The Joe Rogan Experience - #281 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: November 6, 2012

Joe sits down with Bryan Callen.

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. We always do this, dude. We have these conversations and they go from... I have just a shitty... I'm married to this method of doing commercials like that. Yeah. Well, sometimes it's okay, but other times I'm like, wait, this is 20 minutes of a commercial that we're doing. But it's not always. I mean, it's conversations too. Yeah. It would be nice if I could figure out how to shorten it. But the problem is then, you know,

it weaves itself into conversations that would make like great podcast subjects. We should just do commercials in the middle of the podcast. Yeah. I think it's great

the way you do it. Does anybody else, most guys, like they stop and read it in the middle of their podcast. How's people doing it? I like the way you do it

which is organically get into it. The problem is sometimes it goes into other conversations. You don't want it to be a part of the commercial i don't know i like that you believe in every product you endorse well that's we're we're lucky as shit so it doesn't sound like an advertisement is what i mean yeah the only things that we're we're being advertised by right now is all like like ting which is an awesome mobile company no contracts they we we went with them because they're like they use sprints backbone

so they have like it's really good service but you could just cancel you can make joint accounts like you and i could share an account we share minutes if you don't use your minutes like say if you use like what a lower priced thing would be instead of what you paid for well then you get discounted on your next bill it's like they ethical and super fair. So that's why we went with them. But when you're involved in, the podcast is weird enough as it is. So it's like big companies probably wouldn't want to get involved with it.

So it allows you to choose from people that are taking chances, like the Ting people or the Onnit people. I also think what's really unique about it is the fact that you can pinpoint exactly who your niche audience is. you're talking to very specific people that are going to that are interested in it you know yeah well you know and it's also it changes that audience a little bit too as they see the excitement of their shit I mean one of the cool things about having cool

friends is that you get to find out about cool things that they're into that maybe you didn't know right you know when you talk to somebody like they're into that maybe you didn't know. When you talk to somebody, say if you never knew about jiu-jitsu and you were hanging out with Eddie Bravo and then you really had no idea and you're talking to this guy and then all of a sudden he starts telling you about jiu-jitsu and you're like, there's a whole thing I didn't even know about. That's awesome. Holy shit.

It invigorates you and fires you up you know I think that's the biggest thing is like the one of the problems with staying in one place your whole life is you limit your exposure to to everything and nowadays though the good news is you can be in one place and expose yourself to everything if you know where to look you know that never used to be the case. Yeah. The world is so much different now than when we were like getting out of high school. Yeah. It's so,

I mean, it's not even, it's, it's like we were living in the dark ages. It really is. Well, because you're constantly exposed a little bit. Like if you look at how wrestling was,

um, in the eighties and then when the wall came down, the Eastern Europeans, the Russians, everybody came over and shared all their secrets. Wrestling, even at a high school level was so completely different in a lot of ways than it was way back.

As in, certain things just didn't work, or they had answers to so many different things. And wrestling technique, and for that matter, look at jiu-jitsu, as everybody starts experimenting and stuff, and there's direct access to it. Things grow exponentially. They seem to become more exponentially complex. I don't know if it makes our life better, but I think it does. Well, I just think it's unavoidable. It just seems to be that that's the way it just goes with everything.

There's greats from the past in all endeavors, but in stand-up comedy, in fighting, I don't think anybody from the past truly holds up. I know. If I look at Joe Lewis, and I imagine what would happen if Joe Lewis had a fight with Vladimir Klitschko, I'd be like, Jesus. A whole different thing. That's not even a... Klitschko's barely a human.

Right. I mean, he's a totally new species of human. That's right. Six foot seven, 250 fucking pounds of shredded muscle. Handsome as all get out. Who's got a doctorate, maybe two. Yeah. You know?

Like, smart as shit. An overachiever, man. Just completely boxing your face in. Yeah. You know, and doesn't take any stupid chances. Just keeps fucking punching you in the face and you can't punch him. Good luck, Joe.

Get out there and do it for America. He's a Nazi, that Klitschko. Go get him, Joe Lewis. Joe Lewis would get fucked up, dude. Yeah. The only guy I think think there's a few guys like Ali of course would have been great in any era but I always said

you put Mike Tyson against Ali Mike Tyson would have stormed him well yeah but what he said is this boxing people say yeah Tyson would have stormed him maybe the first time because he's so powerful and guess what when they fought the second time Ali would have figured him out that's maybe maybe maybe by the way by the way maybe not

ali remember something ali took it was 220 pounds right which is a big man without lifting a big man yeah oh and by the way he also fought i think nine rounds against frazier with a broken jaw the dude could take punishment that was ken nortonorton. Ken Norton broke his jaw. It was Norton, I'm sorry. But if you watch what Frazier did in those amazing fights, and the hooks, and just landing in his face, and just kept fighting, man. He took incredible shots. He took such incredible punishment.

And I think his ability to kind of rope and move with shots was a huge part of it. For sure. Smarter than anybody, and got in your head. Yeah. You know, look what he did to Sonny Liston. He realized realized sonny listen was just the strongest man in the world he said the one thing sonny listens afraid of is a crazy person yeah sonny's afraid of a crazy person and when when he did that weigh-in sonny actually said keep him away from me i think he's gonna bite

me he was afraid he's gonna get bit i just think skill wise i think ali was great but if you look at the ali from like the joe frazier fight. But if you look at the Ali from the Joe Frazier fight on, if you compare that guy to Tyson when he was against, say, Michael Spinks, when he was just the ultimate destroyer. He was too blindingly fast and a really good boxer. Unbelievably fast. That was the thing that people missed in the whole Tyson thing. They were like, his power.

Of course he had great power. But it was the way he delivered it. He delivered it like half as fast. Really, like he twice as fast as like the Tony Tubbs is of the world The pink Lin Thomas, I remember he fought razor erotic and razor erotic is the biggest strongest-looking man on the big dude man, he was hitting him in the forehead with with hooks and sending him like like Sitting down in the air like who, phew. Now, Roddick got back up. But finally, the ref was like, I'm stopping this.

Because somebody's going to lose their brain. Yeah, there was like a few years where he was just unbelievably good. But I think that's like the case with basketball. I think that's the case with baseball. I think it's the case with all sports. It absolutely is. That everything just gets better. And it's really fascinating. What about training techniques? It's not just training techniques. Dr think it's the case with all sports. It absolutely is. That everything just gets better and it's really fascinating.

What about training techniques? It's not just training techniques. Drugs? Steroids. That's the big one. Design or drugs. When they congenitally dope, you wonder what... You know you're going to have

400-pound preternaturally fast athletes. So then it becomes... Yeah, it's 100%. It's on the way. I can't wait. They're going to keep getting bigger. Have you ever met a real giant pro football player?

Yes, I have. I saw a real... He was really rowdy. And he was at this club in Phoenix. And it was like a guy who was around a bunch of kids who were just like, All right, settle down. Settle down. Let me through. That's exactly right.

It was almost like he was... Silverback, I'm a baboon. He was gigantic. The dude was at least 400 pounds. And he wasn't fat. No, and athletic. Yeah, I was like, I can't believe that's a fucking man Rich incognito

I met at the Playboy Mansion 6 foot 4 305 pounds Just a blonde silverback And literally Doesn't even look like he lifts Everything is proportioned His head, his shoulders, his hips

You know who was one of the scariest guys That didn't get his duke? He came along at the wrong time. Do you remember Tom Erickson? Who did he fight for? Tom Big Cat Erickson. Oh, a fighter? Fucking wrestler.

He was 300 pounds, natural, giganti. Did they call him the polar bear? No, that was a different guy. No, that was Paul Varlins. What did they call Tom? I don't remember what they called him, but he was a beast, dude. This guy, Rich was Paul Varlins. What did they call Tom? I don't remember what they called him, but he was a beast, dude. This guy, Rich Uncognito, I said, what do you squat?

He goes, I don't know. I mean, in the eights, I think. Oh, Big Cat. That's what it was. That's his nickname, Big Cat. Because he was a big dude. He moved like a cat. That's ridiculous.

He was Tom Erickson. Speaking of big dudes that move like a cat. There wasn't that much MMA back then. What about the Russian guy, the Wolfman? carolyn yeah well no no no no forget him that guy's legendary the last time he lost he was 16 years old and then uh rulon gardner beat him based on one of the mistakes he made i saw the match well it's not that was like a new rule when you get a guy to separate their hands it's one point. Dude, when he won the Olympic gold against a Persian-American wrestler who had wrestled him 19 times and never beat him, and as he was winning the gold,

he had him and he was whispering in his ear. He was whispering, essentially English saying, you can never beat me. It's not possible for you to beat me. Is that what you're saying to him? I am your master. Yeah, something like that. I am your master yeah something like that

something like that and then if you see when when they are awesome when he's getting when he had the silver medal and he didn't beat karelin he had a silver medal in the olympics and he's up there and somebody give me give me his name and he's crying he's crying because he just realizes that no matter what he did no matter how hard he trains there is that man named Karelin that he will never beat. He was so strong. Karelin was born, he was 15 pounds. 6'4", 305 pounds. That's how much he weighed?

Yeah. 6'4", 305 pounds? Yeah. What the fuck is that? Well, he was 15 pounds when he was born. And he has small parents. His parents are small. Yeah, I think his grandfather or someone was a bear,

you know, some giant guy. Corellon was also mean and a very, very serious competitor, like a mean competitor. Would not lose. And would play games with you and talk to you. And by the way, you know why he got really famous and we started hearing about him, is he would suplex people and break their necks.

He'd suplex you and drop you on your neck. And that's where people were just so afraid of him. He was too strong. He would get guys, they would literally completely flatten themselves out on the mat to try to resist being taken down. They didn't even try to scramble. Because if he scrambled and he caught you in the scramble,

he'd have you elevated and he'd just fucking pile drive you on your head. It's crazy. He would pick them up as they were flattening up and he was these were 300 plus pound men and from like a lying down 300 pound man to be able to pick him up with a gable grip and hoist him up in the air most people have no idea how strong you'd have to be that's so weird like you would have a hard time doing that with a small child. Most people would have a hard time. He was also very flexible.

He was just a huge mongoose man. Exactly. He wasn't like a big stupid power lifter looking dude who couldn't move. No. He was like a big giant. He was all back.

All back and traps in relation to his chest. It wasn't bodybuilder. It's like his knees and his hips and his... There's that one famous photo of him hoisting a guy up in the air, and he's just got this look of rage in his eyes. He's so terrified.

It just embodied those Cold War Olympics, where everybody was afraid of the Russians. Just a robot, man. Shudder. Shudder. He was like the real Drago, but better. That's exactly right there's a photo I gotta pull up this photo

I think our boy oh god the Russian the great Russian MMA fighter Fedor Fedor he has a little of that

yeah but he's like a little bit more he's not as big he's a different it's a different thing Brian pull pull this up pull up

Alexander pull up Karelin and there's a photo of. Brian, pull this up. Pull up Alexander. Pull up Carellon, and there's a photo of him with a T-shirt on. It's black and white. Oh, dude. This is the photo. Carellon? K-A-R. Look at that photo.

See that photo? That's the one we're looking for. Let me see that. Oh, I haven't actually seen that one. K-A-R-E-L-I-N. Jesus! Oh, my God! That's so fucking scary oh my god he's got this photo of him about to throw this guy through the air if you look at him and me it's a different

he's the hulk i'm 170 that's the real hulk he's like the real hulk he doesn't even have a mouthpiece in he's not even wearing a mouthpiece this fucking animal of course not why he's wrestling children exactly what are they gonna do fatten his lip he's wrestling children he's wrestling it is weird to be that much better at something than everybody else not just that much bigger than i mean that much better but that much bigger like that guy was ridiculously big he made arguably in some ways the toughest strongest man in the world i mean you get a photo of it brian it's gotta be somebody fucking windows oh it crashed why are we still using that i don't know yeah what a picture he was a terrifying dude he was so goddamn strong yeah you wonder what a guy that would have done i should have binged it look at all these carolyn dogs fighting is

different too though isn't it i mean yeah whenever you When you punch somebody in the face It neutralizes a lot of stuff This is not the guy you're looking for No no no no It's spelled K-A-R-E-L-I-N His name is Alexander Alexander Carell This is awful He had a dog change

No I don't want to bang it I was just kidding I would never do that. Yeah, that's the dude. There we go. That would go to images. There we go. There we go. And the one down with him in the tank top, gritting his teeth.

See that? Click on that shit. What the fuck, dude? Look at the arms on him. What the? Dude, are you kidding me? Wow. That is so scary.

Hold on. Let me just look at that. Oh, smash. That's so weird. That is so scary. Look at his forearms and his, ah. Look at the ferocity in his eyes, man. Look at his joker face.

Dude. Joker face. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. That was the real deal. That is a naked gorilla. That was the real deal. There's a full photo of that, too, where you get to see his full body. It's even spookier, Brian.

He's just got more simian. Go back to the, there's a full photo where you see his full body. It's even spookier, Brian. Go back to the... There's a full photo where you see his fucking legs. Scroll up. I would always wear a singlet. There's an even better one where it's the whole entire body up there. Yeah, that's it. Click on this.

Look at this shit. This is completely ridiculous. When you see the actual full image and you get his fucking legs look at that what the fuck man oh what is my lord look at his legs those are insane my lord i'm producing estrogen those are insane that's insane how big his legs were look at his calves that guy's butt dude that guy is going to get thrown through the air like a rag doll. He's mid-poo, that poor guy. So, okay.

So here's the question. Is he 100% roids? Like, there's something going on there, right? I don't... I think... Is it genetic? I would suggest that it's genetic. If you're born at 15 pounds, and if you look at how proportioned his body is, and the amount

of training he does, there are people out there that are genetic freaks that don't need steroids. Yeah, but you know what I bet it is? bet it's both because this was russia russia was not fucking around back then that's you know we had victor conte on the podcast and one of the things that he was talking about is that the elephant in the room when it comes to women's track and field is that there was a period of time when before they were testing where they still can't achieve the results that these like eastern block women got really yeah like this world records and no one comes close when they win the olympics every year and what do you mean well they just can't they can't achieve what these men women did so so because they choose a matter of record or it's just what their times the times in europe the

time no the times they the times that they had from 10 20 years ago from whatever it was where they weren't testing with these women, the times were stronger than they are today in the Olympics. That they are behind the gold medal or behind the world record. I had no idea about that. Well, he said it's 100% because they were taking steroids. He was a fascinating guy to have on because he fucking saw the whole thing happen from the ground up. He saw people experimenting with all these different supplements,

and, you know, he saw, and he's seen track and field athletes, like, all of a sudden get unbelievably good, like, within a year, and everybody gets suspicious. Yeah, she's a perfect example. But he's, you know, he's of the opinion that they all do it, especially track and field. He said all those guys are on something. Well, you know, one of the things that raises all do it especially track and field he said all those guys are on something well you know one of the it raises a question too because they took two of the top fastest guys in

the world i don't think it was justin gadlin and maurice green i think those were two and what they found was that he was talking about steroid use and he said look maurice green naturally has 800 grams or 600 grams of protein not grams uh 600 600, whatever that measurement per gram of blood, 800 units. In testosterone, is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah. Whereas someone like Justin Gatlin has 400. So naturally occurring, some people have just more testosterone and usually guys who are faster and stuff stronger.

Well, then what does that say about, so if that's the case, is it a fair competition or can this other guy take hormone replacement therapy and bring his up to 800? There's where you get into these weird questions, the argument for steroids. You can eat foods that increase your testosterone. So they do it very marginally maybe. So where do we draw the line? Like if the technology exists, it's a murky issue, right? It does get murky if you want to consider a level playing field.

There is no level playing field because we have ectomorphs, endomorphs, and mesomorphs. Being the body types of ectomorphs are ones who are really skinny, can't gain any weight. Endomorphs are the really fat ones who have a hard time losing weight. And mesomorphs are those Wesley Snipes looking dudes. Just look ripped. The muscular, you know, you look at like Mike Tyson, classic mesomorph, you know,

classically muscular. There's certain people that just... Frank Bruno. Yeah. Frank Bruno's ridiculous. Shea Congo. Two of the extreme mesomorphs. Yeah, you know, you can't,

some people can never achieve that physical frame. They just, they can't naturally. So what is the what if a pill came along and all of a sudden you turn some dude who's got you know uh ralphie may's genetics yeah and all of a sudden the problem then becomes that competition is all about the best chemist i can understand the argument against steroids because and not only that we all know that human beings if they want to win something they'll do everything including sacrifice their own health to get to a point right but then there's a guy like karelin it doesn't matter what the fuck you do

it's like there's certain dudes where there's so much of a physical gift it's it's almost impossible for you to overcome it there's uh there's that there's a there's a level like the idea is that if a person is super athletic they can't be smart as well that's not true unfortunately no unfortunately that guy can fuck you up and probably beat you at oh yeah chess and chess yeah it's doesn't just because someone is big and athletic like that's a terrifying thing for someone someone who's who can out intellectually duel them and and still kick their ass my name marquardt told me that um gsp is a great chess player like a phenomenal chess player gsp is an unusual human being he's a very very bright guy he's very open and honest like

he's one of the rare fighters that talks about being scared and you know what went through his head yeah yeah he's uh you know like about what makes him insecure and apparently he's got this crazy thing about aliens oh no yeah yeah he's uh he's terrified about uh aliens um finding him uh in the middle of the night and abducting him there are other things to worry about george he has like a path to get out of his house in case of the alien come to my house i bet you he's joking he's gotta be kidding no no he really is obsessed with aliens really yeah yeah yeah it's so much so that they filmed a lot of shit and they wouldn't even use it in the Countdown show.

I don't know who didn't like it, Dana or someone. Someone made a decision. But George is open about it? Fuck yeah, he's open about it. He didn't tell you about everything. I think it's ridiculous to not leave it in because I think it's another little layer on the guy's cake. Look, he is a bona fide bad motherfucker.

And anybody who thinks he isn't a bad motherfucker because he is scared of aliens, that's so silly. He's George fucking Saint-Pierre. Let him tell his story. It's probably interesting. The alien come for me in the middle of the night. I've had my ACL repaired.

Hey, I hear through the grapevine that Mr. Nick Diaz, who I love, my favorite fighter in a lot of ways, wants to fight Mr. Anderson Silva. Yeah, he'll fight anybody. Nick Diaz would who I love, my favorite fighter in a lot of ways, wants to fight Mr. Anderson Silva. Yeah, he'll fight anybody. Nick Diaz would fight Fedor. He'll fight anybody. He doesn't give a fuck. He's a real fighter. He'd be an interesting match. I think that

Anderson would kick him in the face and all that, but he's not afraid of his boxing. I mean, he boxes a lot, and it seems like he would be a guy who could certainly stand and trade as opposed to Damian Maia or Forrest Griffin doing it with Anderson. I think that if anybody could actually – who's a pure boxer, who trains with real boxers and is a pretty good boxer, he might be able to answer some of those. Nick Diaz, first of all, takes an unbelievable shot.

He could take a hell of a shot. He's super determined. No one's got wind like him. His endurance is preposterous. His endurance is completely preposterous. You should say that. Please do that one. His endurance is preposterous.

It is. And then flip your scarf. He swims back from Alcatraz for like a goof. So weird. He gets in the ocean and swims from Alcatraz. Like his endurance is freakish. And that's one of his strengths. And everybody's got to be scared of that shit.

But Anderson's never showed endurance problems. I mean, he tapped Chael Sonnen in the fifth round of a fight. He was getting his ass kicked in. Incredible. So he's never had endurance problems. But I think that Nick Diaz is, he's a difficult dude to crack, you know? Like, you look at, like, really good strikers, like Paul Daly. Paul Daly's a dangerous

fucking striker and he decided to stand and trade with him he's a much better wrestler he goes I'm gonna stand and trade and by the way you hit me with a left

watch this he goes down gets a bang with a left well not only that he's such a true fighter you get him on the ground and Nick is so good

at wrapping you up and you have to look after that arm bar man that shit comes quick he caught Cyborg in that arm bar Cyborg never saw that coming Cyborg was blasting him

with leg kicks too but it didn't matter. It was almost like he was just holding off the charge. He was just holding off the charge. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. It's incredible.

And finally, Cyborg, like the pressure of Nick constantly coming at him. And talking to him, by the way. Cyborg took him down, and Nick had him armbarred in like no time. Yeah. He's an interesting dude. Physically, he's smaller than Anderson. That's for sure. He's fought at 55. But he's got to walk around.ically, he's smaller than Anderson. That's for sure. He's fought at 55.

But he's got to walk around. What is he, about 6'1"? Yeah, Nick is at least 6 feet tall, 6'1", 2. And he walks around at what, 190, you think? I don't know. He's pretty healthy. So he's not the type of dude that would... Gain a lot of weight?

Yeah, he definitely never gets fat. He's very strict with his diet. I think he's mostly vegan. He's drinking kombucha all the time. Don't tell me that because now I'm going to start doing the Nick Diaz diet. Well, listen, man. If you talk to guys like Rich Roll or any of these ultra-endurance guys, there's no better way to keep your body energized than constantly eating fresh vegetables.

Yeah, high carbohydrate, complex carbohydrate. Yeah, I don't think for ultimate performance, though, especially explosive performance, I don't think you get the same results. According to scientists, the people that have actually done studies show that there really are some benefits to eating animal protein. To a complete protein like meat, yeah. It's a complete protein. Yeah. The thing about being a vegan is you can get your protein, but it i think the proteins at the end of the day or whenever they start to uh cohesion with they sort of can't they pick up where the other ones left off so beans are one nuts have protein and when you add enough of that you'll get a

complete protein but meat is a very calorie dense uh energy dense uh complete protein yeah it's just better and most by the way most most cultures and you know this from the guy you had on i'm sure he talked about it with the paleo diet most hunter-gatherer cultures the way we came up was we were strictly carnivores i mean if you look at where we went hunting try planting anything there you would have had to live off animal protein for the most part there's a lot of parts yeah we were in montana we went hunting for this Steve Rinella show. It's called The Meat Eater. And Meat Eater is his second show. He had this other show that was on, I think it was on the Travel Channel.

It was called The Wild Within. It was a really cool show where you'd go. He went where Lewis and Clark went, and he shot a moose and made a boat out of the moose and fucking shot a moose with a musket. And made a boat out of the moose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the way they would have done it. It was really interesting. I want to make a boat out of a moose and made a boat out of the moose and fucking shot a moose with a musket and made a boat out of the moose yeah yeah yeah like the way they would have done it it was really interesting to make a boat out of a moose so uh brian and i went hunting with them we went to uh well i talked about it with ari shafir already but we went to uh montana to what used to be the great inland western sea yeah the great western inland sea which is fascinating we went to a part where even

lewis and clark said they they as they went through it they were like there we think we saw some signs of native americans i mean not even the native americans lived there it was a hunting ground but you couldn't live there because you could grow nothing crazy it's also weird how much ground we covered like we wake up really early in the morning yeah and then we'd you'd go he'd be like we'll go over that ridge i was like that ridge is a mountain range this shit is far right but you could actually climb it because it was made of clay and it stuck to your feet you know well it was really difficult when you're on the edges because it was just so slippery and your feet would weigh so much because the the bottoms would be caked with this shit oh my god and i remember when i glassed the field i'd take my binoculars and look out for game glassing the field is uh is a hunting terminology don't

worry about it and i'd be so out of breath man because we were high elevation yeah it's just like it was a lot of hiking so you got to be in fucking shape you know i watch a show and i've seen them you know what they do stalking after the game but i never really considered how much actual walk is involved like you just what he doesn't get tired huh no dude No, dude. I was fucking super impressed. Yeah. Because me and the camera guys were fucking out of breath. Yeah. And Steve Rinell is up there trucking.

You're walking forever. Yeah. And you're walking up some serious hills. It's really interesting, though. We were talking about this, that anything you do, even like hiking, if you're hiking. Like he's doing this every week, every year. Yeah. He does it all year round. That's how he hunts.

So he's like constantly hiking well your central nervous system learns how to use your muscles more efficiently yes yeah that's what we're talking about like every anything you do whether it's martial arts or wrestling it's why they tell you if you want to bodybuild you got to change it up because you confuse your central nervous system so your body doesn't learn to use the same muscles over and over again right so now your body's like confused and it goes well we got to use these muscles now and you keep tearing muscles down and i just that's what i want to can you yeah don't like the crossfit people believe in that as well that's like their

their ideas they just believe in fitness yeah then fitness so your body gets a a comprehensive uh a strength you know a sort of a all-around strength they're kind of controversial too though the controversy behind the crossfit people is that some people like Steve, that you should ever be doing powerlifting exercises with great repetitions like that. It's like that's not what they're designed for. They're designed for big explosive movements, moving heavy things with correct form

and building up your core and your explosive power. Most of the people I know who did CrossFit and who know it, they get hurt. There's a lot of injuries. In fact, a lot of pro athletes that I've talked to

don't do it as much because, first of all, it's so much on your body that a lot of times they weren't having energy for their practices or their games, and it keeps you torn down. Now, there are some ridiculously fit athletes, and I think it's a great program, and I try to do it as much as possible. But I do think that the athletes I've talked to, the fighters and even the football players are like, well, you you got to move at your own pace with that stuff.

Yeah, you do. You can't try to keep up with those dudes because those extreme CrossFit dudes, they get like deep, deep, deep into the game to the point where they can do just ridiculous sets with 225. They're clean and jerking for 20 reps. And then they're doing 20 chin-ups crazy yeah they they can do some stupid silly shit sport yeah it's not like you know i'm sure they fucking test of will man that is a test of will at crossfit's humbling every time you do it like if you do fran you know what fran is fran never gets easy like if i think about it my heart starts beating fast where you got 95 pounds you go into a a squat thrust, you go squat, you, you do a thruster. So you go down into the squat

position, throw it up over your head. You do that 21 times, go at 21 pull-ups, 15 thrusters, 15 pull-ups, nine thrusters, nine pull-ups. And you know, the idea is if you do a sub, if you get under three minutes, you're in ridiculous shape. Uh, but even doing it, try doing it in, in under seven or eight and you'll be on the ground. It's doing it, try doing it in under seven or eight, and you'll be on the ground. It just never gets easy. They have so many of those things that never get easy. There's so much you could do out there for exercise.

It's amazing. You see most people at the gym, they're like, you're barely working out. You might be doing curls or doing some sets. What do you do, though? How long is your workout if you're lifting? It depends. It depends on what I'm doing. It depends depends on i i started when i hurt my back i started doing more isolation stuff like rows and stuff like that just to really strengthen up my back so that day is

like an easy day that's the the full back day that i do i do one full back day that's only like 30 minutes it's a quick workout but it's just the whole idea is just to blow it out and make it really hard. I just want to be able to build up muscle and to have explosive power. So your body's got to be conditioned all the time to be doing explosive shit and building up tissue and exploding. And if you don't do that all the time, it doesn't want to do it. If you don't do it all the time, you'll have no situation in life in which to explode. And we all know that we use that every day. That's what's funny about that shit.

I do all this stuff. I'm like, when am I ever going to do kettlebells until I can't walk? I'm not ringing huge bells, but it doesn't matter. I like being in shape in case the shit hits the fan. Well, if I wasn't in shape when we went on that hunting trip, for sure I would have been fucked. Oh, my God. Because that was a serious we would hike at least three miles in the morning it was so funny dude yeah it was raining the first

night we were freezing and the sleeping bags they gave us didn't really work and as i'm getting i'm shivering and putting like seven layers on i had two down jackets literally i'm shivering i just hear joe and his in his tent go, camping blows. I fucking laughed so hard at some of the shit you did. I don't know why. He just goes, camping blows. We had a great fucking time. Dude, how about me pulling fucking quills out of your ass and legs? I think we had it on tape, right?

Dude, I still have these red marks all over my ass and legs. I laid down on a cactus, and Brian had to pull them out in front of the campfire with tweezers. All the guys were like, what are you doing? I'm like, don't worry, he's my best friend. I got to pull out the fucking,

I'll take out your fucking thorns. When I went to drop down to kill the deer, I sat down right in a cactus. My whole left side was covered in cactus. When you see your first deer, you want to kill that thing so badly.

I literally, I had a buck in my crosshairs that third day when you got yours I couldn't talk about buck fever the scope was like jumping all over the place this was my breathing well I couldn't

the first time I couldn't get him into focus the first time I went to shoot it because my eye was too close to the scope and then I realized what I was doing wrong. I was like, oh, what am I doing over there, stupid? Like, what am I doing? Like, I was panicking. I just got too close to the scope.

And it was like, it's weird when you're looking at something through a scope. It's very hard to describe. But it's like, almost like you see like black, like half moons over everything. You can't close in on the actual image. That's right. The outside of it is all black and blurry.

There's a distance you keep your eye from the scope, and you start to be good at that when you... And I backed up just a hair, and boom, it was in perfect clear focus. I was like, oh, that's it. I was too close. And then the fucker went behind a cliff, the deer. By the way, hunting mule deer in a place where they know they're being hunted is a lot like hunting a mirage.

They'll just show up and then they just disappear. And you're like, but how did it didn't go into the mountain? Where is it? Well, they're so, they're so well camouflaged. They look exactly like the mountainside. Yeah. You don't see them until you see like a little white tuft where their ass is. Yeah.

I'm chasing for all morning. I finally, I when i come over this ridge i got him and i'm like now we're this ridiculous there's no way they could have disappeared then i see ducks and i'm like why do those ducks have huge ears oh those fuckers are swimming across the river i spent all morning chasing you assholes and now you're across the river and i got no shot and yeah i didn't even know they can swim i didn't either they swam literally like swimming like you know like covering serious ground where we went was so strange it was uh such a bizarre bizarre place cold cold as fuck and it was it was just so unlike anything that you never you ever do in your normal life as a comedian in la it's so true we didn't have cell phones we didn't have text messages i haven't done

that in a long time man and the the crazy thing was that we both talk about how you have energy all day like even though you're not eating the best food i mean we had good food we had like camp food like apples and we had like beef jerky and we had freeze-dried meals that we would have for dinner and protein bars and stuff like that it wasn't like we were malnourished no but we were talking about how you get there and it's so quiet you don't have access to your cell phone yeah internet nothing and i think i think you're not spending any time taking in stimulus you're just taking you're spending time listening to your own breathing you know yeah and responding and connecting with people and somehow i had such clarity of focus and energy all that

all that whole time it's it well i i definitely don't think we're designed to to live the way we live you know we're trying to adapt and i think you know future generations will probably have some physical capabilities that we don't have you know because our one theory one theory about autism is the fact that we're now you you have these hyper-autistic people who are high-functioning. They can take in a tremendous amount of stimulus, see a room and count everything in it that fast. And this guy Juan Enriquez was saying on TED.com, he's a venture capitalist scientist, and he said, it may be that our brains, because we're exposed in such a short period of time to 500 times the stimulus that our – we see more in one day than our ancestors saw in a lifetime as far as just the amount of stimulus, the amount of sounds,

the thoughts that are crammed into our brains just through visual already be evolving to match and coordinate with this ever-changing, exponentially growing environment. Well, that's what I'm wondering about with Wi-Fi signals and cellular signals and all the different – there's like – I don't understand signals. I kind of – I know that they're there. I know that there's radio. I know that there's television. I know that there's stuff that's being sent out and somewhere someone's receiving it. But I don't understand it. So I don't understand what is it doing to biology.

They know that it's having an effect on bees, especially cell phone signals. They think that it might be like a steady jackhammer sort of thing that's affecting bees. Like just an interference. It's aliens. Remember, aliens is air. So that's what the Wi like just an interference. It's aliens. Remember, aliens is air. So that's what the Wi-Fi signal is, like we talked about yesterday. I honestly think all this stuff is edging us toward becoming one with the machines, for real. And then ultimately, to that effect, creating this sort of universal connectedness.

We're not going to be biological for very long. I wonder if we're ever going to evolve the way uh some ability to tune into these these signals without adding something to the body without adding like a chip like how fucked would it be if the human we are going to add chips way before that question arises i think things are moving so quickly we have synthetic uh we're working on synthetic i'm sorry sorry, biological, but synthetically biological computer chips. Yeah. Google Faces, where they're just going to have like a Google face. You're going to get a new face.

I bet. I bet you could probably do that someday. Well, that's what Ray Kurzweil says. Yeah. I mean, we're going to mesh with machines. Why in the world, if you had an eye that could see a mile away and in the dark, why wouldn't you get an artificial eye? Why wouldn't you?

Yeah, of course you would. I'm old school. I don't need my good legs. I'm going to sit here on my porch until everything stops. Yeah. But maybe the next life is better. I don't know. i don't even know if there's maybe the afterlife is the notion that you live on as a computer

um as a computer program yeah i mean right that's look it's not also look if i can download if i can download your brain everything that goes on your brain i can download it all the content right which which computer scientists are talking about a matter of of when not if maybe like not my brain like maybe your brain no not here your brain would be huge it would require a huge complex huge mainframe too much going on but then then i take that brain and i put everything all your memories and everything you think about into a computer i can put it into a robot maybe well what does that say about your mortality yeah well i don't know i don't know the answer it's we only accept it if it's if it's legit if it's natural that's when we

accept things when they're natural you know i know but you know if you create it we've been for example genetically modifying uh crops like corn and things that that you would never recognize what corn was 200, 300 years ago. It's a different, you know, everything that you eat, everything, including the animals you eat, have been genetically fucked with to become more productive in their output. And isn't ultimately, I mean, we're calling it natural, what's natural and not natural, but isn't everything that human beings do natural? Because we're a part of nature.

Absolutely. Just as natural as the process of making honey. Well, but the other question, the other issue is that, yes, the idea of natural and biology is going to change when we realize that this human being that I'm looking at is a machine, like anything else. In fact, a rather rudimentary machine, maybe 300 years from now, or 200 years from now, or 50 years from now, it may very well be that once we figure out exactly how the machine works with the genome and all these other ideas, well, I guess I can make now even a more complex machine. So in the end of the day, if that machine is just as biological but more complex than this rusty old machine that breaks down after 90 years or whatever

well i don't know i don't know what biology means anymore what happens to the bacteria that exists in the biological organism because that's like our our tenants well first of all we're already them out but well but already what we're doing what science is doing is trying to learn how to harvest and uh the good bacteria versus the bad bacteria and manage the body like an ecosystem a mini ecosystem yeah and science more and more scientists are are talking that the microbes that make up our body are are exactly why we are the way we are they they control everything from the the natural moisture in our skin to the way we smell. To your personality.

Everything. Yeah, it might have an effect on intelligence. Autism may be connected. Certain types of autism spectrum disorders might be connected to having an imbalanced flora. Yeah. It's fascinating, man. The human body is a host for life. There's billions and billions of organisms living inside your body.

That's right. Yeah, it's hard for us to really imagine that we're not really an individual. You know, it's hard for us to imagine that we're a walking ecosystem. Yeah, and also the idea that, you know, it's maybe hard to imagine that we are being nudged in a certain direction. It's not chaos. There's a direction we're being moved in. And it's maybe hard to imagine that we are being nudged in a certain direction. It's not chaos. There's a direction we're being moved in. And it's complexity, always. From the beginning of human history to the moment they figured out how to roll things on logs,

they have made it more and more and more and more complex. Yeah. The only thing that's not as complex is our stonework. You know, like ancient Egyptian stonework. We had a guy in yesterday, Philip Copens, who wrote this great book on lost civilization enigma.

It's all on, you know, the ancient constructions of the past. And that's the only thing like today that we still go, God damn, these motherfuckers had some crazy technology and some crazy insight. The Egyptians?

Yeah, the Egyptians. I mean, even the Romans and a lot of other people who made some incredible pieces of architecture. It doesn't mean we couldn't do it today. Well, we are doing it today, but I think on a subatomic level or a nano level, right? Oh, sure.

Now, most of the innovation is going toward creating robotics and tissue regeneration, growing new limbs. We were talking about it that we think that... I want to change that light. Hold on. The idea... Change a light? What's in your eyes? This thing back here?

Are your eyes sensitive, my friend? Well, they call me Game Eye, dude. They did call you Game Eye. Yeah. You know what a Game Eye is, folks? It's when you're in the canoe and you're rowing. You look up in the hills and if you see game, you got the game eye. We saw a lot of...

They called me game eye and the cashmere killer because I was wearing three layers of cashmere, hunting deer and freezing my fucking tail off still. It was fun, man. It was really fun. I'm so glad you went with me, man. It would have made it a hundred times better. All we did was laugh the whole time. It was just the whole time.

It was just a fucking laugh. There was a time, I mean, it's such a disrespectful moment because we're actually butchering the deer. But as we're butchering this deer, we're cutting into sections. And Brian, I don't know what possessed him, but he got into this thing of jerking off into the ravine. That was the ravine. My character was the ravine cover. So he starts doing this character

where he's angry about stuff with his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth and he's just jerking off into the ravine. And it was so preposterous for what was happening. I mean, here we are like

skinning this animal and hawking, you know, chopping sections off of him. It's really weird. Skinning an animal and gutting it and skinning it. It's all crazy. I know, but no, the problem is if you put me in a sacred place, I start to freak out and I have to do something off of him it was it's really weird skinning an animal and gutting it and skinning it so it's i know but no the problem is if you put me in a sacred position place i start to freak out and

i have to do something you should see me in church i went to church like four times in my life i couldn't do it dude i'd start doing the craziest shit in the world well that's what i told him i was like listen having this guy with us is going to make the whole thing a hundred times funnier trust me we're going to have a great time especially you and i together you and i have together have a we have a you're one of my longest running friends in la we have a language we have uh yeah we've we know each other so well we've been through so much shit brian i i sent my uh i've sent brian to fuck my ex-girlfriend once because because i had a girlfriend at the time and i didn't want to cheat she's like god i'm so horny i'm like i'll hook you up i go hey go even looks like me

played my brother on news radio I remember that I remember that That was great She was fantastic That was a fucking good time Weird Dirty, dirty girls Is that weird?

I can't handle that Like you dated this girl? Yeah I have her Yeah, yeah Dated her for a while It's the same shit I would never think like

Hey, I want my friend To fuck my ex-girlfriend If it's your really good friend You don't really give a shit First of all I knew me and that girl Were never getting back together again No disrespect to her She's a nice person All that good, I knew me and that girl were never getting back together again. No disrespect to her.

She's a nice person and all that good. But I knew it was never happening again. And he's my boy. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. She needed some dick. Did Brian give you gonorrhea in this hunting trip? She's my friend.

She needed some dick. What am I supposed to do? Say, no, I can't help you. I can help her. I had the fucking solution. I remember you calling me up. You go, hey, I'm setting you up what are you doing tomorrow I go I don't know you're going on a date with my ex-girlfriend no I said you're gonna go fuck my ex-girlfriend

I was like alright I think we met up for I don't even know if we ate he fucked her behind a car and shot a load into her and she calls me the next day your fucking friend came inside me I was young I didn't know I was like fucking young I was like what am I supposed know. I was fucking young. I was like, what am I supposed to do? I was laughing so hard. I was crying. Because I know you so well. You're so fucking crazy. And I couldn't believe that we did it in the first place. I set you up to go fuck her.

And I'm just laughing while she's telling me, your fucking friend came inside me. I go, very few ex-girlfriends have ever called me up complaining i didn't she didn't tell me not to i was young i was like well we're having sex aren't i supposed to do that i don't know that's funny that's a whole different thing i yeah you think about how fucking what a numbskull i was when i was younger just i didn't understand girls were different i didn't really

understand i couldn't i couldn't understand why they weren't just like me and then i dated a girl who'd be like looking back on it they were all great and i'd be like why am i why why is she not behaving like my friends she's a fucking girl you idiot yeah it takes a while to understand that i mean i was just a fucking idiot they were those poor girls were like what is with this this this caveman you know i'm not gonna fuck you like in the elevator this is you know whatever it was you know well you should be more into i broke up with a girl because she fell asleep during raging bull You know, I'm not going to fuck you, like, in the elevator. This is, you know, whatever it was. I'd be like, well, you should be more into it. I broke up with a girl because she fell asleep during Raging Bull.

That's not fair to a girl. It's a great movie, but it's a fucking movie about a boxer. The guy's like, girls aren't supposed to, you know, it's not fair for me to be. You're mad at her? I was like, this is one of the great, this is my favorite movie of all time, and you fell asleep in it. I'm afraid I have nothing in common with you. I didn't say that, but I made that choice in my head. I was like i was like was she hot yes but i was like i i don't know i can never talk to her i don't get that what the fuck is that all about i don't know it's raging bull bro

one of the things that i pride myself in is i've never tried to make someone that i've dated any different than who they are you were always good about i that. I'm not. I had to learn that. I was a fucking idiot. Well. I just know it's more for me. It was just like, how can you not be interested in this? You can't like bring someone a book

and tell them they have to read it. You can't do that. I was like, how can you not be interested in this? It's amazing. Well, they were fucking at their own thing. They got their own thing.

And a lot of times they were smarter than I was. I look back on it. They knew if I had listened to them, I would have, I would have been better off. Yeah. There's a lot of things that people I like really love, and I could not care less if it existed,

whether it's sports or certain types of music. And I could love these people to death, and whatever their opinion is. Like Eddie Brown was always trying to turn me on to some new electronic band, and four out of five of them are pretty decent. But every now and then, he's into some shit that I'm not into. Four out of five? Are you serious? Four out of five? them are pretty decent. But every now and then, he's into some shit that I'm not into. Four out of five?

Are you serious? Four out of five? Those are pretty high odds. I bet it's less than that. Yeah, you're probably right. It's about three. Three out of five suck. He's being nice because he loves Eddie.

I'm being nice because I love Eddie. But it's not... Look, it's just taste in music. He really loves Smashing Pumpkins. He really loves... I'm a Leonard Skinner guy. I'm a Led Zeppelin guy. I love hearing the fucking guitar scratching on the pick. You know what I mean? pumpkins he really loves i'm a leonard skinner guy i'm a led zeppelin guy i love like hearing

the fucking guitar scratching on the pick yeah you know what i mean i want i want to hear like the black keys like that's my kind of music like musicians a lot of times are listening to something different than we are yeah like they hear more than we do or they're just they're just more in tune with something innovative or well just eddie has a very specific style that he fucking loves and you know and he's very creative, man. I mean, his own music is like, if you're into that style of music, like Eddie does some really top-notch shit. And now he does it with this dude, Compella.

They have this band called Smoke Serpent. And Compella, who's a really good rapper, like raps over it. And he plays like, you know, Eddie puts his music on in the background. And his thing has always been that he always loved hip-hop, but he didn't like the kind of music that was in the background of hip-hop he didn't like that whole sampling thing he thought it would be you know he liked he's got like that sort of electronic smashing pumpkin sort of a vibe of music he's really into that everybody's different why that is everybody's fucking different wiring right yeah for sure i mean look there's some people who hate

violence they hate violent sports they don't i mean they just don't like it but i can have great conversations with them about other stuff you know there's listen man i just thought it was so funny the minute i saw that deer and i i had one shot to get this deer because you you go all day looking for deer and you don't see one yeah it was so cold i the minute i saw that buck i my hat came off everything i didn't feel anything I was just literally like I'm gonna kill that fucking buck I'm not a hunter And I don't really necessarily

Want to kill something Well we were on a mission You know Look we were doing something That was very unusual For two guys That are in their 40s With kids

Living in LA You know In the entertainment business Sort of Sort of still In the entertainment business I do comedy shows I guess

They're on my own but i mean i guess it's in it but you know those guys were a great audience weren't they our guides steve ranella and ryan uh what's his last name ryan ryan callahan yeah he was a great guy was my uh my my guide ryan callahan and mo the director and dan doughty i can't wait to see the video dude they were all great guys listen these guys are solid as fuck, man. And they were a great audience. They just laughed at us, and we were just fucking around all the time. Well, I don't think they'd probably ever done a show like that. Brian went, like, from the moment we got there, Brian was full tilt.

From the moment we got there, he was, this is all mining. See this? This is all long-term strip mining. And I go, no. I go, this is the missouri river you fuck this cut through this it used to be the great western inland sea no no this is mining i was like you don't know anything about what you're talking about even steve rinello has been there like grew up there he's like yeah this is my this is not this is all natural i go nah you're

wrong about that but anyway so like right away he gets into his you know ridiculous character and then it gets gay or gay aser as the day goes along. I'm cracking Joe up. So as long as I'm cracking Joe up, that's all I'm living for at that point. So I'm like, if I got an audience, I can just see Joe's eyes, their slits, and he's like, hee, hee, hee, hee.

I'm like, all right, that's fucking it. That's awesome. It was seriously no bullshit, like going on a five-day comedy show where in between you took breaks to go be a caveman. We have a lot on camera. We got to steal it and put it on the fucking website. Well, there's certain things like the Ravine Comer.

They said that they were going to give it to us because they could never put it on their show. Yeah, we have to get it. But he has a lot of control on this show. I think it's on the Sportsman's channel, one of those channels. Outdoors. They have hunting shows, which, by the way, I watch now. I watch all these hunting shows now. I'm fucking recording them and watching hunting shows.

Once you do it, it's so fascinating. You know what it's like? I't i didn't get it you're in the middle of nowhere you're never going to see this topography and then you see a deer you see like something that you can actually get and i i love deer meat by the way but but you see it and you're like everything it's like winning the lottery it's like almost suddenly like this whole rush you know of discovering something Well, you're in their world. That's the weirdest thing about what it is, is when you do this sort of what they call immersion hunting,

we basically went into the wild, like the real legitimate wild. It's not a road that's untraveled. People travel it every year, but it's not that many. And the people that are traveling are all doing what you're doing. They're all sneaking up on deers and shooting them. And while we were there, we were there for five days. We saw three other canoes. So that was it. Two other campsites.

So what it is is like this really inhospitable terrain that occasionally, you know, every couple days or so, a new person will venture into. And it's that crazy. It's that crazy. It's another world. This world doesn't have any cell phone signal. You don't see a building anywhere. You get on top of the mountain, and you climb up for hours. You get to the top, and you look out, and it's kind of scary because you don't see shit for anywhere to the left or to the right.

It's more of these hills and valleys hills and valleys and no help no stores no nothing so you got what you brought with you and what you can kill here and cook that's right that's exactly right and so when you creep up on a deer and wind up shooting that deer and killing it like you like entered into like a different reality you like plugged into this different reality of hunting and also like i thought the most profound part of it was butchering my own deer yeah and i'll tell you why it was we we have a real disconnect to the food we eat right so you know you you go to mcdonald's and you're eating a steer that was maybe killed i don't know how many months ago you know and

and then and then skinned by some stranger and then quartered and put together and grind and processed with other cows, and it's a mixture of shit. Maybe some of the cows came from China. It's the same thing with chicken and stuff. And you see there's a real disconnect with the animal protein that we eat. We don't know how it's lived. We don't know how it's suffered. We don't know anything about it. And that's always bothered me.

And one of the things I thought was there were two things I found profound about not only killing a deer with that rifle, the force and the feeling of it, you know, but also then butchering the meat. The intimate process of gutting a deer and harvesting the liver and the heart and then skinning it and cutting into that meat that you're going to eat. and then skinning it and cutting into that meat that you're going to eat, the heat from the inside of its body, because you've got to get in there. I had blood. We both had blood past my wrists. And the intimate process of doing that, the smell and the feel and the temperature,

you really get a sense of the vast discrepancy between life and death and our own biology and how fragile we are. You see what a scalpel, what a small knife can do to muscle and skin and sinew. It's frightening. It's frightening how easy it is to gut a deer, which is a much stronger animal than I am. It's just frightening to think about. So it creates in your own sort of viscera a sense of true vulnerability. And more importantly, like our own biology. And I then had a very strong understanding and idea of how easy it was for hunter-gatherer

or even our very recent ancestors to kill another human being. Because when you kill an animal and you butcher it, and you get that close to its body and its heart and its life force, and then you see it go away, killing a human being would be exactly the same thing in a lot of ways because it's just another animal. Now, obviously, we have different motifs on what a human being is. They have a conscience and all that and blah, blah, blah.

But I'm just saying that I can understand how a hunter would make a very good and ready warrior. There's a very thin divide. And most of us as men in today's world don't ever experience either one. We don't experience death that intimately. We don't experience even fighting that intimately. Everything has to be simulation. It has to be either a fucking video game or a jiu-jitsu mat.

Yeah. Not even that. What do you mean you're saying a jiu-jitsu mat? That's the rarest of the rare. Usually it's an argument in traffic. Oh, that's what I'm, yeah.

Usually there's virtually no testing of yourself like that. Right, right. No connection to life and death like that. Yeah. I mean, that's one of the things that makes you appreciate.

It made me more respectful of deer, of the environment. Being with a hunter like Ryan or Steve, what you realize actually is that hunters, to be an effective hunter, the irony is you have to have a deep, deep respect, love, and understanding of the animal, its behavior, and of the environment in which you are now a guest in. Yeah, listen, it's not easy. It's not easy. I mean, people think you're just going out there and shooting defenseless animals.

No, what you're doing is you're going out and getting your own meat. And it's a difficult fucking process. It's very difficult. And the guys who are really good at it, those guys love every aspect of it. The Ryans and the Steve Rinell and Ryan Callahan, those guys that took us out there,

they love every aspect of it. They're conservationists. Yeah. They're true conservationists. They follow the rules to a T. To a T. They know every rule for every area they're hunting. They pay attention to all of it.

Like where we were at, we couldn't use two-way communication. So no one could say, like, hey, we saw some deer this morning. You can't say that over the radio. It's illegal. Do you know what happened to me when I was hunting? It changed my political point of view a little bit. Really? Yeah.

You know why? Why? Well, this is weird because I always talk about being a libertarian and everything else. But then I realized the value and the importance of having strong regulation and rules. Because if you talk to hunters and people who really know, without really strong anti-poaching laws, for example, or really strong regulation by the Fish and Game Service, you would have everybody that I've talked to agrees, you'd have major abuses by assholes just machine gunning the whole fucking side of that ridge

when they saw rams, and you'd have no game left. And in fact, American history and history in the Middle East, certainly, that I know of, bears that out that that that people always over hunted they always over fished and they continue to do that um people are cunts they when when our ancestors figure out that you could run woolly mammoths off a cliff guess what woolly mammoths disappeared you know and they starved i mean that that's this is what happens so human beings actually can be very short-sighted and can kind of not do what's in their best interest sometimes.

You need some regulation. Well, you didn't think that the fishing game, that that was a good idea before the trip? I didn't know. You didn't think about it? I just always have a visceral reaction to any government organization. I go, well, are they making it worse or better? No, there are some very good and important government regulations.

They're probably the best. It's all done by hunters. It's all done by people who hopefully, I think, you know, there was some dispute about who was going to be in charge of it now. It was like people who are more animal rights oriented. No, I don't trust that because Steve Brunella and guys like Ryan are huge believers and huge lovers of animals. Yeah, and the other thing is, man, people can't deny that it needs to be done

because there's only two options. Either you hunt the animals or you reintroduce predators. And when you reintroduce predators, you've got a whole new set of problems. First of all, you've cut down on some free meat. So unless you're saying that people should stop eating meat, totally. You've cut down on the amount of meat. You've cut down on the most humane way of ever harvesting an animal letting the animal live its entire life wild and normal and undisturbed until you take it so it literally is a free animal

and you go and earn it and get that animal it's not an animal trapped in a pen that you force into a corralled area then it gets a piston through the brain. Right. It's like, it's the most humane. Living in a feedlot. So I don't understand why you would want people to stop doing it. Is it the idea that people are upset at the idea of someone actually taking the life themselves? I mean, that must be. That's the only argument I can see, you know. Maybe it's they recognize that that connection between taking that animal and butchering

that animal is very close to the connection of taking a human life my issue with hunting is like i would i would not hunt a bear or a lion or something that i'm not going to eat i don't believe in that i don't like hunting mountain lions tastes good yeah steve ranella said that mountain lion steak is delicious yeah i read and he talks about it in the book he's got tasting notes on mountain lion it's pretty funny on the media but. That's funny. But it's actually hit or miss with mountain lion. Sometimes it's so stringy you literally can't even chew into it. Really? If you roast it for a long time in a stew.

Like a slow cooker? Yeah, it's kind of a pale meat and it's got an okay taste. But in fact, eating predators that live on animal protein is not such a good idea. Except fish. Except for fish. Fish are all delicious. They eat fish animal protein is not such a good idea. Except fish. Except for fish. Fish are all delicious. They eat fish. Yeah, that's a good point.

That's why you catch them with lures. Stupid fucks. How dumb are they? It's like throwing a robot in front of you that you think you could fuck. You dive on it and prong, stick in your asshole, and you get dragged into another dimension. It's like so rude. I love what you say. It's like you eat things with their face. you say it's like it was a rude things that

eat things with their face yeah and you catch them by the face yeah well i'm so afraid of the ocean it's it's you should be have you seen the ocean at night dark when it's dark pitch black i've been on it in a boat before it's terrifying me too my parents lived on a sailboat for a couple of years oh my god yeah my parents got a wild hair across their ass and they uh decided to retire and kick back for a while and my dad just stopped working for a few years he went back to to work afterwards but he stopped working for a few years and just uh sailed around they lived in the bahamas for a while they live in the and they get stuck in a hurricane once yeah but then i always worry about pirates and things yes so i need i mean if i can have a turret gun and a fucking 50 caliber sniper rifle

and a SEAL team following me, it'd be fine. Until we address the imbalance of the world, Brian Callen, there's always going to be pirates. I suppose you're right, my friend. You know, we're always concerned with fattening up our own pockets, but unless we feed those poor people of Somalia, they're going to keep doing what they want to do. I agree, I agree. How do you fix that? Like, the Somalia thing is so fucked up

it's an area the size of literally an area the size of Texas or Western Europe I mean that area that they talk about is so vast and yes you're going to have very poor people who come in and go let's hijack that very big boat and take you know whatever

you know how it started do you know how the Somalia thing started they call themselves the volunteer coast guard of Somalia because what happened was the somalian people were essentially fishermen and europeans started dumping toxic waste off their shores and fishing their shores yeah overfishing their shores with nets and shit and uh using uh did you hear that or was it just me did you hear that pop i didn that just me? Did you hear that, Pop? I didn't hear it. Yeah, I did. You did. And then polluting it with all sorts of toxic waste and just fucked up their whole ecosystem.

So all of a sudden, these people can't fish anymore. So they started holding these people captive. They would catch one of these fishing boats or one of these boats dumping shit off their coast. They would kidnap them and they would demand a ransom

because you guys have fucked up our fishing. We want some money. And then they realize, you know what? Fuck fishing. Let's just start jacking dudes all these people are in boats they all want everybody's going to want them back and so they just started taking over boats yeah so it was it's total chaos yeah i always think about that that navy seal guy that actually on a boat as it was bobbing up and down shot that dude with a headshot it's incredible as his boat was bobbing up and down that That's what you call good marksmanship.

Yeah. He probably used a wind mag 300. Apparently the gun I dropped that deer with was what the SEAL team, some of the SEAL team snipers use. That was a sick gun. That gun was pretty awesome. It's really accurate. You,

you shot really well too. You dropped your deer at what? 200 yards or something. They said it was a great shot. It was a, it's hard to stay calm. But like I said, I,

I, I'm so used to doing things when I'm nervous. I think it helped. Me too. Like knowing how to stay calm but like i said i i'm so used to doing things when i'm nervous i think it helped me too like knowing how to stay calm once i once i went once i remember to just control my breathing yeah that's everything and just focus on my my trigger finger everything stopped it's so easy to say but it's so hard to get a calm relaxing because you're you're also trying to calm yourself down you're out of breath to begin with usually. And you have 10 seconds. Yeah. Because this fucking thing is not going to stay still.

No, it's not going to stay still. This thing's moving. So as it's turned inside of you. You're on your belly. Yeah. You know, you got quills in your fucking leg. Steve Rinella blew a little horn. It sounds like a fawn, like a little thing.

And the deer went like this. And then boom. He just hit it. That's where I shot him. Yeah. It's fucked up, man. The whole process of it was fascinating. And then eating it that night.

Well, you had gotten the deer and I was so worried I wasn't going to get a deer. I was like, we're going for a buck. And then I found out we could actually shoot bucks or does. And he turns around and he goes, do you want to shoot a doe? I go, fuck yeah, I want to shoot a doe. I'll shoot. I'm eating it. I'm eating it.

Isn't it funny that that's a big issue for a lot of people? Like, I don't want to shoot a girl. Well, you know what else is interesting about where we were hunting is they were talking about the huge winter kills. Like, most of those mule deer don't make it through the winter. Yeah. They die of starvation or the cold. More than predators.

Yeah. Although we did find some mountain lion shits. We found some big, fat, thick shits that were filled with hair. Really? Yeah. Yeah. He was like, man like man he goes that's either one hell of a coyote or a mountain lion he goes most likely a mountain lion it's a pretty

big piece of shit wow this big fat mountain lion asshole was it as big as the shit that you took of me uh no it was different than your shit it was more like meaty you know they don't have any fucking vegetables or oatmeal in there yeah that's's true I took a photo of Brian's shit You made a flag He made a tinfoil flag Planted it next to my shit I did a lunge and presented it to him And he took a picture

Hey, we're 45 everybody What I was going to say on Twitter That Brian took this shit off the Missouri River And we put a flag next to it If you can go find it, I'll give you $1,000. And I was going to have a Twitter contest to find Brian's shit. But you have to use these waste bags. You can't just leave your shit laying around on the Missouri River.

It's foul. You have to dig it up and put it in these waste bags or shit in the bag itself. The bag has some powdered chemical in it that kills the smell and you zip it up and seal it. So had to essentially carry five days worth of shits with us so weird the whole thing was it's living at like that was really fascinating and man when we got back to that hotel room on the fifth day we we uh we've we landed our boats we traveled like 40 something miles by canoe and you know every day it was like six miles hiking

and when we got back i stunk oh i stunk terrible but when i got in that shower oh my god i was so appreciative we had a great meal with the wine yeah it was great uh what was the name of that place we went to i think what was it called it was really good it was uh walter walters no uh walkers walkers yeah really nice people too too. Really good food. Great place. Like, Billings, Montana is, like, surprisingly, like, diverse. Yeah, it is. We saw a black guy there. A couple of black guys.

We saw several gay gentlemen. A lot of gay gentlemen. Working at the, who were sitting at our table, in fact, at one point. And some were working as waiters. Yeah. I felt at home. I was like, this looks like L.A. or New York. It was, the gay guy was swapping gossip with me. It was awesome.

Oh, really? Oh, yes. He was telling me about this one and that one. And then there was the guy that we met that had a stroke because he did too much meth. Yep. I remember him. Handsome guy, but just had a stroke. Fucking meth is bad, folks.

Okay? Nobody ever did meth and went, you know what? Everything worked out after that. This dude got a stroke from meth. He was 23 years old. He had a fucking meth stroke. Like, whoa. So he's recovering from that.

But the kitchen is like, they were all hipsters working there. The chef had this big knife tattoo on his forearm. It's really interesting. Here you are in this, what used to be thought of as a cow town, like a classic cow town, Billings, Montana. But in fact, it's really kind of a cool town like a classic cow town Billings, Montana but in fact it's like really kind of a cool town

a lot of cool and interesting people there are a lot of gems hidden gems like that in this country Columbia, Missouri is just an unbelievable little town

it's a college town yeah, Ann Arbor, Michigan what is it called? Ann Arbor, Michigan Ann Arbor's another great town you ever do that I think it's called the Comedy Showcase

no I am doing Helium this weekend though Friday, Saturday Helium this weekend, though. Friday, Saturday. Helium in Philly. In Philly. Is one of the all-time great clubs. Really?

It really is, yeah. Come get your tickets, heliumcomedy.com. Yeah, just go to Brian's Twitter. You got it up on your Twitter, right? I'm putting it up. But you don't have it up yet, and you're there this weekend? I should have it up, right? You son of a bitch.

I'm doing it right now. I'm tweeting right now. I'll put it up. We'll put it up after the show. I'll do it for you. I'll be it. Have you done Gotham? In New York, I'll be in Gotham. I'm tweeting right now. I'll put it up. We'll put it up after the show. I'll do it for you. I'll be it. Have you done Gotham? In New York, I'll be in Gotham.

Yeah, I've done Gotham. The following weekend. Yeah, I used to do that all the time. Chris D'Elia is my boy. I mean, Chris Mazzilli, who owns it. Yeah, Gotham is a great club. It's another one of the best clubs. It's like one of the best clubs.

I think it's my favorite place to play in New York. I used to do Caroline's when I came into town. But Caroline's has that stage that's so small. Yeah, I'm actually hosting on Thursday, the 15th, I'm hosting live at Gotham, which they're shooting again. Oh, yeah? That'll be fun.

Then I have my own. I did that once. Then I'm doing two shows Friday on the 16th and two shows Saturday on the 17th of November. So come by, Gotham Comedy Club. That place was fun. I did that once. Yeah, you did it.

In fact, I was with you when you... I wasn't even doing stand-up and you got up and did a set there a long time ago. Really? Yeah. You killed it. It was me and Patty.

We watched you and... Powerful Patty. Powerful Patty. You should get her on that podcast. She's fucking awesome. I would love to have her on. I love Patty. We had a talk about the afterlife

on my podcast. Yeah. She was so fucking good. Patty's a funny... Patty's Brian's exty's brian's ex-girlfriend who's uh also a brilliant director just a fascinating chick she's so rare because she's very she's so very dude like yeah like when you're having conversations with her like yeah she's very dude like like what she was describing to me like like situations like actress breakdowns

and craziness and yeah you know her the the kind of stuff that she has to manage like being a director like sometimes it's like babysitting i know you know like we always hear like kevin pollock was on uh opie and anthony yesterday and was talking about uh some instance that he had on a set with michael clark duncan being a diva and he like told the whole story about it even after the guy was dead you know but it's like they all have these fucking stories like every director every person who it's like they all have these fucking stories like every director every person who works a set they all have these nutty stories of some crazy david i've just told me that he interviewed uh on his podcast uh lorenzo lamas by the way i just did

dove on my podcast uh on man thoughts uh which i'm posting today uh you guys might man thoughts i can't but he talks he went to a psychiatrist dove and you know what the psychiatrist said after 20 minutes he goes i see what's going on here. And Dove goes, what? He goes, you actually don't think you have a right to be born. I mean, you don't, you don't think you have a right to exist. Is that how you feel? Dove was like, yeah, that's exactly how I feel.

Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah. We talked about it in the fucking podcast. Wait a minute. Dove Davidoff doesn't feel like he should have the right to be born? Yeah.

Yeah. If you know how he grew up, it's his fucking life. I mean, Renee Zellweger is starring and directing the movie of his life. She's playing Dove Davidoff? She's playing the girl that likes him and loves him. She's playing Dove Davidoff. Imagine if Johnny Knoxville. She's like, I can do it.

Johnny Knoxville is playing Dove Davidoff in a story about his life. That's a fascinating thing. Yeah, I'm posting the fucking podcast today. Did Dove write all the dialogue and everything? So it's all as close to... Yeah, yeah. It was initially his thing, and I put him together with Anthony Tambac, because my buddy wrote Warrior.

Oh, he wrote it? Anthony's such a badass writer. I mean, every draft he'd come up with, you'd be like, how the fuck do you write this stuff? You know, Warrior was a strange movie, because it didn't get the attention that I thought it deserved. I saw that movie and I was like, wow, that's going to be a big hit movie. The only problem with that movie was the two-day fighting thing. They fought two days in a row.

I was like, man, I feel like you could have got around that. You had everything up to that. I mean, there was some cliched topics and cliched angles, but it was done so fucking well. Everybody from Nick Nolte down to the two brothers. I mean, it was really done well. It was a great fucking movie.

I enjoyed the shit out of it, man. And my wife enjoyed it. She doesn't really like, even like fight. It tested higher with women than it did with men. It's a good fucking movie, dude. It was a good fucking movie. But. It was a good fucking movie.

But for whatever reason, it just disappeared. I didn't get it. I was confused. There's a lot of times that happens, man, where a movie will just slip through. But a movie like that, too, was so epic and so much was put into it. And it made $6 million or something. It's opening weekend. It's just such a heartbreak, you know?

It's too bad. I don't get it. I would have thought that movie would have taken off. Maybe's just people were just like all whoa we got a problem brian that thing just popped really loud it's just the headphone jack yeah i think it is actually that's what it felt really yes brian how do you know because i felt that when i moved i moved this oh it's you you fuck you're moving things that's why it's you, you fuck. You're moving things. And that's why it's popping. See? Ha, ha, ha, ha. We solved the problem. Son of a bitch.

This is a new thing, actually, that we got. I ordered one of those, right? Yeah. For the new studio? Yeah. Anyway, where were we? We're at a loss of words. We're talking about...

How the movie only made $6 million and it's heartbreaking. If you're writing anything in life and doing a movie or anything that takes a long time, building a business, it's all an act of faith, man. And guess what? Sometimes it just doesn't fucking work. You just hope it does. The problem is you're dealing with a giant group of people and trying to – everybody's vision, trying to funnel them into like one sort of cohesive laser beam.

Listen, man. It's like I told you I had to sit down with Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, just me, him, and fucking John Leguizamo. Yeah, you had a good time, huh? Well, no, the reason I bring it up is he was talking about being governor for eight years and how fucking getting anything done was basically impossible.

So he'd have a really common sense measure, let's say, measuring the groundwater for farmers because we can use more of that water to go, you know, we don't need all this water. Let's measure the groundwater, see how much you need, and we'll siphon the rest off in L.A. And the farmers look at him and go, oh, nah, it's not going to happen. He's like, what do you mean? It's common sense.

We'll be right back. Three hours later, seven Republican senators are up in his office going, Mr. Governor, you can't. You are not going to measure the groundwater. It's not going to happen. But here's what we'll do. You call for a measuring of the groundwater, and we'll act like basically,

and then the farmers won't let us on the land. Everybody wins, huh? You get it? You get it now? How's that? He's literally saying, you're dealing with such powerful special interests. The only thing I could do as a governor was veto shit.

And he's so, by the way, talking to him, he's so socially liberal. I'm right down the... He's just physically conservative. He's talking about the insanity. He's more of the pull yourself up by the seat of your pants. Yeah, but he's also very socially

liberal he believes in like you know marriage and yeah and also like he believes that we should do something about global warming he's got regulations he's a he's a very i'm right down i'm right with him on practically and as he was speaking he was just so fair-minded and and but common sense measures common sense farming policy in this country where you don't subsidize huge factory farms? Try doing that sometime. Try getting elected. Just this shit is, these people spend all day,

they just spend all day down on Capitol Hill. When was the last time you were petitioning Capitol Hill? It's just the system is stupid. It's just really stupid. You got big labor unions that can make or break

your election. Well, Obama's been talking about special interest groups. He's been talking about getting rid of lobbyists. It's hard, though, because constitutionally you're allowed to petition your government. So how do you get around that? I don't know. I mean, there is a way, right?

Yeah, constitutionally, the Bill of Rights used to also have a lot of shit in it. It's not there anymore because of Patriot Act, NDAA. You could easily fix that, too. You could. It just seems like the idea of a lobbyist, it should be completely illegal. It should be completely illegal that you can use money. There's something wrong with the fact that all those counties around Capitol Hill

are the wealthiest counties and they don't produce a goddamn thing. It's just lawyers and lobbyists. They don't produce anything. What they do is they go, they're on hold of various companies, and they go and say, hey, Mr. Senator, you need to vote for this because it will bring a lot of jobs also to your constituency. We need a new airplane, and Boeing happens to have a plan there. You'll hire 1,100 people. Just vote for it.

Yeah. Don't look weak on defense. They're system gangsters. They find a system, and they exploit the weaknesses in the system. Yeah. And that's where we're at. So we have to deal with all these weaknesses. And you can't just say, well, you know, this is fine.

We just need to add some more laws. No, no, no, no. The whole thing should be parsed down to some really simple language. And you need to get all outside influence out of it. It has to completely be the will of the people. And if people choose to act like in groups as far as like religious groups want to boycott things or certain people, gay and lesbian people

want to support things so they support gay marriage, that's fine. That's all good. Organize. Do whatever the fuck you want to do. But the idea that you can get to the actual politicians themselves with money special favors yeah that's that is to make money that's crazy make money that's crazy that doesn't make any sense that's that's ridiculous

and it should be illegal how is that not legal but yet insider trading is that doesn't make any sense that's it's not legal but that's not illegal i meant how is that not as i should have said how is that because you're right legal and insider trading is illegal i mean it's it's essentially you're you it's all stealing it's all finding all these numbers and pulling them out of the system and sticking them into your account it's like you're doing some crazy shit you're influencing the way america runs like literally democracy like you're doing some crazy shit. You're influencing the way America runs. You're influencing democracy, man. Freedom.

You're influencing personal freedom for sure. I mean, how many people are in private prisons right now due to nonviolent drug offenses that are a direct result of lobbyists pushing for certain things to remain illegal? That is clear. That is money influencing people's freedom. That is literally shifting in degrees left or to the right, you know, as far as plus or minus how many people are incarcerated. That strikes me, what you're saying, strikes me as the most important. I believe that.

And, you know, I think it was James Madison who said that special interest groups have always been the threat to this form of system of government however they'll cancel each other out but you know it's not happening it seems like the the group that has the strongest you know look at look at what organized labor i'm part of a union so i understand unions you know but some of these some of these fucking labor unions are just you know i was talking to schwarzenegger about this they're they're they're literally lobbying and they and they get it they lobby for when they retire after 15 20 years they get 95 of their salary or whatever it is for the rest of their lives now that who says we can't afford that they've bankrupt the state they they they have bankrupt the state it's not just it's it's all different kinds of organized groups of labor who look at

the look at what the auto united auto workers union did to itself you could retire with 95 percent of your pension for the rest of your life and your whole family had benefits for the rest of their lives what are you talking about no you can't afford you couldn't sell enough cars to support your pension plan the states is that the truth yes yes that's exactly how what happened 95 percent 95 percent of your salary So are you going to go out And look for another job? Of course not

And this is exactly What happens with these Big pension plans Still though In their point of view They're busting their ass For 20 years Making millions of dollars

For Chevrolet Not the point How about you give me my money For a ride Chevrolet couldn't afford it They bankrupted the company Sons of bitches Should have made some better cars

It's what I was talking about. They should have made all Corvettes. They should have thrown all those other shit boxes out and everybody would have had Corvettes. Just make more cheaper. It wasn't even that their product was so bad and they're making really good products now. It's that they can't afford their retirement pool.

So it just got... And by the way, the same thing goes for almost every county in this fucking great state of ours, California. California, economically, looks a lot like Greece. And you know who told me that? Arnold Schwarzenegger. But you know, I also read that in Michael Lewis' book.

I did an exhaustive study on it. California... Do you think Michael Lewis gets any pussy? Or is he just out there studying numbers? He's so smart. Just looking at numbers. He's kind of a cool... From what I've seen pictures, he's kind of like a regular looking, pretty cool looking dude.

Yeah? Yeah. Some people write huge books and get laid all the time. That's ridiculous. I hate them. Those sons of bitches. At least I'm funnier. I hope.

You hope? I hope. You never know. I'm sure you are. It's always good to be around people who you're a little in awe of, who just are better at some shit. It's important. It's important to be around people that are good at shit, too.

Smarter. You know, I did San Francisco and Seattle this past weekend. We did it with Brian and Greg Fitzsimmons. Greg Fitzsimmons is fucking funny, man. He's funny. He's always been funny. Oh, dude, he's always been funny, but he's got this new level of I don't give a fuck that I haven't seen from him before.

He took it to the next level this weekend. He's great. This past weekend was awesome. He was really funny in Seattle, too. How much time did he do? Like a half hour. That's great. this past weekend was awesome he was really funny in seattle too how much time did you do like a half hour it's great yeah it was awesome killer it's just like my it's like my style of comedy that i enjoy watching just like really ridiculous rude honest hilarious descriptive you know he it was really fun it's like you know like there's certain types of music you know like if you go to a club to see music it's never just live music and you take a guess as whether or not it's going to be hip-hop

or country western but with stand-up comedy it's like we don't really have genres you know you like you could call someone a shock comic which is you know derogatory really to a lot of folks but meanwhile my favorite comics would be classified in the shock comic category. Like Dice Clay. Call him a shock comic. I think he creates ridiculous scenarios that are disgusting

and hilarious. And that, by the way, a lot of us think, but don't say. But by the way, it's a fucking work of art. He's a character. His name isn't even

Andrew Dice Clay. He's made a character. He does it on stage. He's got giant glasses on. And he says ridiculous shit. Like that, you can't just diminish that by calling it shock comedy. Because to me, it's not. It's a style of comedy.

It's a legit style. Yeah. But we don't have labels. You know, it's like there's certain types of comedy where, you know. You and I were talking also about how, what a privilege it is to feel, to be a headliner and to be somebody who gets to perform all over the country. And like,

sometimes I look at, I was in Miami, like Fort Lauderdale. And I just, you know, it was, I did, you know,

I got, I, at one point I just had him going, you know, pretty strong. And I just looked at, I was like, I felt like the luckiest human being in the fucking world.

That's why when I watch Matt McConaughey in fucking magic, Mike and his fucking leather chest girdle and his fucking hot pants. And he's coming off stage after dancing by going, oh, yeah, I did it. Hey, hey, Joker boy, come fucking do 10 minutes of stand up, you fucking idiot. I don't jump off stage like I just did an hour and a half and crush him. Somebody hug me hard so I can kiss your mouth. What is this animosity towards Matthew McConaughey? I'm attracted to him, all right?

I mean, I hate him. I mean, I hate him. I mean, I hate him. Did he touch you in Malibu? No, I was just thinking about how you're an actor and you have five scenes in a movie and people are like, whoa, you were great in that movie. You collectively are probably doing

10 or 15 minutes of actual activity, whereas when you do stand-up, you're out there for, you know, it's just a different thing. Well, why would you care, though, that he wants to... Because I fucking hate him so much. What does it matter? What's going on?

No, I just saw the movie and I was just looking at him going, you took this movie just so you could wear those outfits. He gave you the biggest boner, didn't he? He did. If I was gay, I would definitely. He's a very attractive man.

Which one would you choose out of the Magic Mike? Oh, well, Channing Tatum. Really? That's my boyfriend. You kidding? He's got a full mouth. He's got the best genetics. He's got thick lips.

He's got nice skin. The eyes on him, the cat eyes. He seems confident, too. He's a great guy. But he's got a big cock. Sense of humor. Jesus, we're both really something Joe Rogan and Brian Callen. Gay as it gets.

Talking about Channing Tatum's cock. So did you watch the actual whole movie? That just came out of humor. Jesus, we're both really something Joe Rogan and Brian Callen. Gay as it gets. Talking about Channing Tatum's cock. So did you watch the actual whole movie? That just came out of you. You just went, I bet he's got a big cock. Bet he's got a big cock. Did you watch the actual whole movie from the beginning to the end? Yeah, because I wanted to annoy myself more and more. Although I thought the movie was good.

Were you alone? I liked Channing Tatum. I mean, I had my hands. That movie looked so gay that I was flipping through the channels. I was, I had my hands. That movie looks so gay that I was flipping through the channels. I was flipping through the channels and I saw it. It popped up and I went,

whoa, change it quick. You know how you're flipping through like you have preview and then the next preview? I know. Like at a hotel. I was chilling at a hotel and I was like,

this is so gay. I got to get it off. Like dudes were like gyrating back and forth, which by the way i don't think women like that i think that motion is really just isolated as someone riding dicks i don't think that i know gyrating like the way a guy's doing it women like thrusting they like to get fucked they don't they want you you're you're a dick rider you dick riding circle man dick riding sweaty circle man

And you know what Makani he's doing He's got a fucking A leather thong And he's doing Back bends and shit And but the character I was watching

What bothered me Was I was watching I go You know As an actor If I took that role There's a lot I'd do With that role maybe

But I wouldn't Because there's not a lot to do Like he played it Just one note Shut the fuck up bitch You would take that role In a goddamn heartbeat You and Channing Tatum In your underwear Forget it That guy would be your boyfriend not a lot to do. He played it just one note. Shut the fuck up, bitch. You would take that role in a goddamn heartbeat.

You and Channing Tatum in your underwear. Forget it. That guy would be your boyfriend. He'd be carrying around like he was crossing the wedding nuptial line. Yeah, but I would look like I have fucking rickets

next to that guy. You would do the movie with him though, dude. You would do it. So shut the fuck up. You're giving Matthew McConaughey a hard time and you're doing the movie.

Maybe he just wanted to meet Channing Tatum too. You know what? You just chose a bad. Matthew, I'm sorry'm sorry brother i don't mean to put you down you got a point there enough guy i hear i hear he's a very nice guy yeah i hear he's a nice guy doesn't mean he's not really vain and not an annoying well listen man he's playing a part how could you like if you judged me based on the movie zookeeper you think i was a total douchebag in malibu. He does?

Yeah, with his shirt off. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. If I see you and you're doing push-ups in front of the pavilion in Malibu, I'm going to take your back. That's right. I'm going to take your back, and I'm going to get the hooks in my friend. Or just kick him in the ribs.

He can scream all you want. You shouldn't have been doing push-ups with your shirt off. You're not allowed to do that with a knapsack on and a bandana while tourists take pictures of you is that what he was doing yeah that annoys me he wanted to be really fit for this movie maybe it was like something he was like working on like what kind of exhibitionist could he become because he was playing a part in a movie man did you murder he think about that look think about look what what's his name does when he does um daniel day lewis when he gets immersed in a role yeah he's i mean he's unbelievably immersive maybe that's what matth gets immersed in a role. Yeah, he's amazing. I mean, he's unbelievably immersive.

Maybe that's what Matthew McConaughey was doing. No, I don't agree. He was just being a douchebag. Don't agree. He's playing a douchebag in a movie, man, and that's douchebag activity. The role wasn't so much of a douchebag. The role was more of just like he's supposed to be the club owner, but you'll see what I mean. Would it be okay if he did push-ups in a place where nobody could see? Yes.

Let's say if there was some grass in front of his car and nobody could see and he dropped down for a quick 50. No, here's what bothers me. Are you okay with that? Here's what bothers me. Yes, there I am. Here's what bothers me. If you work out just for the sake of vanity and then when I see what you're doing is you're just sculpting for it to be a peacock,

I understand. I get staying in shape. There's something about it. If it's not for something functional, if it's not for something that you're doing, I immediately, I'm just saying, you can do it. You're not my friend. That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. You're not my fucking friend. Why is that? What about a guy who's just doing bench presses and curls, never touches the legs, just wants to look good in a tight shirt? But if he's doing it, you know why I like that? Why I got no problem with that? He's doing it so he can go out and get laid on a Saturday night.

Fucking A. God bless you. What do you think Matthew McConaug He's doing it so he can go out and get laid on a Saturday night. Fucking A. God bless you. What do you think Matthew McConaughey's doing when he's wearing leather underwear doing backpacks? He's doing it so he can fucking get the dailies and jerk off to himself. Okay? That's why he's fucking doing it.

And there's a difference. When I see Matt McConaughey doing a role like that in Magic Mike, all I'm seeing is something masturbatory. I watch Channing Tatum. He's trying to do something. He's actually playing a character who's fucking conflicted about being a 30-year-old stripper,

and it's fucking great. McConaughey, it's a masturbatory performance. He's watching himself. He's not trying to do anything. He's not trying to express anything. That's my opinion. That's what he's trying to play. The guy has shown a pretty broad range of acting

in the world of television. Go of acting. I don't agree. In the world of television. Go marry him. I don't want to marry him, but he was really good in contact. What the hell is going on here? He was all right. He was good in contact. I enjoyed him. I thought he was sensitive.

He's not without talent. I thought he really seemed like the type of guy that would fall in love with Jodie Foster. That was a long time ago. Listen. I can't believe you just brought that in the movie. He was great. It's amazing that even after all those years, he still has such a great body. He looks phenomenal.

Freak you out. He looks phenomenal. I mean, he's got his hair. His skin is really youthful. His hair's probably fake. They just probably glue some hair on. Maybe there's a lot that's fake. What are you doing?

Magic Mike? Magic Mike. But this isn't McConaughey. Stick myself with you. No. Watch him. Good. Because I do.

There's your boy. There's your boy. There's your boo-boo. He's awesome. The businesses that I manage, they deal exclusively in cash. He's got a great sense of humor, too. He's a guy. There he is.

That's my boy. That's son of a bitch. Mike. Mike has fans. Watch him dance, though. Oh. That's him doing it. Son of a bitch. Mike. Mike has fans. Watch him dance, though. Oh. That's him doing it, too. You are that dreamboat guy that never came along.

That's a cool table. Are you Mander? You should sell these things. That's actually the idea. My sister. Mike. Oh, nice one. Thank sister. Mike, uh... Oh, nice one.

Thank you, Mike. So how do you know my brother? I'm an entrepreneur. I, uh, manage a few businesses. I'm trying to hit on my sister. Okay, uh, good talk. Entrepreneur-stripper or stripper-entrepreneur? Either one.

I was hoping it was all a joke. Oh, it's pretty funny. I'm just trying to figure out why stripping. Women, money, and a good time. It's pretty funny. I'm just trying to figure out why stripping. Women, money, and a good time. Just try not to forget about the people who exist in the daylight. The non-vampire. Are we fighting? Is this our first fight? Wait a minute, is he a stripper with a heart of gold?

He sure is, brother. I think that's what's going on here. Man, dude, is that Channing Tatum? Oh, it's Joe Rogan. That was so weird. I just can't be around your lifestyle. Am I Magic Mike right now talking to you? Am I Magic Mike right now talking to you? This might be a roadhouse, Joe.

This is the new roadhouse. It's actually an okay movie, man. Ryan, you just turned gayer than this whole movie. I did. You just went gayer than gay marriage. There's Matt. There's Matt. Let me see. Oh, there he is.

Oh, my God. He does that Kiss Me song? Really? Yeah. That's it? I want to see more. You got 20s? You don't want to know what I have to do for 20s.

Oh, I get it. You suck a cock. Joe. Because, you know, that's what really goes on with those guys. Look at the body of this kid. Damn, what a handsome bastard. I know. He's about 6'1", too.

Look at the back on him. Strapping beast of a man. Yeah. Played college football, I think. Strapping fucking athlete. All right, let's go in. Who the fuck would... Why did you watch that?

I don't know what happened to you. I was with my girl. You dropped on your head when we went hunting. Did you slip? Mrs. Callum wanted to watch it. Oh, Mrs. Callum wanted to watch it. I was like, all right. He's blaming it on Mrs. Callum.

Wow. I might have to get high and watch it, but I'll probably get really scared. I'll probably have to get my blankie covered. You'll get a little jealous. You better be inside of a pussy when you watch it the whole time. I can't do that. I don't have that kind of stamina anymore. Neither do I.

Or desire. Or chaos, I was about to say. Or will. That's why you need these jokes. I got tricked early on in life, but I figured it out now. I'm fine just beating off and then going about my business. So am I. Dude i dude you gotta take one of these pills yeah what is this stuff you took yeah it's hot rod 5000 throw that shit over here

and i took one uh last night when i got home what's in it i can't read this it's too small it's something extracted from ants so i guess what well i don't know why something in ants maker you have hard-ons and i'm maybe you just don't know that ants have rock-hard boners the whole time. Look at this label. Look at this, what it is. I guarantee you this is probably some fucking prescription drugs that they just repackaged. It's marketed towards the gay community, I heard. I bet you could get Viagra.

I'm not saying it is, but what if it was? Is it possible that you could get Viagra, like bulk Viagra? Because they have generic, whatever it's called, modafinil or whatever the fuck the actual chemical. I think it's interesting that the label is so tiny that you can't even read it. Yeah, you can't read what the fuck's in there. So you think there's some kind of prescription thing in there?

I just wouldn't trust it. They definitely found that with athletic supplements. Yeah, Brody said that. There's been a lot of athletic tainting where you take some shit and it actually has steroids in it. There was some stuff that they used to sell

that's illegal now that essentially is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there was a thing called Mag10 that I took and holy shit, it was unbelievably strong.

And you could get it at GNC. I was fucking so strong when I was taking that stuff. It was amazing. It was by it. Was it Decanabol or something? I don't know what the fuck it was. Essentially, it was an oral steroid.

It had an effect of a steroid. You can get it at GNC for a little while. They used to have GHB at GNC. I remember seeing that shit. It was in a refrigerator. That's hilarious. It was the biggest. It wouldn't go away.

I would masturbate and then just be another boner and I'd have to masturbate again. That's amazing. It was just crazy. That sounds like it's just as good as Viagra. Yeah, it was really good. Were you watching Magic Minds? No.

It was just a coincidence. It was odd that I had a boner. Well, I mean, the only thing that it could be doing is maybe it has some nitric oxide effect. I mean, that's the idea behind like those. It opens up your. The NO2 pills. Your capillaries.

Yeah. Brody said that gave him crazy boners. Yeah, that gives you boners. Yeah, that has a very Viagra-like effect. What's that? Those nitric oxide drinks. You know those drinks like NO2 explode and shit, which might be illegal now. Explode?

Yeah. Frothyode? Yeah. Frothy explosions? Yeah, maybe that's what you're talking about. Frothy loads. There was some other stuff called Jack 3D. One of those is off the market now. One of them they yanked. Yeah.

I think it was Jack. Jack 3D. Jack sounds like it should be yanked. Dude, I used to take that stuff before I lifted and I'd just fucking just start sweating like immediately. Your heart's pounding, sweating. I'm waiting for them to, I want them to block the myostatin in my fucking muscles. No, you don't want to do that, man.

You'll look like that artificial you that they used for your ad for your comedy special. You holding the mic up in the air. I had to blow my arms. They look like Dean Lister's arms. I want them to be bigger because it looks like it would have been just more stupid. Because they're like, we can't,

look, it doesn't make any sense. Look your head exactly framework for this i have a narrow head it's weird when you see people that have like big parts of their bodies and then everything else is normal well brendan shop's a little bit like that like brendan's got a small like like he's got a head like that fits on me but he's 65 250 and i was looking at his head i go dude you have a fucking his hands and his head are not very big and what did he say did you say that so yeah he's 6'5", 250 And I was looking at his head I go, dude, you have a fucking His hands and his head are not very big And what did he say? Did you say that to him? Yeah, he was like, yeah, I know

I got a small fucking head And I got a small I got a small head I was like Because the rest of his body is retarded Like, he's so fucking strong Yeah, it's weird when people get Like, is the worst

The biggest head When you have a big head and a little body Is that the worst? Well, a lot of stars A lot of stars have that Big head, little body Yeah, like Mick Jagger and shit He's got got a big head little body huge head got a giant head he's 130 pounds well your head keeps growing you know your nose keeps growing your ears keep

growing that's the weirdest thing when you see old people and they have gigantic ears i know you're like whoa what is going on with your ears man keeps fucking growing yeah a nose a large nose though for some reason is not as disturbing because, like, from the get-go, they have a large nose. It's just a nose. It's a masculine trait, too. The ears, though, it's like, what is happening to your ears? Like, can you stop those with ear guards? Because that shit is worse.

Can you bind your ears, sir? What if you're an old dude with cauliflower ear? I mean, you just look like a fucking elephant. Oh, fucking Jean LaBelle. You ever seen Jean LaBelle? Oh, my God. Jean LaBelle's ears are so big that the sun never hits his face. I was like, what the fuck is with those ears? He's got a fucking elephant. Oh, fucking Gene LaBelle. You ever seen Gene LaBelle? Oh, my God. Gene LaBelle's ears are so big that the sun never hits his face. I was like,

what the fuck is with those ears? He's got a giant head. He's 80. Yeah, he's an older gentleman. I wouldn't want him getting me in a fucking double wrist lock. No. No way.

At 80, he'll break your fucking wrist. There was a story about some kids breaking into a car in this neighborhood just fucking 10 years ago or whatever when he was 70 years old.

And he went out to stop them and they gave him a hard time he put one of them to sleep the other one he flips on his head he's no joke dude

there's certain old men you can't fuck with man you couldn't fuck with him when he was young he was a stunt guy on Death Valley the TV show I did and I'm sitting

I'm in the makeup chair and I'm pontificating about fighting like I like fucking the blue belt the blue belt in Jiu Jitsu I'm talking about well the, and I'm pontificating about fighting. In the makeup chair? The blue belt in jiu-jitsu I'm talking about. I go, well, the guy's going to beat him in this UFC fight, and I'm going on and on. I'm basically Joe Rogan Light in the fucking trailer, right?

But I don't know as much, and I'm fucking being a fucking – if you'd heard me talk, you would have been like, is this guy fighting the octagon? A little knowledge goes a long way. Fucking Gene LaBelle starts piping in, but he's got zombie makeup on. And I go, ah, you the little knowledge goes a long way. Fucking Gene LaBelle starts piping in but he's got zombie makeup on and I go, ah, you seem to know fighting

a little bit and the other stuntman goes, it's Gene LaBelle, bro and I go, holy shit, Mr. LaBelle, I'm so sorry, I've been talking about fighting

this whole time and I spent, I was glued to his side for three days. Like a little puppy. Like a puppy dog, asking him questions and everything.

He's a sweetheart of a guy too. Yeah. He judges, does a lot of judging. Oh, does he? Yeah, you see him at MMA events and he's He's a sweetheart of a guy, too. Yeah. He judges. Does a lot of judging. Oh, does he? Yeah, you see him at MMA events, and he's always with Ronda Rousey. And he worked with a lot of those guys. She's a bad, bad-ass chick.

Does she work out with him or something? Well, he worked with, I'm sure this year he's done some working out with her. He's worked with a lot of those, the Armenian dudes, the go-karts guys. There's, like, what a group of fucking animals. Are they? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Karo.

You told me you rolled one of these strong shit, right? Karo. Karo's ridiculously strong. Karo Parisian. This is back when I think I was a blue belt or a purple belt. Yeah. He just ragdolled me. Really?

Yeah, yeah. He throwed me around. He throwed me around. He's strong as shit. Well, you know, Karo beat Sokajou in a fucking judo match when he was a kid. Sokajou is so much bigger than Caro. And they had an open weight judo match

and Caro beat him. Some people are weird strong that way. Caro was just super talented at judo too. He had a real bad injury though. When he was training for the Matt Hughes fight, you know, Caro had a bunch of, he's another dude

that had a bunch of prescription pill problems. And what happened was he tore his leg when he was training for a title shot back when matt hughes was champion and he tore it bad he flexes it when he flexes it now it looks like a shark took a bite out of his leg and i'm not exaggerating his hamstring just disappeared exploded and he never got it surgically repaired so he's got this big concave area in his leg and it took most of the power out of his leg So he's got this big concave area in his leg, and it took most of the power out of his leg, and he got him on pain pills.

So, you know, that guy. He didn't have health insurance or something, probably. Well, I mean, I don't know what it was. I'm sure he didn't have health insurance or maybe tried to, like, rehab it. I'm pretty sure he didn't have insurance. So, you know, now I don't know if there's anything they can do about it. I think once the muscle, like muscle slides back and rolls up, I think it's really hard to reattach it. I think they have to do it right after the injury.

I know that's the case with biceps. A lot of dudes, they blow their bicep out, and then they have no bicep. Have you seen that before? Yes. A lot of fighters have that, where it curls up, and the top of their bicep is like a little knot, and then below it, there's nothing left.

So weird. Yeah, and that's what it's like with his legs. So it kind of fucked his career up. When you're making your living off your body, one thing like that. The other thing about training, as you get older, and a lot of guys are training a long time, you want to go in and blow yourself to bits in the gym. Actually, what happens is by the time you're 40, a lot of times, you're having major problems with your hips or your knees and stuff like that.

So a huge part of exercise is knowing when to stop and doing just enough. If you look at people's bodies, like athletes and stuff, you realize no matter how strong they are, we are fucking fragile, man. Bone and cartilage doesn't really do well under duress. Yeah, well, there's just certain parts of your body that break. There's nothing you can do about it. Knees, hips. Hips, ankles. You know,

certain shit that just breaks down, man. I see a lot of people with hip surgery, man. That's scary fucking shit. Dude, hip surgery sucks because when you get a fake hip, it's good for 10 years. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

And you're not doing sports anymore. And, by the way, if they come out with some shit that grows you a better hip joint, now you can't do it anymore. Yeah. Because you've hacked your shit off and put an artificial one in there. Well, they're going to have artificial bones, artificial everything.

I mean, haven't they already replaced, like, femurs and stuff? Or, I don't know if it was a femur, but I believe they've replaced part, maybe a, what's the big one? There's a fibula and a tibula? Well, there are a couple of people. There are a number of people who have rebuilt, literally, tracheas and bladders. They take the cartilage from a cadaver, and then they...

Our new sponsor, Cricket. Oh, you have a cricket. What is that? It's a cricket. It's a real cricket in here? That's funny. Oh, that's hilarious. You want me to try to find it?

I'll try to find it. Yeah, try to find it. I won't find it. Brian will tell you, well, I was in the Mugabe Desert. I was going to say... As soon? I'll try to find it. Yeah, try to find it. You won't find it. Brian will tell you. Well, when I was in the Mugabe Desert, as soon as you get up, you stop. Try some raw hamburger. Let it go rank. But what was I talking about?

Something really important. What were you talking about? Now you're looking for it in a shot. Conti cricket. Injuries, the body, recovering from sports. Yeah, they took a trachea. This woman had her trachea had to be removed because of tuberculosis. And then they took a trachea from a cadaver and they sprayed it with her stem cells.

And she grew a trachea and now she has it in her body. What happens is I believe that the cartilage then is taken over by the stem cells and they grow their own cartilage. So she grew her own trachea. That's incredible incredible and they did the same thing with uh bladders well you know when you grow uh when you have an acl surgery and you use a cadaver uh acl graft it basically just acts as a scaffolding right and then your body for yourselves to build over it yeah a real acl over it huh so as you do your rehab and your exercises, your body is assimilating that tissue and taking it over with its own. Right.

So in the first, you know, in the beginning, it's just like, it's not really. You just want them to grow new limbs and stuff. New fucking legs. Yeah. For people who lose their fucking limbs. Well, people think that it was replaced. They think, well, now I got this new ligament. It's in place.

And, you know, I just got to strengthen it. Like, no, no, no, no, no. It's like, it's got to grow there. Well, that's to strengthen it like no no no no it's like it's got to grow there well that's what george sanpere was talking about his acl you know you you feel 100 but the he didn't do it that way he did a different thing yeah he did a different thing he did what's called a patella tendon graft and that i did on my left leg and what that is you know that tendon in the front of your knee yeah and this is one of the arguments for doing this the tendon in front of your knee is really big.

It's really fat. You don't need all of it. So they take like a third of it, and they have a piece of bone from your shin where it attaches, and a piece of bone from your kneecap where it attaches there. And then they open you up like a fish, and then they screw it into the bottom of your leg. And they screw it into the top. What are they screwing?

They screw the bone into your, they drill a hole in your leg and then they screw the bone into place. I have screws in the bottom of my knee and in the top of my knee on the left side that show up in x-rays. It's amazing. Yeah, and then it's just a matter of

getting circulation to that tissue and letting that tissue heal up and regenerate. That's what he was talking about. He said he had to wait until the circulation and the capillaries kind of formed. Yes, it's a long process. And you also have to make sure that during that process you don't re-injure yourself

because you still essentially have no ACL on that side. It's this wobbly piece of flesh. When was the last time he fought? George, it's been a while. He injured his leg at least nine months ago. And he's ready for November. When is Nick eligible to come back? Because I know weed is a performance-enhancing drug.

I know it's an important one. He didn't even test positive for weed, man. He tested positive. Man. Man. He didn't listen, man. He ain't seen one of mine. This fucking po-po is on his ass.

He tested positive for a marijuana metabolite, which is non-psychoactive. So what he had in his system, like say if he only took this marijuana metabolite, like took it in a pill form, it wouldn't do anything. It literally is non-psychoactive. You can't get high from it.

So the idea of marijuana as a performing, it's an enhancing drug, with this non-psychoactive trace element inside your body it's just silly because he wasn't it's one thing is if he tested that he was they tested that he was high when he was fighting okay and by the way that has happened when he fought gomi they did a test i don't know if he was actually high when he fought gomi but he probably got high the day before amazing fucking great that was a great fight too he caught gomi in that gogo blotter oh that was so sweet you know he was like he's so calm under fire man he sets that shit up and

slapped it on gomi that was a that was a big big victory to him that was like some anger but that controlled anger like somehow he can keep it the thing is about his pace nick diaz has this crazy pace that he can keep going so other dudes like as you're in this wild dog fight with him, they wear out. And he just keeps going. Well, that's kind of why I'd like to see Cain Velasquez fight fucking John Jones. Well, Cain's going to fight Junior Dos Santos. That's the next fight. He got stopped the first time, right?

Yes, he did. They're fighting in July. Is that because Junior Dos Santos is a better boxer? Well, I don't know. I mean, Junior caught him. I mean, it's just what it is. I mean, they said that Junior had a knee injury. Kane definitely had a knee injury.

They fought on Fox, and, you know, Kane stood up with him a little bit too long. And Junior just winged a bomb at him and caught him right in the temple and dropped him. Well, the problem is when you're not wearing gloves, and those guys, when you guys hit that hard, I don't care what your head looks like. You're going out. Yeah, well, Junior punches fucking hard. He punches hard, and he swung that one. They're fighting again January, the January 1st weekend.

I think it's December 29th, the big event in Vegas. It should be fucking crazy. And that's the rematch. Because everybody thought before that fight that Junior Dos Santos was going to be a top fighter. They definitely thought that he had a chance of winning that fight. But Kane was the favorite. Kane was the guy that everybody thought.

After he destroyed Brock Lesnar, everybody was like, God damn, Kane Velasquez might be the best ever. What a fucking heavyweight. What a destroyer. But Junior just changed the whole course of the heavyweight title picture with one punch. And now everybody's scared of Junior. He's so hard to take down junior he's so hard to take down he's so hard to take down his hands are so good didn't he didn't he uh he took care of uh shane carwin as well right he beat the fuck out of shane carwin man shane carwin took that fight too coming off of injuries shane has had a succession of injuries

mostly related electrical engineer yeah super nice guy great guy super cool smart great guy he's um ox strong just i mean you look at strong he picked me up in a bear hug and started squeezing me and and and i and i was like and i was because i always fuck with him i'm grabbing him i'm going i'll fucking arm drag you and pepper your ribs or whatever he just i'm always he's such a giant we tried to arm wrestle he picks me. He starts squeezing me. And I start immediately tapping. And he goes, that's 40%, bro. And I look at Nate Marquardt right there. And I go, could he do that to you?

And Nate goes, if I let him, yes, he could. Yeah, he's a spooky dude. He's got some serious strength. He had a long series of injuries that he got from football. Quite a few. And he's had some surgeries to sort of clear up some of the issues. But when that stuff starts fucking with you, man, you know, especially back and nerve issues, he's had a lot of that.

That is very hard to recover from. Well, I think he's probably smart to keep that full-time job, you know. I mean, he likes working too. He says it separates. Loves his family, likes working. He says the work sort of separates him from the gym time and lets him completely relax and get into his work. And, you know, it allows him not to dwell on it like, you know, like some fighters just have the whole day to themselves.

He's got such a good sense of humor. I did a little guest spot on, you know, on The Ultimate Fighter. And I came in. And at one point when I first met him, I go, fuck. I go, I don't know what I'd do. Like, what would I do with you if you were my roommate in prison? Like, what would I do against you? And he goes, you'd suck my cock.

You know those eyes? He just did nothing blinking. He just looked down. You'd suck my cock. I was like, Jesus Christ. I guess I would. Maybe you just try to talk him out of it. I'd have to figure out a way to make a 6'1", 285-pound fighter my type.

Just talk him out of it. Yeah. Just tell him how bad you are at sucking cock, how bad your breath look yeah yeah what if you just okay okay and just took a poo in your hand and rubbed it all over your mouth you still want some of this that's what i would do bitch you want me to suck you would you rather eat your own poo or suck or suck shane carlin's dick well you probably he's a celebrity probably healthier to suck his dick just think of like eating poo is really dangerous you get hepatitis from one anditis from one and just shitty self-esteem from the other. Yo, Brian, we're going to have to hire someone to kill that fucking cricket.

I'll just bring my cat over here. Your cat's not good enough with that cricket. That cricket's a gangster. He's a Pasadena cricket. Don't make fake noises, too, you fuck. Does it make you feel like you guys are camping again? No, there was no bugs. It was too cold for bugs, man.

Yeah, there was no bugs at all. We were out in the middle of nowhere. If we go to, I was thinking about this, if we go in August to Alaska and hunt caribou, what about grizzly bears? I don't fucking know. Yeah, that's a possibility. They'd encountered them this last, they went hunting with Tim Ferriss, who, by the way, was returning to the podcast, I believe on the the 18th. Powerful Tim Ferriss.

I want to get him on my podcast. He's not available. He's doing mine, though, on the 18th. Damn it. Sorry. Damn it. Sorry. It's always about Brian.

He's got to bring it back to himself. Always got to bring it back to me. He's like, I want to get him on my podcast. I know. Take it back in your face. They went in August. They went caribou hunting. He went with Rinella, and they shot a caribou.

But apparently, yeah, they had to chase grizzly bears out of camp. Seriously? Yeah, because what was they shot a caribou. But apparently, yeah, they had to chase grizzly bears out of camp. Seriously? Yeah, because what was happening was the caribou, you find them when they run in these big herds. You go out and stalk them and you find them. Well, there's campgrounds. And some of the caribou had gone through the places where people were camping. So the folks that were there before them had shot caribou in that campground. So in the campground smelled like butchered flesh.

Fuck. They had gut piles. They had animals hanging from meat. So when they got there, that night the grizzly bears came. So they had to scare them off. They had to run at them and shoot at them. Jesus.

Yes. I don't like that. I don't like that. That's one of the first things that you and I talked about. That's a big man-eating dog. Fuck that. Before we were so apprehensive about this trip, both Brian and I were both like, fucking what about bears, dude? You worried about bears?

Yes! I called him up. He was, I was just fucking thinking about bears. Because as it got down to like the last couple weeks, we were like, we're really going to go camping with these crazy animals in the middle of nowhere? I know. Yeah. Are you glad you did it?

Also, you're in a tent and you can't protect yourself. You can't see it coming. Especially since the first night was freezing rain. The first night was 35 degrees outside and we were sleeping in this pouring rain. Yeah, then it got down to 12 degrees. Hey, how you doing? On that boat. We were fucking on a canoe for four hours.

I was literally wearing a sleeping bag. I was fucking cold. It was cold as shit. But I used it as an exercise. The rowing part, I just rowed as hard as I could. I used it as a workout. And then the part, I just rowed as hard as I could. I used it as a workout. And then the hiking, I just thought of just control my breathing and use the hiking as an exercise. Yeah, when I was moving, there was no problem.

There was problems when you weren't moving. I almost did a workout the day before we left. I was sitting around the house. I was packing up all my shit. I was like, maybe I should just go lift or do a crazy kettlebell workout or something. If I did that, I would have been so fucked. i had no idea it was going to be so physically demanding those guys have you have to be in serious you're canoeing yeah and then you're hiking and you got to pack on your back packing that meat out packing that 45 pounds of meat or whatever it was that was

not easy we only had to walk a mile he talked about an elk that they shot where they got up for four days in a row. They got up before it was light, and they got back when it was dark out. And all they did was cut and pack this fucking animal. Yeah, he said it was so bad that you were looking for an excuse to get out of it, like to hurt yourself or something. They walked nine miles both ways every day. So they walked 18 miles and brought back meat that's a crazy every day over hills and craggy bluffs is that a real thing sounds good sounds good dry creek through the shri with all sorts of all through the shri following them as they went

looking to the left and to the right At the shining eyes in the woods By the way, you have to listen If you get a chance, we're posting it I don't know why I'm thinking about this Are you advertising one of your podcasts? I swear to God, I'll shut your fucking mic off Because you're going like this You're talking about, for some reason, a character

And you used to do a Mike Tyson And we do a little Who's we? We interview Mike Tyson on the 10-Minute Podcast. You might want to check it out. You actually interviewed him? Yeah. Where'd you catch him?

Don't worry about it. Just fucking listen to it. It's only 10 minutes. Oh, it's Will Sasso doing a Mike Tyson impression. I don't know who it is, but it's fucking... Don't do that to me. You're fucking lying to me. I looked in your eyes.

I saw deception. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not a girl, Brian. I look away. You can't do this to me. I look away. You're trying to advertise your podcast. No.

This is your figure. And the way to do it is to pretend you're trying to advertise your podcast and this is your figure and the way to do it is to pretend that you really had mike tyson on but you didn't you son of a bitch you had a fucking impressionist you used to do mike tyson can you do it it's not that good it's pretty good i'd have to listen to him talk if i listen to him talk you could do it i can i can imitate people when i hear them talk a bunch of times but i don't practice like i'm not like i'm not like a real impressionist. Opie and Anthony had, what's his face that I was talking about earlier? Kevin Pollack, who's brilliant.

His fucking impressions are ridiculous. Have you heard his Christopher Walken? That thing just popped and no one even moved. I know. I don't know what's going on. We might have to take this bitch apart. We've got electrical problems. It's the government

scanning equipment interfering with our fucking microphones. It's gotta be it. Those sons of bitches. Write your own dick jokes. Feds. Gumshoe.

Strange. Hmm, yeah. That's funny that we think the government would listen to us when they could just download it on the internet. That's how stupid we are.

Yeah, man. They're spying on the show as if they can't just listen. They're getting it a couple minutes before. It's on Ustream. That's how stupid we are. Yeah, man. They're spying on the show. As if they can't just listen. They're getting it a couple minutes before. It's on Ustream. That's what's so funny. There's not enough fucking people. Those guys have a computer.

This election's close. Are you looking at the fucking tweets and stuff? No. It's almost half and half, it seems like. Of course. That's what makes the plot sound better right it makes it give it more drama meanwhile they're both working for the same people actually there's a lot more romney than i thought well white people are mad when we were in montana

we actually encountered a douchebag at a restaurant that was uh like berating us you know about obama as if he knew we were voting for obama it wasn't just that he wanted us to vote for Romney. He was going to intimidate us. He was a wick there. He was such a fucking yoker. Yeah, he was like, it was really funny when you go, it was a cool little diner. It was too bad this guy ruined the experience by being the owner. Yeah.

Because the waitress was real nice. The food was great. And we're sitting there. Our guide put him in his place, though. Yeah, yeah, it was interesting. We were still dirty from the road, okay? We hadn't shaved. We hadn't washed.

We hadn't bathed in five days. And we were driving from the river to Billings, which is about two and a half hours. And we stopped and got some food at this diner in the middle of fucking nowhere. And this dude had like... He just walks up and goes, you ain't voting for Obama, are you? Yeah. He killed two of my boys. I was like, now I am.

Yeah, two of my boys. They got two of mine. Seal team. now i am yeah two of my boys that we they got two of two of mine seal team and he had a marine hat on yeah but he had a shrine of the marines he never did a day in combat you can see those guys you're like oh you you were the guy who who fucking faked an injury when all the other guys were going out that's that's what i think well who knows what he did that might have been a smart move to fake an injury i wouldn't give him that much intelligence my foot yeah i'll fucking pull a disc. Romney's the projected winner in Georgia.

That's shocking. Is it really? Yeah, Hotlanta and everything. There's a lot of white people in Georgia, dude. Don't kill yourself. Don't kid yourself. Georgia's got some money, too. Atlanta, especially.

You know what's kind of cool? I'm down there now, and there are a lot of black professionals in Atlanta. Yes. It's really interesting. It's kind of a cool thing to see. Yes. It's really interesting. Yes. It's kind of a cool thing to see. Yes. The hotel I'm staying at is, you know, all like just kind of mostly professional black people. And it's, it's, it's, it's, there was a lot of, I think a lot of middle class, upper

class black people went down to Atlanta because there was the economy was there and stuff for them at the time. And it's pretty cool, man. It's a, it's a, it looks like a town primarily. You see a lot of black people in positions of authority, and the movie I'm doing right now is all that, and it's really refreshing, man. It's kind of a cool – I haven't seen it.

You see that more in Atlanta than anywhere. Yeah. Atlanta is – it's very fascinating in that way. It's – you know, to be a young black person in this country and look for role models, it's got to be unbelievably hard. Yeah. You know, and to see a guy like Obama get into office person in this country and look for role models it's got to be unbelievably hard yeah you know and to see like a guy like obama get into office and have everybody so fucking mad at him and

everybody like all these white people just like having said that though the people that did elect him were white people sure i mean i voted for him yeah like white people read books but the white people who don't read books, those white people hate him. It's interesting when they listen to, like, I'm not saying that Obama's a saint, and I'm not saying that I'm a supporter. I certainly was a supporter before he got into office, but then I think I like him as a human being. I like when I listen to him talk. He doesn't sound like a dick. He sounds like a thoughtful guy.

I think I like him because he strikes me as eminently sensible. Yeah. I don't think he's a socialist. The one thing he said, they said, what is the one thing we don't know about you and he said i believe the free enterprise system is the most important uh uh you know something to the effect of it's the most important thing for a high standard of living he said there's but but but but with with checks and balances and so i think he's i don't think he is this far left guy i actually think he's very much in the middle and a very sensible guy and i think the more i read about his policies i happen to

agree with his foreign policy vis-a-vis iran and other places more than i do with romney i just think he's more reasonable man yeah he's a very smart guy but the issue is that i can't really i don't really see him being able to do what anybody, I don't think there's any one person that has any real say. Well, there never has been in our government. You're not supposed to, but I know what you're saying. But I'm saying it's like all the different things that he wanted to do before he got into office, close Guantanamo Bay. When he said he would veto the NDAA, all the different things. It's so blatantly obvious that the position is not what we envisioned

it was when we were kids we thought of being the president this is one guy who's going to figure it all out everybody get in line we're going to do this the right way and he leads us to victory like this system is fucking complicated just what you said is that the biggest thing is most people don't feel

represented you feel like if you vote for Romney or you vote for Obama, it's not going to make that much of a difference because you're kind of voting for the same guy in some ways. Yeah, the special interests have moved into the position of power that is clearly stronger and more influential than the will of the people. A president, though, can have a big, big effect on who gets elected to the Supreme Court. Yes, and socially they have an impact. Well, they set an agenda, right? And I actually think that Romney and Obama's foreign policy are different enough. I think that Romney is rattling a sword at Iran.

I don't know. I just don't agree with – I don't think anybody who's a governor could ever possibly know what it's like to be a president. The same way when Obama was running for office and he said he would do this about afghanistan and mccain went whoa whoa whoa like you don't you know you can't say there's some shit when mccain and ron and obama were campaigning where it was clearly campaigning talk it was clearly like speeches but there was a moment when obama was talking about afghanistan and mccain went like you don't even know what you're talking about like you're describing an area that hasn't changed much since the time of alexander the great like this idea that you're going to go in there and just

take over the land like you're that's crazy talk like you know and mccain the way he did it it was like whoa whoa whoa son it was like this was a serious topic all that fucking campaigning bullshit aside like you're you're talking about what i did for a living there you go and you're talking crazy whoa, son, this was a serious topic. All that fucking campaigning bullshit aside, you're talking about what I did for a living. There you go. And you're talking crazy. Yeah. You don't know what the fuck's going on over there.

I think that's what happens to presidents is they realize, and certainly I got that impression from Schwarzenegger. From Arnold, yeah. Where the impression I got from him, what he was saying, is that you don't have any power. You can set an agenda and you can veto things, but at the end of the day, you're not doing much without Congress, if anything. And by the way, you're dealing with a lot of different vested interests.

And the congressional choices coming up this election, they might be more important even than what's going on with the presidency. Because there's so much fucking waste and so many dumb people that have gotten into elected offices there's so much bullshit there and slowly but surely it gets exposed but it's still the the key problem never gets addressed the key problem of special interest groups and funny money that none of that stuff gets addressed so it all stays the question also becomes this though you know if if if indeed you have special interest and you're always going to have smart people that figure out a way to manipulate the machine, then is the answer to make the machine less influential? Meaning, do you make the machine smaller? That may be the only way to do it.

I think that's kind of the conservative argument. Right. But that's the real conservative argument. That's the real conservative argument. Like if you're real conservative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when you say the word conservative, well, I don't want queers getting married. No, no, no. That's the first thing that people think of. That's the real conservative argument. Like if you're a real conservative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when you say the word conservative, well, I don't want queers getting married.

No, no, no. That's the first thing that people think of. That's not what I think. I'm not a, I am, when I say I'm a conservative, I just believe that the state shouldn't be involved in who I just choose to marry, whether it's Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, or fucking, you know, a girl. Sorry, I used those, sorry.

You know, or the fact that i can't get i can't smoke cannabis i'm not saying i'm going to get into a car and drive two tons of fast-moving steel if i get caught there are laws for that but but let me make my own choices and my own mistakes uh you know and then when i say conservative i just mean i think i'm just talking about being fiscally conservative i think i'm talking about not spending what we don't make i live that way myself i don't know why the government can't. I don't know why I always have to get, why the minute I'm at a dinner party in Los Angeles and I start talking about small government or a conservative idea, I get labeled immediately as somebody who is against gay marriage, against

abortion. No. Well, you're a racist. Yeah, I reject a lot of the Republican platform in that sense because it's just as controlling as the other side. What about a woman's right to choose, Brian? I believe in it. What if you called it killing babies? This is the killing baby center. Well, that's fine, but the problem is we put a price on human life all the time.

If you want to save lives, how come you're not out petitioning to make the speed limit on the highway 30 miles an hour? It'll fucking save lives. You know why we don't do that? Because it would be grossly inconvenient and it would stall the economy and our standard of living. So guess what? We do put a price on human life all the time. And I happen to believe that if a woman's harboring a life, you can biologically make the case that it is murder because it's a life. It just happens to be on life support. That's fine. I still think a woman's choice to do with her body what she chooses is paramount over that. It's not consistent

with a Judeo-Christian ethic, but I don't go to church. Yeah, but do you have a timeline where you think it's acceptable? Very good question. I've kind of tried to avoid this very, very complicated question, but we do have timelines, first of all, right? For the most part, after the third trimester, it becomes very dangerous for the woman. 48 days in is when whatever religion thought the soul entered the body. What is that, the Hindus? Well, let's take a couple of ethical arguments about it. Let's take a severely retarded human being,

somebody who can't feed themselves, somebody who can't even breathe on their own. And if you were to kill that person, if I were to go and smother that person with a pillow, even though they don't have any feeling in parts that they can't communicate, then what would happen is I'd go to jail for murder. You take a fetus that is not yet

even developed with its hands ahead. However, it reacts to pain. We know it is on its way to becoming a human being. And in a lot of aspects, it's a human being, just a severely underdeveloped human being. It's a very similar thing. To kill that very small creature that is living, that does respond to stimuli, does respond to pain,

and continues to do so in more and more of what we would consider independent human fashion, why is that not murder? That would be where the argument is. It's very hard to actually get out of that argument. It's very hard. It's why I have a lot of respect for the notion that people who say, religiously, I believe it's murder. I have to be pro-life. I do respect that because you can make a very strong biological argument that that human being is just as human as you are in a lot of ways you just have to be independent more independent uh you're not relying on a human being to keep you alive well we're never going to figure out how to fix that until we figure it out how to fix the dirty trick of

fucking equals making people. That is a dirty goddamn trick that we need to address. Because you have this unbelievable desire to fuck, but yet fucking makes people, and you can fuck when you're like 13. But we don't have to run from jaguars every day. We're not getting chased down by crocodiles. We don't need this many fucking people. Well, not only do you not need this many people,

my other argument for being pro-choice is that you're going to take care of that kid? You're going to take care of that child who just got pregnant by a woman who has no money, who doesn't want that baby? She can't take care of it. Are you going to? Or are you going to have another ward of the state? Or somebody who doesn't get any attention? Or somebody who doesn't have any resources? We've got to separate the fact that fucking makes a person.

You're getting crazy. We've got to get to the heart of this. You're getting crazy. We've got to get to the heart of this. You're right. We've got to figure out a way where you make a person through a very complicated process. What about birth control? Well, that could fuck up your body. You know, for women, they take pills that essentially trick their body into thinking they're pregnant all the time.

That can't be good. Yeah. Condoms. Condoms also ruin everything. Gross. Disgusting fucking things. Such a stupid thing. Tomorrow, I'm having

that Peter Duesberg guy on the podcast. He's the guy that believes that HIV doesn't cause AIDS and that it's all people that are doing drugs. He said this, it's really,

it's like almost untenable. I know. The bulk of science would be like, well. Yeah, well that's why I'm interested to see how he figures that in

to this equation. The he figures that in. The problem is that in Africa, they're not doing drugs, and they're wasting away of HIV. Yeah, I think the Africa thing, though, apparently they're not even getting tested for HIV. They have AIDS, and that could be a variety of things, including poor nutrition. I think that's the argument there. The actual testing. I think this guy is ignoring a lot of the data on the ground. We're going to find out. I don't know.

You want to do it with me? I'd love to do it. When? Really? Tomorrow. Tomorrow, 3 o'clock. Here? Yeah.

I'd like to come and listen to him. At 2. 2 o'clock. 2 o'clock? Yeah, come and listen. Please do. Come and listen. Sit in.

All right. Dude, please. All right. I mean, who knows? This is just a... Look, I read about this guy's position a long time ago, and I thought it was fascinating. I read a bunch of articles and interviews with him.

What bothers me about a guy like this is very simple, and I'll bring it up to him. I watched a lot of people die in New York. I watched them with my own eyes. Were they on medication? This was before they had medication. This was when they had AZT, and I watched them all die. Yeah, that was one of the main points.

And I watched them die in a very humiliating and a very terrible way. Do you know that AZT is a cancer medication that they stopped giving to chemo patients because it was killing them quicker than not having it? Well, I don't know, but I do know that a lot of these people went the alternative route and everything else. I know a couple of people that stopped doing it. And then along came a guy, I believe, by the name of David Ho, who was a scientist, who was a man of the year, a Time magazine's man of the year, who invented a little something called protease inhibitors. Protease inhibitors make the cell wall, I guess the helper T cell, very slick.

They coat it with a Teflon so that the virus cannot latch onto that cell. So AIDS is gooey. It's gooey. And so what happens is with protease inhibitors, now you have people who are HIV positive and used to be a death sentence, right? I can remember it like it was yesterday and I watched it happen. And now you get people who are HIV positive. I know several who treat it like

it's diabetes. And in fact, now when you get HIV, a lot of doctors will say, Hey, good news. This could be diabetes. We'll keep you alive for the next 30 years on produce inhibitors. This could be diabetes. We'll keep you alive for the next 30 years on protease inhibitors. That's a miracle. Do these people that got HIV, do any of them engage in illicit drug use? Some of them do. Some of them do.

I believe what Duesberg's point is that the only reason why the HIV wasn't fought off by their immune system was that their immune system was destroyed by the use of drugs. Meth, amyl nitrates, a bunch of different things. I'm going to ask him about why Juan Enriquez talks about, in the bulk of the science, is that the reason that it never became a white European disease, why didn't white men, straight men get it, but a lot of them got it in Africa? Why was it a heterosexual disease in Africa? Why was it not a heterosexual disease in the Middle East and in Europe and in America?

Why? Well, they just isolated a gene that you, if you are of Northern European, Middle Eastern, even North African heritage, you have a gene that saved you from the black plagues that hit Europe and rolled through all the Fertile Crescent. You have a gene. I can't remember the name of the gene.

That gene makes you very resistant to the HIV virus, to contracting it through regular sex. The only straight men, for the most part, if you look at the Army statistics and stuff who got hiv were guys who were intravenous drug users using infected needles and they were putting it into directly into their bloodstream the gay men that survived the epidemic were men who were doing the fucking not getting fucked those were the men that survived the epidemic because it was a i mean let me tell you aids in the 80s and in the early 90s devastated the gay community. Devastated it. It was a war zone.

I watched those men walk around. Right, but listen to what you're saying. You're essentially supporting this guy's theory. No, I'm not. Because you're saying that the people that got it were all intravenous drug users. No, I'm not saying that. Well, what are you saying? I'm saying that to get the... And the people that you're saying fought it off...

You got anally intruded. Were the people that were very resilient physically because they had excellent genes that they had gotten from surviving the Black Plague. So their immune system would be very strong. Unless you were getting it injected into your body directly through the semen, through your anus, or through a needle. Did you just laugh after you said anus? Yes, I did. Why'd you laugh? Because I just think it's funny. I sound like a needle. Did you just laugh after you said anus? Yes, I did. Why'd you laugh? Because I just think it's funny.

I sound like a scientist. So why would Duisburg, who is a University of California biologist, a tenured professor, why would he not know this, what you're telling him? Well, I don't know if he knows it, but I'm going to bring it up to him.

And the other thing that I'm going to ask Duisburg is this. Hey, how come the majority of scientists all over the world and all the money that goes into these protease inhibitors, why do protease inhibitors work? They seem to work. And why are people staying alive when I remember them dying? Well, let's let him answer those. We're fucking proposing questions to the great beyond.

And he's the only guy, it seems. Every time I meet one of these guys, they're the only guy. Every other scientist must be, you know, I don't know. Have you ever looked up, like, how many scientists don't believe HIV causes AIDS? Let's Google that right now. Let's take a guess. Seven. Okay.

How many scientists? I just know that credible journalists and people who really follow this stuff, including people like Clinton and like that. Clinton? Yeah. Did you say like Bill Clinton? Bill Clinton did a lot of work for AIDS in Africa, a great deal of good work. Yeah, you know why?

So did George Bush. He wanted to go over there and fuck up a storm. Yeah, maybe. He wanted to be all dirty. Maybe. Dirty for Slick Willie. I'm going to help you out. Well, you go to AIDS and how many scientists don't believe HIV causes AIDS,

and it's Duesberg on AIDS article in Spin. That's the first fucking thing that comes up. Well, you go to AIDS and how many scientists don't believe HIV causes AIDS and it's Duesberg on AIDS article in Spin. That's the first fucking thing that comes up. Yeah, well, I don't really

buy into it. HIV and AIDS. I have a feeling my room would be a lot fuller of science. Carrie Mullis. Hmm.

I think that... Hmm. Either way, if you get HIV, it's a very serious diagnosis. This is what Kerry... Kerry Moss is a Nobel Prize winning scientist. And he's also an LSD user. He created the invention of PCR test. You know, he won the prize for chemistry.

Yeah, I mean, there are a lot of crazy smart people out there yeah you know no absolutely but what he says is everyone in the field knows that there's at least some dissension over whether there's evidence that hiv is the probable cause of aids there's always there's somewhere in the literature that there's scientific evidence presented that hiv is the probable cause of aids and if there is, where is it? Who should be attributed with the scientific evidence supporting that statement, HIV is a probable cause of AIDS? Let me tell you something. This guy, the fact that he just said that, if that's what he

did say, if that's what he said. Okay, by the way, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 1994. Oh, okay. Okay, thank you. Yeah, I was like, I had to scroll up to the top. I was like, hold on. We got to shit all over the guy. The guy's like, I already figured it. But meanwhile, he's dead. He can't even defend himself.

Does HIV really cause AIDS? If you just Google, does HIV really cause AIDS? And most people say. I think that argument's been put to rest in 2012. Well, yeah, this is 1994. It seems like a lot of people had some questions about it. Some people make their names. That's when AIDS were in mosquitoes.

Remember? Yeah, they thought AIDS was in mosquitoes. Remember? Yeah, they thought AIDS was in mosquitoes. Yeah, that was about the same time period as that. Some people make their name by basically being controversial. Well, I'm curious

I hate to be cynical, but I'm curious if there's anything that he's going to say that's going to rattle that opinion of yours. Obviously, this guy has he's been pushing this for a long, long time.

Yeah, he's the only one, right? I don't know if he's the only one. We'll find out from him. But in 1993, he had an article in Spin Magazine. That was the first one that I read that addressed the whole AIDS thing. That was right after my first AIDS test. Can you get another scientist on the other side on the phone? No, but you know what?

We will eventually. It was hard getting him in here in the first place i didn't bring him in here for a debate you know so we kind of to you know there's a tricky thing like people say why don't you go after people when they're on your show and they say something stupid first of all because i don't want to be mean and second of all i want them to express themselves to the fullest extent of their possibilities i don't i don't want to suppress yeah i don't you know i may disagree with someone on some things, and we may disagree and argue about stuff on the podcast, but in order to find out what someone really believes about something,

sometimes you have to not question it so much as to sort of probe and let them keep going. And people are like, why don't you call them out on that? I'm like, you know that's bullshit. I'm like, I want to hear what their logic is. I want to hear what their thought process is. When I have such strong political, like I'll get heated if you start talking about how,

you know, you start giving me left-wing solutions to like economic solutions and things. I get all heated and bunched up. If we had socialism. Yeah, but at the same time. Everybody just helped everybody. Like I went hunting and just going hunting. I had no idea that hunting would have a political effect,

an effect on me politically. Like it was very interesting where you go. you if you sometimes i have to check myself and go how much of this is attitude and how i've been raised to actually really stopping and looking at fact you have to always check yourself because you know if you're a passionate person what's the hunting thing that changed no i just i just have a i have a newfound respect for for that aspect of regulation and and strong laws that make it very clear that you can't and not you you can't trust hunters to be libertarian about their hunting practices necessarily because you get a lot of people out there in this world a lot of hunters are vastly vast majority of real hunters are very

responsible but you get a lot of jerk offs who go out there and just want to machine gun shit. I think that the hunters, I think the anti-hunting people, ultimately the sentiment, the idea behind what they're saying, what offends them about hunting is noble. Because I think what they're trying to do is protect animals from ruthless people, and I think that they're of the mind that we can get along in harmony with nature and that they know that in their own personal experiences they've had beautiful moments,

they've seen wildlife, and they didn't have to kill it. So I think ultimately even the vegans... You also don't want an animal to suffer. Of course. Like when you trap an animal and you're making a fur coat and that animal's writhing in a trap,

I wouldn't want to fucking see that. I went to Portugal and watched a bullfight. I've never rooted for a fucking human being to die so so hard in my life they were like spearing this bull it was in pain they rub its eyes with uh hot pepper so it can't see and every time they the picadillas would stick those fucking spears in its back the thing would jump and writhe in pain and i was like can some I hope one of these humans fucking dies in this ring then I watched these guys fucking like let themselves get gored

and they were the toughest motherfuckers on the planet they let themselves get gored not gored the bull didn't have sharp horns and they let these bulls just fucking hit them

and throw them over their backs and they do flips and they were total badasses but either way I just didn't want to see an animal suffer I didn't want to see what's a horrible aspect

of human nature yeah I didn't want to see a fucking a fucking a defenseless animal writhe in pain i didn't like that shit no it's disgusting but you know so we have to then then the argument is like okay well then you you got to look at the vegetarian or the vegan argument you know well they're they're trying to be as free of this negative karma of murdering, well, you shouldn't say murdering because I guess murdering is only people killing animals. Veganism is a form of religion in some ways, right? I mean, it seems to me. Sort of.

I mean, it's a philosophy. Yeah. But my point is, like, how does one manage the animals then? If we get to that point where no one's eating any animals, what are you going to do? Are you going to castrate them? What are you going to do about the deers in the wild? What are you going to do? Are you going to castrate them? What are you going to do about the deers in the wild? What are you going to do? We're going to have a real issue.

And that's something that no one needs to – I mean, we have to decide. You probably wouldn't grow as much animal protein, first of all, right? It doesn't matter. What are you going to do with the animals that are alive? But I don't think you'd feed. I don't think you'd be able to feed as many people. So would you just let the cows starve to death and cows go extinct? Or would you manage a population of them that you never bred or used?

I suppose you'd stop breeding them. that you never bred or used i suppose you'd stop breeding them would you let them go wild and if you did they wouldn't have any natural predators well the big question that like like fucking awesome uh uh ray kerswall said is listen we're very very soon you're going to be we're going to be cloning uh meat that has no animal suffering we're going to be cloning meat with no central nervous system it's gonna taste like shit well no because we can clone the best tasting meat in the world. In a factory. So I'm just saying

that is the future. It's going to be a meat farm. You ever see like salmon that you buy that hasn't been dyed pink? You ever see those weak ass prison bitch salmon? Yeah, but what I'm saying is that at the end of the day, I think technology is going to give you the greatest tasting everything without animal suffering and meat's going to be just like

anything else it's going to be you're going to buy a meatball that was grown in some fucking farm i wonder if it's possible to get the subtle nuances of like a good grass-fed steak i wonder if you can get that or if i wonder if it's going to be like sort of like grape gum where it's not really grape gum but you call it grape gum. What flavor is that grape? Oh, I love grape. It doesn't taste anything like grapes. That's why I like game meat so much.

You can't compete with that fucking game. Game meat. Game. Not gay meat, Brian. Gay meat and game meat. Like grape soda. Does grape soda taste anything like a grape? No.

Not at all, right? It tastes like the color. Maybe Welch's grape juice. That's real grape juice. Well, wine grapes tend to be really really like sweet but you know but like think about like what's the difference between like grape hubba bubba bubble gum and like an actual grape like how do you even know that that's a grape right you know it's a grape because you've accepted this as the substitute grape flavor even though it's not nothing grape like about it you call it

that's the grape flavor yeah you know what steak's going to be like. We're going to get used to that. We're going to use this artificial, non-biological meat. Or they'll be able to figure out a way to put all those nuances in it. And when they do, the first people that eat it are going to get cancer of the dick immediately. I wonder, it seems like, how long can you keep tricking the system? Well, the only way we're going to feed as many people as we do as we get into 9, 10 billion people in the middle of the century is with genetically modified foods. You're not going to do it any other way.

9 or 10 billion people. You have to figure out a way to make rice more nutritious. That's what the Golden Rice Project is all about. I guess getting more vitamin A into the rice and making it way more nutritious is all that. To make sure that more people breed so we have even more people. Well, that's very important. Isn't the most important thing to figure out how to make these places less poor? You know, like when you look at all the poverty in the world

and all these people that are in these incredibly overpopulated areas, like how does one ever manage the human animal, the human race from the ground up, from the lowest form? Well, we're already growing far more food per hectare than we ever have with technology and making it more nutrient dense. So the idea actually is to create staples of crops

like rice that is as nutritious as a root vegetable like a sweet potato. So your thing is to take these people that live in these poor places and make them farmers? No, actually you'll need less farmers and you'll need less pesticides because what you'll do is you genetically modify these foods to, and they're already doing this, to resist the need for artificial pesticides because they have built-in resistance to the pests that are indigenous to that area. And that's what this is all about.

Genetically modified foods get such a bad rap, but that's the future. We're not going to feed people without it. Do you think that the thing with taking these genetically modified foods and copywriting them and making sure that people have, you know, making sure that the seeds can't grow back, suicide seeds. I don't know the answer to that. When it starts becoming a commodity, it gets a little weird.

It always has been, though. It always has been. I think it's just becoming more complicated. Trademark life. That's a really interesting question, though, because you're right. But if you spend a lot of time in a laboratory and you create the most nutritious rice kernel in the world,

then people can live on just rice. Well, then, if that was all your hard work i guess you should own the rights to the seed right well maybe you should just get a cut forever yeah because because otherwise people wouldn't the incentive to develop that is not only just a humanitarian one but it's also a profit motive incentive i mean incentive that's why you put billions of dollars into the research but what about cross-pollination and shit like that like the issues that they deal deal with with farmers living in nearby communities that don't have their crops.

Yeah, it's a problem. And they sue them. Yeah, it's an issue. It's becoming... I don't know how you fight the inevitable rise of technology, though. You and I talk about it all the time. You can...

I just don't think that we're going to... Like I said, I think that crops have continued. Farmers, from the beginning of time, have done everything they can to make their particular crop more nutritious, more calorie-rich, more dense, more energy-efficient. And also last longer. Last longer, need less water, need less pesticides. Taste less good.

All that. Well, yeah, I mean, whatever we can do. It doesn't matter. They're just trying to engineer in durability. And who knows, as far as the vitamin content of one of those pale ass tomatoes yeah but the marketplace like you you know a lot of people in marketplace that want a tomato that's going to taste good as well so there's an incentive to create a good tasting tomato you know have you ever really had a real tomato though like a jersey they're so fucking good that's why it's a fruit like in

italy when you go to italy and you see the fruits that are grown in manure, the tomatoes, forget it. That's why I eat organically because I'm such a foodie. Even organically, I mean, the only thing that comes close is like heirloom tomatoes. Yeah. You know what they say the best lamb is? You know where it comes from? Where? Iraq.

Really? Yeah. Iraq, they say, is the sweetest tasting lamb because they eat a certain kind of grass there. And it's, you know, it's Mesopotamia. They've been eating goat and lamb there from the beginning of time you know what's supposed to be insanely good yak really it's supposed to be delicious it's a fatty meat venison i bet and apparently what made what they eat to make it taste so good is some moss that grows way the fuck up there that you can't even grow down here so you can't make them in a farm you can't like make a yak farm and have them eat this shit it It wouldn't work. That's a sturdy animal, man.

They got no problem. They don't need sleeping bags. It's supposed to be delicious. Wow. Yak. Fucking yak. I'll eat some fucking yak. You'll eat the shit out of a yak.

I will. I'll jerk it, too. I was watching a Rinella show. They went hunting for, I think it's called a tarp. Some fucking crazy looking wookie animal. Yeah, it's an antelope or something? Yeah, well, a horned wookie goat demon thing yeah in new zealand it was nuts they were up in the middle of this fucking like they

have to cross this glacial river where uh the runoff from the glacier they had uh they shot an animal on the other side so they had to cross it like what we did is like a really safe hunt for that guy. Like, he does some wild shit, man. Yeah, Rinella? He's also smart. They do a lot of stabbing pigs. He had an episode

the same place in New Zealand where they hold the pigs down with a dog and then they stab it with a knife to kill it. Do you want to know

what the history on my phone, my Google phone is? Do you want to know the history? This is so fucking ridiculous. It starts with ostrich, Chuck Taylors, rock star, big white dick, muscular perfection, ice cube, 778 area code, Arnold Schwarzenegger, cool hats, Atlanta to Fort Lauderdale, 508

area code, toe, walkers, Billings, Montana, couches, slam dunk, hard workouts, workouts andy cozell comedian i want to know who he was i heard his name cool t-shirt design and best breakfast in fort lauderdale yeah i know if you were working as a ceo at a uh you know an important company and they found that they're big white dick they'd be like wait a minute what the fuck is this but i wanted to send a big white dick to a friend of mine and i just i was like hope you're having a great day and i just send that because i'm fucking i'm 12 you can't have that kind of sense of humor if you work in But I wanted to send a big white dick to a friend of mine. I was like, hope you're having a great day. And I just send that. Because I'm fucking 12. You can't have that kind of sense of humor if you work in corporate America.

No, I know you can't. That's the thing that poisons most people, man. The suppression. The daily suppression. All day having to fit a mold. Work in some fucking stupid office somewhere. That's got to be life sapping. I would agree.

The idea that one of the problems with government is there's no passion in most levels of government. They're just jobs. And the real problem with jobs is people want to get them and they want that money and they want to keep them. And they never say, you know what, this job is just not really necessary. And the way to best serve the American people would be to

fucking get rid of this job, but this is what I need. It becomes a personal issue that sort of gets in the way of the greater good of what you're trying to achieve in the first place. Well, you're not getting rid of this job, but this is what I need. It becomes a personal issue that sort of gets in the way of the greater good of what you're trying to achieve. Well, you're not getting rid of a... That's the problem with passing a law. You're going to get a lot of vested interest around that law. You're not getting rid of that law because then people lose their jobs.

So that's the other thing. Remember, when you pass a law, a cottage industry grows up around it. That's why Washington never gets rid... Once they pass a law like the anti-marijuana laws, you make weed legal and you're going to have a lot of people out of a job. Yeah, there's a lot of money behind trying to keep marijuana illegal.

And there was something that I retweeted, I think yesterday, that was listing all the different people that are involved in working hard to keep marijuana illegal. It's so annoying. You read that shit, it just makes you nuts. Joe, check this out. There's already been voter machines going crazy. Look at this video.

It's switching people's votes from Obama to... Oh, yeah, I've seen that. Switches it to Romney. I'm not surprised. You know, they never fix that shit. These fucking Republicans own all these voting machines. They showed in that Hacking Democracy documentary that you could fix them so that they could change the vote.

That's weird. It's ridiculous. It's a fucking scam. This isn't a real life we're living. It's all fake. We're weird. It's ridiculous. It's a fucking scam. This isn't a real life we're living. It's all fake. We're living in a goddamn simulation. The problem is you've got to kind of care and you've got to be informed.

Otherwise, forces will take your freedom away from you. If they're already taking it, what difference does it make? It's a problem. You've got to figure out a way to fight back. One of them is this way. Have you seen the Chinese practice of eating eggs boiled in the urine of young boys?

Sure haven't. Sure haven't. You haven't seen that? I'd like to see it. Brian, please Google that. Chinese people eat eggs boiled in the urine of virgin boys. No, we didn't. Look at this.

We didn't? Yesterday, I found that someone tweeted this to me. It's in my Twitter timeline. What a bunch of hocus pocus horse shit. If you look at my Twitter timeline, they have young boys. They have them pee, and then they boil eggs in this young boy pee, and they eat it all day. They say it keeps them healthy, and it's great for the skin.

It's like a super common delicacy. Do they drink the actual urine? No, they eat the eggs after it's been boiled in little kid piss. But it has to be like virgin boys. I guess once dudes start fucking becomes problematic do they do they boil they hard boil it and yeah they simmer it they actually crack the eggshell so the urine seeps into the egg itself not just heats it up from the outside seeps in and simmers for hours and hours in piss what day did you post human beings uh 22 hours ago humans are dumb hey do you post this? Human beings are so dumb. 22 hours ago. Humans are dumb.

Hey, do you have a fridge? You know, I retweeted it. A dude named Adrian. You got a fridge? Yeah, there's a fridge right over there. I'm going over there to get a drink. Don't get it. We're going to wrap this bitch up soon.

Grab me one, too. I don't think there's anything in there. Dude, there's nothing in your fridge? I see some cans. I think there's a couple of beers and Mountain Dew. Whatever it is in cans. We should stop at Costco and just fucking stock this place full. You want to go to Costco later?

I do all the time. It just goes really fast. Yeah, but it's because you bring in sluts in here and they get thirsty from sucking cock all the time. That's what it is. That's what I heard. Is that true? I'm not finding this. Because you're retarded.

Come on, dude. It's in there from, I told you, it's a retweet. A retweet from a dude named Adrian oh 5th of November I got a tweet I guess it was 24 hours ago now Adrian

yeah 5th of November well Joe Rogan what I love about you is that you have used your influence for nothing but good

I'm sorry it's Wilford Lee that's the guy's name sorry Wilford Lee is the guy who tweeted it to me. On November 5th. No, it was 22 hours ago. I was looking at something else.

All right. Here we go. You see it? Yeah. Yeah. Pull this up. This is going to be so ridiculous. So what were you thanking me for?

I love that you have, as your influence has grown, you've done nothing but take care of your friends and people around you and try to make the world a better place. Well, you know what? That world a better place thing, I don't know about that. Well, no, you try. I'm just saying that you look at that. Oh, there we go. They are soaked and boiled in urine.

Yes, urine of young boys, preferably those below the age of 10. Hence the name Virgin Boy Eggs. It's a popular springtime snack in Dongyang, touted for its health benefits. We have to be very careful about going to war with these people. It's just a fucking, it's like somebody came up with a gimmick to sell eggs, and it's just a smart entrepreneur, some guy giggling in the corner. 100,000 years ago. Listen to this. It takes a full day to prepare the snack, starting off with collecting urine

from boys' toilets. Then the eggs are soaked and boiled in a pot of urine, after which the shells are cracked and the eggs are simmered in the same urine for hours. Those who snack on the eggs say they help decrease body heat and promote better blood circulation

that can make one feel reinvigorated. Our ancestors were already doing this. By eating these eggs, we'll not have any pain in our waist, legs and joints. Also you'll have more energy when you do work. But not all folks in Dongyang are convinced. Wait, they're skeptics? I don't like eating these eggs. Other people like it because they have this tradition in Dongyang

that these eggs are nourishment for our health and that it would help prevent things like getting a cold. I don't believe in this at all. I don't eat them. Medical experts have mixed reviews about the health benefits and some warn of sanitary issues in this unique delicacy. Who's pro in the doctor world?

...from declaring the virgin boy eggs as an intangible cultural heritage. Huh. You know what's so funny? This is probably a huge troll. I hope it is. Somebody put that on your message board. What if it's just like the onion For China It could be, yeah

They could have just had a picture of simmering eggs And had a picture of the stalls And pretended they pissed You could go to Venice, California right now And find a group of people that are boiling eggs And fucking young boy piss Or old man piss Because somebody came up with this idea

Yeah, I think we've always boiled shit and pissed And I think And the always boiled shit and pissed. And the same reason people would eat like, I don't know, like why virgins are so prized. Well, Chinese people do a lot of freaky shit with eggs. Like one of the things I'm fearful of. You bury them? Yeah, 100-year-old eggs, 1,000-year-old eggs. What is that? Explain that to me.

Balut eggs. Yeah, balut eggs. There's an unmistakable scent from these hearts. It's an egg that's like fermented and black and looks like jelly. I've explain that. Balut eggs. Yeah, balut eggs. There's an unmistakable scent from these hearts. It's an egg that's fermented in black and looks like jelly. I've eaten one. Yeah, we used to serve them to people on Fear Factor. It was disgusting. But they were like a real delicacy.

When I was 14 years old, back when China was communist, I went to the mainland. I spent two weeks there with my family. What was that like? When you looked out the bus bus all you saw i looked turned around i all you saw back then was people in blue uniforms on bicycles beijing was just one blue sea all commies oh it was just a communist country everybody wore the exact same blue outfit everybody wore road bicycles was it freaky it was the freakiest thing i'd ever seen in my life no advertisements think about that no advertising no billboards no advertisements and russia was the same way i

went to russia when it was communist there was no bad no advertising so you go and you go why is everything so gray well there's no advertising there is no there is no splashy colors so you don't have people saying buy this that you weren't allowed to do that everything was run by the state uh restaurants were these huge communal sort of uh huge communal affairs so when you go to a restaurant do you have to pay anything like how'd that work very very little everybody pays the same right but when you pay like there was one beer there was one national beer there was one you know uh it was everything was so uniform i went to the pagodas i went to the you know there were very few buddhist shr shrines that really survived the communist revolution.

Have you been back since? No, no. I mean, Beijing now is completely different. But I went, I was in Russia in 1985. They've gone straight capitalism now in China. China, I think, has more billionaires than anywhere else in the world. They buy Buicks. Yeah.

They really like Buicks. Yeah, they still have a very, very suppressive government. But the Chinese have always, the one thing that's that really is really unique to China is that a huge area of land speaks one language, Mandarin Chinese. And there's almost no other example like that in the world. However, that's because the Yangtze and the Yellow River were able to bring ideas and commerce and language to all different parts of China. And so China became this uniform powerhouse as a result of that. What's more fascinating to me is how they all look Chinese. That's the other thing.

That's the other thing, though. You want to talk about a really... A fast area. A credible-sized place, and they all share a very similar gene pool. I mean, at least visually. Because of the Yangtze and Yellow River, there was so much trade. I mean, it lays visually. Because of the Yangtze and Yellow River,

there was so much trade. You were able to get in. You were able to, the food production, domestication of animals, created huge city centers. And it concentrated a great deal of people in one area. I love how when you see northern Russia and Siberia,

it gets really Chinese looking. Well, I was in Kyrgyzstan. And if you talk to people from Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan, which are the areas kind of like right where part of Russia used to be, they look very, very high cheekbones, very Asian. They look more Mongol. They're tall, usually strong-looking, broad people with these high cheekbones. When you see something like that, doesn't it kind of put you in touch with history? You start thinking about the Genghis Khan era.

If you want to freak yourself out, if you really want to freak out and you want to see specimens of human beings, go to the fucking Sudan, go to Kenya and go take a look at the Maasai warriors. Just go take a look. If you want to know where the fuck guys like Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan come from, I don't care.

Everybody says they are the, they are these beautiful, these fucking six foot seven seven foot people in the sedan these these these these they live a nomadic lifestyle seven feet no problem athletic is all fucking get out wide and big heads the size of basketballs you're like where the fuck did you come from it is a different gene pool and how did that one gene pool arise how did the fuck did you come from? It is a different gene pool. And how did that one gene pool arise? How did the pygmies of the Congo arise? There are a lot of theories on the biology of why people do it,

but a lot of it had to do with how isolated that gene pool was. For example, Polypenesian people, very isolated for a long period of time. In Hawaii and especially Tonga and Samoa. was, for example, Polypenesian people, very isolated for a long period of time. In Hawaii, and especially Tonga and Samoa, up until, I think it was the late 17, early 1800s, they'd never been contacted by white people. Do you know what's interesting about islands?

Is that animals tend to dwarf on islands, but lizards tend to grow towards giant size. Wow. Yeah, that's why the komodo dragons became like enormous lizards they were isolated to the komodo islands but like pygmy elephants and shit like that or they yeah and the that makes sense though yeah the um the hobbit people those uh homo florences yeah those little tiny human beings that lived alongside people that's also like an episode of like island dwarfism.

I don't know. Yeah. I wonder though why. Was it a form of natural selection where tall people like. Because Sudan is ridiculous. They probably had to fight off lions and shit. And the big one survived. And the Maasai Mara are fucking tall athletic.

The Maasai just broke the fucking half mile record in the Olympics this year. World record. Ran, like, fucking destroyed everybody. Well, that guy, you know, comparing this conversation we were having earlier with, like, some fucking fat doughy guy, you know, some Gabriel Iglesias guy. And, you know, like, physically, if they're going to get in an MMA fight, one of them is cheating already.

Dude, I got a shitty. I didn't win the fucking genetic lottery, and I'm okay. But you didn't fail. I didn't fail either. I'm all right. But when I look at fucking Samoans. You got, like, a 70. Yeah, I got a shitty, I didn't win the fucking genetic lottery, and I'm okay. But you didn't fail. I didn't fail either. I'm all right. But when I look at fucking Samoans. You got like a 70. Yeah, I got a 70.

You look at these fucking Samoans with the back of their arms, those big elbows. Big knees. Those huge heads. Mark Hunt looking legs. Fuck, man. Yeah, is there five minutes? Have you ever seen Relentless Enemies? No.

It's a documentary on this one area of africa where a hundred years ago no relentless enemies and there's the uh the lions the giant lions there's an area where the river changed course a hundred years ago and it's stranded all these lions and water buffalo in this one area and because the lions don't have any other prey other than water buffalo pull that up brian just pull up a video we'll end with this blow your fucking socks off they become hulk-sized lions the female lions are as large as regular male 500 pound females they're enormous and they're muscular unbelievably muscular because all they eat is water buffalo these giant fucking

buffaloes that they need like seven or eight of them to take on. So they jump on their back and one of them goes underneath and they try to drag this thing down. And then the water buffaloes, just search for relentless enemies, lion versus water buffalo. It's fucking incredible.

And they look like CGI lions. They look like the Hulk. Like they have giant muscles. I can't believe you don't know about this. No, how do I not know about this stuff? You're going to jack off to this tonight. This is going to end your night. Have you seen Eye of the Sparrow, the bad lip syncing of the presidential debate?

What is that? Is this any of these? Oh, my God. We have to watch that before you take off from that. Go to Eye of the Sparrow. Did you do Relentless Enemies? Relentless Enemies. Just type in Relentless Enemies.

Did you write Weather Buffalo? What the fuck did you... It's so hard to see. It's so blurry. Why does it... They can't make one of those things that looks like a monitor. What did you say about

Water Buffalo versus Lion? Relentless Enemies. That's it. Click on that. These fucking things. Wait until you see what they look like. I think this is the trailer for the movie. What happened?

Fucking windows. That's cool, though. That's good resolution. Hey, bro, I need to buy a flat screen TV. Look at this water buffalo. Jesus Christ. Imagine having to eat that thing. That's all you can eat. And wait till you sweat these fucking lions, dude. This is over a course of a hundred years.

So it's really changing the way they look about how animals adapt. Look at these things. That's death. Look at the muscles. Wait till you see the muscles on the fucking females, man. I mean, you've never seen anything like it. Dude, look at those ears. They're swimming out to get this water buffalo.

They can't... There are predators and there are prey. Jeremy Irons. Look at the size of these fucking lines. That's a smaller one. Holy shit. Oh my god. Did this kiss me?

What are you doing, Brian? You son of a bitch. Look at how they have to fight these things. Holy shit. There's several different prides on this island, and not all of them are oversized. It's interesting. We saw some of them are regular sized.

Where can I see that? Relentless Enemies. Get it on Netflix, I'm sure. I'm sure it's available on Amazon. Go to Doug.com and buy it from there, and Brian makes money. How about that? Would you just put an Eye of the Sparrow really quickly so I can show Joe just really quickly? What is it? Eyes of the Sparrow.

Eye of the Sparrow. Podcast is almost over. We're running out of time. We turn into a pumpkin in two minutes. Two seconds. Come see me at Helium, Philly. Go see him. Or come see me and Joey Diaz in San Diego at the Balboa Theater.

Boom! What are you doing there? What are you doing there? That's Saturday night, this Saturday night. Oh, man. I'm in fucking dead punch, ladies and gentlemen. Well, if you're on the East Coast, come see me at Helium, and I'll tell you all about Joe Rogan. I got loose in San Francisco, knocked their dicks into the dirt in Seattle.

Did you say Eyes of the Sparrow? Eyes of the Sparrow. Seattle. Eye of the Sparrow. Seattle's so fun, man. Seattle's great, dude You just did Seattle? Oh

I just did the Moore Theater Smart people They get it Fucking great They love it I love it Yeah, it's just dreary as fuck up there

But they enjoy the shit out of a show So dreary, though So is Canada But they're the greatest audiences Vancouver's not as dreary I feel like it's a little less dreary

I can't wait What do you do in Vancouver? You do theaters Yeah, I love Vancouver What are you gonna do? Comedy mix? I'm gonna do comedy mix That place is great feel like it's a little less dreary. I'm doing Vancouver in January. I can't wait. What are you doing in Vancouver? You do theaters. Yeah, I love Vancouver. What are you going to do? Comedy mix? I'm going to do comedy mix. That place is great. Duncan Trestle just sold it out. We tweeted about it and he sold it out in one day. He sold it out the whole weekend. That's great.

What are we watching here? Is this it? No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't let him Google on his own. You've got to tell him what the fucking video is or you're going to see a cat's asshole. I have the sparrow. A bad lip syncing. There, there, there. Right there. The second one. Right there. Watch this. Watch this.

This is so fucking funny. Are we watching this? This is the president's debate and they re-dub their voices because they watch their mouths and they could be saying something else. Watch this. This is so wild. This better be good, dude. Yeah.

I hope this is the one one you know the hot tub is cool now but they poisoned it i know right i know sing me some harmonies it's a small picture in a shop somewhere and i know who it is it's morm's Mormon Judy and cow people. A little pitchy, but good stuff. Governor Romney's black. I mean, I think black can be judged. How do I do this? Dude, I don't have a jet ski. Not the kind you're talking about. Plus, everyone

can see that I'm not black. You have to see this to enjoy this. The iTunes people are like, how high are these guys to laugh at this? I mean, I do want you to support me and be my man. That's beautiful. I know he's black. Ahmed, how did you know about whodunit in the lounge? I didn't know.

Oh, you didn't? Oh, they started clapping for the mad cow until someone sold him. Who is that creepy old dude that's involved in writing debates boy stuffed that dude's the sickest we hate him because he had eggs for a bath gonna throw up tonight but if you throw up then it's as a jealous woman you have to see this. It's so stupid. Thinking Governor Romney won't do that, okay?

Audio is not doing this justice. This has gotten me thinking. I see a purple idiot. Speaks German with a big, spunky Irish labradoodle puppy. Oh, he got me. And I want you to feel bad because I've got funny radiation coming up on my desk. Come on, I'm not a robot, okay? I wish that I could go higher and you could rotate my arm and send me whooshing into space.

You hear me? Well, Matt, shush, because the sofa bears don't know. Go right off. It's so stupid. You got to see it. Is it over, folks? Who the fuck is the president? This is election day 2012, ladies ladies and gentlemen i'm going to vote uh a month before the apocalypse right now whoa you ready for this what um mitt romney's in in the lead right now he has 152 electoral votes 223 for obama obama uh has 48 and he has 50 percent wow wow if this guy wins this is gonna be really strange i'm more concerned about the condom law oh the condom law for porn stars yeah yeah well we're just gonna have to buy or download our porn from like russia yeah china that's just what it is man there's no well there's no way people are going to watch people fuck with condoms on. They tried that for a while. Remember that?

Yeah. Didn't work. You ever click on a link and you see a condom and you get upset? You're watching a porn and the guy's wearing a condom? I can't watch it. One minute. You can't beat up to this. It's annoying.

The podcast is over, ladies and gentlemen. Go fuck yourselves, but do it kindly and gently. Go see Brian Callen this weekend at Helium in Philadelphia. Google it, bitch. I'll be bringing heat. Go to DeathSquad.tv. Go buy yourself a Kitty Kat t-shirt. Ohio this week.

Support the Death Squad crew with Tom Segura in Ohio, along with Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redman. Can somebody please tweet me, fucking, just tweet me at Brian Callen and give me an idea for a Man Thoughts t-shirt, please? Don't beg for ideas, you son of a bitch. Hire somebody.

Hire an artist, goddammit. I will. I will hire an artist. Tomorrow night, Ice House Comedy Club. You coming down? You going to be able to make it? I'm going to do the best I can. 10.30 show.

10 o'clock show. I got a show to do. What show you got to do? Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Oh, is it good? It's the best thing I've ever seen. Okay. Live.

All right. Well, if you don't want to do that, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to come down to the Ice House, we'll be getting our freak on, getting our warm-up on, getting fired up for this weekend. Me and Mad Flavor will be... I don't know if Duncan is going to be able to make it this weekend,

but I know Ari's coming, Dom Herrera's coming. Can Ian come? Is Ian going to get it tomorrow night? Tomorrow night. I'll ask him. Find him. Find out.

And Little Esther as well. Little Esther's coming. And Brian Redman's coming. Esther can't do it. She can't do it? What happened? She got some more important shit happen? Oh, wait.

No, she can do it. Never mind. What the fuck, man? You're fucking with people's emotions. Dude. All right. This podcast is officially over. We'll see you tomorrow at 2 p.m. with Dr. Peter Duesberg and Brian Callen,

and we'll talk about AIDS, the good AIDS. Good night, everybody. There it is. Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Thank you. Undertexter från Amara.org-gemenskapen