The Joe Rogan Experience - #283 - Dave Attell

Episode Date: November 12, 2012

Joe sits down with Dave Attell.

This is my new t-shirt. This is the gas mask chimpanzee higher primate t-shirt. You can't see it But now, you know for the rest of the podcast. Yeah, now, you know for the rest of the podcast what the fuck I'm wearing but we have three new designs in at higher primate and There's also what are you laughing at man? It's so funny. Am I allowed to talk or no? Yeah Fuck you once on your day to tell no, I was gonna say what's the difference between the serotonin and the melatonin? Melatonin is what puts you to sleep. Yeah. Melatonin is what relaxes you and puts you to sleep.

Yeah, that's great before sleep too. Yeah. Serotonin is what actually makes you feel happy. Oh, okay. Yeah, like dopamine, serotonin. I'm taking the wrong one. Oh, shit. Just sleep all the time.

Now I get it. Okay. Well, you have like a little tip to your filter, like a little, this is Hunter S. Thompson for 2012. Yeah, yeah. You want to shoot Lugers out in the time. Now I get it. Okay. Well, you have like a little tip to your filter, like a little, this is Hunter S. Thompson for 2012. Yeah, yeah. You want to shoot lugers out in the parking lot? I would.

I would love to. Is that for your teeth? Is that why you do it? I do it for my teeth, and I'm also trying to stop smoking, so like I figure the further I get away from the cigarette, the more I will. You need to get a real legit Hunter S. Thompson one. I need like actually someone to smoke it for me, and I just do the second hand. But yeah, you guys are very fucking observant.

Yeah, we're on top of the ball. That's not the way you're supposed to say it. We're on the ball. We say we're on top of the ball. We're on top of the ball. Fucking show, ladies and gentlemen. It doesn't start until I hear music. It doesn't officially start until Brian cues the track.

And then, then we move. Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day powerful david tell what's up my brother welcome back thanks for having me jim dude please uh this is pleasure every time i come to la i'm always hoping like can i hang with joe and we're doing it thank you thank you for doing it, man. You know, it's one of the coolest things about being a professional comedian is you get to hang out with other professional comedians. Yes. You know, I talked to Stanhope once and he was drunk, of course.

That's Doug. That's our Dougie. He got back from the road and he was like, you know what, man? He goes, I could quit stand-up, but I couldn't quit hanging out with stand-ups. Yeah. That's how I feel too, man. I mean, we're so lucky that we have – I couldn't imagine if I had a deal with like – if I had just worked with a bunch of people who weren't funny and hung out with only a bunch of people who weren't funny.

Oh, a drag. You'd be such a drag. Is there anything worse than non-funny people? Well, I just know that every time I talk to Doug, who we both think is amazing, he's half in the bag and he's at an airport bar. He's like the last airport bar drunk I know in America. Yeah, he doesn't play. But people who aren't funny don't get offended.

I don't mean if you're not. I mean if you're not funny and you try to be funny. That's what I mean. There's nothing worse than that. if you're not funny and you try to be funny, that's what I mean. There's nothing worse than that. If you're not funny, you just got to accept that shit. Although that's bullshit really because how the fuck

do you ever become funny? I mean, you got to, everyone was not funny at one time. Yeah. Well, I think it's harder. It's harder because of the phones.

Everybody's on their phone all the time. So there's like very little connection. You know what I'm saying? Everybody's like looking at stuff and tweeting. You think it's harder to be funny today than it was back in the day. I don't know.

I think that like for me personally, my funny stem from a lot of awkward situations where I was like, how the fuck am I going to get out of this? And then I said something and they laughed and then I fucking bolted. So I don't know about you, but that really helped me in my earlier years of like, hey, it's good to have a sense of humor, you know? And then as you become a comic, then you realize, there's other guys like that. And then we kind of all gel together. And we also have a perspective on things that a lot of other people don't. A lot of people are looking for happiness and fulfillment and closure. I think as a comic, you kind of roll with the way things are and just see the humor in it.

I also, at this point, I feel like I have this massive obligation to continue to put out material. You know, when you have fans and you really appreciate them and they tell you, oh, my God, we have the best time. We love you. You know, don't ever stop doing this. Like, wow. All right. I can't. I can't stop. I got to work harder because of it.

I mean, I used to not believe that when people used to say that, you know, that they do it for their fans. But you really have to. That's the only way you can do it. You got to do it for their fans, but you really have to. That's the only way you can do it. You've got to do it for them. Well, how cool is it when a guy comes up to you and says, like, dude, I love this joke, or you didn't do that joke that I love, and it's a joke that you like, and you're like, oh, man, there is a reason to do this.

Somebody's listening. I like that. Do you still love stand-up, the art form? Do you still like watching it? Well, I think we went into this last time. I don't consider myself an artist. I i mean i consider pretty much everybody else i know an artist to some degree but i have very few tools in my toolbox and one of them is midget and dick jokes and i that tool is really been used a lot it doesn't matter i don't know i feel like i'm

more tricky than i am like funny and like i do take a lot of chances, but I don't really... I don't know. I feel like after doing it 26 years that I should have it more together than I do. I don't. Stanhope used you as an example in saying why... What not to do.

Someone was teaching a comedy class and he was talking about how confidence is one of the most important things. You have to know you're funny. He used you as an example. He said that is the dumbest fucking example ever it's not true there's no like hard fast rules because look at a towel you know he's brilliant and never believes it i don't you don't believe it but you're one of my favorite comedians well i i really come at it from the point of like i work really off of negativity so i think that that's that's kind of like my zone.

That's where my power, my Iron Man fucking thing in my chest. So you have to hate even your own act in order for it to work. There's so much hate. I have to fly in a day early to pick up all the hate that I know I have. What does that come from? What does it all come from? I don't know. I mean, it's like, you know, first of all, it's kind of

a great uh gig if you do hate yourself because you're alone so much like standing in front of an airport chain smoking in like 30 degree weather uh san francisco uh where i was uh there's nothing but like re-evaluating your life your act you know the mistakes all that kind of shit so i think it's like perfect for me you know i mean i i don't know how you you roll with like a very cool crowd of like excellent fans really you know you call your own shots and i just look up to you man i mean i bow to you but i'd probably end up blowing you so well that's ridiculous because too early in the podcast you're one of my favorite comedians there's only a few guys that i will go out of my way to see, and you're certainly one of them. Oh, thanks, man.

But one of the things that we do different than anybody else is that we go on the road with each other. Like, we bring, like, if we go on the road, it's Brian, it's me, it's Ari, it's Duncan, it's Joey. You know, we bring our, it's a family. It's essentially a family. So if we go to eat, we go to eat a fucking thousand times a year. You know, it's normal.

Yeah, that's great. Mostly all Fogo de chow yeah we've eaten at uh fogo de chows in almost every city in the country you know those brazilian steakhouses have you ever no i've never i hit me oh it's the most amazing creation of culinary excellence they give you like a little uh puck like a hockey puck puck looking thing of meat no no no this is a um it's it's like a coaster like a hockey puck looking thing? Of meat? No, no, no. This is a chip. It's like a coaster. Yeah, a coaster, yeah. And it's green on one side and red on the other side. And when it's green, they keep coming with the meat. Oh, I've been to one of those, but in Brazil.

Oh, in Brazil, yeah. It's called a chuhascaria. Wow, chuhascaria. They come with just fucking skewers of meat that's cooked over open flames. I didn't know you were a meat guy. I thought you were very organic and all that kind of stuff.

Well, I eat mostly grass-fed meat. My goal is to ultimately eat grass-fed meat and game. I want to eat wild game. What would be your ultimate animal to eat? Of all the animals that ever lived. Deer are delicious. No, but of all the ones that ever lived.

Oh, like if I could go back in time. Yeah, like a dinosaur. Yeah, I would like to have a dinosaur steak. Could you imagine what a T-Rex steak would be like? Like T-Rex tenderloins? Pterodactyl wings?

Well, you can eat alligators. Yeah. I mean, people eat alligators on a regular basis. The swamp people. Oh, yeah. They eat it all the time for breakfast.

Yeah. I've had it. It's not bad. They say it tastes like chicken. It definitely... It doesn't taste like chicken. No, it tastes like alligators. Yeah. That's what alligator tastes like. It tastes like evil, swampy... It's not bad It's not They say it tastes like chicken It definitely It doesn't taste like chicken It tastes like alligators Yeah

That's what alligator tastes like It tastes like evil Swampy It's an evil fucking It's a dinosaur isn't it Angry monster Yeah It's like the panda of the dinosaurs

They're 200 million years old In that shape They haven't changed Wow So they were They existed more than 130 years before The big asteroid hit

That killed all the dinosaurs. They had already been around 130 million years in this form. So we see them wandering around. They're like the rats of the water world, the lizard world. Yeah, they'll eat anything, right? They'll just eat anything. They're monsters. What's even scarier than them is that they got pythons in Florida going through the alligator

areas now. Feral, wild. And now the pythons have started eating alligators. Oh, shit. I'd love to see that. Now, that would be an ultimate fight. He's going to pull up the python eating the alligator. We've talked about this in the podcast before, because it's just the most crazy thing ever.

These snakes have no natural predators. I would have bet on the alligator. I would have thought so, too. I thought no matter how big the fucking snake is, it's not going to eat an alligator. Yeah, yeah, exactly. A snake is like all just fucking nothing. No bones. But snakes are so gangster.

Snakes do not give a fuck. They will sneak up on an alligator. He's not poisonous. He's just a wrapper. He wraps around you. He crushes you and bites you. That's the point of the wrapper. See that?

Oh, shit. That's a 20-foot python with the alligator coming out of its body. Oh, my God. The tail burst through the body, and the thing died. Oh, fuck. Look at the size of that thing. That thing is fucking enormous. I mean, it's really hard to imagine how big that must be in real life.

If you were out there on that water, it's wide around like a man's waist. It's fucking huge. That would be the ultimate Christmas card to send to somebody you hate. Thinking of you. May your alligator get eaten by a python. Your agent. Your agent. We have this weird thing about keeping those fucks alive, too.

There's these people in Florida right now that are working really hard to bring back the crocodile. The American crocodile. Isn't that the alligator? No. Crocodile is a different species. It's more aggressive. Oh. They have a longer, pointier snout,

and they're more aggressive and explosive. And one of them just ate a dog in the Keys, in the Florida Keys. That is the worst. Pulled a dog off a dock. Losing a dog to a croc, that's going to be the worst. Yeah, a monster.

But in Australia, that's going to happen every three minutes. Well, they have scarier crocs. They have the big crocs. American crocs are not that big. What isn't scary in Australia? Yeah, right? I mean, really, honestly.

You go in the ocean, there's the great white. You're hanging out, there's an alligator. Then there's the dogs, the dingoes. Yeah. Wow, it just stinks. Yeah, Australia. And you can only live in a certain part of it. Exactly.

The whole middle kind of sucks. The whole middle's death. It's just fucking the bush. It's just death. But what a great place to disappear. There's got to be like no cell phone service there yeah if you wanted if you were like some dude who could survive and you you were down with uh trying to to live in the woods yeah you could escape to australia and they wouldn't even go looking for you they'd be like well joe man i was in the uh new york during the uh you know the uh hurricane sandy and we were talking this a

little bit before the show but You gotta doomsday prep. Unfortunately, I prepped for the wrong doomsday. Which one did you prep for? I don't know. Invasion of Clowns. I prepped for a good one. A good one, but annoying. Clowns would be everywhere and we have to fight them off with water

guns and stuff like that. Condom wrappers. Exactly. It was apocalyptic. It wrappers. Yeah, exactly. But this was like just fucking, it was like apocalyptic. It really was. That's hilarious. I mean, no power. Did you expect it to be like that or was it way crazier than you expected?

You know, the thing about New York though is since 9-11, like our first responders are like top notch. They really like step up. They know what they do. They got plans and all that kind of stuff. But nobody, I guess, expected like New York City, a tsunami,

like wave hitting us, knocking out power for like two weeks. And then there's like Staten Island, Jersey, where they got it even harder. But you take the power out of New York City and you got Somalia. Basically, it's just a freaky,

weird, scary town, you know? Yeah. It's really strange when you see how easy the, the, the film that covers civilization can be removed and people are savage. It just becomes survival.

You really have to worry about survival because the first responders are excellent. Don't get me wrong, but they're overwhelmed. There's just the sheer numbers impossible to deal with. There was parts of the city where I was just walking around and it was just dark. And guys would roll up on you like you can't see him and I'm pretty good like like knowing what's happening and guys roll up on me and I'm like whoa this is like a Chuck Norris you know that scene in every Chuck Norris movie was like in the factory right right like you know a box knocks over yeah it was like that kind of thing like just weird scary faces and

just sounds what is it like to walk around a street at night with no lights on at all? Say it. No gun. No gun. I was like, fuck, what am I going to find him with, sarcasm? What's going on here? So you were walking to where you had to go, to and fro in your neighborhood, and there was no lights on for days.

No lights. Where I lived, there was lights. But we did shows at the Comedy Cellar, which is in the village. They had no lights up until almost the last day. And we were doing shows to generators, which is kind of cool in a way, but bad because it went out when I was on. But it went out and all these flashlights and candles started popping out of the crowd. It was like that scene in Requiem for a Dream. You know that scene where they're like ass to ass, the flashlights on the check and all that kind of stuff.

So it was really a freaky show, but it was a good show. But when you're walking around the streets, you're like, okay, this is like, what can I fight whoever comes at me with a weapon? And there's a lot of homeless people coming off of their meds too. So they have the extra evil in them. Oh, that's right, because they can't get their meds because there's no power. It was like zombie style. It was zombie.

It was Walking Dead kind of shit. Oh, wow. That's scary, because they can't get their meds because there's no power. It was like zombie style. It was zombie. It was Walking Dead kind of shit. Oh, wow. That's scary as fuck. Now, was there a lot of that? Like, was there a lot of muggings? Was there a lot of... I think there was. There was some looting.

There was some whatever. But it wasn't like Katrina, because I talked to guys who were in Katrina, and they're like, you know, everybody's like, this is our Katrina. It's like, fuck no. This is like, Katrina was like the end of the earth. That was the end of the world there. That was like weeks and weeks and weeks, no help, you like, fuck no. This is like, Katrina was like the end of the earth. That was the end of the world there. That was like weeks and weeks and weeks, no help, you know, and no power. And it was hot and all that stuff.

In New York, it was a little bit better than that. That's for sure. It's better than that, but it's still, it lets you know what can go wrong in the biggest city in the world. Yeah, exactly. When that happens, when the biggest city in the world gets essentially shut down for two weeks, that's a real eye-opener. Oh, absolutely. And, you know, like people trying to get into the city and they had to do, you know, like buses and all the trains were like, exactly. Like somebody should kayak through these tunnels just to do it, like to say like I did it.

I didn't even think about what it must be like at night with no power. I didn't even think about it. It must have been so strange. I would have stayed inside. Yeah. I would not have left. Well, you kind of, it's kind of like,

how do you see where you're going? It's scary. Unless it's a full moon, how do you see where you're going? Yeah, exactly. You know, the scariest thing I saw was when I was driving around, like I was in a cab,

and cabs, by the way, were incredibly hard to get at that point, but there was a candle in a window of a project, and I'm like, this is what it's going to look like after a nuclear winter. Like just like one holdout guy in a, in a project somewhere like, you know, like Charlton Heston in the, you know, in the Omega man kind of thing. And, you know, I was like, this is it.

This is what it looks like. You know, I was, I was, it freaked, it freaked a lot of people out, but then I think the gas thing freaked them out even more. The fact they couldn't get gas for their generators and cars and shit. They're online for like 12, 15 hours. Yeah. I talked to a friend who said he was online. It was two 30 in the afternoon.

He had been there since six in the morning and he still hadn't gotten gas. Yeah. Easily. Easily. Yeah. That's crazy. We never, we never, I don't think even the government, local, whatever state thought like there's going to be a gas problem, you know, and nobody was ready.

So you need that gas for the generators, too. So Jesus Christ, especially in the place. I'm bringing everyone down, but it was bad. Did you get any material from it at all? Oh, yeah. I got tons. I mean, like, you know, the whole idea of like, you know, basically doing shows like in New York, like the top of the line the line guys who pull the most poon are the hedge fund guys,

the club DJ, the male model who's bi or whatever. But that week, it was all renaissance fair skills like Candlemaker, Blacksmith, any guy who could hook a bike up to a light. He would get definitely at least a reach around.

I watched that Yukon Man show. Have you ever seen that show? Those shows are important. They have generators that work on water flow. So they take a generator, they set it up at their camp. They have a fish camp. And they put this generator, they set it up, and then they attach these tubes to it, and they stick the tubes in the creek.

And the water coming down the creek goes through the tubes, and by the time it, you know time it focuses in this one area, it spins this thing around and starts a generator. I want that. It's fucking crazy. I watch it. He pulls the cord and it's going on. You've got electricity 100% from the creek spinning this generator.

So as long as this generator keeps working, he had his lights on and the whole thing. It's crazy. That really is the one thing that you need is power. that really is the one thing that you need is like power you know it really is the one thing that separates us from animals well we've somehow or another just accepted that that's going to be around even though it's only been here for 150 years or whatever the hell it's been we were so used to it you know a million years of human beings and 150 years of power we're just like that's how we do it we got power i could see myself going to my ex-girlfriend's house

and just hanging out because she would have all the candles in the world. Yes, girls. Yes, girls. And canned soup. The amount of candles a girl has is directly proportionate to exactly how long she will cry

after you have sex with her. But yeah, girls were prepped a little bit harder than dudes. Candles, Mentos, you know. There's like 30 candles. That bitch is going to cry for a while. Lip balm is petroleum-based, you know, whatever. Girl shit. Yeah, they have a lot of different things to help you in survival situations.

Exactly. And I'll tell you, you know who really did not step up for this crisis? The dogs of New York City. Because like every other person in New York has a dog, but it's all these faggoty-ass little dogs. Right. You know, so like they've been genetically built all these faggoty-ass little dogs. So they've been genetically built. All the cool wolf qualities that would have helped

were gone. So they're like, what are we going to do? Give me food. Were you there when the snow hit afterwards? No, I was already out of there. But that was like a one-two punch of sadness. What the fuck, man? A blizzard. And the really scary things that they're saying... Who's the governor? Cuomo? Andrew Cuomo? Yes. Yeah, he's a good guy, man. A blizzard. And the really scary thing is that they're saying, well, who's the governor?

Cuomo? Andrew Cuomo? Yes. Yeah. He's a good guy, though. He seems like a good guy. He said something really interesting. He said, I don't want to use the term climate change.

I'm paraphrasing him because it's such a loaded topic. He said, but his father had to deal with, in 12 years, he had to deal with two major storm events. Right. And he's like, I've been here for 12 months, and I've had to deal with three major storm events right and he's like i've been here for 12 months and i've had to deal with three wow you know so he's saying like there's it's very possible something's going on i think there's definitely something going on no that's never happened in new york before well you know uh a buddy of mine i i assume you know him too uh big jay okerson yes he's a great no of them you know of them okay yeah you probably haven't worked with him yet but really funny guy

he's toured with me a couple times. His house was wiped out. He was like in the flood zone, zone A or whatever. It really is weird when a flood comes at your house. I'm lucky. I lived up in the skyscrapers. But the scary part about that is if the power goes out, then you're kind of stuck up there until whatever happens. You're stuck up there until the water drains out.

Exactly. That's scary shit. It's like a skeleton, basically, in a pile of porn. I believe in the theory that it was a terrorist attack. You think so? And I think all the terrorists are now hot weather ladies with beards. Neptune Laden. Your first part made sense.

The second part is just like your Hitler cat with the fucking dynamite strapped to his chest. I don't know what you're trying to do there. And a lot of people were just basically milling around a lot of, like, fires, you know, on the street. Like, people making fires and cooking out on the street. Right. Which I think they should allow them to do. Oh, hell yeah.

Why not? Keep a sense of social connectedness. But, yeah. Whoa. It was bad. Were there food shortages at supermarkets? Great question. Yes. The first night, everybody prepped in terms of

you better buy milk and bread. They always say that. Milk and bread. For all the, whatchamacallit, French toast that we make. And then the next day, you're like, okay, there'll be more. Nothing. There was nothing left. All the people from downtown who didn't have access to food came uptown like a horde.

And like no, no, whatchamacallit. It was good that they did it because they had no food. And they kind of swept through all the bodegas and stuff like that. So it was like wiped out, you know. Wow. That must have been strange. Yeah. I mean, like you always assume in America there's going to be food, you know.

The other thing is the cell phone towers were down too. Down. So even if you had a cell phone, you couldn't call anybody. My friend Tommy said he drove six hours to make a cell phone call. He had to just drive around until he could find service. But it was six hours before he could. That's crazy. Coco had service though.

Did you see the video she was posting of her like in the rain with like. Who's Coco Ice-T's wife oh there he is she has special bling service bling service she had cell phone service

yeah she had cell phone service and she was just posting these awesome videos of her in the hurricane like rain hitting her while she's wearing like no clothes she's like

oh it's so rainy outside it's great that's hilarious that's hilarious a rap video yeah a wet t-shirt her exploration rap video. A wet t-shirt exploration. It was an

entire wet t-shirt. And like Jersey, you played Atlantic City many times, right? I've only played it a couple times. That place without power is fucking scary. Atlantic City is terrifying with power. It really is. It's a strange place. It really is. Because that whole area around Atlantic City is dark.

It's a scary scary fucking depressed area. The last thing you ever want to do is be a young black kid growing up in Camden. Yeah. I mean, that's a fucking bad part of the country right now. But I have to say, I don't know, if the governor or whatever told you to evacuate, would you do it? I mean. Well, it all depends on how much money you have. That's part of the problem.

Some people can't evacuate. There's nothing they can do. They can't go anywhere, right? I mean, we have to accept the fact that there's been a bunch of these massive events. Is that Coco? Yeah, look at this. Look behind you, Joe. It's Liver.

She's doing her own reporting. That is the most ridiculous. That really is ridiculous. She's right. With these Bags of water She's like Look at my boobs

How wet they are That's her tropical storm outfit She's crazy She must be awesome To have conversations with Oh dude I love this girl No wonder why Ice-T

Is always playing video games What are you talking about He plays video games And he's like Come over here With this body She has the You love her body

I love the Fake butt When I was in Dayton There was a girl With girl like that i think it's the next boob for real this girl in dayton uh stripper had a fake butt and it was like the double d's of fake butts it was so amazing looking she looked like a cartoon character is that what does that affect the way they sent uh no she sat really well. Can she dirt bike ride? No, and she let me feel them because I wanted to see if I could feel it like a fake boob. It just felt like butt because I guess there's so much fat back there. There's a lot of fat to hide the implants behind.

So it felt like a fake butt. And each one looked like a triple, double D boob, like a humongous boob. You could put a drink on top of it. Well, that's the latest thing in porno movies, right yeah you see that a lot is the fake butts now yeah i forget what they call that but yeah the badonk you know make it the booty uh reboot i guess you would call it but yeah isn't it amazing that the shape of the ass has that much of an effect on us it's monkey jeans it's more even than their personality. Like a girl with a nice personality and she turns around and her ass is just ridiculous.

Like, oh my God. It's like the shape. Do you like a big one or what do you like? Oh, yeah. I love a big ass. I like a shapely tone. Let's see. Here's a round juicy ass.

I mean, that's what it looked like. That's too much. But hers was a little bit bigger than that. That might be real, bro. No, this is called fake bloods. That looks like it's pointing. It's called fake bloods. Oh, that's what it looked like. But hers was a little bit bigger than that. That might be real, bro. No, this is called fake bloods. That looks like it's pointing. It's called fake bloods. Oh, that's, okay, somebody photoshopped that shit.

No, when we were doing the porn show, you and me, Joe, like you were one of our amazingly greatest guests, we were kind of, you know, I think had a difference of opinion with this. Dave's Old Porn is the show. It's on Showtime. And it's Dave and his friends sitting around watching videos of old porn. Right. And you were one of the ultimate.

You were the Hawkeye of the last of the Mohicans of porn, dude. You know what you're doing. I know too much. You really knew it. It's embarrassing. Taja Ray, you kept throwing that name out. And I was like, holy shit. I had to go through my porn head to find out. It was like Holy shit I had to like Go through my porn You know

Head To find out It was like Excellent So thank you There was so many And your show's Thursday Yeah

Thursday at 11 Your episode's Thursday Joe's episode Yeah This week Joe and Ginger Lynn Showtime Who

For some reason Joe you know her Well she did my First CD She did an introduction To this song that I wrote Yeah It was on my first cd she's

very nice she used to come around the comedy store all the time really yeah that's how i knew her she's a very nice person her body by the way ginger lynn's body i think is perfect yeah well back in the day i couldn't get much better she was like she looked like she was athletic when she was younger but she's just she was just like curvy but not too big and she had an amazing body she really did i mean like her her rack is like i guess you could say it's like a b or something like that perfect though but like it totally fits with her body and her face she's just like a little angel it was really it... That was a hard episode to edit. A lot of breaks. Yeah. I was not jerking off to you, but I was

semi-turging while you were on the screen. It was a lot of hard work there. It's kind of a funny show because you have us and what we're sitting on the couch, and the couch will grow or shrink depending on where the genitals are in the scene. So that's what it is.

The couch is covering the sex organs while they're doing it and then we're commenting on the video. It was fun, dude. I really enjoyed it. You, of course, knowing porn so well, you brought up something that a lot of guys have problems with,

which is the male star not being able to get wood. You don't like that. A lot you don't like it. She told us what it was about. Ginger did. She said they were all coked up. Yeah, there's a lot of blows. Which makes sense.

Yeah. It's got to be embarrassing as fuck for the guy. You know, somehow it all leads to Tony, whatchamacallit, Lance Armstrong. Well, they should have never used the footage. There's footage where this guy never gets a hard-on. He's banging her and his dick is like a hard-on. He's banging her and his dick is, like, half limp.

Right. Like, he's, like, barely shoving it in. He's, like, pretending it's amazing. Like, you shouldn't, that's a terrible piece of work you did there.

Like, that's not sexy. I guess you're right. That doesn't get you excited. It's like getting drunk before you go on stage. It's like, can't you just wait an hour? Yes, son of a bitch.

You know what I mean? Really. It is a sad thing. Well, it's a fun thing when a guy's drunk on stage and he's having a great time. I've seen Kreischer hammered on stage, killing it. I've seen videos of guys pull it off. Ron White pulls it off. But it's sad when you're drunk on stage and you're not doing well.

Yeah, it's hard. That's why it's sad. But Ron is a good drinker. Ron is one of my buddies, and he's a classy drinker. He's a black belt. Yeah, he's excellent at it. He's a black belt. Yeah, he's excellent at it. He's a black belt in drinking. But in the porn world, back especially in the 70s and

80s, Blow back then was considered, I don't know, you said Adderall. It was kind of the Adderall of our time and people just did it. It was fun and it kind of got them up and it's a sexy gig and so maybe they overdid it

but still i mean hey you know i'm sure that blow was a lot better than the shit out there now you think so i think they had like the real stuff back then i yeah i think it was a lot pure more like you know that was like the heyday of like you know just powder it's funny that they just accept the fact that it's going to be cut up it's like it's so – Coke is such a watered-down drug. Everybody accepts the fact that it's been cut up. Yeah. It's just universal. You can imagine. Like you ever watch those shows like the drug ink, like when they show the guys making it in Columbia?

And they just chew on the leaves? Like I wonder what that's like. I've had that. What, is that good? I've had that in a tea form. Oh, okay. They take those leaves and just make a tea out of it. Oh.

It's very uppy. It gives you like an up. I didn't like it because what I didn't like about it is I couldn't shut the fuck up. Can you imagine the podcast if you were on that? It would be brutal. I was with Stanhope when I did it. We did mushrooms. It was the day of the Iraq War.

We were in the desert tripping our balls off and uh i was drinking this tea and i drank the tea first and tea kicked in before the mushrooms even kicked in i was like this tea is killing me like how do you guys even like he is like amazing this he's like the den whatever the timothy leary of the ship how do you guys tea how do you get that i mean uh i got it uh from a buddy who had just gotten back from peru that's how i got it peru is the place yeah peru inca tea they chew those leaves you know what's fascinating the coca-cola is the number one importer for coca leaves in this country i don't know yeah they they literally take the coca leaves that's like one of the the secret ingredients in coca-cola

that it used to have cocaine in it that That's like one of the big things. Well, it doesn't have cocaine in it anymore, but they still use the extract of the coca leaf. Wow. And they have like some deal with some medical manufacturing firm that takes, not manufacturing firm, extraction firm, that takes the leaves and takes the cocaine out of them. So Coca-Cola gets it. They use it for like the flavonoids or whatever the fuck they use that makes it taste a certain way.

And this company makes cocaine out of it. I read this whole article describing how it's all done. It's fucking bananas. So they have like a special take the fun out of the machine. Yes, what they're going to do with weed producing. Yeah, that's right. There's Jewish people. I was going to say that. In Israel, they're doing that thing now where they're taking out the fun out of the machine. Yes, what they're going to do with weed pretty soon. Yeah, that's right. Those Jewish people. I was going to say that.

In Israel, they're doing that thing now where they're taking out all the fun of the weed just for the medicinal. Why? Yeah, really. It's like a O'Doul's of weed or something. Yeah, well, they're figuring out that there's different things that do different things inside of marijuana. And one of them are CBDs, I guess. And those, I don't know. Something else. They're not exactly cannabinoids.

Or maybe it is a cannabinoid, but it's a non-psychoactive one. But it helps different ailments. Well, marijuana is very healthy to eat. That's hemp, right? Not even hemp. The actual plant itself, if you could juice it, if you juice hemp, it's really good for you. If you were like, let's say like a doomsday prepping question here. If you were like in a place where there was only like pot plants to eat, you could eat them.

Oh, yeah, you can eat them. They're super nutritious. That's what I'm saying. You can make like a salad out of them and it wouldn't get you high at all. But it would be really healthy. I guess you'd have to try it out though. Oh, okay. Because that would be kind of cool, like a little pot cereal.

Yeah. You pour some soy milk on it or the cocoa. What's the stuff that you guys are doing here? Cocoa Cafe. Cocoa Cafe. This is some stuff that they sent me. It's coconut juice or coconut water mixed with coffee. Espresso.

That would be so cool for your kids. You'd have to be the worst parent or the coolest parent. It was like, kids, time for school. Here's some of your pot. Coco. Coffee. I think it's hard enough being a kid going to school high. It's delicious, dude. It's great,

isn't it? It's like chocolate milk. Do you want one of these, man? Sure. That's great. They sent me a couple cases. Can you just get these anywhere? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Coco Cafe. Oh, my God.

It's like chocolate milk. I like the packaging, too. It's yummy. It's excellent. It's yummy. It's very good. There's a lot of these coconut water combinations that really suck a dick. Wow.

Some of them are terrible. Coconut water and vodka is pretty good. That's why I drink it. Oh, yeah? It's a good taste but a lot of these companies have shitty taste in coconut water you gotta get coconut water

the reason why C2O's coconut water is the most delicious is they get their it's a totally different coconut tree they get their coconuts from Thailand from one small place one plantation and the coconuts the trees are like a short tree.

It's only like five feet tall. It's a totally different tree. Like you picture those big tall coconut trees. Those apparently taste like dog shit. Like that's, most people are getting their coconut water from those. But the boutique places like C2O, like C2O, they're really cool. And they send us free shit too. And they have the most delicious coconut water.

It's, like, very sweet. I like it, man. It tastes good. But ultimately, you can't fuck with fresh coconut water. You ever get it, like, right from a coconut? Every time I go to a Thai restaurant. If you go to a Thai restaurant or even some Chinese restaurant, whatever, but they have fresh coconuts.

And I never knew this, and they just split the top off, and it's delicious. And you take a spoon, and you eat the white shit. What is that again, the white shit in there? It's coconut meat. It's coconut cum. It's delicious. Then you take a spoon and you eat the white shit. What is that again? The white shit in there? It's coconut meat. It's coconut cum. It's really super healthy for you too. Especially that water.

That water from a fresh coconut. It's just, it feels so good after you've worked out. It's delicious. Yeah, to this day, Coca-Cola still imports cocoa leaves which are used to manufacture

cocaine in the United States. Isn't that nuts? I didn't know that. Hey, I'm for it, though. I'm for all legalization of all drugs. Colorado, they just legalized the recreational pot. And Washington. And Washington.

There you go. It's going to be interesting to see what the federal government decides to do about that. Yeah. They step in and decide to start arresting people. I think they should leave them the fuck alone. That's what they should have done a long time ago. Yeah, just let it happen. The problem is it doesn't ever seem like anybody wants to relax in this country yeah everybody's always

trying to rest there's no there's no relaxing of laws it's like an acceleration of laws especially the other problem is that the economy's down and when the economy's down it's hard to tell people you know we're gonna change laws and put people out of work who are law enforcement officers. Right. Because that's what would happen. I mean, if you all of a sudden made marijuana completely legal and you didn't need DEA agents to chase after weed, you'd have a lot of fucking unemployed people.

Yeah. There's a lot of people that, there are a lot of arrests. If you look at all the arrests, there's millions of arrests attributed every year that are marijuana related. All the arrests, there's millions of arrests attributed every year that are marijuana-related. And those all equal law enforcement officers have to work, you know, the people at the jail. There's, like, lawyers, court fees. There's money to be made in keeping it illegal. And so that's one of the hardest parts about making anything legal is the money behind it. But how does it work?

Like, you live in Colorado, okay? So you want to buy some pot. So what do you do? You go to a store? Is there a truck? You flag it down But how does it work? Like you live in Colorado, okay? So you want to buy some pot. So what do you do? You go to a store? Is there a truck? You flag it down like an ice cream truck? Well, I think it's going to be, you're going to have a certain amount that you're allowed to have.

And right now, it's the only medical setup in the country where they allow the growers to make a profit. In California, you're not supposed to make a profit. That's ridiculous. Yeah. So in California, like when you see these big places, those are the ones that get shut down because, you know, they're making like X amount of millions of dollars a year selling pot.

Well, you're not supposed to be doing that. And when you do do that, I think the only way to do it is you have to give all the money back to the community or you, you know, make it, make it so that all the money goes to charities or funds. There's some sort of a workaround where you get a fair wage for working there, and everyone, including the owner, would get a fair wage, and then the money has to get distributed.

Colorado doesn't have it like that. In Colorado, you could just make money selling weed. That's how it should be, man, because that would be like the pot barren. It's farming, man. That's what it is. It's fucking farming. This idea that it's different because should be, man. Yeah. Because that'll be like, you know, the pot barren. It's farming, man. That's what it is. It's fucking farming. And this idea that it's different because it's a drug, it's so stupid. There's plenty of drugs available in this country.

To pretend this country is anti-drugs is one of the dumbest fucking things ever. Everybody looks forward to doing drugs in this country. Yeah. They look forward to drinking. They look forward to smoking. They look forward to having a cup of coffee. All of these are drugs, you know? Yeah, it's like, let the people be adults you know i mean there's so much uh you know pain

and like suffering out there might as well like if this if this takes some of the edge off of that let it happen you know yeah you're not going to stop it by making things illegal you're just going to create an industry off of keeping it illegal the only way you get people to not do things is through education yeah and you know whether it's their own personal education, like they have to watch people fuck up. I've never done coke. I've never done coke because I watched people who, when I was a kid, who did coke and their life fell apart. I saw it happen. I was like, keep that shit away from me.

But. Plus, you're an athlete. So, I mean, like, as an athlete, you can't do certain things. Coke's certainly a bad one. Yeah. But a lot of athletes do it. Yeah. But a lot of athletes do it, man. Yeah, like in the 70s, a lot of the sports guys, especially baseball, hockey,

they were racked out on that shit. I'm too impulsive. I don't trust myself. Really? If I really enjoyed it, yeah, I don't trust myself. I don't want to have anything in my system that's addictive like that because it seems like cocaine is very physically addictive. Yes. Yeah. Heroin, very physically addictive very physically addictive. Yes, yeah.

Heroin, very physically addictive, right? Heroin, yeah. I don't know about that one. That one I could see being, what's it called? They should, if people have a heroin addiction, they should have the needle exchange and all that kind of stuff. But yeah, nobody should promote heroin. I mean, you can't bake it into a cookie.

There's no fun to it. Unless you're a musician. Yeah, exactly. Then it should be a law that you have to do you at least try it can you imagine if every musician had to do heroin like some of that bubblegum shit out there it would have a whole different whole different take on it you know yeah no kidding there's the the nothing shook up the music world more than heroin yeah and marijuana yeah i guessijuana shook it up a lot too. But the bands

who did heroin had very specific sort of, they had like an intensity and emotion and honesty to their stuff that the bubblegum people, you know, it's weird if you go back and listen to like Buddy Holly or something like that. Great music. But listen to what that guy was doing

and then listen to Nirvana. Oh, right. Listen to the heroin people. What about Frank Zappa? Alice in Chains. That guy was on everything. I think Frank Zappa was almost the... It was like a one-stop shopping kind of drugs.

But he was on cool drugs too, like Ecstasy and I guess LSD, stuff like that. His tapes were the best when he was... I don't really know, so I don't want to say. When I was 15, I would listen to Zappa tapes in the church parking lot. First time smoking weed and you're just listening to his crazy shit. It was like virtual acid trips. That guy is an artist. There's no one like that guy.

Yeah, he was very unusual. I got introduced to him when I was probably like 10 like 10 years old my friend's dad was into him he was yeah frank zappa and the mothers of invention yeah he was the guy i remember the dude drove a sob it was like 1970 dude had a sob i was like what is that thing that's crazy ass car and he was into frank zappa he's just a cool ass dad well that's the whole thing about. That's a crazy-ass car, and he was into Frank Zappa. He's just a cool-ass dad. Well, that's the whole thing about this whole now with rich people. It's like how much money do the rich people need? I guess now the ultimate perk is a private jet, but back then it would have been like a car.

You have a butler. You get obsessive, I think. You look at some of these hedge fund guys where they were talking about there was one guy whose wife got some of the bailout money because the bailout money a lot of it was in the form of loans and this guy was worth who knows how many hundreds of millions of dollars but they showed his house they like zoomed in on his house in the hamptons and it's just fucking insane huge it's just craziness this guy i mean you can't even call it a compound it was a castle he had a castle he has a castle in the hamptons, you can't even call it a compound. It was a castle. He had a castle.

He has a castle in the Hamptons. See, I don't even like that when I go to a hotel. Like, if it's too fancy, you know, like whatever they, you know. Four seasons or something. Yeah, like I don't do any, I don't rate any of that. It's not in my rider or anything. I like a hotel where I can do my laundry. That's like the ultimate perk for me.

It's like if I can do my shitty laundry because I'm on the road so long then i feel good but there's some hotels where like everybody's like oh yeah this is gonna get a massage and all that i'm not into that courtyard marriott yes always yeah it's like a little house yes a little home away from home yeah yeah courtyard marriott's a good spot it's a good middle ground like uh when i tour with norton and uh arty lang you know we're on the anti-social tour. You know, those guys, I think they like it a little like more. I think they like it better when it's like that. I just don't like it, you know.

But we usually all stay at the same place. And that's a fun tour because you know those guys. Yeah, great guys. And, you know, we're all so old now. And like, you know, we've all been through the ringer to some degree. And Norton is just incredibly fearlessly funny. And Artie is naturally probably one of the best comics I've ever seen in my life. And it's just fun to hang with these guys. Because now we're at that age where it's just fun to be around guys that you know.

And you can just fucking have fun. Just enjoy it. Yeah. And we play these casinos. And it's like our biggest thing. It's like, where are we going to eat? Let's eat. That's the big fun of the night.

It's so fun going on tour with friends. I mean, it really makes the whole experience way better. I just did San Francisco and Seattle last weekend with Fitzsimmons. Oh, he's one of my best friends in comedy, yeah. Love that guy. He's great. We had such a good time, man. It was so fun.

He is one of the most underrated comics. Yeah. Because his comedy is so good. It's so dry and funny and well thought out. And I know this turns into a big stroke fest about comedy. But if you're anywhere where Greg is touring, go see him. Because he really is a great comic. I like him.

Yeah. He killed it. He killed it in San Francisco and Seattle. It was awesome. He was really, really fucking funny. It's that attack style Boston comedy, he killed it. He killed it in San Francisco and Seattle. It was awesome. He was really, really fucking funny. It's that attack style Boston comedy, too. Yes, yes. We started out together for like a week apart from each other.

Boston is like turning out to be, this is the generation of the Boston comics. You, Greg, Louie, of course, Nick DiPaolo. These are the guys. Well, there was a lot back then man It was a very unusual time As far as the development of stand up You had one area Where you had so many clubs And so many comics in this one town

It always amazed me I would go to Pittsburgh or Philly And I'd be like where's the scene Where do you guys go They didn't have anything We had so many places to go Pittsburgh or Philly. And I'd be like, where's the scene? Where do you guys go? Do you got a Nick's Comedy Stop? You got a Stitches? Nothing. They didn't have anything. Nothing. That's like, we had so many places to go.

Like if I knew, like Open Mic Night was a Sunday night. I knew that if I went to Open Mic Night, I would see Teddy Bergeron. Right. I would see, you know. Tony V. Tony V. Yeah, all those guys. They'd be working out. They'd be hanging out.

They would go up and do sets. You would see them. They would do sets on Sundays and Monday nights. they would go up at the end of the show and perform I mean it was like a real community of stand-up comedy but it's not like that even there anymore it died yeah there's I was just at the at the theater in Boston and you know if you want to run around and do other sets there's really not many places at all and if you're starting out there I can only imagine how you do it. I don't know what happened.

I think that they overdid it because every other place, like there's the Hukilau and the place in Chicopee, like Chinese restaurants were doing shows that the crowds just, I guess, got babied or spoiled. They're like, there's plenty of comedy out here.

I don't have to go see it. And there were a lot of, for every good comic, there was like three or four hacks. Yeah, that's plenty of comedy out here. I don't have to go see it. And there were a lot of like, you know, for every good comic, there's like three or four hacks, you know? So I guess after a while, like,

you know, they always say the cream rises to the top, but you know, it's a pretty big rise. There's a lot of guys who would just, you know, eck and buy with their, you know, clapper joke.

You know, what's interesting though, in the beginning, there were less bad guys and more good guys. If you go back to like the Jimmy Tingle era, Jimmy Tingle, Barry Crimmins, Tony V, Lenny Clark, that era, they're all killers.

There was more great comics back then than there were mediocre guys. Wow. When I started out, I started out in 88, and I got to see some of the best comics ever, like the local guys. I got to see them all the time. There was so much good comedy in that one place. I would say it was one of the rare instances where there was more good comedy than there was bad comedy.

The thing that always got me about the Boston guys compared to the New York guys, and I hope I didn't say this last time I was on your show, but they came to New York. You guys all eventually came to New York. And you guys were ready to headline almost immediately, whereas the New York guys like we were like years away from headlining like we were just trying to like work the weekends it was a slower process because it was just too much uh I guess open mic too much uh you know too many comics and not enough stage time so you really had to fight for the stage time but you guys definitely knew who you were

you had an act you had a perspective and then you uh definitely you know came to the scene and it made it way better it made it way better well you know what it was is that boston guys had a chance to work long sets we would do um we would work for like the comedy connection had a bunch of gigs and barry katz had a bunch of gigs all and Barry Katz had a bunch of gigs. All these different people had gigs, and they were all over the place. And you would do 45 minutes. You can do an hour here, a half hour here, 45 minutes here. So we weren't just doing the short sets in town. When I went to New York and I saw that everybody would take a cab

and go from one crowd to another crowd doing seven minutes here and seven minutes there, I was like, that's crazy. That doesn't make any sense. That's how we lived for years. So even when I lived in New York, I did almost all my sets on the road. I did all my sets in Connecticut. I was like, I can go to do a John Shuler gig in Connecticut and make $150, or I could go do a set in the city and make like $10 or something like that. What did Dangerfields pay the most? They paid like $50 or something, right? Well, like Governors, which is on Long Island, that's

kind of where I kind of started out. I just recently was there, right? Well, like Governors, which is on Long Island, that's kind of where I kind of started out. I just recently was there. And the guys who run Governors now are so pro-comedy, so pro-supporting comedy, bringing up new talent and all that kind of stuff. And it's really great to see because for a long time, the outlying clubs were really just like Jersey, the island, Connecticut. You just went there for money. And now it's like this is a good place to work out.

Well, Governor's was always really good. Yeah, Governor's was a top-of-the-line club. Yeah, that was always really good. And the Brokerage, remember the Brokerage? The Brokerage Pub, yeah. Yeah, that was a great place too. There was always a lot of good places to do stand-up. Of course, Rascals.

There was Rascals East and Rascals Down the Shore. Rascals, it's such a heartache because that was a great, great club. And, you know, you talk about Jersey. That was like the place where like Dice would come in and Dom and all those guys. They would come in and it would be a big event, you know? Yeah, I remember. I would go see guys there. When I lived in New York and someone would say, you know, hey, this guy's going to be, you know, at Rascals.

Like we would drive to Rascals to watch the show. Yeah, because it was a place where you could see someone do a real long set. Like at Caroline's or something like that. We'd get to see them do 45 minutes or an hour. Yeah, Caroline's and Gotham are really the big, you get to do an hour in the city.

They're great. It's hard on the crowd, I think, just to some degree because there's a lot of expenses of parking and food and all that kind of stuff. But at the end of the day, it's kind of cool that you get to see. We just worked with Amy Schumer. She's so funny. She's so good.

I saw her at Gotham, and she fucking rocked out. And I'm going to be playing Carolines down the road. And you always like it when you get to do a long set in your hometown. Yeah, I love Gotham for that very reason, too. I never really did many sets at the other places like occasionally i would do like boston comedy or the cellar or or the comic strip but it just it always seemed to me like i if i could do a long set it would be better for my act well the cellar now has like become this like uh i guess you could call it like the uh the alamo of comedy like people come in they just take a picture

of the front because of louis you know louis has like put it on the map the alamo of comedy like people come in they just take a picture of the front because of louis you know louis has like put it on the map right and uh louis who's probably one of the best comics ever he he goes down there and does sets and rock and uh you know chapelle when he's in town and uh i guess there's other guys like aziz and things like that so you do get to see like some celebrity comics there but the majority of the guys working there are like pretty hardcore headlining you know top of the line comedy and the people who run it are you know they're for comedy like they're not promoters like let's you know like turn this into a you know you know website or right kind of you know cartoon or something like that well they must feel so

fortunate when that does happen when you get a place where a bunch of great comics like louis and chris rock and all these different guys you show up and decide to do sets there on a regular basis. Oh, I bomb there. I'd say every other time. But for the other guys, it is a great experience. Every other time? Yeah, because like I never try and do like I always, you know, back in the day when I would go on the road, I'd be like, OK, I'm back in the city now and I want to do like

something different. I want to do different jokes. I want to like, you know, explore comedy, you know, and that involved bombing to some degree. So I would, you know, do the stuff that I knew wouldn't work, but I still thought was funny. And the crowd used to roll with that. But now nowadays, the crowds are not like that. They really want to see a performance. They want to see it tight. Like you ever on stage sometime, you're like, oh, that one didn't turn out. And you can see in the crowd, they're like kind of disappointed. I'm like,'m like don't worry guys the next one will be funny don't worry i don't

think a lot of people are aware of the process right the the creating new material process which involves a lot of risks yeah you know and they they i i just throw them in my sets and i'll do like new bits i just chuck them in the middle and whether or not it works, we'll find out. But sometimes they don't go well. Sometimes you're not exactly sure what the right order it is for the pieces in it. We were talking about Doug. I saw him at Caroline's

probably like a year ago. And he was up there just basically, he had just done an album. He was in England. He was coming off of a hardcore tour. And he was up there. I would say he was doing like, you know, he was in england he was like coming off of like a hardcore tour and he was up there i i would say he was doing like you know he was doing his job he was getting laughs but he also was doing just like some thoughts some things that he just wanted to talk about and as a fan of comedy because i wasn't a comic i wasn't what you know thinking i'm going on i was like this is what i

love watching like when a guy's like just thinking it out and he doesn't know where it's going to go and i think that's kind of cool and exciting but for the fan like especially people who've like you know they've seen comedy on tv or they like know one person then they come and see these unknown people they i always feel like they're disappointed and i i used to get really angry at them but now it's like i just feel sorry for them it's like wouldn't it be cool if you got to see the stones not to equate like what we do to like stones but like them working on start me up like i think that would be cool you know well this is the only the stand-up comedy is the only art form where you really need an audience yeah oh yeah to perfect the bit absolutely they're involved in the creation process because as they laugh

things evolve and change and as you feel them enjoying the bit it's really hard to for anybody who does never done stand-up to describe that feeling when something's killing like you know the timing you feel where to jump in you feel where to let things sit and you really need an audience to do that yeah and i always like when you push it past the point of funny to like what the fuck yeah because then you know the next time you're like, so that's the end of it. So then next time I'll pull back or, you know, go in a different direction. That's just my, I guess, process, if you will.

And sometimes you can go further. Sometimes there's different days where you have a different amount of enthusiasm in chasing the darker aspects of a subject. But people don't like dark. Your crowd is cool. Like, they like comedy and they see the funny and sadness in, in life.

But I think the majority of like young audiences who've never failed at anything, it's kind of like weird when you, when you do a joke and like it doesn't, there's not a, like a win or a happy ending at the end. They're like, Oh,

well, as long as it's really funny, I think there's less tolerance for self-indulgent angriness today. Oh, I see. Because I think people are more aware of what it actually is now. Whereas before, someone would say something shocking and fucked up and people would go with it and go, oh, he's an edgy comedian.

And now, you know, the majority of people are aware, oh, no, that's just a fucked up guy. And he's like pushing your buttons by saying something shocking. But it's not there's no real thought behind it he's not really trying to say anything he's just trying to make something shocking make it work use it as a tool to get a reaction from the crowd and people don't want that but but dark great humor it's fucking it's always funny if it's funny it's funny stanhope shit is still sent very dark and very hilarious.

Incredibly dark. And people talk about develop a following and all this kind of stuff. It's like the people who follow Stanhope are really the darkest motherfuckers out there. God bless them. Because he really does not sugarcoat any of his shit. I love him. His new CD is fantastic yeah it's one of his best ones ever and that's what i think about him man he always bangs out like a new

hour like every year and a half yeah you know whatever constantly working yeah it's so important to have a guy like that around to all of us to all of us yeah we we all like louis it's an important to have a guy like that around louis crazy ethic. Another guy who every year or so has another hour. Yeah. Besides that, like his crowd is so connected to him that, you know, I feel that his stuff, you know, it's so personal that like somehow they relate to it in a whole different way that I can't even understand, you know. Yeah. Well, he develops like different parts of his actual real life. Yeah.

Puts them in there. It's fucking a downer, dude. He's got a TV show. Step it up, huh? People don't like hearing about people suffering anymore. I know, right? They want positive energy, especially since The Secret. But you've got to give comedy bones for one thing.

During that whole New York thing, Broadway, shut down. The Big Apple Circus, no way. The only thing rolling out funny-wise was comedy, and I thought that was good. I was proud to be a comic. So the Cellar was rolling out with a generator. They were rolling out with a generator. They were closed the first couple days like everybody else,

but then they were like, we've got to do some shows. And I think Tom Papa was behind that. He was another really good guy, really, really funny guy. And this new club, The Stand, they were doing shows to Candlelight, so that was like, you can't get any more Renaissance fairy than that.

Oh, that's sick. Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. I've been on stage before, and the power's gone out. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, strange. Because now you're just a guy talking.

You have no microphone. Heffron did a whole set to Candlelight once. That would be a cool CD. Yeah, John Heffron said he was on stage and the power went off and it was pretty clear it wasn't coming back on. So he just did the whole set to Candlelight. Wow. Yeah. I don't know, man.

It was a little... My act is so filthy dirty that the romantic Candlelight situation does not match the scene there. That's perfect. You know, I'm somewhere between Candle there. That's perfect. You know, I'm somewhere between candlelight and a cross burning. You know what I'm saying? Like that kind of thing.

A campfire. A campfire. And a tarring and feathering. But anyway, I have to tell you, man, you rocked out on the porn show and I don't want to be a whore and just talk about porn,

but you know, this is the new season. Dave's old porn. On Showtime. And I got to say that porn but uh you know this is the new season and dave's old porn on showtime and and i gotta say that like uh you know having you there it really helped me because i knew you had my back with the porn and uh we watched some of ginger's greatest clips because we had like so much ginger lynn you know clips loops movies and like you got to give it to it because she's like uh you know she's like i guess you would call like a delta force of uh of porn so she was out there and like once she got into it she was into it full tilt you know anal trip you know three ways all that kind of stuff john holmes john holmes she's banging john

holmes i mean like just like you know you forget that like in the 80s like there's a crossover between like the 70s people and then the 80s and ginger and christy canyon i think are the uber babes of the 80s. And I have both of them on the show. And I feel like, yeah, that's a win. Yeah, Christy Canyon was there when we were leaving. Yeah, Christy is with Marc Maron. And that's a whole different ballgame.

That'll be later in the season. But I just did their radio show on Playboy Radio. And it's really cool because they're out there. They're still talking the talk. And they're sexy. I mean, there's a sexiness to them. I don't know what to tell there. They're still talking the talk, and they're sexy. I mean, there's a sexiness to them. I don't know what to tell you. They still get me going.

They're hot. Even though they're a little older. Hey, we're all older. What are you trying to say? I'm just saying that they're fucking – You're ready for a Christy Canyon gingerly impression. I wish. I said to Christy, I go, I've had a crush on you since like 1986.

It's just crazy. But she is like the – I don't know. She's beautiful. You think you had a crush on you since like 1986. It's just crazy. But she is like the, you know, I don't know. She's beautiful. You think you had a shot? Please, come on. There's nothing there. I think that a lot of those girls, it was the hair bands of the 80s. And then I'm sure a lot of movie star kind of guys, all that kind of stuff.

They're probably tired of dick by now. They're like, please. I don't know. I think that they're. Offer me some dick. And when I was in San Francisco, Serena, who is, I think, one of the hottest women ever to do porn. She's redhead, strawberry blonde. Serena, who is, you know, up for anything, man.

Like, her scene's never boring. And she came to my show when I was working at Cobb's. And it's cool to hang with her, you know. She's just really cool. Isn't it weird that they're still making porn? Some of them, yeah. No, that's not what I mean. I mean that anybody's still making porn.

Oh, that's right. Isn't there enough to jerk off to? There's definitely enough. I mean, how many fucking videos do you need? It's like there's no way you could ever possibly have seen all the porn that's there. It's like buying books and you haven't read any of them. Yeah, like we could have built like a seawall with old porn around manhattan and it never it would have been as dry as a bone if you stop and think about it how many porns have been

made like millions and millions of porns there's no way anybody has jerked off to all the porn that's ever been made i'm trying do you have a specific category that you uh automatically go to i don't know if we talked about it last time, but I love amateur casting, any era, but I love it from the 80s and 90s more than now, even though there's four or five different genres for casting. But Pierre Woodman, who's a French dude, he used to do this thing called private casting,

and I love his stuff. And if he was in America, I would have him on in a second, even though I don't think I could show any of his stuff and uh you know if he was in america like i would have him on in a second even though like i don't think i could show any of his stuff it's too too late but uh i like the retro stuff now a lot more than i used to ever like it and you know i guess now that's like the new kink for me you know people love that amateur shit like where you know they come in for it because it's like this is the first time ever and they're awkward, as opposed to the girl who you lift up her skirt, she's already fingering her asshole. Yeah, yeah, she's training.

She's just already there and ready to go, and you know, like, oh my God, this is like the thousandth dick you've seen this week. This is not special for you. You're just doing an act. Well, when we were doing Ginger's show, just luck of the draw, we pulled one of her tapes where she did her first anal

and we were like whoa this is amazing you know big hairy box back then yeah but we both you said that you didn't really mind the hair is that true to me not at all doesn't bother me yeah it was she's so cute that she could get away with a nice little tuft you know it doesn't matter they're hot like i mean if there was like a lot of like asshole Yeah, a little too much. I mean, if you date one of those Eastern Bloc women, darker ones. Yeah, you can only imagine that Iron Curtain pussy. That must be crazy. There's got to be some hairy bitches up there, especially up north where it gets really cold. Yeah, like a vampire or something.

The upper legs. But I would have to say that now with shaving, a lot of the younger girls are letting it grow out a bit because it's cool. And I think they realize that, like, fuck, what am I doing this for? It's like, honestly. It doesn't have to be shaving. Shaving's weird. The vagina beats everything. Crabs.

Exactly. Crabs can hide in there. But I think what they do is they do the strip. Most of the girls will do diamond. And I think that works. That's the best way to go. But you're right. The anal hair.

Yeah, you've got to bleach that. That's a problem. Trim that out. Get some illegals in there. Isn't it weird that every girl, I mean, it's sort of just universally accepted that hairy legs are disgusting. No one bucks that trend. Yeah, Esther. Esther doesn't shave her legs.

She has longer hair on her legs than my chest what wow how did she get away with that she uh just wears pants all the time wait a minute are you serious i swear to god esther does not shave her legs no or armpits but when you watch like all these like old school things like game of thrones or something like that you know think about it every chick was hairy you know like just disgusting but they didn't look hairy like the the the hot mother the mother to the uh oh yeah yeah she's hot yeah she's really hot she doesn't look like she has hairy legs i think she's she's not period friendly you know it's not corset and whatnot yeah she's not in the correct uh did they shave their legs

back then no no not at all i wonder when that started, the shaving of the legs. I think the early 80s. As soon as someone realized how hot it was. Yeah. They're like, why fuck? I mean, you have legs. It really is hot. Yeah, it's the hottest thing ever.

It's a weird thing. Girls with long, hot legs, shapely legs. How about when the girl just shaves up to the knee high? They'll just shave what they need, everything else is like this disgusting forest. It's hard being a girl. So that's all we can get out of that. It's way harder. It's hard.

It's a lot of work. Plus you can get pregnant. You know, can you imagine every time you have sex, all of a sudden it can mean another person's growing inside you. Yeah. What a fucking drag. Meanwhile, guys don't have to think about it ever. Just our design is to just go shoot them off. and drag. Meanwhile, guys don't have to think about it ever. Our design is to just go shoot them off.

Hard loads. Undeniable impulse to constantly be shooting off loads. Here's a bit I was working on, which maybe you can help me out with, is the hot load. You know how guys always assume their loads are incredibly hot. Do you back away so that by the time it hits it's a lukewarm,

nice feel? Well, if you're courteous, you blow on it. Fever loads? Exactly. Shoot a load in their face. The least you can do is treat it like a soup. Take a step back so that there's some of the fire, the fireball. Isn't it amazing that you can

blow on soup and it actually cools it off? It's great. Isn't it amazing that you can blow out hot air or cold air? You can just go, and it's hot. Can you get it hot? Or it's cold. How do you change it? I didn't know that you could do that until right now. I didn't even realize that.

But he's right. If you do, you get it from the deep inside your body. Is that it? It's hot. It never runs out. You can keep on doing it. I can barely breathe, so I'm going to have to go on your one year.

Dude, that's totally true. I know. Strippers did it on my crotch through my pants. Oh, you son of a bitch. There you go. Are you a big strip club guy, Dave? You son of a bitch.

I used to go all the time. Now I feel like, you know, what's the point? I lost a meter here. I don't care about like, you know. I heard you were the only person I ever, somebody told me that you really liked the body shop in Hollywood I was there during the fire

They had a fire there You know that? The next day they had this incredible fire That's right, that's the story What did you say? I didn't really like the club But that was definitely one of those clubs where you're like Hey, you can walk to it

Oh, the place across the street from the store? Yeah, you go play at the coffee store You want to do something So you're like, hey, you go over to the body shop, the place across the street from the store? Yeah, like you go play at the comedy store, you want to do something, so you're like, hey, you go over to the body shop. But I went there like one or two times, and I would say that the girls were really hot, but I feel like a lot of them were not like pros. A lot of them were just like party girls

who wanted to make some coin. And we went there, there was like girls and guys who came with us, so they were all over the girls and the guys, like watching that for some reason. I never really give a shit about that, but I would say it's a good club. Yeah, I remember this.

Somebody told me you liked that club, and then you said the next day after going to it, it burned down. It did. Great. The one place that I found that burnt down. Jewish lightning, cocksucker. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, that place was across the street from the comedy store, but we only went to it like twice. Yeah.

And it was only when someone's in town. It was like, hey, you want to go down to the body shop? It was always somebody else's idea. I don't like places that don't serve liquor, strip clubs that don't serve liquor. Yeah, they don't serve any liquor there. Yeah, I would like to have alcohol. They make you buy two Cokes. You don't like a $9 water?

I used to have a bit about it. Vaginas and alcohol, for some reason, it's just a volatile combination in California. Yeah, yeah. You can't see that. Like, a girl could have a bikini bottom on, show you her tits, and you could barely keep it together with a beer. But if you have, like, actual alcohol and see a vagina, there'd just be too much chaos.

Well, that's why I want to go to Thailand at some point. Because supposedly they have, like, the ultimate, you know, like, stripper bar, bang, bang, girl. I heard soapies. Have you heard of soapies? No. Some guy just told me in Columbus, we were there, and he said there's these things called soapies

where you lay down and they put soap all over you and then they get completely naked and they just rub your body with their body. They just lay on you and squish around and stuff like that. And do you shoot loads? No, and then they dry you off and then you fuck them. Whoa. That's a lot of time. And do you shoot loads? No, and then they dry you off, and then you fuck them. Whoa. That's a lot of time.

And you pick out loads. When you first get in, though, there's like 30 people, and they all hold up a number, and you pick which one you want. That's for a guy on vacation. That's still going on, or was that something in the 70s? Yeah, it's still going on. No, it's still going on. The Vietnam War thing.

It's still going on. I was actually looking at flights from Ohio, just to see how much it was. It was $1,200. You were going to go to Thailand? Yeah, but it was a 24-hour flight. And I was like looking at flights from Ohio just to see how much it was. It was $1,200. You were going to go to Thailand? Yeah, but it was a 24-hour flight. And I was like, fuck that. I'm not 24 hours?

24 hours. That's got to be a weird flight because everybody on that plane is a pervert. There's nobody going there like, hey, I'm going to University of Thailand. Is it really a 24-hour flight? Yeah. I didn't know a plane could stay in the air for 24 hours. That's crazy. No, I think there was a layover or a stop somewhere, think but yeah i've been on 16 that's a weird one i've been to australia which

is a 16 i think yeah i've never done that flight man i gotta do that at some point i've never done one of those comedy festivals in australia or south africa i heard south africa that one's fucking amazing and uh the australian one is like how long has that been going on like 15 years 20 years now it's really bad for you. What, the Australian flight? The flight. The flight is bad for you. I just did the Brazil one

where I went 11 hours from Brazil to Miami and then five hours from Miami and I got sick. And I never get sick. It's just like... Flying won't make you sick. Yeah, it's terrible for you. And you're constantly around

other people's fucking diseased coffee breath and shit. And people are spitting and touching things. It's like being on a submarine, but there's really no glory to it. It's just super bad. There's something about that recirculated air, too, that just really diminishes you. It's supposed to be better.

And flying just stinks. And it's getting harder and harder. No, Brian, it's not supposed to be better. No, I saw a special on it that they said that the air filtration systems in planes are so amazing that it really does. It's actually really good for you. Well, this is what it is. That air that comes out of those little tubes is actually a very clean air. Those things that you blow on you, that's actually very clean.

However, you are in a tube where there's no fresh air and you are recycling everyone's breath. And that's the problem. That's why you have that tube on you the whole time. Well, that can help you, but the amount of air that's in that is limited and it's all being recycled with people breathing out. That's the issue. You're constantly around other people's breath

and it doesn't really have anywhere to go. There is a recirculation, there is a filtration. But you're still going to take in breaths filled with other people's shit. There's no way around it. That's why the farts smell so bad on airplanes. Someone farts on an airplane. It's not even like farting in a restaurant.

It's like farting in your face. It's like there's nowhere for it to go. That's why when you're stuck on the tarmac for like five hours and you realize this plane is built only for the air, the toilets start backing up and there's no air. I get incredibly claustrophobic on the plane. Once that door shuts, I'm like, fuck, dude. Now I'm in this tube for the next six, seven hours.

It's a part of our job to be on planes on a regular basis. It's not the best part. Back in the old days when it was all just touring, road, be on planes on a regular basis. It's not the best part. But back in the old days, like when it was all like just touring, like road, like driving cars, you and another guy that was the, you know,

I've done like a lot of that. And there is like, even though it takes a while, there was some fun to that. You know, this fun. If it's a good comic, it's a fun guy.

I did a lot of main gigs with a lot of Boston guys. We did a lot of driving up to Vermont and shit like that. Four and five hour drives. Yeah, it was great. It was a lot of fun. But now everybody's so like driving up to Vermont and shit like that, four and five hour drives. Yeah. It was great. It was a lot of fun. But now everybody's so like, you know,

PC and all that kind of stuff. It's like, yeah, let's stop and, you know, go apple picking. There's really no like, there's no like adventure to it.

Everybody's so PC. Yeah. It's like, I want to pick up a Delft China set for my mom. You need to, I'll go on tour with you. Okay.

You feel like you're the last of a dying breed. Self-destructive comics. Yeah. Yeah. You feel like you're the last of a dying breed. Self-destructive comics. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's kind of hard to explain to the new guys, like the road to them,

you know, like a lot of them like, I hate the road. I've done two gigs. I'm like two. And you hate it already. You got to do about 2000 before you get that real good hate of it. You know?

Yeah. Joey Diaz and I have been on some fucking adventures across this great land of ours. That guy has been on the road, like, before, I don't know, before the road. I mean, like, he must have started out working, like, you know, state fairs and shit like that. I mean, he's hardcore. Yeah, he's like that Johnny Cash song,

The Highwayman. He's done this in other lives. He's done this in other lives. But I bet you he's like me. He's probably more comfortable on the road than he is ever at home you know because I never feel like

at home I'm like Joey's most comfortable I think on stage oh okay you know I think he just wants to I think he just loves getting out there

yeah he's just a hustler too you know Joey's always got something going on yeah well that's the cool thing about it man it's like you know

the good thing about comedy is that like you know every day is a new day you know and like you can you know it's really up to you to make it happen and everybody's like if I only knew the right guy and if somebody read the screenplay it's like yeah but that's not about comedy comedy's about like

getting funnier and just getting out there really that's what I tell everybody's like how do I meet an agent I'm like why so some guy can not take your calls it's like right now you're doing more for your career going on doing seven minutes than this douchebag's going to do for you ever. So, you know.

At the end of the day, it all becomes about that engine. The engine that propels your life is your work, your comedy that you create. And everybody is wrapped up on getting auditions and getting a show and getting a series and getting all these things, which ultimately are not the best thing

for your stand-up. Yeah, no not the best thing for your stand-up. Yeah, no. Oh, it hurts your stand-up. You were on a sitcom. Kill your stand-up. You were on a sitcom, right? It's like, did you feel funnier after you did? No.

I felt less funny, first of all, because I had to work long hours. You know, you were on the set long hours a day. And I got lazy, and I stopped writing material. And there was no encouragement. No one thought. The producer even said it to me once like why why are you still doing stand-up you're an actor now yeah i hate when they say that so crazy but but it's great money and that so that's why everybody wants to do it but it

ultimately the real money is in stand-up i mean the real happy money because you're you're doing what you actually enjoy being on a bad have you ever been on a bad sitcom? Fuck. I've auditioned for every, I think, bad sitcom that never made it. I don't even do acting. That's the least thing I could give a shit about. I'm in my late 40s now, and I'm like, dude, I could give a shit if I ever get on the Big Bang Theory or any of that stuff. I know guys who are like, if only I could get on there.

And I'm like, you know, I'd rather be able to say what I want to say, when I want to say it, where I want to say it, than for low money, than be on a sitcom where I walk out and it's like, watch out, fellas, it's time for break. You know, like some line that has been overwritten by a bunch of guys I don't know sitting in a writer's room, you know. So, maybe

I'm a dick. I don't know. It's just like, it never excited me enough to do that. And I always was pegged as the guy, like the setup to the funny guy, and I hate that. Like, you know, what are you doing, Waldo? And then he would say the funny line, and I'd be like, wah, wah.

We were, I think a lot of comics, sort of led in that direction in the 80s when you saw like Roseanne and Tim Allen and these guys go to have series and Seinfeld and these series make millions and millions of dollars. So that became like a direction where everybody was sort of like thinking, well, I guess I got to do that. I guess I got to do that. And then the idea of just being a stand up was like nobody appreciated that. Nobody was like, oh, he just wants to be a stand-up. They'd be like, why when you can do movies? Why when you can do a sitcom?

Why when you can do a television show? But there are some guys who are like legitimately like, you know, I'm a stand-up, but I'm also an actor. So I give it to them. Like I'm not putting them down. But like Seinfeld, who was really a stand-up, who became an actor, went back to stand-up. So like that's what he does now.

He does his stand-up. Roseanne, I think, is like so creative, you know, like all over the place that she could do stand-up if she wanted to. But I think once you make that TV money and then go back to stand-up, you feel like you failed. But you shouldn't because it's like it's fun and like you should see the fun in it, you know? Well, it's sort of like the only art form where you're expected to transition and turn from a caterpillar into a butterfly true whereas if you're a rapper nobody's expecting you to go into movies you might you might go into some movie right most most rappers just essentially stay rappers and that's where people love them well but i think all the rapper guys they want to be like an action hero you know like kind of guy

in in their head and then you know because i don't think they're making that much money rapping anymore nobody makes any money you know off the cds yeah i think they do on tour though yeah that's where the real money is but yeah i think they definitely want to and they have that incredible rapper confidence they're like always so confident you know confident confident, you know? Comics aren't that confident, you know? The opposite of comedy. Yeah, exactly. You can't have, like, a guy self-hating himself as he blows away a dude with an AK-47. You can if you're black.

Okay, that's true. There is some racial thing to it. It's a cultural thing. Exactly. It's very different. That's why, like, you know, I would say that comics who do sitcoms, and I know a lot of them who did sitcoms, when they come back to the comedy,

they're always like, you know, I'm a little rusty. I'm like, are you really? I mean, it's just like, you should have done

stand-up the whole way through, you know, and it wouldn't have been that way. I know a lot of guys who quit. Kevin James basically quit.

Really? He occasionally goes on and does these shows with Ray Romano, but once he started acting, he just really doesn't have the time for it. He does a lot of movies,

too. A lot of, like, kids-friendly movies. And that, to a lot of movies, too. A lot of kids-friendly movies. And that, to me, would be the worst, to be in a kids-friendly movie. And then you have this dirty, filthy act. I think that happens to Tracy Morgan a lot, where they see him on Dirty Rock, which is like, you know, it's a smart, funny show. And then they see him live, and he is just fucking out of control. Right.

I did two of Kevin's movies. I did Zookeeper, which is a family-friendly movie. And then I did Here of Kevin's movies. I've done, I did Zookeeper, which is a family-friendly movie. And then I did Here Comes the Boom, another family-friendly, but I played myself in that one.

Okay. But, you know, Kevin's been my friend since we were like, we started out together. It was a great comic, too. Very funny comic. That's why it kind of

bums me out that he doesn't do it that much. Yeah. A lot of people don't even know. I started with him on Long Island and he, like, always knew who he was.

Eastside? Well, Eastside and Governors and he with him on Long Island, and he always knew who he was. Eastside? Well, Eastside and Governors. Him and his brother, who also is a comic, Gary Valentine, they were there all the time. But Kevin and Ray, they kind of are like soul brothers in a way, even though both of them are the whitest guys. Right. And they kind of have the same comedy. It's endearing. They don't want to offend anybody. They don't want to offend anybody.

They don't want to offend anybody, but it's still, like, Ray's comedy is still really so well written. Yeah. Like, you know, from what I remember from the past. I don't know. I saw him recently. He did one of those, Kevin and Bean does, they do an April Foolishness show in LA, and he did it, I think, two years ago.

Oh, wow. And he was great. Yeah, he should be on the road, because he's a funny guy, man. Yeah. I know he's got a lot of kids. He the mirage every now and then all right they they him and kevin do like gigs together and i think he was doing a new show but it was like a drama right wasn't he doing like yes he was it was uh not men behaving badly but men of a certain age yeah it was uh uh executive produced by michael royce, who is a guy I started doing comedy with.

And he's a great guy. He worked on Louis' first show on HBO. He's worked on Ray's show. He's a great writer, and he was a comic, too. So, you know, it's cool. How did you get from stand-up to this idea of doing porn, showing old? Was this your idea?

Yeah, this is my idea. And Stuart Bailey, who is the executive producer of the show, we pitched it to another network and they said no. And we made the pilot with them. And this is years and years ago now. So they said no, but it's too dirty, but it's funny. And then I went over to Showtime and that's what we did. And it really is kind of like you did it.

It's a two-dimensional show. It's me in the comic ragging on the clips and like basically just dick joking it around unscripted we didn't script anything and then we go right to uh you know the tribute part of the show which is bringing out the legend or in some shows i bring out young porn so it's like the last show of the season i'm going to give it away now we got like asa kira jesse Jesse Jane, Caden Cross, Shawn Michaels, who's one of the coolest dudes ever to do porn. You know, he's black. But he is so cool.

And it's really weird for the dudes in porn, especially guys like Shawn Michaels. You got to give them a tip of the hat because, like, you know, they are definitely – you couldn't have porn without them, but yet they don't get any of the credit, any of money that the chicks do so it was great to have a guy like there uh like that on the show and he's so smooth and so just like charming and interesting and then andy dick was on the show and adrian curry who is really really cool was a guy's Andy Dick sober Andy Dick was sober and he was a little disappointed because I didn't have much retro gay

porn but I did the best I could. And there's a lot of retro gay porn out there. It's just I wasn't sure what the network would think about it. You know, guy on guy. Peter North is a funny one because he's famous for loads. Yeah. Famous for giant loads. Absolutely. Frothy loads.

It's pretty ridiculous the size of that guy's loads. Oh, amazingly. Like just whatever it is, a banana clip he has on the bottom guy's loads. Oh amazingly like just Whatever it is a banana clip he has on the bottom of his dick. There's like 50 60 loads in there Yeah, I tell you that Joe that ZMA shit really has affected my loads. It's humongous now really Yeah, zinc and magnesium it boosts your testosterone and makes your loads more frothy. That's the cool thing about you guys show It's like helpful tips, you know, like Dr. Oz stuff. We're trying to spread

a little positivity there, David Tell. We're trying to enrich the world. We're trying to power up people. Get them excited about life, God damn it. Get them fired up. But the dudes who do porn,

like Ron Jeremy, Ron Jeremy, of course. We have him coming out. Herschel Savage. Who else? John Holmes. John Holmes, not here. You know what was interesting?

How Ginger Lynn was very proud of the fact that John Holmes always got it up with her. Yeah. Because that was the thing with John Holmes. He had this giant rubber dick. Huge. It was a lot of times it would be like half hard. But with her, she's like he was always excited. That's good.

She was very, very proud of that. Yeah, I would be too. She's a real trooper. Yeah, she really good. She was very proud of that. Yeah, I would be too. She's a real trooper. Yeah, she really is. She was proud of her work. That wasn't just like punching in at Wendy's. Exactly.

She was doing some art. And, you know, with the dudes in the porn, there's so many great ones. Eric Edwards, who I didn't even know he was into it, but if we do it again,

I'm definitely getting him on it. Randy, oh, shit, what's his name? Up and if we do it again, I'm definitely getting him on it. Randy, shit, what's his name? Up and Comers. You know who I'm talking about. Randy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's known for Up and Comers series. I don't know.

He was the one who banged Jenna Jameson, Up and Comers number 11. It's probably one of the best known scenes in porn. I'd love to get him on. You're talking about Jenna's first one? Yeah. Yeah scenes in in uh in porn so oh okay you're talking about jenna's first one yeah yeah randy i forgot his name but he's not a good looking fellow i think he's good looking he doesn't have a very big dick seems like a nice yeah he's like a regular guy yeah regular guy and uh you know like you said peter north uh joey silvaria he's he's a fucking he's a genius he's great it must have been a weird time for those guys that that 80s

porn because there was no there was no real 70s porn i mean it was so rare it was like you know you had deep throat and behind the green door or whatever was that that movie yeah behind the green door whatever randy west randy west randy west thank you so i mean all of a sudden these guys come along in like the 1980s and it's just crazy porn. They become stars. It's the VHS era. Like it was a world that didn't exist before because the porn that was done before that literally had to be streamed as a movie. You had to have a projector.

Yeah, it was a movie. Nobody had a fucking projector and they're going to go reel to reel and too much nonsense. But when a VHS tape came along, it changed that game. You could just stick that sucker right in the VCR, which everybody had in the 80s. Everybody started watching porn. And there was the whole section that you would go to with the video. I remember my mother was very upset when that came out. Like, oh, this is just right here?

You had a great first porn story. It was like, you know, I asked everybody who comes on the show, do you remember the first time you saw porn? That's like the big end of the interview. I'm not an interviewer. You know, I asked everybody who comes on the show, do you remember the first time you saw porn? That's like the big end of the interview. I'm not an interviewer, you know, I'm not like Charlie Rose

or anything. But your story was interesting where you said like you were at a buddy's, you went over either a buddy's house or like you just found his porn or something like that.

It was like an uncomfortable situation. I don't remember it. But it was a very good story and, you know, I'm going to turn it into an animated series. Awesome. Everybody's first porn. I mean, remember it but it was it was a very good story and uh you know i'm going to turn it into a

animated series awesome everybody's first porn i mean uh i remember finding porn in the woods like yes we both talked about it i was in the scouts and they would be like yeah well i lived in florida and we we lived near this uh i lived near uh in gainesville florida and it was uh my dad really i think top area's from there it's a lot of alligators around there there's a lot of woods I lived near, in Gainesville, Florida, and it was my dad was from the University of Florida. Really? I think Tau Barry's from there. It's a lot of alligators around there. There's a lot of woods.

We'd go out in the woods, me and my friends, we'd find like snapping turtles and shit, and we would make slingshots, and we would always find porn. Always. It would be wet bags of porn. Like a plastic bag tucked under a log. We found a bunch of that shit. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird.

It went from that. That was the only way you get it is magazines. Dudes always had to be half hard. They couldn't be fully hard. They had rules. You couldn't have a full hard on. Scene after scene would be this girl who's pretending to be in total moaning ecstasy, spreading her pussy apart.

The dude would lay his dick on her like a drowning victim. girl who's like pretending to be in total moaning ecstasy spreading her pussy apart and the dude would like lay his dick on her like a drowning victim yeah you know it's like this poor like dead dick and he's like what what is the message here i think it's so important for young kids to see magazine porn because it really is it first of all it's adult yeah but it's not like real porn so it's not like you're not gonna blow his head out you know it's adult, but it's not real porn, so you're not going to blow his head out. It's kind of just enough. You know what I'm saying? It's like the training wheel to porn.

It gets you started. Yeah. You don't want your kid to immediately go into hi-fi, Wi-Fi, download porn. It's like, here's a magazine. It's Hustler. It's great. Take a look.

I remember that feeling that you'd get when you found a Hustler. Your heart would race. It's great. Whoa. You'd be turning the pages. I remember that feeling that you'd get when you found a hustler. Like your heart would race. He's like, whoa. You'd be turning the pages. Oh, man, jerking off just reading the jokes. Yeah, and there'd be like a drip of saliva from his tongue to her dick. You'd be like, what the fuck am I seeing?

This is crazy. She's going to suck his dick. She's going to do it. Well, the cool thing about the girls today in porn, I know we're talking way too much about porn but i appreciate it's very few places where you can talk about porn so uh we we had joanna angel on and rob zombie and judah friedlander to do this like horror porn and i have like the worst horror movie porn it's like you know the good titles i couldn't get rights to and the ones that i have are just like joking cheesy fucking bad porn but

uh joanna who's like a you know super hot punk chick, tatted up, really cool, and a great businesswoman, by the way. She runs her own company, makes her own films. She's watching this porn and she's like, this is horrible. This is like you don't shoot dick that way. And it was cool to get her perspective on it because she's a director. But I was like, wouldn't that be cool if like uh you know they could redirect these porns like to today's standards i think it would be almost impossible you know that would be a good idea it really would be cool if they could

like whatever that is you know they don't i max it or something they don't remake porn do they they don't like they reloop it a lot well they did a lot of like debbie does dallas's and they did a you know they've done the same movie like over with different people yeah once they hit a like a theme that works like deep throat sore throat sweet throat they do like a million versions of it you know it is different if you watch the old porns compared to today like they're they are definitely better at filming shit and showing you more and better angles and stuff like a lot of the old porn was like a little awkward yeah you couldn't really see what was going on.

What looks good and what feels good is two different things sometimes. And so sometimes someone has to turn sideways and they're having sex in an angle, like a sideways angle, just so they could show you the genitals better. Whereas they didn't really do that nearly as much in the old days.

Brian's leaving. He's done. He's got to go jerk off. He just went totally... He can't take it it anymore he's calling it a piss but uh it's gonna be white he's gonna rub it out he's gonna bang one off but i think with the old porn that uh that doesn't happen today is that you have a lot of guys who did old porn that were really actors you know and that the old porn was like to pay the bills and today like you have a lot of guys who are just like everything, and they do porn. They're personal trainers. All these different things.

They all want to be actors, I think. I think at some point, everybody wants to be an actor who does porn. Because they've got amazing confidence to be able to fuck in front of other people. That's just like balls. Something happens, I think, to a lot of people when they first come to LA, where they have this idea

that they're going to make it in show business, they're going to be an actor, and then they get out here and they see what a process it is they see the the infinite field of gears and machines in front of them they're gonna have to get ground through before they pop out on the other side and some people just they lose they lose hope in it pretty quickly yeah that's the thing and there's like all those people who were like an extra on like an 80s show like a team or something like that i'm always wondering

like what happened to that guy what happened to this chick you know like where are they you know but i assume they're around in la you know just making it happen you know just trying to get day-to-day bill-to-bill whatever yeah isn't it funny that when you used to be someone famous and then you aren't it's sad but if you see someone and they were never famous, it's not sad. No, they're trying. Yeah, if a regular guy with a regular job at a deli, you never get sad when you see them. But if you went and one of the guys from different strokes is in a deli,

you'd feel sad. I used to get that all the time. And I'll only say this to you because I feel like we're both in the same kind of boat here. It's like after I stopped doing the Insomniac show, people used to come up to me all the time and you know i'll only say this to you because i feel like we're both you know in the same kind of boat here it's like after i stopped doing the insomniac show people used to come up to me all the time and go like what happened and blah blah blah and i was like well we were just done doing the show you know and like they're like how could you ever be done doing tv you do tv forever and to some degree they're right but i was also like i don't want it to be cheesed out

like where it keeps going and going and going and people would be like you know come and see me live and they're like you know like oh this guy's a failure in show business. When they, in my head, they don't know that, like, I could give a shit about television. It was really about being able to do stand-up because I did stand-up before the show, during the show, after the show. And that was really my dream. Like, if somebody said to you, like, Dave, you can never do stand-up again, but you can have a shitty reality show, I'd be like, fuck you. dave you can never do stand-up again but you can have a shitty reality show i'd be like fuck you i'm not gonna do that i mean it's like i i love i love the ability and freedom of doing stand-up yeah there are a lot of people that think you're a loser

though if you have because it's their dream it's their and mine wasn't canceled it was just like we're we're done doing it did you get tired of doing that show too because people are constantly trying to get hammered with you there was that but there was also like the real like – and I'm pretty businesslike when I work. It was getting harder and harder instead of easier and easier to get access to things outside of bars, like working late stuff, like really just cool events. Like we would either get there like a week late, a week early. For folks who don't know, Insomniac was a show that Dave did. Yeah, on Comedy Central.

It was on Comedy Central. It was really cool. He would do his show and then he would go out and the idea would be that he's an insomniac. You go see what the fuck's going on. I really am an insomniac. The sad part about it is being... I don't drink anymore. So it's like being up for three days editing porn and

having to do radio and all that kind of stuff. There's no fun in that kind of up. You know what I'm saying? You don't like doing radio? I love doing radio when it's somebody like you or like ONA, Stern, like where I get to like just talk about other shit and just be funny. A lot of these stations that they have me on sometimes, like these soccer mom stations, there's a lot of stuff you can talk about,

but then there's also like, you know, they want jokes. Like when I do Bob and Tom, I love doing those guys because they are older dudes. They know know porn they know all the porn things and like you know there's definitely some standards there but it's it's not i can work with it i love it you know and i like being able to be i'm pretty good on my feet you know i can talk about a lot of different things going on in the news whatever politics all that kind of stuff and i i like that it's it's exciting and it tests me but when it's all about like you know you did this and like you know give us a setup for uh you

know the football game and shit like that i don't like it you know there's not that many really good radio people no that's why the podcasts are cool a dozen or so in the whole country where you look forward to them there's a few guys and different radio stations where you go this is going to be a fun show but it's a lot of a lot of bad unentertaining there a few guys in different radio stations where you go, this is going to be a fun show. But it's a lot of bad, unentertaining radio. There's two guys in San Francisco. They're gay guys. Those guys are awesome. They're great. Those guys are amazing. And Johnny Dare,

who I called Johnny Blaze last time, I just did his show, he is so, he's cool because Johnny knows the porn people, he knows the business, and he's a lot of fun. So I think it's great that... Yeah, he has a fun show. Yeah, that's in Kansas City, right?

Johnny Dare. Yeah, there's a bunch of good radio still. Kevin and Bean in L.A. is still one of the best. Yeah. It's a dying market. The radio is slowly getting absorbed. When I say a dying thing, what I mean is that morning fun personality

that really Howard Stern invented. That's not that common anymore. Like that's slowly being phased out by these Jack FM channels and canned sort of shows and people that, you know, quite honestly, they don't really have that engaging a personality. They just know how to keep things moving along and sound like a radio host, play the right songs, take the quick breaks. You would know it better than me. What is that computer that tells them they can tell when people aren't listening and listening? So they're that. They're kind of stifled by that.

So there's probably a lot of cool dudes who now have to kind of suck the man's dick to keep the show on the air, and it sucks. Yeah, my man Willie in Denver. on the air and it sucks yeah my man willie and lest willie and um in uh denver yeah uh the the thing that they try to do when they you try to put a formula to something you can't put a formula to something being entertaining and the only way you find out if someone's entertaining is you gotta let them be themselves right and when you start fucking with this and tweaking that and changing that people that are that are people that are creative understand what's going on there that it's a stifling sort of but the people that are uncreative they just trying to fix it there's we're just trying to make more money with this we're just trying to make this a better radio

show well we we need a girl we need a sidekick the the number show uh women don't feel represented on your show like you just it's got to be good it's got to be entertaining and the only way to find out if it's good or entertaining is to for someone's actually got to be allowed to create the show it's like it's got to be the vision of one or a couple of people as soon as you start adding producers and non-creative people in there you're gonna fuck it up it's gonna fuck it all up there's no way around it every show i've ever done where the show wasn't doing well and the producers came in the executives came in they had notes oh those fucking notes were terrible and they ruined everything well you know like you said uh it's got to be someone's vision like Ron and Fez these guys like I listened to

them yeah you know and like they definitely have a point of view or perspective and there's like definitely a chemistry with the people in the room there so it's it's it's intriguing to watch same thing with uh you know Nick DiPaolo and Artie Lang. They've got a sports show on. And sports, unless you're a hardcore sports guy, it's kind of hard to listen to it. But they do a fun show about sports. And both of them, who I respect the most as comics

and as just cool dudes, it's cool that they've got a thing together and they have a great, I guess you could say, like back and forth chemistry. De Palo is one of the most underrated comics in the world. He's amazing. De Palo was one of the guys when I was starting out, I was like an open micer.

Nick was already in it a couple of years, I think, one or two years, and he was already solid. He was already working. And I remember he would be the first guy. He's this big fucking muscular football player. Good-looking guy, yeah. Handsome motherfucker with a full head of hair. And I was like, oh, you can look like that and still be funny?

Like, you know, I thought you had to, you know, be, like, awkward or strange. His stuff is so well-written, and it comes at it from such an interesting perspective. For a Boston guy, like, you always feel like he's a true Boston guy. Yeah. But his stuff is, like is so sophisticatedly fucking evil. I love it. And angry. Yeah, pure anger.

True anger. And I always find that's the ultimate funny. Somebody who's really fucking angry about something. I like that. The world needs more angry comedy. Yeah, and Nick DiPaolo, dude. Check him out because he's fucking cool. There's a whole bunch of young guys coming up now that I work with who I think also have the same heart and soul of these,

like Big Jay, Kurt Metzger. Yeah, Metzger's very funny. Mike Vecchione. Kurt has some of the funniest shit I've ever heard, and he's just now working his way through the system. But I worked with him in Nyack at the Levity Live. That's a great club by the way oh what did that used to be i don't know it's in the mall so it was an imax or something

there was a gig in nyack way back in the day i wonder if it's the same gig but levity live is like those are the same that do stand up live in phoenix yeah i couldn't fill it out i couldn't fill it up but i brought uh is it a a big place? It's probably like 500 seats. They're making these big, giant places now. Yeah, but do you like it? Because you could definitely fill that kind of... I did the stand-up live in Phoenix. Yeah, I love that club. I fucking loved it.

It was the biggest club that I've ever done. It felt like... Cool staff. But it still felt like a club. It didn't feel like a theater. And I like working downtown Phoenix. Everybody used to play the Tempe Improv, which was fun. But I like downtown Phoenix because that's the heart of the fucking...

That's a hardcore town. That's a crazy town. Yeah, so you get a whole different crowd now. It's not just college kids. Yeah, that's a wild west town. It is. Yeah, you can carry a gun there. People don't realize how nutty Phoenix is as a town. We were in Scottsdale. I've never told this story

on the air before, I don't think, but we came out of a club once and there was all told this story on the air before, I don't think, but we came out of a club once, and there was all these people laying on the ground. It was really weird. A guy had gotten his key from the valet, and he was hammered, and he just plowed through this line of people and sent people flying through the air. And we came out literally seconds after it happened,

and it was so strange because there's this eerie silence we walked out and it was literally seconds after it happened and people were lying on the ground shit and the car was stopped and no one believed what they had seen that this guy had just stomped on the gas and ran a bunch of people over sent some people flying i believe people got seriously, seriously injured. I think people might have even died from it. When was that? Man, I guess it had to be the early 2000s.

Oh. Like 2000, 2001. I think I first started doing the Tempe improv in the late 90s. So it could have been around there, too. It could have been like 99, maybe. That was a great club. It was a great club. That was one of the best. I'm going to play the dc improv and i think that's the best improv in the

country the improv in dc yeah irvine and dc are probably the the last two really great ones brea is very underrated too i just played brave i couldn't fill it couldn't fill it up how dare you i know i felt bad you know why i love the people people didn't know if they knew they would be they would be seeing you that's i don't know that. So that's the thing. Fuck. Get the fuck out of here. That's the thing about this social media stuff is it allows people to know where you're going to be. I think it's the beach crowd, too. I don't know. I always blame it on like it's near Huntington Beach, so it must be like the surfer people didn't come out.

They didn't connect with you? I don't know. I never do any more excuses except I will ask what else is going on in town. And if it's high school football and you're still not selling out, then I'm like, shit, I better fucking call a cousin and get a job doing something

because this is not happening. Dude, stop it. You just need to get more active on Twitter. You just need a podcast. Yeah, a podcast would be great. Or let us know anytime you have a show and we'll tweet it for you.

You and I were just talking. We got to do like, I just want to hang and do a show with you. I would love to do that. I would love to do that. I would love to do that. It's not about money. It's just about,

I want to like get in front of your crowd. I feel like your crowd would get my shit immediately. They would love you. 100%. No doubt. And I would step it up. I would not walk through the show. I would give you my A game.

I believe you would. Not just a couple of midget jokes and you know, whatever Obama. But either way, man, the people that listen to the show would love to see you wherever you are.

So just tell me where you're going to be and I'll tweet it. Well, I'm going to San Diego this weekend, and I don't even really know the club. But I'm looking forward to it because I haven't played there in a while. San Diego? Yeah. Is it American Comedy Club, or is it the other one? Oh, shit.

The Comedy Madhouse. I think it's the Madhouse. It's supposed to be great. Yeah, so I'm into doing it, and I'm going to be selling Dave's old porn shit there, too. So if you want a hat or a shirt or some booty shorts. See, I guarantee you. Yeah, show them the hat. There you go.

So I'll be doing that shit. So I'll be hanging out. It's more that people don't know you, man. The service we offer here at the Joe Rogan Experience is we use my Twitter and like we sold out

Brian Callen sold out Philly in advance. Another great comedy town. The whole week at Helium. Yeah, and he's never done that before. He said it was just from Twitter. Putting it on Twitter.

I had two Columbus sold-out shows. Holla! You guys are the man. You are the kingmakers of comedy. Well, we figured out a way to get through the fence, and now we're just letting other cool people through the fence. We found a hole. I appreciate it.

Speaking for the other comics, we appreciate what you do, and anything that helps good, cool people come see really raw, hardcore comedy is good. It's good for the industry. It's good for the comics. And it's also, you know, let's face it, nobody has money, so you might as well just come and, you know, check it out.

Well, it's worth doing. Look, stand-up comedy in its best form is one of the most entertaining things in show business. In my opinion, if I had a choice between seeing a great comic and seeing anything else, a movie, a band, I would love comedy over all those things as an art form. And it ain't easy to get right. It's not easy. We all know a lot of guys we don't want to watch. We all know a lot of guys we walk in the room, we see them on stage, and we go, eh, you wander out of there.

That's how the audience feels too so when we find something that's good we we promote the shit out of it well now that i've been doing it over 26 years i've never appreciated more the people that get the comedy than now like you know back in the day it was like you know the drinking party frat guys now it's like any they're older now they're all married they bring their wives in they're like what the fuck is this kind of shit but i really appreciate the comedy fan who gets the jokes and like sees like you know hey dude i saw you with mitch hedberg and lewis black on tour and like you know that was the best tour and you know i love mitch and all kinds of like that kind of shit like i never get tired of so you know i've gotten i've gotten it a lot from like people who've seen you they're like you know i heard you on the on the you know on rogan's podcast it was really cool to hear you seen you I heard you on Rogan's podcast

It was really cool to hear you guys Chew it up about the comedy So there are definitely a lot of comedy fans out there We just need you guys to Fucking come to the clubs Well they just need to find out where you're at I guarantee you that's a big part of it There's a lot of people that are huge David Tell fans

They just wouldn't know that you're going to be somewhere You've got to be really There's only one way To really reach people it's got to be a social media thing you have to have a website that you update on a regular basis you have to have twitter and what about flyers that doesn't really only in parking lots yeah just hire a guy flyer for a couple hours fucking flyer on my car yesterday world famous psychic i should give out her number on the air should i that was one of the funniest things i ever saw in airport security was a crystal ball like somebody was

trying to get a crystal ball no airport security and they they took it from them and you're like the joke of course the easy joke didn't they know that they were you know but i mean honestly that was hilarious what did they think it was some kind kind of bomb, a neutron, EMT blast, fucking space. Nitrogen ball inside there. Did you see that fucking explosion in Indianapolis? I didn't even see it yet. Holy shit, dude. Some house exploded in Indianapolis. Yeah, what was that?

Most likely a gas leak. That shit happens sometimes. It happened. There was another one on my message board. A guy was saying that one happened four miles from his house and he said he could feel the blast

on his chest holy shit yeah from four miles away from his house yeah oh there it is when you see

what it looks like that ain't shit you gotta see the overhead there's an overhead shot that's unbelievable it doesn't even make sense oh look at that man like a drone strike

look at that it looks crazier yeah it looks just like a drone strike. Look at that. It looks crazier. Yeah, it looks just like a drone strike or like some sort of a missile strike. Go to images and there's one large photo of an overhead image where it shows. There's one of them right there. Click on that one. Here's a video of it. Yeah, but go to the images just because there's one image that's so insane.

You can't even wrap your head around how big the explosion was. I don't know if that's it. Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. Look at that. Look at those houses. What the fuck?

Dude, they're splinters. They were reduced to splinters. The house is fucking exploded. What a heartache that must be. You come in and you see your house is just fucking pulverized. Or if it happens to you. Well, that's something that we have to remember is that we have fucking gas pumping into our houses.

It's amazing that that shit doesn't happen on a regular basis. Here's a good gas story before I got a bolt. I got to go do some other stuff. You got another show to do. Yeah. Sorry, dude. I really because I could stay here for fucking nine hours and it would never get boring. But what is it going to say?

My house? I thought I had a gas leak. So, you know, I get the handy guy come in and he's like, well, first of all, you don't have gas. And I'm like, you sure about that? And he goes, yeah, you don't. So then I'm like, why do I have this blinding headache? You know, because that's what I thought. Because with gas, like you always think I'm like, oh, you know, And he goes, yeah, you don't. So then I'm like, why do I have this blinding headache? Because that's what I thought.

Because with gas, you always think, oh, they always tell you you're dizzy, you have a blinding headache. I'm like, oh, okay, so I'm really just basically on deck for a stroke. So I went through the normal. I was like, it's gas. It's not me. It's like, oh, no, my brain, an aneurysm, something's going to happen. So you sent the guy in because you had a headache and you just assumed it had to be a stroke?

You didn't smell gas? My place fucking reeks of just... It's horrible. Where do you live in New York? I live in Manhattan. What part? What's the address? Okay, cool, yeah.

Which part am I in? I live in Battery Park right near the memorial. No, it was washed out now. It's an aquarium. No, but I live in the city, so I figured it was like they're on gas or something like that. And it turns out there's no gas there. And I was like, oh, shit.

Okay, so then this is just my neuro something about to be. I'll be eating baby food next time. Shivoing it. Yeah, exactly. Someone will open the hangar door. Do you live in the thick of it where you look out your window, you just see nothing but skyscrapers? Everything is skyscrapers. there's no good view anymore you got to be like donald trump to have a view where you're just like a deck and you just laugh yeah you know but everybody

wants to be on on the park i never never got that whole idea i like you know like i like being in a place where i can get in a cab and like get to the airport because i'm a comic you know it's all about like getting adam and, which is impossible now because the mayor shut down all these streets and there's bike lanes, there's unicycle lanes, there's skip to my loo lanes. It sucks. This is post-hurricane, you mean?

No, this has been the last two years where they made it more walking friendly. And in Manhattan, honestly, it's so hard to get around to begin with. It just made it impossible. Is it the only city that has cabs like that? Because I've never been to a city where it's dominated by cabs the way Manhattan is. I mean, I can't think of another place.

That's so strange where they've just decided, like, look, you can't park. Forget it. We'll park for you. Don't even try it. Just let us take care of you. Well, the cool thing about living in Manhattan is that you don't have to have a car because there's the subway and then there's cabs and then there's buses. Yeah, but you're letting all these other people drive for you all the time. Yeah, but I mean, come on.

It's not like a limo. I mean, you're some guy from Senegal. Right, but you've got to trust this guy to just drive you around. You don't even know this guy. True. They never know where they're going either. No. Well, it's also a weird thing.

You're constantly interacting with all these other people like in close proximity and cabs well that's why i like going to minneapolis because it's like the whitest town with the most african cab drivers these are boy soldiers you know they like brought them over there and like they're all cab drivers and you know they know the town pretty well because they're pretty into not going back to wherever the fuck they're from so they're on it in new york the guys are eh. Do you remember that one year where they shot like 48 cab drivers in a year? Oh, right. Yeah, that's right. It was like a serial.

Wow. Yeah. Really? It was really bad. They were robbing cab drivers. So they would take, and that's one of the reasons why cab drivers would stop picking up urbans. Really?

Stop picking up the urban kids. You know what I'm saying? Blank, blank. They would take them somewhere and they would just shoot them in the head and take all their money wow it was really common like i believe it was like 48 was like the record one year and it was pretty spooky for these fucking cab drivers especially those gypsy cabs you know there's a lot of people that are operating as cab drivers that have like different licenses or no licenses and they're just sort of sneaking yeah yeah yeah rides undercover shit yeah yeah if you mean you could

just sneak around and give people rides we got that in england a guy gave us a ride it wasn't even a cab driver but those guys gave us a deal don't they have to go to like cab driving school there they have to learn the knowledge you know they have to like learn all the in england yeah i don't know in we have it i know they do they have to like go through this incredible... They're also like, their father was a cab driver, and their father's father, kind of bullshit. When we were in, I think it was in Manchester, with my friend Dave Bishop, we got a ride with some dude who was just an illegal cab driver.

Oh, really? There's a lot of illegal cab drivers, because there's not enough regular cabs. Wow. So there's these dudes who have little navigation systems. Like, you need a ride? Okay, I got you. All right, 20 bucks

and you like negotiate with them and you just hop in his car. It was like a fucking Toyota Tercel. That's a good idea. Yeah, yeah. I think it's pretty common. I think it's illegal though.

I think they can get in trouble if they do it but it's like there's so much demand for it because there's not enough cabs. Hopefully porn stars start doing that since they're going to

all be out of work soon. What is the deal now? How are the porn stars reacting to, for folks who don't know, there's a, Brian said they're going to all be out of work soon. What is the deal now? How are the porn stars reacting to, for folks who don't know, Brian said they're going to be out of work because they just passed some crazy new laws. Not out of work. It's just that they've made it a lot more annoying.

Now they have to go outside of L.A. County to do porn. They can go to Ventura County, though, can't they? Yeah, yeah. They have to all go out. But a lot of these girls. Is it California State Wine? No, it's just Los Angeles County. Los Angeles County, yeah.

So all you're going to find is just more annoyed and more porn stars are going to be late to set and it's going to... I don't know. When I do the AVNs, I'm sure that'll be like a topic

or something like that. But they will keep making porn. They'll keep losing money making porn. They'll be more like, you know, illegal downloaded porn, all that kind of stuff. It's a lose-lose proposition all the way around. Explain to people who don't know

what it is, what we're talking about. I'm not from here, so I kind of know they have to wear condoms now. It's Prop B, which was... I think it was Prop B, but it passed. What that means is they have to wear condoms now. If they're doing a blowjob, they have to have the mouth condom. And what that means is they have to wear condoms now. If they're doing a blowjob, they have to have the mouth condom.

Wow. Dental dams. But what sucks is they had all these hidden things built into it. Meaning if you're married at home and you want to go on MyFreeCams or whatever. Yeah, a webcam show. A webcam show.

Do a webcam show. You have to have a permit that costs up to something ridiculous, like $60,000 just to do that. What? Just that porn with your own wife webcam. So there's like all these like hidden things that they put in there on top of it. And everyone knows that AIDS is not real.

So yeah. Well, according to Dr. Peter Duesberg, but we are not really, we really shouldn't be saying AIDS is not real. You know, the thing about,

the thing about making porn now is like, there's such little money in it. Like, I think a lot of girls think like, I'll just do porn for a while, and that'll be, like, this amazing amount of money. And then I'll go off and do other things. But porn is, like, I'd say it would be, like, working, like, the maitre d' at, like, a fancy restaurant. You're making that kind of money. But you're doing it in, like, an afternoon.

But, like, you know, instead of working a whole week, you're going to make that much money. And they work scene to scene unless they're a contract girl and the contract girls probably make some more money and they also get a lot more publicity but unless the girls actually uh control their image and own their material their chances of making the sizable amount of money which they're due by the way they are definitely due money uh it's very low and you know i think the industry itself is going through a big transition about like what are we going to do how are we going to make the network for us because it definitely works for the people watching you know that i mean there

would be no internet without porn you know that well it's an interesting thing the way it happened where they all of a sudden didn't have an outlet to make money anymore yeah it's like no more dvd sales they just completely went away. I still buy DVDs. I'm like the last guy. What do you think? What is the drop-off? It was an enormous drop-off.

Because I used to have a lot of porn producers. A lot of guys used to come to jujitsu. They used to train at John Jock's place in the Valley. And they were rich as fuck. They had these big ballin' cars. And those guys, a lot of them lost their houses, got their houses repossessed. It was really common. I think in porn, too, people live for the moment.

So there's probably a lot of guys who have money, but they want to show it off. Oh, yeah. Kind of like rapper type dudes. Yeah, definitely. And they think the money's going to always be coming in. And might as well buy that car and a boat. Oh, yeah. And then a lot of girls also live kind of high up up there and you know now they realize they're like you know

i really should save some money but at least the girls are still getting some money right the guys the producers that shit's done man it's over i don't know how they make money now i have no idea who's making money and how it's being made i know that there was a big buyout on a lot of these companies where now they're all kind of under one flag and that it's good and bad for porn where like, you know, a lot of these independent producers have been bought out. Hopefully they made some money like a dot-com kind of thing, but I doubt it. And, you know, now it's someone else's headache, you know, the whole like, you know, how you get it out of the distribution, all that kind of stuff. So it's an interesting business because, you know, I don't know much about the actual making of the porn. I just know about the licensing and all that kind of stuff.

And that a lot of these titles, it's a very gray area in terms of who owns what, who can show what. And at the end of the day, it's all going to end up on the net and people are just going to watch it for free. So all that money you're spending for a lawyer, you realize you're like, is this worth it? But you want to be on the up and up and you want the business to make money. And I do. I really want, you know, this show is about tributizing not only the old porn stores but making it a cool place for young ones

to come out and show everybody that they're funny and cool and they're just, you don't need to see them naked without them being interesting and that, you know, it's great for comics to roll with this kind of shit since we all know the porn. And it's kind of like, it's very important for me that this show works for the industry.

And at the AVNs, when I meet the people, they go, oh, I love the show. I love what you're doing for porn. And I never really got it. But now I get it because it's a place for the people to see them do something besides fuck. Yeah, to see them in a positive light too. Exactly. It's a weird thing with us with morals where with absolutely down on porn in a strange way yet it gets seen and used by so

many fucking people if you look at the numbers the amount of people that are involved uh in watching porn is fucking staggering the amount of porn downloads at supposedly 40 or somewhere around there of the internet's entire traffic you're not lying yeah so what's crazy to me is that that industry when when the internet boom came along that industry was essentially the gutted took the legs right off of it the the industry fell apart people were completely out of the business people lost jobs like crazy right but those jobs were never deemed to be legitimate so there's never any talk of a bailout there's never any talk of government assistance but chevy's okay we have to save chevy chevy's important chevy makes

cars we do we can't lose chevy jobs and so they went in to save chevy but or gm but they didn't do shit about the porn business they just let it They, they'll always be porn and they'll always be a porn business, but they are scraping by. Bank bailouts. Absolutely. Exactly. Porn bailouts. No fucking way.

I don't even know how they do it. Like, I don't know how they get backers. Do they, you know, is this like, uh, you know, just some money they found like from, you know, jungle gold digging. I don't know how they do it. Has there been a business that fell apart? That's that big of a business that was, uh, that almost completely evaporated in such a short period of time? The porn, yeah.

Besides porn. I can't think of one. The music business, I guess. Yeah, porn and music and also to some degree, I guess, comedy. I don't think so. I don't think comedy has really been affected by it in a negative way. I don't know. I'd say the downloads and all that kind of stuff.

I think it helps us. I hope so. It makes people want to come see us live. I hope so think there's for artists i think it's switched to a live performance model for for uh rather uh music artists but for porn man what are they gonna do fuck live maybe that's what they should do maybe they should have live fuck shows if this was estonia yeah they would they would be doing it why don't they do it i don't have a live fuck show why can't like wouldn't you pay money to go see Dana DeArmond fuck,

Brian? They do live fuck shows. Ten black guys? They have sex shows all the time. Where? The guy in Columbus was telling me that.

No, no, no, but legal. Yeah, that's not, yeah, that's like a pit bull fight somewhere in someone's basement. All right.

Yeah. Now that we've deemed who the champion rooster is. Yeah, some guy, you know, holding, with a hot chick in his arm holding up a gold bar.

I got my money on. I think they have that, though, in San Francisco legally. I don't think so. They used to have that theater. Mitchell Brothers. Mitchell Brothers Theater. They do things there. They would spit on dildos and shove them in you.

And pee in gloves. Either way, man, I can't thank you enough for having me on. Please, man. You're awesome. I love talking to you. I love talking to you, too, man. Please can't thank you enough for having me on. Please, man. You're awesome. I love talking to you. I love talking to you too, man. Please let us promote your gigs. If you have gigs coming up, people want to know about them, and I want to tell them.

So let me know anytime you're anywhere. I guarantee you all these people on Twitter, they're saying yes, yes, yes to that right now. Well, I'll be in San Diego, but when I get back to L.A., if you're doing anything around town, let me know because I want to come out in just five minutes. I just want to hang out. We'll do it. Listen, when are you going to be back here again? We'll schedule a show here at the Ice House. Okay.

I'll be here through the whole whatever. We'll work it out, dude. We will work it out. It'll be good. He doesn't want to come in on air, ladies and gentlemen. No, no, no, no. It's like I don't even have a schedule here. I understand.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a crazy week coming up. Let me tell you about the dude we got tomorrow. Oh, I can't wait. He's a robotics guy. He has a bunch of books about robots, like pretty much taking over the world and stuff like that. From porn to robotics. Wow. Robot-pocalypse, I think.

Robo-pocalypse is... Let me get his information here. He's Daniel Wilson. He's a young guy, and he's got a PhD in robotics. And he wrote Robopocalypse, which is a novel about a robotic insurrection against men, basically like a Terminator-type movie that Steven Spielberg is going to turn into a movie. But he's a technology expert. We're going to talk about military robots, privacy issues, artificial intelligence, the future,

on how long until we start incorporating robotics technology into our own bodies. It's going to get freaky. So that's tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. And they will probably do Eddie Bravo on Wednesday. It's all about when I can set up this. I'm having some work done at the studio. So thank you to Matt Staggs, the official Death Squad publicist, for hooking this up.

He's a very cool motherfucker and the host of the Disinfo podcast as well. Publicist, author, very cool guy, Matt Staggs. Is he an author? I don't know. He's an author of emails. His emails are very well written. Thanks to Dave Attell, ladies and gentlemen.

Follow him on Twitter. Attell, A-T-T-E-L-L on Twitter. Thanks to Dave Attell, ladies and gentlemen. Follow him on Twitter. Attell. A-T-T-E-L-L on Twitter. It's at Attell. At Attell. Or Dave's old porn. Or just old porn on Twitter. But most importantly, Attell.

Send him some love, ladies and gentlemen. Let him know you love him. The guy's... That's what we're doing, man. He's at old porn. His show is fantastic. It's a really, really funny show. I enjoyed doing it. It was fucking really fun. Thursday. His show is fantastic. It's a really, really funny show. I enjoyed doing it.

It was fucking really fun. Thursday. Yeah. Showtime. This Thursday on Showtime. Ting. Thank you to Ting for sponsoring our podcast. Go to rogan.ting.com and save $50 off any of the Android devices.

Some badass phones there. No contracts. Cancel anytime you want. Tell the big boys, these big networks to go fuck themselves god damn it um so this weekend we will see you in montreal that shit is sold out you dirty bitches but there is a death squad show is it here friday night uh friday night uh here and then 12 12 12 at the american comedy co in san diego and who is it here who's here i don't know yeah i'm putting it together right now okay and 12 in 12-12-12, I will likely be there for that, but we don't know yet.

I got a lot of shit going on. Bitches, I'm busy, yo. Thanks to Onnit.com. Go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements. If you use the code word SANDY,

we will take that 10% and donate it to Hurricane Relief. We decided to go with the Salvation sandy we will take that 10 and donate it to hurricane relief um we decided to go with the salvation army because we find that um in this instance they are giving 100 of the donations to uh to hurricane relief whereas some of them it gets down to as low as like 30 that's kind of important like when you know how much of your money actually goes to the, not to the infrastructure of the charity, but actually goes to help. Hire-primate.com is my t-shirt company. There's new t-shirts in.

This is the monkey gas mask chimp. By Mike Maxwell. Yeah, Mike Maxwell did some badass artwork on this. It says Hire Primate Department of Health and Welfare. And we also have another new one that he just designed that's fucking amazing. I can't wait until that one gets released. And a couple of shirts that he designed

that were based on posters for a Chicago gig and an Atlanta gig with Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell. All right, I talk too much. It's official. I'm tired of hearing my own fucking voice, god damn it. Mad love to all you ladies and gentlemen out there in the Twitterverse, in the universe. We appreciate the fuck out of every one of you. All the positive tweets and all the cool people that we meet after shows.

It's humbling. It's overwhelming. And we never get tired of it. We appreciate the fuck out of all of you. And we're doing this for you guys, officially. We will never stop. We will roll on. We will get through of it. We appreciate the fuck out of all of you and we're doing this for you guys officially. We will never stop. We will roll on. We will get through this together. Rise, ladies and gentlemen. Rise and evolve.

You are not the person you were yesterday. You are an accumulation of your experiences. Be the hero in your own life. I love all you bitches. I'll see you tomorrow.