The Joe Rogan Experience - #345 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: April 1, 2013

Bryan Callen is an actor, stand-up comedian, and host of his own podcasts: The Bryan Callen Show and The 10-Minute Podcast, with co-hosts Will Sasso and Chris D'Elia.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience Joe Rogan, he is your friend Joe Rogan, he's the man Joe Rogan, he's got the best damn podcast He's Joe Rogan Joe Rogan, he is your friend Joe Rogan, he is the man

Joe Rogan, he's got the best damn podcast My voice is so creepy. He's Joe Rogan. A barrel of snakes for a man. A barrel of snakes for a man. Who made this? His name is Breakable Beats. And you can find him on SoundCloud. Dude, you're awesome.

Breakable Beats. And it really starts off funny because it talks about... Very expressive eyes. Very expressive eyes. Very expressive eyes. And then it goes right into the breakdown. My voice is so terrible. Come, here's your friend. That's hilarious, dude.

That's hilarious, dude. That's hilarious. Yeah, that is one of the most surprising things about podcasting is the amount of cool shit that people do on their own. You know, people create funny YouTube compilations. These guys in San Antonio, and I can't remember their name. I'm going to try to find them and give them a shout out. But I tweet that I'm going to be in San Antonio, and these guys create a whole video devoted to Brian Callen and no cunts allowed. No cunts, please. No cunts allowed. I was dying.

They made like a three-minute like really well done put together video. Like a commercial for you. Yeah, they made a commercial for me on Twitter and it's And I'm trying to find them because they were so awesome. And, oh, man. Anyway, I'll just give a shout out. But, I mean, that's what the internet does. You get a bunch of guys who are like, dude, let's make a video for them advertising. I was dying.

You guys are coming to my show for free, by the way. Just come up to me and tell me that you did it. Now everybody will be like, hey. Yeah, you need proof, man. You need to do another one. I know the guys so i know what they look like it's a great thing man it's it's the great democratizing force and i have a beautiful voice i didn't realize that so well i think they put some of that fucking jay-z shit in your voice what is that stuff that that electronic thing that what you're talking about. That electronic thing. No, no. What is that music thing?

What's it called? Autotune. Yeah, Autotune. They autotuned the fuck out of you, son. No, they didn't. No, no. It's not Jay-Z. Why did I say Jay-Z?

Who uses that Autotune shit? T-Pain. T-Pain. I think I sound like Josh Groban. I don't even know what that guy sounds like. I win. I win. Yes, you do. I don't even know what that guy sounds like. I win. I win. Yes, you do.

I don't. I would not be able to pick it out of a lineup. And, you know, if you played it for me and it wasn't him, you would get me. You could sell me a fucking album with Johnny Two-Tone from down the block singing. If you could be one rock and roll front man of all time, who would it be? Oh, Jesus. It's a tough one, isn't it be? Oh, Jesus. I don't know. It's a tough one, isn't it? It's tough to fuck with David Lee Roth.

It's tough to fuck with Diamond Dave. Yeah. About, like, when it comes to front men. Yeah. Dude, there was some years in the 1980s, like, 84, 85, through the jump era. Yeah. They dominated. They dominated.

They dominated. His voice was incredible yeah i mean it's no wonder they broke up they they were hitting it so hard of course they all lost their mind well i spent i spent time with diamond dave oh yeah and he uh he and some real had real conversations like three like you know two hours long and he because he used to rent dove davidoff's uh the apartment above dove davidoff's um he had a building dove he because he used to rent dove davidoff's uh the apartment above dove davidoff's um he had a building dove had and he used to rent from dove davidoff above him and he basically would practice karate he had his helicopter's license he was a an emt a real yeah medic and saved lives he'd be he'd pull somebody out of a car and they'd be like

you're david lee roth what the fuck and he was like ah but he told us these great stories and um he he like he's very very spartan like he has a bowl and a spoon and sometimes he'd sleep on the roof outside in the tent he's just a real like he's a very unusual dude yeah he's not into money or anything he's living in a really small apartment in tokyo now there it is he came on the podcast and and talked to us about he's been living in tokyo for 10 months really yeah this is what a trip this guy is he came on the podcast and and talked to us about he's been living in tokyo for 10 months really yeah this is what a trip this guy is he was uh they were going to do some shows in tokyo and i go how many like for how long he's like we're going to do about two weeks in tokyo i'm like okay he went for 10 months wow for 10 months yeah he said the that eddie got sick and

so when they had a postponement it took a long time for them to be able to reschedule because it's a big tour. Sure. So when Eddie got sick and then they rescheduled, he said, well, hey, I'll just go over there and see what it's like. So he fucking moves to Tokyo. He used to kayak around Manhattan. Did he really? Yeah. What are you going to do today?

I'm going to kayak around Manhattan. I'm going to kayak around Manhattan, the island of Manhattan. Kayak. Wow. In the Hudson River. He does what he wants when how. You know? What were you going to say?

He's taking sword classes. Oh, yeah. That's what he's doing. He's taking sword fighting classes and learning Japanese. So he came over here. He's speaking Japanese and telling us about his fucking sword fight. He's 58. Well, he refers to karate as karate.

Karate. It's my favorite. Well, I studied karate for many years. In fact, I've studied so long, I feel as though I am karate. Well, he has a legit martial arts background. There's no doubt about it. Like, he definitely, like, I remember he would throw kicks, like, when he would do his shows.

I'm like, that guy can move his fucking body, man. Yeah, flexible, can do the splits. Yeah, he would throw these, like, crazy high kicks, and i'm like that guy can move his fucking body can do the splits yeah he would throw these like crazy high kicks and you're like holy shit like you can't like the way he was throwing kicks was like a guy who's trained martial arts seriously yeah a lot and trained very hard he's in really good shape yeah he's in great shape man it's just it's interesting to meet a guy like that it's like this 58 year old sort of guy who just still does whatever the fuck you want i think i'll go to japan you know fuck it i think yeah i think what happens though when you when you've hit the apex of fame like when you're a rock star on his level you're the biggest that's that you don't get more famous than that you just don't on earth on earth

on earth and and and and just to play the stadiums and just like go crazy. And I think once you do that and you're – you kind of – if you're an interested person in the world, you realize that's like – you get immune to that. You actually – I think you get immune to it. I think you get immune to that public embrace. And then you've got to find some way else to keep yourself inspired and excited and interested and – that sounds like what he what he does man that's why he's got such varied interests man he's such a such an interesting dude i was i've got him on my phone right now i've got their greatest hits i was just listening to them like diver down you know those yeah dude some of those songs running with the devil oh god damn those were good songs they were unbelievable it's just but they were so big that it's no wonder that they broke up it's like who the fuck knows how to

manage that like i was having a conversation with uh someone about justin bieber where they're like you know did you hear what he did he did this the other day and and that happened the other day i'm like do you know how fucking crazy i would be if I was Justin Bieber? That kid's holding it together remarkably. Remarkably well. Yeah, when I was 18 or 19 years old, if I had $100 million on a fucking Ferrari, oh my God.

Right now, bro. Right now. Who are you talking to? Right now, I'd be a mess. Yeah, I mean, that kid's fine. He's fine. So he spit on somebody. Who knows what happened really?

Who the fuck knows? When you're constantly surrounded by people. Oh, he's a nice guy. He was at the Laugh Factory. Yeah. He was in the crowd on a Tuesday night. And Dom Herrera gets on stage. And Justin's up there.

And he goes, Justin, it must have been really hard for you before you made it. That one tough year when you were like 14. It was fucking great. Dom Herrera is awesome. davar rare comes up with one-liners like just off the top of his head he's an animal oh man he's he's so fucking legit oh fucking dom yeah doing stand-up for like 100 years yeah high level i always love to to remind dom that i i paid to see him before i ever did comedy myself so did i yeah i remember his jokes i did his jokes to dom that i paid to see him before i ever did comedy myself so did i yeah i remember his jokes i did his jokes yeah i paid to see him at nick's comedy stop i actually went two nights in a row because he missed his flight or something like that on the first night and so

that was how i found out about dennis leary that dennis leary went up that night and i was like who is this guy where the the fuck is Dom Herrera? Like, I'd pay to see Dom Herrera. Well, something happened. There was like a missed flight or something along those lines. So I was like, God, this guy. Who's this guy? I was like so bummed out.

But he fucking destroyed. Oh, yeah. He destroyed. Back then, no cure for cancer. Dude, I mean, this is before I knew anything about the plagiarism or anything about the bad things you hear about Leary. All I knew then, I didn't even know who he was,

but he went on and fucking crushed. Amazing. He was like my favorite comedian for like six months. It's incredible when you see somebody who's that good at something.

You know, you see stand-up for the first time and you have like maybe designs on, like I just did this interview just now today for the San Antonio thing

and I literally said to the guy, I said, I still can't believe I can do stand-up. I can't believe I'm lucky enough. I'm truly lucky enough to go around the country and make people laugh. I can't believe I have that capacity. Like the great surprise of my life was waking up one day and realizing I think maybe I can do this if I really practice. You know what I mean? It's like – When did you come to that?

I always thought you always knew you could do that. No, man. No. I was a silly goose always, as you know. But I remember Patty Jenkins, my old girlfriend, the director, said, Brian, I made a speech or something at a wedding or something and I was funny. And she said, I got three words for you, dude. Stand up comedy.

You're not going to walk into a room as this guy. Whoa, that guy's really unique. He's 5'11", 165 pounds with brown eyes and brown hair. You're not going to go in there looking like somebody. She said, but you're funny. And she got me to start doing it. And I was like, I can't do this. But I went home and wrote a monologue on what it's like to be reborn a penguin a legless flightless bird in the middle of the south pole

and i was like that's kind of a funny idea concept but i don't know and i wrote it and i and then i i came up to my friends that night and i said hey i heard this comic doing these jokes and i pretended it was somebody else and they laughed and and that's slowly how i built a set that's funny man that's a good way of doing it and that's so like your personality to do that. Yes. You're not really a self-congratulatory guy. I'm terrible at it. So that's what you would do.

You would congratulate someone else, make a pretend character. I did. Oh, my friend is so funny. He says these things. My friend is so funny. I do it and he laughs so hard and I was like,

I think I'm onto something. That's a very clever way to begin stand-up comedy. Sure. Like to practice on people. Of course. I would do that all the time. Do you hear this comic?

That guy with the – I don't know what he looks like. He had red hair and I would do the joke. This was all before I met you. Yes. Yeah. When I met you, you were doing comedy a little bit. But you had gotten into the door. And I don't blame anybody for this, but there's an attitude that exists, or at least it used to, when you got a series or got some sort of a sitcom.

You can stop. Well, you could stop doing your stand-up. I actually had a good friend and a guy I respect very much say that to me, who's a producer. And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm just doing this for money. Like, are you crazy? Stand-up is the greatest thing in the world. You don't know because you've never done it.

And even if you do it and you suck at it, if there's a possibility that you can get good enough to be good at it, stick with that shit. Stick with that shit. Stick with that shit. It's so much fun. It's way better than acting. It's also a constant challenge. If you're a rock star, you can sing the same song for 30 years. The Stones can still sing Start Me Up and everybody cheers yes you fucking stand up

you got to reinvent yourself when they come to see you they want to see a new bag of tricks bro oh yeah they're not there to like see or do your you know greatest hits yeah i put out my special whenever it was a couple months ago i don't know i'm not doing a single bit from that that's it it's all done that shit's dead and buried that's's what I'm – all my stuff is new. It's fun to do though, man, because I've been inspired by quite a few guys that do that on a regular basis. Bill Burr does that on a regular basis. Louis C.K. does that on a regular basis. And I think he got a lot of people thinking that way. Like just throw your shit out and come up with – and it's totally right because what you really want to see is a lot of different material from comedians.

It also keeps you in a really active state of mind. Like I've really learned how to write anywhere no matter what and I'm always thinking of new stuff. Yeah, it's like we decide like how hard we can push ourselves. Like, oh, God, a new hour a year. I couldn't do it. Yeah, you probably could. You probably could. Just fucking go to work.

I'm doing it. And then when you do do it, like when you you are coming up with new stuff it's so it's so exciting it's like the shows have a different energy to them because you're you're like still laughing at the shit too it's like it's still hitting you like and i don't know how you are when you're creating material but when i'm creating material i don't even know where the fuck it's coming from i never feel like it's mine no i never do that's that beautiful notion that you're a channel for something that already exists. Well, I think it's because the only way to truly use your creativity correctly is to take your sense of you out of the equation. So it's not really that you're tapping into a muse per se as to take you out of the equation allows all the creativity to sort of appear and unfold.

equation allows all the creativity to sort of appear and unfold. It's you, this idea of you, ego is such an overwhelmingly constricting mindset. It's, you know, and let me, let me, let me piggyback on that before you go on. I love this. I love what you're saying. And when you say ego, a lot of that, and for young people, let me get specific. And I think a lot of it is we all define ourselves on very strong lines. Men, especially in this society, are told to define yourself along strong lines. I'm a fighter. I'm a tough guy. You can't push me, whatever it might be.

I'm a musician. That comes with a lot of baggage. And I think that one of the nice things about learning how to create is to loosen those lines a little bit. Don't try to define yourself.'t have you have to be right don't don't pigeonhole yourself into i'm a tough guy or i'm this guy or i know not when you're creating and it goes back to what you said take yourself out of the equation well people try to define themselves because they're insecure you know i mean that's how when i was a young man and i was insecure that's when i tried to i tried to define myself i tried to pretend to be somebody i would try to, you know, as much as I wanted to be an individual, a complete individual,

I was, I certainly wasn't good at it. Well, but you know, and it's also like, I was just, I just played volleyball with Brandon Schaub, Mayhem Miller, and my buddy Kieran, all fighters, you know, obviously. And I'm sitting there looking at these fucking, like, just, you know, Jason's been fighting for 15 years, retired now, but he's still a fucking rough, athletic big guy. And I'm looking at fucking Shabu, should just have a statue. I should have a statue built to him that I can just, you know, and I'm looking at. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm gay.

I'm gay. I mean, I know I'm straight. I mean, I just, when I talk about Brendan, I get very gay. No, but I'm looking at how big and strong these guys are. I thought to myself, there's always somebody stronger. There's always somebody stronger than those guys. And by the way – No, that's not true.

There's got to be one strongest guy. There's got to be. There's got to be. There's always got to be someone stronger. That kind of brings me to my point, which is the idea that there's not a real difference in some ways between me and Schaub or somebody who's really big in the sense that, yes, they're stronger. But we're all compared to somebody else. We're all kind of like – depending on what context you're standing in, I'm stronger than this guy over here. He's stronger than me.

You really think about this shit? Yeah. Why? Well, I was just thinking about how we kind of – I was thinking about how we try to kind of like aim for certain things. Yeah, but you're 45. No, I'm not talking about that. You're 46. I'm using it as an example.

I'm just using it as an example of anything you do. Like if you're a musician and you want to play like that guy, I'm just saying that the only thing that matters is that is a false way of going about things. All you can do is control your own expression and who you are. That's all you can do is go – there is no – the idea of comparing to something bigger or something that is an illusion almost right it's the only thing you can do is get is is get try to not dilute who you are you you want to keep it as it's so hard to say i mean it's saying that and doing that it's like what is he saying it's so what does he mean you know it just, you got to know that your ego will fuck you up, man. Your ego, even though you feel like it's a part of you and you feel like it's good to have it protect you so you'll bullshit yourself about things.

It's super important to know when you fuck up and not be in denial. Because when you're in denial, it sets you back. Because look, no one's perfect. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. There's not a single perfect human being. The idea is ridiculous because it's like you don't – you're a different person depending on when I catch you. You're a different person depending on what time of the day and what happened to you recently or what bad thing has gone down in your life.

You're a different person every minute of every day, 365 days a year sometimes. a river in a way like you know trying to trying to say this is who i am i'm a tough guy or i'm this you got to just learn from mistakes always of course have the ethic of you know just trying to be a good person just trying to be nice trying not to yeah but let me ask you this like you were saying and i was thinking about this the other day you know you nobody's perfect. You can try to strive for perfection. It's kind of a good thing. You don't ever reach it.

But the idea is you can imagine what perfection is in a way. Like you ever feel that way? You ever feel like – you know, like you're doing this thing, which is stand-up, and you keep putting out stuff. In your mind's eye, you have a notion of what the perfect – I don't. I think that's all a waste this is what i do what i or what i what i try to do i i just try to keep writing funny shit just write it make it funny put it together and just do it yeah as well as i know you know i explained this to ari once but it's applicable to me too you know ari and i were talking about comedy and like what's going on now that he has like real

fans and this this this new obligation and i said you know if uh i go i'm an ari shafir fan i go i think you're really hilarious so if i was you know take me out of the the context of being a professional stand-up comedian if i if i was a guy just doing something else and i found out about ari i'd be like oh this guy's funny i would want to buy his cd i would want to buy his dvd i would become an ari shafir fan i go but one once that happens you're the only guy who can give me ari shafir you're the only guy who can produce that material like you have this weird obligation and if you do something like this, comics that were like really big at one point in time and they sort of stopped delivering comedy. They stopped making new specials and people sort of gave up on them because they don't really talk about them that much anymore because they're not getting material from them on a regular basis.

So you're the only Brian Callen. You're the only guy who can reach Brian Callen fans. So I just try to – I know that people think that the ridiculous shit that I do is funny and I know how to do the ridiculous shit I do. So I just keep doing it. That's my thinking. Yeah, the idea that – I guess the idea of perfection is really a static notion and you're never static. You're always a verb i always yeah always trying to uh update the bits it's a little bit different every show there's always something new i'm adding i'm taking away i'm approaching in a different way i'm i'm fucking

with it i'm trying to find out how to do it the right way and and i'll learn along the way through trial and error and from my own feelings of being too verbose or too clunky or whatever the fuck it is and so in that way in doing it like that like you're never in the equation the equation is always the impact of the material how what is the best way i can do to make this funny like what is if i was you know if i'm experiencing this myself like what is the best way to do it so you sort of become a passenger you know it's like you're the one who has to sort of orchestrate it but you know the concept of the muse i hate when i say you know that many times the concept of the muse that's that's a a faker's

um you know i really should be like um um i'm like you know no you don't know anything you don't know what the fuck you're even talking about right now. But I feel like it's the more you can take yourself out of it, the more you can say, I just want to be the best I can be. I want to be perfect. I want to be all that. I shit is like that guy's not doing any comedy. That's right. That one who needs all that. That's an annoying that ego thing.

That's a creepy part of you that you don't want to feed. You want that to shrivel up. You want that to shrivel up. You want that to shrivel up like a witch's tit. You're saying something really interesting because I remember Lawrence Olivier was a famous actor and he'd done this production of King Othello or something like that. And he was amazing and everybody came back and said it was the most incredible performance and he was in a really dark mood. And I said, but what's the matter?

He goes, that was the greatest performance anybody's anybody's ever seen he said i know i just have no idea how to repeat it you know and his thinking was wrong in a sense there you know you just gotta go zen yeah you gotta go zen you gotta go zen and understand that if you can do that that means you could do that it doesn't mean you're gonna do it every night i mean there's gonna be nights like there's times where i'm talking on this podcast where every third or fourth fucking word is my fat stupid tongue is hitting my teeth wrong and you know i gotta excuse me i mean it's called marijuana it's not even that it's i mean it's not it's not that i'm pretty yapper it's just not what i'm trying to say is like there's there's ebbs and flows to things there's never a perfect

absolute sustainable rhythm for anything. So if Florence of Olivier can crush it like that, what that means is that he can crush it like that. It doesn't mean he's going to crush it like that every night, but he crushed it like that live. And it's live. When things are live, it's a different experience. Do you remember in the book of Five Rings when Miyamoto Musashi says, practice something enough so that the thing of itself reveals itself. The spirit of the thing reveals that. What do you think he meant by that?

Well, because the same thing he meant that if you know the way broadly, you can see it in all things. It's the same thing. It's like the way is – the spirit of a thing is really excellence, whether it's bowling or golf or archery. The spirit of a thing is excellence. The spirit of a thing is finding how to control the body and to get it all online where you run up and do that perfect three-point foul shot. Did you ever see that video of that autistic kid that never played basketball before, and they threw him in on the last game? Brian, find this on my Twitter.

This is incredible shit, man. Incredible, incredible shit. This kid, it's kind of unrelated, but this kid is a high-functioning autistic, and they put him in on this basketball game. And he's – like you could tell the kid's like loved by all these teammates. And when they take this kid and they finally let him play in the game, it's like one of their last games, the kid gets up. The place goes nuts.

They love him. They're cheering for him. He throws his first ball, and it's a a he misses by like six feet and they're like Oh Jesus Christ, and then he can't miss he's nailing three pointers from the outside and the crowd is going Fucking crazy this kid misses one shot and then gets in this insane groove of over and over and over again slamming three-pointers. He won, like, the school record. See, he misses. That's not it.

Yeah, that's one of them, yeah. But J-Mac wasn't done. He kept shooting and kept hitting. Another three. Oh, did you start this, like, inside of it a little bit? Okay. Yeah, the beginning they show the first basket which he misses by like six feet and then look at all these kids

oh they went crazy look at them run on the field grab them and they're picking them up and carrying them around their shoulders you imagine how good that kid must have fallen man as an athletic director if i retired today this would be the one thing that i talked about forever wow dude are you kidding me is that amazing that's that's another about forever. Wow. Dude, are you kidding me? Isn't that amazing? That's another word for excellence, I think, as you speak about it as harmony. Everything moving in the way it's supposed to. That's what it sounded like you were talking about.

That's kind of like harmonizing with a frequency, man. Like getting into something and a pattern where everything is firing the way it should. Yeah, and understanding what it, what it really is like, see the more like in Musashi talking about, it's totally applicable to standup comedy because in talking about like the more time you practice it and the more you observe it and the more you understand it, the more it's what it is reveals itself to you. And then you know how to operate and try to achieve excellence within it, whatever it is. Like you're almost riding it. You're almost – it's doing the work.

Yeah, that's why I think that activities are really important for people. There's a lot of people that unfortunately don't engage in activity. They don't engage and they don't have hobbies. Take a problem of lessons or jiu-jitsu. Yeah, like anything like that. Learn a language. Do something. Do something that's exciting.

You learn the art of learning. You know, the problem with our education system, Gore Vidal was saying this, was that we don't have an education system that teaches you how to think. Right. We don't. That's so true.

And there is an art to learning, man. There's an art to learning. There's an art to how to structure. There's an art to being a human being. That's right. It really is. And no one teaches us. We don't know what the fuck we're doing.

We're all idiots raising other people with the same flaws that we were raised with. There's no manual for it. Exactly. And when you look at what we consider our source of education as far as like what is distributed to us nightly, what's the news, right? I mean that's really the education that people have today once you get out of school unless you're reading books on your own where you're getting your information about the world you're getting it from the fucking news well the news doesn't really represent what's a going on in the world and b it doesn't say

anything about how you should be dealing with this how you should be thinking how we how we should resolve these issues. It's like this tattletale that just goes running over and tells us about all the fucked up shit that's happening in the world. But they don't – it's not a dialogue with a person. It's like a source of information. By the way, that complaint goes back at least 3,500 years. Socrates, when he was in his trial,, you take a you wouldn't take a horse to try to ride it and not train it. The same applies to a human being. You've got to you got to start

with with the notion of he was trying to teach philosophy in the sense that you better you better know what questions to ask throughout your life. And we should start with young people, educate young people the right way with the right questions. If you don't do that, then you've got to start with a base almost. And we don't. We don't do that, man. It's almost like learning jiu-jitsu, just learning moves without learning the principles behind it first. Yeah, well, it's also like learning jiu-jitsu without going over the real correct drills. Learning real live applications and the way school is set up.

You know it again, you motherfucker. The way school is set up, they have X amount of thousand kids and they have to get these kids through with a basic understanding of the building blocks of our world. They have to understand math. They have to understand how to structure a sentence. They have to understand how to form paragraphs and. They have to understand how to form paragraphs. They've got to know what happened in the past. And then you're off on your own.

Good luck, fucker. Next stop, college. You talk about taking yourself out of the equation. That's an Asian thing more than a Western thing, certainly more than American. They had Chinese people look at a fish tank, and then they had Americans look at a fish tank. The Americans described the fish. a fish tank and then they had Americans look at the fish tank. The Americans described the fish. The Chinese described how the relationship between the rocks, the seaweed, the fish,

the boat in there and everything. They were looking at the entire picture. And that's a lot of it is my buddy was a paramedic in, a medic, I'm sorry, in Vietnam for two tours. And one of the things he found was that the Viet Cong, when they would get injured, they wouldn't go into shock. And you could interrogate them. They wouldn't go into shock. The Americans would get hit, and a lot of times they'd go into shock. And it's very dangerous when you go into shock, which is actually, you know what shock is? The panic.

The lockup. Yeah, but your body will take all the blood from your extremities and go right to where the wound is, sort of like the core area and your body can shut down. It's very dangerous. And that is from panic. That's right. That's from your heart races instead of slowing down. And so why?

Well, one of the things was that when an American would get shot, you'd go, holy shit, I've been shot. And you focus on that wound. When a Viet Cong would get shot, they were taught that the whole culture wasn't about you. You were a leaf on a very big tree. Put your attention out there. And that was kind of one of the things he took back from Vietnam because somebody said to him, you've been teaching this acting class from 7 to 12 for five years. I've never seen you yawn once, not once. And he says, I don't think about myself.

I'm never part of this equation, man. I learned a long time ago even if I'm tired, it's just a form of energy. And I spent a lot of time, if I start worrying about being tired, I'll get tired. He was 55 and he just was very good at taking himself completely out of the equation. Yeah, I think that you can definitely trip yourself up with some bad behavior patterns as far as your feeling and your health and the negativity that you see in the environment all over the place. I mean we've all been around that one person that just complains about everything like, oh, great. Look at the hotel we're staying at.

Oh, fuck. Look at this fucking place. Oh, Jesus. Great, great. This place hasn't been updated since the 70s. Will you shut the fuck up, man? There's a guy who – I don't want to speak out of turn. I don't know his name, but he's a writer.

He tried to kill himself and he was listening to birds. And some his girl was there and she was talking to him. And she said, listen to the birds. He goes, what do you hear? He said, I don't I don't like listening to birds. She said, why? She goes, they're so beautifully says you hear beauty. I hear a bunch of animals trying to fight for territory and scratch out and yelling at each other. And she went, hey, dude, don't ruin birds for me, man. at each other and she went hey dude don't ruin birds for me man you may be smart as fuck but i don't want to be your kind of smart you know and it really is a question of what you choose to look at what you choose to hear well how emotionally invested you choose to be and whether these birds fight to the death it's also your belief system right yeah you know what i mean you're you can change your belief system in some ways well choosing whether or not you're going to be affected by all this information you know what i was going to say is that when we were talking about needing some sort of a lesson in how to think and how to operate the mind, if the human mind, if the human body was just the human experience, if that was an instrument that you had to learn to use, just the human experience, if that wasn't an instrument that you had to learn to use, think about navigating the human life with the human body and language. And think about if you came from somewhere else and the human body wasn't –

and the human experience wasn't just a person living a life but rather was a ride that you had to figure out how to how to master how to accomplish and that the human animal with its creative abilities with its abilities to reach out to people with its ability to build buildings and use electricity all these different things that's a that's a that's a vehicle that's what that is learn it learn how to use that vehicle you would have intensive study for a for years and years and years of just trying to figure out how to go about the correct way of doing this. It would be like – you would have to figure out what is the best way to think. What is the best way – most beneficial way to you to approach every project as a person moving around in this human world with this human machine. It would be like a super

complicated thing but instead it's just two people fucking some guy shoots a load in the girl she swells up blank a person comes out no one knows shit it's a good sound effects by the way thank you so the three of them are standing there no one knows what the fuck is going on and they keep doing the same thing they keep interacting with each other same thing the way the human the way the human being and the human body interacts with the world is so bizarre and complicated and to get it right and correct takes so much fucking thinking it's amazing we just let these things just go loose out into the world. Right. You know, I mean – Which is why people are desperate and lonely and forsaken and forgotten and all that stuff. Well, we're caught in this machine.

There's a real machine going on with society today. And that machine is the building of society, the increasing of bandwidth, the interconnectivity that's provided by technology. It's all of that. And it's all of that with this exponentially increasing momentum behind it. And we're all caught up in that. And we're caught up in that. And we have mortgages. And we have bills.

And we have all these. But what we're doing is we're feeding this system. We're feeding the system of televisions and computers and cell phones and new clothes. It's distracting. It's so distracting. It's distracting from the real questions. You start unknowledgeable. And the Greeks always said you go from knowledge, but you don't jump all the way to wisdom.

There's an in-between place, which is correct opinion. Correct opinion comes from when you study as you're reaching for wisdom, you start to develop as the world crystallizes around you with the right teaching and stuff. You start to learn what sort of the correct way to look and reach and follow

and the correct opinion is and then you finally get to a point where you understand and can explain why that is the correct opinion. That takes a long fucking time. That's life mastery in a way. But it's like what you're saying.

We don't have a system, and we try to with public education, but we don't have a way or a system to really teach people how to live the art of living. No, no one knows what the fuck they're doing. The people that we were raised by, they didn't know what the fuck they're doing either. I mean, my parents are very nice people. My mother is, uh, with my stepdad, they've been together forever. It's like, they're a very nice couple.

They're very nice people, but they were raised by people who didn't know shit and their parents were raised by people who didn't know shit. And this era that we're living in right now, it's like human beings are just starting to wake up and realize that we were all living in this weird sort of momentous world, this world that moves on momentum. And momentum doesn't make any sense at all. And we're all just waking up realizing that it was set up by people who didn't know what the fuck they were doing. I mean they knew how to build buildings. They knew how to build buildings. They knew how to use electricity.

But no one knew how to teach society how to chill the fuck out, relax, and enjoy each other. Not one fucking person besides like Martin Luther King and a few people with some dreamy speeches, not one person emphasizes that in the role of government. Not one person is pushing that like can't we figure out a way that human beings are just nicer to each other can't we figure out a way where there's maybe a little bit less profit but also less pollution and less fucking with people and less like less control over the human populace a lot of it isn't that possible i would say i would say though you're also dealing with the residue of of a most of human history almost all of it has been not enough to eat yeah and dying of disease oh yeah no it's no doubt there's been a lot of things that led us to this point but this is also the first point we have a responsibility as the human beings that

have the first access to this sort of information to not be looked at like a bunch of silly fucks by the people of the future because that's a real problem because if i look back i mean living this life right now just looking at all the silly nonsense that human beings are involved with like everybody i look on twitter and everybody has these fucking equal signs on their uh their their twitter avatar to let every let everyone know that they're into marriage equality. It's equality. It's marriage equality. You should be – that's like saying – having that on your Twitter avatar, you might as well just say water's wet.

Is hot hot? Is cold cold? Of course marriage equality makes sense. The fact that you even have to – who are you talking to? makes sense the fact that you even have to who are you talking to well this is i know but but seriously in 2013 anybody we should find out who doesn't have that on their avatar it should be that let's how about nobody use their face anymore and and let's let's find out and the people who have a problem with it it gives a shit whether or not a couple of lesbians want to marry each other you're an asshole right like you're an

asshole and maybe nobody tells you you're an asshole but why do you give a fuck about them you worrying at all about what other people are doing sucks it sucks for everyone around you you fuck everything up you care that two people love each other they want to sign some paperwork why do you give a fuck what do you give a fuck if she signs some paperwork that the other chick's going to be her ass-eating slave till the end of time? And she'll have to be reincarnated as a future ass-eater. And upon turning 18,

we resume her practice. This chick's going to be immortal. Write that on paper. What fucking difference does it make? Why do you care? If you care, you're an asshole. You're just an asshole it's fucking dumb it's the desire to control the people and impose your mythology or your belief system on someone else it's some really uncreative fucks too who are not thinking about

how ridiculous you're going to look in the future when they're looking back in the past the way they looked at those idiots that thought that leeches were the best way to cure your broken leg, those fucking people, we laugh at them today. And don't tell me about scientific applications of leeches, you fucks, because there's none. There's none. I can see you getting a bunch of those. People are like, you know, there are medical applications for leeches. People sent me that because I was making fun of leeches. Aren't they using them for gangrene?

Yeah, you can use them for stuff. But guess what? Medicine works better for almost everything. They're using maggots for gangrene? Yeah, you can use them for stuff. But guess what? Medicine works better for almost everything. They're using maggots for gangrene. Maggots. Yeah, maggots. But they do use leeches for something too, like to coagulate blood or some shit. Well, maggots will eat all the necrophile tissue, right?

Right. They'll clean up. Yeah, and they stop infections. Yeah. It's really kind of crazy. It's good for you. Then maggots eating your flesh is good for you. They put a cast on you.

They throw a bunch of maggots down there. Yeah, because they can't eat you. They can only eat the stuff that's fucked up. So crazy. Yeah. I mean, they're not really like good eaters. No. So like it pays to have them all mushed up in your wounds.

And they actually, apparently they're good eating if you need to. Well, they're a high source of protein, right? Yeah. You can keep that shit. Well, it's interesting how we have these really clear views about what is and isn't good food or something that you should eat? Yeah. And crabs and spiders. Could there be an animal that's closer to looking like each other?

Well, they're in the same family. Yeah, they're in the same family. Once I found out that lobsters were in the lice family, I couldn't eat lobsters anymore. I was like, what do you mean they're in the lice family i couldn't eat lobsters anymore i was like they're part what do you mean they're in the lice family have you ever seen those dudes in the jungle that they cook up the tarantulas no you never seen them they look yummy it looks like a soft shell crab really i bet i bet i bet i bet they taste good they're all in the same family but we have this weird thing right like when we're talking about maggots. Like if it wasn't maggots. Look, what is hemp forest protein? It's fucking ground up plants.

Mushy ground up plants. Like, okay, you eat plants. Got it. Okay, what are maggots? Maggots are just these little fleshy things. Okay, well, what do you eat? Tell me what you do eat. What are you cool with?

You cool with yogurt? I eat the flesh off an animal. You cool with yogurt? You know what that is? You know, you're eating like a fucking civilization. You know, you're eating a living organism. You're eating acidophilus, a pure living organism. All bacteria.

Yeah, what are you doing, stupid? Do you know what you're doing? It's good stuff. But you're like, no, maggots are bad. Maggots are your little buddies. They're your little wound-cleaning buddies. They're full of protein. And you're saying no to them.

Yep. Keep a sacrum. But yet you're just chugging down that fucking corn-fed beef. These fatty, diseased cows. Fat, sloppy, heart-pounding as they pump sludgy blood through fucking caked-up arteries. Abscessed livers living in their own shit. Oh my god, just the fucking amount of fat that you get on a – but that's the only way to get a delicious ribeye. The kind that you really – oh, you cook it over mesquite.

Just a little salt and pepper. Don't get crazy. All you need is a little salt and pepper. I know. The grass-fed beef, though, once you get used to that, it's – to me, it's – I feel so much better eating it. Maybe it's psychological. No, the oils – first of all, they're ruminants, so cows are supposed to eat grass. They don't eat grains.

Well, they're definitely, you're eating a healthier animal for sure. It tastes more like game. And also the oils in the meat are very different when they eat grass versus when they eat corn. The oils are? Yes. The fatty acids are, I believe, I can't remember what the ratio, what it is, but the fatty acids literally change from like omega-3 to omega-6 or something like that. Wow.

So when you eat a bison or you eat grass-fed beef, the oils are healthier. And a lot of heart doctors on Dr. Oz are prescribing grass-fed beef because it helps with inflammation. It actually brings inflammation in the body down according to a lot of research. That's really interesting because I talked to a woman who was a chiropractor. We were talking about discs because I got a disc issue on my back. And she said besides this thing called the McKenzie Protocol, it's like a series of stretches that they use to elongate the spine. She said changing the diet is very important. elongate the spine she said changing the diet is very important and she recommended a bunch of different anti-inflammatories um and cutting out all wheat yeah that that that believe it or not

like people who are eating gluten and like that the more and more people are sort of understanding that what you're doing is just slowly poisoning yourself with that stuff but you can handle it yeah that's really what's going on and when you cut it out you're like oh whoa yeah why do i feel so good now like what's going on like that stuff's not good for you i stopped eating bread and like also because it's got a high glycemic index it's kind of like spikes your insulin so i eat brown rice and yams and i just feel better when i do that i do that but yet i don't i'm not rigid i still will go to a nice italian restaurant and have bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar and you mean the way the sicilians do and they live till 105 yeah yeah that's i wonder how much bread they they ate do they eat a lot of bread well you know when you

go there you see the bread they eat it is it is healthy. It's a meal in itself, dude. Wow. Like you see the bread up in like – you go to northern Italy. I went to this place. I walk into this bread place. That bread is – it doesn't look like bread, okay? It looks like just a – like a block of seeds and nuts. You're like, what the fuck?

You could hit somebody in the head and they'd die. My grandfather used to – my grandfather came over here during the Depression on a boat. His family hopped in a boat from Italy and came over here. That's a fun ride, by the way. And they lived in this like seriously Italian neighborhood in New Jersey. And we used to – it was almost dead by the time I got older. But when I lived with him for a bit when I first moved to New York when I was like 23, I guess, 23 or 24, I lived with my grandfather for like a year. And he would still go buy his bread from this place in New Jersey.

And there's some people that had been there from the 1950s. They had been selling bread in this one, probably even more. I think it was actually the 30s. They were there. Real legit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was this old school bread place. And they would go and get the bread every day

and that's how the immigrants got by. That shit is delicious, by the way. Yeah, everything was homemade tomato sauce. My grandmother was always cooking things

and it was always homemade. Look, they grew their own tomatoes. They turned them into tomato sauce. They made their own pasta. My grandmother would be rolling pasta. Nothing came out of a can.

Screaming at my grandfather. Get off me, Joe. You leave me alone, Joe. I'm tired of your bullshit i'm gonna tell you right now i'm gonna move in with my sister she would be like oh they would go crazy my grandparents were sicilian and i was the same thing nothing came out of a can my grandfather was fucking well they didn't have money when they were kids too it's like the idea of paying for something which costs more when you can grow in your backyard. Like what are you, stupid? My grandfather would show up with a wheel of Parmesan, a wheel.

And it would sit – we had a food pantry and it would sit in this big closet like food pantry. Like you could walk into it. You know, there's a real issue with cheese in this country and milk in that people want everything to be pasteurized and homogenized. And that raw milk, when it's from an excellent source, should be available to you just like raw eggs are available to you, just like raw meat. And it should be clear and obvious as to whether or not you're eating bad food. Like when you're eating a steak, okay, and if you buy a steak and the steak sits in your refrigerator for like five or six days,

you don't get to it, it starts to get a little funky. You know why? That's because it's a fucking thing from an animal and it's it used to be alive it's decaying and that shit's real and as soon as you stop that process okay as soon as you step in you're monkeying around with nature okay and i know i know it's good and i know it's helped a lot of people get through some really dark times in this world where milk, because it was homogenized and pasteurized, they could keep it longer and it fed people. But at a certain point in time, we have to realize that all that homogenization and pasteurization is not the healthy way to do it. The healthy way to do it is to eat it fresh. They're like the healthy way to do anything. And then it becomes this industry with taking this milk and changing it through this process of homogenization and pasteurization. Well, what happens to those people?

If you don't have to homogenize and pasteurize milk, then what, are we out of business? Listen, Charlie, I've been giving you a lot of money all these years. I supported you for governor in 84. I would support you again. So we got to make raw milk illegal now. It's illegal for your own safety. They arrest people for selling raw milk. You can't get raw cheese.

Raw cheese is super fucking hard to get, man, because they want you to use homogenized and pasteurized milk. Because if just some Joe Blow farmer who has no access to homogenization or pasteurization just starts selling his milk and people actually like it, well, the fucking world could end. We've got a real problem. his milk and people actually like it, well, the fucking world could end. We've got a real problem. And that's where – that's why the only thing we should all be talking about is campaign finance reform, the idea that money in politics, as long as there's money in politics, you're going to have very powerful, wealthy interests controlling even what the fuck you eat. Well, yeah, and I think it's not a bad option.

This is what I want to once say because if you are in a low-income household and you're in a situation where when you buy a gallon of milk like that gallon of milk needs to all be used and stay and it goes yeah and pasteurize milk right and if it if you you know if it lasts for a week and a half with pasteurization but it only lasts three days if it's raw that fucks your family sure and i completely understand that so what we have to look at then if you're looking at a holistic approach is how do we eliminate that from civilized society how do we eliminate people that are working in such poverty that they're worried about their milk being bad if it goes three days like milk how much does milk cost like what is milk? Like four bucks or something like that?

It all depends. For a lot of people, that's a deal breaker. They're really trying to put it all together. That's kind of fucked up. That's kind of crazy that some guy could be working in a job all day, every day, and then they take taxes out of that. And then when you look at it, he still doesn't have enough money to eat natural food. That's where the food stamps program comes from. That's all those things, all those answers.

But that's not the answer, right? The answer is sort of a restructuring of how much your time is worth. Like what is – and figuring out also how to find some way. I mean it's – the society we live in is really sort of like a really nutty game. Finding your spot in that game and finding how to exact points from that game. Well, you just said it's finding your spots because as technology grows exponentially and our economy will start to change exponentially, there isn't – you've got to figure out how to make yourself useful and traditional you know labor and things is is not going to be worth and already is this case it's not going to be worth what it was when a robot can do it and stuff so then then where does where does a human being where are you

what does your skill set have to be my guess is you're going to have to constantly be taking classes and constantly be changing yeah and constantly keeping up with a, with an economy that is always moving at a speed of life. You know, I mean, it's, it's moving very quickly. The speed of life. That's a funny thing to say. The speed of life. And that, that's really what it is.

Like the speed of life is, it's constantly ever changing. And to think that somehow or another you're obligated, you know, to, to have a job. I've been a cobbler. My family were cobblers. What's going on? I can't make shoes anymore. Change. I can't.

Change. Yeah. Either that or make some shoes that are undeniably dope that everybody wants to go to your shoe store and buy your handmade shoes because they're so fucking badass. Yeah. But unless you attain that sort of perfection at your craft, you're not going to attract people. You're going to have to find something that like imagine if you were like really into owning a record store

and you're like man look everybody needs records okay i'll tell you man record store is always gonna be around it's a great investment i'm gonna take my money i'll put it in records economists always talk about this economists always talk about how things become obsolete and there's always got to be the the economy the capitalist economy is based on the notion that here's how they do it and i'm going to come along and do it better for a premium i'll come up with a better way to do what you're doing and that's the idea you know that you always i got a better car for you you know your car's breaking down i got a better car you know i'll fix that problem for you

sort of but yeah i mean we are always constantly improving things and that's one of the more fascinating things about the human condition to me you I love that I got this Apple Retina laptop thing. Look how skinny. It's so tiny and light. I love that. And you don't need any more computers than that. It's not like I can spend money on that. Oh, but you're so wrong.

I do. If they come up with a new one, it's better and more awesome. But I'm just saying that there's not a huge difference. Once you get that, it's all you need. It's very easy now to get everything you need as far as like a visual experience or just access to information. I think to try to deny or slow down the idea that we're going to continue to pump out newer, greater, crazier shit and that you're going to continue to want it lustfully. It's ridiculous at this point. It's fucking ridiculous.

It's just – it's a part of what humans are. And your attraction to it is just like your attraction to tits. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Especially if you know you're never going to be able to touch them. But a girl with great tits can walk in your room and you just go, oh, look at those fucking things. Changes the whole fucking equation. What a good kid. You just look at them, they're just round and they move when she moves. And every girl in the room is pissed because she's not wearing a bra. Oh, that fucking equation. What a good kid. You just look at him this round and they move and she moves

and every girl in the room is pissed because she's not wearing a bra. Oh, that fucking bitch. Look at her. I can't believe she's not wearing a bra.

What a fucking whore. Oh my God, I can't believe she's not wearing a bra. She shows up in my fucking thing and she's not even wearing a bra.

This fucking pig. She shows up, her tits are poking out. She's a real pig. She's trying to suck every dick in the room. Yeah. Otherwise known as my type. I remember when I was with a bunch of girls and I was like she's trying to suck every dick in the room. Yeah. That's otherwise known as my type.

I remember when I was with a bunch of girls. I was like, I don't know, a long time ago. And this girl comes in. And she had eyeliner on. And she had, like, she'd drawn a line around her lips. She had this. She was like really kind of. She had high heels.

And all the girls were like, ew, look at how gross she is. She's just so fucking trashy. And I was like, that's what I call what i call 1000 this guy's type you fucking you fucking boring white chicks from connecticut with your flat shoes and your shitty jeans fuck off i was like the east coast holds those hot girls god damn does it ever they hold them down they ridicule them they think they're a bad part of society when women see girls dressing slutty or flirty they fucking hate them that's like boston irish chicks fuck that yeah that chick wears nice heels you fucking hooker does your mother know you're

out there sucking cock for nickels exactly hey that's attractive honey i think i'll date you and not the fucking italian princess over there they'll hold her back oh god with her painted toes and her her fucking skimpy skirt they hate haters haters oh god sad there's a lot of haters out there man and that's it's a sad thing that women can't express themselves the way they might be that way though like i if i if i didn't have outlets like like uh what do you mean you know no no in other words like if you if you were just a dude and there was some guy who shows up like fucking shop shows up like with his shirt off and the girls are all like i want to have sex with that guy and even your wife is like i love that guy well your

wife's a cunt she's a mouse how about that that's bullshit when dudes when do you bring when dudes bring their wife over to me sometimes and they'll say something like, you're the one on the list. She's a lot of sexier. What are you talking about, stupid? Why are you accepting that from her? Why would you let anybody? And these guys are like, look. Shut the fuck up.

If your wife says, I think Brendan Schaap's hot. She's an asshole. If you're married to some chick and she does that, just like you're achebag if you you make her feel like that right exactly if you do that on purpose that's no but i'm just saying dish behavior that is a guy you have outlets it doesn't matter a lot of guys are better looking i just go yeah i make you laugh so fuck you and you like me anyway because you have a reoccurring theme i do you have a reoccurring theme we're accepting you're you're like going look i'm not to this i'm not to that i'm not to this i'm not the this, I'm not the that, I'm not the this, I'm not the that, but I'm the this. That's this reoccurring thing.

It is very self-defining. I've been writing a script about that. Yeah? Yeah, but a guy tries to become a man. Let that shit go. No way. Who's going to star in it, Paul Reiser? Yes, he is. Paul Reiser.

And Paul Reiser. No disrespect to Paul Reiser. I loved him in Aliens. Yeah. That was his greatest movie ever. I auditioned for Paul Reiser and Paul Reiser no disrespect to Paul Reiser I just I loved him in Aliens yeah that was his greatest movie ever I auditioned for Paul Reiser once he was really cool did you ever see him in Aliens

yes it wasn't a funny role at all it was like a really creepy guy role and he fucking nailed it his acting was so believable man he played a real creep man and he did an awesome job

that's that's a that's right a great role I was amazed that he never did more serious roles because he did an awesome job that's that's a oh that's right a great role i was amazed that he never did more serious roles because he was so good in that i mean maybe he didn't enjoy it you know i mean he was in one of the greatest horror movies of all time i mean why not just like cut your losses but he went and did like a lot of comedies but he was awesome he just made so

much money on mad about you i think think. You make $50 million. We had some cameramen that said that Helen Hunt was mean. I've heard that. Yeah. People get sick. She probably wanted to be in theater or perhaps film. She won an Oscar. I've actually had a couple conversations with her.

She's very cool. You never know. She didn't want to be on that shitty sitcom. Yeah, that I understand. That shit is torture. is torture sixth year you're like and i would i do not i mean i i am absolutely not saying oh poor them to you folks out there go hey i'll take that fucking job at a heartbeat and i know you would and you're right in saying that and yes it is a good job but there's something about doing a really bad show that is soul-stealing. Oh, my God.

It's weird. Yeah. I've only been involved in one bad sitcom ever. I've done some pilots that were so bad that I was hiding in my dressing room. See, I need good, funny people around me. Yeah. If I'm doing a TV show, it could be shitty. If I like the people around me, I'll bear with it for a long time because the acting gets in the way and I'm just fucking around all day.

I didn't do many pilots.'ve only did i did like one one big pilot it was an interesting one for this thing called overseas oh yeah i remember i tested for that i remember you got that yeah they uh well i was on news radio yeah and he was trying to find one guy to play this like a peace corps a group of peace corps guys, it was like something along those lines. It was funny, actually. I thought it was really funny. You know, who knows why people do and don't do certain projects or some pilots go and then other shows that are just terrible

just stay on the air for a long period of time. It doesn't make any sense, but the process is fucking hard. It's not easy to do. It's like creating a new show and figuring out the right way to do it and the right character and you know and then how much wacky neighbor do we need and yeah this is not that's like a super complicated thing it's chemistry right it's like all these moving parts have to work in you know uh alec baldwin said one time when a movie's successful it's a fucking accident and and the reason it's an accident is there are so many moving parts that any little thing can go wrong, including the weather, including some crazy who

shoots up a movie theater, including whatever it might be. And if nothing, if everything isn't working perfectly, and uses the Jim, the Jim Carrey, the Ace Ventura thing, he was doing the getaway. It was this huge movie, Kim Basinger, him, they were the remake of the Steve McQueen thing is the biggest movie. And along comes and they were they were going to be number one no always tracking that way and along comes this little movie called ace ventura pet detective and fucking just steals the whole show you know and he was saying if a movie does really well it's a fucking accident man everything's got to be it's a well ace ventura pet detective probably did great because they let jim carrey do whatever the fuck he wanted to do

because nobody saw that coming nobody nobody saw that coming they're like look we got jim carrey yeah what are you gonna do jim good i got this character so it does this fucking wacky over the top shit and everybody loves it i died yeah i met so many people i saw like critically at the time they were just destroying that movie and talking about what a piece of shit it is. I was dying. I was howling. But that idea that everybody needs to do the same kind of comedy is so stupid. You can't appreciate a wacky – I know that you like Louis Black, but can't you like a wacky guy too?

Why are you holding back? Don't be a comedy snob, man. What about – did you see Burt Wonderstone? How did that movie do? I don't know what that is. I heard it was awful. Oh, yeah? What is be a comedy snob, man. What about, did you see Burt Wonderstone? How did that movie do? I don't know what that is. I heard it was awful. Oh, yeah. What is it?

It's a magic movie. Jim Carrey and Steve Carell and all that. It's a new movie. Didn't he get in trouble because he was making fun of Charlton Heston? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I didn't see the video.

Do you want to watch it? Let's pull it up. Apparently, he did some controversial video where he was mocking Charlton Heston, who was dead. And, you know, one of his famous expressions. Keep your dirty hands off me. No, no, no. You're taking my rifle when you pry my cold, dead hands. Yeah.

Well, apparently Jim Carrey. Michael Moore took that out of context, too, apparently. Michael Moore. There's no out of context. There's no out of context. There's no out of context when you say you'll take my rifle out of my cold dead hands. It's impossible to take that out of context. You only say that when either A, you're joking around or B, you're fucking psycho.

There's one or two things and I think that Charlton Heston was a fucking psycho. There's a third thing. He was just being dramatic. Yeah. He's a psycho. That guy liked guns and yeah, you were going to have to kill him for it. Do we have that video?

Is it the funny or die video? I think it is. Yeah, yeah. Let's see this because this is the first time seeing it. It's Hee Haw. Why did the ventriloquist quit drinking? Because he's like a real dumb. Well, hi, Owen. Howdy, fine folks. And welcome back to Hee Haw.

This is a really long video, so... Hold on, hold on. Walter, it's an absolute pleasure to be here in the sight of God on On hee-haw. But who would be laughing if it weren't for the patriots who answer the call of freedom? Well, I'm... The aliens. They would exploit our every weakness and suck the brains out of every living soul.

They'd be laughing, but not like you and me. They'd go this is making me dumber just watching it yeah it's on funny or die it's a five minute video though six minute video are people really upset about this it's not that good. It was on CNN. He's fake-masturbating with a gun in his hand. This is... We're watching mental illness.

This is madness. Did anybody put that together, watched it, and went, I think it's good. Let's let this out man is your allergies really fucking you up right now no no no why because it's like super extreme outside right now like for indoor for dust and dander i don't have um i don't have allergies me neither i'm lucky yeah i'm lucky yeah i accept uh a gluten people get so stupid about i don't think i've ever seen a thing, like watched a cartoon

or something like that and been offended. What are you talking about? How can anybody be offended? I'm offended that they stole three minutes of my time watching Jim Carrey do a guy that died 80 years ago. My belief system isn't that shoddy that you're going to say something that's going to throw me into a loop, a tizzy! Well, not only that,

but because there's a reaction to that where you... He's obviously knowing that what he's doing is sort of controversial. So in that, in like sort of accepting that, what he's doing and what he's making fun of is like so mild because it's like the fact that he's doing it at all is what's supposed to be controversial about it. Right. He's going to mock Charlton Heston. So you've got like this artificial like energy that you think is attached to a bit but that's not attached to a bit for me okay because it's not controversial to me it's not at all so it's just kind of dumb like why are you even thinking about charlton heston you're talking about a dead guy that said

something weird a long time ago like if you were really if you really had something to say it should be a lot funnier than that. I agree. Like that's silly. Yeah, it's silly. It's folly. Yeah. But you always wonder like a guy like Jim Carrey who starts off his career with that sort of Ace Ventura thing where he's just – or Fire Marshal Bill. Remember that? Yeah.

Completely over the top. Hilarious shit. Hilarious. You can't do that when you're 60. No. Nobody wants to see Jerry Lewis with his fucking fake Japanese teeth when he's 60. No. You didn't want to see that.

You don't mind it when he's 25 or 30. It's kind of silly and wacky. But there's a transitionary period for those types of comedians where it gets weird. Shit gets weird when they're hitting 40. Like Emo Phillips sort of dropped that thing. Yeah. Like Emo Phillips sort of dropped that thing. He would do a thing like this where he would move all around the stage and talk kind of crazy. I can't. I've never got that.

It hurts my brain. But he doesn't do it anymore. He can't do it anymore. Now he does stand-up. So it's like you're in a trap. You're looking at a beautiful flower and it ain't going to last. That's right. You better learn how to reinvent yourself to last. That's right. It ain't going to last.

You better learn how to reinvent yourself right quick. It's fucking hard. Well, Bobcat Goldthwait eventually sort of reinvented himself. I think he was held by that sort of screaming, which is hilarious. I mean, when you nail something as good as his character, it must be so hard to let go. I mean, that character, that Bobcat Goldthwait character, I mean, he did so many of those fucking Police Academy movies. He did comedy specials. You ever listen to Meet Bob, his CD?

It's fucking great. It's really funny. Bobcat, I know him. I mean, I've worked with him twice, and he's a great guy. He's a really smart dude who's really kind of understated and quiet, actually. He's a great guy. It's the exact opposite of that. He had to abandon the Bobcat character. do you know who fucking makes me laugh do you know one of the

funniest human beings on the fucking planet is um um uh oh god uh who's who talks at gilbert godfrey yeah oh he's very funny oh my god just hanging out with that guy oh my god well he's a real old school legit comic yeah you know i. I mean he's been around forever. Gilbert has been legit forever and he's still – he'll still tweet ridiculous shit and get fired from campaigns and shit. And it's just because that's who he is. Oh, man. And he's awesome. I celebrate that shit.

I think that the kind of guys who say like really ridiculous, preposterous shit and offensive shit like a Gilbert Gottfried and do it on a regular basis. Ridiculous, preposterous shit and offensive shit like a Gilbert Gottfried and do it on a regular basis. Like that's – why is it OK for you to have a movie where you're pretending that you're a bad guy shooting cops? Why is that OK? And it's not OK for Gilbert Gottfried to pretend to be some calloused crazy man who's making fun of AIDS. I call them up. I call them up to do an AIDS for children with AIDS benefit that I do every year. And I couldn't – I couldn't even get a sentence. The minute he heard it, he goes, fuck the kids with AIDS.

Tell them to stop using drugs. Fuck them. And he just kept saying it over and over again. I'm fucking dying. I'm telling you to use a condom. I'm not doing it. He just wouldn't let me get a point. Then he hung up on me.

I was like, all right. He's legit. He's the real deal. He's a real comic. He's so funny. Do you know that feeling like, yeah, it's a real comic? We all have that thing where there's – Yeah, but what is it?

It's being – when you say that, he's a real comic, and I know exactly what you mean. Not being some phony fucking weirdo. You're not being phony. You're being – you believe the person. That's who that guy is, man. For better or for worse, that's who he is on stage. If you run into a comic at the airport and it's like Chucky McFucklesticks and like some dude that's hacking it up around all over the country. And one of those guys he's just

like oh jesus like uh you'll hide your head and look down and right but if you you see bill burr you know you're gonna go like bill what's up like you feel good about the world you see guy bill burr you go oh that guy's legit that's a real guy a real human being i can actually have a conversation with well not only that i mean it's like when you run into them you know if you run into a fellow comedian it's like it's a it's a sort of a rare fraternity yes there's not a lot of us out there no you get lucky and run into one when you're on the road you speak a language you know there's an intimacy there that like sort of like you know that you can't they have an experience that most people haven't had you know that you have and you can't really share with other people as much you know

like just the road must be like that with. I mean it must be like that for brain surgeons. Imagine if you're like some famous neurosurgeon and all of a sudden you're on a flight with another famous neurosurgeon. You're like, oh, what have you been using for techniques? Are you finding that stops blood clots? It seems like that would be the case with everything. Just like sort of Musashi was talking about, that you find whatever it is. You find what it is. Well, because it's a language.

I mean it's a language. Everything is a language. You get more and more fluent with things. I mean think about what jiu-jitsu is. Jiu-jitsu is a language, man. It's a physical language. And there are answers to what somebody gives to you and somebody who doesn't speak that language is fucked. Yeah. Everything is that way. gives to you and and and somebody doesn't speak that language is fucked yeah you know everything

is that way and by the way it's also it part of that language is rhythm there's a rhythm there's a there's a speed there's a tempo to everything that you do and it varies on what you're doing you know there's uh and and your personality informs what that rhythm is you know some guys when they do jujitsu are fucking explosive crazy. And then other guys are really passive and just, they lock you up when they need to. Right. Just all depends on what your expression of the thing it is you're doing, you know, and you can always feel, and you can always tell when someone is authentic, not only because they last for a long time, but I really think human beings, if you're keyed in, we all have antenna

for what's legit. We all have like, like sensitive antenna for what's legit we all have like like sensitive antenna for what's you can get fooled for a little while when you're young but at the end of the day you know i think we all have a sort of a i think if you're lying to yourself you can get fooled fairly easily i think that's the thing with these scams most people are lying to themselves most people have to lie to themselves in order to keep a job or a wife or a husband or you know there's a yeah there's a lot of people that have to kind of bullshit themselves you know and uh it's not even that they have to bullshit themselves it also could be that they got on a path of bullshitting themselves at one point in time to sort of accept it's too thick and too many responsibilities even though they've moved on in their career they're moving forward

in life like i knew a dude who was – he had done movies, OK? But he was still full of shit. He was like a movie star but he would lie to you. He would lie to you about like fake kickboxing matches that he had. Talk to you about all these different things that he was doing that he definitely wasn't doing. He would just make shit up. Wow. So he had still been connected to all this whatever whatever negative thing that

he had held on to he still never realized how to let it go while he was advancing in all these other areas in his life so while he's becoming a successful millionaire movie star yeah he was also still a liar you see that a lot man strange i know i know somebody who's got just this like on paper their life is so fucking amazing. They're really good looking, lots of money, crazy nice house, healthy, great kids, successful. And they are taking lots of antidepressants just to get out of bed because there's something fucking – and it's not a chemical thing so much for them. It's just this malaise, dissatisfaction, anxiety they're always suffering from. Well, I think it's also an example, an excellent example of that super complicated machine being run by an incompetent driver.

If it's not an emotion or it's not a chemical problem in your brain, if it's not a disease or a disorder that's giving you the wrong amount of hormones, disease or a disorder that's giving you the wrong amount of hormones and it's some sort of a behavioral issue that you've picked up over the years and a pattern that you keep repeating over and over again that's a sign of someone who was given a very complicated thing human life and didn't know how the fuck to drive it right just slammed it into trees and fucked it up and got it hooked on meth and just went crazy with it, didn't know what it was doing. Instead of someone who had never lived in a physical form, ethereal in nature, and the universe gives you an opportunity, hey, listen, we've got an opening down on Earth. If you want, we have a baby human available, loving household. Everyone is dedicated to the idea of taking this baby human

and developing it into a full-form, functional human being. So you've got an excellent support system behind you. But you're going to have to start from scratch, okay? You're going to know no knowledge whatsoever right out of the gate. You're going to have to – people will teach you at first. And then you're going to have to develop a voracious appetite for knowledge. All in all, it's going to take about, shit, 30 years before you even know how to fucking do anything correctly or fit in with the other people in your realm. But, hey, it's better than being gas.

So what do you want to do? Do you want to be a spirit in the next stage of afterlife? It's better than being gas. Or do you want to take a fucking chance and ride a human flesh machine to the brink of the end of civilization? Come on, bitch. What are you going to live forever? I like that. That's a really cool theme to write a story about.

You want to be gassy. You want to ride this human flesh machine. It's very possible that's what happened. Yeah. I mean, this idea of the world being a simulation, maybe it's not a simulation in a sense. An impression. Maybe the whole thing's fucking crazy

and blips in and out of realities. And maybe you are some sort of gaseous soul form in another dimension. And then you live this life as a person and then you pop out on the other side and you're some other thing. It's so crazy you can't even imagine it right now because it's not in the realm of experiences that a human can possibly experience on this earth so much like having a crazy six gram mushroom trip until you've done it you don't you can't even imagine what you're talking about here you can't imagine it and so when you're talking about it you're just talking nonsense you're just making noises with your mouth so when we leave this and move to the next thing if it is if there is such a reality it's possible that the next thing will be so fucking strange

you can't even imagine like instead of thinking about ourselves as this disconnected uh human being driving around in cars and using the internet the next thing could be no physical body at all but but just constantly connected with a tangible feeling of contact of other entities and life forms and souls and patterns that's almost like being part of the matrix part of the internet right i mean yeah if you think about you know that that's certainly what i'm just listening i'm re-listening to fucking all the socrates and it says you know you're kind of imprisoned by this body this body that kind of breaks down this body that distracts you constantly with your appetites

with with food sex and just pain sleep and all the things and it distracts you from the work at hand the real work that this contemplation on on you know the truth getting to the truth of of the essence of things and and like and it's true it's like if you think about it the idea is he says he as he was dying he goes look man i spent my whole life trying to separate myself from this physical body. Like I treat all my appetites with quiet contempt. He says, finally, I get to be rid of this shit and just be a mind. And he was like really looking forward to it. It's kind of profound.

That's a great statement that he treats all of his appetites with quiet contempt. That's a great statement. That's right. And so many intellectuals sort of share that feeling. Yes, they call it the philosopher's journey. Your hunger or your sexuality or any of that. Yes, it is a distraction. It should be treated with quiet contempt as you get older. No, it should.

It should be treated as the last fucking gasps of a fun life. Jesus Christ. We don't want to just sit around with no boners on your couch reading a dumb book. Well, the idea is actually getting to the essence of the truth is more fun. You know, but it's, you know, it's Getting to the essence of the truth is more fun, but

ultimately, if you are to believe that this is a temporary existence, it's fruitless. It doesn't matter. You should be enjoying this ride. That was Aristotle's rebuttal to Socrates. Aristotle said yes yes we should try to strive to be just a mind but by the way watch a woman give childbirth and you tell me we're not physical fucking beings we're physical beings with appetites and you can get yourself to a point where you feel really good physically and mentally so why not do that you know what i always say when it comes to socrates this is an important

one to repeat whenever anybody says anything about Socrates, you should always include, yeah, and you know, he fucked a lot of dudes. He actually didn't, but yes, I love it. All his friends did. He fucked some boys. Socrates fucked some boys. Well, one of the things that Credo always complains about is he tried to seduce him and seduce him because he was married with two kids and he could never do it. That Socrates tried to seduce him? No, no.

Credo tried to seduce him. Tried to seduce Socrates. Yeah. They talk about that motherfucker standing there during the war and he used to – nobody, nobody they said could withstand lack of sleep, cold and lack of food better than Socrates. Nobody can drink more wine and stay sober. And one day he stopped and he started thinking and the soldiers go, oh shit, he's on a jag. He's thinking. And they all sat there and watched him think.

And they took bets on how long he'd stand in one place. And pretty soon the stunts started to come down. They pulled their fucking cots out to watch him sleep. And he stood there all fucking night figuring out this problem, the answer to an issue, to a problem. Meanwhile, I bet that's a lie. I bet that never happened. I bet people exaggerate the shit out of everything. When you're talking about a guy,

I bet that guy didn't even know them. We did that about my Taekwondo teacher? No, I'm saying we all do that about our teachers. Like your fight teacher. You know he can jump over trains, right? What? Yeah, he studies this Kung Fu that allows him to kill moose with his fucking bare hands.

Yeah, who knows, man? When you get to those kind of stories, it's like, God, what really did happen? Who was responsible for writing down the actual events of the time? And it's funny because if you just go with human nature, we would always think, yeah, what's wrong with the little aberration? I'm going to spice it up. Good for the Romans. Look, we did a great job.

We brought them civilization. We, we did a great job. We brought them civilization. We didn't kill that many babies. They say we killed babies. Like, whatever, man. There are people with insane powers of concentration that can sit and not move for 24 hours. Yeah, they're autistic. Yeah, well, no.

There are people who, like Somerset Maugham wrote a book called don't argument bro I won't bro I got this one you're actually you're actually if you're intense you'll play Quake for 15 fucking hours

well that's why I won't play it that's why I'm not playing the match with Kevin Pereira you've always been insanely intense about shit

I remember I said hey try golf you go I'm not fucking playing golf if you get into it it'll be over no I can no just no because you'll go crazy yeah if I get into it it'll be over no i can know just

no because you'll go crazy yeah if i if i got into golf and started taking golf lessons i would play golf all day that shit takes a long time like if i could play pool you know you can play pool for a half hour you can go and you go hey i got a half hour you want to hit some balls around and you can enjoy yourself for half an hour golf is five hours yeah every time you do it right you gotta walk you gotta follow that take a cart whatever you gotta do you gotta drive then you gotta follow you're hitting this thing to follow that. Well, I take a cart. Whatever you've got to do. You've got to drive then. You've got to follow. You're hitting this thing and it's fucking. Why do you take a cart?

It's kind of a bitch move. Because I get exhausted playing golf. Come on, son. That's weak shit. Some things make me feel like I have diabetes. Tag with my five-year-old. Diabetes. And fucking golf.

Some shit is just too. I don't know. I can't do it. That's ridiculous. You're talking about jujitsu and kettlebells. I want one of those chimp kettlebells. I'll do that shit right now. I can't walk though and play golf. It's too much. It'ss. I want one of those chimp kettlebells. I'll do that shit right now. I can't walk, though, and play golf.

It's too much. It's exhausting. I get exhausted. It's too much. I walked a mile. My legs die. I walked a whole mile. It's crazy.

I can't. If I'm bored, I fucking fall asleep. Well, remember the Steve Rinell hunting thing, which comes out April 28th on Sportsman's Network, where Brian and I went out to, is that what it is, the Sportsman's Network? It's an outdoor channel, I think. Outdoor channel. I loved watching it. Joe and I just watched it.

And I was so... All these great memories were brought back. But I was really impressed. I thought they did a really good job, man. They shot it well. They edited it well. It was funny. Great music, by the way.

This is bullshit, man. Sportsman's Channel. It has a 2.1 rating on IMDB. What fucking silly liberals. We're going to be famous. Here's the thing. First of all, that is so wrong because it is a great show. It is.

That is a – this people that represent you. If you're like a thinking person, it's not a lot of people that represent you in the sportsman's world. idea that sportsmen and hunters are this like these idiots these these fucking numb-minded republican republican robots and they're out there just fucking shooting animals because they're evil watch this show because this is not that at all this is steve rinella who's a good friend now to brian and myself he's an awesome guy and a really well-read individual with a deep knowledge of especially um the history of the um colonization of the west and and a deep love for animals a deep love for animals and an understanding of the whole process of acquiring your own meat and the way he does it is he does it through this idea it's called

fair chase hunting where you know he's not like sometimes they'll like set out and i don't have acquiring your own meat and the way he does it is he does it through this idea it's called fair chase hunting where you know he's not like sometimes they'll like set out and i don't have a problem with this i'm just saying this is one of the ways that people go hunting it makes it more effective like you'll set out bait and the animal will come to the food and then when it's at the food you're hiding in a blind and you shoot it that's like super common half drunk that's that's ted that's tedugent's entire show. And by the way, I like Ted Nugent and I like Ted Nugent's show. I don't agree with him on a lot of his things that he says, especially when it comes to politics.

And there's a lot of nonsense in a lot of his words. But I think he's a fascinating character and he's out there shooting animals and telling everybody to go fuck themselves. He shot a coyote in the head with an air rifle on the show and then was like, oh, look, a great coyote threw it in the back. This is Ted fucking Nugent. He killed a coyote with an air rifle? Yeah. Think about this. This is not, I mean, this is like, he's a big rock star.

And at one point in time, when I was a kid, Ted Nugent was fucking huge. Double live gonzo? Yeah. Dude, to this day, Stranglehold is one of my all-time favorite classic rock hits. Fuck yeah. The live version? You got me in that goddamn Stranglehold. Amazing.

He's crazy though, but I like him. I don't like everything about him. I don't like him all across the board. But Steve Rinella represents a completely different take. Ted Nugent's leaving Bait Out. He shot three deer with a bow and arrow in the first 15 minutes of the show the other day. I mean, I don't even know. I mean, how many they let you shoot?

How do you eat that much? He's got land. He gives away a lot. He gives away, yeah, yeah. Hunters for the homeless. Or Hunters for the Hungry, rather. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, they did.

No, no animal goes to waste. They mean he has a guy that butchers his shit. He's shown it on the show before. That's not, I mean, Ted Nugent's not doing that. He's definitely giving a lot of food away. He just likes doing it, you know, and whatever, man. What the fuck? I mean, why is that bad?

But the guy who runs this dairy farm or, you know, slaughtering steers to make your cheeseburger, that guy's acceptable. Like, it doesn't make any sense. The way he's doing it, even the way Ted Nugent's doing it by leaving out bait and shooting it with an arrow when it comes to eat, so fucking what? That's still way more ethical, way smarter. Why wouldn't you do that?

Don't you have some extra corn? What do you want, traipse around the fucking forest looking for some animal? Just leave the corn out. Shoot it. What's the goal? The goal is here to shoot it. Until you've been out there at five in the morning freezing your dick off after sleeping in a tent you you fucking you you'd use bait right quick especially if you were hungry

yeah this guy steve rinella though he doesn't do any of that his is all fair chase hunting and he's a really bright guy and we have this really ignorant stereotype that people that grew up in sort of hunting, fishing backgrounds are dummies. A lot of people do. A lot of people who don't have any experience in hunting. And I think the beautiful thing about this show is the guy is a fucking great writer. I mean he's a great writer. His book, Meat Eater, is a very good book. Fuck yeah.

It's very – he's descriptions or they captivate you. Like he's, he's got a really intelligent way. I learned a lot from him. Yeah. Yeah. So, well,

I don't even know why it was. Now you're talking about the difference between blind, hunting in a blind or fair chase hunting. Yeah,

but I was talking about something before that. I don't remember what the hell it was. That's called going on a tangent, son.

Oh, shit. But the, there's people that have a problem with basically anything that people do. Yeah. There's people that have a – what about all the restaurants everywhere you go that are serving meat? Like why are you freaking out about certain specific situations where you find meat? And why – is it really meat?

Because what are these animals going to do if you don't eat them? Are they just going to live forever? Or if they're not going to live forever, they're going to live a certain amount of time, and then what happens to the meat? Is it okay to feed it to dogs once they die of old age? Is that allowed? What do we do as humans to control the population? Do we have to spend a lot of money on sterilization programs?

What if our health deteriorates because we're not eating as much animal protein and other countries take over and start dominating us? What if Morrissey ran the army? Do you know how quickly we'd be overrun with the Soviets you know how quickly the Soviets would fucking take over think Putin would stand it if Morrissey won if Morrissey became the president of the United States these fucking meat-headed thick tree trunk necked Russian cosmonauts would come running over and just dominate this

country if we all turned into a bunch of vegetarians. We live in a hard world, ladies and gentlemen, okay? You can't run it on lentils. You just can't. Oh, politics by Joe Rogan. You can't run it on lentils, you fucks. You silly fucks. That's why India hasn't won.

I don't think they won a medal last Olympics. I'm like, come on, guys. You've got a billion people. I love Indians. I'm not making fun of anybody from India. I love India. I love India. But like you're not athletic.

They're not as athletic as some countries. Sweden like it's got 7 million people. They win like a – like fucking 50 gold – like 50 medals in Olympics. It's because all the girls are hot. Right. India not won. You're just trying really hard to get laid and the only way to do that is be awesome at a sport. Fuck, yeah.

That's the quickest way. Or be funny. Yeah. Well, even that's not provable enough as a young man. You can't fuck with the quarterback. You know, a guy who's a basketball star,

that guy, that guy, the guy who hits the home runs, that guy wins. That guy wins. Yeah. I was a wrestler. They didn't come out to see me in my fucking single at 125 pounds.

Did not give a fuck about that. Yeah. They didn't give a fuck about wrestlers. And they certainly weren't into fucking karate guys. No, not give a fuck about us. Shit about that. Yeah, they didn't give a fuck about wrestlers, and they certainly weren't into fucking karate guys. No, you're a karate guy. They didn't know what they were doing. Great.

What, do you wear pajamas and fucking stick your feet in people's face? You know how stupid that is? No, we can't have sex. Get out of here. But the fucking quarterbacks, they just have to beat them off with sticks. Get out of here, you fucking opportunistic hooker. I'm going to go practice my sidekick. I'll be right back.

Yeah. They're like, what are you doing? Why do you do that? Where do you do it? Where do you do that? That's all you do? It's not very flashy. Don't you play another sport?

Even the UFC now, you see these guys who are like badasses, and a lot of girls are like, no, no, no. Those guys hit each other, and their ears are all weird. What? What are you talking about? Those guys have to beat it off with sticks. In their circle, they sure as fuck do. Are you crazy?

What girls? Any girl that's like, ew, they hit each other. That is a broken bitch that doesn't want to go on a wild ride. But UFC guys don't get the same kind of attention that basketball or football players do, man. What? Are you crazy? You think a guy like Chuck Liddell in his prime? You've never seen anything like that

in the face of the earth. You've never seen fucking his con. That guy would show up when Chuck Liddell was the fucking champion in the UFC, when he was the UFC light heavyweight champion. He would walk into a club. You've never seen gravity like this. Really? He would suck in hot-titted

asteroids. Jesus. Boom! Boom! He was like Jupiter, absorbing gravityitted asteroids. Jesus. Boom, boom. He was like Jupiter absorbing. They were just hugging him, wanting to take pictures with him, and hugging him, wanting to take pictures with him. Dude, it was a swarm. It was like, have you seen that commercial for World War Z where all the zombies swarm? That's what it was when Chuck Liddell would show up. Girls would just flock to him. He's the gladiator.

They couldn't help it. He's the alpha male. They wanted to meet him. They wanted to talk to him. And the guy literally couldn't move through the room. You've never seen anything like it. My buddy hung with Mike Tyson in Vegas. He said the alpha male. They wanted to meet him. They wanted to talk to him. And the guy like literally couldn't move through the room. My buddy said that about me. You've never seen anything like it. My buddy hung with Mike Tyson in Vegas.

He said the same thing. Oh, for sure. They had no idea. Especially because in Vegas a lot of those girls are drunk. When you're drunk, that's when the real thoughts come out and you're like, I'm going to go take a picture with Mike. Where the truth. I don't give a fuck.

Where your DNA takes over. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to tell him right now. It'll suck his cock. I don't give a fuck. That's going to tell him right now. I'll suck his cock. I don't give a fuck. That's Mike Tyson. I'm going to do it. Bitch, you go. Meanwhile, no girl would support that.

She'd be like, you fucking whore. Oh, my God. I want to meet him, too, but I want you to suck his dick first. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I guess in his one-man show, he starts by saying... You mean those Cocoa Cafe things? Let me get one of those too, buddy.

In his one-man show, he basically says he puts up the number – I didn't see it, but he puts up the number 400 million, and he goes, I lost all that money. Oh, my God. I made 400 million, and I lost $400 million. Holy shit. But that's what happens when you just buy a bunch of tigers and just like fucking everything.

Well, it's also the kind of mentality that allows you to become a prize fighter. The kind of mentality that allows you to be a person who risks his health and runs at men in a boxing ring and smashes their brains. You're thinking about the moment, man. You're thinking about training for your next fight. You're thinking about months of preparation. You're thinking about the moment, man. You're thinking about training for your next fight. You're thinking about months of preparation. You're thinking about the fight itself. You probably also have to be a little, like, you have to be pretty aggro, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But it's also like someone telling you what you can and can't do with your money. Be like, bitch, I'm Hector Camacho. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. I'm going to get Macho Man in diamonds. Suck my dick, okay? That's what it's going to say.

Macho Man, suck my dick. Suck my dick. You can do whatever you want. I mean, if you're a champion, it's almost say macho man suck my dick you can do whatever you want i mean if you're a champion it's almost like you have to have that mentality to be that mike tyson type of a character you know bernard hopkins is like famously frugal you know he uh he's just a smart disciplined guy that's still at 48 years old he's a world boxing champion yeah it's the craziest thing i've ever no one's ever done that before no one's done it at 48 years old and looked fucking good. He looked great.

He boxed the shit out of that dude. It wasn't a close loss. It's the craziest thing. He's a master. He's a master. He's a fucking master. Yeah, he's a master boxer. But he's like super frugal.

You know, but his style is like super frugal. That's why at 48 years old, he's still in the mix. Whereas a guy like Mike Tyson, which is just – He fucking – he raged for a few years and then done. years old he's still in the mix whereas a guy like mike tyson which just says he fucking he raged for a few years and then done mike tyson and bernard hopkins they were boxing at the same time you know bernard hopkins is older yeah bernard hopkins is the older man and they were back and bernard hopkins is still a world champion still speaks fluent like has no voice problems so articulate so articulate he He's so articulate.

He does not get hit very often. He never got hurt. And he knows how to roll with things. He's never been hurt. Never been hurt. Even when he's been tagged. Like, he's been tagged by guys and dropped by them. You know, he just starts boxing, and he's disciplined as fuck, and he sticks that fucking

boxing game in your face, and slowly but surely, he starts to overwhelm you. When he beat Kelly Pavlik, and he goes, he grabbed him grabbed him apparently and he said, don't let this ruin you. Yeah. You know, he knew he was going to beat him when he walked in the ring. Like to be that good, Kelly Pavlik was a fucking killer. That's an exceptional fight. But the defining fight was Felix Trinidad because Felix Trinidad was thought to be a destroyer. I mean people were setting up Felix Trinidad to, you know, fight all these super fights.

Wasn't he going to fight Oscar De La Hoya? He's going to fight, like, a lot of different people. Felix Trinidad was a killer. He's a serious, high-level, dangerous threat. And Bernard Hopkins balked his fucking face off. He just boxed his fucking ears off. Incredible. And just shut him down.

And it was amazing that people thought that Trinidad was the favorite going into that fight because Bernard Hopkins fucking dominated him. I mean, he dominated him. And he stopped him. And it ended Felix Trinidad. Felix Trinidad was never the same after that fight. That was the fight where he just hit the wall. They say fighters always have one fight that even get hit one time.

It's one punch usually that kind of changes their whole mix well he can a lot of people say like gsp was not the same fighter he became very conservative and careful after he got knocked out by um uh matt sarah well he definitely became more conservative but where he controls you rather than g, which you got to look at when people say, oh, you know, is GSP slowing down or is GSP this or is GSP that? You know, is this time over or are these new guys going to beat him? There's always going to be a bunch of fucking killers out there. There's always going to be a bunch of scary Johnny Hendricks, Jake Ellenberger type dudes looking to smash your fucking face in when you're the champ.

There's no getting around that. What's most impressive is that the guy has been doing this for so fucking long and when shit starts happening like he blew out his acl look getting injured that is a normal part of being an athlete it happens there's no getting around it you're putting your body through incredible strains and you're especially doing an improvisational sort of a thing like wrestling or jujitsu oritsu or kickboxing where you don't know how he's going to move or you're going to – you're sparring and shit goes wrong and you can get hurt. There's no way of avoiding that. But when shit starts breaking and you start getting injured and you start thinking about the amount of hours this guy has put in the gym, the amount of hours this guy has put in the cage, the amount of fights, the amount of wear and tear. It's just a matter of how long can you consistently keep up that sort of fighting style.

The intensity and all that. Wrestling-based fighting style too. Right. Which is very taxing on your spinal cord, very taxing on your knees. There's a lot of power involved in a wrestling-based style. Even if you're a technical guy like a Ben askren it's like it becomes a difficult style to to incorporate what's kind of remarkable about him though is gsp is his ability and also there's a lot of tape on him you can watch a lot on him you can like you can try to figure him out but he

fights a different fight in some ways every time he fights as well well it's i i think don't get me wrong i think like a wrestling based style is definitely the best way to like approach it as far as longevity. But even that, it's like how much longevity can – MMA is a brutal goddamn game. Yeah. How much longevity can you get? I mean at a certain point in time, someone is going to come along and if Anderson Silva keeps fighting, someone is probably going to beat him. keeps fighting someone's probably going to beat him right you know and it might be like sort of a bernard hopkins situation where no one ever gets it i mean he's so clever and so technical that no one ever gets to the point where they can really humiliate him but there'll be a guy like a chad

dawson who come along and and beat bernard hopkins just because he's younger and quicker you know there's going to be these andre ward type guys there's going to be um what was that dude that uh jermaine the guy that um uh kelly pavlik beat i want to say jermaine, the guy that Kelly Pavlik beat? I want to say Jermaine Andre, but that's not his name. Is that his name? That's not a lot of his fights. He was the champ. Andre Ward is phenomenal.

He beat, I don't know if that's the right boxer. I forget his fucking name. Shit. I hate that. I got too many fucking names in my brain. But this dude um is that his name jimmy andre no no he's an mma fighter oh well oh that's right i remember that dude yeah sorry sorry jermaine

yeah he's actually a very talented uh kickboxing champion um Jermaine Stewart? Jermaine Taylor? Jermaine Taylor. Jermaine Taylor. That's right. Jermaine Taylor. Yeah. Yeah, Jermaine Andreus, this badass-looking dude with this crazy ponytail.

I saw that. He's got a shaved head with a crazy ponytail. He fought in the UFC, I think. Pretty sure. But he beat – Kelly Pavlik knocked him out, but he beat Bernard Hopkins twice. And he beat him with speed. I believe he beat him twice. Pretty sure.

He's also bigger too. He's a bigger guy. He's big. He's big. But Pavlik – meanwhile, Pavlik beat him. He was just able to out-athlete Bernard Hopkins. It's so funny. You look at a guy like Pavlik.

Like if you saw him on the beach in shorts, he couldn't look more normal. There's not a lot of muscle tone. Well, he's covered with some crazy tattoos now. Now he is, but he used to not be. After he had his kind of – I think he had a bit of a breakdown. Then he went and got a bunch of tattoos. A lot of alcohol. Is that what it was?

Apparently. Because before that, when he was younger, he had no tattoos, very few. He was just a normal – Well, he just retired. I think part of it – I mean the alcohol thing, it's very possible that the depression, alcohol, that stuff has to do with head trauma. It's very, very possible. There's a lot of evidence to that, right? Yeah, and he thinks it might be as well, and so he's retiring.

Oh, wow. Even though he's like, he won recently. He looked really good, too. He was in the midst of a comeback. He's a talented fucking boxer. Yeah, he is. But getting hit in the head, walking around with headaches all day, yeah. I've done it, man yeah I've done it man

I've done it keep it it's not fun I mean I never did it to the extent that he did it though what he did was incredible he was a world champion

the amount of just the amount of punishment that you have to go through in the fucking ring just in the ring dude I mean it's just Jesus Christ just I mean

I mean the training ring you know just every day in the gym these guys you know they you get caught, they fucking go to war, man. The last time he fought was 2012. He won. And apparently he was, they were setting up a new fight for him. Let me see a picture of him.

You need to get your own fucking computer, bro. No way. You want to see a picture of him? Yeah. What do you want to see? The tattoos. Oh, I'll find him for you. Yeah, he had a bunch of crazy tattoos, man.

He went nutty and just fucking tattooed the shit out of his chest. He put like haunted houses on him and shit. Rory McDonald. Yeah, pull that up. Kelly Pavlik tattoos. You can see like the tattoos that he has on his chest. I wouldn't mind seeing McDonald fight GSP, but I think they're training partners. Apparently, they are preparing for that possibility.

They're not training together anymore. They prepare on the opposite sides of the gym. Rory McDonald's no fucking joke. Yeah, Kelly Pavlik has the Coliseum on his chest. He has all this nutty shit. If you go to the one...

There's other ones where you get a good image of what it is. There's another one down there. If you look at it, it's got a bit of a better image. There's a couple of them. Yeah, that one where his arms are flexed, you kind of get to see what it is. Yeah, it's like a Roman Colosseum on the left. And there's some other shit.

Some dudes just get real random with their tattoos. He's got an angel with a bow and arrow. He's great. Look at him. He's awesome looking. I love that guy. Nothing more beautiful than a fighter. A bridge.

He's a fucking animal, man. When he was at his best, he was a really fun guy to watch. Yeah, nipple walking up. I'm glad he's retiring before it gets ugly. The guy did a lot. He accomplished a lot. And it gets ugly for everyone. He looks haunted a little bit, doesn't he?

A lot of guys are, my brother. A lot of guys are. Somebody called being an addict like you always feel like you're being chased by something, by a ghost. It's true. I had a, I had a described that. He said, you know, I always feel like, uh, I'm being chased by, by someone, by a demon that's almost catching me every time. Wow.

I'm always running. I'm always running. Have you heard about these, uh, district attorneys that are getting shot in Texas? Yes. Some of the assassinating district. Well, they caught one guy was a white supremacy. He had a shootout. They killed him.

Um, that was the guy who killed the Colorado prison bureau chief. And then they did the, they caught one guy was a white supremacist he had a shootout they killed him um that was the guy who killed the colorado prison bureau chief and then they did the oh they caught that guy yeah and we got they killed him and then the the guy who shot the district attorney and his wife they don't know i guess they still don't know who did it you know you don't even know if it's connected but i'm sure it is well it might be just a cartel thing you don't know man fucking i don't know it's like but since 1964 i think uh how many 13 or 33 prosecutors have been shot um yeah wow um there was a story that came out about a cop that may or may not have planted drugs on a woman because she was claiming that a judge had moved in on her. Let me pull that up.

I'm surprised I don't read about this more. Plants meth on women who complained about judges' sexual solicitation. Jesus. Yeah. I'm not shocked at that. I i mean they found a judge who was profiting off of sending kids to juvenile homes really yeah yeah they found a judge that was profiting off of that he's in jail now it's in pennsylvania pretty sure yeah sick motherfucker you know he thought because these kids had done things in the past fuck it i'll just

send them down the river you You know, they need it. And he was getting kickbacks. He was getting kickbacks. The more people he would convict or send to these juvenile homes, the more money they could spend, the more money they can get from the government, the more profit they could make. Creepy fucks. Creepy. Yeah, this is Murray County.

I don't know where the fuck that is. Murray County Sheriff's Office. Where the hell's murray you live in a serious hillbilly place if no one's oh oh you know what i was going to talk about my my um vincent labarbera the guy that i have on my podcast right now on the brian count show and this guy this guy is a is a uh he first of all he wears a patch over his eye because he went snowblown three times from climbing like fucking huge mountains like in africa and stuff and whoa and yeah and he was uh he would he would go and like basically go to war zones just see what it's like murray county's in minnesota by the way oh um uh whatever so this guy went snow blind yeah yeah from climbing mountains

and shit he's a real daredevil did all kinds. But now he's always, he's been a high profile trial lawyer for like big time drug cartels. He's a huge proponent on the podcast, talks about why drugs should be legal and stuff. It's amazing. So he's tried to get the cartels out of jail? He does. He just thinks all drugs should be legal, all of them.

And he does everything he can to stick to the government whenever. So he handles huge, big cases, like big, big-time cases. The Marine in Fallujah, a lot of different people. And he's got a really interesting take on justice. I had this Delta Force guy, and I was talking about killing an American citizen, and he was kind of justifying it. And Vincent LaBarbaragona, I was like, let me tell you something. That's the biggest bunch of, you know, he couldn't have been more on the other side of it the that the u.s and the national

defense act and stuff we talk a lot about he talked he just goes to town on the fact that that is killing our country our due process and everything he's very articulate about it i'm not it's corrupt it's going down the path of corruption and we all see it and because now we're all on the internet we we all get to talk about it. We get to express our concerns and we get to – Well, when the government says trust me, no. Well, it keeps happening. Like this new thing is this Monsanto bill that just passed silently through Congress without any mainstream exposure where they're giving Monsanto all sorts of –

Subsidies and things like that. It's all sorts of abilities to hide the fact that genetically modified foods and things that you buy. It's creepy. It's creepy because it's one of those things where it's all – you would hope that there would one day be a, what was that? What was the whistle? I think it was my tape.

Like your phone? Yeah, it was my tape. Dude, that's the gayest shit ever. I actually kind of like it. I think I'm going to change my ringer. What the hell? A couple of quick whistles. What the fuck was I even talking about?

You were talking about how you can. Monsanto. Yeah, you can. We'd hope that things would slowly start to move into a better direction. We're going to cut back on corruption. We're going to attack it. We're going to make for a more fair society. We're going to only involve ourselves in military campaigns that are just and true, and we're going to try to educate the rest of the world.

You've got to change the incentive structure if you want to do that. Of course. It's just weird, man. The biggest danger is that when you have good people behaving corruptly, when you have a system that allows for no other way to do business so that your system becomes an economy of influence and not meritocracy. So who you know is really how you get business, not what you can do. And that's where we're headed in some aspects and you have to be very careful of that. At least Lawrence Lessig's book says that in Republic Lost, which I've talked about many times on this podcast. That's a very important book to read.

And what he does, he says, look, let me show you how Washington is corrupt with a lot of good people trying to do the right thing. But they can't do business without being corrupt. Let me explain to people who don't know what the fuck we're talking about, what this is, because this is a pretty crazy shit. It's a genetically modified food. And the, there's a thing they're calling the Monsanto Protection Act, which was signed by President Obama. They're calling it the Monsanto Protection Act.

What it actually was, it's, it was added to an essential spending bill without congressional hearings. So they snuck this rider. Yeah. And the rider strips the power from the federal courts to halt the sales and planting of genetically modified foods, even if health concerns arise. Wow. Wow. This is crazy. The provision was simply an industry ploy to continue to sell genetically engineered seeds even when a court of law has found that they were approved by the USDA illegally, the petition stated. It's necessary to find an unprecedented tact on U.S. judicial review. Congress should not be meddling with the judicial review process based solely on the special interest of a handful of companies. This is from someone's – I guess it was – I don't know who wrote that. Someone – OK.

So what essentially they're saying is they snuck this in and people are just finding out about it now. It happens all the time in Washington. They're trying to protect the profits of this company. That's the only way – the only reason why you would hide information is you're trying to protect the profits. That's right. Because if the genetically modified foods are safe and they're in there and we find out they're safe, then we don't have to worry.

But if they might not be safe and you want to sue if you want you you you're not going to know you're not going to be able to blame it on the genetically modified foods you're not even going to know if it's genetically modified if you have health issues that arise because they're genetically modified foods you won't even know the correlation you won't know what if you you know what if you have a known issue that's come up you know amongst a small percentage of people that do respond poorly to genetically modified foods. Well, you won't even fucking know because it's not going to be in the label because some cunts got paid. And that's crazy because the people who are selling genetically modified foods should only want to be selling healthy genetically modified foods.

It is possible that science can figure out a way to produce more food that's more nutritious. It is possible. But it's also possible that they could fuck it up. And when something like this comes along and all this is, they should call this the Monsanto Information Act because all it is is keeping information secret, keeping it from people. That's never good. That's not only that. It's also changing information and lying about what's good for you and what's not good for you. They're setting up corruption.

They're setting up so corruption can take place. I don't know enough about genetically modified foods, but I'll give you an example. But you don't have to. Well, no. I'm saying that the Food and Nutrition Board, which sets the school standard for 30 million children on what they can eat, because they've been hijacked by companies like Nestle, etc., the big companies that have an interest in selling their products, Coca-Cola and stuff.

And they hire scientists. Read the China study. It talks about this. I'm paraphrasing here, but they'll stack the deck with scientists that they basically hire to say that 25 percent of your diet can be simple sugars, which means I can have vending machines in there that sell soda and Twix bars and stuff, and that's part of your lunch. That's where when you're ignorant and you don't know how the system works, how the incentive

structure works, you are going to pay a price for it with your health, and so are your kids. So that's why I always tell people, you can't not be politically committed. It's not a luxury you can afford, man, because what happens is there becomes a concentration of vested interests. Look at Wall Street. Yes, they compete with each other until someone comes in with legislation and they get very good at hiring lobbyists. They get very good at their economy of influence and figuring out how to buy the right people to keep business as usual. That's why you have banks that are too big to fail. To teach kids that entering the system now to stop that pattern, they have to figure out a way to not emphasize profit overall.

The whole thing is just – it's so bizarre. I have no problem with profit as long as it's earned honestly and you're playing by the rules. The problem is when you have companies that stack the deck, you know – Of course. And so how does that happen? You've got to figure out how that happens and why it happened and then that's the way you change it. Absolutely. Figure out first how it happens.

It's just so transparent when something like this Monsanto thing comes up because all they're doing is keeping information. That's all they're doing. They should never be able to keep information because if you have a good product, like let's say you're selling oranges. You can prove if you look at the data that oranges are very rich in vitamin C. They have healthy fiber to them. When you eat an orange with your lunch, it's probably a really healthy choice. It's good for you, and we have a lot of data to back that up. So all the information on oranges is readily available. You can go look at it up. You know why? Because there's nothing bad there. It's

a fucking orange. Okay. But when you start monkeying around with oranges and well, this is an orange that doesn't react badly to certain pesticides. And this is an orange that, you know, creates its own pesticide and kills off mosquitoes. And this is an orange that, you know, creates its own pesticide and kills off mosquitoes. Or this is an orange that does that. And you don't tell me. Okay, now we got a real problem because that's not really an orange. That's an orange that you fucked with. And I don't know if you really know what's going to happen with that orange.

If I eat one of these a day for the next 20 years, is that going to rot my asshole out? You know, what is going on? Is it going to rot my asshole out? What is going on? Is it going to erase my memory? At least give me the information. I want to know if it's got the gene of a jellyfish so it doesn't freeze. I want to know that. Exactly. Show me everything.

Show me everything you got. Let me make my own choices. You can't hide information. And the idea that they would do that with our food, which is something that's – we have a health crisis in this country, for sure. Even though we have access to all of the information on the back of food, all of the nutritional information is readily available in almost anything that we buy in a store except for like meats and things like that. But when we do that, we still don't use it. We still don't use that information. And so many people are eating terrible food every day. And so many people are, are unhealthy every day and so many people are unhealthy

and sick all the time and they're essentially poisoning themselves. So that's with information. That's with the fucking information. With readily apparent bad things to eat. And people choose them. You can't stop information.

You can't. Because what you're doing is you're setting yourself up so that you can lie and protect people in power. That's the only reason you should be doing it. We already have a problem. We already have a problem with people having shitty diets. We already have a problem with this weird thing with humans where stuff that tastes amazing is fucking killing you. Like Krispy Kreme donuts are fucking delicious. But that's like toxic. Those are fucking delicious but that's like

toxic yeah those are like pure little sugar things if you go to a lot of parts of the country like like you and i do travel a lot there's not a lot of access to real good food there's access to to to different restaurant chains or there's access to you know just a bunch of fast food in some areas well there's super healthy yeah it's supermarkets you know you can you can always but even then you get a tomato and it's pale. It's this white fucking tomato. They ripened it in a gas chamber. That's why. Not only that,

the genetics of the thing have completely been altered so they can keep them on a truck for a week. It's sort of the same thing that they've done with raw milk. And I know, and people that are screaming do you know we perceive the sake of all these lives and people from raw milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're going to die anyway. Look, everyone is going to die. You're going to die too. That's not the point. I get what you're saying. I know logically you're correct. Ethically you're correct. I understand.

You're talking about transparency. No, I'm talking not just about transparency. I'm talking that – I'm saying that too many people are telling too many people what is and isn't OK to do. That's a real problem. And I always say that the law – the way we should have the law in this country is could you imagine Clint Eastwood arresting you for it? If he had a gun and he pointed it at you, could you imagine that Clint Eastwood would arrest you for it? That's the Clint Eastwood principle. Harry, you're growing hemp.

Could you imagine Dirty Harry where he arrest you for it? That's the Clint Eastwood principle. You're growing hemp. Could you imagine Dirty Harry where he breaks down hemp farms? That's hilarious. What are you going to do? Are you going to make food and clothes? The fuck you are. Right. Get in the squad car.

Right. Anything other than that is a bullshit law. Okay, I could imagine Dirty Harry arresting these cunts that are getting paid off by Monsanto. I can imagine Dirty Harry catching some scotch-drinking asshole in his Senate room, beating some hooker to death. And he walks in and he – fuck, I got Monsanto through and you're a dead man. You're a dead – and he shoots him. You're a dead man, Callahan. And you're happy. You're happy that he shot the evil Monsanto guy. Yeah, that seems like clint eastwood might want to step in on this one but could you

see clint eastwood arresting you for having a a roach in your car you know no of course not he would maybe slap you okay you know what don't be stupid don't be stupid kid well michael pollan says you can vote three times a day by what you put on your plate fuck yeah you can that's a good point well that's why i've been telling people you people one day the stoners are going to unite because there's a lot of bullshit out there. You need to respect the stoner dollar. I think the way of the future though is probably genetically modified foods ultimately. The way of the future is organic food. I don't think we can feed that many people without – I don't think we can feed enough people with organic food.

I don't know if that's true. I don't believe it and I think as time goes on the origin of those thoughts is profit i do not believe that the origin of those thoughts is because we're really concerned with feeding people because that's that's not something that's not something that you hear from the federal government that's not something that's taken into considerations when you when you look at how much money they spend on defense contractors, fucking billions and billions of dollars on a daily basis, on a yearly basis rather, on defense contractors. How much they spend feeding people? Fucking zero.

If they had the same resources that they put into the military and they put that into feeding people, they would be incredibly successful in feeding people. So when they come along and say, we need genetically modified foods because we need to feed people, they're not trying to feed people. They're not talking about feed people. They want profit. That's true. All food has been genetically modified, all of it, everything we – Well, there's a difference between selective breeding and growing and genetically modifying things. They are changing things at the genetic level to give them resistance to pesticides.

They're doing a lot of shit. But if the technology is out there like golden rice, which is very high in vitamin A, that's good for a lot of poor kids. It's not a yes or a no. Right. It's not a yes or a no. That's all I'm saying. You're right. I think that the rise of technology even in food is inevitable.

There's a good side to it and there can also be an evil side to it. I think the question is transparency and knowing and seeing all the data and holding companies accountable and realizing that technology is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. We probably, if we have 80 million people on this planet in 50 years, we're probably going to have to resort to genetically modified foods. We already are in some parts of the world. The question becomes how do you do it responsibly and ethically? The real issue is Paul Reiser's character from Aliens.

Because that cunty, sneaky, slimy guy who wanted to bring the alien back and use it as a biological weapon, that was what was wrong with that fucking movie. That's what you call fucking full circle, ladies and gentlemen. And that's what's wrong with lobbyists.'s what's wrong what's wrong with people influencing the congress to let something like this sneak through where frankenfoods can be in your in your diet and you're not even aware of it or the that's right i mean that that's that's that's exactly right where and even people who you know not what you're doing that matters yeah and even people who might

say well you're ignorant as to the effect of of genetically modified foods you're doing that matters. Yeah, and even people who might say, well, you're ignorant as to the effect of genetically modified foods. And you are absolutely right. I have not read that much about genetically modified foods. I have read both pro and con. I have heard, like, Cara Santa Maria had some very good points about genetically modified foods, and you have some very good points, and I've seen, like, Penn Jillette had some very good points.

He and I had a discussion about genetically modified foods, and I respect his opinion as well. It is not that. This isn't the argument. The argument is about transparency and it's about the access to information and about – and it's about someone who is supposed to be looking out for the interest of the people allowing people to withhold information. You should never do that. You should just never do that. You should never allow someone who's selling something to withhold some weird shit that they're doing to it that might affect your health.

I want to know if the food I'm eating has a jellyfish gene in it or et cetera. I want to know that stuff. Tell me everything you know. And this is sort of semi-hypocritical coming from me because I'm in the supplement company. I mean I'm involved with a supplement company. But you take the supplements yourself. There's also – there's enough tangible data on the subject that I'm confident in the results and that I also have benefited.

I know that I've benefited from taking supplements. I know that I've benefited. I know that my health is pretty fucking good and I know also a lot of it has to do with diet. A lot of it has to do with exercise. A lot of it has to do with genetics. lot of it has to do with exercise a lot of it has to do with genetics no doubt about it but I am very confident I've gone through periods of I've even made experiments where I've backed off supplements and I get blood work done on a regular basis I'm pretty aware of what the fuck's going on and when my nutrients are all at a very high

level I function better I just do I know I do I have have more energy. I feel better. It's all done in conjunction. But there's not enough sick? How many people take the wrong amount of this? How many people? It's a real trial and error thing unless you're doing blood work. So I always encourage people. If you're interested in your health, you've got to know what the fuck is really going on in your body. That's what Tim Ferriss says. Get blood work done. Yes.

Don't take guesses. He found out he was low on, I think, myric acid. That's why he takes coconut oil. The only place you can find it, I think it's called myric or mycelic acid. The only place you can find it is in sperm whale oil and coconut oil. And I started taking it. I got to tell you, man, like I take a teaspoon or a tablespoon in the morning. Maybe it's psychological, but I feel better, man.

I feel better when I do things like the kale shakes, like when I juice kale, when I take coconut oil. It's 100 percent. And I know that people are skeptical. No sugar. Maybe people are bullshitting. Maybe this is just more placebo effect. Maybe this is – like it makes sense. Food is a drug, man.

Treat it like that. It's not just that. It's also like what exactly is your body? Okay, why does it need nutrients? What is really going on? What's some sort of a chemical process? And it just stands to reason that the more building

blocks it gets for repair, for killing, taking out anti-radicals, free radicals, for destroying free radicals in your system, for helping you strengthen your immune system, all those different things,

it just only makes sense that if the machine has all it needs, it will function better. Did Tim Ferriss tell you, I had him on the podcast, and he said he went to the Blue Zone in Okinawa to see the one area where they live longer than anybody else. Is it like a coral thing? No. He said he isolated, he was interested in seeing what they don't do.

One thing they don't eat rice. They eat blue potatoes. Ah. Which was interesting. Blue potatoes. Yeah. But he also said that, and I tried to guess what they were, but he said there are a couple things that they have that are very important for health.

One, they never retire. And two, strong fucking communities. And they always eat just enough. There's a saying for it. I eat just enough. There's a saying for it. I eat just enough. I never stuff. But mainly, they think the two main things, and Malcolm Gladwell talks about this,

community is fucking important for longevity. It's very important. Community and never retiring. Being interested and involved in something is so important for your health. And it doesn't seem, it seems metaphysical. It doesn't seem physical. Like this town, Rosetta,

heart disease in the 50s in this country was epidemic. They'd open up soldiers who were at 21 and a lot of their arteries were like 80% clogged. It was epidemic. They go to this place, Rosetta, which is this really tight Italian community in Pennsylvania. They ate lard. They were all overweight. None of them were They ate lard. They were all overweight.

None of them were dying of heart disease. They were all dying of old age. Why? The only thing they could isolate was the fact that they were such a tight, loving community. Maybe they come from a really strong genetic stock. They're all from the same part of Italy. They took guys from Rosetta who went to other parts of the country. They were dying of heart disease at the same rate.

But when they were in this fucking community, they had such a strong, tight bond within that community and so much support they were just happy people they were just happy people it totally makes sense there's a physical aspect of human interaction that there's there's a reaction there's something happening and there's a need for it to the point where they punish people in prison by taking it away from them if you don't touch a baby when they're when they're when they're between zero and one they will die it's called failure to thrive hospitals have to have people come by and hold the babies you cannot have they used to have in orphanages they put a baby and they wouldn't touch it because they didn't want to give it a disease when they did that the baby

would die oh my god failure to thrive you don't hold a baby for a certain amount of time in during the day they will die. I completely believe that. It totally makes sense. We don't want to accept it as an actual tangible, measurable sort of a feeling or a thing. But it's important. Community is important. You're not an island, man. We need each other.

When I think of all the good times and I think about – I was watching that hunting thing. You and I go back so far. When I think of all the good times and I think about – I was watching that hunting thing. You and I go back so far. I thought – you feel so lucky when you have friends. You have so many experiences. You and I know each other so fucking well. So well.

Like all the thorns and all. It's just such a – and watch. We've grown up together. Basically, yeah. That kind of stuff is priceless. You can keep everything else. I've known you for almost 20 years now, dude. 20 years, brother. It'll be 20 years next year. 20 years. That's a long- priceless. You can keep everything else. I've known you for almost 20 years now, dude. 20 years, brother. It'll be 20 years next year.

20 years. That's a long-ass time. I know. You stop to think about how much crazy shit we've seen together. Yeah, and you've saved me from making some crazy decisions too, dude. Well, you know, you've saved me from going insane. I mean, I remember meeting you. I was like, oh, there's one out there.

There's someone out there I can hang with. I grew up, you know, in a bunch of different places in this country. When I was a little kid, I lived in San Francisco. Then I lived in Florida. But I spent all through my high school years, I spent in Boston. And one of the things about Boston, like I lived in a suburb, Newton, is you met a lot of real guys. There's a lot of guys who got up at six o'clock in the fucking morning and mowed lawns before they came to school you know i'm saying i mean there was

there was there and there were men's men you know they were there were actual men if someone talked some shit they wanted to go punch him in the face it was like in growing up around them it was like there was these are normal people that i could if he told me a story i knew that's what happened or at least what he thinks it happened but i was getting mixed signals when i came to la i was like oh my god this is a insane asylum i was totally ready to go back to new york and if i didn't sign a fucking lease for my apartment i thought my show was gonna that stupid baseball show like i was an idiot i was you know 20 whatever years old i'm like yeah it's gonna be the greatest thing ever. I'm like, yeah, it's going to be the greatest show ever. I'm getting an apartment. I can't fail.

And within four weeks, I knew it was doomed. And I'm like, fuck, I got a fucking apartment. And I had an apartment for a year. I wanted to get out of here. I was like, this is filled with crazy people. Right. And it is, by the way. But I slowly but surely accumulated a group of great friends. It took forever.

It's like I had to slowly grab guys like you. Okay, come this way. I know. And then go, here's Joey Diaz. Look at this guy. Oh, we got to get him. Get in here. It's really true.

I come to LA. It's like, you know, first my buddy said he was from New York and he showed up at a party. And he goes to this party and there's this guy in a robe with his arm around two girls on a couch. And he goes like this. He goes, gentlemen, welcome to my place. Make yourselves at home.

He was like, get me the fuck out of here right now. How about I kick you in the face just for saying that and wearing a fucking robe, shithead. That only works on here. Yeah,

don't you try that in Boston or New York. See how long you last with that shit. Like my buddy was rock climbing. We were rock climbing. My one buddy's from California. He was being a smart ass with him and telling him what to do. And my was a wrestler my buddy turned him and goes

hey you i don't know you you sure as fuck don't know me and that's the last time i hear you tell me to do anything and everybody got quiet and and he was like what the fuck what the fuck the guy fucking threatened me i go that's right dude he threatened you physically because you're being a fucking disrespectful moron there are guys out there that'll punch you in the fucking face if you don't know how to behave. There's a giant percentage of people who grow up on this coast that they don't know how to behave. Never seen a fight.

Even if they have seen a fight. They've seen a fight between someone like them and someone like them. I'm not talking about Mexicans either. I'm talking about white guys. No, I'm talking about white guys in Hollywood. There's some tough... I know a lot of Latino guys out here who are tough as shit.

That's a whole different culture. What are you talking about as actors? Yeah, I'm talking about actors. You're really talking about actors. That's right. It's nothing to do with white guys, black, there's some tough ass

fucking regular white dudes from California. Fuck yeah. What you're talking about as actors. That's probably right. That's what it is. They're loons. They're fucking loons.

Loons. And when I first met you, I was like, oh, this guy's doing it. He's normal, too. Or you're not normal. You're certainly not normal, but neither am I, or was I. Well, I was just honest about my interests, which were somewhat caveman. We were both dudes. We could talk. We were two men. I was like, oh, my God, there's another man. I could talk to this man. What's going on here? I don't know. There's this and there's that. I'm like, what's with this fucking guy? Yeah.

Look at these fucking people that were on the set with you, just on Mad TV. You know, what's going on here? I don't know. There's this and there's that. I'm like, what's with this fucking guy? Yeah. You know? Look at these fucking people that were on the set with you just on Mad TV. We're exhausting. Exhausting. Trying to be funny and clunky and talking about their career. Shut the fuck up. My God. What kind of self-serving noise is coming out of that stupid head of yours?

Like, you don't even know that someone's listening to you. You can't even have a conversation. You're not even a person. You're one of those weird fucking actor automatons. A lot of that, a lot of that, I came to dinner one time, and I had a hat on turned backwards. It was this candle hat. I was fucking cool as shit. I looked in the mirror like 50 times that day because I just had this new hat.

I fucking sit down at the dinner table. My father looked at me. He just goes, how you doing? I go, I'm good. He goes, yeah,

I can't do it. Straight face. He'd all he does. He goes, why are you wearing that hat? I was like, I'm not anymore. Just the way he said it.

I was like, ah, fuck it. I'm an idiot. But today, if you wanted to do it, you could pull it off. Like now you're a different man now you're self-actualized self-realized now you could show up with a beret on and like father you you're missing a certain amount of sophistication and

worldliness that torture my generation i mean i read books i'm wearing a beret it's like you can't fuck with us and a scarf but you could laugh about that and it would be great. Of course. But if I was 21 and I was wearing a beret, I was serious. I was really trying to wear a beret like a fucking asshole. Like what am I? You know what I mean? Like what are those green – what are those dudes, the guardian angels? Remember that? Oh, they were the greatest.

Do you remember that? Of course. Dude, I remember being in Boston and they just made it to Boston. They're red berets. Yeah. They were in New York for a while and they just made it to Boston. They're red berets. Yeah, they were in New York for a while, and they just made it to Boston. And the guy was walking around with his Guardian Angels t-shirt on and his beret on, and he's walking. And I look at him, and I'm following him, and I'm locking eyes. And he looks at me and goes, fuck you.

He gave me the finger. And I'm like, what? I didn't even say anything. I didn't even say anything. And you are a fucking guardian angel really and then the guy who was uh the head of it who's like some radio dj guy now he like faked a rape he faked uh where he helped someone and and it yeah he got shot you know yeah but there was something he faked hold Hold on. I'll pull it up. I don't want to slander the young man. Curtis Silva, I think his name is.

Yeah. Fake story. Let's look up fake story. I think he got mugged and he started the – Yeah, I think that was horse shit. Yeah. Yeah. I think that might – okay. Curtis Silva's History of Lies and Publicity Stunts Part 1.

Ooh. Oh, no. That's not good. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. stunts part one ooh that's not good yeah um he admitted to creating and perpetuating at least six hoaxes over the years between 1979 and 1980 according to the december 14th 1992 issue of people magazine because that's remember when he got in trouble and the article still recounts a october 1980 publicity stunt where he claimed he was kidnapped by New York City Transit Police and told if the Guardian Angels don't quit patrolling the subways, they would kill him. Everyone was against us, Silva blatantly explained.

The mayor, the cops, even the public. We just needed some good attention. Oh, he's a fucking scam artist. You know, if you're a scam artist once, you're a scam artist forever. Fuck you. You know, this is just what this is what he's doing. I mean, I guess, can you bounce back from that? Sure.

I'm going to try to do that with my stand-up. Somehow I'm going to be like, I got arrested for making people laugh too much. They were pulling people out on fucking, out on stretchers. This guy would have to bounce back a long way though, man. You know, he would bounce, he'd have to bounce back a long way. Because this is, he's had another guy who worked with him who claimed that he faked several incidents including highly publicized rape of then-wife Lisa Sliwa. Jesus. Sliwa, whatever it is.

Yeah. And he faked that too. Yeah. Wow. It's bullshit. Well, they did lure him into a cabin. They did shoot him I think in the legs or something. Yeah. Well, whatever did lure him into a cabin. They did shoot him, I think, in the legs or something. Yeah, well, whatever it is.

I mean, who knows what happened. He might have paid someone to do something crazy to him. Who knows? Maybe it was just, if you're doing this many bullshit publicity stunts, you're probably a really annoying guy. Somebody eventually actually does want to shoot you. Gets really annoyed at you. Silly bitch. But if I was wearing that beret, yeah.

Yeah. Smack me. If I was 21, smack me. You're not allowed to wear a beret. Yeah, even today I can't pull off a beret yeah smack me if I was 21 smack me you're not allowed to wear a beret yeah even today I can't pull off a beret no nobody can

nobody can pull off a beret unless you're Randy Couture unless you're a green beret unless you're a green beret or in the French Foreign Legion then you can wear a beret or a G.I. Joe

yeah if you're G.I. Joe even then does the new G.I. Joe does he have a beret I think one of the guys the rock probably like Falcon or something berets if they're done well like I went to Afghanistan oh he's? Probably like Falcon or something. Berets, if they're done well, like I went to Afghanistan.

Oh, he's turned his corner. He came right back around. Berets, if they're done well. If you've got a machine gun and you're French or you're in the French Foreign Legion or something, you can actually – you look pretty good. Yeah, that is kind of – isn't that kind of funny that you're – like if you're a killer, you're allowed to wear a beret? Yeah, yeah. Like that's when you're allowed to wear the silliest hat ever. That's right.

We want you to wear the silliest hat ever because you're our best killer. Right. Like why not give him a cat in the hat hat? Imagine that. The fucking sea. Instead of the green berets. You can see that from too far away. The cat in the hats.

Just, they're so gangster they don't give a fuck if you see their hats. They're coming at you. This is pretty funny. Here's a screenshot of G.I. Joe 2. Right? We got the characters. And then we got, hi guys, I'm wearing a beret here. He doesn't look bad. No, the Brian keeps saying that he has a gay accent. You got it Brian. Just stop doing that

It's so dumb he's it doesn't sound like him and you can't keep repeating it. It's not funny It's not true. Nobody agreed with you. Oh people that agreed with you just wanted to talk to you They just wanted to reach out to you in the internet. There's a Dennis Quaid. He doesn't sound gay. All I said is I think Dennis Quaid sounds like a South Park character.

Really? He does. Trey Parker doing a South Park character. Well, what he did sound like in that movie you're talking about that The Day After Tomorrow was totally fake.

That's absolutely true. It was such a super fake movie that his acting sucked. It was a terrible movie i mean what's it called the day after tomorrow it's it's almost impossible it would be impossible to do and not be ridiculous what have you seen that you love besides les miserables what have you seen uh well that i got injected i got labor as rob injected into my with a laser beam i didn't i wouldn't watch it on the screen i want to experience it through my central nervous system.

Asshole first. I love musicals. I came in my own mouth. It's my cum. I opened my mouth and it was like a crescendo. A jet came out of my cock that was the exact

shape of my mouth on the inside and it went in seamlessly. It was an airtight gallon of cum that was the exact shape of my mouth on the inside, and it went in seamlessly. There it is. It was an airtight gallon of cum, just like a wiffle ball bat, expanded from the tip of my dick out in a fan, the shape of my mouth, and went right in the hole.

You had to sit through a fucking musical one time. I remember you told me, I go, what was it like? He goes, it was a murderous attention on my... A murderous assault on my attention span. A murderous assault on my attention span. Yeah, I had a friend that was in a musical one time i remember you told me i go what was like he goes it was a murderous attention on my murderous assault my attention yeah i had a friend that was uh you know a musical and we all went and uh we watched the first half and then i was like what do you guys think and they're like well i think uh she's doing a really great job i think it was awesome and i said that was a fucking murderous assault on your attention span how dare you pretend you'd like that nobody could

possibly like that you were you're watching? Nobody could possibly like that. You're watching nonsense. You're watching songs that suck for no reason. Someone's singing songs for no reason, and those songs are fucking terrible. This shit doesn't make any sense. You shut your mouth. You shut your mouth. You're not enjoying this. It would just be weird if I started singing now to tell you.

Joe, you're my friend. And they drop their jaw. So stupid. I get embarrassed when I see those things where all of a sudden the guy starts to sing. Well, what about the time that you had an acting class? Brian had an acting class once. Oh, yes. And it was in – who did I – okay.

It was Brian in an acting class and it was, he had a, the teacher was singing show tunes and Brian called me up and he says, you have to come to this. My teacher is going to sing show tunes and he means it. I knew you'd love it. He means it. So I went, I found Brian and me and him just like cuddled up like a couple of retards. Like, oh my goodness, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen it was great

he was singing like I've got to remember he was a great you know he was a guy he's a great guy but he just loved show tunes fucking loved them and very straight

and I was just I was so fascinated I was like you love musicals he loved them you know I sat through a musical you know I took

a musical theater class you know that did I ever tell you that was that your teacher was he the teacher yes I was so obsessed with the You know I took a musical theater class. You know that. Did I ever tell you that? Was that your teacher? Was he the teacher? Yes. I was so obsessed with the whole idea. I was like, I got to see who loves this stuff.

I get obsessed with that stuff. I love seeing the insanity. And I'll get involved in it, man. I enjoyed it, man. I enjoyed it for all the wrong reasons. Of course. But you and I had a great fucking time that night. It was really a good laugh.

Yeah, he was great. I had the lyrics of one of his songs stuck in my head for so many years because it was so bad. It was like, May you have a drink when you are thirsty and need a drink. Really literal songs on the nose.

Really bad. But it was like one of those where it was like, She's gone away on a train. Yes, yes. The sun is down. may you on a train yes yes the sun is down may you have a hug when you need a hug we should do a music oh no we shouldn't yes no we're hunting now for dear i really enjoyed um the book of mormon that was the last i didn't see that it was great it's great it's really good uh but i like their movies better how about that how about that even even even it's the best case scenario when a bunch of people are

singing it's not as fun musical theater guy now south like south park the movie is still to this day i think like one of the greatest comedy special or comedy movies it's everything i remember you called me at that you know i've never seen it oh my god that's so crazy team america never oh my god i have to right what is wrong with you i'm gonna do that that's what i'm gonna write that I've never seen it. Oh, my God. That's so crazy. Have you seen Team America? Never. Oh, my God. I have to, right? What is wrong with you? I'm going to do that. I'm going to write that down right now.

And it was because it was so ridiculous. And Team America was also a musical. There was a lot of musical elements to it. It was a little bit of music and then a lot of acting, sort of like even like the Book of Mormon. Isn't that the one where Sean Penn got really mad at them for making fun of... Did he? Yeah, of a lot of things. Come on, Sean, you've got to take it easy.

Oh, Sean. He gets a little uptight. He needs a hug. Well, once again, he's a fucking actor. There's no getting around that, man. The best actors, the coolest ones to hang out with are still not nearly as interesting as your average landscaper. Right.

It's a fact. That's why on my podcast I never have actors. I want to have like you know yeah other people like somebody who writes a book or uh you know or a soldier i don't know somebody a lawyer you know that's more interesting to me yeah i remember i was listening to an interview and i think brad pitt's an awesome actor no doubt about it but it was like i was listening it was like on cnn and i wasn't paying attention you don't care and i was like who's this idiot that larry king's talking to look over there it's brad pitt yeah it doesn't mean he's good at making believe and that's what it is and I wasn't paying attention. You don't care. And I was like, who's this idiot that Larry King's talking to? I'm like, go over there. It's Brad Pitt.

Yeah. It doesn't mean he's good at making people leave and that's what it is. Well, yeah. It doesn't mean he's got charisma. He's great to look at. It doesn't mean I'm going to listen to his point of view on life. You know, I mean. Well, and also I think that the ability to transform yourself into another person like,

you know, doesn't necessarily lend itself to you being an eloquent public speaker and representative of of your craft you know you're probably a weirdo it's like thinking weirdo you mean because daniel day lewis lived in a fucking log cabin with no electricity through the whole time he shot lincoln hey hey meanwhile it's called acting dude still sucked that's gotta suck when you do that when you spend so much time and you're still boring the fucking shit out of me the movie the boxer he trained for three years to be a boxer for real he got good and i watched i was like well you could have done the movie without being a boxer actually it wasn't it wasn't that it wasn't like the deciding factor

but it was to him man you understand he is that guy christian bale said the best they said why do you lose weight all you put yourself through all this crazy shit. He goes, you know why I do that stuff, dude? I make believe I wear makeup for a living. It doesn't make me feel like a man, so I gotta make it really fucking difficult on myself. It was a great answer. That dude needs a hug, too. They all need hugs. Okay? Marky Mark doesn't have that attitude.

Uh-uh. Okay? And look at him. He's successful. You guys want attitude and you want to laugh? You come to San Antonio Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. LOL. LOL. successful guys want it you guys want attitude and you want to laugh you come to san antonio l laugh out loud comedy club friday saturday and sunday and listen to the 10 minute podcast and brian callen show i'm out yeah you dirty fox all right that's a good way to end this thing let's fucking wrap it up this uh this uh saturday night i'll be in indianapolis indiana with young tony henchiffe, taking Tony out on the road, break his little comedy booty, break his cherry in.

He's Joe Rogan. What'd you say? H plus H, Cliff Plessy. What is that? That's how you spell his last name. Oh, silly. So that's this Saturday night, Indianapolis, New Brunswick in New Jersey. I'm pretty sure it's sold out.

And I think San Jose is sold out too. So Sam. Joe Rogan. The sold out too. So, suck it. The Joe Rogan experience. Suck it. That's my walking dead voice. Every time I see you and then I see me, we've said something that could have been brothers. Oh, easily. Well, everybody in my house, by the way, my parents watched the meat eater episode.

They wanted to see it because they were kind of freaked out about me killing a deer. It was a little odd to see them watch us gut it with a hatchet like chip open the fucking rib cage it's pretty intense stuff yeah but um they were like you guys look like the closest to brothers you ever have like as you get older you really look like brothers it's getting weird i kept like i was like is that joe or that me it's strange i'm better looking fun times a little sexier you're a little sexier. Rogan.ting.com, bitches. Go there. Save yourself $25.

Put it in your mouth. Put it in your mouth and rub its balls. That doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry, Ting. You don't deserve that for your commercial. Rogan.ting.com. Go there and save yourself $25 off either a phone or service. An excellent company that supports the podcast.

So please support them. We are also brought to you by Squarespace. And I think it is squarespace.com forward slash Joe. And I think the code is Joe3, right? No. It's probably Joe4 now. If 4 doesn't work, do Joe3, right? No. Joe4 now. It's probably Joe4 now. If 4 doesn't work, do Joe3.

Yeah. Be creative. If 4 doesn't work, just figure it out, you dirty fucks. But go to Squarespace and support them. Easy, easy website setup and awesome ability. Look at this nice website I got. Look at that. I want Dolphin Butthole.

He put that shit together while this show was going on, ladies and gentlemen. Okay? I mean, it's really that ridiculous. And he probably will maintain it, too. It's so easy. Throw some pictures up there every now and then. And only people who listen to this episode will know about this. Register that.

Hurry. Quickly. Use Hover to register it. I want Dolphin Butthole. Dot com. Don't get dot org because then you can't profit legally, I think. I made that up. Get dot net.

Be clever. Be different. Be indie. legally i think i made that up get dot net be clever be different be indie um uh go also to um squarespace.com forward slash joe right is that what it is did we figure it out yeah um yeah go there let's go to squarespace you fucks gotta get yourself a goddamn website we're all out of the uh chimp kettlebells at on it.com but we got more coming and like i said a lot more cool shit headed your way and if you think of any cool shit that we need to have in the store

fucking let us know about it dick pills settle down son those gas station ones you can't sell legally over the internet them cialis chinese mixtures sold from canada powerful brian callan from Canada. Powerful Brian Callen. Thank you for having me on, John Rogan. Thank you for being on again. You, sir, are awesome. Not as awesome as you, my friend. You are the awesomest ever, so it's impossible to be any more awesome.

So what you said makes no sense. Yeah. Powerful Brian Redband. Where are you at this weekend, Cupcake? Tell these people. Ice House Friday.

Powerful Ice House Friday. Who's going to be there with you? I don't know yet. Powerful lineup, though. There's always really be there with you? I don't know yet. Powerful lineup, though. There's always really funny comics in town. I mean, it's L.A. And Pasadena Ice House is the oldest comedy club in the country as far as I know. Is it really?

Yeah, it's been around more than 50 years. I like that little room and I like the big room. Yeah, we just did the little room last Friday night. It was fucking amazing. Hey, we love the shit out of you people. And we'll see you tomorrow with Douglas Rushkoff, a brilliant author and a really interesting guy and we should gonna we're gonna have some really cool conversation tomorrow with douglas uh google him if you don't know who the fuck he is what am i your mom suck it see you fucks tomorrow.