The Joe Rogan Experience - #330 - Eddie Huang

Episode Date: February 27, 2013

Eddie Huang is a food personality, former TED fellow, and the owner of Baohaus in NYC’s Lower East Side. Eddie also wrote a book called "Fresh Off The Boat", and stars in his own VICE series of the same name.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! Powerful Eddie Wong is in the building and that's H-U-A-N-G What's up motherfuckers?

People searching W-O-N-G like us silly uninformed Americans It is funny that they have to change those those characters and translate your name into english and put it into a sound and for different people at disputes on how you should do that it's fucking crazy because it's like taking a photo and being like how's that photo sound huang right you know like it's pretty impossible that yeah well the way you said that it's like taking a photo because the way you guys look at like language the way the chinese characters it's

totally different yeah it's a different way of looking at the whole world yeah that's a mind fucking a half right there it's kind of caveman steez because it's like all right i want to say this i'm gonna draw it out you know kind of but it's cool it's very like it's an artistic fucking language yeah i definitely like it a lot well it's good it looks's very like, it's an artistic fucking language. Yeah. I definitely like it a lot. Well, it's good. It looks good on people when you tattoo it too. Yes. Yes.

But the funniest shit is like white boy Asian tattoos. Like I remember seeing one dude. He's like, hey, what's the same? Like motherfucker, that says energy on your arm. Like you're like a Red Bull ad, bitch. You wrote energy on your arm. But that's what I am, man. I'm all about energy.

Fucking good ass. I'm all about energy positivity and chi i'm all about putting out my consciousness to the universe the chinese tattoos yeah man they say that the um egyptian language of hieroglyphs is an even bigger mind fuck because they they see everything in these like these symbols – the way Americans and people who read English language, the way we look at just even – like the way you look at sentences, it's completely different than if you tried to read like hieroglyphics. Yeah, I mean I don't read hieroglyphics but I heard that shit is mad hard. They needed the stone for it, the Rosetta Stone. Yeah, they did. Yeah, hieroglyphics is some shit. That's even more caveman than Mandarin Chinese.

Like Chinese is almost like refined hieroglyphics but it still makes no sense. the pharaohs and they depict them from you know this whatever dynasty the um you know the last pharaohs existed in to what gets into like fiction they think like 30 000 years like then they live in like hundreds years long and they're fucking 10 feet tall it gets like real wacky like that shit gets like super super old you know the story's got like more and more screwy before anybody bothered to write them down so it makes you wonder like man how long has that hieroglyphs writing actually been around you know yo man salad tossing yoshi did give me the heads up he was like joe rogan reads a lot of books motherfucker joe rogan is a smart motherfucker well i'm just fascinated by weird shit like the

egyptian culture you know yeah no the The Egyptian culture, that's the cradle. I mean that's where everybody came from. Supposedly, yeah. I mean the only issue is that there's some new shit that they've been finding that's even older than that. The real question when it gets to like something like Egypt or anywhere where we've got some really, really old It's like what happens if you find shit that's way older? And what do you do then? You can't say that Egypt was like the oldest really advanced culture when you find like Gobekli Tepe, which is in Turkey,

which is 14,000 years old. It's so much earlier than Egypt. But not earlier than Africa in general, like the out-of-Africa theory, right? But not earlier than Africa in general, like the out-of-Africa theory, right? Well, Gobekli Tepe is right now the oldest known complex structure that a human has ever built. And they know that it's at least 14,000 years old. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, not only that, they know that it existed for thousands of years before it was intentionally covered. And they've only – I think as of right now, they've only uncovered like 5% of the entire structure.

And it's enormous. And there's a series of circles and stones. But they've done like whatever they do with radio waves or whatever they do to map out what's going on under the surface. And they've determined that it's massive. That's awesome. Yeah, 14,000 years ago. So that's even older than Egypt. That's awesome. Yeah, 14,000 years ago. So that's even older than Egypt.

That's insane. Yeah. That something was happening in Turkey before that. Something huge, not just something. It doesn't like – 14-foot stone columns that have been cut and moved, hundreds of tons of stone. I mean these are like – this is advanced construction. It doesn't dispel out of Africa though, right?

It doesn't necessarily. No. No, because 14,000 years ago, it still ain't shit. I mean we're talking about human beings coming out of Africa and migrating. It's like millions. Yeah. It's like what is a human? It gets to – is it – I mean which different – Australopithecus?

Like at what point in time do you decide it's an early human? Because at one point in time, it's like fucking amoeba yeah okay and it goes from amoeba to being a lower primate yeah and to being a higher primate when is that that's true yeah it's all how you frame it yeah because the people you know you wouldn't want to hang out with an australia epithecus guy those fucking idiots they're gonna be like a monkey man eating his own shit and fucking trying to kill your cat and you would that's not a human you know it'd be like almost a human yeah you know but i think um civilization in um mesopotamia it was uh like super advanced they know like 6 000 years ago in turkey now being 14 000 years still it could go back to like 30 000 years and that ain't shit in terms of like

the history of the earth and that would be insane for us to like 30,000 years and that ain't shit in terms of the history of the earth. And that would be insane for us to think that 30,000 years ago they had like complex cities. But it's super possible. Yo, I was talking to someone this week at TED too. She was a cosmologist and she was telling me that life can survive on Mars and that people – you can actually – if you're willing to commit, they will take you to mars and you can be part of the first if someone was saying joe i could put you on a space shuttle you could go to mars and you could be part of the first colony and you could basically be the fucking gangas con of mars would you do it no it's stupid because mars is just like a shitty apartment on earth that's what it's like it's like

a shitty apartment that you can't get out of once you get there that's where you're stuck you can't go outside because there's no oxygen you gotta terraform put a dome over it no see she thinks that life can survive out there like without that shit like there's parts of mars no that she believes can sustain life no she's silly that's not correct but hypothetically i mean i don't think it's correct look okay hypothetically you let's say it was correct you could be the don dada of a planet but it would have to be a very small area because most of mars doesn't have is there possible that the atmosphere would vary that much where one part would be sustainable it's all alien to me you sure she wasn't talking about terraforming no she was talking about more she said life can sustain on mars right but she was

telling me but as it is and then she showed me a meteorite i was like okay i kind of got fucked up by the show and tell because the show and tell kind of fucking threw me off i was like damn you got a rock from there um terraforming means when you go to um an inhospitable climate and set up machines like in the movie alien right yeah i don't see how there's any other way to live on mars other than that i don't think that atmosphere is thick enough to sustain life. That would be so scary if those machines broke one day or something. Everyone died at once. Oh, yeah.

And died slow of asphyxiation when the air slowly gets eaten up by you. Yeah, if someone told me you could go to Mars and there's everything you need and it's terraforming and Con Ed was in charge, I would never fucking go. You don't have Con Ed in L.A., obviously, but in New York, Con Ed fuck in charge, I would never fucking go. Listen, man, even if it was... You don't have Con Ed in LA, obviously, but in New York, Con Ed fucks everything up. We have the same thing. It's like all municipalities. I don't even know. Who the fuck shit up?

Who fucks shit up? Who's your electricity to the fuck shit up? Edison. Oh, the motherfucker will fuck it up. Well, LA was famous for the brownouts back in the day where they just started shutting power off and basically they didn't have to do it. They were doing it.

It was all a greed thing. Somehow or another, they were making a fuckload of money doing that i don't remember what the scam was but people i believe lost their job and even went to jail for that shit those brownouts yeah no but mars i was thinking man i don't want to go to mars she said you can go but you can never come back i was like okay let me ask you this would you go to the desert would you, you can go, but you can never come back. I was like, hell no. Okay, let me ask you this. Would you go to the desert? Would you go to the middle of the Sahara where there ain't shit and it's dangerous and you could die out there for no reason? I would go to see it, but never to go stay forever. Hell no.

But that's Mars. Mars is just like going out into the Mojave. There ain't shit out there. You know what she said, though? She said mad people from her classes and the other professors she knows wanted to go. They were all wanting to sign up to go to Mars. I was like, you got to be an egotistical motherfucker to be like, I want to be the first one on this bullshit planet. Well, some people are silly. That's a silly thing to do, to go to another planet where you can't get back.

Fuck that. Especially if like Lance Bass is going. Isn't he the one that's like out in space and shit? The Backstreet Boys or NSYNC dude in space?'s like out in space and shit the Backstreet Boys are in sync dude In space is uh is he out in space? He's trying He's trying like one of the first ones and he was oh he has yeah, right? He did it with like the Russian cosmonauts, right? I think so. Yeah. Yeah If they were like you got to go to Mars and Lance Bass is there would not

Lance Bass gives good foot massages. Oh really cool to hang out with to hang out with. Oh, you got a foot massage from Lance Bass? I said maybe. Maybe. I'm just saying. I think you're onto something. It could be something better than going by yourself to Mars. Maybe Lance Bass is a hell of a conversationalist. And halfway through the six-month trip, you're like,

you know, this guy's starting to fucking grow on me. He's like the white Lloyd from Entourage. I never watched Entourage. They kind of got like the same hair. It was a horrible show. I only watched it once. They kind of got like the same hair. It was a horrible show. I only watched it once. I just watched to see what happened to the Asian dude. And I don't know if it was a fair representative of the show.

I only watched it once and I was like, okay, what the fuck's going on here? What are they watching? Wasn't the Asian dude gay? He was mad gay. He was so funny. Mad gay. He ate a lot of Kung Pao. Yeah.

Yeah. Would you go to Mars? Would you? If you knew it was dope, if you knew it was like Alaska in the summer, just beautiful, green. Like they have the Bush Company, I would go. You know? No, if I could go to Mars and come back, hell yeah, I would go. If you could go and come back.

What if you could go and come back, but it was only a 90% chance of success? Success meaning like life? Life coming back? come back what if you could go and come back but it was only a 90 chance of success success meaning like life life coming back yeah like 10 possibility that there might be a fucking solar flare while you're in the middle of the flight back and everybody in the plane gets no i wouldn't need a hundred percent like i'm not i'm not dude that i won't even get laser eye surgery because 200 like my brother's all got laser eye surgery I was like you Chinese you should not be fucking with your eyes

you already fucked up and now you're gonna introduce this new element of surgery hell no well they supposedly had it down pretty good

what level would you be willing to do it like 200% 200% yeah I don't think that's how could they do that

it doesn't even make any sense like there's a 200% no it would need to be 100% that I would come back. But even if – Because I love Earth. Earth is some shit. Air flight is not 100%, you know? Come from New York to LA.

You might as well. Look. Yeah. All right. If it was at 97%, I would go. I'll deal with a 3% like plus minus. I would imagine that if people keep going the way we're going now, in a thousand years from now, getting to Mars would be just like going to New York. Oh, that would be awesome.

If we don't blow each other up in a thousand years, just imagine what we've done in 200 years. In a thousand years, there'll be plane flights to Mars. That would be dope. It'd be so fast. Like, shoo! Five hours later, you're on Mars. Did you say your percent was 7%? 97.

Oh, 97. Yeah. I would love to go. I would love to go. i just want to see that shit um if you had a choice between going to another planet or going back in time oh that's a good call because going back in time you kind of know what you could see yeah but man going back in time well i would you know, I would want to go to Mars because going back in time to other times we've had, it's like less amenable. Do you know what I mean?

Like there's more diseases. Right. You don't get killed as easily. Like you get shanked. You know, when you die back in the day, you get shanked. Right. It's not like a bullet in the head. You could die easily.

Now, I would rather go to the future than go backwards. For safety's sake not just safety's sake but i want to see the next shit right there's not really yeah i'm not like woody allen where there's a period in time where i would love to be in 1920s paris you know you know i would love to be a 1930s italian you know like right hell no man like motherfuckers didn't have AC. I'm with you. I would way rather see the future, like a peek at the future than a peek at the past. But if I had to choose between going to Mars or going to the past, I'd take the past without a doubt. I would love to see how people lived thousands of years ago. Yeah, man, to just peek in on Genghis Khan.

Oh, hell yeah. How dope would it be? But you would get fucked up so heavy going to see Genghis Khan. Like, I thought about it. I would ride with Genghis Khan. Like, I thought about it. I would ride with Genghis Khan. I'd be, motherfucker, I ride for you. Just pull up in a tank. Yeah.

Pull up in a tank, light these motherfuckers on fire with machine guns. They won't know what's going on, and you would be the king. You're like, Genghis, you have to suck my dick in front of everybody. Oh, see, I want to go back in time with a fucking iPad and be with Genghis Khan and just be like, yo, you're the original Rough Rider. You're like DMX before DMX, motherfucker. You're the fucking chinky-eyed DMX. I want to film this shit and make a Rough Riders video with all you Mongolians on horses and fucking crossbows and shit.

He would make you eat your own calves. That's what he would do. Saw your calf off and make you cook it and eat it. He would rob me from my iPad and throw me in a pot. Chilling with Genghis con would suck dude he would either fuck my mom and be like i want to genetically reduplicate myself and your mom or chop me up and put me in a pot i've been listening to uh dan carlin dan carlin barbecue my ass dan car Carlin was our guest on Monday, and he has a podcast called Hardcore History. And right now it's all about the Mongols. That's all he's been talking about.

I love the Mongols. It's like the illest civilization ever. Great barbecue. Listen, man, their style is like meat over fire because that's what you do when you're raping and killing people. It's that baby corn. That baby corn that Mongolians have. It's so amazing. Baby corns.

What is it about baby corn that's so much more exciting than regular corn? That Mongolian produce, that fucking baby corn. The story of the Mongols and how much they accomplished. They took over countries and then they would force the people in that country to go with them to war and they would become soldiers. They would invade Poland and steal Polish people. They made French people fight against other Europeans. They go, bitch, you're coming with us and you're going to be us now.

What are you going to do? Are you going to fight for us or are you going to die right now? I'm not going to fight. I'll fight. And they just start fighting other people they incorporate them into their army like they had crazy everyone joined their crew everyone joined their crew and it was like he was basically drogo from game of thrones in real life but even more fucked up because after after you would conquer like the people that were left they would say okay congratulations we won there's no one left

to kill so you're free to go and then the three miles later they'd fucking run them down and and hack them to bits oh wow oh dude this dan carlin guy is he's a trip man he's a serious historian and especially this this whole period that he's going over right now it's fucking great to live in 1200 you know yeah jesus christ the the nutty shit that that guy was going through just they said that some insane percentage of the population of that area has his dna oh he's the most duplicated man in the world ever ever ever like if there's one person i i love myself i'm not an egotistical dude but i do kind of like myself if i could be any other man though it would be gangas khan no doubt like i wouldn't think twice gangas khan is the hardest motherfucker ever yeah he got a lot but you wouldn't want to be

so he was so mean yeah he was like would you want to show with a crossbow if you went back in time like that though you couldn't be that mean you'd be like god why are we torturing everybody but that's so much pussy joe i mean that was tons of pussy well it was it was constant it was constant pussy yeah yeah they would like steal each other's wives and shit back then like dude dudes were just it was we were like chimps with swords you know that's what human beings were like if you give chimps a bunch of swords they would do terrible horrible shit you know we don't think about human beings as being capable of doing terrible horrible shit but even today if you look at some of the accounts of

what's going on in north korea oh my god those north koreans syria syria oh man it's bad there's parts of the world every there's there's always going to be parts of the world where it's terrible. And people are capable in those parts of the world of doing shit that you only read about in history books. Did you see Dennis Rodman going to North Korea? Yes. Insane. Yes, I tweeted that today. Is he out of his fucking mind?

I don't know, man. They're not going to like him in North Korea. I don't think he understands what North Korea is. He's going over there to do some sort of a Harlem Globetrotters thing. Oh, yeah. I don't know, man. Americans can't really wrap their head around how fucked up North Korea is. Right?

It's fucked up. It's Nazi Germany. Yeah. Just like Nazi Germany. It is. Yeah. I was going to say, you're walking into Hitler's country. It's crazy.

It's crazy. The whole country is- Anyone trying to leave, they kill at the border oh yeah and there's so many slaves yeah they have so many slaves and they have these slave colonies where they're making these people work for like a half a bowl of rice a day they're starving to death they keep them just barely above starving that they beat them to death constantly they feed them to dogs like people that have escaped, who have told stories. The human rights violations that we're hearing from North Korea, like all that shit about going to Iraq because we're going over there to fucking protect lives and enforce democracy. If we really wanted to protect lives, we would be in North Korea right now.

We would be in North Korea. We'd be in Syria. Yeah, you're right. That place, especially North Korea, I'm more familiar with that than I am with what's going on in Syria. But North Korea is a crazy mess right now. Yeah. No, absolutely. Our country is not a country that's out there benevolently in country.

It's just really to protect the business interests at hand. And, like, that's one of the things, like, you know, which movie did you want to win the Oscar? I'm curious. I don't give a fuck about the Oscars. Really? I think that awards for art are some of the dumbest things. It is, yeah, to judge art. I think it's so dumb.

To judge art. I'm interested, though, just because I'm like, will they pick the right one this year? You know what I mean? I'm only curious to see if one day they'll do the right thing. Because I was like, Django was the best shit out. Django was the hardest movie out this year. It should have won. That was a great movie.

And it was three hours. It never lost my attention. No. That movie kept me going the whole time. And to do Argo argo right you're just basically recreating some shit to happen i don't believe it but to see both of those movies the problem with those movies is they're based on real events and they add a bunch of bullshit and it's not real yeah yeah they add a bunch of bullshit to them and when you add a bunch of bullshit like like the woman that like was responsible for everything in zero dark dirty that made the whole thing happen you're gonna go kill him for me that bitch didn't exist no she's not a real human yeah you can't do that

yeah it's like you can't just add people to historical movies that's crazy and plus if someone was gonna find bin laden it wouldn't be a ginger it might be they're and fine and dicks. Oh! Yeah. I mean, look. The lady was a great actor. The movie was very well done. But I call shenanigans. You can't just create a fucking fictional character that figures it all out.

And there was no George Bush. Like, you're going to do the whole fucking movie with no dumbass George Bush fucking it up? The whole thing was weird. It was weird. It was a weird movie, man. It was a very weird movie. But I remember watching Django, and I was like, if this shit doesn't win the oscars it's bullshit like the oscars is and it is every year it's bullshit it's ridiculous look titanic was not a good movie no it was not a good movie it won the oscars you know what's good you know what's good about titanic you know what's good about titanic special effects were fucking incredible

it was amazing it was a vehicle for showing what's possible cinematically with special effects in 19-whatever-the-fuck-it-was, 90-something. Dare you talk bad about Leonardo. But as far as like a script, it's like really obvious. Yeah. You know? It was hot trash. More obvious than Avatar. Avatar was like knocked for being obvious.

But I thought Avatar was even more creative with with the crazy plants that you can plug into. Yeah, and the screenplay was slightly better. Yeah. Slightly better. And also, Avatar was actually, in terms of special effects, even more progressive. Yeah, even more. Avatar was on some shit. But that's almost like what Cameron's movies are.

It's like he doesn't stray too far from the path when it comes to like a storyline but he provides you with the state of the art shit he takes the bar and just just blows it through the stratosphere like no one came close to avatar yet that movie's insane the visual experience especially if you go to imax 3d motherfucker man just when those dudes were popping out of their little uh sleep tanks and floating through the air you're like this this movie is badass yeah i remember when i saw up and it was in 3d and i was like this is the worst use of 3d ever like it just made the asian kid chubbier yeah there's some movies that don't really do a good job with it but avatar was stunning it was like it was more than just a movie i mean two best movies this year was

fucking django and wreck-it-ralph wreck-it-ralph I mean, two best movies this year was fucking Django and Wreck-It Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph was one of the best movies of the year. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know what you're talking about. Oh, you got to watch Wreck-It Ralph. What is it? Yo, you would love it. It's all your favorite characters from fucking video games in a video game world.

And it's an animated feature about all your favorite video game characters. He might not like it because he's not that big into the video games. Wait a minute. This was a release in the film? Yeah. Disney movie. Sarah Silverman is in it. John C. Rowling.

Hey. Yeah. Wow. I never even heard of it until just now. Yeah. God damn it. There's too much to know. Too much to know.

Watch it with the chick that's the closest one to being your best chick in your stable. That's the one you should watch it with. Best chick in your stable. I would recommend watching it with your kids they might like it you think so yeah real yeah wow okay wreck it ralph it's all it's got a car i haven't even heard of it before oh it's on itunes right now that's crazy man when something is badass you haven't even heard of it i mean bison from street fighters and yeah that's the best is when you're like wait that missed me and now I have something to do this weekend? Fuck yeah.

Who were we talking to recently that never heard of Grizzly Man? We're like, what? I don't know. Have you heard of it? The documentary? I have not. God damn it, son. How could we?

But I'm also Chinese. When was this? Grizzly Man? Fairly recently. Oh, I kind of miss certain cultural things. Six years ago maybe? Something like that? Yeah, you definitely have to. Grizzly Man is a movie about a dude who lived oh i heard about the bears yeah people told me about this but i was like i'm not interested it wasn't in the world journal

dude listen you need to smoke a joint and watch this and laugh eaten by a bear laugh your dick off at this silly silly bitch this guy might be the silliest bitch to ever go camping. And yeah, he was crazy. And the bear ate him at the end of the movie. It's a fascinating – because it's not meant to be funny. It's a Werner Herzog film. Oh, okay. It's not meant to be funny.

Okay. But it's just funny. I mean it's like the perfect Coen Brothers movie. You know how like Coen Brothers movies, it's like – Yeah, dark and – Yeah, accidentally funny almost. It's like Fargo. Fargo is a funny fucking movie.

Fargo is amazing. But yeah, I didn't even understand Fargo until I was 20. Because when you're younger and watching, you're like, what is going on? Why? Why do they do this? And then you're older. You're like, I fucking hate people. I hate to die. I hate all of you in the woodship

machine when you get used to people being bullshit artists that's when the salesman and his fucking true coat becomes so much more entertaining when you run into like one of those bullshit salesmen is just trying so hard to sell you this fucking bullshit that you spray in the bottom of your car you hit 19 and then you just want to see people die Then you want to see them die It's so unfortunate Not all of them Just the cunts of the world

Just a useless fuck clogging it up for everybody else Yeah but That movie Grizzly Man is a must Is there a must that you would like to recommend to people Do you have a must that you tell people Like you have to see this? Man, I mean, this year was Wrecker, Ralph, and Django.

But before that, I mean, hmm. It's been Grizzly Man since I saw it. That's all I recommend to people. No, those are my ones this year. But no, yeah, I don't have like a go-to must movie. Can you imagine how big a grizzly bear is compared to that werewolf out there? Do you know a grizzly bear? Yo, that werewolf out there do you know that werewolf would fuck me up spirited away fuck you up but a grizzly would eat that werewolf a grizzly be like bitch really the grizzly is bigger than the werewolf that werewolf

is big man that werewolf is fucking big werewolf is like that's only like seven feet long show have you seen spirited away um why don't you tell me what that is? Spirited Away is an animated... Animation, a Japanese animated film. Yeah, and it's really, really trippy. And it's a real cool animation to see why you're really stoned. How old is this? 2001, I think.

Oh, okay. I think I have seen that. What's the guy's name? Heio Miyake or something like like that it's a good movie is this a good way i do believe i've seen that now that i think about it i think i have it's with the little girl and the the big cat and the yes faces and stuff yeah really cool yeah i do i do think i've seen that is that yours that's what that's one of my always that's one of my i like i have movies that i can watch over and over and over again that's like one of them like that's relaxing you know it does it can't get annoying because it's so relaxing and calm and cool you know that's the opposite of grizzly man

i thought tron was pretty cool too the new tron did you really you would recommend that i wouldn't recommend it but i think that year i might have been that would have been in my like handful of movies i just thought it was trippy to watch well Well, I think to you it was like it represented the old days, the old Tron. I was a huge Tron fan. Yeah, if you're a Tron fan, I can see it, but it was a piece of shit. Yeah, it was cool to watch. The special effects were weird.

It was so obvious it wasn't really a young him. It was like they did something to his face and turned him into a young him. That was creepy. I mean, I guess the one film I recommend to everyone is Kill a Season. Right? Cameron's Kill a Season. What is that?

Joel Santana's in. All the Dipset dudes are in it. It's like the worst made film that's the best made. Oh, you don't listen to the Dipset? Oh, shit. Does anyone here, am I alone in knowing what the Dipset is? Yo, y'all don't know the Dipset? Y'all don't know the Dipset.

My grandfather's rolling over his grave. I told you these fucking kids today. Y'all don't know the dip set y'all don't know the dip set my grandfather's rolling over i told you these fucking kids today y'all don't know the dip set did you just ask my grandson y'all don't know the dip set i just son of a put your fucking pants up i just put you under some shit joe because you need to get diplomatic immunity one diplomatic immunity two i'm writing this down and then watch killer season what am i I talking about what are we talking about Kill a Season has Dominican women shitting cocaine out of their asses it's awesome did you guys

I was gonna bring this up yesterday did you guys hear about this guy who got arrested with a hundred bags of heroin up his ass no a hundred bags

a hundred bags it was a traffic stop it's his asshole he pulled him in a sinkhole you have a sinkhole in your pants sir it's a hundred bags of heroin man yeah a hundred the man oh oh jesus oh my okay i i look i look this killer season no no this one

okay this guy just had one okay this the other guy had it in his ass one guy just had 200 bags i'm like did someone just take it to the next level and go 200 bags? Oh, there we are. Hellrell and Jewels right here. This is from Kill Season. And this is a movie? Yes. That new white shit is moving.

There's new white shit that's killing the block right now. This is so amazing. This is a terrible movie. This movie is amazing, man. You know, my nigga. Wow. You gotta watch this shit. That's what it is.

That's clockwork. Here you go, my nigga. That's what I'm talking about. Go ahead, nigga. It's paper out here, baby. New white stuff, man. Wow, this is like that ASAP Rocky song that they're playing right now. Yes, they are all from Harlem, all these dudes.

Wow. You got to watch Killer Season. So this dude gets busted on the Palisades Parkway. They pull him over in his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer, and he's acting real weird. And so they decide to bring him in so they bring him in and they open up his ass they just gave him a cavity check i mean the guy didn't do anything wrong yeah and they pulled him over he just looked weird he was tweaking out on his own something was going on with him man he was pulled over i mean the routine traffic stop

but they they detected a smell of marijuana. And that's where they got him. And they brought him in because they smelled marijuana. That's it. And he had 100 bags of heroin up his ass. And you can't put 100 bags of heroin up your ass while the cops are going from their car to your car. You can't do that. So he was driving around with those packed up his ass.

What an idiot. Why would you drive around and smoke weed with 100 packs of heroin in your ass? Well, I think he's just one of those guys. That's his move. Maybe it's like how Russian chicks would put Benoit balls in their pussy to tighten up their fuck muscle. Maybe this dude was just like exercising his ass storage. His starfish. Yeah, he's just working out that starfish.

Maybe he didn't trust his roommates. Like, man, if I leave this 100 bags of heroin laying around, these motherfuckers are going to sell it. He went to the gym. He's like, man, I can't fit it in my pocket. I can't leave it in my dash. Let's work out that starfish. The glove box is full.

Maybe I just stuffed this up my ass. Can I fit 100 bags? Well, let's see. Five, six. Wow, am I really going to get 94 more bags? Have you ever put anything up your ass, like a pill or anything ever? Like a nickel? Washcloth. Washcloth?

Yeah, a finger on the end of a washcloth. Oh, i've never done that yeah clean it out make sure you get it seemed like inside the rim like an ass manicure soap a little soap a little polish oh interesting yeah i've never done that no have you uh no i was just i've never even take a thermometer a thermometer yeah i had a doctor stick a finger up my ass once. Yeah, I had to like, when you're a kid, when you have a fever, they fucking put like Advil in your ass, I think. Yeah, it's, I've never been into the girl putting a finger in my ass.

No, no, no. Never had that happen. No, no. But they say it's amazing. It's so, I just, I don't want to go there. I'm not going to open that box. It's supposed to be amazing, though. It could be amazing. It's supposed to be like a prostate massage thing.

And you shoot like a fucking broken fire hydrant. Joe, I think you're pretty much saying that you've done it before. No. I would admit it, man. So the third sponsor of the podcast is Fingers of the Ass. It's Fingers of the Ass. So guys, go to forward backslash JoeRogan fingeruptheass.com

and get a pinky. Use the code name don't ask for the third finger. You can save yourself 10% off embarrassment. Because a girl, if she's like, you want me to put a second in finger? And you're like, yeah. What about a third? Okay, no.

You're fucked up what's wrong with you you want three you want to be three fingers up his ass oh you need to get out you need a better man in your life you ever had a piss break yeah my bad you've never had a girl try i've had a girl try a lot of them always try like jokingly so you never let it happen oh no no no never never some that tick. It makes me feel gross. I'm one of the people that believe or subscribe into the thing that you're not allowed to look at it. You're not allowed to see it.

You're not allowed to smell it. You're not allowed to touch it. I don't want anything around my asshole. Nothing around your asshole. I don't know why. Hey, man, whatever. It's my dirty place. It's good.

It's probably a mess. I mean, I don't see you grooming. Yeah. I don't see you getting down there with a fucking mirror and a Bic 3 blade. Who has time for that, Joe? Polishing that area up nice. Cleaning it up for company. No?

No. But meanwhile, if a girl's going 69 on you, her eyeballs are, like, fucking inches away from that dirty disaster of an asshole of yours. Do you let girls eat your ass? Do you let them toss your salad ever? Have you ever had that? I've never had that. I've had girls get to the balls and the taint, but I've never had a girl just nom, nom, nom on your ass.

And you eat ass, right? I've seen it in porn. You've seen it in porn. Look, there's certain things we can't discuss in this program. What? Whether I eat my wife's ass is one of them. No, I mean in the prior. That's even less likely to be brought up.

Chicks don't want to hear about that. So it was okay to eat ass before we were married. I didn't even know you. I didn't know you existed. I ate a little ass before I knew you existed. Whatever. You couldn't have waited until it was the special one. You couldn't have waited. Eating ass is

something that came later to me in life. Like blue cheese. You don't like blue cheese most of your life. And then one day you're like, you know, this is really good. I didn't like eating ass. Now I love eating a girl's ass. It's one of my favorite things ever. Well, how long ago did this start for you? Like when you started dating freaks?

Because you went through the brian red band you went into your brian red band freak period a few years back it's coincidentally right when we started doing this podcast yeah i think it was right around that time maybe right before you got introducted into the world of girls with troubled childhoods and then boom you were off to the races 33 33 or 34 years yeah you were off the races races. 33. 33 or 34 years. Yeah. You were off to the races. And the problem is when you deal with the world of uber freak professional sex workers, essentially, that's what you're dealing with. And then to try to go from that to some girl who is working on her accounting degree. Is there any hope?

Or are you kind of spoiled? You're fucked. I'm spoiled, right? Yeah, you're fucked. Well, you know, look, man, let's be honest. You're batting quite a bit over your head. All right. And that's hard to keep going in the regular world.

Because in the regular world, girls will eventually get mad at you. In the porn world, they're just happy that they have a man. Like they're happy that someone's there for them and someone loves them. Someone doesn't just treat them as something to just come inside of. So they want to be cuddled and taken care of and they're like like do you go back and watch nickelodeon you don't go watch nickelodeon right like once you've seen all the other shit you don't go watch nickelodeon you're right i love doug at the time but i don't watch doug anymore there's there's a style of super sexual woman that you're only to get from a chick that's like probably willing to do porn. Like a girl who wants to have threesomes with you.

A girl who wants to eat your ass while you're fucking another girl. I'm just telling Brian what I see as future. You're going to have to go gay is what I'm trying to say. It's like it's not going to work out if you get rid of the porn girl. The final frontier for you, dude. It's dudes. For real, I think that like, you know, like if you just want to fuck, okay, and that's why you want – it's way more fun to just date a bunch of freaks, you know?

I mean if you're just trying to fuck. The problem is if you want to like really settle down and have a relationship, a lot of girls who have been involved in the adult industry in quotes they've had a fucked up past and that you're dealing with like do you think if a woman deficit do you think if a woman's a nympho and you date a nympho for like a year and a half two years that that you would then become a nympho because you have to be on her same it's like you know it's like sharing a jacked in. No, I don't think so.

I think it's a theme park that you leave. A theme park that you leave. I like that. That's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, there's some girls – there's some girls – I dated a girl once that couldn't come. She couldn't come. She never had orgasms. But she wanted to fuck all the time.

It was craziness. They want to keep trying. No, she couldn't do it like she did like and everybody says oh you just didn't know how to make her come she didn't even know how to make her come like nobody knew how to make her come like wait she could never finger herself and make herself come there was like one way where she could get herself to come but it was really hard and it didn't always work but it was like one position the whole thing was it was a real crazy sort of situation because you knew that sex feels good for her but you always felt guilty because she couldn't come she'd get wet and shit right oh yeah she loved to fuck yeah

that was the crazy thing it's like something was off you know but she wanted to fuck all the time but if you date a girl who wants to fuck all the time and then you date a girl who doesn't want to fuck all the time, especially if you're used to it and you like it, you're like, um, Hey, but you're awake and I'm awake and we're right here and, uh, we can just take our clothes off and fuck. Why wouldn't we do that? I don't want to like, Whoa, that doesn't even make sense to a dude. No, that's a useless, that's a useless that's a useless partner yeah

to a dude it's like well half the the thing is we're supposed to be looking for as many opportunities as possible to fuck that's why we're boyfriend girlfriend right yeah so what are we doing here you don't want to fuck okay you don't want to fuck but there's nothing holding you back if you're not fucking you're talking and then you're in trouble but if nothing's holding you back like it's not like you have – like I would love to fuck right now. But I have to go to work. I have to leave. I'm late.

That's one thing. Yeah. But if it's like, oh, I'm not in the mood. Yeah. OK. You got to get rid of that bitch. It's like the summer. There's nothing on HBO and we're not fucking.

That's a problem. Yeah. You got to get rid of that bitch, right? That's where probably gay dudes understand each other more better. Like they probably just give up the ass. Gay dudes are so lucky. Did I tell you the guy at Starbucks, we were talking about Grindr. He's gay.

Yeah, because you have the hat on. Yeah, because I wear this Grindr hat just for fun once in a while. It's a bad idea. But the guy goes, oh, man, that's so funny you have the Grindr hat. I use Grindr every day. He's like, I've used it three times this weekend so far. And I was like, what do you do? And he goes, oh, it's just like, hey, there's a guy at Pavilions down the street, the grocery store.

He's down to fuck right now. I could go with him. We can go fuck in a car somewhere in the back alley or get a blowjob. And then I come back to work. Wow. Yeah. They're lucky. Well, you can definitely look at it that way.

But they have the But they're into dick Yeah That's a That's a fail Yeah It is a fail You know

I mean don't you think About that even when A girl's willing to fuck you Like when you have sex With your girl Don't you I always think like Why do you like dick

Like what is going on here Why do you like dudes Like why would you Like a guy Like I don't get it I don't understand The attraction to a man You know so When girls I don't ask I'm don't understand the attraction to a man you know so when i don't ask

i'm just glad they like this medium asian dick i'm not saying that there's anything wrong with you know being a heterosexual woman all i'm saying is i don't understand it just like you you wouldn't understand like being a gay dude either but if you were so afflicted with that predilection and that's what you enjoyed, yeah, I would imagine it's a freer life. I just love that they love it. It's great. Like I'm really glad you like this shit because I got a lot of it. There's a gay couple down the street from me and they're like – they're trying to fit in. I mean they do fit in.

They're great neighbors but they're trying to fit in like a regular family like they adopted a kid and you know they they do all the same shit that regular families do you know not that there's anything unregular about but there is something unregular about two gay dudes obviously but i think it's great it's totally great and the thing is is like you shouldn't try to fit in like you're you're asian you're black you're gay like just be that yeah i mean it's great but i mean what i mean by trying to fit in i shouldn't have probably said it that way but what i meant was that they're you know they live like a normal family they're like they're gay married couple with a kid you know and a lot of people have a hard time with that

man it's really interesting but i think here like california is probably as loose as it gets with how people like view that i don't know what kind of grief they catch but all the people that i know around them are like totally normal with it yeah but you know it's like if they wanted to any one of those guys could just drive down to santa monica boule, just enter into one of those clubs, just pull your cock out and just – Get their grinder on. Get their slap happy on, right? I mean that's – there's no place like that for dudes. There's no place like that for guys where you could just guarantee that you could go and there would be a bunch of horny chicks looking for dudes.

you just guarantee that you could go and there'd be a bunch of horny chicks looking for dudes see in new york there are places like bob in the lower east side you go and there's always like a fat chick waiting for you what is bob bob is it's like this like 500 square foot hip-hop like lounge situation in the lower east side they play all golden era hip-hop you go and everyone's sweating dancing and you always get ass and ok cupid is amazing like i i abused ok cupid ok cupid is like a website you go on and you can literally people have boxes like just looking to fuck so it's like grinding for heterosexuals for any sexuals like you could have fucking three eyes and find some motherfucker with three eyes that wants to fuck yeah but they're also this almost the same people if you go to Craigslist and just look in your area

looking to fuck type girls, sometimes there's a picture. There's never been one that I've gone, oh my god, yes, I need to fuck this girl. There has to be. I've had one on OkCupid. I found a unicorn that was pretty good. Tell us what happened. It was bad.

It was dope. I ended up taking this unicorn to Vegas once. It was good. It was dope. It was dope. I ended up taking this unicorn to Vegas once. It was good. Wow. It was a lot of fun. Well, I think that they exist because I know that there's probably a lot of girls that are super hot that would love to freak a guy out. That a guy couldn't believe how hot they are and they just want to fuck. There's a lot of crazy bitches like that.

There's a lot of them. Well, in New York, there's a lot of girls that work and they don't have time to go out and date and meet dudes and pick them. And they're like, you know what? I just need to sit on something. I need to sit on something. They just need to get their dick on. Yep. It's great.

It would be great. It's fucking awesome. You guys need that. You have OKCupid out here. I'm sure you have OKCupid here. They have it in Boston. Yeah. Too many crazy bitches out here.

Too dangerous. Yeah. I go to P got a positive singles.com what is positive hiv positive is that what that is did you hear about that dude that was uh he was some christian mingle and he was raping chicks no way yeah he was uh picking him up on christian mingle and raping him wow yeah wow there's there's dating sites for everybody J-Date Yep Christian Mingle

Yep I want to go on J-Date Jewish chicks love Asians Do you think so? I know so What is it? A Chinese food thing? What is it?

Yeah like we serve them on Christmas Fuck there's no dick Or General Tso's Like where do I go Chinese people Yes Jewish chicks Yes J-Date I think they all know How to fuck really well too Jewish girls do? General Tso's like, where do I go, Chinese people? Yes. Jewish jerks.

Yes. Jay Date. I think they all know how to fuck really well, too. Jewish girls do? Yeah. Really? I've fucked. Awesome.

How many have you fucked? Probably like five. And they've all been awesome. All have been crazy. The head game, the Jewish head game is the best. Yeah, some of them. It's absolutely known. Jewish girls give their best head. Yeah. When they do it. Yeah, some of them. Jewish, it's absolutely known. Jewish girls give their best head.

Yeah. When they do it. Yeah. Yes. Then there's that old joke. How do you stop a Jewish chick from blowing you? I don't know. Marry her.

Oh. You don't know that joke? That's a good one. Yeah, I think isn't it because they are so – since they're young, they're always said you have to only have sex with Jewish people and you never are supposed to be with anyone outside of your race. And I think that's why they're so crazy in bed maybe. Do you think so? Yeah. I'm just guessing.

Well, I just think they're not as suppressed. There's less suppression in that religion than there is like sexually and like Catholicism and a lot of other Christian religions. It might be the Hitler costume I wear all the time. Maybe that's it. They want to hate fuck you. I just figured they thought there was money in the dick. Wow. Just suck it out hard enough. Half dollars. The first...

What are you doing, fuckface? That sounds like me. It is you. It's the fucking The feed The live feed Jamie's over there Playing with himself Jamie

Yeah The first Jewish girl I dated I was 21 It was first like She was crazy right Bitch was nuts See

She was great I was like whoa But she was like She was a woman I was 21 She was 25 She wasn't a guy That's a woman

Oh that's a cougar It wasn't a girl That's a cougar It was the first time I ever dated a woman As opposed to like Every chick that i dated before i was 21 was like 19 20 like my age yeah they were like little kids you know this girl was like you know college graduate serious woman had a career you know it was totally different banging a chick like that it's a completely different experience like they're not shy. No, I've never gone older.

I've always gone younger. I've never gone older. That was the only time I ever did. Maybe one other time. One other time I dated a girl who was like a year older than me, which is acceptable. I want to do a cougar once. I just think – I see some – because there's so many hot cougars here in Los Angeles. Well, you've got to join a gym.

Huh? If you want to get a real cougar, you've got to join a gym. Oh, I'm a teddy bear. You've to get a real cougar, you've got to join a gym. I'm a teddy bear. Have you ever seen a teddy bear with muscles, Joe? No, I'm saying if you want to really meet the ones that you actually want to fuck, you've got to meet the ones that are at the gym. Because the ones that go to the gym are the ones that still have the plump asses and they're like 50. I've seen chicks with great asses that are 50. And you can't believe it.

It's like, God damn, why? Because that bitch is addicted to spin class and she's in there humping on the fucking like that porn star druna that girl druna got the crazy milf ass tightening up those fuck muscles yeah i'm talking about girls that have their home gyms in malibu they don't leave the house i come to them those bitches are weak and they're gonna pass out on you they're gonna faint and fall and hit their fucking head on the marble and then you're gonna get charged with murder trust me keep away from those bitches sound good keep away from those tired tired low blood sugar malibu bitches who never leave their house walk around their fucking slipper once i'm saying just put your shoes on and get the fuck out of the house like a pamela

anderson yeah you don't want that one because that one's lazy and that ass is gone that's a long gone ass son she was a beautiful beautiful young lady but someone stole her ass when she hit about 43 44 a goblin came into the house yeah now she just looks crazy she looked like barbara streisand now isn't it weird how she women really beautiful women if they get crazy with their looks they if they start shooting shit in their face they go from being beautiful to being repulsive. Yeah. And it's not a lot of time.

And I don't know why they do it. You know it's going to happen and they still do it. Psychological shit. It's like people that are anorexic and they can't help it. They just keep losing weight or big bodybuilder dudes. Big bodybuilder dudes. Like I've met guys that are huge and they're scared to go outside. dudes like i've i've met guys that are huge and they they're scared to go outside they want to cover their body their muscles up with like big puffy sweaters and shit because they don't want

people to know how small they are wow yeah they get nutty yeah especially like those competitive ones uh people who like enter into bodybuilding competitions they never feel like they're big enough it's a dysmorphia body image is some fucked up shit. Like race, body image, it's psychologically like you have no idea how much it fucking controls you. We are lucky there's not a dick operation that you can do to your dick what a chick does to her tits. There's actually a dick operation.

People do that shit. Listen, man, I've researched it. You can take a piece of your foot. Why would you research it? You were looking into it. I research almost everything. I'm happy with my dick. I'll tell you right now. It's not the biggest dick in the world but it's mine and I like it. Fascinating. You were looking into it. I researched almost everything. I'm happy with my dick. I'll tell you right now. It's not the biggest dick in the world, but it's mine, and I like it. I like medium dick.

It's great. But this, like, the body dysmorphia that some women have, like, there was a woman that I knew many, many a year ago who had ridiculously large breasts, fake tits. And she wanted to get them bigger. And all of her friends are like, you can't do that. Stop it. Like, you can't do that stop it like you can't she goes i just want them a little bigger just a little bigger i mean they were fucking huge they were crazy huge crazy and when they're crazy huge they don't look crazy good no they look crazy bad they look crazy they look like they felt like a knee and girls getting

breast reductions make no sense to me like you're just giving money away well i think for some girls i dated a girl who yeah she had before i met her she had had a breast reduction she had enormous tits and even when i met her they were like d-cups i was like oh my god they were bigger than this like she had like back pains like she would get like pinched nerves and shit like they just can go numb but still I feel like you have tits that big, like things will happen for you. You know, other things will take care of you. Someone will come on them.

That's it. It's not like they come fucking beanstalks and take you to the mansion. I guess if you have a herniated disc and I come on your back, it doesn't help much. It's not doing anybody any good. It's not like you rub it in and it's a Vicks Vapo rub. It's going to heal the injury. I've talked about this before.

I know somebody that has that disease. I don't remember the name of it where your tits are crazy big. Like they're almost worms. Like titticitis. Like elephantitis of the tits. Yeah, exactly. And it's so big that if you look at her, she looks like she's really fat. But then if she takes off her shirt and just holds up her tits, it's like, oh, no.

It's all just tit and body like sand. So how big so how big would you say her tits are like twice a normal tit uh i would say each one of her tits was probably uh i don't know 24 inches long a 24 inch tit probably each one weighed probably i'd say about 50 pounds oh my god the poor girl she had 100 pounds of tit still has it too she she can't she has to get these like crazy bras made at sears where they have to make the bra i'm telling you we're lucky there's not a dick operation like that where you can get bigger dick has anybody ever had a dick reduction has ever dude had like a 24-inch dick? No girls can suck this.

I'm tired of this bullshit. Cut me down to 10. I would never, man. I could have a three-foot dick. I would never cut that. It's fucking Excalibur. Don't touch Excalibur. But who's going to fuck you? You're going to have to have chicks that only fuck basketball players.

I mean, chicks don't know that you have a fucking three-foot baby arm. You're going to have to only date chicks that fuck basketball players and have their babies. Or Kim Kardashian. So big like 12-pound babies came out of there. Now, it's not even Kim Kardashian because she hasn't had a kid yet. You need a girl who's had a bunch of babies. Oh, like the Octomom. Your giant monster dick.

Just like a sinkhole. Yeah, that's the only thing you could be happy with because otherwise, what are you going to do with three-footed dick? I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to get frustrated. If I have a three-foot dick I'll tell you we're gonna do you got you're gonna get frustrated you know if I have a three foot dick though I would just walk outside with that shit I'm tanning would you but you would never be able to really use it you will you don't want a three foot you can have girls to slide on top of it like snail you know if you had a three foot dick there would be girls that would just want to check it

out just I just want to sit on it a little bit and trust me I, I know a couple of girls could probably put three foot dick inside of them. Air tight. They would break. They would break just like that guy got fucked to death by the horse. There's no way they would make it. Dana could take three foot of dick. Dana might be able to. Asakura could take three foot of dick.

No, she would break. She would die. She would die and you'd be sad. Any of those girls that did Son of Dong, they could take it. What is Son of Dong? Oh, my God. Son of Dong is like the crazy, crazy giant fake dick with the giant like spooge geyser that some porn stars sit on. Yeah, I've seen that.

Those are so weird where the guy's still got his pants on. It's like the Washington Monument shaped as a penis. Yeah. Yeah, what is that? That's so – because it looks so fake. Yeah, it is fake. What kind of weird porn is that where you have a giant fake dick? I like watching it though.

The art design and the set design is amazing you know it's very very creative the set design the set design with a big stupid fake rubber dick what what is this stuff that you've been doing for uh for vice magazine yeah so vice.com i do this show called fresh off the boat and we use food to get into culture and we meet all these weirdos basically the whole point of the show is to travel around the world travel around the united states and find stories and people that other outlets don't want to talk about you know right like what kind of what kind of stories for instance like we went in the bang bus with jada stevens in miami we ate fritas and then you know we watched her work and we did that whole episode we went to go see you watched her do a bang bus yeah yeah we

watched the whole thing so what how do they do that they you just put her in the bus it was a reverse bus right so they put her in the back of the bus they drive around and they pick up dudes off the street they just bang here's a trailer what's a reverse bus the reverse bus is her going in doing that the the bang bus normally is a dude driving around to find chicks on the street uh oh reverse bus is her looking for dudes yeah and then other shows we've done is you know we went to go we didn't want to separate people from the slaughter because we want people to know you're eating food you're eating animal protein an animal is slaughtered so the first episode we ever did was showing like a white rabbit being slaughtered i saw that one do you like it yes yeah we're like a pretty thoughtful food show and we try to challenge people.

We really want to challenge them. We don't just give them candy. It's not just Soma. We really want them to think about the culture that they're engrossed in, the cultures that they're supporting and things like that. Was that the first time you ever killed an animal like that? No. We've killed animals.

I cook chinese food so you're always cooking seafood you're always cooking live seafood right and then i've seen chickens slaughtered um i've never seen a cow slaughtered i've never seen a pig slaughtered but i've seen chickens i've seen seafood and i saw a rabbit yeah that rabbit was pretty intense yeah it was definitely intense like everybody there was it was pretty moving because you watch a life leave the earth in front of you and um funny shit was i actually thought i died like a week ago in houston it was really funny i ate this indica bubblegum hash they made this beef jerky out of indica bubblegum hash and high times gave it to me and so i'm eating it and i didn't remember to kind of

dose it i ate it all i gave like a little piece to my homie. I gave a little piece to my brother. And I remember about 30 minutes after, I'm watching like House of Cards on Netflix by myself. And I'm like, yo, oh, my God. I think I just died. And I went to my brother and I felt like I couldn't move. I could like see shit and I couldn't hear shit. And I went to my brother.

I'm like, you got to take me to the hospital. You got to take me to the hospital. He's like, why do I got to take you to the hospital, motherfucker? And I was like, I think I just died. He's like, what do you mean you think you just died? You're just in front of me right now. I'm like, so you can hear me. You can see me.

I'm like jumping on your bed. You can see this. He's like, dude, you're not dead. Go to sleep. I was like, you have to take me to the hospital. I feel like my spirit left my physical body he's like what the like what are you talking about and so he takes me to the hospital in houston we were there cooking for the all-star game and like duane wade and i'm in the hospital

we check in and doctor's like what's wrong it's like i think my my spirit left my physical body and he's like what the fuck did you do i was like i ate indica bubble gum hash jerky and he's like you need to chill the fuck out you need to just chill the fuck out because there's nothing anyone can do for you i was like did i just die he's like no you didn't die you're just high as fuck and being a pussy the way he described it indica bubble gum hash jerky yeah that's very specific too yeah it's some chef shit yeah we've talked about it a billion times on the podcast but a lot of people don't know that when you eat marijuana it's a totally different psychoactive experience your body produces something it goes through your liver and it produces something called a one pass and it makes this chemical called 11 hydroxy metabolite and

it's four to five times more psychoactive than THC in the smokable form. So it's not the same drug. Can you die from that shit? No, no, no, no, no. Here's what you do, though. The only way you're going to die from – what's that? Drink milk. Why?

Just trust me. You'll calm down within five minutes. That is not scientific. Do not listen to him. He doesn't know what the fuck. You're going to throw up milk. That's what you're going to do. That would not be awesome. You just need a little glass of milk, just a teeny glass. Listen, that is not scientific do not listen to him he doesn't know what the fuck you're gonna throw up milk that's what you're gonna do just need a little glass of milk

just a teeny glass listen that's not scientific Brian you're talking nonsense cause I tweet the fuck out when you eat as much hash as that you're fucked you're not gonna

a glass of milk is not gonna make you feel fine I eat everyday but I ate fucking all this fucking hash jerky and I never felt so bad I felt like I did heroin yeah it can get you

really scary high you can get you really scary high you can get to the point where it's really uncomfortable you know and that's that shit is not fun but were you ever dumb enough to go to a hospital and tell people your spirit animal was broken no no but i i i did think that i fucked up i went too far i've i've gone there before where you're just like but i always like that i. I like what it feels like when it's over. Yeah, like me and weed are fighting because it's like I've loved this bitch for so long and I'm like, you really hurt me. You really hurt me this time. It's not weed.

Don't do edibles. Just don't do edibles. Yeah. Well, edibles are amazing but it's all in the dosage. It's very tricky. I love edibles. I prefer edibles. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. You like a regular edible eater. Yeah, yeah. I prefer it. Interesting it i think it's better for your body i think it's better for your body and i think the the intensity of the experience it lasts longer and to me it's more introspective i learn more oh you definitely think of wild shit i was like i was saying i felt like i was one of those christian inspirational people because i'm in the car i'm like ev, you have to realize that every day you have to fight to stay alive because as soon as you stop, you will die. I just died. I swear to God, I just died watching House of Cards.

He's like, you did not die. Shut the fuck up. Just don't watch any more Kevin Spacey movies. Did you ever see the 911 call where the cops stole some pop from some kids and made some pop brownies, and then the cops called 911. No. Yeah, it's hilarious. That's awesome. And that's the thing.

They thought they died. They thought the time had stopped. They were calling in 911, just shit in their pants, thinking that this is the end. No, I thought I heard, like, the universe's voice was like, Eddie, you've checked out. Like, I really thought I died. I was like eddie you've checked out like i really thought i died i was like oh my god the game is over game it's over i heard the theme music the game is over

you can definitely eat too much pot but then after it's over you feel fine it's not even like getting drunk you know that feeling that you get after you have a hangover it's like god damn it i don't want to ever know like i ate so much my head hurt for three days whoa i could not i did not it took me a while to come back three days three days well you probably broke something just with anxiety yeah just the anxiety alone was probably so much stress oh yeah that like your brain was like the muscle in my brain fucking hurt so yeah kids don't eat that fucking bubblegum hash i i find that edibles make food taste the best, too. Because I think smoking anything probably ruins your palate. Yeah, a little bit.

It does. Yeah, and you have, like, options out here with edibles, like, that are fairly. And they're delicious. Yeah, but also you can actually, like, pretty much rely on the dose with some of them, like candies. Like, you know, like Ari Shafia, I'll ask him, what is this candy? He goes, it's like a half a breath strip. I'm like, okay, got it. But not always is.

Not always. It's still not accurate. You're right. But some companies, like you get used to a company, and they got their shit together, and they can make it until the feds come and bust their door down and fucking take them away. The problem with edibles, it's also how much you have in your stomach already.

So that's a factor where when you smoke it, you don't have to deal with that. That's where breast strips come in because it doesn't matter because it just goes into your bloodstream. Crazy. Holla. We're sophisticated out here. I'm the West Coast kid. How hard is it getting good weed in New York?

Yo, I got a really good serve i have a serve that they come through and they always have seven to eight strands every time but before i met these dudes life was miserable it was just like sour or haze or or or kush it's just hard to find someone that you actually want to know your phone number that's selling weed yeah and these dudes are dope they don't chill with you they don't fucking try to to hang out and get to know you. In and out. Give me the best weed, and I'll see you later, and I'll call you next time. So that's what you need. But it does not touch California.

No. Like, California is on some shit. It's crazy. That's the best part about it. The G-Pens. I want a G-Pen so bad. Oh, G-Pen. I got a G-Pen.

I'll hook you up. Those dudes are awesome. Oh, cool. Yeah. The G-Pen is the best way to smoke because the wax tastes so good. Yeah. It's like minty fresh. Yeah, like chocolate, mint, ice cream, hash.

Is G-Pen a new type of vaporizer or something? Yeah. There's a few of them. I've got to get you one. They're the best. There's so many of them out there. But have you had an iDab? iDab is the way to go in your home.

Like on the road, G-Pen, the best. But iDabs are fucking crazy. How do you spell it? Just G-Pen? Yeah. Granco Science. My boy Chris, he lives in LA. I'll hook you guys up. He's the best but idabs are fucking crazy how do you spell it g just g dash pen yeah granco science my boy chris oh he lives in la i'll hook you guys up he's the best yeah i've used a lot of them like the plume by pax is not bad but the g-pin is definitely my my favorite so far yeah that's the one i use on the show all the time when we shoot on the west coast we'll shoot whenever we

use the g-pin yeah i want one so bad yeah Yeah, they taste amazing. Yeah, the scientists out here that are concocting different ways to take your weed, they're doing it in pretty amazing ways. They have honey now. Yeah. Well, I guess there's been some talk lately about what is the legality of hash and all these oils and stuff like that. So they have this G-Pen vaporizer. They sell it online. Anybody could buy it online. Yeah.

Because you could cook tobacco with it. So now when you buy this, what do you do? Do you stick weed in it somewhere? You put the wax in it. You put the essential oil in there. And then you just heat it up. And you have to get that from a dispensary. Yeah, but you live in LA. It's no problem. Yeah, but how do you get it?

Don't tell us. I know a guy who knows a guy. He uses it for tobacco. Do you have a hard time when you're on the road getting good weed when you're doing your show? No. You know, fans, like people will just bring it. Right. They'll know and they'll just bring it. Like when I do book tours, there's always two or three people at every book event that bring me weed.

How many of them are cops? Most of them are Asian children. Children? No, I'm kidding. Usually just like Asian kids, you know like right and they grew up like me and they're like yo i know how you are you need this shit you need those are the best people they bring me weed everywhere i go that's funny that's the best thing about being a public public like publicly known person that smokes weed people will hook you up

yeah i agree do you smoke pot with uh people that? Yeah. People who know you from the show? Yeah. I'll smoke with anyone because I'm not a dude that smokes weed and then can't function. I'm a functional smoker. I need weed to function. Right. But do you trust their weed? Like what if someone wants to lace you up with some craziness?

I've never been late. No lie. Have you been late? Me, no. But I know a person, yes. One dude? Yeah. I know one dude.

PCP. Somebody put PCP in his weed well damn yeah that's hardcore i've had a very bad situation i had it wasn't like a fan or anything but i had somebody give me weed once that was dipped in embalming fluid and that really ruined my whole night embalming yeah that's like why would you do that to someone i feel like i feel like with weed it's such a friendly culture like why would you do that to someone? I feel like with weed, it's such a friendly culture. Why would you do that to somebody? Because people are broken. I mean, even though weed's a friendly culture, there's a certain amount of any culture that's going to be broken.

There's people that are just unavoidably fucked up. So you won't smoke weed people give you on tour? Yeah. Not anymore. Not after that. Oh, wow. When I found out that, and there was a guy, I told the story before about a cop that was asking me for DMT in Cleveland, and I knew it was a cop. It was the most obvious cop ever. Some guy after a show by himself with a crew cut asked me for DMT.

I was like, bitch, what are you talking about? Are you really coming and asking me for illegal drugs? DMT's a specific ask, too. It's a very specific flavor that you're asking for. Very specific. The problem is, if every place was like California, yeah, I'd smoke with anybody. But every place is not like California. And there

are places where it's super illegal. Like, you get caught in Texas. You know, like, Willie Nelson got arrested in Texas. I mean, if you arrest Willie Nelson for pot, you're a fucking communist. You know, you really... You're a fucking... You're the enemy. God damn it. I mean, it's, you're a fucking, you're the enemy. Yeah.

God damn it. I mean, it's pretty decriminalized in America. I think in the next five to ten, like, weed is going to be like California everywhere. There's still so many people in jail, though. There's so many people in jail because of it. And what do they do? Do they grandfather those guys in and let everybody out? I don't think so.

I don't think they're going to. They should, but I don't think they will. Yeah, the law is in a lot of places. Like Phoenix, it's real bad a lot of places, like Phoenix. It's real bad. It's not good in Texas. It's scary in a lot of places. Yeah. How many different cities have you gone to do your show?

We've done L.A., San Fran, Miami, New York, Taiwan. Yeah, five. We did five. How was Taiwan? Taiwan was amazing, man. Taiwan is the best. Taiwan is the best, Taiwan is the best. Definitely.

Do you speak any forms of Chinese? Yeah, I speak Mandarin Chinese. Now, if you're around Cantonese people, what happens? I can't understand what they're saying. Wow. It sounds like they're playing Chinese through a guitar. Whoa. No, I got mad Cantonese homies, but no, I don't understand Cantonese, and they barely understand Mandarin.

It's tough. Wow. Yeah. It's not just like north and south. You barely understand Mandarin. It's tough. Wow. Yeah. It's not just like north and south. Like you got an accent. It's like really some – there's an extra tone. There's another tone. Can you read it?

I can read some things. I know a few words. I probably read on like a kindergarten level and I speak on like a fifth grade, sixth grade level. But you speak on a fifth grade, sixth grade level just because you know some of it, not because it's across the board. Oh, no. Cantonese? No, I don't know shit about Cantonese, because it's across the board. Oh, no, Cantonese? No, I don't know shit about Cantonese, but the written is the same. Right. A written language is the same.

Oh, okay, so the written Cantonese is the same. Yeah. Oh, fascinating. Yeah. Huh. But the way they say it is different, Cantonese and Mandarin. So you can read all Cantonese, no problem. Well, I think it's the same characters.

I'm pretty sure it's the same characters. So how the fuck is it a different language? It's another tone. They have another tone when they speak it. Oh my god, that's weird. That's insanity. Yeah. What does it sound like? Like, what's the difference? Can you tell me the difference? Can you give me, like, a sentence? Dolomea.

Like, they say stuff. It's just bouncier. It sounds bouncier, you know? Right. Without, like, without being racist and making fun of it, you know, it just sounds to me, like, bouncier. I think you're allowed to making fun of it You know it just sounds to me Like bouncier I think you're allowed to make fun You know You're Chinese

You can let it slide But like No it's like I'm not even saying words But I'm just imitating the sound Like You know You know

They're like super bouncy that way But it's different Than Mandarin in what way See what's confusing to me is There's like a fifth tone Oh wow Yeah But the characters are the same Mm-hmm It's different than Mandarin in what way? See, what's confusing to me is – There's like a fifth tone. Oh, wow. Yeah. But the characters are the same.

Mm-hmm. But they have a different sound for the characters? Is that what it is? Which is kind of crazy. Wow. So like you – like one person would say shoe. They would have a totally different noise for it. Yeah.

But if you wrote it down, you both saw shoe. Yeah. Whoa, you're blowing my mind. Yeah. Whoa if you wrote it down, you both saw Shu. Yeah. Whoa, you're blowing my mind. Yeah. Whoa. How many people are on each? I will check this and make sure. I mean, we could check this and make sure,

but I'm almost positive that it is. I'm pretty positive it is the same language. How many people are on each? Like, I mean, there's a billion people. Oh, there's much more speaking Mandarin. There's much more speaking Mandarin than Cantonese. How much more? Cantonese is just like the southeast of China and Hong Kong.

Wow. How the fuck does that ever happen? You know? They just lost the war. Is that what it is? Some Mongol type shit? Yeah. Wow.

The whole idea of a billion people on a continent is a fucking trip, man. Yeah. The whole idea of a billion people on a continent is a fucking trip, man. Yeah. And, you know, that's – there wasn't even a billion people on the whole planet just a little while ago. Yeah, man. We are way too good at making babies and that's why they try to limit it. Yeah.

My friend Duncan actually had a funny thing that he said yesterday that some people believe that this is such an amazing time to be alive, that so many souls are trying to reincarnate to this time. That's why there's so many people on the planet. Yeah. Okay, so they say here, written Cantonese is the most highly developed written form of all Chinese varieties apart from standard Mandarin and classical. Standard written Chinese is based on Mandarin, but when spoken word for word as cantonese it sounds unnatural because its expressions are ungrammatical and unidiomatic in cantonese so cantonese speakers

have developed their own written scripts sometimes creating new characters for words that either do not exist or have been lost in standard chinese but basically it's based on the same language wow it's just more refined that'd be weird trying to speak english and just speak it differently yeah with but using the same words yeah using the same words yeah yeah what the fuck man so uh what is it like working with the vice guys we fucking love yo i love vice man vice is the fucking best you i've worked with so many people and Vice just lets you do your thing. Yeah. And that's the best part.

And like I just went through a whole week. I was at TED. I'm a TED fellow this year. And I went through a whole week of people telling me what to do, where to be. And it was like being at a fucking Scientology summer camp. It was horrible. Yeah. Tell me what the fuck happened.

They told you that you can't leave? Yeah. Like before you go, they're like like you need to participate in ted you need to be them like all right cool like i'm i figure like minds are reasonable if you have to do something in la you can go do something in la right i gave them like four or five days of my time like i was there every single 13 hours like every day they have 13 hours of fucking activities they have mapped out for you some days like 15 16 hours right if you go to their after events and i'm like that's way too much fucking human interaction five days yeah

explain this so you go there and you're gonna go and do your own ted speech right yeah so you do your own ted speech what is the other stuff they have for you they want you to be available for like networking cocktail events like attendees want to talk to you. You need to be available. And I was like, look, I've done a lot. I put people on. I put them in touch with ad agency people. I put them in touch with other people to do business with, other artists. I was introducing everyone. And I thought I was good. So I went yesterday to go do DVD ASA. I met up Cho. I met up ASA. And I went. And now they called me today on the way over here and they were like we're taking your fed ted fellowship away i was like why are you taking

the ted fellowship like because you went to la i was like you're in long beach i just went to la for the afternoon to do the fucking podcast you're fucking crazy and they're like you took this spot from somebody who would have gone to every talk and been in everything i was like yo the other people weren't there for everything but you're also just crazy like you're fucking crazy you're crazy they're not paying you no they don't pay that's insane you go to do it for the love and they want you for seven days 12 to 15 hours a day what and you can't just leave to go do something some work that you have to do yeah it's fucked fucked up. What is it where people fuck up everything? Even something as amazing as TED.

Because TED, I remember the first TED talk that I ever saw on the internet a couple years ago. We have a whole TED thread on my message board about great TED episodes. Yeah, like the one, How to Be Happy is great. Oh, there's so many of them. Graham Hancock just gave one on the war on consciousness about

ayahuasca and his own problems with uh kicking cannabis he had like a crazy weed habit where he's high all day every day for like decades and then he like it was it was a crutch for him it's like a real problem um great ted talk about it though there's so much good stuff but then you hear shit like this and you're like even they suck yeah like even someone finds a way to fuck up even something as amazing as ted yeah the speakers are great i quit i can't say a damn bad thing every single one of the fellows is like inspirational amazing doing great work the thing is though something gets so good and people feel the power that they have and then they impose rules and that's how society got created in the beginning somebody got so liked and got so much power that they could force you to do things that

were entirely unnatural and inhuman that's so ridiculous too to think that a guy like you is as busy as you could give up that much time yeah and be angry if you vary from their schedule at all that that sounds like there's more to it. I think Ted's a racist. I mean, they're culturally kind of crazy too because other people missed and they kind of picked on me for it. But even before I got out here, I was like, yo, my birthday is Friday.

You want me to stay till Saturday. Can I at least have my girl stay with me? And I'll just use the room. They're like, oh, we can't because you have a roommate at Ted's. So you're like 30, 40 year old people staying with a roommate. I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute. They make 40 year old people staying with a roommate i was like

wait a minute wait a minute they make you room with people wait a minute why how can they do that how can they tell you who to sleep with yeah they were yes and they were like you have to room it's part of the ted experience and i was like this is a cult at this point you have crossed the threshold you are now fucking scientology yes wait a minute that's crazy so they assign you they say you know what we think that eddie would grow if he lived with sasha for a week yeah so some crazy fuck who's uh sasha shulgin who's in there cooking up crystal meth and whatever the fuck he's doing he you would have to stay with that guy yes i mean luckily they put me with this dude soft what who was amazing cool cat. Oh, yeah Yeah, you were really to be able to pull the name of the dude out is amazing

His name was soft what and I stay with him, but I was like, I'm 30 I haven't stayed in a hotel with people in a minute, you know, how big is the hotel? It's a small shitty hotel It's the Hyatt reasons. He looks like a fucking Airport Hotel and so you bought you like in the bed next to this guy Yeah, so you had to hear each other snore yeah oh dude what the fuck is that and they also hold this shit at long beach and it's like next to like across the street literally you have back-to-back outback pf changs and like subway it's ridiculous but the whole thing is just weird i was like i'll pay for my own room they're like no you're not allowed i was like you're not I'll pay for my own room. They're like, no, you're not allowed. I was like – You're not allowed to pay for your own room. Yeah.

They're crazy. They just want to control you. That is amazing. So I still love the talks. I love all the speakers. But that organization is fucked. That's hilarious that they think that they can have that kind of influence over you. It's part of the TED experience, Eddie.

It is part of the TED experience. Eddie, it's part of the TED experience. Owned. I can't believe that no one's talked about this before because this seems like straight up Boy Scouts. Yeah. You know what is the thing is most people, they need Ted. They need Ted to put you on. They want to co-sign.

And most people, it's like if you do something for me, I won't say anything about you. But that's – I mean I think, Joe, you're the same way. I don't give a fuck what you do for me. If you're a fucking weirdo and you're about to start some new cult conference religion i'm gonna say something i'm not gonna follow your rules i would write a book about this if i try if they actually try to get me to do what they wanted me to do for four five six seven days whatever it was and not pay you they send packets too to be like this is how to network with billionaires wow like how to go to how to network with billionaires how to go

to a network and talk to people and like talk to potential people who could collaborate and work with you they're like don't just go ask them for money and i'm like this is crazy oh my god don't just go ask them for money and it's in the packets yeah and you're a grown-ass man and they pick you like you're obviously intelligent if you're getting picked for 10 and they're like today when it rains you should pack a punch. It's wild. See, what that is? Okay, what that is is exactly the opposite of the vehicle that got them there.

The vehicle that got them there is the internet. What got them there is the fact that the freedom of the internet allows people to exchange interesting conversations like that. Hey, you got to listen to this. You got to watch this. This lady gave this speech on monkeys it was amazing whatever you and what they did is the exact opposite of that and that's why even though obama's focusing on gun control the most important debate that americans will face in the next five years is internet freedom internet freedom is the most important debate we will face and we are so fucking blind to it because the lobbyists are doing it under like under our

noses yeah you you surely should have the right and ability to put your own website up and control your own content and express yourself any in any way shape form you choose and the benefits of that have been staggering to our culture over the last couple of years. Yeah. Just over the last 10. Yeah. And the idea that corporations might have the ability to step in and stop that or regulate that or restrict that or censor you. If in anything that you do in somehow or another – if anything you do in somehow or another one way or forms costs them money and they decide that this is something that has to be stopped, they're going to be able to do that unless we do something. And once somebody realizes they have their hand on the faucet and they have the ability to turn it on and turn it off, people get crazy. You've seen that study. It's like Ted, like these Ted people.

Yeah. They even have power. Yeah. They do this shit where they invite these people to go talk and they actually don't put up everybody's talks until this year. They used to pick and choose and cherry pick the talks they'd put up and you would go there for a week 15 hours a day do all their shit and then imagine if they didn't put up your talk but what if your talk sucks if your talk sucked i feel like it should just go suck on the internet like it'll go hide

in a corner on the internet you know right but maybe if yes and no because if if you like say if you had a comedy conference and uh you had all these comedians do sets but some of them were just dog shit would you want that set to represent your your company no you would you know you wouldn't do it yeah i wouldn't i you know if i did though invite someone and they stayed for a week and i didn't pay them i would be like the least I owe you is the opportunity that quite possibly there's three people on the planet Earth that enjoy your stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's one point. Yeah, that's a point.

But I know what you're saying to protect the brand. It makes a little sense. But for the most part, most people's talks are fucking good. Yeah, they're there for a reason. It's probably really different. They're not going to get an open mic or a TED talker. Yeah, it's not a bringer show. But they give opportunities

to a lot of weird people. I mean, it's absolutely possible. There must be. I bet if we just ask, I bet we're ignorant to it, but if we just say, show me the TED talks that suck a fat dick,

they're going to say, okay, Twitter, Twitter people, please show me the TED talks that suck a fat dick. I mean, everyone wants to see the Sarah Silverman TED talk that was never let out she get a she gave us never let out no they never let it out because she made fun of ted see i would have fucking wanted to watch that immediately

really and the thing is if you're confident you're loud you you can laugh at yourself they don't know how to laugh at themselves she made fun of ted in what way like during her talk it's like the mythology of it i didn't see the talk obviously but there's a sarah silverman ted talk they never let out wow we need to get sarah yeah i need to run into her somewhere i could i can make it happen okay make it happen um i i've never heard anything bad about ted before so that's why this is such a shock it is weird though you meet the donors and stuff and they can't tell asian people apart they can't tell african people apart and it's just it is weird though you meet the donors and stuff and they can't tell asian people apart they can't tell african people apart and it's just it's weird man like they're nice and everybody means

well did they call you david cho no they they just mistake you for other fellows because so many of them are asian really that's funny yeah how many different people do it every year uh every year they pick like 20 fellows and then they pick a bunch of other people for the main stage. So yeah. I mean, no, it is an ill organization. I still – even though they booted me today, I love the speakers. I love the talks and I want it to continue. But I hope that they at least – they could say I suck and that's fine.

They could be like, Eddie is a shithead. He went to LA. He did the fucking podcast and he sucks. But I hope they just change the rules for future people. Listen, you didn't do anything wrong. They could be like, Eddie's a shithead. He went to LA. He did the fucking podcast and he sucks. But I hope they just change the rules for future people. Listen, you didn't do anything wrong. They're crazy. And all they represent is a distribution method for the greatest minds on earth. That's all they represent.

It's not that they are the greatest minds on earth. It's just there's so many interesting people today. We live in an amazing time and just when you good something like ted whatever ted stands for it became synonymous on the internet with fascinating talks yeah boom and then it's off yeah but if you wanted to you could do the eddie wong's you know fascinating motherfuckers on vice and do the exact same thing yes i i think there's a lot of room for that because conferences like i would love to hear more people from you know downtown la downtown new york talking and doing these ideas because they don't find those dudes they find academics they find people playing ancient

instruments they find people that are you know working nature things and and they have their kind of like cultural sect you know but there is a lot of room to find genius in other places genius is everywhere you know this yeah you travel around the room to find genius in other places. Genius is everywhere. You know this. Yeah. You travel around the world. You'll find genius anywhere. So there's room for conferences that like look under different cultures because they're kind of looking under the same stones all the time. Right. And they're going to run out of bugs. Yeah. And I'm one of the first times they've stepped out to be like, all right, there's this dude.

He's Chinese. He's into hip hop. He lives in downtown New York. He used to sell drugs. He now has a restaurant. I think I was the only working chef that was a TED fellow. So I was one of their choices that was really out there, but it just didn't work out. It didn't work out because you're not willing to be a fucking slave and sleep in a hotel room with a stranger for a week.

Yeah. That's insane. They had me. I rehearsed for two days. I fucking did the talk. I did everything I'm supposed to do, and then I was like, I'm going to just just peace out for like a half day and they bugged wow you know you that's that's crazy and the fact that they don't pay you it's crazy you guys need to do a vice show exposing ted how loony ted is i told vice that i told him that before i got booted i sent them an email like yo

you gotta see this shit it's like the beginnings of scientology. It is so true that once people have a position of power and influence and people want to be a part of them, people go corrupt. Yep. They go corrupt and fuck the whole thing up. What is the threshold at which something becomes a religion? Yeah. It's kind of insane. It's so easy to start a cult today. Yeah.

There's so many people looking to jump on board. You know, all the people that would have 100 years ago become Catholics, now they're like, man, these popes just won't stop fucking kids. I can't do this. I need a new cult. I don't know why people still believe in these. Like, you look at what these people are doing. Like, what's happening in the Catholic church is insane. Fucking popes resigning. Yeah.

This is the first time it's gotten so hot that the Pope's like, I'm out of here. He's asked for immunity from the Catholic, from the Italian government, from prosecution because he's responsible for shielding pedophiles. He personally, and a lot of people don't know this, the Pope personally responsible for taking pedophiles and shifting them away to another place where they molested more kids. And what would you expect? You don't, these people aren't allowed to have sex yeah it's natural to want to have sex it's natural to want to go to la and do podcasts you know soon you cannot come to ted and have sex without condoms i'd be like fuck that could you imagine there is no unprotected sex there's no

raw dogging at ted legal no ass fucking while you're here oh man while you're a ted fellow there would be mutiny i wonder if they would have like yeah you could slowly start imposing behavior standards you know on fellows you know if you want to call it like a ted fellow or or whatever new organization you want to start they do shit like you should have a standing you should give a standing ovation when this person comes you should do this and that it's crazy yeah wait a minute wait a minute fake standing ovations yeah and they were also saying like you know when the founder comes chris anderson comes like you don't

have to give him a standing ovation like you know it's nice if you want to but he doesn't actually need you to do it i'm like the fact that you needed to give me this fake halfway disclaimer is so fucking strange wow that's so strange they tell you who to and not to give standing ovations to. Who's a must? You have to apply. You have to apply to go to TED to attend. And then once you're accepted, you pay $8,000. What?

That's a mind fuck. Wait a minute. Yeah. You had to pay? No, hell no, I didn't pay. But the people who do it, they apply. The people that attend. Okay, so the people that attend, the strict audience members you're saying.

You got to want to be so down so bad to do that, to go through an application process and then fucking pay. That's a lot of money. How many people are going? How many people are going? I don't know. I think like 2,000, 3,000. Whoa. Holy shit.

Yeah. That's a lot of money they make. Holy shit. Yeah. That's a lot of money. Yeah. They make off of you. Yeah.

2,000 people paying $8,000 is how much? Six. $360,000? No, $16,000. What is it? $160,000? No. Oh, is that what it is?

It's got to be more. No, it's way more than that. It's like $16 million, I think. What? Yeah. $2,000. Okay. $2,000 times.

Is it $16 million? $2,000 times $16,000. Jamie, you don't know shit about your numbers. Ask an Asian, Joe. Always. I'm asking Asians from now on. Jamie, you silly bitch. What is it, Brian?

Do you have a calculator built into a Mac, right? What's the number? 2,000 times 8,000. It's got to be 16 million. What's 2,000 times 8 000 it's got to be 16 million what's 2 000 times 8 000 this might answer your question uh it is 1.6 million i think oh 1.6 million okay i was one off i was excited okay that makes a lot of bread so they made 1.6 million oh no it's 16 million yeah 16 million okay yeah all right the human calculator was fast very nice so um they made 16 million which is even crazier and they did this in this time where you were there and no one got paid

nobody got paid wow yep we are suckers dude we're suckers and they're always telling you like you're gonna get exposure i was like no lie more people listen to the joe rogan experience that's true ted suck it yeah ted we got you beat by like a million yep but that's still nuts man that's a lot of money we're not making that money we need to make that money you guys get 8 000 people joe rogan 10 million dollars each i know how to do it i'm gonna just raise the bar and only get really stupid rich people i'm not you know i don't want to like go after poor people because i think that's rude so a million you got a bolt soon yeah my bad okay no that's all right you have what are you doing next what do you got going on i got

a i got a meeting you know la meetings i gotta go to nbc shit bullshit bullshit dude my bad what are you gonna to do next? Is there another show you're working on after the Vice show? Yeah. You tell us. Give us a sneak peek. Is it going to be on NBC? We're optioning the book.

Really? The book is going to become a sitcom. The Margaret Cho moratorium has been lifted. Right? The Margaret Cho moratorium on Asian television has been lifted. We want to do a sitcom from the books. Oh, that's fascinating. Like Chelsea Lately.

Yeah. I have not seen that. But all I know is my dad's dream was to be Al Bundy and hopefully someone can play Al Bundy like my dad. Wow. Are you going to lock Bobby Lee up to a long-term deal right now? I mean – Be a part of your movie, your show? I was kind of hoping Ronon artest would go yellow

face i wonder if he can do it what can they do with cgi think about what they did what's his name in tron can they do that with an american actor could they do that just have my family there's five people i kind of want to just get the like michigan fab five together and yellow face go yellow face just tape it's funny what was that because networks are like which asian actor would you i'm like i don't know just get the fab five to go yellow face there was um there was a chinese um a chinese investigator that they used to charlie chan and in the movie it was a white guy that played charlie chan do you know that? No. The original Charlie Chan. Yeah, the original Charlie Chan was some old dude. Hold on a second.

Charlie Chan was like this wise, old school detective. But yeah, it was played by Warner Oland. He wasn't Chinese at all. Look at him. Yeah. No, a lot of people went yellow face back in the day. I mean, that's hilarious. Yeah.

When did they start? You got to leave. But when did they start adding Asian actors to roles, like allowing Asians to play roles? It was probably Gremlins 1. Big trouble, little China. They were like, no white people want to be around this gremlin wow yeah but yo thank you for having me please next time come back again come back stay all day you're in the house brother thank you thank you and please go buy eddie's book it is called fresh

off the boat it is available on audible.com you can go to audible.com forward slash joe and you can get that book for free if you'd like and you also get a 30-day free hey we got to take a picture of you before you leave we got to take 30-day free um uh membership to audible.com and it's one of our sponsors audible.com forward slash joe thank you also to on it go to on it.comcom, O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogan. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. We will be back Sunday night with Dr. Stephen Greer. He is that super smart dude who claims that he speaks to aliens. He's the guy from the Disclosure Project, and he's not a loon.

This is going to be very fascinating, but it's going to be late. It'll be 8 o'clock California time on Sunday. So go check it out. This Friday and Saturday, me and my little buddy Brian and our pal Sam motherfucking Tripoli are going to be in Ohio. We will be at the Taft Theater on Friday in Cincinnati and the Palace Theater in Columbus on Saturday. And then we will see you back here in cyberspace Sunday night for the crazy Stephen Greer UFO Revelation podcast. My dick is hard just thinking about this. Although that's probably not what Mr. Greer wants to hear.

Him being a distinguished gentleman of science, mr greer wants to hear him being a distinguished gentleman of science you don't want to hear someone's dick is hard to meet you but it is so deal with that all right we love the shit out of you guys and uh we couldn't be happier with everything so we'll see you soon hopefully keep it together bitches love yourself as you would love other people and them too and that and this and the other thing get it together, bitches. Love yourself as you would love other people. And them too. And that. And this. And the other thing.

Get it together.