The Joe Rogan Experience - #3 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: January 6, 2010

Joe sits down with Ari Shaffir.

BAM! Is that it? Can you people hear us? Are we up and crackin'? We had sound for a second there. Oh, we did have sound. It just didn't show it in the window. Hmm. Okay. We have sound now? Come on you dirty bitches. Jump over to the chat. They'll tell you right up, immediately.

I don't wanna look at the chat. These faggots. They're all living in there. Chad's gay. I heard you for two seconds just now. Yes. Okay. It's working. Excellent.

So I should close out of this, right? Otherwise it won't work. Yeah. All right. I'll tell the Twitter people last time. This is weak, though. This thing, because it already adds, hey, Joe Rogan.

See? Hi, everybody. Welcome to the Joe Rogan podcast. Hi. So, yeah. Where's that tomahawk? Trying to figure out technical difficulties. Brian shoved that tomahawk pipe up his ass and we gotta get it out. So we got our tomahawk pipe that we were gonna order last week.

You said a peace pipe. What is a peace pipe? It's a fucking battle axe. Peace or war. Your choice, bitch. That's how fucking battle axe. Peace or war. Your choice, bitch. That's how the Indians roll. It's the superior firepower. I don't think it's probably

the best pipe. It looks like a piece of shit. It's already clogged. It comes clogged now. It looks cool, though. But we got a real one right here. So why fuck around, bitches? And since all three of us are legal, we're legally medicating here. See, what you're looking at is three sick people.

R, you get headaches, is that what you get? I get headaches and I have sleeplessness. Sleeplessness and headaches for Mr. Shafir. No, I didn't tell him headaches, I said slee sleepiness and I said I had surgery the year before. That's all true. I get really bad anxiety, but the rest of the sentence is when I smoke weed.

Alright. We're up and cracking, people. You keep your pot in a bag like the old days? That was given to me. the old days? That was given to me. Oh, really? I was like, there's no other reason. So, I should kill this gay music, huh?

Yeah. It's not really gay. It's just not really good. Created by and for homosexuals. What? It doesn't fit with the vibe of what we're trying to flow here. You guys are liars

and it's completely cool. What did we lie about, fella? Oh, about our prescriptions? No, we didn't. It helps me sleep, one. Don't get me wrong. It gives me anxiety. And I had surgery.

And it did. It gives me anxiety. And I had surgery. And it did... It is legal. Brian, if you had to guess either everyone's watching you or no one's watching you, what would you say? Everybody. Right now it feels like everybody's watching me. Because you're paranoid? Yeah.

He gets paranoid when he smokes the weed. But that's what I told the doctor, and he still gave it to me. Is everybody in here? Here we go. Everybody's in here. Oh, you need to un-pog that. This one? Yeah.

This one's fucking us up. I got some weak-ass, whack-ass DSL internet, but I got new internet installed. I just have to install a new router. And then from there, we'll be able to upload videos. We'll be able to... I'm going to install a new router and then from there we'll be able to upload videos we'll be able to I'm gonna change this background and I'll bring a couch in here and get rid of this desk and put a new desk in and so I only have one desk I got this big ass long desk this rooms all clocked up someone put up a couch in here have a little table right there so we have the microphone set up

there so we can lounge and do this properly ladies and gentlemen check this shit out i just got in this is awful imagine having to deal with this my mom has a windows xp computer that's like seven years old and she only has 56k internet available at her house really trying to help her fix a computer from a virus and she can only connect at 56k. Oh my god. I read a letter that said they won't even run. Yeah. Old people and viruses, man, you should just shoot that computer.

There's no way you're going to fix it. But can you imagine only getting 56k? No, I can't. I did for a long time. Shit, I started out with 14.4. I started out with AOL on an old ass Mac, one of those tan ones, the beige ones. And it had a 14.4 baud internet connection. God, remember how brutal that shit was?

Remember when 33.6 came out? You were like, I'm a motherfucker. Everybody got 56K and I was like, man, I can't believe it. That's like five times as fast. I remember paying like $120 for a 56K modem back in the day. And that was like so much money. It was just like, oh, finally. It's so much better than how it started. It was even worse.

You gotta align, you gotta tell people, hey, I'm online. Who wants to use it when I'm done? Before I get off. Yeah, you couldn't use the goddamn phone. No. That's craziness, man. Well, now that's that AT&T U-verse thing. If the internet goes down, everything's down. If the computer goes down, everything's down.

If the TV's down, then your phone's down. Fires. Everything's down. How would you masturbate? How would you masturbate? You've got to go by memory. Those are your three things. When was the last time you masturbated by memory?

Showering the whole time. Wow, look at you, you sexy bitch. Do you think cavemen had to draw what they wanted to masturbate to first? I think cavemen had to draw what they wanted to masturbate to first? Like, ugh. I think cavemen just raped and fucked. I don't think they bothered masturbating. Masturbation is a byproduct of civilization. If we weren't civilized, we'd be raping like a motherfucker. There'd be no masturbating.

You just find someone you want to fuck. And there would be no gay. Yeah, there'd be no gay. You'd just rape your brother and shit. You'd be raping everybody. Yeah, there would be no masturbation if there was cavemen right yeah i don't know i think rape takes a lot more work same as now other than when you have a girl not with old people old people just get raped all day yeah that's a good point everybody'd be waiting in line to rape the next old person

when you didn't have a language and couldn't say hey fucking stop and you couldn't fight someone off back in those days no no rape it was just rape if you couldn't say hey stop you couldn't fight someone off back in those days no rage it was just rape if you couldn't like reason with people and say listen when you're raping me you're hurting me i know it feels good temporarily but there's other solutions you can't talk someone out of rape when there's no language right they just attack your ass right i mean that's logic right do you think a girl that's in a coma is just like a robot fuck doll no she didn't do anything no that's rude man that's not a doll it's a person she's never going to come out of the coma though so what man but she's still a human being

is she i don't know here's the thing about comas haven't you ever seen like one of those interviews where someone was in a coma for like seven years and then for whatever reason i just woke up and he said he was awake the whole time wouldn't that be awful yeah i'm wanting to know fuck that man get webcast tips from anthony kumia that's a very good idea next time we're going ona we're definitely going to do that we're going to find out what the fuck is up. Oh yeah, he has a great one from his compound. Dude, his is sweet. Dude, trust me. Once you get your internet hooked up, it's all I'm waiting for.

I just bring a laptop over here and this shit will be changed. Brian's going to go off. I've been just waiting for the internet upgrade. I think this is a good thing to commit to. This is the 2010 commitment.

We're going to do this every week. So easy. Just hop on and fuck around and everybody enjoys it does anthony have uh guests he's got everything man he's got guests he's got these cameras that are like real like studio quality cameras he's got real like radio station microphones he's got everything he's got a background green screen so he changes it you make it like buildings dude that's what we need this back wall needs to be a fucking green screen so he changes it and make it look buildings dude that's what we need this back wall

needs to be a fucking green screen yeah i just have the world space behind now like that roller coaster effect how hard would that be that wouldn't be hard right oh you have to buy i have a sheet i can bring a sheet over oh that's gonna happen right there the one we got right now the well the cables installed i just need to change the router can you take a picture of this and green screen the exact same background behind us? That would be so dope. So we can pull cables. You know what would be cool?

As if we had two mirrors looking into each other where they look infinitely. Back, back, back. Yeah, that would be cool. Did you see that video I posted today on your message board? Under I can't wait till my cell phone does this. No, what is it? There's a video on Joe's message board. It's under the topic called I can't wait till My Cell Phone Does This. No, what is it? There's a video on Joe's message board. It's under the topic called I Can't Wait Till My Cell Phone Does This.

And it's this company that does special effects so that you could pretty much, and it shows all their samples. And it's just like backgrounds of buildings that you would never think was a green screen. And it just shows you the scenes first. Stuff you could use. Yeah, it's amazing. Could you imagine if you could do that with your phone if you could like put your phone down and change we're looking at you

know that's what's gonna happen eventually when they figure out how to broadcast images and make them look real like it's right in front of you like not just on a screen but an actual hologram that looks real right in front of you god damn could you imagine when your TV becomes something that you just place in the middle of your living room, you put it down, you turn it on, and the image just comes out of it? That would be one.

Yeah, man. Like old school Princess Leia type shit. But you can't tell the difference though. You know what I mean? Fuck. How intense would that be? It'll start off like VHS quality where you're like, I can kind of tell the difference.

It's all staticky. It's going to happen. 3D television was the big thing at the E3 conference. Fuck wearing 3D glasses though. No, they said one has one where you don't have to. Well, I didn't see the Avatar in 3D. I saw it in regular. And even in regular, holy fucking shit, that movie's good.

It's not like a good movie, like really great writing. You can't believe they went there. You see everything coming a mile away, and you don't care. I'm probably going to say this week, but I just feel like I'll leave going like, yeah, it's all right. No, you're not going to say it's all right. If you get super baked, you're going to love the fuck out of that movie. Did you see it yet?

No, he either has it yet or not. The problem is these guys haven't seen it. I've seen two storylines too. This is hilarious. These guys are both nerds. Why would he do that? That's dumb. I haven't seen my secret story lines to is hilarious I guess I want to know how to do that listen are you gonna see your story? No, you're gonna see through storyline, but it's not gonna matter, but it's not for that. It's a comic book man. It's bullshit It's just entertainment just pretend like you're 15 again, and you're just watching some My god is there good action. Jesus fucking Christ bro. I

didn't want to tell you about it because I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to I don't want to be the person who fucking spoils it. I don't mind dumb spy movies or shit like that. Fuck a spy movie. This thing's off the charts and I didn't even see it in 3D. Apparently in 3D it's insane. Mike Black said that 3D's a must. He sees movies like more than anybody but IMAX is not necessary he said you have to go 3D but not IMAX you can take it or leave it

he's probably seen it 10 times already right he's seen it a few times if you Mike Black if you talk to him on a Tuesday and say want to see a movie

he's already seen everything Jesus yeah every week he just goes every week Friday night just to movie feed yeah

he always gets that midnight shot I love movies when they're good like Avatar was a great experience there's something I believe there's something about seeing a movie fiend yeah he always gets that midnight shot I love movies when they're good like Avatar was a great experience there's something I believe

there's something about seeing a movie in front of a bunch of people too it's a totally different experience watching a movie by yourself

sometimes you know when it's a shitty movie then you're just watching a shitty movie with a bunch of people and it sucks even more

we also had Hellboy 3 with that yeah and we still walked out, right? Fucking Hellboy 3. Yeah, it was awful.

That was terrible. That movie was so dumb. There's people that love that shit. We couldn't, I know. But I think they're Hellboy fans. They're fans of the comic book first. And that's what we fucked up on. We didn't know what was going on.

I couldn't get high enough to watch that movie. No, it's the responsibility of the movie to make you understand, even if you're not a fan. Yes, but that happens what happens in those big story things like Harry Potter. I saw the last Harry Potter. Yeah. It was death. I couldn't wait for it to be over.

It was like being in jail. It was terrible. It wasn't even remotely entertaining. There was nothing entertaining about it. I saw one Harry Potter. It was pretty good. Yeah, the first one was really good. The first couple were good. Where they had that broom ball thing? Yeah, that was fucking dope. Tree monster.

One of the second ones, I think, was when the dragon was coming after him. Was that the second one? No, I think that was the third one. The third one. That's the one with the tree. That dragon scene was worth the whole movie to me. Like everybody talked about how the Hulk sucked. That Hulk totally sucked.

But when he's fucking shit up, man, it's worth it. I know it's good. I like all the new Marvel movies have been pretty good. The Iron Man was fucking insane. The new one looks even crazier, man. That's going to be the shit. I need a good story along with the action. I couldn't watch Wolverine, man.

The last Wolverine was terrible. It was so stupid. I'm sure the action was just as good as some other stuff. It wasn't, though. If there's nothing gripping you, it doesn't... Wolverine, man. The last Wolverine was terrible. It was so stupid. I'm sure the action was just as good as some other stuff. It wasn't, though. If there's nothing gripping you, it doesn't... It's too predictable. Really? Like, there's the scene where the gasoline's running away from the car,

and he's walking away, and he lights the gasoline, and the car blows up behind him. How many fucking times can you see that one? Yeah. That fucking scene is so weak. And they don't even look. Exactly! Exactly what he did. And then when it blows up, it just I was just keep yeah it's so stupid so like

I'm a badass you know that you got to come up with a new way to be the new badass isn't like some guys like snarling and the new badass is a guy like fade or it doesn't say shit there's no image I would do it and try to be cool and light it start to to walk away. But then I start to assume it's going to happen. So I start going like that. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, what's happening? And then I'm going to blow up. Not only that, you've got to look out for shrapnel.

Yeah. What are you, stupid? How can you assume it's not going to hit you? It's going to fuck blow up back there. It's going to come flying at you, man. I would make my trail so long and around a building. Yeah, I would run like a... Still pay a bum to light it.

I still want to see it. Yeah, pay a bum to light it. That's the move. See, look, I'm pretty sure in the movies when was the last time anybody died doing that in movies

never you could talk some sense into him he'd be like yup yup yup that'd be a great ending to a movie have a guy light

the cigarette put it out and then just ow and just die yeah that would be that would be crazy I've talked to you guys

about this before wouldn't it be awesome to have a job to watch a movie and just your whole job was just going, alright, I totally wouldn't do that. I wouldn't keep my keys on the dashboard while I'm at McDonald's. You know?

Because it seems like there's so many movies you're into and then you're like, oh, what? That's so gay. It seems like they could be cool. Have a bunch of nitpickers. Yes. Professional Hollywood nitpickers. Yes! That's it. You should start an agency. You should. They have that thing where they do Professional Hollywood Nitpickers Yes Nitpickers You should start an agency

You should They have that thing Where they do Top nitpickers Where people go to see TV shows And they go in Right

It's probably They probably have that already And it's like the gaffer But we just never knew What the gaffer was But it's like If you're bugging one person You're probably bugging

A whole bunch of people Yeah Totally And people just deal with it You know It's like girls That won't tell you That your breath stinks

But the more you have to do that The the more it takes you out of the movie. Totally, yeah. Well, there's some scenes like that in Avatar, definitely. There's a couple of scenes like that. Well, that's a good scene. You didn't have to do it. There was a few cliches that were so extreme. It was almost like it wasn't even a movie.

It was like, this is how clunky some of the acting was. Even Sigourney Weaver was so clunky. It wasn't like it was a movie. It was like, you know how you go to Universal Studios and you go on a ride and before the ride you play that little video? It was like that. Oh really? And you're like, ugh, what? And then you're like, okay, go back in. But you're not fully back in. You've got to come out and... The cliches were just so off the charts.

They had Zombieland. It was pretty good. The chicks that are lying at the end, it was almost like you had me at hello. And you're like, what are you doing? And all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I'm watching a movie. Yeah, but isn't that

what that whole movie was kind of about? Cheesy humor mixed with zombies and stuff? This is what I want to know. Is there a single human being that saw the ads for that fucking

let me tell you about the Morgans? You know, the movie with Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant. The new one that's out now Tell You About the Morgans the movie with Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant, the new one that's out now something about the Morgans. Is there a fucking single human who saw that ad and went, fuck yeah.

Yeah, there had to be. I'm sure there's huge Sarah Jessica Parker fans. Yeah, but even a huge Sarah Jessica Parker fan doesn't give a fuck about Hugh Grant. There's gotta be somebody. Who was coked out of their mind when they greenlit that fucking movie? I think we've got a winner here.

We've got Hugh Grant and we've got Sarah Jessica Parker. And then someone pulls the guy aside. Yeah, but it's 2010. It must suck too if you're a screenwriter. It's not 1980. You're like, I'm thinking about Brad Pitt and Julie and Julie. It's awesome. And then the studio comes back and says, hey, instead of that, we're going with these guys.

We want to keep a little low budget. You'd be like no no. Why would you? Well they're committed. They have two

projects going right now. It'll be at least a year and a half. This script is so good. We don't need

stars. We don't need beauty. We don't need talent. Your script is so good. We want a guy

that got arrested for getting blown by black hookers. Remember that? Disgusting ones. Yeah. Ruined his career, sort of, but not really, right?

He kind of came back after that. They all come back. You know, you could get busted doing something like that if you're an actor, and for some reason, it's okay. You've got to have projects in the works already. They don't want to eat the money. Yes. Kramer didn't have anything in the works.

Yeah, if you've got projects in the works... Well, he never had anything in the works. He's a weird fuck. Like, Mel Gibson had, like, three things coming. What are they going to do? Not show them? Let's talk shit about Kramer didn't have Anything in the works Yeah if you got Projects in the works Well he never had Anything in the works He's a weird fuck Like Mel Gibson Had like three things Coming so what are They gonna do Not show him

Let's talk shit About Kramer Did you Did you ever Have to deal with him The Jews Did you ever Have to deal with him

At the comedy store Yeah I saw him Not in a bad way I saw him When he got there And I was like Oh cool Kramer's here

You know He just always felt Like he wasn't really there Yeah he wasn't But then you saw him On stage Like oh this isn't good But then he saw him on stage, and he was like, oh, this isn't good. And then people stopped being weirded out by him.

I called you that night before it happened. I was like, dude, Kramer's here. He's fucking on crack or something. He's with some crazy chick. And then an hour later, that all happened. It was either Brent Ernst or Maz Jabrani. Was he the one who told us? He came back from the laugh factory

and told us. He was like, Brent. What is he? Brent. B-R-E-T. Yeah, Brent. That's what I was saying. I thought you said Brent.

I thought you said Brent. No, I said Brent. You said Brent. I said Brent. Anyway, he came over and just told us, dude, Kramer went fucking crazy. Started yelling at people.

We were like, what? But we thought it was like another one of those things. In the world of comedy, you always hear about some shit like, hey, you hear what happened to the comic store last night? Don Barris pulled his cock out and slapped some lady in the face. You're like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, she's suing, man. It's getting crazy.

That's normal for us. Cool. I wish I would have been there. I left like an hour ago. Yeah, you'd be pissed off. That's one of the things about the old school comedy stores. You never wanted to go home because you never knew what the fuck was going to happen. I made the mistake of thinking a show was over where a guy was miming out being broken up with by a porn star as she started fondling and touching her boyfriend that was there. And he was like, please, Pete Carboni, please take me back.

I can change. And then they got on stage and I thought it was done. I was like, ah, that was a great night. And I left. Later, that porn star was fucking her boyfriend right to the side of the stage. While everybody was watching. Yeah what there's some stage crazy goddamn I'm like why would I have gone home it just seemed like it's all wrapped up that shit will happen all the time to come so you never know you're gonna see

there a lot of seeing everything out of penis at the comedy store seems like everyone was showing you your dick why do you comedy comics like that so it's so funny because it's fun lipstick. Limp dick is hilarious. Limp dick with your ball sacks just hanging there. Flaccid gross penises. It's something else. What was the chick's name

that was on stage where Joey was in the back of the room at the original room and he came out and kept pulling his balls out and she thought she was killing? He would come out.

She was terrible. She was a terrible comedian. Christy. I forget what her name was. No, no, no. Anyway, whatever the chick's name was. She's on stage, and she's one of those lifers that had been doing comedy like 20-plus years, but had never made a living out of it.

The comedy store kind of kept those people around. Whereas those people, the really crazy people that are not really in the world of comedy, but they're sort of in the world of comedy, they don't get up at the improv. But at the store, those people would get up on a regular basis. And they really want their stage time. And they want to run

through their jokes. And you don't see them and panic when you see them on the lineup because you thought they would clear the room out. They would. They usually will.

Clear that fucking room. Eight times out of ten. Yeah, and so anyway, so she's on stage and every time she goes near a punchline, because we've all seen her act a million times,

Jilly Diaz is behind her. The way the original room worked, you could actually sneak up on somebody while they're on stage, open up the curtain, grab them, and pull them into the darkness. There's a curtain right there. And you can fully stand back there. Totally stand. Plenty of room. You've got, like, this much room.

So Joey goes back there, takes all his fucking clothes off, and every time she hits the punchline he pulls open the curtain and starts shaking his balls and his big giant grapefruit balls are slapping around and then he would close it back up and she didn't see shit she thought she was slaying yeah she thought she was slaying she's like oh you guys like that one like she was all jolly and happy like all of a sudden she figured comedy out like yes my hard work has come to fruition. And when that happens to you, the whole back row fills up with comedians. Yes.

And the comedian that's on stage is like, oh, cool, the comics are watching me. They, whatever. Nope. We've seen so much crazy shit at that place. The comedy store, the old school hangouts were the best part about the comedy store. The audiences were some of the worst ever, which is one of the reasons why you develop like, like people always say like,

you know, Oh, you know, you're always dealing with hecklers. Like, uh, you know, what,

what does that like? Is that, is that freaking out? Like when you start out in the comedy store, dude, you have to deal with hecklers. Yeah. It's not every time,

but it's like one out of five. The only time they get rid of the guy is when violence is about to happen. It gets to the point of violence. People are standing up screaming at people. You really need audience members to come to the booth to complain about a different audience member. Yeah, you need people ready to stab people for them to do anything. Otherwise, they wouldn't do shit. So you develop that style, the style that you have and I have and Joey has,

where you could just flip around you don't say you're you're at from beginning to end like some people especially like a lot of guys who start out in clubs like in new york you get really short sets you know you don't get to around on stage for a half an hour or an hour you know you don't get like those those nice long sets and when you get those nice long sets. And when you get those nice long sets, then you can put material where you want it and fuck around and be loose. And it's got more of a flow to it. Yeah, I was talking about this with people showcasing.

It's like you have to do some seven-minute sets to get ready. Because you don't have time to like, hey, what's up, everybody? You don't have time at all. Go, go, go and get off. Isn't it frustrating to you when you have to do a TV show and you have to do like seven minutes? You're like, shit.

There's not enough time. It's a bit and a half, two bits. And you don't know how to set it up. It's like, yeah, this is a good good bit but it's really good after I've been talking for 10 minutes you know my personality you know where I'm coming from different it's a different yeah yeah it's totally do seven minutes that's only pretty much are better at that yeah no yeah they're more realize their potential than someone who's reduced to long sets it has to cut it down yeah you

get used to what you can get away with cuz you can't really dig a hole. And you really know you're pacing better. If you dig a hole in seven minutes, like there's bits that I have where I know like the baby blowjob bit, that's a possible hole.

Yeah. Any time that someone can fall into that one. You can't open and close with it. You can't open with that fucking thing. People will be like, what?

Yeah. No, you can't talk about this yet. I don't know how you think. But if they know how you think, they know, oh, this guy's just being silly.

He's just fucking around. He's a really nice guy. And he realizes this is all in fun. We're just having a good time up here. Then people will accept craziness.

If they know it's all bullshit. But if they don't know you, you can't just go on stage and you might have this killer brilliant bit, but you'll do the first opening line of it and they'll just start

eating it right away. And you're like, fuck. It's like, wow, I haven't when you're over like fuck now I've got a hole I have a four minute hole I have to fill the side I've just dropped a bit right now it's like fuck it

I'm going to do something else I mean real comedy is in front of an audience and comedy any comedy on television even comedy like when I felt like

I did my comedy special like I'm happy that people could get a hold of it but it's really just an ad to get them to come see it it's a bastardized version of the real thing. Yeah, I mean, it's nice. It's got the material down,

and you can see it without having to drive across the country to where... Yeah, and people are like, well, what's the difference? I can still see the jokes. I can see exactly what they saw. It's like, no, you don't, because what you miss is the connection you try to make with an audience, and you weren't in that audience, and then you didn't feel that.

You didn't feel and hear the same things you heard. that's a huge point right there the connection because it is a connection not just the jokes that are written yes it's not it's you can't discount it it's a real there's a real thing that's happening with you in the audience yeah it's very strange it's like um like almost like like a psychic connection you know like there's moments where they know exactly what you're thinking and you can just pause and consider something and they'll start laughing because they know

by, based on, you know, the gone, yeah, they're going there with you. It's their going there with you. I try not to judge other comics

by watching them on TV, but I do. Yeah, I do too. I try not to judge other comics by watching them on TV, but I do. I don't know,

maybe, maybe it was. Yeah, same thing. It's hard not to. It still looks right. It looks like somebody just sent me

a tape of some guy check out this guy I think he's really funny and I was like watching the clip and I'm like no no

I saw this Laurie Kilmartin remember her in New York I think January 1st or 2nd she was doing a show and somebody threw

a roll at her a bread roll and it was just a heckler video and I was watching and I was like yeah that's pretty good. But if I was there, I'd be like, oh, this is fucking great.

You don't know what's going to happen. You're caught up in the moment. It's a completely different thing. And she knows that about the crowd. That's how she does it a certain way. People love that, when moments just happen when you're in the middle of a show. Stand-up comedy really is sort of like a mass hypnosis. It's like some weird mass connection with people.

And what you're doing with a video is you're just hoping that someone will sort of get a little bit of that connection. You'll get a little vibration of it, just like a faint memory of that connection. You get the material and you understand the good writing and all that stuff

but there's a moment that happens when you're on stage and you're killing. You know that moment where it's just a weird feeling, man. I don't think too many people

understand that. You know? What people talk about like, oh, is comedy scary? It's not scary. People want to have a good time. You just got to do what you're supposed to do.

Put in the work, write a lot, perform a lot, do it with the right state of mind do it the right? Intentions do it all for fun. As long as you work your if you're intelligent and you've been doing it You know how to do it. Just fucking do it man. The only time I heard is called scary Jonathan Gossack was a stage once I don't know like 11th or whatever it was. And he was just killing. Right from the start, he started fucking destroying. And you see him about 10 or 12 minutes ago. I've done that.

And then he hiccups because he realized this might be the best set of all time. And then he's like, yeah. And the last three minutes was probably like a B plus, A minus. And he was like, oh. But he was like, oh my god, I'm doing so well. He felt responsible for the rest of the set. I've totally done that. Have you ever talked yourself out of killing? Yeah, we're like, what? god, I'm doing so well. He felt responsible for the rest of the set. I was like, how did I? I've totally done that. Have you ever, you talked yourself out of killing?

Yeah, we were like, what? How can this be this good? I started eating it. I remember there was a set that I had when I first started doing comedy. For the first five minutes, I fucking crushed. And then I had a ten minute set. And then I dropped a glass. Yeah.

I just fumbled, dropped the glass, and didn't even address it. I didn't say a fucking word. Because you were so nervous about killing? Yeah. You were kind of straight. And then the next five minutes I just ate shit. I fucking ate shit, man. It was like I went from everybody laughing and, wow, this guy's really funny.

What a great choice. We picked a comedy show. This is awesome. Because it was like in some weird place in the middle of Rhode Island. It wasn't even a comedy show this is awesome because it was like in some weird place in the middle of Rhode Island it wasn't even a comedy club it was like one of these little uh little comedy gigs that you would get where you know you chop it and do a guest spot like before you were actually getting paid you know it took me like a year before I ever got any paid sets but before that year there was always guys that had like these little bar rooms and you can go

up and do 10 minutes like in Boston they developed a whole network of those. There were shows everywhere. They had comedy night all over the place. When I was doing comedy, they had three comedy clubs on one block, Warrington Street, three on one block. And our fourth one opened upstairs. They were all packed. It was crazy. And then you had another one that was only a block away. That was a little Dick Daugherty place. And then you had another one, Stitches a block away that was a little Dick Daugherty place And then you had another one stitches that was only a couple miles away And then on route one you had two huge ones you had the cow loons and you had giggles These are like full-time clubs like giggles wasn't Collins, maybe I think was just a weekend one too, but the other ones were seven day a week clubs

How many people in Boston? I don't know there's a few million, but it was crazy man. There was stitches There was duck soup, which was later later became the improv and then there was of course nick's comedy stuff there were so many fucking clubs it was the most incredible play it was so lucky just a total streak of luck that i was in boston in 1988 when i wanted to do comedy because that was like that was like Mecca. So much stage time. And it was Mecca for the whole country. For whatever reason, that one place

developed all these comics. I mean, like him or not, Dennis Leary, what's his face, Stephen Wright, and then guys you've never heard of, Jay Leno, of course, Nick DiPaolo, Anthony Clark. Anthony Clark back then was a murderer, dude. I remember seeing him on TV doing his jokes.

Yeah, he, you know, I think he got a television show and things started happening for him. And I just think a lot of stuff didn't fall into place. But when I was starting out back in Boston, Ari Shaffir moved away from the camera. So my grandma doesn't see it. Oh, it's grandma. Start taking some questions. That nosy bitch, she's still watching you use streams? Start taking some questions.

Yeah, you got so many people asking you shit. No, man. Shit happens. You can't, Brian. What the fuck, Brian? No, no, no. You know, no, no. Let me tell you something, man.

Let me tell you something how this shit works, okay? When you're on the radio show, you never have someone telling you to take some questions. Yeah, they always say that. You say, hey, let's take some calls when they want to. When there's a break. When there's a break in the action. That was a break in the conversation, so I said, let's take some questions. This smells like marijuana. What's wrong with you people?

Let's do it. Let's take some questions. What are some questions? No! No, no. You get reception in here. AT&T is fucking good up here. Yeah.

Verizon sucks up here. Yeah, Verizon's terrible up here, but AT&T's the bomb diggity up here. But Verizon's better everywhere else. And I'm going to get something hooked up where you can have Verizon in your house through the internet. You have like a little internet thing. And it's like Wi-Fi through your house. So even if where you live doesn't have good internet, you want to get it off that.

It's actually, what it does is it uses your Wi-Fi and it rebroadcasts Hey, this ain't radio. I know it's not radio, but I mean a precedent has been set, sir. I would try to... We're doing it like radio. This guy, Tobias Holft,

he's saying Red Band hit him already. Listen, fella, you got a lot of pent-up anxiety. You want this question answered. We're friends, all right? You gave it to him. We're friends here. No one's hitting anybody, goddammit. Just settle the fuck down.

So many angry people that hang out in the UFC community. Well, it's not just the UFC community. It's in the world, man. There's a lot of angry motherfuckers out there. But I've noticed since the UFC. Yeah, the economy's in the shitter. We're in two fucking wars that make zero sense. There's a lot of angry fucking people out there, man.

Yeah, but there's a lot of UFC people that I've noticed that have come on to your message board lately that has kind of taken over the comedy crowd, and they're either cool, which a lot of them are cool. A lot of them are cool. But there are so many dumbasses and fucking morons and fighter guys. It's true, but the beauty of that message board is the retard room.

That's the beautiful thing. I have this killer message board on joerogan.net. It's board on JoeRogan.net. It's forums.JoeRogan.net. And these forums, we have it set up so people are just generally instructed to be cool with each other, don't be retarded, post interesting shit, talk about things. And occasionally someone will fucking blow up or they get retarded, they get stupid, they get angry, they get aggro, they start fights. And so then we send them to the retard room.

And we have a special room that's just for everyone in it has been deemed a retard. I mean, you're not all retarded. I know some of you are probably just young and some of you had a tough life and you're crazy. I don't hate you. I just don't want you fucking up the conversations. And when people fuck up the conversations for more than, you know, a certain couple, two or three times, we send them to this retard this retard room it's the greatest invention ever I don't know whose it was whose idea was it I forget Crescent wrench was the guy who came up the idea where everybody should have to post porn that was his idea which is cool yeah that was

the original creepy you got to fuck it wasn't about cool I'm cool look here's a naked woman I'm cool it became like let me see a better porn asshole yeah and it became like a website where you could just get porn I mean you wouldn't have to go anywhere else

but my website to get porn it was videos and now with those there's fucking those you porns and X movies big giant ass

fucking pictures Pornhub yeah they're huge they're like twice as big as YouTube and they look good you know what's funny is that also the people that were most addicted to porn ass fucking pictures. Pornhub. Yeah, they're huge. They're twice as big as YouTube. Pornhub you can search by categories. And they look good. You know what's funny

is that also the people that were most addicted to porn and had the best porn photos were the most popular people. So actually we were friends with the most

creepy people. Yeah. We were friends with people that were like seven gigabytes full. Right. Fairly legal. Kids who would go

to strip clubs when the girls were performing with like magazines for her to sign. Uh huh. Yeah. I met Gina Lynn. She's really legal. Dudes who will go to strip clubs when the girl's performing with magazines for her to sign. Uh-huh. Yeah. I met Gina Lynn. She's really pretty.

She's very nice. She's actually cool. She's actually really cool. She's a nice person. She's not doing porn very much longer. I love that they like them because of porn

and then they're proud that they're not doing porn. Yeah, then they want them out. Just picking up for them. You can do better than this. I just want you to know. Some dudes are just into it.

Bella said she's done with porn. Wow. She's done acting in them. What is she going to do now? Just produce. Wow. She's going to become a pimp. Yeah.

She's tired of baseball bats off the pooper, huh? I don't think she's tired of that. I don't know how anybody can get tired of that. She has the best tweets, man. She does. Because out of nowhere, she's like, oh, here, here's my asshole. And you're like, oh, that's great like oh it's great there it is and it really is like that too yeah she sends you nsfw not safe for work i think you need a bigger warning than loads dripping out of your gaping asshole that's not

just not that's not safe for life. That's ridiculous. You're showing me, you're showing the whole world, you're like right to the butthole. Like not mysterious lips and sucking on fingers and taunting you with lingerie. Uh-uh. She loves it. Wide open butthole with sperm squirting out. That's what she's into. God damn. She's on to flowers.

That bitch goes deep. She goes deep. She takes it to another level. She does. She set the bar like a motherfucker. Uh-huh. I've never seen anybody shove a baseball bat up their ass like that. It's a loss to the community. It's a huge loss. It's like Jordan retiring the first time. It is.

It is. Who's the dirtiest girl in porn now? Sasha Gray? Now that she's gone? Is she dirty? She's supposed to be really dirty. I thought she was just a good marketer. I don't think she's way dirtier than the rest of them uh... she looks pretty dirty jesus what happened brian brian's at my job thing bouncing on the time you don't know the fuck you're doing

this is a story behind this thing behind us and i'm i'm to put something in front of it so it doesn't fucking fall down. Is that a bunch of pot on the ground? Yep. I'm in the business of running here. There it goes. All right. This sign, when Doug Stanhope and I were hosting the man show there was a segment called make me hard and the segment

we had like boxes attached to dudes dicks and like we would show them things like a midget eating a banana and we would decide oh he's getting a hard on ding ding ding it was really stupid but the whole reason for the bit was so that we could use this tranny

and in the bit we had this tranny and she was really stupid. But the whole reason for the bit was so that we could use this tranny. And in the bit, we had this tranny, and she was really hot. I mean, she's fucking super hot. Like, my friend Eddie saw her in a car once, and he goes, damn, that bitch is hot. Look at her. And I go, dude, that's a tranny. And he goes, no fucking way. I go, yeah, we used her on the man show.

So I'm like, hey, what's up? How you doing? So anyway, we got this guy with the box on. So the idea is that we show him all this stuff that's not not sexy like guys playing with their nipples big fat guys and their light would go off you know uh midgets eating a banana their light would go off and then we had this super hot chick and she's rubbing on him and she's touching him and nothing nothing's happening his light is not going off and she's pulls her tits out the fucking audience is going crazy and he's sucking whipped cream off her tits and then she pulls her cock out and her cock is this wrinkled shriveled up little poison dick because it's a real dick like she used to be a man but she's been injecting herself with so

many female hormones that her dick is like like a dick that's been poisoned it was like a a monkey that got shot with a poison dart which you would imagine his dick would look like it was like dark and shriveled up and then of course the lights going off like crazy ding ding ding ding ding ding ding but they let us do all this what they didn't let us do was call it make me hard they wanted to call it make me stiff and that was like a legitimate argument so you changed it so we had to change it from make me hard to make me step it was your choice I just say you're gonna put your foot down as a creative yeah so no it's not without hard it's not the same or but that's how dumb it is when you're dealing with

network television that's that how dumb their arguments. It's like everybody wants to change something. And they really believe that they have to change something to get your respect. That you're going to have to listen to them. And they want to come in and none of them are creative. I thought it would be more offensive to more people. How could that be more offensive? How could the word hard be more offensive than the word stiff? That doesn't even make any sense.

Stiff to me sounds even more like pokey could the word hard be more offensive than the word stiff? That doesn't even make any sense. Stiff to me sounds like even more like pokey. You know? Like make me hard is like ugh, it's like you're rare in the grill. Make me stiff is like you're stabbing somebody with it. Like eh. You know? It's like they don't even want your dick. You just get them stiffy. That doesn't sound fun.

But that's how dumb the arguments are, man. Today, ladies and gentlemen, we're learning the difference between connotative value and denotative value. All right, Shafir, educated to the masses, giving you knowledge. Where's the laptop? It'd be easier to read off the laptop. Go to Twitter. It's fucking your feed up.

Your internet. Yeah, it's so weak. But that will be fixed tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to do this every week. We're going to start taking some questions now. This Twitter feed's coming too fucking fast. It's crazy when your Twitter feed's going faster than a chat room usually does, you know?

Shit is... What are the big news stories? Is that Lenny Bruce on the wall? No, that's a picture of me from my first CD. This dude made it with snake blood. Some crazy dude sent it to me. He makes paintings with snake blood. Some crazy dude sent it to me. He makes paintings with snake blood. And I lost that dude's email.

So if he gets to see this, the dude who makes paintings with snake blood, thank you very much for the picture. It's pretty fucking dope. And it's up there. These questions are so hard. It's hard to read this shit, man. What's going on in the news right now? The Nexus phone's coming out.

No, no. Terrorism, Brian. Oh. Fucking phone free. They don't use those kind of phones, Joe. These people don't use those phones? No, the terrorist people. Oh, okay.

I don't know what you're saying do do do do god damn this is impossible to read I'm way too high to be reading this moving shit any updates on the skie? Because it keeps moving. On what? Artie Laird. What are you going to hospital for? There's so many rumors floating around. I heard. There's a report, but it doesn't say why. Yeah, I haven't heard anything official.

No. I've heard some crazy shit, though. Like what? Drinking bleach, stabbing himself in the stomach. Fucking. God. I hope that's not real. Fingering his asshole. What?

Don't make that up. That's not funny. Did you hear that? Not the fingering his asshole, of course. That's all I heard. No one heard overdosing? I thought that was not real. Fingering his asshole. What? Don't make that up. Did you hear that? Not the fingering his asshole, of course. That's all I heard. No one heard overdosing? I thought that was funny. What?

No one heard overdosing? That wasn't a rumor? I think that's just obvious. I think that's just obvious. But I heard drinking bleach. Like he tried to drink bleach and like suicide. God, that's so scary. What if he started coming to a hospital just to get a checkup?

And then it's overblown. It's probably not the case. Yeah. Did you hear the Howard Stern show this week? No, I haven't heard it at all. It's probably old news. Everyone probably knows what's happening. He's probably fine.

Did you hear about Tiger Woods? I just love saying that. I don't even have any news. Did you hear about the new thing with the whiskey or the bottles of vodka and Red Bull and the three hot chicks came up to his room? He shoved them up their pussy? Maybe.

Oh. He ordered 20 bottles of vodka. 20? Yeah, and a case of Red Bull. And had three really hot chicks up in his room. That's how he celebrated New Year's. This year? Yes.

This year? Yes. This year? Yes. This year? Yes. There's also a porn video being shot around here. Wait, how do you know that? Where did that come from? It was in the news.

That he was celebrating... That's how he celebrated New Year's. TMZ apparently was there. Wait, he didn't just say, I thought he hadn't left his house. I think he just said, fuck it, you know? This year?

I could see in the past. This year? I think he just said, fuck it. This year? I could see in the past. This year? I think he just said, fuck it. I'm tired of this bullshit. I'm just going to live. I'm going to live my life. Honestly, if he just answered questions for like six months, it'd be over. He'd be like, yeah, I'd like to fuck people.

Who's out there? Not only that, he has so much money that he doesn't have to work ever again. He can keep working, though. He can keep playing golf. Right. He can totally play golf, but he doesn't need the endorsements anymore. He'll still crush people. Yeah. He'll get the endorsements back

He'll get different endorse you know the exam is gonna sponsor who's winning these tournaments Yeah, who they keep showing on Sunday most of the time. Yeah, let's put our fucking logo on his bag It's a lot of money in that golf, huh? That's a businessman sport. There's so much money in in big golf. Yeah It's like no offense. you get Jeff Ogilvie as your main guy it just doesn't carry as much weight do you think people that go into golf thinking that you're gonna make money off it though it's so hard I think it's the same as any sport basketball one of the major sports basketball baseball football that you go into it going like I love playing I'm

like all-star like all-conference you know I think I go to a I think I go to a big division one school in the back of your head you're like I want to make all star I want to make all conference you know I think I can go to a I think I can go to a big division one school in the back of your head you're like I want to play pro yeah I'm sure right but it's just that you know the hardest thing about becoming a professional at anything difficult like golf or you know whatever playing football or any sport

is the saying okay this is what I'm going to do because you don't have a fucking backup plan if that's what you're going to do oh yeah it's't have a fucking backup plan if that's what you're going to do. Oh, yeah. It's the scratcher. The guy who just makes ties, gets on a tour, gets to go to Q School,

scratch off a fucking, you know, eighth place finish on a Best Buy tour for eight grand. God. You know, hopefully. Yeah. It's just similar with fighters, too. I see some of them that are fighting for eight and eight.

You fight three fights a year and you're getting 30 grand. I just see the graphic. Oh, Brian's having little conversations all of his own someone said winning is everything Cody Ness would you bang Tiger Woods wife right now I think no

because she'd be very vulnerable and I would feel bad about that but I would fuck the life out of her Tiger Woods' wife. Right now, I think no, because she'd be very vulnerable. And I would feel bad about that. But Ari would fuck the life out of me. I didn't even consider the vulnerable part. I think you got to think. She's a grown woman. Poor girl. You know, she's having a hard time right now.

Do I have to rape her? No, she wants to fuck you. She wants to do it. She wants to fuck you. She needs someone to hold her. And then as she's holding you, you grab her ass and she says nothing. And then you just go for it. Yeah.

But she doesn't really like grab your dick. You grab her hand and put her in your dick and she just goes with it. Does she get into it when she's doing that? Sort of a little bit, but she feels bad. So the whole time she's like... It sounds like a terrible lie. I think I'd still go for it. You'd still go for it?

I think I'd still go for it. I would be go for it? I think I'd still go for it. I would be disappointed, though. I'd be like, you know what? Yeah, that would be very disappointing. It wouldn't leave me with a great feeling. Yeah, it wouldn't be the... If she got really into it, though. If she gave it, say, her B game.

Yeah. Just a BB plus game. I think I'd be super pleased. It's so much more important to have a chick that's really into it. It's so important. Yeah. A hot chick that's not into it. But there's a point of diminishing's so important. Yeah. A hot chick that's not into it. But there's some point,

there's a point of diminishing returns. Right. You know? Like a super hot chick who just lays there is way better. That's not as good

as a one step down who goes crazy. But it is better than eight steps down who gives it a little bit. Like at a certain point, there's like a point. At a certain weight,

certain smell, it's like, okay, okay, I'll take the hot chick that doesn't move. Intuit gives you quarter credit. Hotness gives you full credit. Here's the thing that gets me. Those robot things.

Those dolls. Those real dolls. Would you fuck one of those? I don't think I would fuck one of those. I've fucked pillows before. I would definitely fuck one of those. I wouldn't invest a lot of money into it. I would rather jerk off than fuck that thing. I'd try it out.

I mean, how could that possibly be good? Do you think that's good? I don't know. I mean, sometimes lotion feels better than not lotion. Yeah, but it feels weird, man. It's still in business. There's one thing to fantasize and masturbate. There's another thing to fuck a rubber doll.

I think it's the same thing. That's a totally different level. I think it's the same thing. That's a totally different rubber. I think it's the same thing. I think if it feels right, just an extension of that. It's 3D versus 2D. Same shit. It just gives you more texture.

True, but it's a thing. It's not your imagination with auto-manipulation. It's a thing. You're fucking with a thing. It's all been off. I disagree. You're fucking a rubber thing. Yeah, and if it feels good,

and as you're closing your eyes and doing this, if you can feel something that feels good and as you're like closing your eyes and doing like this if you can feel something that feels like skin you're like oh it's better here's my point it seems much more humiliating if someone catches you

jerking off if someone catches you you're like okay what the fuck if someone catches you fucking a rubber doll you feel like shit and I think you're supposed

to feel like shit if someone catches you that would be worse well that's because I think you're supposed to feel like shit for doing that that's a fucking creepy

thing you're doing you're fucking a rubber dog, you weirdo. You should just jerk off. Oh, powerful gum. Now we're going to make chewing noises. This is the chewing noises portion of the program. Alright, ladies and gentlemen. This guy says about real dolls, Dave Broomfield says they look awesome.

Talking, taking them to dinner is awkward though. Did you ever see that movie, Lars and the Real Doll? No, I never saw it. This guy is ridiculous. You know, if you were somebody that never got laid, like ever. Oh, yeah. By the way, did you guys watch that Conveyor of Love, that show? No.

Oh, that's great. What is that? It's a new reality show where, like, four hot chicks just have a conveyor belt in front of them, and they just send guys down. The guy has, like, 20 seconds to impress them, or they just go, get out of here, and he gives them off on the conveyor belt. And then at the end of like 100 guys, then they take

them on a date. And so then there was one... It's so demeaning. Yeah, there's one chick's like, oh, I just want that guy. I just want to do him so bad. It was like a guy with no shirt on and a puppy. And then the next person would be like a stand-up comic, like, do you like fire? And he had like a fireball Because this song is right after

The Bachelor whatever the batch I was right after the matches that ABC ABC I said what do they choose like four out of ten like well? Yes. No no Yeah, conveyor of love and then all the people they choose to go on dates with them later Yeah, and then the dates were awful like Like, this one guy's like, crazy. Oh, you guys gotta download it. How incredible is that? This one chick got stuck with this fat guy that had, like, really ugly hair by mistake

because it's a game. You could steal other people. Oh, no! If there's two girls that want the guy, then the guy has to decide between the two girls. And they're just blunt. This might be the greatest show of all time. Oh, it's great.

It's so bad. It's just like, let's see how much more we can let people demean themselves right do you remember that show temptation island do you remember that that shit was hilarious that was good too how crazy was that they would take these fucking chicks and tell them to try to get these guys to cheat and film everything they did and they would still cheat and they would fuck the girls yes there was a girl who worked for fear factor that was one of the girls yeah basically

I mean they have to be attracted to the I don't know it's not on American soil they're not paying them to fuck them they're paying them to flirt but the interview process is with stealing go through with whatever happens. If something happens, you should kill it. Did any girl feel like, as Kissing was like, okay, stop?

I don't know. That's a good question. I don't remember watching it. I think that would be highly discouraged. I just remember Mrs. Rogan being so upset at it. Mrs. Rogan did not like it. She was like, oh, that's a terrible show. So mean.

Those weak motherfuckers, they got the weakest, dumbest. And it's like they know they're being filmed, but eventually they're like, fuck it. Poor fools. Dude, just wrecked their lives on TV. Cheaters is so fake, by the way. Did you know that? Cheaters is fake. But not always, because you got stabbed for real. No, look at the stab video now.

That's not real? Look at it now. It's like watching E.T now and you know you see how fake it is if you watch the stabbing video of cheaters now our brains have gotten past that and now it's so fake looking like he's like this he's like this he's like oh oh oh and no one's like helping him out and he's just like there's four people just filming him and stuff and he's just sitting there yeah dude it it looks like watching E.T. now. Really?

Yeah, you're just like, that's a fake alien. That's what it looks like. We're going to Google that right now, and this is the beauty of the internet, bitches. Can you turn it off so we watch with them? No. Joey Greco from Cheaters Get Stabbed. All right, so I'm going to do the stabbing. Now, I want you guys to look at it like, all right, is that real?

No. Would this really happen? Do the look at it like, all right, is that real? No. Would this really happen? Do the one above it. Is that the one? Oh, wait. This one? Cheaters get even? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cheaters get even is what it is when you look it up on YouTube. See how slow my internet is? So whack. I'm wearing a woot shirt.

Are you? I'm wearing Triumph United. That was probably staged. First comment on YouTube, the dude says, that was probably staged. I don't see that shit. We're watching it right now, ladies and gentlemen.

This is like when we were watching Two Girls, One Cup, except this shit is live over the internet right now. We're about to watch Joey Greco from cheaters the one comment says I hope Joey is going to be okay this happened four years ago the comments from three days ago I hope Joe it's going to be okay and you know what's even creepy about that I think I want to find her stuff later I bet it's real yeah let's go read her posts and by the way when you get your internet hooked up we'll be able to show them what we're watching.

Just can't do it right now. That will be hooked up next week. Well, it'll be hooked up tomorrow. Yeah, next week's episode.

We're going to do this every week, folks. Alright, here's the cheaters thing. Let's watch it from the beginning.

I wasn't really paying attention. By the way, it's beautifully filmed. Okay. let's watch it in the beginning I wasn't gonna pay attention by the way it's beautifully filmed okay Oh some guy gets thrown into the water okay somebody's been stabbed, by the way. Alright, hold on, hold on. Don't say anything.

Hey, yeah, hold the camera, don't help him out. He's just been stabbed. Oh, that looks real. Well, you've got to think, though, that if he did get stabbed, the guy's a failed actor, and he's going to ham it up, even if he did get stabbed. And if he hammed it up,

he's going to ham it up. If you were stabbed, I wouldn't be holding a camera and stuff I'd be like all right. Can you do it? We don't explain just I'm sure this is available. We can find this out online. Okay, Joey Greco is that was name is no Joey, stay with me, I need you to stay as conscious as possible, okay? Yeah, I gotta be honest with you, it looks pretty funny. Okay, and there's another part.

If I had a guess. Joe, there's another part in the video where they got the guy that stabbed him. Ooh, right here. Cheaters host Joey Greco stabbing with stage, says paid actor. Look at that. And this just came out in November. It's an addition. So this is a recent finding. So they're recently finding out that whole thing was staged.

Dude, I told you. Oh, my man called it. Dude, my brain has gotten past the part where I could just tell. Hold on a second. Cheaters has been on the air for nine years now documenting scorned lovers confronting their cheating partners in the act with a camera crew in tow. It's like an episode of Jerry Springer filled blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Inside Edition reports today the stabbing was faked and as was a relationship shown on at least one episode.

Go to the Inside Edition website. I'm always a little weirded out by reality blurred websites, if those are just made up or not. That's a good point. Might be just InsideEdition.com's a good point might be just inside edition.com that might not even be the story right inside edition.com my internet's so weak wow there's another part where they have the guy that stabbed him in a chokehold if you're in a chokehold wouldn't you just his hands just like this look wouldn't you be like trying to punch the guy in the face that has you in the chokehold or trying to undo the chokehold his arms like this and the guy has him in a chokehold and his arms is to his side

not doing anything yeah this ain't shit okay investigates cheaters is it all a hoax each week millions of viewers blah blah blah every episode blah blah blah blah blah bobby goldstein the show's owner executive producer is adamant that every episode is real. Bobby Goldstein, you're so full of shit. Bobby Goldstein, you're a fucking liar, dude. Goldstein. Bobby Goldstein, the show's owner and executive producer, is adamant that every episode is real. Yes, you're showing real people.

Those are real people. Those are real. They're not holograms. They're not cartoons. No, no, it's real. But they're acting, motherfucker. Those are real people. They're not holograms. They're not cartoons. No, no, it's real. But they're acting, motherfucker. Come on, man. There's some reshot scenes left and right on that show.

It's obvious. Now the popular... Shut the fuck up, whore. I was going to say. Fucking sheet talking. That's the inside edition, bro. That's probably what she's going to say when it's printed here. That's a goddamn lie.

Let that load up and I'll say what she has to say. Are you taking my mom's internet, Joe? No, I did. This is just like it. While it's running the website, while it's running the webcam, I've got no juice. I've got nothing. The whole thing was fabricated. Correct, says Wyatt.

All right, so it's not real at all, says Carrie Wyatt, who tells Inside Edition she was paid $500 to appear in an episode of Cheaters. She said she was asked to pretend that she was having a torrid affair with one guy while she was engaged to another. Huh. Well, that's a different story, though. No, but they're saying against what that guy said that every episode's real. They're just breaking what he's saying as fake. Oh, you. Hold on.

Inside Edition, your website sucks. Is this really an inside edition website? Yes, look, you have to hit on this little, put your cursor over this arrow to get your text to scroll down. I hate that. This is a link you follow from another guy's website. I wonder if this is all fake. Dude, look at it. No, this is insideedition.com.

Inside Edition is the worst website ever. Look, it's Flash-based. You have to hold your cursor over that. I fucking hate Flash. I'm done with Flash. This is the weakest thing I've ever seen. Oh, you can't take it and scroll down? No. You can't use your scroller.

You have to use their stupid thing, and you have to figure it out. I thought that that was the whole article, because it's actually cut off. It doesn't even say more at the bottom. Shame on you, Inside Edition. Your articles, your whole website sucks. So we're going to move off of it, bitch. But I think I would have to go with that was a hoax. Totally.

And rewatch it sometime. Watch when he's getting choked. And just watch his arm. If you're getting choked, your arm's not just going to be gently resting on your side. Hold on. This fellow Johnny Bananas has a question. He says, what do you think about the suicide bomber that was a CIA double agent? What the fuck

is he talking about? Dude, Kim Trails. Oh, the guy who killed all the CIA people? He was a double agent? Is that what it was? He was recruited by the Jordanians. Jordanians? And he was a CIA agent as well. Yeah, I don't know. He killed a bunch of really high level guys.

Yeah, I guess. Something like that. Those are like news know. He killed a bunch of, like, really high-level guys, right? Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Something like that. Those are, like, news stories. He killed... Damn. Yeah, so he was recruited by the CIA through the Jordanians, and they're like, no, the Jordanians never got him back, or I don't know what the story was. Wow.

I can't... I'm so high, I can't even type. I'm Googling the CIA suicide bomber news ticker. This is some crazy shit, ladies and gentlemen. In the meantime, look at this, guys. That's marijuana, sody pop. Root buzz. It's, um, I don't like it.

I don't like the feeling. It's, um, it's one of those almost like narcotic feelings. Really? Like you're like, ugh. You ever, you have one of these sodas? I don't like edibles as much anymore. Period. Really?

Yeah, I don't feel like tripping. I just want to get a little high and think about some shit. I don't want to invest that much day. Yeah. This is crazy shit there's a dude who's a CIA double agent

he's the suicide bomber and he blew himself up in a bunch of so he was what does that mean double agent well he was working

for the CIA pretending to be a CIA and also working for I guess Al Qaeda or the Taliban or whoever the hell it is

they sent him to blow everybody up. But he was a CIA agent. He was in. So that's how he killed so many of them. Where was it? Where did it happen?

I don't know. It's loading up. I think it said Jordan. So CIA recruited a local. Yeah, I guess. CIA operatives killed by double agent. That's pretty intense shit man suicide bomber killed seven seven central intelligence agents agency

operatives in Afghan Afghanistan last week was a Jordanian double agent who lured them into a meeting by promising information on al-qaeda leaders a former US intelligence official said so they he lured them in and just blew himself up he got them to come to him he's gonna give them some information and they're all in the room he just went BAM bomber had been more arrest him with a year ago by Jordanian authorities who thought they convinced him to work for them so the Jordanians thought they had gotten him to work for the Jordanians Wow they thought they can but that's the

Jordanian good guys yeah but how the fuck well supposedly you know how the fuck did they talk him into doing that he only got arrested a year ago so they had him for a year thought he was providing good intelligence god damn David Brock writing Good Intelligence. God damn. What a lokester that guy is, huh? Huh. He gets friends with him, gets them all in a room and then goes

and just does the whole thing. Just fucking blows himself up. How crazy is that? Oh, this is Brian's new kitty. You gotta see this, folks.

Brian's got a new kitty cat. Let me see this fucking glare. Can you see it? Is it a short-haired Persian? Is that what it is, Brian? Yeah, exotic short hair. Where'd you get them from? There's too much glare from this.

Oh, you know what? I'm stupid. Let me move this. Something that goes into my girlfriend's work as a breeder said she had kittens and Jessica wanted any and I was thinking just kittens

and then she showed me it and I was like oh my god that's like a real cat and I had to get it it's like a tomcat type thing we had such a good time with Tang last week we should get him a friend cats like having friends man calm cat type thing. We had such a good time with Tang last week. She was a little cat hour. We should get him a friend or something.

Yeah. Cats like having friends, man. My cat is a friend. You have to have friends. It's cool when there's like life all around you too. When you're at home and anywhere you go

there's something going on like a creature's like trying to create something or do something. That's what I feel living on Sunset. This man says Joey Greco is not his real name.

Wow. Well, that doesn't matter. Well, that doesn't matter. No, he's allowed to change his name. He's like Carl Spansea. He's fucking faking the funk. Ari Shafir. How many times have people mispronounced your name? All the time. But that's your fucking name, son. That's a part of who you are. You can't change it. You can't change your name. You should never change your name.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's part of the flavor is that he's got this fucked up name. That's never change your name. Arnold Schwarzenegger is Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's part of the flavor is that you get this fucked up name. That's part of the thing. It defines who you are. Here's the thing about cheaters. Start watching it and just notice how there's never really good punches. There's never good punches. When the boyfriends fight. Bob Dylan. People change their names all the time. That's a gag. Bob Dylan was like Joey Kikenstein. Yeah, that's a really Joey name.

Joey Kikenstein. See, Bob Dylan, he's a fucking self-hating Jew. He could have been good. He could have been good if he had just... If he just stuck with his name, what did you say it was?

Joey Kikenstein. Joey Kikenstein. If he stuck with Joey Kikenstein and just still rocked the house just that hard, maybe they would have just... They would have just said,

you know what? Look, Janis Joppa became famous and she was fat and ugly as fuck. She had a big, fat, stupid face. Was she so good?

I don't know. I didn't think, I'm totally off to Jack. Just throwing out examples. I'm not even making sense. I mean, I'm not even going to the heart of the argument,

which is her fucking name itself. You're like, you know who else is cool? I'm like, she didn't wear makeup. And I'm like, I like Niss wear makeup. And I'm like, ah, Nissan.

Talk about circuitous arguing. That's like the chemtrail, crop trails argument. Just tell you something else and you're like, okay, I guess that's right. Man,

I watched a documentary last night on ancient aliens on the History Channel. I ordered it on DVD. Eddie Bravo is just always constantly talking about aliens. Ancient aliens? It's like there comes a certain point in time where when someone is so obsessed with aliens,

you run the risk of... Why don't you marry an alien? Yeah, you run the risk of not wanting to even consider aliens anymore. It's not real. It's not possible. But it's so possible. It's possible. You know what's more possible when you watch these videos,

these ancient alien videos where they talk about these ancient structures and what technology put these together? I think if you just look around at the evidence, there's not that much evidence that aliens have landed, but there's a lot of evidence that life on this planet has been fucking seriously jacked at least three or four times, like big ones that we know about like mass extinctions you know that's just mass extinctions is the call coming from inside the house jeff sussman management this is my manager they don't even know that i'm fucking on a podcast

i would i would think that jeff sussman management would be aware of my podcasting from 3 to 5 on Ustream today. It started at 3.30. Chandra. Well, that's the best way. We're all going to become one on Twitter. I'm on the podcast. I'll call you later. Bye. That was my manager, Chandra.

A very nice lady. She's on the Twitter. She said that's how she finds out my schedule. I don't even talk to my manager. You're just Twitter. Real fun. I talk to him occasionally. Sometimes I'm elusive.

What's up, Brian? Stone. A little bit, huh? Let's take some questions from the field, ladies and gentlemen. When am I going to educate Dana and Zufa on copyright? Well, I am a retard. I'm not educating anybody on anything. On copyright?

Yeah. What is that? Copyright law, I think. Because the UFC is threatening to sue all these people that take illegal downloads of the UFC. Oh, that is threatening. Yeah. Yeah, they're just going through those phases. Well, they're talking about putting people in jail yeah and the threat of that

is enough to get most people to stop they're gonna make some examples and stuff they're gonna throw some people in jail that's what the LA guy said about pot stores

the LA sheriff whatever they're like you're gonna shut down all 900 he goes won't have to shut down a few

don't close yeah he's right too yeah he's gonna risk going to jail without just going down the block no one's gonna risk it they're gonna bail there going down the block. No one's going to risk it. They're going to bail.

There was a dude that was in Eddie's school that was selling. He was all licensed and legal and everything like that, but he decided it was too risky. It is. And it's like, you think it's like, no, Obama won't. It's not.

You never know. There's a lot of people deciding how to interpret that law. You know, the interesting thing is it's moving along. There's on Tuesday the 12th, there's some vote in California. It's on the message board where they're talking about trying to vote to move towards legalizing it. I'm not a registered voter.

Oh, you've got to register. You've got to participate in a fake game. After Obama, I swear to God, I thought before Obama was in office, I was like, you know what? This is going to be very different. We have a black guy. He's a liberal. At the very least, it'll be good for the consciousness of the country. They'll have a leader.

They'll have someone to look up to that's more peaceful and has their shit together more, can speak better, and is black, and has been through a rough childhood and everything. But he's doing the same shit as the elder. He's doing the same exact shit. It's almost like they have all these ideas, and then they get into office. And they realize, oh, it's not as easy to make it happen. But it's not just not as easy. You've got a majority of Congress. He has to go along with things, like sending the troops to Afghanistan, sending this extra

30,000. Yeah. At certain points, he realizes, what choice do I have? I can't just pull everybody out and make it a huge vacuum and just have it destroy itself. That's true. You can't just leave. Yeah, I guess. And then he realizes, I can make I have? I can't just pull everybody out and make it a huge vacuum and just have it destroy itself. That's true. You can't just leave. Yeah, I guess. And then he realizes, I can make this problem.

It's way past the year. Fuck. You know? Well, not way past, but there's so many more trips to do. But they talk about how it would become a hotbed for terrorists if we left. It's a hotbed now. That whole Middle East is mad at us. That whole Middle East is mad at us.

And it's like now, it's like once you start bullying someone and you start pushing them, once they go down, you've got to keep pushing them. That's what's going on right now. You've got to keep them down. No fuck you, you've got to keep them down. Because if they rise up and they go get something to eat and they take a nap and they come back refreshed, they're going to punch you in the fucking face. You're going to walk out of a restaurant and that guy's going to be right there, hey, I want to talk about what we had to talk about earlier. I heard this thing at NPR, the people that are being released now and sent to Yemen.

Yeah. And they're worried about them, you know, reintegrating. Of course. And they said, the problem is, no one will give them jobs there. Because they're like, ugh, whatever. And they're becoming disillusioned. And leaning on people like Al Qaeda and saying, well, help me. It's like they're newly being recruited.

Like, maybe they were wrongly accused before, but it's like... So it's like their life is such shit. Yeah, no one gives wrongly accused before, but it's like. So it's like their life is such shit. Yeah, no one gets their jobs They could have gone in the right direction, they don't.

Yeah. They just become angry. Well, because like, I can't get a job, I'm fucking wasted eight years of my life, what am I supposed to do?

You know, if someone else is offering you jobs and telling you all this stuff, it sounds right. God, what a shit place to live. Could you fucking imagine,

could you imagine how lucky you are that you weren't born in the middle of a war zone? I bet in a place like that, symptoms only come down like once a day instead of twice. What must it be like to be pregnant? To be a pregnant woman living in Afghanistan? How crazy must that be? The feeling of vulnerability,

the constant stress and shaking. I mean, that would be just absolutely horrifying. Morning sickness. What? Tuesday, January 12th, members of California... That's what they always do, dude. California Assembly will hold a historic vote on statewide marijuana policy. Members of the Public Safety Committee will decide on Assembly Bill 390,

the Marijuana Control, Regulation, and Education Act, which seeks to regulate and control the production, distribution, and personal use of marijuana for adults aged 20 and older. All these things are just wide open, so it's really open to interpretation. You know, no cash sales,

no, it's like, what, how it's being, and then they really want to narrow it down now. Well, if they did, what's legal, what's not legal. And if they did open it up legally statewide,

it wouldn't be much different. It's very easy to get a recommendation. The recommendation's not the problem. The tax is, it's just selling the pot. Well,

there's always going to be a problem. That's why they're going to shut down, not doctors giving up. Yeah, but with these guys, what they're saying is,

they're trying to legalize it. This is not about medical. This is about legalization of personal use. This is a totally different situation. They're talking about taxing it and trying to make money out of it. Which leads to regulate and control the production, distribution, and personal use of marijuana. Yeah. It's not medical.

They're not talking about medical marijuana. Federally, medical marijuana doesn't exist. And that's what fucks you. That's what happened to Todd McCormick when he got arrested. He got to court, and in court, they told him that you can't even use the term medical marijuana. How wacky is that? You can't even say, were you selling marijuana? And you go, yes, I was selling marijuana under the assumption that it was legal because Proposition 250. They don't want to hear a fucking word of that. They go, shut the fuck up. Were you selling marijuana? You were?

Good. Who is this? Brody. What is this co-host? Brody wants to tell a co-host. What is this? That means that he can be in a camera on the side so you can look at his face. Who is this guy? Brody Stevens that's Brody? isn't it?

oh no nevermind boredom strikes what are you blind? I am blind I don't think my internet can handle it how do you just somebody just well now we know now we know that you can try to

the problem is if you have somebody that's going to want to, you're like, oh, yeah, sure, come sit in with us. Like, it's like... But then the problem is you can have a million people requesting it. Oh, then it'll go crazy. You need a direct line. I think eventually everyone's going to have their own reality show. That's my vision of the apocalypse.

And just get started at the same time. We'll all have a channel. We'll all have a channel. I mean, basically, that's what we're doing right now well once you get the internet you could have like

up to six co-hosts where anyone could have their I think have their face on the side and you could just mute them but if you want to ask them a question

you could join them in on the conversation oh I like that but we're waiting on your internet oh shit so we could have like an interview

like mayhem and stuff like that oh that would be beautiful we could have a bunch of peoplehem and stuff like that. Oh, that would be beautiful. We could have a bunch of people in it. We have a bunch of windows and they could all open up the different windows. Right. And they could be watching all at the same time. We could move it like Hollywood Squares.

Right. We'll go to Whoopi Goldberg. Right. Whoopi. And then we could also put desktop overlaid on this cam. We want to see if we could show things. Things are getting crazy. Pretty cool, right? overlaid on this cam we want to show things things are going crazy pretty cool right this thing about ten years ago you couldn't even do something like

this yeah there was nothing there was no Twitter there's no the webcam shows were just blurry pictures of fucked up girls showing you their pussy and you had to be in their membership to get that right slow those bitches went out of business with the internet they blossomed those cam girls but then I should just rot it on the vine I miss that though cuz you remember when you used to have like that one cam girl and it would be like it like a whole group of people that were all just like look at this she's gonna you know well you know who's really cool is that crazy amber chick she was really cool just a sex tease there's a modern day, like, you know.

Well, this chick would do real porns. Really? Her and her boyfriend would do porns and put them on the internet. She didn't give a fuck. I followed this one where it was a girl that just had her camera on 24 hours a day, and it was just her and her husband living in New York. But they would have fucking straight on. When they had sex, they would have sex right on the camera.

But other than that, it was just them living their life 24 hours a day. Wow. Holy shit. And now she got to stop that, and now she's a successful author, and she's trying to erase her past so no one knows about her. Oh, really? So no one knows it's her? Did anybody save the video of her and her husband fucking?

I don't know, but Google Cash is wonders. And I'm not going to say her name, though. Would you say Cash wonders? Google Cash. Google Cash? If you go to Google and type in internet history, there's a thing that comes up called the Wayback Machine. You can type in your website and see what it looked like back in like 1985. Isn't that incredible?

Yeah. Google is fucking... We were just talking about this, me and my tech friend that wires my house. He was like, Google is like like they have so much power it's almost like if if google were evil like we wouldn't even see them coming and they document everything you know like if there's an artificial intelligence out there it's google you know google is a weird company man i mean they're so powerful if they do my terminator they do mail they do searching they do your fucking maps they do what your your house looks like from space i think longitude is the scariest

one the one where it just tracks where you are throughout the whole day so you can look at it and see like oh i was here here here the whole day and it records that information puts it in some kind of database to see where people are going. That's fucking crazy. That's fucking crazy that you would ever sign up for that too. It's fucking crazy, man. The whole Google thing. But they seem like a nice company. By the way, that's why GPS on the Google phone is kind of scary because if you use Google, what is Google doing with that information? Because there's a way for them to use that information if you're using your Gmaps, you know.

Right. Talk about where people are going and when they're going. Right. Yeah. My theory is – You're running it through Google now. You're running your GPS through Google. I'm okay with that.

You know what's really cute though? What if they were evil and they decided, well, let's just have a lovable name like Google. Right. Colorful. We work really hard on our image. lovable name like Google. Colorful. We work really hard on our image. We work really hard on being green and eco-conscious.

We really pay our employees well. They're all swell, but they're just ruthless monsters. What if it's the government? What if it is the government? That's like Area 57 branch. No shit. What if they developed? Please do not boycott Google because of these idiots.

What if they sat down and looked at the trends that humanity is participating in? Like, look where things are going technologically. And said, you know what? And they got the best scientists on it. And they said, this is where we think things are going. We think things are going to an online-based email service. So you can access it from multiple ports.

We think things are going to... And they just started listing all these things. And Google's like, okay, we know. What if it's people from the future making sure we're going along the right path? access it from multiple ports. We think things are going to... And they just started listing all these things in Google. What if it's people from the future making sure we're going along the right path? What if Mr. G's was trying to save us the whole time? And he was just like this butler trying to be our friend.

And we were just like, fuck you, Mr. G's. Bitch. I don't talk to the help. I don't want to ask you something. It's not going to work. Yoo-hoo, I have answers. Yoo-hoo, anyone? Yoo-hoo.

How many hits does Ask Jeeves get a day? I don't know, but remember Web Crawler? Remember Web Crawler? No, I don't know Web Crawler. That used to be like a pre-Google. It was like back in the day, Web Crawler. I kind of remember that now. Barely.

I remember realizing that I didn't have to get online through AOL that was a great day wasn't it I was like what there's another thing I was like oh my god but that's like space that's like the wilderness I'm going to take a browser and I'm going to go on my own and how do I get my email now

I have to write all that shit into a program and then get it from the remember when you first figured out you didn't have to use internet explorer I can use firefox or you know something else netscape yeah just went under a few months ago they finally closed shop isn't it crazy once on top of the world once huge now irrelevant and so quickly within a decade gone you know so much So much technology and so many things that were invented, like CDs. They just have this really short life. There's going to come a point in time when no one gives a fuck.

Yeah. Flash drives hold a fuckload more, and everything's going to have a USB port. Shut up. You know? It's like, CDs are like really hot chicks that got old. You know? Like, now they have no power. Poor Laserdisc.

Poor Laserdisc. I miss my Laserdisc. Dave Foley was a big Laserdisc fan. He used to have like even when Laserdisc was dying he was buying up

really good movies on Laserdisc. Me too. Me too. I got like Terminator Beauty and the Beast. Is it better it can't be better

visual quality than Blu-ray though. It's not better than Blu-ray but it was better than CD. Oh I see. It's kind of like how records were better than CD. But it's better than DVD. Oh, I see. It's kind of like how records were better than CD.

But it's better than DVD, image-wise? Yeah, yeah. Regular DVD? Yeah. Sounds better, too, supposedly. Blu-ray's so insane, man. Blu-ray's so insane. HD is so insane.

Anything in movies in HD now, it's just getting so crazy. This fucking Avatar, man. Wait till you see this shit. Whew. Like, visually, it's like, whoa. I didn't see this shit. Whew. Like, visually, it's like, whoa. I didn't even see 3D.

A lot of people I know have said that they want to go back into that world and live there. Whatever the world is. Fuck yeah. That's what I said. I said I want to fuck that blue chick. That's the future, though.

We're going to have fucking masks or wires in our brains. We're like, pick the Avatar. Yeah, you'll be able to go places. 2009. You'll be able to go places. What do I think of Coast to Coast with Art Bell?

That's the greatest fucking radio show in the history of the universe, man. Every now and then they get some lame psychic on talking stupid shit. But for the most part, it's all people that knew Bigfoot and dudes who used to be werewolves, but they got cured. By the way, if you want to know more about what they were talking about, go to Ask Jeeves and enter Google Conspiracies

and the first link will tell you all about it. Oh, there's a conspiracy site about it? Uh-huh, Google Conspiracy. Why would I think that? See, this is the thing great minds think alike,

whoever you are out there that thinks like us. From November 22nd, 2002. Is it? Yeah, it's just so lame. That's hilarious. We're so lame. That was eight years ago.

They had no wheat. We're just going, man, you not believe what I figured out, bro. If you fucking keep food cold, it lasts longer. That's hilarious. Fucking good times.

If you keep food out, it lasts longer. That green is fucking light growing on it. Of course that's good for you I said if you keep it cold

it lasts longer that's funny too that's so dumb of course there had to be a million people people think there's a conspiracy

in everything those the 9-11 people man those are hard fucking conversations here's the conversation it's always like

but maybe and then I just tune out yeah but maybe it doesn't mean anything well the problem is's always like, but maybe, and then I just tune out. Yeah. Maybe doesn't mean anything. Well, the problem is if it was really, but maybe I'll have that conversation with you.

You know, if you say maybe the government, you know, really arranged that building to be blown up. Yeah, maybe Bayer's arranged it. But, but, but you know, when, when someone says maybe, but the problem is they don't say that. They go go maybe the government doesn't give a fuck about you and they plotted this and they're attached to that idea they don't know if it happened there's information that

everybody's they're not even saying it it's like fucking do you believe that you sound like you do quit saying maybe yeah I think they did this yeah but yeah I think they just know that that's a ridiculous argument it's too hard nobody knows what the fuck happened but the idea that it was some gigantic fucking conspiracy that thousands and thousands of people were in on, I'm not sure that a few people didn't know that something was going to happen.

But the idea that this many people had to be together and put... What the fuck are you doing? I don't know. My phone just started playing music. Your phone's gay as fuck, bro. What song was it? I'm not going to even say. Was it Lily Allen? Huh? Oh, that's what it was, an alarm. Was it an alarm as fuck, bro. What song was it? I'm not gonna even say. Was it Lily Allen? Huh? What was it?

Oh, that's what it was, an alarm. It was an alarm? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What song was it? No, I don't wanna talk about it. Just tell me the song. I didn't download it. Alright, it was...

This is a funny hug. I'll put it there for you. What song was it? Lady Gaga. Oh my god, that is embarrassing. Did you hear Carmen? You like it? Carmen.

Do you like it? No, I didn't. Carrie Oaking, Lady Gaga. My girlfriend put it on there. Why did your girl put Lady Gaga on your fucking cell phone? Because my phone connects to my cars. When we're in the car, it's kind of like our jukebox. And so she throws music on my phone all the time.

My girlfriend put it on there. It's a modern day. I ran into a wall. You know what happened. Dog ate my whole life. If you like Lady Gaga, it's fine. You like Lady Gaga, don't you? Whatever.

I appreciate it because she actually knows how to play her instruments and she doesn't lip sync. She's a real musician behind that. Oh, here we go. Lady Gaga. Oh, my God. All that hermaphrodite talk. It's just more playing it up for the media. Very interesting.

Very interesting how people bite into that. That one song, though, gives me fucking brain cancer. Pop, pop, pop, pop your face. Pop, pop, pop your face. That thing hurts. Aaron Cartman saying that was so fucking funny. That thing hurts my mind. I didn't see that.

He did a montage to it later, too. And you actually could hear the words when he says it. So it's like, these are ridiculous. There's never been a better TV show than South Park. I love that show. Consistently funny. Consistently irreverent. Consistently brilliant.

It's so great. They get away with shit that no one can get away with. That whore-off, when that gay dude stuffed Paris Hilton up his asshole. Mr. Helper. That was the greatest moment in television history, as far as I'm concerned. The fact that they even got away with that. The fact that. Helper. That's the greatest moment in television history as far as I'm concerned. The fact that they even got away with

that. The fact that they went there. That's where you go if you're going to go crazy. You want to go crazy?

That's where you go. And then at the end he shoves her up his ass and wins the contest. Fuck man. Can we really

put that on TV? But because of these blocky cartoons they got away with it. And because Comedy Central knows that they're monsters.

They're just unstoppable. People want to watch them. I don't think Comedy Central gets to tell them what to do at all. I think, well, yeah, I think there's a lot of that. I think they're just like, shut the fuck up. I think it's probably the UFC. The UFC does not cover cable. It's just them saying, we figure the advertising might pull away. But the advertisers aren't going to pull away from South Park.

They're branding themselves as this thing. So everyone who goes knows it might be something like this. They have movie success behind them too. And that movie success, those two big huge films,

those both films were giant successes. I don't know if they were financially but like I think they were. I think they were. Team America though, that was one of my

favorite movies ever and they hate, they said that was the hardest movie ever. They would never do that ever again. It was so good though. Because it was they would never do that ever again man that was such a great fucking genius and I believe that it was really time consuming but it was so goddamn good I got to see the puppets in real life even the silliness of it when they had this they're releasing the giant cats it's just kitty cats

that are the same size as them like just close up shots. You're like, the whole thing, just black kittens. The beginning of it with the fucking terrorist. When he's puking. When that sex scene was the funniest sex scene I've ever seen.

Before that was probably like the safe sex and make a gun when they're covered in rubber. You know? But it's like, there's no funny, that was hilarious.

Hilarious. Them just boning, hardcore. And did you see the unedited version where they drop logs on each other? Oh, I did not see that. They pee peas on each other, right? Yeah. What's unedited version where they drop logs on each other yeah I did not see that

they peed peas on each other right yeah what's unedited that wasn't in the movie no they cut it from the movie

otherwise it was going to end in an X wow pee and poop were a no go that's so hilarious how about when he threw up

and never stopped throwing up yeah he just kept barking and covered an entire block fucking genius it was so funny I remember

crying laughing when I see that I couldn't believe how funny it When I see that I couldn't believe How funny it was I was like I can't believe They pulled this off Well they did that first

South Park movie And I was like Here we go And I was like Wait they're singing Oh my This is shocking They did a musical

People were waiting For a South Park movie This morning They did a musical And I loved it Yeah it was great And they did a great job But I said

How do you do a musical That was a genius show Blame Canada Yeah Come on How good was that How about all the Canadians With their heads popped off How do you do a musical? That was a genius show. Blame Canada? Yeah. Come on, how good was that? How about all the Canadians with their heads popped off? It just happens.

They all look different. They just look completely weird and different. Their heads look totally different than regular. Just the fact that we accept that as a head. That's what it can be. A talking piece of poop. Just round. This thing that's not even connected and bobbling up and then we accept that.

Okay, that's the head. There's the head. That shit's genius. That show's so goddamn good. Like I was looking at a cartoon the other day, the one that you gave me, the Barney Rubble picture. Barney Rubble doesn't have eyeballs.

No, that's crazy. Really? He's tripped out black pupils. But everybody else on the show had eyeballs. Because his pupils are black. Barney Rubble, no, he's all white. He's all white. He's got nothing. I know. Because his pupils are black. Barney Rubble. No, he's all white.

He's all white. He's got nothing. I know. He's a goddamn zombie. What about on Fruity Pebbles? It's like he's on acid. Fruity Pebbles doesn't have it either? What's that?

On Fruity Pebbles doesn't have it? No. It's in the cartoon. Well, I think, well, I don't know. Maybe in Fruity Pebbles. I didn't even know he was on Fruity Pebbles. I thought that was Bam Bam. It's all Pebbles.

Right? I don't remember. Oh, it's all of them on there? I think so. Awful expert on the Flintstones. My Pebbles. F all the Pebbles, right? I don't remember. Oh, it's all of them on there? I think so. Awful expert on the Flintstones. Pretty Pebbles. But it's just weird that you just get comfortable

with the fact that his face looked like that. It's like this Avatar movie. After an hour, I didn't care that that chick was blue and looked like a lizard. I still wanted to fuck her.

You were into it. Yeah, man. I wanted to fuck her. And if I lived with them, I would totally think she was hot man. I wanted to fuck her. And if I lived with them, I would totally think she was hot. Did you fuck her? No. But if I lived with them in the woods and shit,

I would totally think she was hot. I would totally want to fuck her. You know? It's like, it's subjective. But if she, like, made a sound other than English, I wouldn't want to fuck her. I would love it. Like, if she meowed.

Yeah, I'd love it. As long as I can learn it. Remember the show V? The old show V or whatever? And they started like... I never watched that show. Which show? The V show.

Yeah. The old V. I like the old V. I would not watch the new V. Fuck the new V. This guy wants to know, this DA78 fella, he wants to know,

who do you think is better in bed, Oprah or Hillary Clinton? Hillary Clinton. You think so? Yeah. I'd say Hillary Clinton. Because I don't have a pussy. Oprah Winfrey is a fucking huge lesbo. You think so? Yes. Really? Her and their friend. Seems like more of one. Who seems like more of one?

Hillary Clinton. More of a lesbian? She seems like more of one. Well, she made a human. If you didn't know. But she had sex and made a human. So she knows. She's at least accepted dick. And you have no idea about Oprah. We have no idea. That Stedman guy. If there was ever a man that looked like a beard. That poor fuck.

I bet if you Google Oprah Winfrey gay. It's like when gay guys marry old ladies. New conspiracy theory. I can see it happening. That's why Ellen wanted to be on the cover with her? Well, she's super powerful, man.

Maybe she's so powerful that the testosterone that she has from having like a billion dollars, the surge of power that she has, maybe it just made her

just want to dominate some bitches. Maybe she doesn't even, maybe Oprah only gets them to eat her pussy and she doesn't do shit. Oh, yeah. You're probably right, bro. She doesn't have to do shit gets them to eat her pussy and she doesn't do shit oh yeah you're probably right she doesn't have to do shit

she just holds her hair yeah she doesn't have to do shit Oprah doesn't do shit Oprah's worth a billion dollars and she hangs out with these broke bitches that's what it is

Oprah's do you know how much a billion that's a thousand million that's incredible money that's an insane amount of money she's so rich

you couldn't spend that you would have to go nutty if you wanted to spend that she's probably worth more than a billion she's probably worth several billion right Oprah fucking Winfrey

she just keeps coming out with new stuff no one's been ever been more successful than Oprah Winfrey like for daytime TV it's not even close I know the old Oprah

I still remember that old school Oprah what's the question I love this question what's that read it like how he writes it or she writes it Ashley Bro

this guy yeah yo what's your ethnicity were you born into religion he says yo what's your ethnicity were you born into a religion that's not a bad question

if you're an 18 year old I just like how he wrote it the way you was you born into a religion? That's not a bad question if you're an 18-year-old. I just like how you wrote it. Was you born into a religion? Ashley Brio. Is that his name? Ashley Brio. Oh, so this is what Twitter does. It doesn't actually scroll. It just bumps to let you know

when new people leave. Oh, it does scroll. A little bit, but it's really far. It's slow. So what do they have to do? Do they have to put hashtags on it? And you follow the hashtags? I don't know why it's doing that. That's what I was looking at earlier. they have to put hashtags on it and you follow the hashtags I don't know why it's doing that that's what I was looking at earlier they're putting the hashtags on it

is that what it is no I think Paris keeps on saying I love the car oh it's yeah hashtag that's exactly what it is it's hashtags but why is it doing that

that's weird but why isn't it does it have the little ad thing on it why does it have that does it mean they're in this Twitter room is that what it is

I don't know let me check my iPhone. A young Hillary Clinton? Did you think young Hillary Clinton was cool looking? Yeah, she was good looking. I remember her being not bad the first time we ran. I was like, eh. I don't think she's bad.

Yeah. And by then, she had had a child. Who would you rather fuck now? Is that the story? Now? Someone said who you think is better and better. I think that's the question. Oh, better and better.

Yeah, it was the question. Probably Hillary would suck her dick. Hillary would give you some action, whereas Oprah would make you eat her pussy. Hillary would have better cocaine. I'm just not into black chicks. Could you just imagine if that's what Oprah Winfrey really did? She just had girls eat her pussy. That's hilarious.

And it came out, just like Tiger Woods is coming out that he's a freak and he's married with children, but he's really banging like 16 different chicks at the same time. What if it came out that Oprah Winfrey is this crazy bitch that just has all these young girls eat her pussy? They're all blindfolded. So they bring her into a special room so they don't know whose pussy they're eating. This is your rule. This is your assignment. You will be paid $125,000 a month.

Will you accept? Yep. You can't give them that much. You'd have to give paid $125,000 a month will you accept you know yep you can't give them that much you'd have to give them $125,000 a year but she would call upon you no

you have to get more than that if you want to be like that kind of thing not to blindfold and just go into a room and eat your pussy $125,000 a year and

to be on call at all times yep on call no $500,000 that's too much you can retire I can't keep you my bitch no all you have to do is work000 that's too much you can retire I can't keep you my bitch

no all you have to do is work for a couple years and you can retire no are you with him for life? if I want to keep you my bitch I give you enough money so that you get used to money

but you can't really hold enough away okay what you can do is you can start you can take someone who's super broke start them off at $75,000 give them a 35% pay increase every year start them off at $50,000 but you gotta get him super broke.

Alright, start at 50. Next year, he's like, I want to leave now. I have 50 grand. Next year, we'll give you 75. Ooh, now I have to stay. The year after that, I want to leave. 150 this year. Ooh, okay, I can't leave that. Okay, now I want to leave. 300 this year. He's out-Jewing me right now. Just keep

upcoming, not letting him leave. It's like Hollywood shit. You can never start a leave. You's like Hollywood shit. You can never get to a certain point. You have to be cultivating other boys. You get them used to the money. Obviously, reforestation. Yeah, you get them used to the money, and then, look, you want to talk some shit? Hector over there is ready to become my number one boy. Yeah.

And Hector doesn't mind. Hector likes sucking dick. He'll suck three, four, he'll suck my friend's dick. Not to mention, if I get some guy, he looks like he's 28 now, 29. Hit the road, Jack. I ain't getting old. Hector is 19. I can feel the grizzle on your tongue.

Hector sucked dick all the way from Guatemala to get here on a banana boat. Yeah, I didn't even watch it at a certain point. Hector's so happy to have a fresh pair of Nikes. He'll suck the life out of your balls. Hector's here. He's here for you. Totally, right? Oh, yeah.

So the competition of being a male whore. You know, in Nevada, they just recently approved male whores. They're going to have male whores. They didn't have before? No. Apparently, they didn't. Apparently, it was only females. That's crazy.

Why would they not have that? I don't know. That seems interesting. I don't know. It doesn't seem worse. This is the way it would go for society. If guys think

their friend is gay, they're going to get him a male whore now. I'm like, dude, you're not going to believe what I got you for your birthday.

I got you a fucking whore at the buddy ranch. Get the fuck out of here. That'd be a nice moment because you're like, oh, I got to fake it with this girl

for my friends. And you're like, you guys knew! You guys did this! I'm on another level! Could you imagine? You get him a whore at the bunny restaurant. She's like, go in that room.

Go in that room. What does she look like? Don't worry. You're going to like it. You're going to like it. And you send him in there. And then the red light comes on. It's a naked guy with a heart on it.

It's like, yes! Oh my god. Could you imagine? I thought this was going to be a terrible day. And if the guy says, what the fuck? Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. You know that he's just a little femmy.

He's not gay. He's just a little femmy. Quit wearing sweaters. My dad had a friend when I was growing up. I would have swore this dude was gay. But he wasn't gay. He was just a little femmy. Femmy?

Yeah. Look, if you didn't know Duncan Trussell, there are times when Duncan Trussell there are times when Duncan Trussell we yeah I act Femi but I just think that it's I can act serious and normal stuff like that but I just always let myself like who cares you know I got no no no no no you're not understanding me that's not Femi that's relaxed this guy was like that kind of famous. Those people out there, those people are always gay. Really? You think you just

never got into it? Yeah. Why is it doing hashtags instead of at signs? That's a better question. I don't know. I think that's why it works. That's fucked up.

Did you try to fix it? No, I don't want to fuck anything up, but I'll try. Does anyone know why it's doing hashtags instead of the at signs in the Twitter social stream

on Ustream? Yeah, because they're socializing about this subject. Yeah. Well, last week it did at signs in the Twitter social stream on Ustream. Yeah, because they're socializing about this subject. Yeah. Well, last week it did at signs, and that's what we want. We don't want this hashtag bullshit. Does anyone know how to change hashtags to at signs? I'm still doing the same thing. Duncan Trussell is awesome.

Yes, Duncan Trussell is awesome. When he goes femme, he's really just playing. Duncan likes girlssell is awesome. Yes, Duncan Trussell is awesome. When he goes femme, he's really just playing. Duncan likes girls. Trust me. What's that? Is Red Band a comic? Red Band's done comedy.

He's technically a comic. He can go up anytime he wants. If he wants to fuck around. He's very funny, actually. Wrote some good material. We have to get it... We're going to... I can't tell you about that. I was going to tell them about when we're gonna I can't tell you about that what I was gonna tell them about that show thing can't tell you about that but uh he's done it a bunch of times it's just doing

these videos even though it doesn't seem like it takes a lot of time it takes a lot of fucking time and he's gonna archive all this goddamn material doing open mic sucks ass that too he like puts me in front of him on like his sold-out shows and I'm like a noob trying to do comedy but you get spoiled and then you have to go to when you go back to la you go in front of like three other comics you know and he spent four hours a day just so you can have you know five minutes on stage it sucks yeah open mic fuck that shit i'm too old for that you know it's like yeah i'll be right back.

We got Cottonmouth. They'll entertain you guys. I'm going to try to change the hashtag. Why are they all doing it? They're all putting it in. It is because... Brian, what are the new videos coming up? We're logged into Ustream via our Twitter account.

What are the new videos coming up, Brian? What videos? What do you got coming on in your life? I'm not really doing much of videos right now. Really? Brian is doing a new thing where he's doing before a show on the road every time he makes a video

specifically for that town. Yeah. Like he has material from Austin. Yeah, if you go see Joe do stand-up at most places nowadays, we have a thing called Death Squad that's like before the show, it's just kind of a collection of videos and we film a bunch of stuff like, hey, we're coming to

Austin. It's kind of centered around that city. So if you make sure to get there at least 15 minutes before the show time to watch that stuff. What's that? Oh, the videos. Yeah, that's one. Yeah, we're gonna do that at most places we go to. They'll be shown just that week and then done. Yeah, when I go like

to like one-nighters like D.C. like Ari and I are doing D.C. this next Sunday. This upcoming Sunday. Brian's not going to come with us to that one. But when we do weekends, like the next week. What's the next weekend? Addison? We'll probably do it. Tempe?

No, Ice House, probably the next one. Oh, yeah, Ice House, then Addison and Tempe. It's all up on my Twitter page. Oh, it's right in front of me. I'm asking you questions. It's right there. Ice House, Addison, and then Tempe. Addison's, I'm looking forward to that.

I fucking love Texas. How much fun is Texas? I love Texas. So much fun. I'm looking at those dates. I'm like, Tempe's going to be a lot of fun. Always is. Ice House is always a lot of fun. But I'm like, fuck, man, we? I love Texas. So much fun. I'm looking at those dates. I'm like, Tampa's going to be a lot of fun. Always is. Ice House is always a lot of fun.

But I'm like, fuck, man. We're going to Texas. You know? It's like the food's a little better. The people are a little more fun. It's a little more rowdy. It's like, they're like healthier. There's like something about them.

They got something that we don't have here in California. This place is so polluted by the entertainment business. But yet, I hate the East Coast. Most of it. East Coast's too angry. Yeah. Why is it so angry? Why are you so fucking mad? You know, I grew up with a lot of guys like that. Everyone's insulting. They're usually the funniest guys because they have to learn quickly to deal with people's bullshit. But Boston? Boston's so fucking aggro. So many aggro guys.

Everybody's upset. Everybody wants to fight. In New York, I can't imagine living around that many people. It's rough. So many people. Someone said, T-Saps said, because it's cold. That is definitely part of it.

Boston is cold as fuck in the winter I was there in October and when I was there in October it was starting to be free so it was like 50 but it was a different kind of 50 wasn't like la 50 la 50 is nothing this is January yeah yeah we were shorts in January out here all the time. Well, a grown man really should never wear shorts. Oh, my. You can look at my legs, bitch. What's wrong with my legs?

I'm all sexy and hairy and shit. When I get gray hair on my legs, that's when you stop seeing me in shorts. Or you'll see me in shorts with shaved legs. You'll be like, you fucking faggot. You wouldn't just remain your legs? Yeah. You wouldn't dye your legs? No, I'm not going to dye my legs.

Does anyone do that? You dye your... I know dudes who do their facial hair. They dye their facial hair, but I don't do that going to dye my legs black. I'll shave them. You dye your... I know dudes who do their facial hair. They dye their facial hair, but I don't do that. I'm going to shave. I shave my balls. I don't dye my bald hair. So I'm not going to dye my leg hair either.

Right? You can't be dyeing your leg hair. That's just fucking utter faggotry. Lying in a bathtub with some fucking black ink, trying to pretend that you're not dying. You're dying, man. You don't dye your fucking leg hairs. That's hilarious. and have you ever seen like an old dude whose hair is dyed they have like a reddish tint to the hair because the dye looks kind of brown instead of a blonde base could you imagine if you have it on your legs and your legs look like sasquatch legs ginger

ginger sasquatch who is red band what does he do Red Band is the guy who if you ever saw the Carlos Mencia video you've seen his work if you've seen the Jew Clam video you've seen his work and if you haven't

you really need to check that out Google Jew Clam and look away the he does all the videos for me and for my website

and for you know we just it's like one of the things we do when we we go on these He does all the videos for me and for my website. It's like one of the things we do when we go on these shows and we travel to all these different towns. One of the things we do is a lot of funny shit happens and we film it. And Brian takes all that funny shit, has to watch nine hours of bullshit to get ten minutes of awesomeness. And so ten minutes of fun and with the right music and the right editing.

And he just makes these cool-ass videos. I just heard some director talking about he shot this movie with Julianne Moore in 21 days. And the editing took five months. He thought it would take, they said ten to twelve weeks. He goes, I'll finish it in five to seven. It took five months. Because that's so much longer. He goes, you can make a joke funny.

You can make a joke not funny. You can do whatever you want through editing. I can't even imagine. Shit, I hate dealing with just the music because I make my videos around music

but then if I pick a song that will get me banned off YouTube and off all these websites then I'm fucked so then you have to like try to do it with your own music or make your own

kind of shit. That's, and then you lose the creativity part because you're working with bullshit instead of working with Led Zeppelin. It's fucked up. I hate it.

I know. It's like looking at one of Martin Scorsese's best movies, Goodfellas. Do you remember the scene where it was all falling apart for what's-his-face? That's all the coke we had. That's all the money we had that's all the money we had

the other one he was driving in the car and looking at helicopters yeah the music was so important to all that shit

it's all that Rolling Stone shit you know I mean it was like that was that made well not to mention at the end

when he put in when he's picking up his mail or whatever or the newspaper and they have we did it my way by Sid Vicious but he was like that's a reason he's picking up his mail or whatever, or the newspaper, and they have We Did It My Way by Mike Sid Vicious. But he was like, that's a reason. He's not using the Sinatra version.

He's doing it on purpose. He wants the fucking, that version of it, this bastardized version of the mafia that he's trying to show. It's like, yes, it's important. Yeah. Music is so important to a good movie. All those, that's one of the great things

about like Scorsese. Tarantino. Yeah. Francis Ford Coppola. They know how to pick the right fucking music, man. Yeah. You know, the great guys, they know how to really jazz it up right. Ennio Morricone did all those Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

Those were all the same guys. Sergio Leone always used Ennio Morricone or whatever his name was. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. I wish I knew how to DJ. I wish I knew like remix and stuff like that because you watch it seems like it's so much fun

and then you make your own music and that's you know in a way you know in a way yeah and I just wish I could do that you know what's weird is every now and then

a guy gets through and is huge like there's that guy I think his name is Tiesto he's a gigantic DJj and these people were telling me this dude was telling me that he went to a tiesto concert on new year's and it was like this big thing i think he did it in south america and he said it was insane it was really crazy 50 000 people yeah like more and they're all in ecstasy i mean like just fucking utter craziness

100 000 people on ecstasy and this guy is jamming this guy gets apparently he's like this multi-million selling DJ guy I don't know where they make their money I guess they make their money on personal

appearances yeah yeah DJ sounds so good when you're on ecstasy nightclubs right now makes it sound like oh yeah I get it man if they're good right yeah if

they're good man ecstasy I only did it once, but goddamn did it feel good. It's just named right. It was like it kind of felt, yeah, you got it. It felt so good, but it scared the shit out of me the next day. The next day. Did you have a come down? Yeah.

I never got one of those. I might have had shitty ecstasy. I might have to get me some good ecstasy and see what happens. But it might be my biochemical method. I think it's more that. Yeah. It's more that. Yeah. It's a real gospel. Yeah, DJs produce music,

but they produce music that's like other people's music that they're piecing together and making it their own. But there is an art to it, for sure. You know? Yeah. Sometimes the people that make the music

don't see it as well as someone who's listening to the music. I know that sounds crazy, but it's possible that a DJ could take a song that wasn't really that good and make it pretty fucking dope. That's possible. Sometimes remixes are better than the original songs. Most of the time it is. Like if you go to Party Ben or what's that other dude's, Girl Talk,

if you go download some of their music, they take some really good songs, but, man, you listen to them mixed up and stuff. You're like, I actually like that better. Yeah. Well, that's what everybody says about, like, Quentin Tarantino, right? That his themes are all stories from, like, other movies, like older Japanese movies. But he makes them fucking badass, you know? Yeah.

That's an interesting little fine line there kick Paris seven eight nine one we're having a fight in here this dude is telling someone to kick somebody off Paris because Paris keeps on saying hey suck my cock? Ribbons, dude. How much money do you have, fella? You think that's the real Paris? Paris Hilton? City? Do you think cities are on Twitter? How do I ban you, dude?

Delete this message from the list. You have to do it. Yes. I want to ban the sender. Oh, cool. Bam. Sorry, bitch. Nobody's getting their cock sucked now. What I was going to do it. Yes. I want to ban the sender. Oh, cool. Bam. Sorry, bitch. Nobody's getting their cock sucked now. What I was going to do

was suck everybody's cock that was listening, but you had it going. Fuck it up, son. Dude, I didn't know Joey Diaz was here. Oh, that's Ari. Ari doesn't smoke weed, man.

Why are you so rude? He's going deep nowadays. Ari's going deep. Remember the old Ari that would smoke half a hit and then get in a car accident on the way home? I remember when you used to get nervous before getting too high going on stage. You got barbecued in Vegas.

How high did you get in Vegas? Yeah, it was pretty high. You kept going. We had a joint. And usually, this is the way it works when you do comedy. One hit, this would be fun. This would be fun this would be fun to get loose

two hits you're trusting you're trusting the universe you're trusting your state of mind we had four hits we were

we were fucking blitzkrieg we were like nah alright one more we were fucking

blitzkrieg the worst is when I was so stoned like my first week out here you invited me to go see you at a Fear Factor set. Oh, that's right. He gave me these. He gave you a lollipop.

These are like when lollipops first came out. He's like, hey, Ohio boy, Brian, come here. You want this lollipop? I'm like, all right, sure. And so I take it. And then like 10 minutes later, he's like, you feel anything yet? And I'm like, no. And we're like, let's take another one.

So I took a second one. Yes, we took two of them and then and joe's like well here's hang out with all the directors and producers in this trailer i gotta go now and then it starts tripping and i'm like they're like hey brian how's it going and they're like like he was outside so so head on my yeah it was horrible i called you el diablo for like three months you know what that's how much i hated fear factor i hated fear factor so much that i i had to do it that i would get barbecued i would get so fucking hot i would take these crazy beyond bomb that was the name of the company that would make them lollipops and i'd eat one of those before i would do fear factor and i'd be blitzkrieg to the point where i could remember what i was talking about that was the name of the company that would make them lollipops. And I'd eat one of those before I would do Fear Factor. And I'd be blitzkrieg to the point where I could remember

what I was talking about 10 seconds ago. And that's how I would do the show. But it made it so much more interesting. It's fun to watch Fear Factor now knowing that, though. Because all the episodes, you can tell your eyes are all glazed over. And you're just like, oh my god, you're going to eat! It must be so windy and energetic out there. The producers knew it and liked the fact that I did it because it made me more relaxed and funnier.

There were so many aggro douchebags on that show. I'm sure two of the producers, they must have worked with so many aggro douchebags over the years. So many. So many. And if you want to be a douche, you can make your lives miserable. Yeah. Most of the people that did that show were really cool. They were there to have fun, try to win some money.

Holy shit, I'm on TV. Some of the contestants you're talking about? Yeah. Got like stars? Yeah, they got douchey. Well, not only that, they got aggressive. There's some contestants that were really aggressive. That was annoying because they were all hyped up trying to win this fucking show.

They would start shit with me. They're at home in Jersey practicing. If Joe Rogan says some shit, this is what I'm going so they're already like you don't really say it but they go for it anyway they're already ramped up by the time they get there i'm like hey man relax i'm here to help you yeah you relax yeah so the weed helps with that the weed helps nothing helps you deal with aggression better than weed it It does help for gifts sometimes. People are like, watch it. You're like, oh, right there, son. Very nice. Was that the Vegas show last May, says Adunja, A-D-U-N-J-A.

No, we were talking about Saturday night. Oh, Friday night. We do the House of Blues in Vegas all the time. We also do the Palms. And I'm going to be doing that like every couple months. We're going to do that. I think you should do the Palms more. Yeah.

I'm going to do it a while later. But yeah, it's a regular more of a club. Yeah, I think so too. And if it's similar to the other stuff, then it's like do where it's set up that way. Yeah. The only thing I don't like about the Palms is the stage lighting is not the best. The House of Blues is all like really lit up well. But they might have fixed that by now.

That's not a big fix. It's just a spotlight. But yeah, so either way, we're going to be in Vegas a lot. Talk about MMA, Joe. Fuck. The Mark Gaden. Oh, that's John Copenhaver.

I wonder if that's the real John Copenhaver. That's the real Mark Gaden. War Machine would have... Is that the real Mark Gaden? Oh, that's cool. Real John Copenhaver. War Machine wouldn't have a fucking little Tweety bird next to him. What is up with those Tweety birds?

The yellow and the green? No picture. Is that what it is? That's no picture. They just joined or they're a lot of UFC guys. Because War Machine's got a picture of him looking all buff on it. Wow. The Palms has the naked girl pic on stage.

Yes. Yeah, exactly. When you're on stage at the Palms, right to your left, there's a naked picture. There's a picture of a girl showing her pussy. What, in the nude place? Yeah. She's got her tits around, and she's showing a little bit of pubic hair. Right on stage.

Oh, because of the Playboy night? Yeah, it's like the Playboy Comedy Club. Yeah. It's very strange, man. But I think we're going to do that. I think we're going to do that much more. The next one, we're doing that in February. Is there any female comics that you know of

that show their pussy all the time? Like, hey, look at my pussy! Like Joey shows his balls? Yeah, like any... No? God, that'd be awesome. That's a problem. God's like, I want to see it again.

Right, that'd be awesome. There's nothing funny about a girl showing her pussy. Yeah. A dude pulls his dick out and goes, what, what? That's funny.

Yeah, but what if a chick's like, look, I'm fingering myself with my cell phone. Yeah. Guys will be into it. Where's your dad? What happened to you when you were young?

What happened? You know? Sarah Silverman? Yeah. Sarah Silverman's funny. But she wouldn't be funny if she showed her pussy. She's funny if she talks about her pussy. But if she showed it,

she killed it. I did that K-Rock thing with her last year. There was some K-Rock comedy night. She's hilarious. She crushed it. God damn. She crushed it. She's funny, man. Patton Oswalt, too.

Yeah, he's hilarious. That guy's a really good writer. I always see him at Starbucks. He's always with his kid. He's like being dad. Mr. Dad. He always surprises me with where he goes with his writing. I really like his writing.

You know uh his stuff is like he'll go someplace and he'll take a premise that like you would think like maybe you would like think about like maybe i'll talk about this on stage and then you know and it's not funny enough but he makes it funny like you actually make the joke out of it yeah he beats it down and conforms it and makes it funny with his writing he always takes shit to a place that i'm always surprised come to seattle i'm gonna come to seattle motherfucker eventually is it better i changed it uh i don't know i've not heard of that i've heard it's real good again this is a stupid way to to see this because these hashtag things yeah this is stupid why well because it keeps scrolling and

they can't fucking read it at least when you go to actual twitter it doesn't do that oh when you go to actual twitter you can actually sit there it's probably way to stop it yeah i'm not looking at hashtags i'm just looking at that um that app thing now i'm gonna just look at that now can we do that it depends it seems like what happened i think what you stream's thinking if that's who's doing it i think you stream's thinking if there's a ton of people that do the hashtag then it'll show up as a trending topic yeah you know here's a good question salvia have you ever done it brian's done Salvia. You have videos on, did you have a video Ari?

I did it once. Did you put a video up of you doing it? Brian did. What was that like? It was super cool, it was just totally tripping out. You're on top of houses looking at people's lawns or something like that. It was on my childhood lawn.

And I could feel that reality here and the other reality went like this and bent right here. The real reality here. And I was trying to not make them overlap because then I would never come back. So I was like, no. No, I'm not there. Stop. Hold on. How incredible is it? I thought my face became carpet and then it

melted and tore off and then I went down a water slide. And then I was like, are you talking about my face? Are you talking about my my face how crazy is that that's legal salvia is illegal well in some places it is it's actually turning illegal now a lot of a couple places really florida yeah but there's 50 states florida how many of them are gonna make it illegal i don't know pretty fast though i think they just did seven states recently or something like that I don't know pretty fast though. I think they just did seven states recently or something Damn this is this the mark Gaden whoever you are. Who's Mark? I'm gonna block you. You know, yeah, you talk too much

I don't think so. It's a fake one No, it's real It's real marketing. It's real Wow just like the cheaters it's green it's a real woman Canadian licious says were they all on lollipops also the contestants no I got the contestants high on meth because you want to have a good show you want to have a good motivated group of people out there trying to compete so they said it was a common knowledge that the set supplied no i'm making this up hey have you ever seen just kidding no one was on any drugs ladies and gentlemen they were on the screech style book four years ago we gave diet coke and you can have a water if you wanted that

too or you could have a regular coke if you don't give a fuck but no there was no no the contestants were not drugs it was just me i was on a little bit of weed to try to get through the day have you ever seen a pussy with gray pubic hair yet in real life have not in real life have you no really not yet but one day that's all we're going to be seeing one day you're going to be like why did you start shaving your pussy shut up i want to talk about that green or gray tint. It's going to always look dusty. Oh, no.

There's something on there. What is that? You're going to be able to see the ingrown hair. White cubes. Of the knees and downward elbows, what other MMA rules would you like to see on it? I don't know. I think that should be up to a vote, what they MMA rules we like to see on it. I don't know, you know,

I think that should be up to a vote what they should allow. What, rules? Yeah, knees on the ground, stuff like that. I think in a certain,

there's a certain part about knees on the ground and kicks, or the cage, you can't get away from them in certain places. so then it becomes worse. If you get trapped up

against the cage, dudes are going to take damage that they wouldn't normally take. Whereas like, if they did it in a ring, the thing about the ring is you can slide out of that bitch. You can get your head under it and just avoid... You can pull with it instead of having to stop

right on it. Yeah. You can't get trapped there. I mean, you kind of can get trapped in the turn buckle in the corner, but not the same. There's openings all over the place. What about having a warning tracker on the cage and you can't kick somebody in the head on the ground inside that warning track? That's a good idea.

Different color. That's a real good idea. That's like a good baseball. Dude, look at you. Just thought of it. That's a real good idea right there, ladies and gentlemen. A warning track around the cage where knees on the ground are not effective.

And so what you do is you grab a guy, you get him in a fucking hold, and you pull him into the middle so you can knee him in the head. Knee him on the ground. Maybe. Yeah, that's actually a smart head. Knee them on the ground. Maybe. Yeah, that's actually a smart move.

That would make it really interesting. No gravity. It would have more strategies if people tried to go to that warning track. I think people would probably be excited

about that too. Like the knee area. Yeah. And people would talk shit. It's like, oh shit, it's in the middle. What's it going to do? He can't go anywhere.

He's going to kneel there. Yeah, and people would talk shit about it. He was real smart. He stayed away from the knee area What's he going to do? He can't go anywhere. He's going to knee him. Yeah. Yeah. And people would talk shit about him. He was real smart. He stayed away from the knee area. I was going to fuck him up in that knee area. He was scared of my strength. So he didn't want to bang with me.

Exactly. He didn't want to bang with me. I don't know. Fucking, he said he wanted to fight. Didn't want to. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to?

Yeah. This guy says, in the past, he broadcasts UFC with guest announcers. Do you find that limits your broadcasting or messes with chemistry? No, no. You know, those guys were nice guys. I did it once with Craig Hummer and once with Matt Vaskirjian. They're both nice guys, very professional. You know, but Goldberg's my, you know, he's a good buddy. We're friends.

We're real good friends. So I like having him around. It's fun. And I think he's excellent. What he does. That shit's very hard. Did I ever see Bill Hicks live be Frederick 30? Yeah, I saw him a couple of times live.

I saw him in LA when he was just like just starting to be known. It was fun. I saw him clear a room. I saw him bomb. He went up after this really hacky guy and the guy was doing all these impressions of different cartoon characters smoking weed.

He's a nice guy, but it was just really hacky stuff. The audience was eating it up. Hicks went on afterwards with all this George Bush war. John Davidson went on afterwards with all this george bush war uh john davidson coming out of oprah winfrey's ass when oprah winfrey's on the toilet no it wasn't oprah winfrey who was it he would he would do it with a bunch of different people anyway he has these crazy fucking bits and social commentary and the audience is getting up in giant chunks they were getting up like 10 15 people at a time they left they abandoned him and he was just eating it on stage but we were loving it

it was like me and maybe like seven or eight other comics but he was bombing better than i'd ever seen anybody bomb he was bombing like a champion like he didn't give a fuck. He's taking a shit, right? He's doing this bit where, I don't remember who the other, he did one, sometimes he used to do it with Oprah Winfrey. I don't think that was Oprah this time, but it was like that she shits out John

Davidson. So I forget how the bit goes, but it was a really funny bit. John Davidson was the host of That's Incredible. Yeah. Or maybe it was the devil fucked John Davidson was the host of That's Incredible. Yeah. Or maybe it was the devil fucked John Davidson. So anyway, he's in the middle of squatting down on stage, just making these moaning noises like he's taking a shit, and he's doing it for like a minute.

He's like, and he looks up and he goes, yeah, that usually clears room. And then he goes back to it and he did it without any there was no feeling that he was self conscious it was like a feeling like

yeah I'm bombing fuck it it wasn't like holy shit I'm bombing it was like he was making fun of it and it was awesome it was really interesting to watch it was like the best I'd ever seen anybody bomb but we like I said we laughed our asses off. And I seen him kill, too.

I saw him kill a couple times at the Common Connection. With all his, uh, Jimi Hendrix. You hear this Jimi Hendrix when Debbie Gibson was famous. Jimi Hendrix running into Debbie Gibson at the mall. Really? Yeah, it was really loud. It was funny stuff. He was a lot like Sam Kinison. A lot like Kinison. Like, you could tell, like, it was really loud. It was funny stuff. He was a lot like Sam Kinison.

A lot like Kinison. Like, you could tell that they worked together. You know? And dudes work together as much as we try not to. We pick up little pieces of each other's styles. Yeah, you're tough like a strong. Yeah, yeah, totally. And part of it is like, I don't know,

it's like, we all say powerful, right? You know? Why do we all say powerful? Because of my friend larry because larry said power larry was the original powerful so you got to give credit to the original powerful but everybody says powerful you know it's out there too much yeah it's like it's out there it's nobody's now never no one's saying they invented it they're all yeah exactly you get it it's not like people all around saying that yeah like you can't exactly rad is a perfect example anything like that there's like

something that's hot it just becomes a part of the vernacular huge huge all that shit dude it's huge and when that happens but that's the original powerful is larry but anyway my point is that bill hicks and kinnison i don't know which came first, the chicken or the egg. I don't know who was influencing who. I know Kinison was the godfather of comedy in Houston. He was the guy that made everybody want to do comedy. He was the guy that was the leader of the outlaws. And Hicks was clearly his underling.

But if you look at the writing, Hicks' writing was so much different. They were so different. they both developed into their own thing yeah you know Hicks always had to like say something whereas Kenison was just fucking we're here for fun we're here to party we're here for chaos you know you got it with the kind of thing anyway you got us take yeah definitely you don't just say He did it with jokes. Yeah. Like, I think that that's it.

Life keeps fucking you in the ass even after you're dead. Oh. It was like, wow, you can't say better how you really feel about life. Can't say better. That was an awesome one

and the one on the starving children, those commercials. Come on, that's one of the greatest comedy bits in the history of the universe. When he's doing that bit about those kids starving, I'm like,

you want me to feed them? Why don't you feed them you're right fucking there no it's like don't feed them seven people like me seven people that are gonna go there and tell you that we wouldn't have to come here 5,000 miles with your food if you people live with a phone is you live in a desert there's no which will still that's the desert come here here. Come here, motherfucker. You know what this is? That's sand. You know what it's going to be a thousand years from now? Fucking sand.

We got deserts in America, too. We just don't live in them, asshole. Oh, oh. And you go, God damn. I remember when I first saw that, I was like, that's the greatest comedy I've ever seen ever. Just completely not caring. Just didn't give a fuck, and there was no one like it.

Because I grew up in, when I first heard Kenneson, I was living in really conservative Boston. Really religious, everyone was either Catholic or Jewish, very conservative. A lot of angry people, but also very conservative. You never heard shit like that. Nothing. You never heard people have the balls to talk like that. Even when your friends are around, you're all by yourselves, you don't have the balls to talk that crazy. So to hear someone like that, you're like, whoa! He changed comedy. He's one of those guys who came on and changed comedy. There was nobody like that before him.

He was a total original. There was a Young Comedians special where you see, I think Sager was on it, a couple other guys, Nelson or whatever his guy's name was. And it was like, you know, that's that type of comedy. And you see him come on, you're like, oh, it's all going to be that from now on. Like, it's all, it can't be the old way anymore.

Yeah, they were fine. They were all good, but he was just so raw. So much energy. So much power. And but he was just so raw. So much energy. Yeah. So much power. And what he was saying made so much fucking sense. And it was all so real, too.

Yeah. It wasn't like, hey, this is, it was the same one where Bob Nelson put, is that his name, Bob Nelson? Yeah.

And he put balloons in his ear. It's my impression of a football player when he runs. Yeah. And it's like, all right,

that's a funny thing you did, but it's not you yeah it's not it wasn't as good when kinson did that joke about jesus yeah you think jesus coming back i think the last words we ever heard from jesus are oh oh not my left hand oh oh that whole screaming style that powerful style I mean that's my favorite kind of comedy like Joey Diaz when he's mad yeah he's fucking screaming at you when he's getting fucking crazy I love that kill something Latin I'll kill George Bush I'll fucking kill Kobe Bryant fuck you five dollars come on that was awesome I like

Hedberg's style I like them all man I like them all I like that too but I like them all man that's that's the beautiful thing about comedy is you can't tell someone how to do comedy right right nobody can do it correctly there's just anybody's got their own way comedy is just a nutty fucking art form man everybody. Everybody's got a different way of doing it and every way works. You know? Like, if Mitch Hedberg was trying to do his act

like Kinnison, that would be crazy. But if Kinnison was trying to do his act like Mitch Hedberg, like, what? I wonder if there's any footage of old,

old Mitch Hedberg right when he's starting to open mics when he's trying to do like normal boy comedy before he developed it. That would be really interesting to see.

How are you guys how you doing well have you seen the um larry the cable guy videos yeah right that's incredible yeah dan whitney yeah that guy larry the cable guy is the most successful stand-up comedian in the history of the world no one's even close i't know. As far as live gate sales, he sells out like football arenas, man. Really? Football arenas, like 50,000 people. Josh Wolfe opens for him.

Yeah, he does. They get on a giant stage in a fucking football arena, dude. That's crazy. He had pictures of it on his phone. He was showing them pictures. He's like, look, man, this is the audience. You look at it, you go, what the fuck? Yeah.

That's like a world. You're doing it for like, you're doing like a country. How do you connect with all those fucking people? You just tell your jokes slowly. I don't know man,

do you think you could connect with all those people? I don't know. No. Man, you'd have to be a powerful, charismatic motherfucker. They would have to

really like you too to connect with all those people. facial expressions are so far back. It's true. But the only thing is that They would have to really like you, too, to connect with all those people. Facial expressions are so far back. It's true. The only thing is that they would have to have some big-ass screens. Yeah, I'm sure they'll have that. But football arenas are primarily outdoor things, right? Uh-huh.

They're never covered, right? No, they're covered sometimes. And they're heated sometimes. 25% of the time. Sometimes they're heated. If they're indoors, yeah, they're heated. They're like in Minneapolis, the Metrodome. Oh, they have to be, right?

They have to be. It's like 30 below zero. No, they can have outside. Like Green Bay, they have outside. Do they have outside when it's 30 below zero? Yeah. People go to the games? They never cancel football games.

God damn, that's crazy. Football games are motherfuckers, man. When you see those dudes playing in snow. There's always that one fan with no shirt on, painted up. Nuts, man. Yeah. There's something cool about that.

Yeah. There's something, if you want to talk about a sport that really does represent America, that represents America. That's a crazy-ass fucking sport. They will play

even if it's pouring rain. No rain out there. Well, the conditions aren't good. Tough shit. Sunday, brother. Yeah. In some countries, they have to deal with inclement weather so much. Yeah. uh-uh monsoons conditions aren't good yeah tough shit Sunday brother yeah it's like

in some countries they have to deal with inclement weather so much yeah you know some places have to deal

with something we don't have nothing in California baseball it's like it's raining let's it's 73 degrees

isn't that incredible yeah isn't that incredible they won't even play in the rain yeah it'll be harder they're not even hitting each other

with anything yeah you know those guys are snowed in and they're running into each other full clip in the fucking freezing cold. You remember when you were a little kid, you would fall when it was cold out? It would hurt so much more. Well, catching a football in the cold, when somebody whips it in, you go, Ow!

Fuck! It hurts so bad. I mean, how cold, how much does it hurt when you get clipped by a fucking gigantic 300-pound mine load? Oh, yeah. God, that must be so painful do you think we reached the end of this program let's go eat something pretty close i think this is about the end we've determined that at two hours in we usually start getting boring i'm hungry as shit and ari arsh if you got them munchies um we didn't take that many questions but hopefully we were entertaining to you bitches. But sometimes the questions helped us go on to a bet.

Yes. Yes, definitely. Well, if it wasn't for you guys, we couldn't have done this, honestly. What did we do? We just talked. That's what we're going to do with ONA. They'll take a call. They'll deal with it for a while, and they'll go off until they're ready for another caller.

You know, they'll just keep going. Well, we've been looking for something like this for a long time. We've been looking for something like this, like to do some We've been looking for something like this to do some sort of a radio show. And I've talked about it. Like, hey, maybe we could all do Death Squad radio or something like that. But really what I realized is that the best way to do it is to do it like this. Do it on the internet. And we'll have this thing evolve.

Turn this room into a real setup where you can sit down and watch us. Professional studio. Yeah, and we're going to have laptops set up so that we can play videos like, you know, like, hey, there's a, you know, some crazy new

fucking animal attack video. Can we figure out a way so that when we do play a video, just plug it in and then the screen goes to that video? No, no, no. Next week, we're going to have it

completely different. Next week is when we're going to have all that stuff, like video on video. We could have like three people talking at once. We're just, he's going to have it completely different. Next week is when we're going to have all that stuff, like video on video. We could have like three people talking at once. He's going to have his internet done. It's done right now. We just have to change the router. Next week's show will have a bunch of fun shit.

Yeah, what we're going to do is we're going to keep doing this every week. It's going to expand. I think eventually the internet is going to make its way into your car. That's what I think is going to happen. I think the internet with podcasts and stuff like that. We aren't making MP3s of this. We should have. Maybe we can.

No, we can still make it. Okay. We'll start making MP3s and putting it up as podcasts. Because there was nothing about this where you needed to see us. So we're going to do shit like this. And then we're just going to do a lot more internet stuff. shit like this and then we're just going to do a lot more internet stuff. Really,

what's really good about any sort of a television show is the money, A, and the fact that people now come out to see your stand-up, which is what we're always trying to work on. You know, I mean, if you've never seen Ari, Ari's fucking hilarious. There's a lot of dudes that are out there that are headlining these big clubs that

in my opinion, they're not as developed as Ari is. They're not as developed as Ari is. They're not as funny as Ari is, but Ari doesn't have that many credits. It's hard for clubs to book him and then they assume that people are going to come out and see him. People come out and see somebody because they know that guy from a movie

or from a television show or whatever. Ari is a filthy pig. He goes on stage in these auditions and they say whatever you do don't talk about rape so what does Ari do he does this

7 minute rape bit which is a hilarious bit but you know like the reason why some dudes are funny is also the reason why people don't find out that some dudes are funny

we have a guy that we know that's probably one of the funniest guys ever this guy Brian Holtzman and no one knows who Brian Holtzman is because he's so crazy. He should have hit big. He was the guy that was so crazy.

We would always go into the back of the room and watch him when he went on stage. Such a real hatred. Yeah, and get so angry and nutty. Every now and then he'd break character. And a nice guy to be around too. When he was hanging around at the club, he was always friendly. You know what I would love to see? A reality show with Brody Stevens and him.

And they live together. Why? Brody was too sensitive. He'd get mad. But wouldn't that be great? No. Brody Stevens and Brent Ernst. No. No. I think the Holtzman and Brody Stevens together would be hilarious. Do you think that following comedians would be worthwhile for like a show?

Like if you look at like the Kardashians, keeping up with the Kardashians. But if it was actually real real, I think it would be interesting. Yeah. To get them to have fucked up some more. What's the appeal of keeping up with the Kardashians? Just that she's got a fat ass. Right. That's it.

Are they dumb? Yeah, they're dumb. Is that what it is? But a lot of people are dumb too. They're harass? Yeah, they're dumb. Is that what it is? But a lot of people are dumb too. They don't mind. Well, sort of. You know, they have some money.

Not like Paris Hilton money. There's a lot of people with good asses. Yeah, but you just gotta put one on TV. People become famous just because of their ass. The Vida Guerra chick.

I know who she is. She probably doesn't even know who I am. I know who she is. Why? Because of her ass. I don't even know what her voice sounds like. I know her face looks like Joey Diaz. But she's only doing ass stuff.

She sits on that shit. You know what she's doing. But they'll take someone like, what's her name? You're a TV star now. Jennifer Lopez. How about that? Famous because of her ass. Not really. Famous because of her talent. But recognized because of her ass. Not really. Famous because of her talent, but recognized

because of her ass. That's like one celebrity where everybody talks. If you talk about Jennifer Lopez, you talk about her ass. There's a lot of celebrities that have great asses. And her feet. Her feet are hot? You're a fucking weirdo. God damn it. What's up with people liking feet?

That's so gross. That's a very strange thing. Yeah, very strange thing. But anyway, we're always trying to do something fun where we can all do it together and just hang out and shoot the shit because we have these conversations sometimes and we say, man, this is way more fun than a radio show. Why don't we do our own thing like this? Just figuring out how to get it made is always the bitch.

That's always the hard part. But this is easy. Now that there's something like this we don't have to figure out shit so we'll do this I think it's a good creative outlet like we have to go over what we said today but there was some funny shit that could have been bits you know because we're just ready to give a 360 camera 360 of the whole room multiple cameras face each You can face each other. Multiple cameras. We're going to have multiple cameras. Yeah.

I may have it set up so you can choose which camera you want. So if it's multiple cameras, can we have it so they set up to choose which camera it is but everyone comes off

one sound feed? Right. Oh, okay, good. Oh, that's awesome, man. All right, well, that's what we're going to do, ladies and gentlemen. I'm doing a four square box.

And we're just going to do more of this shit, let you guys know what the fuck is going down. This Sunday night, ladies and gentlemen. I'm doing a four square box. And we're just going to do more of this shit. Let you guys know what the fuck is going down. This Sunday night, Ari and I are at the 930 Club in Washington, D.C. And it's Ari's old stomping grounds.

So if there's any of you hookers out there with an itchy mouth... It has nothing to do with my old stomping grounds. I'm still willing. It has nothing to do with my old stomping grounds. Ari's been saying he really would like a blowjob. Let's get blown in DC. A return show in DC.

It's a way we can honor our new president, Barack Obama. And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for tuning in to our little YouTube, or excuse me, Ustream show. And we'll see you next week. And eventually we'll have a regular time that we try to adhere to every week and it might move around a little bit but for the most part it'll be like around now like Wednesday afternoon possibly Tuesday if we have to sub out if you get started more on time

yeah people get used like at three it'll be on you know it's a little bit