The Joe Rogan Experience - #37 - Ricky Schroder

Episode Date: August 24, 2010

Joe sits down with Ricky Schroder.

I wake up early in the moment You go to sleep late at night I kinda friend like I don't want to Inside I'm losing my mind Do you wanna be my baby? Do you wanna be my girl? Don't tell me that you got a boyfriend Don't tell me I'm not your type Let's do a little nice talking And a little more, little more, little more feeling right Do you wanna be my baby?

Do you wanna be my girl? Do you wanna be my baby? Do you wanna be my girl What's your name again? Brian That's Brian Brian That's a good goddamn fucking song, Brian

You like it? You know how to pick them Who is that? Mike Posner Mike Posner This is the guy who became famous over the internet? Yes Wow

That's pretty goddamn good We got AOL Instant Messenger going on in the background or something? Yeah, it's something going on I don't know what it is Okay Ladies and gentlemen Thank you very much once again We got AOL Instant Messenger going on in the background or something? Yeah, it's something going on. I don't know what it is. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much once again for tuning in to the podcast. As always, we are sponsored by The Fleshlight.

My special guest today is Rick Schroeder. Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Schroeder. Thank you. You might know Rick from a million different things. The first time I was ever exposed to you, I was a little kid, and my stepfather took me to see The Champ, and I cried like a bitch. Really? Oh. Oh, it's a good story, isn't it?

Oh. You know, I'm remaking that. You got me so hard. I was a little kid. You know, I'm remaking that. Are you doing it again? Really? In the world of, hopefully, your world.

In the MMA world. Wow. Dana's got it. Really? Wow. Holy shit. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, but you can't have the death,. Wow. Dana's got it. Really? Wow. Holy shit. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, but you can't have the death, though.

Yeah, you can't. Yeah, he's never going to go to death. Yeah, they will. Really? You know why? Why? Because the way I got it written, he has a pre-existing condition from a motorcycle accident.

That's why he dies. Oh, okay. Because he takes a blow to the head. You crafty Hollywood people You just know how to trick us The champ man Have you ever seen one of these things before? No

This is the fleshlight And what it is Is you know It's a masturbation technology device It's to make jerking off better And what is it? You just jerk off into this thing How do you collect

Does it collect the fluid there? Nobody's had sex with it You can touch it Does it collect the fluid there? Nobody's had sex with it. You can touch it. Does it collect the fluid in the bottom or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what I say. Is it recyclable?

No, you release the kraken of shame is how I describe it. You go like that and it just slithers out into this thing. Show him fish in the bucket. Show him fish in the bucket. Oh, this is his move.

This is called fish in the bucket. Ladies and gentlemen, for you watching on iTunes, when you pull this fleshlight out, it's really soft, fake vagina material. And so when you pull it out of this tube that looks like a flashlight, you see what looks like the actual device. It looks like a jellyfish sort of a thing. Wow.

What does that retail for, man? I think it's like $60 or something like that. But if you order through my website, you get 15% off. Supposedly. Supposedly. We've got to figure out how that works yeah make sure but um hopefully they're selling them because the fucking things work man you know everybody beats off have you tried it have i tried it today did you stutter

and just say today i haven't fucked it today the one why would you try it you have the most beautiful wife yeah that's all well and good son son. I know his wife. Stop getting crazy. Let's just be realistic. You have to be able to use your mind on occasion. You can't always fuck the same person. You have to fuck someone else with your brain. The flashlight does not talk. Yeah.

It's true. It's not even that. It's just like there's times where it's like a maintenance thing. You just got to beat off. You don't want to have sex. You don't have the time to get intimate. You just, look, I don't need to get rid of some loads here. That's right. Bam.

I could understand that, you know, when you're 18 in the shower in the morning. Brush your teeth, jack off. You don't understand that as a grown up? But I don't understand that as a four-year-old. It just, I think my HGH level's crashed. Oh, you got to start doing squats, son. Got to get on them deadlifts, son. Handle bells, man.

Rick Schroeder just started doing jujitsu. He is taking it now, and you've been taking it for like three days. I've had four classes. Four days. With Eddie? With your teacher, Eddie Bravo? Yeah, he's – Rick Schroeder's learning how to strangle bitches. Have you had that ringworm yet?

How about that? I heard about this. Tell him, yeah. Listen, I got some soap for you. I'm going to give it to you before we leave. I wanted to have it out for the podcast, but I forgot. It's called Defense Soap. And you can go to defensesoap.com.

I have no affiliation with them. The guy who owns it, Guy Sacco, is just this really cool guy who made this great product. And it's all about keeping your skin healthy when you do jiu-jitsu. Because when you do jiu-jitsu, when you do jiu-jitsu you're getting scratched yeah and you're rolling around there's a lot of abrasions all over your body and if you don't wash with like a good healthy soap you can have like you get infections you know like ringworm and people don't tell you about it's fucking really annoying you have to find out like from other people that do jiu-jitsu like my friend

Ari had a staph infection on his knee and his knee had swollen up we were playing pool and he's walking around the pool table with this like weird limp so i go what's going on man and he goes i got a spider bite and i go oh shit let me see it so he pulls his pants up i go dude that's a staph infection like he thought it was a spider bite because it was this big pus filled red mark it looked like he had gotten poisoned with something it looked like there was like there was venom in there or something. If I hadn't noticed that, it probably could have got systemic, and he would have had to have been in the hospital with IV and

intravenous antibiotics. It's really dangerous stuff. What's the ringworm thing? It's not a real worm, right? It's a fungus. No, it's called... It's the same thing as athlete's foot. It's really the same exact fungus. It's just different parts of your body. And what ringworm is, it grows and it looks like a ring.

You know, when it starts to infect you, like a big circle on your body. And that's how you... Crop circles. Yeah. Skin. Yeah. It's usually in circles. Yeah, there's some gnarly dudes at the gym that you really don't... I mean, you don't want to...

Sweaty guys on top of you. It was weird to get... It was weird at first. It's weird as fuck, man. But I do it. I think of it... You don't even think of it really as a dude. You think of it as a problem.

You think of it as, here's this thing that's moving around that I have to dissect. I have to dissect this guy. I have to figure out how to lock him down. I have to figure out how to hold him in place. Figure out how to take his arm. What happened there?

Made your volume. Boom. What'd you do there, Brian? Now my volume's gone. Your volume's gone? Yeah, you just fucked with something. There you go. That's better.

Oh, it's sensitive. Wow, mine's way loud. That's better. I'm going to back off the mic. Back off the mic, son. I'm loving the jiu-jitsu. Yeah, so Rick Schroeder's out there strangling bitches. You got tapped by your own son, though.

That's sad. Really? I could have. Come on. You could have got him? I could have got him, all right? You should have got him, then. Next time I will.

Let me tell you something. You have kids. You can't let them tap you. My other son, though. My 18-year-old son, Holden. He actually did get me. Well, Holden seems like he's a big, strong, strapping fella. And he's just starting to come

into that so he's like really into it you know when I talked to him about jiu-jitsu I was like dude you would love it he would love it and he needs that gym in Salt Lake yeah he'll Jeremy Horn has a gym in Salt Lake he's going there for college right yeah he just went there last week so he needs to go well we'll get him we'll get him set up with Jeremy because Jeremy's got a killer gym and Jeremy's like a really good coach. He's one of the best guys you could ever learn from because Jeremy has always been not like a physically talented guy. He's not like a natural athlete, not like super strong or explosive. Just really smart and really technical.

That's what he's always been. He's always been real clever on the ground. Just a great guy to learn from. Those are the best guys to learn from. The guys that are really strong. Sometimes they're getting away with a lot of it is just through athleticism and they're not quite as technical as the guys who are naturally not that strong. Those are the

best guys to learn from. Jeremy Horne is one of the nicest guys in the world. He's going to be a killer. He's going to come back. He's a beast already. He's going to get you. He's already a beast. What did he tap you with? It was an arm bar. He got me an arm bar.

And Luke got me on a remake joke. Did you think about not tapping? Yeah, but I know my son, and I could feel the emotion. The boys and their dads have this thing, especially when boys turn 18, 19, 20. They have to go through this thing where they have to push their dads have this thing like especially when boys turns like 18 19 20 they have to go through this thing where they like have to push their dads away like for some reason it's part of the natural transition into manhood yeah it is right yeah and he was going he's going through that right now because he's 18 and i could tell he wanted to hurt me so i knew i needed to i know

i needed to just that's so crazy yeah and i tapped, and he goes, you can't tap. Wow. I said, no. I said, hold on, I tapped. He's like, oh. He just wanted to just. Wow, he didn't want you to tap? He didn't want me to tap.

That's ridiculous. Why would he not want you to tap? If he got you, he got you. He wants to break your arm? Well, I don't think he wanted to break my arm. Well, that's what happens when you don't get to tap. He did want to give me a little more pain before I tapped out. Wow, that's fucking weird, man. I don't know how I'd handle that. I me a little more pain before i tapped out wow that's fucking

weird man i don't know how i'd handle that i'd have to beat the fuck out of him i think i might have to beat the fuck out of him you're lucky you have girls i'm walking i don't know how i deal with that i might have to choke that dude i'm mad to be like we're gonna figure some shit out here you know damn you don't want to have to go through that some fucking young buck running around your house his chest puffed out and not listening to you Well you know what You gotta put the hooks in son I've gotta let him listen another way

I gotta get through to him Just squeeze him out You gotta be able to consistently squeeze him out That's what's most important You can't just squeeze him out every third time You gotta be able to squeeze him out Every time you guys grapple. My goal is I'm going to be at Eddie's Mondays and Wednesdays for the next six months.

And I'm going to learn some serious technique. You can. And he and I are going to go at it again eventually. Well, this is what you need to do. All you need to do is be consistent. Be consistent. That's the most important thing. Be consistent and spar a lot and get on some sort of a strength program.

Yeah. Get on like – Lifting. Kettlebells are the best because they're really lightweight. You can do it with like a 30-pound kettlebell, 35-pound kettlebell. You get a tremendous workout. I have one workout that I do. It's just one 35-pound kettlebell.

You call it a farmer strength. Yeah. The way you lift. You use your whole body body and it just forces you To use everything like athletically as opposed to like like just bench pressing isolating your eyes Yeah, stuff doesn't really enhance your your ability to move things It's like when you have like something that you have to control and you have to balance it you then you develop like a different Kind of a strength the strength that has like stability and balance and a strength that adjusts. And multiple muscle groups. And muscles adjust when things are going wrong

and when you're getting tired. That's what's really important. You do that, you'll choke the fuck out of that kid. That's what I'm talking about. Get that little motherfucker. Shut up. You got to be able to get him all the time. It's very important, man. You have to let him know that every time you roll, you're going to choke the

fuck out of him. This is a foregone conclusion. There's certain dudes that you just own. Like when I first started doing jiu-jitsu, there was this kid who was this purple belt who was really good. And this dude owned me. Every time we rolled, he owned me. It was a foregone conclusion that I was going to tap. I sucked. I was a white belt.

I didn't know what I was doing. And he was a really good purple belt. He was strong as fuck. And he used to like to was doing. And he was a really good purple belt. And he was strong as fuck. And he used to like to run through me. That's what he would like to do. Just fucking squash me as quick as he could. And it was like, God damn. But there was an order.

Yeah, well, he left and I went to another school. The school that we were at closed down. But the important thing was, I knew every time I rolled with that guy, unless I get way, way, way better. I had to get way better than I was. That guy was going to fuck me up every time. So there's like, I didn't want I rolled with that guy unless I get way way way better I had to get way better than I was that guy was going to fuck me up every time I didn't want to roll with him because he owned me you know what I'm saying?

you got to own your kid own that little motherfucker just shut the fuck up that's what you got to do dude a lot of it's psyching out too you might want to shave a mohawk and start spitting on him get some tattoos

get yourself one of those Mike Tyson face tattoos hold your gun sideways You might want to shave a mohawk and stuff and start spitting on them. Get some tattoos. Spiderweb tattoos. Look out, son. Get yourself one of those Mike Tyson face tattoos. Hold your gun sideways. Let the bitches know you ain't playing. Rick Schroeder's in town, motherfucker. That's awesome. What'd they say?

God didn't make man equal. Smith and Wesson did. That's always my fallback. Rick is a very unusual Hollywood guy. Everybody wants to say that, like he's not a Hollywood guy, but you're not a Hollywood guy. You're a dude who had a ranch out in Colorado. I know you love to hunt.

You love a lot of manly shit. Jiu-Jitsu is right up your alley. Totally, man. I mean, I spear gun hunt out in the ocean. Yeah, you're doing crazy. He got back from Africa and showed me all this fucking shit he killed Went on a great safari With my son

Fly airplanes Yeah he's taking me We're gonna go pig hunting Nice We just have to figure out Well it's more than pigs actually We're gonna do some We're gonna do a buffalo

I'm not doing anything I can't eat Bison You can eat bison Okay Yes Bison you can But I'm just saying

You guys kill shit You can't eat He's gonna eat everything That he kills The only shit that I can't That I would kill that I couldn't eat Is like shit that I think like coyotes That kill cats and shit

I could kill a coyote You know Like I've had cats Fuck coyotes Yeah I've had You know my dog got killed by a mountain lion in Colorado When are we going hunting?

When do you have time? We're gonna figure it out right after my book I'm supposed to be done with my book by October 15th Because November would be a good time Yeah To hunt It'll be a good time to hunt. It'll be cooler. And we can hunt deer, right?

We can hunt deer, pig. Dude, I like the way deer taste. I want to do it because I've been a meat eater my entire life, and I've taken no responsibility for my desire to consume meat. I have not felt any remorse from pulling a trigger and seeing an animal die. I haven't made a connection, a real connection, between what you're doing when you're eating meat. And I think as a person who thinks, I think that's actually probably important to try out.

Well, you know what? I think it's very important. You know, hunting and gathering was our past. Yeah. You know, with some men especially, hunting and gathering. And, like, the further we get away from that vibe of hunting and gathering and providing and testing ourselves like that. I think the more out of touch we're becoming with who we are. You know why I think that is?

I think the world and technology have evolved faster than people. And I think there's certain reward systems that are set up in the human mind to, uh, ensure that we're going to continue to do certain things like that. We're going to continue to want to fuck that. We're going to continue to want to hunt. Like you get like a response from hunting.

I know I do from fishing. I've never been hunting, but I've been fishing. And there's some primal thing about pulling a big fish out of the water. Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's fucking good. Knowing that you're going to eat this thing. Like you just went out into the wild.

Another world, okay? Floating around on a fucking ocean. And you pulled something out of that world. And now you're going to eat it. It's going to give you life and your family. There's energy that's attached to that. You feel good about it. Well, the truth is,

if hunting and gathering societies had succeeded, they haven't succeeded because they were replaced by mass farm production societies. Surplus. Surplus changed everything. What changed everything was the ability to stay in one place. People have this sort of a nomadic genetic connection. There's a guy who lives in Alaska, and they chronicled him on – you ever see VBS.TV?

You ever go to that website? No. Fucking phenomenal website. There's a series called The Vice Squad or The Vice Guide, and they do all kinds of weird shit. They go to Africa, and they go all over the world, North Korea. But one of the really coolest ones, they went to this guy who lives by himself and his wife in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere in Alaska.

I mean, he lives around bears. All he does all day is hunt and bring food back. Catch fish and smoke them for the winter. Catch fish, bring it back. I don't know what he does for vegetables because he's like, you know, it's frozen up there. I mean, he's eating fucking pine cones.

I don't know what he's eating. I mean, I know he gets some supplies dropped to him. Yeah, flour. This guy, he never saw 9-11. Huh. He hasn't even seen a photo of it. Off the grid.

These are guys, there's guys off the grid. He's totally off the grid. There's guys that are doing that out there. But he's just, but he's like so off the grid. And he that are doing that out there and but he's just but he's like so off the grid and he says he's extremely happy and he's and he's like very articulate he's not like a crazy guy yeah he's a very articulate guy he's been doing this for a long time and he says that

as man gets further away from his nature like this hunter-gatherer nature yeah you you you like lose your connection with the earth. You lose your happiness. And he thought that that's the reason why people, like so many people are depressed and so many people hate what they do. Hunter and gathering, you're going to love that. There's like a visceral response. Like your genes get it. Yeah, yeah, and it clears your mind.

I mean, when you're out trying to provide food for yourself, your family, your friends, and if that's really all you're focused on, then it's all this other stuff and doesn't sort of add up anymore. You know, it doesn't count. It doesn't really matter. And so hunting and gathering, I mean, it's really where we came from, but we're a dying breed, hunting and gathering people.

So do you think that that's one of the reasons why society, I mean, it really does make sense, right, that that's one of the reasons why people in society are so depressed, is that we are living a life – like technology and society has gotten so far past where our genetics are. And our genetics still require some acts for us to feel good. There's a set in reward system in place for doing things like sex feels good so that you make babies food feels good so that you keep eating and you survive yeah all these reward systems are set up and if you take a few of them out without correcting the body yeah like you're gonna have like these holes you're gonna have these problems yeah these voids are there and then they're filled with other things that um are

probably not nearly as healthy or good um isn't that a fascinating idea, though? It really is like you're looking at evolution. I mean, you're looking at it. You can tune back into it. If you look at the way it's set up, it's set up to make sure that we do certain things. And if you take these certain things away, the body gets fucked up. There's things we're missing.

People who don't have sex. I've always said this. It doesn't matter how religious you are. If you're not having sex, you have sexual organs and you're not using them. You don't want to experience any pleasure. You don't want to exchange love with somebody. You're going to break.

That's not good. That's not good at all. Sex is good. We can agree. All the at all no sex is good i think we can agree all the natural things food is good i mean there's there's all these reward systems that are set up it's just it's really fascinating that so few of us are tuned in to the hunter-gatherer thing that you are yeah man i mean i grew up hunting is like breathing for me you know it's like it's just part of my life and i bow hunt and i hunt with shotgun I bow hunt, and I hunt with shotguns, I hunt with rifles,

I hunt with blowguns, I hunt with spearguns. I just hunt. I just have to. And, you know, one of the, Geronimo, I think, was the great Indian warrior when he was finally caught and put on the reservation. They said to him, so, Geronimo, what are you going to do now? There's no more hunting for you.

And he goes, no, we will hunt mice because we are hunters and we have to hunt. And, and that's just sort of, it's in your blood. That's a dude that needs a hobby. That shit's ridiculous. You're going to go hunting mice. How about you play chess,

son? All right. Settle down. We're going to go hunt mice. What? Leave the fucking mice alone, man. It's not necessarily always the kill though.'s like the pursuit of of something so do you feel like when you do it when you when you kill something

and then get to eat it do you feel like did is it trigger some sort of like a primitive reward system that you you feel you feel it you know funny enough i actually don't like to eat a lot of what i kill. What? Oh, that's right. We had this conversation. You like beef. It's what's for dinner. I like beef.

But none of my meat that I've ever killed goes to waste. I don't particularly like deer or venison meat because it's so lean. I like fat. I like ribeye steaks that are just full of marbling. I do too. I like fat. I like ribeye steaks that are just full of marbling. I do too.

So when I hunt, I mean, I do clean the meat and take care of it. And I always donate it to somebody, a friend or family or somebody that needs it. But it's really the pursuit and the capture of the game that I get the reward from, not the actual taking a bite of it. Really? You know what I mean? reward from not the actual taking a bite of it really you know i mean it's see i i get that too but i think i think there's something in deer meat i think there's something in deer and elk and this is hear me hear me out this sounds totally crazy but i think the things that are

hard to catch are better for you i think that if you got a cow that's just hanging around being a fat fuck and you walk right up to him shoot him in the head i don't see how that's good for you i mean i mean it is good. It tastes delicious and everything, and I eat steak like anybody, but I think it's better to eat deer because they're hard to catch. Yeah, but wouldn't fleas be really... Wouldn't you want to kill fleas all day, though,

for the same reasoning? Oh, my God, no, because you're not eating them. They're not animals that are prey, you psycho. Where'd that come from? They're hard to catch. What are you saying? They're not hard. You could squash them.

Right under your fingers. If you ever try to catch a flea, it's hard. I don't think I've ever seen a flea. Brian, there's a thing called flea spray. Flea spray. I can't even say it. You could fucking kill billions of them with a stroke of a hand. When you're ready to go hunting, let me know.

Yeah, where are we going to go? I definitely want to go hunting for deer. We'll do another podcast when we get back. When I lived in Colorado, deer were everywhere. It was crazy. And all these fucking liberals and hippies in Boulder, nobody's shooting any of these deer, so they're so relaxed. They're just standing there, big fucking 10-point bucks,

just standing on the side of the road looking at you. And I stop the car, and I'm like, really? I roll down the window, and I'm talking to the deer. I go, really? Really? He wasn't scared of me at all. Just looking at me like, what, bitch? That's awesome.

What? They're fucking huge, man. And they have elk. When we went, we looked at some property in Evergreen, because I was convinced that that was my move. I needed to move to the mountains. Yeah. That was my...

I'm trying to get you to move to frigging Topanga. I love it. Well, let's not talk about that on the internet, where fucking psycho stalkers are listening. Topanga, Wisconsin? Yeah. What? Well, let's not talk about that on the internet where fucking psycho stalkers are listening. To pay good. To pay good to Wisconsin? What? Anyway, Evergreen. Oh, when we were looking at property in Evergreen,

there's a fucking herd of elk that wandered. They had photos. They wandered down this certain path. They walked through the fucking main street in town every year. And there's like hundreds of them, and they're fucking huge like how badass is that like you're standing there and as you're standing there a herd of elk just walk through the fucking town it's totally not natural though i mean really i mean where i

hunt elk and deer and stuff man they're just wild so it's not natural for them to walk through the town it's not natural to not have a fear of man oh yeah of course it the town? It's not natural for them to not have a fear of man. Oh, yeah. Of course it's not natural. It's not natural. Yeah, well, the problem is, somehow or another, this town was built on a path that they always take. The migration thing. Yeah. So I don't know.

I guess maybe there's also, there's more fear of mountain lions than there are of people. So they figure, look, at least we're around these crazy assholes. One of us is getting shot. We're not all going to get picked apart by a fucking flock of mountain lions.

Is that what mountain lions? Packs. Packs. No. They travel solo anyway. No packs. Wolves have packs. Maybe they'd be like that spider.

There's a spider they found on the Amazon. You ever seen that? There's a spider they found on the Amazon that attacks in packs. It's the only spider in the world. They attack thousands of them at once. So they make these gigantic nests, huge spider webs, where like a deer could get stuck. Really? Yeah, and they kill much larger things.

They kill rats and all kinds of crazy shit. That's cool. It's the Amazon. The Amazon is, there's a BBC documentary about the Amazon, a two-part series that I watched once. I still have it on VHS. I can't find it on DVD like they don't have it. It's fucking phenomenal. They go into the Amazon, yeah, and that's where they show these spiders. find it on DVD like they don't have it. It's fucking phenomenal.

They go into the Amazon. Yeah, and that's where they show these spiders. Like there's shit that's evolving in the Amazon right now. What the Amazon was is it used to be like fields and then it became a rainforest like overnight. Not overnight, but really quickly. So a lot of animals got stuck inside this rainforest and they evolved. Like there's an antelope that swims. It's got little short legs and it swims

like up to 100 yards underwater and it eats fish and it's a fucking antelope that's crazy why did it do that because it gets stuck there in the water and they had to figure out another way to eat oh yeah there's a fish that fucking climbs out of the water walks till it finds the next pond and jumps in that's pretty sick. There's so much crazy shit there. It's all these animals that are adapting to this, you know, just fucked up change in the environment. It's badass. It's so awesome.

Oh. But the spider, anyway. They found one spider. They've never thought spiders did this before, but they found this one spider that acts as a pack. That's sick. Like killer bees, but killer spiders. So there's these fucking enormous spider webs,

and these little fucking mice get stuck in them and shit, and they just swarm on them, thousands of spiders, and you're like, fuck! You just think, what if that was me?

What if it's in the middle of the night and I'm going to take a piss, and I still, what if this is, oh, fuck! Sounds like hallucinations. And a fucking million spiders tracking you.

Did you see that photo I posted the other day on Twitter of that spider in my backyard? I went back. What was that? Did you identify it? It looked like the predator's face.

That's what it looked like. Where's the picture? It's on my Twitter. Twitter.com slash redban. You can find it. How many days ago? Probably like a week ago. A week ago.

I'll retweet it. Good luck. I'll retweet it. You don't have to retweet it. I'll retweet it tonight. You're asking too much, son. You're asking for research. I'll retweet it tonight. Spiders scare the fuckweet it. You don't have to retweet it. I'll retweet it tonight. You're asking too much, son. You're asking for research. I'll retweet it tonight.

Spiders scare the fuck out of me, man. Yeah. I found five scorpions in my living room once. Five. Scorpions? Yeah, there was like a nest. Yeah, they have scorpions out here, man. Really?

Yes, I've seen them many, many, many, many, many times. And the little ones, they're very dangerous. They'll fuck you up, man. Hmm. Tarantulas, right? Rattlesnakes? Tarantulas all the time. Rattlesnakes all the time.

We have rattlesnake fencing. You know, my two pit bulls, both of them had gotten bitten by rattlesnakes? Tarantulas all the time. Rattlesnakes all the time. We have rattlesnake fencing. My two pit bulls, both of them had gotten bitten by rattlesnakes when I had them. Rattlesnakes are dangerous, man. They're all over the place. When I lived in Calabasas, I always found snakes all around the ground, just eaten by other animals like coyotes. If you fuck up and step on one accidentally, you've got to be real careful when you're hiking. We went running.

I went running with the dogs. There's this hill and we run. There's this hill that we run, this dirt road. And when we were running down the hill, I was like, oh, here we are running over this log.

And as I'm running over the log, it's a fucking giant rattlesnake. I realized as my feet were running over it, I was like, oh my God. Dude, there's a rattlesnake as fat as my arm. It was giant. The biggest rattlesnake I've ever seen. I was like, oh my god! Dude, there's a rattlesnake as fat as my arm. It was giant.

The biggest rattlesnake I've ever seen. I was like, holy fuck. I mean, it was fat, dude. It was fat. It was like a bitch! It was like, if that thing got you, you'd be like, fuck! Feel the hot lava of the fucking venom going into your bloodstream immediately. Do you know that

cult out in Virginia that actually holds snakes? That's part of their religion. If they don't get bit by the rattlesnake, then that means they're pure and stuff. Oh, my God. And so there's this preacher guy who's in prison right now because he wanted to kill his wife. So he stuffed her mailbox full of rattlesnakes. And she opened it up and put her hand in and got bit.

And he went to jail for attempted murder. Oh! Can you imagine? for attempted murder. Oh! God damn. That's some fire and brimstone type shit. That's the only type of shit a preacher would think of. Huckleberry Finn shit. Yeah, but it was some fucking evil snakes. It was like Huckleberry Finn.

Like some Tom Sawyer shit. He killed her by putting a moon full of rattlesnakes. She reached in to get the mail and they snatched ahold of her and sucked the life out. Angela and Lansbury somehow involved with this whole thing. There's something primal about doing that. Getting some evil animal to do your dirty work.

Setting somebody up. That's like way cooler than just shooting somebody. You know? You set somebody up with a fucking rattlesnake. Jackson. It's always a fucking husband and his wife, man. God damn. I would like to know about the percentage of people that kill themselves or kill each other, rather.

What percentage are husband and wife? You mean – It's always like that, where the husband kills the wife or the wife kills the husband. Is it more that – what is the percentage as far as people getting killed? How many of them are husband and wife? How many of them are just, here's the guy that works

at the post office that always fucking pissed me off so I shot him. And how many of his husband and wives? I don't think it would be as much as you think. I think domestic violence

would be huge. But I don't think it goes all the way. I think we've all seen couples that are just fucking violent to each other. Right? Yeah.

That's scary shit, dude. Mm-hmm. That must be so scary for a cop. You know, they always say that those are the most dangerous calls to take, domestic violence cases. It doesn't seem so, like, if you watch the show Cops, it doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal. I had a brother-in-law that was abused by his ex. Really? I can't go into details, but she came out with a knife.

She came out with a knife? She came at him with a knife a few times. He wasn't fucking her correctly. Let me tell you something. No chick I'm fucking is ever coming at me with a knife. You've got to keep them in check. That would suck. You've got to have control. Do not get involved in any sort of relationship where you're not the man.

If you're actually a man, don't get involved in a relationship where you're not the man. If you feel like, well, somehow with her, I don't feel like I'm the man and just I don't know what to do. Get out. Get out. Your soul is getting stolen from you in the night while you sleep. You don't realize you're with a demon. Dude, not everybody is alpha like you. It's not even alpha, but it's not bad.

No, no, no. Yeah, it is. It's not. It's don't. Then whatever the role is, make sure it's a harmonious one. You know what I'm saying? Don't let someone all of a sudden be the dominant one, and you figure you're not dominant anymore.

Men who get in situations like that, where their wife gets to yell at them, and the husband's always going, okay, okay, okay, okay. Dude, that's their nature, some of these dudes. That's not healthy. There's a girl out there somewhere that's probably nice, and if they found that girl instead of the one they're with,

they found some chick who just likes to look at the positive side of things and she likes going to cool movies and eating in fun places and she doesn't require a lot. That girl's out there. You don't have to listen to this fucking cunt. Yeah, but she's probably dead inside for those very qualities. That's why she's giving up on life. She's not giving up on life.

She's enjoying things. Is that what it is when a chick isn't crazy? She's giving up on life and she's like, she's not giving up on life. She's enjoying things. Is that what it is when a chick isn't crazy? She's giving up on life? Probably. Maybe she's just... Interesting. Sit down on the couch, Brian.

She's just like, I'm dead. That's interesting. So you think that any chick that's like happy... No, I don't really. I just didn't really think this out, Joe.

I'm just throwing something on the table there. I thought you were committed to this, man. No, no. Are you sure you're not committed to this argument Rick doesn't even know what we're talking about Darren Anna's like I took Rick Schroeder to his very first UFC recently. How was it?

It was good, but to be honest with you. I wanted to be inside where you guys were I was like on the outside and I was like too far I was looking up and I didn't have a great view. But you guys were on the floor. Floor seats are not my favorite, dude. My favorite is one or two up on the sides. I think you're right. I think the first riser is the best spot.

Right, first riser is the best spot. Because you're still close enough to see the action, but you're not looking up. Sometimes it sucks when they go to the ground on the other side of the cage. Like in TV and HD, because I buy it all the time on pay-per-view, I get the close-ups. I hear the sounds more. I was more in the fight.

I didn't hear any commentary. You can get these little... They have these little radio things, and they sell them UFC Fight Link, I believe it's called. And you listen to it, and you get to listen to the commentary. They broadcast it on a wireless signal, like a radio station. They should have an iPhone app for that. They should, totally, right?

Totally. Charlie, what the fuck, man? Dana. Dana, get on this shit, son. It was cool, though, man. I'm a huge UFC fan. Just wrote a movie about it. So we'll see what happens.

But yeah, I mean... Rick's Radio. You know, Chuck Norris talked to me once, like 15 years ago. Dude, Chuck Norris hugged me once, like 15 years ago. Chuck Norris hugged me. He's the greatest moment of my life. Chuck Norris man was, was like, did he try to start some MMA league?

Well, he did it. He had a kickboxing league. Um, I think it was called the world combat league. I'm not sure. I'm not sure if that's the right name. Like 15 years.

I apologize if I'm wrong. Cause I'm a huge Chuck Norris fan. And when he tried to get me in on that way back in the beginning, like, really like let's build a team in L.A. Yeah, that's exactly what he was doing. He was doing kickboxing teams. And they tried to do that with the IFL.

The IFL is the International Fight League. And they had some really good fighters, but they tried to do that team thing, too. They had tried to have them fight in teams. The only team thing would be fun is if they're all at once. Well, you know, I thought it was, I thought, you know, hey, look, you know, it's not the right way to go, but at least it's something different and people are talking about it. Like it makes for subject of debate. You like this?

Do you not like this? You know, it makes it a little novel. But yeah, it's not the way to do it. Teams aren't the way to do it. I would, you know, when all those things were coming around, I was like, what are you doing? It's an individual sport. Why try to team? I guess what they're doing is they're just trying to get in on some unique way.

Everybody else is doing it this way, so we're going to have teams, the Denver douchebags and the Montreal monsters. Let's put some folding chairs into it. Let's really get it going. Yeah, exactly. I was just going to say it seemed very roller derby. I was going to say that, and you went pro wrestling. We're on the same wavelength there.

I don't know, man. It's interesting. The only way to do it is to just do it. You just have to stop trying to dress it up. I do like some Strikeforce rules. Strikeforce has put rules in where they don't have elbows. I know a lot of people like elbows, but fuck elbows. Cut people up, man.

And I know you should just protect yourself from that, and elbows can stop fights, too. They're very dangerous weapons, but I kind of like Strikeforce, how they just use punches. They don't elbow each other on the ground. I think it might make fighters' careers longer. I mean, people like it, though, and it's a very effective

technique. Maybe they need some sort of a pad on the elbow, if that's possible. You know, that might not be a bad idea. That doesn't cut. Yeah, because it's such a short movement movement when you're on top of a guy in such a fucking short distance to stop and it's so much power you can generate and it's just bone on bone just smashing your fucking face and that's a that's a goddamn dangerous technique man make it have like a sound like a dog toy though every time they do it it's like so you feel gay doing it i wouldn't try that right making a squishy toy noise i don't think there's anything i don't think there's anything wrong with elbows

i mean don't get me wrong i wouldn't take them out i wouldn't take them out either but i look at the strike force rule and i go maybe that's the way to go sometimes sometimes i look at it and go i like that that's around i like you know what i do like i like that there's a comparison we can look at the strike force and see see what happens with them with the punches on the ground. We've already done that with Pride. The old Pride days, they used to be able to do whatever they wanted, man.

They could soccer kick dudes while their heads were on the ground. Headbutt. And stomp on them. I don't think they allowed headbutts, and I don't think they allowed groin kicks. I don't think they allowed fish hooking or any of this stuff that's always illegal. They didn't allow it, but they added the stomps and the soccer kicks and the knees to the head to a downed opponent, which is all really fucking violent,

dangerous shit. When you see a guy get soccer kicked in the head, that's when you know you're like, whoa. This is not fucking playing around. This is a real fight. That guy just soccer kicked that guy in the face when he's down. It's not the best thing to have in MMA, but it adds this crazy element to it.

When a guy goes down, the other guy's trying to stomp him, literally. Like, whoa! Vanderlei Silva knocked out, I think it was Tamora. No, it wasn't Tamora. Damn, I forget who it was. Yuki Kondo. Yes, I believe it was. He knocked him out, and then he started stomping his fucking head while he was down.

But didn't early UFCs have biting and stuff? Maybe it wasn't Iji Kondo. I should find out exactly who it was if Randall did that before I said it. But whoever it was, he was holding onto the ropes with one hand, then kicking the guy in the face, stomping on his head while he was down. It was so violent. I was like, fuck! That took it to another level.

Yeah, that's the ref's fault, though. No, no, no. It's legal. It's legal. In Japan, it's legal ref's fault, though, for not... No, no, no. It's legal. It's legal. In Japan, it's legal. In Japan, in pride, it was legal. I think you can still do it. I know you can definitely still kick or knee a downed opponent.

I think you can soccer kick them still, too, and you can stomp them still, too. I think. I think Dream, the way they do it... I mean, there's different organizations. One of the things that the UFC's always been pushing for is a unified system of rules, There's different organizations. One of the things that the UFC has always been pushing for is a unified system of rules. So the rules we use, everybody uses.

So that we all practice the same sport. That makes complete sense. Totally complete sense. It's totally the right way to go. But Japan doesn't give a fuck. They're still wailing. We don't like five minute rounds. We want to wail. Ten minute rounds.

Ten minute rounds. And they have crazy shit where they'll come and they'll take your money away if they don't think you're fighting hard enough. Really? Yeah, dude. They get crazy laws over there. So like say if – and sometimes, man, dudes are just taking a fucking breather like it's a war. Or they neutralize each other. They can't – nobody can get anything done.

And they go, stop, stop. And they pull out a yellow card. And what a yellow card is is they take 10% of your fucking purse. So if you're getting paid $100,000, you just lost $10,000 because some fucking douchebag referee decided you needed a yellow card because you're not fighting hard enough. At least it's just that.

In Japan, a yellow card can mean a lot of things. Yeah, it could be... Pee! Get the eels! And the women. They cut your finger off. That could mean... A pee card. That's the craziest thing ever.

The Yakuza, where they chop fingers off. What? You fuck up, you do something wrong,akuza, where they chop fingers off. Why? You fuck up. You do something wrong. You have to cut your own finger off. Hey. That's your punishment? Yeah, yeah.

That's one of the punishments. Did you hear about the Saudis trying to paralyze some guy? Did they go through with it? No, I don't know if they've gone through with it. I know they're inquiring on whether or not it could be done. One hospital said they wouldn't be doing it. If you don't know the story, this guy hit a guy with a shovel. Is that what he hit him with? I don't know any details he assaulted this guy in some way and and paralyzed him and

under islamic law you know eye for an eye they literally want to impose the exact same uh injury to this guy and do it in a hospital you know one hospital is like you can't paralyze somebody like we can't just do that another hospital said it possible, but they did not have the conditions available. They would have to go to a much larger hospital. So they probably went to some fucking goat and donkey infested hospital

with chickens running through the fucking lobby. And they're like, would you be willing to paralyze someone? And they're like, well, maybe. We couldn't do it here, though.

Dude, there's a guy in South Central that'll do it for $100. Right. Do you guys agree with that, though? Eye for an eye? Judgment? Man, you know what? I think there's just a certain amount of cruelty to do it for a hundred bucks. Do you guys agree with that, though? Eye for an eye? Judgment? Man, you know what?

I think there's just a certain amount of cruelty to that that's not necessary. I think if you want to show people that it's wrong, kill the guy. That's what I think. I think death penalty

is a good thing. But, you know, you have to know the circumstances. Who knows? Maybe the other guy's a dickhead. Maybe the other guy threw a rock first and then he hit him

with a shovel and paralyzed him. Yeah, we don't have enough information. Yeah, maybe that guy was fucking tormenting him and wouldn't leave his kids alone. It was an asshole. It kicked his dog. And it was building up over 10 fucking years.

And finally, homeboy had enough. And he just did what he's supposed to have done a long time ago, crack that motherfucker over the head with a shovel. But unfortunately, his little faggot ass has to go and get paralyzed. And now my man's in the pokey, and they're talking about paralyzing him too. Meanwhile, all he was doing was just trying to hold his ground,

just trying to get behind this world. You know, just trying to... They should have the three strike rule. Like the first time you do something really, really bad, they take away your hearing. Then the second time

they take away your eyesight. Third time, they chop off your tongue. Dude, you might have just invented that and there's people in Iran right now. Write that down! Write it down! Before the idea escapes us into the ether.

Get that dot com. Yeah. Get that dot com. Get that dot com. I'm having network solutions. It's hilarious. Code that. It's cheaper.

Code that. It's cheaper. Code that. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's cheaper.

It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. It's cheaper. I have a code. I count there.

Retail me not. Dude, I don't know what accent we were there at the end. We went Japanese We started off Iranian We have the worst Fake Iranian accent ever I'm an insult To any impersonator out there

Go to Fat Wallet Okay Joe What can I tell you man What can you tell me What do you want to know About back in the day Dude I want to know everything

You know I've been friends with Rick For a few years About four or five years. We've gotten more friendly lately since he got back from Spain. Yeah, and since you've had kids, too. Our wives, our buddies, yeah. Joe's really changed since he's had kids.

Yeah, I became a pussy. Settled in like all the other pussies out there in the world. No, I'm, you know, for sure. I don't think you can understand what it's like to have children until you have children. And, you know, Louis C.K. said something once about kids that I thought was really interesting. He said, just let it change you. And I had already, like, kind of let it change me before I heard that. But I was like, wow, that's like the best way to describe it.

Let it change you. You know, and when you have kids, that really is what happens. Like, you all of a sudden, first of all, immediately what I started doing is looking at people as babies. I looked at everybody. I used to just see a guy who's 30, and I was like, oh, here's a guy. Hey, buddy. What's up? Nothing.

Normal. But now you feel like the inner child. Yeah, but now I see the inner child. I see how he developed to be that guy. You have much more compassion for people. Yeah, that's cool. I try to keep as much compassion as possible while still avoiding douchebags. That's my ethic.

There's a certain point in time where sometimes you have to go, dude, shut the fuck up. Please leave me alone. I know you were a baby once. No, one point in time, you were an innocent little child, and somebody fucked your programming up. I understand this. You've got to let me go. I've got shit I've got to do. You know?

That's right. Right? I get it. But yeah, you have to change the time. I think everybody does. If you don't gotta do. It's right. I get it. But yeah, you have to change the time. I think everybody does. If you don't change when you have kids, you're a fool. You'd be crazy too.

The worst thing in the world that you could ever feel is that you didn't do your best when you were raising a kid. That's gotta be the worst thing. Because I think your childhood was fucking completely bizarre. I mean, my childhood was bizarre on paper, but it wasn't bizarre in front of the whole world. And you became a fucking superstar when you were a little kid. You're 40 now, right? Right, just turned 40. Okay, I'm 43.

So when I saw The Champ, I think I was 7. What were you, like 4? No, no, I was 7. So you were 10 in The Champ. Really? Yeah. Okay, my time line is off. But you're close. But either way, either way, whatever I was,, so you were ten in the champ. Really? Yeah. Okay. My time line is off. But you're close.

But either way, whatever I was, seven or ten, I was fucking crying like a baby. And you were even younger than me then. So when I was a little kid, when I was going through life, trying to figure out what my parents were breaking up, trying to figure out, like, fuck, what is life all about? You were fucking famous in front of the whole world. Like, I couldn't imagine that point in my life being famous. That must have been so strange to develop in that. But you're so normal. Well, here's the thing that I think is interesting about, like, growing up famous.

Because I became famous when I was, like, seven. So I don't have any memory of life before fame. Wow. So when that happens and any memory of life before fame. Wow. So when that happens and you're forming and you're getting programmed and you're getting created as a child, right? That's what becomes normal for you. And so I don't have any frame of reference. Like I wasn't 30 and all of a sudden, bam, became famous. And I had 30 years of history of normal life.

So fame is normal for me. So because it's normal, that means kind of it's not special. Because what's normal is normal. Wow. Right? So that's kind of, I think, a different, unique thing about being a child actor like I was. And I saw Drew Barrymore last night. I went to that.

Never heard anybody put it that way before. I went to her premiere last night. And she's kind of done the same thing. And her new movie. And gave her a big hug and kiss. I haven't seen her in 20 years. Did you grab her ass? No, I just... Cheat girl, though.

Really sweet. Give her a hug and a kiss, though, huh? Give her a hug and a kiss. Nice. I've known her since I'm... Felt good, huh? Since I'm 12. Come on, felt good?

She was eight. That's Drew Barrymore. We would dance on... Let me tell you something. Tom Green not got that. You could get that, too, kid. Yeah, yeah. She picks the weirdest guys.

Tom Green's great. I love Tom Green. Yeah. Did you ever do his show? kid. Yeah, yeah. She picks the weirdest guys. Tom Green's great. I love Tom Green. Yeah. Did you ever do his show? No, I didn't. He does a show like this. Is he Canadian? Far more sophisticated.

Yes, he's Canadian. But you can trust him. He's Canadian. You can trust him. He's one of the good ones. Did you see the show where he took animals into his parents' house and made a zoo? Yeah. He fucked a moose on the side of the road.

He's a savage. Yeah. He's fucking awesome. I love that dude. He's a really cool guy too. He's got a show that he fucked a moose on the side of the road. He's a savage. He's fucking awesome. I love that dude. He's a really cool guy, too. He's got a show that he's been doing out of his house. He turned his living room into a studio where he broadcasts a live talk show from his living room. And it's super popular.

It's really good. It's interesting. You get to see him changing and trying different things. When I got to him, he was into The Secret. Yeah, that book thing. He had a copy of it right there. I mean, I don't to him, he was into The Secret. Yeah, that book thing. He had a copy of it right there. I mean, I don't even know if he was telling the truth. I believe he was, but it seemed like it was trolling.

He was just fucking around, pretending to be into The Secret thing. So Drew's went and got the same thing. There's been a few of us that have gone through that. Like, not many. Very, very few. You could count on a hand. Yeah, the percentage of people who go through that like not many very very few you could count on a hand yeah the percentage of

people who go through that and get lindsey lohan are like it's like 95 right yeah more more than it's gotta be what do you think was the difference with you oh uh what's the difference you know i quit the partying thing when i was young and i didn't continue it like I think some people do. And, you know, I had my few wild years between 16 and, you know, 20. But, you know, I always kept my kind of stuff quiet. And I kind of kept it under the radar. And, you know, wasn't really public about it. And then I met. That was because there was no TMZ back then.

Yeah, there was no internet. There was no TMZ. No internet, son. You had to keep it on the DL. We're making it rain rain do you ever wonder like when i was 20 i met andrea and that just kind of changed my life because i was i was a dad at 22 oh so that's a big part of it too responsibility very early on now did you used to hang out with all those people back in the day that like gary coleman and all those guys like like were you

like hanging with punky brewster and stuff yeah yeah i knew everybody there i mean the different strokes kids were filming next door the facts of life girls were across the the other studio stage did you guys bang each other who's the boss kids did you guys bang each other you must have right for sure yeah it's small wonder twirling small wonder you stream crowd you stream crowd knows what's up so yeah there was some drama going on on on set you know i mean there was i told you a little bit about the todd bridges thing yeah todd bridges i had we had todd bridges on fear factor and he had a chip on his shoulder i mean not not i mean wasn't a bad guy but had this thought that everybody was out to fuck him yeah everybody like we were fucking him over like we didn't want him to win oh i see what's up you don't want me to win i was like too

but the guy the guy beat you. What am I going to say? Right. Like, come on, man. This is ridiculous. Well, he's got a new book out, so, like, God bless him. I hope he sells it and stuff. Well, he just, you know, he didn't, my point is,

he did not get through it the way you got through it. No, he was chasing me around with a pistol full of urine. Wow. A water pistol full of urine. He was, yeah, I mean, he was. He was pissing a water pistol and then just he was yeah I mean he was pissing a water pistol and then just say okay I'm gonna squirt this in your face yeah like the rest of us would be throwing water cups at each other and crap and he took it to the next level and just started squirting you was urine ran him

over with her train he was big and he was older and we were all scared of Todd how old was he and we were all like 13 14 and he's all like 18 19 oh my god he was 18 and 19 he was pissing in little kids faces yeah and r kelly was the originator of that he had a porsche right and so he was racing around the studio and stuff and i remember i was 16 and i just got my 944 turbo and he's like let me take it for a drive and i'm like uh okay so i gave him the car. And he's like, let me take it for a drive. And I'm like, uh, okay. So I gave him the car keys and he's like, this thing needs broken in right.

And he just abused my car. He brought it back with bald spots on the tires. Wow. And you let him do that. Damn you, Todd Bridges. Yeah, well, Todd Bridges. He wasn't a bad dude, though. He's just a fucking baby that got stuck into a weird situation.

Dana Plato. And this wasn't, didn't develop right. All of them. Dana Plato became a drug addict, right? Yeah, she died in Vegas. That's the place to die if you're going to die with other drug addicts. Disease Siegel finds its flock. Can I play to this quote that I was talking about earlier?

Oh, yeah. This is from Silver Spoons. Is that what it's from? I love Silver Spoons, but this is one of my favorite quotes, and it's so weird to listen to right now. Listen to this. Listen to this. Whoops, hold on.

Looks like a recording. Yeah, this is crazy. See, computers are the wave of the future. People are already playing video games on them. Someday people are going to do all their banking with computers or shopping with computers. Someday almost everything going to do all their banking with computers. They're shopping with computers. Someday almost everything is going to be done by a computer.

Well, that's nice, but we need special stories at the paper. Like, can you embezzle a million bucks with this thing? That was Arnold Jackson trying to steal money. That's me and Gary Coleman. Listen to what you were saying, man. You were saying that, like, were saying that like what was that 1983 that was season one three 82 you 82 i lost you what'd you do man are you guys on just shut the power off all right i'm back anyway um you it's like so how did they fucking predict that so well uh it's kind of creepy i don't know like did you guys get like computers from like steve jobs or stuff that they all like because that whole show was about

computers did you have like the inside word were you like are you a prophet yeah tell me the truth no i don't know you're a mormon you may be a prophet video games been on set and stuff so i don't know about the computer thing i think as a kid how crazy you were like you were like kid porn for us you were like dude he has a pack machine he has a train he's got you know as a kid how crazy you were like you were like kid porn for us you were like dude he has a pack machine he has a train he's got you know you had

like every single toy in the world it was like we idolized you as kids at our age group I'm 36 so it's like I had like a duck phone

I had like remote control for my you're hanging out with Mr. T Aaron Gray man if there was a TMZ back then

Aaron Gray what would what would theyZ back then, what would they have caught you doing? What would they have caught me doing? Would you be popping bottles and bottles? Hanging out at Hotel Roosevelt with Alfonso and Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. Back in 1986 though, 87,

Hotel Roosevelt wasn't nice. Really? It was a dive. What was back then? It was a dive. Club Hollywood. You remember Club Hollywood? Hotel Roosevelt is like a super cool place to be. I remember hearing about Club Hollywood, you know, back in the day, like Teen Bop magazine. Club Hollywood. That was the hangout.

That's so weird, man. Corey Haim's dead. Yeah. Nobody saw that coming. Yeah. Oh. How weird is it that there's these kids that that grew up with you that didn't make it through the net how weird is that to watch um yeah it's i feel really bad for these like when

you see a kid like cory haim that you knew when he was a little kid yeah he was so good too you know dude when he was the two of them were what was that fucking vampire movie uh lost boys boys they were good in those movies yeah he was a good actor yeah so were, what was that fucking vampire movie? Lost Boys. Lost Boys. Dude, they were good in those movies, man. He was a good actor. Yeah. So you must have hung out with Michael Jackson. And what did he taste like?

You remember that kid, River Phoenix? Yeah. You were friends with him? Yeah. I mean, he was a real talent, you know? Fuck, that was crazy. Dying on Sunset Strip, you know? What about Michael Jackson? You used to hang out with him?

Michael Jackson visited the set of Silver Spoons. Wow. What was that like? He was friends with Alfonso Michael Jackson visited the set of Silver Spoons. Wow. What was that like? He was friends with Alfonso, who was my buddy on Silver Spoons. Do you know Alfonso? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Who was on The Fresh Prince, right? Yeah, after Silver Spoons. And what's his last name again? Ribeiro. Ribeiro. Ribeiro. Alfonso. So yeah, he came to visit one day at Michael Jackson and hang out with Alfonso because

Alfonso did a Pepsi commercial. That was when he was the biggest star on the planet. Ever. Huge. Yeah, huge. It was... I'm going to tell about my commercial. That was when he was the biggest star on the planet. Ever. Huge. Yeah, huge. I'm going to tell about my book. That was like three years. It made me very uncomfortable.

Oh, really? Did he kiss you on the lips or the ears? He's bullshitting you. He's bullshitting. Please, Michael Jackson Estate, calm the lawyers down. Do you think he fucked kids? You must have heard stories. I don't know about anal, but

I think it might have been some inappropriate stuff if I had to guess. Like some handjob type shit? Webster put you aside and was like, don't go over there. Funny story about Webster. I heard so many rumors about Michael Jackson and why he was the way he was, but you were

actually there. What was he like? He was very kind. I wanted to, me and Alfonso went to the Universal Amphitheater once to see him play and we went into his... This was like Billie Jean times? Yeah, this is the time.

So she's top of the fucking planet. Beat it. Beat it. Thriller. Biggest planet, star in the universe. And so we're hanging out in his trailer and just hanging out,

really nice, quiet, shy guy. And so I'm like 16 17 i said michael what's you know how did you make it from a kid actor to an adult like this you know how did you survive because i was kind of in the middle of transitioning from a kid to an adult and he said you know the trick was being um inspired ricky because i had to be inspired to keep it up and i had to find stuff that i wanted to work on and wanted to do. And, you know, I kind of took that advice to heart, you know. But, no, nothing inappropriate ever happened.

And then he started kissing her nipples. Nothing inappropriate ever happened with me or that I know of. He's such an odd guy, just even the way his voice was. And it was very strange that that's a man's voice. Just such an odd character. Yeah. But never been a guy with so much to get out.

I mean, we talked about it last week in the podcast, like how crazy it was watching him dance. It's like, nobody ever did anything like that before.

Elvis did. Elvis did. But he did it in a different way. He took some of it. Michael Jackson, he had a weird thing of his own.

Sammy Davis. He took some from Brown. Jim Brown. James Brown. Jim Brown. I mean, James Brown. James Brown. We watched that on the podcast a couple weeks ago, the opening in Zaire. But James Brown was manly. The way James Brown was like, ow!

It was more like a, ugh! You know what I'm saying? But when Michael Jackson did it, it's more like this gliding, almost alien-type character. It's moving around in perfect synchronicity. There was more of a perfection to Michael Jackson's movements, whereas James Brown was more of a raw sexuality. I had the Michael Jackson

jacket. Do you remember that? Oh, totally remember that. The generic one, though. My family couldn't afford the real ones. We got the generic one at this store called Gold Circle. It looked exactly the same, but there was some kind of tag the real one had, and immediately everyone was like, fake. Oh, no.

Yeah, and it's like, people had fake things, fake members only. I had a fake Izod. It wasn't a crocodile. It was like something else. Right. I felt like such a lizard.

I didn't have a crocodile. That's a weird thing with kids, right? Yeah. The need for brand name shit. Umbros, spelled with a Q. What is that? Remember those Umbros shorts? Shorts used to be

real popular back in the day the same thing they had generic brands that was like quambo or something this you want to talk about popularity you have young kids yeah how the fuck is that sagging thing still in how the fuck are people sagging their pants still it's just like wearing pajamas well actually it's not no they're pulling their pants to half their ass half their ass and then they're pulling their belt on so their pants stay on. Is it to show you how good they clean? Tight jeans now is back. No, dude, I'm telling you, whatever's back.

Oh, tight jeans. Not what's in style, what people are doing. Those kids are still sagging everywhere. Everywhere I go, I'm meeting kids, and the crotch of their pants is by their knee, and they can't even fucking walk. Why are you afraid, General? It's going to end. It's going to end. I don't think it's going to end.

That's what I'm telling you. This has been around since I was in high school. And it was one of those things where I thought, okay, this is bell-bottom jeans. This is fucking wearing a visor. All right? This shit is going to go away. It was back, like, I don't remember. Yes, people fucking sagged.

I remember parachute pants. People sagged in the 80s and 90s. There wasn't as many, but it was still... Maybe that's why dudes like it. It came from prison. The whole thing comes from when you go to prison, they take away your belt so you can't choke yourself to death. You don't have a weapon either.

So your pants are sagging off. And you're losing weight because you're not eating as much as you were when you first got in. Yeah, probably. Or you're eating more dick. Yeah, getting that AIDS food. Anyway. That would suck, being in prison, wouldn't it? What's a Webster story?

What could be worse than getting your freedom taken away? I know, I think I'd rather be dead. What's amazing is all the different shit they can put you in prison for. So the Webster story. So I'm at one of these network junkets where you go to promote your show and stuff. And all the other actors and casts are there from their shows and this little man black kid this tall was just cute as could be man and just like i put him on my knee and i started just playing with him and bouncing him

around and he was giggling and laughing and having a good time and then like you know i liked kids i've always liked kids so i laid the kid back and i blew like like in his neck zerbert zerbert is that what's called that's what bill calls it bill cossie i blew him a couple zerberts and he's like giggling like a little like a little four-year-old right and i put him away and go ahead now you i'm done playing with you. And somebody comes over and says, you know, he's 16. No, no. We were the same age. We were the same age, man. Oh, my God.

And he didn't say anything. He just laughed at it. Oh, my God. That's the best story ever. Oh, my God. Holy shit. You fucking gave the 16-year-old Webster a Zerber. Oh, my God.

On a 1 to 10, what was the embarrassment level? When you found out he was your age. It was huge. I felt really. What did you think? I felt bad, man. I felt gross. Oh, my God.

I felt gross. Did you apologize to him? No, I couldn't look at him again ever. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You didn't even apologize. Was he really laughing When you did it Or was he laughing

And giggling If you had to go back And do it again today Would you apologize Would I apologize No I just You wouldn't apologize Still

No man I don't think so Dude Too bad There's no cell phone Cameras back then Can you imagine Somebody filming that

Dude you punked Melissa Gilbert was teaching me to juggle that day too. I looked at a juggle. How big was he? How old did you think he was? I thought he was like 4 or 5. I thought he was just like a little kid.

If we can get him, can we film and recreate it, reenact it? What exactly happened with him? I met him once at the comedy store. He was a very nice guy. He was very friendly. He was a very nice guy. Really? Emmanuel Lewis? Very nice guy.

Wow. Yeah, he was very friendly. Is he a nice guy? Yeah, he was fine. Well, you guys would get off to a bad start. He giggled a lot. He giggled a lot and he tasted like sugar. Yeah, what did he taste like?

Do you remember what he tasted like? His middle button tasted like honey. His old spice. I only felt bad when I find out how old it was. Why does this baby smell like Old Spice? Why does this baby got fucking stubble? This baby's got razor stubble. And a tattoo.

Baby's got a heart on. What the fuck? Michael Jackson's glove on his ass. Could you imagine? Do you know him well? Do you know when the first time he got laid? Do you know? Emmanuel Luz?

No, I don't know him well. The Gary Coleman story was fascinating. He was like 40. For a virgin. He got laid. Yeah. It was by Todd Bridges, wasn't it? He should have taken that money.

If I was his advisor, okay, and I would say, let's get rid of the show business aspirations. Let's just let it go. We got about 50 grand in the bank. I think it's time to move to Thailand. I think it's time to go to Thailand. I think it's time to go to Thailand. Thailand, you're a celebrity. You still got 50 grand. We'll go a long goddamn way.

Get yourself a nice girl. Settle down in the jungle. Learn some Muay Thai. Go fishing. America's not for you, son. You're going to get some fucking... The chick that did marry him. Did you ever see the chick that married him?

Yeah. She took pictures on his deathbed when she was like that's so rough like just get like a self portrait and he's fucked up with pipes tubes coming out of his mouth oh it's beyond gross it's it's one of the darkest pictures i've ever and that's saying a lot that i think i've ever seen on the internet it's true one of the darkest pictures because it's just like the there's such a lack of love and respect and there's a lack of, you know, remorse. And she's not sad that he's dying. If she is, it's not that sad.

Yeah. It's horrible. I don't know. I mean, who knows how he treated her, you know? Of course he treated her like shit. He probably yelled at everybody. But, you know, the guy's like, again, he was born fucked up. Yeah.

Could you imagine just going through life going, there's no way to fix this? And they're like, no. He was so talented though. As an actor? When he was a kid. I mean, he was amazing

if you go back and ever watch. What do you do if you're a guy like that? That's what the hard part is. You know, how do you transition from being,

you know, I mean, it's really, I guess if you could write your own shit, if you could write your own thing that's really good

about a guy who's in your situation, you know, then you could come up with some sort of a show as an adult. It's possible, right? Yeah, yeah, I mean, but you gotta adapt and morph and change and grow with the times, and that's, I think, what happens to a lot of child actors, they kind of don't. They also,

you know, they're used to being treated a certain way and getting certain big paydays and certain big checks, and when it's time to humble yourself and start working again for less or start doing things that you may not really like, their egos are too big.

You've got to stay humble. I think that's one of the biggest... Erin Gray helps, doesn't she? How hard is it to stay humble? That is the most hard thing, right? The most confusing thing is when you know that you're just a normal person, but everybody treats you like you're special because you're a star. Like when you're on a set, if you're on a set like a sitcom,

it's so easy to lose your head because everyone's kissing your ass, and all the network people are all walking on eggshells around you, and they want to be really friendly with you, and everybody wants to be nice to you, and everyone's got a big smile, and the show's doing well, everyone's got a big smile and the show's doing well. Everyone's got a big smile. Everyone kisses your ass. It's like you live in some weird world. And then you've got an accountant and you've got a lawyer that kisses your ass

and you've got a publicist that kisses your ass and a manager and all these people that you're employing that are kind of kissing your ass. That's why it's important, you know, just to have real people around you. It's very hard to pull off for some people. It's very hard to get yourself out of that spiral of confusion, your identity confusion.

Like, who the fuck am I? Yeah, but my friends were always outside Hollywood. That's what's important. That's the most important. My friends were always just guys that were farmers or ranchers or hunters. Did you just go knock on their door? Hey, I'm Rick Schroeder, and I'm looking for some fellow hunters. You want to play my video games?

No way. Let me be your friend. You're like Frogger. I got one in my house. What's up, son? You probably had a Dragon's Lair. That Dragon's Lair on set. You did?

Yeah. Dragon's Lair was the one where it was a cartoon scene. And then you did the right thing. What was the lead character's name? Dirk. Dirk. Love that. That game would just suck your money.

I remember I'd go to Westwood when I was a kid. And I'd bring like $40 a quarters. Right. And just sit there and play all night until I was sweating. That and Mach 3. Remember that one where it was like real jet footage where it looked like you were a plane and you were like shooting down things? I remember a lot of those. Mach 3.

I really remember Dragon's Lair. That was the best. Call of Duty is my game now. Totally. I play so much. Dude, when you go through the airport at that one, you just start mauling people at the airport. Have you played that one?

I like to play multiplayer. Oh, dude, you got to do it. I like to play online. No, I've done the campaign, but I like to play online against other people. I can't do it. I get addicted. You get addicted. I get addicted bad.

Do you play with the Xbox or with the PlayStation? I have both. Is that what you do with console? It's a console game? Console, Xbox. I like PC games. With keyboard and mouse, you have much more control.

I like first-person shooters. I like playing duels in Quake. Dude, you would love Call of Duty. Can't do it. You would fucking freak out, right? He just remembers Quake. Can you imagine going to Quake to Call of Duty?

That's craziness. I have a real addiction. I have a real addiction to games. No, it's Quiness. I have a real addiction. I have a real addiction to games. No, it's Quake. Quake Online still is the best game. Literally, 40 is the cutoff, literally, I found out. For what?

For the video game junkies. Oh, that's nonsense. Listen, man. Do whatever the fuck you want. No one is making the rules. No one's making the rules. Do what you enjoy doing. All right, this is all nonsense.

You're going to be dead someday. Do what you like now. Don't do what you like because you You're going to be dead someday. Do what you like now. Don't do what you like because you want to pretend to like it because other people think you're sophisticated. Then you're going to wind up going to fucking musicals and shit. Do what you like. Video games are way better than musicals, okay? Video games are fun as fuck. It doesn't matter if you're 80 years old.

If you fucking get some stereo headphones, get a good fast cable internet line, get online and play some Quake. Holy shit. You hear people coming out of the left side and the right side and rockets are flying at you and you're fucking mowing people down with a lightning gun. Quake.

I never even heard of Quake. You never heard of Quake? You're showing your age, son. Shit's ridiculous. Joe, I know you, but have you played this game? You can play it on the computer. You can play it on the computer. Imagine that times 50 billion.

Well, what is it? Okay, well, tell me why it's so great. The graphics, one, will blow your mind. And the weapons. The weapons will blow your mind. Playing with like 50 other people at once will blow your mind. Oh, God. And you can hide in trees and be a sniper if you want.

I'm scared. I'm scared. You should take a week off. I had a friend that lost his mind once. He was an actor. He lost his mind once. And this dude had never been in the military. And he called me up and he goes, if everything doesn't fucking pick up, I think I'm just

going to go to Iraq and start killing people. Wow. And I'm like, what? I go, what are you talking about? And he's like, you know what, man? Fuck it. At this point in my life, I'm ready to join the mercenaries. I go, okay, I can't talk to you anymore.

And I stopped talking to him. I think the last time I talked to him. Blackwater. I'm like, I wonder if this dude has just been playing a lot of video games. And he's like, you know, fuck it. I'll just get fragged. Just go over there and end it all. I wonder, you know?

Huh. What is it about? I mean, do you think people get desensitized playing video games to the idea of real war? For sure. Definitely. You think so? Definitely. For sure, huh?

For sure. But I don't think it makes sense to change their mind like killing people or anything. Quake has like totally fake movement. The physics of the game are not human physics. You can jump further than you can ever really jump. It's all about jumping and killing. You can strafe jump. You're really jumping sideways.

You can rocket jump. Especially if you play Rocket Arena. The physics are just crazy, wild, nutty physics. I think your games are more realistic. I'm not interested in that. I want some fast pace. I want to catch a dude in midair with a rail gun. You realistic. I'm not interested in that. But you would be. I want to catch a dude in midair with a rail gun.

You know what I'm talking about? He makes a jump and boom! I bet you if we get it here and we hook up our computers together, I bet within an hour you would be fucking like...

No! Joe, it's crazy, man. If you shoot somebody through their head, man, the whole wall behind you would splatter with blood. In the game. And the wall would start

to disintegrate. I might just have to pull out my flashlight right then and there. If someone's fucking head explodes behind them, I might just... I might get a Viking horn. Fucking my flashlight

and blowing my horn. God damn, his head exploded and splattered against the wall. That's got to be satisfying if you're a bad guy and you shoot somebody and their brain splattered against the wall That's gotta be satisfying If you're a bad guy And you shoot somebody And their brain splatters Against the wall

That's gotta be a I mean You know It's not There's no positive karma In murder But you know You get an A

For artistic effect Boom Have you been to I went to the New York I was doing NYPD Blue And I went To do research With some cops there

On how to be a cop And they took me to the morgue. Have you ever been to a morgue? No. Woo! You want to talk about intense? They had a wall like the size of that wall with Polaroids over probably the last 30 years of the most gruesome killings you've ever seen.

I remember Juanjo. The guy had put a double-barreled shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, and his head had split perfectly down the middle, and there was one on each shoulder. His head was split and laying on the shoulder. One on each shoulder. Like, perfect. And it was unbelievable, but... Anyway, um...

You should have tweeted those. You need a Twitter. Unbelievable photographs. God damn. There was this one, this girl, we went on this one crime scene. The guys didn't want to pay this prostitute, so they tossed her off the roof. She bounced off the air conditioners, 13 floors down. Oh, my God. Crazy stuff like that, man. Oh, my God.

Real stuff. Frigidaire. They didn't want to pay a prostitute, so they threw her out the window. Oh, my God. 13, yeah, 13. You can see the blood smears. Talk about, like, 13. You can see the blood smears. Talk about like a double offense against humanity.

I mean, think about like how empty you have to be to, first of all, you're not just getting this prostitute that you don't give a fuck about, but you're gonna kill her rather than pay her. Yeah, it's craziness. You've taken someone's child and you fucked her and then you decide you don't

need her money. You're worth less than nothing. You're worth less than nothing. Throw you out the window and have you die a slow, horrible death bouncing off fucking shit on the way down. There's some animals out there, man. It's chilling. You know, one of the things that I've always said about the internet that is good is the internet allows you to see these things without coming into contact with these people. is the internet allows you to see these things without coming into contact with these people.

I mean, normally, if you want to get that kind of an image and that kind of a visual, you have to either go on patrol with cops or you have to, you know, someone has to bring, or you get unfortunate and you see it, you know, against your will. But because of the internet, you can go and find this shit out

and see it from the comfort of your own home and just know, okay, now I know this shit exists. Now I know there's somebody like that out there. Because you run through your normal life, you're not going to meet somebody who wants to blow his fucking brains out, or blow your brains out with a shotgun. You need to know there's guys like that out there, right?

You know, I was in Compton shooting a movie, and 18 years old, 19 years old, Brad Pitt's in the movie, we played runners together. It's a movie called Across the Tracks. So I think, you know, when you're 18, you're tough. So I'm in the movie. We played Runners together. It's a movie called Across the Tracks. So I think when you're 18, you're tough. So I'm in my Porsche. So I'm driving around Compton.

Jesus Christ. And I stop at a hamburger joint. This is 1988. The crack wars are going on. You were driving around Compton in a Porsche in 1988. Looking like me. This is NWA days, right? Looking like me.

Yeah. So you're 18. You look like you're 12. I look like I'm 14, yeah. And you step out of a badass fucking car. So I step 18, you look like you're 12. I look like I'm 14, yeah. And you step out of a badass fucking car. So I step out of a badass car. Cheeseburgers, bitch.

I start ordering a cheeseburger, and this really nice dude comes up to me, a black guy, and he's like, you know, what's up, Ricky? Silver Spoons, love it, man, love you. And he's really nice. Black people always love me. I don't know why, but they really dug Silver Spoons. So anyway, so we're talking. A few minutes later, I go back.

Because it was the original MTV Cribs. I go back to check on go back to check on my car and there's three guys in my car in your car i didn't turn the alarm on my doors are open my hatch is open and they're pulling the cd changer remember back in the day that you had like an eight disc cd changer so they ripped that out oh my god now they're working on my blah punk On my radio With screwdrivers And so I ran over And they were like Cracked out people And I said Get out of my car Get out of my car

They didn't even look at me They like glanced at me And went back to work What? Wow Literally Oh my god There was nothing I could do

What the fuck was going Through your head? I was helpless You were how old? 18? 18 years old And they're ripping my blah punk out With their screwdrivers You don't have a

cell phone back then either. Did you page somebody? No. So the guy that I was in line with ordering a hamburger, cheeseburger, really nice guy, he comes around the corner and he sees my predicament. And he goes, Ricky, what's going on? I go, these guys are ripping my stuff off. And he goes, okay, I'll help you. Hold on. And I watch him go to his truck

or his car and he opens the trunk and he pulls out a shotgun this big with a pistol grip, and he runs up to my car, and he points it at the guys in my car, and he says, get out of the motherfucker's car or I'm going to kill you. And all those guys got right out of my car, man. Wow. Oh, my God. I got in my car, and he said, Ricky, you better get out of here.

You don't belong around here. Can you imagine if that was on YouTube? See, that's the kind of shit that needs to be on YouTube. Wow. I never stepped foot off the set again in Compton. Oh, my God. You don't belong around here. Can you imagine if that was on YouTube? See, that's the kind of shit that needs to be on YouTube. Wow. I never stepped foot off the set again in Compton. Oh, my God. Holy shit.

So they just looked up at you and went right back to work. Yeah. Just looked at me and went back to work. But that one guy saved my ass, man. I wonder what that guy did. I wonder if he was like a security guy. No, he was a gang member. There's a world.

He had that little shotgun. He was a gangbanger. There's a world of criminals that if you're not from the world of criminals, and somehow or another you fall into the world of criminals, just accidentally you stumble into it. Yeah, like I did. Yeah, you're fucked. You don't understand how everything is working. Yeah.

The world of criminals does not work anything like the regular world of society. No. No conscience. When I was 21 years old, I guess I was like 23 or 24, I moved to New York from Boston and I started hanging around with this dude who was a homeless pool hustler. And he was a really smart guy.

He became my best friend. Did he teach you a lot of pool? Yeah. Joe's great at pool, man. You played him? Yeah, it's not fair. He killed me. It's like playing Quake with him.

He killed me. And I'm not bad, but... He plays good. He plays good. Joe's really good. I got a sickness He killed me. And I'm pretty, I'm not bad. He plays good. He plays good. The Joe's really good. I got a sickness for games. And right now, the way I play pool is nothing like the way I used to play pool. I used to play pool eight, ten hours a day.

I played it all the time. But I went from living in suburban Boston, Newton, Massachusetts, to just mostly doing Taekwondo and competing in tournaments. That's all I did throughout my childhood. And playing pool with this guy. And then I went from that to living in New York

and not being around any of the same people and then hanging out with this homeless pool hustler character and then finding myself in these fucked up situations. With crazy people. Like I'm taking him to buy crack

at fucking three o'clock in the morning. And we're in Harlem and he's got to go into this place I got the wrong door I want to find the right place he was fucked up and and I was like what am I doing here and then you know there was a realization that if I got busted if we got pulled over when he was making a bus they would take my car you know I'm helping him but I like the guy but I was like completely out of my element I was like wow this is a creepy fucking world that I'm into all of a sudden. I'm into this weird

crackdown. Same thing happened to me. Gangster. What happened to you? This girl used to date her roommate like crack. And so she's like, will you come with me and him? Because his car's broke. We need to drive. I'm like, okay, what are we doing? He's like, he's going to a friend. He's going to pick up some shit.

And I thought they were just talking about weed. So I walk into this house with these people, and they're like, get in the basement. And it's a crack house. I didn't even realize it was a crack house. So I go downstairs, and there's people that crack everywhere. There's just a person at this table. And I'm sitting there thinking, all right, I'm the only white guy here,

except for my girlfriend. And two, this is a crack house. And this is, what the fuck am I doing there? Of course, nothing happened. But I just remember that. But it could have. I was like, that's the end of this, hanging out with this girl. Do you remember New Jack City?

Remember New Jack City? You got the titties hanging out. Remember when they had the crack factory? That shit was really going on places, right? Yeah. They were really manufacturing crack. Mookie? What was his name?

Pookie? I don't remember. That was a great movie. Fuck. Drugs are scary as fuck yeah that's the scariest drug people think that I'm like pro drugs because I'm pro marijuana

and pro psychedelics but I'm pro nothing they get addicted to and nothing that can kill you you know there's shit that you should totally avoid

I totally want to try Adderall though yeah well according to Ari it makes you clean your house I want to try it I've never done it Ari hasn't cleaned his house in forever right he got on one Adderall though Yeah well according to Ari I want to try it Ari hasn't cleaned his house in forever He got on one Adderall Half of one Adderall

And he cleaned his whole entire place Amazing he found traffic keepers from 12 years ago With the Incredible Hulk on it From a middle school kid that he kidnapped Wow Adderall is supposed to be really powerful shit Robert Schimmel told me he took it accidentally once.

Ecstasy. Have you ever tried that? Yeah. I'm not really a fan of that. I've never tried it. I learned a lot when I did ecstasy. I had a very powerful

positive experience. I learned a lot from it but I wouldn't do it again. I did not like the way it made my brain feel. The next day my brain was very dull and it felt like

the way I described it it felt like a sponge where most of the water had been wrung out of it it just wasn't working right yeah well I couldn't make five Mike couldn't make connections right I was in a like a Starbucks and I was reading a magazine the next day I was reading a boxing magazine I couldn't read the magazine I couldn't read it it was a story I wanted to hear about a you know I'm always always been a boxing fan I'm reading this matchup and I couldn't read it I couldn't put the words

together and I was like fuck I can't read it. I couldn't put the words together. And I was like, fuck, I can't read. Okay, whatever I did last night to have this fucking loving, everybody's cool, let's all be friends, and this beautiful, positive, enlightening experience, the next day, you pay for that shit. You paid for it. I paid for it.

And I was like, okay, I paid once. I'm not paying again. I know there's some shit that doesn't do that. I know that it was a positive experience for me. I realized, you realize when you do ecstasy a lot of what is possible

if everybody dropped the bullshit. You realize how beautiful life would be if everybody was super friendly and happy to see each other. It would be way more fun and way more enjoyable than it is right now.

And you realize that you can do your part to kind of make it lean in that direction. like it would be way more fun and way more enjoyable than it is right now and you you know you realize that you can do your part to kind of like make it lean in that direction so i think in that way it was very positive but i think those the elevated levels of brain hormones that you give yourself when you take that stuff there's a deficit like you you go up so then it crashes and then you don't have any left and then your brain is just like all shitty and fucked up until it replenishes everything on its own. I don't think that's smart. I don't think you should fuck with that. There's other stuff that doesn't

do that. Mushrooms don't do that. I'm scared to take shrooms again. I want to so bad, but the last time I shit for six hours straight on shrooms, and it was the most craziest, uncomfortable, worst, you know, hanging out in the bathroom shitting. Did you say shit? Yeah. And sometimes they make you shit because it's like you're eating mushrooms.

You're eating poison. Well, it's not poison, but they do have bacteria on them sometimes. They do have, a lot of them have fungus on them. Right. I've heard of throwing up, but not diarrhea. A lot of people throw up. Some people throw up,

and that's when it really kicks in, which is really kind of strange. Dude, you were shitting on tripping. Tripping. I remember looking at the ground. It was like a checkered pattern. I remember the checkers were going up and down, kind of like Tetris or something like that.

I saw my heartbeat in the floor while I'm shitting my brains out. The crazy thing about the mushroom experience isn't the visuals. The crazy thing is the feeling that you get like you kind of get it now. It's this fleeting feeling. It's like while you're on the mushrooms, you get it. It all seems to make and it's like this fleeting feeling you know it's like while

you're on the mushrooms you like you get it it all seems to make sense it all seems to fall into place it's like there's a familiar yeah familiar but it's also there's like this in enhanced level of understanding it's like all the bullshit that's going on in your head all the insecurities all the false assumptions all the things that are just like tripping up the way you think they all get pushed to the side and the lights all get turned on. That's what my experiences have been on mushrooms. But no paranoia?

No. I had it all the time. Every six times, maybe? Paranoid and anxiety and fucking bad trips and shitting myself. Well, I think it's when you try to control it. It's very humbling. Sometimes I think it's just too strong or too, like you said, different molds and stuff. So you're getting reactions from molds.

Yeah, you don't know who the fuck's growing your mushrooms too, right? Or making your LSD. Some people, you hear stories of crazy LSD makers that don't know what the fuck they're doing. And you're just pretty much fucking your brain up. Here's a story, Rick, that I think was fascinating. We've talked about this before on the show. The CIA used to do experiments on American civilians in the 1950s against their will. They did a thing called Operation Midnight Climax,

where the CIA owned a brothel in San Francisco and in New York. And they got these guys who were going to get laid, and they dosed them up with acid and ran tests on them. That's how the CIA... Can we make that into a movie? Fuck you. Let's do it, son. We're going to work together. You saw it here, ladies and gentlemen. This is the beginning.

What research do you have? Ricky Joey Productions. No, it's real. It's true. It's Operation Midnight Climax. It's the Freedom of Information Act. They released these documents. Let's develop that. That sounds crazy. Someone needs to do a documentary on. Yeah, let's do it. It's real shit, man. That sounds crazy. I know, right?

Look, someone needs to do a documentary on acid because people don't realize it. Because it was squashed out, they threw so much water on the fire, and it all died out so quickly. We all don't realize, people who live today in 2010, what an impact acid had on the culture of the 1960s. I mean, people really were convinced that we're all one. The flower movement of San Francisco, the flower power movement, those people are all on acid. What about Disney? Ken Kesey? I don't know. What about Disney? I heard Disney did that stuff. Oh, a lot of people have done acid.

I'm sure he probably did it. How the fuck do you come up with that crazy mouse unless you're doing acid? It's possible. Who knows? I mean, you might not have, but I think a lot of people did it because there were so many people doing it, so many people reporting all these positive experiences on it that all these rich, powerful people, anyone in a position that would get in contact with these people that are doing it, these artists, they would want to try it.

Ken Kesey and Timothy Leary and all those guys and Terrence McKenna, all those dudes that are doing acid back then, they all wanted other people to do it. What's the difference between acid and mushrooms? What's the difference? Acid's man-made. LSD, yeah, it's man-made. I mean, it does exist. What's the difference between acid and mushrooms? What's the difference? Acid is man-made. LSD, yeah, it's man-made. I mean, it does exist. What's the difference?

It exists actually in seeds of some plants. Hawaiian baby wood rose, I think, has it in it, or it has a similar compound in it, and there's another one in morning glory seeds. Morning glory seeds has like a natural form of LSD. You can buy morning glory seeds, and you do something to them there's like directions how to do it online you you make like pour acid on it no no you you like

cook them or something and then you eat them and you trip your fucking balls off terence mckenna said that his first psychedelic experience was morning glory seeds and then he had all this aztec imagery like he was looking at like fucking mayan temples and shit through the clouds i heard that with a lot of things like banana peels licking frogs no no but this is real but isn't the banana peel thing no no no banana peel is not real no frogs are real there's there's certain frogs that produce um ma5meo uh dmt yeah they sell them on ebay i remember a long time ago i was actually going to buy one just to experiment with they say what you have to do you know how to do it huh yeah there's a whole website devoted to it yeah i didn't say that i

what i heard is that you have to like make you rub them on glass and then their excretions are on the glass and then you dry the excretions in the sun and then you scrape it off and smoke it is that is that what you probably something like that i didn't actually do it oh no no i was actually i talked to the breeder and he was just like i'm'm going to have a new batch soon. I was going to buy three of them. But then I was like, what am I doing? I'm so stoned. I'm buying frogs off eBay. Buying frogs to trip the fuck out. That 5-MeO

experience is still legal. That's one of the weird things. When I first did 5-MeO, we ordered it online. 5-MeO DMT. More potent than regular DMT. Psychedelic drug And you can just order it online You can get like a vat of it

And just smoke your fucking brains out You know it's way more powerful than mushrooms Way more powerful than pot And you can order it online You ever candy flipped? That's where they take ecstasy And put on one side is ecstasy On the other side is LSD

Oh my god What are you doing to your brain? It's called candy flipping Fuck I can't handle that. See, that goes into those weird lose your mind forever trips. I blame the Grateful Dead and all that shit. Do you think you lost some brain cells back then?

Totally. But I think I lost the most brain cells with that one story I told you about where I rented this apartment and then my heat ended up being carbon dioxide from the gas furnace blowing on me for two years or a year. Oh, that's right. I found out the day I'm moving out. And the guy's checking over my room, make sure I didn't destroy it. And he goes, what the fuck?

Why is that uncovered? I'm like, well, that's my heat. And it was the gas outtake for the gas furnace. It was this carbon dioxide. You could have died easily. There's many nights where me and this girl would be like, dude, let's just sleep today. And I'm like, OK. But luckily, it was such an old house

it was drafty so it wasn't like airtight or something dude you were getting poisoned right i think that did the most damage and i totally wasn't that long it's like actually like eight months or something like that but it takes one night though you would have been a different person yeah i totally looking back at that i think i definitely got some brain damage mostly with speech i think your speech yeah i feel like stuttery since then. Oh my God. And I should totally sue this place, but now it's like, what, 12 years later, 20 years later?

Dude, fucking sue. Maybe the guy hit the lottery since then and now. Doubt it. You don't know. Doubt it. You could get paid, son. I know. Who cares?

Go get yours. So it made you stutter. Yeah, kind of. I think from that, that's what I remember the most. Well, that one famous tennis player died like that. Vetus Girolitus. How did he die? In his room by carbon monoxide poisoning from a heater just a couple years ago.

Not too long ago. One more reason to live somewhere where there's no heat, bitch. And have electric cars. How often do you need to heat in California? Down here? Dude, it's so hot today. It gets hot as fuck. But what is better?

Hot as fuck or dry, black ice, you know? That scares the shit out of me. I like hot as fuck. I like everything. Hot as fuck to me is better than you can't control your car because the fucking, the whole highway becomes an ice skating rink. That's happened to me many times in Boston. Fucking hates it. When I grew up

in Boston, I used to, I drove every day because I delivered newspapers. When I was fighting, doing Ta I used to, I drove every day because I delivered newspapers. When I was fighting, doing Taekwondo to make money, I would deliver newspapers during the day. Then I would teach classes and train and then I would go and compete. So when I would get up in the morning, every morning at 5 a.m., a lot of times, nobody had plowed, nobody had done shit. And I would just be on, just, I learned how to drive on like a skating.

It was like a rink. Like I would slide around corners sideways on purpose because nobody was around. Like I knew how to handle it after a while. Are you a Boston Bruins fan? No. I don't really like sports. You didn't like sports, yeah.

I got bored with sports when I was young. The moment I started like doing martial arts, I thought sports were stupid. Taekwondo. What's the difference between that and jiu-jitsu? Taekwondo is a striking art. It's kicking. Mostly kicking.

Kicking and punching, but mostly kicking. That's what I did for most of my life. Judo is throwing. Yeah, we talked about that last night. I told Ricky how to kill somebody with a leather jacket. Just put your hand under here. I'm telling him that if a dude does not understand jiu-jitsu, and he's an asshole, and he has a jacket on,

that's why it's good to learn the gi. Learn how to use the gi in jiu-jitsu. Because a lot of times people are wearing clothes. And if some guy is attacking you, and he's got a a jacket on, that's why it's good to learn the gi. Learn how to use the gi in jiu-jitsu. Because a lot of times people are wearing clothes. And if some guy is attacking you and he's got a leather jacket on, all you have to do is get your hand up in there. Get your hand on that collar. Deep in that collar on his neck. And he's a dead man. You're dead, son.

Because I'm going to connect on the other side. And you're going to go 90, 90, 90. That's nice. 90, 90, 90, son. That's all I need to know. I just need to know that. I'll teach you that room and then you just fuck with skiers all day. What, bitch? 90, 90, 90 cents That's all I need to know I just need to know that Hang out in a cold environment I'll teach you that room And then you just fuck with skiers all day

What, bitch? Come up here with them big shoes on, bitch Hang out in snow lounges But judo is the scariest thing If a guy's got clothes on You get in there with some fucking Jimmy Pedro type character Some Olympic judoka They grab a hold of your clothes, man

You're going sailing through the air And coming down on your fucking head on the concrete it's that's that's no joke man is karate pretty useless nowadays no no karate's definitely not useless there's a lot of tech if you're a black belt in karate though no it depends on who you're getting it from and there's a ton of different styles of karate and even within those styles there's there's instructors that are much more you know they're they're much more pure with their technique they're they're better they're they've you know they've competed in like international and world tournaments and you know you're always going to get levels there's karate guys like machida that are machida is a bad motherfucker and his base is karate and he does

the best things about karate he's got a wide stance he stays back on the outside he counter attacks he knows how to leap in and leap out very difficult to time because of that and very good at like leaping in almost like a fencer and tagging people he fucks people up man and that's karate he's using for real but he's excellent at it that's the thing it's like karate is not the best martial art but if you get really good at karate and then learn the other shit you learn muay thai how to check kicks how to throw knees how to you know take a guy down and choke him. You learn some jiu-jitsu techniques. Fireballs.

Fireball. How do you know what's it? Fatality. If you learn all that stuff, you can add to it. But the thing about karate that makes it interesting is that not that many people are doing it. So if you get a guy who's a really good, like, really good, like, there's a bunch of different styles. But Kyokushin is one that's a real good one and shotokan is another one the shotokan guys tend to be more like leap in and

i like drunken drunken monkey style yeah that shit's awesome yeah drunken monkey kung fu that's real that shit dude well the chinese tried everything man you know they they tried all kinds of different fucking animal forms and grasshopper and attack like a praying mantis and fucking poke you with your fingers and shit. Chinese were like the most innovative coming up with different techniques for fighting. What about just old school wrestling like, you know, Roman Greco...

Greco-Roman wrestling. Is that like Jiu-Jitsu though? Well, it is in the fact that it's grappling. It is in the fact that you're still controlling a person's body, but the intent is different. There's no end point. It's back. Well, it is. They beat the fuck out of you once they hold you down's body, but the intent is different. There's no end point. It's back. Well, it is.

They beat the fuck out of you once they hold you down. The thing about a wrestler is once they get you on your back, you're fucked. They're used to, their whole life has been dedicated to holding guys down. And putting their shoulders to it, getting them. Yeah, so when they get on top of you and they're punching you,

they're holding you down and they're punching you and they're beating the fuck out of you. Some of the most dangerous fighters in the world are wrestlers because of the fact they have the ability to dictate where the fights take where the fight takes place if they decide to take you down they take you down and if you want to take them down you can't they're better at wrestling than you so you're fucked so you have to do what they want to do if he wants to fight on the ground you have to fight on the ground if he wants to stand up you have to stand up it's a huge advantage so wrestling is a big part yeah he's a wrestler

yes definitely wrestling is a big part of mma and his name? He's a wrestler. Yes, definitely. Wrestling's a big part of MMA. And Brock Lesnar was a wrestler? Wrestler, wrestler. It's his number one skill. Brock is learning submissions. He's getting better at submissions. He's an incredible athlete. He's learning striking.

He's getting better at it. But his number one skill is wrestling. Number one for sure. So he's really good at it. He's really good at taking guys down. He's a big, powerful, fucking athletic guy who's got excellent wrestling technique. He's learning all the other stuff wrestling is number one that's the base

it's the base it sounds like yeah you just gotta understand jiu-jitsu so you don't get trapped you don't get caught into certain techniques because some guys are fucking dangerous off their back like eddie eddie's very dangerous off his back like whenever i roll with eddie i only roll with him like you know not that often but every time i i think i'm safe when he's on on his back and he catches me with something. It's like his legs are so dexterous. He really knows the insides and outsides of each and every position. But a lot of guys don't have that. There's only a few guys, Fabricio Verdum, the guy who just tapped out Fedor, he's got that to even higher level. His guard is nasty.

There's guys that you just, you can't get comfortable with. If you're on top of them, you can't get comfortable with. They're you're on top of them you can't get comfortable with you know they're they're always attacking they're always setting you up and they're always moving one step ahead of you you zig when you should have zagged all side bang you got a triangle locked on motherfucker you're fucked right then you're trying to battle out of it but he knows which way you're gonna go because if you go that way he's gonna counter you by holding your leg and pulling that up and now he attacks your arm then he attacks the triangle next thing you know, you're fucked. Yeah.

Because he's just got this high-level shit. But unless you're fighting those guys, most wrestlers are going to be able to pin a guy down and hold him down. It's a huge skill to have. I mean, you must outweigh Eddie by 40 pounds. No, not that much. 20? I think Eddie's like 170. No.

I'm like 185. I think Eddie's like 165. I bet you he's 165. So what are you? I'm 185, 190. So 25 pounds. Yeah, and I'm a lot stronger than I think Eddie's like 165. I bet you he's 165. So what do you have? I'm 185, 190. So 25 pounds. Yeah, and I'm a lot stronger than him. He still taps me.

Yeah, you're big. Yeah, I can't tap him. I've never tapped him. I don't think I've ever even come close. Well. I've only made him struggle. I've made him like, I've never made him like real close to the tap.

One day, will you? Who knows? Is he ticklish? Most likely he'll tap me again. I don't put nearly as much time into it as he does. He teaches classes every day, and he trains every day. You know, he's training. When he teaches classes four nights a week,

he's got a knee injury right now, so he's not training. But when he does, he's always rolling. He rolls constantly. If I'm lucky, I'll get three days a weekend, you know, if I'm lucky. And teaching too, teaching. A lot of guys, like there's a dude named Brent at our school who was really good, but then he started teaching and he became great. There's something about teaching people when you really

dissect the techniques. They say that one of the best ways to improve your jiu-jitsu game is to teach it to somebody else. Is that that tall, light-skinned, black guy? No. Brent is a heavyset white guy. A big, really smart dude. He's a brown belt under Eddie. He's a high-level brown belt.

When he first started out, he was just a regular guy. Just another dude who was always good, he was talented. But when he started teaching, all of a sudden he started taking off. He's a handful, very dangerous guy. And every time I roll with him, I'm like, whoa. There's just certain guys that you roll with where you just got to watch your fucking P's and Q's. This guy's trying to kill you.

One thing I learned real quick was you're either all in or all out, two hands in or two hands out. If you got one hand in, if you're on top and you put one hand in, they can somehow grab your arm and trap it. So you've got to be all in, right? Is that true? Yes, but even all in, you've got to be careful. If you get a guy like Fabricio Verdun and he controls both your wrists,

you're fucked. You've got a lot of problems because he's going to attack both ways and as you as you defend one way he's going to attack the other way you know as if he controls your wrist at all you're fucked it's very important you get wrist control jiu-jitsu is a such a tactical fun thing to do because as you do it it's very frustrating it's almost like remember when you started doing stand up comedy and you said the frustrating thing is that there's no end to this. It's like it's going to go on forever. It's going to take forever to get good at it.

Right. You know that feeling? Yeah, it's just a lot of devotion to something that you're going to have to go on forever doing. It's going to take forever. You see a guy like Joey Diaz, you're like, how the fuck am I ever going to get that good? Right. It's going to take 15 years for me to get that good. I'm too old for that now.

That's the same feeling with jiu-jitsu. When you first start out, you have to enjoy each little miniature battle that you win every every new lesson that you learn but the the most humbling thing about it is as you do it you realize how little you know yeah there's so many guys that are so much better there's just i'm like decent but there's so many guys that we're all talking about marcelo garcia last night he's the one of the best probably the best grappler in the world. Really technical. Not like this brutish, powerful guy, but just all technique. And he's this Brazilian dude.

Super, super smart dude and super nice guy, too. And just fucks everybody up. And there's videos of him online just smashing guys. Just taking these really high-level wrestlers, really tough guys, and just running through them. Just choking them. Choking the fuck out of them. Oh, he's a judo guy? No, he's a jiu-jitsu guy.

Over and over and over again. Watch this guy just running through people. When I'm in full guard, when somebody's got me, when I'm above someone and they've got me, is it called they've got me in full guard? They've got you in the guard. They've got me in the guard. I don't even have a good move yet to break out of the guard,

to get on side control. I can show you some stuff. There's a a bunch of different techniques do you have a few go-to moves yeah yeah yeah like buy a gun buy a gun it's a game man it's a game if you treat it it look if you treat it like penn and teller did this thing on martial arts where they said that you're better off saving your money and then giving it to the mugger saving the money that you would but it's not about not getting mugged. What martial arts are about is like, it's a very difficult thing that makes your character stronger.

When you learn martial arts, what you're doing is you're doing this incredibly difficult thing, and when you do that, you learn about yourself, and other things become easier. Yeah, and it's humbling, man. Yeah, it's very humbling. It's humbling when some guys... You look at them, it doesn't look like much, but man, you're tapping now. Yeah. It's humbling, man. Yeah, it's very humbling. It's humbling when some guys, you know, you look at them, it doesn't look like much, but man, you're tapping now.

Yeah. It's humbling. Dude, it's a freaky feeling. It's a freaky feeling to have guys dominate you. And it's a freaky feeling to dominate guys, too. It's a weird feeling. Much better feeling. It is better, but it's weird to feel people nervous and freaking out.

Like when they first start doing it and shit, and there's like, you know, they think they're tough guys. And they realize, like like you're closing in. Like this is getting to a position where fuck, I'm not getting out of this. You know, you've got the dude mounted and he's bucking and he's trying to explode all his energy. But every time you do it, you counter. Nope, not going anywhere. Not going anywhere. Stay here.

Squash you. And you start slowly squishing them and squashing them and you feel them panicking. You feel them start to freak out. They don't want to admit that you're going to kill them. But that's really what it is. They have to tap out and they have to say okay, you were just going to kill me. Thank you for not killing me. And then you go again. It's the craziest game

ever. And as you get better at it, you understand that it's really all about focus and energy and trying to put all the techniques together. But then once you get them all together, like once you drill them all and you get them as a part of your repertoire, then it just becomes this crazy zen thing where you don't even know what you're doing when you're doing it. While you're countering and attacking and everything, it all plays itself out.

It's like you drill techniques to a certain point where when you're rolling, they all just come out natural. Then it's crazy fun. Then it's really fun. And especially when you're going with another guy who's really good too because you're just battling back and forth and countering back and forth. And you don't even have time to think. You're not thinking about your bills. You're not thinking about shit.

You're not thinking about your dog. You're not thinking about your tire that you need to... You're there in that moment, but like in a Zen way where you're not even thinking about yourself. Because it's so difficult. You don't have the time to wander on your bullshit. You have to keep your eye

on this guy who's trying to choke the fuck out of you. I get it. You know, it's... Have you been, Brian? No, no. I just...

It's not for you. I like croquet. It's not for him. He likes cats. Cats and croquet. It's not for everybody, man. But I knew it would be for you. I'm glad you're doing it. I knew it would be for you. I'm glad you're doing it.

I knew it would be for you. Totally love it, man. Loving it. Because especially when you tell me stories. We went to dinner over at his house, and he tells me stories about trying to jack dudes and fucking backing up into them on the highway and getting crazy. On Venice Beach is the story I told you about. Yeah, you told me that story, too.

I'm with my wife and kids going down Venice Beach, and I'm on a bike, and this other kid on a skateboard, 20 years old, we kind of bumped into each other by accident. Nobody's fault. And so we kind of untangled from each other, and I decided to go on my way. And as he's leaving, he's like, you know, stupid motherfucker, get out of my way next time. And he's like 20 years old. And I'm like, fuck you, asshole. And immediately he turns around, and he's like i challenged him i guess by saying that

and immediately he turns around but he's got like four friends with him all 20 years old and my wife is like rick what you're such a dick for responding to that and i'm like well how can i not i mean the kid's 20 years old i'm 40 does you don't treat people like that you know in the world but you gotta you gotta recognize i understand that but you gotta recognize that these kids a lot of them have nothing to lose and their reputation means too much totally their reputation means anything so if you're not around kids like that if you if you challenge a kid like that like he a lot of in la i didn't consciously though do it it was instinctual just to respond of course man i'm the worst i'm captain caveman

when i get any issue like that i have to fight off every that's my biggest weakness that's my biggest weakness actually it's natural it's just it's natural reacting instead of like responding yeah it's legally it's not an issue i don't think because he's fucking with you you know he's starting with you and fucking but that's not the issue but the issue is your your health and safety yeah they could stab you or hurt you yeah situation well it doesn't matter for sure for sure really not even jujitsu because you don't want to grapple with a guy like that you want to fucking one two and you want to put him to sleep and then charge at the next guy and just let him know this is how quick i can put this dude to sleep i'm gonna get you next yeah because that's the last thing anybody wants is one dude knocking out everybody.

So when, if you have to attack somebody, you're better off, way better off learning how to strike. You don't want to like go, yeah, watch me pull guard,

bitch. You're on your back and the other three dudes are fucking soccer kicking you in the dick. Yeah. It's not the best thing to learn.

If there's a bunch of people, the best thing to have is fast fucking hands. They'd be able to just light somebody up. Just pop, bang. Because if you want to somebody, especially in the street, especially if they don't know how to fight, when that punch actually lands, pop, bam, and their eyes roll back in their head, they're not even going to expect, A, that you're going to be able to hit them that hard.

B, they're going to be able to do it that quick. Like most dudes have never really boxed. They've never really been punched. So if you can just find one dude and pop, bang, just put that dude to sleep, the other guy's going to go, oh, fuck this, and then you can get him to scatter. But if you try to do some jiu-jitsu. They should have a movie like The Karate Kid, but for jiu-jitsu, like The Jiu-Jitsu Kid, where the guy's just really good at jiu-jitsu,

like this little kid. Make it more like a – because jiu-jitsu – The jiu-jitsu kid. Well, jiu-jitsu is like a – It's a martial art. It's kind of weird. It's interesting. The jujitsu is a real martial art

in the sense that you can defeat a much bigger, stronger, more athletic person. It's very hard to do that with striking. But you can. It can be done. If a guy's an elite striker and he's facing a guy who's not an elite striker that's much longer...

Dan Henderson, right? Elite striker? Dan Henderson is really a wrestler. He's a very powerful striker, but he's not in the line of, say, an Anderson Silva. Anderson Silva's like an elite striker. He's a guy who really knows the intricacies of the stand-up game. Dan Henderson does as well, but he's more known as a wrestler.

Because I saw him take out that British guy with a one-punch. Oh, yeah. Well, he can knock anybody out with one-punch. Yeah, he's got super power in his hands. He can knock anybody out. He knocked out Vandalee Silva with one punch. He's knocked out a lot of guys with one punch. But he's not known as a striker. Right.

He's not known as a technical striker. What about Chuck Liddell? Yes. Is he a striker? He's a striker, yeah. Is he fighting again? I don't know. I don't know.

I think he hasn't made a decision. You think so? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. You know, your time becomes up. When it's up, it's up.

Yeah. And he had one of the greatest careers of all time. You know, I just think at a certain point in time, you have to be concerned about your health. You know, you have to be concerned about how many knockouts you take and concerned about your future. He had this fucking incredible, amazing career. The problem is, you know, you have that kind of a fire burning inside you.

It's very difficult to turn that shit off. You know, very, very, very, very, very difficult to turn that shit off. Those guys, like, you know, they're not, their whole fucking system is wired for competition. Whole system is wired for combat, for the moment, for getting into that cage, under the bright lights and performing.

You know, their whole self-esteem is based on their ability to rise to a place that most men can never get to. You think they could transfer that easily, though, like start playing video games or start doing something else? It's not the same. We're moving to business or something. Listen, man, I don't think we as civilians could ever possibly understand the highs

that it must be when Chuck Liddell fucking throws his arm back and pushes his chest out and screams after he knocks people out like after he knocked randy couture out i mean randy couture is one of the baddest motherfuckers on the planet and he connects bam and randy goes down and that high is probably cocaine times a billion you know yeah it's probably insane it's probably he probably never feels more alive he probably never feels more alive. He probably never feels more energetic, more fulfilled. This incredible eight-week training camp,

every day waking up for this one moment, and then finally it comes against one of the baddest motherfuckers on the planet in front of 16,000 people in a fucking arena, and everybody's going crazy, and you're a punch connect. Yeah. They live for that moment. Yeah, they live for it.

Dear Iceman, look out! The cow goes nutty and they strap the belt on him. And then they ask him, you know, so what's next? Anybody, I don't care.

I'll fight anybody. I'll fight anybody in the world. I like to fight. Ah! It's hard to step down from that, I think. I think that's a fucking... Well, it's probably a high

like you have in comedy. No. Not even close. No, comedy's probably a high like you have in comedy. No. Not even close. No, comedy's more just fun. We're having a good time. But aren't you? You must get a high. Yes, you sure.

You have fun. It's a different kind of high, though. It's not nearly as crazy. It's not nearly as primal. It's more fun, enjoyable, everybody having a positive experience together. We're all partying. We're all having a good time.

I'm telling you some comedy. You're laughing. We're enjoying our time together. It're all partying. We're all having a good time. I'm telling you some comedy. You're laughing. We're enjoying our time together. It's all fun. Fighting is much more you trying to master something. It just so happens there's an audience there watching it, but it's a totally different experience, very inward. You trying to overcome some guy's physical strengths

and impose your will on him, impose your conditioning and your preparation on him. It's way, way way, way crazier. Comedy is like everyday normal bullshit. Like to me, I can go on stage right now. If there was an open mic right next door and then, you know, while we're doing the podcast, somebody said, Hey Joe, you want to do 10 minutes? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll go up.

Come on. I'll go up. I'll just go up and start fucking. What's up? What's up? What's going on? I'll just start doing standup. Just going into my act.

I couldn't go fight. You know, couldn't say, do you want a cage fight in 10 minutes? I'd be like, no, I need like 10 months and I got to talk to my mom.

Fucking get a nutritionist, man. I got to make sure my strength and conditioning program's in order. Fuck, who am I fighting? Is he a striker, a wrestler? I got to prepare my, you know,

what am I going to do? I don't want to fight a striker. I don't want to get fucked up. You know, it's way scarier. Are you going to fight? No, no. Why not? Because it's not healthy. Yeah? Because I'd love to see fucked up. It's way scarier. Are you going to fight? No, no. Why not?

Because it's not healthy. Yeah? I'd love to see you fight. You must want to fight. You must want to fight to do it. I did a lot of competition, martial arts competition when I was young, where I enjoyed it, but I got out of it without any complications physically because of injuries or knockouts or anything like that.

But I knew people who did. I knew people who had complications. I knew people who had brain damage, for sure, from boxing. And it's compromised how they talk. It's compromised how they can think and make reasonable decisions. I've met people like that. I don't think there's anything wrong with fighting. I don't think we're all...

We're not going to live forever. And I think every man should be allowed to make his own decisions as to what he wants to do and how long he wants to compete and how many knockouts he wants to take and how much risk he wants to put his body. It's up to you. It's your choice. Why is it that you can go and do motorcycle riding? You can run between the fucking lanes and traffic

and that's okay. But, you know, a guy can't get knocked out more than three times. He can do whatever the fuck you want. But for me, I think if you are going to put yourself at risk, there should be an end point to it. And to me, it's like, what am I going to do? Am I going to be the best guy in the world?

No. Am I going to win a couple of fights? What's that going to prove? Well, the thrill of competition. And maybe getting your fucking face broken again. I've had my nose fixed recently, and it's fucking awesome. I love having my nose again. It's great. My whole life, I'd have fucked up, jammed up nose

I broke my nose, fallen down a flight of stairs when I was five And then I've been kicked and punched in the face I don't know how many times my whole life So it was all fucked up What's cool is you don't have anything to prove Because you are tough But that's silly There's a lot of people out there that can kick my ass

The needing to prove thing No one should need to prove anything And my ass the needing to prove thing should all be no one should need to prove anything and if you do need to prove something to you you need to just find out more about yourself

when you need to prove something like there's guys out there that are trying to start fights or guys that are people that have a chip on their shoulder what they need to do is get more

positive experiences in their life get more things where they've accomplished their emotions they've conquered their emotions and accomplished a goal that seemed really difficult to do. And they understand more about themselves. And that's one of the things about like MMA fighters, like some of the best

guys in the world. They're super friendly. George St. Pierre is one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. And he's one of the baddest motherfuckers pound for pound on the planet. Insane. He's so kind and so friendly and genuine. And the reason is he doesn't have anything to prove to anybody. He proves it to himself in competition. He proves it to himself in training. He proves it to himself with discipline, forcing himself to do the hard work to become great.

And he is great and recognized as great. So because of that, he's balanced. And he's a super healthy, super calm person to be around. A couple years ago, I watched him fight against that Brazilian guy. And it was a great fight. Thiago Silva? I think it was. Or Thiago Alves, rather. Excuse me.

Yeah. The one-tie striker? Yeah. And that guy was strong. Oh, yeah. And he couldn't submit him. Thiago Alves is a monster. St. Pierre couldn't submit him.

No. He went the distance. Yeah. Alves, he's a beast. But he has a problem making weight. Didn't make weight for his last fight. Again, rematch with John Fitch and he didn't look that good physically.

He looked like he was a little hurt by the weight cut. Because he's so big. In real life he's supposed to fight at 170 but he walks around over 200. So he's cutting. He's dehydrating himself like 30 pounds and then trying to replenish himself and it's just

there's going to be a point of diminishing returns where you cut so much weight and you dehydrate yourself so much that your performance is gonna suffer yeah he's just so big he was giant those guys are giant for 170 they're gigantic he's a fucking bull of a man you know he's just gotta lose some weight he's gotta lose some muscle she had too much what's so funny he's a bull of a man. He's just got to lose some weight. He's got to lose some muscle. He's got too much. What's so funny? He's a bull of a man. That's what he is. He's like a bull. He is a bull.

What would you call him? The raw power. What would you call him? A very nice gentleman. A nice gentleman? Yeah, he's a nice gentleman of flavor of muscles. I saw this picture of a chimp carrying fruit. It was an old female chimp and she had fruit in her hands and fruit in her feet and she's like carrying like these things and she's like flexing and i looked and i'm like holy fuck have you ever seen like a full-grown male chimpanzee or female chimpanzee full-grown how

big their fucking arms are holy holy shit that's scary just muscle gigantic her arms were gigantic and they're that crazy sinewy chimp muscle, too, which is nothing like human muscle. It's a fucking trippy photograph when you realize that chimp could just beat the fuck out of you. I remember that one. Anytime she wants. Ate that girl's face off?

That was brutal, man. We talk about chimps every week. My friend went to Sturgis, this motorcycle rally, Joe. And the whole time she's there, I think like four or five people died within like two days. And the guys, the people at the thing say, you know, this happens every year. People die like almost every day. And the last day she was there, this guy was doing where they rev up the engines really fast or whatever. It's called, I forget what it's called, but it's like they're just revving up their engines really fast.

Something happened and his motorcycle blew up and he got decapitated. Something flew out of his engine, decapitated. Oh, shit, son. And you know what I'm thinking? This is how dangerous

motorcycles are. Fucking, how many people die at this motorcycle thing, but yet there was a car show every day for the last 50 years in Burbank and no one's ever died

at a car show. Well, the thing about those motorcycle shows is that a lot of those dudes, they get crazy and they want to show off for each other. Right.

They start standing on their bikes. You ever seen guys surf with their motorcycle? Yeah. There was this old dude who was a motorcycle maker. I forget his name. He was a famous guy.

But he was famous for being able to ride his motorcycle like a surfboard. So he'd get that bitch on the highway, level it out, straighten it out,

and then stand on top of it. And he was fucking standing and he fell. He fell. And that's a wrap son what's that called you deserve what you get when you're doing that well no helmet too oh no helmet excuse me so stupid so he's just living out there on the edge and he just lost it and maybe that's the way he wanted to go you know who knows i mean and you know everybody kind

of like recognized it what people didn't make fun of them and say oh you fucking idiot that's what you deserved everybody said hey he died doing what he loved i guess okay i mean what you know really realistically what are you going to live forever i think there's new motorcycles that look like snowmobiles oh yeah those things are crazy look what is it one one in the rear and two in the front is that what it is uh yeah something like that yeah yeah it's so weird looking it looks like a snowmobile i've seen that you seen that? I've seen that. It's supposed to be wicked fast, too. Yeah. Yeah, can you see that Ariel Atom?

You've ever seen that thing? It's like a car. You ever seen it?