The Joe Rogan Experience - #304 - Andrew Dice Clay

Episode Date: December 27, 2012

Joe sits down with Andrew Dice Clay.

Join my day Joe Rogan podcast my night, all day Yeah, no, I filmed this already. You say you were very happy with it. Really happy with it. But I really stayed on it from beginning to end. I had a concept that I wanted to do, as far as I'm concerned, the most like an ultimate rock and roll stand-up show to really bring excitement. Like you, you're very animated on stage. You're all over the place. You move.

You know, you can see there's life in you. You know, and that's like the one thing that always bothered me about comedians, that they don't know too much about performance art. Especially, you know, when the cameras are rolling. Everybody thinks they're great, and then the cameras turn on, and they stand like a fucking mummy. You know, so I really wanted to give a real edgy rock and roll special. And as you've met before, my sons, L.A. Rocks opens the show.

Eleanor Kerrigan, who opens my shows, is in the special, which you never even see an opening act in a one-hour special. And it's just from the second it starts to the second it ends, it's just exciting and it's fucking funny. And that's what I wanted to deliver. I wanted to give people something that, especially the way the world is today, the whole political correctness fucking shit, you know, and I wanted, I made sure there is nothing politically correct about this special.

You know, because, you know, when comics are being put on trial for telling, you know, a gay joke or a black joke and, you know, now the whole world, what do you think, you know, when TMZ stop and you go, what do you think of, you know, Tosh, you know, Daniel Tosh saying this? I go, it's a fucking joke. Isn't that the point? Aren't we allowed to comment on what goes on socially, you know, in the world? And since when is someone joking and being serious at the same time? Since when is that a real statement? When someone's saying something that's obviously ridiculous, they don't really mean that.

You're so stupid you can't interpret that? You know, why are we... And we're not running for office, we're comedians. And the idea is that when someone says something offensive that's a joke, the idea is that somehow it's the exact same thing as saying something offensive about a person, whether it's a racist thing or a gay thing, just for being cruel. Yeah, we're not in the street having an argument and calling somebody a name.

No, we're saying it for an effect. That's right. And it's an art form. Yeah, and people, you know, this is a time where people need to really laugh. You know, I really wanted the New Year's Eve spot because I also know, you know, especially because that hurricane happened on the East Coast

and I know a lot of people don't go out. It's house parties. Right. And I just want their stomachs to fucking hurt from the things

I'm saying on that stage. But listen, I saw you in Vegas. Me and Norton and Anthony. Red Band was with you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Red Band came.

Sam from Opie and Anthony's show. And we had the fucking best time. Because that's like, it's a rare treat for me to be able to go and just sit down and be an audience member. And enjoy it. Yes, at a great show. And now you're seeing somebody that won't hold back no matter where. Yeah.

You know, the first time I even did Vegas years ago for the comedy store, when the comedy store was at the Dunes, I got fired the second night for language. Is this you? Is this the new special? Yeah, this is the new special. I love it. Yeah, I wanted, you know, I didn't wear anything too intense as far as an outfit. I didn't want to go with the Elvis-y jackets.

I wanted it very street. I wanted the stage to look street. The show you put on in Vegas was fucking awesome. I really enjoyed the shit out of it. Well, that's why I prepared for this. I prepared for it in Vegas and around the country. But this past year, I did 28 weeks in Vegas. I just wanted it tight because as good as you think you might be when the cameras

are rolling, like I said, you are going to fuck up a little, you know, you know, like I was doing this one bit where I left out a whole chunk of the bit because I was so into like performing for the crowd that after the show was over, you know, the producers were like, you know, my wife, she goes, you left out this, this and this, you know, but that was the warm up show. Right, right. You know, and then the second show I came out to just annihilate the crowd and the crowd was, you know, it was bedlam.

It was as insane as I was, you you know it was very reminiscent of my first special as far as the audience reaction the energy yeah we did it in chicago i mean the band kicked ass i mean do you feel like you're having like a resurgence it's it's a complete resurgence you know i mean just by the response of the people you You know, years ago, you know, when I would say certain things with women, you know, it was the, oh, you know, that's wrong to say, you know. And today, when I, you know, when I tell them what piglets they've become

through the years, now they got their fists pumping in the air like, yeah, dice, dice. It's a different era, right? People are more accepting of fucked up shit now because of the internet. But also people have changed because a lot of what I talk about is sexual, you know, and women have changed. They're the ones that wrote the material, you know, that, you know, in this day and

age, you know, I had a call from a friend of mine that was with a girl, went out with her, thought she was a sweet girl. And, you know, they wound up call from a friend of mine that was with a girl, went out with her, thought she was a sweet girl, and you know, they wound up just doing everything imaginable to each other. And he tells me, so I call her the next day, you know, you know, to see how she's doing, you know, letting her know, like, it's not forgotten, like, I want to see you. And she goes, I'll call you right back, and she never even called me again, he said. He goes, I was the one night stand but that's how things have changed that they've become so aggressive you know that you can't go by the face

you can't go by oh she's got that girl next door look you know and the next thing you know she's a contortionist for you you know wrapping her feet around the back of her neck while you bang her you know what i mean that's what it is today that didn't exist before well you know what i didn't have one like that you know what i mean you know i haven't hit the contortionist thing but you know i i always thought a woman in the bedroom or you know in a subway wherever you might be banging her at the time you know a dressing room whatever a cab a car whatever you know an alley you know should be the kind of woman she wants to be like that she doesn't have to hold back because i always felt

like a lot of relationships you know like i'm married now for the third time and i feel a lot of relationships start you know splitting apart because people aren't honest at the beginning about what they like how they like to be you know years ago a woman wouldn't let you know, splitting apart because people aren't honest at the beginning about what they like, how they like to be. You know, years ago, a woman wouldn't let you know all these little things that might, you know, push her buttons. And sooner or later, she's doing it with some other guy because she's now afraid to tell you what she's about. And, you know, I would always let a woman know, just be the pig that you are, if I had to say it comedically. You know what I mean?

Be what you want to be. I don't judge that way. Yeah, I think slowly but surely everyone's going to just be what they want to be. Yeah, but when you're in a relationship and you don't start out that way, that's where the problems could arise. Yeah, and also people grow in different directions. You know, that happens too. One person will get freaky or the other person wants to settle down more. Well, you know what?

You know, I always say to a guy that's with a woman for a bunch of years in the audience, I go, what are you going to leave her? Just to fall in hate all over again? You know what I mean? Because it always starts out nice. You know what I mean? And then a couple of years later, it's that fucking-grubbing hoover all the way to plaintiff. Yeah.

That's how I, you know, so. Is it possible to break that chain? How do you break that chain? You know, we're doing good. You know? Me and my wife are doing good. Yeah, she seems happy. She's always smiling.

You're always smiling when you're with her? Yeah, she makes me happy. We make each other happy. Is it just a matter of getting the right combination, finding the right two humans? You know what it is? You really do have to search that out. And, you know, I'm not going to sit here and make like

we've never had an argument. I mean, she's Latin, you know. Right. You know, I mean, it gets crazy sometimes, but we always know that we're tight. That's what keeps you together. I mean, an argument happens with anybody. but you got to know that, you know, you got all these other things in the relationship that keep you together. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. If you just, but that's, you know, but

that's what I taught, you know, when I, when I'm on stage, it's a different side of me. It's, you know, it's, you know, an animal unleashed that when I'm on a stage, I could just have the freedom to say things the way I see it and paint these crazy, almost like pornographic comedic cartoons for people. And they laugh because they know they're doing it. You know what I mean? They know, you know, when you see a couple and you, you do, you know, we're similar in that thing. You say what you feel on stage. And whenever you see those couples that look at each other and laugh, those are the couples that go, how does he know?

How does he know what an animal I am? You know what I mean? How does he know this? But that's research. You go through life and you learn different things. Research. Yeah, it's got to be research. Yeah, absolutely.

Everything is research, really. I was with a contortionist recently, and I thought it would be amazing. I mean, I always picture it would be amazing, but she's always just really sore, and she always has a fucked up chin because her chin's always on the floor and shit. Really? Yeah, and I'm a chin guy. I don't like weak chins where it's just like, you know, and then when it's a nice chin but it's all, like, scratched up and rashy, it's not a chin guy. I don't like weak chins where it's just like, and then when it's a nice chin,

but it's all scratched up and rashy, it's not a good look. They use the bottom of their chin a lot? They're always on their chins. Yeah, that's interesting to me. I haven't hit that yet. Wow. We do any chin work?

There's no chin work in SX. What do you mean with the chin? Because when they do contortionists... Don't lie to me, Red Van. No, there are. There really are photos of people. I'm in a good mood. We're coming into the new year.

If you're just fucking around with me, I'm going to get angry. 100%. Like a lot of times like. Pull the photo up, bro. Pull the photo for them. Photo of the chins? Yeah. Let's say they're doing that on their chin.

Oh, OK. How would you even have that here? She works. I better not say where she works. But she would always be in a bent position where her face is always on the ground. And her feet go all the way over the back of her head. Her feet go around her like this. So she's sitting there like that.

Whenever she's doing contortion, she's always on her chin here. I'll show you some photos if you look at the TV right there. Let's see this now. What is she in the circus show? See like this right here, this kind of stuff where she has her chin right there. Let's see this now. What is she in the circus show? See this right here? This kind of stuff where she has her chin right here. This is a girl that you know? This is not her. This girl's seven.

What's that? I got bad eyes. I can't be showing seven-year-old. This is a woman. This is that woman. See that woman's legs? See how her chin's on the ground? You never think about it, but contortionists This is a woman. This is a woman. Oh, okay. This is that woman. See that woman's legs? Look at what she's doing. See how her chin's on the ground?

Well, you never think about it, but contortionists always have their faces on the ground. Well, you'll think about it if you're stepping on her head and you're in there. You know what I mean? That's no good. That is a weird position to put your body. Yeah. You know, that's a weird – that's not a position I could get into, I don't think. And then in sex, you just don't think about it.

Like, yeah, their legs bend really far back when you're putting them up above your legs but you're not going like alright now can you bend this backwards I just want to make it a meatball or so you don't do stretching exercises with your chick before you begin no I don't it's easy that that's it's probably better than a chick with a hamstring pull yeah yeah yeah it's like yeah if it was the opposite like how don't pull my leg how you better off for the contortionist that's funny to me oh yeah Like, ow, don't pull my leg. Ow! It's just funny that you have those pictures up there. That's funny to me. Oh, yeah.

See, he looks like a nice guy, right? He looks like a nice guy. No, but I'm saying he looks like a regular nice guy. But look what he's into. Well, he just gave it a shot. In his defense, he didn't necessarily say he was into it. Oh, you're not into it? No, I'm not into it.

You got a girlfriend right now? Sure, yeah. A couple, no. Yes. Nothing steady. Yeah, I have a steady, yeah, two. What does that even mean? It means he's retarded.

If you didn't know that by now. What are you going through right now? What you just went, this is called a web. A web. You got caught in the spider web. The spider web of retardation. And it sticks to you. I'm dating.

And you're like, oh my God, I'm in this conversation and I can't get out. What the fuck did I do? Why did I engage him? And you're trying to pull yourself from the white struggle. Yeah, no, but I like him.

But now, you know, we're into something. And you don't know why you're invested in this. You know, but what happened? I'm just dating. That's, I guess, the easiest way to say it.

Dating? Yeah. Guys should say dating. He's really trying to, you know... And I like you. You know, should say dating. He's trying to, you know... And I like you. I'm not starting with you. I'm dating now. That's what a girl says after she broke up with a guy

after six months. Well, I'm starting to date. Yeah. You see what I mean? Yeah, I know. I'm just trying not to jump right into a relationship. You know, you're on a very cool podcast here. You can't use expressions like that. Yeah. Yeah, you can't do that, man. You know, and I like you. We're friends. What am I supposed to say?

You know, I'm banging a few of them out right now. I'm not committed. Just to fit the show, you know what I mean? I'm not completely committed over here. You know, I throw a load this way. I splooged all over this one before I came to work just for a goof. You know what I mean? Things like that.

It fits the show. Brian, you gotta realize you're never gonna go back to being... You know, I mean? Things like that. It fits the show. Brian, you've got to realize you're never going to go back to being... This is a podcast. That's the beauty of this. You can say what you want. Yeah, you're never going to go back to being an accountant again. This will never haunt you. Was he an accountant?

No. He used to sell computers. He's a good guy. He's a very good guy. He's got to hit it up a little. He's a mess. Is he? He's a mess.

Well, you're with him a lot, so you know. He's a great guy. But a mess in the... No doubt that he's a very good guy. Well, you know, he's got to hit that up a little. He's a mess. Is he? He's a mess. Well, you're with him a lot, so you know. He's a great guy. But a mess in the... No doubt that he's a great guy. I'm just saying... Mess in a good way. Like, what's going on? I mean, out of one side of his mouth, he's saying I'm dating...

All right, I'm pink-socking Asians. I'm making them pee a little. All right, but what I'm saying is... What are you doing? Out of one side of your mouth, you're talking about dating, and on the other side, you're showing girls twisting themselves into pretzels. But that wasn't really a sexual thing. No, no, but it can be, is what he's saying.

That's what he's saying. What happened? Brian, you just retarded yourself out. Now you're caught in your own web. Your own web has wrapped you up. All right, we'll leave him alone. He's in his defense. He has a very unusual dating situation. Seems

to be working out. And he doesn't want to talk about it on the air. Exactly. So what do you want to talk about then? We want to talk about you, man. We want to talk about you. We are. I try not to be so crazy with myself. I really try to stay

grounded in what I do because it does feel a little crazy right now with what's going on like you said about a resurgence yeah and well you seem real excited about comedy again too like you know what it is i've watched a lot of the specials and when i spoke to showtime about this you know i had a couple rules because you know I even told my director Scott Montoya I said look you know you're going to go through something now this isn't going to be like the other specials you've done you're going to

you know your hair is going to change color because of this you're going to go through it with me now you're going to be a different man when you come through this and what was funny is he when we were going to do the special, he spoke to Joe Diaz, you know, and he goes, you know, he told me, you

know, he goes to Diaz, he goes, you know, I'm thinking of doing a special with Dice. What do you think? And he goes, well, I think he's great, but you're going to go through it. You know, you know, he's crazy when it comes to these things. And I am. Because all the way from the performance to the editing, I want it to be perfect. I want people like in a capsule. Because I really don't want to do any more specials. Like I'm going to do The Road now. I'm just finishing up a deal with The Hard Rock in Vegas, a long-term deal. And I want to do what I do on the road now.

What are you going to do at the Hard Rocks? Same thing you were doing at the RIV? Yeah. Doing monthly shows? Yeah, I'm going to do like two weeks at a clip and go into, what's the name? Vinyl. It's a rock club. You know, and like I said, I base my act on rock and roll, so I like a certain setting.

You know, it's not that big of a room. I was just there. I was just in Vegas two weeks ago. It's great. The new Hard Rock is great. Well, I just love it. You know, with what I do in that hotel, it really fits. Yeah.

And, you know, Vegas is somewhere I like to be a lot. So, you know, on the road, you know what it is. You go into a couple thousand seats. It's one time a year. But Vegas, I like doing, like, 20 weeks, on the road, you know what it is. You go into a couple thousand seats. It's one time a year. But Vegas, I like doing like 20 weeks, 24 weeks a year. And, you know, me and my wife just go nuts there. We have a great time. And, you know, it's like a home away from home.

Right. Why did you choose Vegas to work out your shows? Why did you decide to do it that way and not do it in L.A.? Well, I was doing clubs around the country, you know, so I did that. You know, I did, you know, like the Governor's, all those clubs. You know, but Vegas was like a steady thing. It almost became like my comedy store. You know, I was at the Las Vegas Hilton for a while working on it,

and then we went to Riv before the Hilton, and then we went back to the Riv. Because I was never into the room at the Hilton to start with, but, you know, I have investors in the show, and, you know, we tried it. But the RIV was a great room to really just work it out, do as long a set as I want, and really just make everything tight and develop the material with an audience that's coming to see me. So when you have the people that are paying to come see you, you know if the material is good because that's the fans now. When you go on places like the Comedy Store, you're going to get those people that look at you and go, what did he just say? I want to leave now. Right.

And I didn't want to deal with that. I want the real audiences. I thought that was a brilliant idea to do it at the Riv for that reason, that you would get all your people there. But also because the place has so much fucking history. Well, yeah. It's such a crazy hotel. Think of the people that performed there. You know, from Sinatra to Sammy Davis to, you know, comics like Milton Berle and, you know, Jack Benny.

You know, who personally I wasn't ever even fucking into, because like I say, I was never that much into stand-ups. But when you're on a stage that Sinatra was on, I did a lot of rooms like that in Vegas. I did, before they knocked it, what was it? The Stardust. I did the Stardust for a few years. And that was one of the best stages,

because that stage, you had the stage that you're on like this and then it had, what's it called, like a runway that went right through the entire audience. And they don't build stages like that anymore. So I was lucky enough to play some of those. Bally's Hotel I did for 13 years. Isn't it crazy with those old Vegas hotels that when they're done with them, they explode them? It's crazy because, you know, I think, you know, I know a lot what goes on in Vegas. And, like, these people that just bought the Sahara want to make it, like, more of a boutique hotel again.

You know, for high rollers, not a lot of kids. You know, not a thousand floors up, you know, a smaller place where people really feel that old school Vegas feel. Right. And I also think Vegas is really becoming a place for comedy. Not just comedy, for live entertainment. Because of recession, you know, when people come to Vegas,

if they're gonna go to a show, they want to see somebody familiar to them. Right. You know, so that's why a lot of comics are moving there. You know, and that's why a lot of you know, you see people like Cher performing there. I just saw Guns N' Roses there. You know, it's that type of place now they want to see people that that they're fans of. They don't want to see just a bunch of midgets on bungee cords jumping around to the Beatles music. You could probably do a weekly show in Vegas and never have to travel anywhere and just make people travel to you. Yeah, but I want a tour. I want a tour. I owe it to myself.

I owe it to the fans that have been with me all these years. I'm doing this a long time. So I really want to do that big tour again. And I don't know how the kind of rooms I'll do yet, but just on things that are on sale already, they're going through the roof. And the special has an ad, but people know it's coming. Ever since I did Entourage, I have this whole new audience,

and I'll always get that. When where can I see a comedy special? You're doing a comedy special. So I really prepared for it. I really took it serious. You know, when I see guys preparing for specials, but just fucking around on stage, that bothers me. I'm like, they all want to be superstars. They all want to fill, you know, the Staples Center. But nobody's putting in the work to do that yeah you know and i know you're a hard worker that's why i feel free to tell you this stuff and i know you give everything you got on stage i mean you know when you know it's funny when i was coming up you weren't around right so you know you had you had myself

you had sam kennison who was screaming his head off and then one night i walk into the store and i'm like i'm seeing you know just style wise almost a blend of kennison and me coming through you but even more intense when you would scream it that's why i love them i'm going who the fuck is this that the night I came in, you were about, you know, you were deciding in your head. I could tell if you wanted to just smash this guy's skull in. And I'm going, now that's funny. You know what I mean? Because nobody came along since, you know, like I did an album called The Day the Laughter Died because Rick Rubin, who produced five of my albums, you know, he did like, you know, he like, he was the one that brought rap to the scene.

He's the one that brought the Black Crows and, you know, bands like that. I mean, he produced, you know, Rolling Stone albums, you know, and he said to me, you know, in the early 90s, he'd go, you're the end of comedy. There's nowhere to go after this. And then here's this maniac on stage. I mean, I came in in the middle of your act, so I had to watch to see where you were, because you would just, you know, this has got to be 15 years ago, maybe even more.

And so you were so young, and just your face was beet red. And I'm going, I know this this guy I didn't know your name because I just came walking in from the front door I go he's gonna kill this guy in the third row and I don't know what over it's a comedy show but that's the shit that makes me laugh and then one night Eleanor this is not even that long ago, I was destroying somebody in the original room at the Comedy Store. And that's when you came up with, I love Dice mean. And she told it to me. I go, does he really? She goes, he just loves you.

And he loves when you get angry because he knows you're really getting angry. It was one of my favorite things at the Comedy Store to be in the back. We'd be in the back talking and someone would yell out in the hallway Dice got a heckler. It's like he had a fish on. You know it's like we got a tuna. You know and we would all run in in the back and just watch you just eviscerate people. When you would get really mean with people, look at you. Because I would really see, see I'm not fake on stage and I'm emotional so if I'm doing like a great bit that I know is great and in the

middle of it you know I hear a guy yelling out little Bo Peep I'm gonna get angry at that person yes you know and you know it's not even about heckling that person it's about knowing I've mentally hurt him for years to come. But it was still with great timing and comedy skill. It was still very funny. Of course, you've got to stay with it. But it's like you really want to hurt the person mentally. You want to crush them.

You know what I mean? Now it's at the level where we throw people out. Yeah. Which, first I'll have the heckle fight. Well, you did that in Vegas. You threw a guy out, the guy in the front row. Two minutes into the show, the guy was so drunk, he couldn't even communicate with you.

You're like, this is not going to work. Yeah, and I can't deal with that. It's like, why that drunk? I had a guy, I was at Governor's a few months ago. Do you remember this, Valerie, with the blind guy? Yeah. Okay, so this guy is just drunk and he's wearing dark sunglasses. He's looking like a Dice clone, you know. That guy's got to be, you know, 50, you know,

or in his 40s, whatever. So I'm going back and forth with him a little bit. You know, I figure I'll always give a person a chance. Right. But the guy, now I get back into the act and he starts in some more. So you know, you got pretty tough bounces there. You know, and I go, do me a favor,

get rid of this fucking asshole of a human being. You know what I mean? Just throw him the fuck out. So now after the show, Don Jameson was opening for me that night and he would sell his t-shirts at the front of the club, you know. So he comes to the dressing room and he would sell us T-shirts at the front of the club. So he comes to the dressing room and he goes, "'You just missed the greatest thing I ever saw in comedy.'"

And I go, why, what happened? He goes, you know the guy you threw out? It took, number one, four bounces, he had like retarded strength. He goes, but he was blind. And he was swinging his stick at them. He ran, he tried to run and he was swinging his stick at them. He ran. He tried to run and he smashed right into a wall and he turned around and he was fighting these guys and he was winning.

You know, going, he's coming back in the room. He's going to kick Dice's ass. I mean, that's what a comedy show is today. Who's going to kick somebody's ass? And I'm going, how the fuck did I know he's blind? You know what I mean? The guy, you know, I've had guys come to my show wearing the glasses and the fingerless gloves.

How am I going to know the guy's blind? You know, and they're dragging him out of the room. He was starting to fight them on the way out of the room, you know, which is entertaining to me. You know, this way I get to laugh a little, you know what I mean? Why should the audience always be the one to have a good laugh?

Who's going to make me fucking laugh? So when Don told me the story of the blind guy, I really was laughing. It was very enjoyable. But the other side of me was I wouldn't have thrown the guy out if I knew he was blind. How do you do that? It's like kicking a cripple

out of that wheelchair. So was he heckling? Yeah it was it was drunk and it was you know it wasn't coherent stuff and i'm going okay asshole face you know which is uh one of my newest like heckle lines where you know if a guy's a real asshole i'll tag him with that name and I'll keep going, asshole face. And then I start getting angry and I go, I'm not saying you're an asshole. I go, I know you've been called that a thousand times in your life because of the kind of person you are. What I'm saying

to you is I think you have a face that resembles a fucking asshole. And that's what I truly think of you. That's some shit that you wake up in the middle of the night when you go to take a leak no i'll tell you what happens mentally when you say no no this is what happens with that see let's say it's a guy in vegas with his friends hey asshole face you know right so those friends that are with him now these buddies of 20 years you

know that night they're going, come on, asshole face, let's go have a drink. And it's funny the next day even, maybe even a week later. But three years later when they're calling your house and the kids are picking up the phone, they're going, yeah, put asshole face on the phone. That's when the guy's going, why did I ever say a fucking word at that show? Because now forever he's asshole face. That's a multi-tiered solution i like how you

played that out but i really think about that stuff i go what would hurt in the long run right that's like some humbling chess shit right yeah like if you call i've heard you call people assholes on stage oh yeah hey you're a fucking asshole right they don't even hear it because they've been caught but to but to tag them and let them know they have a face that resembles an asshole. Even if they don't, just give them that doubt. Well, no. You know, normally the ones I pick out have it. You know what I mean?

I really look for a guy that has – I don't want to give a guy a name that doesn't fit him. You know what I mean? So he sort of has to have a face that resembles – That's Heckler Herpes is what that's called. Yeah. It just keeps coming back to fucking haunt you because that's heckler herpes is what that's called yeah it just keeps coming back haunt you because that's the fan i don't that was another time you know it's a you know max was with me and um this you know this guy was fucking with eleanor on stage and his girlfriend i think or his

wife so i come on stage and the minute he opened his mouth, I'm like, throw this motherfucker out. Oh, no, I wasn't on stage. And what happened was, I start yelling at the promoters of the show. I go, get that fucking guy out of the room. If he's bad with her, he's not even going to let me get started. But

it wasn't good enough for me that they threw him out. I come out the back door. I'm going to fight the guy. While the show's going on? Well, Eleanor's still on stage, so I figured there's a little time. And my wife was yelling- Is that your phone? Is it my phone?

What the fuck with these things? I don't know how they work. I think you, unfortunately, I think you've also told that story before. It's Happy Face. Oh, it's Happy Face? Yeah, yeah. And wait, let me check before. It's Happy Face. Oh, it's Happy Face? Yeah, yeah. And wait, let me check this. Who's Happy Face?

He's with me for like 25 years already. Oh. He does security for me. He's into what you're into, you know, with the fight. He's got, you know, martial arts schools on the East Coast. And his name's Happy Face? Well, his name's Mike Melandra you know but it's happy face everybody calls him happy yeah yeah and you know because i'll always like try to smile at a guy

when he's throwing him out and you know he's you know he's a pretty deadly guy and that's what i love about him being happy face i mean it's a great name well he got his job with me you know i fucking love that name happy face Face is a great fucking name. And that's a Happy West also. Happy West is not as good. Happy West got fucked. Happy Face came first. Well, Happy Face is with me like 25 years.

And the way he got his job was I would work out in a gym, in a Gold's gym in Jersey. And we would just start talking. And, you know, then we would work out a little together and he's, he's, Happyface is about 5'7", you know, but he's not that big, you know, but he would talk about his martial arts school, how his father taught him. They both had the school, you know, and he, you know, like, you know, like a father like son, he followed in his footsteps. So he's standing between the two owners of the gym, which were animals. These guys were like, you know, the type that benched 350, 100 times.

You know, they were big guys. So I said, happy face. I go, you know, with my shows, I don't like, you know, we were talking about him like working for me because I had club soda Kenny, who's like 6'5", big, you know. And I said, so I looked at happy face like he's the sniper you know they'd never see him coming i go but we don't like to hurt anybody i go so what i'm gonna do i'm gonna try to get past you and you gotta stop me without hurting me and this guy put me down my ass didn't even touch the ground that's how fast he moved. But at first he's going, I don't want to touch you.

He goes, I came to the Meadowlands to see you. You know? He goes, I can't. I go, well, that's the aim. You can't hurt me. That's it. And he did this move, this move on me that just put me right down. See, the problem is he can always hurt you. If you're resisting, you get hurt just scrambling.

That's right. But he put me down, and that night he was working for me. Yeah? And that was the beginning of Happy Face. That's a nice name. I like it. Yeah, and I love his temper when he gets mad. It's a lot of fun to make him get angry.

You know, it's funny talking about, like... Because he didn't like the name Mike the Murderer, so that's why it went to Happy Face. That was his first name? Well, yeah, he starts screaming about that. Don't call me that. You know, it's a touchy situation, you know. You know what I'm going?

It's just a name. He goes, but don't call me that, you know. Yeah, people don't want to be called murderers. No, but he's Happy Face for 25 years, so he's happy about it. That's why he's calling me. The Comedy Store was always the worst place in the world for heckling because there was no crowd control whatsoever. Nothing. Nothing. You would think like when I when I lived in Boston and we were at Stitches. Stitches is when that's where I did my first open mic and I had been really inspired by you really inspired by Kennison and a few other guys and i was i was really like looking forward to to doing some

you know trying to do some stand-up comedy and you think back then like what the what the face of comedy was like and what it's like now yes it's all like blank to me right now and i'm not pissing on it but i don't find find, you know, I'll flip around the channels, just see if somebody's on, start watching for a few minutes. But like I say, these guys don't put a lot into their, um, there's nobody developing

a persona. And those are the kind, you might not realize it, but you have a persona. You know what I mean? People come to see Joe Rogan, they know what they're getting. But there aren't too too many guys it's almost like like like white bread you know there's there's no persona up there so even if the material's decent you know a lot of material's been done a lot of guys cover the same subjects i'd rather see a guy that's more entertaining that i could go do you fucking believe what he's doing up there? Right. That's the kind of act I like to see.

When we were in Boston and we were starting out and we were, like, looking at the face of comedy, the comedy store was always Mecca. That was always, like, that fucking place where you'd make the pilgrimage and everybody would go see the stage where you performed and Kennison performed and Richard Pryor and Letterman.

But when I got there, and when I got there, I forget who was on stage. It was some road hack. The place was half full and some guy's yelling out shit in the back of the room and no one's kicking him out. Nobody. And this was like my first experience at the comic store. Because the bodyguards there, the doormen are comics. Nobody wants to get into it. Only Harris Peet. Harris Peet would get down.

Harris Peet would get down. He would throw dudes out. I once saw Tony Danza knock him out. Oh, really? Yeah, because you know how condescending Harris could be. Tony Danza was a very good boxer. And Tony Danza just wanted to come in. Nicest could be. I don't know if you know him,

but he's just this friendly guy that could kick ass. And Harris gave him a hard time, and he put his hands on him. You can't just walk in. And he just gave him one shot, and he went flying down the stairs. Really funny. Really enjoyable. Harris is such an angry guy. For whatever reason, he's such an angry guy.

It took me years to get even the tiniest compliment from that guy. Yeah, that's how – I couldn't believe he worked there. Yeah, he just like left the world. He like just got on his motorcycle. But I do have to say, when the guy gave you props, it meant something. Yeah, for some reason it did. Yeah, it meant something.

But why? He held it back. Well, it would like him to be a little bit more fair with them, you know, with his props. No, but I'm saying why, you know, it's like getting a compliment from him was like getting one from Mitzi for some reason. Yeah, it was cool. But you know what it is? Because he was always there and he saw everybody perform.

That's true too. You know. He knew whether or not to be impressed with you or whether or not you were just bullshit in the crowd. But he was also just negative. But also the Comedy Store, why I think somebody like you would like it, and myself,

was that was the bad boy comedy club. It still is. Yeah. You know, it's like you say, it's a free-for-all. You go over to the Improv, which is a great club, but everything is run.

Like, at the Comedy Store, nobody even knows who's running things anymore. It's madness. And it was more madness then than it is now. It really was. I think it's probably way better managed now than it was back in the early days. But, man. It was insane.

But when I came along, you know, it was 94. That's when I first started performing there. And I just, I was blown away. But it was like, the place was like crackling. It's like the magic of all those sets was like in the walls. And with the store you ever notice you could go there some nights you know those sunday monday nights and it's as fun as could be and crazy and then there were certain nights when you come there like that

and just the vibe is bad just the wrong combination of people yeah just like that you go, you know what? I'm getting out of here. It's just that bad fucking vibe. And then just other nights, just insane great. Yeah, it's an amazing club. You know, just the history. Yeah, I still love it. I still love going there.

I still love going on the stage. Yeah, I can't go back because of the falling out that I had with them. Oh, I didn't know about that. The Mencia issue. You didn't know about that? Oh, but you're not allowed back because of that? I never went back. I never would go back because of the falling out that I had with them. Oh, I didn't know about that. The Mencia issue. You didn't know about that? Oh, but you're not allowed back because of that?

I never went back. I never would go back. When they banned me for that, I'm like, you guys are out of your fucking mind. Yeah, but if you weren't banned, then you wouldn't be a comedy store man. I got banned before that. Mitzi banned me once for my J. Howard Marshall joke. I had this joke about the old dude that fucked in Nicole Smith.

It was one of my favorite jokes. It was a great joke. She hated it. It was just about, you know, that everyone was saying oh, it's so sad to watch this poor old man, you know, and like, he's getting robbed and this woman's just here for his money, and I'm like, don't you think he knows?

The guy was 90 years old, he made a billion dollars from scratch you know chances are he's a tad crafty like how do you want him to die and then it was this whole death scenario like on and then you go off making her do a bunch of dirty shit i love the bit but it was a lot it was about old people she did not like it i think she banned me once for that she banned me once or something else too but a little tiny yeah i've been banned from there for that. She banned me once for something else, too. But we were like little tiny, tiny bans. Yeah, I've been banned from there. My kids were even banned from there. I had a thing with Paulie years ago.

Like, when I first broke up with my wife, you know, I'd always bring my kids to the comedy store at night. And, you know, Eleanor would hang with them, you know. So one night, you know, I mean, Dylan, who's now 18, you know, was only 11, you know. And, you know, I'm seeing Paulie in the comedy. Paulie had a hamburger joint when he was 12 years old at the Westwood Comedy Store. So I know Paulie growing up since he's that age. So he goes, how many times I got to tell you, don't bring your fucking kid in here. You know, and I was like, Paulie said that like that.

But he was standing there. My kid was there. So I go, Dylan, I forgot like that but he was standing there my kid was there so i go dylan i forgot i think he was with steve simone i go steve take him outside you know i go you know like i was gonna have to hurt him at that moment you know but i didn't you know but i i got in his i didn't get physical you know you can't do that stuff but paulie told his mother that i threw a glass at him. So she banned me and the kids. You know, my kids were banned at 11 and 15 from the comic, which is so great. I go, and my son Max loved it because he understood it.

He was old enough to understand it. And then one night Mitzi comes in and Eleanor's sitting with her and saying, no, no, that's not what happened. I was right in the kitchen when it happened. He didn't throw a glass at Paulie. She goes, if anything, he would have caved his skull in. You know, he just threw the glass in the garbage on his way out. And she, you know, her voice, she's going, well, I knew that Andrew wouldn't do something like that. You know, he wouldn't go to that level.

Yeah, you wouldn't throw a glass. No, I would never. I would never. You know, that's not what I'd do. I could see you hitting somebody. Yeah, well, you know, but I can't hit somebody unless they, you know, try to hurt me. You know, it was more like I just laid into him for it. And on the way out of the kitchen, the back door, I threw my glass and it broke on the wall, you know, near the garbage can there.

But Paulie was out in the hallway. He was nowhere near it. But it was, you know, we made up. Of course, we're friends today. And, you know, we laugh about all the nonsense. But, you know, it's just a crazy place. I mean, sometimes to end the show, you would have loved this. You weren't even out there yet. This is like, I'm talking like 86, 87.

So me and Kennison would be the last acts of the night every night. She'd put us on back to back. And it was either he went on first or i went on first and like to end the show sometimes if he'd go on first you know i'd be on stage and you know once he'd get bored with it he'd throw a chair at me on stage and then the whole fight would happen on the stage where carl lebeau would jump and you would just see who's ever in the audience because the audience is tourists. They don't know what's going on. They don't know, you know, I'm falling over the front tables,

knocking people over, and people are just running out of the place. Like, what the fuck is this? Like, all hell breaks loose. There were so many great fake fights at the comedy store because that's the one thing comics love to do. We love being children.

Don Barris. Don Barris is, like, the king of that shit. I was talking to him last night about you. thing comics left to do. We love being children. Don Barris. Don Barris is like the king of that shit. I was talking to him last night about you. He loves you to death. And he's like, you should bring up how he used to, did he used to go on the road with you? Oh, I would have Don, I would put Don in, whatever I was in, I would put him in.

Like we wound up doing this crazy Frank Stallone movie in Ixtapa, you know, Mexico. And we were stuck there for like five weeks. And, of course, I made Don do like Alfred Hitchcock in the movie. There was no call for Alfred Hitchcock, but I talked the producers into it, you know. And that's where he actually hurt his foot. You know how he's got like a bad foot? Yeah. He hurt his foot?

Well, what happened with Don, he always wants to fight me. You know, so one day, you know, he starts in with me on the set, and it's all these Mexican crew members that don't even understand English, and he puts his foot like there was a hole in the ground, and he wouldn't go to the hospital after to fix it. You know, so to this day, like he just moves the wrong way, and he's crippled. You know, he just falls down.

And it was funny, what happened was, I went back to Madison Square Garden in 2000, and it was Don's job at the time to come there, he really wanted to see it with my wife and my sons. So he was the problem on the plane because what happened was he's walking down an aisle and the foot goes. And he's, you know, Don's emotional, you know. So he's screaming, laying on the floor in the plane and scaring the entire flight. And then they get him into a chair and the foot felt better. You know, the cops were at the airport to question him.

And I go, your job was to just bring them here. That was the gift. You get to fly for nothing and get a hotel room, bring them in and you cause a problem on the fucking airline. But that's Don. You know, that's who he is. Do you think he was just practical joking with you?

No. He does that shit all the time where he's like laying at Norm's. No, no. I'm going, ah! No, it really goes. His foot really goes. Is it a broken foot? Is it a ligament?

I'm sure he like chipped something in his ankle and he just wouldn't go to the house he goes what are they gonna do to me here you know he turns into this baby you know oh yeah and he would do the road with me you know and i had when he would do the road with i would just take him with me when he would do the road i had uh at that time i had eddie griffin with me i had yeah so eddie griffin was like the real opener, you know. And so what would happen is I'd give Don ten minutes right up front. So we'd be on a big, you know, tour bus traveling the country. And one time he's on the bus and he's like, you know how he gets down on himself?

You know, like almost like that he's not crying with tears. But I'm going, well, it's because the crowd doesn't respond the way he wants you know right because he would come out singing uh tie a yellow ribbon you know you know with the with the music over it and get the crowd clapping and so now the song ends and then he goes into another one he'll go into into, like, Copacabana. So now he's on the bus complaining about it. I go, Don, it's your 10 minutes. After they get the joke of who you are, that you're this fucking goofball, well, now where are the jokes?

You know, and he would go, well, you know, I went into the other song. I go, they don't want to hear another. You already did the bit. You had them clap. Now they got to clap to Barry Manilow singing singing you know, Copacabana. Who gives a fuck? You know what I mean? Nobody gives a fuck. You create the character. You're this

fucking big goofball and now give him jokes. But we had a lot of fun and then there would be another rumble on the bus. Now it's him jumping on me and trying to kill me on the bus. Yeah, his life is constant theater with that guy. Constant theater.

That's who I hang out with every single day from midnight to about 4 a.m. Really? John Barron? Yeah. That's funny. And, you know, it was hysterical with the movie we did in Ixtapa. They wanted me to stay and film for longer than I wanted to be there. And I'm going, I've got to get out of here.

I've got gigs I've got to do. So they promised me a lot of money in cash. And Don, through the whole shoot, is going, they're never giving it to you. You've got to get it now. I go, Don, they're going to pay me. We made a deal. That's it.

And it was a crazy set. I never went through anything like this in a film ever, what went on in those five weeks. So he's going, you know, through the five weeks I've got to hear how they're not going to pay me. He's just on me. And of course

they give me the money and Don had to tape it up all over my body like that movie Midnight Express. Did you really? Yeah, because, you know, it was a part of Mexico that we actually thought that the director was going to have me stopped at the airport, you know. So, you know, we're thinking, all right, how am I going to, because you're not allowed

more than like $10,000 in cash. Right. And this was a lot of money. So he was taping it with this paper tape to my chest, to my thighs, that when I got home, and when we're going through the airport, I'm going, they're gonna stop me. I'm gonna be in jail, and whoever stops me is gonna be rich.

You know, it's that simple. But they didn't stop us, and now I get home, and I take off my shirt, and my wife sees all this money taped to my chest. And she's going, what is that? You know, and I'm going, no, they paid me. You know, that's how they pay you in Mexico. You know, but Dom was just so sure they're not paying me for them. It was just crazy.

It was I wouldn't eat. We only had one meal a day because everybody on the set was getting sick you know everybody was going to the hospital and and all we had every day was um we went to the same restaurant about four o'clock every day we had pasta with sauce garlic bread and coca-cola with purified ice and we wouldn't eat until the next day at the same time because we figured we'd make it the middle of the day because we're only getting that one meal. We're not eating any of the food there. Wow.

Yeah, and he lost like 30 pounds. He's going, I got to eat something. He's going, this is ridiculous that we're not eating food. I go, but everybody's falling at the wayside. What are we going to do? We got no choice. This is survival, my friend. Those B-movie sets can be very fucking sketchy.

And it was for a long time. It was five weeks of the same food. In Mexico. I could do that. I could eat the same thing every single day. But you want it like twice a day, but the restaurant would close like 9 at night. So we'd have to wait until the next day at 4 o'clock to have the next meal. Wow.

So it was just bottled water, you know, and that was it. Bottled water and pasta once a day. What's the name of this movie? It was called The Good Life. It never came out. Ah, man. You know, and I always talk to Frank Stallone. He always says he should release pieces

of it on the internet. It was the craziest thing. I wanted it to be a comedy. Frank Stallone wanted it to be a drama. Because I would tell the producers, I'd go, it's really a funny movie.

And comedy sells. So when Frank would do a scene, he'd come over to the director and go, you know, it's really a funny movie. You know, and comedy sells. Right. So when Frank would do a scene, he'd come over to the director and go, you know, how was that? And he goes, well, it was very dramatic. You know? And he's going, well, it's supposed to be a drama. And he goes, well, I think it should be funnier.

And he goes, but the movie's a fucking drama. Like, so he was flipping out. We had a big fight over that movie. But the producers now wanted it to just be like a comedy. Dennis Hopper's in it. It was supposed to be. You know what it was supposed to be? It was supposed to be Goodfellas on a golf course.

So Dennis Hopper, you. Dennis Hopper was in it. Who else was in it? But it was filmed really. Marina Anderson, Eric Betts. Can you find it anywhere? Is it online? It's on IMDB, but it doesn't.

Yeah, it's not online. But no one put it online? David Carradine was in it anywhere? Is it online? It's on IMDB, but it's not online. But no one put it online? David Carradine was in it too? Yeah. A lot of people were in it. Beverly D'Angelo. Sylvester Stallone is in it. Yeah.

That's hilarious. They never made it? You should just sell that shit to Netflix or something like that. Well, it's not my movie to sell, but it just wound up the whole time in Ixtapa was drama. But the movie's hysterical. Yeah, those B-movie sets. I've only been on one, well, two B-movie sets. But you know what happened?

We had a good director at the beginning. And then the producer, who was an attorney, fired the director and he decided to direct oh no so now what happens is this is where it starts going a little crazy uh and i you know i can't play golf i hate fucking golf i i don't have patience to hit a one little ball you know across the park whatever you know so i wasn't really good at playing the golf you know so we would make it that they make fun of me but i had some like golf at playing the golf you know so we would make it that they make fun at me but i had some like golf material at the time where i talked about hating golf so the the this new director makes me do some of that material on like the master shot like on a crane so he goes i want you to do that monologue every time you know and i go no but i'm not doing

that monologue every time i did it for you because go, no, but I'm not doing that monologue every time. I did it for you because you asked me to do it in the master shot just so you hear some talking. And he goes, no, I want you to do it. I go, that's my material for my act. I don't want to do it. You know, you're not paying me for it, are you? Right. And he goes, you'll do what I say.

I go, I'm not going to do a fucking thing you say. I go, and don't ever tell me what to do again, ever, in front of the camera, which Don Barris is falling down laughing as he's making our little documentary movie with my camera because I was always filming. Did he literally say, you'll do as I say? Yeah. Whoever listens to that. And he says, if you don't like it, you could leave. So I said, okay, I'll leave.

I go, Don, let's go. And I had clips of Kenny there. I go, let's leave. He goes, well, my attorneys will be in touch. I go, okay, I'll leave. I go, Don, let's go. And I had clips of Kenny there. I go, let's leave. He goes, well, my attorneys will be in time. I go, asshole, you told me to leave the set. You don't want me in the movie if I don't want to do my own material. And I don't want to do it. So don't fucking tell me what to do and I'll stay.

And that's it. You know, and what Don loved is no matter what the guy did, you know, for his main profession, he goes, you're telling your director, the guy that's supposed to tell you what to do, don't ever tell me what to do again. But that's his only job right now, is telling you what to do. I go, yeah, but you heard what went down, you know,

and he agreed with it. And then I decided to direct part of the special. Not the special, the movie. Because I come to the set one day and it's like 110 degrees and this guy, the guy directing, he had a funny character, he was very low key. He'd wear the sombrero because it was Mexico and it was always hot and I go, what are we doing today? And he goes, I don't know.

And I go, do you want me to set the shot up? And he goes, would you please? This is the director now. Oh, he's just tapped out. Yeah, he goes, I just want to finish the movie and go home. And that's how he would talk. That's like an impression of the guy. So now I'm directing the movie, and there was a scene I directed.

This was great because I was like a little at war with Frank Stallone at the time on the set. So I was shooting a scene that I needed Don Barris for, and now I decided Club Soda Kenny will be in the movie also. So Frank is shooting a scene where he's like playing a guitar in his underwear talking to some girl he was with in bed the night before so i come in there and i take the sound guys i'm like come with me just come with me so now i get the sound guy so he winds up shooting this whole scene that he's doing and he doesn't know he doesn't have sound and all of a sudden coming from this house you hear him screaming he took the sound guys you made me

do all these takes and we don't even have sound and the the director's going well dice is directing a scene right now you know and he goes why the fuck is he directing anything it's not his movie to direct i mean people were having and then we crashed the golf carts which i got in trouble for i played chicken with the you know peter dobson he's an actor no um he's been in a lot of stuff anyway so me and dobson were good friends and decided to play chicken with the golf carts. And I turn at the last second and my golf cart gets completely destroyed and Frank goes flying out of it because he's with me going, what are you doing as we're going towards each other? And I'm going, just stick with me on this. He goes, I don't want to stick with you. Stop driving.

But we wouldn't stop driving. And I turn and they smash in my my so now i'm not allowed to be in the golf cart chicken yeah chicken to see who turns first you know and then we're having sword fights with the golf clubs i mean it was ridiculous what was going on you know beverly d'angelo's in the movie uh frank pesce's in the movie what was your war with uh frank stallone what was that just that i believe the movie should be a comedy. Oh, okay, that. You know, so I started doing like an impression of him on screen because I could do him really well, the way he stands.

And, you know, so now he sees the final cut and he goes, what are you doing behind me? You know, I go, an impression of you. He goes, you're not supposed to be doing an impression of me. I'm the leader of the gang. I go, but it's funny. And he goes, but the movie's not funny. And of course, we all made up after the movie never came out. You make up with everybody.

You make up with Paulie. You make up with that guy. Yeah, because it's more fun to have your friends. And then laugh about it. You and Dom Herrera, are we going to make up? You know what? It's not that I'm even friends and then laugh about it. You and Dom Herrera, are we going to make up? You know what? It's not that I'm even mad at a guy like Herrera. He's just stupid.

You know what I mean? I like both of you. I really do. I wish you guys would work that out. What? There's nothing to work out. Just call him stupid. I'd say you have an issue.

Well, calling somebody stupid and saying I don't like the guy are two different things. Why would you say I'm rare as stupid? I'll sit here and go he's a great comic. I think he's a great comedian. But, you know, he's just too bitter for me. You know what I mean? Well, you and him have always had like this antagonizing relationship. No, he always had it.

He always had it with you. You know, he used to, you know, I came into Philly years ago and, you know, I would headline the Comedy Factory outlet, you know, so they would have him open the shows, you know, and he would look at my character like Italian rather than just a Brooklyn guy. And, you know, you know, my real name's Andrew Clay Silverstein. I went to Andrew Dice Clay, you know, so when Mike, you know, we won the same Rodney special, you know, and he, you know, he just got fucking jealous that my career went through the roof. And, you know, and he didn't, you know, and the funny thing about that was I might have even talked about this on your show that he would have been the perfect guy. You know, when I was doing the arenas, you know, to open those shows, you know, because people did like him on the special. But like I said, not everybody becomes a megastar. It just doesn't happen.

Not everybody becomes the fucking Beatles. I'm sorry. You know, but he's a great comic. And because he had, you know, he started going on radio shows and saying my real last name. And I'm like, what's the problem? A Jew from Brooklyn can't be a tough, good looking guy. Is that the fucking problem? You know, unless I'm Italian.

The name Clay, where'd that come from? Well, that's just my middle name, Andrew Clay Silverstein. It's what my parents gave me. So when you decided to just go as Dice Clay, why'd you decide to do that? Andrew Dice Clay. Yeah. Why'd you? Silverstein was.

Well, you know what the original name was when I go on stage is... this was funny because when I you know my original act was like Impressions I'll just put it to you that way you know doing Travolta and Stallone and Jerry Lewis. Your Travolta is insane. Your Travolta is the best Travolta on earth. No one no one nails it. Well the thing about Travolta is that you you know, he had those Brooklyn characters. And, you know, we were similar looking when I was 17 years old, you know. And I was just able to do them.

You know, I could turn to Vinnie Barbarino like, all right, so you asked me, Vinnie, you know, where's your homework? Vinnie, where's your homework? What? That was the act. That was the whole act? No, no. You could say words. I did my homework, but my dog ate it.

I couldn't believe it. And I would do all these Travolta. But after the impressions, when I came to the Comedy Store, after I did, I got a shot on Don Kirshner's rock concert, and I did that whole act. But now it was about the acting thing and I was thinking, well, nobody's going to buy me to do Travolta or Stallone.

I got to develop my own stage persona. Do you know what kind of nuclear arsenal of a joke you have in your wheelhouse if you just did it with you doing an impression of Travolta and have some massage bit. Do you know with that impression how good that bit would be? I know you don't want to do it and out of courtesy to Travolta, I know you think he's very talented.

You don't do jokes about him. But my God, what a fucking crushing bit you would have. Yeah, but I – you know what? Your impression is really good and then with the situation is so ridiculous. Him just wanting to get jerked off by all these guys. Him saying let me massage you. The whole thing is great. I mean it's ripe for comedy.

I'm not hating the guy. I love him. Would you like me to dig my thumbs into your neck a little? I could see you got a little crick. Come on, are you telling me that you pretending to massage a guy

as Travolta? Then Sly says, you know what, that feels pretty good. No, I got a sense of humor about it. I just feel he's been through a lot. Oh, he's been through a lot, but he's also dished out a lot. He's one of our greatest stars, so I can't do it. That's hilarious.

He's a great actor, no doubt about it. But he's also a freak who likes getting jerked off by dudes. There's no question about that either. That seems to be a reoccurring theme. And I ain't hating the guy, man. You should be able to do whatever the fuck you want to do. Well, you know what it is? There's a lot of guys who would blow him just because he's a bad motherfucker. But that's what I ain't hating the guy, man. You should be able to do whatever the fuck you want to do. Well, you know what it is? There's a lot of guys

who would blow him just because he's a bad motherfucker. But that's what I always felt the problem with women were. Maybe that's why he went to the guys. They just don't know how to jerk. I think he's a freak. You know what I mean?

Is that it? You try to teach him. You know what I mean? Some girls just seem to have a born-in ability to do it correctly. Some girls just get it. Yeah.

You know? Squeeze hard. All right. Don't even say whatever the fuck your thing is. My wife is squeeze hard. Who cares what somebody's doing to you? Hey, settle down. Unless they got their legs wrapped behind their ears.

Settle down. Yeah, look at him. Mr. Date. Not by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin. King of the date. You know, but no, look at him. Mr. Date. Not by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin. King of the date. You know, but, no, I love Travolta. You know, I can only do impressions of the people in film that I really love. Right.

It's too bad you can't do it. Well, I just did it for you, though. I gave you a little. Last time I wouldn't do it. That's a taste. Yeah, I mean, I could come up with it. Trust me. But, you know, I've got to leave the guy alone.

That's a beautiful thing. I would not leave him alone, even if we were tight. Can you do Travolta? No. Do you do any impressions? I could do a couple. I want to see one of your shows now. I'm not even kidding.

I'll send you my special. I'll gift it to you. I'll give the five bucks. I'm willing to pay. You know what I mean? You know, it's just, you know, I got a heart for people. That's what it is. I understand.

You know, so even like with Irera, like you were saying, you know what I mean? I don't hate the guy. You know, they're all guys I don't like. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, just don't like for many reasons. Right. You know, his own, you know, jealousy would overcome him, I guess.

But he missed out on the greatest gig in the world, you know, doing these arenas because he is an Italian from Philly. I mean, I did the Spectrum three times. You know what I mean? And he would have been great in those rooms. So I would book Lenny Clark, and Lenny Clark wound up. I'll never forget. I did the Universal Amphitheater, and Lenny calls me up, and he goes, you know, can I have some people come to the show? And I'm going, Lenny, that's what it's all about.

Like, why wouldn't you be able to have people come to the show? It's 6,000 people, you know? Right. And he winds up, I don't know if you know Lenny Clark's whole career, but they gave him a sitcom. He got a sitcom that night, and that didn't work out, and he wound up on the sitcom with uh what was it a phrase uh you know frazier i think john larry kent where yeah where he played a cop no it wasn't he

wasn't on the john larry kent show but but it might have been that well you could look red band do something you're running the panel yeah look you do the imdb for lenny clark by the way lenny clark no but Lenny Clark wound up with a huge career. Yeah. One of the funniest guys ever out of Boston. No, but I'm telling you,

it was that night that it all came together for him. Lenny Clark gave me some great fucking advice too. Like my second time ever getting paid to perform,

I opened up for Lenny. This guy that I was working for, Norm LeFoe, who was booking gigs in western Massachusetts had these little one night bars he had this place called J's in Pittsfield Massachusetts

and I got to open up for Lenny this is after Lenny had been on HBO it was a funny moment because his brother who's a great guy still books a club called Giggles and Saucers Mike Clark is the shit he's just a great fucking guy I never met him but I know he's a great guy but still books uh club called giggles and socks yeah yeah mike clark is the shit he's just a great great fucking guy i never met him but i know he's a great he gives me advice his

reputation he's like pal you're pretty funny but you're gonna have to clean it up a little bit that really yeah it's like he's talking to the right one that madonna bit you know that one is just too much you know it was just saying like for his rooms you know like where i would work but then lenny comes off stage goes goes, kid, that was fucking hilarious. Holy shit, that fucking Madonna bit was fucking hilarious. That heavy Boston accent. And Mike's like, I just got told, done telling him to stop doing that bit.

It was the John Larroquette show. It was the John Larroquette show, yeah. And he also did Lenny, a show called Lenny. Yeah, I should know that because it was next door to us. When we were filming news radio, he was over there. He fucking, he said that John Larroquette guy was a twat. He would just say how fucking horrendous it was to work with that guy. Yeah, but he did great.

Yeah. That's what it meant. Lenny was a top-notch stand-up like before anybody. Well, he was, these were all the guys that were on the Rodney special. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So you had Lenny Clark.

You had, you know, they had to fill a spot, so they put Barry Sobel in there. You know? Look, Barry Sobel at one point in time was pretty fucking funny. See, it was pretty fucking funny. No, he's a funny guy, but, you know, when we did the Rodney special, you know how he wears baseball jackets? Uh-huh. So he shows up with a motorcycle jacket, right?

A black, and he's going on like, uh, two before me. It was Lenny, then Sobel, then Carol Leifer, then myself,

then Bill Hicks, uh, I Rara and, and Bob Schimmel. And so he comes in wearing a motorcycle jacket and he goes, this is what I'm wearing on the show tonight. So I'm like, all right, another jerk off. Cause i didn't know him well you know and i go over to rodney i go look what the guy's wearing rodney and rodney goes yeah so what you know i go well

he wants to wear it on the show and then rodney caught it you know he's going barry come here man you know what i mean he goes what are you gonna wear on the show and i'm standing right there he goes well i'm gonna wear this jacket and rodney goes if you wear that jacket man you're not on the show okay dice wears the leather you know and of course barry took out his little baseball jacket and that was the end of that do you think he was trying to do it to like you know what all these swagger jack you know when i prepared you know just like i'm talking about my special now, I really prepare. I'm not going to do a half-assed job when I'm up there. And when that Rodney special, I had about six months to get ready for that.

And every night I'd go on at the comedy store. I wouldn't care if it was two fucking people in the crowd. I'm rehearsing. I'm rehearsing the act. That's it. Joke to joke to joke. You know, Halloween, there's Dom Irer just fucking around on stage. And I'm like, these guys just don't get it.

Because I knew when I would be in front of that camera that the only thing I needed to worry about was playing the people and the people at home. I didn't want to think about the act. I wanted to be on automatic pilot because your nerves get to you and you want to do the performance now. And these guys would just fuck around at the store. They wouldn't rehearse it. And then they show up to do the special and everybody's nervous. And I'll never forget, I walked from the Regency Hotel. I just wanted to feel New York

and I was in my outfit for the ride and I'm wearing a belt buckle you know this fucking big you know the song and i come walking into the club i get the glasses on and rodney goes how do you feel he's like how do you feel man you know how rodney would be like and i go tonight they pay tonight they pay tonight they get disciplined and rodney tonight they pay okay man you're ready okay tonight they're gonna get disciplined did you hear that and he just got such a kick out of it you know and when i went on it was like just kill him first show out of the box i love that rodney did that that rodney had those specials and introduced so

many fucking comedians. Well, you know what? If I do more as far as comedy specials, that's what I want to do now. I want to put guys on that I think are great, go around the country, find the best, and deliver those guys to America. That's a great idea. You know, I spoke to

Showtime. They're into it. But first, I got to do this. And really, I think people, I spoke to Showtime, they're into it, you know, but first I gotta do this. You know, and really, I think people are just gonna be fucking thrilled with this. You know, I was thrilled with the end result. LA Rocks just rocks the room, which was a little scary to me because when I saw the audience, you know, my boy, just like comics, now you got, I think we used

18 cameras, you know, for the shoot. So you know, you know comics, now you got, I think we used 18 cameras for the shoot. So you know what I'm talking about. Just the pressure of the producer, director, all the people involved in the special. And my kids came out. Eleanor introduced them. And they just rocked the room. And the crowd went nuts because I'm worried that they're not going to let them get started. You know what I mean?

And they just rocked it. I'm so proud of them. And they're actually going to be at the Whiskey on January 12th. So people that want to see a great band that's breaking, L.A. Rocks, could go to the Whiskey on the 12th of January. It's always hard to get yourself into normal performance mode when you're doing a special. You know, it's like when everything's riding on this one night, you've got two shows to get it right. Like, sometimes that pressure can be overwhelming.

And you want to know something? I only wanted to do one. And, you know, it was the people at Showtime that were smart enough to go, no, you're doing two. You know? And they were right because I fucked up a few times in the first one. Yeah, it's always hard to just... I wasn't nervous. I was excited about it, though. You know, it's the

nervous excitement, and then you get that first laugh, and you just loosen up. But I was just so prepared. I mean, like you said, you came to Vegas and saw the show and saw me working on it. And, you know, Vegas crowds aren't as great saw me working on it. And Vegas crowds aren't as great as crowds around the country.

And that's another thing I like. So it felt like the comedy store. Because in Vegas, there's a lot of variables going on. There's gambling, drinking, fighting with your chick over losing the fucking money. Now you're at a show, 10 at night, and you're not even in the mood for that show.

So the crowds, you never get that full, amped-up crowd that you would get when you're on the road doing a concert, that they're just coming for the concert. So when I got to Chicago, and I hear the crowd before I even come on, they're doing the dice, dice, dice. I'm going, all right right this is the real deal now so yeah i fucked up a couple times in the first taping of it and you know and then i got angry

it became dice mean you know for the second show and it just i just delivered the way i knew i can one of the things that helped me and this is i think would help you too uh doing a podcast helps you on stage tremendously you get so used to talking to people you get so used to doing things like live that when we do when i did these uh the the special in uh atlanta i it was the most natural i'd ever felt being on stage because i don't know the tabernacle i'd always had a problem with that or like when i when i was taping something i'd be like stiff and tight, and I just never felt like I was completely loose.

So you were really happy with the outcome of your performance. I was 100% how I always am. I even said it while I was on stage. I was like, this is the most relaxed I've ever been doing one of these things. Because you were also prepared. I prepared. I put a lot of sets in to prepare, a lot of writing in to prepare. I had all the material completely down. But the audience is so fucking enthusiastic. That's what you need.

Yeah, they're so fun. And like I said, that's where we do parallel because we both draw crazy audiences. People that are really out for the hardcore comedy. You know what I mean? So you really delivered it then. Well, I am so happy that there's still guys out there that are doing anything controversial because I think this is such a strange time when it comes to comedy. There's been so many from the Tosh thing

to the Tracy Morgan thing to just fill in the blank of every any comedian that says anything called the gilbert godfrey thing when he got in trouble for a lot of shit it's like at a at a certain point in time it's we're gonna if you keep going down this super ultra sensitive fucking stupid path yeah then there'll be no there's gonna be no comedy and by the way you're just saying what you don't like. You're saying you don't like it. Well, fucking don't listen. It's really simple.

If you're not into what a guy like Tracy Morgan would say or a guy like you would say, well, then don't fucking listen. No one's requiring you to – you can't tell me that it's bad. You can't tell me that it's real. You know it's a joke. He's a fucking comedian. Yeah, that shouldn't be – it's like I say. These comics are being put on trial. Right. You know, and, you know, there's even a bit that, you know, I do where I use the fag word.

Well, it's one of my favorite bits from your last thing. Well, I did an interview for Rolling Stone like three weeks ago. And, you know, the guy asked me why I used the word fag, you know. And I said, well, did you listen to the whole – and he listened to the whole show. He watched the whole show. And I said, do you see where I go with the bit? What I'm really doing by the end of that bit is sticking up for the gay community is what I'm doing. It winds up about, like, you know, when the guys were running, you know, trying out for president, whatever.

And so it's about the whole marriage thing. You know, I don't want to do the bit on the air. Yeah, no. You know, but I go, that's what the bit's about. I go, and if I would say, you know, catch gay rather than catch fag, I go, fag is a funny word. You know what I mean?

And for people that don't like it, well, don't watch my show, but it's funny and that's who I am on stage. But if you're going to talk about anything, talk about what the bit really turns into. Not a word. Have you ever done anything, any of your old material that you look back now and you're like, I wouldn't do that today. I wouldn't say that today. You know what?

I really don't have many regrets on the material. I don't use too much of it in the special. I do a couple classic bits. That's what I call them. You know, like today I was on Good Morning L.A. and, you know, they played like some of this midget bit that I've done for years. But these are the new fans, so you give them some of the classic stuff. You give them the mother goose.

But other than that, you know, it's a 98% new act. You know, I've updated, you know, how I feel about different things. And, you know, like I said, we're living in a different world, technology. We're living in a world where, you know, women today are brought up on porn. You know, God forbid they don't have a profile shot of their bleached-out asshole on their website or whatever. They feel they're not happening. You know, so everything is new, but it's got that real heavy bite to it, and it's got the

anger that I like to bring to stage. I mean, I couldn't do it like you. I mean, when I see you screaming up there, I had a couple screaming years, but not as intense. Like, that's what would make me sit down and watch you. I want to see screaming years, but not as intense. Like that's what that's what would make me sit down and watch you. I want to see how long can he scream? How long can he put that energy out? And you could back then you were going like two hours, you could do and just I go, he loves it. You know, it was almost like it was, it was more about it was almost like you doing a verbal workout you know what i mean

you know it wasn't like all right i do abcd and i'm done you would just go and i'm going kind of and what is this guy taking to that energy like i'm watching you today you know um you know talk about like the different vitamins and everything that you're selling. And I'm going, he's taking something that could really make... I'm thinking maybe I should take some of those fucking vitamins because you could really go for a long time at top volume. Yeah, it's not just about taking vitamins. It's definitely about what you eat. It's really important.

No, but I mean the energy. That's what I love because when somebody's putting out that kind of energy, it's watchable. Well, yeah, now that's a good point that you brought up earlier we didn't touch back on. The idea that there's something wrong with you if you're moving around or like putting out a lot of effort. There was a time in comedy where guys like didn't respect anybody who didn't just stand still and just say it with your words. And it's like, well, why would you lose like that performance? Like I would see a guy like maybe Jim Brewer is a good example, who's really physical on stage.

And I would see that the physical aspects of him moving around was really half of the... It adds to it. Yeah, half the bit. It's hilarious. And any comic that doesn't believe that isn't a real performer. Yeah, and when it comes for that, when it calls for that, rather, there's nothing wrong with doing it. Yeah, but anybody, just pace a little.

But it became a thing. Do you remember when it was like a thing amongst comedians that if, you know, they like didn't respect guys who like put forth too much effort? Well, when I came to the comedy store, because I had some, you know, at that time with the cassette tapes, I had my music on tapes, do Travolta. Right. And do, like I would do the Grease Lightning number.

I felt like the Serpico of the comedy store because comics would go, you know, this is the music store, not the comedy. This is the comedy store, not the music store. And I go, because you can't do that. How does that sound? You know, you just can't do that. And you don't look like this to do that you're an ugly guy you know what i mean so you should be doing what you i had

argument after argument with comics i go well you know what the club owner thinks i am funny well there's always there's a weird thing amongst comedians where they want other comedians to be doing their kind of comedy it's ridiculous it's like a rapper going up to a guy who plays jazz and getting mad at him for liking the fucking flute. Yeah, I mean, you know, but, you know, I also feel with comics is, you know, not enough camaraderie. I've told you that before.

Yeah, I agree. Look, I agree. You know, I just don't feel they back each other up enough. That's why it's always good. Like, when you came to my show, I was thrilled because here's another comic that I respect coming to see me perform. It's almost like, you know, Sinatra going to see Sammy Davis. You know, like they back each other up with it.

Yeah, it's very important to me. I think, like, first of all, as I've gotten older and been doing stand-up longer and longer, the more I've appreciated the art form of it. You know, whether it's the style that you do or the style that even seinfeld i'm i'm a i'm a fan of any style of good like yeah i love gaffigan gaffigan is fucking hilarious and looks very clean and like anybody can listen to it you know i love that style as well and i just love the art form so for me camaraderie between other comics like it's huge, huge, huge. Very important. But what I also like is this I get a kick out of, like, the

non-camaraderie of the cleaner comics to guys like us. Yeah. Like, they look at us, it's like, oh, look who walked in. You know, we're the clean guys. You know, and Seinfeld always had his little group of guys, which I think are hysterical. Him, Larry Miller, you Miller, Paul Reiser, very clean.

To me, they're all similar in their styles on stage. Well, I think Seinfeld, that was legitimately him. But there was a lot of guys that came up that were like sort of— No, it's legitimately him. But that whole group had like a certain— To me, Larry Miller just killed me. Influence, though. like sort of no it's legitimately him but that that whole group had like a certain stuff like to me larry miller just influenced though what i'm saying is that there's a lot of guys that became seinfeld like there was a lot of very seinfeld like observational guys that i don't

know if they would have been that way if it wasn't for jerry because jerry had a very specific style that a lot of those clean guys imitated that style like really clearly and it's really no seinfeld i love i think he's larry miller just kills me well i love him on tv i mean uh acting i mean i think he's one of the funniest guys ever did you ever see his stand-up yeah i've seen his stand-up yeah i haven't seen a long time i saw some old old evening of the improvs very funny guy though very funny just his sound effects and you know the way you know he's always shocked by things yeah like that very bright guy too yeah that's why i don't like to hang out with him he is he's really smart and you don't like it no no i i love him but you know we've we used to do like la jolla together and everything and

you know you know there was a story where we did a private party and uh you know i was you know and i i the guy offered me like a thousand dollars to do a birthday party you know in la jolla and i i go over to larry and i said we'll split the money you you open for me at the birthday party you know and uh it was this big mansion and I think this is the guy that invented sex wax for surfboards. So we show up and I see a bunch of five-year-olds. And I'm going, I call the guy

and I go, you really going to have me do my act? And he goes, no, we got a clown for them. You're for us. We're going inside. So it was all the adults. And Larry goes up and i'm laughing he does his act and now he's sitting it was like one of those living rooms step down living room so he's sitting on the step and he's watching me and he's laughing hysterically you know and

afterwards you know i'm asking him i go you see my act every night why are you laughing so hard he goes do you know what a stupid man you are and i go why he goes you were using a twenty thousand dollar vase as your ashtray i go what are you talking he goes the big vase that was next to you you didn't know where to put your cigarettes so you putting them in this the vase was bigger than me. And he goes, and I couldn't stop laughing because everybody was looking at each other every time you flicked your cigarette in this vase. He goes, you're a very stupid man. And it just, his delivery would just make me laugh my balls off. No, I love those guys. And I go,

you know, Larry Miller's the guy that got me into the comic strip when I started out. You know, and that's where it all started with the monologists. I have always hated that whole idea that there's like a good way to do comedy and then there's an easy way to do comedy.

Because why is it that when I would go to see a guy like you or watch a guy like Joey Diaz, why is it that I laugh so hard? Like, what are you telling me? Is there something wrong with me? Because it's balls out. It is balls out. No, I understand.

But why is anybody saying that there's something wrong with that? Like, there's a weird thing in people's heads. You know, it's also the way you're brought up. You know what I mean? Like, these are very clean-cut guys. Yeah. You know, and I love Seinfeld. I like him as a person.

I like him as a comic. But, you know, these are guys that actually went to college. I don't know how to talk to them. It's a different mindset education-wise. I understand all that, but it's really reservations. It's like they're reserved and uptight, whereas when you see someone like you or someone like Joey Diaz saying something completely outrageous, they can't go with it.

They can't just relax and go with it. They're restricted. They're pulled back. Yeah, is that what they think? Yeah, there's something. They just can't cut loose. You can't be smart and enjoy a good dirty joke. Well, that's ridiculous.

Then you're obviously not smart enough because you should be laughing at almost everything you could possibly laugh at. Well, you know what? Let me see one of these fucking clean motherfuckers sell 300 arena shows, and then I'll give it up for them. It's very hard to sell an arena show. I mean, I did over 300 of those, and nobody is ever going to top that, ever.

300 arena shows? And I did it without – What's an arena officially, 14,000? It could go anywhere from 15 to – the biggest one I did was 21,500. And it was a 41-minute sellout. It was the Brendan Burn in Jersey. And, I mean, the LA Forum I sold out in a couple hours. 21,000 fucking people.

Yeah, well, picture doing 100,000, you know, at the Rose Bowl with being the middle act for Metallica and Guns N' Roses. So what happens between doing these incredible arenas and then slowly sort of backing away from comedy a little bit and not doing as much? It was a slow thing, though. I did the arenas for about six years until around 1995. And that's when it didn't go sour i mean you know at that point you know the movie career was sort of non-existent you know other than b movies because of the backlash of my stand-up and the press and so there were no big movies coming you know after ford failing you know but even with the arenas i would do cut down arenas like 10 000 seats a night

and and that went on for a while you know then there were five you know you did you know in this day and you do 5 000 seats today that's unreal it's a lot of you know i mean rock bands you know it's a different time it's a recession it's it's just a different time. So, you know, when I see a comic doing 2,000, 1,500, 2,000 seats, maybe 2,500 seats, that's superstardom for a comic. You know, I mean, think about it. 2,000 people a night coming to see you is unreal. It's pretty weird. I just, you know, always had this thing in my head, you know, because I was so bad. Like I say, you know, my education was like non-existent. I mean, school was just more of a place to go and hang out and play the drums

twice a day, you know, and if it wasn't for the drums and music, I probably would have never graduated high school because school just didn't interest me. You know, that's the bottom line. So, you know, I wasn't good in sports. Not that I wasn't a big, I just wasn't, I just wasn't good at it. And, you know, by the time I was 12 years old, I was into all this stuff from doing impressions to playing the drums to, you know, that type of thing. And when I got into comedy and I saw the kind of guys you're talking about, very straight monologists. You know, I just wanted to be an actor and, you know, use the comedy stage to develop my acting chops. And the dice thing happened.

So I decided, well, if I'm going to stay in this game and be a comic, I want to create the most visually exciting comic people have ever seen in the world ever you know and honestly you know when you see the special and i got great respect for you and what you do but you're going to respect the special i would definitely respect it you know but but i mean you'll see what i mean because i deliver exactly what you know all these fans i've had through the years want to see from me and i like giving them what they want to see. I don't want to come up there all cleaned up with maybe not a tie, but a sport jacket and just black pants. I'm like, for what? You know what I mean?

This is how I like to dress. I look good enough to dress in it, so why not just deliver what they want to see and just pound them over the fucking heads with the filthiest shit that i could come up with because we're living in the filthiest time with the filthiest fucking people you know yet the backlash is the strongest thing it's ever been you know but but i don't care about the backlash anymore years ago i did because i didn't get it you know because guys came before me, everybody from, you know, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, guys like, so I'm going, what am I doing any different

than them? You know what I mean? And so now I'm at a point in my life where if you don't like me, who gives a fuck for you? You know, I don't give a fuck if you see tomorrow. That's how I think about it. If a writer writer writes if a journalist writes me up like a bad write-up i'm like well what do i give a fuck do i know this person do i care what they fucking feel they're the ones writing me up well and it's it's not it's never fair because it's like would a jazz critic review uh a hip-hop concert no why would they it doesn't make any sense so for someone to be a comedy critic, it's like, wow,

there's a lot of different kinds of comedy. Just because you have a specific taste, a personal taste, doesn't mean the other comedy's bad. It just means it's not for you. Well, I come from, you know, like I said, I like dealing with, you know, I love seeing the uncomfortability of people in the front row.

I love seeing... Well, it's live in the front row. I love seeing – Well, it's live performance, and that's one of the fun aspects of it. Yeah, and if you're all clean up there, like, you know, I just don't think I would have any fun. I have fun, like, watching a guy, like I said, like Gaffigan or watching a guy like Seinfeld, but it's not the same kind of fun. Yeah, but, you know, Seinfeld's one of a kind. Yeah, but it's not the same kind of fun. It's still not the same kind of fun as watching a guy like you. Because watching a guy like you, you'll say the most ridiculous shit ever.

One of the things that I was howling is when I came backstage afterwards and I was talking to you about it, I go, yeah, you're like, I don't do any research. Like we were talking about how to catch it. Because it's comedy. It's just about the fucking laugh. But it was like how you were just breaking down the whole process. I do no research. I claim no responsibility for telling the truth. If I was running for office, I'd have to do a little research.

For comedy, that's why I try to explain in that album, The Day the Laughter Died, that it's just about funny. I don't care what it is. Just be fucking funny. And I got my rules. Like, I won't, you know, bring up a disaster where people get killed. You know what I mean? You won't make fun of John Travolta. You have strong rules.

Yeah, I do have strong rules in that way. You know, like what happened with the hurricane. There's no jokes for me when it comes to that stuff. You know, because, you know, people are getting killed. And there's families that are mourning these people. So it's like, where do I have the right to make fun of that? So I try to stay away from that kind of stuff. But when it comes to sex, come on, it's just sex, so it's okay.

Did you ever feel like at a time that you ever crossed the line, though? Did you ever say anything, whether it's about immigrants or gay people or anything? No, not when it comes to people. When I make fun of Asians and call them Chinamen. immigrants or gay people or anything. No, not when it comes to people, you know, like, you know, when I make fun of Asians and call them Chinamen, you know, it's just funny. It's a funnier word than Asian. You know what I mean? Chinamen, chink, it's all funny.

You know, it's a great word. Well, if it was an angry Chinese dude, though, staring at you while you were talking. You know what? I do it right. You know, I talk about fat girls, and sometimes I got chicks in the front row, and I'm going, all right, so how much does the fat girl I talk about have to wait a night? Because I've had some beasts sit in the fucking front row.

And so you have to double her. But like my wife says, fat girls love me because I talk about them. But, you know, when I'm talking about a chick that's bigger than the bed I'm fucking her on, it's funny. Because no girl in the crowd is going to go, well, I'm not bigger than an Eastern king. You know what I mean? They look at themselves like little. Because I'm not looking to hurt them. I'm just looking to be funny.

Right. And let them laugh, too. Fat girls are allowed to laugh. They are. You ever see them? The fucking blubber starts to jiggle and shit they don't particularly like fat girl jokes though in my experience oh really yeah i don't know i'll tell you the fat girls in my crowd they like it they really like

it they're they're literally rolling in the fucking aisle you know i've had a girl throw herself on the floor and start rolling around that I'm looking like, this is hysterical. It happened once. She was speaking in tongues. You know, I've had a heckle fight with an 86-year-old woman Really? That I had to come into the middle of a crowd on a New Year's Eve and just give her a big kiss. Where was this? It was in

San Antonio, Texas. God damn. Yeah, and this 86 she was like, yeah, I know they're not whatever part of America, I don't follow the map that much with the geographical shit, but she sounded Southern, you know what I mean? San Antonio, Texas? Yeah, they have that twang to them.

Right. And she's like, it was like one of those skinny, she was 86 or 87. Wiry. Slapping her knee going, you dirty motherfucker. You are a dirty, and she's as filthy as me. You know, that was one of my greatest heckles. And it's something I didn't get on.

I wasn't even filming back. I was probably, you know, 27, you know. And, yeah, I've had some great heckle fights in the days where they would actually look to throw lines at you right you know rather than just being drunk you fucking suck well especially what do you do with that or the store is some of the worst places ever you know for heckling first of all because there's no crowd control and second of all because hollywood is always filled with people that are unhappy they most people are not achieving their dreams here. The majority of people are struggling. Yeah, they fail.

Yeah, the majority. And you've got a lot of wannabe actors, wannabe musicians. Yeah, if you're at the comedy store and go, well, what do you do? Well, I'm an actor. Okay, good for you. But that guy could wind up a superstar. Oh, he could, yeah. This is the place.

Look, it is possible. But it's fun to piss on it. There's a lot of that bitterness that's in the air, and there's a lot of that in the crowd. It was one of the reasons why it was such a good place to work out, because that was not an impressed audience. Yeah. They were not impressed with you. I got heckled the other day by a guy in a wheelchair, and he comes there, I guess, once in a while, but he can't talk or move.

He has one of those where he just has 1,000 computers and cell phones in front of him, and they put him right in the front. Wait a minute. He has cell phones and computers in front of him? It means he's hooked up to everything but a fax machine his hands work yeah like his hand one hand works to move and one hand is just pushing ipad buttons and stuff and doing things but uh he talks through that he he doesn't really talk he just goes like that and so while you're on stage they put him right in the front row too the. The whole show, he's just going, but then he'll say something that means like, he's like, fuck my dick, you know, and stuff like that.

And he's just fucking saying these horrible things the whole time. I just like that he's attracted to you. Right. Wow, he wants you to blow him. But no, he's like, he's just fucking with you. And he just fucks with every single comic. And he sits there from like 7 o'clock or whatever, that open mic show, all the way to like 2 in the morning.

Why don't they kick him out? I don't know. It drives everybody crazy. Yeah, because that's a club, like to work the new stuff out. It always sucks when you have a guy that you just have to handle rather than work your material. Yeah. Well, the other problem is when someone before you doesn't deal with the heckler, and then you've got to go go up and then it's already out of control because they already feel like that's a part of the show. Yeah, and they like continue the bullshit.

Well, and also, let's be honest. At the comedy store, there's a lot of fucking people that they just, for whatever reason, they're still doing stand-up, but they checked out a long time ago. Long time ago. Sort of going through the motions and it's not very good material and for whatever reason, they don't have any talent. For whatever reason. And you'll see them go on stage and then these hecklers start eating them up and then you have to go up and back clean up, clean up on aisle

nine, Jesus Christ. When I do go on, I always make like there's nobody on before me, you know, and just start from zero. I don't care if somebody had a fight with somebody in the crowd I'm not going up there to like it's like you're saying, like just one comic,

you know, like the whole lineup is one comic. You know, getting into it with this one person. You know, I just start from zero and if somebody says something, Dice Mean comes out and hopefully I handle it right there and then.

The comedy store was the best workout for that place. It's the greatest. You know, I've gone through a lot of stuff. You know, I used to get to open Fetty Murphy there all the time. Mitzi would use me to, no, to go on after him. Yes. Because nobody wanted to go on after him. Yeah. You know, and, you know, those kind of things are like an honor at that time.

You know, and, you know, that's how you got to meet some of those guys. Like, you know, and Murphy was always like, and I didn't understand it at the time when he would be like nervous to go out there like on a Monday night in the main room. And I go, what are you nervous about? They're all here for you. You know, I didn't get it because once you have that fame, now you have to live up to it. Yeah. And I was just excited about going on after the guy. I got to follow Pryor at the store after the burn incident,

and everybody was coming to see him. I mean, you had Sammy Davis sitting on the floor with his legs folded. You had Burt Reynolds there with Sally Fields. You had De Niro there with Scorsese. Burt Reynolds and Sally Fields. And I would come up there like I was playing a bowling alley and just go into it and just make sure I kicked their ass every time. Mitzi putting you on after Strong Axe was a big move for everybody, a big move for me. And one of the guys that I had to follow up.

Who'd you get to follow? I followed you a lot. I followed you a lot in the early days, like in the 94-ish. Wow. And when I first started coming there, she would throw me on after you. I followed prior. Yeah, because you need an animal to follow an animal. Not only that, it's good for you to go on after someone strong because you realize you can't have any fluff in your act.

You can't have any bullshit. You've got to cut right to the funny stuff. You've got to impress them right away, get them right off the bat, hold on to them. It was like it's a good exercise in learning, especially when they loved the guy before. You would be up, fucking destroy, and then some unknown person has to go on after you. Yeah, but that's where Mitzi was great.

Yes, she was great. She would pick the right guy for that. Martin Lawrence, I used to have to go on after him a lot. Yeah, I never followed Martin. Eddie, I followed him a lot. When Martin was in his prime, I'll tell you, Martin did not have as long a prime as a lot of people did for whatever reason, and he got into movies, and he kind of doesn't do as much specials anymore.

And I love him. He's like one of my all-time favorites. He's fucking hilarious. And, oh, my God, he destroyed the main room at the Comedy Store one night. Yeah. No, he destroyed it. Just leveled the place, and I had to go on after him. Because he was just funny.

Yeah. You know, just to look at him is funny. You know what I mean? And he knew it. And he'd play off of it. You know, he's one of my favorites. I mean, I felt like a rank amateur when I had to go on after him.

I was like, I'm an amateur. Yeah, because especially if it's one of those nights in the main room where that guy's audience is there. Seems like on stage, most people got up and left. It was only like maybe 20% of the people stayed. And even them, I was just like this. But he's out there now. He's doing concerts.

Is he doing it again? Yeah, he is. I mean, I don't know how big it is. I don't know the schedule. But I know he was at the store really working stuff. Well, that's great. I hope he can bring it back to form the way he was when he was on top of it. You know what?

He's great. He's great in the movies. I love him. I love Eddie Murphy as far as raw comics go. But Martin, I always loved him the best because it was his actions on stage. And he's a guy that knew how to play the stage. Yeah. He'd be all over the place.

I mean, I loved his first special. What was your first years at the store? What year was it? I came out there, still, it was the beginning of 79, February 79. Wow, the fucking 70s. Holy shit. And you guys were living in that house on Crest Hill? Yeah, on Crest Hill.

I almost bought that place. Couldn't have a big enough yard for the dogs, though. Yeah, there is no yard. There's no yard. You just fall off the mountain. I looked at it. I lived in that house for six years. That house was crazy.

That house has got some fucking history to it. That's a crazy house. That's the only reason why I was thinking about it. I was like, this is such a historic place. Everybody, you know, Robin used to come up there all the time. Yeah. You know, some of the bigger name guys,

and I wouldn't even talk to these guys. I would never talk to a big name celebrity unless they would talk to me. You know, and – because I know what they're thinking the minute you say hello. What movie are you doing and what's my part? Right. So I would never bother. Even when Robin would come up to the house, I would like, just stay away. You know, and I mean great talent, but I wouldn't look to get in his face and go well I'm doing this

right and I used to have to follow him to at the store well you knew intuitively that it would be annoying as fuck well you know that that's what gets me when I go there you know these guys you know they cross the boundary a lot of times you know and then they want you know starts with the pictures and you know I'm a comic and you know they want to be buddy buddy and once and I can't, you know, I don't work that way. Yeah, some guy hit me with a

fucking sales pitch the other day after a show. Yeah, they don't let you come down from the show. Yeah, but I was taking photos with this whole line of people and this guy just starts rattling off this sales pitch and just, I mean, it's going on for like several minutes and I'm just supposed to listen and

start up and this and that. And after a while I go, dude, stop. I go, I can't do that. Stop. I don't have any time for anything. And I'm definitely not going to go into business with you. I don't even know you. This is crazy.

But the fucking sales pitch was just ready, go. Like this is his opportunity. But that's also what, you know, misdirected energy. It's the new generation. See, that's what gets me like, you know, when you grow up and all you're doing is looking down at your phone, you know, when it finally, you hit that age where you have to start communicating face to face with people, they don't know how to do it. Right.

You got to shake someone's hand. It's like shaking a fucking limp fucking dick. Yep. You know, they don't even know how to give a firm grip. Yeah. You know, what the fuck is that about? What is that about? No, but I'm serious.

That says something about somebody's character. Well, you know, I think... If you can't say, yeah, how you doing? You know, and it's like, I'm like, what is that? It's for a lot of people. It's not good to be manly. No people skills, I'm telling you. They don't want to be manly.

They can't handle it. It's not about being manly. They just don't know how to relate to you unless they're texting to you. Right. Or emailing to you. They just don't know how to relate to you unless they're texting to you or emailing to you. They just don't know how to have conversation. There's definitely a lot of that going on. There's a lot of people that are growing up in a society that is more and more encouraging people to control themselves and to calm themselves down and to not have as much fun and to be more conscious of how other people are going to view things. If a kid has a fucking personality in school, they want to put them on Ritalin. Yeah, that's true.

I mean, it's the crate. They want kids sitting, like, mute. And they want to pretend that school is interesting. It's not interesting. Like, the whole policy of breaking a child down, getting them to sit in position and absorb information that they don't find attractive. That whole policy is conditioning someone to just listen and be a fucking drone. That's what it is. It's not the best way to learn by far by any stretch of the imagination.

A best way to learn would be some sort of one-on-one instruction where you get to explain to them things over and over again and you get to answer all questions. But I will say when we went to school, at least you could have a personality in that classroom. Today, if you're not just quiet and sitting there, like you're saying, you're not a good student.

The quiet and sitting there is the madness. The ability to just sit there. I remember when I was a little kid and they would want me to sit down. You'd be all of a sudden like you're listening to something that's not fun at all after you've just gotten done running around with your friends. I wonder what even goes on now because of the phones

and the iPads and all the shit they bring to school now. You know, does that even, you know, do your kids tell you what that stuff? I'm sure they're listening to music in class with their headphones on. Yeah, I'm saying it must drive the teachers fucking berserk. Yeah, it must.

And you know what? This is just, wait until they get those fucking Google glasses. And, you know, they have these glasses that they're coming out with that you wear, and you're seeing things in the glasses, like emails, and you can go to websites. That's crazy. Yeah, especially glasses like yours, nice big ones. This is a big-ass screen. Yeah, nobody will see anything.

You can see all your shit up there. You can see all your photos. You can be fucking flipping through them by using your finger in the air. I'm not joking. No, but it's funny. It's crazy. You're sitting in class like this. You will literally be able to do that and do that in front of your eyes

and make them move, and you'll be able to pick ones and stretch them. Yeah, and how are teachers going to deal with that shit? They not they're gonna have to have rules yeah with that shit it'll be a called a like a no touch interface it'll all be like finger movements you just be doing things with your finger it's gonna be fucking insane and that's just the beginning you know it's gonna keep going further and further until you get something implanted into your fucking eyeball they have contact lenses too now to do it uh know, that's not for me. I don't believe in contacts. I never did.

But the contact lenses that allow you to see email and shit on them. I just don't believe in contacts. Not at all? No. Why? I just don't believe in them. But you believe in glasses? Yeah, definitely.

Have you ever thought, do you have, like, a Lasix issue? Could you go do that? No? You wouldn't do it? I'm just nearsighted. Oh, okay. So I try to wear, like wear sunglasses that people could see through. You could see me good, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So nearsighted means things that are close to you you have a hard time seeing? No, things that are kind of far away. Oh, so you see things close, fine. Yeah. But things that are, hmm. I thought that was farsighted. Yeah, when you're farsighted, that's where you can't see things right here.

That's me, man. Yeah. I'm jacked. Do you wear glasses? No. It's not that bad. I mean, I farsighted. Yeah, when you're farsighted, that's where you can't see things right here. That's me, man. Yeah. I'm jacked. Do you wear glasses? No. It's not that bad. I mean, I can read my phone and shit. It's pretty bad, too.

Is it bad? It is really bad. Now that you put out the special. It's way worse than my dad. No, it can't be. Your dad has glasses. I know, but he can actually still look at his phone if he has them. Well, I can look at my phone.

What are you talking about? You're exaggerating. Yeah, I think it's your text. It's not big. I stopped doing that. Now that you put out your special, are you going to tour? That's your question news. You're always asking me those tax it's not big I stopped doing that now that you put out your special are you gonna tour um you know news you know what I'm doing right now I'm right I want to see if I'm any good at this part right right in the gang a new you totally would be good that's

what I'm saying before I don't think I would because I don't like I'm not gonna that's good that's good that's even better yeah that's even more fun but I don't want to just shred people you don't have't have to. I'll have a podcast on for three weeks. People know you don't want to be on there. When you and I talk, we don't shred each other. But we like each other. Yeah, but I'm saying it wouldn't automatically be you not liking the people. You're assuming that.

I don't think it's necessary. Because I don't get along with a lot of people. And that's in real life. That's not on stage. Well, you and I have always gotten along. And I think a big part of it had to be that I was a huge fan when I was a kid. I remember I was hanging out with this. No, but it's like you brought up last time about the first time we talked because, you know,

I was starting to know your history a little with the TV show and stuff. And that's why I spoke to you about the road. You know, I was like, you don't go on the road? Yeah. You have a sitcom on the air. Like, what are you waiting for? Right. You know, and I think that's when you really started going out road? Yeah. You have a sitcom on the air. Like, what are you waiting for? Right. You know, and I think that's when you really started going out there.

Yeah, it was really good advice. It wasn't course of me, but it was the natural person. No, it was very good advice, and I didn't even think about it. And also, I was just assuming that I would always have a sitcom role, which is really dumb. Because, like, why would you assume that any of those things never last, you know? And it lasted for five years. Five years. But once I started going on the road, that's when my stand-up really got a lot better.

Because the one thing I could tell with you when you're on stage is you love it. See, that's the key. And you never lost that love for it. It's the most fun thing I do. You did, you went and done another special. No, it's fun. It's still fun. It's too fun.

Are you going to tour a lot now with this? I'm trying to write a lot of new shit right now. So I've got at least 40 new minutes of new stuff and then a gang of stuff in the notebook that i have you actually sit and write it yeah right on stage i do both i do a lot of making up on stage there's a lot of shit like i'll go on yeah you'll have an idea yeah you know but there's a lot of it that i actually sit in front of a computer right i think to get the best results i like both i like actual, sitting down writing things out, and then I like performing. Yeah, my son Max, he loves to write it. I just think that when you take a lot of time, when you sit in front of a computer taking a lot of time,

you're going to come up with more possibilities than you will in the moment. You know, like in the moment is great too, but I think it's not an either or thing, rather. I think for comedians, I think it's important to both write, like to sit down and actually work on your shit by yourself, and to do it on stage and just ad-lib and fuck around. That's how I have the best results. That's why I always tell you,

like young guys, they say, I like to write on stage. I'm like, keep doing that. Definitely keep writing on stage. But you should also write. You should also sit down and write. Because you get the most out of it. See, I only do it on stage.

That's where I'll come up with stuff. Not that I'm a genius with it. It doesn't happen every night. So you don't ever sit down with a notebook or anything? Wow. And what I love is that I finally, to give her a little credit, she doesn't want to be on the air or anything, but she'll tailor the bit.

Like if I come up with something and it goes a little too long, she'll explain why it's got to be. She really gets it, you know, and I'll shorten the bit up and I'll be on stage and I'll kill with it. I'll be like, how the fuck does she know? You know, because she wants anything but the limelight. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like she just gets it. You know, she'll go anything but the limelight yeah you know what i mean and it's like she just gets it you know she'll go you don't understand once you hit this point you don't have

to go further with it that's it that's the joke end it there you know and because of her latin background it's like all right i'll end it there but she's normally right 99 of the time it'll be killer it's a funny thing with stand-up comedy like you know you never know like where the bit's gonna go when you first start it you start adding on to it but my attitude like i would never listen to anybody about what i do on stage especially a non-comic and she's not a comedian you know it would be like look when i'm on stage do me a favor stay out of it you know i didn't become who i am because I was listening to my girlfriends. Right.

You know what I mean? But she really gets it. And every time she comes up with something and I do it, it kills. Which angers me. A lot of comics like to work with people. They like to, I know Chris Rock, when he would do a special, he would work with a team of guys. He would work with Voss and Nick DiPaolo, and they would come up with the bits and work on them together. DiPaolo's a good comic.

Yeah. But I don't think any comic that's a really great comic, and I think DiPaolo's great. Yeah, he's a great comic. But I don't think he's going to look to write a better act than he has for somebody else. It's true. It's just in your head. You're not going to, If you come up with something fantastic when you're writing for something,

you're going to go, you know what, I'm going to put this on the side. Yeah. This is for me. I'll give credit. That's why I also believe in being an original,

like that you know it comes from you. Yeah, I think that's important. You know, when I hear that a guy had a bunch of writers help him work on a special, it's just... But that's why you also went nuts with the Mencia thing

when he was stealing it. That guy was... That's stealing material, but I'm talking about when others are writing it for you. Yeah. It's like how... It doesn't feel organic. It doesn't, but I don't care.

That doesn't bother me. I don't think that a musician should have to sing his own songs that he wrote. I don't think that a comic should have to tell... I think if one of your friends writes a joke for you, you should be able to do it on stage. And if you- You know, Wheels actually comes up

with great stuff for me. Does he really? Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that. But I feel like, you know- But he knows me so well. If I'm doing like a bit on the hairy box, you know what I mean?

You know, verse, you know, the bald monkey, whatever the fuck they want to call it today. You know, like i'll just call him up and i'll start coming up with stuff and he'll just add these things and i go why don't you do that for you right because he's such a peculiar character he's a very when he comes up with something for me you know i'll just like do it and kill with it it could just be well he did get me banned from one TV show here. Wills did?

Because I listened to him. There's something wrong with me. Wills tried to tell me that he was, like, a pool hustler. You know what he's doing? He's got an entertainment company, Blue Light Entertainment. He's got a catering company. I heard his food's very good. It is.

That's what's so nuts. I have some of it at the comedy store way back. The cannoli kids. Yeah. He'll love that I'm saying this, too. You know, but he really, like, I went a couple years ago, and I had to do another morning show. You know, and I was getting heavy into the technology stuff about the phones, this and that. So as I'm driving there, he's talking to me.

this and that so as I'm driving there he's talking to me he goes all I want you to say if you bring up technology is that you don't have a blackberry and the only thing you want black is laying underneath you and it's got a big fat ass and the only thing you want buried is your face in it that's your blackberry you know so I do it just the way he tells me to do it and you could feel the air stop in the it's eight in the morning to los angeles so i'm going yeah i don't believe in the phone thing you know i don't like those blackberries the only thing i want black is normally underneath me with a big fat ass and the only thing buried is my face in it and then it's just quiet in the studio, and you felt it. And, of course, my publicist was told he could never be on the show again.

Does he even know what he's doing? What the fuck did they think they were going to get? If they're bringing it, it's hilarious. But I was just so into the joke driving there that I didn't think it was that bad. I'm going, well, I'm not cursing. It's not that bad. Yeah, it's not that bad. If they know it's you, it's Andrew Dice Clay.

But 8 in the morning when people are shaving and getting ready for work and there's a black woman on screen with me right next to me, they're looking like, what the fuck is this? So today when I did this uh other you know fox news i i was nice you worry about them uh sabotaging you or setting you up or you know like ready you know those kind of shows they're always very cool with me so i always felt bad about the the blackberry joke because i wasn't looking to offend anybody i was just looking to be funny right you know and to me it was a funny joke. And Wheels told me to

say it, which they should ban him. They should understand, first of all, that you're a dirty comedian. You've always been. They shouldn't be shocked by that. But I'm also an adult that shouldn't be listening to my friend telling me to do this joke on the way to the radio,

the TV station. I don't see that being your fault. I think people are too fucked up. I think it's Wheels' fault. I think. We can blame Wheels if you would like. But I would rather blame the news people. I remember that time when you were on CNN. Well, that guy had a comment.

That guy was ridiculous, but it was great. That was also a good viral video for you because people, like, it was clear, you know, that it didn't make any sense that this guy was saying that you, like, you ran a gym for a while. Well, I just did another CNN thing that will air on Saturday that actually Alan Duke was the interviewer and Tom Green produced it. Tom Green, the comedian? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. We did a two-camera shoot for this interview. Oh, he's great. And I can't believe how his hand... You know me. I'm always doing the filming. And he's holding this heavy camera,

and he just becomes a filmmaker at that point. He's really great. I'm good friends with Tom. I love Tom Green. He's phenomenal. We've got to get him back in here, Brian. You talked to him, right? Yeah.

Yeah, me and Tommy G. He's a good dude. That's his tough guy name, Tommy G. So you guys did another. Who was the guy who did the original interview with you, the one where you yelled at him? Well, that guy, you know, the guy that interviewed me was basically saying that guy's like, you know, that was it.

You know, that guy made a mistake. He paid the price. And that was it because he is a CNN reporter that had no facts about him. Yeah, did that, here it is right here. Yeah, turn this on. For a while you were actually running a gym. Tell us about that.

Running a gym? Weren't you running a gym at some point? You're supposed to be a news guy. What are you getting your fucking information? That's our research. You weren't, you weren't. This is ridiculous. I come on CNN and the guy don't even know what he's talking about.

Go ahead. You had no point where you're running a gym? No, no, running a gym? What, you need a workout or something? Jesus fucking Christ. I come on the news for two seconds, and you want to say... Every time I do an interview, a guy wants to open his fucking mouth. Can't even do a little fucking routine here.

You know what? Go fuck yourself. You know what? All right. We'll go back to talking about Art Carney. That's my favorite part. We'll be back in just a moment to fill you in on the Art Carney situation. Yeah.

Look at that guy's gone. That's it for him. He's vanished. Any career he might have had is over. Yeah. How could you just ask someone and say that your research shows he owned a gym? There was the internet back then. Well, you want to know something?

What was crazy is, and the guy knew it, that the next night I was at the Beacon Theater and it was oversold. It was gone. Why was he trying to pretend that you went away from stand-up and that you weren't doing it and were running a gym? Why was he? The way I would put it, I go, his mommy probably didn't like me. So he was going to get me for her, this little cocksucker. I wonder where that guy is right now. I'd look to Tosh.0.

Where he is. He's now delivering newspapers. That's where he is. That's a good Tosh.0 for sure. That would be a real good Tosh.0. What is that guy's name? I don't even know his name. I don't know.

Are you friends with Tosh? I don't know him. I don't know him. He's a good guy. I watched the show a little. Very good guy.L. Yeah, what is that guy's name? I don't even know his name. I don't know. Are you friends with Tosh? I don't know him. I don't know him. He's a good guy. I watched the show a little bit. Very good guy. Very funny guy, too. But that would be

an interesting thing. Yeah, we're going to need to find out Homeboy's name. The internet will tell us. Hey, on Twitter, who's that fucking guy? Who's that fucking guy and where is he?

All right. Yeah, what's he doing? See if we can get him. Look how focused he is. Maybe he'll be a good guy to interview and you could play that. You have us on together. Yeah, that would be too intimidating for him.

Give a chance for him to apologize. He wouldn't do it. He'd be sad. He'd be sad-faced. Well, I forgot how many, but that got millions of hits, that thing. Oh, I'm sure it did. I watched it at least 20. You know, I love it.

I love it. Yeah, it was great. Because, you know, when you're doing, especially CNN, which is, you know i love it i love it yeah it was great because because you know when you're doing especially cnn which is you know is aren't they the top news show in the world how don't you have some facts right i mean you you have way more facts than this guy ever had you know and you're a comedian well he was what he was doing was just sort of judging you as a joke you know he was like well here we go We're doing an interview with some...

He paid the price. It wasn't that he was diminishing you. I can't believe it. You, of course, you were a headline guy. I'm still a headline guy. For a while you popped out. Now you're coming back.

For a while you were actually running a gym. Tell us about that. That I never understood. Running a gym. Well, everybody wants to think that just you have to have all of your information. You have to have all your ducks in a row and your fax check to be on television. That's just not the case.

Like you could get on one of those shows and have ridiculous opinions and then they fucking fire you. I mean it's happened a million times before. This guy really paid I think. He disappeared. But he probably sucked anyway. That was a shitty interview. Why would he talk to you like that? Because he's an asshole.

Because he didn't do any fact checking. Because like I said you could tell this isn't a guy that would be into dice you know i mean that he's also but even if you're not don't these guys talk to everybody he had yeah he has a uh that fake way of talking you know that sort of fake on television way of talking oh and when he came out i i could tell something was up because you know i was trying to like you know a little pre not a pre-interview, but, you know, how you doing, before you sit down and talk.

Right. And he was like ignoring me, you know, and I was actually there with Eleanor and Happy Face. He was ignoring you because he didn't want to talk to you until the camera was on? No, I could just, I could just, no, there were no cameras on us. But what, I mean, he didn't want to talk to you until the camera was on, maybe. Yeah, like, like, how don't you, even when you do a talk show, they come over to you for a few minutes, you know, the host, before you go on. This guy didn't even want to talk.

And I wish Eleanor was here to tell the story because when you're sitting there doing the interview, behind you, you know, it's in New York and it's just a full floor of people with computers on the desk. So Eleanor said, when you first cursed, she goes, you're talking about a couple hundred people on this floor with computers. Everything stopped and they all just looked up at their computer and then it continued and then everybody like leaned forward to go, is this really airing right now?

They couldn't believe it was airing. And then we just ran out of there and got in a cab like we just robbed a bank. Well, CNN is not broadcast television. So CNN is not held to the same restrictions that the FCC imposes on NBC or CBS or ABC. That's a cable. So when you're on cable, you can say shit. We can say whatever you want. It's up to whether or not your advertisers are willing to still support you while you do that.

So you weren't breaking any laws. But if you had done that on like ABC Nightline News or something like that, then you would have broken a law. And then shit – if they found you like that you did it willingly – I mean you could slip up. I just fucking got, oh, sorry. You know, you could have one of those situations. But if you clearly, like, this fucking asshole over here, and, you know, clearly, like, that today, I think, is, like, that's a serious fine.

I think that's, like, a quarter million dollars, and I think you can. To the person saying it? Yeah, you can get in a lot of trouble for that. I've got to remember that. I'm glad I didn't curse this day. But the way you did it on CNN. His name's Peter Arnett, I believe. That's his name? trouble for that i gotta remember that yeah but the way you did it on uh cnn it's not on peter arnett i believe that's his name when you did it on cnn though that was it was like just doing on

hbo it's like the same thing really this guy probably just sits there all day and go everybody has seen this just everybody has seen another half a million are gonna see it now yeah that's the silly fuck the rogan pod it's very funny when you have a guy like that. Those guys, they kill me. Those button-up guys. That's not him. That is not the guy. That's definitely not him.

That's what he turned into after that. Yeah, he fucking gained 150 pounds, started a slumping. Fucking jerk-off. He's still a jerk-off for doing that. Well, maybe he feels bad and he's not anymore. No? Never forget? You think he feels bad? Probably not.

The only thing he regrets is that that happened. That's all. Well, unless he evolved. Maybe he went on a mushroom trip somewhere. Maybe he went down to Peru. Got his brain cleaned out. It's possible. I don't like him. I don't want to get a fine. Well, you don't get a fine on the internet On the internet you can do whatever the fuck you want

That's why I love this show It's so relaxed here Babe you having a good time here so far? Yeah Mrs. Dice Clay Mrs. Dice Clay In the background She doesn't go on the air

Yeah it's cool that you guys That you have this like happy touring thing too Like you guys are happy together in Vegas, having a good time. You bring your family out. You have your kids open for you. Eleanor's your friend. She's there. You have a nice, happy...

Yeah, it's my little group. Yeah, it's nice. You know, the sister wives, the whole thing. I like how you did it in Vegas, too, because I had always wondered whether or not someone could use Vegas as a workout room. No, I love that. But now I'm actually moving to the Hard Rock in Vegas. Well, yeah. But what I meant was, like, I always wondered, like, if you went to Vegas, like, would you have to have the same act over and over again?

Or could you use – you're the first guy that I heard of that, like, used Vegas, like you said, like the store. Just go there. Yeah, but it's a tourist town. So every week you've got a different audience, a different convention. I don't know why you don't do it more. You're right. I should. I probably should.

So many comics are moving there, living there. Well, I'm doing it in February. I'm at the Mandalay Bay, the big room, on February 1st, and it's the day before the UFC. It's basically the same. They cut it in half. You're going to like that. I've done that room, too. Yeah, but I can't sell that many the same. They cut it in half. You're going to like that. I've done that room too. It's where, yeah, but I can't sell that many tickets.

So they cut it in half and then... Yeah, but even cut in half is 800 seats cut. I know the room. I've done it a lot. No, it's more than that. No, the room is like 1,600. 16,000 you mean? No. Which room are you talking about? In the Mandalay

Bay. They got a big showroom. Oh, no, no, no, no. They're doing it in the event center. Oh, I don't know. Where they have the fights. It's where they have the fights. Oh, you're doing it there. Yeah. They cut off half the room to do the weigh-ins.

It's actually not even half the room. It's more like a third of the room. Uh-huh. So how many seats? I think it's like close to 4,000. Yeah, but you get a tremendous following. Yeah. No, no.

It's a great place. But I'm saying that's what I usually do. I only do like that every now and then. What would you be happy with? 2,000 people showing up for you? Yeah, we've done that before. We've done that a couple of times. Yeah.

That would be great. Yeah. We just want to make sure it's fun. Alan Chernoff is his name. Alan Chernoff. Yeah, here he is. Oh, there's Alan. There he is.

Alan, you silly bitch. What's he doing today? He's crying. He sits on the board as an advisor for, hold on, I'll tell you right now. He sits on the board of the Deadline Club as a career advisor for Brown University. Anything but in front of a camera. Wow, that's a strange gig. I hope he's happy.

What's his name again? Alan, A-L-L-A-N Chernoff, C-H-E-R-N-O-F-F. You see, Allen, you never got me down. You never got me down, Allen. I'm still standing, Allen. Do you know Doug Stanhope is friends with the real Jake LaMotta? I love Doug Stanhope. Doug Stanhope lives in Bisbee, Arizona.

So does Jake LaMotta. And Jake LaMotta comes over to his house and plays poker. That's great. He's got his photos of the two of them together. Doug Stanhope lives in Bisbee, Arizona. So does Jake LaMotta. And Jake LaMotta comes over to his house and plays poker. That's great. He has photos of the two of them together. But Stanhope himself is hysterical. We did a show at the Wilton together last Friday. Uh-huh. The End of the Mind calendar show.

And it was Stanhope, Diaz, me, and a band. It was really fun. It was pretty crazy. That's a good show, too. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. Who was the band honey honey they're friends of ours they've been on the podcast a few times really really talented

band they're like almost like kind of country-ish kind of like rock-ish country like they play a lot of banjos and shit the girl has a tremendous voice guy's a great songwriter great musician really cool people too so they opened up the show they did like four four songs then diaz went out and diaz is doing great oh couldn't be doing better he's killing them everywhere he's doing Really cool people, too. So they opened up the show. They did like four songs. Then Diaz went out and laid the flat. Diaz is doing great. Oh, couldn't be doing better. He's killing them everywhere. He's doing a podcast, too, right?

Oh, yeah. Church of What's Happening Now. But he's also, I think he might even be there now where I play at the RIV. At the Starlight Theater. They're talking to him about doing something. I don't know whether or not he's decided, whether or not he's going to do it. I think he was trying to make up his mind whether or not he was going to do that or not. But I think it's a great idea for him because it's a quick flight. It's

a 40 minute flight. He lives in Burbank. You know what? It's the best gig right now in the country for a comic. You know, you make it sound very appealing. I just, the idea of like living in Vegas. No, but you don't have to live there. You know, you could just go. You just drive. See, we drive it all the time. We don't even fly. No, but you don't have to live there. You know, you could just go. You just drive. See, we drive it all the time. We don't even fly. Oh, yeah. You know, we'll drive it, you know, and it's become so, such a regular drive for us. It doesn't feel like a long time. You know, we do it in four hours. Right. What's the best tip? Like, what's the best time to go? Do you have any tips to drive? Oh, when you're driving there? Yeah. About anywhere between 12 and 1.

tips to oh when you're driving there about anywhere between 12 and 1 a.m no no in the morning yeah no in the afternoon you fuck afternoon you get it wrong twice yeah we've come home at night a lot yeah you know we'll get home like five in the morning getting stuck on that drives you know i've been stuck on that drive i stopped no but i could go when when everybody's you know at work so um the going to to the Hard Rock, is it in the new wing? You know, all those new... No, no, no. It's right near where the joint is. It's when you first come in, like you go to your right, it's right in that area.

I know exactly where it is. I saw that. There was a band there when I was there. Yeah, well, that room, the vinyl is a rock and roll room where they put, like, new rock bands. That's perfect for you. How many seats is that? You know, well, it'll seat about 400. And you do that once a month?

You know, yeah, I'll do it, like, two weekends out of the month, you know, two four-day weekends. Wow. So we spend, like, a week and a half there, and then we come home. I've got to start doing something like that. I'm telling you. I'm trying to do one January 9th. I'm trying to find a room for avn i went to a comedy show there with sam tripoli but i have no idea but there were so many you could use uh the laugh factory that uh harry basil just opened there there's a laugh right in the tropicana really yeah is it jamie

masada connected yeah and it's the laugh factory and uh uh Harry B you know Harry Basil right? no no he doesn't you're not friends with Basil Tone? he's not do you know him? I know who he is yeah he's a comic

I really don't know him he actually opened for Rodney for like 20 years and uh so they just opened this club maybe how long ago Val? about 6 months?

it's only opened like 6 months oh yeah get in contact with Jamie then I hear it's beautiful I hear it's you know it's a good Oh, yeah. Get in contact with Jamie, then. I hear it's beautiful. I hear it's a good-sized room. Yeah, and it's doing well. It's kicking ass.

And there's a lot of comedy clubs, but that would be one of the best. Does Vegas have a comedy scene? Do they have open mic nights or anything? Well, you have a lot of them do, but you've got a lot of clubs there now. You know, you've got the Brad Garrett Room. You've got the Laugh Factory. Right. You got, there's a comedy club right at the Riviera downstairs from the Starlight Theater. There's, you know, it's the Riviera Comedy Club.

Right. Yeah, I did that. You know, I know, you know, downtown there's a lot of clubs. I never go downtown. Who books the Riv these days? It's not Steve Schripper anymore. No, I think. There's no way he would keep that after the Sopranos.

No, no. It's just the Riviera books. For folks who don't know, the big guy in the Sopranos, what was his character in the Sopranos name? Bobby. Bobby. Bobby is Steve Schripper. We've known Steve like forever. For years.

Before he was ever an actor, he was the guy who ran the Riviera. You know what? I would get crazy with him, too, because I think he's a talented guy and he's really likable. And when he was doing The Sopranos, I'm like, where's the new show you're going to do? Because even though he played a gangster, he's still this lovable guy. And I'm going, you've got to have an ABC sitcom after this. You're the father of three. It's that simple. Right. And I'm still waiting for it because I love that guy.

It's hard for a lot of those guys to transition from a show that's that memorable. But not all of them. See, a lot of them were real tough guys, like just from real life. Guys that have been in jail. Some of them were real actors. But Sharippa, even though he was with the gangsters, he still has that likability that he could have transitioned very easily. You should try to find out. He might still. They're airing The Sopranos again.

Are they really? Yeah. You should try to find out if you can do it at the Riviera. Yeah. Yeah, the Riviera Comedy Club, that's a good spot. Well, how big a room do you want?

I want like 100, like a smaller room, 150. Riviera Comedy Club, that's a good spot. Well, how big a room do you want? I want like 100, like a smaller room, 150. Riviera Comedy Club, that's easy. I could probably help you with that. What does the Riviera's hold? Does it hold 150 maybe? Well, the Comedy Club probably holds about 300. Does it? Okay.

And then the place upstairs where you were at? That holds like 575, something like that. Was that the place where that Mark Marino used to have, Frank Marino used to have his drag queen show? I think so. Yeah. There's a couple theaters. It's the only theater I saw on the Rift. There's also a thousand seat theater

just like that. And by the way, you've got to use up the word drag queen while you can before they decide to tell you it's too insensitive. You're not supposed to use twink anymore. Do you know that? Even gay guys get in trouble for using the word twink. I never heard it until this second.

Twink in the gay community, a twink is like a small, hairless, sort of boyish looking gay boy. Do you know how funny that is? Do you have any idea why did you have to say that to me? I'll be calling that to people in the audiences. What are you, a twink?

Yeah, exactly. That's the new thing. Oh, I love that. And the big guys are bears. Yeah. Yeah. Now they just want to be called tings, right? But Andy Cohen, the guy who runs Bravo, got in trouble.

He was forced to apologize for calling someone twinks. He had a like – and he'sinks. He had a like... And he's gay. He's a gay guy. And I love his show. I love that guy. A gay guy had to apologize for using the word twink. I mean, that is god damn classic. And I love that guy.

Trannies either. They don't want to be called trannies anymore. I used to call them transtesticles. Well, yeah, that was my joke. I go, you meet the girl of your dreams, right? Like I would start off, I go, you know, first you got these bisexuals. You know, what does that mean? You either suck dick or you don't suck dick, right?

What do you get up in the morning? I got to remember this shit. You know, flip a coin, heads I want, hair pie, tails, balls across the nose. And then I go, now you got these other things, these trans testicles. You meet the girl of your dreams, your whiner, your diner. You put your hand up a skirt, you're holding a fucking tree trunk. You know, this is what the guy said. Okay, this is how crazy people are today.

Andy Cohen, who's the guy's, I guess he's the head of Bravo, I guess. He's always on those shows. He's always like acting as a, you know. Yeah, we watch the show. Well, I guess. He's always on those shows. He's always acting as a mediator. Yeah, we watched the show. Well, this is what he wrote on Twitter. No joke, I just walked right into One Direction Green Room. I guess One Direction is a band. The blonde dude was shirtless, he says.

And then his tweet, hashtag holy twink. What? So he said the blonde dude was a twink. He's like, obviously, he's saying he's like a hot little piece of ass. And he had to apologize for that. Misused word earlier. I just meant they're cute. He tried to write that to cover up his trash.

But that's what we've been talking – because we were talking about it with comedy. But think about that. That's so ridiculous. Yeah, like everything you say, now you gotta, you know, have an apology ready. Twink. Twink is a contentious. Should you call a press conference, get behind a fucking podium, and go, I'm sorry, I called

the little hot boy a twink? Twink is a contentious word and is sometimes seen as a derogatory definition, referring to a certain type of homosexual. Thus, Andy experienced crazy Twitter backlash concerning his comment. What a group of cunts we have. Just a bunch of silly cunts.

Just silly, dumb people. Yeah, now how come people don't get mad at that word anymore? I don't know. I'm going to use that word till the wheels fall off. I will never give up cunts. I will hold on to cunt. You will pry my dead hands off the word cunt. You know what?

You have to apologize to, like, who was it? Like a bingle? Twinks. You have to apologize to Twinks. You have to apologize to the fans, I guess, of the band. That's what he had to apologize for, using that word. But the people were upset that the word twink was a derogatory term. But it's being used by a gay guy.

It's like me calling somebody a gay. Yeah, it's silly. It's stupid. But check out those Twinkles. I mean, they're so adorable. Even in the craziest culture, even in the harshest conditions, most of my family's Italian. If I called someone a crazy guinea and you got mad

at me, you can go fuck yourself. That's not racist. It's me. I will tell you I'm mostly guinea. That's a source of all sorts of problems with me biologically. To say that you can't say that, it's fucking stupid. This guy's a gay guy and he's calling someone a twink. If there's wrong with that, there's no hope for the world.

Well, that's what I'm saying. People talk. You know what? Everybody, like, you know, we can't have that. It's just fucking stupid already. You know, you say a little thing A cute little thing You know he was looking at the guy I mean who dresses better than Andy

Not only that I mean he's dressed perfectly Me and my wife watch the show Because we watch all those crazy housewives You know the Miami You see them They fight They're the only ones worth watching

Those Cuba bitches they they're tropical. It's like Telemundo that you could understand. You know what I mean? Like when we go to Florida, my wife will catch me just watching the Telemundo in all the dressing rooms. Now you can at least understand what the fuck they're saying. It's amazing that just following idiots around with a camera has become awesome entertainment. Sometimes I can take it. Sometimes I can't.

Yeah, this is me too. Because all those shows, it's about the fight now. It's always about the fighting. You know what I watch, man? I'd rather see these chicks banging. All I watch these days is Alaska shows. I've been on this crazy Alaska kick for the last couple of months. It's like four or five different shows about people trying to survive in Alaska.

It's fascinating shit, man. Watching people out there just trying to catch as many salmon as they can freeze because they have to realize that it's going to be winter for eight months. That's all I've been watching. So I watch that and then I watch like the Real Housewives shows and they look so stupid because their issues are so small.

Like in the Alaska shows, they're like, I gotta go shoot a bear today. You can't compare, you know, real life shit to, you know, well, you called me a big name, and, you know, I'm not going to stand for that. And then the one with the boyfriend that just is fucking everything behind her back. But we love each other. Shut up and fuck somebody else already.

Let's start a new storyline here. Why do I got to see 13 episodes of you fighting with a guy that owns nightclubs about other chicks? Didn't you know what you were getting involved in? Didn't you use your fucking head for a split second already? Yeah, you silly bitch. You know, that's what goes on with these girls. It's like, just stop.

It's not for you. Bang somebody else already. Well, it's just interesting that that would even be entertaining to people. It is. It really is. Because... Find so much pleasure. It's almost like seeing two people get out of their cars and start an argument.

You're going to watch it. But when I watch the difference between those shows and these Alaska shows, these subsistence-living shows that I watch, it's fascinating. But how do you even put that with that? But I do because it's humans. I'm just watching humans in Alaska live their life just like I'm watching humans in Miami live their life. They're looking to survive too. The problem is what I think is that all their natural needs have been taken care of as far as like gathering food having a place shelter being protected from the elements I don't have to worry about that

That's interesting to watch because they don't have to worry about that shit Then they concentrate on this bitch says something to me and I'm gonna cut because they're always fucking drunk That's every fucking show every we got I don't want to get angry over reality shows But every one of them, you know, well, let's meet for breakfast and they're opening up Dom. Right. You know, why are we drinking at breakfast? Because you don't have to go collect caribou.

Yeah. And all of them. That's right. You're not cutting a hole in the fucking ice. If you have to go out there and go shoot a bear, otherwise you have no meat in your freezer. That's a completely different situation. That's interesting. That's what it is.

your freezer that's a completely different situation that's interesting that's what it is you know i can't feel bad you know for a girl that's living in an 18 000 square foot home you know drinking liquor for breakfast you know but i could feel bad for the you know the little alaskan guy that might fall through the ice i feel like if i had to choose between living with those cunts in miami or living in Alaska, I would live in Alaska. I'd have to go with the Miami thing. I don't think I'd be able – if I had to live with them, if you had to live in a house with those people or live in Alaska. It's still a check. They're so dumb.

There's so much dumbness. There's so much where you would just like – I'm going to have to hypnotize you people and start from scratch. There's only one way. We're going to have to erase your mind and I'm going to have to program you. I'm going to have to program you. I'll tell you a show you would like because it reminds me of you the way they explain everything happening. What is it?

I shouldn't have been around there, but I was. What's the name? That should be the title of your next album. I shouldn't be around there, but I was. I always forget the exact... I shouldn't be album. I shouldn't be around there, but I was. Yeah, I always forget the exact, she knows. I shouldn't be alive. I shouldn't be alive. Oh.

Yeah, like, you know what I mean? I shouldn't have been around there, but I was. Yeah. I shouldn't have been alive. You know, they decide, hey, what a beautiful day. I'm going to climb the biggest mountain in the world. Yeah, whoops. Thinking, you know, this is going to go off without a hitch.

That guy who had a cut through his fucking arm. The guy who got stuck under that rock. They made a movie about him. Oh yeah. James Franco movie. Jesus fucking Christ. Have you watched the show I'm talking about? Yes. Yeah, I've seen it. And they explain things like you. I always go back to salt. Salt? Mineral.

Oh, there's some mineral? That lady that's still probably sitting there shaking. That monster? I never saw a guy get so mad over it. No, the woman's a monster. She was a monster all night. She was a monster in the audience. She was a monster.

Oh, was she? And she was like a middle-aged lady, right? No, no. She was like late 30s, overweight, angry. No, but that's what I'm saying. And you weren't even looking at her, and she was, like, talking to somebody else about salt. And what'd she call it again? Oh, no, she was telling everybody how terrible salt is for you.

And he's just sitting minding his own business, and all of a sudden, the rage. You know, it was like a show off the stage. And he goes, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you know about anything? Like, he knew her. Like, she knows nothing about anything. anything he goes it's a fucking mineral you tell this story every time because i love because you didn't see your face that was the beauty of that and i explained to you that that cunt had been a problem all night i know but i always forget that part yeah that part's not as interesting

you know but when you know when she was telling people about salt, but you shouldn't have any salt in your diet. I was like, it's a central mineral, stupid. Like, what are you talking about? That's how it started. Yeah. And then you got angry. Well, she threw a cigarette at me.

Then it was Rogan mean. Oh, but I wasn't there for that. I wasn't there for that. Yeah, that was when it got out. But you know my other thing? I know I bring that up all the time. But I like the way you break things down, is what I'm saying. That's why I was really, like, on the show, like,

I shouldn't have been around there, but I was. Like, they break it down, like, everything that's happening to the person, and I know you really understand those things. That show's a bad show. I'll tell you a thing I like to do on different shows with the same guy, like, if it's the same host of a radio show

or something, I love to congratulate them on their wife's pregnancy, knowing there is none. And after the second time, the guy would be like, Dice, you said this last time. My wife isn't pregnant. And I go, no, would she have the baby? And he's going, she was never pregnant.

We don't even want kids. And they get angry about it. And I'll just stay on it every time I come on. But that's purposely. Well, you would have these little things. I love to affect people. These little gags that you would run at the store. We'd have people acting out certain things.

You were videotaping it with cameras. So you'd get off stage and there was a play going on in the fucking hallway. You're like, what is happening back there? You've got to see those tapes. I'm telling like what what is happening you gotta see those tapes i'm telling you what do you do with all those tapes nothing this is what i think the podcast would be i just love filming it this is what i think your podcast and tom green always calls me up he goes let's film something and i'm like for what all i do is film because he likes doing that shit too but he'll actually air it somewhere he'll put it somewhere how how awesome would this be if

you had you just had a humongous box of tapes behind you, all random, and each podcast at the beginning you just grabbed one, put it in, you kind of give like a commentary while it's going on, like, oh, this is from, you know, the comedy store. Obviously, let's see what's going on here. Well, what I was doing there, no, that's actually funny, but there was sense to those tapes, you know know even though it seemed like when he because uh joe would ask me he goes what are you doing with the camera and i'm like i'm filming the show

but there was no show but yet i was making it a show yeah and i really just loved so when i'd come to the comedy store you know i'd start kicking weight and the show is going on in the original room i use the store as my set, you know, and like the newer comics at the time, like, uh, like Steve Renizzisi, you know, Ari, uh, Bobby Lee, these were like the, the new generation of comics coming. So I w I would film all these guys and they couldn't wait for me to get there because they never knew what they had to do. And I would tell them exactly what I need them to say, you know. And I would say, all right, you wait four seconds and you say it exactly.

Like they didn't even have a choice as how to say it as an actor. But why didn't you do something with it all? What am I going to do? But you spent so much time. We were looking forward to it. You have no idea how I was like, well, one day Dice is going to release it. I'm like, oh, okay. One day. Well well my son max says you know we we gotta these are the lost tapes we gotta call them and start putting things on like youtube have them edited into little because there were always scenarios going on how many hours of footage you have oh thousands

thousands you know just madness i have this uh this uh because i did film a lot of stuff career Thousands. Thousands. Just madness. I have this, because I did film a lot of stuff career-wise. There's this young filmmaker, his name's John Myers, and he's putting together, he's logging all my footage now to make a documentary movie. That's awesome. But I filmed all the way back. First it was all the big shows, being

on the road, all of it. I'd get my home life. That's how I started with practicing just filming myself without a crew. And the special comes out this Monday night. New Year's Eve is Monday night, right? New Year's Eve, on show time. What time is it?

10 p.m. 10 p.m. And so it's over at 11. It's a one-hour show. Yeah. So set your DVRs. If you're not going to be home, if you're out partying, set your DVRs and check it out. That show that I saw in Vegas was fucking awesome. One of the best comedy shows I've seen in a long time.

Last 10 years. Thank you, Red Band. We fucking howled. It was really fun. It was just a fun night with you guys hanging out. We had a great time. It was really fun. It was just a fun night with you guys hanging out. We had a great time. It was old school Dice, and it was Anthony Cumia and Jim Norton and Sam. We had a great crew.

Bobby Kelly was there, too. I loved that. You made me love that guy now. Bobby Kelly? Yeah, because I didn't know him up to that point. He's the best. He's a sweet little guy. Just a nice guy, you know what I mean?

Very, very nice guy. And, of course, I had to fuck with him at the beginning when he wanted to... Yeah, can I get a picture? For what? Yeah. You know, we don't know each other, you know? Like, why would you want a picture of us, like, in a book, you know? And then I took, like, 20 of them with him, you know?

He loves you. That show was fucking phenomenal. And that's going to be basically the same set as the New Year's? Well, no, it's more intense than what you saw. But I mean the same material? Yeah, a lot of the same material. So it's? Well, no, it's more intense than what you saw. But I mean the same material? Yeah, a lot of the same material. So it's fucking great, great, great stuff. And it's, like I said, it's old school dice.

It's really like going back to some of your earlier work. Well, it's keeping the voice, like they would say, and just, you know, pounding on people. Aggressive, offensive. Well, yeah, I got pretty aggressive with some guy in the front row that wanted to talk when I'm filming. And I had to threaten him, but I left it in.

Because I know people watching are going to look and go, he's threatening to choke this guy. It was great stuff. It's great material. And if it's even better than that, then the show that I saw in Vegas is going to be fucking sick. Yeah, because I still had months after you were there. other bits came on i appreciate that man i really appreciate guys who are disciplined who really work at stuff and work at putting together a real set and i know you do and i love the fact that you're really into doing comedy again i love the fact when i talk to you about it you're all excited about it you can see it when you perform yeah i get pumped up when i'm coming

it's very fun oh we get pumped up to have you. Follow Dice on Twitter. It's TheRealDiceClay. One word. TheRealDiceClay on Twitter. Everyone else is a phony. How many phony guys you got on Twitter? A lot of them. That's why even on my... What's...

Babe, the new site again, what's it called? Andrew Dice Clay Official. Yeah, Andrew Dice Clay Official is my page. Is there another AndrewDiceClay.com? Well, yeah, there's phonies out there. That's what I'm saying. So we have the name. That's why it's AndrewDiceClayOfficial.

But AndrewDiceClay.com, do you own that? Yes. You have? Yeah. Yeah, okay. So but official. So if they want to go to your website, there you go. Bam.

AndrewDiceClayOfficial, and it's the real Andrew. No, the real Dice Clay. The real Dice Clay on Twitter. And the real Andrew no the real Dice Clay the real Dice Clay on Twitter and if you can't find it just go to my Twitter I just retweeted it or I just tweeted it out there hey which LA Rocks Twitter do you know? LA Rocks the band

so go follow those too you fucks thank you very much brother good luck on New Year's Eve it's going to be awesome let's all have a happy New Year and kick ass in 2013. I'm so excited to see you out there just fucking laying them down again. That's it. All right.

Thank you very much, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks to Onnit for sponsoring the show. Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogan and save yourself 10% off. Thanks to Death Squad. Go to DeathSquad.tv to find future comedy dates. It's linked to pretty much

all of us. And then the T-shirts. And then Friday's show at the Ice House. Yeah, it's 10 o'clock. Tickets are on sale at IceHouseComedy.com. Are you allowed to say Doug Benson's name yet? No. Oops. So he, Nick Rutherford, Kevin Christie, Tony Hinchcliffe, and we got a couple

surprises that... A couple surprises that may or may not be Doug Benson. Wait a minute. What, do you headline that every Friday? No, no. This Friday I'm in Vegas. I'm doing the UFC in Vegas. But you're always bringing that up. Do you normally do that?

Yeah, we do the Ice House all the time. So you've got to let me know. You know, when I'm in town, I'll just come, do a set, come play if you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do a podcast Friday with Doug Benson. I won't be there, though. No, but you go on stage, right? Yeah, I won't be there, though. But you go on stage, right? Yeah, I won't be there this week.

No, not this week. But I'm saying I always see you bring it up. Yeah, we do it a lot of times on weekdays. A lot of Wednesday nights and stuff like that. But I'll have some other weekends coming up, I think, at the Ice House as well. Because I've got a few weeks off in January. I should do a weekend there. I never played it.

Yeah. If you ever want to, let me know. I'm looking up there. It's a beautiful, beautiful, it's like the comedy store without all the cuntiness. Like everyone's nice there. The owner's sweet

and everybody's like really happy to have you there and the crowds are phenomenal. They're like, they're Pasadena's like, they're not like city people. They're like a little bit more relaxed.

It's a loose fucking crowd. They're fun. One of my favorite places ever. Yeah. Yeah. You'd love the shit out of that place. All right, you fuckers. We'll see you next week with guests to be named at a future date.

But we've got a lot of fun people. We're going to have a good time. Thank you, everybody, for tuning into the podcast. Thanks for all the positive feedback about my comedy special. I appreciate the fuck out of you paying five bucks for it. It's a beautiful thing to get so much support and so much love, and we send it right back at you. All right?

So go fuck yourself, and we'll see you next week. Thank you.