The Joe Rogan Experience - #332 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 5, 2013

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, and hosts his own podcast with his wife, Christina Pazsitzky called Your Mom's House.

Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Powerful Tommy Bunz. Yo. Tommy, please tell me about White Girls with Cornrows. They're very dangerous. They're very dangerous people. That's the cover, that's the name of your latest CD, right?

Yeah, yeah. Why White Girls with Cornrows? They're very dangerous people. That's the name of your latest CD, right? Yeah. Why White Girls Who Cornrows? I think of them as a very dangerous, often overlooked segment of our society. What's dangerous about them? I try to clarify, first of all, for people that I don't mean like white girls that just got back from the Bahamas. I mean like white girls that live in Baltimore. You know, like serious downtown chicks. Baltimore is rough, dude. It's real, dude.

Baltimore is so rough. And the D. Holy shit. Oh, the D is scary right now. I just did three weeks in a row. In the D? No, I did Baltimore.timore then people yeah oh sorry baltimore then cleveland and then detroit back to back to back i was like dude i'm doing like jesus christ the recovering cities of america those are three places i'm not going those are

three i you know i did ann arbor and i felt like i was in a satellite colony outside of the death star i felt like i was i was hanging out hanging out on some colony of white people trying to keep it together while their state implodes around them. There is a 47% illiteracy rate in Chicago now. Are you serious? Or in Detroit right now. Detroit's the one that leaves the biggest impact for me when you drive through it. that leaves the biggest impact for me yeah uh when you drive through it oh baltimore's funny because baltimore they're like it's all these rows where literally block to block the everything changes yeah when you're in the city yeah so they're like no these right here this is a really

good neighborhood these are families now you see that next street right there you don't want to fuck around on that street you're like that one right there? You don't want to fuck around on that street. You're like, that one right there? And they're like, yeah, that's a bad neighborhood. You're like, that's your neighborhood, man. They're like, no, that's a whole different neighborhood right there. We saw that in D.C. Oh, yeah. I went to D.C. with Ari, and Ari grew up there.

Oh, that's right. It's where he first was doing stand-up with the improv there, too. Right. It's where he first was doing stand-up with the improv there, too. When we went down the street, as we're driving, we're in this terrible neighborhood. I mean, it's really bad. It's just like liquor stores, people hanging out half-naked on a corner. It's just, it looked like it was real sketch.

And then two blocks over, there's Volvos and shiny white people climbing out with their baby carriages. And I'm like, whoa, what the fuck is this? This is crazy. It's like downtown LA. No, it was way more extreme. It's way more extreme on the East Coast. The East Coast has a completely different sense of integration. There's integration in New York City that you just don't get in Los Angeles because nobody walks right you know so I think you live on top of each other yeah yeah living on top of each

other is standard being on top of each other being around people of all sorts of races nationalities origins to be around them all the time like you are in New York I think it leaves people to be more open to the idea of being around people that aren't in their same economic group, to being closer to them. Definitely. Whereas like in LA, everybody's like, get me the fuck out of this neighborhood. Oh, yeah.

You don't want to have a nice place in the hood. That is not even in the question. No, no, no. You know? And LA is really sliced and diced where you know exactly where everything is. Like that's this neighborhood. This is this kind of neighborhood. Yeah, it's very obvious.

There's no integration. My friend Mo lives in Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn. He's a white guy. Really? Yeah. I go, why do you live in Bed-Stuy? That's where Mike Tyson grew up and talked about how crazy it was. He goes, well, you know, they've cleaned it up quite a bit.

He goes, nobody bothers us. And, you know, I would rather live in a place like that and be able to afford an apartment I can move around in and live in a box in the city. Wow. I guess it's like that's one of the reasons why a lot of these neighborhoods have gotten better, the idea of gentrification, the idea of – and that's happened over and over again in New York where they realize, hey, look, we got a bad neighborhood, but it's just a neighborhood that's got a bunch of shitty places. If we buy those shitty places and start building nice places, then it's a good neighborhood. Yeah. And then it's worth a lot of fucking money and it can happen like that.

It's happened in the east side of LA a lot more. Los Feliz, Silver Lake. Yes. That area. Yeah. That used to be an area that like white people didn't really just fuck around in at all you know it's a and then it's like a good artist area yeah but I'm saying like 20 years ago like most you know it was it was a lot of it was much more Latin population and then now it's like a you know hipster

community sliced and diced with a little bit of the Latinos that were there predominantly so it did like one bad hipster move in and i don't you know i i imagine it's the same scenario as your friend i imagine it's the same scenario i bet you know whereas as one dude or a couple people were like oh we can get this bigger place in this kind of you know less desirable part of town for really cheap yeah and then over time that slowly becomes a thing, and then they've populated an area and totally changed it. Yeah, it's kind of crazy.

That'd be crazy if that happened in Bed-Stuy, though. Oh, it could. It could easily happen because there's so many people spilling over from Manhattan. Yeah. There's so much money. I mean, it's like a slow creep of money. Yeah.

You know? Those prices are insane. Oh, it's amazing. Yeah. Like, you look at some insane. Oh, it's amazing. Yeah. Like, you look at some of the apartments that are for sale, and you're like, they're like $4 million, and it's like a $1,200 Burbank apartment. It's so nuts, man. It's so crazy.

I stayed at an apartment in Midtown that was $4,600 a month. $4,600 a month? $4,600 a month. Oh, my God. A guy was playing rent. Nice two-bedroom. Not particularly, like, you know. Oh, my God. A guy was playing rent. Nice two-bedroom. Not particularly like, you know, wow, but nice. Like where you go, yeah, you have a nice apartment.

Right. Never in your, in my mind, was it going to be $4,600. That's a crazy mortgage. That's a mortgage for a million-dollar house. Yeah. And then when I told the guy, I go, don't you think you could get like a million-dollar house? He was like, yeah, I'm going to do that sometime it's like whoa wow man yeah but people love the people that love living there love living there so much yeah my my friend jeff he fucking he would never

live anywhere else he comes here like every now and again he's got a place here he'll come here but when he's when he's here he's like get me back and he gets back he's like this is where i love it i love it here he loves the city he loves being in there i can see how you fall in love with that city though it's you know a lot of people love it man a lot of people love it for a lot of people it's like that that idea of having everybody packed in together they feel happy yeah you know there's really is something like always going on yeah oh yeah and i don't mean just, like, an activity or party. Like, just being on, standing on a corner, the street feels alive. Yeah.

There's just always, you know, there's action. It's actually, people are remarkably cool in New York when you consider how big that city is. Yeah. I mean, they're remarkably cool. Like, people talk about how people are rude, and the East Coast is like not that rude no i think new yorkers are particularly friendly friendly yeah i mean they're a little less tolerant of idiots yeah but i think that the intelligence level that the average intelligence level of people in the city yeah it's like a little higher i totally it's higher than los angeles like you the odds of you meeting a guy, not knowing him very well, and having a good conversation with him.

Say if you're in a waiting room and you strike up a conversation and it being a really interesting conversation, the odds are way better in New York than they are in L.A. Great, great observation and 1,000 percent agree. And not only that, I feel like L feel like la has a way higher sketchball factor oh yeah like look at this fucking guy right yes we're not like total hose artists yeah look at a roofie some chick just way high bullshit fucking meters off the chain here yeah you kind of go like nah yeah and actually New York, you see some guy who might be, like, eccentric, kind of weird as shit looking, but then he's, like, a super intelligent guy that you can have a great conversation with. Yeah. It's super possible.

And, I mean, not that you have – not that you would really use it if you were there, but you have access if you're in New York to all those museums. Yeah. Just that alone, having all that stuff right there, I mean, you're dealing with – there's so many those museums. Just that alone, having all that stuff right there, I mean, you're dealing with, there's so many great museums. Oh, yeah. And there's so much cool shit to see. And there's Neil Tyson's place, what is that astronomy place, Brian, that they have, that huge place that he's...

The one in Griffith Park? No, he doesn't do the Griffith Park Observatory. That's out here. He does something in here he does something I was watching part of that podcast you did was awesome you know it's it really fun to watch is somebody who's just vocabulary is you know they're so yeah it's actually fun to listen to them speak yeah because they speak so richly yeah so clearly yes like that's I was like listening to him speak yeah and then missing what he was saying you know what i mean like he has uh like he kind of

hypnotizes you in a way he has a beautiful voice he's a beautiful man let's be honest he is a beautiful man but he's his what's there's something to be said about the tonal quality of someone's voice and their ability to understand what they sound like and a lot of people don't know that a lot of people who are super obnoxious and come off really fucking bad one of the reasons why they come off bad is like they're not registering that their intent is not being accurately displayed by the way they're communicating yeah there's like an sounds that people don't like hearing this sharpness that's not necessary to

misunderstandings a lot with what you're saying. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, what he does so well is he knows how, first of all, he's got a beautiful voice. He knows how to use the voice. He's got an immense vocabulary. He's got an immense amount of knowledge when it comes to the cosmos. And most of the stuff he's saying you've never heard it before but he knows it intimately and he's super passionate about it right so it's like got this sense of

theater to it but it's also an insane information like he was telling us information about the the actual possible size of the universe and it just it just makes you it just makes you want to just not say anything for like 10 minutes and just go what yeah jesus it's incredible yeah those guys are so important because science so often is dry to kids like a lot of kids think that science is like you know the idea of studying stars like yeah it seems like dull and this is Sirius Five. This is – the orbiter went around. They don't have this like engaging like contagious passion that he has.

And when kids hear him talk, they get super pumped up about it as they should. Imagine if he were your teacher in like school in like fourth grade. I would have probably never been a comedian. Yeah, I know. I would have probably tried to be a scientist or something. I would have tried to be an astronomer. If a guy like that was my teacher, he would have been my hero. You know what I mean?

The average fucking kid is constantly searching for someone that represents who they'd like to be when they get older. Because if you're around, even if you love your dad, you're around your dad all the time, most likely your dad's a knucklehead.

Your dad was born in 1940, whatever. They're fucking idiots. They're from a different time. And so then you go to school, and who are you dealing with at school? A bunch of people don't really want that job. They just can't do anything else. Most of them are really miserable in their personal life. And if you knew them today as a grown adult, you would think they were fools.

But back then, they're the figures of authority. So it puts this sort of helpless feeling to you because you know they're tools. You know they're tools and you know they're teaching you and you know that this is nonsense. They're not into this at all and they don't want to be here. And that's the majority of the teaching experiences that I had of being taught and being in class. Absolutely, yeah. There was a few standout guys. There was a guy named Greg who was a Spanish teacher who was really cool.

But Greg wound up banging a 17-year-old. Hola. Really? I don't know if it was legal or not. I remember Mr. Knurr's breath. That's what stands out to me. Fifth grade. If you had Neil Tyson for a professor, you'd be a fucking scientist.

Totally. You're trying to do something in that world for sure. That world, man. When those guys landed the rover on Mars and started screaming and cheering when the pictures started coming back, you realize how exciting that must have been for them. Oh, my God. It's so exciting. Because the idea that they were embracing was so crazy and extreme.

And you had so many detractors. You had people you would say that to and they were like, are you fucking stupid? Like smart people would say that to you. They're talking about sending people to Mars. And they're talking about – there's even a new thing about whether or not they should send couples because they probably won't ever be able to come back. Dude. Now imagine that. Imagine for a second if they pulled

that off, what our reaction would be watching that. Like if they landed and they were like, we're on Mars. It's fucking awesome here, you guys. We would be like, oh my god. What if they came back? It sucks. Rescue us. It'd take six months to get there. Oh my god what if they came back to you it's rescue us it takes six months to get there oh my god what if they didn't know but that there's a constant

nobody recorded any sound I don't realize it until they open the hatch like this the planet makes a sound. Shit. Oh, shit. Come pick you up. It's going to be a while. I just smelled like pussy the whole place. They can't smell like pussy. They smell like rot. Like dead rats. They can't pick you up at all.

They can't get you. They can send more people to hug you and give you earplugs. Jesus. But they can't send you back. The first trips, they believe, with people are going to be one-way trips. Really? Yes. But how would you drop them?

What would you leave them with? With enough to live with what? You got to get one of them Boy Scout knives that have a bunch of different things. It's a spoon and a magnifying glass. I think you guys can make it three weeks. And they're like, what? Three weeks? Oh, man. Fuck that. No way. It can't be cool enough there's no way i mean the idea of being

the first person on mars i'm sure is going to be appealing to a lot of people but not to me man to me i'd be like listen i'm not living in some fucking movie okay you're not i'm not going to be the first guy on mars bitch are you crazy do you know how bad Mars could suck do you know how bad it could suck do you want to live in Antarctica I don't want to live in America but live in Antarctica I mean you might as well be living in an Arctic if you live it on fucking Mars might as well yeah that's that's not desirable at least man cuz I'm pretty sure you're gonna have to you know you're gonna have to wear a mask everywhere you go you're gonna take

oxygen in or they're gonna have to put a dome over that bitch of course and do you realize um like how unpredictable the entire thing from they get like shit they're like we thought it was going to be like this they're gonna be like yeah that's not really sand it's rocks and they hurt like everything that you thought it could be way way off off, man. Not only that, I bet Mars gets more fucking asteroids. I bet they get more impacts. Yeah. Because Mars is – I hope I'm not wrong about this, but as it's been explained to me, there's something called Bode's Law. And Bode's Law represents – it's a way of measuring by gravity and mass when you get a series of planets.

measuring by gravity and mass when you get a series of planets, when you measure the mass of one, you can accurately predict how far away the next planet should be. And apparently the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter is the only thing wrong with Bode's law in this solar system, as explained to me. I might be wrong. But that there are so many asteroids close to Mars and Jupiter that most likely the idea is that either that's leftover shit from the formation of the galaxy or it could be leftover from an impact like Earth 1 and Earth 2. Earth at one point in time was hit by another planet. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, that's like the mainstream acceptance of how the moon was created and um the you know the just the evolution of the earth itself it was at one point in time we were actually hit by a planet imagine how dude hit by a planet we got hit by a planet so we basically became an enormous ball of lava so like who knows how long before everything cooled off we were you know who knows how many thousands of fucking years everything burned after you get hit by a planet plus a giant chunk of us came flying off and became the moon yeah that's the whole idea of it all it seems it's too fantastic, you know what's just as fantastic? It is a planet floating above us every day.

Every day we go outside, and in broad daylight you can see the moon in California. Because I know you poor folks in Columbus get cloudy skies all throughout the winter. Cincinnati was the same way this weekend. But you come back to L.A., you can see the moon in the middle of the day. You see it fat and juicy just sitting up in the sky. It looks all beautiful in the blue sky. It's a floating planet, and you're looking at it with your eyes. And it's a quarter of the size of the Earth, and it's right there.

It's floating in the air above you. Like that might be the nuttiest shit you ever get to look at, and you're just like, oh, whatever. I'm waiting for a UFO. The UFO ain't nearly as crazy as the fact that there's a fucking planet floating in the air. You can see it. You just got me excited about the moon, for real. It's huge.

You're like a teacher. You're like that guy. The moon is enormous, man. The moon is really big for a moon. We take it for granted how cool it is that you can see it. Well, you see the same side, too.'t even spin it rotates around us the moon is a trip man the moon's a trip in so many ways because they say that if a moon wasn't as big as it is our gravity or our um atmosphere wouldn't be as stable like our we wouldn't our our um orbit wouldn't be as

stable and what stabilizes us is we have this massive object sitting there with us. Yeah. That's crazy. It's nuts. Like in order literally to have this kind of life, and people are like, wow, there would be no life. No, there just wouldn't be this kind of life. Life figures shit out. For sure.

Life figures shit out. I'm just amazed that no one's ever figured shit out in the ocean. There's so much of it, man. It's so big. But life never figured shit out in the ocean. Smart life in the ocean still lives like a fish. Could you imagine if we were running around

on Earth claiming to be super smart but we're still running around killing things with our face? We would say how are we any better than than regular monkeys we're not oh we are because we have a language those poor dolphins those poor fucks and killer whales they're living like regular fish they don't have condos it's true they don't have cars they don't have tvs and everybody's like oh they're just as smart as people the fuck they are the fuck they are stop, they're just as smart as people. The fuck they are. The fuck they are. Stop it.

They're not creating anything. They can just make noise with their face and catch fish. They're just bigger fish. Yeah, they're big. They're animals. Big, strong fish. They take in the air through a hole. But basically, they live like a fish.

There's not much difference between a killer whale and a tuna. As far as how they're forced to live you gotta go get yours there's no supermarket i know there's no credit cards we're they live like savages they live together they're just like the bottom feeding fish really yeah they're ridiculous they're scrubs man scrubs of the of the universe killer killer whale scrubs imagine if there really was intelligent life and something figured out i mean it doesn't seem – it seems to me that if a monkey can figure out how to be conscious and how to be intelligent here, that a fish should figure out how to be conscious and intelligent down there and develop a way to get up to the air world and wear like a big water mask and come and visit us they totally should but i think it doesn't happen because there'd be just too much conflict when we start talking well they try to open land parks apparently you haven't seen creature from the black lagoon i have not is this what you ever see that you ever

see that movie i watched that movie recently fish learn to read oh it's so dope it's a fish man a monster fish man pull it up brian creature from the Black Lagoon It's like a 1950s movie Really? I think Let me see Creature from the Black Lagoon I'm going to guess I'm going to guess

I'm going to go with 1961 But I'm probably off 1951 Is it 51? No, that's what I'm going to say Okay It's 1954 Really?

Wow It's, wow, okay Yeah, so it's 1950s. Wow. I remember this when I was a kid. He was like one of my favorite monsters, man. Creature from the Black Hole. Oh, it was awesome.

It only got a 6.9 on the IMDb. What a bunch of cunts. I remember that was one of those movies. Is it a 10 out of 10 for you? Yeah. It's fucking amazing. I'm sorry, but if you're talking about about old, cool horror movies, it's amazing. It's a 10.

That was one of those movies they played in the 80s with the 3D glasses where you would go to the grocery store and get those glasses and then the red and blue glasses and they made it 3D. Oh, they made the movie 3D? They changed it and made it 3D? Dude, pull some of that up. It's awesome. Look at it. The creature from the Black Lagoon. Wow.

Yeah, there's no explanation. That's just where he lived. Where did he come from? Did he interact with people? He's unknown by science. Did he come to haunt them? Oh, yeah, He kidnapped bitches. Oh, really?

Yeah, he snatched bitches up, took them back to his cave. He's trying to make a more person-person thing. I got you. I knew it would be a person-hybrid. Like, he's a person-fish hybrid. He's like, I've got to take this shit to the next generation. And it's just me as a hybrid. Fuck some white bitch.

He definitely looks like a child made him in the image that i saw well back then yeah that was for 54 that's an amazing uh outfit you know yeah he's got some pretty eccentric gear those guys had a struggle you know it was hard to do special effects in the 1950s you know would you ever see like even stuff now that you see from the 80s? You're like, oh my god. This is embarrassing. Is that the... Oh, shit. There it is. Out of the murk and mystery of a hundred million years ago, up from the depths of unknown waters,

comes a creature to confound science and terrorize the world. Wow. These are awesome. Look at those claws. Yeah, he's got webbed fingers and claws and shit. Creature from the Black Lagoon. And it's all black and white and awesome. Shocking.

Shocking in the stark realism. Look at it. When you make that claim. A perfected three dimension. It was black and white, but it was 3D. Isn't that fascinating? Yeah. Look how weak that dude looks.

Dudes back then didn't know nothing about bench pressing. That dude didn't know nothing about kettlebells. He did not have any creatine going through his system. Those dudes did no deadlifts. Absolutely no. They're like the leading men back there. Like a joke with their shirts off. Ain't you ever done a hack squat?

You compare them to like The Rock. Yeah, no, right? Oh, my God. The bitches be hot as fuck still. Oh, my God. Hot and never worked out a day in her life. With a billion eggs inside of her. You come anywhere near, her eggs leap down, grab the sperm, and crawl back in.

Yeah, all the guys back then were – they almost looked like they were all gay. Maybe they were because they were all like – They all had body hair, which dudes all shave today. It's really interesting when you just see what happened groom-wise. Wow, they give away a lot in this movie. The guy that gets lit on fire and falls in the water.

Look at that dude. I'll stud leave his shirt off. Or until somebody else gets killed. Whoa, he just jumps in the water. Took Rita out. Damn. Deep, deep, deep. This is awesome.

Into the waters of his domain. Where man may follow. He just drowned a bitch. Yeah, I guess he's drowning her. I don't know what's happening. They're in the middle of a gator roll there. Amazing. Three dimension creature from the Black Lagoon.

Oh, man. Isn't it a fascinating thing When you can go back in time like that And see something And see what media looked like in 1954 Oh my god, I know And then that you know that people would see Certain things and be so captivated by it

We would fucking love that movie Of course If we lived in 1954 Well actually, would we as adults? Would we be so psyched i think so because you had never seen shit like that you might even be more impressed like what the fuck how did they do this but i was thinking like who goes to see those movies would it be kids because in 1954 guys our age were almost dead yeah that's true you're late 30s like who are you you're

not even alive but they're also dead man they're also more like scared of um the unknown of the unknown but i think that would be a thing where they'd be like oh you're not you don't want to bring a kid to something like this this is an adult only kind of this is rated r i mean abducts this white woman who takes her to the bottom of the ocean he's scary he's real scary and he's you don't take a white bitch into the bottom of the ocean unless you look and you either kill her or fuck her. Yeah. He's probably doing both. And if you fuck her, you're probably going to kill her unless you can come really quick

because she's going to drown. It's rude. Yeah. There's definitely, there's a lot of stuff you don't want to see in this film. 1954, the audience wasn't ready. Did you know the creature was modeled after the Oscar? Really? Oh, that's hilarious.

Really? Yeah. Well, they figured with a fucking plot like this, they're a shoo-in. How could we go wrong? Guys, we're dealing with a gill man. He's a monster that kidnaps and then fucks. We got hot white bitches that he kidnaps. This movie's going to be big.

In the water, he drowns them, he rapes them, and then he leaves them back at the surface. It's in real black and white. 3D. It's going to be big. In the water, he drowns them, he rapes them, and then he leaves them back at the surface. It's in real black and white. 3D. It's going to be amazing. 3D black and white. That's going to be amazing. Holy shit. There's no better piece of evidence about how our society has changed, I think, than watching our old shows and movies.

Yeah. Like, try to watch Father Knows Best. It's beautiful. It's like you're watching a comedy like you you watch father knows best and it's so awkward and like clunky and fake and like not in any way resembling how human beings really behave yeah that it's it's it becomes a comedy yeah yeah like you may guess it was supposed to be a comedy back then but it wasn't like was it it was a drama comedy drama what would you call it it was like a comedy right yeah i guess but it's funny for being sucky it's funny for being really stupid well

father knows best sitting there with his stupid pipe it's like the whole thing is like so weird oh it's crazy it's surreal if you watch, see if you can pull up a Father Knows Best clip. You know what's also really bad that shows you, it makes you think about what were we thinking when we saw this and were people impressed are music videos. If you watch old music videos, you're like, holy shit, this is terrible. But at the time, you know that they're like, did you see this guy?

He can make his face freeze on the screen, and then they'll leave it there for a minute and a half while some other shit goes on behind it. And that was like, they were showing off the technology when they made those videos. They weren't even making it. They were like, just look at the buttons we got with this new software.

The videos were just bad, new special effects. Here's something a black guy has never said. Hey, man, you check out that Kajagoogoo video? No one's ever said it. I've never heard a brother say that ever. Yeah, some of those old videos were fucking preposterous. Yo, terrible. You know what I heard the other day that I haven't heard in a long time that really brought me back?

That I Want Candy song that I want candy song really hot bitch that's that's a girl song, girl singing about a boy. I think I was at a restaurant and it was playing in the background. It was like a pizza place or something. It was like, whoa. Did it immediately put you in a good mood? Well, I just always, the girl was. The sheriff was. Did you?

Brian. Did you have that sound? Don't do that, stupid. Shit. This is terrible. Shut it off. It's so bad. Breaking my brain.

It is so goddamn bad. God. But you know what's almost just as bad? Fuck. Yes, dear. You ever see that sitcom, Yes, Dear? Might as well be in the same fucking show show There's a lot of sitcoms That are on even currently

That are like holy shit They've been showing a Yes Dear Marathon On Nickelodeon It's unbelievable how bad that show was It's madness Like you're watching madness I always wondered why Anthony Clark blew a fuse Like what happened

I bet it was just working on that shitty show over and over and over those goddamn scripts every I don't know there's something extra bad about being a comedian and being on an unfunny show he's just knowing how bad yeah there's something extra bad yeah that. That fucking show. I was watching On the Family the other day, and that is the best show. So good. Do you remember how racist he was? Like, look at this.

No! While the astronauts are thinking it over, you and Henry are trying to find somebody else to buy the house. You don't call that crooked? No! That's looking off on number one. Where does that place Henry Jefferson? He's number two. Boy, is he number two. Because me, there can only be one number one where does that place henry jefferson he's number two why is he number two because me there can only be one number one and one number two and life made jefferson number

two long before i come along i suppose that the puerto ricans are number three then well no not necessarily there little girl your puerto ricans could be four your jobs and your change could be three. 3A, 3B. Crazy! That was the greatest show ever. You couldn't make that show now. I need to get that show on DVD. That's how good it is. Yeah, I wonder if they even censored the DVDs.

Because he dropped N-bombs. He called everyone jinxing it. Oh, yeah, yeah. We've become a bunch of pussies. We've become super-duper sensitive pussies. And a lot of people apologizing for a lot of shit. And because of that, you lose out on comedy, you know, because you're not – you can't tell me those guys don't still exist. Oh, yeah. You can't tell me that racism doesn't still exist.

It absolutely does. But I think racism in the context of a show like All in the Family, the way he's – I think it helps people. I think it helps people relate to how he's such a moron. It makes you realize he's a fucking idiot. It makes you relate to how everybody else sees him. It's probably good for the culture to be realistic about a guy like that. And you even see in that character, because it's so deep, you actually see how it's not the only thing that defines him.

So you still have a soft spot in a way for this guy who has a detestable aspect to his personality. Yeah, and they also did, I mean, Carol O'Connor, is that who played him? Yeah. Did an amazing job of playing him.

Oh my God. Amazing job, because he was a guy that clearly loved his children. He wasn't a terrible person. Right. You know, know he was tolerant even with meathead living with him he never got violent or anything like that you know what i mean like you could think about how a lot of fathers would have been like way more horrific but it was like he also was a buffoon and that buffoonery sort of like you go oh that's why he's racist the same reason why he's the butt of all

these jokes because he's a buffoon and i think that's a good thing i don't, that's why he's racist. The same reason why he's the butt of all these jokes because he's a buffoon. And I think that's a good thing. I don't think that's a bad thing at all. But you're right. You could never have that today. And the thing is when you cut, you don't want a character. They would censor a character like that today. You're doing a disservice to just your own honesty about people because you're not acknowledging that like you said that person's out there yeah

it's like how come you can acknowledge that the murderers are out there how can you can acknowledge every week on csi that there's a crazy fucking serial killer chopping up hookers you can do that every week and nobody has a problem with it yeah but if they had one character on tv that was a racist white guy that was talking shit about the chinks and the spics and be like what the fuck yeah everybody would protest people would say they were going to boycott their internet marketing campaigns to stop the hate and when is comedy too far well you know now did you see on the super bowl the commercial that people they didn't want it run because of the the white guy doing the jamaican accent like that was the gag they sent out a press release about how offensive it was.

And it was a car commercial where, like, the guy in Minnesota, a white guy, is doing a bad, or not even bad, I think it's a pretty decent Jamaican accent throughout the commercial. It's so crazy that they wanted an apology. And then you have, on another end of that what is it jc penny is trying to get was trying to get no or sears um has uh ellen jenner's as a spokeswoman and then there's protesters that are like we don't want you just lost a dollar for hiring her you know they should say good and we don't want your fucking fucking dollar And they would get more people supporting them Whatever they're going to lose from those people

They're not going to get back unless they stand up for it Talk about how fucking stupid this is What are you watching Brian? That's the commercial he was just talking about This is what these people wanted In this commercial pulled Wicked coffee Mr. Jim Julia

Turn the frown the other way around. Hey, Dave, you're from Minnesota, right? Yes, I. The land of 10,000 lakes. The gopher state. So in conclusion, things are pretty dismal. You know what this room needs? A smile. Who want to come with I? Traveling along, there's a song that we're singing. Hey traveling it's my car what for real they really for real they pulled that no they did not they wanted to a group what

brought they were like this is the racist, awful, prejudiced commercial. Oh my god. And you need to pull this shit down. That's hilarious. So what was the name of the group that wanted to pull it? If you did a Google search for it, the Super Bowl Jamaican-Minnesotan commercial, you'll see. It was a whole thing. And then everybody was anticipating because that news story came out before the Super Bowl.

Like, wait till you see this shit. Like, it's protest worthy. It's so crazy. And then that aired. You're like, yeah, that's what we're offended by now? People are so silly. Meanwhile, they were really clever in how they did that, where everything the guy says is very positive. Yeah.

It's not like, you know, doing a Jamaican accent, but just like banging a bunch of bitches. Yeah. Sleeping in a closet. Yeah. Yeah. Stealing oranges or something. You know, he was like trying to make everybody smile. I'm a Jamaican pot-smoking rapist, you guys.

All right. enough with that. People are so fucking sensitive. They're so stupid. Someone wrote some blog about, what's his face that did the Oscars? Seth MacFarlane? Oh, yeah. Apparently he said something about nobody can understand Salma Hayek, but no one cares because she's so hot. It's kind of funny.

I mean, it's not offensive. Oh, come on. And this fucking chick wrote this article where it was like, so what you're basically saying is that her opinion is invalid. It doesn't matter if she's communicating because you're just, you find her attractive and you can't understand it because she's Hispanic. Like, what? It's a comedy joke.

It's a joke, you fuckhead. You goddamn super sensitive shit fuck. It's the worst. That is ruining the fun and it's ruining life. And just, it's going to ruin communication between people is that type of reaction. Did you see with ESPN, they issued an apology on behalf of Brent Musburger for the national championship game when he commented on AJ McCarron's girlfriend. Yes. And you watched it and you're like, you want him to apologize for that?

What did he say? He said she was pretty. Beautiful woman. You starting quarterbacks get all the beautiful ones. And then I bet there's a lot of young boys out there in Alabama right now that just started throwing the ball around, just warming their arm up, getting ready. Yeah. What's wrong with that? I mean, the implication is that she is only with him because he's who he is and that he only sees in her her beauty because that's all Brent Musburger talked about

was how beautiful she was and how she's not just a piece of meat. And people wrote articles and had their opinions about how unbelievably offended they were that Brent Musburger was like, wow, what a beautiful woman. And to this obviously gorgeous woman that is standing there, that anybody's reaction would be, wow, what a beautiful woman she is. Not like, wow, I wonder what her thoughts are right now. It's so hilarious. People are so silly. And the real problem isn't other people listening to them. That's the real problem.

Of course. The real problem is that they can protest and they don't get mocked the way they would in your house, the way they would in your neighborhood, the way they would in a normal, healthy community. If someone brought that up, you'd be like, come on, get the fuck out of here, you crazy asshole. But because of the fact that they know that they can, you know, could you imagine if someone in your neighborhood was a guy and he had a beautiful wife and you knew that he was a football player and so you were all sitting around you're like somewhere guys are warming their arms up looking at her yeah can i get me one of those you'd laugh at that guy like that guy yeah he's silly yeah you know what i mean

like you but people are actually genuinely pretending to be upset yeah you can't be actually upset you're upset at the world if you're upset at that you're not really upset because you're really focusing on something that is – it's even less than important. Like it doesn't even belong in that like circle of conversation. This is not an issue. You're wasting your time and we all know it. That's why we get upset by that. We know that you're wasting everybody's time to ask for apologies for something that you might interpret coming out.

Like that's not even a direct statement, you know? Yeah. It's a weird thing that's going on where we've been around for so long. And comedy and offensive comedy has been around for so long. long but there's this new thing this righteous indignation that people are claiming now more than ever where they're pretending that there's not a joking context to a lot of this stuff that joking context doesn't even exist yeah yeah joking context doesn't exist and they'll take a joke as a statement did you know that he said he would like to see the queen getting eaten out by a hot 20 year old because i said that once i was talking about the queen getting eaten out by a hot 20 year old because

i said that once i was talking about the queen i was like you know she's probably a nice old lady you know wouldn't it be great if she was a lesbian i mean wouldn't that be like because if you if you know if you made the now if someone just looked at that oh joe wogan was hoping the queen could get eaten out by a hot 20 year old you'd be able to put that on the paper in england they would go crazy like what are you saying yeah like, I don't really mean that. These are jokes. Yeah. But to cut out that aspect of communication is to pretend.

It's like you're playing dumb. Like, you don't think so. You might not think it's funny. Yeah. But you know the difference between someone joking around and a very casual joke around, by the way, about a girl being attractive and guys are warming up their arms, throwing the ball around because they'd like to have an attractive girlfriend. Are we pretending that we don't like attractive people? Exactly.

What are we mad at? And we're also pretending that if you're factoring in an attractive person's attraction level, then that is cheap and short-sighted of you like what about the other you know factors about this person but you're like well why are we gonna pretend like their level of attraction isn't a factor it's a real factor yeah it's gonna it's gonna determine a lot of things in that person's life right you know and we're gonna just ignore that because they're attractive yeah yes come on just like ugly people don't have it good you know we can talk about that this real it's fucking real it's a shit roll of the dice and you all know it god damn it if you need Trent Reznor's wife I I just found out about

her look at her she is the most I found out about her music and then I was like I need to find out who this is. I need to stalk her. All right, stalker boy. Yeah, I need to stalk her. And then I found out it was Trent Reznor's wife. But her music is like Pink Floyd mixed with electronic music. It's really good.

What's her name? Yeah. Her band's called How to Destroy Angels. They have a new CD that just came out today. That sounds like an angry bitch. Fucking angel. And then I tweeted it. I tweeted how much I like it.

And then all these people are like, she's the new Yoko Ono. She fucking killed nine snails. Stupid people. Oh, well. Oh, well. This woman who wrote this article, I kind of agree with some of the things she's saying, though.

Her name is, this is the one who was complaining about comedy does not win a free pass, is the name of the article, saying Seth MacFarlane at the Oscars. Some of what she's saying I agree with. She's sick of people saying things that are racist

and sexist and that someone saying it's just comedy somehow gives you a free pass. It doesn't give you a free pass. I agree with that. But you know what does give you a free pass? If it's funny? funny yeah that's that's what she's missing like if someone says something fucked up and racist but hilarious yeah you can say that you can say it you can say it as long as i know that you're just joking and there's there's certain shit like you'll do like you'll

like crack like this fucked up half smile and you'll say something and i know you're bullshitting yeah you're like doing a joke to me right and i know you're doing it yeah and i'll laugh my ass off because i know you really don't mean this mean thing that you're saying yeah but you'll say it joking and like you'll say with that smile it's like you can't quite it's fun yeah it's a fun thing to do and it's not reality it's not like a statement on things yeah the idea that joking doesn't exist or the idea that something that is fucking hilarious shouldn't be said because it's also racist or it's also sexist is so silly. I mean, can I tell you, too, that I feel like there basically are two groups as far as who gets your point, what you're saying and then who gets upset by it and it's almost almost split down the line of intelligent and not so intelligent whereas intelligent people I feel like get what you joking yeah they get joking around that people who are a little bit you know I'm not

breaking it down like an IQ level but they're like do you not get this right now i agree with you to a certain extent but i also think that there's one other segment that you have to address and that is unhappy people that's very true there's a lot of smart people that are fucking miserable and they want to complain about anything they can and anytime they think they have the red light or the green light to go they will just go right the cuntiest shit they can fucking think up because they've been looking for a green light they've been looking for a chance to get pissed about something yeah and if you say these x words in a row and they know that this is a green light i'm going after this fuck and they just find the angle what's the angle to attack him at yeah you know he believes slavery should be back in season can you you believe what this person... I cannot believe.

Righteous indignation. And you know what? You make a good point because that can be either a smart or a dumb person. And they're... Often smart. Often smart. And if they do get happy,

you get to experience, whether they're smart or dumb, a totally different person. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And more joyful and more laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And more joyful and more laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another problem with people that are really smart is that they recognize the variables.

They recognize the consequences of failure. They recognize the consequences of their own laziness or whatever it is that's kept them from being successful. They are frustrated by their own inability to reach their potential in life. Right. So then when they find a green light, like it's Seth MacFarlane telling jokes at the Oscars, like they're frustrated. Right.

Okay, already. And smart. And go. Find something to attack. When you're really sort of projecting some of your internal bullshit on a silly subject, him saying that Salma Hayek is hot so no one cares that you can't understand her, that's what? What's horrible about that?

Have you ever heard her talk? Jesus fucking Christ. Are we pretending that she's easy to understand? Are you really going to pretend that that's a good? I don't know what to do, Mr. Jones. She's fucking really hard to understand. Yeah, of course. And she's also really hot as fuck

Yeah I've met her in real life She's beautiful She's very very She was on that Here Comes the Boom movie She's beautiful She's smoking hot

But why would Why would she be upset That she's hard to understand Really Yeah If it didn't make sense It wouldn't be funny For the record

I'd like to fill her up And seal her shut Yes Yeah I would like to fill her up With so much cum That she could float in the ocean. She would just – she's so buoyant. They don't even know why.

I would like her to have so much cum in her that it's dripping out of her nose and she uses it as seasoning on her tacos. And you know what this dummy that wrote this needs to understand? Here's the big part. If it didn't make sense, it wouldn't be funny. Okay? If you try to say that about Jennifer Aniston, that nobody understands her, but no one cares because she's so hot, people would be like, what? Yeah. What are you talking about?

Jennifer Aniston is very easy to understand. Right. So why are you pretending? Why are you saying that's hurtful? That's crazy talk. And you're talking about the Oscars, just silly expression of rewarding people that are making movies. They reward each other. And all you have to do is this guy who's just trying to get a couple of hee-hees and ha-ha's in between.

He's got a few moments to make a little bit of an impact yeah hey let's say Salma Hayek's hot and fucking you can understand her but who cares okay good good good and like you're constructing a little comedy routine yeah you mentioned how high pressure that hosting gig is well you know what should be high pressure writing this stupid blog she's had a thousand people on reddit review this blog and then and then then decide you decide how it gets rated with red stars over the top of it. And then this company decides whether or not they want to fucking print your dumb shit. But she's right about that comedians shouldn't get a free pass.

They shouldn't. There's shit that's just racist, and it's not funny. And you hear it, and it's you know someone crossed the line and a lot of times that's incompetence a lot of times it's guys who think that they're being edgy so that's funny but they don't really know how to be funny like we've all worked with guys they're shockingly bad yeah oh yeah yeah yeah you know and that that sort of sometimes people say things. Yeah. And they just say things because they're stuck on stage and they start talking.

They don't even know what the fuck they're saying. But they're trying to be edgy. Right. So then they say something like really fucked up and racist. Have you ever seen that happen? Of course. Of course you have, right? Yeah, of course.

Yeah, that feeling when you're panicking. But this – obviously this is – she's talking about a monologue. But this – obviously this is – she's talking about a monologue. I've seen it with very – like a guy trying to make a very – like trying to be edgy in a sex joke. Oh, no. And then just goes through it and you're like, holy shit. Like you sound like you're going to murder and kill and rape bitches tonight. Yeah. Like you could tell he just didn't know.

He just wanted to run through it, how crazy it sounded. And you're like, that does not sound good, man. There's no joke there. Yeah. through it yeah crazy it sounded and you're like that does not sound good man there's no joke there yeah there's certain certain things that people say on stage and the way they say them one person could say it and it's really hilarious sure and then like half the shit joey diaz says if it wasn't someone as lovable as joey diaz you'd be like get this guy off if he was like an awkward white guy that was kind of shifty or if you just saw his his act what he says written yes you'd be like oh my god yeah yeah yeah meanwhile you'll never see that you don't have to worry about that happening that's not written anywhere that act they written

down he got mad at me once for having a notebook what are you doing walking around with this fucking notebook really yeah like you want these fucking with this fucking notebook? Really? Yeah. Like you're one of these fucking. What are those? What's that place that they all go to? What's the alternative room? UCB. UCB.

What are you, one of those fucking UCB homos? He got mad that I had a notebook. You know what the fuck I'm saying. You're letting everybody know you got your notebook. It's my fucking notes i'm about to go on stage i don't know what to say to that i'm letting everybody know that i take notes like the fuck does that even mean he's so great i've seen him uh go on stage and just um really just talk shit on people in the audience for like 15 minutes just talk things out there was nothing he was really just in the moment and it was like the funniest shit i've ever seen yeah you you can't

like personality and like what is funny and what's not funny it's also so subjective so someone's saying a comedian getting a free pass well it might not be good for you okay but you got to understand that that's that person doing his thing. It's like the same as someone singing a song. You're just not thinking about it that way. When someone's singing a song, they're creating a piece of entertainment. When someone's doing a joke, they're creating a piece of entertainment too. But it's a completely different process, and sometimes it doesn't work.

It's not like someone said that, like you asked them, Hey, Tom Seguraura what do you think about white girls with cornrows yeah and you know and you just go well you know i fucking think they're a bunch of crazy bitches they'll stab you like you're not being interviewed for the news right you're telling jokes of course and that that's a real like to me that's a real social problem yeah that people need to be called on because i think when when people think that they can just get away with being twatty like that and everybody gives them that political correct free pass yeah and puts logic out the door and doesn't call them on it going that's not what's going on here this

is a well you shut the fuck up if i was in your living room can you imagine if you're in your in your house and you and uh fucking seth mcfarland are sitting there joking around and he says that about salma hayek and you guys both start laughing he like a couple you know a couple guys would and then this woman is also there and she's on the couch just the three of you and she starts complaining oh yeah you'd be like what and then and and you would have a crazy argument about your size. And then you would be like, we're never hanging out with that person ever again. Well, it's the most ironic thing because lefties and progressive people are always espousing freedom of speech.

The First Amendment, freedom of the press. They're always talking about how important it is to have a free internet. about how important it is to have a free internet. But meanwhile, they're also like the first people willing to get upset at someone expressing themselves in a manner that they find amusing or that they find shocking but funny. You should have free speech up until it bothers me. Yes, exactly. Free speech up until you cross the conservative line when I feel like you've crossed into some area where I can make fun of you.

Do you ever get – have you gotten mail, hate mail about jokes, you know? Not really. Yeah, I mean, sure. There's been certain things that people have been upset about. Yeah. I always feel like going like – do you remember this thing that you – this was on a stand-up comedy show. Yeah. Or this was on a comedy series.

Well, you had a lot of people mad at you about that bike joke right so many do you you looked like a little like bothered by it at one point in time like I just I didn't know I wanted to kill you what whether like it was a normal reaction like because it was the first thing that had gotten any like real exposure gotten any like real exposure yeah i was like is this normal that everybody wants to kill you the big thing that it got was it got the um it got the huffington post home comedy page for a day so like it was the first thing on huff post comedy because it was using being used to promote the new season of actually well but, but my special in was the, was the season debut of the series.

So it was, Hey, the series is back for season, whatever. Here's a clip from the first episode, you know? So it was that kind of thing, like a big promo thing.

What's the series? It was comedy central presents, which is, Oh, right. So they were going to air, you know, 15 of them.

How many did they do last year? They did about, I think around 16. Oh, that oh that's great yeah that's called the half hour now they changed the name of it yeah and then they just shot the new ones uh yes this past weekend in new york dude you should try to get one of those brian actually yes you just got his it should be your goal when i'm talking about buddy that should be your goal. We're not talking about Buddy. He shot, right? It should be your goal. Your goal should be to put one of those together. You could do that. I need to get a manager first or something like that. Son, you need to get a notebook. Get a notebook.

Don't worry about that, dude. You don't need a manager first. You need to just do a lot of writing. A lot of writing, get on stage. You know, you got some really killer jokes, dude. You have some funny shit. You have some good ideas. You could really put down a special if you wanted to if you really

wanted to dedicate yourself to it yeah you can work up to that for sure man have you ever been so drunk that you couldn't even like you had to just get off the stage no never that drunk no no no i've i've been um i've really the most i've ever had is like a buzz from drinking where I recognized that it was throwing off my timing and stuff like yeah yeah and then I just couldn't think as quick that's not good so I I personally I mean I know everyone's different with it I don't drink until I'm done performing because I'll fuck me up sometimes I do sometimes I have a couple of drinks but you pull it off yeah but I prefer honestly I prefer my sets when I'm just a little bit high,

or sober. Yeah. Those are my best sets. Yeah, me too. But every now and then I'll go up lit and crush, especially like at the Ice House. Jesus Christ, because it's like home. It's like home base.

I'll get a couple of Jack Daniels and go up to the Ice House because the Ice House is like so positive. It's like home. It's like home base. I'll get a couple of Jack Daniels and go up to the Ice House because the Ice House is like so positive. It's great. Like everyone there is all hugs. The waiters are cool. The bartenders are cool. The waitresses are cool. The managers are cool.

It's like when you go to the Ice House, that's like love. That's like a family environment. When we do those Wednesday nights there, we'll probably do one next week too, by the way, folks. We do those Wednesday nights, and it's packed on a Wednesday night at 10. It's like you could do anything there. So those I might get hammered from. I could get a little fucked up. Yeah.

That crowd. I have a show there Friday, by the way. Do you? Where at? The Little Room? Ice House. Who are you there with? I believe.

I can't remember now. I'll have to look at my phone. Powerful advertisement. What time is your show? It's at 10 o'clock. Icehousecomedy.com. Death Squad show. We have a very odd podcast on Friday with Dr. Amit Goswami.

He's a theoretical physicist. Oh, wow. Particle physicist, guys. What's he going to talk about? Theoretical physics. Like, did he write a book?'s he going to talk about? Theoretical physics. Like, did he write a book? He's going to talk about the nature of matter. He's going to talk about string theory.

He's going to talk about how the fucking world is really constructed. How inside of every atom is just empty space. How this idea of strings vibrating that control and create all matter. It's going to be a total mindfuck's like super legit he's you know he's like as legit as those quantum scientists go those quantum guys are so strange yeah it's so hard to understand because everything they're doing like is is all this alien mathematical language like you see them writing it out and in in that alien mathematical language as they're writing down writing it out, and in that alien mathematical language, as they're writing down all those fucking symbols

and all that Einstein, you know, fucking... What's that movie with Matt Damon? Oh, yeah, yeah. What was that movie? Something About Apple. Something About Apple. Something A Bunch Of Numbers. Good Will Hunting.

Good Will Hunting, yeah. When he's writing all that stuff on the board, and you don't know if it's right. You don't know if that shit's – you have no idea what all that is. He might as well be writing ancient hieroglyphs. What's that shit for? Well, it's mathematics. It's complex mathematics.

But when he's writing that, these guys are writing that shit. I've seen them on notes. They'll have an inspiration for the way an equation is supposed to be interacting with the environment. My brain definitely doesn't. It's like the real problem with dealing with those guys, it's like even when you're asking questions about how they came to the conclusions, like how they understand these things and where the ideas of string theory come from, it's like you can't even measure it.

They're talking about something that they say works in number form, will show you like paper you'll never get it no you're gonna be like okay like you'll try to get off they spray pixie dust and then they say alakazam and babies are born I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get it because I don't get algebra one I don't think I would get the advanced shit with it that I don't even I can't understand the beginning of what they're trying to even explain. I think some people just don't have the capacity or the ability. Well, it's the pursuit. I mean I think it's like almost anything.

If you have an interest in it and you pursue it, you can get good at it. And I think mathematics is probably real similar to whether it's literature or even athletics. It's like what do you focus your energy on? You focus your energy on this, you're going to figure out how to do it. If it's interesting to you, I mean you might not be the best in the world at it, but if you put your focus on it, you're going to be able to figure out how to do it. That's true. Almost anything.

Almost anything. But it's like what entices you. Are you like, ooh, math, ooh? No, you're not. With you, it's like, oh, stage time. Let me get to a joke. Oh, I'm going to kill. That's what entices you.

What's attractive to you is what you pursue. What's attractive to you is stand-up comedy. But if you were one of those wacky dudes like that Russian guy who solved this prize, they were going to give him a million-dollar prize. The guy, he didn't even want the money. He's so fucking crazy. This dude is just up there in Siberia writing shit down on paper, and he solved some crazy mathematical equation that they had been trying to – I should pull up the actual information so it doesn't sound like I'm talking out of my ass.

But he – Russian – let me pull this up. I'm going to just google Russian scientist Come dog Wins math prize Doesn't want it Let's see if that works And notice that I didn't use Bing

I used fucking Google Okay There's these new commercials You should try Bing Yeah Bing is actually better than Google. It's more fun. You'd be surprised. Bing's so crazy. It's fun. I like when a search engine is a good goddamn time. I'll tell you one thing, though. We had this thing on Muff Said the other day. If you Google the word boobs, safe search off, you don't get any tits but if you go to yahoo and do boobs

you get tits but which one you don't google really yeah google's trying to hide the heads so i understand trying to make that paper this is the dude um he uh is a russian scientist from saint petersburg his name is gregory bergman. He's a 40-year-old man, and he won the Fields Medal, often described as mass equivalent to the Nobel Prize for a breakthrough in the study of shapes that experts say might help scientists figure out the shape of the universe. I'm super offended, by the way, you said his name with that accent. Grigory Perlman. it's really offensive john ball president of the international mathematics union said that he had urged perlman perl p-e-r-e-l-m-a-n

so i don't know what that is perlman perlman perlman anyway homeboy he urged homeboy to accept the medal but he said he felt isolated from the mathematics community and does not want to be seen as a figurehead. Wow. He just didn't want the money. He passed on a million-dollar money, a million-dollar prize. A million dollars. Yep. He also seems uninterested, according to colleagues, in a separate $1 billion prize he could win providing the Poincaré conjecture, a theorem about the nature of multidimensional space.

Whoa. Whoa, indeed. Whoa. Yeah, he's too smart. Yeah. That's a dude that's too smart and doesn't understand what $2 billion can get you because it can get you a lot of cool shit. Yeah. All you're going to have to do –

One of the things you can do is move from Siberia with your million dollars. Yeah. You got to be a really crazy fuck to pass on a million bucks. Fuck yeah. But you probably also have to be a really crazy fuck to be able to think in such a spectacular way. Yeah, yeah. It's like the fact that this guy – I mean it's not that this guy wasn't successful

because he studied mathematics only and he put all his focus on mathematics. But once he got really good at that, well then he was able to capitalize on his excellence. No. No, it's they offered him money and he said, I don't want to go back to shock and write things on the papers. I just realized, too, that I was talking about people's intelligence earlier in this podcast. And that if that guy met me, he'd be like, are you the dumbest person in the world? I've never spoken to somebody as stupid as you.

Tell me again. Well, I wonder what he would be like socially. Probably a little awkward. I solved these equations in my Siberian hut. Maybe he's so smart that he figured out sociology and he figured out the interaction between human beings. Then he becomes the coolest fucking guy

in the world if he's that guy. But if he's that guy, he takes the two mil. We all know that. That guy takes the two mil and definitely goes pimping you should double up you know what someone just called somebody that i thought was an awesome fucking expression called him a suitcase pimp suitcase pimp i've never heard that i like that i've heard it many times but i hadn't heard it in a while a suitcase pimp what's up suitcase pimp so it's a suitcase pimp. What's up, suitcase pimp? Someone said suitcase pimp. But it's not a positive term. Suitcase pimp is like a hustler.

You know, it's like he's never got his shit together. He's always like living out of a suitcase. Somebody said some shit that was so cool to me that I just didn't get it. You know, when it's like too much cooler than you. Somebody yelled that shit at me in Cleveland. They're like, I'm so icy. They call me daisy i was like that sounds cool i just don't know what the fuck you mean man in the um porn

world they use that term suitcase pimp oh really yeah in the porn world a suitcase pimp is the unemployed boyfriend of the porn star oh that's a suitcase that's all over that industry oh yeah support you gotta have support. Isn't that the craziest thing? It's always those guys. It's always those guys. Yeah. You know?

It's always... You've got to get paid, baby. It's strippers as well. Like, a lot of strippers. It's like... Especially, like, girls at work are really nasty places. Yeah. They don't feel good about it.

Right. They need a man. And they want a man waiting for them when they get home to cuddle with and snuggle yeah trying to get out the memories of all those boners and it's always a guy that's a loser cuz I mean you know a lot of guys out there right now it's tripper girlfriends going fuck you should yeah but it's true if you're at home and you don't pay the bills and you don't you know you don't contribute to the household, you're unemployed, and your girl's out there sticking her pussy in guys' faces, there's a reason why that's not the conventional setup.

It's because you're number one, bro. That's why. Basically the most awesome guy ever. You're the bro-iest bro. And your band is awesome, too. And that barbed wire tat is looking fucking rad bro does anybody do barb wire anymore I wonder if someone does it ironically it's gotta be but thing is it's ironic but you gotta be you gotta be rolling with a really a

crew that really knows you to get the your name ironic well how many well Ari has keep on truckin tattoo does he that's that's ironic and I think everyone gets that yeah canane has one to a funny silly one I forget what it is though on his like side or his tat somebody find out suitcase yeah he's got a funny one I have waterfalls yeah barbed wire come on you can't do this anymore right yeah do girls still get tramp stamps? I think so. How many girls have gotten just a Target? Just put an actual Target. Aim here. Yeah, just like concentric rings, bullseye.

There's some freaky fucking ones around pussies on the internet, right? You've seen some of them. You're like, oh my. Like it's a demon's mouth that is around her box. And you're like, you really thought that that was going to be a good move i think real i think that cat butthole belly button tattoo one is the grossest one it's just oh yeah once a cat butthole on your fucking tummy yeah mine would look really bad it's all hairy do you lint in it all the time yeah you you have lint in it yeah i think

i think the other day like a bug crawled in my belly button and then got squished when i was sleeping really and i like put my finger in there and this thing came out it looked like a like a squished bug really big one though like a well they oh oh okay well sometimes it looks like spiders when i pull out the lint and there's all these hairs in them i'm like oh is that a 70 leg spider and then i realized it was just a ball lint but yeah this girl got diarrhea tattooed on her back come on yeah like like the word diarrhea or just diarrhea i guess that's for dudes who are trying to fuck her in the butt just like i just want to steer you away from that right away. It's going to go poorly. Yeah, if you look on Google Images under tramp stamps, one girl has a whole Bible passage written on her lower back up to her ass.

Is that the last shit you want to be reading when you're banging a hot chick doggy style? Because her ass looks tremendous, too. And it's a Bible verse? It's a giant literary tattoo but maybe it's really like hey I want you to come right here in a second but it's just written really Corinthians no this is this is what it says this is this bitch is so crazy love is patient love is kind it does not envy love this is all written on her ass. Love is never boastful, not conceited, nor rude.

It's hard because of the curve of her ass. Something self-seeking. Calmly, not calmly, argued. It keeps no secrets, blah, blah, blah. It does delight in evil, but rejoices in, I can't read it, blah, blah, blah. Protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves. There is never a blah, blah, blah, something face. There is no limit to its faith. This do open it this is all in her ass

if you do google translate it just said raped by father oh it keeps going dude there is this on her ass yes this is all i'll show you really but the greatest them all is love look at that oh my god like she like wrote i mean it's a paragraph i think i would lose my erection joe did you see this woman in columb Columbus the one that has all her tattoos including Tom Segura mine mine but I know her she's awesome yeah that's a you sign it yeah that's that's Dom and Alyssa yeah yeah did you sign it no no I didn't sign it because she didn't ask me to but I signed Dom's leg. Her brother, Dom. I hope she covers all that shit up with a big Gucci Mane ice cream cone.

Have you seen that? Gucci Mane put an ice cream cone on his face? Yeah. Well, what's his name? And it says Burr. Have you seen it? Pull up the picture of Gucci Mane ice cream cone face tattoo. How about Big Baby Bur Birdman's oil drill on his head?

There's an oil drill on his head? An oil drill going tattooed on the side of his head. Does he really? Yes, man. That's crazy. He's got giant stars all over his head too, right? It's insane. Do you know who just tattooed his fucking head?

Jason Ellis. He put a giant... Look at it. Damn. Look. It's got lightning bolts. Man man my eyes can be on fire gucci man is crazy look at him he put an ice cream cone on his face it says burr you see it you see it on the cone yeah b r r r and the tattoo guy was like okay cold as ice man could you

could you um i want i'm gonna have to get you to request this on video. And then I need you to get, I need you to write this down. Come on, man. Just tattoo it. I ain't going to change my mind. Put butter piccata on my face, man. Yo, dog. Don't be giving me no vanilla ice cream.

I hate vanilla. I want a cone. A good one. Like a waffle type motherfucker. Cookie dough ice cream. No spoon, man. No spoon. I want a cone. A good one. Like a waffle type motherfucker. Cookie dough ice cream. No spoon, man. No spoon. I lit that shit up.

Them delicious cones with the upper level that is like styrofoam like. The craziest part are the lightning bolts. Put lightning on my ice cream. But he's got other shit on his face, too. He's got like writing on his face, too. He's just like using his face to draw. Can you see what it says under his eye? Can you read what it says?

He has things on his eye, under his eye? Oh, those are tattoos too? Oh my God. It looks like it says... Under his eye says something? What the fuck? Sup, boopie? Or some shit.

What does that say? It looks like... I see. What does it say? 1,000 veg? I don't know. It's hard to see. 10 times 10 say? 1,000 veg? I don't know. It's hard to say. 10 times 10 with the S on the M.

And on the other side, he looks like a dove or something. From the Honda's back. Yeah, that dude is probably irrational. Gucci? Yeah. What is his music like? Have you ever heard his music? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it good? I mean, yeah. Gucci Mane's got some hits out there, man. Really? Yeah, yeah. What's your favorite? I don don't know i don't remember the name can we listen to a little bit of gucci man yeah are we gonna get kicked off youtube if we put this up yeah does gucci man independent is he out there working for the man or does he have some he's got a verse he's gotta have a big deal yeah he's yeah's got a big deal. Are they having those big deals anymore?

The record industry? We were just talking about it the other day, about how you used to be able to go to a town and you'd go to Tower Records, and you can go pick up a CD. There's no Tower Records anymore. There's no Virgin Megastore. Have you seen Lil Poopy?

Lil Poopy? L-I-L Poopy. Have you seen him? No. He's a rapper? He's a nine-year-old rapper, and his name's Lil Poopy. It is the best. All right, let me say Lil Poopy. That's better.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Pull that other thing up. I want to hear Gucci Mane. I want to hear Lil Poopy. Gucci Mane hangs out with the Rick Ross, the fake Rick Ross. Please isolate. I want to hear Gucci Mane. I don't want to hear gucci man i'm not saying that the fake rick ross

is uh he's doing well that fake rick ross okay stop it there's no need for that music he's got better he's got another there's no for his biggest hit like dude's top singles yeah yeah you should get another sample but the fact that he's capable of that. He's mad hood, man. He's got to make it for the streets. You know what I'm saying? Mad hood?

Is that a mad hood song? I think definitely. That sounds like some shit you would hear bumping ATL if you were rolling the right That song sounds like you locked him in a garage with a hundred cars running and made him breathe the fumes for a year. Definitely. And then you brought him out. He was barely alive.

This is a little poopy. Oh, this is a little poopy. Okay. This is terrible too. Okay, okay, okay. I don't want to get sued by Little Poo Poo. Give him some Gooch, man. Pull up Gucci Mane's greatest hit.

Try to find Gucci Mane's greatest hit. I think we sorted by view count. Oh, really? Do a search for it. Yeah, he's got to have a bigger hit than that. For sure. Defending it. I want you to get a good sample of Gucci.

Here's a good Gucci. Okay. No, this is not going to be Gucci Mane this fuck. He's going to put something else on. Some buttholes. He's going to put Rebecca Black Friday. No, no. Rebecca Black Friday.

No, no. I just... That chick, her deal was... They gave her a bunch of money. Remember that? Rebecca Black? No, no, no. I just heard Creation on right then, right? How do you even know who that is?

It was a big deal. She got like a... I feel like I know you, and then I feel like I don't. She got like a million dollar advance, which was not as common now for an unknown artist. And then that album didn't sell well at all. Really? When was this? I think within the last year.

Huh. I don't know anybody today. I'm out of the loop. I'm pretty out of it. I know stuff like that because it's in the news. And I know mostly the music I grew up on. I'm not aware of a lot of the new shit. Gucci Mane, I know because, you know, like a son of me.

There's so much music that has been made. When you think about the fact that from 1960 whatever to today, you want to go crazy, you want to go Robert Johnson. You can listen to some shit recorded in the 30s and 40s, right? But think about that till today. What a gigantic pile of music that is. I mean, there's so much out there. What a body of work. All the different musicians in the 60s, the 70s, the 50s.

Oh, my God. There's so much music. It's like to come up with new stuff, it's like to really get me into it, it has to be like the Black Keys. Spent just crazy amounts of money. Did he blow through all of it? Nine cars and shit. Yeah, like he blew through a lot of it. He was on that broke special that they aired and he was just like somebody pulled up in like a Ferrari.

You're like, yeah, that shit's hot. I got to top that shit. So then he would go like that day. I got the Lambo with the brains blown out man Like just to top each other guys just buy shit to show off, you know to compete with each other on it They say that there's some ungodly number of people It's like 80% of all NFL players are broke and in bankruptcy within two years of retiring It's it's incredible. I mean, you know older I get, the more I understand the younger guys having no, like zero.

Sense. And also zero financial IQ. They don't know. 21, they're like, here's $3 million. And they're like, what the fuck? Yo, let's get this party started. 22. Can you imagine?

It's crazy. But it's crazier when they're like, he played 10, 12, 16 years like Iverson, and he's blown through like $200 million. Is Iverson broke now? Yes. Yes. And how old is he now? He's 37, something like that. And his body's not working right anymore.

Oh, he's out of the NBA. Yeah. And he's trying to play, but he's run through well into nine figures you know wow i mean i you know and that's and that's you know you have to consider he made a lot of he did endorsements so nine figures nine figures dude yeah i make seven figures yeah girls would be like whoa he makes seven figures it's like i make Nine. I blew to it all. Yeah. That's crazy, man.

Whoopsies. It's crazy. He blew through $100 million. It's so much. They interviewed one defensive guy on the broke thing. And he was like, I don't know why, man. But he's like, everybody had a car wash. So we all had a fucking car wash man that shit that shit did not last like we all spent money on a car wash we all bought a car wash yeah man you ain't got your own car wash

and bart scott had the he was like you buy that's unnecessary he's not broke at all he's still playing and he's like i'm smarter with my money but he's like you know everybody's a stupid purchase i bought a coat i think it was made of wolf and he's like i wore that once and it was like 35. You can wear a wolf coat? I think so, man. Jesus Christ. A wolf coat. That shit would be dope.

My dogs would attack it. Wouldn't let a wolf in the house like that. I was thinking about how absurd is it, like how unprepared my mind is to see grown men in any type of fur. If you don't have an AK-47 in your hand, or you're not a coke dealer, or you're stepping off a team plane, I'm not mentally prepared to see a man in fur. Or you're Russian. Yeah.

In Siberia with a hatchet in your hand. Sure. And you got your Kalashnikov, and you're ready to fucking get down. But other than that, walking around when dudes have fur shit on. So warm. Have you ever worn a fur coat? I put my mother's on when i was like 12 yeah i have a friend who uh is a rich guy back in boston and he wore a full length fur coat yeah and uh i go what

is that it's like it's a mink coat i go you're wearing a mink coat he goes yeah he goes you got to try it on i go really he goes yeah try it on try it on. I go, really? He goes, yeah, try it on. Try it on. I go, okay. I'm like, oh, my God. It's crazy. It's so warm. They're so comfortable. Yeah. You know?

It's gross when they have the legs still attached around the top. Have you seen it? That's gangster. That's like shrunken heads. That's pretty crazy. It's like people wearing shrunken heads. Look what I got. My fucking conquest. Yeah.

It keeps you warm. People are like, well, you know know i really think it's fucked up that uh people kill minks it is fucked up that people kill minks it totally is but you know what happens when people don't kill minks they get eaten alive by wolves yeah yeah they get killed like they don't live like it's not like a minks is gonna live forever i get it though it's like it's tough it's tough to you to rationally look at it and say, you think it's okay to kill an animal just for its fur? I say no. I say no. I say the only way you should kill an animal is if you're going to use the whole animal. Eat it.

Eat it for sure. Eat it for sure. I mean, that I think is the most important. If you use the other parts of it as well, yeah. But just the fur, man, that seems fucked up. I agree. And then what's even i think worse or on the same line is when they they kill the elephants for the tusks like that's just the worst man that's dark there's a big controversy about that with uh pool players because uh there's a lot of parts of pool cues that they use ivory for. Oh, really? Mm-hmm, yeah, but it has to be pre-ban ivory, and they're really good at monitoring where the ivory comes from,

and occasionally people get arrested for selling illegal ivory. There was a guy that distributed stuff for pool cue makers, like ivory and exotic woods and stuff along those lines. He got arrested a few years back because he was selling illegal ivory. They take that shit very seriously. I'm glad. But you're allowed to have it. You're allowed to have the banned ivory.

And the idea is that, first of all, those animals are dead. And they killed so many of them. So many. okay and they killed so many of them so ivory was worth so much money that between i think it was like 1980 and a whenever the band was in instituted in 1987 their their population dipped by over a million i think they were at like 1.5 million and they were down to 500 000 so um it's it's imperative that people understand that like a lot of the ivory that you use today and stuff is like there's so much of it. You don't have to kill anything for it. And if you don't use it, it's kind of fucked because that means somebody murdered these animals for their ivory and then didn't use them for things.

Yeah. But if you murder them now and use their ivory for shit, it's fucked up. It's a real gray area if you look at it that way. It's like, would you be willing to have ivory tusks if you found them in a store in your house, like mounted? They're beautiful, and they're crazy to look at. If you've ever seen them in a... There's a mammoth tusk at this museum.

It's fucking fascinating, man. It's amazing, but as far as we know, nobody ever shot a mammoth right you know right right dealing with an elephant that some dude put a sniper bullet through his fucking brain I'm said I think it make me too sad that around probably right yeah yeah because the only was only one way you get those things the animal two ways the animal dies on its own which is pretty fucking rare you know that's not how usually you guys live a long time yeah they can live a long time yeah yeah or you should that's the other problem they live a long time and they're fucking smart yeah

you know elephants are smart elephants recognize each other after not seeing each other for like 20 years like it's crazy yeah watch they run over and grab trunks and wrap their trunks around each other and knowing they're like cuddlingling practically you know yeah it's it's it's fucked up that for years people just slaughtered them for ivory oh and that's the thing too is you're you're they're killing these big beautiful animals just for one thing and then they're like yeah that's cool and then they move along those animals will fucking kill you too though are these elephants gonna fuck all right wow can you imagine having to carry that weight look at the size of that thing he's going in i don't think they have big dicks i think he's trying to go deep but it's like barely has a dick oh there is that thrust right there look at the

size of his body look at the ass muscles on that thing you ever thought about that maybe cool if they walk around with that all the time what do you think he squats that guy oh he could do a house put a whole house on his back, he'll squat it. Oh, my God. Look at the size of his muscles. What a freaky fucking animal an elephant is. And he's just dropping right now. He's just like, ah.

He's in an intense fucking low dropping. Elephants are so much weirder than the Avatar people. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they are. They're so weird. That trunk is completely alien. A long nose that picks shit up. What?

There's no other thing like it. Oh, did you see that spray? That's a huge dick, dude. That's a hog and a half. That's a hog and a half. Look at the size of that thing. Holy shit. Oh, my God.

Are we allowed to show elephant hogs on your stream? It's okay because it's like nature. Yeah, that was a big dick. That could kill you. Definitely could kill you. Not as big as a horse's dick, though, I don't think. That? I think that is bigger.

No, no, no. The one we just saw right there? No, horses have ridiculous dicks. But gorillas, this is a gorilla. Think about how far away we were. A lot of people don't know this. Smaller dicks. Yeah, we'll be visiting again with our friend Dr. Christopher Ryan.

He's going to be back on the podcast. He's the author of that book, Sex at Dawn. He'll be on Monday the 25th. Looking forward to that. One of the things that he said is that gorillas, in his book, he talks about dick size. Gorillas have really little dicks. is that gorillas, in his book, he talks about dick size. Gorillas have really little dicks.

And the reason why they have little dicks is because they didn't have to have a big dick to dominate. They just have a bunch of chicks who listen to them. The girls aren't slutty. They stay put. And he doesn't really need a big dick. So he's got this little tiny, tiny dick. Because it's not about her. It's about him getting on top, pinning her down, sticking his little tiny dick in there she ain't going anywhere he doesn't have to like prove

himself to her right whereas chimpanzee chicks are whores chimpanzees don't run any sort of brothel they don't have like a harem of chicks like a gorilla does chimpanzees can't rock it like that chimpanzee girls are just too slutty so chimpanzees because of, have enormous testicles. And the reason why they have enormous testicles, on a male primate, the testicle size is directly proportionate to the amount of promiscuous females that are in your area. Really? Yes.

So if the females are monogamous and you don't have to compete to earn their trust and their sex, your balls shrivel up, your dick shrivels up. You don't need as much jizz. But when there's competition, when there's a lot of shit going down, that's when you need to have big balls and a big dick. Humans have the biggest dicks out of all the primates. Human dicks are bigger than chimps.

Chimps are next. But it's because human girls are the sluttiest of the sluts in all the animal community. Oh, right. Those dirty bitches. So our dicks have to compensate for those. Yeah. And the bigger the dude's dick is, the most likely, the bigger the amount of sluts he's around. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, it is. Genetically, like in his

environment where he was born and conceived. Ball-sized too, probably. Yeah, I mean, over the course of obviously generation after generation. It's not like it's an instant thing your mom's a whore you got a giant dick right it's not like that but but that's the reason for it wow and then yeah absolutely but it makes sense i mean we we look at all sexual things so emotionally you know we always look at it like you know we look at it as ourselves you know like oh well what does he care about the fucking why does she care how big my dick is if you love me you know but nature doesn't care about your emotions at all nature

doesn't care about you know your your desire for acceptance and it doesn't it cares about numbers it cares about who is going to make the most babies who's going to be the most effective breeding who's going to have the bigger dick, who's going to be the most effective breeding, who's going to have the bigger dick that's going to transfer to his children having a bigger dick, who's going to have the most ambitious personality that transfers into his genetics and passes on epigenetically to his offspring and they become more aggressive and more ambitious.

That's what nature favors. Nature favors the numbers of the whole. Nature isn't really looking at your emotions and your problems. Your emotions are basically a trick, and all of them are just set up to get you to do shit that nature wants you to do. Whether it's your emotions for your connection to your loved ones, as real as it is and as palpable as it is to you, it's really also – it's sort of a reward system that the universe has set up to make sure that you keep interacting with people, keep breeding, and keep perpetuating the civilization in its current form. Like all these emotions are all – it's all set up to make sure that you keep – the universe doesn't give a fuck about you. Right.

The universe is busy constructing a grand design that you're a part of. And that's also your big dick. Your big dick is a part of that, Tommy. Yeah. Your big dick is a part of it, but the universe is a grand design. It's part of the blueprint. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

The result of it. What is that? What is this? It's that thing that doctor found the other day. Oh, the doctor found the alien. Hmm. It looks realistic. Totally looks like a real person. I thought you were showing me something so much worse than this.

I think that's a birth defect. I don't think that's funny at all. What is this? I don't know. It's listed as... A frog person? Yeah, half human, half frog. Encephalitic baby. Yeah, that's a baby with a terrible disease, buddy. Oh, that was real. Yeah. I thought that was a frog.

No, it looks like a frog. it looks like a frog it looks like a frog but it's a sick disease isn't it funny like it was funny for a couple seconds and then it wasn't funny yeah it's like it's funny when we thought it was an animation yeah because like it's like that uh that one disease like this disease i was freaky oh what is that i forget the name of the disease it's where where it's... Oh, yeah. I don't want to watch that. Yeah, don't watch that. That's a horrible baby that looks like a lizard.

Yeah. Jesus, man. Yeah, there's a lot of bad rolls of the dice you can get for reals. Fuck. Do you ever feel bad about the midget joke you do? Talk about bad rolls of the dice. I mean I

I felt badly I haven't done that in a long time Because you know I just It got old to me Like just saying it But I mean I haven't said it in a while

But I felt bad when this This couple one time At a show got really Like the one was crying Hysterically Over it Whoa Like it was

so weird is she a big fan of little house in the prairie or she uh what's a show with a midget um oh the big people little world right that's one that's one i don't know why i said little house in the prairie because little little people was she uh the wizard of oz maybe it was that was that was it yeah maybe it was a big Was that Wizard of Oz? Wizard of Oz. Maybe that was a big one for her. She really, yeah, they got upset, man. I felt bad about that. Did she talk to you?

No. Her husband followed me offstage to the bathroom. Oh, Jesus. And he goes, really funny stuff, really funny. I was like, thanks, man. I thought it was just like a regular guy. Thanks a lot, man. And he goes, and then, you that that midget stuff you do you know those jokes and i was like oh shit i really thought someone was gonna punch me you know i was like

yeah and he goes um yeah so you know my my son is a dwarf and i was like yeah and he started talking he was i go i i get it man i. I understand. He's like, you understand? I go, I understand how what I said is offensive to you. And he said, it's not offensive to me. It's offensive to him and what he's going to become. And I was like, yeah, I get it, man. So the next show, oh, and then after that, the fucking, the guy went back to his seat. I was like, Jesus Christ. And I was like, the fucking – the guy went back to his seat. I was like, Jesus Christ.

And I was like, that sucked. And I was standing out front. And then at the end of the show – or actually, no, the show was still going on. I saw him and a woman talking to the manager. And she was hysterical, like just crying and screaming. And she didn't know that I was watching. I was watching from like 25 feet away. And the guy, she's telling the manager and I can hear her saying, he's such an asshole. He's such an asshole. And I can hear the manager

going, he's not an asshole. He's not an asshole. He's a nice guy. And I was like, I couldn't believe that he was saying that. And then he was like, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you tickets to come back. You tell me any show you want to come to, and I'll give you tickets to that. And then they were like, okay, and they were leaving. And then he stopped them, and he was like, just so you know, I can't promise you the same shit won't happen at that next show. And they were like, I guess so.

And then they left. So I felt badly that I upset a family. And I get what upset them. But I still think that the joke, for the most part, was funny. Like I thought it was a funny joke, the bit or whatever. So I kind of thought about it. And then I stopped doing it really out of boredom. Not really that I – the next show I made a joke about that couple.

I told them how the lady got upset at me and I was like, hey, lady. Would you do it? Would you do that joke? I'm not the one that filled you up with spoiled milk. Don't get mad at me. Did you say that? On stage. Oh, that's fucked up.

Yeah. But I mean it wasn't that. I'm not the one who filled you with spoiled milk oh that's so wrong but i really feel like it goes back to what we were talking about i mean and i realize it is super subjective and people can definitely tell me that that joke is not funny i respect that i'm not i'm not in the i don't take the position as i'm going to argue with you about how things are funny or something that I said. I'm just saying that when I said it, I thought it was funny. That's what I'm going out on. I thought when I said it, it was funny.

There are jokes that I've done in the past that I go, those are just – yeah, I mean some of course are easy jokes. Some are really just jokes that I get bored of saying. Right. It's not funny to me anymore. Not because I didn't think it was a funny thing at first. You get bored of it. Yeah, I get bored of saying. Right. It's not funny to me anymore. Not because I didn't think it was a funny thing at first. You get bored of it. Yeah, I get bored of it. So I stopped saying it.

Yeah, and there's – stop with this. You don't like that? No, I don't like this shit. Why – it's like when you create a bit, when you have a bit, and you do a bit that's super controversial like this, what you're essentially doing is you're establishing your parameters. Like, you know, if you're going to go see my show, you're going to get this and you might get this. Like it goes this far.

Right. And there's certain guys that you know that like you know when you go see them, they're basically not going to talk about anything controversial. They're not going to say anything mean or cruel. And so you know that guy's parameters too. Right.. If you go see Jerry Seinfeld, for instance, you're not going to get a whole lot of ass-to-mouth jokes at the Jerry Seinfeld show. He's dropped so many of his ATM material. Can you imagine if he got divorced and just started doing ecstasy and hitting the club?

Well, I realize I'm almost dead. And I'm rich. I only go ass-to-mouth. They won't go ass-to- rich. I only go ass to mouth. They won't go ass to mouth. I don't want to talk to them. Why would I talk to you when she'll go ass to mouth? You explain it to me. You say I'm stupid. Jesus.

She'll go ass to mouth and you won't. Put it in her ass? Seems like simple math. I just put it in her mouth. Why are we arguing when I can just be driving a Porsche? Yeah, I mean, you know that you go see him you're not going to get a midget joke you're not going to get some yeah but there's part of like establishing establishing yourself as a comic is you got to know like who's going to say fucked up

shit and the comedians that say fucked up shit to me even if i don't laugh at it like i'm not particularly fond of midget jokes but i love the fact that a guy is gonna do a joke about anything you're not gonna worry about pissing people off you're just gonna do fucked up what and so like you're in a certain frequency that i enjoy comedy wise like if i was just a fan if i I wasn't a comedian, I would totally go see you. I'd be psyched because of that element of danger, because of that element of fucked-up-edness. Yeah. Well, thanks, man. But isn't it – I mean it's like – don't you feel the same way? Like it's your favorite kind of comedy to watch, right? I mean it's why I think I – I mean I got into comedy because I love comedy.

And the guys – like I always say it and I guess comedy because I love comedy and the guys like I always say it and I guess it's not it's not it's not entirely fair I'm aware of that but in my mind what I say to people who as a fan who don't do things like that I just in my mind go well I'm gonna be bored yeah I'm gonna be bored I want to see somebody do something fucked up talk about fucked up shit I want to talk I want to hear jokes about drugs and sex and fucked up things because that's what makes me laugh yeah so that's what i want to see and i want to see people that work in that circle that's what interests me yeah that's all that interests me too and for the longest time uh i was told that that was the

wrong kind of comedy i was told that you shouldn't do that kind of comedy because it's cheap and easy jokes. But I was like, but God, that's what I want to hear. Yeah, it's what you like. When I knew a guy was coming into town, I remember when I first started doing stand-up, I went to see a bunch of stand-ups when I first started, my first year of comedy. I was real lucky because at that time in Boston,

there was a couple big national clubs. There wasn't a lot of national clubs back then. there was an improv in New York but there wasn't even an improv in LA yet or not an improv in LA there wasn't even an improv in Boston yet there was an improv in New York and improv in LA and the Boston one opened I think in like 89 or 90 or something along those lines. So, like, guys who, like, wanted to work in, like, and travel the country, there wasn't as many options as there is now. So we would get, like, top-level headliners in every week. Like, Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge, I don't even know if it's open anymore. I think it's under.

I think it went under, which is a goddamn shame because i went to see i saw kevin meanie there i saw that was i was in high school i just graduated high school when i saw kevin meanie there i saw rich jenny there i saw so many comics that were like big name headliners come through and i always enjoyed it when they were fucked up i remember i would go way out of my way if i knew that a guy was going to do some crazy shit. Yeah. Talk about some crazy shit. If it went nutty. And if it didn't go nutty, I understood. I understood.

But I would get a giddy joy if Doug Stanhope was doing his, Have you heard his new bit about fantasy football? Uh-uh. Phenomenal. It's so fucked up. First of all, Doug's crowd is so much different than my crowd. They're very different. They're very different.

There's a lot of crossover, but his fucking people are hammered. Really? Hammered and talking. They were so loud. We went to see him in Cincinnati. Go Bananas, right? Yeah, we did our show at the Taft, and then we came over to Go Bananas. Love that place. We had to see him in Cincinnati. We went to Go Bananas, right? Yeah, we did our show at the Taft and then we came over to Go Bananas.

We had a great fucking time. Go Bananas is awesome. And then we went next door to McLeavy's. We went next door to the bar and Stanhope and I were bartending. You bartended too for a while, didn't you? I bartended for a half hour. I was still bartending. You guys are gone. I'm like, wait, why am I doing this?

Yeah, we were handing out drinks and giving away drinks for free. I would give away like 10 drinks, and then I would just take $100 and throw it in the tip barrel. I'm like, I don't know. I go, I don't know how much this stuff costs, so I'm just giving people booze, and I'm just going to start paying for it. So I would give people – I was giving out free drinks, and then I would throw money in that bucket. I don't know if it evens out. Like we were in Australia and you bought everybody that ever walked into a bar a drink?

We went off in Australia. That was one of the few times in my life where we purposely decided to go deep. Yeah, that was pretty fun. Me and Tommy and Eddie Bravo, we were in Sydney and we went to the movies and we were super disappointed with that stupid fucking island shutter island yeah leonardo cabrillo oh the psych none of this actually happened i'm actually crazy oh we were so angry and we were angry at so many people that weren't angry that was that was more upsetting that was way more upsetting so many people like that movie yeah so we decided to go taiwan on and we went to this uh local bar and uh it just it just started yeah you know we we got some shots we made some we met some friends

made some friends some nice people that were there wanted to take a couple of pictures we took the pictures and then when somebody wanted to take a picture i'm like come on you want to drink let's drink come on we're drinking you want and i just pointed people you want to drink yeah you want to who's in who's in are Come on, we're drinking. And I just pointed at people. You want a drink? Yeah. Who's in? Who's in? Are you guys in? I was buying drinks for 20, 30 people at a time. At a time.

The waitresses were stacking trays of shots and just a giant group of people were all cheering and drinking. And by the way, I think after that experience, that's the coolest way you can ever spend your first night in a foreign country. Oh, yeah. It's like, thank you for having me in your country. Everybody gets drinks. Yeah yeah that was the most fucking fun I spent more money in that bar than I've ever spent in a bar I hope so yeah

it was thousands of dollars yeah yeah but it was so fun you were nice enough to tell people we've been buying people drinks all night now we have it he's been buying people drinks on I. I brought $50. Well, we were all together, so it's we. Yeah, no, that was fun, man. It was the way to do it. Because it was like when you're all drunk, when everybody's drunk, when you're dealing with 20, 30, I mean, how many people were there at the end? Hundreds.

We had a lot of people. Hundreds. Yeah, there's hundreds of people, dude. And we're high-fiving people. But we made sure that everyone was fucked up. Yeah. So we were all on the same boat together. Of course. And it was very friendly.

Everybody was happy and everybody was friendly. So fun. And people were all like, huggy, high-five, take a picture. They were all friendly. The waiters were happy. The bartenders were happy. They were all laughing. It's like the fact that you can make a moment like that happen.

But God damn, did I pay for it the next day. You get a business manager call? Hey, hey, hey, what happened? No, my head. No, the money was well spent. But my dome was fucking pounding. That's a lot. That's a shit thing to do, too, because the next day, like I had to really fire up to do the show.

I was like noticeably slower. Yeah. And I think I was probably even noticeably like slow the next day when the UFC was on. Really? It's like, yeah, probably, man. I got drunk. I mean, that was pretty goddamn drunk. You can't get that drunk and bounce right back.

We were also that drunk coming off of that flight. 16 hours or whatever it is. Yeah. And then, but then we didn't, like our bodies already went past like when we should have gone to bed which probably i don't know what like in the early evening or something right we rode that out into late night there yeah so we did like a full you know day and change over they say you should do that though to avoid like to reset your clock yeah they say just have one day where you just stay up stay up just stay up so up. So that way when 10 p.m. the right time rolls around, you're going to be so fucking tired if you could just power through.

But if you take a nap, you could fuck the whole thing up. Yeah. Well, I've had that where you wake up and you're like, where the fuck am I? Like really scared for a moment like that you don't know where you are. Yeah. Yeah, I had that happen before. The worst is when you're in England and you can't go to bed until like 6 a.m. Because it's eight hours ahead or something, right?

For us, yeah, it's probably like in that seven, eight. Australia is like a whole day. That's a whole day, yeah. Which is even nuttier. Yeah. You know, that's a bizarre trip. I did South Africa and that was like a half, I think it's like a 12-hour difference. It's pretty great.

Like it throws you over. Yeah. How many hours is that flight? It was from Atlanta. They do a direct 15 and change to Johannesburg. South Africa. Yeah. Jeez.

Direct from Atlanta. Yeah. How long were you there for? Two, almost three weeks. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. It was great. Was it? Enjoy it? Oh, my God. Yeah. Fantastic. Really? Loved it. Yeah. It was great. Was it?

Oh, my God. Yeah, fantastic. Really? Loved it. What was so great about it? Everything. I mean, people were so goddamn nice and friendly and appreciative. The shows were all fantastic.

We got treated great. It was a blast then. So did you have any prejudices about going to Africa? Not really. So did you have any prejudices about going to Africa? Not really. I mean I knew that like once it was booked, the only thing that I – you have to think about is disease stuff. So you have to get certain shots. But like I thought it was going to be fun. I had heard good things about doing like stand-up in South Africa for a while now. So I was totally excited. I'm all about about anywhere i get an offer abroad i think that's

to me it's not um i get excited about it really why do you get excited i just think it's fun man i mean like my it's my job and then somebody would want to see me do this like thousands of i like checking out places so it's fun to go to australia it's fun to go to south africa england like that's all entertaining to me it's fun I just remembered your opening joke when we were in Australia. Oh, shit. Do you remember it? Yeah. No, what was it?

About being on the plane for so long that you think you're dreaming. Oh, yeah. Am I dead? Like, what? Oh, right. Yeah. Do you remember the bit? Yeah.

I mean, you think, am I dead? And you get off. And you said, well, I must be in heaven because there's no black people. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was for – It was so fucked up. That was Sydney.

That was your opening joke at Sydney. Yeah. But they ate it up. Oh, they – well, it was a joke. It was a joke. It was a joke. It's like what you said at the very beginning. And everybody knew it.

Nobody was like, that's fucked up, man. Yeah. Yeah, of course. It was a joke. It was funny. It was funny. It was funny. And they have a totally different feeling for black people than we do as well because that's not like their cultural underclass. Their cultural underclass is not like former slaves.

It's aborigines. Right. It's like a totally different sort of a holocaust that happened over there. So, I mean, the slavery is like this whole dark period of American history, this shameful period. There it's shameful, but it's shameful towards the Aborigine people. It's a totally different sort of underclass. I made a joke there that they didn't think was so funny

about that when I went back and went up to Melbourne. But it was a joke, man. But Melbourne would be more sensitive. They were more sensitive. But really who was joke, man. Right, but Melbourne would be more sensitive. They were more sensitive, but really who was most sensitive wasn't really the room. It was the press, like the guy writing the review. It's not like the room lost it.

It's that it made its way into an article about how offensive and racist and stuff it was. Of course. Well, most people that are going to write articles about something get excited to be upset about something. Oh, it's so fun. Yeah.

Because even if we're talking right now and you're like, write about how fucking much you hate American Airlines. I'd be like, all right, here goes a blog. Oh, yeah. And I could tell you this story and I just write. Yeah, of course. Like it's fun to write that. Did you read that one – there was a review of a Guy Fieri, whatever the fuck his name is, restaurant in Manhattan. Yes.

It was so scathing. Yes. It went public where people were like, what the fuck? It was such a brutal review. Right. I wonder how accurate it was. Well, I imagine it's somewhat accurate. Must be.

But some of the hatred for that restaurant comes from that guy's feeling about Guy and not the restaurant. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you took Guy out of the equation and you just sent him there, it would not be as vicious. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's also the hype that comes with that. I mean, if you want to be a celebrity chef, you better knock my dick in the dirt when I come to your fucking place.

Right. And to go there and to get some you know whack ass apple bees a bacon apple burger yeah and you're like all right the the whole celebrity chef thing it's a very odd thing isn't it like all of a sudden yeah we had julia child and that was it yeah for the longest time who else do we have who else is celebrity chef was there a man celebrity chef ever the french guy the french guy the galloping gourmet remember that guy no is that i remember the guy who's been on tv for years now the french guy what kind of older uh older french chef i forget his name i don't know but he's been on tv well whatever i mean it's everyone it's it's a fascinating thing because it's like all you had was like a couple of examples.

Yeah. And then Wolfgang Puck got famous. That's right. He's been big for a while now. Yeah. I feel like he's the one that made it. Emeril got famous for a little bit. And people were like, will you shut the fuck up with that bam?

Yeah. Stop that. Because he was like, bam, bam. He knew that like. He needed a tagline. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but he just shoved it right down our throat. That's right.

And then we got Bourdain, which is awesome. Well, Bourdain is the first, I think, example of what a kitchen is really staffed with. Right. You know, wild punk rocker type dudes with Mexicans working side by side with them. And he's honest about the experience. Oh, yeah. So that's what's awesome. Yeah, and he has a genuine passion for for cooking yeah it was uh i never worked in a kitchen other than like in high school i did like work for papagino's yeah in the kitchen

worked at newport creamery like making burgers and stuff like that but i've never worked in like a real restaurant but he had an episode once where they showed him actually working in a restaurant like keeping up with all these orders as they came in and timing all this food and and how hard it is yeah how much of a fucking stressful like high-stress fast-paced gig it is like wow yeah he really opens up your eyes to how difficult and how much artistic like flair is involved in the culinary arts you know fantastic yeah we have um the one there's a guy who's getting more famous now who's uh in that front is the uh chef ludo you don't talk about no ludo you just make this guy no i swear to god he's uh ready for you you fuck he's uh he's a He's a French guy. He was doing pop-up restaurants here in L.A.

What's a pop-up restaurant? Where they go, like they find a space of an already existing restaurant, and they go from like March 5th to May 1st, my restaurant is going to, I'm going to operate here during these hours and these times. Like it's typically a place that does breakfast and lunch, let's say. We're going to do dinner from now on. And except he was this amazing chef. So it would pop up.

It would fill out. Every night would be booked out. Wow. And then he would shut shop and then like go away for a while and do whatever he does. And then be like, hey, July, I'm coming to Venice. I'm going to take place over – I'm going to take over that one restaurant. How did you let people know? Well, it's the word of mouth really spread.

Like my cousin is the one that let me know about it and we went there and we ordered one of everything on the menu. Like that's how – because it's not like – it wasn't like full portion size. It was like tasting style and And it was just incredible. And it's the kind of place you walk away and then you start telling people. Like it really spreads like wildfire. And then now he was on a food show last year. He's a judge on that show that Bourdain is hosting.

Yeah, yeah. What is that? I forget. He's hosting a new show. It's a judging thing. I think it's a food tasting thing. Yeah. And Ludo is one? I forget. He's hosting a new show. It's a judging thing. I think it's a food tasting thing. Yeah. And Ludo's one of the guest judges on that.

And that dude has a fried chicken truck in L.A. that is unreal. You've got to go to his food truck. How do you find the food truck? It's on Twitter. It's online. Will you look for Chef Ludo's fried chicken truck? And you can find out where it is from twitter yeah because you follow them and they're like we're parked at you know whatever

hollywood boulevard and and it's that good yes definitely is it always a line um when i went i tracked down one time and it was no it wasn't too crazy it was actually they were actually wrapping up for the ludo truck yeah This ain't your mama's fried chicken. Dude, it's crazy good. I'm not kidding you. It's that good? Yes. What could be so good about it?

There's just something about the richness of the flavor of the chicken, the breading, the fried part itself just has a flavor to it. It's phenomenal. And so are the other things they have there. I feel like Ludo Truck, you should send me some shit now. I just really love you. Yeah, you should. What the fuck, Ludo Truck?

Ludo Truck. I don't know how they're going to fuck with... Hook me up. I mean, it seems like it's a good idea and everything like that, but do they have waffles? It's not his main thing. Do they have waffles? Oh, I don't know. I don't remember.

Because how are you going to fuck with Roscoe's? He's going to be on Melrose tonight. How are you going to fuck with Roscoe's if you don't have waffles? You're not going to fuck with Roscoe. I just started following him. Okay. Roscoe's. Shit.

Roscoe's are the shit, dude. Yeah, Roscoe's. I love Roscoe's. Roscoe's chicken and waffles are so hard to fuck with. It's so good. So good. And you get those collard greens with it, too, so you give yourself an illusion of vitamins. That's right.

And throw hot sauce all over the chicken and extra butter, extra syrup. I'm so hungry. Because you know you're going deep. You know you're going deep. You guys want to eat? Want to get some food after this? All right. You know you're going deep.

Waffles. And they're American waffles, not those fucking big gay Belgian motherfuckers, those big fluffy cloud waffles. That's not a waffle. That's a pastry. That's a loaf of bread, you fuck. A real waffle. Those little skinny, tight ones that you get at a waffle house. That's a real waffle.

You do a lot of syrup? Fuck yeah. I like to drown that shit. A lot of butter and a lot of syrup because I'm not trying to be healthy. Eat waffles, asshole. Exactly. I'll punish myself later at the gym trust me i i'm disciplined but right now i'm gonna eat the fuck out of this waffle and i'm gonna have a regular coke fuck a diet coke because why play

games sugar sugar i'm not playing games i'm gonna pretend i'm gonna have a diet coke no i'm gonna have a regular coke and a cup of coffee the cup of coffee is to allow me to stay conscious long enough to walk to the car. You got me super excited about this shit right now. Fuck yeah! There should be a Roscoe's chicken and waffles in every country. It's one of those experiences you don't forget because somebody pitches it to you and you're like, what?

If you've never had it, what's that all about? Chicken's very, very, very good too. It's delicious fried chicken. And it's very home-style fried chicken. It tastes like somebody made it in their house. Whereas sometimes you get a Kentucky Fried Chicken, it's so uniform. And it has a certain amount of sodium taste to it. That it's like, this is a mix.

You eat Roscoe's, it feels like somebody actually cracked some eggs. Actually dipped the chicken in it. Actually rolled it in flour. And deep fried the fuck out of that shit, son. What's up, Roscoe's on Pico? I see you. Oh, shit, son.

I see you, Pico. Holler out to Roscoe's on Gowa. Yeah, that's a beautiful combination. It's fantastic. It didn't seem like it would work, you know? Yeah. If you looked at it on paper, you'd be like, how's this going to work? Fucking chicken and wobble.

Why would I want to have those two together? I know. One or the other, you fuck be like, how's this going to work? Fucking chicken and waffle. Why would I want to have those two together? One or the other, you fuck. No, it's perfect. Oh, boy. You're excited now. I want to go get chicken and waffles. Excited. So before we wrap up, I've got to talk to my little buddy, Brian.

Sure. And say, what did you think about our guest with the crazy UFO talk, fella? I got a big view. Oh. While being nice. while being nice while being nice I mean he said he could talk to aliens right he did say that right at one point you said oh when he was younger he found a way to communicate he meditated and right conscious thought and meditation was able to have something that he

was describing that sounded to me very much like a drug experience like a psychedelic drug or a meditation experience some sort of a breakthrough sort of uh yeah i mean he seemed like a nice guy and he seemed intelligent but my my bullshit meter just was out of control and and when that happens i did there were so many things i wanted to like talk to him about but i also didn't want to like be confrontational yeah or confrontational i i don't know man i don't i don't buy any of it well i respect the guy for coming on and and talking and i don't you know i don't know whether or not he's right or telling the truth. And I don't feel it's ever true. I mean I have in the past.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a hypocrite. I'm just a person who's evolved or tried to evolve my conversational skills. And one of the things that I try not to do is ever call bullshit if I'm not 100% sure. I can believe. I can be like, I am positive this guy is full of shit. But if I don't have any proof, how can I call bullshit? I can call bullshit on some of the things he says if they don't make any sense.

If some of the things he says don't line up with facts, you can call bullshit on that. But I don't really know whether or not he can actually do that until I go and see it. So I plan on going and seeing it. I mean we're going to do it for that show, for Question Everything. We're going we're gonna go we're gonna go out to the fucking desert with him eddie bravo's gonna come too i just think it'll be perfect because eddie loves him some ufos and then and then and then there was like the thing where he he sits in his in the desert and he shines lasers in the sky and you know he says that it's a hundred percent yeah and then you go to his youtube page to see what he's talking about is 100 percent.

And it's like, one, why is he shining lasers at airplanes or up in the sky? That's like against the law. But two, it's like his evidence is like, oh, you just see that flashing dot in the middle of the sky out of nowhere? That's his alien communication. And that could be a million things. You see a little flashing dot. It could be a shooting star. could be you know just anything oh it gets way wackier than that yeah it gets way wackier than that there's actually

video that I watched after the interview that I really wish I had watched before you know you know I watched so much of that stuff but where he said that he was he was leading a crew and that they were inside of a craft at one point in time. It was an interdimensional craft. They're standing in the middle of the field and they sense that he was like, and some people said they saw me disappear for a moment as I crossed into this area. And we could see it in front of you. It was sort of like a fog.

Well, you know what we know is real? Fog? F fog's fucking real okay so if you see fog you should assume that shit is fog and not a fucking spaceship okay and then and what was that thing at the end also like i might have got this wrong but it sounded like you said you can buy the movie and then once you buy, you can put it for sale on your website. And then, you know, it almost sounded like he was saying it's a pyramid scheme. Well, it's not a pyramid scheme. It's a promotional scheme. A pyramid scheme, there's really nothing of value.

The way a pyramid scheme works is you get money when you get other people to put in money. So say if you're the guy who starts a scheme, and you have three people that are in the scheme with you and you say, listen, if you get a dude to give $100 for every $100, you get $25. That's what I think he's saying. No, no, no. That's not a pyramid scheme. You don't understand it. A pyramid scheme is at the end, you find there's nothing of value. A pyramid scheme is at the end, you find there's nothing of value.

And at the end, what it is is it depends on more people donating money than there's people extracting money. And as soon as the people want their money, you're fucked because there's no money. That's what happened with that. It's called a Ponzi scheme. That's what happened with Bernie Madoff. Yeah, that's what it was. There was no actual value to anything. What he's doing is he's offering you – he has this video, okay? And if you put a link on your site and he's selling the video for five bucks.

He's selling a product. And if he's selling this video for five bucks, if you put a link on your site and the clicks go through your site, it registers. And so you get a piece, whatever that piece is. It's negotiated, whether it's ten cents a video or a dollar a video, whatever the fuck it is. I don't know And so you get a piece. Whatever that piece is, it's negotiated. Whether it's 10 cents a video or a dollar a video, whatever the fuck it is. I don't know how much you get. But whatever you get, he's saying that he wanted to do that to spread the

wealth and encourage people to promote the video because it'll be financially profitable for them as well. Which is actually admirable. That's a cool way to do things. If you decided to put a link on your site and you made $1,000 in a month off of his video, that's your money, man, and you helped him.

You helped him, you got the video out, which is what he wanted, and you got some money. So nothing wrong with that. It's not a pyramid scheme. A real pyramid scheme is a lie because there's nothing of value. But this is a movie. I know what you're saying.

This is an actual product. What is movie it's called serious it's his his whole thing is it's very sketch okay and it's uh I look I should say first of all that I don't disbelieve in aliens I don't disbelieve in the idea that we've been contacted before. But I have never seen anything that was compelling to me as far as visual evidence, as far as eyewitness testimony. I've never seen anything compelling that made me 100% sure that that person had seen something from another planet or that this video was something from another planet. I've seen some wild shit, but I don't know exactly what it is. And I'm not privy to all of the various pieces of information that go into whatever the fuck happened.

We see a thing that's flying across the sky. Who knows what that is? One of the things I asked him, he said, we have a photo of a being. It looks like an ethereal being. I go, how do you know that's not a video artifact? Oh, it's not an artifact. Well, how the fuck could you possibly know? There's a lot of artifacts.

Yeah, that hologram thing he was talking about. I was like, are you kidding me? You're actually saying that's like a hologram, dude? He's saying it's an intradimensional being. Look, there's a lot of confirmation bias. Yeah. And the reality of the UFO community, and this is, again, this is not saying everyone and this is not saying that UFOs are fake,

but the reality of the UFO community is that it's filled with kooks. Just like the psychic community, just like the Bigfoot community, just like the psychic community just like the bigfoot community just like the ghost community it doesn't mean the ghosts aren't real it doesn't mean big foot's not real but it means a lot of those people are drawn to kooky shit and another thing isn't like dna nowadays fast enough where you take a little piece of that little alien dude and you could just be like oh yeah it's a baby well not only that did you know that that alien dude they found that fucking thing in like 2002 yeah they found that thing a long-ass time ago yeah we're at Michael's craft shop where they find this thing they found it in

the dirt yeah he didn't want to tell us yeah he found it in a desert city but he said afterwards we're never supposed to repeat so be careful oh yeah he told us where it's being studied shit but the bottom line is he set himself up okay so here's here's either they do the genetic work and it really is being done at this high-level Ivy League school and we find out about it and we get like peer reviewed papers that are talking about whatever the fuck this thing is, whether it's a dist, like some sort of a fetus that's got birth defects and makes it look like that. I mean, who knows what the hell it is or completely artificial or you know, whatever. Well, you know, if they actually run a test,

but to say that you did a test and to say you got results coming you set yourself up because it's one or the other now it's either bullshit or it's something yeah and if it's a rubber doll i'm gonna be upset at you of course yeah i mean i think that's a test that it's like a week a week dna test i don't know i think it takes that long like if there's a fire in a car the police can go okay we found human remains because we checked its DNA as human DNA. Isn't that something fast? It seems like it is. I do not know.

I don't know. And how does he know how to use a camera yet? Well, let's Google. Yeah. Yeah, that's the whole thing. Is this a guess you had on? Yeah. It's like the Bigfoot thing.

He's the biggest UFO guy. You've seen 30 Bigfoots that don't have a GoCam yet? Well, he only saw two. Bobo only saw two. Dr. Greer. Hold on. Dr. Greer. Alien.

Autopsy. All those are fucking bullshit, though. The autopsy films? Yeah, that's what he's doing. Dr. Greer. Alien body. I just don't like it if he is lying. He's doing it. Dr. Greer, alien body. I just don't like it if he is lying. If he's a bullshit artist, I'm upset.

If he's bullshitting artists, I am going to send shit to his house. Okay, I'll just say this. At least a small percentage of what he was saying smelled like bullshit. The anecdotal stories, the way they were coming out, somebody described them like like bad scenes in a movie then he said this and i said that sometimes people just sort of paraphrase though and that could be responsible you're telling a story over and over and over again after the course of so many years sometimes people sort of paraphrase what actually was said and they put it into almost like a script form and that could have been what that guy was doing because it did sound like fiction yeah Yeah, it also sounded like,

I noticed that whenever you would ask him a question that kind of threw him off or whatever, he would go into this weird voice where he just suddenly goes, yeah, so what do you mean? Like it got really quiet and calm. When you calmed directly out? Yeah.

Hmm. Like his voice changed into this really weird volume. It just goes really low. Look at this. They think they have an alien body. Look at that thing. What do you think that is? I think that's a very old human body. It's six inches long.

They have a ruler next to it and everything. But couldn't that be from... It could be fake as fuck. Of course. It could be a child or it could be so old that it's like when the... Well, he doesn't know. I mean, he said, I mean mean in his defense, he said he doesn't know what it is and he said they're doing tests on it. Yeah, but if he found it that long ago, are you serious? I don't know when he got a hold of it though. He told us. I don't remember. It was a long conversation. We talked to the guy for three hours.

It's going to be, hey, guys. Yeah, we ran tests. It was a guy who 12,000 years ago. This is in January of 2013 and it says that the studies will take around two months, possibly longer. So they just started the testing in January. So that's why they haven't gotten it. He's doing these testing, McAfee. McAfee. What happened to McAfee? McAfee's balling.

He's in Texas trying to sell his house in Belize. Do, do, do, do, do,do-do-do-do-do. Yeah, he's got his 20-year-old third-world hottie with him. He's getting his freak on. Good for him. Yeah. I don't know, man. If he really did find

an alien, like, holy shit. Can you imagine? That would be really fascinating and ironic if there was a guy who was a charlatan who was a total ufo hoaxer but someone gave him a real alien you know and i'm not saying that greer is a charlatan i don't think he is i think um first of all he's dealing with a really nutty group of humans yeah the ufo community and i think if that's your your base and that you're communicating with them only for decade after decade and most of this was sort of instigated on your part before the internet. So he was involved in like the UFO community before people were even online a lot, before

Twitter, before even MySpace. Like he was online and he was known through you know the world from these youtube clips and shit like that yeah he was already before that he had been long before the disclosure project he had put that together for years so he had always been involved with all these nutty people yeah and when you're involved with nutty people especially the nutty ufo people before the internet like you got a lot of adjusting to do once the Thor hammer of reality comes down. And sometimes guys adjust really poorly, so they still have a lot of bullshit in their game.

They might have a few things that are real that they're investigating that are beyond understanding. It's very possible. But there also might be some fuckery mixed in there, too. Real fuckery. Yeah, real fuckery. And you've got to be real careful. One of the things is he's somehow or another he's drawing an income from all this.

He wasn't really that open about it. But I know that he takes people out into the desert and gives them alien encounters and shit. And he charges money for that. Of course. Yeah, and it's like several days. And you take a bunch of people out there and make some cash. Sweet. You saw some shit in the sky, son.

It almost makes me say that you shouldn't even bother dealing with this one. Wow. Because it's all so obvious. No, no, no, no, no. It's both. It's fascinating. He's certainly marketing himself. And he certainly brought up his site a lot.

But it's also, here's the question what would you do if you knew that there really was some sort of encounter with humans and aliens if you knew that there had been a series of events that had been swept under the rug and covered up and you start making a living doing something different but this fascination with ufos gets in the way then all of a sudden you have to quit your job and then as you're quitting your job for something that you absolutely believe in but is totally ridiculed by everyone around you then what if you have to figure out how to make a living off of this thing yeah you so maybe it's that maybe the guy's legit and maybe but it's this this trying to profit off of this thing. So maybe it's that. Maybe the guy's legit, but it's this trying to profit off of it which gets people to go,

hey, what's your motive? Hey, how come I got to pay you to go to the desert? Hey, what did you do with all the money that you got from this donated movie? Hey, how much did you claim on your taxes? Where did you get that money? Where's it coming from? You're writing books. You're selling the books.

You're doing lectures. You're doing this. You're taking people out into the books. You're doing lectures. You're doing this. You're taking people out into the desert. You're profiting. This is obviously how you make your living now. Not that there's anything wrong with that if he's legit, if he's sincere.

But when you have those elements, people automatically get skeptical. And then there's the part of like extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. And when you're claiming crazy shit, you should have photos and video ready to go at the drop of a hat. And when I was questioning him about where can I see these photos, like if you have photos, you shouldn't, first of all, if you have something that's really important for people to see, and you are a researcher, and your whole gig is about trying to get the truth out,

you would put that shit online the moment you got it. You would make sure it goes viral. If you're holding it back and only putting it in your documentary, I got to go. All right. Yeah. OK. I mean I see you're trying to make some money, but what you're doing is contrary to the path that you need to follow to be taken serious. Especially a scientific path because somebody that wants to tell you the truth about a huge – something that would have that type of impact on the world and the way it operates.

You don't go as somebody that's pursued this for my whole life. I have the answer. I want you to give me five bucks first before I tell you about it. But it also could be – I mean, again, I have to be fair. It also could be that he doesn't understand how he's coming off. It also could be that he really truly has had these experiences, but now he's in a scramble to try to figure out how to make some money off of it. There's a fascinating website that details Hillary Clinton's meetings with the Rockefeller family. It's really crazy.

And in one of the photos, Hillary Clinton is walking, and she's got this book with her. And people tried to figure out what book it was. They did a close-up of the image. And it's a book on extraterrestrial encounters. It's about are we alone in the universe? And the book is all about what we would do if we got contacted by an alien race. And she's walking with Rockefeller who had given her that book. Really?

Yeah. So she's walking along in his ranch in Wyoming. He's worth about a fucking billion, trillion dollars. He's at the top of the financial food chain. And he's exactly the person that this guy, Dr. Stephen Greer, was telling us would have access to this kind of information and would want to figure out what we do. What do we do about the banking system? What do we do about the military? What do we do when and if aliens do come?

And so he's walking around meeting a woman who ran for president, was the wife of the president, the secretary of state, and then wandering around his fucking ranch. She's got an alien book in her hand that he gave her. Is that photo, the original photo, is it published anywhere respectable? Because that seems like an easily photo. You're very good question. So let's search for the hoax. Hillary Clinton. Another thing you could do is take the Hillary Clinton photo

and save it to your desktop and then Google image search it and find the similar images and see if they all have that. Because somebody has made that a Twilight book cover for sure. Okay, let's see if it's Hillary Clinton, Rockefeller, Alien book. Shades of Grey. Fifty Shades of Grey. Shades of Grey. Fifty Shades of Grey.

Well, there's also some documents about Rockefeller wanting to talk President Clinton into – these were released by the Freedom of Information Act. That Rockefeller was trying to talk President Clinton into releasing information about aliens. Oh, really? Yeah, and that Rockefeller was requesting information and they wouldn't give it to him, and he had a meeting with Clinton. Yeah, this is pretty trippy, man. The book, Lawrence Rockefeller apparently was fascinated with UFOs. He was, the dude was, he was obsessed. Yeah, maybe he's just like, you know, just like you.

Maybe just a little guy that likes aliens and conspiracies yeah could be just that's it that's how simple it is you know except he could actually call the government and ask for cash or ask to uh to give them cash for things i mean he like established funds and shit he along with his niece ann bartley the stepdaughter of winthrop rockefeller and the then president of the Rockefeller Family Fund, he established the UFO Disclosure Initiative to the Clinton White House. They asked for all UFO information held by the government, including from the CIA and the U.S. Air Force, to be declassified and released to the public. The first and most important test case where declassification had to apply, according to Rockefeller, was the Roswell UFO incident. This is fascinating.

Like, why didn't Greer talk about this? Why doesn't he know about this? Because these are all government freedom of information documents. It seems like something you would be into if you were dedicated to the cause. Yeah, it was in 1995 the Clintons went to talk to the Rockefellers. It was when Hillary was married to Bill and Bill was the president.

Yeah. And the motherfucker gave her a book on aliens. Come walk with me. Let's talk. I want to talk to you about something for real. We'll talk to you

about some real shit and tell your daddy. Go home and tell daddy. I want to know. I want to know. I want to know what's up Every day I get to sit at my daddy's desk Yeah

Creepy old fuck knows So fucking creepy And Bill Clinton apparently couldn't According to Rockefeller Or according to The people who talked about this Bill Clinton couldn't get any information out of them. They didn't want to tell them. They shut them down.

That's one of the things that Greer was saying. Greer was saying that these presidents, like people that want to get access to information, that it's not like you become president, okay, come on, we're going to tell you what's up. No, you don't need to know that. You just need to be the president. Go do your shit.

But I'm like, well, who does know? the real that's the real weird part yeah if he is right that is how i think it would go down if he's telling the truth i really do think that the people same people that can keep something as crazy as the federal bank in place when it's not really a branch of the federal government at all but they call it the federal bank the same people that can keep the military industrial complex moving in the same rate that's moving now those would be the people that would know about the ufos i mean there must be if you if you believe that corporations control the earth which it's kind of obvious at this yeah corporations run everything so there's got to be people at the head of these corporations and who are there there's people like these old dudes with this fucking ufo book yeah so he might be right

he could be right he could be right what do you think brian's right no how dare you just throw that out there like that no i actually don't know i want to believe him but you know there's just too much fishy in my mouth this is definitely a potential for fuckery there's a lot of fucker it's that little creature thing that drives me the most crazy yeah i mean it's it's just well to me it's just like all right wait so we're gonna find out the day that the movie releases is that set up that way i think he said it was gonna come it was the information to come come out that week you gotta come with me though man gotta come it's gonna be fun we should going to be fun. We should film it. What are you going to go to?

Film it. We're going to go to his premiere. He's got his premiere of his movie. You can't go now. I'm going to have to wear a wig or something. You can go. You didn't say anything wrong. You said what you believe. You didn't do anything wrong.

Prove me wrong. Look, the internet is probably predominantly on your side. The internet is probably... If I had to guess, I know my message board, and this is no disrespect to Dr. Greer, but my message board, 90 percent of them thought he was full of shit. Yeah. Ninety. And I'm not bullshitting.

When I looked at the thread, it was pretty overwhelming that most people were calling fuckery. Yeah. But that's again, when you make an extraordinary claim, you have to provide extraordinary evidence. And if you don't have that extraordinary evidence, it becomes very difficult to convince people. So if you really did have these experiences and you really do know all this information, that's all well and good. But you can't go around telling people unless you have something you can show them. You need the hard evidence. They don't want to hear it.

It can't be you have to open this door and take this ride. You got to be able to just show people hard evidence. I guess you you do what do you do though if an alien really does abduct you really does take you away if you really do know what the do you do no i know if there is no evidence that you can get but i'm saying if your best evidence is watch my film then it leads people to embrace not believing you yeah because i agree you know you're just and and right now it looks like that d DNA test to find out like a simple basic DNA test to see if it's something's human or whatnot it takes less than 24 hours less than 24 hours to find out something's human yeah

meaning like if I if I threw a piece of bologna at you and you're like oh my god that's a human you can take it to the DNA lab no no it's baloney hmm but okay so would they be able to distinguish between an animal and I'm like a monkey baby or monkey fetus and a human feet would they be able to do that yeah it's it's pretty much just the human markup you know that what's diet our human DNA is what's the smallest monkey what's this there's a really it's a really tiny monkey, right? There's a tiny... Spider monkey?

No, they're way bigger. There's some really small primates. Maybe it was like a dried out, really small primate. Of course it could be. It doesn't necessarily have to be even a human. Sure. Finger monkey. I wonder how long it would take to find out whether or not someone was a monkey or a person.

It was six inches? Wow, look how small that is. It's a baby. Yeah, that's pretty small. monkey. It was six inches? Wow, look how small that is. He's a baby. That's pretty small. Yeah, and if that was all like, all its hair fell off and somebody ate

its tail. That's what it looked like that came out of my belly button. That probably lives in your asshole. You probably don't even know about it. It lives in there. It's like a mouse in the house. The happiest little monkey, too. He's got a little fucking setup in there. He's got a barrier he sets up in there. In Brian's asshole.

He's got a barrier he sets up whenever Brian's taking a shit. Goes past it. He blocks off an area that he's got cordoned off

in Brian's ass for his house. He helps push the shit out. Do you have a hard time shitting Brian? No. It's almost like

someone's pushing it because someone is. You got a fucking little monkey inside your ass. A little monkey in your asshole, man. With a shovel. And he's pumping shit out of your ass. Don't act like you wouldn't enjoy it.

Stop shaking your head. I don't want this monkey in my ass. Too late. All right, let's go get some neat. This fucking show's over. Tommy Segura, how can people get your CD? Oh, you can go to tomsegura.com and click on the store, or you can go to iTunes. Powerful iTunes.

Powerful iTunes. And my site also has a link to, if you don't use iTunes because people always want an option that's not iTunes. Right. There's a link. You can download it from CD Baby on a link on my site. Nice. And Christina and I are going to do a live Your Mom's House comedy tour.

So we're going to Seattle May 18th. And then I think we're going to do Portland the next day. But the Seattle link is up. I just tweeted it. Are you doing both comedy and also doing... No, just live stand-up. Just live stand-up. Or live podcast.

Excuse me. Just stand-up. No podcast. No podcast. Oh, okay. But I'm saying it's the two of us. We don't ever get together. Right, right, right. So it's the two of us. Oh, that's awesome. It's going to be fun. Yeah, that should. Just stand up. No podcast. But I'm saying it's the two of us. We don't ever get together. Right, right, right.

So it's the two of us. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, that should be a good time. We've never done that before. Really? I would have thought you guys would have done that a long time ago. Because of the popularity of your podcast, you allowed to put together shit like this now? Yeah, it's all from the podcast.

You've just done the 100th episode, I heard. And I heard you had an awesome guest. Red Band did our 100th episode, man. And we talked about how you are the one that uh got us started with it so that was pretty cool i'm so happy i'm so happy you did and so have you been experiencing uh a lot more people coming out to like fans of the show definitely definitely and they're the best fans they're the most amazing people at the shows so yeah i got i got a bunch of um it's been great and our goal is to get to the point where we can do what we're doing in seattle and um in a bunch of – it's been great and our goal is to get to the point where we can do what we're doing in Seattle and in a bunch of different places.

And still play like the good clubs that we love playing but try to take a little more control of where we're doing it and what we're doing. Yeah, I mean you should be able to book shit now because your podcast has been going on for a couple of years now. How many years? We're over two. So we're going into our third year. That's strong. It's amazing how if you just stick with something, all of a sudden, boom, there's two years gone. With us, it's three. It's crazy.

We're three years in now. I remember doing – I was telling somebody, I'm on one of your first 15 sitting on a couch. And I just remember we'd lean up. You're like, sit closer to the mic, man. Yeah, with a laptop. And I'd sit back, and then you're like, sit closer to the mic. And I kept scooching back. But yeah, and then now you have a whole goddamn studio.

Yeah, we resisted for a long time. But you really embraced it now. Now, yeah. Well, now it's more important than anything else I do. I know. Now it's more important than, I mean, it's really, I hate to say it, it's more important than anything else I do I know now it's more important than I mean it's really I hate to say it's more important than the UFC as far as like for my stand-up gigs yeah way more important like this this weekend one of the things

that's trippy's our buddy Tony's era from the message board came down this weekend and it was interesting hearing him talk about the difference in the shows like he used to come see me at uh the punch line when i was there you know the punch line in columbus what is it funny bone columbus funny bone funny bone columbus great club it's a little tiny place but this time we're at the palace theater and there's fucking 2400 people there yeah it was crazy huge yeah and it's this beautiful place and it's packed and he was like the nutty thing was like people were so nice and friendly and between all the jokes everybody was like real quiet respectful he goes it was nuts he goes it was fucking nuts everyone's got

death squad t-shirts on or higher primate t-shirts it's like this crazy pretty positive fun environment and all of that's attributed to the podcast it's all attributable to people that you know know, they've seen the podcast. They've seen the stand-up. It's changed everything, man. It changes the world. It's for Diaz. It changed the world for Diaz.

Diaz is constantly rattling off. If you haven't seen Diaz's podcast, it's the church of what's happening now. You can get it on iTunes. If you go to Mad Flavor on Twitter, you can find out when he's doing them live. I did his a couple weeks ago. go to mad flavor on twitter you can find out when he's doing them live i did his i have weeks ago and he told me a story about when he went to football camp as a kid and it was jack lambert's football camp you remember jack lambert no he's a very famous pittsburgh stealer linebacker like had his teeth missing because he was such a fucking you know animal yeah and he walked into

the bathroom and jack lambert was taking a shit in one of those old school locker rooms where they don't have doors on the stalls and that he was shaving in the shit water and I almost fucking had a heart attack that's old school if you want to laugh your dick off

go to Joey's Church of What's Happening Now where I'm a guest on and he tells that story and it's piss your pants I'm gonna get that and listen to it on the way home

it's so fucking funny I got that iPod the iPod app the iPhone podcast app have you ever used that oh yeah it is amazing

it's awesome I was bored with the shit that I had on my iPod why I don't know like it has horrible reviews I think it's great i think there's no problem i mean i use stitcher but people hate everything they hate themselves

90 of the hate you're getting out of all these people online is they hate themselves i went to a restaurant the other day they got three stars and i read the reviews like so many people were just shitting on it it was amazing yeah because i had heard it was amazing people like oh this new italian restaurant opened it's so good it's not cheap i mean it's it's pricey but the dishes were fantastic in la it's out in um like west hills okay but it was uh like five star restaurant it was like in my eyes i was like wow this place is amazing it's really good the pasta was fresh pasta you know it's like the way they i mean it was legit yeah but then i read the reviews it's like people are just

people get upset about restaurants when they they didn't get the seat when they thought they were going to get it though yeah and then one star absolutely this is a and there was a cut hostess and you're like all right our waiter spilled water one star you yeah yeah but in the podcast app um like the other day i was in my car and i said you know what i'd like to listen to dan carlin's hardcore history so i'm at a fucking red light okay and i go man let's see what paying real quick at a red light in the time that it took for the light to create i go hardcore history doom it opens up mongols thing play bang play play It's playing and it's playing on my fucking car through Bluetooth just like that instantly streaming It's amazing perfect not a glitch in it and for the next hour home. I listened to the history of the Mongol Empire

Which is fascinating yeah, Dan Carlin's hardcore history We had him as a guest on the podcast a couple weeks ago and now i'm addicted to his uh his podcast it's excellent it's amazing if you're into like crazy stories about history and the wars and this whole shit about genghis khan this there's a series he's doing right now it's amazing it's so nuts it was only 1200 there was a few a few hundred years ago this motherfucker was just carving his way across the world yeah i'd love to listen to that it's amazing and i got it immediately at a red light with that podcast app so if you don't like the podcast app go fuck yourself yeah it introduces you i mean to the podcasting to so many fans too yeah that you

didn't know existed like you always tend to think of i mean you've had obviously like way more exposure and and you know being on television but like you forget like when you do just the podcast that you know there's people downloading it in all over canada all over australia uk and like yeah all over the world all over the world and that now and that now like we can go and do like i'm gonna do toronto and it's all because of the podcast yeah i'm doing that underground comedy club that place is awesome i heard that place is awesome it's fucking awesome i'm going there in may yeah duncan just got back from there yes he said it was a fucking incredible experience i'm so excited to go i'm going early week early in

you and the beautiful thing about podcasts and uh the impact of podcasts is that it if people don't like the podcast it's not successful it's really that simple right they don't they don't like the podcast, it's not successful. It's really that simple. They don't take off unless people like them. So no one's promoting it. It's totally democratic. It's totally organic. It either happens or it doesn't happen. So to the people that enjoy our podcast, thank you very much.

We appreciate the fuck out of it. I know you do. I know you appreciate it. Absolutely. It's like the greatest opportunity to have your own show that could have ever existed. Absolutely. There's nothing else that comes close to giving you the kind of freedom. We're number one right now in all comedy podcasts.

We're number one. So suck it. Suck it. Suck upon it. But we're very happy. So thank you, everybody, that came out this weekend. Brian, say thanks to everybody. Yes, thank you very much. Everyone was so nice.

So nice. Pretty powerful Death Squad group there. They had 100 people before the show even started met at this It's weird. They're starting chapters in every state. They're organic. Completely organic. Death Squad Ohio, Death Squad Connecticut,

Death Squad Florida, completely organic. Death Squad PA, Death Squad Connecticut, Death Squad Florida, completely organic. Death Squad PA, I hear you. We have juggalos. We basically have juggalos. We have a new type of juggalo, though. It's like Fight Club. They're nice. They get their shit together.

They're eating kale shakes, lifting weights. I talked to 100 people that lost a fucking hundred pounds or more. I mean, I'm not joking. I talked to 30 people this weekend that said I changed their life. And it happens every time we do shows. The weirdness of it all and the unexpectedness of it all is the inspirational aspect of it. Never thought that was going to happen. Never thought that people were going to take these crazy rants, just getting pissed off and talking shit about things or breaking things down, and take them and put them in YouTube clips.

And then those YouTube clips would get hundreds of thousands of views. I mean it's millions for some of them. It's really crazy. It's incredible, man. It's incredible. And I don't know thousands of views. I mean it's millions for some of them. It's really crazy. It's incredible, man. It's incredible. And I don't know how it happened. You affect people's lives. But it's all organic.

It was no one ever planned to do any of this. And that's the most beautiful thing about it. I'm headed right now from here. We're going to get something to eat. And then I'm going to go to do David Cho's podcast. Looking forward to that. Love that dude. You've got to come to ours. I would love

to! Let's make it happen! Powerful Tom Segura. Follow him on Twitter. Tom S-E-G-U-R-A and follow Red Band on Twitter. R-E-D-B-A-N. If you go to DeathSquad.TV, you can find information on all the different shows that Brian will put on a show

every month or so, including this Friday night at the Ice House in the little room, which is the dopest room of all time. I want to see what I'm doing Friday night, but if I have time, I'm going to come down and do a set. Wednesday, the 13th? March 14th.

We have Tony Segura. Yoshi is going to be there. Who the fuck is Tony Segura? Tony Hinchcliffe. Tony Hinchcliffe. Dude. Tony Hinchcliffe. How dare you?

Disinformation. Yoshi just joined us. Alpha Yoshi. Yeah. Yeah. Billy Bonnell and Jason Tebow at the American Comedy Co. March 14th. That's next Thursday.

Tickets are at AmericanComedyCo.com. And that is a really dope little place. It's awesome. Shout out to Yoshi. People that are asking me about Montreal. Montreal was sold out a long time ago. I'm there with powerful Ari Shaffir. And we're doing the Jimbo's Comedy Club.

It's the tiniest little place. It seats like no bullshit. Like I don't even think it seats 100 people. Really? Yeah. The last time I was there, I did the Palladium, I think it's called. Like, 2,200 people. And now you're doing a tiny 100 seat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's my friend Jimbo. See, I've been working for Jimbo since I think I first worked for him in 92 or 93. Yeah. It's somewhere around then. It was before I ever moved to California. I was living in New York. This is really cool. And he's just the nicest guy ever. And he's so nice. I alternate whenever I do Montreal. When I do Montreal, I do a big theater. And then the next

time I come in town, it's a few months later, whatever it is, I do his tiny club. That's cool. Yeah. So it's, that's so cool. Yeah. It's fun's fun for me you know it's fun to do it's a cool ass place but unfortunately it's sold out that's really cool joe you got way cooler it's it's an awesome place and then the 22nd and the 23rd is the next time on the road i'm going to be at zany's in nashville another small club i got a gang of new that i'm working on and so i decided to book myself in a really small place. And Zany's in Nashville is fucking great. When are you doing that?

That's the 22nd and 23rd. So that's – I'm just trying to put all this shit into a form. I'm going to try to – I'm trying to do my next special in August. Are you really? Yeah. Damn. I'm trying to figure out where to do it. Yeah, I've got an hour and 20 minutes now this this past weekend it was so solid it was like this new

shit that i have it's like a lot of it is ideas that i've had before i just didn't know where to put them and you know so it's coming along really quick so i figured fuck it let's get that ball rolling again that's great yeah because i want to um i want to I have a new process that I'm doing. And one of the new processes is work on what I have now, add to it, but also stockpile. So I'm doubling up on my writing. So I'm trying to have four

big writing sessions a week. That's my goal, is to get to four major writing sessions a week. So three days I don't write at all, but four several hour writing sessions. And one blog a week. So that's my other new goal. Is your writing session just

freeform writing? Just like whatever? Just sit down. Yeah, whatever I want to write about. That's cool. Yeah. Could be sports. Could be my dick. Could be poop. Dick with your sports? Could be dick and poop with sports. That sounds like a good show. That's a good show. Dick and poop with Yeah. That sounds like a good show. That's a good show. Dick and Poop with sports.

That's like a good, like, two radio guys that talk shit and don't want anybody to know their name. I'm Dick, and this is Poop. We're Dick and Poop with sports. All right, you fucks. Listen, we love the shit out of you people, and we appreciate all of your support. We appreciate all the positive energy that we get. I say this all the time, but I can't say it enough. We feel incredibly fortunate.

It's a very unusual place to be in in life, and I understand that, and I appreciate that, and I'm very thankful. So people keep coming to me. Please don't stop doing the podcast. I would never stop doing this fucking podcast. I'll quit a lot of shit in this life, but I'm not going to quit this podcast.

We will always produce it in some form or another. Go to rogan.ting.com to support our sponsor, Ting. Sign up. They'll give you $25 either off the service or off one of their groovy phones. Go to onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10% off any And all supplements Tomorrow We have Diamond

David Lee Roth One of the baddest Motherfuckers To ever walk The face of the planet He will be here Tomorrow And then Friday

Of course Dr. Amit Goswami And he's gonna school us On the nature of reality Sounds cool man Fucks you Crazy fucks Alright

We love you We'll talk to you soon Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.