The Joe Rogan Experience - #393 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 16, 2013

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, and hosts his own podcast with his wife, Christina Pazsitzky called "Your Mom's House" available on Spotify.

Hello sweet freak bitches from space We are here We are queer. Hey, let's do it. Remember that. Yeah, we're queer get used to it. Yeah, all right Jesus I marched about ten of those problem. That is what about all the people that were used to it? You know, you have to get all fucking aggro. I'm happy for you. We're here. We're good. I'm used to it. I'm used to it. Do you really have to yell outside my window, though, as you walk by with a million of your friends?

You know, if you live in San Francisco and you're on that fucking parade route, boy. That route, that's the one, too. Don't plan on taking a nap that day. West Hollywood? West Hollywood one is on. It might be the bigger one. West Hollywood might be the biggest gay spot. Sanisco still has the reputation as the biggest gay spot yeah but how can it fuck with how could it fuck with hollywood there's more people here man and that

area is all gay there's no one area in san francisco where it's all gay yeah you know there's areas in san francisco where there's a lot of gay folks that live. But, like, West Hollywood is that one stretch of Santa Monica Boulevard with all the gay bars. They just own a neighborhood. And that shit is on lock. It's like Mafia Run. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. And if you go anywhere near there, be prepared to suck a dick.

Yeah. Because someone's going to stuff one in your mouth. I mean, it's going to happen. There's only one way to find out. Let's go to both of them like be joe rogan questions everything for the gate gay parade how should we dress we'll get to the bottom of it definitely fucking do that you should go you should go in like uh some real bdsm like leather shit with a fucking chain strap i don't want to question that absolutely but i feel

like um i don't know dude I think There are neighborhoods Cause isn't What's the neighborhood In San Francisco I was just handed Something that says Move over New York San Francisco

And Los Angeles Columbus, Ohio Is now the nation's Number one gay city Oh yeah Wow Is that true Yeah

That's a good move I mean if you're gay And you're on a budget Why fuck around You could get a really Nice spread In Columbus You know Yeah I mean, if you're gay and you're on a budget, why fuck around? You could get a really nice spread in Columbus. You know? Yeah.

I mean, why the fuck would you want to pay L.A. prices for a house? L.A. prices for houses are goddamn ridiculous. They are so stupid. And the money in this city, too, that you, like, you don't, like, mine, I rent a place, I rent a house. Uh-huh. The house across from me just sold. And it sold for, like, $850. Which I'm like, wow from me just sold, and it sold for like $850,000. I'm like, wow, that's a lot of money, man.

$850,000. They're tearing it down. The teardown started yesterday. And they're going to put up some jamming. Right, but I'm saying that's the money that like it puts into my mind where I go, Jesus, it's like not only do I not, like it's an $850,000 house just out of my league. I'm like, that's a nice goal to get to. They're like, no, we got it. I'm going to tear that shit down and I'm going to build some shit I want.

So you spent $850,000 just to get the lot of land. Fuck the house. Now I'm going to spend money to build my house. Well, you know what Arnold did? He lived in the Palisades. Yeah. He bought the neighbor and then just leveled his house and said, I want a yard. Wow.

That's fucking another house. He bought like a $4 million house and just fucking leveled his house and said i want a yard wow that's fucking he bought like a four million dollar house and just fucking leveled it that's wow that's fucking he's like i want a place to kick my ball i mean he didn't even buy it like move his mom in or something yeah i need grass man he just leveled that bitch he didn't want to have family closer. No. No, thank you. That just puts it. See, that takes us another level. Yeah, that's super balling. We're supposed to do commercials, but at this point, it just feels like we shouldn't do commercials.

We should just keep doing what we're doing. But I have a certain amount of week on you. I guess I have to do. Run your spot, man. You know what I'll do? I'll just shove them all in tomorrow. Fuck commercials. No commercials at all.

I'll shove them all in tomorrow. And tomorrow, we got Matt Fultron. That should be a badass podcast. Full charges in the house. And then on Wednesday, we got Kathleen Madigan. Oh, snap. Old school, all-time woman's great. I put her top 10 all-time woman comedian of all time.

And people say, like, you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't categorize men and women. But you do. Yeah, you do. So there you go. So tough shit. There's all-time black guys. There's all-time white guys.

There's all-time drunk guys. Sure. All-time gay guys. Who's on your all-time drunk list? Stanhope, number one, for sure. Not even close. He's not even close. Second.

Attell's number two when he was in his prime. Yeah. When Attell was in his prime and he was out there fucking hammering it on a regular. He was hammering it hard. Oh, my God. And he's a a brilliant brilliant comedian on top he has he has some of the he has lines that are in our lexicon like my personal one you know i mean like he had a joke one time about puppies and he was like puppies p you uppies and just he always said like silly shit to this day i still say p P-U-Uppies. He did an album.

He recorded it at the Comedy Works in Denver. Skanks for the Melodies. Yeah, one of my all-time favorites. And one of the reasons why I want to record my next special there. I mean, I have to call Wendy and ask her if she's cool with it. My next Comedy Central special, I want to record in Denver. That's fucking right. And I want to record it in that little spot.

Because that club, I don't think in Denver. That's fucking right. And I want to record in that little spot because that club, I don't think it seats even 300 people, right? Is it about 250, perhaps? The downtown one is probably, I would say it's probably just under 300. And then the other one

is much larger. The other one's a little over 400. Yeah. Yeah. But that one is perfect. That one downtown. It's like the perfect

comedy club. It's like literally impossible to get a better club. It's fantastic. Everybody's locked in their seats. The seats don't move all over the place. You're in your spot. That's your spot. Boom.

The table's welded to the fucking floor. And because of that, they've gotten all these people in. And it's plenty of room to enjoy a show. But everyone has their own little table. It's a dope setup. Wendy's a badass bitch. She's bad, motherfucker. She's badass. And I call her a bitch with all due respect of course i love her she's a very nice person she's one of the reasons why i moved to colorado in the first place she knows

how to run a club man well i knew she had a real community i was like if i'm gonna live somewhere outside of la and still do stand-up i need to go to a real community and the thing about colorado is they're really fucking around there there is a lot of people there that are trying out shit there's a lot of people there that are you know there's there's good comedy they're like developing their own good real comedy way before comedy i did comedy that was my number one choice for college really denver university yeah it's so beautiful i didn't get in you know flood seen all the floodings there? It's crazy, dude. Dude, like roads washed away completely. Horrible. Five people dead.

Hundreds missing. Hundreds of people unaccounted for. Yeah, all my friends' basements are flooded. Yeah, well, we saw some people on the Rogan board. They posted photos, and I saw some on CNN and some other different places. It's insane, man. It's really crazy shit. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that giant chunk of street missing. CNN, some other different places. It's insane, man. It's really crazy shit.

Look at that. Look at that. Look at that giant chunk of street missing. There was a video that they had online that had this giant chunk of street just wash away in front of these people, and their cars fell into it, and they were videoing the waterfall smashing into these cars. It was like, what? That used to be a street just 10 minutes ago? What was happening there where I feel like we knew floods were coming.

Like there was like- Really? Yeah, I thought there was like news about these floods coming. Do you remember that or no? I don't know. I don't pay attention until it's too late. I'm like, what if there's a typhoon in Japan?

Oh, that sucks. Yeah, there's a typhoon that's going to hit Fukushima. Oh, shit. They're already releasing radioactive rainwater into the ocean. What they call low-level radiation. It's a low-level poison. Would you go to Japan? You've been to Japan.

I don't want to go anymore. Because of that? Yeah. I think that situation... Look, obviously I'm an idiot, and obviously I'm paranoid. Take those two things into account. Yeah. But I'm worried about what happens if while you're there

Another earthquake hits What if there's another earthquake that hits while you're there And they get hit with another fucking tsunami You know look That if it happened once just a couple years ago It can happen again And I think that situation is very unstable Like they're coming up with all these unique

And novel ways to try to contain the radioactive water. For folks who don't understand it, and I'm one of them, but I'm going to reiterate some shit that somebody said that does understand it. What they were basically saying is you can't cool that shit down. You have to continue to pump water on it in order to try to cool that area down.

It's already melted through its containment area, so the radioactive waste is already somehow or another in the ground. So there's that. And then they're pouring millions of gallons of water on that thing, millions and millions and millions. And a lot of it is seeping right back into the ocean. So you're getting all this intense radiation entering into the ocean

at unprecedented levels in mankind. There's literally never been a moment in humankind where the earth had a spill like this, where we irradiated an ocean. Most of that stuff that's on land is much more containable, like Chernobyl's more containable. It's a fucked up place. It's a dark, dark situation in Chernobyl,

but it's in Chernobyl. This shit is going to go over the whole ocean. It's getting out there and it's floating. And people are like, yeah, man, you're being a prophet of doom. And you don't even really know and you're talking all this crazy stuff. Yes, you're right. But I might be reading really – I'm not reading know uh conspiracy news sites that are giving me this information i'm reading like pretty much all the mainstream sites no one is saying it's going to

be okay i haven't heard anybody that says relax about fukushima everything's going to be cool yeah they don't know they're trying to build a giant hole in the ground and they're going to stick these cones all around it, and then freeze these cones to make a wall of ice. So they have to have all this radioactive water contained in this fucking enormous several mile

wide containment area. Just to try to do something. Just for water, just radioactive water that they're pouring on these rods to try to cool it off. Again, I don't know exactly if that's how it works. This has to affect seafood from that area too, right? They've already shown a 3% rise in the radiation of some fish. Really?

And that just happened. I mean, this is talking about a couple of years. And then we consume that though. Uh-huh. It takes a while to get to us. It might not even get to us for a year or so. But a year or so, they might be telling you, hey, it's probably not the best idea to go in the water. That's real. You're talking about a massive spill that doesn't end. And it's going to be like that for hundreds of thousands of years.

And I've had people tweet me about this. And they're like, well, it's all diluted. And you have to realize how big the ocean is. And you totally right absolutely it's probably i'm probably looking at it wrong i'm probably being an alarmist but it's never gonna stop leaking do you get that yeah it's never gonna stop what might not be a horrific catastrophe today could easily be one 50 years from now if they can ever never get it to stop like part of the reason why people aren't freaking out is because we always have this optimism about like human ingenuity is that we're going to figure out a way right right we're going to figure out a way we're going to figure out a way yeah we're not going to figure out a way with that yeah okay the nuclear thing is a weird thing it's a weird thing because it does work most of

the time and everybody wants to stress that like listen you're being an alarmist about nuclear power it does work most of the time, but people have only been alive For how long what is the agreement is it a hundred thousand years or something like that? Let's say a million in this form right? Let's say we've been around a million years in the last 100 we've made three spots where you can never go again As long as they've been human beings alive. that's how long into the future it's likely that area is going to be irradiated. What are the three?

Chernobyl, Forma Island, and then this one, Fukushima. Those three spots are gone. We don't own those spots anymore. The universe owns those spots. Physics own those spots. The insanity of atomic power own those spots. Physics own those spots. The insanity of atomic power own those spots. And it's this very weird situation where nobody wants to admit that that's a striking number. Three in the 60 plus years that it's been active, three places are useless. What's a thousand years

from now? I mean, just take the time and do the math. You can't stop it. Unless you come up with some insane new technology that figures out a way to contain that radiation, you're always going to deal with a really bizarre problem. A problem in that if you use it, you make the area around you unsafe for life forever. Forever. For 100,000 years. I mean, what is 100,000 years? You can't even wrap your head around that. I know. There was no civilization 100,000 years? I mean, what is 100,000 years? You can't even wrap your head around that. Yeah, I know. There was no civilization 100,000 years ago. Zilch, none, nothing. Everybody agrees. Even Graham Hancock agrees.

All the craziest theorists about backdating civilization, they all go, 100,000 years ago. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. We were fucking throwing spears, wooden sticks that we sharpened at the end. We probably didn't know how to use fire yet. Imagine life here 100 years ago. Dude, there was no language 100,000 years ago. They think language is 40,000 years old.

Really? Yeah. It was all just grunts and points and shit and showing by example and screaming. It'd be some really successful comics. Yeah, it would be like the best time ever for a lot of comics. There's no words, man. We don't even need any words.

Ah! It's hard to believe that we're willing to gamble, that we're going to fix that. Do you ever read about how many, I was fascinated by how many languages go extinct like every year? Wow. There's languages that, you know, there's obviously like the huge languages that millions and even billions of people speak. But then every year there are languages that they're trying to preserve by continuing to speak them. And, you know, people learn the language just to have it like an endangered species. And then it just goes away.

Yeah, I saw an article recently on this guy who was the last guy to know this language. Really? Yeah, they had studied this dude and he had tried to communicate it with them and then he fucking died. Yeah, and that's what happens with a lot of the native cultures,

like Native American tribes that had a specific language and they pass along, pass along, and then it becomes not important or not cool to pass the language like it's not useful Yeah, and then it's fewer and fewer people speak it like they found languages I think even in South America of like in like in the jungles that they thought like this Group and language had you know gone? Whatever extinct forever and found that they're still living in the jungles

I don't know anything but English but you know Spanish, you speak Spanish fluently yeah, pretty well I've seen you talk to people, pretty fluid especially to me, that doesn't speak anything so how much different are those two as a language you have to think differently

that's the reason why a lot of people who are from another country make the same mistakes over and over again, whether it's German people, Brazilian people, a lot of them make the same kind of mistakes. It's because the whole structure of sentences is different. It's true. Yeah.

Like there you, like in Spanish, you say something like, you know, you say chocolate milk in English and there you would say milk of chocolate right that's how you say that so you say but so like if you're if you're trying to literal translation sometimes the way that you would say it you have to reconstruct it but it comes easier to you if you're hearing it all the time like Like, I used to hear Spanish every day.

I mean, you know, for the first 18 years of my life, because that's what my mom spoke. So it becomes, you realize, like, the way to say that, it's automated. Does it ever fuck with your English? Did it fuck with your English as a kid? Like, did you, like, mix up the wrong, like, accidentally wrong, accidentally use a Spanish word for it, or accidentally say something in a way that you would say English, but you said it in Spanish? I think that came more when I was

learning to speak more. For the longest time, my mom spoke Spanish to us, and we just spoke English to her. It was always a two-language conversation. That's so weird. She said everything in Spanish. And we were applied completely in English, and she completely understood us, and we completely understood her.

But our speaking Spanish wasn't as good, and her speaking English wasn't as good. But then she started, well, my parents sent me to spend my summers in Peru, and then that's when it greatly, like, because you already understand so much because you were exposed to it, and then you're forced to speak it. But when you're forced to speak it to everybody, it gets way better. What did you do in Peru? I would go to school because our summers are their winters.

I have a ton of cousins and stuff. I would stay with one aunt and uncle. I can't even speak English right now. Aunt and uncle. Aunt and uncle. Uncle, uncle. Yeah. And they had three boys that were like my age, basically.

So I would go there, go to school, and just fuck around. I mean, we would just, you know, you're just 12, 13, 14 years old, just, you know, living in Lima. And then they would come to the United States one by one for their summers to get better at English. Wow. Yeah, so we would take turns at each other's. They say that's one of the best ways to improve your mind.

Really? Yeah, learning other languages and speaking in other languages, and then also when you start to dream in those languages. Yeah, that happens. Yeah? That happened when I was in college. I went to spend a semester in Spain, and at that point I already spoke pretty well, That happened when I was in college. I went to spend a semester in Spain.

And at that point, I already spoke pretty well. And then I started to do college term papers in Spanish, where you're writing 20-page papers for a class on comparative economics in Spanish. Jesus Christ, son. And then at that point, I mean, my Spanish now is not nearly as good as it was like the year after I left Spain or that I was there and that whole year after because it was other level.

I was dreaming in Spanish. Wow. It was my first thoughts came to me in Spanish, you know, like because it was just so much and it's such a high level every day. How long do you think it would take you if you were immersed in a Spanish culture to start speaking like that again? I think, um, I think a couple years would be, I would be, I mean, I could go and I speak

to people now in Spanish and they ask me what country I'm from. So they get confused. They get confused. Who's this weird motherfucker? Here's the weirdest thing. And I know it's funny. Like if people who speak Spanish know exactly what I'm talking about, I don't speak Spanish. I speak Spanish like a South American.

And you would, you would know that it's probably from Columbia or Peru, that area. Because there's very specific little accent details. Just like here when someone's from New York, from Boston, you know, someone's from Texas. You know, you, you, you pick up even someone from Maryland, you know, someone even like specifically Baltimore has a very specific accent. So when you speak Spanish, it's the same deal, right? You pick up on these little details. Right. And people who are native Spanish speakers will go, oh, are you from Argentina? To me all the time, even though I have nothing of an Argentine accent. But they do it because I look like I'm more from Argentina than I am from Peru.

Isn't that interesting? So they're associating what they see and not what they hear. Well, Argentina is more like Spain, whereas Peru is more like Mexico, the look. Features-wise, there's a way bigger native Indian population in Peru in Peru way more

and there's a there's a white like Caucasian population too it's just a great minority in Argentina it's the opposite didn't a lot of Nazis

go down there when the shit hit the fan fuck yeah yeah they did right yeah and the most famous of all extractions,

the story of the house on Garibaldi Street is about... I like how you say that. Yeah, Garibaldi. The Eichmann. Oh, yeah. Eichmann moved to Buenos Aires, and he was living in a house, and he had his family there, right? His wife, his kids.

One of his kids told somebody in school about, like as a secret, told a girl he was dating about the truth of his family. Oh, no. The girl ratted him out. Wow. And what Israel did, which is like considered unacceptable when you talk about the way that countries interact with one international standards and, you know, treaties and the way that we all have kind of a diplomatic process that we go about is they came in and Jason Bourne style took that motherfucker, kidnapped him, flew him back to Israel and was like, we got this guy. And they were like, what?

Like that kind of shit. You know, instead of trying to go about, hey, we want to go for a whole extradition, they came in, snagged him, brought him back. Yeah. The Israelis don't play. Fuck no. No, they don't play when it comes to that shit either. Uh-uh.

Some girl, I mean, it's kind of a fucked up story, but some girl was a photographer and she had gone to the West Bank, and she took some photographs. And when she was going through Israeli customs, some of the photographs were like of spray paint graffiti, and one of them said, like, fuck the Jews. Oh, shit. So the dude puts her laptop down on the ground. He goes, I'll be right back. He takes a gun, comes back, and shoots the fucking laptop. Wow. Shot the laptop and gave it back to back, and shoots the fucking laptop. Wow.

Shot the laptop and gave it back to her, the bullet hole in it. Wow. And she was like, what the fuck? I'm a photographer. I saw this. I'm taking pictures of chaos. She's a Jew, by the way. She's a Jew?

Yes, she was a Jew. Jesus. They don't fucking play. No, man. Fuck the Jews. Oh, a Jew? Yes. She was a Jew. Jesus. They don't fucking play. Fuck the Jews. Oh, okay. We'll be right back. Clearly there's no explaining it either. Like, nah, here's the thing. Like, nah. They just took it. It's over. Doom, doom, doom.

And then the guy handed it to her. Did you see that guy do that online? The dad? What did he do? His daughter, this has nothing to do with racism or anything, but his daughter was complaining about her parents on Facebook. Oh, God.

And like, fucking these chores. They think I'm like their slave, like telling me I have to do all these chores. So the guy is like, and she had her Facebook page locked, so like her family couldn't see it. Well, her dad's like a software guy, and he was like,

you forgot what I do for a living, right? He made he made a video he's like so i saw what you said so you think we mistreat you you're a slave in this house okay well here's your laptop i just spent a few hundred dollars upgrading it and he puts it on the ground he just he empties like a 45 into it oh my god he's like i'm gonna put this on your Facebook page so all your friends can see this shit. Extreme. Yeah. But he was like, Daddy, don't play. Holy shit. He shot it in front of her?

No. He just shot it in a video so that she would see it on her Facebook page. Oh. Like her laptop when she got home from school. I got confused. I thought he was doing it in front of her. No, no, no, no, no. He did it as a message to her so she would go online later.

And see that on her own Facebook page. And see that on her own Facebook page, yeah. Is this it? Yeah. as a message to her. So she would go online later. And see that on her own Facebook page. And see that on her own Facebook page, yeah. Is this it? Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what, man? First of all, I don't think this guy understands he's putting his daughter out there like that. It's shaming her.

It's humiliating her. It's a douchey thing to do. Yeah, it's humiliating. You're raising a human being. You don't do that in front of the whole fucking world by shaming them. Humiliation has a really profound effect. It does, man. And it's intense and it's unnecessary.'t do that in front of the whole fucking world by shaming him humiliation has a really profound effect it does man and it's intense and it's unnecessary the guy's a father yeah you know that said it's pretty funny it's i mean i don't recommend you but if you do it i'll

watch the video uh it's probably he's a shithead though he's a shithead um but i imagine that she stopped posting she might not even know he's a shithead you know because part of raising a kid I don't want to sound like Dr. Oz but part of raising a kid is

wow these guys are shooting the laptop one two three four five six oh yeah and after that comment you made about your mom your mom told me

to be sure I put one there for her so that one's from her oh my god that's a fucked up shit that's rednecks with guns now i'm out all right wow that's disturbing that guy's a knucklehead that's that guy's a serious knucklehead he might not even know he's a knucklehead people think that when you're raising a child that you're supposed to, you know, that somehow or another their development isn't your responsibility. They just want you to grow up on your own. They don't want to sort of guide you along the way and explain in a nice, healthy way why what you're doing is incorrect.

And here's where we're really coming from. You know, and people just work. They work and they leave their kids alone. And then when they get home, they're tired, they stick them in front of the TV and then they wonder why this girl is ranting and raving and saying stupid shit. A lot of the reason why kids say stupid shit

is just because they're getting older, they're getting a mind of their own, they think they got it all figured out yet or now. But a lot of it is also because they're being raised by morons that shoot computers. And what effect is the computer shooting really going to have long term? That guy's a moron. That's a moron move.

She's going to have a gun. She's going to think that you could just shoot laptops. Well, she might shoot him, man. That guy's a dick. That's a dick move. To not just do that, to do that's a dick move. To put it on her fucking Facebook, that's a super dick move. Yeah, or she might learn that like the way to handle like somebody upsetting you is to shoot their shit exactly my daddy told me not to take no

guff my daddy told me how to get back in a motherfucker a 45 yeah I'll shoot your fucking football yeah light shit up and you're like wow you're kind of the wrong chick for me those wild redneck bitches yeehaw those west virginia girls gonna get some dick you see that the wild you gave me that's right you gave me that my favorite part of that whole movie is uh like one of the i don movie is one of the fucking absolute disasters of that family. It's like this right here. She's like, I got these Xanax. Got them for like six bucks a piece.

Roll down the street. Sell them for eight bucks a piece. Little boot scooting boogie right there. Make some money. You're selling it for $2 more. Well, that's all you can get. Right, but she's like, we're making cash today. That's how we do.

That's how we do. We got $16 now, bitch. Yeah, there's not much room there. That shit's incredible. Plus, if you go to jail, all your profits are going to get eaten up by your attorney. Your court fees, you're going to be out of work. But they're never out of work because they're never working, which is hilarious. That's the best part, yeah.

When they talk to the politician, the wild and wonderful whites of West Virginia, I believe Johnny Knoxville directed it or produced it or something along those lines. His company, I think, produced that movie, yeah. And he just was embedded. He was embedded in their lifestyle, and he got a chance to see them for real, legit, 100%, where they are. And they're awesome. And people are people like that's so depressing no you can decide it's depressing or you can decide it's like the human zoo that's awesome yeah there's a point you're watching that movie and you go there's no way they can continue like there's no way there's another character after this in this family and that's about

10 minutes in and they just keep going and then like an hour in you're like you've gotta be shitting me right now

and the next guy and I shot him in the chest and you're like what the fuck how about that one dude who had escaped the state he moved up to Minnesota

he has family they're just sitting there they're all sitting around drinking going man they're just too fucking crazy yeah sitting around drinking going, man, they're just too fucking crazy. Yeah, he had to get out of there. Too fucking crazy. He does not belong. That's good that he left. He's the black sheep. He's the guy with the job

and a family. He looked like all responsible and shit. And he's the asshole in that family. They're like, he's a fucking asshole. Because he got his shit together and left. Yeah, he's a fucking look at him. He won't sell out. He ain't going to sell out. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Work for your money. But he had a story, too. He had done at least one or two crazy things, I think, right? He did at least one big crazy shit. If you don't believe that this movie is ridiculous, you think we're exaggerating, you just got to hear this woman, Bobby Sue, talk. See if you can find

Bobby Sue from Wild and Wonderful Wests. It's Bobby Sue, right? Wasn't it? Sue Bob. Sue Bob. Sue Bob. My name's Sue Bob. They call me, I'm the sexy one in the family. You're like, and she's being serious.

She's kind of sexy in kind of a crazy way. Yeah, yeah. A little bit. Probably the one you'd want. A little mug of moonshine. If those were your options, I think you wouldn't be too. If you were living up there and that was your life and you're selling pills for two bucks over for a living

and Subab wants to throw down, you're like, hold on. Let me put the possum away. Yeah, they are fucking epic disasters. Yeah, and no, I don't wish they were like this. Absolutely, I wish that they were really nice people who are normal. Oh, that's not the one. There it is. That's a woman. I pay the boo coos the money. I bring home at least $15,000 to $2,000 a night in my boo.

And I've always been the sexiest one in the family. I've always had comments from thousands of people. Thousands. Would you do that? Oh, there's Sue Bob. You got to do what you got to do. If you're trapped in West Virginia and you're on a horse and there's no way out, you got to do what you got to do.

I've always been the sexiest one in my family. Jesus. She looked like a female version of world pool champion Johnny Archer. Is he the sexiest one in pool? Yes. Yeah. And she's the sexiest one in the family. Don't hate.

It just is what it is, man. Yeah. I've always been the sexiest one. Her voice is like, it makes you wonder if life is real. It makes you wonder if when you see that or you see Grizzly Man or any of this, it makes you wonder, man. That clip also lets you know, it makes you wonder if life can affect your voice. You know what I mean? Cigarettes.

Yeah, but I mean, imagine the impact that's had. Her voice was not always like that. No, it couldn't have been, right? No way. No way, man. That is a long, that's a lot of sleepless nights. That's a lot of being up until 5 a.m. That's two minimum, like, two-pack pills.

That's hard living. What are you talking about? Don't be scared. Don't be scared, pussy. But don't act like you don't think I'm sexy still. Someone sounds like a pussy. And then there's the mom who runs everything. That mom is badass.

Boot scootin', boogie. That's her. She's the one dealing. What was her name? Fuck, I don't remember, man. I don't remember. That was a goddamn good movie. And yeah, I agree agree it's depressing but

it is it's out there it is what it is I always talk about Stevie you saw Stevie Stevie the documentary no what's that it's super it's hilarious but it's also like there's people are like this is a bummer I'm like it's still hysterical what's it about it follows this guy Stevie who the filmmaker actually was like a big brother to him in like the Big Brother program or something. And goes back and revisits him like 20 years later. Wow. And he is, like he belongs in the White's West Virginia family. You know, he's one of those guys.

And like he gets, it's, he's fucking retarded. I mean, there's no other... Like, do you have a Stevie clip? This is the only thing that came up as Stevie. Oh, really? That's not it, though, right? That's definitely not it. This is not acting.

You're talking about a real... No, no, no. It's the same guy that made Hoop Dreams. Did you ever see Hoop Dreams? It's a really good documentary. No, never saw that either. It's a really good documentary. Yeah, I heard it was really good.

Fantastic. There's so many films that I never get to, man. Yeah, oh, me too. I just don't have the time. Me too. I'm like married to a few of them, and then I don't really even... There's so many out there that are so good. Is this it?

Let's see. He's very solitary, not involved with other people a whole lot. He grew up abused and neglected. That's kind of the M.O ammo for somebody who molests kids There is you've got to look at it really cold Doesn't start looking at human individuals and well, yeah this he's really not that bad of a guy Well, what if you look at the victim, you know victim is wasn't that bad of a person either? I mean you've given him chances in the past,

and now he's gotten himself in a load of trouble, and you give him another chance? That guy's a smooth talker. Yeah. So do you think Steve's innocent? No, because he told me what he did do. That's his sister. I think he went after his sister's daughter, his niece. No, because he told me what he did do. But, I mean, he's already going to get enough with that other stuff being added on.

I think he went after his sister's daughter, his niece. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Well, they might call you as a witness if this goes to trial. You know, this isn't the funniest clip, actually. Yeah. Let's talk about the floodings in Japan now. So, here's the thing.

When I talk about the funny stuff in this movie before you think I'm insane, it's because of the little things. Before it all goes down, he's like, they call me Snake because I ain't afraid of them. They always call me Snake.

The guy with the glasses says that? Yeah, Stevie. And you're like, no one knows. Before everything went down? Before he gets arrested and stuff and they're just following him around. Is that him on the left? Wearing that tie-dye shirt?

Yes, yes. And that's the kind of shit I'm saying that you laugh at. He's over here. Go ahead and get it here. Well, your sister's discount. Wow. He's just a fucking idiot, you know. I know.

Oh, man. Who the fuck would leave that guy alone with your kid? Yeah, it's a great, great question. What a piece of shit. He's a spectacular piece of shit. Pieces of shit that molest kids, man. That's a real special piece of shit. It's like...

Yeah, oh, yeah. The recidivism rate is so high, and the amount of fucked-up-edness you have to have going on to do that is so high. That's a really bad one. That's one that's really hard to forgive. And that's that too is like you know even when they give in to like

acknowledging what they did wrong if you give them the space to justify it they will. Did you hear this Dawkins quote? Dawkins got in a lot of trouble for talking about mild pedophilia. No. It's really weird, man.

What'd he say? Hold on. I'll find it for you. He said that as long as it's not, it's just mild touching up, that your psychology would erase it. Here, let me, remark provokes outrage. Yeah, he's like, your mind would protect you from it

as long as it was just mild touching up. You know, it's really weird. The quote is really weird. He says that he experienced mild pedophilia in English school when he was a child in the 1950s. Referring to his early days at boarding school in Salisbury, he recalled how one of the unnamed masters pulled me on his knee and put his hand inside my shorts. He said other children in his school peer group had been molested by the same teacher,

but concluded, I didn't think he did any of us lasting harm. I'm very conscious that you can't condemn people of an earlier era by the standards of ours, just as we don't look back at the 18th and 19th centuries and condemn people for racism in the same way we would condemn a modern person for racism. I look back a few decades into my childhood, and I see things like canning, like mild pedophilia, and can't find it in me to condemn it by the same standards as I or anyone would today, he said. That's interesting. I think that's kind of, you know, it's very brave of him to say because it's very controversial, obviously. Yeah, I mean, I don't totally disagree with him as far as holding people to different

eras of different standards. Yes. I don't think that he should be the one necessarily to comment on how that might have affected some of his classmates, though. Right. You know, when he says, like, I don't think any of us were really too affected by that. I mean, you don't know that some of those guys might have been completely traumatized by that.

Well, and, you know, quite honestly, some people would say that he's been damaged by it. He just doesn't realize it. Absolutely. That maybe that would make sense for why he's gotten into some of the situations that he's gotten into. Some of the things that he said in the past that have been fairly controversial. Maybe it was about this. But people think it's super irresponsible. That's the main rub of anybody to go out there and say oh it's not that big a deal for a little mild

pedophilia projecting well yeah and not well not only that but it also could almost encourage mild pedophilia as being nothing of course and then you know you do you go back to like what i was saying where he the guy that is doing this, then justifies, he's like, I'm not really, it's so minor, I'm just, you know. Right. Now clearly he's saying that this is a different era and he's talking about a different era and that we can't judge the people of that era today. But he's still talking about it as if there's a mechanism mechanism to protect you right from this kind of I'm gonna sneeze Sorry, okay. I felt it code Man that was a you know happen clean my nose hairs out Yeah

I got a little nose hair trimmer and sometimes they get some strays up there and you just can't resist those sneezes when they're coming They're oh, yeah, you get did you get that from light? No, but when I look at light, it'll make me sneeze that's what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah yeah i knew it was coming and i had to stare at the percentage of the population does that really and it's called uh uh light induced sneezing yeah oh that's interesting so like i'm one of those two where like if and i've told people like that about it and like and they're like what the fuck are you talking about and you've never done that never heard of that

because if I would be outside I'd just be sneezing all like crazy no but look it up like look up like sunlight induced or light induced sneezing you'll see that like

you like that too oh yeah yeah if you walk out of like a movie theater you're like oh shit and like just go crazy.

Yeah. Every time. So what people are saying, I mean, people are really pissed at him. And this guy, his name is Peter Watt. He's director of the Child Protection of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.

He said Dawkins' remarks were a terrible slight on those who have been abused and suffer the effects for decades. Mr. Dawkins seems to think that because a crime was committed a long time ago, we should judge it in a different way. Watts said, we know that victims of sexual abuse suffer the same effects whether it was 50 years ago or today. Yeah, he's probably, you know, correct.

I mean, the thing that you have to examine is like Dawkins' statement. And you have to, I think you consider it case by case. So I don't mean pedophilia case by case. I mean like the whole idea about judging people based on an era. Right. Like, you know, to a degree, you kind of go, well, in a certain era, certain point of views were allowed. Right.

But I don't know that that really applies to pedophilia. Yeah, it doesn't. it seems like that's always been a really dark thing to do but what's really fucked up is when you go way back to like the classics like if you go back to you know like socrates was gay like there was a lot of guys back then that were not just gay but took on young boys as lovers. That was very common amongst the samurai. Samurai took on young boys as lovers. That applies to what he's saying, right? Your examples are people in,

now this happens to be much longer time ago, but it's... Well, it's very, it's, you know, it's very different when a person who's alive today in the context of our society right now speaks about pedophilia as if it's not that big a deal when it happened to him. Yeah.

And someone talking about, like, almost an imperceptible difference. Yeah. I mean, not imperceptible, but inconceivable difference between the way the culture of Japan in the 12th century was and the culture of the United States in, you know, 2013. I mean, they're not even the same planet. Right.

It's so hard to... You're dealing with A, Japanese, they have a completely different language, different culture, and this is a long, long, long, long, long fucking time ago when people couldn't even, it took a long time to get anywhere. You could get by boat or by horse, but for the most part, people fucking stood still. And they developed their own culture

sort of away from the rest of the world. And it's one of the more fascinating aspects about it. But when you look back, what is the common theme? The common theme in almost all these cultures is gay sex. Gay sex and pedophilia. They did it throughout Rome, throughout the Greeks. All the Spartans were gay, samurais. There was so much gay sex.

Our idea of what sex is in 2013, we think that, well, back then, if you got locked up in prison, you had to fuck a dude. No big deal. No. No, they were banging each other. They were banging everybody. Yeah. I want to know when people settled down and stopped just fucking guys all the time. Well, there was no judgment about that, too. None, none, none. So that was like, hey, man, dick's hard.

You got an asshole. Let's do it. It's almost like it was too hard to get laid back then. Yeah. You know, and, like, sometimes you just had to do what you had to do. I got to imagine that if you go back far enough, a lot of sexual behavior went unchecked. You were just acting on it you went into whatever sex act you wanted desired that like your your fucking monkey brain was dictating and you didn't really think about how you know like the way that your culture looked upon it people just did stuff

right and then yeah that was it and there was no i'm gonna talk to somebody about you made me uncomfortable like like you just did whatever you wanted to do There's no HR In that way like unchecked civilization like that clearly is a different form of civilization. It's a different world It's wild wild west type shit. Oh, yeah to it to the Fucking umpteenth power though when you talk about hundreds of years ago. Oh, yeah. Well when you get really Viking shit. Oh, yeah, or or the all of ancient europe yeah have you ever heard a lady bathory you ever heard of this fucking evil bitch elizabeth bathory she was a uh a royalty in uh 1560

in hungary hungary and this bitch killed, they don't even know how many women. She started getting, as she got older, she started killing younger women. She didn't want them around. Looking pretty. So she would cut them up and torture them and kill them. And she killed hundreds of them. Hundreds of them. Because you're a pretty bitch?

And they didn't even kill her. When it was over, they convicted her and put her in like a room for life. They just locked her in this room. Hungarian. Yeah, well, she was royalty. Yeah. So because of the fact that she was royalty, they just decided not to kill her. Yeah, the level of brutality when you go back for it.

Like, you ever read about Vlad the Impaler? Yes. the impaler. Yes. I mean, he would impale enemies and people in his camp who didn't, like who he heard spoke against him. Yeah. And to impale them and he would do it. And sometimes when you're impaled, you know, they could, it could go right through a vital artery or organ and you'll die. But there's a lot of times when you can get impaled, it can literally miss every vital artery and organ and you bleed out impaled just in the sun for a day.

Holy shit. With a fucking wooden rod up through your asshole, going through your body and coming out like your shoulder or mouth and you're just bleeding. I mean, it's a pretty gruesome way to go. Oh my god. Talk about a bad set. I think it was in Persia.

Steak in Persia. Hold on. Did you see this picture? There's a story about these people back in the Roman days where there was like miles of bodies on stakes to warn people as they approached. So as these people approached, I need to find the exact story, but as these people approached,

I guess they were approaching Persia, they had miles of bodies on stakes to let you know, like, you're coming here and trying to fuck with us. This is what we're going to do to you. Yeah, and you'd get that stench about five miles before you saw to let you know, like, you're coming here and trying to fuck with us. This is what we're going to do to you. Yeah. And you'd get that stench about five miles before you saw it, you know? You'd be like, what is that smell, man?

But just the idea that people would do that, that they would just run rows and rows and rows of bodies. Do you think that the only reason that doesn't go on today is because there's like that morally checking thing. Yeah. Because that would suggest that there's like way more either acceptance of that behavior or there's just like crazier sociopaths just running shit all the time, you know? Well, I think. Which there probably are today. I think it's way they they're way better at like hiding the more fucked up things that people do today and that would be like way out

in the open yeah you know like it's the situation that's going on right now in syria where everybody is saying that this is the most important thing that we have to step up and we have to go and we have to attack syria because syria has done this thing and these people have died and these innocents are being poisoned. There's no mention whatsoever in the mainstream news of the irony of the guy who is the head of the United States military, the commander in chief, talking about innocent people dying. Right. I mean, it's kind of crazy. Right. Oh, yeah. You know, it's like this idea that there's a certain amount of innocent people that must

die. Mm-hmm. And those are okay. Right. But when innocent people die and this guy did it, then it's really bad. Right. And especially the way he did it. Right.

You know, the way he did it with poison and we just, we can't take that. Yeah. That's, we're drawing the line. We're going to have to kill some more people because of that. Right, right. And innocent people will die because we have to protect innocent people. So we have to go in there. This guy killed innocent people.

We'll probably kill way more innocent people than a thousand. With our, yeah. If we went in there, if the army, the United States Army went in, unless Syria just said, fuck this, and they laid down their guns and went face down and put their hands behind their heads, immediately someone's going to die. People are going to die gonna die it's crazy it's like the idea behind it it's like one of the weirdest ideas ever well the the perspective you're talking about is is pretty much purposely kept out of our u.s kind of mainstream news they're not even allowed to photograph coffins

like that was something that was passed during the bush administration yeah you couldn't take photos of coff coffin because yeah sure That would have an impact. Yeah, but how but we can kill people how insane is that? Like it's okay to do that. But the reality of it should never get back home because it could weaken morale Yeah, like whoo You're you're you're stopping information like information is critical for people to understand the actual parameters of the situation they're involved in. And if you change that information or change how much of that information gets out, you greatly alter. If you can't see evidence of it, they're not seeing bodies.

They're not seeing the damage. You're not focusing on the bad stuff. You're not being accurate. Of course. You're giving a really fucked up version of what you're talking about. Yeah, governments are good at that. But that should be illegal. Yeah.

That should be highly illegal. Like, to do that, to say to someone you can't take a photograph of something that's actually happening, because that idea behind it, the weakening of morale, that's crazy. Yeah.

Morale only weakens when it's supposed to be weakened. Okay, if we were off there fighting werewolves and and bodies were coming back like that we would salute them and praise them in their their their quest to save the human race from the werewolves but they died nobly we would celebrate them we would fucking have parades for them and nobly celebrate them but that's not what we're doing we're hiding them we're hiding the photos we don't show them to anybody yeah because the whole thing is chaos and if you really boil it down is it was it worth it that your child died to promote this agenda no it's not it's not it's not that's not the only way it could have been done that's crazy to say it's the only way it could have been done is absolute bananas yeah

to say i hope the diplomatic strategy works out i mean i hope so too but i mean i can't believe that we're still committed to fucking years and years of war in 2013. I know. It just doesn't make any sense anymore.

I know, I know. It's interesting too if you, like, because you really, it really is up to you to figure out stories.

You have to like, it's interesting to go to different sites to see how they present the story, the same story. Oh yeah. Like if you go,

you read CNN and then you read like, if you go to Drudge to see how they present the story, the same story. Oh, yeah. You go, you read CNN, and then you read, like, you go to Drudge to see how they report it, and you go to, like, BBC, Guardian, Al Jazeera, you'll get the same story reported in six different ways. Yeah. And you've got to kind of decipher that. You have to pick up on the fact and know that everybody has a bias even when they don't have a bias.

There's built-in bias to every angle, every story. Oh, yeah. You have to be able to break that down to whatever degree because you have your own bias that wants to lean a certain way. Right. And you go, this is the story I'm going to run with, the one that this person reported. And that's a big one whenever you've got anyone that's pushing a left-wing or a white-wing agenda. Oh, yeah. Whenever you start hearing about what the Democrats want to do is give everybody this,

take all your hard-earned money, and you're like, oh, you're not even being honest here. You're just putting on this puppet show. Yeah. And you're probably invested in winning this puppet show. Of course. Or in making this puppet show very convincing. You've got lobbyists that are counting on you to get me to believe your perspective on this right now for sure they're filling up your pockets man yeah what a ridiculous way to run a government the idea that that's how we run it i know and all

this money and influence they're all always always only thinking about their next election oh don't worry we're thinking of you yeah i'm not thinking of all this money. All these people that have this money that got me into this position. I don't think about them. I think about people I don't know who hate me. That's what I'm concerned with. Yeah, his favorability rating is like Bush-like now.

Is it that low now? Yeah, it's pretty low. Let's find out. Approval rating? Obama's approval rating. Yeah. What was the worst? The worst? Yeah. I bet the worst was probably, I'm going to guess it was something like 80 years ago,

and then Bush would be like second. That's my prediction. First of all, how crazy is it that there's something called the approval rating for the president? Okay, here it is. What's crazy is that there's something called the approval rating for the president. Okay, here it is. 47% of likely U.S. voters approve of Obama's job performance. Okay. 52% disapprove.

Okay. That's not horrific. It's definitely lower than it's been, right? Well, listen to this, though. 82% of the Democrats like the job the president is doing. 85% of the Republicans and 57% of the voters not affiliated disapprove. Okay. Come on, man.

Can you look up? Democrats, how silly could you be to say, I think he's doing a great job? Yeah, yeah. Number one is up? Democrats, how silly could you be to say, I think he's doing a great job? Yeah, yeah. Number one is Obama. Number two is Bush. That's the lowest approval rating ever? That's the lowest approval ratings ever. His lowest approval was 25.

Bush? Yeah. And what's the next lowest? Do you remember when Bush's approval ratings were fucking high? Like right after September 11th? Really high. You weren't even allowed to make fun of Bush. It was really high.

Truman. See, I told you. And then Nixon. What was Truman's down to? 22. Okay, this is what his approval rate is on foreign policy. 40%. Wow.

Wow. That's really low man oh i think obama it's just like every other thing that happens in this world you probably go into it thinking that you're going to change it and you're going to fix it and did you think you're going to be a great president did you have high hopes for him yeah yeah i mean i think he's going to be a great president. Did you have high hopes for him? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think he's a brilliant man. I just don't know how much the president honestly gets to. I don't want to even speculate on how much of an effect the president actually gets to push. Right. How much influence does this one human being actually have?

Do you think a lot of it behind closed doors is like, so here's what's going to happen. There's so much money involved, man. You're talking about people that run banks. You're talking about people that demanded that they get bailed out by the United States taxpayer after fucking the United States taxpayer sideways

into a point where the economy eroded radically in all businesses. These people caused this, and they still got bonuses. These people caused this, and Obama went on TV and said that they're going to get, we're going to limit the amount of money that they receive as a bonus to $500,000, a paltry sum for such rich folk. Can you imagine even saying that as a statement? We're going to limit the bonuses of the companies where we have to pay millions of your dollars. We're going to limit the amount they steal to $500,000.

We've put a cap on it. Now go to bed. And then... I like your Obama. That might be one of the nuttiest things that a guy has ever said on television. We're going to limit the thieves who've ruined the economy to a half a million dollar bonus. Like, oh. Yeah, you got them good now.

The people that we asked to watch over, hey, you guys are the financial guys, right? Please watch over this fucking thing with numbers because I have kids and I got a job and I don't have time to do this. So do we have a guy? We've got a guy. He went to Harvard. And then if you ever watch that documentary Inside Job,

have you ever watched that? Sure, yeah. Holy shit. And it's not about 9-11, folks. It's about the economy crash. It's unbelievable. It's incredible. And the guy who is doing it is brilliant.

And he catches these dudes and corners them and asks them questions. And you see them squirm and panic. And then you find out that a lot of these guys that were working in universities that were responsible for these studies, the banks whose policies that they recommended promoted this sort of like free-range wild kamikaze swashbuckling capitalism yeah that caused all these fucking people to lose their homes it causes like these guys get jobs working for those firms after they leave yeah so they're like educators and they're like this should be no problem I see this should be no problem and then they pass all this shit yeah it's the most obvious shell game of all time it's it's so in your face yeah it really is it's it's really look it's

kind of admirable and I want to look at it from a gangster point of view yeah I mean it's the most gangster shit ever we glorify gangster rap gangster rap can't fuck with gangster banking no gangster Wall Street is the most gangster shit of all time they've done most gangster shit of all time They've done some gangster shit And what it means Is that worse than the gangster shit That's been going on right now

And from the beginning of the Iraq war That's pretty gangster too You know, I mean One destroys lives and financial stakes The other one kills lives It kills people, it destroys everything Like, how come that That ganking, that gangster ganking that we saw, how come that's less offensive than this financial gangster ganking?

They're both pretty gangster. Fucks people up bad. Yes. Look, it's madness, man. We are mad. We're a mad, mad, mad race. Yeah. And I think we're getting less mad but we gotta figure this

out man we can't just keep doing this we can't just keep going to war i've heard a lot of uh financial people lately say that like the the worst is yet to come in in a coming soon kind of way you know as far as like 08 collapse but that's just going to go way further downhill. What I heard is that the commercial real estate crash is a really dangerous one. Really? I've heard that one's a real dangerous one. That commercial, like once you have residential real estate crash like that one, there's a commercial one that's much larger. Apparently.

Allegedly. I don't understand it though. So even me saying that is just bullshit. I don't understand it, though. So even me saying that is just bullshit. I don't know what keeps it up. I don't know how the fuck they rescued the economy, or did they even rescue the economy? Should the banks been allowed to fail? Who's right?

Peter Schiff? Is Peter Schiff right? I don't know. I don't understand it. I don't understand any of it. I don't know, man. I'm definitely not the mind to put that together, but it's pretty bad, I think.

You know what I know for sure, though? This is not the only way to do it. Right. This is not the only way to do it. This whole stocks and bonds and derivatives and, like, you guys have created fucking chaos. You have a chaotic system, and that system is fucking awful. It's like Windows NT from, like, 1997. Windows me.

And you go inside of it and start fucking with the registry and embed yourself. And, like, you don't know what the fuck is in this crazy economy. The amount of influence that affects the politicians, which affects the laws being passed, which affects the judges being elected, which affects the decisions being made that literally change the entire scope of the nation. Yeah. And it's all motivated by money. Yeah. Yeah, it is. And the other thing that the big advantage that those guys have that work in that field

is they have a specific knowledge that basically the overwhelming majority of people can't grasp. Like, not because we're not capable. We're just not well versed in this. And people start talking about derivatives and short sales and all this. Most people go, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when I said it.

That goes, but then that makes things go unregulated, unchecked. It's like when doctors have a conversation or pilots and they start getting into the specifics of their field, at a certain point, if you're not one of those people, you're like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Absolutely. of their field, at a certain point, if you're not one of those people, you're like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, absolutely. And it's not for you. And you're like, okay. Except this one really affects most of us a great deal, but we don't know what the fuck

is happening. Yeah. To me, it might as well be when people start talking about golf scores. Sure. He was six under in the five and like, what? He had two birdies and an eagle, man. What are you saying? Yeah, of course.

And he took a mulligan. What? You got a big golf guy no i've never even played guy shot jim furick shot a 59 last week i have no idea what that means see you just said it right there pretty incredible yeah that the numbers thing is a scary one to not be uh to be math illiterate like i am i'm with you quite frightening i'm with you what do you think of 114 11114? Is that a good score? For what?

For boxing, if you watch the Mayweather fight. Oh, Jesus Christ. That woman who also scored Pacquiao losing to... Yeah, Tim Bradley. That lady's crazy. She has a different view of boxing than most people. I got lucky, man. I had a show in Lauderdale and i was doing it at the at the improv which is connected to the hard rock casino so i knew the fight i was like i'm gonna

miss the fight whatever i had two shows i mean i take my time i finish the show i get paid i'm just like hanging out i walk back to my room and as i enter the casino this is in hollywood florida there are a fucking extra 3 000 people in the casino i'm like what is going on wow and every monitor in the casino showing the fight so i was like oh great it was only the end of the third round so i got to watch from basically round four on the whole casino showed the fight. That's incredible. And everybody stopped. There were so many people stopped in between slot machines just looking up just to watch this fight. It was incredible to see that spectacle, the people watching it. And, yeah, I mean, I watched, like I said, the rest of the—after the end of round three on. And, you know, I think even to, like, novice boxing boxing people like floyd pretty much put on a clinic you

know yeah it was ridiculous i mean this woman scored it even even is crazy i think even i think somebody who didn't know what's going on like we're talking about yeah would know that it wasn't even well i think that there's some crazy people out there and i think uh there's also the possibility of corruption and both of those need to be considered as options either she's crazy and she just likes to judge shit professionally that she has no idea about no i mean i never talked to i haven't talked to a single person that thought it even made a bit of sense it's not like one of those well you know, she favors defense and the shell defense is very impressive and he did land a couple hard

counters. No, no, no. There was no one saying that. If you thought that he won that fight or you thought it was a draw, you're a crazy person. The fact that your track record now includes the Pacquiao Bradley and this, those are both on your

resume? That lady does not pay attention. Either she does not pay attention or she's crazy. Or she's getting paid. I don't want to say that. You did. I'm glad Brian Redband said that and not me. Because I sometimes, Brian, I work in the presence of the Nevada State Athletic Commission. And I would never accuse them of such a thing.

However, if I was an investigator, I would look into it sharply. There's just something wrong. There's just something wrong. And if it's not corruption, which I hope it's not, it's just incompetence. And either way, it shouldn't be tolerated. No one deserves their job, especially when it's that kind of a job. You don't deserve that job. You have that job because you're supposed to be a professional at it. You're supposed to be really good at it. And when you're unbelievably unbearably bad. Is that a word? Unbearably? Unbearably.

But I went unbearably. That's not a word. She's so bad, it's criminal. It's criminal. It's like me teaching Spanish lessons. I don't know how to speak Spanish. So if I taught you to speak Spanish, that shit would be criminal. That bitch is criminal. It's not okay. Snoop Lion Weed Jackpot wins pound of weed off the Mayweather fight.

Oh, he bet a pound of weed? Oh, that's hilarious. Look at him with a pound of weed and a Captain America shirt on. Yeah, he's a badass. Look at this guy. Who did he bet it with? He's got to say. You know, how much is a pound of weed these days?

I don't know. Oh, a Mexican guy named Lou. That's hilarious. I've never had a pound of weed in my life. No. It's about $4,000. That's insane. I've never even had more than an ounce.

Like, I don't want to carry a lot of weed around. No. I don't understand that. I've seen a quarter pound QP. If I saw a bag that big, I would assume the next thing I'm going to hear is boots kicking the door and get out of here fucking. And I'm going to be like, okay, I'm a comedian.

I'm not a drug dealer. What's scary in Ohio, allegedly my dealer growing up in college, that's how much he would have. And so in Ohio, that's scary because he would have

three pit bulls, two chows, and you'd come into this house with all these crazy dogs, and you'd just pull out the humongous bag and put it right there. And he trusted me, so he showed me all the shit he had and all the secrets, like pounds of weed that he has hidden everywhere. It was crazy. I grew up around that shit.

It's so scary. A guy out here who dealed out here had a big SUV, an Escalade, and he had compartments built in there. The way it was rigged was that the radio station had to be tuned to a certain channel, and then he would be able to unlock the compartments. So it had to be on 91.7, and then he would go click click that's so crazy that's so crazy that's to transport like you know that a guy went to jail for a long time because he was constructing those oh really yeah he went to jail for like a real stretch and they accused him of aiding and

abetting somehow or another they set this guy up. To build, like, hidden compartments? Yeah. Wow. Hidden compartments jail. Check this out. Did you ever... Oh, here we go.

It's one of my mods. This has to do with a CD drive and a secret compartment, one of many of my inventions. And I know they've used CD drives before but not in vehicles and as far as to my knowledge and not like this and what I've done is a this is a key I know you're thinking it's a battery stick your tongue to it it would zap you don't do that stupid anyways and these are two taps it is really a nine volt battery and the power supply goes through this to open up my vent which uh reveals my secret compartment and i'm basically took the cd drive apart used the

the bare basics to it no this is dope keep playing how did he do that so he pushes this battery he put it's just regular 9-volt battery he's holding up. He puts it right there. Oh, that is so dope. Come on. That guy is James Bond. It's awesome. You know, your wallet, your keys, a little extra cash. He said, oh, you know your wallet.

I thought he said pinot. You keep pinot noir. You keep a glass of pinot. I keep a glass of pinot. Always ready, glasses chilled. You know, when bitches step into my 79 Impala. Another glass of wine. Take it again for the Syrah.

And then it closes. That's so wild. Oh, so you flip it to go in and flip it to go out. That's insane. You changed the battery. That is insane. I know what you're thinking. Damn!

Damn! Inspired by Superboy. I was thinking, damn. Yeah, that was awesome, man. That was awesome. Did you ever see The French Connection? You've seen it, right? Yes.

Love it. That was so long ago. That was Gene Hackman, right? Yeah, it's a fucking awesome movie, man. I don't know. I don't remember a thing about it. I remember it was awesome, but I it again it's not heroin smoke smuggling yes and it's so good it's like a classic you know cop fucking coppin bad guy movie

from that era so I think it's a late 70s movie it's so good you seen it Brian you got to see it okay is it about like something like this like drug smell yeah absolutely it's a heroin, yeah. This is the guy I was talking about. His name is Alfred Anaya. And it says he was a genius at installing secret compartments in cars. And so they were used to smuggle drugs without his knowledge. And now he's in trouble?

If they were used to smuggle drugs without his knowledge, he figured it wasn't a problem. He was wrong. And it said they locked him up man wow he lived in the valley and um he would set up these compartments like in the truck's back seat the the truck's back seat where he would he rigged up a set of hydraulic cylinders that linked to the vehicle's electrical system the only way to make the seat slide forward and reveal its secret was by pressing and holding four switches simultaneously. Two for the power door locks and two for the windows. So he would press all four of those at the same time and it would open up the back seat. That's so awesome.

Yeah. And he said the seal was no longer responsible to the switch combination and no amount of jiggling could make it budge. He pleaded with the guy to take a look. You know this is how bieber rolls he's got like the high tech the most high tech one ever probably if bieber yeah yeah because they pull that motherfucker over all the time and like there's never has anything in his car but yet like tmz always has pictures of him like holding bongs out windows and dumping out water into the street so they set this guy up. Listen to this. The guy's name was Anaya, right?

And so there was this dude named Esteban, and he was saying that the switch to the combination doesn't work anymore, and no amount of jiggling could get it to work again. And so this guy shows up to fix it, and he's a little suspicious, because he says there's nothing illegal about building traps, which are commonly used to hide everything

from pricey jewelry to legal handguns. But the activity runs afoul of California law if an installer knows for certain that his compartment will be used to transport drugs. So if the guy told him that it's going to transport drugs, then he has a responsibility to either call the police or not build it or what have you. The maximum penalty is three years in prison.

And so this guy, Anaya, the guy who got arrested, he thought it was wise to deviate from his standard no questions asked policy before agreeing. So he suspected this guy. And he said, there's nothing in there I should know about. Is there? Esteban assured him that he needn't worry. I'll say this is fucked up, man. So he's saying don't worry about it. Yeah.

So the guy didn't give in to saying, hey, I'm going to use it for this. And the guy goes, all right, I'll build it for you anyway. Yeah. Well, this is weird, man. Why would you lock that guy up? They fucking set this guy up. Because this guy was making compartments for people, but not asking any questions. That's what it was. But I don't think that's out. They fucking set this guy up because this guy was making compartments for people but not asking any

questions. That's what it was. But I don't think that's illegal. I think you're allowed to hide shit because what if you have money? You want to leave something expensive. What if you own a jewelry store? Yeah. Well, yeah. If you have expensive stuff on you

all the time, you should be able to hide that. You own a business. It's a cash business. You want to transport your cash. Yeah, you can't assume that if someone can hide something in their home that they shouldn't be able to hide something in their car. Of course. That's your property, too.

There's that weirdness of searching people's cars, man, because you don't come to a person's house and search their house. Why are you searching their car? Yeah. Because you know that people transport drugs and things with their car, but at the end of the day, it's fucking private property. And whether there's $1,000 in

cash in the backseat that you're going to steal from us because you think that we're buying drugs with it, that's happened before. There was a stripper who had like a million dollars in her trunk. This crazy bitch made a million dollars and was going to buy a business. and she had this money she Got arrested and the cops had to give the money back to her because they suspected her of being a drug dealer

And then she had a document all of her pay our ho and show all document But the the you know the cops took that money as if you can't have money if you have money It has to come from drugs. A lot of money. Yeah, but why can't you? Don't people have houses? How do they buy a house? Who's to say you can't just go to a guy with a fucking trunk full of cash and buy a house?

You can, you know, just because everybody else uses a fucking credit card. If you decide you hate credit cards, you want to store it all in a safe in your house. And I only know the combination. Does the cop have to look in there and see if there's anything wrong? And if he sees that there's money in there, hey, what are you doing with all this good stuff? What are you doing with all this stuff that everybody earns? Yeah, why do you have to declare? I was thinking about the border thing. I mean, I assume that you have to declare money so that they can investigate.

Yes. What's the source of that money? what do you have that money for. There's this whole thing you have to declare if you have over $10,000, let's say going into Canada or coming back in the United States, right? Right. What if you have a lot of money? Right. Why do I have to explain to you?

I don't have this problem, but I've thought about it before. We're like, you know, obviously they're asking so that if somebody does like, they don't say they have it then they do then they find that they have $15,000 in cash they're going to be like why do you have this much cash?

Well what does that do? I wonder if you have to like when you report it how does that work? If you have to report let's say you're some crazy baller type character and you know

you're like who would you be? Like if you were going to be a baller type character you have to be a black guy right? Who would you be? Which rapper would you be that walks around with a suitcase of cash? Let's say you're Floyd Mayweather because he would walk around with suitcases full of cash.

Absolutely. Why can't Floyd Mayweather? They probably wouldn't let him in Canada because he's got some domestic violence charges. That's right. He did his 30 days or whatever. They might not even let you in because Canada is pretty strict about letting you in for shit like that. They don't fuck around. But if he did get through, he probably would get through like a hundred grand in a backpack.

Yeah. Like some Gucci sack or something like that. Did you see the all access for him in Canelo? No, I didn't. I didn't. Dude. I've watched him before, but I didn't see it this time. He sends one of his girls to go pick up some of his gambling money that he won.

She goes in this ostrich skin, I don't know who the fuck makes it, some super expensive bag, and the guy puts $480,000 in the bag. Wow. And then she walks it out of there, gets in her car, and drives it to Money Mayweather.

Hey, Floyd. Yeah. Drives it to his house. Here's what you want on duke do you know how crazy that is duke maryland that's insane he's he's gambling that kind of money oh yeah i mean he he always talks he takes photos of his betting slips crazy i know he's crazy it's four hundred and eighty thousand dollars he won and they're not even like it's sometimes his bets are like these like kind of side bet like prop bets prop bets, where it's like, I'm betting on who's the first to 12 points in this basketball game.

You know what I mean? Not even like the outcome of the game. Like he's betting shit like that, where it's a total just gambling rush kind of bet, where you're like, I'll put 25 grand that it's the 76ers. Well, you want to know what's interesting? They have found a direct correlation between head trauma and addiction to gambling. Really? Yeah. I brought it up to Dana White because Dana White was in here and Dana used to be a boxer

and Dana was talking about his gambling. Like Dana gambles like insanity. Oh, he does? He won 7 million one night. What? He lost a million. That's the most he's ever lost is 1 million. The most he does? He won $7 million one night. What? He lost a million. That's the most he's ever lost, is $1 million. The most he's ever won is $7 million.

And is gambling always on sporting events? That's what he likes to gamble on? I don't know. I think he's playing cards. He won $7 million? Yes. Yes. Yeah.

I can't even remember. I mean, he goes off. Is it poker? I don't know. I think he plays blackjack. I don't know what the fuck he plays. I went into that room. He goes off. Is it poker? I don't know. I think he plays blackjack. I don't know what the fuck he plays. I went into that room. I think he plays blackjack.

I went into that high stakes room. Once I saw a guy, and people stopped to watch him do blackjack. He was doing $10,000 a hand, and we were all like, dude. Oh, shit, that's $10,000. And they were like, no, bust, take $10,000. He would put $10,000 in chips back there. I mean, it was super entertaining to grand. And they were like, no, like bust, take 10,000. He would put 10,000 in chips back there. And it was, I mean, it was super entertaining to watch. But I was like, I can't imagine doing that, man.

I can't imagine it. I'm freaking out just talking about it. 10,000 a hand. And it goes like that. I mean, it has gone in seconds. So Dana must do it that style where it's like 25 grand a hand, that kind of shit. Yeah, that's really unique with gambling. You know, the gambling

for money, like in Vegas type gambling, is that you can shift within seconds. At least if you're gambling on a game, it's a whole game. You have one hour for this game to take place. I kind of like gambling on games because I don't even like sports.

But if I had some money invested, it would make it more exciting. It absolutely does. It has that effect to the umpteenth degree. Like if I go to Vegas, say if you and I went and there was some kickboxing going on because they're doing this new thing for Spike TV. Glory. Glory

is this super high level kickboxing league. It's like the best kickboxers on the planet Earth. And the fights are incredible. Like Gokhan Saki and Daniel Gita and Tyrone Spong. These guys are fucking assassins.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. I would like to go see that shit live. And if we went to see that shit live and we were ringside,

you know we're going to bet some money, Tommy Bunz. Now, would you bet based not knowing anything about the guys? Is that how you would? No, I would never do that. You would bet? I would if I wanted for a goof. Now, would you bet based not knowing anything about the guys? Is that how you would? No, I would never do that. You would bet?

I would if I wanted for a goof. Yeah, I mean, maybe. No, but let's say not for, like, if we're talking about this particular, would you know about the guys? Like, do you know those guys?

Who they are? Yeah, the highest level guys I know, but there's so many more kickboxers than there are MMA guys. There's a lot of MMA guys that I don't know. Really?

There's a certain number where you can only, like, keep so many in your brain. You know that there's, like, they say, like, close friends or people that you're in contact with on a regular basis, you have 150 names. That you can kind of keep going. Yeah, it's the 150 people that you have relations with.

Everything after that is just like, you know, I don't know. But you have a lot of, I mean, like, you in particular store a lot of data about guys fighting, who they fought. And you remember the fight, where they fought, how he won that particular fight. That's a lot of extra knowledge. Yeah. Right? Sitting in there. But that's because there's nothing else in there.

Right. There's no other sports in there. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. There's no room. There's no room for hockey. Yeah., I see what you mean. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. There's no room. There's no room for hockey.

Yeah. There's no room for basketball. Yeah. So all, like, when I start talking about, like, fights, like, oh, you know, he lost to Igovov-Chanshin. He got KO'd in the first round. Came back, fought a few times, but we never really saw him again. Yeah.

That, that, I, you know, there's no, there's no basketball in there confusing me. I see what you mean. Because I'm kind of that, to a degree, that way with college football. Like, I have a lot of data in there. And I remember names and I remember games and I remember the year. Well, that's way more numbers.

And the crazy thing is like, well, sometimes I'm amazed that I remember who recruited the guy. Whoa. And what high school he went to. That's pretty crazy.

Well, that's Hunter S. Thompson's famous story about talking to Nixon. Mm-hmm. Have you ever heard that? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Oh, dude. Thompson's famous story about talking to Nixon. Have you ever heard that? No, I don't think so. I don't think so.

Oh, dude. He spent time in a car with Nixon. Really? Hunter S. Thompson did? Yeah. Before he was president? No, Nixon was president. Oh, wow.

Okay. And he rode with him in a car, and Nixon and him just talked football. He knew that Hunter was a football fan. He goes, I'll let you ride with me if we only talk football. Because football fans love to talk football with other football fans. And Hunter was a huge football fan, so he got in the back seat with Nixon, and they talked about football. He said he was amazed that he knew about one guy who played one year with one team, and he knew where he went to college.

And he was like, I was blown away. He was like, he's a real legit, he goes, it might be the only thing that he didn't lie about. Didn't Hunter kill himself after football season? Yes. It was, right? He was like, he waited for like Super Bowl and all that, and he kills it like in February or something.

He had been apparently talking about killing himself for a long time. Yeah. He was in some pretty serious pain. Yeah. He had hip replacements, and on top of it, the boozing and the coke, he had just redlined his brain. Yeah.

If you ever listen to Hunter, like, later in life, pull up Hunter S. Thompson on Conan O'Brien's show. It's really sad. And this is coming from someone who's a huge Hunter S. Thompson fan. In fact, my favorite all-time documentary, if I have to tell people one is a goof i always go with grizzly man because grizzly man was hilarious to me do you mean do you mean letterman what i said conan yeah no conan i don't see a conan there's one trust me

because uh he's it's much he's much older when he's doing the one on conan grizzly man you'd find hysterical. It's hilarious. I love it. I watched it again last week. I've watched it a hundred times. But Gonzo, the life and work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson is fucking brilliant. Really?

It's an amazing, amazing, amazing documentary. I should watch that. You can't find it, dude? There we go. Hunter S. Thompson. It's just a bad copy. Listen to him talk. You barely understand him.

You can't even hear that. Go to the one where they're at the desk. If you go further back, he's sitting at the desk with Conan, and they're talking, and it's like, Jesus Christ. You can't put together what he's saying? You don't understand a word he's saying. He's mumble, slur, mumble, mumble, mumble. But then if you go back to his early stuff, you go back to the documentary, it's absolutely brilliant.

It's when he's running for sheriff of Aspen, and he's talking about the laws that are in place today and why it's engendered this disrespect for law enforcement operators, law enforcement officers, because they know that these laws, especially marijuana laws, are bullshit. Cops know they're bullshit. The kids know they're bullshit. And he was like, you know, we've got to put a stop to this or there's going to be a revolution in this country.

And they're like, it's pretty fucking intense, man. He loses a cup. Yeah. He does a shot whoa i said that was pretty good that's beautiful horrible that was good. Very good. I'm going to come live with you for a month.

We need the umbrellas, some whiskey, and we need a machine gun. Joe, remember when we fired those? Yeah. In Arizona. That was awesome. We went to the Arizona Gun Club. Is that what it's called? Phoenix Gun Club?

Phoenix? Yeah. It was amazing. Those things are insane. Yeah, we fired some crazy-ass machine guns. They're fun, man. Yeah. I need to get a place where I can shoot guns. That's what I need next. It's so much fun to shoot a high-powered gun. But the problem is, whenever you get a big piece of land

that you can shoot guns on, they assume you're starting a cult. Yeah. What do they do? They go up land that you can shoot guns on, they assume you're starting a cult. Yeah. You know? What do they do? They go up there and they just shoot guns. Yeah, but in California they do. Then sometimes there's stuff that you need to shoot with a gun, which is another problem, you know? I don't want to go to Ohio to think I'm gay.

Why? Because they're number one. Look what it produced. They're number one now. If all of a sudden I start moving there, you know? It's kind of weird that you guys are both from Columbus. Well, there's more barns and basements to fuck in in Ohio. Hey, easy.

Too sweet, guys. Is it a prison type thing where there's just not as many girls? I don't know. Is that what goes down? I don't know. It's dumb? Creepy. I think those guys there would find you guys irresistible.

I think they're just smart. They figured how to start their own community in West Hollywood. They figured how to start their own community in Columbus. You know what doesn't happen like that, though? Lesbians. Lesbians don't really form very many lesbian neighborhoods. I guess not. I don't really think of, I don't know, right?

I don't even know of one. Not really. I can't think of one. I'm sure they exist. Yeah. I can't think of one. Gay people have whole islands. Fire Island.

Yeah. What? Dude, take over New York. It's almost all gay. Fire Island Yeah What? Dude take over New York What's Fire? It's almost all gay Fire Island, yeah, it's gay It's like 98% gay Yeah

And then there's a few hangers on Some old people that don't know what's up Oh, the lesbians have The neighbors are strange They wrestle Lesbians have the Dinosaur get together, right? Oh, well, there's a lot of lesbian golf pros For sure, yeah

Yeah You know what else? Pool Really? Yes High level women professional pool players A lot of them Softball players too What is it about girls and sports That make them gay?

I guess there's the natural association Right now there's girls all over the country That think we're serious It doesn't make me gay you fucking Asshole I mean you look like a guy and you play like a guy Dissociation, right? Right now there's girls all over the country that think we're serious. I know. It doesn't make me gay, you fucking faggot. Asshole. I mean, you look like a guy and you play like a guy. That's not what we're saying, folks.

You can, without a doubt, absolutely be a beautiful woman and be in the sports. Sure. And doing sports and competing in sports. Don't get me wrong. I saw Gabby Reese at the airport. Whoa. That's a lot of women.

Whoa. I did a celebrity volleyball game with her and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Are you serious? That's his favorite. That's his favorite. Way back in the Dizzee. Yeah. It was many, many, many moons ago.

And she's a big, beautiful woman. Yeah. Making fucking warrior babies with that. Absolutely. And her husband's a big, beautiful man. He layered. A professional surfer. Yeah. He's warrior babies with that. Absolutely. And her husband's a big, beautiful man. He, Laird? A professional surfer. Yeah, he's a fucking rock star. Oh, he looks like right out of a fucking 1950s movie about the beach of California.

His hair's like- It's amazing. Dipped down. He's a beautiful fucking man. Yolked. Big, yoked, beautiful man. Yeah. The two of them have pretty sex.

That's some good fucking sex. Oh, I'm sure. They should study it. Yeah. They should study it in like, you know, one day when they invent artificial people. Mm-hmm. You know, what do you want to be? You want to be some like, you know, one day when they invent artificial people, you know, what do you want to be? You want to be some

artificial, frail, little fucking insect-like person? I want to be Laird and Gabriela. Fucking, well put together.

Imagine how she gives birth, she probably just reaches in and grabs a kid. You know how strong that bitch is? Oh my God, yeah. She doesn't have to scream. And they're both,

they're both, shoves it in there and in their 40s and they look amazing. They were together. They had the whole family together, so I was like, this family looks amazing. It was straight out of a magazine. Someone's in love.

Gabby Reese. Did you hear they got herpes-infected monkeys in Florida? I believe it. I was there this weekend. Yo, dude, Florida does not play games. Tommy Bunz, by the way, developed in Florida. That's true. It's one of the few things good besides herpes-infected monkeys

that have come straight from Florida. Tommy Bunz. That's right. High school, Thoreau Beach, Florida. What up? They said that there's a fucking slew of herpes-infected wild monkeys. There's as many as 1,000 of them. Many as 1,000 of them. There's as many as a thousand of them. Many as a thousand of them. There's going to be spreading a lot.

There's a lot of fucking going on in the monkey world. Yeah. Monkeys don't stop. Monkeys don't ask each other, do you have anything I should know about before they fuck. It's 100% of herpes. They fuck everybody. Yeah, of course. Every monkey fucks every monkey. The only thing that they don't do is

well, chimps at least, is mother and son don't have sex. That's a common primate restriction. The mother won't have sex with the son. But the dad? Everybody else, the dad fucks the son. Really? Everybody fucks everybody. The dad fucks the daughters.

They fuck cousins. They fuck sisters. Everybody fucks everybody except the mom won't fuck the son. That's very interesting. Thanks, mom. Yeah. This is, well, I mean, this is really funny how many endangered, how many dangerous invasive species there are in Florida.

Yeah. When you stop and think about it. They started to find Nile crocodiles. Mm-hmm. They found pythons that are so big they eat alligators. Jesus. Yeah. And now they're finding these fucking crazy herpes-infected monkeys.

There's a thousand feral rhesus monkeys living in Florida right now, and among those scooped up by wildlife officials over the years, most were found to be carriers of herpes B. And this week, the colony was declared a public health hazard. It's believed that a small handful of the wild animals originally landed in the state in the 1930s, courtesy of Colonel Tooney, a tour operator who wanted to give the visitors a Tarzan-inspired experience

of Florida's Silver River State Park. Toohey reportedly kept the monkeys sequestered on an island, but they learned to swim to shore. Wow. Easily reaching the mainland and moving out, putting down roots as far as Jacksonville, over 100 miles away. This is amazing. And these are...

They got herpes. But they're... Are they... They're not even contained? Like, they're just out roaming around? Or they're contained? These monkeys. No, they're roaming. They're just roaming. There's Or they're contained? No, they're roaming.

There's a thousand of them roaming. It says herpes doesn't cause serious symptoms in these particular animals. In fact, it's fairly common amongst them. But in humans, it can lead to neurological impairment or fatal encephalomyelitis. Encephalomyelitis? Encephalomyelitis? Why do they do that? Why do they insist on making words so fucking difficult? That shit's ridiculous.

For these moments. Encephalomyelitis? Littus? Myelitis? I guess it's littus. No, it would be I because there's no E after T before an I. Or is there? An inflammation of the brain and spinal cord leading to death.

Florida's rhesus monkeys are known to act aggressively towards people. They're racist monkeys? They're biting people. Yeah, they're probably racist. They probably hate white people. So they bite people and then you get... You get a murderous form of herpes that barely affects them. Barely affects them, but will kill you.

This is great. So they're essentially toxic. I mean, there's very little difference between that, having that, and being toxic. Yeah. I mean, you're talking about something that you can give a person that will fuck them up. I mean, how's that different than a poison? Hey, man. Just because it's a bacteria?

Great winners in Florida. That's all I got to say. Yeah. There's a Cuban tree frog problem in Florida too. They're really noisy. So these animals, they move into these areas and people have a real hard time sleeping. Oh, Jesus. Because they're really, really fucking loud.

And they're trying to find out. Some of the research they were doing recently on human beings and happiness and harmony and peace, one of the things they're showing is that we need quiet. Like, people need quiet. It's not just, I would like to get some quiet. No, you actually do need certain amounts of quiet. You need sleep, and during that sleep,

you need to be able to rest. And if you're fucking constantly inundated with sounds, you might not ever totally rest. You might drift in and out, and it could fucking redline your mind. It can really fuck you up. So these frogs, they move in. They're called Cuban tree frogs.

They're in Central and South Florida. And they double the rate of their calls native green tree frogs oh in the presence oh this is so crazy they're so loud that in the presence of them the native frogs have doubled their rate of calls as well oh so it's just insanity they're super loud and crazy and then the other frogs have doubled their rate of calls because they have to try to keep up with these crazy new they're basically Joey Diaz as a frog.

It's a big, loud, crazy Cuban frog. That's insane. Yeah, that's nuts. They have unforeseen ecological effects. A Tennessean says that by doubling its call rate, the green frog makes its presence more obvious, which is likely to make it more vulnerable to predation. Wow. So they're going

to kill off the other frogs by making them stupid. So they actually get, they got competitive about the frog calls. They were like, yeah, well, it makes sense. Yeah, of course. It must be sexual, right? When they, when they make calls? What else are they doing? Yeah, sexual or it's like territorial, you know, about like threatening my territory. Right, and what's the territory about? I don't know. It's about sex. I guess so, yeah.

Yeah, they're just trying to get their frog freak on. Frog freaks? They found the largest wild Burmese python in Florida recently, captured and euthanized. This is the largest one they've ever caught Florida 17 feet long do you think a lot of the stuff going there I mean part of it is like that it's made up the place is a swamp like the state's a swamp but then it's also proximity to like where a lot of people end up going. People from the islands, right? Coming up with shit. It's the perfect storm.

Florida's the perfect storm. First of all, you've got the highest level of Oxycontin addiction and prescription on the planet Earth. That's Florida. Florida has 10 times more Oxycontin prescriptions than the rest of the country combined. Yes.

That's a lot. So then, okay, so you got that, right? You got this crazy number of people who are on Oxycontins. Yeah. Then you've got Cuban immigrants, including a slew that Castro released. Castro sent out because they were prisoners. That's what Scarface is based on. Yeah.

Then you've got the cocaine industry in Miami. And mental patients, too. Oh, yeah. Dan Marino. Dan Marino's from Florida? No, he's from PA. He played for the Miami Dolphins? Yeah.

So you've got that, okay? Yeah. Then you've got the amount of banks that were set up with cocaine money. Whoa, Jesus. That's when you start getting really crazy. Yes. Because you find the numbers and you go, oh, my God, this is insane. Why are there so many banks? There's more banks per capita in Miami than anywhere else in the country. Then you got no state income tax. What type,

who does that attract? No income tax. And it's like this reputation of being a place where Eastern gangsters went South. I mean, it's always been there. Like they go South and dump bodies. They go South and hide out they goes i mean they would get in a cadillac and they would drive from new york to florida yeah i'm gonna give my mother a nice house in florida yeah and then they would also the big thing before florida was they would take boats or jets or whatever to cuba before cuba fell like in the 1950s like kennedy would go to cuba yeah that was the spot they would go to cub. Yeah, that was the spot. They would go to Cuba. People would go to Cuba. Cuba was the shit. They would go and dance and drink, and it was supposed to be fucking incredible.

Yeah. And then when the shit hit the fan and everybody had to flee, let's just stay around Miami. Fuck it. We don't need to go here. And Miami is basically, there's nothing about it that looks like any American city at all. It's Cuba. Yeah, totally. I mean, it's great. It's awesome. Miami's's totally it's i mean it's great miami's a

great city it's a fun fun city but it's very international oh yeah it's very international you are an asshole sometimes when you walk into a store there and speak english to somebody they literally are like who the what the fuck are you doing yeah Yeah. So there's that, you know, and then there's, it's attached to the southerly parts of what? Georgia? And what else, what else is it attached to? You drive to? South Carolina, Alabama. No, Alabama.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. You go Bama, Mississippi, Arkansas. And it's interesting because the other thing that's interesting is that the further south you go, the more international, cosmopolitan. When you're in like northern Florida, northern Florida, you might as well be in Alabama. Oh, definitely. You really might as well. And you don't have to go that far north. No.

Or that far central. No, you do not. Yeah. Northern Florida is a different country. That shit is country as shit, man. It's a different area. Tallahassee, that shit is country. I remember when I was in high school and we would go to this place called Belle Glade.

Belle Glade is basically inland from Palm Beach. So Palm Beach is billionaire's row. Right. West Palm Beach has nothing to do with that. Billionaire's Row. Right. West Palm Beach has nothing to do with that. It's just, you know,

like, poor, and, you know, it has, I mean, obviously it has some nice areas, but then you have, like, rednecks, and then you go further in that Lake Okeechobee,

Belle Glade is sugar cane. And you can smell your salt, you can smell Belle Glade way before you get there. Like, the draft, like, burning sugar cane. And it doesn't smell sweet. You the draft, like burning sugar cane. And it doesn't smell sweet.

You know, it doesn't smell good. And you get out there and you're like, this is like an entirely different world. Like it had nothing to do with anything. It was so rural. And, you know, it was all about the soil there, Muck City, and the place had, you would think you were in Alabama or in some rural part of Georgia. And that was just, like I said, a couple hours in from West Palm Beach.

That cartoon of Bugs Bunny sawing off Florida, what year was that from? Looks like about 60s. Do you think that that was really what he did or did someone create that for a joke in the new day and age? Oh, no, no, no. That's from a cartoon. So he really did saw away Florida? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So was Florida where Elmer Fudd lived? I can't remember that episode. Why is he so hating on Florida? Was Florida shitty back then too? I don't know. Where did Lucy and Ricky live? Did they live in Florida? Because he was Cuban, right?

He was Cuban. Was that Miami? That's a good question. I don't know. I love Lucy. Here we go. Isn't it funny that no one had any problem with that as an interracial relationship? Or an intercultural relationship? Back then uh, you know, inter cultural relationship.

Like back then, like being a Cuban man was like very sophisticated. It wasn't like if you try to do a Mexican when, and her, yeah. Like the people would have a problem with that. Yeah. It was,

you know, it was okay to have it that way. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't even considered, I mean, not that they're different races, but Hispanic,

a lot of people actually almost racists do look at Hispanic. Sure. And Hispanic people as being different than white people. Oh, yeah, of course, of course. But that back then. Did you know that. Big Bunny, Bugs Bunny. America, take it away.

Why did they do that? Why is Bugs mad at Florida? That's what I need to know now. Do you know that Desi, he had such a massive ego that... Desi Arnaz did? Yeah. He had a real problem with the name of the show being I Love Lucy. So they, he was like, the show should be like, you know...

I Love Desi. Right. But they told him, yeah, but who's saying I Love Lucy? You're saying that. He's an idiot. Yeah, and they were like, and he was like, oh, yeah. But they told him, yeah, but who's saying I love Lucy? You're saying that. He's an idiot. Yeah, and they were like, oh, yeah. And they convinced him. Oh, my God.

That the show basically, it's you saying it. So the show's really about, you know. How do we know that that's true, though? It's all these stories. Yeah, but the producer could be a lying dickwad. Yeah, he could be saying that. They'll tell stories about you someday, Tommy Bunz. And you'll be like, the fuck I said that?

I didn't fucking say that shit. The fuck I said that? Meanwhile, okay, that was a big fucking popular show. Oh, yeah. I think the most watched episode of television ever is I Love Lucy when she gave birth. Everybody tuned in to see if it was a boy or a girl. Like, it's crazy numbers insanity like basically most of our country watched that when that aired it was from six years from 1951 to

1957 and then after the series ended a modified version continued for three more seasons with 13 one-hour specials running from 1957 to 1960 known as the lucille ball desi arnez show and then reruns as the lucy desi comedy hour my name's in that show yeah you got a little upset yeah this is bullshit i'm not coming back yeah i guess it was actually 1949 that bug spawning cartoon but i think you just I don't know, man. He's given credit basically for syndication. Really? Desi Arnaz?

Uh-huh. He figured it out? Well, he's the one, television used to just air live. Like you just, and they would just shoot it. And then he asked for like the prints one time. And they were like, yeah, you can have the fucking prints. What are we going to do with that shit? You fucking idiot. You dumb Cuban piece of shit and that's hilarious and then whoopsie a little while later he was like you know we could re-air this and they were like oh yeah we could

re-air that that's actually quite funny yeah originally set in an apartment building in new york city i love lucy centers on Lucy Ricardo, Lucille Ball, and her singer-bandleader husband, Ricky Ricardo. Along with their best friends and landlords, Fred Mertz, their landlord, and Ethel Mertz.

Wow. Yeah, that show is Those shows, man, like The Honeymooners, that's a window into another time, man. Yeah, sure. They're watching Lucille Ball, like The Honeymooners, that's a window into another time, man. Yeah, sure. Watching Lucille Ball, watching The Honeymooners. The Honeymooners, every week, Ralph Cramden would threaten to beat the fuck out of his wife. Yeah. That's true. Not just occasionally.

Yeah, yeah. Every fucking week, he would be like, pow, right to the moon. Yeah. He would talk about punching her in the face and knocking her to the moon. She deserved it. But stop, just stop and think about like culturally

how crazy people were. It's not that long ago. We need to understand what a giant change has happened in our culture. And I think one of the best ways to really document it

is to watch old shows. Watch what they, what they accepted back then and watch what they accept today. There's a newspaper article I just saw from – somebody posted it, I think, on Twitter. And it was – they asked – they polled – it was an old newspaper article. They polled guys whether it's okay to spank a woman. And the answers, they polled like five or six guys. It was an old article. And they were all like, absolutely, she needs it.

If she's out of line and she doesn't know what she's doing, you're just trying to help her. And this was a newspaper thing where they were like, see, guys. It was to make you feel okay about spanking your leg. Yeah, I tweeted that. Oh, you tweeted that? Yeah.

Okay, I don't know. I just saw an article. Yeah. Well, I might have retweeted it, but either way, I definitely tweeted it.

I thought that was just hysterical. Yeah. If a woman needs it, should she be spanked? The best part about it was... Let's read it. Let's read it.

Yeah, it's so fucking funny. Why not? Jesus Christ. If they don't know how to behave by the time they're adults, they should be treated like children and spanked. That ought to make them grow up in a hurry. If it doesn't at first, they'll soon get the idea.

This is incredible. Get the idea, hey? Yes. When they deserve it, as a barber, I've got a lot of faith in the hairbrush. Oh, my God. I think there are certain cases when it is advisable, when it is, there's no reason why you shouldn't go right ahead and do it. I can't knock the idea. In my business, a man sets a lot of store by the results he can get with a hairbrush properly applied.

Nice little smack. Now, here's the counterpoint. What does that mean, though? Sets a lot of store? Maybe that's a business term back then. A man sets a lot of store. Are you ready for the counterpoint? Yes.

There's none. Everybody agrees. That's incredible. That's the best part, is everybody takes the point of view. Look at this guy, parking lot attendant from Brooklyn. You bet. Teddy Galell. You bet.

You bet. It teaches them who's boss. A lot of women tend to forget this is a man's world, and a lot of men who step down as boss of a family wish they hadn't. Spanking might help get back some of the respect they lost. Look at Teddy. Look at Teddy. That's Joey Diaz's cousin.

What the fuck, cocksucker? Listen, cocksucker, spank them if they want it. William Davis. What does William say? He's a toy factory owner. Yes. Most of them have it coming to them anyway. If they don't, it will remind them of how well off they are.

I subscribe to the theory that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Holy shit. Whoa. Look at him. Look at that evil looking fuck. He looks a pound of cure. Holy shit. Whoa. Look at him. Look at that evil looking fuck. He looks like Rutger Hauer's brother. Wow. Does he look like Rutger Hauer and Robert De Niro fucked?

He looks evil, man. Actually, he looks like that one Holtzman. Oh, yeah. He does look a little like Holtzman. Imagine that guy spanking your wife. Let's hear what the other people said. That's it. That's all.

That was the last one? That's awful. That was the last one? That's awful. Well, that's sort of like what Dawkins is kind of alluding to. Totally. That you're dealing with a totally different time. Absolutely. And he probably didn't really get over it. Yeah.

He's probably saying that to appear, look, it's no big deal. I got over it. But the reality is that guy probably needs mushrooms and a hug. that guy's still he's like avoided psychedelics you know where that came into play big time with with that kate like that specific world at um was an issue was the joe paterno thing because sandusky nobody's arguing that it was a different era. He's a rapist and a pedophile. But people were saying that the way that Paterno handled it was just an old school guy way of doing it. Because he was 80 something years old, his whole thing was like, you know, I didn't know. And my, you know, my way of the way of doing things when for a guy from his era was like, well, just you don't come around here anymore.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was his way of policing that type of behavior was, and that probably was what people would do to somebody. Like you hear what Jerry did. Yeah, Jerry's not welcome here anymore. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah.

That's considered the discipline for that guy. Right. Not, let's call authorities, and it was like, you know, he's out of here. Yeah, Jerry, you can't fuck my kids. Yeah, you got to go away. Stop. That's wrong. Yeah, you can't come to the cookouts anymore, Jerry.

Jerry's twisted fuck. Yeah. Yeah, one of the things that Dawkins... Look at this guy spanking this chick. Yeah, you know, acting up. Hey, can we join in? Get out of here. Wow, he's really beating on her, man.

Are they going to separate it? Wow, see, what the devil do you think you're doing? He's drunk. He's trying to grab the glass and smell it. Wow, he's drunk. Wow, the grandmother thinks it's drunk. He's trying to grab the glass and smell it. He's drunk. Well, the grandmother thinks it's funny. That's the mother? The grandmother's laughing.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Don't you touch me! The nerve of you coming into my house and trying to tell me what to do and hitting me. Well, you think you're important, don't you? Well, you're not. You're a clerk. A miserable little clerk. Ooh.

Wow. That's a low blow. She didn't need to go there. Well, maybe she did. Maybe she needed to get spanked, too. Talking shit about the guy being a clerk. Absolutely. How rude.

She forgot how good she has at Joe she's got a good life that's so weird when you look at stuff like that from another time and you go that's not that far ago in terms of the amount of time that human beings have been alive it's not that far in terms of the life of the planet

obviously you get back further and further and wider and wider it looks tinier and tinier but it's really strange was that a guy getting spanked? that's a girl? wow wrestling they spank now? So you get back further and further and wider and wider. It looks tinier and tinier. But it's really strange. Was that a guy getting spanked? That's a girl? Yeah. Wow. Wrestling, they spank now?

I guess so. She has a very firm booty, too. I bet that was fun spanking. This guy's like, I got you, baby. Can't believe you spanked my wife. He's going to go back there, and while he's banging her, she's going to close his eyes and think about that guy spanking her. Wrestling is so silly.

It's such a silly world. What are you talking about? It's amazing. It's the best thing we have. It's so absurd. You mean pro wrestling. You don't mean real wrestling. Isn't it weird that real wrestling is like one of the greatest fucking sports, most difficult sports the world's ever known, and super

effective in combat, but that fake wrestling is like, it is the affront to American civilization. It is the thing where if the aliens come down and they turn on the TV, if that's the first thing they watch, you've got a real problem on your hands. And I get that, like, someone told me, you know, it's a soap opera, basically for dudes. Yeah.

And I'm like. No, it's not. I watch it. I'm like, I understand it way more for, like, a kid, you know, the characters and all this stuff. But like when I, I have adult friends. I have a lot of adult friends that all still watch it and love it. Like Sam from the Opie and Anthony fucking in love with it. And Tony Hinchcliffe.

And you're just like, Hinchcliffe loves wrestling. He's one of the biggest wrestler guys ever. That is hilarious. I know a comic in Chicago Marty DeRosa fucking like talking about this shit like did you see that shit?

What are you talking about man? What is how could you even get into it? I don't know. I don't know. And I tried I fucking I realized that everybody

has their maybe it's a nostalgia thing. Maybe it's because they liked it back then. Maybe they don't smoke weed. That could be that. But all the classics, like I grew up with Hulk Hogan, and all of them are dead or retired. So these new guys, it's like, I don't...

But I'm just saying the excitement, I get the excitement for an 11-year-old. But now when you have real sports, and I love when the guys get real defensive. The guys that are in it because they're always doing their act, no matter what. They're always doing their act. You think this shit's real? Step in the ring, motherfucker.

Okay. Did you ever see John Stossel get beat up by the wrestler? Yes, because he got... Yeah, yeah. That's a classic. That guy fucked him up. John Stossel gets beat up by a wrestler. He got really fucked up. He ruptured his eardrums.

Yeah, and he had long-term effects from that. Yeah, that was really not nice. But he was getting a little cocky with the guy. Sure. He could have asked him in a more respectful way. Well, I'm not going into the ring to tell these guys that I think this shit's lame. Who was the guy who beat him up? There we go.

Dave Schultz, right? That guy looks crazy as shit. A little bit of size on him. Is this a good business? Yeah, it's a good business. I wouldn't be in it if it wasn't. Why is it a good business? Because only the tough survive.

That's the reason you ain't in it. And this punk holding the camera, the reason he ain't in it. The reason these rednecks out here ain't in it, because it's a tough business. That's terrific. Wait, is that all you got? I'll ask you the standard question.

You know? Standard question. I think this is fake. You think it's fake? What's is that all you got? I'll ask you the standard question. You know? Standard question. I think this is fake. You think it's fake? What's that? Is that fake? Huh? What the hell's wrong with you?

That's open hand slap, huh? You think it's fake? You're talking... Whoa. Huh? What do you mean? Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! That second one That second one Is I think the one That did the real thing Well he In all fairness He was a little mouthy Yeah sure He was a little mouthy With the wrestler Yeah You know why would you Is this a good business First of all

In all fairness He sucks as an interviewer Yeah That's a sucky interview Yeah If I interviewed a guy like that I would expect him To be upset with me too

Is this a good business Yeah Why would you ask If it's a good business It's a horrible question Tell me You know tell me about wrestling How'd you get involved in this?

How long have you been doing it? How do you respond to people that say that this is not real? Not me. I'm not saying that. You gotta be nice to the guy. Don't be a dick. I think it's fake.

Yeah. Why are you so cocky? Why do you think you could say that to a man inches in front of him just to insult what he does? It's stupid. Of course it's fake,

you fucking dope. It's arranged, but course it's fake, you fucking dope. It's arranged, but it's not. They're hitting each other for real. They're slamming each other for real. That angle that guy took

is so stupid. I mean, just in life, you always size up who's in a room, right? And I think some enormous dudes

are fucking idiots, but I'm not going to be like, I think you're a fucking idiot to your face because I don't want to get my ear fucking smashed. Well, not only that, it was unnecessary to create drama there. That didn't draw anything out.

But he had a different idea of how that was going to turn out. He thought, I'm going to ask him these questions and make him look stupid because I'm way smarter than this fucking clown. Exactly. And then he got his ear from a butcher. And, you know, I mean, he lived, he learned. He's got a mustache and he's a white guy his name is Stossel

and he's got a giant Burt Reynolds style mustache and he still has it does he really? he's had that shit yeah he hasn't shaved that he still rocks that that's a fucked up thing

to happen to have a guy like manhandly like that in front of a camera and no one gives a shit no one does anything oh yeah everybody moves

everyone backing away from no one's gonna save you right then what are you gonna do that guy's enormous yeah because he's a giant man yeah you got a real problem mr stossel you're not being protected a lot of those guys are absolute scary fucking of course they are yeah they're fucking huge guys like brock? Brock Lesnar? That's an enormous human. Yeah. If that guy wants to beat the fuck out of you in front of the cameraman,

I mean, he might get arrested for it eventually. Right. But, like, while it's going down, like, no one's gonna help you. That's just a fact. Sure. The Rock is a beast, too.

Oh, he's enormous. Huge. He's bigger than ever now. Yeah. He's huge now. He's, like, really into bodybuilding. He puts a lot of videos and tweets a lot about, like, all the... Workouts he's doing about like all the workouts. He's doing like four o'clock in the morning

Lands 5 a.m. He's at the hotel. Yeah, I saw that's he said he's doing like two hours of cardio and then three hours of He's an animal and then he has cheat days that he puts online you ever see so yeah It's like a hundred doughnuts and plates of doughnuts giant stacks of brownies that he puts online. You ever see his cheat days that he eats? Fucking 100 donuts and shit. Plates of donuts. Giant stacks of brownies. Yeah. Like, jugs. Like, several gallons of milk. I've seen a lot of the, like, super athletes

post sugar. Like, a lot of, like, guys that are doing, like, the super, you know, cross-training CrossFit guys. But their cheat thing is always incredible amounts of sugar.

I think it's probably because of caloric intake. Like they probably have an extreme desire for heavy caloric intake. And that glucose kind of kick in. Yeah. Yeah, if you're doing like CrossFit and shit like that. Plus also when you go with like really healthy diet on a regular for the most part, it's so tempting to go off the rails. Are you still gluten-free?

Yeah, yeah. How's that going? It's great. I have no problems with it Are you still gluten-free? Yeah, yeah. How's that going? It's great. I have no problems with it. I heard Udi bread is really good bread to try, so I'm going to try that out. And then there's apparently a gluten-free bakery that wants to send us some stuff. Nice. That's in L.A.

You know, I don't miss it that much. I tried some gluten-free pasta. It tastes fine. The big thing to me is I feel way different after I eat. When I would eat bread, I would be like, oh. And I always assumed that was just how I felt after I ate. Right. Because I always ate bread.

I always had bread or pasta. Like, always. And then when I stopped, it was like, oh. Like, I was being poisoned, essentially. You know, like, slowly, you know. Is it hard to do gluten-free when you travel? Is it harder? It's harder, but when I say poison, obviously I'm being melodramatic. But what I really mean is that your body doesn't digest that shit well.

It takes a long time. It feels like shit. It feels weird. And it's breads. It's breads and pasta. When you eliminate that stuff, it eliminates a whole level of after meal crash. There's still a bit of an after meal slowdown. I won't have a big meal and then go on stage

for that very reason. I wouldn't want to have a steak and potatoes and then run right out on stage. But the difference between a steak and potatoes and a steak, potatoes and pasta is significant. Steak, potatoes and bread is significant. That extra level of fucking coma that you go into pasta It's gone that levels gone. I don't get that level you saw potatoes. Yeah, you could have any carbs

I think you could have rice Yeah, it's the idea is all bait like it some people say it's hooey and it might be a little hooey, you know It's psychosomatic. I'm not I don't think it is I think there's enough people that are pointing to some research that's been done on it that it makes sense. And there's also research done on actual wheat itself. That wheat itself, apparently in the 1960s, they altered it to make it a little tougher

so it could survive pesticides and bug attacks and shit better. And when they did that, it made it much more difficult for people to consume than the old school wheat that people had been eating for thousands of years. So essentially, I don't know shit about it, you're just getting rid of wheat, right? Yep. Yeah, that's it. Some breads and even some alcohols because it's a lot of alcohol.

Beers, right? Yeah, but not Heineken. Heineken, which I drank anyway, is gluten free. But that stuff that I love, that Black Butte Porter, that's got tons of gluten in it. There's a lot of gluten-y beers. There's a lot of gluten in things like clam chowder has gluten in it. Okay. It's a lot of stuff you wouldn't expect, like powdery.

I mean, you're always reading about it now? Yeah. To find out what you can eat? Yeah, I just completely quit. I just stepped back and said, well, let's see. If it's worth doing, I'll do it. And if it's not worth doing, if I don't feel any different, well, let's see if it's worth doing, I'll do it. And if it's not worth doing, if I don't feel any different at all, I'll go right back. But you feel great. But I feel a difference. There's definitely a difference.

There's a book called Wheat Belly that I still haven't read, but a lot of people point to that as being a good source of information as to why there was a change in wheat itself. And what they're saying is that whole grains of 2012 are not the whole grains of 1950. The 19th century, the Bible, pre-biblical times, modern wheat in particular is genetically distant from its predecessors thanks to extreme genetic changes inflicted on wheat in the 1960s and the 1970s in the name of increased yield per acre. Oh, okay. So the healthy whole grains have been repeatedly shown

to reduce risk in diabetes, heart disease, and colon cancer. It's true, but if whole grains are compared to processed white wheat flour, it's guilty of the kind of flawed logic that dominates nutritional thinking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So apparently the grain that people used to eat is a much better tasting wheat or a much better for you wheat but it just doesn't it doesn't we don't have it anymore wow hmm so you eat a lot of protein though yeah i eat um i eat almost all protein like fish or

chicken or meat or uh and a lot of vegetables and i still eat potatoes and i'll still eat rice but there's a difference in the way i feel i just think digestion wise i think there's an issue with resources i think when you when you're eating wheat one thing that's happening is many more resources that are used for other things are used to digest it it must come down to like what it is when you think about a plate of pasta, chew that shit up, mash it up, swallow it, and then pack it all together. It's glue.

You got glue. You got a big wad of glue. Yeah. You know, whereas your stomach acids are sort of designed to digest other things, like vegetables and meats. And I think it's a grind, man. I think, and this is obviously coming from someone who's not that nutritionally sound. I don't know what I'm talking about, but I think it's a grind, man. This is obviously coming from someone who's not that

nutritionally sound. I don't know what I'm talking about. I think it would just make sense. Once I noticed it, I just... Are you still doing dairy? I try to cut way back, but I still like it. I like chocolate milk. I like ice cream, too. But I cut back.

It's still delicious. I don't eat cereal anymore because uh the gluten-free cereals are not that yummy you know i like raisin bran i haven't found a gluten-free raisin bran it's possible yeah i don't even might exist but i haven't found one yet so i stop with my cereal i eat cereal like sometimes late at night yeah it's like my uh my cheat meal yeah in front of tv i get a big fucking bowl of Kellogg's Raisin Bran. Oh, yeah. Go off, son.

I cut that shit out entirely. So I don't really have as much milk. But there's a lot of companies now that just cater to the gluten-free, right? There's always new things coming out. Dude, milk and cookies are another one I miss. Yeah. I used to get these Uncle Eddie's vegan, whatever the fuck it is, cookies. Is that what it is?

Uncle Eddie's, I think. These vegan cookies from Whole Foods. They're so good. Peanut butter and chocolate chip. Listen to me. If you're still eating gluten, don't, don't, you know,

don't pass up on these. Please go get them because they're the most delicious thing ever. These vegan chocolate chip cookies, the oatmeal chocolate chip with a cold glass of milk. I would eat those

until I felt sick. Trader Joe's, Trader Joe's made a crazy vegan chocolate chip with a cold glass of milk. I would eat those until I felt sick. Trader Joe's made a crazy vegan chocolate chip cookie, too. Really good. They're so good. I don't know why they're not. They don't taste bad because they're vegan. They taste fine. Is there a gluten-free version?

Well, I think vegan's just lacking the eggs. I don't know what they bind it with. Is there one that you can get? I haven't seen one. Oh, you haven't seen one. I've seen chocolate chip cookies that are gluten-free. They're pretty good. They can't fuck with those oatmeal chocolate chip

cookies. Those are incredible. I would go pick them over non-vegan ones. That's how good they are. I always thought that, for me, the TJ ones were amazing. I would sit in front of the TV, say if I was watching a really good movie, and I would eat a whole bag of those fucking things.

Really? It was probably several thousand calories. A giant glass of milk. I love, there's so many times I've just been decadent, but when you hear about how many calories some people can consume. Oh, like a Michael Phelps type dude? That's just so fucking awesome. That's insane.

I want to watch meat so badly while he's training just watching yes yes i do i want to pass off yeah i mean they said too that like uh you know workouts are so intense yeah his like get going first thing of the day might be a few bacon egg and cheese sandwiches yeah and. Yeah. And then, like, everything goes down. It's like, all right, you're in the pool. And it's just training, training, training. It's get out, and you eat, like, a bowl of pasta, like, you know, that's enough to fill five people's stomachs, you know? Yeah, I think he probably blows off so much insane energy. Yeah, it's not even, yeah, it's got to be.

You can't even wrap your head around that. What kind of shit is this guy taking? For real. It must be thunderous. All the time. Number six? It's gotta go somewhere. It's gotta be number sixes.

Yeah, number six. What's a number six? On the Bristol stool chart. What is the stool chart? It's how they rate your shits. So, one through seven. One and two

are like, you're grinding them out. Like, they're pretty difficult most of my shits are not impressive but every now and then I will give birth to Godzilla well

is it a nice slider oh yeah that's a four slider's a four even if it's giant that's what you want yeah even if it's giant what's a six

six is really sloppy lots of little pieces like you blew it out your ass blah yeah that happens as well seven is all liquid.

Are these bad or good on a scale of good to bad? You want three and fours. That's what you want. Three and fours. Three and fours where it's at. Three and fours where it's at. Three and four. I'll tell you what, man.

A really good shit that you've held in for a while is incredibly pleasing. Oh, yeah. Like if you've been holding it in, holding it in. Fuck, I've got gotta get to the toilet, I gotta get to the toilet, and finally, even if you're in a public bathroom, you sit down, you just,

ah. Ah. And it's so good that it doesn't bother you that you're taking a shit in a public bathroom. Yeah. You just unload that dragon right out of your ass. Yeah. Just swims out and destroys.

There's really no feeling like it. There's really no feeling like it. Number sixes are fun, though, because it's like your butthole's sneezing, but the seven one with the blood is the worst one. That's not good. That's a horrible one. There's a one with a blood?

A seven? Seven's blood. Seven's just all liquid. No solid material. The thing is, do you ever have when you hold it in and you know it's going to be a five or six? Like, do you ever have, like, for me, it's like if you have too greasy a breakfast

and it's the first thing that enters your stomach, and you know when you get up like if you're at a restaurant You're like this is gonna. This is gonna be Unbelievable in the next whenever whenever I can find a place to sit down This is gonna be a disaster, and then you get if you're in a hotel you get up to your room, and it is like like a Religious experience like yeah, I had a recently had a gluten-free vegan cheese pizza it up to your room and it is like a like a religious experience oh it's great yeah i had a recently had a gluten-free vegan cheese pizza and just the vegan cheese doesn't digest in your body your body's just like what do you want from me and then just like the next day it was like

asteroids fireballs and it burnt coming out even though there's it wasn't even spicy cheese it was just because it was a vegan cheese stung a little bit yeah little bee stingers Oh well bee stingers on your butthole you need to go to a doctor you know that right I told you this before just for your mind not even for your butt I've been I've actually said you just go there's too many of you out there in the world I got a full physical and everything's perfect. Everything was perfect. Speaking of crazy doctors, a Nigerian guy working on his college. This is a college paper.

Unbelievable. He proved that gay marriage is impossible with magnets. This is the single dumbest thing that anybody has ever said. It's amazing. This isn't a hoax? This isn't the idea? No, no, no. If you go to deathintaxmag,

I think... I don't think... That's a legit website. But this is... No, I think this is real. I think this is totally real because every other story on it seems real. It reads so dumb.

Okay. This... I can't even say the guy's name a post-graduate student at the university of lego in nigeria has finally discovered a way to inconvertibly prove that gay marriage is wrong using a variety of scientific techniques like magnets and this sounds promising this is what. And this is his word. Sounds promising. This is what he said. This is in quotes.

To start with, physics is one of the most fundamental of all the sciences, and I use two bar magnets in my research. A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole, and when you bring two bar magnets and you bring the North Pole together, you will find that two North Poles do not attract. They will repel. So, you push them away from showing that a man

should not attract a man. Showing that a man should not attract a man. If you bring two South Poles together, you will find that the two South Poles will not attract, indicating that the same sex marriage should not hold. A female should not attract a female, as a south

pole of a magnet does not attract a south pole of a magnet. Brilliant. Brilliant. This is hilarious. This guy actually wrote this stuff down. Maybe he's trolling. Maybe he's gay as fuck. He's slinging dick like he's handing out churros at a fair. And he's just like, listen, I know what to do here.

I just tell them there is no gay marriage. You tell me you are attracted to a dick, suck up on my dick. I do not believe. Oh, you're sucking up on my dick. I can't even believe you pretend to like this. I have to change my magnet theory. You do not like to suck up on my dick. I will come in your mouth, but only this one time.

He should hold a press conference, this guy, just so people can be like, I'm attracted to smelly armpits. Which magnet can you show me will disprove my hard-on? Yeah, isn't that a thing with a lot of gay dudes? They're into stinky dudes. Stinks, yeah, yeah, stinks. I got something for you, gay dudes. I got something for you. Tommy dudes. I got something for you.

Tommy Buns ready to let you know. A lot of smelly parts. What's up? Yeah. Do you ever get attacked or picked on or rather hit on by the gays? I've gotten hit on. Sure. What do they do to you?

What's the number one move? Hug you. Do you think, first of all, were you offended? Do you like, yeah, I don't look that gay. No, no, I wasn't offended. Do you think, first of all, were you offended? Do you like, yeah, I don't look that gay. No, no, I wasn't offended.

I mean, I've been so hit on that I'm like, I really feel bad for women. Like, it puts it in perspective, you know? Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, like, this guy's a real pig, man. Like, I'm not a piece of meat. Jesus. I had a comic corner me once and get really goofy with me. Yeah, I had.

In Montreal, drunk. Yeah. And it was so vile. I kind of totally understood like what it must be like for a woman to get hit by some sleazy dude sleazy guy i had a sleazy guy do it too and he was like uh what did he say he goes he was he was a comic and he was bringing me on stage and he had been like that's a good shirt on you and all that you know all this little compliment i was like all right man and then he was like when i bring you up and i could tell he was hammered what if i kissed you on the mouth i'll be like don't do that dude i was like, all right, man. And then he was like, when I bring you up, and I could tell he was hammered,

what if I kissed you on the mouth? I'd be like, don't do that, dude. I was like, don't do that. And he was like, all right, all right. I'm like, just don't do that. A comic would bring you on stage? Did he lick the mic all before he gave it to you? Hoping that some of his saliva will get into yours.

Yeah, no. But he was just like, he was a creep, right? So I was like, that's what a creepy dude is to a girl. Do you want to name names? No, don't do it. Okay, I won't. Do it. What if it's the same guy?

It could be. What's the name of the guy? No, I can't. Don't do it. First name. First initial. No. Brad's got the camera on.

No. No. Oh, here. Put it on me. Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no. No. People are forensic with that.

I made up a name. Don't worry about it, folks. You want to hear something gayer than that? I was in a name Don't worry about it folks Ari Shepard Ari Shepard Ari Shepard You wanna hear something Gayer than that? Hmm I was in a restaurant The other day

This is This is not even gay Oh okay This is disgusting Okay A woman It has nothing to do with gay I don't even know why

It's gayer than that A woman brought in a dog Yeah A giant dog Like a lab Right And she sat down At a restaurant

And the lab Sat down next to her table. And I go, what the fuck's going on? And the waitress told me that she has an emotional needs dog. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did you know about this? Absolutely.

Tom just got it. Yeah. You got an emotional needs dog? Uh-huh. And I'm going to get it, too. Uh-huh. For real. To take it on the airplane for free.

Get the fuck out of here. Wait a minute. So if you have an emotional needs dog, like say if you get your dog an emotional needs dog license, you could take that dog on an airplane.

For free. For free. For free, yes. For free. Yeah. Yes. I recommend it for small dogs. But every airline

has like a different policy. I mean, like... What if someone's massively allergic to dogs and they're sitting in front of you? I have seen... And your dog is dirty. Clown-like fucking dogs

get on planes where I was like, this is a joke, right? Like a fucking basset hound. And to the point where we're all like, what's going on? Like the same thing

but we're on a plane. And they were like, it's their fucking emotional needs dog. Emotional needs dog. Yep. And I've seen a... What's it called an english bulldog you know like a big bulldog uh get on same thing like it's emotional needs dog that is incredible i couldn't imagine that it would be legal in a restaurant

though that is so crazy especially one that has an outside patio. She wasn't even using the outside patio. Really? This dog's dirty, open asshole is just sitting there in the middle of the dining room. Yeah. Not washed. I mean, the dog takes shits. Nobody's hosing his ass off before they bring him out in public and make him presentable. He's just farting right in front of everybody.

Of course. It was a lab, man. It was a lab, man Big golden lab Crazy bitch Did you tweet this? Yeah It was a notable person, right? Famous person, famous woman

Ridiculous broken bitch Can't bring a fucking dog It's so rude to bring a big dog Into a restaurant like that and act like you're king shit And just sit there with the dog and pet it. That idea of emotional needs dog is so crazy. It's so crazy. The problem is, look, there are people that are absolutely devastated.

And there are probably people that if it wasn't for their dog, they probably wouldn't even want to be alive. That is a fact. There are people that that thing really applies to where it's very. Guess what? You don't get to bring your. That is a fact. That thing really applies to where it's very... Guess what? You don't get to bring your dog into a fucking restaurant. It doesn't matter. You don't get to bring that big, stupid, hairy animal into a restaurant,

and then someone touches something that your dog's butt touched, and they get worms. Because that easily could happen. You don't know if your dog has worms. You don't know what the fuck's going on there. You barely take care of that thing. How many checkups do you give your dog? Dog can't even

talk. It's a California. If you're going to be that paranoid, though, you're going to be more as paranoid as just opening the door to go to the bathroom. Not about paranoia, dude. I have dogs of my own. You just don't bring your dogs near a fucking dinner table. It's that simple. When you're out there at a restaurant, the dog is literally at the table putting its face on the table.

The person's eating and the dog's right here. She's touching it and then she's touching the table. She's rubbing the dog's hand and she's picking up the forks. I mean, she's a dirty bitch. If she wants to do that, I don't do that at home. I don't allow my dogs to fucking sit right near the... My cat eats off my ice cream cones. Well, you're an idiot.

That's a dumb thing. You probably have toxoplasma. But, you know, if people want to do that at home, they choose to do that at home. That's one thing. But if you have that dog around where other people eat inside a building, there's a reason why everybody can't do it. Yeah, she just wants her dog with her. Yeah, well, there's a reason why everybody can't do it. Because if it was totally sanitary, anybody would be allowed to do it.

We wouldn't even care. Right. The reason why it's not allowed is because it's unsanitary. So to put other people's health concerns behind your need to be with a fucking thing that loves you all the time

is incredibly selfish. To bring that into a restaurant and know that you are violating the standard health procedures with a loophole and those health procedures were put in place to make sure that people don't get sick. From other people's dirty ass, stinky dogs. But what about when it's a service dog, where you know the person needs it, but it's still a dirty...

It is a problem. It makes more sense, at least. Right. But it's still, that dog's still there. It still is. Well, I think they should take precautions, and the people that work there should probably clean up extra good anywhere around the animal. But if you're It still is. Well, I think they should take precautions, and the people that work there should probably clean up extra good anywhere around the animal.

But if you're a blind person, yeah, I hear you. It makes sense. But this is not that. This is just needy, crazy California. It's California. That's California. Needy, crazy, famous people. And California's the first place.

I remember when I moved here, and I was getting post-production jobs, working in different places, right? And people on staff from the post-production supervisor to a producer or a writer to editors, there were fucking like 11 dogs, right? And I was like, what is going on? And it was like, we bring our dogs to work. And I was like, I've never seen this anywhere where people just... And then every place

I got a gig after that always had 10 fucking dogs. And they were like, well, yeah, I mean, people just bring their dogs to work. I used to bring my dog to news radio.

Yeah, Frank Sinatra, the pit bull. I used to bring him to work. And I used to bring Squeaky, Squeaky Fromm, my other pit bull. I used to bring her to Fear Factor.

It's California. Yeah, Squeaky Fromm was a creepy little bitch. I couldn't leave her at home with the other dogs. Oh, really? She would start some shit. What kind of dog was that? She was a pit bull. It's California. Yeah, Squeaky Frum is a creepy little bitch. I couldn't leave her at home with the other dogs. Oh, really? She would start some shit. What kind of dog was that?

She was a pit bull. Pit bull? So I'd bring her with me to work. Good dog, though? Oh, she was a sweetie with people. Yeah. She was a real sweetie

with people. She loved people. She hated other dogs, though. She didn't like them because they would take attention away from her. She was a rescue dog. Mm-hmm.

And there's a great thing about rescuing dogs in that you get to save a dog from you know most likely being put down but the bad thing about rescue dogs is like when i got her she was almost a year she had been really badly abused and so that that almost a year of her life she had been treated like shit and when i came along and treated her with love anybody that got between that was like very dangerous to her like another dog that came in and tried to get the love like she would snap at the cat like bitch you

better get the fuck away from my man like she wanted only me to pet her like and when like she would come running with the other dogs uh she would growl at them and snap at them to get out of the way so that she could get pet she'd back everybody else off yeah yeah she was just a gangster and were you able to have that at all? No. She killed my dog. She killed one of my dogs. Did she really? She actually killed two of them. Whoa. Yeah, she killed one of the dogs

and then she got in a fight with a male and to the point where he had to be put down. Oh my god. Yeah. She was crazy. They're crazy dogs. The problem with pit bulls is you're dealing with and people who get mad at me for saying this, listen, nobody loves those dogs more than I do. I've had a few of them in my life, and Frank was an amazing dog.

He was a beautiful, smart, sweetheart with people, with all my friends. He was so kind. He was such a sweet, friendly, loving dog. But he was a Hawaiian boar-fighting dog. They used him to hunt boars Mm-hmm, and those dogs were so animal aggressive because they were bred to go after boars and hold on to them Yeah, they were so smart because of that They were like really clever and they had a really high prey drive and a lot of times in dogs high prey drive

Is also with high intelligence like a lot of those dogs that get through, especially because of the cruel nature of both dog fighting and using them for animals, for hunting and stuff like that. Like you have to have like only the best, wildest, craziest, strongest, bravest dog to breed. And that's how you make like a strong bloodline. So the real problem is like they're bred to do shit you don't want them to do. They're bred to fight. They're bred to want to kill animals. Right it's even if you're really good at training

them which i was really good at training dogs i've been training dogs my whole life i'm pretty good at it i mean i'm not a professional i'm not like uh you know guys who train dogs for schutzen but i'm pretty good at getting a dog to explain what i want and i know not to be cruel to them and always give them love and when you get a new puppy, you spend more time with the big dog than you do with the puppy to let the big dog know that the little dogs around you, you're going to get more attention. You're going to get more attention.

Like, I'm good at that shit. But they, you know, they have a nature. They have a nature from thousands of years of breeding. And it's really hard to change. It's really hard to change. And the wiring, right? Like, it's just not wiring, right? A bit. Certainly you can develop dogs that are

more aggressive because you promote it. But I did the opposite of promoting it. I tried to discourage it whenever possible and tried to encourage love whenever possible and make them be sweeties. Get them plenty of exercise. I bought a big yard just because I have plenty of room for them to run around. I want them to be contained.

It doesn't matter. They want to fuck up other dogs man she still wanted to kill they wanted to go to war and she'll fight to the death you know yeah it's crazy but there's meanwhile she's slept in my bed sweetest dog ever damn she's my baby you know she would go on trips with me and she would sit right right beside me in my car seat like if i drove somewhere i would take her with me all the time took her to work all the time she would sit right next to me just big stupid face head out the window you know that's awesome dogs are amazing i love dogs but you can't bring me to the restaurant you fucking crazy cunt how's that dog's dirty asshole out there with my little kids are touching shit on my one side of the restaurant there's a dog the other side's a three-year-old with a vulnerable immune system. You're a dirty, stinky asshole.

Do you bring your dog out? Me? Yeah. No, I don't take my dog to restaurants, but I'm more concerned about just fucking restaurants. These waiters with their dirty poop hands. That could happen. I mean, I worked in restaurants, so I saw shit like, oh, that guy pissed me off. I'm going to take his hamburger patty, put it against my balls, and put it back on his...

No. I saw that shit all the time. Are you serious? Oh, fuck yeah. I've done it a few times. I've seen. How dare you? You should lie about that.

Really? It's been seven years. Is that Statue of Libertations legally? People put on their balls? Oh, dude. That's horrible. I did this one where this guy kept on. He said he wanted a medium rare steak.

And so I gave him a medium rare. It was perfect. He goes, that's too raw. And I'm like, do you even he wanted a medium rare steak. And so I gave him a medium rare. It was perfect. He goes, that's too raw. And I'm like, do you even know what a medium rare steak is? So we brought it back medium. And then he came and was like, oh, you overcooked it. I was like, alright, you didn't know anything. So when they gave us the steak back, I just wiped it all over my asshole and put it back on the plate. And then you fed it to him?

Oh, yeah. Oh, Brian. How rude. All over your asshole? What'd your asshole feel like? I think you lost there. The guy didn't even know. Meanwhile, you had steak juice all over your asshole. You put a hot steak on your asshole? Yes, I did.

You're a problem. Didn't some of that seasoning kind of give it a little kick? Spice. That's why his steaks suck. You can't even taste them with your asshole. No flavor on that thing. There's definitely a thing where when you're a waiter and the table is treating you like shit, it's like, you know what, fuck you, dude.

I don't give a fuck that I'm working at this restaurant, how you're talking to me right now. And so that happens more than ever. That's why when you complain at restaurants, unless you're cool about it, you've got to watch the fuck out because a lot of people do crazy shit. Yeah, no doubt, no doubt. No doubt. I think that restaurants, like when I go and I try to be like super nice to everybody. I'm super cognizant of that.

You don't want to treat somebody like shit that's about to handle your food. You got to be careful about that, man. Yeah. I've seen people do things. I worked at a restaurant and I saw a dude spit in someone's ice cream shake. Took a big hock of Louie and stuck it in there. That's so... Oh, man.

And for no reason. He just decided to be cute. He thought it was cute. He would try to be funny. I was working as a dishwasher and he was working as a cook. And he would go and spit on the cheeseburgers and shit and flip them. That's fucked up, man. He would go, watch this.

Jesus Christ. There was this restaurant I worked at and there was a Band-Aid that was in the tomato basil soup. And one of the waitresses brought it back. And it's like, somebody put a Band-Aid in the soup. And I just remember they never replaced the soup. They just got her more soup from the same thing that the Band-Aid was in. I was in this one place in Hawaii, and these people were trying to scam the waiter They were trying to scam the waiter by saying that the waiter has to do something about you know

Their bill because the rice was too hot. No like first he brought the rice over It was cold then you bring it over and it's so hot it burns her mouth I mean you guys got to get it together here and like they were being like it was an English guy He was being loud and belligerent. It was so bad and so blatant that it was almost like he was doing, like, some undercover camera, like, showing how someone could scam a waiter. Yeah. And so then the guy brings over the manager of the restaurant. You know, he insists on speaking to the manager.

Like, he feels like, like, by the time the manager gets there, the manager just wants to calm everything down. Can we comp your meal, sir? Yeah, yeah. And they're working on trying to get the meal comp. Sure. But you can tell the manager knows this guy's full of shit. Of course. So he lets the guy talk out.

But the guy was, he didn't even try to calm him down while the guy was talking really loud in this restaurant. So it became a really strange thing where everybody was paying attention to it. It was theater. But the manager just stayed kind of like, sir, what are you trying to do? Like, what would you like? And the guy's like, well, I'm saying you guys have got to make amends here. This, this, this rice was cold and now it's so hot. She burned her mouth. Like I almost burned

my mouth. And he's like, and you know, you, you didn't have one of the specials on the menu. I go to order it. You're out my good man. You man, I'm from London. If this happens in London, they do something about it. And the guy said, what are you suggesting, sir? He goes, well, I'm suggesting that you take care of our bill or something along those lines. And the guy's like, that's not going to happen, sir. Of course.

So then another waiter comes over and then they're just hovering over this guy while he pretends to be outraged about this. He's trying to put together a scam. He just doesn't have any ammunition. But they're just hovering over this guy while he pretends to be outraged. Right. He's trying to put together a scam. He just doesn't have any ammunition. Yeah, yeah. But they're going for it. I've seen it countless times at comedy clubs.

So many times at comedy clubs. Oh, yeah. Mock indignation. And it's always like a lingering group. People have left the show. And you're like, what's going on there? Why are they here? Right.

And they're like, man, this shit wasn't even good. The food you brought, you ate it. And they're like, man, this shit wasn't even good. Like the food you brought, you ate it. And they're like, yeah, but it was bad. Like you ate it. You didn't say anything then.

They always order a shitload too. Like they always order like three appetizers. Like they just go crazy and then at the end they tell you. I've seen at a restaurant a guy with a big party.

Like these shrimp were terrible, man. These were bad. Like the ones that you ate an hour ago. Yeah. This has got to go, man. I can't, I mean. You know, there's another problem, too,

that people do, and that's when a bunch of people go out. No. A bunch of people go out and one person gets stuck paying the majority of the bill. Like, a lot of people don't chip in.

And then they start going, well, what the fuck, man? And then people will start complaining, well, this wasn't even any good. I've seen that happen so many times where people don't pay their share or they conveniently ignore the fact that the check has gone there and start getting up and grabbing their keys. They don't even

act like they're going to contribute. I've seen that happen many times where people like, one person shells in like 20, and then, wow, I'll put in 40, but mine was only 20 and then there's like well then he put in 40 shit i don't have to put in anything right like people have all this like weird logic when it comes to paying a bill that happens every night going to norms you know all the comics like 20 comics all sitting there and you're like wait a second i gave

40 bucks why did you know oh that's not good all the time i've been just paying for it half the time nowadays i've gone out with groups where I end up just paying for it half the time nowadays. I've gone out with groups where I was planning on, you know, everyone chipping in something. I'm like, I have to bust out credit card and pay a crazy amount more. Yeah, that can become a problem, man. And it also becomes a problem if they expect you to pay. Like, if you pay a couple of times, they're like, yeah, Red Band will pay. And then they'll start ordering omelets and shit, hash browns. I wasn't going to get orange juice, but fucking Redman's going to pay.

Redman's got my back. I was going to have some ice water, but I'm pretty sure Redman's going to pay. I'll get that steak and eggs. Yeah, I just throw down a $20 at that point, which is usually like $5 more than I should. You have to do that every year. You can see people doing that, though, if you're around long. Especially comics are so opportunistic, man. The struggling comic is one of the sleaziest, least trustworthy animal in all of entertainment.

Because they're part criminal, part artist. All wrapped up together. How many struggling comics do we know that are just a hair from being a criminal? Well, they're homeless people people they all live in their cars there's a lot of that all these people live in the Hollywood Hills you always take care

of shit though like I've been turned down to pay stuff by you every time I've ever yeah but that's when we're working together that's when we work together

I take care of everything that's the deal that's pretty crazy I take care of all the hotel I take care of all the meals awesome I take care of all the it's uh I think it's the way you're supposed to deal. The deal is I take care of all the hotel. I take care of all the meals. Awesome. I take care of all the...

I think that's the way you're supposed to deal with it. It's not your job to be there with me. Your job is to do your show. Yeah. So all the other time, all the other stuff during the day, that takes away from the amount of money that you make at a gig. If you have to worry about paying all your meals and paying for a hotel or paying for this or paying for that,

that seems like bullshit to me. When you're on the road, you're my guest. That's nice of you. It's very nice of you. I have friends that I've brought on the road who assume that I'm in that position too. Oh, really? I'm like, yeah, I got you this week.

And then they're just like, let's go out to eat. Same thing. And then the bill comes and you're like, hey man, yours was 50 bucks. What do you want to do? They're like, I don't have 50 bucks. That's ridiculous. And what do you say? Like, listen, bitch.

Yeah, I mean, you know, at a certain point you're just like, all right. I'm not going to make a fucking scene out of it unless it were like real significant. I'm just like, all right, man. Good date. So they just assumed that you were you were gonna pay I've had that happen for sure that's hilarious of course that doesn't seem like something would be normal in fact one of the reasons why I chose to do that from the get-go is all the people that would complain about like being on the road with someone and how much money would cost all right yeah you know yeah and we got to pay for all

my meals. So at the end of the day, I don't make any money. And I'm like, yeah, you know what? You don't make any money because you can't even eat your food you have at home. You've got to eat out every meal. Right. And there's no reason for that, I think, if a guy's doing well. Did you see about that guy?

This is not a comic, but there's a guy. It was a video. It was a clip we played on My podcast on your mom's house of the guy who's like get your hands off my penis that guy That guy my dad somebody done Is a hands off my penis well this guy if you look at this guy He does is he's doing exactly what we're talking about. He became famous for this in Australia, which is he would go out to five-star meals at restaurants.

And then when the bill came, he would just go, I don't have any money. And they were like, what? And he'd be like, I just don't have any money. Like, I don't have any money. And most of the time, they didn't want to create scenes in these places so he'd get thrown out sometimes he would fake a heart attack and like he's like and they'd call an ambulance

so the priority was on getting him to like a hospital he became like the most famous guy for doing this to the point where he had multiple court appearances and like judges would like you know be like you're a disgrace to you know humanity and this is such a and he judges would like you know like you're a disgrace to you know humanity in the way this is such a and he'd be like I'm a terrible person I know it's one of the funniest videos in the world play it play it this isn't out of coming out of a restaurant I could speak. Sit down inside the car.

We're not assuring anything. I'm under arrest. Look, I'm under what? Gentlemen, this is Democracy Manifest. He's fighting against the cops. Have a look at the headlock here. See that chap over there? Get your hand off my penis! This is the bloke who got me on the penis before.

Get some cups. Why did you do this to me? Get some cups. For what reason? What is the bloke who got me on the penis before. Get some caps. Why did you do this to me? Get some caps. For what reason? What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal? Oh, that's a nice headlock, sir.

Oh. Ah, yes. I see that you know your judo well. Good one. Know your judo well. Are one. Know your judo well. Are you waiting to receive my limp penis? Now, get your... He's amazing.

I love how it ends, even. Ta-ta and farewell. That guy was for the, you know, hundredth time. They all knew him. That's what was going on there. They're like, you're the same fucking asshole. What a crazy fuck. But if you ran a restaurant, what a pain in the ass a guy like that would be.

A guy who takes advantage of other people being nice and the rules. And he would also order like extraordinary bottles of wine. Yes, I'll take this one. Of course. Of course. I don't have any money. He probably also runs Red Lights. It's not for me.

It's for you. He's a chess master. He is. He was't have any money. He probably also runs Red Lights. It's not for me. It's for you. He's a chess master. He is. He was. He's dead. Yes. Really? What's his name?

Oh, that guy died? Yeah, he's died. When did he die? I don't remember. He died in 03, I think. His last name, I think, was Doza. D-O-U-Z-A. D-O-U-Z-A.

I think so. And they think he might have been You know Mentally ill Oh no way Robert He kind of reminds me of Robert It's D-O-U-Z-A

Okay D-S-O-U-S-A A Hungarian guy Yeah In Australia Yeah That was his Suckling Chinese male

A suckling Chinese male? With a penis? I think that's the man. Me and Tommy are going to be on the road. Hold on a second. Let's figure this out. No, that's not the man. I'm coming up with the wrong name.

Your wrong name? Yeah, that's not him. What does it say on that video you just played, Brian? Let's see. Man, Australian man. Get your hands off my penis, man. That's not the guy? Not D'Souza.

D'Souza. This is Australian man. Here it is. I see the guy there. It doesn't say in any of the videos on YouTube at least That I see I see the video on live leak Item info Get your hands off my penis

So apparently he was a chess master Paul Dozo right? Hmm. So apparently he was a chess master. Paul Doza, right? Yeah, Paul Charles Doza, dubbed the restaurant runner. He was a chess master. Wow. Checkmate. A former chef who dines at expensive restaurants and then pleads poverty has been convicted for the 54th time of refusing to pay for a meal.

Damn, convicted. Paul Charles Doza, he was only 48 there, dubbed the restaurant runner by local newspapers, was fined $180 on Monday for refusing to pay a $50 bill at a Chinese restaurant. bill at a Chinese restaurant. The following day, he dined out at the five-star Sheraton Wentworth Hotel, then told the staff that he could not pay the $48 check. He was fined $200 for that offense on Wednesday. In order to compensate the restaurant, Doza pleaded guilty, but the charge is saying that he was in a state of inebriation. Hmm. Hmm. He was a Hungarian master chess player and the leading junior drawing with Portich, etc., in between, oh, in Debrecen?

I don't even know how to say this. In 1956. Wow. This says that he sometimes, he would eat, drink, say he was very ill, ask for an ambulance to be called. Out of concern, they would take him. But then one night he was caught when the same ambulance driver picked him up from a different restaurant. Oh, that's so funny. And he sometimes rented a luxurious apartment paying advance rent, hired expensive furniture, I guess rented that, sold the furniture, and

then disappeared. Wow. Yeah, there's people that don't play by the rules, man. And there's people that are just fucking crazy, too. Like, who knows? I mean, this guy easily could have been some sort of a sociopath. He could have been just completely nuts. It's funny, though, that someone would be a chess master,

and that would be something they would be into doing. Can I get the check, mate? I mean, it really, if you can deal with the actual shame of being told that you're a delinquent and you're not paying, if you can deal with that, you just got an amazing meal that you can never afford, and you just keep doing it over and over again, and it doesn't bother you in the slightest.

Oh, yeah. You know what I saw that's fucking hilarious? The World's End. Oh, yeah. The new pub crawl, Simon Pegg. Yeah, yeah. Fucking funny movie, dude. Really?

Fucking funny movie. Those guys are always great together. That was his best one. I liked Shaun of the Dead. Shaun of the Dead was good. This was better. This was really fucking funny. It was really good, man.

It was interesting. It's like, I don't want to say too much. I don't want really good man it was interesting it's like i don't want to say too much i don't give it away but it's like two different movies it's like you're watching one movie and then all of a sudden the movie changes sort of like when dust till dawn you remember in the beginning of dust till dawn like super like serious like action thriller and then it becomes this wacky zany vampire movie movie. Yeah, yeah. This is not quite as extreme, but two very distinctly different films, and fucking great, man. It's great.

I really enjoy the shit. I laughed out loud, like, really hard a couple of times. And in the theater right now? Yes, yes, it's right now. I laughed, like, really, like, like, good stuff man I really like him I like the other guy too

the big guy oh the big guy was amazing he steals the movie the big guy's the shit yeah yeah it was incredible man it was incredible

and they're always together those two make a lot of movies together right they're always doing stuff together yeah yeah because they did they did

Shaun of the Dead was the one they did with the it was like, Hot Fuzz. Hot Fuzz. Yeah, that's when there was like The Killer, right? I love that movie.

I love all those movies. Yeah. Shaun of the Dead is one of my favorite movies. Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. The guy's just funny. Yeah. He's just funny.

I mean, his sensibilities, he's just really good at being funny. Yeah. You know, for whatever reason. What's funny though, when I put it on Twitter, everybody was like,

don't you mean This is the End? Right. Like the same, it's really similar put it on Twitter, everybody was like, don't you mean this is the end? Right. It's really similar. Seth Rogen. They're correcting me. I'm like, no fuckheads. I want to see that also, though. Yeah, that looks good. I heard good things about that. I haven't seen any of that. Yeah, it looks good.

James Franco, is that right? Yeah, James Franco. They have a lot of cameos in that. Oh, yeah? Yeah, a lot. Well, I mean, Craig Robinson, that whole crew, Jonah Hill, Michael, Michael Cera,

like all the guys that you've seen in those movies separately all make appearances, I think. Why are so many chess players crazy? I was just thinking about that.

Somebody put up a photo of Bobby Fischer. Wasn't he nuts? Oh, my God. He was like crazy racist, too, right? Anti-Semite, like big time. Yeah. Anti-Semite, like, big time.

Yeah. Anti-Semite. What was that about? He just had a whole thing about, like, he hated Jews, and then they found out that he was actually... Part Jewish? Jewish in origin, yeah. Like, yeah.

So he's trying to throw them off the tracks? Yeah. Sort of like how Ted Haggard would talk bad about gay people. Yeah. But he wasn't like, he wasn't, the older he got, I think the crazier Fisher got, he wasn't even subtle about it, man. He was very much like, well, you know. I think there's also an issue with a guy like Bobby Fisher that he's just so fucking smart and so crazy.

Too smart for his own good. Have you ever seen those videos? Brian, see if you can pull this up, where Bobby Fischer would play multiple games of chess simultaneously. He would walk in a room, and they would all be playing, and he would walk down the aisle and make his moves at like 16 different tables at the same time. And then just kind of, yeah. He was playing them all in his head at the same time.

He was playing them all. Yeah. He had all the games calculated up in his head, running simultaneously all he did was chess man that hurts my dick I feel it in my dick from the tip to the base

it's too much work it's craziness when I see someone who's just completely engulfed by something like that that's just like some super master that's completely engulfed in something like chess it kind's just like some super master that's completely engulfed in something like chess, it kind of freaks me out. Yeah, it's scary.

It freaks me out. I don't know where the... I searched for multiple chess games, Bobby Fischer. That's not it. Because you don't watch the actual game itself. You watch him walking into a room, and he's playing all these games at the same time. There's a great documentary about him.

Do you look up multiple simultaneous pool games? I put Bobby Fischer multiple chess games. Who took him in in the end? I think it was Iceland or something. Iceland? Someone did, right? Somebody gave him, yeah. Oh, okay, Kasparov. Pull up Kasparov.

You could find him doing it. Kasparov simultaneous chess game. There's Kasparov walking in a room. He's another super genius. Yeah. And there's like a gang of people there. Oh, yeah. It's crazy, man.

This guy's just walking down this huge table and all these geniuses. They have notebooks and pencils and shit. They're all studying each move. And Kasparov walks in and, like, literally within seconds, he's made a move. Look at this. Boom. Bitch, you're dead.

You're fucked. Here, let me fuck that. What are you going to do here? You ain't going to do shit, bitch. Suck on that. Hmm, what about this? Oh, you can go fuck yourself. And how about, oh, bitch, are you crazy?

Oh, I see what you're doing. Bam. Slam. Checkmate. Suck it. Wow, this is like I see what he's doing. Bam, slam, checkmate, suck it. Wow, this is like dozens of people he's playing. Insane, yeah. And Kasparov would just do this on a regular basis. It's multiple tables of people.

Yeah, three huge, long tables of people, and he looks over each chessboard no more than 15 seconds. He just looks at them and goes, oh, this is actually a long one. Look at this one. He's got a huge boner. His dick's getting hard as fuck. He's playing a guy that's good. The guy must be good.

Look, he's paused. He has to pause. And he moved. Oh, shit. There's a little kid right here. He's like, not that good, fuckface. Look at that kid. Like, how old are you, little fuck? I wonder if there's a limit.

I wonder if he gets like 100 tables and his fucking head explodes. There's a certain amount of tables he could do. Is he just like, I don't play chess, only Chinese checkers, but when he looks at it, is it like a math equation almost to him? Is he really thinking it in his head, or is it something that he can just look at the table and go, all right, I see what's going on here. A guy at that level has played thousands of chess games, like many thousands, and knows.

The possibilities. His level is like he has played them. He's also done them himself. Like, I want to try this route. And that is like it's a map to him for sure. He sees the whole thing and goes, I know how this can go. I'm going to do this. Yeah, I want to try this route. And that is, like, it's a map to him for sure. He sees the whole thing and goes, I know how this can go. I'm going to do this. Yeah, I agree.

It seems like there's a certain level that they get where they see things just completely differently. Totally. And then you and I would, it's almost like gridded out for him. He sees the possibilities play out. There's also games where they'll play three chess games simultaneously it's like a separate board have you ever seen that oh it's i don't i've seen like this a much larger board and like three three different sets of pieces are all going at it at the same time yeah i don't know all of it it's just too much man There's not enough time in the world.

I would like to see chess masters versus how much pussy they get on a chart. How great you have to be, like Kasparov at his best, how little pussy he was getting. You can't be getting any. You're not getting any. Well, we would like to think they don't get any. We would like to think, as men who can't play chess, we'd be like, yeah, but he ain't getting any pussy. Yeah. That would help us, right?

Yeah, I would feel better about that. Yeah. I don't want him to think that he's way smarter than me and he gets a lot of pussy. I think he... I think a guy, though, at that level, with what he's doing, his time to indulge in his interest of pussy is not that great. Well, I think he's probably such a bad motherfucker, too. He probably can't even talk to regular people. Yeah, right.

Like, if he was gay and he had to fuck you, the conversation he would have with you would be like, Jesus Christ, will you just shut up and suck it? Yeah. I'm tired of talking to you, Tom. You don't know shit, and I don't care about football. I have 100 games going on right now in the basement. They're waiting for me.

Suck my cock. It's just a biological function, right? I just got to empty this load right now. Well, you know, that was the story of Nikola Tesla. I mean, Nikola Tesla allegedly destroyed his sexuality. That was the quote. And the idea was that he got so flabbergasted by a relationship that he was having, it was so emotionally taxing that he decided to just kill his dick.

Really? Yeah. Did he shock it? I don't know. It's an ambiguous term that he used, that he killed his sexuality. You don't think guys like Casper Robin Fisher connected with girls who were like, you're really good at chess. Maybe. Maybe.

They're really good. That's how you do all those moves. Yeah, I'm those moves totally beat him I need to find that quote because it's a really weird quote his sexual desire yeah he was a weird guy man but the other thing about Nikola Tesla

is that he was so fucking smart you would have to be crazy to be that smart. I mean, there's really no way around it. Yeah, I think everybody, all these guys, Fischer, all these guys were, they were, what is it, like savants? Yeah. They weren't, you know, they couldn't have regular conversations. Well, Tesla also had some strange quote about pulling signals from other worlds. He was receiving communication from other worlds and was getting some ideas from other worlds. He had a really bizarre mind.

But the thing about it is you can't deny the effectiveness of it. It's real weird when someone is an obvious, genuine, 100% bona fide super genius to the point where a guy like me can't even understand how this guy could come up with so many patents. I mean, he had so many fucking patents. So many different light and illumination-based systems designed by Tesla. Dynamic electric machine communicators the first patterns issued to tesla in the u.s he just he just did an amazing shit he developed alternating current like before that was just direct current you couldn't have like a toaster and like a car yeah plugged into the same port oh and he designed it so he designed alternate current so it would work with different shit. Do you think that, like, the reason...

Like, we are designed so that it doesn't frustrate us how much smarter people like that are than us? Yeah, like, with the math thing that we were talking about, I think there's a giant spectrum of human beings, first of all, and I think that there's a reason why personalities vary so much. I think it's part of the whole machine that keeps society moving. It's like there has to be jokers and there have to be serious people and there have to be people that are obsessive about things and there have to be people who are lazy. There has to be people that accept shitty jobs and people that want the best of everything always.

And you have this insatiable desire to get the most expensive car and the most expensive wife. They're almost like machines pushing entropy. They're almost like machines pushing momentum. And it's like these various different variations in personality from the full spectrum of incredibly lazy to insanely ambitious. It's almost like that's important, that it all mixes together and acts as like a machine.

That's what I think. I mean, it makes sense to me that everything that we see is natural. All behavior is natural, whether it's behavior in wolves or honeybees or coyotes, whatever it is. Behavior of animals is natural, including almost all the behavior that human beings exhibit, including materialism. And then it's almost like

Materialism is just another way that we can show our peacock feathers in our domination outside of actual physical Contests and fighting and that we figured out this variable where a guy does not have to be handsome It does not have to be have great genetics But if he's got a brilliant mind, like a Bill Gates-type character, he could rise to the top and be one of the sexiest catches a woman could ever hope for. You know how many supermodels would love to go out with Bill Gates? Oh, my goodness. If Bill Gates was single, let's just say if Bill Gates was single,

and he just decided, you know what? I'm 70. It's time to sling dick. And Bill Gates just went on a goddamn tear. If he could get the hottest, most perfect women, and they would be flabbergasted that they dick and Bill Gates just went on a goddamn tear if he could get the hottest most perfect women and they would be flabbergasted

that they were with Bill Gates like oh my god I can't believe I'm with Bill Gates just I want to be yours honey baby I don't care

about looks it's what's important to me it's personality and you're so amazing and you're so kind to me just wants to cuddle

with him and take cock and diamonds and just get diamonds everyday new diamonds and diamonds here and everything is made of diamonds every day. New diamonds and diamonds here. And everything is made of diamonds. Her whole house is diamonds.

And forget to take the pill pretty often. Oh, whoopsies. Got another baby coming. Whoopsies. Yeah, awesome insurance policy. Load, load. Yeah, but that's part of this whole evolutionary system. It's almost like it's designed that way.

It's designed as being another outlet. You can get the Laird-Hamilton thing,ilton thing where you just like this beautiful man this gigantic or you know it could be wozniak you know because right right little chubby guy with a billion dollars in the bank sure you know he makes him quite attractive oh my god i'm so into circuits yeah you know yeah it's weird it's these weird variations of what makes someone attractive and these weird variations in personality that sort of push, you know, the whole machine, the whole machine of culture. Materialism also applies to, like, your sense of self-worth. You know?

People get, you get things for yourself to make yourself feel, to pump yourself up, you know? Yeah. This is an expensive thing. I got it. Therefore, people will associate me with this thing. Dude, Tesla invented x-rays. I invented x-rays. Investigating, did you really?

Yeah, that's my shit. That's your shit. Tesla may have been the first person in North America to accidentally capture an x-ray image. When he tried to photograph Mark Twain illuminated by an earlier type of gas discharge tube, the Geyser tube in 1895, the only thing captured in the image

was the metal locking screw on the camera lens. Soon after much of Tesla's early research, hundreds of invention models, plans, notes, laboratory ideas, tools, photographs, valued at $50,000 was lost in the Fifth Avenue laboratory fire of 1895. Oh, my God. Yeah, laboratory ideas, tools, photographs valued at $50,000 was lost in the Fifth Avenue Laboratory Fire of 1895. Oh, my God. Laboratory Fire.

Wink, wink. Yeah. They came and torched that place. Stole his notes. Created x-rays. He's worth a lot of money. He probably got ganked many times over. For sure.

Yeah, it's incredible. Incredible. Yeah, he had something to do with the invention of radio waves, too. Jesus, man. A radio, rather. I think he had the first radio-controlled, remote-controlled car or a boat. He had a remote-controlled boat. Yeah, 1898, Tesla demonstrated a remote-controlled boat.

1898, dude. I mean, what the fuck? In 18... He called it teleautomation. Incredible. It was in Madison Square Garden. He demonstrated his electric radio-controlled boat in Madison Square Garden.

That's what a big deal it was. They had a remote-controlled boat, and everybody was like, gasp! That's so long ago to come up with that. It is incredible. Incredible.

He invented a lot of shit. That's like a fucking spaceship to those people. He was also in love with a pigeon. Really? Yeah, he was in love with his pigeon.

He like had a special relationship with a pigeon. Like Iron Mike? I think it's different. Reincarnated. Who's Iron Mike? Tyson? Oh, Tyson?

Yeah, no. I think his relationship with theated who's Iron Mike Tyson oh Tyson yeah no I think his relationship with the pigeon might have been more romantic oh let me see if I find pigeon a flashlight yeah

go clean your stuff in the pool yeah he had a lot of weird shit with pigeons really it's such a unique one to be down for.

Yeah. I loved that pigeon as a man loves a woman, and she loved me. As long as I had her, there was a purpose to my life. Yeah, that's spelled out right there. He became a vegetarian in his later years, living on only milk, bread, honey, and vegetable juices. What about bird feed?

No bird feed. That's sad. That's for his pigeon. He loves one. He bought injured pigeons back to his hotel room to nurse back to health. So he's basically kind of a crazy guy. He lived in a hotel.

He really couldn't take care of himself. He was just a nutty dude. Got some pigeons. Made a lot of shit. Brian, you're like a pigeon. Made a lot of cool shit. You're a pigeon. Listen, there's no need to be mean to each other.

All right, this podcast, basically over. If you love Tommy Buns like I love Tommy Buns and you live in Toronto, tough shit, sold out. Damn. Last I checked, there was very little tickets. Really? Yeah. A smittering, a handful. But it'll be me, Tommy Bunz, and Brian Callen Thursday night.

And I just signed up to do the Comedy and Magic Club next weekend, the 27th and the 28th. Big fun. I love Mike. It's great. The guy who owns that place. Hermosa Beach, baby. And then after that, I'm at the Ontario Improv. I got a lot of shit happening, people.

I'm trying to do a lot of stand-up now. I'm really enjoying the shit out of it now that my TV show's done. I feel a weight is lifted off my shoulders. A breath of fresh air under my wings like a butterfly. I'm sore. Nice. Tommy buns. Yeah, you can fly now.

I'm fucking excited. That's going to be awesome. I'm going to go with Brian next week. This time. That's right. To Columbus, Ohio. The number one new gay spot on Earth. We're going to do a gay show.

The bear has landed. It's going to be fun. We're going to be with Tony Hinchcliffe and Christina. Yeah. We're going to do a gay show. The bear has landed. It's going to be fun. We're going to be with Tony Hinchcliffe and Christina. Yeah. It's going to be a huge show. And then Christina and I go do a bunch of like one night.

Where's your website so they can find the dates? TomSegura.com TomSegura.com Going everywhere. Nashville, Birmingham, Charlotte, Atlanta. All over the world, bitches.

All over the world. Worldwide. The Tomorrow podcast. Matt Fultron. He'll be in tomorrow, the full charge. And then Wednesday, Kathleen Madigan. And then Thursday, we'll see you fucks north of the border. All right, we love the shit out of you. And we'll see you soon.

Big kiss. Mwah. Thank you.