The Joe Rogan Experience - #309 - Adam Hunter

Episode Date: January 8, 2013

Joe sits down with Adam Hunter.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Powerful Adam Hunter, welcome to the podcast, sir. It's good to be here. Good to be here with you as well, my friend. And Brian Redvan always. What's up, buddy? How are you? I'm doing great, man.

This is like one of the highlights of my whole career, dude. I'm not even kidding. That's ridiculous, but thank you. I'm doing great, man. This is like one of the highlights of my whole career. I'm not even kidding. That's ridiculous, but thank you. I'm honored and it's ridiculous at the same time. Adam was a really funny stand-up comedian and a big MMA fan. He said something really funny on Twitter. You said it on Twitter, right? Yeah, I said it on Twitter. And I read it on

the air and got in a bit of trouble. I said that You want to say it? You should say it. You said that Martin Kampmann comes from behind more than Lance Bass. Yes. I said, you know, this is a distasteful joke, and then I said it anyway. No, it was great. You gave me credit for it.

And then there was a moment of just awkwardness where goldberg looked at you and he's like and it was the greatest fucking television dude i was on a crew i'm on a cruise i don't get internet i can't watch the fights i'm depressed i'm like working on a ship they can't i'm trying i can't get nothing no no tvs and then all of a sudden i get a text my phone was on it was like dude rogan just blew you up on twitter dude rogan just see you come from behind joke and i'm like i don't know who won the fight and now this fucking happened i'm like fucking i'm like dude and then i'm like thank you bro you don't have no idea how much that meant it was fucking it was awesome people said to me that that's like uh like i've heard criticism like that's not even that funny that's hacky that is hilarious

yeah and if you know who martinman is, and you know, like, Martin Campman has had some amazing come-from-behind victories. So to say that he comes from behind more than Lance Bass, I thought that was so funny, man. Oh, thank you. But I probably shouldn't have said it on the air.

No, it was... Well, first of all, they have Sons of Anarchy on the air, on that network. I mean, this shows... Yeah. Well, people are silly. I mean,

I don't think they care. It's just a joke. And if you do care, come on, you just watch the guy get his fucking face beaten in. It makes people feel any better. Yeah.

If you could have said Anderson Cooper, it would have been just, you know. Yeah. That would have probably been better. But I don't even understand what the,

what the. It would have been better. It would have been better because it feels like you're picking on Lance Bass, whereas Anderson Cooper feels like he can defend himself. Dude, people – I went on one of those forums on the underground, right? People had pictures of Lance Bass and it says, we got your back, bro. I was like, dude, that is the funniest fucking thing.

I was like, dude, that is the funniest fucking thing. And then people were arguing for like 30 pages of threads back and forth on why someone's like the only thing that's offensive as a gay man is that Lance Bantz, assuming that he comes from behind, that guy's a bottom. Like people were like – Well, it's not offensive. It's not. I mean what is wrong with coming? Doesn't everybody want to come? Is that why people are having sex? Well, they just want to just like try it real quick and then stop dude and then someone wrote this is how the

holocaust started well that's just someone trolling that's just like what are people but i was like yeah it was unbelievable that i was like then i tell that joke to everybody i tell everybody that joke it's a funny fucking joke man Dude, and it's funny because I started the MMA Roasted like about a year ago. And like literally my page has like 5,000 followers. MMA Roasted has 18 – 6,000, 17,000 followers. Like it blew up because people just are like – people seem to love it because they try to do it in a way where it's not disrespectful but you're still making someone laugh. Yeah, you walk a fine line. You're making fun of trained killers.

I know. That's your Twitter. Your Twitter page is all goofing on trained killers. Absolutely. But they need to laugh too. If everyone – why should – they should be – to me, when you make fun of someone, I'm trying to do it in a way where it's like I'm roasting them.

I obviously respect that person and it's trying to make you laugh. Dude, the fucking pages of shit that you showed me that you have on East Fighter. them like obviously respect that person and it's trying to make you laugh to you know dude the fucking pages of shit that you showed me that you have on each fighter i have 50 pages of jokes about each fight and like but it's like no it's cool that i did i saw them it's ridiculous you have so many and they're really good ones man you got a bunch of really good ones oh thanks man one of my favorite one was uh well steven seagal said he wants to fight Randy Couture, but no witnesses, just like his last 20 films. It was like, and then I like, one of them, I wrote, one of them was like,

because I'll write something, and all of a sudden I'll get 800 retweets, and I'm like, like the only person who gets screwed from Jersey more than Frankie Edgar is Snooki. Like, just, and then people will just be like, bah, bah, bah. I'm like, holy shit, it became this fucking, like the other night I wrote, if I leave any fighters out and you want me to roast you, please do.

And all of a sudden all these fighters, John Dodson is like, roast me, man. I'm short. And then Mike Pyle is like, what am I, too good to be fucking roasted? Like all these pros were like – I was like, holy shit. And then like 50 people started roasting those people. Well, a lot of guys have a sense of humor. Yeah. For the most part. Like Mike lot of guys have a sense of humor. Yeah. For the most part.

Mike Pyle has a great sense of humor. I think that it's – for some dudes though, they're like, who the fuck is this guy, man? Why is he talking shit on me? I do get a little nervous. You should. I'm not going to lie. I get a little nervous. When you goof on people, man, they get mad.

They don't like it. Yeah. Well, some do get mad. But I try to do it in a way where it's, like, respectful. I don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings, you know. Yeah. At the same time, I try to do it in a way where, like, you know, like, hey, we're just, I don't know, I'm trying to make them laugh, you know. It's hard, though, if, like, someone's following me and then they lose and I want to make a joke and I'm like, oh, shit, I don't want them to see it.

I'm just like. Like, what would you do if Frank Trigg was in the room? Would you tell that – the Frank Trigg joke? Oh, Frank Trigg came to my show actually. I don't know. But I think he started to follow me after those jokes. But I was like – yeah, I said – but would I tell it to him? Probably.

I'd probably show it to him. You would show it to him? I would try to gauge his reaction on whether or not he's laughing or not and then base my reaction on what he's going to laugh about. People are like – we talked about the joke before the show. Oh, about – What is it? I don't even know. I said Frank Trick beat his wife so bad that Bob Sapp topped out. And then I started making fun of Sapp the other day and Sapp started following me.

And then followers started making – and then I felt bad because followers were making fun of him. And I was like – so then I started making fun of Sap the other day, and Sap started following me. And then followers started making – and then I felt bad because followers were making fun of him. And I was like – so then I started defending him. And then Bob Sap goes, it's all cool. It's like whenever we all toast when we roast Bob Sap. So I'm like, great. Bob Sap at one point in time was one of the scariest human beings on earth. There was a run that he had when he beat Ernesto Hoost twice. Dude, he beat Ernesto fucking Hoost.

Yeah, who at the time was like... Kickboxing, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was craziness. And he did it just with power. Just sheer Hulk strength. Yeah, no, Bob Sapp was a beast. I mean, like his nickname.

Dude, that one... There's two fights that he had. Have you ever seen these, Brian? You should pull these up. Bob Sapp versus Ernesto Hoost. Because if people haven't seen this fight, you really don't understand

how big Bob Sapp was. Because he doesn't even look like a real human. He doesn't look real. He looks like some CGI. Bob Sapp versus who? Ernesto Hoost. He was a huge star in Japan after that who Ernesto Hoost he was a huge star in Japan after that I mean he was Ernesto Hoost is Mr. Perfect one of the greatest kickboxers of all time yeah and he was like incredibly incredibly technical and he would just chop chop away at you

with leg kicks and knock dudes out with head kicks like set you up with leg kicks and take you out with a head kick very technical like Dutch Muayay thai and bob sap just bum rushed him man just 370 pounds with abs look at him look at this video look at the size of him jesus fucking christ that's a human look at the size of bob sap when he was in his prime. He was gigantic. He was a character in a movie. Look, he's getting kicked and he's just fucking moving forward, wailing on him. And you're talking about a guy who's just started kickboxing like maybe a year ago. And he's in there with Ernesto Hoost.

And look at how he's punching. Look, he's no technique. All heart and muscle. Just gigantic. Look at the fucking size of him. Yeah, he's a legend. And look at Ernesto Hoost just chomping away at those legs, trying to take them out. And Sapp keeps moving forward. He's trying to check his legs.

He can't even lift his legs up. They're so fucking big. He's trying to check his legs. He can't even lift his legs up. They're so fucking big. And Ernesto's slowly starting to get to him. He's tagging him here. And Bob Sapp is still moving forward.

I don't care how much muscle you have on you. Ernesto Hoost is teeing off on your face, son. Boom! Big leg kick. And Ernesto's just... teeing off on your face, son. Boom! Big leg kick. And Ernesto's... Oh! He drops him with a left! Left to the body. Look at the technique. Beautiful left hook to the body. Now you gotta

think, how the fuck does Bob Sapp win this fight? How the fuck does Bob Sapp get up and win this fight? Keep playing it. Watch this shit. It's like a 10-minute video. Watch this shit, though. This is where it gets crazy. Ernesto Hus is fucking crushing him here.

And Bob Sapp starts moving forward again. And he's holding on to him with one hand and throws him to the ground. I mean, this fight is insane. This dude just got dropped by vicious left hooks to the body just a few seconds ago. If you wanted to look at, like, a guy who would be, like, a genetic experiment, how big can a guy get and still fuck other dudes up?

You can say Bob Sapp right here. But it's not for very long. You can only do this for a couple of years. Look, he's eating those leg kicks, man. You got to go, how the fuck is he still there? Yeah, that's insane. Oh, again, he gets hit with that left hook to the body. Jesus Christ, Ernesto Hughes just hit him with like 10 unanswered clean shots to his head.

And Bob Sapp is still there. He wasn't even thinking about kicking him. he's even thinking about kicking him just go to the end of the fight so we can watch the end of it because in the second round Bob Sapp comes back and stops him you watch that first round and you go how the fuck did that guy get out of that

round Ernesto Hoos was teeing off on him he just kept plodding forward and this is the end. He starts fucking just bombing these hungry, hungry hippo punches on him. Look at this. Look at this. Boom.

And then the referee comes and stops it. It's a Mario. That is incredible. But you know what? I got to think that was a premature stoppage in watching that. It's a shame those guys weren't around. A lot of those guys didn't peak now. Because those guys, it's like the first NBA players or the first baseball players.

There is no shame in Bob Sapp's career and how he came along and when he came along. You can't say it's a shame. Because the Bob Sapp days were some of the most incredibly exciting fights ever. His fight – first of all, his fight with Minotauro. There's a reason why that fight was so exciting, and the reason was Bob Sapp. I mean Minotauro is an amazing fighter. No doubt about it. But watching Minotauro dismantle regular fighters was one thing.

But the fact that he was going to take on this superhuman was a completely different entity. And obviously it was important that it was Minotauro because Minotauro had such great jiu-jitsu. He could handle a big dude like that and roll with all the shots and then get to a point and finally submit him, which he did. But you've got to realize that the Bob Sapp factor in that fight was the reason why it was so exciting. It was like this fucking giant freak. This guy that's like 370 pounds with a giant six-pack. And he's picking you up and slamming you on your head. He slammed Minotauro down on his head, like wrestling style.

head like wrestling style that those those fights his fights with um ernesto hoost the kickboxing fights that he had those are some of the greatest fights to watch ever agreed just ridiculously entertaining so i don't think this you can never say it's a shame bob sapp didn't come along you know because when he was around like i said you can only stay that big for a few years. Right. But what he did was just fucking crazy. You know? You can't say that guy doesn't have any heart either. You got to look at that beating that he took with Hoost. You know? He's just not willing to take beatings anymore.

Yeah. Like, now he just goes down and I guess he just doesn't have it in him to, like, really try to beat the best guys anymore. Sort of just living off his name. Right. It's kind of unfortunate. off his name. Right. It's kind of unfortunate. Yeah, I think so. Because at one point in time, like I said,

he fucking beat Ernesto Hoost. I mean, Ernesto Hoost was trying to kill him, and he survived, and the referee stopped it. Although I do agree that it was a quick stoppage. I don't think Hoost could have absorbed more of those shots. He was standing straight up. Right. You know?

Those kickboxing matches though, that's – they're doing this glory. They had this World Series where they had – they fought four times in a night. Did you see that shit? The one recently? Yeah. I saw it. I read about it. I didn't see it.

It's pretty badass i i hope they keep doing it yeah i know that uh what's the name uh crow cop one last weekend yeah yeah crow cop one and then um he had an mma fight right he won by armbar armbar yeah yeah he looked good yeah and then tim sylvia lost yeah he fought uh ishii right yep yeah Ishii, right? Yeah. Yeah, Ishii looked good. Yeah, I saw that too. Yeah. It's hard to find good fights outside the UFC right now. Absolutely. You know, there's like, I think Bellator puts on some good fights.

And it was Strikeforce, but now Strikeforce is going away. So it's like you got to rely on like Dream, on Dream, and Dream doesn't put on that many shows. But they just had a nice one too. Did you see that Melvin Manhoof and Dennis Kang? Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. I love Manhoof.

That was a great knee. Dude, Melvin Manhoof is a scary guy. Yeah, Kang's great. They're both scary guys. Kang's very scary. He's very good. Dennis Kang is one of those guys that if he got it all together put it all together on any given night he could beat any given fighter in the world you know he's one of those guys that like when you

when you see him and he's like really on he's fucking sensational you know he's had some really good fights a really good ground game too but he's had he's had some mental lapses and shit. It's fucking hard, man. It's a crazy sport to try to do that sport for a living and have your sanity dependent on it. And then as you get older, you start reevaluating your priorities, and then you've got to kind of rededicate yourself to something. Yeah, I know that from – I wrestled in high school and college, and it was like my whole life it was wrestling.

And then when I stopped doing it, I was like, now what am I going to do? That happens to a lot of athletes. It happens to a lot of people. I got really lucky that I found stand-up comedy at the exact same time I was stopping competing. It was pretty organic, the shift from one to the other. But I had a lot of friends that they just would, nothing seemed as real and as fun as competition. Yeah. You know, I have friends that Jiu-Jitsu competition is that way to them.

You know, for some it was the karate tournaments or kickboxing or whatever it is. Like the thrill of competition, even though there's a lot of stress behind it, the thrill is like it's really hard to wrap your head around yeah absolutely i mean that to me right yeah i mean it was like the biggest rush and you put so much into it and then you come down from it you're just like oh man you know now what now what yeah luckily i i got i had a talk show in college but i ended up getting sued for 20 million dollars what yeah it was like. You had a talk show in college? Yeah, because I wrestled in high school.

That was my whole thing. And I went to college, and I'm like, what am I going to do? I wrestled for SUNY Binghamton. I actually got a scholarship to wrestle at Hofstra, and I would have brought on the same team as Barone and what's his name? And Jay Hieronymus, which would have been insane. But I went to Binghamton, and i was like after i was done wrestling i was like what am i gonna do i want to like you know get something going so i used to

prank the local television every thursday night they'd be like i was like hey yeah because i was cutting weight and i was miserable and they'd have a serious political conversation hey you know debating who debating my dick and then hang up the phone oh my goodness so then i ended up going down to the station got my own television show called Deez Nuts. Your show was called Deez Nuts? Yeah, yeah. And I invited this girl. People would call in and be like, you suck.

I'd be like, oh, blow me. I had nothing to talk about, kind of like now, but I had nothing to actually. So I was like, this girl came on that everyone hooked up with named Hannah. Everyone started making fun of her. She goes back to her dorm. People start throwing water balloons at her. And then they cancel all the shows on Binghamton Television.

Because of my... And she sued me for $20 million for negligence because I didn't stick up for her. But I didn't ask her to come down. So then that was the highlight of my life at that point. I go, I want to be a comedian. How do I get back to this?

To have my own talk show? Wow. Dee's nuts. Really? i don't know man it was yes i was 17 17 yeah well i'm glad there's no record of me like that from when i was 17 i would have done some stupid shit if i could have my like my own internet show when i was 17 oh people would play it back today and be like, look how douchey you were. Oh, yeah. No, not that you're any douchey, but yeah. Everybody's douchey when they're 17. Absolutely, man.

It's almost impossible to not be. It's too confusing. And plus, we were raised by our parents. I've never met a single person raised by parents that knew what the fuck they were doing. Yeah, that's true. Those bitches were winging it in the 50s. My mom left when I was three. Whoa.

Yeah, so that was like... Dude, why are you bringing me down like this? I'm not. I'm trying to get you to know where I'm coming from, dude. I'm not just a guy making fun of Bob Sapp. Okay, okay, okay. I'm just fucking with you, man. I'm sorry.

I'm just fucking with you. I'm sorry, man. Anyway, I was trying to make you laugh. That's how comedians talk to each other, ladies and gentlemen, okay? There's no real animosity there. We fuck with each other. I was was trying to make you laugh. That's how comedians talk to each other, ladies and gentlemen, okay? There's no real animosity there. We talk with each other. I was just trying to make you laugh. So you lied about your mom?

No, I didn't. No, I brought it up. It is true. It is true. I swear to God. Oh, okay. But I was trying. I brought it up to make you laugh.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Not that that would make you laugh. How would you figure that that would make you laugh? I'd be like, ha, ha, ha, fucking three-year-old. No, the fact that I'm bringing it up to make you laugh would make you laugh. I don't know. This is some weird parallel universe. I haven't talked to my dad since I think I was seven.

Oh, really? Yeah. So I know what you're talking about. Sorry to hear that. It's all right. It doesn't bother me anymore. I'm sure it did when I was seven. Yeah, well, I feel like that, when you lose something when you're young, like a mom or a dad,

to me that was the inner rage, in me at least. Yeah, that's what they say about boys in divorce as well. They say that girls, like when parents separate, girls get sad and boys get angry. Yeah. It drives them. If they feel abandoned, it drives them to try to succeed at things. And anything. And to me now it's comedy.

That's why I love MMA so much. To bring it back was because of wrestling. To me MMA is professional wrestling. Not like pro wrestling, the WWE, but that's our major leagues. Right. Yeah. So I always root for those guys. Right.

But I wouldn't have gotten into wrestling if it wasn't for the rage of my mom leaving. And then I wouldn't have gotten into wrestling if it wasn't for the rage of my mom leaving. And then I wouldn't have gotten into comedy if it wasn't for that rage too. So now I can bring it all back by combining MMA and comedy. That's funny. Have you ever done – I mean you've been doing these roasted videos now. Yeah. And have you ever done anything that you wish you pulled back? Have I?

Yeah. Have you ever said something? Yeah, I said, I go, Brittany Palmer, more guys have pulled out a 151 than Brittany Palmer. And then I think it hurt her feelings because I met her before that and she was super sweet and kind. And I kind of like burned a bridge there because then I felt bad because I was only, it was only a hearsay that she took. She said in a video, I like fighters. There's a video of her on YouTube saying, oh, fighters are cute or something, how to pick up Brittany Palmer, whatever it is. So I figured if she's comfortable enough with that, then I could say that.

Well, that's ridiculous. Listen, man, if you're a girl like Brittany Palmer, they do these questionnaire things, and I'm sure they ask her, like, how do you feel about fighters? She's like, I love fighters. Am I being set up? Is the whole UFC outside, right? No. I'm going to walk outside. There's going to be 50 fighters and Brittany Palmer.

I would never do that. And Bruce Buffer and Goldberg. How dare you? I would never do that. Nobody would do that. This is like. Nobody wants to set you up. Look, I think it's funny.

I love her. She's a nice kid. She's, you know. Yeah. But she's a girl. And girls don't like dudes making jokes about pulling dicks out of them. Absolutely. I understand that.

But there's always got to be a victim in comedy. I understand. I'm on your side as well. I try to make it myself. Listen, I work with those girls, and they're very nice. And they're nice to me, and we're friends. So I would never crack jokes about them because I love them. They're sweet girls. But when you say something like that, I have to laugh. were friends so like i would never crack jokes about them because i love them they're they're

sweet girls but i you know when you you say something like that i have to laugh it's funny and i have that you laugh because there's a certain truth in it if i like and and that's why you're laughing if i would have said kim winslow's more fighters have hooked up with father than kim winslow you would have been like uh no fighters. Well, no. First of all, you're just assuming that she's hooked up with fighters. I do know. I know of one. So I'm not assuming. Okay.

Also, it's very womanly and gossipy because you haven't had conversations with her about this. No. You and her haven't talked about – so this is just you finding out about her dating life online which is not online no from people from friends of fighters or fighters themselves so i'm not like okay yes i understand now now i've just made it worse no no no no but i was gonna say but it's funny and that's the problem it's funny and even say, but it's funny. Exactly. And that's the problem. It's funny. And even though it's operating on a perceived notion that these attractive girls would mate with these attractive guys. Oh, yeah. Perceived.

For legal reasons. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, man. Fuck. To represent people correctly. Yeah, I know. I got another. But my point is it's still funny.

So you got to say it. Thank you. And you know what? And if you're a person that's getting mugged on like that, you have to laugh at the good ones. Right. I know. It's fucking funny. That's what I always like.

My comedy, I'm on a storyteller comedy. I tell jokes, really quick one-liner jokes. Right. Twitter is great for me. It's like an online focus room. I get to tell a joke, and you get 50 people, 100 people, at all hours of the day. It's great.

Yeah, you're really like a Twitter writer. It's funny how styles of comedy are so different. Some guys, like Ari Shaffir, for example, he writes in long bits. He writes like he'll start talking about something, and he'll explore a subject, and then he'll write this long bit. Whereas you're like 150 characters, you're good.

130 because you've got to get it retweeted. She figured this out. That's so silly. You've got to stop at 20. You've got to stop at 20. But can't you just hit the retweet button? And doesn't it just retweet everything? No one sees that.

What's that? No one sees that really. Really? It gets cut off or something. No one sees the actual retweets? Well, a lot of people have it set so they don't see retweets. Oh, right, right, right. Why would you do that?

That's silly. I find out most of the cool shit from retweets. Yeah, absolutely. If someone tells me something, you know, like if somebody sends me something really interesting and then I retweet it, you know, I'm retweeting it because it's interesting. something really interesting and then I retweet it, you know, I'm retweeting it because it's interesting. I would. Yeah, but if you retweet it the opposite, the way of putting the RT before it, more people will see it than as than actually just hitting the retweet button.

So I'll start doing that then. Oh, really? Got to do that? Just write RT. That's a lot more work. Yeah, man. Why are you making me work so hard? A lot more people.

It's just work having to remember that. The actual work probably is the fact that I have to remember it, you know? Yeah, maybe I should use a tweet deck. What's the best shit to use? I like TweetBot. TweetBot. Okay. Yeah.

It's stressful, man. Did you see Alex Jones? Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What happened? I tweeted about it. I watched it.

I tweeted about it at a red light. Yeah, this is – I guess he was on – Yeah. Whose show was this? Pierce Morgan. I'll give you the background before. He puts – Alex Jones, because Pierce Morgan said that we should take our guns. We should no longer – that the Second Amendment no longer applies in today's age and with all these school shootings and shit.

We should figure out a way to control the guns well alex said that he's not even an american citizen he should be deported for saying such things and challenging our second amendment rights so uh pierce morgan like the sly devil that he is invited alex to go on his show and so alex went on his show and promptly, promptly lost his fucking mind. Promptly, completely went off the deep end. He looks like a chubby madman. And I love him. You know, Alex is my brother.

I love that dude. Every time I go to Austin, I hang out with that guy. We eat dinner. I do his radio show. We did a cool backstage interview with me and Brian recently. I fucking love Alex Jones. And he's right about a lot of shit is that the documents but these are those the documents he's got the documents those are the documents play play it though violence level but overall mugging stabbings deaths you those men raped that woman in india to death with an iron rod four feet long you can't ban the iron rods. The guns,

the iron rods, Pierce, didn't do it. The tyrants did it. Hitler took the guns. Stalin took the guns. Mao took the guns. Fidel Castro took the guns. Hugo Chavez took the guns. And I'm here to tell you, 1776 will commence again if you try to take our firearms. Doesn't matter how many lemmings you get out there on the street begging for them to have their guns taken. We will not relinquish them. Do you understand? That's why you're going to fail, and the establishment knows no matter how much propaganda, the republic will rise again when you attempt to take our guns. First of all, pause it right here.

Pierce Morgan fucked up. He fucked up. Pierce, what have you done? You let Alex Jones on your show. You just let Alex Jones go off on your show. You think it's going to help him, though? For sure it'll help him. You don't think people are going to look at that and be like,

this guy's out of his mind? For sure there's going to be that as well. Did he start mimicking his accent at one point? Yes. It's like when Howard Dean was running for president, remember? He flipped out and he's like, we're going to this and that and that. It reminds me of that. And he went, yeah!

Remember? Yeah, he went crazy and then that was it. They're like, we're not getting this guy to become our president. That one sound that he made sunk his whole campaign. It's kind of the, don't you think that people are looking at the message that this guy's doing is out of control rant lunatic how did howard dean never recover from that howard you need to like get your shit together come back he was like strong he was like oh he was up there and he's a strong candidate man smart guy governor of vermont right yep that's a little sketchy how many fucking people are vermont 20 people up there

yeah i mean come on let's be real it's true we're probably gonna get tweets from people in vermont dude fuck you there's way more than 20 people it's amazing up here i know i like skiing okay i went to high school in maine that was pretty amazing yeah you were talking about that where where'd you go i went to a boarding school called the Hyde School. It was like for kids who needed alternative education. It was really good though. Alternative education? What does that mean? Alternative to regular school, which was a problem because –

Yeah, because I was hanging out with the wrong – I was getting bullied a lot and I was hanging out with the wrong kids. And I thought if I hung out with the tough kids, then I would be tough. But they just kicked my ass and made me do horrible things. An awful strategy. And then I was angry at my stepmom. My dad managed Alice Cooper in the 60s. He's like a hippie great father, but he was poking a lot of pot back then. My stepmom, we didn't get along.

Now we do. But anyway, I got sent to boarding school pot back then. Whatever. My mom – except mom, we didn't get along. Now we do. But anyway, I got sent to boarding school for troubled kids. Wow. You couldn't lie, steal, cheat, drink, have sex. So you were like a bad kid. You were on your – not that it was your fault. It was my fault. I'm not going to take – yeah.

I wasn't a bad kid, but I definitely had wrong energies. I could have been focusing on more positive things in my life i think for a lot of kids life is like a really super complicated puzzle that doesn't have a directions book absolutely where the fuck where am i going for most of us like by the time we're like you know someone's telling you get a job get out of the house you gotta get a job and you know move out on your own and you're like what did you motherfuckers teach me like you didn't teach me enough life skills to sustain myself like the worst thing i think you could teach a kid is that adults are always right yeah because you assume that they're older they're right and how many

dumb asses do you know at our age you know oh yeah yeah this is the age doesn't mean anything as a matter of fact there's a lot of people that I used to think they're really smart, but somewhere along the line, they stop thinking. I don't know what the fuck happened. Sometimes I think I'm smart. A word will come up, and I'll be like, what does that mean? And it opens up a whole book of things I don't know, and I'm just like, oh, Jesus. I'm like, I got to learn some shit, man.

No one can be smart in this day and age. You can be reasonably knowledgeable. That's the best you could hope for. There's just too much information today. Joe, I feel like you're wired, and I'm not trying to kiss your ass or blow you or anything, but I feel like you're wired in a way where you know so much more stuff than the average Joe. I'll read your Twitter sometimes, and sometimes i'm like three o'clock in the morning five like like 12 1 4 and all different subjects and i'm like when and then you're touring

and then i'm like when this guy's got two kids when does this fucker sleep like how do i get some what this guy has you know like you don't you know tweeting doesn't require that much energy i know but you're always like on to some fucking – you're always in some weird island or traveling the world or like at a comedy show or doing – I'm like, when does he have time to do jujitsu for fucking two hours a day to get a black belt? I'm like, fuck, man. You just do it. I could do a lot more. I'm lazy.

There's a lot of shit that I could be doing that I'm not doing. But I like relaxing. I like playing pool too. I like's a lot of shit that I could be doing that I'm not doing. But I like relaxing. I like playing pool, too. I like doing a lot of shit that's not productive. Yeah. But the reason I have energy to do it is because it's all interesting shit. Like, if I'm retweeting something that I read at 2 o'clock in the morning, it's because it's cool. Like, it's interesting.

Right. Or it's weird or it's disturbing, maybe. Maybe it's something I think requires discussion or thought. I just just gotta get more interested i guess that's the problem man more interested yeah sometimes i'm like man i think i would know stuff if i gave a fuck about that yeah like well right now you know you're you and i are in different stages of our life too and you're in the stage of your life where you're trying to you know make your name as a comic and you know you're hustling and trying to put shit together you got and you got no time for that nonsense like constantly out there trying to fucking oh hustling man like i mean literally i got back from nevada an eight hour trip yesterday i got into a car accident

on the way back i did three fucking 360s into the fucking thing got home and hit to the wall got home wow coach wrestling at like three at 3 o'clock for my middle school wrestling team I coach with Einstein, which is a blast. But it's like, the other day in practice at the inner city school, I go, hey guys, we have practice tomorrow. He goes, I can't. I'm like, why? He's like, I have court. I'm like, fucking middle school wrestling team.

I'm like, what is this? Yeah, me and Connor Hewn coached together. Me and Connor was the coach. And now I coach with Einstein, Scott Epstein, which is cool. And then fucking came here. It's like hustling is like – but I feel like I was always hustling, man. Like 12 years ago, I was giving out flyers in the street in Times Square

begging people to come to the comedy shows. And laundromats performing. Where was that? was that out here? in New York City oh you said in Times Square? yeah was that out here? did I really ask that? that's how much I'm paying attention to you right now

thank you man, I appreciate it just kidding, sorry it's me fuck man that method of getting people into comedy clubs that actually works in New York so many people are walking you can hand them flyers and they'll go,

fuck it, we'll try. People will stand out in front of places. Dude, I used to have it down-packed where I'd see tourists look up and I'm like, fuck, got them. As soon as they look up, they're looking at wherever got them. Then I'd bring them into the comedy show.

It'd be me and the seven other comedians that were giving out flyers. So they're looking for something to do. Yeah, and then lying to everyone, saying, oh, comics from MTV, VH1, comedy. Meanwhile, it's us giving out the out flyers. So they're looking for something to do. Yeah. And then lying to everyone, saying, oh, comics from MTV, VH1, comedy. Meanwhile, it's us giving out the fucking flyers, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then trying to make them laugh.

As soon as you get on stage, you're like, that's the fucker who gave me the fucking flyer. Like, how funny is he? Then I would walk half the room through the entire room, because I was the dirtiest. People were, like, from Oregon or whatever, except for the two chicks that were hot, and I'd get them back to my room and smoke weed and try to bang them i remember uh in the early days of comedy uh dudes always had fake credits like they would

say you've seen this guy on mtv's half hour comedy no you hadn't yeah you've been on that shit no it's like but to say that just saying saying that, made a bar in Andover, Massachusetts, make them accept it. Okay. Guy's been on MTV. Let's see what he's got. Exactly. Yeah. The one time I was plunging the toilets at New York Comedy Club to get on stage.

And it was like a prom show where after the prom, like, they bring the kids to the comedy club. And all the comics left because the thing was late. So Ozzy, this guy ozzy he goes how much time can you do i'm like two minutes he's can you do 45 i'm like sure you know and then and then i'm back there and then the guy goes comics next comedian's from mtv vh1 i'm looking around like who the fuck is here they're like adam greenberg and that's my real name it's almost like so then i fucking walk up there and uh and do 45 minutes for these fucking kids. Why did you change your name from Greenberg to Hunter? Well, I mean –

Because Hunter is not a douchey last name unless you call yourself Hunter. It is. And then it gets tricky. Well, I'll tell you why. Doesn't it? There's actually a story there. It's actually a real story and it's going to be – this is kind of sad actually. Oh, dude.

You bumming me out again? Fuck, man. For those at home, we're playing, okay? We're buddies. Yes. We're all joking around. Yes. I'm not going to say fuck me out again? Fuck, man. For those at home, we're playing, okay? We're buddies. Yes. We're all joking around. Yes. I'm not going to say fuck me until I get in my car.

And I didn't really say, is Times Square around here? Because I was thinking of something. I wasn't really shitting on him. That was fake. So, Hunter, so anyway, I used to work at the volunteer at the Ron McDonald House for three years in New York. I was like the head volunteer. I'd make them all laugh. I'd bring dates, actually.

It was a good way to – no, but I would. Did you really? Once in a while, I'd bring a girl. But that was not why I did it. That would be impressive. You did a show there? Well, yeah. We did shows with the kids and worked with the kids.

Oh, she would think, oh, my God, he's so sweet. Exactly. The one time, though, it backfired because I brought my ex-girlfriend, and she's like – and this little who had like cancer who's like five she's like oh i'm like hey this is my friend she's uh uh you're not as pretty as the girl adam brought last week oh snap i was like you fucking cock oh my god but that was wow that was like one of the best times of my life those kids were awesome but the one kid's name is hunter and so my my so my dad kept telling me that everyone hates Jews in Hollywood and that everybody – What?

And that I'm never going to make it if my last name is Greenberg because people don't want to see a big office, box office guy. You don't see Brad Pitt. You don't see Tom Cruise and Adam Greenberg. You got to change it to something. And so then finally I was like, all right, I'll fucking change my name. I was like, you know what? This kid's my best. I'm like his best friend. It'll always remind me of a good time in my life with these kids.

I changed it to Hunter. That's very sweet. That is a sweet story. I think you would have been fine with Greenberg. I think so, too. Especially in the world of stand-up. I know. It was like the dumbest.

Were you crazy? Then a month later later I'm like Dad, that was the stupidest thing. The Jews are going to be upset that you don't claim them. I know. I had Italian people that were upset that my name was Rogan.

They're like, I thought you were Italian. I'm like, I'm mostly Italian. But my Irish grandfather, that's always his name, Rogan. That's where it comes from. So it's like one quarter of that and three quarters Italian. But the fact that they can't claim you. Well, I don't think they were trying to claim me. The Jews would be very upset.

You're not claiming them. I'm not disclaiming them. I am Jewish. But you were worried about Greenberg. I was worried about my dad actually. And any time we get into fights, I'm like, I should have been a father of Greenberg. I'd be famous by now.

You're not that old. So I always kind of had that over him. That's hilarious. I did it for the opposite reason, because of Reichel. You know, like Third Reichel. Yeah, Reichel's a rough one. Red Band to Reichel makes sense. And because you had that name just because it's the band that goes X-rated or R-rated movies.

Yeah. To let you know that some dirty shit is about to happen. Yeah. So that made sense. Reichel. But Greenberg? I know. I know. Greenberg is fairly normal.

And then my high school, my nickname was Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie.

Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie.

Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie.

Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie.

Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie.

Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie.

Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie.

Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Greenie. Oh, what the fuck, dude? It's a cool nickname. You lost your identity. Fuck, man. I know. Well, no, I still have my identity. I'm still happy with who I am. Well, no, it's a cute name when you think about the story behind it. Yeah, which at Last Comic Standing. You shouldn't say cute.

When I was on Last Comic Standing, they kept trying to get me to tell that story, and I wouldn't tell it. You saved it for this podcast. Well, because I was like, they wanted me to be like, like vote for me and then hold up a picture of the kid and I was like like it's like I was like no I can't I'm not gonna do that like I was like I can't you know. Who was producing that show? I don't know I mean it was I was happy it showed a lot for me I went from feature to co-feature. Adam Hunter, he'll be here all week.

What is it like doing those boats? Oh, the ships? The big cruise ship. You know what? I have a girlfriend, so it kind of sucks because literally if you want to get – it's like the pussy you can get. You're not supposed to fucking bang the passengers, but it says like – but you can get you're not supposed to like fucking bang the passengers but it says like but you can fuck the staff

and it's all full of like the massage girls and like the dancers and you come in as the comic and then the guests all fucking surround you after the shows they're like

that's the good part and like and the good part is sometimes I'll be like in Aruba or Cancun or Puerto Vallarta and in the fucking ocean

at like noon that everyone paid thousands of dollars. And I'm like, I'm getting paid for this. Like, this is fucking awesome. So that's the good part. And the shows, 300 people every single show, you know. And five shows every two days. And the money is fucking great.

That's the good part. The bad part is that, you know, the same crowd comes to every single show. So you got to do five shows. So like I got to do five 30 different, 30 minute shows different. Cause you're like doing different jokes, right? Doing different jokes, right?

Oh my God. Oh my God. And it's just you up there. Like the lady goes, give it up for Adam Hunter. And then you go up. There's no like, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And one funny, me and my girlfriend broke up for like a week one time.

And I hooked up with like the chick that did that did that and i'm like give it up for for uh you know jennifer she was the best blow jobs on the ship i was like ah meanwhile she really was giving me the best blow job how rude yeah all right maybe it wasn't that funny okay but uh not for jennifer it wasn't jennifer that wasn't her real name i changed her name good um she would laugh and shake her head be like oh jesus oh adam oh adam but the the the uh break dancers are the ones that clean house those guys get all the fucking break dancers yeah because they're with the guests all day long and teaching them how to dance it's all cougars oh oh that's hilarious there's a wow so there's like a

whole like ecosystem on a boat, huh? The Filipinos and the Indians, they put on the bottom. The Italians on the top. Really? They get the best view because they're part of the Italian Navy. It's like a whole – it's – Wow. Now, did you freak out when that one boat hit the fucking rocks in Italy?

Where did that happen? I think that happened in – I forgot where that was, but that was pretty crazy. Yeah, when those people died. Quite a few people died. And the guy did it because he was trying

to show off to his girlfriend and get closer and then he didn't show off too well. Moron. What a crazy fuck. And then he, and then he like left the boat

and left everyone else. But anyway, back to the happiness, the cruises, it's so easy to get like, pussy on it because the guests are all like surrounding you and you're like the star of the ship. And then I like went downstairs. I'm like beating off angrily in my room.

Don't be angry. Why are you beating off angrily? Because I wanted to bang the chicks and I'm faithful. Oh, I understand. But why the anger? Fuck, man. I wish I could fuck those chicks. I don't know it's really shouldn't put angry and fucking together like that to just try to keep that out of your head i'm sorry dude i mean that's how i

that's what i wish my vocabulary was better but that's what those are the words going through my head as i'm no i'm just fucking with you but you can't get porn on the shit that's the hard part no porn at all no they block the porn. It's just like... Oh, that's so silly. How do they block it? It just says, like, this website is blocked. Oh, web porn. Right.

Yeah, yeah. Nobody has, like, hard copy anymore. Everything is, you know, you porn. But the cruises are funny, like, because they have, like, special people go on the cruises. Like, I did the Boys to Men cruise. Like, they were on the ship performing. Yeah. And then, like, the Boys to Men cruise. They were on the ship performing. Richard Simmons has a cruise.

What? He only brings a couple hundred people. The rest of the cruise is for regular people. Dude, a cruise sounds like it could be madness. He gets up and starts dancing at breakfast. All these fat people start getting up and dancing. Not everyone is there for the Richard Simmons cruise. So people are like, why the fuck are those fat people dancing right now?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. So it's not the whole boat. No, it's like half the boat. Oh, no. And people are like, is that Richard Simmons? What the fuck? Could you imagine if you're like, we're going to go on a vacation. We're going to get on a nice boat.

I'm going to sit back with a cocktail and no one's going to bother me. This is it. I got a nice cigar. I worked hard for this moment. And you're sitting out there with your bathrobe on with your fucking slippers. And it's just a sea of giant women dancing. The gayest man who's ever lived. And they're dancing in front of you every day.

And the women are crying, and everyone's emotional, and they're hugging it out. Everyone's hugging it out after class. No, it's ridiculous. And you're transfixed. I've had people try to fight me on the... On a boat? Yeah.

Whoa. Not fight me, but one time I was on stage, and this woman was going to the bathroom, and she was a lesbian, but I didn't know this. So I was like, where do you go? Change a tire or something? And then she's like, give me the microphone. So she runs up, and I'm holding it above my head,

and she's jumping for it. And I was like, the crowd's laughing. And I'm like, well, you can tell she's not good with cocks because she can't grab the microphone. You know, I'm just saying whatever sticks down to my head. It turns out she was a lesbian. Yeah, she was. And she was having fun. People get wasted on these ships. I'm just saying whatever sticks down to my head. It turns out she was a lesbian. Yeah, she was. And she was having fun. People get wasted on these ships.

I mean, they get wasted. It's good. Yeah, right? It's good money. Some people, when they go on vacation, they go too far, man. You get too drunk. Some people are just so excited to get drunk.

They're just so excited to just fucking wash it away for a few days. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I've seen people go crazy. On the 311 ship, someone jumped off it. What's a 311 ship?

When, like, the 311 performed? The band? The band, yeah. They had a cruise. They had their own cruise? Yeah. And someone jumped off the boat?

Yeah, to, like, because in Jamaica, you're, like, 50 miles out or something. He's like, I can make it. Oh, no, he didn't. Yeah.

He tried to swim 50 fucking miles. Oh, my God. So what did they do? He broke his arm, and he had to go rescue him. Oh, my God. He broke his arm hitting the water? Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ, son.

Could you imagine how bad of a feeling of, oh, my, I fucked up, you would be if you were one arm in the water broken, 50 miles from shore, and you're such a douchebag, no one even says anything. Yeah. Let him fucking swim. Oh, I saw someone get knocked out at a bachelor party one time. He said something to a girl. A bachelor party.

He said something to a girl. And the girl's boyfriend was there, came and knocked the dude out. And the bachelor party just dropped him off in Miami and left him. They're like, oh, we don't like him anywhere. So who got dropped off? The guy who got knocked out? The guy who got knocked out. Oh, so he said something fucked up.

Yeah, it was his fault, but the guys just left him. And so the other guys continued on the trip? Yeah. That's kind of a win. That's definitely a big win. You can put that one on your record. Definitely a big win. You can put that one on your record.

If you can knock a guy out and you get to party on the boat that he used to be on but he's not on anymore because they pulled him off, there had to be more of that story. That guy had to be an uber douche. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, people must have saw that coming. There must have been plenty of documentation there. See the wedding video where I did the comedy where the guy attacked me at the wedding? Yeah, what was that about uh what happened was they hired me to like do i get i get i'm on this like thing called gig masters or like i'm sure other comics now i gotta go on it but basically like you get hired to do these gigs right so i got one one week i got hired to do like these random

gigs like one week i got hired to do a uh a baby shower where i'm doing comedy during a baby shower and like the chick was fucking hot this hot brazilian chick but she hated her husband or something and like whatever so uh like i was like dude how the hell did you get her you know you're not gonna be able to she was hot brazilian but i think she hated the family wanted to have a comic to piss everyone off because she was pregnant basically that's what happened but this other thing at the wedding so they'll like roast like, roast everybody, just roast everybody, and they don't give me anything, like... To go on?

To go on, just go out there, pretend you're the priest, marrying people, the minister, and then start roasting people. So I'm like, all right, fine, a thousand bucks. I'm like, I'll do it. Oh, my God. So I'm like, dearly beloved, and they're both, like, she's an army, he's a marine, and they, like...

Oh, my God. It's all marines in the crowd in the backyard of Apple Valley, right? Now, how many people are in on it? 200 people. No, just the bride and groom. That's it. They're the only ones in on it. Only ones in on it, right?

Oh, my god. They give me nothing. So I show up with my two friends who have video cameras, right? So I'm like, dearly beloved, we're gathered here today, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm like – I'm starting – and then the next thing I know, I'm like, I start doing material. Like, how did you get her? Look at her tits. Oh, no, you didn't.

And the father. Look at her tits? Her tits were nice. She was a pretty girl. I was like. So then the father's looking down, like, shaking his head like, this can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening.

So now I got to do. You're supposed to be a priest. I got to do 45 minutes. No way. I swear. 45 minutes at a wedding. So I start going to the crowd. I'm like, fuck it.

My friends are videotaping it. They told me to be as dirty as possible. They don't care. So I'm like, if they don't care, I don't care. They're the ones paying me. So I'm like, how many girls here shave their vaginas? I do my whole vagina. My whole vagina piece?

Are you really about to say that? I have issues. 30% of the crowd was like, 20% was laughing. They were like, 80% were shocked. Then people were pissed. Shocked, pissed, laughing.

Next thing I know, I'm roasting people in the crowd. People are having a good time, but this one guy, I like oh look it's bon jovi's uh stupid brother like you know i was like you know so he's like he gives me the finger like fuck you dude i'm like look sorry your band broke up right the guy charges me at the wedding and pushes me he's like motherfucker he warms so he fucking i They're laughing. Yeah, people were laughing. That's the guy I'm talking about. How's it going? We have Bon Jovi here. He gave me the finger. Nice job, dude.

Went to go to a wedding wearing white shirts and white socks. That's good, sir. I can see your mammal toe from the stage. It's not good. Your band is not going to make it, sir. I'm sorry. You got to return those highlights. Oh, come on.

Dude. I didn't charge you. Really? Yeah, really. This is a joke good. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going to charge you. Fuck you. Really? Yeah, really. This is a joke. This is what I get pissed. Sorry, the band broke up.

All right. Wow. Thanks. Take care, man. Whoa. Don't stop believing. Well, if anybody else wants to do their wedding, let me know. I'm going to be playing the divorce party next week.

So that's edited. That's like the last part is edited. I had to do 35 minutes before I said anybody else wanted to do their wedding in between that. Wow. So then it was like – then it was going well for us. What did you do? It was actually getting – after that, people were kind of bonded together. That was awkward. By that guy pushing you?

Yes. So then it went well? Well, definitely not well. I'm not going to go there. That's got a lot of credit there. It went better than that. So then I start going, and then the mother starts yelling at me, going, no one wants to hear about your sex life. So then I'm like, oh, it just gets – then I got to do 10 minutes after that.

No one wants to hear about your sex life right so then i'm like oh it just gets then i gotta do 10 minutes after that and finally the guy about your sex life oh dude it was so awkward so i'm like want me to do clean jokes it's whatever and on the cruises you gotta do 30 minutes crystal clean so i'm like i had 30 minutes clean jokes because there's like kids there on the cruises anyway so anyway so then after that after that happened i had to wait to get my check. And that guy is pacing around inside. And I'm like – and people are like – a couple of people gave me their business cards to do my weddings. And this clip actually I got contacted by a company in England. It's going to be on a TV show in England, like the 10 worst weddings of all time. And they gave me another thousand.

So I was like, yeah. That's funny. But yeah. Yeah, that's a gig that you got gotta take oh it's one of those money gigs yeah like how am i gonna do this uh fuck it i'm just gonna do it i've had so much but i've had so many of those kind of experiences were like just doing terrible terrible gigs you know so what do they what do you get them like someone called a club and say we need a comedian to do something yeah exactly or like yeah some bizarre you want to hire a comedian to do something. Yeah, exactly. Or like, yeah, some bizarre...

We want to hire a comedian to just be an asshole at our wedding. But I used to work at Playboy. I was the warm-up comic. That was the hellest gig ever. What's that? On the Playboy channel, they had this thing called Night Calls

where it was like Jesse Jane and some other girl, Kirsten Price were hosting it. They had like 15 naked chicks scissoring each other and fisting each other. Jesus. Just craziness, right? It's like Brian's house. I'm not fisting each other. I mean, they were scissoring each other and fisting each other. Jesus. Just craziness, right? It's like Brian's house. I'm not fisting each other.

I mean, they were scissoring. Not Brian's house. So what ended up happening, but they would have Steve-O was on, Tony, Tony, Tony would perform, some random talk show. And the show was like, why it's okay to cheat or something? And I was the warm-up comic. So I got to do comedy while they're not filming. And the crowd is like 20 people that don't want to be seen there and i'm blocking their view of 20 naked chicks

so people are like what i'm like sir where are you from you know and they're playing music over me like yeah i've had some of the worst it's almost like when you want to have but you know you got to do it as a comic you gotta brody stevens is Oh, yeah. Brody's the master of the warm-up. He's got it down to a science. Don Barris is awesome at it as well. Yeah, those guys. Yeah, those guys that get it down. They get it down to a science, you know?

Absolutely. Brody would have you call asking him to repeat jokes, you know? Me and Brody used to do the laundromats together. Like, and Demetri Martin. Laundromats. In New York City. We used to do laundromats. And Andrew Donnelly. I remember that do laundromats and Andrew Donnelly.

I remember that. Those were like, Andrew Donnelly had the funniest joke. He's at the laundromat doing comedy. He goes to the dryer. He goes, let me put this on.

No career. There was an episode of Opie and Anthony where they were talking about New York comedians and how the difference between the New York comedians and the West Coast comedians is about New York comedians and how how the difference between the New York comedians and the West Coast comedians

is the New York comedians are fucking brutally mean to each other oh yeah all the time like constantly fucking with each other dude I

but it's like it's expected and appreciated it's like fun dude one time I used to play basketball with like Kevin Hart Patrice O'Neal

Rich Voss Jim Norton right and I was like you guys were playing hart patrice o'neill rich voss jim norton right uh and i was like you guys were playing basketball at three o'clock in the morning they called me they called me open mic you're open mic they passed me the ball i was open like like keith robinson i mean all these so one time at three in the morning they were playing basketball three o'clock in the morning we'd also play basketball and kevin hart was sick he light everyone up he was the best one by like by far i mean three in the morning yeah three o'clock in the morning, we'd all play basketball. And Kevin Hart was sick. He light everyone up. He was the best one by far. At 3 in the morning?

Yeah, 3 o'clock in the morning, we would find some – I used to go to the comedy cellar. I wasn't like pastor, but I would hang out there and then go play basketball. I'd go with the comedy basketball. So what ended up happening was one time Steve Marshall is a funny New York comedian. He's a really funny guy. He goes, what if there's a gang here? What are we going to do? Whip out our tape recorders?

And then Jim Norton goes, press play, they'll run. I was like, that is a funny, I couldn't believe it was right on fucking cue. I was like, dude, that's a brain

that I admire, man. Jim Norton's hilarious. He's made single-handedly trannies okay to talk about. It's okay to talk about your tranny experiences single-handedly. Yeah. Yeah. He's funny as hell, man. He's an animal.

I love that guy. That whole Opie and Anthony show is the best show on radio. That whole Opie and Anthony show. It's the best show on radio. That's consistently hilarious, fucked up, weird. And Norton consistently makes me laugh. Oh, Norton is so funny. He's just so fucking crazy. Yeah.

He's so off the deep end crazy. He's fun, though. That East Coast sense of camaraderie is different, too. There's more camaraderie, I think, amongst comics on the East Coast sense of camaraderie is different too. There's more camaraderie, I think, amongst comics on the East Coast. I feel like East Coast comedians, a lot of times, that's all they want is comedy. Right, right. West Coast comedians, sometimes people, they do comedy, but they also act, they produce. They're trying to get something. Yeah, they're trying to get something in show business.

Instead of just trying to be a comic, they're trying to be famous. There's a lot of that. We've all seen those guys that go up that aren't even really comics, they're trying to get something in show business. Instead of just trying to be a comic, they're trying to be famous. There's a lot of that. We've all seen those guys that go up that aren't even really comics. They're kind of actors. And so then they just sort of act like a comic, which is nothing wrong with that. I get more mad at the audience for laughing at it. I don't get mad. I get disappointed.

I'm like, this is what you guys find funny? And then I go, maybe I'm not funny because this is what they're laughing at. Well, if you've never been to comedy before and you know you're not like sophisticated in the ways of the hack joke yeah someone could catch you yeah you just go there especially if you're young but it's not even the hack joke that bothers me it's like at least there's a joke in the hack joke it's like the act out look how talented i am scream this method worked for somebody else so now i'm going to do it. There's a guy that I came up with.

He was ahead of me a little bit by a few years. But he had like a – it was a weird act. It was like a completely contrived act. Like everything about him was contrived. Like he would wear like a jacket that had like a gas station attendant jacket. But he didn't work at a gas station you know he would you know he would like he had a like a look and then he had like an act and this act that he was piecing together i went and saw him before i was uh before i'd ever done even stand-up i was thinking about doing stand-up so i went to see

some comedy a bunch of times and i saw him and he made me laugh i thought he was funny like a couple things i thought it was really funny then i started doing comedy and then once i started doing comedy i realized oh this guy sucks yeah i thought he was funny like i i thought just like a year ago that you were funny yeah and then you realize all the the mechanics behind everything and you know like what he's doing is just like reallyunky, overused bullshit, no heart behind it, no real point of view. He's kind of a dick in real life. You're like, oh. Yeah, that's happened to me before.

Especially the first guy I ever opened for on the road after that prom show, this guy Gemini. His name is Gemini? Gemini. Yes, he's a white guy. I get a phone call from this booker. He goes, guess what? I got you booked in South Carolina. It's going to be amazing. I'm like phone call from this booker. He goes, guess what? I got you booked in South Carolina. It's going to be amazing.

I'm like, oh, this is great. Myrtle Beach. The next thing I know, a giant van pulls up with this guy, Gemini, and he had this black puppet named Sonny, right? And he had a dick puppet. You know how they say, oh, the guy's got a dick puppet? He actually had a dick puppet, he had you know they say oh the guy's got a dick puppet he actually had a dick puppet right like swear to god so i like go in this van and we would drive to cassie's comedy club and i'm like oh and we were like we should stop off in baltimore or something on the way and we're doing this like holiday in with all black people he whips out the

black puppet i'm like we're gonna fucking die like they're gonna kill him you know wow but it was actually pretty funny. Moral of the story is he had a dick bucket, but he told me a funny story that this actually goes somewhere. He was driving with Sonny, the black puppet, one time, and a van got caught on fire, got into a car accident, and he was sitting there watching the van burn down, and all these kids are there, and he's like,

oh, people that are watching this, he goes, oh my god, my fucking puppet jumps inside. Everyone thinks he's rescued this black kid because he's carrying it and he's carrying the head, right? And it's so burned down, it falls down and he starts throwing his voice.

Going, it's okay, I'm all right. I thought it was a funny story. I wanted to share the story. That's probably the best story I've ever heard. Fuck, man. That went so bad. I wanted to share the story. That's probably the best story I've ever heard. Fuck, man. That went so bad. I was trying to end strong on that. This is why I'm good at Twitter.

It's all right, dude. You swung and you missed, man. It happens to the best of us. We've all been there. Come on. Look, I told the story last week to someone. They were like, you've got to tell that story on the fucking somewhere. Did you follow it

completely Brian most of it yeah I wrote it out okay I have it written I will send you the story if anyone wants the story I will email them the story

of how it really went down sounds pretty important yeah yeah what else going on can we transition this is a part of the podcast where people click on to the Adam Carolla podcast.

It's also available online. Fuck, man. Are you going to AVN this year? I went to AVN last year. For the people at home that aren't freaks. I didn't actually go, though. AVN is the porn awards. Look at how fucked up these two guys are.

Look at where we are. I like this so much more than my story. It's so casual. It's so like, you going to AVN? Probably going to go to AVN. You going to go down there? Probably go down there. Thank you for rescuing that story.

There's no fucking... You know what we were talking about too. Yeah, but the folks at home, like a lot of people, like don't know what the AVNs are. I know. It's the Adult Video News Awards, Porn Awards. And it's from – like CES used to be on the same weekend and it used to be the ultimate place because it would be like the Porn Awards on one floor and then the nerd awards on the other floor. Yeah, why'd that stop? I think it was just too awesome.

I don't know. It's too awesome. The universe couldn't handle it. Yeah, I went last year because I was doing comedy that week at the LA Comedy Club

and it was, so me and, I went there last year. It was fun. It was a little crazy. It wasn't as crazy. You know, anytime that everyone

knows about something, it's never as good as if no It wasn't as crazy. You know, anytime that everyone knows about something, it's never as good as if no one really knows about it. You know? Right, right. Like, everyone's like, oh, oh, AVN Awards.

Everyone's all these, like, guys, like, the paid that, like, are expecting something crazy to happen, which never happens. It's always, like, the parties that no one

knows about, that that's, like, the swinger shit goes on or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, uh... The AVN Awards, chill, everybody's in bed by whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, uh... The Avian Awards, chill,

everybody's in bed by eight. Yeah. They all got their toes with a little cotton in between them and they're reading a book. Meanwhile, those fucking electronics people

are just on meth, raging, face fucking. Roaring. Me and Sam and Doug Benson and Jason Rouse are doing a comedy show the thursday night

at the vinyl at the hard rock cafe what night what thursday night what night is it what's the date for people just listening to this as an audio podcast i think it's january 17th it's at 8 p.m it's a part of the avn package i guess you buy packages like you just hey do you want vip to all these clubs and parties you know one day one day, two days, three days. And so we're doing it. And it's actually sponsored by AVN, I guess. It's going to be at Vinyl, though. Powerful.

We're going to have a bunch of girls. Yeah, dude. That's pretty cool. Fucking, it's awesome. I wish I was there. Brian's out there living it. Nobody invited me to that show. He's out there going gangster in Vegas.

Ready to die of an MMA or MDMA. I guess Eddie Iff's fucking bachelor party is on Saturday night too. Eddie Iff's getting married? Yeah. To who? So it's the same weekend

in Vegas? Yeah, he's like, I'm going to have my bachelor party in Vegas during AVN. What's Eddie Iff? Is Eddie Iff having his own show now?

Is that what's going on? Yeah, it's just Eddie Iff talking shit. It's just talking shit with Eddie Iff but he's keeping the whole talking shit thing. Why not just the Eddie Iff show? Okay? It doesn't have to be talking shit. The talking shit it's just talking shit with eddie but he's keeping the whole talking shit thing why not just the eddie f show okay you know it doesn't have to be talking shit i know the talking shit got him in so much well so like that's my my website is um

on joe rogan.net i have a message board on the message board shit talking 101 is one of the forums and it's always been shit talking 101 but it doesn't really mean you're supposed to go and talk shit you know it just it's like what are you doing i would just shoot in the shit you know like shit talking so it became shit talking 101 like if anybody says like hey you know these guys were online and they said something and it was i really found it offensive and I found it disturbing that anybody would laugh at that. Oh yeah, what was the forum you were on? It was called Shit Talking 101. Oh, come on, you silly bitch.

Like, how could you be complaining about something that you read on Shit Talking 101? Take nothing seriously here. Consider all that you may, but take nothing seriously here it's called shit talking 101 it sounds good to me but talking shit as a podcast i feel like that's you're really committed to that to talking shit yeah exactly you want to be the whole podcast talking shit i totally agree how about just the eddie f show let's make a a plea. Let's try to contact Eddie F and steer him towards the light. Is that possible, Brian? I don't know.

He's funny, man. I got to see him in, where was that, San Francisco or Oregon or somewhere? San Francisco. He was when we were at that Masonic Hall Theater place, and he was over at the Punchline. Yeah. He was really funny. Yeah, that fucking place is awesome, man. The Punchline is awesome

I mean, we didn't work there and he if the punchline now we did a college one time though at Penn State and It was outside like 300 people and it was like the worst gig ever and he's like on the flagpole telling jokes and there were Crickets in the back. He goes. Well, this is only show you can actually hear the actual crickets Actual crickets. The actual crickets. Yeah. I'm trying to think of all the fucking crazy shows I've done. Outside, I did one in a college. It was outside in the mud on a platform at night.

Did you ever do Big Fish? Big Fish? Yeah. I think it's in Glendale, and it's right next to a train track and the whole time the owner and the bartender just heckles you and then every five minutes you're like a train goes by it's like the worst oh one of the one of the worst gigs i ever did was opening up for too short the rapper short dog in england uh in england not in england in uh oakland no oakland yeah okay there's a big difference no no no hey man meet me in oakland

hey man meet me in england they have totally different meanings i know it was in england but uh fuck so um dude i'm on the i'm supposed to do planet gemini in monterey and i'm driving and it says uh uh i'll take the way to the gig and listen to the radio station like tonight Too Short's playing and I'm fucking I'm like I'm supposed to be there that's kind of weird

right so I like go on and they're like oh we have you opening for Too Short no one's there to see me it's just me swear

and it's all like it's me D-Milton and Too Short right so I'm just like cursing after every joke that way they'll like

laugh sort of you know like yeah way they'll laugh, sort of. Yeah, that doesn't ever work. Sort of, yeah, right. Didn't work. Yeah, they realize that you're trying too hard. Right. When you're trying too hard in front of a black crowd, they will not tolerate that shit. Absolutely.

A white crowd will try to be kind and work with you. Black people paid money to hear you talk. And if you're not funny, get the fuck off the stage. Oh, absolutely. And once they start booing, you cannot return., get the fuck off the stage. Oh, absolutely. And once they start billing, you cannot return. There's no pulling out of that. Oh.

You don't pull out of that fucking crash. Yeah. You just get off the stage politely with a fine, how do you do, and get out of there. Yeah, this one.

So then Too Short goes on and he does like three songs. He's like, man, you gotta get paid. You gotta get paid. He goes, you know what? I'm not doing any more songs unless you guys give me two thousand dollars right to the crowd yeah and what yeah there's like a hundred people there so people like pass around a bucket oh come on i swear and

then there's no way i'm telling you like that is the craziest shit i have ever heard then he goes i ain't i'm not gonna do no more songs unless you guys give me $2,000. So like they raise like 50 bucks or something, right? Oh, my God. That is so funny. So then, right? So then he goes, all right, you know what? I want two sperm swallowers to blow me on stage, right?

What? I swear. I swear to God. So then these two fat white chicks go, because I said sperm swallowers, not sperm whales, right? So then the whole crowd starts fucking fighting, right? Like the whole crowd, but like a lot of people are throwing bottles and fighting. At him or fighting each other? At each other because the lights go on.

The cops like, concert's over. It was just one of those things where like a fight. The cops said the concert was over because they wanted to get blown on stage? Yeah, because it was like 2 o'clock in the morning. It started an hour late. It was one of those things. Cops are a bunch of cock blockers, okay?

If he actually got blown on stage, don't you think it would have made the story so much better? All of a sudden, you watch that guy rapping while he's

getting blown? The cops wanted it over because it was over. Right. But yeah, that would have been funny if it was like... Come on, man.

That would have been sensational. So then, right, there's people bleeding. It was crazy shit. I'm just watching all this, right? The next day I come back to the club and the owner is like, hey, man, you were too dirty last night. Shut the fuck up. I swear to God.

I was like, I'm too dirty. What about the fucking riot that fucking happened at your club? That's hilarious. It was fucking crazy. That's hilarious. Well, I think what he was saying is that you know you were offensive by swearing after every joke yeah i know but like what a silly goose he is you can see that he was i mean obviously he'd be like we have obviously we have

other problems as well but there's a bit of a problem with you adam oh yeah i mean he's just running a tight ship imagine if too short let those big girls blow him on stage yeah it was crazy you could have been there to watch that would have been a psychological experiment man that's that to be there live while that happens that's like being in the back of a jeep while you watch a lion take out a gazelle it's like you're watching like real nature in a strange form right there. Two short and two fat white women. And he was like so picky.

If you want to get someone to blow you on stage, you really want the first people to step up. You don't want the one who's thinking hard but not sure. Well, he just made fun of those girls. I'm not going up now. You don't want that. You're supposed to take the first soldiers, the ones. But then again, there could have been like a really hot girl behind them,

but those fat bitches pushed her out of the way. Yeah. And used intimidation in the sheer bulk to get to Too Short. Somebody got arrested for getting blown during a concert. I think it was Luke from 2 Live Crew. Yeah, that's who it was. Was it? 2 Live Crew, yeah. Yeah, that's who it was. Was it? 2 Live Crew, yeah.

Yeah, that's pretty gangster. Look that up. Find out if that's true. Can you look that up? Yeah, it's Luke. Is it Luke? Yeah. What's the penalty for that?

Getting blown on stage? Public display of... Public display of awesomeness. Yeah. It'd be great as a comic. Like if I'm getting blown on stage while I'm telling, like, my therapy jokes. It would have been great if there was a video of it and he couldn't get hard. He was like, I just don't understand why this never happened.

Blow jobs happen all the time at the comedy store on stage. Really? Yeah. That place is so crazy. On stage? On stage. That place is so crazy. And it's a lot of it's guys.

That's how hard it is to pass there now? Guys are blowing guys now just for stage time. Oh, man. That's the worst. If that was the only way to get on stage, there'd be dudes who would do it. There'd be dudes who would say, hey, you know, I don't like it,

but, you know, it's part of the job. They would just fucking buckle, strap down and suck a cock. At least I don't suck a cock, like, figuratively. You know, only literally. I mean, in my real life, I'm making my own decisions. That's when I started to cross over to poetry. Like, when that's not working, just being a funny poet.

Have you ever seen slam poetry? The snapping? When people start snapping, I'm like, what? I can't do that. Oh, the audience, they're snapping when they like it? Yeah. They do that at pool halls, too. I don't know.

That's cool at pool halls. A guy makes a good shot, You do a little of that. Let him know. Or you tap your cue on the ground. You little tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Let him know. But that's some inside shit that you wouldn't be aware of, son. I actually, my friend who's a porn star, T-Real, right?

I was like, he's a black guy. I'm like, hey, man. You and your buddy ever double team a chick? Isn't that kind of weird if you have to do that? You know, like two guys. He's like, it's's just like sports you got to play your position wow that's crazy yeah there was a dude that um um was telling us about this was like pre-viagra days this dude was telling us it's about keeping your edge and i was like what do you mean like keep your edge because you know it's to keep your heart on man because you got to keep your edge and i was like what do you mean like keep your edge because you know it's to keep your heart on man because you got to keep your edge and i'm like what do you mean by like your edge

you know it's like it's a mindset man it's a mindset and it's you got to keep that mindset sometimes it's doing shit you don't want to do and i go like like dicks touching dicks he's like yep oh man yep when you do a double penetration scene, you're not doing it in different dimensions. You're both inside a vagina. And the reality is when two dudes are having sex with a woman at the same time, it's just using her vagina as a container so that you can rub dicks. That's what it is. You're rubbing your dicks together.

That's not sex. I mean it is kind of sexual. You're holding it there. But you just got to get off on that dude's warm, slippery dick. You got to think about that warm dick next to your dick and you got to somehow or another keep your heart on it. When I was in Florida, this chick that I banged one time was like – my friend was like, let me bang her. She's like, I'll bang you and this guy at once. I'm like – What a good kid.

So I was like – I was trying to be a good friend. I'm like, you know what? All right. And then I couldn't get hard. I was like I I was trying to be a good friend I'm like, you know what, alright And then I couldn't get hard, I was like, I can't Another guy in the room, I couldn't do it I couldn't, it was like Well, you're probably gay You're gay because you couldn't get hard You're fighting it so much that you're in denial It bothers you so much

Then I came out the next week It was actually, it was good Then I fucked everybody after that Just fucking a big line of people. I just blew the whole Florida. Well, if you're like passing by those gay clubs on Santa Monica Boulevard, there's a lot of times where I'm like – like these people look like they're having more fun than anybody. Like I'm not into the act.

But they're having more fun. But they are, and they look like they're having a good time. It's a fascinating thing. I wonder what it was that made the transition where gay became homosexual. Because it wasn't during Flintstones days. During Flintstones days, it was we have a gay old time. So back then, that's what we know as a cultural point of reference. Back then, gay meant we're going to have a grand, gay, wonderful time.

Because they were having so much fun. Yeah, it was a gay old time. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. That's what Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. Right. That was in the fucking song. We'll have a gay old time. The Flintstones, you think the song was made for gay old time?

No. What I mean is, when did it switch? When did it become homosexual when did uh when did it when did it when did gay become a slang for homosexual to the point where it's like accepted as uh like nomenclature gay is like you know lesbian gay bi transgender like right yeah the g is in there for gay you know instead of homosexual it's gay whereas at one point in time but it's amazing because gay became like the actual like common term for it maybe they were having so much fun that yeah that had to suck a cock and then it

became gay but it's it's one of the few names for someone that somehow or another they just enjoyed and incorporated to the point where it's the commonly accepted term for it for gay yeah and it only for homosexual gay is the there's nothing offensive about calling a homosexual person gay but if you look back at gay gay used to be something else yeah and then somehow or another it became gay but to the point or became homosexual but it to the point of it being the way to say it yeah it's not offensive at all gay people use it oh i'm gay you know they they'll use it that way and it's not an offensive term at all it's not i'm homosexual they say i'm gay but it never it never got bad you know it's not like oh i'm a faggot you're like whoa oh dude don't say that for yourself

about yourself don't use that term. Don't use that thinking. But gay is not that. Gay is just homosexual to the point where it's actually on like – you get signed things. Are you gay? You have to – it's weird. It's weird how that one got accepted. Like it's okay. I'm just happy that it's now like during the kid show.

I'll say the gay pride parade and it doesn't offend people. That's the worst when you can't – you say gay something. That's like as a comic. It just brutal you have to like gays are silly and you should be able to make fun of them there's a lot of fun in there or just or just say gay pride parade it's not making fun of it like the joke was like i was at the gay pride parade uh in new york it was the puerto rican day parade and the gay pride parade ricky martin walked 127 miles because he's both gay and puertoican, right? That's very funny. But I'm happy that I can say that

at a kid's show. It's not offensive. That's the worst when you have to like, oh, you can't say gay around kids. Why not? I think it's pretty clear that the standards for what's offensive are changing because of the internet. It's pretty obvious. You know, I point to Fear Factor when I first

started doing it to when I first started doing it, it was like 2002 to what they tried to get us to do in 2011. This is a very completely different level of acceptance. Like they were trying to get them to drink cum. And they did it. They drank jugs of cum. That would have never flown before the internet. There is no fucking way no i love it i love the sons of anarchy and breaking bad and dex another dexter cable but i love the fact that

i chose that i could actually watch and not feel like they're it's always like i feel like in comedy and life it's always that the one person it's never the 99 people it's like oh one guy wrote a letter well what about the 300 people the show who didn't oh well the one person wrote a letter it's like you always have to pin it to that person yeah and i think it's like, oh, one guy wrote a letter. Well, what about the 300 people at the show who didn't? Oh, well, the one person wrote a letter. It's like you always have to pander to that person. And I think it's like, oh, so many people like – it's like, well, was anybody offended? No. Okay, we're fine.

Not that everyone laughed. It's nobody was offended. Well, what they want to try to do is they want to be edgy and they want to take chances, but they don't want to fall. And so then you're not edgy and you're not taking chances. So you'll never get edgy and you're never going to get chances on something like mainstream talk shows. The Tonight Show is pretty squeaky. Except for – you know what? Norton actually said that his sets on The Tonight Show, they give him more leeway than Letterman. No, they gave me – I did that joke on Leno. I did a bunch of jokes on that.

They're like, fine. They're getting more Norton's – Risqué. Risqué, which is great because it's like – They have to. Because otherwise I'm not entertained. I'm not going to laugh at a sitcom that like – I know the jokes are written for a 12-year-old or a conservative housewife. It's not going to make me laugh.

And that is a form of programming too. It doesn't seem like it is but for really stupid people it is when you give them mundane thoughts and mundane art and mundane comedy and this watered down bullshit over and over again and they accept it it's dulling it's dulling because it's like you're you're just watching it because it keeps moving and it keeps being on there keeps being things that are that you can follow but you're not getting anyed that you're actually sitting there watching an artificial reality that's infinitely more boring than the actual reality you live in but you're locked in watching this stupid fake dad with this stupid

fake argument with a stupid fake wife and you're watching these two knuckleheads going back and forth with this artificial resolution doesn't make any sense in the real world well you know we got to keep this family together and like yeah the fuck you're breaking people's brains with that horse shit when you you make people watch stuff like that yeah you're pumping shit thoughts into their p brains and it sloshes around there and that's everything that's why i get upset when you say the Haki comic makes a joke and they laugh, because I think back to that of like, they're laughing at what they've been

trained to laugh at, which is bullshit. Sometimes they're laughing just at a rhythm. There was a lot of comics, especially in the 80s, that weren't funny at all. They would say funny in a funny way with a rhythm. Yeah. Somehow or another they thought that that was...

I work with some of these guys now who like oh i did carson i did leno i'm just like oh man the creativity you know that's one the for a lot of folks it's the most difficult aspect of it the creativity the ability to create bits the ability to come up with stuff that's relevant that's what brian callan i called him up one day and calvin's always's always been kind of a mentor to me. And he's like... Uh-oh, someone's going to fucking hit the rocks. But Callen's like...

One day, I'm like, Callen, man, I didn't get Montreal. My manager left me. I got thrown off last time. Whatever I was telling him, he's like, bro, put your head down and write. Just keep working. And that's, to me, what i have to remind myself to do is just have tunnel vision of like don't worry about what everyone else is doing and everyone else is

succeeding and that's the hardest part for me is to like actually do that yeah that's why we were talking about earlier about you know you were like when do you have the time to look at all these different things and read all these different things well those are the things that are interesting to me because i don't have to worry about that other stuff anymore and when you don't have to worry about like you know if they're constantly scramble and worry like what's going to happen with my career where am i going to be in a year from now am i going to be able to pay my bills yeah when that shit's out of the way you can just concentrate on things that you find interesting and oddly enough i'm more productive that way than i ever was you know in a way where

i was just trying to be productive you know and concentrating on that instead of concentrating on the actual stuff i'm doing yeah but now now because i could concentrate on the actual stuff i'm doing whether it's podcasts or writing comedy or working for the ufc i can concentrate only on that stuff yeah that's what i'm that's the that's the one thing about the ships or whatever. The downtime to create is like I finally finished two scripts. I sold a TV show to Fuel a couple months ago. Oh, really? That's awesome.

Congratulations. Thanks. Fuel actually just got some cable award for being the fastest growing channel on cable in 2012. They gained more viewers on 2012. Yeah, well, they didn't pick it up, but I sold it to them. It's a lot of it, I think, is because of the UFC. Oh, it's all because of the UFC. Because there's so much fight on there. No, they're great over there.

It's fucking incredible. You watch Fuel, most days there's fights on. It's basically like the fucking UFC network. It is the UFC. It's great. It's beautiful. And now I'm like producing another show, you know, and then working on, you know, like I did Leno. That was cool. So this is constantly working.

I kind of get the MMA roasted bigger because I think it's like. Well, there's a, you know, huge market for MMA fans now. And to have like a strict humor site. Like there's a few guys that do like Tommy Tohold. Yeah, he's funny. Hilarious, man. Those things are fucking hilarious. site like there's a few guys that do like tommy tohold yeah he's funny hilarious man those things are fucking hilarious and uh you know there's a few other sites that uh have done like animations and stuff like that the really funny people are the memes people oh yeah the animated gif

i know those make me laugh or even like like someone overrated posted the thread and i'll look down and the guy takes like an 80s – like a 1950s movie. He goes, get out. Get out. Get out with the word get out. Exactly. It sticks it in the thread. It's just like, oh my god.

There was a picture of me at the weigh-ins. Oh. The Cain Velasquez, Junio Dos Santos fight. And I – when I'm at the weigh-ins, see, for folks who – like put it in perspective, all right, for me, I'm a huge fight fan. I've always been a fight fan my whole life. It's pretty obvious anybody sees me do or listens to me, rather, do commentary. I don't have to fake, like, whether or not I'm excited about that. That is, I've always been obsessed with it.

I've always been obsessed with it, with the sport of mixed martial arts. It's, you know, to me, it's the moment of the weigh-in is a really special aspect of that. Because these guys, they're going to circle around each other in the hotels and the lobbies. And they might shake hands even. They might pose for a picture even. They might have to do some press shit together. And they've been thinking about nothing but each other for six eight weeks even more you know i mean for some dudes they're scheduling big fights months in advance right and then they're standing there and they get off that scale and they step towards each other and hold their knuckles in front of each other and they

know that in less in 24 hours just a little bit more than 24 hours, actually, they're going to throw down. Like, all this shit is coming to an end tomorrow. And that moment right there is so intense. You're looking over at Junior Dos Santos. He's a fucking killer. He knocked Cain Velasquez out in 64 fucking seconds the first time they meet. And then you see Cain, who before that everybody thought was the baddest motherfucker on two wheels. And it was going to be a really hard beat that guy.

Everybody was thinking, Kane's just going to put that wrestling pace on you. Keep shooting those doubles until you wear out. And then hammer fist you into oblivion. And that's what he did to Junior. But before this fight, man, you looked at the two of them. And there was so much on the line. The UFC heavyweight title and the fact that he had knocked Kane out in the first round of the first fight. And when Kane raised his knuckle up to Junior's face the same way Junior does,

and they just both stood their ground like that, whoo! God damn, there's some fucking energy in that room. You're like, this is going to be some epic shit tomorrow. The two of them just staring at each other, no one blinking. Right. The two best heavyweights on each other. No one blinking. Right. The two best heavyweights on the planet

ready to fucking throw bombs. That's a funny video, funny picture though. Oh my God, they took that picture and put it on everything. I was babies.

I was coming out of women's vaginas. I was dying laughing during that. I was, that's like, to me, that's the thing about,

like, the great thing about MMA roasted is that, like, half the fans are wrestlers or jiu-jitsu people. Right. Even more. It's like I can never get those people in a room. But on this thing, it's like all these jiu-jitsu – because I see the belts and the gis.

Right, right, right. And I'm doing jokes that no one's going to get but those people. Right. Or UFC fans. I'm like, you know you watch too much MMA when your girlfriend likes a banger and you pass her guard. And people laugh at that because they get it. But if I did that on stage, people are like,

what's pass your guard? What are you talking about? So I feel like I'm speaking a language that only these people speak, which is pretty cool. You could open up my show and people would understand. I bet 99% would understand what pass the guard means probably. Yeah. To me, that's the cool thing is that i'm able to communicate

with people that i never thought i'd be able to communicate with because they're actually guys when i wrestled they wrestled or i did this or i trained they train you know like i love ufc they love ufc which is getting gay again i don't know what happened oh fuck man that uh that is a beautiful thing about the internet the fact that look at this dude that is the funniest thing these pictures are ridiculous the beautiful thing about the internet is that it can't it creates these these are really funny it creates um forget what I'm saying. Fuck it.

It creates communities. Wrestlers can find each other. You can find each other, you know, people that are into comedy or people are into fucking whatever it is. Is that a real photo? Pull that up. The one with – how many different nutty things did that guy see? The fucking guy, the guy who busts people for – what the fuck is his name again? Chris Hansen.

Chris Hansen. Chris Hardwick. He says, no, Chris Hardwick is the nerdest, you son of a bitch. Chris Hansen, yeah. Chris Hansen. Chris Hardwick is a good guy. How dare you? How dare you?

Chris Hansen, how much fucked up shit did that guy say? I mean, that guy saw like one child rapist after another over and over and over again. Nick DiPaolo said the guy is so unlikable you almost root for the predator. That's true, right? There's something about that guy that like you end up – He's a creepy douche. Yeah, yeah. The guy from Cheaters and him both.

Anytime you do a show where you go around busting people well um duncan interviewed the guy from cheaters recently he said it was a really good podcast he said the guy was surprisingly smart i'm sure he said it was really interesting i don't know put it out there no i'm serious probably was smart i think a lot of that show was bullshit too like a big big stab was that bullshit brian yeah you think so yeah oh man i don't think you're allowed to fake stabbing they would have to be like a police record we watched it on a past podcast it's really ridiculous really you think it's fake yeah but i think you went to the hospital no brian calls fake on everything though he's right a lot

though he gets it right a lot a lot of fake shit on the internet. Okay? Don't be fooled, Adam Hunter. Oh, I know. It's true. So these videos that you're doing, how many of those are you going to do? Am I roasted? Yeah.

I'm going to keep putting them out there. I love it. I love doing it. It's fun. I wish they got more hits. Everybody wishes they were more successful, Adam Hunter. Everybody wishes it got more hits. Everybody wishes their tweets were read by more.

I know. I know. I spend a lot of time wishing. I wish it. I wish we could get a well or something. But, yeah, I'm going to keep doing them. I enjoy watching fights. I enjoy having a reason to watch fights.

And I'm producing a pilot now. Hopefully the UFC will – where it's like Chelsea lately but about MMA. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's funny. And it's me and Trip, but about MMA. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's funny. And me and Tripoli are working on it, and Joey Varner. So it's going to be great. That's interesting, because there really is only a couple of MMA shows.

And there's no comedy shows. There's funny aspects of shows, but there's no strictly comedy. So I think this will be good, because you do the topics of the day and the monologue. Well, that guy that's on the Spike show the bald guy yeah yeah isn't he like

he's a comedian or he's a radio guy I think he wants to be like he's a radio guy but I think he's trying to be like the guy on ESPN who's trying to be like

like Jim Rome type like the grumpy disgruntled fan right right right I don't know I think that some of I watched some of this stuff it was a little bit like I wouldn't I would take a different path you know i i try not to be

disrespectful ever well that's a sports guy thing a lot of those sports guys like to shit all over the players and they've never played everybody they've never i mean i think because i mean i'm not saying i got to a high level wrestling but i didn't get to like high level wrestling you know what does that mean son you just contradicted yourself like i got a comma i won the the new england's uh prep school four years in a row i was only the third person to ever do it and then i i won the all new england's twice and then got a scholarship to hofstra by tom ryan but i didn't take it i went to binghamton so i got to a high level but i didn't get to a high level like you know olympics olympics or national division one i wrestled d3 for like a semester.

I get to like a Uriah Faber or Cain Vasquez or Johnny Hendricks. That's a different level. What do you think separates a guy like Johnny Hendricks, like a real high-level guy who's very successful as an amateur wrestler? What do you think separates him from other people? Like a Jake Rockhold or something who is a very high-level wrestler but didn't succeed in the UFC UFC sort of no no no no I mean what's the difference between a guy like that and you know a d3 wrestler or a guy who's not you know we're not to offend any d3 wrestlers I don't have to

be careful with this well because some of them are talented too they're tough but some of our super top right I'm a d. Some of them are super tough. Right. Some of them are D2. I mean, like Kane – Carlin was a D2 wrestler. Yeah. Or D3 maybe. He was D2. And some of the guys – Connor Hewn, a friend of mine, was a D3 wrestler.

They're tough as hell. I just think D1, it's just – the practices are probably – it's just the better caliber. So for Division I, it's essentially if you want to be a competitive wrestler and you're in high school, you look for a D1 college. Versus a D3 college?

Yeah, if you want to be on an Olympic team or some shit. The reason I chose Binghamton for me was I was like, well, I don't want to make it my whole life, but I still want to wrestle. So I don't want to have it all year round. I want to do it a couple months out of the year, And I still want to, but it was still my whole life. It was like, once I got there, because it's the kind of sport, you're as good as you want to be. It's your whole life, you know? But I would say, like, Matt Hamill started off as a D1 wrestler,

placed All-American, went D3. I think he won it, like, two years in a row or three years in a row. So it's just a harder level, you know? But a guy like Johnny Hendricks, why are we on this? What was the? Just the difference. Like what makes a guy? I mean, just more hours of practice.

That's all it is, you think? I think so. I mean, because some of those, to me, you got to go with, well, what testament of wills? How much did they love it too? It's like I loved wrestling, but I also loved the attention I was getting in high school from it because it was a small school and I was a big star, a big fish in a small pond. When I got to college, no one really gave a fuck about wrestling. It was like one of those sports, except for the wrestlers and a couple groupies, but it wasn't like I was in high school. So I miss being that star kind of.

And I was like, well, if I'm not going to be the star. Oh, really? That's funny. What a needy bitch you are. I hate to admit this. I mean. No, it's a very refreshingly honest and a normal way of thinking too, by the way. You know, nobody wants to do something where they, I mean, there's a lot of people that

are doing sports that are very obscure and they have like inferiority complexes about that. Yeah. Like you ever talk to someone who does like an obscure sport you know like they play polo or something they play three cushion billiards or something like that they want to tell you how awesome it is yeah you know it's it's it's weird they like have like insecurities oh yeah well that's the thing i think anytime i think anytime you're an athlete though and you like to me i was i felt like an average kid but then when i got wrestling all of a a sudden something made me special.

And then you don't wrestle anymore. To me, I didn't feel special anymore. And you know what? That's what I'm going to call you a needy bitch. You know I'm only fucking around. Because I was exactly the same way. A hundred percent the same way. And growing up, when I started doing martial arts,

it was the only time I ever felt like I was worth anything. Because everything else that I had done – I mean I was – when I was like 15 years old is when I got serious about martial arts. But other than that, anything else I had done was just like art, like artistic stuff. But I didn't know if there was any future in that. I didn't know. I thought I was a loser. Right. So getting good at something, anything, was like what gave me my identity.

Yeah. I think that happens for a lot of guys, especially guys like you or I that grew up without, you know, one of our family members. Absolutely. I mean, the good thing about wrestling, though, for me, was that not to knock water polo or another obscure sport, but is that it really did teach you about character.

Like, holy fuck. Well, I'm sure water polo would teach you character, too, but there's a different level. There's a different level. The level of not just tenacity, but the ability to endure hardship, and the ability to overcome uncomfortable

situations. I know a lot of wrestlers from high school that fucked their body up. In high school. Dehydrated themselves to the point they looked like zombies, walking around and couldn't eat in the wrong weight class. Getting pummeled on the mat because of it every day. I watched these guys like, I watched a dude who

sold all his brothers like 6'2", 6'1", 6'2", big giant guys. He's like 5'5", 5'6". I'm sure I did that. Because he was constantly dieting. The weight cut though, I would be 18 pounds one week out for the match. Yeah.

And then it was like, okay, just eating just strictly salad, not even anything else. Yeah. He's spitting in a cup all day, sleeping with the windows open, the shiver off weight while you sleep.

Um, yeah. Putting the heat up to like 110 and then, and then trying to put as much layers on so that I would sweat. Then a couple of kids my year died from jumping in the shower with the steam on. They passed out. Jesus fucking Christ. So yeah, that was brutal.

But that, to me, when I used to go in the match at college, the 10 matches I had, because that's what I kind of wanted to prove that I could wrestle on a college level and then stop in some ways because I was always called the prep school champ you know versus like but once I went out there and you were so hungry you want to kill

the fucking guy like I'm like you made me fucking starve for fuck I was getting pussy before wrestling I was man against the anger

and pussy of this guy again look at him see him he put his finger down fucking hard on the table I'm like I'm going to fucking kill this person in front of me

like because this fucker made me starve I'm going to kill him so you in front of me. Because this fucker made me starve. I'm going to kill him. So you would actually get real anger at your opponents? I was angry at myself, my opponent, my life, the whole world. Because I was like, fuck. They made you do what you're doing?

They didn't make me do shit. I made myself. I was angry at whatever. I couldn't eat. The eating was brutal. I think I'm too logical for that. I never got angry at opponents. But I would get angry at The eating was like brutal. I think I'm too logical for that. I never got angry at opponents, but I would get angry at myself if I fucked up. I would get angry at myself

if I lost, but I don't remember ever really being angry at an opponent. Then I started being a dick. If people take a bad shot, I would clap at them. Oh, really? Yeah.

Like while you were wrestling? While I was wrestling, I would hit someone in the head, not even shoot, just to fucking punch them in the head. Wow. Dude, my first, in my middle school wrestling team in Long Island, we were like the worst, every kid was a bad sport.

We'd all cry when we lost and throw chairs and just curse out the other coach. Right, right. And then when I got to boarding school, I tried that. My first match, I lost and I threw a chair and they kicked me off the team. They made me pick up rocks for an hour. One of the really good things about doing Taekwondo as an organized sport was that the school that I did it with, they were really big on manners. They were really big on calling everyone sir. It was Mr. Kim and Mr. O'Malley.

And when they talked to you, it was yes, sir, no, sir. like they enforce this sort of code of conduct in your behavior, it made me like behave like way better in competition than I would if I was just all wild and willy-nilly like a wrestler. Oh, yeah. But then I got to college and I lost my third match and I threw the chair again. Went right back to being a – When did you calm down? Because you're a pretty calm guy now yeah i mean although like i got you know that fight i got with the other comic

yes that other comic that's unfortunate you know the most unfortunate thing is what he said to you while you guys were doing i took his joke right no no not even that we'll die in hell together yeah could you imagine that a guy's attacking you and he says we tonight we die in hell yeah and i was like that's what he said tonight we die in hell how drunk is that dude i mean he's quoting movies from the 90s what movie was that tonight we die in hell uh it was uh gladiator was it glad i didn't know that because i go why did you want to die in hell and then someone told me dying dying and he said he was that's what they said it was dying but that guy was able to channel my rage real quick you know like that's when it sometimes

you don't you think i find in life that i i think i have something under control i think i got it going but sometimes that that one trigger well you know sometimes people can mistake a nice person for someone who's a guy that they can fuck with too. And you're always a friendly guy and that happens too, especially when people get drunk and they get stupid. They just make mistakes. Alcohol is a terrible drug for decision making. It's amazing that we make as few shit decisions as we do because you would really realistically look at the access to alcohol that the modern adult has and how many people have basically got their shit together it's kind of shocking yeah you know we should all be a fucking

complete and total wreck with it just a gigantic laundry list of mistakes that you've made every time you've had a few drinks oh man my girlfriend got banned from drinking on the cruise when I took her with me. That was the worst. I got a letter saying my girlfriend couldn't drink. Oh, that's awesome. She's sober now. That was an issue. That was an issue. Immediately, I'm seeing flashes of people that I've known that have issues and what that could be and all that entails.

Scenes in movies where the girls are really crazy drunk and Adam's sitting there shaking his head while fucking beer is flying in the air and plates are dropping. That was the worst, man. She start fights? With me, she's like, I want to learn jujitsu. She would say jujitsu and hang on my neck. I'm like, it's jujitsu. She just wants you to fuck and hang on my neck. I'm like, it's jujitsu. She just wants you to fuck her. She does want me to fuck her.

That's what that was. No, she would get drunk and it was like, she'd be like, we were in Canada. I'm walking home. It was kind of a, you know. She tried to walk home from Canada? Yeah, but I love her. She's the love of my life and she's great.

She's definitely listening to this. Other podcasts I could do that no one will hear. So it's the same girl that you're with now? Yeah, two years. We've been together. She's half Filipino, half Swedish. Hey, man, people get drunk. They fuck up.

Shit happens. No, alcohol is evil. Evil drugs. For some people, it definitely is. Everybody has a different reaction. I've seen people drink and they get a little silly and that's it. And I've seen people drink where fucking shark eyes, their pupils go black and they're gone. And they're not there. You're looking at them and they're looking right through you.

They're like they're in another world. They're on the Winnie the Pooh ride at Disneyland fucking living their life in bright neon colors and floating honeypots. They don't know what the fuck is going on. I've seen it. I've seen it in good friends, and I know when I've talked to them the next day that they don't have any recollection whatsoever of the night. Yeah, I mean, I know. And I didn't know that, really,

until I started taking, I was taking Adderall for a while to, like, calm me down, and then Ambien at night to sleep. And I would start to have, like, they talk about Ambien zombies. Wow. Yeah, I'm glad, listen, I'm glad you have like they talk about Ambien zombies wow I'm glad you're willing to talk about that

this Adderall problem is a big problem I know a gang of people now it's like it was just only like three a couple of weeks ago but now I know like six or seven people that have had problems with that shit Adderall? Yeah

I mean the descriptions that I've heard from people like seven people that have had problems with that shit yeah yeah i mean well the in the the descriptions that i've heard from people like duncan's description of the the way it makes you feel is just horrific your description is pretty horrific i don't i i just think it reminds me of coke and i don't really like the coke buzz it just makes me want to do more adderall like just like i want to do more coke you know it didn't really change that much for me honestly like it was like it definitely made me a little more focused and kept me up a little more. Just a little more?

Yeah, it wasn't – You're taking speed and it's just a little more? But I'm telling you how I felt. I'm not telling you what – Well, maybe you were a good person for it. I wouldn't recommend it. Maybe it fits you. Yeah, that's what I think.

Well, that's the thing. If I go to a therapist and she said family history. Oh, my mom had schizophrenia. Oh, my dad is in recovery. My sister is in recovery. My brother is in – then they go, okay, what do you need? That's pretty much like how they do it with me. And so then they gave me like Celexa because I was at an OCD battle for a while. Like I would just – like my mind would just not stop going and I would think that I was driving and I hit somebody even though I didn't.

I circled the blocks. High school was rough. OCD was rough in high school for me. What do you think, if you had to guess, what do you think that's based on? Is that something that comes from stress and environment? Is that something that comes from genetics? I think it's genetics. For me, I went to go see a specialist and they said in a 1 to 10, you're about a 4.

And you could either go take psychotherapy or every day you could take a pill, and then I was like, I'll take a pill. So the obsessive-compulsive behavior is based on an imbalance of something? They said lack of serotonin in your head, what that means. So they give you like an SSRI? Is that what it is? Yeah. And then it was – I've been on it for like – well, on and off a little bit, but I'd say on for a good like 10 years, 12 years. Oh, wow.

And the Celexa – and it's helped because I mean I literally – I would like – like whatever you're not supposed to think about is like what you think of. Like for me, how how my mind work you know and so i would just start like thinking that oh my ass is dirty all day like even though i knew it wasn't fucking ass i would wipe my fucking ass and then all of a sudden whenever i got stressed like i had a hot chick one time with their legs fucking spread i'm like hold on i gotta go take i gotta take a shower i gotta like start fucking having panic attacks in my head. Really? And it was fucking brutal, like brutal. And it's based on a lack of serotonin, huh? That's what the therapist said or the psychiatrist or psychologist.

The human mind is so fucking fascinating, you know, that levels of this and that can change things for pro and con. It's really kind of – it's so weird because like that's basically the quality of your life is based on the the your ability to think and move right that's it those are your that's and your loved ones obviously but the quality of your life is based based on some shit that we don't completely understand like how many of us you know are aware of all these different functions that are going off at any given second that allow you to string together the words to complete a sentence yeah there's all those fucking firing going on inside your head and we just hope it keeps going we just hope it makes sense and hope it works and um i i think it's great when there's stories like yours that sort of override a lot of the stories that you hear

like there's a lot of especially recently with the school shootings there's been a lot of the stories that you hear. There's a lot of, especially recently with the school shootings, there's been a lot of talking about SSRIs and connecting antidepressants to school shootings, and there's a huge number. So it's nice to hear both sides of it and hear a positive story that it took you and balanced you out. Yeah, it did. I mean, I definitely didn't, like,

I was always worried, like, take it during wrestling season because I figured I was going to lose it because my friend had a similar thing, started taking it, started losing matches. And in my mind, that was like, well, if I take it, because what happens is your mind just never stops. If I do this, this is going to happen.

You know those, like, commercials they have for, like, this person went like this and then that person that, and this person, and then next thing I know, don't be a whatever. Right, right. You know what I'm talking about?

The insurance – I forgot the name of the brand. Whatever. So that's kind of what happens here. Like, oh, if I don't get a boner right now, then I'm gay. And if I'm gay, I come out of the closet. If I come out of the closet, my dad is going to be disappointed. And then my kids – it just goes on. What is the current thinking on this kind of behavior?

Is it nature or nurture? Because I know that they connect a lot of the way a child becomes an adult, a lot of the weird shit that they have to lack of attention and love and certain things, lack of focus when kids are really young. I wonder what it is that makes someone develop like an aberration in the train of thought, like a weird thing that they can't control and whether it is growing up in a life full of uncertainty when you need certainty the most i mean in order to yeah you know when you when you're a child you want to

think that everything's going to be fine but when you're a child and you realize well there's absolutely no way everything's fine everything is fucking a crazy mess and this is life from here on out and that's how your mind develops. Oh, like before messily matches, like when I was the most nervous, I would call up my dean of my high school and be like, I took two desserts last year. I'm not even kidding. I would do this. And then he'd be like, okay, just go win the match, and I'd go pin the kid. It was like fucking insane.

Well, you just needed acceptance. Yeah. I mean a lot of that is and then it's also but i think also it's i think if you could channel energies like there was a you know i coached wrestling and there's so many kids out there that like if they would just put the fucking effort into like that they put in a world of warcraft or whatever into something else and i'm not saying anything is wrong with world of warcraft but you know then they would be so much more productive right now you see these and that's what you know my high school the hide was about taking kids who are extremely have negative shit going on and taking that

internally into positive like you had to play a sport you had to uh you know talk about your feelings every week for like you know a couple hours a day like you have to go to seminars and i was there with like you had to talk about your feelings yeah you talk about your issues and i was there with like jim belushi's son and shares kid was there and like all these like funny story i actually went to go visit my sister at the seminar one time and i was i was running away from the house and being a bad kid and then that sister they had these seminars that everyone talks about their problems and they said okay lisa was like and my sister and my dad were like, come to the seminar. So I went, and I'm like, okay, don't talk to me about anything.

I'm like a punk kid. Don't talk about anything bad, blah, blah, blah. So right away, my sister, it's her turn to speak. Adam, you don't deal with the loss of your mother. You don't deal with anything. And then I start crying, and I'm like 12. I'm like, fuck you. And I walk out, and I waited in the car for like four days.

I'm like, I'm not going back to those fucking seminars at this boarding school in Maine. So then I'm walking down this hill and my dad is sitting with Cher because Cher's son went there. Cher and Greg Allman, the Allman brothers. And then Cher's like, hey. My dad's like, hey Cher, my kid's having a really rough time. Say hello to him or something.

So I'm walking, 12 years old, 84 pounds. And then Cher goes, hey Adam. I go, hey, Cher, and keep walking. Like, didn't even fucking acknowledge her. I was like, hey, Cher, and just kept fucking walking. Wow. I was like, fuck this. Yeah, Cher had kids with Greg Allman.

I forgot about that. Because I thought, like, you went to school with Chastity Bono? Chast, yeah. No, no, I went with Elijah, Elijah Allman. What is that kid like? He was a cool kid. He was, like, you know, he. I went with Elijah. Elijah Allman. What is that kid like? He was a cool kid. He was like a, you know, he was a really good musician. He was on tour with like Nine Inch Nails or something.

Oh, really? When he was like 16 or something. Man, the kids are celebrities like that. Like your dad's Greg Allman and your mother's Cher. Good luck. Yeah. That's a fucking tough ride, man. Yeah, and that's what the thing is.

That's the beauty of being a kid, but the hard part about being a parent is like no matter how successful you are, like if you don't give a shit about them, like they don't give a shit about you. Well, not only that. It will come out. It will be pretty evident in the way they're raised. You're going to be able to see how much time this person took and spent. Well, I'm not saying Cher was a bad parent, but I'm saying in general. Well, a lot of people are bad parents because nobody told them how to do it right. No one did it right to them, and they don't know how to do it right,

and they fuck up, and they're a mess themselves, and they try to get it together for their kids, but they're weak. Yeah. You know, like most of us are. Most people don't have a good blueprint. They don't have a good directions manual for this life. They're just fucking making mistakes and apologizing and trying to pay as much attention to what everybody else is doing.

You see it from coaching, though. Just coaching wrestling, you see the kids, the parents come to the matches, and parents come to practice, and the parents that don't, and how the kid is. It's such an easy example. Yeah, it's real unfortunate when you see kids that are growing up with parents that don't give a fuck about them. And you go to the park and there'll be one kid and you're like, who's watching you, man? The kid's like four years old and he's just free at the park.

That's the hard part about these comedy shows on the cruises. You gotta do clean shows for little kids. And sometimes kids are like, you're not funny. And a five-year-old heckles you, and I can't say anything back because I don't want to lose my job. So I got my thing. I look at the kid, I go, look at me. I am your future.

And then the kid's just dead in his tracks. He doesn't know what to say. Completely confused. You have to deal with five-year-old hecklers. That's hilarious. But the five-year-old, it's when the parent heckles. That's, I'm like, really? You're going to heckle me on a kid show? They heckle with the kid right there?

Yeah, the parent heckles like, oh, when's the comic coming on? Or something. And I'm like... Oh my goodness. And I'm like, dude, I always say, listen, come back at 11 o'clock at the adult show

and we could have this discussion. You know? Right. But then you turn into the dark, the bitter comic. It's like such a fine line. You know? Well, you know, people think they're on vacation.

They should be entertained. And if they don't think you're funny, they go, I don't even like this. I'm just going to speak my mind. I paid $100 for this thing. And they spout. Yeah. $100 to be locked in a closet every night. But now it's like the crews that I work for, it's young.

And it's just people fucking. Whoa. Like it's, I mean, not like, I mean. That's it? The whole crews? I mean, you just see and it's just people fucking. Whoa. Like it's – I mean not like – That's it? The whole crews? I mean you just see a lot of single people. What kind of music? Like hip hop.

You see like the hip hop club at night. I mean you might as well be having sex. Really? The dancing that goes on is like – I mean the guy has a fucking hard on. The girl has her ass cheeks to him. She's just bending over and he's just rubbing his fucking boner in her ass and everyone's like and this is going on everywhere i wonder how many dudes come doing that just dance just rubbing like this is i mean this is awesome i mean it's

you know they i mean is that cheating if you come while dancing no i don't think it is it's culturally it's accepted it's a dance move. Somewhere along the line, that became the thing, the way that people dance. They rub their ass against your dick. That wasn't normal. That was pretty rare just a few years back. But now it's fairly normal when people are in clubs. It's a lot of fun, by the way, this podcast.

Thank you for having me on, man. Thanks for having me on. I was more nervous about this than I was Jay Leno. Why? Why would you be nervous about it? Well, I don't know. I was more nervous about this than I was Jay Leno. Why? Why would you be nervous about it? Well, I don't know. I was more nervous about this than anything. Because you are like an alpha male. And not in a bad way, but you're Joe Rogan.

You have this thing and then it's like, I never wanted to ask you for anything. Everyone's like, why don't you have Rogan? And I'm like, I don't want to ask him for anything. I don't want to be that guy because I don't want to do that. And I was just sort of like, when I met you a couple times and i was like i felt like i was that nerdy fanboy kid that was like who's gonna win this one who's gonna know and then you look like you couldn't wait to get away from me no no no you didn't seem like that at all man i felt like i was this annoying on your head this annoying kid that bothered you and i and i wouldn't and if i

was you i would feel the exact same way about me i was like who is this annoying kid that's asking me these questions no this is all in your own head man there was none of that going on just thought you were another funny comic that's it it's really simple and then i actually like did dm you once i said hey man will you do this and you didn't respond i'm like great i fucking blew it like he's not gonna no i don't even look at those things for the most part they're too many of them i follow like 2 000 OCD goes on. 2,000 people, unfortunately. I'm going to get all these negative comments, and then everyone's going to say you suck, and then Dana White's going to be like, you're never working. And the stuff that you take stops all that stuff?

No, it doesn't stop. If I don't get sleep, the sleep thing is big. I had to stop taking Ambien. That was the point because I was getting Ambien. I was taking Ambien to go to sleep on the cruises because you lose the three hours when you fly and then you're on a boat and blah blah blah. And I couldn't sleep at night because the shows were at 12.30 at night.

And then I'm up. When I'm up, you know, comedy is adrenaline. When you're up, I'm not going to bed an hour after my show. Especially when five-year-olds are talking shit to you, man. You get fired up. Yeah, exactly. So then I started taking Ambien. My dad, change your last name, dad, says, hey, man, take some Ambien. It will knock you out in a second. That's awesome advice.

What happened to just melatonin? My dad managed Alice Cooper in the 60s. That's the whole thing. What happened to just jerking off? He has a great Frank Zappa bailing him out of jail story. Really? I'll tell you about that in a second. So my dad says, hey, take this Ambien.

So I started taking the Ambien. And then next thing I know, the next day, my whole Twitter was filled with shit that I wrote. I don't remember writing. And I started, like, they said, like, you can go into, like, Ambien zombies state. I didn't think that was true. These people were just bullshitting. I have a whole bit about it, about being in a hotel in San Francisco when it was on fire and all these people were waking up on Ambien. It was so obvious.

And I was, like, literally, I had sex with my girlfriend one night. I was like, hey, babe, what time did you come home last night? She's like, we fucked. And I was like, oh, shit. Like, we did fuck. And then like little memories of us fucking. And she's like, yeah, you were great. I was like, great.

I was like, the best I've ever been was on fucking Ambien. The best you've ever been is a zombie, a pilled up zombie. That's scary on a boat. You could have just walked off the side of the boat in your little zombie thing. Dude, and I told my girlfriend, I'm like, hide my keys if I take Ambien, so I don't drive. But when you're going to say hide your keys so you don't drive, maybe you shouldn't be taking this shit. What kind of tweets did you send out? I was being super nice.

All of a sudden, I was like, hey, Tim Duffy, big fan. When's your next fight? And he responded. Todd Duffy. Todd Duffy. Big fan. So big I know your first name. All these MMA people,

I was answering all my people that tweet me, like, hey, thank you. But then it was misspelled words. It was choppy sentences. You went blurry. Yeah, choppy sentences. I have a friend who has a real problem with it. I actually have several friends.

One that lives on the East Coast. I don't talk to him that often, but he's got a real problem with it. He can't sleep without that shit. But the best sleep I ever got. mean i had that is the other side to it you're in a fucking you're in a coma i'm not interested cma yeah zinc zinc magnesium there's a lot a lot of a lot of different but you know then again my brain doesn't work the way your brain does i get obsessed with shit but i get obsessed like a singular i get obsessed with shit, but I get obsessed like a singular. I get obsessed like there'll be like something, whatever it is, a video game, playing pool, jujitsu, whatever it is.

And then that starts taking over my entire day. And then everybody else is just taking up time before I can get back on the mats again or taking time before I can go play pool again or taking time. You know, I have an issue with that't i'm not like a good balancer you know i do a lot of different shit and luckily it just sort of organically fits together but if it was just me i could go off the rails into the woods on either one of them right right right you know it's almost like i need a bunch of different things to fixate on all the time that's my my issue that's great though yeah i have a hard time just chilling out i can't just like i have a hard time i'm the same way i i know i'm learning how to vacation and that's like some new shit for me i like doing it now like i'm getting i'm getting to the the idea of but but

before i go on vacation i have this wild crazy build-up where like i burn myself out physically so i don't feel bad that i'm not going to work out on vacation. I write a shitload so that I don't feel bad for not writing. Yeah. I don't know. That's my issue. The only relaxing I've been doing lately is watching 12 seasons of movies. That's actually like – I just finished Sons of Anarchy.

You watch that? No, I don't watch that. I watched it once. I didn't like it. Give it another shot. Fuck them. Tough shit. Can't get me. Homeland's got my love. But like that, I'll just watch that. I watched it once. I didn't like it. Give it another shot. Ah, fuck him. Tough shit. Can't get me.

Homeland's got my love. But like that, I was watching the whole thing. Have you seen Homeland? No. Then shut the fuck up about Sons of Anarchy, god damn it. Really? You don't even know how good Homeland is. Homeland is fucking sensational.

It's one of the best shows I've ever watched. I'm on season two right now. You got me in the Game of Thrones. Yeah, I watched all season one, and I was not excited about this other than the recommendations people were giving. It didn't seem like anything that I was really interested in, like terrorist sort of drama. Like, why do I want to watch this? But God damn, is it good. God damn, is it good.

Every time that show ends, I go, damn, that's a good show. And it makes you realize, realize like and really appreciate the artwork of making a great television show because it only comes along like once a year you know once a year you got a breaking bad or you got a sopranos or something like that you know it's like not even once a year it's once every two or three years more so now i think than ever before because there's so many of them on there's's Boardwalk Empire, which is sensational. I just started getting into that. There's, of course, you got the – there's so many – I like Dexter.

Dexter's – I don't like Dexter anymore. I watched Dexter for a little while. Doug Stanhope had the funniest tweet. I gave up on it. You hear his tweet, Doug Stanhope? He said it would be less realistic if they had a cartoon. More realistic if they had a cartoon next to dexter like walking around right and that like i kept picturing that the cartoon with dexter well i

gave up on dexter when uh the fuck is his name john john lithgow john lithgow choked that chick in a bathtub it was the worst rear naked joke i've ever seen in my life it was so unrealistic i could never watch the show again. Dexter took advantage of you. He didn't really choke her. There was no real choking. I'm sorry. You've got to fight back. You've got to try to get out of this.

What, I'm just choking you and cutting your leg? You would be fucking flailing like death. It would be insane. That's so funny. If a guy is going to choke someone to death, there's a struggle involved in that. Even with a chick, you're going to realize your life is on the line. And even if it's fruitless, there's going to be an attempt at it was the worst rear naked choke I've ever seen.

And it made me angry. And as an MMA commentator and a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. You should do commentary over that scene. No, I won't do it. It was fake. Look, this Claire't do it. It was fake. It was just such a... Look, this Claire Danes chick who's in Homeland, this bitch can act her tits off.

She went to Yale or something. She's so good. She's so good. Mrs. Rogan said it best. She said that watching her and then you watch the other people act, you're like, what the fuck are you all doing? Do you see what she's doing?

Because this... I mean, she plays a crazy person in it too and it's just off the chart good she's so good that when you you know you compare it to like crappy acting or boring acting it's just like come on man it's hard because once again it's like people they want to become famous they don't want to actually study the craft and then claire danes went to like Oxford or like England. She went to crazy school too, bro. Let me tell you something. You can't be – you can't act crazy that good unless you know crazy intimately. That's true.

That's a good fucking show, man. That Homeland is a good show. But you think about there's Mad Men now, which is apparently a very good show. Boardwalk Empire. I like Californication. People – I don't – I think it's great. Is that good? I've never seen it. Oh, you'd love it. Really? It's about a sex addict. I think you'd like it. You. Is that good? I've never seen it.

Oh, you love it. Really? It's about a sex addict. I think you'd like it. You think it's good? Oh, it's great. That guy's funny, man. He's so funny.

He's an interesting cat. To go from being the guy from Mulder from the X-Files to being a sex addict. And then in real life, he's a sex addict too. Yeah, supposedly. Supposedly, yeah. But that whole sex addict thing is hilarious. It's a funny compulsion. It's also like one of those addictions that like –

because I went to an essay. I actually went to a meeting one time. I thought I was a sex addict. Why? Because you like girls? No, I went to one. Yeah, because why? Because you like girls? Well, what happened was I had a girlfriend that I was a sex addict. Why? Because you like girls? No, I went to one. Yeah, because why? Because you like girls? Well, what happened was I had a girlfriend that I was sort of cheating on.

We weren't officially together, but we were together. You don't make it official, but you know you're supposed to be together with a person. I see what you're saying. And so you still had a clause. Yeah. Because, you know. Right. Well, we never wrote anything down, even though we kind of live together now.

Right. So then I was like, you know what? I'm sorry. Because what happened? I was actually getting a blowjob, and my phone was on. And the girlfriend heard me talking shit. Like, baby, you like that? Oh, no.

Yeah, when she called. So it was like just a fucking. So I was caught in the act. That's not good. So I said to her, listen, I'll go to a meeting. I'm a sex. I use the sex addict. I figured that was the best way to get out of this. So I went to her, listen, I'll go to a meeting. I'm a sex – I use the sex addict. Like get out – I figured that was the best way to like get out of this.

So I went to a meeting and – I figured those meetings would be a great place to get laid. No, no, no. Well, one of them was like – Those are the freak bits. It was one of those things. Well, they ask how many people here are required to be here by law, right? And then like a bunch of hands go up.

Those are the molesters. Yeah. So then the whole time I'm looking at them wondering what they did. Trying to figure out what they're guilty for. So I couldn't even focus on that. Actually probably not a molester. Probably someone who got caught with a hooker. That's probably more correct.

That was trying to figure it out. Probably dudes who busted like streetwalkers. Like if you're a guy and you – like if you're a girl and you get caught for prostitution, it's, there's a lot of cops looking for prostitutes. But if you're a guy and you get caught with a prostitute, it seems to me at least that you've got to fuck up. You've got to do something stupid. You're not street walking. For the guy to get busted, he's probably driving around his car picking up hookers. Yeah.

And then the cops come up and they see a dude with a wig. Why wouldn't you just call them to your place? Call them to your place and have them come over? Yeah. Some people don't. There's that. Some people don't want them to know where they live. But I mean, it's like, there's not a lot of guys who get busted with that, I would think. I would think that more women get busted

than guys, right? Uh, I would think. I don't know anybody that's ever been busted with a hooker. I've never heard of that before. So that would be, though, I would think you would have to take sex addiction counseling. Right. If ever been busted with a hooker. I've never heard of that before. Yeah. But that would be, though, I would think you would have to take sex addiction counseling. Right. If you got busted with a hooker, they would say, hey, what's your problem? You're a sex addict.

Yeah. Well, how about the dude just needed a blowjob? Yeah. It's so funny. It's so funny. He's an addict. It feels good. You're addicted to things that feel good.

I know. But there is undeniable, though, compulsive activity. When someone is one of those guys that's jerking off on his iPhone while he's driving, there's people that do that. Oh, yeah. The worst time I did was I was in Korea doing comedy for the troops. And there's a place called like Hooker Hill right it's called Hooker Hill and it's like and it's all these like

girls they call them juicy girls like these these Korean hookers you buy them juice for like ten dollars and then they're then they're your friend

you know for the rest of the night what ten dollars is all it takes they talk to you for a couple hours right oh they talk to you

but then but then you can negotiate some other shit so I was in Korea and then I some girl goes how much for a handjob and she they talk to you but then but then you could negotiate some other shit so i was i was in korea and then i some girl goes uh well how much for a handjob and she's like a hundred dollars i'm like i'll give you 10 it's like fine whoa what yeah yeah so we go in the back right so we go asian is usually so much better at negotiating uh so we go in the back and she's like what do you do i'm like like, oh, I'm a comedian. And she goes, takes my dick and goes, hey, Jerry. And I didn't know if she meant like Jerry Lewis or Jerry Seinfeld.

I couldn't figure out. That's what I'm thinking about while getting the handjob. Wow. So she used your dick as a microphone. Yeah. It was ridiculous. No, it was fucking absurd. That was young, 23. Hooker Hill, huh?

What part of Korea is that? Outside of Seoul? Right outside of Seoul, yeah. What is Seoul like? It's got to be a strange place. It's a lot of cheap clothes, Hooker Hill. But you walk into the bar. That's all you saw?

And all of a sudden, heads come up like guacamole. All of a sudden, random random Korean hookers heads go up But uh, yeah, I know I went to Korea the weirdest I was in Bahrain doing comedy for the military I did like Saudi Arabia Japan Korea Guam Cuba Guantanamo Bay Cuba Wow, but and it's funny cuz like but I'll talk about Bahrain So I'm like there's like this club in Bahrain. It's like English British are there the Saudi like whatever people that people from Saudi Arabia that are like sinning because's this club in Bahrain. It's like English, British are there, the Saudi, whatever people from Saudi Arabia that are sinning because Allah isn't in Bahrain, but he's in Saudi Arabia.

So that's where they go to cheat on their wives and get hookers and drugs and drink. Wait a minute. What? How does it work? Allah's not in this spot? As long as they leave Saudi Arabia. Oh, really? I mean, this is what people told me.

That's a good religion. You can take a flight and just get your freak on. So there was like a Filipino band playing karaoke band that was dope that had a big hit in the 80s or something. So that all these like Korean hookers dancing around so I make friends with one of them I go back to her whorehouse I'm like I gotta see this is when Myspace first came out right so I go to this Korean whorehouse in Bahrain and there were all these Americans, soldiers living there. People were camping.

They had moved into the whorehouse, right? So I'm like, oh, that's her boyfriend living with the girls. Whoa. So then I was trying to get, I take one over to the computer. They had a computer that was like an Apple 84 or something. So I'm trying to show one of them my MySpace page.

Oh, no, you're not. Oh, my God. And I'm trying to look in the Korean to English language to, like, know a comedian, explain comedy, you know? Oh, that's so funny. And then the hooker mom kicked me out. She was like, you can't stay unless you're going to buy one of the hookers. Oh, that's hilarious.

It seems like that would be pretty cheap. You just didn't want to pay? I didn't want to have sex. Didn't you feel like you owed him some money just for wasting all the time? No, I love to waste. Bringing him over to a computer. Look, this is me. This is me.

They're like, listen, this is a hooker place. We're not here to look at your fucking resume. Yeah. No, I like wasting people's time. I find it funny. I ended up beating up the other comic on the tour. You beat him up? No, I threw him on his head. I find it funny. I ended up beating up the other comic on the tour. You beat him up? No, I didn't.

I threw him on his head. What happened was – Why'd you do that? This guy – I was supposed to go with Glebe, who's one of my best friends, Ben Glebe, but he had to bail out. So I ended up going with this other guy from Texas, black comic, who's the most racist guy. He would go up there and be like, George Bush is a fucking asshole to the military. Oh, no.

He would close with peanut butter on his cock with the dog licking off. I had to do his time, and he kept calling me a fag in front of all the military. Oh, no. He would close with peanut butter on his cock with the dog licking off. I had to do his time and he kept calling me a fag in front of all the soldiers. Adam's a fag. Adam's a fag. It just wouldn't stop.

Why was he doing that? He was just a bully. Because I said Eddie Murphy's movies aren't as good anymore as they used to be. Man, you don't know shit about Eddie Murphy.

It was just giving me a hard time, this guy. Wow. Just an angry fella. So we get to Africa, to booty Africa. He kicked his ass in Africa? Yeah. When thei, Africa. You kicked his ass in Africa? Yeah.

When the white man kicks a black man's ass in Africa. Good day. And I had to bail. Especially one you brought in. You brought him into the country to kick his ass. And they shook us down in customs, right? We go to customs and they took his money. It was all kind of weird.

They steal your money? Yeah. And I had to pay for him to get through customs, right? Wow. How much did they steal? Like 50 bucks. How does that work? What happened?

They were like, it costs $50 to come into this country, even though we already paid for the passports. We already had it all clear. So they didn't say give us your money, but they stole our money. So we go there, and then we're in this cantina with all the to, and I'm ignoring this guy because he just keeps fucking with me. So he's like, hey man, you're a fag. You hooked up with trainees in Saudi Arabia or something, which did not happen. Okay.

Didn't happen. I believe you would tell us if you did. I probably would. I believe you would. So then the guy, I like pushed him. I'm like, oh, I'm a fag. I take his hat and push it down. Then he comes at me and I over under

and just hip toss him on his head. Right. Which was like, you know. Probably had no idea it was coming. No idea it was coming. Silly bitch. So I'm like, who's the fag now? Then he comes at me and I over under and just hip toss him on his head. Right. Which was like – Probably had no idea it was coming. No idea it was coming. Silly bitch. So I'm like, who's the fag now?

Then the soldiers had to break us up for fighting. We came to entertain them. Did you try to submit him? No. I just was like, you fucker. Like, come on, dude. Did you hit him at all when he was done? No.

We got broken up real quick. But the guy, Sergeant Haggerty, took us into the bathroom and he's like, what's wrong with you guys? On a peacekeeping mission you know you're gonna find jesus he's like oh he goes i'm either gonna take your money this is what i do to my boys i'm gonna take your money or i'm gonna punch you in the stomach right and we already got all our money stolen so we're like just punch you in the stomach so the sergeant punches both in the stomach really yeah and then i'm like thinking to myself take your money or punch in the stomach how much money i mean he punched well we didn't have any money on it, so he just punched us.

But that seems ridiculous. That's how he treats his boys, he said. Wait a minute. He robs them or punches them? Either – yeah. How is that going to fucking – that's benefiting him in both circumstances. What a son of a bitch. Corruption starts at home.

So the next thing I know, I'm thinking to myself, I'm in a bathroom in Djibouti, Africa, and I just got punched in the stomach. Like how many wrong turns in my life did I make to get to this point? That's a lot. Did you just take it as like an opportunity to work on your abs? Oh, I was – Tighten up and let them blast away. Go ahead, bitch. I had so much adrenaline.

It didn't hurt. As long as it doesn't like hook you in the liver or something dirty. Oh, that would have been terrible. Dirty bastard. Did you like make an agreement to where he was going to hit you? No, he just punched in the stomach and then that me and the other guy. But in the stomach, like, I would have to be like. It was like the ribs kind of, but it wasn't a liver punch.

I would have to be like, how are you going to do this, man? How are you going to do it? Are you going to throw a hook? I could actually take a decent punch. Like, Mayhem punched me last week. Yeah, I heard about that. What happened? Well, you know what?

Don't say because then you could get sued. Yeah. I could give a bad interpretation of who I am. I got a picture of a big lump on my head. It was an accident. It could have happened anyway. You could have gotten hit in the head with a meteor. How do we know?

Those little shooting stars you see, what if one burnt out just as it hit you, just barely knocked you on your ass and gave you a little – That's a good point. Is that possible? I want to know if anyone has ever been hit in the head by a meteor. I really would like to know because I know they've landed in houses. Wow. Has anybody ever been hit in the head by a meteor, I really would like to know. Because I know they've landed in houses. Wow. Has anybody ever been hit by a meteor?

Okay, listen. We've got to Google this. Okay, I'm saying yes. Brian, you're saying yes, right? Man hit by a meteor. I'm saying they claim they have, but how do you know it actually hit them? Because he doesn't have an arm anymore. What do you think?

Before I Google it, yes? Yes. Has it happened? Yes. I think it happens a lot. What do you think? Before I Google it. Yes?

Yes. Does it happen? Yes. I think it happens a lot. Coroner's report. Man killed by meteorite that had... Coroner's report. Man killed by meteorite had marijuana in his system. Oh, my God.

So this dude, he was killed... Wow, this is, like, fairly recently. This dude was killed by a fucking meteorite. He was high as shit. And he was walking through the town of San Joio, California, and he got hit by a meteorite. That's some good weed right there.

That is unbelievable. Yeah. That sucks. That's when you know you're having a bad day. You know? Like you have no luck. God damn it. I think this is a fucking parody.

Didn't somebody get hit by lightning twice? There's been a guy out there that got hit. This is a parody. God damn it. Imagine getting hit by lightning twice. These sons of bitches. No, this was a parody.

They wouldn't tell you if a guy got killed by a meteor if he had pot in his system. It's one of those silly websites where they're trying to be cute. Okay, well this one is a guy who really did get killed by a meteorite. Wow. This one's not funny at all.

Make it funny. It's impossible. But, I mean, I'm saying it's not a funny story at all. Yeah, there's a couple people who have been hit. This one woman had a big gash on her arm, but apparently she lived. She got grazed by a meteorite, which is even crazier. Think of that. A meteorite came from

another planet, flew through our solar system, penetrated our atmosphere, and then hit her in the arm almost. Just grazed her. Gave her a second gash. Wow. Here's another one. A man was struck by one and killed

instantly. Damn. It appeared the meteor had come from a direction a little west or south. It fell obliquely at an angle of about 60 degrees. Damn. passing through him obliquely from below the right shoulder to above the left hip and buried itself about two feet in the soft black ground. Motherfucker. Bellator designed him. So it came through his armpit and it came out his left hip

and then went through the ground. Motherfucker. What a shit Piece of luck that is Do you imagine It went through a fucking tree Like a cannonball And then through his body

Right armpit to left hip And then two feet into the ground All in one big burst Of what the fuck just happened And there's a giant hole in your chest and you think you've been you know probably hit by with a cannon or something attacked by aliens you know a congo load or something what the fuck man it's probably not a lot of people how many times has this happened probably not a lot of people. I wonder, you know.

Oh, here's another one. People start, oh, wow. Okay. There's actually a website that tracks reported deaths and injuries from meteorite impact. And they have them all the way back to 1400 BC in Israel. See, always the Jews. No one blames the Jews. Yeah, they were keeping track even back then of dudes that got killed by meteorites.

I wonder, has God killed any of your children with meteorites? Call this number. You may be entitled to shackle. That's how they were keeping track. One day I'll tell God, you son of a bitch. I lost my favorite son to a fucking meteorite. And I want cash compensation. Yeah, all the way back to 1825, India.

Yeah, there's a website. Just Google it. Reported deaths and injuries from meteorite impact. It's fascinating to think about how many fucking people died throughout history. But overall, I would say it looks like it's only like 100 people throughout recorded history, maybe less, maybe less. Incredible, man. But the really scary thing is how many meteorite showers there have been.

One of them was reported in China in 1490. Tens of thousands of people were killed during a meteor shower in the Shanxi province. Imagine that shit, man. Tens of thousands of people killed by flying rocks from the sky. Just all of a sudden, rocks are coming in and slamming into your fucking family. They said the similarities, that it was a similar type of impact to the Tunguska event. That's the one that, I think it was somewhere in Siberia, flattened this huge area of forest.

It apparently exploded on impact. It came and as it was coming in, probably either exploded just above the ground or close to the ground. And just from the, you know, just broke apart because of the coming through. And just leveled thousands of miles of trees. Just leveled. Just square miles. Gone of nothing. Look, pull that up, Brian.

Tunguska. Tunguska event. That's crazy. Just to let us know that that shit can happen at any time. And this is something that happened, I think it was the 1920s or something like that. But, I mean, that's like

when we started really writing these things down and taking pictures of them. A couple of hundred years ago, there was no cameras, so when things like these happened, your stories about it are limited to just people telling you what happened. On rocks and stuff. But this Tunguska event was very unique in the fact that you could actually see what a forest looked like before the impact and what it looked like after the impact.

And you just go, whoa. What the fuck? And then you realize that was a nothing ball. That was nothing. That shit didn't do anything. I mean, compared to what the one that hit the Yucatan and killed all the dinosaurs, that fucking thing didn't do nothing. Right. But the photos of the devastation, those upper left photos, Brian,

because they're all black and white because it's the 1920s. The upper left. That's where Henderson went to college back then. Oh, you son of a bitch. Cracking jokes. That's what the forest looked like after it was over. Like, look at that. Look at that photo. Just flattened

like matchsticks. The entire forest was like that. Wrap your head around that photo. No one had ever seen anything like that. Where there was just miles and miles and miles and miles and miles of flattened trees. Completely pinned down to the ground. Flattened.

Boom! From space. And there could be thousands of those hitting at any time. Do you read to your kids at night? Yeah, yeah. Tell them stories? Cat in the Hat is my favorite. Really? The second Cat in the Hat, man.

That motherfucker got lazy. He only wrote two books. Cat in the Hat. Do you act these out? Because you sometimes... Well, I don't try to scare my kids when I'm trying to scare you. I'm not even trying to scare me or scare you. It's just to me. I'm just wondering if you animate them or scare you it's just to me

I'm just wondering if you animate them I think it's important to talk about those things absolutely to bring it up just every now and then just let

just get that fucking thought in your head this is a possibility this life that we live which is so beautiful and so complicated and so well contained in this civilized world

that we have could end like that I that with one chunk of rock from space. It's hard to live like that though because then you end up spending all your money and just making all – I'm serious. Like making decisions that like fuck it. Like I was thinking if I had a week to live, right, would I be honest like about how much – because there are certain people I don't like or I don't like what they're doing. Well, even in this world or that world. But I don't say it because it might be a bad career choice or something. Right. But I'm wondering if I had a week to live if I would say it.

Probably not because I wouldn't want to be a dick. Well, if you don't want to be a dick, don't be a dick. It doesn't matter if there's a week to go or an hour to go. Just don't be a dick. But you can – it's a focus exercise I think. Whenever there's someone that's distracting you and someone that you're concentrating on them for no reason when they really don't have anything to do with you. Yeah. Unless they're affecting your business or affecting the way you operate in your life.

If it's just you fixating on them, just use it as a focus exercise. Just say, you know what? This is obviously a test. What advice would I give someone like me if I was in the situation to give them advice? I would say, well, this is This is obviously a test. What advice would I give someone like me if I was in the situation to give them advice? I would say, well, this is what you don't do. Don't focus on that because there's no benefit in it. You can hate the guy unless you get some material

out of it. Unless there's something really funny about it. That's the hard part about me being a comic sometimes is that those positive workshops don't work for comedy because I think I'm a lot funnier if I'm being negative. It's focused negativity if I'm being negative. It's focused negativity, but it's negative. It's negative jokes.

So it's positive. But if I start looking at everything in a positive way, I think my humor and relating to people is going to go out the window. Well, it will change. It will morph a little bit. But it's still possible to be really funny and to really be positive. It would would just be a different kind of funny i think that you're a funny guy and i think if you're a funny guy you know how to be funny you know what i mean you know do you know thank you sweetie uh you know what i mean you know how to do it i think you would be able to do it any way you do it and what it should represent is who you really are so if occasionally it's mean

because occasionally you're mean and you have these mean thoughts and they're funny then you should fucking go with it. That's most of my jokes. I mean honestly I wouldn't say I'm a mean-spirited comic because I don't like to go like I hope you die of AIDS. You know there's like shock humor

where it's just... Would you say I hope you die in a car accident? No, I don't think I would because I wouldn't want that person to die in a car accident. Is that what he said? No, no, no.

No, he would never say that. I don't know if I would say that. I probably – I mean I've been on stage and someone heckled and I'm like this is why I'm a pro-choice or something like that. Right. Where I'm like – but I don't know if I would ever work that into like – there are some comics that are like, oh, Justin Bieber dies. I would never do that.

But I know what you're saying. It's like as you're trying to get older, like as you're a wiser person, the smart inclination is to sort of go towards like less altercations in your life, less bullshit, less hassle, less people upset at you. And it's kind of hard to do that when you're a comedian because you have to make fun of some idiots. You have to make fun of dummies. You see them and you're like, look at this silly bitch. And you also, I think, have to look at the cynical part of things. I mean – or I do. Other people don't have to, but I have to look at – You have to make fun of dummies. You see them and you're like, look at this silly bitch. And you also, I think, have to look at the cynical part of things. I mean, or I do. Other people don't have to, but I have to look at things the same.

You have to. Socially, we all have an obligation to sort of monitor our surroundings and to keep things from getting out of hand, keep pet rocks from rising again. Every now and then, there's some shit that, as a comedian, your job really truly is to make fun of these things because they are ridiculous. And we're all going to figure out they're ridiculous in time with or without comedians like Bell Bottoms. They just – eventually we go, no, stop it. Right. But comedians, that's sort of like the role that a comic plays other than entertainment in society is to point out these things and to say like, look, come on. This is ridiculous.

Like there's some – just too many holes in this idea of using this. Well, the hard part this idea. Well, the hard part for me sometimes is when – let's take MMA for an example. Last night, Notre Dame was losing like 35 to nothing. And I said Cecil Peoples has Notre Dame winning. So that's like, OK, ha-ha. It's a funny joke. I love those jokes. I love seeing some people. But then there's like, okay, your colleague, Goldberg, was accused of something, allegedly doing something, right? And it's on the MMA websites. So it's not like I'm making this shit up. It's on the underground.

It's on MMA Weekly, MMA Junkie. But I don't want to piss off this guy because he's a nice guy and he seems like he's – if it is something serious, you don't want to be a total dick to him. So I try to use, like, Goldberg was hopped on uppers while watching John Fitch fight. So therefore, the joke becomes about John Fitch. It's still mentioned in that. It's still mentioned in the unmentionable. Right. So then it's like, okay, now I'm able to do that.

But there's only so many times you can do that. Right. Well, I've seen people say, like, Joe Rogan in a coke rage in the middle of a fight. The reality is I've never tried cocaine once. I've never done it. Right. I mean you can never say you see me coked up. I've never been coked up.

I wrote Joe Rogan's head just exploded during the break. That's not – listen. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've literally never even thought about doing cocaine. I really have never. I just grew up around people that fucked their entire life up with it. And the last thing I ever needed was like a stimulant. I wanted something that would kind of center me and calm me down. And when that's one of the when I found pot, I was like because a drink would relax me a little bit.

But a drink would also get me riled up in a bad way. Whereas pot like sort of would put me in like a – Yeah. I could chill. I could – the last thing I wanted to be like – No, I did it like three times. Once off a stripper's tits because she was like, you want to fuck? I said, sure.

She took a line of coke off my tits. So I'm like, if I'm going to do it, I might as well – Yeah, that's the time to do it. And then I had a girl do it off my dick one dick one time well that was pretty it was two i was hooking up with two chicks one of them was not hot the other one was hot but it was a kind of i wanted a threesome right right so the girl looks at my penis as a line of coke and she's like looks me she was we're never gonna have a relationship wow well at least she stood her ground. She's got her morals. She's not going to pick a guy like you to be willing to do this.

Let her snort coke off your dick. How dare you? Like she said that in like the way you described it, like a casting judgment on you. Never going to have a relationship. I can't even believe you're here. I can't believe I'm about to do coke off your dick. But some women's morals, like I was in Canada. I had a threesome in Canada one time, and I was like, some girl was sitting on my face.

And another chick was like blowing me, and the girl was blowing me. She goes, at least I don't cheat on my boyfriend, and blew me. Like she thought that wasn't cheating. Like she really was. And I was like, dude, I don't want to be like, you know, listen, you are cheating. Yeah, don't stop it. You don't want to cock block. You'd be like, yeah, I hear you.

Yeah. That was not the time. Blowjobs are so not cheating. Don't sweat it. What are you going to? The things that people do. Breeding. Breeding.

Shooting loads. Oh, that's the 10-minute mark. Does anybody have anything to contribute before we wrap this bitch up and bring it home? Brian, anything going on? You said this Friday you got a show. No. No. Next Thursday at Vegas at the Hard Rock at a club called Vinyl

for during the AVNs. If you're going, it's a part of your AVN pass, I believe. And it's going to be me, Doug Benson, Sam Tripoli, and a couple other people. Boom. There it is. Suck it. And this Friday, two shows at the Ice House in Pasadena, 8.30 and 10.30. It's me and Ari Shafir and probably a couple other people.

I'll see how we do it, but I'm trying to work out some new shit, yo. You know, I'm doing right and I'm coming out with new material all the time. Every day I'm hustling. Every day I'm hustling. You're hustling, too, and I appreciate that about you, man. It's one of the things I loved. I loved when I came here and you showed me that big file of all the things you've written. 50 pages of MMA jokes.

Young comedians, if there's any fucking advice that anybody should ever give you, it's the advice that you got. Put your fucking head down and start writing. Brian Callen told you exactly the right thing to do. Just keep writing. Just keep writing and keep performing and keep fucking throwing them out there. Yeah. and be nice to britney she's a nice person oh man i she is a nice person you meanie you big meanie man every day i'm hustling adam comedian on twitter but his other one mma roasted on twitter is actually more popular than the actual human being himself which is kind of weird you should combine those two and then no one would ever

retweet your shit because then you'd be fucking adam comedian mma roasting yeah terrible two of them all in one yeah everything you would say you would limit yourself to like 60 characters hey thank you so much for having me on man anytime we'll do it again we'll do it again for sure in the meantime i want you to calm the fuck down and take a yoga class no that's true that's very true you're a good dude, man. I wish you well, and I think you've got a bright future in this crazy stand-up business. You're hustling. You're out there making it happen, bitches.

Again, that's this Friday. Two shows, 8.30 and 10.30 at the Ice House. Go to icehousecomedy.com. Thanks to Ting for sponsoring our podcast. If you go to rogan.ting.com you will save 25 bucks off one of their super groovy android phones they have the samsung galaxy note 2 which

i will eventually get once i get some time on my hands i'm gonna pick up one of those i can't live with it any longer i have too much envy for that big screen. I need some lovin', some big screen lovin'. Tomorrow, we will have all things, hopefully, if Duncan's feeling good, we'll have Duncan Trestle come on and give us an update on his health and all things in the universe and his unique perspective. And then Thursday, we'll have the great Ari Shaffir. All right, you fucks. Oh, Neil deGrasse Tyson this week as well.

Trying to figure out when to fit him in, when he can do it and we can do it, but that's going to happen as well. So the god of science will join us. We're going to fucking keep this bitch rolling until the wheels fall off. All right? See you freaks soon.

Bye. Thank you.