The Joe Rogan Experience - #341 - Ben Hoffman

Episode Date: March 20, 2013

Ben Hoffman is a comedian and writer, currently starring in his own show on Comedy Central called The Ben Show.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Join my day, Joe Rogan Podcast, my night, all day. Powerful Ben Hoffman. Thanks for joining us, buddy. What's up, guys? How about that fucking David Lee Roth podcast? Did you like that?

Dude, here's what I loved about that. I'm not saying this to – I didn't want to start with the ass kissing, but I'll do it anyway. David, isn't he kind of the king of just like the interviews where he just like – again, nothing against him. But like his normal interviews are just like kind of one-liners and like he's covering up for something. He prepares. But in this kind of scenario, he can't. Yeah. For two hours, you can't just sit here and do like bippity bop and schtick.

Schtick is the word I'm looking for. He just does. I've seen a million David Lee Roth interviews. And he just does his fucking schtick. I'm like, who is this man? You don't know anything. Right, right. But he came in.

You're stuck here for two hours. You know, like in a good way or a bad way. But God, that was a great fucking david lee roth interview yeah we found that that yeah it was first of all surreal as fuck just sitting there talking to david lee roth going that's really david lee roth shows up by himself okay zero entourage kind of ben hoffman style and suspenders or what are those things called yeah yeah it's suspenders on like oh no um overalls overalls He used to wear that shit and no shirt. He was wearing overalls.

No underwear. Dude, he's cool as fuck. He's just a regular guy that happens to be one of the greatest rock stars the world has ever known. I mean, the things he's seen, man. And when you say it to him, you know, like, well, listen, man, you're one of the greatest rock stars the world has ever known. He's like, yeah, I guess. You know, he's like, I i mean he's not a fool he's well aware of who he is but he doesn't let it get in the way of anything but he's living in japan yeah that's what he was saying i think

but it was just weird to see him he was almost like out of character yes he was like seeing him as a human which you don't think of him as he's like he's like a superhero right i know yeah it was his quote well i was really fortunate that i hung out with him one night at the comedy store. So I got to see the real David Lee Roth. He came – it was one of the weirdest things ever. Like you don't ever know who's in the crowd when you're on stage because the lights are bright and you get off stage and all of a sudden you see someone and you go, oh, wow, you just watched that? And David Lee Roth comes up and he goes, hey, man, I just want to tell you I didn't think you were going to be funny. Like what the fuck, man?

You blew my mind. He was like, it was so nice. He goes, I just assumed. Like, that's the Fear Factor guy. Seems like a nice fellow. How funny could he be? Holy shit. And he was like just super like charismatic and hilarious.

We hung out with him for fucking hours, right? Yeah. Like two hours just chilling at the store. A few years back. And we have it. Actually, I have it all on video. The conversation. The whole entire thing is on video somewhere in this humongous pile the archives yeah we should get that somewhere i don't think we he wanted that i know his uh his uh manager contacted like that shit on fire actually yeah because oh yeah it was already destroyed i take

it back did a little conversation about porsche mind and talked about porsche joe your shirt is so bad can you show your box real quick if people can see the shirt it says house rogan i got this from game of thrones today they sent me this box it says uh house rogan on it and uh there's i guess they're sending these to all the supporters of the game of thrones people who are like super fans and i couldn't stop talking about the show. Ever since I started watching it, I'd been tweeting it like crazy, and apparently it got back to them. So they sent me this fucking amazing box that says House Rogan on it, and when you open

it up, it plays the theme song, and it has two DVDs in there. Blu-rays. Yeah, two, the first season and the second season, which I already own. Wait, show the Scooby-Doo. The Scooby-Doo part. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a secret button.

When you press a button, this thing pops out in a scroll. It's called an HBO boner, right? I guess you would hide your drugs there after you got rid of those DVDs. Oh, that's a good idea. By the way, just to clarify, I'm guessing they're not sending it to all super fans? You would hide your drugs there after you got rid of those DVDs. Oh, that's a good idea. If you want to hide your... By the way, just to clarify, I'm guessing they're not sending it to all superfans?

Some of the... Just the top tier superfans probably get the giant... I know Patton got one. Patton Oswalt showed the first picture. That's how I knew what it was before I opened the box. Oh, really? Because it looked like a cigar humidor. And then I remember seeing Patton's photo.

And I said to my wife, I'm like, I told her what it was before I opened it, but I was like, God, if I'm wrong, I'll be so sad. So this is the scroll. They put a scroll in a secret compartment. You have to press a button. It says, Loyalist of House Rogan, the new season of Game of Thrones is almost here.

Show your passion for the series and use this limited edition case to share your exclusive Game of Thrones content Wow. That's awesome. Send me a girl's one. That's pretty cool. Send me some used panties or something. I'm not a show girl. Big fan. They have that show

Girls Yeah it's like Sex in the city For us Younger age It's sex in the city For girls Yeah

Is it good But for like younger It's like Younger crowd No it's entourage For girls They have four on sex In it though

Entourage with sex In the city For guys Oh right And this is Entourage for girls Entourage never did A god damn thing for me I don't know what it was I tried I gave it a shot But I would watch city for guys oh right and this is this is entourage for girls entourage never did a goddamn

thing for me i don't know what it was i tried i gave it a shot but i would watch entourage and i go okay i just like the scenery i mean everybody looked pretty yeah girls have straight up porn in it though like it's pretty much watching a porn yeah they got they went they show shooting on the on the chest like loads on the chest and everything you know what really i'm gonna go buy that they show loads on the chest yeah what yeah wait a minute how do they do that i don't know because it's uh so like the girl's copying her tits and you see like you just see the afterwards of aftermath of him shooting on her chest you actually see it hit uh i can't remember i think it was just on the chest so you just see it You see her tits raw tits I can't remember I'll find out

You're acting like you didn't rewind it Now you're fucking hedging your bets here What happened What really happened did you see loads on tits Yeah you saw loads on tits I don't remember if it was showing a shot On her tits or if it was just after And so this is just about a bunch of freaks

Who live together and fuck the shit out of everybody? Pretty much. Is it good? Yeah. I just got into it. What's so good about it? It's just...

You heard the part about loads on chest? Hot chicks. Hot chicks. That's all over the internet, man. That's 90% of the internet. It's funny how little that's represented in the real world. It's like finally loads are starting to represent and in modern media it's about time it's a big part of people's life online loads are a huge part of people's life online but in

you know on comedy central you rarely see loads do you think it would screw you up if you're a kid now watching all this internet porn yeah and you would think that's how every how sex is supposed to end well they say that a lot of girls are having anal sex now because of that that it wasn't really nearly as common in the 80s 90s what have you it's crazy it's crazy me to think like yeah it doesn't every porn you watch basically end like in the face most of them do yeah like and like if you're a kid if i was watching them like that's how babies are made i guess you know well i don't think they're thinking about making babies. I think they're thinking about fucking. And the problem with that is you're watching people don't fuck like people really fuck. It's not normal for a girl to spit on your dick and then you just shove it in her ass.

That is pretty rare. I'm saying I'd be weird to be a kid nowadays. I wonder how that would fuck with me. It fucks with you hardcore. Well, look, porn has made one dominant victory in our culture, and that's in the world of pubic hair. That's true. Porn dominated it. Crabs is going away. Did you hear about that?

Really? Because of that? Because everyone's shaving. There's no more crabs. But they say that STDs, you're more likely to catch STDs when everyone's shaved. Really? Yeah. So crabs over STDs, I think I'll take crabs.

I guess you're right. Why is that? Because you're closer and more contact and stuff? Yes, I guess. Then maybe the natural flora in your pubic hair acts as some sort of a preventative barrier. Like why you're supposed to have eyebrows. It keeps the sweat out of your eyes. Yeah.

That's what it's there for, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if that metaphor works. That's what it's for, right? I mean, that's exactly why it's above your fucking eyes. No, that's what eyebrows are for. I'm sure if that's the the pubic hair metaphor worked and people that are in from really funky climates that's why they have that unibrow it's for the

whole face they don't want it on the nose they don't want it rolling down into your eyes you don't get the unibrow in the blonde communities because they're freezing their dicks off up in iceland okay right but you want to go to Persia, those motherfuckers are hot. It's hot over there. I never thought about it like that. That makes perfect sense. Yeah, I'm dropping science on you, Ben Hoffman. I had no idea. Pubic hair was supposed to attract birds, actually.

I was saying before, I need to learn more about eyebrows and pubic hair. Pubic hair was supposed to attract birds. Yeah, and they were supposed to make nests on your crotch. You need to think about some of this shit before you say it and wonder if it's worth doing, because that one wasn't. I say don't you whatever me fuck you save that shit from muff said okay on this podcast i want your a-game um so the game of thrones they also send you uh a um a flash drive with a bunch of images and social media they give you like a banner that you can put on your Twitter page that says House Rogan. Look at that.

That's pretty badass. Oh, it's got your name on it. That's crazy. Yeah, I'll throw that shit up before the premiere. It should have the premiere. It's doing its job, too. Yeah. Yeah, they're fucking badass, man.

That is a really clever use of marketing. HBO, knocking it out of the park. Yeah, HBO is on top of shit. They have so many fucking good shows. They show loads on the chest, too. Apparently. Allegedly. I'm not buying it.

I would have heard about that. This motherfucker, suntan lotion, he thinks it's loads. No, no, no. It was loads. It was after sex. Hits his head and runs straight over here and gets on the mic did you hear no research did you hear about that kid in ohio that wearing the ohio the killer shirt and all that shit he shot up he shot up and killed i think three people in a in a school

and then he got uh life and he's getting life in prison but and what he did is he took off his shirt he had like an outside collar shirt on and during the like hearing the last hearing he took off his shirt and it said killer and then he like looked at the victim's eyes like his last words is like i want you to know like this hand that shot your kids i used to masturbate every night or something like that and huh thinking about them you know and they said that yeah look look at this fucked up kid man this is yesterday and and yeah it's this big thing right now because now that you know like they're getting the people are getting in trouble because how did he get that shirt past the security guards and stuff like that and and I guess you

know just just caused you know all the families to burst out in tears and all this I mean this kid is a fucking piece of shit. And his sister. Why are you talking about this? Because you were talking about, like, how porn was affecting kids earlier. And I'm just talking about, like, how kids have been, like, these crazy kids nowadays. Well, there's always been crazy people, man. I really don't want to dwell on this guy, though.

I don't like talking about this kind of shit. That's some dark shit. Not only that, this whole serial killer thing, it feeds off of you talking about it. That's how these guys get this idea in the first place of becoming special because they know that if they do something really fucked up, a bunch of people will talk about it. And that's inevitable, but there's a lot of things to concentrate on in this life. If you want to start concentrating every day on how many fucked up people there are in the world, you become Nancy Grace. Yeah. I'm just saying this is what's hitting the news if you heard about it yet.

That's what everyone's talking about. Why are you blaming that on porn though? No, I'm just saying this is what's hitting the news if you heard about it yet that's fucking that's why everyone's blaming that on porn though no i'm just saying how how fucked up kids are nowadays it's one kid most kids are not with the school this is the greatest time to live ever as far as violence there's some people that are fucked up but the amount of them in comparison to the rest of the human population it's way less there's this is the safest time to ever be alive it's 300 million fucking people in this country and every now and then one of them blows a fuse i like your view though of not giving them the coverage that's an interesting way of doing it don't give them the the fucking uh time of day well it's just you can that's you can concentrate on that

for every show every day if you wanted to. That's true. There's enough out there. There's constantly fucked up things out there. But that kind of shit, like someone trying to fuck with the family after he kills them, I don't want to talk about that guy. That's not – I don't like that. I don't like hearing about it. It's the whole idea behind it that this kid can get away with something like that. We, if we live in a world that makes sense, when someone does anything remotely fucked up like that, you beat them to death.

You don't, you don't bother feeding them and housing them and taking care of them. You, you beat them to death. That's what you do. And you, you save money doing it. You do it with a fucking club

and you just smash his diseased brain and then you move on but we live in this pussified world where a cunt like that can say that in front of those people and not have the normal normal healthy reaction which is just kill him he's broken that's a damaged human being that will never get better and you have to kill them. You don't house them. You don't feed them. You don't put them in a fucking special room where they can't touch other people. You kill them.

Because there's no reason for them to be around. There's nothing you're going to learn from them. All you're going to do is find out what made them fucked up. And you're not going to prevent that unless you've got fucking cameras in everyone's bedroom from the time a kid is born to the time they finally escape their cunt parents and become a psychopath and go roaming through the streets killing people to try to fill some hole inside of them or whatever the fuck is wrong with them but we don't do that and that that's what drives me the most crazy about watching those things it's not just that people like that exist is that people like that only exist because we don't have community anymore our system of government our system of laws when it's set up to deal with bad people we for whatever fucking

reason when someone's a horrible piece of shit like that want to show that we're humane and show that we have you know we have uh morals and we have laws and we have a certain way you shouldn't do that you should beat that guy to death and let everybody know that you can't do that to people you can't torture and kill people you can't try to hurt the victim's family by saying something fucked up because you're a mess just get that thing dead get that thing dead and off the planet let's see this picture i gotta say i'm with you on that one you got to do with all of them all pieces of of shit. There's got to be a real reason to not be a piece of shit. The problem is they're raised by horrible people.

And then the other problem is who's to say whether or not a person is guilty? Who's to say whether or not a person really did do this? When you have a case like that where not only do you know the guy did it, he's joking around about it. He's bragging about it. Yeah, that's a dead man. And if he's not a dead man, we live in a p about it. He's bragging about it. Yeah. That's a dead man. And if he's not a dead man, we live in a pussified society that's allowing people like that to exist. You should never let him get to that point.

Somebody probably knew he was fucked up a long time ago. They should have got together, had a little conversation, and put his lights out. You've seen The Staircase? No, what is that? This documentary about this guy who killed basically it's not definitive but he basically killed his wife you gotta see it it's the best fucking documentary it's like this what like think eight part no one here's seen it this eight part documentary that was on sundance he claimed his wife fell down the stairs i don't want to give it away because you have to watch it and it's like you find it all this crazy shit, but he says his wife fell down the stairs.

Turns out – actually, I'm not even going to say the next part. Just say it. Go ahead. Turns out he had another woman he knew years before who also accidentally fell down the stairs. This is a well-to-do – like a really wealthy man, a novelist who like you would never suspect. But they had cameras running the whole time. It's fucking – and they just aired a special. So you had cameras running when they interviewed him, you mean?

No, cameras running in his house the whole, during the whole trial. So they saw him? The first thing, as soon as they found out about it, they went to his house, can we document the whole process? Whoa. And they have the whole thing. It's the staircase.

You can get it on Amazon. It's awesome. So do you think he's innocent at first, and then towards the end you start thinking that he's guilty? Yeah, but it's the staircase you can get on amazon it's it's awesome so do you think he's innocent at first and then towards the end you start thinking that he's yeah but it's it it's enough he throws you man because i have friends who've seen it and still like you know i think he's innocent so it's there's enough up in the air that maybe but there's too much coincidence for me personally two wives fall down the stairs well the first one wasn't a wife it was a friend it's one of his best friends it's the whole thing i mean there wife. It was a friend. It's one of his best friends. It's the whole thing. I mean, there's just... It was a girl?

Yes. Both girls? Yes. And one was... One he adopted. Again, I'm giving away too much. You could probably kill someone pretty easy by throwing them down a flight of stairs. I bet most people would die. But of course it looks like an accident. He kicked them down a flight of stairs. But guess... Do you want to know the ending? Sure.

He's off. Really? Yeah. Whoa's off. Really? Yeah. Whoa. This documentary aired like five years ago. So you believe he's guilty? I do, is my belief. And he was in jail until like a year ago, and they aired this special addendum to it that he got out.

Wow. Yeah, people get away with shit, man. There's some psychos out there. Wow. Yeah, people get away with shit, man. There's some psychos out there. And there's also people that live with horrible people. And you fucking just feed off each other's hate.

And you get to the point where you just... But that's the thing that throws you out of this documentary is his family seems like all great people. It throws you. Especially the kids. What was the wife like, though? I never saw her. She was dead. Yeah, who knows? Maybe the wife was a problem and he had to kick her down the flight of stairs.

Yeah, maybe he had a good reason. I don't know. to kick her down the flight of stairs. Yeah, I mean, maybe he had a good reason. I don't know. There's no good reason to do that. I'm kidding. How dare you? I'm JKing. These are just jokes, folks. We're just trying to find a way to talk about this. Yeah, there was a show. Do you remember HBO's Dr. Michael Badden, the autopsy shows?

Remember those? Do you ever see those, Brian? Yeah, it was disgusting. I mean, I didn't watch full episodes, but I tried to watch them. Well, he busted a lot of murderers because he would, you know, through forensic evidence, they'd find like one small thing.

When did this air? Oh, man. It was seven years ago. Years ago. I missed that song. Several, several years ago. A lot of really creepy shit on it. But one of them was this guy whose wife just kept dying. ago yeah i missed that several several several years ago a lot of really creepy shit on it but

one of them was this guy whose wife just kept dying he's fucking people man it's like they got away with it once and he figured well fuck it man i know how to do this and probably whets your appetite i'm sure and i bet they also feel like as long as they don't go to jail for it no one's even gonna look into it like oh look they said it was an accident she died oops and then also the next one dies and he goes no no the other one was an accident okay i told you it was an accident this one was an accident too like that's when people close in on you son but these kind of documentaries too when you see because you get you get thrown because you see the prosecution and the defense and you hate them

both both lawyers so then you're like who the fuck is right because both of the lawyers are so fucking annoying yeah it's like which side do i i hate them both kind of well it's got to be hard to be a person that operates in the legal system and tries to get bad people off that's your job exactly and then you got to go out and face the world knowing that, like, what if he got that kid with the t-shirt? What if he got that kid off on a technicality? Somebody has to be that kid's lawyer. Right. What if somebody got that kid off on a technicality?

You know, what if there was, like, some contamination of evidence or what have you, and that fucking kid got free? At what point are you allowed to say, like, I just can't do this? I want to know if that kid is on prescription medicine like all the other ones. And there's fucking girls supposedly that are tweeting that they're in love with him because they think he's cute oh that happens a lot man yeah that guy the um richard ramirez he got married in jail people love that fan yeah he's the night stock he would stomp girls heads in and crush their skulls and he's got people that visit him in jail mickey mallory knox who's that uh the the movie uh natural born killers where they glorified us yeah like superstars almost well to a lot of people that live in a world of shit and that that is a problem

with our society that lack of community that we talked about that's that's a big problem man when people are allowed to grow up living in a world of shit when there's not enough people to be around to be friends to love to you know to to support people when you just on your own living in a world of shit and abuse and you grow up to be a monster you know we are this disconnection that we have with our neighbors and disconnection we have with our co-workers with our coworkers and this lack of like real deep, meaningful friendships that so many people have in this life. That's one of the big holes that people have. Over and over and over again, if you find like really angry people, you find out that they're loners. You find out that they're rejected.

They don't have loved ones. They don't have good friends. It's rare. I'm kind of a loner now i'm getting worried about myself i'm worried about you from the moment i met you exactly but i do have some friends so i'm not one of these crazy you're not a loner you know what i'm talking about i like being alone the people that are just keep themselves at work don't have conversations that's the guy who's going to come in with a gun and shoot everybody right yeah there's there's something about humans where we desperately require each other and we have to be aware of that it's it's you can say you know what man i don't i like to be alone people annoy me no you like to be alone sometimes we all like to be alone sometimes you do not want to be alone forever you don't you'll be horrified

you'll be terrified you'll be miserable you can live where people are around you all day every day for the rest of your life you can live fine maybe it'll be annoying sometimes you know maybe you'll be looking for some peace and quiet and you won't get it as much as you need it but you'll be fine if you live by yourself you'll go fucking crazy you'll commit suicide you'll jump off a a cliff. You'll become friends with a volleyball. Yeah, like Tom Cruise, right? Tom Hanks, yeah. Tom Hanks.

Tom Cruise. Imagine if Tom Cruise was in that. It'd be a lot more screaming. I'd give C.U.D. a go. And it'd be 20% more gay. Mm-hmm. At least. That volleyball would've been

popped a long time ago. Volleyball would have lipstick on it and holes in it. Up his butthole, you mean? No. Why would you put lipstick on your butthole?

What? That might be a good idea. What are they teaching you over at Comedy Central, son? I don't know. They're teaching me crazy shit. Teaching you crazy shit? So, thank you to HBO for this hookup. It's the coolest thing I've ever gotten, ever. This Game of Thrones thing, and thank you for the t-shirt.

It's pretty badass. That's how you promote things. The other way to promote things is, come on podcast ben hoff oh shit what an intro that's a segue the ben show thursdays at 10 on comedy central we got nothing like this how many have you done so far the the third aired last week so people are watching this live right some some people are watching this live some people are getting people are watching this live. Some people are getting this on iTunes. If you're watching it live, there's a special sneak peek tonight at 10.30 after Workaholics. But on iTunes, this is going to mean nothing to you.

Well, they'll get it tomorrow morning, though. It's on tomorrow. But it's on Thursdays at 10 for everyone else. And we got five more episodes left, and I think they're funny. Actually, I have mixed feelings. I'm not a big Ben Hoffman fan, but overall I think it's pretty good. How many of you aired so far?

We've aired three and there's five more and it's, uh, um, I'm trying to, it's like a sketch comedy show mixed in with like man on the street. So you see me in my real life. Like if, like we were shooting right now,

I'd be shooting this. Oh, there's a clip. So you would come in and do it. We'd be shooting this. If this is, yeah. If I was shooting the now, I'd be shooting this. Oh, there's a clip. So you would come in and do it? We'd be shooting this if I was shooting the show right now. So it blurs the lines. Yeah, this is a fake audition. So can they watch this right now?

Sure. You're a gangster granny, you're pissed off, and let's do it. These are real old ladies trying to audition for a part. Are we ready? Action. Listen up, everyone. Now get your hearing aids out of your pussies

and assholes, because the gang is coming for us. They're going to cover this place with their devil semen and burn it to the ground. And for what? For a fucking big money business company. Well, we can all sit here

in our own shitty diapers or we can exercise our Second Amendment rights and get some motherfucking guns. Holy shit. Wow, that was really good. Sounds great. All right, action. Respect the elderly, motherfucker.

Perfect. I've got to turn my hearing aid off. Shit's about to get loud. You motherfuckers. Time to move into a home. A funeral home, cocksucker. Yeah! Oh, cocksucker! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I came here for two things. To suck some hard candy and suck some dicks.

What was the line? I came here for two things and what are they? Hand out hard candy. Oh, hand out hard candy. And blow some motherfucking dicks off. And blow some motherfucking dicks off, cocksucker. Alright, you got the part.

Great. Perfect. Yeah, so we put that out. That's great. We put out this casting call over L.A. that we're looking for this new, we're doing a new movie. We didn't tell them it was a Comedy Central show. We said this new movie called Gangsta Granny by a tough-talking grandma, and we need old ladies to come in and audition. And we gave them sides, like, you know, I don't know if they're going to read this.

And every fucking, you know, people want to work. Yeah. going to read this. And every fucking – people want to work. They all read this fucking thing. And then so we felt bad. So then we shot a scene from the movie. Well, you got to realize that the grandmas of today, if you're dealing with a 67-year-old lady of today, that lady was like rocking it in the 70s. So you know what I'm saying? They're not the grandmas of when we were children who were like in the 50s. These are 70s grannies.

So they parted their dicks off already. They were having a blast. Yeah, I'm sure. That was the weird thing. You know, every audition you see like that exposes just how fucking easy acting really is. Oh, dude, we did four different fake audition things throughout the series. Because, listen, I've been to a million of those auditions. And as bad bad as they were and as funny as it was they were no better or worse than me like they would have beaten me in any role i mean i just got got lucky and got the there's a lot of

people out there that are auditioning for parts that could do it easily like that's why i love when someone like justin timberlake becomes a big actor because he's not an actor he's a fucking singer i love when like an athlete does it becomes a big actor, because he's not an actor. He's a fucking singer. I love when an athlete does it and becomes a really good actor, because it shows you. It is not hard. It is one of the easiest things to do ever. You remember the words, and then you pretend, and it's not that hard to do.

And some people do it better than famous people, and they easily could be famous. Yeah, that's why I wanted to put a lot of real stuff in the show, because I'm just like, aren't real people just as funny as fucking actors? Most of them are. Yeah, there's a lot of funny fucking people out there. They just have never figured out how to make a living off of it. Totally.

Growing up, I always tell my friends, were you the funniest kid growing up? No. Exactly. I hung out with a lot of funny kids, but all my friends were funny. I just, for some reason, decided to get into it. I wasn't even close. Yeah, but there were so many funny kids who were just like, they wanted to be a doctor or work at a bank or whatever it was. The funniest person I ever met in my life was a private investigator.

Really? Yeah, still is. His name's Dave Dolan. Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan. I worked for him when he lost his- He has no dick? No. He used to call himself.

He's crazy. Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan. He already sounds funny. He's crazy and sober,less dave dolan he already sounds funny he's crazy and sober too by the way when i met him he had just lost his license uh from drinking and driving crashed his car on a tunnel and tried to run on foot from the cops holy shit crazy and he was a private investigator so he needed someone to drive him around because he lost his license there's a is that not a sitcom right there yeah a private investigator private investigator who can't drive? Yeah. So I responded to the job.

It was like some newspaper or something like that. I called him up, asked him what it was all about, what the hell we're supposed to be doing, and I started working for him. So I worked for him for whatever it was, 90 days or something like that until his license was brought back. It might have been six months, but then he got his license back and didn't need me anymore. By then, I was sort of starting to get gigs. But you still hang out with him? Yeah, I'm still friends with him.

I go back and talk to him whenever I'm in Boston. I got him tickets to the UFC. He's a great guy. That's awesome. He's an awesome dude, but he's fucking hilarious. He was always hilarious. We would go on these things,

and most of what the insurance or most of what private investigation business is, is insurance cases. It's people that are getting workman's compensation and they're lying and working on the side and you catch them working. Or they're

suing and they say, oh, my back is horribly injured and you catch them doing something like carrying something heavy. That's a lot of money they're saving if they bust them. Yeah. Well, a lot of people, they'll claim to be injured if they're on the job. They have some sort of a job. So we would have to sit in front of people's houses.

We would get there at like 4 o'clock in the morning when it was dark out, park the car and sit and wait for this guy to go to work because we had to follow the guy to go to work. So we'd be in this car bored out of our heads and we just just start talking shit and then you know it'd be like yeah i knew this one girl and she was so fucking crazy and he would tell some story about a girl he dated we would just start howling and i i remember thinking like crying in this car he and i just sitting there five o'clock in the morning you'd already decide you wanted to get into comedy i was already doing it at the time. That was one of the reasons why I needed another job. Because right when I was working for him is when I stopped teaching martial arts.

And I stopped competing as well. I got to this point where I was like, you know what? I've got to pick one thing or the other. And comedy is what I really want to do. Fighting is just going to give me brain damage like i got to get away from that and i got to really focus my energies on this i need some sort of a job so i quit teaching i was teaching at a school and i was teaching at boston university and so i quit all that and then got this private investigation job what was the craziest thing you saw on the job nothing crazy really it wasn't that

crazy at all. We never really were in danger. You never saw a guy working and you had to confront him or anything? No, you never would confront them. You would just take a picture of them or you would confirm that it's them. It was kind of sad. One time we got this one lady. Have I ever told this story on the podcast before?

We had this lady and one of the ways he would get information was he would find someone's address and you know like he would know who they were he would know like from the insurance company one of them was a woman who was injured on the job working for delta and there was a reason to suspect that she was still working while she was collecting uh workman's compensation so we got her address in her license plate number and then he wrote on a piece of paper her license plate number followed by a bunch of license plates numbers that were similar to it close to it and then he knocks on the door he said oh yeah I'm hoping you can help me out my girlfriend was in a car accident and the cops they wrote down the license plate number

for the witness but someone spilled some coffee on it so it's either one of these four numbers and we checked these two and i'm hoping it's you and uh he would describe an injury that was the exact same injury as the one this woman had like you know she herniated her disc and this and i just recently had that. You're kidding. Wow. So the woman goes, would you guys like to come in and have some coffee? Okay, we're fucking men, okay? Two men.

And, you know, I would have never trusted me at 21 years old. I looked like a fucking psychopath. And he was a nut. You know, he was this crazy nut who was willing to crash his car in a fucking tunnel and then run on foot. And this nice lady just invites us into her home. we're sitting in her kitchen would you like some coffee sure ma'am thank you very much i'll really i really hope you can help me here you know because uh you know katie or whatever the girl's name was that he made up you know she's uh she's such a good person and uh you know i this this this whole thing is just such a tragedy and she's

well you know what honey i've been through that exact same injury. And I think she's going to be OK. What happened to you? Oh, I fell on the job. Oh, you're getting paid, right? Oh, yes, yes. Not only am I getting paid, but I started working for another airline under my maiden name. So she gives up the ghost, right?

And I'm just sitting there shaking my head. And so we leave. We get in the car. And I go, you can't turn that lady in. She's too nice. He goes, fuck her. He he goes fuck her he goes fuck her she goes that's what he kept saying i go really goes fuck her she goes she's a fucking crook he goes that nice lady is costing that company money because she's lying to them about being i got it i'm with him that's that's a

shitty thing to do yeah fuck that. She's such a nice lady. I still to this day feel bad about that. That's a clever way of doing it. He was a wizard. He was so good at that. He was so good. And it would be different things for different people. Like if it was a younger woman, I would talk to her and he would say like, you know, make it like you're interested in her and then get some information out of her.

Like we would find out things about like people that work there. Do you know Mike? Are you Mike's friend? And like, um, do I know you? I'm Joe. I'm Mike's friend. I know you. You're Mike's friend, right?

I never saw you with Mike. I know. Fuck. Where do I know? I know you from somewhere. Is Mike okay? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Mike's okay. Yeah. Is he, does he, did he get compensated for that? Yeah. Oh, they're taking care of him. Oh, that's good. That's okay. Yeah. Is he, did he get compensated for that? Yeah. Oh, they're taking care of him. Oh, that's good. That's good.

But I heard he was working for his brother. She goes, I think that's under the table. Oh, all right. Yeah. Well, fuck. Tell him I said hi. Tell him Joe says hi. And then the next thing you know, you know about Mike working under the table.

That sounds like a fun, I know, I know it probably wasn't at the time because no jobs are fun, but that sounds like a fun job. It was not the worst job. It was fun because, look, any job could be awesome if you work with awesome people. I mean I remember I had a job at Newport Creamery when I was in high school. It was like an ice cream place that flipped hamburgers. But the boss was a fucking funny guy. He was a cool guy.

And when I knew he was working, like the certain manager, I'd be psyched to go to work because it was going to be fun. You're going to be around fun people. I always had this shit. I don't think I've ever had a fun job, ever. I've had quite a few. I've been real lucky. But this was a really fun one. It was, you know, it wasn't like the easy.

It had to be up at 4 o'clock in the morning because you have to catch people before they leave. But if you're sitting in a car with a funny guy, it'd be fun. I just think being a private investigator would be like the most fun job. It's scary though. I mean he's been attacked before. I think he got attacked in a case. I don't remember the story. I think it was a wife thing.

Oh, that was one really fucked up one. There was this one guy. We went to investigate his girlfriend or his wife he had a feeling that his girlfriend was cheating on him so he hires dave and uh dave goes and gets pictures of the girlfriend with this fucking stud this guy's just a gorilla just some super athlete. I don't know what the fuck the guy did. Six foot three, 240 pounds, solid muscle. Looks like he lives in the gym, okay? And he's making out with the girl, squeezing her, picking her up.

She's wrapping her legs around him. Gets all these pictures, brings them back to the guy. And the guy starts crying. He starts crying. Like cheaters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, okay, keep following him. And he was like, what?

He goes, I just want to know that this has happened more than once. It isn't just a one-time thing. Keep following. So then he gets pictures of this guy just gorilla fucking this chick. Oh, my God. Just a – and he goes, I want you to keep – he goes, listen, you sick fuck. He goes, I'm not going to keep following him. And he goes, look, you got to do what you got to do.

But this is – i'm done here you crazy again you're not that sounds like a fun job i don't know i wasn't a part of that one i wasn't a part of that was like while i was working for him i was you know i was in transition and then like it was like watching people fuck i do that for free on the internet but this was a crazy one you know he could have gotten you know somebody catches i figured that would be a more popular one than the insurance claims but i guess no no his well his that was i believe that one came because he was referred to them by one of the companies that he was that he had been successful with and so a guy either that worked for the company or owned the company was the guy. It was a rich guy who he was using. And this woman, he had taken care of her.

He put her up in this beautiful place. And the guy was like super, super wealthy. But he couldn't stop that giant alpha dick from getting in there. He just got fucked. The thing is, he wanted us to – well, he wanted Dave. It was like right when I started working for him. I maybe hadn't actually started working for him, but it was like when we started hanging out together, it just happened. And he had given me the –

I wonder if that's a weird fetish that he wanted the guy to keep filming it. The guy definitely had – he had a kink going on. There was a little something. He wanted Dave to keep taking pictures of him. And Dave's like, hey, fuck you. This is over. This job is over. I'm not giving you jerk-off material. He wanted Dave to keep taking pictures of him. Dave's like, hey, fuck you. This is over. This job is over.

I'm not giving you jerk-off material. He's just picturing this guy with a finger up his ass, just screaming as he comes, looking at those photos. Again, you're just pitching movies here. It's a pretty solid script. I'm thinking of adding werewolves. Who plays the guy who fingers his ass? Who's the guy that played Pig Vomit in the Howard Stern movie? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I sat next to him on a plane recently.

He's awesome. What's his name? He's the best. Fucking. The guy from Sideways? Yeah. Come on in. No, I know it.

I know it. It's on the tip of my tongue. I'll pull up Sideways. God, I just sat on it. Like, literally sat it. I know it. It's on the tip of my tongue. I'll pull up sideways. God, I just sat on it. Like, literally sat on a fucking plane with the guy. But he would be a good guy for screaming as he was coming. I don't want to talk bad about him. What's wrong with that?

It's not bad about him at all. Paul Giamatti. Paul Giamatti. I blanked on that. Yeah, he's fucking amazing. That guy is, he's like my favorite pissed off guy ever. He's the best. And I was sitting on a plane with him.

I didn't really talk to him. But a friend of mine who knows him, I emailed afterwards. I was like, hey, I sat next to your friend on a flight home. And she emails back. She's like, she said that you were a very nice gentleman. So I bragged to all my friends and they told me that was the lamest thing to brag about that they'd ever heard. That I was just a polite guy. Like I'm not supposed to be an asshole because like, dude, Paul Giamatti thinks I'm a real nice gentleman.

That's a good thing. Well, that's probably one of the things that he says. He was a nice gentleman. But basically what he's saying is he didn't remember me. Oh, I don't think – you're probably nice to him. And I was listening to Stern in my headphones. That's hilarious. What are the odds?

Yeah, so I go – I didn't want to say anything, but you listening to Stern in my headphones. That's hilarious. What are the odds? Yeah, so I go, you know, I didn't want to say anything, but you know, you were great in that Stern movie. He's like, oh, thank you. He's like, it was a click in his ear to like, alright, gotta stop talking to this guy. This guy knows who I am. Right. Let me ignore him. But he was very nice. Well, I'm sure it gets annoying every now

and then when people associate you with a character that you played too. Called Pig Vomit? Yeah. A super asshole boss. You were the best asshole ever. Yeah, exactly. Such an awesome asshole. He was so fucking great. And he was good at being that pissed and sideways too.

Yeah. This whole train of thought came from the question of whether or not you were funny in high school. Whether you were the funny guy. That's where we got to my friend Dave and all this shit. Yeah yeah but i was saying that too like because that seems to be the questions everyone thinks if you're a comedian like you can listen to me right now and know that i'm not that funny but you could but you could also like i think if you asked my friends back home you'd be like oh yeah ben was funny but they wouldn't go like dude he was the funniest fucking i'm from kentucky right um i'm wearing the UK hat to –

Powerful UK. To promote the fact that they lost in the opening round of the NIT yesterday and are completely out of March Madness. By the way, I don't even know what the fuck any of what you just said means. You don't know you watch college basketball? I don't even know the rules. There's people listening right now who are talking shit about me, so I decided to show some – They were? No, they'll be talking shit when they hear this.

Well, how rude of them. Yeah, those fuckers. I was going to ask before too not to not talk about me, but you're going to Nashville. Do you go there much? No, I haven't been there in a while. That's where my mom's from. I go there all the time. I love it there.

I love it there. But there's – I just put out a new special about a couple months ago, September or something like that. Five bucks, right? Yeah, five bucks on JoeRogan.net. It's called Live from the Tabernacle. And I basically put together the next hour already, but I have a bunch of new shit that I want to work out. And so the best way for me to do that is to do a club that I don't go to very often. Oh, cool.

And I haven't been to this place in like more than a year. I think it's like two years since the last time i've been and this club zany's in nashville you ever been there i've never been to the i just i go to my grandma's house and shit when i'm there zany's is a fucking awesome comedy club it's like really tight seating there's a balcony but it's low like it's like they're right on top of you it's an amazing club. And Nashville is like, it's a rare town, man, because it's really smart. It's a weird combination of southern and smart and hip and a lot of musicians and artists. And Nashville is badass.

Ralphie May lives there now, doesn't he? Like he splits time. I think he goes back. I don't know. I don't know. I see. I see. I see.

I see. There's a lot of rock stars living there now. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well lot of rock stars living there now. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Honey Honey just moved there too. And Black Keys just moved there and all those people. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's a great creative environment for that.

And I don't know. I mean, I guess for comedy too. All you need for comedy is like one club that's good. And they have that. They got Zany's, which has been there for 30 years. I think they're just all addicted to whiskey. They just have to be near Jack Daniels or something. You can get that shit everywhere, son.

That's not difficult to get. You wouldn't have to move close to get Jack Daniels. Anybody here like old country? Yeah, love old country. Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash. Have you been to the Country Music Hall of Fame there? No. I'd never been, but I was there one time.

Usually I stay with family, but it was a family member's wedding, so there was no place for me to stay. So I had to stay at a hotel, and I had the day off. So I went to the but it was a family member's wedding so there was no place for me to stay so I had to stay at a hotel and I had the day off so I went to the Country Music Hall of Fame next door. It was fucking awesome. Was it really? I thought it was going to be stupid you know, Garth Brooks shit and all that.

It was like old school Hank Williams. Like a lot of the old... It was really cool. If you got time, I would go to it. Garth Brooks is slowly becoming some classics though. Like, you know how you have classic rock? I Got Friends in Low Places could be a classic country song. Well, it's weird you say that becoming some classics though like you know how you have classic rock i got friends in low places

could be a classic it is that well it's weird you say that because i was at the capital records building a while ago just got a friend who worked there and they have this these plaques on the wall of like every album that has sold 10 million copies right which is not that many so you go to the capital records there were like four beatles records dark Side of the Moon, and just a wall of Garth Brooks. Like you don't realize how many fucking albums this guy sold. He had like six albums that sold $10 million. Like you wonder why you don't hear from him anymore? Because he's got more fucking money than any musician.

I think he's doing Vegas now. I think he started doing concerts in Vegas. But just with an acoustic guitar, I think. Really? Like it's just him with a guitar, yeah. Listen, he's a weird fuck, but he's undeniably talented. Oh, dude, you can't sell that many records and not have something going on. I Got Friends in Low Places is a great fucking song.

If you got a buzz on and that song comes on and you don't get happy, you're a cunt. Well, if you're, that's a little harsh, but I agree. But no, where I'm from, if you're drinking and somebody doesn't put that on the jukebox like something's wrong cannot take that song of course you can't you're from ohio you probably heard it every day of your life exactly where in ohio you're alarm clock every day you remember when he did that weird thing garth brooks did where he put on a wig and pretend to be a different dude he was chris Gaines? Was that it? Yeah, something like that. God, that was the weirdest thing ever. What the fuck was that about?

When I see those plaques on the wall at Capitol Records, I'm like, no wonder he did that. He was just like... Yeah, look at that. Come on, man. Who let you do that, Garth Brooks? He grew a little... A little flavor saver.

A little flavor saver under the lower lip, and he went total emo, weirdo, brooding. That looks like he was in an argument with his label. He's like, look you fuckers, I could sell albums doing anything the fuck I want. Change my name, put a goat... That's what he thought. He really did believe that. I think that was...

Was that his last album? I don't know. Boy, that's a shitty way to go out if that's his last album. But that was like the Look at those pictures of him All with the hair just perfectly That's fine if we don't know it's a fucking wig man You can't just wear a wig

Okay That's ridiculous That looks Remember for a while in SNL That was like the go to joke What Chris Gaines Weekend update

Every joke was like a Chris Gaines joke Look how fucking silly he is. The idea that he thought that he could pretend to be someone different, a different personality. I'm not the happy country guy anymore, even though it's the same guy inside my heart. When I'm Chris Gaines, I'm moody as fuck. Okay, I'm all dressed in black. I'm a flavor saver. I even dyed that.

And my hair, it's all thick and heavy, even though you know I'm going bald. Don't think about that. Don't think about the wig, man. Think about the persona. I'm trying to sell a persona. I got this down. It's goddamn character. You're going to love my new CD.

It's Chris Gaines is moody as fuck. That's what it's called. I want you to concentrate. I want you to concentrate on the shitty music this time. Not on my shitty look. Two of me, but one heart. Who am I? Who am you?

Who do we become when we're together? Who wrote these shitty songs? Chris Gaines or Gary Brooks? We don't know. Yeah, he became like one of those Stephen King characters where fucking his eyes glaze over when he starts writing. And he starts going to glossolalia and writing a bunch of shit down like the dark half remember he had a tumor or something like that yeah i wonder if he's one of those guys like you know michael jackson like someone who goes

super crazy when they get super famous i wonder if he did that but just did it out of the spotlight because he was as famous as those guys in his heyday and you never heard of a freak out from him oh but maybe that album well didn't he like he left his wife for a while and got some new hottie or something like that. Yeah, another singer. But that shit's normal. That's impossible to avoid when you've got the kind of Garth Brooks pussy going your way. What are you going to do? You know what kind of pussy they're throwing at him pre-internet, son?

Oh my goodness. It was just tsunamis of pussy. And country pussy is hard to avoid, man. Sweet girls with like Georgia accents. Son, don't lie to me, Ben Hoffman. If it was coming your way, country pussy. Oh, if it was coming my way, yeah. Solid D, natural tits that defy gravity.

What am I saying, son? I grew up in Kentucky, and with that all around me, none of it offered to me. Not once. How about now? How about you got a little TV show? You got a little something coming your way? It's not helping as much as I was hoping it would. You don't have a regular gal?

No. Ben Hoffman, that's ridiculous. You're a handsome fellow. You're quick with your wit. Hey, ladies, if you're on Ustream and you're not too busy. I got to live tweet my show tonight, so I'm busy until like 8. But after that, we'll meet up. And we'll have a few drinks on me.

Whoa, drinks on him? Yeah. I got my own show. I got money for drinks. Yeah, and you can find him on Twitter. What's your Twitter handle? At The Ben Show, which is a mistake, by the way. Why is that?

Just because I realize now I shouldn't have my Twitter name be the name of the show. Why is that? Because if the show gets canceled? No, I don't care about that. Why would you not care about that because i think the bench is a cool you want that that'd be cool yeah no i don't want i don't want to shake it you know i'm just saying people say follow or say watch at the ben show right and they're what they're saying is watch ben hoffman you know what i'm saying so it gets confusing watch the watch at the bench show on the bench oh yeah that's like I never thought about that.

You could change it. I know people have changed it before. I changed mine, actually. There's some loser who has Ben Hoffman, and he's got 30,000 followers, and he follows 50,000 people. How does he have 30,000 followers? Because I'm sure he followed all those bots who followed him back or something. I tried to get his name from him, but it's fine. He won't give it to you?

Twitter will give it to you. Do you know that? Twitter will just steal it from that guy. Yeah, they do that for celebrities. We've got to see if we get a season two before we start stealing Twitter names. Just steal it. I think I need some more power before I get that.

You don't need a season two. What you need is Ben Hoffman's name. That's your name, right? Yeah. You're Ben Hoffman. Yeah. Fuck this guy. Is this guy really Ben Hoffman?

Is it bad that an hour in he asked my name? Huh? No, is this guy really ben hoffman is that his real name i know he claims he's ben hoffman you gotta find out when we take care of this i'll have my people get on it right now have your people move in on him yeah at the very least make him uncomfortable with a few emails yeah i did that once someone had ben hoffman.com and I threatened to sue him. And he's like, bring it on. And I didn't have lawyers. Is his name Ben Hoffman? Yeah. Oh, then you can't sue him.

I know. I threatened to. Isn't that funny? Like you would think though because you're famous, your Ben Hoffman name is worth more than his name. Well, I checked the ratings.

I'm not sure how famous I am. And how long ago was this? How famous I am? How long ago was this that the guy had benhoffman.com? Oh, before I had a show. So you weren't famous at all. I was nothing.

You're just trolling people. When I didn't have a show, I pretended to be famous. I would email him, like, listen, I'm a big celebrity, and you can't have my website. Did you really say that? Yeah, I was on another show at the time. So I was like, listen, I'm on TV, blah, blah. And they're like, we don't give a fuck. I don't care who you are.

Did you think you actually had a – like you could do something no i knew i was talking shit i was just hoping that he would get scared and be like oh shit it's yours and he was like i had half a brain and was like damn leave me alone half a brain shit that was fucking half brain i mean he had the brain i have which is you know yeah there's a guy that's on joe rogan.com and apparently i did not ask for this, and please stop doing it. But people send him horrible things, including like someone wrote some whole thing about him. He's a real estate agent. Wait a second.

He has JoeRogan.com? His name is Joe Rogan. He has JoeRogan.com? It's his name. And you're JoeRogan.net? Yes. All right. It's his name.

He wanted to sell it to me, but he wanted just some fucking ridiculous amount of money. How much? It was more than $80,000 or something like that off something crazy it was like what it's not hard to find me you know madonna won that lawsuit through google but that no it's his name his name is joe rogan but people sent him they wrote something up about don't do that brian take that off take that off come on i don't want to pick on the guy. It's just his name. The guy is a real estate guy, but people send him rude shit.

Whoever sent him rude shit, please stop. He's not a bad guy. He just doesn't want to give up his thing. So he said he would give it up for a shitload of money, and he doesn't have to give it up at all. Why should he do it for less than that? He doesn't want to. It's his business. I don't have a problem with it.

I'm with you, but saying that large amount is, to me, annoying. but i guess what he's saying is i don't want to give it up yeah he doesn't want to give it up so he says i'll give it up i don't want like a year's salary that's like you know there's nothing wrong i guess it makes sense because he's like this is how i make my money yeah it's my business if you're going to pay for my business i'll give you the name and as far as like website domains go like there's been website domain names like business.com wasn't that sold for like millions of dollars? Oh, there was a bunch of people right when the internet started who made millions. Like before that was – because that's illegal now.

Yeah. How did you not do that, Brian? That seems like something you would have jumped on, a bunch of cool domain names and sell them. I have like 30 domain names. I just don't sell them. Yeah, but I mean like a really cool one that's valuable. I have a bunch. I have –

Coca-Cola.com? Yeah, but why wouldn't you like put them out one that's valuable. I have a bunch. I have – Coca-Cola.com? Yeah, but why wouldn't you like put them out for sale like if you have a bunch? Because I think it's something that it's fun to collect kind of like old comic books, but I'm not really – Do you have any that you think could make some serious cash? Yeah, I think so. Well, one of the funniest things that Brian ever did was a thing called Pepsi Spice. Do you remember Pepsi Spice? No.

did was a thing called pepsi spice do you remember pepsi spice no pepsi spice was some fucking bizarre idea that someone at pepsi came out with where it's like it was like a holiday pepsi yeah it was like just the name sounds gross it was gross it was gross so anyway brian brian buys pepsi spice.com and puts up this daily blog of him slowly dying of horrible disease. Because I drank only Pepsi Spice for 30 days. Only Pepsi Spice for 30 days. It was one of my favorite things he's ever done. Like Super Size Me

but with Pepsi Spice. This was probably before Super Size Me. No, this was right during Super Size Me. Because I actually got it based off that. Oh, you got the idea from that. Okay. Yeah, because I was like, all right, I'm going to do something. When was that?

What year was Super Size Me? I think it was – well, this is – Pepsi Spice was like 2002, right? Yeah. It was 2004. 2004. Yeah. And it was on like all the websites.

I got interviewed for radio stations. And then it got to the point at the very end where the girl I was living with, which was Lindsay Lohan at the time, she was saying that it was really sick and dying. Dude, it was not Lindsay Lohan. No, no. That's what I said in the blog. I had about 50 questions ready to go. You didn't just clarify that. Lindsay's people are on the phone right now.

Lindsay says hi. Lindsay is over and she is helping me drink my 10th two liter. She ended up coming to LA for the day. Sprite over some Mocaine, which was when I used to say that I used to break up mushrooms and mix it with cocaine and snort it. And I used to call it Mocaine. Me and Lindsay would sit around and do Mocaine all the time. This was in the Pepsi spice blog? Yeah.

And then I ended up just dying. This was in the Pepsi Spice blog? Yeah, and then I ended up just dying. I started getting clogged armpits because there was so much Pepsi Spice that my armpits started getting this huge rash and they were getting clogged. And then Bow Wow was helping me out with money or something like that. I can't remember. It was really funny though. Here's why I like that so much too. Why is that any different than Super Size Me?

Really? Because why would you think eating nothing but McDonald's is any more or less healthy right pepsi spice it's almost mocking that movie you know a lot of people have disputed that supersize me guys claims i know it's kind of interesting um i want to you know i i would have thought that there's no way like he wouldn't be bullshitting like that there's the results wouldn't be that bad i mean it seems or would definitely be that bad. But then I watched his show. Remember he had that show 30 Days? Yeah, yeah.

I saw some fuckery in that show. No, I felt bullshit when I was watching the documentary. Like when he threw up very early in the film, I don't know if you remember. You were studying it to build your brain. Didn't that seem fake? Yeah. I never really thought of any of the show being fake because I actually watched all of his shows, like the 30 Days shows. And I actually enjoy all of them. I never really look at him like oh this is fake well no i know i know one of them is fake and this is how i know it he he did one on hormone

replacement therapy and he used my uh well he tried to use a doctor that i know and the doctor said there's no way i would ever do that he goes do you're asking for something completely unethical he goes if a guy wants to get on hormone replacement therapy, first of all, why would he want to do that in his 30s? The guy's like 33 years old in this television show. And he goes, and second of all, you don't do it in 30 days. He goes, he wouldn't even start it for months. Like before you do anything like where you give the guy hormones, you got to figure out a way how to optimize his own body's production of hormones. That's the only way to do it.

Yeah, but I'm sure there's doctors that would do it. You know Hollywood doctors? I know a Hollywood doctor that does it. You're not listening to me. But the reason why it's bullshit is because the only types of doctors that were willing to do what he was asking them to do were completely unethical. were completely unethical. So they made these conclusions on the show about what replacing your hormones are all about completely based on unethical doctors

willing to fit within their production schedule. That's an unethical show. That's a show that's bullshit. That's bullshit because, yeah, exactly what you're saying. The doctor who did it is spewing lies to be on TV to get more business. And you're spewing lies in order to produce a show within the parameters of your 30-day time it's stupid i i watched that i was going no doctor would just give you testosterone

they don't look at your test levels and say oh your levels are low uh you're 35 years old what's going on do you sleep they would start looking at you you're fat first of all you got to get all this shit out of your body okay what are you eating okay stop eating that start eating this you need to eat spinach. Drink water. They don't just give you testosterone. No, they would be crazy to do that. You're going to break the guy's system.

You would never do that. And so in the show, the guy gets angry and starts fucking... Well, somebody just shot him up with testosterone. Like, he doesn't know what the fuck is going on.

He doesn't know how to balance that in his body. He doesn't even need it. I remember watching that. I mean, I don't know if... He could be a good guy. I mean, nice guy. You know, whatever. I just remember watching, I remember watching that. I mean, I don't know if he could be a good guy, I mean, nice guy, you know, whatever.

I just remember watching the movie like, so McDonald's is bad for you? That's the takeaway from this film? I mean, that's why I like the Pepsi spice thing. It's like, no shit, if you just live on McDonald's, if you live on Pepsi spice, you're going to fucking... Exactly. It's not supposed to be something you live on every day. I don't think the president of McDonald's would say

eat at every meal every day for 30 days. Yeah, but the idea that his whole – that he was like ready to die because of it. Man, I'm not buying that. No, well, I was – a friend of mine was like – I was going to go see the movie, and he's like, that's bullshit. I was like, well, how do you know? He's like – because I was – I lived in this apartment once, and my dad had a job out nowhere, and I didn't have a car. So I had to live right by a McDonald's, andcdonald's every meal every day for like 60 days and i'm here to talk about it so what the fuck are you talking yeah oh yeah okay there's there actually is quite a bit of

criticism of that online of the that movie yeah oh i'm sure yeah supersized me is not the scathing and factual indictment of the fast food industry that Morgan Spurlock wants it to be. Yeah, there's quite a few people that looked at this and said that doesn't line up. Sponsored by McDonald's. Yeah, look, it's interesting. It's always interesting when you find out how little nutrition is in a cheeseburger. Let's look at the positives. If it gets the word out that you shouldn't eat a lot of fast food, that's a good thing.

But you don't want to do it through bullshit. We have a real sickness in this society where we need fast food. When you're in your car, fuck, let me just pull in and grab a burger real quick. I mean it's nice that you can do that. But, man, we need to figure out a way to fucking relax a little. The older I get especially when I'm running around, I need to get a coffee. I got to be here on time. Do I really need to be there on i'm running around i need to get a coffee i got to be here on time do i really need to be there on time do i really need to get a cup of coffee what i really need to do is not be as fucking busy like this this craziness of being

stuck in traffic and not being able to get home for two hours so you pull into in and out burger whatever what we all really need to do is figure out a way to never be in fucking traffic for two hours every day of the week because that's craziness and that's a big part of everybody's reality and if that's your reality then it's also possible that your reality is cheeseburgers to grab a quick meal coffee in the morning because you're fucking sleepy and you know you got to throw down a 20 ounce coffee on the way to work just to wake the fuck up that damn espresso machine i was telling you about that my parents got me that's ruining my life yeah my wife got me one for uh christmas a couple years ago i'm use it more than anything anybody's ever bought me ever,

except this Game of Thrones box. You're so lucky. I'm lucky. You're lucky. It's badass. That's really cool. Sorry. It's pretty dope.

Did your Ben Show box show up yet? Not yet. It'll be there soon. What's in it? Not season two. It's all the cum they scraped off from that show Girls. They put it in a mayonnaise jar. Imagine if you saved all your cum.

Has anyone ever done that from the time they were like a young man to today? Like, no, it's mine. Just have a jug by the bed and you jack off into it. It's weird you ask because I've done that. Isn't that weird that I'm here? Yeah. I've done it for a couple weeks growing up as a kid. A couple weeks?

Yeah, where you would have a Mountain Dew can that when you were a kid you would just throw it in. By the way, are you not joking now? No, I'm not joking. When I was younger. When I was younger, like 38. No, 16. Something like that. And you're fine with this on iTunes and Ustream and stuff?

As long as it doesn't get on Stitcher. And another thing is that what was even grosser is that I even have a bit about how I used to fuck pillows. And I would fuck my pillows all the time. And then my mom would have to take my pillowcases off. And I just remember looking at my pillowcases like, man, that looks so gross. It's just like yellow and it's gotten hard. Yeah, my housekeeper found one of my old t-shirts once. That wasn't a fun conversation.

What did she say to you? Mr. Ben. Yeah, she's like. Ben, why do you come so hard? Why is it so small? No, she just cleaned it. She's like, here's your shirt. I was like, I don't want to wear that shirt. That shirt's dead to me. That's it?

You're scared? Yeah. You're scared of the loads? Yeah. No, but that's not a shirt you wear to high school. I always thought that'd be a funny thing if, like, you're in a hurry in the morning and you just grabbed a shirt real fast and you get to school and you realize it's your comrade.

Loads shirt? Yeah, you have to wear it all day to school. Listen, why are we playing games? How is that not American? Pretending you don't jerk off. We're pretending he doesn't jerk off. We all jerk off. You might as well go to school with a fucking loads-stained shirt.

Who cares? I think I might have one on right now. I might do. What if that's a new cool thing? I'm going to come on this House Rogan shirt and bring it back tomorrow i don't give a we should wear each other's shirts what each other's shirts fuck you man you just creep me out you're wearing a higher primate shirt by the way those have been uh restocked higher primate all of them have been restocked yeah it's a dope one that's a cool shirt yeah i got a t-shirt

company it's mostly um monkeys and psychedelics that's the whole thing i love it it's called higher primate higher-primate.com i saw it on the website yeah and you do real estate too right no not anymore now um i cater only to the gay community that's something someone created like the whole pamphlet about this guy catering only to the gay community they put it out online dude that poll you're kicking ass on that poll. I think since we talked about the poll yesterday, you're now up. Oh, the poll about the trannies, the tranny MMA fighter that fights. Okay, can I get your back on that for one second?

Again, I don't like to kiss ass, but I saw that interview because I was listening to that one. David Lee Roth, that was with David Lee Roth. Yes, but I was watching the clip, but they were apparently – somebody was pissed at you about that. I don't know. But you were very – you were almost like knew that the clip was going to get out almost, and you were like very politically correct in what you said in a weird way. Like don't forget, you said transgender even. Yeah. Like there's nothing controversial about what you said.

Well, I'm not – I'm not an insensitive person you know even though i'm a comedian when i'm talking seriously about a subject if i was on stage i might say tranny but i don't want to be disrespectful to what someone's choice is if i call you a tranny i wish we were good enough friends we could fucking take it okay i wish you know that i could call you a tranny and you would uh you would you would laugh it off and just be happy to be whoever the fuck you are. But just the fact that you knew to say – because I'm learning this on Comedy Central through standards of practice what you're supposed to say and not supposed to say. You're not supposed to say tranny anymore.

You're not supposed to say tranny, but I was impressed that you said transgender, and all you said was that they shouldn't be – this woman – you even called her a woman – shouldn't be allowed to fight – or this – no, you called her a woman. You said she shouldn't be allowed to fight men. That's not fair. Yeah, well, she shouldn't be – no, she shouldn't be allowed to fight women. To fight women, yeah, I'm sorry. And by the way, she fought women without disclosing the fact that she used to be a man. Again, so that's lying. And there's doctors that are saying – this is something that we talked about this yesterday, but just in the possibility that no one heard that,

or people listening, some of you haven't heard that. There's mechanical advantages to being a man that are absolutely undeniable. The size of the hands, the width of the shoulders, the fact that you've had testosterone freely flowing through your body for 30 years. Yes, when you go on hormone replacement therapy and take estrogen, you lose bone mass. You most certainly lose some muscle mass. You definitely change physiologically and become closer to a woman. But it's not a woman. And people will say, well, what about a woman who's just naturally strong? What about like a Serena Williams, like a super athlete woman?

Okay, that is who she is. We're not talking about allowing someone to go from the most vicious and powerful sex, the male sex, and compete in a violent sport against the softer sex. There's aberrations. You can hurt people. You certainly can. But what you're – to clear it up, you were saying nothing about the transgender community. You were just saying that this particular person should not be allowed to fight women. Fight women.

That's it. Even if it's a race, if it's a game of basketball, even we joked around about there's a 50-year-old man in California that's a transgender and has joined this college basketball team and is playing women's college basketball as a 6'6", 220-pound man. He's enormous. That's insane. That's insane. It is insane. But I don't have a problem with it. No one's getting hurt. As long as he doesn't start hard fouling or bullying people or something like that

and using his size. And it seems like they all like him. I don't have a problem with it. If it was my daughter and she got hurt playing with him because he knocked her over, I might be like, hey, man, that's kind of fucked up. Yeah, an elbow to the face. Yeah, or something along those lines. But for the most part, I think in non-contact sports, it's probably – I mean I think the Olympics should probably have a standard.

I don't know what it is, if they've even figured it out yet. I think they do have it. I think it's two years. You have to – two years of hormone replacement. But I do not think that that should apply to violent combat sports. I just don't. What if Ronda rousey was like look i want to fight this trigger you know would which should or transgender

what what trigger yeah what what is that he's a man i think that's a safe word i don't even know what i mean yeah that's his safe word that's my safe uh do you think do you think she should be so should should be should that be allowed though? Like if Ronda Rousey... First of all, Ronda Rousey is obviously, if you're looking at the spectrum of powerful females, she's at the very top of the spectrum. She's a world champion woman's cage fighter.

She is a fucking legit certified badass. So this guy that became a woman was never as skilled as ronda rousey when he was a man and the the strength and the skill that ronda rousey has i'm pretty sure she'd be able to overcome some uh a transgender average person but you know what if you found out that ronda rousey used to be a man and that's why she was so badass and flipping people around. This transgender has knocked three women brutally unconscious in cage fights that did not know that she used to be a man. And she's stopping them like inside of 30 seconds. Okay. That I've watched the fight. That is not the way a woman moves. That's the way

a man moves. I'm watching the way she's beating up on these people. The mechanical advantage is still there. If you look at her, her fucking shoulders are wide. Her arms are huge. Also, the deception is a part of it. Yes. You should say who you are. Well, that's a thing.

There's a real problem in the transgender community and in the super progressive community that supports transgenders, they don't believe you should even have to disclose that you used to be a transgender when you're dating. They don't think that you should be able to – you have to disclose it for work. They don't think you should have to disclose it for competition. And I say bullshit because it's not a woman. You're saying it's a woman because they've changed into a woman and they're injecting women's hormones into it. But if you look at them chromosomally, that is an XY chromosome. That's a woman because they've changed into a woman and they're injecting women's hormones into it but if you look at them chromosomally that is an x y chromosome that's a man if you if you talk them individually they for the most part they don't like my brother's gay and knows a lot of transgenders who he calls trainees but i'm not allowed to say tranny because i'm not gay because

you know because you're white yeah exactly but suck a cock just so you could say yeah i should i i'm close suck your brother's cock and then you're done. Listen, who said I had to? Who said I had to? Just going to be honest with you. Yeah, exactly. How do you know? You don't know where my mouth has been.

But like every transgender who I've met through my brother, totally cool. They always joke about – they say tranny. They say like how I used to be. It's a joke. Right. I guarantee you all these people I'm talking about wouldn't give a shit about what you're saying. There's a lot of the people that are getting super upset are not even transgender. That's what I'm saying.

They're transgender supportive people. More of those angers. I don't think the anger is coming from my community. There's this weird left-wing anger thing going on that is where people think that if you're not progressive and you disagree with them in some way, that it's cool to call you an asshole or a caveman or a piece of shit or whatever. And I've been taking a lot of this on Twitter. It's hilarious from people where I have been nothing but supportive of everything except a man who used to be a man fighting women. That's why I'm supporting you.

That's you because you went out of your way to just say this specific person. Yeah. And you even called her a woman yeah well she's not a woman but if she wants to be a woman i'm cool with that if you want to be a her that's cool you are a transgender that's what you are and you're a transgender woman and i am totally okay with whatever you want to do for a living whatever you want to call yourself i'm okay with all of that as long as you can't beat up women because I really don't think that it's fair. So why wouldn't women's groups come to your aid and say we don't want –

I think this is a relatively new issue first of all. This is a relatively new issue. But Misha Tate, who's a high-level women's MMA fighter, has already said – she's one of the coaches on the next Ultimate Fighter. She just said she would never fight this chick. She just said she wants to – she would need to hear more about genetics and test – or body composition and testing. Well, I have – on that same – like I have gay friends who hate GLAAD. They're like – they're just taking – they're making us sound like we're prudes and stuff. They just take it too far.

Right. So like it's like – just everyone needs to calm down. Well, there's this thing in the progressive community where they're really aggressive and shitty with people that has an opposing opinion. Like, I've had disagreements with people about rules and regulations regarding cage fighting, about decisions for cage fights, and had many more people be way more polite about their disagreements. Or I felt that he won because of this reason. But hey, thanks for the forum to discuss this. Or people pretty fucking cool and rational when it comes to cage fighting fans. But people that are upset with me, that disagree with me about this tranny thing, universally have been insulting.

Almost universally. And I look at this thing. How many tweets do you think you've gotten about it? Hundreds. Were they Perez Hill? I don't know. I'm going to read the Perez hundreds just i don't know no no no put it away i don't even care but less but this has been less than how long um i don't know well we the david lee roth thing was last week but less than a week yeah well whatever it is um it's it's interesting that so many people who consider themselves sensitive left wing are also like really quick to insult you for no fucking reason like really quick even if you and even when i've responded

to them without insults you get more back asshole shithead dickwad just over and over and over again you fucking insensitive pig you know like you you well i'd be the first like i'm an honest guy i would be the first to tell you if i thought you were being insensitive or if like if you were saying shit about you know certain you know i would say i would i wouldn't bullshit you if you if i thought you're making fun of gay people or transgenders or whatever it is but that was not what you were doing that's why i'm sticking up for you well thank you but that's sort of my point my point is that there's a bunch of people in this society that aren't really outraged. What they're doing is choosing to be outraged, and they're outraged about a lot of shit. They're outraged about the state of their own life. They're outraged about the progress they have in their career, their romance, their whatever the fuck it is, their weight loss program. They're outraged about a lot of shit. about a lot of shit and when something comes along where they have the green light to be upset about things then they feel like it's there they're on twitter waiting to get upset and they feel like it's cool to like lash out it's cool it's cool to like let i'm taking a stand fuck this and fuck

that and fuck you and whoa like we're just talking about a guy who gets an operation and now is allowed to beat the fuck out of girls and i'm just saying that i know a lot about beating the fuck out of people i'm a professional cage fighting commentator i've been involved in martial arts my entire life and i know a lot of trannies and i know trannies that look like girls i I met a tranny once. She was tiny. She weighed like 100 pounds, and you would never know that this was a girl or wasn't a girl, that this was born a guy. I made that mistake a couple of times. I've had it happen a bunch of times. We had one on the man show. She called herself Vanity, and she was a beautiful man, really, really pretty.

And she also had a dick that looked like a poisoned monkey cock. It was like blackened. It was like she was slowly poisoning it by feeding it estrogen. Did it taste the same? I don't know. I didn't even – I was drunk at the time. This woman, what we had – we had this show called – this is one of the things about working for Comedy Central. I'm sure your experience is probably more positive than ours because we were coming in sort of to a pre-existing show.

Yeah, and they had a lot of ideas about what it should and shouldn't be. One of the things was we had a show called Make Me Hard. That's a previous regime in Mexico. I don't know these people. Yeah, those fucks. They're done. They're done. You're dead.

We had a show called Make Me Hard, and Make Me Hard was we would put like a box onto your cock that was supposed to recognize when you got a boner And there was a light bulb on it and light bulb would flash red whenever your dick got hard So we would have things like majors eating bananas. Of course your dick would get hard Just really ridiculous shit. So we had this woman who was yeah, she was in a bikini and I'm telling you there There's no way you would not know that she was born a man She's hot as fuck.

If you were stuck on a deserted island with her, you wouldn't even care that much as long as she kept her pants on. She's pre-op, okay? So she's on top of this guy, and she's pouring whipped cream all over her enhanced breasts, which looked amazing. The guy's sucking the whipped cream off of her breasts. Everyone's going fucking crazy. Then she pulls her fake or pulls her pants down to reveal her poisoned dick. This withered bonobo monkey dick. Looks like mine.

And, of course, then the light starts flashing like crazy. The guy's dick got hard as a rock. The audience let out one of the most tangible moans I've ever heard. One of the most visceral, down-to-your-DNA moan. As soon as the cock came out, it was like, It was just, no! Thinking about the fact this guy had just been sucking on this girl's tits. Whipping, you know, whipped cream.

Sucking whipped cream off her tits like seconds ago. All the way, by the way, he's tied up. He can't move. This box is on his cock. It's crazy because my show, they have to – is it up there? No, we're not going to do that. We did audience testing of our show, and one of the first bits I did on my show was my buddy Brian, who's gay. Not you.

You're not his buddy. There's other Brians in the world, you fuck. Yeah, exactly. You're my buddy now, but's gay. Not you. You're not his buddy. No. There's other Brians in the world, you fuck. Yeah, exactly. You're my buddy now, but he was my buddy still. He's gay, so that app Grindr where you meet guys. You know the app Grindr? Yeah. So I get on Grindr.

I try to get him laid through the app. Right. So we send the show to audience testing. This is what I heard because I never saw the results. Once the audience saw that scene, they were done. They will not watch this show. They thought the whole show was – it almost made me not go to air because the audience was like, this is a gay show. What?

Isn't that crazy to think? Wow. They couldn't – what happened – what I heard was that people stopped – they moved the meters and all that shit. People just tuned – they're done like there was funny stuff after I thought that piece is really funny which is actually airing Wow it's gonna air it is so I give him credit for airing it but they just stay tuned they're just like this is gay and I don't want the testing people to think I'm gay so I'm not going to say I like this show it's not even it wasn't even you know just a

me trying to get my buddy laid. First of all, you have to think, who's testing the show? Those are the people that don't have jobs, that they pay to sit down and watch these things, and a lot of those people are crazy. I was going to say, I give credit to the network for ignoring that data. Yeah. Which is cool of them to say, listen, these guys didn't like the show because they thought there was a gay scene, so fuck it.

I think one of the things that we've learned is that there's only one way for a unique vision to get onto television whether it's uh or in any form whether it's a movie or i mean it's got to be this one person's idea ben hoffman what do you think is funny go with it and if you're good and if you you understand social boundaries and if you understand how to display something that might be controversial and allow people to sort of see where you're coming from they'll accept it or enough people will accept it and then also they'll gravitate towards it they'll go hey this ben hoffman this guy's for real his show is that was the i appreciate that that was the whole vision of the

show which is people always ask me like how'd you get this show on there it's crazy you got this fucking thing on there how'd you do it and I'm not making this up when I say this. The goal of the pilot, because I was getting a lot of – starting to get more writing gigs, and I wanted to get better writing gigs. So I decided I'm going to make a pilot that's just to get me better writing. I'm saying this to be completely honest. I don't want the show to get picked up. That was my mode of thinking. I go, I want to make the craziest pilot ever that people will see in the industry and say who the fuck is it i got to meet this guy we can't air this is unairable right i got that

note at one point this is unairable and it was it was it was not like it was not for air it's just going to be totally me so instead of having to send writing samples i could send this commie central pilot out to people and then make me seem more legit then i get a call like oh shit ben you're not gonna believe this They fucking love the pilot. Which is great. But at the time, it was not even a goal of mine, which is almost the best way to do it, which is I'm not going to listen to fucking

anything. Kent is a guy running things over there, and he's really into individual voices, which is what I'm hoping the show... There's a lot of that stuff going on over there, and I can't alter me. And he's been fucking great.

He's like, do your thing. He gives me notes that make the show and I'm not saying this to his ass because he's probably not listening. Although hopefully someone will give this to him. He's giving me notes that makes the show more me. So he's going through the thing.

I'm really in a, I'm hoping people watch the show, obviously, so I can keep doing it. But I'm really in a rare place where I can do the exact, there is nothing I've done on this show that I don't want to do. That's perfect. That's the only way to do a show, right? It really is.

Someone has to get you, think you're talented, and then support you. The problem, the only downside is, when like these Twitter things and that comes in, it's extra, I have to ignore it of course but they really are insulting you like if you go on when you go on stage and do your stand-up and then people don't like it and it's harder different than you because people are coming in they're paying money because they like your show but if you put yourself out there like on your like stand-up specials you

know and people don't like it they are insulting you as a person right it's like when if they insult my show they're insulting me right like my my actual dad's on the show you know but that's good i love it i mean it took me a couple weeks to get used to it i'm not gonna lie yeah to read that shit and get used to personal because all the stuff i'd done was like i was part of a show or writing on a show producing a show being having a small part on a show so to have my name in the show and – you don't think about the time because there's no live studio audience. But to do a show kind of with my friends and kind of on my own, do my own, put myself up out there for everyone to see. Again, without a live audience, you just don't know. And then a couple months later it airs.

It's like, wait a second. I really fucking put myself out there. Well, you have to do that though because that's the honest reaction that's the people that aren't paid and some of them are going to be assholes they're going to hate everything but the other ones have good points and they make it better exactly and also but if if let's say if 60 of the people like it that's still it's plenty audience oh yeah it's more than enough it's more than plenty and if hate it, you can't make everybody happy. Exactly. Well, I've learned that at the heart.

There's music that I love that I've talked about on the podcast, and I'll get people fucking hate tweeting me. That fucking emo pussy shit or whatever. People get sensitive about me. Yeah. One of my favorite bands, Honey Honey, that we've had on the podcast a bunch of times, every time we have them on, I get a fucking hundred hate tweets from cunts. There's a bunch of people out there that are just miserable. And the crazy thing is these are people who just listen to your show. Yeah.

And they want to just – so they're fans insulting one particular – There's always going to be that, especially because the anonymity of the internet and the fact that they can just interact with you through text on a screen. There's very little reason to be kind. There's very little, like, reason to be kind. There's very little... It's weird. I saw one of your tweets the other day, and it stuck with me. I was... Because I was reading...

Like, you know, I got to stop reading this shit, I think. Although it's sometimes fun to read, even insults. But you're... What did you say? You saw Oz? Oh, The Wizard of Oz. Yeah. The new Oz movie.

The new Oz, yeah. And you're like, got bad reviews. Just a reminder that most critics are sad cunts. Isn't that what you said? Yeah. Something like that? It just reinforced my notion, my belief that most critics are sad cunts. I'm like, huh, that makes me feel bad.

Like that tweet calmed me down for about 30 to 35 seconds. The reality is most people are critics who are critics because they don't have anything to contribute. They're not artists. They wanted to be artists. Almost every critic wanted to be something artistic, whether it's a writer or whether it's – they wanted to do screenplays or novels. And in fact, some of them have and failed. They're not the right people for the job. The only right people for the job are regular people, not people who get paid.

The audience, yeah. Well, and don't get me wrong. I wasn't making – like when an Asian woman crosses the street and you see me hit a gong, like I wasn't going, this is critics gold, man. This is like people are going to – You're just trying to be funny. And all I'm – the whole point of the show is just comedy. That's all it is.

You know, we do that in stand-up and we do that on a podcast. You don't – you're not always saying things because it's supposed to be the most brilliant thing ever. You just – you know what the funny thing to say is. You know what the funny thing to do is. Yeah. I mean this is – I like these kind of – like on these kind of podcasts where I don't have to be funny all the time. Again, I'm knocking it dead if that's the case. But when you have time, you want to make a show, you just want it to be funny.

You're not thinking about like, well, this reached the artistic – it's just like fucking be funny. Playing to the back of the room like that is super dangerous. Will this reach the artistic – it's just like fucking be funny. Playing to the back of the room like that is super dangerous. That's like some UCB shit where you see comics that will survive there but they go anywhere else and they eat a fat plate of dicks. The reason why is because you're trying to be this like really eccentric, playing to the back of the room, inside joke, very verbose, very articulate. You're trying to appeal to the critics. I've noticed that recently. To me, the death of comedy is cool.

People trying to be cool is killing comedy. There's just so much of that shit nowadays. It's like those cool indie bands. There's just so much coolness. Trying to be cool. There's certain people that are just cool. You can't help it.

Chris Rock is cool. What are certain people that are just cool and it just is who they are. Like Chris Rock is cool. Right. What are you going to do about it? Exactly. Perfect example. Dave Chappelle is cool. Exactly.

He's a cool guy, but he knows how to bring – I'm not saying you can't be cool. I'm just saying – Can't try to be cool. That's what the – these people are worried about making an ass out of themselves. Right. They're getting in the way of their comedy by trying to be cool. Well, there's that thing, too, where they criticize... My show is uncool.

There's that thing, too, where they criticize physical comedy and they criticize anybody who tries too hard. They criticize anybody who's animated on stage. Like, oh, he's one of those comics. You're like, what? An entertainer? Someone who's actually funny?

I was watching Jim Carrey on this interview the other day and he was... This inside comedy show on Showtime is actually pretty good. And he was talking about how Ace Ventura came out and like obviously it's not the critics critics don't go hey go see Ace Ventura but he's he got calls from Steve Martin and like all his favorite comics were coming up to him and telling him like other comics are saying god this movie's brilliant and he was like I can who gives a fuck about right you know Steve Martin called me on my phone, like my favorite comedian, called me and said –

He called you? No. Listen to what he's saying, you fuck. I'm Jim Carrey right now. Jesus Christ, Brian. No. Pay attention. Steve Martin didn't call me.

But it would be cool if people tuned in right now. He just woke up. Steve Martin called you? What? Who are you? That's what happens. You're fucking playing solitaire over there, you fuck. Whatever you do.

But now I take it personally. Maybe I'm being so fucking boring. Listen, man. You're not going to – your art, whatever it is, whether it's a TV show or a stand-up comedy act, it's a work in progress. You're always improving it and you're constantly getting better. And part of the input is criticism, whether it's positive or negative, the input of the audience, whether it's laughter or people sending you text messages saying you suck. Which criticism hurts you the most though? Is there any that hurt you at this point or no it shouldn't hurt you if it what hurts me i'm telling you what hurts me is when they're right

that's what hurts me yeah if i if i did something where i knew it was lazy or i did something where i half-assed it if you tell me something sucked and i'm like okay you say it sucked i just heard a thousand people laugh their asses off and they enjoyed it and I like that kind of comedy. Okay, that's all fine. You could say it sucks. This is not your style. I know what I'm doing. I know my style.

I know what I enjoy doing. What would bother me and what has in the past is when someone would say something and I knew that they were right. I hadn't been working hard enough at something or it was lazy or the bit was a cheap ending to the bit or whatever, something like that. But those have been super important over the years. That negative criticism oftentimes helps you more than anything. That's interesting. I never thought about it like that because that – I'll bet there's some that really stung and got me really pissed

because they were probably true. How much stand-up do you do? I don't do stand-up. OK. That's the thing. See, when you're doing stand-up do you do? I don't do stand-up. Okay, that's the thing. Yeah. See, when you're doing stand-up, you're constantly getting reactions from the crowd. You're constantly getting input. Well, I mean, I did a lot of, you know, I did sketch all the time.

So I was, you know, I've been in front of those non-laughing audiences. So that's just an important part. Similar, but the difference being, of course, that when you're a stand-up, you're completely on your own up there. Exactly. And you've got nothing to talk about other than what's inside your head and trying to relay these ideas to the audience and some people can do it and some people can't and some people can do it some days and can't do it the other days and when especially when you

start out there's a long process from the time you first start out to the time when you're like a legit headliner 10 years in plus and along the way you have to bomb you literally there's no way to do it right every time you're gonna fuck up you're gonna be insecure you're gonna get in a fight with your girlfriend you're gonna fucking have a bill that you have to pay that's on your mind there's gonna be a lot of shit and you're gonna have to learn how to navigate and negotiate every one of those particular situations yeah i mean i that's kind of why i didn't get into state up just because i just i just knew first of all i didn, it's not what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to do TV, so I didn't want to be one of those guys who did stand-up to try to get something else out of it.

Right. But, like, I just knew I wouldn't be good at it. You know, it wasn't my thing. So that's why I started doing the writing and all that. I wanted to work my way into TV, although my TV is kind of you know that's my stand-up which is me putting myself out there well there's a lot of people that have become like sort of internet stand-ups you know like they do like youtube videos and shit and they they're like they'll have like a million hits on them and you'll find it and and they're just a funny guy who's got a

take on something going to the movies or this or that and i think you don't need to only do it live in front of an audience with a microphone it It's just that's what I like. That's my – I enjoy it. But I could totally see a bunch of different outlets for kind of the same thing. It's like what is your point of view? What is your way to create a product, whether it's a video or an audio clip, whatever it is that you think is good. I just went – when people ask me to do live stuff, i just do this one bit that i have from my show live and

so i went and saw stand-up saturday like i forgot how fun it is to watch like funny stand-up it's fucking great yeah i just go very rarely i mean my favorite uh i don't know that i've ever laughed harder than watching norm mcdonald do stand-up he's he's he's he's my favorite stand-up to watch very funny guy he's an awesome guy he has a new podcast too with adam from uh timpy improv oh does he really yeah oh that's great man he wants to come on the show i think fuck yeah he's on the show by the way um and uh but just watching just knowing i can't do or as a kid watching richard pryor movies like i can never fucking do that. You could do that. That's not true.

It's just a matter of time. Richard Pryor wasn't good when he started out either. Nobody was. You start out and you sort of figure it out. It's like anything else. What do you choose? Yeah, I don't. But, yeah, I'm happy where I am.

So I don't want people to think like I'm a bitch in a moment. I don't think anybody does. Well, I kind of do. Do you? Yeah. The thing about you receiving feedback though from the audience, it's just you're not getting that feedback every weekend in a club. So when you're doing it, you're putting together,

you're editing it, and boom, throwing it out there, and then you get the feedback. So it's more of a slow reaction to the work. But you get it all at once you get that night right and then it kind of slows down then every thursday night i get we also a new guy too the new guy thing is like who's this fucking new guy yeah i've noticed that over the even over three weeks i've watched it dissipate which is very a good sign for me i've watched it like the haters leave they don't watch every week they're just like you interrupted my fucking

favorite show with your dumb shit. I hate you. They go away. Then the people who like it stick around. Even me, it's hard for me to get used to a new show and a new guy. Of course. It takes a while. Yeah. It's really hard to get into new shows.

There's a better selection of shows to watch now, though, than I think I've ever been before. And also there's a new show after mine called Nathan For You, starring Nathan Fielder, which is another really funny show. Same kind of thing. He's just being himself. And we're both kind of in the same boat, which is a new night, new faces, new comedians.

What is it called, Nathan? Nathan For You. It's really funny. Nathan For You. He takes on small businesses and gives them business advice, but he kind of doesn't know what he's doing. It's really –

That's a good idea. Yeah, you should watch it. It's really good. And his name – his last name is Nathan what? Fielder. Fielder. Yeah, so me and him have our – I'm at 10. He's at 10.30 Thursday.

So it's kind of this new night of comedy for Comedy Central with two unknown guys. So it's a slow build, but they're – Bringing back the Cosby. I think that it's so important to have new faces. I think it's so important to have new ideas. Like your show, I love the idea of the hybrid between

a reality show and scripted shit but funny. That clip was great. I'm really looking forward to watching your show now because of that one clip. That's like... You showed a clip. You tweeted a clip about my show. I don't looking forward to watching your show now because of that one clip. Like that's like – it's really – Well, you showed a clip. You tweeted a clip about my – I don't even know if you knew it was my show. That last text ad thing.

Didn't you tweet that? What was it? The wheelchair tweeting – talking about the last text he ever sent. Did you send that? I believe so. About the titties? Yes. That was my – that's from my show.

Oh, okay. You didn't even know. So you're watching it and you don't even know you're watching it. That's good, man. Yeah. That's a good sign. Yeah. So people are watching it and tweeting about it oh you don't even know so you're watching it you don't even know you're watching it that's good man yeah that's a good sign yeah so people are watching it and tweeting about they don't even know my name that's awesome man yeah that's really cool including joe rogan well it's beginning you know i mean that's everybody starts from uh beginning point and you're you're you're off to the races yeah no i'm psyched about but i think it's cool that comedy central is trying like new ideas and taking new chances like that.

Yeah, that's what I was saying about the new regime. It's like a lot of the same guys over and over again, and you're getting a lot of stale shit. Yeah, I mean, you know that old regime. I didn't know any of those people. This is how bad it was. You know the show Make Me Hard that I told you about? Yeah. They wouldn't let us use the word hard.

The argument was it's too mean or too vulgar let's make it make me stiff and i go are you fucking serious i go are we really having this conversation you're really telling me that make me stiff is less offensive than make me hard you would like us to change the sign yes that's how we feel just women yeah nutty nutty crazy fucks. This was post-9-11 boners, right? That was even before the Janet Jackson thing. The Janet Jackson thing happened in the middle of Doug and I doing the man show. Oh, shit. That's no good.

That was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. I thought that was going to have no effect. I was like, why would anybody give a fuck? She pulls her tit out in the Super Bowl, whatever. But meanwhile, these people were scrambling. We showed up on the set on Monday, and we had to have a special meeting where they killed like half of our fucking monologues, half of our things. That was a crazy time, huh? You know what it was?

A bunch of weasels who were worried about losing their jobs, so they started scrambling to appease the world. And then the advertisers are going, what is the, the people, the American people are outraged at television. Oh, we're going to soften everything up. Oh, I want to keep my job and I want to keep my nice house and I want to buy a boat.

So we're going to polish it up and we're going to, we're going to give the American people what they want, what do they want? They want no tits? Okay, no tits? No tits!

So we had the man show and we had all these nutty fucking sketches that we wanted to do and all this craziness and naked people and shit. No, no, no, no, no. They started hacking at it, everything controversial. That's crazy. I remember at that Lou Reed Walk on the Wild Side, they edited that song for radio after the Janet Jackson thing.

That song had been airing for 30 years on the radio. Oh, God. And they took out a line from that song on the radio and Lou Reed fucking flipped. What was the line that it took out? There was a line that slipped in there about something giving head. Yeah, she's giving head.

It's never been... Giving head. Hey babe, take a walk. And it had been airing on the radio, on regular rock stations, perfectly fine for 30 years after Janet Jackson's boob. They edited it. Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

There's a weird clamp down in this world today. And I think part of it has to be attributed to the fact that people know that the world is insane. And the more they can sort of tighten things down and regulate and stop and no assault guns and no drugs and no swearing and no – and the more like control that they can have over people, what they do, them to believe somehow or another, they've got at least a small hold on this fucking craziness that's in front of them, which is the human species right now. I mean, you look at the internet and you see what the fuck people are really all about. Yeah.

Trust me. I've been there. It's loads and heads getting cut off and car accidents and fucking lion attacks. That's the internet. God damn it. It's 30% porn. My first buddy who got, got the, got the internet. I remember going, he's like, dude, the first thing I saw on the internet, goddammit. It's 30% porn. My first buddy who got the internet,

I remember going, he's like, dude, the first thing I saw on the internet is look at this, a guy's head inside a vagina. Yeah. I'm like,

dude, I don't know what the internet is, but I'm already on board. I like this. I like where this business is going. I want stock. Yeah, you can find out a lot of things

that are possible that you were like, there's no way. Come on. Porn represents 30 percent of the internet i find that that even sounds small yeah i was gonna say but that's a lot no someone someone gave me a list someone gave me a list of the uh the top i think it was we were doing trying to figure out marketing or something for the show and the list of the top

websites in the world. It was the craziest. I knew everyone. It was like – I'm not even kidding. Twelve of the twenty. It was like Pornhub and then like five down CNN.com. It was like stuff that I found out about later like X Hamster. Have you ever heard of X Hamster? Yes, of course.

X Hamster was like number three or something and like Google was below. Like it was insane. Yeah, the real porn or the real internet. That's where the real money is. Quite shocking. Yeah, the internet, if you think about it, is – I mean 30 percent is like a weird number. But if you stop and think about what it really means, it's almost a third, 33 percent. I still think that's a conservative number.

But even let's say it is a third. Is it? You really do? One out of three? I think it's a conservative number, but even let's say it is a third. Is it? You really do? One out of three? I think it's higher than that. One? You think most – internet traffic, more than one out of three is porn. Just from the numbers I've seen before.

That's just you. But I'm saying – yeah, for me it's 90. But you know you're wrong. You know there's something wrong with you. Of course. I know. I've got issues. But you know that you don't represent most people.

No, I think because I'm open about it, I'm probably not as dark as most people. Most people, it's probably 98. Well, comedians are one of the few that are allowed to talk freely about beating off without fear of losing our jobs too. That's true. But let's say it is a third. Even that's crazy to think that one-third of the time spent on the internet is looking at porn. That's insane. I think it is a third.

I think a third is probably – or 30 percent. Well, if you think about it, you have to use internet so much for email or work stuff, and there is a lot of regular stuff you have to do. So maybe that is right. I don't know. We're definitely entering into some weird area where people are trying to slow down free expression. I think – Oh, there's some debauchery out there man i mean i listen when you go on those porn sites and you hit the wrong button which i've done many times or maybe maybe it's the right but i was gonna say a lot of night some nights it's the right button holy man have i seen some like how i didn't curse on that one

yeah i've seen some crazy shit on uh uh most of which uh of which I'd rather not talk about because it led to masturbation. Well, it's interesting how – OK, if that's true, that's 30 percent of the internet. Let's assume that's true. And then those people who are watching this porn on this massive amounts of downloads and all this stuff, they're going to regular jobs where they have to be restricted. They're going to regular jobs where they have to – So maybe the 30 is right. But again, that's a lot. It's a lot.

But the idea is that when they're at work or when they're interacting with people for the majority of the time, they have to suppress all of that. Like all of that is inside their head but the internet doesn't represent how you communicate in the corporate world. It doesn't communicate – it doesn't represent how you communicate in your average everyday experience. You're like way more like conservative, way more buttoned down, way more like suppressed. Well, that's why I love comedy because – not to go back to my show, but we do a bit on the show where we have a barbershop quartet countdown the top internet porn videos of the week. So like you would come into our office and the writers and the producers are all around

just watching porn to find the best titles. That's a job. We get paid for that just to look at funny porn titles. I fucking love it. Yeah, and there's some really fucking funny ones, man. We were talking about Annabella Chong yesterday who was the first woman to do a gangbang. And she actually did it

because she was um she was a uh a woman studies uh student i believe at a usc and she was uh trying to uh trying to figure out like uh like what's she wanted to be like a female stud like the female version of a stud so she fucked like 69 dudes in movies but when you look at like her. What year was this? It wasn't that many years ago. 95? At the age of 22 she became

famous by engaging in 251 sex acts with 69 women or 69 men rather over a 10 hour period with the resulting footage being promoted as the world's biggest gangbang huh yeah but they're the names of the titles were fucking hilarious um yeah no we have some my favorite was um the my favorite one that we of course we i don't know you have to believe it it was chubby honey has a bushy pussy chubby honey has a bush and hearing a bar Chubby Honey Has a Bushy Pussy.

Hearing a barbershop quartet singing is pretty great. But just, I mean, you can't write anything funnier than that. Yeah. I'm trying to find her. When I was in San Diego, this is what was on the TV at the Hovertower Room, Joe. Ass Factor. Is that Asa? Asa?

It looks like. Probably is her. She takes it up the butt all the time. Yeah, they could probably go to jail for that. For that you stealing fear factors thing. But that's, they always have really funny names. Like here's one that she was in, Annabelle Chong. Sergeant Pecker's Lonely Hearts Club Gang Bang.

I would watch that right now. Here's another one. What's a nice girl like you doing in an anal movie? Legitimate question. Yeah. Anal queen. I can't believe I did the whole team. Whoops.

Yeah, man. There was no gang bangs when I was a kid. There's a really good porn I would recommend. It's called Tonight's Girlfriend. And it's this guy that just like pays porn stars to be hookers for the night wow and he makes a video out of it yeah that sounds a little bit like that boogie night scene a little bit where she stops in the limo on the side of the right on the street yeah it's kind of like like he makes them shower uh at

the beginning of everything really yeah what's it called it's called i believe it's called tonight's girlfriend and the reason i like it is not that? I believe it's called Tonight's Girlfriend. And the reason I like it is not because of that. It's just filmed. He does a good job filming it. You like the cinematography. Yeah. I mean, some people just have better.

I like good cinematography, so I'll check it out. Wow. And this guy, is it a website? I don't know if it's a website. I've just seen a few of the videos online. So a lot of those girls will work as escorts, right? Is that how it works? I think he – I think the idea is that they're not really – they're playing escorts for the movie or at least most of them.

But then if you think about that, they're actually getting paid to have sex. So they're actually being – so that's really confusing. You're kind of a prostitute anyway. Yeah, so. Kind of. Well, I read one girl saying that. being so now you kind of you're kind of a prostitute anyway yeah so kind of well i read one girl saying that she was i read an article about a um a brothel one of those nevada brothels and it was a porn star started working at the brothel and her attitude was well porn's just sort of like a revolving brothel anyway i was like oh it's true yeah i mean why how is it not true

yeah and it was weird like listening to her talk about her attitude towards it like as long as she gets to go home to her man she was fine she was talking about that like so then the guy was asking well do you do like weekend trips do you do that and she goes well it would have to be a ridiculous amount of money to keep me from my man oh my god honey i'm sorry i gotta to go make a couple Gs sucking some cock. But when I come back, I'm going to buy you a motorcycle. I would take that deal. Would you?

Yeah. You say that now, man. Yeah, no, I would not be able to do that. Now, we had an escort on the show, and I was asking her, like, what the difference is between an escort and a prostitute. And what'd she say? She's like, nothing. Well, this escort, did they blur out her face? No, we got to be shorter. Oh, man. And she said, I'm a basically, she goes, I'm just a prostitute. What'd she say? She's like, nothing. Well, this escort, did they blur out her face? No, we got to be showed her.

Oh, man. And she said, I'm a basically, she goes, I'm just a prostitute. Wow. Yeah, the difference is a cameraman. Yeah, she's allowing you to film. But we got her number

through legitimate sources. You know, it was like online. That's a legit prostitute source. No, no, from escorts. Escorts are legit. Oh, yeah. Yes, we got an escort. She comes over.

So she's just like, yeah, I'll fuck you for whatever. How hot was she? She was attractive. I web chatted with her with my dad on the show. Yeah. I showed her to my dad. My dad's like, you know, that's a very attractive. So you never met her in person?

You just web chatted? No, no. Me and her web chatted with my, called my dad back in Kentucky. Oh, so you were there right next to her. Yeah. You called your dad. Wow. She was attractive.

My dad even said as much and she was a prostitute. Did she try to hook it up with you? No. She knew I didn't have – she knew it was a young show, and I didn't have the cash that she was looking for. How much cash is she looking for? What did she say? Well, here's the thing. You don't want to go down that road because all of a sudden you're –

Jim Norton? I can't speak for him. Don't speak for him. He's not shy. It felt like it would have been odd. Also, I'm kind of a pussy. I didn't want to do it. I get freaked out by germs and stuff.

Oh, you're one of those guys. I thought it would be weird to have sex with an ass. When you first meet a girl and before you get busy, do you start asking questions? I ask them in subtle ways. I don't ask them – like if you ask a girl that, you get kind of a slap if you're – Really? Not a slap, but apparently you don't. But just kind of like, do you like to party?

Do you like Coke? Yeah, exactly. I try to figure out like do you just smoke or like other things that would like lead them to a road of debauchery. Right. What would you feel like if you were with a girl for a long time and then you found out a few years back she did a gangbang movie? But she quit. It was a bad experience. I would flip out.

I mean what about – I would flip out. You would flip out? Totally. Would you be mad at her? No, not mad. I would just – I don't know that I could be with her. But what if she was awesome other than that? What if like up until that moment, this chick's the perfect chick?

Did she go through a lot of therapy after the gangbang? Nope. She just realized, you know what? Gangbangs are not for me. I'm moving on. We should hang out sometime. I'm going to start teaching yoga. Gangbangs. You just wake up some morning, gangbangs are not for me. Maybe you do. It's possible.

My friend Dave, I told you, crashed his car and never had a drink again. Went to a little bit of court-ordered alcoholics anonymous. That's true. But I think other than that – You know what? In your scenario, in this scenario that she's a completely new person, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Are you really? I mean not really, but I just – and theoretically.

But if you went down on her and tasted a little extra salty, would you worry that it's just some load creeping out of the gangbang that had been camping up there for a while? I would check myself in the emergency room and stay there. I stay there for probably two years and i would pay for it all my all myself yeah you couldn't watch right you wouldn't want to watch the gangbang but if someone told you about it do you enjoy even watching gangbangs in general me no yeah i'm not a gangbang i'm not even a two-on-one sort of a guy i don't like watching that either that whole thing i gotta be i think it's people to talk to. I think it's guys like us who are more open talking about porn who probably watch it the least. Maybe.

I don't know. Maybe. I think it's the people who are quiet about it who are the real sickos. Probably the least fucked up watching it. But then I have daughters, so porn took on a completely different dimension. Oh, that's going to fuck with you, yeah. I have daughters, so porn took on a completely different dimension since I've had kids. This is a weird thing where you're looking at a porn like you know for a fact that that used to be a baby. That was someone's little girl.

That was someone, oh, daddy, and hugging onto you, and now she's getting plugged in the ass and the mouth, and she's gagging. That's reality, man. I mean that girl – You put it too poetically. She's got her tongue out and some dude is just fucking jizzing all over her face. That used to be a baby. She's a good girl. There's no way to get around that.

And when you have babies of your own, it totally fucks with your vision of it. I guess. Yes, that's why I don't want to have kids because I want to keep watching. I want to keep checking off the porn. That's when dudes move on to MILFs. See, the guys who are really into MILFs it's like you can't even think about them

being a baby anymore because the bitch is like 40 and only likes black guys now. Have you noticed that when you watch porn though that's like it's like every video

is a different girl but it's like four or five guys total and all the same guys it's the same guys over and over. They say a lot of that

because it's hard to do. Like it's hard for guys to get it up in front of strangers and cameras like and know that people are going to watch your dick and be comfortable and you say you could you think you could seriously yeah please you panic when you stand up a little half a little bit of black power in me i'm fine yeah you say People find out how small your dick really is. They'd be like, what the fuck, Brian? You said it was big. Jesus, what's wrong? You don't tell the truth about anything, you fuck. I never said it was big. That's all I've been in here.

But he said he could do porn. No, I said it was above average. Somebody please, that's big. That's not big, just a little above average. What's average to you? What's the average dick that you sucked? I would say like five. Honestly, though, not even as a joke, how would you know what average is nowadays?

Because the only dicks you see are on porn, and those are guys who are professional. The only dicks you see. Yeah. This dude is always asking people to show their dick. So he's got to see my dick. No, I did not. Constantly going around measuring them. Hold on.

I'm trying to get out my tape. I definitely have the internet, so I've seen all kinds of dicks. That's what I'm saying. In your defense, you're seeing the cream of the crop. You're seeing the best dicks in the world. The juiciest, most delicious, kosher. You're seeing the guys who get paid for those dicks.

So don't compare yourself to that. Talk amongst yourselves. I've got to pee. I see mostly comics dicks nowadays. Oh, those are probably small then, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. So you're on your fifth or sixth episode of the show?

You've really been listening, man. Jesus Christ. You know. How many? Third. Third episode, yeah. Third episode. Five more.

But how many have you recorded? Oh, we're done. I actually came from the editing studio just now to wrap the last one. We're wrapped as of today. Right. And we're done with all eight. Now, the clip that we saw was completely uncensored, like the language and everything like that. Are you getting the beep treatment?

We're getting the bleeps, but you can watch them all. Most of the clips are uncensored online. I wasn't talking to the mic. most of the clips are uncensored online wasn't talking to them like most of the clips are uncensored online and there's a pasta there's some talk I don't want to say yet that we may be able to show some uncensored versions late at night or midnight yeah all right I don't know what the rule is but I don't want to promise anything but there's has been chatter about that so I want to get a buzz going about it, but I don't want it to be official. Yeah. Well, I mean, South Park did it.

You know, they did their movie. South Park, you know, they, and also South Park is TVMA because they were just like, we don't want it. You can't air TVMA before 10, which is, you know, they say shit and fuck and stuff.

So you can only air the new South Parks after 10. But they said they don't give a, you know, they say shit and fuck and stuff. So you can only air the new South Park's after 10. But they said they don't give a, you know, we don't care. Because those early reruns are, what's going on? Joe couldn't get through the curtain. We have these new curtains in the studio. And, like, it's just like, you know, where you have to try to find the opening of a curtain. Yeah, the Joe Rogan experience without Joe Rogan is a little weird. Are you like the kind of person you don't like to shake people's hands and stuff like that?

That doesn't bother me as much anymore. I mean it used to. What about ass play? Ass play is different because that's a nice clean ass. You wiped it and everything. Maybe. Wiped it is not really cleaning it well. Imagine if someone smeared shit on your face and you just took a little piece of toilet paper and wiped it off.

No. That wouldn't really work, yeah. You'd be like, let me really clean this shit. Really? It's really a shower is the only way to clean it. Yeah. You've got to get in there. Well, I've got one of those Japanese toilets.

I still haven't fucking installed it yet because I'm so goddamn busy. But one of the ones that you and I experienced. Right. Yeah. I've got one from the studio too. I've always wanted to try one. It's the best. Is it cool?

Ha! I should have had it here for you. You just stay on the toilet longer though. You find yourself, you just want to feel the water squirted in your ass and you just don't want to stop. God, I need one. If I get a season two, that's my first purchase. It's really warm.

Yeah. The seat's warm and it blows air on your asshole after it cleans it. I think I heard Stern talking about that. It's a whole thing where it like goes up and the whole thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a laser that finds your butthole and it shoots it. I think I heard Stern talking about that. It's a whole thing where it, like, comes up and the whole thing is... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It finds your butthole and it shoots it right in there. Yeah, this has reminded me to go get that fucking thing out of my garage and have it installed here.

Fuck yes. Why do I have it installed here? Yeah, if you've got it installed. Well, we're almost... The studio's almost done. We've got the curtains up now. Ben Hoffman, you're here to break in the curtains. Yeah, I'm here.

This is exciting. Feels like show business, right? Curtains. Something about show business. It's about time. We've got the big animal outside no that's a werewolf buddy it's not an animal it's a werewolf we got buddha we got everything yeah it's cool joe there's a song that i really want to play but i don't know if we should play but you remember that dance floor dale yeah uh song there's another guy uh that makes us made a song his name is uh mike diva

and it's called i'm on crack and it's just like that and it's so fucking good a song that's like registered like or is it on the on youtube you know i think he's just one of those guys that's on youtube that just makes these cute little like minute videos basically really good as long as it's not like on like universal records or something like that you know or some big record company yeah say what it's from. He just does like a weekly video. You think we could do it? You think we could play it? He probably would like it.

Let's just play it. What's his name again? His name's, on YouTube, it's Mike Diva. It's all one word. Free promo. You know,

a million people are going to listen to it. It's easy. Yeah. So it's kind of fucked up that we even have to, you know, like we should, anything that's good,

we're helping people, but you have to worry. The internet is in this weird area. Have you had problems with that? No, but we have insurance for it, and we also have lawyers now. Let's play half of it. Show something of it, yeah. We're also signing up to a couple programs.

If everybody left it right, break it down. Back in 79. The Jambaloo G in 1992. I did the Chris Fall in 2008. Oh, you've got gotta see this. Lower that a break, break. Break, break, break, break. Break, break, break, break. Your favorite song. Okay, hold on, hold on. This show is, this music is unlistenable. It's so bad.

But the video is really fascinating. Actually, Mike Diva just made the video. The song is by a side project called The Left Right Rights Mindless Self-Indulgence Side Project. I mean in this particular environment. That's mainly visuals. That video is impossible to listen to. It's got cats and crack. I love it.

Well, the video is hilarious. I can't stop listening to it. How many views? 1.8 million. Oh, that fucker. Yeah, I just love that that's possible. That a guy could just put out a video and it's – why does it have 1.8 million? Because a bunch of people said you got to see this. It's pretty wild to watch.

Yeah. Well, that's Super Mario. Yeah, it's great. It's a great video, man. It's a great video. I like the song. I may buy it right now. Isn't it weird how when you go to a video and you see it's got 18 million views, you're like, what the fuck?

How do I not know about this? Yeah, who are these people? Well, I've seen the ones with the 100 million views. You're like, what the fuck? How do I not know about this? Yeah, who are these people? Well, I've seen the ones with the 100 million views. I'm like, how's that even possible? Gangnam Style. What did that get up to? A billion? Yeah, it's a billion.

It's in the billion. This Mike Diva, actually all his videos have a lot of hits because he – That really has a billion views? Yeah. And what are we now? 2.5 billion about total? Humans? Yeah. Whoa, more than that. Seven. We're at seven. Seven? Seven billion. Yeah. What are we now? 2.5 billion total? Humans?

Yeah. Whoa, more than that. Seven. We're at seven. Seven? Seven billion, yeah. No, 2.5. I was thinking maybe America, right?

No, America, 300 million. Where did I get 2.5? This guy is laughing at me. You made it up. Unless you live in the 50s. I'm from the 50s. I'm in a type 3. You just gave up your hand. It's 7 billion people in the world?

Yes. Well, there's a billion in China alone. That's true, yeah. There's more than a billion in Africa. Africa is 1.5 billion. I did know there was a billion. Yeah, so okay, I fucked up. Yeah, it's getting...

At least it's not... At least it won't be recorded for life. It's getting crowded like a motherfucker in here. That's a lot of people. All right, so maybe Gangnam Style is not that popular. Well, it's really fucked up. Only one- It's not really a billion people.

It's 500,000 assholes who've watched it repeatedly ad nauseum. No, but on different computers though because it has to be different. I think it has to be different servers. Really? Do you think YouTube really gives a fuck where the hits are coming from? They would want to elevate that. They had that problem before because people were putting their videos up and just pressing refresh all day and night to get their counts up. Really?

It tracks the IP address. So it only counts as one view if you go to it. Like if you watched it here and at home, it would count as two. Oh, okay. But if we had different computers at this IP address, then it would count as one. Correct. Okay. That makes sense.

They're a step ahead of you. So that is still – that's a very – There's ways around that. How do you get around? You use – Use proxies – There's ways around that. There's ways around that. How do you get around? You use – Use proxies. Yeah, proxies. You just get this list of proxies.

They must have had to do that though for advertising purposes because they sell advertisement now. That makes sense because they do it by CPM, by how many downloads they get. Totally. Yeah, if you buy – if you say you've got millions of views and some company buys your shit and it's just some dude clicking it over and over, they're going to be pissed. Have you thought about doing a podcast at all? I thought about – I don't know. That would be a good accompaniment to your show. That's what people are telling me.

I just – I'm not really a talker. What are you talking about? I mean I don't know. He's a lover. Yeah. I don't feel like I would – I'm the wrong guy to ask because, again, like I said, I'm not a Ben Hoffman fan. So I'm the wrong guy to ask again like I said not a Ben Hoffman fan so I'm the wrong person to be asking about this but I just feel like I've kind of talked out I don't really like even on this show I feel like I was done

I was done in an hour what do you do at home like when you get when you get home tonight are you do you just watch a lot of movies or a hobby well tonight I because I have we have an airing tonight so I'm gonna I have to live tweet a new episode tonight that's a new thing is you tweet along with the show. That's nice, yeah. Which is fun, I guess. But I don't have DirecTV, so I have to go to my friend's house who has DirecTV so I can watch the East Coast feed to live tweet it. So a couple writers will show up and we'll live tweet the show, so that will be fun.

But what was the question? I mean like what do you do? Do you have a girlfriend? No, that's a big – listen. That's a question i've been talking to you with my therapist what the fuck am i doing with my therapist yeah yeah how long have you been going to a therapist 10 years really yeah wow oh dude i got issues what's the number one dude can you tell us yeah the number one would probably be ocCD. Like washing your hands? Yeah, but I got to say, like, even today, like, I did shake your guys' hands when I came in here. And I just now remembered that I did.

So it's working, I guess. Because you dealt with the fact that you shook our hands and didn't go immediately wash yourself? I'm saying a big step for me is just now remembering that two hours ago I shook your hands. In the old days, I would have thought about it at the time. Like, my hands are, like, toxic or something. It has nothing to do with the person. I do meet and greets after shows and, like, theaters, and I'll shake

a thousand people's hands easily. And it never occurs to you? No, then I go eat. Really? You don't wash your hands before? You're a case... I'm not scared. And you shouldn't be scared, because there's nothing... I'm healthy, son.'s nothing healthy son there's nothing bad you're not gonna kill me with your sweat but uh no but see i'm cured i'm not that cured but i'm getting closer um no i try to wash my hands after i do that but i have there's been times where i haven't you know for sure especially if i got a buzz on i'm like

ah fuck it let's go eat you know why i mean literally i've been to i was talking about this on another place i don't want to get into it too mean literally I've been to – I was talking about this on another place. I don't want to get into it too much. But I have been to behavior therapy where they actually – where you literally get your hands dirty and touch your face or touch yourself. That's how they teach you to do it. What made you feel like you needed this? It was interfering with my life literally. Like I would go to the – I would be in my car.

I would go get gas and I would be going out to get my meet my friends and i had to go back home to wash my hands wow home yeah you couldn't go to a bathroom yeah so then by the time you get through all that shit your day's gone you know right it interferes when anything all i care about is anything that's interfering with my life do you have like hand sanitizer that no i passed i don't i don't touch it you need to get your guy to howie mandel You know how he's completely off the rails. It sounds like he's not dealing with it.

No. He talks about it, though. He talks about it, but do what I did. Work past it. I'm dealing with my issues. Good for you. You know what I like about that? That you're willing to talk about it. I think that's super important. Oh, that's the thing. I was never shy about it.

That's huge. You're helping people by doing that. to talk about it. I think that's super important. Oh, that's the thing is I was never shy about it. But I – That's huge. You're helping people by doing that. When I have issues, I like to be open about it and deal with them and it helps me kind of get rid of them. But it also helps by gauging other people's reactions whether or not it's a real issue or whether or not it's – Well, it was so bad that, yeah, family members noticed it. That's how I knew it. And I'm like maybe this is – because I didn't know what OCD was. Right.

And I'm like – I read about it and I'm like, shit, I have this times 100. This is bad. And like there is a – I can fix this and improve my life. I'm like, that sounds interesting to me. Yeah, it's really bad to keep that stuff to yourself if something is really fucking with you because I think that there's a lot of insight that you get just from talking to people. Like I've had conversations with people where they tell me something about something fucked up about themselves and they go, you know what? I realized I'm not fucking doing that anymore, man.

I've seen people do that. A friend of mine quit smoking in front of me once. He was smoking. We were about to go do a gig and I go, are you smoking? And he goes, I only smoke before shows. I go, but dude, you do shows like fucking four days a week. And he goes, yeah. I go,. And I go, but dude, you do shows like fucking four days a week. And he goes, yeah. I go, well, it seems like you're smoking.

And he goes, well, I like a cigarette right before I do a show. And I go, have you done many shows without it? And he goes, yeah, I mean, I just started doing this. I go, god damn, man. He goes, you know what? You're right. What the fuck am I doing? I go, yeah, what are you doing?

So then he put his cigarette out and he quit. And he tells me like every time I see him, I haven't smoked since. That you helped him quit smoking? No, it wasn't even that I helped him. It's just that having that conversation in front of somebody who reacts to it. Like if someone says, hey, Ben, stop washing your fucking hands every ten minutes. You need to go see a doctor. There's something crazy about that and you're right.

You know what? Yeah, I do. You're right. Basically what you're saying is exactly what happened. And just opening up and talking to a doctor about it, it's like, fucking fix it, you asshole. Yeah. Like, you don't want to do this your whole life. Like, someone like Howie Mandel,

again, I don't know Howie Mandel, but wouldn't that be annoying? Wouldn't you want to get it fixed? Well, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum because I've done jiu-jitsu for like 16 years. And jiu-jitsu is men sweating in your mouth. Yeah, eat girls' assholes. Well, I mean, I'm not averse to that either if the young lady is willing to clean herself up.

That's a whole other subject. You can put your OCD aside. But yeah, that is not healthy either. I wonder how many people have gotten sick from eating ass. Yeah, you eat raw horse meat, so that's like another thing. Listen, dude, I'm way more chimpanzee than you. My body can digest that horse meat without a problem. I very rarely get stomach aches.

Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, I ate can digest that horse meat without a problem. I very rarely get stomach aches. Is that true? Yeah. I ate horse meat. I was in a restaurant. They served us raw horse meat. I was going to say, didn't the new thing, like apparently we're all eating horse meat? No, no. That was in the UK. There was some food company. I think it was like a lasagna or something like that. It was Ikea. Ikea Swedish

Meatballs. Yeah, and they had horse meat in them. By the way, horse meat's delicious. It's really good for you. And people are like, that's so fucked up. How could you eat horse meat? Yes and no. I mean, isn't it fucked up to eat a cow? Isn't it fucked up to eat a goat?

Yeah, I'm from Kentucky where they take their horses very seriously. But I wouldn't. If I was hungry, you know, what am I going to do? What am I going to say? Most people throughout history have eaten horses. It's been done. I guarantee you I have without knowing it. Yeah.

I mean the Mongols ate their horses. I mean people have always eaten horses. I ate at Ikea once, so I'm sure I ate them. Did you really? Yeah. They have good meatballs. Was it Swedish meat? I thought that was in the UK.

Wasn't that over there? I don't know. It might have been over there. I heard it was here too. I think't know. It might have been over there. I heard it was here too. I think it was. Well, they're just starting to – I think it was there's an Amish horse company that deals with the Amish where they're getting horses and they're slaughtering them now, like older horses, and they're slaughtering them for meat. And the idea is they're doing it through the Amish because the Amish, they don't believe in steroids or any of the things that you would worry about a horse having in its body if you ate it. Huh. Yeah.

There had to be more Amish. People are fucking super – do you have to pee or something? No, no. I just look anxious. People are super attached to their horses though, man. I live near this equestrian center, and I've taken my daughter to go ride around on horses and shit, and there's a lot of

people there that would like i mean if you told them that you were going to serve people some horse meat they would they would fucking freak out i get being from kentucky i my friends who make their living you know doing that kind of shit so i i know where they're coming from are you a horse person though no not particularly i mean i don't hate horses. I like horses. They're nice. I'm just never that interested in like – I mean I think it's a fun way to travel, get on a horse and go on a trail. It's all good. I like it. But it's not something – I mean I could get into it. I could see falling in love with a horse and taking it. Like, oh, this is such a great horse. I love having this horse and clean it up and brush it and feed it and be your buddy. I could totally see that. But I haven't had that personal experience.

And I feel like at the end of the day, the justification of eating animals is pretty sketchy at best anyway. I mean really, we're just fucking murdering all these animals and eating them. Does it really matter if it's a horse or a cow? I became vegan for one year for no reason. I wasn't like an animal rights person or anything. I just like – I wanted to see what – I just – just for some reason it was kind of during my ocd just like animals are like filthy and filled with bacteria right so i stopped eating it's not healthy i don't like i was i got really really thin and like really tired all the time like i i didn't do it correctly

probably well there's that i'm sure but there there's also – there's certain needs that we have and one of them is the function that cholesterol has in brain function. Cholesterol, like it's not all bad for you. As a matter of fact, I read something. When they do the test, when your doctor gives you the test, he tells you your good cholesterol and your bad cholesterol. Yeah, but the good cholesterol comes from animal protein. It comes from fish. No, I felt like shit most of that time. Some of it's from plants.

You can get – you can balance it out if you're really diligent. Yeah, I have friends who are vegans who know how to do it correctly. But it's a lot of work. Yeah. There's very few high-level athletes that have done it. That's one – I was going to say there's got to be none. The only – I mean the only person I can think of well-known, didn't Clinton – didn't Bill Clinton become vegan? Yeah. Because of heart issues. Well, he was about to say there's got to be none. The only person I can think of well-known, didn't Bill Clinton become vegan?

Because of heart issues. Well, he was about to die. That fat fuck was just fucking eating cheeseburgers constantly. Yeah, cholesterol plays a critical role in brain function. And cholesterol comes from animals. I mean that's where it comes from. I don't know if cholesterol is even available in the plant community, the plant kingdom. Is it?

I don't think so. You're asking the wrong guy. I think cholesterol only comes from animals. I'm pretty sure. Cholesterol is a substance genetically painted as black by the medical and scientific community. But the fact remains it is a substance that is innate to the body and forms a critical part of, among other things, key hormones, vitamin D, and cell membranes. It's also very concentrated in the brain where it contributes to the functioning of synapses, tiny gaps between the cells which allow nerves to communicate with each other. That's one of the things that we had with – Dave Asprey talked about this and Rob Wolf from – Rob Wolf, who's a primal diet advocate.

He's an advocate of the – What's that diet? Well, it's his whole – it's all the paleo. Yeah, I've had friends do that. Yeah, look. Yeah, look. There's a lot of logic behind paleo diets when it comes to the human body not being designed to consume wheat, not being designed to eat pastas, and designed to eat lean grass-fed protein and vegetables. Like that's really what we're supposed to do.

What's the diet where you can – it all has to be stuff that you use your hands to eat. Is that what I'm thinking about? No. Paleo, you can use forks. No, no. But there's a buddy of mine who has some new diet. It's like the caveman diet where it's the only things you can eat that cavemen would eat. Is that what I'm thinking about? No, paleo, you can use forks. No, no, but there's a buddy of mine who has some new diet, like the caveman diet, where it's the only things you can eat that cavemen would eat. He's probably an idiot.

I didn't say he wasn't an idiot. There's no reason to not use a fork. The forks are so unnutritious. I think he was like the idea of anything, like you only eat stuff that cavemen would eat. Oh, yeah, well, I think you're misreading what he's saying. That's paleo, paleolithic era. Yeah, that's what I'm think you're misreading what he's saying. That's paleolithic era caveman diet. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I'm thinking about the right thing. I just said it incorrectly.

Well, no. It's not about utensils is what was wrong with what you said. He's using that as a way to explain it to me. Oh, OK. I see. Because I don't understand things. But the idea is that genetically we're not much different from the people that lived 40,000, 50,000 years ago. In fact, we're probably exactly the same. You could take a guy from 50,000 years ago who was a homo sapien, dress him up in clothes,

and stick him in a movie theater, and before the movie starts, you wouldn't even be able to figure out who the caveman is. It's just once the movie begins and he starts fucking screaming and running out of the room, then you know that's the caveman. Or depending on the movie, it might be me. You think?

That's screaming, yeah. More than a caveman who's never seen a movie before? Yeah, you're probably right. What would be the one movie that would make you scream? Les Mis, probably? Les Mis, yeah. I don't know. I saw that Les Mis thing.

I'm like, if I had to choose between going to jail where nobody talked to me for 24 hours or watching Les Mis for 24 hours straight, I think I would take solitary for a day. How was it? Nothing I don't know. I have no idea. There's no day. How was it? Nothing. I don't know. I have no idea. There's no way I'm going to see that. No way I'm going to see a movie about a bunch of people crying that lived in a day where there was no TV or internet and they were all fucking singing everything and crying and draining. That was when a friend told me that it was so bad that you should maybe see it, that it might be fun.

But I don't know about you guys. I'm not one of those guys who likes – I don't get enjoyment out of things that are so bad they're good. That's not fun for me. I do out of some things. Like do you ever see The Day After Tomorrow? No. It's that really bad movie about global warming where it becomes like this crazy snowstorm that covers North America and everybody dies. Except Dennis Quaid who goes camping.

He's outside. It's fucking 100 million degrees below zero. He's got a tent. He's outside. It's fucking 100 million degrees below zero. He's got a tent. He's fine, just sipping coffee and shit. And Dennis Quaid's like, get over here, guys. That's his voice through the whole movie. Like, he had a weird voice. Like, it sounded like a South Park character.

What are you talking about? Watch that movie and think of South Park. Stop it. And it sounds so much like a South Park character. You're totally making something up. Pull up a scene. All right. Pull up a scene of Dennis Quaid.

You totally made that up. No. Yes, you yes you have first of all he's a fine actor and you are disparaging that man's name and reputation uh the day after tomorrow this guy's got insurance you can't disparage his name yeah you can't do that bro i have a fucking podcast to look out for can't just be making shit up i just think shut up man stop it with the gay voice stop it gay voice listen paris hilton is already mad at me. Or the other one. Perez Hilton. One of those guys.

Check this out and tell me if this does not sound like somebody from South Park is doing Dennis Quaid's voice. This better not be a parody site you took me to, you fuck. 20th Century Fox presents 10,000 Years Ago One Storm 10,000 years ago, one storm changed the face of our planet. That is true, by the way. This year, maybe not a storm, maybe it's an asteroid impact. I'm pretty sure it will happen.

Meteorologists have a lot to explain what is causing this weather. Are you getting this on camera? What you see is happening now. There is so much damage. JPA was battered by the largest hail storm on the rest of the weather experts yesterday. Slamming into the uplands. In New Delhi, it's snowing. A tornado! Yes!

A twister! This is just massive. We have life cover. There is a wall of water coming towards New York State. Everybody, get out of here, people. If you're listening to this at home, this is not nearly as interesting as watching it. I forgot that Jake Gyllenhaal was in this. The farther they go, the safer they'll be.

It's easy for him to suggest this plan. He's safer here in Washington. His son is in Manhattan. I'm a director. I'm trying to read something. Oh, so am I. That's him. That's his voice.

What should we do? I will come for you. Do you understand me? Shut up. I will come for you. Shut it off. Shut it off. Shut it off.

You made things up again. What? Turn it back on. You made things up again. What? Turn it back on. You made things... Turn my voice on. You made it up again, you fuck. There's nothing wrong with that guy's voice. I will come for you.

Just wait. Shut the fuck up. I will come for you. No, no, no. I gotta go with Joe Rogan on this. You just wasted our time. You weirdo. You're the one who played it.

I'm just saying that my opinion of Dennis Quaid's voice sounds like... You lied. He sounds like Trey Parker. That's what I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. You take it to that level for some reason. You are absolutely incorrect. He does not sound like Trey.

You lied. Well, that's your opinion. That's your opinion. My opinion? Oh, my God. Brian, we all heard it. He sounded totally normal. You're like, hi, guys.

That is not what he sounded like. We listened to one sentence, by the way. Okay, listen. You put on some headphones, and you play it, and you find me a representative of what the fuck you were saying. And if it's not true, we're going to hold you down. We're going to pee in your mouth. It's not a true thing. I'm just saying I think Dennis Quaid's voice sounds like Trey Parker doing South Park.

That's all I'm saying. I'm saying you might have brain damage. I bet there's people that agree with me on that. I'd be a mediator on this. There's three or four crazy fucks out there going, yes, rap band, I'm on your side. You are persecuted on that show. You're totally correct

in your assumption that he sounds like Trey Parker. Hey, you sound, when you do, you sound just like, you sound like Dennis Quaid

just now. Yes, a lot like what I wanted to sound like. But that's a good, a good example of a movie that's so bad that it becomes funny. See, I haven't seen it. After seeing that promo,

I do want to watch it. Have you ever seen Showgirls? Yeah, that's a good example of a good movie that's fun. Have you seen The Room? What is The Room? You don't know? You guys know about The Room? Oh, yeah, I have that. I have that on video. Somebody made me buy it. It's the best. It's hilarious.

It's so bad. I can't get through it, though. It's tough. But in the theaters, it's almost like I never saw a Rocky Horror Picture Show or anything like that in the theaters. But this is like you go there. I think the theater is gone, actually, where they used to play. The one in Sunset? It's there.

Now it's a different theater or something. Yeah. For folks who don't know what we're talking about, the Room, there was a billboard on La Cienega. No, no, on La Brea. And that billboard was up for years. There was The Room, the movie, and it was this guy's face. Tommy Wiseau. Who's this weird-looking dude who looks like a monster or something.

He looks strange. And he gets naked in the film. Well, in the movie, he gets to fuck all the girls, and he's the star of the movie. He wrote the movie for himself apparently and produced it. And paid for it all apparently, and he paid for the whole thing. It was – what happened – here's a story I was told was that he put it in all these film festivals, and some stoned kid at UCLA went to the UCLA Film Festival by himself and just walked into this film. And he comes back to his dorm room and he goes, dude, I'm not positive,

but I think I just saw the best film ever made. Will you guys come back? Tonight they're playing it again. And he moves back to the 10 Friends and they all thought it was fucking the... That's the ad. Is that ad still up? No.

They took it down. No, but he paid to have it, you know, to put it... He paid the money to make it in competition for the Oscars. You know, it costs a lot of money to make your movie until you try to get nominated. I remember – but I used to go to the screenings when they had like a few years ago, and it was the funniest thing. He would do Q&As before – he would go to every screening while people laughed at his film. And he would do a Q&A beforehand. I remember one guy goes – they would make up questions to see what kind of crazy answers

he would come with. Right. And this guy goes, is it true that your film was funded by Nazi gold? And this is how crazy the guy was. And he goes, he just goes,

no comment. Wow. Like, like, you're supposed to say no, dude. Yeah. Like he did, obviously the answer is no,

but he just doesn't really understand the questions. Is that that he doesn't understand it or is it he's just so fucking stupid? He's so dumb. He's just trying to play cool. Because I went there with my friends for my birthday and he signed my poster. Happy birthday, Ben. And I was walking.

I went to the bathroom with the poster in my hand. He goes, you want me to autograph your poster? I'm like, you just did five minutes ago. He's like, alright. And he picks it out and he autographs it. I have a poster of him and they autographed twice. Wow. So there's something wrong with him. There's something really wrong, but he's got a lot of money. Where did he get his money?

That's the thing. No one knows. Hmm. Not Nazi. Well, it could be Nazi gold. We don't know. He didn't come. Whoa. So maybe he's like a vampire or something. People have had the vampire. People are trying to find pictures of him in the daylight because people claim he's a vampire. Well, he looks like a vampire. That's what's weird. He's got a very vampire look.

If you look at the movie, the poster rather, the room, the movie, when I was on the road, I thought it was a horror movie. It looks like a horror film. Because he's brooding. His hair is long. He looks like Chris Gaines. He claims he's doing – Chris Gaines if he was – Yeah. What if he was the whole looks like Chris Gaines. He claims he's doing it. What if he was the whole time?

What if it was Garth Brooks' new role? I think I fucked up when I told him it was Garth Brooks. If I just make movies as this new dude, I'm telling you, man. I'm fucking moody sometimes. Didn't they remake the trailers of The Room and turn it into a comedy?

When they found out people were laughing, they made a trailer? Apparently he tried to pretend that he meant it. Everything wrong with The Room in eight minutes or less. Spoilers? Duh. Oh, awesome. This is great. Written by Tommy Wiseau and the Holy Ghost.

Look, the weird – okay, he comes in and there's a really hot girl. Let's count up every time Tommy says hot. Here we go. Oh, hi, Danny. Hi. Hi, Dougie. Hi, babe. Oh, hi time Tommy says hot. Here we go. Oh, hi, Danny. Hi. Hi, doggy. Hi, babe. Oh, hi, Mark.

Oh, hi, Danny. Oh, hi, Mike. Oh, hi, Mark. Oh, hi, Danny. So he's got this weird look, too. The guy's got long, obviously dyed black hair, and he looks like he's probably in his late 40s, but really harsh features. But he's playing like a 23-year-old. Yeah, but he's probably in his late 40s, but really harsh features.

But he's playing like a 23-year-old. Yeah, but he's playing like this stud. And so he hooks up with all these girls in this movie, so he's always banging. He's banging left and right in this movie. Oh, I love this song. When laying down the soundtrack, the record skipped. Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you. The flower shop owner doesn't know it's Johnny, even though no one on the entire earth looks like Johnny.

You're my favorite customer. So what was up earth looks like Johnny. You're my favorite customer. So what was up with not recognizing me? You're my favorite customer. Holy shit, Denny is a creepy bastard. I'm just kidding. Holy shit, Denny is a creepy bastard. Tommy Wiseau reads lines he wrote like he doesn't understand them. I don't think I will ever get it.

They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore. The best drink to give someone who doesn't drink is a combination of scotch and vodka. If you love me. Scotch and vodka. Yeah, that was his drink in the movie. Scotch and vodka. Scotch and vodka. Scotchka is not your mother's cookie.

You do not need to lie about Scotchka. That's mocaine. Mocaine. Yeah, it is a weird movie. I recommend that movie to everyone. It's the fucking best as someone who doesn't like that kind of stuff

they have screenings all the time still I guess where are they now I get invited all the time in I think maybe the silent movie theater somewhere like that that's probably where it is

because it was at the Sunset Five and now that's like Robert Redford Theater yeah it seems like it would be a good thing to go to get a little drunk

and go with a bunch of friends it is it's fun until that theater closed they would have like four room you know no pun like four different screens going on at once and pack the place for the room yes and people and he would be there like people are laughing at his movie it's crazy wow well i guess for a guy like that he must be so torn because it's obviously getting a lot of attention getting his money back and he's getting his money back and he's becoming famous yeah but i feel like his face don't you feel like his fame is like died down like it's kind of old news maybe he'll come back again

because he was telling people he's doing a new movie with deniro which is obviously made up but i haven't heard what he's up to as well you never know man deniro's been doing some fucking i think he's doing pretty whack movies lately. I don't know. You see that one that he did with Sharon Stone where he was a wizard or something like that? No, what was that? What was that movie? Pull up the photo. He's done some fucking clearly gets paid movies. I guess the DVD of the room, the commentary, the director's commentary is gold. Really?

I can only imagine this guy talking about his motivation in each individual scene. Someone posted online too the auditions. For this movie? For the movie. Oh, God. That's hilarious. Oh, no. I can't watch.

Well, one of the things about moving to Hollywood, I moved here in 94. I had no experience whatsoever with actors. I didn't know any. I knew comics who a lot of people will say that comics are a lot like actors because they're very needy and they're very self-centered. But I don't find that to be true. I think the really good comics especially, they're really interesting people. They're fun to hang out with and talk to. But actors, I've met some actors that were so bizarrely self-centered and so bizarrely like unaware of how a normal person would look at them

and how they behave that this kind of the room movie thing makes sense to me. If you didn't live here and didn't know these people in real life – Yeah, it's weird you say that. I wonder if you were not in L.A. if you be as funny right yeah it's really a you're laughing at it because it's a because you live in hollywood it's the worst representative of that guy but you know that guy totally yeah and there's probably a piece of me in that guy a very small piece but still you know like i would i'm sure i've auditioned for shit worse than that i'm actually not worse than that but you know i've auditioned for some shit i've met people that were completely

crazy that were making their own movies and coming up to you with this project they're trying to do i know a lot of those people still yeah my god have you ever seen windy city heat yeah i was just gonna say the same thing reminds me of windy city what's what the fuck is funnier than windy city what's funnier well that guy the problem, the problem with Windy City Eats, I know that guy. That guy was always around. He was always around the comic store. That guy was annoying as fuck. And they sort of legitimized him in a way and gave him some juice.

Well, it was funny too because I just did – again, not to brag, but I did – Go ahead. I did Kimmel last week. And so like all the writers – he produced that film. And so all the writers and producers and produced that film and uh so all the writers and producers and stuff are like you know they'll be nice to me and i'm just like it's sal sal steinberger with screen but you know i'm like you know uncle's cousin sal like i know him from wendy city heat right like the right like mole i know him from the movie and stuff as opposed to

like their jobs on kimmel right because i've watched wendy city heat so many aren't they doing a new one i keep hearing about it uh they the – about five years ago they filmed the beginning part just to try it out. Like the idea of Johnny Knoxville was supposed to take over as Scary Perry. And I actually got to sit there in the filming and I sat next to Jimmy Kimmel watching this. And it was beautiful. And then Scary Perry comes in and goes, I'm Scary Perry and stuff. And I don't know whatever happened to it because they also made a Ding Dong Show movie that immediately got shelved for some reason. Only a few people saw it, and I heard it was really awesome.

Well, there's a Winnie City Heat Big Three podcast that's really funny, but I don't listen to it. Well, the Ding Dong movie – the problem with the Ding Dong movie would be that I guarantee the people in the Ding Dong movie probably protested them great put in the movie right he mocked like that yeah you never heard of the ding-dong show Don Barris is a buddy of ours does a show at the Comedy Store in a regular basis where he brings the worst acts known to man like this guy Peter Chen and he's like terrible terrible comedians and they thought a big three from when he said he and he's always been doing this Don's been doing this almost like this is this constant running art project since the beginning of time. As long as I've known him, he's had these shows there where he would do these ding-dong shows where he just has these unbelievably bad comedians.

And he treats them like they're artists and they go up. I know. I still haven't seen it live. We did the podcast at Death Squad. Yeah, he does – how many – he's done how many so far? We just finished our 13th one. I'll listen to that. Yeah, he's a great guy too.

And he's in Windy City Heat too, right? Yep. He's one of the big three. He's a star. Don Barris is awesome. He's a great guy too. He's like one of those guys that like he's – to me he's like a hidden treasure in the world of entertainment. It's like how the fuck do more people not know about don barris yeah i mean i'm watching him every night it's it's amazing that

he does what he does every single fucking night he does that and i mean he's there every night three he does kimmel and then he goes straight there yeah and he's there every morning till three in the morning just like entertaining like sometimes two people in the audience you know sometimes there's people in the parking lot sometimes. Sometimes it's people in the parking lot. Sometimes he'll do a set in the parking lot. He's hilarious, and he's a great guy. He just, for whatever reason, the world hasn't found his place yet. But no, like Windy City Heat is different than The Room.

I'll show that to friends back in Kentucky, and they'll be cracking up, and they give it to their friends. Have you seen Showgirls? Yes, Showgirls. Roadhouse? But Windy City Heat's a legitimately good movie. Yeah, well, Windy City Heat's good on purpose. Yes, exactly. Whereas Showgirls is good. Roadhouse? But Windy City Heat's a legitimately good movie. Yeah, well, Windy City Heat's good on purpose. Yes, exactly.

Whereas Showgirls and Roadhouse were like... Showgirls is probably the best example of what we were talking about. Roadhouse is the best example of a cocaine movie. Well, you know that they were on coke when they were making that movie. Like, there's no other way you could think this was good. You gotta be coked up and go, oh, yeah, fuck yeah. Tell them pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt.

I think that's most of the 80s movies, probably. Showgirls, too. Showgirls reeks't hurt. Pain don't hurt. I think that's most of the 80s movies probably. Showgirls too. Showgirls reeks of coke. Certainly in the writing. Yeah. Well, in the performance too. The whole thing is just chaos. It's just like you thought this was what?

And you took the girl from Saved by the Bell and what? And how come no way we talked her into doing some squats before this movie? Exactly. Well, what? How much did it? How much of it? It was a horrible bomb, right? Oh, yeah. Well, I think it made money though it had to have so many people yeah over time they have those

special editions now where you can buy it with like that comes with like the stripper stuff and the scene where they fuck where she fucks that guy from what was that that uh what was that show blue velvet was that tom mclaughlin yeah that guy remember she fucks him in the pool? Holy, it's the most ridiculous thing ever. She starts flopping around and slapping the water like a fish while he's banging her. And he's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a long way down from Blue Velvet. And you're like, what are you doing? No one fucks like that.

Stop this. This doesn't make any sense. But in the movie, it totally made sense. Like, yeah, flop the water. She's wild. She's unpredictable. She's unpredictable. Cut. Get in my trailer.

Suck my cock. Get it hard. Get it hard. We got to film this fucking movie. Finish this movie so you can suck my cock more. All right. Action. Chaotic, crazy movie.

Have you seen Grizzly Man? Yes. I would say it's better than Showgirls maybe the greatest movie ever made it is a great movie as far as documentaries when I recommend people if you recommend a documentary I say Grizzly Man it's weird because mine would be the one I said before

the staircase that you gotta see that one bums me out man no you'll love it if I'm gonna watch a movie I'll watch a documentary the staircase that you got to see. That one bums me out, man. No, you'll love it. You'll love it. I'm trying to think. But yeah, I spend most of my time. If I'm going to watch a movie, I'll watch a documentary way before any kind of. That's all I watch is documentaries.

Yeah, I've been watching quite a few of them lately. This is a good time for documentaries. I love that. I have the Apple iTunes or whatever the fuck it is. ITV, Apple TV. Apple TV, yeah. Apple TV. And you go to the documentary section,

and it's just documentary, documentary. I mean, there's so many. I saw this really good, Dave Grohl made this Sound City movie. Yeah. Did you watch that? Oh, yeah. I didn't watch it yet.

It was really cool. He got the thumbs up over here. It was great, man. It was like the story of this recording studio. I think it was in the Valley, right? Yeah. It's Northridge, I believe. Yeah, it's like all,

like Nevermind, all these classic albums. Fleetwood Rumors was made there. Wow. The story of all these great fucking albums. And Dave Grohl made the movie and it's fucking great.

Rumors doesn't get nearly enough credit in the world of great albums. People don't talk about Fleetwood Mac. What's better than Rumors? It's fucking phenomenal. UNL's is great too. I was just talking about this with a friend. Tusk is pretty amazing too. It's pretty than Rumors? It's fucking phenomenal. You and Elsa's great, too.

I was just talking about this with a friend. Tusk is pretty amazing, too. It's pretty fucking good. Yeah, both of them. Dude, Fleetwood Mac was badass. At their height, there wasn't much better. Yeah, I was listening the other day. Jam band's all about Timberlake over there.

That song, You Make Lovin' Fun, god damn, that's a good song. Well, Rumors is spotless. Yeah, yeah. And I say Tusk is, too, but some people would argue, but's a good song. Well, Rumors is spotless. Yeah, yeah. And I say Tusk is too, but some people would argue. But I love that album. I heard Gene Simmons made a tweet about a video that I've been meaning to watch for a while called Searching for Sugar Man. Oh, I saw it.

How good was that? It's really good. I have a very cynical view of documentaries sometimes, so'm not sure how much but I actually I googled it and I didn't find much what I do is I watch documentaries and I google it and see how much like if there's a lot of people talking about how it's bullshit and the bullshit meter on that one was pretty low so it could be

well tell people what the story is it's a guy who was a musician in Michigan and was like made two albums that no one had heard of and you think he worked at maybe some kind of factory or something. No, he was unknown for 30 years. Turns out his albums had taken off in

South Africa. And he was, it was part of the apartheid movement, really. It was his, the soundtrack to his, of his albums. He didn't know he was so famous over there. Like Elvis. And people thought the story had come out that he died. And like 20 years later, someone heard the news that he didn't die.

He was living in an apartment in Detroit. And they brought him back. It comes back. It's almost like an Anvil type thing where he comes back and he's like – goes over there and just plays these stadiums. And now he played Letterman I think. He's now going on tour and playing big gigs. He was huge. And meanwhile, just had a family normal guy raised his daughters but had no idea that he no idea he was told that these albums were bombs yeah that didn't make a penny

well meanwhile they're it's good music it's pretty good yeah yeah my buddy might just saw the show here said it was good we were talking about our friends honey honey um i found out about honey honey through a guy on my message board who uh just sent me a dude named balls of steel that's his name sent me this link and said this is going to be your new favorite band and i went what kind of music is it it's like country rock like sort of rock country-ish it's it's very hard to describe but when we when i listened to it i went how the fuck are they not famous like every now and then you'll hear music and the whole – they have two CDs and both of them are excellent. I'm going to go listen to them.

There's – the first one is called First Rodeo and then the second one – I forget what the name of the second one is. But whatever it is, it's fucking amazing. It's like you listen to it and you go, how the fuck are these guys not famous? Yeah, yeah. It's on iTunes. I'll check it out. But I think it's hard as fuck to make it in the world of music today, especially because of the fact that there's not that much out there as far as radio.

There's no, dude. If you want to play instruments, fucking forget it. It's not that much as far as being able to sell videos and shit or being able to sell records. Good fucking luck man although it has spread out too you can make it's easier to make a living like a low you know low money there's more there's more bands making like 50 grand a year than there ever were but there's nobody making that like big money yeah well this band um they you know they've been touring around the country and they're slowly starting to take steam.

But it doesn't make any sense. When you see some of the shit that's famous and some of the people that are famous, like these guys are like completely, totally legit. Like how are they not huge? I don't even listen to the radio anymore. I mean do you listen to like music on the radio? K-Rock I listen to in L.A. upon occasion. But for the most part no but it's just it takes more than being talented today today we're in this weird like void area

where what you're starting to get is people that become famous through the internet through you know people retweeting and and and sending their you know youtube likes and stuff like that like you're starting to see that. But putting out a CD and just releasing it in a record store, it doesn't happen anymore. Those days are gone. It doesn't exist. You have to have an internet presence.

Which is cool if you were a band, let's say, from a small town in Kentucky and you wanted to get your music out there. It's a different world. You can get it everywhere. But yeah, it's harder to make that giant leap yeah well um but you made it dude look at you yeah exactly fucking comedy central the fucking biggest i'm the hottest comedian showbiz living large did they let you into the uh daniel tosh hooker factory where you go and see all the processes no i've never met to give you the golden robe. Listen, I've got to get some higher numbers before I get to that. Yeah, Tosh apparently can sell out stadiums with one tweet.

Seriously? Yeah. Apparently he puts out one tweet and he sells out like 20 stadiums in a row. Yeah, he's balling. The lead-in to my show is a rerun of his show that beats my show. I mean like an old rerun. It's a fucking good show, man. Anybody who has anything to say bad about that show is a hater. That's a good, solid my show. I mean like an old rerun. It's a fucking good show, man. Anybody who has anything to say bad about that show is a hater.

That's a good, solid fucking show. Listen, man. I can't say anything bad about a show that paid for my show. What am I going to say? Hey, I recommend Tosh Point Hole, by the way, which is one of the movies at the hotel in San Diego. It's a gay Tosh parody. No, you don't recommend that. Stop it.

Was that really in a hotel? Yeah. That's not cool. Tosh Point Hole. How Recommend that Stop it Was that really in a hotel Yeah That's not cool Tosh Point How rude you fuck Yeah This Friday night Brian is going to be

At the Ice House In Pasadena With Tony Hinchcliffe Who else Kevin Christie Kevin Christie Allison Shula And there's a bunch of people

That are going to be added To the show In the next day or two But tickets are at Icehousecomedy.com It's at 10 o'clock Yeah

And that place Is the ice house if you've never been there to us like right now that's like our base that's pretty much our home base right i mean that's that's kind of mecca for comedians these days it's a really unusual spot it's a beautiful club it's in pasadena it's the oldest club in the country i believe yeah i think it was in the 1950s that they first opened it became a comedy club in the 60s. 51st anniversary. Jesus Christ. 51st fucking anniversary.

That's insanity, man. That is a long time. Steve Martin used to do it. In his book that you can get on Audible, he talks about the Ice House throughout that whole thing. I read that book, but after your recommendation, I want to listen to that book. Yeah. Well, we're there all the time. I'll be there probably again next week when I get back from Nashville this weekend,

I'll schedule something. And we try to do it. Like last time was Ari and Ian and Brian. And we just try to do like all of our friends. And it's just a, it's a beautiful, awesome club to, to just to be in.

It's a part of comedy history. It really is. And, and we support that place. Like it's like, it's a God. That was a great show, man. Last Wednesday. That was a great show. It really is. And we support that place like it's a goddamn thing. That was a great show, man. Last Wednesday, that was a great show. It was pretty fun, man.

Oh, yeah. That was the drunk night. Yeah. That was the full – I was fucked up on stage. It was funny. We were all fucked up. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. Shane. I haven't talked to Shane since. I called him to apologize the next day. I'm like, I might have yelled at you, man. I don't know what I did. Did he answer the phone?

No. Did he text or call back? No. Uh-oh. No, he tweeted me. He's alright. It's just, but I think I yelled at some other dude named Matt. It's a lot of craziness. Do you drink, Ben? I used to drink a lot. Not on purpose.

I'm just getting too old for it or something. How old are you? I'm 37. How dare you? Yeah. You're too old to drink. I just started drinking Jack's. No, I just, I don't know. How old are you? I'm 37. How dare you? Yeah. You're too old to drink. I just started drinking Jack's. No, I just, I don't know, I can't hold my alcohol anymore.

It's just weird. The last like five times I drank has been really odd. Ben, you need to party with some looser minded people. You need to hang with us a little bit. I'm down.

Let's do it. Ice House, let's do it. Let's do it. Ice House. I'm fucking there, man. We'll make it happen. I'm there. Ben Hoffman,

thank you for coming aboard, man. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me, man. Folks, Thursday nights, Comedy Central, watch the shit out of the Ben Hoffman show because it's fucking aboard, man. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me, man. Folks, Thursday nights, Comedy Central. Watch the shit out of the Ben Hoffman show because it's fucking awesome. It's called The Ben Show. And you can catch it every Thursday night at 10 p.m. on Comedy Central.

The new Comedy Central. Comedy Central's taking off, bitches. They got it together now. They got it together now. And if you're watching on Ustream, watch. Should I save that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're watching on Ustream Live, watch tonight,

10.30 Eastern, 7.30 here, after the Workaholic season finale. What's the Ustream channel that it's on? No, I'm saying, if people are watching us live right now,

they can watch it. Another episode is a new one tonight. And you're going to live tweet tonight, correct? I'm going to live tweet tonight.

That is The Ben Show on Twitter. The Ben Show, one word. Ben Hoffman, you're a prince among men. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much for having me.

I had a blast. Thank you to the House of Thrones for sending me this amazing gift. That thing's awesome. House Rogan, I'm honored. I can't wait for March 31st for the new season. Holy shit. Plays this theme when you open it. God damn it, we're living in the future.

Living in the future, you fucks. Thanks to Audible.com for sponsoring our podcast. Go to Audible.com forward slash Joe for a free audiobook and for 30 free days of Audible.com service. More than 100,000 titles to choose from. Amazing audiobook selection. Very cool company. Please support them as they support us.

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lots of groovy supplements for health, fitness, welfare, and cognition. If you use the code name Rogan, you will save 10% off any and all supplements. All right, folks. We love the shit out of you. We'll see you next Monday with the great Bill Burr.

We will also have Dr. Chris Ryan will be joining us again on the podcast. And Stanley Krippner will be joining us on a special Saturday. Very prestigious scientist, prestigious well-regarded scientist who's going to come and talk to us. We got Douglas Rushkoff coming in. We got a lot of really cool guests coming up. We appreciate the fuck out of

all the positive energy and tweets. We're number one right now on iTunes and the comedy department and don't think that we don't appreciate all the love and all the support and we're completely totally committed to keeping this fucking train rolling all right i'm done god damn it i can't talk forever we love you you you keep it together you fucks we'll see you in a couple of days or something see ya Outro Music