The Joe Rogan Experience - #311 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: January 10, 2013

Joe sits down with Ari Shaffir.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. During my day, Joe Rogan Podcast, my night, all day! Sweet, heavenly Jesus. We're back, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much, and welcome aboard, powerful Ari Shaffir. How do you do that stuff, Brian? The spinning down stuff. Uh, how does he do it? Yeah.

He's a master at using a fake turntable oh wow that's cool i like how they make them look like turntables too instead of just pushing a lever or something yeah they're crafty these fucks with their ipad technology with the things they've done um we had that neil deGrasse Tyson guy on the podcast yesterday. Yeah, I've been seeing videos on him for a long time. He's a lot of fun, man. Really, really interesting guy. Yeah, what an inspirational dude.

Super huge, great response for the podcast, except for me talking about the moon landing, which is almost like universally hated. I want to just say that it was not my idea to talk about that. That's something that he wanted to talk about in advance he sort of alluded to the fact that he was going to bring that up oops that's my laptop

Dia said he got mad at Ralphie May once because we were all sitting around like late night in Vegas or something and Ralphie goes so tell me what you think about the moon landing and Dia just goes motherfucker why don't you get him started yeah it's a hilarious thing we we went into the psychology of uh looking for uh hidden things and how fascinating they are too yeah just anything hidden yeah well we were talking about the the idea of that if there's

a planet there's somewhere out outside of uh pluto that they believe might exist it's like some theory well there's yeah this is a thing called the kuiper belt there's this massive amount of like uh asteroids that are out there but they think it's very possible that there's a large planet that's out there but it's so far away it has no reflection of light from the sun and we can't even see it but we're like sort of guessing by some of the things that have gone on like in that area as far as like gravity goes yeah and so we were talking about that and i was just commenting on how weird it is that we have this desire to find shit that's not there when the shit that we know is there yeah you really haven't looked into it all like i've really not looked

into jupiter that much you know i mean i kind of know that it's a gas giant it's got the spot on it yeah as i know that shoemaker levy hit it this comet and blew up and i know that recently they found another comet impact i know like little things but like as far as like like the real me this i mean you know as far as like it's i mean it's a fascinating thing and all the information is readily available and right there but instead i'm like man there might be a hidden planet out there like the planets that are here the planets that are here i don't give a fuck about i don't even you know i'm so bored with the moon i don't want to see the moon most of the time

yeah if the moon didn't exist then one day above you was a fucking moon. You'd be shitting your pants. You'd be freaking out that a planet was that close. Everybody would be going nuts. You just wouldn't. People would just be sitting down in parks just looking up, staring at that moon if it was a new thing. It was like you'd have full parks filled with people. They would come in cities and gather up, and they would try to make sense of it.

Yeah, some new thing has invaded their atmosphere atmosphere and it's floating above their planet yeah that would freak people out but instead like oh yeah it's the moon because it's always been there yeah it's always been there and when sometimes you look up and you see like saturn and you see if you could take a trip to the moon if like virgin was offering one for 10 grand not even a crazy amount wow like 10 grand would you go for it i would have to it would have to be a few years in i would have to see the first you fuck that because you know someone's not going to make it back yeah they're gonna just a matter of time i mean it's like we know it's a matter of time with air flight you know there's some some plane somewhere is going down oh yeah it's a matter of time with air flight you know so there's some some plane somewhere is going down oh yeah it's like some car somewhere is going to crash yeah so are you willing to die in space

that's the real question are you willing to die in space that wouldn't be bad to die in space if you get ejected because at least they sort of find your body like maybe generations well they're gonna it's gonna be a long time because the first thing they have to do before they do anything is they're going to do commercial space flight where it's just they orbit the Earth. So they'll probably do that for a few years. And have docking stations where people can go to. Have you seen what the things look like? What things? It looks like a plane sort of.

What, the docking station? The Virgin's ship that they're going to use to go into space. But everyone just has a seat? Yeah, I mean you have seats. I don't know how many seats there are on it i mean it's i'm sure it's more complicated than a plane but it essentially looks like some sort of uh double uh hulled plane it looks weird it doesn't look like a spaceship i thought it would look like a spaceship and you can dock with the with the people up there yeah i think that's the plan for the future i don't know if that's what they're going to do initially.

I think there's probably a bunch of options on the table. Just take him out there and then bring him back. Yeah, that's – Save him with the space. You've got to think how long can people deal with that? I mean what if you're up there with some dude who hasn't taken his Paxil and he fucking blows a gasket? You've got to make it person-proof. Yeah, you've got to make it person-proof.

There's going to be a lot of people going mad seeing the whole earth there and like oh oh there's clearly no god i've wasted my life well when you were in um when you're on a fa18 one of those uh fighter jets yeah they have like a thing under your seat that you could pull out and eject yourself and you go flying through the air on a fucking parachute. You can't have those. Oh, yeah. Get out of space. You can't have that shit. You got to make sure that this asshole is like, if this thing's going down, you don't have any say in it.

You have no control over the fucking buttons. It is kind of weird that regular flights don't have at least parachutes. You'd think that they would at least have parachutes underneath each seat. You just don't kind of think about it. We've got about 10 minutes before we're going down. Let's get everybody out here. I don't think you understand how fast you're going. Yeah, but I mean like a last-minute resort.

I'd rather have that than a seat cushion I could use as a flotation device. I'd rather have a parachute as if like, okay, this shit's going down. I'm going to try. I don't know how to use this thing, but I'm just going to try it. That would make sense.

That would make sense. But you would have to be willing to somehow or another open up a window I'm going to try. I don't know how to use this thing, but I'm just going to try it. That would make sense. That would make sense. But you would have to be willing to somehow or another open up a window or a door while that fucker is in the air. No, that stewardess would have to do it for us. No. I don't think you understand what happens to your body when you're flying 500 miles an hour and you just jump out into the air. My dad was a paratrooper. He said you get knocked out a lot. Yeah, you're going to get knocked unconscious.

You're not going to be able to breathe. You're going 500 miles an hour with your face, and you're still going 500 miles an hour when you jump out. You really have to wrap your head around that because you're being protected by this tube to the point where you're completely unaware of the velocity. You're flying through the fucking air. When you just get shot through it and you just let go. Oh, and by the way, if you hit a bird, you're going to explode.

Yeah. Yeah, guess what? You wouldn't get one for a while down though. The other option is pavement inside of a target that your plane just crashed into. That's probably the best way. That way you know you're done. You don't want to fucking sort of survive. What happens if everyone is leaving the plane with their flotation device but you forget forget yours, but you're only an aisle or two ahead of where you started?

Do you think there's any chance people will let you back there? Maybe if you scream, I need a flotation device. But we need a name for that stupid thing. Flotation device? Flotation device? She can be used as a flotation device. It should be a buoy thing-a. It should have a fucking name.

Buoy thing-a. Buoy and then something with Latin. Yeah, something. It should have a fucking name. Buoy thing-a. Buoy and then something with, like, Latin. Yeah, something. It should have a fucking name. Where's my flotation device? I need a flotation device. Give me more life. Live on the water.

There's the picture. Neil deGrasse Tyson discusses simulation theory. Suspiciously Asian-looking person appears behind him. Who is that? is that you brian has always said that like when you start talking about simulation theory an asian will show up that sounds like fringe and that to let you know that you're that yeah it is it is really all just a simulation it was actually somebody somebody photoshopped that in yeah no no that's actually mike realm who was on the Pointless podcast following this, that he came early.

I met somebody photoshopped the writing in. Oh, yeah. I met the guy. How are you guys ignoring these floating letters? They're flying letters. There's a way bigger issue here than the Asian person is the chemtrails.

There are floating letters talking about us. Is that guy Mike, you said he was like a big time mix max, mash up artist? He was really cool. He does video mixing. So instead of doing like DJing with was really cool he does video video mixing so it's really doing like DJing with like audio he takes video clips and

mixes like videos together and oh yeah yeah yeah let's throw one out what is uh what is it about it's all dicks just dicks going into dicks and splicing becoming Celtic dicks you hear we're going to Mars? People are? Yeah. Really? When was this? Dutch people, 2019.

They ain't going to make it. They're taking volunteers now. Well, that's why Neil Tyson says that's what we need. We need somebody else that's going to go there first, and that's the only way we'll go to Mars. You know what I mean? Let some else pave the way. Good job, guys. The mails paid the way and took it.

Good job, guys. That was his reasoning behind the idea that the races to the moon was won by the Americans and then it was pretty much over. The Russians didn't even want to go to the moon. What's the point? The United States is already there. Here's Mike Realm. He remixes an Old Spice commercial. How can I smell like space shuttles?

That's easy. Why is it so loud? One, two, three, four. That's pretty cool. This is bizarre. It is bizarre. It's weird. I'm on a horse. I'm on a horse. I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat. This is bizarre. It is bizarre. It's weird.

And he has a whole bunch of different ones. Like this one, you know, it's kind of boring and stuff. I'm not gay, but this is a very sexy video. It's really funny, right? It's a confident man with his shirt off, and he's making silly noises with his mouth oh it's scott pilgrim i don't know if you've ever seen that movie it was a really what was that other one was that guy having sex with a girlfriend behind what what was the other thumbnail i don't know someone's horning hold on and this is i don't know if you saw uh uh whatever it's called here it is

scott pilgrim this is him mixing ludicrous hello with the scott pilgrim you gotta see this folks this is a very visual thing. Oh, internet. That's okay. Stop it. Check out his YouTube channel. The people at home that are listening or anyone in their car, what he did is he spliced the Scott Pilgrim movie with the

ludicrous music video and voices and i don't know how to feel about mashup songs some of them are great some of them are great yeah but it's just that original you like or it's just the two of them it's just two of them coming together they get catchy songs don't bother me but you know what bothered me and i like kid rock but that last Kid Rock song was like a combination of Sweet Home Alabama and something else. Oh, yeah. He's been doing that a lot lately. Yeah, but it was like, man, this is like, it feels like, it's like when Vanilla Ice was doing Ice Ice Baby, it was like under pressure. It was the riff.

It was that under pressure riff. At least in the mashups, you can clearly tell which songs we're using. We're not trying to say this is our stuff. Yeah. That kid rock stuff, you don't know. I mean, I guess it's a tribute and, you know, it was a really popular song, so what the fuck do I know? But I'm like, man, I would rather hear the actual songs.

Yeah. That's how I feel sometimes with the mashups. Yeah. Sometimes, but... It just feels lame. Have you ever heard... Sounds good, though. Voodoo Problems?

No. Is that Voodoo Child and 99 Problems? How could you not like mashups? That's crazy. Well, they're sort of catchy, but then I feel like I shouldn't like them. You feel like they're plagiarists? No. I feel like they tricked you.

Sometimes it's awesome. Some of them don't work with me. Some of them don't sync up. Unhip? Yeah. I wasn't into it that much until I heard that 99 Problems Voodoo Child mix. That shit is so good. You want to hear that?

Fuck yeah. It's like one of the greatest songs ever. Why don't somebody match up your song Voodoo Poonani with... Somebody please bury that song. Listen to how good this is. This shit works. This isn't actually the one that I'm used to. What about that P. Diddy song on the Godzilla soundtrack? This is a different version.

He did that like 15, 16 years ago. Well, they did it together. Who? Robert Plant? It was him and Robert Plant. They actually did a song together. It was a Zeppelin song, though. Yeah.

Was that all that? Cashmere. It was Cashmere. Which was ridiculous because if you're going to duplicate a song, do some shit from Houses of the Holy that no one remembers. You don't come out with Kashmiri. That's a classic. And he's rapping over it.

But then Aerosmith did that Walk This Way. And that was the original one because that was pretty fucking cool. That was pretty cool. Yeah. Remember they started playing? When Run DMC did their version of Walk This Way. It was pretty badass. That's what it was, yeah.

Yeah. Aerosmith did the video. It was them rehearsing next door to these rappers. The rappers were really unimpressed. We can't play our music. For real, it's like one of the corniest, most hokeyest videos ever. Them coming together. You know? Especially because like Steven Tyler gets crazy with his mic stand.

He breaks through the wall to where the rappers are. You know? And then they have respect for each other. Like, bitch, get the fuck out of here. They would have beat the shit out of you. They would have dragged him through the hole in the wall he just made. Even in the 80s, he looked like an old lady. He had this crazy hair and fucking handkerchiefs on his head.

They would have beat the fuck out of him, man. Hey, what are you guys doing? What is happening? It's so weird to see that guy as a judge on American Idol. When people get old, it's going to happen to all of us. I don't expect it to. You don't expect it to? I have not grown up even remotely, other than my responsibilities have widened.

I guess so. But my mindset, I mean, I guess. I'm at a little bit more disciplined. 15 more years, 20 more years. It happens to all of them. It happened to Howard Stern. Yeah, but I think it's all in, first of all, you've got to make sure that you're having fun.

And you've got to make sure that you have friends that are also having fun. You've got to keep a community of people together. So these people are all, they're not keeping a community of people together? I think that happens with a lot of them. A lot of them, they go solo, and it's fucking them and the wife, and occasionally they go on stage.

They just get weird. You get reconservative of something. It happens new again. They get old, and they always love to use that quote. There's one quote that I've used. I've used it too. Show me a young man who's not a liberal.

I'll show you a man without a heart. Show me an old man who's not conservative, and I'll show you a man who has no brain. Oh, wow. Why? Because he's realized that people are just a bunch of weak cunts. At a certain point in time, you've got to really tell people to man up. I was having a conversation about Boulder today with Mrs. Rogan, and we were talking about how we really loved boulder and we even loved hippies yeah until we lived in boulder why well when you live around hippies when they're the

majority when yeah when there's more than a you know a small percentage of hippies when they're around all the time acting weird it gets really annoying like they're they're they can be fucking annoying it's not refreshing anymore there's so many kids that were like young kids that were begging for money. Oh. There was like – What's a young kid? 20s. Oh, okay.

Like young just sitting there like sitting there with like asking for money. And I don't know if it's – maybe I just saw too many of them and maybe it was just really rare but it just seemed like an inordinate amount of like young people that were like just sort of like asking for people to help them you know what i'm saying yeah that's like that in san francisco and hate now yes exactly and look there's nothing wrong with being in a position where you need people to help you we've all been there it's not that but i've never been in a position where i'm sitting down with a fucking piece of cardboard box open and I'm hoping somebody gives me money. You're not doing anything. Unless I'm missing your whole pass and you're completely mentally challenged. They want to do nothing.

It's amazing that you're even sitting there and that you wrote, you know, please help, right? Yeah. What's their feeling? People just kick in and then yeah you have money for dinner and lunch it's cool we're not doing anything anyway you could give us a dollar for parking like it's it was it was it becomes a kind of a weird it becomes a kind of a weird thing where you're like okay you guys need some discipline in your lives it's one thing to be peaceful and loving and but the real problem with the hippie life is that it's a life of meandering

yeah a life of in the reality of the world i'm sure that my next meal find its way to me i don't know how i'm gonna do it but i'm sure my next meal will find its way to me i have trust in the universe and that kind of thinking they were like hippies like that there yes yes there was quite a few yeah we yeah there was it was really annoying man it was it was uh there was a lot of really cool people don't get me wrong the majority were really cool like it's like 90 of them were fucking outstanding human beings the people there in boulder but the 10 of these fucking knuckleheads it wasn't even%. It's just you run into them all the time. Just too many. And for the most part, it was fine.

But when it got annoying, it's like when you're holding the baby and they're asking for money and you're like, come on, man. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, yeah. They jump into your way. Yeah.

I'm holding a baby and you're coming up trying to beg money. Like, I'm not really into dealing with you right now, weird guy with string hair. You make the mistake of making eye contact a little bit. It's like fuck you're talking and everything like what how did you get to this point where you need money from strangers like there's got there's it must be some fucking shit decisions along the way maybe i could help you with that better than just giving you five dollars you know i talked to homeless guy once he said it was just uh some of us just like yeah something to do

you just decided to be homeless you get cash from the government but you're just like, nah, something to do. Just have some money. You just decided to be homeless? Because you get cash from the government. But you're just like, no, no, not homeless, but just the begging. You can take it or leave it either way. Wow. Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. I think it's really important to be surrounded by people that are also trying to get shit done. That people that are having fun, people that are enjoying their lives, people that are trying to accomplish things.

And I don't mean in a materialistic sense. I mean more in a creative sense than anything. Like when you were just putting together your special, and you just recorded a special like a year after your last special, and I know that was a big deal for you. But when you did that, when you said that and you do that, I got inspired. I get inspired when I hear other people really working at something, towards something.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's exciting. I think it's super important. And I think that if you're not around people that are like that, you can get fucking dull. You can fall apart. Because nothing's pushing you. You're the outstanding person without doing anything. There's nothing going in your life you like why would you think that you're going

to keep growing and you're not challenging yourself you're hanging out with your wife all the time you're not going anywhere and then all of a sudden you're hosting american idol and i'm going what the fuck yo what the fuck where's the journey what are you trying to see search by yourself yeah i know what you mean though yeah when other people are doing shit you're like oh it's very yeah when other people are doing things it's very inspirational it's super super important and if you don't surround yourself with uh other people that are exciting and interesting and that you can have conversations with man you're gonna have a shit life it's really that simple and that's most people just sort of accept that do you think the people who like pair up with people let's say other couples let's say that like to go traveling

that will probably help you travel man as opposed to just being next door to somebody who's just like does nothing and then you just yeah you have your barbecues your house once in a while and that's it yeah my parents lives were uh much better when uh my stepdad was working for this friend of his and they all lived in like the same town. They would all do things together. It was like when they were in Pennsylvania. It's like their life became like more of like there was like a community thing going on

there. That's like – that's very big for people. We get loose sight of things because we think that what's really important is a career or you know getting yourself financially established buying your first home yeah getting some credit you get told like that's what you're supposed to want you you you it is these these are desirable things but without community they're shit yeah you could be a rich motherfucker living by yourself crying your eyes out on the top of a hill and that's real I talked to a real estate guy once a while ago

and he's like just move like it was like an hour and a half north of LA it's like it's better you know just for a few years and then you can go back and be like what are you talking about when you were talking about buying a house you just move an hour and a half because you get way cheaper houses but I had to live there it's not just like wait I'm not going to live there

you know the Nevada desert you can get a whole acre for $180 okay But I had to live there. Jesus. It's not just like – What an idiot. Wait. I'm like, I'm not going to live there. You know, the Nevada desert, you can get a whole acre for $180. Okay? I mean, what are you doing every day that's worth the amount of money that you would save if you bought a home in the Nevada desert? I'm living my life. I talked to a guy once who spent like a while living on a truck stop just being like a salesman of the front store. Yeah. And I was like, how was that? Did you go crazy by yourself a little bit?

I met this guy in Vancouver or something. And he goes, yeah, well, that's why I'm not there anymore. Whoa. Because it was so fucking lonely. You wouldn't see anyone except strangers and very briefly. Oh, Jesus. That must be crazy. That's like prison.

It's not like, oh, get away from everybody for a little while and then it becomes your life. Yeah. I am of the opinion, especially as I get older, that it is not healthy to be away from people. I think you have to have some sense of community. And that loners, any person that just wants to be by themselves alone in the woods all the time, like no friends, not saying hi to people, keep an eye on that motherfucker. Because that's some Un some unit bomber type shit. I think it's,

I think it's this, I think every person has a different level of how much they need other people around them. Yes. And at some point there'll just be a curve, like don't need anybody, don't need anybody. And then with somebody that's 10 minutes and then back to where are people?

I need people with some people that could be 10 days. I'm good for two days without saying anybody. I can do that really. I like a day every now and then i'm just decompression just a decompression day where i don't have to talk to anybody i could just sit and chill and get some reading done and you know maybe watch a documentary or something no you're literally not communicated at all just in your underwear it's nice yeah those days are nice but they're just so rare but the most important thing is that you're stimulated on a regular basis.

You've got to have people around you that are stimulating. And as soon as you get stuck in some sort of a rut where you don't have anything going on with your mind or it's challenging you, you're going to slowly rot away. Yeah, you're going to fall into that rut too. Yeah. I bet. Fuck yeah. We need a bunch of different things. We need to be stimulated by our interests, whatever our interests are, whether your interest is cooking or whether it's carpentry or whether it's drawing or whether it's fucking golfing, whatever your interests are.

Them shits are important in your life, okay? Interests are important because interests stimulate your mind. Interests aren't the job you have that you fucking hate. Yeah's talk about it later that's not your interest you most people it's not if it is you're lucky as fuck if you're a comedian and you know you actually love comedy man what a huge huge fucking blessing that is yeah but you know for a lot of folks what they're good at and what they can make a living at is not really what their thing is. So they go bowling on the weekends or they go duck hunting. But they find something that stimulates them.

And I never really – I kind of didn't understand that even though I was doing all those things. It took me like a long time to sort of piece that together. Some people do open mic comedy like that in their 40s and 50s. Just for a rush. Just at coffee shops. Yeah. And it's not like I'm not trying to be successful it's like they just like doing it yeah why not and then when you think about it the act is the same no matter what sure if you're painting on your back porch as a grandmother or if you're painting because you sell your shit for a million

dollars you're still just trying to make a good painting yeah if you're doing it the right way it will be exactly the same it's for the joy of that yeah the joy of the creation yeah yeah i mean i'm like you like if i have like any one flub anywhere in a bit it will drive me crazy you know if there's a hiccup in a joke if there's a transition a joke that just seems artificial this shit will drive me crazy so i could crush for an hour and 10 minutes where they just loved it and i'll get off the stage i'll be like like, that fucking bit sucks. I've got to fix that fucking bit. And that's all

I'll think about. It's Sydney, Australia but I did that for a while. I was like, I've got no fucking ending! It was just like for months. Those are brutal. But then you work through something, right? You sort of hash them out on stage and I think there's another thing that happens when you're working out new materials that you get to the point where you've said it so many times that as you're saying it, your brain seeks new ways to approach it.

Oh. Because you've – Like an isolation chamber for your fucking material. For your material. Yeah. Well, it's like – it's almost like a mantra. Like you say it so many times, it loses its meaning. So as you're saying it you find like god

i'm saying this again you have some new way and or it could be this and then you all of a sudden you go in this new direction yeah just entertain yourself i mean how many times have you done that gone down like completely ridiculous paths with a bit where it's like there's babies with big dicks and machine guns and they're fucking and then you're like what am i doing here they did have a machine gun they would have to have a safety latch that was easy to pull a machine gun is this even possible but those kind of like ridiculous charity of your penis would be lacking and you might do one of those and it would only work that night and it was for that night but every now and then you do one of those and then it'll be there's like a piece in there that becomes a new chunk yeah you know

yeah that's how you find things that's how i do anyway yeah i find yeah i do that in uh the the writing itself through both it's uh but i i find i get a lot of ideas lately uh from driving around with the car radio off i do that i do that when i'm when i'm i don't allow myself when i'm looking for the next storyteller show and i haven't like thought of one yet yeah you know i don't let myself use the radio until i get it done i like it yeah that's smart yeah there's something about the act of driving without a radio that your mind has to take in all those things they can't tune it out yeah i saw a study that when you're on the phone even when you have earbuds in or whatever your your peripheral

vision goes down 20%. Maybe yours does. Not me. Okay. Well, maybe. But the studies show that it's humans. I'm a super douchey guy that's invulnerable. But yeah, just because your mind is not focusing on that.

You don't understand my mentality, bro. My mentality is I see everything always. I'll rock that test. Listen, I got a 180-degree vision. The doctors, they tested my sight. I saw to the right and left further than any known human wow that's amazing so don't worry about me with the fucking earbuds worry about yourself well i'm sorry about yourself super douchey guy who never gets sick

i fucking never get sick what do you live in a plastic bubble you fucking cunt you never get sick who are you do you not eat pussy every now and then? You're going to get sick, okay? Things are going to go wrong. Not me. I don't even try cheese sticks. I'm not into that. I'm totally organic.

I love that. Steve Simone said that once. I'm trying to get into mushrooms. No, not that, but when he's like, people say, I don't do that

if they've never tried it. Right. Well, they don't do it then. He goes, I don't react well to psychedelics, those type of drugs. Because I'm trying to get into mushrooms. He goes, which ones have you done like that? He goes, oh, no.

Campbell's soup? Yeah. What would you know? Why would you know if you don't do that well? Campbell's mushroom soup. It fucking tripped me out, man. It took me back to high school. I was flying through the hallways.

But now everything was blue. Yeah. Well, there's people that are scared and rightly so you know for i don't encourage anybody to do anything in the beginning i did when i first started doing you know dmt and i did mushrooms i was like fucking do it you should do it go do it do it but now i feel like if you're not compelled to do it you shouldn't do it if you're not drawn into doing it you shouldn't do it and if you don't have a deep, deep, deep desire to do it, I would – But if you don't know about it, you might not develop a deep desire.

Yeah, maybe. But that's up to you. Oh, right. That's you. There's books out there. There's videos you can watch. There's articles you can read online without too much investment in your time. And you can learn a lot of shit about psilocybin.

You can learn a lot of shit about the history of it. You can learn a lot of shit about the positive benefits on personality so if you want to do it go ahead but i'm not talking to you about it it's just i can't do it anymore right it's just you i've talked to too many wackos what do you mean too many loons yeah too many people that uh are in the cult of the mushroom and do the sacred mushrooms gonna get us through all this yeah sometimes you're like all right easy i don't know what you mean by that. Or they'll give you mushrooms sometimes, and you'll be like, dude, I'm leaving tomorrow.

I can't, like, well, what about right now? I'm like, I'm not doing it right now. It's raining out. Fuck face, we're not doing mushrooms together, Mr. FBI agent. You would never do that, would you? Fuck no, man. It's weird to do mushrooms with people you don't know. You wouldn't even smoke weed.

Oh, yeah. I'm done there's just too much weirdness out there man and it all came from this guy in cleveland and i'm positive it was a cop what happened again i said it was a cop he's asking me where he can get some dmt he goes hey you know where i get some dmt And he had a crew cut on and like a fucking, it was like a flight jacket. I'm looking at the way this guy's dressed and I'm looking at the fact that he's by himself. And I'm looking at the fact that he's a shitty actor. He was acting when he was talking to me.

I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, yeah, you did that DMT, right? You know where to get it? I go, are you fucking for real asking me if I know where to get illegal drugs? And when I said it that loud, he walked away. Oh, if i know where to get illegal drugs and when i said it like that loud he walked away oh really yeah because he got embarrassed and he walked away it was like yeah but you talk so good you talk so good about it though to a friend you're in cleveland to a friend i talked to somebody once some guy coming up to me asking me if where i

can get it probably just a dumb person oh no no no no no no no it wasn't stone that's the thing you think it was a cop yeah i'm pretty sure it was a cop i have pretty good instincts man i mean i'm guessing obviously and the legend could grow in my imagination over time but i was very convinced that this guy was fishy as fuck did you wait so you know when people are lying to you yeah you know you know if someone's bullshitting you or they're up to something yeah there was something he was up to something i've. There was something. He was up to something. I've entered into a few of those circumstances, though, anyway. Like, what am I doing?

Listen to yourself. And it's like, oh. Well, that's why when I said it loudly, I said, are you seriously asking me if I can get you illegal drugs? And then he just fucking got out of there. He was like, I am. It was just too loud. I was saying it loud in a group of people that were waiting in line to take pictures. And he just bolted.

Hey, man. Know where I can get some DMT? Can I get a gun from you? You seem like a nice guy. It's people that just really want the information. They don't think what it's like that they're asking another human. This guy was asking me to get him some. I was like, Jesus Christ, dude.

Brian, do you smoke weed with strangers? Yeah. You do. Joe, have you seen – Why? Do you you smoke weed with strangers? Yeah. You do. Joe, have you seen... Why? Do you know a stranger with weed? Let's go. Have you seen the trailer, the red band trailer for Ari's new movie?

What's Ari's new movie? What's a red band trailer? The Inappropriate Comedy. What is this? Is it a movie you're in? It's a sketch movie, yeah. He's in it a lot, too. Along with Lindsay Lohan

Your favorite Yeah I know Lindsay Lohan's in this thing? Yeah check this out Adrian Brody Adrian Brody's the main character This isn't even out yet though This spring

When trouble rises What happened to this Adrian Brody guy? He's doing movies with Ari now Go ahead Make me gay Go ahead Make me gay From Vince ahead, make me gay.

Fuck, was that the guy from ShamWow? Oh, I remember you telling me about this. The ShamWow guy made this? ShamWow guy made it. I hope we go straight to the titties. Not a lot of talking. You'll get action. You know how I got all these people to be in it. I gave him my hat.

Probably has coke. I blow myself. It's a blow job. You'll get romance. I call your pussy Rihanna, because my dicks want to beat it like it's Chris Brown. You'll get something, dick. Oh my god, what was that? Is your pussy like slanted?

Ah! Get it right. Let me just snap it. No. Duh. Pre-treats to Africa. Chicken. Get the chicken. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah's go! When he put his dick in me, I thought he popped an organ. It was like, Oh! What is that? I'm kidding! I just think I heard my dick gasp. Believe it or not!

Oh, man. Rob Schneider. That is wrong. Michelle Rodriguez. Pussy, pussy, pussy! Lindsay Lohan. Okay, you guys got your shot. Can I shoot you?

Yeah, sure. Here. And Adrian Brody in his finest performance since The Pianist. What the fuck are you doing here, you cocksucker pig? Easy now. I know you're ready to blow. I'm just gonna push your stool in real slow. Wow. Inappropriate comedy. How do you get through life like this, man?

This is crazy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. How does this help me drive? In theaters this March. Oh my God, Ari. Explain yourself. Sketch movie. I was only responsible for the ones I did.

The sketches you did looked like they were with real people. Yeah. There was more like amazing racist things. Yeah. That was great, man. Oh, you son of a bitch. I thought you were done with amazing racist. You brought it back. Yeah. Somebody finally was able to put the money into it to do it right. Which ones did you. Oh, you son of a bitch. I thought you were done with amazing racist. You brought it back.

Yeah. Somebody finally was able to put the money into it to do it right. Which ones did you... Well, you don't want to tell us. Don't tell us what the gags were. You shouldn't. Well, obviously, there was that one. Freak with the thing.

Freak with the thing. Freak with the rights to Africa. Yeah. Black folks. Did someone try to beat you up? Yeah. Did you apologize to them and tell them it was a sketch? Yeah.

Did they accept it? Not really. They're still mad at you? They're still mad at me. Yeah, black folks are not keen on black jokes. Be careful with that, son. Once the article got worked up to that point, rarely were people like, oh, okay, cool, I'm sorry.

What did you tell them? How do you bring them down? I didn't bring him down. Oh, you mean off the emotional cliff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just get him to sign stuff and say I'm really sorry. But they still look at you like, yeah.

I know who you are. Yeah, you're taking a crazy chance when you're just out there in the world running into random folks. Yeah, luckily most people are not murderers. That's true. Where did you do this? The boat thing is in Santa Monica. Oh, dude. yeah luckily most people are not murderers that's that's where did you do this that the

boat thing is in santa monica oh dude dude if i if i was joey diaz i'd say what the fuck is wrong with you he would say that what the fuck is wrong with you dog um santa monica i think it's coming out oh my god chicken and a guy came after you dressed like a gangbanger was he in fact a gangbanger who was that that guy right there he looks like he's in nwa i don't know it's the guy that attacks you look at him he looks like he's uh dr dre or somewhat dude it's just a plaid shirt no no he's, no. He's dressed very gangsta-like. Who's the guy with the chicken? Who's the other guy with you? That was Dante.

Dante the comedian? Dante the comedian. And he's offering them chicken dressed like a slave master, is that what he's calling them? Jesus Christ. Free trips, man. You can't look at gift cards in their mouth. Wow, that looks hilarious. Did Dante get hit or just you?

Just me. He was safely on the boat. Good for him. He's a smart man. He knows to stay outside the blast range. I'm just like Leonardo DiCaprio from Django Unchained. Did you see that movie? I saw it.

What did you think? It's pretty good. Pretty good fucking movie. Yeah. He knows how to make a good goddamn movie. Yeah. He makes things entertaining, you know? Yeah. Even when he's off a little bit, he he's still fucking it's still fun as shit three hours man

it was really fun to watch yeah it was like the life of pie everybody tells me the life of pie is an amazing movie has it come out yet i've seen it i fell asleep i fell asleep in the life of pie that's what you're supposed to get. If you get a complete karma, a dharma from the life of pie, you fall asleep. It's beautiful. The life of pie brought me to a peaceful place where I'm a vegetarian

and I went to sleep. Dude, your Buddha statue's crying. One single tear. Buddha be sad. Is that Buddha? The life of pie. He lived, the life of pie lived,

he lived on a boat with a fucking tiger for a month. Stop it. He tried to kill him at first then they became friends. Shut the fuck up. The tiger's starving and will not go for him. I'm not a child. Stop it. He tried to kill him at first, then they became friends. Shut the fuck up.

The tiger's starving and will not go for him. I'm not a child. I'm not a fucking child. Wouldn't the tiger fish for him and they bring them both back in? I don't think the tiger willing to jump in the water and catch things for that guy. I don't think they were really friends. I think it's a bullshit movie. You think the movie was he saw a tiger on a boat with a guy and then it's like, oh, beautiful. And then the guy got he saw a tiger on a boat with a guy and then it's like, oh, beautiful. And then the guy got killed by a tiger.

The idea that he could fight that tiger off even temporarily. Like he took a tuna from the tiger and he screamed at him and slapped something on the ground. The idea that the tiger would go for that in a boat. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here, man. That's like a hamster telling you what to do. That's what that's like. It's like can you imagine you coming home and a hamster is telling you what to do?

Can you imagine being in a boat and a hamster is telling you that it's going to eat and you're not going to get to eat? You'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? You'd grab that stupid thing and you'd kill it and you'd eat it. That's exactly what the tiger would have done. That movie should have been two minutes long. How did they explain it? Did you see it? Tiger sees him.

Not only that, the tiger was hiding in the boat for a whole day. Spoiler alert. I mean, you're going to be on a boat for a month with a fucking tiger. You have to do, I mean,

there's got to be some suspension of disbelief. People love the book. What did he do? He just yelled at him? The tiger is my friend. We are one, the tiger and I.

Together we will survive. How did I know you were going to see him? We will survive. It's a beautiful visual movie. That Ang Lee guy is a bad motherfucker. He did mountain did he did he that was beautiful visual too i don't know did angley do that i think it's angley is it him i think so brian you have seven computers in front of you yeah why don't you find that out what are you doing surfing the web no i was looking up this

crazy shit about adam carolla i don't know if you heard about it. What? What is it? He's one of the first podcasters to get sued. By who? For what? This big company that owns a bunch of patents went after Adam Carolla and the people that make some other podcasts that's pretty big.

And they're suing him, I believe, something on HowStstuffworks.com uh it's about a playlist it looks like what's a playlist what do you mean uh this company called personal audio llc uh did a patent infringement lawsuit against apple recently and won and now they're going after podcasters what What are they suing for? Using the algorithm to do a playlist? Yeah, they're not really saying much yet and Adam Carolla hasn't said anything yet. Adam Carolla said,

I continue to say girls aren't funny. I love how there's an on it. Powerful on it. But it says that Personal Audio's website, the company says it's patents, pioneered techniques now commonly used today in portable players, smartphones, tablets, and other products. And it lists several patents for music playlists, podcasting, personalized recommendations, and audio messaging. So is it like, did he have an application that they're saying infringed on a patent? I don't know.

That's what it sounds like? It seems like this company has patents in podcasting, so I don't know what that means because it can't just be like, hey, I put an audio file up and now you're suing me. So it has to be something about maybe he has his own personal app and something in that app. Well, here's the weird thing about suing somebody. Well, that's why I say that because smartphones and tablets. That's why it looks like that. I'm hoping. You don't really need calls to sue somebody.

You can just sue. That's true. And then it's out there. Yeah, but they just won an $8 million lawsuit against Apple. So something's going on here. Oh, so maybe there's some sort of application that Apple has available. It's probably some kind of playlist thing that's involved with making the app. And because they want – it also says that they – Playlist thing that's involved with making the app.

They've entered license agreements with Sirius XM Radio, Kobe, Samsung, Amazon, Motorola, and some others. Who these people have? Yeah, so it looks like there's companies that are actually entering licensing agreements against probably some kind of playlist thing or something. Huh. That's interesting. Yeah, so I guess it's probably the personal apps that are doing it. Oh, that's why you asked me if I have my own app.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's interesting. I have an app, but I didn't make it. Wouldn't it be the maker of the app? Yeah. It's not mine. It's a fan-made app.

So I don't think I'm responsible for a fan-made app. Weird. Maybe. I can't be. I can't. What am I going to do? I'm going to stop everybody from making – I mean, look, it would be stupid.

They're making something for free that other people can enjoy. Why would I stop that? That's stupid. It also makes me wonder if companies like Libsyn who offers – They offer an app. You can design your own free app. Yeah. I wonder if companies like Libsyn who offers – you can design your own free app. I wonder if that makes Libsyn accountable or every single one of those people. The person who does that.

My god. Everyone is fucked if that's the case. Yeah. Well, because if somebody makes printing supplies, like they haven't done anything wrong if you fucking just pirate a bunch of shirts. That's true. Just make San Francisco 49ers shirts. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, how do you you you're the one doing it do you think this is a real picture or photoshop because

it's very creepy oh my god it's real it's a no hate thing oh god i hate that thing i'm a little bored by it the whole i went on a giant fucking rant on twitter about that but no hate and people were saying that oh it's supposed to represent like you know not not having hate now it just represents no it just represents like trendy yeah it represents celebrities they're like look at me i'm there too i'm cool too it's the dumbest idea ever that the way to avoid hate is to draw on your face and cover your lips with tape how about just be nice to me why do you have to be anti-gay just because you're against the fucking look of an ad campaign? And why does Adam Crow

look so gay in this photo? He looks like he's wearing makeup. They gayed him up. Oh, okay. They gayed him up. Yeah, that's Photoshop, right? They gave him blush. No.

That's just how they shot it. Yeah, that's an odd little thing there, isn't it? There's no hate. I saw that on so many people's pages. The tape over their fucking mouth. And then everybody's like, I want that too. But people's pages the tape so many people fucking mouth like

and then everybody's like i want that too but it's not not supporting the thing it's about being trendy dumb message like the way to stop hate is to put tape over your mouth like what what do you what does that represent no blow job what kind of image is that a piece of tape over your fucking mouth how about just smiles how about people smiling yeah what's the table that's a silence i'm sure there's a reason for it the reason is to get us to talk about it oh that means you can't have hate come out of your mouth yes but that i don't carola's not the hateful one or isn't he saying he's not the hateful one everybody's not the hateful one there's all these celebrities all these different people that put tape over their fucking mouth and wrote

no hate on their face they're're dumb. It's just – I wonder if anyone – Or they got talked into doing it by a chick. Yeah. That could be it too. I wonder if anyone tried to put tape over their mouth and put it over their nose too and then started to suffocate a little. I think –

I think they would suffocate in trendiness. That sort of thing. Before they would run out of air. Yeah. Look at this. No hate. No hate. And it's an H with a red 8 because it's Proposition 8.

There's no hate. And it's an H with a red 8 because it's Proposition 8. Because Proposition 8 was the proposition that made it illegal to have gay marriage. But why tape over your fucking mouth, man? And why do you have to draw on your face? And why is he so pretty right there? He's beautiful. Sexy as fuck. He's probably the best he's ever looked, actually.

Ever. If he really looked like that, I'd kiss him right in the mouth. He's got crew pomade in his hair. He's got little eye trims. He looks like a fucking novella star. He looks awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, we wish Adam luck in his lawsuits. I wouldn't have sex with a guy like that, but I would want to hang out with him. He's a good dude. Adam Crowley's a very good dude. No, I mean a guy who looks awesome.

Condos. Have you ever talked to him? Have you ever done a show? Uh-uh. No? He's a fun guy, man. I think they're going to try to get me on there

to promote my special when it comes out. Yeah, he's a fun guy to talk to. He's just a motherfucker. So intelligent. Got so much interesting shit going on in his head all the time. My friend listens to him, and he said he just loves the David Allen Greer episodes because when Adam Crowe was like, I got to do sponsorship now, so no cursing. And David Allen Greer refuses to comply.

Oh, really? And then he just waits until he goes, you know, go to stamps.com for all your cunt cunt cunt shit cunt it's just like keep doing that what so the way he does commercials too he this is how most people are doing it they they break up the show into like little chunks they do a bunch of them they'll do like four of them they'll do them like every 15 minutes or every half hour whatever you're gonna do but and they just say okay here this next segment this next hour is brought to you by so-and-so this just stops the whole flow of the conversation they just start reading paper yeah and they've asked me to do the same thing and i i can't do it i get why that would be a good one but then people would but in the beginning let's keep out of the way in the

beginning people skip right over that shit yeah but but so what that's fine too so what you know and sometimes they don't and by the way the um the ads like a lot of times we talk bad shit during the ads and sometimes they're funny and yeah we have to get to the user code name rogan and so we get to all that stuff but at the end of the day right it's fun it's still fun yeah the show's still free you know we still have to pay for bandwidth and everything like that, but I refuse to interrupt it. If your whole podcast was just the commercial part, and you had

you, Rogan Diaz, and Red Band. It was like three people here. That would still be a very entertaining podcast. Oh, yeah. Especially if we still had the Fleshlight. I miss the Fleshlight. I can't wait. I get to see the Fleshlight next next week i'm so happy i'll bring you some i have a gang of them i told you they're just sitting in my office did you hear

the good news about the doug stanhope trial by the way that's fucking awesome what's the judge rules uh ruling allows the comics uh doug stanhope to release video uhing of the Porn-sake Lucy man of molestation Whoa So Doug And Andy Andrist Had a video Of this guy Who apparently molested Andy When he was young And he promised Andy a car

He had video of him doing what? They had video of him Accusing this guy and the guy broke down. He also claims that he served him alcohol, showed him porno movies. He molested him like crazy. I mean, the guy bought him a car to be quiet about. It's not for his charges when he became older.

Yeah. Is that what it was? They recorded it during a January 9, 2009 performance of Down and Dirty on HBO. They went and got the guy and they found where he lived. And I forget how they got him to do an interview. It was something else, right, Joe? Yeah, I don't know how they got him to do it.

They somehow or another got him to meet and do the interview where he accused him of uh i was at that recording a sexual predator wait so and he paid him off to not talk no they sued him somehow or another who sued who the the guy whose video was sued andy released sued doug and andy saying don't release that yeah i guess i've seen them several times uh from to 1981. Those are good years. Those were good years. He massaged him. Why is it a five-year period and then when he was between 11 and 13? Why is it 11 and 16? Somebody can't count.

I don't know, but that's so fucked up, man. It's so fucked up. And so they want to release this video of this guy committing and crying. The guy said, you know, you were a sexual predator to me. Andy said that, and the guy said uh you know you were sexual predator to me and he said that and the guy said uh-huh and the judge just ruled in favor of andy and said you can release this yes wow and then there hasn't been any comment if he's going to release it stanhope says when and how the video is released it's up to andy that this is all andy's deal i'll get out there though i guarantee that it'll get out there though though. I guarantee that. It'll get out there, though. Wow.

I'm sure. It's sad, man. Yeah. I wonder, why can't you? I don't want to fucking, I'm not blackmailing him. I'm putting this video out of him. Yeah. Saying what he did. The punishment's not worse.

He's just admitting to the thing he did. Right. You know? Well, you know, with a lot of those guys, it's about being exposed. Once you're exposed as a sexual predator. I can't imagine they got away his whole life and got away with it. I mean, probably he's already a sexual predator somewhere. I mean, wait till they find out.

You really think? I think he got away with it all this time. Seems like that's pretty possible. That's so fucked. I just always assume that if someone is out there molesting kids, they try to keep doing it, and then they get caught. Yeah, because he can't do anything now because it's been over, what, seven years or whatever it is. What is it? A statute of limitations expires on child molesting?

Child molestation? So you can just talk about it? I think so, right? And the guy doesn't get arrested? Wow. That's kind of fucked. I don't know. I know the statute of limitations doesn't apply to everything.

It does not apply to everything. And there's federal statute of limitations. Is there a state statute of limitations as well? Yeah, like if you say, hey, I killed JFK and he had proof, they're probably still going to do something. How old were you? This would be a great segment. It's time for Brian Redband's law advice. Based on half-watched episodes of Law and Order.

Hey, but it was 10 years ago. Do you think I can tell them about it now? Yeah, that's plenty of time. In fact, you should brag about it to the family, and if they do anything, you can sue them. And did the guy tell you he was a cop? No, they don't tell you you're a cop. You're fine. You can get off scot-free. They did that in Breaking Bad,

didn't they? It was something early on where somebody trusted a cop, and he was like, you a cop? He goes, because you've got to tell me if you are. He goes, no, no, yeah, I would have to tell you. And then he said it sold him bad, and he goes, no, you're under arrest. I don't have to tell me if you are. He goes, no, no, yeah, I would have to tell you. And then he said it sold him back. And he goes, you're under arrest. I don't have to tell you. What are you talking about?

Yeah, it's a weird sort of a myth that you have to tell someone if they ask you, are you a cop? I think there was always like hookers in movies would ask the Johns, are you a cop? Did you get arrested for getting a hooker in college? No. Was that real? No. Did you get arrested in college? No, it's just a joke.

A completely joke. Yeah, the only thing I learned in college was avoid hookers with walkie-talkies that was a joke no it's just a joke okay no it's a complete fabrication that was back in the days when i used to write joke jokes yeah that's good to have too once in a while yeah yeah there's a good like a good solid one-liner to pull you out of a ditch. Or to just set. Can't think of a segue yet. Yeah, yeah. Set the stage.

As long as it's a good crisp one, you could have a complete game changer. Just completely change the tempo of where the show's going. Man, there's a trailer for this new Kevin Hart movie. Kevin Hart apparently has this new stand-up movie coming out. Really? And you see the size of the crowds he's doing holy shit that's the one with fucking pyro dude techniques yeah they didn't show any of the pyro i guess they're trying to um save that as you know for fun but in the trailer they didn't show it no but i mean you're talking about like it looks like

18 000 people it looks like a ufc he's doing massive places it's crazy good for him man yeah good for him that's great for comedy anytime a guy uh more people exposed to comedy yeah and anytime a guy that's that big you know who uh does that well that just stimulates the whole sort of comedy movement like guys see that like wow like where were all these people like five years ago you know where were all these people for any of any other comedian well they were out there the fans were out there just nobody had done anything that really resonated with them like this guy you know they get them access to somehow yeah well he's the the hot young guy you know as far as like uh especially like young black comedians that's why kat williams was upset at him like he took over his spot yeah apparently you know that was the hit point remember

that especially did when he had all the celebrities come up. Yeah. He had somebody from Little John or somebody come up and do a walk-by. Cat Williams, and in his prime, is still one of my all-time favorites. That special was amazing. Much loony behaviors he's involved with these days, whatever. When he goes off in front of a black crowd on Michael Jackson. Yeah.

The honest way. The way everyone's ignoring. Like, stop it. That guy's a child molester. you would never trust him with your child yeah you know and to a black audience they were like what and he just fucking said it right at them over and over again it was like wow he beat them down with it yeah he beat them down with it he's he was hilarious he was fucking i mean maybe maybe he still is maybe this is all trolling didn't uh what's his face joaquin phoenix troll everybody for a year for like a year and we just saw cat in that new movie trailer where remember it's that's yeah people and stuff it's a documentary i'm talking about the new movie that's uh scary movie five oh yeah he's in a trailer where he goes nutty in the

trailer oh really well that's his whole thing was just a big troll right just so we can like make a movie about it that was with the other guys joaquin phoenix yeah yeah that was his thing he was going on letterman pretending he's nuts yeah and what did he do he made a they made a what's that yeah he was a rapper for a while he would like fall down on purpose yeah the problem with that is then when anybody like britney spears shaves her head or kat williams goes crazy you'd be like well maybe it's just a publicity yeah you're like no no no these people are in a bad place well britney spears for sure yeah i think it's being like a hot girl singer yeah like that has got to be one of the especially someone as famous as that chick

is yeah it's got to be the pressure has got to be unimaginable to grow up in that pressure yeah to go from being a mousketeer to being a grown woman also it's not just celebrity it's other level fame oh yeah it's that worldwide you know you can't your bus gets mobbed yeah you know and does she even have her kids i don't think so i don't think so yeah i think k-fed's got the kids like when they when they don't they don't give you your kids man yeah that's not good because the state's saying i know you're the rich one but we can't trust you with this like listen this guy is he loves these kids don't they almost always give it to the girl dude i don't know how it's set up it's it's got to be rare though to take kids away from

the mother it's gotta it's not when they're everyone's healthy right but everyone's healthy the kids generally stay with the mother you ever see unless the you know there's an agreement craig ferguson's um monologue about britney spears yeah it was very nice yeah it's very heartfelt you know i there's there's a certain amount of of us that want to kick somebody when they're down. They want to, like, mock someone, whether it's Lindsay Lohan or whether it's anybody else, Paris Hilton. Or, you know, when everyone is getting some, you know, everyone's shitting on someone, they want to just pile on. They want to jump in. And whether it's about Brittany Murphy or whether it's Brittany Spears or whether it's Lindsay Lohan, any of these girls.

Brittany Murphy is molding a lot this week. You're right. A small part of you. Well, she was – I mean that thing with her when she was falling apart and she wound up dying and then her husband died. What was all that shit? Drugs, man. Those guys were doing heavy opiates. Oh, Brittany Murphy?

Yeah. Yeah. She had opiates in her system. Dude, there's so many people out there that are having problems were doing heavy opiates. Who, Brittany Murphy? Yeah. Yeah, she had opiates in her system. Dude, there's so many people out there that are having problems right now with opiates. Which ones are opiates? Oxycontins, heroin, morphine. I know a lot of. I would do jokes about pills sometimes.

And then when I go to the Midwest, sometimes my drug stuff, I'm like, oh, you guys aren't going to get my. And then I realized doing that, I was like, oh, this is where this shit is from. I shouldn't talk about school. Nothing else to do. I'm like, oh, you guys aren't going to get my – and then I realized doing that – I was like, oh, this is where this shit is from. I shouldn't talk about school. There's nothing else to do. I shouldn't talk about school with Brittany Murphy. I'm assuming it was Oxycontins. But now that I say that, I'm like, man, maybe it was like a speed thing. But there was a lot of drugs in her system.

She died in a bathtub, didn't she? Well, let's see what – God, that scene where Eminem fucked her in the in the warehouse when she just spit on her hand and put it down there what a good kid god that was hot was it remember that from eight mile did you ever beat off to that at all oh yeah you son of a bitch oh yeah yeah i was right sorry multiple medications are present elevated levels of hydrocodone that's oxy yep uh. Acetaminophen. That's aspirin.

Yeah, cold medication. She's a cold-ass honky. Chloropheneramine. L-methamphetamine. Oh, my God. She had meth in her. Jesus Christ. This chick had a crazy cocktail, man.

Hydrocodone. Okay, and I guess that gave her a headache, so she took some Tylenol. She had a little acetaminophen in her system. She's now time to party again. And methamphetamine. I think L-methamphetamine. Is that the same as methamphetamine?

I have no idea. Brian, you ever do? It's from Mexico. What pills do you do? It's from Mexico? Yeah, Mexican methamphetamine? I have no idea. Brian, you ever do? It's from Mexico. What pills do you do? It's from Mexico? Yeah, Mexican methamphetamine. Ah! It's not a Vicodin.

Let's Google it and see what L-methamphetamine is. What's that? What pills do you do? I don't do any pills. I do, once in a while, I do some Oli. If that's around. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, no, no, no. I want to get that, not Adderall, but that pill, that other stuff. Adderall. L-methamphetamine is levomethamphetamine, and what it is is a cold medication. It's a nasal decongestant. Oh, really? Yeah, it's a vasoconstrictor, which is the active ingredient used in some over-the-count nasal decongestants. So she was –

That's not meth. Basically, she was taking oxys and she got sick. She might have also been snorting the oxys. Well, that's – she died from the sickness. She didn't die from the drugs. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, much like Duesberg – by the way, we do have someone who's going to debate Peter Duesberg.

We have a professor of biology, a heavy- duty phd dude who's down for the program i believe he's a professor got tyson to do it but he's going he's going to do it um so uh but i think much like his assertions he he was saying he says a lot of crazy shit about hiv that hiv only exists in the immune system people had already compromised and then what's really going on is those people are partying well that's what she was doing she was partying so hard that she was sick as fuck so while she was sick as fuck she's taking all these nasal decongestants and really what it was is her body was too weak to fight off anything because she was just redlining and on heroin that's what was going on scary scary stuff but yeah when when he um he separated himself from the pack craig ferguson did when he separated himself from the pack, Craig Ferguson did, when he did that thing about Britney Spears.

He said, guys, that's a girl that's clearly got a problem. She's got a substance abuse problem. We're all just making fun of it like it's fine. She's a mom. She's fucking up her life. Tell Britney Spears I'm new today. Can you believe that, folks? She's here.

Can anyone watch Jay Leno anymore? Can anyone watch that? Jay Leno. Enjoy it. Which age group is watching that? I watch Kimmel at 1130 now. He beat Letterman in his first show too.

That's good. That ratings. Jay Leno has always been nice to me. I will always be nice to him. And we both like cars. Yeah, but man. Hey, it's better

than you say. What do you think, guys? Isn't it crazy? God, that jaywalking thing. All of it is just like, who are you playing to? Hey, you know? God, that jaywalking thing. All of it is just like, who are you playing to? Hey, you know, the people that are like me. Nice folks.

Wow. Nice folks. Middle America. I do remember when we were striking for SAG. I got my SAG card by striking during the commercial strike of whatever it was 12 years ago. And he drove by and honked and put his hands out the window. Leaving his mansion in one of his 100 automobiles. I'm with you guys.

It's a nice thing to lose any money, though. I've got to pay for all this shit. I've never seen a guy on earth that has more cars. That must seem like such a job after a while. Maintaining those cars? No, doing that for 30 years, five days a week. The Tonight Show? Yeah.

He fucking loves it, though. Well, look, I love doing this. I mean, this is obviously not the Tonight Show. It's a lot easier. We just call it any day you want. Say, we're not doing this. That's what's beautiful about it. But I love doing it.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. For him, like the Tonight Show, that one hour a night that he does, it's fucking exciting. Yeah. He enjoys it. He likes being a funny guy with some funny shit to say. He likes sitting down and interviewing people. He enjoys it. And he still works on his material on stage? exciting. Yeah. He enjoys it. He likes being a funny guy with some funny shit to say. He likes sitting down and interviewing people. And he still works out his material on stage?

Yep. Wow. Yeah. On the real stages. Yep. He goes to the fucking Comedy and Magic Club every Sunday night, man. Every Sunday night he works out his monologue. For the week?

Yep. Yeah. He's got a bunch of jokes he wrote himself. Has comics over. They eat fried chicken and they write jokes. How do you not love the guy? You know? He's just doing shit that you don't like.

Yeah. He's just doing some Perry Como shit. You know what I mean? He's doing some fucking, you know, it's just. Yeah, whenever he says, what's in the news today? I'm like, why do you care? Yeah. Well, he get a little edgy now and again.

It's just, you know, that job is not that. That job is almost like it's. Yeah. It's like you're a host. You know, you're a friendly host here to get a couple of chuckles. You're not there to make any big points. You're just there to get everybody grinning

and then bring out the people that are selling books. Bring out the guy who's got a movie coming out. Bring out this. I'm not into it, but that's me. Maybe he likes it. Some people really like talking to celebrities, too. Dude, I got up at eight no nine o'clock in the morning on sunday and drove drove down to bellflower to play in a pool tournament

how many fucking people would be excited to do that it's a tiny fraction of the world's population in fact if you told them they were going to do that they'd be like the fuck i don't want to go play 8 30 a.m fucking suck it pool and i'm not gonna get up in the morning and then drive all the way the fuck down there but to me it was like i'm gonna get up have a good breakfast try to get some coffee in me wake up get there early and knock some balls i like so you said as soon as you finish off in that tournament you went right back to another one yeah i played again on monday night because sunday night i didn't play good i was not awake man my i i think if i'm ever gonna play in a tournament in the morning i gotta at

least do some calisthenics like i think maybe some jumping jacks or something like really actually yeah maybe run up a couple flights of stairs or something because i feel like my my eyes couldn't see that good yet i was like i was like blinking a lot and my arm wasn't loosened up i was just i was still stretching yeah i'd barely know, been awake for like two hours or whatever it fucking was when I, when I first started playing. So I realized that like,

I need more preparation if you're going to do something like that. Yeah. Talk to people on the phone, get loose a little, walk around. It's really fun though. Do you stretch beforehand?

No, but I stretch during it sometimes. Like, you know, like when it's not my chance to shot, I'll just sort of like, you know, put my leg on something and stretch. What do clothes yeah no i wear a batman outfit bro

well i thought like a suit like a fucking master on and a cape i wear a mexican mask and a and a fucking that would intimidate people if somebody came into a pool just like that wanting action you'd be like you're not getting my action the unique thing about pool is that nobody gives a fuck about anything else in the pool room except can you play. That's like all they ever care about. It's like a place like pool halls are a place where you have a whole group of people that are addicted to a very specific activity. And that's like hugely important to them in that world. It's not like that in comedy. No, no, no no no no like if you

meet a guy in comedy and the guy doesn't do stand-up it never bothers you or even if he's bad but like yeah a good guy it bothers you a little but it's not gonna be like that bothered me for years i had to learn how to get over that when i came to the store i learned to get over that because there was guys that i genuinely loved that i would see there every week and i give them a big hug i just have to leave the room when they went on stage. But I realized as a person, he's a great guy. He's just – whatever limits him up there. Everyone's got their own struggles to get there or whatever. Their potential is not that great, whatever it is.

But it's like – But if you're in a pool hall and you can't play, they have no respect for you. None. If the president was in the pool hall and he was fucking making shitty shots, I'd just shake their head. This motherfucker can't even get out. They would just shake their head. This motherfucker can't even get out. They would just shake their head. It's a weird thing when people lock on to one obsession together

and like a group of golfers. They're all just getting good. I mean, it's not even always about getting good. Sometimes it's just about being obsessed with a thing. Like people who play fantasy. Yes, fantasy games, fantasy football even. They'll get together and make fantasy games. Those people always want to tell you about their goddamn fucking roster.

Can't believe Arian Foster. Fucking all he needed was six more yards at the end. And then he goes, why would this entertain anyone? Even the people in your league aren't entertained by this. Did you hear about that junior how you say his last name junior sale during sale yeah the guy who committed suicide they um they found that he had cte had chronic um uh brain disease yeah i saw the headline what is cte that's what it was it's from traumatic uh yeah that was a that was a football related

suicide yeah 100 precautions yeah it's a traumatic brain disorder they uh yeah it's bad it's very bad when people are intentionally leaving their brains over to study yeah so the other football players have don't have to go through this and it's multiple yeah i'm starting to think football yeah um you know i think um it's very important to figure out like when this starts happening and how to cut it off. I think you can take a few hits as a young man, and I think you can take a few knockouts in fighting. You can be fine in your later years,

but how many can you? I don't think they know. And it varies. That's another problem. I read this thing about a guy who committed suicide who got knocked unconscious. High school football player. Real friendly, nice, everyone loved him. And then they sat him out, and he did this stuff that was stimulating to his mind.

He went to a concert, played a bunch of video games, and committed suicide. Whoa. And they were like, yeah, you're supposed to take off from all that. Barely read, if anything, but sit alone, no loud music. So because he played video games and went stimulated his mind too much it was just and his in his concussed mind couldn't handle it so it just wanted out and killed himself yeah he got super depressed they called him down for dinner and he was like not coming down he's hanging oh my god jesus christ what's this coming from he

showed no signs of depression prior and they're like this can easily be caused by concussions until they're out of your system there's so much they don't understand yeah the the kind of concussions that you get in football too boy god you get people running at you the amount of force you're running that way and they're running this way and also it's like the ones where you don't get a concussion you just get wrong yeah you know over and over and over again you're hitting helmets with other people in fact they say that that's the biggest issue it's not even the actual concussions themselves it's the sub-concussive trauma that accumulates they're saying that's why people who've never been knocked out in the gym they there's been hit so many times they get it and then all of a sudden out of nowhere for whatever reason they're just their

brain breaks and then they can't get hit anymore and you can hit them and they just fall down like it's a weird thing that happens to guys just builds up enough lose their chin they completely lose their chin and it's it's i've seen that ufc enough times it's like once you get knocked out once i don't know if it's because you're probably a little slower and that's why you got knocked out so you continue to get slower or just your chin is opened up well Well, I actually talked to Chuck Liddell about this. That's a good case I was thinking of too. Yeah, and what Chuck said is that, first of all, Chuck was legendary for his ability to take a punch.

Untouchable. He just was tough as fuck. He would bite down on his mouthpiece and swing at you. on his mouthpiece and swing at you you know like alistair overeem and him fought in pride in the grand prix the 202 and three pound grand prix well i think uh their their version of it they didn't call it light heavyweight i think they called it middleweight okay and um alistair put it on him in that first round man tagged him hit him with some vicious shots but chuck liddell just gritted down and eventually cracked alistair with an overhand right and had him wobbled and then jumped all over him and stopped him if he was a lot of other guys would have

went down in that first round Chuck was just so tough yeah you couldn't stop him his mind was so strong he was coming at you and he was so determined and what he said was that his body recognized that his mind was going to make it take more damage so his body would shut off his consciousness would actually shut itself off because it would start to evolve it had known that this guy this leads to damage when you get hit like this if you let this guy drive you he's going to keep going until the fucking wheels fall off and he'll he'll take a hundred shots to the head just deliver one and then you got to deal with

the consequence of that so the body would shut itself off early so when he would be getting you get tagged and your brain just says that's it check please and just wants to shut you off wow so if you looked at like chuck's last fight this last fight with Rich Franklin, perfect example because he looks in tremendous shape. He looks fucking scary. I mean he's really ripped. His wife is a fitness enthusiast and she got him eating healthy and wearing a heart rate monitor and doing all this shit that he'd never done before and counting his calories every day and eating really healthy foods. So he got in super good shape. So he was down for this Rich Franklin fight.

Broke Rich Franklin's arm with a big kick in the first round. I mean, Rich Franklin was fucked going into that second round. And Chuck is just going after him. And he gets clipped with a punch that five years ago he would have ate it like a cookie. He would have just ate that punch and just fucking swinged on it. But his brain said check please And just shot him off and it was that it was literally not a case of ability and not a case of will But a case of his his he just take two took two shots

So that's what happens according to him according to Chuck and he would know better than anybody that makes sense He's very honest about it Then once you have been exposed like you're just done you're done the first time probably it was already your body had made the decision. I don't know. The first time you get knocked out, it's like your body is like, just go off. Anytime it happens, it's bad, whether it's the first time or the last. It's always bad when you get a concussion. There's never a good concussion.

But I think it really varies. For some people, they can get knocked out a few times and be fine. And for other people, it's like one knockout could change their entire life yeah and it's all those you have to think about all the shit that happened to you when you were young too that you don't really remember i mean how many times did you hit your head i hit my head a bunch i have scars all over the back of my head that aren't my hair transplant scar i've like big ass scars i could see you as a child being like one of those oversized puppies on linoleum floor and just like running smash get up run again. I had way too much energy and I just no direction for it at all

I was always getting hurt. Yeah, I was always doing stupid shit You know when you're a young guy like if you've seen those videos of those young teens in Russia that are always doing insane Things like they did a bungee cord a homemade bungee cord off the roof of a building in the middle of the winter did it break no but this girl hung on to this bungee cord that it looks like they made it with some fucking cables they found she jumps off the fucking roof screaming wow and there's another one of these russian kids that are on a beam it's 900 feet above the fucking ground 900 feet and this guy is walking this tightrope above this beam and videotaping it at the same time. And you will shit your pants when you watch that. Wow, it's so

high up. Well, when I was a kid, man, before I got into martial arts, I did all kinds of stupid shit that I could have done it from. I jumped on the back of a train and hung on as the train went from stop to stop. Really? Yeah. What? Yeah, man. I hung on to a train on the outside. Me and my friend Jimmy, we both did it. Which city is this? This is in Newton. Wow. Yeah, man. I hung on to a train on the outside. Me and my friend Jimmy.

We both did it. Which city is this? This is in Newton. Oh, wow. Yeah, we hopped on a T. It was fucking terrifying, man. The thing was going so fast. It was so stupid.

When you're a teenager, when you're 14 years old or whatever the fuck we were, you're just dumb, man. Just do it. Just do it. You're just dumb. You don't know the consequences or possible consequences. And you also want to prove to your friends you're not scared. You want to do something crazy so they'll talk about you.

You know what you do that with? Everyone ends up doing that with too is their emotions, their heart for a while. You pour yourself into some girl. And then they just break you. And then you're like, oh, can't do that anymore. Your body starts to protect itself. Yeah. Boy.

You're no ways in love like when you're 15. Yeah. You can lose your whole identity. Yeah. Well, you also become a sex addict once you start fucking. And you realize like, oh my god, like this crazy feeling of like – I just want to be around you forever. You can never really understand quite how good sex feels until you have sex.

How old were you? I think it was when I was – I think the actual intercourse was like a month before my 16th birthday. That seems too young to me. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. I was laying pipe at 15. Ari was a late bloomer. I was 23. Yeah, 23.

Well, I'm pretty sure my girlfriend was not a virgin at the time. I had my first miscarriage at 15. Who got you pregnant? It was in a toilet. No, i had my first miscarriage at 15 who got you pregnant it was in a toilet no no the girl was doing um duh i remember looking at it going uh wait she really had a miscarriage in a toilet yeah it's a gross looking what did it and if that what was just splotchy didn't have that and she had the baby can you imagine how different that would be oh your whole life someone just told me something that i have to look up what i just remember about sheep no about sheep and that you can have sex with a sheep and it conceives like some sort of an embryonic fetus that always gets aborted it always um miscarries human you mean sheep has the third closest uh vagina than uh human yeah um but apparently... Get your piss on, son. I'm not going to masturbate about sheep pussy while I'm in there.

I'm going to find out... Is there any more weed in here? Of course there is. There's always weed in here. Oh, you've got yours. Allegedly. All in one E. I'm trying to find whether or not this is true. And if it's not true, I'm going to be very upset with some of it.

Also, people on Twitter, a lot of people were going crazy that you said that hydrocodine is not – people were saying it's not oxy. It's not oxy. Oxy is oxy. Hydrocodone is what's in Vicodin. Oh, she had Vicodin. So it was a Vicodin thing. Okay.

That's not – I don't think – or Vicodin is an opiate? I don't know. All that shit is gross. All it is is bad. Well, whatever. This poor poor girl my point remains it's like she was um thanks for the correction vicodin opiate yes vicodin is an opiate um yeah it's yeah that's exactly what it is vicodin is hydrocodone okay now we know it's all opiates man it's all essentially it's all the shit that we're in afghanistan for allegedly allegedly allegedly have you ever done uh vicodins oh yeah tons of times i did vicodins

once and i had i don't like it i don't like it yeah we talked about this we both don't like vicodin that's right it's hydrocodone hydrocodone is vicodin oh really yeah what's oxy? Oxycodone. Yeah, oxy is oxy. Yeah. Oh. Hydrocodone is Vicodin. Oxycodone, I guess. Oh. Yeah, it seems... Yeah, I took Vicodin a bunch for like after a surgery and it really stops you up. It's... Yeah, it does.

It won't let you shit at all. And it just... You don't get shit done. It just... Oh, yeah. I think it's for like... Well, some people use it differently. My friends have used it. I mean, I like it when I'm in pain to cover up the pain. But then it's like I won't think it's for like well some people use it differently my friends have used it

but i mean i like when i'm in pain to cover the pain but then it's like i won't be doing anything right but some people love fucking killing all the pain one of those and a beer and it's like that makes just a good night yeah there's no way you can impregnate a fucking sheep and i can't believe i'm looking this up i was in the middle of middle of doing this did you make it i'm like how can i didn't say it no no no no it was the third closest vagina someone said it to me and he's not a dummy that's what was it was a fucking very successful man means it just whatever we put in there fills up the sack well there's a thing that people need to stop doing with like shit like this yeah just go google it and then tell me oh you know i heard don't just tell

me that a sheep can get pregnant from a fucking dude son of a bitch can't but there's apparently this is a very common myth because there's a lot of um these questions ever all over this while humans can impregnate apes they cannot impregnate we can impregnate apes, they cannot impregnate sheep. We can impregnate apes? What? Wait, what? Back that up. Get the fuck out of here. Back that up. Okay, let's see.

Can a human impregnate an ape? Great ape prankers. Well, that's that humanzy. You know, we played that a couple of days ago. The weird chimpanzee that people suspected was a hybrid. They thought it was a hybrid. Yeah, because it walked straight up. It had, like, a hairless face.

It's really, really unusual. And do they say no? No, it's just a fucked up chimp. Just a bunch of wacky things going on with its genetics. But when you looked at it, it was really... You've never seen that? Humanzy? Oliver? His name's Oliver?

Uh-uh. Pull his face up, Brian, just so you can tell. Can a human... Oh, look up. Can a human impregnate an ape? What's his name again? Oliver. Oliver the Humanzy. Alright, can a human impregnate an ape?

I say no. I say someone is wrong. That seems like it shouldn't be allowed by nature. They had to work really hard to get a donkey and a fucking horse together. Okay, so it looks like they tried to do it in the 1920s. Who did? Well, here's the issue. Two to do it in the 1920s. Who did? Well, here's the issue. Two chimpanzees have the United States government did.

Oh! No, that's not him. That looks like Jeff Scott. Oh, how dare you. That's it right there, the gray, the black and white one, because it was a long time ago. Look at his face. It's really weird.

He's got no hair on it. That's a hard one, too, because it's a close-up. That looks like a chimp to me. Look at the other one. Look at that one, the far left. Look at the far left. Far left. Up, up above.

Yeah, look at that. Look at this one. Yeah, that looks like a monkey to me. That looks like someone put glasses. That's not real, though, dude. They took, what's their name? Who's that black guy who makes all the movies? Chimps have 48 chromosomes.

Spike Lee? No. He makes, like, one movie. What? Tyler Perry. He looks like Tyler Perry. Chimps have 48 chromosomes, and Lee? No. He makes like one movie. What? Tyler Perry. He looks like Tyler Perry. Chimps have 48 chromosomes and humans have 46. So it really doesn't make sense apparently that they could mate.

So if a fetus is born. Do horses and donkeys have the same amount of chromosomes? What about tigers and lions? What's a chromosome? Well, tigers and lions can mate. They can. They become a liger. Yeah.

Yeah. But the ligers are barren, right? Exactly it's the same with mule with donkey and horse yeah a lot of times hybrids uh can't breed for some strange reason because god says no yeah god says you can only go around me so much you fucked up mr rock bass i wore a diaper all day on tuesday son of a bitch how was that just shitting it pretty interesting uh no i pissed in it um and that felt weird i pooped in my you pooped in one yeah he had a whole joke he used to do about it yeah this is depends on they make them like underwear looking now yeah they're really great i pooped and then went to target ew with it in there yeah i pooped at Target. So apparently they tried to make an ape pregnant with human sperm.

They tried to do it in the 1920s, but it didn't work. Using artificial insemination, they were trying to do it. Some sick fucks. What if they did? What if there was some real Island of Dr. Moreau shit out there? It was half human, half chimp. Yeah. I'd be okay with that.

Would you be okay with, like, taking a trip to go watch him? Stare at him? What's security like? Machine guns, Israeli, Mossad. How about that? Okay, but I'm saying he's not walking around the grounds like he's part owner of the place. He's not treated like an equal, is he? I'm thinking giant plexiglass wall.

Okay. We're watching him that way. Not, like, having lunch. We're going to hate you. We're going to hate you. We're going to hate you. You made a half monkey. Chimps are mean as fuck. And people are mean as fuck.

Kill me. Remember that in The Fly? Yeah. Kill me. Oh, Jesus. He's half dog, half human. That was a great movie. Yeah.

I need to watch that again. They need to remake that. They kept it alive. They already did remake it. That was a remake. Oh, yeah. Jeff Goldblum was a bad motherfucker he was such a bad motherfucker that you talk about his version of fly you know it's like you talk about frankenstein you go all the way back to lawn

chaney yeah you know you're boris karloff you don't go the new one yeah you don't go to fucking even de niro you go to boris karloff that's frankenstein the flathead and the bolts and shit that's what franken Frankenstein fucking looks like. But not with the fly. The fly you go with Jeff Goldblum. Not the black and white one. He nailed it. He was so creepy.

He was so good. That was when he was young. He had a fire in his life. He was a shut-in. He was an animal, man. He was so good. He was like the shut-in. He had a hot girlfriend for whatever reason. Geena Davis?

Yeah, Geena Davis. Remember when he got fucked up? He was becoming more girlfriend for whatever reason. Geena Davis? Yeah, Geena Davis. Remember when he got fucked up? He was becoming more and more the fly, so he started going out to places and fucking with people and arm wrestling with dudes. And he broke his arm back. Yeah. And he's twitching and shit and fucking like crazy and he impregnated her. That was a great-

He impregnated her with a half fly thing? Yes. Remember? No. What happened? I don't know. I don't think it lived. I mean, I think she probably had an abortion or something. She should have. Or the end of the movie ended happened i don't know i think i don't think it lived i mean i think she probably had an abortion or something or the end of the movie ended i don't remember i haven't

seen it in like 10 years but i remember it was a fucking awesome movie because i was always like i would always watch star trek and the the beam up part you know the captain kirk old school original and you know when they scotty beat me up and they all of a sudden you i'm like wow they're gonna do that someday someday they're gonna be able to make you disappear and then reappear somewhere yeah but i remember every now and then there would be some fuck-ups and someone would come out dead they would come out oh yeah all fucked up from the trends or they transported them to no no coordinates and then just forever they're just in in route oh you're just stuck in space yeah flying around yeah it's amazing they used to do those things with the next generation They're just in route. Oh, you're just stuck in space. Yeah. Flying around.

Yeah, it's amazing. They used to do those things with the next generation where they said beam them up and they go, oh, his phaser has already been, like, it's being fired. They're like, oh, disable it. Like, they were about to kill somebody on the surface when they got beamed up. Yeah, the idea that you could do that to somebody. What are they doing between floors? What are they doing to beam me into this table? You know what's really stupid about the next generation?

What? No internet. No, they all had fucking, they all had iPads. iPads? Yeah. They had iPads? Captain Picard had iPads. He did?

We didn't know what it was back then. Yeah. But did he go online ever? He did something with it and went like this. It was just kind of like the remote control for the ship, I thought. No, no, no, no, no. In his quarters. In his quarters, he had an iPad.

Oh, did he? Yeah, he would like. Way more of a geek than me. He could read on stuff his quarters, he had an iPad. Oh, did he? Yeah, he would like... He could read on stuff. Oh, he could read on it? Uh-huh. Really? So they had that before the actual iPad?

Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. I wonder if that's what they got the idea. I'm just remembering this now. I do not remember ever seeing anybody going online,

but I guess that would be implied if they were fucking on a tablet. Yeah, here's Picard's iPad. Yeah, but that's not the email. You see? Here it tablet. Yeah, here's Picard's iPad. Yeah, but that's not to email. You see? There it is. Oh, wow.

What year was this? This is fucking 90, maybe. No, no, no, not 90. Is that a book, or is that an actual tablet? Tablet. Is that the cool-ass one? Look at this stupid goggles on, man. You're records? We did try to download them. Look at this stupid goggles on, man. You're telling me you can fly to other planets.

You're making me wear this shit. It's definitely not past like 94, 95. Yeah, and he's got the smart cover on the back of it, you can tell. That doesn't even make sense. Why? How could he have been so wise as to see that coming? Well, because it's just obvious. It's just obvious.

But do you see it at all? Do you get to see it? No, you don't see it. They hide it very cleverly. Because, because it's just obvious. But do you see it at all? Do you get to see it? No, you don't see it. They hide it very cleverly. Because they haven't invented it yet. Yeah, it is. Does Apple owe them money? Because it seems like they invented that shit.

It seems like they're stealing a bunch of shit from people. Yeah. Have you guys noticed? I'm starting to notice this trend that Apple, since Steve Jobs left, is starting to fuck up a little. What do you mean? They definitely fucked up with maps.

The new things they're doing the the new maps thing steve jobs never would have never let that stay yeah he never would have let that go on his watch and everybody now it's like keeps messing up like the iphone 5 ain't that much better than the 4s i enjoy the screen size a little bigger screen size and you're giving a battery what do you expect us to have a fucking you give a laser beams oh yeah you're giving a battery life for that really no you're not on the five have a fucking laser beam? Oh, yeah. You're giving up battery life for that. Really? No, you're not.

The battery life on the 5 is way worse. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Read the forums. Hey, hey, hey. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. This is silly. We can't say that more than twice. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. You've got to stop there or people will fucking switch to the Jay Moore show.

Everyone's complaining about it. Battery life. But it doesn't really do anything better than the iphone 4 did the 4s i mean there's only so much you can do there's nothing there's no i know they don't release this brand new thing like it's the newest thing don't buy it okay what you're doing though is sticking up for apple no matter what because people like me enjoy it's not that much better i enjoy a bigger screen i enjoy the 4g light lte i enjoy the faster internet i enjoy all the better camera i enjoy it

yeah i use the phone more than i use anything and anything like more than anything i own i use my phone the most yeah i just don't think it's that much better than the 4s so you can have the talking capabilities now what else 4s mobile support you can have the talking capabilities and then what else? 4S? Apple support. You get faster internet. Faster internet. Like 10 times faster than your screen.

There's a lot of people. Well, I agree. The camera's still sucky. You still can't use it with a cover. No, you can't. You can't figure that out. No, you can't.

You gotta get a better cover. You have a shitty cover. This cover's the shit. I got a cover that slides out so it clips onto my pocket so I never lose it. It's got a wide hole. It's big enough.

It's all about the wide hole. You buy these cheap, chewy ones that you get for like $2. I bought expensive ones too. It's all about the wide hole, baby. I bought expensive ones too. They're all messed up. It's all about getting that wide hole. Yeah.

The overwhelming consensus says that the iPhone 5 battery life is way worse than the iPhone 4. It seems like there's a lot of complaints online. Yeah, but that's just other people on message boards. 5 battery life is way worse than the iPhone 4. It seems like there's a lot of complaints online. There's people that have actually tested it, and it's supposed to have the same battery life. Well, the issue, first of all, the issue

with Verizon is the LTE. When you're on the LTE, like, if you use any internet on the LTE, that shit will burn battery. That stuff burns it. Well, I go on LTE. I'm on AT& internet on the LTE, that shit will burn battery. Right. That stuff burns it. Well, I go on LTE.

I'm on AT&T. You son of a bitch. It's okay. It's not that much better. It's definitely worse battery life. I guess it's a better camera that doesn't inspire me as much. Yeah, there's something good to it. It's a good camera. When people ask me if they should get it, I'm like, yeah.

I mean, if you really need a phone, but don't upgrade, it ain't worth that much. Here's the actual Gizmodo battery life for the iPhone 5, iPhone 4S, and 4. It's pretty much... Get out of here, you. What?

8 hours talk for the 5. The 4S is 8 hours talk. The 4 is 7. The iPhone talk for the 5. The 4S is eight hours talk. The 4 is seven. And then for the iPhone 5 on the web is eight hours. The 4S is six hours. And the iPhone 4 is six hours. And then- Maybe it's because it keeps searching for the LTE.

On Wi-Fi, it's 10 and 9. I'm telling you right now, Ari, exactly what it is is your apartment sucks for any kind of service. Yeah, but even when I'm out, it goes down faster. But my apartment sucks for my old phone, yeah but even when i'm out it goes down faster but my apartment here's the here's another issue the apartment's the same with the four and the four s and hold on there's an apple update have you do you have you been updating your phone do you update your it always checks for updates but do you do it do you do whatever okay because uh there was an update so the update made a significant impact on the battery life. Also, Ari lives in a place.

But I live there with the 4. Yeah. I wouldn't notice a difference because I'm still in the same spot. You are connecting to a different network. You're connecting to LTE instead of connecting to the older 3G, meaning there's 3G everywhere. There's not as much LTE everywhere. If you take your phone off LTE and put it on 3G, then you'll have a similar battery life. But you're living in a place

where it's constantly searching for a signal. It's also all of LA, though. Even when I go out, though, it does it. I have to take what I said back. It was actually the iOS. It was killing the iPad. I guess it is. Okay, no, it is iPhone 5.

It's iPhone 5 and iPad mini. They were both having a problem with ios 6.02 and it was uh sucking the battery it was uh killing the battery life that i never changed right away i always let some shit sit out there for a while it's usually when people start complaining and then they fix it and then then you can get it i do find it amazing though i just see more fuck-ups the system i find it amazing they're constantly coming up with new shit i mean i think it I think it's incredible. And I think the iPhone 5, even though it's not perfect,

I think we're being a bunch of whiny cunts. It's still a fucking amazing phone. It's amazing. I mean, five years ago, I mean, this thing, I conduct so much business from this. I tweet. I call my management. I check my emails. And you wouldn't do those things with the 4S?

It's better. It's faster. the 4S? It's better. It's faster. It's faster. It gets like image. You know when I really see it? When people send me images or if they send me videos. Because people will send me little videos to approve. I can actually improve them.

And the 4S can't log into that anymore? We were doing some stuff with my stand-up special. They would send me some clips. And I could just put in my earphones, press that. I could download three, four megabytes on an email attachment like that with LTE and watch it. It's way faster than just regular 3G. It's just way faster, something that would take four times as long, and I'm not even exaggerating. And it's a great hotspot.

And it's a great hotspot. When I have my iPad Mini, I can just sit there, turn on my hotspot, and now I have 4G LTE, which is like DSL or faster, internet on my iPad. So it's great for hotspotting too. It's the network, man. It's a huge deal for that phone. But when it comes to getting online or when it comes to looking at movies or even looking at pictures, you can't fuck with those galaxies, those Android phones, those giant galaxies. Their screens are fucking huge. They have the Samsung Galaxy S3 and the Galaxy Note. And the Galaxy Note.

I tell you, Joe, this is the way to go, the 7-inch iPad. Because if you're going to look at anything, why don't you do it on this? And this fits in your pocket. Maybe I should bring painter's pants back. That fits in your pocket? Or I should bring painter's pants back. That fits in your pocket? Well, maybe painter's pants.

Yeah. I used to wear cargo pants when I did Fear Factor. I remember when you used to wear cargo pants. I remember those days when you wore those pants. Oh.

What the hell, man? So you can't, on the old iPhone 4s, you can't go on the LTE, huh? That would be amazing. The 4s's go to 4G, which is like a slower version. Only with AT&T. Yeah, with AT&T only.

Not with Verizon. 4G LTE is faster than that. Do they have the 3G phone version of the iPad mini yet where it gets on the line? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, so when my phone says LTE and when it says 4G, which one's faster lte lte is the shit that's but it doesn't get that in many spots is that the deal well not where you live in around hollywood it's or right here yeah why would it get it in hollywood where there's a billion people yeah why why have good service there doesn't make any sense you know it's like uh anthony bourdain is convinced that china's going

to overtake the earth because the the their work ethic and the way they get shit done and how quickly they get shit done. He's like, I've never seen anything like it. He goes, you could be out in the middle of a fucking massive forest. No people anywhere in sight. Five bars.

He's like, it's crazy. You, you get cell phone signals everywhere and they put up a city in like a week and China throw up a city. Oh, and they're just going to crazy over everything. Industrious worker ants.

What do they think it's like in World of Warcraft where you just build up your area and don't attack? And then when you do attack, you're like, what? The other people are so overwhelmed by it. Well, if they just came over here on boats, we'd be fucked. If China wanted to destroy the United States, all they'd have to do is get every Chinese person from China to just come over to America and just start walking.

What are you going to do? Just walk across the entire continent. What are you going to do? Are you going to arrest everybody? You don't have the resources. They would overwhelm us just by sheer numbers. How soon before the Chinese Americans would say, fuck it, let's just join up? They can't tell.

They would learn Chinese. They would. They would get some of those fucking. I wouldn't blame them. What are those Rosetta Stones? Have you ever tried to use that? Have you ever tried to learn a language um if um downloading the stuff and then never listen to it is trying yes many times it's very hard it's very hard actually do you still

speak hebrew i mean i can understand a little bit but i can't i can't you can't but you used to be fluent right yeah i can get by basically if you think if you went back to Israel, you would notice how I said that, Israel. I didn't say Israel. Azrael. Azrael. If you went back there, how long would it take, do you think, before you could be fluent again? I'd have to leave Jerusalem. Oh, really?

Why is that? Because too many English speakers? How many English speakers are in Jerusalem? Everybody? A lot. Really? Oh, yeah, and they're almost all. It's center of town and stuff.

Every business owner knows English. You can't get by without it. Really?'s just it's silly to try not to is the tourist trade um over there big what i mean he's a fucking tourist director for his no it is big so this is the intifada really hurt them for that for some money people it really took a plummet this most recent the intifada yeah what what does that mean in defada uprising the uprising yeah the palestinian 10 12 years now okay that and that that constant threat of violence yeah although i think it's probably recovered from there since the beginnings of it in the last few years been more peaceful if they could just keep a little fake violence going on and keep people out it's probably a

good move oh in terms of like yeah those people that would go there like the christian missionary types well that's who settles in the settlements when they're like, we keep building new settlements. Those are the Americans coming over. Really? The Americans that they're like, yeah, we want to help reclaim the land of Israel. So all of the fucking Zionists. Whoa. That go back.

So the Americans come over and they want to help reclaim Israel. So they're settling where? In the argued lands. And whose side are they on? Israel's. So they're coming over. They land in. So you want to live in Israel? And guess side are they on? Israel's. So they're coming over. They land in... So you want to live in Israel?

And guess what? This is part of Israel. And the only way we can show that is by building a house right here. Oh, my God. But you're next to someone else's house, and you have a watchtower and a guard. So are they American Jews? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's not like sympathizers.

Uh-uh. Yeah. It's like, what you guys put up with is really wrong. I'm going to go over there and support. There would be people that would do it. Sort of like that American Talon Man character. Yeah, the one guy, Walker. Yeah, John Walker Lynn, is that what his name was, who went over there?

I've been obsessed with that show, Homeland. Oh, really? Have you seen that show? No, I just downloaded the first season. It's fucking good. Really? And the second season's even fucking better. Man, nice.

I was not even remotely into seeing it until I did, but a lot of it revolves around him being a prisoner of war. Because you hear Claire Danes, and you're like, what? Forget it. That bitch can act her ass off. Oh, yeah, she's good, though. She can act her ass off. I loved her in my so-called life. I never saw that because I'm a man.

Well, I was a little boy who sided with her and Jared Leto knew how hard it was in high school oh did you really side with them oh yeah definitely hurt she was awkward she wasn't one of the popular kids just like me man yeah just like you she knows what I'm going through I hear you bro that fucking Leto guy what about him he was okay cuz he let he let Claire Danes be cool with him. Look at this iPad. Wow. This is from 1968. 2001, A Space Odyssey.

Whoa. They had iPads. If you ever watch that, A Space Odyssey, his version of the future is really interesting. Whoa. I didn't even watch that. They had iPads. I just saw it again recently when I did my taxes last year. God damn. 2001.

2001. And didn't they have a 2010, the year we make contact or something like that wasn't another one that was not kubrick i don't think it wasn't kubrick no i think they just said let's keep the how dare you keep it going who the fuck let them do that hollywood like they do everything fucking twat bags speaking of hollywood like they do everything steven spielberg pushed back uh our friend um the uh robo apocalypse guy pushed back dan friend, the Robo-Apocalypse guy. Pushed back? Daniel H. Wilson.

Yeah, he fucking, they were supposed to do that movie. They were supposed to do the Robo-Apocalypse movie, and apparently he pulled out of it. Spielberg did? Yeah. You know why? Because Spielberg won't allow an apocalypse in his movies. His version of the world is everything always turns out A-OK. Well, I don't know if it's that.

I mean, I think it's probably that he's tired. The guy just got done doing Lincoln. Oh, maybe. It was a huge movie that took forever to shoot. How's he going to do an apocalypse? Well, you know, it's a science fiction fucking movie, dude. Robopocalypse. How are they going to do that

and still keep that worldview of, like, we'll all be OK? Because in the end, the good guys probably win. Oh, maybe. Wouldn't that be nice? So you walk out of there feeling good about yourself? That's good. That's what I always hated about his movies. Well, his early movies.

It's really interesting that you say that because some of the choices that he made in his early movies, he said he would never make now. Really? Yeah, like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Remember when Richard Dreyfus leaves his family to go with the aliens he said he would never do that now he would say family's more important he's gonna stay with his family yeah yeah that's something a single guy would think yeah you know a single guy would think fuck these wife and kid i'm like look i love you baby but you know you're gonna have to take care of that kid i'm going off the aliens yeah yeah that wouldn't

you would be the shittiest fucking parent to ever live it's nice enough that you saw the aliens okay you saw them you know they exist thank you for showing yourself to me but i'm gonna go back to work i got i'm gonna what am i gonna do that with you why can't i fishing with my kid i'm not i'm not gonna fucking go fly with you to another planet that's not why would that be good you wouldn't even be able to talk to them it would be a fucking mess i mean think about the experiences that he had with them in the movie. It wasn't like they were a bundle of joy. He's so excited to go with them.

Why? Because they have better iPads? They're different. Yeah. What is it? They have faster 4G. And why is he excited to go with them? They have 18G.

We got to go. What is it? Why would they want? Why the fuck would you want to go and party with aliens? They're little. You knock into them. They fall down immediately. They probably have heads crack open because they have these giant heads.

They're probably not used to violence at all, so they're probably super soft. You could accidentally break them, I bet. Ari, not all of Spielberg's movies were happy endings. They were like Schindler's List. No, but it was a fucking Holocaust movie, and he still talked about overcoming and meeting all these survivors. He managed to do that no matter what. But no one left the Schindler's List like,

that was a great, happy movie. Did you think that Saving Private Ryan was cute at the end? It was kind of sweet at the end when the guy was... It was sweet.

He's got his family there with him. All supporting him. All supporting the fact that he's spent the majority of his life... But I'm saying that's what Spielberg does. He fucking goes over stuff

and just rewrites everything so that he can... I don't remember the Twilight Zone. Color Purple? Yeah. He directed the Twilight Zone? just rewrites everything. So that he can... I don't remember Twilight Zone. Color Purple? Yeah. Twilight. He directed Twilight Zone?

There's sad scenes, but in the end, he always makes everything okay. Even fucking the robot movie, where he still got to go see his mom one last time. What was the robot movie? Like iRobot or something? No, not iRobot. You know what he's also making, though? The one with the Jurassic Park. The kid replaced...

Why would you make another Jurassic Park? Because the other ones were awesome. Because the other ones don't look so good anymore. And now we have better CGI. Yeah, we have better now. You look at the old ones on a TV, it doesn't look so great. Well, that's not true. I just saw Jurassic Park the other day.

I thought it was fucking great. Really? Yeah. Didn't the dinosaurs look fake to you? I remember the first time I saw them, I was on the edge of my seat going, this is amazing. But I saw them on TV and I was like like I didn't think they looked fake at all you thought they looked fake? he's too busy making real steel 2

who is? executive producer what the fuck is that? how dare he? it looked good in the preview but I'm sure it's not real steel look good? I like robots that fight he didn't do I Am Legend

no who was that uh i don't know was that the guy that did memento no he did ai though ai that's what it was that was a good one yeah that was a good one i mean he's he's a brilliant director but it's kind of interesting these guys that uh they get older and they just get kind of softer like george lucas more conservative it's not just more conservative but they lose their vitality yeah there's there's no like real spark inside of their work anymore it's a very strange thing that happens with some folks it doesn't happen with everybody like with george carlin it never happened that guy was fucking grinding it out to the day he died. Some guys it doesn't happen.

Some guys they get better in time. Quentin Tarantino, he's not slowing down. That guy's fucking awesome. That Django movie was a real fucking movie. It was a real crazy ass, dudes eating by dogs. It was a crazy ass fucking movie. He's not slowing down at all, but something happens to some of them where they just become such posies.

Lucas. Yeah. He is the worst. He's the worst. You go back and watch Star Wars 1. Yeah. At the time, in the era when I saw it, that was a fucking masterpiece. Yeah, it's so cheese dickish now.

It's so cheese dickish. You watch it and you're like, what? How was I? Even if I was six, i don't think this should be indiana jones real bad or did that the latest one oh not the latest one what about the early ones have you seen the early ones of those great the early ones are great and when he was getting pussy and shit remember when that girl dirty and sweaty and kissing each other and now he's like an old man his fucking back hurts can't whip the whip that good remember his students were coming

on to him snakes it's hot students were like blinking and then on their on their eyelids were written i love you yes that shit was hot remember short round a little asian kid yeah he went from being like the hot stud professor guy to being someone's dad you know that that's what happened he like lost it all somewhere along the line he was like someone's who lucas yeah no like harrison ford's character it's like now he's like someone's dad it's like oh you rascally kids i'm just here to get that crystal skull like you back to the the early one we had to run away from fucking giant boulders that were set as traps and he's trying to get

these artifacts and the first one was great. They're making a new one. They're making a new one? I'm glad at least they got Star Wars away from Lucas. Yeah. Well, yeah, they gave it to Disney.

What are they going to do with it? Maybe they might do something good. Rapunzel's going to be in Star Wars. That's what they're going to have. Well, at least the creatures would be cuter.

Like the Ewoks would be adorable. Don't you have this idea that like, well, they can't fuck it up. This thing, they can't mess it up completely but then you realize like no just property to somebody they can do whatever they want to yeah they could have rapunzel in there yeah why not they could do whatever the fuck they wanted and be fine there's nothing we could do

about it i'm more worried about pixar lost in star wars with mickey and minnie flying to the galaxy they're just going to indiana jones right popping out of their fucking helmets can you imagine yoda gets together with mickey and teaches mickey how to fight and then it's like the the first one what was the uh the sword was the sorcerer and his uh apprentice sorcerer's apprentice was that his um the mickey mouse the first one oh yeah sorcerer's apprentice i think yeah that was that what it's called fantasia fantasia musical yeah it was a Sorcerer's Apprentice. Wasn't that the Mickey Mouse, the first one? Oh, yeah. Sorcerer's Apprentice. I think so. Was that what it's called? Fantasia.

Fantasia. The musical. Yeah. It was a fucking amazing little piece of work. But I mean, it's essentially about a magician's apprentice who fucks up and everything goes terribly wrong, right? Isn't that what it does? Really, it's just like, look at what we can do now.

Yeah. Look at this animation going with music. Look at what we can do. But how could that be any different if he was hanging out with yoda if he was hanging out with yoda it would be like very simple you know like he would yoda would tell him you know oh trust the force you must and then he would go off and fuck up and turn everything into a river it's the same movie yeah all the force that add yoga or add yoda you had yoga and they had a a henna barbarian. Oh, Mickey, what are you doing?

No, that's yogi, man. Dude, yoga is like some ancient Hindu wrestling stretches. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember. I've heard of that. You're holding poses. I'm going to get rolfed tomorrow.

What is that? I have a bulging disc in my back. I have a back issue. I've had a back injury that I've reoccurred so many times that the disc is starting to uh get inflamed and it like slightly protrudes really yeah it's not not too bad it's not like i don't need surgery or anything like that but one of the things they do to relax the tension in the area is this thing called rolfing which is supposed to be like a lot like getting raped by pliers. Sounds awesome. What do they do? Rip your fucking skin apart.

They tear your muscle away from your bone. Smash it and just rip it apart. It's nothing like ROFL. Ruffling? Ruffling. What's ruffling? Rolling on the floor laughing. It's the most you can do.

Well, have you guys heard of that? In four letters or less. Have you heard of zorbing? No, what's zorbing? What is that sport where they get in a giant ball and they roll with it? Some dude just died in that, right? Yes, it's two Russian guys. What is it?

They went off a fucking cliff. Wow. Dude, there's a video of it, by the way. Of them going off the cliff? Si, senor. Brian. What's it called? I think it's called zorbing.

Guy in a giant ball hold on guy dies zorbing zorbing this is what wayne coin does in the flaming lips concerts he walks into the crowd on the giant ball as long as he doesn't do that yeah man dials while zorbing scary it's so scary put it up don't just share it yourself internet's going crazy yeah the internet here sucks a fat one but only mobile mode only for another month. Speaking of internet, my special Passive Aggressive will be available for presale tomorrow. Powerful Arisha. Man, that was fast.

Chill.com. It'll be available tomorrow. For presale. For presale. And when does it sail? I think February 5th. Oh, okay. So they have to just hold their dicks for two weeks.

That makes it exciting. Oh, that's 20% off or just hold their dicks for two weeks. That makes it exciting. Oh, that's 20% off or something like that. Look at this. Or something like that. Ari Shaffir, worst marketer ever, 20% off. That must be something. Look at this. What was supposed to be a thrilling ride down a ski slope

in a giant inflatable ball ended in tragedy for the two Russian men inside. One of them died, the other was badly injured when the Zorb, as the Transparent Globe is called, veered off course and went over a cliff in the Caucasus Mountains. This video shows their terrifying ride. At one point, the man recording the footage

can be heard telling people the ball won't roll away and that everything's going to be okay. But eventually the ball did roll to a rocky ledge and bounced over it, going down the side of the mountain. That's really fast. The sport of zorbing started in the 1990s in New Zealand and is now done around the world. This accident has prompted the head of Russia's emergency rescue services to demand that safety rules for winter sports be enforced. That's a big move.

Enforce winter safety rules. In Russia, we have rules for fun. In Russia, you can't just get in ball and go off cliff. It makes us look bad. Russians don't really smile.

They do. Fedor smiles. They smile when they have a dick in them. Okay. You're going to have to deal with that one. Russian used bungee cord. How do you spell bungee? B-U-N-G... G or J?

G. G-E-E? Cord off roof. Here's the long version. Oh, you don't need to see it, man. It's a sadness. Oh, and the other one's trapped it, man. It's just sadness. Oh, and the other one's trapped with the other one dead. Yeah. Like, he fell. As you're bouncing like that, you're clashing heads together.

And that guy yells, don't save those people? He's like, they're going to be fine. Don't worry. Up the rock! Up the rock! F**k. Look at this idiot. Uh-oh. And that's when they realized it's a... F**k! What's down there?

Catastrophe? It's going down that cliff. That's it, son. F**k! Oh my God. Look at it hit those rocks. Boom! Boom!

Boom! Oh my God. You're dead're dead shit one of them's dead the other had to be alive with a dead friend next to him still rolling down a hill and still probably having a little bit of fun unconscious too while it's happening brian look up because the last part was like oh yeah yeah we brian look look up Russian kids with a death wish bungee. No. Russian kids with a death wish bungee. B-U-N-G-E-E. B-U-N-G. Are you peeing again?

No, I'm not going to go to the toilet. Get your dick checked, son. Your shit's broken. You can't hold your mud. Get me one of those coconut waters. C2O coconut waters, Joe? C2O? Why, they're our favorite, favorite brian in fact they're so

good they make other coconut water taste like toilet water i agree with that i can't even buy that other shit that you get in a fucking carton that nonsense whatever it is i do not like it with the pulp though but that's my own personal opinion i don't mind the pulp the pulp makes me feel like it's real yeah i'm alive do you know what i drank as a juice um that i just found out feel like it's real. Yeah, I'm alive. Do you know what I drank as a juice that I just found out was not so? As a juice or as a juice? As a juice, as a drink. I drank the, you know, go behind the bar and you have the tap for orange juice? I've been drinking that by the glass bowl thinking it was real juice.

Oh. Turns out it's just some chemicals and water. Yeah. It's like Sunny D, dude. Orange soda, dude. It's like orange juice in a tap. You're like the kid that went to McDonald's. For like a decade.

You're the kid that went to McDonald's and thought orange drink was orange juice. No Coke for me, guys. I'm going healthy. Just give me some of that other stuff. Don't you know anything about fermentation? I didn't know. I didn't know. I'm just finding this out.

This is the kids. These are the Russian kids. They made their own bungee jump. Bungee cord off this roof. Tied it to this bitch, throw it on a snowy roof. Watch this. Put the headphones on dude, you gotta hear this. Is anyone dying in this? I'm not telling you.

But look at how crazy these kids are. They're holding on to this rope, they tied it to a chimney. And they slide her off the roof. Look at this. Holy fuck. Doesn't she smash into the building? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. They haven't controlled this.

They haven't thought this through. Jump. Jump right now. How do they get her back up? Wow. They barely do. They kind of let her down. She screams.

She's hanging. They're hanging onto her. So they slowly let her down. They're holding it? Yes. Dude, Russians are crazy. Wait down. They're holding it? Yes. Dude, Russians are crazy. Wait. Related video.

Related video. Andrew Dice Clay. Andrew Dice Clay. With wife. What is up with this over here? Backflip fail. I watched Dice's Showtime special. It was very funny.

It was very funny. What's going on here, Brian? Backflip fail, but she's in it. Oh, no. Backflip fail. Let's see what goes on here. Off a bridge? Yeah, right when she's about to do it, a dude behind her pulls his cock out. She starts her period.

Your sister's hotter than you. Yeah. Oh, fail. Just fail. Wow, look how beautiful that is, man. That looks like Canada in the sun. God damn, that looks fantastic. Oh, no, this girl's not going to do what I think she's going to do.

Is this, like, off a cliff or some shit? It's off a bridge. Oh, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't fucking do this. Oh, my God. Three, two, one. Oh, don't do this. That's not bad at all, you fucking assholes. Whoever put that video up.

It got so tense there. Yeah, but she was pregnant. She miscarried. That is the thing. assholes whoever put that video up oh it got so tense there yeah but she was pregnant she is she missed that is that thing you know i that's that that's basically the bit that i do on stage when i talk about mr hands like when someone sent me that first video this is exactly the feeling you get like when when brian remember when i came over your place and you showed me two girls one cup the first time it hits you in the bone you can't but you're're like, what's next? What the fuck is going to happen here? And how many times have you seen someone do something like that and then just die?

I mean, a bunch. Yeah. I've seen a bunch of people just get disintegrated in car accidents and flip over and land on their fucking head in a puddle of blood. I saw videos of people run over by trucks. I've seen everything. by trucks. I've seen everything. I've seen way more than the average person by the age of whatever, 100, would have seen if they lived 20 years ago.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Way more. Well, online. Yeah. With that. Yeah. Then you've seen countless.

Way more. No one can get those experiences. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen people being beheaded. Oh, a lot of them. I like. Not I don't like, but this is what I remember. They don't just chop their heads off. They cut them slowly off. So they're screaming. They're making a lot of them. I like, not I don't like, but this is what I remember. They don't just chop their heads off.

They cut them slowly off. So they're screaming as their head is getting cut off. Well, that was the most fucked up thing about when they first caught that American. Perlman or something? Yeah, Daniel Perlman. Maybe, yeah. When they first did that to him and they showed them actually doing it. No way.

Oh, my God. Look at No way. Oh, my God. Look at this kid. Oh, my Lord. Look at what he's doing, though. He's doing push-ups. He's doing chin-ups in space. And he's doing it. It's a thick bar he's hanging on to, too.

Oh, my God. This kid is scary as fuck. And he's doing toss himself up. Brian, this kid better not fall. Please don't tell me he falls. No, he doesn't fall. Where is his mother? Yeah, this kid is crazy.

How's he up there? He's up there doing his actions as well. This looks like fucking... What's the video game where you gotta stab people? Dude, that guy was swinging up and catching himself and landing on the bar again. And just having confidence that he can support himself with his monkey hands. And then Andra Dice Clay comes up again. It's because of algorithms.

It's not related. It knows what you're into. It knows what you're into. In his special, he yelled at a woman for laughing in the wrong place. She was laughing. What the fuck are you doing? You're ruining my timing. You're laughing in the wrong spot.

It was so ridiculous. It's like his character to me, especially because I know him. His character to me. Because if you didn't know him, you'd think maybe he's really a mean guy. But he's not a mean guy at all. He's a nice guy. He's just crazy. He's just crazy.

But he's not like. He likes to fuck with people. He likes to fuck with people. Yeah, he's just a guy he's just he's crazy he's just crazy but he's not like he likes to fuck with people he likes to fuck with people yeah he's just a practical joker but his comedy because I know him is like I don't know it's like twice as funny

you know he's been ridiculous yeah on purpose like we went to see him in Vegas and he was so pickled that me and Norton and Bobby Kelly came backstage and did you come backstage too?

everybody came backstage and Anthony Cumia and Red Band I did a few weeks later we were so happy to see him and he was so happy like that people came to see him you know yeah and he was like i don't do no no research i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about up there just make it up he was in the back of the where the kitchen is the comedy store talking and he got off stage and he goes i said that i would slap your walnut bag with my – I forget what it was.

It's so stupid. But they keep paying me, so I'll keep doing it. Yeah, he's – that style of comedy. It's just like – to me, it's no different than like how many people like ACDC. I love ACDC. They got some great songs. Some people don't like it. Yeah, but not only that, but think about what they're saying.

I'm on the highway to hell. Oh, are you really? Really, you silly bitch? I'm on the highway to hell. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous shit. But you kind of go along with it because it's ACDC and they're singing and it's rocking and it's a badass song. When Dice is like, here's to you, sucking my dick.

Oh! If anybody else did that, you would be like – It would seem way lamer. Yeah, you'd be like, oh my god, you're so lame. You're like, what? How old are you? Come on. If some guy went up on one of the –

But it's Dice doing it. One of the shows that we have at the Ice House. Some guy that Brian's cousin knows. Like, we're going to get this guy up. He's going to do 10 minutes of here. He's really funny. He goes on stage. He's like, here's to you.

Suck in my dick. If that didn't exist, if Dice had never done that, we would be like, who is this lame fuck? Here's to you sucking my dick. Get that guy out of here. Yeah. But when Dice does it, it's fucking hilarious. Hilarious. I have that with a lot of my friends where they do something that I find funny and other people find just so rude or mad.

It's funny when you see a guy like a Holtzman character that you immediately start laughing at when you see. And then they'll go on stage and you'll see people not get it or not understand that it's an act and get like super offended. Like we were in the front of the comedy store and this, this lady came out and she just goes, I just want you to know that you were really, really funny and we really enjoyed ourselves. But someone needs to take the microphone away from that man. Okay. Because he's not well.

And I don't think indulging him, you know, pretending what he's saying is funny. And you want to be like, I don't even have to look at it is shut your fucking mouth. Shut your mouth. Stupid face. What did the crowd half clear out? Now it's harder. And he attacked you for being stupid. and you want to be like I don't even have to look at his shut your fucking mouth shut your mouth stupid face what did the crowd

half clear out now it's harder and he attacked you for being stupid it wasn't even that he was doing something about Mexicans and lawn blowers

I put a booger in somebody's drink this week she left I tried to cut her off put a booger in her drink yeah this girl's ordering

more Jamesons right off the bat she's already too drunk and then she starts ordering Jamesons did the audience see you put a booger oh yeah yeah absolutely she went to the bathroom get that place closed down through the health violation you can't make people eat your boogers her friend

saw you're a grown man you're in your 30s you having people eat your boogers drink drink my booger her friend saw it yeah well i was being she's being too abhorrent i was like i'm giving you the chance to do it before me do you think she just swallowed it or do you think she felt it and was aware no i think she swallowed swallowed it or do you think she felt it and was aware? No, I think she swallowed it. Probably didn't know. Probably didn't know. If you're really fucked up, you just go down.

People can understand. Once you're drunk, you don't need to keep drinking. You might be in a good place already. You do if you have demons, Ari. Yeah, I guess so. That's the thing. Maintain. You're assuming that people drink to have a good time a lot of people

don't drink to have a good time they drink to get fucked up because they want to escape reality yeah but that's also a good time i mean i guess it's escape reality but it's also like whatever i drank to get drunk wasn't escaping anything yeah but you're being too logical since when are you like the average person when you see my friends they're all just like we're allowed to drink like in college and stuff you're just like you're allowed to drink in college and stuff. You're just like, you're allowed to drink. So you do it because it's new. Not every college kid is running away from their demons. Most of them aren't.

They're just getting fucked up. Yeah, most of them. They're learning how to get fucked up. But a lot of people are running from their demons. Yeah, I guess so. They're just trying to get blasted. It's amazing, really, that our society. I mean, Stan home drinking alone in a bar feels more like that to me.

Does he drink alone in a bar? I don't know. I'm picturing that. You know, like a grizzled Bukowski-type character as opposed to just like, let's get drunk. That's Bert Kresher. You just did Bert Kresher. Maybe. No, well, Bert doesn't –

I think if you get drunk during the day, you have a problem. Unless you're in a good place like Cancun. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's beach, drinking margaritas. But if you wake up and like let's go have lunch and i'm gonna have a beer at lunch you know you're like why are you drinking right there's no reason yeah well no maybe a beer like with a sandwich or something like that but what if you want to get like a shot well that's when you start yeah my dad said he came

back from work one day and he had like some some booze at lunch on the lunch meeting and his boss kind of smelled it on his breath and there's like he said he like saw the work one day and he had some booze at lunch in a lunch meeting and his boss kind of smelled it on his breath. And he said he saw the look and then he was like, that's it. No more drinking daytime. Yeah. People make too many assumptions about you. Yeah, you don't want that. You don't want them to put you in that sort of category.

Yeah. It's a funny thing when you really think about how responsible people actually are with alcohol. If you think about how available it is if you're over 21 do they ever stop you from drinking no you could always drink no unless you've done some shit but if you do some shit like lindsey lohan how to wear like an ankle bracelet that tells you when you're drunk how long can they keep that on you i mean they can't make that permanent right can they think so can they make a rule we're like look we'll let you roam around the street fuckhead but you got to wear an ankle bracelet that tells us if you're drinking.

Soon enough, they'll do that in TSA. You want to fly? Wear an ankle bracelet for the next month. They'll do that soon. That's not a bad idea for people who are fucking crazy. If you want to control someone who just can't handle their alcohol and you realize you get to a certain point in time, like, listen, dude, you've been arrested for drunk driving twice.

You've been in five different assaults. You been all so we're gonna do stupid we're gonna keep you from drinking you have to stop drinking so this is the way you could be a free man you wander around you have a great time 14 strikes in your out rule yeah we find out you're drinking you're obviously not in control of your faculties when you're drinking you get a bracelet forever you stupid yeah put a brace on them for like yeah but then who's to decide whether or not you should wear that bracelet? Freedom ain't free. And that's when fucking Alex Jones gets on the –

14 strikes. The world order is trying to put a bracelet on you to tell you when you can have some Jack Daniels. Yeah, you're right. How do you feel about this gun control thing? I feel like it's a very complex issue. And it's – first of all, the idea that anybody should be able to have fucking military grade weapons i think is ridiculous but but it comes from go ahead and also i think the real issue is not the i mean this is a fucking cliche but it's not the gun

the real issue is what would happen to a person to make them grow up to be someone who could be a school shooter what is oh yeah that's a mental health issue which should be explored 100 percent way more and by the way can i just say this obama for the obama care parts of obama care that were already put into place which is you have to cover mental health if you're going to cover for everybody have to cover for all your means that i don't get mental health coverage because it's not cost effective because they can't afford doing that so So they can't give it to anybody. I find it amazing how so many people are so adamant against people or taxpayers paying for health care but don't express nearly the same amount of concern about your money being used for war. It's really kind of shocking because the war money it's like where is it even

going it's going to another part of the world where you're most likely never going to visit unless you're in the military and it's all going to tanks and it's craziness you see it on TV and people are just shelling out their money and taxes and no one cares but the moment someone says hey maybe we should make it

so that people can get some help hey pull yourself up by your own book straps, you fucking weak pussy. There's something about we don't need health care. What we need is to get back to what made America great, and it's corporations having all the control. Corporations are going to become corrupt. They're run by people, and people are corruptible. They will always fuck up. You give somebody power, there's a chance they always fuck up you give somebody power there's a

chance they will fuck up it's not even just a fucking up there's a weird diffusion of responsibility thing that happens when you are many steps removed from the actual deed and you're involved with many other people they say it's easier to rape a woman in a crowd than it is a woman in front of one i can see that it becomes like oh I'm not responsible for this. So I have to tell you, the study, it wasn't Pfizer, but it was some drug company about polio vaccines. They were giving these polio vaccines to these African kids, but they were lying to them. It wasn't a polio vaccine.

It was just some other drug they were testing. And they gave the polio vaccine to 90% of them, and 10% of them, they gave the whatever it's called, the sugar pill. That's a control group. So the 90% of them that took the new drug they were testing all died. And the 10% of them got polio. Jesus. Because they weren't even getting the vaccines they

thought they were being tested. Ouch. Yeah, and that's just what some corporation does to make more money. That's just a normal sort of situation it's over there don't worry about it exxon has that with a rape of land wherever they go and just buy out their government and say new rules well i was trying to get john perkins on and i'll try again um now that we have matt staggs on the case are you hearing us matt go get the economic hitman guy because he's a he's a fascinating guy

he used to do that for the government he would go and they were there's alex jones you will not take our guns it was a daily show it was john stewart reacting to alex jones taking away all the guns but now i get it now I see what's happening. So this is what it is. Their paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present.

We can't even begin to Too many uses of the words dystopic. Stop it. I understand you live in New York and you're Jewish. Look how sick he is. I guess he had this huge cold during this thing. You could tell by his face. Don't stir it. Did he come in anyway just because it was such a crazy story?

You want to talk about it? It's funny. Alex Jones is off the rails, man. Did you watch that? I get it, though, with the military-grade weapons. The point was never to be able to hunt with. The point was to be able to drive off the government. Yeah.

And you're not going to do it with a fucking six pistol. Well, the idea is to protect yourself against threats to this nation both domestic and abroad that's the idea is that you know they had to worry about being overtaken from within that's why you have the right to bear arms and you know everybody says well that was back when people had muskets and this and that the government's way more corrupt now than it was then but by the way the government had muskets as well back then. The government is way more corrupt now than it was then. But by the way, the government had muskets as well back then. And now the government doesn't have muskets. And they didn't have the ability to arrest you for no reason. I'm not saying that you should go and fucking overtake the government with force because I definitely don't believe that.

What do you think is the way to get rid of people? I think that the issue is not people being armed. The issue is crazy people. The issue is disenfranchised people. The issue is people that being armed. The issue is crazy people. The issue is disenfranchised people. The issue is people that have legitimate mental problems. The issue is diagnosing them. The issue is trying to figure out how the fuck a person becomes that sociopathic fucking psychopathic killer. How does that – that's our real problem.

Because when you look at the actual numbers of human beings and you look at the actual numbers of human beings with guns and then you look at the actual numbers of crimes, like people like to say, oh, England has no guns, so they have no gun crimes. That is absolutely true. They have like 30 or something shootings every year. It's like nothing compared to the United States. But if you look at the overall number of armed people in Britain

to the overall number of armed people in america it's really kind of shocking that we have as few murders by guns that we do and most of the murders by guns like a good 70 percent of the assault rifle type killings are gang related oh really yeah a high percentage of them have to do with gang violence we're gonna try to get those so that's it that's a wide i mean largely an economic issue, largely a poverty issue, and then a drug dealing issue, a couple different aspects of our society that are obviously sick. You know, the illegal access to drugs, meaning that anybody who sells drugs is criminal, that's one, that's one aspect that leads to organized crime.

You know, and then the other aspect, of course, is poverty, people growing up disenfranchised, needing someone to belong to. They become a part of gangs and gangs are fucking huge. And they're killing each other. I mean it's a super common thing that they use those types of weapons in gang warfare. I wonder if they drive by and stuff. Yeah. But look, I don't think everybody should have access to those guns. That's where I part from the average person.

I think if you have a reason to have those guns, that's one thing. But if you're looking for something to protect yourself, do you really need machine guns? I mean can you get by with a shotgun? Can you get by with a rifle? I mean the idea is that if somebody wanted to go and kill a bunch of people would be far harder if you had something like a single loading rifle or a single loading shotgun but then the argument of course from the nra people would be well if you really want to apply the the language in the declaration of independence the second amendment being that

you have the right to bear arms the idea means that you have the right to bear arms. The idea means that you have the right to protect yourself against whoever it may be who easily could be overpowering you. They can have more firepower than you. So if you have what they have, you have a.50 caliber fucking machine gun, you have what they have, you're on an equal playing field, and they can't come and take your land.

The problem is they won't let you. Like what happened at Waco when they started to take a bunch of weapons? Well, they're also fucking their kids. But who knows if that's true because that's the first thing I would say. They just went there and blew them all up. Yeah. If you want to go and get somebody, you say this guy's a child molester. If you become a threat to the powerful person, the government, they're just going to wipe you out.

And that's why people in Libya need actual machine guns to make change because they can't do it through voting. Yeah. And we're starting to not be able to do it through voting either. You're right. You're right. Yeah. And we're starting to not be able to do it through voting either. You're right.

You're right. And I – honestly, the more I look at it, the situation we have here with our government not representing us, I only really see one way around it. Uh-oh. Ari's talking crazy talk. This is the end of this podcast. And if you want to continue this conversation, it will be on the Skeptic Tank, available on iTunes. And the part of me will be prayed by Jason Tebe. Yeah. Well –

I don't know how the government, as big a business as they are, would cede any control if they don't have to and they no longer have to. Well, the problem is it's eating itself. See, the access to information that the government has now and the ability to wiretap phones, the ability to spy on people's lives is now eating itself because the fucking FBI investigated the CIA and now the director of the CIA is no longer there because they went digging into his privacy. Right. That's what happened. I mean they're spying on each other. It's fucking spy versus spy. Our tax dollars being spent to expose a guy getting some pussy.

Do you think if you could go back and remove every great leader, every man of power, every military commander, especially military. I mean you're talking about a guy named David Petraeus that had been in war for a long time. He had seen a lot of death. Yeah. And you're going to deny him some extra pussy. Do you think that his – A little consensual. Yeah.

And a hot chick who's young. That's what he got the whole thing was in trouble for? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what he got in trouble for. a hot chick who's young. That's what he got the whole thing was in trouble for? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what he got in trouble for.

But it also had to do somehow or another relating it to Benghazi, the attack on Libya where they were woefully unprotected. Their information failed them and they attacked those people and they killed the American ambassador. So there's that as well that they believe is somehow or another connected to it.

And then they made up that story that it was all about some movie. Yes, yes. That was really amazing. They just made up a story. They made up a story, these fucks. They made up a story about this all being inspired by a crazy bad – It was like a web movie.

A web movie that most likely was sponsored and made by the spooks. They made it themselves they hired some actors and they put together a shitty fucking propaganda movie and they made it themselves not only that the people that were in the movie said that they said certain things but then when they watched the movie other words were dubbed into their mouths oh really yeah so the idea was that this movie was just created as a scapegoat. And then everyone reacted to that movie. It's like, well, we can't bow down to these Muslims. Or you've got to be at least aware of their feelings. And they're just throwing us off the real trail.

Have you ever seen that movie? I saw pieces of it. It's fucking unbelievably bad. Oh, yeah. It's like Peter Chen. Yeah, exactly. It's like someone who's just a complete madness. Yeah, just an idiot who doesn't know what he's doing.

It's like America, World Police if it was people. Yeah, if you just got a video camera. Isn't it, Brian? Have you seen it? Pull up a clip of it. If it was what? If it was real people? Yeah.

It's like America, World Police when it's like, I'm an actor. I have to go and save the world. Like ridiculous, crazy, cheesy dialogue but not funny, not on purpose. What they're trying to do is really make like a really really dumb propaganda movie to justify the reason why these terrorists would have sent two warships over there almost instantly like wait what's happening tell you what man it's a guy who's a mob deep deep in the world of intelligence since i've been addicted to homeland i understand some things probably be a little bit alien to you don't know how the system works i've become a fan of the cia from doing homeland really watching that show yeah fuck yeah that show literally changes my opinion on what it must be like for

the cia to try to thwart terrorism oh yeah and it makes me understand why they would want to take rights away i still don't agree with their ability to do so but i understand the kind of shit that they probably the only do you have to do the only problem with taking the rights away, it's not if it's from the reasons being good. It's that, let's say your reasons are pure. Like, I just want to go after terrorists when they're full terrorists. Well, what happens to the next guy who's in office who might not share your sentiment about fair? That's an old statement.

The man you're saying yes to today is not the same man you're going to have to say yes to 20 years from now. Yeah. And if you give someone access to your privacy today and he's a good guy that doesn't mean that you know we can't have a new nixon yeah or he's not going to turn into a bad guy yeah it's like i'm going to start abusing my power that doesn't always start from scratch yeah and didn't that happen with the president of egypt this guy gets in gets elected the muslim brother and it's like you know i decided i'm a dictator now i'm immune to prosecution and they

were like and he goes, no, I have to in order to be able to run a good government. And people are like, no, no, no, no. This is what we just got away from. Yeah.

Not doing that shit. Hilarious. The guy tried gangster right off the bat. I mean, he didn't even give him a year. He gave on it. Yeah.

He gave in. He's like, okay, fine. Yeah, you had to give in. You don't have the ultimate power. Well, he's, you know, he's fucked now.

You know, they're going to be looking sideways at him forever. Yeah. I mean, he was the savior. He was the new Democratic representative the new democratic he is fucked you can't just do that of course they should kill him power to the people thinking about no no killing anymore no killing anymore just stop yeah they just keep going for a little while longer that's the problem

they get rid of the one guy and they're like let's get more people that's what they did in like the french right you know all those things too well you gotta think all those dudes in Libya that killed Gaddafi. All those dudes that fucking stuck sticks up his ass and all that shit. Yeah. Those guys are just running around out there. They want to kill more people. Yeah. Maybe somebody killed them. Probably excited. All fired up. Killed Gaddafi.

I wonder if they do like public speaking engagements like they do the clubs out there. There's a time I took the stick and his ass was close. We were partying at rain. Someone still has got a table. The time was now. I shoved the stick up his ass and everybody's, yeah.

Yeah, they throw their shoes up. Yes, yes. Tell us, did he scream? He was used to cock, so it was nothing. He liked it. He loved it. He wanted more. He wished he had it every day of his life.

With a bowl of milk in the morning, a stick in his ass. Yeah! He didn't even react. They shoved a stick up his ass. He was in total shock. That's the crazy thing. He didn't react that much. Or barely at all.

Barely. He was in full shock. Wow. They dragged that guy out. He couldn't believe he was out there with the regular people the look on his face qaddafi's that is one of the best like as far as like a peek into what happens when a dictator gets overcome by the rebels and you actually get to watch it we've never seen that before we saw it we were there yeah we were there we net that doesn't exist

and anywhere in history and it was on a fucking cell phone camera and then hello he's fucking freaking out and covered in blood and looking for someone to come in to rescue him that someone never comes they're sticking sticks up his ass they just fucking start shooting them wow yeah they they dragged that guy around on the roof of a car it was amazing i mean it was like literally everything that you would see like in a movie about a dictator getting overthrown. But you never saw that before. And to see the look of terror on his face and to know that, man, that is a story that has been playing itself out exactly the same way over and over throughout time. That's how you change dictators. Yeah. That's the way. That's how you change dictators. Yeah.

That's the way. That's the normal route of that. What is that phrase that the tree of liberty must be occasionally watered with the death of enemies and patriots? Enemies and patriots? Yeah. Patriots fighting against. I think that's the quote. But yeah, the idea that you just, in order to stay – you want liberty.

Every now and then you got to fuck some people up because the normal pattern that people follow for whatever reason is once they get into a position of being able to tell people what to do, they separate them from those other people. I've seen that at the comedy store. I had it when I worked as a security guard. I worked for a few months as a security guard at a concert place. Every night we were shutting up drunks. And it became us versus them. And I wasn't a cop. We couldn't arrest anybody.

But I got to see. And I would have to tell people, you can't bring your booze in. You can't bring bottles in. And they would yell at me, fuck you. It became us versus them. And we all banded together, all the security guards. And our attitude was, look at these cunts coming in. These fucking assholes.

Like right away. Even though you're hired to make sure everyone's having a good time. Well, you're hired to keep everybody from bringing in booze mostly. But our main job was we would be there at the beginning like James Taylor would play. And all these people, we're just going to bring a nice bottle of wine. Go see James Taylor. You can't bring bottles of wine to a place that sells wine. Yeah.

Okay? So when you get there, we'd take your take your wine so we have to take people's bags we open them up do you have anything in here that we should know about no did you bring any alcohol in a bottle no what's this you pull out a bottle of wine plunk and you didn't kick them out well you'd put the wine in like a bucket so at the end of the night we'd have giant garbage buckets full of nice with booze nice and everybody's like yeah good fuck them we take their booze. Nice. And everybody's like, yeah, good. Fuck them. We take their booze.

That was the attitude of all the people that worked there as security. And so if you work there, you develop that sort of attitude too. Everybody's like, yeah, fuck everybody. Antagonistic relationship. That's just a fucking security guard at Great Woods. But granted, I was 18, 19, and I recognized it as it was happening. And then I was like, this is fucking ridiculous. That's the same thing as TSA.

They're going to do the same shit. Exactly. They're going to do the same shit. And I finally realize this now. When somebody's like, people, the excuse that always made me troubled with TSA, why they're fucking infringing on our rights and looking through all my shit and making me take my shoes off and all this stuff, is they're just doing their jobs.

It's not their fault individually. When I tell them to go fuck themselves, they're just doing their jobs. It's not their fault individually. When I tell them to go fuck themselves, they're just doing their jobs. Well, why is that an excuse? Right. You know what you're doing. You're taking a job fucking with people because it's a job.

You're allowed to do whatever you want. Well, see, I don't think TSA... Because there's a paycheck attached to it. I don't think TSA fucks with people for the most part. I have not had a single problem with TSA. I have not seen a single problem with tsa i have not seen a single problem with tsa ever except ever like when they go through those x-ray things they didn't test well those x-ray things which ones the ones that spin the ones that you see your penis yeah

yeah the ones they didn't test but they were just like i will take the word for it of the guy who owns it what i've read according to what i've read the radiation that you get inside a plane is way worse than that. And it's not something to worry about. I would love if they just actually put out the test they did instead of hide it. It's a good idea. Yeah. Or allow independent testing.

It's a good idea. But I think that what they're worried about, right or wrong, I disagree with it because I think there should be full disclosure always when it comes to things that regard health and radiation and shit like that. But they don't want to release the fact that things that regard health and radiation and shit like that. But they don't want to release the fact that you get a lot of radiation on a fucking plane. You get so much radiation on a plane that sometimes they have to fly different paths because there's solar flares and you're flying in weird spots. Yeah, you can fly in areas where there's too much solar activity and it's fucking gamma radiation. Closer to the sun? Well, you're fucking 30 000 feet in space you know you're really high up there man and you're in this little metal tube and you're getting blasted by gamma rays you're really close to uh you know

you're close to space you're closer to space by what is it i mean what is 30 000 feet was that three how many miles is that how many was 5,000 miles? Six miles, yeah. 5,000 miles is a... Or 5,000 feet is a mile, right? So, yeah, you're high up there, man. So, apparently, that is not good for you. And they don't want people to really dwell on that because there's radiation in all things.

There's radiation in trees. So what do you mean they don't want people to dwell on it? Because if you start telling people, well, listen, man, next time you're on a plane, why don't you do it for a skeptic thing? Bring a Geiger counter. A Geiger counter? Yeah, go online on Amazon.com and get something that

is a radiation reader and see if it works that way. I mean, I don't know if that's how it works. I think that's how you would do it, though. So anyway, you would get that and get a reading and then compare that somehow or another. You would have to fucking get a reading off of one of those x-ray machines at the airport. They wouldn't let you do that. But if you did, I bet the plane would probably be at least as radioactive if not way more.

What I've read is that it's more. But again, how much information is really available out there about those x-ray machines? It should be full. They make you put ingredients on everything. You shouldn't have to get fucking x-rayed everywhere. It's just the idea is that people want to blow things up all the time and it's always planes. It's like when is it going to happen where enough cunts blow up a mall where every time you go to the mall, you have to put your fucking change in a bucket and go through.

And then someone's going to be stealing watches and shit there just like they do at TSA. Every now and then you get a rogue employee. I hate it when they catch some guy. A news company will catch some guy stealing who works for the airline. And the airline's only reaction is they no longer work here. They've been terminated. It's like, no, you should fucking put them up for trial. They're stealing while they're representing the government. It be a way worse they don't try them they just fucking say they're out that's it they're

out just like the priest that's the worst thing that'll happen to them is they're out i guess they figure that the prisons today are so fucking overcrowded and the justice system is so understaffed if i if i knew my only fucking repercussions were that i don't have this job where i get to steal anymore. Just steal like crazy. Steal. Yeah, until you get caught. And then I don't get to steal anymore.

Either way, I don't steal, so why not steal while I can? It's really funny when they get super ghetto at the TSA station. Like someone will say something, and someone's like, oh, no, no, no, no. I wasn't involved with that. I wasn't involved with that. Like, oh, I know you were with that girl. I know you were with that girl i know you were that girl and they're like they'll forget that like this is like they're they're security officers for the government they're just tsa they're just sort of dumb people they're just folks who that's the

job that they could get so raise your hands this is what i always say i can't raise my hands why um i'm not under arrest i'm not doing things that make me seem like i'm under arrest so when you go through that thing you won't raise your hands whoa yeah and they say why not you don't trust me i'm like i don't trust the company you work for and the fact that you work for them no i don't trust you who are you some lady so when you go through security do you cause a stink do you say usually i try to i'm an uppity jew i don't say it like that but when they had to pat me down like we got to patch it down do you say you prefer that i'm like no i don't prefer it like that. But when they had to pat me down, like, we got to pat you down. Do you prefer that? I'm like, no, I don't prefer that. But if you give me no fucking options, do whatever the fuck you want.

That's how you talk? Oh, yeah. Fuck them. Fuck them. If you tell me, you tell Brian to go over and punch somebody, and then he does it and say, that's really mean, Brian. You shouldn't have done that. But if like, no, no, no.

He gave me, Rogan gave me 20 bucks. So it was just my job. So I was working. Okay. That's a bit extreme. Why? They're just infringing on our rights. They're making us all feel really bad.

But they're just doing their job. They're not punching you. They're just doing their job is not an excuse. Right. It wouldn't be if they were being violent to you. But I think the analogy is not fair. It's like they're not hitting you. They're just making sure you don't have bombs.

And most likely you don't have bombs. See, for you, you're like, well, look at me. I'm fucking handsome young man. I'm obviously not fucked up on drugs. Yeah, but we have rules where you're not allowed to just search your shit just because they're just making sure you don't have bombs. But they are. They're allowed – that's the agreement that we've all made. We've given up a little slice of freedom.

And so because some monkeys want to go on a bomb. Because one guy had a shoe bomb. Not one, man. I mean think about all the people that have done fucked up shit on planes. For whatever reason, our fear of flying, which is very real, along with the terrorist need to send a big message by making a huge event happen, planes are a perfect thing for that. So that's why we've got to watch out. It's like it's too good for it. So we've got to put air marshals up there. Dudes are secretly cops that are hanging out.

It's all reactionary to a time we were in. Do you spot air marshals? Do you ever see one? No, I don't know. Have you ever seen someone's gun or anything like that, like peeking out from under their shoulder? Not that I've noticed. Yeah, me neither. I wonder if they're, like, fake.

They're always the ones that are always sitting on the plane before you. I don't know why that wasn't. Yeah, but why would they do that? Then you would know. What seat do you think they would go? Would they be in first class or would they be in the way back i think way back but i know a couple people that actually sat down next to them and they talked about them being the air marshal to them that was a dude trying to get some pussy yeah really what i'm out here fighting for freedom who are they girls you

told you yeah fighting for freedom i want to see my gun zip oh that's not my gun but you could hold that just lock the door just lock the door in the bathroom no the cockpit, that's not my gun, but you could hold that, too. Just lock the door. Just lock the door in the bathroom? No, in the cockpit. Oh, that's not that easy. What if everybody, you lock the door, the plane lands, everybody inside's dead. The guy went and fucking killed everybody. Yeah, then they can't take over the plane. Everyone died anyway.

Everyone died anyway. They open up the door and everybody on those planes died. How about an air marshal kills the guy and no one dies? That's better. That'd be good, too. It's better than locking the door. Just shot your theory full holes. No, I'm saying. And employed a Navy SEAL. I'm saying as opposed, not as opposed to the air marshal, as opposed to all. It's better than locking the door. Just shut your theory full of holes and employed a Navy SEAL.

I'm saying as opposed, not as opposed to the air marshal, as opposed to all the fucking things they do on the ground. There was a good book called The Strain. I should say it was a half of a good book. It was, it started off really good

and then it turned to shit. Towards the end, it was almost like he just like wanted to finish it. So they just like, it was, not Benicio Del Toro. is who is that fucking uh director did pans labrinth labrinth that that that name that word um what's that guy's name

guillermo labrinth what is he labrinth labrinth that's one of those words that i never say i only read there's a few words where you're like i don't think i've ever actually tried to throw that into a sentence like dystopian i mean i know how to say that because it's fairly easy but what was that uh what's that dude's name guelmo del toro guelmo guelmo del toro the the beginning of the book is fucking badass and starts off with a plane yeah starts off with everybody in a plane being dead they can't figure out what the fuck happened. But they're kind of pussy vampires. They don't have big fangs. They have like this thing.

Oh, that's what it is? No, no, no. Oh, the other one. The Strain. Oh. The Strain. I feel like that's a book. Was that a Michael Crichton book? No. Oh, maybe I'm thinking of something else. Maybe it's not The Strain. Guermo del Tor's not the strain guermo del toro hey guermo guermo i i'm reading a book that you would fucking love what um the uh sex at dawn

oh yeah i'm supposed to get that guy on your on your podcast as well yeah don't keep telling me that uh he was great we had him on we got him a little too high. Do you do that a lot where you get guests that aren't used to it that can just go under? I think me and Brian like it a little too much. You like it? What? The Strain. Oh. The Strain is the name of the book.

I was right. I think we like it a little when we see a guy falling apart. You like getting him too high? There's something about seeing that weed hit him. You hear that fucking Sunshine of My Love song. You just see the fear grip them. Sometimes you can't see it in people. You're like, you've been acting weird.

Oh, you're super stoned. That's what it is. We used to encourage it. It's sort of my same approach to mushrooms. I used to encourage it. I used to say, same approach to mushrooms. I used to encourage it. I used to say, come on, get high with us. You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

Not everybody's going to be fine. Now you're just like, we're smoking. If you'd like some, you can have some. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've got people that seem like they would be big time stoners. You smoke weed all the time. The weed we're getting is really high grade shit.

Yeah. And if they're not on a medical program who knows they might be getting weed from a friend you know they might have like a little bit like hey we smoke weed every now and then which what does that mean it might mean like the way i drink like if uh if i'm gonna go out i might have a beer or two but i don't sit at home and drink beer you know at home but i'll get high and right you know my body's used to getting high like i know what i'm doing when it comes to weed my body goes I know what to do with this. We're good.

But to a lot of people, this is like a once a week thing, once every two week things. And you try to keep up with fucking Captain Silly Pants over there. Chimney Stacks, yeah. And he passes you that joint a certain time with a silly little grin on his face. It's funny when you see somebody have like one hit and like, I'm good. Like, what are you talking about? Like, oh, you know your limits. Then you look down

and you concentrate on the fucking cat. He's got a cat on his shirt with a suicide vest. Brian got me so high once Where am I? Coming up from Calabasas I fell asleep at a light.

Or he's like Or he's like Red light. Or he's like oh man I think I smoked too much I'm like no this shit's not strong.

Yeah he's like this isn't the good stuff. No, this is really shit. This is swag. It was like the strongest weed I ever had. You do that shit to people, man. That's rude. I ain't erring on the side of caution.

And Ari, I think, Ari, you weren't smoking weed back then? Not as much, anyway. Once in a long while. Yeah, once every couple months or something. It was. It wrecked me. I remember when you just completely got, yeah, I'll be getting high basically every day. I go, well, how long have you been doing that?

About a month. I love it. It was really funny. I was like, well, what made you change? I'll never forget this. You go, I just realized I have more fun high. It's like I'm having more fun when I'm high. Fuck it.

I got this big care package, too. You and Eddie went into Atari's old place. Yeah. And at the time, Atari's old place. Yeah. And at the time, I didn't have my license. It was my first time I'd ever been to a weed store. No one knew. So I was in there. I was like, oh my god, I'm in a weed store.

I should just leave. I shouldn't infringe on anybody. And then at some point, he's making care packages for you and for Eddie. And the guy behind the counter goes, should I make one for this other guy too? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody care packages. So I had like six six eight different strains of weed at home and if i don't have to save it for anything i'll go through it yeah that guy got out of the business right yeah i think he's out of the business i think they all get out of the business yeah they're trying to

figure out what the hell they're gonna do in washington state now and in colorado because of the legality issues do they go in there and fucking march on Washington? The real question is, who's going to be the first crazy fuck to open up a store and try to sell weed? Because it doesn't seem like you can sell it. It seems like you can have it, and it's legal to have, and you can grow it. It's legal to grow, like up to a certain amount of plants, I think they made it. Yeah. You know, like a reasonable amount, like five or six plants or something like that. But what you can't do is you can't sell it.

Selling it is the issue. Yeah. So it's Selling it is the issue. Yeah. So it's not legal to sell. No, which really defeats the purpose of the idea of legalization. It should be tax revenue, man. Yeah. Or one of them anyway. Not legal to sell.

Yeah, you're right. One of them. Good point. Very good point, actually. They should be able to make money off that, man. The state should make money. It should be something that benefits the community. So you just have to grow for your own self? Yeah. Well off that, man. The state should make money and it should be something that benefits the community. So you just have to grow for your own self?

Yeah. Well, listen, man. There's a Budweiser plant in Van Nuys. Oh, a plant. Pass by it all the time. I was like, why did they grow Budweiser? What kind of plant is this? Why does the word not get out? Only refreshing buds? That's great. That Budweiser plant, I think it's in Van Nuys, is great for the community. It's a big business. I mean it employs a lot of people that require that money for their livelihood, right?

It employs who knows how many people. It's a huge, huge builder and a giant parking lot. I can only imagine. Nothing wrong with Budweiser, okay? But why can't weed have that same sort of status in a community? Like why wouldn't it be looked on the way it should be? Like it's a commodity. Like it can help in the neighborhood.

It can help – I mean if we have – oh, there's a big weed farm here. They employ like 700 people in this community. Everybody is fucking waving. Everybody makes a good living. They're selling weed. The government gets the tax revenue from it. That is so possible. The government gets the tax revenue from it.

That is so possible. It's really kind of amazing that it's taken this long before just the seeds get planted for that to be possible. Because the amount of money that a community could make off of selling marijuana and the amount of tax revenue you get, it could literally change agricultural areas. You would just have to have the FDA step in a little bit and make sure people aren't growing in really shitty conditions where salmonella can get out or anything like that. Well, they need to look at shitty conditions for a lot of different foods that we ingest on a regular basis. Mycotoxins are something that we've – this stuff that I'm drinking, this bulletproof coffee stuff. Is that the shit coffee? No. I am trying to not drink Starbucks. I love you. bulletproof coffee stuff. Is that the shit coffee? No. I'm trying to not drink Starbucks.

I love you. You're very convenient. However, according to Dave Asprey, it's very common to have mycotoxins, which are fungus, like different types of toxic fungus that grow on coffee. They also grow on corn. They grow on a bunch of different things. fungus that grow on coffee they also grow on corn they grow on a bunch of different things and uh he says that one of the bad feelings that you get from drinking coffee is because your body is dealing with the fact that you just ingested a bunch of poison bad feelings from coffee do i

get the greatest feelings ever something no i have i have i've actually gotten like sleepy after drinking coffee before and i can never understand what the fuck that was and someone said it's because you had ad yeah that's what, it doesn't work with this stuff. I don't get sleepy when I take this stuff. It's because the extra stuff is put in there, you think? No, it's because mycotoxins occur when the coffee beans are not processed correctly. That between the time of growing them and between the time you're getting them, somehow or another they sat in a funky place, they develop some mold, and that shit's not good for you.

This stuff that he gets is from a single source. It's like the company that grows it, packages it, and they take care of everything. They make sure that they have very non-microbial life conditions, whatever the fuck they use to do that. He swears by that. Now, when I drink this stuff, and it also has grass-fed butter in it, and you blend it. Grass-fed butter? Yeah, and MCT oil, which is… What's grass-fed butter in it. And you blend it. Grass-fed butter? Yeah, and MCT oil, which is... What's grass-fed butter?

Grass-fed butter is butter that comes from grass-fed cows. Because apparently, all the cows that we're getting for milk and all the cows that we're getting for food, for the most part, unless you're looking for grass-fed meat, they're eating corn. And corn is not what a cow is supposed to eat. When cows eat corn, they get fat as fuck. That's why they're eating corn and corn is not what a cow is supposed to eat right when cows eat corn they get fat as fuck that's why they're so delicious when they get all those like layers and marbles you know you get a nice fat steak it's got all that marbling it all cooks up and oh it's popping and juicy you're getting hungry look at you excited well that's not normal when a cow has is grass-fed they have much less fat i mean they have like a little bit of fat on there

but they're far more lean, and it's a really different kind of tasting meat. It's much healthier for your body. It acts differently on your system. Yes. It actually works to burn fat. It builds muscle better. It's like a tremendous,

like people who are athletes swear by the effects of grass-fed meat. It's just very expensive. Now, would that help you if you just ate it once in a while or would you have to fully switch, like gluten, where you have to get it completely out of your system before you start seeing the effects? I would think that if you want to get the utmost benefit, you would want to take it completely out of your system and then you could still have cheat days. Yeah, but like it would be worth somebody – for somebody once in a while when they can to be like, you know what? Give me the grass-fed beef instead.

Yeah. Well, I don't eat it every day, but I try to eat it as much as I can. Yeah. It's really inconvenient. That's the problem. It's hard to find. But it's way more common than it was just a few years ago. People – because of guys like Rob Wolf, because of guys like Dave Asprey who's a huge, huge proponent of grass-fed meat and grass-fed milk and grass-fed the butter that you get from it.

Like the butter that you get from a corn-fed cow is kind of sick. Really? It tastes different. Yeah, the butter tastes different. It's got a weird sort of a, I don't know, it's just a slightly different flavor to the butter, a slightly different flavor to the meat. It's also something to be able to roam out free, right, and actually eat grass because they're out free roaming.

The meat tastes different. It tastes like game. Well, I know with salmon, the color is different. Yeah, that's because of the insects they eat. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought that was because they were weak bitches. Yeah.

I was like this little pussy ass salmon. They don't eat insects. Yeah. The type of wild insects and larva and shit that they dine on. In the wild? Yeah. That's what apparently changes the color of their flesh. Wow.

Salmon? So they should have that. They're also dyed pink. No, no, no, but those are the reason why they dye them pink is because those are the ones that are pond-fed salmon, apparently. Something along those lines. But apparently, like, nutrition-wise, there's really not that much of a difference.

Oh, really? Like, a lot of people think there is, but then again, I mean, I don't know exactly what you're measuring when you i mean how many salmon fillets get broken down by vitamin content and how often are they doing that i mean what what control group are they working from yeah what tests have they done on salmon am i just talking out of my ass are you fear you would think they would have control of it right yeah i don't know i just can't think those pellets could be as good as all those bugs that they eat. Yeah, that's probably better. It's our natural.

Tastes better. Who knows? Wild salmon tastes better. It does. It tastes different. It tastes different. Yeah. It's all that juicy bug juice you're getting in there.

Oh, delicious bug juice. Well, I, you know, a lot of people don't like the taste of game. You know, a lot of people like, they think that venison tastes funky and I've never had bear. Have you ever had bear? No, I'd love to. Who serves bear? You've got to go somewhere special.

It better be good. Yeah, it better be good as shit. According to Steve Rinella, who will be on the podcast Monday, holla, praise Odin. According to Steve Rinella, if a bear is eating blueberries in the spring, they're fucking delicious. He said right when they get out of their dens and they start like eating massive amounts of blueberries apparently they taste so good the bear does yeah if you find a bear that's near blueberries and they eat a shitload of blueberries that's most their diet like they have like blue flesh like their fat their fat is like blue like he saves their bear fat he saves it and like cooks with it and shit

yeah yeah apparently it's unbelievably good. But it can vary. Like if you get a bear in like New Jersey, apparently you don't like to eat brown bears. People like to eat black bears. Brown bears don't taste good because brown bears are mostly predators. So they're full of meat. Yeah.

They're full of meat. They're mostly predators? Yeah. A lot of them are full of fish like grizzlies. But a black bear, a lot of what they eat is vegetables. So when you get them and they eat like a lot of blueberries, they're delicious. But if they're eating like your garbage, like suburban New Jersey has a real problem with bears. And they just eat whatever they can find.

Black bears get into suburban neighborhoods like a place where like Jim Brewer lives and shit like that. And they go and they tip over garbage cans and they just eat all the people's food and they become a real problem because once they know that they can come into a neighborhood and eat garbage once you know everybody's a little bitch yeah do anything so hey get out of here so they open up hunting season on them so when they open up hunting season on them then people went out and hunted these bears but they found out the bears that were near people they tasted like shit because they're eating garbage you know they're just fucking donuts and whatever the fuck they find in a parking lot somewhere you ever see the wild near people they tasted like shit because they're eating garbage you know they're just eating fucking donuts and whatever the fuck they find in a parking lot somewhere you ever see the wild boys

where they where they had tried to lure a bear into their tent yeah it's so great those were like that video that chick doing the backflip i could barely watch them look at the fuck do you ever see the one where they were throwing a ham around and these hyenas they were playing keep away hyenas oh yeah hyenas we're trying to we're trying to eat it that's not snipping at them hyenas can literally break right through your arm they would just bite through your arm and your hand would fall one side and the rest of your arm would go limp and they would take that piece out of the middle out and it would be gone that's because some old hippie told them it's cool. That's the hyenas now.

Snap. Wow. Fuck that. I love that show. How about the one when he got up in the tree and the lion climbed up and got on top of him and just started touching his hat and didn't kill him? Remember that, Brian, when we had Steve-O on the podcast?

He's so crazy. He got so close so many times. Out of his fucking mind. Yeah. Out of his fucking mind yeah out of his fucking mind and Jackass he hooked himself in the nipple with a hook

and then they went fishing for sharks oh Jesus he jumped over the edge and they reel him in by his hook nip oh dude those guys are so nuts

I don't when did that become cool to like hurt yourself scare me Jackass yeah but why what America was ready for it.

They got Tom Green where it's like, oh, we love these things, but this is victimless. We want to be them. We've seen enough. All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's bring this bitch home. Ari Shafir,

thank you very much, my brother. You're welcome. I would just say that my special will be out February 5th-ish. 5th-ish, but you can pre-order it. Pre-order starting tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Chill.com. Where is it? Chill.com. C-H-I-L-L.com? Yeah. Ooh, what a good domain name. Easy to remember, right?

Chill.com. All right, go to Chill.com, folks. Support your boy, Ari Shafir. And I know that you were very happy with this. Oh, I'm super stoked, man. I was really happy. It was all my fans. It's all different than the Comedy Central ones.

They don't tell you what to do, what to... It's just you do it on your own. Yeah. It's sensor-free. It's beautiful. We live in amazing times, man, for artistic creativity, for freedom, to be able to put your own shit out there, and to be able to do what we're doing right now. We have a legit show, somehow or another another that reaches millions of people somehow or another you know and through

that platform you know you really could do whatever the fuck you want you know and i'll be in edmonton with the comic strip doing that material almost almost all 90 of that material so see it there before yeah go see it there first you fucks because he's not going to be out on video. You can't download it until February 4th, so you've got to give a man time to come up with some new shit. I mean, he just recorded it, okay? A lot of you comedy nerds get a little touchy about the new material, and cut the guy some slack. You know, you feel like, oh, I saw some of your bits, and I'm like, dude, if you saw one of my bits, it might have been maybe one.

People come back to the second show and say the same thing. Yeah. I'll twice in a week and i don't i don't i don't usually i have one that i'm working on yeah fucker um uh thank you to everyone for supporting the podcast we appreciate the fuck out of it and i appreciate even even the criticism i really do without it i wouldn't i'm a criticism in a nice way that's the thing thank you it's just people that get angry like so many people were angry at me because of the moon talk you know look you don't have to get angry it's stupid you're getting a free podcast there's no need to be angry at someone talking yeah you like it you don't like it but if you have something constructive, I really do believe that all of the constructive criticism that I've ever heard, whether it's from my time hosting at Fear Factor, whether it's from doing the UFC commentary, or whether it's from doing comedy, I really believe that that's made me better at what I do.

Even some of the cunty shit. It puts things, just to know that someone could see you that way valid or not yeah uh so uh go check ari out on twitter it's a-r-i-s-h-a-f-f-i-r follow him he drops bits of knowledge all throughout the day and he's a real inspirational sort of a character like the other day someone was asking for babysitter advice, and he said, call Casey Anthony. Yeah, that's right. She knows the best way to get away from kids. Son of a B. And I'll be in Chicago with Joe Rogan. Yeah, that's right.

We're going to be in Chicago. That is? 25th? Yeah. January 25th. January 25th. Wow, that's coming up soon. Yeah. That's going to be fun as fuck.

Chicago, January 25th, and then Las Vegas, Nevada, February 1st with Mad Flavor, a.k.a. Joey Diaz. And just – you can find that shit on Ticketmaster or you can go to my Twitter. You can find it up there. Or you can go to JoeRogan.net, my newly redesigned website. And from there, you can actually buy my new comedy special. Oh, yeah. I guess I'm supposed to be promoting. Yeah, same as me.

Yeah, it's five bucks, DRM-free. It's the best shit I think I've ever done. What's DRM've ever done it means you can put it on any device you know you can download copy it um i just ask please don't steal it don't put it on a torrent site or anything like that you think that's your best one you've ever done i think so yeah i think i'm better now than i've ever been before you definitely are you have the most experience being a comic yeah i think this one i mean uh i like my last one i really like shiny happy jihad i really like talking monkeys in comic yeah i think we're in this one i mean uh i like my last one i really like shiny happy jihad i really like talking monkeys in space like i think everything that i've done since i stopped doing fear factor is my best stuff you know from then on from 2006 on

yeah yeah yeah definitely but i think this is the best one out of all of them i just think i'm better at it you know it's just a matter of spending time and practice and the reaction's been really good yeah man It's been almost universal. I'm super, super, super happy with it. Nice. Some people, there's a few complaints only that I talked about some of the subjects on the podcast, but that's impossible to avoid. I'm doing podcasts for three hours a day.

Also, when you care about the stuff you talk about on stage, it's going to bleed over to regular conversations because you're not making it up. Those are your real feelings. Yeah. Yeah. No doubt. No doubt. I mean, this whole podcast connection with stand-up is very unexpected and very strange.

Some of you start off a bit on a podcast and are like, huh, let me think more of that. So yeah, you saw the first germinations of an idea. All the time. Bitch, thanks to Hover for sponsoring us as well for the first time today, ladies and gentlemen. And again, as I said, Hover is a, well, they promote themselves as a non-evil. That's a catchy word with people. But a non-evil domain name company.

And you can go to Hover.com forward slash Hogan. You get 10% off your domain name registrations and if you go to on it.com that's o-n-n-i-t and use the code name rogan you save 10 off any and all supplements all right you fuckers we love the shit out of you we thank you very much for for all the love and uh we'll see you soon holo