The Joe Rogan Experience - #329 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: February 26, 2013

Duncan Trussell is a stand-up comedian, and host of his own podcast, The Duncan Trussell Family Hour.

The Joe Rogan. We love you. Duncan Truss is here. Join my next Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Powerful Duncan Truss. You're back, man. I'm back. Back, back from the precipice. Back from the precipice. Well, none of us are ever like back from the precipice. But I saw a big sign today. It was something about surviving cancer. And the lady was smiling and laughing and she was like holding a baby or something like that.

And it said something about surviving cancer. And I thought about it. I was like, we don't really survive shit, do we? Nope. There's no surviving. Yeah. I mean, we do for a little. We put it off for a little.

You extend the amount of time that you're sentient. You extend the amount of time that you're sentient. You extend the amount of time that you have consciousness. It's a very funny thing. It's like our age starts the moment the matter we're composed of wakes up to an awareness of itself and stops the moment it's not aware of itself anymore. But what we are, that's not really our age. It's much longer than that. And surviving means you've extended the amount of self-awareness by some number of years. But it doesn't really – surviving – I don't – this is something I haven't talked about on stage.

The whole surviving cancer thing is a – it's an annoying term to like now I'm a cancer survivor. That's what I am now. I don't want to be that. That's – it's so many other things I'd like to be represented by than that. That's – not that – I mean anyone out there who's fighting cancer right now, by the way, keep up the good fight. There's a whole brotherhood that you find out there of people and ancestorhood of people who are dealing with this shit and it's beautiful. So I don't mean to denigrate your struggle that you're going through. It's just I wish there was another word for it than survivor.

It's such a dire term. It's such a dire term. It's such a dire term. It's like you just climbed out of a dragon's mouth or a smoldering car. I think there's a real problem whenever you label anything. Call people a cancer victim, a cancer survivor, a cancer success in the war on cancer, whatever. Whenever you automatically categorize it, it falls into this sort of package. They want to classify everything, man. Even not just fucking – by the way, it's fine.

I'm a cancer survivor. I don't – it's not a term I care for, but fine. But what's weird is when people really – that becomes their new identity. Like what they were before they didn't die from a disease or a thing becomes insignificant to this one little moment of overcoming something. And I think that's where or temporarily managed to stop. Why are you wearing a pink ribbon then? How do you know what's tied around my cock? It's a cock ring.

Who's the first sick fuck that figured out a cock ring? I got to figure out how to get more blood in my dick. How do I do this? Let me just clamp this bitch down. No. It seems like it might be a good idea. I've done the finger cock ring, though, when you're a little too drunk and you can't quite get it hard, so you squeeze the base of it to keep a semi going.

I didn't know about that trick. I didn't know that either. How do you not know? Who's that guy? How do you not know? How do you not know about this? that guy? How do you not know? How do you not know about this? Clamp your dick! Oh, Jesus, you don't know about this, don't you?

Come on. Yeah, you never... That was one of my bits. Way back in the day. I'm like Hugh Hefner or something like that. Clamping the base of your cock? Yeah, I forget. It was...

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was Hugh Hefner. Yeah, it was like... Hugh Hefner. Yeah. It was like Hugh Hefner. And then it was – That was – Hugh Hefner had said in this magazine, like they were asking him like, hey, you date like these 20-year-old girls. What do they feel?

How do they feel about dating you? And he said, well, they feel very lucky. This has always been a dream for them. And then I had this whole lucky, lucky, living a dream. Yeah. I remember that, too. Oh, squeeze the base of it. I've got a semi going.

Lucky girl. That's three quarter cock. Lucky to squeeze the base of it to keep a semi going as old as time. So some dude figured out how to do it with like a rope. There's this girl that hangs out at the comedy store and her mom was a famous Playboy person that dated Hugh Hefner and and she was saying that one time she had those balls inside of her those bang wang balls or whatever they're called yeah and then he went down on her and one came out and choked him and he had to like save his life oh my god you

fucking freaks that's the universe trying to kill you. That's great. Eating fucking balls that shoot out of your chick snatch. Giant lead shot. That's a funny way to die. Yeah, what is that about? Do you carry the weights in your pussy so it makes you clamp down and that's what keeps your pussy tight? Is that the move? Yeah, it's like you're constantly tightening your pussy up to control these balls that are inside of you when you walk.

So it's kind of like a Wii Fit for your vagina. That's fucking bananas. How crazy is that? Chicks have been lifting weights with their pussies. It works too. Yeah, there was a woman in Russia. I think it was a Russian woman who could stick something in her pussy and clamp it down and pick up weight. Actually, like a jaw.

It would clamp down on this. She would stick a ball on a rope in her pussy and then clamp down and lift weights. Crazy. Have you seen these anal trainer tails? They're what girls who like anal, they keep them inside of them and they have a tail, like a hair tail,

like a ponytail. Yeah, I've seen those. Any chick who can lift weights with her pussy has got to be just an unstoppable freak like there's no way you're going to satisfy her she's lifting weights with her pussy she is like all she's all about milk and cock that's all she's all about that's her number one thing online that said she's so good at it she can't wait to get a cock in there to shock the guy yeah it's probably and it probably mostly new cocks you know because these guys are like this and then what's the big oh jesus and she it's like a fucking fist grabbing a hold of your dick i mean she could pick up weights with her pussy it's probably way stronger than her hand because she's developed it in like some crazy way it's hilarious the way people spend time on this planet it's amazing that some people are just like i'm gonna make

my pussy strong in this incarnation well i've been doing it with what is it what if it was amazing though what if it made a huge difference oh i don't think there's a like you know like girls i'm not saying there's better or worse i'm just saying it's a funny thing like you know like if you came out of a spaceship on some alien planet and you're like, all right, while I'm on this planet, I'm going to make it so my vaginal muscles are fucking strong. Well, if you enjoy sex though and you enjoy pleasure, it really is possible that you can make the vaginal muscles stronger. I think you can. But why wouldn't you do that? I would do that if I was a chick.

Why wouldn't you want to have a super pussy? It just depends. I deal with dick pills. You deal with dick pills. We all deal with dick pills. I am not leveling judgment on these wonderful women who are making their vaginas strong, and I encourage it.

I think you should do it if you're drawn towards that. I just think it's a curious thing, the way people spend their time. That's curious thing the way people spend their time. That's certainly – of the ways people spend their time, that is a fascinating way. It's also fascinating the idea of like a Viagra or something along those lines, like a pill that makes your dick hard. And using zinc. What if there was like exercise that you could do that could make your dick bigger and harder. Like your dick, you get bicep muscles?

Yeah, like you could grow your dick the way a dude grows his chest muscles. You know, just steady workouts. Gyms would be disgusting. Did you see the video I posted about the Indian guy? The sadhu that wraps his cock up in a stick and stretches it out? It's on my Twitter. Find it on my Twitter

and pull it up. I think we can even show it on Ustream because you don't really see it. Sort of. It's sort of tucked away. It's very strange. Please, Ustream, don't take us down. Please, YouTube, don't take us down. Oh, yeah.

Ustream won't let you show this? This is amazing, this guy. Yeah, if there's nudity in it, we can't show it. Oh, you can show it. Just show it. It's like tribal nudity. Tribal nudity. That's like National Geographic nudity. Yeah, yeah, yeah's nudity in it we can't show it oh you can show it just show it it's it's like tribal nudity tribal nudity that's like national geographic yeah yeah yeah yeah we could do it what'll happen i don't even want to say what because i'm gonna take turn off the mic okay hold on

it happened to me already a few times. Why don't you just describe it in a very picturesque way? Hmm. I just had it happen. Damn. Is there a way you can stick a little bouncing ball over his cock and balls? Maybe. Take a look at it yourself.

Just go to your Twitter page. Yeah, okay. Just go to my Twitter page. I'm a chatty bitch. I tweet it up. Yeah. You're going to your Twitter page. Yeah, okay. Just go to my Twitter page. But I tweet – I'm a chatty bitch. I tweet it up. You're going to lose a lot. I mean if you do like the dick pills and use the ZMA like I've been doing, I think – I do not do those crazy – if I was going to do a dick pill, I would get the real chemical.

I think you're taking a crazy gamble with these fucking 7-Eleven drugstores. I know. I'm revealing them. And I've gotten to the point where like I realized 7-Elevenven takes the safe route like their products are a little bit weaker and not safe but you go to some of these like miscellaneous gas stations that they don't give a shit there's like these things called like ml2 like good for two weeks and you're like how is that even possible and then so you take it and like on the cover is just like a skull like in a boob or something well the way they're getting away with it as aubrey told us, was that they're taking giant amounts

of generic Cialis and generic Viagra. Those chemicals are not that expensive, and you can get those chemicals, and if you sell it in little single-serving forms at a gas station, it's actually profitable. So these crazy fucks are just selling viagra yeah it's i mean it's cialis viagra i should go grab the one that's in my car and just show you how ridiculous this one is you also should really listen to what tim

ferris said oh i know tim ferris who's a brilliant guy has a great quote and the quote is he doesn't believe there's a biological free lunch he's like anything that's doing hasn't has that positive an impact in one direction will have most likely an equal equally positive reaction in another direction it's very possible that it could cause real issues you're talking about something like super potent yeah isn't that weird why is that that's a fascinating thing that one thing, there's always a weird trade-off or whatever it is.

But I mean, what could it be? That your dick doesn't work without that stuff? Is that possible? I think with dick pills, it's better to burn out than to fade away. Rise up, gather round, rock this place to the ground. Bye, Romaine.

Yeah, dude, you just went Def Leppard on us. That's right. That's hilarious. Yeah, well, you might have a good point. It depends on, you know, would you rather have 20 years of life left with boners or 30 years of life with basically you start out with a three quarter chubby this year half a chubby next year

but it shuts off within five or six years and then basically the rest of your life you just walk around I only do it when I go to strip clubs for the most part unless I know that there's a guaranteed good line of sex that night oh yeah well as long as you're not abusing it Brian I just don't i know that there's a guaranteed good lineup of sex that night oh yeah well as long as you're not abusing it brian yeah i just don't know if that stuff's safe i mean what

is uh i don't know what's the studies on on taking that that stuff you gave me brian those boner pills those things are magic well dudes dudes are not supposed to take them if they're on nitrates. Is that correct? Like men who have real serious heart issues, I believe. Yeah. If you have a very serious heart issue, you also shouldn't be fucking like a 12-year-old. Yeah.

And these things make you – Or you should. Well, it depends on what – What way to go. That's the way to go. What's the way to go. It's a great way to go. It's a great way to go.

But those pills you gave me – The Hot Rods 5000s? Yes. Those fucking things those give you like like first time you see porn when you're a terminal boner terminal like insane hiroshima boner you know why also and then why it's sold where it's sold because it's sold uh for gay people to go clubbing oh jesus but i mean a straight guy's gonna take advantage of that all that boner yeah and the and and the fucking thing man it says on it i researched this stuff it says and this made me think that aubrey's cialis theory was totally dead on because on the website it says that the ingredient is crushed up

ants. I know. Ant boners. But that's something someone lying says. It's just like say anything. Nobody fucking cares. If they have great boners, they don't care what it comes from. You can say anything. Crushed up ants. That's hilarious. That's exactly

what they would say if they were totally bullshitting you. What is it, Odd Spugs? Crushed up hands. I don't give a fuck what it is. It makes your dick hard, son. What's with the questions? I'm trying to sell some illegal shit. Yeah, I mean, does the Food and Drug Administration ever shake loose a tablet?

There's not a man in this fucking thing. Do they shake loose tablets? an ant in this fucking thing. Do they shake loose tablets? And then, by the way, it might be possible that there's a toxin in certain ants that could give you a hard-on because they know that spider has it.

Sure. There's that spider in Brazil, the walking spider. Apparently, it just wanders around the ground. And if it stings you, it gives you the most impossibly painful boner where your dick splits open like a ballpark Frank.

Like literally. Yeah. Yeah. You're done. It's super duper toxic. Okay. It doesn't just give you this ridiculous boner. Most of the time it kills people.

But if it doesn't kill you, your dick is done. Your dick's broken forever. Why do we allow that to exist, that spider? It's a redlining dick bug. It just redlines your dick. It's like taking an engine deep until the fucking piston starts smoking. God damn. Yeah, I don't know why we allow that.

But Jesus Christ, that's a scary fucking animal. Insect, rather. You dilute it down enough. You mix it with enough stuff. It's perfect. Yeah, that's what they're thinking now Insect, rather. You dilute it down enough. You mix it with enough stuff. It's perfect. Yeah, that's what they're thinking now. Get on it, spider boners. They're trying to figure out a way to do it.

And apparently that's connected to nitric oxide. And that nitric oxide, I believe I'm saying it right, is what is in a lot of those like no2 explode like all these different sort of uh supplements these like pre-workout supplements that get people pumped up because apparently viagra cialis all those things they're they're performance enhancing as far as like your your body's ability to pump blood like through itself it makes you more efficient, and it gives you an endurance benefit. That's why I do it. Yeah, so they're making it. I believe it's illegal in the Olympics.

I think you can't be on. I know you can't be on that Provigil. That Provigil is illegal in the Olympics. They test for that shit now, and I believe they test for this as well. Yeah, man, that Provigil is pretty awesome too. I just found this – I started looking up like my favorite authors to see if they were on speed because I – and like the majority of my favorite authors are on speed. And that really got me thinking, man. That really got me thinking.

It's like – because ProVigil, Adderall, these are modern, this is speed. It's speed. And forgive me for saying this, man, but my experience with speed and AlphaBrain, AlphaBrain is speed. Like you can call it, I'm sure it has like thought enhancing things, but it's speed. When you take that drug, you feel the – You feel like alpha brain makes you feel speedy? Low-level Adderall.

Wow. I've never done Adderall, but what alpha brain does for me, it never makes me feel like accelerated. It makes me feel like smoother. Yeah. It gives me a mild speed bump. Wow. That's interesting. When did you – are you doing the old formula or the newer formula? The new formula is more conservative because some people were having headaches. It was the old formula and it would make me feel weird and it did give me weird dreams. Oh, yeah. The dreams, if you take them like right before bed – I mean it's not – dreams are weird.

It's like I don't know how to guarantee a dream. People go, I took out for brain man. I'm fucking no dreams. You might have you just don't remember them okay and i don't know why you remember some and why you don't i'll go like days and not remember a fucking dream and then i'll do some alpha brain or something and somehow or another i'll catch a dream i'll catch a good one that i remember and i'm like well and then i'll start remembering a bunch of dude i Dude, I – You dream every night, I think. I had a fucking alpha brain dream where I was in a garden.

I was standing in this primordial garden and there was like fucking all these weird like silvery golden apples floating up in the trees. And I held this like weird silver mirror underneath it and it made – what the fuck are those? Brian, what are you giving me this for? Why are you giving me that's my that's my emergency pack that's actually what they sell now they sell like a condom with a guy pill and a girl pill together so you give the girl the pill and then you take your pill you wait like an hour and it's like raging boners and vibrating vaginas what yeah and what does the girl pill do? The girl I always wished said that it just made her vagina feel really tingly. Huh. Crazy.

I didn't even know there was a girl pill. Yeah, well, that's my emergency pack that I keep in my car. But the other one, the other one's for five days. This is the one that is a cheap one. Your dick's gonna to blow up.

It's made entirely of wandering spiders. Your dick's going to explode. And this is the other one. Yeah. Mega Knight. And it's a Magnum Con, of course. Yeah, of course. Because you've got a big giant dick, right?

No, it's because this building makes you have a big giant dick. But you have a big giant dick anyway. No, I don't. It's a pretty decent size. It's a little bit of of average the girth is what's really good about it chicks say that's very important you have like a shorter dick but it longs to stretch out a little bit more well it's the hook also like i've always put my boner like underneath my belt like my whole life like so it's like you know facing my head like straight up so you smash it so i've been smashing it and like bending it towards my face the whole time when you're a child yeah like i still do it like whenever i have a boner i just put him behind my

belt and then sometimes i forget about it too long and it hurts so you're like stretching your dick out the way those african ladies do with their neck and those rings well it points it towards your own face it makes it bend and grow towards your own face. I don't think so. That's an urban myth, son. No. It's just the shape your dick is born with. Some people are born with curvy ass dicks. The only thing that would really do it is trauma.

You can get a broken dick. There's a dude named Ray Elby who is an MMA fighter who posted a picture of like a bunch of blood and some shit and told a story on the underground where a girl got on top and she just landed on his dick and broke his dick and started bleeding. It can happen apparently. I'm sure. And that can give your dick a funky right hook.

Have you sprained your dick from having, like I sprained my dick recently where it hurt for like three days. Owie. Don't let crazy bitches get on top. You got to control the situation, son. Yeah. Don't let anybody break in your dick because they're on ecstasy and they fucking think this is an awesome song. Yeah, a girl can do a lot of damage if she slips.

She fell on it wrong. She taints you. She taints you right on the crown. It's baboinga, right? The bone in your dick. Especially if she's got some good fucking thigh muscles and maybe she plays volleyball or something good at good at jumping uh duncan i was listening to your podcast the other day and you say that you've only had sex on the road once like you don't take advantage of the the like i've seen it club i've seen it i saw a beautiful crazy girl trying to get Duncan to sleep with her.

Do you – are you not a horny sex maniac? No, no, no, man. I get really fucking horny, but I'm – like I – well, there's two things. One, I tend to have a girlfriend and I don't – I'm monogamous. So that's one thing. have a girlfriend and I don't, I'm monogamous. So I, I, that's one thing. But when that's not happening, then generally there's this, it's like, I get, I really get in my head about it. And so I think about, I overthink it. Like I'm way in my head about everything. Like I'm, I live in my head most of the time. And, and when you live in, there's good things about living in

your head and what, but when it comes to fucking and jumping into this primal animalistic state that creates the best sexual experience where you just let go and and and it's it's more difficult to me especially out on the fucking road because uh i consider the lead up to it and i consider the follow follow like after you fuck you know what i mean and it's like because porn is the ultimate because with porn you jerk off to porn and that's it you don't have to like walk porn to the door you don't have to like have a like with porn it's done it's not going to call you up like porn that you've looked at is not going to call you up and be like i'm fucking pregnant you know what i mean? It's just done.

And so you just get this middle thing. When you watch porn, you don't see the beginning. You don't see what happens right before the porn shoot or God forbid 10 years, the, the, you know, the girl like walking in on her dad, fucking a dog or something, or, or, or getting fingered by her uncle. You just see this incredible, beautiful, primal moment of fucking. And you don't see afterwards after the porn shoot you know what i mean that weird moment in the car driving back from a porn shoot you know you wipe a little jizz out of your hair right you know you don't you that whole thing you just get that one burst right so on the road it's like fucking on the road it seems

like there's a lot of pitfalls there and a lot of weird dangers. It's a lot more than just like, you know, what would be in a 70s movie. But like I said, I think too much. You know what I mean? I'm clearly overthinking it. Satanists are all about doing that stuff. You know, I had a friend who was a Satanist and he said that in life, and I remember it was really, it's really rough when a Satanist says something that seems like absolutely true. But he's like, you know, this is coming from a guy with Lucifer tattooed on his chest. But he said, you know, in life, he said, hell, hell is not some place where you burn forever. Hell is that moment that you're dying.

That moment when you're at your deathbed or you're in the car, you're sitting in the car, wherever the fuck you are. You're dying. And your mind goes back and thinks about all those opportunities you had to experience life to the fullest. All those chances you had to dive into life and suck the marrow out of life. And you did not appear. That's hell. Now, that was coming from – No, hell is way worse than that because that – you could just jerk off and take a nap if that's what your life is.

That's not that bad. What do you mean? Being disappointed in life is not as bad as being tortured by Mongols. That's what I mean. Well, I mean he was saying hell doesn't exist you know the whole christian idea of hell is nonsense that the only real hell since there is no hell absolutely if there was obviously if there was a real christian hell where demons fly down and put their balls in your mouth and like slice you into bits every five minutes wouldn't you be surprised if it actually was a hell fucked up would that be if If there was a hell? If hell was real. I mean, think about how fucking stupid you would feel.

If you were actually being confronted by demons, they were flaying your eternal soul. You'd be like, motherfucker, I can't believe it. They warned me. Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine how crazy it would be if you got down there and there was a devil? Some dude, he's got goat horns. You did not believe now you suffer yeah they just start ripping you apart piece by piece

over and over again and they put you back together again for eternity well see this is the funny thing about hell man when you want to really get into the hell talk or the hell trip i know people who've had hell trips you've ever you've probably never had the hell trip like they bad tripped and felt like they were in hell yeah where you start thinking like I mean cuz look when you're talking about hell we're talking about a torture chamber created by the well obviously I do not believe this but if we're talking about hell it's a torture chamber created by the creator of the known universe so it is the most advanced torture chamber that could possibly exist it's created by the most advanced being psychotic in this case but the most advanced

being so in a real torture chamber your means of torture are not going to be so obvious as like burning fire and it burns your skin the first thing you'd want people to think is that they're not in a torture chamber you'd want them to think that there's some hope, some hope for like peace. This is as long as they were hoping for peace and thinking that there was going to be some moment of tranquility, it would like increase their levels of disappointment to the maximum. So that's the hell trip. The hell trip is where you start thinking like, oh shit, this is it. This is hell. We've been, this is, this is hell we've been this is this is the ultimate torture device devised by some maniacal insane god that everyone's popped into and instead of like remembering where they're at they're just like oh no this is totally normal and gotta go through traffic in the morning gotta go through

three hour commutes you know what i mean that's hell you don't even know you're there you don't even know you're there maybe don't even know you're there maybe slowly you start i don't think that by the way the opposite works too you know you can also think that this is heaven and you're just too dumb to see it you get to this you know you can pick with those two uh different like mythological constructs or just abandon those ideas and just deal with the present because it's the only thing you really know. And we do know that when you live in hell, when we use that, oh, that guy lives in hell, it's a series of shitty choices,

a bad circumstance, bad luck, a combination of all the above. And most of the time when you use that term, a guy lives in hell, you're talking about a guy who's under someone's thumb. term a guy lives in hell you're talking about a guy who's under someone's thumb whether it's uh right whether it works for some crazy company you know that you know demands him working 16 hours a day and his weekends and you know there's a lot of guys that live in hell that are like executives at studios and stuff like that like those are crazy ass jobs you know uh we're working in you

know i mean there's i'm sure like stock market along those lines, like anything financial, there's probably a lot of people that are forced to wear crazy fucking hours, right? That's right. And if you have like real restrictive work conditions, you have to wear a suit and tie. You have to fucking be very formal around the office. Nobody can fuck around. Nobody can relax all day. Most of your day

is just buttoned up and locked down yeah yeah man that's definitely one version of when you hear people say that they're in hell it's a um but still you know there's this uh idea you know krishnamurti you ever heard of krishnamurti no jay krishnamurti he's this philosopher the indian philosopher who was like this kid who was discovered by the theosophists and the theosophists were this strange spiritual group. And I don't know a lot about them, but they – Madame Blatavsky was the woman's name. But they spotted this Indian kid at the beach and one of them was like his aura is amazing or something. And they sort of took this kid in and groomed this child. And he eventually became this brilliant philosopher. And as part of his like evolution,

turned his back on theosophy and said, it's, that's not that, you know, it's more, he got really into the idea of being in the moment. And I actually, on one of my podcasts, I put a awesome sound clip of him talking about how the past, you carry the past with you. The past is in you right now. It doesn't exist. There's no past. There's just your encoded memories of things that have happened. And the future is something you create through everything that you do, but there's no future either. It's like you're this packet, like a DNA packet, the way their DNA sort of spawns a specific type of cell, what you do with what you carry around with you in every single moment spawns your reality around you, which is why people who, you know, you always will run into people like, I don't

know why this always happens to me. I always get dumped. I just don't understand it. I always get dumped or I always end up in this predicament or that predicament. Well, the reason is you're like a caterpillar or a silkworm and you're spinning your reality with every action that you do, because that's all there is. It's just this, you know, this moment. So you end up with a shit boss, you know, and you've ended up there just because you've been diluted by the, by your perception of time of time you know that's the fucking trick because

people listening to this have a shit boss shit wife shit girlfriend shit husband shit whatever you know what i mean and in this awesome sound clip jay krishnamurti says the only thing that you can do is right now at this moment make a radical psychological change in your apprehension of the universe at this moment, at this moment with the shit boss, with whatever. It takes this radical – you have to break free of everything you've been taught because we've all been taught to think that there's a future and we've all been taught to think there's a past. There's also an issue that people have that this narrative has been sort of spelled out for us by our parents. that people have that this narrative has been sort of spelled out for us by our parents. And then as we get old enough, when we get into our 20s or in our 30s, we really understand it. We're like, oh, my God, they were just clueless folks just like we are.

Like the idea that anybody had a handle on how to do this right. And then you just look at the fact that these people – I mean your parents and my parents are from a generation where they got to our age before there was an internet. I mean they're literally – they're different human beings. It's a completely different style of human being. It's human being one. We're human being two. One, we're a human being too. And there's human being three that are being born right now that will only know insane levels of technological proficiency from the time that they're aware when they're three or four until they're dead when it's insane. That's right. This is the strangest times of all.

And no one knows how to run it now no one knows how to figure this out no one knows the the more information keeps coming in the weirder things start getting the fucking meteors landing in russia the fact that no one even saw those coming and that there was a giant asteroid that whipped overhead within a day of that yes and it was inside the outer band of satellites like there's there's a lot of weirdness to this world that we live in that we're just not taking into consideration at all right well fuck yeah man and it all started i mean and generally with people it all like that that thing where we like just don't think about them as a species we are living in the same way a modern individual

lives. A species as a whole is living in a state of delusion. The species as a whole is pretending that the most important thing is solving whatever little religious war or territory-based war

or economic problem. They think that's the most important thing. And the way we're living as a species is all based on the notion of there being the individual instead of the totality of the race. So this way of living is one of denial. So the human race right now exists on a planet where we blow each other up every single day, fight these ridiculous wars, fight against each other, and completely ignore the fact that we are floating in the void. And this planet on the regs, on the regs, gets smashed by fucking meteors.

Now, why the fuck would we not be doing the obvious thing, which would be in this situation, if the first thing you would do is figure out, okay, let's come up with a foolproof way to control meteors. Then we'll fight. Then let's fight the wars. There might not be one. And not only that, a lot of these asteroids that they're picking up, they're coming in from amateur astronomers, like a good percentage of them. Oh, yeah, I know. There's not that many professionals watching the sky.

Well, this is the whole thing where they say like one month of – we stopped one month of war in Afghanistan. You know that number, right? If you stopped war for one month in Afghanistan, you could pay for everybody in the United States to go to college for free. It's some kind of crazy number. Now, that number might be two months. So in the same way, if you consider that, you know what I mean? What I'm saying is as a species species our priorities are a little weird and as an individual you know people in the same way they spend most of their time ignoring the fact that there's a subjective meteor that's going

guaranteed going to smash into your life at some point which is old age disease and death there's no way around it so people spend their time ignoring that fact as well you know it's a it makes sense in a way i mean thinking about it's so fucking intense it's a lot easier to worry about your own personal problems the little things you know yeah i want to i want to find this military budget cut thing if that true. That one month of the military budget, if you cut it out. Yeah. It wouldn't surprise me.

Just find out what the yearly military budget is, you know? It's like, look, this is the fucking thing that Neil deGrasse Tyson posts, which is like the picture of the meteor or whatever, and this is why we need to work, you know? This is why I need to work on the space program what the fuck can we do you know what i also think

i think that school should be free i think we should be paying for for whatever it is college high school everything i think i think school should be free always i think it should be free and it should be encouraged and we should pay for for it with our taxes. I would rather pay for fucking like a really high-level school that kids could go to even if they were poor. I would way rather pay for that than pay for more military bullshit, more drones. Absolutely. Drones above – I mean you could do that. That could be something that could be done. Sure.

I mean that's the thing. You could do that. That could be something that could be done. Sure. I mean that's the thing. But it can't be done as long as we're confused as a species into thinking that there are religions that are more important than religions or countries that are more important than other countries or people that are more important than other people. As long as we're stuck in that modality, well, then we're never going to fucking wake up to the fact that we have to shift. And saying this stuff suddenly sounds like you're singing goddamn a john lennon song but it's like for that fucking hit that motherfucker the only problem i have with john lennon is he was banging yoko ono i'm like

jesus dude you're john lennon don't hate don't hate don't hate that sweet yl please we've shown you the video of john lennon with chuck Berry singing when Yoko Ono starts screaming into the microphone. Like, aye, aye, aye, aye. Bill Burr does this bit on it. If you haven't heard this, you have to see it on YouTube. Go find it on YouTube. Bill Burr, Chuck Berry, Yoko Ono. It's fucking hilarious.

But back then, wasn't Asians more rare? It was almost like dating a... I mean, because all the war and stuff like that weren't easy to find. She's a ding-a-ling. When we were in Florida... It's like dating a red panda. It's not that important that a person's race. It's not that important.

It's like, who the fuck are they? That checks the loon. Yeah, but that was probably so in back then. I can't hate that. That's what he loved. are they that that that checks the loon yeah but that was probably so in back yeah i was probably like dating i can't hate that's what he loved i i don't blame him it's the only thing that i disagree with him on everything else i think he was brilliant he's pretty brilliant man i think i don't think anybody ever gets the whole package correct well no man not not in one run how do you know if this is your i'm an old soul you know everybody always

says that you know i think i've been around before i think i've had many lives no one ever goes i think this is i just i was a rabbit in the last life yeah and uh yeah fucking this is my first time as a person yeah nice to be on board yeah Yeah. No, everybody is, I'm an old soul. Well, yeah, there are a lot of people, a lot of Cleopatras out there. A lot of Cleopatras. Everybody in their past life was doing something awesome. Yeah. Ever notice that?

Yeah. No shit. No one ever finds out they were just homeless. Just losers shitting on themselves, sucking dick for homemade wine. Oh, man. That would be so fucking great to begging for crumbs be able to like remember all those things it'd be so great just to know you know in the way they can do your dna tests and they're like whoa you're like

you know partially scottish and there's some native american in there it'd be so cool to like analyze all your particles and be like oh yes four% of you came from the Alpha Centauri star cluster and the other 2%. You know what I mean? It would be super cool to know just the various star particulates that you're comprised of would be incredible. Or animals, like your 7% cat. I heard this and I'm not sure if it's correct.

So there's a disclaimer before I talk i i talk about it but they were talking about oh fuck i can't remember this now i'm trying to uh it's too it's too weird i'll i'll get back to it i'll get back to it it's uh i'm trying to remember how it goes it's i don't want to fuck this up i'm going to look it up and make sure that i get it right what about that clint tarantino video oh but before that what were we just talking about just before that we're talking about tracing your weird dna back and i don't know i can't remember how he got there oh that was what it was okay so this is the this is the i don't know if this is true but they believe that within the next 100 years they will have a computer that is powerful enough – you ready for this?

To take into account everything that exists today and use it in a numerical equation that will show everything that ever existed and every action and interaction that ever took place in the past in order to get to that position so they'll basically look at all the buildings they'll look at all the people they'll look at literally every component on earth and that computers will be so powerful that from seeing what exists now and knowing the amount of time the earth has existed the computer will be able to paint you an incredibly accurate absolute simulation of every single action in its form including whatever words you said to a girlfriend when you were pissed about that it's all just one gigantic equation every time you hit your horn at a red light every time you said fuck yeah when highway to hell came on all those things you could literally know everything that happened based on everything that exists well this is that

yeah well you say it doesn't seem possible but i well your fart theory comes in effect how do we know if you farted or not well the but this is the idea, but you're not really totally paying attention. I know what you mean. I was just kidding. Okay. The idea is that when you can have – there's these things that they're coming up with, and they're almost like the size of a large grain of sand or like smaller than a grain of rice. And they can take photographs, video. They can send images, Wi-Fi wirelessly, they can also have a GPS locator that tells you exactly where they are.

So essentially you can have a data bank of cameras with dust. You can spray dust over a city, okay? These little powder things, they'd be everywhere, you'd never clean them all up and you would essentially have a rough picture of everything that's going on all the time. Yes. Once you got to that point, you could get an accurate account of everything that exists on the earth. All the water, all the – I mean it's not outside the realm of possibility. in our crude technological way where 200 years ago we were riding animals and you didn't have cars you couldn't take pictures within 200 years we could do that we can tell you how many acres something is we can tell you we can do a radio frequency test or whatever the fuck they do to find out what's in the ground what's what the soil is made out of we can get a pretty rough

account of what we've got around us well if they can get to a point where they can literally tell you everything that exists and have it calculated, everything that exists in this form on Earth right now, and know how long and know what we know about human history and put it all into account and be able to actually see a recreation of everything that's ever happened. Well, here's the thing that the one little piece you're missing here, it's so funny you're saying this because I got super stoned in Vancouver and started thinking about something like this, but here's the thing you're missing.

Yes, but you know what that is you just described? What? That's a fucking time machine when you add one more component to it, which is a neurological interface that instead of you watching, it places you inside of the recreation. So now you're able to zoom backwards through this like simulated past reality

based on like, well, if this happened before this, we can figure out what happened before that. And there would be a kind of rate of entropy too based on like the further back you got, the less accurate your prediction of things that happened would be it seems like. I don't think you'd be able to perfectly – Yeah, you wouldn't be able to do smell because there's no smell technology that would know all the kinds of smell like apple pie and stuff like that. Well, maybe it could simulate. Maybe it could like –

That's actually kind of a good point. That's what your fart theory is. That's what I was talking about. Well, what I'm basing it on though is events and like things that have caused – like why – You ever go to the Big Island? you ever go to the the big island you ever been to the big island the big island is actually the least populated it's less populated than oahu or maui but a big one half of a side of it is all lava fields it's all just like you know that that fucking thing exploded like recently like within the last who knows how many hundred years whatever and there's lava like rock all over the place if you could you could accurately say okay well this lava

has been around for 150 years and before that it was pastures and they actually have photos of it you know you could have you could you could have like the locals describe what happened when in 1820 the lava came over the top and and covered town. We can get sort of a pretty decent picture based on stuff like that. I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility that they can get a totally accurate picture of history. Oh, wait. Here's the other part I forgot. This is another piece of technology that you need based on the idea that you have this insanely advanced computer, right? Right.

And the idea that they could, you know, what they're doing with the human genome project, somehow they finally pull that off with the human brain so that you could start doing brain scans and gather people's memories together. That's the other piece of it. So then what you end up having is instead of just having these particulates that scan the geographical makeup of the planet,

you also have somehow the ability to absorb the memories and the actual memories of human beings. Could you imagine, though, if somebody else had to go and access your memories? You'd be like, what the fuck am I

looking at? It's just like blurry legs and some girl's butt where she shows it to you and you know a tv show that you barely can remember the plot i mean how fucking accurate is your memory i mean the idea of tapping into your memories and then putting it on you'd be watching like the most retarded animated gif file ever that's what it would be it's like bang boom bang boom here's where it gets really crazy it would be like a fine video but it'd be a little longer it would be blurrier

that'd be way blurrier that's so true man that's a funny thing you're saying that's like an existentialist idea that's an existential idea which is this idea of like our actual lives when you consider your pov yeah are so the opposite of movies and so the opposite of the construct of like some beginning and some ending in some middle place. It really is just this blur of like coffee's going in the mouth. Yeah. Turn the radio. You know, it's like it's a significant moments come afterwards. You like sort of decide the significant moments and that's what you relate. But there's far more moments of just driving in between those significant moments or walking or like – it's a very – it is a blur.

Human existence is mostly just a blur. Memory is a blur. Memory is very sketchy. That's why people – like Neil deGrasse Tyson gets out of jury duty. He says he doesn't trust eyewitness testimony. Right. And they're like, get out of here. But he's right.

It's been shown to be wrong. I mean, people have gone to jail because of a false eyewitness testimony with the people who are testifying. Yeah. The people who are testifying were absolutely convinced that they were right, but they were wrong. And the wrong people went to jail. It's been proven. It happens. Especially when you're under stressful situations who knows

what the fuck you're seeing what you remember you know i think a lot of these like uh bigfoot sightings and you know and wild animal sightings i bet there's a lot a lot to that as well i think when you're in a stressful situation something freaks you out there's a bear or something all of a sudden that bear becomes bigfoot you know the bear runs. And you're like, it was fucking Bigfoot, man. I swear to God, it was Bigfoot. Meanwhile, it's midnight in the middle of Columbus, Ohio woods. You can't see shit out there. How the fuck do you know if it's Bigfoot?

Yay, Columbus. Powerful Columbus this weekend. You know what I'm saying, Duncan? Yeah, I do know what you're saying, man. Can't trust eyewitness testimony. You can't trust. Yeah. If I got a hold of your memories, I'd be like, but Duncan, what did you do to that baby you'd be like no dude that was a doll i got a i got a

video in my mind of a baby getting waterboarded it would just be it wouldn't be so exciting i think it'd just be murky and like uh what if they found out that waterboarding only works on babies and little esther that would be incredible if you waterboard babies and they start coughing up information. They just tell you everything they know. In different languages. I like poopy. I like carrots. Would we support waterboarding?

If you could interrogate babies and find out what happened before they were born, I think it would be worth a try. We know Alex Jones believes that Zero Dark Thirty was a government propaganda film supporting terrorism. That's not how they got that information. It's a lie. Yeah, man. Yeah, you can't torture babies for information. No Geneva Convention is going to allow that shit. Do they even have a Geneva Convention anymore?

It's like a Geneva flea market now. Oh, my God. The Geneva Convention. Yeah, what is that? That goes against a Geneva Convention anymore? It's like a Geneva flea market now. Oh, my God. The Geneva Convention. Yeah, what is that? That goes against the Geneva Convention. Yeah. That was like a big thing in movies, right? Always.

When someone's doing something bad, they're going against the Geneva Convention. Oh, Jesus. That's a significant thing. It's like the Constitution. It's generally the criminal knows the Geneva Convention. It's like you can't do this because of the Geneva Convention. Then he gets left off the hook. geneva the geneva convention yeah we need a we need a 2013 we made it past the mayans convention yes let's get together and go listen let's look at this

realistically wouldn't that be great wouldn't that just be fucking great that's what i love fantasizing about man i love fucking thinking about that that thing that finally happens when everything just we we finally turn away from these ridiculous uh our addiction to leaders you know what i mean and we and we turn away from like our addiction to matter and then god damn it man it'd be so fucking awesome we could really we could whip i bet if all of humanity just started working on it right now together, we could whip up a spaceship that would probably travel. I bet we could have a light speed traveling spaceship in 10 years. I think one of the reasons why this podcast resonates so much with people is the conversations that we have sometimes where this is not an alien way of thinking this is this is like a really smart way of thinking it makes sense and it seems like it

would be beneficial to all including the people that are in power but if you hear that if you hear someone saying something like that you automatically assume that they're a fucking loon yeah i know you're not allowed to say these things there's like there's just some basic truths though and when you espouse you know when you say them people will definitely get weird out like when you do say the truth the truth is the continents weren't named that right for they've only been named that for a very short time yeah you know north america was not north america 2 000 years ago you know what i mean that so you so you so that's number one number one is the names that we've given these

things are not the real names number two is when you say that this is this country well it is right now you know is it you think it's going to be this country in 500 years but for a lot of people it doesn't matter because it is right now you know that gives them like uh like look i'm a fucking american back off i'm an american keep my second amendment right always always weird this is what america is about always weird but america is in a lot of ways about those people because those people represent a large chunk of the population the people who want to keep their guns the people that you know like nascar and that's what they like as long as they're not criminals as long as they pay taxes america has to represent them and one of the ways you gotta have some low level

patriotism type thing going on well america yeah fuck yeah yeah i mean that's legit it works it gets people pumped up they They like rooting for teams. Well, right. Ape-like people. Ape-like people like tribal sort of things. They love it. And those teams are always fucking up. And back in the fucking day, think about there was a great team.

It was called the Christians and the Witches. And they were incinerating fucking witches. And that was also part of being an American at one time. Well, you know that. Burning the witches. You know what that's witches. Having a slave. Killing the Indians. That's just like part of being a Catholic at one time was being an inquisitor.

You know what I mean? It's always weird. The team thing is great from a sentimental perspective. And it's like, I get it. You want to be an American? Great. You want to love the country? Great.

I do love this country. But guess what? I love fucking humans. Do you know the story behind the latest theory of the witch trials? Yeah. Ergot. Yeah. Tripping balls.

Yeah. Yeah. The latest theory involves a premature frost. They were growing wheat, apparently. And when they have a frost, when the plants freeze and then thaw out, sometimes they get weird funguses. And this one, they did some soil samples, and they found that there was sometime around that area, around where they were doing the Salem Witch Trials, was they had early frost. And they had, I think they found evidence of this stuff, this ergot stuff.

It's very common, though, on wheat. And it's like acid. I mean, it's basically very similar to taking acid. That's awesome if that's true. Well, they're almost positive. They're almost positive. I mean, scientifically, it all lines up because they know that it's happened before, that people have gotten wheat that's been poisoned by it.

And they've gotten sick and they've had hallucinations. So if you've got a whole country or a whole city that's eating the wheat for who knows how long that's filled with ergot. But there's some speculation as to whether or not it would be still psychoactive after you baked it. I've seen people that disagree with it. But in my opinion, I mean, it seems to be a likely candidate. Well, there's also the thing where there was like an oppressive religious structure confusing people into thinking that there was a devil. Yeah, it could just be a high-level percolation of crazy. It could just be, let's burn witches.

Let's take this shit to the next level. Bloop. And then we got to blame it on something. Yeah. Because, I mean, you look at the stuff that – I mean people are getting burned as witches in Africa right now and they're not – There's no ergot? There's no ergot. Yeah.

Usually there's just a bunch of horny, angry guys who want to fucking torture a bitch. That's what it is, man. bitch that's what it is man and it's like also it's it's the it's the uh it's the uh you know it's it's the it's the bad version of like the well if of the of what they call the patriarchy too i mean the fucking witch burnings were just the same as us like killing the indians in a different way it was like there was a religion that existed before uh catholicism came rolling through planet earth and that religion was what we call paganism which is country dwellers is what that means just people who are more in tune with the earth knew about herbs and stuff didn't um that's why you know all of our holidays are fucking weird yeah all of our holidays are they're all mismatched they're all mismatched

weird shit that we don't really understand based on jupiter and like just strange fucking lupercalia is what valentine's day is is lupercalia you know about that you know what lupercalia was what's up lupercalia is fucking crazy man you would get like on valentine's day around valentine's day it was called the festival lupercalia and looper was some kind of wolf god that the romans worshipped so what you would do is you would um as i recall i looked it up on wikipedia you can look it up guys and you'll find a much more detailed spell it out to me lupercalia l-u-p-e-r-c-a-l-i-a yeah read that shit that's what valentine's day used to be uh but saint valentine of course was a uh a saint a catholic saint yeah looper cali that's how you spell it looper cali um wow this is amazing yeah it's very interesting it's very interesting ancient possibly pre-roman pastoral festival observed on february

13th through 15th to avert evil spirits and purify the city releasing health and fertility wow but read what they did dude wow they whipped they they like were they were like there was flogging involved in this festival it's very strange but but that's what you know that that preceded that was the religion that preceded the one that is currently the dominant religion. And that old religion didn't get – they weren't just like, you know what? We're not going to worship the wolf god anymore. It was – they were getting torched. And I don't think it was based on eating like fungus.

I think it was because it's two combating paradigms that didn't – that don't work together at all. And I'm not saying either one is necessarily logical, but one is more based on the way the earth works and the other one is based on the way like old dudes try to control people. Yeah. That's where – that's the – the i mean dude this whole fucking pope thing to me it's crazy crazy and hilarious that we even pay attention to what that clown is doing how is that even making the news there's some weird fucking group of people who do like the most bizarre ceremonies who i don't sanctioned sanctioned by governments and mass media. No one calls it a cult. The guy's wearing a fucking wizard outfit with a fish head hat. If you tried to do that today and tried to say, I am adorned of God. He has brought to me this information. You set up a shop. They would think you were a fucking loon. But because of the fact that it's been around for a long time, this guy has a direct lineage. We're supposed to take it seriously. We're supposed to take it seriously, and we're supposed to fucking ignore all the shit Catholicism did. Well, how about the shit he did?

He released a priest that had molested 200 deaf boys. Two hundred. He let him go, huh? He let him go. Just let him go. He brought him into psychiatric. Instead of bringing him in and getting him prosecuted, they brought him in for psychiatric treatment. And this guy went on to – they went to another parish and molested more boys.

I mean it's fucking craziness. He did that time and time again. He took people away from being prosecuted and sent them to psychiatric care. And they're free. They're free to go. They're free. They're walking around the street. Some of them are in these huge religious retreat places that they have, beautiful grounds.

And these guys are just wandering around taking care care of it for the rest of their life. And they're child molesters. There's a place like that up where I live. Yeah. So, right. So that's happening. And they don't pay taxes. They don't pay fucking taxes.

That is fucking crazy. All that shit is crazy. The idea that they should be able to make golden buildings and not pay taxes. Bitch, are you out of your fucking mind? Can you fucking imagine? That's a business it's a fucking business you're not no you don't talk directly directly for god it's 2013 stop stop your bullshit you're not telling the truth you don't know that much i don't believe you i think you are very charismatic and there's a lot of people that want to believe you, and they'll go along with it.

But you're talking crazy. God's not talking to you, stupid. No, you're an asshole. You're an asshole, and you're taking their money. And we've got to make sure that this stops with our generation. We've got to make sure that future generations don't have a gigantic religious leader, don't they don't have a gigantic religious leader someone who tells them based on some nutty shit that was written thousands of years ago by people who drew on animal skins but also it spreads that the way that looks with catholicism is just one version of the problem the other problem is the

guy who calls you know there's like in the way there's a pope there's also a dude who calls himself the president but instead of representing some phantasmal force called God, he says, I represent the will of the people. Yet he doesn't really represent the will of the people. It doesn't seem like that when he goes to, when they do the polls and as it turns out, you know, and I'm not just the president, of course, the government as a whole, the president doesn't have totalitarian power, but I don't think that the president really represents the will of the people. And I don't think Congress represents the will of the people. And I don't think Senate represents the will of the people any more than the Pope represents the will of God. And I think it's this imaginary thing that we're supposed to believe in because it makes us feel more comfortable as though these

people are really enacting the will of the people. think the will of the people is a that we want peace we want to be able to like we we do want security we want education but we don't want fucking war oppression with iran yeah we don't want fucking war with ira ira iraq how the fuck do you say i forget to say that i got so stirred up we don't want it nobody wants war and if there is it's a small faction of people sweaty red-faced cocksuckers you know or like that awful thin fucking scarecrow cunt and coulter yeah jesus christ she's like something that baphomet fucking coughed up like a hairball that satan rejected did you see her getting booed at the libertarian convention no this fucking oh she fucking had the audacity like in front of the libertarian convention she

said they were asking her like you know do you think gay people can get married and she's like yes gay people can get married to members of the opposite sex. You bitch. You dirty, tap-dancing, scandalous bitch. She's such a beast, man. So anyway, what I'm saying is there's a small faction of these pigs, you know what I mean, that grabbed the spotlight and produced this illusion. And certainly one of the great illusions is the idea that the Pope represents God, governments represent the people, television represents reality. What we have happening on this planet is dramatic cases

of misrepresentation coming from a small minority of people who've managed to grab power. And this creates an illusion that people try to live by. And the reason everything's all fucked up is because it's not based on what's really happening. Yeah. And I believe that's one of the reasons why government likes to keep religion in positions of power and keep them tax free, because it helps when people are in big groups. It helps when people are already indoctrinated to the rules of the group, because then you're more likely to be a person who listens to rules. The real issue with absolving all religion is not the denial of the existence of God, but the denial of man's knowledge of exactly what God is, who God is, what God wants. And instead, all you can do is base it on the wisdom of ancient teachings that we know to be true today.

A lot of that is real. Being able to treat people the way you would want to be true today a lot of that is real um being able to treat people the way you would want to be treated yourself and in fact treat people as if they were you living another life that's how i literally try to do that i try to do that gets a little taxing when you're like why am i such a fucking loser in this other life you know it gets annoying why am i a dickhead in this other life but if you if you just think about some of the things that people associate with religion the the the the ideas the good ideas of charity and love and family the values of virtue in your ethics and the way you think of of your your fellow citizens your fellow humans that you're

in this colony with that's those are all really super positive for the most part it's mixed in with a lot of scare tactics and fear and nonsense and who knows when that was all added that's the real problem but we know when we feel great we know when we will feel filled with love when we we know when our life is at its best and it's it's real simple it's being around people that you also love they love you you're unconditional you're all friendly you're all happy and not having a bunch of shit that bothers you as far as like man i should have been a singer or man i should have played baseball or man i should have given it a shot or man why didn't i call her that night say i'm sorry why did i have to be whatever the fuck it is whatever it is

when you have regret when you're in that weird state of regret i'm very extreme with that because i try to be like i'm very harsh on myself as far as like uh monitoring what negativity and positivity and making sure that i'm in like a good a good track you know and when you when you like judge yourself to be like in a bad place or judge that can really distract all of your creativity when it can it can completely fuck with uh any new positive things that are moving forward it's instead you've gone on to correction duty then you have to look at like how did this sort of behavior manifest itself what was the cause is it alcohol induced is it insecurity induced like what what what happened were the were the combinations of factors that led you to be a douchebag?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. What was wrong that made you have a mediocre set? What was the thing that was bugging you where you sat in front of your computer for two hours and couldn't write shit? What is that? You've got to stop whatever that is. Stop whatever that is and make sure that doesn't happen again. And we have to sort of figure that out along the way.

And that's one of the weirdest things about being a human is we're all sort of figuring this out as this thing is in motion. And I always equate it to being like we woke up in the middle of a starship that's hurling towards a planet. And we're like waking up, hitting all the instruments going okay where are we we're going 75 million miles an hour how close is that planet okay are we gonna and are we gonna hit that planet does anybody know how to hit where are the brakes does this thing turn okay what happened how did we get here who built this fucking ship and how long we've been asleep yeah i mean we we literally are in the middle of not just a process but like a journey a process of constant re-evaluation and ingenuity and innovation where this technology that we're surrounded by is increasing in its power and ability like tenfold every couple years

like these crazy quantum levels where they're coming up with quantum computing and they're talking about the ability to put google glasses on and communicate with the fucking world all at the same time. There's – this time that we're at right now is just – it's almost as if we pick the perfect spot for the most action. Like the perfect spot for like the birth and emergence of technology into the forefront of mankind well you know that a lot of new agers you know uh say that the reason that the earth is so populated right now is because so many different beings from infinity from the multiverse are wanting to incarnate right now because it's such an exciting thing that's happening to the planet yeah that's a great way of looking at it yeah why are there so many entities incarnated right now because it's only like you only get one thing like this thing when a planet

pops you know when it like wakes up it's like a really beautiful thing to be a part of i love that i love that model i don't necessarily believe it and you know i love that that's a very empowering melissa etheridge style model melissa yeah that's just mostly because porn's more accepted and people I love that model. I don't necessarily believe it. I love that. That's a very empowering Melissa Etheridge-style model. Melissa Etheridge! Yeah, but that's just mostly because porn is more accepted and people are having more crazy sex and are open about sex, right? What? And younger – people are having sex younger. That's why there's so much of a population boom at this time because kids are watching porn.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Kids fuck exactly the same amount. Porn actually probably stops them from fucking as much because they jerk off. I don't believe that. The early 1900s, it's all about family and stuff. People weren't having crazy sex all over the place. You don't know your history, son. What do you think the Roaring Twenties were?

Those were all people fucking like wild animals. In New York City. Doctors were giving abortions. No, it wasn't in New York City, man. I think your perceptions of the world are a little off the the thing that brought people very conservative back to being conservative was the great depression so before the great depression which was in the 1930s we they were fucking going bananas people were going crazy and they that's what that was the roaring 20s they had speakeasies chicks were getting banged dudes were living a bachelor life. They were putting cocaine in coke. Yeah. Dudes were living

a bachelor life to the point where pool halls were, there was, I think, four times more pool halls in New York City than there are

Starbucks today. There were over a thousand pool halls in New York City at the turn of the century because people were just gambling. What do you mean kids?

Kids. Like young, like nowadays that the average person having sex for the first time is like 14 15 years old back then was probably 21 and 22 no you're wrong no you're wrong no wrong yeah you're wrong yeah no people it's like people have always had people have always had sex at a young age boys and girls have gotten together at a young age forever and fucked i don't imagine that there's any more or less fucking than has ever existed amongst teenagers if you leave them

alone they fuck you know and who fucks more than catholic school girls you really think religion religion's gonna stop you religion is not stopping a crazy bitch with a with a moist pussy if you leave almost any animal alone with itself i don oh fuck i don't buy that i don't buy that but the conservatism that we think of from like the 1950s well that was in response to the the fact that hitler had just come along and world war ii came along and our grandparents had to fight the nazis you know my grandfather worked in a plant that made a part for the atomic bomb that was like always the big thing that everybody would brag around the house. Grandpa makes a part in his factory that is for the atomic bomb.

So the conservatism that I think came in the 1950s, the fear, the McCarthy era when everybody was like, you're communists, everyone's a communist. We were worried about Russia doing the same shit we had just seen the Nazis do. So then the 60s come along. Boom, everybody finds drugs and free love and hippie shit, seen the Nazis do. So then the 60s come along. Boom! Everybody finds drugs and free love and hippie shit, and the government's like, what the fuck? Like, stop this.

Like, we're losing all... The government saw a bunch of soft men running around in sandals getting raped by Russians. The Russians just come over here and just storm our beaches and kick us into the fucking dirt. Everyone's on acid. Nobody wants to fight anymore. We're going to get overtaken by the Russians.ians the commies are everywhere did you go to the communist manifesto dinner i just want to know what it's all about blacklisted they there was like a wild

frenzy to stop the drugs and to stop stop communism and to stop any hippie bullshit and and you know and and put more power back to the government well that, that's the thing I've been thinking, dude, is that I think that there's basically two religions in the the turbulence man like behind it this is what's crazy about really severe catastrophic things happening in your life is like and why they call it an apocalypse personal apocalypse and why apocalypse means lifting of the veil you know it's like you see this fucking thing behind all the turbulence it's really weird after you've like gotten the initial prognosis or after you find out the bad news that you know you go into like shock kind of and then that fade and you pace around any process process and then this fades away and this fucking thing hit me you know and i felt it when i've been on a lot of psychedelics i

think you've kind of talked about it in your DMT trip story. But goddammit, it's this fucking thing behind everything that's saying everything's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. And you feel it. It's not bullshit. You're not delusional. You really pick up on this thing. What you feel is that you're caught up in the idea of this small loop being the big

picture that this small loop represents your reality and it's so important to you because you have loved ones and because you have car payments and because you have a job that you enjoy it's so important you this loop but then it allows you to see that this loop is just but a thread and an infinite ball of yarn Yeah that goes on forever and you and you look at it and just go okay And it's like it's gonna be okay. You're like, okay, because like you realize that life and the universe and everything we find everywhere we look is fractal and that it all is infinitely big all of it is infinitely

small and infinitely big and it exists everywhere we look there's no ever we never found well this is the end this is the end of matter here it is yeah it hits a wall and then there's nothing behind it no there's no wall man it goes down to subatomic particles that blink in and out of existence they're in a superposition so they're in two different places at one time they're moving and still at the same time it's fucking madness they disappear and they come back we don't know where the fuck they went and they can measure it but they don't know what it means and so i i i feel like it's probably got to be that with just life in in general and everything consciousness in general i think we're clinging on to this one particular consciousness and this one particular moment in time because i think the human race is here to do something i think we're a part of a process like bees making

honey or ants making an anthill and that all of our wackiness, whether it's ego or sexuality or the need that's how the movement represents itself. It represents itself through the fear of military conquest by the others. So we have to hit this technological superiority first, like sort of like the moon race, you know, whatever the fuck it is. When I look at the idea of our inability to grasp what we're doing and our continued movement in the same crazy direction, especially when it comes to war and the lack of respect people have for poor people and the lower classes and the lack of resources that are put into raising them back up. I almost look at it like it's natural. or raising them back up, I almost look at it like it's natural. If you look at every other animal's behavior, whether it's wolves and the alpha-beta representatives in the wolf pack and the way they have their social world structured, even if it's cruel, we see bears eat their cubs.

We understand that this is nature. Bears, one of their favorite things to do, grizzlies, they get up earlier before the females do in the spring and they go and hunt for baby bears. They go into the dens on purpose to eat the babies. Buffets. Yeah. They're motherfuckers, right? But that's natural and we know that's natural.

So we see it and we go, well, that's natural. That's what nature wants. We are the only thing that we think that can stop nature. We can stop the equation. We feel like we are intelligent and aware, and we are capable of stopping the equation that we find ourselves in. And I'm not so sure if that even makes sense. Well, here's – this is something I thought of. We're reading this great book about evolution.

Can I pee? Hold this. Oh, yeah, sure. Talk to Brian. He'll tell you about boners. Brian. He'll tell you about boners. Brian. What? What about that new PS4?

I don't know about that. You're not excited about it, huh? No, I don't care. I'm mildly excited about it. I'm excited about the next generation of these things coming out. Not as excited about the new Xbox, but I think it's pretty cool. Have you been playing games at all? I haven't really been playing games at all.

Yeah. I've been playing this game called Far Cry 3. Oh, you really? Yeah. That's a weird change of game for you. Well, it's funny because the characters in it are douchebags. It's really a cheesy storyline. It's like a bunch of actors get kidnapped by like tribal members, and it's very funny the way that they communicate with each other.

Like we're going to get back to Santa Monica, bro. It's really weird. You know, like they've like – they all are in the film industry or something. So it's cheesy it's like a chance to and also like the main character as he progresses gets a tribal armband that keeps growing on his arm like it's definitely the game seems to have been made by somebody who was like definitely into techno and cocaine but it's still a very fun game little esther's watching us right now and i've been having a side conversation she wants to get fake boobs for real yeah she's just trolling you no she really does want fake boobs she has

a nice rack that girl you try to think of it yeah I've never seen little Astor's booth I apologize for that I'm usually very professional when it comes to my urine you gotta go when you gotta go I drank a big kombucha before the Whole Foods started getting the new kombuchas in again. Do you know that kombucha tea, like when you get it like GT's kombucha or Synergy, it was like more than one half of 1% alcohol. So you had to be over 21 to buy it. Wow. And you still have to be over 21 to buy it. But they just got it back on the shelves.

They had like a diluted form of it, which is still healthy. The kombucha is still good, but it's not as good as the true fermented live culture. Huh. Yeah, it's fucking delicious. I love that stuff. Oh, it's so good. If you get a taste for that, it's so healthy. It's really good.

Because I'll drink a Diet Coke and feel like a loser. I'm just like, what am I doing? What am I doing? Do I want to fuck my body up? Like, why? You know, I'd rather drink a Coke because I know it's just fatty. I don't know what the fuck these unnatural sweeteners do for you. I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck they do. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's dangerous and what's not. But I know sugar just gets you fat. I mean, it might give you diabetes if you've got a wacky system. But basically, it just gets you fat i mean it might give you diabetes if you if you got a wacky system but basically just gets you fat when you take that aspartame you know there's like significant evidence at point that that stuff causes cancer like brain cancer well i do i eat

a lot of that shit yeah i don't think you should take a lot of aspartame yeah you know the linda's six a day linda yeah trenta iced coffee i I think the only shit that they've shown that's really safe is Stevia. Stevia is natural. It doesn't taste that good. No, even lately there's been some shit on Stevia. Really? Yeah. Oh, I haven't heard that.

Because Stevia's a plant. What's that stuff, the syrup? Agave is pretty good. Oh, that's what I use. No, agave is actually not good for you. Really? That's not good for you? Yeah, ag is actually not good for you really yeah agave is not that is so disappointing agave is high in like uh sugary syrup i love that stuff i had no idea i thought it was fine it's not like honey like honey is actually good for you agave is not good for you it's just sugar what a mess but it's not bad for you i mean it's like

the real problem with sugar is if you get it without all the other shit that it's attached to like if you get sugar from fruit it's not nearly as bad for you as a spoonful of sugar you get you take a spoonful of sugar and your body's just like jolt like that you're not supposed to get that in that form and when you're drinking coke you're drinking like several spoonfuls just pounded it into your bloodstream. I wonder how many spoonfuls of aspartame is in a Diet Coke. No one has done that. I've never seen that shit.

Well, even juices. That's the criticism of fruit juices. The criticism of fruit juices is you're getting far too much sugar. You're really supposed to do is drink water and eat oranges because when you eat an orange, it's attached to fiber. It's attached to cellulose all the different you know plant whatever the fuck the an orange the fruit is made of it's like you're supposed to get that that's that's the that's the nutritional package you're supposed to get fibers along with it you know it's like one of the reasons why kale shakes are so good

as opposed to juicing like this guy the whole foods was talking to me about that like do you juice i said i like juicing too i like juicing. Juicing is great for getting a lot of chlorophyll, a lot of – you can get highly concentrated greens if you juice. But the fiber is really good for you too. And when – if you can just choke it down. I know a lot of people are like, oh my god, what are you eating? Just choke it down. You mean your kale shakes? Yeah, those are disgusting.

I got to piss. Go ahead. Go ahead and piss. You say they're nasty, but they're so good for you, man. And I can't tell you how many people that I've run into at these shows that like this one dude in Anaheim this weekend. He said he lost 200 fucking pounds. He showed me a picture of him standing next to Dan Henderson. And he was like, where is it, Ben Henderson?

Hmm. Not sure. Blurry picture. I forgot to Dan Henderson. And he was like, where's the Ben Henderson? Hmm. Not sure. Blurry picture. Um, I forgot to ask him, but he was enormous. And now he's like 200 pounds. I was like, that is insane. I go, I go, that's incredible. He goes, dude, it was just listening to the podcast. He goes, you guys changed my life. He goes, I started thinking about things positive and realizing what can I do to affect my quality of life so i started drinking kale shakes every day i started working out just a little going on walks 200 fucking pounds this guy lost it's crazy check this out oh yeah yeah this is and by the way that 200 pound thing that's just one of them i ran into some folks in north carolina they had lost over 100 one guy the guy lost 100 the girl lost 90 i mean I run into it all the time.

It's nuts. It's unexpected. What this is, we're about to play, is Quentin Tarantino. You've talked about this before a while ago, too. Yeah, but this is unconnected, this video is. Quentin Tarantino, my favorite director of all time. If you tell me, like, if there's a new Quentin Tarantino movie, I know I'm going to have a good time. The guy's a nut.

But like a lot of nuts, he's nuts. And he's a brilliant director, but he's a chameleon socially. And I noticed it when I was listening to him on, I had the Sirius XM in my other car, in my last car. And I listened to him on i had the the serious xm in my other car in my last car and uh i listened to him he was on stern and he sounded almost effeminate like uh almost gay or very i should say very submissive maybe i don't know where you're looking for is autistic maybe it's that yeah he might be that or maybe he's got like um maybe he's um asperger's or something like that yeah um but so then he goes on opie and anthony and then when he was on opie and anthony he was one of the guys he's like you know open anthony are like regular guys you know so you go on that show and jimmy

norton's there talking about trannies and you're like i'm one of the guys we're all one of the guys we're hanging out here guys we're hanging out guys guys are hanging out then he goes on the jamie foxx show and he's black and it's not really like he sounds black he sounds like an old white guy trying to talk cool and he's talking black to uh you know listen you want to talk about black dudes who are bad motherfuckers okay then there's obviously in pop culture in athletics and you know there's been many, many African Americans that have pulled off some staggering shit. Jamie Foxx is a motherfucker, okay? Jamie Foxx won, didn't he win like a Grammy?

He could sing his fucking dick off, okay? You hear him sing when he played Ray Charles? That motherfucker is talented. That guy can play. He can play piano. That motherfucker is talented. That guy can play. He can play piano.

He sings like a fucking – like as good as a professional famous singer can sing. I mean the dude is ultra super talented. He also has his own radio station. OK? He's got the Foxhole. He's like, yo, it's Jamie Foxx. He has people on. He has – well, his name is Foxx. Why not call it the Foxhole? It's his place. They it's Jamie Foxx. He has people on. He has – well, his name is Foxx. Why not call it the Foxx Hall?

It's his place. They're hanging out, right? So Quentin Tarantino in the face of hanging around with this Uber man, this guy who's accomplished so much, this freak success story in the history of the African- race that he morphs into a black guy when he's talking to him. Let's see this shit. It's really awkward. That was on the radio, but this is something that I saw

on the internet the other day where other people are starting to pick up on this. This is cracked. Welcome writer, director, and Academy Award winner Quentin Tarantino. It's all these black fellows

and ladies hanging out on this cool set for Django. And they're asking him questions here. That film has to be like one of the most quoted movies in Hollywood with just the lines and everything. So you got to give us. This is my question for you, Q. What is the most famous line? Your favorite line from Pulp Fiction. I think probably the most famous line is,

I'm going to get medieval on your ass. Okay, that's not too bad because he's like warming up for the impression. Pleasing your fans or pleasing the critics for you? Interesting question, actually. Well, I want to please my fans. I don't want to please the critics that are my fans. The critics hate my fans. I don't give a damn.

He rapped. He just rapped. He went into an impromptu rap. That was one of the most uncomfortable things. He's a visionary director. He's a visionary. That girl wants to work for him. Ooh, she's hot, too.

I wonder if she would fuck him. Now, I'm not that computer savvy. He's a visionary director. He's a visionary. That girl wants to work for him. Ooh, she's hot, too. I wonder if she would fuck him. Now, I'm not that computer savvy. So if he had sent me something that I plug into my computer, I don't know if I would have ever heard it. All right? Hey, download this. I don't know how to do that. All right? I don't know how to do that.

Then Jamie, my man. Yeah, yeah. Jamie Foxx. Here's Jamie Foxx sitting here going, man, I'm hanging out with this crazy white motherfucker. Rick Ross and the whole posse. Fake Rick Ross, by the way. That's the fake. Look at Samuel Jackson.

I know, he looks pissed. Samuel Jackson is very uncomfortable. Look at him. He's not even taking that fucking microphone away from his dick. 100 black grades so I can lay the ass in. I need 100 black preachers with a black circle. Go over to Carrie with my little taper going to plant. Bam, bam, bam.

Wait, hold on, hold on. Isn't it possible, though, that this is some kind of weird conceptual gag he's doing? No. Like he was backstage, he's like, I'm just going to do this for no reason. Isn't it possible it's some inside joke? I mean, it does remind me of

something that my ex-girlfriend would do just because she likes like kind of like trolling every single person she talks yeah yeah yeah i got it man with someone like quentin tarantino who is clearly a fucking genius right i've got to think first this is some kind of gag that's what i think that that guy's so cool man well that's because you're looking for a conspiracy and everything. I don't know, man. Me, I go, oh, he's a loon. A brilliant loon. I think it's Asperger's, man. I think he just gets uncomfortable or nervous

and he just doesn't even realize he's doing it. I bet you're right. Look, we're making fun of the guy, okay? It has to be done. Doesn't mean I don't love him. The guy's fucking awesome. Thanks, Jamie. He's an amazing, amazing director, but that shit's hilarious. It's hilarious when I don't love him. He's a guy who's fucking awesome. Thanks, Jamie. Yeah. Amazing, amazing director, but that shit's hilarious. It's hilarious when you're a different person in three different places.

But you might be right. It might be that. It's got to be a gag. Yeah, let's check this out. I took it home, and I played it. I go, this is the bomb. Before, my movies are always filled with songs, but it's always stuff that I chose from either my own collection or something like that. I never had a music supervisor hook me up with stuff. It's always stuff I chose. Now watch this. This is the show they want another show.

They ask him to write something and then they do it. Red Nose Reindeer, the Charlie Brown special. What was that one with Fred Astaire as the mailman? It starts and he's narrating it. Santa Claus is coming to town

yeah at the end they're like what is who are you I was trying to find his speech he did at the Oscars that was a really good one because he was in front of like you know like the highest of Hollywood people so he was being very respectful so his voices and how he talked was very accurate

like it was way better example than that what we just saw there it was like super white guy what a strange fellow man that is a confusing man he's awesome i love him i love him he makes the best movies man his movies are fun they're all fun they're all wild chaos well also you know about the theater he bought right they either do theater in la that only shows – it's not in Santa Monica. I can't remember the name of the theater. Silent Theater? No, he bought like a theater where it shows like –

Only film. Yeah. It only shows shit that was – it doesn't show anything digital. So like you go there and they show all these old grindhouse films and stuff and like it's just badass. And like it's not a profitable place he just does it because he doesn't want digital to take over which it is which is going to happen well it's going to happen anyway but it's still cool just to have it like that silent theater is that still open yeah it's still yeah that's pretty dope there's a silent theater in la where you can

go watch a silent movie yeah that's where doug benson does all his uh movies where he watches a movie and then talks while the movie is going on. That's CineFamily. Oh, so he watches a – He doesn't do it at the – I think CineFamily is at the silent theater. It's called CineFamily. Yeah, yeah.

So he watches a silent movie and then talks over it? No, it's not a silent movie. It's just a regular movie like Top Gun and then they just sit there and pretty much commenting on it. Well, you know, that was also an issue, a Quentin Tarantino issue, was Roger Avery apparently was the guy who wrote that whole Top Gun gay connection thing that was like Roger Avery's baby. And Quentin Tarantino did it in a movie. Oh. Yeah. He was in a movie and he like chameleoned Roger Avery and told the whole Top Gun story, it being like sort of a gay love story and what it really represents. It's really brilliant.

You know, have you ever seen it pull it up quentin tarantino explains top gun because it's uh it's kind of a trip that roger avery was apparently a really brilliant guy he wrote killing zoe did you ever see killing zoe fucking fantastic crime movie it's a fucking great movie And it's very I don't want to say Pulp Fiction like, but exciting in that same way like Pulp Fiction is. I don't want to tell you any more about it, but Killing Zoe is one of my favorite movies. I love Killing Zoe.

It's a fucking badass flick. It's so funny that you said it. Yeah, it's a great flick. It's just really well done. And then my cat after that. I had a cat named Zoe. So Roger Avery who created that and also co-wrote Pulp Fiction with Tarantino. And you can see, like, when you see, like, Killing Zoe and when you read some of his – he was the one who got in trouble for tweeting when he was in jail. Remember that?

Nope. Roger Avery was in jail. I think he drunk drive. He was driving drunk and he killed somebody i think uh he got in a car accident killed one of his friends yeah and he had to go to jail for a while and he was tweeting from jail and there was like some sort of um a controversy with the fact that he was able to tweet from jail so they moved him they wanted him moving him i think because of it i think it like he really got fucked over because of it i think i'm not sure if i'm telling the the exact true story but he um wrote these really i mean

interesting tweets from jail it's really fascinating you talk about the the different you know social things that are going on and this guy across the hall is so that guy owes him money this could get ugly you know like it's really fascinating shit you know that he would talk about you know guards getting bribed and dudes smuggling heroin up their ass ah yeah this is quentin what's the film about what's it really about what's genre does it take what like it's like a like the spine the spine like one sentence like i don't fucking boy meets girl i don't give a shit about that fuck boy meets meets girl. Fuck motorcycle movie. No, what is really being said? What's really being seen? That's what you're talking about.

Because the whole idea, man, is subversion. You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? What? Top Gun. Top Gun. Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun?

You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots. Yeah, it's about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around. It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. No, I'm serious. That is what Top Gun is about, man. You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right?

And you've got Iceman and all his crew. Right. They're gay. And they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, crew. They're gay. They represent the gay man. All right, and they're saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways. What about Kelly McGillis? Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way. Play by the rules, go the normal way. And they're saying, no, go the gay way. Be the gay way.

Go for the gay way. All right, that is what's going on throughout that whole movie. He goes to her house, right? All right. It looks like they're going to have sex. You know, they're just kind of sitting back. He's taking a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets in the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, what the fuck? What the fuck is going on here?

Next scene. Next scene. You see her. She's in the elevator. She is dressed like a guy. She's got the cap on. She's got the radiator glasses. She's wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears.

She is. Okay. This is how I got to get this guy. This guy's going towards the gateway. So I got to bring him back. I got to bring him back from the gateway. Great. passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they're beating the Russians. The gays are beating the Russians, all right? And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's been trying to get Maverick the entire time. Finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together?

They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, man, you can ride my tail any time. And what does Maverick say? You can ride my sword fight. Sword fight. Sword fight. Fucking it, man.

That's so great. Yeah, that's crazy. That's brilliant. But imagine if you were Roger Avery and you wrote that. And Quentin Tarantino did it in a movie. That would suck a fat dick. Yeah, that sucks. And apparently Quentin claims that they co-wrote it together I don't know I don't know what happened but it's a fucking brilliant analysis whoever wrote it Quentin or Roger Avery whoever

wrote it that's a brilliant brilliant analysis what's that from it's hilarious uh Killing Zoe right that's from Killing Zoe no no no no no I don't know what that movie was that's uh i don't know what the movie was that's not from killing zoe though no it's from something much more recent no that's not recent that's that's actually really i think that's much more than killing zoe no really yeah i've seen that before a long time ago okay well now we need to figure that out pull it up find out what it where it came from um but i think killing zoe was like in the 90s, wasn't it? I don't know. That was a great fucking movie, man.

I love that. That's what making movies is about. Sleep With Me, 1994. Sleep With Me. Yeah. I remember. I saw that a long ass time ago because I was addicted to Quentin Tarantino. I just had to see every single movie that Quentin Tarantino is in have you seen this

Microsoft thing that they announced for it's supposedly for upcoming Xbox and what it does is it takes a picture of your room so like say like your TVs on the wall it takes a picture of everything around your room and adds it to the game and it's fucking trippy. Check this out. So imagine like a video game in the future. It's a guy sitting. Xbox Go Big. Scanning room it's saying.

So it's just like putting shit on the walls? Yeah, but watch this bookshelf pretty soon. It knows the bookshelf's there. And so... That shit looks distracting as fuck. It looks better when you see it in HD. The low res of the thing makes it look like shit. Oh, really? Yeah.

Look at that. Oh, wow, it does that? Yeah. Like, it really manipulates your environment, so it adds it to the game. Oh, wow. So it highlights the bookshelf. And the floor a little bit. Yeah.

And so, like, it showed, like, pixels, so pixels were coming at you, but it knew the floor was there, so the pixels would kind of ride the floor and stuff like that. It's cool, man. Well, it seems like that's where it's all going to go, right? No, it's going to the fucking Oculus Rift, dude. That's where it's going. Fuck the projector shit. Have you seen the Oculus Rift? What is that? Have you seen videos of people them while the Rift is on, it's confusing. It'd be like you sitting here right now and suddenly a disembodied voice starts talking to you.

Because it's like fully like, it's like apparently incredible. There's videos of it out there. Have you seen those, Red Band? Got to show people putting it on. Optics, right? The lenses create a fis fish eye effect and we correct for that distortion so i gotta get one of these what i'm gonna do is give you the headset he's gonna wear if you're standing you would have your body your brain just naturally just tell you to start walking. Mm-hmm. You know what would be a really good thing?

Like, put this on someone's head, and then, like, inside of, like, a train tunnel, and have them walk towards the light and come out into the world. Show it right when he puts it on. Walk up to, like, one of these buildings, basically. We can't see what he's seeing though we just see a guy with some crazy to see him react at first it's that first thing is there you have to see it for yourself also that guy's candid anthony okay so he's gonna put it off for the first time are you taking the red or the blue pill there he goes and Just adjust a little bit. Something looks pretty good.

Looks pretty good to me. All right. So before you take off running through the streets of this village, I want you to look left. Look right. Look up. Look down. Holy shit.

And actually look 180 degrees. Turn your body and look at me basically where I would be so you do have full 360 head track so first just take a look at some of the snow it's all stereo so you should see some nice depth to that snow you feel like it's falling on you

you feel like you're going to catch it wow so they finally figured it out. Yeah. Well, yeah, they've had it for a while. They just haven't had a consumer-based one, you know. And they've got to, like, the other interesting thing in one of the other interviews I saw is they're talking about when they're releasing it. And they say, obviously, they can't release it until people design games for it.

And it's not as simple as just plugging it into a game because the size ratios are off in a game. And like the characters running around in the game are either bigger than a human would be or generally smaller than a human would be. So for it to really work, you've got to design a thing around an actual human size. So it's really strange. They've got to go through and like redesign games based on this fucking thing. Nobody works harder and longer hours than game designers god damn those guys work some crazy hours you remember when we were hanging out with cliffy b and it was getting close to the the release of one of their games and they said they would just sleep in the office they would just sleep in the office and work for weeks at a time and like loved ones would come and visit them at

work they would just be gone they'd be work forever work forever just to meet a deadline to get a game out. That's crazy. The world of video game development, that's a lot of hours. That's a difficult thing. And it's so weird that those guys don't have like an Oscars. That's going to be in the future. Like now we get these guys who like regurgitate lines somebody wrote and we're like, oh, great.

What about these people who are gods creating virtual universes that you can run around inside of? Yeah, that's no joke. Yeah. That's no – with code. Yeah, with code. With fucking code. They're not even – they have to type lines of code that invoke virtual reality. They're summoning alternate dimensions with code.

Yeah, it's insane. And then you're going to be able to pop on a fucking Oculus Rift and suddenly be existing inside of World of Warcraft. I call that my last day on Earth. Do you know how nuts that's going to be? That and the hamster wheel. So you feel like you're walking. That's the one fucking problem, man. That's going to be the final thing.

I think they'll just create a warehouse. All you need is a gigantic warehouse space so you have a warehouse space and you design the virtual reality game for whatever the space is like say it's an airplane hangar giant fucking Costco sized building with no no trees no nothing where you know where her pole is you should replace it with a tree and And boom, you're off to the races. And so you stay inside this building and you live in a reality totally created for this building. Or you just plug some shit into the back of your brain stem that makes you feel like you're moving and gradually just transform into a big, fat, large... Yeah, and the other problem was if you had a warehouse, the real problem would be the only things that you would come in contact with are things that are touching the floor you couldn't really come in contact with anything

physical in a virtual reality sense unless you're dealing with some sort of recreated neural impulse right like a fake touch yeah a fake yeah it's got to be a fake i mean you can't you either you would either have to have someone in like there's a ball a virtual reality ball thing you can roll and i've seen it but you either have to have something like that or you would have to simulate or you'd have to have your brain movement your body convinced that it's actually touching a tree so it feels a tree yeah maybe if it was so convincing that your your fingers responded to it. Yeah. Your gloves that you put on. That doesn't make any sense, though. No, it would be some form of...

If you went to touch a tree and it wasn't there, your fingers would just go right through it. It would have to stop it. It would have to be a magnetic field that conformed to some kind of shape. It would have to be some way that something you're wearing responds to a magnetic field and it creates the sense of a shape being there.

You know? Huh. Something like that porn is gonna be amazing porn is gonna be amazing it's yeah it's gonna be just insane fucking you're gonna be able to you're gonna be able to dial up a bunch of people just blowing you all at once like fighting over a spot on your dick it's gonna be like what would i like today monogamous relationship ronda rousing hand job it's weird to think that the one industry that's never going to stop making money is Kleenex. It's just going to always fucking exist. Well, people get biodegradable, man.

They just go with washable towels. Socks. Nothing wrong with some hemp towels to clean off your loads. Yeah, there's never going to be an end to that it's always going to be clean up always got to wipe your loads it's nice to go tantric and you absorb them all

inside your body and you become even stronger isn't that the idea of tantric that you like you hold on your loads and your body reabsorbs them so you come you orgasm for like hours

hours internally does that shit work have you tried it I don't know if that works but I know that there's a woman who had a disease where she constantly orgasmed You orgasm for like hours. Hours. Internally. Does that shit work? Have you tried it? I don't know if that works, but I know that there's a woman who had a disease where she constantly orgasmed and she wanted to kill herself. Yeah, right. Bragging bitch.

She was fine. She's like, oh my God, I'm coming again. I want to kill myself. No, she's in hell. Have you seen that interview? Yeah. She's in hell. Very fucked up.

Stop it. She's putting on an act so those bitches that can't come don't kill her. Stop it. She's putting on an act so those bitches who can't come don't kill her. So it's the only way she can exist with her wealth of orgasms, her wealth of coming. She's like existing amongst the come impoverished, women who never come and she's all day just blah, blah. That's what women want to do. They want to come.

If you could come all day, you would come all day you would come all day if you could come with the same feeling the same like release that you do when you haven't jerked off for like a week you know that when you jerk off with like comes powering out i mean it's like there's a lot of force behind it you get some distance yeah if you could do that three or four times a day you would do it you'd be doing it constantly if you have the same release this is this is something i always thought is of course yeah like if there's a if there was like an orgasm pill where you take in you have a nine hour orgasm but this woman made me think that shit maybe that's not wouldn't that no it looked like she was in hell would it be too intense maybe she's one of those chicks just complains about everything can you imagine just wouldn't it be cool just to pee cum though? Like a minute long pee of just cum. That would be crazy.

That would be crazy. There's so much more mass to cum. Where would you be storing it all? You'd watch your whole body just deflate. Shrivel. Your toilet would be like a lava lamp. Your torso just shrinks down. You were like 60% loads.

I just backed up your toilet. It's overflowing with loads piled onto the floor. I joked around about imagine if sperm just ran. Like you shot your load out and they just fucking ran around the house just trying to find a uterus. Yeah. They didn't stay put. They ran like ants. Well, yeah.

Like based on the – maybe somebody out there on the internet can help us figure this out. But based on the size of individual sperm, how big would a giant have to be to shoot a load where you could see the sperm swimming inside of it? Wow. There's a boy that died. He supposedly masturbated 42 times in a day and he died. Yeah, that's in Brazil, right? Yeah. Who knows if that's true? Somebody could have just made that up.

How does that kill you? How does it like jerking off? That's not what killed him. It killed him and he probably didn't eat or he starved to death or he fucking fell and hit his head because he was tired. How's jerking off going to kill you?

I don't even understand what you're saying. Maybe you would like the abrasions cause you to bleed out. I don't know. I'm looking for, I wanted to go back to that aspartame thing because I'm looking at aspartame and when you look on the wikipedia um it doesn't seem like it's that dangerous well i mean if it was slightly dangerous i doubt it'd be in coke zero you know well yeah you gotta

wonder like how many fucking people are taking it i think it's just like the science isn't look at tammy faye, late stage cancer videos. Is that from Diet Coke? She was addicted to Diet Coke and there's no correlation, no connection. I mean except for the fact that she drank – she was one of those people who was addicted to Diet Coke and drank boatloads of it. No, I'm not saying there's a correlation that I – She could have been super, super unhealthy in all sorts of ways anyway. Yeah, there's just something –

It's never been proven. It's never been proven, but there is – I think there is like a – some people do think that Diet Coke, like you just said, causes cancer. And she drank a fuckload. It was like her – she would have like something – some ridiculous amount like 15 a day or 20 a day, like more than you should ever have. Wow, that crazy bitch. Do you remember, rest of your soul, do you remember when that whole Jim Baker, Tammy Faye Baker controversy was going on?

Oh, yeah. That was brilliant stuff in the 1980s, man. That was brilliant stuff. Great Saturday Night Live. What was the thing? God was going to kill him if he didn't get a certain donation level or something? Is that what his thing was? Well, his thing, I don't know.

I don't know what happened there. But it was basically just an affair, right? Yeah, I think it was an affair. It was an affair with Jessica Hong. I don't know why it became so popular. Why did it become so popular? Because that was new back in the day. Nobody was having affairs like that.

Yeah, I guess that's what it was. It's funny. You look at it was. It's funny. You look at it now. It's so tame. What, affairs? Well, an affair by a preacher with a secretary. It would never be something that we would talk about 30 years from now if it happened today. It's like finally we got one.

Remember, what's-his-face got busted? Jimmy Swagger got busted with a prostitute, and he was crying about how he – have you ever seen that? Have you ever seen him crying? I have seen. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's so beautiful. It's like one of the most insincere things you could see a person do in their life.

And when you watch it, it sort of inoculates you to insincerity because you get to look at it and go, oh, that's what it looks like. Right. No connection to reality, no emotional connection to their words. No connection to me as a person receiving these words. It's almost sociopathic. Sociopathic in its craziness. And he's like, oh, I've sinned. It's beautiful.

It's beautiful. It's one of my favorite things to watch. Let's watch. I haven't seen it in a long time. Yeah, pull it up. Pull it up. Pull it up. Jimmy Swagger apologizes.

Poor silly bitch and then uh there was the other guy who said he saw a 900 foot jesus in the middle of the desert jesus that's what i was thinking billy rott was no no one of them was like legit jimmy swagger is the guy who got busted who saw the 900 foot jesus i don't know man your religious coots? No, I like them, though. They're really, they're amazing to watch. You like that dollar guy, Creflo Dollar? I record his shit.

I know you're talking. I record his shit because it's so ridiculous. I want to address myself as best as I know how to those that I have wronged, that I have sinned against. He would go out and get hookers. First of all, my wife, Frances. God never gave a man a better helpmate and companion. With the possible exception of that sleazy hooker. Oh, Brian, what is this? And as far as this gospel has been taken through the ether waves to the great cities of the world and...

Yeah, don't put this fucking parody bullshit on it's just cool watching them cry it may be dark days for the swagger church but as the sky even better when english people are talking about you there you go there he is and i would ask that your precious mother. Today they knew all the details. Ah, fuck. Oh, man. These motherfucking false prophets. Yeah, it's an interesting thing that we have this just deep, deep, deep desire to believe that someone has answers.

Leadership addiction. Yeah. Well, it's uh it's chimpanzee shit right yes leftover champ shit well it's no it's the guy the thing is man there is a underneath everything there is i think this is what makes me different from a lot of people i think some people don't believe this i think underneath everything there's an intelligence that uh that's filled with love, that's just love. That thing when you're on DMT and saying, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

I think that thing is real. And I think that that thing, you don't need a leader. You don't need someone to tell you what that thing's saying to you. It's your own relationship with that thing and how closely you can approximate what that thing is saying that defines your level of happiness in this incarnation. And there's people like that who falsely represent that thing, who've never really experienced it. And that's why it seems

like bullshit. Yeah, it seems like bullshit to everybody who hasn't experienced it. And when you run into extremely angry people that just have pitfall after pitfall in their life and miserable experience after miserable experience and you realize that they're just so separate – so far separated from the frequency of happiness. And that sounds like some hippie bullshit. The frequency of happiness, really? Hey, man, some people just live in an economic downturn where there's a shitty economy where they live and there's no jobs and they were born ugly, so they're fucked. Yeah, that too. But there's also people that live like that that are happy as fuck. Yes. In that same environment and they have great friends and wonderful experiences with their loved ones and they're not constantly embroiled in bullshit because they figured out a way to orchestrate their environment and that's one thing that we somehow or another are sort of

responsible for doing exactly man i mean that's the important thing the point that you're making there that's the most important point is that it's like sure people are gonna have you're gonna have catastrophes in life everyone has catastrophes that doesn't mean you're bad. That doesn't mean you're wrong or that you're cursed or anything. All that matters is how you react to that. And all that, and the only way that you're going to react to that in any kind of way that's not terrified is if you found a way to feel grateful. is something tom green said about getting cancer is this amazing uh description of uh the feeling that comes when you have cancer he said it's a combination of terror and gratitude you know and it's like because once you get it and you get past you're like fuck i get to live it really is this sense of like my god what a beautiful thing this is to exist the terror

thing's never going to go away as long as you're living in space you're going to be terrified we're in a fucking void meteors hit us etc etc but there is once you find that grat that plate real gratitude not gratitude where people shake their finger you should be grateful but when you really plug into that fucking thing god damn it man everything lights up it doesn't matter if you're you know what the thing is that's happening to you. You lose your job. Your wife is cheating on you. You're cheating on your – whatever the thing is.

If you plug into that underlying thing, fuck. It's a beautiful, beautiful place and it's a very subversive idea, the idea that everything is OK and that behind everything is just this field of – just the happiness frequency. thing is just this field of they're just the happiness frequency but there's that stuck feeling and that's the hardest thing to overcome in life when you've started out in a certain direction and you've gotten fairly far in your life but you're really miserable and you have a lot of obligations and you have a lot of expectations and bills and a lot of issues that keep you in this certain shitty environment and people don't know how to manage that. And I think that's why one of the most important things to stress is get off on the right track as quickly as you can with your life. And by the right track, I mean whatever the right track is for you.

I don't want to say don't listen to your parents because you might be an idiot and your parents might be dead right. But you might have an idea that your parents can't wrap their fucking puny brains around too you you might be talented in one way shape or form that your father doesn't want to see his creation go off to be and ultimately you are your own person you you really you there's so many people that have lived their life for other people and they're miserable. I've never met an ecstatic son of the owner of a business who runs the business with his father. I always see a man who probably would rather have carved his own path in life and is just caught up in the wake of another man because that other man raised him. They don't – but you see a guy who runs his own joint and like they're fucking happy and they have like zest and you know whatever they're doing whether they're they

run a pizza place you know i mean i've met guys there's a a deli that i go to all the time in canoga park cavarettos the guy owns a dave nicest fucking guy in the world he's always smiling laughing the people they're happy it's his joint you know what i mean i mean you it could be anything it could be a restaurant it could be be a fucking Starbucks that's just hooked up right. It's your spot. People like going there. It's like a little spot where people can have their own little positive, happy energy. As long as that's what you want to do.

If you want to really run a Starbucks or run a coffee shop or run a fucking jazz studio, who gives a shit? Whatever the fuck you're you're drawn to you gotta do that man that's so fucking important and people with their their their escape clauses and you know fucking parachute plans and well i can always pull out if this doesn't work and i gotta back up here and then i gotta back up Man, you better not back up too much. But you got to travel light. You got to travel light psychically. You have to have very, very few options.

If you really want to make whatever the fuck it is happen, you got to have very few options. I love this. When you remember when we first got to be friends, you said something to me. When I was sitting at that fucking desk working as a talent coordinator, stuck as stuck could be, dude. Like really fucking stuck.

I can still remember flash, you know, like when people say things to you sometimes and your brain goes and takes a picture. It freeze frames it because it's like you listen to that. Listen to that. And I remember sitting there talking to you at this shitty fucking desk job and you're like, you just got to jump, man. You just got to go for it and you just got to jump in. You just got to go for it. And man, that – I knew you were right. But goddammit, what a terrifying thing it is to hear that at first.

It's a terrifying fucking thing you know but and you know maybe making like if i jumped right when you said that it might not have been the greatest time you do have to have a little bit of strategy involved in it but yeah you there is where you are right now and there's where you want to be and the distance between those two things will create a vertigo well you had the most important thing which is the thing that you wanted to do you were good at. You wanted to be a comedian. You were funny. You were creative.

You were original. So that was the most important thing and the most difficult thing to get. I was like, this other stuff is what's holding you back. What you need to be doing is just focusing on this thing because you're awesome at it. All you have to do is just do it. The ability to do it correctly, once achieved, doesn't really go away unless you lose the fucking plot.

You lose the frequency in life. I mean if you're a comic, I expect to get better. I feel like I've had better sets like these last couple of months than I've ever had in my life. I've had better moments. I think my moments are better. I think like new bits are coming together in a better way like i'm super super pleased with things because i'm concentrating on it because i've worked at it for a couple of decades and i think that as long as you recognize that that's what

happens that as long as you live your life the way we were talking earlier the right way without too much bullshit and distractions too many negative karmic moments that flood you with regret and fuck with your creativity. That's one of the most important things about being creative. One of the most important things for me is being nice when I'm, when I'm like as nice as many people as I can and I'm as, as easygoing as possible and as forgiving as possible. I am the most happy. I'm my most happiest when

I'm dealing with people and like being forgiving and being friendly. And then I have less shit on my mind. And then I can tune in to creativity because I don't understand exactly where my creativity comes from. But in, you know, a lifetime of trying to figure out what what frequency i i tune into when i do my best whether it's drawing or whether it's writing or anything creative for me i have to have all these ducks in in in a row and the big duck is my own psychic i don't want to say psychic but my own consciousness consciousness, my appraisal of my own consciousness. How am I interacting with this world that I'm finding myself in? Am I out of control? Am I fucking too much gas, not enough brakes? Am I too much brakes, not enough gas?

Am I holding myself back? Am I limiting myself with my diet? Am I limiting myself with my actions? Am I limiting myself with my, you know, what am I doing? Is everything cool? Okay. Now, if everything is cool, then I can go to work. But if everything's not cool, I have to figure out what the fuck's not cool and fix that. And if I don't fix that, it'll be bumpy. It'll be the whole thing.

It'll be me trying to duct tape this fucking ship together while it reenters orbit and fucking keep everything from falling apart. But as long as you give yourself an honest assessment of how you're thinking and how you're interacting with the world, that's where it gets fucking hard to do. It's hard to take that first step and give yourself an honest look at yourself. And then once you do that then it has to sort of become an ethic you know and you got to welcome it when other people do it too even haters when haters like point something out about you that's correct you know you gotta like accept that like yeah sometimes they get you sometimes they're right you know you you did something douchey or you were a little weird there or you could have reacted a different way

and it doesn't even necessarily mean you meant to. Sometimes you just – you pick door number two and it's like, what am I even saying this for? You start saying something. It's not even – it doesn't even represent necessarily how you feel. It's just a possibility of how to react and all of a sudden you're off to the races. And then you're like, no, but – I mean how many times have we said that in the conversations? Well, maybe that doesn't make sense. It's like you don't even know sometimes when you're off to the races and then you're like, nah, but you know, I mean, how many times have we said that in the conversation? Well, maybe that doesn't make sense. Fuck it.

You know, it's like, you don't even know sometimes when you're saying things, but when someone calls you out on that and they, they put, it's probably good for you. It's not good for them. Cause a lot of times haters get fucking completely work.

You faggot. I hope you suck to death on a million dicks. You drown in a world of semen and AIDS. And this is the people that get completely ridiculous with their hate. And almost all of them are losers. That's a real problem. When you look at what a hater is, there's no successful haters. There's no Bill Clinton's not fucking commenting on YouTube videos.

Fucking queer. No one who actually accomplished anything is a hater. But being a hater is important for people that are trying to accomplish things like having critics and hate can actually help you and fuel you and make you aware of the broad spectrum of human behavior especially like in a void of love in an absence of the correct like you don't lash out like that unless you are in an absence unless you have an absence of love an absence of personal pride and accomplishment or an absence of feeling good like you don't feel good so you lash out yes if because if you wanted to you could find

something every day that you hated and just fill your day with hate all day anger and hate you could just do that you could just do that but you only do that if you're an idiot yes yeah you're well you do you idiot is not i mean it's not even idiot it's it should be idiot it's it's you're stuck in a terrible pattern you're yeah you're stuck in a pattern terrible pattern that is it's it's not it doesn't help you in any way, shape or form and in fact it limits you by keeping you in this sort of – this negative mindset. It's hard for me to relate to those haters, the new internet breed of haters because I didn't have that when I was – like a lot of douchebags I can relate to because I can think, oh yeah, I was that kind of douchebag. I know what that kind of douchebags i can relate to because i can think oh yeah i was that kind of douchebag i know what that kind of douchebag is but internet haters is more difficult you know like uh tweet tweet haters but i've noticed that if you get hate tweets i'll go to their timeline sometimes they're all hate

and it's all hate you scan down and it's just one vile thing to as many it's like they've got a list of people and they just are like launching vileness at as many people as they can it's just one vile thing to as many – it's like they've got a list of people and they just are like launching vileness at as many people as they can. It's a strange – not just like one every five. It's like if you have 48 tweets in a row, you've gone beyond irony. Now you're just – you're crazy. Like now you're just some weird lunatic firing missiles into the void for no reason. It's very strange, but yeah that you're and you're choosing to do that you're choosing to try to reach out and affect someone in a negative

way instead of concentrating on your own life like you have made it more important to do that than anything else you were doing right then because you chose it you chose it as you're writing those things you chose it above any self-improvement you were doing right then because you chose it. You chose it. As you're writing those things, you chose it above any self-improvement you were doing, any creative work you were doing, any business work you were doing, any personal emails you got to get out. No, no, no. You chose to call someone a terrible name on Twitter. Like you chose to say, I hope this dumb cunt drowns in a river of aids you decided to put that on that was your that was your choice at that moment unless it's really funny if it's funny then it's different if it's funny you're not gonna have 50 right you know what i mean if it's funny

you want to have 50 but it's like when you go and look and like not only is the person just insulted you there's an insult to like weird to fucking yeah just like anderson cooper i've seen these texts to beaver dudes who say they want to kick beaver's ass really idiots mma fighters are constantly dealing with them yeah they they're like and they'll troll you they'll they'll get you locked in on you know an argument and then you go back and forth one of them i thought was really hilarious was uh there's a woman who's a comedy writer and she got in an online twitter feud with uh chris brown oh yeah yeah jenny what's her name i can't remember about um shit she's uh she's very funny but yes and people like he viciously attacked her and that's what i go why would he do that so then i

read it and he's like uh damn i'm looking old and she she goes uh yeah isn't it funny being a complete piece of shit as a human being tends to age you i'm paraphrasing i don't know exactly how she said it but uh and then he went at her and this and that but she started it like he didn't beat her up okay and just as like years later to have someone sniping at you constantly has got to be annoying. And I'm not sticking up for Chris Brown in any way, shape or form or anybody that beats up their girlfriend. But she started it. She decided to tag him in that and tweet him and fuck with him and get him to react to her.

And everybody's like, oh, he viciously attacked her. Like, listen, don't put your finger in the cage if you don't want to get bit. You know he beats up women, okay? And what are you doing? What are you doing by stirring it up with him? Well, that's bull baiting. Yeah, it's bull baiting. She won.

Exactly. She instigated a dummy. The dummy reacted. She analyzed his psychology. She knows this is a man who will swing at a lady. She, like, came at him with some sassy shit. And it's like throwing salmon in front of a bear. Clearly.

But that's not how they reported it. It was he viciously went after her. Viciously attacked her. Like she was weeping under her teeth. I mean, she started it. She was dancing in joy. She knew what she was doing. In joy.

The moment that dum-dum responded to her, she must have done a fucking tap dance. I wonder. Because I would think that if there's a guy who's really violent and you're a woman, I would think just the fact that that guy knows who you are. You can't defend yourself if you ever ran into him. Chris Brown? Yes, absolutely. You don't think if Chris – if she said a bunch of mean shit about him and he saw her somewhere, he might palm her face or push her out of his face. You mean he might buy her a mansion?

I'm saying if no one was around. No one was around. No one was around. In her mind, she has to realize that if she ran into that guy and no one was there to protect her and there was no security cameras, there was no witnesses, he might do something to her. That's reality. Okay? And that feeling is why it's dangerous. That feeling is – I mean that has to be in her head. You start fucking with a guy like that to beat up his girlfriend.

I mean that has to be in her head. You start fucking with a guy like that to beat up his girlfriend. In her head, she has to know that if her husband isn't there or some – maybe if her husband is there. I don't know who her husband is. Her husband might be kind of a pussy. He might fold under pressure. I mean you might run into a situation where it's Chris Brown and you. And then what do you do?

What do you do then? What do you do then? Dude, I would have to be so stoned to like get to that place. I would be like, fuck, man. If I ever ran into – I hope I don't get attacked by Chris Brown i got you getting an argument with him on twitter dude i got you going back and forth and chris brown ain't one but you're not arguing with him on twitter where you're a woman and he wants to kick your ass i'm not saying he wanted to kick her ass but i'm saying if you know a man has already beat up a woman and then she is now locked in online in this like verbal insult battle back and forth he's saying he's gonna fart in her

mouth he's saying he's gonna uh yeah he's gonna like jerk off on her and fart in her mouth and stuff like like crazy shit and you know to be a chick that's probably got to be a little fucking weird right what about the black keys drummer in uh justin bieber that was awesome yeah yeah patrick carney did a thing where he said something like Justin Bieber doesn't deserve an Emmy or something along those lines. And the Bieber fans went after him. So he just starts retweeting all of their stuff with, like, hilarious answers. Always the best. Yeah.

It was really fucking funny. People sticking up for Bieber are hilarious, man. But he turned himself into Bieber. He made his photo Bieber and changed his name to Justin Bieber. And then was like writing swag and all this different shit to people. Like they would insult him and he would write swag. Stop trying to pretend to be Bieber. You're not Bieber.

You're a fucking loser. Swag. Swag is such a great word to just say like that, swag. Like especially if you're in a battle with Justin Bieber's fans, if you just say swag. Because he'd like sing that. The Bieber army, they attack. Of course. So does the Britney Spears army.

Neil Hamburger stirs them up every once in a while where he was getting attacked for a long time by Britney Spears fans. Well, you remember that video with that long time. By Britney Spears fans. You remember that video. With that guy screaming. Leave Britney alone. That was amazing. That video is one of my all time favorite YouTube videos. The guy is lying on his bed. He is gayer than a mansion filled with dicks.

And he is just. Leave her alone. Just crying. with his hair flopping behind him on the pillow it's just, it's wonderful he can't even get out of bed when he's making this he's so gay, he's like drawn to the bed like a piece of metal

to a giant magnet he's just drawn to a bed leave her alone, he can't even get up he's just crying looking into his camera cringe city that woman we were talking about earlier actually killed herself, Duncan He can't even get up. He's just crying, looking into his camera. Cringe city. That woman we were talking about earlier actually killed herself, Duncan. What woman? The orgasm woman.

Wow. Betrayed by her body, she lives in agony, not ecstasy. Warning. Sexual subject matter. Uh-oh. Get your dick out, boys. It's just her moaning for it. Let's just jerk off now so we don't feel bad.

Get your dick out, boys. It's just her moaning for you. Let's just jerk off now so we don't feel bad. I had not had medical treatment yet or any kind of medication. I had 50 orgasms in a row. In a row. Non-stop. This is a Saturday Night Live sketch. I thought I was going to die.

Whoa. Gretchen Malanen suffers from persistent genital arousal disorder, a rare condition that makes her physically but not psychologically aroused all the time. Oh, what a good kid. Doctors do not agree on what causes it, but they do agree on how debilitating it can be. Gretchen, who lives in Spring Hill, says she can't work. She has tried to get disability income twice and failed each time. Income.

I guess my case had its limited number of appeals. Yeah, she killed herself, I guess, a couple months ago or something. Whoa, that sucks. I got to spit, too. We were almost wrapped up here at 618. So, all right, man. Well, we have to tell people that you're not going to be with us this weekend. Unfortunately, it's some really crazy health shit.

Yeah, my mom's super sick. I got to go say goodbye to my mom. Yeah, you're like literally say goodbye. Like your mom's dying this weekend, possibly. Possibly, yeah. Maybe a few weeks. But I want to like, you know, you want to make sure you see her. I want to catch her while she's like completely aware.

And yeah, folks in Columbus and Cincinnati, Sam Tripoli is going to take Duncan's place, the hilarious Sam Tripoli. So if you want to send Duncan some love, follow him on Twitter. It's Duncan, T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L, and send him some love. Buddy, listen, man, your health scare freaked me out, man. It really did. I would hate to live this life without you. Thank you, Joe. You're one of my favorite people.

You're one of my favorite people to talk to. And you're just such a unique breath of fresh air in this strange world that we live in. And without you, man, I really think that my conversations would be less interesting. I've had more interesting conversations with you than I think I've had with anybody ever in life. You've made me think about things. And I know we feed off of each other in some really strange way. We go deeper and weirder when we're together than when we're doing our part. And to me, you're just an awesome dude, man.

And I love you. Love you too. I'm honored that we're friends. And you're a very important part of my life. Likewise, Joe. Thank you. Yes, you've definitely accelerated my evolution in an incredible way. And you have mine. We have each other.

We all have for each other. You know, that's the reality of a group of people hanging out that enjoy each other's company and that are all sort of like-minded and, you know, honest about life and sort of trying to get through it together. We, we help each other. We've created our own community,

Duncan Trussell. I think you're part of it. Awesome. We're all part of it. We're all part of it. So, uh, that's it.

You dirty fucks. Thank you very much for tuning into the podcast. Thanks to, uh, on it.com. Use the code name Rogan and save yourself 10%, right? What is 10% of any and all supplements? Thanks to Hover.

Hover is... Oh, use the code name Rogan and you save 10%. Hover is one of our new sponsors. Hover is a domain name registration company that has... I've got to find the fucking copy. Pretty much you can get your.coms there. You can get your.nets. It comes with free privacy protection.

Yeah, I'm just looking for the hover.com forward slash Rogan. That's what it is. Hover.com forward slash Rogan. You get 10% off your domain name registrations. And they have some great things like free Whois privacy and very easy to use. I used it recently. It's excellent. We support them.

And they're owned by the same people that own the team. Go to deskwad.tv. Brian has all new versions of the kitty cat shirts in. So go get them while they're hot before his new kitty cat gives you nightmares can I say one thing may I say one thing yeah you can say anything you want

at the end of the month I'm going on tour no matter what at the end of the month I'm going on tour it's on my website at dunkintrussell.com east coast

east coast New York Laughing Skull Atlanta Georgia Boston it's 10 dates I can't remember them all but it's at my website we gotta do some too man

anything you're not doing on your own let's do some more stuff together. Hell yes, man. Let's do it. Get up to Toronto to the Comedy Underground. You know what we got to do too? We got to get back to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara was fucking badass.

That was badass for sure. That's an awesome community. Or Hawaii. Yeah, let's do Hawaii. Yes. We got a lot of shit going on. North Carolina, thanks a lot. You guys are the shit. That was a lot of fun.

All right, you fucks. We will a lot of shit going on. North Carolina, thanks a lot. You guys are the shit. That was a lot of fun. All right, you fucks. We will see you tomorrow. Same bad time, same bad channel. We got a lot of crazy shit coming up, including this Sunday when we get back

from Columbus. We have a special podcast with Dr. Stephen Greer at night. This is the doctor that's fucking communicating with aliens. He's the one

that's responsible for the Disclosure Project. Ooh. Yeah, he's putting together all those high-ranking military officials. That's tomorrow? That they've come in contact. No, Sunday. That they've come in contact with alien life

and that we're constantly being contacted by alien life. Yeah, what the fuck? Okay, and he's a smart dude, so this is going to be really fascinating. Badass. Fascinating shit, you fucks. All right, we love you. Love you. God is love. What else, Fascinating shit, you fucks. All right. We love you. Love you. God is love.

What else, Duncan? Hare Krishna. Hare Krishna. All right. Keep it together, bitches. Thank you.