The Joe Rogan Experience - #376 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: July 23, 2013

Bryan Callen is an actor, stand-up comedian, and host of his own podcasts: The Bryan Callen Show and The 10-Minute Podcast, with co-hosts Will Sasso and Chris D'Elia.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day oh sweet baby jesus jesus louises mm-hmm brian motherfucking callan also known as as By The Way. Or The Kid. I refer to myself as The Kid. Whenever I'm on set now, I make the cameraman, everybody refer to me as The Kid. They're like, The Kid, can you just move to the left? I'm like, yes, I can.

What sets have you been on? What have you been doing? I just did a stint on a movie called Flock of Dudes, and that's it. I've just been doing, I like to take long, long breaks between my acting. But I did a movie, I did a movie a little bit

with Elizabeth Banks, who's 40 and couldn't look better. Who's Elizabeth, what is she from? Elizabeth Banks is, she's been in a ton of movies. She's not the chick from Showgirls. No, no.

That's Elizabeth. Perkins or something? Who knows? Don't you say who knows about Showgirls, dude. Just don't. I actually know her because I used to date her friend when I first got to L.A. Who, the showgirls girl?

Yeah. Elizabeth Hurley. No, it's not Elizabeth Hurley. Don't ever chime in if you're wrong, you fuck. Berkeley. Berkeley, there it is. Berkeley, ladies and gentlemen. Yes.

What a pretty face and, you know, an okay ass. Nothing special. Don't believe she's a dancer. Before we start, can I just hawk a date? But, you know, okay ass. Nothing special. Don't believe she's a dancer. Before we start, I just want to, can I just hawk a date? Yeah, before we start. Go ahead. This weekend at the Schomburg Improv, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Brian Callen.

Enjoy your fruit compo. People are thinking about going. They're like, this guy's too much. Forget this guy, man. He's too much. He's too full of energy. I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to be in that presence. I know, exactly.

Are you ready for hunting again? Dude, here's what I'm worried about. You had to choose November 21st in Wisconsin. You think the Missouri breaks was cold in October? We're going to freeze. Yeah, it's going to be cold. Why are you such a pussy? Because I am a pussy.

Don't listen. Because I've got a long neck and I can't conserve heat. That's why. Wear clothes. I don't have a short neck and wide wide center of gravity you retain heat we were freezing on that boat and you come by me and you were like you had icicles on your beard and you were smiling at me i was like what are you smiling i grew up in boston and i know how to deal with the heat i know how to deal with the cold rather you just deal with it yeah you just deal with it you just accept it are we sleeping in tents again no no no not this time what are we doing we're gonna sleep in a cabin really yeah

yeah we're gonna have like it's gonna be like a real place we can you have a bed the whole deal everything's gonna be beautiful i can't wait we're gonna have a good time that's no problem we're gonna have a good time don't be a pussy no it's gonna be fine i get to bag those people live there those people live there all year my dad's from wisconsin they're fine yeah i've been up to the north woods i bet you have yeah i really have you've been up to the Northwoods. I bet you have. Yeah, I really have. You've been to Chicago in January? I sure have.

I've done a few gigs in Chicago in January. It's ridiculous. They don't play. They don't play around up there. I just got back from Alaska. You did? Yeah, I went salmon fishing up there. I didn't tell you about that?

No. Ari Shafir and I went up there. Well, you know Ari, that outdoorsman. Ari Shafir can hang. I love him. He can know Ari, that outdoorsman. Ari Shafir can hang. I love him. He can hang. I bet he can. He can hang.

He finds his way through, right? He's a smart motherfucker. Yeah. He knows how to do anything he wants to do. That's what it is. He gets good at anything he wants to get good at. It's just, you know, he's the real deal. Well, what did you, did you catch any salmon?

Yeah, we caught a lot of salmon. Because, you know, I went to Alaska and went, and fishing. Did you really? Yes. Oh, well, I'm glad you're turning this around on yourself. Well, I caught nothing. So I'm asking you if you... I literally caught nothing.

Oh, and by the way, we spent $600 to go deep sea fishing, me and my father. Guess who got sick? Both of us. We were like, hey, can we turn this boat around? Yeah. So I want to hear about your story. You got to go with a guide and then you get salmon that big. Oh, what is that?

It's a dinosaur. What is that? It's a 40-pound salmon I caught. That's ridiculous. Yeah, we caught a ton of them. We caught seven of them one day. And then another day we caught four, and I caught a wild rainbow trout too. Now, did you catch them as they were coming to die?

Yes. Yes. I mean, essentially. They don't live. They come back up. They spawn, and that's a wrap, son. There's nothing going on. Did you see any bear?

We did not. We saw eagles. We saw a lot, son. There's nothing going on. Did you see any bear? We did not. We saw eagles. We saw a lot of eagles, but we were on the lookout for bears. Saw five moose inside of two days. Moose are everywhere up there. It's amazing. They're also, they say, way more dangerous than a lot of animals. Oh, yeah.

We saw, by the way, two of them. By the way, by the way. By the way. We saw two of the moose had babies with them. Yeah. Twice. Twice. So out of the four, we saw two mamas and two babies in two completely different areas.

Wow. So those are the most dangerous. Yeah. We saw a mother with her baby, and we saw a mother with her baby on a tiny island. Our friend Matt, who's the guide that we went out there with, he took us to his dad has an island with a bunch of cabins on it. We took a boat out to this island, and there's a moose and her baby on the island. And we're like, oh, shit. This is a small-ass island. It's like a bunch of cabins on it we took a boat out to this island and there's a moose and her baby on the island and we're like oh shit this is a small ass island it's like a block yeah and the moose is like what you doing here bitch and we're like oh shit yeah i guess it swam there it's a

horse yeah a horse that swam you never think of a horse swimming they can swim they swim like in the middle of the water like it's deep as fuck and they swim right through it. And by the way, that water, if I remember correctly, even in the summer in the North Atlantic, you got about 10 minutes. You fall in that water. You got about 10 minutes before you die. That's not the Atlantic, fellow. That's the Pacific. That's what I meant.

I meant the Pacific. Don't ever embarrass me on a podcast like that again. I'm doing it just to help you. No, I know. Because you're going to get the emails. I meant the area of the Pacific that's closer to the Atlantic. Yeah, that part when it flips around real quick. When it flips around.

You and your technical ideas about what a sea is. Yeah, but you've got about, I think, 10 minutes to live. That place is so gangster. Yeah. It's such a beautiful place, too. Have you been to Alaska yet? I have. You've got to do stand-up there.

Really? Fuck yes. It's one of the greatest places in the world. Where? Anchorage. I'll go. You've got to go. have you got to do stand up there really fuck yes it's one of the greatest places in the world where anchorage i'll go you gotta go gotta go it's amazing first of all these people are cool as shit all right they're like they're like the coolest people like from portland or boulder like those kind of people except they're living in the pacific i mean as far up there as you can get right you know Hop, skip, and jump away from Russia. Yeah, I mean, they're way the fuck up there, past Canada.

It's cold as fuck. It was 3 o'clock in the morning when we leave the bar, and it's bright out. Wow. Yeah, it's weird. I mean, when we were out there, the temperature was nice. It was in the 70s. The mosquitoes are un-fucking-relenting. Oh, yeah.

Unrelentingly. You've never seen anything like it. It's like they know they only have a certain amount of time. So you get out of your car, and there's a hundred of them on you, in your face, within seconds. It's incredible. They swarm you. One person with malaria in Alaska could kill the entire state. Yeah. They would just spread like wildfire through these fucking cunty mosquitoes.

They're unbelievable. Like, you've never seen anything like it. You get out of your car and it's a cloud of them just... I don't think off works with those kinds of... Yeah, it works. It does? Yeah, DDT. We used whatever shit.

We bought it at REI. It works. It works great. It's genius. You need it. It probably gives you cancer. Right. I mean, who knows what the fuck that stuff does.

It might be worth it, though, when you've got a cloud of mosquitoes. Yeah, believe me. I was in Utah last week and I didn't use it. You need it. Probably gives you cancer. Right. I mean, who knows what the fuck that stuff does. It might be worth it, though, when you got a cloud of mosquitoes. Yeah, believe me. I was in Utah last week, and I didn't use it in time. Now I got bites all over my arms. Those cold areas, man. Well, I was in Indonesia, and I had to carry a sulfur coil. Oh, by the way. By the way?

Yeah, by the way. When you're in Indonesia, please don't think that you're going to use, please don't think that OFF is going to work because those tropical bugs scoff at it. They laugh at it. So you had to carry a sulfur coil and burn it, and that's what kept the mosquitoes away from you. Is that real? Yes. How does OFF not work?

Because they're just too, they don't care. Really? They're tropical mosquitoes and tropical bugs. So we would carry a sulfur coil and you burn a sulfur, you hold it in your hand and you burn it as you walk. How about that? And that's what keeps them awake. Does it work? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Sulfur coil does. And because we would, you'd track in the middle of the, like when it was still dark. And then you set up a hammock because you don't want to sleep on the floor because bugs will get you. So you can set up a hammock. You lie in the middle of the, like, when it was still dark, and then you set up a hammock because you don't want to sleep on the floor because bugs will get you. So you can set up a hammock. You lie in the hammock. You wait for the orangutan above you to wake up.

Now, when you're in, and then when the whole forest wakes up, it's louder than Grand Central Station. It's, you never heard anything like it in my life, in your life. The forest in the tropical rainforest, louder than, put me on the corner of 42nd and 5th Avenue. It's louder, and I'm not exaggerating at all. Is it mostly bugs? It's bugs, birds, monkeys.

All together, just squawking. Different crickets, different grass, whatever it is. And the whole forest wakes up. You're like, this is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. I mean, monkeys. But birds are like. You're just like, are you kidding me? And it's mostly the bugs.

It's mostly the different bugs that are doing weird things like rubbing their legs together or frogs, you know, that are, you know, and I just couldn't believe it.

And you better carry a sulfur coil. You freaked me out when you told me about your first experiences there back when you were thinking about being like a bug scientist. Because you told me about the posts that they had where you slept and you had to cover them with turpentine. That's right.

Because of the ants. Because of the ants. When they're foraging, what they'll do is they'll just crawl over you. No problem. If they're hunting, you better have turpentine on those posts because they'll find you. They'll come up those posts. You're in your tent or you're in your bed and they'll come and kill you. They'll come and eat you.

And you can hear them. You can hear them. There's so many of them that you can hear a weird sort of hum. So that's what happens. You can hear them walking? Yeah. Apparently you can hear them when they're on the march, when there are millions of them and they're hunting.

You can hear the movement of the ground or whatever it is as they forage through. It actually makes a sound. There's millions of them. People don't understand, this is a real fact, that the weight of human beings is equal to the weight of ants in the entire world. Yeah. Just think about how many ants it would take to equal a person. How many millions of ants you'd have to stack on top of each other to equal the weight of a normal person.

Well, there's an equal number of pounds in the world of human as there are of ants. Well, I got my mind really blown. I had a guy on my podcast recently, James Rollins, who is like a right – he's like the Michael Crichton. And he went and spoke to some mathematicians at NASA. And the latest – they had all these really weird theories, which is we're basically living in a hologram. Have you heard about this?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a blue –. Then they said, then they said, what do you mean? He said, well, if you were to take all the space out of the atoms we're made of, so if you take all the space,

so you took all the electrons, you know, whatever that surrounds the nucleus, if you put it all together, you could take every human being that's ever lived, the actual mass that we're made of, and put it into a baseball. So then it raises the question of what in the world is holding us together? If you look closely

enough, we are way more space. And what seems to be creating solid matter is the relationship between energy fields. There's no way that they, as they look closer, there's no way they can actually point to what we're touching right now, like this wood. It's really, it's just, it's so mind-blowing.

Like, what are you talking about? When he said that, he goes, you could take every human being who's ever lived in, if you actually took what they're really made of, the matter that the atoms are made of,

you could put it into a baseball. What? Stop it. Every human being. Yes. He went through all this, like, we just did this baseball. What? Stop it. Every human being. Yes. He went through all this. We just did the podcast. He went through all of this crazy stuff he was talking to them about.

Yeah. I had a guy from JPL, this Dr. Richard Terrell. And he was talking to me about simulation theory. Terrell? Terrell? I can't read this. He was talking to me about simulation theory. And he was talking to me about the exponential growth of computers. That literally the amount of computations per second that the computers did,

the largest computers back when the Apollo moon landing program was going on, the amount of computations per second that they were capable of is the same as a key fob on a car. That's so mind-boggling where we're going. That is fucking beyond insane. A key fob on a car is actually faster. It's so crazy. It moves faster. It makes so crazy. It moves faster. It makes more computations per second than that giant computer.

I mean, it's not capable of the same thing, but as far as computations per second, your cell phone certainly is. Your cell phone's capable of far more, far more than any computer back then did, which was the size of a room. What we're talking about is one of the episodes of this new show that I'm doing, which premieres tomorrow on SyFy. Joe Rogan questions everything. One of the subjects is the subject of simulation theory about how insane it is that you can one day rest assured, without a doubt, 100%, they will create an artificial reality that is indiscernible from the reality that you're experiencing right now.

There's not a goddamn doubt about it. Not one millionth of one percent doubt that if human beings stay alive, if we don't blow ourselves up, get killed in a pandemic or hit by an asteroid, if any of those things don't happen, then within X amount of years, fill in the blanks, whether it's 100, 1,000, there's going to be a time where the computation power, the ability to manipulate neurons is going to be at a level that you are going to be able to insert an artificial world into someone's mind. And then you're not going to be able to know whether or not you're in that mind or whether you're in the real world. Are you in an artificial world or are you in the real world? But here's where it gets really freaky. What if you're in the artificial world and inside that artificial world you create an artificial world? That's where things get fractal, which is essentially the nature of the entire universe itself.

When you boil things down, when you get really small, things get really big. You know, and when you're talking about all the air that's inside of an atom, you know, all the space that's inside the atom, well, that sounds a whole lot like the whole universe, doesn't it? Doesn't that sound like... It sure does. It's a mini universe. Every galaxy is essentially... and look at the distance between galaxies. When you look at galaxies and you look at them and they look like stars because they're so small and so far away, but you see how far there is between them and the next galaxy, and then you realize that that little small dot you're looking at

is actually probably 300 or 400 billion stars, including a supermassive black hole in the center of it that's one half of 1% of the mass of the entire galaxy. And they go on forever. And there's this massive amount of space. I mean, it's essentially a giant atom. It really is almost the same thing. There's that theory that everything, whether it's the cell, a red blood cell, or skin cell, or, you know, we are all,

it's all essentially mini-universes. They all mirror each other on smaller levels. So you've got the whole universe, and then if you look at a cell, if you actually get into the minutia of a cell and really look at everything that's going on, it's as complicated as everything around us. It's just a mini version of that. So we are reflections, different levels of reflections of the exact same thing just on smaller or larger scales. Which is why the concept of creating a simulation and inside that simulation creating a simulation is so fucking nuts.

It's like the real problem comes when what you can simulate is exactly the same as what you can experience outside of the simulation, then which one is which? Right. And why is there a difference? What says who? Because you can knock on it? Well, guess what? You can knock on it

when you're in there, too. So it's real then. Then it becomes real. This guy, James Rollins, was again saying that they were also talking about string theory parallel universes, right?

The notion that there are different realities right next to each other. And maybe that's exactly what it is. That's where the hologram, this weird idea that I can't remember how he was describing it, but he, he, um, let's just go to the podcast. Uh, but he was, he was talking about how there is like this, um, uh, like a third sort of, well, it's basically a hologram. Basically the idea that there's a, there's a,

um, uh, this, what we're seeing here is just a reflective reality of something else. That's something I don't, I don't know. I don't even have it. It's too hard.

We're too stupid to actually repeat what these people have like worked their lives to. It's like so rude to get a little bit of an atom. It's just like a whole universe. I know. And you're like, the fuck I know it is No it's not Jesus I did my Doctrine that you fuck It's um it's

So incredibly complicated but Thank god someone's doing that work You know what he blew me away He said that the Greeks had kind of had this Assumption had this thought it was like a theory So like in Ancient Greece like this is not a new theory. The idea that you're creating your own universe in your mind and that you live inside of some artificial play that's being... Well, it's what, in fact, it's Plato's allegory of the cave. The idea that we live in a cave and

reality for most of us is simply reflections on the wall. That's exactly what this hologram guy was saying. So Plato's allegory of the cave is that we are all in the dark and what we think is real is actually just a superimposed imagery on a cave wall. And to get out of that, you have to climb up and follow the light and then come back and tell people about it but that's the allegory of the cave which is everything is basically um forms uh there is the notion that you can you can you may not know like the um the idea is you you may not be able to draw a perfect triangle okay you it would always be off a little bit even if you had all the instruments but you can imagine a perfect triangle, okay? It would always be off a little bit, even if you had all the instruments, but you can imagine a perfect triangle.

You can imagine it. And so the idea is that, another great example is, this blew my fucking mind. You have a mathematician. He's 175 years ago, comes out of a dark room and says, I just came up with a mathematical equation.

By the way, it's 300 pages long. It has zero relevance to the material world. And oh, by the way, I'm going to die now. See ya, dies. And here's this equation that's sitting there. 175 years later, some guy is measuring the difference between like the relationship between quarks and how it relates to this and how it relates to, and they're trying to make a gyroscope at NASA or something or some kind of a telescope. And they go, hey, guess what? This guy, this mathematician 175 years ago came up with this mathematical equation. What we're working on right now, that mathematical equation is very relevant to this physical reality. So this guy has a dream, comes up with a mathematical equation that 175 years later

bears physical reality that we're using in our cell phone or we're using in a telescope or whatever it is. It takes on a physical reality. So whatever this guy imagined 175 years ago in his mind for whatever reason was put there and is used 175 years later

for something very physical in the physical world it's weird man and he's like why was it why what happened why did that guy think of that he was able to imagine a reality that had no bearing on the world today and 175 years later it did that's that's where i get really kind of kind of, I'm doing a shitty job of explaining all this stuff. I know what you're saying. What you're basically saying is that someone had an insight into the way things work that no one else had achieved before. And he was so far ahead that no one could figure it out until 175 years later, somebody revisited it. But it was also more than an insight. insight it was actually a physical measurable reality that he proved on paper mathematically somebody's measuring the inside of a conch shell or and how it relates to a beehive spires or

whatever and all of a sudden goes this mathematical equation is exactly is is proving my theory this it's measuring what I'm using for this particular physical reality. You know what that is? It's a great example of why we need different kinds of people in this world. We need a goddamn broad spectrum. Damn right, dude.

I was watching this Joey Diaz video today. Ari Shaffir has this new thing on ComedyCentral.com. It's called This Is Not Happening. And it's all people just telling the most fucked up stories. It's like stand-up comics but telling insane stories of their life. And Joey Diaz told one about being on heroin, about doing heroin and doing drugs for years. And it was so fucking funny. And I was sitting there watching it and I was thinking, thank God there's guys like Joey Diaz out there.

Not just so i could laugh and be around him and have fun but so that i know what this stuff is like i don't want to do heroin okay i'm not gonna do it and it's not on the menu okay he's your he's your guinea pig but when you talk to a guy that's done heroin as much as joey has and done coke as much as joey and he has these great stories about it and the harrowing harrowing feelings of of of addiction that he can relay to you without you ever hack ever hack actually having to do them right so important yeah and it's also important to have mathematicians yeah because i'm not fucking you give me that big pile of paper you might as well have given that to a chimp of course it ain't going nowhere of course it's not i It's not. I don't have the time. I'm going to be beaten off. I'm going to take naps.

I'm going to want to work out. I'm going to look at my biceps in the mirror. Me too. I have to get up and eat all the time. I'm going to go play pool. I'm going to watch TV. I'm not going to do that. I'm pretty disciplined, but I'm only disciplined with shit I like to do. I'm disciplined with jujitsu. I'm disciplined with working out. I'm disciplined with shit I like to do. I'm disciplined with jujitsu. I'm disciplined with working out. I'm disciplined with doing comedy, with work. I like doing those things, though. So it's not really discipline. The real discipline is trying to do math. That's fucking discipline.

Well, especially math theory, where you're thinking up these crazy theorems that don't have any numbers. Not even numbers. It's like letters and weird equations. Not even numbers. It's like letters and weird equations. And you're following some thread that then the answer is, and the answer is 170 pages long. What? And somebody out there and a bunch of mathematicians go, brilliant.

Guess what? There was a Russian guy that found this impossible theory. He was 357 pages long. And they wanted to give him a million dollars. He's like, I don't want that money. Right, because he said, actually, you're giving me the money. I'm just the radio transmitter. I was just, all I did was channel it. It was always up there.

Give it to the theorem in the sky. I just happen to have been, I have a certain wiring that was able to channel the equation. What was funny about that, if I'm not mistaken, is they didn't actually even know if the question was valid. They didn't even know if the – there was a theory out there that that was actually a legitimate math theorem or question. Like they didn't even know if that was something you should even – you were able to think about. They didn't even know if it was a reality to think about. And he was like, yes, it is. Furthermore, here's the answer.

What? Well, there's what that is more proof that there's there's it's so important to have a broad spectrum of people it's very important i mean you and i are not going to build a good house if we don't have an architect if we don't have a carpenter we're gonna do a shit job we're gonna make a tent we're gonna make some shitty lean-to and we're just gonna have to deal deal with that until we dig up some books that some smart people figured out on how to make a house. But it goes back to what I was saying about the allegory of the cave. You may not be able to achieve perfection, but you can imagine perfection.

You may not be able to achieve that theorem, but that theorem can still inspire something else in you. And that in itself is where we are connected. That in itself is why other people have tremendous value if you open yourself up to those kind of people yeah i always say that you you it's very important for young people i always talk about this and we don't live in a world that fosters this we live in a world that's that's very much about you your appetites how does this affect me specifically it's very important i I think, to expose yourself to things that force you to reach beyond yourself. That's where somebody who does something that has nothing to do with you,

but learning about it, or at least being inspired by how difficult it might be, it could be opera, it could be some great piece of art that you don't understand. That's not a bad thing to get involved in, or at least read about, because not only does it force you kind of to go beyond your own experience, but I think you never know how it's going to inspire you. You don't know what it's going to spark inside of you. For me, I derive a great deal of inspiration from just being awed by that which I don't understand. Yeah, I love to go see shit I can't do. That's one of the reasons why I like to go see musicians. I love to go see live music

because I have zero talent. I have zero talent, zero desire, zero ability. I know some comedians that really wish they were rock stars. I've never had a fucking single second where I thought about being a singer or in a band or playing a musical instrument. When are you going to be in Florida next?

I don't know. Not planned. Okay, there's a group called The Flyers and this kid named Patrick Farinas. He plays a guitar. I'm just going to, I mean, if you're in Florida, if you ever find this guy, Patrick Farinas of The Flyers, he plays a guitar better than any, I've never seen anything like it. And by the way, I was with musicians. You can't say any more by the ways. You're done. What's that? You have no more

by the ways for the show. That was your last by the way. Remind me. I want to dime every time I do it. Did you really say? Do I keep saying that? That's your um. Is it? He plays the guitar so well that I was with other musicians and they

he jumped out for a guest spot. And these two guitars came up to me, and they were like, I've been playing the guitar my whole life, and I've devoted my life to it. What's his name? Patrick Farinas. He goes, I've never seen anything like it. Does he have anything online? I think he's online.

How is he not online? How is it possible he's not online? Yeah, he should be online. How old is he? 30. Well, how come we haven't heard of him? Because he, and I talked to him about it, he's now doing original music before he was doing a lot of cover stuff.

And now he's doing, and I said, you've got a responsibility, bro, which is you've got to start doing, you've got to start doing your own original expression. Because it's one thing to be technically brilliant and to be, and he improvises within it. I mean, he also improvises. I mean, dude, he does, he'll do an amalgam. He'll do like a composite set where you're just, you're just like, what in the world is he doing with a guitar? There's nothing wrong with like doing a little bit of cover band action, like a few cover

songs, but that's a real trap for young bands that want to perform in bars and make a living because people don't want to hear your fucking original songs for the most part, especially as like background music where they're trying to get laid right you know they want to hear sweet home alabama that's right all right sing it bitch we don't want to hear you know my time on the lake but you get to a point when you when you reach physical mastery like this guy has and and and he's gone beyond that he's very innovative with the guitar it's not like he's not copying clapped and he's doing his own thing there's's a big difference, though, between that and writing your own music. There's a giant difference.

It's like the ability to tell a joke that you stole from someone and the ability to write a joke like that yourself. That's right. We can all name a few people that can't do one of those things. We all know a few guys that are really successful that have made a career out of ripping off other people's ideas because of the fact they can't do both. Right.

This is the dude right here. Oh, there he is. Yeah, look at him. Watch. He's shredding. That's what they call shredding. He does the craziest things on guitar. That's one thing.

That's that Joe Satriani type shit, right? I like that he's fat too. He's lost weight now, but he's a monster, dude. He's a monster. He's playing guitar with his face right now, folks. Yeah. That's, this guitar playing you're hearing right now is with this dude's mouth. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, he's a nut. I've never seen anything like it. And he lives in Florida? Yep.

It's weird that that seems to be the only good thing that comes out of Florida, is occasionally they have some good musicians. Yep. Everything else sucks. I mean, I shouldn't, I have family members that live there, folks. I love people in Florida. Don't get me wrong. My actual parents live in Florida.

But let's be honest. Let's be honest. Honestly, let's be honest. Nancy Grace. Yeah. Nancy Grace would starve to death if it wasn't for Florida. Right? Bitch would have nothing to talk about.

That's a good joke. Barely. But, you know, it's like they came up, like Skin it wasn't for Florida. Right? Bitch would have nothing to talk about. That's a good joke. Barely. But, you know, it's like they came up, like, Skinner came out of Florida. There's been some good bands out of Florida. But, like, name a good comedian that came out of Florida. Yeah. I'm waiting. I know.

I don't know. I guess Tom Rhodes. Did Tom Rhodes come out of Florida? I don't know. I'm sure they're out there. I think, yeah, Tom Rhodes is from Orlando. I just appreciate comedy or a musical instrument or anything that takes a really long time to get good at. Yeah, I had a buddy that...

I got to dance around this without giving out any names. I have a buddy that... During the 80s especially, stand-up comedy was pretty fucking wild. There was zero accountability. there was no emailing there was no i mean and people got coked up and they did some wild shit and you you basically it was just a story you didn't have to worry about someone like facebook picturing you tied up with a fucking 100 dicks stuffed into your mouth the good old days but um there was a woman that was like working at a comedy club uh like a manager of a comedy club my friend went down there to perform and fell in love you know and then started living down there in florida

but then it turns out as you know he was there for a little while he started uh people were like he uh can i talk to you for a second pulled him aside and they're like just you know i would want to know this what i'm gonna tell you so i'm gonna tell you and just dudes would come into town just run trains on her and she was she was famous for like guys tying her up and like all their friends just just fucking her face and taking pictures of it. There it is. It was just complete, total chaos. I mean, she was a total wild woman. And then this poor fuck came into town,

and she winked at him and gave him a hug, and he was in love. And so he moved there and crushed him. Crushed him. Devastated his life because he married this woman. No. Yes, he married this woman. No. Yes, he did. Yes. And then along the way, it started, like, unfalling.

Like, guys would come into town and, you know, they had been running trains on her for the last 10 years, you know, when she was managing this club. I'm so turned on right now, but keep going. Are we partying? She's like, oh, I'm married now. And they're like, what the fuck? You're married? Like, everybody was like, there's no way.

That's not possible. How is that possible? And so eventually she went back to her wild ways. Because he divorced her? No, well, no. In the middle, yeah. Like almost right away, she went right back to it. While she was married?

Yes. That's good. So this poor guy, I can't say any names. This poor guy who was a friend. I really liked the guy. And we came up together. We were in Boston. We were open micers together.

And he had some real potential. But it's amazing how a devastating breakup can affect people in such an incredible way that they emotionally never recover from it. And it's one of the reasons why, in my opinion, it's so important to get children involved in competitive athletics and competitive things so they learn how to lose things. That's right. They learn how to lose games.

You learn how to lose relationships. You learn how to lose things. Losing things is important. Expectations that don't come true. All that stuff. Well, it's also important to know that you can bounce back. When you've bounced back before, you understand about bouncing back.

But when you've only experienced fear and then insecurity and then the devastating feeling of loss compounds that. You never want that again. You'll orchestrate your life so you'll never fail again. And you'll never take a chance again.

And you'll never take a chance again. Yeah. And you also have to have friends. Those are important aspects. Like a loner who gets dumped, those are the guys that put guns in their mouths. But you also need a mentor. You need somebody who's been through it before. That's where a coach comes in to help you navigate.

Not a coach, a buddy, a group of friends, a whole bunch of friends. Sure, but there's also when you are trying to get really good at something, a lot of times you have somebody who's older who can help you navigate through the plateaus, help you get familiar with it. That's why just put your attention on something. I don't give a shit what it has taken action because there's always a lesson there. It's almost like the thing in and of itself is less important than what you learn by trying to get good at it in a way. Well, it's also because these things like breakups and these devastating events that can happen to a person,

they don't get treated with the proper respect by the people that are raising you. They get treated like, oh, someone broke your heart. You're going gonna be fine like it's not that simple okay you're you what you're dealing with is an incredible shift in the emotional state and if this person does not know how to navigate that shift they don't know how to get out of that situation it can be a motherfucker getting your ass kicked can do that to you you know um how being humiliated can do that to you you remember carrie at the at the prom they pour the blood on her head and she just fucking goes crazy and people start flying through the walls and shit

but that's real that feeling that you can get when people are angry at you or hate you, that horrific feeling when you bomb. How about that? Some guys bomb, and they literally want to go to the hotel room and slice their wrists. I've seen three comics with great potential do really well their first time, do really well their second time. And obviously, like stand-up, they get up and try to do the same thing with another crowd, and they die because it wasn't their friends. They never do stand-up again. And like and they have potential and they have great potential but they never do

it again you know this friend of mine it was an early lesson about what can happen i had some good early lessons i had a real nice girlfriend in high school she was a very very nice person like she was she was not mean at all but you know when you're 14 years old relationships don't really last and you know from her went on to other ones and uh one of the other ones um i dated this girl that was just you could you could roll a dick by her like a kitten like you could roll a ball of yarn by a kitten they just jump on it that's what this girl was like this is a girlfriend your girlfriend yeah yeah she's pretty too that's a really funny metaphor and she couldn't help herself i mean i i just i've seen people that

can help themselves and i've seen people that can't this girl could not help herself she was first of all it was catholic she was raised in catholic school and they you know they suppress the shit out of her right they make you wear this one fucking know, they suppress the shit out of her. Right. They make you wear this one fucking outfit and they suppress the shit out of you and psychologically, like, all you had to do

was get this girl alone. Like, any guy could get this girl alone and that was a wrap. It was over. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. She was crazy. Wow. And I didn't really even find out how crazy she was until after we stopped dating and then she would

tell me stories. Like, we worked together and she'd tell me stories about this new guy she was dating and how she liked him to smack her

and he would beat her up and she liked it. She's like, guy she was dating and how she liked him to smack her. And he would beat her up, and she liked it. She's like, I don't know what to do because I like it. She was so crazy. I mean, so it completely lowered my expectations of loss. Like, I came home one day, and I didn't actually come home. I was getting up in the morning because I had a paper route. Because I delivered newspapers for a job for a long time, many, many, many, many, many years, all throughout high school.

As soon as I could drive, that was one of my first jobs. And while I was fighting, it was one of my jobs because I could make a couple hundred bucks a week. All I had to do was get up in the morning by 5 a.m., deliver my newspaper route, and then I'd come back home and go right back to sleep again. So I did that for a long-ass time. And I would have to get up really early on Sunday morning. Essentially, it would be Saturday night. So Saturday night at 4 o'clock in the morning, that's when I would be up. And outside my house is my friend and this girl, and he's fingering her in the front seat. Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, God. She was crazy was crazy god the girl was crazy oh that's so i i slammed my hand on the hood and i go ah and they're like you know like i was laughing at them then i got my car i drove away i didn't say a word and i didn't talk to her for like a week you know but i mean you know were already, it was, she was not my girlfriend at the time. It was a girl, at that time she was a girl I was dating. I should be really clear. Like, I don't think there was ever a time where we were like officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We were just dating the whole time because she was crazy.

You know what helped me a lot? And I was crazy too. What helped me a lot navigate loss and things was actually movies. Good movies. What? Yeah, like. Like Say Again? No, like Rocky and stuff. When I was wrestling. loss and things was actually movies uh good good movies yeah like uh like say again like no like rocky like rocky and stuff when i was wrestling i remember like you think about these say anything

was it you think that's a great movie by the way no it's not you think of these how dare you i loved it but you think of these seminal moments in your life and i remember i was signed up for i was a i went to boarding school because my family was still in saudi arabia and i'm like alone there. I signed up for jogging because I was too afraid to sign up for wrestling because I had done judo before that. I was like, oh, these guys are too tough. I signed up for jogging.

This kid, Gary Lane, had seen me put some kid in a headlock. He goes, hey, and he drags me over to the wrestling mat. I just signed up. The next thing I know, I was wrestling. I wonder what I'd be if I hadn't been a wrestler. It would change my whole life. and next thing I know I was wrestling and I wonder what I'd be if I hadn't you know been a wrestler changed my whole life but the idea of like when I would when I would lose at something I remember like I would think back to my heroes and movies like Rocky or whatever and just and it just the

example of you if you lose keep trying and you'll win in the end it was always that feeling I think that in that sense that's where art or movies can play a big role in your life, man. Yeah, but it could also give you some bullshit idea that that white guy could really beat up that black guy. Come on. Don't ruin Rocky for me, bro. Rocky was real. A 5'8", 160-pound man that's really the heavyweight champion of the world. By the way, that's exactly right. He was 155 pounds when he did Rocky IV.

Was he really that light? Yeah. How do you know that? That's what I read. Long time ago. From who, though? People lie about shit. No, he's not a big-framed guy, right?

Now he is. He looks big now. Yeah. But his body was. If you look at it. If you do 10 IUs of growth. Bring up Rocky IV when he fought Drago. Take a look at his frame.

You can see his legs are thin. Well, what you really should put up is him at 66 years old. There's a picture I put on my Twitter the other day. Did you see what Geraldo did? No. Geraldo Rivera put a picture of himself naked, essentially, with his towel barely over his cock and it said like 70 is the new 50 is her all the seven years old yes he's seven years

old and he looks really good let me see a picture please yeah it's all over the internet and he put what's really funny is he took it down he put the picture up and then he decided it was like you know i don't know it's too too embarrassing he fucked up you know look at that look at that picture he's awesome he looks great look at that picture man he's still got that awesome mustache oh the mustache is a motherfucker look at that dude and he boxed he was i think it was kind of a good box. If that guy pulled his cock out and it was holding his knuckles up and going outside like karate chop hand forward towards you with his fat cock, he would be nervous. If you broke into that guy's house and his cock was oiled up and he was knuckles up just pulling it in your direction, you would drop your gum and jump out of a fucking window. Well, thanks for an image I've never had in my head until now.

You got that image. Look at how low he a fucking window. Well, thanks for an image I've never had in my head until now. You got that image. Look at how low he keeps the towel. Like, you insane bastard. He's great. He looks great, though. Damn right, that tight skin. First of all, he looks like he's about 8% body fat. I mean, seriously.

Look at all the striations in his chest. Yeah. The guy obviously works hard. He's in incredible shape. No doubt, man. But I don't know why he didn't keep it up there. Fuck all those people man let them get crazy and you're at 70 you're allowed to do that at 70 that's fantastic you're not you're

not if you're a man if you're a woman you're allowed to do that at any age a woman can do that at any age you know why because we want to see it right because but a man no woman wants to see that and no man wants to see that. So it's a dark corner. It's like women are not – I guess it's probably like a few 60-year-olds that are like, I still can get wet. No, I heard somebody say one time, the difference between men and women, somebody was describing it and said, women look really good static and men look really good when they're doing what they're good at. Like so when there's movement, playing a guitar, kicking a soccer ball or whatever. Maybe.

I don't think it's really a visual thing as much with women certainly an aspect of it which is why you know really handsome men do well I mean there's

the facial features and everything the Fibonacci sequence yeah the symmetry of the face that's super important to people but for women

there's all these other variables too like personality sense of humor the ability to take care of yourself. Look at Stallone at 66. Stop it.

Just shut the fuck up, man. Are you kidding me? That's insane. The inside is black and sponge-like. His entire inside of his body, it's like it's waiting to make its way to the surface of his skin. You know what? I want what he's on, and I don't care what anybody says. And when you look that good at 66,

I'm very impressed. That's my canary Nicole on. Yeah, no kidding. And here's the other thought about that. People are like, yeah, well, what are the negative side effects? You're 66. Okay? That's the negative side effect. The negative side effect is being 66. No matter what negative side effects

the drugs have, they ain't shit on death. Okay? Because death is the ultimate negative side effects the drugs have, they ain't shit on death. Okay? Because death is the ultimate negative side effect of life itself. And it comes a certain point in time where death becomes inevitable. Whether it's at 66 or whether it's at 86, you cannot have a physique like that unless you incorporate science into your diet. Oh, yeah. Okay? I'm not getting that from just lifting weights and eating meat.

It doesn't exist at 66. It exists at 30. There's 30-year-old guys that are built like that, that have never touched hormones, never done anything. There's guys that are in their 40s that look fantastic, that have never fucked with anything unhealthy in their life, never done a steroid, never supplemented their testosterone, never done anything but eat good and work hard. But at 50 and then 66, no, they don't exist. They don't exist. You can't look like that. Do you know what's on the horizon for hormones?

Oh, fuck yes, I do. Not only do I know what's on the horizon for hormones, hormones are just one aspect of the human body. The most fascinating conversation that I had recently for the show was I got a chance to talk to Ray Kurzweil. Oh, my God. Yeah. Did you really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've interviewed him for over an hour. He's great. First of all, he's a sweetie. He's a really nice guy, like a kind, easy to communicate with. Sure. Intelligent. There he is.

There's us together. Oh, my God. Great guy. But what he was talking about was these new innovations in modern science and medical science that are going to allow people to literally have superhuman abilities out of the gate. Nanobots and stuff. Yeah, you're going to have a real problem with shit like the Olympics when a person like you can take a shot and then all of a sudden you have these artificial blood cells that are a million

times more effective. He said you're literally going to be able to hold your breath and jump in. No, no, no. Four hours. Jump in the bottom of the pool and hold your breath for four hours on a single breath. Four fucking hours, man. That's in the singularity's near.

Yeah. But when the guy says it to you, to your face, and you know he's a lot fucking smarter than you, it's like one of those, like, what are we up for? What's coming? It's about how they reverse-engineered the red blood cell of a dog, and they're doing that with a human red blood cell. And now they're going to take a nanobot and they're going to copy it but make it more efficient at what that red red blood cell does and then they'll shoot it

into you it'll be a red blood cell nanobot and that'll that'll oxygenate your blood and it's going to literally move on from there until we're like wolverine until we have adamantium skeletons like that's not that's not outside the realm of possibility crazy we're meshing with machines they're not they're probably not going to do it the way it's in that movie. But if you think about Wolverine the comic book, the whole idea was that he had these metal bones, this incredible metal structure, and then on top of that,

he had skin and a body that would heal itself instantly. If you cut him, it would just seal up. And you look at it like oh that'd be cool that's coming that's a hundred percent it's on the horizon if we keep innovating that is going to happen if you can hold your breath at the bottom of the ocean for four fucking hours on a single breath you're going to be they're going to be able to figure out a way to make your skin heal not in a week not in a year not, not in six months, but in six seconds. You'll grow skin.

They're going to be able to do it. When are we going to be able to gene dope? What is this? The myostatin? It's coming, too. It's coming. It's coming. Myostatin inhibitors.

That's what they accidentally have when they inbreed those dogs, those whippets. And those cows. And those cows. Yeah. But they've also started doing it intentionally to mice. They've created the mice to live longer. They live longer. And they don't lose muscle.

They have giant muscles. They look like Hulk mice. See if you can pull up a picture of the Hulk mice. Hulk mice myostatin inhibitors. So when do I get that? Because I want to get into the UFC. No, your comedy would be fucking horrible. You always want to be vulnerable up there.

It's so true. You would have to rewrite your whole act. I know. I talk about how I'm built for dance and not for war. That fucking bit that you did, I really enjoyed seeing you. Brian and I, we work together sometimes. We're going to be working together in Toronto September 19th. But we worked together recently just just by freak

accident I was in town filming my TV show while he was working at the improv in DC so I came by and got a chance to watch her set oh my god it was so fun the fucking the shit about running through wheat and we were me and Todd where we were crying laughing was it there's nothing one of my most satisfying experiences as far back as i can remember is listening to you cackle at my jokes when i was doing stand-up watching one of my best friends in the world there's nothing more satisfying i swear to god i'm not just saying this like i was thinking about that to be able to make somebody like you

not only a great comic but such a close friend i was killing you and i could see you cackling and just loving the stuff that i wrote you know it's like i did this in my one of my best like my brothers out there laughing his ass off that's a beautiful feeling man i've never i haven't had a feeling like that in a long time i was incredible i love that as well that's one of the things i love most about working with guys like Joey Diaz and Ari and Red Band and Duncan is that we love each other. So if I see... You have the greatest laugh too. You're just fucking howling

back there. Diaz is even better. When Diaz is laughing, when I hear him I hear him... I had a new bit last week in Vegas. We were working together. We did the joint in Vegas, and I could hear Joey out of 2,000 people. That's so great.

2,000 people. That's so great. I could hear Diaz when I was doing this new bit. Yeah, man. What we were talking about before about needing support, about people when they get through things. They need support. It's also why you need to learn how to lose things. You also need to be around other folks

that are fun and warm and friendly. That's big. People that you respect and you look at them and they make you want to get your shit together. They make you want to get things done. If you can accumulate as many of those people as you can in your life, the more you can do that and the more you can be one of those people and the more you can accumulate those people,

the more happy and the more enjoyable this thing is going to be for you. Yeah. David Blaine is doing a new special pretty soon. What is he going to do? Stand still for a year? Yeah. No, he's doing magic. Stand still for one year.

Wait till you see it. I helped him edit his teaser. Ta-da- yeah no he's doing stand still for one year wait till you see i helped him edit his this this uh his his uh he's still standing still wait till you see what he's doing now six months in can you keep it up ladies and gentlemen he's standing still for one year no no he's doing magic for the likes of bill gates and stephen hawkins oh i i'll tell you what you could do a card trick in front of stephen haw. It's pretty fucking easy. You can't move his eyes. Yeah, you know what he said, though? All I know is the dude, when that special comes out. Nothing up my sleeve. He can't see your fucking sleeves. He sees like a slit, like Iron Man's eyeballs.

That's what he sees forward. Wait till you see. He came to my house. He did my podcast, okay? Stephen Hawking? No, David Blaine. And he comes to my house, and I have a couple of my friends there. Brandon Schaub, Dove David, a couple of others.

They're like, whatever, it's David Blaine. He starts doing magic for them. Okay, that's a douche move. That's like you coming to someone's house and start doing your act. No, no, no. You climb up on the coffee table, pick over the magazine. No, no, I asked him to. That's even worse.

How about someone coming to your house and you ask them to do jokes? That's even worse. Listen, he did. Listen, until you see him do, until you see him, and hold that thought. Okay. Next time he's in LA, we'll hang out. And I just want you to, just so you know. Just this conversation is exhausting me.

Your mind will be blown. You're going to go, he's magic. He's really magic. That's what you're going to say. Just you suggesting that that could ever happen is exhausting me. And I am, and I'm standing by it. And when you're going to do a podcast and go, Brian was right. Brian is right.

So exhausting. He's a freak. He's magic. He does magic. Does he do magic? Oh, but the point I was making is that he said,

I was just announced lost, but he was saying, the most important thing is just surrounding yourself with people that support you. I mean, everybody I know is successful always says that,

to one extent. You got to have people around you that help you go through this shit. Yeah. I don't care how successful you are. You always go to periods where you're lonely, where it sucks,

where you don't think you're self-doubt. You got to have your fucking friends. How many times have I called you? When you and I have real talks where, you know, you got to have...

The NSA has all those on file now. I know. How about that? How about that? Hey, Snowden, stay where you are. Did you see that crazy video, that MSNBC video,

where this woman who is an anchor, she's an anchor person, starts, like, mocking Snowden and telling him to turn himself in? No. It's this, it's, psychologically, it's one of the weirdest things you could ever watch. It's like, you try to look at it and and go i am not sure what the motivation is i've never met a single person that doesn't think that what he exposed is important for people to know not one person people have disagreed with why he did it or how he did it or or what was done like to compromise american security if anything but no one no one thinks that that wasn't important for people to find out about so it's a very subtle and nuanced case, and it's very complicated, and it's also very significant historically.

Because we know that things are out of control now. This is not a doubt in the world. When they're looking at every goddamn thing that you're doing, everything that everybody's doing. Everywhere you walk, you're photographed. I was in London recently. But not just that. You're photographed 255 times a day. The fact that everyone's emails are being looked at.

Everyone. And that this Snowden guy who was just working there could intercept anyone's email. That means other people that are working for the CIA or the NSA, rather, could just intercept your emails. So you could tell people that you're going to go eat some shit. And they go, oh, Brian Cowan's eating shit. They know what you're doing. A regular person. Not a cyborg.

Not a monk. Not a person without emotion. Not a person without weirdness or jealousy or hatred or... Any one person can just decide to look at your shit that works there. It's called tyranny. It's called tyranny.

It isn't. It's insane. And nobody's making enough of a fuss about it, in my opinion. That's not the American way. So look at this woman's reaction. I'm going to play this shit because this is going to freak you out. China, really important relationships. And we're talking about how you praise countries like Russia and Venezuela for standing against human rights violations and refusing to compromise their principles. Seriously, Ed, where do you even come up with that? What are you thinking? Now, I understand you don't want to come back. I mean to do

so would mean giving up your freedom. Definitely before trial and likely for several months or years thereafter. I get it! It's in prisons in the US that commit actual human rights violations. We just talked about it. More than 80,000 prisoners are held in solitary confinement, some for years, some indefinitely, despite the fact that solitary is cruel and psychological damaging. I know those aren't the human rights violations, though, Ed, that you were complaining about. But you might have nothing to worry about anyway. Because unlike most of the people in solitary confinement, including private Bradley Manning on trial for giving

data to Wiki links. You have cultivated for yourself a level of celebrity, and that celebrity itself may just act as the protection, another kind of cloak. If you ever find yourself in a U.S. prison, you have made quite a spectacle of yourself, and the Obama administration will be very careful about how it treats you. Unlike how states treat all those other prisoners. So come on home, Ed. Then, you know, we could talk about something else.

Sincerely, Melissa. That's a strange video. First of all, it's strange that it got greenlit. That some producer said, I like it. Let's do it. Let it rip. We love your copy. You're really good at reading.

That's like, she's one of the worst persons at reading something on television that I've ever seen. Right. So, first of all,

you can see that she's got some sort of a speech impediment that she's struggled with since she was young, which probably led her to have this, like, very strong desire

for acceptance, which probably led her to think that it would be a good thing to support the government against Snowden in that video. I mean, I guess that's what she was saying. I mean, it was really hard to figure out what she was saying because although she was admitting that the government puts people in solitary confinement,

she was also saying, like, where do you get this stuff? Like, talking about that Venezuela and Russia stands up for human rights violations. One of the good things about podcasting, my learning lesson has been, is how careful you have to be about saying things you think you know the answer to. Isn't that amazing that you do that much and you still are careful? But it's part of talking shit. Part of the fun, entertaining shit talking is occasionally you get your facts a little bit fucked up.

All right? We're not scientists here, folks. Hey, I'm trying my best over here. But what that woman was doing was really ill-advised. It was arrogant. It was ill-advised. It's arrogant. It's arrogant.

It's a very complicated issue. And the way she's approaching it, so we can talk about other things. Sincerely, Melissa. Hey, Melissa, this thing that you don't want to talk about might be one of the most significant events in human history. You know why? Because we realize that there's no such thing as privacy. I don't know if that's sunk in with everybody yet, but it really is very close.

I mean, right now it's in the government's hands, and that will eventually trick down to the people's hands. I think it's a huge problem. I think the fact that I'm always being watched by a video camera somewhere is a huge problem. Video cameras are one thing. But monitoring my emails, you guys don't tell me that you're doing that? You don't need a warrant for that kind of stuff? You don't need anything.

It's insane. That's not right. It doesn't make any sense. And by the way, everybody, sorry to say by the way again, but remember that every dictatorship, every single oppressive government in history has always used national security as an excuse to take your freedoms away. That's always the excuse, isn't it? Yeah. Look at history. No, it is.

It's always the excuse. Well, it's a dangerous world and we're here to protect you. Nah, no thanks. Don't trust you. What's a classic thing to do to actually pump up an enemy to get them to become a threat so that you can go and attack them? That's right. It's a reason to keep the war machine going. That's right.

Yeah. And you know what, man? That's what happens when you get people that make money off a war. And that's why there's supposed to be a bunch of laws in place to keep that from happening. And that's why there's supposed to be a bunch of laws in place to keep that from happening You know That's why Eisenhower got on television and warned about the dangers of the military-industrial complex when he was leaving office all of that exists Because it's it's just like what corporations do to other countries You know, if you're a good person you wouldn't go to Venezuela and steal their oil and pollute their rivers

You wouldn't do it Okay You wouldn't do it because you would see the people cry and see people starve to death and see the fish die, and you would go, wow, what I'm doing is fucked up. But if you're some evil chemical company, and the way to make money is to do that, and you have stockholders,

and you have all these people that are putting pressure on you. Yeah, that doesn't answer the equation as much. One of those leather chairs that has those riv rivets those brass rivets like dug deep into it like in a million different places those puffy leather chairs where they always have like uh some brandy on a shelf you know with some glasses and a tub of ice that they clink clink as they're pouring a drink talk listen we have a bottom line and i'm not going going to Ecuador. Are you going to Ecuador? So fuck the river. Fuck that river.

Let's get that money. And they just somehow or another, even if it's not the decision made in that sort of a fashion, an X amount of people, whether it's 4,000 or 400, how many people are in that corporation, decide to act as an evil unit and decide to do some fucked up shit to make that money. Or ignore an inconvenient truth. Sure. And then if they can do that, they can also, those same sort of, those same principles of action apply. That's how war happens in the first place. You can get a giant army of people to behave like psychos as long as the people around

them are also behaving like psychos. That becomes your new reality people go to war that that's if you look at how people are motivated to go to war a lot of times they are motivated around symbols around slogans around different kinds of propaganda that's always been the case that's been the case since the you know the Trojan War yeah and that that's a it's it's a characteristics of human beings that have to – if you're looking at human beings as a set of ingredients, what is this thing? Like, okay, say if you have a car. You have a Mercedes-Benz. It's a 1996.

How many horsepower does it have? What's it capable of doing? How quickly can it stop from zero to 60? What are the possibilities of this unit? Well, human beings are just like a car in that sense. Like we have a lot of possibilities as far as documented behavior that's completely outside the norm.

It's a giant spectrum from killing babies to helping old people across the street and planting flowers everywhere. We're a bipolar ape. There's just so much going on inside the possibility drawer. If you open up the possibility drawer of human beings, you better sit down because this motherfucker is capable of a lot of shit. Incredible cruelty, incredible kindness, everything in between.

Yeah, so when you lump them all together without personal accountability, you're going to open up the potential for all this craziness, all the worst aspects of human beings when they don't have a direct action-reaction input from the people that they're affecting. That's exactly right. When there's no accountability, when you can hide behind a huge institution. And it's almost not even about hiding behind it. It's almost not even about not having any accountability. It's a matter of not feeling it. Whatever you're doing, you're not feeling. This is one of the reasons why people can go fuck you to someone in their car.

You can drive and go fuck you. But if it was on the street and that guy was that close to you, you wouldn't say fuck you to him. You wouldn't stick your finger at him. You would have to be crazy. Yeah, because you've got to respond to that person in front of you. You're interacting there's that malcolm gladwell did that amazing study about um how murder rate the murder rate went up when they built they had the ghettos uh and and after they built those huge huge projects all of a sudden you didn't live live next to the guy you lived in the guy lived

in a unit above you and there was anonymity created so you could steal shoot somebody for their shoes because you didn't know them you didn't know somebody who was connected to them. You didn't know the fabric that they came from. It used to be like in the Bronx. When all those communities came up, they came up around a barter system, around an economic system that kind of happened organically. When they put the Cross Bronx Expressway in there and they tore everything down and they said, you know what we're going to do? We're going to plan the Bronx on a board. And they planned it on a board and they had these big, they created these big projects. Let's just put them all in these big buildings. All of a sudden the murder rate went up. And one of the,

one of the theories is the fact that you suddenly now, because even if you were in a ghetto, you knew that kid's grandmother, you knew that kid's brother. Everybody was connected. You all knew each other. The minute you put people in those buildings, now they're living in boxes. And he's living on the fifth floor. You're living on the first floor or whatever. And you don't have an interaction. The economic fabric of that community was destroyed.

So it became much easier to shoot somebody you didn't know. And they're in your close proximity. You don't have a relationship with them and they're right on top of you, which is very unnatural for humans. And this is where I always say that, you know, if you think you can walk around and being ignorant in today's world, you're wrong about that. Political commitment is important and knowing why you believe something. And this is a classic example, in my opinion, of a threat that is very insidious. It's not obvious right now. It may not be obvious, but that's why the Snowden case is very important. It's important to at least, you don't have to have an opinion, just familiarize yourself.

Familiarize yourself with how these things happen. History repeats itself. Know that your freedom can be taken away from you in 2013 it can and it is being taken away in this country and well you know and there was a playlist no one's doing anything my freedom just relax stop getting crazy right um instead of looking at it in any way that connects you uh to it personally whether you're defending it or whether you're you know you're you're you're defending it or whether you're violently opposed to it. Look at it as a trend, as a human trend, and then it becomes fascinating because if you take yourself outside of it and you go, instead of going, we have to stop this corrupt government,

just step back and look at what's happening. What is this? What is this? What is this? This is a strange little thing happening here. This is a convergence. Well, why are the cameras everywhere? This is a human convergence. I know cameras solve crimes. I know cameras do a lot of good.

But we have to ask ourselves a question. You keep bringing up the cameras. Well, but they're everywhere. And by the way, I feel safer sometimes because they're there. And I'm sure it has a positive effect. But to what degree are we talking about? What is the tradeoff? And who is saying enough is enough?

Where is the check and balance? That's what I want to know. It doesn't exist. Okay, well, that's a problem. Not only does it not exist, it can exist if you follow the pattern of human behavior. It's like when rich people got cell phones. Do you remember that? It was a long-ass time ago, 1980s and 90s.

Like only rich people had phones, and you would occasionally see a phone. And it was like a cool thing. I remember this comic looked into, you know Jackie Flynn? Yeah. Funny guy. I love Jackie. Jackie, he's always had like a couple bucks. His family's a successful business, and he was always a part of that.

And he had a real nice car. He had a couple bucks. His family's a successful business, and he was always a part of that. And he had a real nice car. He had a Toyota Supra. And another comic looked in the window, and he said, oh, I love the way that phone looks, because he had a phone in his car. It was like 1989 or something like that. Nobody had a phone in their car. Way to go, Jackie. Played the mean game of golf, too, I heard.

Yeah, yeah. He's got this phone in his car, and it was like, whoa. Only rich people can have phones in their cars. Not everybody has a fucking phone in their pocket that they carry around with them everywhere. Eventually, it got so far. I was in Brazil, and I saw these people in this very poor neighborhood, and they all had phones.

They were on their phones. They were talking on phones. It's like it's become so worldwide and world spread. And right now, information is freely accessible only to the people in the highest points of government. Right now, it's only the people in the NSA, the people that have made these shady inside deals with Internet providers and have gotten access to phone calls and records and text messages and shit. It's only them. But that's just a trend.

It's going to start with them. And then the technology is slowly but surely going to be available to everybody. That might be a good thing, right? It might be a good thing, but it's going to be a different thing. And here's the problem. Money. Because money right now is just ones and zeros. Money right now is just confidence.

It's just information. It doesn't exist anymore. There's no, like, I mean, you can have a million dollars. Exactly. It's not like gold. It's not like you have a stack of gold. You have a million dollars. Exactly. It's not like gold. It's not like you have a stack of gold. You have a million dollars. So if you go to that bank, those million notes, you can turn them in.

They'll give you a million X amount of pounds of gold that equals a million dollars. It doesn't exist anymore. So if it doesn't exist, what is it made out of? Well, it's made out of ones and zeros. That's all it is. It's made out of confidence and ones and zeros. And the rest of it is just woven into this complicated system that's called our financial structure. But if you looked at that objectively, you go, well, we have a very complicated system. There's no need to worry.

You stop and you go, what are you talking about? You have a bunch of computers and ones and zeros. You don't have a real money. You don't have a real substance. So my point is that I have a theory that as information becomes more and more freely distributed, it's going to happen. It's going to get to a point where there's no boundaries. There's no boundaries between thoughts. Everyone's going to be able to read each other's minds.

You're all going to be able to communicate through Wi-Fi. And you're all going to know everything that everybody else knows. You're not just going to know what you tell me. I'm going to know what's going on in your mind. I'm going to know what you can remember. Like a central neural net. Yeah. And we're going to be able to create artificial recording of memories that's far more accurate than the shitty memories we carry around in our brain.

And when that happens, you're going to have access to mine and I'm going to have access to yours. And it's going to be a requirement eventually that everybody has some sort of a neural recorder because people are going to want to know what you're doing. They're going to want to have full access to your thoughts and ideas. We're going to be able to solve all the crimes instantly. That's going to be the answer to it. They're going to say there's going to be 100% accountability. No one will ever get away with a crime again because we're all going to know exactly what everybody does when they do it. So we're all going to sign up for it. What's that say about privacy? There's going to be none. But my point is money's going to go that way too. There's going to be no

money anymore. It's going to reach a point where it's just resources go that way too there's gonna be no money anymore it's gonna it's gonna reach a point where it's just resources and it's just there has to be some sort of a fair system as far as the distribution of resources but the idea that you're gonna keep them in a bank and get them out with a card good fucking luck there's ones and zeros man it doesn't mean it's not gonna mean anything when everyone can get access to it they have a they've already figured out a way um they're on the preliminary stages where they can, they can map,

they can, I guess you, you, they show you an image and then they look at your brain activity when you see that image. And then when you, they show you the image again, they,

the brain activity in the, it shows up on the same kind of pattern. So you recognize something and they can tell. So what the idea is, is that if you robbed a bank or you were in you were a criminal and you were in a certain place and they give you a and and they they show you that place and they scan your brain when they tell when they tell you about the place and your brain registers a certain thing they can show you a picture of it if your brain brain registers that image, the same kind of brain activity, they can tell whether you've actually seen it before. It was this weird kind of idea, you know? So we're getting closer and closer. But when you say

zeros and ones, you're talking about money no longer being real. This guy named James Rickards, who wrote a book called Currency Wars, did my podcast. The Pentagon hired him to stage a currency war, so simulate what something someone like China could do to our currency system. And because it's all computerized and it's all sort of ones and zeros, he basically was hired by the Pentagon to come up with a scenario whereby the Chinese could set up, say, 10 fake hedge fund companies that end up, you know, doing something to buying all this stock or buying just up a bunch of stuff and getting the market to crash.

It'd be a very difficult thing to do, but that was his job. It was pretty fascinating with the idea where there is no real money, you can really manipulate through computers sort of an entire segment of the economy and wreak havoc, theoretically. And that's something the Pentagon hires people to try to do and simulate. But it was really an interesting kind of concept. Well, if your money is based on a computer, it's based on calculations, you can protect it. You can put up firewalls and you can do it. But essentially, it's just as vulnerable as a computer is.

And that's what, you know, one of the things about the financial system that I found to be terrifying, when I found out that stocks can be traded by bots and they can recognize trends and trade like second to second, like do these split second analysis of trends and constantly keep earning money that way by exploiting the system and understanding which way things are moving and buying and selling so you're just chipping away at the block every couple seconds making a little bit here and a little bit there but taking essentially very little risks and by doing that they can figure out a way to just extract money through a bot and that this is legal and that this is this is how people use the stock you take the

spread you mean or they figure out which way things are going right and the by the way the bots by the way by the way the bots can do calculations and input trades faster than a person can. And they're connected to whatever the fuck our financial system is. I mean, when I see the Dow and I see those fucking numbers scrolling through the bottom, to me that looks like a Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Me too, bro. The inside of the spaceship. Like if they had the inside of the spaceship and they showed the alien language.

It's Greek to me, bro. It's Greek to me. But it's Greek to everyone. Even if they understand it bro it's greek to me it's but it's greek to everyone even if they understand it it's still insanity it's it's i shouldn't say greek but yeah in a way look greece is fucking bankrupt right now you know what how crazy is it that at one point in time the greatest culture on the planet earth the most knowledgeable and the full filled with scholars creating beautiful works of architecture and stuff that people still read today still inspired by today you know some of the great greek masters and then today what is what's going on over there now nothing the fucking whole thing's falling

apart it's detroit it's detroit the country there's no money there it's a fucking wreck the whole thing's going bankrupt there's 80 unemployment rate or something crazy like that. It's just bananas. The whole thing's a fucking disaster. Yeah, that's right. Like these civilizations can hit these insane heights and then come crumbling down. But Greece is a good example of what we're talking about. You talk about trends.

There's also something called a tipping point. Shit happens. Things start happening. If you don't pay attention, things will cascade in a moment. So nobody in Greece thought that their system was going to collapse until it was too late. Right. And I say that's the same thing that can happen with your freedoms. I think that's the same thing.

If you're not careful, if you don't know, if you're not paying attention to who the real enemy is or at least you don't make enough noise or you're not paying attention to what's going on, that's the kind of stuff that can happen. Well, it's also individuals, again, looking out for themselves, trying to extract money. It's individuals exploiting a system, a shitty

system, individuals exploiting it. I mean, the whole housing market in this country, for the people that don't understand it, which is, by the way, everybody, by the way, by the way, nobody understands it. That's how it happened. You know, you can sort of be armchair quarterback and, you know, you can sit back Monday morning and sort of second guess the decisions that were made. But the reality is it's sort of exposed that the whole thing is horse shit. And the reason why it was horse shit was because the way it was set up, even though it didn't last,

was a bunch of people were able to extract insane amounts of money that made no sense. Even though it didn't make any sense. This is fascinating. Did you sell the house? You sold the house, right? Yeah. Did you make a shitload of money on it that makes no sense?

Yeah. I sold the house in the um early 2000s and i made i doubled the price of my house in like a couple of years it does that's ridiculous that's there's no way that should have happened i didn't do anything to that house i mean i fixed a few things but i didn't like completely redo it or anything like that and yet the housing prices went up so high that i could get 100% more than what I paid for. There's a book called The Big Short by Michael Lewis, and he basically traces how this all happened. And there was really two people, according to him in this book, and if

I'm remembering, might've been one of them. There were really two people, one of whom has Asperger's syndrome. He was in San Jose, California, had a lazy eye, and was a true Asperger's syndrome. And basically six years before this was looking at these mortgage-backed securities, these tranches, and actually breaking them down because he was obsessed with numbers and actually really knew how they worked, how derivatives and everything worked. And he was going, oh, wait a minute. These houses and these algorithms aren't reflecting real value and this isn't making sense yet they're bundling these mortgage-backed securities and selling them and i don't think people are gonna be able to pay their mortgages because this isn't making sense and he was saying that six seven years before that and figured it out and then there was another guy who is this

dude who just who was a broker who did this, who I think hooked up with this guy and started looking at it. And he was like, you, this doesn't make any sense. This whole system is going to collapse. They were literally like trying to build Noah's Ark. And it's a great book called The Big Short. And he, and he really does a great job of actually showing the key players who really saw this thing coming and were jumping up and down. And they were ridiculed for it. Yes, I did. I saw it. If you you like inside job read the big short because it's amazing or if you don't like to read watch inside job because it's amazing and the guy confronts people he confronts all these oh yeah it turns out not only was i mean inside job is really an apt name for it because

not only was it a crazy fucked up system that people were exploiting the people that were passing their judgment and saying what is acceptable what's not acceptable would eventually get hired by these big banking companies so what they would do is they would be professors at harvard and they would be economics professors and they would analyze all these trends and they would like well our recommendation is that this is good and this is good as that. And all they were doing was giving people the green light to extract money and then they would go work for those people and get these insane fucking jobs. Well, the SEC.

Incredible money, the SEC. And so they looked at the trend of people like going from, you know, like from Harvard to the SEC and the SEC to some insane job where they would get fucking gazillions of dollars a year and they go, oh, everyone's corrupt. The whole thing's corrupt. And when this guy's confronting these people in that movie, Inside Job, and they're

freaking out and reacting to him, it's pretty amazing. It is. It's a great documentary. And it will make you want to throw a hammer through your fucking TV. The get you the question it raises though is is that is the incentive structure that was set up to blame and how do you avoid because smart people are going to take advantage of a system that's broken yeah so how then do you see we all know that you're never going to control human behavior i mean it's going to be impossible and when people see an

opening they're going to take it some people so the idea then is how do you create a system that doesn't reward that kind of behavior? That seems to be the biggest question. Is that even possible? Well, one of the ways that smart people will talk about is to say, you still have, this guy, James Rickard, who was on my show said, the problem with too big to fail, the eight biggest banks in the country are, are bigger than ever. And what that means is that the U S government can't let them fail. They can behave very irresponsibly.

I'm not saying they are right now, but they can, if they wanted to behave very irresponsibly and they, and if they, if they screw up again, we have to bail them out because they are the central nervous system of our financial structure. Yeah, but the crazy thing is that was all warned about a long-ass time ago.

Sure it was. The idea of a bank being too big to fail, it's a refuted premise. Nothing's happened about it. It doesn't work. Nothing's happened about it. No, nothing. Nothing has happened. It's gotten worse in some ways.

And what was my favorite part about it was when they were talking about the bonuses and that Obama was going to limit them to $500,000 because guys were still getting bonuses like millions and millions of dollars and they're like, well, they have to pay them because if they don't these guys are going to go work for someone else. I remember thinking like, where are they going to work? They're going to work for who? How much money?

How could you possibly get a bonus when your bank is folding? Like, what is the bonus for? The answer to that, if you listen to a lot of people, is they go, guess what banks do? They don't live in a capitalist society, first of all. They call Obama a socialist. They're the biggest socialists on the planet. They have socialized their losses and privatized their gains.

You lose, don't worry, the government will bail you out. You're too big to fail, buddy. All of them went out there with that. You guys talk about being capitalists. You guys went out there with, well, we failed. Somebody bail us out. But you privatize. You about being capitalists. You guys went out there with it. Well, we failed. Somebody bail us out. But you privatize. You make all the money.

You live in a private economy. You talk about the market system and the free market enterprise. Instead of bitching about this, stop for a second. And what would you do? What would I do? What would you do? You're going to be the king of the world. I'm going to allow you.

You have an unlimited budget. First thing I would do is this. Campaign finance reform. What does that mean? Take money out of politics. Why in the world? Why in the world? And again, I'm sorry to bring up another book, but don't go to a book.

Go to the TED lecture and listen to it. It's called Republic Lost by Lawrence Lessig. And basically, here's how it goes. If you're a politician in this country, you are beholden to fundraisers. You spend all your time, 40% of your time, calling people you don't know for money because you're not getting elected otherwise.

How do you solve that problem? Take money out of politics. There are ways to do it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you how. There are ways to do it where money doesn't play as big enough a role. Because now we are in an economy of influence. it, I'm not going to sit here and tell you how there are ways to do it where money doesn't play as big enough a role. Now we are in an economy of influence. You cannot do business as a private corporation without having a pipeline to Washington.

It takes two hours to get into Washington because 13,000 lobbyists are descending on that capital every fucking day. As long as you create an economy of influence and you have corporations that are manipulating that massive structure, let's start there. Do you think the solution

is the internet? Well, that's my second thing. The, the, there is an America that works. And that America that works is the kind of commerce

that is going on on the internet. eBay and all this other stuff. And the government hasn't yet gotten involved. That's still a wild frontier. And guess what? Guess what?

You and I, regular people, know how to do it. We don't need a bunch of licenses and government intervention. People, the Internet works. It works. Also, you can't have a bunch of things that are going to influence all of us happening behind closed doors. You just can't. Of course not. You can't do it.

You're talking about the NSA now. Yeah. People need to know. Like if there's environmental issues that are coming up and they're being debated inside some closed door where people are making deals and those decisions that they're making could fuck us all up, that can't happen. No one should have that ability. No one should have that ability. No one should have that kind of power. Let me add a caveat, though, very quickly to that. There is something called secret deliberation.

There's nothing wrong with it. Let me finish with this sentence. If you look at the Supreme Court, when they come to a decision, they retire to a room and it is a secret sort of deliberation. The media is not there because it requires lots of sober thought. It requires changing your mind. You can't have people listening and watching the process. Okay, but that's a very different thing.

It is because the decision, exactly, because the decision finally is a public decision that still has to be, that we contend with and we know about. Well, not only that, but when someone is in the Supreme Court, theoretically at least, they have the responsibility to adhere to the letter of the law. And anyone influencing that, anyone outside of the Supreme Court influencing that would be negative. So if it was wide open to the whole world to look at, then you you got all these people influencing it and react to it and their influence may affect the way a decision gets made. But it's been hijacked.

Of course. It's been hijacked. So they do get influenced. When you hear the Supreme Court pass shit that says like a corporation can act as an individual and they can donate as much money as they want to a campaign. When you have like those kind of decisions being made, you go, oh, they got you. They got to you. If there's widespread

spying on its citizen, if a government is spying on its citizenry secretly, if they are collecting information from ordinary citizens, I want to know about it. Let's have the debate publicly. Tell me if it's really that important to stop terrorism can we have a public debate i want to know about it what's going to happen that snowden dude that's going to be i think he's going to stay in russia because we don't have an extradition treaty with them well if he's smart he would stay in russia i i don't think the dude should come back that's for fuck sure i i don't think he should come back i i i never should be a don't think he should come back.

They're never going to let him go. I think there should be a debate, a real debate about what the hell is going on with the NSA and how we navigate this problem. But meanwhile, they're trying to not talk about it. Like, you know, everyone wants to talk about the new royal baby. Everyone wants to talk about Andrew Weiner ripping his cock out. I know. Geraldo Rivera taking his shirt off. None of it matters, man.

People on drones are slamming in the huts. Look, look. You know, it's... Thoreau said, I see man everywhere striking at the branches of evil while none are hitting the root. You got to know where the root starts, man. So you know where the real enemy is. That's very important before you strike out.

You got to know, and that takes some work. You've got to earn that. And that's why I recommend the book Republic Lost, or at least go to TED.com and listen to Lawrence Lessig show you why we are losing our republic. He does a very good job about it. People argue with it. Sat next to a guy on a plane who was an editor at Newsweek

who said he doesn't know what he's talking about. But I was very convinced and it was very scary. Well, I think that the responsibility for running this entire society cannot rest in secret hands anymore. And I think the only way for society to progress the way the culture of human interaction has progressed since the internet, the only way society for society to catch up is to take away power they have to relinquish power that it has to be done that's the only way you're going to have a a culture that is advancing commensurate with the amount of people that are advancing because otherwise you're going to have a bunch of people that are

trying to control and and steal resources and hold on to influence and hold on to power. And they're going to realize that there's fucking pounding at the gates everywhere. And they're not going to open up the gates. They're going to try to bolt them down more. And they're trying to scare people away from the gates. And that's what we're seeing now. What we're seeing now with things like going after these whistleblowers as if they were the most evil people in the world. with things like going after these whistleblowers as if they were the most evil people in the world.

Meanwhile, the government itself is responsible for thousands of people dying in drone attacks that were innocent. That's thousands of murders. And no one is getting in trouble for these accidental murders. Accidental, of course, but murders still. But yet, this Snowden guy is public enemy number one and they're pulling down planes with the president of austria in them they're diverting planes because they thought that he was going to austria they land with this fucking guy and they're like let me check your plane and then he's like what the fuck are you doing like because they thought that snowden was on this cat's plane amazing i mean they're taking planes out of the sky, royal planes from other countries.

It's craziness. And why is it? Because this guy caught people doing shit that is illegal, immoral, and not wanted by any of the people that voted folks into power. If you had a vote today, should the NSA be able to look at everyone's email

and everyone's fucking cell phone records? We all say no. A hundred percent. If you didn't say no, you're a bitch. bitch you're not an american you're a fucking cunt you fascist piece of shit you want any but because the here's the deal about the government they're just people okay there is no government there's a bunch of people that act as the government but the reality of the government is they're just people and if there's only a lot of good people by the way i mean you know imagine if there's only two two government and then you're the only population there's two people in government and you're the population and they're

telling you you can't smoke weed we're gonna lock in a cage they tell you would kill them you would say okay well i'm living with these people and have to kill because they're trying to they're trying to stop me from doing a bunch of shit that doesn't have anything to do with them the the idea only becomes reasonable when you're governing 300 million people. Then, it's okay to throw them in a cage if you catch them with a trunk full of heroin. But if we were on

an island together and it was just you and me, and I caught you doing heroin, I'd be like, dude, what are you doing? I wouldn't build a fucking bamboo cage and dig a hole and throw you in the bottom of it. The other issue is this. If you have a government where the people in it may be good people, but the only way to get ahead is by acting and behaving corrupt. That's the insidious thing. Let me give you an example of when you go

to Capitol Hill and you are a politician and you're making 120 grand a year, you know what you're, you know what that's, you know what you were in, you're in grad school. You know what the, you know what the big hoon is, you know what you want to do. You want to work there for six, seven, eight years. And Lawrence Lexington does a good job of showing this. And then you want to go work on K street for a lobbying firm, making 500, 600, $600,000, $700,000 a year. That's the goal. Government has become big business. Government has become a business unto itself.

And it's just like any other business. It becomes competitive. People want to get ahead. The only way to get ahead is to make progress. The only way to make progress is to move forward. What's it doing right now? I've got to move it further. The only way to make money is not by pulling back and having less war and less this and less that and less control. No, the way

to make money inside this system is to keep it pushing forward. That's right. But I think it's going to lose its power. I don't think it's going to be a revolution. Yeah, as you talk, one of the things I was thinking about is I'm optimistic in the sense that I don't know how you control. You can't control the truth. The Internet is the access to information that people have has never been better in that sense. And we are developing our own autonomy in many ways. Look, you and I have a business that we run primarily through the Internet. I mean, you know, developing an audience, doing podcasts,

all these kinds of things, going on the road. You can actually start becoming your own entity, your own sort of source of income, your own everything. And that's pretty new. I mean, so much of it is, you know, owning your own business, branding yourself has never been easier in some ways. Never been easier. I would have never been able to do it before. And I was very fortunate enough to witness many different aspects of the birth of the internet and one of the things that i got a chance to witness was i was there when the ufc existed only on the internet the ufc lost its ability to be on cable they got banned from cable so the only way people knew

about it is if you had direct tv which wasn't as popular back then as it is now i mean we're talking about the 1990s the early 90s and other than that like you would you would hear about it on the internet you would go on these like forums with your shitty ass modem your 56k modem like chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk as it would like slowly like move its way down the page until you could download the website and we that's how i found out almost about all the events and different things that were going on there like the mixed martial arts.com it used to be i think it was submissionfighting.com and then it was mixedmartialarts.com there was mma.tv and then

it's mixedmartialarts.com and it became it's some what's that noise dialing what is that oh okay don't do that thanks yeah the um that sound, I mean, those websites from back then, like doing that was the only way people communicated about information. If it wasn't for that, no one would have any idea that it was even still on anymore. Once you pull shit off cable, it's like it doesn't exist anymore. It's gone. But because of people like, where the fuck did it go? What's going on?

And so they would get online and people, these communities sort of developed where people started talking about things online. So I got to see a sport from mixed martial arts literally go from almost dying to being partially revived to taking off all primarily through the momentum of the internet. Yeah. Incredible. Yeah. this is a totally different world stand-up comic and being a musician or being you know it's i mean look at even even like tv shows house of cards winning all these awards man it's strictly internet you know yeah we're getting everything from why wouldn't you well they're bringing but netflix is bringing back arrested development yeah like how crazy is that people

are like what the fuck? Why did they cancel that show? I was just with Will Arnett in New York. He's been doing it. They got him everybody together, and 10 years later, they're all doing it. There's so many people on Netflix now. And Netflix just announced they're going to start doing stand-up comedy specials. I did my first special on Netflix.

You know what? One of my first specials. I'm thinking about it. Why not? I know. Fucking great. I still to this day. They all watch my first special on Netflix.

Why wouldn't they watch? Why not just go right. I still to this day. They all watch my first special on Netflix. Why wouldn't they watch? Why not just go right to Netflix and do it? To this day, I get tweets about my 2005 special from Netflix. That was the one, the beginning, the whole eat the sandwich thing. About society and human beings are sort of like mold on a sandwich. I think we might be here to eat the sandwich. You know, the's the horrifying revelation. Right.

Did you, there's a recent article about the Pacific Garbage Patch, about the new measurements of the Pacific Garbage Patch. How big is it? Like the size of the U.S.? It's closing in on California. It's getting closer to us. If you haven't paid attention to this, it's something we haven't talked about on the podcast in a long time,

but Google Pacific Garbage Patch. It's essentially like there's a tide, there's a current. The way the oceans move, the way the currents move, it developed this sort of area where all the shit that's floating in the ocean coalesced and combined into this enormous soup of fucking rotting plastic. Wow. Slowly degrading plastic that kills millions of animals a year. It kills millions.

Can't we go in there with scoopers? I mean. It's like Texas sized. Yeah. It's so big, it's insane. And it's not like a solid thing. It's like soup. Yeah, yeah.

It's little pieces. Yeah. And in the Sun and in the ocean the salt water and the surf and everything that it slowly breaks down to it's like floating pellets and shit yeah and what's a fish and everything eats it they eat it and they die fish birds they eat it and they die just millions of them and it's the whole thing is enormous And no one's cleaning it, and it's getting bigger. It's constantly getting bigger.

I have to believe that with technology, 3D printing, and stuff like that, we're going to have less waste, less transport, right? I mean, I don't know. That's an interesting possibility. I think the ultimate reality, which would be the best, is if we develop something that can eat plastic. And somehow you can control it. Well, they have those kinds of things, but it's a question of, yeah. But it's also what happens once it gets done eating plastic. Well, hmm, I like people too.

Right, right, right. There's no more plastic. Let's start eating feet. There are bacteria that you can, you know, that we do use, I guess, enzymes and bacteria that actually do that now, but whether or not it's biocompatible and, you know, those are the questions that, you questions, the march of science. Well, there's been some thought about doing various things to clean up the ocean, and one of the things is actually introducing certain algaes

and introducing iron, taking metal and creating metal structures and putting these metal structures in the bottom of the ocean that would attract various types of algae, and that various types of algae. And that various types of algae, those would re-oxygenate through their use of whatever the fuck they need in the ocean and actually clean up some of the water. Sometimes I feel like all these problems are put there for a reason and anything is surmountable. Oh, you're so cute. I know.

Anything is surmountable. It's all for a reason. No, no. Just anything is surmontable oh you're so cute I know anything is all for a reason no no just anything is solvable everything that happens happens for a reason

yeah well that stuff is all annoying it's annoying but then it's not right well I'm with you

I believe it I mean anything any challenge human beings do incredible things man yeah

human beings come up with do you ever hear the story about Morse the guy who created Morse code? Like, that was the most revolutionary.

It was the turning point in history. Right. Morse, because if you think about it, in Alexander the Great... Yeah, yeah. In 19... It was 1820 when it was invented, I think. When the first time they actually...

I think it was 1819 or something. When the first time they actually had a 10-mile stretch of wire, and the guy was able to send a message. And before that, think about this, before that, the guy before 18-whatever, 1815, he had to send a message the same exact way Alexander the Great did, either on horseback, either on foot, or either by boat.

And when Morse code came out, and Morse was a guy who was a really, really successful painter, okay? And he had nothing to do with electromagnetic fields or anything. He was a really successful painter. His wife, he gets a letter that his wife is very sick. He loved his wife in Connecticut. By the time he gets there, she's not only dead, she's been buried. And he said, there's got to be a way I can get information faster because it killed him. It was this tragedy. Seven years later, she's been buried. And he said, there's got to be a way I can get information faster because it killed him.

It was this tragedy. Seven years later, he's on a boat. He meets this electromagnetic engineer. He starts talking to him. He gets fascinated with the idea that maybe I can come up with a way to use electromagnetic fields to send a message. About 10 years after that, he invented something called Morse code, this painter, because he was so broke, heartbroken over his wife. And, and, and by the end, the world has never been the same. That was a bigger communication leap actually than the internet,

because it was the first time we were able to send instantaneous messages. Uh, and then I think five years later, we, we finally had a wire from New York to New Orleans, which was so much faster and you could get instantaneous communication. The world was never the same. And, of course, we built on that. But the history is so full of individuals that were trying to solve a problem that seemed insurmountable. And oftentimes it was because they basically, like Alexander Fleming, had a cold. His snot fell in. He had all these Petri dishes working on different spores and stuff. And he decided to clean stuff out himself.

He never used to clean his own Petri dishes. He had a cold. His snot fell into one of the moldy dishes. And he realized that the bacteria under the microscope, the mold, had killed all the bacteria. And he went, wait a minute. That's how he invented a little something called penicillin, which then became antibiotics, which is why people are alive. It's crazy. So many of these things either happen through accident with individuals or people were trying to solve a problem. Yeah. That's one of the things about life is that you need struggle. It seems like you shouldn't

have it, but you need it. And one of the worst things that is that you need struggle. It seems like you shouldn't have it, but you need it. And one of the worst things that can happen is when people don't struggle anymore and then they start to suck and they used to be awesome. You know, you see it with musicians time and time again, you see it with certain comedians, you see it with certain writers,

you see it with certain actors. They, they lose whatever the fuck it was that they had when they were struggling. When they were struggling and they had to show up. Sometimes it's good to be criticized. Sometimes it's good to fail. Because that fail can be like a turbocharger that kicks you into the next space. A wolf at the door is usually luxury.

It's not struggle. Some of my biggest leaps in my comedy career have come after bombing. Me too. My biggest leaps, one of my biggest ones ever in New York came after bombing. One of my biggest ones in Boston

came after bombing. I've had them in LA that came after bombing. One of the reasons why I dove back into comedy, I bombed one night at the comedy store when I was doing news radio and a bunch of the reasons why i just i dove back into comedy i bombed one night at the comedy store when i was doing news radio and a bunch of the writers came to watch me and i ate dick i ate dick at 1 a.m that's terrible it was the main room at 1 a.m you've been there that's the spots that i used to get back then you know i was a nobody so i used to get these spots after everybody had ripped that place sideways and there was 20 people left. And then I went on to this dead crowd.

My shitty, 20 alcoholics, some who don't speak English, just stirring their drinks. Oh, I've been, I've been there. It was death.

Yeah. And then, um, I realized, oh my God, I'm coasting. Like I realized, like I,

I went up there, I thought I could do the same jokes I've been doing for years with no passion and no energy and no excitement to them. And I felt it while other people took it in because the room wasn't giving me nothing. I had to bring it myself and you can bring it if you're good. You can bring it if you actually have it. But that's when you find out if you're faking it,

when there's 10 people in the crowd, you know, anything less than 50 people, you can't trick those fucking people into laughing. You're either funny or you're not. But a 200 person, you could sometimes, why we all know, and no no disrespect but we all know those those people that can go on at the laugh

factory at like 8 30 on a friday when everyone's laughing and everything and you can watch this bizarre mayonnaise sandwich of an act where you're like what did i even just see but yet the pauses are in the right place and people are laughing and the the person's dressed right and they they don't stay too long you know you do like 10-15 minutes and good enough you hit on enough buzzwords that people like oh you brought up some things that people think is funny, like Kanye West or whatever. You know, it's enough. You did it. You were safe. You got through it. Yeah.

But that same person, put them on the comedy store at 1 a.m. in front of 20 people. And they will get nothing. Zero. It's the death march. Yeah. Those shitty dry words tumbling out of your mouth like dirt. Like literally dirt coming out of your mouth like dirt like literally dirt coming out of your mouth well you know they they always say that so they say why why why was louis armstrong so great and

some of those black musicians who were doing incredible things with a horn and there was this historian i can't remember his name said well when you were black back then you weren't allowed to speak your mind you expressed yourself through your horn man and and they that he was trying to say something he was really trying to say something through that horn yeah so it it really is a question of what your motivation is and how important inspiration and motivation is to keep yourself going man yeah you have to have something man you gotta you gotta be une I keep myself uneasy you know and I do it I don't do it because I'm better than other people. I don't do it because I'm smarter. I do it because I failed.

And I realize why I failed. I realize what made me fail. And then I don't do it that way anymore. It's really that simple. I'm not better than anybody. What I am is a guy who did a lot of shit and failed miserably a bunch of times and then hated that feeling and made sure that I didn't do

that again. So the only reason why I keep myself uncomfortable now is out of sheer terror of the feeling that I had before when I would, when I've bombed or when I've when I've half-assed something or when I haven't, I haven't pushed as hard as I can.

I'm also driven. I'm also driven. I want to see what I have inside me. I'm curious. I'm also really driven by curiosity for myself. That's an ego thing, isn't it? I don't know. I don't think so.

The idea of seeing what's inside you. I don't think it's an ego thing. I think for me it's like, what's inside me? My buddy, my buddy I was just with. I went to visit in Europe. He's made about a billion dollars. Went to college with him. And I'm not kidding when I say that. He's got the craziest house.

And I said, what drives you, man? I said, you own the two fastest growing banks in Europe. You've got crazy money. The staff were flying around in your private jet. What is it that drives you? And he said, he looked at me and he goes, look, man, I like building things because I'm never sure sure if i can really do it it's just always a rush to be able to try to build something yeah and see if i still have it see if i can still do it see if it's a new challenge and just try it and it has nothing to do with the money that's just like he's made more than anybody could ever spend

yeah well that's when it becomes like a weird game that you're playing that's what it is like for bill gates at a certain time bill gates had to realize that he could never spend. Yeah, well, that's when it becomes like a weird game that you're playing. That's what it is. Like for Bill Gates, at a certain time, Bill Gates had to realize that he could never spend all that shit. Oh, yeah. If you really do get to keep it, like I'm not sure what happens when you have $98 billion

when it goes up $50 billion and then down. When the market shifts, like that's the weirdest thing about those guys when you look at like their net worth. Yeah. And then like it used to be $90 million or $90 billion. Now it's $40 billion. You're like, whoa, whoa, you're like whoa whoa whoa whoa wait where the fuck did that go right

like what happened there right like you lost 50 but what wait a minute what are you even saying but at a certain point time what if he stopped now how much money would he have every year just to spend it would be an insane amount of money. He's done. There's that thing about Bill Gates 10 years ago when they said if he dropped $40,000 out of his pocket, it wouldn't be worth him turning around to get it because his time is worth much more than the time it would take to actually turn around and pick up the $40,000. It would be financially prudent for him to keep walking. That hurts my brain. I love that stuff.

No, no, no. You dropped $40, thousand dollars whatever it was or something crazy i was um looking online at uh houses that like uh you know rich people own like oprah style houses and oprah oprah's house is everywhere um but she's got this house in montecito uh which is the nice area outside of Santa Barbara, like really old school, beautiful homes, really beautiful, beautiful neighborhood near the ocean. And her house, it's like, how do you have enough money for this is one of your houses? It doesn't even make any sense. At one person, can you accumulate that much money? Yeah.

And then when you stop and look at it and go, wait a minute, how did she do that? She's just talking. Like Oprah doesn't do shit. She's not juggling. She doesn't play guitar. She's inspiring. not juggling. She doesn't play guitar. She was inspiring. She doesn't play guitar. She's not the fastest race car driver. She doesn't pole vault. All she does

is talk and go, we'll be right back. She's got a hundred fucking gazillion dollars. Because she was a source of major inspiration for millions of women. It's insane to look at her house. Her house in... Is it crazy? Oh my god. It's insane. It's incredible.

Well, I remember when I was doing Fat Actress and she was redoing Kirstie Alley's kitchen. Oprah was doing it? Uh-huh. Why was she doing that? I don't know. Something that she decided to do, redo Kirstie Alley's kitchen that was going to be on the program, you know, that they showed it on at Oprah.

And I was there while they were renovating it. I believe the – I'm sorry, Kirstie, if I'm talking out of line, but I think it cost $700,000 just to redo the kitchen, dude. $700,000 to redo the kitchen. What kind of fucking kitchen was it? What are you talking – I don't know, just big. Not worth $700,000 to me, but it was all detailed with incredible mosaic and all that stuff

Well you gotta think that she's like really big And she probably eats a lot of food And so you need a lot of refrigerators and shit As far as like hot chicks That got gigantic She's numero uno There's never been like a super hot chick Who got gigantic and then stayed arrogant

She's very extreme Yeah like stayed out there, stayed bold. She's a bold dog. Out there, would talk about losing the weight and then lose weight, drop 100 pounds, do a fucking weight loss commercial. She went cold on me. We hung out. I loved her kids and we did that show and then she just never called me back. I was like.

What happened after you did the show? You stopped being friends? No, even during. While we were doing Fat Actress, something happened where she. you stopped being friends? No, even during. While we were doing Fat Actress, something happened where she... Did you fuck her?

No, no. How dare you? No, but she just went cold on me. I never understood it. She just went dead cold on me. Is she a Scientologist?

Never even looked at me. Yeah, she was a Scientologist. I'm reading Going Clear now on your recommendation. Great book. Yeah. Just you wait, bro. wait yeah i'm about 50

pages in i just started oh oh please continue but it's it's uh it's absolutely fascinating he also wrote a great book lawrence wright about uh the looming tower which i also read about the uh the rise of islamic fundamentalism and culminating in 9-11. It's fascinating. You have to read that next. You have to. You just have to. I would love to. So we can talk about it. Yeah, that's... Any religious fundamentalism scares the shit out of me. Yeah.

It's a prison of belief. Scientology is a religious fundamentalism, and that's what's fascinating about his book. Religious fundamentalism has nothing to do with the truth. It has nothing to do with some ancient shit that God told people. It has to do with another possibility of the human existence. Just like we were talking about a car, that a car has a bunch of shit it can do. It can hit the brakes. You could corner at one G. You can accelerate to 60 in five seconds. It has all these things that it can do. Well, it can also fall into a cult.

That's what a person could do. Like all the shit that a person could do. A person could make coffee. A person can use a computer. A person can have sex and make a baby. Oh, they can also fall into a cult. They can also... We were in Utah filming my show last week, Duncan and I, and we showed up at the airport, and it was one of the strangest things I've ever seen in my life. They had these people that were returning from missions and they were elders. They called them elders in the church.

And they had all the people there with signs, right? Screaming like they're rock stars. I mean, high pitch cheers and screaming with these giant signs that say, Welcome Home Elder Richardson.

Welcome Home Elder White. My parents live in park city so i see yeah yeah that's where we went we went well we went to park city that's we we ate at park city and then we did our thing uh which was about two hours outside of that which is god's country man just fucking beautiful and park city i'd only been there in the winter parents have a great we went skiing there once the winter and it was beautiful but then we went there in the winter. My parents have a great house. We went skiing there once in the winter and it was beautiful. But then we went there in the summer and they told me

what's even better than skiing is you take the lifts, the lifts operate all year round, you take the lifts and you take a mountain bike down those hills, those perfect ski hills. They say it's insane

because you got brakes now. Yeah. So you can go fucking you're driving a fucking a bike down those hills. It's supposed to be amazing. It's incredible. You don't have to drive up.

You take the lift back up. Done it. Have you done it with a dirt bike? A mountain bike? Not a mountain bike. It's supposed to be amazing. It's supposed to be even more fun than skiing, which sounds crazy. But the area there, it's so goddamn gorgeous, man.

I've been hiking up there. It's so gorgeous. I leave my parents' house and just go hiking, and I do it alone. It's incredible. It almost doesn't bother me that all these fucking people are crazy religious there. Well, in Park City, there aren't a lot of Mormons. No, they're not. It's Salt Lake.

But you've got to land in Salt Lake. Yeah. And that's what you see. But they're nice people. I was going to say, they're very nice people. They're nice. They keep a very clean state. I've got no problem with Mormons.

I never got beat up by a Mormon. Listen, I have some friends that were Mormons. We were friends with them when they were Mormons and they eventually bailed. It's really kind of interesting to watch them bail on being a Mormon. Because, you know, they got to a certain point in their life where they're like, what the fuck are we doing? Which is

really interesting to see when people hit like 40 and then they start doing that. But these people living in this state and a giant percentage of them being involved in this one cult and but that cult seems to work for them for the most part like they get those weird uh aberrations like they branch off like occasionally and have that one guy that got arrested what was his name jeff something or another that Oh, yeah. What the fuck was that guy's name? The Mormon church, I believe, outlawed polygamy like in the 1800s. And then there was a sect that split off, a bunch of guys who were perverts who were like,

bullshit, which I sympathize with. Jeffries, right? Yes, yes, yes. And he went to jail for a long time. Yeah. Well, what's even more interesting is that one of those groups that branched off because they didn't want to give up the polygamy was the guy who was running for president, Mitt Romney's family.

Really? Mitt Romney is a super Mormon. In fact, his family lives in Mexico. His father couldn't run for president because his father was born in Mexico. Really? So Mitt Romney was born in America, but his dad was a part of the cult that moved to Mexico because they didn't want to give up the pussy. So they have these, it used to be.

I might just vote for Mitt Romney next time. Back before there were cars, it didn't matter if you were in Mexico. It's like you're in Mexico, you're in the United States. In the 1800s, it was like, they were like, well, if you want to be an American, you cannot have multiple wives. They're like, oh, but I can have multiple wives if I just cross that river. Yeah. Take care. See you later.

Ta-ta for now. And then all of a sudden, you're over there, and then someone invents something called cars. Well, the whole world changes, because now people are moving back and forth, and it's real easy to do so. And then you realize, oh shit, there's a wall between me and the most prosperous area, and it's right over there. And then the area around you becomes

filled with people that are involved in something called the drug war. And then you're fucked. So now his family that lives in Mexico, they're armed to the teeth. Really? They live in giant compounds. Where did you see all this? This is all Vice.

Vice.com, man. Wow. My friend Shane Smith told me about this. This is the first time I heard about it. And there's multiple articles confirming this. Vice is a very interesting phenomenon. They're badass. Yeah.

And it's not like this is speculation or theory. No, this is real. Vice goes in there and they look vice many many many many many people have documented these mormon cults in mexico and there's some serious conflict with the the drug lords in mexico they kidnap them because kidnapping is a huge source of income in like mexico city and a lot of places as far as like crime kidnapping people's a big deal to the point where they tell you don't drive around in a bulletproof car. In a nice car, I know. But bulletproof cars specifically

because they target those. Because they figure you have money. Yes, because what's in there? Some money? What's in there? Are you hiding something? Is there a jewel of a person in there that I can sell?

And so they were doing that with the families, like these cults that live in these giant compounds. Just like several families that moved to Mexico. And Mitt Romney's family was a part of that. I'd get out of there. Yeah, you think? Yeah. Yeah.

One of the weirdest aspects of society in the year 2013 is that we are connected to one of the most dangerous areas in the world. is that we are connected to one of the most dangerous areas in the world. Juarez, Mexico, is one of the most dangerous spots to be a human being and live in the world. More dangerous, in fact, than Iraq was. Well, I think that's where the Zetas came out of. And I think they've been kind of brought under control. I don't know. The issue is that the economy of Mexico and the power structure, the entrenched power structure itself relies on the drug economy. And the corruption is just completely out of control.

I mean the cops. And by the way, their neighbors, the United States, are the biggest consumers of that product. So, you know, as long as there is a demand, they're going to supply it and either, but don't legalize it. Don't legalize it. We'll just, we got 52,000 body bags and counting, I think in Mexico, since this shit happened. You know, Mexico has silently decriminalized drugs. Well, I don't blame them. And I'll tell you why, because they've been the ones bearing the brunt with real tragedy and their bodies and their children and their neighborhoods that they're the ones who've been dealing with this yeah we've been the ones consuming it and it's got you know so i i i again yet again you know

if people want to do something they're going to do it stop trying to control people's behavior yeah they they decriminalize everything in 2009 to try to slow everything down. It's very rarely talked about. I didn't know that, actually. I'm interested in hearing that. But I heard a little of it. When people talk about decriminalization, the example they always give is Portugal. Because Portugal did essentially the same thing. They made all drugs legal.

They decriminalized everything. You can't sell them, but you can possess them. If you get caught, they give you treatment. No one goes to jail. Well, when Portugal did that, their fucking rates of addiction dropped, their rates of crime dropped. But let me ask you this. And you know more about it than I do. Weed, for all intents and purposes, in Colorado, for example, is legal. But that's the state. That's a statutory law. It is still not a federal law. So the Fed can come in and actually technically close those repositories down and all that, right?

Yes. Not only that, even the medical – like the idea of medical marijuana, the federal government does not recognize the fact that it's even a medicine. So the federal government, the reason why marijuana is a Schedule I substance is not because it's the most dangerous, because it was based on proof that it would be impossible to put marijuana in Schedule I. But they can put marijuana in Schedule I because Schedule I means has no medicinal value that's recognized by the state, by the federal government. So because of the fact they put it in a Schedule I, then it refutes all the medical marijuana clinics. Because you can have medical cocaine. You can have medical... There's applications for opiates, like pills.

Those are all legal. So you can sell those. Like Novocaine is actually a cocaine derivative. Lidocaine, yes. Lidocaine, yeah. And how about opiates? Sure. Morphine?

Yeah, and Oxycontins, all that stuff. Those are pills. You can buy those. You can ask your doctor for Vicodins, and they will give them to you if you're in pain. Those are drugs, okay? But the federal government can't stop your doctor from prescribing those because they're Schedule II. So cocaine and heroin are both Schedule II drugs because they have medical applications, whereas they try to pretend that marijuana doesn't.

And that way, they can stop medical marijuana from starting, because it's a plant as opposed to a medicine. But they've proved it for glaucoma and things. It helps. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. They've proved it till the cows come home. It's not based on logic, reason, or something being fair and ethical.

It's based entirely on money. Entirely being fair and ethical it's based entirely on money and entirely on money and that's so there's no argument there's more money in enforcing marijuana laws keeping people in jail than there is in oh do you want better there's an economy based on enforcing marijuana laws if marijuana is responsible and this is a true fact was responsible for a large percentage of people that are in federal prison. A large percentage. Of course. More than 20%.

Of all the people that are in prison are in there because of marijuana, or it's growing it or selling it or whatever. If that's the case, all those people get out. All those people now would not get put in prison in the future. No one would get put in prison that did those things.

And now prisons will shrink. There will be less people in the prisons. There will be less prison guards. Prison guard unions do not want that. So prison guard unions campaign and use their money and their finances to lobby heavily to make sure that marijuana laws stay in place. Once again, an example of how Washington has become an economy of influence. Once again, why you got to know how the system works and the injustices it creates. When a special interest group can affect other people's lives because there's an economic

advantage in it, even if it's an immoral law. Yeah, I don't think anybody has an argument with it. Right. The argument with you, rather. The argument is how, or the question, rather, becomes how do you stop that from happening? Take money out of politics. Yeah, but who the, you know, too late. There are ways to do it.

No, there are ways to do it. It's not easy. It's like taking that plastic out of the middle of the ocean. It's essentially the same problem. Lawrence Lessig has ideas and a lot of other people do. Who the hell is that guy and how can they kill him? His Mercedes is going to go right into a tree at 100 miles an hour like Michael Hastings, not hitting the brakes.

Right. Do you know about that? No. You don't know about that? No. You don't know about Michael Hastings? No. Wow.

You're a weird guy, man. You know about some strange shit, but you don't know about some things. Sometimes things are like in the public consciousness that you're completely blissfully unaware of the michael hastings uh conspiracy is he's a journalist for the rolling stone 33 years old cocky fuck you know getting people's faces on television about generals and stuff about what they're doing and you guys are doing this and that exposes a bunch of shit gets people in trouble he's doing an article about the CIA. Okay, his car Drives into a tree. This is after he told everybody the FBI is investigating him and his family and you know If anybody, you know gets contacted by the FBI just get a lawyer like he's saying all this stuff like publicly

His car goes 100 miles an hour without ever hitting the brakes right into a tree Okay, he bursts into flames and dies. Okay. No, doesn't hit the brakes. It's four o'clock in the morning. Judge drives straight into a tree. They take his body, cremate it against the wishes of his family. Then the former security advisor, I think it was a security advisor to Clinton and Herbert Walker Bush, he comes out and says that it's possible to take over a car,

a modern car today, including manipulate the steering, the brakes. Because it's a computer. Yes. So he says you can turn your car into a drone. Jesus. And remote control a car. Jesus. And suicide someone with it.

And so this guy who is spending all of his time and all of his effort very high profile trying to take out the people in the world that are the best at killing people all of a sudden drives his car 100 miles an hour into a tree doesn't hit the brakes once and even people that aren't inclined to subscribe to conspiracy theories just go wait a minute what the fuck i've had some people that were they're very serious folks okay and they've sent me messages just saying okay what the fuck is this like i'm not about the hastings so many people have written this message. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but... Sure.

Dot, dot, dot. And then sent me that. I mean, scholars, like people that I've met that have PhDs. And they're looking at this and they're going, whoa. He exposed some crazy shit. It's not that far-fetched to believe that there are people in power that will kill you if you're threatening their position. It seems to me that's what history would suggest. But it goes along the lines of what we were talking about earlier.

Of how anonymous you can be now. And also about what's possible. Do you know anybody at the NSA? I don't know anybody. No, I don't know anybody at the NSA. Exactly. I don't know any of those guys. I don't know one person.

So, you know, yeah, I believe that there are probably people who could manipulate a car. Yes. It can be done now. It's a fact. It's really pretty wild. No, it's a fact. It can be done now. I want to get that Tesla, by the way.

Whether it's been done is not a fact, but it's a fact that it can be done. Wow. There's absolutely – look at that. Hacking a car is way too easy. There's absolutely, look at that, hacking a car is way too easy. These guys who have looked at it have said that this is, you know, you're not talking about going faster than the speed of light. You're talking about something that can be done. And not only that, a guy came out with an iPhone application, a $25 iPhone application that can take over your car.

Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Someone came out with an application for a cell phone that can take over a car. And one of the reasons why he talked about it, because he wanted to let people know, like, hey, look, I made this. Know that this is real, okay? I'm not trying to hurt anybody, but I want everybody to know that this is possible.

Talk about being able to steal a car really easily. Yeah, well, a car is a computer. And again, it sort of goes to what we were talking about, about one day there's going to be a point in time where money is not real. There's also going to be a point in time where objects aren't real either because there are computers and you're going to be able to control it all. It's like who's going to – This is really amazing. I never thought of that.

I'm literally looking at that Tesla. I want to get that electric car. Oh, that's the craziest. You should get a 1970 Porsche. Get an old car that can – I know. I'm going to be driving it because they're always updating that car. They're always downloading information into it, that Tesla, right?

Yeah. You want a car with a carburetor and no anti-lock brakes. It's six miles to the gallon? No. The old Porsche is not bad. It's a light car. What do you think? You know a lot about cars.

I love Tesla. It's a great car. Well, no. The issue, I mean, yes or no. You can't have it as your primary car, your only car. That's what I would get. Because if the shit hits the fan, you're stuck. Okay?

Gasoline is going to exist for a while. Right. Okay? Even if there's some sort of a pandemic, walking dead type scenario, you can be able to find at least pockets of gas. But the issue with these cars right now is twofold. One, there's not enough super stations. And what a super station is, you can go there and in 10 minutes they can charge you like 50%. It's pretty badass.

It only took like 10 minutes. The other way to do it, I think it's like, I think it's within 30 minutes or an hour. They get it up to like 90%. But then to get to that last, the extra 10%, it's quite a bit more. It's a pain in the dick, man. If you're just driving back and forth and you know you're going to park it in your house every night and commute, it goes about 300 miles. And that's good. That's fine. Like for LA traffic during the day, that's fine. It'll work. But if you want to go somewhere, like if you want to go to Vegas, you might not make it.

You're going to have to stop somewhere along the way and charge your car, and it might take a half an hour. I'm getting one because I go to Vegas twice a year. I'm getting a Tesla. Yeah. I mean, if you're not going to go to Yosemite, you're not going to drive up to San Francisco, yeah, yeah, I get it. It's a beautiful car.

It's a beautiful car. I interviewed Martine Rothblatt. I interviewed Martine Rothblatt. She is the woman who actually invented XM Radio, satellite radio, and had one of those things. I remember that. One of those Tesla things. I was like, ooh, this is badass. She's the one in the video for this new show that I'm doing. She has a robot made of her spouse. It's called Bina48.

Her wife's name is Bina. And she has this Bina48 robot that's a head that talks to you. It's connected to a computer. And you talk to it and ask it questions and it answers and responds. And it's like this is like one step further than the last one that she had, which is one step further than the previous one. one step further than the last one that she had, which is one step further than the previous one.

It's like she's slowly but surely updating these things until eventually it's a real robot. Like eventually it's not just going to be a robot of her spouse. It's going to be her spouse. Her spouse. Yeah. Interesting. It's an inevitability, but she had that badass Tesla. Yeah, I want to get that.

It's a wicked car, man. It's fast, too. It's weird fast because it all is like immediate and instant. It's like there's no gears. How long until the other car companies come along

and have their version of the Tesla? Because I think it's selling really well. Pretty sure. Why wouldn't you get it? They would, for sure. What Tesla figured out

was how to make a car that's electric doesn't look like a piece of shit. Right. They were the first ones with that... It's a bad-ass car. I'm not even in cars. piece of shit right they were the first ones with that badass car i'm not even in cars you know me i drive the lamest cars i actually want one well

that that sports car they have too is wicked that thing is fast yeah it's true but it's really rear weight biased because of all the lithium ion batteries in the trunk there's a lot of weight in the rear that's it that that right that sentence right there is a guy who knows cars it's very weight biased the lithium battery i'm like well you know porsches are rear by balanced um for the most part except for the caymans and boxsters which are actually the better designed cars they're they're in a really tricky situation because the 911 since the beginning when they first designed it they designed it with an engine that's hung out behind the rear wheels nobody else does that there's not another car that does that everybody else does either a mid-engine format,

which means that the engine is in front of the wheels, or it means it's in front of the front wheels. Yeah, which allows, you know, the weight in the front. That's a good 50-50 distribution way, to have the front-engine car. That's why, like, the Lexus LFA, that super-fast, crazy, hyped-up Lexus, that was a front-engine car.

The Corvette ZR1, that's a front-engine car. But a lot of the exotics, like Ferrari, mid-engine, the NSX, the Acura NSX, that was a mid-engine car. The Corvette ZR1, that's a front-engine car. But a lot of the exotics like Ferrari, mid-engine, the NSX, the Acura NSX, that was a mid-engine car for balance issues, just like the Cayman and the Boxster. But Porsche keeps their engine out back still. So they have to, like, engineer all these ways to avoid what's called lift throttle oversteer because of the fact that you have this weight in the back. As you're going around a corner, if you let off the brakes, brakes your front end comes up and then the ass end goes forward spins so you have to keep the front end down so you have to keep accelerating into a corner because you got this massive pendulum behind you so if you know how to use it it's wicked yeah so if you know how to use it you actually know how to accelerate our corners better you know how to like judge it engage it but not in that

fucking tesla okay you got a bunch of batteries back there and little skinny ass tires yeah it doesn't have like you know like if you look at a porsche like that my gt3 the rs those tires like 15 inches wide they're fucking giant in the back that is a right that right that's the car you have out there that's a race car yeah it is but that's the point. It's designed. It knows how to deal with this rear weight. I don't think the Tesla is that sporty as far as like... I think there's actually been tests. I think Chris Harris is one of my favorite automotive journalists. He does a lot of cool videos on cars.

They took a Tesla around a track and it was like sliding all over the place. Yeah. Well, I don't try. But I mean, what are you doing? Are you going on a track or are you just driving it around town? No, I'm just going to drive around town. And you're not even looking at that one. You're not looking at the little sports car one. No, I don't travel. But, I mean, what are you doing? Are you going on a track or are you just driving around town? I'm just going to drive around town. You're not even looking at that one. You're not looking at the little sports car one.

No, I'm looking at the big one. You're looking at the big one. Yeah, the big one's beautiful. Yeah. But there's only them and then there's the Karma, the Fisker Karma. But I think they went out of business. I think they did, yeah. Do you know what happened with them?

No. Listen to this. They had a gang of them parked on the docks when Hurricane Sandy hit. And the water came up really high and it flooded the docks. And so these cars got flooded and they exploded. They started exploding. And then they realized, oh, you just got this massive electrical power source. And water gets on it and it explodes.

Well, good thing we found out through Hurricane Sandy. Instead of driving through standing water. It's raining. Yeah. You could be driving through standing water and your fucking car would explode. Look at that. Those are those cars. They burnt to the ground.

Wow. Yeah, they exploded and burst. I think it was like 15 cars or something crazy like that. Does it say in the article how many cars? They lost a shitload of them. They all got wet and exploded. Speaking of explosive, watch how I change this. I have an explosive new show coming out.

No, not that. 16. I will be at the Schomburg Improv. No, but here's my question. Rory McDonald, Jake Allenberger. That's this weekend, son. What's your call? Chaos.

That's my call. Who the hell knows? Wicked. Those are two pit bulls, man. Yeah. Those are two elite of the elite. Yeah. Allenberger has a lot more experience with high-level competition, though.

He's fought Nate Marquardt, all kinds of guys. Oh, yeah. Knock Nate Marquardt silly. Yeah. You know, I mean, he's a beast. Jake Ellenberger is a fucking beast. Knocked out Jake Shields. Ellenberger is a motherfucker, man.

He hits hard. He's fast as shit. And the way he took out Nate Marquardt opened up a lot of people's eyes. He's real dangerous. How did he do that? I mean, Nate's such a killer. It's a real good question, especially when you look at Nate's previous fight. Well, the previous fight was not a good one.

He fought Tarek Safedine and lost his title, got leg kicked. Safedine just leg kicked the shit out of him. He just fought real smart. He didn't plan for that or something. Well, I don't think you could take it away from Safedine because I think he fought the worst case scenario fight when you're fighting like a really... What Safedine is is a very technical kickboxer he's very technical he does things the right way Marquardt is athletic and powerful and explosive but no disrespect to his

camp I don't think he's trained in the like the technical level of Safedine. Safedine was like a real professional kickboxer and his Muay Thai, his like his kickboxing is very much on point. And if you think you could eat leg kicks from a guy like that, you're mistaken. And there's a lot of guys that are real good that especially Mark Hart coming off of that fight with Tyron Woodley and Tyron Woodley is a motherfucker, right? So he knocks out Tyron Woodley with this video game combination of punches that looks just spectacular. He's on top of the world.

He thinks he's the crusher at 170. He's going to beat everyone's ass. And how is Safedine going to fuck with him? Well, Safedine just starts kicking that leg, man. Slowly but surely in a fifth-round fight. When he fought Jose Aldo, I remember watching, and I was there. Actually, I think I watched on, we did stand-up that night. And I watched Frankie Edgar get kicked a couple times

by that crazy Jose Aldo leg kick. And guess what he did? The third time, he dove into a double leg. He literally dove into that. Like, no hesitation. He's like, oh, you want to show that leg? And then guess what? Jose Aldo stopped leg kicking him.

I couldn't believe that. That's when I looked at Frankie Edgar. I was like, you are like, you're such a badass that you took that leg kick away. Because Jose Aldo ruins careers with that fucking leg kick. He does. If you stand in front of him. It's the evolution of the sport.

People are realizing that people used to always give me shit. That was one of the number one criticisms that I get from people, that I bring up leg kicks too much. Why isn't he leg kicking? Why isn't he leg kicking? Why isn't he leg kicking? It's because you've never been leg kicked.

If you've been leg kicked correctly, like, we're starting to see it slowly but surely, all these various techniques entering into MMA. Like, we didn't see nearly as many head kicks in the past, like the early days of MMA. No tech window, yeah. It was very rare. But now people are wheel kicking people and knocking people out. This is stuff that I've been calling for for the longest time. And it's not because I'm just looking for some unrealistic aspect of the sport to emerge. No, it's because they're super effective.

So you get a guy like Aldo that shows that in the fight with Uriah Faber. Perfect example. Uriah Faber, if you never followed it, for like weeks after that fight, he was fucked. I talked to him about it. His leg was twice the size, swollen up. He told me, he said, I thought I was going to faint. It hurt so badly, I thought I was going to faint in the ring. That's in the cage.

I'm sorry, Uriah, if I'm, yeah, he's so tough. Yeah, he's an animal. I don't know if that's exactly what he said when we talked about it. He used the word faint, and I was like, that's a warrior, that dude. A lot of people would have quit. Oh, Uriah Faber. You know, Uriah Faber, by the way, I make an argument. He broke both his hands on Mike Brown's head and kept fighting and was using his elbows.

He did it by the second round. He's the toughest son of a bitch. He had to fight rounds three, four, and five with two broken hands. He's such a badass. Yeah, he's a beast. What a beast. And Mike Brown's a fucking beast. Oh, Mike Brown's a monster. So imagine a fight, rounds three, four, and five with two broken hands. He's such a badass. Yeah, he's a beast. And Mike Brown's a fucking beast. So imagine being stuck in that guy. This is after the guy knocks you senseless and takes your

title in the previous fight. Forget it. And then you gotta fight the next fight with him with two broken hands. Good luck. Yeah. It's a tough man's sport. So Ellenberger and Roy McDonnell. Look, Roy McDonnell's a bad motherfucker, dude. He's a big boy, too. He's a bad motherfucker, dude.

He's a bad motherfucker. He's super technical. He's super technical and driven, and he's psycho. Yeah, he is, isn't he? Yeah, Roy McDonald definitely has a screw loose. He gets in his cage, and he just stares. Hey, he's real, man. That's what he is.

He's the real deal. He's a fucking killer. He's coming to get you. He's a killer. He's a killer. Yeah, they ain't playing no games. He's coming to get you. He's a killer. They ain't playing no games. He might not get you. You might be able to get him. He's going to get better.

If you do get him, he's going to go back to the drawing board and come back better. He's been got before by Carlos Condit. Carlos Condit beat him and stopped him. When he was younger. He came back after that and was even scarier. He calls out Carlos Condit. His lips are trembling and shit when he talks about Condit. And you're like, oh, Jesus.

That's another guy I have tremendous respect for, Carlos Condit. Condit, he's a beast. I think he's so good. He's so good. Yeah. The George St. Pierre fight, man. He almost got him. Hit him with that head kick.

He never loses his composure, man. Condit is very special. He's a very special fighter. He's tough as nails and he's always in shape. Like five round conditioning shape. The kid's just shape kids just stud yeah built like a tennis bro yeah he's not like the most athletic guy you know he doesn't move the quickest he doesn't have the most power you know he's just an animal smart he's a smart smart fighter never loses his cool tough as shit yeah but that roy mcdonald kid a cat's uh he's no joke there i mean this is the first time he's fought a guy like Ellenberger, though.

I mean, you've got to think, he beat the most impressive victories of his career, whether it's Nate Diaz. Nate is essentially a 155-pounder. Yeah. Or BJ Penn. BJ Penn was not just a 155-pounder. No, he's a 155. He was the 155 champion.

No, I know that. I'm saying he could probably suck now. No, no, no. No? No, no. He had a hard time making 155. That's why he stopped probably suck now. No, no, no. No? No, no. He had a hard time making 155. That's why he stopped doing it. Okay.

That's why he went up to 170. But, I mean, these guys are nothing compared to Ellenberger. Ellenberger is a legit 170, and he's a crusher. He's a scary 170. He's a 170 that puts guys in la-la land with one punch. So it's a really interesting fight. Very interesting. And what's really crazy is

although Ellenberger has definitely fought the higher competition at 170, Rory's actually ranked higher than him by a lot of people and is the favorite coming into this fight just based on talent alone. Based on people watching him take apart guys like Che Mills, take apart BJ Penn.

He's also like GSP's training partner and I believe I was going to say, correct me if I'm wrong, he said he also like GSP's training partner. And I believe Not anymore by the way. I was going to say correct me if I'm wrong he said he would fight GSP I believe, right? I think they stopped

training together. Yeah. Because he kind of alluded to the fact that he would be willing to fight GSP. I shouldn't say this

until I talked to both of them or either one of them because I haven't talked to them about this but what I've read recently is that he's been training on like the other side

of the gym. Is that like you know they realize that eventually they're going to fight. If this I mean I haven't talked to him about this. But what I've read recently is that he's been training on the other side of the gym. They realize that eventually... They're going to fight. He doesn't want to, but eventually. He said there's two guys he wouldn't fight, GSP and Weidman. Chris Weidman is also... There's a video of Rory and Weidman training together, but who knows

if that's even true. I think Weidman's bigger, isn't he? Oh yeah, he's 185. I mean, just his frame and everything. Not that much bigger. You watch the two of them spar together. It's kind of shocking. Really?

Rory's a big kid. He's a big kid. I think he, I mean, he walks around over 200 pounds before he starts his cut when he gets down to 170. He does it like, you know, when he's at 170, he's fucking shredded. I have a question. Because I've seen this guy train. Hector Lombard's going to suck down the 170.

What are you talking about? No, it's not a what are you talking about at all. How is he going to do that? He's so big. What are you talking about? He's not. He's 5'7". He's thick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's muscular. By the way, he should have been fighting at 170 his entire career. Really? Yeah, 100%. When you see a guy that is competing in a smaller organization and crushing people, and then you see him fight in the ufc and you see him start losing and he gets out muscled by big guys like tim bosch and you you know i

realize he's losing the yushin okami and you go oh i see what's going on you don't belong in that weight class wow like you're too small for that weight class that's so shocking to me it gives me so much more respect i've seen him training i was down at 18 he's an animal he's the biggest thickest guy i mean i looked at him before i knew I was down at ATT. Oh, he's an animal. He's the biggest, thickest guy. I mean, I looked at him before I knew him. You're saying crazy talk. He's 5'7". That's a 170-pound man's frame.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a thick guy. If you're that short, I guess you have to suck down because you don't have the length. When you talk, look at his build. That's ridiculous. By the way, another problem with a build like that is it makes for explosive power, no doubt about it.

But all that muscle requires fuel. You really shouldn't have that much bodybuilder muscle on your body. Because as a fighter, that's not helping you. It's not. That stuff's weighing you down. It's causing you to have this massive engine that you have to fuel. Especially a three-round or five-round fight. Five-rounders, especially.

For five-rounders, it's the big ones. Yeah, if you look at the best fighters, like the high-level five-round guys, they're in good shape, they're in great shape, but they never have that level of musculature. I mean, he's a thick fucking guy. He's going to fight Nate Marquardt. That's going to be... It's all crazy fight.

I can't wait to see that fight. Well, it's going to be interesting to see how he deals with the cut it's probably a reason why he fought at 185 and one of those some of the reasons some people just they don't perform well when they're dieting they don't perform well it's also it kills your confidence and training sure you start losing weight you start feeling weaker you start feeling like shit you want to eat you want to say fucking i'm going back up to 185 you know and it depends on how much weight is he going to actually cut. And has he done it before? Has he ever cut a shitload of weight right before a fight before?

Because a lot of these guys, the week of the fight, they're cutting like 20 pounds. Right. And a lot of it's water weight. They're dehydrating the shit out of themselves. They feel terrible. Some of them black out in the back room. We've seen guys that they had to get the fight cancelled because they cut too much weight and then they

fucking fall down and bang their head when they're back there talking to the doctor. It's not just happened once. The idea of someone being really sick before a fight has happened many times. 24 hours before you're supposed to go into a cage and throw kicks at each other and you can't even

walk. Yeah. You know? That people's lungs collapse, all kinds of weird shit. Oh, crazy shit. Yeah, that happened to Rory Markham. Rory Markham. Rory Markham when he fought Dan Hardy. Tried to get down to 170.

Yeah. And his lung collapsed. He was a big boy, too. Yeah, he was. One of those big country-fed, thick, five-foot-eleven-and-a-half fucking gorillas.

Rory is thick. I remember Pat Militich introduced me to him once a long time ago at the Hard Rock. He said, this is my best new up-and-coming 170. I was like, 170? Yeah. How is that guy 170? Like, that's a football player.

Ridiculous. Yeah. Well, how about Anthony Rumble Johnson sucking down? I did a movie with him. He's fighting heavyweight now. He was walking around at 230. Yeah. On the set of Warrior.

I was like, you're going to suck down to what? What did you say? Well, he fought Arlovsky. He beat Arlovsky as a heavyweight. Yes, he did. Oh, my God. He almost knocked him out in the first round. Wow.

Had Arlovsky staggered, broke his jaw, had him all fucked up in the first round. And Arlovsky managed to hang on and lose a decision. That's the one thing about when I watched Arlovsky and how athletic he was. He ultimately didn't seem to have the, he didn't really become the UFC fighter he was supposed, people thought he was going to be. Well, he was the champion. I mean, at one point in time, he was the scariest guy on the planet. Orlovsky, you know, he was knocking people out with one punch,

but then he lost to Tim Sylvia, and then he came back, and, you know, they fought again, and Sylvia beat him again. It's one of those things where you can only stay at the top for so long, and then it's the top in relationship to where the sport is at the moment. So in that moment, when Orlovsky was the UFC heavyweight champion, that's where the sport was. What the sport was, it was at this spot where this guy who was this big, super fast, athletic kickboxer with lightning quick reflexes was knocking guys like Paul Buentello silly. He was knocking guys silly as a heavyweight. He was a super athlete. He moved really well. But he started getting tagged. He lost a super athlete. He was really, like, moved really well. But he started getting tagged.

He lost a few by KO. And then he loses his confidence, and he starts getting KO'd on a regular basis. He gets KO'd by Fedor. He gets KO'd by a couple other guys, including guys that he's supposed to beat. And, you know, it becomes a real problem. Your confidence and everything else. Yeah, Brett Rogers KO's him in, in like the first 30 seconds of their fight just storms after him and kos him you know it's like he had like a real series of problems he was fighting

fedor and was like going fight punch for punch with fedor for most of the first round and then tries this crazy flying knee that felt that felt like a completely yeah that felt like a lack of confidence like he tried to rush the fight you know jumping into that i don't know i think it's then tries this crazy flying knee and gets knocked completely unconscious. Yeah, that felt like a lack of confidence. Like he tried to rush the fight, you know, jumping into that. I don't know. I don't think it's a lack of confidence. I think he just did something stupid. He just got crazy and he didn't respect the guy's power or he just took a wild chance.

Sometimes people take wild chances. Is Jon Jones going to go to heavyweight? He doesn't have to. He can fight at 205. He makes 205. I mean, I think he's a big kid. I think one day he's probably going to be the heavyweight. I shouldn't say heavyweight champion. I should say a heavyweight.

He's got to get through Cain Velasquez and some other guys. He's going to have to be a heavyweight. But it'll also be interesting when you see him fight as a heavyweight because how will he do against a really big guy that's naturally larger than him that that could never fight at 205 with and there are those guys like you know like shane carwin's a perfect example shane carwin ain't fighting 205 okay he's got fucking cinder blocks that he calls hands clunk clunk he's all his bones are giant and thick he's like an ogre dude you know it's like that's how he's built he's a giant are giant and thick. He's like an ogre dude.

That's how he's built. He's a giant motherfucker. Even when he's lean, he's like 250, something like that. He's a big fucking bone guy. He was 285. When I was hanging out with him on The Ultimate Fighter, he was 285. Yeah. But when you're seeing him, you're seeing him after years of football.

There's a picture of him. You're seeing him after years of football. Like there's a picture of him. You're seeing him after years of football. He had like serious back injuries, man. Yeah, yeah. He had a couple surgeries. You got to retire. On a podcast. Well, he has stenosis.

And stenosis is the short, the canal where like the nerves are, starts getting impinged. And the discs start degrading. And you start like getting numbness and serious, serious issue for, uh, for combat athletes. If you, you taking a lot of shots and you start, your discs start degenerating and you start getting numbness and losing like that's boss Rutan's issue as well. That's why he's had two neck surgeries and it's why he has one arm that's atrophied. It's all the, the nerves, you know, his, his nerves are getting impacted. They're getting smushed. They're getting cut off. There's all the nerves. His nerves are getting impacted. They're getting

smushed. They're getting cut off. There's nothing they can do about that. Oh, it's a fucking huge problem. You have surgeries and shit. I mean, people have surgeries where they try to do it au natural. They try to do it with yoga and stretching and try to, but they can't fight during that time. You have to retire. You have to retire and you have to stop fighting. And, you know, I think, think i mean carlin's got a family and uh i talked to him after his uh last surgery which about the one i don't know if he's had one since but the last surgery i talked to him about was like about a year and a half ago it was no it was a little over a year ago because it was at the ufc expo which just happened last you know a couple

weeks ago and uh he had just gotten out of the surgery and he's like i don't know when i'm going to be able to fight again you know i'm in training just gotten out of the surgery and he's like, I don't know when I'm going to be able to fight again. You know, I'm in training, I'm trying to get it together. He's like, but it's hard. Well, I just talked to him, um, recently. Um, and he, he, uh, about actually a week ago and he, um, you know, he's just adjusting to retirement. It's really hard for a guy like that who is, you know, king of the beasts to have to retire. And like, he's got a lot to go back to. He's got a family, he's an electrical engineer, he's got a career. But when I talked to him, he's on an oil field and he was looking around, he was doing some work. And it's a big transition, a big emotional transition for Shane, you know? Yeah, well, it has to, man. You know, it has to

be. It's really difficult to do, to transition from anything where you're a professional athlete with a finite career, whether it's basketball or baseball or football. They all go through it. They all go through it. But for combat athletes, it's even harder because a lot of times when you're going through it, your body is just done when it's over. You're done. I mean, you have, like, some serious fucking problems. You know, all these guys are getting their knees fixed and their back fixed, and it's like...

You can't train that hard all the time. I'm sorry, but your body is made of cartilage and bone, and it grinds away, man. And there's so many fighters that have, like, artificial discs or discs that are fused. Yeah, we went to Metamorris. There was that guy who won his match. Braulio Estima.

And he's got a... He's got an artificial disc in his neck. Yeah, it's like a titanium disc. Have they ever done that? Have they ever done that? That's crazy. Yes, they do it in Europe. They don't do it in America,

but they do it in Europe. Wow. At least I don't think they do it in America. And how does that... How does he find that... I guess he looked tough to me, man. He's still a bad motherfucker. Yeah.

Even with his disc. I mean, he trains really hard, and I know he wins world championships, and he beats, like, top, top, top-level guys with that disc. I like that community, that jiu-jitsu community. I had a really good feeling being at Metamorris. That community is—maybe it's a Brazilian thing. I just like them. They just seem like a tight group.

Well, we've talked about this on the podcast before. The people that do jiu-jitsu and get really good at jiu-jitsu, they have healthy egos because you have to tap out on a regular basis. You have to. Unless you're Hicks and Gracie and no one's tapped you since 1980, you're getting tapped out on a regular basis. It's just a part of the game. You're going in there. You're rolling with Bill Cooper and Salo Hibero, and you're rolling with a bunch of savages.

They're strangling you, and that's part's part of jujitsu, you know. You get tapped. I mean, I've been tapped by blue belts. You put yourself in a bad position, somebody catches something. If you're dumb, you know, you don't tap and then you get your arm broken. Right. Because guess what? A 200-pound man who's a blue belt who catches an arm bar correctly.

It's going to break your arm. And if you're tired and, you know, it gets full extension, you have to fucking tap. Damn right. It's what it is. It's what it is. It is what it is. And when you're doing that on a high level for a long time, you get a healthy ego because you're always getting your ass kicked. You get your ass handed to you in training, especially when you do those drills where you do a 10th planet. We'll do like nine minutes of live sparring, and then you have 30 seconds rest or a minute rest, rather, where everybody grabs a drink, and then you go to the next person for nine minutes.

In two persons, you're doing 18 minutes of hand-to-hand fucking combat. That's a lot of fighting. You're going to get tapped. Yeah. You're just going to get tapped. Unless you're the best guy, unless you're Eddie Bravo or one of the best. And even Eddie gets tapped occasionally if he goes with his black belts or his brown belts maybe even. When you're doing it on a regular basis and you're tired, you're going to get fucking tapped.

And if you don't do it on a regular basis and tired, then you're not going to know the proper defense. You're not going to know how to handle yourself and defend yourself when you're in a shitty situation. Watching Aiko get tapped by… Aoki. Aoki, I mean. By Kron Gracie? Yeah, and you could see the disappointment on his face because he's so good and everything else but it was just uh you know it's like it happens to everybody

you make one mistake one mistake see ya yeah a guy like cron he gets a hold of your neck that's a wrap he's not gonna let it go i guess he's trained by the master yeah you know by the master and he's legit i mean he's he's going to all, like, he trains with all the best guys on a regular basis. He's constantly got killers going to his gym. I mean, he's competing on a high level on a regular basis. Yeah, I think it was Henner who said, when he rolls with Kron, he said he's fighting for his life a lot of times. Nobody puts him through the ringer like that guy. Henner's big.

When your dad is Hickson fucking Gracie, just think about the amount of knowledge that he must have relayed to his son. Yeah. If you don't know jiu-jitsu, Hickson Gracie is like, there's not a whole lot of sports where there's one guy who's universally recognized as the motherfucker. Right. It's like the motherfucker of motherfuckers when it comes to jiu-jitsu is hicks and gracie because if you talk to anybody if you talk to hoist gracie if you talk to you know any of these guys and this is going on by the way by the way by the way in 1993 when the ufc was at first he said when hoist was beating everybody in UFC 1, he was like, you should see my brother Hickson.

My brother Hickson kills me. And he used to talk about that. The moment somebody beats me, you're in trouble because then my brother Hickson is going to join. I remember it. Dude, Hickson, if you watch the early days of the UFC, he was fighting in Japan, Valley Tudor. You want to see a documentary that'll get you into jujitsu? Choke. Choke. You and I watched it together. Wicked documentary. You and I watched that together. We were so quiet. We were so, I think we went out to dinner

afterwards and we were both so, we were so awed and quiet. I remember you went where he was talking about how fear and intelligence are closely related. And you went like this, you just, you couldn't help yourself. So then you went, listen to what he's saying, related. And you went like this. You couldn't help yourself. So you went, listen to what he's saying, man. And I was like, I am. I haven't said a thing, dude. You didn't have to shout at me. We were both so bunched up about it.

And by the way, stud. Just by the way, how handsome is he? How about his yoga? Oh, forget it. Incredible flexibility. In a Speedo, by the way, in Malibu. You said, by the way, five more times. Yeah, I don't care. You don't care. Because Hickson brings out the by the way in me.ibu. He said, by the way, five more times. Yeah, I don't care. You don't care.

Because Hickson brings out the by the way in me. I got to pee right now. Go ahead and pee. It's amazing when there's one guy like that, though, that stands out. And I think one of the things, go ahead and pee. I'll keep talking as if you were here. We'll talk about everything. Go pee.

One of the things about a guy like Hickson that's so fascinating is that what separates him from everybody else is not just his physicality. Like he's obviously very physical. He's got great flexibility. He's obviously very strong. If you looked at the old videos of Hoist Gracie when Hoist won the UFC, one of the things about Hoist that was so impressive was that he wasn't a physically imposing guy. Hoist was like 175 pounds he was very thin and he didn't have big muscles hickson on the other hand is built like a greek god so it's not he's not like muscular like say like a george saint pierre it was like more like

a gymnast or something that doesn't make any sense because george is kind of built like a gymnast but he was like a little bit less muscular. But he's a strong looking dude, like very obvious. But his thing was also the mind and also yoga. It wasn't just his technique and his physicality. It was also the fact that he was like doing steroids and running hills and shit with weights on their back and doing all this, you know, all these different kinds of bodybuilding sort of things. Hickson's doing this weird thing with his stomach where he's sucking in his diaphragm, doing this yoga breathing technique that's really freaky to watch where he can pull his stomach in and control his breath in this really astounding way he's also insanely flexible you know like in every

single way in every single position and is his yoga is like one of the more unique aspects of him as a martial artist because he can move in such strange ways because of the yoga. Like it's very rare that you get a guy who's really strong and really flexible. And that's what he was. On top of that, his fucking dad was Elio Gracie, who was maybe the most important man in the history of martial arts. You're talking about a guy who, Jesus, I mean, he was doing these jiu-jitsu matches in the 1940s. He was learning these techniques that were taught to him by Maeda, by these Japanese judo guys. Fought this guy Kimura, which is where that famous shoulder lock is named, the Kimura

shoulder lock. He fought Elio Gracie, and Elio let the guy break his arm instead of tapping. That's how badass he is. Imagine growing up, and that's your dad. Your dad decides to let some guy snap his arm in a chicken wing because he doesn't want to tap. So he learned how to do small man jiu-jitsu. He changed jiu-jitsu because he was a little guy.

He was only like 140 pounds. So because of that, he was scrapping with all these big dudes. He had to what he called cook them. He had to let them cook. He couldn't just eat them raw. He had to slowly tire these bitches out. He called them cooking them? He called them cooking them. He had to slowly tire them out. So he developed like a very extensive repertoire of techniques to use from the guard, and he also developed the concept of protecting yourself in a real self-defense situation. Elio Gracie, long before the UFC, was putting himself in these valetudo matches where he would go out there and just duke it out with dudes,

and they'd put on these events in Brazil. And he would have these fights with guys. And then his cousin, Carlos, well, there was a bunch of different, there was his brother. Carlson. Carlson Gracie was his cousin. And Carlson Gracie became like the most winningest guy. He was a bigger, stronger guy. And he came in and beat some of the guys that Elio couldn't beat. But Elio developed like not just a system of jiu-jitsu, but a series of killers that were sons. I mean, his sons are Halston Gracie, Horian Gracie, Hoist Gracie, Hickson Gracie, Hoyler Gracie.

I mean, there's never been a motherfucker ever who developed that many killers as sons. And then those guys go off and branch out, out into the world and spread jiu-jitsu. The most astounding family in the history of martial arts bar none. Bar none is the Gracie family. They changed they changed it all. They changed they brought the truth to it you know what I mean

all of a sudden all your Kung Fu and everything is no good in here my friend. And it boils down in my opinion all to the Grandmaster cause it was Carlos for sure. Carlos Gracie was also very important in the development of it. But Elio was out there duking it out with guys. And he was small.

He was a small guy. And because of that and because of the impact of his sons, I think he's like the most important figure in the history of martial arts. I would argue that that's true. I don't think there's any denying. Once the UFC came along and his son, who wasn't even the best one,

was killing everybody, he sent in his son that wasn't even the best one. Isn't that incredible? Isn't that incredible? I remember him being this wrestling wizard and I was watching him.

I was watching him going, that doesn't look like, I don't know, it looks like kind of bad wrestling. I don't really get it. Well, you let guys take him down. Fight off his back. Remember he fought Dan Severin?

Dan Severin, 250 fucking pound giant wrestler. All of them. Awesome takedown. And he gets caught at Triangle by this little skinny guy. Choking Ken Tramrock and this weird thing. Yeah, the weird, he got him with a gi choke. Choked him with his gi. Yeah, look, Hoist Gracie was, that was an important moment for martial arts. And it was the first

time, also, that we realized Gracie was, that was an important moment for martial arts. And it was the first time also that we realized that, like, in the movies, it was always a little dude with skill that was beating the fuck out of all these guys. It was always Bruce Lee that was small but fast as fuck and using his martial arts to defeat much larger Samo Hung looking dudes. You know, or who was the guy with the big muscles? Bolo. Bolo, yeah, Bolo Young, right? So, you know, and Chuck Norris. Remember the big muscles bolo bolo yeah bolo young right so you know and chuck norris remember when chuck norris and him duked it out chuck norris is bigger and stronger and bruce lee fucked him up but in the real world that didn't really happen that often in the real world those big guys sort of got a hold of you and beat your fucking head in opalp

that's more of what most of us saw on a regular basis so then when you have the craziest event in the history of martial arts this this cage fighting event where you're going to lock all these different styles in and find out who's the best. The odds that this one really technical small guy was going to win, they were astronomical as far as the martial arts community was concerned. They thought that the biggest karate guy was going to win. Of course. The biggest guy who can kick and punch harder. A lot of guys who were karate guys thought they were going to win because they'd never been tested. A lot of guys

like judo guys in there, karate kung fu guys would get in there, Krav Maga guys, and they actually believed because they'd been training so long that they were going to win until all of a sudden they'd get caught in these weird jokes, arm bars, punch in the face. It was just a whole different thing.

Well, this is how little they knew about it. When guys got into certain positions, it got to a point where guys got into certain positions, they thought there was no escape in those positions, so they would just tap out. When Remco Pardo, who was like a really tough guy, fought Marco Huas, all Marco Huas did was mount him.

Marco mounted him and was like, well, basically the fight's over. So he taps. He taps and Marco mounts him. That's like a regular basic, that happens all the time in high-level fights. Think about Anderson Selle's first round with Chael Sonnen. Chael mounted him for most of the first round in the second fight. And then in the second round, he came back and stopped him and knocked him out.

The idea that a guy mounts you and the fight's over. That's how much MMA and that's how much jiu-jitsu has come along since the early 1990s. We know that Anderson's going to fight Chris Weidman again. Yes, it's going to be December 28th. You coming? I'm definitely coming. I'm doing the mirage the night before. I'm coming. Count me in.

But the thing is that you did see how dominant Anderson was when he got into Chris's head. And then to fool around to that extent was just so well i wouldn't say he was he was dominant he was definitely hitting weidman and he was hitting with a lot of leg kicks that was the big issue and that was one thing that john donahue was concerned about i talked to don her after the fight so this is how much of a mastermind john donahue is he's the jujitsu coach. I love John, by the way. He's a brilliant guy. But right after Weidman just

knocks out Anderson. I go up to him and I go, congratulations. And he goes, I'm very concerned about the amount of leg kicks he was taking. He just knocked out Anderson. Inside the octagon, he was thinking, even the most spectacular result possible, knocked out Anderson Silva. and he's like,

I'm not happy with the amount of leg kicks he was taking. He wasn't defending the leg kicks correctly. Like, this guy's, like, on it. As well he should be. You have to be. In that game, there can't be any, you're the best, kid! No one's ever going to beat you!

He recognizes, like, this played out great, but we got an issue. Because Anderson Silva seems to be able to see everything you're doing. It's going to be real interesting to see what happens in the second fight. It's going to be interesting to see if Anderson showboats it all again. It's going to be interesting to see how Weidman approaches it, how confident he is now. Weidman's getting better all the time. The fact that he knocked out Anderson Silva in his 10th fucking professional fight is insane.

It's also a testament to Anderson Silva fucking around. Not really, because Weidman had him down on the ground and had him in a heel hook long before that. What's going to happen in the second fight? What if Weidman is six inches further down the knee when he wraps up that heel hook? And what if he uses the legs properly next time and laces them differently and locks up his hips

so that he can't roll out of it and then rips his knee apart. Hussamar Paul Hares style. I would tell you this. I would tell you this. Anderson's met and dealt with wrestlers that are probably as good or better than Weidman. No, you're wrong. You're wrong. Chelson? You're wrong. Weidman's better. Chelson's not as good a wrestler as Weidman?

Weidman's better. Weidman's a freestyle wrestler. Weidman's better. Four-time All-American. Not only that, not only is he better, he's bigger and faster and scarier because he's got vicious knockout power, which is what Chael Sonnen never had. Because he knocked out Uriah Hall, that kid who was the standout in the Ultimate Fighter, the one by wheel kick, the last Ultimate Fighter. He knocked that guy out with a left hook, the same left hook that he knocked out Anderson with. He knocks people out.

He knocked out Munoz with an elbow. He smashes people. He also puts people to sleep. You can't take anything away from that kid. He won that fight because Anderson Silva fucked up and he didn't respect him. He dropped his hands and he got clipped. But Weidman still won that fight. There's a

lot of fucking people that have been in that same situation. Wouldn't have been able to do shit. He been able to do shit. He was able to do shit because he's a... Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Goddamn motivated. There's nobody like Anderson Silva. He's just so far and away better than it seems. I don't know how he does it. It's the craziest thing to me. He's just a very good athlete. He's incredible at what he does.

He's been doing it forever. He's a master at Muay Thai, a master at Jiu Jitsu. He's a master at MMA. He's a master. But he's still lost. There's a beautiful lesson in there for fighters. There's a beautiful lesson about human beings.

Even the greatest ever. If you clip him on the chin, he's going out. He's going out. That's just how it is. If you clip him on the chin, he's going out. We ran out of time, man. Fucking show's over. Thanks for having me, buddy.

You're the best. I love you. Love you. We're going November. Schaumburg Improv this weekend. Please come. And then November, we're on Meat Eater again. I can't wait, dude. We're going November. Schaumburg Improv this weekend. Please come. And then November, we're on Meat Eater again. I can't wait, dude.

Do another episode. We're hunters now. When are we doing it? We're doing Toronto the 19th. The 19th. 19th? September 19th. I'm excited.

Yeah. Callan and I are doing, I don't know what the fuck it's called, the Sony something or something in Toronto. What is it called? Did I tell you already? Whatever it is. Whatever it is. You'll find it.

It's almost sold out, though. I should tell you that. It's, I think last time I checked, it? Whatever it is. Whatever it is. You'll find it. It's almost sold out, though. I should tell you that. It's, I think last time I checked, it was like three quarters. It's only been on sale for like a week. But it's already like three quarters sold out. Or at least half sold out or something. It's the Sony Center for the Performing Arts. I fucking love Toronto.

It's one of my favorite places to go. Oh, they updated it. Okay. There's still some tickets left. The Sony Center is a new place. I usually do Massey Hall, but that's the same week as Just for Laughs, the festival they have up there.

Canada's just... Everybody loves to come to Canada. I love Canada. I love performing in Canada. It's so much fun. I'm doing Calgary in November. October. BrianCallen.com C-A-L-L-E-N.com. And follow him on Twitter because every time I look at his Twitter numbers,

I get sad. And Brian Callen. Brian Callen Show. Are you on the Twitter all the time? Are you tweeting all the time? Yeah. I'm just not. Staying on top of that shit?

My podcast I've been doing, thanks to you, I think I've got 75 episodes now. Beautiful. I'm getting great guests, so Brian Callen Show. Yeah, it's So, yeah, it's a fun podcast. It's a fun podcast. You do get a lot of interesting motherfuckers on it too.

Thanks to Joe Rogan. Well, it's, you know, it's not, you look, it's thanks to all these people that we're sort of connected to online. We're all sort of connected to all these interesting people that are willing to now do the show and then you get more and then you help them.

I just want, my job is just to inspire. I just want to take young people and show them that there's a world out there of people who can teach you stuff. I'm getting a sleep expert on. I just love doing it. I think I'm getting Jared Diamond on who won a Pulitzer Prize for

Guns, Germs, and Steel. What I'm realizing is all these guys who write these great books are sitting around in a room writing and they like to talk to people. And they don't get a chance to as much. Right. Why wouldn't they want to teach people like me? I learn every time I do something. Go check it out, you fucks.

My new show airs tomorrow night, which is the 24th of July on the Sci-Fi Channel, and it's called Joe Rogan Questions Everything, and Duncan Trussell is in the first episode with me. He goes looking for Bigfoot with me. And Ari Shaffir did some episodes as well. So I'm bringing in a lot of my friends. We're going to have some fun.

Brian Cowan will, I'm sure, eventually do one. You will. I love you, buddy. All right. Thank you, everybody. We will see you tomorrow with Duncan Trussell. He'll be on tomorrow. And thanks to, oh, tomorrow night we're at the Ice House,

if you get this. We're having like a little party at the Ice House doing a little stand-up comedy show. It's so far Tom Segura, Duncan Trussell, Brian Redband, me, and I'm sure some other people will be there too. We always have a big show at the Ice House in Pasadena because we love them. Squarespace.com. Go use the code word Joe and the number seven. That's one word, Joe, and the number seven,

and you will save yourself 10%, you dirty freaks. Squarespace is all you need to build a badass, motherfucking website easily. You can do it. I can do it. Everybody can do it.

Thanks also to Onnit.com. Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogan and stick it right up your pooper. How about that? Huh? Huh? How about that?

Stick it up your pooper. And then you save some money. No, you put it up your butt and you save 10%. All right. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Thank you for all the love. Thank you for all the links on Twitter. All the shit that you guys send me.

It is the coolest connection. I just love the fact that it's this massive resource of information and cool videos and clips and websites. And I can't say it enough. I say it all the time, but I can't say it enough. I love you guys. I appreciate the fuck out of you. Thank you very much. See you soon.