The Joe Rogan Experience - #300 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: December 18, 2012

Joe sits down with Joey Diaz.

yeah i got one thing to say first of all i got a bunch of things to say i got um i want to say skull candy thanks for sending us these awesome headphones but skull candy why do you have a fucking button that shuts them off because if i'm djing this this button is silly that's a silly bitch of a button well it's just because that we constantly accidentally hit it and we think something more like insane it's broke and so then we're like trying to fix something that doesn't yeah the podcast was delayed by a solid 20 seconds because i was scrambling to try to figure out how to fix that shit last night a dj saved my life joey coco diaz will be joining me and our pal Douglas Stanhope, who will also be on the podcast this Saturday afternoon.

And Joey Coco Diaz will be joining me and Doug Stanhope and Honey Honey Band Friday at the end of the world. Basically sold out. There's like single tickets left that are scattered around the room. People coming in from all over the world. We're very excited. And we're hoping that if we have a good show, the world won't actually end. I think we can keep it together.

I think we can keep this simulation together, Joe Diaz. What do you think? I hope so, brother. I hope so. I don't want it to end. It's too much fun. Fuck no. But a lot of things have been happening.

So, you know, a lot of weird shit happened this year. So maybe they're onto something. But I don't think it's going to end. I think it's just changed how we're living. There's something that we were talking about before the show where there's a page that shows all the various – and what drugs the young kids were on, whether it was 14-year-olds on Prozac, whether it's Paxil, Zoloft. I mean, it's incredible. If you look at the history of school shootings from, you know,

I mean, it goes all the way back to 1992. I mean, it goes all the way back to 1992. Kids that were on drugs that were in the 1990s that were putting people on different meds, and some of these kids wound up being school shooters. Does that mean the kid wasn't already fucked up and wasn't already really troubled to begin with, and maybe the fucking drugs kept him from doing something even more horrible earlier?

I don't know. But you've got to look at this. This thing is crazy. drugs kept him from doing something even more horrible earlier i don't know but you gotta look at this this thing is crazy it's like 2008 school shooting paxil withdrawal prozac withdrawal rather um 2008 prozac and paxil zoloft zoloft med for depression med for depression med for depression withdrawal antidepressant that's crazy zoloft antidepressant antidepressant. Zoloft. Antidepressant. Antidepressant. And this is like each school shooting, each one of these kids is on one of these fucking things.

SSRIs. Meds for depression. Antidepressant. I mean, I'm reading off like virtually every school shooting. I mean, this is a fucking crazy situation if every one of those shooters is on psych meds. Does that mean that the psych meds are causing it? No. No, that doesn't mean that. What it does mean is that you're dealing with some very fucked up people, which we know by the results.

But that connection should at least be investigated. Yeah, absolutely. That needs to be be we need to understand what the fuck is going on even if it's only a small percentage of the population who have these psychotic episodes how many people have like very similar thoughts and don't act how many people have like extreme feelings of detachment and don't report it what is that map show the people that are are not on anything also like you like no prescription medicine no this one is just all of the different school shootings that were connected to uh to kids on drugs all right let's google that though that's a really good point what if it was like 90 not on something yeah

well i don't think so because there would have to be too many shootings there's so many in the in the prozac ones it's like come on how many have there been? There's so many in the antidepressant ones, school shootings from kids not on antidepressants. Joey, did you have a lot of people in your school growing up that brought guns, or did you ever have any? That didn't exist, right? This is just something. I was just thinking about Joe's age,

because I wanted to ask Joe a question. When you were in the 8th, 7th, and 6th grade, if a kid went to the meds office to take meds in the daytime, we all thought he was fucking crazy. We all thought he was crazy when I was a kid. I never heard of all these pills until lately. Me personally, when a parent tells me that their kid's on something, I want to smack the parent, but again, it's none of my business

how you raise your child. I have my own problems. But you're giving these, like I told Joe, you're giving these kids pills. And it really is because you're not working on parenting. You're so short. Whatever the fuck it is, your kid needs attention. Somebody told me that with children, you have to put the time in now. Or if not, you have to put the time in later.

He goes, when he had his daughters, both his daughters, he was very involved. You know, we sit and talk like men on this podcast. After the situation on Friday, I read everybody. I didn't say anything on Twitter or Facebook. I'm not one of those people who's going to talk shit because I don't know what the fuck's going on. I wasn't there. But I will tell you where I was.

Between the ages of 7 and 10, my mother was married to a very violent man. Not towards me or my mother, but he was very violent, i.e. I seen him shoot somebody in the leg when I was 8. Shoot! Not hear about it, not that somebody told me. I seen him throw two wicked beatings on people, and I seen him stab a few people. His weapon of choice was having a knife. Do you know when I was 8, Joe, I had a living, my mother had the big house with the bedrooms, but she made my bedroom the attic, and I was very scared of sleeping up there. And I would throw a tantrum like any other child who's eight or seven. You have children.

We're scared. We heard the boogeyman. Do you know this guy used to give me a gun with a silencer? Are you serious? When you were eight? Eight. Give me a gun with a silencer. He said, there ain't no spirits.

If you see a spirit, you shoot him. And I'd put the thing down next to him and I go to bed. And he come up in the morning before my mother come up and he go, give me the gun back. And I give him the gun with the fucking silence and he go downstairs. This is Juan Tuero now. I've been ashamed to tell this story, but I have to admit it. Why? You ever see me fucking, you ever see me with a weapon and knife and gun and crazy?

You red man? No. Have I ever taken a weapon and knife? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, a gun? No. You, Redman? No. Have I ever taken a weapon? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, though. Wasn't there a Jay Moore situation? Yeah.

Yeah, but I didn't have a gun. You told him you had a gun. No, I had a gun three doors away as protection, but I didn't have it on me. I still have that gun. But what happened in that? No, that doesn't matter. But it does matter. No, no, no. What I'm talking about here is that you've never, ever seen me, you know, I never snapped.

Right. Juan had a 007 knife, which your generation remembers. I remember those. It was like a buck knife. Like a buck knife with a fucking wooden handle that actually said 007 on it. Yeah, 007. That was what he carried in his fucking painter's pants. In the 70s, when you wore painter's pants, it didn't mean that you were a painter.

It means you were packing fucking a knife that would stab your fucking throat off. Well, if you're in Arizona and you see a gentleman with a fanny pack on, there's a gun in that thing, most likely. Especially if he's got his shirt tucked into his pants. I was raised around weapons from that age. I was raised around drugs. And at 15, whatever, I had a bad situation happen in my

house, and I was still connected with weapons or whatever. You know what? It never gave me the urge to take a weapon and shoot somebody or whatever. As angry as I was at the world. But I guarantee if I had thrown some kind of drug on me at the age of 12 or 13, I would

have possibly been able to do something like that. So there's different variables here, Joe. I was raised around weapons. So for them to say it's a weapons fault breaks my fucking heart. That's not fair. I was raised around weapons and I'm unstable. We've all agreed on that situation in the fucking room.

So when I hear that shit, it breaks my heart. So do you think that it's possible? Look, you've been in altered states of consciousness where you went on benders and you weren't in the right frame of mind. Could you imagine that some of these people could be on something that really sort of disconnects them with the normal everyday feelings that we all have? I mean we don't understand what the real developmental effects of a lot of these things are. We have vague ideas of whether or not it's quote unquote helping people, but there's not a lot known about the long term effects of raising young people on these types of medications. There hasn't been hundreds of years of research done on it. You know, there hasn't been a lot of anecdotal evidence that's been studied and carefully

reviewed. There's a lot of people pushing shit on kids just to calm them the fuck down and they're not exactly sure what the repercussions are gonna be when that guy turns 25 18 we're not stable we weren't stable I know you were I know I definitely was I got super lucky man I could have gone down some really bad roads but I found martial arts at a really early age. So by the time I was 15, I was completely obsessed with martial arts. That's all I did with my time. And I watched all these kids around me, like, thrashing around, trying to find their place in the world and not having anything that tests them or defines them.

And I realized very early on that I was really lucky to find the martial arts and even though martial arts consumed me to the point where I paid very little attention to schoolwork I didn't give a fuck about schoolwork dude I didn't give a fuck I was I had nightmares that I was going to fail and have to go back because in my nightmares I was trying to figure out whether I'd go back at all whether I just tell them to go fuck themselves I thought about telling them to go fuck themselves when I was 16 because I heard that you can quit school when you were 16. I'm like,

what am I getting out of this that I can't get out of books? This is not, I guess socially, am I getting something out of it? I was trying to analyze it myself, but I barely paid attention. All I gave a fuck was training.

That's all I cared about. I quit. Did you quit? What year was it? My senior year. You just said, fuck it. I had to quit.

I had to make a living and then I ended up going back like in January, and I felt really bad about quitting. Did you get a GED or a diploma? They fucking, there was two political genres in my hometown. So the one political genre was the one that pushed me. The other political genre wanted me to fuck out of there. So by the time I got back in, the other political genres in, they said I missed graduating by a credit. I had no reason to walk down and get a graduate anyway because I had no family there.

I didn't give a fuck about a diploma or shaking somebody's hand. But it was important to me to get a diploma that was a credit short. And they tried to give me like a credit for football, but they said it wasn't counting. So I ended up having to go to summer school. I told them to suck my dick and I got a GED in Colorado. And then went to fucking school anyway. You know, it didn't really matter. I got accepted into a college anyway, so it really didn't fucking matter to me.

Yeah, if you can get into a community college and show good grades, and then you can get into a better college. But at that age, I thought that quitting high school was the beginning of the end. At that age, I really thought I was going to end up. I did too. Well, I went to college. The whole reason I went to college was so that people i really thought i was gonna i did too no i thought well i went to college the whole reason i went to college was to so that people didn't think i was a loser it's the whole reason 100 so that i could say i'm going to college i had no no business there because again

it was like that was when i was 18 and all i was thinking about was competing that's all i was doing i was obsessed i was not i'm not i was not good at like doing a bunch of different things You know like if I had a girlfriend Like one of my problems was my first girlfriend in high school. We first started banging I cease and desist at all other activities. I mean all do everything. Yeah Yeah, but nothing I didn't do anything else. I was just saying I was obsessed and hanging out with this girl I think I left back in the seventh grade for because I fucking I'm that stupid No, the fucking monkey drove me fucking nuts I was obsessed and hanging around with this girl. Well, I think I got left back in the seventh grade for it because I fucking am that stupid? No.

The fucking monkey drove me fucking nuts. The monkey. No, I'm sorry to interrupt you. Go ahead. So what happened? Did you quit everything? Karate? I quit Taekwondo.

I quit Taekwondo for months. For months I didn't train. And then I finally, I don't know whether I got tired of fucking her or, you know, I just came to my senses. I got back there and started training again. And then I became obsessed with that again and not as much her. Was that your first love, that same broad? Yeah, yeah, definitely.

That was my first love, too, the one that fucked me up completely. Well, I had two at the same time during that period of time, like sort of an on and off situation. When one of them wouldn't work out, then the other one would somehow or another magically wind up being single at the the same time like went for like a couple years went back and forth but one was like i was way closer to one than the other one was actually really cool she's pretty smart interesting chick from a single mom she had like she was she was interesting she was smart you know and she was um she went on to be uh, she worked for the government or some shit like that.

She did some computer work for the government. I forget, we were like in our early 20s and she was explaining to me what she does. It's very, very, you know, very interesting to like be in touch with someone from the time you knew them when you were 14. You just fingering each other and jerking each other off to like, all of a sudden she like works for the government you know grown-up human being it's like all right I guess we're real live adults now so what I was in love with I used to go roll this game with her and shit on the weekends and we were holding hands she wouldn't give me the pussy she just let me dry on for the debt and I would dry hump of the earth when the fire every fucking afternoon but she was in love with Donny Osmond

with Donny Osmond had a show with Marie then. Yeah. On Friday nights, I was going to fuck Donny Osmond, dog. That was my competition. Then when she realized she couldn't have Donny Osmond, she let me give her a little tap and it set me off, dog. It's amazing that I never got this girl pregnant. Set me off, yeah.

We didn't use any birth control. Fuck birth control. We were just pulling out. I was like 15 or 16 or something like that and we fucked all day we fucked every day if there was some ovulation we were fucking while she was ovulating

what do you think that is cause there's a lot of times where it's like that where it's like you got lucky you got lucky you were eating pussy and ass and everything at that age

Joe Rogan you were eating pussy like hell yeah savagely not ass no I wasn't eating ass yeah I started assing first of off back then it wasn't the same because ass was like hairy there was like you know you went if you went down on a girl like

there's fucking hair everywhere no nobody did anything about it they didn't trim it they just let it go it was california bananas different also dude i dated a girl when i was in my really early 20s and i took her pants off, and I was just shocked. I was flabbergasted. I was like, how could you just leave it like that? She was Italian, and it was ridiculous. It was asshole to pussy all the way up to the size of the thighs. It was just chaos.

It was unbelievable chaos. And between that pussy and that asshole, it's a little wang. It smells like a garlic hot dog or some shit. Why is that repulsive? I love it. I love it. But what is it about like asshole hair and all that stuff that's gross? What is it about that?

But it is. Girls shave their legs, you know, so you're used to girls not having hair at all. I never thought it was disgusting when you're eating that pussy and it's swampy and there's hair and shit all over your fucking face. I'm telling you. Someone said that women started shaving their legs during World War II because that's when they were running out of pantyhose. Does that make any sense? Yeah, kind of.

That doesn't make any sense to me. When did women start shaving their legs? As soon as they realized that men would fuck them harder if they didn't have hair on their legs. Right? Yeah. Yes. I don't mind a little right pussy, but the worst is there's so many things going on, like yeast infections

and things like that. What kind of girls are you dating, son? You know where yeast infections come from? One of the big reasons? From ass to vagina? There's a little of that. That's actually even more's all that's actually more dangerous because that's like e coli you can have like real problems like you can die you can have like septic pussy and rot out from the inside what i was gonna say is it's from other

dudes shooting loads into the same hole really yep oh yeah it's nature letting you know she's a skank wow it does happen with some girls for whatever reason it's like a warning sign that you know those those loads are battling to the death in there and as they're battling to the death in there she gets like some sort of a weird sort of a back you know men can get yeast infections also i found out and i found like because i was googling it to see if i had one once and then it's like oh you could just use dr sho Scholl's, you know, if you're a guy. So, like, if you could use, like, foot spray on it to kill it

if you're a guy, but don't do it if you're a girl because you have to spray it inside you. Let me tell you something else. I have fucked women from every aspect of life. What I'm saying is, like, bars, coke fucking haunts.

Coke haunts. You know, airplanes. You know, we've gotten a dick sucked as comedians after clubs and fucked them with no condoms. I'll tell you what. I've never gotten a disease. You know why airplanes. You know, we've gotten a big suck. There's comedians after clubs and fuck them with no condoms. I'll tell you what. I never got a disease. You know who I got diseases from?

College girls. Those are the filthiest little motherfuckers out there. Those little keg-going dirty fucks that get fucked and they don't remember all that shit. Them filthy fucks. Those are the filthy motherfuckers. I got that chlamydia shit where you had that yogurt coming out of your dick. And then I gave it to the chick. I had not now.

I mean, I'm fucking 50. I had it when I was 28. I caught it from a waitress at the broker, a joker. I was a comic there. I was the house emcee on Tuesdays. Where is it? In Boulder. That's where I started comedy.

It's called the broker? The broker inn. They used to have The Broker Joker. And on Wednesday nights, Tuesday nights, it was sponsored by, what was the other beer in the 90s beside Heineken? Coors? That was Germany. No, no.

Oh, Becks? Becks. It was Becks Comedy Night. So the Becks would give me a deuce. Becks fell off. Becks, yeah. They were done. What happened with Becks?

Fuck. They made me the house emcee. Fuck those cocksuckers, right? And I banged her in the fucking, and I banged her first for like a year. I was in love with this college chick. I kept getting itches. This chick had more fucking diseases. One day I go to eat that little monkey, and you can see like where the chlamydia leaked out of her monkey,

and it dried, and it did whatever. It was like paint. After you paint it, and the fucking monkey just dries on the wall and shit like that. I looked at it and I didn't go to the doctor either. That time I got chlamydia. I didn't know until years later. I asked somebody, what happened to chlamydia? Because nobody died.

You know what I'm saying? I didn't go to the doctor in those days. I was 28. I was too busy slinging dick. What do they do for you? They give you a shot? Does your body fight it off if you don't get the shot? Chlamydia? Yeah. I don't know. I think that's something you have to go you a shot? Does your body fight it off if you don't get the shot? For chlamydia?

Yeah. I don't know. I think that's something you have to go to a doctor for. I didn't go to a doctor. I didn't find out until years later when I was embarrassed

and I had somebody coked up. I said, listen, when you get that little white yogurt that comes out of your throat you can just try

his mid-level. What is that? And they're like, it's chlamydia or some shit like that. See, I thought that because I had the word

clit in it you couldn't get it. No, you're a filthy fuck. I think she used to have a Korean roommate that gave me something to do. That's Ohio suburbs, 14-year-old science.

It's like penis dribbles or something like that. You can't, like, if you have a vagina, you couldn't get that. Oh, I get it. You know what I mean? Chlamydia.

Yeah. Because it has clitoris in it. Yeah. The Korean roommate that when she went to New York, gave me something, too. But that wasn't a venereal disease. That was like a rash where I just scratched my fucking skin off my nutsack. And what did you do about that?

At that time, I had to go to the pharmacy, and he goes, dog, you need help. You went to a pharmacy and pulled your dick out? No, I showed him my nutsack. I was friends with the fucking guy. You know what I'm saying? My CVS is completely different than yours. What neighborhood was this in? This was in Boulder. Okay.

This was in North Boulder by the hospital. So you go here with this dog. No, I knew the dude. I knew the dude. I'm going to take a look at my nuts. I knew the dude. I knew he snorted blows. I would bring him a rock from time to time and give him free medical advice.

Okay. So fuck it. That was it. So you showed him your balls. And he said, you got to go to the doctor and get a cream. So I went to the doctor in Boulder and I I told him the truth, and I got it. What did he say it was? Some skin disease, something in the ringworm cousin.

Whoa, you got pussy ringworm? Yeah, but I had ringworm when I was a kid from playing in the weeds in Jersey. What a dirty bitch. She gave you pussy ringworm? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's unprecedented. That's unprecedented. That's a dark dark girl

itching your nutsack that won't go the fuck away you ripped that motherfucker apart dog yeah i know a lot about uh ringworm because of jujitsu if you're if you're getting ringworm here's one thing you don't want to do don't use antibacterial soap you got to be real careful about that shit when when you use antibacterial soap it's okay if you're going to do operations on people and shit. But the issue with antibacterial soap is it kills all the good bacteria in your body too. So there's a company called Defense Soap. And they make this soap that has all natural oils like tea tree oil, eucalyptus oil. All natural oils that keep the bad shit from growing but help the healthy shit it's all

like it promotes good flora good skin flora but that's where like kaka pooch for your fucking skin kaka pooch that juice you fucking drink the cup of juice kombucha kombucha probiotics back yeah probiotic that's a probiotic acidophilus that's another probiotic there's a you could actually like sauerkraut you can get like certain types of sauerkraut like for vegans for people don't want to eat animal products they can get probiotics that way but you know they're just it's like what size animal you're not allowed to eat because at a certain point in time you're eating some fucking living fungus you're eating some little some little microbes there that are running around i guess they can't cry since they can't cry you're allowed to eat them like well you're allowed to eat ants if you're a vegan can you have like chocolate covered ants probably not

probably not living thing ants no microbes yes you're allowed to eat the microbes you're gonna eat living things if you're gonna if you're gonna have probiotics you gotta eat something that's alive it just can't complain so you just fucking eat it. Do you know they sell bugs now at Abercrombie? Or no, Urban Outfitters, the clothing store. They have chocolate-covered bugs that you can buy. You know how you're waiting to check out and they have all that shit that they want you to buy at the last second? So that's because they figure they've made you retarded from that spray that they're spraying in that place to keep it stinky.

Oh, no, you're thinking Abercrombie. No, no, Urban urban outfitters is different like abercrombie is the one where the music's super loud and it has like this stupid cologne smell everywhere shaved gay guys all over the wall yeah they're like hugging girls and they all have perfect hair and it smells so bad like that place is ridiculous you ever go to abercrombie and fetch anybody ever rope you in so that's what happens when you have daughters someone Someone needs to go into Abercrombie. It's like going into the skunk house. That's what it's like.

It's like, you know, someone's got to clean up the skunk shit. I'll do it. All right, I'll do it. Like, you're going into an area where you know you can only last a certain amount of time. Okay, if you go into the Gap or whatever, go in to buy a pair of Levi's, you can sit down in that store for an hour and read a book if you had to. But you go into that amber crumbie and fitch that motherfucker is toxic gas it's all stinky smells and it's a stinky smell

it's not good are you serious it's like it's like uh glendale 24-hour fitness locker room is that how they do it is that how they fucking do it is that how they want to do it is that they do it on purpose i asked asked this girl who was working there. I go, why do you keep spraying that stuff? She goes, they make us. They make us every, like, on the hour. You have to walk around and spray this shit. Yeah.

Whoever owns that store is a moron. The advantages of being 2X. You don't have to go to this place. No. They don't have my size in any of those fucking places. So where do you go? I have pants, but I can't fit shirts. You go to a special store?

You know what, bro? You cannot. You don't know what you're buying anymore. Until you buy it. You like something, you buy it, you try it on. Sometimes I get a pair of pants and they're 42. And they fucking fit. And sometimes 42 don't go around my leg.

It depends whether it's a European cut or it's an American cut. Yeah. I bought clothes when I go to Tennessee. Everything fucking fits. In Tennessee they make the clothes smaller. So do you follow what I'm saying? In Tennessee I fit in a 1X. Oh really? That's interesting.

Because there's a lot of big people in Tennessee. We need to make double X a little bit bigger. So when you go to like Frank and Chee double X I'm not double X. Double X, Lil' Bad Bagger. Bagger. So when you go to like, thank you, double X. What's the, what's the outlets?

Like Macy's. Okay, when you go to Macy's here and you see a 2X, you'll put it on and you're like, ah, it's breathing.

I go to Houston and get that same 2X. It's a fucking 3X. Right. So it's very weird. That's interesting. It's happening across the country. Houston has the biggest people, doesn't it? Isn't that what it's marketing across the country Houston has the biggest people

Doesn't it Isn't that what's supposed to be Houston was the fattest It's between Houston and Dallas But listen How can you fucking Be skinny in a town Where the breakfast

Is those fucking hot dogs And a bun You can't lose Because I could Listen As a stoner I don't give a fuck What type of fitness you're in

You gotta stop over there Once a week I tell you what When you go to Texas And you fucking sit down And they serve you a 24-ounce steak, and you're like, God damn it, fuck it, I'm in Texas. Let's just do this. It seems like what you're supposed to be doing there.

When you're looking over at the dude next to you with his giant belt buckle and cowboy hat, he gives you the nod as he's cutting into the meat. Do you know what was the deadliest place we ever went to as a restaurant? Bryant. Remember when we went to Houston, and after that night, we all went to that fucking restaurant. Brian, remember when we went to Houston and after that night we all went to that fucking place with the old guy and we sat at the table like this and they brought us Greek food. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they brought us the Greek pizza. The place is great. Let's get it out of the fucking way. Bebe's? Was that the name of it? No, no, no, no. It's a Greek place. In fact, I just got an invite to his birthday.

What was the name of the place, God damn it? Remember the kid? Yeah, yeah, he used to come by the... Beavers? Beavers. Beavers. Beavers. Not what I said.

Beavers. Beavers. Beavers. Beavers. I think Beavers is a girl's clothing store. Oh, yeah. Beavers. Beavers.

Beavers. But the fucking guy in the daytime used to insult people. They had a waiter that used to insult people. He was grilling. And he would give you the weight, the fucking thing, and he'd come up to you like five minutes later, what do you want for breakfast? I don't know you. These dot, these dot'd come up to you like five minutes later, what do you want for breakfast? I don't know you. These, that, these, that.

Make up your mind. He would fucking yell at people. The people liked it. They had old school waitresses there too, right? Old school. They were 100 apiece. If you were younger than 80, do not apply, dog. They would make them up.

No plastic surgery like that hag we see in the baseball commercial. They were like that. These were women that were 80, dog. And the best about Greeks is they're like Jews, but even better. They don't accuse nobody of stealing or nothing, but let's just, let's not, why doubt it? Let's just put my mother behind the register. Right, right. They always have the cook's mother behind.

Why take the chance? Right. And that bitch will not go home. Am I lying, though? You go out to the pool. You go before pool at 7. She's there. And at the pool she's still there.

She's sleeping. Against the thing. You got to ring the bell. And she goes, oh, I'm nice to see you. Little reading glasses. Yeah, little reading glasses on. Them bitches will put their Greek mothers there. Those motherfuckers are their 12-hour shifts.

Yeah, that was that place. That place was very much like that. That place flooded, I think. Did it really? It flooded, but it closed down. He had a couple of those places. He had like two or three of those fucking restaurants. Well, that one crazy flood, there was one of the girls who was a waitress at the laugh stop sent me a photo of where that old hotel where we used to stay at used to be.

Yeah, yeah. What was that parkway? The Allen Parkway? Allen Park Inn. Is that what it is? Yeah, the Allen Park Inn. The Allen Park Inn was so flooded it was it was like the the entire like highway was an ocean it was like a big river it was crazy like i don't know how it

happened how it got so flooded i don't know what the fuck happens that a city can get that flooded but that place was gone that place was a staple for like stand-up comics and crazy stories on the road i had this crackhead dude just insisting that i knew i knew where eddie was this is like pre-eddie bravo you know like i was there and i'm walking around and the guy goes come on man you know where eddie is where's eddie and i was like dude i do not know eddie come on man where eddie where eddie at man come on where man where come on. Like crazy and shaking and shit. And just this dude had to find this guy. And he was just walking around knocking on doors, like trying to find the guy who sells the crack.

That was the only hotel. You go back to your hotel room, piss, comb your hair a little bit, get a beer, and just sit in front of your hotel room at 2 in the morning. Within 15 minutes, somebody will walk by. Yeah. You're drinking a beer. Come sit in front of your hotel room at 2 in the morning within 15 minutes somebody will walk by you're drinking a beer come on over to my room ripping out heroin and syringes I'll tell you what though here's another thing about that place if you went down to the Allen Park Inn and a girl was willing

to go back there with you she's not she's not going to play games you're taking her to one of the dingiest creepiest spots on earth. She DTF, all right? She's like looking for a spot just as much as you are. You take this guy.

Come on, man. Where's Eddie at, man? Don't worry about him. This door is an inch thick of solid cardboard. There's no way he's going to get to us while we're naked. I was just thinking about that meal the other night, how big that meal was. That night in Houston, and how we were done at one point.

We were like, we're done. We had eight people at the table. Your friends were there from Dallas. What's his name? The nice kid, the young kid. Horace Flashwick. Yeah. They were all there, and we were ready to go.

That was the first Rogan Board circle jerk. Yeah, and they all came out and put those cheese, those Greek pizzas down. And what's that, flaming cheese? Yes. Flaming cheese? Yes. Flaming cheese. Yes. What's it called? Savak...

What's that? Sack? Skakaskutos. With the malata's juice. Yeah, they had those dolomites. It's not dolomites. That's the fucking... That's the pimp.

Dolomite's the pimp. What are those things? The leaves, the the leaves the grape leaves oh yeah stuff grape leaves oh it was the best food ever oh those are fucking fucking i mean when are you ever more hungry though than after two shows when we do two shows on a friday or saturday night we eat like unbelievable amounts and if you don't eat you go back to your room and eat your fucking stomach. It's horrible how fucking hungry you are.

You've got to get something, even like a protein something. Anything will work and you go to fucking sleep. What wears you out more than doing two shows? Is there anything where you're like when you have to do two headliner shows? Have you been doing that lately? Yeah, they mentally wear the fuck out. Yeah, right. It's a lot of talking. What are you doing, lately? Yeah, they're mentally wearing me the fuck out. Yeah, right. It's a lot of talking.

What are you doing, an hour? You're doing an hour each show? 50. 50? You know, even when you do sets around town, if you do like three sets in one night, it's 15 fucking minutes a set. Right, right, right.

You know, but a third set, you're like, it's amazing how sometimes a set flies by, and sometimes a set takes a long time, but it really does fly by but like it's just amazing comedy the whole the whole mechanics of it is getting weirder and weirder but i love it more now than ever don't you feel like the more you do it the better it gets but the more out of your hands it is it's like oh this fucking crazy thing's got a life it's on yes keep doing it keep doing it keep getting up there right you're. There's so much shit going on that you, you know, you just, I don't know.

Comedy is a lot of fun lately. I've been having a lot of fucking fun with it. Late shows. It's the best job ever, man. It's the best job ever. For us, it's the best job ever. You know, I even miss getting like on planes. The last three weeks I've been home, I miss getting on fucking planes.

Like I actually miss getting on a plane. Even a little flight from burbank to san jose you know i'm saying like on a thursday night like i was pulling those thursday nights i love that shit guys there's an adventure to our job that uh is one of the things that's real exciting about it like a last trip to austin there's a lot of adventure to our job. There always is. Adventure for me tomorrow night doing my first black room. I don't know how to do it. What's a tip, Joey? Here's a tip. Be able to run as soon as you get off stage.

That's important. Have a nice exit strategy and start off strong. Start off strong. You have to start off strong, but you also have to be relaxed. If you stutter, they will attack. Silly and goofy. They like that, don't they? They'll like that, but you also have to be relaxed. If you stutter, they will attack. They will go after you. Silly and goofy.

They like that, don't they? They'll like that, but you also have to be smooth with your words. You have to be well prepared. Wet and roll. They appreciate, for real, black crowds are more likely to appreciate good showmanship. Oh, really? And someone who's a really good entertainer. But they're also

more critical. So they will come down on you if you start stuttering. If you start stuttering, white people will give you a chance to recover. Right. Black people,

not so much. Wow. Yeah. Not to interrupt. They're not here to listen to your bullshit. I pay, motherfucker. I pay to see you.

I'm going to get some profit, too. I started in a black room, but the biggest bombing that I never got back on a black stage was in a black room. Not to interrupt you or to get this off the subject, but we're talking about black people, famous black people and drugs. I guarantee you, I will bet each of

you a hundred bucks, and I'm no genius because I don't know much about the pill world, but I guarantee you, Cat Williams' problem all started with Adderall. You think so? Because after you don't do Adderall, you got to watch something. Why did you say Adderall? Because I was watching something on Discovery where a guy went from Adderall to Speed to Meth. Because he felt that, wait a second, if I'm doing this, what will Speed do? He was like an accountant.

He was like a fucking, you know, I've never fucked with Adderalls. I just hear what people are saying, that you can write better, you write a ton better, you do all this shit better. So, dog, I've already been around the block with things that make things better. So I don't need to, you know what I'm saying? Adderall reminded me of cocaine immediately. That's what I'm saying. I felt like I had drips in my mouth.

I could see a person doing Adderall and doing two bumps uh-huh and just losing it i have a friend and i believe he's on the adderall and he's been acting very erratic lately more and more like over the last like six seven months i don't see him that often i see him you know every few months or so he's he's starting to get a little bonkers you're talking about our one friend i'm talking about a friend i'll tell you who it is when the show's over we stop recording we go outside and stand behind a car just uh because our one friend's off it no no no um i don't know which friend you're talking about uh uh up north we just saw him in uh no no that guy you're right yeah that guy is off it that guy i'm that guy's a way smarter dude than the dude I'm talking about.

The dude I'm talking about is much dumber and he's got a fucking problem. Wow. So the – I'm going to – I guarantee that it has something. It's in the mix. But why do you think that Cat is doing Adderall in the first place? What makes you think he's doing –

Maybe it's not Adderall, but it's something – I think it's cocaine and mental. But it's think he's doing telly? Maybe it's not at all, but it's something. I think it's cocaine and mental. But it's something he's mixing with that gentleman. It's something that started with the, dog, let me get this going, and now he's smoking crack with it.

Right. You know, I tell you guys, once you start doing it, and if you listen to the stories, these people start doing it with everything else. It don't matter. You know,

the chick in Florida that was drinking and doing the fucking pills. Maybe. Shooting pool and talking loud that day. Maybe he's just trying to come up with a new hour. Just, dude is just going to go off.

No, I've seen the tape. Until he's got a whole new hour. I've seen the tape from Oakland. I've seen the one where he came out with the bunny rabbit he is on his head and just shook his head for 35 fucking minutes or whatever. Yeah. And I love Cat Williams, but I'm telling you guys that these pills and this over-the-counter shit, or not over-the-counter,

this, what do you call it, pharmaceutical, these Oxycontins and all this shit. Opiates, yeah. It's just killing motherfuckers. This Adderall, all this shit.

Just smoke fucking joints. Whatever happened to just smoking a fucking pipe? I don't understand why no one's beat him back, though. How many people has he hit, but you don't hear them beating his ass? He's not a big guy. Have you seen what happens when he hits beat him back, though. Like, how many people has he hit, but you don't hear, like, them beating his ass?

He's not a big guy. Have you seen what happens when he hits people? Like, nothing. Right. He's, like, getting swatted by a four-year-old. Like, he punched the Walmart guy in the face. The guy didn't even flinch. The guy didn't go down.

The guy didn't put his hands up. The Target guy? The Target guy, whatever it was. He punched that guy in the face. It was, like, nothing. The guy was, like, that was nothing. Like, you didn't do anything to me. Well, that dude was obviously just scared of black people, I think. Was he by himself?

Yeah, because I was a young white kid from Sacramento. Was he by himself at Target? Yeah, he was by himself. Okay, so. Did you see the video? I see the video. Why don't you pull the video up? Well, no, I saw it.

What time did it happen in the afternoon? That's a good question. I guarantee this motherfucker didn't sleep the night before. Just cranking it all day. I this motherfucker didn't sleep the night before. Just cranking it all day. I guarantee he didn't sleep the night before. And do you think that's what gives him, that's why he's so, like, short-tempered? Brian, are you running snowflakes in the background, you motherfucker? Fuck yeah.

Why didn't you tell me? You know, when you don't sleep, hey, dog, when you don't fucking sleep, you don't sleep for two nights and see how agitated you are. Oh, I've been there, man. What the fuck are you talking to me like that for? You know, you get fucking agitated. It's confusing. There's a word for that. You become something.

Delirious. Delirious, yeah. So I watched that Target one, and that's what I'm thinking about. He's up the night before. You know how many times I did coke all night, and by 11 o'clock I was paranoid all night? Look at you just talking to this fucking guy the guy's got his left hand up oh just stole on him yeah he just kind of looks at his phone and he'd stole on him and then he backed up how many times

by 11 o'clock in the morning in my mind i was fine i was fine i'm right they can't tell i was doing blow all night i'll take a shower and put gel in my hair. I'm fine. They can't tell I was doing blow all night. I'll take a shower and put gel in my hair, and I'll go out there. They can't tell. But in your mind, as you're walking, you're having your own fucking conversation in your mind. What's coming out of your fucking head is amazing. This guy doesn't know. He can't tell.

That's why he walks into those places banged up like that from like fucking before. That's a horrible situation, man. So do you think that's coke? What is that? I don't know. They're saying it's crack. that from like fucking before. That's a horrible situation, man. So do you think that's coke? What is that? I don't know. They're saying it's crack. I don't fucking know. Could be that, right?

It could be that, but you got to stop and smoke that every 20 minutes. Every 20 minutes? Sure. You got a pipe on you. You got to have a little torch on you. You know, you got to have shit on you. So I don't know what the fuck it is

these people are talking about. When you smoke crack, you got to smoke every 20 minutes. Who was that really hot chick from Baywatch way back in the day? She had dark hair and she got arrested. With the crack pipe in Michigan. She was fucking around with Don Johnson.

And she looked like hell. And she was so pretty. She was in basketball with me, I think. She was in basketball. I forget what her fucking name was. Yasmin. Yasmin Bleith. She was so pretty and then all of a sudden there was this picture of her she was like the first like really famous chick to just absolutely fall apart in a drug photo i mean look at that that's insane that bitch had been up for a

year look at her she was at one point in time like she was stupid hot yeah i wonder where she what she looks like oh poor kid i thought i saw on the show like playing an attorney but i don't think it was her yeah i'm sure she's got so that's what i'm thinking if you smoke crack but if after you smoke crack for 10 hours you just go into a zone too that you don't need it anymore you're like fuck it really you don't need it anymore. You're like, fuck it. Really? I don't need this shit for another hour.

I'll go out and take a walk. I don't fucking know, Joe. You know what, man? When you're 12, you're not ready as a young man. Even with these kids, you're not ready at 18. How are you going to give somebody fucking all these pills at 12 years old? Because they have ADD. I had ADD at 12. So because they have add i had add at 12 so they fucking you so the red band yeah that's what makes for interesting people yeah you know i mean

you need to be interesting your parents came to you so you need to study hard you know what from now on at three i'm gonna pick you up i'm gonna take you to the library i'm gonna read for an hour you're gonna study now they just give you adderall or whatever the fuck they give you yeah the add now they just replace their fuckingderall or whatever the fuck they give you for your ADD. Now they just replace their fucking attention with a fucking pill. You know, there's so many things. Parenting is very hard, and there's so many things that you think replaces parenting, but it really doesn't, bro.

There's nothing like your kid coming home at 3 and you being there. You know that? How many times have you come home at 3 and there was nobody fucking there? Me too, my whole life. Me too. You know when you come home at 3 and there's nobody fucking there. Me too, my whole life. Me too. You know, once you come home at 3 and there's a $10 bill in the thing and a steak. You cook it or take the $10 and go eat, motherfucker. Yeah.

You know, in our generation, you could walk around. The neighbor's mother was there if you caught yourself. Today, these fucking kids. I mean, what do you do, man? You know, it's different times. Well, it's also some people just get a bad roll of the dice. We were talking about this yesterday, that you could get a real bad roll of the dice

and be in a terrible family. You just, unfortunately, your mother's a junkie, your father's a murderer. It's a fucking nightmare. Ta-da. It's a fucking nightmare. What can you do?

But, you know what, man? I've seen a lot of those kids, they learn from that. They don't put the blame on it, 50%, 40% maybe. how many times have you seen an attorney and you've talked to him he's an attorney because his mother stabbed the father or something there's he had a motivation behind it so yeah uh i just always thought i grew up with a lot of psychological problems and i'm like i didn't want to go shoot none of my fucking classmates right i didn't want to go do a lot of psychological problems. And I'm like, I didn't want to go shoot none of my fucking classmates. Right. I didn't want to go do a lot of fun.

I wanted to shoot my stepfather. That was it. Yeah, well, you know, Joey, I don't know what the fuck that kid's life was like. How do you, you know, it would be really important for us, I think, as a society, to try to figure out what it took to turn a person into a school shooter. Not two handguns and a rifle. I don't even want to know. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm asking you guys. A lot of guns. There was more than one gun. Really? Yeah. And if you stop and think about the Columbine shootings, I mean, we know those kids were bullied.

You know, those kids were tortured. That's an important point, too, because I think some people do not really understand how important is that their kids don't bully people and they don't understand how devastating that could be on a young kid's psyche especially if the kid's coming from an unstable house as it is and then you're you you're coming from a house where everything's in turmoil people yelling at you and you're going to school and people are pushing you around hitting you it's like your life is hell like that is why people will commit suicide you are creating their their life can be a hell or it could be just the opposite you go to school and that same kid says what's up dude what are you doing he gives you a big hug now you're happy something is creating

that bully and it's not just human nature there's some shit that's going on in that kid's life that he's trying to express and he's trying to express on other people. I saw, when I was a kid, a lot of people that would go around and beat people up. And to a man, every one of them got beat up at home. Every one of them. I had a friend, my friend Kenny, he used to love to get in fights. Kenny would just walk up to someone and start a fight. Like, come on, bitch, let's go.

And the guy would be like, what? Like, put up your fucking hands. We're going right now. The guy would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he would just start swinging. He was crazy. You know why? Because he got the fuck beat out of him as a kid.

I didn't have that. I did not get beat up as a kid. And I'm very fortunate for that. So, like, when I see kids that lash out like that or kids that want to beat people up, kids that have a different sort of anger inside of them, they have a really irrational, self-destructive sort of violence-inducing anger, a lot of that comes from being physically abused. It changes the wiring of a child's brain.

It changes the way a child associates with the people that are the most loving and protecting of him. Your mother never pulled your hair or nothing? Nope. Never gave you a smack? No. Look, my dad was a piece of shit, but one thing my dad was, he was fiercely protective of me.

Fiercely. Like, my cousin did something to me when I was a little kid. My dad picked my cousin up by his hair. I'll never forget it. My cousin was like 12 or 13, and I was probably like 5. He picked cousin up by his hair. I'll never forget it. My cousin was like 12 or 13 and I was probably like 5. He picked him up by his hair and beat the shit out of him. But picked him in the air. I'll never forget the screaming that kid was making while he was getting lifted into the air by his hair. but it didn't get turned on me yet. My parents got divorced when I was five. So I never, I didn't, when they split up,

I saw him be violent with my mother. I saw him be violent with a lot of other people. I saw him be violent with my cousin, like when I told you he pulled his hair, but he never did anything to me. So I missed that part. I didn't get beat up. So because I didn't get beat up,

my mom was a very, very sweet person. She was never violent in any way, shape, or form even yelled she barely raised her voice my mother was a very very kind person and still is so I missed that that part but I got to see it's work in a lot of friends you know you get to know that's one of the things that's really weird about growing up

is you're growing up and you realize how many people come from fucked up families how many people's families are fucked up and you realize how many people come from fucked up families how many people's families are fucked up and it's like almost everybody almost everybody i knew had something going on either the dad was an alcoholic they were trying to figure out how to not get him to drive or the you know the the mother fucking has a gambling problem and disappears at night and doesn't come home until the morning or there was always fucking something there's always something it's amazing our society works as well as it does it's amazing we're as

together as we really are if you really stop and think about what a shit job people did in raising human beings did you see that that news uh thing with kat williams in it uh talking about how he's quitting stand-up comedy and he's crying and stuff. It was like a news report. Really? Yeah, check this out. He talked about quitting stand-up comedy and crying. This is after all this shit?

Yeah, this is December 4th, I think. New tonight, stand-up comic Cat Williams has had a controversial visit to Seattle the past few days, and tonight he's telling us his side of the story. Como 4 caught up with Williams as he was ejected from a South Lake Union hotel around 7 p.m. On Sunday, Williams was arrested after an altercation at a nearby restaurant. Police say he argued with customers and threatened the manager with a pool cue.

Williams is accused of then throwing a lit cigarette into a family's car, which hit a woman in the face, throwing a rock at that car and struggling with police officers a group of fans claims Williams assaulted them after his performance Friday night tonight Williams admitted to us he has had trouble with the law here in Seattle this weekend he made a string of allegations against police and the media then he told us because of his bad weekend in Seattle he's decided to end his stand-up career I'm just gonna go ahead and announce my retirement from stand-up I'm kind of done this is yeah I've already discussed it with my kids I wasn't really gonna do

it on the Seattle Street I was gonna go to Los Angeles and do it in offices I see him or Live Nation Williams has proven to be unpredictable, so we're going to watch and see how this all plays out. Wow. Did you see that he looked like that recently? Wow. You didn't see that one, did you? No.

So that's something there. I love the guy. He's a guy I love. We all fucking dug the first special, cracked me up. I knew him when he fucking was cat in a hat. He'd come to the store on Sunday nights bro let me get a spot up in this motherfucker you know and I try to put him up there and argue with Mitzi the whole fucking deal so to see this you gotta what what what is that that's drugs now

somebody wrote a book about I'm pretty sure that's a book about him saying what happened the allegations I don't know I've never seen him smoke crack I've never you know that that seems like that seems like a drug issue. Or it's either a drug issue or it's a mental health issue. But there's something, there was something disconnected there, right?

Yeah, I mean, if it's a mental health issue and he does drugs of any kind, it could set him off into like a weird spiral. That's... Powerful Dr. Redband. Yeah.

Next after Oprah. Fuck Dr. Oz. Dr. Redband can read off cue cards too, you fuck. That's amazing. Our society, instead of the after school special, it's Dr. fucking Oz. Or it's Maury Povich. You are not the father. That is fucked up because sometimes I watch KTLA in the morning to see where there's traffic

and when I get home the TV's still on and it's one of those shows and I'll make a sandwich listening to like, you know, so this guy took a test. He is not the father.

And the guy will do this pre-planned out dance. Oh my God. Like, those dudes break dance. I told you, bitch. Yeah. I told you I came on your titties.

Those shows are so fucking fake. I know so many people that were like all right we need you to come to the show you're gonna play boyfriend and girlfriend and you're gonna get in a fight there was a dude he used to work at governors in long island and he used to be involved in those shows and what they would do is uh that they they don't tell you to fake it but what they do is they call you up and they say our show is looking for a guy who is having an affair with his brother's wife he goes that's crazy i'm having an affair with my brother's wife he doesn't even have a brother next thing you know he's on camera so whatever

it was that was the game they would call you up and say we're looking for a guy who uh spent his life in an asian gang but he's a white guy you know i spent my life in an Asian gang, but he's a white guy. I spent my life in an Asian gang, and I was a white guy. And they'll just make up nonsense. Like, a lot of those shows, it's 100% nonsense. It's just entertainment. But you know what's crazy, going back to that family thing you said,

like, in my house, I grew up in a fucked up house, but there was a lot of love, and a lot of love came from my mom. Even my stepdad was a good guy to an extreme. Then I meet people who have no reason to be fucked up like the people i meet are like cunning like people with two faces right backstabbing yeah because people come from perfect households they're spoiled who you think the parents did the work but really didn't and they're like cunning and they're two-faced and they do shit to people and they think they're cute.

I would always figure out these people have no reason to be cocksuckers like me. Like that's how I would look at myself. I came from a fucked up house so I understand. I give myself a breather. But this guy had two nice fucking parents. They were both attorneys. This guy's the biggest piece of shit out of all of them. But you know what the difference

is? People that grow up with everything, that have it from the get-go, there's a real issue with self-worth and there's also a real issue with a lack of character because they're spoiled. When you talk about spoiled kids, you want to send them camping, you know, take those spoiled kids and send them out to wilderness camp.

Take those spoiled kids and make them work if they knew what it was. People need to understand what struggle's about. They need to understand what struggle's about they need to understand what labor is about they need to understand what what effort is about when what how you can get over something is difficult and it builds character and if that never happens to you you don't have any character so while you're trying to make something happen for yourself you know you're trying to do it any way you can and the way you've been getting by your whole life is probably bullshitting people, bullshitting your parents. You know,

the people that work for your parents probably listen to you because you're rich and they let you slide and they don't develop the character. They never have an opportunity to actually develop character. So they, they're, that's why it's not, they're not struggling and they're not being sneaky because they're desperado. They're being sneaky because they're weak. And that's just the instinct in man is to try to get out of work. The instinct in man is to try to, did you do it? Yeah, I did it. Even if you didn't.

The instinct is not to man up and go, listen, I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't do it. I fucked off. I went out with my friends. We got drunk and I forgot all about it and I woke up late. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to tell you, but that's what happened you know it's obviously a huge error but what am i going to do now that's nobody wants to do that so you bullshit oh the car totally wouldn't work we

called the police we thought there was a bomb and you know you'll say all kinds of crazy shit to get out of work and especially if you have a weak character that's amazing i never put that like i've been locked up with kids that no we freeze... Like, I've been locked up with kids that had no reason. Did we freeze up or something? Mm-mm. I've been locked up with kids that I've seen their visitation on a Saturday,

and I've said to myself, what did you do, bro? Those are your fucking parents here? What the fuck did you... How can you do this with Cincinnati's family? The whole family would show up. The sister, the brother.

Well, you know about Michael Douglas' son, right? He got beat the fuck up pittsburgh or something they broke his leg and his fingers they broke his femur it's fucking hard to break someone's femur i mean you gotta hold their leg down and stomp on it you know and this guy's fucked up i mean his legs in a plate now his fingers are jacked it's's because he, somehow or another, it was revealed that when he got a shorter sentence, it was because he gave up a bunch of other drugs. Yeah, yeah.

His own lawyer fucked him or someone fucked him. Someone fucked him. He fucked himself, that dude. Yeah. He did something. It's Michael Douglas' son. I mean, Michael Douglas has been famous for a long fucking time. Do you remember when he used to come to the comedy store?

No, that's not the same son. That's not the same son that used to come to the comedy store? No, that's not the same son. That's not the same son that used to come to the comedy store all fucked up at night? No, that's the brother. That's the brother. Somebody from his family used to come up to the store at night. That's Michael Douglas' brother. Now, then this kid went to New York and was dealing in methadone. Look, all those fucking famous father kids like that.

Yeah. They come out all fucked up. And once that. Yeah, it's not good Once they found that that you're not ceiling. They get a kid overdosed But wasn't that what it was accidental, but he had a drug problem, right? No, really say I'm done. Yeah, no, I don't think so That's what they said. Okay. That's what I heard. Let me I should Google that By the way, you got to check out not the father.tumblr.com and it's just all like like these gif animations from that from you're not the father episodes yeah it says possible drug overdose dies from pill overdose yeah yeah. Yeah. You know what?

Yeah, they're saying an overdose, man. Really? Yeah, that's what most of these sites are saying. Yeah. Whatever. I mean, I don't think you have to release it, so they might just be speculating. I don't think Sylvester Stallone would have to release Why His Son Died. That's got to be fucking devastating, man.

That's devastating to you. Well, these guys like, you know, a guy like Stallone, first of all, he's not with the wife anymore, that kid. He hasn't been since. Forever. He hasn't been in forever. And then on top of that, he's probably doing these movies where he's in Thailand for six months and this place for six months. You know, he's doing Rambo and shit and flying all over the place. It must be fucking really hard to also be a father there's a lot of those dudes become drug addicts oh it is true it's a

lot of them right they were telling me that one of those thousand oaks high school the big thing was heroin up there I bet, Oxys. When I was a fucking kid, we smoked, we sold joints at school. Some people sold little hits of fucking microdata acid, you know,

two dollars a piece, but fucking heroin, you gotta go to the city to do that shit. Coke, yeah, not really, not in high school. You know,

it was reefer and little pills and those sheets of paper that were acid, and that's it. Valiums, all that shit, you gotta go over the fucking bridge. You you gotta go to washington square park and something to get the party started in those fucking days i think those thousand oaks kids first of all that's you're like way out in the suburbs too and all it takes is one freak bitch to convert the whole

fucking batch of them all you need to do is have one kid that's uh that's down to do some h you don't do some h bro you know some one puerto rican kid that's like a year older than everybody that's down to do some H. One Puerto Rican kid that's a year older than everybody that's been held back. One? But fucking heroin, bro. He's drinking a bottle of Boone's Farm you stole from your uncle's place or something like that. The strawberry shit that

you puke out and you go, I'll never drink that thing again. The fucking heroin that's smoking out of a straw with a little bit of foil. I never even seen that type of shit. That's disgusting. That's gross.

It's gross and that's some like, that's like some proven stupid shit for decades. It's not like something new. What?

Heroin. It's not like, you know, like nobody's had problems with it yet. It's not like bath salts. You know what I mean? Dude, I'm telling you, man.

Bath salts are amazing. Nothing even happens. Just do it, dude dude don't worry about it some shit i sent stanhope stanhope didn't know about uh that we had mcafee on the podcast and we were uh going over it and i i told him about the the whole bath salts thing he didn't know about that either so then i went back and i said i'll send you some links you got you got to you got to read some of this stuff so i went back and read some of it myself one of the things that mcafee said that he he did like a whole like an interview for like one of these uh radar online or something like that about bath salts about how awesome bath salts are you serious yeah yeah but bath salts are the finest drug ever conceived that's's what he said. Wow.

Yeah, he's now in the United States, right? Yeah. He's in California probably. He confessed that he's a huge fan of MDPV, better known as bath salts, and worked for a year trying to purify psychoactive drugs from compounds commercially available over the internet. This is – apparently he says this is all bullshit now. Yeah, right. But in – Of course. Sir. Okay, this is not he says this is all bullshit now yeah but in of course this sir okay this is not an interview this is all based on um articles online that he uh stuff that he wrote on that uh drug for oh okay all the yeah he's it's it's hilarious i don't care anymore stanhope had no idea though he didn't know that it was that the whole story was just bananas. You know what? I lied.

There was PCP when I was in high school. Oh, yeah. There was what I call THC Crystal, which is really PCP. It was really just watered down fucking PCP. That shit was good, though. That shit was good. I liked it. I tell you about my boxing coach?

Uh-uh. When I was in Boston, my boxing coach got his finger bitten off when he was on PCP somebody bit his finger off and they took his toe off because his finger was gone from the first knuckle their first stub, this part right here was still there, the rest of it was missing

so what they did was they took not his big toe, but the second toe they removed that toe and they created a finger they put the bones back in screwed in place but you couldn't get it to work so he had it permanently curved so that he could be able to throw his right hook so like you know he didn't want to like have a finger like that where he couldn't box anymore because that's the only option the option was you could have it fully straight or you could have it permanently curved.

So he took it permanently curved so he could throw it. I'm going to be able to throw my right hook. What am I going to do without the right hook? That's my shot. I got to fucking lift to the body. I step in with the right hook. That's good night. I'm not taking away good night.

So he kept the finger. I'm not taking away good night. And so I was teaching him Taekwondo when he was teaching me boxing. And he would be shuffling around with that fucking four-toed foot. Three toes and nothing, a big gapper, a big floppy gapper between these toes over here and the big toe. There was just One was missing, and he was just trying to shuffle around and throw that fucking creepy hybrid right hook that was part of a toe. So when you were shaking his hand, you were shaking a little bit of a toe. A little bit of toe was in his hand.

Your hand always smelled like feet. Yeah, always. It was a thicker finger. It was like a fucking mason. In 83, I had this gig running numbers from like 10 to 2 in the afternoon on 118th and 3rd for these Puerto Ricans I had grown up with. I had nothing. I had no

job. I had no direction. So I went to them like a man. I go, I just need a little help. And they would just throw me like a buck 20 a day just to go in and eat their food and tell stories and shit. And they'd tell me walk around the block, go get this. And one day I went over and they're like, nah, we're not doing it here today. We're, go get this. And one day, I went over there, like, nah,

we're not doing it here today. We're doing it up in Brooklyn. If you want to go up there, go up there, but it's a short day because when they switch tracks, the numbers fuck up. So I'm walking

and I'm going to get a bag of Aretha. In those days, Harlem had really good tie stick. And I'm walking to get this bag of Aretha and this chick comes up to me, Jo Rogan,

cute. And I'm not really checking around. She goes, do you want to go and partner this on some, whatever she called it, Jo Rogan, cute, and I'm not really checking her out. She goes, do you want to go partners on some whatever she called it, Jonestown, whatever. And I'm like, yeah, I'll go partners. Some cute girl just comes up to you.

Comes up to me with glasses, black girl, 10.30 in the morning, comes up to me and says, you want to go partners on some Jonestown? Because what you do is they had a bag of dope for $20, which is reefer, and then for like $ bucks. You got a tray That's what they call them trays So she let's go partners on two trays and we'll split it with a spleef or whatever the fuck you said Wow So basically you take the reefer you put in a paper Then you take the tray and you sprinkle the dust in the joint you roll it and you bang it on we start smoking this

Mother and in the middle of this she tells me that she's pregnant Why this bitch is by then she shows me that she's pregnant. What? This bitch is... And then she shows me her little belly. She's like, yeah, but I'm hooked on these trays and shit. Oh, my God. I didn't fuck her or nothing. Like, I don't remember what. But I remember we hung out, like, from 12 to, like, 9 o'clock that night just talking shit.

I remember taking the bus going, God damn. Wow. I just smoked fucking Jonestown with a pregnant fucking black chick. That's when they would give the names of that shit, whatever tragedy had just happened. Wow. I just smoked fucking Jonestown with a pregnant fucking black chick. That's when they would give the names of that shit, whatever tragedy had just happened. Wow. Like, remember, what was the black basketball player from the Celtics? It was a rookie. He did coke and he died.

Glenn Bias. Glenn Bias. I remember, like, the next day, you go over to Harlem, go, go, who's got the blood? I got the shit that killed Bias, motherfucker. They always did that. That was always it. Do you remember when weed was always government weed it was always the government i got the government weed the shit that was like what was it called like m13 or yeah the dudes had like a name for yeah this is mg17 man there's only

10 people in the country and i have to get this they get they get this from the government yeah the government weed was like the best weed for the longest time like if you got a hold of some government weed that was like some serious shit isn't that hilarious that's how far weed has come you know there's a lot of goddamn weed snobs out there and you they they need to relax let it go you know what else people that want to tell them yeah you never had our weed shut please shut the fuck up just please please there is no stronger weed anywhere now it's a pretty pretty much a saturation the shit that we got in austin remember that shit we got in austin texas oh my jesus oh my jesus you know the strong shit i've got all year from seattle seattle when they made it legal they just took

shit to the the voodoodoo Chicken and Moot You know hooked me up when I was there They gave me this joint That was like a fucking direct Remember those old school operators You know they would pick up the phone Operator that was right to God Just went right to him

Just smoked that weed And before I went on stage I remember sitting in the back room Just feeling so vulnerable And so but so alive and in tune to everything. And me and Sam Tripoli, Sam Tripoli was baked out of his fucking mind. I mean, it was dangerous. Like, wow, this might be too high to talk.

This might be too high to talk. I'm going to tell you something. Seattle, Oregon, and Colorado have always had that strong. And if you look at fucking Oregon, it runs through Northern California, the whole Reno area there. Oh, yeah. But you got that rain that affects people, affects all that weed. Oh, yeah. Because that's outdoor weed.

Yeah. Now you add some altitude to that, which there is some. It's a little altitude, 2,000 feet up in Mount Rainier, whatever the fuck those mountains are. I'm no geology major. Whatever the fuck it is. Colorado, same thing. Yeah. The higher that weed got, the higher you got up into that fucking mountain, that weed just got fucking stronger.

Really? Yeah, dog. In the wintertime and all that, there's something to that weed. I smoked some deadly fucking weed in Colorado 20 years ago. I don't care what the fuck anybody tells me. Forget 28%. This shit was off the fucking charts, the shit they're growing now. The shit they're growing out here now,

in a year, we're going to have 45% weed. Just clean shit that you smoke and you're done. Done. Do you think that there's going to be any repercussions to these states making it legal? Obama said right now that they're not going to go on it after people, but that doesn't mean anything.

Because they said they were only going to go after people that violated both state and federal law when it came to marijuana. But I don't think that was necessarily the case. I think the DEA just went after people that their operation was too big. I think that was a lot of it. I think that. What do you think they're going to do here? Between you and I, what does the federal government do? They shut shit down.

Yeah. So eventually one morning we're going to wake we're gonna turn the news on there's gonna be a bunch of fucking people on the street and they're gonna raid you know they're gonna take all the resources of one day and raid 20 fucking stores and lock up and confiscate hit the big ones and hit them where it hurts in the fucking pocket i think they're gonna cut out funding or something to the states i think something's gonna go down I think they're just going to fuck the state up where the state's going to be like, I don't think the state needs funding. The government is not going to have egg on their face, even though whatever they're doing in Colorado

with the medical marijuana situation is fucking beautiful. I think if Colorado just went full fucking legal marijuana and took that money and taxed it heavily, look, if you're going to allow people to sell weed, why not charge 20% taxes? I think that's really reasonable. Yeah, 20% taxes on everything you sell. Let's just do that. Then that money goes straight to the schools, straight to the cops, straight to the teachers.

I mean, let's be honest. How much markup is on weed as it is right now? Imagine it being legal where everyone can grow it. Weed's going to be like fucking grass. Exactly. No one is going to give a shit. It's going to be like lettuce. Yeah.

You go to a supermarket. You buy a head of lettuce for like three bucks or whatever. You know how long it takes to grow a fucking head of lettuce? It's amazing you can get one for $3. You can get a nutritious piece of vegetable that's a long fucking time to grow and you get it for three bucks. That's what it would be like for weed because when you go up to Santa Barbara and you see those strawberry patches where they just go on,

like Oxnard, they just go on and on and on, that would be weed. It would all be there. Then they'll have to have armed guards because high school kids would be sneaking in and stealing your fucking weed.

It's not going to be like strawberries. They probably wouldn't even care. They're probably going to be like, hey, take whatever you want. We got a lot of it. It's like that scene in Scarface where the guy whips the coke off the ground and fucking licks it. It was just on the floor. You where the guy whips the coke off the ground and fucking licks it.

It was just on the floor. You know what I'm saying? It was just on the fucking floor. People don't understand that you're going to have – if you made legal weed and you're going to – anytime you have people that are smoking weed, you're going to have examples of people that are wasting their lives smoking weed. You're going to have those examples. There's no doubt about it. You're going to have kids that are lazy, that just smoke weed and watch video games, and they used to be good students,

but they're not anymore. But you're also going to have a lot of other people. And this is what pisses me off the most. When you see all these news reports about weed and all these problems that people are having with weed, they don't talk about the positive benefits of it, just psychologically. We all know the difference between people that we hang out with that smoke weed and that don't smoke weed there's a difference and one of the differences is the people that don't smoke weed there's a level of reality that they don't operate in you don't go there with them you don't have conversations with them in that level

you don't there's a there's a place of vulnerability and respect to the great awe of it all that they don't really possess they have like a lens in front of them that they don't ever take out and like raw dog the universe when you get really high it's like you're raw dog in the universe you're getting the whole experience in in one big crazy frightening what you call paranoia is reality you should be fucking paranoid and that that marijuana rush where it really like sets all in and like makes you really take in this experience in that that freaky you know crazy highway if you if you're hanging out with people that don't smoke weed they don't go there they don't understand that talk they don't go there. They don't understand that talk.

They don't get that conversation. You can tell the difference. I can tell. I don't judge people by that. I really like that. I know a lot of cool people that don't smoke weed. I know a lot of great people that don't smoke weed, and I like them for that reason.

I like them for that reason, but I can see where the conversation ends at. Like, I have a friend who has a bad back but doesn't get high, and I've been trying to explain to him, I understand your lung concerns and stuff. There's a fucking tablet now you can take. Now they have no more excuses. If you have a tight back or whatever, they have a hash on now that comes in a tablet.

It looks like a vitamin C tablet that you can travel with on a flight and they won't even fucking ask you. So, and he's like, no, I'm scared, I'm whatever. Okay. Then keep going to the fucking chiropractor for the next year. Give it a try. I know I would if I had a fucking bad back. I'd try anything if I had a fucking bad back at that point. Yeah. Yeah, there's

some people that are in fucking serious pain. And that's, I tell you, man, I've heard a lot of things over the years. Listen, I'm not gonna to, I could sit here and tell you. I got mental illness. I got VD. I got an itch in my ass. I got foot fungus.

I could tell you all this shit. It don't give anxiety, sleep apnea, all this shit don't give it to you. I was smoking weed way before it came up for medical excuses. I was smoking weed. Medical excuses? Yeah, I was smoking weed to get fucked up and see the devil, plain and simple. To see it the way it was every fucking day that's why i smoked weed but now you know now it's because of the medical thing out here and whatever but do i see a difference in people yeah i understand what

you're saying you could talk to them a little deeper you could actually even catch them some people who don't smoke weed you can't catch them on anything or even confront them on anything because they might have a fucking heart attack. People who smoke weed get to a point where you might take them somewhere and they'll giggle at themselves. That's what I'm saying. There's an attitude. Right. Well, the people that can't laugh at themselves are really a pain in the ass to hang out with.

You got to laugh at yourself. Yeah. Anybody who can't laugh at themselves is annoying. Those are the most annoying humans. You can't make fun of your own self at all. You don't think, what are you, perfect? What kind of douchebag are you? What are you, the Messiah?

The motherfucker? You know, one of the funniest things about Jesus, we were talking about people that we know that are going crazy Jesus lately. One of the funniest things about Jesus is that if Jesus actually really did come back, nobody would fucking ever believe him. Not a chance in hell. There's not a chance in hell. If that dude wearing sandals and robes and his beard, just like in the pictures, was walking down the street with holes in his hand and blood coming out of his hand, people would probably fucking arrest him.

They'd either shoot him or arrest him or get him on antidepressants. Well, Jesus can't just show up to a party now and say i'm jesus right well what do you have to do something he's got to do something he's got to do a big they would they would say this is the devil this is the devil trying to pretend he's jesus he's got to set up like gabe rudiger against gsp and for gabe rudiger to take gsp down and fucking break his fucking shoulder that's that you know i'm saying like something to that effect something just fucking that's what jesus did that's that that's that you know i'm saying like something to that effect something just fucking that's what jesus did that's that that's that ridiculous that would be a miracle that would be enough to convince it's like joey d is going down a 185 and one of the fucking olympics

that's funny you know something that wouldn't even work you'd have to fly you have to come back from the dead i mean think about the shit that jesus did he healed the sick didn't he cure blind people didn't was that one of the ones? Yeah. Turned water into wine? No, that was Moses who cut the ocean. He didn't turn water into wine? He did, right? Let me ask you something on the other side. Can you imagine they drug tested comics? We were talking about the...

We were talking about the other day. Let's say you got a really bad comic and he kills three nights in a row like comics would get together. Come here. The guy's on weed. The guy's on fucking something, though. He's on testosterone. We better check him out. Well, we're all on performance-enhancing supplements when it comes to comedy.

Weed and Alpha Brain together, there's no doubt about it. That's a goddamn performance-enhancing supplement. Weed, for me, loosens me. And an edible, to a certain degree. Like, if I eat the edible at a certain time and I'm all wired up, I'll eat death on fucking stage.

Right. But it comes to a point in time in Edible when I just get giggly as fuck and you can't stop me at that point. Yeah, that's like a comfortable level. The scary skiing feeling when you're skiing through the

universe on an Edible. I can't stop. That's not good. When you're stoned and it's dark at the comedy store. That's it right there. When you're stoned and it's dark at the comedy store. That's it right there. When you're stoned and it's fucking dark. When you don't see nobody but the three people in front of you that you're talking to.

Stoned and dark and you think you're speaking in the dark. You're just talking into the darkness and there's laughter but you don't question it because you're fucked up. You know what I'm saying? And that hollow echo feeling in the room that or man you want to talk about like a historic room as far as like comedy rooms that original room was like one of the most historic rooms like ever in the art form of comedy you know there's a

there was a weird feeling always just being on that stage just that was always like a like wow doesn't matter how many years it did stand up when you're on stage in the original room you're like wow this is a my my breath just got taken away because i finally figured out how i can explain the or the people because they'll get it when you go to a gym the older the gym the more you could smell it i don't mean armpit there's a different odor to a gym. It's like when you go to a good jiu-jitsu school, you can smell a little foot. It's not overwhelming, but you can smell just a little foot in the air.

You're like, this is a good fucking gym. It's just that perfect amount of foot. It's not cheese. It's just foot. You know what I'm saying? It's just foot. Well, there's one thing that you do get from places that have a lot of experience, and that's like they have a weird vibe to them, like the Ice House.

Like we were at the Ice House the other day after it was closed. It was dark out, and we're standing in the back. I was like, feel this room, man. This room has got like a crazy vibration. It sounds like total like hippie bullshit. That sounds like nonsense. Like objects do not have memory. That what cara santa maria would tell you there's no evidence that objects have memory but there's a feel that places have whether that's a self-imposed feel you've maybe created

it in your own imagination but when i stand in the back room of the ice house i stand there i just i go wow this is a crazy ass room like steve martin motherfucking performed here you know what i mean i mean i used to i watched george lopez kill there in the 90s kill when george lopez was on fire like the late 90s before george lopez had any tv shows maybe he had like a few things going on when he was just hitting it hard in the clubs every night i watched him destroy in that ice house the he's got this like a sign up there when george lopez was at his prime there where he sold out like fucking 15 shows in a row there or something crazy like that you know and i that place has seen some shit no but it's nothing like walking

up the stairs at the original room. Nothing like making that left up those stairs when you're walking straight and somebody goes, where? There. Right or wrong? You know what I'm talking about?

Can you feel it, motherfuckers? Yeah. When you first go in there, you're like, which way? Okay. Move that curtain aside. And you walk up

those fucking stairs and just that odor, it smells like a little bit of booze, a little bit like pussy, a little bit of sweat, bad comedy, good comedy, but it smells like a little bit of booze a little bit like pussy a little bit of sweat bad comedy good comedy but it smells like um it just smells like success it just smells like something something is in the air that you got to do your thing in there you really got to do your thing

in there and then when you sit in the back and you feel the lights would go off and on and you'd hear that yeah the lights and you know it's just a weird little comedy thing you ever get to do you hosted open mics there right I read that was my job yeah I hosted the open mic but I was the 10 o'clock guy you know what's cool about that when the lights were on with all the different people's names please yeah you know you get to see Sam Kinison and neon that was one of my biggest scams of all time, hosting at the Comedy Store. Why was it a scam? Because I had a perfect deal.

I would fucking go up there, get $25 to host. I would do $20, $15 up front. I would either call Rogan or Dyson and tell them to come down because I was hosting and I put you up first. You guys went up there an hour and I'd go home. And Don Barris would close the show. And that's the way it was. I would go up there and do a set, bring up a fucking star. You know what the problem was, though?

When we were there all the time, we were doing Comedy Store comedy. And then when we would go somewhere else, we would bring Comedy Store comedy to them, too, and there was a lot of places that could not handle it. You remember when you got fucking kicked out of Dublin's This is like Fucking 97 or something like that We go and do a set at Dublin's

And all of a sudden I hear Yelling and whatnot Joey has got some chick in an ice house Like a freezer Like a giant in room freezer And he's eating coke off her pussy. And security comes in and tells him he's got to stop. There's a camera in the fucking liquor.

There's a camera in there, and they were watching it. That place is closed now, right? Yeah, it's closed. And I put the coke in my sock, and the cops came, and I'm standing in front of the fucking thing with the chick crying with her girlfriend. I've never had that happen before. And the guy with the long hair,

remember that he stopped you that night? This guy almost died and all this shit. Because he was there with them. I see the girl in the hallway and I'm like, let's go downstairs. And all of a sudden she's got a blow. Alonzo Bowden's talking to her. Yeah, didn't he say something stupid like, I almost fucking killed him? Yeah, get the fuck out of here.

But the best is I'm sitting there fucking, I got the eight ball in my sock because I'm not giving that motherfucker up until the cops get there. Fuck you. I'm old school. If the cops want to kill, nothing happened. Where's the rest of the drugs? They're downstairs.

Let me search you. You can't search me. You can't fucking search me. You have no reason. It's his word against mine. Where's the tape? You know, I would have held on to that coke, but the savior that night was Ralphie May. He went to the all-you-could-eat at the Japanese fucking place across the street. What's the name of the Japanese place? Miyagi's. Miyagi, is that place there anymore? No. One

of those fucking places. It's a pink taco now. Oh, right. Is it a pink taco now? Yeah, it's a pink taco now. Is it a taco place now? It's a pink taco. That place from Vegas? Do you know the pink tacos, that place in the Hard Rock in Vegas? Good place. They opened a taco spot there now with a Japanese sushi place? Yeah.

Yeah. And it's a hot place too. Like it's where all the celebrities go to eat the $20 tacos. So what happened to the taco place up the corner? That's still there.

The little one on the corner. It's like $92 to get two tacos in there. Yeah. Not bad tacos though. Yeah, there was a lot of good tacos. Benito's is the best. Is Benito's good? You like Benito's? Benito's is fantastic dollars to get two tacos in there yeah not bad tacos though yeah there was a lot of benitos is the best is benito's good you like benito's benito's is fantastic and it's 24 hours is that

on beverly is that what that is yeah we used to always go there after the improv that place is sensational that is legit what do you get mexican connie asada my friend oh with extra hot sauce don't play games oh shit that carne asada with all the real fresh chopped cilantro and onions in that motherfucker and they have pickled jalapenos there. Take your chances with those bitches. Yeah, and then throw some hot sauce on that fucker.

Boogily boogily and shit. And by the way, it's packed with drunks. Packed with drunks. You'll always find somebody you know there. There's always somebody you know there. Or a victim. After a comedy show. Or a victim. Or a victim. You like tacos? I'm going to go over to my house.

Can we come too? Yeah, let me make a left on the fucking corner. Get the fuck out of here. You guys don't do coke, do you? Oh my God. I mean, I don't. I don't do it either, but I just asked. I mean, I don't do it.

I will. I mean, if you have it, I will. But the last place I went to, they had a bunch of cocaine. I didn't like it. Sure, you looked. I don't even remember what happened, but I got VD, and I didn't even know it until I gave it to Joey Diaz. No, I got chlamydia, Sure, you looked good. I don't even remember what happened, but I got VD. And I didn't even know it until I gave it to Joey Diaz. No, I got chlamydia, bitch.

Big fucking difference. And I never seen the leakage out of my helmet. I seen it out of her fucking pussy. That's where I seen it. How did you know you had it then? Because I had itches. I had a fucking burning sensation in the tube. You had a burning temptation in the fucking tube.

This should be something like that they sell you. Have you made a critical error with your penis this should be like something you could just slap on it kills 99.999 percent of it shoot it in the tube shoot it right in the hole right in the piss hole and then wipe it on the outside and it kills almost everything well the foot spray says it kills 99 all viruses and so what i did i mean i mean foot spray you i mean what i was going to do is like spray uh it on my dick and then i was in the bathroom doing it and i looked over at the mouth wash and it's a 98 on it also or 99 i'm like it can't be the same percent you know like that one

thing it has to be different what's the odds but i think that one person's like aids or something i think it's probably just alcohol right is that what's killing everything yeah so i think that one person's like aids or something i think it's probably just alcohol right is that what's killing everything yeah so i think that number is the same whether it's the mouthwash spray the same though as alcohol as the i don't know i don't know what kind of foot spray freezes your dick so you could do it from a distance don't do it really close up because it comes out like freezing like it's like it could freeze something have you ever like um seen that stuff that you use to clean off the spray that you use to clean off keyboards? Yeah, same thing. Now it gets really, really cold. That's the same thing.

I read somewhere that someone was addicted to that spray. I used to do it in high school, but I wasn't addicted to it. That's the worst. What the fuck does it do? It's just like nitrous oxide like everyone did in nitrous. Whippets. Yeah, whippets. It's like that, but it's like a sh What the fuck does it do? It's just like, you know, nitrous oxide, like everyone did nitrous. Whippets. Yeah, whippets. It's like that, but it's like a shittier version of it.

And it just kind of makes you go wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. I worked at a Newport Creamery, which is an ice cream place in Newton, Massachusetts. And I never, I think I did whippets once, but it didn't really work with me. But the people that worked there, there was this one kid. I'll just say his last name because he knows people that I know now his name is Charles I don't know if he wants this information released but Charles was working there as I was working there

and he would tell somebody watch the grill real quick and he would run in the back and he was cooking while I was doing dishes and he would run in the back and grab the thing do a whip it and then run back out to the grill the best twisted out of his head the best is what they call nitrous hits what you do is you take a balloon and you fill the balloon up with uh nitrous bong hits you fill the you fill the balloon up

and then you put it uh on the bong somehow i can't remember how to do it so when you inhale the bong it's all nitrous air so you're getting pot air mixed with nitrous air when you hit it. See, that's something only white people would come up with. And then snow bong hits where you pack your bong full of snow in the wintertime. You suck it through the snow. I've seen that. I've done it a thousand times. Ice.

I've done ice. In Colorado, I love it. I love it. I would get the fresh snow and pack in the bong and smoke. I love all that. But now if I have a bong, I put ice in it too. Well, we used to smoke bongs before we did the podcast. So the problem is you get too stony.

You don't know what you're talking about. It's like to do – if you're going to do bong hits and then do a podcast, you've got to take an hour or two before you talk because you're not going to really have your fucking sea legs under you, as Dennis McKenna would say. Is that joint still rocking, by the way? Yeah, it's right over here. You can't, you know...

Bongs are too strong. Vaporizers, don't you find... Don't you find vaporizers to be a different experience? It doesn't seem to be the same experience as just smoking it. I want to get one of those vape pens. I have them at the house.

This guy had one last night that was chocolate mint chocolate i'm like all right these vape pens aren't the best whatever i don't care i took two hits off that and it tasted so delicious tastes like ice cream and i was so fucking stoned off that thing it was everyone has them now in la everyone has like these pens that look like little that's the bigger thing right somebody's on an event one that's gonna fuck people up you know that's the bottom line somebody's really gonna like the eureka gets me high but like at night I don't get high at night I won't get high and I gotta switch up the tubes a lot like right now I got a sativa and I have something else. I got a pretty good fucking sativa. Let me ask you this, Joe Diaz.

If you were going to do anything with this room, what would you suggest being done here with this new studio? Well, outside you got to have a mat out there. A mat for jiu-jitsu? Yes. Absolutely. Put a pool table out there. Your office is in there.

Right. That's your office. You know, what's with the waiting room? For jiu-jitsu? Yes. Oh, no. Absolutely. Put the pool table up there. Your office is in there. Right. That's your office. You know, what's with the waiting room? You ain't a dentist. In case people come by and there's extra room. There ain't no fucking extra, no extra people. We had a couple people here the other day. Dennis brought a posse with him.

Russell Peters comes here? You're going to need that just for him? Yeah. Really? Just for his ego. Oh! How much more can you put the pool table? Just kidding, Russell.

I know I love you. I would definitely have him mad up here, though. A lot of people were mad at Russell Peters because of that Mixmaster Mike interview. I thought he added a lot to it. He added a lot of DJ knowledge, you know, told us a lot of shit about needles. Why are people such haters? I talked to him about it a couple days ago. What did he say?

He was bummed about it because, know you know twitter is so harsh you know what it is it's just a bunch of mean cunts yeah i mean most people like why not just listen to it and just take it in it was a goddamn three hour conversation mike told a lot of shit about working with the beastie boys right told a lot of shit about dj and being in front of he said he was in front of 400 000 fucking people 400 000 people in germany by the way his cd's out now his free cd's out where do you get it uh i think it's mixmastermike.com mixmastermike.com i believe the eyes are all ones i think it's one of those he's he's a he's leet you remember that back in the uh the video game days he'd be leet on his twitter yeah i think it's one but his website's mixmaster

mike.com using the regular spelling and it's a free cd and it's really think it's one. But his website's mixmastermike.com using the regular spelling. And it's a free CD, and it's really good. It's a remix CD. And he's cool as fuck. Yeah, he is cool. It was awesome having him on the podcast, even if Russell Peters did fuck up the interview. Russell, you didn't. You didn't.

Russell's a sweetie. I don't know how anybody could not like Russell. You're bipolar today. No, I'm just playing. I'm just jokes. Russell Polar. Russell fucking Peters is a nice kid. He're bipolar today. No, I'm just playing. I'm just jokes. Russell Pola. Russell fucking Pete is a nice kid. He's a great gentleman.

He's a great guy. He takes good care of a lot of good friends. He does. He takes good care. You know what I like? I like when a guy hits big like he does and becomes more generous. That's how he is. You know something he did I didn't know about?

I found out the other day. When Sam – there was an HBO special. And they originally wanted to have Sam on the HBO special or the Comedy Central special. But then at the last second, they're like, all right, we're not going to – we don't have enough money for you, Sam, to pay for you and to film it and all that stuff. So we're not going to have you on the special. So Russell paid out of his own pocket, like paid for them to film it and put that stuff so we're not going to have you on the on the special so russell paid out of his own pocket like paid for them to film it and put it on the special and that really like pumped up sam triply like five years ago or so that totally sounds like something he would do yeah he's he's a perfect example of a guy who's got a lot of great things that are happening for

him like if you see russell was showing me pictures of his on his phone he's doing like 15 000 seat arenas. And he's doing them on a regular basis. And he's a perfect example of a guy who's just a fucking sweetheart of a guy. And people go to see him. They have a great experience. And they tell more people about him. And then they come and see him more.

And then he's got swarms of people. And it all happened, by the way, because they liked his stuff. This didn't happen because he was on some fucking crazy sitcom. It didn't happen because he was in a great movie. It happened because he had YouTube clips. People saw the YouTube clips and said, this guy is awesome. And then it all grew from there. He has one of the – Russell Peters has one of the best internet success stories ever.

He really does. As far as like us, as far as like comics that have gone from just putting out a video and then making it huge in big places, Russell's the fucking man. And he's a sweetheart. I've hung out with that guy

in Vegas so many times. He gave me this fucking watch. Gave it to me. See this watch? This is like a really nice watch. It's a Breitling. And all I did is I said, we were at a bar.

You were there. I go, hey man. It's like a $10,000 watch, right? Or something crazy like that? I don't know what it costs, but it's a Breitling and all I did is I said we were at a bar you were there it's like a ten thousand dollar watch right or something crazy I don't know what it costs but it's it's traded watches and he threw your watch away the next day because it smelled my watch I would wear it at the gym sorry it said a leather band on it I've been lifting weights with that watch you should have kept it that smell would have attracted like powerful females yeah he um i looked at his watch and i go that's a cool watch man just like that i just go that's a cool watch and he goes here it's yours and i go get the fuck out of here man he's like take it take it take it grabs my hand sticks it over my hand it's ridiculous or buck angel it would uh attract buck angel

my watch would attract buck angel how much you want for the watch that's the last piece to my puzzle if i put that watch on i'll be fucking manly i wonder if like girls who become boys still stink like dudes do you know because dudes put out a certain fucking stinky dudes put out like a certain odor that you don't get from stinky chicks you know like when you're in the line at the airport when you're going through security so you're forced to be like really close to people and you get a whiff of a motherfucker it's very rarely a girl it's almost always a dude there's always a dude like whoa this motherfucker stinks that like heavy rotten underarm smell apparently i found the answer to our question earlier about underarms.

And what it was, women started shaving their legs in, it was like the 1940s. Or like 1915, rather. There was a campaign for women to shave their underarm hair. Because before

1915, women didn't shave their underarm hair. They 1915 women didn't shave their underarm hair they all went straight madonna and there was a sustained they were brow beaten into this in 1915 apparently i would like to um i would like to find out what the uh what the campaigns looked like but it was in harper's bazaar a magazine aimed at the upper crust. The first ad featured a waist-up photograph of a young woman who appears to be dressed in a slip with a toga-like outfit covering one shoulder. Her arms are arched over her head, revealing perfectly clear armpits. The first part of the ad read, Summer dress and modern dancing combined to make necessary the removal of objectionable hair. So that's what it is.

They just showed some women some unrealistic vision, much like we have seen in our lifetime with pussy, like we were talking about earlier. When I was a kid, a girl would pull her pants down, and you got what you got. You got welcome to the jungle. You got fucking craziness. We didn't do anything with our pubes.

They didn't do anything with theirs. And if a girl did shave her pussy, oh my God, it was like chaos. I had a girl that broke up with her boyfriend, okay? And then we got back together again and we couldn't have sex. She goes, we can't have sex. I go, why? She goes, we can't. I go, why?

What's wrong? She goes, I shaved myself down there for him. She was embarrassed that her pussy hair hadn't grown back yet wow so i was like it's all right what happened it's not it's no big deal you just don't have any pussy hair come on what i don't know that you had sex with this guy settle the fuck down i can do two i can do the math i'm just ashamed she was ashamed she was ashamed that she shaved off her pussy hair for this guy Isn't that hilarious? She couldn't just say, yeah, it's my new thing

You know, fuck pussy hair No, it was dirty, it was dirty for her Like she had done a dirty, dirty thing She shaved her pussy You know what I did for him? I shaved my pussy No you didn't, shut up Let me see

They would pull their underwear down And then that girl would go immediately and tell all of her friends. That dirty bitch is shaving her pussy. Shut the fuck up. Give me a cigarette. I need a cigarette right now. I can't believe this. Oh my God, that whore. That whore is shaving her pussy.

All these chicks in Boston would sit around smoking cigarettes, talk shit about if you shaved your pussy. They found out. Fucking whore. Why don't you just put a sign and say, come fuck me? Huh? Huh?

Anti-arm hair ads began appearing in middle-brow McCalls in 1917. Women's razors and depilatories? What's depilatory? I guess that like pulls it out from the roots, right?

Those are those horrible ones. You ever seen those things? They look like fucking springs and they just wrap around your armpit hair and yank them out of the roots. Yeah, fuck that. Whoa, that's gay. That's very gay. That's very gay. That's uncomfortable.

That's uncomfortably gay. This time I'm about to do this too lean. So Instagram, the president of Instagram. Please tell me this. So originally what happened is Instagram supposedly had these new rules out saying, and in the rules it was deciphered that Instagram can sell your photos to a third party. So say like you're an advertising company that's like, hey, I want to buy some photos of girls kissing balloons. And then so that you could go in there and just they could just buy your photos and and make money

off your photos meaning they can turn a profit on your so you might be able to go to like a store one day to buy mountain dew and there's a picture of you laughing with a mountain yes in your hand exactly you put on your instagram exactly but. But Instagram, just like within the last couple hours, the co-owner or president or something like that said that this is not the case. This is just – people are taking this wrong. We are not selling the photos. You own the photos, blah, blah, blah. But that seems kind of weird. Like how – why is it written down that way?

So unless they take a a uh you know they change the terms uh there's still some question there and i guess there's been more developing about it so it should be we'll figure it out soon but you have till january 16th where this new term kicks in so if you delete your account supposedly and all your photos by that time then that they won't have the photos it's probably some mad backlash. That's what that probably was. Yeah, it looks like it. They got caught pretty much.

But Instagram is now owned by Facebook, and Facebook also is going through the same kind of shit right now with this whole, like, do they own your property? Can they, you know? Well, I think it's really important. I mean, if there's anything that any, like, function that groups like Anonymous serve, you know, that it's really important, it's not just, like function that groups like anonymous serve you know that are it's really important it's not just like political and governmental stuff but shit like this to keep

companies on their toes right like hackers like just the threat of someone realizing that there's an imbalance and wanting to correct it you know that these really intelligent kids that are like they're in russia and shit from all sorts of places where you can't get them through a hundred proxies they will come down on you man they will come fuck you and you know i think instagram probably recognized that i hope that's not what it was i hope that they really was a misunderstanding in the first place you never want to hear that a company's thinking about selling all your fucking pictures well you also have to think that a lot of times that this happens all the time you sign up for a website you know and you upload something to their computers they actually do pretty much own that you know it's if you look at it as basic as if uh you have your

own website and and it's a computer you know hooked up at your house and you have your website on that computer and then somebody's putting files on your computer that's like you know a real basic version of you know what a facebook is it's a they own all these computers you're putting your information and your stuff and you're putting it on their computer they do pretty much own it if they went out of business tomorrow and just turned off the lights they could take all those computers and look at all your pictures and own you all they own your pictures right but i think the real issue in this country is if you try to sell it. Yeah, but it's the idea that you also don't really think like, shit, every single text that I do back and forth between people on Facebook

or any photo that I have hidden in my inbox or anything that I have private that no one can see except me, all that can be seen by somebody and somebody can own that and take that. So if you ever say or do anything, they pretty much get to do whatever the fuck they want with it except sell it, I guess is the big thing. Yeah, I think the big thing, though, is to sell it, especially using it for advertising.

So as long as they're not going to do that, they will escape the wrath of the fucking Legion. Yeah, but what if it's something like how this guy is talking today about like you know we are not going to sell your stuff you know you know what if he's just also saying that is that you know like a backlash thing but in a way of like yeah we're not going to sell it we're going to get money to to sponsor a company and then we're just going to give them your photos you know or something you know what i mean like they're they're doing some kind of back snag away where they're getting paid for it, but just not directly.

I guess that's possible. But I think you also have to think of like, okay, what is this service worth and why am I getting it for free? What am I giving them? I'm giving them a bunch of users. Well, a bunch of users ain't worth shit unless you can get something out of it. So what is it worth? Is it worth that they put a little ad in the corner of your picture when people go to look at it?

I mean, where's the line that you draw? Because we're basically getting this free service where we get to upload these photos. And one of the things that you and I know about from doing this podcast is that bandwidth costs a lot of fucking money. If you're a company like Instagram, they must be dealing in insane gigabytes to run their servers. That's why I don't understand how Instagram even became big. I know it's the filter thing. Everyone wants to see the filters, and filters are so big right now. That's what it is.

It's girls pretending to look different than they look. But then you have superior companies like Flickr, who I've been using for a long time uh where you pay a little bit i think it's like 40 bucks a year but you own everything you don't have to worry about this instagram shit like that and you know when it comes to filters half the apps that you have on your phone just make filters and you just send it to flickr you know the thing about instagram though is it became um a phone thing whereas flickr was like a computer thing. Instagram became a way for people to communicate, like Twitter style. Twitter style. With a picture.

Right. But I don't know why it became an entity on its own. Like, why didn't they just use TwitPic? Yeah, I don't get that. Or any of the built-in Twitter. It's because of the filters, I think. It's just the app. Yeah, those tricky bitches.

They want to look like magenta, huge. They want to look like they're living in a dream. And there's only, like, what, eight different filters? And you get like an app. There's one called 100 Cameras, you know, where it has 100 different app filters, you know? And it's like 99 cents. And it just sends it to your Twitter, your TwitPic, or whatever. Yeah, there's a bunch of them like that, right, that like connect with it.

It's probably better than Instagram. But I've got like 50,000 fucking people on my Instagram. That's the problem. At this point in time, how many of those are not on my Twitter? I can't abandon them. Yeah, unless everybody abandons it because of this new policy shit. I mean, if it stays how it originally was, where they do get to do whatever the fuck they want to and they will,

I probably will delete my account. Because I only went on Instagram because everyone told me to, and it's like, oh, it's so popular. And I'm like, yeah, I don't get it. I can use TwitPic. Remember Everlast told me I have to use it? Yeah. It came in and said that people have been mad

that you don't use your Instagram. I was like, really? What's wrong with you? I got a tweet a day almost about it. Yeah, but you know what's going on now? For whatever fucking reason, even though I've updated it, my iPhone does not want to connect with the fucking instagram my iphone is not interested in sending pictures through instagram really he's fucking smart he knew this whole fucking thing was gonna happen you can't blend your fucking iphone he's doing good i got a new iphone and it's like fuck

you bitch yeah fuck all every time i try to send pictures through iphone i was trying to send instagram photo because i took a photo of Brad Pitt with Chanel number five. Brad Pitt's got a fucking men's cologne commercial. Is it that good? I don't know. But I was trying to put on Twitter or on Instagram that if you buy this stinky shit, I hope nobody fucks you for the rest of your life. I was trying to put that out, which I thought would be nice and witty on my way home from the airport. You're anti-Cologne all the way.

It's fucking gross, man. I do one little spray of Timberlake before I leave every day. That's confusing as my animal knows. I don't trust guys if they have cologne on. Do you know that? If I smell cologne on a guy, I... Yeah, but I put it mildly. It gives a good smell.

Timberlake the fucking singer? Yeah, you probably can't even smell it. I don't want to smell nobody. Trust me, I'll fucking fart right on your leg. Don't come over here, you fuck. I don't want to smell no cuck. Whatever you're stinking of, he's not. Come on, don't do that to him. Don't do it, Joey. Don't do it.

Don't let him. Don't let him. Go away, cocksucker. Go away, cocksucker. Go away, cocksucker. Go away, cocksucker. Is that Mitzi Shore? Smell my chest. Go away, cocksucker. I'll stab you with this coffee pick.

Was that Mitzi? Who are you doing there? Go away, cocksucker. That's Joey Diaz and Mitzi Shore. I'll tweet you guys this picture later after the show. One of the problems it might be, when was the last time you reset your phone? I did it. I did it twice.

Oh, really? Yeah, I did everything. I disconnected. I deleted Twitter. I deleted Instagram. I reinstalled both of them. It won't work. Have you put in your password lately on Instagram?

Maybe you have a wrong password. No, no. It's all right. Everything's right. It just won't reach the server. It logs on Instagram, won't reach the server. Some wacky bullshit. Are you on the Verizon network?

You know what it is? It understands that I like my Samsung Galaxy S3 a little bit better. My Samsung Galaxy S3 from Ting Mobile. I like it a little better. Do you really? I like this wacky fucking phone. How about that? Huh?

That's crazy talk. It's not crazy talk. You don't like your iPhone, Doug? I like the Samsung Galaxy S3 better. I think that fucking big screen. But how does that camera compare to that iPhone? Badass. Badass.

Oh, you like the Samsung better? They're both awesome. The Samsung Galaxy S3 is a sick camera. I saw Redman's fucking iPhone camera. You should see the S3. That's a Showtime special. You know what else it does? You know what else the S3 does?

I can take a burst of photos. You could jump up in the air, and I'll take a burst of photos. It'll up and down. It takes like a shitload. And this is on the Verizon network, correct? I think you can get it on Verizon. I know you can get it on Sprint. We have it on Ting, which is on Sprint.

And I know you can get it on AT&T, too. It's fucking wicked. Those big screens are wicked. And like everything else, it does it. It's good enough. How much shit do you need? How many apps do you need? God damn it.

Except Bladeslinger from Garrison Games coming out in January on the Android application. I listened to some Pablo Francisco the other day. What are you doing with this Brad Pitt commercial? You really playing a Brad Pitt commercial, you fuck? It's not a journey. Every journey ends, but we go on. I'd let him fuck me.

The world turns and we turn with it. What? You're too deep. You're too deep. Plans disappear. Put it in my mouth. Dreams take over. Oh.

But wherever I go, there you are. I bet his kiss is salty. My luck, My fate. My fortune. Chanel No. 5. Whoa, no you didn't, Brad. Brad. Inevitable. God.

Brad, Brad, Brad. Damn! There's not enough money in the world for that, Brad. Who's your fucking agent? You could have cut it off before you said Chanel No. 5. You would have been okay. You would have been okay as long as you didn't mention the name. Then why give that whole preamble?

Why give me the fucking ear beating if he's not going to say Chanel No. 5? The ear beating comes with Chanel No. 5. No, no, no. He has to end it and let someone else, like Morgan Freeman, say Chanel No. 5. Someone else says the Chanel No. 5. Someone unrelated to that really corny fucking speech. It's not a walk. Every walk ends, but we go on. The stick flies and we chase

after it. Training disappears. Instincts take over. Do not change this channel. But wherever I fetch, there you are. My wag, my treat, my belly rub. My wag. My treat. My belly rub. Can-L number five. That's a joke, ladies and gentlemen. Adorable.

That was a joke one. Meanwhile, by the way, less pretentious. Jesus fucking Christ. Less pretentious than the Brad Pitt one. Yeah, right. It was, wasn't it? Yeah. Wasn't it less pretentious? I would rivalize.

Let's go back to the Brad Pitt one and let's examine this because this is one of the most preposterous commercials I've seen since the baby Just For Men commercial where the baby drives a Porsche. Every journey ends, but we go on. The world turns and we turn with it. Plans disappear. Dreams take over. But wherever I go, there you are.

My luck. My fate. My fortune. Chanel No. 5. Damn. I guess there's more of them. We gotta find more of them because I'll never listen to a word that

motherfucker says ever again unless they gave all that money to pregnant babies in africa unless all 100 of that money went to the pregnant babies what's that what is it fuck with brad pitt they play no just that commercial i just saw the picture of him with chanel number five and I just was going to tweet something silly about it. But I didn't know that there was a whole goddamn advertising campaign that has the most preposterous ads ever. Here we go. But we go on.

The world turns. It's not a journey. Every journey ends. But we go on. The world turns, and we turn with it. Plans disappear. dreams take over but wherever i go there you are my luck my fate my fortune chanel number five there's not stop there's not enough pussy in the world To get me to talk like that Ever

I just want you to know There's not enough money There's not enough You couldn't You couldn't stack it high enough I'd be like stop it I can't say that He's already got pussy

That's why it doesn't make any This is the chick from Avatar They got her in a basement She's got They just brought her over They're gonna suck his dick The big blue bitch with the crazy Oh you think I'm kidding?

She's going to suck his fucking yank tonight. What are you, fucking nuts? Wherever I go, you're good. What do you think they gave you? The world turns. We turn with it. What? Why did you write that down? Why did you even write that down? Me? No, the guy who wrote it. The world turns, and you turn

with it. What? What? Come on, stop it. You breathe in. You breathe out. You step left. You step right. You open the door. Then you shut it. The world turns, and you turn with it. What? What? Come on. Stop it. You breathe in. You breathe out. You step left. You step right. You open the door. Then you shut it. You get in your car. You drive.

Then you hit the brakes. Like, who fucking wrote this? That is like some of the most preposterous, silly horse shit I've ever heard. And it's not coming out of a struggling actor, okay? If you're a struggling actor, and someone comes up to you, and they give you a break, and it's to do this crazy, corny Chanel No. 5 commercial, that wasn't a struggling actor and someone comes up to you and they give you a break and it's to do this crazy corny Chanel No. 5 commercial, that wasn't a struggling actor. That's a motherfucking multimillionaire. We need to find out where that money went. It might go to pregnant babies.

If it goes to pregnant, starving babies with AIDS, we'll let them slide. They just paid a fucking village off, though. Did he buy a village? I wonder. I just asked. What do you think he got for that? A mil? You'd have to give him something like that, right?

He's goddamn Brad Pitt. If I was Brad Pitt's agent, I mean, he's Brad motherfucking Pitt. Now, supposedly, he has big commercials overseas. Oh, yeah.

They do them in Japan and shit. A lot of them. A lot of American celebrities feel like you can't, you're not supposed to do a commercial

because if you do a commercial, if you're a movie star do a commercial because if you do a commercial like a you know You feel like if you're a movie star What are you watching? What is this? Brad's hit Japanese commercial Pushing a car he's dressed up like a goofball

Yeah, he's dressed up weird like Jim Car Carrey style almost. Yeah, and he's moving like Charlie Chaplin. Yeah, what kind of character is this? See, that's fine. That's just him moving around and taking a picture. I don't have any problem with that. I got a problem when you're staring at the camera, talking about the world turns when you turn with it i touch my tongue to yours and we melt together joey diaz that's not joey diaz

that looks like joey diaz fucked big pussy in Japan. See, these are great because he's not talking English. He doesn't say anything. He's just playing a character. These might as well be, I mean, he might as well be in a movie. Look, he's very clever about the way he did this. Like, the first one, he's clearly acting. He's got a weird, crazy, cookie, yellow outfit on. And in this one, he's playing a role.

And he's pretending to pick this giant fucking sumo guy up. That shit is impossible. I want you to know. Because Joey Diaz is not as big as that guy. But I'm probably stronger than Brad Pitt. And I tried to pick Joey up once when he was seated, and it was no dice. I went double underhooks on Joey's back, and I got a gable grip. It wasn't happening, man.

Even the big guy from Pride couldn't pick me up over his head. Really? Bob Sapp? Bob Sapp. It was one of the most uncomfortable things for everybody. How high did he get you up there? He was having a hard time. I was really like top heavy or something. I was fucking with his head. Did you see this commercial, Joe?

Bob was never... For years, people would push computers on me and whatnot, cell phones, all that stuff. My friend said, listen, go to godaddy.com. I went over to godaddy.com. I didn't know about computers. I didn't know about social networks. I knew nothing.

I went to godaddy. They had a web builder. One, two, three, boom. Step by step, they're with you right away. Once you do it, poof, within minutes, your web page is up. I didn't have that online presence. People had a call here like it was still 1969. But ever since I got GoDaddy, I get PayPal. I take Visa online. They got the open table. Not to mention my yelp reviews are great frank's pizza is number one go to frank's the service is exceptional frank's delivery system is always on time and the pizza is always warm if you want to build your empire like me start with godaddy.com godaddy what's happening nothing i'm just calling you to see what's cracking have a good day

that's beautiful that's hilarious that's How much of that Did you write 80% of it Come on dog Yeah And you had no idea What you were talking about No I had no idea Did they just give you

Like a rough thing On how much I got to that point They said Do you know the points For this thing And I go No I didn't get the thing

And they go These are the points You gotta say And it was in between Like shooting Uh huh Like it was in between Shooting

Like in between Like they came over And go ready Right Let's pick it up From the other thing. I had to go back and pick up PayPal, pick up that, the tanning boot. Like, that was just fucking quick, man.

That was fucking crazy that morning. That was quick. Yeah, that seems like a, that's a, that's a great utilization of you. Like, let you, just give you, give them the points and let them rant a little bit. Why fuck around? I didn't curse. You ain't Brad Pitt. He doesn't have to say breathe in and breathe out.

The world turns and you turn with it. That's the first time I ever saw Brad Pitt in a commercial. Am I hallucinating? No, I think he's sold down the river. How many kids has he got? He's got a lot of kids. He's got a lot of houses. And he's done a lot of shit movies lately,

and Angelina's been pulling all the weight. When was the last time Brad was in a big hit? Moneyball. Was that a big hit? Yeah. Was it? The baseball movie? I didn't see that.

Yeah. Okay, so I'm wrong. So how much money do you think he made from that? Enough for 80 kids in Taipan? You've got to give them 20 just to talk to them. 20? That's what they get for a movie? You've got to give them 20 just to talk to them.

Maybe that's not enough the way they're balling and fucking they you know gucci clothes for little babies and shit 20 million a movie he does three a year that's 60 she does the same that's a buck 20 10 of these that's that's some fucking cash dog yeah i'm fucking around i wonder how much they're giving him for the movies 20 or. Or rather for commercials. These commercials. Fuck. For a whole campaign?

Yeah. He's going to shoot five or six of them. Clothes. Cologne. If he got together with his silly black and white commercial and they overlapped it with Steven Dorff's silly black and white commercial. CGI'd him together. If they just spliced it back and forth, you went from one douchey statement to the other,

I think that would be listen mischief maker we know you're out there okay we're calling you we're setting the freak flag up over the rogan compound we need to put together the possibly douchiest commercials of all time together with kiss the song kiss me in the background yes listen man we don't want to fuck with your artistic integrity by giving you a suggestion that you haven't. But, Brandon, you know what to do. You know to do the right thing. Go make that video.

This fucking guy was a very good money boy, Joe. I bet. He's a great actor. He was great in an interview with a vampire. I loved him in that. I loved him in a lot of movies. He was great in Fight Club. I'm just bullshitting, but I just wish he didn't do that fucking commercial.

I mean, that just seems like so whorish. You know, I should talk. I did Fear Factor for six years, and then I went back and did it again. But even I wouldn't do that Chanel commercial. Sure you would. I don't think so. At this point, what the? No, no, no, no, no.

You come out, how you doing? I'm Joe Rogan from the UFC. You know, fear the ring. You should smell really stinky. This is the new UFC Chanel edition. First of all, I could never do it because it's been widely. I've said it a hundred times in the podcast that I hate all that stuff. I don't like any form of cologne.

I wear a deodorant because if I don't, I smell really bad. I smell like meat. Sicilian. Like old meat. You smell Sicilian. My underarms. And I'm not willing to shave my underarms. Shit and all that fun. Plus, you know what, folks?

I get through life. I exude a lot of energy. You know what I'm saying? I don't have fast things. So I'm putting forth effort all day. And when you're putting forth effort all day, you're grinding and sweating and shit is going down inside your body. And when it comes out of your armpits, it smells horrible.

So I wear a little deodorant. So if you smell me and you're like, what a hypocrite. He's wearing some fucking cologne. I'm not. That's just Old Spice. That's what I prefer. Old Spice Sport. Not antiperspirant because I'm not trying to stop sweating. I like sweating. I'm not going to bullshit you. You have a little baby CK1

at the house. CK1. I love it. I'm not going to bullshit you. I do have a little baby CK1 at the house. CK1. I love it. Whatever the fuck it is, just in case I got reefer on me and I got a suit on or something and I don't want, you know, I'll put a little dab on my neck. What is this one? What is this commercial?

What the fuck is going on here? I'm trying to be the street. I'm trying to be the street. What is this? What's this for? What do I do for you? Zeus, help me! Zeus! Boy am I glad to see you. Sit tight, buddy. Big Brother's about to show you how to save Christmas Eve.

Oh, this is the thing you did with Dean Cain? This is the latest one. This is the latest one. This is the one for this year called The Dog Who Saved the Holidays. Jerry Valentine. Lisa Donovan. Michael Gross. Michael Gross. Shelly Long.

I got a date with a fuse box. Peyton List as Eve. Mike Nepomit. Joey Lawrence. Hey Hey that's me As Zeus I think I'm gonna need a little backup on this one I'm gonna get top billing on this shit I'll get it

Zeus is my dad I should get the top billing on this Yeah what is that? You can't even get top billing over Shelly Long? You fucking believe this shit? Say 1994 What the fuck man? This fucking day and age is what I need

With some respect Did you get billing at all? Did they even mention your name oh it's my fucking yeah I get like they treat me like a fucking Puerto Rican on the spot fuck

did you like working with Dean Cain yeah I did like five five fucking movies five of those things did you hang out with Michael Gross and molest Joey Lawrence no I didn't bother nobody I keep doing my thing

Michael Gross is one of those guys that's been in a bunch of movies and is a really good actor and then you see him in that and you go oh that's what that guy's name is I've that's been in a bunch of movies and is a really good actor. And then you see him in that and you go, oh, that's what that guy's name is. I've seen that guy in a bunch of things. That guy's good. Family ties. You know what I watched today, man?

I started recording it here on the studio. Some Walker, Texas Ranger. Oh, my goodness. It's fucking good. It's so funny. I want to play a little bit of it for you because it's so ridiculous. I recorded it on the DVR. i forgot how good that show is that show is like might as well be a comic book that was written in 1950 you know what i mean where he'd walk up on everything

the acting oh his sidekick was horrendously he gets in a fight he gets in a fight in this bad guy's office and the two bad guys henchmen tried to close in on him and he's strong he's in a fight in this bad guy's office, and the two bad guys' henchmen tried to close in on him. And he's in a little crow's environment, but he's throwing mad karate kicks and shit. Chuck Norris don't play games. He's throwing wheel kicks and shit. Right off the bat, he just throws wheel kicks with cowboy boots on and shit. Anyway, knocks this guy out, and then goes up to him, grabs him,

and starts questioning him. And the acting that came out of this meathead that was lying down on the ground, it might be the worst acting ever recorded on film and put on television. I mean, it's beautiful. It's a great show. Those shows, like, you watch those shows and you wonder what they were really doing. You're up to red back. You're approaching me, aren't you?

What? What's going on? Joey, what's that show? What's your character's name in that Nickelodeon show? Joey Lasagna? What are you pulling off? Meatballs. Joey Meatballs.

Not Joey Meatballs, but Meatball King. Meatball King. It's so funny seeing Joey now out in public, and people come up like, can you sign this for my daughter? And you're like, what the fuck is that? And then you realize that he's known for this character called Joey Meatballs. And what show is this on? Kicking It.

Yeah, Kicking It. Yeah, Kicking It. What is Kicking It? It's a show on Disney XD. Now, what if these people ever see you on stage or listen to one of these fucking podcasts? No, no. The funny thing is that these Kicking It's... The funny thing is that all these shows, to advertise them, they're put on there by the networks.

Nickelodeon knows that if they're going to put out a trailer on a commercial, it's a lot cheaper to put the trailer on on YouTube. The kids will know that they're coming up and they'll hit it. There's thousands of hits on these trailers for kicking it, right? You go to the trailer that I'm on and you got to see what it says. If you ain't high by 2 o'clock, go fuck your mother. Lucy Snobbish, I want to eat your pussy on Quaaludes. You got to see like like, the one for, like, uh...

Pull up the comments, Brian. What is this one? That's the... Glad to see you came to your senses. This is... You got my money? What is this? You got my goat.

This is kickin' it. This is right there. Jerry, should you be making a delivery? I'm done with delivery. When I took a job with you, I didn't know what kind of person you were. But I do now. What are you doing here with? Goat Boy.

Goat Boy's a friend of mine. In fact, he's got lots of friends. Some you might even know. Stop. Stop before I get retarded. That might turn me dumb. That's worse than Walker, Texas Ranger. Listen, we're going to have to compare. We're going to have to compare that

to Walker, Texas Ranger because I'm telling you, they're pretty damn close. You cocksucker. I owe you one, cocksucker. Yeah. That was not good. So funny. That was not good. Can you imagine if he was really, like, fighting with these kids?

You know what the worst thing is? When you first come to Hollywood and you meet somebody like that, that's somebody that's been in one of these really horrible shows and they make you watch it. All the time they're real and you try to go to their house. Have you ever had that happen? Oh, please. Oh, it's the worst, man.

It's embarrassing. When people email you shit still. I still get shit on Facebook and Twitter. Watch my reel and tell me what you think. Why would you ask a guy like me at five in the morning who's fucking stoned? Red Beanie, you going back to Columbus for the holidays? No, but I'm going back in March

with Joe Rogan and Ari Shaffir. Turn around and look at this. Turn around. We can't show this on TV because we don't have the rights for it but it's chuck doris just i mean it's like it's hilarious though watch this one dude though this is my favorite after he smashes this guy now the big guy grabs him now watch this move kick off the wall boom throw him down now check this anderson silva like elbow now watch this move. Kick off the wall. Boom! Throw him down. Now check this Anderson Silva like elbow. Now watch this acting. This is the worst acting

ever. Chuck is excellent. How bad is the goon? And he's just out He's just out again And then there's some kids that he has to hug That's what he does Saves the world and hugs some kids

This fucking show is great Especially when you're as high as the national deficit Let me tell you something The other day I was cleaning out my fucking room And I found a package for 18 Wheels of Justice. That was another show, right? The first show I ever shot. That was Lorenzo Lamas, right?

Yes. One of those fucking actors down in whatever. I forgot all about it. 18 Wheels of Justice was the first booking. I remember before I went in there and told me the lady's a fucking old lady. She'll torture you. I went in there and booked a bookie role where I had to smack a fucking playmate in the ass as she walks out of the room. 18 Wheels of Justice.

It was in 2000. Yeah. I shot one of those episodes in San Diego. I remember they gave me 60 bucks for per diem. Oh, my God. I didn't eat nothing. I saved it to do a grandma blow. It was in Lorenzo Watts.

No, it was some other handsome white dude. Lucky Vanoose? Is that his name? Oh my God. See what else he shot. Who's Lucky Vanoose? He's fucking working in the Tampa Revival Group right now. Reviving fucking Godspell or whatever.

This guy was the head guy in the show, and they don't even have a photo of him on IMDb. Is this it? That's Gordon liddy man oh they blew up a house yeah that's it there you go oh god that looked like that's 18 wheels. And he was like trying to like. And you know what network that was, guys? What? Spike, which was TNN at the time. Oh, that's right. It was the National Network.

Guys, that was when they tried to do original programming. That was it. That was her. Yep. There you go. That's a good idea. If you have a show called the National Network and you're like, listen, this is what we got. We got a lot of truckers.

A lot of truckers watch. How about a trucker superhero? How about a trucker superhero that is just an ordinary guy, just backed into extraordinary circumstances, and he's forced to, you know, man up and pull himself up by his bootstraps and become a reluctant hero. I mean, I think it's basically BJ and the Bear, but no chimp. It's one of the best shows of all time, BJ and the Bear. Remember back when BJ and the Bear was on, and we thought chimps were like these little cute things you could hug

before they started eating people's faces and biting their dicks off and shit? You never heard about that when we were kids. You never heard about a chimp biting people's faces off? Maybe they're an Adderall, too. That's the fucking problem. Well, wasn't that one lady that lived in Connecticut, You ever heard about a chimp biting people's faces off? Maybe they're an Adderall, too. That's the fucking problem. Well, wasn't that one lady that lived in Connecticut that had the pet chimp? She was feeding that fucking chimp Xanax.

She was feeding it Xanax, and it was drinking wine. Yeah. The bitch was taking Xanax. So she would, hey, the chimp wants Xanax, too. Give him a fucking Xanax. Give him a Xanax. He's going to eat your face. Give him a fucking Xanax. That him a Xanax. He's going to eat your face. Give him a fucking Xanax.

That probably is why he ate that chick's face. He was probably coming down from Xanaxes. He's all Xanaxed up. He's all Xanaxed out, red man. Poor chimp. Did you eat an edible today, Joey? Something happened. No, what? He kicked in about ten minutes ago.

Joey hit the wall. We would call the Eddie Bravo post-one-hour wall. What? Why, what happened? I didn't hit no fucking wall. Eddie Bravo goes

guns blazing for the first hour of podcast. No, no, no. And then like an hour in he goes, so what? Anything? No, no.

I'm waiting on you fucking guys. I'm a counter-striker. Eddie Bravo, ladies and gentlemen, for Eddie Bravo fans, which of course we all are. Eddie Bravo fans.

Eddie's the shit. He's got his own podcast that he just started doing called Eddie Bravo Radio. And if you are down with chemtrails, that is the podcast for you. If you want to hear more about Philip Corso and UFOs and jujitsu and MMA and crop circles and chemtrails and music. Kiss. Fuck the whole thing. Kiss, knowledge.

Eddie Bravo, Smoke Serpent. And he does it with Alder and Zach and Rob, all these guys that we train jiu-jitsu with. I don't know if he's going to do it with them every episode or if he's just doing it like that for now. But Eddie Bravo Radio, if you're down and if you're not don't get cunty okay settle the fuck down that's my brother do you remember this website joey joey diaz yes i do yeah i'm joey diaz here way back machine where'd you find that that was look you got an ice house banner no no, no, no. Latino comedy. I want to see what. There was a chick on there that sent me a message on there. I want to see if it's still on there.

Who put, don't show it online. Oh, you remembered me, Joey. Yeah, yeah. Is that online still, this thing? Yeah, it's in the internet archives. So, look, here's a picture of Pablo from back in the day that you probably forgot about. Yeah. That's what I was just saying, that I was listening to Pablo on the way over here.

They had, it was on Jamie Fox fox's uh thing the foxhole the same one where he's interviewing quentin tarantino and uh i was listening to uh pablo and pablo is so fucking entertaining that dude did nothing but jackie chan like like jackie chan like trailer like jokes you know like Jackie Chan, like Jackie Chan trailer jokes. He's the nicest guy in the world. I'm so nice. Why do you have to fight me? And he just did nothing but that for 10 minutes, and I'm just laughing like a fool in my car, giggling on the way up here.

What are you doing, Brian? You're distracting the shit out of him with all this. I don't fucking know. You're staring at magic tricks. Yeah yeah you're definitely on an edible bro i haven't been smoking weed for the solid sense from the solid sense what does that mean oh yeah that vaporizer is very good but it's not as good as smoking weed no no no that's what i'm saying it's pretty good it's pretty close in the morning it's i but it's not as good as smoking weed. No, no, no, no. That's what I'm saying. It's pretty good. It's pretty close. It gets you going in the morning.

I think it's the right amount before you go on stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the right amount. You have to switch up the capsules because you're used to it. So you got to have a sativa. And I got to do that when I smoke weed anyway. I do the same thing. Yeah, you always mix it up.

Smoke the same weed the whole fucking day. We're different like that, though. I don't mind smoking the same weed all the time. I can smoke the same weed for like six months. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I never understood how somebody bought a pound of weed. Every time you went out, you got the same fucking weed. You're killing me, that guy.

Switch this bitch up. I think you and I do very different things with the weed. No, no, no, no. Even if you smoke it, like some mornings you want to smoke a sativa. Some mornings you want the sativas. I love sativas. How high are you getting? Are you getting like stupid high?

In the mornings? No, no, no. Not like I used to, though. Not like this. So when you were switching to money. Listen, bro. When I was waking up and smoking Mats OG at 4.45 in the a.m., by 5.30 you're drooling.

That indica sativa fucking grind together. I had to get out, jump in a pool. You got to do something. You got to do something. You got to get on a bicycle. It's like that shit that Lance Armstrong, A-M-B. What were they shooting in their legs? They got to get up at 3 in the fucking morning and pedal their fucking thing.

Yeah, E-P-O. Same thing. I was getting that type of reaction from the weed, which I love. I love getting high and having the sudden urge to go hit the bag for 30 minutes or throw kicks. I like that. Where 15 minutes in, you're like, oh, my God, I'm 15 minutes in. Right. Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, it feels good to move your body around. Well, the thing that comes with weed, especially if you get that full body high, a lot of deep indicas, you get that real sensitivity to all of your body, all the different aspects of your body, all the different muscle fibers and shit you feel moving around and shit, stretching. I've done everything, pretty much. I've tried pretty much. I want to live in Colorado.

I've tried climbing a wall and everything. The easiest two things I've done high, which I really enjoy, number one on the list is yoga. Yoga's amazing. It's amazing. Really high to the gills. On an edible, it's better because you get more energy in your lungs

to hold the poses and shit like that. Especially if you eat like a cookie. But who's going to go to 6 a.m. yoga? You've got to get up at 3.30. Be the fucking edible. You're a savage. You know what they say the best thing with yoga is? The real aficionados?

Eating hashish. Hashish, yeah. A little hash cookie or something. Yeah, you eat hashish, and then an hour and 20 minutes later, you do the yoga. When Bruce Lee died, what was in his system?

THC or hashish? Neither one. I mean, I'm sure he had some stuff in his system. Right. But he died from a cerebral... No, no, I understand. No, no. I have nothing with the cause.

He died from the fucking Yakuza and the fucking Chinese. Yeah, because they... They killed him? He stopped making money, but... You think so? Yeah. Once he went over to Warner Brothers, how are they going to cleanse their money? Is that like the conspiracy theory?

Is that the main theory? Look, he made three movies over there. He made four movies over there. Right. Then he came over. He went to do Enter the Dragon. Then he went back to release the movie, and he died or something. So you think they whacked him?

I don't know what happened, but I know those movies have made gazillions. They look at all these people. Oh, they made this movie for this. What do you think it cost to make Fist of Fury in the Philippines? Fifty bucks. Fifty bucks. How many millions do you think they've made? It's probably millions.

Millions. You know what's crazy? Millions and millions. If you look up what was the producer on those movies he did, Ren Ren Chao? I don't know. Raymond Chao was the producer on all those movies. Look at that picture. After 1973, I want you to look at how many movies.

Do you know where this is? I know where that picture was from. Yeah. Do you know where this is? I don't know. Do you know where that picture is from? Yeah. Do you know where I do? Do you know where it's from, Joey? Where? Oh, that's in Florida.

Austin, motherfucking Texas. That one place that we always stay at? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Across the street from that other place. If you look and see after Bruce Lee died in 73, how many movies Raymond Chow produced in the U.S.? Take a look. How many? Go take a fucking look.

Don't ask me. Well, there was a big market for those Bruce Lai movies. No, this was not Bruce Lai. He directed Death Hunt with Charles Bronson. How the fuck is Raymond Chow a director on a Charles Bronson movie, a producer? Go ahead. I don't know. How was it?

Go ahead. I don't know. You tell me. Is that a conspiracy? I don't know what's going on here. You tell me. Raymond Chow had his own fucking company, which is called whatever movies. The movies that fucking did.

Joey Diaz is the... No, I'm not. I'm not nothing. I'm a nobody. I'm just telling you speculation. He's Alex Jones of the Chinese Kung Fu movies. See, what you motherfuckers forget that you guys were here for the cell phone. You guys were here for this.

I was here for the... The United States government killed Bruce Lee. No, it wasn't no fucking government. I was here for the Bruce Lee invasion. A lot of people were here for the wasn't no fucking government. I was here for the Bruce Lee invasion. A lot of people were here for the Beatles invasion, not me. I was here when everybody was walking around with Chinese shoes. Raymond Chow with known CFI titles. No, Raymond Chow.

He's exactly the producer of every single movie in the world. Okay, after 73 or before 73? United States only. Let's look at all those movies, and how many of those movies do you think he got to fuck white girls in? How many where they brought white chicks to him and he just had mad white chick orgies?

Now before 73 he was Enter the Dragon. What else? Look at all those goddamn movies. That's the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. That guy directed 100 hundred fucking movies. What are the actual numbers, Brian? How many movies did he actually direct? 160 he produced.

Holy shit. But you could like be produced on a couple different movies at a time. You can't really... Can you really do that? Go down again! Look at that. He produced... Keep going slowly, slowly. Slowly, you fuck. Game produced. Keep going. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly, you fuck.

Game of Death. All right, but keep going up. Keep going up. Up, up, up. The other way. The other way. The other way. Up, up, up.

Slow down. Slowly. The brick brawl. Game of Death 2. Oh, that was the worst one ever. Cannonball run. Look at these movies this motherfucker did. He did Cannonball run.

Look at this shit. Breakthrough. Look at this. Keep going.. He did Cannonball Run. Look at this shit. Breakthrough. Look at this. Keep going. Keep going. What's Breakthrough? Who the fuck knows? Cannonball Run 2.

That was our meal. Look at this shit. He did the Cannonball Run 1 and 2. Above the Law with Steven Seagal. Oh, wow. That motherfucker. He did Police Story 2. He did everything. Above the Law. A lot that police story, too? He did everything.

Above the law. A lot of Chinese movies, huh? Yeah, that's where the... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 and Once Upon a Time in China. He just muscled himself into those movies. Wow. They just bring them to him.

Would you mind being in this? Look at this. Sun Waku, everything. Is he single? Brian, you got to stop with that dumb, fake gay voice. That's ruining your internet. That's not a gay voice. You're doing so well, and then you do that, and everybody goes, God damn it.

That's not a gay voice. Stop it. You know what it is. It's a vegan voice. Shut your mouth. Oh, how dare you. How dare you. Shit, Joey Diaz.

So what's next, Joey? You know me, baby. You know what's fucking next. Friday night, the 21st, 8 o'clock, we'll turn motherfucking theater. I'm eating the first edible like at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I'm timing it all perfectly. I'm doing MGMH at 4. What's MGMH?

I don't know. We can go promo. Mixed with fucking mushrooms, bath salts, bazookH? I don't know. We even go promo. Mixed with fucking mushrooms. Bath salts. Bazookas. I'm doing everything. We want to extend a formal invitation to John McAfee. If you are free in the United States, we have two tickets for you for the Wilton Theater. You'll sit right next to Brian Redband

and his date for the evening. What are you bringing, Brian? No bath salts at the Wilton. Please, folks. It's the end of the world. We can go bath salt free for one night. Shall we? Keep it together. Joe Diaz, Doug Stanhope, Honey Honey, and me.

And Doug Stanhope will be on the podcast on Saturday, the day after the end of the world. If there is a world to return to, we would do the Doug Stanhope podcast Saturday afternoon. You dirty fucks. All right, folks? Oh, my special's out Doug Stanhold podcast Saturday afternoon. You dirty fucks. Alright, folks? Oh, my special's out. It's out right now. So, if you're inclined, if you go to joerogan.net, it's called Live from the Tabernacle.

I think it's my best one yet. Is it going to be on iTunes also, so I can just download it through iTunes? Maybe eventually. But right now, it's just through my website. For probably the longest time. maybe like a year or two. Maybe for the rest of my life. But it's an unprotected file, so you can just move it onto like a computer and stream it. Yeah, yeah.

What is it called? DRM-free? Yeah, DRM-free. Yeah, no. It's the same way Louis C.K. did it. I completely stole everything he did. Right. And if you have an Apple TV, all you do is you open it up in iTunes, and on the top right-hand button, you can send it to your Apple TV.

Yeah, you can stream it. There's a lot of ways you can stream it. Yeah, there's all sorts of ways you can watch it on your television. I'm not the most technologically inclined, but we tried to make it as easy as possible. And the feedback has been amazing, so thank you very much. I'm real excited that so many people decided to download it. Congratulations, Doug. Thanks, man.

I'm very happy. You know, look, I think what Louis did was really important for us, for stand-up comedians. You know, his idea was perfect. It was brilliant. The amount of money was the right amount of money. Five bucks is, I mean, he could have made it ten, probably the same amount of people would buy it. But five is, like, really, like, honest. It's like, you know, you're getting a recording of the live performance.

You're not getting the live performance itself. You're getting the recording. it's worth five bucks you know you know the best thing that you're doing also is the ability to send it as a gift so like i've already sent it to a few people you just put their email address and then you pretty much buy it and then just send it to them they get download instructions so like you can send it to your friends or families yeah we wanted to have a setup like that we wanted to have it so that you could send it to people if you dug it. People love sending people. A lot of people send me music.

That's how we found out about Honey Honey. That's how I constantly hear about new bands. That's how I found out about Roadkill Ghost Choir. Somebody sent it to me. I love that. And people love doing that with comics too. And so if you want to send mine, you can do that. You can gift it.

Joe, when's the next thing that people can see of you? What's the next? January 17th at the Irvine Improv after the birth of my fucking daughter the next couple of weeks. I'm just at home chilling, writing, kickboxing, lifting weights. I'm trying to do everything. What day is January 17th? It's a Thursday night. Thursday night.

So that's the next time. And when are you going to release something live? I have no fucking idea. Let's do everything. What day is January 17th? It's a Thursday night. Thursday night. So that's the next time. And when are you going to release something live? I have no fucking idea. Let's do that. Can I produce that? Sure. How about we'll do that? How about the next thing that I do through Talking Monkey Incorporated, we'll just produce

your shit and release it the same way? Done. Done. On your webpage? Yeah. Or yours or whatever. We'll make it set yours up the same way. No, no.

Same fucking thing. Okay. Let's do it. Join Meatballs.com. Let's do it. Join Meatballs.com. Let's do it. Yeah, let's, we'll put together, you know,

a time where we can, you know, record you at some club and I think for you, what would really be badass, one of the cool ways to do it with you is to take you

from the fucking green room, like one camera, from the green room all the way out to the stage, follow you through the whole thing one just one crazy

wild fucking take and then you sneak out the back door do four shows do four shows done pick the one you like the best

release the hounds done because you know I get these emails from people all the time when is Joey Cocodilla is going to have some kind of comedy special

as long as you're on let's do it I always want to do what we're talking monkey dead squad motherfucking records in full effect hey and we're going to have some kind of comedy special. As long as you're on, let's do it. I always want to do what we're talking, Monkey, Dead Squad, motherfucking records in full effect. Hey, and we're going to be at the improv Thursday. Thursday night. We're going to be there Thursday night.

I'm going to be at the improv tonight with Ari at the Storyteller Show with Greg Fitzsimmons and a couple people. Come on by and see Greg. Yeah, it's only five bucks. Five bucks. And it's a charity. And it's really fun.

That's a really fun time. And Thursday night we're there with you at 8 o'clock, correct? Yeah, 8 o'clock Thursday, improv.com. It's the Hollywood Improv. The 17th of January in Irvine. By that time you'll have your first check. Everything will be beautiful. You're ready to get the fat ass.

Hopefully, or the aliens will have landed and money will be worthless. Fuck apocalyptos. Fuck Mel Gibson. Fuck millions. Brian and I are already wearing our NASA outfits. That's right. Because we are volunteering for volunteer NASA. Because there will be a volunteer NASA in the future, just like volunteer fire department.

I'm just doing it because I want to trick Cara Santa Maria to think that I'm in NASA. Yeah. Yeah. Good move. I like what you're doing. I think it'll work. You know what I think? Yeah. I think as long as you make the effort to try to trick her, she'll just play along. Yeah. And then you're doing. I think it'll work. You know what I think? Yeah, I think as long as you make the effort to try to trick her, she'll just play along, and then you're golden. And then it's like your whole life is like a fantasy role-playing game.

That's kind of cool. You pretend you're the super scientist in NASA, and even though you're just leaving our house, you're telling me you have to go to the moon. Dude, that's a great idea. I'll print out, like, fake NASA documents, and I would carry them around all the time on a clipboard. It reminds me of a Robin Harris bit. Robin Harris is one of the lost comics that nobody ever talks about. D.L. Hughley was influenced by him quite a lot,

especially early in D.L.'s career. You too? Robin Harris is really, really funny. One of the things he had a great joke about, he said, man, everybody know Pretty Woman. Pretty Woman, man, too much work. He goes, ugly woman, You could tell her anything bitch I'm going to the moon

I don't want nothing to happen to you up there And he was like so like casual in his delivery and like relaxed And he just made you smile just looking at was up there. He was Sweet Dick Willie in Do the Right Fucking Thing. Yeah. And he was tremendous. Who else would have a character named Sweet Dick Willie? Yeah. Ugly woman, you tell her anything.

Bitch, I'm going to the moon. I'll never forget listening to that, man. Yeah, I think there's a special called Bebe's Kids. Bebe's Kids. Yeah, I think you could, I don't know if you could watch it, but you could definitely listen to that, man. Yeah, I think there's a special called Bebe's Kids. Yeah, I think you could... I don't know if you could watch it, but you could definitely listen to it. I used to listen to that shit on cassette. Okay? I had that thing

on fucking cassette. I used to listen to that in my Volkswagen Corrado. I would drive around and listen to Joey Diaz you're yawning. I'm always yawning, brother. What's the matter, man? You're not getting any sleep? Are you nervous? No No I was up at I was up at fucking

4.30 Are you up at the sun And gone with the wind Yeah I went to bed early last night And got up early Yeah Just

Yeah You're always up man I text you at 6 o'clock in the morning You text me back Yeah I was ready to rock at 6 I sent you a text You know by fucking 8 o'clock This morning

I'm going to the kitchen Making a protein shake and fucking going, wow. It's 8 o'clock and I've already done 30 fucking things. That's Robin Harris right there. Yeah, right there. Like I didn't leave the house, but I had already done 30 fucking things in the house. Showered, breakfast, protein shake, emails, phone calls, the whole fucking deal. Refer.

Have you thought about moving to the suburbs where all people raise their babies? I've thought about a lot of fucking things. Are you going to stay in the hood? No, I'm all right. I'm all right where I'm at. You like where you're at? Yeah, I'm going to stay there for a few months. You thought about moving to Nashville too, huh?

I thought about a lot of fucking things. Talk to Honey Honey. You'll move there. They love it there. I know. A lot of people love it except everyone's armed they said that's a problem like everybody's knows somebody that's been shot well she shot him and then he shot her back and everybody's on but you know what i don't run in those circles have you ever seen the wild and wonderful whites of west virginia i heard about it i'm getting you

that for christmas i'm gonna I'm getting you that for Christmas. Yes. I'm going to have to get you that for Christmas. I don't run in those circles, so I'm not worried. You know, weapons, when I did carry a weapon when I was 27, I thought I was a coke dealer and I carried the Miami Vice with the upside-down piece with the two clips with 16 and the fuck 14. How old were you? I was probably 27 when I thought I was Don Johnson.

And you were just walking around with a gun for how long? Just at night. At night I'd get paranoid looking out windows fucking. And then at night, like if I had to go pick up $80 from you, I'd put the gun on. Like, whoa. Really? You know, and just not that I wouldn't show it to you, but I'd have it on me just in case. And it was just weird that things would happen around me when I had that gun.

And then one day I stopped wearing the gun and those things disappeared. So I've heard people say that before. Yeah, they're a magnet, brother. You really think? Fuck yeah. Yeah? Fuck yeah. Do you think it's the mindset that you have while you're carrying it that makes you a magnet for problems?

You know what? When I carried a gun was the only time somebody opened their jacket to me one time and let me know they had a gun or somebody they were with. You know, one time it happened in El Paso, but that shit's going to happen in El Paso when you're buying blowout four in the morning with somebody's wife, you know. I would imagine that would be a shady deal. Yeah, so just like knives, I've seen people get stabbed

and got into fights when they have a knife on me. What the fuck am I going to carry a knife on me fucking for? For what? You know when you carry a knife? You know who gets cut when you carry a knife on me. What the fuck am I going to carry a knife on me fucking for? For what? You know when you carry a knife? You know who gets cut when you carry a knife? You do, you dumb motherfucker. That's who gets caught. When you stab somebody and shit, you're not used to.

Even when you train with fucking knives, you'll cut your hands. Yeah. If they don't have the guards at the end because the shit slips off. That's the first thing. It's just that if you don't know how to use a knife, you should not fuck with one. You're only going to hurt your fucking hands. You really just that if you don't know how to use a knife, you should not fuck with one. You're only going to hurt your fucking hands. You really are. How many people really know how to use a knife?

Not many. They think they watch fucking Boys in the Hood and all of a sudden they fucking go out and buy a switchblade. You have no idea, my friend. You have no idea when your knife hits a bone and it twists and it pops out. I've seen people with knives get the shit knocked out of them for pulling out a fucking knife or something.

One time at Port Authority in New York, I seen something go down. You know when you catch a tail end or something? And that's what had happened. This guy pulled out a knife, went to stab a dude with a leather jacket on. You're in no danger, stupid. You're in no danger. Like he hit him in the elbow, the guy caught it,

and this guy just knocked the fuck out of him broke his fucking lip it was beautiful so you're saying if you live in a dangerous area get some chain mail get yourself a nice coat of armor

get a nice leather jacket but who's gonna wear that when it's 150 fucking degrees in Atlanta how are you gonna do that in Atlanta, New York, Miami there's all listen

stay the fuck in mind your goddamn business. Even when you carried nunchucks as a kid, you met other motherfuckers with nunchucks. I never carried nunchucks as a kid. You passed that. That was a great time. I had a knife for a while. I had one of those 007 knives.

When nunchucks hit, everybody you looked at, instead of having tattoos, they had bruises. When everybody carried nunchucks, everybody had bruises at the back of their elbows. People really carried nunchucks around? Oh, my God. In the fucking mid-70s when Bruce Lee came out like this and fisted. I think he took the Chinese connection. When he took those nunchucks, it was done. Then there was another movie that came out called Corrado the Hong Kong Cat that is not documented.

I've been hunting for fucking years because his new chucks had copper on their corners. So this motherfucker took. Like Bruce Lee took two brooms. You took a hole. You drilled it. And you put eye hooks. And you took two chains. Those were new chucks.

Not Hong Kong Cat. He took it to a different motherfucking level. He took two new chucks like this. Drilled them. But instead of putting just a thing in. He put metal caps with an eye, and then he put an eye hook into that. Not to mention the bottom,

he'd go to the hardware store, to the plumbing supply, and put caps on the bottom. Copper caps and crazy glue them on there. So when you got hit in the head, when you got hit in the head with copper instead of fucking wood, that's what Hong Kong did. He added a whole different dimension to the Nunchuck world over there.

Nunchucks made me realize uh about the differences in woods that's how i found out about different kinds of woods from nunchucks because you would go to like to buy them on those catalogs they would have like cocobolo you wanted cocobolo woodchucks a very dark dense wood very heavy like oh those would make some badass nunchucks that's how i found out about like, like, Cocobolo and oak, like, what the harder woods were. It was, like, what they were making nunchucks out of. What was the harder one? Cocobolo. Cocobolo's pretty hard. Those are the hard ones.

Yeah, ebony. Because oak were hard, but. If you could get real ebony, that's really hard, too. That's really hard. Really heavy. There's some dense. The dark woods, mostly, are usually the harder woods. Like, ebony is an extremely heavy, dense wood.

That's why they use it a lot. Like a lot of people like it for pool cues. You know, they make them out of ebony because it's so dense and heavy. It's just tough to get an ebony pool cue that's like a lightweight one. You know what's crazy, though? I've seen, growing up, I've seen a thousand white kids with new chucks. Black people love new chucks. There's some Bruce Lee.

Look right there. Way before this, the Chinese connection was where he took them to. Look at this. By this time here, motherfuckers, once he took it from the bottom. Put the sound so you can hear it. Because the sound is crazy. The video doesn't have sound.

Doesn't have sound. The video doesn't have sound. Right there. That wasuly of 73 this fucking country lost their mind oh they lost their mind they lost their black people at the movie theater lost their fucking i was living in an apartment and the superintendent go the other way for chinese connection new chuck right there is that it i was living in this apartment and the the uh superintendent that uh whatever it was yeah i guess it was a superintendent the guy who takes care of the building his family um he had a son that was like my age and that's how i found out about bruce lee they're like you don't

know about bruce lee i was like what's bruce lee and i went over their house they were showing me these bruce lee posters like whoa he had like a poster like enter the dragon you know with the fucking cuts on them with the blood oh yeah what is this? And then I think they took me to see a movie. You know, you didn't have VCRs back then, so you had to actually go to the movies. I'm pretty sure they took me to see the first Bruce Lee movie I ever saw, and I was like, whoa. This is Chinese Connection. This is like a really good together reel.

I remember being in the fourth grade at Sacred Heart School for Boys watching Happy Days on a Tuesday fucking night. And all of a sudden, right there, seeing the trailer for The Chinese Connection and Joe Rogan losing my fucking mind. That was a badass. That was his best movie. Yeah, there was no character like this. Look at this. Who's that guy? What's his name, Joe Rogan?

Sammo Hung. Sammo Hung. Look at this shit. I think that's Sammo Hung. Yeah, that's Sammo Hung. Yeah. Look at this. Who's that guy? What's his name, Joe Rogan? Sammo Hung. Sammo Hung. Look at this shit. This is where he introduced. I think that's Sammo Hung. Yeah, that's Sammo Hung. Yeah. Look at Chuck Norris.

There's Chuck Norris and him duking it out. Chuck Norris, a lot of people don't know. You see him when he's like 60 years old, the Walker Texas Ranger, and you don't know the history. Chuck Norris was like a real kickboxing champion, like one of the first. A karate tournament champion. Right there. When I first saw that scene,

that destroyed America. That was it. After that, America never recovered from that. People were eating Chinese food. Kids were going to Chinatown. You know, it completely opened up

a new door, bro. Instead of going to the fucking roller skating on Saturdays, we were going to Chinatown to eat their food. Remember when people started wearing Chinese slippers? I wore them. My mother thought I was crazy.

I used to wear sandals and fucking incense in the house. Right there. That's just amazing. The Chinese Connection is just a tremendous fucking movie if you've never seen it. He's raw.

And you know he's on the phone with the whole time, Joe Rogan? And after this, we gotta go. She can't top this. When he shot The Chinese Connection the whole time who he's on the phone with the whole time, Joe Rogan? And after this, we got to go. Who? She can't top this. When he shot the Chinese Connection the whole time, he was on the phone with Steve motherfucking McQueen. The whole time, he's like, what do I do? I'm just a Chinese. What the fuck do I do?

That's who gave me the idea to hang motherfuckers. In the Chinese Connection, he killed the motherfuckers and he hung them. Didn't he take lessons, Steve McQueen? Yeah. And James Coburn. James Coburn, yeah. Oh, please. Didn't you do a movie with James Coburn?

You did something with James Coburn? What did you do with him? Oh, I did. I did a couple things with him. I did Arliss. You did Arliss. And I did Arliss, an episode of Arliss. And I did American Gun with him.

What's American Gun? American Gun is a movie about a kid who, he's a father. His daughter gets shot by a gun and he does the background of the gun. When's the next UFC you're coming to, man? Come to one of these. Well, I can't go to December 29th and then maybe one of the ones in January. Can you go to February? I miss them too, dog.

Can you go to February 4th? No. You can't go to that one? I gotta look. Aldo versus Frankie Edgar. Please, don't fucking remind me. And Alistair Overeem versus Bigfoot Silva. Please, don't fucking remind me.

Don't break my heart. Oh, shit, son. Las Vegas. Oh, please. Oh, Joey, go to that one because that's also the one we have the gig on Friday night. The gig on Friday night. And Mandalay Bay. I know that this guy booked me.

That one's good, Gitas. Fucker. Gitas. I just want to go To the fucking UFC dog Well come on man Let's do it Are you booked

I think I'm booked For the Irvine one But are you booked For that February weekend I don't know I gotta look I gotta look It's either the

Week of February Or the week before that I'm booked All you motherfuckers Have careers now This is very disappointing We have no fucking careers dog Ari Shafir is booked

Every goddamn weekend No we haven't He was supposed to come with me to Ohio. Remember that, Brian? We advertise him. Oh, I'm sorry. I got booked somewhere. Oh, he's booked? I got booked at Governor's. Yeah, he's just taking bookings over this, the motherfucker. He's going money.

No, no, no. He's taking money. Yeah, he needs to call his agent up and tell him he's already booked. We told the people on the internet, Ari Shaffir, you'd be coming to Columbus, Ohio. We need to fucking go there. Yeah, we're going to go to Governor's in London, whatever, whatever. Mumble, mumble, mumble. Find the weed.

Mumble, mumble, mumble. Powerful Ari Shaffir just released his set. He's going to release, rather, his second recording, whatever it is, DVD, CD. That was my old house, man. Remember that, Joey Diaz? Yeah. That was the early weed smoking days. That was like the first year of me smoking weed. That was my full house, man. Remember that, Joey Diaz? Yeah. That was the early weed smoking days. That was like the first year of me smoking weed.

That was my full gaming rig set up. See all that shit in the background? Yeah. I built that computer behind Joey's head. I put that motherfucker together myself. Did you? Yep. I built that thing from scratch.

Motherboard, add hard drives, whole deal. That's why I used to do that shit back then. I used to make my own gaming computers. Because if you made them, you understood it's you understood like – it's really not very hard. It's really pretty easy. You just follow instructions. All you have to do is just put the stuff in the right place and set the jumpers. Remember that, Brian?

Remember setting jumpers? Yeah. That was the most annoying shit ever. Yeah. We used to have tweezers. We used to have to pull these little plastic things out and stick them in the right slots. They had to be in the right slots for various reasons, right? Yeah.

Because it was like if you want – like certain things had to be on different frequencies. And then you had to flash your BIOS. Oh, Jesus Christ. What the fuck, Joe Diaz? You never did nothing like that, huh? No, I know nothing about this. He just got a website from GoDaddy.

I have a hard time changing a fucking flat tire. When are you doing, are you doing the Church of What's Happening Now on Ustream at all? No, I'm still on with the other guys. Stickcam? What are you on? Stickcam? Stickcam, yeah. I fixed it.

But I'm going to start doing a show live with them on Wednesdays in the Nerdist Studios. Oh, beautiful. So Wednesdays. So you're at the comic, it's a comic book store, right? Wednesday day, no, in the morning at 6 a.m. But they have a comic book store. Is that where they have it set up?

I hear the fucking stand-up is off the chain. Why don't you get a fucking night there, Red Band? At the... Nerdist Studios. I had the fucking one night there. Where?

At the Nerdist place? I hear every night there there's fucking 200 people watching comics. They tell me you can't even get parking spots down there in that bar alley because of the Nerdist Studios.

Well, you know... It's at the comic book store, Meltdown, right? Oh, yeah. I used to go there before Nerdist was there. It's small, though. 200 people?

But they have a back room. Right. Let's do a show next week after the end of the world at the Ice House. Ice House. Let's do something for the end of the year.

Next Wednesday? We good? Instead of calling New Year's... Is that Christmas or something? Next Wednesday? Is it Christmas? No, it's the 26th. I'll be out of town 26th to do it next Wednesday? We good? Instead of calling New Year's. Is that Christmas or something? Next Wednesday? Is it Christmas? No, it's the 26th. I'll be out of town 26th.

What is next Wednesday? Is it the 26th? Yeah. Yeah. I have a show in Brea with Doug Benson, I believe. Yeah, it is the 26th. Okay. Yeah, we can't do a show the day after Christmas.

We can do that Friday, though. That Friday. That Friday. That Friday. Nope. I'm gone. Where are you? I'm in Vegas.

Vegas. Vegas. Because Friday. That Friday. That Friday. Nope. I'm gone. Where are you? I'm in Vegas. Vegas. Because I'm home. Is this casino like a... What about Thursday? Thursday. What do you got Thursday? I don't know. I don't...

Let's do a powerful desk watch show Thursday night. All right. Well, either way, folks. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. We'll do one Wednesday or Thursday. We love you, motherfuckers. All right?

Merry Christmas. I love you guys. Thank you for motherfuckers. Is that right? Merry Christmas. I love you guys. Thank you for a great year. Thank you for all the love, you fucking savages. We love the fuck out of all of you. You have an Irvine show that night? Yeah, the 26th I'm with Doug Benson in Irvine Improv. And the 27th, which is Thursday, what do you got?

Nothing. Nothing. Oh, so Thursday's good for you. Thursday's good for you? Thursday or Friday. I already have Friday. I got Friday. Friday's Vegas. Vegas. Thursday's good for you? Thursday or Friday. I already have Friday. I got Friday. Friday's Vegas.

Vegas, man. So are you doing the show that Friday in Vegas? Not that weekend, man. Waiting until February. February rolls around. Got a lot of things happening, man. First week of February, if there is a world left, we're going to do the Mandalay Bay Convention Center. We'll do it in the big room where they do the weigh-in.

Shit. So it's like 3,000 people. Come on, man. I need some Joey Diaz in that show. You doing it? You committed? Motherfucker, commit. Who could possibly tell you to do something other than what you want to do? Do you have a calendar on your phone? I do have a calendar. Make some shit

happen. I never fill it in. Let me match numbers at least. I'll be at the San Manuel Casino tomorrow. Oh, come on, man. That's where the... That's a black show. Is that... Keep it together.

Where's San Manuel? Keep it together. It's fucking far, dog. Where's San Manuel? You gotta leave at like 4 in the afternoon. Is that like West Palms or... No, you gotta go early. Like 3 is sure.

That's like 7 hours. No way. It's where the drug mules stop to drop off at school. They got the whole fucking thing. There's a special meeting room in the bathroom at that casino. Talk like I was a drug. Come on, man. Listen.

Sam Manuel. Been down here in Nashville for a while and a lot of pretty girls. Love y'all. Ed Parker. Ed Parker taught me some karate. I'm a big believer in the arts. Oh, this doesn't look that bad. Down, down.

It doesn't look like that. What's important is that they show this old Indian dude. I feel protected. Why don't you guys show me some hot bitches that are also going to this casino? Why don't you show me an old Indian? There has to be a hot bitch right here. You don't have to show me a dream catcher.

This ain't a fucking Stephen King book. Show me some hot bitches. I get it. It indian casino i got it i get it you're not advertising the correct way old indians rarely get people to go visit them where you got that girl in the corner she's in a corner fucking hysterical barely find her cold hard cash yeah those um those uh those places are interesting. We used to go to – that's pretty girl. We used to go to a lot of those Indian casinos back in the day when mixed martial arts was illegal in California. Eddie Bravo and I used to drive out to see the King of the Cages and shit.

We used to go out. They were always in these – Oh, they have it. Look, that's funny. Right when you said it, it pulled up King of the Cages. Perfect. Look at that guy. Yeah.

Well, King of the Cages is a good uh i think that's tony lopez uh king of the cage is a good um what's the date january no that's not go back to king it was december 19th december 20th wait is that tomorrow what is that did that just i'm gonna be there the same time as king of Cades. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're fucked, dude. It's Thursday. Oh, no. No, no. That's Thursday. No. Wednesday.

December 20th. It said Wednesday. No. December 19th. December 19th. Wednesday. Oh, no. That's the weigh-in.

Oh, it's weigh-in. Ooh. Oh, okay. You lucked out there. Oh, man. Well, if you're going to King of Cades, you want to see the comedy stylings of me in a black room. Today's the 18th.

The weigh-in is Wednesday. The fight is Thursday. So when are you going to be there? You're going to be there Wednesday? So you're going to be there when they're grumpy. You're going to be there when they're cutting weight and all their teams are getting amped up and staring each other down. You're going down, bitch. You're going down, bitch.

Mike Epps is going to be there. A lot of good fighters are there, though. Mike Epps is there January 17th. He can't help you. He can't help me today. No, it's likepps is there January 17th He can't help you He can't help me today No it's like Like that fucking Lil Wayne video You know he can't save you

Fuck fest You know he can't save you Climax He can't save you Oh look the Ohio players In the real world In the real world He can't save you

Brian I wish you luck In your Your quest to make Black people laugh I suggest you not Do any of your racist jokes. No, I will not do. I only have one black joke.

It's barely racist. It's barely racist. I'm on your side, but I suggest you dance around that. Yeah. And start strong. You got to start strong. No slurring. No slurring.

No smoking weed before that. No Provojo. Maybe a little bit of that Provojo. You need to get yourself a doctor. I know. Powerful Joe Diaz, thank you very much for joining us, man. Love you, brother. I love the fucking shit out of you.

You're the best. You know we do it right. And we're going to have a good goddamn time this Friday at the end of the World Show. Thank you to audible.com. Go to audible.com forward slash Joe. Get yourself 30 days free and one free audio book. It's an amazing service. Service?

Amazing. I almost said surface then I realized what I was saying as I was saying it. It's an amazing service. I use it. I've used it for a while

and the book I'm reading from it right now is called Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan who will be on the podcast soon. We're going back and forth about this right now.

But I got a lot of people booked already, bitches. Shit is blowing up. I'm hooking you up with some fresh guests. Yeah, I talked to Tom Green. He wants to come back on. Powerful Tom Green. I want Tom Green on.

I was really impressed with Tom Green's special. I watched four comedy specials in a row, which I don't usually do. And Tom Green was the one that made me laugh. And I thought that was really awesome because Tom Green's only been doing stand-up for like five years I think yeah he hasn't really been doing it that long we had him on the on that podcast last night and he was saying that he he sold his whole entire studio he had a tv studio in his house yeah he sold the whole thing and just got rid of all his stuff so that's not there in his house anymore and he's now just thinking about coming back and doing a podcast now again uh but uh he's

just been focused on comedy yeah well you can tell you can tell if you see his last special it was really good i think he did it from australia i want to say he did it from australia i might not be right about that though but whatever it was it was really good i mean tom's uh and he's a great guy i would love to have him on and uh so that's it. Doug Stanhope will be joining us, you dirty bitches, on Saturday. That's depending on whether or not Saturday actually exists. Dun, dun, dun. But we got a lot of cool guests coming up, including Steve Volk, the author of Fringology. Steve Rinello is going to be on in January.

We're going to get to talk about my hunting trip with him. Successfulinello's gonna be on in January. We're gonna get to talk about my hunting trip with him. Successful. That's right. Brody, enjoy it. Successful. Hunter got meat. Positive energy. Go see Brody Stevens

anytime you can, and when you see him, give him a fucking hug for all of us, because we love the shit out of him. We gotta got to get Brian Holtzman on this podcast too. Can you make contact with him, Brian? I haven't seen him in a while. We're going to find him, folks. We're going to bring him to you.

All right. Follow Mad Flavor on Twitter. That is Joey Diaz's handle. I know it's not Joey Diaz. I know it's confusing. But if you put in Joey Diaz in the search engine, Mad Flavor is the first one

that shows up. You can do it, you fucks. Keep it together. Thank you to Onnit.com. Use the code name Rogan. That's O-N-N-I-T.com. Use the code name Rogan and save yourself. Have you seen this show yet, the Tim Ferriss' new show?

Oh, Tim Ferriss was on Meat Eater as well. Yeah, he's a meter. And look, he's on there wearing a Desquad shirt. Oh, that's awesome. He went on the Meat Eater wearing a Desquad shirt. That is the shit. What a cool guy Tim Ferriss is. I love that guy.

Check out the Sportsman channel. Him, if I could get him, Cara Maria, and Dave Asprey in the room all at one time, I really think that I could be smarter. I will rise. And Dennis McKenna, all of them together, talking together, I will absorb their energy and become smarter. Tim Ferriss is cool as fuck.

Thank you, Tim. Yeah, thanks, Tim. Yeah, and we'll have him on again fucking for sure, without a doubt. All right, folks. This is the last episode in the 300-episode series.

Yep. Thanks for playing along. Yeah, 300th episode. That's all we wanted. Syndication. Yeah, we hit syndication. Listen, we didn't start this thing off thinking it would ever become what it is now. We just started off for a goof, and three years later, here we are.

And we've had a great fucking time. We appreciate all you people that say nice things about it, that enjoy it, and say that it enhances your life. And it enhances ours too. We would never get to have, even though we have cool friends like Joey Diaz and Doug Stanhope and all these people, it's really hard to get all these people to sit down and talk with you for three hours at a time like this unless you're broadcasting it. Just the fact that it's going out to all you actually benefits us just as much as it benefits you. So we're all in this together, you fucks. All right?

Keep it together, and we'll see you on Saturday, or we'll see you Friday at the end of the world show. We'll see you Thursday. Oh, we'll see you Thursday at the improv. Oh, we might see you tonight. I don't know what the fuck you're doing. I might run into you out there, out in the wild. For reasons I can't fully explain myself.