The Joe Rogan Experience - #36 - Eddie Bravo

Episode Date: August 21, 2010

Joe sits down with Eddie Bravo.

I see you driving round town with the girl I love And I'm like, fuck you I kissed the change in my pocket and it wasn't enough I'm like, fuck you And I'm fucked up too Said if I was Rachel, ya Who said we'd wage a Fuck you and a fuck her too Now ain't that some shit

And although that's crazy My chance to wish you the best Fuck you Sorry, I can't afford to provide But that don't mean I can't fix you there I guess we use an Xbox And I'm more of an Atari But the way you play your game ain't fair I picked you as a fool, that falls in love with you Oh, so she's a girl, just both of you know I've got some news for you Yeah, go to my chair, you little boy

See, you're driving round town with the girl I love And I'm like, fuck you I just kept changing my pocket and it wasn't enough I'm like, fuck you, and I'm fucking too Said, if I was with you, I'd still be with ya But I know that's a shame And although there's pain in my chest I still wish you the best

Fuck you Now I know that I have tomorrow Begging still and lying cheap Trying to keep you Trying to please you Spending love with your ass ain't cheap Now I can tell you That I'm in love with you

She's an old Just don't you know I've got some news for you I really hate your ass right now. Talked to you like a fucking bugger too Said if I was your age, I'd still be where I'm at Now ain't that some shit? And although that's painted in my shades I still wish you the best Fuck you

Now baby, baby, baby, why you wanna, wanna hurt me so bad? So bad, so bad, so bad I tried to tell my mama but she told me This is one for your dad Yes she did And I'm like Uh, why? Uh, why?

Uh, why, baby? Oh, I love you Oh, I love you, oh, I still love you I see the world in my child with a girl like you I just kept changing my pocket, it wasn't enough I'm like, fuck you and fuck her too Said if I was with ya, I'd still be with you No, wait, that's a shame

No, no, that's a shame I wish you the best But I fucked with you Damn, that's good. That was awesome. That's a good goddamn song. That is the first time I heard that song. Isn't it great? Yeah, me too. The first time I heard it and it got me. That was awesome. That's a good goddamn song. That is the first time I heard that song. Isn't it great?

Yeah, me too. The first time I heard it and it got me. I love it. Even just the video. Have you ever seen the video? It's just words. It's just words. But you get into the words.

You know what? That's a masterpiece. I'm not into soulful music like that usually, but that's a good song. I'm already thinking about remixing it into a disturbed or prong remix or something. Why would you want to fuck with that? Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is sponsored once, always, every time by the Fleshlight. It's Saturday. This is an impromptu podcast we decided to put together, and Brian just threw on that song.

He said you have to listen to it. It was so good just listening to the first couple seconds of it that we had to play the whole thing. I fucking love that, dude. Remember when you first heard the song Crazy? Yeah, that was a badass song. Wait a minute, who is that? Nars Barkley. That's Nars Barkley.

Oh, shit. That's Nars Barkley. God damn. C, whatever his name is. I remember when BJ Penn, I forget who he was fighting. I think he was fighting Matt Hughes. But he came out to that Crazy song.

And I was like, God damn, that's a good song. C-Lo Green is his name from nars berkeley but i guess you know i wonder what the edited version is going to sound like are they just going to are they just going to bleep it out or change the words or something you know what i don't think they need to do that anymore radio is dead yeah you know they're i mean the the people that are on radio right now a lot of them are doing podcasts and it's eventually going to go to that regular terrestrial radio they've just've just fucking, they've gotten so busy with it and fucked with it so much that they've crushed it.

There's no, you can't fuck around on the radio anymore. You can't have fun. You get sued. It's like, why can't you say fuck you? You remember the Who song? What was the song that had fuck in it? I don't remember. Who Are You?

No, Who the Fuck Are You? Right. They played that shit on the radio when I was a kid. Really? Because it was the who. Wow. Because who are you? Who, who, who?

You know that? It gets to the point. It goes, who the fuck are you? They kept that on the radio. Right. You can't do it no more. But with this song, you could probably just put cat sounds instead of fuck, and it would still work.

I listened to that Who the Fuck Are You song. I listened to that Who song the other day, and they did get it. It was on the radio, and they did get it. They got the fuck. They twisted the fuck. They took a pace out of the fuck. So, who the fuck are you?

It's sort of there, but it's not there. You can get away with it. That song's so good. Fuck it, man. Just let it get on the internet. Make it become MP3s and play in clubs. It'll be gigantic. A satellite radio, you know?

Eddie, how much money did you spend last night on junk food? $250. But it wasn't all junk food. There was two 12-packs of water. Wow. So that's like $6, right? You had a picture on your Twitter. You guys got to check it out where it's just like junk food, tons and tons of junk food.

Yeah, I didn't set that up. I decided I realized I never go grocery shopping ever. But when I did back in the day, you never do it stoned and hungry because you end up buying a bunch of shit you would never eat. It just stacks up and just stays in your house. Everything sounds good. Like, you know what? I'm going to get some fucking hamburger helper. know what i mean get every flavor all this shit you would never eat so i ended up doing that last night and spent 250 bucks on just shit

pitcher's great you feel so bad about yourself after you yeah i bought a lot of cereal, a peanut butter Captain Crunch. I mean, the big box of Lucky Charms, a huge box, was $2.99. How the fuck are you going to turn that down? I ate three Krispy Kreme donuts in one sitting the other night, the big ones, chocolate cream filled. Oh, they were so fucking good. They were so good. But it's right away, as soon as you're done, you feel like such a piece of shit. Oh, yeah, You never feel good.

Fuck, if I'm done with my body. Always. You always feel like shit. You're just throwing sludge in the machine. It's like fucking a fat chick. You're never going to feel good after. After, you feel like jumping out a window. If you love her, Eddie.

Well, if you're in love with her, yeah. God damn it. And because she's only fat because she got pregnant. Maybe you're fat, too, and that's what you can get. You got to do what you got to do. With some dudes, it's not worth it for them to get skinny to fuck a skinny girl. They're like, you know what? I like being fat.

I'll just fuck a fat chick. Yeah. That's cool. Thank God. Well, everybody's got different tastes, man. Can you imagine? Some girls like really heroin-looking dudes. That's like a look.

Fat bitches are angry enough, man. We need dudes out there banging the shit out of them. Calm them down. Some of them are angry dudes. Some of them need dudes out there banging the shit out of them. Calm them down. Some of them are angry dudes. Some of them are just sad. They just lash out. How would you like it? How about the fat chick that's hanging out with three hot chicks at a club in the wrong trunk?

How about that chick? That's always the monster of the pack. Killing it for everybody. Just destroying the night. Trying to crush the night. I used to do a bit about them, about girls cock blocking. I need to bring that shit back. I don't think I ever recorded that. God damn it. Cock blocking

is so accepted for women. It's accepted. If you don't cock block, then you have no honor almost. But for guys, if you cock block, you can get punched. But you can cock block another guy if he's trying to fuck your girlfriend that seems to be acceptable i've seen a lot of that where a guy's hanging out with

a girl but they're just friends and the dude will try to cock block anyway i've never seen that happen say that again explain it dude is friends with the girl say you're a young single man out in the town and you meet a young lady and she's attractive and she's here oh these are just my friends and she's with a girlfriend and a guy friend the guy friend like will almost always cock buck unless he's like super cool and thinks you're super cool most guy friends hanging out with a girl are just dudes who haven't really been successful in fucking that girl they're going to be very upset if you are and it's usually if she's pretty for sure if he's around if he's young what are the

odds he has his shit together enough that he's cool with her being attracted to other people other than him if he's handsome and she's pretty what are the odds there's fucking zero the odd zero they're just there's some twisted love triangle with her friend and he really wants to fuck her but he can't no what's your friend it person. Some dudes will be friends with chicks so long. Like hot ones. I've done that too. For decades. I was friends with a chick from like 1994, and I finally fucked her in 2000. It took me six years.

And I wanted to. The whole time I wanted to. I was waiting. But she was so funny and so cool. We actually, I liked hanging out with her. And eventually, I broke her down. There's a game af i broke her down there's a game afoot with some smart women some smart women just they're so tired of the bullshit the

guys do that they they will fuck with you and they'll drag you around if if you want to fuck them they just want to see how much effort you put in how long you're willing to stick around and to them it's like it's almost a commodity they're giving up like if you if she fucks you now you're not going to take her seriously anymore you're just going to be like one of the other girls that she fucks but if she just strings you around forever then you're her little play thing you're her little buddy and we kiss every now and then what's the big deal we're friends who care how about if you haven't kissed and then you think like fuck i'm gonna make that move after being friends for four years now you make a move and she turned you down damn that's brutal i thought we brutal. Ooh, that's a hard one. I thought we were friends.

You mean this whole time you've been trying to fuck me? Exactly. Oh, I got crazy. I was in the moment. Yeah, that's never good. You go out there and you try to kiss and she doesn't turn her head all the way, just a little bit. It's like, bam, she just gives you the jaw.

It's always weird. Right there, that moment, you're like, damn, she didn't respond the way I wish she would have. It's always a weird thing with human beings when one person wants to be with the other person, whether it's friendship or whether it's sexually, and the other person's not into it. That's the worst. It's the worst thing to watch in a movie.

It's the most uncomfortable thing to watch. It just makes you, ah! When you see a friend of yours that's getting fucking just done over, and you see it coming, man, I gotta just watch this happen. Shit! It's the worst.

It's like if you love a chick and all of a sudden she doesn't love you anymore, there's nothing she can steal from you that hurts more than that. You could light my fucking house on fire. I'll be like, there's a hotel. I'm gonna be okay. I'm a little disoriented.

I can't believe my house is burnt to the ground, but I'm gonna be okay. But you pull that fucking deep love away and then give it to someone else. Did that happen? Did you have babies with someone else? The last time that happened was 1995 and it fucking crushed me. I wrote a terrible song

and put it on a cassette and left it on her doorstep begging her to come back to me. It was darkness. I had to sleep with Valium during this to get it over. She just left me. Aren't you glad she didn't have a Twitter back then Can you imagine

Facebook doesn't have a limit As much of a limit When people break up on Twitter Celebrities break up on fucking Twitter Because they come together on Twitter And they're back going That's a good one babe Love ya babe

And they go back and forth While the whole world is watching them go back and forth. You know who does that all the time? Who? Tito and Janet Jameson. That's what I'm talking about. They go back and forth all the time. And then when they break up, they have to make an announcement. You have to say something because they're not tweeting together anymore.

They're not hooking each other up in the twit. So then they have to announce that they're no longer going out. That's fucking hilarious. That's really strange. Speaking of Twitter, what happened to steve edgy's twitter he just deleted his whole entire account and it was like fuck twitter or you know and i'm deleting my facebook also and then the other day i'm like why haven't i heard from him in a while and he just got it back on the twitter like a month later or something he's like i had to get back on twitter to uh uh talk about this movie i just saw and now he has like

2,000 friends. But didn't he have like a million? Yeah, something like that. He just deleted all those. Why did he do that? He did Twitter suicide. But why did he do that? Was there a reason? I don't know. There's some people that feel like we're too connected, man. There's some people that don't like it. They resent it. They want the old school way

where people just like you. They like you, they like you. You know, we don't have to talk all day. I don't have to be fucking tweeting back and forth with you. I'll do a Johnny Carson interview and sit down with him and if you like me, you like me. They don't want to get into the whole social media thing. I disagree with that.

I disagree with it too, but for some people, their primacy is just... There's people that aren't on Twitter. I know people that are fucking barely on computers. They're not even on the goddamn computer. You could live that life if you want. You could totally disconnect. Sure.

My mom doesn't even know how to get texts. I sent my mom a text like a month ago, and she finally just responded. OMG, I didn't know I got texts. My mom doesn't get text messages. My mom just figured that out last week. She'll send the same text twice because she's not sure how. Maybe it didn't go through.

Let me send it again. Maybe it didn't go through. Let me send it again. It's like a fucking letter. My mom's scared of the price. I'm like, mom, it's $5 for 500 text messages. You could just do that plan. She goes, no, I just can't afford $5.

I'm like, mom, think of all the stamps, all the cards you save. She can't do $5 a month. I'm like, mom, think of all the stamps, all the cards you save. She can't do $5 a month. She doesn't understand it. She has to have a tech seminar to go to or something. Yeah, some people just don't give a fuck about technology. So maybe that's what it was. Maybe he just felt like too compressed, you know, maybe too attached to people.

It wasn't too long where it was all about fucking fan mail and like opening up like mail and going through that shit. For whatever reason, that stuff always creeped me out but but this does not creep me out like communicating with people on an even level and message boards and you know and twitter and stuff like that i like that that's fun it's fun yeah it's interesting you know i mean you can't respond to everybody it's impossible it's virtually impossible and some people get mad because of it and i understand you're getting annoyed but there's no way i could respond to everybody i wouldn't have time to do shit i wouldn't have time to write anything i wouldn't respond to everybody. I wouldn't have time to do shit. I wouldn't have time to write anything. I wouldn't be able to work out.

I wouldn't have time to get anything done. There's just no fucking way you can keep up. There's just no way. But it's still a fun way to give what you can give. And it's a fun way, not that that's anything you're giving that's so special, but just to be able to communicate with people. And just the amount of information that you get now now it's just so much different than when you know our parents were growing up there was nothing like fucking ghetto gaggers.com that someone could just

click a link to you you remember when that guy did that to me on twitter some guy goes hey is this triangle okay this guy doing this triangle okay i click on it and this little skinny white dude who's got this chick i saw it she's like this really ghetto looking chick and he's fucking her mouth. And there's a whole site dedicated to skinny white dudes fucking the shit out of these ghetto black chicks. There's a whole site. There's nothing like that.

What's it called? It's called ghettogaggers.com. Email me that, yeah. It's the strangest fucking thing in the world. I don't think I could watch it, man. That's like watching dolphins get harpooned and shit. I don't know. Think about that.

How hard shit like that was for your dad to see? How shit like that for my mom to see? How hard that was when they were growing up to get a ghetto gagger's photo? It was impossible. You couldn't find it. And if you tried looking for it, you'd probably get arrested. You'd probably get locked up in some FBI sting. How hard was it to get really obscene shit?

It was really hard. Every time I think that, then you see these historic photos of bondage houses from the 1910s. I think they did shit. They still did shit. But I don't think it was easy to see it. I think you had to get deep into that world before you got into the bondage houses. You had to be trusted into the circle of fucking freaks and weirdos willing to tie each other up and fuck their faces and do whatever they do there's probably a lot of drawings back then of that though they would

have to be right before before 1835 there was no cameras right so there was all drawings yeah there were stacks and stacks of drawings maybe it was just all talk maybe it was just all written word you know i know they did they did did have some sort of light porn literature. Can you imagine how happy people were when they invented Morse code? They must have thought that was like magic. Remember when we were kids? That's like alien super technology. You know what I mean?

They'd send a wire in the Old West. Remember that shit? That's crazy shit. They'd send a wire in the Old West. Remember that shit? That's crazy shit. They'd send a letter by wire. How crazy is that? I wonder how complex smoke signals got. Was there language there? I mean, how many symbols are there?

What can you make with smoke? Well, there's this dude that lives in Alaska. There's this dude that lives in Alaska, and he was on a Jack Kuralt show, On the Road, whatever it was called. What was it called? Do you remember that show? No. It was called On the Road, and it was like a Jack Kuralt show, On the Road, whatever it was called. What was it called? Do you remember that show? No.

It was called On the Road. And it was like a CBS show. This guy would go to all these different places. And he went to Alaska to talk to this prospector. And this guy spends like five, six months alone by himself in Alaska and then comes back into town. And he says when he comes back into town,

he can read people's minds. It doesn't last forever, but he can do it for a short period of time. Because he's not talking to anyone out there. And he learns how to tune into thoughts. What the fuck? Can he prove this? Yeah, right?

I could say that, too. I know this dude who thinks he's Jesus. In the woods, again. I mean, it's ridiculous. But I think there's something there. Not that this guy can actually read your mind, but I think there's obviously something else going on just besides words.

He needs to be on that show, Stan Lee's Superhumans. Try to describe what it feels like when you know someone's full of shit. You know when someone's lying to you? You know that weird feeling when someone's lying to you? Pantomimes. Yeah, but not even pantomimes.

Just something. Just something, just a hunch, you know? Just a weird vibe, a feeling. You're tuning into something, you know? What is it that you have to do to get really super sensitive to be able to do that all the time, though? Is there, like, exercises that you can do to try to tune into people's bullshit more?

Paranoia. Paranoia. No, seriously, if you're paranoid you're watching every single flinch of every single move something else is making you know because you're paranoid about everything you're watching every hand motion you start getting overly sensitive you know yeah but that's not good what i'm saying is to be able to read it like all the time to be able to tune into it all the time it's got to be something that people are getting close to you know a long time ago I was reading that there was this one guy,

I forget who he was, some saint character, and he was one of the first guys that knew how to read without talking. And that was one of the ways that they thought this guy was divine because he could, like, look at the Scripture and he could close it and then speak of the words. And they were like, well, this is proof this guy's divine because he doesn't even have to read it aloud. And what it was is he was just the first guy who figured out how to read without talking.

To us, it's like a totally normal thing. We think that's what we always do. But a long time ago, you know, thousands of years ago, I mean, who knows how long, that was like really hard to do. Like you couldn't just look at something and just like think in your head, oh, that's a poster for the ultimate doom. You would have to say the ultimate doom.'d have to spell it out how strange is

that it's ridiculous that's like a technique that's a technique somebody figured out we just take it for granted just reading can you imagine if everywhere you go people had to read aloud how goddamn annoying would that be you're on a plane and everyone's got their own book and you got to tune into whatever these fucking people are reading stupid romance novel you're trying to read your shit you know what i'm thinking i'm thinking of like when was toilet paper invented and what did different cultures use to wipe their ass over the centuries? Well, the bidet is

considered the way to go everywhere but here. I'm talking about ancient ass wiping. Ancient ass wiping. Well, they must have used rivers. Sticks, rocks. Sticks, twigs. Faces of a woman. Maybe nothing. You had to shit by a river. What if there wasn't a river nearby? And no one would eat your ass. Did you have a shit bag? Maybe the whole reason why people wipe at all is

because they want someone to eat their ass. We're the only animal who understands how good that feels. That's why we keep our ass cleaned. We used to drag them by the hair. Don't you think they would make them clean your ass? You know, clean my ass. That's how the cavemen probably wipe their ass. Brian.

You know? I mean, they used to drag them through. Cavemen would force the women to. The women were tools. Yeah, the women were tools. Tools for babies. That's why they would were dragging by the hair. They didn't care. I don't think that's correct.

Who was the first guy to wipe his ass? It was some caveman, probably. It was a gay guy. It was a gay caveman. Just trying to... Hey, do you ever walk into... Let me just clean this place up. It's such a mess.

Do you ever walk into... Lathering it up with palm florons and shit. Do you ever walk into a public restroom and think we're part of a gay joke? Why do we all have to pull out our dicks? No matter how old you are, if you're standing next to a bunch of people and you pull out your dick,

there's a little touch of insecurity. Right? Just a little touch. There's a touch of weirdness. I think more in locker rooms. Why can't we have compartments? Some have locker rooms. The weird the weirdness too. It's like, why can't we have compartments? Why can't... Some have locker rooms. Some have total privacy.

Well, the weird thing is that you know for sure that dudes have sucked other dudes' dicks in these very bathrooms. Yeah, it's like, why are we pulling out our dicks? Gay dudes must love going... That's why public restaurants are such a turnoff. But don't you think locker rooms are worse? That's why they're doing it in bathrooms, because dudes are all pulling dicks out. There's dicks out everywhere.

There can be locker rooms are worse. It's like a strip club for them. Yeah, for them, it's just like if you could go into a chick's room. Exactly. That's what I'm thinking. This is a big fucking gay joke. Gay dude designed

the first public restroom. Yeah, but don't you think locker rooms are worse? Way worse? Because at least peeing, you have something to do. Locker rooms are just kind of like getting dressed

and talking about clothing. Yeah, locker rooms are bad too. I mean, you should have your own private booth. Some urinals have walls where you can't see other dudes' dick, but then some brand new stadiums. They're brand new stadiums, and you have a trough.

Everyone's pulling out their dicks. There was this dude that I used to do taekwondo with back in the day, and he was a male dancer. He always used to creep people out because he would take a shower, and then he would just stroll around the bathroom with his chest out like this. Stroll around. Sometimes he would stretch out naked.

He'd be fucking naked, bro. And this guy would stretch his legs out. And his dick, he probably had like 100 fat chicks suck it a day and some guys. This guy was a male dancer. And he definitely had guys that asked him to dance because he told me that's the best way he could make money.

He doesn't like to do it. I don't like to do it, man. That's where a lot of money is. So this guy used to just strut around the bathroom with his elephant dick. It was like an elephant's trunk, just flopping. It was like three-quarters hard all the time. This dude would just walk around. Nothing's gayer than that.

What about that owl that you posted on Twitter the other day And the Mexicans thought it was a witch You talk about that shit, that's just crazy Yeah, apparently it's some crazy owl There's a bunch of different names for it I think someone said it's a frog owl And someone said it's a thorny owl Or something like that

It's from Australia I posted some video up on my Twitter Some dude sent it to me It's a Mexican news story about this animal. They don't know what it is and they think it's a witch. And it's just this crazy owl. It's a really weird looking animal.

It looks like a fleshlight mixed with a bird. I'll pull it up on my Twitter while we're talking so you can see it because it's just so strange. It doesn't look like a real animal. It's a fleshlight bird. It looks like a little dragon from a Harry Potter movie. Like a half lizard, half bird that's come to life and it's like, you know, finding you. Fleshlight should make one of these birds.

That's a totally legit picture? No, it's a video, man. It's a real animal. And there's videos of them. Oh, they found more than one. No, it's an animal. It's a real animal in Australia. It's just this freaky looking owl. It's called like a tawny owl or something like that. And people, why was it in the Mexican news?wny owl or something like that and people why was it

in the mexican news uh because i guess they didn't know what it was whoever it was i mean it's you know the mexican version of like some local you know news story where a bunch of yahoos are out there with cameras like we have cup chowder which they're holding it down but let me let me pull it up real quick he's like why it gotta cut it be Mexican man Eddie got very sensitive Eddie Bravo's a Mexican I don't know if you know that ladies and gentlemen I don't appreciate some of those remarks dude the tone you know I used to think you were joking with me

when I first moved here you used to always tell me you were Mexican and I was like haha that's his joke like I never believed it well what's really funny is when he meets chicks he tells them he's half Japanese and half Eskimo he says yeah I'm a Japaho the story's always different. It's always like, you know, my father was a soldier.

His father was in World War II. There's always some crazy story. Yeah, as a kid, I always used to tell people I was half Japanese, half Eskimo. Really? I was a – All right. You look kind of like Indian or – Jap-o-mo.

Sweat this. Brian, can you tell us – I don't know why I did that. Strange reptilian bird found in Mexico. Put your microphone on it. No, but it would be better if you do it you know you can plug into it remember yeah i thought you meant no just so the people can hear it because eddie speaks spanish he'll know what they're saying it says mexico yeah yeah no it is in mexico i thought you said it was in australia well it's just an animal i mean it lives in australia and someone found one in mexico

oh shit i mean animals that live in australia can got on a cargo boat Yeah probably something like that right Yeah it's amazing how many different animals come from everywhere There's so much of sparrows in Hawaii that aren't from there All the pigs in Hawaii they're not from there Okay You got it? Okay here we go Can you translate Mr. Bravo Microphone translate mr. Bravo I know what she's saying what she's saying They think it's a witch.

His eyes are whatever. I don't understand the newscasters at all. Why is that? Regular people. They speak correct. Really? I only understand ghetto Spanish. I don't understand

proper Spanish that well Dude you keep it so straight I'm not going to conform You know what I'm saying There it is Look at this thing This is the bird It really does

It looks like a flying lizard I think it's called a tawny owl Look at it It's a real bird man Freaky ass looking bird Yeah, it looks like a flying lizard, but I think it's called a tawny owl. Look at it. Awesome. It's awesome. It's a real bird, man. Freaky-ass looking bird. I want to see it fly.

I want to put a hat on it. Look at it. It's pretty dope. I mean, what's really funny is I put it up on Twitter. All right, kill it, Brian. I think we're done. I put it up on Twitter, and dudes saw it. Most people were like, what the fuck was that?

And then some people had an answer for what the fuck it was. Would you fuck one of those if it was drugged up and it wouldn't bite you? Probably. Frogs figured it out. If it was really drugged up. Have you ever seen people fuck frogs? What am I saying? Yeah, I've seen the chimps fucking the frogs.

Yeah, I've seen the chimps fucking the frogs. Yeah, that's what I meant. Frog fucking. I can't find... How smart are fucking chimps? If somebody wants to Twitter this while we're live here, if somebody wants to Twitter this, tell me what the fuck that owl is so I can look it up. Because it's not a tawny owl.

It's something else. A tawny owl is just a pretty normal-looking owl. But I know it's some kind of fucking freaky owl that we didn't know existed. All right. All right. Throw that shit up on Twitter, son. How crazy is it that chimps figured out how to fuck frogs?

And chimps are super smart. Chimps smoke cigarettes, man. You ever see that? No, I haven't seen that at all. Chimps smoke cigarettes. You give chimps cigarettes, they like them. You see the video the other day?

It's incredible. Somebody dropped a Game Boy into a chimp cage in San Francisco and there's like video and photos of like just chimps just sitting there playing Game Boy

and like the baby chimp like sitting on the corner watching. God. They're like really, really, really, really, really, really, really stupid people. Yeah. But way stronger and way more violent.

Right. Way more violent. They're like nine-year-olds. We can't even understand how strong they are. Apparently, a 150-pound chimp is as strong as a 500-pound man. Just try to wrap your head around that, what a 500-pound man would feel like. It sounds stupid that there's no way that could be real. It all depends on if it was 500 poundspound man. Just try to wrap your head around that, what a 500-pound man would feel like. It sounds stupid that there's no way that could be real. It all depends on if it was 500 pounds of muscle.

Right. Brock Lesnar, 500 pounds. What's the biggest bodybuilder? Has there been a dude all yoked, no fat, totally shredded, and 400 pounds? I'm sure there must be. Really? Yeah, I would imagine at this point.

But not fat, not powerlifter dudes. I would imagine there's somebody that's doing that. Like the biggest bodybuilder ever. I'm sure. We can find it. We'll Google it. Brian, Google the biggest bodybuilder ever. We're going to find this out, Brian. It's totally possible. Biggest...

The average competitive bodybuilder when they're competing, are they what? 5% body fat? What's the average to be totally ripped? It's got to be really low. It's got to be lower than that. 5%, 2%, 3%? When I was doing Taekwondo and when I was cutting weight,

I was fighting at 140 pounds, and I really didn't weigh 140 pounds, and I was really skinny. I was very thin at the time, too, a very lean, low body fat. I was 4.5% body fat when they told me, like, this is getting kind of low. You can't really get much lower than that and be like competitive in anything well one place says

those guys steer those guys don't do anything though they're not you know you know i'm saying they're just posing so they can get really low like unhealthy low they get to like three percent i think they're like about to pass out yeah they do pass out they pass out all the time those guys are dehydrated as fuck man it's like it looks mean, I'm not into the bodybuilding look. It's a little ridiculous. But, you know, as just an aesthetic, just like looking at it, it's like, wow, look what that guy's done with all his work and sculpted his body.

It's kind of fucking freaky. That's Quincy Taylor. That was 2009's largest one at least. And how much did he weigh? How much did he weigh? 110, no. 340 pounds. Whoa.

With a 5% body fat. Whoa. That's pretty low. That's probably the biggest right there, right? That's pretty big. Well, Bob Sapp was, what, was he like 375? Yeah. He was Bob Sapp at his peak.

He was about 375, 350, but he had a lot of fat. He was never shredded. Well, he wasn't. And when he first came out and fought Noguera, I would not say he had a lot of fat. He was never shredded. When he first came out and fought Noguera, I would not say he had a lot of fat. He wasn't shredded. He had a little bit, but he was so swole, dude. Do you remember how big Bob Sapp was? For people who don't know what we're talking about,

there was a dude who fought out of Seattle, Washington, and he only had a run of only a few years because it was just this chemically-fueled fucking suicide mission. There was no way he could keep it up. There was no way. No way he could be that big for that many years.

How long can you keep that up? He was a fucking nightmare for a while. 375. 18 months. It was a Bob Sapp going to take over the world. He was so big he crushed Ernesto Hoost twice in a kickboxing match. Straight kickboxing, he beat Ernesto Hoost twice in a kickboxing match. Straight kickboxing he beat Ernesto Hoost. That's how strong he was. His sheer

might was enough to bully Hoost into a corner and just smash him. He was more feared than Brock Lesnar is today. Yeah, he was so terrified. Even before that Carwin fight, he was feared. And it was cool because he would lose. You know, he would come really close to smashing guys like Noguera, and then he would gas out.

Noguera got that armbar. You're like, oh, shit. What happened? That Noguera fight. Remember, we watched it here. We had a party here. Yes. And we were all at Larry's house.

It was at Larry's house. It was at Larry's house. We were watching this shit live. And right when that started, I was just, no way. Right when he was getting his ass kicked at the first 45 seconds, I'm like, no way. Noguera's going to win. He's too big. He's too big. He's done. He's too big. way he right when he was getting his ass kicked at the first 45 seconds i'm like no way no gara's gonna win he's too big he's too big he's done he's too big i said that like 50 times he's just

too big we were freaking out it was the craziest fight ever because here no gara was the pride champion at the time you know and no gara back then was the number one heavyweight in the world nobody had beaten him yet he was he was strangling everybody in the jiu-jitsu community fucking loved him he was trying to resist exactly he was this guy who was a big heavyweight 230 240 pounds and him yet. He was strangling everybody and the jiu-jitsu community fucking loved him. He was triangling people. Exactly. He was this guy who was a big heavyweight, 230, 240 pounds, and he was strangling high-level wrestlers like Mark Coleman off his back. Yeah, Noguera was the

first big guy to have a very dangerous guard. Yeah, he started jacking high-level guys. He was the first dude. And he could take it. He could take it, son. Noguera was the jiu-jitsu savior. How about Noguera was the jiu-jitsu savior. How about Noguera-Krokop? How about that fight?

Takes it for that first round. Takes it. Takes it. Where'd he brought it? He took. This is a 10-minute round, bro. The pride system is a 10-minute round. Wasn't unusual rules, was it?

That was a regular 10-minute round, right? Yep. And Noguera, before Noguera busted out, the general consensus in the MMA community was the guard ain't shit no more. Yeah, you can't tap guys off your back. People were still saying that. People believed that. People believed that the guard is dead.

People actually said that and they believed it in a large percentage of the population. Did you see the WEC? Yes. Dude, Anthony Pettis. Anthony Pettis is a bad motherfucker. How about those Jackie Chan kicks? He touches the ground. He's doing Jet Li in the cage.

It's incredible. He does what's effective that a lot of guys don't like to do. It's that double roundhouse kick. Shogun does that sometimes. You've seen me do that. That's the craziest shit. That's a Taekwondo move. That's an old school.

A lot of styles have it. But that's always thought to be really flashy. But it's kind of high percentage if you can touch him with the first kick. If you hit the guy with the first kick, the second kick is right there. It's just most guys don't want to do that in MMA because they're going to get taken down. That guy doesn't give a fuck. Anthony Pettis is amazing. His fucking guard is so nasty.

It's so quick. Like how he throws up that triangle. Every time Shane Roller had his arm in there, Pettis threatened with a triangle. Real tight. Real tight. And Shane Roller had his arm in there, Pettis threatened with a triangle. Real tight. Real tight. And Shane Roller is no joke. No joke. Strong as fuck.

And Shane Roller tested him, too. He clipped him a couple hard times and chased him down. But Pettis kept his shit together. Fought smart. Didn't get in any silly brawls. When he got tagged, he moved away. That was a great fight. They didn't show it on the card, but it was on the undercard.

I don't know why they didn't show it. Javi Vasquez against the Mackins. What happened? I don't even know what happened. Dude, Javi Vasquez is going to tear some ass. I'm telling you. He's so sick. He's going to tear some ass.

Javi Vasquez and me grew up in the Southern California jiu-jitsu scene. He was the most feared guy in my division, in my category. We were rivals. I went against him four times, and he beat me all four times. He was amazing. And one of those four times, though, I think I won. You know, it's the match on my DVD. But he technically won on points, but whatever.

But anyways, I always knew. I knew everything about him. Explain. What do you mean? Why did you think he won when he won? Anyways, I always knew. I knew everything about him. Explain.

What do you mean? Why did you think he won when he won? Well, that was the match where I pull guard, and he passes my guard and puts the knee on the belly. So that was 5-0 right away. And then I recovered guard. Then I put him right into the truck. Now he's caught in the twister. You know, I was, he was up 5-0, but I'm in the truck.

So you had him in the, for folks who don't know, when you're in the truck, when you're in the twister, you've got the guy in a very vulnerable situation. It's the position. It's like there's a few positions in jiu-jitsu where you're in a lot of trouble. When a guy has your back, when a guy has your mount, for anybody who doesn't know jiu-jitsu. But one of them that's really weird is this position called the – it's originally the guillotine from wrestling, right? Yes. But Eddie has turned it into a pretty high percentage submission move

for guys who don't understand the position. Javi understands the position, but the referees and the rules were not set up to think that that was a dangerous spot. Exactly. And so he's up 5-0 because he passed my guard and put me on the belt. Right.

And then I, from him passing, he overcommitted. I took, I went, put one hook in, ended up in the truck. How many times does a guy have to get tapped in that position before they recognize that that's a dangerous position for someone to be in if i'm trying to get to someone i'm trying to get to a position that we call a 10th planet jiu-jitsu we call the truck and this is a step right before you lock a guy up in a twister how many times do guys have to get tapped from that spot before they recognize that or do you think that if there's like a lot of like old school shit going on where they don't want to add any new dangerous positions

it takes a lot of time to add the truck to your game and to master it it takes a lot of time you're gonna have the only way you're gonna master it is if for some personal reason you fall in love with it and you just attach yourself to it and you just want to do it? Or you've got to have an instructor shoving it down your throat in a curriculum that eventually he understands is all about numbers. That's for someone developing. But what I'm talking about incorporating it into like if you have a jiu-jitsu competition, why do they not recognize that position as an interest position? Because not enough people are doing it? But still, if you explain to them what you're trying to do, it seems like the jiu-jitsu community should be the most open-minded.

They don't understand the position. They don't understand. Well, that's silly, right? Not that many people are doing it. That's what I was talking about. Very few people are good at it. But if you do spend the time. But it's commonly acknowledged at this point that's a significant submission move.

That's a real move. Everybody knows a twister's a real move. You know what? It's starting to get legit now because Katsumura in Japan, he just twistered somebody. There have been four or five twisters, I think, now in MMA.

I think everybody's kind of acknowledged that it's a real position. Yeah. And once you acknowledge that it's a real position, it's like, here's another one. How about when Matt Hughes got Ricardo Almeida in that Schultz headlock? You saw that, right? Yeah. And put him to sleep. acknowledge it's a real position it's like here's another one how about when matt hughes got ricardo

almeida in that um that schultz headlock you saw that right and put him asleep we talked about that now if a guy gets that now that head and arm if he knows that position he's like at a near submission he if he's like a matt hughes type character that was never like a near submission position that was like a position of control that front headlock well like there's a lot of things you could do there front headlock i mean you could switch to that front headlock. Well, there's a lot of things you could do there. Front headlock, I mean, you could switch to... Sure, darts and anaconda, yeah. There's a lot of shit there, but that's a new one.

But again, for that move to really take off, I mean, you're seeing it. You're a smart guy. You see it. It's legit. But to get to that legitimacy personally with that move is going to take a lot of practice.

And people, especially MMA fighters, they just don't have the time to add, to spend, to add new techniques to their arsenal. Because they're always training for fights. Yeah, they got to do kickboxing. They got to run. They got to slam tires with sledgehammers. They got to roll up hills.

They got to drag logs. All that shit. To add a new system to your ground game, you're going to have to find some time. And 20 minutes a day, an hour a week, week maybe they're just not doing it that's all just yeah i talked to jake shields about this we had a long interview for that thing i'm doing for ufc.com it's a thing called uh ufc ultimate insider and uh it's me interviewing a lot of guys this week it's dana white next week it's james tony now that one was fucking hilarious but um interviewing jake shields we talked about the idea of a specialist we talked about the and i said that he you know he's a specialist you know anderson silva's

specialist crow cops specialist these guys who are really really good at one thing and then they start learning the rest of the things you know and he said that he believes that that's the best way to go what do you think about that what's the best way to go to be a specialist to be awesome at one thing instead of trying to learn mixed martial arts learn jiu-jitsu learn kickboxing learn wrestling find one thing get awesome at it what you want to do i mean are you trying to raise a kid to become an mma fighter are you 30 years old and do you just want to do like no no no no what i'm talking about is what he was talking about for mma for mma okay is that he believes that the best way to go is to be a specialist or something

he's like the level of jiu jitsu that I'm at is what he said it's like you know it's going to take these guys they're not going to reach that level

is basically what he was saying with regular training they're not going to reach that level so if it turns into a ground game he's always going to be able to dominate them

and you know with a Jake Shields style Jake Shields is a he's a powerful fucking dude and if he gets guys down in a nasty position, he can squash people. He's a powerful motherfucker. The difference between Jake Shields and other wrestlers that we've seen come and go is that he got really good at passing the guard and getting to the mount

and getting to the back and mastering chokes. He understood that that's the way you're going to survive in this sport. You could be a wrestler, and you've been an All-American every goddamn year, maybe a champ every goddamn year. If you don't learn how to submit people and pass the guard, you will never survive. If you don't learn how to pass the guard, you will never survive. If you're an MMA fighter, if you're not doing what george saint

pierre is doing if that that is the ultimate game plan he trains in the ultimate optimal way you know you gotta if you're a wrestler if you're a wrestler a college wrestler and you're not doing what gsp is doing after the takedown you're never gonna make it look at gsp there's a school of thought like a tito ortiz school of thought where Tito just stays in guys' guard and smashes them from that position. And he's really good at it. As far as guys who are good at beating guys up in the guard, like Prime, Tito in his Prime, he's one of the very best at that. It's very hard.

But if you look at, Tito's a bad motherfucker. But if you look at his fights, he's not grounding and pounding anybody. And his last, that hasn't worked. It doesn't work today. He's had some real issues with his health. I mean, who knows how he's going to be when he comes back. For me, again...

What about Chael Sonnen and Anderson Silva? There's a perfect example. Part two or one? The fight. Yes, that's a perfect example. Yeah, he lingered in the garden. He didn't pass.

If Chael Sonnen's been in the game at least eight years, from day one, if he would have just fell in love with the art of passing passing it's just like the art of takedowns let me let me propose this just as a devil's advocate what about guys who say that you know a guy's guard like anderson silver was a very very difficult guard to pass and chael was

pushing a fucking pretty furious pace what if he was thinking that this would just expend too much energy and worried about getting caught so he's not even going to try to pass he's just going to hold him down try to beat him up until he finds his opening. Well, if you're asking what his strategy should have been, at what point, and how much training. Like, if he would have actually worked on his passing and mastered the

passing, and he's been doing it for five years, if he's been working and mastering passing for five years, I'd go, dude, pass his guard. But if he says, I'm about to fight Anderson Silva, I haven't really been working on passing. I'm like, stay in his guard. If you try to pass, you'll probably fuck up. If you can stay in half guard, just stay there. I wouldn't advise

someone to pass if they weren't good at it. Right, but just for MMA, just for the sake of arguing, you get a guy like Chael Sonnen, who's this badass wrestler, who's a powerhouse, one of the very best guys at taking dudes down, and beats a lot of guys up. That first round, he stayed inside Anderson's guard, and he beat him up. He beat him up from inside there. He was a powerhouse. One of the very best guys at taking dudes down and beats a lot of guys up. Like that first round, he stayed inside Anderson's guard and he beat him up.

He beat him up from inside there. He worked him over and he's really good at that. What if he thinks that he's good enough at defending and he fucked up and made a mistake, but he's good enough at defending to do that to the very best in the world and he's got it down right now. He knows what he's doing right now. When he starts adding

a bunch of stuff to it, like passing, he's worried about maybe this will take too much energy. I mean, just devil's advocate. Again. It's a five-round fight. Again. He hasn't been working on his. This is what I would do.

I'd go, you know what? A rematch is coming up within six months, eight months' time. Maybe a year. Whatever it is. Whatever it is. Well, if ever. We don't really know if they're going to have a rematch. Yeah.

Well, they might they might not have it okay let's assume you have to prepare for it because he's out there people want to see it so you would say

you've got to work on passing your guard if you were passing the guard like now and then by the time the fight happened I would analyze

his passing and if his passing was still lacking within a year I'd go okay just do the same shit you did last time. We'll try to pull it off. So your thought is that anybody who's as good as Chael Sonnen is at wrestling could get that good at jujitsu and be even more dominant. Just be a

guy who could, if he could hold you down to your guard, he could really mount you too. He could really take your back too. Look what GSP is doing after the takedown. Look what Jake Shields is doing after the takedown. And look what Shields is doing after the takedown. And look what, you know, even, then there's wrestlers that got really good at passing the guard, got really good at getting to the mount, but they haven't really mastered any submissions yet. And that, well, maybe now, today, yes, but so far, you know,

Sean Shirk is one of the best passers in MMA. That motherfucker was slicing through Black Belt's guards. He's a great passer. He just needs to develop more go-to chokes. Real simple. That could happen. He just got to put the time. John Fitch, same thing. John Fitch is at the stage of his development where he's getting really good at passing

and getting the back and getting them out. He just needs to keep going, keep working. You're almost there. get two or three moves put a thousand reps in each and boom they're in your they're in your pocket it's science well i think he is doing that i think he is doing yeah he's just he's developing better at everything yeah yeah eventually you're gonna see john fitch have one or two really good submissions that he's killing people with and then you're like damn he's it's it's coming along he's gonna jake shield is

already there he's gonna be breaking guys too. Jake Shield is the furthest wrestler so far right now in MMA. All the wrestlers. Jake has not only mastered passing, but Jake gets to the back beautifully, gets to the mount beautifully, and has some go-to shit. His guillotines are badass. He's got, I mean, dorses from hell. He does that crazy one arm guillotine

where you grab the guy's chin and you post out in front of his head and you pull it up that's Tito Ortiz used that way back on Yuki Kondo remember that

and then Jake is still looking to expand his game because even at the at the point where Jake is the future is going to be Jake standard after people see it

that's going to be the standard and the people that are going to pop through are the ones that not only have jake shields but then they got like seven eight other little transitions that end up in kills too you know that's the future these kids that are training now like those ruffo brothers holy shit those are like rory mcdonald's like there's a there's a perfect example there's a dude who grew up doing mixed martial arts now. Yeah, there's a lot of kids right now.

Like Tori, Victor's son. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. Tori Davila. Yeah, Victor Davila, the guy who's the, he does my job for the Spanish broadcast. He's the coolest fucking guy. He has three sons. One of them is named Vanderlei.

He's the Spanish Joe Rogan. One of them is named Vanderlei. His name is Victor. He's one of the greatest guys on the planet. He's one of them is named vanderley he's the spanish joe rogan one of them is named vanderley his name is victor he's one of the greatest he's one of the greatest guys ever his sons are awesome they're just they just worship mma he's got one 10 year old son tori and then he's got two younger sons like three and four they're real real young but they before they could walk they were already throwing combinations he is raising three killers. And Dory, holy shit, he's 10. I'm talking to a 10-year-old, and he's breaking down other people's performance

and how, like at tournaments, he's breaking down other people's performances, how they missed the electric chair, why the old school didn't work. He's pointed it out. Electric chair and old school are all techniques. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sitting there having a philosophical conversation with a 10-year-old.

Well, he's a very good father, and he's there all the time with his kids, and he's genuinely enthusiastic about his kids. He takes his son all over the place. He's a super fucking cool human being. I had a great time with that guy. And that's when I got really into Mexico. When I got really into all this border violence, when I really, really got into it

was talking to to him because when we first met him he was uh victor was living in juarez which is like the bad town the bad border town and he said it was horrifying they used to have to drive at night with their dome light on so that people can see inside your car and they know there's no no enemy in your car because there's just all this drug violence back and forth. He said it was terrifying. Yeah. And it took him a long time to get to the United States, to get to move here, to work for the UFC. He was like working for the UFC and then going back to Juarez, just fearing for his life.

Yeah. Like so close to like the perfect fucking gig ever. He's a guy who's a huge mixed martial arts fan. Well, he's fought 10 times. He's an MMA fighter. MMA ever. He's a guy who's a huge mixed martial arts fan. Coolest fucking guy in the world. He's fought 10 times. He's an MMA fighter. MMA fighter. He's good.

Had his martial arts school in Mexico. And he's rolled at Eddie's gym a gang of times. He's opening up 10th Planet in El Paso, Texas. That's the Spanish. Joe Rogan is going to be the head instructor to 10th Planet El Paso. That's in the works right now. He's looking for spots.

You could not meet a nicer human being. And this guy was living, when we met him, he was living in a war zone, essentially. He was living in the middle of a drug war zone. He's an excellent teacher. He translated for me in Argentina when I did a few seminars down there.

We worked together like fucking Abbott and Costello, man. It was just fucking perfect. That's awesome. You know, because my Spanish sucks. I need that. I would throw occasional spanish here and there but i didn't want i didn't want to go too deep and sound like an idiot so i kept it english but victor was right there was like man we worked together like a broadcast team was like not stepping over each other he knew the the punctual he would add some shit that i missed that i would hear him like damn dude he's a bad motherfucker man but sons, he's raising some nightmares.

Yeah, but very respectful and very cool. They're not going to be thugs. They're just going to be little killers. He's just such a nice guy. And that's one of the coolest things about this job, working for the UFC. We work with so many cool people, man. Those road trips are fun as fuck.

Oh, yeah. It's a giant family of like 100 ufc employees yeah and they're everywhere you go like the story is i mean there's the in the cage everybody sees in the cage but there's so much shit going on and around the ufc the production and all the different people that work for the show i like when they argue with each other i'm on nine i'm on line right now. What the fuck? You get your shit together. We go in five. I love that shit.

I love it when the producer, Bruce Connell, and or the director, Anthony Giordano, when they, you miss the fuck. When they start fucking with Goldie?

No, when they start yelling at each other. Oh really? That's hilarious. I know when they fuck with Goldie because sometimes I hear Goldie literally next to me

even though he's pressing the direct line. I can hear his voice. Yeah. Because he's going, oh, you fucking told me. I'm here right now. What the fuck?

Oh, yeah. I love those arguments. I just sit in the back just dying of laughter. It's hilarious. But everybody's friendly. They're like little wives and husbands bitching at each other, but they love each other.

Oh, yeah. Super, super cool relationship. There's no one that goes, is this fucking guys here again? There's not one guy like that everyone's super fucking cool the whole crew is awesome everybody all those guys in the production it's the greatest traveling road road show ever i mean we're like it's like a carnival you know it's like a traveling carnival now it used to be a vegas thing for the longest time we were doing most of them in vegas yeah man

i i can't believe that uh i I almost walked away from it. Almost. I'm glad you didn't. What Eddie does, if you don't know, is Eddie, when the fights are going on, there's always like a really important positional move that we want to show in the replay. Transition. Transition. Setups. Could be striking, too, because you do that, too, right?

You don't just do. The striking, they don't need me for the striking. I'll add my two cents on different angles, but they don't need me for the striking i'll add my two cents on different angles but they don't need me well it's just the ground stuff but if you watch like the one that he wasn't at was the one where brock lesnar fought shane carwin and the truck missed this really important transition they missed him getting out of the half guard and going this is when this is when i quit initially i've been i worked for the ufc for seven years it's been wonderful i love everybody dana lorenzo frank their kids, everybody. I love them to death.

They are the greatest motherfuckers on the planet for doing what they did for MMA in my life. I've been working with them for seven years. You know, and then I thought it was time

to move on and I thought it was time to leave the production truck and start cornering my fighters. Well, you were just getting tired. Yeah. I just wanted to corner, you know, it's time.

I had guys in the main card and they started blowing up and I'm like, shit. I gotta help them. Well, we found a way to let you do both, which is really the ideal thing. So I quit for one show. But the playback, the replays, they were

missing a lot of the transitions. If you don't understand Jiu-Jitsu, if you don't know it, then you're not going to be able to pick up what was important about a series of moves all you're going to see is oh here's the checkmate but there's all this shit that's going on before the checkmate and that's like what makes mma so interesting you know yeah you see like a guy setting a guy up for something you see a guy goes for the single and he grabs his leg and this is where he fucked up he got his arm through and here's he cinches it and he rolls into the you know the gator roll whatever whatever the technique you're looking at.

What's cool is to be able to see all the steps, especially when it's a difficult path, to see all the cool steps that the guy had to get through to get to what the final submission is. Before I started supervising the replays, if someone got caught in a triangle, that's a submission move, the replay would be the guy tapping in the triangle and i just got used to watching the ufc i would just rewind it you know if you want to see the

setup you can't wait for the replay you got to rewind it manually and check out the setup but when i started you know the guys in the truck they're awesome guys they just don't train jujitsu they just they're just not they just don't understand yeah and like other sports i mean you know like if you're watching a boxing match, you really need to see the combination that finished the guy off. That's what you need to see. Yeah. Well, jiu-jitsu, it's like you're never sure where to start it.

You know, does he start it here? Well, here's where he ends it, so let's just do it a couple seconds before that, and then show the ending. Yeah. Jiu-jitsu, for people who don't know, it's one of the most interesting things to try to learn and get good at because it's one of the most interesting things to to try to learn and get good at because it's one of the most humbling things where you realize that no matter what you do you're never going to know it all it's impossible like you can think you know all the

punches in the world you know you can box and you know you you know there's only a certain amount of ways you can move your hands when you're hitting things with your knuckles you know there's a there's a finite number and there's a bunch of different combinations and a bunch of different ways to set people up and to hit people with things that they're not expecting i mean there's no no taking away from the art of boxing but what jujitsu is it's so weird it's like there's so many positions to fuck somebody up there's so many ways to choke somebody to take an arm to fuck their leg up to there's so many different counters there's so many different positions it's really never ending and that sounds's so many different positions. It's really never-ending.

And that sounds ridiculous when you tell people that it's never-ending. But there's always new moves. I've been doing jiu-jitsu now since 98. And there's always, there's shit now that nobody had then. Nobody was doing any of this. It's always changing. It's always evolving. Yeah. It really is like chess.

It really is like a game of chess where you're trying to kill each other. It's like chess, but like the chess board was alive and grew and it changed and it always changed. The shapes and the powers of the different pieces always change and it's growing in different directions.

That's what jiu-jitsu is like. Yeah, that's also... That makes sense for me. It does make sense because it's like, it's super tactical. Because chess never changes, right? Yeah, you might go roll with some big giant wrestler dude,

you got to roll a totally different game. You know, you go against some Jeff Glover character and you got to watch your P's and Q's and the next thing

you're going with some big giant gorilla guy and you kind of try to figure out how to attack him off your back. It's totally different moves, totally different people. Is there new,

is there new moves in the actual world of chess? No. Is there new moves? Can't new ones come up? No. There's like certain laws. It's like poker, right? There's no new moves in poker. There's no new moves, but there's strategies. I think they're creative with their strategies, aren't they? I don't know

chess enough to understand how many different moves there are, but I understand there's like thousands, if not millions. Is there different? Is there like newer forms of chess? Like it's like chess, but it's different and the pieces have different powers or whatever? No, no. It's always the same? It's never like a different form of chess?

It doesn't have really a Chinese checkers version of chess, really. Or Chinese chess? I wonder if there's Chinese chess. Maybe it's chess times 100. Like it's super crazy and super technical. I watched a video once where a dude was in a whole room. He's that guy that runs that website with Marcelo Garcia.

Marcelo Garcia has that website with that guy Josh. I forget his last name. Something Fisher? Well, he was in the movie searching for Bobby Fisher. It was based on his life. I forget Josh's last name.

Forgive me. But he's a brown belt under Marcelo and he's fanatical about jiu-jitsu and he talks about jiu-jitsu. He was a chess master. So he talks about jiu-jitsu the same way he talks about chess. And he was talking about playing chess that one time he did a demonstration

where he played 40 fucking games at the same time. There's all these people in a room. I think it was 40. Forgive me if I have the wrong number. That's incredible. But a bunch of different games all together. I believe he said it was 40. And he was wandering around this room

playing all these games. Like he would move to the next table, make his move, move to the next table, make his move. And he said that all these things just kind of flowed together and it all became one giant big game. So yeah, that's your answer. Yeah, you can play 40 fucking different people.

Yeah, you start stacking your chess games. That's a dude who's taking it to another level. He was talking, my brain just started hurting. I just wanted to take a nap. I was listening to him talk about it. I was like, I just wanted to take a nap. I was listening to him talk about it. I was like, I just want to take a nap. I bet that dude has bad breath. I bet he doesn't. I bet he's fucking perfect.

That guy's a genius. I bet he brushes and flosses. He never skips a day. And he's becoming a jiu-jitsu master now, too. He's obsessed with jiu-jitsu. It's fascinating. Can I plug? Is it a good time to plug my seminar?

Yeah, where's your seminar? My next seminar is in Rochester. It's going to be at 10th Planet Rochester. The name of the MMA Academy is Empire. September 18th, Saturday. My new website's up and running, 10thPlanetJJ.com Free techniques till October 1st. All the techniques

for free. The whole world can have them. Everything that's on the website. That's till October 1st. That the techniques for free. The whole world can have them. Everything that's on the website. So that's till October 1st. That's about it for me. This website or this podcast is always a strange podcast for people who don't know anything about MMA or jiu-jitsu. And we get into these conversations like the ham sandwich and the truck and the douche bag.

These are all jiu-jitsu moves. One of the funniest things about training at 10th Planet is all the moves, almost all of them, are ridiculously named. I mean, some of them make sense. Yeah, we have quite a few ridiculous names. Some names that I'm going to shame. Crackhead control.

I'm like, anytime someone says it, I'm like, damn it. Well, there's crackhead control, which has come up in the WEC. Frank Muir had to call it crackhead control. Did he? Yeah, he called it. He said, this is what Eddie Bravo refers to as crackhead control. Why is crackhead control so bad of a name?

Well, how about when I said rape choke? That's way worse. When I said rape choke, everybody got upset. But that's what it is. Why is anything upsetting if that's what it is? Crackhead control, the reason why we call it the crackhead control is the idea was that it's a very good position from the bottom where you've got the guy tied up good and proper. was it's a good position that you'd want to be in

if there's a crazy crackhead trying to beat the fuck out of you because when you lock him up in crackhead control he really doesn't have any options to be you can't move he's completely helpless so that's why i was he's tied up tight so we call it crackhead control and then there's retard control if the crackhead control ain't working, right? Retard control and crackhead control probably around the same. It's equal. But you used to think that retard was better because of a gable grip? Maybe. You know what? I should test it.

I should test it. There's a move that's going to get done in the octagon eventually called the douchebag and it's one of the best ways to take a guy's arm when you're in what we call the spider web. When you're in side mount on a guy and you're trying to attack his arm and you got an arm and you're lying on your back and he's on his back

and you can't get his arm straightened out. There's this awesome move called the douche bag where you take your foot and you stick it in the dude's face like a douche bag would. Right on his neck. And then you pop it out. And it works great.

And eventually people are going to figure it out. Yeah, super high percentage. And we were going to see a douche bag in MMA. And you know it. Before it even happens, I'm going to have to say this is, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Hide your kids. This is called the douchebag.

That's what it is. It's funny that douchebag is a bad word. It's hilarious. Is it? Well, it's kind of unpleasant. It's considered a bad word. It's a vagina cleansing device. Yeah, but what's that?

Who wants to clean someone's old pussy? What's that offending? Douches? Yeah. Well, it offends women. There's douche commercials, right? I think it offends some women. Wow, so...

Some women just don't want you talking about vaginas, period. Dudes are very rarely upset when chicks are talking about dicks and dick products. And even if you're making fun of the size of dicks, dudes don't get upset. But any conversation that a man has about a woman's vagina, it better either be technical, he better be the father of her children, you know what I'm'm saying like you can't just talk about chicks pussies so you call a douchebag that's something that cleans out a pussy that's a fucking terrible insult don't talk about my emptiness be quiet all the vagina is just empty there's no sack there's no ball there's a hole empty that's a terrible way to look at it emptiness's emptiness no it's enveloping it's just love

covering your cock it's nothing it's not nothing it's getting rid of the nothing it's closing in on the dick it's not nothing that's a very significant thing it's a trap

it needs that space it's like a Venus fly trap there will be no space once the union is made that's why a girl with an excellent pussy is always going to need a dick dude that was beautiful dude

thank you have you ever put a balloon we're like, definitely. He's definitely standing up for women. Like, I represented the fucking scumbags. Yo, bro, she's not empty, brother. It's not empty. It's a beautiful thing, man.

Oh, girl, like fake poetry on you. It looks like it's empty, but really it's everything. My grandmother raised me, and she's basically my best friend. And I just fucking can't see you talk about women like that, man. Not while she's still alive that was a move that dudes would do where they would would stand up for women just just to be a cunt when it didn't make any sense there was one time where I was at a bar with a couple comics and this one dude who wasn't very funny but he was very self-righteous these girls

were drunk as fuck and they were just being really loud and obnoxious at the comedy show and then they decided to drive home and I'm like like, oh, check out these fucking pigs. That's what I said. That's what I felt. I felt like they were pigs. They were loud, angry, mean chicks heckling at the comedy show. And then they were getting in a car to drive home. The guy's like, hey, man, I don't want to be around you if you want to talk about women like that.

I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm not talking about women in general. I'm talking about these three shitty human beings that have been yelling and they're drunk as fuck now they're gonna drive and maybe slam into a fucking family and you know blow a car up they were heckling and you smashed them oh yeah well i don't remember if i smashed them because these are the early days of my my heckling my heckling skills were not that good back then this is 1991 90 91 i'd only been doing comedy a couple years. What do you personally think about Chael Sonnen's ability to talk shit? Fucking unprecedented. Really?

I've never seen a professional athlete talk as much shit, get me to laugh as much. Chael Sonnen made me laugh more than 90% of the comedians I know. When he would start talking shit. How about when fucking Jim Rome? Chael Sonnen says that he thinks that lamb lance armstrong took drugs and he cheated and you know he took steroids and that's why he lost his ball to cancer so he realizes after he said that he's probably shouldn't have said that he's saying

all kinds of crazy shit to get attention and it's a fucking genius ploy i mean the guy's a smart dude all right he's running he he runs for office as a republican he says crazy shit like you know i'm a republican and i don't lie on my back when a man between my Republican. He says crazy shit like, you know, I'm a Republican, and I don't lie on my back when a man between my legs. Like, he says crazy shit like that, and it's funny. So anyway, he says all this shit about Lance Armstrong, and then he realizes, fuck, what do I do? What do I do?

So he brainstorms and says, I'm just going to deny it. So he gets on Jim Rome Show, and he goes, I did not say that. Lance Armstrong and I, I've known Lance. I worked out with Lance at the Nike training facility. And so then he plays him for the fucking tape. And Shale Sonny goes, maybe I have a bad connection, but that doesn't sound like me. That fella sounded Hispanic.

It's fucking hilarious. He's a crusher. Dude, when he gets up and does those question and answer things, nobody's better than him. He's got prepared material. He's good. Wow. He's a fucking genius, man. He's the best shit talker ever. If he won,

God damn, that guy would be rich as fuck. That guy as the UFC middleweight champion would be the richest, the biggest draw in all of MMA because no one can talk shit like him. Look, Brock Lesnar's always gonna be the biggest just because he's Brock Lesnar.

He's just fucking larger than life, monster character. But Chael Sonnen would be right up there with all those Sarah Palin douchebags, all those fucking crazy tea party assholes. You think he's a better shit talker than you? I would hate it if I had to go into a shit talking contest with Chael Sonnen. I was like, damn, this

might get ugly. You gotta battle. You gotta battle. I'm like, wow. This would be, I don't know, man. I wouldn't like it. I don't like it. That's a tough fight. I wouldn't like it. Is there a sport like that That's a tough fight. I wouldn't like it. Is there a sport like that where you just talk shit on someone?

You just come at them. You just come at them. You can't hurt someone. You can't hurt someone who knows themselves. Like real shit. Like a Yo Mama show, but you really got into it.

What shit talking really is is calling somebody out on something or getting somebody on some shit that they're not addressing. But if you're addressing everything and you're honest, it's very hard to talk shit on someone who's pretty honest about themselves. Because if you talk shit on a good comic, talk shit on a Doug Stanhope or something

like that, Doug will tell you what's wrong with him a hundred times worse than you could ever tell him what's wrong with you. And then he'll fuck with you. If you pick on Doug about being an alcoholic. Doug will go deep into how fucking crazy he is, deep into what's wrong with being an alcoholic, deep into how weak he feels when he takes that sixth beer of the morning. He'll go deep into it, and then he'll turn on you. You're fucked because he just took away.

You're not going to say anything better than what he said about himself, and then he's going to shred you because he's 100 times smarter than you, and he's done this every day of his life for the last 20 years it's really like doing jujitsu against a white belt it's like ever take a break i don't think he's a monster doug's yeah he takes little breaks he goes to bisbee he's been talking about moving to austin texas we're talking about doug stanhope fantastic comedian and good friend of mine and we were co-hosts on one of the worst shows on television the second version of the man Show. A couple haters on the internet were on a thread about my website or something like that, and one guy comes on and says,

why don't you post his match with Leo Vieira to watch a real ass whipping or something like that? How come he doesn't post that? Oh, this is your match with Leo Vieira. Yeah, and I'm like, dude, why don't you check out the intro to my DVD? I show me getting fucked up. I put it on my intro, dude. Why don't you watch that? intro to my DVD? I show me getting fucked up. I put it on my intro, dude. Why don't you watch that?

That's funny. How many people do that? Draculino, speaking of which, is fighting tonight. He's on the Strikeforce. Oh, shit. Nice. Yeah, he's making a comeback. How old's that dude?

You know what? I didn't even know. I heard about Draculino my whole jujitsu career. He's like John Jock's age. No, he's like 42 or something. He's not that old. Okay. How old's John Jock?

Yeah, I guess John Jock's about 42 as well. I don't know who the hell he was. It's cool seeing all these old school jujitsu guys. It's cool seeing all these good guys. Oh, and you know what? Who the fuck? There's another fight that just got announced that it's a fucking awesome fight. Efrain Escudero is fighting that sick jujitsu kid.

Who's that kid who just fought recently on Versus? The Brazilian, really young kid, 20 years old, hot. I don't know who this is. Some of you fucks out there in La La Land, you know who it is. Put that shit up on Twitter. You'll call him Dr. Jones. I don't know what the guy's name was. But anyway, he's going to fight Efrain in Austin, Texas.

UFC Spike Night in Austin. Yeah, there's going to fight Efrain in Austin, Texas. UFC Spike Knight in Austin. Yeah, there's a couple new Brazilians coming up on the prelims that people don't get to watch generally. Sometimes they throw them up. But I know what you're talking about. There's a couple lightweight Brazilians that are on fire right now. I forget their names, though. Yeah, I forget the dude's name.

I think one is like Charles Oliveira. Yes, that is it. That dude, okay. That's exactly the kid we're talking about. And he submitted. Who the hell did he submit? I forget. The guy was good, though.

He locked him up quick. Anyway. Dude, I'm the worst fucking, the worst. There's so many different names. There's so many different dudes. I want to give a quick shout out to Matt Horowitz for choking out Talos Latos last week. For those of you who missed it, it was the biggest win of his career.

Nobody deserves it more than Matt. He works harder than anybody I know. And he has, you know, no one has an open mind like Matt Horowitz. So I love you, man. If you don't know who Matt Horowitz is, Matt Horowitz is one of the weirdest guys ever that's fighting. And he was in the UFC for a bit

and lost a couple of squeaky close decisions and got the boot. But he's just the strangest, coolest, nicest, friendliest guy. And every time you talk to him, he's like, well, the universe is a beautiful place and stars and galaxies are all connected together in one timely pulse, all bringing us closer to love and to the future. Yeah.

And you're like, oh, okay. All right, man. But he believes it. He says shit like that. That's really what's on his mind. The universe is a beautiful thing. Who has less ego than that guy? No one.

He has zero ego. And his ground, I mean, his standup needs a lot of work still, but his wrestling and his jiu-jitsu especially is looking dangerous as hell. To do what he did to Talos Leitos, not just to catch him and take his back and strangle him, but to put him in bad positions over and over again and survive when he was in that arm triangle.

He had his back a couple times. He had him in ju-claw. He did great. I think Talos Leitos did not expect him to be that good on the ground. I think he underestimated how good his ground game is. I think he looked at some other fights and he thought he was going to be able to stalemate with him in the ground. But, you know, Horwich just attacks. He attacks.

His fucking guard looks so good, man. When he went to the hazelet, which is the move off the omoplata, which is a shoulder lock. Rolling with him is amazing. He calls out, like in every position, he'll call out and he'll talk about what's going on in the position, what he should do, and what I'm going to do. He goes, well, right now he's got me in crackhead control. He's trying to get my hand to the mat.

Oh, the zombie worked, and now he's probably going to try to clear my neck and get me into invisible call. I should probably keep my posture up. I mean, he'll narrate the whole role. It's incredible. Yeah, he's a— He does that all the time.

I want to give a shout-out to the frogmouth owl. The frogmouth. Did you find it? Yeah, it's the papon frogmouth. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Did you get a picture of it? P-A-P-U-A-N.

P-A-P-U-A-N. Thismouth. P-A-P-U-A-N. This is what we were talking about early in the show, ladies and gentlemen, this fucking Mexican witch. P-U what? P-A-P-U-A-N. Frogmouth.

So if I can give a shout out to Tyrone, too. What does that mean? Tyrone. Oh, well, here's the thing. Okay, it doesn't really look like that no not really i mean it looks weird but it doesn't look nearly as weird as the one that was in that video look this just looks like a fucked up looking owl

maybe the one was just an extreme version of it yeah it's kind of like i don't know if you saw that picture that's floating around right now of a pig that looks like the face has gotten in a car accident, but that's actually what the face looks like. Speaking of car accident, Heidi Montag's plastic surgeon died this week because he was twittering

about his dog, and he fell off a cliff. That was his last twitter. His last quitter. That was his last twitter. Right before he fell off the cliff. Yeah, he was on top of a mountain with his dog, and he took this photo of his dog overlooking this sweet hill on PCH.

And then that was his last Twitter. And then something happened where he fell off the side of the road, probably involving a cell phone. Well, how do you know that it wasn't? Everyone's saying that he was Twittering right when the crash happened, which most likely he was Twittering and he fell off the cliff. You don't just fall off cliffs. The exact quote was moments before he twittered and then they showed that.

So you say no? What are you saying? I don't think he was twittering while he was driving. Fuck yeah he was. What are you talking about? What other explanation do you have for the guy driving off a cliff? It's easy. You're so crazy, Brian.

You just argued that. You don't even have any evidence. Of course he was doing that. What's your evidence? The fucking guy was twittering. No, no, the evidence is that he drove off a cliff. You just argued that. You don't even have any evidence. Of course he was doing that. What's your evidence? That the guy was twittering. No, no. The evidence is that he drove off a cliff.

That's the evidence. The evidence is he twittered when he was in his car. Right. That means he was driving and twittering for sure. Okay. If you're in your car and that's when the twitter goes off and it's right before you crash, the fucking guy was twittering and driving. But he's saying how do you prove that the twitter wasn't right before he got in the car? That's what the news article said.

No, no, I know. So the proof is he drove off the cliff. That's the proof. The proof is he was waiting. And then moments earlier, he was Twittering. Yeah, they put that together like, oh, no shit. Even if making the Twitter didn't cause him to drive off the cliff, the type of person that would be in his fucking car twittering about his dog. That type

of person is not paying attention. And if it's not that, it's going to be something else. It's going to be him trying to make a phone call or him getting a phone call or him changing the station or him looking for something on the navigation system. He's a fucking idiot. Or he was getting a blowjob. You have a lot of hatred for this guy that died

that just might have been twittering. It makes me crazy when I see people texting and Twittering when they're driving. It drives me nuts. Yeah. Some fucking lady did this when she was working for one of the improvs, and she was taking me to the publicity. She was a very nice lady. And in the middle of fucking the highway, this bitch starts steering with her knees two hands on the texting. I go, hey, hey, hey, you got to stop.

Like, you can't do it. She goes, I'm really good at this. I'm like, the fuck you are. The fuck you're really good at this. Like, stop. Pull over. Get me out of the car. There's no way.

You're not paying attention. That's nuts. You're going to have two hands off the fucking steering wheel. You're going to be steering with your knees while you do this? Yeah, you know. She's just touching it with her knuckles. Like, kind of like, sort of steering like this. If you're going to text while you drive,

you've got to do it with one hand. You can't do it. Come on. What the fuck are you thinking? You know what? I'll be honest with you, man. I'll be honest with you. I text through fucking Mulholland, dude.

You know what I mean? Stop doing that, man. Going through Mulholland, stoned as fuck. Stop doing that. I know. I'm just so busy. Listen, this is what you've got to do, man. This is what you've got to do.

This is what I do when I get in my car I throw my fucking phone in the seat I don't even look at that shit and if it rings it goes through the boot to system

if it rings I can press a button and talk to somebody but I don't I don't fuck with it and the reason you're like this in LA it's way different the reason you're like this

probably is because you did it there were times that you did do it and you fucking looked up and you were on the other side of the fucking road no I've never done that you never got it, and you fucking looked up, and you were on the other side of the fucking road. No, I've never done that.

No? You've never got to those points? No, I've never done that, but I don't like the temptation to do it because when I'm at home, and my phone is just sitting there, I don't want to check Twitter, but I'll find myself checking Twitter.

There's a million things that I should be doing, but because I have the access to it, and because it's right there, it's very hard to avoid for me. I'm very indulgent like that, so I don't want to be in my car looking through Twitter. I know me. I would to it. And because it's right there, it's very hard to avoid for me. I'm very indulgent like that. So I don't want to be in my car like looking through Twitter. I know me.

I would do it. I would start replying to people and shit. In Ohio, though, the driving was so boring that you could read a book seriously and drive. Dude, you can never do that because anything can happen.

I try to time it at red lights. Red lights, boom, up Twitter. Well, if you can get one out at a red light, that's totally off the record. As long as you're not doing it while you're actually driving, they'll try to finish the last three words. Just, oh yeah, the last three words. red light, that's totally off the record. As long as you're not doing it while you're actually driving, they'll try to finish the last three words. Just, oh, yeah, the last three words.

We're almost there. We're almost there. And then you're driving. Dude, it's very dangerous. They've got to have voice-activated text. They do. That's the future. They do.

The Android, the new Android system, apparently it works not just for that. It works for navigation. It works for a bunch of different things. You can write notes to yourself. iPhone's going to handle that shit. Maybe. Well, you know what? iPhone does a lot of cool shit that I like.

I like the fact that you can record notes, the little recording icon. What is it called? Can I see yours? Notes. The one that's on the front page. Record. Voice memos. Is that what it is?

Voice memos. And that shit, that's what it is. And voice memos keys up to your computer. So I record shows, and then all I have to do is stick it into my computer. Or keys up to your computer so I record shows and all I have to do is stick it into my computer or if I have an idea I record it on that I stick it into my computer

and I have a record of it and then I back it up with mobile me it's like you can't fuck with that convenience you can make a CD really quick it's the convenience

you could if you wanted to yeah I mean if you wanted to make a really shitty CD and release it for free no no no a CD for your car you know

you could drive around and listen to it unless you got it all MP3'd out. No, Apple does a lot of cool shit. But this Google Android, man, those fucking things

are coming close, man. They've got a lot of cool new features that Apple doesn't have yet. Does iPhone or Apple, do they make like a badass car system that is all...

No, that's a good move, right? How cool would that be? An Apple car stereo? Dude, that would be the shit. Well, you kind of already have one. It's called the iPhone. Yeah, but you can't use that the same way. You can't just poke on it and fire it.

The sound, though. The sound. I mean, you can. You can't just tell it. Like my Lexus, I can just press a button and tell it where I want to go. I could say, you know, Irvine Improv. Well, yeah, using GPS software on the iPhone. I have Navigon where it has like, you know.

Yeah, but you have to touch your phone. All I have to do is touch a button on the steering wheel. If we could get it so that everything was voice operated and you didn't have to take your hand off the steering wheel ever, that would be the move. The problem with the iPhone is you got to fuck around with this little tiny device and focus on this little thing that's right in front of you

as opposed to this whole world that's headed towards you going 70 miles an hour. That's what fucks you up about driving and texting. You focus on this little thing, and then every time you look up, you have to regain all your bearings. It's really dangerous. The crazy thing is that

we've accepted talking while we're driving. You know, if you've got a headset or you've got a system like yours, we're allowing that. As long as you got your eyes on the road you can talk because then they would have to outlaw talking to the guy sitting shotgun right like you can't talk in the car and the worst you imagine that if you couldn't talk in your car the worst is too

dangerous when you have it over your loud stereo systems it's like you're in the world of listening like so if they're downtown and it's like busy you wouldn't be allowed to sing to a song? I listen to people and I talk to people on my phone all the time through the stereo system. I don't think it's any different

than me having a person in the car that I'm having a conversation with. Dude, what about... Why would it be? What about outlawing playing drums

on your steering wheel? Who doesn't do that, right? They're going to have to outlaw that shit. Right, you're not fully controlled of the vehicle. A cop can pull you over if you're fucking

listening to some rush. You don't have to have two hands on the steering wheel. Right? You don't even have to outlaw that shit. Right. You're not fully controlled of the vehicle. A cop can pull you over. You're fucking listening to some rush. You don't have to have two hands on the steering wheel. Right? You don't even have to have two hands. You don't have to be 10 and 2. You have to be seat belt and that's about it. Really? Yeah.

I never really knew that. I mean, they assume that you're going to control the vehicle, but I don't think that you have to control it in any particular way. If you want to get fruity and have like a little ring that you stick your finger through and drive around town like this. You can't wear shades while you drive. What if they say that? Do you remember the thing called the suicide wheel? Do you remember the thing called the suicide wheel?

Do you remember the thing called the suicide wheel? When I was a kid, a couple dudes who had hot rods had a little thing called a suicide wheel. And it was like a little tiny wheel that was on the steering wheel. And you would steer with this little tiny wheel. But that wheel spun itself. So this fucking car would spin all over the place holding on to this thing yeah and so they called it a suicide wheel that's crazy i think that's a cholo thing no no yeah hot rod steering wheels when i was a kid you know the little chain all

any of my friends want wanted was one of those fucking stupid old american hot rods that's all anybody wanted all my old cars my first cars my first car was a 1973 Chevelle and then I had a 68 442 and then I had a Buick Skylark and I had a Chevelle all and a Barracuda all my cars were like old hot rods hey you know all of a sudden I think them chain steering wheels would look fucking cool right? dude they were dope those old cars man they suck like my Barracuda it sucks driving it. They handle like shit. They're totally dangerous.

They don't brake as well as regular cars. They're super, super heavy. It's like a really antiquated sort of a way of constructing a car. But there's something about them, man. There's something about those cars. Do rappers bling out their steering wheel ever? Oh, yeah, totally. They put diamonds on their steering wheel? They do all kinds of shit. They do that? They haveing out their steering wheel ever? Totally. They put diamonds on their steering wheel? They do all kinds of shit.

They do that? They have TVs on their steering wheel, man. TVs on their steering wheel? You ever watch MTV Cribs? Nah, I never watch that shit. They have steering wheels on their fucking,

with a big like seven inch screen where they're watching videos on their steering wheel. That'd be cool. That should be illegal now. Of course it should be illegal. You can fuck it down.

You can't be driving around smoking a joint watching Scarface on your fucking steering wheel, assholes. You think it's bad that Eddie Bravo's texting. This motherfucker's

watching Scarface for the one billionth time. That was like the best episode of Curb My Enthusiasm. When Crazy Eyes Killer, remember? When Larry David met Crazy Eyes Killer

and he had him over the house and he explained his floor. It's my floor. It's made out of some floor shit. So in this thing, we got a big flat flat screen we play scarface 24 hours a day like 24 7 do you ever see the one where he gets caught with a hooker while and weed in the car no oh that's the best one i saw that one that's old that's a good one yeah the old ones the best ones that guy's a genius there's not that many dudes like that it's so hard to get

really good at making those kind of comedies you know it's like every time there's a new sitcom that's out jeez I want to give it a shot I want to give them a chance

but how many people are good at that you know it's so hard especially on regular TV it's so hard to do anything controversial on regular TV now

have you heard Bait Car what is that the new show Bait Car Bait Car yeah it's where they spell it B-A-I-T C-A-R yeah it's where they take... Spell it. B-A-I-T? C-A-R? Yeah, it's where they take a car and they set it up. They've done it in like

Cops before, where they take it and set it up and then these people go to steal it and everything locks. You know what? I saw it. It's not that good. It sounds great. It's a great pitch, but they can't... They don't want to go on high-speed chases, so what they do is they just turn off the car. Yeah, but that's kind of cool. It's just people trapped in cars.

I like that, though. I don't want a high-speed chase. Yeah. Slamming into some fucking kids. I want a high-speed chase, man. Dude, no. You know what? I T-voted it because it sounded great.

I T-voted it, watched one. I erased all that shit. I go, oh, this is boring. Did you ever T-vote Steven Seagal, Lawman? No. Oh, you fucked up. Is that off the air? Yes.

You got to get that on DVD or get it on iTunes. I'll it you gotta get it you got to get it it's genius a gall he's a real cop Steven Seagal is a cop it's incredible hey now what do you think what do you think about Anderson Silva walking out Steven so I think as it was awesome do you think that was kind of like it was a cop like a funny thing if it was he will never tell you he would never admit it but or is he a real like a funny thing? If it was, he would never tell you. He would never admit it. Or is he a real, like a genuine fan of... When I went to interview Anderson Silva at Black House, Anderson Silva, I'm not bullshitting,

for a half an hour was in character as Helio Gracie. For a half an hour. I would love to see that. And they said that he had done it for the last two hours. And he was yelling, Jiu-Jitsu! Jiu-Jitsu is my life! Pass with guard! And he starts talking in portuguese all these different things yelling

out and he's doing it no bullshit for 30 fucking straight minutes he's a he's a joker man he thinks everything is funny that guy is always playing around so what do you think steven seagal thought you thought he was like damn was he honored like shit he really wants me to really think that anderson silva is taking notes while steven seagal is telling him how to kick people in the knees that's the dumbest thing in the world Anderson Silva may very well be the greatest fighter that has ever graced the face of the planet there may not be another guy ever that has ever lived that is on that guy's skill level and that's no bullshit that's that's some real shit and you really think he wants to listen to Steven Seagal tell him to twist wrists and shit?

That's crazy shit. Someone's got to walk out with fucking Jet Li, right? He thinks it's funny. But I think he probably respects him as a martial artist. Look, people can tell you all kinds of things, and they might be retarded, they might be half crazy, but every now and then they'll say something that you can use. Every now and then, I've had a lot of dumb people

say some really useful shit to me. It's like a matter of being able to cherry pick that out of the out of the other diarrhea they're spewing man with all the crazy techniques that are being proven that were once thought of as jokes like we were talking about right before all the weird shit at first we never thought that head kicks would ever work and then you know marco who else uh oh no no marcos was the leg kicks no one thought leg kicks would work marco who has uh oh no no marco was the leg kicks no one thought leg kicks would work marco who asked him prove that now everyone leg kicks judo there was no judo before carl and then there was no there was no uh it was judo i should say there was the first guy to head kick everyone at one point we thought head kicks would never work they would never work

in real fights like that was all for the movies no one kicked anybody the head that you're going to get taken down they They're low percentage. Now people are not getting knocked down Yeah, there's a bunch of different things like that. And then the balls, the new one is the Yeah, Kakuta.

Kakuta, kicking with a front kick. We thought those kicks were jokes like a few years ago. And now Anthony Pettis No, we never did because Semmy Schilt

has been taking guys out with that in K1 forever. But I think most people looked at the fact that he was so tall like that's why they worked. That's what I thought. I go, you know what?

He's so tall. He's making these weird kicks work. He's just going to poke people. I didn't quite think that. I thought it was real because he uses it on high-level guys. He dropped Badr Hari with that. Most people thought those traditional karate kicks were a joke. Do you know there's a thread where Fighters Only magazine said that he's going to come back to the UFC.

He was talking about the UFC. Yeah, I read that. I don't know if he can make 265. That's fucking huge now. We've had turning sidekicks proven. Right. Like Kung Lee, he's proving that turning sidekicks are legit. After, other people have done it too, but now it's totally legit.

Now you've got Anthony Pettis doing fucking Jackie Chan kicks. Yeah, that crazy kick that he did. Right? He leaned down literally where he was like touching the ground and kicked like a split over his head and and and and fucking caught shane roller it was one of the craziest kicks i've ever seen so i mean who the fuck knows maybe that akito grab your fucking hand and twist it and dude flips akito shit does that have a chance people are practicing it there's people maybe if you got a guy who is like a real good wrestler with a real good base who really understood aikido and you let him grab a hold of you yeah i bet he could do it it's just not that high percentage grabbing wrists and twisting

them and flipping people by twisting is that possible why not man look if they can do it in demonstration if a body can physically move that way in the right scenario with the right dude who is the right amount of skill and strength and he pulls it off and the right dude who's not suspecting it and gets caught and goes with it yeah it can happen anything can happen do you think we're going to see it in the next couple years probably not i think we'll see some wing chung some fucking chain fists someone someone i think wing chung from the mount could work like some trapping hands from the mount backfist from the mount we really haven't seen that because remember from the mount, backfists from the mount. We really haven't seen that. Because remember, in the mount, everybody punched the same way back in the day. They punched with hooks, like just sloppy hooks.

Yeah, Wing Chun actually makes sense to practice from the mount because it's all that little close hand fighting. And you can't move and bob and weave like you can in boxing. You're really kind of stuck in a rigid position while you're jacking a guy. So it really probably is maybe the art for it. If a guy was a really badass Wing Chun guy and he got awesome at Jiu Jitsu and developed a sick mount, he would

probably fuck you up. That's what I'm talking about. Wing Chun from the mount. Trapping hands from the mount might work. Totally makes sense. What if you look, there were like lost records and that's what Wing Chun was for. People just started doing it standing. It's never going to work standing. Can you imagine if we could see some dude mount somebody and just fucking do one of these things? They're hammer fisting.

Remember then the hammer fist came in. So people were starting to hammer fist from the mount. No one did that before. Hammer fist is real. Hammer fist to the jaws put people out left and right all over the place. This jumping hammer fist on a guy that just got knocked out. Those are the deadliest ones. This is something that you tweeted me about

the other day that I wanted to talk about. You watched that Brian Gumbel thing on brain damage oh my god whoa yeah i didn't realize how common brain damage is the crazy thing is you expect it from football players because they're they're you know getting a concussion in football is totally normal they you know like steve young had like five or six concussions. Troy Aikman. They finally go because they have too many fucking concussions. They go like MMA fighters do, quarterbacks.

How many more times can this guy get knocked out? And then they finally just can't do it no more. When they get knocked out too, it's like they got hit by a bus. But now they've just proven, this is the Brian Gubel thing. They just proved. You would think that?

You know, there's a lot of football players that end up losing all their, they end up going through a slow paralysis. It's the slowest death sentence ever. Steve Smith used to be the running back for the Raiders. I remember him. He can't move at all. He stares at a computer and spells out words. It was amazing. You've got to T-vote. bryant gumbel's real sports they finally found proof of why this is happening

because every time you get jacked in the brain or get knocked out there's some toxic proteins that form on your brain and if they leak into your spine you're fucked it's like lou gehrig's disease it's the same thing i think it's it's ALS or something like that. Yeah, you were telling me that Lou Gehrig has gotten knocked down a bunch of times. Like it doesn't make sense. Lou Gehrig played baseball. He's not playing football.

That's the most gentle sport ever. But it turns out that he got knocked out brutally six different times. They reported it in newspapers. Brutal concussions where he got beamed by fastballs, slid into second base and collided heads with the other guy, where he's knocked out for five minutes. They needed smelling salts to wake him up.

Six different times. And he never took a day off. You know, everyone talk about, they always talk about his streak, the Lou Gehrig streak where he played like over 2,000 games straight. So he would come back from the concussion, always play the next game. He never took any time off. So that's why he died of what he died. He had some protein toxin stuff.

I could be, I don't remember. A lot of people get it, by the way, who've never had, we should just clarify, people who've never had impact, like Stephen Hawking. Stephen Hawking has Lou Gehrig's disease. And obviously nobody fucking peed the shit out of that dude. You never know. Maybe as a kid he got shit out of that dude. You never know. Maybe as a kid he got smacked around. Maybe.

You dumb motherfucker. Who's doing MMA as a kid? You dumb motherfucker. Imagine that. Smartest guy in the world. You ain't smart. You think you're fucking smart? The fuck?

Shut the fuck up, Stephen. Go to your room before I beat your ass with those fucking science books. I will beat your ass if you read another fucking physics book. He probably got his ass beat. Knocked out. I don't think that probably happened. I'm just going to state my opinion. You think it did, Brian? Have you ever been

knocked unconscious? No. Never? Check this out. Soccer players from the collisions with 60 mile an hour balls, they're hitting them with their head all the time. Soccer players go down left and right from the shit. They go through a slow paralysis with a certain death. There's no way you can slow that.

Yeah, well, what people need to realize is it's not even concussions. It's just repeated blows to the head, jarring blows to the head. And the crazy thing is, check out this coincidence and how common it really is. There's this football player that had the disease and was slowly dying. His best friend was a boxer, a great white boxer that fought all the greats. Larry Holmes, George Foreman. What's his name? I forget this guy's name. He had a mustache.

Famous white boxer that got knocked out. From Canada? Yes. George Chiavallo? Yes. That guy his best friend, his football player he watched him. He fucking watched him go through the chin he's still not dead but now he finally can't move nothing slowly, no no he died

and as soon as he died this motherfucker gets it, the boxer has it now he can walk slowly he's still walking slowly losing control of his muscles that's crazy, you know they really need to take that into consideration when

it comes to mma and boxers mma fighters you know we we don't we haven't seen that happen yet we haven't seen the one case of a guy getting really fucked up but if if people keep fighting it's going to keep happening there's no way to avoid it in boxing tragedy in boxing they get hit so hard in the head that they just die on the way after the fight on the way to the hospital they don't even go through luke garrick's disease they just die on the way after the fight on the way to the hospital. They don't even go through Lou Gehrig's disease. They just die way quicker. Well, you actually

know what I mean? It's way more accurate. Actually, no. They're unrelated. It's a different type of ailment. When you, the problem with these guys

that are dying is almost all of them are cutting weight. No, but what I'm saying is I'm not saying it's the same thing. I'm just saying it's totally different

but it's worse than the slow death because they just, whatever it is from cutting weight and all that shit, that means you die after the fight. Some guys get the slow death, but the guys who get the slow death, it's a different sort of a damage. Gerald McClellan? Yeah, McClellan

cut weight. Think about that. Yeah, McClellan cut a nasty amount of weight. McClellan was famous for being one of the biggest guys. I think he was fighting 175, right? He was a croc guy. It was his fight with Nigel Benn. Yeah, Nigel Benn. He hit Nigel Benn with everything but the kitchen sink,

but Nigel Benn wouldn't go away. Nigel Benn, the English black guy with the jerry curl. Remember that shit? Was it jerry curls or was it dreadlocks? No, no, he didn't have dreadlocks. It may have just been the sweat, and it looked like a jerry curl, but it looked like he was fighting with a jerry curl. Didn't Mitch Blood Green fight with a jerry curl? I think he did.

Yes, I think he fought Tyson with jerry curls. Those are old school, man. Remember with... They had to make that shit illegal, though, right? Jerry curls getting in everyone's eyes. Well, it's greasy, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, that stuff is really nasty. Hey, Eddie, have you ever straightened your

hair with conditioner or straightening black person hair straightening shit? No. It's craziness. I just blow-dried straight. I think it's dreads, bro. All I need is a blow-dry. Yeah, he's got dreads.

He's just got some crazy natty hair. Is that Nigel Benn? Yeah. He was a bad motherfucker. Yeah, you're right. It was dreads. He got knocked down like shit at least twice in the first round. The first round was a war. Watch Nigel Benn, Gerald McClellan. It was dreads. He got knocked down like shit, like at least twice in the first round. The first round was a war.

Watch Nigel band Gerald McClellan. Watch that fucking fight. That's the fight that changed Roy Jones' style. A lot of people think Roy Jones saw that fight and was like, fuck getting hurt. Watch his friend get all fucked up. This is a guy who's going to fight eventually. That was like a super fight that was being talked about. Who do you think had the best defense ever in boxing?

Pernell Whitaker? No, Hopkins. Better than Pernell Whitaker? know who do you think had the best defense ever in boxing pernell whitaker no hopkins better than pernell whitaker yeah i think hopkins has the best defense pernell whitaker could stand in front of guys yeah and he could you know he could keep from getting hit but you know what roll with guys but he wasn't doing that to a guy like hopkins you know what i liked about what i like about hopkins is hopkins doesn't take any stupid chances you know a lot of guys think that certain styles are boring you know like like some people you know think that you know like like like the John Fitch style like John Fitch wins ugly takes guys down beats him up pounds on him but sometimes it goes to decision but I think that's still beautiful that guy's imposing his shit on that guy and what I like about a guy like Hopkins he shuts everybody else's bullshit down hardly ever

gets hit stands right in front of you. And if you're like a Felix Trinidad that opens up too much on him, he'll break you. He'll break you and knock you the fuck out. And if you tighten up like Roy Jones, okay, you'll get the decision. But that guy just beat you. And he does that to everybody. I like John Fitch, but I'll like him a lot more once he gets really good with submissions. I'm going to be a giant fan.

Look who he's fighting, though. He's fighting monsters. He fought Tiago Alves. Tiago is so fucking hard to finish. He's so big and strong and powerful. Just to even hold that motherfucker down is getting near impossible. If he didn't come in overweight

and look so fucking drawn out, who knows? This guy's a beast, man. The guy that fought Koscheck, that guy's a fucking savage. You've got to strive to be, if you're grappling and you want to maximize your ground fighting skills,

strive to be as good as Marcelo Garcia. It's real simple. Marcelo Garcia is the greatest no-gi grappler of all time. No one's even fucking close. He's a master of many submissions. Speaking of which, Jacare is fighting Tim Kennedy tonight. We're going to watch that show on Strikeforce right afterwards. We're going to get some pizza. Jacare is fighting Tim Kennedy tonight. We're going to watch that show on Strikeforce right after we get some pizza.

Jacare, another motherfucker. But technically, even though Jacare beat Marcelo Garcia, overall, Marcelo Garcia has more polished, mastered weapons. So everyone should strive. Yeah, but it's pretty close. I agree, but Jacare's still fucking incredible. Yeah, Jacare is awesome. Definitely top five in the world at submissions.

His heart is crazy, too. Here's a guy who got his arm broken by Hadja Gracie. Hadja Gracie broke his arm, and he finished the fucking match and won on points. He was willing to let his fucking arm get broken in a jiu-jitsu match. I mean, what do they get paid for a jiu-jitsu match? Nothing. Nothing. And this guy's like, go ahead, snap my arm, bitch.

I get free acai for life. Free acai with raw oatmeal. You get to mix that shit. And the top guys get granola too with that. Oh, that's hot. Not everyone. They're savages competing in one of the best sports in the world that nobody cares about. It's one of the weirdest things that people don't care about, submission grappling.

You would think that boxing is pretty popular, I mean obviously hugely popular on its own, and it's a segment of MMA. Why isn't submission grappling, why hasn't someone figured out a way to promote high-level submission grappling, like Jacare, like Marcelo Garcia, Jake Shields, those type of dudes who just attack guys and finish them off?

That shit's exciting. Well, Rico Ciparelli was doing that, the Professional Submission League. It looked great. And he needed Randy Couture to be the poster boy. And it would have worked with Randy Couture because Randy Couture retired for a minute. And Randy Couture said, okay, I'm retired, but I

still want to compete. And Submission Grappling is the way to go. And Rico Chiparello was like, man, I'm going to make this guy headline every show. And he did a couple shows, and they were awesome. Rico Chiparello had an awesome show. He just needs a headline. You know what, Rico?

If you're listening out there, anybody that knows Rico, get Marcelo Garcia to headline your shit. Revolve it around Marcelo Garcia. Yeah, but that's the difference is Randy Couture is huge with the general population. You can have Randy Couture grappling in the general population.

You could make it successful with Marcelo Garcia. You could, but he's that big. He's huge. No, but he's not with regular people. Randy Couture is successful with Marcelo Garcia. He's that big. He's huge. No, but he's not with regular people. Randy Couture is successful with regular human beings. Definitely. The initial blow would be from the Randy Couture fans. But the problem is

that's what you need in order to get something off the ground. You need a guy like that. You can't just take chances and let people eventually grow to love it because you run out of money. I think you could do it with Marcelo Garcia. You can't. You can't do something like that. No, you have to have something that people are going to...

Look at all these guys that are fighting in Bellator. They got killers in Bellator. They got these... Look at Hector Lombard fighting in Bellator, crushing people. Nobody's paying attention.

No one's talking about it. Hector Lombard, if he was in the fucking UFC, would be in Sports Illustrated right now. He's a fucking Cuban immigrant who was fighting for the Cuban Olympic judo team,

I believe. This fucking destroyer, 5'9", 185 pounds, shredded, ridiculous muscles, moves so fucking fast, blasted Jay Silva out in like six seconds. He's crushing people, dude, crushing people in Bellator. Nobody gives a fuck. You know why? Because it's Bellator, and nobody knows what it is. You go ask a million people on the street, what's Bellator? Well, he might be there for 10 years, and still people might not know where Bellator and nobody knows what it is. You go ask a million people on the street, what's Bellator? Well, he might be there for 10 years and still people might not know where Bellator is and that would be the end of his competitive prime. That's the problem.

You can't just say like, oh, we're going to start this thing and because we have Marcelo Garcia, it's going to be huge because no one's going to just fucking pay to see jiu-jitsu. They're not going to do it. If they're not practicing jiu-jitsu, so you'd be limited to only practitioners.

So you have like a tiny percentage of the population that's willing to buy your product on television, and much less than would be willing to buy an MMA fight. Because MMA, you get the fans, you get people who have actually trained in it themselves, and then you get all these wahoos who want to see people get the fuck beat out of them. So you get the whole cross-section.

But if you get a guy like Marcelo Garcia, you're only going to get people into jiu-jitsu. Initially, you know how many stars were nothing one day, and they blow up the next day with them, right? The reason the UFC is huge is they have the money for the marketing, and they put faces out there. If someone came along with that kind of money and that kind of power, Marcelo Garcia could be an instant star overnight.

All these guys were nothing one day, they're stars the next day just because they were on TV. All you got to be is on TV. star is the next day just because they were on TV. All you got to be is on TV. You see the example? I'm talking about guys getting knocked the fuck out which everybody can relate to. Bellator is on Fox Sports.

No one watches that. If Bellator was on... It couldn't be on Fox Sports. But if Bellator... So if you were going to have grappling, you would have to be on what? ESPN to become successful? Well, is Bellator successful?

I guess it's on. If it's on, it's successful. It's successful? Well then, why not? I don't know what the ratings are. You started off this conversation with saying submission grappling should be fucking huge. I'm saying it's really hard it's successful. I don't know what the ratings are. You started off this conversation with saying submission grappling should be fucking huge.

I'm saying it's really hard to make something popular. No, no, I know. By saying Bellator is successful, the numbers are enough to keep it on television. The hard part isn't actually getting the cage

and putting the show on. The hard part is marketing. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's not having a great product. Look at Strikeforce. I think Bellator's got a lot of great fighters.

I've watched Bellator and there's some fun fights to watch. But if you want, are they getting sued by the UFC? I probably shouldn't be talking about them.

No, but what I'm saying is, did you know this story? You know the story with Kenny Pavia? That's fucking strange, dude. Kenny Pavia. I don't know what really happened,

so we probably shouldn't talk about it. Yeah, you know. He might drag us into some loss. Yeah, exactly. That crazy fuck. I don't know nothing.

I know nothing. All I know is the UFC fucking rules. Yeah, exactly. UFC rules. UFC is the best. But I'm looking forward to Strikeforce nothing. All I know is the UFC fucking rules. Yeah, exactly. UFC rules. UFC is the best. But I'm looking forward to Strikeforce tonight. Brian, you going to stay over?

I'm going to wrestle. You going to get in your underwear? What's up? What's up? I think I'm going to see that movie Date Night. Date Night. What? Eat, pray, love my dick, son.

Everything good? We're going to fucking pig out after this, man. Yeah, everything's great. Actually, have you seen the movie Date Night? Bill Burr's in it. Are you talking to me for real? Bill Burr's in it. Have I seen you seen the movie Date Night? Bill Burr's in it. Are you talking to me for real? Bill Burr's in it. Have I seen the movie Date Night?

Yeah, Bill Burr's in it. I love Bill Burr, but that's not enough. He plays the cop in it. I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of either, Bill. I don't know. Maybe it's good.

I like Steve Carell. I'm just kidding. It's just comedy. Date Night's the one, the Steve Carell one, right? Yeah. It looks like it'd be funny. Tina Fey.

I'm only fucking around. I saw the, did we talk about it? The fucking Stallone movie? Oh, no, no. Did you see it? Oh, yeah, I saw it. What the fuck is it called again?

Expendables. I'm blanking out my mind. Wild Hog with Guns. That's what Brian called it. I'm trying to delete it off my hard drive. And look, I love Randy Couture. Okay, I love Randy Couture. And I think Randy Couture has a definite possibility

for a giant career as an action star. I mean, the dude is a real life. Plenty good. Really? Plenty good. To me, I bought it. All I want to see is him beating the fuck out of people. He's a real badass.

He's fucking clean and healthy and fucking looks great for his age. This guy's a goddamn movie star. I think for sure Randy Couture could be a giant movie star. For sure. He's beloved. After that guy retires, if he just decides to do giant fucking action movies, what? Arnold could act better? Shit.

Shit. Now, romantic comedies, maybe not. Anyway, it was... Maybe. I think he could do a romantic comedy. Why not? I love you. Chicks want to fuck him.

That's all he needs to do. He just needs to be funny in how they want to fuck him. He's a fucking gladiator, right? Look at that ear. So the movie was, that said, the movie was wretched. It was like you took... Was it worse than the A-Team?

This is what I said. I didn't see the A-Team. It was like you took every cliche in an acting movie, you threw it together. You had a 12-year-old piece it together and then you just ground it up and stuffed it up Stallone's asshole

with like one of those pastry bags and you just diarrhea splattered it onto the screen. That was the movie. It was so dumb. I would never want to see that. It was a cool blow up shit. It blew up more shit than anything. Sylvester Stallone actually tried to steal the script from one of my students.

Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I brought this up. Tell the whole story. By the way, that motherfucker should not be proud of that script. Yeah, what the fuck? He said they changed everything. He said they butchered it and changed everything. I'm sure they did. Tell the whole story. By the way, that motherfucker should not be proud of that script. Yeah, what the fuck? No, no. He said they changed everything. He said they butchered it and changed everything. I'm sure they did.

I'm sure they did. Yeah, they hammered it. I believe it. But, you know, Sylvester Stallone put out his management team or whatever. Allegedly. Yes. Allegedly. Well, they went to court. This is what happened.

Okay. They went to court. Well, you say allegedly just so you don't get sued. Allegedly. Just say allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. This is what you heard, right?

I'm helping you. Sylvester Stallone put out an APB. He's looking for an action thriller or whatever, an action movie. I'm sure he had a lot of guys come through his office. Dave Callahan, you look at the credits, he's my purple belt. Lopan is his nickname on the internet. Anyways, he writes scripts. He met with Sylvester Stallone.

They rejected the script, but then for some reason, he decided to keep the script and not give Dave Callahan any credit. And he was shopping this, you know, he was basically going around town saying he's got a script, he wrote this script,

and he's getting all these stars, Mickey Rourke and all these guys to do it. So he seems like a script, he wrote the script, and he's getting all these stars, Mickey Rourke and all these guys to do it, so he seems like a big shot. And then Dave Callaham's people found out, they took him to court, so wrestlers alone try to fucking fight it. And they usually win. According to Dave Callaham,

writers usually lose in these kind of situations, and the evidence was so clear that, you know. Did they win in court or was it a payoff? Win in court and, you know, if you look at the credits, it says original story by Dave Callahan, screenplay, Dave Callahan, Sylvester Stallone.

Did he get money from the film also? I'm sure. I don't know what his deal was, but basically Sylvester Stallone tried to steal his script. You know what killed me? When I read all these people that loved it. Yeah. I read all these people online that loved it and i was like really like you didn't see like everything coming like the thing with arnold was kind of funny it was kind of funny with

bruce willis and what's his problem he wants to be president that shit was funny that was a funny line it was good but that's it other than that it was like a bunch of shit that you saw coming a million miles away you know stallone's never gonna die this is ridiculous when he went back to save the girl you're like what the fuck you should have saw scott pilger and he went back to save the girl and he didn't even fuck her and that's just un-american you're gonna go all the way to another country and risk your life and your friend's lives and she loves you and she hugs on you you don't even fuck her you leave her there on the island that shit's ridiculous you just came back in a plane with guns and fucked up everyone in her town, risking your life, rescued her while her father was murdered, and you don't even fuck her? That's ridiculous.

That was offensive to me. That offended me. I'm like, what kind of a movie are you making here? You should have fucked her like he saved her life. Exactly. That's fucking communism, man. You fly into a country and you risk your life for the hottest chick on the planet and she doesn't even fuck you when it's over?

You just flew from another country to land on this shitty little island and get shot at. You don't even fuck her. And she wants to fuck you, pretty sure. She got nothing to live for. She got nothing going on there. Get her drunk.

That'd be a cool thing to text to your girlfriend, right? I'm gonna fuck you tonight like I saved your life. Wow, you could pretend. I tried, I tried. I tried. Is that how you roll? Roll play? Yeah.

You ever do roll playing? No. No? Yeah. I don't get that. I'm the telephone repairman, that kind of shit. You got to dress up and shit? Some dudes do it, man.

They go out and buy outfits and shit. Wife will wear something crazy. They'll pretend they're shooting a cooking show in the kitchen. He just comes in. He's crazy. He just rapes her right in the kitchen. I remember when our one friend...

That could be hot. I guess. Do you remember our one friend? Our one friend? I don't have a threesome, though. Little hobo's friend? Yeah. Dude.

You don't have to say that. Fuck. He used to come up to me and go, hey, man, you should really try to put diapers on and get slapped around a little. And he was being serious. Yeah, we have this one friend that he talked to me about how hot it was to ball gag his chick in Whipper. He likes to Whipper. I go, how hard?

He goes, I leave marks. And he's being serious. I like leaving marks and stuff. I'm a fan of that I like beating up Like the ass I like beating it all up You like beating that ass?

You like beating it up? Yeah Really? You punch it? What do you do with it? I don't punch it I just The strongest

Boss rooting Fucking iron palm From the Shaolin temple Oh damn You slap them that hard In the ass? As hard as I can Whoa

Are you serious? Girls like it Girls like it. Girls like it. Wow. Some girls like it. Are you sure? Most girls like it. Most girls like that shit.

That is a strong. Okay, let's clarify. Most girls who are willing to fuck you. Right. You can't say most girls. I think it's natural. I think it's natural that girls like to get fucked rough. Whoa.

No girls that I fuck do. I've never had that. I verbally beat ass. I verbally beat ass. I verbally beat ass. Eddie has this very specific type that he dates. That's like a generous section of the population. But it's not.

I've tried. I think so. I think girls like it rough. Some girls do. Some girls do not. I'm going to say 75% of women like it rough. 75% of women willing to fuck you. Yes.

Okay. Exactly. But that's not 75% of all women, bro. 5% that wants to fuck me. I'm just saying I'm thinking. That's what I think. I'm a standby. It's the girls that are attracted to you.

There's certain girls who you're their ideal guy. What are you saying about the girls that are attracted to me? I'm saying those girls like to be smacked around a little bit. Yeah. Look, it's natural. Look, what are you? There's a wild fucking musician character who's a trained killer, jiu-jitsu expert,

teaches people all around the world. What do you think they want from you? They want some exotic, crazy killer dick. They want you to do something nutty with them. They want to feel threatened. Those bitches are nuts. They want to be stuffed in a corner. They want to be put in a cradle

and force them to suck your dick. They want some be stuffed in a corner. They want to be put in a cradle and force them to suck your dick. They want some craziness. So you're saying a larger percentage of the population likes it nice and smooth. Think about who the fuck you are, man. They like it nice and smooth. Think about who you are. Think about who you are. All the girls I date like it smooth.

I've tried that. But those are the girls you date. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't be threatening with that thing.

Well, you guys are attacking me. Look how he's pointing. Listen, no, no, no. That's what we're saying. No, no, no. I'm not attacking you at all. That's what you did. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't be threatening with that thing. Well, you guys are attacking me. Look how he's pointing. Listen, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not attacking you at all. I'm pumping you up. Look, what you are is a very specific type. I'm not attacking you in any way, shape, or form. Quite the opposite.

Yeah, but quite the opposite. I'm not attacking you at all. What I'm saying is those bitches want the Genghis Khan treatment. Right. That's why they're coming to you. They don't want it with me. They're not there for the soft tech guy who's going to watch fucking cats videos with them. They make me scissor them.

I love cats. I love cats, too. Yeah, they make me scissor them. They're like, just pull your dick up and scissor me. And I'm like, yeah. Is that what you do? Just scissor assholes with them. Oh, that's beautiful.

Do they ever get from, they're like, I like to hold you from behind. No. They get like that? I want to take your back. They try to take it. No way. Put the hooks in. It's more romantic.

Do you think you could defend yourself against a blue belt girl? A what? A blue belt girl. If a girl was a blue belt, do you think you'd defend yourself against a blue belt girl? A what? A blue belt girl. If a girl was a blue belt. He's not sure. UFC rule one rules or UFC 50 rules? Just jiu-jitsu. She's not even going to hit you.

I think anyone can jiu-jitsu. I think if you know a little bit of jiu-jitsu, you're going to be able to fight somebody that's zero jiu-jitsu. Girl or boy. Girl or boy. Jiu-jitsu, you're going to be able to fight somebody that's zero jiu-jitsu. Girl or boy. Girl or boy. Damn. Jiu-jitsu is pretty powerful. Or some badass bitches. Yeah.

Listen, ladies out there, we are willing to give you $20 if you will engage in a jiu-jitsu submission grappling match at 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu in Hollywood against Brian. No way. You have to be a blue belt with less than two years of training and under 120 pounds. You want to do it, Brian? No. There's no reason to do that. And I'll give you some lessons. There's no reason to do that.

It's not Brian's style. I'll give you lessons. It's not Brian's style. I'll play the UFC video game against a girl. Well, if it was MMA, I'm sure you'd beat the shit out of her because all you'd have to do is punch her. The real thing is like, but jiu-jitsu when we did that thing with um uh Seymour Butts and Felicia remember that at the old legends yes oh yes that the reality yeah Felicia Oh who is one of John Jock Machado's black belts is a friend of ours and she's a really really cool chick and

she's a killer she's like 135 pounds she's strong as fuck she's like all pounds. She's strong as fuck. Strong, and she's like onto kettlebells and shit? Yeah, crazy CrossFit girl and a serious jiu-jitsu black belt. Like, she will fuck you up. She's legit. And Seymour Butts was filming a reality show, and Seymour Butts is this porno star. And he came to the Bomb Squad, and we had him roll with a girl. Well, no, he got a hold of me because he wanted, you know,

for the show, I'm going to go learn jiu-jitsu for the show, and I'm going to go against a girl or something like that. And they filmed the reality show at the Bomb Squad. Yes, they came down to one of my classes. That's where the original 10th Planet was located in the Bomb Squad. So we filmed it. He didn't want to roll with her, right? Or he did want to roll with her. Well, he did.

He did not know what was going to happen. What happened was he didn't use any of it. He didn't use any of it in rolling with her in the actual show. He only came down a couple times. You can't learn jujitsu in a couple times. I thought the idea was that he was going to get humiliated by the girl, and that was going to be fun, but I don't remember seeing any of that. Did they put it on TV at all?

They never aired it. They never aired it. They never aired it. She killed him. She crushed him. She just strangled him, choked him, armbarred him. She did everything to him. But if there was no rules

Then he would have won Not necessarily Not with Felicia Really Maybe with a blue belt girl No Felicia's a black belt dude You're not going to be able to The odds are in her favor

Anything can happen Yeah A big man can Yeah you might be able to punch her Punch her in the nose Kick her Yeah anything can happen You're right

But the odds are She's going to get you You put money on the black belt chick If you don't know how to fight It's one thing if you're a fighter girls black belt girls go through guys that are really good at jiu-jitsu yeah it's crazy to watch like blue belts and stuff a black belt chick can run through a guy that's been trained two or three years easily it's crazy to watch those really high-end girls like attack dudes like kira gracie i hear crazy stories like embarrasses guys all the time

for sure for sure she's a fucking savage she's awesome and she's hot as fuck how ridiculous is that hot as fuck and a train killer and a gracie whose kid is that is that hickson's kid no it's henzo's sister's daughter henzo's sister henzo, Flavia, is like a famous actress in Brazil. Uh-huh. She had a Kira. Kira, the father was never around, and Kira just kept the Gracie name.

Her mom's, she's a Gracie. Her mom's a legit Gracie. Her mom's super hot too, man. One of the cool things. When I went to Brazil in 2000 for the Mundiales as a Purple Belt, Jean-Jacques and Henzo

were actually trying to hook me up with Flavia, Kira's mom, when I was 30. Oh, my God. And Kira was 14 at the time. What? Kira was, and they were together. We're all hanging out at the loft. Maybe you shouldn't talk about this. I'm going to put a hit out on you.

No, it's true. You're fucking kissing and telling to the whole world. Why didn't you spank that shit? That was 10 years ago. Spank? Why didn't you spank that shit? Nothing ever happened. You know what?

She couldn't speak English. I didn't speak Portuguese. The attraction lasted for five minutes and then that was it. You know, I think it's really cool when you go to those

World Jiu-Jitsu Championships and even Abu Dhabi, the level that the chicks are fighting at, the Jiu-Jitsu level is really, really high. Fuck yeah. That's so fun to watch, man.

Chicks become like really dangerous killers because Jiu-Jitsu is one of the things that it takes some strength to do but it really takes technique and practice. And a girl can get to the point where she can fucking kill a man,

where she can dominate a man. It doesn't take that much. It doesn't take that much, especially when you think about your legs. A girl has legs that are willing to carry around her 130-pound body all day long. Her empty pussy. Wow, what the fuck, man?

Cyborg doesn't count. That doesn't count. But like Shayna Baszler? I mean, she does count, but she's a broad end of the spectrum. If you had to guess, what would you say that's all about? What? Cyborg. She does everything she can to enhance her strength.

Yeah, or she's just unusually very strong genetically. That's possible, too. She probably has an awesome pussy boner. You know what it's going to take to beat her? Some crazy Samoan chick. Another chick. Some badass Tonga chick. Another chick that does the same things

that she does in training. Some fucking big German bitch with big broad shoulders and shit. You know, someone from a hardy Viking fucking bloodline. Something strong. How crazy is it that a fighter like, what the fuck is her name? Gina Carano

Hot and can fuck you up That's a rare combination Because usually the girls that can fuck you up are ugly It's never hot chicks that can fuck you up Except Kira She's like the only one She'll kick off her pumps and fuck you up Leg kick you, punch you in the face

How embarrassing would that fucking be? To get your ass kicked in front of all your friends at a club by some hot chick. K.O.'d by a hot chick. She'll fucking K.O. you too. She could easily K.O. a dude. Hey, how about this, man? Why is it that there's not that many black chicks in MMA? How many black chicks are there in MMA? Every time I watch Strikeforce, it's

either Cyborg or there's some white chicks. You don't see that many black chicks. It's going to take a black chick to beat Cyborg. can't afford some they can't afford classes that might be it i mean obviously this black chick's gonna afford it but the ones who can they don't want to fight right you know it's like it's it hasn't permeated into the ghettos the way it has in other cultures absolutely in other countries you know in brazil and other it's permeated into the the lower end people look at it as a way to like you know know, and then also, you know, even the people who are educated and like Damian Maia comes from a wealthy background.

He comes, but just the sheer desire and drive to fight for him, you know, became exciting and interesting to him. It's not necessarily with chicks. It takes a very special chick to want to go in there and throw down. Right now, at the level the sport is for women's MMA, right now, it's so tiny, there's so few girls that are doing it,

that like Venus and Serena could jump into MMA and fuck chicks up right away. Oh my God. Within a year, Venus or Serena, the biggest one, can fight Cyborg,

right? Within a year. Within a year. It's steep. They would fuck up chicks that have been training for six years. Her legs are like football, like male football player legs.

You should make it happen. Could you imagine her leg kicking you? Yeah. Just digging in, you know, boss rooting style, digging that fucking chin in. Can you imagine what kind of damage she could do? The amount of distance she could cover so quickly? They could easily get bored of fucking tennis and do some MMA. No, I don't think so.

Well, you know what they could do? It could enhance their training for tennis. It could make them more explosive. If they decided to get into MMA, just into Muay Thai and shit, just enhance their tennis, it would definitely enhance their movement. And then they could fall in love with it. That's the hope. Get them into some MMA for training and then have them fall in love with it.

And then someone offers like a big money fight. Dude, can you imagine their knees? Their knees would be like fucking insane. Their grip on that tennis racket must be death, right? Their booty juice. If they clapped that shit

over the back of your neck and kneed you, that's all they would need. The fucking Thai knees. If I was going to train them, I'd go, let's just start with the knees, get really good at the Thai clinch,

get really good at that and then we'll expand from there. Yeah, what'd you say, the booty clinch? The booty juice. Yeah, man. Can you imagine their double legs after a year?

Giant asses. From all that jumping, their double legs would be like GSP. Jesus fucking Christ. They'd pick up bitches and throw them out the cage. Smash chicks. They would probably be the greatest MMA. Imagine if they fought together like Minotauro and his brother do. Yeah, they would be insane.

They would be the crushers. They would have to They would be insane. They would be the crushers. They would have to eventually fight each other. That would be the only way. There's got to be some black chicks out there fighting. There's got to be. There definitely are. I've definitely seen black chicks fight in MMA. I just haven't seen.

The percentage is much lower than girls for some reason. Or than white girls, rather, for some reason. It seems like more white girls are doing it. A lot of Spanish girls are doing it. A lot of Japanese chicks. Japanese is very popular, right? There's some badass Japanese chicks. Megumi Fuji. That bitch is bad.

Chung Li. What? You're just making people up, Brian. You don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. Zolia Fasto. Isn't she fighting tonight, too? I don't know. We could find out real quick. Dana's going to get mad at us for pumping up Strikeforce. So, Brian, what goes through your mind when we're talking about all this? You know, I always get something every year I start liking.

Like, I just recently started liking iced tea. But I haven't got to the grapefruit part. And I just wonder if that's something that happens later in life. Grapefruit? When you start liking grapefruits. What? Because who fucking likes... My dad likes to eat grapefruits.

Do you like to eat grapefruits? I love grapefruits. I think they're delicious., my dad likes to eat grapefruits. Do you like to eat grapefruits? I love grapefruits. I love grapefruits. I think they're delicious. If you get a good one, I think they're delicious. All your life you liked grapefruits or did it come later in life?

No, I kind of liked them when I was young. I used to drink a lot of grapefruit juice because I heard it was even higher in vitamin C than orange juice. That might be not true.

Yeah, Bobby Lashley's fighting. Who'd you say, who'd you ask was fighting? Zolia Frasto. Maybe she's not fighting fighting I thought she was I don't see that I don't see any girls in the car

Andre Galvao was supposed to be fighting Makako but Makako didn't show up who was gonna fight him Andre Galvao damn that would've been

an awesome fight I love Andre Galvao Makako's a badass jiu-jitsu guy. That's a legend, man. Yeah, I wonder what happened. I don't know what happened. Is the fight not on at all

anymore? I believe it's not on. It's on the undercard anyway and there's no way to see the undercard, which sucks because something about the UFC too, I mean you could watch them

online after the event is over, but there should be a way that you could just tune in to just the whole undercard. Like from the moment the first fight starts, the first fight at 4 o'clock in the afternoon show me that shit why are you saving they don't have that like on like a certain channel they have it on the ufc.com which i love

the fact you can always get any fight you want on ufc.com that's the shit but me as a fan you know if i find out that the first fight of the night is you know fucking two guys that i know i know their name they're not like mainstream guys but I know they're both badass. Hazlitt and Rick Story. Here's a perfect example. That one aired, right? Did that air? I don't remember. If it didn't air, imagine if that fight was on the undercard and it wasn't airing.

I would want to fucking see that fight, man. When it's happening. I don't want to go on the underground and find the results out afterward and I can't see the video. Why don't they just throw that on ESPN 3D? If it's being filmed in 3D, whoever... I don't know. It's a good idea.

I mean, I guess there must be a method to their madness, but the reality is, man, you could just overdose on MMA if they wanted to show you everything. You know, the people that are putting this together, like the people that are making these decisions, don't realize how important all these fights are to the fans the hardcore fans. We want to see all of them it's not like boxing. It makes me sick when I look

at this card, like this card is nasty I'm looking at the card, there's great fights on the card I'm looking forward to it, but then when I look down and I see, I know it didn't happen, but I look down I see Galval versus fucking Makako I go, oh shit, that's a badass fight Vinicius Magalhaes, Dracolino versus Rocky Long.

I want to see that fight. How come I can't see it? You know the crazy thing in Makako, most people, you know, newbies don't understand that where MMA was at, that's right, where MMA was at back in the late 90s

in the dark area, the dark period, Makako and Pele Landy, they were considered like the top welterweights out there. They were insane. Pele Landy, they were considered the top welterweights out there. They were insane. Pele knocked out Matt Hughes in Kuwait. Remember that? You know another legend?

Waleed Ismail. Can I show everybody this shirt? What do I do? How do I show the people the back of this shirt? If you just turn around while you're seated, there's this dude named Waleed Ismail who is a legend. When I was training at Carlson Gracie's place way back in 98, that's when I first met him.

When I started working for the old UFC. He fought Takahashi at that UFC. Like UFC 12 in Dothan, Alabama. And this dude is just one of the all-time characters. Badass jiu-jitsu guy. Choked Hoist Gracie unconscious. But he's famous for his terrible English.

He had a feud with Haiyan Gracie. This Haiyan, he's cook. He's f terrible English. He had a feud with Hein Gracie. This Hein, he's cook. He's faggot. He's cook. I kill him. He's cook. He's faggot. That's all he would say.

He's cook, faggot, Hein Gracie. You know, I'm saying he's not a real man. I go to the beach. He's faggot. I just walk with me and my girlfriend, go to beach. I see that cook, that faggot standing there. We need to find this. Brian, see if you can

find this valide ismael it's no w w a it's it's waleed but it's spelled with a w w a l l i d i s h m a l is i s i got it is i s m a i Yeah, and go on YouTube and find a famous interview. So it's like, put High and Gracie. Waleed Ismail, High and... Ryan Gracie. R-Y-N. Gracie. You've got to listen to this guy talk, because this guy is hilarious. Anyway, he's one of the coolest guys of all time,

and a badass jiu-jitsu guy, and he's famous. I'm going to mention to you, and you can say whatever you want when I mention it. This is High and Gracie. He's a chicken. I beat him one minute and a half no i don't know don't want to talk about this chicken you see this guy is weak i told you i told it to everybody everybody remember the last time i come here i said hey this guy is nothing he's a weak you everything I say, with the question, everything I say before the fight, happen in the fight.

I just want everybody remind, everybody remember, everything I say before the fight, happen in the fight. You know what I mean? You see, I told it to everybody, I'm ready to fight. I train so hard. I show to everybody. Can you imagine going to the ball garden with this guy? Now I tell again, I feel much better today than last time.

Much better. Because I train hard. You know, I not go to everybody. Can you imagine going to the ball garden with this guy? I feel much better today, last time. Much better. Because I train hard. You know, I don't go to party. I don't... You know, my friend Scobie, what am I gonna do? I go to train. I just said this, oh, I let's go to you. No, I go train. I'm ready. I need training double. You understand? Have good talent. I know I have hard, you know.

I have hard to fight. There a hard to fight there's no doubt about you see every a lot of guys talk a lot of no bullshit like this guy Hickson grace it's a Baba Baba Baba stay inside the home not to go show up you know I mean you know I I'm I'm fight all the time understand I'm fight, I'm fight all the time. Understand? I'm fight. No, I'm ready to fight. Understand? I'm not staying inside my home. Understand? Because he wait, you make a mistake for him talking bullshit.

He's crazy looking too. I know, I'm here. Understand? This one guy, you ask me, who guy you want to fight? This guy, you want to fight? Because imagine, I beat four Graces. I beat Ryan Grace, he cousin. I beat half Grace, his cousin. I beat Ralph Grace, his cousin.

I beat Hans Grace, his cousin. I beat Royce Grace, his brother. What are you going to do, nothing? Come on, man. Show up. Damn, he was talking shit to Hickson. I never heard this. Whoa.

Obrigado. Whoa. That was a different video, actually. I never heard that one before. He went after Hickson in that. God damn. He went and talked some shit about Hickson. I can't even believe that.

For people who don't know, Hickson Gracie is like, he's like the god of jujitsu. If you name one guy that everybody says is just head and shoulders above everybody else, it's Hickson. Can you see the shirt? No. It's hard to see, man. Hold on. There.

It says, what it says is, don't be coward, don't run off the fight. That's a Waleed Ismail t-shirt. It's on. We got it. Don't be coward, don't run off the fight. Then he had that printed. Yeah. Are you sure you want to spell it?

This is my fin for you. Say, don't be coward. Sir, but it says, don't be coward. Understand, I know. Don't be a coward? No, don't be coward Sir But it says don't be coward Understand I know Don't be a coward? No Don't be coward Not a day Okay I'm gonna have to

Have you initial this Really quick for me Just put your initials right here And right there And right there I'm not scared You wanna take a look at it One more time

One more time It's perfect for him He probably looks at it And goes that's exactly What I wanna say Don't be coward Don't run off the fight That's fucking awesome That's brilliant I would never i had one and i lost it

and i'm so sad that i lost it now does he go home and just be like hey hon how's it going i'm home he's a super cool guy like is that a character he's the nice guy no no no it's like a character because when the camera comes on he he's playing the camera camera sort of like chael sonnen he's the brazilian chael sonnen he's talking shit and selling fights but he's playing the camera sort of like Chael Sonnen. He's the Brazilian Chael Sonnen. He's talking shit and selling fights, but he's also talking shit because he's a bad motherfucker. This guy choked Hoist Gracie completely unconscious. He caught Hoist Gracie in a clock choke in a

jiu-jitsu match and put him to sleep. This is after Hoist became huge. Hoist was giant because of the UFC, and he did this on the beach in Brazil in front of everybody. Remember that? Exactly. And he's super nice. Every time I run into him backstage at the UFC, it happens a lot. Generous, friendly hugs.

He's a good dude. Super, super happy guy. I mean. He's a jiu-jitsu legend, for sure. There's a handful of legends in jiu-jitsu, but Waleed Ismail is definitely a legend. Just the fact that he choked out Hoist Gracie like that. And you know what?

As a brown belt, he went against our master, Jean-Jacques Machado. And he lost, but it was a close match. And Jean-Jacques was a black belt. Everybody was scared of Jean-Jacques at that point. No one wanted to step up. But Valide, as a brown belt, stepped up. He lost, but damn. It was a battle.

It wasn't easy. His jiu-jitsu is very strong. He's just a bull. He's just a bull of a man. And he will not give up. And he cuts through dudes, man. He's strong strong as fuck and one of the nicest guys ever we had a great picture it's still on my myspace page my myspace page is like it's like an abandoned playground but if you go into my photos there's one of us with waleed we're all screaming jiu-jitsu

yeah yeah it's on my mind it's on my myspace too i got it up there it's a classic myspace.com slash the twister yeah and if they want to find eddie that's where it's at my MySpace too. I got it up there. It's a classic. MySpace.com slash the twister. Yeah, and if you want to find Eddie, that's where it's at. Damn, this show's been going on for an hour, two hours, and 20 minutes. By the way, Joe, you got to check out Pet Sementary. No, I don't. Yes, it's great. How dare you? I don't want to know about that.

Funny or die. No, it's on funny or die. You know what I've been reading that I'm fucking hooked on? Stephen King's son. Stephen King's son is named Joe Hill, and he's a horror writer as well. Really fucking good. I'm reading this book called The Heart-Shaped Box. Somebody put it on the message board. They put that

his son's a writer. So I said, fuck it, I'll buy it on the iPad. I got the Kindle thing on the iPad. It's a fucking great book, man. Just like his dad. It's like he inherited his dad's brain. I mean, it's fucking good. I'm halfway into this book. It's a total page turner. Maybe he wrote it for his son? You would love it's fucking good i'm halfway into this book it's a total page maybe he wrote it for his son you would love it it's about a fucking rock star who uh is

like a goth dude who's like into all kinds of creepy weird shit like he's got like a head from a guy who had been tortured and he puts fucking like pens in the in the skull sounds like marilyn manson exactly that kind of it's just a crazy old goth dude, and he buys a ghost online. Someone's selling a dead man's suit, and this woman is selling it and saying that there's a ghost that comes along with it. This guy thinks for a goof he's going to buy this fucking suit, and it's going to be kind of cool. But the dead man actually does haunt him. Dude, it's fun, man. It's a fucking page-turner.

It's a good, goddamn, well-written book. Fucking something about books, man. You can get so deep into a story with a book that you just can't get in a movie. and Page Turner. It's a good, goddamn, well-written book. Fucking something about books, man. You know, you can get so deep into a story with a book that you just can't get in a movie. I want to see everything.

You know, I love movies. I love the fact that it's like a two-hour ordeal and it's over and I'm out of there. I'm like,

that was pretty cool. They wrapped it up nice. But there's something fucking killer about books, man. I didn't appreciate that for a long time. For a long time,

I didn't appreciate just the flat imagination of sitting there reading text. But there's something cool in that i like how you build your own characters in your head see that this person has a certain look to you in your head that is your own unique way of thinking about what this person looks yeah and they can make some really exciting shit that's just completely unrealistic for a regular movie you don't have to have giant fucking special effects budgets and didn't have to be crazy

off the charts. But they're just describing it with their words and creating this incredible picture in your own head. You know? What am I saying? Reading is good.

Reading is fundamental, ladies and gentlemen. This show, like all shows, bitches, brought to you by the fleshlight. Holla back if you buy it online

on joerogan.net. I believe you get 15% off. And one of the reasons, there's two reasons why we let this sponsor our podcast. One is because we met with Chris, one of the guys who runs – That we're going to hang out with in Austin. Yeah, we're going to hang out with him in Austin, Texas when we go there for the UFC. Just a super cool, chill dude, and it just seemed like – And the other thing was that I think it's a, for real, legit good product.

I use it, and it's way better than just beaten off. And because I think it's ridiculous that people think that there's something taboo about it. I think that's silly. I don't know what it is. But there's something that I think is absolutely ridiculous that people think is something silly about pursuing pleasure. Can you use it in the shower? Fuck yes, son. Yeah, totally.

I think that's the best spot. We should really talk to Chris, though, about getting a Fleshlight Owl version of it it could be your own personal Fleshlight Owl I always yeah I always talk about this book and this is a book that I talked about with Dane Cook

and I've talked about it with other people before I've given this book to a bunch of my friends I give it to you Brian it's called The War of Art I want to give it to you

I want you to read this shit have you ever given this book? no for creative people it's one of the best books and I'm not getting paid for this this is just my own recommendation it's a fucking fantastic book if you're an artist if you're a comedian if you're ari and i were just having a conversation about this today because ari uh took a um uh what

are those adderalls he took an adderall which is why he can't be here today because he's cleaning up his house that's awesome really yeah yeah ari's been on a positive kick lately man we've been having some really cool conversations we had a really cool one today where he was talking about burying past enemies letting old grudges go and he's trying to be more healthy with his mind and we talked about how he's on this Adderall he takes an Adderall and now he wants to fucking clean his house up

he wants to write material and he was like it's so crazy that if you worked as an accountant you would want while you're at work you'd want to sneak away and write jokes. But when you're not, when you're a comedian, you don't ever sit in front of the fucking computer and actually write jokes. It's like you find a way to fuck off and not do it. And it's all explained by this book.

This book is a fascinating look into the psychology of creativity. Not just about writing, but I think it applies to any kind of art, any kind of thing where you're supposed to be dedicating a certain amount of time to thinking about things it's fucking fantastic so I bought a stack of them because I wanted to give Dane Cook one when he was here and I couldn't find it so I just bought a new stack so just google that shit buy it online

I'm telling you it's a quick easy read it's only like 100 pages or some shit it's not much to it 163 pages it's not that much. You can get a lot out of it just from a couple of chapters. You don't have to read the whole thing. Just listen to what that fucking guy says and just try it.

Just force yourself to create. There's a lot of shit going on that you distract yourself with that's not really that necessary. That's my message for the day. Thank you very much. That's my positive message. Brian, do you have anything to say before we wrap this up? No.

Check out my video, though, Pet Cementary. Did you make this video? Yeah. Oh, okay. It's only a minute long. It's at Funny or Die. One guy, one cup sort of a situation. I've gotten in trouble with it already.

You got in trouble with it? Already getting in trouble. Please spell this video out for our friends. Pet, P-E-T, and then the next word is cemetery, but semen. S-E-M-E-n-t-a-r-y sementary sementary hmm and what is it about uh two young guys finding love really yeah it's funny yeah i'm getting you want to watch it right now how long is it uh put on your computer how long is it one minute long one minute long yeah okay we're gonna watch this and then we're gonna we're

gonna give you our thoughts about this and that's how we we're going to end the show, ladies and gentlemen. Is this on YouTube? It's Funny or Die. Funny or Die? I'm not putting it on YouTube because it'll get fucked up. What will happen? You'll see. Is this illegal?

Am I doing something illegal? No, no, it's not illegal at all, but it's edited to look illegal. It's typing Pet Cementary. Pet Cementary. Pet Cementary. Here it is. We're going to watch it. But I can't turn my volume on. All right, I can't talk while this is going on.

That's what's going on. Don't watch it then. Close your eyes. We'll see. Okay, what we're watching is Brian and his friend Ari and their fucking animals. Oh my god. What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

Oh my God. You should be in jail. You should be in jail for that. All right, you got to see that. Ladies and gentlemen, that was just... I don't want you to see this. I don't want you to watch it because I know you'll feel less about Brian

and I know you'll think less about Ari. Explain that for me. Why is it Pet Semen, Terry? Because they were fucking animals and shooting semen inside of them. Didn't you watch the video? Semen. But it's like cemetery.

Oh my God. This is strange. You don't know what we're talking about? They played that live in front of the last naughty show. Did they really? Yeah. How did people react?

People just went crazy, I guess. They cheered? People were in disgust cheering, laughing It's pretty raw. It's pretty funny though. TMZ was there too. Really?

What did TMZ have to say about you? They didn't say anything about you. You guys should have been naked. You were almost there. I know. Did you guys think about being naked and actually just going for it? No.

Aria actually took it too far. Did he fuck your cat for real? Yeah. He went to the bathroom with both the cat and the dog afterwards and he said he was just giving them love and petting them. Oh, shut up, Brian. I know when you're making things up. You can't trick me.

Did you pull your dicks out for real ever? No, no. Ari did pull down his pants. So this is all legal. He pulled down his pants. But you could have hid your cock with the dog. It's all about editing. Eddie's a lawyer. He's going to give you advice. This is how you get away with this.

It's all about editing. If you're going to make sure, you hide your cock with the dog. If you saw the raw video of it, it's just us like, give us love. Oh, yeah, love. But we're like rocking while we're doing it.

When you're making out with the cat and you got your mouth over her face. Oh, I actually was on the side of his mouth and I was just like... It's hard to watch, man. It feels like you're doing something wrong. We're just giving him a little lovin's. That's almost bestiality.

It's totally bestiality. It's Showtime bestiality. Showtime bestiality. I was dating a girl once that was in one of those movies. I dated her and we only dated like a short period of time. And then I saw her on this movie like many, many, many, many, many years later. She was on one of those fucking crazy late night porn slash movies where she was getting banged. Some dude was banging her in her bed, but the position was all off.

You know, like his dick was like way down here. I was like, this dick ain't hitting that pussy. It ain't even close dick his dick was like way down here i was like this dick ain't hitting that pussy you know you're close but i was like look at this dirty bitch what a weird job those chicks that only do that kind of porn yeah that's all they do it's like you know it's just terrible acting it never goes inside it never goes inside she doesn't let you no penetration sorry your pussy And it's totally cool. Dude's just like ramming his taped balls.

They get a close-up on her. I think they tape their dick to the side. I wonder what they get. Dudes get hard. A buddy of mine did one of those. He had to do a scene like that with a chick,

and she goes, you can fuck me if you want to. And he was like, oh, how many times have you said that? That's all I can think of. You actually can have sex in those movies?

Oh, yeah. People do it all the time apparently if you see there was that movie what was the there was nine and a half weeks of Mickey Rourke and then there was the

the sequel Velvet Violet Wild Orchid that's it Wild Orchid very strong very strong

anyway apparently Mickey Rourke and his girlfriend were in that movie Mickey Rourke really fucked his girlfriend in that movie yeah everybody saw it.

But how often do you think that happens? It probably doesn't happen too much. I don't know if it happens very often at all. I think Mickey Rourke was just completely out of control then. He was boxing. He had his fucking face implanted. He was going crazy. You remember?

Yeah. Remember when he had cheekbones put in? Aren't they still in? I think you have to have special permits. No, he had them removed, man. He got them removed? Yeah, for sure. He doesn't look the same anymore if you go and look at there was there was a period of time a dark period for mickey rourke he was in this tupac movie and he was on steroids it was gigantic just jacked like a fucking professional bodybuilder and he was

playing like some street fighter boxing character that was like the the bottom you know he like completely bottomed out and then came back and now he's in like iron man 2 and shit. And he's in, you know, giant blockbuster movies and shit. He's like doing awesome. But for a long time, he was like off the deep end crazy. After he was a huge, huge two star, huge A-list, then went like Kiss when Kiss went into boxing at the end of Kiss where there were a joke. He became a joke. Nobody wanted to work with him and then apparently robert rodriguez said like you know like quentin tarantino and those dudes that they like to bring in like yeah weird

characters john travolta he resurrected john travolta career yeah same thing john travolta was kind of a joke mickey rourke is a badass actor he's a bad motherfucker yeah he's been in this fucking the steven seagal the steven seagal, Stallone movie, which is a silly movie. Even in that movie, Mickey Rourke stole the scenes. When he was in the scenes, he's so real. I mean, he's such a, you know, there's some dudes who are just so good at that acting thing, you know, and he's one of them. He's a, he's a bad motherfucker at it.

He quit in the middle of being a giant movie star to become a boxer. He couldn't get any parts. Was that what it was? I think, I think, didn't he, The story is, who knows if it's true, but the story is he got blackballed because Robert De Niro, Angel Heart, they had such a feud or whatever. That Robert De Niro said,

this is the story, it could be all rumors, that Robert De Niro said basically if whatever movie company he was signed with, if you work with that dude again, I'm not going to work with you. So people, that's the story. I've never heard, you can't just have a story like that.

You've got to research that shit on the internet, son. Hey, that's like the... Have you ever heard this story? That's like the Rock Stewart stomach pump story. We have to find this out. We're going to end the show, but before we end the show, we must find out if this is true. Otherwise, we're spreading some crazy rumor.

I said, that's the rumor. About why Mickey Rourke fought. I didn't make that up. I know, but let's find out what the actual... That's like the gerbil with Richard Gere. There's no... I know, there is a real rumor. I'm sure somebody actually told it to you.

But was it just someone in high school? Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro, Black Ball. Black Ball, yeah, that's good. Black Ball from Hollywood. I don't believe this. What say ye, Twitter? I will let you people answer because I know there's some fucking movie buffs out there.

I'm following you. I'm following the Twitter feed right now. Someone please tell me if this is true or if this is horse shit. Was Mickey Rourke really blackballed from Hollywood?

Ready? It's not coming up with anything on Google, I wish. Nobody gives a fuck about this show, dude. No one's paying attention. I'm asking for help

of getting nothing. Let's try it. Everyone's out. yeah maybe maybe the show ended a long time ago maybe we don't realize it but my wi-fi is shitty all week uh east coast everyone's going out to the bars right now to watch strike force yeah so what's happening brian it is strike force starts in a half an hour oh shit boom boom boom yeah nothing so i'm not seeing shit. No one has an answer for me. All right, you fucks. That's how you guys want to do it?

All right. No one's helping me, man. How many people were watching this show, Brian? It was 900 last I looked. That's as good as we ever got to do, ladies and gentlemen. And on that note, anything else to say? What do you got there? Nothing.

Joey Diaz is... What are you playing? I was just going to have some ending music for you. What is it? Is it gay? No. It sounded gay. Let's hear it.

Oh, Michael Jackson. I was just talking with a woman today who says that she believes that Michael Jackson was castrated. I believe it. She says there's no way a man can sing like that. She was like a woman who would know this kind of thing. Like someone who's very wise and in the business. She says she believes he was castrated. What a great excuse for someone who wants to be a transsexual.

Did I cut my dick off? I'm not gay. Well, do you know that there's a thing called the castratos? There's a type of singing in Italy, like opera singing, where they castrate the boys and sell them into an indentured servitude to work as a castrato. That's like a real thing. I don't know the entire details of it,

but they take out your testicles so you can reach higher notes. There's a certain sound that they have. Hit that again. Billie Jean? Yeah. I mean, just stop and think about... you're just out there surfing, you fuck. No, I was looking for a different song.

That's a good one. Okay. Here we go. Don't you think it's a good one? Mm-hmm. Think about this. And if someone told you, hey, this is my favorite man. I love how he sings.

Think about this. Think about Michael Jackson. Think about this. Listen to this Think about If you never knew Michael Jackson Ever You were raised

In a fucking island And then you come to LA And you hear about This fucking singer Think about You'd be tripping The fuck out You'd be tripping The fuck out You'd go Who is this It's always a Then you come to L.A. and you hear about this fucking singer. Think about it. You'd be tripping the fuck out. You'd be tripping the fuck out.

You'd go, who is this? Oh, he's a Marilyn Manson type pop guy. Yeah. He's like Marilyn Manson. They go, no, no, no, no. He's not Marilyn Manson? He's so good. Keep it playing in the background.

Dude, he went through. What are you doing? He went from black to white in front of the whole world on album covers. The biggest albums in rock history or music history, he did it. You just put the album covers together and go, oh, shit. Yeah, but that's a disease. He's got vitiligo. But the really crazy thing is he turned himself into a freak in front of the world. Cut his face up.

Changed his chin. He was the biggest music star ever. Bigger than Elvis. Bigger than the Beatles. Michael Jackson's number one with a bullet. No one's been more talented. No one's been more striking. And the guy became a freak in front of the world. And he had an excuse.

He became a white guy. I mean, look at the nose, look at the hair, look at the color of the skin. I know a black girl who has the same skin disease he has. She has dark brown makeup. She has dark... He did a bunch of crazy shit, too. I mean, he did a lot of shit to his face. He would never admit it. He said he only had his nose fixed so he

could breathe better. He had like a gang of shit done. And when he was on Barbara Walters, Barbara Walters was checking him, going Michael, what do you look at? What do you see when you look in the mirror? He goes, I don't look in mirrors, Barbara. He said he don't look in the mirror. But, He was so

Fucking talented That it wasn't enough To creep people out Exactly People still Wanted to hear this guy sing And watch him dance Yep

Nobody ever Moved like him You can get away With a lot of shit If you write good music Look at like Queen Look at Elton John

You can get away With a lot People will You get away Just being gay now Like a lot of singers Are coming out and saying they're gay. No one cares. Like, fuck, that song's awesome.

Yeah, no one cares anymore. If Michael Jackson came out before he died and said he was gay. Some people will, but who cares? Most people will. You don't need him. Most people won't. But no one had never moved like Michael Jackson. Like, remember when we watched that James Brown video with Joey?

Yeah. James Brown was totally on another place and another dimension and another. But his was a very masculine way. Yeah. You know, his was, ow! Da-da-da-da-da.

Ow! You know, there was some, there was sex and masculinity to it. This was like feminine and beautiful and the way he moved was like so, like so pure.

Like his movements were so fucking crisp and he would hit them, bang! Like when he, when he would pull his pants up and go up on the tip of his toes, he'd be like, god damn! When he would moonwalk, when he would hit him bang like when he when he would pull his pants up and go up on the tip of his toes he'd be like god damn when he would moonwalk and when he would moonwalk he would just glide so gracefully i'll admit it though i had never been a fan of michael jackson's music

ever i'd listen all the songs a million times it's not gonna grow on me i've listened to this song a million times never been a fan i went to go see that michael jackson movie this is it to make fun of it just to be like i thought was going to be just a freak show. Man, I am a fan now of that motherfucker's creativity. The way he commanded that whole show. All these producers, they're just bowing down to him. Everywhere he walked, he had command of everything. And he's an amazing performer.

I went in there to laugh at him. I came out a big fan. Still won't buy any of his CDs. It's just not my vibe. He did that movie. But God damn, he's awesome. performer. I went in there to laugh at him. I came out a big fan. Still won't buy any of his CDs. It's just not my vibe. You did that movie. But God damn, he's awesome. You gotta be starting something. What is that song?

You wanna be starting something? Which one is that? You wanna be starting something? I don't think I have that. You wanna be starting something? I think the end of Thriller, the end of it. He breaks into this groove live that's fucking amazing that I would take. I would fucking, I mean, that shit is just amazing.

And he played it live. I never heard it before. I don't think I've ever gotten to that total end of Thriller, but I was impressed. I became a fan. As a performer, he really took things to a crazy place where you were so confident that he was absolutely in control of every move that he made. It was jaw-dropping to watch. It was like the way he would move was so fucking powerful. He choreographed all his shit.

His dancing, he had, he would make everyone, when they auditioned motherfuckers, they all had to be, they told him straight up because you are an extension of Michael Jackson. You're not trying to bring no flavor. Don't try to bring your own flavor into this. You are an extension of Michael Jackson. So

there's certain parts of the songs where everyone's doing the same thing he's doing. And then they go off and then Michael Jackson has his, he's got like 16 bars where he can freestyle. No one tells him what to do. He goes, I'm going to be right here going off. And then he gets back into the show and then it's all choreographed. And then he comes out and goes, this is just my shit. I'm just going to do. It was all his shit.

He had the craziest dance style ever. No one's ever danced like Michael Jackson to songs and performed them. There's never been anybody like that motherfucker. It's almost like he had more inside him that he had to let out. It's like he was so tortured. Like, that's what you sense from his performance. Like, it was so powerful and crisp and electric. And it was almost because he had so much inner turmoil that it had to that's how it came

out it came out in his movements it was something about watching it where you felt for him you felt what he was doing like you didn't it wasn't just a guy dancing and a guy singing it's like the intense expression that he was using to dance and sing it's like he was reaching these emotional points these emotional peaks that you're like fuck fuck, man, that dude is out there. That motherfucker was so talented that people were just like, you know what, he might be fucking with kids. So what? They put on his album.

People forgave his ass. Eddie, I want to clarify something. Sleeping over with kids and locking the door. People were like, whatever, there's no proof, there's no video, whatever. Eddie, you didn't like him up until watching that movie, though? I never was a fan of his music. That movie's so shitty.

What are you talking about? This is amazing. That movie's one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen in my life. Dude, you like Nacho Libre, so shut the fuck up. Come on. You like Nacho Libre. I never liked him. Okay, but let's not get upset at each other for liking one thing that the other person doesn't like.

I thought This Is It was amazing. I did not watch the whole thing, but I watched part of it while I was getting tattooed, and I found it't like. I thought This Is It was amazing. I did not watch the whole thing but I watched part of it while I was getting tattooed and I found it pretty fascinating. It was amazing. I thought it was an in-depth look

at him talking and interacting with people that you don't get a chance to see in real time. I've seen it like ten times on ten different documentaries

in the past. I haven't. Maybe I liked it a lot and you didn't because I'm a musician. You know what I mean? If it was about golf, if it was about Tiger Woods,

you might not like it, but this golf fan worshipped it. If that movie came out when Michael Jackson was alive, he would be pissed off because that's how bad that movie was. I don't know about that, man. A lot of people liked it. Joey Diaz rants and raves about that movie. To him, it was an enjoyable experience.

You got to see backstage the show put together. I agree. I've seen a lot of documentaries with Michael Jackson. That was the worst one. That's all I'm saying. I understand it was the worst to you,

but what I'm saying is there's a lot of people that thought it was fascinating. It was done very quickly and slapped together, but I think that's part of the interesting aspect of it. There's a lot of raw data.

I wasn't looking at the production. I was looking at all this lost footage of him backstage and practicing and rehearsing. There's a lot of putting it all together and the auditions. That was amazing shit the way it was all put together. I may be a retard, but when I left

I cried a couple fucking times and I was like, this motherfucker is a... When he started breaking down, I'm like, I can understand why you wouldn't like it, Brian, because you're not into that shit, but I can also understand why he would love it, because he really is into that shit. I'm a big Michael Jackson it. I can understand why you wouldn't like it, Brian, because you're not into that shit. But I could also understand why he would love it, because he really is into that shit. No, no, no. I'm a big Michael Jackson fan.

I have every single album right here on my computer. It's just that I found that the most piss-poor production. I don't have a dog in this race, because I honestly did not watch the whole thing. I only watched maybe 20, 30 minutes of it. I thought it was interesting. No, I'm just saying I didn't like it. I was just amazed at his whole career that you didn't like him but then seeing that movie I still don't like the music

what documentaries have you not liked that I liked? was there anything that I really loved and you hated? was there anything that I really loved that you hated? we have pretty similar tastes what movies annoyed you that didn't annoy me? anything that you can think of? I know there's been some

I'm more tolerant for retarded movies than you are. You know what movie I just saw for the first time? What? And that I liked?

I was shocked. I'm not a zombie movie fan at all. Zombieland? No, no. Resident Evil 1? Oh, that's pretty good. Dude.

I liked it. Did you like it? You didn't like it? I liked it. It was the first. It was the best excuse for zombies. Did you watch it?

I liked it. I'm like, okay. What was that? Did you watch it with your check? Yes. Did. I'm like, okay. What was that? Did you watch it with your check? Yes. Did you not see Zombieland? I saw that too. It was cool.

It was cool. But the excuses for the zombies, like I liked the scientific one from Resident Evil. It was like a hot, you know, the cutting edge of science. There's only one. There's only one. 28 Days Later. Every other zombie movie needs to shut the fuck up. Shaun of the Dead.

Yeah, but that's kind of funny That's not Not the same As far as like Scary zombie movies 28 days later Is the shit You ever seen that?

I'm not I don't remember That's the English movie I don't remember The sequel wasn't bad either Not bad Yeah not as good But not bad

Pretty fucking good man Phew It's a realistic scenario It's a biological weapon That they're creating They're testing out on chimpanzees. A bunch of animal rights activists come in and break into the testing lab and release the chimps. The chimps attack them and just start ripping them apart.

It's some new drug called Rage. It's a biological weapon. Takes off from the chimps. Gets into people. Anything happens. Spit gets in your eye. Blood from a person. They bite you.

You're infected instantly. And you become one of these fucking crazy zombies. Like a super, super-powered steroid rabies. Are they really zombies, though? Yeah. They're fucking eyes turned total red. They're fucking just trying to eat human flesh. Really?

Dude, you gotta watch it. Great movie. It's dope. Okay. And it's believable. If you think about the diseases that we have, just think about rabies. Rabies will turn some raccoon

into some crazy motherfucker that wants to come into your house and try to kill you like people have been attacked by raccoons when they're on rabies they kill dogs when they're on rabies but is it but is that you think that's zombie though it seems like it's just if they came up with anything look if there's a way that you can change people's behavior through a parasite through introducing some sort of a a bacteria or a disease into their system which we know you can you know we know about that cat parasite. We've talked about that from Brazil. Yeah, for sure.

But isn't the definition of a zombie someone who was dead and then later came back to life somehow? That's the part where you've got to have a good reason for. You were dead, and then you came back. Well, if a parasite came in and took over your body, and if it wasn't for the parasite, you'd be dead. If it hijacks your central nervous system and kills your mind, and your mind no longer exists, literally there's a. If it's using, if it hijacks your central nervous system and kills your mind, and your mind no longer

exists, literally there's a parasite living in your brain, connected to all your nervous system, and running your shit remotely. Okay, so then that can be considered a zombie? Sure. Yeah, wouldn't you think? I'm just asking questions here. I don't know the true definition of zombie. This is a realistic possibility. There's a fish that has a

parasite, a bunch of fish rather, and this parasite takes the place of the fish's tongue and eats the tongue. It's the craziest thing to look at. I forget what the name of it is, but if you Google fish tongue parasite, if you're ambitious, you'll find it. No. This is the crazy thing. The fish stay alive because this parasite becomes its tongue,

and it helps it swallow food. It literally clings to the inside of its mouth and takes the place of its tongue. The fish no longer has a tongue. Instead, it has a parasite that helps it swallow food. It literally clings to the inside of its mouth and takes the place of its tongue. The fish no longer has a tongue. Instead, it has a parasite that helps it eat because it needs it to get food down its throat. So the parasite eats food. Does it eat all the food? Just some of it. It eats a lot of the food.

It eats some of the food. So the fish swims around, catches all this food, and the parasite eats it with him. But if the parasite died or left, the fish is fucked. It's like giant acidophilus. Something, but it eats your tongue and leaves you with nothing there. So if the parasite decides to commit suicide and leave the fish's

mouth, there's no tongue anymore. Do parasites have parasites? They must. It's an endless cycle. It's a good question. Do Amazonian hot bitches have vaginal parasites? Can you imagine that? I heard about it length of the Amazon?

Did you see that? I heard about it. What the fuck? Somebody get that guy a hobby, right? There's a 14-year-old girl from Holland, I think. Yeah, from Holland, who just got permission to sail around the world. She's 14. She's going to sail around the world.

What the fuck is wrong with people? She's dead. What the fuck is wrong with people? By herself? By herself. She's dead. What the fuck is wrong with people? Why do they want to do such crazy, dangerous? By herself? By herself. She's dead. What the fuck is wrong with people? Why do they want to do such crazy, dangerous shit? One storm and you're fucked.

Well, just why do it? If you want to get over to Brazil or if you want to get to China, why don't you get in a plane? Why do you want to go by a rowboat? Is that really going to be more of a thrill? Some people like a joint. Moving on the edge? Yeah.

That's like, fuck a plane. You're not even going on a good boat. You're taking a boat that has to get there by the wind. That's so stupid. That's the dumbest. You know what I think is stupid too? Is people like me and like you who fucking hate getting on planes. And we're like, we hate, we do it so much that we hate getting on a fucking rocket ship

with the craziest view ever. We love these views from the Hollywood Hills houses and from the top of Mandalay Bay. Look at this view. We get on a plane that crushes all those views, smashes them, and we're like, fuck this flight. We get an awesome view for two hours and we hate it.

It kind of looks all the same. It's boring. It's boring usually, but I try to retrain my thought and try to appreciate that. Sometimes I'm on a plane and I look out the window and I'm trying to enjoy, I put my iPod on, good music, I just focus on the beauty that you'll never see again. The way the clouds are formed, like it's the ultimate in randomness. Like clouds will never be, that moment will never be like that again. The stars and the sun, they're like clocks.

They will always be there. Right. Clouds and all, you know, it'll never be the same ever. Every moment is. I write some of my best shit in planes. I write some of my best shit in planes looking out the window because it's so humbling. Yeah. It's something about the experience.

It just gives me this little extra tingle of fear that I think makes the writing better. A tingle of humility. You know, it's just like, bitch, you're in a tube flying through air. Yeah. You know, above everything. How are we doing this? Especially when you, if you eat in a tube flying through air above everything. How are we doing this? Especially if you eat a cookie right before you take off.

Or some straight hash oil. I went to teach a seminar in the UK a long time ago and drank this hash oil. I wanted it to go to sleep. And I was so lucky. I got the whole roll to myself. It was like fucking first class. I'm laying down on the whole roll. Take this whole jar of hash oil. I'm going to sleep the whole way. I didn't sleep. I got the whole roll to myself. It was like fucking first class. I'm laying down on the whole roll. Take this whole jar of hash oil.

I'm going to sleep the whole way. I didn't sleep. My eyes were closed, but it was the brightest shit I've ever seen. It was as bright as this. No kidding. And man, dude, I came up with the craziest shit all the way to England. Just put together this stupid movie in my head. Remember I told you about Gang Bang? I ended up being a ripoff of Mamma but it's like my version of gangbang and um

i couldn't stop putting the scenes together putting the whole story together and developing the characters and everything i couldn't stop i wanted to go to sleep but the movie had to be done in my fucking head dude it was amazing dude when you eat something when you eat weed and you are in a humbling situation like that like when you're in in the air flying through the air like that and you're at high altitude too like i think when you're in a plane it's some it's it replicates being in like denver like as far as like the amount of air that you can get so you get drunker and you get higher so if you're eating some shit and you get on a plane oh my god i've had some life-changing experiences high as fuck on a plane totally a lot of fucking ideas and decisions get made high on planes a lot of life

changing shit dude we travel so much and how many times have you and i like right about to get on a plane eat a cookie get on the plane like you feeling this yet not yet not yet but like we go to england dude that's a must how about when we went to England once for the UFC you gave me some shit like some breath strips or whatever

and I went to sleep and sometimes that shit doesn't hit you for like 8 hours it was like a delay I woke up in England you had a lot of food in your stomach

I woke up in England that's probably what it was I woke up in England and while we were going through customs woof I'm like there's something wrong with me i thought there was something wrong with me all of a sudden it hit it hit like a fucking two-ton brick that is the worst time ever to be high because what are you doing here i'm like i don't know let me tell you about eddie eddie has

a past he got pulled over having a gun in his car. Totally legit. He was working for a check cashing store. He's supposed to have a gun. He wasn't a criminal. But just because they caught him with a gun, that shit's on his record. So every time we go to Canada for the UFC, he gets pulled aside. Yeah, it's a big pain in the ass. What happened? What happened?

The microphone's dead. Check, check. One, two. Your microphone stopped. No, this shit's still working, dude Your microphone stopped I don't know what happened There it goes, now it's back What happened, Brian?

I don't know Hello, check, check There we go, it's back Okay Anyway, that's a good way to end this show This is a fucking three-hour show, goddammit Goddammit Strike forces in eight

This is officially the longest of our podcast ever I'm sorry, Hope you enjoyed it. Can I give one last plug? Yeah, plug it up, bitch. A new episode of 10th Planet Kush will be out this week for the next UFC, The Boston Show, starring Joey Karate. It's hilarious. Subscribe to my YouTube, youtube.com slash, or no, youtube.com slash, I forget. What is your?

Twister Eddie. Twister Eddie. Slash Twister Eddie. Subscribe. The new one. We're going to change the name to MMA Wild. So I keep forgetting that because 10th Planet Kush is pretty badass. I say you keep it because people know it.

You think so? Yes, because you told me MMA Wild. I had to remember it three times. But when I go looking for 10th Planet Kush, I always know. I think it's perfect because it's got weed in there. It's got 10th Planet. It's everything. It's everything.

Son, keep that shit. Joey wanted MMA Wild, so I don't know. Joey's trying to get out of the... We don't need to talk about weed, cocksucker. I'm trying to get a sitcom. Trying to get something on the Discovery Channel. You think that's what it is? Listen, cocksucker, the people at Disney, they're that close.

I don't want to work anymore, motherfucker. I don't want to get on a plane. I'm 300 pounds. I got a breathing machine. Eddie Bravo. I love you with all my heart, but do me a favor. Take the fucking kush off. Take the fucking kush off.

MMA wild. It's fucking wild. It's MMA. Come on. Let's do this. Hey, those of you on Twitter land, what do you think? Should we keep it 10th Planet Kush or should we go MMA wild? Joey's listening to agents.

Joey's trying to do the right thing. Joey's trying to get a gig. That's what Joey's listening to agents. Joey's trying to do the right thing. Joey's trying to get a gig. That's what he's trying to do. He's trying to get a gig. He doesn't like Brian. Brian has a video of him smoking weed. What happened with that, Brian? We had one video where he was smoking weed in it, and he made me take it down.

Take that down. And I'm like, wait, don't you have a show that you interview pot stores? You smoke weed in pot stores. Oh, we had them all taken down. He had them all taken down? Yeah, maybe he's trying to clean this shit up. No, we had them all taken down. Maybe he's trying to clean his shit up. There's nothing wrong with it. It's beautiful.

I think he should embrace it. Only go with it. What we've got to do is figure out a way to make Joey famous as a comic. It's almost a travesty when we go on the road and Joey and Ari as well. Ari should be a headliner too. But these guys are headliners. They're both headliners and they're opening for me. People should be paying to see Joey Dia well. Ari should be a headliner too. But these guys are headliners. They're both headliners, and they're opening for me.

People should be paying to see Joey Diaz. They should be going and seeing Joey Diaz do a 45-minute set. Joey doesn't like to do long sets like that. He's a monster for like 15, 20 minutes. That's what he's best at. He crushes. When he opened for you, when you taped your last special for Spike, I had never seen him dominate.

Does anybody have that? Yeah, I have it Where is it at? That should have been on your extras on the DVD No? He crushed it He doesn't have anything except a couple of Showtime specials

He wants to make sure We're going to do something with him I think at Sal's Comedy Hole Where we set up some cameras And have Joey film there two nights in a row and have a killer set and make a DVD. I don't think it would be too hard to convince Dana to produce

like a Joey Diaz little special, little Spike special, man. Dude, he would crush on Spike. It's hard to do a Spike special because they need a name. Yes, he would crush. What he would crush on is some sort of a television show where people get to know him, but to do a one-off special, you gotta have a name that's unfortunately the problem what we need to do is get something and promote it through my website and promote it through twitter

and get it out there you know and get comedy central to do something with them that's that's what what joey is is as rare down and dirty out there in the jungle comedian joey will go and do 20 minutes at a mexican restaurant tonight and like he'll like joe rogan i got this fucking new place i'm trying down near pasadena you know it's always like this fucking guy louis alvarez send me down there it's the bomb they got good pulled pork and you fucking get a free sandwich you go on stage you do 20 minutes and he'll he'll do fucking 20 minutes for 50 bucks here he'll do you know this guy throws me 100 i go down there i go to san covina i go down there i do a fucking set he's a. I go down there. I do a fucking set.

That's fucking hysterical. He's a wild man. So he's like always working on his act. He's always like hustling. He's always going from place to place, you know? Joey's always putting new shit together. He's always like piecing this out. He's like doing comedy on the grind. He's a comic hustler.

Yeah. He's doing comedy hustling on the grind. Picking up twos and ones and hundreds and fifties and slapping it all together with some fucking residuals. You know what? They're filming, someone's filming a documentary on him all this week. They're following him to all these gigs. Yeah, yeah, he told me about this. Did he tell you?

Yeah, that's what they should do. Someone should do it. He's a real American original. There's no, dude, he should be gigantic. He's that fucking funny. Let me show you something here. This is what Joey looked like when I met him This was Joey when I met him

Joey was like 200 pounds Maybe 220 He was a fucking Like a thug looking Big pussy looking character He was like a big football player dude Yeah

And in the time that I knew him, in 10 plus years, he gained, fuck, almost 200 pounds. And then he lost 100. Then he lost 100, which is incredible. That's incredible. How many people do that? I mean, the Joey Karate that did the

intros to DVD and the Joey Karate Now. Totally different human. It's half his size. It's ridiculous. He was ginormous. What an unusual human being that guy is you know i mean i am one of the things i'm very fortunate about i mean i'm fortunate about everything basically i'm the luckiest dude ever but one of the things i'm fortunate is all the cool friends that i've managed to meet and and be friends with and and keep in my life all the years you know and and you guys too you know you guys are both uh good friends of mine.

And I want to hug this out. Be friends, Brian. Pay attention. If you turn on the air conditioning, we can be your friends. Oh, I didn't turn it on? Yeah, it's pretty warm in here. But Joey is one of those rare dudes where it's like, wow, I might not ever meet a guy like him ever in my life. Or you. I don't think I'll meet another you.

And you ain't meeting another me, bitch. You ain't meeting another me either, you. Oh, thank you. And you ain't meeting another me, bitch. I doubt it. You ain't meeting another me either, stupid. Brian, what is that hat? That is like some Illuminati. Legend of Zelda. What is it? Legend of Zelda?

Yeah. Hey, did you hear about that guy that is suing, the Hawaiian guy who is suing some South Korean game company because he can't function? He's so addicted to this game that he can't function. Yeah. I can see that. A judge is allowing the lawsuit, though. How ridiculous is that? I can see function. He's so addicted to this game that he can't function. Yeah. I can see that. A judge is allowing the lawsuit, though. How ridiculous is that?

I can see that. But how the fuck can you sue someone for making something awesome? All you're saying is, you made something so awesome that I don't want to do the rest of my shit. But what if there was some kind of clause in the software that's like,

okay, you've been playing for three days straight. You're not allowed to play for an hour. Let me play. What if I got money? What if I got money and I have all the time in the world and I just say, you know what I'm going to do You're not allowed to play for an hour. Let me play. What if I got money? What if I got money and I have all the time in the world and I just say, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to play this fucking crazy game for a full month and I'm going to make a documentary on it. And that's what I want to do. I want to eat and sleep and play this game.

Why can't I do it? Well, you could get special permission from the game maker. We're going to make a documentary. No, that's ridiculous. Some of these people are fucking really like spending weeks at a time online. And that's on them, dude. If they weren't that, they'd be picking scabs or sticking things up their ass people are crazy people are fucking crazy and if you came up with something that's so awesome that they just want to do it every day and they forget

to eat fuck them fuck them you can't sue for that that's like anti-evolution whoever that judge is that's an anti-evolution motherfucker a judge who allowed that lawsuit that's ridiculous well he might be allowing it to to happen just so he so the video game maker will win and no one else will be able to do it. Is that true? It might be like that. That might be, right? But it seems like you would want to just throw it out then and set a precedent right away. This is not going to be accepted.

You can't sue someone for that. I mean, there's no legal – you're saying something so awesome that I can't go back to regular life. I can't function. Internet's getting to a point, point though where it's like a drug like any other i went without it dude for five days all i did is i and you were jones and weren't twitter twitter messages up no i was okay was i was in hawaii i was okay i'm just fucking hanging out all day i i all i did was go on twitter like a little bit and look at some fucked up videos and some people say you're in hawaii and you still had to go check but you know what i did though i

only did it with my ip. I didn't go online. I didn't fuck with my forum. I didn't go on – maybe I did go to the underground a little bit. There you go. But I didn't do it nearly as much as I do during the day. It is. But I think it's a good addiction. Try to do a week with zero.

Okay, but why? Just see if you can do it. But I could do it. I mean people have done it. Yeah, my grandfather lived without it his whole life. He never got online. Yeah, but if you're in Hawaii, you could have done it easily. No, because sometimes you sit down and you go, I wonder what's going on on Twitter.

Maybe somebody posted something life-changing. I must have information. I must figure out nonsense. GhettoGaggers.com, son. I want to see the next thing. I'm going to hire someone to sue me for being addicted to my music. That's a good move. That's strong.

Yo, 7 o'clock. Strike Force is on right now. All right. We're going to end this. That's a good move. That's strong. Yo, 7 o'clock. Strike Force is on right now. All right. We're going to end this. Go to, what is the website? 10thplanetjj.com. Free techniques till October 1. All of them are free.

And if you've never done some jiu-jitsu, find a place near you. There's 10th Planet affiliates all over the country. If you can't find that, find another jiu-jitsu school. It's the fucking most fun thing. It's a great way to exercise. You don't have to think about doing boring shit

like going to the gym and riding a bike. It makes it fun. Brian? Redband.com, Pet Sematary on Funnier Day. Pet Sematary. It is very funny.

It's very disturbing, but Brian is a funny little character and he always makes funny things. Thank you very much for tuning in, my friends. We appreciate it. This is the extended three-hour version of the podcast

never to be repeated. This is the one time. We babbled all the way to strike force uh but uh i hope you guys enjoyed it and as always i love you bitches thank you