The Joe Rogan Experience - #355 - Dom Irrera

Episode Date: May 7, 2013

Dom Irrera is a stand up comedian, and also hosts his own podcast called "Dom Irrera Live from The Laugh Factory".

And cue the music, Jamie. The great Dom motherfucking Herrera is here. Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. My longtime friend, one of my longest-timest friends in the history of my life. Mr. Dominic Herrera. Thank you, Joe, for folks' sake. Dom and I have been friends for, shit, It's been at least 20 years now. Isn't that weird?

Yeah. It's crazy. It was 20 years, right? I brought you up in Montreal. That's the first time I remember meeting you. I think it was 93. Yeah, I think that was 93. And then we met in Amsterdam Billiards.

And we talked for a little bit. I didn't know you played pool. And I was all excited. There's only a few of us that play pool. Like Ferrara. Adam Ferrara plays really good pool. Fitz Simmons. Fitz Simmons plays really good pool.

Ari plays good pool. Yeah. This is like a few times I get so excited. I remember bringing you up thinking, this is a new breed of comedian. This kid looks like a fucking tough kid. Even when I didn't know you were into martial arts. I was thinking, I mean, you were funny.

You were always funny. I'm not just stroking you. But I remember bringing you up thinking, this ain't the fucking kid who had problems with his mother and talks about his, you know what I mean, you were funny. You were always funny. I'm not just stroking you. But I remember bringing you up thinking, this ain't the fucking kid who had problems with his mother that talks about this. You know what I mean? Because it was a different – and I told you this before. Your group of comedians were like more tougher men. I grew up with a lot of like nebbishy kind of – Well, I grew – well, doing comedy, I started out in Boston.

And those guys were particularly manly. They were particularly manly. You know who made me think that I could do it, honestly? Like who it didn't make me think that the way I looked would be an impediment? It was Nick DiPaolo. Oh, okay. Because Nick DiPaolo was a great head of hair. He's a fucking devastatingly handsome guy.

He was way better looking than me. And he was bigger than me. He's big, like a football player. Yeah, he was a football player. But he was hilarious. Yeah. And I was like, football player. Yeah, he was a football player. But he was hilarious. Yeah. And I was like, whew. Like, it was a weight off my shoulders.

Because I remember thinking that I looked like an athlete or something. Right. And it looked like a jock. You know, if you look like a jock, like, you're automatically categorized, and it automatically makes you less funny. Yeah, yeah. No, it's definitely. I mean, there's, like, look at Gary Goldman.

Yes. Perfect example. Beautiful man. Too tall. Too beautiful. Too beautiful. Too, yeah. Too beautiful. He's definitely. I mean, look at Gary Goldman. Yes. Perfect example. Beautiful man. Too tall. Too beautiful. Too, yeah. Too beautiful. He's perfect.

He's a hunk. He's cute. You know what I like about him? His hips. He's got beautiful hips. He's a fucking devastatingly handsome man. He's big. He's handsome.

One time, Laura Keitlinger. He's hunky. He's hunky. I'd like to take him to a prison cell. Laura Keitlinger, right? We're in Ireland. Remember Laura? Sure, yeah.

Very funny. Very pretty, too. Yes. She's dressed. She looks like a fucking model. And she's dying on stage. And she's really funny. She goes, what happened?

I go, you look too good. The guys can't laugh at you. The girls don't think you're funny because you're too pretty. And the guys can't laugh because their girlfriends are looking at them to see if they're looking at you. Do you know Brian Frazier? Do you remember brian frazier from boston uh probably i don't he stopped doing stand-up but uh he writes we we i haven't spoke to him quite a bit but uh he at one point in time was enormous he was a bodybuilder and he i mean he was super he's like he's one of those like super dedicated, super disciplined dudes that can like force himself to work an hour and a half a day and eat strictly healthy. He was fucking gigantic.

I mean he was huge. And he would go on stage with like a golf shirt on and I had to pull him aside. I go, dude, you can't wear that. Right. And he's like, why? And I go, because you're too big. I go, trust me. I go, you got to trust me on this.

I go, dude, you're big. I go, trust me. I go, you got to trust me on this. I go, dude, you're my friend, and you make me nervous. Like, your fucking arms are gigantic. He had, like, pythons in his arms. They were too big. You couldn't stop. You couldn't not look at them. How about Piscopo when he got, you know those things at the carnival where you stick your head into the muscle man's body? Yeah.

That's what Piscopo looked like. Yes. No, no, no. Brian Frazier was bigger than him. Yeah. I'm telling you. the big no he was not no no it's piscopo maybe yeah but frazier was just like super dedicated he was like crazy dedicated here's his funny fucking story because he he he's a really funny guy and he looks like maybe like an irish guy from the midwest but he's jewish and he's he at this time had like a really fucking he's you know he's got a temper and he doesn't like people fucking with him you know he was i mean he and i never had any problems but he was at a gig in

vermont once and we were. We worked together up there. And he had a little bit of a problem with his voice. He had a little bit of a cold. And so he was saying to the owner of the club, he was apologizing for his voice being fucked up. And the guy who owned the club said something like you know what what are you being a jew or something oh something along those lines like you sound like a jew right because he didn't think he was jewish yeah yeah it was something along those lines it was

like really crude you know like and brian went fucking crazy he went crazy it was a desk between him and the guy and that's probably the only thing that stopped him from smashing this guy but he was so scary because he was like really fucking strong and i remember thinking like because back then like i didn't even lift weights like i would i never lifted weights in my taekwondo days i was like i was pretty skinny in comparison he was like way bigger than me i was like god damn i don't know if i can stop him from from hurting this guy yeah yeah you know because he's just so much stronger than him you just run right through him like a bull but that one thing

the guy said to him like don't be a jew like what are you being a jew i forget i forget what it was but i remember like going oh shit like that's the moment where you're trying to talk your friend out of doing something really stupid yeah yeah where the moment like i know how you feel i know how you feel and you're right to be upset but please don't do anything let's get the fuck out of here if you do something right now that's going to be stupid it's a mistake and it's going to fuck up your freedom you're going to get locked in a cage you're not going to do this because now it's civilized people do and keep the fuck away from people if you don't like them but you don't have to beat them up you know that that gets real weird i i know when you get that look that you you're

thinking it but you don't go into action remember one night we were some drunken kids came up to us at the pool hall and one kid just fucking lit you up and you i just looked at you i thought i know he ain't gonna lose it but uh this kid has no idea the fucking danger he's in. Well, he was, I remember what you're talking about. It's just drunk men. Yeah. I mean, I couldn't imagine what it's like to be a woman and deal with a drunk man wanting to hold you down

and fuck you. Oh, yeah. The same type of, like occasionally you just, you will just run into people that are just, maybe they're not like that when they're sober. I don't know. I mean, you know, some people just have a problem. They drink and they just get weird.

But when you're around like aggressive drunk dudes, it's so unfortunate. It's like, oh, what a fucking predicament. This has got to suck to be a chick. And then they start repeating themselves. But I always say, look, you know, it bothers me me a little bit but at least it's not threatening like it is to a chick i really always think about that yeah when i see those kind of like really drunk douchey guys it's it's it's got to be a terrifying thing to have a guy you know want to hold you down and fuck you here just it is it is joe it's got to be awful tell me the truth tell

me the truth it's terrible I can't take it anymore. My back's killing me. When you were saying the thing about – It's kind of fucked that that's still around, isn't it? Yeah. Well, you know, with my goddaughter living with me, I can't sleep unless she's home. You know what I mean? And like honestly, my godson, he's like close – if he got blown at a party by the kid's mother who threw the party, I go, Danny, that must tell me about it. And don't rat the lady out.

But you know what I mean? It's so different with girls. It's totally different. It's totally different. I was thinking of something you said before about when you said the guy was Jewish and he didn't. You know how you're part of your culture, you're part of your background. I was married to a Jewish woman, right? And one day I said, not meaning it in anything, just my own ignorance.

I said, you know, maybe we can Judah guy down. And she said, that's really insulting. I go, why? And she explained it to me. So then I just start saying, let's Christian that motherfucker down just to bring it back on myself. That's funny because uh frazier got mad at me for using that expression oh that guy yeah yeah same guy i mean they get mad at me like threatened me you know we're friends but he's like you know that's really a rude thing to say

and i thought about i was like you know i've always said it i never thought of it i didn't even think it was a bad thing i was like you know a guy's got gold chains on oh he's guinean it up yeah you know you want to get some money. Oh, I'll chew the guy down. I didn't think that it was bad to be frugal. No. You know? I never connected the two.

I never meant it as an answer. Until he said it, and then I saw it. Then it was obvious. Once he said it, I was like, yeah, I guess that is pretty insensitive. Speaking of that, do you know that they got a guy today, 95 years old, who was a Nazi at one of the camps? Oh, God. 95, and they arrested him. You think he's going to get life?

But seriously, did you see it? That's a terrible thing for karma, the fact that I lived that long. Argentina. Yeah, 95. That was a big thing. South America, right? Yeah, they all went there. He said he was a cook at the concentration camp.

Oh, my God. Yeah. You know what's scary about the Nazis? That shit was not that long ago. These guys are still alive. Not that long ago, yeah. They're still alive. Some of them are still alive.

Well, that's what I think about when Mel Brooks did The Producers, how fresh that was. I mean, how fucking ballsy was that? Don't be a dummy, be a schmardy. Come and join the Nazi party. Remember when they were doing the goose step dance? Yeah. Remember the movie? Yeah.

And I was thinking, that was in the 60s. Yeah. And the war didn't end until the 40s. Yeah. 45? 47, I think it was. Was it 47, though? I think it was. Was it 47? I thought it was 45, but whatever.

It wasn't that far back, and he did this whole thing about Hitler. It was fucking hilarious and total balls. Oh, yeah. No. It was 45 at the end? No. Mel Brooks was a bad motherfucker. Yeah. Still is.

Still is, apparently. Brian Callen knows him. Oh, no, no. It's Fitzsimmons. So Fitz Brian Callen knows him or knows oh no no it's Fitzsimmons Fitzsimmons knows him says the guy just fucking hangs around goes to

go to a coffee shop and talk to people I'd love to know him I met him like a super personable guy right just a real nice guy enjoying life

his fucking son is a badass author yeah his son is the bad-ass author. Yeah. His son is the one that wrote that world war Z movie. Oh yeah. Yeah. His son wrote the book, which I guess a lot of people,

I haven't seen the movie yet, obviously, but a lot of people are pissed that they deviated from the book. Oh yeah. You know, sometimes they do that, but yeah, his,

his son's a bad-ass author. He did two of the funniest movies ever. Young Frankenstein. Producers, Blazing Saddles, three movies. Yeah, Young Frankenstein was fucking hilarious. At the time, he was the man. I mean, if you went to see a Mel Brooks movie, there's really no one to compare it to today

because he would act in them, he would write them. He always had to sing or something. i saw high anxiety yeah he was singing like a lounge singer he's going high anxiety and he goes ziety each time you are near you know just the idea of ziety so fucking stupid mel brooks was a genius man he was a genius, man. He was a powerful, prolific genius. He did a lot of really good stuff. At the time, it was him and Woody Allen. He was more silly. Yeah.

Well, Woody Allen's pretty fucking silly, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. I love the one where he's playing the cello in a marching band, but he has to run up and sit down for a couple bars. Take the money and run. Have you couple bars what do you take the money and run have you you've seen uh mel brooks history of the world yeah oh yeah it's funny man that's beautiful stuff it's beautiful stuff at the time like i was just there was nobody there's nobody

else like that making movies like that it was like you you heard it was a mel brooks movie you knew you were it was a certain standard of comedy that you're going to get. It was great stuff. Well, they could never make Blazing Saddles today. No, they couldn't. Just too racially charged. I mean, there could never be it all in the family today. It's true.

Yeah. I don't believe they're – and it's sad. It's sad. People would – you know, the good thing is, look, it sucks that people like that ever exist, that there really could be a guy like Archie Bucker that's that racist. Yeah. But it's still fun. My uncle was like that. Yeah.

We had family members that were like that. There were people that were worse than that, by the way, like way worse than that. He wouldn't even give black people credit for being good looking. You know what I mean? Like if a black woman was beautiful, he'd go, that's a white nose. She's got a white nose. You know what I mean? Right. He'd woman was beautiful, he'd go, that's a white nose. She's got a white nose. You know what I mean? Right.

He'd bring up, as if all white people are beautiful. That's funny. Yeah. But it was real. You know what I mean? He hated like, because when I was a kid, I grew up with the Beatles. He hated the Beatles. He hated like anything rock and roll.

That was a ruination of the world. Well, you know what, Dom? I think, I used to wonder what the fuck that was all about. a ruination of the world. Well, you know what, Dom? I used to wonder what the fuck that was all about. And I think what it really boils down to is that people have these weird natural tribal instincts. They have these weird tribal instincts, and they belong to a tribe.

Yeah. And whether that tribe is being a Republican or whether that tribe is listening to fucking classical music, you know, whatever the fuck it is that they decide this is where they draw the line, this is where they take a stand. It's a tribal thing, you know? It's weird deviations of our need to form groups, you know? So we'll get upset about shit

that doesn't matter even a little bit. I try and not be stuck in any one era, you know? The only thing I was thinking, I don't even know if this is funny or not, but's what's going to happen in the rock and roll hall of fame in 15 years like when there's no groups left and it's like rap music is dumb you know what i mean like because it would be like you know with motherfucker this motherfucker you know you're not like any rap music at all. I do. What do you like? Well, I mean, I like Snoop is great, I think. I like Eminem, I love. Right.

Some of the music we hear. Would you like buy Eminem on iTunes? Yeah, I have. I couldn't imagine seeing Don Marrera. Well, you know, I get brought up to, what do you want? Lose Yourself, you know Lose Yourself? Yeah. That's fucking great.

The beginning is great. And just when you get one chance in a lifetime, don't blow it. Yeah, no, that's a beautiful song. No, he's a bad motherfucker, Eminem. And I like the one, Mama Never Meant to Hurt You. Tonight I'm Cleaning Out My Closet. It's pretty fucking good. He has some great fucking songs.

I'm coming out soon. Does he really? Yeah. Good for him, man. He's brilliant. Yeah. I think he doesn't like to perform I heard that

he has a problem he doesn't like to go outside he gets anxiety well you know I mean didn't you know how fucking famous that dude is you know

he got so famous I mean he got crazy famous he got famous to the point where it's probably probably fucks with your head yeah well you know I was thinking last time we were shooting pool

and you're very good with people but the guy got on your nerves because Joe was just – we were getting tired and we both – both of us were kind of tired and you said, I'm fucking racking the balls he wants to take a picture. Like that made a difference. There was no good time. The poor guy, I mean he was – you were nice to him anyway, but I just knew you weren't in the mood for – It's just drunks. It's all right and that guy particularly that was no big deal yeah that was just you know someone was just enthusiastic and

wanted to take a picture that's all good it doesn't bother me at all the the what bothers me is the the drunk thing where you yeah yeah the drunk close to your face they're clunky repetitive they grab you yeah, I really like that. Grab my neck again. I go for that. I'm cool with everything but the drunk thing. And if it seems like you're drunk, it's like, ooh, boy, I don't know. Are you drunk?

How close do I get to you, stranger? You know, you never see me drunk. I've seen you drunk. Really? I've seen you drunk at the Laugh Factory. Really? Yeah. How long ago?

At least an hour ago. An hour ago? I don't think you've seen me drunk. Yeah, it was months ago. Many, many months ago. One of the last, I mean, I've only been to the Laugh Factory maybe three or four times over the past decade. You're not going to come back?

No, I would go back. I like what you do. That Wednesday night show of mine. I'll do whatever you're doing. If you doing shit there i'll be happy to do you're breaking balls with don marrera i'd be happy to do because i like when you do the half hour at the end then we have the interview yeah that was fun you had a great crowd it was there were smart people you know that was uh that was a fun crowd but i've been i've been to the laugh factory i said like four or five times yeah but one of

those times you were drunk you motherfucker i was drunk on stage no no not on stage no one time when the last one time on stage i was drunk because i said something and then when i realized i was drunk i said something you go i don't know what the fuck you're talking about you know you didn't even say it like in an attacking way you're was confused. And I realized, oh, fuck. You were hammered? Yeah, because he gives me an Irish coffee. You can't give an Irish coffee with half that there's so much whiskey the coffee's cold. Oh, is that what he did? Yeah.

And I drank two of them. Look at him. Two of them. So what is that, like five drinks probably? Five whiskeys? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, shots?

Yeah, at least. That makes my balls hurt. You say that like, what else makes your balls hurt? Right here. I was out to a restaurant last night with a friend of mine. You know those guys that make everything sexual? Like whatever. And the waitress, her fish was taken along. And she went, I'll get you some zucchini sticks.

This has nothing to do with sex. And when she walks away, he goes, I'll give you zucchini sticks. I'll give you with sex and when she walks away he goes i'll give you a zucchini stick i'll give you the you know to be like nothing to do with anything yeah there's dudes that always have that i'll give you here here's your zucchini sandwich yeah i'll give you a sandwich a nice meatball right here like i said i'm glad I'm not a girl. I'm glad you're not a girl, too. You'd be fucking scary. I never seen a girl with such a defined back.

I've seen them. I've seen some big ones. How about the one who came out last week? She's got an Adam's apple. Who's that? I forget her name. She just went into the pros. I think her team won the national went into the pros just they were

I think her team won the national championship yeah when you go I mean when the pros for what like a beard on her dick she's so masculine she came out of the closet who is she she said she was the all-time shot blocker in the NCAA, the women's division. She played for Baylor. But she is like a man. So this is basketball? Yeah. But I mean, the thing is, it was nothing.

It meant nothing to anybody. Then that guy comes out, the seven-foot guy, the twin. But she didn't tell his twin brother he was gay. Did you see that? What? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. He came out of the closet.

But he came out of the closet but he came out of the closet at 34. This guy? No, this is this guy. But look at her Adam's apple. Wait a minute. Hold up. What's going on there? That's a girl? That's a girl. You want to hear her voice? Sure. Give me a second.

So she just came out of the closet? Is that what you're saying? She came out of the closet a while ago. There's a player who plays in the NBA. His name is Jason Collins. He just came out of the closet is that what you're saying yeah there's a player who plays in the nba his name is jason collins he just came out this week in a sports illustrated right right that was a big deal right yeah was he the first gay player ever he was the first who was actively who still might be playing but he might not even make a team because he's 34 and he's not any good that's like a third string center he He might have done it because of that. Maybe he would go president. You're saying he went gay just for publicity.

That's what you're saying. Yeah, I think he was. Well, no, he's gay. I can see by the way he shoots. Do you think before they tie that, we're ready to put this story to bed, but we need to see Suckercock first. I mean, this might be a big publicity stunt.

Did you hear Bill Burr talk about it? No, is that what he said? He says he should pay a cover charge to go to the shower. That's funny. That's very funny. That's very funny. Bill Burr, I don't get him. I love people that say they don't get him.

Who says that? No, you know, just somebody who's jealous. There's a lot of that, by the way. Fucking Bill's as good as anything out there. You know, there's a real disturbing thing in comedy where people don't want other people to be good as well. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but we all know a certain number of people who've been afflicted by that, whether voluntarily or involuntarily.

Some of them try to kick it. Yeah. Well, Jimmy Brogan's one of those old bitter guys. He's a nice guy, but he used to write for The Tonight Show. You know who he is? Yeah. And he was upstairs and somebody was on stage, a young comic. He goes, look, let's listen. I don't get it. I go, you know what? It doesn't matter. They get it.

Listen to the audience. They get it. It doesn't mean everything's quality, but give them credit, you know? Yeah, that's a weakness, man. It's like the why, you know, either like it or don't like it. But, you know, to really like focus all your negative energy on it like that. Those people, they become a drain. with other people. It's like when you're all in the same sort of business together and there becomes a guy who just for one reason or another just can't seem to get it together. Yeah.

And so they start spewing venom. And then you're around him. You pick that up. Like if you happen to be working with a guy, he's like a middle act. He's just bitter and nasty. Like he can ruin your whole weekend. Yeah, Dub Davidoff played in Invincible.

He played a character that was part of Vince Papali's group, the guy who was the football player who they based the movie on. Uh-huh. And it was

an interesting character because he was, he's so resentful of his friend's success that when everybody was cheering, you just see him looking in his glass

and staring, you know, like, fuck, he got something else in life. And here I am at the bar. You know what I mean? Right glass and stirring, you know, like, fuck, he got something else in life. And here I am at the bar. You know what I mean? Right. Dub played it really well, but it was an interesting character.

Because I thought about, I've seen it with comedians. When a comedian gets something, it's like, when I started out, I started out with Eddie Murphy. Right. Right? And I was up for Saturday Night Live. And I was like, I was hired for three episodes. I don't know if I ever told you that. Yeah.

Anyway, Eddie became a star, and people would actually say to me, does that bother you? I go, no. Do you think if Eddie Murphy didn't do 48 hours, I would have? I said, that's nothing to do with me. It's him. He did it. He's talented.

Yeah, but what is it that stops people from ever seeing that? What is it that makes people just go seeing that what is it that makes people just go fuck him fucking eddie murphy yeah you know if i was in that movie it'd be even better tell you what fuck eddie murphy petty they're petty and they couldn't follow me in cleveland this weekend when i fucking buried him he was the middle i was the middle he was the headline i was like seriously well we know so many of them and those stories are so gross the i. He was the headliner. I was like, seriously? Well, we know so many of them. Those stories are so gross.

I blew them off the stage. Oh, yeah. And crushed. Unless they're talking about a dickhead. And then suddenly they become cool. If it was a guy you don't like. Somebody you hate. Yeah, and you're like, oh, how bad did he eat it? You know I don't like that guy.

Plates and plates of shit. Joe, you know I don't like Bobby Collins, right? Yes, I know. There's only three guys I really don't like in comedy, and he's one of them. And I do this benefit. It's called Rags to Riches in Vegas. It's all these rich Jews and Italian garment guys,

fucking hilarious crowd. They all think they're funny. And Bobby Collins was there last year, right i said to them i said no matter how bad i do i know i'm not going to be worse than fucking bobby collins right and they fucking cheered because he had a tough set this isn't on the air right no okay this is only on the internet. It only reaches the whole world. A lot of people. It's a weird group. I love that they listen to you in Ireland.

Like I told you, I'm going to be in Kilkenny in three weeks. Yeah, well, that's one of the most beautiful things about the internet is that you can get shit from anywhere. You can listen to a podcast like London Real. Those guys do one from London. You can listen to a podcast from Switzerland or Iceland or fucking whatever. It's so fucking cool. Yeah. It's taking so much power away from the man.

When you think about it, think about like- The man. The man. Like the main motherfucking man. Yeah. He was my main man. You killed him. Yeah, it definitely does.

And every comic has a podcast now. It's like there's every comedian that I know has a podcast. Isn't that funny? It's amazing. Yeah. It's like having a podcast is like having a Twitter account. Well, it's like having an act. I mean, you can have an act, but it doesn't mean it's going to be that good.

Yeah. That's true. But it also would like, it's another part of your act, sort of. Yeah. Jamie and I were talking about that before you came in. And I asked him, and it was kind of awkward, but I had to ask him, do you have eye makeup on? He's just a beautiful man. His eyes, not that I was like resting on them.

I'm just saying as I glanced by, his eyes look like he has makeup on. He's just beautiful. He is beautiful. his eyes look like he has makeup on. He's just beautiful. He is beautiful. The idea that your podcast is a part of your act, I mean, it's like when you're doing stand-up,

one thing that you're selling almost more than anything is like a point of view. It's like one of the beautiful things about watching a guy is that you lock into the way he's thinking, and you go, oh, I see what he's – huh. Yeah, yeah. And then you start laughing. But you lock into a point of view. You figure out a way to lock into his point of view.

Well, it's cool to do something without your act. Yeah. So I told you, not to stroke you, but because of the power of your podcast and your popularity, you were by far the biggest act we've had on as far as numbers went. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, and we've had a lot of good guys. Dom Herrera live from The Laugh Factor. That's a fun podcast.

Jamie was on today. You're really good. The thing about you is, hey, we're just giving each other a little massage, you know, ladies and gentlemen. This is what we do in show business. Hey, I embarrassed this man. This is how we celebrate each other. You just – you know, you're the real deal. So you don't bullshit things. You don't fake things.

It's really Dom Iverary they're talking. Some people, for whatever reason, can't do that. They get weirded out if they're doing an interview or they have that hard time just completely being themselves. Well, you don't have to do a punchline every fucking sentence. Well, you know that. Yeah. But there's a lot of guys who don't. They get nervous.

The thing I love about you, Dom, is that you always stayed true to stand-up. Stand-up was always the big thing for you. No matter what you did. You would occasionally do a TV show. It would be great if I got a series. But I'm a stand-up comic. That's what I do. And you've always loved it.

You're always writing new shit. You're always improving. I still love it. You still love it. And you still come up with new shit all the time too. That's like so important. It's such a – it's like – it's such a rare little sort of group of people that we know that like really really love

and appreciate the artist stand up yeah Brian Callen does fuck yeah he does fuck Ari does Ari does yeah yeah I went on after Brian

the other night at the Laugh Factory he had a terrific set so I'm busting I'm busting the crowd so nice to follow Brian because he sets the bar

so low that whatever you know he starts hollering at me from upstairs. They know we're fucking friends. I wouldn't do it. Like when I host a show, I said the true sign I don't like a person is if I give them a straight, nice intro. If I'm being nice and just gimmicking it, that means I don't have time for them. And what people don't understand too is like if you – we each other's balls, and it's really like a pleasure. It's fun.

Like if you say some stupid shit about me or if I say some stupid shit about you, we enjoy it. Of course. Like we make each other laugh, and some people don't see that. Like they see like two comics busting each other's balls, and they think like, oh, they are asserting dominance and hurting each other's feelings. No, they're having fun. And the fact that they can do it to each other, you know, it's a part of being a comic. The busting balls thing is a part of being a comic.

Yeah, well, when you said something a couple minutes ago about the guys who seriously talk about themselves in comedy, like, you know what? First of all, I'm not bragging, but I was incredible. I buried him. He couldn't follow me, Don Marrero. They should have

a music act going after me just to calm the audience down. There was a guy that he shall remain nameless. He had a website. Name names, man.

That's what we're on a podcast for. He had a website and in his website it had a whole story Bobby Collins. about how he blew Dice off the stage. Oh, really?

Dice couldn't follow him. Yeah. Who would that be? Oh, I don't know. But it's the fucking silliest shit I've ever read. I was like, okay, what are you talking about? One of the things I like about Dice is nothing phases him on stage. He doesn't give a fuck.

He did that special. He aired that two-CD special called The Day the Laughter Died. And he went up, essentially went up at Dangerfields in New York, unannounced. No one knew he was going there. And if you've ever been to Dangerfields, Dangerfields, when I was a kid, when I first came to New York, I fell in love with Dangerfields. That was my spot in New York City. It was an old-time nightclub. It was an old-time nightclub. It was an old-time nightclub.

It was off the beaten track. They gave you half an hour. The crowds were very small except weekends and sometimes prom shows were packed there. But it was where they filmed the Ronnie Dangerfield HBO special. Yeah, I was there. To me, that was Mecca in New York. I went there all the time.

We had to work with some really fucking crazy people. It was this Scottish guy who was the bouncer, owner of whatever. He was a character. Frank? No, it's not a Frank. What's his name? He looked like he was sitting down and we were standing. He was so squat. He was a brick house. He was was so squat. He was a brick house.

He was a brick house. That guy was gigantic. You don't get a fucking laugh for fuck's sake. He was a power lifter, that dude. He would grab people and throw them. He was a gentleman up until someone wasn't a gentleman to him. You fucked up. You noticed he was a big guy

but he was deceptively strong. He would do crazy weightlifting things. He had cement buckets. Did he really? Buckets. I didn't know about this. Those plastic buckets. Yeah.

Yeah, he had them filled with cement. He would do exercises with them. He did powerlifting. He did a lot of crazy shit. That guy was stupid strong. Yeah, but he was perfect for the nightclub. He was hilarious, too. He was always, you're going to try again with that shite act of yours?

He would bust your balls. But it was warm, you know? It was like he would do it with like half a smile on his face. And he'd be like, hey, man, I'm just trying to do my thing. And he would laugh. He was a good dude. But if you ever got in a tussle with that guy, oh, my God, he was terrifying. I saw him pick a guy up by his neck.

He grabbed the guy by the back of the neck and just hoisted him up in the air. But he's essentially doing it completely by his neck. There's prom shows. Kids would come in, and they would get so fucked up. Oh, yeah. They were so fucked up. Do you remember Al Lubell? Yeah.

A kid went on stage, took the microphone away from Al Lubell, and blew cigar smoke in his face. Wow. It was crazy. What did Al do? He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to get in a physical confrontation with him. I mean, Al was a lawyer, remember? Yeah, yeah.

So he backed away, and I don't remember what the fuck. I don't remember how it was resolved, because this was, Jesus, this was like 1991 or something like that, 92. Anybody ever come on stage with you? No, no. It wasn't his fault. It was just the kid was really fucked up. The kid was really big, too. He was a big football player-looking kid who was just really bold.

They were all trying to be superstars. This was like they were at Dangerfields, and this was like they're at danger fields and it was clear that no one really had the run of the place it was almost impossible to corral the crowds oh yeah they were really crazy that prom crowd is also so there's one what it's like saint patrick's day it's one day everybody gets fucked up and they were tough it was the craziest shows i ever worked in my life without a doubt because first of all you would work from like the time it was dark out from like 7 o'clock he would do shows till 2 o'clock in the morning and then we get off stage 2 in the morning and people told me that I didn't believe him but it was like good

it was good money the last spot at the improv used to be 345 340 throbbing a weekend nights I remember having 330 spots. Wow. That is incredible. But you know, I don't know if I ever told you this. The first time I did stand up for money was $50 at Seton Hall, right? I'm just fresh out of improv, improv group, all this shit. And I go up on stage and a girl starts heckling me. She was fucking out of her mind.

So I bring her up thinking, no, improv, right? The worst thing I could have done. Then she's laughing hysterically and then she starts crying hysterically oh my god like sobbing crying and i'm thinking man this fucking stand-up is harder than it looks you know and i don't know what to do and then this guy you wouldn't know this guy uh he died a long time ago uh he comes up on stage he was like he was a real pro and he just like took her off took me and i found out later that her brother's girlfriend was killed in an accident so she was fucked up on

pills and stuff but it was the first time i ever did stand-up and he covered for me he did in my extra 20 minutes and all but you know like this is my first fucking indoctrination that his whole new life i'm going holy shit Is that harder than it looks? What a shit roll of the dice. Never brought anybody up after that. That's fine. It's funny how hard stand-up really is, but then once you get good at it, how easy it is.

Well, it's easy because you can take your time and you can think like, you can literally think. When you're doing an act there's it's rote it's not you know then you're thinking oh if i lose my place i don't have a place right so i can't lose my place because it doesn't matter you don't care right if you go off and something you know you gotta you gotta always have like things to talk about yeah but i don't always have you don't have like you're no you don't do the exact same act, you know,

like not even close. No. And that, that makes it so much easier because then you, you know, you're free. And that's when, that's when I think it gets easy.

Yeah. That is when it gets easy. That's why I hate doing like the tonight show and shit like that. When they have it scripted of what you're going to say, it takes all the fun and spontaneity away from it. Well, it's really unfortunate that that's still the thing, those little seven-minute conversations.

Yeah, they're the hardest thing I do. Yeah, especially because you're doing it with a stranger. You know, I mean, even if they're – I mean, who's the closest? Who are you friends with out of all those guys? Craig Ferguson or Conan? Do you do Conan? No, I do Craig and Fallon. So, like, even though you see those guys maybe every now and again, you don't really like buddies with them.

It's not like you can sit down with them and be yourself. No, but I got to say, the thing about Ferguson, he never gets to a question. All the times I've done it, I've done his show probably eight times. Never gets, they ask, they have the pre-interview and the producers call the segment producers and they're so worried about what you're going to say. I know, oh,

he doesn't know much about baseball, but he knows about football and all right, all right. And then never gets to a fucking thing. Wow.

I had one of my most fun moments ever on television on his show because he asked me, he plugged a date at my Denver Comedy Works and I had already done it. I said, well, you got a really cracked staff here. I said, I've gotten so hot they have to post-plug me he he plugged the date at my denver comedy works and i had already done it i said well you

got a really cracked staff here i said i've gotten so hot they have to post plug my dates because there'd be a riot if they all knew i was there right and he goes and then he says to me from his desk look we'll start over i go i ain't starting over and he walks over i go look i got a spot at the laugh factory i gotta get to i said i'll do i said i'll do my monkey dance for you, and I'll come over and talk to you, but I ain't starting over. And we had like a fake fight. But it was great because the audience knew it was real. You know what I mean? And then I went over to the panel, and we just fucked around.

That's great. Well, he's a funny guy. Yeah. And he apparently does a lot of stand-up too, right? Does a lot of stand-up, yeah. Does a lot of road gigs. I know there's been places that I've been where I said he was just there was going there yeah good for him man it's just uh i would i would like to see him even more in an uncensored format for hours you know

i'd like to see a fascinating guy i've only worked with him once in toronto you know what i really became a fan of his um when he was talking about britney spe. Do you remember that? No, what did he say? It was, I don't want to paraphrase, but it was right around the time when she kept running into all these problems. There was something wrong. She was fucking tailspinning. He basically was like, why does everybody care about this?

You're talking about a little girl who needs help, like a young girl who needs help. And it was kind of, I mean, I little girl who needs help, like a young girl who needs help. And it was kind of, I mean, I didn't say little girl, but a young lady who needs help. And it was really kind of, it was refreshing. It was like, this isn't, you could tell, wasn't something that was like he was posturing and he was making an attempt at saying this

because he just wanted to achieve some moral high ground or something like that. It was a real, like, it felt like he has a voice. He's on television. Let's see if I can just get this message out. And it was so right. It was because it was like, why is everybody freaking out about this young lady who obviously does have problems when we're in the middle of fucking two different wars? And who knows what else is going on in the world who knows what the fuck else is going on it was like little lindsey lohan

now it's like she makes the news and but it's so we're so weird with that man it's so weird to fix i think we like to build somebody up and knock them down it's so weird to fix it on individuals like that it's so weird that yeah we definitely like to build them up and knock them down there's no doubt about that but it's weird how how people just get locked into that yeah you know what's lindy lohan up to now it's like once she becomes like this side show they just there's a market it she becomes it's almost like she becomes infected with fame yeah and then that fame but it fucking sucks onto her and she needs it sort of to give her money and and they need her and people like her yeah to fuel the their you know their little publicity

machine it's really fascinating stuff because they also have an incestuous relationship a lot of times some of these celebrities they actually choose to get their photos taken they ask sure they ask to set things up and their publicists set things up to keep them you know in the in the chatter we had just fascinating we had justin bieber at the laugh factory one night and i knew he was up there and you know he even said a couple things to me i was hosting he had that really cute little chick that he goes out with i forget she's a singer i think it's selena gomez yes right beautiful i'm sad i know that but i do she's beautiful but you said it before i anyway he uh his manager came up to jamie to ask me to mention that he was there i thought that was so unusual

because you know a lot of times like say sean comes in. He just wears his baseball cap down. Nothing. Not a word. Right. You know? And this kid wanted detention. I'm thinking, how much fucking attention do you need? You're like one of the most famous 16-year-olds ever.

Ever. You know? Well, that's. He wanted to be brought up. I mean, like, get a hand for him and all this shit. Really? Yeah. Well, he's probably, you know, it's his thing.

He gets a kick out of doing that. Yeah. He can just show up places and people cheer him. I bet he could, like, do that, just show up at a restaurant. Oh, fuck yeah. And Justin Bieber's here. Yay! That's a fascinating thing, man.

Well, it's fascinating to me that people comp movie stars and couldn't give a fuck about the guy who's laying in the alley. Right. You know, it's like. Well, he seems like he's handling it way better than most people would. Well, it's pretty unusual, yeah. I mean, he's like, you know, he says some silly things every now and again. But he's like 17 years old or 18 years old, whatever he is.

You should see the girl. It's a young kid. That girl is fucking hot. You can't say that. I think she's too young. I'm allowed to say she's hot. I think you're allowed to say she's hot. She's 18 young kid. That girl's fucking hot. You can't say that. I think she's too young. I'm allowed to say she's hot. I think you're allowed to say she's hot. She's 18?

Okay. If she's 17, you can't say she's hot. I think you've got to lie to yourself. What a girl. 17. She was just 17. You know what I mean? Yeah, right?

That was okay to sing back then. Yeah, but don't forget. He was only 20. How about Gene Simmons? Christine, 16? Oh, yeah. Remember that? Christine. Oh, Gene Simmons? Christine, 16. Oh, yeah. Remember that? Christine.

Oh, with Kiss. 16, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That was Gene Simmons. She was just 17. You know what I mean? Yeah. But the way she looked was beyond compare.

Wow. But this was a... Gene Simmons was singing how he has to have her. I've got to have you. I've got to have Christine. That's a great fucking song. And if you say it's not a great song, I say, got to have Christine. That's a great fucking song. And if you say it's not a great song, I say, fuck you, bitch. That's good.

That's a mature reaction. That's how I handle it. Fuck you, bitch. You can't shit on my childhood. There were a couple sweet 16 songs. Yeah, there was a lot of creepy dudes back then that got away with it. That's not creepy if you're 18. People died younger back then.

That's what it was. We're not talking about the Roman Empire, Joe. That's what it was, Don Marrero. Don Marrero. People died earlier back then. Come on, D. It's a known fact. That's what people could have said before Wikipedia.

It's a known fact. Yeah, before Google. That's a big point right there. A known fact. And that guy could just bullshit you all around. And there's nothing you could say. If he was good at bullshit, you'd be like, all right. No, you just don't want to fucking admit the encyclopedia britannica i've read all

the volumes like you don't know if you read it ah fuck we're gonna quagmire here you can't get out of this bullshit conversation asshole the asshole's just bullshitting i know he's bullshitting and then you find out years later that he was bullshitting it's a known fact that's funny those motherfuckers those it's a known fact. That's funny. Those motherfuckers. Those it's a known fact guys. They talk some crazy shit. You can look it up. I can't look it up yet.

Imagine what if you were like a long time bullshitter. Like if you were a crazy con man type dude and you're just an excellent bullshitter for many, many years. Yeah. Wonder how pissed those people were when Google came along. Oh, I know. It's like all of a sudden you know like they could make up the name of a company make up the name of a corporation now you'd go do you have a website and they'd be like no we don't have a website you'd be like oh really i was watching catch me if you can the other day where leonardo dicaprio is just like he becomes a pilot when he's 17 right right making checks and getting money you can't do that shit today, son.

Walked into a bank and they believed him because he was a pilot. Did he perform an operation too? Is that the one? Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, the idea that you could like have a fake company and get people to invest in your fake company and then you get that, oh, where's the money? Shit. Yeah, yeah.

Those days are, I mean, you have to be really dumb. I'm sure there's people that are really dumb or get, you know, they're super gullible, older folks or people with mental illnesses that get sucked into weird deals. Yeah, and people that are trying to get a quick buck like the Madoff thing. Madoff thing, I was personally affected by that because of people I love. But a lot of people are just looking for – People that you love lost money? Oh, millions. Millions.

Wow. Well, you love a lot of people that are fucking powerfully rich i know some people i've been around that's a lot of money around a million times yeah that bernie made up thing was to me you know what that showed that showed that this is a crazy system because if you guys didn't know he was cheating yeah how is it possible how is it possible because it was like a pyramid scheme and there were people still collecting money. So they were teased by it constantly. Well, they weren't just teased.

They benefited and profited from it immensely. Some of them made like big profits. But there's other ones that lost so much fucking money. Oh, yeah. That guy just went baller on everybody. Just had everybody's money all tucked away and just squirreled it off. Crazy fucking sociopathic asshole. And it's just...

What are you trying to say? He ain't a bad guy. He's just a victim of circumstance. Probably a psychopath. But the idea that it's possible for a guy to do that, that was so disheartening for me. Because I thought that it was more complicated and I thought it was more secure than that.

Some of it had to do with the greed of the people too, of wanting to be quickly rich. And these are people that, like I said, I know a lot of people and I care about them, but they readily admit they were looking for a quick buck. Right. Of course. Yeah. Well, that's what he was promising, right? He was promising big returns to a lot of people, right?

It's just a shocking thing, how much money he was handling. It's really shocking. Yeah. And then the wife's trying to squirrel some away and disappear into the night while the husband's locked up in jail for the rest of his life. Did one of his sons commit suicide? I think so. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, it was tough. You should have just changed his name. Oh, my God. Should have just what? Changed his name. The son? Madoff. I don't think it was his name. Oh, my God. Should have just what? Changed his name. The son? Madoff. I don't think it was even that.

I hope the son just realized. You know, I think especially when you're a young man and you probably grow up thinking that your family is doing really well because your father is a hardworking, smart man, and then he brings you into the business. And then somewhere along the line they probably had it figured out. Somewhere along the line. If they didn't know from the jump, then the guy couldn't take it, I guess. Or who knows?

The pressure of prosecution. The pressure, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're talking about like billions, billions and billions of dollars, right? Yeah. What was the number? I don't know. It was definitely like, billions, billions and billions of dollars, right? Yeah. What was the number? What was the total number? It was definitely in the billions that I've heard. I think it was, like, 50 billion.

It's a known fact. Joe. Jesus Christ. It's a known fact. It's a known fact. This fucking guy lost more money. I'm smelling Bitsky. There's a...

Did I ever tell you what Eddie Griffin was saying after 9-11? What? A lot of people don't even know that they store gold under the World Trade Center. Oh, no. And the subways kept running 24 hours a day. Oh. Well, you know, he... hours a day. Oh. Fuck. Well, you know, he...

He would get high and just say crazy shit. He actually thinks he's like a genius. And I heard him one night at the store. Who's going to argue with this bit? He goes, we got to stop giving our kids in Compton guns and knives and educate.

First of all, who gives their kids a gun? Hey, come here. Johnny, I want you to have a gun and a knife. Here, go to school. And he said, we've got to start educating them. Give them pencils and papers and books. Who the fuck is not going to agree to educate kids? I don't think they need education.

They need guns and knives. Eddie Griffin definitely had some crazy times, but I've seen Eddie Griffin fucking destroy. Really? I saw him in his prime when he did his first comedy special. It was a short set, I believe. I want to say it was a half an hour, but it might have been even less. He had a lot of confidence.

God damn, he crushed. He fucking crushed. He crushed, and it was a scary talent. It was a scary level of talent and energy that he put out and i remember watching him going wow that guy is fucking good i remember thinking that like wow that guy's got a lot of power in his act you know his act was like scary it was like boom yeah yeah it was so good it was so dynamic the way he moved you know the way he paused and expressed himself and you know he had like moments like that that make me think like if that guy just really dedicated himself to nothing but stand up and really like went legit and went down the path

he had moments if he could recapture those moments yeah i agree i think he had some mental issues, to say the least. He could be a little bit dumb. A little bit fucking dizzy. It's a known fact that a lot of people of his ilk, the stand-up comedian fellas, a lot of you motherfuckers go crazy. It's a known fact. Don Marrera, it's a known fact. That's what happens. Your mental illness and your being funny is not a coincidence, Don Marrera. Okay? It's a known fact.

You know, Joe, you think I'm paranoid. You think I'm paranoid. You don't think I see these people laying for me in the bushes outside waiting to fucking stomp me? Eddie Griffin was fucking funny at one point. I don't know. I haven't seen Eddie in a long time. I shouldn't say he isn't anymore.

You know? Who knows? Might be out there killing it. I don't hear about him much. I know that he has... He's a funny guy, though. He's a warm guy, too. Yeah, he does. He's got a good heart.

He is a very friendly guy. Part of his deal when he goes to a comedy club is he has to have brand new sneakers. You ever hear this? I've heard things like this. I didn't know it was him. Yeah, I don't know whether they're Adidas or I think whatever it is. It's a big company, and he has to have a brand new pair of white Michael Jordans or something.

I think it's Nike. Nike. But fucking hilarious. That's wild. The man, the guy goes, I couldn't fucking find them. Well, if you have a thing where you need to wear brand new sneakers right as you walk on stage and that gives you like superpower. That might sound ridiculous. But if you were a young guy and you grew up poor, when you got a new pair of sneakers, that was like a really exciting thing.

exciting thing. So it could be that by not wearing the sneakers until he goes on stage, like he makes him feel like with new sneakers on, like it gives him a little extra power. And it sounds ridiculous, but I remember when I was a kid, getting a new pair of sneakers was like a big deal. So maybe for him, he like kept that tradition. And it's easier for him if they buy it. Why don't you buy it?

Because I want to change them right before I go on stage. I asked you before I came on the show not to be insightful and intelligent, not to have any compassion for people. And there you go. You're right. That's a good point. I try to have as much compassion for people as possible. I never thought of that.

Even people that interrupt our pool game, Dom Herrera. Even people that interrupt. I can't believe I'm fucking racking. When we get fucking serious here, Dom Herrera and I, when we play, we occasionally will joke around, but Dom plays very good pool, and I play pretty good pool, and we have some fun battles. It's really fun to get excited about it.

Joe, first of all, you play more than pretty good, not to get the same emotion. It's a known fact. Joe is like right below a pro. Consistent B player. No, you're a consistent like... For a regular person, I'm an A player, but for a regular pool player, I'm consistent B player. No, you're a consistent like... For a regular person, I'm an A player.

But for a regular pool player, I'm a B player. I just don't have enough time. No, you're more than an A player for a regular person. No, no, no. Joe, I never fucking played anybody that ran out nine ball like you. It's done. Yeah, but not regular people. I'm telling you.

I played a lot of pool in my life. I am... I beat... You know what? It's so funny. When I'm not playing against you because I get a chance to shoot more, I play better. Oh, yeah, yeah. But you sit the guy down.

Tighten up. Yeah. And then you want to get back on the table. I can run some packages, but I can't run packages like my friends can. So I have the luxury of knowing Max Eberle, who's one of the best pool players in the world. You know Max very well. Me and Max, we spar every time I go to Vegas.

Pool spar. He just fucking keeps me in the chair. The guy just runs out from everywhere. He's a monster. Max Eberle is like world class. He won the straight pool championships at the Derby City Classic this year. What did he run? It's one of the prestigious pool tournaments in the world.

I don't know what he ran. He regularly runs 100 balls. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah, he's a world-class pro. He's a world-class pro. The position that you get. And a sweetheart of a guy. He's a sweetheart, Max Everett.

Yeah, yeah. What a nice guy. I miss that place. He's a fun guy to be around. We used to have... Oh, yeah. I miss it, too. What was that?

Hollywood Billiards. Hollywood Billiards. Yeah. What was the one before that that we used to go to by the gym? By the gym? Right off of Hollywood Boulevard across from the Cat and Fiddle. Remember? Isn't that Hollywood Billions?

Well, then we went to another place on Hollywood Boulevard. What was that called? Remember? We went to two places for years. Two places. The second one. Oh, I know what you're talking about. The Boston Athletic Club.

Yeah, that's the first place we went to. Yeah, that place was great. That was great. That was a former athletic club. Yeah. They converted it into this giant pool hall. Yeah, because they had the track upstairs. I used to play in a Saturday tournament there.

When I first moved to L.A., they had a Saturday morning tournament. It started at like 11 a.m. I made good friends there. That Saturday morning pool tournament. That was when I first moved here. That was a great place remember they had the like the track along the top of it yeah i remember we doubled one night we took the girls to be with sophie and she's her name jerry yeah i only remember her because

she was hot and that's sad oh that's well you know it's not sad but i mean that's all i remember yeah pool is a great thing on a date, except if a chick beats you. If a chick beats you, it's very depressing. If a chick beats you at pool. But there's a thing about a girl beating you at pool that's demoralizing for some dudes. It's funny to watch. I had a friend who said, will you shoot my girlfriend? Because she was practicing a lot.

And she said to me i'm gonna kick your ass oh my goodness right so first of all how rude she uh she broke and i ran the table ran the table yeah it was fucking easy it was those pockets like this oh yeah right right it's not like what we play when the ball just about fits in it. And I ran to the table and I go, eh, so much for kicking my ass. She goes, you want to play again? I go, no.

Ooh. I don't want to fucking play. Shut it down. You're saying it's over. Yeah. You don't like that kind of attitude from women. I don't like that kind of attitude from anybody. I don't like braggers and I'm going to kick your ass.

But that said, a woman that can kick your ass in pool, she doesn't have to be rude about it. Just a woman who can kick your ass in pool is humiliating for men. A nice woman who's very polite, who kicks your ass, like that Alison Fisher woman, you know who she is? Of course. She'd kick my ass, for sure. Easy.

She'd kick my ass. Trust me. She's way better than me. Who's the big blonde? She was like a snooker champion, and she came over from Europe and just dominated women's pool. In fact, here's the real problem with pool's popularity. This woman, Allison Fisher, is probably the most dominant sports person ever in any sport, in any game, in women's billiards. I love watching her shoot.

And it's not like there's only a few women playing women's billiards. There's a lot of really good players. There's like – everybody knows Jeanette Lee. Dragon. Because she's beautiful, beautiful Asian woman. But there's like a whole gang of like top pros that would tour around the country. And this woman consistently beat all of them. Yeah.

On a regular basis. She was like player of the year, like who knows how many fucking years in a row. She won the U.S. Open. Who knows how many years in a row. Or what was the U.S. Open knows how many years in a row like or what not one of us the u.s open whatever their wpba right whatever their version of like their national championship she would win every year i don't even understand why are men better than women why the doesn't make much sense doesn't make any sense it's just a coordination thing it does it is and it isn't

um i mean it can be overcome like women like allison fisher she could beat a man playing pool but she wouldn't beat the top pros most likely not and there's a few issues with spatial uh intelligence there's something um to uh and this is like really theoretical stuff i think something to the way the male mind interprets 3d space that it is uh it's beneficial for things. And pool might be one of them because after the break, pool doesn't really rely on strength. No. And the average woman could easily stroke a ball about as hard as you need to. You really don't ever need to hit it really hard outside of the break.

The break shot, especially in rotation games or eight ball, it becomes a big issue because if a guy can really smash the rack, he can make, like sometimes you break and you make like four balls on the break. There's like that guy Shane Van Boning who's a fascinating character because he's the best pool player in America and one of the best players in the world. Really? Yeah, and he's deaf. And when he plays, he shuts his hearing aid off.

And he's not good because of that, but it is an added element. It's good because he's deaf and when he plays he shuts his hearing aid off and he's not good because of that But it is an added element. It's good because he's good. He's he practices relentlessly the guys like super dedicated He's good because that but he's also got this added element. We can shut that Thing off and he don't hear anything. He doesn't hear anything. So when he's in pro tournaments, he goes it's not fair zone It's kind of weird. Yeah, he's in pro tournaments, he goes into this weird zone. It's kind of weird. It's really fascinating because it's a form of sensory deprivation. And people have actually decided that it helps him so much that people started wearing

earmuffs and shit. Really? This is this guy, Earl Strickland. I know Earl Strickland. He's an amazing, amazing player. He puts these things that the air traffic controllers wear, these giant head things over his head, and he plays pool with those on.

It's fucking gigantic. To even it off with the other guy. Yeah, so he puts earplugs. Poor guy's missing one of his senses. Yeah, but he tries to recreate it. He puts earplugs in too. So he puts earplugs in, and then he puts these gigantic fucking earmuffs over the earplugs,

and then he plays like a man possessed. Both of those guys, they play scary. At that level, pool is madness. Have you ever heard of Willie Moscone? Oh, of course I've heard of him, I'm sure. Because he was the guy that was the big deal in Philly. High run is straight pool, all-time high run. Really?

He's like 580 balls. Oh, my God. Yeah. But it's very controversial because he ran it on a 4x8. It wasn't a 4.5x9. Is that true? That's how much of a dork I am. Is that true?

Yeah. Yeah. Luther Lassiter was a guy who, I don't know if you ever heard that name. Yes, of course. Yeah. He was a big straight ball player. Yeah, man. If there was money in pool when I was a kid, I would have become a professional pool player

because I was enjoying it. There's Eero Stricken with the earmuffs on because there was money in pool when I was a kid, I would have become a professional pool player. Because I was enjoying it. There's Eero Stricken with the earmuffs on. Because I was enjoying playing pool as much as I was enjoying doing comedy. But I wasn't good enough to go professional. We talked about this. You would never have the time because you have too much of a career. Believe me, if you were on a lull as a comedian, you could turn pro. If you could play four hours a day

it's so much time and so much effort and the guys that are they're playing that are at the like the highest level of the game there's several notches better than me it wouldn't be like an easy thing to even like do battle with those guys it would take a long time it seems like you'd win some nine ball games though thank you very much son Tom. That's what I'm saying. No, you would win. I mean, straight pull, a guy can sit you. There's nothing you can do. Yeah. It's just too bad that that game doesn't get, like, to me, it's like a form of meditation.

It's like if I can get into the zone and I can block everything else out and I can move the ball exactly where I want it to go and I know where it's going, I know how to hit it, I know what speed to hit it, and it gets to the right spot. There's a beautiful feeling to that. It's like you're enforcing this weird zen state, enforcing this state where you know exactly how many rotations a ball is going to go. For people who don't play pool, they're like, should we shut the fuck up about pool already, Joe Rogan? Jesus Christ, I didn't fucking tune in for a fucking pool podcast And you queers don't even talk about MMA

Okay John Jones broke his foot You didn't say a word about it on your podcast Well I had to show you my shaky hand When you Yeah that's crazy Yeah I got this

Is that a nerve issue Yeah What did you hurt? You hurt your shoulder? It wasn't as bad. No, I never hurt anything. It's something in the nerve. The chiropractor told me, he said, you know, if it doesn't bother you.

He said, it bothers my friends more than me. Do you stretch out at all and do anything? Yeah. You know, I dance in my house. I do. I do interpret modern jazz. Do you do any athletics at all? A little stair climber, elliptical machine?

I don't like where you're going. I got to tell you. I'm just saying, stretching is very good for the pliability of the limbs. Do you want a piece of this? It might help your nerves. Do you want a piece of this right now? Nay, I do not. Come on over here.

Let me see that. I do the treadmill. Ah. I do. It's a shame when you can't tell if somebody ever worked out that's pathetic do you do anything physically that's not what i mean i was trying to find out what it was and whether or not you incorporated stretches especially stretches to your shoulders especially stretch on the road uh after flights and all that. That's good. Yeah. I do the yoga things, whatever I learn from the videos.

That's my favorite thing to do before I go on stage. My favorite thing to do, I do yoga. Yeah. That's my favorite thing to do. I've tried a bunch of different things that feel good before I go on stage. Hard cardio is one of them. Hard cardio makes me high. Like when I really do like really hard cardio. You do that before you go on stage hard cardio is one of them hard cardio makes me high like when i really do like really hard cardio you do that before you go on stage yeah about a two hours i like to do like

two hours before especially before like it was a big show yeah if i'm gonna be thinking about it i don't want it does give you energy yeah well it doesn't do it just releases some weird endorphin with me or like if i do like a real hard cardio session where i just feel silly i just it makes me sillier it relieves me it relieves me of like physical tension it just makes me sillier and i think when i whenever i can go on stage and be in more of a silly mood and the sillier i can feel the more funny i think things are which is the more funny when you get a kick out of it yeah the more funny i deliver it yeah When you get a kick out of it, yeah. I am. The more funny I deliver it. Yeah, when you get a kick out of it.

And when you're saying it in a way that connects with people. Sometimes if you're too upset about something and they don't understand why, it connects with people. It has to be an honest balance for why you're pissed off or why you're happy. It's got to be an honest balance for why you're pissed off or why you're happy. You know, like, there's got to be an honest balance. And sometimes, you know that weird feeling when you watch someone on stage and they're acting pissed off about something, but you know they're not really pissed off about it and how gross that is? Yeah.

Airplane food. What's not even that? Like, someone, like, they just fake it. Like, whatever it is. What I hate is a fake laugh always at the same time yeah you know yeah and i can name you five people that do it i don't even want to get into that you know when someone's mad for real and you know why they're mad for real like you feel it you know when someone's mad for real you know when they really are upset you know and you know when

someone's faking it and when they're faking it it's you know when someone's faking it and when they're faking it it's really weird yeah it's so awkward it's too much of an act yeah and i know a lot of us especially when you're doing it on stage it's like you just you know you know if you don't realize that yet or you know maybe you're just out of sorts that night yeah could be you're out of sorts that night and you just you have a bad bad set. You're not in the right groove. I mean, we've all had those over the years. I love watching Joey Diaz because of that. Because Joey is so fucking real.

Yeah. There's not a phony bone in his body. You know, he's just like so pure in that sense. Oh yeah. He's not trying to win anybody over. No. He's just trying to be funny to the people who love Joey Diaz. I think he just realized somewhere along the line that he's really good.

He realized that. He really is, yeah. Yeah. But he realized that himself, and he didn't give a fuck anymore. And when he didn't give a fuck anymore, it's like that's when people really wanted to hear more. anymore it's like that's when people like really wanted to hear more and so all the people around him like if he had anyone around him that didn't believe in him at this point they're all really have fallen by the wayside you know it took it a long road for Joey to like get recognized as how funny he really is and

along the way a lot of people had a chance to work with that guy and they didn't believe in him yeah I was telling people about joey diaz in like 1998 i was like you're fucking crazy i'm like this guy makes me laugh hard all the time he makes me laugh hard i go he doesn't give a fuck and he makes me laugh hard and they're like he's too this and he's too bad and this doesn't work and that doesn't work and if you can't be in a sitcom you know yeah yeah my agent called me up and he said, do you like Joey Diaz? I go, I love him. He goes, you want to work with him? I go, anything.

We're doing The Ice House at the end of July. That's awesome. Yeah, it'd be fun. That's a beautiful show. I might come and watch. You know what? What day is that?

I think it's 27, 28 if I remember in my weird mind that I can remember shit. I don't remember why I walked into a room. I'm like a savant. What days are those? Friday, Saturday.

Okay, it's not the 27th or the 28th. See, I was wrong. My savantness didn't kick in. It could be the 24th and the 25th. Does that make sense? It could be that. What's the last weekend of July? The last weekend is that, and then there's the 31st and the 1st. No, that would be it.

The 31st and the 1st. No, the one before that. The one before it. Damn, I'm not even going to be around. I'm going to be in Vegas. I want to see that. What do you got coming up? Let's see UFC. What do you got coming up, Joe? I'm doing Atlanta this week, the improv, and then Hilarities

in Cleveland. You ever do Hilarities? No, I have not. I'm looking forward to the improv. I don't think I did. Maybe I did. What other clubs are in Cleveland? Is there an improv in Cleveland? Yeah, there's an improv in Cleveland. I think I did that. H what other clubs are in Cleveland is there an improv in Cleveland yeah there's an improv in Cleveland I think I did that Hilarity's is one

of the nicest clubs I've ever seen looks like a giant cruise ship it's got everything it's got a fucking martini bar dancing girls

a sports bar theater I did one of the clubs in Cleveland I think it was the improv I did it with

Heffron and Charlie Murphy it's right next to a strip club? I don't remember that. I'd go by. There were like markings. My life. We didn't have much time when we did this tour.

I did this Maxim comedy tour way back in the day with Hefron and Charlie Murphy. It was really fun. John was feisty. He liked to fight. Did he? Hefron? I don't know. He never seemed like that with me.

We were always very friendly. No, no. Not with me. With people yeah no no i i got along with him great he's a great guy yeah but i mean we were out a couple times i think he stopped drinking but he wanted to fucking fight as joe john what are you crazy oh yeah it was probably the booze the demon in a bottle yeah but we uh we did that place. And we did a different place almost every night. It was really crazy. We were out for 20, I think it was 22 gigs.

After that exposure he got on that. Yes, after he won. Heffron won last comic standing. And Charlie Murphy had just done the Chappelle show. Nice guy, Charlie Murphy. Fucking sweetheart of a guy. And as real as they come. And a great storyteller, man.

Charlie Murphy will kill you in the green room. He'll tell you some stories in the green room and just kill you. He's a natural storyteller. That's a fun thing. You get to bring people with you and stuff. That's cool. Well, that wasn't my idea.

It was something that Maxim and Bud Light put together. We all just did it together and became friends once we did i was just i didn't know either one of those guys before we did the tour so so lucky that they're both cool as fuck because halfron is cool as fuck and so is charlie murphy and that's how we met tom segura too we were at the um the the celebrity theater in phoenix and uh Segura was the opening act a load like they would do Maxim would hire like a local act like you know local pro and they would do like 10 minutes or so before the the show would start with Heffron and then he would either be me or Charlie Murphy and most of the guys

were good they were all good but one like one guy was a dick one crazy guy in boston was a douchebag he was crazy drunk i don't know his name man he's like angry and drunk yes i do okay when you said crazy in boston but they they all were pretty good but but segura just really stood out no kidding oh yeah yeah he went out there i mean the celebrity theater was a weird place too because it was in the round those those shows are odd if you've never done that before and uh yeah i've done it he went out there and just i did it with lenny clock laid it he did yeah lenny clock lenny clock and i now he was a tough fuck lenny clock he's fucking huge he's a big fella not

anymore well i mean i mean he's big like he's a big man but not anymore. Well, I mean, he's a big man. But not anymore. No, well, now he's thin. You mean he's in shape. But he wasn't always fat, but he was big. No, he was big. Unless you know he would fight. Oh, yeah. And he might have a little bit of the yayo in his system, too, before he slugged you.

Those guys were animals. Those guys, like, those guys, Gavin and nox and no more than Knox was a little bit later Kenny Rogers in those guys were savages they don't get nearly the credit they deserve there should have been a time capsule that really captured that moment in comedy didn't somebody do a movie about them yeah yeah Franz Halimeda yeah it's was pretty good. It was when stand-ups sit out. Very good, actually. I mean, for me, I don't want to...

Because it was so close to home, I guess it was much more impactful. I don't want to oversell it, but I thought it was really fascinating. If you're a fan of comedy, I think it's brilliant. I'll just never forget how they didn't bury me in Boston. They tried. No, no, they didn't. They really, like, you could tell

we had an instant relationship and Don Gavin gave me a great intro and nobody tried the... Well, they didn't want to, if that's what you mean. Like, they didn't think you were a dick.

They all loved you. Yeah, they were good to me. They would think some guys were dicks, though. Yeah. And they would green light them. Oh, yeah. You couldn't,

because that was like a freight train of comedy. You couldn't fuck with that. They green lit Billy Crystal. They did that them. Oh, yeah. Because that was like a freight train of comedy. You couldn't fuck with that. They green lit Billy Crystal. They did that to Richard Lewis, too. Richard Lewis hid behind the stage until the audience left. There was these guys, man, and he was one of them, that for whatever reason, they generated. Well, a little bit of Billy Crystal, but more Richard Lewis.

These guys generated a lot of hate at certain comedians. Certain comedians were like, this guy just ain't fucking funny. He's not fucking funny. I heard club owners say that. I was like, why? Obviously, some people like him. He obviously has an audience, right? Well, yeah.

You got to like... But it's from his movies more than his stand-up. I don't know about that with Richard Lewis. Oh, Richard Lewis. No, no. I thought you were talking about Billy Crystal. No, no, no. Yeah, Richard Lewis, definitely his stand-up.

Yeah, but for whatever reason, there's certain people that would love to hate that guy or disrespect his comedy. It's like everybody's got different tastes and that's so hard for like some people who are fans of stand-up comedy to realize that's why there's no best stand-up well not always they know best stand-up you're crazy to look for it like don't even look for it it's just just just enjoy what you enjoy because it's subjective it's not objective like if there's a there's a best hundredyard dash guy because the fastest guy wins. You can't argue. I think the third guy was faster.

And there's some guys that all they – I mean they want to see Gaffigan say anything Gaffigan says. There's some guys and gals that Gaffigan just fucking – for whatever it is, he hits their frequency. And for other folks, it's a tell. And whatever it is, it is. And you can't get upset that some guys like a tell you know and whatever it is it is and you can't get upset that that's some guys like a tell like wow i don't even see it i don't see it relax don't concentrate on that i know you know you just relax don't get angry people love telling me that dane cook's not funny i was like okay relax yeah it's like you you don't have to think he's funny apparently he made millions of dollars because somebody thought he was funny

So people get too much pleasure and other people sucking. Yeah, that is a problem That's a weird thing with people. They get this weird pleasure out of other people sucking I don't know what it is. It's interesting though. It's a it's a weird little side effect a little hater side effect It's jealousy. It's a combination of a lot of things. But it's so bad for the person who thinks it. That's what they don't understand. It's just a massive distraction. It just takes away so much energy from your own life because instead of concentrating on this other person, you should be concentrating on your own shit.

And if something bothers you, you should find find a way if at all possible and that's of course it's some egregious offense or crime or some some sort of sin against man and nature find some way to turn it into a motivating factor for you if you feel weak because you see some guy like you know i don't know name your fucking mogul bill gates on tv and he's got a billion dollars in his underwear. And you feel like, God, I can't even fucking pay my student loans. Figure out what the fuck you need to do so that you become so successful that you don't worry about Bill Gates anymore. You don't have to be as successful as Bill Gates.

But become enough of a person who figures your way through the net of civilization to the point where you don't have to worry. Everybody has their own gradient. For some people, it might be just making a living is good enough. For some people, it has nothing to do with how much money they make. It has to do with getting their fucking mind right. Either going to a shrink or doing

some yoga or going on a mushroom trip. Figure out whatever the fuck you need to do to get your mind right. Because it doesn't matter how much money you make. It doesn't matter anything that else is going on in your life. If you don't have your mind right, if you're not thinking about life clearly, you're going to make some shitty, stupid decisions.

You're going to be annoying to almost everybody around you. You're going to fuck things up left and right. Get it together, bitch. Hey, are you talking to me? No, not you. Don't know where you are. You know I would never. Are you, so you're going to find Sasquatch?

I'm going to find Sasquatch. Can we talk about that? Yes, we are. We can. Can't talk too much because it is top secret, Don Marrera. But for my new sci-fi show, very soon, in the near future, I'm going to go searching for Sasquatch, a very peculiar and particular location that has been known for a high volume of Sasquatch sightings. Is there a particular forest that he frequents?

Perhaps. Is there more than one? I can't say. Is there more than one? I've said too much already, but we will be camping. And we will be getting our freak on in the woods. I don't think I'd want to go camping, Joe. Yeah, maybe not.

I'll tell you when I get back whether or not it was worth it. Didn't you go somewhere with Callan? Yeah, we went hunting in Montana. Notice I said hunting with no G. That's because I'm a hunter. I say it so often. It just flows off the tongue. You live by your family.

I make my own arrows. Oh, that was – did you ever see that Bo Jackson thing? What Bo Jackson thing? That he makes his own arrows. Oh, does he really? Yeah, he's fucking crazy. Oh, he's like a madman hunter and fisherman, right? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's a real outdoorsman. He's a calibrator and he's sitting there. So that's his favorite thing in the world. Well, it's very fun. You know, the people don't want to hear that because they don't want you going out there killing animals. They'd think, oh, wow, you can't say it's fun. You say that, you call that fun, man. Well, it's rewarding and beautiful and it connects you to nature and it's very humbling.

And it's also, you know, it's a really intense thing, like making your own, getting your own food. You know, going out and hunting your own food is very intense i don't i don't think everybody should have to do it but for me it was uh it was pretty intense i like five-star restaurants i like being upgraded me too these all these things are good as well yeah i just i'm too lazy to i don't want to like pick up a tent i feel you I feel you. I feel you, bro. I'm not into it all the time.

I respect that you like it. No, I don't like it. No, you just do it. You just, I just, because I don't like it doesn't mean I'm not going to do it. But you went hunting with Brian. You must have liked that. Yeah, it was cold as fuck. We were camping out in the middle of the snow in Montana or in the middle of freezing weather. It didn't snow.

It did rain one day though. That's worse than snow. Yeah did rain one day, though. That's worse. Yeah. You know, it's miserable. But I wanted to experience it. You know, I thought it would be, I think we're so far removed from being in the wilderness that to have an opportunity, especially with, like, expert outdoorsmen to go out into the wilderness for five days, I'm like, I'm going.

You know, this is going to be wildness. Ari Shafir and I are going salmon fishing. We're headed up to the great white north of Alaska. We're trying to get a date in Anchorage to go salmon fishing. Sure you could get a date in Anchorage. Yeah. We're going to go, hopefully, go catch some fucking salmon, Dom Herrera. Pull those giant monsters.

Crazy fucking fish. Powerful, muscular fish. Show them how quick you are. You know how hard it must have been to eat fish back before people figured out rods and reels and spears? Fucking hard to get a fish meal. What are you going to do? Are you going to grab it with your hands, stupid?

Well, the idea of them swimming upstream, there were so many of them, you could bat them out of the air so ridiculous that that was like the choice for survival that they would go all the way upstream back to the river or back up the mouth of the river not the brightest fish well it's nuts that they live in fresh water and and they also live in salt water what a crazy animal brackish yeah wild wolf. Yeah. Wild fucking animal. Is that a real thing that's been going around, this thing with human-like teeth? It's called a sheep shed. Sheep? Sheep shed.

Fish? Sheep shed fish. Yeah. It's all over the internet. Yeah, fish are weird, man. They're out there breathing water and shit, swimming around. I watched a show today about a paddlefish. You know what a paddlefish is?

No. It doesn't have any bones. Some weird prehistoric fish that lives in, I think it was the Ozarks or something like that. I forget what they were saying. Wow. You can't even catch them with, like, bait. The way you catch them is by having a line with a bunch of hooks on it. And you just drop it down and keep pulling it up.

Keep pulling it up, trying to snag something. And that's it if you snag it. And if you snag it, then you just pull it up to the surface. But you never, like, legitimately catch one ever. You just got to snag one. I never heard of that. It's the only way to catch them. Yeah, they're enormous.

And they have no bones. They're so weird. They're some sort of weird prehistoric fish. And the way they gut them, it's so strange. They make an incision and then they pull out the spinal cord. They eat them? Yeah, they eat everything. And the roe of these animals is apparently very much like sturgeon roe, which is what caviar is, which is worth a lot of money.

row which is what caviar is which is worth a lot of money and so in order to make sure that they didn't allow a market for this stuff to develop even though it's legal to kill the animal and legal to eat the animal it's only legal to possess its row on the dock you can only either have it on your boat or on the dock so you got to either to either eat that roe or throw it out. Why? Because you can't take it with you because you can develop a market for it. You can't develop a market for it because then the animal's roe would be worth too much. And they would worry that even though you have a certain number that you can kill in a day and eat, like they say it tastes good. They say it tastes like pork.

That's what they're saying when they grilled it. They said – because like a lot of people have an aversion to eating it because it's strange. Like it's almost like they have like prejudices against it because it doesn't have any bones and it looks like it's a fucking billion years old. It looks like a crazy dinosaur fish. It's amazing they keep discovering new species and new fish. Have you ever heard of a snakehead fish? Yeah, those are a real problem. They have snakehead fishes in Fish's.

Snakehead fish have been spotted in Central Park. Yeah, thanks for finishing my sentence. Yeah, they've invaded in Central Park. How the fuck did they get there? Somebody had to bring them. Yeah, that's what's going on in Florida, right? They can live outside of water for a couple days, which is the scary part. Yeah, they walk, dude.

They walk. How you doing? How you doing? Did you ever see that uh special about the congo where i think that's where they live i think where they live is in the congo um it's the native to asia and russia is what this says is that what it is what this article says well they're probably right i mean i'm sure i'm wrong but there's a fish like it it might not be the snakehead but this is there's a video Let me see if I can pull it up on YouTube.

It's BBC Congo, and I've talked about it before. It's really a damn shame that this video isn't like one of those Mother Earth or Planet Earth DVD setups. They're super easy to get. Everybody knows about them, right? It's like if you want to see some cool shit on nature, the Planet Earth series is amazing. Well, the BBC one, the Congo one, really should be just as fascinating to people. It's really sad that for whatever reason that video is hard to get a hold of. But in one of the scenes, there's this weird fish, probably similar to Snakehead, gets out of water and starts walking. And you're like, I can't even believe this.

It just walks over to another puddle and then jumps in. You're like, I can't believe what I'm seeing. Like, this is a dinosaur. This fucking thing just did some dinosaur shit. Wow. I mean, we're literally seeing life evolve. I mean, that's like the beginning of that right the ability to come out of that water yeah and walk on the ground to

better water holy shit what a freaky fucking snake fish thing whatever it is they call it snake fish i don't know i wonder what it's called in the congo snake snakehead fish um the Congo is apparently like one of the densest densest rainforests in the world yeah I don't know what the fuck that that fish is called I guess it's not a snakehead it's something else but if you get a chance to get a hold of that documentary I think it's just called bbc congo

let me google it real quick i think that's what it was called there's something coming up for mystery fish of the congo but the video won't play well there was also those ones that uh you ever watch that uh show um river monsters yeah that guy's badass like he's a fishing motherfucker that guy went out in a wooden canoe. I used to think nothing of that show. I'd say, oh, it's the guy fishing. What's the big deal? No.

This guy fishes how the locals fish. He got in this wooden boat, okay, with like 100 hooks in it. And they were in this like tippity-toppity boat. And they're dropping these lines in for giant catfish. So at any point in time, something could fucking grab one of those lines and pull those fishing lines. And who knows how many hooks are flying in that guy's direction. And actually people have died from that. Like one of the people in this tribe died from that.

He got caught in a hook and dragged underwater. Like that guy is legit. And this is the other thing that he said while he was there they're um one of the people one of the main people in their tribe the chief disappeared he was gone for a whole day and they were seriously worried and because they believe in bad spirits and bad omens they believe that he had caused the chief to disappear. And if the chief didn't come back, they were planning on killing him. They were going to stone him to death. And thankfully the chief came back and everybody was elated because like, but he was like, you don't understand how close I came to dying.

Like they, they would have tried to kill him because they felt like he was a bad omen. And he created, even if he didn't actively do anything to the chief, he created the bad luck that made the chief disappear. Here's your fucking canoe. You motherfuckers. Remember that joke? What's that from? It was a stupid joke. Remember?

A guy is captured by these savages and they're going to eat him. Right. And he said, I'm going to butcher the joke, but I just love the punchline. And he goes, what are you going to do with your skin? They go, we're going to make a canoe out of it. And he grabs a knife. He goes, here's your fucking canoe. He just punched holes in himself.

Oh, God. That's harsh. It's a joke. That's a tough joke. That's a tough joke. I come from a tough neighborhood, Joe. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It's a known fact that 90% of all queers come from your town.

He's got me there. There's no retort to that. The best one is, only two types of things that come from Oklahoma, steers and queers. Somebody was the first guy to say that. I believe it's not queers anymore. Guys that still live there.

Yeah. Still live there. He ain't nothing but a man's car. Well, you can't call him faggot no more without starting a revolution. Queer seems to roll off the tongue a tad easier. You sound like the mean Larry the Cable Guy. The mean Larry the Cable Guy.

Larry Dice Cable guy. The mean Larry the Cable guy. Larry Dice Cable guy. I'll tell you what. Mexicans can go ahead and suck my dick real quick. Here's how bad my taste is. There's how bad a manager or agent I would be. Dan Whitney's his name, right? Larry the Cable. Great guy.

Great fucking guy. Yeah, he's a great guy. I've met homeboy. I was trying to talk him out of the Larry the Cable Guy thing. Oh, no, you weren't. I was basically trying to talk him out of a life of a billion dollars. Oh, my goodness. I said, Dan, I love you, and this character's strong, but, you know, I like your old character better.

I don't know, Don. It's doing pretty well. Boy, were you fucking wrong. Oh, pretty well. Boy, were you fucking wrong. Oh, I know. Boy, were you fucking wrong. All right, all right. I have to say it twice for effect. Jesus, Dom Herrera.

Bad advice, Dom Herrera. Now you're coming down on me, Joe. You're throwing me to the wolves. Has a guy ever become really good that you didn't see coming? Where you saw him in the beginning and you're like, oh, this guy's fucked. coming we saw in the beginning and you're like oh this guy's fucked because we we you know i'll tell you who became really good that was that i i was more surprised because he was so shy and brian reagan oh brian reagan's very funny yeah but see brian i knew him since the beginning he was a like 19 year old kid 20 year old that was an mc and he was just like gracious and deferring and not silly at

all he was like a stay was like a classic like tonight show stand-up right but none of that you know the hill you know he's like all over the place the character you know he's fucking brilliantly funny he just knows how to be funny it's his style too he's like his style of being funny and so he's got his own thing b yeah. Uniquely Brian Regan. Yeah, he's like one of the, just like a few guys, like maybe three or four guys that are squeaky clean, but that everybody agrees are awesome. It used to be Hedberg before Hedberg died.

Everybody loved Hedberg, but what people forget is that Hedberg was squeaky clean. Really, really brilliant. He was brilliant. He was really an all-time great for me he's one of the few guys that else to this day um like listen to his old stuff just to laugh yeah i know if i'm at the airport or something like that i still love he was on remember full frontal comedy yeah yeah yeah yeah and uh hedberg was on i remember one line he said, no matter how much I practice tennis, I'll never be as good as the wall. Yeah.

The wall is relentless. He took an old expression and made it a really funny bit. Playing tennis ball against the wall. Yeah. Like this fucking guy. He's playing tennis ball against the wall. You're never going to win. He told me.

He turned it into one of the funniest bits ever. Fucking brilliant. I was just in his home. One of his towns, Austin, a couple weeks ago. He's from Minneapolis, isn't he? He did a lot of comedy in Texas. I met him in Houston. But they really are big fans of his down there.

Yeah, he was awesome, man. He was beautiful. That guy was really fucking funny. Great stand-up. He was really fucking funny. One time he offered me coke at a party in Montreal. And he's such a nice kid, you know. I go, I said, Mitch, I don't do coke.

He goes, I'm sorry. I go, sorry? You're fucking generous. That's basically like offering me a $200 sweater. You know, it's nice of you. It's generous. It's just that offering me a $200 sweater. You know, it's nice of you. It's just that I don't happen to do it. I'm not judging it. He came up to me in Rochester, New York.

We met for, and he was so proud that he was only drinking beer. You know, he wasn't doing drugs. I said, so basically you're bragging to me about only being an alcoholic. He goes, yeah, kind of. There's such a giant difference between those drugs and all the other ones, the opiates and all the other ones. I saw a commercial the other day for some sort of clinic for opiate addiction, just talking about how easy it is to get hooked and all the different people that are hooked and don't want to admit they're hooked.

It was just showing you the examples of, yeah, I would like to do it. No, I would. I'm serious. I would love to do heroin if there was, you know, I mean,

if there was, it wasn't so dangerous, but I'd love the feeling because I don't want fucking, I don't want to be high. Like I don't want to be like methed out or anything speedy cocaine. Yeah. That's scary. You already know.

I don't even drink too much coffee. But fucking mellows, I like. I like to be nodding off. Throwing up. With a sense of music. All of a sudden, I think I can worry myself. Yeah, you just get to the root of things. Wouldn't you like to try heroin, though?

Wouldn't you like to know what the feeling's like? I don't trust myself. I don't trust that I wouldn't like it. is like i don't trust myself i don't trust that i wouldn't like it yeah i don't trust i don't trust anything this is my rule and i don't tell anybody what to do ever but that's not true why am i lying you sound stupid i'll tell you don't do it um i don't fuck with anything that's addictive i don't fuck with anything that can get you you know i don't fuck with anything that's addictive. I don't fuck with anything that can get you. I don't even like coffee because coffee can get you. You're not addicted to pot? No.

I take weeks off a pot all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all the time. That's fucked up. The only time I absolutely smoke pot, it used to be before jiu-jitsu, but it's before isolation tank. I almost always do it before that or before writing. A lot of times I do it before writing. It helps you? Yeah.

I like to – it gets me in a nice groove. It helps me release my current grasp on reality. I just think when you get an opportunity to look at things from – like coffee doesn't do that. Coffee sort of inspires movement inspires like me to act to me to have energy to start things off but for me the the best inspiration is like a mental inspiration like an inspiration where i could step away from it all and see it from a different perspective so that's what a lot of times what getting high does for me allows me to just like move over to the next window you know i've been looking at things

through the window of sober sustained reality let's move over and the next window. I've been looking at things through the window of sober, sustained reality. Let's move over and look at things from the, oh, look at over here. But if you're kind of high and you relax a little bit, you realize this is kind of funny, really. And then you start poking holes at things. I don't get funnier at all with alcohol. That's the only thing I ever do. But one martini will get me funny.

Yeah? Two martinis, not funny. Not so funny. It's really a big difference. I mean, it's really a big, it just slows me down enough where I don't feel that fucking, you know. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And one I can do.

One is, yeah, like a little bit of a buzz. Like a tiny little bit of a buzz is kind of nice. Because I don't get nervous. Do you get nervous at all? No. The only time I get anxious at all is if someone I know is going to be there like me. But that makes me usually perform better. Yeah.

I'll be a little bit sharper. I'll be a little bit more alert. Which is everything, right? Comedy clubs, I don't get nervous. I mean, theater sometimes 2,000 people is a lot for me it's weird it's a different sort of experience yeah i did a trap in atlantic city and it's the only 2 000 seater that i do that that has so much of a meaning for me i've done them in canada but like my family's there my friends are there it's my home Right. And that's a little fucking,

that's where I get a little bit, you know. Yeah. I feel it in my stomach. It's a lot of fucking human beings standing in front of 2,000 fucking human beings. It's a lot of material too.

An hour and 10. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun though. There's no better gig on the planet. It's so fun.

I've done so many different things but there's nothing like the comedy. Nothing like the stand up.'ve done so many different things, but there's nothing like the comedy, nothing like the stand-up, nothing like the stand-up either as an audience member. I like a lot of things.

Obviously, I like different sports, and I like MMA, and I like going to movies, but I like going to see a really great stand-up. I love that. It's so fun. You can laugh and separate yourself from it.

Yeah. And do you get excited still? When I see someone who's really good, I want to go right. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh, yeah, 100%. I was at the Laugh Factory the other night, and it's funny because it was the comedy store first, and I didn't feel like I canceled Friday.

I never canceled. I was just beat. And Bill Burr said something that I had been thinking. He goes, I just don't have anything to say tonight. I don't feel funny. I don't feel it going on. I thought, thank God. You know, it's not.

Here's Bill saying it. You know, somebody I respect so much. And I was fine at the comedy store. But by the time I got to the Laugh Factory, I was juiced. Right. I was ready to go. Yeah. And I loved it because I'm seeing all these college students laughing at me.

And, you know, it's a very young crowd. And there was four 20-year-old girls right in the front. And I go, when would I ever get a chance to talk to you? I said, I'm like three feet away from you, four 20-year-olds. And you have to listen. I came up to you at a bar. Get lost, pops, you know, before I report you to the manager. It's funny.

Yeah, it's fun, man. Yeah. I'm still driven by that, that ego with showing off in front of pretty girls. Is really that, how much of a factor is that? It's a factor. I mean, I get a kick out of it. I get a kick out of making them laugh and you know i mean yeah you know also like tough guys something if i can crack like a guy who looks like a gang member you know i see him at the fucking just got the whole gang member

dodger jacket so just like little challenges yeah yeah yeah yeah that's part of the fun of it for sure i just think it's amazing when you can translate to other groups. I mean, let's face it. If I was fucking stuck with Goombas my age, I'd be dead in the water. You have to translate. You have to go across generations. My favorite is old ladies that laugh at me. Isn't that great?

That's my favorite. When you see them fucking crying. Yeah. Like if you see a girl, sometimes a college kid will come over to her grandmother. You see them both laughing at a jizz joke. You know, the first time in her life that, you know. So you'd be amazed. I mean, especially because the old ladies today, they're like, you know, they were around in the 70s and the 80s, you know, and now they're in the 60s and 70s and coming out to comedy clubs. Like they have a pretty goddamn good sense of humor.

Yeah, right. They didn't grow up in it. In the Depression. They didn't grow up in the Depression. That's the Depression. They didn't grow up in the Depression. That's the difference between our parents' parents and these people that are coming up today. Yeah. This is a more relaxed bunch. They grew up with Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah. I've had a lot of older gray-haired folks come up to me after shows. Isn't that great? It's beautiful. Yeah, it's awesome. There's no reason to not just enjoy yourself and have fun like oh it's like we have a lot of self-imposed restrictions on the way we view things and the looseness in which we approach things and a lot of it's just because people have to work you know

they have to be serious because they have to work all day shitty fucking jobs all day it's hard it's hard to it's hard to really like have time to step back and make fun of it all and step back and look at it for what it really is, some weird temporary state that could end at any minute. Yeah. You know? It's got to be a weird thing to be a person who's an old person who's just locked and rigid and set in their ways and not seeing the end coming like a goddamn freight train just rolling down the track. And they're just acting cunty and fucking missing out. I know. What a waste of fucking energy and life.

We know a lot of folks like that, though, huh? I think it's funny. The guys who won't talk, you know, they don't talk a certain way in front of women. Yet they have no idea that the group of women are fucking pigs talking about fucking sucking cock and all this shit. Yeah, there's some guys that are just, they don't get it. The boys club guys.

Some guys don't want to know either. There's some guys that don't want to know that women, like some guys want like really innocent women that never joke around about that. Women that don't even exist. Well, maybe they just want to find that one girl from Wisconsin that came here and hasn't been spoiled yet, Tom Herrera. Yeah.

You ever think about that, pal? Yeah, I did. All right. Okay. Don't jump down. Don't get fresh. Whatever happened to fresh? Joe, don't give me the business.

You're giving me the business. Whatever happened to fresh? I think we should bring that back. Like, don't get Fresh. I think that is a nice thing you can say to people. Jamie today is on the podcast. Oh, Christ. Why do you let him on the podcast, first of all?

He wanted to come. Fraser Smith was on. You're a beautiful man, but that's a terrible idea. He was doing a filibuster. Jamie did? He was telling the guests to shut up. Buddy, listen to me. I've been running Laugh Factory since 1975.

I work, I work for, hold on, buddy. He kept saying to Frazier, shut up. I said, you can't have a guest on and tell him to shut up. He's a fucking guest. He was brutal. So many people, that podcast I did with you and him, they were like, please don't ever bring him on again. I know. It was like the majority of the comments was like, who the fuck is that guy and why is he on with Joe and Dom?

I told you what they said too. Not the majority. I made that up. We think you're funny, but you got to lose the little Mexican. They're calling him a little Mexican. Why are you blaming this on Mexicans? He's Iranian Jewish through Israel. But what a fucking character that

is being really shitty at being racist thinking he's mexican it's like you're racist you just suck at it you even suck at being a racist what do you do with the fucking mexican like like if he looks even body listen to me when i was in a small country, a long time ago. Yeah, that sounds exactly like a Mexican. I hear... Buddy, listen to me. Listen, Tamarera been working La Factory since 1976. Every year he gets younger when he came over here. Buddy, listen, I was six years old.

I was a toddler. I came by myself buddy i bring microphone i sneaked him in my underwear as i come to america silly bitch those buddy hey he's still kicking man still out there supporting stand-up if it wasn't for guys like him people that own comedy clubs they're all crazy but you have to be crazy to own a comedy club he loves it you know he loves comedy and he loves the there's a few people that like um they drive comedy in in this country you know wendy from colorado from comedy works she drives comedy in colorado what a story she was a waitress she ends up owning the club she's awesome she's a beautiful person

too but she drives comedy in colorado like she was one of the reasons why like when i wanted to escape it was project escape from la when i was looking at a place to go colorado was one of my choices and one of the reason being is that she has like a real comedy scene there it's like a legit comedy she does great she's got yeah she's got open micers all the way up to headliners like local headliners and she works those guys like she has like a whole rotation. You're allowed to do 10 minutes, and here you're allowed to do 15 minutes.

She develops comics. She has open mic nights. A lot of people forgot about open mic nights. Yeah. Jamie still has them. It's beautiful. You have to have them. Yeah.

You have to have them. They're so important. The problem is a place like L.A. where everybody thinks they're fucking funny. Yeah. Which everybody sucks in the beginning, but some people suck to the point of no return. You didn't suck at the beginning, did you? Fuck yeah, I did.

It was terrible. I didn't. You were awesome? No, I wouldn't say I was awesome, but I think I didn't suck because I was already over my nerves because of acting. Oh, okay. You know, I mean, I didn't have much of an act, but I don't think I, I think I always could bail myself out.

I don't want to sound like a jerk off and saying I didn't suck. But I'm sure I would think I sucked. But I'm not that big a fan of mine today. I was very socially anxious before I did stand-up. But I also was able to teach martial arts classes. And because I taught so many martial arts classes, I had like a little bit less fear of talking than I probably should have had. Sure. At least you're doing public speaking.

Yeah. I had conducted a class. I did many classes. You know, that's what I was doing for a living. How far did you go in martial arts, Jim? When I was 19, I was teaching Taekwondo at Boston University. I was a black belt. When I was in Taekwondo, I was a black belt, I think, when I was teaching taekwondo at Boston University. I was a black belt. When I was in taekwondo, I was a black belt, I think, when I was 16 or 17.

Probably 17, somewhere around there. And I won the Massachusetts State Championship like four years in a row. No kidding. Yeah. I won a couple of them. So good for your head, too. Well, not really if you get hit. No, I mean the emotional head.

Well, it was for me. For me at the time, it was big. But the teaching, it was really satisfying watching people learn things. That's what I learned. I really love sharing things. And I also learned that in sharing like teaching techniques with people, I really concentrated on my own techniques. Like I think a lot of my kicks and a lot of my movements got even sharper because I was teaching them to people. Like I was breaking them down,

showing them how to do them from scratch. And then I had like a few people. There was this one girl that I, uh, trained. She came in as a white belt and then she got all the way up to, uh, I don't want anybody to get mad at me,

but I believe it was yellow, green, blue, red, black. I think that was the thing. And she got up to get mad at me, but I believe it was yellow, green, blue, red, black. I think that was the thing. And she got up to blue, which was pretty high. And it means you're starting to compete against people that are dangerous. They can kick you in the face.

You could get crazy. And she won this tournament, and I was coaching her. So I coached her from the time she was a white belt all the way until the time she was like a blue belt. Oh, that's cool. Oh, it was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing. And she was a white belt all the way to the time she was like a blue that's cool that's oh it's amazing yeah it was amazing and she was a young kid she was in high school and uh she was uh she was really talented she just knew how to listen she knew how to listen and she knew how to do like what i what i explained she could like and she was like super focused it was really interesting teaching someone something and seeing something

like someone completely dive into uh something into something that you appreciate and watching them get better at it. So rewarding to be able to pass that on. I always used to remember like my instructor when like there was guys that were really good in the class and they did something really good, you know, whether it was a sparring demonstration or whether they uh you know did a drill on the bag or something like that he had this beam of joy in his eye yeah when he saw you do it really well like you know like when you really did yes that's it he would get excited and like that like you could see this like i didn't understand it then but when i started teaching i realized like you're like taking part in someone's joy by helping them create something, by helping them create these movements and figuring out how to do these movements correctly.

That it's not just like learning how to kick. It's like tapping into this area where you have control over the whole package, even for just a brief moment. Yeah. And in doing that, like there was a phrase that they had from the taekwondo brochure when you signed up that i um i never forget said that it was a vehicle for developing your human potential so like that's that's how i thought of it and that's how i like would teach it so when you were teaching that you like it's like i had an opportunity i always felt like i had an opportunity to show somebody something that can change their life.

You know, I'll show you what changed my life. I'll show it to you and you can do it too and it'll change your life too. You will literally become a different person. I taught fourth grade and now those kids are grownups. Wow. And that's really cool because some of them told me it was the best year of their lives. They come to see me do stand-up. Oh, that's amazing.

It's very cool. What were you teaching? Fourth grade, you know, everything. Oh, fourth grade is like math, science, everything? I mean, yeah, it's different than what you did because you went to some people who had like an interest and a love for something and wanted to explore it, what you were doing.

But mine is different. They had to be there. So my thing was about self-esteem. I figured I can't teach, these subjects are going to come and go in their lives, but teaching them self-esteem and some of the most rewarding things were like, I had this one kid, he was real shy. He was so shy. He was real tall and he was embarrassed by it. And he would stay in the cloakroom, they'd call it, you know, with all the coats and he'd just stay in there. He wouldn't come out. I'd go, Sky.

We used to call him Sky King because he was a space cadet. I'd go, Sky, you got to come out. You can't stay. I can't let a kid just sit and, you know. And by the end of me just, like, working his self-esteem and all, he was in the middle of the class just with everybody else waving his hand. And his mother came up to me, and she was, like, really touched by it and told me that I changed his life.

And, you know, that kind of shit's cool. And now I got like a couple of the girls come to see me. One of the girls goes, Mr. Herrera, why did you let us do so much stuff? You know, like I said, because you were smarter than me. I said, you know what I mean? I said, look, you know, I had more knowledge because I was an adult. But, you know, you kids, a lot of you have more brain power than me. I know.

I wasn't dumb. I was smart enough to know that I wasn't, that's why you ran the class. You know what I mean? So you were an easy teacher. That's what you're trying to say. Oh, really easy.

I told them at the beginning of the year, I said, look, I want this to be the most fun year of your life. Only you can mess it up. What a fucking awesome opportunity that must have been. And I said,

I want to go to the gym. This is when I was been. And I said, I want to go to the gym. This is when I was playing basketball. I said, I want to go to the gym more than you do. So we're going to have a party every Friday afternoon. We'd have kids that would do break dancing and stuff. Really? Yeah. That's awesome.

Yeah, it was great. Did you ever try to pitch that as a sitcom? No, but somebody else had an idea for it a couple times. That would be a hilarious sitcom. That seems like a natural. Yeah. You as a funny teacher. Because you really did it.

It's legit. And if you really stop and think about it, that would be like for a kid, that's like one of the greatest rolls of the dice a kid can get for their fourth grade teacher. Yeah. I had a girl. Yeah, Dom Irera for your fourth grade teacher. She still calls me Mr. Irera. She's 26 years old. Right? 26, 27. Yeah. I had a girl. Yeah, Dom Herrera for your fourth grade teacher. She still calls me Mr. Herrera. She's 26 years old, right?

26, 27, whatever. And she calls me Mr. Herrera, right? And I go, Teresa, first of all, you're taller than me. She's hot blonde. I go, stop with the Mr. Herrera. You're going to call me Dom. She goes, I just can't call you Dom. Isn't that funny?

Like, she's got me down as Mr. Herrera. That's good. That would keep you from being a dirty bird. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stay away, Dom. Isn't that funny? She's got me down as Mr. Irer. That's good. That'll keep you from being a dirty bird. Stay away, Dom. You know that since she's a little girl. Let her call you Mr. Irer. She's trying to establish boundaries. Somebody said, why do you grow up so young?

I go, because I can. Come on. Bum, bum. Oh, jeez. Is this thing on? Is this on? Is this sound system working in here? Hello? That was one of my favorite bits of yours. I mean, it wasn't even like a, it was almost like an interstitial.

It was like, sometimes you'd throw it in between jokes that kill. Hello, come on, folks, give a little. Get off your high horses. Even jokes that were killing, you would throw that in there. You remember Nathan Lane? Nathan Lane. He's an actor. Yes. He was in like a musical. Yeah, there's been a bunch Nathan Lane. He's an actor. Yes.

Was he in like a musical? Yeah, he's been in a bunch of them. He's great. He lives in New York. He was in The Producers. I should know him. He was in La Cage a Fall.

But anyway, he used to give me, he had a great, he has a great memory and he would, I would do that Fritzie Anderson character and he would remember shit.

He goes, get off your high horses because I would go, get off your high horses, come down up your exalted mountains, retreat from your petite plateaus. Come would go, get off your high horses. Come down up your exalted mountains. Retreat from your petite plateaus.

Come on, folks. Ooh, ah, ooh. And it was just so much fun to do, because it was so physical and loud. It was like it used to kill my voice. What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing. No matter what you call him, he ain't coming.

Where did I lose you? You. Hello? Yeah, having characters that you can just bring back like that is always fun, too. Oh, that was a fun character. All it was was a conglomeration of every lounge mountain comedian I've ever seen.

You know, like the sappy songs, I write the jokes to make the whole world smile. Ooh! You know, that kind of guy. I had a nightmare last night, I guess it was last night, that I bombed on stage in a hell gig in Long Island. Wow. Very specific.

Oh, God. Because Long Island was, I did a lot of hell gigs in Long Island. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah. But you've done brokerage and governors. Yeah, yeah. I did the nice places, too. But I also did Fast Eddie's in Huntington. Did you really? Yeah. You've done brokerage and governors. Yeah, I did the nice places too, but I also did Fast Eddie's in Huntington. I didn't know that. Yeah, that was

when I got my manager convinced to let me be dirty. Jeff? Jeff. You've been with Jeff a long time. Yeah, from the beginning. He picked me up when I was a scrub. He picked me up when I was an open mic-er. We've been together forever. He the best he is the i love him too he's my friend you know he's not just a manager he's the best manager and i love him yeah but uh in the beginning

you know we were still trying to figure it out i was only like 20 something years old i didn't know shit and like maybe you should be clean like that was back in the day where everybody should be clean you know and i'd done some clean sets too like he asked me to do one i think he asked me to do one clean set for him so i did a clean set like catch a rising star but then we went to um um uh the the place that was way out was it east side yeah east side comedy club went out i did a set out there and then we did a set at this fast eddie's place this fast eddie's place was a dive and there was a dude named george gallo i don't know if you remember him. No. He was on stage and he was a real physical act. And he was doing this thing where he would do a reverse shit with a banana.

Oh, shit. Oh, the old reverse shit. I guess he would like put the banana like fully formed on his lips and then suck it back into his mouth or something like that and call it a reverse shit with a banana. Jeez. And so Jeff, i'll never forget he looks over and he goes you don't have to do this i'm gonna get you out of this and i go no no no no i told him i go these are my people i go trust me we're gonna be fine here i know how to

make these people laugh and so i went up and did my hell gig material you know because i did so many hell gigs that's when you started being dirty again well it was the one he he was convinced he gave in watching that one set in this crazy nightclub like it was the end of discussion whether or not i should be clean he goes okay we just got to concentrate on just go all dirty he's the best having a guy like that uh as a manager it just takes all the worry out of career and handling things. You've got a relationship like that with a guy, you love the guy, like family, and he's also your manager. It alleviates so much. I always thought the world was so lucky. He's the best.

He's the best. So is Chandra. They're the best. But I just got so lucky that I met them. There's a lot of kooky faces out there man a lot of crazy fucking people in show business i mean how many looney tunes managers have we met how many people off the deep end how many people that fucking swindle people and wind up stealing money or owing money or embroiled in controversy every other year yeah lenny clark got fucked oh he, he got fucked hard. So did Jerry Seinfeld.

He got fucked in that as well. Yeah, that's it. A lot of guys did. Some agent stole hundreds of thousands of dollars. I know who it is. I know. I'm not going to name him here. Dirty sacks of shit.

Yeah. It's a funny business we're in, Tom O'Mara. You and I have known each other for a long fucking time now. Yes, me brother. 20 years. 20 years of nine ball, too. You'd think I'd be a little better. A lot of fucking pool, damarera.

You really need a lot of pool. Concentrating on your stroke. We're still going to shoot tonight? Fuck yeah, bitch. Come on, son. I got two hours in me, that's all. That's all you need. Two hours is the...

That's what the doctor ordered, son. I got to tell you now, Joe. Dom O'Rear, relax over here. Dom O'Rear, where can the folks see you next? I'll be at the Improv in Atlanta this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then the following. I didn't even know that Atlanta had an Improv in Atlanta. Yeah, I heard it's nice. Is this new?

Pretty new, yeah. Wow. You want to hear how I got the gig? How did you get the gig? I was doing a benefit for animals. It was for Alan Havy and for animal shelters. Alan Havy. And I didn't even know what it was.

I just went in because it was Alan. And I said, maybe Alan needed money. And then they go, no, it's for dogs and cats. I go, fuck dogs and cats. I'm kidding. But anyway, so then I get a call the next day. And I've been wanting to go to atlanta and uh bud friedman called and my agent isn't that funny but all bud friedman's

opening this joint well he's booking it yeah oh that's funny wow i didn't know bud booked things anymore he does like reno and tahoe and a couple things oh he had like had some thing at the improv a couple years ago where he was like officially retiring. But he always does. Yeah, you know what it is? It's probably too fun for him. Yeah. This guy's been in the fucking business

his whole life. Yeah, yeah. He can't give up. He loves getting up and saying hello. He does. And you know what? Comedy's a great fucking thing

to still be a part of. It's a fun thing to still be a part of. Yeah, it is. And I'm at Cleveland the following week I'll tell you hilarities then I'll be in Kilkenny.

If you're a stand-up comedy fan I don't think there's ever been more funny guys around than now. I don't think so either. I think it's one of the best times ever. Yeah. There's so many good people. Yeah. Men, women. There's so many funny chicks.

I think there's more funny chicks now than ever before. Yeah. Ever before. Yeah, I know. I was with Sarah Silverman the other night, man. She fucking killed it. She's hilarious. Just her and Amy Schumer, I think they rank up with the funniest chicks of all time i don't know amy's work

bonnie mcfarland does as well she's fucking hilarious yeah she's hilarious she's very smart you know she's a very smart person she sees things she points out things and you you know they make sense right you go with it it's good it's great stuff oh hilarious yeah they you ever heard the podcast she gives me anxiety she tortures him that she really tortures him it hurts my feelings i'm like rich just shut just shut the fuck up just please rich well she's hotter i'm just saying smarter yeah i'm just saying that it's funny that's a funny podcast. The best comedy couple by far is Segura and Christina Pazitsky. Christina Pazitsky. You don't know her?

I think I do. Tom Segura's wife? Dude, that chick is fucking funny. Yeah. We did one of Sam Tripoli's shows. You know, Sam Tripoli had that naughty show. And Sam Tripoli's naughty shows, if you've never seen him, he does these shows with improv. And they're not just comedy.

There's like all kinds of craziness to it Yeah, it's like stars. Yeah, I'm sorry They would like it they played some thing where if the guy got the question wrong the porn star beat him with a belt So this chick is like beating this dude's ass with a belt and everyone's screaming and going nuts and then boom They bring Christina Pazitsky on stage and I was not She's very pretty yeah but she's not like a porn star looking chick she's like a very pretty regular chick so um she goes on stage and by the way don't ever ask me if my wife my friend's wife is hot

that's rude to put you on the spot i just realized you son of a bitch yeah but you you bought it she's very pretty but you handled it well yeah she's very pretty. But you handled it well. Yeah. She's pretty for a regular chick. So it wasn't like she was selling sex. She was just selling funny. You know, she was going up there and being funny. I mean, she doesn't,

she dresses like, you know, like anybody. Nice ass. I wouldn't say it was a bad ass. Trying to be as respectful as possible, Mr. Irer.

What I'll do, respect. Okay. And anyway, she goes up there and I'm thinking, man, I just meet her, right? And she's with Tom and I'm just like, you know, she seems so nice and now for sure she's going to go eat

dick up there. It's going to be terrible. How do you follow that? The guy just beat a dude's ass with a belt and everybody was screaming. How do you follow that? He took his pants down? I want to say yes. I want to say at the very least like his underwear was out. Like, he had his underwear on.

They beat his ass with a belt. Like, he got fucked up. That dude got hurt. Anyway. She crushes. Crushes. Just grabs it. Makes fun of it.

Makes fun of the whole situation. Relaxed. Gets to it on her own due time. Just controlled the whole room. Like a pro. It's so nice when you see that. You know? When you're like, oh, she knows room like a pro. It's so nice when you see that. Yeah.

And you're like, oh, she knows what she's doing. Because there's nothing worse than befriending someone and then you've never seen them before. And on those weird pop-in nights at the improv where a lot of times on those Wednesday and Tuesday night shows, some of the people in the crowd will be supporting the guy who's on stage and they bring like 10 people with them. So you never know. I brought a girl. I didn't bring

her there but she lives in Chicago and the Laugh Factory is in Chicago and I was doing it and she asked me if she could do some time because her family is there. I never even saw her on stage. But she's hot. Not only did she bring her family, she brought a shitload of people. And she did very well.

And she's really hot. Wait a minute. She's good? I wouldn't say she's good. But, I mean, she's probably not like in Christina's class. Yeah, Christina Pazinski. But she did very well. I mean, she's a newcomer.

You know, she's really green. But, I mean, like all it was was just like me going yeah you're hot fuck yeah do seven minutes what do i care you know who impressed me the most uh doing like a pop into like that little esther little esther in chicago she did the chicago theater don there was 3 400 people there what the fuck it seats it's more than 3 000 i don't know how many would say it's more than 3 000 she destroyed no kidding yeah she's good she was funny on the podcast too yeah there's so many funny fucking people today this is crazy time crazy time that came back you know i mean fuck yeah dude better

i think it's better than ever yeah i really do look look kevin hart i mean um think about Brian Callen, Nick DiPaolo, I mean, Jim Brewer, Bill Burr. David Tell. David Tell, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Louis C.K., Tosh. Just stop right there. I mean, look at how many guys you're dealing with there I mean oh yeah Patton Oswalt

you can't forget Patton Oswalt he's one of the best yeah there's so many good guys right now man there's so many fucking good guys you know who fucking

makes me laugh though even though he's not a traditional stand up who? Andy Kindler oh he's hilarious fucking kills me he is a traditional stand up

he's just you know what I mean he just makes fun of stand up he makes fun of yeah like he does so when he bombs he does better than when he's doing good yeah you know he's the funniest bomber ever he's awesome yeah he's he's quite a character that guy yeah we live in good times this is great times for comedy and you know the fact that everybody has a podcast now i think is awesome i just think it's one of the most amazing things

ever that all these different people have something that connects to the act. You get to see the person. Instead of just seeing the jokes on stage, you get to see the unfiltered human being. You get to see them fuck around with shit, talk about serious shit, talk about not-so-serious shit, bust balls, be silly. Maybe sell a little ting. Sell a little this, a little that. Is it wrong to bring up ting? A little ting if you go to rogan.ting.com.

There's a little something in it for you. A little something in it for yourself. Okay? Squarespace.com. Go there too, you fucks. You fucking whore master. Yeah, I'm supposed to like, what is the Squarespace URL? Yeah, motherfucker.

Who is that from? Motherfucker. That was from Joey Pes URL. Yeah, motherfucker. Who is that from? Motherfucker. That was from Joey Pesci. Yeah, motherfucker. You motherfucker. He told me that Pesci came in to see his goddaughter at the lab factory, and he thought I was going to go up, so he agreed to do my radio show.

I had a radio show there at the time, two years ago. Excuse me. And he goes, I says, I'm not going on. Excuse me. And he goes, I'm not going on, I'm tired. He goes, well, if you're not going on, I'm not fucking doing your podcast. I said, you're right. Don't do it. He goes, I go to this fucking Italian

restaurant in Vegas, your picture's in the fucking urinal. I'm looking at you, I feel like a fucking fag. Looking at you, but I'm taking a piss. That's what Joe Pesci said, or is this a joke? No, that's what he said. Really? Joe, don't do jokes.

Huh? He said he felt like he was a fag? Something like that. You should just pull your cock out and see what happens next. Could you imagine

if Joe Pesci just started mowing down on your cock? No, I can't. Even if you're, you know,

obviously you're not gay, but even if you, just for the experience is what I'm saying. That's a good point. I'll keep that in mind. I'll keep that in mind the next time we see him. If he brings it up again.

Well, I was trying to figure out why he was telling you that. Well, because my picture was up above the urinal. Because he loves you. He does. Joe Pesci's love. He had his cock in his hand. Pass it along. And he just...

It was so memorable. He had to bring it up. Why'd you have to fucking say that for? Squarespace.com forward slash Joe. Use the code Joe5. Save yourself some money. And thank you to Onnit.com. O-N-N-I-T.

Use the code name Rogan. Save 10% off any and all supplements. Dominic motherfucking Irera Esquire. Thank you, sir. Thank you. You're the fucking man. I am proud to be a friend, my friend. I'm honored.

Right back at you. It's been a lot of fun and joy over the 20 years of knowing you. We've had a lot of good times, my friend. Oh, sir. You're the fucking man. I am proud to be your friend, my friend. I'm honored. Right back at you. It's been a lot of fun and joy over the 20 years of knowing you. We've had a lot of good times, my friend. Oh, yeah. And we plan on having more. Yeah, we got more coming. All right, you fucks. Powerful Dan Hardy will be here Wednesday.

It'll be an early podcast. 11 a.m. on Pacific Time for Powerful Dan Hardy. And then there will also be one on Thursday, and I'll let you know who's going to be on that. All right, you fucks. We love the shit out of you. Appreciate you all, and mad love to you. Big kisses.

Thanks, Joe. Thank you.