The Joe Rogan Experience - #386 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz

Episode Date: August 27, 2013

Joey "CoCo" Diaz is a Cuban-American stand up comedian and actor. Joey also hosts his own podcast called "The Church of What's Happening Now" available on Spotify.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, Joey motherfucking Diaz, fresh off the road, killing him in D.C., taking it nationwide. Joey Diaz no longer stationary, constantly on the move now. Got no choice, brother. You're on the move, dog.

Got no choice. And then we're going to Milwaukee, and I'm fucking excited. I'm going to get some good spaghetti. Yeah. A good Italian neighborhood over there. Joe, you're killing them out there, man. You're killing them. We're trying, brother.

You know, this was the plan 12 years ago, and finally, you know, it ain't no. Listen, man, when you're there and you put the work in, it becomes easy, and you're enjoying it. Yeah, you're definitely. You can't wait to fucking stay. You can't wait to go out and try that new joke anymore, that new delivery. You know, you're a black belt in comedy. It's a fun thing to do now, yeah. Very fun.

You know, it's funny because I went from the two fucking tremendous shows we did in Boston, which. Those were amazing. Listen, man. You don't ever want to bomb in Boston. No. For me, that's the end of everything. That's Aerosmith. That's the end of everything That's Aerosmith That's Dane Cook

That's a lot of fun Lenny Clark There's so much tradition I remember the first time I played Andover To me I went to the store That like

All those guys from Boston What was the The Taekwondo guy That also had sleep apnea All your little friends Leroy Leroy Rodriguez No no no

The comedian from Boston He had long hair And he'd play a character Oh yeah God damn it man Those guys got me at Boston. He had long hair and he'd play a character. Oh, yeah. God damn it, man. Those guys got me at the clubs. He had a vampire. What the fuck is his name?

Oh, my God. Oh, he's going to kill me. I'm sorry, dog. He was a great guy. Yeah, they were all your buddies. Oh, yeah. And they were like, dog, you ever play Boston? I'm like, nah.

They're like, we'll get you in there. So they got me into the Comedy Connection on Mondays, the open mic with the kid who died, Kevin Fitzgerald or whatever his name was. You know, that's Kevin Fitzgerald in Denver. Kevin, he was friends with our friend McGuire, a mutual buddy. He died of cancer. Oh, Kevin Knox, yeah.

Kevin Knox on Mondays. They introduced me to him. So I became a part of this thing. I would do Andover, the Aku Aku, and I was never good enough to play Boston. I would get to do The Connection on Monday nights. And that's like having a fucking stripe in comedy, when you get to play Boston, I would get to do The Connection on Monday nights. And that's like having a fucking stripe in comedy, when you get to play

Boston and they accept you into that community. So I knew before I went to Boston that we got to do as many sets as I could to tighten my shit up. We didn't go to Boston unprepared. It was me, you, and Ari. You know, I mean, it was just a fucking perfect night. It was funny how the next day, I had to go to a summer jam up in San Jose

with Russell Peters, who was a pleasure to fucking see, and Angela Johnson and all those guys. And I didn't really get across. I was burnt out from the Boston shows. Like, I put all the energy I had to those two fucking shows, to Wilbur Theda, which was great. It was a great thing that I left, and Chael Sonnen won, and Fox won fucking sports, the whole thing. The dude's name was dom wasn't it hit me what was his last name god damn it it's driving me crazy dominic he just hit me up and you up about sleep apnea he wanted to go take a test about a year ago i can't believe i

can't remember his name i ran out of room i ran out of room for names it's no disrespect people don't understand that like the attorney that was the... Dominic Figg. Dominic Figg. Dominic Figg. What was the nice gay kid? Thank you. I was so worried I was going to not remember his name. What was the nice gay kid that went to Chris McGuire's house to eat dinner, and your name

came up, and there was two gay guys at the table, and they go, he doesn't like Joe Rogan. He goes, why not? He goes, he called Princess Diana a cunt. And they all went... They all went they all went oh my god it was horrible that's hilarious those were great times and those guys from Boston took me

and they would take me up there so then I went to San Jose then I went to DC and that was really the first time I used to do like headliners in Tyson's Corner for years I used to fly into Dulles. This is the first time I was in the city, and it was an experience because I tell you what, if I would have gone five years ago, guys, I would have bombed this weekend.

Really? Why do you say that? Because I learned how to control more. You know, you learn and, you know, it's so funny how we put ourselves out there where you never did. I didn't have a choice. They would tell me to ask me to headline, and I would go up there with stupid fucking jokes. And you would headline, and you'd have the time, but you weren't really a headliner.

And it's true. When people start to come to see you, it makes you work a little harder. Like, every time you see them, you want to have new material or a new flow to you. So I had never been there, and I sharpened up this week, and I went there. And I'll tell you, they were very politically correct.

The city of D.C., downtown, hey man, it's the nation's fucking capital. You know what I'm saying? I'm talking about weed under my nuts. You know, you can't do that. But they took the ride. And as far as the club, the fucking D.C.

improv is tits. The staff, the fucking, the Spanish bartenders, I mean the whole fucking deal is just a great little club. I had the fucking D.C. improv is tits. The staff, the fucking Spanish bartenders, I mean, the whole fucking deal is just a great little club. I had the burrito one night. Just the whole experience. The city of Washington, D.C., I had the best chicken teriyaki and white tuna I've had the last 20 fucking years.

I've done theaters there before a couple different times, but I never did the improv before recently. I did it with Callen. Yeah, I just stopped there. Let's go back. Let's go back for a week, three nights. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What, there? You want to go back there? Yeah, yeah, let's go back. It's a great place. We have a lot of good people there. I went to a lot of places here where Dead Squad usually doesn't go. I'll tell you what place

really blew my fucking mind. They're ready to kill people. Where? Salt Lake City. Really? The Mormons are ready, dog. They ain't fucking around. Louisville, Kentucky. They're ready. kill people Salt Lake City Really? The Mormons are ready, dog They ain't fucking around Louisville, Kentucky

They're ready They'll come down No, I went to Lexington The home of University of Kentucky I had a great summer Going to these places That were oddball But I wanted to see

What was out there Who was listening To the fucking pop People were driving Six, seven hours People driving Six, seven hours I did that

The Louisville place Tremendous Yeah, with Segura No, with Duncan six, seven hours. I did that at the Louisville place with Duncan. Tremendous. Yeah, with Segura. No, with Duncan. Tremendous. Maybe I did it with Segura, too. Yeah, Segura, too. Did I do it twice?

I think I did one night and a weekend or something like that. I'm going back to Nashville this year. I can't wait. Oh, Nashville's great. Nashville's great. Is Utah really that crazy? I mean, are people crazy out there? Yeah.

I mean, like the people out there. They're coming. I'm thinking of doing- Oh, what you mean is like, are they like crazy Mormon? Yeah. I mean, like, the people out there. They're coming. I'm thinking of doing. Oh, what you mean is, like, are they, like, crazy Mormon? Yeah. I mean, are they already there? Yeah, but that's Mormon. Joe, did you see this map?

It's kind of like what you've talked about. It's of all the porn searches they just released. Pornhub did it. And, of course, what you used to always say, the South, Ebony. Yeah. It's all Ebony. But Utah, blank. And somebody, people are saying it's because child porn is the number one.

What? Well, Utah is blank. That's weird. It's like one of the few states where there's no downloads of porn. Right. Wow, look at Maine. Look at like Vermont. Yeah.

They just gave up. Asian, California. I don't know what Anita Queen is. Do you know what Anita Queen is? No. Never even heard of that. What is this website that you're going to? This is Gizmodo.

And it's based off statistics given by Pornhub. Cream Pie is Florida. Teen is Texas. What's that noise? You're not hearing that? No. I hear some crazy feedback. Cream Pie was a lot more popular than imagined.

Cream Pie is like number one. Yeah, imagined. Cream Pie is like number one. Yeah, I think Cream Pie is probably number one and Teen is probably number two. Well, because people like to come into people. Yeah. Cream Pie. No, like most of them are Cream Pies. Well, that's what people like, I think. Let me look at this.

I don't know what the map looks like. You know, I heard that Al Franken can draw the map. Like you could get Al Franken up to a chalkboard, and he could just draw the map for you. And I was kind of, like, sad. Because I was like, I can't. Yeah, I have no idea where you're going. Like, I'm looking at these things, okay, because it's just cream pie, cream pie. They're, like, listing Texas' teen, which is fucking creepy, man.

That shit's creepy. Ohio's milf cream pie. So not just cream pie, it's old cream pie yeah this is milk this is weird man it's weird how california is dominated by asian look at that number one asian boom head of the times and the average visits well i don't understand that do you get that average number of visits duration the duration, the average for the people in California was like on the darker end. Yeah. But not as dark as fucking like, look at Georgia.

Yeah. And it's teen. Yep. Ebony has the longest. So you can go into a store and say, I want teen porn and they'll sell it to you? Yeah. Like two kids fucking like 16? No, it's like 18.

No, no. They're like 18 or 19 or something like that and that's the idea but you're going to and get like asian porn like a white dude fucking a chinese chick oh yeah online you get that stuff yeah yeah you just say it's like that's impossible that's like so standard there's it's weird how there's like standard like categories of porn you know like, like DP. That's a category. What's DP? Double penetration. That's like normal.

Where we're like, one's the ass, one's the vagina. It's so passe. It's so passe that it's its own category. It's disgusting. It's not just once.

Not just a couple crazy people got together and listened to it. One in her ass and one in the vagina. Yeah, double penetration. Two dudes right in her ass all like that together.

Hey, listen. If you're a chick and you love dick, tell me that like that, together. Hey, listen. If you're a chick and you love dick, tell me that wouldn't be amazing. No, it wouldn't. No, it wouldn't. The problem is that it's on video and everyone's going to know. But the reality, if you're a girl, if you like anal sex, I don't know if girls like it. But if you do like it, and then you like me, it varies. But if you do like it and you like it in your box as well, I mean, take away society standards, and that would be, like, super awesome.

If you had, like, Ashton Kutcher in your butt and Brad Pitt in your box, I mean, if you were a gal, you'd be so happy. But it would be like, you know, Ashton, get out of there. You're gobbling it all up. Save me some. Why would you want – That's not – Wouldn't you rather have Brad Pitt in there? Why would you share it with Ashton? Well, because you're a freak would you want that's not wouldn't you rather have brad pitt in there

why you share it with ashton well because you're a freak and you want it all she has no limitations to her freakness i have no idea what this anita porn is like when i google it like that once uh state was uh uh nevada it's just anita queen is what the kind of porn is called i can't figure out what it is. Anita Queen? I don't understand a word of what you're saying. Alright, so like, see here? Asian is California. Anita Queen is

the... Oh, that's the style of porn? Yeah, and when I look it up it looks like it's like pageant porn or something. What? I don't know. Oh, that actually is interesting. That was a category of like, you've won the pageant porn or something. What? I don't know. Oh, that actually is interesting. That was a category of like, you've won the pageant, I'll suck it, you dirty bitch.

Like, yeah, you got the queen. You took down the number one gal. No, that's a weird thing, isn't it? It's weird. Well, it's hard. The categories are weird. Like that some dudes like only jerk off to anal. They're just like,

they can't wait to see some more butt porn. Yeah, put it where you're not supposed to. Woo! You know? Like, what the fuck, man? It's weird how that's actually like a category. Yeah, I find myself going into weird categories a lot lately just to mix it up.

Kind of like when you drink the same alcohol for so long, you're like, oh, I'm going to try something different. I've been like black chicks getting fucked by big white guys. Is there a lot of that? Yeah, there's tons of that. So black chicks getting fucked by big white guys. Is there a lot of that? Yeah, there's tons of that. So black chicks getting dominated by white guys with big dicks? Yeah, huge dicks.

So it's like some like, look at this black guy. Yeah. In your face, buddy. Yeah, look at my giant white pecker. Then have them sprint to the girl. How about that? The first guy who gets there

gets to fuck her. Be a bunch of white guys jacking off Going, oh, come on Come on, black guy Did you hear this? The sex industry closed down because of AIDS again Yes, I did hear about that And the chick, that boner guy

That chick that did a porn With Weiner Anthony Weiner, who's a politician Yeah, she actually did a movie with a guy that has the... Yeah, I read that. She did a movie. Well, the guy was exposed to HIV. He had sex with the girl who had contacted HIV.

He had sex with her. But allegedly, from what I've read, it's not that easy to transmit from HIV from a woman to a man. That it's much easier for a man to a woman because the man injects fluids into the body so I Don't know if that's true though. Obviously. I'm not a doctor But like Tommy Morrison is It's supposed to like really sick with AIDS now like he has full-blown AIDS and they did a story about it recently

Somebody posted it on the underground and it was it's really fucking sad. I mean he's dying He's on like life support system. Essentially. full-blown aids you know and he they say he got it from a girl you know i mean i it might be possible i do not know you know i've heard like obviously that's what you always hear it's not possible for a guy to get it from a girl you always hear that but i don't know if that's anything else unless he put it got it from a needle he could have got it from a girl. You always hear that. But I don't know if that's... I don't think he did anything else unless he got it from a needle. He could have got it from a needle. A needle. That's the obvious fucking choice.

Well, we were talking about that yesterday with Dwayne Ludwig. We were talking about fighters and pills and pain relief and, you know, fucking, what relieves pain better than heroin? I mean, is there anything? Right?

So for a lot of fighters, they might have started shooting up because the heroin, like, relieving the pain for them was so effective. They don't want to do it that way. Those opiates, that's what it's about. Getting used to needles in general. Well, you know what? If you're a fighter and you're used to getting punched in the face,

get your face stitched up, needles are not going to freak you out. You ain't worried about fucking needles when stitches putting your nose back together in the second round and you're going back out to fight another two fucking rounds or three fucking rounds yeah you do fucking five rounds with ray mercer and get ko'd into the ropes like he did did you ever see that no tommy morrison getting knocked out by ray mercer is one of the most frightening knockouts i've ever seen in my life because well first of all, it's frightening because Ray Mercer was a murderous puncher.

But it was hilarious for me because I had this friend that would always root for white guys. He would fucking, he wanted white guys to win boxing matches so bad. He never wanted it to be the best fighter. He always wanted it to be the white fighter. So, like, he rooted for Jerry Cooney.

And so he got hit here and Ray Mercer just unloads on him. to be the best fighter. He always wanted to be the white fighter. So he rooted for Jerry Cooney. So he got hit here and Ray Marcer just unloads on him. And he gets caught in the ropes though. Look at this. He's caught in the ropes and Ray Marcer's teeing off him. That's terrible quality. Is there a better quality version of that where you can see it smooth?

Because it was so choppy. But anyway, it was a frightening, frightening knockout. But once you've done that you can shoot heroin and that's 235 pa listen bro that once you have that pain and that pain doesn't fucking go away and that little needle knocks it away listen to all those people stories that's how it started you know that's how it started and all of a sudden a rookie's behind you to take your fucking job in football. You just bought your fucking girl a house and a boat. And you bought your parents a boat. And now you're 28

and a 22-year-old All-American is coming in front of you. And you got a little bit of knee pain. And if you complain about it, then you have surgery. And you're out. And then this motherfucker steals your job. What were you going to do? You ain't got time. You do what you need to do. Shoot the quarter zone.

Shoot the fucking DECA. Shoot the MECA. Shoot it all. I don't give a fuck. As long as I play, at the end of the season, we'll talk about surgery. Then guess what, dog? At the end of surgery, they meet a fucking guru who says, you don't need surgery. We're going to shoot this in the end and that's it.

Ray Mercer was a fucking murderous puncher back then. This one right here. Watching that. Right there. All of them. There. Dude, all of them. Yeah, the one, the left that stiffened him and the right that put him down.

And then he hit him two more times, full clip after that. Watch that one more time, just the finishing blows. Because I'm serious, it's one of the most devastating knockouts I've ever seen. Man, if you saw this on TV, when was this? 70s? Late 70s? Early 80s? 80s. Here's that right hand. And Bray Mercer was a fucking killer.

And he could take it too, man. Bray could take it. Look at these shots. Bing. Bang. Boom. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. And two more before he goes down. Look how many times he fucking hit him, man.

That's the game of AIDS, those punches, dog. He got punched with AIDS. You're not even joking, though. It might have. Shit. He just got AIDS. Like something happened. He didn't get brain damage.

He got AIDS, dog. Rewired everything. Who knows how he got it. He must have ate sushi that afternoon and hit him in the head real hard. That night could not. That night. That's not good for your health. No. For sure.

That fucked him up. That was it. They did the movie with Stallone. He was done, dog. Yeah, you know, there's some sort of a, he did the movie with Stallone after that, didn't he? I don't know. Before or after that?

I don't know. I think it was before that. Before that, right? That sent him over the fucking top. The movie did? That was the wrong guy. I was like, give him the Puerto Rican and check on the fifth, dog. You know what I'm saying? What's that? Too early, right? That sent him over the fucking top. The movie did? I was like, give the Puerto Rican a check on the fifth, though. You know what I'm saying?

Too early, right? Yeah, no. They sent him over the top. Did you imagine being the fucking guy who gets to play Tommy Gunn back in the day? I mean, how does anybody handle that? Rocky Balboa. Yeah, you're a young player. I'm playing a guy that Rocky took in. It was a horrible fucking...

What was the black guy in that movie? Who's the big black guy that did all those movies? Who was Tyson's manager that robbed him? Don King. Don King. Remember Don King in that movie? Oh, yeah. He was the worst.

Come on, Tommy. Come with me in the limo. We got whiskey. Oh, that's right. We got whiskey and white women. Tommy just got punched in the head with Ray Mercer What are you gonna do You gonna stand there

Next to Sylvester Fuck no No I think that was Remember he was doing Blowing the limo Get that scene up Get that scene up When he's doing

Blowing the limo She's got those Little white milky titties He's going Fucking bananas Rocky's like What about when I torture

Fuck you bitch This bitch is banging It must be Incredibly hard To keep to keep your motivation to be a fighter when that happens. Because a fighter, that's like the opposite world of being a fighter. You're in a gigantic blockbuster. You're in a Rocky movie. Back when it means something to be in a Rocky movie. If you're in Rocky today.

That's what I do. It's all I've ever done. Did you see Rocky Balboa, the last one? No, no, no. Hey, man, if you're into Rocky movies, it's not bad.

This is the final scene with Rocky and Tommy. Look at the white chick. Oh, this is great. It's in Spanish. And Tommy Morrison and him square off. And there's the shitty Don King. Look how big his, small his head is.

Oh, Rocky punched him a bunch of times in the back of the head. Wow, and knocked him down. Tommy's really upset. Oh, wow, he threw at him, and Rocky hit him on the way in. Incredible fight here. Wow, Rocky took his legs out. He's going MMA. No ground and pound, though?

Uh-oh, now Tommy's coming back. Boy, that looks fake. Holy shit, that looks fake. That looks so fake. It should be illegal This looks so fake. They gave 20 million. That's how fucking face over Oh, he probably made at least 20 million for this movie is a huge movie man. He's the finish Ah one giant left hook each with Don King with a dunking You hit me, I'll sue you. So that's a digital signal that we're allowed to use,

the Spanish version? Yeah. We can get away with that? Yeah, you just got to get the brain juice. Oh, yeah, it's fucked up. So I found the map of the U.S., and I didn't know where a lot of shit was. I didn't know where a lot of shit was in the weird areas, like the Maine and New Hampshire areas. So hold Joe Rogan.

Look at me. Joe Rogan, look at me. Quit, quit. What's the six states in New England? New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Vermont, Massachusetts. That's it? New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Vermont, Massachusetts. Connecticut.

Rhode Island. Rhode Island, Connecticut. Where's Bob Marley from? Maine. Did I not put Maine? I forgot Maine. I don't know. Is Maine New England?

It must be. Yeah, Maine's New England. Maine's got to be New England. Yeah, okay, so I forgot that. And New Hampshire's New England Maine New England? It must be. Yeah, Maine's New England. Maine's got to be New England. Yeah, okay, so I forgot that. And New Hampshire's New England too, no? Yes, sir. Whoa, those are states? That's the real thing. How dare you? New Hampshire is where like...

You don't know. You really are a baby. New Hampshire's where if you don't live close to Boston, if you don't live close to Boston, you fly into New Hampshire. Yeah. And the fucking flights are dirt cheap. It's like two different fucking worlds to fly into New Hampshire and to fly into Boston. They're 45 minutes. It's like Burbank, LAX.

New Hampshire's filled with a lot of fucking people that don't want to hear the government's bullshit. They're all like those live free or die folks. They have compounds set up. That's on their license plate, live free or die. That's a gangster state. They're up there, there too where you got to like shoot moose to stay alive when you're north of boston you're a silly bitch okay what

that's what that's not cold enough for you you need to go further because when we would do gigs in maine i'd be like oh my god it's colder like we'd be in boston and we'd go to maine to do a gig in december it'd be 10 degrees cold you get out of the car you can't believe these motherfuckers live where it's colder than where we live. You ever been somewhere where you look up and you go, how the fuck do people live here? And you make a mental note like, this is the coldest I've ever been. January 5th,

1995, they took me up from Denver, Colorado, I was living in Boulder, to do a gig in Cheyenne, Wyoming, Joe Rogan. Cheyenne, Wyoming. It had to be 35 fucking below with the windshield. I left the hotel, and I asked the guy at the fucking thing,

where do you get something to eat? And he looked at me, and he goes, maybe 50 yards down, but I wouldn't leave if I was you. And I looked at him like, bitch. And I went out there and started walking. And like 25 minutes in looked at him like, bitch. And I went out there and started walking. And like 25 minutes in, I was like, it's too cold to

walk there. And if I get there, it's going to definitely be too cold to come back. Wow. And I walked and I had chili and I mean, it was horrendous. I had to take your jacket off and I had to sit next to the heater and that was something that... We forget about that. We don't had to sit next to the heater. That was something that...

We forget about that. We don't have to deal with that shit here. $350 I got for that gig as a feature act for four shows. That's a good gig. In those days, yes, it was. Yeah, that's a good gig. Yes, it was. I remember the...

I just got an email from John Shuler. I got to email him back. I just remembered. But I used to do a lot of Shuler gigs. And they varied. If you got a good one used to do a lot of Shuler gigs. You know, and they varied, you know. Like if you got a good one, it was a couple hundred bucks, maybe more, you know, depending on what kind of bar he set up. Those were great gigs, you know.

And some of them were really fun. They had a lot of them. Shuler had a lot of them in Connecticut that were great fucking gigs. Brown, what is it called? Brown Thompson? Is that what it is? God damn it. Place in Hartford he used to have that was like a really good comedy club.

It was the only place in Hartford. Because at the time, I think there's an improv in Hartford, Connecticut now. Yes. Right? A funny bone. A funny bone. Okay. Yeah.

There wasn't any back in the day. I want to say it was called Brown Thompson's. It was like a bar. And they used to book the comedy there. And it was like a fucking comedy's. It was like a bar. And they used to book the comedy there. And it was like a fucking comedy club. It was like a real club. It was a great gig. Like, people would get excited about that gig.

It was a good one. Two places. Shuler had them all over the place. Two places where I thought I could possibly get killed doing comedy. Craig, Colorado is heavy fucking duty Colorado. That was the first time ever I got an addendum. What do you call that shit when you get the paperwork on the gig? And it said, room is known to be active.

If anything happens, run to your room and contact the bar manager. Like, that's what it said on the Tribble Run. And the other crazy gig I did was a place called, these civilizations, these cities, had been taken over by the cities, and they didn't give a fuck. It was called Rock Springs, Wyoming. Rock Springs, Wyoming, they had done a thing on 60 Minutes about Rock Springs, how the mob had taken over Rock Springs, Wyoming. And that's where they took wounded hookers from Las Vegas and revamped them and fished their pussies

and made them hook small time, and they had a strip club. It was like AAA. I'm not kidding you, dog. This was a, look it up. Rock Springs, Wyoming, 60 Minutes. The feds had to go in and take it back from the local fucking government. What? This is craziness.

This shit, they had gambling stuff. And Mike, what's his name? Like two of the guys from 60 Minutes went up there and did a report about it. There's some crazy fucking places out there that you'll never know about unless you drive through. I just got an email from a fucking great guy that said he has a room in Billings, Miami,

a Montana, a 400 seat little theater. And he sent me an email. I'm thinking about going up there. Obviously like in fucking May, because that's the only month it's fucking warm up there. There's a website called Rock Spring Hookers. Oh, no, no.

They don't fuck, but that's not Rock Spring. Wyominghookers.net. There you go. There you go, dog. They don't fuck around there. It's to a different level. That's where wounded hookers go. They get rehabbed to fix the monkey.

How do they look, Joe? They get rid of the chlamydia and the HIV. Ray Mercer takes care of a bunch of them. Don't pull it up. Don't pull it up, Brian. Don't pull it up. It's too disturbing. Yeah, can't do that. What's that? The website. Is it bad? I shouldn't have mentioned the name of it anyway.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Who gives a fuck? Pull it up. It's not my fault. No, no. Is it disgusting? Yes and no, and I don't want you to pull it up. How many brews does that get? I don't think we should... I mean, it's an illegal business. They're going to get in trouble. I don't want them to get it out. How many brews is that guy? I don't think we should... I mean, it's an illegal business. They're going to get in trouble. I don't want them to get in trouble. I told you, they don't give a...

They're providing an extra... They don't give a fuck! They're on the internet. But look at their interview. Yeah, but how do you find them? But look at the interview for 60 minutes. Don't look that up. Please, just look 60 minutes up and see what...

Okay. 60 minutes. 60 Minutes, Rock Springs, Wyoming, 1992, 93. Fucking 60. I don't know if it's the same Dom Fig, but we're talking about Dom Fig, the vampire comic. Look at this. There's a guy named Dom Fig that took this fucking picture of a wave hitting the buildings in Connecticut. Holy shit, man.

Look at this. This was when Sandy hit. Brian, see that shit? Oh, shit, yeah. Pull that picture up. Where is that at? It's photographer awestruck after catching a wave. This is an incredible picture.

It's incredible. Because, like, the idea that he was there while this actually happened, like, you shouldn't be anywhere fucking near there. And this crazy asshole's not just there. He's taking pictures. Photographer awestruck after catching a wave is the title. Wave.

Yeah. This is nuts, man. Did you find it? Uh-uh. Okay, go to cpost.com. Or just look up Dom Fig Comic and then click on the third link and you'll see. Dominic Fig is bigger than Halloween. Dominic Fig Comic.

Dominic Fig Comic. And then look under the third picture. Dominic Fig Comic. And look under the third link, rather. It'll say Connecticut Post. Okay, here we go. Look at this fucking picture, man. This is insane.

I mean, it's insane it's like what what were they thinking building houses there first of all that's like beautiful for most of the time but fuck man if there's a possibility what but it didn't matter if you were right in front of the water with this motherfucker, right? Like they went like several blocks in just destroying everything in its path. It's like, we're so crazy to think that the ocean is going to stay where it is. What a nutty idea to like build expensive shit right next to the edge. Like that's the edges right here. This is my spot. Fucking got marked it off.

This is my house. I got, I'm up on stilts you know they put the house right right at the water and like the the gamble is like how long is the water going to be there is it going to stay there for 100 years it's going to stay for 50 years what's the gamble you know and everybody's willing to take that gamble because if you can open up your window and you're there on the ocean like it's a boat, that's fucking amazing. So they take that gamble, park that bitch right next to the rocks, and hope that nothing melts.

Yeah, but you would have a bigger gamble having a house on the mountain, like with the fires that you had. That's true. Well, fires are everywhere in California. I talked to a firefighter that said there's a real worry, and not of if but when, that one day one of these motherfucker wildfires that they get is going to catch L.A. And the wind's going to be just right. And he said it's going to burn right to the beach. I go, you think it'll burn down Hollywood? He goes, I don't think we can stop it. He goes, if you're dealing with the kind of fire that can go that far and is that strong and it's wind-aided

and it's just big enough. Because fires can be really, really, really fucking big. It's hard to wrap your head around how big they can be, but they can be so big that you can't fucking control them. All you do is try to contain them, but you can't control them. And if they get that big and they can't cut it off in time and it starts going towards LA,

if it's the right time of year, the right amount of Santa Ana winds kicking in, shit, man. Look what happened last year in New Jersey. I didn't think it would happen. Look what's happening right now in Montana, in Phoenix, or in Arizona, rather. With the dust storms. Somebody told me they were driving back from Vegas on Sunday, and it was fucking scary as shit. Oh, sure. Took them eight and a half hours to get home.

Wind, man. The wind and shit. Listen, everything's getting more extreme. Everything's getting more fucking extreme, brother. The heat's getting more extreme. The cold is getting more extreme. I'm not fucking Al Gore. I'm not going to sit here and tell you all that shit.

No. Podcast over. I thought you fucking Al Gore. I'm not going to sit here and tell you all that shit. No. I thought you didn't know. Podcast over. I thought you didn't know. I don't know what the fuck's going on, but we evolve. Right. So that means the weather has to fucking evolve. Right.

And 20 years ago, I remember being in Jersey, hanging out, playing wiffle ball, and within three minutes, it would get dark, dog. And all of a sudden, these chunks of fucking hail would come out. But look at now. Now, I went to the shore 80 times. 80 fucking thousand times I went to that Jersey Shore. Ask me. But I think that it would dissipate like the way Sandy came up. You know what?

In three years, guess what? There's going to be another one, Jack. You know those people we see every year? I had a tornado. I ain't leaving. People make a thousand jokes about it. That's going to be South Jersey in fucking three years. It's going to be every seven or eight years. Then it's going to be South Jersey in fucking three years. Every three, it's going to be every seven or eight years,

and it's going to go down to fucking every four years, and then 50 years from now, it'll be every fucking, you know, that's just the way it is. We evolved, man. Everything moves. Don't they find those dinosaur bones in Montana that you said? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. All right, and didn't they belong to fish or sea bass or whatever the fuck it was?

Well, there was a great western inland sea there. Yeah, there used to be a fucking interior ocean. The thing that's always stunned me about Boulder is the devil's thumb. When you're on baseline and you're driving close to the university in South Boulder and you look to your right and there's a thing that pops out of the fucking mountain. Just this figure. God, look it up. Boulder, Colorado, the devil's thumb. And it pops up.

It makes you fucking think. It makes you fucking, you know, it's the weirdest thing. I hiked up there one time with my dog. Yeah, Hercules went up there and was missing for a night. I went up there and fucking tried to look him down. They got snakes up there, the whole thing. But it makes you think, man, what the fuck was here three million years ago? Not me. So I don't know. I don't have the answer.

Did you hear about that kid? Look at the devil's stump. Come on now. I'm right there in baseline when you're driving. Look at that fucking thing. That's a beautiful thing. Did you hear about the kid in Minnesota that got bitten by a wolf? Wolf bit him in his fucking head while he was sleeping

and wouldn't let go. Wolf was trying to eat him. He was sleeping outside the tent. And I guess, I don't know why. There was other people in the tent. I don't know what the whole story was. But the wolf clamped a hold of his fucking head and wouldn't let go. Can you imagine what a terrifying feeling it is when a wolf, a 75-pound wolf,

has clamped a hold of your head while you're sleeping? A 75 pound wolf Has clamped a hold of your head While you're sleeping And this is the The first known attack In the state's history That they have like documented I think

Are there fucking sharks Biting people more and more Every fucking day Dude I was in Hawaii And they bit two fucking people While I was there One of them died Are you serious

Yeah They got one kid Got bit in his leg He was surfing He got bit And another woman Got her arm bit off And she died The kid lived The boy lived Because his friends Tied his leg. He was surfing. He got bit. Another woman got her arm bit off and she died. The kid lived.

The boy lived because his friends tied his leg off with a tourniquet and brought him into the hospital really quickly. They used a leash, I think. A leash for a surfboard. They tied off his leg and tourniquet and pulled him out

of the water, but they saw him. They saw him get attacked by the shark. bit him in the leg. It's tiger sharks, apparently. And they're trying to figure out now, like the people in Hawaii, they're going to do some studies now. They're going to try to figure out why these tiger sharks are being more aggressive. But there's going to be a lot of issues with wildlife in the ocean as well because these predators don't have as much to eat because we fish so much. We take so much tuna and so many different fish that they survive off of.

I would imagine that a lot of fish are going to be in real trouble, like the fish that also rely on the fish that we eat because we fucking kill everything, man. And all the fish has that fucking shit in it right now from Tokyo. Have you been seeing all that? Yeah, there's a 3% increase, I think they said, in the amount of radiation that they've found in fish, which is not worrisome as far as health.

Apparently, you can get away with a little bit. But the worry is that this could get worse. Yeah, you see that radiation chart where it just shows in 15 years we're all pretty much fucked. Fukushima is fucking crazy. That's a scary, scary situation. I mean, it's much more scary than it's been you know like oh my god did you see what miley cyrus did on tv she stuck her tongue out and showed her butt meanwhile

there's a fucking hole in the earth that's filled with radioactive shit and it's leaking into the ocean i mean it's really scary there's they't stop it. They can't contain it. And they don't know what the fuck to do. And instead, we're looking at Syria, and we're looking at all these other... I mean, maybe there's threats. I mean, maybe Syria is someplace we really do need to be. Maybe they are using chemical weapons. But for sure, that shit is going down at Fukushima.

For fucking sure. There's a real problem there. And TEPCO doesn't know what the fuck to do and no one in the world has a solution for it. I mean, I don't, I don't know what the hell they're going to do. I mean, it's just constantly leaking radioactive waste. And what are the people in Tokyo? What's that going to be like in a decade? You know what, what it means right down the Hill from that fucking place. What is, what happen? Are they going to have any, like, non-radioactive fish?

And don't they rely on fish? Like, there's a huge amount of their income and their diet that relies on fish. That's going to be a terrible place. Could be a real issue, you know? They're finding radioactive bunnies, like bunnies that have deformities and shit that live there.

They're born with no ears There's like all sorts of weird shit going down near there Yeah, what if the fish start turning into like like like these tiger sharks are eating these radiate You know these fish and stuff and it's in the water and it starts becoming what like a zombie shark NATO I mean like that that's like real, you know, like Listen to that statement and imagine that used in court against you I mean like these fish are gonna these fish are imagine like you trying to argue that you're smart and then like

okay now that's real it's like fish sharknado zombie fish sharknado no but i mean like the if the fish become like some mutant kind of animals that yeah well you know that could happen i mean i don't think that's really how things mutate. Life isn't a fucking comic book, son. But yeah, in a comic book, that would become Godzilla. It would become the creature from the Black Lagoon or some shit. That's not Godzilla. It's made. You thought it was made? No.

No, Godzilla was a creation because of the atomic bomb, supposedly. The U.S. drops atomic bombs on Japan, and then Godzilla's born because of the radiation. Like, all those animals, those giant animals, Mothra, all that shit, Rodan. I believe Rodan was from space. So it's coming true. Well, that was the idea. No, it's not coming true. Just some fucking sharks bit some people.

Those are good movies that you saw the string, and it fucked your world up. You're like, fuck! The Mothra string? Yeah, the Mothra string and shit. Wow! Wow! Remember when ABC? This is so bad today. You're like, fuck! The Mothra string. Yeah, the Mothra string and shit. Remember when ABC would do Monster Week at 4.30, the after-school movie? 4.30, after Dark Shadows, you threw some fucking heat, Jack.

Yeah. Pull up some videos of Godzilla. Oh, Godzilla versus the Smog Monster. That's who the baddest one was, Godzilla versus the Smog Monster. You remember when it was King Kong versus Godzilla? They had to make King Kong the same size. That was very disappointing to me when I was a boy. I found out how much smaller King Kong was than Godzilla. It wasn't even close.

Godzilla's like 500 feet high. King Kong's 50 feet high. 50 feet high ain't shit when you're dealing with Godzilla. But in Godzilla versus King Kong, all of a sudden King Kong's huge. That's a good little fucking jam. Two boys to go. Godzilla. Oh, no.

There goes Tokyo. Go, go, Godzilla. Yeah, that was Blue Oyster Co., right? Yeah. Yeah, look. The smoke wakes him up. Those movies were so... People today can't understand how awesome those movies are.

Play that. There you go. People don't understand how amazing these movies were. Amazing. It's L.A. versus Tokyo. Look how bad this is. This is incredible. Oh, that's when he became

the smog monster, remember? And he flies around just blowing poison smog on people. Chemtrails, bro. Yeah, he was the original Chemtrails. The smog monster. Look, everybody, look how bad the fucking special effects are.

Oh my God, it's amazing. Oh, so good. What people don't understand is when you were a kid, or when I was a kid, rather, and we would watch this, we would have to be, you had to suspend disbelief.

You were just amazed that they could show you any visual representation of a gigantic lizard. Like, anything that remotely looked like it, you were willing to accept. Like, look at that! Look how bad that is! But we were willing to accept it, because we knew that up until then,

that was the best. That was the best that was the best that was it like if you go to the original king kong and the original king kong the difference in the way the japanese did it in the way ray harry hewson did it um i think it's ray harry hewson i might have made that up but uh the animator they used to do it frame by frame they would they would just move the clay a little take a picture move the clay a little take a picture move the clay a little take a picture it. Move the clay a little, take a picture. Move the clay a little, take a picture. It took fucking forever. But they would have these elaborate fight scenes with these

clay animals that they created. So he'd like, King Kong fighting against dinosaurs. That shit took forever. And look what it looked like. Look how fucking fake it looks. Look, it moves around. Wow, that looked like I hurt.

Yeah, it's like people got fucked up. Somebody really dodged it. But look, it barely even looks like it's there. Play that. It barely even looks like it's there. Like there's a guy in front of it, and he's looking at it. What are you doing? I can barely see him.

Look at that. It's weird. And look at the fucking special effects. What was King Kong? It was like 1936 or some shit? 33? Yeah. Wow.

So back then, this was the greatest fucking thing the world had ever known. I'm with you. You can't believe they even pulled this off. I mean, the special effects for back then were unbelievably incredible. People were so excited to see this. When you look at like King Kong itself Like show King Kong yourself. Oh Like when you see him

The guys getting up they're trying to figure out what happened Look how fake this looks a lizard, but this is a real lizard though. I Think they just stuck a real lizard in there. Nope, nope, nope. That's animated, too. Wow. Wow. Sometimes they would do that, though.

They would have a movie, and they would have a real lizard. And you could tell the lizard was nowhere near them in real life. But they'd be like, oh, look. And they would just insert this giant fucking lizard in the back. How weird must it have been to act in these movies? Okay, there's a spider. It's 16 feet tall. It's coming at you now. Run! Look at him. He's scrambling

and then they have to add in this killer spider. This is nuts. Look how bad it looks when they pick up someone and they're getting bit. This is so stupid. Watch out. But that was as good as the world had ever seen back then.

Yeah. It was impossible to get any better. Like, that was incredible. Like, people must have been so excited. And there was no, I mean, what fucking TV shows were on in 1936? Howdy doody. Or 33. Did they even have TV in 33?

I don't know. When did they invent TV? When's the invention of TV? Invention of TV. Yeah, for a while, it was just movies, right? TV probably came a long time. I thought it was fucking radio. I thought the Green Hornet was a radio show and all that shit.

The invention of the TV. I didn't find anything for when was the invention of the TV. Searching the web for when was the invention of the TV. Huh. Okay, so apparently there's not a single thing. 1927. There's not a single thing that you can point to. Because there's a lot of shit

that got invented that related to the invention of the television. Imagine sitting around with a bunch of people and your family and listening to the Green Hornet. That'd be awesome. Amazing. Eight to nine every Friday night and then Wednesday was something else and Thursday was comedy night. They'd have

not Jackie Gleason but the other guy. Lil' Worf and Annie. Yeah. It happened in 1862. It was the first night like they'd have like uh not jackie gleason but the other guy like uh low working annie someone it happened in 1862 was the first still image that was transferred and this guy had something called a pan telegraph so he transferred a picture by telegraph this thing or this electronic thing transferred and he became the first person to transmit a still image over wires. Fuck, man. They figured that out in 1862. You know how crazy that is?

Slavery became illegal in 1865. So while they were still slaves, someone had figured out how to send a photo over wire. Fuck. Remember when the telegram was huge? Do you remember that? When you were a kid, the telegram was huge? Do you remember that? When you were a kid, the telegram was huge. It had a huge commercial. Yeah, Western Union.

Western Union was huge. You had to go to Western Union and then pay cash. Then they got the credit card and that was the beginning of the end. That was the beginning. This is incredible stuff, man. In 1873, scientists May and Smith experiment with selenium and light,

and this reveals the possibility for inventors to transform images into electronic signals. How the fuck did they figure that out? I mean, think about how nutty that is. These dudes are riding horses, and some motherfucker figured out how to turn images into electronic signals so that you could sender them. Send, sender them? So you could send them over,

look how fucking stupid I am, hundreds of years later. What was the first picture, Porn? Had to be right. Probably his dick. Probably a guy who sent some chick a picture of his dick. His poop. Look at my poop, fine lady.

It was, yeah, it was some crafty cat. It's like, this bitch has got to see my dick. If she sees my dick, it's on. Right now she wants to stay in Philadelphia. So fuck, what do I do? I'm in New Mexico. Sending pictures of your slaves. This is amazing stuff, man. So in 1900, they called it television. At the World's Fair in Paris, the first international congress of electricity was held.

And that is where Russian Konstantin Persky yeah, Konstantin Persky made the first known use of the word television. So it was invented by a Russian gentleman. Or the word was, at least. Amazing.

You know, when you go back and think about dudes that were inventing really mind-blowing shit, like, back in the 1800s or the 50s, you know, even earlier than that, like, the dude who figured out the printing press. Yeah, but you know how much shit you didn't have, like, fucking, like, interfering with you? Like, you didn't have internet, you didn't have TV, you didn't have... You had to invent shit.

You had to go to the woods. What about the guy who invented meth? He didn't get no credit? The guy who invented meth? How about that fucking poor bastard? Oh, I give him credit every day. That guy was awesome. That fucking poor soul in the trailer had no money for drugs and just started putting shit together.

When I saw that on Discovery, I was blown the fuck away, people. Who was it that invented meth? Was it one dude? I don't know. But putting a battery, the core of a battery, cold medicine. Just, are you fucking kidding me? Like, what did you come up with? Who gave you this recipe?

Wasn't meth used in, like, World War II? The story was that the Hitler troops used it, and they used it on the Japanese kamikaze pilots to get them to be willing to slam. But it was speed. I don't know if it's the shit that they have now in a tub that the Sons of Anarchy sells. I don't fucking know.

I'm just telling you what the fuck. Yeah, it's not a new drug. It was first made in 1887. Again? 1887. Yeah. Some dude wanted to send a picture of his dick to some chick so before he could invent the camera and get the electronic wave, he had to stay up for a week to fucking do it. Some dude wanted to send a picture of his dick to some chick,

so before he could invent the camera and get the electronic wave, he had to stay up for a week to fucking do it. I'm sorry, that was just amphetamines. So amphetamines for 1887. Methamphetamine, which was more potent and easy to make, was developed in Japan in 1919. The crystalline powder was soluble in water, making it a perfect candidate for injection. Methamphetamine went into wide use during World War II, when both sides used it to keep troops awake.

Holy fucking shit. High doses were given to Japanese kamikaze pilots before their suicide missions. And after the war, methamphetamine abuse by injection reached epidemic proportions when supplies stored for military use became available to the Japanese public. Man, in 1950s, methamphetamine was prescribed as a diet aid and to fight depression. Easily available, it was used as a non-medical stimulant By college students, truck drivers And athletes And the abuse of the drug spread Holy shit

Did you know that? They used to prescribe methamphetamines for depression Well it probably worked It's a back door Well that was in the Liberace movie Remember the California diet He gave us a full of amphetamines You know what's crazy Yeah. Well, that was in the Liberace movie. Yeah. Remember the California diet? Yeah, the California diet. He gave us a form of amphetamines.

You know what's crazy? When I was growing up, there was this crazy kid on the block, and he had whatever they diagnosed a dentist, ADD, but they used to give him speed to calm him down. Right. Remember, he used to jump off his own roof. Why would you do that? Yeah, well, they say that's with Ritalin. This was way before Ritalin.

His sister used to sell him his black beauties. Oh, really? Yeah, they had this kid on some heavy-duty shit. I used to go to East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania and buy 1,000 black beauties for $35, and I would sell them. What is exactly a black beauty? It was these little fucking black things they made in the 70s, and they were the original diet pill.

And it was an amphetamine? An amphetamine. Do you know what kind it was? No, who gives a fuck? They were $35 for a thousand. I sold them for $100. A thousand? $35 for a thousand?

And I would sell them for $35 to $100 to the wrestlers at a dollar a piece. You have no idea what a cash cow that thing was. Oh, my God. And I remember one night I went out and I had no blow and I ate like three of them and drank anazet and I was sick for a fucking week. Like I never ate those pills. But I remember people cracking

them open and snorting those motherfuckers. You know what's really interesting? You talking about that and you talking about selling bootlegging these illegal drugs. It's like it depends on how much money you make and what you do with that money, whether or not you become legitimate.

I was a junior in high school. But what I'm saying is like, I know, but look at the Kennedys. The Kennedys did the exact same thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, the same thing. The Kennedys became legitimate. They became a very wealthy and established family from moonshine.

They were selling drugs. They were selling liquid drugs that were illegal, but they did the right thing with all the money. They got a hold of it, invested it in politics. I mean, they had a lot of fucking money. And then, you know, they got out of it once it became legal or something. I mean, I don't know how the fuck they transitioned out of bootlegging it. But that's like the known history of Joe Kennedy, right?

The father was like he was a moonshine runner, which is kind of crazy. I mean, how much different is that really than you selling these black beauties? It's really no different like morally or ethically. It's the same thing. So like if you had stuck with the black beauty business and then got into politics later, I mean, that would have been that would have been acceptable let me tell you some those were that was right after my mom died and i was like crazy yeah and i would go on saturdays with this kid nick biamonte he was a football player up there

he would pick me up we'd drive like an hour and a half and we'd go into this room these college kids that looked like they were 40 and that's all they did all week was make different things. And they would make acid, blotter acid, paper. They would make four-way acid. They would make little mescaline. And they would make black beauties. And that's what they did all week. And their parents thought they were going to school.

Before the computer nerd, this is what nerds did. These kids were probably millionaires. I remember them having Z-28s were big. Remember Z-28s in 1980? Irox. They both had Irox with the cut moon dish that came out. Oh, yeah, the T-Rex. Yeah, no, these guys were making money, guys.

Meanwhile, I remember them going, our dad sent this money. We don't go to class. We pay rent. They had a gambling thing during the week. Yeah. These kids were banging it. They were crazy little fucking, I don't even know what they were, Irish kids.

I remember the T-Tops thing. Yeah, the T-Top and Ted Nugent. And we'd go and they'd show us. These guys had a garage with jars of Black Beauty's jars. That was their mainstay. And then everything else they made as they went along. Like, this week we'll make blotter acid this week we'll make four way acid this week we'll make window paint acid

just a complete different world do you remember when everybody had that Trans Am just like Burt Reynolds with the eagle on the hood there was a giant eagle sticker like it was important to have that sticker pull that bitch up pull that Burt Reynolds that eagle sticker. Like, it was important to have that sticker. Pull that bitch up. Pull that Burt Reynolds.

That was authentic. That eagle sticker is important, man. Like, I knew a dude who had one rebuilt. It was, like, for a TV show. And they had to get that sticker, man. That was, like, a big part of it was putting that sticker on. Like, they had to get it, like, recreated. Because they restored the entire car, like, that sticker.

I remember how big of a feud it was. That's not the one, though. I know which one you're talking about. It goes back more. I remember what a big feud. The cooler one has exposed headlights. I remember the big feud when two people got an IROC in the same neighborhood. Like, that became a feud.

Like, you had to throw down. Yeah. So one guy would park across the street, and you would park across the street facing the other direction, and whoever had, like, the loudest stereo and the hottest chick horn, you know what I'm saying? You'd be listening to Aldo fucking Nova. Life is just a fantasy. Have you seen that video lately? When you got a minute at home tonight, put the video on from the beginning.

Yeah, that's it. No, that's not the one either because that has closed. It's got to be the one with the exposed headlights. These are all like new versions. That's the one the one with the exposed headlights. These are all new versions. That's the one. That's the real one. That's the Burt Reynolds jammy right there. Look how badass that car was.

Look how badass that car was. I think people who are not male cannot understand that. You show that to a woman, especially a mature woman. But someone who's been to college, they're going to look at that and go what the fuck are you what go back to that picture it would be cool to it would be cool to have that like black on like silver like where you could see only see it like silver wise i was looking for a better one well there's there's um people have done like little custom ones i remember that i'd

seen some some custom really cool spray painted onesainted ones. You know, like, what's it called? Airgun. When those were, like, airgun artists. Remember that? They used to do those... Oh, that's a pretty dope one. Remember they used to do, like, vans? And on the side of vans would be, like, some fucking, like, a Conan scene. Like a dude... Yeah, it was airbrushed, right?

There was a dude with a sword and, you know, like, fucking women, like, Frank Frazetta style. Do you remember that? Like that was a big thing, those vans. To have a bar in there, you were perfect. Yes. Velour and shit.

Why go to a hotel? With the little windows in the back and they had like a moonroof. Dog, we could smoke in here. Pop the moonroof. Like that was like big time. Yeah, the moonroof was huge. The moonroof was fucking huge. And what kind of artwork you had on the side of your van was fucking huge.

And it was all ugly. You look at it today and you go, what the fuck was I thinking? A fucking Japanese guy with a hammer with a fish in his hand. Look at that sexy bitch. I'm going to pull this up. Van with airbrush artwork. There's a couple guys in Burbank that have that. Oh, really?

They airbrush vans. And it's like they'll change them all the time. The latest one was Wonder Woman. She looked like a Mexican Wonder Woman. Dude, go to that. Go to van with airbrush artwork. It's still going strong. There's still some

fucking cool pictures out there. You just gotta find these guys. Oh, they still do it. Definitely. I didn't know. I hadn't seen one in a long time i've seen cool shit on uh like tour buses and stuff this is the kind of shit that is like by me at my house like this is what it looks like that's awesome come on man how awesome is that luke skywalker obi-wan kenobi c-3. That's pretty badass. But there's a lot of them, yeah. Someone's got to have a Frank Frazetta out there.

I bet if I look up Frazetta, Airbrush Frazetta. That guy had, in my opinion, like the, yeah. Well, yeah, somebody's got something here. What is that? Does that look like a Frazetta? That guy had the best, like, yeah, somebody's got something here. What is that? Does that look like a Frazetta? That guy had the best, like, fantasy art when you were a kid. Did you like, like, Frank Frazetta? Do you remember those paintings?

That's Taylor. You know who he is? No. Did you ever get into books or comic books or any shit like that when you were young? A couple months. I was big into... I was into Marvel, like, the four... Marvel comics?

The Fantastic Four. Fantastic Four? I liked the Silver Surfer. And the only reason... It was a long fucking story. I was into it for like nine, ten months. We'd go to the festivals in the city and we'd try to buy Batman 3 or some shit.

Yeah. It was just a couple months that I went off the deep end. There was no more fucking comic books. Now it's all SpongeBob 24-7. No fucking comic books. Now it's all Spongebob 24-7. No fucking comic books. You turned around and came right back to it. For me, I was really into those fantasy artists like Frazetta.

I'm trying to think of some of the other names. There's a bunch of other names of guys who are really famous for that. But Frazetta was my favorite because I was such a big fan of the Conan series, and he did a lot of the artwork. Pull some of those pictures up, man. They're incredible. He just, it's just like that, to me, symbolized that kind of, that genre of book.

Did you ever have a van, Joey? A van? Yeah. No. I drove a van for a construction, no, a hardware company for about six weeks. Oh, yeah?

And then, yeah, I got fired. It's still there. They're still fucking there. Really? The hardware store on Fairview Avenue. Yeah, yeah. When you go back and look at some shit from your childhood,

it's strange when you see stuff that's still there. The guy's still fucking there. I got arrested January 29, 1983. Really? I got caught for possession of stolen tools, you know, like stolen property, like the dude crime type shit. I went out on bail.

I paid a fine. I was on probation for six months or something like that. And that was it. It was dumb as fuck. But I worked at that lumberyard. And I had a good little job over there. I was a delivery driver. I could make my own little stops.

At that time, I was doing a forced, like, a settlement-type deal. So I had to go to the chiropractor. That gave me time to go to the chiropractor and all that shit every day. It was just like $250 a week, and I worked six days a week. Wow. And I had to drive to the Meadowlands and different construction sites and drop off tools and linoleum and screws and nails. It was the shit you do.

I drove a van when I was about, I guess I was about 18. I had a van for a while for uh delivered newspapers i bought like a second car because the newspapers would fuck up my suspension like everybody who delivered newspapers your suspension got fucked up by the sunday paper because it's so much weight because you'd fill up your fucking trunk with uh newspapers and then you put them in the back seat you'd stuff them in the front seat all the way up to the ceiling so you were driving around like almost completely blind on the right-hand side. It was very tricky looking around at where you were going.

And so after a while, I made a little bit of cash with this fucking venture. And like me, I'm always thinking of expanding. I got a van. I bought this big-ass cargo van with no windows. I used wagons. And then I expanded my route. I was using red wagons. Well, I had to figure out a way to make enough money that I didn't have to do anything else while I was competing.

And so the only way I could really think of before I made money on teaching was deliver newspapers. That was the only thing that made sense to me because it was several hours a day, like three or four hours a day. But when it was done, it was done. And that's it. There was no boss to answer to. As long as I delivered the papers to where they were supposed to go, was no problems and i was good at it i did it every day and it taught me discipline like having something that you have to do 365 days a year makes you fucking do it just do it you know don't even think about it just fucking do it it's a part of your life

you just get up and do it i applied for a paper route one time like going to the eighth grade i wanted to be a goody good whatever goody A goody good. And I applied for a paper route, like, in July. This motherfucker calls me, like, Thanksgiving week. And I don't even think

about it. I go, okay. And he goes, you gotta pick up. And it was 43rd Street Hill. This is a hill and a half.

This is one of those hills in my hometown. They compare that San Francisco Hill. Oh, yeah. And Joe Rogan. Lombard Street. I walk over there, and

it's fucking, you know, 18 inches of snow, that East Coast snow. And Joe Rogan. Lombard Street. I walk over there and it's fucking, you know, 18 inches of snow, the East Coast snow. And I gotta walk. And for three weeks I had to break through that fucking thing. Go over there at four in the afternoon. It's freezing. The sun comes down there. You're fucking freezing. I'm delivering paper, knocking on people's doors with

that loop with the people's fucking cards in it. Nobody had one of those things. You had a circle loop, and you had people's addresses, when they paid you last, and they were good tippers. You had all that shit on there, and I'm in after three weeks just quitting, going, dog, I ain't doing this shit no more. That hell's a motherfucker. I go work for my mother and make that one fucking day

what I'm making for you, 40 bucks. I got to hustle six days a week. I go home to my mother's for one day. I play wiffle ball. I eat fucking Chinese food and I come home with fucking 50, 60. Get the fuck out of here. I'm going to walk up and down the hill. Fuck you. The fuck out of here. I learned how to drive in the snow, man. That's what I learned. I was driving in the snow like all winter long because I drove every day. I drove every day. So if it snowed, I fucking drove. So I got so used to getting stuck. I'd get stuck everywhere. I'd slide into trees.

Like I fucked up a lot of cars. My fucking, my record was terrible. By the time I moved to New York, it was like really hard for me to get insurance. I had a gang of accidents. I was a horrible driver. Then I made the mistake of accidents. I was a horrible driver, and then I made the mistake of moving to Aspen.

And you think you know what the fuck you're doing until there's black ice on that motherfucker, and you're going down the road listening to fucking Joe Welsh, you know, Rocky Mountain High, and all of a sudden your car just goes like this, red band, just goes, shh, and off that shish, this back just starts fucking

spinning. You just go into a tailspin. You don't know what the fuck to do. Just go into a fucking tailspin, man. Yeah. And right there, you're like, oh, I got to learn how to drive and pay fucking attention. This is a complete. I hit so many fucking cars, Joe Rogan. Of course.

I dented so many cars. I'm in Seattle. I was a car salesman. They used to give me a car. I would take the car at night and go to gigs, to one-nighters and I'd lose fucking hubcaps. Oh my God. I was horrible. There's a terrible, terrible,

terrible video, not this one, of some people going down a road and they lose control of their car and they hit a truck head on. It's crazy. The people from behind them are filming it. The guy in front loses his shit and just at the right time swerves into the oncoming lane. I have no idea, man.

Oh, this guy just crossed and, oh, my God. Here you go, bitch. Oh, shit. Oh, Jesus Christ. This is scary. This guy's in the wrong fucking lane. Oh, that's so scary. Oh, my God.

And he has to cross over. How does he cross over? I don't miss any of this shit, man. I grew up in Ohio, so I had to deal with this all the time. Look at this. Look, he spun out. Boom. Oncoming traffic.

Boom. The only good part is when you got in on accidents, it wasn't as bad because you were sliding when you hit the first. That is true. You know what I mean?

That's a big deal. Yeah. That's a big deal. When you got in an accident in the snow, it's like bumper cars. Kind of, yeah. Yeah, people who don't know, they've never experienced that before, boom.

Like that in any other situation would be a devastating impact. It still can be pretty shit. Like this is bad because this is like. Oh, this is horrible. What is this guy doing? He lost his shit. Wow. You're giving me anxiety.

I know. I'm watching this and I'm getting anxiety. I really honestly think that people who don't grow up driving and this kind of shit, you miss out on a certain amount of adversity in life. The fear that you get, the respect for the winter, you know? Oh, my God. I don't want to see this. Jesus Christ, this is going to be bad.

Oh, look at this guy spinning out. Head oncoming traffic. No one can stop. Boo! How about the motherfuckers that get in that car in Colorado like they're drunk? Oh, yeah. Insane. Go down 82.

82, Route 82. Look it up. It's one of the most dangerous roads in the fucking country. Oh, my God. He's going over the cliff. Oh. Oh, he spun around. He got lucky.

This is fucking scary. Please shut this off. This is not good. This is not good for your spirit you're just seeing destruction that's the weird thing about like the internet and like choosing to go search for shit like you can see disturbing shit after disturbing shit after like you just be bombarded by nothing but disturbing shit whereas in real life like it's really hard to run into that much disturbing shit. It's like, ah, ah. Whereas in real life, like, it's really hard to run into that much disturbing shit. You could watch, if you drive every winter,

you might see one of those crazy pileups in 10 years of driving. I've lived in some places. We just saw 10 in a row. You've lived in some places in Boston where it's just disturbing waking up in the morning. It is. And it's one disturbing sight. And everybody who comes to you, after a while, you start looking at them weird,

like, what the fuck? Is this like a... Are they putting me on? Yeah. Like, that's how real some places are, man. There's places, situations,

you got yourself in that. It's just a walking disturbance. It's just a... You don't need to fucking look at this shit or go online. Well, there's like a hopelessness to some places.

You know, there's some places where when you're there like especially in the winter there's like a weird hopelessness there's no joy there's no aspen to it like aspen in the winter it's kind of festive people are skiing the town's hopping there's a lot of smell the wood burning it's fucking amazing the wood burning smell that wood burning your whole heart stops yeah. You're like, what the fuck, man? It's beautiful. It's completely different. I remember being eight minutes from the greatest world, the greatest city in the world, and feeling hopeless. Like the Lincoln Tunnel, going across the Lincoln Tunnel, it was the biggest city in the world in 1980, like as a kid and going, you know, this is hopelessness.

This is too much. Yeah. It was too fucking much then, you know. It was everything you wanted like that at 2 in the morning. Everything you wanted? You could buy a machine gun with a bazooka in Harlem at 2 in the morning. You go up to Harlem. There's a Puerto Rican that'll sit there for 10 minutes and go,

let me think, bro. What do you want? I want a machine gun with a clip. I want to shoot 1,000 people. I need a stick of fucking dynamite. And I'll sit there for 10 minutes and go, I'll get you the dynamite tonight. And you're sitting there going, oh shit. Do you remember when that guy

got arrested in Harlem because he had a tiger in his house? Do you remember? That's Harlem. If that story had happened in any other place in the world that was in cleveland i'd be like how odd but it's in harlem i was like okay i believe that the dude got bit and so that's how he got in trouble his tiger bit him and they found this motherfucker had a tiger in his house he had like a bunch of exotic pets let me pull up the story. A man had a tiger in his house in Harlem. A man had a tiger in his...

Harlem, has Harlem been gentrified? Yes. A lot of white people live in Harlem now? Yes. It's all the way up to 140 now. Oh, he didn't just... And beautiful. He didn't have to clean, you know.

He didn't just have a tiger. He had an alligator, too. Oh, please. Those are pimps in Harlem, Doug. Imagine you come over to this guy's house. I used to cop coke in Harlem all hours of the night. When I was 18, just out of high school, I used to go to 135th and Amsterdam, where you had to walk through the room where the chickens were fighting.

Right. This is real. And you walked through the room where the chickens were fighting. And then you walked into a DJ booth, and they'd wait for you. And there were times I'd go and the cops were there. They wouldn't let you go in because somebody got shot.

And then remember when, who did Mike Tyson fight in Harlem at four in the fucking morning one night, dog? Mitch Blood Green. Are you fucking kidding me? At a haberdashery. Are you kidding?

Yeah, at a haberdashery at four in the fucking morning. What's a haberdashery? Like where you go buy clothes, men's clothing or something. Where brothers go to buy fucking clothes. Who goes to a haberdashery? That's when you pull some Tom. That's when you a buy clothes, men's clothing or something. Where brothers go to buy fucking clothes. Who goes to a haberdasher? That's when you pull some Tom.

That's when you're a gentleman. That's when you pull that Tom Cruise shit. Remember what was that movie he made? We had to call the Arabian guy and get clothing, and the chick's daughter was fucking tremendous movie. Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise made a movie years ago with Nicole Kidman as his wife, and she had cheated on him with a fucking soldier.

It was one of those movies by that director that fucking died. Eyes Wide Shut? Yes! That was the thing. All I remember about that movie is the crazy dance. Stanley Kubrick directed that. So it was a demented movie. They go to fuck the chick, and the chick dies of an OD

in the doctor's office, and he's telling the guy to get it together, but he has to wear a cape and a mask. So he calls this haberdashery at 2 in the morning in new york they open up the fucking door and they give him a cape and then the little arabian girls fucking the two japanese employees this is a tremendous fucking movie then he goes over there he gets in he goes to the back everybody's naked everybody's sucking and fucking you got to walk around with a cape and a fucking mask and a magician's hat on and then they threaten him and he goes back home to the col with a cape and a fucking mask and a magician's hat on. And then they threaten him. And he goes back home to Nicole Kidman.

And she's telling him that one night while he was away, she fucked a sailor. So it's like going in his mind. You know what I'm saying? So it's just a fucked up movie. He gets the address from the piano player at the jazz bar. That's a great movie, by the way. It's a dark fucking movie. Remember they had it for a few years.

Then they released it. It was kind of weird because it was them two working together. I don't fucking know what I'm talking about. Well, Eyes Wide Shut was about some weird

elite sort of a cult. Right, Scientology through the back door. Yeah, was that what it was like? It was like he was trying, it was really... They wore those masks,

hung out with Callan, stuff like that. There's a 1972, there's some photos that Duncan had on his website. They're photos from a 1972 Rothschild surrealist dinner party. It's so weird, man. It's so weird. So this is the Rothschilds, I guess. I'm not, like, totally up on this.

But they're supposed to be the people that not, like, totally up on this, but they're supposed to be the people that are, like, you know, elite banker-type characters, right? So they've got this party, and they're all wearing these crazy outfits, man. Like, this lady's wearing, like, a stag head. Like, she has the head of a deer on and a mask, and the man is wearing this weird thing on his fucking head, they have this uh dinner table set up with a baby doll and like it's fucking trippy shit really weird shit

because these really were the rothschilds and they this is really how they were rolling they really did have parties where women would wear antlers on their heads where um they would have naked women uh pushed around on like a it looks like a casket covered in roses it's like it's really strange or at least an effigy of a naked woman actually it looks like i can't tell if that's a real woman they kill a bitch they kill a bitch too they would kill a bitch well it looks like just like a hipster party well it's a bit of a party for sure they're crazy people it's a bit of a party for sure but the I think the idea... They like some freaky shit. If you want to follow the conspiracy theory,

the idea is that these type of people, these elite societies, that what they would do is they would have these rituals, and they would do something really fucked up so no one could ever talk about it. Like they would kill somebody. Like they would take a prostitute

and kill her in front of everybody, and then bury her somewhere. And no one could talk about it because they were all implicated. So that's everyone. It's like your bond to this cult. I mean, that's always... Look at that. That woman's wearing a fucking stag head.

It's like a big deer mask. How weird. When you have billions of dollars, and it's 1976 you're like fuck it you know there's no internet you can't get in trouble no anonymous is going to fucking take down your website because you're some crazy Rothschild's character these people

back then Jesus Christ brother to have so much money that you pay off an attorney the night before the party, like a liaison to the police department. Oh, yeah. You fucking have a service come in to park cars. They're not allowed in there.

Everybody has masks, so even if you do kill a bitch, nobody knows who killed her. There was some dude with a fucking goat's face on. You don't know who the fuck that was. There's no IDs. There's no nothing. You're fucking bareback. You're just spreading chlamydia Like a motherfucker

At those things And those No no no I'm lying Those chicks get checked out Those dudes go all out They fucking send those bitches To the doctor

Blood test Pussy scans Ass call The whole fucking thing What's the best scan for pussies An MRI I don't fucking know I don't you know

It's gotta be something You know Some fucking freaky shit Rock Springs, Wyoming and shit. I'm telling you, that's why they take those hookers and they revitalize them. They put some pep in their stuff. Well, back in those cowboy days, right, they used to have the brothels where they would, like, go in this big fucking wooden building, you know, in the upstairs. I mean, all the Outlaw Josie Wales movies.

I mean, what was the movie, the comeback movie for him way back in, you know, like with Morgan Freeman? Unforgiven. Unforgiven. Thank you. That movie was about a prostitute at a brothel getting cut up by a bad guy and then him going after them. Remember that?

Yes. That's a good movie. That's a great fucking movie. Unforgiven is, in my opinion, one of the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All time. And it's a black fucking sheep. Nobody really watches it is, in my opinion, one of all time. And it's a black fucking sheep. Nobody really watches it. Exactly.

Or toasts it. And it's so realistic, man. It's like he went and did the exact opposite of like, you know, like a hero movie where everything's predictable. Like it was not predictable at all. It was very dark and very realistic, Like, very realistic and tuned in to that era. Like, when he starts drinking and turns evil, like, you fucking believe every word of it. When he comes in all sweaty and fucked up

and just kills everybody. God damn, dude. And how everybody's freaking out. They're scared. They can't pull their gun out in time. And he's just blasting them one after the other. That was a fucking hard-hitting movie. We'll have to watch it again this week.

Maybe we'll watch it in Milwaukee. We'll have a party. Yeah. And some bitches will stab them. The whole fucking thing. I can't stab a bitch at this age. You can't stab the woman. They fight back. I wouldn't want to do it anyway, but I would say that.

But that creepy shit where they have the parties and the chick don't know she's going to die. That's got to be horrible. You do it with four people who have families. Could you imagine? Being sophisticated. You're a millionaire. You have so much to fucking lose.

But, you know, listen, man, when you have money in the billions, I can't imagine. Listen, you're 50 years old. You're going to go, fuck it. I'm going to go do everything I've ever wanted to do. And you write a bucket list, bitch. And on that list is getting eight chicks, the hottest chicks in the world, getting them checked out for commedia, and make, I mean, just, you know,

Fidel used to do that. They said that Fidel would go up to you, whether you were married or not, he'd send the fucking guy over to you and say, call this number tomorrow at two o'clock. Right in the restaurant. You could be sitting there with your wife, or a soldier would come up to your wife and give her a card. Gotta call that number the next day.

Next day, a fucking car comes to the house, picks your wife up, takes her for a physical examination. The next day, she has to have a nice dress delivered with some flowers. She's going to Fidel's for some yum-yums. Wow. So you would have to just dress your wife down, wouldn't you? You'd just make her look like shit? Is that real?

He was just steel wise? I'm not sure about the wise, but I know that he was doing it to women. He was doing it to women. You were in a restaurant. You're outside. He would have people going out and hunting bitches for him. Holy shit. Listen, guys.

Well, that's a dictator. Yeah, who knows what you do if you're put in that position? I was watching that thing. What's that crazy fuck from San Francisco that made everybody drink the juice down in Guyana? Oh, Jim Jones. You ever watch that thing for two hours in biography when you wake up and you can't go back to bed? You had like a fucking Red Bull at the club. And you're watching this.

Listen, I can see you talking three people. But he had thousands of people there giving him their Social Security checks. That guy was raking and fucking. He had them living in huts. You imagine that? I'm going to give you my money. I'm going to live in a, he had them living in huts. Imagine that. I'm going to give you my money, I'm going to live in a huts with a mosquito,

no air conditioning, I got to do my own laundry. What the fuck? Damn. Thousands of people who were just lost, you know, who just wanted

a new fucking life. That just, that's mind-boggling, man. Well, I mean, what about the Branch Davidians? I mean, they had that place and then they would leave the compound and go to jobs

and come back to the compound. Now, are they making a comeback? I don't know. No, no. Really? Yeah, something happened. The son, he fucking. Okay, let's find out.

Branch Davidians. Yeah, Branch Davidians could be back. They're working under a new name or something like that there. Let's see. Comeback. Branch Davidians comeback. I remember, though, when it was, wow, they were trying to make a comeback. But Davidian's comeback. I remember, though, when it was wow, they were trying to make a comeback.

But this was 2007. Yeah, well, they still gotta be trying. That's a long comeback. I remember part of the deal, though, the Branch Davidian's deal was that he got to fuck them. That was part of his gig. Well, you know, he's Jesus. He's spreading the seed. He's gotta spread the love. And you buy it. You gotta sit know, he's Jesus. He's spreading the seed. He's got to spread the love.

And you buy it. You got to sit there and look at your wife and go, go ahead. You know, our lives will be better if he gives you a fucking stabbing. I mean, it's disgusting. I know somebody who lived through that, man. One of those cults. And she would tell me the stories. And I would sit there and ask, why didn't she sue her parents?

In today's world, I would take her parents to fucking court. Right. In today's world. What the take her parents to fucking court. Right. In today's world. And go, what the fuck were you people fucking thinking? I mean, they tracked down, you know, they trapped down fucking people from all these wars that did war crimes. These are war crimes. Listen, if a kid wants to do something, he has to be an adult.

He has to consent. There's no kid that wants to grow up in Indiana in some house with 80 fucking kids where they have to eat everything they kill. And they even were drinking blood pudding and shit. So part of the deal was the guy fucks your wife. This family I'm talking about had maybe nine kids. Four of them belonged to the cult leader. So after the cult dissolved, now these people got to eat dinner in the summers.

They're all on Facebook jumping up and down. This guy don't look like my fucking brother. You know, what does that do to you? And the parents are sitting there playing the guitars, jumping up and down like, you know, life is beautiful. What the fuck life is beautiful? Four of your kids belong to some cult leader, and your husband is sitting there like a fucking savage. I mean, these things are just disgusting. This is just disgusting shit.

Yeah. They always get to fuck the women. That's part of the deal. That's part of the fucking deal. And the husbands are going to sit there playing the guitar, making Kool-Aid like some fucking jack off. Like some fucking jack off. I mean, I never understood this shit.

Well, it's amazing when they study cults how the same sort of pattern plays itself out. Yeah, everybody wants to sling dick. And that's part of it. That's part of the 401k. I got to fuck everybody in this motherfucker. It is part of it, right? It's a weird thing with men.

And they fuck like 17-year-olds on the cusp of being 18. I mean, these guys should be shot. I heard that that particular guy was still alive in a different state. Who?

The people I'm talking about. The cult leader that they defunct from. Oh, the guy from... They're still alive and they're defunct from. Oh, the guy from... They're still alive, and they're trying to sue him. Oh, I thought you meant Koresh. He killed a few babies and shit.

Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, they're disgusting. How many minor league cults are there out there that we don't know about? Is there a gang of them? Millions. Are the Moonies still around? Harry Christmas? No, the Moonies.

I don't know. The Moonies were like an East Coast thing. I haven't even seen the Harry Christmases lately. Sun, East Coast thing. I haven't even seen the Happy Christmas lately. Sun Yung Moon? I haven't even seen the Happy Christmas lately. No? No, with the little head. Nothing. In Boulder, they're there every other week, but not none. I never see them out here.

It's a nickname, apparently. I thought it was the real name. It's from the Unification Church. Right, yeah. Sun Yung Moon and shit. He was big in the 70s. They can't survive, man. Is that Amish? Who the 70s. They can't survive, man. Is that Amish? Who the fuck knows? Let's see.

Recent use. A 1996 article in The Independent about former Prime Minister Edward Heath gave at a Unification Church-sponsored conference. He admitted the term Mooney has entered the language in meaning a brainwashed, bright-eyed zombie. 2004. Yeah, I guess they're around still, man. Huh.

Yeah, wow. The Unification Church. It's got to be harder to do in those things today, though, no? Wow. I don't know if you have to get state fucking approval. There's some states that allow cults. Well, you know, as far as like religions go. It's a church.

Yeah, it's a church. They get like a tax deduction. Yeah. The whole fucking thing, you know. Because that's what Alex Gray has. That artist,

he's got a church. Like, he's the one who does all those crazy psychedelic paintings. That guy's got a church. I mean, his whole thing is is non-profit. Like, he's been approved by the government, which is pretty incredible.

We could all get approved. You think so? But who wants that fucking creepy feeling? I would never want that creepy feeling to think that I was walking on fucking water. Oh. Bro, all of them have that. They all become that. They all become that.

I know. There's no way to look back. They all become that creepy person. Yeah, is there anyone who's ever made a cult where it worked out really good? Look them up.

I don't know. I mean, Scientology, Hollywood. Well, Scientology works out good for some people. You know,

it's worked out really good for Tom Cruise. Works out really good for John Travolta. Works out really good for like the head actor guys and like, you know, people really good for the head actor guys and people who are at the head of

whatever their group of top people in Scientology. Works out good for them. Is that a blue cigarette that you're smoking? This is crack cocaine. Do you know that Bloomberg's trying to get rid of those? He should. I don't want to give a fuck. Why do you say that? Look at Jenny McCarthy.

She took over as Stephen Dwarf. Yeah, I know. She's a new blue cigarette person. I don't know. Why do you say that? Look at Jenny McCarthy. She took over Stephen Dorff. Yeah, I know. She's a new blue cigarette person. I'll say that. They went from black and white to really color, super hot chick. Like black and white, like film noir. Well, I guess they're doing that with this too. The other one, it's not.

Ew, it's so gross. They're like being silly with each other. Ha, ha, ha. Let's smoke this. Ha, ha, ha. She couldn smoke this. Ha, ha, ha. She couldn't possibly smoke in real life and still be that hot, could she? Is that possible? Oh, she smokes.

Really? You can tell she's a smoker. Good googly moogly. In between fucking hummers, you got to do something with that fucking mouth. You know what I'm saying? Ha, ha, ha. Add some nicotine into those jaws in between fucking. She's beautiful, Jimmy.

She's beautiful. She really is. I don't give a fuck. She's still pissed at Jim Carrey. You know, come visit the fucking kids. I'm done fucking you. I'm gonna come see the kids for it. Right or wrong? Right or wrong? No, she's pissed. Listen, we don't fuck no more.

I gotta come see your kid. When I was eating your ass, I was his best friend. I ain't eating your ass no more. I'm gonna come over and read him a book. Fuck you. You know, it's the truth. Yeah, it is. It's hard to man up. Now he's gonna go have a family. Fuck you. You know, it's the truth. Yeah, it is. It's hard. It's a man thing. To man up. Now he's going to go have a family.

I got to go over there and visit Jenny McCarthy. You know she wants to smoke that pole and talk about Ace Ventura. You know Jenny McCarthy. She'll suck your dick. That's a freak. I ain't mad at her. I love Jenny McCarthy. I've been watching her.

She's great. She'd talk about how amazing you were in Ace Ventura. Next thing you know, she's swallowing your sword. You're petting the cat. You're petting the cat. Everybody's fucking happy. Get the fuck out of here. I can't go.

You know? I can't be around Jenny McCartney. Once you fuck Jenny McCartney, can you imagine being around her? Not fucking her? No. You're single? Not really. Jenny, cut it out.

Let's go to that bedroom. I'm going to fucking Ace Ventura you to that fucking door there. Oh, my God. The competition for a woman that hot is off the charts she's beautiful she's funny she's great

she writes fucking books she's been around she's done a lot with Playmate thing dog she's done a lot with it you gotta really this chick was on Chicago white chick came out as a comic with the Nerdist on that show

when I moved to LA that show was it it was getting cast by Judy Brown. Stan Hope was on it. The fucking Jenny McCarthy show. I read for it. Was that Remote Control? No. After Remote Control.

No, on MTV they gave her a show. Was she on Single Now? What was Remote Control? That wasn't her. That was a game show. Oh, that was a different one. Okay, Single Now was with her and what's the name? The Nerd her. That was a game show. Oh, that was a different one. Okay, Singled Out was with her and... The Nerdist. The Nerdist. The Nerdist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, come on now. Jenny McCarthy's a bad bitch, dog. She's been around a long time, man. No fucking dirty movies. No nothing. Nobody's got a picture of her sucking her cock.

Nobody. Nobody's got a picture of Jenny McCarthy on all fours. If they did, it wouldn't hurt her. She would just own it. No, she looks beautiful. She's fucking a picture of Jenny McCarthy on all fours. If they did, it wouldn't hurt her. She would just own it. No, she looks beautiful. She's fucking hotter than fat asses. That used to be a, that would be a deal killer for a woman back in the day. It killed, it almost killed the chick from Miss America.

What was the chick? Oh, yeah. The black chick, the mixed chick. They caught her eating pussy on all fours. Look at that picture. Look at that picture. Look at that picture and what it did in 1984 to her career. And that bitch came out with albums.

Bam. Married a Laker. Bam. What's her name again? Vanessa. Vanessa Williams. Vanessa Williams. She was beautiful.

Yeah, man. She was fine. Look at the picture of her eating that fucking Moncloir. The Moncloir. She's on all fours. She's got her fucking nostrils in it. Yeah, that's a very beautiful woman. That's a beautiful woman.

You know, now she's 50, she's 40. I mean, you know, I'm talking about when she was 20. She won Miss America and they took the crown from her because somebody fucking developed those pictures. Yeah. On all fours? It was a different world. 19 years.

Now they would, like, encourage that shit. Yeah, now you do that, you get a fucking show on the Kardashians underneath. Yeah, and that way people would pay attention. You know, having something like that. I mean, look at Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. It made them, really. I mean, it made them more popular. And this chick had a ton of fuck.

I mean, she put out a music album. Every once in a while, I still put the album on, running back to you. Tremendous. She went dancing and shit, 1991, 92. She did movies, too, didn't she? She did the movie with Arnold. Oh, shit.

Yeah, what was that? What was that? Witness. She was a witness for the location plan, and he took her, and she stole the disc from the company. Come on now. Yeah, man. She made a... And then she was on some other TV show for a while.

Wow. That's a badass motherfucker. Damn, that was a long-ass time ago. Yeah, she's been around for a long time, but they killed her with that pussy. Picture her eating some poor girl, having a good old yum-yum time in college. Is she out of Texas? I don't know. Look and see if she's out of, where she's out of.

She's out of somewhere. What? They made her like that? And she's tall, too. Is she? Yeah, she's tall. Vanessa Williams. There's another one, an actress, that was named Vanessa Williams, too, right?

Remember that? I don't know. Remember there was two Vanessa Williams for a while? It was fucking confusing as shit. There's Vanessa L. Williams and then Vanessa Williams. Yeah. Oh, okay. Where's she from?

She is from Millwood, New York Where'd she go to college? Texas? I don't know Something happened in Texas Doesn't say Doesn't say But yeah

She's I can't show that one She's born in She's born in 63 So she's 50 She's 50 Son of a gun Now I see what you're talking. She's born in 63, so she's 50. She's 50. Son of a gun. Now I see what you're talking about.

She's got a couple kids. She still works a lot for ABC shows. She's still beautiful. Time's a motherfucker, dude. It waits for nobody. Waits for nobody. Oh, there's another Vanessa Williams. Okay, there's a young girl named Vanessa Williams.

There you go, right there. Look at her. She's next to this rock in the ocean. Yeah, she's like, a pumpkin's there. She's like, boy, this pumpkin smells fresh. Look how big it is. Fresh pumpkin. Yeah, how weird.

Yeah, we can't show that. We get in trouble, folks. We can get in trouble. Yeah, it's weird when you go back and look at, like, you ever watch a movie from that era? Like, um, uh, I watched, um, what was that movie where the guy played the video game and the video game taught starfighter? Remember that was, yeah, the guy's name was Alex Rogan.

I remember that. Cause, uh, but he's got my last name. And he was a, uh, a guy who learned how to pilot this spacecraft during playing this video game. Was he the best at it? No, no, no. It was like Star... Last Starfighter. Last Starfighter?

Last Starfighter? Was that it? Yeah. It was so stupid. What's his name in it? The black dude? And he was just like dressed... He looked all weird and creepy. The black it? The black dude? And he was just like dressed he looked all weird

and creepy. The black guy. Which black guy? The one It says the star is Lance Guest Robert Preston

K.E. Cuter Seafull Casting Crew. No. Just look up The Last Starfighter. I was thinking of something else.

And like this this video game guy seemingly doomed to stay in his trailer park home all his life Starfighter. I was thinking of something else. And this video game guy, seemingly doomed to stay in his trailer park home all his life, finds himself recruited as a gunner for an alien defense force. It was so dumb. What was this guy's name?

He was the main guy in it, right? Yeah, that was the main guy in it. Who was he? I forget. I thought he was somebody. I think you're thinking of Enemy Mine. That's what it was. And you're thinking of Louis Gossett.

Is that who it is? Louis Gossett Jr.? Is that the guy's name? You're 100% right. He's the man from, remember that, Officer and a Gentleman? Fuck yeah. That was a great fucking movie. If you haven't seen it, you gotta.

That was a great fucking movie. It took me months to watch that. I couldn't get over him because I had a girlfriend that liked that motherfucker, so I hated him. I hated that motherfucker. I went to see American Jingle and he showed his ass. I lost my to watch that. I couldn't get over him because I had a girlfriend that liked that motherfucker, so I hated him. I hated that motherfucker. I went to see American Jingle, and he showed his ass. I lost my edge after that. And then he'd come out with Office of the Gentleman. I caught it on 178th Street for $5 with Tifa Hartz, Stephen Bauer, and the other chick.

That was the first big movie they gave Stephen Bauer after Scarface. And fucking Office of the Gentleman. Where the fuck you been? At an orgy? Listening to Rolling Stones? Bad mouth in your country? He's dropping some knowledge. Then Lou Gossett started busting out old school karate moves.

Oh, that's right. Like Shotokan karate moves. And he would like tell, oh my God, CSI Miami was in there. That dude that was taking on, remember, he pulled him up there and choked him out. And he tapped out and they threw him out of there. Plus, the other guy was in that movie. Officer and a Gentleman is deep. Pull up the fight scene from Officer and a Gentleman.

There's a couple of them, but when he walks up on them, anybody want to come up here? How about you, Mayonnaise? That's right. Remember, his name was Mayo. But let me tell you what the baddest part of that movie is. When you really realize who fucking Richard Gere is, is the first scene. When his father comes in, they just had an orgy.

His father is played by Frank Lopez from Scarface. Fresh off Scarface. And fucking whatever his name is, he's combing his hair. And all of a sudden his father comes in, he moves over, he takes his dick out, and he's pissing in front of him. He goes, that was some fucking night, huh? He goes, not like those bitches in Thailand. I mean, he was just. And he goes, where are you going?

And he goes, I got to drop something on you. I'm a fucking officer. And he goes, look at you. You ain't no fucking officer. Remember, he hits the glass and shit. You ain't no fucking officer. Look at you. He goes, what's your problem?

You might have to salute me someday. Fucking tremendous scene. He walks out. Where are you going? Come on. I was the only kid. That's a great fucking movie. That's a great movie. That scene in the beginning, that was Frank Lopez.

That was Frank Lopez's... I think it was after Scarface. So he left Scarface getting shot. You know, they threw him out of his own... There you go! That's when he's trying to... He's telling him to quit. He was talking about character. I've changed. I've changed since I've been here. I've changed, Sarge! He's trying to, he's telling him to quit. He doesn't know it's D-O-O-R? That's the line right here.

I got nowhere else to go. That's it, dog. I got nowhere else to go. I got nowhere else to go. I got nowhere else to go. Are you fucking kidding me? That was incredible. That was incredible, dog. I forgive him for all his crazy Buddhist bullshit.

Remember after 9-11? We need to use love. He got on stage in New York. It was like, we need to use love and love them. Like, ooh. I don't know if that's the right answer. We need to figure out how to stop planes from flying into buildings before we worry about love

people ain't gonna be not flying planes into buildings because you're really good an officer in a gentleman he uh remember he was selling belt buckles to fucking those dudes the dude from CSI Miami comes up to me and goes, dog, is it worth you making a couple dollars us getting thrown out of here? That's right. He was selling clean belt buckles.

He was selling clean belt buckles. And that's how he got in trouble. He was a tremendous movie dog. Got in trouble because he was hustling. God damn. I remember seeing, what's his name, at the store one night. I shook his hand. He's like a big AA guy, you know, Lou Agosta Jr.

Is he? He was at the store one night, man, cool as fuck. I shook his fucking hand. I said, dog, officer and gentleman, you know, Lou Agosta Jr. Is he? He was at the store one night, man, cool as fuck. I shook his fucking hand. I said, dog, officer and gentleman, you know, you're a bad dude. You got a tremendous resume. Do you remember good times? Fuck yeah. I saw the father up there, too.

Remember? We were up there together. Oh, we used to see him all the time, man. I used to be a stand-up comic up here. Oh, he was fucking hilarious, man. John Amos. John Amos. He was, that guy was fun, dude. Good dude. He was so nice. Good dude, man. John Amos. John Amos. He was, that guy was fun, dude.

Good dude. He was so nice. Good dude, yeah. Very fucking nice. He was the first, like, really famous guy that I ever met that I didn't feel weird talking to. No, he was. He gave you no judgment. Like, he was just hanging out with you.

He was a fan of comedy. He respected it. Oh. So that's the difference. When somebody sits back there and goes, dog, I appreciate what the fuck you do. I tried it for three years, and it wasn't me. I remember the dude from Badass Actor. John Amos.

Plummer. Glenn Plummer used to always come into the store. Glenn Plummer? Who's that? Black dude that was in the movie with Sean Penn when they did a movie about the gangs in L.A., and then he did a thousand things. I just saw him in fucking Sons of Anarchy.

I mean, he's still working. I saw him at the store. He came up to me and go, dog, what you do? And I'm like, really? You don't want to do it? I remember hosting at the store, bringing him up and I'm going, dog, please don't embarrass me. I go, you've done movies with fucking Andy Garcia. He's into things to do in

Denver when you're dead. That scene, the two black dudes. It's him, Cheadle and the dude from fucking... Oh, this guy. Yes. Oh! That scene, the two black dudes. It's him, Cheadle, and the dude from fucking... Oh, this guy. Cullors. Yes. Cullors. Oh, dude.

Cullors. Yeah, he used to come to the store all the time. That guy's excellent. Yeah, he just got shot on Sons of Anarchy the last two seasons or something like that. It's amazing. John Amos was the first guy that ever gave me a compliment, too, that was famous. The first guy that I ever talked to that told me

they had a good time at a show. He was in the back of the store. All the time. Have a great time, man. And he would come up to you and talk to you about bits.

Yeah, man. Joey, I loved when you did this bit. Oh, man. The way you did that. Remember I used to have that tiger fucking bit? Yeah, yeah. He came up to me

one night after the show and he goes, you're so free up there man he goes it's you're so free and anyway i had to figure out how to do that bit right and one of the ways that i learned how to do that bit right was like you know do it different ways and he kind of explained to me like what was good about it he he like because he's such a great actor like even in good times like like you in Roots. You watched that show? Yes.

Fuck yeah, he was in Roots. That's right. He got his foot chopped off, remember? Yes, he was in Roots. He was so good as an actor. Even in a sitcom, he had these powerful fucking moments, right? So when he told me, it's like, you're so free up there when you're doing that. You're so free.

He goes, you're not thinking about shit. He's like, you're thinking like that tiger. i realized like that's really the way to do it you gotta actually almost pretend you're a tiger like think like that thing thinks and that's the really the way it worked i kind of figured it out because of him because of him talking to me about it i was like oh yeah that's it oh that's it and it was it made me so confident because he because he said that. You know, I'm like, Jesus, John Amos said that? It's got to be right. It's like, this is 100%. That's the guy from Roots.

That's the guy from Good Times. That's John Amos. Captain America, coming to America. Oh, that's right. That's right. That was incredible. Stay off the drugs. Yes.

Oh, that's incredible. I watched Omit the Logic again the other night. Oh, the Richard Pryor documentary? Did you watch it yet? Dude, that makes me nervous. You got to watch. When he goes to the Hollywood Bowl, when he goes to the Hollywood Bowl and goes off. It's amazing.

For some gay foundation, the people. But, you know. What did he do? He went to the Hollywood Bowl for bowl for this pack thing all-star line of bett middler to support gay people and he got out and he goes where the fuck were you when they burned him once you could kiss my rich black ass fuck you and he got off and the host got on i'm so embarrassed oh my god and they're booing him and the next day it was in variety and shit really and how they gave him all his dough and they took it back he, and the next day it was in Variety and shit. Really? And how they gave him all of his dough, and they took it back.

He made Jim Brown the president of his company. How much blow are you doing? Well, he was doing a lot of things with Jim Brown. Jim Brown, so. Jim Brown was in his act, remember? Like Jim telling him to get off cocaine. Very interesting. And yeah, you know what, man?

It makes you scared because you know that there's parts of that that relate. We're obsessed in other ways. You know what they are. We're obsessed in other ways that whatever, it doesn't have to be cocaine and weapons, bro. He was married seven times, Joe.

Well, what about the time when he went upstairs with the bitch and the guy goes, the next morning he knocked on my door. I go, Richard, what are you doing? He goes, I gotta get a divorce. You know, it was just craziness. That's crazy shit.

But that's what people don't know is when you're in that zone, and you're at the comedy store, and the Chinese guys are giving you drinks in the back. I can't even imagine. I couldn't be in them. I couldn't imagine being there when Kennison was there with Lenny Clark, and there's 18 hitters in the back, and everybody's

drinking, and Mitchie Shaw and I know we always talk about this but we got to show the mental side of comedy bro you got to be a savage there's a part of you that after a certain level you have to become a savage you really do man I'm a savage and I'm proud of it yeah there's no way around it if you don't do it you won't survive like the very thing that you need to become a a real comic it's like you have to have this freedom you have a freedom of thinking you have this ability to go to these dark places and we we learned that from that fucking crazy haunted house that's a big part you you did a little but you learned it there you learned i learned how to

you changed listen man i remember being 16 and going home. You were a junior in high school. I wasn't sleeping. I mean, at this time, there was no sleep apnea. I just wasn't sleeping. Well, you were doing coke? I was doing coke by myself. By yourself? I would go home and listen to Master Reality by Black Sabbath.

I would just into the void and people, the popes hanging on a rope. And I would do the coke and I'd probably do a little hit of mescaline too or something to get me going. And I'd sit in that fucking corner. I didn't smoke cigarettes. I didn't do nothing. I'd just go do this. Look, I'd rock like a fucking retard back and forth.

I still remember that shit. And I'd be like, Jesus Christ, this is my life. I'm going to fucking kill somebody listening to this shit. How many days can you stay up for before you start going crazy? There's a number, right? Three. Three? How many days have you ever done it?

Coke? How many days have you stayed up? I've never done that. You've never stayed up? No, I never did that. I still went to bed. How many days have you stayed up? One time, I stayed up three nights.

Oh, my God. Friday, Saturday. And by Saturday night, I kept calling the and by Saturday night I kept calling the police. I kept calling the police, telling them there was somebody in my house. This is when I was house-sitting on Far Away Road in Snowmass Village. Wow. Okay, and I'm up there, and me and my girlfriend were going off. Listen to this.

Me and my girlfriend at the time are going to her brother's wedding, and I'm going to meet her parents for the first time. And I went to york and i got two ounces of blow and i gave one to an electrician buddy of mine and i said hold an ounce of this i'm gonna pick it up the night before i go to this wedding and i get there about 11 o'clock on a thursday night i pick up the ounce i go home about one o'clock the is calling me wow i do a I do another one. Let me tell you how bad it got. The dog I had at the time, Hercules, was probably a year old. I loved him. I didn't let him out of the house the whole weekend.

He held that piss like a soldier. What? Do you understand me? I didn't let him out. For a whole weekend he held his piss? I wouldn't let him out. This is how crazy I was. Is that possible?

Who the fuck cares? He didn't piss. I kept looking at him every time he cried. That's it. You ain't going out. And I had no porn. So I whacked off to, what's the movie with the lady in red?

Vanessa Redgrave? The lady in red. The chick that was married to Steve Seagal, you fuck. Oh, what is her name? Michelle LeBrock. Kelly LeBrock. Kelly LeBrock and Woman in Red shows her pussy for a slip second.

Yes, she does. When Gene Wilder calls for her. When Gene Wilder calls Kelly LeBrock and Woman in Red shows her pussy for a slip second. No. Yes, she does. When Gene Wilder calls for her, she runs off to bed, and they show her bush. I figured out with the VCR how to lock it on her fucking bush, and I'd sit there with my dick in my belly button, and I'd whack it off, and then I'd hear something happen, and I'd call the cops. And after the third time, they sat me down. They're like, listen, you gotta stop doing cocaine.

I had the cocaine hidden in the sink. So if somebody happened, I'd lift the water and hit the compressor button. But there's one tiny minute in Lady in Red where she shows her fucking pussy. She shows her red hot panties, right? That's the idea? No, she gets up off the bed.

It says, lets her dress fly and shows her red hot panties. right? That's the idea? No, she gets up off the bed. It says, lets her dress fly and shows her red hot panties. No, it's when Gene Wilder comes calling for her. And she gets up and shows that little bush. Oh, that drove me fucking crazy. I sat there. She reminded me of an old girlfriend in high school. She was beautiful. My God.

Gene Wilder. Gene Wilder and her were in a movie together naked. That's what I'm saying. What do you think I'm talking about? That's crazy. Yes. I know. I know what you're saying, but I'm like, that's crazy.

Lady in Red. That's what it was called? Woman in Red. I'm so sorry. Woman in Red. She was in Steven Seagal movies too, right? She was in Back 4 More, whatever. Back 4 More.

He started beating her, remember? I don't know. Yeah, he started beating her. Remember, she was an acupuncturist. Is that true? Yeah, he was her acupuncturist. And one day, he just started beating her. He said, fuck the needle.

What? Joe, are you making shit up, man? No, he did beat her. He did something to her. She's pissed. She was on Celebrity Rehab, one of those celebrity losing weight show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm telling you, guys.

Come on now. Yeah, she's hot now. I think Steve Seagal's third movie was with her. Back in danger, whatever the fuck, with the kid. They shot the kid and him with the wife, and then he went to the ranch. Yeah, she... Whoa. Yeah, she gained the weight. Steven shot the kid and him with the wife, and then he went to the ranch. Yeah, she... Whoa. Yeah, she gained the weight.

Steven Seagal... Stress, man. A lot of goddamn stress. She moved to a fucking ranch and started eating potato chips. There was no stress. With that Steven Seagal money, she saw what he made on one of those fucking movies. Steven Seagal was getting paid, though, for a while. He was a big megastar.

Oh, yeah. No doubt. Yeah, when he was doing, though, for a while. He was a big megastar. Oh, yeah, no doubt. Yeah, when he was doing, like, Above the Law and all those movies. Above the Law is a good movie. Don't ever get confused. Good fucking movie. They would have never gave him another eight if Above the Law. In the beginning, when he's doing the class at the Aikido, dude.

Oh, yeah. That's how the movie starts. Yeah. When he goes to that bar and starts bitch-slapping people with that fucking straight arm to the neck, that was tremendous. Then he started killing Jamaicans. What was the move with the fucking Jamaicans and shit? I see that black dude in auditions and shit. I want to shake his hand.

What's the move with the Jamaicans when he went to the mall with the Colombians and the Santeria? Fucking tremendous, that movie. What was that movie? That was Back 4 More 2. Back 4 More 2. That's funny Okay what is his Wikipedia

We need to find out What the fuck that movie is He's still banging that movie Marked for death Marked for death That's a good one How many movies You think he's done

Take a guess Steven Seagal 62 67 I bet he's done Yeah Let's see Oh he did stunts In some earlier movies, man.

Never Say Never Again. Is that a James Bond movie? Yeah. He was a martial arts instructor in that. Yeah. View to a Kill. And then Above the Law was like 88. Yeah, that was his first movie.

Damn, this motherfucker's done a lot of movies. When I kidnapped that dude and the cops were looking for me, I hit out with Above the Law and Lethal Weapon and I fucking watched them over and over and I was blown away by Above the Law. I really was. I was blown away. Look at that. The Jamaicans. What was his name? Quiz. What was the fucking black one-eyed, glass-eyed? What was the Jamaican's name? Remember he killed the brother and then the brother popped up? Oh, he had a glass eye right something something weird his fight scenes in these early movies were like the first realistic

fight scenes in a movie where dude was like slapping guys arms down and and fucking knuckling them in the face it wasn't like these giant yeah you know what i mean it was like more like that it wasn't like it's the first time we ever saw Aikido, but it was also... It wasn't like a giant flying split kick where he kicks two dudes at the same time. Break his fingers. Yeah.

There you go. It was more brutal than we had ever seen in movies before. As far as karate scenes, it seemed more brutal and more realistic. I never saw a Steven Seagal movie in a black movie theater, but it was real. And they cheer for white people. Black people don't cheer for black people in movie theaters.

They cheer for white people smacking the fuck. I saw Rambo 2. I saw the second Rambo on 178th Street in Harlem. It was one of the funniest things I had ever watched. To this day, I always say it. When he fucking comes, when he opens his eyes in the mud, remember that scene when he opens his eyes in the mud and he stands with the German guy?

Yes. Black people went fucking bananas, dog. I'd never seen nothing like that. I can't even imagine a Steven Seagal movie on 78th Street. Back in the day. We missed the window. The window was in like,

right about above the law. If you got in above the law in the 1980s and went to Harlem and watched above the law, I bet it would be one of the most incredible experiences of your life. You'd laugh your ass off. Well, I saw Planet of the Fucking Apes in Philly.

Me and Tommy Jr. and his girl, we went to a theater in the middle of Philly. And this was like when the UFC had fights in Philly. And we got there like a day early. We played pool and we got so high we were terrified of our own shadow. And then we went to this black neighborhood. It was the only place that they had that we didn't even know. We didn't know it was like an urban neighborhood until we got there. But once we were in the theater, we were like, oh, my God, we're the only white people here.

There was maybe like three other white people. We found each other. We huddled together. And then we went to the movie theater. But when we got in there, it was hilarious, man. Hilarious. There's dudes who are artists at yelling shit out. Really?

There's dudes who are artists. They do it perfectly. Oh, you fucked up now. Yeah. I don't like it for the most part. It's got to be funny. Most people are bad at it. It's got to be funny.

If it's funny, it's brilliant. Yeah. And some dudes try too hard. The worst is when there's a funny dude and his not funny friend is like fucking really loud. He tries too hard. Like one dude will say some funny shit and then his other friends will chime in and try to like top him. And they can't. They don't know they're not funny yet.

I saw a Clint Eastwood marathon in San Francisco on the Tenderloin when Clint Eastwood tells the guy to pick up the gun and the black guy yelled from the back, shoot that black motherfucker. The place went down. He just said, shoot that black motherfucker. When Planet of the Apes. They tear for white people. It's amazing.

Did you see Planet of the Apes? No. You didn't see it? It's fucking good, Joey. It's fucking good. I can't. It's amazing. Did you see Planet of the Apes, the new one? No, no, no. You didn't see it? It's fucking good, Joey. It's fucking good. I can't. I enjoyed it. I know you wouldn't go see The Mechanic.

You wouldn't go see the, was it Jason Statham? It was Jason Statham was The Mechanic. You wouldn't go see that out of respect for Charles Bronson. But when it was on television, I caught the first 10 minutes of it on Showtime, and I was correct. You were correct? They blew it. Well, it wasn't as good, but let me tell you something.

That dude who played the bad guy, the dude who played his apprentice, that motherfucker is wicked. He was in that stupid vampire movie 30 Days of Night.

Did you ever see that movie? No. Good fucking movie. He ain't no Jam Michael Vincent in 1973. You're right. Jam Michael,

throw a picture of Jam Michael in 1973. He was taking his dick out on Wilshire Boulevard, and they would line up to Sunset to suck that blonde hair, especially after the movie he did, Baby Blue Marine. Come on now. And then they put him with the ugliest man in Hollywood, Charles Bronson.

And he went crazy, right? Yeah, he looks like a fucking truck hit him. He went nutty. Yeah, poor guy. He was in Malibu eating pills, drinking cocktails, telling people he was a pilot. They say that that's the place to go if you want to eat pills. If you want to be like a rich old person that eats pills, Malibu's

your spot. Like everyone in Malibu's like, you know, there's like a bunch of refugees from Hollywood that are older and just chewing pills now. Like littered in between people who like to jog and ride bikes. There's like just people staring at the ocean just popping pills all day.

You know what the worst thing about those pills are? What? How long they stay in your system and how you don't feel it while you're eating those things. Not until you get off those things. It's like when you get a knee surgery, I feel bad because America doesn't really know this. You didn't eat your Vicolins after your surgeries.

No, I don't like that stuff. You'd rather take it out of you because you know. You know't eat your Vicodins after your surgeries. No, I don't like that stuff. You'd rather take a leave because you know. You know what it does to you. It destroys your system. It eats apart your fucking stomach lining. You gotta eat tons of fucking yogurt with them. Pills are a slow fucking death in this country. And people have no idea.

But I was never really an opiate guy. I ate some volumes. I snorted some coke to get the dick going. You eat some gorilla biscuits. But there's people who eat those. Like that thing you always talk about, that Florida Road. Yeah. That documentary about Florida.

The Oxycontin Express. You have no fucking idea. I told you, dog. I did a 16th one time. My blood pressure went up. I had to lay down. Those things are a different. That synthetic heroin ain't the best thing in the world for you.

You might as well pull it off the street and do a little bump. Synthetic heroin is made not to fucking addict you, but to fucking destroy you. You know, it's like cocaine. It's like now. I go to places. Listen, I really enjoy getting high, Red Band. I really do. But guess what?

When you show up with a fucking dab and a pipe and a fucking torch and shit like that, it's time for you to stop. Why does everybody always want to make crack out of everything? Oh, I know. First they did it to coke. You just couldn't snort coke no more. Now I got to mix it with gasoline and fucking toenails, put it in a jar with paint, and smoke it. No, no, no. That's not strong enough.

Well, that's what people are always doing. It's just amazing. If you blow them, he wants to stick it in your ass. Now, you know, you got a good point there, at least a finger. But now, you know, they got so much fucking weed stuff coming at you. And it's great, but I still like rolling a fucking joint. Like, I'm done. I still like rolling a joint.

I like, you know what I like about rolling a joint, man? I like the, like, the karma, the energy. It's the whole quad. The energy of it. It's like the, you know. You try the paper. I wanted to say the celebration of it, but it's not the celebration. The ritual.

The ritual. I was looking for. I like the ritual of like, here we go. I'm preparing for it. I'm getting it rolled up. Let's smoke some right now. In Florida, this is the craziest statistic ever. We've read it before, but if you haven't heard that podcast, Florida prescribes 10 times more

oxycodone pills than every other state in the country combined. They're fucking eating oxycontins down there. That's a scary, scary thing that those pills have taken over so strongly. Add the blow in there. Add the blow concept to this now. Oh, Florida's so medicated. So you've got oxycontins everywhere now. You're adding blow to that shit.

Wouldn't it be cool if they had an app to show where people are sober? If like your app, like if you hold your phone, it tells you if you're on heroin. And just you look, I got a map. Like we were looking at that porn map, all the cream pies and all that shit. Find out what percentage of Florida is not on pain pills right now. Ready, go. We are not hip enough. But I guarantee that we're

three years behind. That there is somebody right now moving kilos of cocaine online through UPS or whatever one of those systems and nobody even knows. And a delivery system. Well, you know about Silk Road. Have you heard about Silk Road? I don't know nothing about nothing, but I'm just saying that there's

got to be somebody selling coke on Twitter. Well, there was an article about it. There was an article about a website that somehow or another is able to transact illicit deals and people send poop senders. Yeah, if you want to buy any poop, they got gorilla poop, turkey poop, cow poop, elephant crap, gorilla poop. Why would anybody want to buy poop? Look up, see if there's a, what is that Silk Road thing? That's the thing that everybody can't look it up well yeah you shouldn't talk about it yeah you shouldn't don't talk about it

whatever it's too late people know about it the government knows about it it's all over the news bedbathandbeyond.com yeah something like that but there um there's ways that people are doing it where they're figuring out how to but i mean how long are they going to be able to do that and then what happens if somehow in the future, you know, they can go back retroactively and like look up the database of who bought heroin or whatever through this fucking crazy website. Would you sign on as Joe Rogan?

Of course. No, you would not. Believe me. No, you would not. So anybody who's going to buy heroin online is going to be a little crafty. You're going to hide your name. It's like if you're going to be a commenter on YouTube,

you're not going to go on there as Joey Diaz and say crazy shit about Taylor Swift. If you have a Mac and you have a... I think you're controlling your heroin use. You could quick a fucking switch and 20 minutes later some guy delivers it to your door.

You know them, but this is the new way. You don't even have to call no more it seems like once there's a this desire for something it's impossible to stop people from figuring out a way to get it to people especially if it's illegal and it only makes sense that they'd be using the internet right it's brilliant it is brilliant it's brilliant there's no way else i mean it's gonna happen right i mean it's not. There's no way else. I mean, it's going to happen, right? I mean, it's not like anybody's going to hide that shit. Speaking of hiding that shit, listen to this. There was a dude in China that got arrested.

He went to jail because he convinced a girl that her vagina was haunted and that he had to get rid of the ghost with his penis. So they arrested him for this. They arrested him after he claimed that he could get rid of it. The paranormal enthusiast allegedly charged $3,250 to perform the sexorcism. What a brilliant man. Come on, man.

That dude is a pimp, and you're hating. You're hating on that guy. I'd give that guy the key to the cityorcism. What a brilliant man. Come on, man. That dude is a pimp, and you're hating. You're hating on that guy. I give that guy the key to the city, though. That's a fucking... You talk a woman into telling her there's a ghost and a monkey, you're a fucking genius. Not just as a ghost. And you gotta solve it with your cock. She's gotta give him money.

That's a great idea. It's a brilliant... Not even fuck up, but give him money to... I wanna see what this girl looks like. There's gotta be a picture of this dummy. Not so far. I don't really wanna money to boo. I want to see what this girl looks like. There's got to be a picture of this dummy. Not so far. I don't really want to see her picture. I'll be sad.

Poor gal. His name was Huang Jianpuan. Brilliant. H-U-A-N-G-I-A-N. He was an Asian grammar school dog. He was that little Chinese dude in the back that got fucking A's and everybody threw fucking paper clips at him. Look, he's a gangster. Now he's getting his dick sucked and getting paid.

That really is funny, man. That is classic. That's classic type shit. Explained the ghost in her vagina were preventing her boss from falling in love with her. Oh, my God. Check this. So she must have come to him and said, I want my boss to fall in love with me. And so she was a conniver, man.

So he convinced her because the ghosts in her vagina were preventing her boss from falling in love with her. Holy shit. A ghost that he could easily catch with his penis. How could you fucking arrest that guy? Come on, man. Because they don't have high five there? That's rude. Arresting this guy for that is rude. You should be able to go to court

and say, well, Your Honor, what I told her was that her vagina was haunted and the only way she's going to be able to steal her boss away from his wife is if she let me fuck her and catch the ghost with my dick. Get the fuck out of my court.

You'd be like, get your lunchbox and get the fuck out. You wanted to sue him for what? You thought that was true? You thought really he was going to get the ghost out with his dick? Get the fuck out of my court. Call the cops and tell them this shit? The straight face. Listen, I got to arrest the guy. He stuck his dick in my fucking whatever and told me I had a ghost in there.

Okay. He fucking totally lied to me. I guess it's the money. It was the $3,250 that they had a problem with. But meanwhile, how can they prove it? He probably wrote a check. How can they prove it? How can they prove that he didn't get the ghost out?

Smell it. Ectoplasm? Smell it? Smell it. See if it smells haunted. If it smells like a shoe. It could be a rigged game though. She waits right until you start and she farts her in your face.

Nah, they can't fart out like that. It's a fucking crazy world out there though. You can talk people into anything. Well, you can definitely fall out like that. It's a fucking crazy world out there though. You can talk people into anything. Well, you can definitely talk some people into almost anything.

Into anything. Go to a farmer's market on a Sunday. Just pick somebody. Any of those Laurel Canyon farmer's markets,

just stay in the back. There's always one. Go to Burning Man. Oh, they got the hat on,

the whole fucking thing. How many people do you think you could talk into joining a cult if you went to Burning Man? Three. You could have three.

You could walk out of there with a little leash. I got to have a plan. I got to have a plan where to take them. Why the reason why they have to suck your dick, the drink from the anointing of the sick, the whole thing. You got to have a plan. You just can't go to Burning Man and drop knowledge on bitches. You gotta have a plan.

Well, you have to have a little bit of a plan, but then from there you can make it up as you go along. And it's tremendous because you can get a soldier and then his girlfriend

and then his girlfriend and then you recruit two chicks and some motherfucking momo and you're off and running. One of those idiots is a trust fund baby.

Right, at least one. You can talk, listen, what can you get from your dad? Well, he's such a pig. You know, he makes condoms and cigarettes and he sells he's a banker he's an asshole he's an asshole i could probably get ten thousand okay get ten thousand and yeah i wonder how many of those people like pretend to be kidnapped so that their dad has to send money bro i lived in boulder and i remember kids coming to me and going listen give me a week

i've got to come up with $7,500 for my... I remember them saying they'd work their dads. And then they'd walk around poor, telling people they're poor. And my God, this is so hard living in Boulder. Meanwhile, they're driving a fucking Volvo with an airbag, the whole fucking deal. Well, I know a dude who's really rich who drives beat-up cars because he grew up rich. And he has a pickup truck. So he drives a pickup truck on purpose like he wants to think that he's like a country guy yeah well you know i'm just trying to make it in this here big city i mean he's been a millionaire

that's the people you gotta be scared of those are the people you gotta be scared of well i think someone growing up in that kind of environment if you if you grew up with like i mean name the name super rich multi-billionaire parents living on yachts and you know flying away to boarding school like your reality is so bizarre like your reality of like the potential of your future if you grow up and your parents are weapons manufacturers and your parents have an island off of greece and you know and the dad flies out there in a g5. And they're selling machine guns to Saudi Arabia. And you do breakfast at the president's house. You do breakfast at fucking Clinton's.

And you shoot your guns with Clinton. And Bush comes over. And he brings something tied up. And you shoot him. Bro, that's, you know, I can't even fucking imagine. I can't even fathom that. You know, being that. But just think of where.

Yeah, you're right. Well, I've been there, Joey Diaz. I know you have. Bohemian Grove. I filmed them worshiping Moloch the Owl God. Have you seen that video that he did? No. He did a video of him live from Bohemian Grove.

It was like Alex Jones' one of his first videos. They really do. He's right. They really do have like a ritual that they do there. If you find it online, I guarantee it's up there. Alex Jones live in Bohemian Grove. They find he goes there and these dudes, they're in front of this gigantic stone owl and they have these sticks and they say they're going to burn these sticks like it's an effigy. I guess the idea behind that is the sticks are supposed to represent a sacrifice. And in the old days, they actually

used to take a person and light them on fire. This alex jones he's much younger i was there ladies and gentlemen hiding in the bushes watching this satanic ritual take place with your tax dollars and these dudes put on robes and they go out there with torches that's that's eyes wide shut that's the same shit don't don. Don't fuck with the music. Or the sound, rather. What's this? Who else is doing this? Now, come on.

This is... Crazy. This is fucking beyond crazy. Because this is real. So fucking beyond crazy Because this is real So I mean this is No wonder Alex Jones is so crazy If you went there live And you saw this

You would believe That anything is possible If there's some dude Who has a bundle of sticks Is there a woman That they're pretending That they're going to sacrifice Is that the idea

Is there a woman Who's like Tied up there I wish I knew the whole story See it looks like They got like a person That they're going to pretend tied up there. I wish I knew the whole story. See, it looks like they got a person that they're going to pretend to sacrifice then they burn these sticks. And it's like, what?

Just knowing that that's real. This was in Texas? I don't know. Seems like it would be. Let's look it up. Bohemian Grove. Hold on, let's do the soundtrack. This is amazing. This is a soundtrack's do the soundtrack. This is amazing. This is a soundtrack of death right here. Listen to this.

No, it's in California. Oh, my God. That makes sense. It's so southern, though. You're like... Did it? It sounded, you know... Where'd this happen?

Tell me where this happened so I can avoid this fucking neighborhood. Where'd this happen? Past Visalia, right? Somewhere in northern California. Yeah, this is past Visalia before San Francisco. You'll kill me. You'll kill me. You pull over for a taco, they're done.

Alex Jones of Bohemian Grove, live, famous footage. This is what tuned me in to the Illuminati, ladies and gentlemen. There was a dark time before that where they hid in the shadows. Wow. This is real. That's so strange. I mean, even if it's just for a goof, if people go, oh, you're just misconstruing what's going on there. The idea is just for fun. What kind of an asshole stands around in a robe waiting for all this stupid shit to take place? This has taken place for over 15, 20 minutes, and they're all in orderly line, kind of an asshole stands around in a robe waiting for all this stupid shit to take place like this has taken place for over like 15 20 minutes and they're all in orderly line like waiting on this

in this very weird ritual like who would want to participate in this so the idea is that uh there's a washington post article about it you had better music it'd be cool i mean look at that. There's a bunch of fire and people dressed up and smoke. But they're not even moving. It's not like they're dancing. Like, what if they had great music and they're just standing still?

See, that's so much better. That's going to get us pulled from YouTube. You fuck. The digital signatures, God damn it. I scrambled the signal. Didn't you hear it?

Oh, yeah. So there's an article here in the Washington Post about this Bohemian Grove thing. And these guys are standing around these gigantic redwood trees and shit. And they're all these really super rich guys. It says two future U.S. presidents, Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon, are pictured with Harvey Hancock, not to be confused with Herbie Hancock.

Was that the guy, the love bug? No. Herbie Hancock was the musician, right? Harvey Hancock standing and others at the Bohemian Grove in the summer of 1967. Wow. This is amazing. Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon. Check this out. Nixon said in his Watergate tapes,

he said, if I were to choose the speech that gave me the most pleasure and satisfaction in my political career, it would be the lakeside speech at the Bohemian Groveve in 1967 because this speech traditionally was off the record and received no publicity at the time uh but then he said that the bohemian grove that i attended from time to time the easterners and the others came there and it became the most faggy goddamn thing i could ever imagine. Richard Nixon. Nixon said that?

Yeah. That San Francisco crowd that goes there, it's just terrible. I mean, I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco. Nixon said that? Yeah. Nixon was such a terrible human being. Look at this picture of this photo of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon talking to this guy, it's really strange. Like, they really do have a place

where, like, these old, rich, elite guys get together and sit down and talk about shit. Like, they really did have places like that where they would meet up in these special locations. Like, that idea has always been, like, this wacky conspiracy theory thing that the elites get together and they meet and they wear robes but no they fucking really do like look at that look they're hanging around in a forest and nixon and ronald reagan are there with their their dinner jackets on colonel sanders and a couple of looks like john way in the lower right, doesn't it?

Yeah. It looks like a little John Wayne-ish. Bunch of weird old dudes. So strange. We're only, it's going to be like. One fucking black dude. Not one, of course not. It's going to be like long after these guys are gone.

Obviously Reagan and Nixon are both gone now, but I mean like long, long after. Anybody who's alive now. In the future we're're gonna have like just a sort of a whisper of what happened there right you know well somebody's gonna find the letter there's got to be proof a picture a photograph something somebody's gonna write some crazy shit down that chick wasn't that picture in 1957 she was never seen after that tucked. Tucked away in an attic somewhere. I'll be here, say. 2,700 acre compound. Excuse me.

2,700 acre compound in Monte Rio, California for two weeks of heavy drinking, super secret talks, druid worship. The group insists that they are simply revering the Redwoods and other rituals. Their purpose, to escape the frontier culture or uncivilized interests of common man. Wow. This is the fucking Washington Post who wrote this. The people that gather at Bohemian Grove, who have included prominent business leaders, former U.S. presidents, musicians, and oil barons,

are told that weaving spiders come not here, meaning that business deals are to be left outside. One exception was in 1942 when planning for the Manhattan Project took place at the Grove, leading to the creation of the atomic bomb. God damn! Joey Diaz, answer me this truthfully. How hard did that edible kick in about 15 minutes ago? I have no idea.

He thinks you're talking about Bohemian Rhapsody. He got to a certain point where I saw him check out. I saw his eyes roll back, and I'm like, oh, okay. I'm good. I'm good. I've been good all day. Is it a Chibichew? The Chibichew taken to deep waters?

Yeah. What's the 70 what? 70 milligrams of the pain. I took a pop of one of those. 70 milligrams. What is a normal dose? It's like 10? 20, 30.

70? 70's nothing. It's 175 is the deca. 175. That's 175. The one that makes people fucking cringe. That's scary, right? That's a scary one. That's too scary. That's a little too real. You're making me nervous. Life becomes too real. I saw that

movie trailer that was pulled that you were in. Yeah, yeah. That looked really good, actually. You had making me nervous. Life becomes too real. I saw that movie trailer that was pulled that you were in. Yeah, yeah. It looked really good, actually. Yeah, it pulled everything. You had a great line in it. What movie trailer? Fucking everything, dog. I'm not going to say what it is. What are you talking about? Joey Diaz in this picture. No, what are you talking about from movie deal?

What is it? Why'd they take it down? I have no idea. Warner Brothers took it down. But they put up. What is it? They took it down. They did their own movie. Why'd they take it down? I have no idea. Warner Brothers took it down. But they put it up? Somebody else put it up. I don't know. It was a leaked trailer.

Oh. How do you leak a trailer? Somebody that's paid to edit it gets paid $10 an hour and he just puts it online or something like that. Oh. It's amazing. So he made his own trailer? It's amazing how people- Oh, no.

He gets paid to do it. He's probably at home sitting in Burbank doing it. So I got the story. It's something fucking unique. The high-level people who rob those movies, they don't rob the movie from the movie theater with the camera no more. No. They tap into Warner Brothers or Fox or Sony.

They tap in the week before the movie gets released or a month before it gets released. They take the movie out, it's backwards. It travels backwards. They have to unwind it, whatever. Boom! Back in business. Is that what they do? So they break into the FTP sites?

The movie is out before... The movie's out. The movies in this country come out three days before you go see them on Friday. Some of them do. If you go into any big market in Detroit, New York, with fucking this badass motherfuckers, Tuesday you could get whatever movie you want, even though the movie's not coming out until Friday. Do you remember when you used to be able to buy them on the street?

And they were these VHS tapes. That's how I bought Pop Fix. They had a cover that was a copy of the real cover. And it was obviously like a common computer printer copy. I allegedly made great money selling Pulp Fiction bootlegs on campus. You know what? I never bought a fucking illegal film. I was always scared to stop for those things.

I don't know why. Especially in New York City. I was always, just don't stop. Yeah, it's a sketchy transaction. Just eliminate the whole fucking problem, you know? There's a lot of times I bought them and they were empty. There was nothing there. I knew guys in the 70s that were taking boxes like Crazy Eddie and putting fucking bricks in them and wrapping them at home.

And they're in a corner. And all of a sudden you pull up and you're like, what do you got? And they're like, speakers, $50. They're $200 at the thing. You're not going to unwrap them. They're wrapped. You're going to put them in your car. You all of a sudden, you pull up. And you're like, what do you got? And they're like, speakers, $50. They're $200 at the thing. You're not going to unwrap them. They're wrapped. You're going to put them in your car. You go home, you get two fucking bricks.

Yeah, that was real common. The pulling up and asking if you want to buy some stereo equipment. Yeah, the stereo. Fuck you. Hey, we had some extras. Yeah, I don't want nothing. I don't want nothing. Go keep driving.

You know, they had that crazy Eddie story. That was brilliant. That's a weird thing about urban environments, isn't it? Yeah. In cities, there's always a scam that's getting run. But I knew there was one point where the scam went sour. There was one point where I heard, you hear shit that people are selling thermoses and their glasses broke. And then you just say, fuck it.

Why even start? I might get a great deal or I might get bullshit and I got to go back looking for the fucking guy the next day for $8. Is it really worth the aggravation, you know? Yeah. But I remember going back to New York in 94 after I got divorced and a friend of mine goes, I got a job selling cars. And he goes, how much money? I go, about $600. He took me to a building, bro.

He took me to a building in Harlem. The top two floors were like going into the gap. Wow. And the original clothes were were like going into the gap. Wow. And the original clothes were on there with the original prices, and it was like 75% off, and you got it. So I remember for like $600 getting three suits and a pair of shoes and two dress shirts or something. You know, nice suits.

Like, wow. Because they're selling them for a third. Somebody robbed them off a truck. But they had blenders in there. They had TVs. They had tables. They had everything. Everything was brand new.

You know, it was probably headed to Ikea or something like that. Who the fuck knows? Wow. They had buildings in New York. When I was growing up, they'd pull up. But there were guys in the neighborhood that you knew had a job at APA Trucking or one of those things, one of those trucking firms. And they'd get shit every fucking Thursday. They get shit every fucking Thursday.

When I was a kid, fucking the trains would move Honda Mini Trails. Honda Mini Trails were the best motorcycle you could buy for a kid who didn't have balls. It was 50cc, and it was automatic. I had one. I bought one for reals. My mother bought me one for reals. And then we found out that you could steal them off the train that came through the area. I had one. I bought one for reals. My mother bought me one for reals. And then we found out that you could steal them off the train that came through

the area like a water. And you would go down there and somebody would jump on the train, break the seal, take the shit off, throw it into the weeds. And then somebody would have to come back with a truck because in those days you put those together. They didn't come built. The tires were on. The bottom was on. But you had to put the seat on. You had to put the steering wheel on. You had to put all that shit on them. It's amazing, dog. So we found out when they were coming in.

And you take three or four of them, keep one, sell three of them. There were 200 retail. So that meant they were probably $85. Wasn't that like a big amount of profit for some organized crime in New York? Because they could steal things off the docks and then resell them someplace else? Yeah, that's it. It costs you nothing. It costs you nothing.

You could sell it for whatever the fuck you want. Right. You know, you could undercut everybody. Why do you think stealing cocaine in the 80s is so popular? Because I control the market. I just got 30 kilos that you're going to pay 44 on yourself for 32. When was the last time anybody ever offered you

to buy something that was stolen? As soon as I moved to California, it stopped. Really? Yeah, yeah. As soon as you moved there. Well, you stopped talking to Boone Shakalaka. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

He had two dildos the other day, and I'm like, wow, these are like brand new. Is Boone Shakalaka or the other guy? The homeless guy. No, no, no. Remember Boone Shak? Boone Chakalaka. The guy with the lighters. The homeless guy. No, no, no. Remember Boone Chakalaka? Yeah, but who's the guy with the lighters? That's.

You got another crazy name. Yeah, fuck. God damn it. Is he still around? Yeah, I just saw him the other day. No, he's not still around. Yeah, he hangs out at the Rainbow now and Mel's. But Boone Chakalaka had this dildo and I'm like, wow, this looks like brand new.

And I'm like, but it's not. Why am I touching it? What the fuck? Do you remember that Kennison talked about the Roxy way back, or the Rainbow, way back in his fucking HBO special? That's how crazy the Rainbow's been. Did you see the Sunset Strip movie I told you about? Did I tell you about this?

No. Sunset Strip just came out on Showtime On Demand. I think you could also get it on iTunes. It's a documentary about Sunstrip starting from the beginning all the way through the mafia all the way through zeros it goes through into all this shit about the the hooker houses that were everywhere i had no idea about like there was like uh whatever like houses that rich people would go to and just had tons of hookers in it and uh you you you it talks about everything and you go buy it and you're just like going by these buildings that you go by every day,

and you're like, holy shit, that was the hooker house. Yeah, it came out in 2012. It's got mad reviews, man. Oh, it's got amazing people in it. It's got an amazing review online. It says, documentary on the famous Los Angeles street. Wow, yeah. So, yeah, it's got five stars or four stars here.

Yeah. I'm getting that shit tonight. Is it available on iTunes? Yep. It's a really well done. There's a lot of people in it. And, uh,

if there is a place in, in like the world that I've ever been to that I feel like is haunted with the memories of the past, not necessarily haunted, but haunted with the, the memories of the past. Not necessarily haunted, but haunted with the memories of the past. It's that area. Yeah. They talk about that a lot.

The haunted aspect of it? Yeah, and they talk about how it used to be like Poppyfield. Not Poppyfield. Like something weird. Here's actually a picture of it. Before it was Ciro's? It was Sunset Boulevard.

Famous Boulevard. Glorified in movies, songs, Zeros. They go through a lot of comedy. Wow. From Doheny to Crescent Heights, there's a lot of ghosts. I believe in sacred places, and I believe that this is. It's a sacred place. That strip is like where you leave and where you go. It's like a place where you go to find your soul. crescent heights there's a lot of ghosts i believe in sacred places and i believe that this is it's

a sacred place that strip is like where you leave and where you come back this is very old-fashioned you know the feeling is still there it's a very yeah you can almost taste it it was about titillation and sex hollywood itself is a magnet of great feminine appeal and sexual appeal. And the strip is kind of the personification of that. Your dreams

can start out there and your dream will end there, you know, if you don't watch your shit. You will die that night and it will be because of whatever

you're chasing. Mickey Rourke. Yeah, he was talking to that other guy and it was just a weird combo. Who was the other guy? Johnny Depp? No, I think it's that guy

That's also comic Damn this looks amazing Could not have happened any place. Oh, don't you ever forget it you fuckers it was so alive Honestly, you mean you shot Omar mom kids Viper room walk Chateau Marmont. Viper Room. Nobody would ever come by and be like, you guys can't do that here.

Are you crazy? It seems like this is a place where people sort of come for refuge. Sunset Strip is a civilization for the brokenhearted, the mistreated, the overlooked, the underloved, and the doomed. If you're going to die, you might as well die here. Die in front of all of us. Why is that guy makeup on? We'll write songs about it. I think it's like the mayor of Sunset Strip or something weird like that.

But why is he? I don't know. Okay. Wow. That looks badass, though. That looks badass. Yeah, really good. I just realized how fortunate I am to have been able to perform there.

Like, it just hit me like Jesus. You think you'd go back? I go to Laugh Factory from time to time. Would you go back to the store? No. Never? No. What if you guys came with me?

No. What the fuck would that do? I'm just kidding. Are you a Ghostbuster? Yeah. I'd go to Dom's show on Tuesdays. Yeah, Dom's show on Tuesdays is great. Well, he has a fun thing he does. It's not just stand-up. He fucks around with the crowd a lot. He tortures them. Oh, yeah's show on Tuesday is great. Well, he does his, he has a fun thing he does.

It's not just stand-up. He fucks around with the crowd a lot, you know. He tortures them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's great at that, you know, and he does his podcast from there, too, sometimes. You know?

I did the podcast. I did it once with Jamie Masada. Once! Once. I gotta call him. I gotta do it. God, that'd be so, if you guys went back to the comedy store,

like, seriously, that would be one of the most amazing things ever. Just having the Rogan Diaz Tuesday spot in the main room sold out every week. It's not happening. It would be awesome. Yeah, but why would we do it there? We could do it at the Ice House tomorrow night. Boom!

Joey Diaz is doing his podcast there. And then boom! I'm there with Eddie Ift and Brian Callen. Tomorrow, 10 p.m. Ice House, Pasadena. And then, boom, I'm there with Eddie Ift and Brian Callen. Tomorrow, 10 p.m. Be there, bitches. You see, the difference is the energy at the Ice House is all, like, there's a long history of it, and there's also what we bring there. And what we've been bringing there, there's plenty of spirits at the Ice House, son.

This is not negative. There's no murdered people. There's no, like, holes in the fucking basement covered in cement with dead people. People don't realize we're not exaggerating, it was Ciro's nightclub. It was owned by Bugsy Siegel. Bugsy Siegel, that guy was a gangster. That guy had to have killed people. That's back when you could just kill people. And that dirty, crazy

street, that nutty energy that that place has, it only makes sense that people died there. The piano player Jeff Scott recently posted on his Facebook the tunnel going underneath the street where they used to take the bodies underneath to where it used to be something else. Crest Hill. To the house. Yeah, that was, well,

I don't know if it's true, but that was the rumor always, was that in the back of the main room there was a doorway to a tunnel, and the tunnel led up the hill to Crest Hill where the mansion was. Because the property was sold together. Allegedly. But that's like one of those things, like fucking Ichabod Crane. Well, there is a tunnel.

Is that true? Yeah. There's a lot of shit down there. You can go see it right now. If they have a tunnel, somebody died. That's all you need to know. There's a lot of shit down there. There's a room down there that goes this way, and it cuts across, and they could keep going to different things.

There's a lot of shit down there. The shooting holes. Well, one of the ideas in this Questions Everything show was to go and spend the night at a haunted house. And I was thinking, there's no better place to stay than the comedy store. Basement of the comedy store, too. Yeah.

That would be terrifying. I'm going to shit my pants. Carl DeBow used to tell a story on stage about how a time where when he was young, we'll have him come in here and tell it someday. When he was young, he was staying at the store and he's at the store like his wife kicked him out or something like that. And he got, he was forced to stay at the store.

So he was sleeping on the stage. It's like, I'm here to make my dreams happen, man. I'm not letting some chick get in my way. So I'm just going to lie down here. And he said he was lying down. He told it on stage. It was like a Halloween show we had in the main room. It was fucking great.

And he was like, and He told it on stage. It was like a Halloween show. We had in the main room It was fucking great. He was like and so I'm on stage and I hear clink clink clink Like this chairs moving it is pitch black and I'm like hey Hey, it's me Carl You know, I had uh had nowhere else to stay Silence this one, but he was a doorman back then You know like what right before Kennison had even made it. And he said he heard another clink clink, like he heard another chair. And they said then out of nowhere,

two hands grabbed his legs and dragged him to the edge of the stairs. And he said there was no one there. He said he didn't see anything. By the time he got up, he scrambled. The person, whatever it was, just disappeared. And he said he freaked out, ran out of there.

It's a great story. It could have easily been Boone Shakalaka. I saw Kennison there. I saw Kennison there one night. Did you really? I saw Kennison there one night. You saw him perform there? No, I saw him by the belly room going up the stairs one night.

What do you mean? You saw a ghost? You're shaking your head yes. Did it come out of a pussy? No, I was sitting there watching. I was up next. Did she use your dick as an actress? I was up next to the other two,

and I was standing by that thing there, and I kept seeing, there's a light on the top of the belly room. There's a big red light, dog. And you're still watching the comic. And I had like two away, so it was that comic and one more before me and I was watching

waiting killing time and I kept seeing something keep going past my eye you see the light how many days did you get awake it wasn't that bad

I didn't do blow and go on stage I did blow when I got off stage and I'm sitting there going what the fuck is this light and finally I look up

you know how you wore that stupid long jacket? Yeah. It was like I saw the tail end of the jacket. I went upstairs. There was nobody up there, dog. I saw it. I saw it with my own two fucking eyes.

I never felt nobody. I never got chased. Nobody pulled me. Dice has a story where he was upstairs and they heard them banging on the door. Crazy Corey Cuomo has a story where she heard music in the fucking main room

like old band music like the Titanic type music who who was the older guy that was a veteran Brett

something right now I don't know a lot of people heard different things I never got touched or pulled I know that the original room

has a weird energy. And you're right. The Sunset Strip does have something special. There's something there. There's something there. No doubt about it. There's something that points at that comedy store.

The big mistake they're going to do is they're going to knock that down and build something over it. And it's going to be like a Carrie movie. The hands are going to come out of the ground. I mean, that's the truth, guys. There's something there. Somebody committed suicide there. People gave their lives there. Somebody committed suicide there. People gave their lives there.

How many people died and didn't make it as comics? I'm fucking sure it's haunted. Well, how about the guy who jumped off the roof? Sure that fucking place is haunted. Remember they had the strike? Yeah, yeah. Sure it's haunted. You know that building in Gardner, all those buildings. People on those buildings, bro.

People that are straight, legit people say, this block is haunted on Gardner behind El Compadre. Yeah, no doubt. All those buildings there bro. People that are straight, legit people say, this block is haunted. I'm guarding it behind El Compadre. Yeah, no doubt. All those buildings there, they're haunted. How many people killed themselves

in those buildings coming out here? Look at this fucking young kid that iced himself last week from a Disney show. 29 years old, he's on fucking Rizzoli and Isles.

A fucking black kid, 29 years old with a shotgun. I go to do the podcast with Lee. I go to make a right and there's cops all over my fucking corner.

He lives in that fucking building there. What possesses people? He wasn't on drugs, that kid. I used to go down to the One Hop Condo with that kid. What possesses people to do that shit? Who knows? That's Hollywood. That's Hollywood. You know, Judy Canciati's back.

She's at the Ha Ha Cafe. Why would Judy Canciati try to make a comeback? Don't say it. She's going to sue you. I don't give a fuck. She sued Don Barris. Oh, dude, I just saw her and Don Barris have a fight that lasted like 30 minutes. Yeah, it's hard.

Screaming and yelling. These people come out here and they get crazy, man. And, you know, I'm very happy. I was talking to a Graham Elwood call to invite us to the podcast convention. And I go, Graham, do you know that me and you were the same manager in 2000? We're still here. Whether we're fucking rich or successful or we're on a TV show, we're still here. No car crashes.

We haven't OD'd. We're here. How fucking lucky are we, dog? We're very lucky to have gone through what we've gone through. At the store and having a great time and the comedy that I just saw that I had goosebumps.

I'm a fucking fat ex-felon from North Bergen, New Jersey. I was at the comedy store doing blow, developing, getting better, seeing the fucking world,

walking to the store, walking from the union on Tuesday night to the store and walking back to the Laugh Factory. Remember we used to walk to the Standard all the time?

To the Standard and eat the blue cheeseburgers. Yeah. Fucking delicious. Come on now. The place was incredible. I remember that fucking idiot that sold the lighters. The first weekend.

That's the guy, yeah. Yeah, the first weekend. Monkey Balls. The first Monday I was ever here, I walked into the fucking comedy store and Don Paris put me on stage. Thank God I knew Eddie Griffin. He put me on a Monday night. Don Paris still had the shorts on, still had the balloons on Wow the next day

They told me to go to the laugh at you. That's where you went on Tuesdays Yeah, I stood on line all day and you did three minutes and I stood on line all day Guess who was online with me all day monkey balls, and he knew the whole History of comedy in LA who you had a sign with who was gonna see you I thought this guy was a master comic. And he went on stage and he lost his voice. I never laughed so hard in all my life. He went up there and all of a sudden

all day he's talking, telling stories. Now he's like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, dying. That was monkey balls. Then he became a lighter salesman and rings and wheels beat him. Yeah, he always had those lighters with titties in them. Brian Callen and Don Barris. Yeah, he always had those lighters with titties in them. Brian Callen and Don Barris. Yeah, Brian Callen and Don

Barris have this thing where Don Barris pretends to bang Brian Callen in his booty hole. He gets his pants down and everything. And they have this thing. They act it out. And it's so realistic. He presses

Callen's mouth against his cock. He makes it like he's pulling his cock out and jerks off on him and finishes it. And it's made extra special by the fact that Don Barris, without wearing a costume, is doing this in a jumpsuit. He wears a tracksuit naturally. It's not like he dressed up for this role where he could pull his cock out really easy. No, it's a part of his thing. And on top of that, Don Barris role where he could pull his cock out really easy. No, it's just a part of his thing. And on top of that, Don Barris is rumored to have a cock the size of your arm.

It's huge. That's what I understand. That's the rumor. Every time he's been about to pull it out on stage, I get out of the room. I don't want to get depressed. That's the one thing, man. I mean, if you don't have a giant dick and another guy has a giant dick, you're like, whoa, well, what the hell? I mean, you could always't have a giant dick and another guy has a giant dick, you're like, whoa. Well, what the hell?

I mean, you could always get rich. Make enough money, you could buy a nice house too. But if a guy's got a giant dick, he's got a giant dick. He's got a, ugh. I forget, it was like a year ago or something like that. He had a boner for some reason. He wanted to show a girl in the audience. And he was just like outlining it with his hand.

Like, look how big this is, honey. You know, like he's just trying to like. It's like a 12-inch dick, right? It was huge. It's a giant fat dick dick it's not a skinny 12 inches either it's not like one of those white guys in the movies where it's long but you're like yeah but it's like it's tapered the beginning the end of it is like small it's weird you know there's some long dicks that aren't impressive don barris is a dick it looks like a big german dick you, like a big Austrian dick. Which you'd imagine some fucking hiker would have.

Joey Dan's done. Look at him. He's thinking about dicks. He's shaking his head like, yeah, yeah. I understand. I understand. I got a big dick too, cocksucker. I need this shit. We don't need this shit. If anybody needs this shit, listen, is there any more tickets to you Wednesday night

at the Ice House? Yes. There are. 626-577-1890, whatever the fuck it is. So Joey is at the Ice House, 8 o'clock, 8.30, and then you come on at 10. Stick around, man. Do a spot. Do a spot next door. Let's see what happens.

He's not going to. He's not going to do two shows in a night. It's most likely not going to happen. I'm going to go home. Oh, Carlos Condor tomorrow night. Yes. Yes, tomorrow night. Martin Kampman versus Carlos Condor.

And Dos Anjos against Cowboy Cerrone. Yes. Yes. So there's a great fucking card tomorrow night. Then we're going to Milwaukee. Yes. And we got a great show at the Paps. There's only 100 tickets left.

Yes. It's going to rock. Last time we had six circles of people smoking reefer, bazookas, eating edibles. Somebody made a trade. Black Security was going to fucking Take Rogan home They were hugging him And shit Oh they were the nicest

People ever The nicest fucking people ever Those girls They took care of me We made a video of it Yeah so I'm looking forward To going to Milwaukee Thank you for coming out

We're gonna have a fucking Blast cocksuckers We're gonna have a great time But I'm going to Gotham On Friday the 13th Joe Rogan So you're gonna have to Don't think that we don't

Appreciate the fuck out of you guys That's right we do You know we talk about it All the time We know that we're Incredibly lucky In that we don't appreciate the fuck out of you guys. That's right, we do. We talk about it all the time. We know that we're incredibly lucky. We're in this weird situation where we have the nicest, I don't even want to call them fans, the people that come out to these shows,

the nicest people, period, just humans. Family. They're just, the atmosphere is just cool as fuck. After the shows, these are a few people get real nervous, their hands get sweaty, and they're strange. I love them. For the most part. Come on down.

Just put deodorant on. Don't be hugging me with a fucking stink bomb under your shirt. How many times, though, when you take pictures of dudes, they're just completely sweaty? I'm sweaty, too, so I don't give a... I tell them. When women touch me, I get all nervous. I tell them, please don't touch me because I'm sweaty. And they don't give a fuck, so fuck it.

They want to touch you. And you go home and take the shirt off and put it on the couch. The next day, just take a whiff of it. It smells like fucking a chick with a ghost in a snatch. Yeah, this is the chicks that took care of us last time. Look at this. This is going to be bossing. Milwaukee, don't fucking sleep on it.

They kept the line going. They kept everybody in line. Because we've been, after shows we'll meet people and we've been doing it for forever like i don't know man i don't know how it started how it started where we just hang around after shows but it was a long ass time ago it don't matter we just decided come and we hang out afterwards that's all it makes well you know what we decided and we even talked about it we decided that it's uh even if we want to leave like it's it's way better for them if they get to hang out and take a picture with us and get to leave, it's way better for them if they get to hang out and take

a picture with us and get to meet us. It's a better experience. So it's part of the experience. They go to the show, they have a good time, and then afterwards we'll hang around with them and talk to them and take photos with them. So it's not just, we're not just doing a comedy show and then getting the fuck out of there. We appreciate you guys coming as well. And then when I walk into the UFC, people start yelling,

D.A.! And you're like, hi. You're like, no, no, no, no. Come on, you motherfucker. Those people at the UFC are crazy. And sometimes I have to leave. I've got to do interviews afterwards. And they're screaming, stay!

I'm like, I can't. I've got to go. They're dragging me out of here. They'll keep you there forever. They bribe the security and let them get up front. Oh, no, it's great, man. I love every fucking minute of it. I really do.

Well, that's the UFC, too. They give a lot of access to fans with those fan expos and Q&As. Hey, man, it's the way it's supposed to be. It is the way it's supposed to be. And now other leagues are learning from Dana White. That's what you got to do to be successful. People want the full experience. People will pay to get fucking armbarred by Chuck Liddell. And you got to do to be successful. People want the full experience. People will pay

to get fucking armbarred by Chuck Liddell. And you know what? So would I. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If you're a fan. If you're a fan,

you go to the Fan Expo, learn how to roll. I don't care whether you're a white, fellow, or brown, but they're not going to kill you. You're going to get

one great thing out of it in a picture. Yeah. You're going to get a memory for life. I can never do that. You know, I went to Willis Reed's basketball camp. There was no pictures then. You didn't take a picture with Yeah. Memory for life. I can never do that. You know, I went to, I went to like a Willis-Reeds basketball camp. There was no pictures then. You didn't take a picture

with nobody. You went, it was all from memory. He signed the t-shirt. Big fucking deal. Carlos Condit had a great video of him sparring with guys, like rolling with guys. He went to like an army base. Yeah. Richie, Rich Franklin's done it too. Yeah. They'll go and they'll roll with people. Yeah. Benson Henderson's done it a bunch of times Yeah Hannah Gracie did it too They go and they'll go to a base That's right

Frank Mir against Babyface Assassin Who else is on this card? Is that Milwaukee? Yeah, we got a great card We got my man Motherfucking Clay Guida Against who the fuck is Oh, the Spanish kid

The one that lost to Aldo in Brazil He's part of Team Alpha Male Dwayne Bang trains him Against who the fuck is oh, oh the Spanish kid the one that lost Aldo in Brazil He's part of team alpha male Dwayne bang-bang trains him Which one little kid little kid little kid he lost to Jose Aldo the knee to the face Oh Chad Mendes Mendes is also played we just fighting 45. Yeah, he's fighting for Chad Mendes. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby Yeah, I'll read the card off to you right yeah. Yeah, yeah. Give me the undercard, baby. I don't know what the fuck. Okay, here we got.

Oh, Jesus. We got a lot of shit. Hit me. Hit me. Brandon Varo versus Ben Rothwell. God damn! Holy shit. Yeah, yeah.

We got a card. That's a crazy fight, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot about that one. Eric Koch versus Dustin Poirier. There you go. There you go. God damn.

Barnett versus Mir. Clay Guida versus Chad Mendes. Jamie Varner versus Glaleason Tebow. Oh, shit. This is a great fucking card. And then, of course, the title fight, Benson Henderson versus Anthony Pettis. That is fucking nuts. Rufus will be there Friday jumping up and down and shit,

throwing sidekicks for Jesus. That's an amazing fight, man. Henderson versus Anthony Pettis is going to be fucking insanity. You know, Pettis has a 56% KO rate. 56%. That motherfucker's a beast. I forgot he fucked up Joe Loza. Yeah, dude, with a head kick.

How about Donald Cerrone? He fucked him up with a body kick. No, no, no. His left leg is nasty, man. He's a bad motherfucker. Remember when he hit Cerrone with that crazy knee, too? The Showtime knee? He bounces off the cage and pops his knee through a small opening and catches him in the face.

That kid's wild, man. And so's Henderson. Henderson's a fucking beast. He's only gotten better since he won the title. He's only gotten better since he lost the title to Pettis. He's an amazing fighter. He's a different fighter than when he lost to Pettis, bro. This is going to be an amazing fight, man.

This is going to be a great weekend. This is going to be amazing. Yeah, This is going to be a great weekend. This is going to be amazing. I'm fucking excited. Yeah, this is a sick card, sick weekend. So we'll see you guys at the Pabst Theater. And we'll see you tomorrow night at the Ice House. And also tomorrow, we're going to have a podcast here with the one and only Everlast. And Everlast has released a new acoustic-only CD.

And he got the idea from doing it from performing on podcasts, from getting on our podcast. acoustic only CD. He got the idea from doing it from performing on podcasts, from getting on our podcast and doing it for the first time, performing acoustic like that and getting this massive reaction. All the love is what inspired him. Last time he was here,

he pulled me into the car and said, Brian, I need to tell you something. He showed me. Supposedly, I hope it's still on there but he said uh we talked about I said that you should do like uh how that one song jump jump up and go down you should do an acoustic version of that he's like no I hate those songs but he's like he played it for me in his car and he's like how is this and I was like what the fuck oh so he did it are you allowed to say that oh I don't know is that you breaking I mean it's out now right any laws no don't know. I mean, it's out now, right?

No, I think it is out. I think it's out right now. I think it came out today. I think it's out Tuesday. That's cool. Yeah, it's going to be sick. I like him acoustically even better than House of Pain. Me too.

And I think House of Pain is amazing. What is that song, Little Miss America? Was that one song? God damn, that's a good fucking song. America, was that one song he had? God damn, that's a good fucking song. And ever since, what it's like, like, people, like, caught his acoustic shit is, like, way deeper.

It's way more emotional and touching. Jump Around's always gonna be, like, an anthem. It's always gonna be, like, a cool song to hear. But Acoustic, it's awesome. The version he played for me. Can I pump my dates? Yeah. I'm gonna be with Tony Hinchcliffe September 26th at Stand Up Live at Phoenix, Arizona, and the following. I'm going to be with Tony Hinchcliffe September 26th at Stand Up Live at Phoenix, Arizona. And the following day

I'm going to Ohio, Columbus, Ohio at Woodlands Backyard with Tom Segura, Christina Piszczewski, and Tony and me. Alright, we'll see you dirty freaks tomorrow and May Oden bless you all. We love the shit out of you. See you soon. Sponsors, they can go fuck themselves. They know

who they are. Listen, stamps.com, enter in the code word JRE, go to onnit.com, use the code word ROGAN, audible.com forward slash joe. We love the fuck out of you guys. See you soon. Thank you.