The Joe Rogan Experience - #391 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: September 10, 2013

Duncan Trussell is a stand-up comedian, and host of his own podcast, The Duncan Trussell Family Hour, available on Spotify.

The Joe Rogan Experience. I'm happy with them. Sounded good. Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Boom. So did you run out and get a new iPhone today? September 22nd. Are you going to camp out?

No, but I need to. I shattered this fucking phone. I got to get another phone. What did you do? Nothing special. I just pushed it off a shelf accidentally and it broke do you try to go gangster and use no case is that what you're doing yeah yeah that's a silly man's move well no it's because i it is stupid to not have a case and i

always it it happens where i'll have a case but there's always some necessity to take the case off i don't it's something will always happen where I have to take off the case. Like to put in one of those new charging cases or to switch cases and then I just, it breaks. My phones always break.

Never had a broken iPhone ever. Ever. I've had every single iPhone. Never had one cracked screen. I've never had an uncracked screen. I've broken

at least one. At least one. Yeah, they feel really nice when they're like this. When it's like this and it's just raw. When you're holding a raw dog, you feel like a gangster. Yeah. Just holding that metal and glass phone.

In that sense, the iPhone's the shit. And then it's like the build quality. It actually is pleasing to hold on to. I feel like I made a smart move in having a phone that's this cool. I am. Yeah, I can't wait. I am excited about the new Siri. Get the fuck out of here.

There's a new Siri? I didn't watch it. What? It's the new Siri. The new Siri. You can actually ask Siri what Lady Gaga's tweets are. It'll tell you? Yeah.

Wow. What happens if you do that now? I don't know. Let's find out. What's Lady Gaga's tweets? Okay, but first you need to install the Twitter app. You don't have a Twitter app?

I don't use the Twitter app. I use TweetBot. Well, install the Twitter app, bitch. What's my name? You're Brian. Wow, that's kind of crazy. I need to call you Dr. Fudge Packer. You have that programmed?

Yeah. How'd you do that? Because all you have to do is just go to Siri and go, from now on, call me Fuck McFuckerson. And then from now on, they'll be like, all right, fuck McFuckerson. Here's your results and stuff like that. That's ridiculous. I don't use Siri ever.

I've been using it more. From now on, call me Amanda. What good does it do you? I don't know who you are, but you can tell me. In Siri settings. Oh, I see. In settings. You got to go to settings.

Who wants to do that? Hey, can I announce this thing that I'm working on? Being sexy? Yeah. Because you got there, son. Hell yeah. Congratulations. I told you this thing about ordering an Oculus Rift.

I ordered an Oculus Rift. I'm scared I'm going to lose you. So here's what I want to do. And I made this announcement on my podcast. I don't know how to do this shit, but I suddenly realized that I could crowdsource this thing that I want to do and get help from the podcast community to help me do this thing, which is I want to combine like Second Life 3D virtual environments with doing live podcasts with the Oculus Rift and some kind of motion sensing technology so that the movements of people doing the podcast get translated to the avatars on stage. So basically the idea would be in Second Life or some other virtual environment, you and I could put on Oculus Rifts and stare out at a live audience of avatars who are watching the podcast

in 3D space. Because I think if we could pull that off, it would be one of the most psychedelic, badass things. Because something I always remember is the time we were in Chicago. That's the biggest crowd I ever performed for. It was like 3 or 3 400 people it was fucking crazy for me man i'd never performed for that many people just that wall of humanity in front of you it was insane and with podcasts it's curious because you sort of in the back of your head you know that there's some massive audience listening to this to your podcast you know a lot of people and if you could just get a visual representation of that if like five percent of your audience or ten percent of your audience were able to access this technology and watch the

podcast so that you could then look out at the crowd of like 30,000 50,000 avatars robots vampires unicorns whatever people decided to be Via a rift man that would be fucking cool. That would be so cool. Oculus Rift catches on I don't see myself wearing that shit. It's gonna like kind of when they can connect sensor Are you even talking about if Oculus Rift catches on yeah? Do you do you know what you think is a statement is do you think it's an Oculus Rift catches on yeah do you do you know how ridiculous that statement is do you think this oculus rift catches on do you think that when this comes out it's going to be go crazy that's going to blow up it's going to be the craziest thing that humanity's ever seen you think you're going to have 3d environments that people can create and you can go into them

with virtual reality it's the thing that people thought the future was going to be way back in 1980 yeah they had movies about it. They would put on virtual reality helmets and enter into these different worlds. Everybody thought that VR was going to be something that was mastered by now. But up until now, it's been pretty crude and goofy. And expensive. It's been really big if you wanted to do it.

Brian, people I know have put this thing on. Right. They say that it's like... It's supposedly awesome. I agree. Sony has supposedly a better one coming out next year. They say the impact is going to be akin to TV.

It's basically like the new TV. Sony's going to hook one up to their PlayStation? Yeah, supposedly their new PlayStation. They're having a more accurate version of one. I still think it's awesome. I can't wait to play with it. I also don't see it changing the world like an iPhone or

a phone or a cell phone or something. Maybe not that extreme because the connectivity of a cell phone is pretty incredible. What cell phones have been able to do is connect people all across the world with information. It'll be that extreme. I think it'll be more extreme.

Follow this. This is what happens. Here's what's going to happen. It'll go from development into being applied to certain games. It'll become accessible. You can play Borderlands on it or something like that. And the description of this is like, so you put this thing on

and now you are in the video game. So it's perfectly tracking your head movement. At first, it's going to be, it won't be perfect, I bet. I've heard it's pretty damn close though, right? At first, it's going to be a little off. But as the thing develops and improves, it's not just going to track your head movement. It's going to track your eye movement, you know?

And then this combines with something called haptic technology, which is this. Have you seen this, man? These new air guns that like blast out air at specific parts of your body so if you're getting shot you can actually feel yourself getting shot then you combine that with this omnidirectional treadmill and now you are fully immersed in a different universe so that is going to be it's going to be fun, but I think it's going to be like you go to an arcade to have this experience. I don't think it's going to be in everybody's house.

People aren't going to have treadmills in their house and doing air guns and stuff like that. Well, apparently, dude, this treadmill's really small. And you can just park it in front of a TV just like you have a chair in front of a TV. It's portable. And what's going to happen is this is going to keep improving.

It's not just going to stop at, like, Borderlands or stop at World of Warcraft. It's going to get better and better and better until games become indistinguishable from reality. So you put this thing on, and you'll no longer be in this world, but you'll be in another world that's crossed that uncanny valley, as they call it, and seems real. And that's where we'll start seeing the first legal cases of people who committed crimes because they thought that they had taken off there or they'd put on a VR device and they hadn't have. That's what's going to start happening. Well, that would have to be far more interactive than this current level of technology. You'd have to have something that gets into your actual mind itself and changes the way you feel things.

I have people who come over and play Grand Theft Auto with me who haven't played it before, and they leave and call me, and they're like, man, I want to run over people now. That game makes me want to run over people. They're joking, of course, but it does when you're driving after playing that game, it kind of pops into your head like, oh, look at that crowd of people you could plow down. Do you play it with a steering wheel or do you use one of

those... Grand Theft Auto uses a it might have a steering wheel function but I think it uses the Xbox controller. Because you could always get those additional controllers, right? Don't they make those for driving games? It's not really a driving game that Grand Theft Auto is. Oh, no? No. So the running people over is inconsequential it's just the violence

it's just a may it's a mayhem engine so like you end up like inevitably doing something that makes you get chased by the cops and then you flee from the cops and during that time you plow down as many people as you can you can do shit like run someone over or hurt someone and then an ambulance will come to take them to the hospital the new one coming out looks incredible too what a strange desire we have to do horrible things to people with no consequence to just run around and brain people with fucking crowbars and run over them. Like, that is such a strange desire. Yeah. That's fun.

Yeah! Woo! You do it in games. Yeah. Woo! Yeah. It is. It is a big part of us, for sure.

Why? What is that, man? Well, I mean, we come from, we're a predatorial creature. Everything for us to survive, we have to kill. The only way to survive on this planet is to kill plants or animals but you got to kill something if you want to live oh we're predatorial yeah my goodness this comes out next it's fascinating because it's so it's such an exciting thing to play like a really good video game especially against other people

like uh you know what are those those? What's the big one? Call of Duty that everybody plays? Yeah, Call of Duty. Yeah, Call of Duty. Huge one, right? The guys get together, they link TVs up, and they get fucking nutty with each other and play these, like, really, really intense games.

Yeah. And I guess the intensity of, like, really competitive games like that, especially those super immersive ones and high graphics and a huge screen. It's like, how are you going to get that in the regular world? What are you going to do that's going to get you feeling like you're actually in a firefight?

Besides actually going to war. Besides being in a fucking firefight. What else is going to give you that kind of stimulation? Nothing. You're not going to get it driving. Nothing. What we're doing here is we're tunneling into space digitally and creating these alternative

universes that we're using technology to port ourselves into and what the is that that's what's happening it's the impulse to travel it's the impulse to explore being inverted and telescoping into itself instead of going out because there's nowhere else to go we don't have access to rockets most of us don't. Space tourism is going to happen, but it's extremely dangerous. So to satisfy that wandering pilgrim hunter-gatherer spirit that caused us to populate the entire planet, we're now actually ballooning reality out digitally and filling that space in with experiences that people can have that generally involve traveling, exploring, discovering new stuff, new terrain, and part of, and also killing,

because that's also what we did back in the day when we explored. It was, if you were Christopher Columbus, it was Grand Theft Auto, except you had a boat, but you were still like running around chopping people's arms off. Yeah. I mean, you really think about that that is how this country was kind of founded by a bunch of really crazy people that got on. Yeah, and when you really think about that, that is how this country was kind of founded, by a bunch of really crazy people that got on boats with guns and swords, and when they got here, there was a... Our idea that we're taught in school

of what Christopher Columbus and all those people did, and the actual, like, really graphic depictions that have been attributed to this, it's really terrifying, terrifying, horrific, genocidal shit yes that's true yeah people don't like to uh they most people don't like to think about the fact that the what we emerge from is such a violent violent history that is violence beyond anything happening

in the world right now i mean they were, weren't they giving blankets with smallpox on it to Indians? Isn't that, wasn't that one of the- I think that's much later. I think that's the actual United States government. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then that's, then you keep going back and it's like one atrocity after another.

Yeah, that was most certainly done. This guy has a really interesting article about this guy, Ben Cohen. It's in the Daily Banter. It's saying, should a mass murder really be celebrated? And that's about Christopher Columbus. Yeah. I mean, it's really interesting. We get a day off school, you get a day off work.

Yeah. But he did some horrible things. In his quest for gold columbus seeing bits of gold amongst the indians concluded that there were huge amounts of it he ordered the natives to find a certain amount of gold within a certain period of time and if they did not meet their quota their arms were hacked off the others were to learn from this and deliver the gold whoa man yeah fucking whoa yeah their arms were hacked off the others were to learn from this i mean they went brutal gangster evil right away yep that's incredible for gold

yeah listen this is crazy man documenting an eyewitness account of the spanish soldiers by bartholome de las casas a dominican priest zen continues las casas saw soldiers stabbing indians for sport dashing babies heads onto rocks and when the indians resisted the spanish hunted them down equipped for killing with horses armor plate lances p, crossbows, and vicious dogs. Indians who took things belonging to the Spaniards, they were not accustomed to the concept of private ownership and gave freely of their own possessions, were beheaded or burned at the stake. This is crazy. Las Casas testimony was corroborated by other eyewitnesses. A group of Dominican friars addressing the Spanish monarchy

in 1519, hoping for the Spanish government to intercede, told about unspeakable atrocities. Children thrown to dogs to be devoured. Newborn babies born to women prisoners flung into the jungle to die. This is Christopher Columbus.

I mean, this is insane. I mean, whether or not this Los Casas guy, just that Columbus is an asshole. And I'm just going to fucking tell people he's killing babies. I mean, I don't think that that happened. I don't think he talked like that. Why would you make him talk like that? Just a real cunty priest.

Columbus is an asshole. He's a dick. I'm tired of his shit. How many people do you think Columbus killed? Oh, who knows, man. He obviously killed more than one, right? Yeah. Seems like he was a killer.

Chopping arms off. That really did happen. If they cut people's arms off to get more gold out of them, holy shit. They do it today, baby. Every time they drop one of those fucking Hellfire missiles on people, they do worse than chop their arms off. They hamburgerize them, and they get money for that hellfire missile. That's direct conversion of a human body into gold or whatever we use for gold now, depending on where you're from. Well, now it's even more crazy, right?

Because you don't have to actually see it take place. Nope. You know, the drone thing is one of the weirdest things that a human being has ever invented. The drone thing is one of the weirdest things that a human being has ever invented. The ability to fly something somewhere, launch these things from it, and then you don't even have to see it. You're not even there. Using an Oculus, probably. Well, that's probably going to happen, right?

Who knows what kind of stuff. Look, if they're working on Oculus Rift, for sure the government must be using that. Because if they could map out the world, think about this. the government must be using that because if they could map out the world think about this if you could map out the world with a computer if we get to the point where computers are so powerful that they can literally google earth the entire planet every inch not not inconceivable within our lifetimes right if you think about what you know current state of technology if they could get that program that into the rift and you could see the environment everything yeah all as one it's incredible i mean think of what that does to education just instead of like remember like science science could be so fucking boring even though what the teacher is talking about is some

of the most insane things ever you know like the notion of uh even i think back then they didn't even know this but you know the idea that idea that atoms function as particles and waves simultaneously, like weird shit like that. Or the idea of amoeba, describing an amoeba, this giant blob that just kind of sucks things into itself. It's so flat and boring when you hear someone talk about it. But if you've got a rift in your desk and you put that shit on and suddenly you're looking at an amoeba from the perspective of being much smaller than an amoeba, just some giant glistening thing, watching it absorb something as though you're – Oh, that's so fascinating. Yes. Then suddenly it's like, holy shit, this is an incredible planet we're in. You know, because you can only do so much with a description.

That's one thing that it's going to do. There's a lot of amazing things that it's going to do. That's a really good point. I never even thought of that, actually. Yeah, education. It's going to be really good for education. Really good for training people to shoot, I think. It's going to be really good for marksmanship.

Well, you know what the guy from the float lab has been doing? He's been working on technology that allows you to look at videos from inside the tank. He's patented, I think, and he's got all these different versions of it that he's been working on it He calls it like the cellular into CID cellular influence device And the idea is that in the darkness of the tank the tank is so dark that you can You'll have this image in front of you with the lowest light emission possible coming from the screen. And you'll be floating in the tank, so you're not feeling your body. And the information is right in front of your face.

And the light emission is so low that you actually can't even see the television. You only can see the image. And you can watch documentaries. That's super cool. That's pretty badass. Yeah, that's pretty badass. That might be a step on the way to this like rifting because obviously it can't give you the 3D immersive technology feeling,

but then the rift is not giving you floating. Well, the problem with the rift is you're not experiencing the environment with your – you're not feeling the touch of the environment really. You're not feeling – like when you go outside outside you feel the wind blow yeah there's you can smell you know the rift hasn't we we can't hit that yet but what the rift is just one piece of the puzzle leading us in the direction of full immersion into technology well that's it dude dude that's it the what is it is warehouses where people come and bring their rifts and you set up an environmental like environmental reaction place where you have wind and leaves blow around. And we have noises programmed into the walls and you're in this thing plugged into this machine that interacts with you.

to this machine that interacts with you. Yes. Yeah, that's the idea, man. It's, and I think it's going to, you know, gradually get there, but really just the idea of full immersion and the idea of like, I mean, I don't know, can you talk, I don't know what your audience is,

but let's say it's over, let's say it's over 100,000. Let's say it's over 100,000. Imagine sitting and putting on this fucking rift and looking out at 100,000 people watching you. I don't know how many people are watching this stream right now. How many people are watching this stream? 2,000. How many?

A couple thousand probably. 2,000. 2,000. If you could just look out at 2,000 people. Yeah, it'd be weird as fuck. It would be amazing. It'd be weird as fuck it would be amazing it'd be amazing and i and i think there's if people worked i think that this is something we could actually make it's probably going to

happen whether we want to or not well i see that's the thing i was thinking is like well someone's eventually going to make a podcast auditorium that works with the rift or at least works in 3d space then i realized why not like be part of the thing that gets shit moving in that direction i don't know how to code but certainly like we have an audience of people who have coders within it and know how to organize digital projects and could open source a thing that maybe works in second life use some uses like a motion sensing technology to immediately transfer your gestures to your avatar. I think that's really important.

Because otherwise you just have this static thing that's limited to really shitty animations. It needs to be able to translate your hand movements and ultimately your smiles and frowns. I think we're far away from that. I don't think we're that far away, man. Well, I think if everyone who just listened to your podcast, of the people who are programmers, decided to work together,

we could be there in a couple of weeks. I think they're probably already working on all this stuff. Because when I went to NVIDIA for the show, for the sci-fi show, there was a guy we met. God, I wish I could remember his name. I apologize. Very nice guy. He gave us a tour of the latest, greatest technology that bridges that uncanny valley.

And it was incredible. I mean, what they can do now with mimicking human movement, they can't get tongues. Tongues don't come out right. Yeah. Why? Just because it's just too weird. Right. Your tongue's moving around.

What a weird muscle. They can't quite get that. Yeah. They're not so good with hair yet either like full heads of hair like if you're a woman me either but if you're a woman and you have like beautiful hair flow yeah they can't quite get that down think of yeah that's pretty cool man because there's a lot going on there man there's a lot going on amazing amount of calculations but they're all they are very close. Yeah, man.

We are moving in the direction of this happening and also moving in the direction of being able to do comedy shows from your house with this kind of technology. Or you could, like, project a comedy show into virtual space. Second Life already has a lot of this stuff the ability to do this it just i don't think it's been refined um to the point where it could it would be worth doing as a podcast because right otherwise it's just two cartoony things sitting on a stage it also you would have to like ask people to to join it and to buy it and to get in there, and it doesn't really justify that. They don't need the Rift.

The Rift would not be necessary for people because they could come and just watch it on their computer screen. Oh. You know? Brian, pull this up. Pull up NVIDIA FaceWorks real-time performance capture. real-time performance capture. FaceWorks is their,

I believe, is their name, their proprietary name, I guess, for what this thing does. You got it? Yeah. Damn.

Wait till you see this. This is fucking incredible. This guy can move and talk. Right. And it's so goddamn close. that's that's it that's so fucking crazy man yeah look look how fucking close that is it's even weirder when you're seeing it in high def up close yeah it's really good that is badass it's really good but look no tongue you don't see his tongue. They can't get the tongue. And he's bald.

So, see, but even as like, there's a weirdness to it. Just a little bit of weirdness to it still. Yeah. Where you would be pretty sure that it wasn't a guy. But if you were alone in a prison and that thing talked to you, you might actually have a friend. You might actually be like, don't go anywhere. Hey, stay with, talk to me, man. If it talked back.

One day you're going to get a computer that's so smart you're not even going to care that it's a computer. If you have no friends, in the future, everyone will have friends. That's so sweet. You'll be able to judge people based on how subservient their robotic friends are. If you come over to your house and you open the door and the robotic servants are on their knees with their mouth open and you're like, what the fuck? Oh, they didn't know I had company.

And like, that's how you want to be greeted. You want your robotic servants just on their knees with their mouth open as you come to the door and just fuck their face. Oh man. That's who wouldn't want that. You wouldn't even have to feel bad about it. I guess it depends on what mood you're in when you come inside. It also depends.

See, that feeling of being on your knees and sucking a dick, to someone, that's, like, really exciting, and that's something they want to do. So I'm saying as if it's a bad thing for a person to do, and that's why you're getting your robot to do it, whereas there's some freaky people out there that would love that, and there's nothing wrong with that. Right?

Yeah, you don't need a robot today. There's people who will just act like a robot. No, it's not even that. It's people that like that. They'll like to suck a dick. They'll like to get on their knees and like the whole naughtiness of it. Right. There's people that get off on that, guys and girls.

So better off finding them than getting a robot is my point. Cheaper. Cheaper. Cheaper. You don't have to charge them. Well, you never know, man. People can be real expensive. They won't rust. Well, yeah, this might not rust either.

It will if you're jizzing in it all the time. It's going to, the throat's going to grow. Maybe it'll be like your fuck doll. That's what keeps it alive. Ugh. Think of the stink of your robot's breath. Maybe it'll be like your fuck doll. That's what keeps it alive. Think of the stink of your robot's breath. You'd come over to your friend's house and you'd smell their robot's breath and you'd just know its stomach's filled with old jizz. Disgusting dick.

Or not. Or it's hungry for jizz because its battery acid stomach is burning through the lining. When was the last time you came inside your robot, man? Dude, you need to feed your robot. You know, you have to come in them all the time. Yeah, you can't just not come in your robot.

Have you ever smelled someone's breath that doesn't eat right? Yes. Like if someone has a dietary thing where they don't eat, they starve themselves.

Ketosis. Their breath gets really weird. Ketosis. Isn't that what they call it? Some weird name for it. People that have complete empty stomachs for long periods of time

get some really funky breath. Shit, man. I told there was a girl I was seeing once and I told her, no, her mom. I was like, your mom's breast smells like the ocean. I didn't think it just popped out. Brian, Brian. Pull ahead on that video.

I was still watching that NVIDIA video and it gets even crazier at the end. I forgot about this. They do a whole thing with lighting. This is going to blow you away. This is what's really, really freaky about this technology. The way they can move the light as if there was like a spotlight around it.

Like, watch as it goes further, like three-quarters of the way in. Ooh. What? Oh. Three-quarters of the way in, not seven eighths. Three quarters. There you go. When you see the light.

Like, look at the difference, the variations in the light. All the shit that they can do now with shadows. Super cool. And they show you, like, what the mesh is like underneath it all. Praise God. I'm so happy this is happening. It's incredible. it's so hard for us to grasp it dude it's happening right in front of our faces and we're like yeah yeah yeah

oh i love it it's just normal i love it you can go to oculusriff.com and for 300 bucks you can get one of these things man and i just ordered one you did they're irresistible man they're irresistible like and and and it's only going to get better yeah it's only going to get better and plus you can mildly contribute to this this is what's really cool about the rift uh window the new windows connect um all these things like the corporations open them opening them up for developers and like just let whoever can work on it, work on it. And that's where all the innovation happens. Yeah.

Which is why I'm saying if we created, all we need is three components, a virtual space to do the podcast in, the motion sensing technology to in some way translate hand gestures and head movements to the avatars in the virtual space, and a way to access the spacears in the virtual space and a way to access the space with a rift those three components if we could figure out

a way to merge those things together then we could do the first podcast as far as I'm aware in rift space I think it should be possible I mean it only makes sense that we'd be I mean the studio could be really simple right just be an empty space this space oh. Oh, the space in virtual space? Do you have to actually have a, does it have to be detailed? Does it have to be constructed? I think that would be the easiest thing because you could just build whatever you wanted in there. I mean, on my website, they have a Minecraft server that's like insane, the shit that they've built in there.

How do you build it? With textures? Yeah. They just construct weird, just weird things and buildings and temples and castles. So you could build, the space could be insane, like whatever you wanted. But that's the easiest part. I think the hardest part is the motion tracking. And I already heard that they've ported Second Life.

The Rift can get into Second Life already. Wow, this is going to be so weird. Brian, turn that gay shit off. That is cool, though, because those bodies that he's looking at, those are these hyper-realistic digital scans, 3D digital scans of naked people. But if Brian has the video,

I saw that hand. I know it's going up some dude's butt. No, no, no, no. It doesn't? That's what I thought. Wow, this is insane. No, but's going up some dude's butt. No, no, no, no. It doesn't? That's what I thought. Wow, this is insane. No, but apparently getting really close to these hyper-realistic characters is uncomfortable. Dude, what is this?

This is nuts. What we're seeing right now is a really insane glimpse at what the future is going to be. A really insane glimpse. This is some strange stuff, my friends. We're going to enter into a very strange new era. Yeah, it's very weird. And it's weird to watch that guy minus the image. It's such a strange thing to see someone just kind of gesticulating in their empty apartment.

Wow. This is amazing. Yep. It's so goddamn close. He had to use close he had a woman that he's he's looking at this is incredible he got he got onto a ladder a step ladder and it changed his perspective now he's looking in this woman's ear this is amazing yeah this is amazing yeah wow yeah man that's what i'm saying we could look out at a virtual audience and do the podcast in front of a virtual audience in 3D space, and that would be fun. This is going to be incredible.

This is going to be really incredible. It's going to be terrifying, man. I mean, incredible, but so alien from the life that we're living now it's kurt fox i was just gonna say that it looks exactly like kurt flox if you got yokes it could be it's like kurt fox had sex with wolverine it's probably gonna happen right kirk's fox no having with Wolverine. Yeah, that's definitely going to happen. No, this Rift becoming like a new version of reality. Yes, yes.

And it won't just be games. Like they already have apparently... Brian, see if you can find the Rift guillotine experience. They apparently have an experience of getting your head cut off. Oh, God. Yeah, so it won't just be games. It'll be experiences that you can download. Like, you know, like those guys who fly in wingsuits?

You know, it could be like experience that POV of being in a wingsuit. Or, you know, experience what it's like to, you know, go flying off a ship into orbit. Like in that movie that's coming out. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. It simulates execution. You can look around at everyone watching you. Oh my God.

Yeah. But see, what's interesting about the rift is you could see how like there becomes this need for like blocks and actual shapes in 3D and in our reality to really pull it off this is me actually giving me anxiety yeah it's well it's but you know this is definitely the

one of the um it's the emergence of the great uh techno jesus here that's what you're seeing the extrusion of this insane new reality into our dimension. You know what's going to become really popular is fat chicks because then you'll be able to put this shit on and then have it be like Jenna Jameson or someone like that and the whole time you're just on this blob of a woman, kind of like a shape. Yeah, that's an interesting point, man, because the physical form will begin to become less and less important

with this technology. It'll mean almost nothing. Almost nothing. If people choose to live in, well, here's the real crazy one. If that gets to the point where it can figure out how to mimic actual physical feelings, intimacy, touch, sex, things along those lines, then it'll all be about get really good at that.

And it'll almost be like a call to abandon the material world yep yeah jesus christ that's some matrix shit right yeah yeah i mean i know we're just talking nonsense i don't holy shit it's not really nonsense there's already i mean you've seen what's already happening it's not nonsense in fact it's almost like knowing that this tsunami is about to come pouring over our reality, which is a tsunami of telescoping realities, infinite little mini digital wormholes that go off into all these various designer-based realities that allow you to be whatever it is you want to, allow you to be whatever form that you want. Yeah, when I watched the video that was playing on the screen and listened to what you were talking about, listened to your words, the way you were saying it, what you were saying, it felt to me like the narration of the beginning

of an apocalyptic sci-fi movie. I'm not bullshitting. It totally did. I was looking at the video and I was saying, man, this is eerily like a scene in a movie where people describe how the world changed because of this seemingly innocent piece of technology that just completely changed everything. Yeah. Well, you know, man, it's just another paradigm and it's just more freedom for humanity because we're so limited right now. But maybe not.

But maybe not. My point being that the real issue is like what do people say about television? Oh, people just sit in front of the TV eight hours a day. They're just sitting in front of the TV not doing nothing. And if they're not doing that they're playing video games. All they're doing is staring off. But what

is really going on while you're watching TV? What's really going on when you're playing video games? You're not in this world anymore. That's right. You're in another world. Yep. You might just be sitting down, but that's the point is that you've given up your body.

You've given up all your movement to exist in a world that's only sight and sound. Just those two. Just those two dimensions. But if we can offer you a more compelling world that's completely three-dimensional and in fact, eventually, when technology arises, can affect your moods and the way you feel. Sure. And you can get Billy Badass at it, just like you are at fucking Madden football, and be the ultimate person in this new dimension when you just can't get your life in order here in the regular world.

You're just a mess trying to interact with people you know maybe you're you're physically frail or small or feminine or picked on or bullied or what have you but that doesn't mean shit you can literally recreate yourself with your mind and your will in the rift. Yeah, the focus will go to your personality and your ability to be creative. Yeah, your mind. Creativity will become one of the most important facets of this new renaissance, this digital renaissance,

and it will be your ability to manifest environments and situations that are unique and creative and expressive. And if you can't do that, you will seem, who knows, you'll probably just have like, I don't know, I think everyone's going to benefit from this technology. And I do know what you mean, there is a swooning feeling when you consider that for the first time consider the that for the first time um in in human in the history of humanity we are going to be able to travel to alternate dimensions uh and and be fully immersed within them because you know our minds are made to do this like our minds when you read a book your mind will do the same thing you will go into the space of the book.

It's a little more difficult, and you have to sort of learn to be a reader. But once you get into a book, you're in that reality. You are experiencing that reality. You're feeling that reality. You're hypnotized. It's a hypnotic state. If it's a good book. If it's a good book.

When you're watching TV, it's the same thing. Video games, it's the same thing. In all of these things, what's happening is your identity, the idea of who you are, is no longer existing in this reality but has been projected into a different reality. A reality of imagination interacting with someone else's words. That's it. That's exactly it. Exactly. Our identity itself, this is like the first things they tell you when you get into Eastern religion or Eastern philosophy is that you are not your body. That's the first thing they try to teach you is that your identification with your body is in fact one of the great causes of suffering for a human being is the idea that you identify with yourself and you then begin to think that the self is permanent and inevitably you find out that that is not the case at all when your hair starts falling out and you start getting old and your parents die you begin to realize like oh shit

we're all crumbling and dissolving and if you think you are the thing that's dissolving and crumbling and if you think you are the thing that's going to turn to dust, then you will suffer a great deal and feel a tremendous amount of anxiety. But the idea is, well, you're not your body. You're just identified with your body. And the same way that when you read a book, you identify with the characters in the book and become fixated in that place, we also identify with a character of ourself. And you get so stuck in this idea of this is who I am. I'm Duncan or I'm Joe or I'm Brian. And that's when you find yourself getting in arguments and fights, sticking up for ways of being that you don't even believe in anyway.

That's identification with the self and it causes a lot of problems. So this is another version of the self being transferred to alternate states, alternate identities. I mean, what's more exciting than the idea that you can assume a brand new form, a brand new life. No one knows who you are. You can do whatever you want, completely new. Create whatever history you want for yourself. You're not locked into this one. Meet Avatar.

Not only that, but you really are that person in that world. Like your material world is inconsequential. Like if you were a loser in your material world for most of your life, if you did time in prison, if you beat up your ex-girlfriend and you went to jail for it and you got raped in jail. What am I doing? Am I going to just keep going here? You got in a traffic accident. You lost your left knee. My point is, in that world, you're not.

You're not that guy. You're a totally different thing. You're this thing that you create. You're born again. Joe, did you see this video of this drunk guy trying to do it, a roller coaster. If he breaks Tavis' computer. So he's just hanging on right now.

Right. Is this the beginning where it gets crazy? Yeah, this is right where it gets crazy. It gets down the hill. How drunk is this cat? Wow. That's incredible. That's incredible. Dude, that's incredible. Holy shit. That's incredible. That's it. That's it. I don't know if drunk is what that guy was.

It seems like he's been snorting meth. I just think it's the experience itself. Well, that's what they say. The experience is pretty intense, man. What I was going to say is this week I went to Disneyland. Took the wee ones to Disneyland. So sweet. Yeah, we were there.

It was hot as fuck, though. I got so dehydrated. And then I had a massive headache the next day because I just didn't drink enough water. Actually, it made me really tired. Saturday I was exhausted because of it. My fucking head was pounding. I tried to work out and I couldn't. It was just, when you're out in 100 degree temperature all day, like from like 10 a.m.

Fucked up. All day. You don't, you're having fun because it's Disneyland. You don't realize you're just drenched with sweat, you know, and I only drank a couple of those fucking smart waters. But anyway, my point was I went on this thing on Great Adventure, California Adventure, whatever it is. Yeah.

It's called Soaring Over California. It's worth going there and waiting in line and doing it over and over and over and over. Wow, really? It's fucking incredible. What is it? It's a giant screen that you fly into. This is what happens. You sit down.

It's called Soaring Over California. So it's basically this three-dimensional ride where you soar all over the mountains and the ocean, the redwood trees and shit like that. You sit in this thing. They strap you in, and then the machine lifts up and pushes you forward over this giant concave screen. So you can look down. The screen projects down. It projects forward, and it projects up. And it projects all around you.

It's a massive, massive screen. And the only problem is you can actually see the grid. So you try not to see the grid. But it's not perfect. If they could figure out how to do it, update it, so there's no grid. There's no actual lines. But my God, this yeah but it's not perfect if they could figure out how to do it update it so there's no grid there's no actual lines but my god this is what it's like you fly down above these people kayaking and these people skiing in the mountains it's not going to do it any justice what you're looking at but when you're when your feet are dangling and you're hanging over this

thing and you're looking down it's amazing that is so cool it's it feels great it feels like you're hanging over this thing and you're looking down, it's amazing. So cool. That is so cool. It feels great. It feels like you're flying. You're like, oh. Yeah, man. I can't wait for this. It's going to be so cool. And it's not just like, aside from entertaining stoners, it's also going to be really badass for people who are paralyzed and for people who aren't able to get out, you know, because of physical limitations,

this is going to free a lot of people from shitty existences, man. And that's something that's quite beautiful about it. Because if you've happened to have popped out in the wrong body, you know, you don't get to know what it's like to ski or you don't get to know what it's like to ride a bike. And a lot of people are going to get to experience that, and that is really beautiful. What I'm worried about, and I'm not necessarily worried about, but at least I'm apprehensive, or at least I have my mind open to the possibility, is that that's going to be more enticing than regular life

to the point where people are going to abandon regular life. Yep. Like a real matrix scenario. Good. Is that good? Yes! It's going to be more people not going outside. Exactly.

It's going to be more fat children. No, it's going to be less fucking cars on the road. We have too many people carousing around in World 1, and they're not doing a great job. They're polluting shit. They leave their goddamn McDonald's bags all over the place and cigarette butts. Let them float into Narnia and exist there for the rest of their lives.

Why do we need them parading around in the national parks and the streets? Let them incubate in their shadowy little apartments. What's the big deal? Because it sounds like the apocalypse. It's not the apocalypse. It's the apocalypse for nobody. This is the second coming, man. It's going to be beautiful.

It seems like the apocalypse to me. Let's clear out the malls. I feel like it's the apocalypse. It is going to clear out the malls. No one's going to buy anything. Everyone's going to sit at home and fucking... Well, I think there'll be

no buying things at a certain point in time. Everything you'll have will be virtual. Well, you'll use Matter of Simulator. So what you'll do is these 3D printers...

There's a great video if you look up Elon Musk I don't know 3D printer I think. There's a really cool video where he shows him building an engine part by like modeling this thing in 3D space and then printing it out in a titanium

or some kind of 3D printer that uses a metallic alloy. It's just beautiful. You know what would be a really fucking scary movie? What? A bunch of people who are addicted to these virtual reality games get stuck in the virtual reality game. They're addicted to it, and they keep getting home invaded by people who aren't. Yeah.

They just want their shit. Yeah. And, you know, these carefree geeks have to fight for their lives to get away from these angry hoodlums and apocalyptic future. It's going to be so easy to rob people. You just walk in. They're like gesturing around. You just take their TV. Yeah, you take anything you want.

There probably won't be TVs anymore. Think of this game. Here's one of the outlawed. They're going to have to start outlawing certain types of games. Here's one of the outlawed, they're going to have to start outlawing certain types of games. Once that uncanny valley goes away, let's just imagine that the technology has gotten to the place where VR reality and our reality are indistinguishable. Think of a game that starts, the moment you turn the game on, the game starts by you turning the game back off again. So when you turn the game on, you think that you've decided to turn the game off,

and now you're existing in a virtual reality inside a video game, but you think it's your real life. You don't realize that you're still in the game. That's going to be the problem. There will be games that trick you into thinking that you are in your living room, that you didn't even start playing it. You'll look down and see the goggles sitting there. What if it had a camera on the front, and then it looks like we're in this room,

and then somebody opens the door. That doesn't exist. You know what I mean? So it adds things to your real life. And you could just walk around because it's plugged into your iPhone in the future or something like that. So you're walking around in the real world, but half

the shit's not real. Yeah. It's very possible. That's going to happen, man. And that's when we're going to have these amazing court cases where it's like, Your Honor, I thought the little girl was in a game. That's why I threw her in the alligator pit.

Oh, God. That's why I ate the mushroom. Yeah. Well, there will be no illegal drugs by the time that happens. I'll just abandon all that. There's no one around for fucking police keeping. Take whatever you can get your hands on. It used to be like freely cooking meth a few blocks from the fucking road.

Sure. It was pulled over on a trail or smoking like crazy. Nobody cares anymore. No one knows, like you're almost always gonna have to ask, are you real? Is this game, are we in the world one?

Which world are we in? Oh, God. What's your favorite designer reality? Speaking of special effects, and the ability to recreate worlds, I watched some old school Twilight Zones last night. Which ones? I watched two of them i

watched a nightmare at 20 000 feet and i watched um the second one that i don't remember the name of it is the guy had an evil dummy who told him what to do yeah have you seen that one i've seen you need to see that one i think i have seen that one yeah but it a while. I forget his name. I forget the dummy's name. But it's... Yeah, what was it? I don't know. But it's incredible. It was amazing. Because it's like a period piece. You know?

It's like a time capsule. It's not just... Right. I mean, first of all, William Shatner is about to light up on the plane. Yeah. And there's a no smoking sign. And the wife says to him honey

don't light that now wait till we get in the air and you're like what like that's normal honey don't like that wait till we get in the air and they had curtains in front of the windows oh that's a good puppet there and it was a an airplane with propellers. It was a propeller plane in 1963. Oh, crazy. And it was the worst special effects you've ever seen in your life. The gremlin that's on the wing of the plane is fucking hilarious. He looks like he's from Yo Gabba Gabba. And I'm not kidding you. Pull that up. Pull up the gremlin.

I mean, it's so bad, but it was awesome. I was loving it. I was like a little child, like giggling at the TV. It was amazing. William Shatner, right? Yeah. There's a man on the wing of this plane. That's right.

It might be a gremlin. It was awesome. it was awesome it was awesome because because of the fact that it all sort of fell into that time period you almost felt like you yourself were in that time period watching it it's it's really weird look at it on. It totally looks like Yo Gabba Gabba. It's incredible. Wait until he gets close up. Watch this. Are you fucking kidding me?

That is fucking scary. That's the gremlin. He calls over the lady. Every time he calls over the lady. Look. He's right there. He flies over and lands. He time he calls over the lady. Look. Hello. Oh, he's right there. He flies over and lands. He sticks his hands in the propellers.

He's lifting up the ship. It's such a great episode. And it's all about William Shatner. He's getting on the plane for the first time since recovering in a mental hospital with his nervous breakdown. Right. His wife has had to take care of the kids. He feels like a total coward. He can't believe this happened, but he's vowed,

honey, I'm fine now. I'm not a coward anymore. I got it together. But there really is a fucking man on the wing of the plane. That is bad luck. It's just that man's fucking with him. That is bad luck. It's amazing. It's so good.

It's so fun. It's's so fun it's such a fucking fun movie or uh hell yeah it is oh that's not a watch this look at this he opens the window you could you could just do that on planes you could open the windows i don't want to tell anybody what happened. I don't want to give any spoilers. Look how bad. Look at that outfit. That outfit's so bad. That's so cool. It's incredible. Ah, man, that's a great ep.

Yeah. All the Twilight Zones are amazing. The one that I really thought about you though was the dummy one evil dolls are my specialty yeah it was fun I watched two of them last night I was like wow

it's so strange when you think that that was what 60 years ago was it? no not even 60 years ago it was like 50 something 63 is that what it was? it, not even. Not even 60 years ago. It was like 50-something. 63, is that what it was? It was not long ago, man. It was not long ago. It's 51 years ago. Yeah, not very long ago, and look how far we've come.

That's crazy. It's crazy. That's hard to believe. It's 2000, man, man, 2013. What the fuck? It's very interesting, and I love that this stuff is, people are mostly unaware of it. Like a lot of people that I talk to or mention it to, they have no idea about any of this stuff that's coming out.

It's like so in the periphery somehow that people aren't aware of the rise of 3D printers. People aren't aware of the new gesture-based technology that's coming out. They know that there's a Kinect, but they don't realize that pretty soon you're going to be able to model. I mean, imagine just like having some digital clay that you can model into something,

whatever it was you wanted. Whatever the thing is you want, a little knife or a spoon, whatever, little tools. And then you could immediately print that out and something in your living room or something in your house could determine what alloy you wanted to use. That's totally going to happen. I remember when I was watching Star Trek The New Generation way back when. They have those fucking matter assimilators that I always thought man what would that do to society if you could immediately create anything that you could think of in real in in this reality what's that what's that gonna do how are they gonna keep

pirates from pirating phones and pirates from pirating computers or whatever the thing is you want you can you can or guns that's already happening you know 3d 3d printing guns you can just print your bullets print a gun can you print bullets i think you can print the shells you'd have to get the gun powder huh he could print shells you can make shells out of plastic shells are like usually no this is gonna have to be metal but that uh printer that elon musk is using in that video is telling you about it prints metallic alloys yeah yeah that's you know that's an inevitability too it's just those things are probably not going to be accessible to the consumer for a while a couple of weeks for a couple of weeks printing skin i can't wait for

that printing skin that's gonna be amazing well they're going to combine skin with spider silk. They've already begun work on trying to combine human skin with spider silk, and they believe they're going to be able to do it. They're going to be able to make bulletproof skin. Wow. That's awesome. They're going to be able to fillet you, pull your skin off, and then spray some bulletproof skin all over you, and you'll have the face of a 20-year-old god.

You'll be just perfect. I wonder if you'll still sweat, though, with spider skin. With spider skin? Yeah, maybe you can only have it in certain spots where you're really vulnerable, like around your neck. You need a certain amount of your body open to perspire in. Does that make any sense? Yeah, it makes a lot of fucking sense.

Well, then they'll figure out how to make it so it does sweat. They'll make it exactly like human skin, just of this incredible material. Yeah, there's also the idea that you're going to be able to have synthetic red blood cells so that you can run faster or run further without having to take a break. Isn't it amazing that one of the most powerful things, pound for pound, known to man, is made by a spider? How evil are fucking spiders? Think about how small they are.

And all they have to do is just jump on top of you and spray you with this sticky shit that you cannot get away from. There's no way you can get away. You're done. They wait to eat you sometimes. Yeah. Are spiders, do they ever lose?

Aren't spiders like a million and oh? I mean, when was the last time a spider lost to a bug? The bug lands in the net. The spider never loses. Has a spider ever got its ass kicked? I'm sure. They must have fucked up every now and then, like, try to capture a bird or something like that. Yeah, you can't pick what gets in the net man it's just things get in there bird birds

land in your shit all the time it's a problem yeah but the birds probably can get free or people walk through i mean i've destroyed right weeks of spider work yeah yeah yeah but you're a person i mean a bug if a bug lands there and a spider goes to eat it does a spider ever get eaten does it ever does he ever fuck up and pick somebody whose ass he can't kick? I would say it happens, probably. Spider fucked up

and bit off more than he can chew. Man, how horrible is that iPhone announcement today? That was just such a... I thought you said you didn't watch it. No, I mean just what they announced. iPhone announcement today. That was just such a... I thought you said you didn't watch it. Huh? No, I mean,

just what they announced. Like, the iPhone is so... I think it's... That's so boring. Yeah, I think it's kind of sad. What were you hoping for? Honestly, bigger, like Joe... Is the screen not bigger? No, the screen's exactly the same.

Ah! Silly, right? The only thing that it has is that fingerprint scanner, which to me is, I don't give a shit about. Well, the camera's supposed to be much better. Yeah.

But whatever. Are you going to get the gold one, Joe? Yes. If they have a flossier one, I'll get that. Yeah. A what one?

Flossy. Flossy. I got to be letting bitches know I got the gems. I mean, bedazzled. Bedazzled would be better. Is the Samsung bad? Because I've been thinking about jumping ship and buying one of those

It's pretty badass the new one Especially with that accessories watch I don't know if you've seen that The new Galaxy Note has a watch that you can buy to go with it Which has a camera on the watch So you can just sit around and take pictures I want a bigger screen You know when you've been playing videos on YouTube

It's not going through the soundboard It've been playing videos on youtube it's not going through the soundboard it is these people are complaining that it's not they're saying they don't hear anything huh you fixed it yeah it was just quiet oh okay yeah and if like if you downloaded yesterday's episode and it was too quiet if you re-download it right now it's fixed i can't help but think that someone like Steve Jobs, who is so fucking powerful and crazy and influential and so obsessive that when that guy's gone,

everybody just takes naps. They just slack the fuck off. And they're probably like, if anybody works for Apple, is listening to this right now, fuck you, man! We're fucking working hard. We have the best phone.

I wouldn't even necessarily say that anybody from Apple actually talks like that. Just for the purpose of humor, I went that way. But my point is, you guys used to be way out ahead. And it's very clear you're not anymore. I mean, 64-bit processors are the only thing. What happened to the iPad? I thought that was supposed to be announced, you know, like a new iPad or something. I don't think they ever announced what they're going to announce, Brian.

You're just hearing rumors. Yeah, but it's been a while. You can't be mad that the rumors are wrong. But they didn't announce anything, is what I'm saying. They announced pretty much the exact same thing. What kind of stuff with a 64-bit processor, Brian, what kind of stuff can I look forward to? Your text will show up one millionth of a second quicker. See, that's just it.

With a 64-bit processor and a phone, I mean, it can't be leaps and bounds over everything else because, you know, it will ruin all the programs, you know, for all the other phones. I have no problem with the processor in my phone. I never say, damn, I wish my phone processed things quicker. What do I do with it? Besides, you know, make calls and go on the web occasionally.

I just want a bigger screen. I want a bigger screen. And I don't know. That camera seems like it's better. But why not take it up more higher than 8 megapixels? They didn't go any higher than the megapixels. There's ones that are coming out right now with, what, 42 megapixels or something like that? Well, that's not that important for images, quite honestly,

because how big do you want the images? Well, it's the number one phone. It's the number one camera in the world now is the iPhone. World. And world. If you look at the images, though, if you take them and blow them up on your screen, they look great. Yeah, but you still want them big.

Yeah, but they're big sizes. That's the other problem. They eat up data. They eat up memory, rather. Yeah, but they're big sizes. That's the other problem. They eat up data. They eat up memory, rather. These things only have 64. This has 64 gigs, and that's the best one. The Galaxy, that doesn't even have 64. It's 32.

A lot of these guys have 32. 32 gigs is not enough. If you have your songs on it and photos. No, you need more than that. And especially now that they're using these 4K, the new Galaxy 3 is going to film in 4K. That's going to be giant file sizes. I can only imagine.

Come on, Tim, get it. I don't know how long you could, I mean, how long would 32 gigs last if you're filming in 4K? It might be like 32 minutes. I don't know. It's less than that. Yeah?

Less than that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's going to suck then. Because, like, what if you actually want to make a movie with that thing, like we were talking about? You'd have to have a million fucking cards and pop them out every five minutes. Yeah, does it have memory? Does the Note have?

Yes. See, that's what Apple needs to do. It's just, come on, man. Just get a little SD card on the side there. Yeah, that would be nice. It would be nice if there was some sort of alternative storage where you could enhance the storage. Like if you get 62,

but you could bump it up to 128 or something like that or 64, 128. That would be nice. It would ruin the style of the thing. I just think that with that guy gone,

there was a big void in the company. I also think that's just the way it is in the world is there's ups and there's downs. Yes. Things maintain.

They don't. Charismatic leaders push past a certain boundary where other people are willing to go, and in their absence, there's a void. So many companies have risen and fallen like that. So many companies that are even successful, that at one

point in time, they were in hard times, and they were doing badly. What would you want a phone to do? There it maybe what what if you there's a lot of things that these android phones do that iphones can't one they act as an ir they act as remote control you can program your phone to be remote control for your television that's pretty nice it's pretty dope use that that's great it's amazing it has an ir you don't you don't ever have to like that samsung galaxy g4 s4 s4 and note 3 you want to get the note 3 duncan if you're going to get if you're going to get You don't ever have to have a remote control. Galaxy G4? S4. S4. And Note 3. You want to get the Note 3, Duncan.

What? If you're going to get a Droid, get the Note 3. The Note 3 films in 4K. 4K, it's big. You know, Galaxy S3 is big, but the Note is big. I still want to be able to fit it in my pocket, though. You might be able to fit it in your pocket. It's big.

Right. It's big. Yeah, it's like a mini iPad. It's almost silly, but not quite. It's like, but when you see it, you go, ooh, wah, want that, want that. Let me tell you something, friends. I just played Skyrim on Ultra HD on my new fucking PC, and that is crazy. What kind of PC did you end up getting?

I can't remember the name of it. I just, I got the... I can't remember. You just went to Best Buy or something? Yeah. Not Best Buy. I went to Fry's. Wow. Some Russian sold this thing to me. He's like, this will do everything. But it truly is crazy.

This will play game. You email, go to my website, I'll sell you pill. You need dick, you need hair. I have both. Dick and hair. Come on, Duncan Trussell. Pre-order dick and hair.

I put you on. Listen, brother, subscribe every month. Come new pill. That would be cool. Every month. Pill of the month. 10% off. 10% off every month.

That would be such a great service, man. Psychedelic of the month club. Just new designer psychedelics. Or you get a basket of psychedelics, you know, like depending on like what kind of trips you like. I quite honestly feel like in the next decade, we're going to see some big movement in that regard. Because I think once the door has been opened,

like what this Eric Holder cat is saying about marijuana now, that they're essentially not going to go after Colorado and Washington State, and they're opening the door to other states to do the same thing, and they're not going to act. Like, they're almost abandoning it. And it's almost a resource thing at a certain point in time. It's like, how do you justify that resource when it's so obvious that we have so many other real significant problems? And in doing so, then it opens up doors for MDMA, for post-traumatic stress, because a

lot of veterans are finding great relief with MDMA. Sure. And then there's ayahuasca, which can also function much the same way. Ibogaine, which can get people. Ibogaine, which would be the big one to get people off these goddamn pills. Yep. That vice on Ibogaine is great. It's amazing.

But yeah, Ld for alcoholism lsd treats alcoholism apparently so yeah there's a lot of uses for these things that are going to be emerging man i'm obama's confused the shit out of me man yeah because now i'm starting to wonder maybe he's like really smart because if we don't go to war with syria what if we don't go to war with syria what if the whole thing was some weird feint where he tricks, he like scared them that we were going to, now look, I'm being very optimistic for those of you shrieking out there, hate Obama. He, but what if it was, if we don't go to war with Syria and they actually do dump all their chemical weapons, then that's an amazing maneuver that he

did strategically. If his real goal was to stop chemical weapons attacks Mike and the conspiracy theory side of me Believes otherwise thinks it's more to sell weapons or it has something to do with upsetting whatever the Relationship Syria and Russia have but and Russia have, but... Look at this. That's scary. World's largest fingerprint database now available without even trying.

Wow. I didn't even think about that. It's true. It's a picture that says Apple introduces fingerprint scanning. World's largest name-to-fingerprint database now available without even trying. It has a raccoon rubbing his fingers together

with his evil fucking face. Look at his teeth. That's creepy pretty scary raccoons are fucking terrifying they will fuck you up too man especially those big urban raccoons that are used to being around people those are scary things you see that video the guy who created dig yes amazing hurling that raccoon kevin rose that guy's got balls that fucking poor dog man that's the last thing you want to see is a raccoon. Kevin Rose. That guy's got balls. That fucking poor dog, man. That's the last thing you want to see is a raccoon mauling your little dog. Yeah, no kidding, man. And those things can do a lot of damage. They're real. They've killed

dogs. Give them fucking rabies. Don't forget the disease. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. This is Skyrim. They have a new mod that's ultra-realistic mod. So it makes all the characters just ridiculously, like, over a... Holy shit, what mod is this? So it makes them the characters just ridiculously over... Holy shit, what mod is this? So it makes them higher resolution or something?

More pixels? What's the mod called, Red Band? Real Vision, is that what it's called? It's probably a combination of a bunch of mods. Look at that. That's pretty sweet. It's hard to tell. You can't tell.

I need to see... Whoa, that does look pretty badass. I need to see a character. Do they have any characters? Can you see a a person or something let me find a person for you so this just requires more processing power yeah you have to have a special video card you probably have to have like sli video cards is it one of those things we have excel some shit i can't remember the yeah that looks great man that. That looks really good. She looks a little too hot. It's going to confuse young boys.

It confuses me. There's some girl running around with me right now named Lydia, and she's hot. She's very attractive. What? In this fucking game, in Skyrim. Oh, okay. Why didn't you tell us you were still in the game? He separated.

He sounded like he was talking about real life. He didn't sound like he was talking about a game at all. It's real life, Joe. But you were there, dude. But the funny thing is that the girl's probably like some guy like me sitting there going. No, it's artificial. Skyrim isn't online, unfortunately. It's not?

No. Why isn't it online? I don't know. Are you just playing by yourself, you fucking dork? What's wrong with that? Just sitting in front of a computer playing a game? Yeah, I'm the only one in America doing that. To me, it's just not the same.

Playing against another person is what's fun. Yeah? Playing against the bots, the game itself. You don't understand. Oh, that's what it is? When you see this shit, man, it's so cool. The thing that you were saying, where you start thinking, fuck, it's the end of the world, it does kind of make you think that.

It's just so high-tech and wild. It's the end of the world as we know it. Yeah. And I feel fine. And it kind of is, but it kind of isn't. Because the end of the world wasn't when they invented fire either. No. The end of the world wasn't when they figured out how to sharpen metal and turn it into blades.

The end of the world, all these things have changed everything. When people started cutting people up with swords for the first time, I bet a lot of people are like, it's the end of the world. Sure. When they figured out guns, they start shooting at people, and they're like, oh, this is the end of the world. End of the world. They probably thought it from the moment we dropped the bomb on Hiroshima

and Nagasaki. End of the world. I think it's always, we're always thinking it's the end of the world. It is the end of the world. If you're a human being, it's the end of the world because you're going to die. Oh, it sort of is the end of the world. That's true. Everything dies. Your subjective world will go bye-bye

inevitably. Now, we might be able to extend our lifespans a great deal with all this stuff that's coming. I have hopes for that. But no matter what, if you're a human being, there is a subjective apocalypse that you have to look forward to. And there's no way around that. Yeah, there's a what goes up must come down.

There's Kevin Rose throwing a fucking raccoon. Do you think that killed that raccoon? I hope it did. No, no. I hope it did. I don't know, man. It looks like it broke its back. Damn, he went gangster.

That's a guy who loves his fucking animal. He even put that thing over his head for more velocity. He didn't just push it off. He threw that thing. That was a death throw. That's what it deserves, man. Mauling a chihuahua. Fuck that. Look at it. It doesn't even know what's going on. He fucking ganked that thing.

Okay. And it hits the side of the... I think it killed it. Hopefully. Look at his eyes. You can follow his little laser eyes all the way down. Yeah. Cunty fucking dog killing ass one.

Ugh. They're assholes. Is his dog okay? I don't know. Is he okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he okay? He is okay?

Yeah. Everybody knows. He's okay. Did you hear about the 170-year-old dude who died in a police shootout? No. That sucks. Monroe Isidore, a 170-year-old man who died in a shootout with the SWAT team Saturday in Arkansas. Wow.

He'd been asked to move out of the house he was living in into an apartment. And the detail comes from Isidore's roommate who says that he was very angry. His roommate? Apparently his roommate was trying to kick him out. Can you imagine being roommates with a 107-year-old? Well, I mean, can you imagine being a 107-year-old and being told you have to find a new place to live? Being 107, you still have a fucking roommate. That sucks.

You're 107. Oh, that would suck. Did you eat my peanut butter, man? Wow. That sucks, dude. He locked himself in the room, refused to come out, and that's when his granddaughter finally got him to open the door. He pointed a gun at her and stated, you better stop breaking into my house. And then the police arrived.

And then three hours later, SWAT team stormed his room. That sucks. It just says the SWAT team stormed his room. Isidore was dead. Lewis and the police say that Isidore was the first to open fire. They didn't even say the SWAT team shot him. They're trying to not say they shot this 107-year-old guy.

That sucks. It does suck. It would suck if it was your dad. It would suck if it was you. I hate all of that stuff, man. I'm so tired of that. There's a real sadness. There's a real reality about mental health when people get to be a certain age. Yes. Like there's a

lot of people who are old that are delirious. Like really delirious. Like their mental function is severely compromised. And when something like this happens, that easily could be the case. The guy is 107. I mean, what are the odds that he's thinking clear? I'm not

leaving my nest. Yeah, who knows? This is my den. And plus he survived 107 years in Arkansas. I mean, what kind of beast survives 107 years old? You'll never get me out of this shell. It's just a shell, man. Everyone gets so attached to their shit. Did you hear that they isolated the strongest organism on Earth?

And it's... I don't have a joke for that. Gonorrhea. Oh, really? Strongest organism on Earth is gonorrhea. Oh, wow. They can move something like 100,000 times their body weight. What?

Yeah. Gonorrhea can move stuff? Yeah. Well, here, I'm going to read it. You can change the road. I've never heard that before. Gonorrhea could be our new fuel. You see your keys getting dragged across the floor by gonorrhea can move stuff? Yeah. Well, here, I'm going to read it. You can change the road. I've never heard that before. Gonorrhea could be our new fuel. You see your keys getting dragged across the floor by gonorrhea?

What we need is sluts, not nukes. Grass-fed gonorrhea. I don't want to slut shame, so I meant male sluts. Do you have gonorrhea dip? This is incredible stuff, man. It's a Science World Report. No, that's not it. I don't see how gonorrhea carries things.

I'm trying to find it really quick so I can give you the lowdown. Did you hear that? There's like a fourth person with AIDS in the porn industry they just announced. Yeah, here it is. Gonorrhea is the strongest living creature. It says scientists have recently discovered that gonorrhea bacterium is pound for pound the strongest living creature on earth capable of pulling up to 100,000 times its body weight Filaments called I believe it's Pili PIL I which grow from the bacteria can be up to 10 times as long as the bacteria

Itself and are what gonorrhea uses to move itself or pull other organisms. Jesus Christ. I had no idea gonorrhea could carry things. Gonorrhea's a badass. That's incredible. That's so scary. Well, then think about this. What about the new gonorrhea that they said that they were getting in Asia that's like killing people, that they can't cure?

Yeah, it's over here now. There's been cases in California. Jesus Louises. Yeah. Jesus. Keep it in your pants, Duncan Trussell. There's a serious one out there. I'm done.

This is a serious one. Unless Skyrim has gonorrhea in it, I'm fine. Dude, that is terrifying. Jesus Louises. Now, Brian, what do you know about this AIDS thing and porn? You're ruining Duncan's plans for wedding. Duncan, can we tell about your love? No, let's not say her name. What? What love? You're ruining Duncan's plans for wedding Duncan has a Can we tell about your love?

No let's not say her name What love? Your love, your porn love Oh no What? Absolutely not What happened? Nothing, nothing happened

It's just someone he admires her very deeply No I've got a favorite porn star I'll admit it I'm not ashamed You hook up with her? No Who's the porn her? No. Who's the porn girl? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No need for that.

Doesn't matter. You've dated porn girls, though, right, Brian? Yeah. Are you worried about the super gonorrhea? No. What about the AIDS? Because they all send me, like, every time there's, like, one of these cases, like, every girl that I've ever dated in porn, like, does, like, a mass text of, like, screenshots of

their AIDS tests. Yeah, that's great. That's great if they got an AIDS test right before you met them, and then they got the results right before you met them. Because if you're having sex, say if you get an AIDS test, especially if you're in that business, and look, I'm clean.

Hey, I'm clean. You show up at work. And how long ago did you get that test? Did you get it yesterday? Did you get it a day before yesterday? How many people are you fucking that time? Did you get it yesterday? Did you get it a day before yesterday? How many people you fucking that time? How many people? Are those guys clean?

Were they porn guys? Did you get drunk at a bar and pick someone up? Do you have a boyfriend that you hook up with? Are you guys monogamous? Where's your vagina been? Yes. You don't know. Where's your penis been?

You don't know, man. You don't know. Especially, this is, I believe that this super gonorrhea is going to be a bad one. I'm really nervous about humanity because of that episode that we did of the sci-fi show. When I started talking to people about pandemic diseases and diseases like MERS, there's some shit called MERS that's killing 50% of the people that get it. Yeah. I don't know what it means. I don't know what MERS means.

But it's not like MRSA. It's M-E-R-S, like SARS. i don't know what it means i don't know what mers means it's it's but it's not like mersa it's a m-e-r-s like sars like i don't know what it stands for google what it stands for but um what they were telling me was absolutely fucking terrifying what they were telling me is that shit just changes it just they morph things morph like that guy that we when we went to that that lab in uh in in texas and galveston how fucking freaky was that that was freaky i hated that i didn't like being around that shit man that that's a that's a spooky ass thing and gonorrhea like incurable gonorrhea doesn't gone what is what are the symptoms of gonorrhea middle east respiratory um syndrome is what this MERS shit is. What are the symptoms of gonorrhea?

I thought it was always like green shit jerking off your pussy. I thought it was fedoras. You start wearing fedoras. That's not true. You grow a beard. No? No. Yeah.

This Saudi Arabia thing, this MERS thing, is apparently incredibly deadly. So it's called a coronavirus? Yeah. Fuck, man. It's killed some people, man. Cure it with a lime. I don't think that many people have it, but I think the people that are getting it are having a really hard time. And this is a fairly recent article.

This is a September article. This is some scary shit, man. Sure. And the super gonorrhea some scary shit, man. Sure. And the super gonorrhea, I mean, look, it could be that. It could be a new thing. It could be a new super herpes. It could be a new thing that comes after that. They're fighting it tooth and nail, all these people that are trying to develop vaccines and different cures for various ailments.

But the way they were describing it to me, like, we can never win this. Like, you don't understand, these things change all the time. Yeah. Like, they're morphing up. Like, all of a sudden, the Spanish flu comes out. Boink! Now there it is. That does, I mean, look, there's no way to keep that from happening. That does happen. It historically happens.

The plague, the black plague. Yeah, always. This shit always happens. It's just part of being on a planet, you know? There's going to be some disease that emerges. That said, this is the best time ever. Ever. For that. For not getting sick like that.

And that's why, you know, like the whole anti-vaccine thing is a very tricky thing. It's a very tricky conversation to have because I don't believe that's a black and white issue. I know people personally have been harmed by vaccines. My friend's dad has Lyme disease because he took a Lyme disease vaccine. Wow. Yeah, they don't give it out anymore. Well, anything that comes out, no matter what it is, no matter what it is, Red Bull, for example, anything that's released to a massive amount of people statistically is going to fuck some people up.

Absolutely. No matter what it is. Absolutely. Whether it's vaccines, you name it. Aspirin. Some people die from aspirin. Pencils. Some people are allergic to peanut butter.

Yeah. They're dead. That's a weird thing. When you mass manufacture anything, you just kind of have to accept the fact that it's going to kill a certain percentage of your consumers. Isn't that nuts? Yeah, that's nuts. Or like contingency plans at amusement parks. When you build an amusement park, you know, statistically,

someone's going to die in this place. So you've got to have these contingency plans. That's just a funny part of mass producing things. To mass produce a thing, a human sacrifice is always necessary in some way a human will die because of the fucking thing guaranteed someone's died from legos you know kids choked on legos i'm sure guaranteed someone's died from like a hammock how

many kids have died from bikes think of trampolines you could probably fill a hundred graveyards with the corpses of kids killed on trampolines paralyzed swimming pools yeah diving boards yeah the world is a minefield yeah there's no way to avoid it you're right yeah there is no way to avoid it um but they're trying hard as fuck with with vaccines and that's you know there's a lot of people that think that it's a big conspiracy that it's a big conspiracy to vaccinate kids and the real issue is, there's a lot of people that think that it's a big conspiracy, that it's a big conspiracy to vaccinate kids. And the real issue is that there is a lot of fucking money involved in vaccinating people. That's a fact. And we all know that when there is a lot of money involved in things, that the decisions that are made don't often reflect the health and welfare of the people as much as they reflect the ability for these things to generate income for the people who make the laws.

That's why cigarettes are still legal. Fact. I just have to, you know, in situations like vaccinations, I defer to people like that doctor. I know. That doctor that we interviewed. I don't know for sure. I don't know. I don't think that guy is making money from vaccines.

But when we were off camera, I asked him about what he thinks about people who aren't taking vaccines and he got you know he got mad he was like his face got sad and pissed off at the same time like we're doing all this fucking work to try to keep you assholes from dying of diseases and you've like managed to like scare off people from doing uh from from taking the steps to prevent these diseases from spreading yeah he didn't seem to me like a some kind of conniving vaccine salesman he just seemed like a scientist who's trying to prevent disease from spreading oh of course so i defer to that guy well you know the real issue is i i defer to that guy as well, of course, but the real issue is, what is the evidence of any actual damage being done by vaccines? What are the actual numbers?

And when you go into the numbers, that's when you go, oh, wow, $2 billion was paid out in vaccine court. in vaccine court. There's been many multiple million dollar cases that have been paid out in vaccine court. It's like the new people's court. Here's one from 2013. Ready for this? Two autistic children awarded millions by vaccine court. It's not just a few people few people it's uh there's there's quite a few i mean it's there's

many many cases that's where it's kind of crazy it's like this is the vaccine court awarded money awarded millions of dollars to two children who rapidly regressed and became autistic after a round of routine childhood vaccinations. Wow. How does that work? If vaccines don't cause autism, then how did this money get passed out? And if vaccines do, but they only do it for a certain number of people, how do we recognize who they do it for? Is it people who have a very specific gene? Because that's what the issue was with the Lyme disease.

People who had a very specific gene or a tendency were the ones who wound up testing positive for it. Or wound up getting it. That is so awful to think that you fucking take your kid in to protect him and they become autistic. Man, having kids must be terrifying, man. Well, that's what it is, in a way them and they become autistic. And that was, man, having kids must be terrifying. Well, that's what it is in a way. It's also awesome. But when you take them to get vaccinated, some part of you is like, oh, is this? Most vaccines are safe.

Most vaccines are very safe. That's what I thought. But there are people that I have that are very good friends that said their children changed after vaccinations. And people say that that's just anecdotal and they were changing anyway. And people have a way of looking at the past and rationalizing. And I go, maybe. But when you see rulings like that where there's billions of dollars have been handed out,

it's kind of weird, man. Here's another one. In 2008, the federal government agreed to award damages to the family of this young girl's name, we won't say her name, who developed an autistic-like symptoms after receiving a series of vaccines in a single day. The vaccines were given, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She was diagnosed months later

with encephalop... encephalopi? Yeah, but Google search how many people have died of measles. But hold on a second. She was diagnosed with whatever this degree diseases says brain disease caused by mitochondrial enzyme deficit a mitochondrial disorder it's not unusual for children with such deficits to develop neurological signs between their first and second years very little scientific research in this area and no scientific studies show whether childhood vaccines

can cause or contribute to myocondrial disease. So I don't understand how they rewarded the money. It's probably like a peanut allergy. It's just, you know, some people... It's probably so small, though, with the amount of people that don't have any effects. But for a lot of people, they're

really scared. And that's what your point was. Your point was, yeah, people with kids, they get terrified. 158,000 people died of measles. That's a lot. 158,000. How many people croaked from vaccines? Three. Oh, let's see.

Let's ask. No, it's way more than three, Brian. How many people have been damaged from vaccines? 17 million people have died from vaccines. The vaccine is actually just a bullet. You'll never get sick again. We got to shoot it in you. Vaccine injury.

5,000 families of children diagnosed with autism have claims for compensation. 5,000. Sucks, though, man. I got to piss. Go ahead. Go make your pee-pees. Make your pee-pee. You warned us before.

I drank a jug. Diet Coke's really good for you, Duncan. I'm glad you're being all healthy. As I slurp down bulletproof coffee filled with fat butter. Can I talk about my show real quick? What show are you talking about? The Stand Up Live show. Sure.

Me and Tony Hinchcliffe are going to be in Phoenix, Arizona, September 26th at Stand Up Live, and then the following day in Columbus, Ohio, with Tom Segura and Christina Pajitsky and all the tickets are at DeathSquad.tv. Sweet baby Jesus. That should be fun. Columbus, Ohio is always a good time, too.

Yeah, it's going to be weird seeing... My sister has two kids now. Wow. And they send me these videos, and they're already using iPads. These kids are two, and they know how to use the iPad and the remote control, and they know how to record programs on the DVR.

They're two, and they know how to record programs? They're just sitting. And it's like, they're two and they know how to record programs sitting there flip. It's like ridiculous flipping through shit. Oh, that's hilarious. How can they read? How can they record programs? They don't read. I think my sister just says,

you know, highlight red button to record or something. Wow. That's fascinating. Well, she probably talks them through it. Yeah. It's not like they're like a bitch.

I got this. I'll bring some videos. It's actually a bitch. I got this. It's weird. Really? They're like a bitch i got this i'll bring some videos it's actually bitch i got this it's weird really yeah they're like i got it yeah at two i think it's two and three that's insane that's i have a hard time believing that but it's coming everybody's gonna be like weaned on it from the womb in the beginning yeah they're gonna just dangle an ipod over your your crib when you're a baby or an an iPad rather. You're going to be watching little kids' movies. Do you think school is going to be somehow phased out in the future, like with virtual classrooms or something like that?

Because it seems like nowadays that everything's on your iPads. There's a school in Los Angeles where all your work is done on your iPad, all your books are on your iPad, you just have an iPad now. I don't think that that's ever going to be the case where you don't go to school. Right. Because there's a real need with kids for social interaction. It's community and social interaction. It's a huge part of being a human being.

And people don't think about that when they, like, homeschool their kids. Yeah. But when you're homeschooling your kid, you're taking your kid out of a community of peers. And you're isolating them. You kid, you're taking your kid out of a community of peers and you're isolating them. It's a weird thing. And I could get it if there's no good teachers near you and your kid's struggling and you really want to do it your way and help them. And then you're real patient about bringing them around other kids maybe for school activity type shit that other places would do. But I just feel like kids need to be around kids,

man. You need to learn what the fuck's out there. You need to be around crazy dudes. You need to be around crazy girls. You need to be around really nice people. You gravitate towards them. You need to be around people who are manipulative so you see what it feels like. That's like the training wheels of life when you're going to school, the training wheels of social interaction in an unrestricted group, or at least unmonitored group. When kids get together in giant groups and they're 14,

they're somewhere in a, they learn who the fuck they are. They learn who you really are, who you're pretending to be. You know, the interaction between men and women and people attracted to each other, the rejection that you experience that way for the first time

or the acceptance and the addiction of a relationship, you need to experience that for the first time. And then the social dynamic of doing that in school and all the different, are you in with this clique or that clique and these people are cool or these people are not, that's a massive part of becoming a human being. Yeah, I just don't think you've got to do it. I mean, I think public schools are, I don't know.

Some places public schools are bad. But if you're in Boulder, Colorado, public schools are not bad. There's places in this country that still have good public schools. It's just L.A. Yeah, I went to a good public school. It's fine. I went to public school, too. I went Newton South, where I went to high school. Still to this day is a good public school. I still remember went to a public school. It was fine. I went to public school too. I went Newton South where I went to high school. Still to this day is a good public school.

I still remember the stink of the cafeteria. Well, you know. I mean, look. It's not the best thing in the world. You remember that smell? Our cafeteria in high school had Pizza Hut and shit like that. It was great. God damn. How did you have that? I don't know. We had like cake with spaghetti sauce on it. We had those weird

cheeseburgers that seemed like they were all punched out in one cube. Yes. It was like the cheese and the bun. They were all one thing. They were almost baked in together. It never felt like a bun. It was always wrapped in aluminum foil, and you'd get it and just squirt a lot of ketchup and mustard in that thing to give it some flavor. How much did your meal cost?

Oh, I don't remember. Ours was $1.25, and there was this humiliating thing before you would go to the lunchroom where the poor kids would have to get, you'd get cards based on what your parents had paid. So it's like A cards, and then the poor kids in front of everybody

have to get the E cards, you know, so that they have to, so everybody knows they can't pay, they're so poor, they can't pay $1.25 for this in front of everyone. That's fucked up, man. That is fucked up. And that's just one little piece of what public schools do.

And I agree with you, man. Kids need to interact. People need to interact. People need to play games and interact socially. But sometimes the way that interaction happens in uh public schools is brutal vicious terrible and i think ultimately very destructive for certain kids i think it certainly can be yeah yeah and i and and and unregulated because a lot of these teachers man they're fucking assholes and they they believe that kids you know some teachers my dude when i was in

school there was still corporal punishment kids would get paddled in the hallway i remember that so a kid i paddled once i got paddled when i live in florida so think about that so you see your kid legally has to go to this facility where a stranger gets to hit them gets to hit them now that is fucking crazy my mother was fucking pissed when she found out they did that. She was so mad. Because it was me and this boy got an altercation. I don't even remember. I don't think we hit each other.

We like pushed each other around or something like that. And they sent us both to the principal's office and we got paddled. Paddled S&M style. Yeah, it was a big like a squash paddle or something. Yeah. Hurting you. They're hurting you and humiliating you. Teaching you that if you don't bow down to authority then they can hit you legally fuck that man that is and it's state sponsored you have to go there they bus you in on these

weird fucking vehicles it's it's not the you know i think it's necessary for people to be around each other but fucking public schools man when did they stop the paddling thing remember that in elementary school, but then it just seemed like they stopped doing it maybe around that time. I don't know. They just gradually phased it out. Yeah. I think people just got really furious about the idea, especially when people realize how bad it is to hit kids.

I had a friend, Eric Norman, and he was always getting into trouble. And when he would get paddled which was an inevitability they'd take him in the hallway and he'd intentionally scream as loud as he could at the top of his lungs so you'd be sitting there and you'd hear this like i mean it sounded like someone's getting beheaded yeah jesus but it wasn't really hurt he was just doing it i think for the show but i don't know man that's pretty brutal for the show yeah no he's doing that because he knew it was upsetting to the teacher you know really yeah yeah that's actually kind of cool yeah it was pretty smart yeah i i thought it

was really disgusting kids were always puking remember that man that was a big part of public school is inevitably walking down the hallway and someone scattered the puke dust yeah that mini mint shit that's like mint mixed with fucking throw up. Yeah, I told you that stuff, that smell that you would get when you would go outside. I got cured of that from Fear Factor. You could throw up right in front of me. It doesn't bother me at all. It went away completely.

When I was in high school, if someone threw up in the hallway, I was done. I couldn't hold it in. I would just start throwing up in my mouth. It's a lunatic asylum, man. And then think about how they're making you sit in a fucking chair and they're telling you, Christopher Columbus is a wonderful man.

I don't remember what they told us about Christopher Columbus, but I do remember that they were saying that he didn't really land in America. They had already figured that out. And I was like, what? And they were like, were like yeah he landed in like with the bahamas or some shit like the west indies is that where he landed how about the pledge of allegiance how about that little fun component well how about it changed the pledge of allegiance changed what is

it 50s it became under god during the commie scare. It used to be one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all. And then it became one nation under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all. It was a Christian coup in order to ward off the dirty communists, those dirty red Russians. They want to take away your cigars. But I really love that they, they when people there's a spatial relationship that fundamentalists have with god he's like lives in the top floor apartment and they're under god isn't that strange yeah it's like god god god doesn't hang out down here this is kind of like the the i guess it's like a the fucking bad part of town or something he barely

comes here he's above us well he did it once and we didn't listen. We didn't tell each other. He told us to tell each other and we did a shit job of it. And because of that, suffer. Oh yeah, by the way, because of Adam and Eve, suffer. Suffer, live with sin, cover yourself with clothes. You're naked, you're disgusting.

That was because of two people. 6,000 years ago. We're all still fucked Yeah they fucked up That crazy bitch ate the snake And it's always for men She didn't eat the snake It would have been a much better

We'd be happy She was like oh I shouldn't eat the apple I should eat the apple She goes how about if I eat you stupid She deep roaded the snake Figures out how to make fire And and she cooks this snake over a stick. Adam comes back. Did you really put the camera on yourself to show yourself blowing yourself?

No, I was doing deep-throating the snake. Yeah, I know what you were doing. The story is so ridiculous, and that is the story. I mean, that is... Well, the literal translation of the story is ridiculous, but what it's talking about isn't that ridiculous. It's talking about the development of the neocortex so that people gained awareness of themselves.

That's what it's talking about. So eating of the apple is developing the neocortex? Yeah. Eating of the apple is the thing where we go from background actors in nature to foreground actors, where we're separated from nature. We to foreground actors where we're separated from nature we don't now we're what now we're we don't we we're individuals because if you're an individual then that's when all the shame and feeling weird about being naked comes from identifying yourself

as a self you know that's when you start like paying it you're paying attention to yourself if you want to start wearing clothes then Then what does the forbidden fruit represent? Because the, you know, if you want to go deep, the, what the fuck's the guy's name? There's a guy who died who was, not just the John Marco Allegro version of it, but several other biblical scholars want to point to the fact that the Amanita muscaria looks like an apple. Yeah. And that that represents the apple. Sure.

It could be. I mean, it seems like a psychedelic, doesn't it? They say when you drink ayahuasca, you tend to see a serpent thing, and you see a giant serpent, and here's a serpent telling people, eat of this fruit. So it seems like it's this invitation from nature

to wake up or to evolve. It could also just be an incredibly shitty story that's being told down by people who are scared of snakes. You know, snakes are scary. They fuck you up. I don't see it. Serpent lies. I don't think so. I think it's primitive.

I think it's a primitive story, but I think symbolically. Maybe a dude had an apple and he didn't want people eating his apples. And he said, listen, if you come near that motherfucker, a snake's going to get you. Yeah, I don't know. I'm sorry, symbolically? You said you think symbolically? Well, yeah, I think that that's some pretty...

I think it's, you know, mythology has got a lot... Some of the symbols in mythology literally are always ridiculous. But when you go to the deeper levels, they're pretty interesting because they're... It's still the human mind the symbols in mythology literally are always ridiculous, but when you go to the deeper levels, they're pretty interesting because they're, it's still the human mind trying to make sense of this thing that we're in. Right.

You know, and people have always been smart. It's just the symbols that they have to articulate, their understanding of the universe change from generation to generation. Not only that, it's incredibly difficult to decipher in an ancient language and figure out how to represent that today. Completely out of the cultural context of the times,

we were talking about watching The Twilight Zone from 1963 puts you in that time. Yeah. It's like this weirdness about the way they communicate with each other, the way the guy's lighting a cigarette on the plane, the whole thing. It's a time capsule. Exactly. It's a time capsule.

And as is any biblical work, any religious text. But it's an even shittier version of it because it's so hard. It's so fascinating. It's so interesting. If you really stop to think about it, that these people were so involved in these thoughts, they had to write them down back when they barely knew how to write anything down. Right.

If you look at cuneiform and those ancient Sumerian tablets. Yeah. That is some fascinating shit, man, because it's just like lines that go this way and that way and down. Yeah. Like old schoolie nails. You ever see an old house, like an old New England house? When people do construction on those houses they'll pull them apart and they have these weird nails sure and

the nails they don't look like the nails that we have today because they were all like handmade yeah or with a press and melted into a thing and when the the nails were they were more like uh like almost like a like a letter i without the dot on the end of it it was like a weird looking nail well that's what the cuneiform looks like it just looks like a bunch I without the dot on the end of it. It was like a weird looking nail. Well, that's what the cuneiform looks like. It just looks like a bunch of nails. Right. Like this way nails and that way nails. And you got to figure out what the fuck that means and translate it into modern day English.

Yeah, that's nuts. It's impossible for us to really grasp what's in the Dead Sea Scrolls. When they're talking about reading Aramaic that was written on animal skins and hidden in caves in Qumran, God knows when, literally. And they find these things thousands of years older than any version of the Bible that we have ever read before. Yes. I think it's like a thousand years older than the oldest versions of some of these stories. Yeah.

What was that life like? Man, that was a bizarre life. And where were our brains? How much, you know, because we do know that the human brain evolves. The human brain is developed. How much does, how, 5,000 years ago, how similar to the way brains are now were brains then? You know, we know that just in medieval times people people were much smaller than they are now because of nutritional

deficiencies what were their brains like well they're saying that our brains are actually shrinking um this is an interesting thing uh that it's in uh discover. They're talking about how there's leading theories about why human brains have become smaller since the Stone Age. And here's something cool for all you people that hate Apple. My browser has crashed. So everybody's like, fuck Apple. Fucking use a PC. Duncan's gone gone pc by the way i have

gone pc i'm born again pc doesn't like apple brothers no it's not i don't like apple it's just i like being free to use any kind of software that one i don't want to be sucked into some any kind of fascist techno pit. Steve Jobs is dancing with Jesus anyway. You sound like Todd McCormick. He says that shit too. We're going to figure out that the Apple back in the day was actually Apple and the tablets were actually iPads and all this shit like that. No, we're not.

No. Steve Jobs just created this whole entire room. Steve Jobs is God. Yeah, he totally is. What a lame name for God. Oh, here's my issue. Ready for this? Here's my beautiful issue.

Flash has crashed. Yeah, he shitfucks. Who saw that coming? Wait, where are you getting Flash on? Chrome, Google Chrome. So it was a Google thing. Sad. It's not even a Google thing.

It's just Flash itself. I still like Apple, man, but my experience with this new PC, it's so amazing. It's not even a Google thing. It's just Flash itself. I still like Apple, man, but my experience with this new PC, it's so amazing. It's just so amazing. What's so amazing about it? Video games. He's just talking about video games. I want to say that's not the case. Well, I told him, wait until you get your first

virus. Wait until you get your first virus and you send everyone you know ads to get condoms at a discount. I already got one of those. You got a virus like that? I got a virus in Apple. Did you really?

I got some kind of thing. I sent my dad some ad for vacuum cleaners. Do you have a Hotmail or a Gmail? Gmail. Yeah, you got hacked, son. I got hacked. Yeah. Yeah, look, I know there's dangers,

but guess what? There's dangers in all great endeavors. I don't need Steve Jobs to wrap his fucking nerf around my experience of the internet. I want to be able to fuck up my machine. Wow. Well, you say that before you lose your first manuscript. Yeah. I'm not going to lose it.

What if you're writing something brilliant and it gets eaten up? It's in the cloud. Or somebody hacks in your easily hackable computer and then turns on your webcam and records everything you do at night and sells it as eaten up. It's in the cloud. Or somebody hacks in your easily hackable computer and then turns on your webcam and records everything you do at night and sells it as a podcast. I promise you, you can already imagine what that is.

It's me dumbly staring into the computer. Drinking beer. A string of drool running down my face as I pretend to be a fantasy warrior. So is StarCraft the number one game that you play now? I'm done with Starcraft. I'm over. I've been humiliated by Starcraft.

So many levels. I'll never play again. I've failed. The creator of Adventure Time kicked your ass, I heard. No, no, no. That's what I heard. The first game that we played, he sharked me. Pendleton Ward sharked me.

He acted like he hadn't played StarCraft, so I was just fucking around, and he did a ridiculous mutilist rush and expanded his bases to the point where there's no way that I could overcome his economy. Oh, my God. You're such a dork. But the second battle, which is online, you can watch it.

I destroyed him and humiliated him. Was it Twitch or something like that or Twitch TV? It's on Twitch TV. Yeah. I actually watched a little bit of it. That was fun. You watched the actual contest itself? No.

That's when you're really a loser. You're not even playing a video game. You're watching Duncan play video games. I love watching people play video no man no we got we had a professional starcraft commentator who commentate for us and he was just like rolling his eyes the whole time like you were terrible yeah we are terrible so it's a very sarcastic it's like you doing ufc commentary if me and Ari started wrestling. It's like that. I would be very enthusiastic about that. I'm a professional.

That'd be fun. I'm a professional, man. Well, he definitely should have. The way he cast it was funny and it was good. Yeah, there's a bunch of comics fighting next Sunday. Russell Pewter's. Oh yeah, what is that about?

Those guys are going to get hurt. Yeah. They have Boone Shakalaka versus Josh Martin. Are they going to have actual fights? They're going to have boxing matches. I don't know. It's at a gym. Here, I'll find out. But it's actually going to be some fun PJs fighting.

Oh, God. PJs fighting that one guy that has the date. Cerebral palsy? Yeah. Oh, that's so wrong. That's just Lord of the Flies shit. Wait a minute. How can you have a guy with cerebral palsy? That's just Lord of the Flies shit. Wait a minute. How can you have a guy with cerebral palsy box somebody?

Have you ever heard PJ cough? He can move for a couple seconds and hit that guy. All you have to do is hit him once. You guys get cerebral palsy. It's so fucked up. It's really fucked up. That's so wrong. I don't even want to talk about that.

You guys are going to start cruising. I didn't even want to talk about that Don't even talk about that I didn't know they were going to do that I don't want to be a part of that I don't want to talk about that I think that's fucked up I didn't know they were doing that That shit's ridiculous Stop talking about it

I'll have to talk to Russell See what the fuck he's thinking He's crazy if that's true Davey's strong man He's been in a lot of fights. And actually, I think he's going to beat PJ. Dude, a guy with cerebral palsy shouldn't be

fighting somebody. Doesn't he already have a problem with his brain? There's a direct possibility that he can get hit. It's your nervous system, right? Your brain is the center of your nervous system. Honestly, to me, this doesn't sound sound appealing but if a guy with cerebral palsy wants to fight he gets to fight you know it's i'm sure that he's making the decision himself he's like people with cerebral palsy are they are they're thinking it's fine they just have this

unfortunate um disability so if he wants to fight he he should be allowed to fight. It's kind of empowering in a weird way, though I wouldn't want to watch it. I wouldn't want to watch it. I just think it's not right to exploit the guy. If he wants to go do it on his own, but to offer him some sort of a situation where this is occurring for someone to do that, I think it's crazy. He probably wants to do it. I bet he does. But whatever. I wouldn't want He probably wants to do it. I bet he does. I mean, but whatever. I wouldn't want to be a part of it. I wouldn't want to be a part of it either.

But I wouldn't want to tell. I mean, then again, what if he was super enthusiastic about it? I don't really know about it. He's been training and everything. Yeah. You can train if you have cerebral palsy? Yeah, he's fine. He walks around.

He's fine. Brian's a doctor. I mean, the only thing he does is, you know, he has that little, like, when he walks, he has that kind of little, like, kind of thing like that. But, I mean, he, you know know he has that little like when he walks he has that kind of little like kind of thing like that but i mean he he you know he was normal look if i if i had cerebral palsy i would want to be able to fight if i wanted to fight that's for sure but uh i i wouldn't i don't know he's cool i love that guy yeah he's a nice guy funny too also well i just hate to see somebody like that i hate to see somebody who can't move correctly, you know, get involved in something that can get them hurt.

That's like the whole idea of combat sports, whether it's boxing or something, is being able to move your body correctly. Otherwise, it's not really fair. I don't know exactly how cerebral palsy ails you, so maybe I'm talking out of my ass. But it seems like it wouldn't be a great fucking idea. Yeah, you just have probably more familiarity with what damage can happen to a person in a fight. How about death? Yeah, people can...

That means nothing. A woman who was a mother of at least one child died recently in a tough woman contest. She didn't have any money. She stepped in, big giant pillow gloves, got knocked out and died.

It happens. It fucking happens. And I'm sure the woman who killed her probably doesn't hit as hard as PJ. Weird shit happens to the human body when it gets hit. You fall, you hit your head on the ground, you can get knocked out by a punch that's not even that hard

and fall and bang your head off the ground and die. It happens all the time. All the time. And when you're talking about a boxer dying, well, it's been a long time since boxers have died because they're really good at stopping fights. They're really good at doing CAT scans and all these different MRIs to make sure that you're safe before you go in there.

And they found a bunch of things doing that. commissions have found during their examinations they found like like blood clots that have ended guys careers because they didn't even know they had them in there and if they burst it would be an aneurysm there's like real issues that people have found so to take these guys and just throw them in there without any proper physical examination to me is ridiculous yeah you're right. That's dangerous. They're very fragile people. These are not like robust, healthy people.

I had a roommate once whose brother went to jail because he punched a guy in front of a bar, and the guy fell backwards, hit his head on the concrete, and died right there. Oh, God. Shattered his little bird shell ahead. Wow. Yeah, it can happen man it most certainly can happen it most certainly can happen there's there's no doubt about it if you get hit and you fall down you know it happened to uh a guy that kevin james used to work with he was a bouncer in long island the guy hit a guy guy falls back bangs his head off the concrete, and that's it. I hate that in fight videos when you see the fuck.

Did you see that fight video where the guy actually knocks a guy down, then runs backwards and jumps on his head? No. It's nasty, man. It's nasty. I don't even want to see it. I've seen so many horrible things that people have done to each other on the internet. I mean, if you watch enough of that world star hip hop, there's a certain point in time where you just give up on people.

There's so many times where guys got knocked out in these videos and then people just take shots at them while they're out cold. Like random people run up and kick them in the head. Yeah. And not just one. I mean, many, many, many people do it. There's this one guy who got fucking pounded on it was horrific people just everybody just took turns running over to this guy and kicking him in the head and you're watching this video of just madness and you're like what creates a human being so cruel what creates a human being that's just seeking to hurt like that hurt just some random person this guy gets the green light

Stomp kick punch. I mean, it's horrific shit, man What do you think creates a human being like has to be the way they're developed the way they're growing up the way the the what? They're exposed to as children It has to be what they're exposed to in high school and how much love do they have in their community? How much hatred and anger? How much danger is there in everyday life for them? It seems to be incredibly high. That's the only way you could imagine

that someone would be doing something openly and wantonly so cruel knowing that it would be embraced by all the people around them. It wasn't like one person kicked the guy while he was down. And everybody jumped that guy. No. Everybody went.

You got knocked the fuck out. A world star. World star. And they run around and punch and kick. And they know that they're going to be accepted by their peers. All the people that are around them are allowing them to do this freely. No one has stepped up for humanity. Because they haven't

experienced it they don't even know humanity they know a hard scrabble world of fucked up people yeah drug addicts and drug dealers and criminals and poverty and lies and rape and that's all they What it is is they are reacting to anger. And they're reacting to anger and they have an ethic. Whoever it is. Many people have the ethic of one-upping the other person. They want to one-up. You know what I'm saying? It's a vengeance ethic.

People have a vengeance ethic where, you know that thing where you get in an argument with somebody? And you say some particularly cutting thing and then you walk away and for a second your ego's like you really got them they're gonna be wincing now that that part of yourself people live in that state constantly where when they move through the world they're always trying to hurt and to get a one-up on another person. It's that always one. It's not being able to let go of anger. That's what it is. Yeah.

Oh, I've had huge problems with that in my life. Me too. Well, me in particular because I developed as a high school person. I went from being someone who was incredibly insecure and very nervous about just social interaction. about just social interaction, very, very, I did not feel like a worthy, worthwhile person. To becoming obsessed with martial arts, to most of my high school time and well into my early 20s was spent constantly fighting, constantly going to tournaments, constantly competing in this really high level, high stressful situation. So got to see this this benefit of having this explosive side of me that i could just turn on i literally developed being the one who was willing to embrace

violence at a moment's notice knowing if it's coming if something happens i gotta be ready right now so i was always ready to go my mind had had me programmed in order to be successful that I was always ready to go. So I would have a real problem not escalating things. Because I was always like, there was an eventuality to escalation that I had already come to grips with that maybe other people were two or three steps away from. But I was there immediately. And I didn't want to let it go. And it's bad. It's a bad aspect of my personality that was mainly based on developing as a person and as a person who just began to respect myself through competition.

So if I felt like it was a competition, any kind of competition, any sort of social competition, I was like, fuck you. I wanted to take it to DEFCON 4 immediately. You wanted to win. Yeah. And it's that desire to win. It's that weird desire. It's fun to win. That's fine.

Nothing wrong with winning. But it's that desire to always be the victor, to always win. That is a poisonous, poisonous aspect of the self. And when you start letting yourself lose, you know, arguments in particular, you know, if someone's mad at you and they're saying shitty things to you instead of like trying to one-up them with some shittier thing, this is something I've been working on. Well, here I've been even better. Don't even participate in it. Yeah. That's the best part.

If someone, look, I have been, I'm the last person to talk about talking shit to people. There's a hundred videos online that you could find of me talking shit to people. For the most part, though, I rarely ever do it. There just happens to be videos of it. So if you add it up, and I'm way less active at it today than ever before.

But what I try to do always is just get out of it. And I don't, the last thing I want to do at this point in my life is hurt someone's feelings. If I think they'll laugh, I'll say something fucked up,

like in a comedy show. If someone heckles, I'll say something fucked up. But I'm hoping they're laughing at it. I don't want anybody to get their feelings hurt. No, I don't think you're like that, man. But I think that all of us at one point were like that. And have been like that. Yeah, yeah. And you know what an interesting thing that you said once that I think is really important, and I'm going to remind you of it. You said that you are not the guy that you are when you're angry. You're not the guy. It's not just because you did something stupid once or said something you shouldn't have said or been mean once.

It doesn't mean you're a mean guy. People try to define you by one action or by one behavior that you exhibited, and they'll try to define you forever by that. It's a weird thing that we do to define you forever by that. And it's, it's a, it's a weird thing that we do to each other. It's almost like, no,

you lost. Yeah. It's a form of competition. I got the score right there. You said this, you shouldn't have said that. Cause you know, I feel about this new and there's no,

you know, there's almost a no compromise situation there. Yeah. Well, that's that same thing, man. That's that thing of like wanting to win. Yeah. Well, that's that same thing, man. That's that thing of like wanting to win. Like I was, I went to eat dinner at this bar and I was sitting next to this lady

and you know, like sometimes you're sitting next to somebody and you can tell they have some, they, they, they're, they're having a problem in life or something. You, you, they're kind of looking for help. Sometimes you get around people and you can just feel it. They, they're lost or they want something. And like, I'm just sitting're eating and she starts talking to me right and then right away She's goes into talking about how her sister was getting married and her sister invited her up to Big Sur to go to the wedding and got there and there was nowhere to stay and Her sister her step or her sister-in-law's a bitch. That was the story she was telling.

But you're looking at someone who's like, that's just one little piece of the puzzle for them. They're locked into this worldview of fighting. They're constantly on the offensive, trying to poke back at the world, and that's the one little symbol of the thing that she could she could give me but then you she said something shitty to the bartender and then she like said something shitty to somebody else realized like oh this person's just going through the world trying to shank every living part of the world she wants to cut and shank and hurt she's shut down but inside of her because that's what i recognize i'm shit, this is like, sometimes the cruelest sort of person is someone who started off trying to be nice and then got shut down for being nice. Sometimes, yeah.

Yeah, and I could see, oh, this used to be a very sweet, nice person. So I said to her, you know what you should start doing? You should start doing like service work or missionary work. And she's like, I used to do that. I used to do that. I spent years doing that. And it was like, I used to do that. I used to do that. I spent years doing that. And she was, and it was like, I could see that part of her, you know, and then I could see she thought that by doing good things in the world, she should get some reward for it. But

instead of getting a reward for it, she got hurt. Whatever it was that happened during the course of her serving the universe, she got less of what she wanted or didn't get what she expected and because of that she's like fuck it i'm gonna be a bitch from now on because i tried to be good and i got punished for it i my wife has a friend that's religious and her and her friend um her and this other friend were um going to, this woman and her other friend, were going to get a real estate license, and she didn't get it. And she passed. She failed her test. But her friend passed, and she was complaining about it.

And what she was complaining about, she goes, I don't get it. I am a good person. Yes. Why didn't God hook me up with this? She literally said that. That's it. Right there.

See, that is the great fallacy of being a good person, is the moment you start being a good person as a job, and you're supposed to get these fortune paychecks from the universe in the form of luck or good things coming to you, that's the moment you fail. You fail. You really have to resign yourself to the idea that mostly, if you're being nice to people, they're going to hurt you. But how about the hypocrisy of not thinking that God perhaps has a message to the millionaire that you have to work to pass your real estate license so that you can go make more money from overvalued houses, by the way, right before the subprime mortgage crisis. It's hilarious.

Why didn't God reward me? As if you wouldn't think that God is brilliant and God has a plan. You wouldn't ordinarily go, well, God must be telling me something, which people who are legitimately Christian and benefit from that ideology can do. They can decide that it works for them. And they can say that God has a plan and any form of adversity that they encounter is just God setting them up so that they can figure out what's to be done. Well, that's the book of Job is all about the, you know, Job, you know, the story of Job. Yes.

Job, for those of you who don't know, summary of the book of Job, Job is like this great servant of God. Satan bets with God, hey, I bet I can make him do horrible things or not be your servant. So it's a really shit bet. And God's like, sure, whatever, do your best. And so like Job's kids, I don't know, I don't remember from there. His kids like get eaten or get set on, they get skin, Job gets a skin disease. He's like, you know, just like basically gets completely fucked up. And he's like supposed to be this, the ultimate servant of God. And the idea behind it is like, no, you don't understand.

This is like the God that made tigers and cyclones and tornadoes. What the fuck do you think? You think you can comprehend what's happening? The movement of... This is the thing that made the Big Bang happen, asshole. You think it can't evaporate your sons if it feels like it? You're applying your little ant logic to the thing? Guess what? You were just some little thing crawling on the window.

I decided to spray you with Windex. Big deal. You don't understand the true ethics of the world. So it sounds... Is this paraphrasing from ancient Hebrew to Latin to Greek to... Yeah, yeah. Way into hipster talk. But the whole point, I really love the whole point of the thing, because it's like, if you drop the luggage that contains the idea that from being kind, you deserve something back, it's such a big relief man because then when

you start doing things for people you're not doing them with some expectation of a return well isn't that what most of us do with our lives is sort of a form of prostitution we're doing something for money yeah trying to get money and that's why we put in the effort or we're trying to get something out of it and that's why we put in the effort. And when we don't get what we wanted, and we've been worshiping God all this time, and I still didn't get my real estate license, you feel like you got gypped. I shouldn't say gypped.

Gypsies don't like that. If you want to use the gut, if you... You can't say jude. You can't say gypped? No. You shouldn't say gypped like you shouldn't say jude. Are you shitting me? I said jude all the time when I was a kid.

And then one time my friend Brian, who was pretty much a hothead, but he was right. And he goes, you know how racist that is that you said that? And I was like, you know what? It is. It is. I said Jew you down. That is racist as fuck. I go, he's going to try to Jew you down the price.

And then I realized, I was like, wow. I didn't even think about it because it was just like everybody said it even Jews said it like my Jewish friends will crack the most Jewish jokes the most like you know look I'm a Jew I'll Jew you out of it especially our Jewish friends who are all comics yeah I just use the word Shafir now Shafir that's better but Ari's not cheap at all oh what are you talking what you think Ari's cheap yes he is why do you say that he's always like penny pinch. Oh, what are you talking about? What, you think Ari's cheap? Yes, he is. Why do you say that?

He's always like penny pinching. No, no, no, no. You're dead wrong. You're dead wrong. Ari's not cheap. He's smart with his money. Ari's smart with his money. Ari has a budget and he stays within his budget.

That's not cheap. Didn't Ari buy you a giant TV, Red Band? Didn't Ari give you like a big TV for designing his website? I remember walking into your house and you had some kind of huge TV or something. I thought already given them to you Oh, I must have been confused. You're high. Yeah, I must have been I just made something up But when whatever Ari's on a budget or was on a budget he's balling now living in New York City. He's bi-coastal Bisexual he's a great. No, he's not anymore. He's a grown man. That's funny to people.

Except bisexuals. They're like, fuck you, man. I'm fucking tired of the homophobia on the Joe Rogan Experience. We spent the first 30 episodes talking about big black cocks. All the homophobia is,ophobia is just a balancing act. We're just still trying to right the wrongs of the early days.

Have you rewatched Jew Clam lately? I don't want to watch any of that stuff. I move on with my life. I recently watched it, man. How did we do that shit? Especially the part where he's just showing us his balls. Well, Ari gave zero fucks. Ari didn't care.

He'll just show you his butthole. He's so crazy. He doesn't care at all. Ari's free. He's a free man. Unless he's at the airport. Yeah. He gives no fucks.

Well, you know what? He's living life like a real comedian. I mean, that's what he's doing. Yeah. He's out there trying to be a stand-up. Yeah. Hari Krishna, Ari Shafir, we love you. Yeah, so somebody reported that John McAfee died from cocaine in a hotel in New York City.

Lies. So just so everybody knows, lies. What, he's alive? Yes. Yes, he's alive. Oh, that's great. Have you watched any of those videos? So that's insane.

Yeah, they're funny. That's insane. But here's something way more insane. Way more insane. There's a Fox News anchor's something way more insane. Way more insane. There's a Fox News anchor. Okay. His name is Neil Cavuto. You ever seen that guy?

No. Okay. He looks like your typical American with a bad diet who loves God. Let me look him up real quick. Okay. Neil Cavuto. I'm sure he's a nice guy. But one of the things that he said, he asked viewers to consider if bombing Syria is a harbinger of the second...

I never say that word. I only read it. Harbinger of the second coming of Christ. Dude! He asked on TV if viewers would consider if bombing Syria is a harbinger of the second coming of Christ. Idiot, like you have to ask. Of course it's a harbinger. This is his quote. The Syria stuff is way old, Cavuto explained.

I mean Old Testament old. That's how old I'm talking about. Don't laugh. Don't laugh, he says. I guess he was preparing us. Don't laugh. I was gonna. You called it, though. You called don't laugh he says i guess if he's preparing us don't laugh oh i was gonna you called it though you call it you call don't laugh um yeah he said don't laugh some biblical scholars say it's all

there in black and white sure oh do they really they say that that's what they say hey biblical scholar what do you think about syria it's all there in black and white it S-Y-R-I-A. Syria. Black and white. Neil Cavuto. Oh, God. He's so crazy. He invited author Joel Rosenberg to weigh in on the link between the Syrian conflict and the Bible passages, which he said were uncanny and kind of scary. What are the passages?

Let's hear that shit. These are prophecies more than 2,700 years old. Some of them, but they have not actually been fulfilled, Rosenberg said. Oh, well, isn't that funny? You could just make a prophecy and one day, trust me, they haven't been fulfilled. This could be it. This could be the one.

Mr. Rosenberg says this could be the one. It could be the one. Let me tell you something, man. Once we get that temple where it belongs, the new will rise people are just such goobers they're just such dorks and goobers but wouldn't it be fascinating though if the reason why ancient civilization is based in the middle east is because they've always had the most oil and we've just known about that and forgotten it throughout human history like maybe they found oil thousands and thousands of years before we thought they did. Do you want to hear the apocalyptic verse, my friend?

Sure. So this is from Isaiah 17.1. How do you know that's it? I looked up Syria apocalypse. The burden of Damascus, behold, Damascus is taken away from being a city and it shall be a ruinous heap. Isaiah 17.1. Apparently Damascus is Syria. There's another one, Jeremiah 49.

It says that people will flee, but there will still be people in Damascus when the prophecy happens. So the bottom line is that we don't know if these two prophecies, Isaiah 17 and Jeremiah 49, will happen in our lifetime or soon. But they could happen because they haven't happened yet. Listen to that. They could happen because they haven't happened yet. Well, that makes sense. Man, that shit gives me the creeps, though, man. That's creepy because if you do think about it, it's like, okay, worst case scenario, Obama blasts some Hellfire missiles into Syria,

and for whatever reason, Russia and China decide to retaliate. Then we have World War III. What do they do? They bomb Hawaii? What do you think they do? What do they do? They do something like that. They attack Israel. They just blast Israel with sarin gas. Just fucking, you know, basically the idea is they decide,

let's just let the conflagration happen let's roll the dice and see what's left and then whatever's left that's the world we're going to be living in but that so it's i mean i'm obviously biblical prophecy who the fuck knows but i don't need a goddamn old dusty scroll to tell that it ain't a good thing what's really fucked up about biblical prophecy when it comes to the apocalyptic stuff is that a lot of it takes place in the area where the shit is going down.

I mean, it is kind of fucked up. When you think about Israel and the Middle East and all this shit that's in the Bible, well, Israel as a state wasn't even created until 1947, is that what it is? It was Palestine before then. But it was like 1947 is that what it is it was palestine before then yeah but it was israel before that yeah the the the earth itself like has like a place where the conflict orient that's the tumor that's the brain tumor and and and yeah it's no that's where

every that's where the knot is tightening every single day. And ironically, that's where it all started. Yeah. I mean, when they talk about human beings and— Ironically. Is it Iran? Sorry. Yeah, right? Well, Iraq is the big one, right? That's like where Sumer was.

Yeah, man. And it's— So I don't really understand why Obama wants to bomb those people because it's an interesting thing when you consider if you slow down what happens when you blow someone up with a conventional weapon to like a five-hour period. that over the course of five hours caused your body to gradually separate from itself and incinerate at the same time, that would be an illegal weapon. Yes. But because bombs work instantaneously, somehow they are less brutal than the sarin gas, which is awful. But what's his name?

Neil deGrasse Tyson. He tweeted, just so you guys know all bombs are chemical weapons they're all like instability of chemicals and i think that's a very smart point to make which is that if you damn this one thing is like oh this monstrous way of killing people versus this other way of killing people which which happens instantaneously, so you don't have to slowly watch them char and incinerate and watch their arm gradually break and bones shatter into the air. There's a study from Columbia Law School's Human Rights Institute to find the number of Pakistani civilians killed by drone strikes. So here, what they said is they have been significantly and consistently underestimated what do you think the number the percentage of civilians killed by drone strikes are

fuck i have no idea man i don't take a guess i don't want to know this is like satanic prices right just take a guess 1200 no no the. What's the percentage of people that are civilians? Oh, 98%. 98%. Wow. Yep. The actual innocents that were killed out of all the drone attacks, 98% of the people died were innocent.

Yeah, yeah. And that's such, so that's why it's really a spooky thing when Obama, you know, takes this like stance against these chemical weapons when it's like, well, you're killing people too. Listen to this, man. This is insane. Obama has authorized 193 drone strikes in Pakistan,

four times the amount authorized by George W. Bush. According to global research, over the past four years, Obama has authorized attacks in Pakistan, which have killed more than 800 innocent civilians and just 22 al-Qaeda officers. 800.

800. 800. 800 people. That is a lot of people. That's incredible. That's two sold-out shows at an improv on the road. That means 36 civilians per target were killed. That's two sold-out shows at a improv on the road. That means 36 civilians per target were killed. That's incredible.

Man. They have a list of all these people on this website, everyone who's been killed by a drone that was a civilian, and it's fucking dark, man. But doesn't it seem like we're not going to bomb Syria, Joe? Isn't this new thing that, like, after realizing that the public was sick of their idiotic wars and realizing that the House is probably going to vote against this war

and recognizing that no one on the planet wants the war to happen, the Pope, the new badass Pope, asked if the reason we're going to war is to sell weapons. He asked that. So like, you know, I think that popular public opinion all over the planet is so against this in every single way that they realize that this shit isn't working anymore. And so they had to have a back door. And he went and met with Putin. And Putin was like, here's how we're going to get you out of your stupid, shitty, dumb mess. Yeah.

You know, we're going to just take their chemical weapons away. We'll be in charge of the deal you guys don't bomb Syria and we get to keep our strategic Stronghold in the Middle East that you assholes failed to take away from us with your crap policy Whoo, I think that's what happened. I think it's also Putin comes off looking reasonable And that's what's really we've been looking reasonable a bunch except for the Making homosexuality illegal. He's's yeah what is that about where do you think that's coming from it's a bad shit place man it's coming from someplace wrong i don't know where but he's doing it and it's fucking wrong what if putin's just super gay he's he's gotta

be if you don't say that brian no you don't know shit you're gonna get us in trouble stop it can you don't say that can you get in trouble for saying putin's gay you can he doesn't want to hear that shit i'm'm sorry, Vladimir. Vladimir! Yeah, listen. My name is Joe Rogan. This is my voice. I don't think you're gay, sir.

I just said it. What if you could be? Brian, shut the fuck up. Hi, Mr. Putin. It's Duncan Trussell. I want you to know I don't think you're gay. I would love to go fishing with you. I'd like to go swimming in a lake with you.

Stop arresting gays, Mr. Putin. Don't do that anymore. It's the one thing that's fucking up your big plan. Well, there's a bunch of people who are threatening to out-closeted politicians now that have supported this new legislature in Russia.

I just don't understand how it happens. That seems to me to be a really tough pill to swallow in 2013. They're going backwards. backwards yeah and it's brutal and they're beating up gay people and just fucked up shit over there man fucked up shit meanwhile they're the ones who are like letting you know uh whistleblower giving him safe haven they're the ones who like apparently averted this stupid brand new american war you You know, like it sucks. You know, it's like everything when I was a kid,

it was all just so black and white. Yeah. You know, now we're the ones who seem unreasonable and irrational and insane. And that's such a bummer, man. That's such a shitty fucking bummer. And history is going to wonder why we didn't do more. You know, that's it.

History is going to look back and wonder why the citizens didn't do more to stop this shit. Even though we may have done enough to stop this from the public outcry, from calling constituents. It might have actually worked. I don't know. I think Obama's about to give a speech today about this nonsense. Yeah, even CNN, the front of it is like Obama's challenge, convincing you on Syria.

It's 0% of the public thinks we should do it. I haven't seen one person argue that we should attack Syria, literally. My mom even said she didn't want to go to war, and she was always backing up all the other wars. I think people are just learning. It's just we've been horse-fucked for so many years now. We've been horse-fucked years now we've been horse fucked since 2001 i mean that's really hard to believe it's really hard to believe that it's been 12 years of horse fucking the whole world's been horse fucked and at this point in time especially with this

second term of this supposed liberal and ordering drone strikes like crazy threatening military action for this one ambiguous strike. I mean, I don't know who the fuck caused that strike, but I know Ron Paul says that it was a false flag. Is Ron Paul right? What the fuck do I know? But if somebody wanted us to go to Syria for some other reason, and they decided to orchestrate an attack that would force the United States' hand into going into Syria, shit, dude, that's possible. If you don't pay attention to history, you might think it's not possible.

But if you do pay attention to history, it's happened. It happened with the Gulf of Tonkin. And that was even faker. It was even faker than this. Well, look, from the POV of some revolutionary, fundamentalist, Islamic person who's planning these attacks, we know that a lot of people, people who are fundamentalist Islamic, what we call terrorists, they don't have a problem putting dynamite in their body and blowing themselves up. So it's not beyond the pale to think that in the scheme of things, once they realize if they do a sarin attack it could possibly cause the

united states to attack and unleash hell on assad well yeah that's a logical decision to make and why would assad knowing that if he did a chemical attack it could cause all the gains he's made in his shitty goddamn uh civil war to go away why would he do that? It doesn't make any sense. Exactly. And he seems, I think he's a vicious piece of shit from what I've read, but he doesn't seem stupid. And apparently he was already kind of winning that war or making great advances.

So I don't know why suddenly he's like, yeah, release the gas, the gas that will make it so that we get a superpower to start bombing us. And who is he fighting against? Isn't he fighting against the Taliban? Well, it's a mix. Is he fighting against al-Qaeda? It's not just al-Qaeda. It's a mixture from what I saw.

There was this, I can't remember, it wasn't on CNN. It was on one of these weird news channels. It was just a conference with analysts talking about what Syria, what the revolution or the civil war is comprised of. And it's not all Al-Qaeda and it's not all Taliban and it's not all, it's different, it's different groups. Just in the same way, if there was a revolution in the United States, it wouldn't just be one group. It wouldn't just be the Tea Party. It would be anarchists. It would be, uh, you occupy wall streeters. It would be environmentalists. It would be Occupy Wall Streeters. It would be environmentalists. It would be fundamentalist Christians. That's what a civil war really is. It's just this shattering of people into groups with one initial main goal, which is get Assad out of power. And then the next, that's where a revolution can really suck or a civil war can really suck because then the thing collapses on itself and they all start attacking each other. Did you see that John Kerry used a fake photo to fuel the Syrian war?

I heard about that. He used a photo of the bodies. Yeah, I heard about that. This is the photo. It's a photo from 2003 from the Iraq war of a little boy jumping over these lines of bodies and he used that in a speech to try to beat the war drums how the fuck did he know or how could he not know rather that that's a bad photo to use yeah no shit man of course he knew right how about mccain playing fucking video poker yeah when they were

talking about bugs these are fucking thugs man they're they're talking about evaporating human beings and the guy's so comfortable that he's fucking playing video poker? He thinks we should go. Doesn't he? Yeah, he loves war. McCain's a big fan of war. I think he's supporting it, right? He's supported like seven wars.

Oh, hell yeah. Here he comes. This is live? Look at him. He has to walk down a red carpet. How dramatic. My fellow Americans. Hello, President. Tonight I want to talk to you How dramatic. My fellow Americans. Hello, President.

Tonight I want to talk to you about Syria. Oh boy. Why it matters, and where we go from here. Over the past two years, what began as a series of peaceful protests against the repressive regime of Bashar al-Assad has turned into a brutal civil war. Over 100,000 people have been killed. Millions have fled the country. In that time, America has worked with allies to provide humanitarian support, to help the moderate opposition, and to shape a political settlement. But I have resisted calls for military action, because we cannot resolve someone else's civil war through force, particularly after a decade of war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The situation profoundly changed, though, on August 21st, when Assad's government gassed to death over a thousand people, including hundreds of children. The images from this massacre are sickening. of children. The images from this massacre are sickening. Men, women, children lying in rows killed by poison gas. Others foaming at the mouth, gasping for breath. A father clutching his dead children, imploring them to get up and walk. It's better to set them on fire like I do. Check out my YouTube page for more videos. How crazy is him saying that and giving these images of a father clutching his children?

Are you an actor? What's with the dramatic narrative of a father clutching his children? Babies. Could be your baby. Dead. Children, babies, could be your baby, dead. The many thousands killed by deadly gas in the trenches of Europe.

In World War II, the Nazis used gas to inflict the horror of the Holocaust. We must use fire, not gas. Fire, you hear? These weapons can kill on a mass scale. What the fuck? There's no distinction between soldier and infant. They can kill on a mass scale. No distinction between soldier and infant. Like drones? You mean like drones? What about Hiroshima?

What about the 98% civilian rate your drones have killed? We set them on fire. It's the moral thing. Drown them slowly. Is there an international agreement that we shouldn't use drones? Because I would think that that would be a bad thing to use, too. Oh, man. Basic humanity. Rules of murder. Yeah. No one disputes that chemical weapons were used in Syria. The world saw thousands of videos,

cell phone pictures and social media accounts from the attack and humanitarian organizations told stories of hospitals packed with people who had symptoms of poison gas. Moreover, we know the Assad regime was responsible. In the days leading up to August 21st, we know that Assad's chemical weapons personnel prepared for an attack near an area where they mix sarin gas. Could you imagine how paranoid this dude gets at night? Yeah, fucking all the kids he's killed tap dance on his head. All the kids, that's just one part of it,

but just imagine all the conflict that he's engaged in. Mortal death conflict all over the globe. It's really gross, man, if you have to work on your speech to tell people to go to war. You don't want to hear what he says?

I want to hear what he says. Do you want to keep going? I just want to know if we're going to start bombing Syria. We're going to start bombing. He's going to start doing something. I think he might say we're going to... I don't know. Maybe you're right. Listen to what he's saying. ...commit atrocities.

They depend upon the world to look the other way until those horrifying pictures fade from memory what about us man but these things happened we burn we did the facts cannot be denied the question now is what the united states of america and the international community is prepared to do about it oh you, you mean France and Saudi Arabia? Because what happened to those people, to those children, is not only a violation of international law, it's also a danger to our security. Well, it's cool that the bombs he's going to drop aren't going to kill kids. Let me explain why.

They don't kill any kids. It's like two magnets coming together. They repel. The bombs are made by babies. It repels innocents. It's coming together. They repel. The bombs are made by babies. It repels innocents. It's baby bombs. As the ban against these weapons erodes, other tyrants will have no reason to think twice

about acquiring poison gas and using them. Jesus Christ. How weird is this? Honestly, if we don't attack Syria, I'm going to get some poison gas. It could be easier for terrorist organizations to obtain these bombs. Look, it's a free ride!

You fucking liberal pussy! Look at my new poison gas pistol! That is how someone who is a Tea Party Manchurian candidate would react. They would be like, you know, Obama wants to be such a fucking pussy, I ought to teach this country a lesson on my own, because none of those terrorists have the balls to fucking go after America, because to keep America strong, I went after America to keep America strong. Dude, I can't listen to it, man.

I'm sure that shit's going to take a long-ass time, and then it's going to freak everybody out, and it's going to be the subject of discussion tomorrow. I think it's very unfortunate that we live in this world. that we live in this world and to listen to that to think that he could be so free in talking about this sort of moralization is that a word of warfare when we've killed so many fucking people it's just really hard to believe and those numbers that we read off about deaths those are just drones that's just drone deaths the 98% is just drone deaths. It doesn't even factor in how many innocent people were killed in the wars in Afghanistan and

Iraq. But yeah, and again, yeah, it is the hypocrisy that it's okay to kill people with fire. It's not okay to kill people with gas. And this being coming out of the mouth of a man who regularly kills people with fire. Have you seen the video of the guys, the rebels in the street get hit by a missile? No. Pull that shit up, Brian. They start screaming, Allah waqba, Allah waqba. Fire, not gas. What should I search for? It's madness.

How about Syrian rebels hit with a bomb, maybe? Let's see. Syrian rebels hit with a bomb. Let me find out. It's fucking madness. It's a video. Let's see. Yeah, Syrian Rebels

People are all listening to this speech right now, man. Syrian Rebels almost hit by bomb. Let them listen, man. This is being recorded. It will go on forever. No, that's not it. There's one. There's one recent one of these guys in the

street and this bomb. That's not it. Our troops are coming home from Afghanistan. Afghanistan. Americans want all of us in Washington, especially me, to concentrate on the task of building our nation here at home. But I have to kill.

People back to work, educating our kids. Oh, our kids. But I have to kill. Oh, our kids. The owl god demands blood. Moloch. Moloch demands sacrifice. If I don't feed the owl god, he comes to me in my dreams. And if I don't participate in the sacrifice, I won't get the mansion. They have reserved a mansion for me on a hundred acres. I will constantly have... Okay, yeah me on a hundred acres. I will constantly

have... Okay, yeah, this is the one. A throne of diamonds! A throne of diamonds waits for me at the end of the black tunnel. I must feed the owl god. Yeah. What the fuck, man? Really? Is that what we've come to? Yeah. That is it,

man. Now what what now? The beaked lord desires blood. He's so beautiful, his words. How do you spell Allah Wakba? Let me look at my tattoo. Bravo! That was good.

That was worth 90% of your butthole jokes. Bravo! That's worth 90% of your butthole joke. Bravo! That was good. He just gained great ground. I can't find this fucking thing. These guys yell. There's no point in simply doing a pinprick strike. Pinprick.

Oh, no point. I hope I never end up in one of his pinprick strikes. The United States military doesn't do pinpricks. We're just going to go down there and pinch people. We're going to yank people's ears. Even a limited strike? Yeah, no other nation can deliver. We should remove another dictator with force.

We learned from Iraq that doing so makes us responsible for all that comes next. But a targeted strike can make Assad or any other dictator think twice before using chemical weapons. How many dictators are thinking about using chemical weapons right now? Other questions involve the dangers of retaliation. We don't dismiss any threats, but the Assad regime does not have the ability to seriously threaten our military. Any other retaliation they might seek

is in line with threats that we face every day. So we're basically saying they're weak. Neither Assad nor his allies have any interest in escalation that would lead to his demise. And our ally Israel can defend itself with overwhelming force. We just want to kick the guy in the

unconscious guy in the face. The United States of America. Yeah, what is, what the fuck is that? Well, she's involved at all in a place that's so complicated. Yeah, why where there's one person wrote to me Those who come after Assad may be enemies of human rights. You can write to Obama It's true that some of Assad's opponents are extremists. He'll listen. He'll change. But Al-Qaeda will only draw strength

in a more chaotic Syria if people there see the world doing nothing to prevent innocent civilians from being gassed to death. We burn them. We don't gas them. The majority of the Syrian people and the Syrian opposition we work with just want to live in peace and

freedom. And the day after any military action, we would redouble our efforts to achieve a political solution that strengthens those who reject the forces of tyranny and extremism. Joe Biden beat me at poker. He used to run Raytheon. They sell

hellfire missiles. But, I mean, listen to what he just said. What we're trying to stomp out is exactly what we're doing. I mean, the massive amount of hypocrisy. We should not be the world's policeman. We should be the world's dragon. And I have a deeply held preference for peaceful solutions. Brian, pull up this video.

Syrian soldiers hit Syrian rebels by street crossing. Well. Oh, wait a minute. That's not the one. I'm trying to find the right one. Oh, here it is. Oh, damn it. It doesn't have a, it has a crazy Arab name to it.

This is the video. If you could find it. Look at this video. These guys are shooting in the street. And they get jacked by a missile. This is what they're dealing with. You got these guys who have guns and they're like, da-da-da-da-da.

They pull up in a pickup truck and they're like, we have an even bigger gun in the pickup truck. They're gonna kick some ass and watch how the shit hits the fan here, man. Exciting day everyone's about to have.

These are, whose side are we on here? I guess we're on the side of the guys who are about to get jacked. Who knows? Watch this shit. So the guy backs up his truck. And they don't even have a chance to respond. Watch. Look at this. They're trying't even have a chance to respond. Watch. Look at this.

They're trying to move. Jesus Christ. Boom. And the guy's just screaming, Allah waqba, Allah waqba. Watch that again. Back that up again. You're actually controlling it.

Oh, sorry. Jesus Christ. How do I do that? I don't want to go to another fucking war man One more time We did a good job of filling the screen there buddy Yeah that's actually really good Alright watch this one more time

Look they sort of realize it's happening Like look at their body language Like they're like oh shit oh shit Watch this there you go they're running Boom Are you fucking kidding Hey man that's an ethical way to blow people up. It's way better than chemicals. That was a beautiful thing.

Those guys are lucky. That was like being killed by an American eagle. That's like getting killed by a gourmet chef. So precision. The United States doesn't do pinpoint strikes. I have... Seven.

Let's hear it. He's about to wrap it up. Yeah. I'm doing more than forging international agreements. It has meant enforcing them. The burdens of leadership are often heavy. I can't get it up unless I'm curling. Because we have borne them. And so to my friends on the right, I ask you to reconcile your commitment to America's military might with a failure to act when a cause is so plainly just.

Okay, let's stop. So he's probably the, is he the worst president we've ever had? He's the most disappointing, for sure. Because Bush was scary from the jump and he was scary when he was going to war and he was scary when he was misspelling words. He was always scary. But Obama was promising and now he's terrible. That was awful. That was awful.

And it was so corny. It was like watching that show. What was that old show that used to be on JAG? Remember JAG? It was a military show on NBC or CBS. CBS? CBS. It was fucking military show on like NBC or CBS. CBS? CBS. It was like, you know, it was fucking real clear.

The good guys, bad guys. Yeah. Good guys always won. Yeah. Everything was, it was an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Sure. That's what that was. And he just gave us.

What I really love is they try to give the illusion that there's such a thing as a safe war. That's what's really funny. He's like, I'm just going to stick this stick in the hornet's nest. The hornets can't fly over here. You're going to be fine. There'll be no retaliation. They can't even retaliate. There's no need to worry.

And it's the same kind of retaliation. That's Jack. Oh, wow. But how crazy is that? The idea that you could just retaliate, you could do that and not face retaliation. What if we attack Syria and Russia decides to put missile shields up? Now we have Obama leading us into fucking World War III against that crocodile Putin? That's scary.

That's scary to think about, man. I don't know, man. I'm so disappointed in the whole way this is laid out or the whole way this is taking place. Don't do that, Brian. We're going to get flagged. Flagged for changing his color? Yeah, we'll get flagged. Terrorist activities. Yeah, we're not flagged, are we? We're not doing anything wrong, goddammit. I pay my taxes.

You are doing something wrong. If you protest against war, I can't believe you support a man who would use chemicals to kill children, Joe. Let's smoke them out. Yeah, isn't that funny? You support the other guy if you don't think that you should fire missiles. Oh, now he's leaving the same way he came in.

Oh, my God. Nice and dramatic. Just that alone, all of this theatrical shit was orchestrated, folks. I guarantee you there are some people that are involved in this. There's some producers. There's an artistic director. That was a well-planned out scene. He walks up.

He walks back. The fact that they do it in this ancient stupid house where he supposedly lives. Meanwhile, you know he's in some fucking seven-mile thick bunker down deep into the ground, the bowels of the earth

where Dick Cheney was hiding all throughout the Iraq War. You think there's just a metal slide he jumps in? It's a shoot, like a laundry shoot. He just jumps in and slides through and lands on the towels and just dusts himself off. Surrounded by lizards who are like, excellent work.

Yeah, it's Batman's lair. He's got Batman's lair. Excellent work, Joe. I have, you know, I guess we've got to wrap this up, but in closing, I have this conflicted view of life. I have this massive hope for people. I see all this change in people I know. I see people growing and progressing, and I see people communicating with each other online and exchanging information in a way that's never existed before. And I'm so encouraged by it. I'm so hopeful about it. I see people being overly sensitive online, which I

think is a sign of the right kind of thinking. I think the right kind of thinking is there's a balance issue going on. The oversensitivity, whether it's in feminism or whether it's progressive thinking, I think it's in balance that people who didn't feel like they were represented now feel aggressive with their representation, aggressive about their ideas and putting them forward. And I think this is just some signaling of some new age of expression and that we're learning about ourselves and life in a way that we never were even capable of understanding before

and it's so so incredible to be alive in this time but yet the same old stupid shit is going on the same power grab the same resource monopolization the same justification of murder the same rationalization of killing innocents one way as opposed to another, the moral high ground that this one murderer takes over other murderers. Yes. It's madness. And that's shocking to me. That's so funny you say that, man, because it really is funny.

It's like a serial killer judging another serial killer. Because Obama is killed. How many people is that? I don't know. Let's stop worrying about it. Where are you going to be this weekend? Doing comedy? I'm going to be at the comedy store this Thursday night.

Go see Duncan. Give him some love. Brian, your dates at the Phoenix place? September 26th, which is a Thursday, and then September 27th, you can just go to standuplive.com or just go to deathsquad.tv for all the tickets. Me and Tony on Thursday and then Friday

me, Tony, Tom Segura and Christina Pajitsky. Also, Joe, LA Podfest is the first week of October. I don't know if you're going to be on or not. No, not doing it. Thanks anyway. October 25th I'm in Manchester at the Dance House. Not that I have anything

wrong with Podfest, but I can't. I got too much shit to do. And I'm going to see Honey Honey that night. I have anything wrong with Podfest but I can't I got too many shit to do and I'm going to see Honey Honey that night Honey Honey's in town you guys should come if you want when is this?

if you're Podfesting October 1st Manchester I'm doing the Dance House I think the first show might be sold out or real close we're going to try

to add a second show although they don't like to do that in England they like to do one show and then go home so I don't know how do that in England. They like to do one show and then go home. So I don't know how that works. But Manchester, England, October 25th, and it's an 8 o'clock show.

So I'll see about doing another one if at all possible. And I also added a bunch of dates. I had a good time in Brea this weekend, but I was a little rusty on Saturday night, my second show especially. I was burnt out from walking around Disneyland, and I think I had kind of a sloppy show in the second set, and I got bummed out about it. And someone wrote about it on Reddit too, and I kind of agreed with him a little bit. So I decided to start doing more gigs. And I've got the Ontario improv that I booked for the first week in October, and then the Irvine Improv for the first week in November. So the first weekend in November. What?

Ontario is fucking awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. So is Irvine. So first weekend in October, the Ontario Improv. I think tickets are on sale already. And then the first weekend in November, the Irvine Improv, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, both places. All right, folks.

And we'll be back on Thursday with the lovely and talented David Cho all up in this bitch. And that's it. Thanks to LegalZoom.com. Use the code name Rogan. Save yourself some cash money. And thanks to Lumosity.com. Lumosity. Lumosity.com.

Go get your head right, son. Do some brain exercises so you don't talk like we do. All right.com. Dot com. Lumosity. Lumosity.com. Go get your head right, son. Do some brain exercises so you don't talk like we do. All right. We love you guys. We'll see you soon. Bye. Bye. Thanks for watching!