The Joe Rogan Experience - #398 - Sam Tripoli

Episode Date: September 26, 2013

Sam Tripoli is a stand-up comedian. He also hosts "The Naughty Show" and the "Punch Drunk Sports" podcast, with co-hosts Ari Shaffir and Jason Thibault. "Punch Drunk Sports" is available on Spotify.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! Sammy boy! I've got an official Sam Tripoli, The Naughty Show t-shirt on right now, ladies and gentlemen. You can buy these at Walmart, Burger King, food chains. All over the place. All over the country.

They're going to sell them at NASA. They're going to sell them on a space shuttle. Those bitches get bored up there. Naughtyshow.net. Check it out. Buy a shirt. Help a brother. If you've never seen Sam's show, he puts together stand-up comedy with a bunch of crazy videos.

And I was there once, and I saw a girl beat a man with a belt. Yeah, that was classic Naughty Show. There's a lot of porn stars answering trivia questions. It's basically chaos. It is chaos. It's a big, crazy, chaotic, silly fest. It's a comedy circus, man. Much like Sam's Mind.

Yes, it is. It's all over the place. That's your mind, and that's the kind of show you create. It's all the outlaws. People focus on the adult film stars, and they're really just a small part of a huge thing. It's just bringing out all this you know you call them savages all the late night rumblers people who like can't get on the tonight show like all these crazy burlesque people and comics come and do real like comedy they want to do and just crazy pole dancers who like i mean like it's madness it is

madness i've done it several times and uh it's always a great crowd. I mean, even though it's madness, they're really fun people. They're there to have a good time. When's your next one? We're thinking about doing October 25th at this place called Lyrics on La Brea. Oh, nice. Yeah, it's really nice. Latching out. Yeah, I like to move into different places, man.

You know, the Comedy Store is great, but it's time to move it somewhere else and try a little different. You know, I was trying to do Beecher's Madhouse, but it's a little crazy over there. Great guy. It just didn't work out. So I got this new room, and it's lyrics, and it's a nice room. It sits about 150, and we're going to crush it. Very nice. And so this is October 20-what?

25th. What day is that? That's a Friday night. Sweet baby Jesus. But the 24th, October 24th, I also do a new awesome show that you got to check out. It's called the Comedy Rap Battles. It's like 8 Mile meets stand-up comedy, and it's awesome. It is awesome.

Comedy Rap Battles? Yeah, dude. Comedians do like a five-minute set, and then they go, like, they have a rap battle. And, dude, people light each other up. It is the most entertaining show you'll ever see, man. It's the best. I'm so proud of it. And I work with a bunch of Chris Byrne and a whole bunch of other guys,

and we put it together. And, man, it just crushes. Now, have any comedians lashed out physically at any other comedians during a rap battle? No, no, no. I think everybody gets it. It's like they feel bad if they don't light somebody up, but people get lit up.

Lit up. It does happen in the rap ones, though. Occasionally dudes punch each other. Oh, yeah. I mean, some of those guys get pretty nasty and personal. They go after the moms. I think these comedians are more like, but they're vicious. It's a fun show, man. I'm really impressed by it. We're getting some big-name DJs coming down

to this one at the Improv on the 24th, and it's going to be a great show, man. I'm really impressed by it. We're getting some big-name DJs coming down to this one at the Improv on the 24th, and it's going to be a great show, man. It's going to be a great show. That sounds awesome. That sounds fun. Do you know who's on the card, like the full card? Put it together still? For the rap battle? Some of these people, like, they're really great comics, are like, you can't advertise

me. I'm like, well, what are we doing? Wait a minute. They tell you you can't advertise? Yeah, there's a couple people who are like, yeah, I want to do it, but I can't advertise you. Why is that? I don't know, man. That's silly. That is silly. I don't get that. I don't get it either. That was a big thing at the store. People didn't want their names up on the marquee. Like, why?

Some comics are just like that, man. But we're making it a whole big block party. We're taking a whole parking lot of the improv. We're going to have outside DJs, dancers everywhere. It's going to be a whole crazy-ass thing. The only thing that makes sense to me about not wanting your name is if

you're trying out totally new shit and you want a completely neutral audience. You don't want people that are there for you. They might give you a little bit of extra juice that you don't deserve with a bit. You don't want to work on your new material in front of your crowd because you know that they're going to laugh at it. You want to try a different. That is a possibility.

There is that. And there's also that you might not want to do it for your crowd because it's not ready yet. So you feel like I'm okay to do it in front of these random folks. But if people are paying to see me, the bits aren't ready yet. Is that a hard thing? Could be that.

Some bits. Some bits are just weird man some bits they come together like i like i've got a few bits that literally like the day i wrote them they were done at least in a basic structural form right but there's other ones that like they're always i'm moving them around i put the end in the beginning the beginning in the end you just know something's funny you're like like, there's something there. I just got to mine it to get it. I mean, I've got this one right now, man. I've got this one right now. It either kills or it sucks a fat dick.

Yeah, man. And I know when it's in the middle whether or not it's going to be one or the other. And I know that I have to stick with it even if it's sucking a fat dick and try to find the way out. Now, you say you record it. Is it ever like a certain word makes it go different? I find sometimes when I say it one way, it blows up, and then if I forget to do it that way, it just fucking flatlines the room.

Sometimes it's hard to see when you're the guy doing it too. You need to step back and listen to it. When you listen to it and you're all quiet, you're not saying a word, you're listening to yourself, sometimes you go, oh, that comes out wrong. It sounds more like this. Or maybe people could possibly think that instead of this. It's just good to listen to it.

It's not fun. It's not enjoyable. Especially if I'm on a plane or something like that and I've got to go somewhere, I just listen to my sets. We were talking earlier about getting really rusty. The thing that saves you from getting really rusty is listening to sets. Listening, going over the bits, making notes. Then once you start doing it, it'll kind of come out naturally.

I think you're totally right. I should do it more. I don't know why. I don't. I just like to do it organically, and I think it's a horrible way. Because you're a lazy bitch. Dude, you say I'm a lazy bitch.

That's not the first time you've said that. I work. I got a million irons going. I've just got a million irons going. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, I'm just working these irons. Right, but you're also working some irons that are unnecessary in comparison to that iron. Maybe. The iron of sitting and listening to material. But that requires's actually like work it's like writing like sitting in front of

the computer and writing there's a lot of friends that i know that are really good comedians that don't ever do that and they just can't add out themselves enough to sit in front of a laptop and just write or sit in front of a notebook and just write they can't do it so they come up with all these excuses i i i i write in my head like i found it if i put it down it takes away it just something in the delivery isn't the same when i structure it out but what i do is you know because i'll just be driving around take care i just worked a bit in my head over and over again and over and i'll try to go up on stage with about three or four new jokes with it kind of beat it out and then i let kind of the crowd

kind of feel it and i just kind of go with it but i i it out and then I let kind of the crowd kind of feel it and I just kind of go with it but I don't necessarily sit down and type I wish I could I just I'll write down in my joke premise this premise premise premise and I'll work them out my head and then I'll go on stage and be like okay that works that doesn't work and I make mental notes in my head well I definitely have done that before and I think that if that works for you it's all really about how much focus you're putting into it. If your focus is you just sitting there going over it and redoing it over and over again in your head, and then just writing down the premise. I think that's basically just like writing. It's just, you're not actually putting

it down on a piece of paper. The one thing about writing though, is they say that especially physically writing like pen and paper, not, typing when you physically write something it helps memory retention it aids like quite a bit like the i always um if you look at my notebook like from my comedy notebook it looks like i'm a crazy person i'm sure it's the same thing written over and over and over and over and over again it's like all work no play makes jack a a dull boy. Because that's what I do when I'm writing my bits out before a show. I'm just trying to get the key components like seared into my brain. And then from there, but I write right. I like to sit in front of a laptop.

No, I know that about you. I wish I could do that. It's just I've tried to be like the guy who sits down like, I'm going to write this out. And then go on stage. It just something gets lost in translation. But I just, I mean, I'm going to write this out. And then go on stage, it just something gets lost in translation. But I just, I mean, I'm talking to myself in my head constantly. I used to do when I worked at the Standard Hotel. They used to think I was crazy guy.

And the Hispanic maid service wouldn't sit next to me during lunch because they would see me talking to myself all day, just working on the bit acting it out just to get through the day of this like job that i was very thankful for but was killing my soul but that's how i would get through the day just working on these bits playing them out my head and then by the time i got on stage i would have this somewhat crafted bit already on stage yeah i used to do that when i drove limos. I used to drive around and pretend like I was doing the bit I was driving. I find that when you're doing certain tasks, especially

driving with no radio on, driving with no radio on is a good thing to do. Not enough people do it, but just driving around and just thinking. Sometimes you can figure some shit out, and you have ideas that come to you because you're not being inundated by constant ideas of other people whether it's advertisements or songs you don't really want to hear and changing channels deciding what to listen to silence just drive sometimes yeah and the ideas can come to you i completely agree with that i've been now trying to talk more stories on stage and it's a little it's a transition it's not as easy as I thought it was going to be but you got to just work through it and now that you know I've been on stage I'm trying to be a little

more honest with what's gone in my life because I've had a crazy life what you know with my drug problem and all that stuff and I just all the crazy places I put myself into and all that stuff and you know the crowds have really been reacting to it really well man i'm really impressed like you know the comments i'm getting on stage this is something this you've done this is the first time you've done this i've been like yeah and how many years you've been doing stand-up now 15 so um within like 14 years in is when you started getting this change yeah man i you know it was a combination of like i'd start talking about something and then like you know three months later i'd see everybody talking

about it not that they're taking from me just you know it's in the you know the the air so i'm like i want to do something different so i'm like i got all these crazy stories of my life you know that i just never talked about on stage and just getting to the place where I'm comfortable with being honest about, you know, all the crazy shit that happened to me and, you know, and just going on stage and seeing how it reacts. And even if it doesn't get a laugh necessarily, and it does, it gets some of the stuff's real, real, you know, it just builds this kind of credibility with the crowd that they'll go with me

on other stuff. Like it's a vulnerability. Well, it's also you being a real person as opposed to a guy putting on a show yeah you know and putting on the show is like the armor that you throw up when you first start doing stand-up you know i had a breaking point the other day where you know i was at the store and i was just watching a bunch of funny comics go up but nobody was being real on stage and i'm not taking anything away from them because there are some really funny young comics coming up that i really enjoy but i just found with comedy

everybody wants to hear what they already know they want to really laugh like it's gotten so much about relatability to the point you know that it i just feel like it's like people want to people want to hear premises about stuff we all already agree upon. And I just don't want to do that stuff. So I've been really breaking through. And it can be a hard place when you're doing this really. Okay, but is it that people want that or is that's what they're being fed? Well, I think they're being fed because that's what they seem most comfortable about

or that's what gets the biggest reaction. Yeah, that's all it is. It's what gets the biggest reaction. Yeah, that's all it is. It's what gets the biggest reaction. So people do it because they want to get that reaction. Right. So you start getting that, you know, hey, man, you remember when you were in school and you write a note, do you like me? Check yes or no.

Yeah. People remember that. I relate to that. I know that. So it's not even really that funny, but it's very relatable. Very relatable. But that's not, I mean, it's also sometimes it's funny. I mean, sometimes it's a real moment that someone's trying to recall from.

I know what you're saying, though. I know that thing where you're seeing a lot of like jokey joke type shit and you're like, you're longing for a Richard Pryor type act. Yes. You're longing for someone to go up there and just take it to another level. back yes you're wrong longing for someone to go up there and just take it to another level which is why like i you know after a long time of resisting the late night spots at the comedy store i very much embrace them now because there's a lot more room for me just to experiment and if i fail i fail if it goes well goes well and but but when it hits it's like it's gold yeah those 10 room 10 people rooms you know it's like 1 o'clock in the morning and you finally get on stage and they've seen everything.

If you can make those motherfuckers laugh. Blood from a stone. You got something. Right. And it's like running with weights on. I was doing the main room. I've been blessed. I've been gigging a lot on the road.

But I'll do a couple weekends at the comedy store. And I get the last spot in the main room, which is where I can do like an hour if I want to. And just last week it was a great crowd. By the end of the night I'm going up. Usually my Saturday spot is Sunday. So I'll go up around like 1245 and the crowd was still there and they were great but right when I walk on the stage these two dudes in the front row just jump me you know they're just trying to heckle me right right out the gate and i'm i'm very blessed i've been doing comedy long enough that i'm really i'm dead on the inside you know

it's like burnt wood at this point there's no real reaction you're getting me so everything you're throwing at me is a waste and i'm just gonna hit you with everything so i mean i'm just hitting these dudes bam the crowd is going nuts i mean just going to hit you with everything. So, I mean, I'm just hitting these dudes. Bam. The crowd is going nuts. I mean, just going, claws break at like, at like 1245 at night, boom, boom, boom. This guy, I don't know. I just say something. I go, where's your wife? He goes at home. I'm like, yeah, buried in the backyard. And the place goes nuts. And he just turns. He's like, really motherfucker. Really? And he just starts going nuts he gets up he tries to grab his drink and throw it at me his friend grabs his arm stops it so he starts walking out and man this dude grabs a chair and tries to throw it at me on stage and luckily his friends got it

because it was going to hit somebody in the front row but i just get this weird reaction out of these people they tried to like hurt my store. That's the store, though, too. The store is... I had two people throw drinks at me at the store. One guy threw a bottle of water at me, and one guy threw a glass at me. Yeah, and you got dodged. The store is a dark, dark place, man.

First of all, there's zero crowd control. Yeah, they're all... The comedians have to do their own crowd control, and you have to kick people out. The only guy who used to kick people out was Harris Peet. Crazy Harris Peet, man. I've had more people removed from the comedy store than any other place I've ever played ever.

It was so bad, and it would fuck with everybody. There would be such evil moments there that I would buy the entire room drinks. I remember that. I did that several times. I remember that. Because it was like, look, we're all in this together. I'm not trying to make any money here.

You can't be an asshole. All the door guys look like they're in some emo band that has keyboardists and triangles. And it's just like it's like death cap for cutie is security for the. I'm like, dude, who's securing you? Who, man? Tight pants and knit skinny jeans. Knit caps pulled too low. Yeah.

Crying. You know, it's just like it's crazy. So, yeah, I mean, I've had a couple instances of that, man. They don't have security there. They really don't have security, not real security. I just don't know why they just don't get the, you remember Dublin's had that big black security guard? Has to be black. You have to mention that?

Well, because I called him deep space. He was so big and black. I've never seen a human being with this big of hands in my life. That's the guy you need. Well, you need something. The comic store doesn't have anything. I mean, do they have any security? Is there one guy who's like a big guy who's trained in the arts?

Don Lewis was the last of the badass door guys. He was this comic who just knew karate and a black belt in karate. He was a big yoke dude, too. Yeah. He used to date this 6'8 basketball player. That's a good size. Yeah. Make a gladiator, baby.

Oh, right? Don Lewis and some 6'8 white chick. It would be great. But I've seen him take on three dudes at one time. Yeah, sometimes you have to at that place. Sometimes you that place. Luckily, they're all drunk, though. By the time you get in a fight with somebody at the comedy store, usually they're beyond hammered. But Duncan brought it up. It's like, how do you feel when you're the guy that goes after the comedian? Like, the guy just trying to make you laugh and have a good time. You go

after him, try to physically assault him. It's like, what is that? Well, it's also Hollywood. Part of it is Hollywood itself, because you get a disproportionate go after him try to physically assault him it's like what is that well it's also hollywood part of it is hollywood itself because you get a disproportionate amount of people who think they deserve way more attention than they're getting like this is the place where they congregate this is the this is the light that draws the moths yeah this is the place so they come here and one of the things that they want to do is prove that they're better than everybody else you ever talk to someone who's like a really weak comedian that's sort of just starting out and like, you know, we're going to fucking own this town. Did you ever see that movie Overnight?

You ever hear of the movie Overnight? It's a fucking brilliant movie about this very thing. It's about a guy who is the director of Boondock Saints. Yeah. Who wrote and directed Boondock Saints. director of boondock saints yeah who wrote and directed boondock saints and they produced this movie where they initially when they started following him he had just gotten this huge development deal because he wrote the script harvey weinstein bought it he bought the bar where he worked in as a bartender and now it's his bar and this whole thing and he's

overnight success okay well you watch this guy like become like the most bloated asshole because of all this success that he's having and all this adulation he's getting he believes his own hype and tail spins and the whole thing is it's really fascinating to watch really really fascinating to watch because the guy becomes just a fucking asshole for no reason you know when i used to work at a crunch gene simmons wife used to go work out there and she was talking to me about fame and she said what's the name of the lead singer kiss uh paul stanley paul stanley she said paul stanley told her that fame doesn't change you fame just amplifies whoever you are by a thousand times well this guy just decided that he was billy badass and he was Billy Badass,

and he was the baddest motherfucker. We're going to fucking own this town. It was all that. They've never seen a fucking group of talent like us. We're a triple threat. It was all this like, it wouldn't be like, hey, I think we're going to have careers. We're going to be successful.

God, we're lucky that we got a chance. I think we can make a good film. I really think we can make a good film. It wasn't any of that. It was all, we're going to fucking dominate. We're going to own. We're going to take over this town and um the whole it's a fascinating piece on watching the reaction to this guy like he gets huge and all this you know he has all this arrogance

and then it all implodes on him and you get to see like the the of it. And it's a really interesting psychological profile. It's an interesting documentation of a process, a process of hitting unfathomable heights of popularity. Winning the lottery, basically. Yeah. And you get that a lot on sets. You hear that a lot. You'll hear it about certain actors it's screaming everybody on the set you know where's my fucking water and this you know like throw scripts at like some i don't want to say who it was but she threw her

coke in the face of the executive producer oh my god if you fuck your wife the way you write, it's no wonder why you're getting a divorce. Oh my God. Yeah. Don't you think that has to do with how early almost you get it? No, I think it's just some people, just the pressure. First of all, the pressure of being on like, like some show, like, let's say like, okay, let's go with Home Improvement. When Home Improvement was the number one show in the country, the pressure must be madness. It must be madness. Like, the reason why Charlie Sheen cracks like that, don't you think part of that is the pressure of just being Charlie Sheen?

Just the pressure of being on this gigantic fucking hit sitcom, and everywhere you go, people are following you with cameras, and you just want to do coke? You just want to go fucking crazy and smoke some rocks you go, people are following you with cameras, and you just want to do coke? Yeah. You just want to go fucking crazy. Well, you've been on a hit show. Was there a lot of pressure when you were doing, like, Fear Factor? Totally.

No. Well, there was definitely a lot of pressure, but it wasn't the same thing, because I wasn't really that famous. It was like Fear Factor was famous. I was just the host. It's like, you know, like the guy who's a host of Survivor. What's his name? Greg Jeff?

Yeah. Jeff Probst. Yeah, Jeff Probst. When you watch Jeff Probst, like, you don't think like oh there's jeff probst like oh there's that guy who hosts survivor survivor's 100 so fear factor was the big show i was just the the host you were just the host it's not like being charlie sheen that's a different level kind of psychosis can't go anywhere without people going oh shit charlie Sheen. Yo, man. I like rocks, too He's got that right kind of fame I talked about on stage where it's like he's above it meaning like no matter what he does

We're cool with it I mean the guy locked the porn star in the bathroom after smoking crack and got a huge TV deal with FX Anybody else that's taking them down, but he's just at that level where it's like he's above it. I mean, he's got a new movie coming out. I like him. I like those kind of characters. It's not that he's above it. He owns it. That's who he is. That's who he is. He accepts it. The real problem

is when someone pretends to be something they're not. I agree with that. If someone pretends to be like a Ted Hager type dude, pretends to be this very pious religious leader who's trying to show people the way. Meanwhile, he's smoking meth and getting gay hookers yeah that's that's what people have a problem with it's not smoking meth and getting gay hookers because if you know if george michael did it and was just like honest about it like look i got a lot of money i really like meth and i like hookers you know they're big boys they know what they're doing they know what they're doing we're

having a good time here own Own your shit. Yeah. There's no problem. Nobody has a problem with male prostitution. Everybody's trying to stop prostitution, but nobody puts any effort whatsoever into stopping male prostitution. Yeah. There's no campaigns. There's no billboards.

There's fucking a lot of counseling to stop prostitution on the female side. I've never seen a take back tonight. This is terrible. These girls are getting used. This is terrible. They're being victimized and degrad seen a take back to the night. These girls are getting used. This is terrible. They're being victimized and degraded. Nobody cares about the boys. They do not care.

Those guys are sucking dicks all day long for cash. Nobody cares at all because no one's looking out for men. No one's looking out for men in this country. Do you remember Fat Eddie that used to hang out at the comedy store? Yes. The Mexican guy? Yes. Great guy.

It was his birthday and like everyone's buying him shots and it kind of goes along the lines of like everybody's protecting women you can't protect women enough no matter what like if a woman gets just shit faced you're like you don't have to do this you don't have to do this yeah listen no go home listen we're worried about you you're too drunk something. Something bad's going to happen. Dude, Eddie's doing shots. He's so drunk. He's like, I want to go to, I forget the name of the nightclub, which is After Hours.

I want to go there. Nobody's like, Eddie, don't do it. We're like, you want us to drop you off by yourself? He's like, yeah. The guy's throwing up on the side of the car. Nobody cares. Nobody cares at all. That Eddie might die in a dumpster. Yeah, nobody cares about male porn. Nobody cares at all. And he might die in a dumpster. Yeah, nobody cares about male porn.

Nobody cares about male prostitution. Nobody's looking out for men. Period. I got called a men's rights dodo. M-R-A dodo by this chick. It was someone we were talking about. Like, someone, the tweet had something to do with feminism.

And someone called me a male rights dodo. And I was like, what does that even mean? I had to look up MRA. It's male rights advocate or male rights activist. And I was like, wow. So someone who's a feminist can make fun of someone who's a male rights activist. That's hilarious. Like just that, that you would do that. Like across the board, massive generalization, male rights. That's like saying, Nope, men don't need any more help. Like, no, no, no, we're not going to allow that.

No, we want feminism, but no help for men. Like as if there aren't some crazy divorce laws. Everybody's heard of ridiculous, brutal, terrifying divorces where the men were essentially targeted. Targeted, roped in sucked in scammed and and no one's looking out for those guys i can't believe that it's almost acceptable in this country for women to try to get pregnant by famous guys like it's an acceptable practice that's well listen and they say he should know better he should know better maybe he should you're right maybe he should but it's not cute to support what's essentially criminal behavior.

Yeah. If someone's doing that, it's criminal behavior. Right. You know it. I know it. It's kind of weird. You know, a great example of what you're talking about is like anytime you hear a story about a woman cutting a man's privates off, you hear women laughing about that constantly.

Oh, I don't know about that i've never heard a woman oh i've heard girls joke about it that they think it's hilarious maybe really dumb ones that you're hanging around with that which is who i choose to hang out with but you hear people laugh about that if it went the other way nobody it would be like dude that's not cool i agree there'd be way more outrage if a guy cut off a woman's pussy, like cut it out, scooped it out. Right, which there should be outrage, but it should be outrage both ways. I mean, to cut off a man's genitals and put it in a blender is horrific. It is horrific.

That lady was really evil. And whether she was a man or a woman, that's just someone being evil to a person. And that's kind of my point. It's like, why wouldn't you be a male rights advocate? What about that guy that got arrested for rape, did four years in jail, and it turned out that the girl was lying, and now she has to do two months, and she gets to do it on the weekends. We talked about it the other day. It's a terrible case. This poor man, he was just the neighbor, and the girl got caught watching pornography by her mother. So she concocted this story that she was sexually assaulted,

and she said that the story just got bigger and bigger and bigger until it spiraled out of control. We talked to a guy on Greg Fitzsimmons' show the other day who was falsely accused of rape, and he went to jail for six years before the woman finally recanted. He has zero repercussion. He never got a dime from the state. All he got was an apology.

The woman never did a day of time. And it was a woman who he just got drunk with, and she didn't want to tell her boyfriend that she cheated on him. So she made up a story about getting raped. Famous. There's a football player who just got on Seattle. Yeah. It was in jail for five years. He was going to be like a five star athlete at USC. Yeah. And the same, the same situation. There's no repercussion. If you're not a male rights advocate in those instances, you're not a human. You're not a humanist. You care about women more than you care about the human race as a whole.

And the human rights as a whole, absolutely women need to be protected. But guess what? So do everyone. So does every baby. So does every adult. So does every young boy. When a boy is five, do you protect him? How about 10?

How about 20? 20 is where you stop? That's ridiculous. We're human beings. And that's what you're dealing with is someone lying and ruining someone's life. And that can happen on both sides. And you shouldn't, the idea that you could do like make fun of someone who's like looking and ideas, the true values and ideas of equality in terms of law and employment and non-discrimination, all those things. If someone actually made fun of that just because they didn't like women, that would be disgusting. It would be disgusting and misogynistic. But a woman can say that like male rights dodo or male rights advocate dummies. Like that completely dismiss the idea that there should be someone looking out for men's rights. But the idea is, the problem is, who's going to come forth and say we need to change those laws? Who's going to come forth and say, listen, if you want to falsely accuse someone of rape,

you have to go to jail for the exact amount of time that you could have imprisoned them for. Oh, I completely agree with that. You should. You absolutely should. Why wouldn't that be? That only seems logical. Because they're not looking out for the exact amount of time that you could have imprisoned them for. Oh, I completely agree with that. You should. You absolutely should. Why wouldn't that be? That only seems logical. Because they're not looking out for the human race. They're looking out for team vagina first. Yes.

And they'll even say that so many women are victimized that men should have to take the hit every now and then. False accusations are acceptable as long as we limit the amount because they pale in comparison to the amount of women that are raped. That sort of may be true, but it doesn't make them any less bad. They're still really bad, and it fucks up the entire positive side of it. It fucks up the entire pro-woman side of it. If you're willing to ignore the fact that a guy is unjustly victimized.

Yeah, I was talking, I had Tom Likas on my podcast. Tom Likas. The podcast. Tom Likas. The Naughty Show podcast. And he got in a lot of trouble because he would give out the names of the victims in these sexual stories when the story was coming out that they weren't being honest. And I personally don't think any name in a sexual assault case should be put out until a final verdict comes out. I don't know if that's realistic, but, I mean, especially today when anybody can accuse—

Well, having a final verdict like this guy's case where he was in jail for four years, he could have— I mean, he was essentially labeled as a rapist for four years. I mean, is it okay to talk about it then when it turns out four years later that it wasn't? I agree with that. I mean, personally, I would like nobody's name to be put out at all because, again, you could find out later on that they are innocent. But, I mean, just the accusation towards a man, TMZ will run with it. If you're somewhat famous, they'll say your name, bright lights everywhere, and alleged victim,

and you never hear their name. And I understand a point of that because you want women to come forward and not be afraid that their names could be splashed everywhere but let's not put the guy's name out until we actually know something down the line you know it's like it's interesting but when you're in a position like say if you're a famous basketball player or something along those lines like there's no innocent until proven guilty there's accuse them and then let them try to figure out how to exonerate themselves that it happens very often and And a lot of the times, it's just people that are crazy, that are making things up. You know, a lot of people don't know that Mike Tyson's story, when Mike Tyson went to

jail for rape, did you know that the girl who accused him of rape also had a false accusation of rape that she had to drop a year before that? Right. She had made up a rape story a year before that. Like, this wasn't a new trick for her. And I'm not saying that you know i don't know what happened or what didn't happen but mike tyson is incredibly honest about his background like what he did wrong what he did right how he was feeling why he did the

things he did and he maintains this day that he's not right i saw his one man show at the pantages it was phenomenal what did he say about that what? He said that he didn't do it to this day. He never did it. He has no reason not to lie about it right now. He's like, I'm being honest about everything else. I have no reason to lie right now. I believe him. And he went to jail for that.

And I'm not saying that it wasn't, you know, like Mike Tyson was out of control. I'm not saying it wasn't a case where there was a guy who was just like scaring the fuck out of people. He was. Look, you know put yourself in his shoes listen to his explanations of his life and you kind of understand where he was coming from i mean i think for sure he was a very very aggressive man but also for sure like how how aggressive could he have been that that is okay i mean how aggressive is it i mean because he is he scary so it's okay to make up a lie about him like when is it? I mean, is he scary?

So it's okay to make up a lie about him? Like, when is it okay? It's never okay, man. But to this day, that happened. He went to jail, and he's not the only guy. It's happened to many people. It's definitely, you know, one way towards one group than the other. And it's just horrible, man.

I mean, you're ruining people's lives. It doesn't have to be. That's the real problem. I don't think it has to be only the people that, you know, like the female, the weaker sex are the ones, and the weaker physically are the ones that get the compassion. Everybody should have compassion for everyone. Isn't there a term for women who are sexist against men?

It's like mestrechny or something. It's like, I forget the name of the word, Isn't there a term for women who are sexist against men? It's like mestrechny or something. It's like, I forget the name of the word, but there's actually a label for it. It's silly. I'm for everybody, man. I like everybody. I really am. If they're nice.

Yeah, 100%. If you treat people like a human being, I'm totally open to you. And I get it that women have to deal with a lot of douchey guys. I totally get it. I've been a douchey guy in my life. I think we all have. Trying to figure out who the fuck you are when you're 17 or 18 or what have you. Growing up, maybe you're angry. Maybe somebody catches you on the wrong day.

We've all said the wrong thing. It's part of learning how to communicate with people. So I can imagine being a woman, being pursued by a bunch of asshole aggressive shitheads. I could totally, I mean, it was never that, but I can get that. I understand that. I get why you would think the guy's disgusting if somebody raped you. I get why you would hate all men. I totally get it. I totally get it. But we're not all the same. Like no one's all the same. There's, there's nice women. There's nice men. There's nice people. There's people that enjoy each

other's company on both sides. On both sexes. And we have to unite as a race against shitty, angry, nasty behavior. Evil behavior. Victimizing people. All that stuff is the real issue. It has nothing to do with whether

it's women to men or men to women. It's gross on both sides. It's scary on both sides. A woman that's willing to poison her husband and kill him is just as scary as a man who beats his wife to death. They're both monsters. They're terrifying people. And they're both as dangerous as the other ones.

Sometimes you see these sentences where a man and woman commit a crime, the guy gets life, the woman gets three weeks in jail. You know why? Girls turn on the boy. Sometimes you see these sentences where a man and woman commit a crime. The guy gets life. The woman gets three weeks in jail. You know why? Girls turn on the boy. It wasn't my idea. This motherfucker's crazy. He's dragging me across the country.

Snitches get stitches. Did you see this? There's an article about this woman from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Do you know this? Oh, some kind of a... Yeah, housewife. Is she on trial? No, well, there's that one, too.

She basically says rape is okay. What? Yeah, she's... Melissa Gorga supports marital rape in her book. What? She wrote a book about her hot marriage, and it's hilarious shit, because they take all these passages, and her husband is just a savage. He's this guinea with a shaved head who wears leather pants, okay?

Right there, you're in trouble. The leather pants are shady shit right there. When you see him, I mean, look, ladies, that's a savage, all right? Look at the size of that guy. That's just how it goes and it's it's hilarious reading the book and i was reading it from a feminist site which is really particularly fascinating because they were fucking furious they were so mad you know he's this big meathead dude yeah and apparently he just bangs her like a drum and he doesn't accept no. I call caveman

fucking. Yeah, caveman fucks her. But she looks super happy. I was having a conversation I go to a dog park I got a pit bull and there's a bunch of other comics that have pit bulls and a bunch of female comics came up with their pit bulls to this dog park

and all they were talking about was dick. From the moment they got there to the moment they left, it was a conversation about dick and how they're planning dick and all this stuff. And they were talking about this one guy. She's like, should I fuck him? I'm like, yeah. Let him just caveman fuck you.

Just like knuckle drag, primate, fuck you. And they're like, let it happen, because that's what you want. You see these girls with these emos and these skinny jeans and these guys crying. That's not it. You need a nice caveman fuck. Some girls.

Some girls don't want that, Sam Tripoli. The point is some girls do. And everybody's mad at this girl because she likes it. She likes to get gorilla fucked by this savage dude. And people think it's horrible. It's terrible. She likes to give in to his requests. She likes to have dinner ready for him or he gets pissed.

And everybody's like, this guy's an asshole. You don't have to marry him. Okay, she's just telling you. But the problem is she's giving advice. And the guy writes in the book too. Listen to this. Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken, but trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while.

If your wife says no, turn her around, rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated. Women don't realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want. That is hilarious. That's really funny, man. Some people are into role-playing. I love that role-playing.

I love that cosplay. I think that's awesome. If a man comes home, there's no dinner on the table, and his wife is on the phone watching TV or on the computer ignoring him, he won't feel respected. What did you expect? It's Real Housewives of Jersey.

That's what works for her. It works for them. That's the point. It works for them. God damn it. What's your problem? People hate it. Well, they hate it because it sends out a message to other girls, you know, that they have to tolerate that shit. And you might not want it. But some people do. Yes, some people do.

Yeah. I mean, it's not my style. I wouldn't want it if I was a woman either. If you want to ape fuck your wife, ape fuck your wife. It's not even just ape fucking. I think you said rape. No, don't rape. No means no.

Unless you're role playing. Unless you're role playing. But no means no. It seemed like rape to me. It's just hilarious. It's really interesting. There's real passionate sex and there's maintenance sex. You need them both for healthy marriage.

Maintenance sex keeps the wheels greased, the lines of communication open, and the fights to a minimum. It's basically controlling a zoo like yeah like her her the way she handles being married is like being a zookeeper occasionally you got to feed the monkeys gotta feed the animals gotta keep the animals have to be treated with respect you know nothing wrong with that if it works for you. Yeah, she fucking seems really happy. If she's happy, you know, it should be like, this works for me. You might want to try it.

It's really interesting, man. It's really interesting. It's really interesting because you see how other people react to this person's life, and they're angry, you know. I think it'd be more funny than anything but i guess a site like like these feminist sites i guess their point is that this sends a really bad message i've always felt like there's a difference between progressives and liberals liberals are really open-minded to all all thoughts i don't know if you could be open-minded to everything but you're pretty much open-minded to different lives i feel like't know if you can be open-minded to everything, but you're pretty much open-minded to different lives.

I feel like progressives are a little more skewed way to the left, kind of way the neocons are skewed way to the right, where they have a certain vision of how the world should be. It's more of an idealistic view of the world, whereas it's like Rosie O'Donnell versus Howard Stern. I feel like Howard Stern and what he represents is more of a liberal base where he's like, he'll make fun of everybody. Whereas Rosie O'Donnell has a certain view of how she should see the world and it views progressive, you know, like feminism and all

that stuff. And I'm open-minded to everybody. I don't care if you're straight, gay, or whatever you're into, man, woman, whatever. If you're a cool person, I'm down with it. Yeah. I think the idea of progressive is just like anything else. Call yourself a Republican. Call yourself a Democrat. Call yourself a liberal. Call yourself a conservative. The reality is who you are is probably a gigantic spectrum of different things.

And to narrow it down to one or the other and to want other people to be like you is insane I idealism if somebody reads this and they have a problem that this woman lives like this personally Then if she likes it, what if she likes it? Is that okay? like I was looking at this Twitter page the other day and there's some crazy lady who likes to get ball gagged and She's like there's a smile behind his ball gag and that's she has she's showing her rope marks on her arms and she's like in a bondage and shit like that but that's what she's into it isn't real feminism like allowing all the full spectrum of of human behavior to choose in in in the the female mind

you know just like in the i mean it's a it's ridiculous. If this girl likes this and this keeps them happy. Well, it's like when they gave Palestine democracy and they got mad when they voted for who they vote for. It's like, you can't say, Hey, here's freedom to vote and then get mad at who they vote for. You know, it's like if you have freedom to choose and you choose something I like, doesn't mean that you didn't use it right. It's just the way it is.

There's also people have to acknowledge that Italians are not regular humans. They just have to, okay? They have to. It's a totally different type of human being. Italians? Yes. Are different than everybody else?

It's a completely different thing. They came from the Romans. There's thousands of years of savagery Behind these people All of a sudden they start making spaghetti and meatballs You think everything's going to calm the fuck down? It's not, it's not a normal person There's a big difference between

The savagery that lies in the Italian DNA And your average waspy type chick You know, who went to Columbia And wears Birkenstocks And is really tired of assholes like this Promoting this kind of bullshit Male patroness You know, what is that? to Columbia and wears Birkenstocks and is really tired of assholes like this promoting this kind of bullshit. Male patroness.

What is that? Different type of human. That's what it is. She needs a caveman. Look, there's no way you can tell me that Oprah Winfrey and Shaquille O'Neal have the same thoughts. They do not. Rosie O'Donnell and Shaquille O'Neal. Do they have the same thoughts? Does Michael Jordan think like Katie Couric?

No, the fuck he does not. Okay? We're different, goddammit. And what works for you might not work for them. What works for them might be awesome in their world. I always find that people want a world that plays to their strengths, and they want to outlaw what plays to their weaknesses. Yes, absolutely.

You know, they want a world that they're king, and then get rid of the people that make me play to my weaknesses and it's just it's so obvious when you see that when you know ideally it should be like everybody should be allowed if you treat your fellow human being nice you should be able to be who you want to be do what you want to you know it's like the naughty show is a great example there's some female comics who will not do the naughty show because they don't like that there's a porn star here and there. Even though I put more females up on my show than most people, I put more female comedians up on my shows than most people do. I find female comics very funny.

The ones that I like, there's some who go in there and just crush that room. But there's some women who will not even get on the stage because they just think it's it's degrading yeah degrading to women yeah i understand that thinking i know where they're coming from i don't agree with it i think you know it's it's very possible to be a porn star and uh be a feminist if you really love sex and you really i mean i'm not saying that every girl who does it feels that way but you could be you could be someone who really loves sex and you really I mean I'm not saying that every girl who does it feels that way but you could be you could be someone who really loves sex it really loves being like you know an exhibitionist and wants to fuck on business

in a brand almost how come a man's able to do it and we don't go looking to save him but if a woman does it like okay just I mean this is just throwing it out there just trying to objectively look at the full spectrum of human behavior and saying it is possible that it's not degrading for that woman. It is possible if it's just sex. I think it comes from the fact that there was a notion one time that women don't like sex, that women only give in to our sex because we want it, and they really want nothing to do with it. But the reality is they love sex as much as men love sex.

And I've been reading about all these girls pulling guns out on dudes trying to have sex with them. Did you hear about the Denny's waitress who robbed a guy at gunpoint, took his wallet, and made him have sex with her friend? Oh, God. At gunpoint. Yeah. He might have had a good time that night. I don't know, man. How ugly is that friend?

Did you need to pull a gun out? How did he get it hard? That's what's really important. Yeah, that's got to be a rough one. Guy's a that friend? Did you need to pull a gun out? How did he get it hard? That's what's really cool. That's gotta be a rough one. Guy's a bad motherfucker. He can get hard with a gun in his head. Yeah, I think... Some Quentin Tarantino porno. There's a lot of people that are really emphasizing

things that would benefit women. There's a lot of them that do think that men should be able to be whoever the fuck they want. And we should be able to choose. I mean, there's people that you get along with that I wouldn't. I get along with that you wouldn't. It's just a part of life.

We're weird pieces, and we don't fit together like puzzles. Sometimes you find people, and together they work. Right. Doesn't seem to make sense. And yeah, they might be broken. But guess what? You're a little broken too, stupid. You're not the perfect person. Nobody's's perfect i read this one article this woman was

talking about she she posted all of her hate tweets all the people that tweeted her and they were about various subjects all kinds of different things they disagreed with her they're insulting her and shitting on her she said but she says you know what um these people all have in common they all hate women it's like no no no no, no, no. They don't hate women. They don't like you. These people don't like you. You can't say they hate women. That's the biggest cop-out of all time.

Well, that's trying to control the thought and stop the conversation. That's like the low blow, like, okay, conversation, so you hate women. We're done. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And the idea that because someone hates you, they hate everything with a vagina is ridiculous. Right.

And especially when they're being very specific about what you said that's stupid. That doesn't mean they hate every woman. And that idea that you're going to get backup from every person with a double X chromosome on the planet because you said that is a silly parachute that people pull to try to stop everything. Control your thoughts. It's ridiculous. It's stop everything it's control your thoughts it's ridiculous it's weak and it's hacky and it's tired it's it's a really weak-minded way of of approaching any sort of a discussion you know you could you could show about how angry these fucking people are about various ideas which is true the anger that you see on twitter and on the internet it's unbelievable man there was there There was a thread today that I posted.

I posted it last night about climate change. It was just an article that I read. I think it was in Vice. Maybe it wasn't Vice. I'll find out. I posted something on Vice about the Pacific garbage patch. And there was this thing on climate change. And all I did was just put it up there,

and the topic was nine things that, or things that scientists are less sure of than they are of climate change. And all of a sudden, my fucking, it is on Vice, motherboard.vice.com. All of a sudden, my Twitter feed became this massive argument back and forth between people that are in total denial that we're causing climate change. Oh, yeah, these are the same scientists in the 70s that said we're headed to an ice age.

No, they're not. Those guys are dead. Okay, that's 1970, you dumb cunt. Yeah. That's a long-ass time ago. You think those fucking people are alive? 1970, that's 43 fucking years ago. You think those fucking people are alive? 1970? That's 43 fucking years ago. You think those people are still alive? People react

emotionally now instead of logically. They don't digest what you're saying and understand it might be a different perspective. It's like personal. It's not even emotional. It's ideologically. There's a left and a right. And people on the left think that climate change is done by man and that

we're accelerating it and we need to do something and carbon tax and all this shit. And people on the left think that climate change is done by man and that we're accelerating it and we need to do something and carbon tax and all that shit. And people on the right think it's just a ploy to get more taxes. People on the right say, look, if you look at the trends, the earth is warming and cooling. It's been going on forever. It is the way things have always been. Oh, well, how come the last six years have showed a cooling trend? And there's all these wacky motherfuckers that don't want to believe it. They're not scientists. They have real jobs. There's people that are studying this 20 hours a fucking day, every day of the week, and they don't really know what the fuck is going on.

And some dickhead with a regular job who reads the Wall Street Journal and pretends he's a player in the stock market because he day trades during lunch. This dumb fuck thinks he can tell you? Yeah. No, he's one of those weirdo right wing, you know, there's this what's good for business. And a lot of them are broke. That's what's really interesting about people that support big businesses and they have right wing ideologies. And a lot of them that will support these big businesses are getting fucked over by the same businesses on the regular. Isn't it called the lottery mentality where like even though even though people are broke they're like i might win the

lottery and then i don't want to pay taxes on that we're like well that probably not gonna happen well there's also that people don't ever want to think that they're losers they always want to think that they're just winners who haven't won yet so even if their life is shit it keeps falling apart and they never get it right one one day I'm going to get it. And when I do, these fucking pukes in Washington are getting a nickel. These motherfuckers, they don't work for shit. So interesting. You know, what they're trying to do is support the hippies.

To vote against your own interests is just so interesting. Yeah, this guy, Seth Bronstein, the Associated Press science correspondent, what he said was that the world's climatologists are now gearing up to officially proclaim that they are 95% certain that humans are to blame for global warming. That 5% gap may seem large. It is not. In science, nothing is 100% sure, not even the law of gravity. And according to this guy, Borenstein, there are a few things that scientists are just as or less certain of than climate change. And they are, one, that cigarettes kill. Two, the age of the universe.

Three, that vitamins make you healthy. And four, that dioxin in Superfund sites is dangerous. Wow. That's hilarious. dangerous. Wow. That's hilarious. Also, that string theory actually describes reality and that the rate of the universe expanded after the Big Bang. Those are other ones that the author has added. A little less certain about. This author, Brian Merchant. It's an interesting article. And it's a big point is that for whatever reason, people that don't really know want to jump up and say, look, I am no fucking climate expert by any stretch of the imagination.

I sort of get it, but I also, I know that there was, I mean, there's been ice ages without human intervention. There's been the period when the dinosaurs were here. It was a vastly different climate than we're experiencing right now. We obviously had nothing to do with that. That was an asteroid impact that changed our climate. All that shit happens, and it happens on a regular basis, And it probably happened 12,000 years ago. And it's probably what ended the last ice age. But these people that pretend that they know that we're not

causing some of it, you're crazy. Is it that you think that you would now get your news tailored to your views instead of like everybody watching like four channels now there's such niche news channels that just play to what you want to hear so it just reinforces what you're saying like there's no real evidence you don't hear the other side of the argument you only hear what you want to hear well there's certainly that that's certainly an option at least it is right now you know i think one of these days there's going to be some sort of technology where you could post something and it'll immediately be verified

as truth or horseshit. I'd love to see the horseshit symbol. Well, it seems like it should be able to... You should be able to post a statement and then have to put an S or an I. I is that it's just an idea.

Or F maybe it's just that it's fiction. Or S is a statement. If you want people to take you seriously. So if you go with S and you believe this, and then boom, it calculates all the known scientific data from peer-reviewed sources, and it just gives you a pile of horseshit that sits underneath your post.

That should be a graphic. This post has been shown to be horseshit. just gives you a pile of horse shit that sits underneath your post. That should be a graphic. This post has been shown to be horse shit. And that is something that would be really interesting. It would stop a lot of internet debate, like climate debate or this debate. There's a lot of it. You've got to Google shit, and you've got to find the post, and post it up, and, oh, that's a biased source. And it would be nice if there was a – and it will happen.

It's going to happen. Consumer reports, no bias, just boom. No advertisements, no nothing. Speaking of which, people on Twitter today were schooling me on Yelp. Some business owners, because I love Yelp. Yelp is such a great resource when you go somewhere. Like if you go to a town, you want to find out what the badass restaurant is. For the most part, it's super accurate. When you go somewhere, like if you go to a town, you want to find out what the badass restaurant is.

For the most part, it's super accurate. But apparently, two things that people showed me. One, which is kind of crazy, is that Yelp actually writes reviews. They have employees that even write bad reviews. What? Yes. And that if you have some shitty reviews on your site they'll actually ask you if you want to get those moved and they can like move them to the back for a price yeah they charge you they charge you per month and it's uh like these people were describing like being called like once

a month by the company and you know i mean i obviously this is one side of it and i would love to hear it's alleged the yelp side of as well because like i said i i use yelp all the time and i really like it but it said there was another thing that 20 of all yelp reviews are written by paid shills well i mean you can see that on iTunes comments. I mean, you can just... There's computer programs who just will make up fake comments. Well, you know what else they're doing. There's also people that are manipulating their iTunes numbers, especially podcasts, by re-uploading the same episode.

There's some way that they manipulate the upload process. Chris Gore was on my podcast. He used to me about he know he wouldn't name the names but he knows people who know how to manipulate it just so their rankings can go up yeah well that's how your rankings i have no clue your rankings go up by apparently the itunes thing has to do with posts and comments and it also has to do with downloads and also has to do with downloads. And it also has to do with new subscribers. And so people develop algorithms to kind of hack into this. Allegedly. Allegedly.

This is allegedly. By the way, this is not my thoughts. This is according to another podcaster who really was upset about it. He thinks that there's some shenanigans going on. I'm sure there is. Well, did you hear about that guy that he was buying Twitter friends? There's a service. And there's a comedian. He admitted to buying Twitter friends. There's a service and there's a comedian. He admitted to buying Twitter friends

and then last night he actually punched a reviewer. He was at a show. Did you hear about this? Yes. And I mean, it really kind of fucking mild shit that this guy got punched over. Oh, I've heard stories about that, dude. The guy who punched him? Oh, yeah. What's his name?

Whatever. You don't need to say it. Who wants to get sued? But I was actually on tour, and they were telling me a story about him. The guy who punches you will sue you. The story about him that he was famous. Oh, well, then if he's sued, I'm not going to tell a story. No, he doesn't.

You don't have to. He didn't say who the guy is. Well, what he would do is, like, if he found out you were the same kind of comedian as him an ethnic group right he found you the same time a comedian has and you got booked on this ethnic group comedy night what he would find out is he would call you up and he go hey i got this other gig that night it pays this why don't you do my show and you'd be like well i already got booked bum i'll offer you more money show? And you'd be like, well, I already got booked, but I'll offer you more money. You guys, okay. So you unbook that show. He'll call them up, get you booked on, book himself in your spot.

And then when the show comes up, he'll call you up and go, yeah, the show got canceled. I'm sorry. And then go do your spot in your show. Unless you've heard this firsthand, I wouldn't say that. Because that's. I just told me. I don't say that I just told me I just said it Can we edit it out? No we can't edit shit out It goes live

Yeah that's why I've heard the story So you punch this guy in the face This guy who is a I guess he's a Reviewer What does he review for? I'll tell you right now He reviews for Newsweek Daily Beast I guess he's a reviewer. What does he review for? Not the Huffington Post. I'll tell you right now.

He reviews for Newsweek Daily Beast. The Beast. Hilarious. I mean, it's hilarious. The guy was, you know, he was telling a bunch of hacky jokes. And so the dude talked about it on his Twitter and he came up to him,

asked him if that was his name, and just punches him right in the face. And then pushed him, and then came back and punched him in the face again. And what the guy said was really fucking mild. This is what gets you to punch the guy's name. It was funny until he dusted off his 2005 Katrina jokes in a gratingly bad GWB impression. That sounds like some criticism that started off saying you were funny.

You were funny and then you did a shitty joke. Or you were funny until you started telling jokes. Then he said he makes the umpteenth joke about how Asians can't distinguish between letters L and R. Election, erection, we get it. That's it. And then the next one is the guy just punched him in the face.

That's incredible. The guy's name is Josh Rogan. R-O-G-I-N. And no, I'm not talking about this because his name is Rogan. I'm talking about this because it's important. You shouldn't get punched because you say someone sucks. Who, by listening to Josh Rogan's tweets, pretty much fucking sucks. And if the guy's not telling the truth, I mean, if he made up this guy's tweets, it would be one thing.

But we could read them. We could see exactly what he said that got him punched, and it's pretty goddamn mild. Yeah, pretty tame. I mean, there's no hiding this. It's not like, he called me a gook and he says my mother's a whore. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It says right there. So if that's really how it went down.

We don't know how it went down. If I swung on everybody that criticized me on Twitter, I'd be Bruce Lee taking on 90 dudes at one time. So I was talking about the climate change thing is how goddamn angry people get on Twitter. People are so angry. And I don't think it's because of the words that they're debating. I think most of this anger is they're already on a short fuse because they're not happy with their situation, whether it's their relationship or their body or their job or their career or all the above. There's whether it's, you know, whether there's something they did wrong or whether there's something they haven't

done right, whatever it is. I think people are just inherently frustrated at their position in life. And there's, you know, everybody's anonymous. So it's like there's very little accountability. It doesn't come back to you. It only goes back to your page, and it stops there. That's why what ESPN has done is now you have to log in with your Facebook page because Facebook, you have to use your real name. They have to verify it's you, and you have to use your real name. They have to verify it's you, and you have to use your real name. So if you're going to comment somewhere, you have to put your name on it.

That's funny, but ESPN makes you do that? That sounds like bullshit to me. I don't like that. I do and I don't. I like accountability. I do too, yeah. But I don't think – It takes away a lot of trolling.

If you're going to say something, you're going to put your name on it. Yeah, and I guess it does if you're rep if you're representing a company like espn they do have a very a certain um reputation to uphold they got mad at me once i who espn yeah i said that uh i said that this dude houston alexander fights like he tried to rape his mother i'm sorry i said that but that's an old-school gym expression, unfortunately. As a person who's trained in fight gyms my whole life, that's a really common expression. It doesn't seem like it is, but it actually is.

Especially in the East Coast where I grew up in Boston. I have heard that so many times in the description of a guy. Dude, it's Disney, man. They suspended Tony Kornheiser because he said that one of the female reporters was dressing like she's 20 years younger. And he had to take a week off. Because ESPNs had a lot of problems. If you read their book, they had a lot of problems with sexual harassment way back in the day. So anything that comes even close to that is like, whoa.

It's just unfortunate when everybody has to act. I mean, it's one thing if you're saying something that's shitty, but it's another thing to act straightforward towards political correctness. Because if I said he fights like he tried to kill his mother, everyone would have been fine with that. He fights like he tried to kill his mother. Everybody would have been fine with that. He fights like he tried to kill his mother. Everybody would have been fine like that. But the sexual implications of rape are somehow or another off. It's just too much.

Violence and sex are just looked at two totally different things. Isn't that weird? It is weird. You go to see a movie and you see a dude kill 30, 40 people. But if they fuck and you see his penis go into her vagina,

people will explode. The thing that they want to do all day, everybody wants to fuck. This is what most people want if your hormones work. You want this. You want someone who wants to fuck you and you want to fuck them and you actually like them and they actually like you and you guys both like to fuck each other and you go at it. That's what people want.

Yep. What do people not want? To get killed. They don't want to get killed. But what can't you see? Can't see people fucking. What can you see? People getting killed.

Why is that? We're crazy. You know, we never hear about stories about spree sexist people walking into offices and just fucking having sex with everybody. You never see that on the news. But you see a guy going crazy and shooting everybody. Yeah. Nobody goes in the Navy Yard and sucks everybody's dick. Some chick went crazy in the news, but you see a guy going crazy and shooting everybody. Yeah, nobody goes in the Navy Yard

and sucks everybody's dick. Some chick went crazy in the Navy Yard. He went crazy, he went on a dick-sucking rampage. That is a really important point. We have this weird desire for violence in this country. And even though, in real life, we love sex and we want sex all the time,

you can't just blow people on TV. If they show anything in the TV show It's a kiss and maybe you start to point shows clothes off and then the fucking screen. Oh, yes the Sex and City stuff It's like passion passion next day laying in bed Could you imagine if there was a real incident where a guy? Came to like some police station and just sucked everybody's dick just gas the whole room pulls a pin throws it in there sleeping gas everybody falls asleep they wake up and the videotapes him just show him sucking every dick in the place

just he goes he's still unconscious these men were their families he just sucking their cocks he gives them all viagra anally puts it puts it in their ass, crushes it up. Crunch, crunch, crunch. The Russian chick? Yeah. Who, the guy walked into the beauty salon? Yeah, she made him fuck her. Oh, yeah.

Fucking, who has that much telephone wire available to tie somebody up and then just shove Viagra in it for three days? That dude let her. He's full of shit. It's nonsense. He's full of shit. It's nonsense. He's full of shit. He fucked her. Look, I just think even if someone gave you Viagra, if you didn't want to fuck them, you probably wouldn't get hard.

Viagra doesn't make you just get hard for no reason. You eat a Viagra, your dick doesn't just get hard. You have to get stimulated. I don't know, man. I've had some weird erections. I think he's annoying. He's probably just a dumb dude that wanted attention. She make me sex slave.

That was the worst Russian accent ever, by the way. Dude, you got a future in voiceovers. I don't think I do. Believe in yourself. I don't. I don't. Did you see that dude where they grew a nose on his face? Yeah.

Isn't that crazy? He had a bad car accident? Yeah. He's got a nose on his forehead? Well, he had a car accident, and then he got a nose infection. And in the middle of this infection, his nose actually, like, you know, you can get necrosis. You can get, like, a really bad skin infection, and your tissue dies off,

and they have to replace that tissue. Like, sometimes with staph infections, guys have to get that tissue like sometimes with staff infections guys have to get um there's the dude yeah but they're growing his nose right yeah yeah that's they're growing well you know that woman who was on the time magazine cover with her nose cut off do you know you remember that yes at the time whatever was a famous case of violence against women in afghanistan she was given away as insanely horrible she was given away as insanely horrible. She was given away as property. The parents owed money or something, and they gave her away. Oh, my God.

You know, having little girls, man, and the idea of that, about giving your little girl away to someone, is so horrific to me. It's so impossible to even imagine. I've been to Afghanistan. They are half-assed backwards. I'm sorry, man. It is medieval times over there. How many times did you go there? I went there once, and we were actually there when the big prison break happened.

That kind of changed the momentum of the war. They had this big inside job where 300 extremists got out, and they kind of changed it, and we couldn't leave right off the bat because of the whole thing but it happened while you were there yeah whoa what'd that feel like it was scary man i mean it was scary things but you know it's like if i do usos man i would prefer to go into a war zone and entertain the troops i just they're very appreciative and you feel like you're doing something for them so i'd rather go into that than go i've done bases on like uh guam where it just there's no and i'm glad there's no war going on there but it's just like they're just a base and they're okay with it but they're like yeah

whatever you know but you go into some we went to a base called the alamo because it was surrounded by locals man and they were so thankful. I mean, they were totally... Every joke just was this giant death jam laugh. Boom, boom, boom. Just huge laughter, man. I would much rather do that. Wow, that's really interesting. Do you still do it?

You still go over there? Just did one. We went to Bahrain. Wow. Where, like, all the missiles are in case Iran decides to, you know, get a little crazy. Well, that's the place where Amber Lyon got fired from CNN or left CNN because she did this detailed report on Bahrain,

and they turned it into like a tourist piece. Like, you should visit Bahrain. Beautiful downtown Bahrain. It's weird when you go to all these places how much American culture is everywhere. You know, Aaron Cater used to have a joke about that, about how, you know, like he'd go to the Middle East, do entertaining, maybe like, America is a paper tiger, you know, but what do you want? Do you want KFC? You want TJ Friday? And it's true. You go there, all of our stuff is everywhere. Yeah, those big corporations like Coca-Cola. McDonald's, Subway's,

Little Caesars. I mean, where's a Little fucking Caesars? It's in Bahrain, dude. Do you know that Subway is the biggest chain in the world now? Yep. Bigger than McDonald's? Surpassed it, yep. Isn't that incredible? Yeah, man. I mean, people like that fake meat, bro. Is it fake?

Oh, yeah. I mean, well, alleged. No, it's real meat. Get out of here. I mean, people like that fake meat, bro. Is it fake? Oh, yeah. I mean, well, alleged. No, it's real meat. Get out of here. I mean, you can eat it. What's meat? I hear it's processed. Of course it's processed. Yeah. Well, if you want it preserved. I love Subway, by the way. I don't want this to be like an anti-Subway thing.

I eat that thing all day, buffalo chicken, until I die. I was in Chichen Itza going to see the Mayan pyramids and we passed by this huge sign for Coca-Cola, a big billboard in the jungle for Coca-Cola. I was like, this is so weird. Right? Coca-Cola is in the jungle? It's really strange. Well, there was a whole thing that McDonald's had expanded as far as it could expand. You know, like these fast food chains, they make as much money on selling franchises as they do on selling burgers. And the one thing was that they had expanded everywhere they can. They can't expand anywhere else. Yeah.

There probably was no more spots where they could be and was viable. But Subway had a new niche. People wanted to get thin like Jared. Yeah. It's just weird because, like, weird because like in la like they they open they it's either chases chipotle's or starbucks someday they'll open a chipotle in a chase bank that's in a starbucks there's so many but the minute i leave la and i go somewhere i'm like where the starbucks you told me that um when you were in afghanistan they have man love thursday

man love thursday. Is that real? Yes. You saw it? Well, I didn't watch guys go buttfuck in the mountains. No, I didn't. Instagram that shit. Did people tell you about it? Oh, yeah. Ask anybody who was on tour who was on duty in

Afghanistan. Ask them about Man Love Thursday. They'd be like, hey, how'd you know about that? It's only Thursdays, though? I guess Thursday's butt fucking Thursdays so what does that mean? Thursday everyone's allowed to be gay? no they don't see it as gay they see it as like they see women are for procreation men are for fun

is that really true? according to what I was told over there and you can go into the mountains and they just and they butt fuck each other. And they're dirty too. I mean, just, just the idea of butt fucking. It was a harsh dirty.

Dude. I mean like they're, dude, I mean, they tried to build like, they tried to build these things for the pedestrians to walk up over the road, like a walkover. They would just go in there and take dumps and then leave. They didn't even use it to, as a walkover. Like they do in Vegas, you know, when you're walking on Las Vegas Boulevard, they have just go in there and take dumps and then leave. They didn't even use it as a walk over like they do in Vegas. You know, when you're walking on Las Vegas Boulevard, they have those pedestrian walk overs.

There's an article about it online. It says Afghanistan's male soldiers are having sex with other guys, but don't call them homos. Well, there was also something where like they were like their soldiers, they would have a young boy who would have to service everybody. Check this. And they had to tell the soldiers, don't have a young boy who would have to service everybody. Check this. And they had to tell the soldiers, don't get upset about that. What? Yeah, don't get involved.

That's their custom. Whoa. Well, we know their custom is that the young girl that died, she was sold away to marriage. She was eight years old. She died after having sex with the guy. Let's listen to this. died after having sex with the guy. Let's listen to this.

Afghanistan's, the article is in Queerity, free of an agenda except that gay one. Queerity.com, queer, like instead of Queerity, Queerity. How excited were they when they got that domain name? That's funny. We got it. I love the title too, free of an agenda. Can I use the restroom while you read this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.

And it's talking about, it says, Afghanistan's male soldiers have sex with other guys, but don't call them homos. And it says, it's really interesting. It says, America's gay soldiers have a unique struggle in their hands, whether to hide or be open about their sexuality. But Afghanistan's gay soldiers have a different battle. Despite regularly having sex with other men and shunning women,

many of these male soldiers refuse to identify as gay, which can get in the way of, say, preventing STDs. You need only watch the CNN clip below where three gay American troops speak of the need to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, which has been repealed now, I believe, to understand the difficulties of being gay in the U.S. Armed Forces. Let's see how old this article is.

It's from... Man Love Thursdays has its own post on Urban Dictionary. It's the article. It doesn't say where it's from here, unfortunately. It doesn't say what year. So it's before Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repelled. So I don't know. Hmm.

Repealed, rather. For these Afghan soldiers, however, having sex regularly with other men is no big deal. Just don't call them gay. An unclassified study from a military research unit in southern Afghanistan. That's a funny statement. An unclassified study from a military research unit in southern Afghanistan that's looking into gay sex details how homosexual behavior is unusually common amongst men, among men, in the large ethnic group known as Pashtuns. P-A-S-H-T-U-Ns, Pashtuns. Although they seem to be in complete denial about it.

Although they seem to be in complete denial about it. What's a new unclassified study of Pashtun meant? Oh, that's what the new unclassified study revealed. These men admire other men physically, have sexual relationships with boys, and shun women both socially and sexually. Yet, they completely reject the label of homosexual. The research was conducted as part of a longstanding effort to better understand Afghan culture and improve Western interaction with the local people. When you read shit like that,

and you read that people are dying over there, and you think the idea that they're going to try to change this, you think about what they do when they marry off 8-year-old girls, cut women's noses off, they do this kind of shit, pretend they do when they marry off eight-year-old girls, cut women's noses off. They do this kind of shit, pretend they're not gay while they're fucking each other and be homophobic at the same time. It's

absolute madness. It's reality your way right away. It's like custom-made reality. This is what they do. This is how they figured out their way around it. The Pashtun men interpret the Islamic prohibition on homosexuality to mean they cannot love another man, but it doesn't mean they can't use men for sexual gratification.

What an interesting little gray area they've found. Yeah, there's a little fine print right there. It's sort of like prostitution is illegal, but if a girl is naked at a strip club and she rides your dick and you come in your pants that's all good if if if prostitution is illegal but if I buy you dinner and then we have sex I spend the same amount of money on the date and then I have sex with you it's perfectly legal or pay for their their housing or something along those lines and just keep them on the payroll like that was there was a Kathleen Madiganleen madigan was here and she uh lives in this certain part of hollywood where they have

all these like really nice bungalows really cool small houses and she was like that's where the studio heads used to keep their mistresses they used to like put them up in these houses it was like so common that there was a whole neighborhood of that's hilarious stop and think about that i mean if prostitution is illegal what's going on there well there's a whole neighborhood of misters. That's hilarious. Stop and think about that. I mean, if prostitution is illegal, what's going on there? Well, there's that whole website, sugardaddy.com, where a lot of young female ladies from Hollywood are on, and it's guys with money looking for companionship. It's a good place to get poisoned.

What do you mean? If I was a chick that was looking to steal a guy's money and poison him, that's where I'd look. Go, uh... You gotta find your sugar daddy the old-fashioned way. Getting a sugar daddy on the internet, Jesus Christ. These kids haven't made... Whatever happened to old-fashioned interaction? You kids with your Tinder? Two people looking at each other

in the eyes. Not bad. Getting to know each other. Having an understanding, person to person. It's really primal now. Either you're pretty or you're not. Not just looking online. Not just being some creepy old dude with a credit card going, I'm willing to shut away. I will buy your rent as long as it's less than $2,000 a month. Right?

I don't have time for a woman in my life. I'm 73 years old. I like my balls licked. Well, when I was in Diego Garcia, which is this small island in the middle of nowhere. It's a military island. There's an island named Diego Garcia? And they don't know who that dude is.

That's ridiculous. Did they just run out of names? No, when they got there, that's the name of the island. Who named it? Whoever was there before them. It was some Portuguese explorer who just randomly found this island that's hilarious what a dickhead he named it after himself well i guess isn't that the idea of america america vespucci yeah i mean um i don't allegedly i don't know anything about

that there's a snopes thing on that i should probably look that up america snopes america can i think that's uh one of those things that's not true, but everybody always says it? Like one of them is that they used to burn witches. Did you know they didn't really used to burn witches? They didn't burn witches? No. They didn't burn witches, man. What'd they do?

They just hang them. Jesus. The burning of the witch thing is like this really common thing that's in our heads that they used to do. Apparently when the only time, uh, named, um,

the only time they did it on a regular basis was, uh, religious times during Europe, during, uh, like I think like during the Martin Luther time, I think they did a lot of burning. They burned people who didn't believe.

Or just were different. Or if you didn't like somebody, you could just call them a witch, and then they had to prove they're not a witch. Yeah. Which is completely random. Yeah, that's hilarious that you would have to prove that you're not a witch. Didn't they do stuff where it's like if you – like there was no way to prove you weren't a witch.

It's like they dunk you in water, and if you lived, you were a witch. If you died, you weren't a witch. So it's like, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. America, Vespucci. America. God, I need to get out in the sun. I keep looking at this, man. I need sunlight.

Look at this. You look beautiful. Fat vampire. Look at this. Just lose some weight. Oh, come on, man. The naming of America. You said it first. I'm a human being. The fuck? You said it first. I need sunlight. Look at this. You look beautiful. Fat vampire. Look at this. Just lose some weight. Oh, come on, man. You said it first. I'm a human being.

The fuck? You said it first. I have feelings. Snopes.com. Slow as fuck. Slopes.com. Slow as fuck. Shitty ass website.

For all your shitty ass information you need, it's slopes.com. Okay, apparently this is another story. Oh, God. This is too confusing. I'm not going to read all this. This is Okay, apparently there's another story. Oh, God, this is too confusing. I'm not going to read all this. This is TLDR. Too long, didn't read. I love that when I see that on posts.

Too long, didn't read. You hear they found water on Mars? What? Yeah, water discovered on Mars by the rover. The rover Curiosity. Substantial discovery made after analysis of soil samples from the planet's surface has uncovered water. Isn't that the whole thing about the Behold the Pale Horse? That they say we're going to go and colonize Mars?

Well, I think if people stay alive for the next thousand years, we will. I think it's going to take a long fucking time. And some crazy motherfucker is going to have to go over there first. There's going to be some people that will go over there, and it's a goddamn one-way trip, man. You're never coming back. You're going to go over there once, and that's it. That's where you live now.

Are you ready? Go. And if that doesn't work or you run out of air, you're going to suffocate via satellite, and we're going to get to watch it all on our phones. And that will be on LiveLeak.com. Oh, quickly. It'll be live streaming. The guy will die on TV just like the Challenger accident.

I mean, there's no way you're going to be able to stop it. No one's going to... The odds of them being able to get all the way to Mars and not a couple of people not make it, that's crazy. Well, dude, when they build a Las Vegas hotel casino, they average in three people dying. Do they really? Yeah. They assume three people are going to die along the way of building this hotel.

That's because those three people didn't know how to keep their fucking mouth shut. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure they take care of a couple people. I'm sure like the building high rises, someone slips, falls, calls it a day. Oh, no doubt about it. I can't imagine how many people are going to lose on the way to Mars. Well, I think I really like the idea of sending

robots. You know, the way they're doing it with this curiosity, they can learn a lot of shit they can they can do analytics on soil they can send back photographs and information they can do a lot of things without risking people's lives but as long as human beings is going to be the one person that wants to be the first guy that lands on mars he wants to be the neo armstrong of mars there's always going to be one of those guys there's always somebody yeah who wants to be the explorer. Sometimes, man, you get lost in the whole. I would have to say that I think if they're going to do that,

the first thing they would probably do is try that out on the moon. Try some terraforming, go over there, try to build some sort of structure. They've even figured out how to make walls using the sand and the dirt of the moon in a 3D printer. They figured out a way to bond this. Have you seen that, Jamie? There's photos of it. Yeah, a 3D printer used to build base on the moon.

Yeah, they've devised this 3D printer that they think they can transport. Printer to build base on the moon. Didn't they want to send, to send a married couple into space? Of course. And then halfway there, she gives up. She doesn't want to have sex with them anymore. She disappears. He goes all Melissa Gorga on him.

And then he winds up taking her, just like that guy in the book. Guy gave him some shit advice. Real Housewives of New Jersey. He rapes her on TV. Yeah, building a lunar base with 3D printing. This is what they're planning on doing. There's actually an animated thing. We can see the rover move.

But look at these photos. See this plan? See that photo of the honeycomb? But look at these photos. See this? This plan. See that photo of the honeycomb? This is the 3D printer is going to be able to make these walls that are essentially just some compound that's created with the soil. Wow.

Yeah. wow yeah it's a one that right there that photograph is a 1.5 ton building block that was produced as a demonstration of the 3d printing techniques using simulated lunar soil so they did it with something that would be like you know similar in consistency and the design is based on a hollow closed cell structure reminiscent of bird bones to give a good combination of strength and weight so they would fly this printer up there and then just start building these walls with this printer out of the lunar soil. Man, my printer always jams. That'd suck if you were up there and your printer jams.

Yeah, Epson sent you some new shit. Can you send me some? Yeah. Can we get some IT up here? Yeah, I need to clean my heads or something I'm out of blue ink well the idea is that you know they'll be able to they know that they can fly shit up there that can do this so they could actually send some sort of rover type robotic thing up there with these

printers and build these houses before we even get there. Jesus. They just flew, I think it was an F-16. They flew it as a drone. They successfully flew it and landed it, and they achieved supersonic speeds, all done completely as a drone. Where did it land? At Air Force Base.

Wow. Yeah, they just did this. Here, I'll pull this up. When do the robots take over? Well, it's getting close. That's my point. What about combining robots? I'm going to miss all the cool shit.

I'm born too early or too late? No, no, no, you're going to be fine. F-16 drone, yeah. An F-16, man, there's a video of it, too. Pull it up, dude. F-16 drone fighter jet flies without pilot. It's fucking incredible, man, there's a video of it, too. Pull it up, dude. F-16 drone fighter jet flies without pilot. It's fucking incredible, man. My point is, if they can do this, they can also get, I mean, they can get the rover to land on the moon.

They can also, or on Mars, they can also get one to land on the moon. They can get something more complex now because the rover's a few years old now. And, you know, who knows what they're going to have 10 years from now. They're going to have, like, look at this. This is a fucking jet flying with no one in it. They're doing it all completely remote. Look at that. That's insane. Is that good or bad for us?

Not good. Right? Not good. I'm just, dude. That's bad for humans. It's bad for mankind. Well, these things are going to start thinking. I mean, right now it's just stupid.

But one day they're going to make one that's really fucking smart. And it's going to be like the Cars cartoon where they talk to each other. I don't want to bomb Iraq. Do you want to bomb Iraq? Let's fucking bomb D.C. This ends bad for mankind. I mean, do these guys watch sci-fi flicks? How do you call yourself a test pilot if you're on the ground?

Because it says test pilot. This is why I became an engineer. This program is, to me, the epitome of my career. This is what it was all about. I mean, to be able to take this airplane. Enslaving mankind. Yeah, our robot overlords. That's what it's all about.

God. Yeah. You know, when the opening sequence of the Terminator movie, the first one where the Terminators are walking around, you see them stepping on skulls and stuff. You see those giant flying robots. Like, that's drones, man. Yeah, 100%. It's real.

It's all coming. I mean, whether or not they're actually going to be against humanity. My feeling is robots, unless we program them to have survival instincts, won't. So they won't see us as a threat. I don't think they'll have any biological instincts at all, like the need to survive, the need to stay on or be on or off. I don't think, unless we program them with those ideas, they're not going to have those ideas naturally.

I don't think those are natural ideas. I think those ideas have been sort of like they've grown inside the human animal from a long long long life on this planet in various forms from single cell to multi-cell to mammal to you know ape to whatever the fuck we are now it's a long ass process how long till chicks start banging robots real we gotta compete with robots real quick they're already banging robots they already have like sibians and dildos. Men just got the flashlight really recently.

Yeah. And the flashlight is totally manual. You got to grab it, stick it in your head. You got to do it all yourself. Women have things that fuck them. Yeah. They have things that will fuck them. They have vibrators now in CVS.

Women can buy vibrators and put it on and drive home. Yeah, they have those back massagers things. Big round rubber ball back massager things. Just robots beating the bean. Doing nothing. Chilling out. It's gonna happen. There's no way you're gonna be able to stop that. Gonna come home and your girlfriend's getting shagged by

a transformer. You're fucked. If robots are created by women, that's when we're gonna be really fucked. Because they're gonna make robots that are exactly the way they want a man. Just sensitive with big dicks? Just weak bitches. Just weak bitches that listen to them. Skinny jeans?

I mean, if you could allow really angry feminists to program robots to be, a male robot to be anything they want it to be, how would those guys be? Would they be really sensitive and just fun to be around and really nice? Or would they just be slaves? Meek. Meek, little, emo. Alt comics. Pale.

Alt comics. Guys that just stand there in front of the microphone and don't even move. Mentally easily to push around. Alt comics. Male feminist comics there's just the male feminist it's just i don't know why it's all it's everywhere it's all it's what you said earlier is that people don't want to they don't want to catch up they just want to stay lazy and they want everybody else to slow down too yeah it's it's dumbing the masses it's

not even dumb a lot of alt people aren't dumb. They're very smart. No, they're very smart. They're just weak. I think sometimes clever is more important than funny sometimes. Well, they're trying to play to the back of the room a lot. There's a lot of that, you know. I think you see that a lot.

Like, oh, I watch something like, wow, that's clever, but I'm not necessarily going ha, ha, ha, ha, ha out loud. Well, we had Matt Fultron in here, and he was talking about how that kind of like fucked him up in his career because he used to write for the back of the room. He wasn't writing for the crowd. And then he realized once he started going on the road, like, oh, I fucked up.

Like, I'm writing for a bunch of people that are like cynical and they've heard every joke in the book and they don't really want to see comedy anymore. They want to see something unexpected. Animal attack. They want to see something unexpected. Animal attack. They want to see something unexpected. They want to see something that's not really stand-up comedy. They want it to be ironic.

But when you pay money to go on the road and you're in Buffalo and you've got to do stand-up at a comedy club, that ironic shit ain't going to fly. Nope. He was saying that he found that. I was like, oh, I was writing jokes for comedians. I wasn't even writing for humans. Well, it gets interesting when you do every level of comedy.

Like open mics, you're playing the comedians. So you kind of got to learn. That was a big thing for me because I did the first five years I did stand-up comedy, I just played bars. I mean just like roadhouse bars. Did you start in Vegas? Yeah. Just this crazy bar. I couldn't, at that time they weren't letting locals play the comedy clubs

because they could just fly out comics from L.A. So we had to make our own scene and I would just find crazy bar gigs. Like anywhere I could perform. Like we would go in between bands. Like you'd have bands, like hard metal metal bands playing bring out the comedians and i would have to go out and just deal with all the hecklers shut them up and then bring the other comedians on we would take any kind of gig like that now when do you when you started what year was it oh like uh i've been doing it for like 16 years so like 90 96 97 whatever you say 96 97 what was the scene like in Vegas like how did

you start out dead how would you start out if you're if when I started there was one open mic every other week in the entire city there was nothing nobody who had been working at been doing it and I was like I gotta get up so I I just decided to create my own comedy gigs and what I would do is I would just every night I would find a dead bar I'm like your bar's dead let me have the night and I'll get it going and I would create an open mic in which I would host and I would do you know get the crowd going deal with the hecklers bring up the comedians and then I had my own uh improv troupe which we started and we got into uh all the station casinos so i had open mics going one place my improv troupe performing another place and

that's just how i uh perform forever that's very smart man that's very genius of you it's kind of how i am right now it's like i i have a certain certain style of comedy i like to do so i create my own environment in which to do it at which is you know the naughty show or the you know uh comedy rap battles and stuff like that i just that's why i enjoy doing so i create a brand that's very smart of you though it shows a lot of get up and go that you go all right you know what someone's gonna do this let me put this shit together i wish I could play a little more ball, too. I'm so focused on creating my own things. I'd like to do just the normal stuff, too. But I really enjoy these shows. It's what I enjoy doing.

That's why I'm very passionate about it. There's nothing wrong with that. What I'm saying is it showed a lot of get up and go on your part to start these nights and put these things together and have comedy shows where there was nothing else there going on. A lot of other people go, I can't do it in you know you that was a very ingenious sort of a way to work around you know i just very industrious of you like so there's a way around this yeah i go if no book me and there's no shows i gotta make my own shows i was just you know it's very

blessed that growing up uh we didn't physically fight with each other we just racked each other we were like verbally vicious. All my buddies in high school, all of them were like victims of divorce. They were kind of hurt children in a weird way. They had a weird family. They came from loving parents, but the parents were divorced. It affected them. They were kind of like hurt children.

So we were vicious with each other. I remember moments where we'd go to a local pizzeria, Pantillo's, and whoever got sat in the wrong seat, you were going to get pounded on all night by everybody, and they wouldn't let you up from the booth, and it would just boom, boom, boom, and you would just get vicious. And I just learned to not take it personal and just hit back.

And to this day, that's really helped me with hecklers. I don't really think. I just react now. So yeah, I know, I don't really think. I just react now. So, yeah, I mean, I had always had something like that. It was just where I came from. Do you find, though, that when you're dealing with an actual polite crowd that wants to hear material, they're like, hey, how come no one's throwing anything at me? Yeah, it is weird.

I have to learn to tell them how much I like them, too. That was my transition. I had a problem with that when I went from bars to do nicer clubs. Comedy clubs, it's a different transition. I was ready. I was like, not ready, but I was used to combat comedy. I didn't do what you did. I never created my own thing, but I did a lot of bars. We did a lot of bars, but they were already created for me. I got super lucky. I came along in Boston in the eighties. There was so much work in town that you never had to leave. You could be a full

time professional comedian and work from one to two and a half, three hours drive at the most for gigs. And you would work almost every weekend, every day. I mean, you could do whatever you wanted. There's so much work during the weekdaysdays, mostly free stuff, where you would take your time and get tight. But then on the weekends, and a lot of weekday gigs, there's just drive to New Hampshire, drive to Western Massachusetts, drive to Maine, drive to Attleboro, drive to Marlboro, drive to here. And you got used to these really fucking terrible places,

standing on top of milk crates, and nobody's paying attention, and the hockey game's on. I went to Montreal before I ever played a real, before I was a regular at any comedy club. When you say Montreal, you mean the festival? Festival. I just came to L.A., and I was just a ball of fire,

and I got picked up, and they brought me to Montreal. I didn't even know what it was at the time. The only time I'd ever played at a club was about a year before I'd opened for Nick DiPaolo at the Riviera, which was booked by the guy who eventually went on to be on the Sopranos. Steve Schirrippa played Bobby. Yeah. The big guy. So that was the first time I ever played at Sharippa played Bobby. Yeah. The big guy. So that was the first time I ever played a comedy club.

I never really played. Great guy. Steve Sharippa's awesome. You know what, man? Once in a while, I rub people the wrong way. I don't know why. Just people in authority, I make them nervous. But there's certain people that were notorious for being prickly.

They were always really, really nice to me. Like Dan Murr in Tempe Improv. You'd always hear these crazy stories about him, but he was the nicest dude to me. I was so thankful for it. And Steve Schrippa was the same way. Like this guy who was notorious thorny dude, nice dude but could bust some balls, always really nice to me.

Schrippa is just fair. If you were a douche, he would just call you on it. That was what it was. You're not a dickhead. He's fine with you. I never had a problem with Schrippa. He's a great guy. Was just really you on it. That was what it was. You're not a dickhead. He's fine with you. I never had a problem with Shreve. But he's a great guy. Was just really nice to me.

Gave me spots. Made me feel like I had a chance in something. I was the first comic to ever get booked twice at his club out of Vegas at the time. And it was just such an amazing feeling. And working with DePaulo was just like who I'd always looked up to. It was real fun. It was great because I was performing with him, and he was having a fight with his girlfriend at the time.

I mean, a full-on brawl. Before he got on stage, they'd be screaming at each other, go up, unperform, get off stage, tell me what a great job I did, and then go back to arguing with his girlfriend. I've got to get him on. He's got something coming up. We've actually been going back and forth with email. Whenever he's in L.A. again, we'll definitely have one.

One of the funniest dudes, man, had some of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. What the fuck happened with him and Artie Lang? Do you know what happened there? No, I was just told that, you know, he wanted to talk more sports and Artie wanted to just shoot the shit, you know. Really? That's all I heard. That doesn't seem right.

Seems like Artie loves talking sports, too. You know, you can't, like, I don't know. Who knows? I have a really great sports podcast, too, called Punch Drunk Sports. You don't like my sports podcast? Just kidding. You can't say I have a really great anything. I do.

When you say I have a really great show. I do love it. I love it. I do with Ari and Jason Tebow. And that's kind of like, people like it. It's a sports podcast, but they like when we talk about anything but sports. It's, like, really weird. You know, people like talking it's a sports podcast but they like when we talk about anything but sports it's like really weird oh you know people like talking about anything man they like people that talk about shit that's interesting and sometimes if you just had a sports podcast talked only about

sports it wouldn't be as exciting as a sports podcast that mostly talked about sports right but if somehow other shit came up and it was interesting and you go ah we can't talk about that that's the beautiful thing about having a podcast. Nobody can tell you that. You can do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to do it. Yeah, I love it. I love the uncensoredness of a podcast. I love it. I love podcasting.

I love podcasting almost as much as I love doing stand-up, and I love doing stand-up. But I love talking. I'm with you 100%. I agree with you. I like just saying my opinion. I have opinions, you know? And saying my opinion. I have opinions. You know? And some people get really mad at me.

They get so angry that I don't share their opinion. But it's just like I'm just talking. That's always going to be the case, man. There's always going to be a bunch of people that get pretty pissed off. They do. They get angry with me. People are real rigid in their ideas, man. They wish me death.

People are rigid in their ideas, Sam Trimpley. I'm just in the middle of nowhere. I don't agree with you. The things they say to me. Climate change is not real. Right? It's just the things they say to me. You fucking moron. They're so vicious. I think a lot of times they just want you to respond. That's exactly what they want.

But I would never. You know, back when I was growing up and I met somebody famous, I would never be vicious to them like that. Can you even imagine, though, what it's was growing up and I met somebody famous, I would never be vicious to them like that. Can you even imagine, though, what it's like growing up in this age where anybody you like, you just reach out and tell them they're a cunt? Well, it makes nobody famous. There's nothing to spy. No, that's not true.

It certainly makes people that other people talk about a lot. You know, if you're Puff Daddy, you're famous no matter what era you live in. The difference is you're no longer beyond reproach. Someone can get a hold of you and go, your fucking album sucked, a big fat fucking pile of shit. Fuck you, you're queer. You can say whatever you want. I said that about Eminem.

I didn't say he sucked. I watched him on that college football halftime show, and I go, well, it looks like Eminem's back on drugs, so the new album should rock. I just tweeted that. And, dude, looks like Eminem's back on drugs, so the new album should rock. I just tweeted that. Right. And, dude, every fake Eminem Twitter account just started blasting me. Like five or six of them just started calling me out.

And it was just some random – I didn't even hashtag Eminem. And I just – and it wasn't even Eminem that said that. It was just random people. Fake Eminems. Eminem fans. Well, you put out a little hate. You got a little hate back. I don't think that was hate.

I said it was going to be a great album. They don't want to think that it's the alcohol or the drugs that fuel the creativity, Sam Tripoli. And I don't think it does either. It comes from the genius. I think it's genius. You just happened to be fucked up when you came up with the idea. Well, you've seen the video. Folks who haven't seen the video, Jamie, pull up that, just the video of Eminem tripping.

So people could say, like, Sam Tripoli wasn't talking out of school. I mean, he, like, went way out of his way to look really fucked up. I mean, he was working it. Are you talking about the... The video of Eminem. The one that you commented on.

Yeah. It was like... Yeah, that's like the Molly is hitting. Well, he leaned forward and everything. His mouth dropped. Look at him. Some of you may know him as. Like, come on.

I've been there. His mouth is wide open. He's leaning forward, like severely leaning forward. He's rolling his eyes side to side. I've been there. I've been on shrooms. I've had that moment where I'm like, is this real life? Is this his video they're playing?

They probably played a cut for it. He was joking around. Obviously joking around a lot. Maybe. I don't even care. I'm not judging. He's barely paying attention. Some old dude with a fucking suit on.

Brett Musburger, who's great. He's just like one of those old guys who just doesn't give a shit. One of those old football guys. Yeah, now he's done. He's done now. Now he's back to normal. Yeah, man, you put some hate out there, Sam Tripp. You got it back. You say it's hate. I say it's love.

I ain't judging. Who am I to judge? I've done my party and my day. Well, the point is that there's a lot of hate out there online. Well, there's a lot of emotional reaction to the hate. People want you to think their way. They want you to like what they like. They don't digest. They just see a word and they just react to it.

You see Adam Levine and Lady Gaga got into a little Twitter beef. And Lady Gaga owned him. Really? With one line. Because Adam Levine was like criticizing some of her work. Like, you know, hey, I'm proud. He was like, I'm proud to do pop music, but this is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so, you know, something about art.

And so she comes back on. She goes, oh, look what we got here, guys. It's the art police. Yeah. Oh, guys, the art police is here come on look at his quote i unabashedly love writing and performing pop music for both myself and in capital letters everyone around me that's it it doesn't need any extra sauce shut your hole God. Shut your dumb hole. That's really funny, man.

That's really funny. She's had some beats with a couple people. Yeah, whatever. Her and Chris Hilton and Madonna, the three of them were going at it. Oh, look at his quote. Scroll that up. What did he say? Me thinks those dost protest too much. Yikes.

Shut the... Thou dost protest too much. Yikes. Shut the... Thou dost protest too much? Shut up, dude. By the way, I'm not an artist. I sing in a band, and I make music with my friends. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's a self-inflicted wound right there.

Well, not only that, what he just said, I'm not an artist. If you're not an artist, you need to shut the fuck up. If you're singing and you're not an artist, what are you doing? And I don't feel like she protested too much. How is that, though?

How is he not an artist? Are we pretending? Yeah. Who shits on themselves? Are you pretending that singing is not an art? Why are you pretending? Are you being self-deprecating there? I just feel like he shit on himself.

You just basically say what you're doing is not artistic. It's foolish self-deprecating behavior is what it is. Deprecation. Oh, man. He put out that one album where he just broke up with his girlfriend. Obviously, she ripped his heart out. And it was a pretty good album, but the whole album was about her basically breaking her heart, man. Breaking his heart?

Yeah, the other way around. Whatever. He's a dick. There's just that? That's silly. Why do you give a fuck what Lady Gaga sings? I don't know why white guys...

I shouldn't say he's a dick. Maybe he's a nice guy. He was drunk. Maybe he fucked up. Maybe he's in a bad frame of mind. I don't know the guy. It goes back to your joke about all these sensitive

white band guys. There's a lot of that out there. A lot of those guys that get into that position, too. There's a lot of that out there. A lot of those guys that get into that position too. There's also the thing that happens when people get into that sort of position of prominence where they feel like they have to stand up for their idea of what's right. So him shitting all over her music. Like, come on, I unabashedly perform pop music for myself and, in capital letters, everyone around me. Like, come on.

Just that sentence shows me you're not that bright. That's a not very bright sentence. It's like comics who call out other comics on, like, material and stuff like that. Oh, you can't do those kind of jokes? Yeah, what do you give a fuck? I've never called out anybody for anything other than stealing. That's why I agree wholeheartedly, brother. That's the only people I've got problems with.

We both have friends that suck. We know them. There's a few that hang around the store. They've always been terrible. They're always going to be terrible. I hug them every time I see them. I don't care. Right. As long as you're nice. As long as you're nice offstage, I don't care how you are. As long as you don't get crazy and want to ask me advice or

try to get me to rewrite your jokes. Get alone. There are some bad conversations that I've been. How do you think I should fix that bit? Like, oh, come on, man. This is not even possible. I can't help you here. Yeah, it's hard to tag somebody else's stuff. Not just hard to tag.

How do you make something funny that's not funny at all? Right. And someone comes up to you and, I'm having a hard time with this bit where I eat babies. I can't fucking clean it up. The problem with me is I've watched so much comedy in my life i can see when the tricks are coming there's tricks comics do some tricks not judging them it's just the way it is it's jedi mind tricks it's whatever i can i've watched it for so long i if i know your act before you walk on stage i just can't watch comedy it's very hard for me to watch comedy right now unless it's someone i've heard a lot about saying that i don't know what the fuck you're

talking about i gotta be honest with you you're saying that and i experience just the opposite i just can't watch i think you're very around a bunch of shitty comedians maybe that's it maybe i need to find a a funnier group of people but that's no really you're you're you're at the you're doing some shows like some of those late night spots at the store or whatever, open mic nights in certain places. You can get around a bunch of tricks. Right. You're not supposed to watch those.

You know when those guys are there, you get out of the room. I just can't watch comedy. That's not true. I've tried it. If Joey Diaz is going on stage, you're going to watch him. Right. I can watch him, but those are the legends. But it's very hard for me.

And I'm not saying I'm anything better than anybody. I'm just a dude doing stand-up, but it's just, I can't watch it. Well, just don't watch the bad stuff, dude. It's not that difficult. I wish they'd tell me when they're bad so I don't walk in and see it. Well, you're going to get that. People are trying shit out. They're trying to get good.

You're going to get bad. Yeah, it happens. Don't dwell on it, though. I don't. Don't dwell on it. Don't be all like fucking Adam. Whatever his name is Who get all Lady Gaga with people and what's his name? Levine pretty pretty bastard. I love this thing for the ladies tough to go through life being that handsome and not just get a delusional

Sense of your own intelligence people like you so much beautiful cheekbones Just girls just skin perfect everything you want Just can cross it off your list Yeah All your sexual Must do's You got Mmhmm God

Must be nice Or not It's not natural You know You might be better off Being a chimp Better off Doing an old school

Primate style That trickery Of like being on a screen Singing a certain song Having them all going crazy And throwing panties at you That shit's unnatural When it comes down to it He's got weak genes Look at the shit he's writing His little pea brain of being on a screen, singing a certain song, having them all going crazy and throwing panties at you. That shit's unnatural.

When it comes down to it, he's got weak genes. Look at the shit he's writing. His little pea brain. Do you think he's writing it because that's how he feels or he knows that's what will sell? That statement that he said is a dumb statement. The whole thing about I unabashedly make pop music, that's just something a dummy says. I'm not saying he's dumb.

I mean, he might not be dumb. Maybe it's just tough to get your expression out 140 characters yeah but what do you get in it is it is you know it's way easier to do this I mean think about some of the shit that I've said so far that I had to clarify and just the explaining myself about him you're great with footnotes you explain something you have footnotes leave Lady Gaga alone first of all this is what you should pay attention to with Lady Gaga her tremendous ass that should, this is what you should pay attention to with Lady Gaga. Her tremendous ass. That should be it.

She loves showing it, too. That should be all you're paying attention to. Pull those pictures up of Lady Gaga's ass from the Grammys. And listen to me, Mr. Levine. If you're concentrating on her singing, you're doing it wrong. Okay? What you should be concentrating on is the fact that her and Miley Cyrus had an old-school South Park slut-off on the Video Music Awards,

and Lady Gaga dominated her. She dominated her without any of the tongue sticking out, without any of the stupid shit with the foam finger, just with this tremendous body she has. Oh, that's target. You get it? Yeah. Pull that shit up.

Look at this. Dude, come on with your bad self. Look at her ass. Give us a full photo. There's some great pictures where you see the whole body. Her body's in tremendous shape, man. That is a great ass. Oh, my God.

Dude, her body's insane. I want to breathe through it. She wins. Her body wins. I just want to breathe. Why are you talking about her singing? If you don't like it, don't like it. But why would you complain about that?

I guess it was like some music video she did that showed various art styles or something. I don't know what the fuck it was all about. Who cares? Look at her ass. That's the comparison between us. That is hilarious. It's rude. My side of the story.

Well, you know, my side. I was talking about it on stage. She's got fuck you money. That's a fuck you thing. That's all that was. That whole thing was. She probably just threw it stage. She's got fuck you money, and that's a fuck you thing. That's all that was. That whole thing was, she probably just threw it together. She's young. You know, you shouldn't be that famous when you're that young.

You're 20 years old, you're trying to find yourself, and you're doing it on television like that, and someone allows you to put that together and do that on television. Or maybe she likes it. Who knows? Maybe when you're 20, that's cool. I love fuck you money. I love her big, dumb teeth.

You remember when there was things that you liked when you were young you know there were certain comic books you like looked forward to and if you had to read them today you'd be like what is this piece of shit but back then you loved them maybe that's what it's like for her she's 20 years old right what she thinks is awesome might be that 100 she might like watch that every night and go i fucking knocked it out of the park i was was watching Ghostbusters the other day. It's still a great movie, but I remember when I was a kid watching it, how my mind was blown at how funny that movie was. Well, that's a different time, though.

There's a thing about comedy. Comedy has a very short sort of lifetime to it. And then if you go back and try to watch some comedies from a long time ago, a lot of them don't hold up at all. You could see, like, even Blazing Saddles was a great fucking movie. You go back and watch it today and compare it to something like, did you see The World's End? Yes. Fucking hilarious.

It was an awesome movie. It was a great movie. Here's my thing about The World's End. movie. It was a great movie. Here's my thing about The World's End. I think that put the end of the whole rape joke controversy because they do a five minute bit in there about a rape joke and

nobody said anything. So I'm like, okay, that's cool. It was hilarious. It was five minutes. Wait a minute. Where? Is that the one with the bar or is that the one with Seth Rogen? I thought you were talking about the one with Seth Rogen. Jesus Christ. What did you see? That one, what was the, this is the end?

This is the end. That was hilarious. This is a totally different movie. Did you not like that one? I love that one. I didn't see that one. I saw the world's end. It was very funny.

The world's end is the robots and the pub. I haven't seen it. I'll go watch it. I'll come back with a book report on it. Jesus Christ, Sam. Well, those guys are funny. Yeah. Did you see this?

Yeah, dumb and dumber, they're doing a reunion. 20 years later. Yeah, that's not necessary. That's a mistake. He beat out at the Emmys. He beat out Breaking Bad. Who did? Jeff Daniels?

Yeah, his character on Newsroom. Newsroom. Oh, that's right. That's the same guy. It's hard to remember that that's the same guy. When you see him there with this silly look on his face. I don't want to watch this. Who knows, though? Is it the Farrelly brothers still?

Yeah. We have to look up. Don't probably me. There's a fucking computer in front of you. Google it, son! I'm pretty sure it is. Probably in 2013. Yes, sir. Yes, it is. Well, if it's the Farrelly brothers, that makes sense because they know what the fuck they're doing. That's their movie. Maybe they can do it again. They were supposed to put out the movie, but then

that Magician movie didn't do that well So they pulled funding on it Even though that magician movie was hilarious I heard that Burt Wonderstone is hilarious It's hilarious dude I heard it's really fucking funny I watched it on the flight The international flight

Where they give you like 90 movies to watch And that was one of it And I'm like this is really funny Why didn't it go? What happened? I don't know dude who knows I don't know how they market it i don't know man what's his face steve carell's a great great comedic actor i don't know how well

some of his movies do but he's a great actor yeah that movie for whatever reason just didn't seem appealing when it was out in the movie theaters to me either i thought it was the way it was marketed or something maybe i don't know man but it, and let me tell you, Jim Carrey murders it in that, he is so good in that movie. Is he the magician? He's like the bad guy magician in it. Oh, all right. I need to go see that. It was great, man.

It was a great movie. I watched it on a plane, but I didn't watch all of it. But I was howling. I couldn't watch all of it, though. And he was great. Jim Carrey was great in Kick-Ass 2. Yeah, that was good. I love Kick-Ass.

Kick-Ass 1 was one of the best movies I've ever watched. I did not see Kick-Ass 2. It's good. It's good. Number one is a little better, but that's hard to beat because it's such a great movie. Yeah. But that little girl in that movie is so smart. There's some of these child actors, you're like, man, how do they grasp that kind of emotion?

Because they're brilliant. They all go on Harvard and Yale to school and stuff like that because they're way smarter than the average kid at that age. Well, I don't think it's hard to act, man. I think there's a lot of kids out there that can do it. I honestly do. Yeah, but I think there's some kids you see that they're just playing a kid. And then you see there's some who like have the moment. That girl who's also in Let Me In, she's incredible.

Yeah, she's really good. But I don't think that it's that hard to do. Okay, I'll give you that. I did a movie this year, and I'm like, oh, I should have done this before. But some of these kids are just able to just nail this very adult motion. Yeah, no, they definitely are, especially if it's really well written and they're really smart. I met Dakota Fanning, is that her name? Really young girl once.

Very, very smart kid. Very smart. She's another one that was a brilliant young actress. But I always get weirded out by the idea because, like Miley Cyrus, I think everybody should be able to do whatever the fuck they want to do. However, are you sure that's what you want? And are you sure you're ready to handle the repercussions of that? Because being a Miley Cyrus has got to be mind-bogglingly difficult to not go crazy.

If you look at all of them, everyone who ever was a young superstar, how many of them made it through? Ron Howard, Jodie Foster, and who knows how crazy they really are. Right. They seem awesome. I mean, Ron Howard seems totally together. So does Jodie Foster. But think about how many of them went loco.

Too much too early. I know a couple. I know them personally. I know a couple of them that were famous when they were young. And they're fucking crazy, man. They're all wired wrong, just like moving around and working. But you're like, oh, this is where that is, and that's where this is. And how'd you get wired with that?

Oh, you've been famous since you were five. So that never even grew? Oh, wow. That's a Justin Bieber situation. You know, it's like, just seems like he's got everything. And I mean, his dad's his manager, but what can his dad tell him? I don't think when you could have outside influences, that's when things start going really crazy. like we all are and you don't slowly get inoculated to the idea of fame you don't develop some character you don't get older you don't get wiser you you just jump into it from the time you're a baby your reality is going to be so much different than everyone else's it's going to be impossible you're a wild animal that's what you are you become like a wild animal you're not

taught you know a proper way to act you're not trained in the proper way of being in society so you're just reacting however you want to react well i don't know about that but you don't develop character the way a normal person does being accepted or rejected learning how you act people how you treat people yeah you're going to be famous from the jump and that just that alone that having that royalty thing being so much more look at michael jackson look at you know how many of them had to become that way donny osmond would be the most normal yeah because he's still at his family i mean still in mormonism yeah keep it together had a bunch of people but then it's like joe jackson had some crazy kids come out but think

about michael jackson i mean that fame is beyond anything anyone will ever get to. I mean, he was the biggest thing on the planet. He couldn't leave his house. So every day he's probably looking at himself in the mirror. And just imagine if you looked at yourself in the mirror all day, every day. It's just like you'd start nitpicking yourself. Yeah, you would start fucking with yourself. Especially if you started changing things about your face.

Oh, yeah. Bleaching your skin. Wanting to get your lips thinner. Yeah, he did a lot of weird shit, man. I wonder what he really did. I wonder if ever we'll find out what were the full extent of the surgeries. But he's the first guy in the history

of television, film, everything that we watched become like a freak. Like went from, and I don't mean freak in a good way, went from being this young't mean freaking a good way went from being this young boy who's just brilliant talent to being this man who like hides and wants to be with children and has an amusement park and he's pale he's a white guy for no reason his nose is skinny lips are skinny I mean his

face changed so radically he might be the first guy that we've ever seen that has has done that the first guy that we've ever seen that has done that, the first person that we've ever seen that's grown from childhood to adult and become this kind of crazy freak like that. And everywhere you go, there's cameras. You can't go anywhere. You can't do anything. I mean, that's just too much fame.

But the comparisons of his face when he first started and then what he became over the years and what he looked like before he died, it's really, really shocking. First of all, who the fuck are these plastic surgeons? How come nobody knows who these people are? Like, we know who the guy is who gave him the drugs that made him die, but nobody knows who did all that work on him. Like, that guy did a terrible disservice. Yes.

Like, what did you do? Like, that dude needed a hug, and he thinned his lips out. You know? You gave him so many nose operations that his nose caved in. Like, what kind of doctor says yes to that? One who wants money. I'm sure they just wanted to throw an immense amount of cash at him. Do you have any photos?

See if you can pull any photos of the before and after. It's just madness. What he's done to his body, what he did to his face, his eyes. Look at the size of his eyes when it was all over. So strange. It's so strange. Yeah, he made himself look white. Well, he just did a lot of crazy shit to his nose.

His nose was so bad that they had to, like, graft skin over it. It caved in. It lost its support. Started getting necrosis on his nose, apparently, too. Isn't that what the one girl from the hills, Heidi Montage, she did so much plastic surgery her nose was falling off? I don't know. That's bullshit, dude.

That's not real. I don't know. I don't know. Is that true? That's sad shit, man. It's sad shit when you see people start fucking shooting things in their face. Shaving their faces up. Cutting their nose down. How about Cat Lady? That woman who got so much plastic surgery, she looks like a cat. And that's what starts happening. Yeah, I think she started

fixing that. Let's see. Let me see. I think there was something about Cat Lady fixing her face. Cat Lady, fix your fucking face. But there's a lot of ladies that I see in Beverly Hills that look like monsters. Yeah, the duck lips are just like...

Who said that sexy duck lips? Yeah, she's trying to fix it. She's making it... but wow she was so pretty in the beginning man that's really sad just when you have that much money and you just get bored yeah look at look at that she was so pretty yeah and then you just start injecting this and shaving that and well, I also think that the human mind is, it's very possible for people to go crazy given the wrong circumstances, given the wrong motivations, the wrong people in their life. People can blow fuses. They can blast screws out and it can go nutty. And they might not even realize what they're doing while they're doing it.

Like, did you see that lady that... Oh, my God. The lady that... Wow, is that really what she looked like? She was hot. No. Is that real? Wow, that's so crazy.

There's a before and after of the cat lady where she was beautiful. You know what's so funny? No matter how much plastic surgery you get, you can never remove the experience of life from your eyes. You can always tell in the eyes how much stuff you've seen, how much stuff you've been through. It's always in the eyes. You can't shave that off. You can never get rid of the crazy either. Right?

You can't unsee what you've seen. Yeah. When the crazy's in the eyes, you see that shit. Crazy fucking people are everywhere, too. There's a woman in Korea that got addicted to plastic surgery, so she started injecting cooking oil into her face. Oh, my God. Did you see that?

No, I don't want to see it. You don't want to see it. It's sad, though. And she was a really pretty young girl, and she just... Apparently, it's just like anorexia, just like bodybuilders that don't know how big they are. We're susceptible.

We're susceptible to all sorts of weird variations in human behavior. Yeah, addictions and we're susceptible to going down these weird delusional paths where we don't see ourselves for what we look like. Yeah.

Really common. I'm with that with my fatness. What do you see? How do you see yourself? I see myself as a sexy beast. Are you just a rock? Are you like bulky at all? I don't know what it is about my home mirror, but it makes me feel a lot better than this shot does.

Well, look how you're sitting though. It's bad posture. I'm relaxed. What do you want me to go prop? What do you want me to go? Sit up. That's it. That's not bad.

Right there. Look how you're sitting. You know what, man? I like everywhere, but here. This is just it. And I got to start working that. I do. You don't work out at all?

I do. I just run. But I got to do more. You got to lift some weights. Burn some calories. I got to get over the pink and blue weights. I got to get to the man weights. You got to get to raw black metal.

Yeah, the metal, the blacks. I got to get over that. Those pink weights aren't helping. How old are you now, Sam? I'm 40. You got to do it before it's too late. While your body's still pumping good fluid. It's slowing down.

You're going to get some sludge in your veins, son. I got to. You got to keep moving. It's harder to do it when you're 40 than it is when you're 39, and harder when you're 41 than it is when you're 40. I know, dude. I know. Yeah, baby.

Keep it going. Are you the voice inside my head? I am. I'm trying to be. Please, I need it. You don't want me in there. I'll make a recording for you. I'll drive you crazy.. Keep it going. Are you the voice inside my head? I am. I'm trying to be. Please. I need it. You don't want me in there. I'll make a recording for you.

I'll drive you crazy. You'll throw that shit out of your head within the first day. No, dude. I don't want to know my left foot. Let's just skip and play over and over again. Do you think that that would be a good product to sell? Me telling people what to do? Like, listen, you can fucking do this.

Like, Fear Factor style. I completely agree. You could sell the fuck out of it. Kick some fucking ass. And I'll personalize it to your name. Sam Tripoli. Today's completely agree. You could sell the fuck out of it. Kick some fucking ass. And I'll personalize it to your name. Sam Tripoli, today's the day. You are the hero in the movie of your own life. It's time to get shit poppin'.

Isn't that what motivational speakers do? They just sell you tapes and just tell you to believe in yourself? The way to do it right is to use a guy's name. To make a real personal one and use their name. If you really needed it, most people don't need it. Most people are like, bitch, I don't need to hear you

tell me what to do. I'm with you, man. I think a lot of people would love it. A lot of people need it. You don't know how, you obviously know how far this show reaches.

People live, breathe, and die this shit. I did morning news in San Diego. The woman's like, I wasn't even on the show. She's like, I heard your name

on a Joe Rogan show. Hot chick out of San Diego. Do you think you had a shot with her? I could have if I wanted to keep pushing it, but they They had me doing radio from 6 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon. Oh my God. I was on an immediate tour.

Comedy Madhouse down in Why would they put you on so much? Because they just wanted me to push product. Jesus Christ, son. Just let me know and I'll tweet it for you. That's ridiculous. Don't do that. Yeah.

Well, you know, I like doing it. I like going in there and see if I can rock it. But man, that was longer than it's ever been. It's good to rock it, but you also need to get some sleep before the show. It affected my show. Oh, it does. My first show, I was just like, my energy is just really whacked right now. Well, especially because

most comedians, and it's not an excuse, but the reality is, we have a certain sleep cycle. We go to bed at like 2, 3, 4, you know, even later in the morning. Like, people have said to me, like, oh, you were up pretty late last night. I saw you tweeting around 2 a.m. I'm like, bitch, I just started writing at 2. Right. I went to bed at

8. What time do you usually go to bed at 8. You usually go to bed what time? I go to bed in the morning. Really? Yeah. Like what, like 6? My kids go to bed really early. They go to bed at like 7-ish, 7.30. I read them stories.

By 7.30, they're conked out. They got to get up in the morning and go to school. I can't write until the house is quiet. Trust me. You cannot write dick jokes while you've got little girls screaming. I totally understand. Playing team umi-zumi and running around your house. And you also have to pay attention to them while they're awake, while they're home.

That's when we have fun together. And when it's all done and everyone's asleep, then I can get into my shit. Daddy goes to work. Daddy goes to work. And sometimes it lasts a long time. Like, if I catch a wave, like, if I'm on a roll, like, especially if I'm writing a blog or, like, lately I've been writing a novel, actually.

I started writing it a few weeks ago. I've been obsessed with this. You put out so much content. Yeah, I got a lot of shit in my head, man. Trying to get over my childhood. Hey, that childhood made you who you are. Yeah, absolutely. You know?

Everybody should have a shitty childhood. Makes you awesome. Hey, man, if it was handed to you, you'd be lazy. Yeah, there's a little of that, too. But also, I enjoy the creative process. I really enjoy it. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is distractions. Whether it's playing pool or doing jiu-jitsu or, other things in my life or watching TV or something like that. Those are the only distractions that actually keep me from

creating things. I'm at my happiest, not at my happiest, but I think a good source of happiness, I should say, I want to quantify it, is when something comes out, when I sit down and write something and it comes out. I love it. That's why I never understood joke stealing because I love so much coming up with an idea, fine-tuning it, and presenting it to people and the reaction to it. I enjoy, you know, it's like I could do just crowd work. I could just rack the crowd for an hour, just go do an interview, find out who they are, rack them and they'd be happy. But that doesn't get me off.

What gets me off is coming up with an idea in my head, fine tuning it, tagging it, and then presenting it to a crowd and getting a reaction from 300 strangers or who I'm, how many people are in the crowd. Well, that is what an artist is. That's why the guy saying he's not an artist is so fucking silly. You put together a song, you're an artist, shut your's why the guy saying he's not an artist is so fucking silly. You put together a song, you're an artist, shut your hole. All right, stop it. And when you're an artist, you get that satisfaction of someone appreciating your art. That's what it is to make something

good. They appreciate your art. And that's what these people are doing. They're appreciating your art. You, you, you put something together and the reward is when it comes out, right, you get a big laugh in the crowd. It's awesome. I love it when I hear, you get a big laugh from the crowd. Ah, ha, ha, ha. It's awesome. I love it when I hear, you know, I'll go on the road and I'll meet some people who are fans of the podcast, and they're in the middle of nowhere, and they're doing their own podcast. And I love that they're finding their own creative ways to put their things out. It isn't necessarily like, hey, I've got to get this podcast out because I need to have this result,

which will lead to this. They just love the creativity. I always think that's so cool, man. Just to be doing your own thing. Like a lot of the death squad people in Ohio, they have this whole death squad network and a bunch of them do podcasts. And I think it's really cool, man. The internet is filled with people that have their own podcasts. I get requests to listen to them every day. Someone says, Hey, check out my podcast. Look, if you do something, it's good. People will listen and then they'll tell people and so on and so on. And it'll grow. And it's really that easy. I mean, I know I had a headstart because I was already on television. I did a bunch of other things before I started doing my podcast, but it all just grew. The first

couple episodes was like a hundred people listening to it. You know, nobody gives a shit. It took, it takes a while. I remember you talking about doing your podcast. I think you'd just done Adam Carolla show, right? And you're like, hey, man, I might try to do that. Well, we actually did it long before then, but we never stuck with it. We did it on Justin TV. We used to do it after shows. We used to do this before anybody was doing podcasts.

We were doing these live streaming things from the green room. We would answer questions. There was a little chat room. We would just talk shit from the green room. It was fun. And then one day, there was two people that inspired me, Adam Carolla and also Opie and Anthony. Anthony Cumia has a place set up at his house and he has a green screen and a tricorder and the whole thing. I mean, tricaster. And he has this incredible setup where he can pretend

he's in Manhattan with the city behind him. He can make it like Africa. He can make it like space. He can do whatever he wants. And it's pretty fucking dope. Yeah. And I saw that. I was like, that would be fun to do. And so we started doing them on Ustream just three, almost four years ago.

It would be four years ago, I think. I think it's four years. Something like that. Four years ago in December. That's a long ass time. Have you ever thought about putting in a green screen? Yeah. Too much work.

And now who gives a fuck? You know, it's distracting too. I have a bunch of shit going on behind me. Well, I mean, this place is gorgeous. It's one more thing to think about too. I don't want to think about shit. It's gorgeous. Thank you.

Gorgeous like a girl? Yeah. I want to fuck it. You want to fuck my house? Yeah. I want to fuck your studio. Yeah. Well, we know what it is.

It's what you can do if you can just design it from the ground up by yourself. You want to fuck my house? Yeah, I want to fuck your studio. Yeah. Well, we know what it is. It's like, it's what you can do if you can just design it from the ground up by yourself. I want a brick wall. Make a brick wall. I want a table made out of old oak. Boom. So that's not the natural wall there? You just put in a wall? No, I had that made.

I had that built. You had someone build a wall? Yeah, build a brick wall. Yeah, all around through the whole building. You just like being in front of brick walls like comedy clubs. Feels better. Feels organic. That's why I wanted this wooden table, too.

The wooden table feels like, you feel it, you know? This is like, this got a life to it. This is reclaimed farm wood from a hundred-year-old farm. Really? Yeah, yeah. They cut it down, supposedly.

They might have lied to me. They might have found this shit. It's made in the U.S., but it's really China. Tell this stupid fuck it's organic. Tell them it's gluten-free. What is this screen behind us, this thing? That's some shit that the fucking people who produced the TV show,

the sci-fi show created. They put it back there. They thought it was important to have something back there. It makes the light look a little cooler. Does it do anything, though, or does it just hang out? It just chills. We can turn the lights on, and it turns different colors. Look at that.

We just get swimming pool at night back there? Look at that. It'll do that to the wall. Oh, look at that. Look at that. Lights up from behind. Swimming pool at night? Look at that. It'll do that to the wall, too, without that thing. Those are just little lights that we have on the ground. Well, it looks great. It sets a great tone in here. Thank you very much, Sam Tripp. Very sexy.

I'm glad you enjoy the ambiance. Very excited about working with you two this weekend. I'm very excited about doing the, as you can tell, I'm excited about the Comedy Magic Club. I'm going over my set because, you know, I want to rock it, but I also, you know, I'm not a guy who likes to go into a comedy club and be like, fuck you, I'm going to do what I want to do.

I love the Comedy Magic Club. I know they like it a little cleaner, so I'm working on what my set should be. Well, I'm not going to be clean because, but I'm not going to, listen, but I'm not going to... Listen, man, I don't want to... I actually don't know what I'm going to do. You're just rambling.

I'm just trying to figure it out, like what I should do. You finished that Starbucks coffee. That's what it is. Is that coffee or tea in there? That's coffee. You got fired up, buddy. Well, I got to figure out what I'm going to do. It's a weird thing because I'm working for you,

and you kind of do whatever you want, but then it's a club that's kind of clean. So what you're saying is you're working for me, but you're also working to impress the club so you can come back again. No, dude, I get that I'm not their kind of comic. So I get that. And it's a great club. They have me there once a year maybe.

But it's like I don't want to go in there and be like just shit on the rules. That's not my way. Yeah, it's not rules, dude. Don't worry about that. Mike's fine. He's a good guy. He's not going to book you anyway. I get that.

I get that. But I don't know. I have this thing that I'm like, I don't want to piss people off. I don't know why. Even though I had a guy throwing a chair at me this weekend. You don't have to worry about it. That's the store. I'm telling you.

First of all, the store is haunted. You know that and I know that. If I ever believed in ghosts and I never saw a ghost, there's an energy to the store. I saw telling you, first of all, the store's haunted. You know that and I know that. If I ever believe in ghosts and I never saw a ghost, there's an energy to the store. I saw a ghost one time. I had seen a ghost. Where? Well, one time I was in the green room

and I was all alone and I was just writing and getting my set ready and all of a sudden I hear in the shower, they have a shower in the green room, the main room. I heard the faucet just turning. I'm like, what the fuck? And the water started going.

I'm like, dude, that's some crazy shit. Well, another time I was promoting the naughty show there. And I'd run into the lobby of the main room. And it was completely bright. And then I ran back and I had to go grab something from my car and they come back and the room was dark. And I'm like, and Jeff Ross and his writing staff from his show were all there. I'm like, did you see anyone go through here and turn this off? They're like, no, nobody's come through here since you came through. I'm like, okay. So I started getting a little freaked out. So I walk into the lobby and it's

pitch black, but there's this weird one light this bright white light going against kind of where Tommy used to stands which is kind of where the cashier area is of the main room lobby and it's this white light and it's kind of a weird reflection coming from Sunset Street it's like bouncing off it's coming from there bouncing off this glass door, and then it's hitting this thing. And I have no clue how the white light is getting there. And I'm just looking at it.

All of a sudden I see just this figure go right in front of the light. And I'm just like, ah, okay, I'm fucking out of here. And I just went in the other room and made them go turn the lights on because I'm a big pussy. So you saw something go in front of it. Like this, just this, just figure, just go right in front of that white light. Is it possible there was some sort of a reflection from outside? It's possible, but it's, I wouldn't put my, maybe it's possible, but all I know is that

it was light in the lobby. I come back, it's pitch black and I just see something go right in front of this white light. Hmm. You know, it's not impossible, man. I don't think that it's impossible. I've talked about it before on this show about how I believe it's like, I believe in ghosts because I think everything is energy and it's a transfer of energy. And you always hear, like, when ghosts happen,

it's always when some violent crime had happened, which I always think fucks with the transfer of the energy. When you get absorbed back in to the whole, you know, the connection, when your energy goes and you get absorbed back in, some violence fucks with that transfer, and your energy ends up getting, it's in between here and there. So that's where the ghosts come from. Well, it might be possible i mean the idea uh is

proposed by a guy named rupert sheldrake i think he's an evolutionary biologist but he had this idea that everything has memory and that like that's why people don't want to buy houses that were people died in them that there's a feeling of those that those experiences are still stuck in that space i don't know if that's true or not, but my dad is not a very, he's my stepdad, but he's, you know, I'm calling my dad. I don't really know my real dad, but he's not a very, he's not a spiritual guy, not a woo-woo guy, not religious at all. But he went to Gettysburg and he told me that he had a really bad experience there. He said it's just like you could feel the death. He goes, it feels sad.

It's just like there's a feeling there. And he goes, and it might be because I knew what happened there. He goes, but it didn't feel like it. He's like, it just felt like there was something in the place that I could tangibly interact with. Yeah, I mean, if something violent and bad happened, you can feel it in the air. Yeah, it is possible, right? I mean, if something violent and bad happened, you can feel it in the air. Yeah.

It is possible, right? Yeah. Again, it's like my opinion on transfer of energy. Everything's connected. It might just be something that is really difficult to register. Something that's really difficult. Like, there's a lot of people that automatically, like, shoo the idea away, shoo any idea away, if that idea seems to be like a wacko idea like they

don't go hmm man maybe but think about how many fucking people have told ghost stories is it possible there's something to that is it all the imagination i mean it could all be the imagination it could just be like an archetype that keeps repeating itself over and over again in the human psyche. Is it possible that there's things that can't be proven through science in terms of what we judge as scientific proof? I think it's possible that could be. I think it's also possible that there could be a whole other dimension that we don't experience in this current state. There might be another dimension where consciousness lives.

There might be another dimension where your soul goes after you die. It sounds ridiculous, but so does regular life. Well, your episode on psychics, man, I totally relate to that. I mean, again, I feel like everything's interconnected through energy and that some people may be able to uh connect with the energy a little better than other people maybe they see stuff that's going to happen maybe but the episode on psychics showed more about charlatans than anything well there was part of that but i mean personally i mean that's just one instance in which you i personally believe that you that there are people

who can tap into an energy that other people maybe can't it's certainly possible i can't do it um and i couldn't prove anybody could do it on the show and we didn't we couldn't get anybody to show us they could do it the most psychic thing we had on the show was a guy pretending to be psychic that was telling us in advance that he was this guy banachek yeah i saw that faked it the mentalist yeah he told us in advance i'm gonna pretend to be psychic he fooled a series of scientists for four years with all these tricks that he does. I mean, he's just a master. He won't tell you how he does it, but he tells you he's doing it.

I want to know how he did the dice. I want to know how he did all of it. The dice thing, I looked at it, and he had his hand in his pocket while I was rolling the dice. And I wonder if there's something in his pocket that registers, like he can touch it it and it gives him like two zaps for two three zaps for three like it lets him know like what the number is it is possible it is possible that he does that that could be a possibility well i don't know my cousin supposedly can if you hand him something he can put in his hand and he could tell you where it's been and what's happened to it. What, does he smell it? No.

He's got psychic smell. It's been up your ass. Oh! It smells like shit. Oh! Dice the psychic? Dice the psychic. Hmm. Oh, someone here lost a grandmother. I can see you sucking my dick. Oh!

Sexual psychic. Sexual psychic. Sexual psychic. I feel you rubbing my balls. Oh, you show of dice. Yeah, man. We did a show with him in Vegas. I was doing the naughty show at the Hard Rock Casino

in Vino, which is this gorgeous club. Man, that guy packs them in, dude. Oh, yeah. Well, dude, me, Norton, Bobby Kelly, Anthony Cumia, Red Band, and Sam Roberts went to see him at the Riviera. He was upstairs in the big room. Fucking killed. It was hilarious.

Dude, Dice is a master. It was really funny, man. It was really enjoyable. It was an enjoyable show it was a good time watching him do his uh his carols doing the uh rhymes on a new year's about eight years ago was one of my favorite moments of comedy because i'd grown up on that stuff hickory dickory dock i grew up on that he and it it crushed. Yeah, he was a big part of my youth, too. I remember listening to him in my car with this girl that I was dating,

just giggling like a couple of retards. I thought it was so funny. And that was like the first cassette that he had. Remember that first cassette? Yeah. He just sold like a gazillion before social media and all that stuff. Oh, yeah. There was no social media.

Well, he was really unique in that people could repeat his stuff. You know, Dice, like, you wanted to hear the same stuff over and over again. Yeah, he's like a rock band. Hickory dickory dock. People would just start chanting along with it. Oh, my God. Yeah, he was great. People today can't understand.

Like, you can't wrap your head around how big he was. He was so fucking big. And there was this massive backlash from the so-called liberal media. Again, people who wanted him to be like everybody else. Yeah. And they couldn't just accept. And they couldn't accept also that this was a character. Like, this was, these are his real thoughts and his homophobia and his, which, you know,

he did say a lot of, like, really rude shit about gay people. But it was a different time. So what was this? Homophobia was okay back then? No, well, it was just say a lot of, like, really rude shit about gay people. But it was a different time. So what was this? Homophobia was okay back then? No, well, it was just a different way of dealing with it. You know, I mean, people learn. You know, it's like when people get mad at the elderly people for saying racist stuff, yeah, it's not right, but it's a different time.

When your grandma asks you how your colored boyfriend is, you know, you don't throw grandma out the window. It's just a different time. It's not right. Are you a Paula Deen apologist? Well, hold on. Paula Deen, listen, I don't think you should call anyone the N-word except for me in bed, and that's just a true story.

But listen, man, I'm sorry, but if I know the story right, if you're robbing me at gunpoint, is that what the story was? She got robbed at gunpoint and said some mean shit? Okay, that's what I thought the story was. If you rob me at gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. I think there was, like, employees involved. Just call them employees and words. That's not right.

That's not right. Dude, I'm all love. I love everybody, dude. I love everybody. We got that. We got that from you, Sam. That's what I've been feeling. No, you don't.

You don't feel that. I do. I feel that. You don't feel. I love everybody, man got that. We got that from you, Sam. That's what I've been feeling. No, you don't. You don't feel that. I do. I feel that. You don't feel. I love everybody, man. I don't care. But if you rob me at gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. No one got robbed at gunpoint, dude.

No, that's what happened. No, she didn't get robbed at gunpoint. There's no gunpoint. Oh, my God. Let's see it. What is wrong with you? You have a phone. Dean robbed at gunpoint.

Why would you? Actually, they asked her, have you ever used the N-word? What is wrong with you? You have a phone. Dean robbed at gunpoint. Why would you? They asked her, have you ever used the N-word? She said, yes, of course. And they asked her when. Oh, she was held up at gunpoint. She said when a black man burst into a bank that I was working at. 1987 crime.

She linked to you. Oh, okay. I'm the asshole. Well, this is. But it was also about her employees were saying. So it wasn't like she stopped it there. Well, she let them watch porn at work. I agree with that. I'm just saying that instant in which that's what got her in trouble.

Wait a minute. Is this really it? She passed in the 1980s. She uttered the racial slur while telling her husband about being held up at gunpoint by a black. That's it? That's when she used it? Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry, dude.

Well, I'm sorry, dude, because I was saying that you didn't know what you were talking about. It was actually me. But I know for a fact that her employees accused her of doing it. Hold on. Accused her of racism. It started because a former manager sued her, and that's where the deposition started. Yeah, but how does that have anything to do with her getting robbed? She asked her – okay, hold up.

She asked her employee to dress up like Aunt Jemima? All right, now it unfolds here. Oh, God. Yeah, this is different. I guess apparently after the robbery by by gunpoint she held a grudge on the african-american community but it also could be like an employee trying to get paid it's fucking hard but didn't get dismissed listen man listen i don't i believe i love i love diversity that's a big reason i love southern Southern California. Everybody's mixing with everybody. I prefer it that way.

This guy who worked there said that Dean referred to her and other employees using a racial slur. The Times doesn't specify which besides that there is a racially offensive term for black child. Oh my goodness.

Do you know what that is? No. Niglet. That's horrible. She must have called them that but maybe I'm just making that up though didn't get dismissed but come on how fucked is it

that you could write a story about this but don't want to say the actual word yeah it's I don't want to say but what it is is an offensive word for black children yeah

what say the fucking word why are we pretending that if the word is so bad you you can't say it, then it's magic. Then it's Candyman. Candyman. Candyman.

Candyman. Let's know what's going on so we know exactly the degree of racism here. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't realize that she was. I thought she just like had used the word before. I didn't realize that she had used it because she got robbed. When you get robbed, you just fucking call people everything you can think of. It's when you deal with a heckler.

If you're heckling me... That's way worse than heckling. You're dealing with a life or death situation. Completely. You're probably freaking out. You're probably so fucking high on adrenaline and fear. What does it say? It got dismissed.

Discrimination case officially closed. Judge approved dismissal of the case. So that's the guy. Who knows, man? You've got to look at things like that from a bunch of different angles. One, if she is racist, that's kind of fucked up. But two, she's famous and rich, and I'm sure people who work for her look at that as a target. And there easily could have been something that she...

Paula Deen's robber comes to her defense? Eugene Thomas King is the former bank robber who Paula Deen says she referred to using the N-word after he robbed her at gunpoint. King was caught and sentenced to 25 years in prison after the dean robbery and a separate robbery he lives in brooklyn new york now and when we spoke to him he actually broke down in tears he blames himself for paula dean's troubles i really feel for her king said she's being persecuted because that one little mistake in her judgment she was acting out of anger. Wow, look at this guy. He really came to grips with reality in court.

He had 13 prior convictions for robbery before he pointed his gun. You need 14 before you can legally be called a nigger. Yeah. It's 14. I've seen it. And he says that he's turned his life around. Good for him. Good for him, and also good for him saying that, man.

That's some clarity that a lot of people are not capable of. Sometimes people have to actually go through something really fucked up so they can see what they're really doing. Yeah. Good for that guy, man. Story of my life. Well, I don't know if that's the only time she used that word. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm just saying that was the instance in which I heard, in which I would tell you that if I'm robbed at gunpoint by someone, I'm going to say some nasty shit, it's in the heat of the

moment, you know, and even afterwards two hours later if I'm talking to my girl I'm going to be like, blah blah blah blah blah that's weird though, it's weird that she gets persecuted for that, if this is in the 1980s I mean, that's 30 years ago, 20 30 years ago, man

at least 20, you know it's so long, are we That's 30 years ago. 30 years ago, man! At least 20. It's so long. We really... What is the exact year? If it was 1990, it would be 23 years ago. So it's more than 23 years ago. Jesus Christ. You know, it's like that athletic director at Rutgers who's getting in a lot of trouble for saying stuff that she had said at a previous job decades before that.

And, you know, maybe what she says is rough, but, I mean, people change, man. People learn, you know, especially myself. I mean, the things I've done in my life and sometimes how I treated people, it wasn't right, you know. The things I've done in my life and sometimes how I treated people, it wasn't right. I've learned and I make amends and I move on. And to be judged by something that happened way long ago, I think that's a horrible way. It is horrible. And it's also taking out the possibility of someone improving as a human being and learning from mistakes.

Holding you accountable to something you did 20 years ago or even a fucking year ago, man. Let's be honest honest about that you're not the person you were a year ago if you're constantly evolving and growing i mean you might owe an apology for something you did a year ago but saying that defines you and a year is kind of stretching it for a lot of people because a lot of people are the same person they were a year ago but six years ago ten years ago are you the same person i sure as fuck i'm not completely different i'm a totally different human being than i was 10 years ago you you you if you're paying attention and you're working on yourself and you're constantly trying to think and look at the world objectively you're gonna grow you're gonna learn from mistakes and if you're not making any mistakes you're not taking any fucking chances yeah it's my whole theory i was talking about on stage about how everyone got mad at the nsa and there was people

like i don't care i got nothing to hide it like, who doesn't have anything to hide, man? Like, are you not living any life? That's not the point anyway. The point is not the nothing. That idea is so silly. I got nothing to hide. But it doesn't matter. You can't give people that kind of power.

Saying something like that is just, without a doubt, being ignorant about human behavior. Because absolute power, the old quote, corrupts absolutely. It always has. When you give someone the ability to look on your email, Snowden was saying that he could just read people's emails. He could just target Sam Tripoli and just start reading your emails. Oh, God.

And he didn't even have a high school education. You can't give people that power. You can't give people the power to stalk. You can't give people the power to peer in. That's creeper shit. And you don't have to do anything wrong. You can't give people the power to stalk. You can't give people the power to peer in. That's creeper shit. And you don't have to do anything wrong. I mean, we looked at, I mean, there are, through history, we've seen people who are profiled by agencies. You know, Frank Sinatra, Martin Luther King, who weren't necessarily doing anything wrong, but they were being monitored.

It's like you don't have to do something wrong to be monitored. Well, that's the J. Edgar Hoover days. And before that, of course, the McCarthyism. But the McCarthy era is a classic example of people being persecuted and people being singled out and people being spied upon and categorized these dangerous and divisive groups. That kind of behavior is unconstitutional for a reason. Looking into people's lives is a violation of privacy and it's unconstitutional for a reason. Looking into people's lives is a violation of privacy, and it's unconstitutional for a reason. And we have to recognize that there has always been people

that are looking to capitalize on the holes that we have in our system, and they will create false flags, and through those false flags, these events will cause them to clamp down more on security. Which is so interesting, right? It's ridiculous, but it's true. They will create artificial problems so that they will have a solution. Create a problem,

propose a solution, get what you want. What did you want? We wanted to be able to control people. We wanted a Norwellian society. How do we go about doing it? Well, we're going to have to have a threat. And you're going to have to have this threat. Let's call it terrorism. Terrorism is a good threat because it's so undefined. It's not like we conquer one nation and our terrorism problem is over it continues forever and for

people who think that's some tinfoil hat conspiracy bullshit you're really not paying attention because it's happened it's happened over and over and over again yeah i mean even if you talk about conspiracy theories with some people they can't even begin to understand because they're looking at it through their point of view my whole thing is is like, if you ever watch the first 48, man, it's this great show. It's sadly about murder and real murder investigations. You see people killing other people for $20. $20. Now, just imagine if there was a billion dollars on the line, a trillion dollars on the line,

just because someone's in a suit, they're not standing on a corner, they're going to act different. No, it's all primal, basic things. Especially if they don't have to pull the trigger themselves. Yeah. It's the desire to get as much resources as possible. That's what it's all about. I mean, it's basic human behavior. And if you can get it through the guise of war, it's really easy to get things done.

You just hire a bunch of... And now they have mercenaries. I mean, during the Bush administration, they started using mercenaries for the first time in God knows how long, man. Openly using Blackwater and all these other companies, go in and do a bunch of shit. I met those dudes in Afghanistan. I know some of those dudes.

I have friends that went over there and did some work for them. I have a friend who was a sniper in the Marines. He made more money in doing that than he ever did doing anything. He would go over there for a few months at a time made like 30 grand a month yeah yeah come back bank man but it's like that guy in chicago who went around and unfortunately killed all those people shooting you know what that was about that was them trying to take over territory they thought that area that that block or that that uh that blacktop was another gang's territory and they didn't care who they

shot they just wanted to shoot yeah so they don't care if they take out 13 people they just want to gain a certain amount of power and resources same thing like you know if the government does something where a bunch of people die i mean whether it's 100 200 3 000 5 000 whatever it doesn't matter in the bigger picture of everything. Yeah, and they also know that time will continue to roll on, more conflicts will arise, and people forget about it. Constant state of war. Yeah, people forget about so many different things that happened in the past.

They forget about different bombs that went off. They're going to forget about this mall in Africa after a while. People are going to forget about the bomb that the Iraq after a while people are going to forget about you know the the bomb that the the iraqis blew up on the u.s warship there's there's so many different events in the course of a decade of war plus that we've been involved in that they can just tally them all up and push them all aside as long as there's some new thing in the news to think about people will keep thinking do you feel this Naval Yard thing hit as hard as most of you? I feel like it happened and everyone's like, nah. Another one.

Yeah, we're getting desensitized, man. Did you see this video? What is this? They released a video of him. Of the guy? It's not him shooting anyone. Yeah, it's coming in with all the weapons and stuff. Yeah, it's pretty chilly.

Yeah, I don't want to see it either. But it's, yeah, this is more where we're used to it. The Aurora, Colorado one, we now kind of forgot about it. We're thinking about a new thing now. People are going to keep thinking. They're going to keep thinking about new things. Keep sticking things in front of their face, and they forget about something that happened a month ago. Hey, can I ask you something?

I know in England the law enforcement doesn't carry guns, but I know Canada has very strict gun laws, right? Does Canadian police carry? Yes. Yeah, they have guns. I always felt that that was a big issue with gun control in this country. It certainly is. Yeah, England really is. And there's arguments both ways.

The problem with guns is like that expression, you can't take pee out of the pool. Once they're out there, they're out there. And in England, they're not out there nearly as much as they are in America. They don't have nearly as many gun violence crimes, but we do, you know, we do. And people have the right to protect themselves. You know, it's not like you're going to round up all the guns. They're not going to let you. This country is not going to let you round up all the guns. We got a sticky situation. I think it's more of a mental health situation than it is anything. I completely agree 100%.

This guy, the Aurora shooter, the kids that were in the Columbine kids, they're all medicated. They're all fucked up. They're on drugs. Their heads are fucked up. Their heads are fucked up maybe before they were on drugs. Maybe you can't even blame the psychotropic drugs that they're on. But the bottom line is they're all mentally ill. That's the common denominator.

Mentally ill. It's not guns. There's a lot of sane people with guns that never shoot anybody. If it wasn't guns, they'd find another thing. I just wonder if people will eventually evolve to the point where we stop shooting each other with guns. Stop murdering each other. Is that possible? There's a lot less murder than there was like in

the fucking 1200s back during the mongol days and shit like that but it's still yeah it's a little more civilized i always think it has so much to do with people um shooting guns because in the movies what you'll see is somebody will shoot somebody and then they'll walk away and then like they'll be able to go shoot somebody else like there isn't an instant law enforcement situation that comes and hunts them down. The one movie with Steven Seagal, I think it was Above the Law, where that one guy goes on this crime spree

for a whole day, and he's just killing everybody. At no point do you see law enforcement anywhere. He just moves on to the next crime, moves on to the next crime. I just feel people feel like they could shoot somebody and just easily get away with it. What? Yeah, well my just tirade that nobody's talking about i just feel like equated above the law with a real life i just feel that there's some people even seagal movie like an

important point well my point i just use it as an example meaning that i feel that a lot of people who go off on the and they start off in Chicago, they start shooting people. I think when you watch television or even movies, there's always someone who could shoot somebody and he just walks off and his life goes on. He's never worried about the cops. That happens in a lot of places where the cops aren't there. But that's why I think it happens as much is that people don't think there's any ramifications for shooting somebody. As much as there really is. Do you know what I'm saying?

No. Okay, maybe I just went off on a... This is some weird thing I was looking at my head. That's caffeine talking to you, son. I don't know what you're talking about. People know that if you get caught shooting people, you go to jail. Yeah, but I think people think they're going to get away with it. That's why.

Really? Who? I think that's a lot of these people who shoot guns. They think they're going to get away with it. You mean like mass shootings? All of them. I don't. They think they're going to get away with it. You mean like mass shootings? All of them. I don't think they think they're going to get away with it. I think they're on a suicide run.

Well, maybe that guy's on a suicide run, but these people go around, they just walk up and they shoot their drug dealer. They think they're going to get away with it. How do you know what they think? This is my opinion. I'm stating an opinion for the purpose of discussion. We're going to bring this home because we only have a couple minutes left. Oh, it's almost over. It was good to be back.

I've never been to the studio. Good to have you back on the show again. Anytime. I love it here. We'll be back next week, my lovely friends. We have lots of fun guests coming up. I've got a gang of people coming up over the next few weeks. Some really interesting guests for the month of October, too.

We got Greg Proops is coming back. Rocktober. Yeah. A bunch of people. Lots of fun guests. And, of course, our friends. We don't know what we're going to do for the 400th episode. This is what?

97? 398? This is 398. So 399 is the next one. So in two, maybe next week, we'll hit 400. I don't know what we're going to do. Probably get on Joey Diaz and Duncan and have some fun. And that's it, my friends.

We'll see you this weekend. Sam Tripoli and I. And you can ask Sam to elaborate on his Steven Seagal slash shoot someone and get away with it theory. I will. Thanks for Lumosity for sponsoring us. Go to Lumosity.com. Tell them Joe Rogan sent you.

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the love on Twitter, and all the cool articles that you guys sent me. We're all in this shit together. The Freak Party rolls on for 2013 this shit together the freak party rolls on for 2013 that's the new party I'm in I'm not represented by Democrats

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alright fuckers see you next week love the shit out of you.