The Joe Rogan Experience - #299 - Honey Honey

Episode Date: December 17, 2012

Joe sits down with Honey Honey.

Joe Rogan, experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Our commercials are long, they're wordy, but we get them out of the way. And then once they're done, they're done. But shorter than Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky's podcast. They have longer commercials than us? Yeah, every time I count to where they actually start the show, it's like 26 minutes in. They do it the same style, where they just start talking, and then they sort of and then they sort of fuck around yeah tangents and they go back to tour dates and stuff

well it's weird that's how we started it yeah it's a good way to do it though i think you know they keep trying to pressure me to put commercials inside of podcasts and i keep telling them to go fuck themselves candidly and casually no they bring it up you know they say we would like you to start introducing commercials in the middle of the podcast. And they can be pre-recorded and we'll stick them in afterwards. But that seems sleazy. That seems like it interrupts the flow of the conversation, right? Yeah.

Get down with that. You guys hammered yet? Working on it. I feel warm. I feel pretty good. Getting toasty? We're drinking Maker's Mark. Shout out to my boy Justin

who loves this shit hey Justin my friend Justin every time we go out he orders this shit Makers Makers and Coke why put the Coke in it though

why not just go right with the Makers cause he's 7 feet tall and he does whatever the fuck he wants that's fine trust me I would still

shoot him straight Justin wants to put Coke in his Makers you just let him wow he's the biggest human I know I like coke zero

I think he's a slow mover Well you might be able to outrun him It might be but god damn when he caught you You'd be in fucking lots of trouble I have a friend who's a true giant Really sweetheart of a guy This is the dude? He's a true giant he's enormous

He talks like a normal guy But he's like he's just a huge fucking guy you know that's funny how people are like just not created equal you know there's dudes like that there's a whole we our tour manager is six seven and he he talks about that a lot he's like it's really difficult you know you go to like when we're on tour you're at the holiday and he's like and the shower only comes up to my chest between my nipples like you know it's a whole he he's big and tall you know what i mean he can never find pants that fit him you know the way he'd like to to represent pants i was watching tv today uh and uh there was a fight from 19 2009 this guy semi schilt semi schilt used to be the k1 grand prix champion i

think he's won it at least three if not four times he's six foot eleven oh my six foot eleven 300 pounds and it's just like good luck go fight that guy he's a fucking legit giant i mean he really is like small and mighty though like what about that guy? He was like... Not once the big guys learn how to fight. Once the big guys learn how to fight, too. The idea is that the small man with skill can overcome the big man who has no skill. I still maintain that most of the time that's accurate, but a big man with skill is a fucking pain in the ass.

Yeah, but aren't the big ones like the stupid ones? You would like to think that. Everybody would like to think the good looking guys are stupid too. Well, good looking women, a lot of people would like to think they're stupid.

Nobody wants to think there's a girl who's way hotter than you and also way smarter than you. That's too, that's, that's depressing. Yeah, it's depressing as fuck.

That bitch just got all aces. You know, she was born with a bunch of aces. Boobs. Yeah, it's not fair. It's not, it's totally not fair. But that's life. But then they have to deal with everybody trying to drag them down.

That must be tough. Yeah, I would guess. I would guess it would be really hard to be a hot chick, to deal with a lot of cunty women. I've seen women get cunty with pretty girls for no reason. Like someone will come up and ask for directions or something like that. I've seen like cunty women just immediately going do you know where you're going like where you know how how much do you know this area you know like immediately like dismissive yeah like like that girl's

stealing something from her by existing by being in front of her she's not a sister she's not a you know a fellow human to be. That's like someone who's taking away from your value by their very existence. I knew a girl who got furious at a guy because he brought a really hot girl to her wedding. And everybody was paying attention to the girl. What? So yeah, she literally said, she was like yelling at him. Why the fuck did you bring that bitch to my wedding? And and the girl was like a sweetheart she's a very nice girl didn't do anything to anybody but just because she was there she dressed nice and she was

apparently she was very beautiful and the the bride was furious like it took away from her big day and she kept saying that that fucking bitch she took away from my big day isn't that amazing god the whole wedding thing fucking freaks me out that's that pressure of it needing to be this huge monumental thing she's a crazy bitch that guy should get a divorce immediately in me i do not pass go i have no idea he told me the whole story my buddy told me the whole story i was not there but it was a fascinating story it's it's like animals you know i was talking about uh i've had females female dogs female dogs do not like other female dogs they just don't like each other the dog world is fascinating they will fight to the death if we were able to um communicate with each other

like dogs were we would just be peeing on each other all day yeah Yeah. And humping in public. On the regular. And trying to figure out who the alpha is. Who gets to breed. It's amazing. Who eats the liver. Ben's dog. Ben has a dog named Larry Bird. That's awesome.

And Larry Bird is great. He's fucking awesome. That's awesome. Very, you know, he's really zen. The dog is? He is, yeah. He doesn't really bark at all. He just, like, he wants to be scratched on the head.

Our very good friend of a friend found him on the freeway in Nashville. When we moved to town, Ben's been saying he wanted a dog. My buddy posted an ad on Facebook and said, Hey, we have this dog. We're looking for a good home. He's got very long legs and kind of an awkward face, so the name Larry Bird came to mind. That's funny. What kind of dog is he? He's larry bird came to mind that's funny what kind of

dog is he he's an australian shepherd oh okay i know what those look like mid-sized probably 45 pounds yeah but i don't know if he's zen or if he's just real stressed out all the time and shutting down he gets very stressed when ben leaves yeah i bet well you know it's like all of a sudden he's got something good you know he's got someone who cares for him and loves him i had a female like that i had a female that i uh adopted and she was eating out of garbages when i got her she was all covered in mange and i took her in and started feeding her and taking care of her but she would have massive anxiety when i would leave she wouldn't know what to do she would freak out because she didn't think i was coming back you know when you you know you get down to that point

like she was like starving to death when i found her, like literally in, in downtown LA, she was just eating out of garbage cans. You gotta think dogs, they have access to so much joy. Those things are so happy sometimes. If you get lucky. Just as bummed out too. Well, it's like, it's like humans too. It's like, if you get lucky, you could get, you could grow up in a really awesome household where your mom and dad love you and they want to see you all the time. And you're growing up with people that have sort of a sense of perspective and they can educate you on the ways of the world and constantly give you love.

Or you could grow up with a crazy fucking shithead mom and a nutty fucking violent abusive drug addict dad and you're fucked. You're just fucked. You were born into the wrong spot and there's nothing you did and your entire potential completely changes because of that your entire way of absorbing the world of even just dealing with reality is compromised by this situation that you were born into with no no effort of your own no karma behind it no nothing you just were there i mean unless you believe in reincarnation you know unless you believe in you know there's no fucking evidence

to support any of that but the idea that people are responsible especially like babies are responsible for terrible things that happen to them because of things that they did in the past life i'd have to say jesus fucking christ how cunty is the universe? How about you let a baby slide? Don't punish it from some shit that some other entity had done in a past life. It's so ridiculous. It's a super sad aspect of this world. Your life could be awesome or it could be shit. And it's just dependent on who gives birth to you and where you are. You know?

Man. Yeah. I mean, we're lucky as fuck great i'm crying lucky as fuck you and i all of us here and to live in america to live in 2012 in america with fucking medicine and doctors and the internet and all this shit you know well it's interesting how the our challenges change as you're right like yeah it's kind of a it's weird i was i you know one of my best friends in ohio uh he he got really mad about his cell phone bill he found out that since like i don't know 2007 or something he paid t-mobile five thousand dollars which is i think normal if you were to add that up and he was like

this is ridiculous he's like i want to spend my money on other things so he stopped using a cell phone for three months he didn't have a cell phone he used a landline or would communicate through email and he he was telling me how difficult it was but how like incredibly liberating you know and not that that's a problem i'm kind of segwaying into just like you're talking about how we've evolved and like technology makes everything so easy everything is like you could you could take we've evolved and like technology makes everything so easy. Everything is like you could take care of things at your house right now with your cell phone because you have robots there. Yeah.

But it's so interesting. I've always been fascinated with people who were incredibly resourceful with nature, like Boy Scouts and stuff like that. Yeah. Like just to go home and make a fire right now. Yeah. A little bit of – yeah. Rubbing sticks together rubbing sticks together i whittled myself a coffee table you know like and i i find that to be incredibly fascinating it really actually in some spare

time would like to uh learn a few tips if anybody has any you want to be like a subsistence well i want to know how to i want to know how to make my own bow and arrows really have you ever um watched any of those shows, like Alaska shows, where these people are like homesteaders out there, and they gather all their food within the summer months, and then they fucking freeze their dicks off for like eight months out of the year? No, I haven't seen that. Amazing.

If you're into that, if you're talking about people living off the land and trying to survive out there, It is a fucking fascinating show. It's crazy. And this is generations after generations. These people just live like that. There's this level of awareness and oneness with nature that I think is so cool.

Oh, yeah. When you know something, you're just like you're in the earth. And so, obviously, I don't really have too much experience with that. I'm really good at fishing. I like to fish. Are you really yeah you know i'm yeah i'm good at it i know how to catch them you like this shit you're like ready for like bass pro masters i can hang tournaments and shit not really but bass masters no i do like to fish though fishermen make a fuck load of money

did you know that like professional fishermen yeah like you can make a great living if you're like a famous fisherman. Yeah. How hilarious is that? This famous fisherman. I think we should try. You want to try with me? You guys have to start entering into tournaments.

I mean, you're in Nashville. There's like some great bass fishing down in that area. It's a competition though. I think the world record's from the South. That's the same thing though. That whole oneness. Like that just becomes part of their,

you know, their receptive faculties is they know the the fucking water they know about the fish yeah what's going on they know they don't like that kind of tackle that lure doesn't work yeah it certainly becomes you know you have this connection with this animal that you're going after trying to figure out how to keep pulling them out of their world by tricking them with with fake fish you know what a ruthless fucking game fishing is. You throw out this impossibly beautiful, wiggling, sparkly thing that makes some poor fish just want to go bite it.

And he bites it and gets literally pulled out of the dimension he exists in to another dimension that he can't survive in. He can't move. He can't fly around in it like he can in the water. All of a sudden, he exists in to another dimension that he can't survive in he can't move he can't fly around in it like he can in the water like all of a sudden he's in air and like what the fuck is going on and if you pull them right and if it's deep enough water they'll die just from the pressure just from going through the deep deep deep water to the surface they'll be like like they can't even handle it like what are we doing out here we're supposed to be at like 700 feet of water and just yank those fuckers up to the

surface they're just like ah you're really you're really ruining it for me now there goes my fishing boner thanks no listen fishing is awesome i love fishing but it's got to be a fucking a real freak out for that poor barracuda you know bites down your lure barracudas aren't poor they're not they're rich are they like yeah they're definitely a top shelf fish i think they're i don't think Or barracuda. You know, bites down your lure. Barracudas aren't poor. They're not. They're rich. I don't know. Are they like... Yeah, they're definitely a top-shelf fish, I think. They're tropical.

I don't think people eat them that much. There's that one song. Yeah. They're famous. They have the heart song. Yeah, did you ever... Did you like heart when you were a kid? What's that?

Did you like that band Heart? Did you sing that song, Barracuda? They had a bunch of great songs. I got some stuff to help your fishing boner, by the way. I like Heart, and yes, what do you have for me, Brian Redman? Fucking bring that shit. He has that Viagra shit. Whatever, I just want to know,

no disrespect to the Viagra pills and what have you, but what happened to the old-fashioned boners? I mean, just good old-fashioned boners. Well, SSRIs killed a lot of them. A lot of people on antidepressants have a huge problem getting wood. Okay. I have normal boners, but it's nice to have that five-hour boner when you just want to have a vacation.

Super boner. Like a vacation boner. Ryan is just an abuser of boners. A vacation boner? Yeah. Once in a while, you're like, all right, I'll take care of you. You're just trying to challenge yourself, really? Yeah.

I want to see how much boner I can have. Olympic boner style? Mm-hmm. Okay. Like marathon boner sex. But here's my question. Your partner, I mean, are they having sex for eight hours? Because that sounds kind of painful.

Well, he mostly sleeps. He mostly sleeps. Yeah, Brian just fucks dudes that are unconscious. Well played. That's Brian's thing. Just gives them GHP. He takes Viagra. I believe it's called bro rape bro you gotta be careful

about that you can't even can't even use it's real if you if you joke about rape you support rape did you know that yeah stop careful careful you know one of the things i've been noticed i posted this on twitter about a lot of lefties so uncomfortable um there's a a funny thing lately where um like uh hardcore lefties, what they like to call themselves progressives, they will criticize stereotypical Muslims in television and film. Like I saw these progressives that were criticizing Homeland. The show?

Yeah, that all of the Muslim characters are cartoonish. What? I find it offensive. And I find it offensive. They're finding it offensive. But it's hilarious that they would never do that with cartoonish Christians. If there was a TV show and all the Christians had God hates fags posters

and were walking around, you would never hear progressives bitching about fundamentalist Christians that are represented in a cartoonish way. But fundamentalist Muslims, it's like, oh, we have to be aware and conscious, and we have to be really sensitive to these foreign people and their ideas.

Like, wackadoos that are brown, you have to be really kind to them and show them kindness. But wackadoos that are white and look too much like your relatives, like, fuck them. Fuck the Christians. Fuck them, and let them be as cartoonish as possible. dudes that are white and look too much like your relatives like fuck them fuck fuck the christians fuck them and let them be as cartoonish as possible but you have to be super sensitive about the way people who you know islam it's not all terrorists not islam as if one ideology makes

any more sense than another ideology any of these fucking goofy cults make any sense. Any of them. But progressives, they don't want to criticize Islam lately. It's like these cartoonish Muslim characters. Okay? That's not how I feel about culture. Isn't that just as much a cult as any of the other ones? Being progressive is a cult, for sure.

The hardcore lefty stance is a cult. I mean, there's shit that fits in and doesn't fit in. It's like when it comes to gun control and these horrible fucking mass shootings that have been going on lately, everybody's answer is always gun control from the left. And everybody from the right is, they need to arm people to make sure that this can't happen

because you're not going into an unarmed area. And that if people had guns of their own, they would know, you know, they couldn't just do this. I mean, you know, it's a complex issue. So it's but anyone from the left never recognizes that. It's always it's always gun control. You fucking and all right, people, are you happy? You know, you can fucking believe this shit. Why do you need a gun? Why do you find a new hobby you don't need to hunt find a new well it's really interesting

to discuss this topic um because we just moved to nashville and that's a gun town there's guns everywhere and um i have friends that carry concealed weapons um there's there's this one girl she's like this super hot chick and she's always got a little pistol in her purse like no big deal good for her um but i think that something that's um you know maybe i'll tell you at a later date um i think that uh you know it's it's a really interesting feeling to be in in a town in in a community with that and where i see it is that like we we've heard all these stories of like um don't worry mom dad I'm safe but um you know like our friend like friends of friends getting shot um people people being you know shot several like just all these different stories and you know there's a lot of crime um everywhere but you know they had they had this uh turn your gun in day to like try and reduce the

the firearm population but like at the end of the day like i'm not pro-gun or anti-gun i don't even know what i am but i'm just like i was thinking about it and i'm like the bad guys aren't going to turn their guns in you know and you know it's a noble it's a noble cause to to try and um alleviate violence of any kind but at at the same time it's like they're already there and i just don't see how they could go away but i don't i'm not making that fuck that's like a strong statement no well you're you're making a logical statement because the the real issue is not whether or not we change the laws it's whether or not people are willing to break those laws and the majority of crimes violent crimes with guns i believe in this country are committed

with illegal guns so it's already this weird situation. The kid who was in possession of these guns, these were his mother's guns. I mean, you talk about gun control. He violated a bunch of different laws before he ever left the house by just handling these guns and loading them and taking them out of there. They weren't his to fuck with. So he was violating laws. And then the question is, why do these things even exist? Why does someone need an assault rifle?

Those are legitimate questions. Those are questions that we really should consider. There's no doubt about it. But the idea that we need to take all guns away, like it's like, that doesn't make any sense. Like if people wanted to look at Timothy McVeigh did with a truck and some fertilizer,

people want to, they can kill people in, in a bunch of different ways with a bunch of different shit that you can get and there's plans for it on the internet it's amazing we really stop and think about it how many people there are that there's 300 million of us at least plus mexicans in this country and we only have you know this many crazy people weren't running around shooting people it's it's really kind of shocking. It's amazingly good, considering the numbers.

It's just when something does happen, it's so horrible and so heart-wrenching, and, you know, it fucks with our heads. The real statistics, though, if you think about how many people actually have guns and how many people are running around shooting people, it's amazing. It's amazing how behaved everybody is, for the most part. If you just look at the actual numbers of human beings, this is a crazy time to be alive. There's 300 million people in this continent

driving around in cars, getting stuck in traffic, and the amount of people that actually shoot people is relatively small. But when you compare it to other countries with stricter gun control laws, you see those numbers drop so much. So that's a hard comparison. But the issue is they've already had that. It's like the question of how do you take the guns. I mean, you'd have to go door to door.

You'd have to storm houses. It's like how would you eradicate the guns from our neighborhood the way they have in England? In England, they never really had it. So when you see low UK gun violence rates, it's like, yeah, they never really had the guns. Even the cops don't have them. They do.

They have them in case of extreme situations like American Werewolf in London. When the wolf gets out, that's when they bust it up. You can't fuck with a werewolf when you've got a billy club. Silly bitch. But you need a silver bullet anyway. I think there's arguments on both sides.

There's definitely arguments on both sides. But you know what the other argument is? The unsung discussion? What was this kid on? What was going on with his head? Was he medicated? Was he on who knows what from the time he was a child? Do you know how many fucking kids get put on Ritalin?

Do you know how many fucking kids get put on antidepressants at a young age? We live in strange times of just manipulating with human neurochemistry. And especially when you're mixing things, which people do. They'll take illegal drugs with legal drugs and it's a psychotic combination you know the zoloft and cocaine it's like it's famous for people going fucking berserk on it i'm gonna have to try that just kidding it's uh well it's interesting to know what was what was wrong with this kid what you know whether he had a mental illness whether he was uh whether he was medicated what was it was obviously

something fucking really wrong with him just to be able to do that just to be able to do physically what he did and shoot kids there's got to be something way wrong i wonder i was thinking about this the other day about like all these mass shootings and all the people responsible for them and you know i wonder if there were to be and i mean maybe they're already doing this and i'm foolish i don't know but if you were to you know dissect their brains and literally if there was like some sort of similar common thread of an excessive chemical or something or like hitler what about hitler finding out the bad you know like saying that that there was a human race like there's a right way to have a brain and

you know what i mean like like you have to be blonde blue eyes you know and anyone else you know so you're saying find like a common trait i was like i don't know what he's saying and i was like i can't tell if i'm gonna laugh or he's really finding a common trait of somebody that's fucked up in their head and putting them aside. I need to get you back on the provigil son. Give me some. You need to get yourself a good doctor.

This is such a difficult thing to talk about because it's a, it's horrific. It's horrific. Because it's still, everybody's, you know, it's so painful. And there, I think that the end of the day, there isn't anything that we're going to find out or be able to fix it, whether it's gun control or anything other than trying to be, as a community, more aware of each other.

We're talking about all these things about at your fingertips. We've got cell phones that do everything for us. I think people stop paying attention to things. Just the most rudimentary level of of human existence and and communication of just like really seeing someone and being in in touch with them and i think some people get isolated and more and more isolated and and i don't i don't fucking know you know i just i'll only speak for myself you know there's a lot of us and the problem is we we can't be looking out for everybody around us when we're not even in contact with them. We live in these communities where, you know, there's people that, there's a guy who lives right down the street from you.

He's two houses down. You wouldn't be able to pick him out in a lineup. That's me. I don't fucking know all my neighbors. You know, I live in a community of people that are basically strangers. And they're strangers to their community. And that's not how it used to be. There's something that happened to us when we invented automobiles and mass transit

and the ability to move along great distances is we don't live and work close. We don't have the same sort of community that people did before they had cars. And that's sort of how human beings were invented, or rather how human beings developed. We developed to grow up in these communities, tribes, where we all stuck together. We all hunted together. We farmed together. We gathered together. We raised each other's children.

And then someone figured out cars, and it just stopped. They just started like, let's live in the fucking east side, and let's drive up Crosstown. I want to live in the suburbs. I'd love to have a house in the mountains and then everybody was able to just go wherever the fuck they wanted to and then they would meet for work or go over each other's houses but the sense of community got further and further apart like i've had this conversation with some of my friends like why don't we all like live in the same neighborhood man you know why don't we do that wouldn't that be awesome if you lived across the street from me like can't

we make that happen? Let's find a place. We'd be trying to play basketball with you all the time. That would be fun. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could literally live in a community of all of your friends? I don't know anybody who does that. Except there's these guys, these mixed martial arts guys in Sacramento, Uriah Faber and all of his friends. They got a situation where they bought a bunch of houses in the same cul-de-sac i think and they just all live next to each other

which is awesome that's the way to do it i agree i think that'd be really cool but it's funny to talk about like tribal existence where where many of us have come from you know i think we've all come from yeah you know the The tribal existence was everybody worked together as woven into the same cloth, but everybody had a job to do and to hold up. And we're in a society where everyone's just an individual, for the most part. And it's really interesting to think about

if we were going to try to have a communal type thing again. I don't know. Well well we would have to if we lost our ability to travel distances that would would really fuck a lot of people up if something happened and society was thrown into chaos and we lost our ability to get oil and gas and that's not that it's not that far outside the realm of possibility you know if we look at the face of the earth like when scientists start like going into the past and see some of the cataclysmic events that have happened like you know the predate human beings there's been some some big ones like a lot of them like a whole shitload of

them and it's really possible that one could happen and if it did happen we would lose all electricity essentially forever for the rest of your life there'd be no more electricity because no one's going to be able to figure out how to fucking fix it without any real infrastructure available anymore and you'd have a few people that were surviving by living off the land you'd have a few people i mean that we could go back to that again like that one super volcano one asteroid there was an asteroid that just flew by. And the Chinese got these photographs of it. I retweeted it. Oh, it flies by every four years. And it's over a mile wide. It's a mile wide piece of rock that flies really close to us every year.

Or every four years. It's a mile and a half wide. Sorry. A mile and a half wide. What the fuck? So basically what's going to happen is friday when the end of the world comes and we've got some stragglers which will clearly be the majority of the will turn you know i feel like this is a real hot spot for um you know survivors

survivors yep that's right so we're gonna have to come up with a game plan of um you know i'll bring the canned goods and... Make sure the ratio is good, though. I feel like there's going to be a lot of dudes. Yeah, there's going to be a lot of sausage. You're going to have to bring a lot of booze. Big sausage factory. Not many breedable females.

Yeah, that's the problem. Some board games. We have to be real careful to really make sure we protect our genetics. You know? I mean, we really have the whole fate of the human race so now you're talking like hitler though a lot of good points he was just crazy if you had like i mean look if you had some real engineering of the human race you would have to do some culling right it's like when you you have a thorn or a rose bush and you have some fucking wacky branches, you got to trim them bitches.

We accept that. We accept that scientifically. We accept that in the nature world, the world of animals and plants, but we don't accept it with people. We, we connect emotions to the most horrific and fucked up amongst us. And we don't even want to kill them. You know,

we don't want to kill bad people. We don't want to prune them. We don't want to kill bad people. We don't want to prune them. We don't want to send them to the electric chair. It's barbaric. Lethal injection is horrific. We're no better than them. What are you doing, son? Sorry.

I don't know why this just started playing. Watching cowboy porn? No. I was looking for that asteroid, and then an ad came up on this website. Some dude just tweeted at us about a serial killer expert learns he has the brain of a killer. I don't know.

I probably shouldn't even talk about this right now. Yeah, I saw that. That was a documentary. Yeah, it was a guy who found out that he passed all the tests for being a sociopath or a psychopath, whichever one that is. I was going to bring this up earlier, too. There's this article.

It says, I am Adam Lanza's mother. It's it's about this woman or excuse me this woman is talking about her own son who has a lot of similarities between uh him and the shooter from this uh from sandy hook and there's all these my phone's kind of freezing here but it's talking about her struggles with him and you know the the diagnosis they're giving him, all the mood-altering drugs, and they just don't know how to handle a kid with this type of brain. And that's when it comes back to, we've been talking about this a lot, just like how do you approach the mental health aspect of this? And it's such an inexact science.

It's like how do you treat these kids if you don't really know what's going on, if the treatment is making them worse or better? And that's kind of the gray area that we're stuck in, it seems like. Right. Yeah, and we also don't understand why a person develops that way. What makes a person a sociopath? What makes a person a psychopath? Is it nature?

Is it nurture? Everyone's different. There's a gradient. There's a spectrum of different. There's people that are just a little crazy they're okay but they're just a little crazy and then there's people that literally don't see reality the way we all agree it looks right there's these people that you see them sitting on the side of the road and they're talking to themselves they're covered in dirt and

they haven't washed in a year and they're nodding back and forth and having conversations like okay what's that guy seeing what's going on i, he's having a fucking full-blown conversation with people that aren't even there. What's going on? What's going on there? And we don't exactly know. We know how to give him some drugs and make him not do that. We know there's something wrong with his firing mechanism

and his fucking noodle, but we don't exactly know what that guy's seeing. He could tell us what he'd be. He might be lying. He might be seeing some shit that he doesn't even like could tell us what he might be lying who know he might be seeing some shit that he doesn't even like talk about seeing dragons well i think if you were to take you know a considerable amount of mushrooms then you would know what he was seeing i doubt it i say we try it yeah well i see your point the last thing you want to do is get locked into a homeless dude's way of thinking yeah no, no. You become him. I think I take it back.

Can you imagine? People are pulling their brains out on LSD. Like that guy from Pink Floyd that they wrote that song, Shine On You Crazy Diamond. That's apparently about a dude who lost his mind on some LSD. You could fuck up. You could fuck up and go deep. And Suzanne just got nervous and reached for the markers. Oh, no, that's not nervous.

That's just straight. I'm accessing my pleasure energy. Your pleasure energy. How does that sound? The booze energy. That's the pleasure energy. I do love it. Everything's fine, guys.

Don't worry. It's, you know. Do you find there's a lot of resistance? Do you talking about loving it? That people are like, hey, maybe you've got a problem. You know what? Actually, I found this is really funny. We talk about booze all the time because we're boozers.

I'm not an alcoholic, but I love bourbon. I don't drink bourbon every day. But I talk about it because I'm comfortable that way. And we've had a few emails here and there. But I talk about it because I'm comfortable that way. And we've had a few emails here and there. Some dude was like, I saw you at your show when you were on tour. And you just looked so tired.

And look, drugs have torn into people. And I was like, let's just go right over this again. You saw me on tour. And I looked tired. That is a shocker. And kind of just had this whole... Just slipped in a van in a Wendy's parking lot. It was very sweet

and I'm not going to throw him under the bus to be concerned. Right. But it's... Well, you know, from his point, there's a lot of people that think that the life of a showbiz person is just fucking drugs

and barely keeping it together and stumbling on the stage the night that... You know. But dude, I know. I mean, at the same time, I'm fully aware of that side. Like I,

it does exist. It totally. And you, you know, I'm sure because it's like, when you're, when you're on the road and you're just moving all the time and you're never in the same place,

you're never in this, you're like, you're fucking lonely. You know, you're, there's just so much going on, like drinking, um, you you know there's a real competition repetition oh yeah because you're going to you're in a different club every night

but there's always and everybody wants to party with you yes but at the same time i i really um i don't i don't like like i love to drink but i don't i don't like being wasted i don't like not being in control and i don't like losing my voice. So there's like a balance, you know, and I'm just, I feel, I feel really lucky that I have a partner who is, you know, we, we do this together. Like if one of us was slipping there, there'd, you know, be a lot to, you know, handle, but we're pretty, we're probably slipping down together it's just like a slow erosion it's nice that you can count on each other it's nice that you both keep your shit

together i remember one time when we were really when we first started touring together ben got really drunk and i held he had really long hair and i held his hair while he puked and um i tied it in a ponytail so he looked like a like a yoga instructor and then like probably like a few days later i got i got a little drunk and i remember like i passed out with like my boots on and i remember like so i let a whole squad of these guys from the show in just went to town on her yeah that's really that's really funny i think you just contributed to rape culture i know so what i was gonna say i'm gonna call you out really joe really oh my god um it's cool that you guys can count on each other that you know you're both in it to you know to do the right shit you know to get it done that you know

you're both in it to make great music. It's like a lot of bands have an issue. There's like five guys. There she is. Wow, that is a large tap-tap. That's an amazing picture. Come on, that is the picture. And that, you can see it close.

That looks like it weighs like five pounds. We had to block out the nipple because apparently it almost sunk CBS when Janet Jackson whipped one out. Who knows what it could do to you stream but this uh this lady with her her tit out i did not ask her to do this okay this was the universe giving me a gift did it turn you on no well yes and no don't lie green the whole time yes and no it did not turn me on it did not turn me on sexually but it did turn me on socially because i knew i was going to post this online and people were going to go bananas.

I was very excited. I was like, I have to show people. This is going to give them great joy. I think this is the part where he started to lose his mind. I remember. I remember that. I lost my mind. Joe Rogan came out and whipped out my titty.

Brian, do you think she's alive now? Because that was like 2005. If you had to guess, do you think she's alive now? Because that was like 2005. If you had to guess, do you think that woman's alive? Well, she was eating meatball subs every day. I'm sure there's some cholesterol issues. Do they? Thank God. Those motherfuckers, they live forever.

That's good to know. But that was a real moment for me. Thanks, Dad. It was a great, great moment for me. dad it was it was a great great moment for me i wish you had that on video though that would be yeah it would be it would be awesome hd galaxy s3 video yeah but then i should probably sue me i wonder if she knows the pictures out there i wonder if someone's like girl do you do you know that your picture's online and your titty's out and you got a meatball sub in your hand? That ain't even me.

My wig don't look nothing like that. That is not me. That is not me, girl. I'm telling you. That was a veggie saying. Girl, do you know that there's pictures of you? You got your titty out and a meatball sub in your hand. And bitch, you look fat.

You look like Bigfoot. Look at that gut. Oh, that's a gut of a person who doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck. I think that's just a dick. No, no. That's not a dick.

That's a real tit, bro. Look at that. You can't make a fake tit like that on a man. Fake tits on men always look odd. And the nipples are never big enough. And you know that that nipple's the correct size. That's the thing about trannies. Oh, by the way, that way that's another tell us what you know about trannies joe people are people are please transphobic did you know that brian that's a new issue transphobia a lot of the progressives are going after people that are transphobic if you're

making any jokes about trannies really even saying trannies yeah Wow. Do they have a term? What do you say then? We need to be more sensitive. I'm fascinated. Do we talk about Buck Angel the last time we were on here? I feel like we did. We might not, but there's never enough talk about Buck Angel. There's never enough. We did a show with him.

No, you didn't. Yes, we did. No, you didn't. I'm telling you the truth. We were in we were in um toronto toronto asia i'm just kidding it's in canada um and we were it became a country well you confuse the shit out of people they're like really is toronto a country in asia as well um so we were up there with buck is Buck Angel from Toronto it was called

Idea City which is like TED Talks and it was a conference for it was really incredible and you guys

played music we did yeah we were playing with our friend Adam Cohen we were his band so we weren't playing as Honey Honey

which was kind of cool because I felt like we were just a bunch of hired guns oh that's kind of fun yeah playing banjo singing backup it was fun only when I go back and watch the videos I did not play well felt like we were just a bunch of hired guns. Oh, that's kind of fun, right? Yeah, playing banjos, singing backup. Just to be a musician?

It was fun, only when I go back and watch the videos, I did not play well. I'm not proud of my playing, but I'm fucking working on it, and I've gotten better, so, for the record. But anyway, we were... I don't know what good playing or bad playing is. Steve Martin's good. He's really good. Oh, my God, he's so good.

We got to see him in Nashville. Seriously? Yeah. Really entertaining guy. But anyway, Buck Angel. Buck Angel. The conference we were at uh was a three-day conference and um the theme was women and in all the the facets of like it was going through scientific evolution and you know in society and like there was anywhere from olympic gold medalists to doctors and psychiatrists and lawyers and an oceanographer. This incredible woman, Dr. Sylvia Earle.

I love her. And then they had two different trannies, transvestites. Yeah, don't be transphobia. You don't want to call them trannies. Dude, man, just be you. I don't give a shit. You know you can't call people twinks anymore? Why not?

Adam Cohen, the guy who's the head of Bravo, had to apologize. Is that his name? The guy who's the head of Bravo. He made a twink joke and he had to apologize.

I'd like to see him try to stop me, Joe. He had to apologize to the twink neighborhood, the twink community. Listen, old Greg had a mangina. I support him.

Anyway, so... Buck Angel. So Buck Angel... You should explain to people what don't know what the fuck we're talking about buck angel is a very famous transvestite um transsexual excuse me who's a woman um but is is almost as jacked as joe rogan um and uh just a massive frame of of a of a man of a you know typical man but actually is a woman. And does porn, right?

And does porn. Holla. And is married to a woman. Holla. But, which makes me wonder, does that make him a lesbian? Well, he does porn with girls or guys?

With guys, which I did, maybe girls too, but I did the, I did myself an unsolid, and I was like, oh, I'm curious, because I was really fascinated by Buck Angel's talk. Brian, you know what you do. So I went online, and I looked up some Buck Angel porn,

and it really kind of messed me up because I saw him in the elevator the next day. And I was just like, oh, God. I'm so confused. I'm just confused. So did it feel like gay porn? What did you feel like you were watching? Well, it was just like, it was a total shaved vag.

And it was just so, it was like, you see the top frame, which is all, he looks like a lumberjack. He's got a goatee. He's tatted up. He has huge muscles. And he lives his life as a man. So I feel you know it's right to call him him

because he I think that's what he prefers and he was great like he was fucking cool like I liked hanging out with him but like you know after I saw him

getting pounded by a dude that looked just like him into his vagina I was really confused oh my god oh there's Buck on the right that's Buck that is so crazy

look at him he's fucking huge. That really does look like a fucking dude. That's amazing. I love this song. I mean, that's a... That's a big guy. That's crazy.

Brian added that song, by the way. Did you really? If you go look for that... Brian, that's fucking brilliant, dude. Yeah, he does that on everything, that son of a bitch. Good job. If you go to that actual video, you will not get that full experience. Someone needs to make that

mix. But yeah, that looks like a big dude. Yep, and there's no D downstairs. But does he have like an enlarged clitoris at least? But also, really, really excited that he has this project going. I just want to reach out to you kids and let you know that I really had a tough time when I was a kid.

People didn't understand me. People didn't get that I felt like a guy. I got teased. I was in fights constantly. I was isolated. I didn't know who to reach out to. I tried to commit suicide. Oh, God.

Okay, enough, Buck. You're bumming me out. I wanted to watch you suck some dicks. I didn't want to watch you cry. You're acting like a little bitch. Oh, no. Okay? Oh, no.

All right, settle the fuck down. You're insensitive. This is more transphobia. You guys are cave people. I'm'm gonna throw up my vegan pizza now oh that's fun that's anyway moving on listen it takes every kind of people to make this world go around i think we learned that in the 70s and uh buck angel good on you go get that so then there was another transvestite that was transsexual. Excuse me.

I'm using the wrong word. Yes. Vestite is just a pretender in a dress. Forgive my ignorance. Just a man in a dress. Look, I live a sheltered life. When you go and get your shit snipped, that's when you move into the wonderful world of people that made the commitment.

No, I don't understand. Ben, what was the name of the other transvestite? Nina Story. So there's all these hormonal treatments that they have to undergo and they have to get them every week or every month i think so how do you afford that it's a good question i wonder if um people's insurance companies pay for it oh boy i bet they do i bet let's find out okay let's google i bet they do i bet this is something that people have been trying there There's a lot of transgenders in this country that are really in a bad place,

and they do not have the money to be happy. And if they were just to switch their gender, and I think that as a community, we should be doing that for them. Can we give this person a name, this character? This is my ultra-progressive dickwad. What's the name? I don't know.

Curl it, whatever you want. Kami, Jill, She shelly it's a man named shelly um what am i looking for i'm looking i'm looking for insurance companies pay for sex change okay insurance and look at buckstar vagina also if it is guys this could be good for everybody i don't know why i said that what's wrong you? Trying to keep up with our retardedness. I think so. Well, I think I'm feeling warm. Insurance company to pay for sex change.

Bam. A Queens woman trapped for 34 years in a man's body wins a battle with her insurance company that balked at paying for her sex change operation. Wow. A Queens woman. I love how they, first of all, this is like really shitty journalism.

Really shitty. New York Daily News. You don't say, a queen's woman trapped in a man's body wins a battle with your insurance company. No. No, no, no. You say,

transsexual man who became a woman wins a battle with an insurance company. You don't say, someone trapped in a man's body. How about, maybe she's not. Maybe you hang out with her for a couple weeks and go, oh, no, this is just someone who's fucking crazy.

You know, isn't that possible? No, you've made this like huge judgment and painted this in a very biased way. Although she does look like a chick. There's gotta be some people out there that have had actual sex changes and then tried to go back. Yeah, I'm sure.

I'm sure people were bummed out. I remember this one, this guy got really bummed out because he couldn't cum anymore. He realized that he was never going to cum. Well, that was what Nina Story talked about. Nina Story is a famous transsexual that was also at this conference,

the ever-mentioned conference. And she had undergone how many surgeries, Ben? She was addicted to plastic surgery. She'd gone under like 60 times under the needle. Oh, God. But she did something that was really interesting. She chose to have her body be a canvas, and she documented the whole change so she's she has

videos and there is i think she has a book nina story oh my god what have you done and and it's funny because like you look at her and she's just like this unbelievable like she has a figure like jessica rabbit she looks like jessica rabbit. And it's interesting. It's just like it's a fascinating visual. And she was really intense, and she was talking about her power and her energy, and she had this really crazy voice. I think this is the wrong person. There's another Nina story that's a singer.

Is it not Nina story? No, it's another chick. Okay, then we're fucking done. It's just a chick who sings. You fucking ruined her life. A vocalist. Audio clips, lyrics, another chick. Okay, then we're fucking done. It's just a chick who sings. You fucking ruined her life. Oh, no. A vocalist. No, man.

Audio clips, lyrics, concert schedule, photos, a style incorporating pop blues, funk, alternative rock, jazz, and soul. What does it say about her penis? Plus, I used to have a dick. Oh, no. I think it's a different person. I think it's a different person. Did you find it?

Did you find it? Oh, Buck Angel. Oh, what is that oh no don't show me buck angels in large clitoris is it enlarged yes it's quite funky okay i'm gonna look up nina's story why did you have to do that don't you don't you understand it makes me uncomfortable why it's just it makes me so confused don't be okay don't be but but that was what they both talked about was that and and i don't blame them they they said that they didn't want to go with the full sexual transformation because the propensity of losing your orgasm was very high

and who wants to lose that but how are you gonna look like a chick if you still have a dick you know i mean you're gonna if you want to really be a woman and pretend you're a woman, you're going to have to give something up. You're going to have to give up shooting loads. Yeah, it's called a mangina. You're going to have to give up shooting loads. Never. No?

I think if a woman, you know, if a man wants to be considered a woman, you can't have a dick, okay? If you want us to call you she. You know what's really funny, you guys? I was tempted to tell my parents to listen to this one. I was like, because they haven't listened to the previous two that we did here and i was like i bet today's going to be different because i feel like i feel like everything's cool yeah you don't really are you sure it's not nina arsenal that's it maybe nina arsenal nina arsenal dude nina story we are

sorry nina story ninaie, we're so sorry. Sweetie. I'm sure. Please go support Nina Story on iTunes. Go buy her shit. We apologize. Nina Arsenal. I'm sure your twinkle's doing great. He does look like a crazy Barbie doll type thing.

Oh, Jesus Christ. The silicone diaries. Okay, so I guess that's his thing. What's really amazing is the body language. She still moved like a dude. Oh, stop before I puke. No, she didn't. She did.

I thought she was very feminine. She sat down like this. Well, she said that because she said that when she would open her legs to you, that was her power energy coming at you. Wow, power energy.

She didn't sit like a... That was like her opening up her metaphorical hole. Oh, my goodness, son. My goodness. It's a real deal. Joey Diaz and I were in Vegas once. A transsexual showed us the package.

Mrs. Rogan was there as well. And she got a chance to look at it too. And Joey said it best. He said, it looked like a bat with its mouth open. Oh, my God. It looked like someone had slammed an mouth open. Oh my God. It looked like someone had slammed an apple core into someone's cock.

It's like, you don't need that anymore. Let me just scoop that bitch out. And then pull some ball skin over the hole and like stitch it. It looked like an empty hole where a dick used to be.

Oh wait, it was a, it was a, yeah dude. And it's in the wrong spot too, by the by. Have you ever noticed that? Yeah. Was it fake vaginas and they're in they're more towards the front than the real vagina you know real vagina sort of tucked tucked a little bit further back

well it tastes different they're a lot more salty they're fake ones come on come on what are you doing you're fucking kidding me you're kidding me, you can't show tits on news streams? But you could show that. Well, that wasn't real. It just looked like it was something sexual. But it was just a dude with his hand being silly. Maybe you guys can fucking exercise the horrible feelings and thoughts in this room and sweep them out of here with a song.

Can you do that? Because this conversation has gone dark. Yeah, can we? It's been a dark one. This was a dark one. Well, somehow or another, we started out. We started off so well with dogs. It was like dog world, dogs, people weeing on each other.

And it was okay. I mean, it was a quick descent from there. But we got the school shootings, I think, that led us to a dark place. Then we tried to recover with some humor. Transsexual dog. Yeah. I'm exhausted. Crazy. Got a little place. Then we tried to recover with some humor. Transsexual talk. Yeah. I'm exhausted.

Crazy. Got a little crazy. Well, you guys brought up the Buck Cherry. Buck Cherry. Also a different. Yeah, you guys are great. I'm so glad you just said Buck Cherry. Buck Angel.

I mean, Buck Angel. Do you guys know Buck Cherry? I've seen him. Don't know him personally. Do you? Oh, okay. You don't have like a Buck Cherry story? I've seen him. Don't know him personally. You don't have a Buck Cherry story? I like that cocaine

song. I've never even done cocaine, but that song's great. I guess he got it. He loves the cocaine. You know what the new thing is? Liquid cocaine. I've seen a lot of people having this liquid cocaine where it's in a nose spray thing

and you just spray it in your nose. No way. That is crazy. So it's in like a like a nose spray thing and you just spray it in your nose no way yeah that is crazy and so it just looks like no so it looks like you're doing like you're just cleaning your nose yeah you're just doing oh my god so these people just carry them around in their purse and you're just like it's crazy wow and i guess it's better also for you it's healthy it's like it's really clean and good for you It's like the e-cigarette with the fucking Stephen Dorff commercial. Guys, let's take back our ability to do coke in public.

Let's take back our freedom. Have you seen that commercial? With Stephen Dorff? Oh my god. It is possibly broke the douchebag scale. It might have broken the douchebag scale. It might have broken the douchebag scale. Brian, pull it up please while we're waiting for beautiful

Suzanne to urinate. This is a video. Blue Cigarettes. Stephen Dorff commercial. Blue Cigarettes. It is easily the douchiest commercial in the history of the world. He's in black and white. He's smoking an e-cigarette. Take his freedom back, man. What's his thing? How come we know Stephen Dorff? He's in black and white, okay, and he's smoking an e-cigarette. Take his freedom back, man.

What's his thing? How come we know Stephen Dorff? He was in Blade. Okay. Was that his breakout role? Not his. I mean, he did a lot of movies, but he was in Blade. I mean, he was the fucking head vampire in Blade.

From there on, it's been a downhill slide to the point where, and no disrespect, and he's like, what about you fear factor guy listen we're just talking about reality here son don't get upset you're building i probably would have done that commercial too that cigarette commercial if they paid me enough yeah why the fact why not who knows but once you see it you're just like whoa you got to be really unaware to write this to ask someone to do it forget about him look at this wait till you see this i'm tired of being a walking brian stop with the music i'm tired of being a walk walking asterisk negative two i'm tired

of feeling guilty every time i want to light up. Negative, one. I'm tired of being a walking asterisk. Negative, two. I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up. I'm Steven Dorff. I've been a smoker for 20 years. Hold on, pause this. Suzanne must see this. You've got to see this.

Hurry up and sit down. The Steven Dorff cigarette commercial. Have you seen this? No, I haven't seen it. I've seen the ad. It's the douchiest commercial. Oh, you broke your leg. It's the douchiest commercial. Oh, you broke your leg. It's the douchiest commercial in the history of the human race. I don't think there's been a

douchier commercial. It's for Stephen Dorff for electric cigarettes. Look at this. I'm tired of being a walking asterisk. Negative, too. I'm tired of feeling guilty every time I want to light up. I'm Stephen Dorff. I've been a smoker for 20 years.

And I just found the smarter alternative. Blue E6. Blue lets me enjoy smoking without it affecting the people around me. Look at this, look at this. Not tobacco smoke. That means no ash. And best of all, no offensive odor. With blue, you can smoke at a basketball game if you want to. And how about not having to go outside every ten minutes when you're in a bar with your friends? The point is you can smoke blue virtually anywhere. Oh, that's so dumb. Oh, I don't like this.

I don't like it. We're all adults here. It's really bad. It's time we take our freedom back. It's time we take our freedom back. I like how he looks away. He paused away. Looked away. Stop it with the music, you fuck.

Look at him. Look at him. He's with the music, you fuck. Look at him. Look at him. He's looking cool, black and white. That is so unbelievable. It broke the douchebag scale. It literally broke the douchebag scale. It's black and white for no fucking reason. I'm shocked.

There's no reason for that. It's an artistic choice, man. I'm going to do this commercial, but I want it to be arty as fuck. Oh, no. I want to look like jack carrow i have to be honest with you i smoke electronic cigarettes because there's nothing wrong with smoking i wouldn't i don't like to tell anyone or do it in public because i'm i'm embarrassed but like i i'm satisfied because i'm not smoking regular cigarettes because i love them but

they're bad for me it's well i don't think electronic cigarettes but that was that was one of the douchiest things i've ever seen in my life. It's ridiculous. And I feel like I need to take a time out. No, listen. I support the idea of electric cigarettes. The idea of electric cigarettes, I totally support it, but that approach,

the cool guy on the beach in Malibu. It's not cool. That's the thing. Someone should get up there and be like, hey, I do this, but it's pretty fucking gay. But the image that they're trying to portray is this man who's rugged with his stubble by the ocean with a seaman's jacket on. He has this fucking Jack Kerouac look to him.

He's going to go write the great American novel. He's just so cool to be around. Goes to the local bar and they all know him by name. Me and Buck Angel like to smoke cigarettes on the beach. Meanwhile, comes out that Buck Angel's pregnant with Stephen Dorff's love child.

That's another thing. What if Buck Angel got pregnant? I don't know. I don't know if you can anymore. It would be dragons. That's where dragons come from. When societies figure out how to turn a man into a woman then a guy fucks it and then it gets pregnant a dragon is born i think i saw that in game of thrones where is it game of thrones coming out in march it's is it yeah oh you just

made me excited about march i can't wait now the end of the world can't come it's you know what i don't i honestly i'm gonna take back what I said before. About what? I think we're okay. I think we're okay. I really do. We're okay. But the aliens are coming.

Well, I think the aliens are already here. I know. If you get in an isolation tank, they'll talk to you. Did you? There's that show. I fucking love this. I haven't seen it. I don't even know what the show's called on ABC.

What show? The Neighbors or something where it's about aliens and they come to life life no they come to earth that's what they do from er i'm not sure all i know is my friend told me about it and i forgive me if i miss misquote myself but the the show is about these aliens that come to earth and they look like people and they don't have very uh they don't have like substantial up-to-date information on how to integrate themselves into the human society they have this like sports almanac from 1985 so they all give themselves names like jackie joiner kersey and like larry bird and kareem abdul-jabbar and it's like a six-year-old white kid and his name's kareem abdul-jabbar

i could be totally wrong i've never seen the show but my friend was telling me about it and I thought that was funny. That's kind of funny. The end. Yeah, that's how the aliens come. Six-year-olds that pretend to be black athletes. Dude, I would. Yeah, that's how you do it.

Confuse the fuck out of everybody. Before you guys get started, I've got to give a shout-out to the Float Lab. The Float Lab in Venice, California, the premier isolation tank people, builders in the country. They're on the West Coast. If you're ever in California, if you're in San Francisco, take a flight down.

Trust me. You need to see what these guys are doing. They're taking isolation tanks to the next level. They just installed a new one in my basement this week. It's crazy. You've got to come see it. We've got to make a new video. Remember that last video you made?

Let's make a new one. Because this new one's insane. And I want to take care of them. If you're in Venice or anywhere near it and you can get there, I think it's only like 40 bucks for an hour and a half or something like that. They're very reasonable. And without a doubt, they have the best equipment on the planet Earth. This new one they put in my basement is eight feet long and six feet wide.

It's huge. You could have a party in that, bitch. Buck Angel and Buck Cherry together. If Buck Angel got pregnant from Buck Cherry, that might be the apocalypse.

If you had to be in the isolation tank with all of them and Stephen Dorff. Yeah. Ow! You're a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good, I'm on top of it. Hey, get off me.

Get off me, man. I'm trying to be cool by the beach, man. I don't think what you're doing is cool at all. Get it together. Good for you. Electronic cigarette. Trying to be guilty. Trying to be guilty about lighting up.

And you can light up at a basketball game because you know me, man. I like to go to the game. Hang out with the guys. Have a beer. Why does your man vagina smell like Jay Moore? What exactly does Jay Moore smell like? I don't know.

Buck Cherry. Buck Cherry. Buck Angel. By the way, I'm a Buck Cherry fan. Don't get it twisted. Right. I like Buck Cherry. That crazy bitch song, when I think about my ex-girlfriends, all of them, they could

play all my memories of every chick that I dated until I was like 26 and throw them together with a Buck Cherry song, that crazy bitch song. Just all my memories of every crazy one of them. Splice them all together. So, respect to Buck Cherry. And respect to Buck Angel. Fuck it, man. If you really feel like you were a dude, fuck it. Get in there, son.

You've done a great job of looking exactly like a dude. You know, if you were in jujitsu class I wouldn't want to roll with you you look quite big I don't have to deal with that kind of

fucking horsepower would you shrimp out I would do I would hip escape try to hip escape you know what we did on Saturday night this past weekend

inside shrimp out joke we went to an amateur wrestling night in Nashville Tennessee oh that was Friday night that sounds awesome those things that was our second one we went to an amateur wrestling night in Nashville, Tennessee. Oh, that was Friday night. That sounds awesome. Those things, that was our second one.

We went to one in Cleveland this past year, like three months ago by default. And it is an unbelievable thing. It's a social experiment, right? It really is. And it's, for some reason around like really big dudes, like something happens to me where like. It called ovulating i think it is i swear to god because i like okay one time i was in las vegas with my whole family by the way because we all like to drink and gamble um and we were at the rio and it was christmas time and all of a sudden all these chippendales came out with santa claus and

i was like oh my god and i got pulled onto stage and I couldn't do anything except go because they picked me up and they're just so big and I just kept touching their arms and I was like oh my god did your your hormones start firing over time I can't say I'm a real like I'm a real I'm a real personality kind of girl. So the whole thing, I think just the actual visual is such a shock to my system of like a big dude. He's like picking me up in his shirts off and he's hairless and greasy. But were you willing to let it go and like accept the fantasy? Oh, yeah. It was a total fantasy.

Total magic Mike on this motherfucker? Yeah. I mean, and I don't know. In my mind, he's probably hung like a field mouse and I was fine.'m just oh in your mind no way to rationalize it i was like yeah there's nothing this is this is all wrong this is all wrong but there's something because your personality girl the big dude yeah oh yeah i mean but the big dude thing is such a like crazy phenomenon so if you could go into a parallel dimension which could never be accessed again and those chippendales guys could just run a train on you. But no one would ever know.

You would be cool with that. I don't know about that. As long as you could just let it go. It's not even real. Only if they held me afterwards. It doesn't even exist. And after it's over, you go right back to the moment where you thought up that idea. You're the only one with the memory.

It's all good. You know, if we had some deep talks and they held me afterwards, I think I'd be cool with it. It's tough to find deep talks from the Chippendales guys. Probably a lot of Chippendales guys are listening to this podcast right now and now and they're going bro okay if you were in my shoes dude you know what let me tell you something magic mike fucking got me going i

was into it but any horror i digress any more we were at the we were at the um the amateur wrestling night and there was one of those dudes and it was like he he was not obviously he he wasn't grade a top choice uh muscle meat for me but he was really interesting and there was like he he was not obviously he he wasn't grade a top choice uh muscle meat for me but he was really interesting and there was like personality i would i disagree but um grade a top choice muscle meat how do you uh how do you define that do you have like it's it's all like he wasn't are you looking for like a brock lesnar type character like what is your grade a i'm not sure who that is but i like that name. Brock Lesnar, former UFC heavyweight champion.

See, this is not my, this is not my realm. So I need some help here. He kind of looks like the Russian dude in Rocky. Yeah, he looks like a Viking. Like,

he looks like, I'm into that, you know? He's come here on a boat with a fucking sword in his hand, hops off to the beach. To pleasure me? Not really.

Yeah, he'll probably cut your head off after he fucks you. Yeah, no, I don't know about that. But while he's fucking you, it'll be like an experience.

This is so bad. I cannot believe I was going to tell my parents to listen to this podcast. I hope to Christ they don't. I'm sorry, guys. Mr. and Mrs. Honey Honey, we really apologize if you're listening right now.

We didn't mean to paint her in such an unfavorable light. They can hang. This is all just play. We're playing. This is entertainment. In real life, I would never talk to your daughter like that. She's a beautiful human being

and I respect her very much. But on the podcast, we've got to take our shots for entertainment. And that's where the whole gangbang run a train Chippendales in the parallel dimension thing came from. I don't want that to happen. I don't think Suzanne wants that to happen either.

They were there! But afterwards, what did they say to you? I don't think anybody knew what to do. Because I was just like, wow. I was high. I mean, they picked me up. They picked me up. Right.

Did that feel good, though? Oh, yeah. Because I'm tall and winky. And that doesn't happen very often. Like I can manhandle you? Yeah. Yeah. Women want that shit. That's your DNA crying out. That's why a dude doesn't happen very often. Like I can manhandle you? Yeah. Yeah. Women want that shit.

That's your DNA crying out. That's why a dude doesn't want the opposite. A guy doesn't want a chick who carries him upstairs. Like, what the fuck? If a girl picks you up and carries you upstairs to fuck you, you're like, okay. You're already defeated. How many times has that happened to you, Joe? I don't think it's ever happened to me yet, but...

Mrs. Rogan. Life is young. Things can happen. People can get crazy. Yeah, but a man doesn't want a happened to me yet, but... Mrs. Rogan. Life is young. Things can happen. People can get crazy. Yeah, but a man doesn't want a woman to carry him, right? Have you ever had a dude carry you, Ben? A girl, rather, carry you, Ben? Not in a sexual sense.

Maybe just around town. Just around town? I've hopped on a few backs, I think. Wow. Yeah. You've got to be really confident that someone doesn't fall backwards. Yeah, piggyback rides and stuff. you gotta be really confident that someone doesn't fall backwards I'm not confident especially when people are grabbing your ankles I have a picture of you and two more of your friends he's a big guy

two more of your friends? he picked up three people? three able bodied adults although the lady was on the small side what's the small side? 100 pounds? she's probably like a 5'2 that's a lot he's a big dude he's like your seven foot bro wow yeah that's what there's there's some big humans

out there it happens honey honey what are you gonna play for us what do you want to do first excuse me what i literally just said. Okay. Here we go. Because the other one's sad. Yeah, no sadness. This is a cover. We did too much sadness. No, the other one, it's uplifting. Obviously. This is a song by Radiohead that we wrote. You ready?

I think so. Fucking don't start without me. I just borrowed this guitar. I don't want to hit this thing. Okay. We're just gonna go with it. Yeah, let's do it, Benny. You ready? Yeah, is that okay?

Is that okay? Here we go, bitches. One more time. One, two, three, four. The cat gets your tongue Your string come undone One by one One by one How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong?

Won't take my eye off the ball again First you wheel me out and then you cut the string Could this change? It used to be alright What happened? It's time It's time, it's time Fats for whatever Fifteen steps and a sheet of dry How come I end up where I started?

How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong? Won't take my eye off the ball again First you reel me out and then you cut the string Thank you. How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong? Won't take my eye off the ball again First you ripped me out and then you cut the string How come I end up where I started? Just you rule me out and then you cut the string How come I end up where I started? How come I end up where I went wrong?

Won't take my eye off the ball again Just you rule me out and then you cut the string Well then, that was fucking difficult That was awesome That was really cool That's very cool Very different for you guys It was weird

Love it Love it That's a really interesting Take on that song too You know we We haven't played that As a duo Which was scary

Oh really We played with my roommate This very very talented musician, Ben Lewis. And we did it a little trio style. And he played mandolin and sings. So it really sounded bluegrass. Is it still scary for you guys? I mean, when you think you guys perform so much together, I would think you have almost like a sort of an ESP

when it comes to doing a song together and you know how to like ebb and flow with each other. Does it like when you, like a song like that where you haven't done as a duo before and you were just doing it. Yeah, because you don't want it to suck. What?

It's not going to suck. What? You do want it to suck? No, but I mean, especially if you're going to cover a fucking Radiohead song, you want to like do it some justice. I think that was like a B minus. What did you think? Oh, that was great. Shut the fuck up. Don't judge yourself. Okay. There you go. You want to do it some justice. I think that was like a B minus.

What did you think? Oh, that was great. Shut the fuck up. Don't judge yourself. Okay. There you go. You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You sounded really good. Radiohead, they release all their shit online, right? Do they do that? I don't know. They do both now. They did at least one of their albums online, yeah. I think they were the first big band to say, name your price.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. So how do they do that? They just say, like, you put up a PayPal account or something like that, and say you can give us a buck, or you can give us 50 bucks. Didn't they make over a million dollars? Yeah, yeah, they made so much money.

Do you think if we do that, we'll make millions of dollars, too? I don't think we're quite there yet. I don't know. Maybe we should try. I like the idea. Do you guys feel a build up? Do you feel like your crowds are getting larger? Your Twitter followers are getting more?

Are you getting more attention? Do you feel it? We're kind of cruising right now because we're working on this record. So we haven't been going out much. We haven't been touring that much. And it's not a lot. It is a lot because we're not touring. You're just creating new stuff.

When you do that, do you take It is a low because we're not touring. You're just creating new stuff? Yeah. When you do that, do you take time off the road and you just say, okay, we have to set aside X amount of weeks? How do you do it? When you decide you're going to? We keep trying to set deadlines. No, we're setting deadlines. So we're going to be recording by late February,

but we still have a lot of work to do. We have a lot of writing that we haven't done yet. It's so funny. Last time we were here, we were doing the Kickstarter stuff, and in between we've been making all the rewards, all the people who donated to the campaign. Oh, the videos and stuff. There's a fuckload of haikus, man.

Let me tell you something. That's hilarious. It's been really, really fun and a lot of work. But the actual, and it's just the two of us. Nobody's helping us with it, which is really, really the truth. And each person, 90% of them, we don't know who they are. And it's such a cool feeling. Someone gave us, people giving us $500 or even $25,

whatever the case, is a really amazing feeling. And then to write them their haiku. I'm stuttering. No, it's really cool. I hear what you're saying. It was fun. But we're almost done. And we've got a couple shows, things like that here and there.

But really, we're just writing. It's really cool. And these people are always going to have this connection with you now it's you know yeah it has been a good thing to see see all these names now we have all these names we know the names too like we have addresses we have we fucking know where you live it's really badass when you stop and think about it you might need to sleep on your couch it's so unusual you know if you really stop and think about it how often does a band get to do that? I mean, the Rolling Stones never got a chance to do that when they were coming up.

You know, who gets a chance to do that? No, but they hung out with the Hells Angels and no big deal. Is that okay? That's what we need to do is we need to get a motorcycle gang behind us. And I think that's just like straight to the tippy top. That gets like people stabbed. You got to be really careful with that shit. I mean, knives aren't so bad.

Just kidding. I make jokes. This is kind of a weird, maybe terrible thing. I got through the airport security with a knife yesterday. Somebody else just told me the exact same thing the other day. You did? I realized it was in my jacket. I said, fuck.

What are you carrying a knife for? What are you doing, man? It's a gift. You getting crazy? It's a gift. You out there? Maybe I have to shit on the fucker. When you're a What are you carrying a knife for? What are you doing, man? It's a gift. You getting crazy? It's a gift. You out there? Maybe I have to shit on the fucker. When you're a jet, you're a jet for life?

Exactly. I was snapping. Are switch plays making a comeback? Yes. I carry a knife on me all the time. Do you really? Yeah. Wow, you gangster.

You know what? Some packages are really hard to open, Joe. When you walk to your car, you want to open something, you got a little thread on your coat just listen don't think i don't appreciate it if i was a chick i'd be armed as fuck you know i i didn't really think about it as much until i moved to nashville and i i'm alone a lot of the time so it's like never mind i'm fine i'm totally armed i have a big dog um just pulled their pants off dude i'm fucking alone a lot of time when did you start dating

from the beginning oh Suzanne please stop sorry that's my giant horny redneck that sees you at the supermarket I'm a I will fight to the death if I have to you know I like how you roll you gotta do what you gotta do it's getting hard living in Nashville is uh better worse different I I'm gonna say better yeah better in the sense that uh from a you know I'm here to play music vibe like you get so much more for your dollar it's a very affordable town there's incredible musicians on every corner that are welcoming and inspiring and helpful. And we have all these friends that help us with just getting integrated. And I really like it. It's funny.

I was telling Red Van earlier. He's like, how are you doing? And I was like, you know, I'm great. And I love LA. I really do. But the minute I got on the 10 and I was stuck in traffic, I was in a foul mood. Really? Yeah, I just wanted to get here.

I wanted to go pick up Ben across town. It was funny. It took so long to get here. I left at 12.30. Wow. And I don't know. There's just something about Nashville that I really... Our productivity, I have more energy.

I go to the Ymca like four times a week i mean things are look at this what's happening so you have more time more time much more time why is that um pace is so much slower there just in general it's a smaller town there's not as many people we know fewer people you can get around easier yes ben lives like a mile and a half from me which is nice see again you guys are moving to a new place. Why don't you move right next door to each other? You're crazy.

Why not create a little community? Well, you know what? We kind of are right next door to each other. Yeah, I mean,

I couldn't tell you the last time I went a day without seeing you. Like a whole day. How does that feel? It feels great. I think you're really great. I think you're really funny

and you're so smart and talented and good looking. You're beautiful. What a great body. I like how you guys roll. This is beautiful. Do you have to resist that? Do you have to resist that?

You guys have been together for a long time. Do you have to resist romantic urges? No conversation. Going gay these days. No need to have this conversation. It's true. Ben's revisiting his life in the 90s. It's odd, though, to have a man-woman sort of equal partnership like this in a band that works.

Nobody winds up getting pregnant. Oh, my God. God, I'm so not ready for that. You know, I mean. Wrap it up. You guys are like bandmates, really good friends. That's a weird position for a man and a woman to be like really good friends, isn't it? In this day and age?

Well, yeah, because it's, you know, it's difficult in a lot of different ways because, you know, for the significant others that we date. That's a big one. Because we're so close. Creativity together is a very intimate thing. It's a rough road. Being a musician in general, because you either date someone in your band or you date someone not in your band that you never see.

Or you're with someone that you see every day there's like this like fine line do you ever do you ever date a guy and he's like the fucking ben guy never no that would be ridiculous that would be like how he looks at you when you say why would i want to date someone who didn't like my best friend i'd be like yeah unless he was a chippendale i might make some reparations yeah if he was a Chippendale I might make some reparations yeah if he was a Chippendale

no I wouldn't just those guys from that night if you could just relive it it would be a short-lived relationship

let me tell you well listen that's what you're looking for what are you trying to do you trying to fix the world

you're trying to have a good time okay what are you gonna do establish utopia start a new community no you're gonna get

your freak on with a bunch of fucking shave dudes what's the problem. A little baby oil and a big party. The smell of suntan lotion in the air. Oh, no. Right?

God, it's so funny. Leg shavers, all of them, too. Tan fellows. How does that affect you? I'm white as goat cheese. It's just like, it's amazing. I couldn't get a tan to save my life. No?

I've tried. Didn't work out well. Nothing. You burn? I burn, yeah. But you save my life. No? I've tried. Didn't work out well. Nothing. Do you burn? I burn very, yeah. But you have dark hair. I do. Yeah.

What is your nationality? Italian. I'm a Papa side, and my mom is Native American, Indian, and European. Huh. Yeah. That's kind of weird. So I'm going to live forever and be an alcoholic. Whoa.

Kidding. It was not true. Is that the case? Like, do you find that it runs in your uh community absolutely yeah i mean of course first of all whose family i want to know doesn't have alcoholism yeah come on but boring people but you know it's i mean it's it's true like every every culture has their physical relationship to it um genetically speaking um and i believe that the i'm a lightweight as much as i love to drink like i'm i'm kind of good after two

drinks i'm i'm pretty warm i my voice my volume gets louder um you know i start taking clothes off i'm kidding you're good for a party that was a lie um uh go up in in the most fucking classy kind of way bros that's all anybody's looking for the most classy kind of way period but um anyway yeah i hope i hope that i said that well and it was not offensive do you find uh it's easy to make friends in nashville you guys like meeting cool people and you enjoy it warm yeah it's an unusual town isn't it yeah and it's so it's i never realized how huge la was until you go to nashville and it really is a small town like we go out we're there two weeks and you go out and you're seeing people that you know um and you can get across town in 15 minutes and everybody just kind of wants to hang it's like a

big sitting on the porch beer drinking community yeah it's like i think that when towns get too big and there's a lot of great things about la there's a lot of i mean there's so many great restaurants there's so many places to go all my friends live here i love la but i really like smaller towns i i really love living in boulder i i really love portland you know i really love n. I really love Nashville. Nashville's badass. And there's like a better vibe. There's like, oh, the frequency in the air is less intense.

It's not death metal. It's like fucking piano music. You know what I mean? It's like you can relax a little. Like the frequency of the actual city itself. You go to New York, okay? New York is, it's red line. Everywhere you go, it's...

There's too many people. There's no way to avoid that. It's a crazy fucking town. It could take you an hour to drive across that stupid island. You know, a whole hour. Easily. Easily. Which should take you a minute.

You know, it should take you one minute. I tell you. So that kind of stress is going to definitely affect people socially and you don't get that in like a place like nashville and that in itself is better and that's what it feels like the pace of everything is slower you know so you can get more i don't know if you take advantage of it you can get more accomplished because there's not this constant scurrying that you feel like you have to at least i had felt like i had to do in L.A.

Yeah. It was like, get to here, get to here, get to here, get to here. And then nothing would actually come of any of these things. No, I feel that. I feel that constant scurrying. I've had friends like Eddie Bravo. He used to live in West Hollywood. And he liked living in West Hollywood because he felt like when he lived there,

the pace was like a faster pace because everyone was doing things. It made him feel like you had to get up and get things done. That is the last shit I need. I do not want that. Well, it's kind of like you have to get up and get things done, and then you can't get there on time because you have to wait. That's a difficult thing to digest. Do you guys do any ween covers?

No, but we talked about Piss Up a Rope last time we were here. We played it. Where'd the cheese go? Oh, is that it? Where'd the cheese go? Oh, that's great. I love cheese. You love cheese?

You know what's the sad thing about cheese? Oh, no. Joe, don't. Tell you what's the sad thing. Don't. In this fucking country, people are not allowed to use unpasteurized milk

to make cheese. You have to pasteurize the milk and homogenize it and boil it down and kill all the stuff that makes the cheese taste good. You ever have cheese in Europe? No. You've got to have cheese in France. You have some non-homogenized cheese in France from an old cheese maker. Some motherfucker really knows what they're doing.

You can get it in America. I mean, don't get me wrong. There's places in, we used to get some really delicious cheese. There's a place in Beverly Hills. It's like a straight cheese place

and I know they, it's probably like a Cuban cigars sort of a thing. Like, you can get Cuban cigars, but you gotta know people. They gotta know you first.

Then they slip you the non-homogenized, non-pasteurized cheese. The secret cheese? You have secret cheese access in Los angeles do you ever have raw milk do you ever drink raw milk i have yeah it's delicious it's okay and it's so good it's just okay you know raw milk with cookies you cannot go wrong warm a little curd with some

badass fucking straight from the teat yeah sitting on the lap of an elderly man couple pubic hairs if you get some badass cookies, some really good Nestle's Tall House type bitches, what is that place at the airport? Did you just say Nestle's Tall House cookies? Type bitches. Type bitches. Honey Bomb. What is that fucking?

No, not Cinnabon. Those cookies. There's a fucking famous cookie chain. They're amazing cookies. God damn, I can't remember okay hold on famous Amos no

Amos are pretty good but there's like cookies that you get like they're always at the mall are they gourmet cookies yeah yeah yeah oh Mrs. Fields

yes there you go Mrs. Fields and you know they have the ask me another one take a few of those just get some peanut butter

chocolate chips and you know what I'm gonna find a Mrs. Fields in this area in Pasadena we're to go there After this fucking show Wow

I need some cookies You can't go You got to go to Hollywood Look what's happening Oh my comedy special Comes out tomorrow Ladies and gentlemen Tomorrow it comes out

On JoeRogan.net If you go to JoeRogan.net It's available We're having a problem With the Amazon thing It was supposed to be ready today But it's not So hopefully it'll be ready

By tomorrow But if not The PayPal thing Will definitely still be ready I'd like supposed to be ready today, but it's not. So hopefully it'll be ready by tomorrow. But if not, the PayPal thing will definitely still be ready. I like it to be ready with Amazon so you can do that one click, which is awesome, by the way. I'm a huge Amazon one click proponent. So it'll be on JoeRogan.net. It'll be there. That's what it's going to look like.

You know, you got to enter in all your nonsense. And the special is something that I paid for it entirely myself, Louis C.K. style. I did essentially exactly what he did. I'm releasing it for $5. I think what he did, like, by setting that price is, like, really smart. I think it's really cool. And, you know, Louis is one of the best comics in the country. Why would you ask for more?

Don't be playing that. This is an outtake. Stop that shit. I know what it is, bitch. It's my show. But it's available tomorrow. And then there's like a whole thing explaining that I paid for it. Please don't steal it.

You know, of course, certain people are going to steal it. You're going to. But I think it's a reasonable price. I think this sort of model, like what we were talking about with Radiohead, what they did in allowing people to pick their own, I think... Stop playing my shit, dude. I wasn't playing my shit. How dare you? It's kind of cool to look at.

Look at the quality. It's film-free. How dare you? No, it's great. Positive Image Video did it. They're the same people that produced the UFC shows. And my friend, Anthony Giordano, he's the director of it. And he's the one who did my last one, Talking Monkeys in Space 2. And I'm really excited to do it this way for a couple reasons.

One, I think it's the best way to distribute things, to distribute them online, and to do it directly to your fans instead of having to go through Comic Central or any of these other... For a comic, to have an outlet to release your stuff, there's only a few options. You could do an HBO thing or a Showtime thing.

Unfortunately, you have to actually sit down with people when you do that, and they have to decide what they like about your material, what they don't like. That shit is whack. That is the worst thing about being a comedian is when you go to release your stuff and there's other people that have a say

or want to have a say or want to have a say in the actual content it's crazy it's the it's it's the they're the dumbest conversations i've had people get upset at the dumbest shit it's it's really it's it's mind-boggling and it's unnecessary and i think one of the things that is really important about art is whether it's a stand-up comic or someone who writes something or whatever it is, I love an individual's unique point of view. I love seeing the way a person puts it together, whether it's perfect or not. If it comes from you, I like that. I like knowing that you wrote all your jokes. I like knowing that you thought all these thoughts,

that you printed all those words. I want to be connected with your thoughts, your creativity, your consciousness. And the only way to do that is for a person to release their own shit, period. Whether it's a band to release their own shit or a comedian to release their own shit. As soon as you have some executive type characters

interfering with your creative process, you fucked you know you just are they that's not what they're supposed to be doing but when they can they will they get their dirty little greasy fingers all over your shit and they fuck it up inevitably and uh i guess that's not necessary anymore um because of uh this podcast we've essentially cut out doing most radio shows. I mean, I occasionally do radio, but it's not like every week like I used to have to do it. I don't have to do as many different interviews. You can talk directly to the people that enjoy what you do. And these are crazy times. This podcast alone has changed my life, changed Brian's life, changed Ari's life, Duncan my life changed Brian's life

changed Ari's life Duncan's life Joey's life changed all of our lives we're in a weird place right now and I think the only smart thing to do is just keep going in the same direction that's why I got this new studio set up

and that's why we're releasing things online like this and that's why we're all touring and we're all continuing to write material. And your special, by the way, is out right now. You could actually buy it this second, right? This right second, yeah. I'm not supposed to say that because they're trying to get everything in order, especially get the Amazon shit corrected,

but if you want to get crazy, go ahead, buy it, download it. It's supposed to be up. Don't say sorry. You didn't know. How did you know? Yeah, but tomorrow it's official. So wait for tomorrow if you like fucking opening up your presents in the morning.

If you're one of those dudes who still believes in Santa, wait until tomorrow. If not, yeah, you can go fucking get it right now. Five bucks. Please don't steal it. I paid for this shit. It costs like more than $100,000 to film. It's very expensive. Well, you did professional style.

Yeah, no, I didn't fuck around. And we did it at the Tabernacle in Atlanta, which is a beautiful, historic theater. It's an amazing, amazing theater. And it was important. I hadn't been to Atlanta in a couple years, so it was important to do it somewhere where I hadn't been for a while to cover, you know.

I hate getting emails from people like when the fuck you're coming back to vancouver trust me i want to come back to vancouver i just don't i haven't had a chance so that was an atlanta sort of a situation so it was really cool to be able to do it in atlanta and atlanta is uh does not get enough credit that is a badass fucking town i love atlanta and it's one of the like the most diverse, racially diverse towns. Atlanta's one of those places where you see a lot of black dudes wearing suits. Like a lot of like... Gator shoes, stuff like that.

Yeah, expensive clothes and driving... It's a weird thing. It's like there's a lot of black professionals in Atlanta. It's like the level of interaction between white people and black people, it's way higher in Atlanta. And that's a fucking real problem with L.A. L.A. is, first of all, kind of segregated. Second of all, it's such a car culture that people don't really,

it's not like on the subways in New York, people will mingle. Black people will mix with white people. Everybody gets together. People from all sorts of different economic groups are all together. In L.A., that's not the case. In L.A., there's like a lot of haves and have-nots. It's a lot of separation. And everyone's driving.

So no one's like on a train with a bunch of, you know, young kids. So it's a different sort of a vibe. I think we miss out because of that, you know. The idea that, you know, you get a little more less crime that way and it's a little safer that way. But you miss out on a little bit of the whole experience of being a human. In Atlanta there's a lot of mixing going on.

It was cool. I liked it. Saw a lot of black guys with white checks. A lot of that. Saw a lot of that. I saw a bunch of white dudes with black chicks too it was an interesting place I dig Atlanta but it was a really cool place

to do my special Tabernacle's great yeah it's pretty dope and that's the name of the special it's live from the Tabernacle because I'm not that creative and I couldn't come up

with a better name that's all I had in my wheelhouse I searched I found nothing and I decided to just release it so from Talking Monkeys in Space to live from a place house i searched i found nothing and i decided to just release it so taught from talking monkeys

in space to live from a place the last one i ran out of my good names do you do once you release this special do you stop doing that material live yeah i mean maybe on a rare occasion if someone yells something out i would do it just for fun you know but it's over yeah i gotta let that shit go move on to the next material. First of all, people are like, why did it take so long to release this? Because we filmed it on 4-20 in April. Part of it took that time because

I had a new website that just went live last week, and it takes a long time to get a professional website design company to build exactly what you want. The website traffic has been so crazy that it's gotten to a point where I needed something that was like a little bit more robust

and a little bit more functional. And then, you know, incorporating the podcast into it. And we're working on a totally new podcast website now. And that's like the next step. But it's the whole podcast thing. It's just, it's gotten so out of control. It's almost like, I don't know how brian if you feel about the same way i do but i always feel like i'm we're like on a fucking little boat

on top of some crazy wave and we're like whoa what do we need to do we need four fucking rafts okay let's get rafts you know like when we when we buy shit for the studio it's always like what do we need oh we need more of this shit we need more of this shit. We need more of that shit. And it just seems to be kind of growing on its own, and we're just kind of keeping up with it. This is a part of it. So these shows that we do, whenever I ask people, like how many of you guys listen to the podcast, about a year in, it was about 50%.

And now it's like 100%. Now it's crazy. And we're having the fucking time of our lives. I just want to tell you guys, as much as you people are enjoying it, we get these emails. We get these tweets and text messages. I get these emails every day that tell people, or people telling us rather, that the podcast has changed their life. And changed the way they think about things. And the conversations we've had with people like Dennis McKenna yesterday.

I talked to a guy today who told me he listened to it five times already. It came out yesterday. It was such a crazy fucking conversation. We are, just as you are, we're growing with these conversations as well. There's no other way Brian and I would have had the opportunity to sit down with all these people and have these conversations with them. They wouldn't just be willing to come meet us somewhere and sit down for three hours a day. It would be crazy if I was this dude who lived in a castle somewhere.

I need to converse with this man. Bring him to me. The only way you can really have a conversation, it has to be worthwhile for them too so they can get their message out. This whole thing has been a real symbiotic exchange. So when you guys, I can't say it enough. People keep telling me, this podcast changed my life.

I've heard it before and I appreciate the fuck out of it every time. And there's no other way to say it. We're blown away by this whole thing. We appreciate it. Is this like love music in the background? This is I've Had the Time of My Life. I've had the time of my life.

Is that Dirty Dancing? Yes. Oh, it's beautiful. Remember there was two albums? Don't put Baby in a Corner, okay? All right. So JoeRogan.net, go get it. It's available on PayPal and I think Amazon.

Hopefully Amazon's ready by today. It was supposed to be. If it's not, it should be around tomorrow. But that's it. Hi-ho. Go fuck yourself. Or not. I don't care.

Honey, honey. Honey, honey, would you like to play another song? Honey, honey would be joining us this Friday at the End of the World show. The first time we've ever done a show with a band, ever. Really? No pressure. Nothing.

Oh, shit. No, please, it'd be awesome. You guys, I believe, are the first people that played live in here, right? Weren't they? Yeah. Yeah, shit. No, please. It'd be awesome. You guys, I believe, are the first people that played live in here, right? Weren't they? Yeah. Yeah.

Everlast was second. You guys were first. We came before Everlast. Poppin' Cherries left and right. Dude. We love Poppin' Cherries. What? Holla.

What? I think you just contributed to rape culture again. No, no, no. That could be consensual. Buck Cherry and She's My Cherry Pie. Dude, hey, thanks for having us on here again. Please, we love you guys.

And the people that contact us online love you guys. We've talked to so many people that say thank you for turning us on to Honey Honey. We've met a lot of them, and they're awesome. Isn't that cool? It's so great. I don't know what happened, man, but we have the coolest fucking people in the world that are connected to us. I really don't get it.

I don't know how it took place. It's an amazing lack of douchebags. It's staggering. The actual douche numbers to cool people numbers, it's crazy. It doesn't exist anywhere else on the earth. We're creating utopia. It's pretty cool, and we appreciate appreciate it listen we we appreciate you guys you guys are awesome you're incredibly talented and like i said before we do whatever the fuck we can to promote you guys

thank you well speaking of i want to say that we have a show in cleveland my hometown on uh 12 26 that's the day after christmas at the House of Blues in downtown and I feel like it's like only half full right now powerful Cleveland get out there bitches so if anybody's in the

in the area we're headlining so we're gonna play for a nice nice chunk of time beautiful when you guys do a headline you said how long

do you play for I think we're gonna do 70 minutes yeah 70-75 that's a good number I'd like to do that on stand up too when I do more than that

I feel like I'm testing people's paying their attention you know they're like enough dude how much more you want attention well we talk a lot too

you know there's a lot of there's just you know do you guys have like Paul Stanley type banter Paul Stanley I don't know who Paul Stanley is Paul Stanley from Kiss

oh I've never seen that I was like is that a comedian I thought it was that guy that was like I don't know how many of you out there like to taste your alcohol?

Oh, no, but we should. You never seen that? Brian, pull some of that up. Paul Stanley introducing for Kiss before we play this song. I thought you were talking about Paul Schaefer. No, Paul Stanley from Kiss. Paul Stanley. Paul Stanley talks to the audience.

We're honey, honey, And we think you're great. No, you have to do it. You have to be totally fucking cheesy. Yeah, Paul Stanley talks to the audience. This is a short video of Paul Stanley talking and playing with the audience at a Kiss Alive 35 concert. That's Peter Criss. What Paul Stanley does, they've made CDs out of it.

The dude, whoever you are, that's made those CDs, I forget your name, thank you very much. This guy sent me a stack of them. They're hilarious. It's all Paul Stanley from In Between Songs. How many of you out there like to party? Like that kind of shit. It's like super duper

cheesy shit. Oh, some guy's got a laser. Bring that guy up here with a laser. Come here, schmuck. Schmuck? Come here, schmuck. No, you know, people know you're an old Jew when you're calling a guy schmuck and you don't have a shirt on.

Try to find that one Paul Stanley talks to the audience. Yeah, that's just so they could get rid of some douche bag. Is that it? That's amazing.

Yeah, how about that one? What was that one? Oh, that's another one. It's all... Anyway, my point is... I have no point. That's my point.

My point is he's a hell of a showman that Paul Stanley. Got it. Smart guys, my point is he's a hell of a showman that paul stanley got it smart guys those kisses they made a lot of money those kisses are you guys fans what kind of music did you listen to growing up i listened to i have a really really old dad so i was listening to like classical music and music whoa 20s and 30s and how, how old is your dad? He's super old. He's 91 now.

Whoa. Yeah. Wait a minute. How old are you? I'm 27. Holy shit. And this was before Cialis. Holy shit.

Five-hour boners. I'm praying for that. How old was your mom? She's 28 years younger than him. Whoa. God bless your dad. That's why he got a boner. Ben's dad served in World War II in the Pacific

and stormed the airfields of Peleliu. Holy shit. He's hardcore. Yeah, he's amazing. Holy shit. Mark Jaffe. Dude, your dad is a hero. That's why he got a boner.

He's a 28-year-old younger chick. Yeah, he's a hero boner. Oh, my God. He's a hero boner. You don't look Asian at all, either. This is terrible. You don't look Asian at all either he's terrible he doesn't look Asian at all

how dare you he's Russian he's a mail order bride child damn easy easy

easy talking about mom and dad here you fucks so you listen to classic shit that's like yeah well I listen

like he would start you know the there's an opera called the magic flute yeah this is Mozart. Mozart wrote this opera called The Magic Flute, and he played every single weekend. So he'd just be blasting.

He'd blast it like he was playing ACDC. Really? Every weekend, yeah. So I remember that. And then. Did he get you into playing music? No, not really. Neither of them did.

They didn't really play that much. I don't know where it started, but I just decided I wanted to play violin first. I played violin when I was like six, and then I dropped it. Then I started playing drums, and from there on I just kind of freaked out about it and got upset. So from age six, you started with the violin. Yeah. Wow. I can't play it at all anymore, though.

No? It's a shame. I feel like actually it would come back You should give it a whirl I believe in you She sounded a bit sarcastic No I'm not I'm serious I believe in you Come on champ

Get in the game Come on Rocky There is no tomorrow What about you Suzanne? How did you start? Well I listened to a lot of, like, juxtaposed with, my folks run an Italian restaurant, so I grew up with a lot of, like, jazz,

like Rosemary Clooney and Frank Sinatra and Louis Prima and stuff like that. And I liked that a lot. And then, like, regular, like, 90s rock pop. Scorpions. Um, my mom, no, my mom listened to rock set. There was a lot of rock set in the car. What's rock set.

Um, Oh God. Um, what, what's their song? Hold on. It'll come to me. Fucking a red bands. Where are we at here? It's there was, Oh God. It'll come.

Hold on. But there's But there's rock set. Yeah. Well, how does it go? You got the look. Yeah. You got the look. You got the look. There's everything in fucking this.

That's a good song. There was that song. Yes. So there's that. My mom was the more sort of contemporary culture. My dad and I used to listen to a lot of Journey together and Harmonize. You guys used to harmonize together? We used to harmonize.

I remember actually, Don't stop believing. It was crazy. And I'd be like, you take the high. And he'd be like, no. No way. You and your dad

would sing Journey together? Yeah. And my dad played some acoustic guitar. Wow. You know, he really liked Jethro Tull a lot. Really?

Yeah. He had a band in the 70s. Did he really? A mustache and a perm. Whoa. Your dad had a perm. He was pretty hip, that guy. Did he have bell bottoms?

I hope not, but yes. Of course he did. No, I'm sure he did. Yeah, they had some. There's all these pictures of my dad and my grandfather and my uncles, and they look like Italian mobsters. Like, they just, everybody has, like, everything's, like, together. There's, like, tailored suits and, like, big glasses. And that's just the 70s, you know, Italian.

Elton John glasses. Totally. It was totally gay. Yeah, but a weird time. The 70s were so confused. It's like they got disconnected from the mother nipple of drugs, you know. It's like in the 60s, they all had acid and marijuana and mushrooms. And in the 70s, like, oh, what are we going to do? Stay sober, man.

A lot of pot and a lot of quaaludes. Quaaludes, pills. Pills confused motherfuckers. Started wearing pointy shoes and bell bottoms and big belt buckles. What am I doing? I don't know. Isn't that funny how I feel like back then dudes for the most part had such, there was such a like wardrobe wise speaking, there was so much more of an effort put into what

guys would wear on a regular basis. Yeah. Because they didn't have match.com. You couldn't just like find people online. You had to pretend to be something you weren't. You had to go somewhere and wear the outfit and do whatever you could to get someone to touch you jesus christ what do i have to like do i have to dance you know men are essentially junkies and they're they're born into this world junkies and then they go out as young men with these full

raging hormones and it's this massive quest to figure out how to get someone to touch you and what do i have to do how what do i have to pretend i have to talk a certain way brass tacks cut my hair a certain way let me just get that figured out first and every man is struggling with that from the time we're young when we're 16 17 18 the conversations we have is all about how we figure it out, how to fucking get them to like us. So funny. Yeah.

Well, that's what breeding is all about. If it wasn't for that sense of urgency, there'd be three people on the planet. You'd have to. The only reason why we do it is because we are junkies. We're just so crazy. Just get rid of the loads. Just get them in there quick.

Somebody touch me. And so there you go with bell-bottoms. Fucking confusing wardrobe things. It takes like 10 years for people to go, what the fuck are we doing? Yeah, what the fuck are we doing? These things look stupid as fuck. You're right, man. Fuck bell-bottoms. Pants are still here, okay?

Pants work. Everybody's cool with jeans. Jeans have been around since fucking, you know, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid had the same jeans that you wear. They wore jeans? They wore jeans. Denim. They wore canvas, which is interesting.

Most clothes and pants during the minor days, the cowboy days, were actually made with cannabis. They were made out of hemp. What? Yeah, most clothes. Oh, you love that. Yeah. Well, before slavery was illegal, that's what most shit was made with.

They made more clothes with hemp and more flags and sails. All that stuff was made with hemp because it's much, much stronger than cotton. And then when Eli Whitney came along and made the cotton gin, oh, then it became really easy to make shit with cotton. And then the decorticator was invented in the 1930s. long and made the cotton gin oh then it became really easy to make shit with cotton and then the decorticator was invented in the 1930s and the 1930s was right after prohibition for alcohol had ended and they were trying to figure out what to do with all these fucking drug enforcement agents that were you know assigned to go after alcohol and one of the things they did was a concerted effort between this guy william randolph hearst

that owned all the newspapers we also owned all these paper mills and the cover of popular science magazine had this article hemp the new billion dollar crop and so everybody was switching over to hemp because they had created this decorticator which allows you to effectively process the hemp fiber the the stalk of the plant which is like incredibly useful for making paper and clothes. It allowed you to process it without slavery. It allows you to process it like economically effectively. And so William Randolph Hearst started printing all these articles about marijuana and about

how marijuana was causing blacks and Mexicans to rape white women. So that's how they shut down the hemp business. It was all about hemp as a commodity. It wasn't about... Was he protecting cotton interests, his own cotton interests? He was protecting paper because he owned paper mills. He was also... DuPont had an interest in it

because DuPont had came up with a chemical composition for nylon to make ropes. And previously, all ropes had been made out of hemp. How do you know this? What are you... What's going on here? composition for nylon to make ropes and previously all ropes had been made out of hemp so there was it's it's it's readily available you can get it online just read it you just you just like it's amazing that's that is very impressive it's just memory that's all it is it's just look you ask me shit about important things like where your taxes go i don't really know that. You know what? We don't want to know. You should know. Our overlords are lying to us.

But that's the only reason why it's still legal today. Where it's still legal today is now it's gone from a textile and an issue with nylon. Now it's gone to pharmaceutical drugs. And the influence of pharmaceutical drugs is the only reason why it's... And then there's also people that would profit from it being illegal like prison guard unions actively spend money to try to keep marijuana illegal private prisons they they will actively try to spend money to keep marijuana illegal because they want to keep the prison stocked because that's how they make money not amazing yeah private prison unions prison guard unions spend money to make sure that drugs stay illegal.

That's cute. Isn't that cute? Because they make money. I mean, it literally is like slavery. I mean, if it wasn't illegal, those people wouldn't be in jail. They'd be free. So you make something that they do, and you spend money to keep it illegal, something they enjoy that doesn't hurt anybody else.

You spend money to keep it illegal something they enjoy that doesn't hurt anybody else you spend money to keep it illegal so you can enslave them and make money from the fact that they're locked in a cage that you own mass incarceration that's amazing scary we're gonna look back on this day in in the future when people are when they have full access to everything, including thoughts and all misinformation will be accounted for and corrected, we will look back with great shame at how stupid we ran this world. We will look back with great shame at the people that we called our leaders and what a group of fucking monkeys they are. When you see them arguing about the fiscal cliff and all this other nonsense, you realize these are incredibly flawed human beings from a different time and an era.

And they're all trying to appease these fucking monsters that put them into position. These corporations, they'd spend millions of dollars in a sociopathic way to try to profit from these fucks representing them. We're going to look back on this, and we're going to be really, really shocked that we were this weak. We're going to be really shocked that it was this pathetic, with our incredible access to information, that we were still this wonky with our system of government and our system of money and welfare and protecting each other and our sense of community

and our willingness to go into wars. We're going to look back on it. It's going to be shocking, just as shocking as the Inquisition. I don't know what they're doing. I think that it is a joke to see how the world is run or our country or whatever, sometimes, not all the time. But I don't think that it it's it goes like under their radar i think it's just like politics and selfishness it's that but it's also completely out of control it's so big

like the system is so interconnected there's hundreds of different organizations there's more than a hundred different countries there's all this fucking politics there's a certain amount of natural resources that they need every fucking day there's so much is going on there's so many different connected issues and so many fucking human beings it's so hard it's like people were born into this system it's completely chaotic it's completely out of control completely corrupt and it's like people were born into this system. It's completely chaotic. It's completely out of control, completely corrupt. And it's like everybody agrees. Everybody looks at it and says it's a mess, but no one knows what to do.

And they try to work within the system to fix it, but that doesn't seem to be working. So it's like our options are wait for it to completely fall apart and come up with something totally new or slowly sort of chip away at this horrible problem that our ancestors have created and left us with because that's the real issue it's like you and i and we we never we didn't create this world we didn't decide to invade afghanistan you know we say we are going to war with iraq it's not we have nothing to do with that the fact that some human beings that somehow or another represent us because we're all in this one patch of dirt together is crazy. And it's always been crazy. It was crazy

when the Romans did it. It's crazy when the Greeks did it. But it's even more crazy when we do it. It's more crazy when we do it because we have the access to the information that allows us to see the wiring under the board and see what's really motivating this whole thing and see where this is all going from. And it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing that we're so dumb, that these are our leaders, that guys like Newt Gingrich really think they can be president.

It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. All of it. That a guy like Mitt Romney can have this incredibly horrific record in business and still put himself up as a businessman for the people and almost get elected. But it's just as crazy that a guy like Obama can win the Nobel Peace Prize and then send 30,000 more people with guns to Afghanistan. We're fucking crazy.

We're crazy as shit. Circumstances. Circumstances. crazy shit yeah circumstances are it's it's such a it's just like an endless it's like that not what's that thing that Gordian knot or whatever we're not talking about you know when there's that story about Alexander the Great he has this knot that no one can untie it's just this endlessly complex knot and you can't cut it actually that's that's what he did. He just sliced it in half and destroyed this Gordian knot. I've never heard of that, Gordian knot. Yeah.

And you have these people, I don't know. Wow, it's the first time I've ever heard that. You're dealing with this infinitely complex situation, and you still have humans that are trying to solve it. Yeah. So I don't know i i think sometimes there's sometimes there's a lot of energy put towards you know defaming the people in power and saying and and i'm not i'm not a supporter of a lot of the people that you're talking about are the systems that govern but i think it was interesting like this last week sorry to get back on this but the the shooting thing and and there's

this knee-jerk reaction that comes from a place of anger with a lot of people and i think that ends up just being wasted energy when people just start spouting off about how you know things are aren't the way they should be and reacting angrily, it takes away energy from changing individual lifestyles, which is the only thing we can really do, right? Like that's the only thing that you can change is how you're living your life and your usage of these resources that are basically the reason why we're in all these difficult situations

because the way we live our lives takes up X amount of resource from, you know, situations because the way we live our lives takes up x amount of resource from you know afghan joe so we have to go in there and take his stuff and create you know complicated situations we can't get out of right you know i don't know i'm just rambling no no no i i agree with you in a lot of ways and i think that um i would hate to have to be i think if you were elected president right now you'd be fucked i think anybody would be people even with good intentions i think there's so many things you have to deal with there's so many pressures there's so much going on and you know as much as you want to be the voice of reason you live in a fucking crazy world the pakistan still exists okay it's a fucking completely disconnected country with nuclear arms and a

hate for india their next door neighbor and they're i mean we had uh shane smith from vice.com and he was talking about how you know leaders from that part of the world have like said they want to strap themselves with nuclear bombs and go over and destroy their enemies they're fucking crazy and this is 2012 and this is a reality that people have to deal with you know that's why you need navy seals you need the army you need the marines you need i mean it sounds people want to they with. That's why you need Navy SEALs. You need the Army. You need the Marines. It sounds, people want to, they don't want to think that that's real.

They don't want to think that you do need a military. You fucking need a military, man. Unless you want your wife raped in the street by Chinese soldiers. And I'm not saying the Chinese want to do that. But I'm saying that that traditionally has been what human beings have done. That's what Genghis Khan did.

That's what the Romans did. That's what Genghis Khan did. That's what the Romans did. That's what the Greeks did. People have been taking over people from the history. From the first time people started writing things down. It's a fucking series of stories about people taking over other people. That's what everybody's always done. And if you don't protect the people, then that's most likely going to happen because we really haven't evolved enough to not have not have it happen you know it'd be beautiful if everybody was all peace love and kumbaya

but the reality is if you actually pay attention to the news there's a lot of non-kumbaya type shit going down all over the world you know you need a little bit of a military the problem is you got a military and then you have a bunch of people that decide you know fucking send these bitches over here and then we got some oil and we'll just make a lot of money. There you go. 2012. I have no point to this. And this bitching doesn't do any good.

And the only thing it could possibly help is that somebody maybe could listen to me and run for president and make some sense. That's it. The young people are the only people that you can change. You're not going to change Newt Gingrich. That old goofy fuck, he's not going to take mushrooms. What are you going to do to Newt Gingrich? You're not going to change Newt Gingrich. That old goofy fuck, he's not going to take mushrooms. What are you going to do to Newt Gingrich? How are you going to change Newt Gingrich? You can't even slip him.

He'd freak out and have a heart attack. Cut his dick off and drown himself in a bathtub. He'd go crazy. Oh, dear. That's readily available. That's no way to go. No way to go. No, that's no way to go.

There's no point to this. We've had this conversation with a hundred different people a hundred different times, and there's no... I don't think that... God. I really get so uncomfortable talking about these things because I don't feel like I've informed myself enough to have a strong opinion. But my instincts and just... I agree with you that it doesn't matter who's president it's like you're fucked

because you've inherited a mountain of shit for centuries I think that unfortunately God forbid but I don't think that I think it's going to be

something huge that's going to change everything. And I don't know what that is. I don't know if that's something catastrophic. I don't know if that's the aliens coming or whatever the fuck. But something else would have to happen for anything to really change. I think it's happening right in front of our face. I think it's the internet. Oh, yeah.

If there's an alien, I think the alien is the internet. Oh, yeah. If there's an alien, I think the alien is the internet. This alien entity that is created by humans that allows people to connect and exponentially grow together in some strange way that would never be possible without it. To have access to information that would never be available. And no one saw it coming. No one saw it coming. And it's a factor.

It's an alien factor created by human beings it's alien to the earth it's alien to any of the systems that have been set up before as far as natural systems of natural selection of of of survival the fittest any of those select this is an alien system this is an access to information and language if the if something happens with what'd did you say, Brian? Nothing. None of us have the know-how. Most people, if the Wi-Fi gets knocked out, you know what I mean? Right.

You lose all access to it. No, that's true. I mean, look, but you know what? If your jugular gets slit, your blood falls out and you're done. You know, it's like just... God, I hope the internet isn't our jugular. That's why I'm saying I need to learn how to live in the woods it's culturally make my bows and arrows analogous i'll be cool to our blood you know which ones are the good berries and the bad berries you

know that ultimate fighter star with the that broke his penis yes oh my god yes this is totally unrelated yeah magical ray lb apparently he had a girl hopping up and down on his Johnson, and she miscalculated her exit and re-entry, and it was tank to tip, snapped his P9, and homeboy was in the hospital for several days getting his shaft repaired, and who knows if he'll ever totally recover. That must be some real force. That's how an ultimate fighter fucks.

Is that tendons? Is that muscle? It's dick tissue. Dick tissue? Dish you? Yeah, it's officially dick tissue. That's my new favorite word. I've never broken it, but I heard it a couple of times. That's like, you okay, baby? How's your dish you? Yeah.

Frothy. I got a dish you. You can't let a strange girl who doesn't know how long your penis is ride you. Okay? You gotta... You should hold firmly onto her waist and control her exit and re-entry.

Can you imagine that? You gotta be careful. You gotta have a good grip on the waist and you gotta do a lot of kettlebells, too. You wanna be able to, like, pick her up in case she gets crazy. You wanna be able to control that thrust. It's very important. You know, I mean, a lot of girls would like to be able to pick her up in case she gets crazy. You want to be able to control that thrust. It's very important.

You know, I mean, a lot of girls would like to be on top. There's nothing wrong with that, folks. Don't get wrong. But you men protect your penis, okay? And the way to protect your penis is a firm grip on the hips. There's got to be a certain point where you're in danger. When they pass this, you know how long your dick is, okay? Was she on top for sure?

Yeah, she was she's like bouncing up and down that's the only way to break a dick if he misfired that fucking that is the only way to break on him you would know you were doing and you would stop while you're doing it you wouldn't do it it's the only way to break a dick is a girl has to be on top i think that's 100 of all the broken dicks have come from a girl being it's a real thing there's a few off the bed falls and stuff like that yeah yeah those guys are kind of go... That's natural selection. It's like a real... They're supposed to fall.

What'd you do? Trip landed on his dick. It's happened, and then you broke it, that dick. I don't think that's happened. Dude's tripped and landed on his dick. He's full-on boner. In jiu-jitsu once, I used to not wear a cup. Oh, my God.

Are you insane? Here comes that story again. You love this story. I got kneed in the dick, like on the dick, like flattened my dick out, bam, really hard by my friend Einstein, incidentally. It's a funny nickname. He's a great guy. Anyway, it wasn't his fault.

He was just trying to pass by guard, and he slammed his knee into my dick, and I didn't know I was hurt. I mean, I knew it hurt, but I thought I was okay. And, you know, I was just like, ah, and then, you know you you sit down for a minute or so and then you go back in when when you're not in so much pain but then when i went to the locker room after training um i had blue shorts on and i or blue pants i didn't know and i took my pants off and my jockstrap was red with blood oh my god so my dick had been bleeding into my jockstrap and then i peed and it came out of my dick.

It was bloody. So then I had to figure out, okay, do I overreact here or do I treat it like I would treat my nose? Because if my nose was bloody. My face. Shut up. My nose is important to me. If my nose was bloody, I would go to a doctor. So this is one of the things you have to do when you do jujitsu on a regular basis.

You're always getting hurt. So you've got to know what the difference between a torn ACL is is and you know a cramp muscle you know so i had to uh figure out so what i did was i decided i was going to masturbate so i went home no you didn't yeah are you retarded no no i went home and i was like if i have a hard-on i'm sure my dick still works so i'm good so i got a hard-on and i ejaculated and it looked like an embryo. It looked like the inside of an egg. No, you don't. No, that's not it.

Please tell me that's not your jizz. No, I don't have my jizz online. My jizz is not online anyway. Thank God, because I'm not ready for that. I don't want to see that. And it came out that way. When I peed, it came out that way for three or four days. And it slowly, like, less and less.

So I was like, I kept touching it to make sure it's not infected. There's no pain. I checked my temperature, no fever, everything's cool. There's no infection.

So I was all right. Just took a few days off. And that was it? That was it. It healed up. I'm pretty sure it's okay. And I made a baby since then so it's all good.

A blood baby. Good for you. I think I made both of my babies since then so it's 100 it fires wow but it was a little scary but it didn't look scary it looked normal on the outside that's why i was so confident it wasn't like how many days did it take until you felt better until it didn't hurt that was the crazy thing it just blood was coming out of it That is bizarre Well it's not bizarre When you get Kneed in the dick

Ryan what is that? Oh that is from my dick No No it's not Please stop It's not I didn't put it online That's just blood

But it was really weird But it was It was also I was like Really questioning My own judgment I was like Did I really just jerk off

After I broke my dick? What the fuck is wrong with me? And I was like Sitting there Looking at the sink Looking at this You know And I did it just jerk off after i broke my dick what the fuck is wrong with me and i was like sitting there looking at the sink looking at this you know and i did it like in a medical sort of way i didn't like sit in front of like a computer like oh yeah you really had a stern look on your face yeah it was like all medical and shit i'm sure i probably thought about like some ex-girlfriend or something to get the job done but it was you know a know, a clinical approach. Gloves on and everything. I wanted to make sure

that my dick worked. Did that disturb you when Nina Hartley was talking about wearing gloves when she was on Kevin Pereira's show? Yeah, what the hell is that about? She would rather have a person

wear a glove and put his finger in her ass. We had Nina Hartley on. Do you know who she is? No. Old school porn star from like the 80s. Okay.

And she's still doing orgies and banging people all over the world. She's old. Mm-hmm. I do know who that is. What did she say? I'm lucky you the world. She's old. I do know who that is. What did she say? I'm lucky you said that.

She's old. And I'm sorry, what did she say? She likes to, when people wear gloves, she wears gloves and she wants them to wear gloves. Like winter gloves? Like mittens. Yeah. Yeah, like big Christmas, Santa Claus type. What is it about the gloves?

Did she? She wants them to be clean. She wants everybody to be clean. I don't blame her. I mean, come on you don't you don't want just any that's oh that's my fashion photography thing how dare you show my ass how come you can show my ass on ustream but you can't show that the hooker's tit because that's not your real butt you told me that's my real butt it's not my real butt fuck this one you know what you guys were gonna play another song about an hour we don't That's not your real butt, you told me. That's my real butt. That's not my real butt. Fuck is wrong with you, son.

You know what? You guys were going to play another song about an hour ago. We don't have to. We don't have to, honestly. I kind of like where this is going. No, we would love to. Let's play one. It's called Dick Tissue.

Oh, no. Broke. Yo, Dick Tissue. Do you guys have a song called Dick Tissue? Reset. No, because it's like more of a... Something going on here. No, no.

I just don't know if I want to play this song. What song is this? It's a new song, and it's like... It's a tender one. Can we talk about... Can we like... Bring it down? Can we get soft?

Can we bring it down? Can we bring it soft? Tell us about your kids, Jill. My kids are awesome. They're awesome. Yeah, I love them. They're awesome. Yeah, I love them. They're fun. Great.

Little girls. I have little tiny girls that I hang out with every day. A big part of my day is hanging out. Yes, they're your children. No question. But it's not just my children. It's also a little four-year-old individual who happens to be a girl. And she's experiencing all these girl things. And who happens to be a girl and she's

experiencing all these girl things and I want to be like what the fuck we're not gonna go see that I don't want to get to see that shit but for whatever it is that she wants to go do like we have to go see the Grinch like you have to like do it will it get excited with her like do you want to go to the carousel oh yes be so good I want to ride a unicorn do you think the unicorn will be available like I bet it will. Did she say available? Oh, yeah.

She's wicked smart. She's crazy smart. But it's like you get to see things through the eyes of a four-year-old girl. Available. It's really interesting. I love that. It's fascinating. It's incredibly fascinating.

I mean, obviously, I love her to death. She's amazing. I'm so happy. Just having children is like a really incredible experience. It's really hard to wrap your head around it. And I don't recommend it to everybody. And I don't recommend it to people who are in bad situations in their relationship or stressed out. But if you've got your ducks in order and you're in a good place with a nice person, having a kid is a crazy experience.

When you're, you know, when you could just, it's going to be hard times. But when you can hang out with this little person that you literally love more than you love your own life, like you would sacrifice your own life in order to keep them happy. It's a very strange thing. It's like, as an entertainer, I'm sure you guys can relate to this, especially being around a lot of other entertainers. You guys are very balanced, but not a lot of us are. A lot of us are very me, me, me, me, me. It's really hard to get past that. There's a lot of selfish ideas out there in the world of art and creativity. One of the things that's been really freeing to me is to actually have someone in my life,

have people in my life, not just one, a gang of these little people that i literally love more than i like me you know i want more for them than for me and that's i always thought that was bullshit i always thought that was what people said because they wanted to hear people go oh he's so sensitive oh he's so yoga i really want it you know what i mean it sounds like horseshit but then when you you understand the actual relationship between a parent and a child it's not just a little human being it's a little human being that is a part of you i mean they they literally it's not you could never understand it unless it's yours the the biological switches that go off are very strange. So your whole feeling about love in general changes when you have children.

And my whole outlook on human beings. Because once I had children, I changed the way I looked at everybody. I don't look at adults as adults anymore. I look at adults as babies that became adults. I look at adults as like these bundles of potential that slowly but surely became a grown-up human being. What are you playing, Brian? Little baby.

You're playing babies eating lemons. Have you given your babies the lemons yet? Yeah, they like lemons. They eat them. It's weird. Ha-ha, faces. Yeah, they make that face, then they bite down and chew them.

Oh, my God. Faces. Yeah, they make that face, and then they bite down and chew them. Oh, my God. There's a whole community of babies eating lemons. Oh, it's the best. Oh, my God. It's okay because it's not painful, but it is kind of crazy. You know, like you don't feel like the kid's getting tortured. Because, look, they still ate it.

They don't wipe their mouth off. They just go, whoa, what the fuck, man? That was a was a lime that kid's a pussy that kid freaked out from a lime lime's not even that bad you little fuck when i was a kid we had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to get a lime you feel like we are we in the right groove now we I think we might have gotten there. All right. What's this next song? Well, it's... Fucking A. Okay. It's kind of called... It's got a weird name.

I'm not sure if this is what we're going to call it. But the chorus is, What you gonna do now? And it's not like, Water you gonna do now? Like spelling it out, you know? So like... So this is not even named yet.

Not really, no. We have a chance to hear like so this is not even named yet not really no we have a chance to hear a song that's not even named maybe you can name it Joe and that'll be maybe we'll ask the people on Twitter to name it

people on Ustream if you have some maybe not maybe maybe not we're not we're not guaranteeing shit but

if you come up with the perfect name and Ben and Suzanne go holy shit that guy Fuckstick69 Cold blooded He found it

He found the right name Maybe Balls of Steel can help us out here Balls of Steel where are you? You introduced us No he's still on my board We are all Balls of Steel Bloody Balls Bloody Balls of Steel Shout out to Duncan Trussell No, he's still on my board. He's still on my board. We are all balls of steel. Bloody balls.

Bloody balls of steel. Shout out to Duncan Trussell. That heart is steel, too. He's the ball of steel. Him, Tom Green, and Lance Armstrong can form a trio. Dude. Oh, my gosh. What's it called?

New Planetary Avengers. Trio. It's trio. I want to see a triet. You know, quartet sounds better than trio. A triet? Trio sounds way better. We'll work that out next time we come in. Okay.

Got to take one more main ball away. So the working title? Yeah, Whatcha Gonna Do Now? Whatcha Gonna Do Now? Ladies and gentlemen on Twitter, now's your time to be heard. Ben and Suzanne are listening. Yeah. And judging you. Just kidding. We're your time to be heard. Ben and Suzanne are listening. Yeah.

And judging you. Just kidding, we're not. We accept you. Oh baby, that fire's coming down Right into your walls, right out of your mouth Everything you love just dashed on the ground Oh babe, so what you gonna do now? So you run to the river, you run to the river

you run to the sea You sift through the rubble and search the debris But you won't find anything if you don't find peace Oh babe so what you gonna do now Don't wait Oh, babe, so what you gonna do now?

Don't wait until you die. Cause you can always change your mind, make it right. So why you still waiting outside Maybe your mama didn't treat you right Maybe you just didn't sleep last night You know I don't give a damn why you wanna fight Maybe you just didn't sleep last night You know I don't give a damn why you wanna fight Oh babe, so what you gonna do now? Cause I'll be down that door you locked in your chest You can swallow the key and threw out the gas And I'm standing here where everyone left

Oh, babe, so what you gonna do now? Don't wait until you die Cause you can always change your mind and make it right So why are you still waiting outside? So come out from the weeds and into my arms Oh babe, I know the dark and how it can harm you And I've had my conscience rip me apart too So here's what we're gonna do now Take all your needs and all your sins And all of the losses you threw to the wind

and we'll carry the weight if it breaks everything and that's what we're gonna do now yeah that's what we're gonna do now That was awesome. Hey, thanks. I really liked that one. That was great. Cool.

Wow, that's badass. Play another one. Fuck. One more? Oh, shit. Come Wow, that's badass. Play another one. Fuck. One more? Oh, shit. Come on, you fucks. You guys are professionals. How dare you?

I can't play fiddle right now. I can try. What are you going to play? What is it? God of Love? That's kind of a bummer one. No, it's not. It's so great.

It's a song that Ben wrote, and I think it's awesome. Why do you think it's a bummer? Because of the lyrics and how it sounds. But what else? What else can we play? Why don't we play something from the original?

It sounds badass. Oh yeah, we should play it. I want to hear the God of Love. That's like, that's us putting it out there. We've never played it live before. So what? Do it.

It's like, it's Branz Mankin. Listen, we love you. Do it. Make it happen. I don't care. We can try. Okay, I hope you guys just accept us out there.

Okay, hold on. All right, here we go. Oh, God of love. If there is one You got me pinned So I tap your arm And I slap the floor I try to tag out But I got no team

Makes me sad, I don't And I'm the jealous kind And I don't need to prove it to you Yeah, I can be an angry woman I can look right through you But what do I have to do Get on my hands and knees What do I have to do

About a rosary Oh, what do you need from me Oh, won't you tell me Please Oh, God of love Make me a fine prince Won't you lock me down Savage my innocence

Give me hands to hold Give me skin to taste Give me my hips to throw And I'll give him my time to waste And I'll praise your name yeah, I'll pay your tab even though you drive me crazy You know my hands and knees To do Get on my hands and knees What do I have to do about a rosary Oh, all you need from me

Oh, oh, oh, oh Won't you tell me There it is, right? Okay, here we go. Did you marry it Because you thought I wasn't ready yet My apologies For turning lovers into enemies Oh, even scores

Could I ever ask for more? Is what I got What I've been waiting for Cause I feel confused, feel like a train wreck Like all the flowers died and it ain't winter yet And I'm the quiet kind and I am a solemn soul So won't you help me stand and pay my toll What do I have to do

Get on my hands and knees What do I have to do Buy a rosary What do you need from me? Won't you tell me please Won't you tell me please That was awesome. That wasn't a bummer at all. That was awesome.

Dude, that was awesome. How about the Ballad of Buck Angel? Have you guys heard of that? I'm so glad you said that because I was really hoping. It's on our Dick Blood album. Trosty Trigsvogelson on Twitter suggested that. The Ballad of Buck Angel. Did they really?

Fuck yeah, dude. I want to hang out with that guy. Fuck yeah, dude. Would that guy or Buck Angel? Which one if you had to choose? Well, I've already hung out with Buck Angel. I mean, come on. What was that like?

Look at this. He was such a kind man. Very tender. Very tender. And really very genuinely. I mean, come on. What was that like? Look at this. He was such a kind man. Very tender. Very tender. And really, like, very, very... Very soft-lipped. Genuinely...

Sounds like a steak. Both of them. I was just going to say, which ones are you talking about? I'm sure one's not soft. Barf. Yeah, it's dry and it's problems. Jerry just puked on his laptop.

I almost did. Oh, my God. Yeah, I don't mind trannies, but not that kind. That's a little strong. There's trannies going the other way. Yeah, there's different ways to slice it, no pun intended. You're okay with the other direction?

I seem to be more compatible with the men who want to be women than with the women who want to be men. Those confuse me more. More compatible. That was such a PC way. Well, if you looked at it like what would you as a man what would you choose we have to wrap this up soon what would you choose would you rather be the the man who dates the man who used to be a woman but is not a man okay or you know what i

mean are you asking me personally joke because i don't really know how to answer that question would you rather be i'm sorry repeat the. Would you rather be a date, would you rather date a buck angel who's clearly very manly but has a vagina or like a little Thai boy who a twinkie type situation

How dare you! who becomes a woman. You would rather have that, right? You would rather have a man who at least looks like a woman. You would rather have that, right? You would rather have a man who at least looks like a woman. You're saying like a manly vagina-having man? Buck Angel's truly a man. Truly a man, but not really. Really is a woman.

Has a vagina. Would you rather have that or would you rather have a guy who used to be a guy but wanted to be a girl? Always felt like he was a girl but really looks like a girl. Are they going to listen to me

when I talk to them? Are they going to listen to you? What are we going to talk about? Do you really need that? Don't you have friends? Come on. What's going on? Is that what you really want

out of a relationship? You want them to listen to you? You get a dog, man. Dogs will listen to you. They don't know what the fuck they're saying. He does. He's got Larry Bird.

Larry Bird fucking loves Ben. Maybe Larry Bird will just... And he does talk to you. You won't need a relationship anymore. Just jerk off and have Larry Bird in your life and cut all the complications out, man. Twink's a short name for a transsexual, right? No, twinks are little gay fellas

who are fairly non-muscular and very boy-like. What do they call them in China? Oh, you son of a bitch. Oh, boy. Oh, Redman. Oh, you son of a bitch. Oh, boy. Oh, Red Band. Oh, you son of a bitch. You evil motherfucker. And he fucking prepared that one.

He prepared that one in his shitty little mind for like an hour. His shitty little mind. Oh, like 20 seconds. For like an hour. He was rolling around how to introduce that one. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Not controversial at all.

Thursday night, Red Band will be at The Improv in Hollywood The night before The End of the World show Joey Diaz is gonna be there I'm most likely gonna be there Let's just say I'm gonna be there Fucking gonna be there Okay you're there

Yeah like I said There's only 60 tickets left For the Wiltern With Honey Honey Honey Honey wants to come She can come too Yeah Have you guys won

The night before Can Ben come too You fuck Jesus Christ I said Honey Honey Yeah he said she can come Oh Okay they you guys won the night before? Can Ben come too, you fuck? I said, honey, honey. Yeah, he said she can come. Oh. Okay, they are a group.

It's them. It's not she. It's them. Honey, honey. You got to make out with both of us. I don't care. He will do that. He has no fear.

Do you have power pills? He has no fear of making out with Ben while he has sex with you. Trust me, I'm under the influence for three days, so you got me. The kids Randy and Randy, sex with you. Trust me, I'm under the influence for three days, so you got me. The kids Randy and Reddy, ladies and gentlemen. If you're in the Pasadena area, Brian Redbeard giving out sperm. All righty. Brian Redbeard to the main stage. All right, you guys, I've got some frothy loads for you.

$14 margarita. Step on up. And a little yellow because there's some pee in it. Alright. Ruined it again. You fuck. You son of a bitch.

Settle the fuck down. Okay. This show essentially is over. This was a fun one. It got dark. Thank you guys having us. No, please. Thank you guys for being on it.

You know, if it wasn't for you guys, we probably would have never went down the road of musical guests. It's been really fun. You guys were the first. Dude, balls of steel. Whatever it was, it was in the fucking stars for us, guys. Yeah, I think it was. It's friendship. It was, I mean, the guy, if you don't know the story,

a guy on my message board sent me a message a personal message said this is going to be your new favorite band and it was you guys playing angel of death on the top of a roof somewhere in la and it was an acoustic version of it i was like wow these guys are fucking good and then i just started i i think i saw my little toy gun i think that was the next song i saw and i just watched a bunch of your videos. And I'm like, holy shit, these guys are awesome. And somehow or another, we all got together. And now we're besties.

It's pretty awesome. We are. I like what's happening here, guys. It's beautiful. You know, that's one of the coolest things about the internet is the ability to connect people. The other cool thing, stalkers. That's not cool. No, it's not cool.

I disagree very strongly. I'm being facetious. That's the problem with the ability to connect people. Some people are just not fully developed. They're not cool. No, it's not cool. I disagree very strongly. I'm being facetious. That's the problem with the ability to connect people. Some people are just not fully developed. They're not ready. They're not ready for others. Not to segue from stalkers at all, because that's like a wrong place to go from,

but I do want to have a little shout out and a thank you to all the amazing Death Squad fans that have come to our shows. There's some incredible people that we've met on our... Don't you ever think you'd be thanking a Death Squad? During our travels. Just stop and think about how weird that is. I'd like to thank the Death Squad.

Do you ever think those words would come out of your mouth? I don't think I would, no. Well, we never thought we would call ourselves the Death Squad either. Why do you call them the Death Squad? We were on the Opie and Anthony show. What was it, 2006 or some shit like that? Yeah. And Opie, when we walked in,

I walked in with Tate Fletcher, this big giant dude from The Ultimate Fighter, good buddy of ours, and Eddie Bravo, who's a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. And Opie goes, oh, here's Joe Rogan. He brought in the Death Squad.

Like there's these people that were killers. And we just, as a joke, started calling ourselves the Death Squad. That, you know, because he said that. And then Brian started the Death Squad podcast network and it sort of spread through that. And then Brian started selling the Death Squad t-shirts. And then people showed up at shows and they're all wearing these Death Squad t-shirts. And now people like put hashtag Death Squad. It's all hashtagged all over the place.

Yeah, it's crazy. And Brian does like Desquad shows. He calls the comedy shows Desquad shows. It just was a crazy thing that sort of just grew and became weird. It's like our group of friends, pretty much. Our gang. We're approving. If you're on Desquad, we pretty much approve of your comedy, what you do.

Can musicians be in your Desquad? Oh, yeah. You're in the Desquad. You guys are totally Desquad. Oh, that's great. That's great. That was a good, solid hat fact. You guys are squad. Oh, that's great. That's great. That was a good, solid half-half. You guys are 100% death squad approved unanimously.

That's cool. We voted right now. I'm so happy. I'm so excited. It's a noise, but we don't really mean the connotation of those words to connect it together like death squad. It became something else. And even though it has that name, we don't think of any.

There's no death involved. There's no squad. It's a bunch of silly, happy people. But they just ironically call themselves Death Squad. With a highland cat, too. That really does it. Tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen, will be our 300th motherfucking episode. You were 299?

Yes, you guys were 299. And joining us tomorrow will be none other than the great Joey Coco Diaz. Allegedly. What the fuck, cocksucker? You never know with Joey. You never know what's gonna happen. It's part of the fun. It's also baby week, too. You never know if he's

a knight. Joey Diaz's wife is about to hatch. A new Joey Diaz. A female Joey Diaz. Who will back in there. A female Joey Diaz who will no doubt be the funniest girl in preschool. She's just going to

come out of Joey. The cats are going to babysit the kid tonight. Cracking jokes right away. It's going to be very interesting. Joey will be with us Friday night at the Wiltern. Honey, honey,

Joey Diaz, Doug Stanhope, and me. It's going to be awesome. Listen, I got all these emails from all these different people saying they're coming from all over the world.

We appreciate the fuck out of that. And we're very excited. And I'm so glad that we... Doug and I talked about doing this probably in 2003 when we first started doing our shitty version of The Man Show. We said we should have an end of the world party and we're doing it. JoeRogan.net, my comedy special. It's already out.

I was supposed to not talk about it until tomorrow, but a bunch of people have already saw it on Twitter while this podcast was going on and said they loved it, which I'm very happy to hear. I'm really happy for it. I would never put it out if it sucked. I worked really hard on this. It was like a good, solid year of preparation,

and then it was a long time to set up the infrastructure to sell this and to be able to distribute it online. What Louis C.K. did is a real game changer. It sort of changed the way a lot of people, certainly the way I think about it, releasing things like this

was never even an option or a consideration until we started doing this podcast. So thank you very much. We appreciate the fuck out of you guys. We're all in this together. It's helping me as much as it's helping me as

much as it's helping you guys i swear to god um i don't believe in god and i swear to him i swear i believe in odin and and send him praise praise odin ladies and gentlemen it's not that i don't believe in god let me read it's that i don't i i don't believe in him and i don't not believe in him if he was there i wouldn't there, I wouldn't be shocked. I wouldn't be shocked. Life itself is fucking crazy. God is an operating system, Joe. Could be.

God could be the guy who programmed the simulation. He could be some autistic kid in Seattle with a fucking laptop. All right, you fucks. Look, we love the shit out of you. We're sending out positive messages to you. Take them in and do with them what you will.

And we'll see you tomorrow. Mwah. Thanks for watching!