The Joe Rogan Experience - #401 - Doug Benson

Episode Date: October 8, 2013

Doug Benson is a stand-up comedian and also stars in movies such as "Super High Me" and "The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled". Currently Doug hosts his own podcasts "Doug Loves Movies" and "Getting Doug with High".

You're not a health pusher for sure. I am a little. But I've been at meals with you. Yeah. And you never tell anybody what to eat and you always pass over another big plate of something that's awful for people. Like you love, you still love food. Oh yeah. And eating late at night.

Yeah. That's a bad thing. Eating late at night is a bad thing? Yeah. Well, it's a bad thing if you're overweight. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean it can definitely put weight on you, but I'm not overweight. No, I know.

You can get away with it. But I only get away with it because I work out a lot. But, I mean, you know, you're enabling fats like me that get to go with you and have these delicious meals. But post-show food is probably one of the most pleasurable things ever, isn't it? Oh, food is the most pleasurable thing but food for us too like after a big show like it's like when after a big show that goes well you have a great feeling it's a great feeling of relief there's a great feeling of like you had a great exchange with these people they had a good time it feels like super positive all around it's what makes you work hard to do

stand-up and to really get good at it and And then you're not going to just go sit by yourself or go to sleep or something. You got to go out. And we definitely, the, the post show meals are like the most fun meals. You know, we're all relaxed.

We did our show and then we can go to some groovy place. Like fucking Chinese restaurant that we went to me, Segura and, uh, Brian Callen in Toronto. God damn. It was good. Holy shit. You forget, like if you're in like a God damn, it was good. Holy shit.

You forget, like, if you're in, like, a real city like Toronto, you can get some fucking serious, like, legit ethnic food, you know, where people don't even barely speak English, and they're serving you Chinese food. Yeah, yeah. Ducks that are hanging in the window and shit, one of those joints. God, it was fucking good. If I'm out on the road with you

and you're like, I'm just going to take it easy tonight and go home after whatever we just did, I'm always, you know, it's sad because every time we go out, you always find some new amazing restaurant in every town. Everywhere.

And the people there are always super nice to you and it's really, it's good fun. Yeah, it's always good fun. It's good fun. I love tipping the shit out of waiters. Hey, we don't need any music. Doug Benson's here. It's a living experience.

Yeah. Hey, we're live. We've been going for like 40 minutes, haven't we? Yeah, there's no need to play music. We've already started. We're already off and running. It's on. Yeah. And all the shit that's bad for you though i think that uh post-show uh meals are on the short list the pre-show drinks well there's a lot of things yeah well also that's

my problem is i can't have a big meal before a show because it just yeah it makes me i literally do not want to perform you know which is which is such a horrible feeling because that's my favorite thing to do is perform. Yeah. And so to feel like not getting, you don't feel like getting up there, that sucks. It's a terrible feeling. Yeah. So you can't really load up on a huge delicious meal before a show.

Well, I stopped eating gluten. I stopped eating gluten several months ago. That's pretty interesting. That's a big thing for, does it seem real all of a sudden that it's just everywhere they're constantly talking about gluten? Well, you know why? It's because I think a lot of people have just sort of accepted a certain way of feeling. They just, this is just how I feel. This is my health. This is my health level. Yeah. And then you can do something like, especially if you're that celiac disease, like a lot of people have like real

allergies to wheat. It's like, it's a serious issue. Yeah, and wheat's in everything. Yeah, I don't have an allergy to it, but I noticed when I stopped eating it, like almost right away, that my energy level was way more even throughout the day. Like there wasn't this big crash after meals. And I started thinking about it.

That is crazy. If that's really the case, that the crash after meals is always bread or the pasta and then I stopped and thought about every time that I got like really like stuffed up on lasagna or spaghetti or something like that that is the worst after-food coma it's the most delicious shit while you're eating it yeah but you fucking pay hard like your body wants to crash because it's processing all that wheat it's all like just fucking gummy weird pasty shit sitting in the bottom of your stomach that doesn't exist in nature some weird creation that we've concocted

and strengthened it's funny you said gummy because gum has wheat in it. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. All it took was one guy saying to me, you know, all that gum you're chewing, you're just triggering yourself to want more weed. And I stopped chewing gum altogether. And it's great. Does all gum have weed in it? If you look at the. Have you Googled this? Yeah.

Google it up. Supposedly a lot of it does. Wow. Does gum have weed in it? Bitch. Siri can't fuck with me. Siri. Gluten-free gum. Which brand to choose? Wow. Some gum has wheat in it? Bitch, Siri can't fuck with me. Siri. Gluten-free gum.

Which brand to choose? Wow, some gum has fucking gluten in it. That is nuts. What are the gluten-free ones? It says wheat is chewing gum. This is incredible. Oh, my God. Wow.

Back in the days before there was chewing gum in the stores, farmers actually made their own with grains of wheat. That's why you see assholes out in the sticks chewing on the end of a thing of wheat. Yeah. It's like gum. Wow. I want more of this wheat in my mouth.

Wow. Yeah, you put the... Wow, you can chew it down to gum. You put the grains of wheat in your mouth, you crunch down slowly, start chewing. Your jaw and teeth will turn into a stone grinder and you'll immediately begin to taste the nutty flavor of the whole wheat. If you continue chewing for a few minutes,

swallowing the excess saliva but not the grains, there will be a little mound of dough right inside your mouth. Keep chewing, and it will get smoother and soon turn into old-fashioned farmer's gum. Farmer's gum is pure wheat gluten. It has pleasing texture and will last and last. And probably no flavor. to old-fashioned farmer's gum. Farmer's gum is pure wheat gluten. It has pleasing texture and will last and last. And probably no flavor.

Well, that's why that shit shouldn't be in your fucking stomach. Like, that's a perfect example. You're eating that, and it boils down to glue. Yeah, I stopped swallowing gum, too. I decided to stop doing that. When you're fucking... Oh, I'm eating too much gum. I'm in my 40s.

I think it's about time to stop swallowing gum. I still do that. That's hilarious. Swallow gum? Oh, I'm eating too much gum. I'm in my 40s. I think it's about time to start swallowing gum. I still do that. You do? Oh, yeah. How often? Because somebody told me, like, oh, it stays in your stomach for 10 years or something. And I went online and was like, oh, that's bullshit. You shit it out.

But so I just start swallowing gum. It still doesn't seem like the right thing to have down there. That was one of those myths, though, that went across the world. Right. That if you ate gauntlet cheese. It's in your system for 10 years. Where did that come from? Or watermelon seeds.

You grow a watermelon inside your belly. Have you heard that? That's called pregnancy, and it's normal. Well, you know, Anthony Bourdain told me that people get that same stomach disease that Brock Lesnar had. What is it called? Where you have lesions. Diverticulitis. Anthony Bourdain said you can get that from seeds.

Like a seed can get stuck inside your body. It's not necessarily entirely from just eating meat. Brock Lesnar supposedly it was because he didn't eat enough fiber. He's such a fucking carnivore. He's just chewing down steaks all day. Right. And no vegetables or anything like that. So he had developed like a backup. You know know like he got clogged up down there but he said that anything could do it like a you know like seeds can get stuck in there that's good i force myself

to eat vegetables with every time i have a steak just because i some work out in my head that like it's just bad to just have a steak even though i i could just fuck up a steak and not even mess with the vegetables so i always get a vegetable that goes good with it and then put some in every bite. I'll throw some spinach on my steak. Well, they say it's good digestive-wise to open up the pipes. The idea is you have a big salad, and then the big salad sort of pushes the door open

for the lumps of steak shit that are going to come out it's like the fiber and the the the watery texture of all that vegetables all the water content of that food it makes it easy to process like if you just eat nothing but salads for a couple days your shits will be magnificent they'll be beautiful they're just they'll slide out of you so boring to just eat salads i don't think it's a good idea to do long-term. I think that you would be surprised at how much protein is in vegetables. Like broccoli apparently has a lot of protein in it. They know quinoa has a lot of protein in it.

Hemp has a tremendous amount of protein in it. Hemp is very high in protein and has essential amino acids. They know you can get a lot out of eating plants, but it's way easier to be optimally healthy if you take in some animal protein, even if it's only eggs. That's a weird thing with vegans and such. Vegans and such? What am I, Tom?

What's his name? Fucking Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. Mark Twain? Vegans and such. Vegans and such. What am I? Tom? What's his name? Fucking Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. Mark Twain. Vegans and such. Vegans and such. They won't eat eggs, which I think is really weird. Because I guess the idea is you don't want to have domesticated animals, period. But it doesn't hurt the animals. They have eggs every day. It's super healthy to eat. You don't have to eat the chickens. Chickens

can be free range. They can have a nice little life. I mean, chickens are not like super complicated animals. They don't really need to be like living in the wild. And if they lived in the wild, guess what? They're not going to last. Chickens can't even fly. Someone's going to get them, whether it's coyotes

or they go to sleep at night and they just sit there. Do you know what happens when you're just sitting there and a coyote comes around? They fucking eat you. When do coy coyotes hunt they hunt at night you know i mean the chickens really wouldn't even be around man it's a silly idea um the idea is that you know you shouldn't have anything to do with domesticating animals i think that must be what they're saying because it doesn't have to do with murder eggs are delicious they come right out of the chicken and nobody's harmed simple they make them make them every day. Every vegetarian and vegan I know

is totally on the egg tip. They eat eggs? Yeah. Oh, that's good. That's good. Everyone I know. Well, you can't be a vegan if you're eating eggs. That's not vegan. Eggs are animal products. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're vegetarians or they go or they say, I'm not a strict vegan, but I adopt a lot of the vegan. Yeah, most vegans I know, they also go, oh, but I do fish. That's not a vegan. I know. Those are silly bitches.

That's an LA vegan. That's Tony. It's LA being convenient. Well, Tony's very much vegan except for that. Right. He eats animal protein. No, I'm saying most vegans I know, like Tony, they all have that one thing, though, where they're like,

I'm going to die hard to the point of everything because I still eat fish or egg or something like that. Right. So it's more of a health choice than the ideology. But Tony's hilarious because he fucking smokes cigarettes. He fucking smokes cigarettes like a little chimney.

And he's eating vegan. That's going to counteract. He drinks every night. Every night I go to the bar, and I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to drink tonight. And I'm like, Tony, you're not drinking tonight, right? And he goes, oh, yeah, I'm drinking. He's the one that always goes, well, if he does it, I'm going to do it.

He's a funny dude, too. He's a funny dude. That's called being a comedian. We're a mess. We're fucking crazy people. Yeah, I mean, that's why I may never quit drinking is because I'm in nightclubs every night and I enjoy it. Yeah, it's kind of fun. Unfortunately.

You know, like it's why I take the fun out of what we're doing by like insisting on, you know. Staying alive. But no, you know, like most comedians that turn sober, they, you know, they... They lose a step. They lose interest in being in the clubs and, you know, and doing stand-up. And it's like, I never want to lose interest in that, you know. By the way, when I say they lose a step, it doesn't mean you have to. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that they... But I am saying that a lot of guys who, like, that I've known that become sober, they lose a certain amount of zest. All of a sudden now they're like, well, this is just life now. There's no altering this state of consciousness. I'm just going to stay mellow and flat. And they have other things that fill the void. Like Chris Hardwick's sober, but he plays video games all day long every day. You have to fill the void.

Yeah. You've got to have something fun. Yeah, it's going to be another addiction. You've got to have something, the reason to wake up every day. Yeah, to some other addiction. But I don't think there's anything wrong with being sober. Don't get me wrong. And I think that Hicks did his best stuff after he was sober.

Well, that's interesting. You don't have to be fucked up to make good comedy. There's no doubt about it. Oh, that's interesting you don't have to be uh fucked up to make good comedy i mean you there's no doubt about it oh that's true for sure but but you know but to you know to appreciate the experience like once he was sober i bet bill hicks like would walk in the club do his set and walk out of the club like didn't probably you know what i mean it's no fun to be in there if you can't participate right right right you know if you can't hang out and joke around and laugh. That's like one of the most fun things about being a comedian is hanging out with comedians.

Mm-hmm. Shooting the shit after shows, you know? Yeah. It might be the best thing. Fucking hilarious times, man. Fucking just altogether hilarious times after shows.

Yeah. You know? That's probably a good reality show. Stand-up post-show. That's a good idea. The this show's over get off stage it ends at norms follow them around follow them around as they eat

and just talk shit after shows it's like great idea insomniac but in packs of comedians and not just Dave Attell that's actually a great

fucking idea that is a good idea it's a great idea holy shit comedians after shows eating food don't be stealing this internet. God damn it.

Doug, do you ever have any problems? Because you drink a lot. Do you ever have any tummy troubles or any problems for me? Tummy troubles. Well, you do. Every time I see you, you're always with your vodka. I do drink way too much vodka. But when people offer me shots, I say no all the time now.

Because that, to me, is just, once you've had a few shots, then it's just like, then you just have a lot of shots. Right. And then I hate hangovers. Like that's my thing is that it's like drink as much as I can to get my buzz going and then not be hung over the next day. And it's a very, it's a very small window there that you have to aim for. Right.

So I don't always get there. But no tummy troubles or anything like that? Tummy. Do you have to go potty? He keeps saying it. You gotta go potty. You gotta go potty. No, I don't really.

But I also, like Joe was saying about how people just sort of like accept how they feel. Right. I could probably feel a lot better if I stopped drinking, you know, four or five vodkas every night. For sure. It will definitely help. Yeah. The food thing.

I'm having fun. The scales have to adjust. You with what you have right now it sounds like you might change some things in your life if how you're feeling now would continue if you didn't. That's just standard Brian talk. Listen to me.

He's going to ride that boat right into the fucking rocks. Got the accelerator pressed. Last time I was sick, it was because of drinking, I think. And it was because I used to drink Jack and Diet Cokes every night. And then I switched it to ginger ale because that's better on your stomach. But it's turkey 101. And it's worse. Turkey 101 is worse than Jack. It's more alcohol. Oh, really?'s worse. Turkey 101 is worse than Jack.

It's more alcohol. Oh, really? That's what that 101 is. Really? I don't know the difference between those, so I couldn't tell you. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, you definitely can't redline your system forever.

That's one thing. Right. Like, it's always good to balance shit out. It's one of the things I actually always admired about Andy Dick. Andy Dick would go on his mad benders benders but i never seen anybody who takes more vitamins that fucking kid would have trays of vitamins that he'd bring to work and take one of these one of these one of these he would just counteract i mean that's to make up for all the partying well it's sort of analogous to his life he's just you know he has moments of sobriety

where he completely understands you know that understands that this is who he is. And he's trying to be a nice guy. And then he has off-the-rails craziness. And then he brings it back. Those huge smoothies he had. Yeah. Like two liter of smoothie. Well, he always did that.

He always ate super healthy. And then he would just go fucking crazy. But that's just Andy. But again, I don't think you make a person like Andy unless they're kind of off the rails. You don't get that. He's a nut, that guy. You don't get that.

He is a nut. And that's, you know, you'll back me up on this, Joe. There's probably no funnier actor than him. It's hilarious. Like so good at like he did it a lot of news radio like a lot of uh quick turns and beats in one scene that he plays beautifully like he's almost like a silent film comedian uh physicality wise like he can doesn't seem like there isn't anything he could do in that in that area he no as a comic actor i think he's

probably one of the funniest guys ever that whole show was full of them but yeah like there's a comic actor on a sitcom he's fucking brilliant yeah that's why he got away with so much for as long as he did because everybody loved him as a person and as a funny character we used to do scenes together and I couldn't get through the scene I couldn't I had to stop because I was cracking up like I'm not supposed to be doing anything I'm supposed to be like stone-faced yeah and he's doing you're always mad at him and i'm fucking crying i have to like walk away i was we did one scene where like i couldn't stop laughing it was so good we were all standing out and you know everybody's giving me shit about us i was so

apologetic i was like i don't mean to be this up yeah but he was killing me he was so he was asking he was talking about all these different things that he ate and asked if he was going to die it was just one ridiculous thing after another yeah in context like you'd have to see it like in context i'm no i'm not doing a good job of explaining why it was so funny but i was stone cold sober at the time too, by the way. I didn't even smoke pot. So when he's making me cry, I'm sober crying laughing. I can't imagine

if I used to smoke weed back then and I was hanging out with him. Well, as soon as you said you couldn't stop laughing, I was going to say, oh, so how often were you high on that show? I wasn't even. I wasn't even. I don't think I got high maybe once or at the most twice. I don't even, I don't think I got high maybe once or at the most twice. I don't even think I did twice through the entire time we were filming that show.

And if I did, it was always drinking. Like I was drunk at a party, you know, and someone says, hey, do you want to try a hit of this joint? I'm like, all right, come on. Hanging out with some comics. Party? What party am I going to? Party behind the comedy store. It's like I think that comedians are weird when it comes to consciousness.

Comedians are weird when it comes to our want to change our consciousness. Because so many of us have radical consciousness-altering things that we fight with. So many comics are hooked on either some form of drug, either speed, or there's a lot of comics that get hooked on coke. It's classic stories of Boston, where all these guys do a blow together. I've never seen, in my whole whole career i've never seen another comedian do a line of coke whoa isn't that crazy really yeah it's just who i run with you know that's amazing well you know i i appreciate that about you too that you're all you're really like uh you you've talked about coke like really poorly before you know that you'll say like why would you

fuck with that stuff i've never even i've never, I haven't either. Oh, you guys are missing out. I bet. You should try it once. Look, I bet we are. I believe that you should try it once, but I believe that about so many things that I'm not going to get around to, but most of those wouldn't lead to,

because if I did love it, I'm afraid I would want to do it again. I'm sure heroin, shooting heroin probably feels great. Yeah. But, you know, why take that risk? Do you have an addictive personality? No, Joe, I don't. I mean, Brian.

As he hits the pipe. Look, I don't think you should fuck with anything that really gets in your system like that. That's my feeling. I don't trust my system enough. that really gets in your system like that. That's my feeling. I don't trust my system enough. I,

I, I'm not a very, I don't get addicted to substances, but I've had like serious video games, addictions and other addictions in my life for sure. So when I see something that's like physically addictive to not just mentally, not like gambling, but like physically addictive, it gets in your system and you need me.

Yeah. I see what it does. Like people seem to be having a certain amount of fun on coke, but nobody's from the second they do it to the second the feeling goes away is just super happy about it the whole time. No, it's a horrible come down.

See, that's why I don't understand why anyone would be addicted to it because when you're coming down from it, and especially the next morning where you're like, I spent this much money for that? I feel like shit. I got a bloody nose. To me, I don't understand why you would ever do it again. I've done it

before here and there. Not too much. I used to do it more. Why are you recommending eating that one time if it's going to end so poorly? I think too many people are scared that they're going to be like, oh my god, I'm addicted. I love it. And it's not like that. I'm not as much scared of that as I just, it does not appeal to me.

Right. Needles in me, sniffing something up my nose, all that just does not, like I don't feel like that's going to be in my zone of comfort. Brian, you've been sick for like five days now, four or five days? Yeah. Do you smoke while you're sick? No. Not at all?

No. Well, that's a good thing. Like maybe you can quit days. Yeah. Do you smoke while you're sick? No. Not at all? No. Well, that's a good thing. Like, maybe you can quit now. Yeah. Like, maybe doing this, you could transition over to gum or some shit. I mean, I guarantee you that's going to make a big difference. Even e-cigarettes. I guarantee you that's going to make a big difference, that if you could do that.

That reminds me. I brought a really tasty weed cigarette that I got that somebody gave me yesterday, but it's unbelievable how good it tastes. I'm sure it doesn't get you very high, but yeah, it's got like a, it almost tastes like you're eating a scented candle or something. This is a trick. He's had that up his ass all day. Pulled it out right before the show. I'm going to get Joe and Brian to put that in their mouth. Yeah, obviously Doug is not

smoking from it first, so something is up. Even if you were. Okay, alright, I'll show you guys. You do this side thing where you're just like, ah! So it's tasty?

It's super tasty. Did you see that thing? Brian, can you try one hit of that? It's just vapor. I might be sick. Yeah, he's tasty. It's super tasty. Did you see that thing? Brian, can you try one hit of that? It's just vapor. I might be sick. Yeah, he's sick. You don't want to pass it back to me. My back is soaking wet. I don't worry about that sort of thing enough.

I know Joe is really, you're always conscious of it. Diseases? Well, if you're in a smoking circle and somebody looks like they're sick, you probably wouldn't hit that. No. No. No. You don't want to get that in your body. That's like a strong virus, a strong bug. It's getting there quicker than a handshake probably.

Way quicker. It's going to go right in. It's going to go right in. Your handshake has got to Google Maps and figure out where to. No, you don't get it from your hands. It's bringing your hands to your face after you've touched other people's hands. Exactly, exactly. So if you want to avoid getting sick, one of the big ones is make a concerted effort to not touch your face and wash your hands.

Yeah, I do that. Those are two big ones. Yeah, I really try it. Like, especially, you know, I play a lot of poker, so I'm playing poker with other people. You're touching all the cards all the time. Yeah. And everybody at the table is touching. And nobody's going to not play poker just because they have a cold or something.

So like I just train myself to like I just sit there and play and I never touch my face. That's smart. At all. That's smart. And then wash my hands as often as possible during it, you know. Another good thing, man, is this kind of shit. Probiotics. This is kombucha.

This is the real kombucha. I was super into that for a while i mean i got to the part where i like the taste of it you know because you know some people they just can't get past i love it yeah but it's my favorite thing to drink the very first time you drank when you loved it love it interesting delicious because people usually make that face they make the icky face well i don't drink i don't drink sweet drinks like i don't drink soda very rarely i'll have a't drink soda. Very rarely I'll have a Diet Coke. I'll treat myself.

If I'm out to dinner, I'm like, do I have a water or a Diet Coke? I'm going to get crazy and have a Diet Coke. But for the most part, I don't drink sweet beverages unless it's a juice. Do you have more of those in the fridge? Oh, yeah. Here, I mean? No, no, no, no. I'm sorry.

That's all right. I'm home. I brought it from my house. That's what I'm saying is I'd try one right now because what flavor is that? This is Gingerade. I like the – actually, the it from my house. That's what I'm saying is I'd try one right now because what flavor is that? This is Gingerade. I like the – actually the plain is my favorite. I like the standard one. You would like this, brother.

I would? Cocoa Cafe. Yeah. Are you sure? Thirsty for something delicious? This is delicious. Can I try one of those right now? Yeah, yeah.

We have those. Let me try that. Cocoa Cafe is espresso and coconut minner. Minner? Minner. Minner. Coconut water. I was going to say milk or water.

I was trying to figure out which one to go. I went with the middle. It tastes like chocolate milk. It tastes like Yoo-Hoo. Yeah. Oh, I love Yoo-Hoo. There you go, baby. Right there.

But it's much healthier than Yoo-Hoo? Oh, yeah. It's espresso and coconut water. That's all it is. Wow. Pasteurized coconut water. The way to get the sweetest, most delicious coconut water, you have to get companies that that pull it out

raw and when you get that my god is it good raw coconut water is fucking sensational but you don't really um it doesn't last that long so they pasteurize it and homogenize it so that they could stay on the shelf longer and what about this uh this packaging why is this a specific reason they put it in this instead of like can or something? That's a good question. I don't know. And you shake it up or anything? It's better for the environment. Yeah, I shake it a little bit because it's got two things in it, the coffee and the spray.

Is it better for the environment, those cardboard things? I think so. What, the big plastic thing at the top? Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't seem reusable. Speaking of shelf life, do you throw things away in your refrigerator when it's expired? Or do you usually go a little over? You can go over with dairy and meat.

But you shouldn't go over much with meat. You should smell it. If it smells gross to you, that's because it is gross. This is the greatest thing I've ever had. Cocoa cafe, it's delicious. It's great, right? Yeah, it's super delicious. Do you have them as a sponsor yet?

No, they just sent us free shit. Oh, that's Yeah, it's super delicious. Do you have them as a sponsor yet? No, no, they just send us free shit. Oh, that's good, that's good. Those caps, man, there's this fucking island somewhere, like 2,000 miles away from civilization, and all these birds are dying on this island because they're picking up shiny caps and plastic and shit that they find floating in the ocean, and they bring it back to their babies,

and they feed it back to their babies, and they feed it to their babies. So you find these, like, skeletons, and their stomachs are full of these bird, like, I mean, these pieces of plastic that was in the bird's belly. Stretch them out. It's disgusting, like, bottle caps and all this shiny shit and plastic things. Remember the plastic rings?

You used to always have to tear them apart so that, you know, if you cared about anything out in the ocean. Yeah. You don't have those to do that with anymore, but there's still plenty of crap that is just going to get out there and get eaten. You know what I love? I love when you talk about

something online, like especially do something like a podcast like this. If you bring up a subject, especially a subject that's like really serious, there's always going to be someone comes along and goes, it's not that big a deal. It's actually this. No matter how fucked up it is. There was a thing on the Pacific

Garbage Patch, and we were calling it an island of garbage, and they were like, well, it's actually not an island. It's actually just a bunch of stuff floating around together. It's more like an archipelago. I know it's not an island, silly goose. That's not what's important here. What's important here is there's a fucking Texas-sized hunk of garbage all swung together

and little particles that are floating around it. It's really, really, really, really, really, really, really fucking bad. Because we've only been putting that shit in the ocean for 200 years So how long do we have left? How much ocean do we have left until the ocean is all like the fucking the river right next to the Harlem, you know? What is that the East River? Yeah, which one is that? I think so Hudson the Hudson Well, how is that mean the Hudson is just we just and everyone knows the Hudson is polluted. That's just it. It's just polluted. It's just we accept it. We accept it.

It's right next to New York City. There's millions of people in New York City. There's just no way to keep it from being polluted. It's just there to land planes in, basically. It's crazy how we just accept that. That's still part of the fucking ocean. It's a part of the fucking ecosystem. It's right there.

And we just go, get out of there. That fucking river is a mess. We just totally accept the fact that we've completely ruined a giant river. That's how fucked up people are. We just say, but we're here. We're here, so that's fucked now. There's a giant river. How's that affecting my day-to-day life, Joe? I'm out here in California.

If it was clean, if you were in New York and it was clean, it would be a masterpiece. A beautiful, clean river right next to New York City would be fucking incredible. If it was totally removed of diseased fucking bodies that they throw out there

and all the fucking oil spills and leaks and barges. It would be amazing. It would be amazing. It would be fucking an incredible place. Like a beautiful, like the coast of Mexico. Like you go down to Cancun and the water's blue. It's like so fantastic.

Imagine if that was like all the way up to these coasts. They put drops in that water, though. Or if it was just at least that quality. I just stopped using eye drops because I finally I just finally said who am I trying

to hide it from that my eyes are red? Like just just fucking wear sunglasses. Robin Thicke style. They're probably disappointed when they

see you clear eyed. That's what I mean. Like you know it's so funny. I can't do do anything without people like we were talking about you being whether you're high on news radio i did like this little couple line part on friends and every time it gets rerun people write to me you were so high doing that and i'm like no that was me but i wasn't so high i was at i was at a movie movie studio lot you know, in a scene with Jennifer Aniston. So it wasn't like I was running around the corner hitting bowls every chance I got at the taping, you know.

But people just assume. They're just like, yeah, you're so fucked up all the time. Yeah, well, that's your thing, though, right? I guess. You do 420 shows, man. You do shows. I do. I do encourage it.

I'm not going to lie about that. And have you heard about my new web series? No, what is it? It's called Getting Doug with High. Oh, yeah, I did hear about this. And, yeah, maybe your people might have spoken to you. My people. Because, you know, there's people.

I have all these shows that I book myself, and this is finally one where the folks that are producing the show are going to book the guests. And so I could still follow up and say, hey, please do my show to friends of mine. But basically, I'm trying to take the booking out of my hands. It's one less thing I have to do. But that's why you'll probably get a call from someone other than me

because normally if I wanted you to do one of my podcasts, I'd call you up and say, do Doug loves movies. And you'd say, I don't know that much about movies. And I'd say, okay, thanks, Joe. I've done your podcast a couple of times. You did it, yeah. I really don't know that much about movies. And I'd say, okay, thanks, Joe. I've done your podcast a couple of times. You did it, yeah. I really don't know that much. You didn't love it, though.

You didn't love doing it. Well, I really love talking to you. I really love hanging out with you. Yeah, so we do this. Yeah, so we meet on your turf. I would be happy to do your show, but I just can't contribute that much. I don't know that much. Well, that's the thing about getting Doug with High,

is it's just we start at 4 15 pacific standard time it live streams i mean it's basically what you do but uh tighter and treating it more like a tv show like it's got like a talk show set right right and you know like we don't have the cans on but when we sit there me and the guest start smoking at 4 20 and smoke all the way to five o'clock and then the last thing that happens is when we're really, really high, I force my guests to watch a magic trick. Whoa. Where a magician runs in and does a trick for them.

Because nothing like watching a stoner watch a magic trick. A really good magician? Yeah, he's great. He's just a kid I know that does magic, but he's really good at it. I've never been a fan of magic. Me neither. But I don't like being tricked. I think it's probably because I'm a control freak.

That's why you hate that one show, Punk'd also. You hated that show. Well, that show was dangerous. They let people, like there was one where the guy from Travis, Blink 185, that guy, like 187 was what? 182.

Is that it? 182? Sorry. Listen, you take the 102 to the 10 West. Travis Barker, badass motherfucker, amazing drummer. I just forget the band's name. But there was some guy who got in his face

and he was like ready to go. Like he could have easily punched this guy. This guy was acting like a total douchebag for the show, you know? Trying to goad him into like a fight.

But I'm like, God, this is so close. Like this, you know, Travis is not a bitch. You know, you get in his face and start talking shit to him. He's ready to fucking kick your ass. He's just a regular dude with tattoos up to his chin. All right. He'll fuck you up.

You know, he was ready. And so I was like, this is a bad situation. Like they let it get to this. Well, like he got up and he was going to kick that guy's ass. They're going to go outside. And then, you know, he's like, oh, you're punked. Like, okay, you're lucky no one stabbed you i forgot who it was but steve razanese uh ran as easy he um uh it didn't ever air it on punk because the uh the athlete was so uh you know

wanted to protect his uh reputation but i forget who it was now, but he said a professional athlete that he went at pretty hard, almost took a swing at him. Dude, I would not do that to a professional athlete. God damn it. That's some scary shit. That's so stupid. Because you wake up unconscious and it's like, dude, I'm sorry, I did not know you were filming a TV show.

And it just fucks you up. That easily could happen. Did you ever see the time that, I think it was, was it Hulk Hogan dropped Richard Belzer on his head? He choked him unconscious. Yeah, choked him unconscious and then dropped him, and then he hit his head. Yeah, yeah. God damn. That shit is scary to watch.

Dude, Hulk Hogan's a giant. He's a fucking giant, man. He's a monster. I've met him, obviously. I interviewed him for one of the UFC shows. It was when he was doing TNA wrestling on Spike. Holy shit. See if you can find that. I sat behind him during that fight.

He just combed his hair with his little brush the whole time. Did he really? What a fancy. Pull that up. Pull that up. I interviewed Hulk Hogan. He's a giant human being, man. If that guy choked, and this is way back in the day.

He's had a gang of back surgeries and all sorts of other stuff go wrong with him because of all the hard days of wrestling. I'm sure he's probably lost height because they had to. Look how fucking big that dude is. He's fucking huge. I mean, I'm short, but God damn, that guy's big as fuck. He's fucking huge. I mean, I'm short, but goddamn, that guy's big as fuck. He's a giant. Thank you, my brother.

You know, to be here with Joe Mania, it doesn't get any better than this, brother. These guys are going to war out here. It's unbelievable. Now, you've been in some MMA fights before. This is one of the highlights of my life, by the way. I'm a huge fan, my brother. I sure am.

Now, I understand that you have recently announced a partnership with TNA Wrestling and its president, Dixie Carter. Look how bad I am at reading shit off of them. I've never seen you with a card out there at the fights. They make me do that. You know, they give you something. Hey, you're going to interview. Mostly Goldberg does these kind of things. I don't know why I wound up doing this one.

Maybe if I figured if I kept doing them so badly they'll eventually... I'm fine talking to those guys, but talking to them in a forum like that, we have to promote something very specific. It's hard to remember. Yeah, you gotta have the cards. I've got my cards on my new talk show because everybody that comes on, they're agreeing to

smoke weed on camera. So the least I can do is give them accurate plugs. For their trouble. The Hulk Hogan thing was like TNA wrestling. I really don't pay attention to wrestling, so if you want me to read something about wrestling, you've got to tell me what the fuck it is. That's where you'd probably look down just to catch TNA.

You're probably like, it's some sort of wrestling with initials. But if it was like an MMA bout, I wouldn't need any notes at all. You would never see me with notes. If Hulk Hogan came on, he was talking about fighting Brock Lesnar in a real cage fight, there would be no notes. Yeah, you'd just go out there and do it. It would be pretty simple. That guy's a giant dude, though.

If he choked your head and then let you go like that, that's dangerous. So I enjoyed that punk show, but I was like, yikes. I don't even enjoy watching it, because it makes me too... Even though there's always the reveal of the person finding out they got punked and going, it's still like they reach a level of ugliness that I would hate to reach while being filmed. And have a couple times. I know too many violent people. I know too many people that would fuck you up if you did something like that.

And then wouldn't even think that there was anything wrong with fucking you up because you thought you were probably going to fuck them up. Yeah, why wait for that to happen? Why wait to get fucked up? Yeah, like Timberlake. Did you see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't pull it up.

He's like sitting on the curb crying at one point. We can't show any of these. Isn't he? We shouldn't show any of these. We don't own them anyway. But yeah, and we're not talking nice about it. They got away with it. But look, I should talk because we got away with a ton of shit on Fear Factor we should have never done that what they did is nothing compared

to what we did on Fear Factor so I really should shut the fuck up like we had people ride bulls that was you didn't like show you didn't like you know show up at their place of work and doesn't matter it's them to write a bowl doesn't matter and then admit that you're it's just a TV show Justin Timberlake was stoned while being punked by Ashton Kutcher. That's hilarious. Oh, that was his excuse for crying about losing all of his stuff. He said he gave up marijuana after that episode of Punk'd. Oh, well then

you know what? That's bullshit. That is... He's the punk. We could use a guy like Justin Timberlake on our side. Trust me, dude. It ain't bad. You were freaked out because they were punking you, man.

It was an act of aggression. Plus, you're super duper- Oh, I think he still smokes. Duper, duper, duper famous. I think he still smokes. I think that was just a, you know- I mean, Snoop Dogg has had a press release saying he stopped smoking. That was a while ago. That's silly.

But it's still, like, anybody who says that, it's like, well, for now. For a reason. They're quitting for, like, anybody who says that, it's like, well, for now. For a reason. They're quitting for a reason, but they'll be back. Poseyn. I ran into Poseyn at Disneyland. Oh, yeah? How was he? He's back on the weed.

Well, I saw him at a comedy festival, so, of course, hanging out with the other comics. I was happy he was back. Out on the road, he was going to do something. I respect the fact that he realized that he needed to get his shit together. And so that was sort of his thing. Once he got his shit back in line, he just felt like he was using it a little bit too much. Just too much, yeah. And it's like he's high around his kid all the time.

You want to be present for your children. Yeah, and you also want to make sure that you're not out of control. You don't have that feeling of whatever it is. If it's fucking coffee, if you're down in of control. That feeling of, whatever it is, if it's fucking coffee, if you're down in coffee all day every day and you just get up in the morning and you just zombie towards that coffee, slow down.

Yeah. Stop. I don't ever judge anyone for not smoking or never smoking. That's part of the thing to me. It's always amazing to me. I'll get messages from people. I'm like, I could smoke you under the table.

I'm like, so? That's what smoking weed is about? That's new being the best at it being aggressive about it like no it's about having fun and you know enjoying yourself dudes though everything's about that well sure that some people are just so tightly wound that even weed's not gonna you know relax them that much But I think it helps everybody that, you know, most people that use it. It can be overused like anything. Yeah, it certainly can. But you're right about most people, a lot of people rather, being tightly wound. Yeah, I mean, that's part of why I like it is because I'm kind of a nervous, anxious person by nature.

And, you know, smoking all the time just helps me to just relax and not worry about shit so much. Yeah. And I still worry about it. It's not like I'm checking out completely. You know what I mean? It's more like you're just opening your mind to, you know, lots of stuff and hopefully, you know, enough good stuff that, you know, that you can not worry the other – When you have kids, though. Jesus Christ. I've got so many ideas right now. They you have kids, though. Jesus Christ.

I've got so many ideas right now. They're flowing like a river. None of them are. You're trying to catch salmon. Yeah, I'm just saying that it not only relaxes me, but it also helps me to write and think of things. Oh, most definitely. It's not all just one thing that it does.

No, I think it's very beneficial. But I think that people develop patterns, and sometimes those patterns get out of control. It's really easy for a person, especially of comedic tendencies, someone who's got that kind of impulsive nature to them anyway, they can just get out of control with something. So sometimes it's good to just right the ship. Yeah. So sometimes it's good when a guy does that. Absolutely. Yeah. He was smoking all day, every day.

Like, there's some days where I'll wake up and I'll sit around for a while and I, you know, won't smoke because I... 10, 20 minutes. It's not like, oh, I just woke up, I have to do this, you know? It's what I have to do to get through the day. I never have that feeling about it, you know? It's more like I'll do it when I do it. Do you see the thing about the TSA?

TSA is going to let people bring weed on planes. What? How much and from anywhere to anywhere? Because a lot of states are still illegal. To where the idea being that it's going to be a don't ask, don't tell sort of situation. And if you're bringing weed, say if you have a license in Massachusetts and you also have a license in Los Angeles, you find from Los Angeles where you have a license to Massachusetts where you have a license in Massachusetts and you also have a license in Los Angeles, you're fine. From Los Angeles where you have a license to Massachusetts where you have a license,

you're good to go. I think you can only get a license in the state you live in, though. Is that true? I think so. Well, you need to buy real estate in other places, bro. You need to be a multi-baller if you want to fly with weed. Do you still have property in Colorado? Is that why?

Imagine if you did that. You had a fucking house that you kept everywhere in every state just so you could fly with your weed. That would be the ultimate baller. Yeah. Dude, I'm legal in every state, and I got to— You could still do it anyway. Yeah. I mean, I don't recommend flying with a lot of it, but the TSA is not—their job is not to find—it's not to, you know—

They're looking for weapons. Arrest people for minor drug crimes. Like, they're looking for shit that's gonna cause everybody to die to die yeah but they have busted people before i mean it happens warwick got caught with a bunch of joints in her um it's like a lipstick how long ago was that i don't know i think it's been a while because like because like you don't hear of celebrity pot busts that much anymore and um you know if they were still going on you would hear even more about them because there's tmz and everything that's just looking for those stories right yeah no i definitely

think that they're looking for weapons more than looking for anything but i go to the airport a lot i've never seen anybody pulled aside you know for for anything but like you know well what they do is they call the cops yeah i mean you never see actual cops cruising around in the airport that much other than driving around outside. They don't like cars to stop. When they're picking people up, the cops keep it moving. Well, it depends on where you are. If you're in Texas, you very well could see that. Not only that, you could see someone going to jail for weed.

For real. No doubt about it. If they pull you over for a stop violation and they find weed on you, there's a lot of cops that'll put you in jail in Texas. That's legit. California, the laws are so lenient right now that we have the medical marijuana and then we also have decriminalization. Arnold Schwarzenegger passed that when he got out of office. Yeah, real quietly. Nice and silently. It was the best thing that he ever did. And what it means is that you can't go to jail for it, which is, you know,

makes sense. It's fucking ridiculous. We're still in this weird sort of a wrestling match with reality when it comes to that drug. It's just an easy way to round up people that aren't white is what these minor drug offenses are. The prisons are full of people that

are Hispanic and black, and they had three strikes that are all just like, you know, three pot things in a row or something, and now they're in jail. Yeah, the whole private prison industry is a very... What are you doing, Brian? That's Doug Benson doing the Oculus Rift. This has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about, but it is funny. Brian made a vine of me wearing the Oculus.

There's nothing to do with what we're talking about. Crazy glasses, yeah, but it was funny when it happened because I didn't know he was filming me. There was an article on Boing Boing the other day about prison profiteers extracting billions by exploiting prisoners and their families. It's really fucking scary shit. I don't know how much the prison system influences the way laws are formed, but the idea that they could possibly do that at all is really creepy. The idea that you're benefiting from people being in your jails, profiting from people being in your jails, profiting from people

being in your jails, and spending money to try to promote laws that would keep people from getting away with certain crimes so that you can profit off of them. You're trying to make things illegal. We all know while they're there, whatever criminal acts that they don't know how to do or haven't done, they learn all about it while they're in prison. This is very scary. And then they go back out and that's all they know. What else are they going to do? Yeah.

It's really fucking strange. And there's also, they're talking about the issue with people getting sick in prison. They're talking about the cruelty of the prison medical contractors who ration vital treatments to prisoners, leaving them in agony and worse. For example, correctional medical services discourages treatment for hepatitis, leaving prisoners with hep C to slide into permanent

profound disability. Ugh. Wow. That's insane. That's super messed up. That's insane. They put you in a cage, and then they don't provide you with medical attention if you're dying of a curable disease. Or at least a treatable disease. That's fucking scary. That means they're not responsible for keeping you healthy or alive.

Like, they can just treat you as a subhuman and put you in a cage. I mean, I guess maybe it would depend on what kind of a person you are. If you're some guy who went into a school and you start shooting kids, yeah, I don't really think you should get any fucking medicine. But that's a very rare, small segment of our population that really should be snuffed out. Like, there's no sense in keeping those people alive. Like, that kind of situation, someone is a fucking mass shooter.

He's either going to go out and do that sort of thing again someday if ever or they're just going to sit in jail for the rest of like it's just a waste of everybody's time and money so anybody else horrible horrible person can yeah i mean so anybody else that's you're not treating like what do you do you're going to let them die and and fall apart of something you've got the medicine right there and you can just give it to them? Like, how much money do you guys make per prisoner? How much money does this fucking thing make a year?

Like, what's going on here? You guys are making how much? You guys are making millions and millions and millions of dollars off of prisons? Like, it's a money-generating machine. That's fucking terrifying. That said, if they're, like, rapists or murderers, it's not going to, I'm, you know, I'm not going to feel bad. We have more people in prison per capita than any

other country. And it's by far, it's not just by a small margin. Oh, it's a massive amount. Yeah, it's a massive amount. But you know, the argument is that's also why America's so safe. out but you know the argument is that's also why America so safe no place is safe well when you're around other human beings yeah yeah well when there's disparity and when when there's poverty and when there's people that are ignored and marginalized that's the you know there's an issue in this country where everybody's like hey people should pull themselves up by their bootstraps. And I agree to a certain extent. I agree if your conditions are optimal, if you don't have health issues, if you are not in a terrible, violent neighborhood

trapped in this horrible school system, if all those factors aren't, then yeah, you should probably pull yourself by your bootstraps. Stop fucking crying. Because you could be one of those kids. You could be someone whose situation is fucked from the jump. And there's nothing you can do about it. Everyone's abusing you. You've got people hitting you. There's violence around you. You don't know

what, you don't know how to read. You're fucked. Your whole situation's fucked. So to tell those people to pull themselves by their bootstraps, who's going to teach them how to do that? Who's going to teach them how to develop character? Who's going to teach them how to develop character? Who's going to teach them to eliminate bad behavior patterns? You know how fucking difficult it is to change a person as opposed to develop a person? It's insanely difficult. So in that sense, we're really ridiculous that we ignore the impoverished sections of our cities. It's ridiculous to allow that to ever happen.

That should never be taking place and everybody's like Oh, that's an utopian idea Exactly. Yeah, and it's by the way, it's not like putting people on fucking Mars. It's a utopian concept that can be achieved Yeah, it's a utopian concept that using a fraction of the money we use to support these fucking corrupt Dictators all throughout the world a fraction of that could clean up every fucking city in America easily. Easily. Yeah, people say that, you know, people think that the idea of food stamps is that those people are all just, you know, living on the dole or whatever

and just like kicking back and getting the money. And it's like $1.50 per person in your family per day is not, you're not living the life. You're struggling to get by and you're probably all fat because the food you're eating is all just disgusting, you know, dollar burgers at McDonald's. And that's the shit you're feeding to your kids because you can't afford, it's like,

the system is set up to keep the poor to create more poor. I don't think it's set up that way. I think it takes advantage of poor people. Yeah, yeah. It takes advantage of poor people and poor people also get stuck in a rut. I mean, it's true. We don't have a class system in this country. This is a country where a person can be poor and can be really good at something and then eventually want to be a wealthy person because of that.

This is a very rare situation like that where a rapper can go from being in an impoverished neighborhood to being an A celebrity, like a Jay-Z guy who's a great A. Music and sports. Yeah, music, sports. To some extent, other forms of performing, but it's hard. How do you develop that skill if you're poor? Exactly. And you have to work all the time or be starving all the time.

And when you don't have any guide, you don't have role models. We need to learn from older people. And like I said before, it's way harder to change someone. Once they become a certain way, it's way hard to accept that you are fucking up, that your personality has holes in it,

that you're psychotic, you're abusive, you're manipulative. Whatever it is that's wrong with you. You can't be told that things by other people without you becoming defensive. Almost everybody does. Yeah. Almost everybody does.

They don't want to hear it. Yeah. And so changing is super fucking hard to do. But when someone inspires you and you're around people that are admirable and someone cares about you and they show you the benefits of living a certain way, they instruct you on the benefits of being positive and friendly, you could change entire generations. Just massive change throughout our entire country. If we just established some community centers where we made sure there was plenty of cops around, that everything was safe, we cut way back on the crime by putting money into these areas and making areas where people can feel safe, where kids can feel safe after school, where they're going to meet like counselors

and coaches and people that were happy to be working there helping these young kids and teaching them how to play games get along with each other teaching a little bit about character and and having a place where they know that they don't have to worry they're gonna get food for sure they're gonna get someone who cares about them for sure they're gonna get people that can instruct them and various elusive aspects of life when you're a young man or a young woman and you're growing up in a terrible neighborhood.

We don't take care of that. And that's one of the reasons why we have to worry about bad neighborhoods. It's one of the reasons why we have to worry about poverty. It's because people have just been fucking shit on from the moment they came out of their mother's womb. They just never got a break. And that's not fair. And they see people like you or like I or like

You know nice white people that live in nice neighborhoods that have never really experienced anything horrible like that And they almost feel like you stole something. They feel like you stole something from them. Why us why instead of them exactly? It's all just it's a cosmic luck of the draw, but it seems like it's the utopian concept is achievable in that way, that you can at least have a massive impact on the society if you started taking care of its young a little bit better, or helping them take care of its young, relieving a little bit of the burden. And the idea that it creates more welfare welfare creates more welfare

and you know people creates people that can't help themselves it doesn't have to be it's not it does not have to be you there's there can be a way to do it where you're trying to help people help themselves and it's just set up like that the amount of money we spend in rebuilding places that we explode is fucking staggering when you you look at the amount of money military contractors got for rebuilding Iraq, and they just built shit that they didn't even need, like water treatment plants. Like, well, we got to build one, so we're going to put one right here. We've got a contract to do this. Yeah.

There was a lot of complaints about that kind of shit. It's just like they had to spend an X amount of money to justify the amount of money that was coming to them. So they're constantly doing shit and making money. The newest TSA machines are all that's some government contract paid for those and paid off

somebody to supply all the airports with them. You know, the ones where you have to stand with your hands over your head? Not only that, the guy who sold it to them, one of the machines at least, he used to work for the TSA. He used to be the president of the machines at least, he used to work for the TSA. He used to be the president of the TSA. And then he leaves and makes this fucking machine, gets involved, and then sells it to the TSA.

It's like, what the hell? But the TSA is not like a government organization. The TSA is like a private organization. So it's actually a normal thing. You think it's government because they're checking your shit and they're going through your underwear and stuff. But it's really not. So they work for the government. Yeah, yeah. So that's why, like, if you had some weed on you, they'd have to call a cop.

They can't arrest you. They can't do shit. I think they just say, you know. They bring a cop over. No, they say throw it out or something. You hope. No, I mean, anecdotally, that's what I always hear is that that's the worst thing that happens. But also, again, these are white friends of mine with a very small amount of weed on them.

Yeah, and it's probably happening in California, in El Paso. Yeah, yeah. And it's like you were saying earlier, though. I mean, it's going to – there's definitely like – I think that Oregon and Washington and maybe Colorado, maybe all of those, you can fly from state to state if you have a card in one of them, I think. Yeah, those are two things I don't want to hear when I'm getting on a plane with weed. Maybe, and I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Possibly.

That sounds like a disaster. But that's the trouble with hanging out with stoners, though, and talking to them about these things is people will tell you emphatically things that aren't true. You know, like they'll just say, no, you got your card. You could definitely fly there. And they don't. That's something they heard from another dude. Well, tell me if you think this is true.

Here's one of those. Do you think that I've read this online and I'm very curious because I think I might be just feeding this problem that this U.S. shutdown, the shutdown of the u.s has driving traffic to sugar daddy sites and these sugar daddy sites a sugar daddy site is where like a girl can go and like people can like bid on taking her on a date i guess like old rich dudes who got you know some fucking billionaire dudes got some cash and listen i'm just looking at your profile i'll pay your rent like what's up, let's work something out. Yeah.

They went up 50%. Why? I don't know. That's my question. Do you think that that's true or do you think that that's a really smart business move by this company to release a press statement saying that their business went up 50%? Because we're talking about them. We're talking about them now.

Is this a new sponsor that you're not talking about? No, it's not a sponsor. I'm just confused. But what would the direct connection be between the shutdown and that going up? Because it's like all the shutdown has done is furloughed a lot of people that probably aren't and never will be sugar daddies. And it's not necessarily making the people that are rich more money because of the shutdown, is it? No, I think the idea is that there's a bunch of people that don't more money because of the shutdown is it no i think the idea is that there's a bunch of people that don't have jobs now and so so they have nothing better to do than go and bid

on dates no no the girls the girls oh you're saying more girls are going there more girls are checking it out exactly you i can't imagine that these girls are following the news closely enough to to know that the government might is shutting down that we might default on the on the debt i don't know i really i don't know, that we might default on the debt. I don't know. I don't know. And that they're that panicked about it, what it's going to do to them directly. Well, it could be that someone who is already financially in a bad situation and then they see something like the government shutting down.

They're starting to panic because Obama is saying stuff like we might go into a worse recession than the one we were just in. Exactly. If we don't settle this debt ceiling thing. So, yeah. So that's possible. I thought you meant that there's more guys with money trying to get these girls. But it just seems like not a coincidence, but it just seems like it's probably going to be on a steady rise for a while until the economy gets better. What does that mean, though?

They're saying it's sudden. They're saying it's a sudden spike. sudden. They're saying it's a sudden spike. Yes, they're saying it's a 50% jump since the government shut down. I don't know. I can't see those two being connected. I joined one of those websites recently, Joe. Did you really? Seekingarrangement.com

and what you do is... Wait a minute, is this a fucking sponsor? Tell us all about it. And have you used the coupon code? No. It's so weird, man. There's just people that you just tell them how much money you make and do this and that, and they just attack you. It seems like there would be a smart move. If you were just looking to find people to meet, it seems like a website. Are you interested in your money?

No. Is it only your money? Pretty much. You don't enter in anything else, like what you do or what your interests are? You don't have to write anything? Well, I've had so many messages since I just recently did this as a joke, and I only have one photo, and it's a blurry photo because I didn't want anyone to see my face. And it's not your real name?

No. And it's like, that's my photo. Look how blurry that is. It's pretty blurry. I did it on purpose. Now people are going to see that and start trolling you, dummy. I wasn't really using this as like I'm going to even check it. I did it on purpose. Now people are going to see that and start trolling you, dummy. I wasn't really using this as, like, I'm going to even check it. I forgot all about it.

Anyway, my point is, do you think that there's a panic in the air, and that's why these sugar daddy websites get an upswing of traffic? That's the idea. Maybe, yeah. Maybe. Maybe more women are giving up. More women are giving up? Is that what you're going to say? Well, giving up on the idea of just, you know,

I don't want to say that they're not willing or able to stand on their own, but there seems to be some women in society that are fine with the idea of meeting a man with some money and then just doing whatever. They're not necessarily...

Well, if the guy's nice. Yeah, but they're not necessarily... Well, if the guy's nice. Yeah, but they're not necessarily like... Every woman I meet seems to not be interested in money these days, but that's... That just might be

just because... You're hanging out with a bunch of liars. Yeah. Well, I think... I mean, nobody's ever... I don't feel like anybody's ever come on to me

because I have a little bit of money. Well, you're a smart guy who's not hanging around with a bunch of assholes, but without a doubt, there are people that will hang out with you just because they think that somehow or another they can profit from it. You could definitely stumble into the wrong crowd.

Yeah, yeah. You haven't, but you certainly could. There's a weird thing where people worry about what other people will do for money. If there's some gal who's married to some 60 year old guy she's 24 and she's driving a Ferrari and you're like oh this is bullshit like what do you care yeah like why would you care at all why would you care what she does why would you care what he does those two are working it out and chances are they're you know especially the guy is probably also still kind of miserable you know because it's not it's not a real relationship but it's fuck knows? But it's what he's settling for or what he's enjoying at the time, so why not?

It is possible. It's also possible that they like each other. That's possible too. It's not as likely. But it's possible. Or they like each other for reasons. She's hot and he's got money. Exactly.

So they both get something out of it. She struggled. He's a materialist and he likes taking care of people, makes them feel good. I do like that. I do fall into that trap. I very much like taking care of people. Do you like that, though, just because you're nice? You know, because it's a nice thing to be able to help someone out.

When you meet someone and you see that they're struggling and you help them, it's a nice feeling to be able to do. Well, I had an idea when you were talking earlier about why not start like Joe Rogan fight camps for underprivileged kids. It's a good idea. You want to organize it? You want to be the CEO? You want to be the president? Yeah, I know, right?

Now the scammers will start coming out. That's another thing you have to be really careful of when you get involved. The weird things that people come up to you with. Well, any charities. You want to find out when you get involved in a charity whether or not it's legit. Yeah. Because unfortunately, there have been illegit charities. I've retweeted things sometimes because I think, you know, it pulls on my heartstrings.

I'm like, oh, I'll try to help these people. And then I immediately get all these emails back. That place is a scam. That's a... You just gave me a virus, you fuck. Yeah, or whatever it is. Yeah. So it's hard to not to not you know retweet those

things but well do you remember coney remember coney no that's one of the examples where people are all over my shit just because i tried to help i watched the video and was moved by it and was like okay everybody should watch this yeah and then immediately oh that guy you know yeah a few weeks later he's running around naked in the streets. Yeah. That was one of my favorite moments in all of civilization because it was so absurd. It was so quick, immediate, all-encompassing. Everyone was, Kony 2012. There was bumper stickers and t-shirts. I saw them everywhere.

I saw posters. I saw so much about it in the news. I saw it on websites all the time. And then, boom, gone. I i mean in a flash it was the flavor of the month literally it lasted about a month and after it was over millions of dollars had been exchanged one guy had ran around beating off in the street naked and you never heard from him or anything to do with it ever again yeah coney's just still doing his thing i guess i don't know what the fuck he was doing in the first place isn't that place like flooded

with guys like that i think so i think that's what part of it was is like you know oh sure that's that's a good cause but that's not going to solve the you know the overall problem and that there's many evil people like that. Yeah. Yeah, Africa is, I always say that if you want to find the apocalypse, you could find it right now, 2013, in Africa. Like, if you watch that Vice documentary on Liberia, have you ever seen that? Captain, or General Butt Naked,

dude used to take off all his clothes and run naked and fucking killing people in war. Would eat children's hearts. Cut the enemy's children's heart. Take their children, cut their heart out and eat it. See, that's a guy that just needs to find weed and just settle the fuck down. He's still alive. He's responsible for thousands of deaths, including

children that he ate. Ate their hearts. Still alive and was forgiven because now he's a Christian preacher. Oh, okay. of deaths, including children that he ate, ate their hearts, still alive and was forgiven because now he's a Christian preacher. Oh, okay. Yeah. Insane. Yeah.

People are trying to, you know, they're trying to. He's born again. So he's, you know, it's like he's a different person. Yeah. Came out of his mother's vagina all over again. But it's, when you watch them interviewing him, man, in Liberia, it's fucking crazy. That was our boy Shane. It was like one of the best, most in-depth pieces I've ever seen on a country in massive turmoil.

Where this guy, General Butt Naked, was talking about how he knows what human flesh tastes like. And he found a vendor that was selling meat on the corner. It was human flesh. And he had to tell the police because he knows what flesh tastes like like he's eating so many people he knows what people taste like so when they're serving people is like this is not cow this is people you know he brings over the cops and they arrest that guy meanwhile he's eating babies and because he's got a Bible they're letting him roam the streets that's way crazier than Mad Max that

that that's way crazier than Thunderdome two men and one man leave he ate babies okay he cut their hearts out and now he talks about an old reads from an old book and because of that he's allowed to just roam the streets responsible for thousands of deaths it's uh it's a crazy place man that's a crazy place he and he was forgiven did you uh have you heard about that movie the act of killing um what is that that's the these old genocidal you know dudes that were involved in genocides are like telling the stories and reenacting uh the the way in cambodia the way they kill people yeah and it's uh it's supposedly, I mean, everyone says it's a great film,

but I haven't watched it yet because it just sounds so horrible to see these people who got away with this shit bragging about it. I can't do that, man. It's supposed to be a great film, though. Oh, I'm sure it's great. Because they get these guys to reenact scenes where they kill people using old movies like Scarface and stuff like that. Please shut this up.

Oh, is that what it is? Did Brian put it up there? I don't want to watch that. But it's, yeah, that movie's really, people describe it as an extremely intense experience. Oh, I'm sure. Human beings are incredible, weird things. And we're capable of some really fucking heinous things. Really heinous acts.

Yeah, and could that ever change? Is it possible for... Well, it's definitely changing. There's way less of it. Sure. I think if you look at the actual numbers of human beings in comparison to what they were just 100 years ago or 200 years ago, and then you factor in the amount of death and murder and chaos, and it's probably safer now than ever before.

Probably. Maybe debatable. Because now we can wipe out the larger numbers quicker. Everybody lives longer, for sure. For sure. So, you know, it's very debatable. But there's still no question that there's areas of the world right now where they live in just as chaotic a situation as has ever existed. The people in Africa, like, is a perfect example.

Somalia. You know, those people that were forced to become pirates because all their fishing waters were polluted by European businesses. That movie with Tom Hanks looks intense. Very intense. That's the origin of that. You know, they call themselves the Volunteer Coast Guard of Somalia. That's what they call themselves.

They all started doing that because these fucking guys had no fish anymore. These Europeans would dump waste off the shore and just polluted everything, killed everything. And so these poor fucking people, they started kidnapping these boat captains that dumped this stuff off the shore and just polluted everything, killed everything. And so these poor fucking people, they started kidnapping these boat captains that dumped the stuff off the shore. They would find the oil slick and follow the boat. Yeah, yeah. They started getting way, way more money doing that than they ever got fishing.

So they were like, fuck fishing. And they just became kidnappers. So now they're just these gangster, crazy fucks that have nothing to lose, and they're on this thing called cat which is a it's it's a it's a it's a leave that you chew and It's got like a narcotic effect like a stimulant effect not narcotic like almost like amphetamines and They they chew this shit and make some bonkers. So the ethos drug they they're literally methed out with submachine guns

Yeah, that's right triggered out with submachine guns. Yeah, they're just trigger happy. Trigger happy, methed out. I guess in some cases they've got, you know, if they kill everybody, then they're cutting into how much money they could potentially make. Right. Because they hold these things for ransom. So they can't kill everybody, but they still probably are so crazy that sometimes, you know, it's hard to keep control of all your men, right?

Exactly. I'm sure there's situations like that. This Captain Phillips movie, it's the same guy who did those first two Bourne movies and the United, whatever the flight number was. I don't know why I can't ever remember that. I guess because it's such an unpleasant idea that the movie was named after a flight number was. I don't know why I can't ever remember that. I guess because it's such an unpleasant idea that the movie was named after a flight that crashed.

What was it, 93? Yeah, Flight 93. Yeah, Paul Greengrass did that. And so this is going to be the same level of intensity, I think. Have you seen Gravity? Doug, you sound like a guy who loves movies. I do. Have you seen Gravity?

No, I haven't seen it. I think you'd like that. Yeah, you'll love it. People are giving Neil deGrasse Tyson shit on Twitter, man. Oh, my God. About what? All these people are angry at him. Because he said things that are inaccurate or something?

Yeah. Who cares? But you know what? If you know him, he would have said those things with a big smile on his face. Yeah, I don't mind that. And he also said that he enjoyed it. Yeah, I don't mind that he's pointing out the inaccuracies. I just say, who cares?

Because it's one of those things where the movie just has to get me to a point where i believe what's happening in the movie yeah you know that it's it's telling a good story and it doesn't seem fake or stupid yeah you know and i'm just a layman you know yeah well that's what people are giving them a hard time about like lawyers can't watch about not having a suspension of disbelief for a movie like this yeah and people were making fun of them, saying, like, you're always the guy who's trying to push science, and here's a movie that shows space, and that you weren't into it.

It's really interesting. I was reading these people attacking him, but he's right, first of all. Everything he's saying is correct. And if he was saying it in front of you, he would be smiling, and you would love it. Like, a lot is lost in text, especially when he said that it like a lot is lost in text especially

when he said that it was a good movie yeah it's a fun movie but you know a lawyer goes to any movie that takes place in a courtroom they're going to tell you every fucking thing that's not accurate and then it's the power of that individual movie to overcome that you know like it's it's just a version of space that's being sold to us for entertainment You know, it's not a documentary He wrote my tweets after everybody went after him He wrote my tweets hardly ever convey opinion mostly perspectives on the world But if you must know I enjoyed gravity very much So he enjoys gravity every day because he would hate to just float away

Me like mysteries of gravity nearly all satellites order orbit earth west to east yet all satellite debris portrayed orbited east to west okay he's just right i mean it's all he's saying i mean and there's nothing it's not going to ruin my my of the movie. I remember there was a movie a long time ago called Krakatoa East of Java about a volcano, and Krakatoa is West of Java. It was just wrong right there in the title. Yeah, so a little vending out. And there's not much gravity in Gravity, as it turns out. Yeah.

Mysteries of Gravity. Why Bullock's hair, in otherwise convincing zero-G g scenes did not float freely on her head so he's just basically he was talking about the actual scientific inaccuracies of the movie yeah she looks good when she's floating around in her little like uh sports outfit basically my take is if you're gonna fucking make a movie like this talk to neil degrasse tyson first throw homeboy a couple grand, and give him the script and say, hey, dog, let us know if there's some shit in here that doesn't fly.

Because you're talking about fucking science, and he's an astrophysicist. I mean, he's the guy who's going to know about it. But, you know. No, I mean, why didn't they do that? No one watching it knows the difference when the debris- Why? He knows. You're just going, holy shit, look at that debris that's crashing into them.

Right. It's so exciting. But couldn't it have just been the right way? Couldn't it have been west to east? Maybe. Whichever one was the right way? I don't know. Why not do it that way? We've got to talk to Alfonso Curon. Maybe it's an alternate universe where,

in our universe, this didn't really happen. In the alternate universe, it travels in a different direction. And the zero G has no effect on your hair. In the alternate universe. Maybe they just got super dope hairspray in the future and just slap that bitch on no matter how much the wind blows it just looks so natural it sits there perfectly it's like a shield she's a pomade i just wasn't really looking at her hair personally what were you looking at her feet she's in this like little outfit she's actually her haircut makes her look like uh she's wearing like a green shirt and she has a haircut,

so she kind of looks like Peter Pan floating around. Interesting. But she's still... I've always liked Sandra Bullock as a person and I always thought she was attractive, but man, is she in dumb movies all the time. So I'm just excited she's in something that I like. And it's only 90 minutes long.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. So you didn't like that cop movie with her and the dude from Mike and Molly? The dude? Melissa McCarthy. I haven't seen that one. I meant to because I like Bridesmaids and the director Paul Feig. The dude from Mike and Molly is actually

my friend, Billy Gardell. Super nice guy. Very good dude. Crazy nice. Very funny guy. Yeah. He's a sweetheart. Yeah. Love that guy.

So, yeah, I think she's very funny, but I didn't see that Identity Thief movie that she was in because it got such bad reviews. Oh, yeah. That looked like ass. Yeah. But the heat looks okay. It looks fun. I just haven't seen it yet. Well, with a chick like that,

like really over the top, hilarious, like it's all about finding the right vehicle. You know, there's not that many fucking vehicles. No,

that's part of the problem is that they're just, you know, they're just going to throw, she's going to make two or three movies a year. Yeah. And some are going to be

better than others. There's also, when you start making a movie, you think it's going to be really good. And then halfway in, you're like, oh, this is a wretched piece of shit I'm involved in. I mean, that's... That can happen.

Jason Bateman's been in a lot of crappy comedies, but there's hardly a funnier comedic actor. He just, you know, he's just got to be in the... It's impossible to just be in good ones. Yeah, that's why it sucks being an actor, man. You've got to wait around for someone to give you a good role. Well, he... That's... Bateman just switched over to... he directed his most recent movie.

Really? Yeah, it's called Bad Words, and I guess people loved it at the Toronto Film Festival. Well, he's a famous guy and a very successful guy. He can do stuff like that, but to be a regular actor trying to make it, like, God damn, what a grind. Just waiting to get picked up, waiting for someone to say you can do it, and there's so many. And by the way, here's the real fucking problem.

It ain't that hard. It ain't that fucking hard. You can take athletes and they can act and do a really fucking good job. How about that? How about people have done acting in a big movie for the first time and kicked ass. It's happened several times. Way more than anyone's ever done that. Than an actor has ever played in the NBA and kicked and kicked ass. It's happened several times. Way more than anyone's ever done that, than an actor has ever played in the NBA and kicked some fucking ass.

That shit's never happened once, not in the history of the universe. But athletes have gone over and acted very successfully, and it looks good, you know? I mean, even like pro wrestlers, you know? Like we're talking about Hulk Hogan. Dude, Hulk Hogan can act. I mean, he acts over the

top most of the time but if you gave him a role where it was actually acting i bet he could pull it off quite nicely dice was great in the new woody allen movie dice is not an athlete i don't know where you're going with this because he's just a big guy who's like you know i mean i've always thought he was a good actor but he hasn't he obviously hasn't had the greatest uh acting career and uh i thought he was really good in the movie. I heard he was amazing. My point was just that not only can the individual probably learn pretty easily how to act,

but also that performances could be gotten by good directors. Yes. Obviously they have a choice of different takes and different reads and stuff, and they can make somebody that's not that great at it still look pretty good. That's certainly possible, especially if someone works hard at it, which is what a lot of athletes have done. A lot of athletes work hard. Not everybody can give Daniel Day-Lewis performances like he does in Lincoln and My Left Foot,

because what actors are winning roles where they don't look or sound anything like the character they're going to be playing. They're only being cast because of how brilliant they are and everyone knows that they'll get there. Right. That they'll make it work. You know, like him and Sean Penn and a couple others. You know, lately Al Pacino seems to put on a different crazy wig for every movie where

he's playing a real life person. Right. But they all act like Pacino. But it's like great acting is like the really, really great acting, most actors don't get that much opportunity to do that kind of acting. Those roles don't exist for them. That transforming into something else. And those roles always go to someone rich.

No one got to audition to play Raging Bull. You know what I mean? De Niro said, I'll get in the way. Let's just do this. Those roles are going to go to someone who's like a huge draw. Those roles are going to go,

the first person who's going to get it is like a Russell Crowe type character. Or, you know, reputation is helpful too. Like Sam Rockwell works a lot because he's always great

even though he's still not a household name, you know. Is he? He's not a household name? No. Like B, C level household name? I guess.

I don't like B, C, and D very much. It is gross. I apologize. But that movie Moon that he did was fucking sensational. That was really good. Yeah, he's really a really good actor. But, you know, sometimes enough of a chameleon that that makes it hard for not only the public to track him, but also know for him to be cast and stuff you know it's like oh who's that guy you know because he's he's always so good and and so different he was so good in that movie moon because it was that

was a really subtle role and it was a role where the entire movie was basically i don't want to say i should stop myself right there i don't want to say what the entire movie just go watch it i don't want to give you a spoiler. I can't even say what he does in the movie. Very, very interesting movie. Very intense and interesting movie. It just shows his range from that to the Iron Man character that he does. Brian,

go to my Twitter and there's a thing that I retweeted earlier today from Dan Carlin, a hardcore history guy. He put up a trailer of uh genghis khan and the mongols from like the john wayne era they did a movie yeah john wayne played genghis khan it's so bad oh my god it's brilliant it's uh if you go to my twitter it's the third one down you got it look at this crank this up so you can hear this.

Wait till you hear John Wayne as Genghis Khan. First of all, Genghis Khan was fucking Chinese. All right? Yeah. Look at this. That's the great Khan, John Wayne. Listen to him talk as Genghis Khan. It looks so fake.

Listen to me. There are moments for wisdom, Jamoga, then I listen to you. There are moments for action, then I listen to my blood. I feel this tire woman is for me. He sounds the same like Izzy does in every other movie. Look at this. I have taken you for a wife, Bortai, and I take your dowry.

Tomorrow in Urga, I make gift of it to Wang Khan She's burger. He doesn't believe a word he's saying drank in siege of Wang Khan City I keep a bowl mine goals and henceforth the ruler over the possessions of wine Making all men present at a bar off those who oppose me shall be destroyed Okay, not desert me in this fateful hour. Let not treachery prevail. People were so dumb back then. He was that big of a badass also, you know. But somebody made a new trailer for it, is that what this is? Yeah.

Yeah, they didn't have trailers back then, did they? They did, but they weren't like this. Whoever did this is a bad motherfucker. I don't think they set the day and date on them like that. It almost makes me want to go watch this. You know what? Maybe we can get a resurgence from this movie by playing this, and then it could be like the Rocky Horror Picture Show of barbaric dramas. Everybody could go to it and quote the words

that John Wayne says as Genghis Khan. Do you really think that they let him do that voice because he was that big of a badass? They thought if he was to be like, and stuff like that, they would... Yeah, because he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that voice. But also, it's always funny in any movies

where it's like English or American actors playing foreign roles is that, why would you have an accent but speak in English? Right. So they just say, fuck it, and they just have him not have an accent and speak in English. It's like Tom Cruise in Valkyrie, Kevin Costner in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Sometimes they're just like, he's a big star, fuck it.

He'll just talk in his voice. He'll just talk how he talks. I'd rather him do that than actually try to fake it. Yeah, I wouldn't see the point. The only thing you maybe should do is say it in the actual language and then have subtitles but that's like you know it's only so many actors that could pull that shit off like I was watching a dumb movie called what was it called French kiss French something it was Kevin Kline and Meg Ryan. But Kevin Kline was French in it,

and he speaks French a lot in it. He clearly just knows French. But it was still, I was impressed. I watched Sneakers last night again. I haven't seen that in forever. Does that hold up? Such a good movie still. Yeah?

Yeah, I highly recommend watching it. So it's Robert Redford, Dan Aykroyd. That one dude from... There's like a team of five. And they're all like... Hackers. Yeah. Such a good movie.

I'll tell you who's all in it right now. What do you think of the Fifth Estate movies coming out, speaking of hackers? You know, that guy really looks and sounds like Julian Assange. Amazing. But I hear the movie is kind of muddled, like they don't do a good job telling the story. Robert Redford, Dan Aykroyd, River Phoenix, that's who it was. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

What was it called again? Sneakers. Sneakers. Oh, that's right. Such a good movie. I watched it last night. It's about hackers, right? Who else?

Who are the other two? I think it was like team of five. Sidney Poitier. Sidney Poitier. Poitier. Poitier, you fucking barbarian. Do you not know? He was like the first super acceptable black guy.

Was there a girl on the team or a super nerd? He talked like a European, right? Yeah, he was pretty fancy. Super eloquent. What was the girl's name? Super eloquent. Joe? Like if you think back, like the old days, like the 60s and 70s,

who's like the most elegant black guy? They call me Mr. Tibbs. Sidney Poitier. Yeah. He was very always enunciated. back like the old days like the 60s and 70s who's like the most elegant black guy they called me mr tibbs cindy polder yeah he was very uh always enunciated yeah and that's how they you know they eased uh you know the all the white folks they kind of eased him in with like guess who's coming to dinner you know like a whole movie about a white family that doesn't like a black dude coming to dinner exactly who mary mcdon? Mary McDonnell. Oh, yeah. That's her name. So maybe she didn't go on the mission, though, or whatever.

Don't they have to get in somewhere? Sidney Poitier. There's a van. They ride around in a van a little bit. Accepting an honorary Oscar, Denzel Washington brings up Sidney Poitier. So that was probably in the last year or two, right? It says 2008. The video. Five years. It says 2008. So five years.

It says the 74th annual Academy Awards. That's insane. There's been 74 Academy Awards. Isn't it funny how much they love to pat each other? Dude, dude, dude, we just saved a butt. What are you doing? That sounded like you were trying to interrupt, Joe. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

You should save that as a drop, like one of those corny morning zoos do do do do do what the fuck was I saying something about how the Academy Awards who cares about them how why have there been so many it's just amazing how much backpatting there is that they have these gigantic elegant award shows for essentially entertainment you know I mean it's really cool that you do this it's really cool that you provide us with this awesome entertainment yeah but the amount of fanfare that goes into that, like here's a perfect example. The guys who were working on the Higgs boson trying to find the god particle,

they're getting a Nobel Prize. And who fucking knows that? I mean, everybody knows when the Academy Awards are out. Everybody knows there's a red carpet and the lights are going off. The scientists, if these guys who won the Nobel Prize in physics... Three of them. If these guys were walking down the street, no one would give a flying fuck. No one's going to take photos of them.

They might be more responsible for changing the way we perceive the universe than any scientist who ever existed. And they could just walk freely down the street and no one gives a shit. But if, you know, there's a red carpet and some person who's an awesome pretender. Speaking of stars. Nothing wrong with them being an awesome pretender. But as they walk through, I mean, it's really weird. We're weird.

We're weird as fuck. They're beautiful people too, mostly. The winners are often very attractive Not these winners Oscars no the other ones the Nobel Prize No, that's what I'm saying that that's why more people look at the Oscars is because I'm Attractive to look at one of these doctors need that date like a low hand or something like that It's the symmetry the face symmetry guarantee you there's probably some pimp ass man

Like man scientist out there that's looking to get himself a movie star wife. That might be a good move. Like a Neil deGrasse Tyson type character, he could nail himself. If he wasn't married, I don't know if he is. But if he wasn't, let's just say an alternative universe. At the very least, he could get a Padma Lakshmi. Who's that?

The girl that's married to Salman Rushdie. I don't know who she is. But you know who he is? Yes. Is she an actress? He had to go into hiding for a while because of the satanic verses. Yeah. And she's just a host of Top Chef.

Oh, really? But she's gorgeous. Whoa. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, and that's who she's married to. Because your point was that there's these hot chicks out there that a really really really smart dude with a lot of uh notoriety for being smart could actually scoop them up yeah it makes a girl look like a badass bitch yeah she's hanging some movie

stars hanging around some superstar astrophysicist guy who's creating fucking laser beams and shit did you see the real gun that they developed uh-uh holy shit you want you see the rail gun that they developed? Uh-uh. Holy shit. You want to see the next level of warfare weapons? There's a fucking thing that they developed that it shoots through this solid wall of steel, punches a hole through, and goes straight in a straight line. After that, seven kilometers.

Wow. Yeah. Pull this up. Rail gun invented. Watch this demo. This is gonna make you shit your pants. Is it recent? Because there's one from 2007. Oh, it's recent. Here, let me find it.

Rail gun invented. It's incredible. I mean, it really is. And they have footage of it shooting? Yeah. Through a wall? Well, they started it with bricks. They were shooting bricks.

They would just load up a brick and fucking punch it through this fucking thing. I'm not going to feel safe in here now. And then they decided, General Atomics Railgun Test 2013. Google that. They developed this alloy bullet that's this giant metal piece that's aerodynamic. And it breaks off sort of like a stage rocket like as they shoot it parts break off and then there's the aerodynamic end of it which is like a little a spear like a little like it's like a giant bullet is what it looks like

and it just punches right through this fucking steel wall check this shit out it's like the other parts of it pull it so fast that when they jettison it goes you know mach 5 mach 6 and after they that's a brick they're not that impressive so we came we basically came with an aerodynamic round and that's that's the next round of testing that we did we did that this summer this is a round that was actually developed by boeing we paid them to support this program what you see here is the armature that's used to generate the force in the round. So with that, there's hundreds of thousands of pounds pushing the round down the bore. And then once it gets out the bore, then air hits the sabot and causes the sabot to separate.

And then this was the round that we launched downrange. And we launched this particular round at 1,600 meters a second, which is about Mach 5. With no gun elevation, meaning zero degrees elevation, this thing went seven kilometers downrange before it stopped. That's after punching through a steel plate about an eighth inch thick, 100 yards downrange. Look at how it just keeps going after going through that. Steel plate an eight inch thick. And it goes through it like it doesn't even exist. Didn't even look like it slowed it down.

And goes seven kilometers past that. How nutty are people? We're like, we're just not good enough at killing people yet. We're missing something. Do you think that guy in that video gets laid a lot? You think he shows girls that video? I think when the camera was waist above, it's because

someone was sucking his dick. He demands that. He demands that at all times where he sends a rail gun through your fucking house. Once he pulled all the parts off, it looked like a dick. Dude, that thing looked like death. It was a death dick. It's incredible that we're not satisfied with our ability to blow shit up. We're constantly inventing

new and terrifying ways to shoot through walls and buildings. I want to see a villain get killed by that thing in a Bond movie. Did you see the video of the Serbian rebels getting hit with the missile? No.

Well, it's not super gory, but it's insanely shocking. This guy's in a window, and he's looking out the window, and there's these guys in a truck, and they're driving the truck up the street, and the truck has armament on it, has guns on it, and these guys are standing in the middle of the street.

And the guy drives the truck off, and I guess when he was driving the truck off, the missile was already coming. As the people that were standing where the truck were, all of a sudden you see them go, fuck, and try to run. They get a couple of steps, and this fucking thing hits their ground, and there's a huge ball of fire. This insane explosion, everything goes flying by, and then you hear like, Allah Akbar, Allah

Akbar. You know, that's like what they'll say. God is great. God is great. When this shit goes wrong, it's like, holy fuck. It's like, God damn, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ. And so you look out the window and it's this fucking huge crater.

This fucking gigantic missile just slammed down the middle of the street. And you get a sense of how fast it would hit you. Like when you're on the ground, you don't know it's coming. And then these guys just looked up, they're like, shit! And it was too late.

You want to watch it? No, thanks. Yeah, we're really good at blowing people up. I say we, as in you and I. Joe, did you see that picture that somebody sent me and you on Twitter of his emotional needs pit bull that he brings on planes with him? Oh, come on. No way. Yeah, look at this.

The guy brings an emotional needs pit bull on planes. That is so crazy. Yeah. That is so crazy. Yep. That's so crazy. He's loving pit bulls. That's so crazy. Wow. Well, you know what?

It's nice that your dog's nice and you love him. Today they're making here in Los Angeles, they're making it a law, I think, or they're voting on the law, but I think it's going to pass, that you have to get your pit bull spayed and neutered after the age of four months. Whoa. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, because I guess there's so many pit bulls here

that they're just killing, like, piles of them a day, you know, at the pounds and stuff. That's crazy, though, that you could force someone to get their dog spayed. Like, what if you're breeding dogs? What if you're a responsible dog breeder that breeds dogs? Yeah. Maybe they get a special license or something. They probably get a special license. I think this is probably just for private ownership of a pit bull.

Yeah. Maybe. It's interesting because it changes the personality of the dog. You know? Male dogs, it makes them more sedate. It makes them, they're tireder. They lose, like, a lot of their energy and enthusiasm. I noticed a big difference when my dog got fixed.

It's like older dudes on, you know, that have low T. Exactly. I mean, certainly it's probably a calmer dog. But my veterinarian that I went to for years before he passed away never believed in spaying male dogs. He didn't believe in having them breed and create puppies that, you know, you don't take care of. He's like, you know, you're with your dog all the time.

If you're a responsible dog owner, you know that your dog's not going to breed. Because like that said, like unless your dog has a real aggressive problem, you don't need to spay them. But then other people have said, yes, you do. Because otherwise your dog can get testicular cancer. And my take on that has always been like, okay, so they can't get testicular cancer if you cut off their testicles. Like is that your, are you really, is that really what's going on here? that has always been like, okay, so they can't get testicular cancer if you cut off their testicles. Is that really what's going on here? Why are these dogs getting cancer with their balls?

Is there a way to avoid that? Just check for lumps on the dog's balls once a week. Brian's already doing stuff around there anyway. He's all excited. He's all excited. I don't know. We've even discussed about this on the podcast, why this is a concerted effort on my part. Brian, why does your dog run away from you every Wednesday?

No, no, no, no, no. Not Wednesday. What? I can understand the girl thing, getting girls spayed, because you don't want them to have periods all over the place. Well, it's also that they go into heat, and then that attracts dogs. And when I had a dog that lived next door to a dog that was in heat it was crazy because i thought there was something wrong with him he was in pain

he was like going down the stairs and yiping in pains i thought he'd like broken a hip or something like that i thought he was in pain because he was injured so i brought him to the hospital and uh the veterinarian was checking him out and he's like uh is there a dog in your uh your neighborhood that's in heat? And I said, I don't know. Why? He goes, because your dog's just horny as hell. And I was like, are you serious?

Like, my dog's so horny, he's crying? He did so bad, yeah. He was, you know, this big, strong dog, but he would walk and go, sorry, sorry, yipe! And I would come near him, and he would panic. And I'd be like, it's okay, buddy. It's okay. What's the matter? And I'm like, my poor dog.

I carried him to the car, because I thought he was broken meanwhile he's just horny that's yeah that's it's the noise I make you know if a girl comes back to my place and doesn't put out Doug Benson sexist used the term put out how dare you give it up oh my god you? Give it up. Oh my God. He said, give it up. Give up the honey hole. Oh God. You heard it. Give it up. Is that a thing? I'm sure it's a thing. People call it that for sure. Honey pot, I think they call it. Is that it? Yeah. Honey pot, honey hole. You'd be better off with a hole than a pot. It seems like a hole, you could be a little bit more specific about the size of it A pot Pots, that's a big ol' hole

You don't want to put your dick in anything you're calling a pot That's, you know, it can't be big Even in my child's pots that they play in Those are still fucking quite big You know, a cauldron A cauldron Back in the day they had cauldrons That's what giants would fuck.

Have you been paying attention to this fucking government shutdown? You know, I don't enjoy paying attention to it because it just makes me angry, but I do check in every day to see what they're saying about it. Yeah, I am so confused.

It's a big old mess. It's just stupid. I'm so confused. Like, it's exactly what's wrong with American politics just stupid. I'm so confused. Like it's exactly what's wrong with American politics. I'm also, I'm just, I'm so confused that they let it get to this point too. I don't understand. I mean, how

could they fucking like, if this really is like a standoff thing where one side won't cooperate. It's like one third. It's not even a side as much as it's like a third. I don't understand. It's crazy. I don't know as it's like a third. I don't understand. It's crazy. I don't know how it ever even gets made.

I don't know how it's possible. Everyone's just like, you know, everyone wants to be reelected. It's their number one goal. You know, and if they're about to retire, their number one goal is to take down the number one person on the opposing team. That seems all they want to do. Yeah, I just have a hard time believing that in this day and age that we could allow the whole system to just shut down for more than a week because they can't agree on something. It seems like I understand.

I'm not trying to be naive that they have to represent their constituents and that they have opposing viewpoints on certain things like Obamacare. But apparently that's the big stipulation. It's all about the program that's going to be instituted for healthcare, mandatory healthcare. There's certain stipulations about the program

I know that a lot of business owners don't like. But I know that other people think it's good. And other people think that it's a great step. So I need to fucking really dig into it and take an evening and really research it from a bunch of different points of view. Because right now I'm getting just sort of abstract information about it and I don't have enough to talk about it. It seems to me that it's a very divisive issue. I try not to talk about these things just because I, you know, I don't consider myself an expert, but I do pay attention. You know, I do listen to all of it to try to understand it.

And in the case of this, it just really feels like if Obamacare is fully implemented, then they no longer have the Obamacare is going to ruin the country argument unless it really does ruin the country. And in which case, why won't they just let it happen if they think it's going to ruin the country and then they can jump in and be the saviors? Yeah. You know? Yeah, I guess so. It's weird. It seems like they're trying to stop just any kind of success that can be had by the

current administration needs to be stopped at any cost. It feels like what's going on. And also laws that are put in place are much more difficult to rescind. Yeah. Obamacare is a fucking law. Yeah. You know? So they're going to all this trouble to fight it when there's all these other issues that genuinely need, like, why aren't they all just trying to create jobs? Like, why is this the discussion?

Do you guys understand the Obamacare at all? Is that... Because Kevin Pereira just signed up for it. That night at midnight, he was on the computer signing up for Obamacare. And I think he pays $200 a month or $300 a month for really fucking awesome insurance because

of it now. But it doesn't start until January, I guess. You have to sign up for it now. January 1st. This is the sign-up period. guess you have to january 1st it's this is the sign up period they're trying to get everybody but like there's all these ads on tv telling you that it's bad and that you shouldn't sign up for it they have ads that try to encourage young people to not sign up for it because they have uh a young woman is sitting in like a gynecologist office with her feet in the stirrups and then the gynecologist has a giant, ugly Uncle Sam, paper mache Uncle Sam head that rises up and is looming over her vagina,

like trying to tell young people, don't sign up for Obamacare because then the government's going to tell you what you can do with your vagina. Is that true? Does the government have a vagina agenda? Well, the thing is, is they... Is this unfounded? Some argue that Republicans do have a vagina agenda, but it's not to... It's so weird

that they basically have just flipped the script. It's supposed to be that the Republicans are anti-woman, but they're trying to make it look like Obama's really the one that wants to tell you what you could do with your vagina. So it's just manipulative. It's about healthcare period. So they use it to like sexual healthcare. They go to that right away. Babies, vagina, your wife's puss. Yeah. Well, because that's what the Democrats have been using. They've been saying the Republicans are anti-woman. So they're just using the same approach, but putting it on Obamacare, that Obamacare is anti-woman. so they're just using the same approach, but putting it on Obamacare, that Obamacare is anti-woman.

It's really fascinating that they're allowed to do that. It's really fascinating that they're allowed to editorialize at all, that they're allowed to have any sort of dramatic influence at all in their commercials. It's so crazy. You're allowing people to manipulate. Doug Benson has shown time and time again he doesn't care about the people of Los Angeles. Doug Benson promotes

smoking marijuana for underage children, including your children. Doug Benson is not a good American. In fact, he would live in Canada if it wasn't so fucking cold. Doug Benson would make a shit president.

They almost can say that, man. They're so dramatic. It's not facts, like very clear, simple, vetted facts that have been verified on both sides and agreed to. No, no, no, no, no. Nonsense, hyperbole, drama, dramatic writing, fucking manipulation of the truth, all that's standard fare. And, oh, by the way, we've been paid for by giant corporations.

All this manipulation, the changing of the opinion of the culture, the sheeple of the culture has been all manipulated by giant corporations under the law. All totally squeaky clean and legal and encouraged and necessary for the political process, Doug Benson. Why the political process needs money injected into it. There's very few laws that are against rich people. Very few. Rich people can get away with almost anything.

Yeah, it's a really small number. You know, as long as they can not rape or murder, rich people are set. Yeah. They're never going to jail. There's a lot of them. Well, unless they rip off rich people. Right, but even then, nobody's in jail from the last crisis on Wall Street. Nobody got arrested

for that. Well, Bernie Madoff, you can't really connect to the crisis on Wall Street. No, no, but I'm just saying he went down because he ripped off rich people. He went down super hard, yeah. But if you think about it, there's the super rich people. There's people that lost money, but there's also people that had gained money in the craziness of the market as it existed before. And there's people that recognized that a correction was going to be in place.

And there's also people that recognized that because of the political money that they put into the system, the banks were rescued. So even though they lost all this money, and it could have been a catastrophic failure for these companies, they're like, listen, we're going to be taken care of. And so then the government ganks money from the people, props back up the bank, saying, listen, this economy is very fragile. We have to keep it going, as only we know how. So we're going to need some money.

We're going to need some money, and we're sorry about this, and don't worry about it. It's never going to happen again. Your tax dollars will never go to these people. Why is he getting a bonus? Oh, he needs a bonus, man. He's got to get his bonus. If he don't get his bonus, man, he'll leave and he'll go somewhere else. He did the job.

Fucking bonuses. Their bonuses were half a million dollars. That was the limitation, the cap. We've been informed that people are upset about the bonuses. We need to raise the debt ceiling. Yeah. We have limited their bonuses to $500,000.

So much money. That's so much money. For the average person to get a $500,000 bonus in the mail, they'd be like, holy fucking shit. Can you imagine if you go to your mailbox, you just received a bonus from work. What the fuck is this? What the fuck is this saying?

You just start thinking about, what kind of car am I buying? I wanna buy a fucking new Corvette, goddammit. You just start thinking, how much is the down payment in the house? How much am I gonna have left? You would just start going over the money in your head. That's what their bonus was.

This is after they were already making millions and their bank failed, crashed into the fucking ground and was propped back up by taxpayers in a way that I completely don't understand. But if you talk to Brian Callen, he will Fox News you to death on this. Oh, really? Well, you know, they paid the loan back within nine months. Where did that money go then? Come on. They need to pay more.

Everyone needs to pay. Figure this out. Work this fucking thing out. This thing's a mess. This is a fucking house made out of sticks and gluten gum all fucking patched together and fucking wavering in the wind. Joe, please tell me you saw the Yoko Ono on David Letterman. I refuse to watch it.

Why? She makes my blood boil. Oh, Why? She makes my blood boil. Oh, God. She makes my blood boil. And I don't want to be a mean person, so I don't want to say mean things about her. But this idea that what she's doing is some sort of, I guess it is a performance art if we're talking about it. It elicits a response from you. But the response is not the kind of response that I want from my 30 seconds to a minute of watching

something. It's the response that makes me annoyed. What did she do on there? I love the first comment, or the most voted comment on YouTube, the one at the top. What does it say? It was, what the goddamn fucking fuck did I just watch? Like almost 200,000.

Alright, because she came out and did a song or something? Let's play it Let's play it Let's play it She was on Letterman Isn't she like 90 Yeah Well she

When she got John Lennon's soul Into her body She got a double life David Letterman Hanging in I love him Good guy

But he's only having her on Just for the This sort of attention Ladies and gentlemen I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I of attention. I don't know. Weird intro. What did he say? Take me to the what? Hell. Take me to hell? I think what's the name of her album?

I don't know you were talking to fuck I can't oh my god okay I changed my tune 100% I love her now I thought this is a gangster I thought it was gonna to be terrible. I mean, I don't enjoy it, but it's not. She's mixed with the flaming lips, so 90% of it is badass. Yeah. Yeah, you know what, man? It's fine to have her screeching if the flaming lips are playing.

Yeah, it's got a good beat. Yeah, they're badass. The flaming lips are playing. Yeah. It's got a good beat. Yeah, they're badass. Flaming Lips are dope. They're making her sound awesome. Look at her. Did you see the backup singer? He's like, ooh, ooh. I like this.

Do you like the hooded figure with the cocktail shaker? Yeah, you know what I love about this? This bitch could do this all day with different songs. She hasn't written a word of this. This is all noise coming out of her mouth. So, yeah. This is like your daughter singing to the mirror and playing dress-up.

I don't know, man. She seems pretty good at this. This is a new style. She looks good, too. She looks like she'd suck a good dick with that. You know what? This would be good, man. That's how she got John.

She had to do something to hook that motherfucker. God, he was into her. He was so into her. She must have a super pussy. She must have voodoo pussy. There's no other way. Is that her boyfriend on the floor? No, it's Robert Plant.

He gave up. I guess he... And he took the hood off. The beautiful thing is you could do this all day with her. If the Flaming L lips had her singing songs, they can actually be pretty fucking good songs. Like that would be a good album. I'm not bullshitting you because I like music that doesn't have songs that

doesn't have lyrics. Sometimes like I listened to foreign artists because I don't know what the fuck they're talking about. I enjoy it. Of course this would get tired. I couldn't listen to it every day but i have a broad spectrum of what i like brian like for instance what do you think i was listening to on the way over here somebody screaming while dying looped over i don't know jay-z no i was listening to what dwight yocum i like a little country music every now and then. I guess...

He's a good actor. I guess at the end, David says something pretty... He was in Sling Blade, right? Mm-hmm. He was scary in that. Yeah. Oh, she's tiny.

I mean, he's big, but she's tiny. Hi, I'm crazy. Hello. Thank you. And it's fun when you leave the theater humming the music from the

show, isn't it? Thanks for watching. Good night, everybody. I love it. But it was a friendly burn. Yes. She has no idea. She's royalty. You have to be friendly to her. Even if she drives you crazy. But if Bill Burr and her

were in a room together and you saw that Bill Burr bit. Have you seen that Bill Burr bit? No, but I can imagine it. It's a video from his Monday morning podcast. His podcast is one of the most unique podcasts because it's just him talking into a microphone. Yeah, he just goes off. Which I've done before. I did back in the early days.

I did a few of those like that where I would read Twitter and there's a couple things I was just going to talk about. It just wound up me being baked r rambling but bill does it every week and it's really funny and some one of the best ones if you google it um bill burr just google bill burr yoko ono and it's uh john and yoko are singing with chuck berry on stage and bill does like some of the fucking most hilarious commentary on her and him, that whole situation between John and Yoko that I've ever heard. It was fucking and with the video, like whoever made

the video, because it wasn't Bill, it was a fan made the video and spliced it together perfectly and edited it perfectly so that like as he's talking you see the look on Chuck Berry's face when he's fucking realizing that Yoko's screaming into the microphone ya ya ya ya Because Bill Burr did the rant and then they made the video on Chuck Berry's face when he's fucking realizing that Yoko's screaming into the microphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Bill Burr did the rant

and then they made the video to match the rant. Yes. That's fantastic. Oh, that's one of the most beautiful things about the internet is these fan-created things,

these fan-created videos. I was at a film festival a couple weeks ago and I just tweeted on my thing. I want to know, someone make a picture of what it would look like if James Woods had Elijah Woods' eyes.

And within two minutes, three people had photoshopped his eyes onto James Woods, and every picture was creepy as fuck. I'm sure. And then it started getting even worse, and then someone started photoshopping his dick, because James Woods has a notoriously big dick. Oh, does he? Can you get those on Twitter? That explains, I guess, why he's always been so cocky. Yeah, he's very cocky. He's supposed to have a monster hog.

Are you allowed to have naked stuff on Twitter? How does that work? Yeah, you are. Because a lot of the strip girls are the... Like, yeah, no, there's super crazy porny pictures. Like, if you go to a porn star's page. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How does that work?

There's pictures of them with dicks in them and stuff. Do they have to be locked? Like, you have to a porn star's page. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How does that work? There's pictures of them with dicks in them and stuff. Do they have to be locked? Like you have to approve? Looks pretty open range. I think maybe like, you know, Twitter could shut them down. Well, that's one of the things that people like about Instagram. So you can lock it. You can have your own thing.

Only your friends can get into it to check it out. You have to approve them if they don't get in. Ooh, that's creepy. Wow, that's weird. He looks like a robot. Yeah. James Woods with Elijah Woods eyes. How did we get to talking about James Woods?

I just brought it up as an example about how you can... You were talking about how people should cut together. That's what I've been thinking about. You also, you know how we talked about how you should do commentary on street fights and stuff yeah uh another thing you could do though that would be awesome is just take classic fight scenes from movies and do joe rogan uh you know commentary through them as if it's you know as if you're calling a fight but it's has no one ever done that before?

I don't think so. Like, a movie like They Live, that really long fight scene in They Live, be so much fun if you just recorded the audio of you just talking over it and just set that out and then people just get that and then they rent the movie and watch it and then just sync it up so they listen to you talking about it while they're watching it. Hmm. That might work. Be super fun. You'd have to pay money.

You'd have to, like, get the rights to the movies and shit like that to do that. You can't just do that. No, they're watching it. Hmm, that might work. Be super fun. You'd have to pay money. You'd have to get the rights to the movies and shit like that to do that. You can't just do that. No, they just do it. Really? Yeah, like Pete Holmes and Adam Carolla, they'll watch a movie and just have a discussion while they're watching it. Are you allowed to do that? As long as you're not recording the movie and using the soundtrack of the movie.

I talked to this about you about two years ago. I said, talk to you that we should do this. And you were against it at the time. No, no. Well, I think because you were referring to, in terms of my Benson movie interruption, like why don't you film it or why don't you release it? And the reason for that is because I can't record a live.

I like the live audience element. I like improvising while watching the movie and the live audience element. So you can't, there's no way to record the audience without recording the soundtrack of the movie that's in the same theater. And that's, I just think it's fun as a live event. Right. But what I'm talking about here is totally doable. You're talking about a podcast.

It's not something I want to do necessarily. Right. Or you could call it a comedy album, just like Joe talks through some of the greatest fight scenes and then you put a bunch of them out there. It seems like you'd have to pay them. It seems like especially if you were profiting off of it, you'd have to pay them. Well, for some reason, Carolla gets away with it. It's sort of like they're just talking about the movie. So as long as you're not playing the actual movie...

I'll find out. It's like if you wrote a book that had a lot of quotes from a movie i don't know who i don't think you'd have to pay anybody as long as you're saying what movie it's from or we could play the movie and have joe do it like on an ice house chronicles i don't get it why would that be like do it live sponsors or still i think the person who's doing it, still you opened yourself up because then it could be possibly, yeah, with that, if he does the Ice House Chronicles

and the people who listen to that also listen to his show, so it's basically like his show. There's an argument for that, too. That's good. Sure. Take down notice. Yeah.

Is that what happens? They just give you a take down notice? Yeah, they're not going to send you to trial. See, the thing is, man, it depends on how the laws get changed. It depends on who's coming in next. It depends on if Republicans are going to be in office, whether or not they're going to tighten down on this kind of shit, whether or not they're going to promote lawsuits like this, what they're going to make legal and what's not legal.

Yeah. Because people can sue. If they think that they're going to get paid, they're going to sue. Suing is a way of generating income. And then they might get paid just so you don't have to pay more. Yeah. Sometimes people pay. I know people that have been sued for things that they never did and they had to pay because they didn't want

to deal with any more legal drama. It takes time away from them. And so they had to give up like $25,000 or $30,000 for nothing. I know a guy who was in an argument with someone. The guy claimed that he hit him. He didn't do anything. And he wound up giving him money just to shut him up. And once you do that, the problem is,

what if he has friends and he tells everybody, hey, I goaded this guy into an argument and then I said that he hit me and I made money off of him. There's creepy fucks out there that just try to manipulate the legal system and make cash. I'm just going to stay inside from now on. Do it, Doug. Do it. Don't be a pussy and no wheat. Don't just going to stay inside from now on. Do it, Doug. Do it.

Don't be a pussy and no wheat. Don't be gumming up your fucking insides. Patent lawyers are kind of like that. Sure. Patent lawyers? Or not patent lawyers,

patent trolls. Patent Oswald? Yeah, those assholes that were going after podcasters. You just called patent a troll? No, I love that guy. How dare you? When's he coming back?

I don't know. He's hard to nail down these days. Busy fellow. Busy, works a's he coming back? I don't know. He's hard to nail down these days. He's a busy fellow. He's very popular. He works a lot. Do you watch Justified? No.

He was on a recurring character on the last season of Justified. How is that? It's a great show. It's Elmore Leonard, so it's really tough. So it's based on an Elmore Leonard novel? Based on his writings, and he wrote a lot of the episodes. He passed away recently, but he was really involved in the show, and I love it. It's one of my favorite shows on TV. What's his most famous novel?

Probably because the movie was the most popular movie based on his novels, probably Get Shorty. Yes. Yes. Did you ever read that? No, I've never really read any of his books, but there's plenty of things that have been adapted from his books, especially the ones that he has a finger on, a hand in, like are really good. Like, you know, his books, I imagine, are like screenplays, you know,

and have just lots of clever dialogue and interesting situations and characters. Yeah. We were going over the other day how many different movies Stephen King books have been turned into. I can't wait to see the new characters. Did you find a number? It looks crazy.

A number of Stephen King books? No, it wasn't on the podcast. Must be at least 50. Yeah. Must be in that range. There's a lot. Plus, there's a bunch of miniseries for TV, including The Shining, The Langoliers, It. Remember It?

Salem's Lot. Salem's Lot. Yeah, a lot of them, man. He might be the baddest motherfucker of all time when it comes to fiction. I mean, he really might be. When you stop and think about how good some of his movies were, thinner,

or how good some of his books were, he had some great fucking fiction books. Really fun. The Shining is a fucking fantastic book. Yeah, well, that was the funny thing when the shining the movie came out as lovers of the book were really mad about it and then the shining kind of had to take on this life of its own and become like it's like a separate classic you know because it's a classic movie and the book is classic but they they really you know there's

not a they don't have a lot in common other than a family staying at a hotel over the winter yeah the transformation was much more much more slow in the book the transformation of Jack to Jack Nicholson yeah Jack Nicholson looks crazy when they're driving up to the place what he's going to do his first interview he's already like hey this is great talking honey I just need to do my work and everything will be fine. There's a lot of great conspiracy. There's a movie called Room 237, and it's all like shining the movie scholars and Kubrick scholars, or at least so-called. They call themselves that, but it's a whole movie of just talking at length

about all the hidden messages in The Shining. Because people like to say that Stanley Kubrick is the one who directed the faked moon landing. Yes. And in The Shining, little Danny wears a sweater that has a rocket ship on it that says USA on it. So everybody has jumped to the conclusion that he really did fake the moon landing footage,

and this was his fun way of uh poking admitting admitting to it well there's as opposed to he's making fun of the fact that people uh you know said that he faked the moon landing which it could be or it could just be it's a cute kid in a cute sweater that happens to have a rocket ship on it there was a bunch of parallels apparently it wasn't just that one oh yeah no there's a ton of stuff, but it gets so deep and so ridiculous, like patterns in the carpeting. Uh-huh, yeah. And, uh, like, also, throughout the movie,

when they're moving around from room to room in the hotel, like, where they're going from scene to scene doesn't match up. So sometimes if they go down a hallway that's just a long hallway, sometimes they head off in the same direction and they're just in a kitchen. You know, like, it's just a long hallway, sometimes they head off in the same direction and they're just in a kitchen. You know, like it's the architecture,

you know, the way the whole place is laid out doesn't make sense. But you could say that probably in a lot of movies because just the way movies are shot. Yeah. You know, like we'll use one side of the room for one scene and we'll pretend the other side of the room is somewhere else or whatever. So it gets so deep, but it's called room 237 and also you never see any of the people

talking about these theories the the entire movie is just clips from the shining and then clips from other movies that kind of reenact the things he's uh they're describing yeah there's another one that i've watched um by a guy named jay weedner. It's called Kubrick's Odyssey, Secrets Hidden in the Films of Stanley Kubrick, Part One, Kubrick and Apollo. And it's all about those connections between the Apollo moon landings and Kubrick's films. And he even has some sort of a claim that the method that Kubrick used was the same method that he used on 2001. Something called front screen projection. Yeah. Some type of something along those lines.

And he claims that they used it to film certain scenes in the moon landings and he can prove it. This guy was, these guys that go like way out like that, I can have, like, and there was 230 stairs. So Jack walked up, and he moved over to room 236, which is exactly the distance between the Earth and the Moon in hundreds of thousands of miles. And you're like, oh, okay. Yeah, they come up with some really good ones. Like, there's a poster for skiing, you know, like advertising skiing on the wall. But they say that the skier and the shape of it looks like a minotaur. And then they're like, and they also say,

you know, and why would there be a poster for skiing if the resort is closed every winter because there's too much snow there and they don't, the visitors can't get in and out. And it's like, yeah, but they just, Stanley Kubrick just put a dumb poster on the wall. You know, like it's that, you know, an art director on the set, you know,

anybody on the set just put that poster there because it was an ugly blank wall or something. Exactly. It's like they think way too hard about every little choice. Not only that, the distance between the Earth and the moon varies. It moves around a little bit. You know? It doesn't stay at 236. I think it goes farther.

And I'm pretty sure the distance between the Earth and the moon varies. Let's look at that distance. Are you going to see that Carrie remake? Yeah. Yeah, he was just saying that it looks great. To me, that's a little bit of sacrilege. I love the girl in it, though. The girl in it?

They're not editing the original one. No, no. Yeah, the kick-ass girl is Carrie. No, it's going to be more straightforward than the original. The original is such a unique movie. It's got so many weird De Palma-isms in it. Wow. And this new one is just going to be,

I think it's just going to be a straightforward telling of the exact same story. Oh, so it's just the same movie. Yeah, but without De Palma's wacky, you know. The marketing for it is fucking awesome. You see that video, that viral video that they released that's going out right now? It's crazy.

They took a coffee shop, and they set it up with... They pretty much built the whole thing, and they had this track running up the side of this wall so this guy can get thrown up and pushed up. And they have remote control tables. And so what they did is they did all this shit, and then when people were coming in to get coffee, they just started fucking with people.

Carrie did this? The movie Carrie? The movie Carrie, yeah. That's so smart, man. Yeah, and it's really good. This is probably one of the best pranks in the wild. Those are all actors around here. Oh my god! That sucks. I'm sorry. You just ruined all of my stuff. Oh, she's an actress.

If you just clean it up, it'll be fine. Fine? There's coffee inside of my computer. You know what? Just get away from me. Just get away from me. Just get out of my way. See, I would have built a set with more of those wooden things. Look at these people freaking out. Just get away from me.

Okay, automatically I would start laughing. When you start laughing, I'd be like, oh, okay. Well see that wooden thing that he flies on? It's got a big line on it. Yeah, see I would have four or five more of those because right now it just looks like he's on a track, you know? It looks like one of those carnival things you hit and then you try to ring the bell. Right.

That's how you feel, Brian. But that guy is genuinely terrible. This would be crazy. I like the way the tables all spread out. It's like the scariest part, actually. Yeah. Like that woman's recording and she's like, what the fuck? Yeah, someone will record anything these days.

You know, it's an interesting book. The book is amazing. And it was the big hit for Stephen King. The book was the book that got him out of poverty. And it's interesting because he had thrown it out. He had written some and thrown it out and he decided he didn't know

what it was like to go to the prom. He didn't know whether or not the girls would do that and the guy would go to the prom with her. He didn't understand the emotions behind it coming from as a woman. And so he was going to toss it. And then his wife pulled it out of the trash like he was out of the house. And she started reading it.

And then she said, stick with this. Wow. That's where that movie. Good wife. That's where that book came out. Probably his first wife. Well, he's still with his first wife. Oh, OK.

The distance varies from the Earth to the Moon by 43,592 kilometers. So, yeah, it varies a lot. 43,000 kilometers. That's like 20-something thousand miles. That's a lot of fucking miles, dog. Yeah. Yeah.

So it does. Stephen King hasn't had as many adaptations as that. Now it's Brian doing on his phone? So that number, 236 or 237, the distance to the Earth to move. What? Oh, yeah. What are you doing? That's 26,700 miles.

Boom. There we go. Thanks, Jerry. What is it like? One mile, I think, is 2.2. 2.2 kilometers is one mile. So 100 kilometers is 62 miles an hour, I think. is 2.2 kilometers is one mile. So 100 kilometers is 62 miles an hour, I think.

I think that goes. Because they do that with zero to 60s with European cars. You know, when they tell you the performance numbers, they break it down to kilometers and kilometers per hour per second. Whoa. Is that too much for you, Doug Benson?

I think his seven bottles of weed might be I'm still thinking about I'm thinking about the new version of Carrie and how I don't you don't want it

I you don't I hate I hate being against it to be honest with you because I I like the idea of it but it's just like

to me it's just gonna be I guess I should look at it like a play where you like the play and then you you can see more than, like I've seen Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf a couple of times with different casts, and it's like different people emerge as the strongest characters,

and you see different things in the writing because of different performances. But it just seems like Julianne Moore and that girl, Chloe Moretz, are just sort of forced to kind of go through the motions of being like the two people in the first movie. Yeah, because it was so big. She's just a religious zealot who's yelling at her all the time. And eventually the daughter starts getting some cutlery out and making it fly across the room. Yeah, it's kind of different than like King Kong. When they redo King Kong, they have to have the Fay Wray character.

And that's the original Carrie. Yeah, but he like De Palma had tons of like split screens and like uh you know lots of uh wacky stuff that he used to do all the time yeah and so it's got a really unique and then sissy spacek this girl in the new one is like she's an outcast she's gorgeous like she's a cute girl and like you know how messed up is she that she you know I assume she has the same incident in the beginning of the movie where she gets her period in front of everybody they don't have they don't have sissy spacek type actresses anymore I mean what actress right that's what I that's what somebody said to me they're

like do you think sissy spacek is ugly and I said no she's not ugly but she's ugly enough that when in these early scenes It's believable and then when she's at the prom she actually looks pretty greatest American hero over that yeah Yeah, William cat that guy was the first guy that I've ever met that was famous when I was in LA He was in front of me at Starbucks, and you know gut Wow nice to hear did you I shouldn't say me that my first one use first sighting my first sighting Yeah, see look at they go to the split screen. That's right.

I forgot about the split screen shit. Yeah. And it was, look at that crazy hose. People getting hosed. I don't know if that's going to happen in this new one. Back then, that was a cool special effects. Weird fucking movie, man. Yeah.

Weird movie. No, he made a really kind of artsy fartsy movie out of a you know out of just basically a straightforward uh book you know um wow i forgot travolta was in it yeah though it was a good fucking movie man i mean especially for the time yeah time it was amazing it was a big hit and it's like and it's a reference point you know like don't take care of the prom you know like pig's blood being dumped on you like people make references to it to you know, like don't take Carrie to the prom, you know, like pig's blood being dumped on you. Like people make references to it, you know, to this day, even though the original movie doesn't get a lot of play. No, that's true. Yeah.

When you talk about a girl going crazy and psycho, she'll go Carrie on you. You don't go Carrie. Yeah. The book's incredible, though. It's really good. Yeah. I was super into Stephen King. I wrote a letter to Stephen King about how much I didn't like Kubrick's The Shining,

and he wrote back. Are you serious? Like, typed on a postcard. Like, he would just sit and type back letters to fans, and he wrote back. Do you still have that? Yeah. He wrote a very diplomatic response, which is just like, you know, I don't control what happens to my books when they're made into movies.

But it was well known that at the time that came out, he hated it. Like he was angry about it. Yeah. Well, that's why they did that remake where they did it on television. They did it much truer to the book. Yeah, and then still not a very good movie just because of other choices that were made. Like the kid that got to play the kid was an annoying kid actor, you know,

and so he wasn't an engaging central character. Did you like the guy from Wings? Steven Weber? Yeah. Yeah, he was all right, I guess. But I haven't liked a single made-for-TV Stephen King from beginning to end. There's parts that are good.

Like, it, like, Pennywise looked cool, was really scary looking, but I thought the movie was too silly. Well, it's also you're trying to make a movie out of a book but instead you're making like this mini series thing yeah which takes many many hours to drag it out and a lot of times they lose the the the dynamic energy of a movie you know if you're sitting and watching a movie movies have beginnings middles and ends and you you take them all into one chunk.

Books, you let it sort of unravel in your day. You know, you read when you can, you come back to it, you get right back into it, and it's fine. Yeah, people usually don't watch movies one chapter at a time. Yeah, so when you're watching an hour a week or an hour a day for three days or whatever, however the fuck they did it, where they had it as a miniseries, it just doesn't work that good. Yeah, like I didn't think

the Stand miniseries was terribly good. I didn't see that. Who was in that? I think the main guy was played by Jamie Sheridan. Brian, don't show this because I want to see that movie. I hate watching trailers. Trailers are the worst these days.

Like if I'm really excited about a movie, I'll just not, I'll just avoid the trailers. You're right. The reason I was watching it is because I'm so in love with that girl in that movie. She's just a beautiful chick. So I don't buy that at all. The plainness and the original. Yeah, I mean, they have to change it to that everybody hates her because

she's better than all of them. That's so stupid. But oh, that's what I was going to say about when somebody said, you don't think Sissy Spacek's beautiful. It's like, well, no, she's not ugly, but she also was not on Cosmopolitan Teen when Carrie came out. She was an actress who was chosen because she could seem like a religious nut outcast.

Yeah, she's very pale. Her eyebrows are kind of strange. This girl now is the girl of the moment. So they're just, well, she's got to play Carrie because she's, you know, we only want to bet on horses that are going to win. And she's a good actress that people like. But the problem is I don't think that works. I'm not saying that she can't pull it off, and maybe she does it awesome,

but I don't think people go to see movies because of the fucking stars in it. I don't think people want to see Avatar because of that Australian dude. Nobody knows who that guy is. Oh, absolutely. They know that he works, but they want to see Avatar because it was Avatar,

because it was a badass movie. But stars can push something over the hump you know like like like the heat we were talking about earlier if that wasn't Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy it could it could easily just not be a thing right so if it sucks it's okay well big name actor that's what you're saying well I'm just saying that they the unfortunate system needs insurance policies all the time so they only want to work with the people that have already made a lot of money but all those people were in a surprise hit at some point and that's

why they are now bankable stars you know like when they hired sandra bullock for speed that you know that was probably they were just looking for a young actress who could you know fill the role because they already had a star in keanu reeves and then she busted out and it's you know been a huge thing ever since are you discounting the chemistry that they had the chemistry that they shared um she's I mean I thought she was adorable in speed and I've I saw these been waiting for her to make a good movie until gravity it finally happened so these images of Keanu Reeves poor guys apparently gained weight and so no people are taking photos of him.

Keanu Reeves fat. No, I just saw him a couple weeks ago. He looked great. Maybe there's a fake fat Keanu Reeves. He's got this movie, Man of Tai Chi, that he directed where he also plays the villain in it. Oh, it's a fake guy. Fake fat Keanu? It does look like him.

Fat and old on Suicide Watch. Did Keanu Reeves get fat? So is it him or not? Whoa. Well, hmm, this is weird. Keanu Reeves is 48. Dude's allowed to get punched in his middle age, which looks like he's happily doing,

judging from these photos at Cannes. Maybe he had his shirt off and he's a little chunkier than normal. No, he doesn't have his shirt off. What the fuck? That's for a role or something. There's no way he looked like that at Cannes in May of this year. No way. Someone's in love with Keanu Reeves.

We just outed you, buddy. Google Keanu Reeves at Fantastic Fest. He was there in front of me doing a Q&A, and that's not what he looked like. So you think it's Photoshopped? It's either or he played a fat guy in something and people got pictures of it. At what fest? Remember the time Matthew McConaughey

went nuts on the beach with some palm fronds and was running around and it was on TMZ and stuff that he was whacked out of his mind running around on the beach? He was shooting a film and it was a scene in the film where he did that and people just put it out there like. So they did it.

My other great example is when, see, look at him. Okay. So how long ago is this? This is a month ago or two weeks ago. Maybe he just went gangster in the last two weeks and got fat as fuck. Yeah. It looks thin and healthy. Yeah.

It's great. Yeah. So that doesn't make any sense. So what is that other one? Is that, is that, maybe that's not even him. I think that's not. It might be a guy that looks like him that's fat. Yeah. so that doesn't make any sense. So what is that other one? Is that is that really maybe that's not even him I think that's not it might be a guy that looks like him. That's fat. Yeah, I'm looking at let's look at it again Yeah, cuz it really is really does look like him Looks I just got fat for a couple months

Yeah, but that's hard to do to chop off that weight that quick. There's a lot of weight like his neck I mean, there's a lot of fighting in his movie. He's got Keanu cocaine. He looks different though. Like his nose looks bigger in the fat one. Is that because his nose got fat? I think it's, he was either acting as a fat guy. Hmm.

Because you saw the pictures of McConaughey as the AIDS dude, right? Well, that was when he decided to lose a shitload of weight, right? It's insane. It's scary. It's like life It's scary. It's like life-threatening how thin he got.

You should never do that. Those guys who do that for roles, they're crazy. I know, what's his face? Batman. What the fuck's his name? Christian Bale. Christian Bale did that. Yeah, yeah, the machinist. The machinist.

It was incredible. That might be one of the scariest transformations I've ever seen a person make ever because he was on Death's Door. Like, pull images of that, Brian. Or if they have a video of Christian Bale and the machinist. I mean, it was a big deal when Rob De Niro. McConaughey's is just as bad, I think. No, I don't think so.

It's pretty bad. Is it? Yeah. Really? I thought this guy was the worst I've ever seen. McConaughey, he looks like his neck is so thin and his head's kind of normal McConaughey size and looks so weird. Do you remember when Robert De Niro did it for Raging Bull?

He gained all that weight to play Jake LaMotta as an older man, and everybody was like, this is incredible. How did he do that? Look at that. See if you can find a video of it, though. God damn. Because the video is even more terrifying

because you see him walking around, and you're like, Jesus Christ. Like Jack Skellington. Well, that's really him that really is batman yeah no he's never remember that guy's name christian bale he's super transformative that guy he was amazing in the fighter yes and he's got it looks like he's got a crazy haircut in this new one american hustle he's got the weird 70s comb-over thing going on. Yes. He was great in The Fighter. He played Mickey Ward's cousin, Dickie Eklund, the famous boxer from Boston.

Insanely aggravating personality. That movie's really great, but it's also like almost every scene he's in is just an awkward, horrible... Well, Dickie Eklund was a crackhead i mean he was on that hbo series about uh crack and lynn you know lynn massachusetts or uh it was lynn lowell lowell uh massachusetts was uh an area was really bad the crack hit lowell super bad in the 80s what are we looking at this is the video of him in The Machinist. Oh. So you see him,

where he's walking around. Like, it's how many days in a row he hasn't slept. It's like... And then to go to all that trouble for something that's not even a particularly good movie. Well, I think he tried to make it good, but... Sure. You know, how the fuck can you even tell

what's going on around you when you're that skinny? Yeah. I mean, that dude literally died. He got down to about a few days of no food from death. Yeah. I think Christian. Was that Lawrence Fishburne? Did he eat all of his food?

How dare you? Christian Bale gained 109 pounds for Batman Begins after losing 63 pounds for The Machinist. 109 pounds for Batman begins after losing 63 pounds for The Machinist. Bale went from 121 pounds to 230 pounds in six months. Oh, my God. He was 121 pounds when he did this movie? Yeah. That's insane. So by the time the filming began, Christian Bale had dropped 190 pounds.

Oh, my God. Dropped? Oh, you mean back and forth? Or no, he had moved 190 pounds. He hadn't dropped 190 pounds. Oh, my God. Dropped. Oh, you mean back and forth? Or no, he had moved 190 pounds. He hadn't dropped 190 pounds. Right? No, he had dropped to 190 pounds. I'm sorry.

What? It says, you probably heard that Christian Bale gained 109 pounds for Batman Begins, meaning he buffed up for Batman Begins. Yes. After losing 63 pounds for the Machinist. and he got buffed up for Batman Begins. Yes. After losing 63 pounds for the Machinist.

So, yeah, it's a swing of 190 from his lowest to his full Batman weight. But that doesn't make any sense, because that would mean that he's like 300 fucking pounds. He was never that big. He was... Well, 190 and 63 is like 250. Yeah, he wouldn't be that much. Yeah, he's not that big. Yeah, I don't get that.

That doesn't make any sense. Stop reading that source, be that much. Yeah, he's not that big. Yeah, I don't get that. That doesn't make any sense. Stop reading that source, whatever that is. That doesn't seem to make sense. Can you pull up Matthew McConaughey? The movie's called Dallas something. It's not Magic Mike? No. I've told this story before, but I saw it.

Oh, this reminds me. I saw that movie with my mother. Magic Mike? Yeah. Why? In San Diego, that time we were in San Diego for Comic-Con, and I just saw the first cut of the movie we were making, Chronicon, and both of you guys are really funny in it.

Really? Yeah, yeah. Remember when we were in the green room and the guy that runs the club said, hey, can you meet one of the investors? And you're like, okay. And this guy comes in and he's holding, like, at one point he's holding a bottle of champagne and then he just lets it go and it drops on the floor and crashes everywhere yeah and then you're standing right next to him in the movie going yeah normally when you let go of a bottle like that it just floats in the air but there was lots of good

stuff because brian brian was hitting on some girls out on the street in San Diego late at night. And you were like, you did this whole rant about when they're barefoot, they're at their most vulnerable. Get out of the way. Because if they, yeah. And also because if they're willing to walk around in glass and piss and everything that's on the ground, they're like, you know, there's no rules anymore. You show these girls? You see girls, but their faces are blurred. Yeah.

But there's one that looks like she's taking a shit in the middle of the street, and that's what gets Brian's attention. He's like, oh, I'll go talk to her. And then you start talking about girls holding their shoes, they're vulnerable. There were so many drunk girls at Comic-Con. People got so drunk. Downtown San Diego's

like that every weekend. What is the deal with San Diego? Why is it so wild? It's just 6th Street. It's just that one street. It's same thing with there's sixth street in austin or you know everywhere it's got a street or a neighborhood where there's just so many bars in one spot it's also you can walk around yeah yeah it's the it's the you know the uh herds of people moving around and then getting too drunk and then next thing you know fists are being thrown yeah i've seen that more in that area because i think anywhere else because that show real world the mtv show yeah when they have the kids in downtown san diego and in downtown austin

and a few other places the this the everybody's so drunk and there's cameras following these kids around and the show hasn't started airing yet So somebody's gonna get jealous and angry that these people are on TV and through it start throwing fists They're there people on the real world to get arrested in the San Diego and Austin editions Like there were kind of regular arrests of cast members because they get too drunk and get in trouble on those in those Party neighborhoods. Yeah, I can imagine it I don't you know, you know, whenever you get people drinking together in big groups, you're going to see a fight. Yeah.

You're going to see something. In the Austin version, there was this one kid who, like, got hit in the face hard, like, by a guy, like, you know, couldn't even see it coming. The guy just... And the guy's face is blurred. I think they eventually found him and tried him,

but, like, on the tv show it looks like he just some guy got away with it because he didn't stick around to sign a release you know wow yeah that's crazy but those girls in the chronicon will be blurred and it's also not the movie's not going to come out for a while that's he just showed a picture you found it yeah look at that that's nothing wait wait look at it oh that bad. That's not as bad as Christian Bale, man. That's not. No, that's not as bad as Christian Bale. And then it shows him in the How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. That's hilarious. This is just TMZ's greatest hits of McConaughey.

Brian Cowan. What are they doing? Do not get Brian Cowan started on Matthew McConaughey because he will go into this whole rant about acting and being authentic. And he gets like he's not a McConaughey fan. McConaughey's been killing it lately, though. McConaughey's been very versatile lately. Super strong opinions on actors. Okay.

What's really going on here? How many of those parts would you have liked to have done? Yeah. When one person says, I like so-and-so in that movie. Oh, she was terrible in that. Okay, well, we both just said a bunch of words. Let's go find something to really do. Well, it's also, Brian does a lot of acting.

So he, like, judges acting. So you get, like, yeah. See, I looked at acting completely as an outsider. So I see, like, even if I don't like the type of movie he's in, he definitely could act. How could you say that guy can't act? Did you see Contact? He's fucking great in that movie.

He's in great... What was that movie where he played a killer? Killer Joe? Was that what it was called? That movie's intense. With the chicken wing? Do you see that? There was a couple movies like that.

There was another one where he played... He did a freaking movie, Killer Joe, where he's a hired killer but he he does this thing to gina gershon with a chicken wing that's really graphic when was this pretty recently i saw it got three and a half stars south by southwest last year oh it's a 2011 movie it's a recent movie oh i haven't seen that no you should check it out it's really is crazy. Is it out? You can, you know. You can get it on iTunes or some shit? iTunes for sure. Oh, Killer Joe.

Check that out tonight. There was another movie, though. What's it called? Stricken or something like that? God damn it. Matthew McConaughey, Serial Killer. There was one in the past where he played some really fucking, how do you spell his name? McConaughey. That's so complicated. Yeah, it you spell his name? McConaughey.

That's a tough one. Yeah, it's a tough one. McConaughey. Serial killer. Serial killer. McConaughey. Yeah. What a handsome bastard he is.

All right, let's see. Frailty. Yeah, frailty. Oh, okay. 2001. That was crazy, man. Bill Paxton. And I haven't seen it in a long time.

It's got 7 two seven point two out of ten on on rotten i mean have you have you heard of the movie bernie bernie what's that it's jack black plays bernie and mcconaughey plays like a local uh police uh detective how you spell it b-e-r-n that's a good name bernie at b-e-r-n-i-e and it but it takes place in austin and it's based on a true story so the the movie is filled with people that were really involved in the story and knew the real guy as themselves. Yeah, it's cool. And it's really well done.

It's Richard Linklater, the guy who did Days and Confused. Damn, Doug Benson coming with the strong recommendations. I got, like, two movies to watch now. Killer Joe. They're both really interesting, but, you know, they may not be your cup of tea. I like a lot of different kinds of tea. Yeah.

No, I know that about you for sure, that you like, whenever I see you raving about a movie, I always find it interesting because I know you don't see a lot of them. Yeah. And then also don't probably love a lot of them once you do. So when you rave about something, it's very passionate. I heard you on Kevin and Bean talking shit about Riddick. They were talking about me seeing Riddick. of them once you do. So when you rave about something, it's very passionate. I heard you on Kevin and Bean talking shit about Riddick. They were talking about me seeing Riddick.

It was so bad. Yeah, I didn't even see the whole thing. I just saw a section of it and went, oh, this is just not for me. Well, I enjoyed Pitch Black. I thought Pitch Black was really cool. Well, that's what I immediately said to Kevin and Bean

as I defended that that movie wasn't bad. It was good. And then Chronicles of Riddick was ridiculous. And then the last one, it was like they were trying to go back to Pitch Black, but now they're kind of stuck because they've got the budget of a bigger movie. So they didn't really force

themselves to be terribly inventive. It's weird how much he's alone so much. This year is the weirdest year in that tom cruise will smith jr uh that guy and there's a four oh and then of course sandra bullock like all these movies where big stars are just sort of like alone alone in a space or in a futuristic planet and they've all you know until gravity they've all just failed you know they're all doing they're all doing terribly it's like one of these, the star egos, like, there doesn't need to be anybody else in this movie.

But that's different because at least in all these movies that have come out, whether it's a Tom Cruise movie or the Will Smith movie, it's some dystopian future. Yeah. But this is more a current event and the reality of space junk, you know, entering into. No, I think Gravity came from a better... I don't think Sandra Bullock was like, I need a star vehicle where it's just me. And I don't think Tom Hanks did that about Captain Phillips, but it's still...

It's an interesting ego thing that any actor thinks that them alone is worth people to just watch an entire movie. Well, that's the other movie we talked about earlier. Sam... What's his face? Yeah, Moon. Moon. Sam. But that movie is done from a talked about earlier. Sam, what's his face? Yeah, Moon. Moon, Sam. But that movie is done from a real place of artistry, and it was such an interesting premise.

Yes, yeah, that was an interesting premise. It wasn't like him just, it's not show-off-y or trying to be a movie. The script came before the actor, I'm sure. Yeah. Tom Cruise developed Oblivion, like it'll just be me running around on this planet. He did?

I'm sure he did, yeah. You know, he's... I think that guy works really, really hard. Like, I admire how hard he works to make the silly movies that we get to see. Would you let him fuck you?

You know, twice a year. No. Sure. I'm pretty sure. Is there somebody that you would, is there a dude you would let fuck you just because you admire him so much? Not anymore. What happened?

Fool me once, shame on you. Yeah, I just don't, yeah, I just don't think, I would just be like, can't we just get some drinks? That's what I'm talking about, man. Have a smoke. Matt Flavor's in a Twitter war right now. With who? Do you know a guy named Philly Prince?

No. Philly Prince 1 on Twitter. He's a former odds maker, head, I don't know, ESPN host, Fox radio host. What's he getting Matt and Joey for? I don't know, but his whole page is just going off on him. Well, maybe so that a guy like you will mention it. Yeah, good one. Yeah, he's going off on him saying he got fucked in the ass in prison

and doing all this shit back in the sky. If Joey wants to talk about it, let's have Joey talk about it. Don't give any guy like that any kind of attention. When something like that comes up, that's someone who's trolling. And what they're trying to do is they're trying to get attention from a guy who's got a lot of attention. And what'd you do? You just gave him attention.

Yeah. It's hard to, I mean, in this case, Brian could have not done that, but in sometimes it's like when it's at you, especially, you know,

when someone says something really mean or stupid to me, like sometimes I'll retweet it or something. And, uh, because I just, I get a real charge out of the horrible things that all, that some of my fans will then say to that person, you know, and it's fun to see that all the people defending me but at the same time you know people write to me and say you shouldn't feed the trolls you know you shouldn't you're just giving

them the attention they want it's like yeah but uh you know i think ignoring it sometimes makes them go on to seek more of more of that attention you know this was not even yeah but this doesn't even have to do with us but it's like joey wants to talk about it let joey talk about it but if i want to talk about joey i want to talk about how great he is but it was funny earlier when you met when we were talking about having the pitbull on the on the plane is it's like you were kind of shrugged your shoulders like well i guess you know a guy really likes his dog or whatever and my feeling is is i would hate to sit next to him. Of course. But it's such a lottery that when are we going to sit next to him? So let the guy have his dog, you know?

Like we're not going to have to put up with it. Yeah, but that's one guy. The problem is other people see that and they want to do it. There's a reason why you can't have dogs on planes. One of them is that people are fucking allergic to dogs. Some people are deathly allergic to dogs. Some people, their eyes swell up shut. Second of all, it's not sanitary.

Your dog's got a wide open ass. There's no diaper on it. It's not clean. They fart like crazy. They don't give a shit whether or not people are right next to them. If they have to pee, what are you going to do? It's stupid. It's a dumb thing. If you're going to travel with your fucking dog, your dog should be in the luggage compartment like everybody else's dog.

That's how it's supposed to be. It's not a person. But if you're on with somebody that does have their dog, because it's happened, right? Yeah, I've been next to people that had a dog. Do you say all that to be But if you're on with somebody that does have their dog Because it's happened right Yeah I've been next to people that had a dog Do you say all that to them or do you just go I love dogs I'm never going to have to sit next to this person again So what difference does it make

Yes but no In the current climate Most likely you're not going to have to deal with that But doesn't it make you feel like Larry David though When you see something like that And like on his show he would consistently call people out on stuff and it would just lead to these horrible arguments and these horrible interactions like don't you feel like you know you just can't police everything yes you can't police everything but i was at the fucking bookstore

and this lady i love had a a giant dog it's like a fucking great daneane. And I'm reading a magazine. I feel a dog's nose touch my hand. And I look over and there's a fucking Great Dane. And I go, whoa. And she goes, don't worry, he's friendly. And I go, why is he here? And she goes, he's a service dog. I go, service dog? What is he servicing?

I go, what are you doing? Like, you know, I'm at a fucking bookstore. This is a 180-pound dog. Dog's enormous. And it's licking my hand. Like, this lady, she's not in control of it. And I love dogs. But that's not cool.

You shouldn't have a fucking animal that you can't totally control inside a bookstore. What'd she say to the service question? She didn't answer me. Yeah, because there is no answer. There's no answer. She went and filed the paperwork and got it anyway, even though. We've already discussed this on the podcast, Ad Nauseam, unfortunately. But anybody can get one, right?

Emotional support dogs. Yeah. They're trying to change that law. They're trying to change it because people have abused the shit out of it. Yeah. It's weird, man. People are fucking weird. It's weird that anybody would think that that's okay to do.

There's a lady that goes to my restaurant, a restaurant that I go to near my house, and she brings her dog in all the time. She's a famous lady. She's a movie star. She comes in with this fucking dog, and this dog has this wide, open ass just sitting there rubbing on the ground where people drop their forks and drop your cell phone, pick it up, get dog shit on your hand. Even if it's microscopic amounts, it's disgusting.

This stupid fucking thing is farting in there and licking its own dick. It's ridiculous. The idea that you should be allowed to bring your fucking dog into a restaurant, that shit's ridiculous. Unless you're alone by yourself and you're blind, fuck you. All right? Come in because it's an emotional support dog. That's nonsense.

Yeah, that's a good one. That's really figuring out a way to rig the system. They hacked the American Disabilities Act. That's what they did. They cut into the fucking laws that are in place to help people. And they realized there's a little loophole here and we could fucking bring our dogs everywhere now. Twats. Yeah, they bring their poop hole through the loophole.

Fucking twats. Anything good to say before we end? Can't end a negative like that, Doug. Oh, yeah, let's get real positive. Has it been three hours already? Sweetie, it's over. God damn. It's over.

It goes so fast. It does. It's because you're awesome. Is that why? You're good at this. I listened to a podcast. The other show's drag. That you and I did a long time ago, man.

I just listened to it. It was in the 100s. I was looking for podcasts on my – I've got to talk to you about something. Remind me. After this is over. I can't talk about it on the air, but I've got to talk. Podcast related. Remind me.

Podcast related. Sorry. I started listening to some just different people's podcasts. I was just going over the podcast app on my phone. And then I found one of you and I andrian from like fucking three or four years ago it was like three years ago when we were first starting out i was like wow let me listen to this i don't remember half the shit we were talking about we're talking about things in the news that were like a big deal that i don't remember them at all i don't remember that at all yeah it's weird it's weird

when you go over old podcasts yeah that's So you've had so many of these long conversations like if we had to go through and recap what we talked about today We probably you know would only come up we'd miss some things, you know Well, it's hilarious when people come up to me and go dude What was that story you talked about the podcast about there was like a Russian guy and he got in trouble Mike shit Yeah, your guess is good as mine 400 fucking down, son. Which part of Russia? Yeah, Jesus.

There's also a lot of parts where I don't even remember if this person had been a guest on one of the podcasts I've done before. So I go up to him, I'm like, shit, how do I know this person? Is this person on the podcast? So I'm like Googling the person's name and death squad just to see if they come up. Sure enough, most of the time is like oh, yeah He's a member on pointless or yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's well we went over that number too There's that Dunbar's number you can only keep a hundred and fifty sort of friendships in your head after you get over 150 You're just like it's like there's no room

There's no hard drive space your hard drive is filled up and so you so those are the names you forget Even though they're people you like and you'd be happy to know their name they walk up and you're just like I don't have any fucking idea what you should do Doug Benson is go to Lumosity.com and learn how to enhance do they have like a name game you can play?

they have a motherfucking memory enhancement situation type deal where they hook you up with games and if you tell them that Joe Rogan sent you, it will benefit the podcast, allegedly. They're a good sponsor, though. We like what they do.

I play the games myself. I think it's important to work your brain. And besides doing podcasts and talking about things and doing stand-up and writing, I like to use my brain a bunch of different ways. I like to play certain games. I think the games they have on Lumosity have a real benefit. Tell them that Joe Rogan sent you. You freaks.

And also thanks to Squarespace.com. If you use the code word Joe and the number 10 all together, one word, Joe10, you'll save 10% of your first purchase on new accounts. Includes monthly and annual plans. Squarespace.com. We're also brought and annual plans. Squarespace.com.

We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogan. Save 10% off any and all supplements. We'll be back at least one more time this week, possibly twice. I'm working on some shit, son. I got ions in the fire. Keep it moving.

But I want to thank everybody that came out to the Ontario Improv this past weekend. I had a goddamn fantastic fucking time. Oh, shit. there uh october 16th exactly i saw they had a promo for doug benson um i'm been i told i asked them specifically to play i don't like the whole clips before shows of other comedians thing i just think it's just uh you know there's usually not any real connection there here's another person that tells jokes that you should come pay a lot of money, you see. So I'm kind of against that whole thing. But knowing that you were there last weekend, I was like, made sure that they were playing my clip. Because I know that, you know, the Joe Rogan fans are nothing if not dedicated.

They love you, Doug Madison. Yeah, I love that they come to my shows. They love Joey Diaz, too, and Joey Diaz is performing there soon, too. You can't love him. And for him, they're playing the podcast where he goes off on ranch dressing. So the whole blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother, that rant is what they play at the beginning. Instead of his stand-up, they just play him going off on the podcast.

They should do more of that, I think. That's a smart move. That would have been lost if I didn't bring it up, because he told me that in private once. I heard the original one where we were just like hooters or something, and he's just like, I have a fucking ranch. And he went off, and I was like, holy shit, ranch dressing. It might have been lost, but it might have come back again,

because someone offered him ranch again the other day. Oh, really? We were hanging out again, and some guy offered him ranch. Would you like ranch with your wings? Like a joke. Like he thought it was a joke. I wonder if he gets that now.

Like people that know who he is just give him ranch with everything. Yeah, they want to hear the rant in person. I do not think this particular gentleman was trolling. I think he was really

just offering him ranch with wings. He's like, what do you got with your wings? And the guy was like, well, I can get you some ranch, sir. Like he's pretty serious. He goes, fucking ranch. I want no fucking ranch.

And he was very mild about it. He wasn some ranch, sir. He's pretty serious. He goes, fucking ranch. I want no fucking ranch. And he was very mild about it. He wasn't a rude guy. I hate Asian pussy. What? Well, you say what you hate, and then people just start giving it to you. Never mind. Jesus Christ.

Can I say that October 31st, I'm going to be in San Diego, a Death Squad Halloween show with Sam Tripoli and Tony Hinchcliffe and a bunch of surprise guests. Tell the name of the club. Oh, AmericanComedyShow.com. I'm going to be there too in November, I think, like the night before Thanksgiving. Beautiful. Those are the only plugs I'm going to do

are the same place you guys have been. October 18th, I'm in Houston at the Bayou Music Center with beautiful Tom Segura. I'll be there in November at Houston. Are you really? Yeah, yeah. What are you doing?

Hey, can you give me that driver's info? Do you still use the same driver in Houston? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy's great. Yeah. Okay, that's it. This fucking show's over. Oh, November 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, I'll be at the Irvine Improv.

Oh, I'll be there in December. I've been doing a lot of clubs lately, man. I've been doing weekends at clubs. I man I've been doing like weekends at clubs I kind of stopped doing that for a while Yeah and you're playing these They got a lot of these kind of like big clubs That are practically like playing a theater Yeah but I really

Like the size of the Irvine Improv Or the Ontario Improv That shit's perfect Yeah yeah That's what I'm really enjoying more than anything It's like doing these shows In front of like a tight group Like a club A real club It feels like a club, a real club.

It feels like a club and a theater like in one, you know? It's a very good experience. What's the right amount of people? I like doing both. I like mixing it up, but man, I'm really enjoying the shit out of doing a lot of clubs lately.

Yeah, and it's not fair when people are sitting far away from you. It's not really, you know, they might as well just be listening to it if they can't see you, you know? Well, there's that, and it's also you. You also can't totally hear everything that's going on in the room.

There's a lot of weirdness when you're in a big room and the people are laughing. You can't keep tagging things. You've got to wait until the laughter dies down, or you can't hear what the guy's saying. Like, I've been to, I saw Louis Black recently, and I realized that when I was in the crowd. I was like, oh, I can't understand what the fuck he's saying, like, while everyone's laughing hard

yeah alright folks we love the shit out of ya and we'll see you soon that's it the end big kiss Thank you.