The Joe Rogan Experience - #317 - David Choe, Yoshi Obayashi

Episode Date: January 22, 2013

David Choe is an American painter, muralist, graffiti artist and graphic novelist from Los Angeles, CA. To learn more about him and his work check out the documentary "Dirty Hands: The Art and Crimes of David Choe" and also on his VICE series "Thumbs UP!" Yoshi Obayashi is a stand-up comedian and host of his own podcast, Yoshi Didn't.

Joe Rogan, experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. It's not official until the music starts. Who did that song? Brian did it, all himself. Brian did that garage band. Dude's a fucking master. He's a garage band master.

It sucks because I hear it all the time in stupid TV shows and commercials now. Like one of the riffs in that song Oh really? Yeah, it's just like What, because it's a GarageBand riff? Yeah, there's parts of it that are just straight up from GarageBand I tweaked a little bit Yoshi

Male Our friend Yoshi is here Hey Joe What's up, Yoshi? And he brought his friend David Cho Who insists on relentlessly relentlessly torturing Yoshi about

his nickname. This is a strange nickname, Yosh. Yoshi male? Yes. Why would that? Why would they call you that? Is there a story to go with this? Well, for people who do know Yoshi, they know that he used to work in the porn

business and his currency was porn like if if he needed to get tickets to something like yoshi knows a lot of athletes and and uh rock stars and whatever and he's like hey you guys want some porn and he's just he's always there with a box of porn and if you've gotten a box of porn from Yoshi, you know that sometimes he hides some shemale porn in there. That's true. Do you hide it in there? Is it like your way of just letting people get a hold of it so people who wouldn't ordinarily watch it were like, well, fuck it, I got the DVD.

No one's here but me. Let's just throw this on. Is that what you're trying to do? I'm trying to figure out what they're into. He likes to make people uncomfortable. No, but you know what? Sometimes even when they're angry, I could tell it's a fake angry and they really liked it.

It'd be interesting if you could have a camera set up to see how long they watched it before they turned it off. They're like, this is disgusting. Get the lube out. They did a study a while back where they took men who were homophobic and they still they did a study a while back where they they took men who were

homophobic and they showed them uh images of gay guys having sex and they showed arousal oh i heard the opposite i heard that they got uh like like a flight or fight kind of response like they get really like aggressive and angry really yeah what i read was that it was penile arousal was the word. There was a recognized arousal in the males that were especially homophobic. Especially angry about gay people.

It's much more common for them to actually be fighting off gay thoughts. Like Yoshi gets aroused thinking about a straight male watching shemale porn. Where did that come from? Joe, by the way, don't believe everything he says. Okay, well, you tell me if I'm lying then.

So Yoshi, you know, like everyone here watches porn. You watch, you jerk off to it. But this was this guy's life. So what gets this guy hard? A guy who, like a 9 to 5 job, watches porn from morning till night. Right. Just asses, dicks, penises, and pussies just smashing together like over and over and over again. And a lot of the times when I used to call him, I'm like, hey, you want to go get dinner or something? He'd be like, no, I got to finish this tranny porn.

And I always thought it was like he was just fucking with me right but then he's like it's not this like niche thing it's like huge it's our number one seller and it always has been what yeah whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa that's what i say okay is this something that people weren't they love this shit black tranny porn is the hottest thing. Is this like the biggest underground story ever? It's huge and untalked about. That's crazy. The number one seller. Even when I work at the retail store in Seattle,

we have booths, and at the end of the month, we do a tally of which movies sold the most. Top 10, it's always a combination of gay or trannies. Whoa, that's fucking crazy. Theanny shimmy is there um a lack of that well there's not a lack of that stuff on the internet it's not like they would have to purchase it like why are they purchasing that more than anything else is that what the demand is the man the demand it's like a demand is massive how many undercover tranny loving dudes are there

out what do you think it is because this is what I think it is. It's so easy. By the way, it really shocked me that we started a whole podcast with Trani. What? Oh, it's shocking to you? Yeah. All right, go ahead. Why not?

Why is it shocking to you? Yo, shemale. No, I thought we were going to talk about you. No, let's talk about you. We're talking about life, bitch. Yeah, we're talking about you. Don't worry about it. All right. So what is your thought?

My thing is it's just, you know, if you think of the things that we used to have to jack off to you know we're a bit older like the sears catalog and it was just you know if there was someone at your school that had got a blow job like they were like the hero you know it's like right yeah like now like eight year old kids are giving each other blowjobs it's just it's true are we talking about jim norton all right go ahead. No, I'm like, Yoshi's a grown-up adult male that watches porn all day, but think about a regular kid

who just discovered the internet and his first boner. He can already watch anal and everything. Right. So I think you do anal, you get blowjobs, you have sex with your girlfriend and you're 16

and you've already seen and done everything. You're what's the next thing you know that's what i think i don't know i might be wrong on that but you know once i don't know you you're in that business what do you think why do you think it's such a huge thing i have a friend in boston professor of evolutionary biology, but he did like a research, like full, very popular body parts in internet search. This is according to 100 million research. Obvious one, tits, ass, feet, and penis, according to 100 million research by men. And according to my friend, it's because we're interested in all the different sexual cues.

It doesn't make you a gay person. I think it's part of our competitiveness. Like guys urinating in the bathroom kind of look over a guy's penis. It's not a gay thing, I don't think. Well, I think part of the idea is also that a lot of people have these sexual thoughts about men because they were imprinted with some sort of sexual experience by a man when they were young whether it was molestation or something like that whatever it is they had some weirdness that happened with another boy and because of that they have like even though they don't have homosexual

thoughts they're not homosexual they can still get aroused by the idea of men or by the idea of doing something you're not supposed to do right looking at a guy's cock. If you fuck a shemale, is that gay? Yes. Check this one out, Jeff. It's not as gay as fucking a bear. If you jerk off to a shemale porno, is that gay?

Check this out. No. No. No, but it's questionable. What is that? What are you showing me? At the end, there was a ton of these guys where they looked like a normal guy, but they had the nicest tits in the whole entire world.

And so they would pull out their tits before girls, so that they could just suck on them. It looks like a guy. That totally looks like fucking... That looks like an older actor guy. Yeah, like a regular looking dude with huge titties. That's so strange. But they were everywhere. They had just normal looking blonde hair guys.

Like a Dylan McDermott. It's like Dylan McDermott with giant tits. That was Amazing Kathy is the name of that person. That's so weird. What is that? Is that a new look? Yeah. There's another one like Danny, I forget his name.

Do you know who I'm talking about, Yoshi? He's a short blonde hair guy. Yeah, I don't remember the last name. Danny something. He was another one. Short blonde hair. Oh, that reminds me, Joe. I got you a present when I was in Avian.

I brought it for you. It kind of fits this conversation, too. You son of a bitch. What do you have? You can frame it, maybe, and hang it up. Frame it? Yeah. I'm scared to open this.

What is it? It's dudes with their hard dicks in their pants. Oh, let me see. You think you're funny? Is that what's supposed to be funny? Look at their hard dicks in their pants. Oh, let me see. You think you're funny? Is that what's supposed to be funny? Look at their boners sticking through their underwear. Why?

You paid money for this. You really wanted this. This is one of those things. Oh, well, if you don't want it, I'll take it. I bought it for you really drunk the next day. I was like,

why did I buy this for Joe? This is stupid. You're a silly bitch. That's why. But it's good artwork. He was aroused by it. I guess he was. I got a little tingle right there looking at it.

He really wanted it for himself, but while he was purchasing, he's like, this is for my friend Joe, so it takes the gayness away from him. If you're gay and you saw that, you'd be psyched. I thought it was funny. I thought it was like that gangster fag shit back in the day. I thought Joe would think this was hilarious. Yeah, do you like that gangster fag shit back in the day. Joe will think this was hilarious.

Yeah. Do you remember that? There was a rapper named Gangsta Fag and he had like all these gangster rap songs about having sex with dudes. This shit's huge too. Yeah. In New York. Have you seen it?

No. Like homo. Yeah. Like it's like super hardcore gangsters, but then, and they like look like gangsters, but they like wear pink. And it's like, I forgot what the movement issters, but they wear pink. What? I forgot what the movement is called, but you see it a lot in New York. Wow.

It's like they're on the subway just making out, and they're like, what the fuck are you looking at? They're like that kind of shit. Holy shit. Gangster gay people. I like it. I'm into it. Yeah.

Look, we need another wrinkle in this society. There it is. Yeah. Yeah. What we're looking at for the folks listening on iTunes, this is a famous photo of two, they look Latino gentlemen with

gang-like tattoos, and they're in the tub together naked. No biggie. Totally not gay. Just a lot of gay. Apparently, that's in the Latino together naked. You know, no biggie. Yeah, totally not gay. Just a lot of gay. Apparently that's in the Latino community in prison. It's a big thing. It's gay for the stay. Gay for the stay.

Yeah, that a lot of dudes, they go gay when they're inside. And then when they get outside, it's like, just shut up about it. Wow. Yeah. Well, I want to ask you about that because you do all the UFC stuff. Like sometimes, you know, okay, so UFC starts, right?

And it was like Tank Abbott. It was more like Street Fighter back then. There was like a sumo guy with like a boxer. And then at some point it all went straight to like grappling, right? Right. So on any given UFC fight, if you just walk into the room while the fight's playing, most of the fights end up on the floor, right? A lot of them do, yeah.

Less now, I think, than more recently. Right. And then they're wearing the tight short shorts with the boner bulges. And there's a lot of 69 going on. There's a lot of head-to-crotch grinding. Yep. It looks very homoerotic. You could, if you were into gay dudes, could if you were into gay dudes and if you

were into dudes especially if you were in athletic dudes I would totally see how you could see two men grappling especially bare chest to bare chest as being homoerotic and just as you there's I mean people but it's really based upon your sexual preference if you're into that yeah you would think that's homoerotic but if you're not it's not you know I'm saying if you're into that, yeah, you would think that's homoerotic. But if you're not, it's not. You know what I'm saying? If you're not gay, it's just two dudes fighting. But if you are gay, you'd be psyched.

Maybe you could enjoy it on another level. It would be not just fighting, but fighting with two hot dudes that you're really getting excited by. So you're getting excited by the fight itself, and you get excited by the fact that you would like to suck both their cocks after it's over to thank them for the show yeah i mean you know sometimes when you know this move at the strip club when you go and the girl like

gives you a simulated blow job like she's blowing you but she uses the top of her head yeah i seen that in a ufc move like the guy's like grinding his forehead on the guy's crotch. I'm like, oh, fuck. A stripper just did that to me. Ah! The head job. You wouldn't want that if you had a big hard cup on, though. It doesn't feel as good. You want sweatpants. That's true. I knew a dude

who used to take those nylon sweatpants. You know the nylon sweatpants that dudes used to wear? The joggers back in the 90s? Remember those blue nylon sweatpants people You know the nylon sweatpants that dudes used to wear the joggers back in the 90s? Remember those blue nylon sweatpants people used to wear? Yeah. He took those

and he sanded it with a thousand grit sandpaper in the crotch. He would get it like he could hold it up to the light and see his fingers. And then he would squirt lube. He'd shave his cock and balls.

Complete shave. I like where this story's going. Squirt lube all over himself, put his sweatpants on, and then he would go to the strip club. And it was called shooting. He would go shooting. And the girls would sit on him

and give him a lap dance. And essentially, he was wearing a condom. Wow. He was wearing a nylon version of a condom. This is way, way fucking advanced. Like I said, that's pretty clever. He's a very smart guy. I mean, I used to live

at the strip club pretty much in Vegas and nobody figured that out there yeah when like me and my friend Harry when we'd go we'd take our jeans off

and like put on sweatpants and like someone new to our group would be like what are you guys doing we're like dude we're about to get lap dances but this is

this takes that to a whole other level this dude brought out sandpaper grinding down that's fucking awesome he brought out sandpaper to Grinding down nylon. That's fucking awesome. He brought out sandpaper to the point where the shit was almost transparent. He was using 1,500 grit, which is what you would use to gently clean off the shaft of a pool cue.

You know what I'm talking about? That kind of dust, just a slight level of dust every time you pass. This is so amazing. And he wore that shit down where he could get his fingers so he could see his fingers in the light. And that's what he knew. It was technically still closed. Was this guy's name happened to be Yoshi?

No. I'm not that clever. Yoshi was not that clever. This guy was a very smart dude. I won't give his name out. But it's imperative that you shave the cock and balls. He goes, you want to have no hair, no hair anywhere. Yeah, like a whole technique to everything.

That's fantastic. And then he was like, then you go astroglide. But then one time, I guess he put on too much astroglide, and a girl got on his lap. And she goes, what the fuck? The fuck is this? And he was like, oh, I'm sorry. She goes, what are you doing?

What are you doing? And he goes, I couldn't believe it. I just ran out of there. He got caught. He was horrified. He basically took it too far. He wasn't. You're just wearing the nylon pants, and you got the lube on underneath,

and you really probably can't tell at first. But he had a puddle in his pants. Wow. He tried to get crafty. They should make a monument to this guy at every strip club. Well, for a long time, he had his own business, and he was really dedicated to his business. Sandpaper business.

No, no. He was selling shooting pants. He had this business, and so he didn't have any time for dating. So what he would do is he would go and work all fucking day on his own business. Then he would eat dinner. He would order takeout. Then he would go to the strip club in his shooting pants. And he would get one off.

And then he would go back home. And that's what he would do. Every day? Whenever he wanted to. Whenever he wanted to. And that was how he avoided relationships for the longest time. Fuck, man. He would go shooting.

Because he had a few bad relationships. And he got fucked over by a few chicks. He was in his 30s. Smart guy, and he just was like, he was very logical to his approach to solving problems. Where is he at now? I haven't talked to him in a long time. I don't know. Can I ask you a question? Sure.

So I just walked in here, and you guys have all these Sex at Dawn books. And I read that, too, because I'm interested in human sexuality and all that stuff, especially the shemale stuff. So when I look at you, I see like the last of a dying breed of man, like sort of like the intellectual jock. Like you're like a pretty big guy that can beat the shit out of people, but you're also, like, well-read and intelligent. So what is your whole take on all this? Like, are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah, yeah, I'm married.

Oh, you are? I'm married. Yeah, I have kids and everything. I have the whole deal. Damn. That's crazy. You know, it is crazy. Like, recently or for a long time?

I've been married for quite a few years now. But for me, the difference that happens when you have kids is so hard to wrap your head around. Like for anybody that's not married and doesn't have kids, once you have a little you, a little Dave running around,

the love that you have for them is so... Really, you could never imagine that it would even be possible. So it's a real mind fuck. How old are your kids? I have a 16-year-old stepdaughter. I have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old. The 4 is almost 5.

The 2 is almost 3. That's pretty major. Unbelievably fascinating. And Cupcake over here. And me. Who's about 38. So when I hear you're like, here's like The married path with like kids And then here's the other path with the shooting pants

Like I aim more towards the shooting pants You know what man shooting pants The whole deal is Finding a compatible person If you don't find a compatible person You find someone who wants to fight all the time Find someone who wants to test you Find someone who's not at peace themselves

You're gonna have fucking problems Cause you can always find something wrong's just not at peace themselves you're gonna have fucking problems yeah but you can always find something wrong with people yeah but as a you know a man who like probably gets hit on by chicks all the time those fucking ring girls are super smoking hot like i mean how do you deal with that you just jerk off keep it together do your best i know a great guy That has an immense Collection of shemale porn That I could hook you up with The idea of carrying hard porn

Is so ridiculous these days With all the websites Yeah Does the industry frown Upon the websites? Do they look at it The way other people look at Stealing?

Do you know what the That they're still They still print video cassettes? VHS? I don't know anyone who buys porn except for myself. But in general, I don't know one person who ever buys pornography, like DVDs, or even has a porn pass or any of that stuff. And so Yoshi educated me that he said that the last thing that keeps this business alive is people like 50 and over. Old perverts, yeah.

That they're scared to use computers, so they still go to the store and they buy DVDs and VHS tapes. And then once they're dead, then this business will be dead. So the old perverts who just stuck with their ways. They have this way. They like the remote control. They like to be able to sit there on the bed. They're also afraid the government might get them.

They're probably right. You know, because... There's no... You know, there's nothing of it on their computer. Mm-hmm. So... Because you're trusting the companies that every one of those girls are 18 and older.

It's a funny thing, man. But if someone who's in a high position of power like say a political person and they found that they had tranny porn at their house even though it's totally legal right and even though you're saying it's the biggest market yeah so it represents a lot of human beings that are into that stuff you'd be done right yeah for sure how weird is that well how weird is it that we give a fuck about... Like, Jimmy Norton is a very good friend of mine. I love that dude.

Oh, I love that guy. I don't care that he jerks off to trannies at all. It doesn't bother me that he's had tranny experiences. It's hilarious. When he tells you about it, like, the fact that you would judge what tweaks someone sexually... The heart wants what the heart wants.

But it's complete, like, that's a weird sort of homophobia that's still accepted. It's a weird sort of prejudice that's still accepted. That your sexual preference, and even if you're a nice person, even if you're nice and you're intelligent,

we'll judge you based on whether or not you jerk off to dudes with dicks or dudes who look like chicks with dicks. I remember even ladies the late 80s, the store owner didn't want to have interracial tapes, thinking most of the customers in Seattle would hate it. But the reaction, once we got the interracial stuff, was opposite.

It's always the white doctors, white lawyers, white CPA. Yeah. You know, so... Well, the disproportionate amount of interracial porn is sold in the Deep South. Oh, Utah is like number one porn market. It's white dudes. White dudes watching black guys fuck white girls.

God damn it. The cuckold films. God damn it. Yeah, those are weird. That's something I didn't see coming. The cuckold market. Folks, if you're normal and you're listening to this, and you're not all fucked up in the head like us

where we can just say cuckold and no one has to worry whether or not anybody understands what it means, apparently there's a group of dudes who like watching other guys fuck their women. Yeah. And they like, especially like big black guys to fuck their women. What is it called?

The Mandingo Club or something? And there's a lot. They bring like seven Mandingos. It's like just this black crew of guys with dicks over 12 inches. And they just come and they fuck the shit out of them. Over 12 inches.

Just stop and think about that. It's not just one dude. There's many guys with dicks over 12 inches out there. It's like a horse race. I think the Vice guys made an awesome documentary about it. Really? About dudes with big dicks? No, it's just specifically about the cuckold stuff.

It's cuckold from Mandingo's. It's a Mandingo. I didn't even know that was a... I thought Mandingo was just the name of a porn star, but I guess it's a whole movement. even know like that was a i thought mandingo was just the name of a porn star but i guess it's a whole movement you know i think i thought i think the slave owners had a one prize black guy in each farm and did i think they call him mandingo i think that's where it started really yeah so you can go to this and get your wife mandingoed oh my god that's fucking insane and i remember thinking

about it no i don't think mrs rogan would appreciate that um yeah she probably wouldn't i don't want to know that's really what it's about i see joke going to one of those parties where you are wearing masks you know oh yeah but i wear a batman mask white porcelain bullshit if you make me wear a wet mask i'm gonna be batman but the uh if you when i did dave show we were talking about uh david tell's uh porn show dave's old porn he's old porn thanks for doing it but it was fun it was a lot of fun yosh uh works on that show but when uh i did it we were looking at john holmes like his dick ain't even big by today's standards like it's kind of crazy like he was the guy who had the

big giant cock but now there's so many black guys with dicks way bigger than john holmes well they weren't allowed yeah they weren't allowed into porn back then. That's why. Is that what it is? I think so. Yeah, I imagine so. People had to get tired of white people fucking white women. Where they're like, listen, we got a million videos of white girls getting fucked by white guys with three-quarter hard dicks.

Okay? Can we bring in some brothers? And then they're like, okay, well, just try this out and see how it works. Boom, smash hit. Big black dudes with giant dicks, fucking white girls. And just changes the whole... And for girls, that's part of their currency, right? That they haven't had interracially.

That helps them sell in a lot of markets, right? Yeah, for a lot of the stars, their manager would tell them, don't do it. Don't do inter on a racial. Because you could charge more money. I've talked extensively. I just started my podcast with Asa Akira, who just won 2012. What is the podcast called? All right, so just like for the same audience out there that doesn't know what Cuckold is,

the name of the podcast is DVDASA, and all the podcasts are at DVDASA.com. But basically, this is pretty much all I talk to Asa about because I was like, is that true? When you fuck a black dude, then your rate goes down? And that was actually sort of a myth. But the shit now, so DVDASA stands for Double Vag, Double Anal, Sensitive Artist. And Asa always gets pissed because she's like,

Dave, get it straight. I didn't do DVDA. Because if you do DVDA, then it's four dicks at the same time. She said, I did DV, break, and then at another time I did DA. So that's two dicks in your ass at once and it's like, you know, it's...

That's medically dangerous. I mean, she can't sit for like a week after that. I mean, it's like... Really? Yeah, it's like we just grilled her about this. And the thing is... Why does she do that? She's a little, you know...

She's 5'2". Yeah, there's like... Yoshi knows more about porn than I do, but for what I know, most of the girls that do this are usually ugly and no-name porn stars. So for someone like Asa, who has a huge name to do it, it's like, whoa. And she's tiny. Why is she doing it? Check out Insatiable too, Joe.

You'll explain it to me. I went with her to the Porn Awards. That's insatiable. I went with her to the porn awards. That's insatiable. I went with her to the porn awards last year, and she won best anal, best double penetration, two years in a row. So I was like, you know, after the thing, you know, it's a weird thing to celebrate, you know?

Right. Because it's like you're the best butt fucky. Right. You got butt fucked the best out of anyone this year. Right. You got penetrated twice. Oh, my God. I'm so happy for you.

Oh, my God. You won the award. That's amazing. Yeah, but I love her, so I'm sitting there, and I think I'm just like, there's not a huge success rate for porn stars after porn, right? It's like you either got to bag a rich dude, or you got to get out before it just completely destroys your soul.

Too late. I mean... Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. Isn't there a documentary about it? Life After Porn. Life After Porn, yeah. How is that? I just saw the first 20 minutes and it was like super sad

and I was like... Yeah. And I was like, you're at the top right now. You won the fucking... She was walking out of here like you're at the top right now you won the fucking she was walking out of here like this with like all the awards i was like you won everything this year and last year right and like you fucking just like for i'm trying to tell her to quit i'm not trying to tell her to quit but like start like like if a porn star won performer of the year like 10 years ago right that means she was like really sexy and like did sexy shit like if you win performer of the year like 10 years ago right that means she was like really sexy and like did sexy shit like if you win performer of the year now in 2012 2013 that means you took dicks like

brutally like you're like slant like like a fucking bag of dicks like just and they're giving them awards and saying good job and so these girls are working towards these awards you watch these oh yeah they don't they look like snuff films? Yeah, they are. They're like getting dragged across the ground and thrown against the wall and it's like caveman shit. Yeah, Hershey. If you check out Insatiable,

which I think she's not going to do any more Insatiables, but as an example, Insatiable, she's getting dragged by her hair down there and just pretty much gagged. I mean, it does look like a snuff film.

It looks like rape or something. It's horrible. Why are people into that? Because that's what people want. There's two things people want now, like shit like rape or something it's horrible why why are people into that because that's what people want there's two things people want now like shit like that it's a parody it's a thing with the the shemale stuff it's like they've already seen everything what's the next thing and it's funny so i said what is next are you gonna have to fuck animals you're gonna get your head chopped off in the next one yeah you know what is she saying she she's one of one of the girls that genuinely loves porn like she loves being a she's like And that's why a lot of the fans like her,

because she's not like, oh, I'm just going to do this until I get my real estate license. She loves it. She's into rough sex. She loves fucking. She loves it. She's amazing. She is amazing.

I love her. I love her too. It's a funny thing that people would like, the natural instinct is to go, oh, God, what the fuck are you guys talking about She's amazing she's taking two dicks in her ass Oh my god she's amazing But the reality is

Porn is something that A fucking lot of people watch But nobody gives anybody credit for being good at it Oh I mean that's the other thing too No seriously he's right about that Because you look we've all had bad sexual experiences where someone wasn't into it and the girl's like, and you're losing

your erection. She's like, what's wrong? I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with you? What kind of a conversation are we having here? This is nuts. What you see in a scene when a girl's really into getting fucked, the reality of it gets you

excited. But if someone sucks at it, it's not good. We've all seen bad porn. There's a lot of porn out there. It's not all good. And usually the hot chicks, they don't fuck ugly fat girls. So when you have a hot chick that does fuck a

fat, ugly chick, then it's amazing. Awesome. And she's amazing because she's done scenes where gang bangs a bunch of guys yeah and i know half of those guys didn't take a bath oh and she'll smile and just do it like professional oh yeah that's the other like random stranger that's that's the other thing well it's like open mic for porn so these guys hoping they do you know you don't want that mic to be that close to his mouth because that's the other thing we figured out. It's like, the podcast is pretty much me, Yoshi, and Asa. And all this dude does

is eat asses out of hookers. And she eats a lot of ass. And like Yoshi said, a lot of those guys don't shower and stuff. So I'm like, I'm on a show with two people that eat ass.

All day. Don't get pink eye from this mic or whatever. You probably have a good immune system because of that. Your immune system is doing battle all day with Yoshi's AIDS. Exactly.

Joe, don't say that. I'm glad you said it and not me. Well, Yoshi's AIDS and Brian's AIDS in the same room, what they are is like two competing beehives, and they're hovering in the middle of the room trying to work the situation out. Yeah, Yoshi always tells me whose Whose AIDS dominates this room? You can only get it once, right? No.

Different kinds. You can get it twice? We had this guy on, and I have to tell people who listen to this podcast, we have found a molecular biologist to debate Dr. Peter Gutt-Duesberg. We had this guy on the podcast, and a lot of people got really angry at me. He's a professor of biology at the University of California, Berkeley, and he's got this crazy theory about HIV and AIDS. Okay.

And he doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. He believes that the drugs that people give people for HIV, what really is going on with these people is they have a compromised immune system from drug use. You're giving them a drug that's designed to kill a disease that they don't even, it's not even the cause of their illness. He's saying the cause of their illness is the fact that they're taking all these drugs. And the people that are in HIV research,

they think he's fucking crazy, and a lot of people got mad at us for having him on. And it's a controversial situation because obviously he's smarter than me. I'm not a professor of biology. He's got tenure, and he does peer-reviewed stuff on cancer that's very well-respected to this day. But he's got this wacky opinion on HIV.

And he insists that no one wants to debate him. So we got this guy who's finally willing to debate him, and I'll announce all of it when everything gets signed away, and we figure out what day they're going to both fly in. But we're going to bring him in here, and we're going to have them debate as long as it takes on the podcast and either you know either duisburg is fucking crazy or duisburg is a genius and we have a real problem with the way people perceive this one particular disease i don't fucking know i'm just hoping that i can figure out how to navigate through the waters because i'm basically going to be like a referee in a contest that I don't understand.

Do you know anyone with AIDS besides Brian and Yoshi? Well, they have the most AIDS. But yeah, I know a guy who has HIV. I know at least one guy. The only time in my life that I've ever seen anyone with AIDS, and it was like a lot of AIDS, was when I was in Africa. That was part of Duesburg's problem with it he said that what you're seeing in Africa is not people that have HIV it's people that have no no nutrition

he's like you're seeing compromised immune systems because they're they're starving and they're they're in horrible climates where there's a lot of waste around a lot is it like you're seeing a lot of different things he's like they're not testing these people for HIViv he goes and the the amount of people that they have tested that that do have hiv in africa he said the number hasn't increased but the population has tripled the population of africa they were saying is going to be decimated by a's and he was like well if that's the truth why the population increased by threefold population Population was like, he said it was like, this is all Duesberg, I'm paraphrasing,

but he said I believe it was like 500 million and now it's over a billion. So he was like the population tripled. They got 12-inch dicks. They like to fuck. Yeah, well, the idea is that if AIDS was a communicable disease, like people are describing it,

it would have swept through Africa and decimated the population. And he's saying because it didn't, not even by any stretch of the imagination, he said it backs up his idea that it's something that's brought about in Africa by poor nutrition and in America by drug use. I don't know, man. I know gay dudes love to party, and that's something that can't be ignored. They fucking love to party.

And it could be a combination of them loving to party makes them more susceptible to certain diseases and illnesses but we all know that i have i have a friend who they they you know they're married and they're you know they're they're gay folks and they have a total normal married life but they also have friends who are gay that they talk about that are their buddies that they party with and these guys are fucking savages when you get a direct line into how gays and these are gay professional men i mean one guy they do dvda yeah one guy owns a clothing company and he's really rich and another guy he owns some other business and he uh he actually pays a straight guy and has company, and he's really rich. And another guy, he owns some other business,

and he actually pays a straight guy and has sex with him. He's got this straight Russian guy that he paid. The guy was broke working at a bar. And so he started paying him for sex, and he fucks this guy on a regular basis. So now he bought this guy a car, puts a guy up in an apartment, and just goes and bangs him. And they go out, and they fucking party hard.

Gay guys party hard, man. And it might just be this guy's buddies. But when I meet these dudes, and they start telling me stories about the fucking throwdowns that they all have together. Wow. They fucking go out and do crazy drugs. They're in this dance culture all the time. And they love to take ecstasy

and they get together. Snorting coke out of each other's buttholes. That's a part of what they're doing that's fun. And that shit will decimate your immune system. Whether or not Duesberg's correct about all of his assumptions about AIDS, that outside

of, let's set that aside for a minute and just look at the fact that there's so many of these dudes taking those drugs and that those drugs will fuck you up. That is a fact. Whether or not HIV causes AIDS, the majority of scientists say it does. So I have to go with them. I mean, the majority support the idea that it's this ever altering and changing disease. It's very hard to figure out.

And then it decimates your immune system. I don't imagine that you could keep something like that a secret if it wasn't true. So having him on was a tricky thing because I can't debate him. And I had my friend Brian Callen on. He tried to debate him, but he got smushed.

Ginsburg's a genius. You gotta have another genius. So we're doing that. So that's coming up. I'm gonna keep hope alive that there's a genius Yeah you gotta have another genius Yeah So we're doing that So that's coming up I'm gonna keep hope alive That there's a cure for you buddy No Yoshi's AIDS is incurable Oh it's incurable

He's got his own Yeah it's his own thing Sorry bro It's like a fingerprint Sorry bro Unless I fuck him with my AIDS Yeah it'd be like King Kong vs Godzilla

And Yoshi's ass He would get a film camera in there And make a cartoon reenactment of what they see You would just see aides Doing battle with aides They'll dress up like gladiators From a scene in the Lord of the Rings Just ogre aides

And on the other side troll aides And they have fucking shields on their chest And battering rams And they're going to war inside Yoshi's ass Somebody make that cartoon You guys gotta throw that mic out after the show's done. Yoshi, we will spray it. I'm going to let you know.

Don't feel sad. We're going to spray it. Because I saw a few of those spittles. They flew off your mouth while you got really particularly excited about things. And that's like panspermia. That's how asteroids hit other planets, and that's how life gets to Earth. Spermia. That's how asteroids hit other planets, and that's how life gets to Earth. See, so your AIDS leapfrogging onto that very moist sponge microphone cover, that's a perfect habitat for super AIDS.

I just want to make sure they're just joking. I don't have AIDS. Of course I'm just joking. I can't believe I have to tell you that. You're a fucking professional comedian, man. Jesus Christ. Guess what? Brian doesn't have AIDS either. Wink, wink. That's the other shit. You guys are on iTunes? Yeah, yeah, we're on iTunes. But see, we just started our shit and we talk about AIDS and rape

like how the fuck you get on iTunes? You start talking about poop now. Well, there's nothing wrong with it. We're saying we didn't say, we didn't advocate rape, we didn't advocate rape. We didn't advocate anybody getting dragged away by their hair or mouth fucked. We're just like, it's real. It's a part of life.

It's an educational podcast. It's very much an educational podcast. I'm surprised we're in comedy. We're in the comedy section. Well, see, that's what, like, we didn't write in our description. Like, it's D-V-D-A-A-S-A, but we didn't write it's double vaginal, double anal, whatever. And so, you know, my manager's like, dude, you have a porn star on there and you have this fucking guy. Like, do you want ever to have non-porn star guests, like real guests on?

Oh, that's silly. You'll have normal guests. Well, we have this currency now. Like, for me, I haven't painted in a while. And, like, my paintings have gotten, have gone like you know like ridiculously expensive so I could paint yes to bribe them to come on yeah and also said last night she said she'll blow anyone who comes on our show really yeah and she was and she said it's like so like not joking like like yeah whatever that's that's beautiful see

that's what keeps hope alive. It's a good currency to have. You hear things like that. That is excellent currency. But people would go on your show anyway, period. Why would they not want to go on? I don't know. They don't want their career destroyed.

Oh, that's so silly. In this day and age, people are silly. They've got to relax. Just be who the fuck you are. Yeah. And especially in a podcast form is the best place for that because you get a chance to express yourself for hours. Definitely.

It's not like if you said something fucked up and then like, remember when Hugh Grant got blown by that hooker and got arrested and went on The Tonight Show and Jay Leno goes, what the hell were you thinking? Jay Leno does his famous line that brought The Tonight Show back. And when they have those shows and they talk about the history of the war between the Tonight Show and the David Letterman Show. That was the show that turned the tide. When Jay Leno looked at Hugh Grant and said,

what the hell were you thinking? Well, when he did that, that was like this tiny little conversation that only took place over a couple of minutes. Wouldn't you love to sit Hugh Grant down and give him a glass of wine and give him some weed and talk to him for hours? And go, like, how many hookers did you get?

You can tell me. Yeah, I mean. You and Elizabeth, whatever the fuck her name was, you're broken up. She was super hot. She was super hot. Like, one of the hottest chicks ever. Ever. And, like, even with that, you had to go out and get this strange new pussy.

Well, he got dirty street, too. Yeah, you needed that nasty. Yeah, he's a rich famous man if he wanted to he could this is before the internet you know I mean he could have gone to get out like LA Weekly and gotten a prostitute right right they always had that he wanted a dirty he wanted it he wanted to go street yeah I don't remember his ex-girlfriend she's so beautiful Elizabeth Hurley yeah early yes Hurley my reaction was I don't think she's nasty in bed.

Oh, you just got to... And probably lazy. Listen, probably lazy. Maybe lazy with Hugh Grant. Oh. I bet if the right dude gets a hold of her, she'll fuck the life out of you. Okay. Yeah.

Fair enough. Yeah, it's just you got to impress a girl like that. You got to fuck the shit out of her. Right. That girl's so pretty and she's famous. Yeah. You got to do a lot of work. So he's probably tired of doing all that work.

He wanted to pull over and just get his dick sucked in. Bitch, get in the car. Suck it. Get out. Here's your money. That's what he wanted. He wanted some crazy moment like the exact opposite of what it is at home. At home, he probably has to work for it, man.

She probably turns him down all the time. She probably argues with him. She probably challenges him. That's why I don't understand why you got married. Because you're like a free dude. You're like, I'm going to do comedy. I'm going to do UFC shit. I'm going to have my own podcast. It's like, that part of your life is so free. And then like,

I've done like everything I can to like, be married. You know, it's a lot. To not be married. Yeah, to not be married. And like, that's why it's a little bit. bit Well it's all about Finding the right person If you find the right person And you start having children

Having a child to me Is way more of a commitment You guys had the kid first Yeah Okay Having a child is way more So you suck at pulling out I suck at pulling out

Yeah a whole bit about it The first one wasn't planned The second one was planned Okay But yeah Marriage is preposterous. The idea is ridiculous. The idea that you're going to write some shit down and that someone is going to be legally entangled with you

and then you're going to have to sit in front of a bunch of other people. And when you want to break up with her, they have to decide how your money gets distributed. Yeah, that's crazy. And in your situation, it's a terrible idea because you've got a lot of money. Well, even before I had a lot of money, I never was into the idea of it.

Of course. It's stupid. It's a stupid idea. My wife likes it, so I did it because we have children. You wanted to make her happy. And it makes her happy. And I'm not going anywhere, man. I'm not going to be that guy. No dirty street hookers? None of that shit? I want to make a robot dirty street hooker

so it's not a real person you just came back from that yeah are they getting closer to making that you were at the AVN awards right yeah they had they had some fucked dolls

which is for non-fucked up people again the adult video news awards they had a lot of like kind of real doll technology there do they have one that like talks to you no

it's still kind of just like you're fucking a dead person well they had a Japanese, they had a Japanese robot. They had a Japanese robot that was fairly realistic. It wasn't a sexual robot, but it was a robot that would talk to you. For companionship. The lips moved fairly

realistically. We're going to get to a Blade Runner day. It's going to happen. We're getting there. It's on the way. It's 100%. I mean, if you look at the fact that the supercomputers that they had in the 1960s filled entire rooms, and they didn't have the power that your iPhone has. Right.

Just think about that, and think about these robots now, and what we're going to have 100 years from now, or 1,000 years from now. The Blade Runner thing is 100% inevitable. You're invited to the wedding with my first robot. You're going to marry a robot? Dude, they'll kill you. They'll kill you when they find out that you have an explanation date on them. Imagine if you bought super

hot robot hookers, and they have this implanted memory of their life with you, this perfect life with you, and how deeply, deeply, deeply in love with you they are. And then they realize that on year five, they die, because that's when you get tired of chicks and you want to bring in another one and program a new life into her brain

i like this sci-fi this is total real that's yeah that's that's 100 possible here's the other thing is like when you go to like a sex store or a porn convention like that and you see like the dildos that they have like this advanced dildo technology they have teledildonics or whatever it's like there's not a human dick that could do what these dildos do yeah they vibrate they rotate they go like this so i think last year right yeah last year was like the first year i went and i'm walking out and there's like a hard drive that looks like that and the guy's like come over here and i'm like no he's like come over he's like he's like he's like stick your finger in that in that computer right there And I'm like, no. He's like, come over here. It's not like a little kid. He's like, stick your finger in that computer right there.

And I'm like, no, I don't want to. And he's like, dude. There was no one else around. He's like, just stick your finger in that hard drive. And I was like, all right. And I stuck it in, and it was wet, and it was warm, and it was doing things a human vagina can never do. It was like, and I was like, I'm about to come out of my finger right now.

human vagina can never do it was like and i was like i'm about to come out of my finger right now and i was like just the same way girls who use a lot of dildos their pussies become desensitized like i was like if i buy this thing right now i'll never fucking leave the house again i'll fuck this little computer box and if they put it into one of these android things i mean there won't be a woman who has a vagina like tighter than that ever there was a there was a science fiction comic book that i read when i was a kid i'll never forget it was a heavy metal stuff or um it was something along those lines it was um it was uh whatever it was it was a black and white one and i remember it was a robot that started um the guy had a robot as uh you know like a slave or whatever, but the robot was very human-like

and very muscular and big, and the robot started fucking his wife. And then he went to stop the robot from fucking his wife, and the robot broke his arm. It was a really scary thing. This robot had this big, giant cock, and it was in the thing

that he was going to continue fighting. The robot was laughing as he was fucking his wife. The guy's thinking, what did I do? Holding his broken arm, which is all fucked up was laughing as he was fucking his wife. The guy's thinking, what did I do? Holding his broken arm which is all fucked up while this robot fucks his wife. That image really stuck into my head.

If we really do develop an artificial human being that thinks it's a human being and especially if we make them ridiculously strong, they're going to fuck your wife. And they're going to break your arm if you try to stop them. Here, get it right now.

They're not real. Get that website, Brian. Robot Cuckold. RobotCuckold.com. Robo Cuck. Robo Cuckold. Yeah, we're so desensitized. We need cuckolding.

We need mouth gagging. We need double anal, double vag. I mean, it's crazy. They already do that in Japan. These guys are into otaku. There's a crazy fan of a particular subject, like porn or whatever. Right. They're doing the ceremonial marriage thing with the robots and shit like that in Japan. Oh, really?

In Japan? Yes. Yes. My home country is weird. I get it. But yeah, they're doing that. It's really interesting. Like I said, I'm happy, but I

wouldn't recommend it. I wouldn't recommend it to other people. You found the right one. Yeah, but it's not common. Where did you meet her? I don't like to talk too much about it on the podcast, but the odds of finding somebody, the odds of finding somebody that you get along with as good as I get along with her, they're pretty slim.

I haven't found that many people in my whole life that I get along with like that. It's a compatibility thing because I'm not the right dude for a lot of chicks. And you're not the right dude for a lot of chicks. It's like you've got to find the one who's like, that's what I've been looking for. Well, I'm happy to hear that, man. Thank you. That's cool, man. Sweetie. It's good to be happy and it's the um the idea of being able to raise kids it was always like a real scary thing for me when i was younger like it was when i was in my 20s i thought of it as

like a burden that's all i thought of it as like oh my god imagine if i had a kid right now i'd be fucked right like i don't even like feeding my cat if i had a kid right now, I'd be fucked. I don't even like feeding my cat. If I had a kid, like Jesus Christ. But once you go through the experience and you become an adult, you kind of have a different perspective on just the idea of a finite lifetime and the idea of the concept of being able to raise a human from the very beginning

and educate them and expose them to different things along the way and communicate with them. How old were you when you had your first kid? The first biological kid, I was 40. See, so guys like you and Bourdain give me hope because I think Bourdain had his first kid. He was 50, I think, when he had his first kid.

It's easier to understand what's going on. If I was 21, If I got my girlfriend pregnant And I married her back then I might get so overwhelmed By the responsibility of it all And not being a The other thing is that I'm in a comfortable place In my life where I don't have to worry about shit

I don't worry about my job I've been working for the UFC for like 12 years now and then even more before. It's been 11 years but even more back in the day. It's like another two years from another owner. I've been doing it for so long. It's not something I worry about losing. So out of all this like out of all the things that you do and you used to do the Fear Factor, you do the UFC, you do your podcast and you do used to do the fear factor you do the ufc you do your podcast

and you do stand-up comedy like out of all these things like which is your passion that you is it all like i love everything or i really do love everything but i love all except fear factor i just i love the money from fear factor right that was it every now and then i loved it you know every now and then it was fun right it was fun when they were cool people you Right. It could be cool, but I wouldn't do it for free. Right, right. But I would do all the other shit for free. Because you love it. Yeah, it's all the other shit.

I don't think, oh, I'm just doing this for the money. Right. And doing something that you, like, the difference between, say, the UFC and Fear Factor was sometimes I would enjoy Fear Factor. Right. When I worked for the UFC, I always enjoyed it. Right. I mean, I like, what some people might think is a the UFC, I always enjoy it. I mean, I like...

Some people might think it's a boring fight I enjoy. Because anything can happen. It might be boring for a couple seconds, and the dude gets cracked, and it becomes the most exciting shit ever. I'm ready. I enjoy it. So the difference is... If you're doing something you're

only doing for the money, you're always going to have this feeling like, all right, just plow through this and do it for the money. But when you're doing something that you love, you eliminate that bad feeling. Well, that's the thing is when I watch those, I'm like, well, like when I hear you doing the announcing for UFC, I'm like, this guy sounds like he's super, super pumped right now.

Like, you know, it sounds like you're into it. So, and like, you're like, oh, when you're like referring back to fights from like 10 years earlier i'm like is there something in front of you showing those things you remember those no that's not only that i don't even do any research you just love this sport yeah yeah my uh my research can i do some trivia with you sure yeah all right so the first time bj penn fought george saint pierre was like in vegas 10 years ago or eight years ago? No, no. It was not long ago. It was probably 2006, I would guess.

I'm not – I mean I can't tell you the exact numbers, but I can tell you what happened in the fight. So who won that fight? Well, George won the fight. No, but who really – I thought BJ did more damage and all George did was take him down a couple of times in the later rounds. But BJ thumbed George in the eye. It was a very interesting fight. He thumbed George in the eye in the first round, in the right eye, and he had a cut.

And that really fucked with him. And that was the first time George had faced real serious adversity inside the cage. It's because it wasn't a thumb on purpose. People have to realize that because of the fact that thumbs aren't exposed, even with a legitimate punch, a total, which BJ's was, completely legitimate punch, oftentimes a thumb can go right into the eyeball. Right. And you could really fuck up a guy's vision from that. And it was just because BJ had cleaner striking back then. I mean, he fucking won the fight.

That's what I think. I think he won the fight, too. Because I believe he won. He did more damage. I think he won the fight too because I believe he won, he did more damage. And I think ultimately the Japanese had a better way of judging fights than the standard 10-point must system that we use, which is really like a boxing system. This is unbelievable. This is fucking crazy. It's just a real deal.

I mean, you watch how many fights, the fact that you remember that from the... Well, I've called at least a thousand. Jesus Christ. At least. It's been more than a thousand. You want to hear a funny story about that fight yeah sure so I just I was in the Congo and how many stories begin with that and I was there I was there for vice and I and I just came back to LA and I have a bit of a gambling problem and the way my gambling career, I guess, is set up is basically, yeah, 2006 or around that time, like six, seven years ago, when I was going there, I was going there every week and winning about $1,000.

And then I would stop. I could for sure go to Vegas and win, you and win between $800 and $1,000. And that was what I was doing for money. And then I would be painting on the side or whatever. And I would do that every week. So I came back from Africa. And I was going to fly to go or drive to go see my parents. I hadn't seen them in a few months.

And BJ was being sponsored by the clothing company Ruka. You know RVCA? Yeah, sure yeah sure yeah i know those guys so pat the owner is one of my best friends and he goes dave you got to take uh bj's the fight was the next day with george saint pierre and he said uh something with the logo was not big enough or something so he still had the pants he's like these pants need to get to to uh to bj in vegas and i said all right so send someone why do had the pants he's like these pants need to get to to uh to bj in vegas and i said all right so send someone why do i gotta go he's like because you fucking love vegas and i'm like dude i i'm still wearing the same clothes that i was wearing in congo for like two months like i i need to go shower i need to go see my parents he's like he's like dave and then

he passes me forty thousand dollars which was the most amount of cash I'd ever seen in my life. And he goes, you need to go put this on BJ to win. And I go, whoa, dude. He's like, you love to gamble. I trust you. He goes, go give BJ his pants. And, you know, go give BJ his pants and go put this money on BJ to win. Holy shit. And I was like, are you sure, dude?

And he's like, I was like, whoa, okay. So he gives me a clean shirt. It was just like a BJ Penn security shirt. You know, it said BJ Penn and then security on the back. So I take the red eye into Vegas. And sitting next to me in a Safeway plastic bag is BJ Penn's pants. And in my pocket is $40,000. And he goes, when you get to Vegas, go up to the penthouse.

BJ, it was at Mandalay Bay, I think. He goes, go to Mandalay Bay. And at this point, I knew BJ. I'm pretty good friends with him now, but I didn't know him that well back then. So I get there, and I go upstairs to his room. And, you know, he travels with his whole family. Then they, you know, they're usually, like, loud and fun. And I get upstairs to his room and you know he travels with his whole family then they you know they're usually like loud and fun and I get up to the room and uh I have I have his pants I go hey Pat told me to bring you your pants and he's like okay thanks and his brother Reagan's like

it just was like a weird vibe in the room and I was like what the fuck's going on dude he's like come over here he's like the guy in the next room over brought home a 21-year-old hooker, fucked her and strangled her, and then just dropped her in the hallway. Killed her? And killed her. She's dead. Whoa. And because she was dead in the hallway right in front of BJ's room,

they took BJ, even though they knew he didn't do it, they took him in for questioning that day. I'm freaking out. He's like, dude, BJ's been at the police station all day answering questions and he has this fight tomorrow night. I'm like, whoa. I run downstairs. I call Pat.

I'm like, Pat, BJ... This was the day of the weigh-ins or the day of the fight? The day before. The day before the weigh-ins. He day of the fight the day before the day before the weigh-in yeah so so he wasn't cutting any weight for that the day right before the fight the day right before the fight so the day of the weigh-ins yeah so i i don't know exactly because i just got there at midnight so i go downstairs i go pat are you sure you want me to put this money on him because he just came back from the police station he might not you know he might be a little fucked up he's like dude bj's a champ he doesn't he's gonna fucking smoke this guy and for a guy who's been to vegas like every week for you know i go there

every week for like the last 20 years i had never been to vegas where it felt like this before more hawaiians that had never left hawaiian were it you know this was like they weren't even like the main fight right but like george saint pierre is the hero of canada so there was all these fucking canadians in in vegas and then there was all these hawaiians in in vegas and it was just like a fuck fuck canada and like fuck hawaii like it was like i was playing cards and people would see my bj pencher and they go fuck bj pen fuck hawaii and then all these people would be like it was like electric like it was like crazy and i was like wow pat you want are you sure rude and then this is where i found out that uh a sports book is not actually part of the casino it's a separate entity that's like rents out so i went i said 40 grand on bj pen to win after i talked to pat i was

like hey are you sure you want me to put this money he's like bj is gonna kill this guy it doesn't matter he's he's he's got the heart of a champion i was like, hey, are you sure you want me to put this money? He's like, BJ's going to kill this guy. It doesn't matter. He's got the heart of a champion. I was like, all right. And I go in there. And the odds, if you don't remember, everyone already thought BJ was going to win. So if I put $40,000 on BJ to win, I would have only got back like $30,000, I think. And if I put $40,000 on St. Pierre, I would have got back like $70,000, I think.

So the odds were way in BJ Penn's favor. So they wouldn't even take a bet that big. So I was like, oh shit. So he's like, and they were, all the sports works were closing. So they're like, you have to do it the next day. So I was like, all right, I'm going to, I'll just go to strip club, I guess. So I go to strip club. And as soon as I walk in or get out of the car, a security guard sees me and he goes right this way, sir. And then he takes me to like this giant private room and I'm like, still smell like shit from Africa.

And I'm like, they just bring over the hottest strippers and then I'm like, what the fuck's going on? And I realize I'm wearing a BJ Penn security shirt. So they think BJ's coming.

They're like, when's BJ gonna come here? And all these security guards are like sucking my dick just like, BJ's the best. He's gonna win the fight tomorrow. And I was like, oh. So I'm like, I'm BJ going to come here? And all these security guards are like sucking my dick. They're just like, BJ's the best. He's going to win the fight tomorrow. And I was like, oh.

So I'm like, I'm going to take advantage of the situation. I'm like sitting there with my friend Harry. We're like, you know, getting lap dances, all this shit. And then I was like, fuck. They're going to at some point expect BJ to come here. So I sneak out the side. And then I don't think I slept that night. And the first, you i was i was i

was it was one of those nights where i stay at the strip club till like the sun comes up and then the next day um i start putting the the money down on on bj to win but it was like seven grand at like the you know the venetian and then like eight grand over here and i had to split it up a little bit right so i the i was like running around and i couldn't get the money spread out so i was only able to bet like 32 grand and i still had eight grand in cash on me and then the fight starts and like you said like it was just like you said like everyone the place is going nuts like it's going fucking insane. Like, everyone's like, fuck, like, Canada, fuck Hawaii. And it's like, and then the fight happens.

I'm like, oh, fuck, St. Pierre looks bloody first round. I'm like, this fight's done. Like, BJ won. And then St. Pierre's a smart fighter, so he, like, deflected a lot or whatever. And then when decision time came around, they gave it to St. Pierre by one point decision. And the place goes, and Pierre by one point, decision. And the place goes, and they started, like, screaming. Like, I couldn't believe it.

Like, I'm like, oh, my God, because I had my own money on the fight, too. He walks off stage. His brother's like, get him drunk right away. And then I don't know if you go out at all after the fights or whatever, but I've never seen Vegas this violent before in my life. Like, there was like street brawls inside casinos there was canadians beating up hawaiians hawaiians beating up like it was crazy i knew a hawaiian guy that put his house on you know up for the whole thing and yeah i mean it was insane people were going crazy i've never in all the years i've been in vegas i've never seen

like a situation like this where he bet his house on BJ? Yeah. I mean, it was fucking crazy. What do you win when you bet your house? I don't know. You win another house? I think you just put the value of it up. I don't know. I don't know the details of it. That's ridiculous.

So he lost his house. Yeah, so he lost his house. Yeah, you saw the fight. That guy's an idiot. That's an idiotic move. Yeah. I mean, especially when you know that the judging in mma judging in mma is so sketchy yeah i mean it was it was fucking crazy so

then um just as a side thing the girl that i was with for seven years and we had just broken up happened to be in vegas so i was having dinner with her after and i was telling her what's happening i was like dude i just lost 32 000 of my friend's money on this thing. And she's like, oh, and I was calling him and I was saying, hey, Pat, I still have eight grand of your money. Do you want me to gamble with it? And when you're 32 grand back and he's like, get your fucking ass back over here. Like he was so pissed off. And so I was just having dinner with her. And then he calls me back and he goes, you know what? I was, I was planning on winning the money or losing it. So go for it.

And I was like, you want, I can do this. And remember, I've only won a thousand dollars. That was like the most money I'd ever won. I never even had like 8,000 or 40,000. So I was like, shit, I'm going to walk into that high limit room for the first time in my life. So, but I'm talking with her and you know, like right after a long break, you've been together with someone for a long time and you break up. There's like that maybe you're still going to get together.

Yeah. So like, I'm like, fuck, I'm going to go gamble right now. And then in this situation, who the fuck was the guy? The Rush Hour guy. Chris Tucker. Oh, Chris Tucker. So Chris Tucker and like, you know, a posse of like 40 people like walk in. Then they start hitting on her right away.

Right when I got up. So I was like, fuck, I got to go win this money. But like Chris Tucker looks like he's going to. I was like sort of stuck. I was like, fuck, this motherfucker is hitting on my ex-girlfriend. And I was like, all right, I'm just going to run and do it. So I walked into the Venetian High Limit room for the first time. And then eight grand in like $1,000 chips is like, all right, I'm just going to run and do it. So I walked into the Venetian High Limit room for the first time and then eight grand in like $1,000 chips is like, you know,

it's like a little stack. And I split it up and I started playing like my system the way I play and I won about 36 grand within like 15 minutes. Whoa. And that fucked me up. It's like smoking weed your whole life and then doing cocaine, you know. So then I called him. I was like, hey, Pat, I'm up to 36. You want me to win the last?

He's like, get your fucking ass back to Costa Mesa right now. I was like, all right, all right, all right. I was like, I really think I can win the whole 40. He's like, stop, stop right now. So I stopped. And then, yeah, I mean, I sort of blame basically BJ for my gambling problem because after that after that moment i could never go to vegas again and just win a thousand i had to like win at least 20 grand is it because

of the rush you can't go backwards you know right like i'm like i just won 36 grand with this guy's money why can i win it with my own money right so and i didn't have that kind of money to gamble with so i you know i like took a loan out to do it. You took a loan out and then you started gambling? I was very confident that I could do it. Wow. Yeah. And how did that work out? I made a small fortune doing that.

Really? Yeah, I can't play at most of the casinos in Vegas. What do you play? I play every table game. Poker, I don't really play so much. I play for fun and like now like sometimes they invite me to like celebrity poker things. I beat actually all the UFC

guys. I beat Chuck Liddell. I beat uh um fuck I can't think of the guy's name right now. What is it about why are you so good at this? Why are you so good at card games? Um I think to answer your question I think it's because I'm really good at this? Why are you so good at card games? I think, to answer your question, I think it's because I'm really good at also pulling out.

You know? No, I'm not even joking. I'm really awesome at it. People are like, the amount of fucking you do, the fact that you haven't got a girl pregnant right now, I'm like, because I'm extremely disciplined. And I knew that. Gambling, sex, drinking, anything that is enjoyable becomes an addiction, right?

It can be. Because you cannot stop. Because you enjoy it. If you're an addict. You want to keep doing it. And you can't stop. Okay. And then you're like in like an AA thing going, I don't know.

I just went into the bar to have one drink. And the next thing you know. And that's everyone's Vegas story, right? Right. They're like like i was up and then like that's that's why vegas is there because no one ever so you're the type of person that actually can stop i i know that i can't stop so i hire someone to come with me to physically make me stop really yeah and i've been doing that since i was uh 15 you've hired someone to come gamble with you since you were 15? I have a, no, not, from 15 to 23, I consistently lost every paycheck that, you know, and I

would be going back from Vegas with that. I don't understand, like, I worked at Toys R Us for two months, I made a couple hundred dollars, and I was like, I went to Vegas, and I doubled it, but now I'm leaving with nothing. Like, it was that, like, I had it, but why Vegas and I doubled it but now I'm leaving with nothing like it was that like I had it right but why didn't I leave with it nobody leaves with it and it was just baffling I was like you can come to Vegas and win people win money here but nobody ever leaves with it what is that what the fuck is that and it's like the same thing as an alcoholic who's like

I had a nice buzz going why did i have to take it to the point where i like blacked out and was puking it's like because you can't stop so i was like if i can pinpoint if i can know about myself and be honest with myself that i definitely cannot stop why don't i just hire someone to stop me i tell them look when i get to this number stop me and if i keep going grab me by my throat pick me up and so i developed this whole system of like you know pulling out and it and it's uh it worked for a long time and it actually it helped like in every aspect of my life like so do you have this guy with you everywhere you go well I I did for a

long time you know he's like let hold on let me check your balls you're not ready to come yet no he was awesome he's a Harry Kim he was like my partner we hitchhiked around the whole world together we did a show on vice where we hitchhiked from like LA to Miami T wanted Alaska Beijing to Hong Kong holy shit yeah so yeah film the show doing it we filmed the show doing it and it's Miami, Tijuana to Alaska, Beijing to Hong Kong. Holy shit. So, yeah. And you filmed a show doing it? We filmed a show doing it, and it's called Thumbs Up. And, yeah, I mean.

When did, what year did you do this? This was years ago. We probably did the first one seven years ago. Wow. Yeah. So, yeah, to answer your question, yeah, I did bring him everywhere with me. And doing that allowed the both of us to like actually never grow up you know because we're like hey let's keep fucking let's keep the party going like okay let's just go to vegas and win

20 grand and we would do it and you know that's that's around the time we met you right and joe harry's great he's like caddy wouldn't you say like he'll he help you right and i'll be watching him gamble and i don't have a stomach for it like there's times they'll be losing a thousand like five thousand ten thousand like i i just had to walk away but harry's so disciplined and um he gives them good advice and they they worked as a team so i leave a couple hours later they'll come back they'll just pull hundreds of you know just bills on bed so how does that work they tell you You can't come And play in the casino anymore It's not like Your band

But they definitely Let you know You're not welcome anymore What the fuck? Like they make All kinds of things Uncomfortable for you Like how?

Like a casino That is welcoming to me Like And I'm not like Some weird Like math genius Or anything My method

Like I could explain to you Right now how to pull out, right? Okay. Like you fuck a girl and when it feels good, you just pull out. Like way before you're going to come, you know? So I could sit here and like the shit with me gambling is super simple. And I actually haven't gambled in a long time because I don't need to anymore. But basically, I could explain it to you. But to actually do it, it's almost impossible.

And I know that, too. That's why I have Harry with me. And it's like, if you go to Vegas right now, because of card counting, because of all these math nerds and shit, Blackjack, the most maximum bet you could ever bet on Blackjack is $25,000. So that's... A hand? Yeah. That's to restrict you from...

Going crazy? From playing progressive. You know? Like, basically progressive is if you bet and you lose, you just double it each time. So you can just keep doubling forever if you have the bankroll

and you'll never lose. Right. I bet $10, I lose it. And then once you get it back, you're out. Then you start over at $10 again And they get you They have a cap

So you're always ahead But I got to a point The Vegas stories I got They're just unreal I got to a point where they got rid of that for me They would let me bet whatever I want I was betting like a quarter million a hand on Blackjack What?

Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. What does that feel like in your hands, in your feet, in your spinal cord? It's the shemale of gambling. It's like you've done everything. You've done everything. Oh, my God. And nothing works anymore.

You're like, you've done everything. You've done anal. You've gotten the blowjob, you know. Ass to mouth. You've done ass to mouth. You've got the AIDS. You've got everything. You have to eat a plate of shit.

And now you're like, I have like. I'm going to have to eat shit. And it's been, and it was progressive. It was like, you know, every time I went to Vegas, I would win a thousand dollars. Then every time I went to Vegas, I won 20 grand. And then, so your brain goes, well, why couldn't you do it with the same style but with more money? And as long as the casinos kept letting me raise the max bet, I could keep pushing it harder and harder. You right now are creating gambling addicts.

They're listening to this like, this guy's smart. I'm smart too. I'm going to go out and make a living gambling. Fuck working here. You have to risk everything. You have to risk everything. You're ready. You might have to risk everything you worked for your whole life so that you can win your...

You can't pussy out. If you're going to go for it, then you have to pull the trigger. So how do you change the odds? The odds are that the casino wins 51% of the time, right? Or plus? Is it plus? You're not going to take down Vegas. What are you going to do then?

You're going to just stick the tip in and get a little bit. And then bail. And then do it again. It's like Vegas is Goliath. And you're this tiny little speck. And you're just taking little nicks out of it. You're not trying to take the house down. How do you keep doing it, though? How do you keep putting it on the positive side i still don't understand how you overcome the 51 is the 51 a mathematical thing

because they're dealing i mean what is the 51 whatever the number is if people aren't correcting it's it's the house yeah it's something like that's always, but it's pretty much 50-50, right? Baccarat is, I think, the best odds of any game because... Which one's that? Which one's that game? Baccarat is like you're trying to get to natural nine. A natural nine. Baccarat is like one of the stupidest games ever. It's what James Bond plays.

That motherfucker. It's the game where when you walk past, it's always Chinese people writing numbers down and screaming and tearing up the cards. But basically, it looks the most complicated, but it's like the same thing as them flipping a coin. Like there's nothing you can do. You can't hit. You can't stay. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

You could bet house or you can bet banker. So it's the closest to like a 50-50 kind of bet you can bet. And so basically, like I said, you bet progressive kind of bet you can you can bet and so basically like i said you bet progressive every time you lose you just double it and the second you win it you just go upstairs lock it up and you just do that a couple times and then you leave and you'll win every time jesus christ you don't sit there and you go oh i'm trying to like... Right. And you leave when the feeling is the best. Like breaking it down to sex again. Is the best feeling after you cum?

Because after you cum, you just want to go to sleep. The best feeling is like when you're about to cum. You feel it cumming, you know? I guess cumming actually is... I don't know. Cumming's overrated. Depends on if someone's rubbing your balls or not. Yeah. Cumming's overrated? I think so if someone's rubbing your balls or not. Yeah.

Cumming's overrated? I think so. Well, it's because you're pulling out all the time. Yeah, that's probably true. When you're shooting loads and chicks, it's 100 times better. It is. Like, that's why everybody, remember when you were young and you were psyched when your girlfriend was on the pill?

You're like, oh, yeah, no condos, boom, blast inside of her. It's the greatest feeling of all time. It's so much better than pulling out. Yeah, that's true. It's true. I'm so psyched that you fucking have this unbelievable recall with these fights. BJ won that fucking fight, man. Yeah, well, it was very close, though.

You know, the real problem is in judging. There's an issue in judging. There's also an issue in the way they're scoring fights. It's a 10-point must system. It's like, what's a in the way their scoring fights, a 10 point must system it's like what's a 10-8 round, what's a 10-7 round I mean is it about damage is it about knockdowns, is it about

ground control, is it about submission attempts I just hate Canada, that's why I was like Canada's awesome man how could you say that? We're both banned from there Canada's fucking amazing it's so fun. Me and Yoshi both can't go to Canada or Japan. Well, you're both fucked.

Because I'll tell you what, Canada is the shit. I'm going to Montreal in March. What are you talking about? I love it. Well, they talk a little odd, but they're the nicest people on earth. That's for sure. I love it up there, man. I'm getting booked.

I think I'm doing Vancouver in March, boo-boo. So hang on. Hang on to your hats. I had a whole group of Canadians last night at a show. Yeah, Canadians are the shit, man. If I left America, I would move to Canada for sure. I would move to Vancouver. If I was not going to live in America, I'd either live in Hawaii or Vancouver.

I'd go to Hawaii. Yeah, because Hawaii is not really America. No. America might own that shit. No, it's its own thing. It's bullshit. It's Hawaiian. I mean, it's just under the umbrella of protection.

That is not America. That's Hawaii. That's why a lot of white people go over there and have real problems. Because they sort of try to treat it like it's the rest of America. Right, right. Instead of treating it like you're moving to a foreign island. Nah, it's its own nation, man. They got their own shit going on over there.

It should be. It should be. It should be like we have cousin nations, like Puerto Rico. Yeah. Puerto Rico is like, have cousin nations, like Puerto Rico. Yeah. Puerto Rico is like, yeah. Are you planning an exodus out of here? I tried a while ago, man. Where were you going to go?

I moved to Colorado. I got a house. I leased it instead of buying it. Just to check it out? My business manager was like, let's just lease this place. Just check it out for a little bit. Save your money, kid. Right.

Save it for a rainy day. I'm like, let's buy a house in the mountains. So it was on the top of a mountain my dog got eaten by a mountain lion whoa yeah that became a bit my act and if you're playing the podcast drinking game drink it became a bit my act but it really was true i really did see a mountain lion in my yard i i was on uh it was a huge piece of land on the top of um the mountain above boulder you're gonna solve a lot of problems for me right now it's beautiful when was this beautiful it was um well my daughter my second daughter was conceived up there so it was about three years ago because i have the i have that fantasy of like fuck la fuck the traffic fuck this i just got to get away but then i realized

i fucking hate nature i have i don't know how well here's the thing i don't know to kill a mountain lion mountain the the nature is not the issue the issue is you have to understand where you're at you have to understand your environment and you have to have the resources to make your environment compatible to you right you have those resources you're not like a regular person living in the mountain riding a donkey to work every day okay so you've got some cash you could hire someone to plow your fucking driveway you could hire someone to uh put motion detector lights on so if there's mountain lions creeping in your backyard the lights hit them and they run away right you could you could protect yourself so then what happened with you why did you my wife got pregnant and And when you're up in the mountains, it's extremely high altitude.

We were at 8,600 feet above sea level. And it's hard walking up a flight of stairs. And when you get pregnant, it's actually dangerous. It's dangerous to the fetus. It's not good. So you're like, fuck it. You got to get out of there. And yeah, and she's not so good at driving in snow.

Would you go back now? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. I would live in maybe the city of Boulder. I think the city of Boulder is a better move. What was it? Right in the foothills. Are you from LA originally?

No. I was born in New Jersey and I grew up most of my life in Boston. Okay. So what is it? You're just done with LA? No. It's just that I love LA. There's a lot of LA that I love.

Here's what I love about LA. I think the coolest fucking human beings I've ever met in my life live here. Right. You know? Oh, thanks. I mean, I just met you today, but I think you're pretty badass. Thanks, Joe. Yoshi's cool as fuck.

These two guys are okay. All my friends live here, except for Stan Hope. All my favorite comedians live here. Yeah. You know, Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir and Duncan Trussell and Eddie Bravo. I know so many people in LA that I love. This is where my family is. It's not just where my family of

people that I live with. It's my family of humans that I love. They're all in LA. However, this is a stupid place to stay. If we can get all the people that I love and everybody was like, listen, I love you, you love me, let's get the fuck out of here why do we have to be in a place

with 20 million people on the fucking highway and there's nothing cool to look at the beautiful thing about Colorado to me was the natural beauty and that to me is like, it gives me a feeling that like your artwork is awesome, I love your artwork it's beautiful, you're very talented

you're very expressive you talking to you as a human being I love your artwork. It's beautiful. You're very talented. You're very expressive. Talking to you as a human being. I love when I meet someone and they're intelligent and you can see that intelligence expressed in a form of art. Thanks, man. That's why people love art. People love art because I can't

play music. I don't know anything about how to play any instrument at all. So I love music. Because don't know anything about how to play any instrument at all. So I love music. Right. Because to me, it's like something I can't do. So I watch it. I'm like, ah, it's amazing.

And it's so inspirational, exciting. And I can take it in almost as an infantile level. What does that say about Yoshi that he doesn't listen to music? Neither does Doug Stanhope. And I love him to death. I love both of them. It's a weird thing. Whatever.

It's life. By the way, Joe. My point was, but let me just finish, go full circle with this, is that in Colorado, the natural beauty is so astounding that everywhere you look, you're like, oh. Right. There was this place that we used to drive. We would go up to this area called Nederland, and you drive through the mountains to get there.

And as you're driving through the mountains, you can't even believe you're allowed to be here. You're just seeing these snow-covered peaks and these giant drop-offs and fucking trees everywhere. And it's just majestic. And the clouds float overhead. And you realize this is God's country. You are witnessing the impact of your environment is substantial. It's the idea that we should only measure things that you can fucking put on a scale.

What you're not counting in is the visual benefit you get from seeing art. That's why people buy art. They love art. They love having it there. There's also art in nature. And that's reality. If you live in a place that's boring as fuck to look at It's not inspirational

But when you're in Colorado And you're driving up Sunshine Canyon Somebody loves Colorado You're just driving around these fucking trees and mountains The same thing can be said about Northern California If you go to Humboldt Drive around Humboldt Drive around where the Sequoia National Forest is

Where they have these giant redwood trees. And you're just like, God damn. Like Tahoe, go to Tahoe. See the fucking mountains. Look at all those trees and look at the giant lake and just you take it in. I love Colorado and every spot you just named, I love it too.

Like it's, yeah, it's fucking breathtaking. It's beautiful. Except it's just too white for two whites you know god damn there's a lot of white people if you had a dance contest in colorado they would call it off it's just in the middle of the night they would say no one wins it's just completely like it just makes me i guess a little bit uncomfortable yeah you know no i could totally understand that. That's why I think Hawaii has got the natural beauty

and it's diverse enough where... That's a good point. You know. And, yeah, that's a good point. I could see that. The only problem with Hawaii is it's locked.

It's just like a small... Yeah, yeah. It's a small piece of land. There's not a lot of... And volcanoes and... Dude, the volcanoes are an issue only on the Big Island, really. I mean, look, a volcano

The real volcano issue is Yellowstone And if that motherfucker goes You're better off being on Hawaii than you are in California Right So then it was essentially the pregnancy That got you out of Colorado Yes Well, I don't know, man

You get sick of it? No, see, I grew up in Boston My formative years From from 13 to 24. Right. And I had a newspaper route when I was a kid, when I had a car. Right. When I was fighting in Taekwondo tournaments, all I did was deliver newspapers in the morning and then teach in the afternoon and then compete.

So I drove every day. Right. So I drove in a lot of snow. Right. So for me, driving in snow was just second just nature i knew how to handle that shit i knew i knew what it's like to get stuck i got stuck every year right you know it didn't freak me out i've walked miles home because my car was in a ditch you know because it spun out on the highway i've done i did all that shit right and when you grow up in a place like massachusetts you you experience that fucking ruthless weather, and you just accept it.

So that 10 plus years of my life is in my brain, and I just pull that cartridge out and shove it in there. But my wife is from Texas, and she's never driven in snow before, and all of a sudden she's like, ah! And she doesn't know what the fuck to do when the ass end goes right. I know you've got to spin into that shit. You got to, I know how to balance a car when it starts to slide. And even then, you got to accept the fact that you can't deal with black eyes.

You hit black eyes, you're going to crash. Right. I have all these things in my head. Right. But to a person who's never grown up in cold weather, that's a terrifying variable that you've just added to the equation. What, the black eyes The fact that you could freeze to death. The black guys get really angry when you

try to hit them? The black guys get angry? Oh, black ice. Black ice! Did you think I said black ice? Is that what you thought I said? You've never driven on a road and it rained and it turned into black ice? That's hilarious!

I was like, Joe's trying to hit black guys in Colorado. Have you ever driven on black ice? No, I've not. It's the most terrifying shit ever. You're driving and then all of a sudden the road goes out from under you and you start spinning. Have you ever driven on a northern road in the winter?

Fucking dang. Well, that's the thing, man. That's why I was saying I have this fantasy of fucking LA and then these visions of this post-apocalyptic just riots and fires. And I'm like, just get out. And then I realize I don't know shit about wilderness and nature and driving. But you could learn. You could learn all that shit. You could learn all that shit.

The driving in the snow is difficult, but people have done it. They've moved from California. A lot of people moved from California to Boulder after the 94 earthquake. 93 earthquake? Yeah, that's about right. Whatever it was.

That big earthquake, the Northridge earthquake. I think your instinct is to go colder mountainous, and I think mine would be to go South America. Growing up in Boston, there's something that I appreciate about cold weather because it gives you a certain respect for the possibilities that Mother Nature can throw at you on a regular basis.

And it sounds ridiculous to want to put yourself through that. And when I was young, I mostly was a person who sought comfort. So I wanted to get out of the snow and get out of all that as much as possible and find a nice place so I could take a nap. But as I've got older, I realized that that's one of the things that sort of steals you as a human being, is overcoming adversity and dealing with difficult situations. And that I think it's good to know that winter's coming.

Do you like traveling overseas? Yeah, I don't mind it. I don't like plane flights. I love going to different cultures. The plane flights are just such a motherfucker. But I love being in any new cultures. It's so interesting to me that people can develop on the same planet in different areas geographically and have completely different sets of values and ideals.

And I love comparing their takes on family and politics. It's fascinating to me. Endlessly fascinating to me that we can all exist in 2013 but be very, very, very different. That's why Ensign on the podcast last night

was talking a lot about Japan. We were talking about Japanese culture and why he loves it so much and the Japanese people and how well they responded to the Fukushima incident. All those people orderly in line waiting for aid. It's so crazy. It's crazy.

Japanese are the only ones in all of Asia that will wait in line. So disciplined Everyone else is like Because there's a social contract With everyone Yeah You know

And I'm not saying That our culture sucks And their culture is better I'm not saying that I mean And people get real nationalistic And really A lot of people

Have gotten upset with me About a lot of the things That I've said about America On the podcast And they say a lot Silly shit Fuck Canada I'm not saying I'm not i don't

believe i believe in i believe in humans i believe in the concepts of of nations and in that sense i love the concept of america more than any nation in the world other than the military industrial compressor acts i don't know remember that when the earthquake was 93 94 but people surprised me they were helping each other in Oakland. I mean, they were amazing. The people who usually don't like each other, they set that shit aside, and they were helping each other.

I was listening to a lecture on this. You want to hear something funny about the complexities of human behavior and emotions? It's like when people are like, hey, how come is it possible? Can we not be happy and sad at the same time, right? Yeah. So the earthquake happened, right? Yeah.

And it just shook the shit out of my house. Like my cousin almost got flattened by like this giant dresser. Right. And I lived on the street with a lot of old people. So me and my brother went and we went around the block helping all these old people turn off their gas lines so that they're there was an old couple trying to find their gas line with with a lighter on and so so we went around the whole block and we with the flashlight and we made sure everyone had their gas line off so that you know the neighborhood wouldn't explode and then after that then we went looting i'm on your team fuck it that's what insurance is for i'm on your team

fuck it that's what insurance is for I'm on your team you did the right thing for humanity and you took advantage of a disenfranchised situation

you found yourself in because of the inequities of the situation that the the different system that's what we operate under right now I didn't know that

yeah we gotta make sure everyone's alright everyone in the neighborhood's cool and then go get some fucking... The inequities of the situation you find yourself in forced you to drastic actions. There's nothing wrong with what you did. You did the right thing, humanly,

humanitarian-wise with your friends. Good for you, man. I was listening to a lecture on this very subject today on the way over here, just coincidentally, completely coincidentally, and the guy was saying that one of the issues that we have with modern culture and the attitude of modern society

when you watch the Kardashian show or you watch nonsensical bullshit on TV, you immerse yourself in the sort of culture of gossip, the reason for that is because we are in a situation where we have a massive abundance of resources yeah where everyone can get gas on every corner and you can go to a store of choice even if you're poor you can afford fatty foods right so that that that that lack of need for character and lack of need for any sort of real drastic effort to overcome your environment like everybody else all over the world allows us to get really

fucking cunty right and really stupid and soft and lazy because we only have to do as much work as we you know we need to survive but when survival is easy then your brain is left to fucking dwell on stupid shit like the Kardashians or like you know who wore this dress better or what why is this guy have a car like that and I got this piece of shit you know I call it the toilet paper situation so going back to the Congo when I was in the Congo I realized a lot of places they don't have toilet paper like even in like just public restrooms

and stuff and for those who don't know i i need to shit a lot you know those who don't know like i need to shit all the time and especially in a country like that where shit is definitely coming i need so i went to their version of a supermarket which was just sparse they had nothing and i was like i need in the congo in the supermarket well in brosville the city part before i went into the jungle so i went in, and you go to the section, and you go, where's the toilet paper? And there's the toilet paper. It's just there. And then you're like, okay, it's just a thing of toilet paper, and you buy it.

And then reflecting later on when I'm here, and I go to Ralph's, and I'm standing in the aisle of the toilet paper, there's like 50 different brands. It's two-ply, four-ply, quilted, scented, unscented, and you're just sitting there, and I'm like, which one should I get? Like, which one will feel the best on my asshole lips? And then the next thing you realize, you're like, I just spent like 10 minutes thinking about something

that most people never have to think about. And then you have all this extra time. Well, that's why people look down on Americans. They look down on Americans because we're supposedly at the peak of the abundance pyramid. We're the most ridiculous as far as our consumption and our attitude towards consumerism

and material possessions that we eclipse. We eclipse the rest of the world in our ridiculousness. And then, as evidence of that, we provide to this reality television culture that has sweeped the nation. And it's just more and more ridiculous attention focused on people that are completely undeserving of it.

And, well, why is that coming from America? Well, most likely, because we're the ones with the most guns. We're the biggest bullies. We're the ones who control them. The military aspect of the majority of the country, the majority of the world, rather. And because of that, the people that sit here

in the balls of the dick that's fucking the world, we're weak. We're soft. We're weak bitches. That's why we appreciate character. We appreciate when someone... We appreciate Survivorman, which used to be like everyday life 100 years ago.

We appreciate the idea that, oh, he goes to the fucking jungle for seven days. People live in the jungle all year round. That's their life. We are so weak that a day without food is, what did you do? That's most of the world. There's many days where you're not going to find something to eat,

and you're going to get desperate, and then you're going to get some ingenuity together to find something to fucking eat. And that's how people survive to get this far along the evolutionary food chain in the first place. Right. Yoshi, with your ass eating. The reason why you're eating ass is because you don't have to go out there

and fish for a living. Yeah, I mean, Yoshi loves salad, you know? If you were out there catching salmon all day to try to feed your family in Alaska. I need to eat a soup plantation. I got pasta salad. All-you-can-eat pasta salad. My favorite in person is.

I watch those shows in Alaska where they build fish wheels. All these shows where these people live in Alaska, and they just live off the land. Most of them don't have any jobs. They're just hunting, farming, and catching fish, and then they huddle in for the winter. Well, they developed this thing called a fish wheel,

and they make it out of logs, and it's this huge net-like thing that just spins with the current. And it keeps rolling. And as it rolls, it just scoops fish out of the water and drops them into a bucket. It's really wild. And it's ingenious. Because they invented this up there independently in Alaska hundreds of years ago. Who knows when the invention of the fish wheel was?

It might have been decades. Whatever. What the fuck do I know? Have you been out there? Alaskan historian? No. But I'm going there with Ari Shafir. We're going there this spring.

Dude, check this out, Joe. Settle down, Anchorage. We're on our way. We're figuring out how to do this. We're going to do this on the day where you guys have the most salmon. Whatever that part of the year is, because Ari and I are going to do one show and then go salmon fishing. Definitely figure out when that fishing season is or when it's close to the end yeah because that trip the vice show the

thumbs up when i hitchhiked from tijuana to alaska when we got to alaska this do you think that they would have hot strippers in alaska no i would assume that if i was a stripper okay and i wanted to make some real money and if i was ambitious i would fly to where there's no chicks and that's where Alaska is. This is what happens in Alaska. Ruthless bitches. These girls, these ruthless bitches that are smart and ambitious. And willing to go to a place where you can freeze to death. You know these guys, they go out on the boats for months, right?

Yeah. And then they catch all these like crazy fish and crab and whatever. And then they come back and they get paid like 20 grand cash or whatever. And then what do they do? They go straight to the strip club. So these girls, they figured out to go to a strip club in Anchorage or whatever. And so when I went, the chicks are like the hottest chicks ever. And none of them are from Alaska.

They just flew in for fishing season. Fucking mercenaries. Goddamn mercenaries goddamn mercenaries Love it. I love that's human ingenuity man. Yeah, that's figuring out the fish wheel right these bitches invented a fish wheel They're like why are we wasting our time in Bismarck, South Dakota? We can't make a nickel when you can fly to Alaska and these motherfuckers have money and they're horny as shit Right and just go how many of those girls turn tricks? I have no idea. They probably don't have to.

Yeah, I mean, these guys are like, they've just been around fish and other men on a little tiny boat for like months. Even with jeans on, they probably shoot right in the pants. Yeah, they got those slickers on and they're shooting pants through like thick rubber and whatever. I couldn't imagine what it's like to be on a boat for months with a bunch of dudes unless you were gay. Gay for the stay. But the idea of no sex at all for months and months at a time. Why am I doing this? Oh, because I'm going to catch crabs. Get the fuck out of here.

I'm not catching crabs. I don't have that kind of time. Hey, Joe, let me ask you. I was watching the DMT experience on Netflix and you were the dmt the spirit molecule yeah yeah so you've done it before oh yeah like are you done with it or you keep doing it um the real problem with that discussion okay is that dmt is i did it for the first time last year incredibly illegal and when you start talking about continuing to do it oh right then people go where are you getting this right right right if anybody finds anybody

well it just became illegal right no it's been illegal for it was made illegal in the sweeping act of i think it was 1970 in the psychedelics act but what's interesting is that 5-MeO DMT, which is just as powerful, I think gram for gram it's more potent than NN dimethyltryptamine. DMT is dimethyltryptamine. This 5-MeO shit used to be legal. We used to buy it on the internet. You used to be able to buy like a bucket of it. It wasn't that much.

And you only need like a pinch of that stuff, and you get blasted to the center of the universe yeah so while marijuana was illegal or a good order DMT online right like the first time I did DMT I did 5me oh and I did it with a bunch of friends and one of them ordered it online he ordered it Wow he brought it over my house and he had like a fucking container of this shit we're like where'd you get this? He goes, I got it online.

You can just buy it online? Is it real? He smoked it and got blasted to the center of the universe. I was like, okay, am I next? We all sat around on my couch, and I had a remote control for the lights. We would hit it, and then there was four of us in the room. We would hit it, and then when the guy took a hit, boom, I would hit the lights, and the lights would go off, and then 10 minutes later, the next dude would hit it.

Whoa. It was pretty intense. It was a really unique experience. How long does it last? No more than like 10 minutes. That's sad. Yeah. Five minutes. You ever did the ayahuasca?

No, I have not done that, but I'm going with, well, we've made plans to go. Dennis McKenna wants to take me. You should take this guy with you. I'll take Yosh. Do you want to go, Yosh? Dave did it. Would you do it, Yosh? If you go out, we'll do it.

Okay. Will you let us film it all? Will you want to be with us? We'll film it? Yes, please. You can be a part of it. It'll be fun. Joe, I had never done drugs my entire life.

I'm 36. I'd never done it in my life. Do you want to come with us? Where are you going to go? I don't know. We're going to go. I think we're going to go to Peru. i went to colombia to do it yeah and the the selling point for me was the guy that was like my therapist at the time was like he's like i could tell you're

like you'll have a very short attention span you get like you know bored with things very easily like you know we could make some progress with you just through like normal therapy and these kinds of things over the course of years. Or you can have 10 years of psychotherapy in one night where you experience like all these things. And I was like, yeah, what is that? And he told me it was ayahuasca. So then I went to do it in the jungle in Colombia with him. And it was exactly that.

I mean, it was like completely like life changing and therapeutic. And ayahuasca is a wholly active. And it lasted hours. Yeah. You know, it was like completely like life-changing and therapeutic. Ayahuasca is a wholly active. And it lasted hours. Yeah. You know, it lasted like, well, I had never done anything, so it lasted for me more than any of the other people there. But, yeah, I mean, fuck. If you took Yoshi, all this fucking darkness inside of him,

maybe it would cure his AIDS. Well, you know, I know Yoshi. I think Yoshi is a beautiful person yoshi is a beautiful person he is a beautiful person he had uh some bad circumstances as a young man yeah and he reacted to those circumstances but outside of that he's a great guy no he's a great when i when i see yoshi i see a guy who was born into a situation that he had no control over and he reacted accordingly. Right. The idea of ayahuasca being like a one-day fix-it is kind of tricky because it might not fix you. It might just freak you the fuck out and bring you back to the drawing board

and cause psychological instability. Joe, I'm really dumb. Can you explain to me? I don't know exactly what it is. Okay. DMT is dimethyltryptamine, and it's produced in a bunch of different organs. We know the liver produces it, the lungs produce it.

Yeah, it's in everything. They believe it's also produced by the brain in a gland called the pineal gland. The evidence for that is disputed. It's kind of more anecdotal than anything. But in Eastern mysticism, all of the images of the third eye, that is the pineal gland. If you see all these different deities with the glowing third eye, that's the pineal gland.

It's the chemical, I think they say, is produced when you dream, and then when you're born, and when you die. Well, during heavy REM sleep, they believe your brain produces more of it, and they also believe that it might be responsible for alien abductions. There's a lot of theories about that, because DMT is produced during REM sleep, and most of the alien abduction experiences occur at night and the idea is well you're saying these people are

dreaming but they know it really happened no I'm saying it doesn't mean either or just because they're having these crazy fucked up experiences doesn't mean that crazy fucked up experiences doesn't mean that crazy, fucked up experiences isn't a reality. Right. It just might be an ethereal reality in some alternative dimension that's only accessible through chemicals. And that is a possibility. The possibility that everything you experience, look, even if you experience a dream that's profound, it's still an experience.

Right. What is happening in that dream that becomes so profound that you sort of see things in a different way? You're having some sort of an experience. You're taking in information. There's unique ones and zeros that are entering into your mind that are allowing you to form a new version of the world. Well, when the drug experience under DMT, which is, again, the quicker acting form of ayahuasca, the active contents of ayahuasca,

whatever that is, is a very potent experience. You're experiencing it. Whether it's real or not, it's silly to judge. The idea that you can't hit it with a hammer so it's not real, you can't put it on a scale so it's not real, you can't measure it with a ruler. That, to me, is why it was life-changing, because I could have a dream, and I'll be like, oh oh i felt like i just dreamt yeah that i flew right yeah but like joe's saying this thing makes you actually feel like you had just flown like like so ayahuasca make it's the

same thing well you know it's like people say well it wasn't real it doesn't matter it's exactly the same as if it was real Let's be very scientific here Let's say You were having a hallucination And that hallucination lasted One hour and in that one hour This chemical Perturbed your normal sense

Of visual stimulation And input to the mind And it gave you a distorted perception of reality And then let's say, so let's say that's option A, and then let's say option B is you took magic fairy dust that brought you to an enchanted land

that couldn't have possibly been accessed without it, and in that world, you communicated with impossibly intelligent entities that broke down the universe for you in a way that you could understand in your brief time there. And then let's look at those two things and say, regardless of which one is true, they both achieve the exact same result. You have the exact same experience. That was fantastic. Whether it's perturbing your sense of visual input to the mind, or whether it's you really go to a magic fairyland and communicate with God,

the same thing happens. You can make noises with your mouth and use the cultural context of written language and historical reference to sort of put it in a position where you can explain it to a group of people that are not going to make fun of you. But the reality of it is, all culture aside, all language aside, all preconceived notions aside, you're having the same fucking experience. So was it life-changing for you then? I got a tattoo on my arm. That's a DMT molecule right there.

Aside from the tattoo, was it life-changing? Yeah, it changed the way I look at the whole universe. Yeah, me too. I sort of understand um after i mean i understand first of all that i don't really understand any of it right but i understood after i did it that um my whole idea of the world that i had used as a reference that i'd use is like this is this this is that, and this is the banking system, and this is the government, and this is... It became ridiculous. It all became ridiculous.

And the idea that this could exist and that I couldn't know about it, that I could have been living my life, it became infantile. The whole... The universe became infantile. Exactly. Everything. Sex, money, driving, it all became infant it all became i mean you're taking the words right out of my mouth i mean it's it's it just shows you the ridiculous it's it was

completely life-changing for me but here's the danger in it i think is when i start going off on it because i didn't get a tattoo of it but i'm super passionate about about it now because it did like completely like alter my vision of how I see things, is I start to sound like a maniac when I start talking about it too much. Welcome to my world. And when you start talking about it and get super passionate about it,

you know... Sound crazy. Yeah, but then I'm aware of the perception of like, oh, Dave sounds fucking like a maniac and crazy and he's talking about this weird drug. And then the thing about it is i did it in columbia with like 20 other people who are these 20 other people you know it was like this trip arranged trip and it's like it's exactly who you thought they're like weird hippie type people you know the fact that this thing exists and that it only attracts these like weird like dreadlocked white people fringy people when if the right people

did it basically I think everyone should do it but if the right people that that didn't hear it and all man that sounds like fucking crazy like hippie bullshit you know it could like literally like change the world like they could change the consciousness of the whole planet. It really could. And that's, it sounds stupid, especially coming from me because my credibility is limited. Me too. I hosted Fear Factor and I do cage fighting commentary and I do a podcast under the influence

of illegal drugs. So it's like, look at all those equations, only illegal federally. Well, why did you have to go to jungle though? Why can't you just do it? Because it's illegal in the United States. I didn't even know that. It's Schedule 1. It is one of the most illegal drugs in the world, along with marijuana, which, by the

way, the idea of Schedule 1 is that it has no medical use, which is hilarious because there is medical marijuana approved in California. It's been proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that it helps in a lot of different areas. It helps people with cancer. It helps people going through chemo to get their appetite back. It helps people with glaucoma by reducing interocular pressure. It helps people with ADD. The idea that there's no medical benefits of it just because it's not.

And then they make a pill for it. They make fucking that THC pill. Whatever the fuck it's called. I don't even want to say it because I don't want anybody to buy it right it's because it's horseshit right you know they make like a synthetic THC pill which doesn't have nearly the effects of just edible cannabis that's something that we were talking about before the show was like brownies fuck you up they don't just fuck you up because right buzz weed fucks you up they fuck you up because when you eat

it produces a completely different chemical in your body you when marijuana when thc is consumed in an edible form it produces something called 11 hydroxy metabolite right which is like five times more psychoactive than thc well i believe it yeah you know why that weird feeling that you get when you eat a brownie? Yeah. I'm going to never forget this, man. My friend Brent had a,

Brett rather, had a, holla, had a company where he was trying to do when the medical marijuana movement first started. He had this company

that was making THC pills. Right. And I don't know what he did to fucking get this stuff into a pill form, but he had,

this is my strong one and this is my medium one. If you're going to take the medium one, only take one. I'm like, well, why do you have a strong one? He goes, I don't know. Eddie Bravo takes both of them. He takes at least, he either took two strong ones or two medium ones. Whatever he did. I took one.

And maybe an hour and a half later I was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my entire life where I was so terrified of everything the I was looking at people and they became two-dimensional right I was like seeing their souls like peeking behind while they were talking to me it became like incredibly psychedelic like way more psychedelic than weed. And I didn't understand about the 11-hydroxy metabolite thing then, but I talked to my friend Todd McCormick,

who's this medical marijuana activist and professional natural deodorant user. Right, Brian? Stinky. That shit smells. Brilliant guy. Brilliant, brilliant guy when it comes to medical marijuana. He actually did time.

He was like one of the first guys to do time in California because they wouldn't let him use the term medical marijuana. Even though he was operating under state law, when they bring you to court, because it's a federal trial, they don't even allow you to use the term medical marijuana. That term, you can't say it in court. If you say it, you'll go to jail. So what do you say?

You've got to say, I grew marijuana and sold it. And then they say, well, you're a criminal. And then you go, uh, uh. And you say, well, I was operating under state law. Shut up. You can't bring up state law in a federal court. It's incredible. And he wound up doing time.

But he's a perfect person. He's like i can always call him he's you know he's a grower so i can call him up and i go what is that why the fuck am i getting so high and he goes oh he goes you gotta understand do you smoke weed every day no like i don't like to do anything every day oh okay i don't think you should do anything every day but when you do do you smoke like like i don't smoke weed or any of that i don't even eat every day i like taking days off of eating you like fast and stuff not even fast i just drink water and take a day off of eating i've done that before you know it's like the idea here's my problem with fasting my same the same problem i have with healing right you know like

what are you talking about i'm a healer shut the fuck up you're not a healer stop you might give good massages you're not a fucking healer you crazy bitch i always knew from i was i just started getting rolfing done you know what rolfing done it's like super painful deep tissue massage okay and i uh i read a bunch of different websites i was looking for someone who does rolfing in the la area and i read this one lady's bio and it was like i always knew from the moment i was a child that I had natural healing in my hand this is what I'm talking about Joe all this shit that like you like that's good shit but it only attracts like weird weirdos yeah well because you know there's a lot of

fuckery in the world there's a lot of fuckery psychics you at least jerk off every day though right me or you take days off days off? I've taken many days off. I never take a day off. No more than 30 in a row. I'm a hard worker when it comes to that. I did that once for a website project. What? How was the longest?

I took 30 days off. Whoa. 30 days off jerking off. It was ridiculous. Were you just like leaking everywhere? I was getting boners from hugs. People would give me hugs. You were getting boner hugs?

Full on boners. Boner hugs are pretty fantastic. It was amazing. I was like, wow. When I first came to LA, I had a girlfriend in New York, and we were kind of on the outs when I first moved to LA, and I was figuring out whether or not I should move her in with me or bring her out here or whatever.

And I was out here working on a TV show for like two weeks by myself, just living in the Oakwoods apartment complex. And I was on the set, and this girl, she said something, the girl I was working with, and we laughed. And she said, oh, give me a hug. And she gave me this big, giant hug. And you came into her belly button? No, man.

I got her pregnant. Just the hug felt so good. Wow. I was like I was on empty and I pulled into the gas station and she filled me up like well then I realized like as a human being at that point in my 20s I was still pretty fucking stupid but I realized as a human being that the human touch is it's not just a luxury right that it's a staple it's a staple for mental management and then if you don't have someone in your life you don't have loving people in your

life it's not a it's not an inconvenience it's like it's unhealthy right it's bad for your body right it's bad there's a there was a there was something going on and again and what you can't measure it in the fucking milligrams of vitamin C or caffeine or alcohol. But there was a reaction in my body that was very real when that girl hugged me. Yeah. I felt so much better. And I'll never forget that because I'm like, okay, well, I have to realize that this is a real – this is something – there's one more thing that we can't measure in conventional terms but that it actually exists and it's tangible in its effect.

Well, I mean, I come from a family of huge huggers. That's awesome. My parents hug the shit out of me. That's very unusual for Asian. My dad kisses me on my mouth. That's beautiful. No tongue or tongue?

Sometimes a little bit of tongue. Especially after whiskey breath, right? And then in the time that I met Yoshi, you know, have you ever tried, like, you know, I hug all my friends. Right. This is the most awkward guy ever. I hug Yoshi all the time that I met Yoshi, you know, have you ever tried, like, you know, I hug all my friends. Right.

This is the most awkward guy ever. I hug Yoshi all the time. I know, but he's like, he doesn't, here, hug the shit out of this guy. All right. All right. Stop. Jesus. Stop it Jesus That ladies and gentlemen Was the gayest moment

Ever on our podcast He just came in his pants And we've had gay people on Have we had gay people on? Confirmed You know what I don't think we have That drawing I gave you

Makes so much more sense now I think we need to get A gay representation Oh by the way We're going to have Melissa Etheridge On the podcast Whoa

Yeah Melissa Etheridge Actually asked to be on the podcast. Her publicist content. I hope she doesn't yell at me for my cartoonish portrayal of lesbians. Dude, that's fucking awesome. I hope this isn't a punishment. I hope she actually likes it. I like lesbians. She might not be...

This might not be a friendly visit. I'm just kidding, but we need more gay representation on this podcast. I don't think she's gay, is she? Oh, no, she's a lesbian. It's different.

Yeah. You know, I always trip on the word gay anyway. Look at how uncomfortable he looks. No, I'm good. He looks like he just got raped.

Check to see if he has a boner. You just got rape hugged. You guys, Yoshi's a good man. No, he's a great guy. He's just very awkward with human touch. Yoshi had an awkward life. That's just's a great guy. He's just very awkward with human touch. Yoshi had an awkward life.

That's just not me, but that's not a very common thing in Japan. You don't talk about... Yeah, Asians don't hug so much. Your reality, your situation, your family, you don't want to talk about that. No, I talk about everything. Do you tell everybody the whole story, what you did, and why you can't go back to Japan? No, I could go back. I just can't get out.

You can't get out once you go back. I would imagine so. There's probably like a... Why why is that there's probably like a criminal record yeah would you tell it's a little different because tell everybody what happened if you wanted to i mean this is an interesting story the best story ever yeah well um if you want to listen no no no it's not a problem at all okay that's the only reason why i brought this up is because i know you're pretty adamant about expressing yourself all the time about this. I would say before I start the story that Dave was arrested in Japan September of 2003. And the same week, I was in jail in L.A. County. So I guess we were meant to meet each other.

But a day apart, 10 years ago, this coming September, we're in jail. Oh, someone sounds like a stalker. That's exactly what I would send Dave in an email if I was trying to get him to get me pregnant. So tell us your story. So I got an email in August 2003 from my cousin. Basically, my writing skill in Japanese is not good. So he wrote in english he basically wrote

papa dead that's their nice one dead my father was dead but they didn't know how to write in english so that's the only thing they wrote and i called them and find out my dad supposedly killed himself so within a couple days i flew back to japan and find out what happened because i saw him six months before early 2003 um i found out that my stepmother was cheating on my dad before marriage during marriage and uh they're trying they're in process getting divorced but my dad killed himself later on we don't know for sure he commit suicide or my stepmother have something to do with his death we don't know but um during the funeral i saw my stepmother killed him dude you think she killed him? I think so.

Why do you think that? The more I hear this story, she sounds like the most... My cousin's older brother in Korea, she was living in Korea, my stepmother. So my cousin's older brother lives in Korea. They're a virgin FBI. They checked the background and my stepmother flew in the day before the last time they saw my dad alive doesn't mean that he killed her but she lied she killed him yeah she said that she was in Japan the whole time and we find out later on she lied she lied

about that well she lied about that that's that that kind of guilt lying about where you were that's very suspicious yeah so doesn't mean she did it die how did he die um hanging so i went to police station and saw the picture and he was in the hot sun for like two weeks so he he was dark i mean he looked like he's hanging outside inside but that summertime japan is so hot and humid uh decompose this is this is how i met yoshi he told this what was the joke it was the darkest joke i've ever heard in my life. What did I say?

I'm high. I'm a little high. You're a little high right now? Yoshi's like, tell the joke. It's so fucking- It's not a joke. I just say, you know,

he was darker than a nigger or whatever. Oh, Yoshi. That is not a dark joke or even a good one. That's a racial slur. It's darker than Bobby Lee's balls. Yes. Does Bobby Lee have dark balls? darker than Bobby Lee's balls. Yes. Does Bobby Lee have dark balls?

Yeah, he has black balls. I can't approve of that joke. You don't say that on stage, do you? Yeah, he did. I was like, this guy's crazy. He's like... That's ridiculous. That's how you ended your act.

That's a good way to get your ass kicked. Not yet, but... It's going to happen. But basically, he had been hanging, and he turned black. Yeah, so he was hanging And basically the heat Of the house

Just slowly cooked him Yeah I mean I saw the picture The cop told me I highly recommend You don't look at the picture But I needed to see You know

Because After his death My family family told me That all the horrible things That were happening So do you think That she could have possibly Driven him to do that?

That for sure, 100%. Yeah, yeah. She lived hundreds of thousands of dead. And she told my dad that she brought one of her cousins from Korea. We later on find out it was her lover the whole time. So while my dad was working, she was fucking this guy pretending to be her cousin, whatever. Just the whole humiliation Debt and all this stuff And like

Was she younger? Ten years younger But Are you sure she wasn't Just fucking her cousin? This is why a guy like David Should be afraid of marriage Okay

Never Ever Never Fuck someone Where you're confused As to why they're fucking you Right Never

Then I won't ever get laid Yeah Well you shouldn't The reality is In. Then I won't ever get laid. Yeah, well, you shouldn't. The reality is, in the natural world, you shouldn't get laid, Brian. You should get your shit together first. But when that happens, when you do that, man, people

start to resent you. You ever see a famous dude with a trophy wife, and the trophy wife fucking hates being there? And you see that, that's a sketchy situation, I've watched this dude I watched his wife yell at him and shit and and he's like like this sort of minuscule famous guy he's a small guy and you know the wife was yelling at him right I'm a hard time he had just he just absorbed it and dealt with it right and it was really

really fucked me up cuz this guy's really famous. I was like, what are you doing, man? Why are you letting this person abuse you? This fucking shitty person in your life is treating you like that. What, because she's not impressed with you? What is it? I'll tell you why. He weighed 130 pounds

and she was six foot tall and hot as fuck and she really wanted to get fucked by giant black guys. Mandingoed Giant mandingoed Or a Caucasian And maybe he liked When a guy is an older guy

Maybe he liked the abuse When a guy is an old guy Yeah And he's got this hot young chippy And doesn't know why she's with him Yeah She's fucking stealing from you man Yeah

She's robbing your ass So what happened? So I went back to the funeral And somehow she was She didn't know my temperament Because my dad's very kind your ass. So what happened? So I went back to the funeral and somehow she was, she didn't know my temperament because my dad's a very kind and nice person. He's never hit me before.

But I have temperament from my mother. She was, you know, she was a typical Korean woman, very aggressive, you know. So I caught her at the funeral by herself, preparing the funeral thing for my dad, right? It was like way up a hill. Yeah, way up in the hill.

Rest of the family were down the hill in the parking lot. They didn't know what's going on. So basically, I went up there with my aunt and my aunt sold

my stepmother and she goes, you killed my fucking brother, you fucking bitch. She leaves. It was me and her. And everyone knows at this point

that she was cheating on him the whole time. Oh yeah, everybody knows. She even tried to poison my dad. So next thing you know, she tried to poison him to poison yeah they took the sample yeah you know those korean dish kimchi or whatever she brought from korea my dad kept getting sick so they took all

the food from refrigerator at some medical lab they checked and there was um poison in the the dish all right so your stepmom is poisoning his kimchi and and cheating on him and the whole family knows that she has the fucking balls to go to the funeral yeah she was playing this thing she didn't know anything about me and her older sister have a reputation of marrying bunch of guy and they all dying in mysterious circumstance oh so they have a history they have a history of that her and her older sister does the same fucking thing this sounds like it's crazy it's fucking insane so my aunt said you fucking bitch you killed my brother she left sounds and then then 10 seconds later i just

started running over and just beating the shit out of her and whoa i grabbed back of her head and start punching her face for a long time and put her she's unconscious no but she was shocked because she didn't know i had it in me to do that and i was a little surprised because i didn't plan to do that i was angry but I didn't think she was dumb enough to be separated by the rest of her family. Oh, my gosh. So she was by herself, you were by yourself. No one's anywhere near the two of you.

No one near. And then I started to grab her back of her head and just start beating her face in. Curb stomp. And put it on her ground and start stomping between her legs. Her eyeball was about to... You stomped her pussy? Yeah.

Whoa. Stomach, then... Her face, her eyeball was about to... You stomped her pussy? Yeah. Whoa. Stomach, then... Her face, her eyeball was about to come out? I was stomping her face like after five or six times. I heard some lady that worked at the cemetery scream. That's when I kind of got out of it. They saw this guy just stomping on this lady and started screaming. So how much damage did you do to her?

I think if I did it... Like my cousin called me like a week later, and he was laughing at the phone like, yeah, if you did it for another minute, you probably killed her or whatever. She ended up going to hospital for like two and a half, three months. But that snapped him out of it, the lady screaming. So then he ran back down the hill. That's true.

And then like everyone's like, what the fuck's going on? And he like grabbed his cousin's car keys. No, no, no. Yes, I went down and my stepmother's nephew was walking up the stairs. He didn't know what's going on. So I start coming down, and he doesn't know what's going on. So I figured by then, I already beat one person. What difference does it make if I assault a couple more people?

This funeral was how long after Japan? What? Like when you got off the plane and went straight to the funeral, right? A day after, yeah. So this guy gets to Japan, goes to a funeral and then just starts punching people and then like so you attacked him as well for what reason just because because he's related to her related to her and like what difference does it make if i fuck everybody at this point yeah it's like porn stars like what difference does it make if you will fuck one hooker or 500 once you one. It's really interesting that you're using attempted murder and connecting it to gangbang.

Yeah, well. Oh, Yoshi kills hookers all the time. No, just kidding. He kills them with his AIDS. Atta boy. So. Atta boy. Did you say edible AIDS or atta boy?

Atta boy. So I went down the stairs. I saw him. I sucker punched him. He doesn't know what's going on. Oh, my God. And there was a little. Do you feel bad for that? No, not at all. But he. So I went down the stairs I saw him I sucker punched him He doesn't know what's going on Oh my god And there was a little Do you feel bad for that?

No not at all But he I wish I I know but I was just angry With her and her family Right but I mean Her family is just people Yeah

You know I mean You don't feel bad for A family of poisonous people Well you know I mean Maybe they don't know What the fuck the Sister and her did But at the time

I wasn't really rational I was just so angry yeah so uh i sucker punching he went down and most of these eight you know i'm six foot one most of these people are like five one five two right so even though i'm not a physically imposing in america i'm pretty big in japan you kick an ass in japan yeah i'm anderson soba when it comes to fighting and beating up old women. How old was she when you did this to her? 55 or something. Whoa. Holy shit. She killed his dad, man.

Oh, I understand. Listen, there's no... I lost my fucking mind. Listen, I would have killed her. If I'm stomping on a chick for five times, she's dead. I don't know how the fuck your pussy stomps allowed her to live. So he knocks the nephew out. I got this little...

That's not something to joke about, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. You're right. If you're outraged listening to this, you're like, I can't believe you joked about this. I got that little mallet where Buddhists scoop the water to clean the cemetery. I grabbed that stuff, just beat him over the head a couple of times, ran down the parking lot, and I saw my stepmother's older sister and her husband. I started sucker punching him too he's punching everybody

yeah I punched both of them how's your endurance at this point are you getting winded yeah I wish I would've stretched before that but I didn't plan

I wasn't planning to insult four people Joe I don't know anything about martial art I don't know any of that stuff it was unplanned you beat all these people up.

How do you get out of the country? That's like serious shit. So my aunt, Yoshi, she's the only one, when he started fighting me back, she's the one, she had a cancer, brain cancer actually, but she's the one that interrupted the fight, started punching him and just told me to leave. And I told my cousin to drive me out of there, and he wasn't sure because he wanted to you punched him too no no no I think he

hesitated because he doesn't want to ace somebody who did criminal act right but he's smaller than I am so if you don't think I'm gonna beat the shit out of it well we got in his car he's driving me out of there and I went to Osaka International he just got to Japan yeah like a day before and then he went and beat everyone up, and then he's hiding. And he got right to the airport. I grabbed his cell phone and called the airlines,

changed my flight. I'm praying there's another flight within a few hours, and there just happened to be one in four hours. So I went over there. But that was the longest four hours at the airport because I figured she'll call the police. You just hid in the bathroom? So what happened?

How'd they not call the police? It never even occurred to them because they were so worried about her. They went to hospital with her. They probably didn't know where you went. They figured I was hiding in one of my cousin's house. Do you think that they knew that she was guilty too? Everybody knows she's guilty.

How did you find out? It was your aunt that told you, right? Yeah. She tried to poison him, huh? Your aunt told you? What did she say? They have a medical record. She said you've been fucking someone this whole time. Yeah, but that doesn't mean she tried to poison him, huh? Your aunt told you? What did she say? She said they've been fucking someone this whole time. Yeah, but that doesn't mean she tried to kill him.

You know she tried to kill him because of the poisoning, though. That's pretty definitive. Yeah, and they had a medical lab. I don't know how they figured out poison, but they took it to lab. Never eat kimchi at Yoshi's house. He keeps his daddy's status. I mean, kimchi in general is pretty strong anyways. I love kimchi.

Yeah, if you have kimchi at Yoshi's house and it tastes a little weird, don't eat that shit. Damn, dude. So you escaped Japan. Yeah. Are there criminal charges pressed against you? Here's a weird thing. Mostly cops in Japan don't want to be a part of family disputes. Technically, she's still my family.

So whenever there's a family dispute, they'd rather there's... Even a fucking head stomping well generally speaking but um i don't want to go back to japan and find out so remember you and i think joey d is asking me like to go with you and translate i would love to do it but i was a little worried maybe as soon as i land there's a record of it and put me in jail it could be right there might be there might be but See, I could get in, but most likely I can't get out. Dave cannot get in.

Those are two different things. Why can you not get in? I went to jail there a few years ago. What'd you go to jail there for? I beat up an undercover security guard. Whoa. Yeah. What happened?

Well, it's sort of like Yoshi said. I'm not a huge guy over here, but over there, I'm sort of the Anderson Silva of being a cool lady. What happened over there? You know, it's, I could talk about this for, like, hours and hours. But basically, I, in much of the same way where I helped, you know, the old people during the earthquake turn their gas off and then went looting.

Like, I have a, you know, I had a troubled past where, you know, this is before I got seriously into gambling. I spent most of my childhood just fighting and getting into all kinds of trouble and doing small-time criminal activities and stuff. And so when I went to Japan where it was the society based on honor and the light turns red and then everyone stops walking, and I was like, whoa, this is fucking crazy. Like they like don't even have locks on their bicycles. Cause who would steal a bike? That's not your property. Like it's crazy. Like you could literally go to Japan and just get on someone's bike and just, I was like, this is fucking nuts. So that's what I did. I'd

go to Japan, I'd steal some guy's bike and I'd go out all night, spray painting graffiti on everything. Cause like, and I would just do it in broad daylight. Like no one would stop me, to japan i'd steal some guy's bike and i'd go out all night spray painting graffiti on everything because like and i would just do it in broad daylight like no one would stop me you know and then at the end of the day i just go bring the bike back and so you know my art was getting a lot of recognition out there at the time so i was going out there like once a year twice a year and you're stealing bikes stealing bikes doing graffiti stealing shit shit, just causing damage and chaos in general. Right. That's so sad.

Yeah. I mean, it is kind of- It is sad, because that's one thing when we were in Japan, some guy was telling me about the same kind of thing. Like, you could tell these girls anything. They'll believe you, because no one lies to them. So you can tell them, like, hey, you're a super famous rock star. Right, right.

And you kind of felt bad about it. You felt- After Brian's fifth story, he's like, I gotta tell you, I'm not really Iron Man. Wow. So you got arrested for doing... Well, yeah. I mean, I definitely deserved... I mean, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

My life in general was getting out of control and going to jail was probably the best thing. Dude, you guys both are fucking awesome. Thank you very much for doing this. You're welcome, man. Thank you for coming down. I would love to do yours as well. Yeah, anytime, man. Let's go back and forth.

Yeah, man. Awesome. Back and forth. Let's do it a bunch of different times. I would love to have you. Yoshi, keep it together, okay? Yeah, thanks. You're going to be fine.

There's a lot of people that are going to stare at you Wednesday night at the Ice House knowing that you almost stomped a lady to death. So it's going to be a little different. She deserved it, man. It's going to be an interesting show Wednesday night at the Ice House knowing that you almost stomped a lady to death. So it's going to be a little different. It's going to be an interesting show Wednesday night. Anyone who's coming out Wednesday night, please don't be afraid to give this guy a hug. He needs human touch. Stop saying that. Murderers should be stomped.

If you saw his face after that group hug right now, it was very uncomfortable. It was a little weird. He didn't know how to accept that kind of love. He's a good guy. You're a great guy. He's a good guy. You're a great guy. He's a good guy. Yoshi's a great guy. He just needs a lot more hugs. Dude, we didn't even get to your whole crazy fucking story, the whole Facebook mural story.

I'll come back on any time you want. We'll do it again, man. Let's do it again. Let's do it again in February. You want to do it again in February? Anytime, man. Done. And we'll do yours.

Brian, you want to come with me? Yeah. You guys are invited to DVDASA.com. Brian, you want to come with me? Yeah. You guys are invited to dvdasa.com. Oh, my gosh. I don't know if we're going to get on iTunes, so just go to there to check it out. Why wouldn't you get on iTunes? Filthy? Probably.

You could get away with being filthy. Yeah, especially audio. They'll allow anything. It's because it's essentially the imagination. You're just talking about things. You can't show pornographic images In a video iPod thing But you can easily get rid of all of Yoshi's butthole shots

Don't show Yoshi's butthole Because it's just too tempting Again, like his gay porn Or his tranny porn It might drag you over to the dark side Yoshi would tempt you with his black hole Of butthole You guys are filming this whole show, right?

On our podcast we have one camera And it's just pointed at asa's pussy are you serious yeah that's hilarious that's perfect it's like do you want to see how did you how did you meet her how did you guys become friends this guy yeah you just became her buddy well it's it's like the thing you were saying about um the cuckold and like watching black guys like I've talked about this before but basically if you're a guy and you're Asian the only place you are in American porn is gay and the bottom there's not one Asian

male porn star in straight porn except for one now except for one now which was that movie so after I got to know Yoshi and you know known what a degenerate he is he's like hey Dave they're filming the Asian-American porn where the whole cast is Asian. And I was like, whoa, that's pretty, like, groundbreaking, you know? There's no, like, it's gay to know what, I guess, when you jerk off to porn, like, I've watched so much porn, I can recognize a guy's penis now.

Yeah, I did joke about that. Oh, that's Peter North. Oh, I'm a homo. Exactly. can recognize a guy's penis now yeah i did a joke about that yeah oh that's peter north all right i'm a homo exactly exactly and and you know you've seen enough there's not that many guys so you start to recognize the guys yeah so can you name an asian male porn star no yeah there isn't any right so yoshi told me about it and then we went uh yeah we went i went to the set of the the first and it was it was based on a weird Japanese poet or someone, some chick that cuts off her lover's penis or something. It was very dark.

True story. Yeah. Fist of the Nut Star. And Asa was the star in that, so we hit it off right away. And yeah, that's how I met Asa through Yoshi, and that was the first time. That was the first- She just got married. Yeah, she just got married.

That's crazy. What? Dude, trust me. What kind of a deal is that? Well, it's to another porn star. Oh, okay. But she was one of the first women that I met that I was genuinely interested in

after my seven-year-long relationship. So I met her on that set, and then I'm like, this chick is fucking rad. She'll just talk about anything and how she has to wash her butthole out, and it's just not in a gross way, and it's very refreshing to meet someone

that's so open and honest about everything. She's very funny, too. Do you find synchronicity in the word DVDASA when you're doing a show with Asa Akira? Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds a show with Asa Akira? Yeah. Well, I mean, it sounds like David and Asa phonetically. Yeah, it does, phonetically. Right.

But it's actual double vaginal, double anal sensitive artists. So that's the website, ladies and gentlemen. Double vaginal, double anal sensitive artists. If you can't find it, go fuck yourself. It's a great podcast. We don't want you to find it. It's one of the very few podcasts that I actually listen to.

I love it. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, man. Podcasts have made me hate a lot of people that I used to not find annoying. I fucking listen to their podcasts, and I want to fucking throw them off a mountain. The story of how you first met Yoshi

is one of my favorite stories. I think it was on the first episode of DVDSA. And just how you do his voice, his impersonation, makes the story so much better. Yoshi, we're going to bring you out of this funk, but prepare for a fucking avalanche of hate mail from people who don't like dudes stomping women to death, especially when they're in their 50s. Honestly, if anyone out there wants to sit here and judge Yoshi, death especially when they're in their 50s honestly if anyone out there wants to sit here and judge yoshi think about if there was a person out there that like did your family wrong and what you would

do to them like especially kill your dad yeah i mean you don't know if she did but at the very least she tried the very least she tried to poison but then here's the flip side of that are you mad at your dad for like allowing a woman like that absolutely the power i was really angry with him like yeah i mean he got what you're doing by partnering up with sluts is an excellent move because much like getting inoculation shots it protects you from other sluts being so mystical that they could take over your life you know when a when a girl will try to move in and like offer you pussy to try to like control your financial empire, you bleak bitch. I know where I can get some pussy.

Yeah. I mean. Stop. We're dealing with quantities and qualities. We're dealing with a commodities market here now. Yeah. I mean, it's unbelievable. David, someday you're going to find the right girl.

A girl who loves you for you. A girl, a sensitive girl that you're not going to want to be with anybody. I know. She's going to be so beautiful and have a 12-inch penis. Oh. Yoshi. And with that one, oh. Watch out for the black ice.

Black guys. Ice, ice, I-C-E. And coincidentally, you don't find many black guys where there's black ice. I don't know why that is. Follow Yoshi on Twitter. It's Yoshi Obayashi. O-B-A-Y-A-S-H-I on Twitter.

And David Cho. David C-H-O-E. You could also go to davidcho.com and just try to buy one of his paintings. First of all, you can't find them. They're not for sale. And even if it did, you don't want to spend that much money, all right?

Listen, he's out of your league, bitch. Deal with it. Deal with it. Thanks to onnit.com for sponsoring our podcast. Go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name Rogan and you will save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. Also, thanks to Hover. Go to hover.com forward slash

Rogan. Please use them for all your domain names. Robot Cuckold. Robot Cuckold. Up your butthole. Suckmycockfatty.com All one word. You can do this, people. Yoshi stomps vaginas. Yeah. You know that's, people. Yoshi stomps his vaginas. Yeah.

You know that's going to be used. God damn it. Why'd you do this, David? Why? Joe, go to hover.com forward slash Rogan for 10% off. Yoshi? Sorry. This is very selfish.

I have a podcast, dude. Yoshident.com. That's not selfish at all. We would help it if- Yoshident. No. Yoshident? That is really your question?

Everything's a goddamn play on words, Yoshi male. Do it. Say it right. Wednesday night. Say it right. Yoshi didn't. Yoshi didn't. And Yoshi will be at the Ice House in Pasadena this Wednesday night at 10 p.m.

along with Ian Edwards, along with Brian Redband, along with Adam Hunter, and one of the motherfuckers that I can't remember, and maybe many more, whoever's in town. The idea of the Ice House, I'll call Fitzsimmons too, see if he's around. The idea of the Ice House is we just try to put on shows there where we fuck around, have a good time,

we use it as sort of a workout room. The last time I did it, I came up with like 20 minutes of new material. You guys, these shows are fucking amazing They're so fun to do And it's one of the best comedy environments On the planet Earth It's a club that's been around since 1960

And it's just like I can't say enough good things about the staff Or the owner Bob, he's the coolest motherfucker ever And to me it's really important To support places like this Because they're very fragile there's not a lot of money in owning a comedy club and I

want to help these people that think about bailing out alright go to death squad dot TV and you can pick up one of these fucking badass t-shirts designed by our very own Brian Redband and there's two different versions of it there's this one that is my favorite cat and then there's that one

which I also like the design. I like the design, but you can't buy that one anymore, so you could probably get that shit on eBay. You should just make more of those. Make more of those. That's what the whole point is. No, the point sucks. The point sucks a big, delicious syphilis-ridden cock. Good night, folks. We will see

you tomorrow, most likely with Aubrey Marcus. I'm going to try to move some shit around because Aubrey's in town and Rick Ross lives here. So we'll call him. We'll make everything happen. We are going to get our freak on one way or another, bitches. David Cho, Yoshi. Thanks, Joe.

Thanks, Joe. Thank you next time.