The Joe Rogan Experience - #420 - Tom Rhodes, Bryan Callen

Episode Date: November 20, 2013

Tom Rhodes is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and TV host. Currently he hosts his own podcast available on Spotify called Tom Rhodes Radio. Bryan Callen is an actor, stand-up comedian, and host of his own podcasts: The Bryan Callen Show and The 10-Minute Podcast, with co-hosts Will Sasso and Chris D’Elia.

During my day, Joe Rogan podcast my night, all day. I'm kind of tired of 420. I'm already tired of it. I'm tired of the name. I'm tired of that number. I'm tired of people, 420 dude, it's 420. Yeah. You. Well, people have a need to belong to some kind of a tribe. Even if it's a pot tribe, like it's so funny how human beings cluster in groups.

They just get nationalistic over any cause. Well, in all fairness, though, the pot tribe and the psychedelic tribes are very different because they know some shit that other people don't know. Like if you're dealing with, hey, pot's going to rot your brain. Yeah, all right, dude. Right. Good luck with that thinking. Right.

Potheads unite in that, you know, and that we know. Like this is a good thing. Right. This is a good supplement. It's a good supplement to your life. This is not hurting anybody. This is not bad for you. You know a woman...

She's got bad laws. My friend threw a party, and he had pot cookies and crackers, and a pregnant woman, she was five months, six months pregnant. She ate a bunch of them by accident. So they rushed to the hospital, and she was all bunched, I mean, really high. She didn't realize. I mean, really high. And you know what the doctor said?

The doctor said, don't worry about it. It won't transfer to the fetus. It's fine. If you I mean, really high. She didn't realize, I mean, really high. And you know what the doctor said? The doctor said, don't worry about it. It won't transfer to the fetus. It's fine. If you drink alcohol, way worse. And by the way, alcohol is even worse for a baby than cocaine, by far. And I was amazed. But he said it was actually no worry at all that she'd eaten those popcorn. I'm not advocating pregnant women eat popcorn.

Your son might be writing poetry a lot earlier. But I was very surprised to hear that. Yeah, he might be very mellow when he comes out. He might not be crying. He might be going, dude, when he comes out of your room. Well, it's interesting what the fetus is protected from by the mother, by the body. It's interesting what gets through and what animals gets through. Because like with chickens, I started to raise chickens.

You can feed them food that's kind of a little bad because their body just processed it. It won't affect the eggs at all. You don't want to give them rotten, moldy, fucking worm-covered food, but you can give them some food that you wouldn't eat. Sure. And they'll eat the shit out of it. Give them some rotten fruit. They'll go fucking crazy for it. If you want their shells to be a certain way, they feed them, I think, and for the calcium, they'll feed them stones, a certain type of pebble.

They actually feed them shells. Shells, that's what it is. You take their own eggshells and smash them up in their food. Come on, really? You want to disguise it, though, because if you don't disguise it, then the chicken will know that eggshells taste delicious, so they'll fuck up their own eggs. And when they start eating their own eggs, you got to eat this. Is that right?

Killing your own babies? you got to eat this. You're killing your own babies. Time to make the soup. Don't peak that baby. Otherwise, it'll just be eating eggs all the time. And you just go into the chicken house, the just massive fucking cannibalism. It's just something.

People feed chickens chickens, too. Yeah. On a regular basis. Well, that was, they were doing that for a while. You know, big chicken farms would grind up the beaks and the feet and things like that. They had nothing to do with them. Feed them back to them. And feed them right back to them. I believe that's now illegal.

More respect for such a delicious little creature. That's how mad cow disease got started. Mad cow disease is the same disease that cannibals in New Guinea get. What? They get a brain disease. I think it's the pronunciation. I'm probably probably gonna butcher this, but I think it's like Jacob's-Kruxfeld disease and it's essentially the same disease as this cannibalism disease that the cows get. Mad cow disease comes from feeding cows

cows. That's right. Really? And typically feeding cows the central nervous system of another cow. So they take the spinal cord and things they couldn't really sell or use and they grind it up and they would feed it in. They'd put it back in the, in the feed. As protein for the cows, which are by the way, complete herbivores. They're not supposed to be eating. I mean, they would eat the occasional bug accidentally and their body can process it,

but they're not eating animals. If a cow stumbles across a carcass of a horse, it doesn't just start chowing down. No, man. They eat grass. Yeah. They eat grass. Yeah, they eat grass. So it's so fucked up that they mix this in unbeknownst in their feed. Yeah. And it's so evil that nature made it so that their whole bodies break down when they do that.

And they get this horrible central nervous system. They're also sold by weight. So what they'll do is like the last three months or whatever, maybe even longer longer before they get slaughtered, they put an estrogen pump behind their ear. And the estrogen will actually add weight to their bodies. Yeah, it's good stuff. Well, the weird thing is these prions. Yeah, prions are. Prions?

How do you say it? I think it's prions. Is it prion or prion? Prion. You can boil a prion and it will not die. Yeah. And that's what causes this mad cow disease. Yeah, they can withstand like 1,000 degrees for a year.

Yeah, they're like proteins. Yeah, crazy. They do not die. They don't die. It's not like you can boil mad cow disease meat and be fine if you eat it. It was usually in hot dogs or hamburgers because they were blending the central nervous system. You guys make me want to go on a full fish diet. But then the fish eat like people and everything.

And mercury. Mercury is bad, yeah. I had arsenic in my body from sardines. Yep. I was eating cans of sardines. I used to love sardines. Really? I'd eat two, three cans a day.

You'd eat them like the fish on the cartoon? Because Joe, I just fucking eat them, man. Of course, Joe being the extremist. It's never just one can. I like sardines. Time to eat a thousand. I'm a whale. I just used to love eating them.

And I went to the doctor to get my blood work done. And he goes, you have arsenic in your system. Wow. And I'm like, how much? And he's like,

very little. Like, you don't have to worry about being poisoned, but we need to find out how it's getting in there. And I was like, what? Like, someone you don't have to worry about being poisoned, but we need to find out how it's getting in there. And I was like, what? Like, is someone poisoning me?

But no, it's just eating sardines. I cut it out. Whack. All went away. I was like, wow. He goes, it's very common. He's like, especially with sardines, apparently, because they're bottom feeders. They're always, like, at the bottom.

Yeah. They're where the heavy metals accumulate. Well, you told me that, I remember, and I stopped eating sardines. We broke the ocean. We broke the ocean. You eat two cans eating sardines. We broke the ocean. We broke the ocean. You eat two cans of sardines, they're food. If you eat too much of it, you're getting arsenic in your body. Don't eat bluefin tuna either and don't eat sharks.

How about now? How about don't eat it now? Yeah. Because all the shit that's pouring into the ocean, they're finding there's a 3% jump in the amount of radioactivity that they're detecting in tuna. That's just now. You mean that's from, you're talking about from the...

From Fukushima. Fukushima, yeah. Yeah, I mean, these tuna are traveling all over the fucking ocean. They're on a jetliner. The schools of them. They're getting caught up in the water that's coming from Japan. A lot of water coming from Japan that's radioactive. And who knows what's going to actually happen?

We've never had this happen before. It's total speculation as to what's going to happen with Fukushima. They have not resolved it. We don't know the consequences. We don't know how bad it's going to get. It's basically on the edge. If they get hit again, like they got hit there before, you're talking a monstrous disaster because they can't shut those things down. It's abundantly clear. All the evidence is in place. They can't shut those things down. It's abundantly clear. Isn't that crazy? All the evidence is in place. They can't shut them down. So then it's about storing waste and keeping it cool. And it's just a big fucking hole.

A big stinky nuclear hole in the ground. It's water's getting into it. But you can't get near, I guess, right? You can't even get near. You can get near for like a minute or 30 seconds and your dick will probably break off, but you might live. Yeah. No thanks. We're so weird.

We're so weird. We're so weird that we've done this in such a short period of time. People don't realize what a short period of time it is to ruin two spots forever. The four-mile, three-mile island, whatever the fuck it is, that spot's probably fucked, but not as fucked as Chernobyl and definitely not as fucked as Fukushima. Those places are fucked. Two places in the, what was it, 70 years of using nuclear power?

Right. 70 years of understanding it. We've already fucked two spots up forever. Like for way longer than there's been history. Yeah. Probably longer than we even looked like this. When Enrico Fermi and those guys developed the first nuclear reaction at the University, I think, of Chicago,

they were literally in the gym or in an area right there, and it started to click. And there's a great story that I'm going to butcher, but it's a great story about these brilliant scientists. Enrico Fermi was this guy from Italy who comes along and says they create the first nuclear reaction. They realize we have a nuclear reaction here. Problem is, not sure if we can shut it down. And so they had a guy with buckets of water, and he had some other thing, like there was a hatchet to cut a rope so something would fall on top of it.

They really just didn't know for sure that they were going to be able to shut the thing off. And they were able to, though. I'm sorry about butchering that story, but I just heard it. Well, how about Oppenheimer's speech when they detonated the first nuclear bomb? Oh, yeah. What was it? He quoted something from Hamlet or something, right? The Bhagavad Gita.

Yeah. Oh, well, yeah. I am become death, destroyer of worlds. Wow. Yeah. Dude. I mean, you want to talk about the perfect shit to say After you just blew up a nuclear bomb He was an interesting guy

Did you see that Oliver Stone Untold History of America I didn't but I heard it was amazing I just watched the entire thing How many hours is it? I don't know It's fantastic I was very impressed

And it covers Oppenheimer There's a big communist scare in the United States and all this witch hunt. And apparently Oppenheimer was like a liberal and belonged to every communist party. But they let him slide because he had the knowledge to give them the bomb. And I believe at the end of his life he was very vocal. He was very anti-n I believe at the end of his life, he was very vocal. He was a very anti-nuclear bomb at the end of his life. Wow. Right.

Well, the guy that invented the AK-47 said, I wish I would have invented a lawnmower. Alexei Kalashnikov, I think his name is. Yes, exactly. There's the quote. Watch Oppenheimer say this. This is even freakier. The world would not be the same.

Few people laughed. Look at him saying it, man. Few people cried. You see him up there? Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad Gita. Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad Gita, Vishnu is trying to persuade

the prince that he should do his duty and to impress him takes on his multi-armed form and says, now I am become death the destroyer of worlds. Wow.

I suppose we all thought that one way or another. He's haunted, isn't he? You see his face? Yeah, that's a haunted man. How can you not be? Could you imagine what it's like to have no nuclear bomb ever

and then all of a sudden the nuclear bomb is here, and it's coming from your imagination? It's a genie out of the bottle. You know, that untold history of America, you'll love it. And there's a great thing in there about the Cuban Missile Crisis and how close we actually came to nuclear annihilation in this country and in the world. That's right. And apparently there was like one admiral guy, submarine, Russian submarine, nuclear sub guy who stopped it all because they had lost communication with Moscow and their orders were if they lost communication, that means they've been attacked and that they should launch the things.

So like they were totally about to attack and it was this one guy's decision not to do it. God damn it. That would have just annihilated half of the plug. Oh, God. There wasn't some fucking... Who was the guy who used to be the Attorney General? John Ashcroft? Yeah, that guy.

Who used to sing that Eagle song? Yeah, about that Christian Eagle song. Yeah, the Christian Eagle song. Sure have. He wrote a song. He wrote his own song. Yeah. He was the Attorney General at one time.

I mean, that's a big position of power. Could you imagine if a guy like that was the guy who got to make the call? Well, at the end of the day, it is the admirals and those guys who have to actually make that call on the submarine. But people have made it, obviously. They dropped one of the Enola Gay. They dropped the other one on Nagasaki. What was the plane that did that? There was another plane, Enola Gay, and there was one other plane, right?

Did I ever tell you Larry Small? I'm sorry. You don't know the name? I'm sorry. You just changed the subject? The Enola Gay. What was the question? I'm sorry about that. Well, I said there was the Enola Gay, but it was another plane that dropped some on Nagasaki.

I don't remember. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's trivia. Big boy and little boy with the bombs, right? I've seen it. It's at the Air Force Museum in Dayton, Ohio. I watched that stupid movie, Wolverine, the new one.

And he's a part of the Nagasaki blast. One of them. And, you know, there's a nuclear blast and he gets fucked up by the nuclear power. But he, you know, turns back into Wolverine again. Boxcar? That's the other one? Boxcar. That's it.

Boxcar. Boxcar. There's a guy I know who was the president of the Smithsonian Museum. And he used to keep a bottle. Museum name dropper. I know. I know. I know.

You're an intellectual name dropper. I am. I'm an intellectual name dropper. Oppenheimer. Smithsonian. Exactly. Well, I must say. You were having tea with Oppenheimer.

I should be speaking this way, of course. You get away with a great deal. You dropped your monocle. Of course, when you speak this way, you get away with a great deal. Joe's a very good point you make. But he used to keep a model of the Enola Gay on his desk. And around his desk, he had a red bonnet. And when people would come in and this one person said to him,

you know, I find your plane very offensive because it dropped a bomb and killed 100,000 people. And he said, I agree, it's a terrible symbol, but I have also a red bonnet around here. And the bonnet belongs to, my wife was in fact a prisoner of war in a Japanese concentration camp. And she had rickets because they weren't giving her enough food or anything for that matter.

And when the bomb was dropped, the Japanese surrendered, and this little girl was liberated two days later and ended up being my wife and giving birth to my children. So I actually liked the Enola game. It was kind of a controversial thing to say. I remember there was something that Pilot said. It was interviewed about it. He talked about when he dropped that bomb,

that the plane felt like someone was beating it with a telephone pole. True. Like the after blast of that explosion. And they dropped it, and they're moving. That's far ways like 10. And he said even at that. Not enough. Not enough. And, you know, they were, they dropped it and they're, you know, they're moving at a nice velocity. And he said, even at that, not enough. The whole plane was just rocking.

That must have fucked them up too, right? I mean, of course. They had to be. Well, I just think more than anything, what it does to your imagination and how you must have felt, the fear you must have felt, the power human beings have to destroy. It takes so long to build something think about how long it would take to build a city and then think how quickly you can destroy a city or how long it takes to build a human being and how easy it is to destroy that human being that's always been the thing about life that has kept me uh i think in some ways motivated in that i don't

know how much time i have but we were talking about it. Stay positive and keep trying to accomplish stuff because there's not a whole lot of time to waste in a way. I'm going to have my fun before the whole shithouse goes up in flames. Jim Morrison, baby. And on that series was fantastic. There was a thing where Gorbachev was totally wanted to denuclearize Russia. It was before the Soviet Union collapsed. He realized that it was futile to spend all this money

and that a lot of that money could be educating and feeding really poor Russian people. But Reagan, they were set on spending all this money on the Star Wars program, which all this money had been earmarked for it, which was totally unnecessary. And the Russians were totally, you know, doing whatever we wanted for these treaties. And Reagan was just, you know, big dick actor guy, you know, playing hardball for, you know, the money war machine of this country. But and that's actually what they said that, you know, led to Gorbachev's demise and why the Soviet Union ultimately collapsed. Well, it was really interesting to Gorbachev's demise and why the Soviet Union ultimately collapsed.

It was really interesting. Gorbachev actually was like this really visionary, smart, he was like an agricultural leader. He was like a farmer. That's how he came to power in Russia. But that Reagan doctrine. He totally wanted to do away with all nuclear weapons and be friends with the United States.

And Reagan just was the cowboy actor. Well, no, but before that, the Reagan doctrine, there was a systematic decision among many people in the United States to say, look, let's force the Soviets into an arms race because their economy cannot support it. That's exactly what happened. And so what we'll do is we'll literally... That was the idea behind Star Wars, the idea behind the SDI and just really pushing that arms race on the Soviets, not just nuclear but also conventionally. We developed planes that flew way better than those MiGs because we had a metal alloy that burned hotter, that could withstand more heat. So our planes were faster and flew higher. And that was a huge advantage over the

MiGs. So the Soviets very quickly realized that they were not going to be able to compete technologically with us. And that's exactly right. And a lot of people say that the Soviet, first of all, communist system was a failed experiment for the most part. But a lot of people say that so much of it had to do with, you know, I went there when I was 17 in 1985. And one of the things that struck me was seeing bread lines, people waiting in line for bread in the morning. And the other thing that really struck me about being there at 17 years old, and I'm not kidding about this, no one smiles. No one smiles. And I had grown up all over the world and seen different people.

Usually the people that I was around looked a little bit differently than I did. They were Pakistani or they were Indian or they were Lebanese. When I went to Russia, what was striking was that they looked, they were Caucasian. That somehow I saw all these people that looked American and they weren't smiling. And the food was terrible. And there was this really, and the way they would clap when we would go to, we went and saw these shows. They don't clap like this, like the way we do. They clap like this.

All of them at the same time. Like that. That's how they clap. The uniformity in that society that was forced on them was mind-blowing, man. It was mind-blowing. Whoa. I went to St. Petersburg

about 10 years ago. It was a... I see what you're saying. It was pretty bleak. Well, 10 years ago is a little bit different, though. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot has changed.

I think things were way bleaker when you were there. But I see they weren't as happy. Blame the Mongols. But it was a pretty cool time. The Mongols conquered those motherfuckers for hundreds of years. They conquered everybody.

The Mongols came through Moscow in the winter. They came through the fucking, they attacked Russia in the winter because nobody else would do it that way, and they didn't see it coming. Did I tell you why they were so hard to follow into the desert? Who? The Mongols. You didn't have to tell me. I know a lot about them, but go ahead if you want to.

What are you, a fucking educator? Well, no, because some societies would get their armies together. I know. Have I briefed you? Have I briefed you on the Mongols, my friend? I'm glad you asked. They would get these armies together and go into the Gobi Desert after them because they'd be so fed up with their fucking raids and stuff and everything else.

Problem was, you can get about six days in, and that's when your water starts to run out. Then you have to turn back around because you've got to feed all your horses and everybody water. It's really dry. You can maybe get six days in. Here's what the Mongols would be doing. They'd be drinking their horse's blood. They'd be tapping a vein and just hanging just out of reach.

And then when you'd turn around all parched, they'd wait until you were about a day from home. They'd be like, oh, they're really thirsty. Here we come, boys. And they'd just close in on you and destroy you. They did a lot of ruthless shit. They were the most ruthless motherfuckers of all time. Yeah, and Genghis Khan ran into a huge problem because he was doing these raids with his boys. They would bring the young kids along

to teach them how to do these things. And they also had a philosophy that if you're a human being from another tribe or whatever, you're basically chattel. You're on the same level as a goat and stuff like that. The problem was that these boys were growing up seeing this horrific shit, rape and stealing and looting and killing. They started doing that these boys were growing up seeing this horrific shit, rape and

stealing and looting and killing. They started doing that to their own women. They started doing that to their own people because these young warriors came back to, you know, when they'd be at the village and they would go, I'm taking that. I want to rape that girl. I'm taking this. And Genghis Khan realized there was going to be a breakdown from within, kind of a snake eating its own tail. And he then had to really instill the idea of the things that glue a society together. Not only do you, you can't just tell warriors how to behave. You have to tell them why they have to behave that way if you don't have a philosophy. And it was a real crisis for him and for his empire. Was that the demise of the Mongol people?

The demise of the Mongol people apparently was when they would come in and they sacked most of what we know as the Middle East, for example. The Middle East had its own renaissance and it was destroyed by the Mongols. They were huge shitheads. I think what happens to any invading army is you start marrying,

you start... Not everybody's an asshole. Ideas kind of win the day where you're like well how much can we destroy until you know well there's a bunch

there was a bunch of issues with the Mongols one of them was that Genghis Khan died and his sons inherited his empire and his sons never had to go through what he went through

so they were never the same man he was they didn't have the character that he had they weren't brilliant military strategists like he was Dan Carlin's five part series

if anybody is interested in it, and you want to learn about the Mongols without actually having to read a book, because that shit's difficult and annoying. Thank you. Hardcore history. It's called Wrath of the Khan, and it's an amazing five-part series on the Mongols. It'll freak you out, man.

Sweet. They were headed into Jin, China, these Arab dudes. They were trying to check out China to see if maybe they should go in there and kick some ass and take some riches. They'd heard great things. They got there, and they saw in the distance what they thought was a snow-capped mountain. It turned out to be a mountain of bones, just a pile of bones, because the Mongols had killed a million people. Wow. They killed everyone.

million people. Wow. They killed everyone. They killed everyone in these cities where they had 40 foot high clay walls and they'd get there and there'd be no one there. And the Khwarizmi and Shah's troops had to turn around because the ground had become decayed from rotting flesh. It was just mud

everywhere. God damn. And the smell was so thick in the air that his troops were dying. God. They were dying from the fucking, the odors of the dead bodies. There were so many dead bodies that his troops were dying. They were dying from the fucking odors of the dead bodies. There were so many dead bodies. The roads were gone. There was no roads. It was just mud from decaying flesh. I asked a historian

on my podcast if they were really that bad. He spent his life studying the Mongols. I said, are they really that bad? He said, yeah. They were really that bad. There's no dispute. The Great Wall of China was built to keep the Mongols out. Yeah.

And if you go there now, I just got back from China on Monday. I went to the Great Wall like two weeks ago. But the first time I went to the Great Wall was about 12 years ago. And there's Mongolian people hang out on the top, just a few of them that are like selling things, like women selling postcards and cheap stuff. And I bought some postcards. It was like a dollar. I gave the woman a 10.

She wouldn't give me the change. She wouldn't give you the change. They might be rotten people historically, but I also want to remind you that they'll cheat you at the Great Wall. Hey, Tom, Tom, that's outrageous. She wouldn't give you the change. They'll cheat you at the Great Wall. She wouldn't give you change.

How did that go down? You know, good friend, good friend. You know, good friend you know it was just wanted to keep the money it was awkward yeah she's calling you good friend yeah yeah yeah yeah good friend that's interesting good friend uh i was just at the great wall and again did you get your money uh i didn't they there was a few there selling like cokes and some different trinkets. I didn't fall for it this time. It's crazy. Yeah, but at the Great Wall. The $10.

I never got it back. Wow. No, no, no. It's kind of a detailed question there. At the Great Wall. I had to find out what the fuck happened. Leaves you hanging. Yeah.

My friend, my good friend. What happened? What the fuck happened? I got a video on YouTube, Beijing, Tom Rhodes Beijing, and it's on there. I had my camera running. Oh, you could see the woman not giving you the money back? The woman, and she's not giving me the change. Really?

So it's in my little Beijing video. What's the video title again? It's Tom Rhodes Beijing. Okay. And what's in that video also is the greatest thing. As great as the Great Wall is, there is a toboggan slide that you go down. It's a little, you get to sit on like a little luge plastic thing and you got to stick between

your legs and you push it forward to go fast and pull it back to slow down. And it's windy and it's got some huge drops in it. Dude, I went there. I don't remember that. Damn it. Why did I get that? There's three sections that tourists can go to the Great Wall. And there's only the one section that has this fantastic, magnificent slide.

And it's thrilling. And then you get down to the bottom and there's a big... It's on that Beijing video. I filmed it while I did it. I guess it's the only... But I just did it again a few weeks ago. And at the bottom are... There it is, exactly.

There's some Chinese soldier soldier communist guys with like military jackets on down at the bottom on these big turns going slow down slow down you're moving because obviously they've had a few people like fly flip off the corners oh my god that's so scary and you can how are you slowing down how do you slow it down well you just you pull the stick uh towards you oh my god and i did it i wouldn't see that was in winter when I first went but I Just did it again, man It's it's I wanted to go right back up to the top Is that is that as great as the Great Wall is I think that slide is even cooler

And that's how avoid the Mongols at the top. I want to see the Mongol footage. I want to see that broad I think the only man-made structure from what I understand that you can see from space. Apparently that's horseshit. I said that too. I thought so. Here it is. Here it is. Yeah, this is Mongolia peach. Old big wall.

You look long and go out. Winter snow. It's nice with the snow on it. Okay, 10 cars. Long and go out. Oh. $1 tip. River tip.

$1. River tip. How much is that? Yeah. What's that, 10? 10, yeah. 10. $1. River tip. Alright, how much is, what's that, $10? $10, yeah. $10. I change. You change?

Change. Okay. When you do da-da. Okay. Where's my change? Let's go. Have a look. No, no, $10, $10.

Where's my change? $1, $2, $3, $3. Give me $1. $1 change. No, $1, $10, $2, $20. Are you filming me getting ripped off at the Great Wall? Give me one of them. Okay.

And then we're even. All right. It would sound to me like you asked her ten. I gave her ten. It was a dollar for the postcards. Right, but she was saying, yeah, ten. If you go back, I think it was a miscommunication. No, she thought you were paying ten bucks.

That's what it sounded like to me. The woman knew fully what was happening. I gave her a 10. Listen, I trust her. $1. Yeah. All right, how much is that? You guys, this is good.

Watch this, look. 10, yeah. See, 10, 10, yeah. I change. You change? Change. Okay. When you do da-da.

No, like 10 Chinese is like $1. Okay, so she did say change. I change. But like 10 Chinese is like a dollar. Okay, so she did say change. I change. She's pushy, too. Look at her.

She's kind of like... She slapped you with her knuckle. She's every bit as wide as you are, by the way. She'd probably eat you. Yeah. If no one was around. I just spent three weeks in China. She probably would. Eat you.

She'd probably eat you. She'd probably drink my horse's blood. So she gave you that too? Is that the compensation? That was it, yeah. That's actually not a bad deal. That wasn't a bad deal. You got a gold medal, dude.

Yeah, you won. You won the bronze. Exactly. I just got back from China on Monday, and I have to say the nice thing about our country is the price is the price. You don't have to. How much is this? $200. Are you kidding me?

They'll give you the highest price. You want to buy something and you know it's only a couple dollars. You say, how much is that? $80. Turkey was like that. There's no way that that can be $80. Then you get them down to like halfway. Why don't you just tell me what you need?

But some people like that. Tell me the price you need. Oh, yeah. Bartering? Oh, yeah. It's bartering, man. But don't we have that here with car sales? Then why has it got to be like that? Why can't you just give me the price? need. Oh, yeah. Bartering? Oh, yeah. It's bartering, man. But don't we have that here with car sales? Then why has it got to be like that?

Why can't you just give me the price? I don't understand it. It hurts my friend. Charge what you need on the little extra over. Just tell me what the price is. I literally say, that's how I do a car. I go, listen, I know you want to make some money on this. I'm not going to kill you.

I don't have any energy to haggle. If you want to take a little bit advantage of me, it's fine. Just give me a price I can live with. I don't want to hear that I got completely destroyed. Eh, it's $100 extra. Whatever. Yeah, like whatever. I don't want to do that.

But some people love it. They don't want to buy anything unless they can haggle. They're like, come on. Help me out here. Give me something. Give me a little something. They like it. It's like there's a thrill involved in the negotiation.

They can walk away knowing that they saved $5 or whatever. If you think about it, that's kind of exactly how Wall Street works. I mean, you think something's worth something, and the other person thinks it's worth this, worth this. Derivatives are that way. I'm betting on the company going up. You're betting on the company going down. He's betting on the company staying where it is.

There's a financial instrument that reflects that. I'll buy, I'll short it, or I'll go long on it. That's exactly how huge sums of money are made and lost every day. You're absolutely right. I was just, when I was in Hong Kong, I got to go on Bloomberg Financial Television. Whoa. And I was interviewed by their four main hosts. And Bloomberg Financial News goes Whoa. And I was interviewed by, like, their four main hosts. And Bloomberg Financial News goes all over the world.

And for some reason, this guy, the guy that coordinated the shows, had a link with Bloomberg. And I'm on there. And it's their four main worldwide hosts. And they're all, like, all these questions kept. And they're asking me about the markets. You know that's a sure sign of the apocalypse. When I'm on Bloomberg television.

What are they asking you? And they're asking, they're just throwing all these financial questions at me. The guy asked me, what do I think of Ben Bernanke retiring? And I said, I think now he has to turn in his skin suit and go back to lizard form. And the guy goes, reptilian. And I go, yeah. I mean, they were like such serious...

You look like Steven Seagal. This Asian woman. No, stop. He does not. He looks way better than Steven Seagal. How dare you? You look like an athletic Steven Seagal. Brian Callen, how dare you? A little bit there. He looks fantastic. He's a good looking guy. He's dreamy. He's a good looking guy. How dare you? And how dare you? A little bit there. He looks fantastic. Yeah, he's a good-looking guy. Look at him. He's dreamy.

He's a good-looking guy. Steven Seagal. How dare you? And how dare you to Steven Seagal? You look like a good-looking Steven Seagal. That's why. I hate being called Steven Seagal. Sorry.

Sorry, Todd. That's okay, man. And the podcast goes downhill. You wouldn't hate it if those skills were necessary. Knock, knock. There it is. Knock, knock. Who's there?

Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal who? At Showbiz. Oh, God. That's Showbiz. The Showbiz joke. It is. Knock, knock. Who's there? Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal who? At Showbiz. Oh, God. That's Showbiz. The Showbiz joke. It is. But anyway, I'm on this financial thing, and they're throwing these questions at me.

It was ridiculous. And the attractive Asian woman tried to get all philosophical with me. I haven't got a lot to say about comedy killer. Before this? Yeah, it's actually something I thought of the last time I was on your show I said this thing about pockets started all our financial problems and so the guy pushed it he's he goes Let me buy you a drink. Can I have a vinegar and water for the douchebag, please? There we go. The guy pushed it.

He goes, what's the... They're all kind of like, ooh. Probably the last time you're going to have a comedian on this show. Right, but see what the guy did there. He goes, what's the worst comeback line you have for a heckler? And I said, it's too filthy to say on television. And he says, what's your second best one? So, I mean, the dude should have left it alone.

And this is, I'm on live television. And I'm trying to be clever and quick in this barrage of questioning. That guy, and then they all get like, whoa. Now we're banned in four markets. Well, you fucked up then, son.

All I could get over in this video is how weird her dress is. That girl's, both of their vaginas are just out there in the breeze. That is a high state of mind right there. How weird are dresses? Look at that outfit she's got on. She's got this little thing that's draped over the opening of her vagina. Just so cleverly, the parts that we're going to show is right up to the gateway of the vagina.

And then from there, there's nothing but a breeze. Nothing but a breeze and two crossed legs and this tiny, the thinnest possible type of cloth we can make. The thinnest, lightest, most times see-through. You can see pubic hair right through the fucking thing. That's there. Hey, man, you're getting a little too detailed. It's just weird. It's just weird how women are through the fucking thing. That's there. Hey, man, you're getting a little too detailed. It's just weird. It's just weird how women are allowed to do that. It's so rude.

No wonder why alimony laws are in the position they're in. We're at a severe disadvantage just by their attire. They're fucking dangling a carrot. They're dangling a carrot. It's rude. I never realized it. It's a total dangled carrot move. Not only that, how about the fact they got shoes on that make

their ass do something that it never does in real life. You're leaning forward as if you're just begging for someone to fuck the doggy style. All day long, you're just accentuating your ass. You're leaning forward. You're giving step one to a five-step process of doggy style. You're already at step one everywhere you go. That's genius. Why isn't the man who invented high heels, why isn't that a household name?

Well, first of all, that's the most genius thing because you can get, guys will spend, I put myself in debt buying girls dinner who look that good in high heels. And then the heels come off in the back of your house and everything else changes. You're like, oh man, that's just somehow, that's a huge difference. I mean, a huge difference. Okay, I'm totally different. That doesn't do a damn thing to me. Really?

It doesn't do anything to me. I don't get it at all. I mean, if a woman has beautiful legs, the legs are beautiful. And if she's barefoot, it's just as hot. Well, when a woman walks with confidence in heels, not like those big stripper fucking stiletto things, but like nice high heels where you see a woman who walks confidently in it. No, no, what I'm saying is that it is definitely debilitating.

Yeah, it's like a man who's really good at the trapeze. The caveman drool, you know? So it's like a man who's really good at the trapeze. Wow. Look at what skill he's acquired. Look at her. Oh, what I'm saying is that a woman can have not such a great ass and legs, and in the right heels, you can get very fooled.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, it definitely accentuates. Yeah, and then things come off, and you're like, oh, well, that wasn't exactly what I was expecting. Yeah, like lingerie doesn't do shit for me. Yeah, I take it off too quickly. I mean, I guess it does. If it looks good, it looks good. I mean, but if like, you know, is it necessary?

No, no. I notice when a woman dresses well and cool. Like some girls dress really cool in an effortless way. I find that very attractive. You're a weird motherfucker. That's why. Why? You're into fashion.

Yes, I am. Turn to the left, fashion. What if a girl showed up at your house with Velcro shoes on and a fanny pack, but she had a banging ass? A banger. Yeah, it wouldn't really bother you, right? It wouldn't bother me at all. What are you talking about? A girl could be in a burlap sack.

I don't give a shit. You forget that in moments when she was naked. That's like, guys, I've always been the kind of guy, like my friends would be like, nah, I would've, dude, but I couldn't get past her feet. Shut the fuck up, you baby. There are some feet that really will fuck you up. Yeah, she could have hooves. Alright? She's got a

banging ass. I think there's an evolutionary thing for that, though. Someone's got some crazy fucked up feet. Yeah. You're like, hey, hey, hey. Bunions. Am I going to have to carry you? That's true. If you're looking for food, it's going to be a certain point in time where you're not

going to be able to make it. That's really funny. Where are you going? I wonder if that's true. That's 100% what it is. Why else would it be feet? How come you're not weirding out about her elbows? I like petite arched feet.

I think an arched foot is very sexy. A petite foot? Really? That's so weird. Yeah. Yeah, that's not good. I just like using French in sentences. I like the arch. A flat foot on a... I like the foot of a woman who can go hiking. A woman who's got some sturdiness to her.

Yeah. You don't have to have little tiny feet, you fucking weirdo. He wants these chicks to be barely able to talk. Hey, bro. Excuse me. Mr. these chicks to be barely able to talk. Hey, bro. Excuse me. Mr. Callan, if you just let me unzip, I can't unzip your pants. It's too hard.

Can you do it for me? They have to have a German accent. I don't know why. Mr. Callan. Mr. Callan. You're married, aren't you? What's the ideal weight? Right, right. What's the ideal weight?

For me? Another dimension if you weren't married. What's the ideal weight? About 80 pounds? No, no, no. No, no. It's a breeding weight? For me? Another dimension if you weren't married. What's the ideal weight? About 80 pounds? No, no, no. No, no. It's a breeding thing. I need about 115 is good.

115, 120. 115. But athletic. I like athletic. I like broad shoulders, small waist, and high insertion calves. It's funny, man, the skirt thing. It's a very weird thing. When you see them walking down the street,

and especially in Hollywood, like on Melrose, you'll see people walking down the street wearing their skirt. And these are not sluts. I shouldn't even use that word. We shouldn't slut shame. It's really not nice. Women who want to have sex with people, they're not sluts.

They're angels. They're enjoying their life. They're angels sent from the Lord. I hate myself for using that term. They're angels sent from the Lord. What I should say is these are not prostitutes. These are just girls who like to dress in style and sexy. And they're wearing these shorts that are just, there's just a little canopy over your vagina hole.

That's silly. I never knew that. That's so funny. I mean, it's just dangling right there. You're talking about maybe three inches. Hard to get work done. Maybe three inches. And to get work done. Maybe three inches. And they have a skirt.

The lower part of their ass. It's a normal thing to see the lower part of a girl's ass in a skirt in Hollywood. It's a normal thing. Exactly. It's ridiculous. It fucks the whole game up. It completely ruins. Completely distracting.

It completely ruins our ability to form rational thoughts and figure out what we really want to do. Well, before the podcast, you were talking about how important it is to keep your mind on the right things. Yeah. In a way, some societies are like, you know what? All women are going to be completely covered because nobody's getting any fucking work done. Maybe that's where the burka came from. Of course that's where the burka came from. We need to build a fucking pyramid, goddammit.

We don't need to be staring at ass all day. Cover these bitches. We got work to do. Yeah, cover them. Cover them up. We got to build came from. We need to build a fucking pyramid, goddammit. We don't need to be staring at ass all day. Cover these bitches. We got work to do. Cover them. Cover them up. We got to build pyramids. We got to push rocks. Nobody wanted to push rocks.

No doubt. They just want to stare at chicks in miniskirts. People will hook up eventually. If you have enough attractive people of the opposite sex in the same room for long enough, things are going to happen. Yeah. Even if you're not in the same room. Exactly.

They smell each other. We're fucking weirdos. It's interesting because everybody, remember when you were in high school and you were learning about Rome and the collapse of the empire and it was always about the excesses. It was always Caligula and the vomitoriums, which apparently, allegedly weren't real. Apparently there's no real evidence that there was vomitoriums. That they really got they really like stick a feather down their throat yeah tour let me let me make sure that's true because uh i believe i read

that but i could have been another one of those i've read articles that's one of the problems with fucking the internet is you'll read like really convincing articles and then you start like saying it like it's gospel well and then you read an article that's totally contradict contrary to that, totally the opposite conclusion. And that's very convincing too, and you're like, God damn it. That's why historians who do a lot of primary research and really work on their source material,

that's where you should get the bulk of your information. Professors and historians. Oh, this is interesting. Vomitorium is actually a passage situated below or behind a tier of seats in an amphitheater or stadium through which big crowds can exit rapidly at the end of the performance. So it's actually the idea is like the idea of a vomitorium. It sounds like it was ignorance. It sounds like whoever was talking about it didn't understand that that was from a Latin word, which means to spew forth, meaning how to get crowds in and out of places. Oh, wow. There you go.

Wow. And so we decided that it was the vomit. There was a room that they would go after dinner and vomit. But for sure someone's done that, right? For sure someone stuck a feather down their throat so they could keep eating. Sure. Why not? If everything's happened, that's happened. I heard a really cool – this professor at Oxford, a philosophy professor, was talking about the rise of Christianity and why it took hold.

And one of the things he said is during Rome, Rome was – had conquered so much of the world. And Rome was kind of bursting at the seams with Greek philosophy, with their elite were taught by Greek tutors and their documents officially were written in Greek. And so Socrates and Aristotle and all the great philosophers had a profound effect on the Roman Empire, their justice system, their property right laws and things. And at the end of the day, regardless,

the Roman Empire was crumbling from the inside out. It was decaying from the inside out. And along comes this radical rabbi, Jesus Christ, Jesus of Nazareth, who comes along with this radical idea. And his apostles, you know, later on took these ideas into the Roman Empire. His apostles later on took these ideas into the Roman Empire, but it took hold basically – the theory was because people were looking for something more, the idea that it's not just about reason. It's about faith. There's two articles that are hilarious back-to-back just to prove what we were just talking about. One of them was Jesus, a Roman invention. a Roman invention. And there's an article on Huffington Post

that there's a guy who is a biblical scholar, allegedly, who has these revelations threatening to undo Christianity. And he believes that he's got proof that the idea of Christian

was a creation, or the idea of Jesus Christ was a creation by the Romans. Well, it lasted. That's for sure. Yeah, but, I mean, it's possible. It could be. But it's fascinating.

There's that. But if you Google further, by the way, Huffington Post has one of those weird things where it tries to get you to not back click. Wow. Those are so gross. What? Why is that?

When you try to scroll backwards, it just resets the page. Scroll backwards. I hate that shit. It happens only when you use the swipe thing on a laptop to go backwards, but it doesn't if you actually use the arrow, but you've got to go out there and use the arrow. But you go to Catholic Answers, and the title of the article is, No, the Romans did not invent Jesus.

So it's like you could find whatever you want to find. You could find the Romans invented Jesus. You could find that Jesus was a real historical guy. Christianity filled in the power vacuum after the collapse of the Roman Empire. Constantinople. Yeah. His wife was a Christian. Constantine, yeah.

And for some reason, wasn't that why he permitted Christianity in Italy? Yeah, he decided to accept the idea. He permitted Christianity in Italy. He decided to accept the idea that Christ was Lord. That he was more than just flesh. Did you ever see The God Who Was There? The God Who Wasn't There? It was a documentary. 2005. Disproving

apparently according to the documentary disproving the actual birth and life of Jesus Christ and saying that it was just a myth? Well, either way, what I think is actually interesting and kind of radical about the idea was in Rome, the entire ethos and credo of the country was might makes right.

I mean, their statues were muscular. It was all about domination, and there was the weak and there were the strong. And they had a whole pantheon of gods that, you know, kind of supported something of that. And, and, and their gods also were kind of gods that were a little bit out of reach of, you didn't, don't pray to them too much. Cause you might anger them. They were always a little bit out of reach, you know, like Thor. Yeah. I mean, they were, they were, they were their own, yeah, they were their own kind of entity that you could sort of sometimes have communion with, but you had to be very careful because they were jealous and they would do things to you.

They'd bang your wife, right? Sure. That's what Zeus did, right? That son of a bitch. But what Christianity came along and said was, which is interesting, and I've never been very religious, but love thy enemy and the idea of forgiveness and the idea of love in general, those are very

it's interesting how powerful and soft, but how powerful and resonant those ideas are and how they stayed powerful. Help the needy. Help the weak. The meek shall inherit the earth. Why are you talking like a preacher? Help the needy Help the weak The meek shall inherit the earth Why are you talking like a preacher?

Help the needy They're very enduring ideas In the brutal era when that came out He was a radical Even the example Of him being Crucified and tortured Okay but stop

Those ideas are all like ideas that everyone has if you're a moral person, if you love your friends and neighbors, if you realize after life and years of experience what's good and what's bad. You know, when it works out, it seems to work out when I'm nice to people. Absolutely.

Let's write that shit down. Absolutely. I mean, just to say that that was, you know, that it was anything other than that. Well, I'm just saying it did, though, have an effect on history and it did change things. But no one knows. No one knows

where the fuck it came from. No one knows where any of these ideas came from. And not only that, by the time you're getting them, the way they've been broken down from ancient Hebrew

to Latin to Greek, ancient Hebrew, they're still struggling with most of it. It's like three-quarters of the words in ancient Hebrew is like some debate about

because they had numbers and numbers were letters. The letters are numbers and there's numericalquarters of the words in ancient Hebrew is like some debate about. Because they had numbers, and numbers were letters. The letters are numbers, and there's numerical value to the words. So anybody saying that it means anything, it's like, boy, you sure? You need a lot of fucking scholars to sit down and break that shit down. For you to be confident about what you read in English, about what the Bible says, stop. I believe in God, but I think all the evidence points that God's an asshole. If he exists, why would he put the three major religions capital in the same spot?

I've traveled all over the world. Why couldn't he have put the Jews capital in Hawaii, the Christians in the Caribbean? Why would he have more than one religion? Where everyone would be happy to visit the other person's place and learn things. But Christianity and Islam come from the Old Testament. It's recognized in both religions as the first book. Did you know Oliver Stone's son converted to Islam? No, I didn't know that.

Did he really? That's when you know you raised your kid right. That's when you know you knocked it out of the park. That is the ultimate White American Your dad's a super fucking star I think I'm gonna convert to Islam There's only one way

I see the writing on the wall Did he change his name? I see where this fucking breeze is going Yeah I'm joining that team Allah Huqba Well Cat Stevens decided

I guess he got really Christian Then he decided to be You know A Muslim Yeah I mean He went deep. And he basically stopped recording. I know.

For years. Didn't he do a new album recently? Yeah, he did a couple years ago. That's a strange cat, man. Who knows, man? More than one guy has done it. More than one guy smarter than me has converted. Yep.

To all sorts of things, man. I've met brilliant people that converted to Mormonism. I'm like, all right. I mean, I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on. I don't want to ask. I'm too tired. It's the ideas that I was talking about were those simple ideas that seem like they're, like you said,

I don't know where they came from, but the fact is they lasted. And maybe they, I think they always existed with human beings. It's things that people learn. Everyone learns. If you're in a tribal situation, everyone learns camaraderaderie you all learn that you don't want your family members to get eaten by a lion we all learn how to keep each other together we all feel the rush of survival we all love each other there's a little bit of a difference and that is that the difference is this and this was this was the the essentially what the christians i believe, the idea, the example of Christianity contributed

was the idea that, yes, tribes will say that about each other, the Mongols and everybody else. The difference was that along comes this guy, whether he was God or not, or he existed. The idea was all of us are of the same moral worth. We all come from the same father, no matter what your skill set, no matter what your skin color, no matter what your background. And that idea, it has lasted. And that idea is the cornerstone of our justice system and everything else. That is the contribution. That's what every hippie figures out when they get high. That's what happens. It's every hippie figures that out when they get high. We're all the same, man. We are all the same, dude.

Eat a pot brownie. That's exactly what you'll figure out. You'll figure out we're all exactly the same. So it's like the idea that this was some magical thing to figure out. Like, come on. Everybody figures that out. Well, it was given form, though. It was given form.

Like the Bible gave it form. Sort of. It also just was wrapped up by a bunch of bishops and Constantine to try to control people. Yeah, but you still need symbols, I guess, to fall back on. The pagans were too hard to pin down. These motherfuckers were worshiping the moon and shit. Like, stop. It made too much sense.

They would celebrate during the summer solstice and the winter solstice. They had all these celebrations they would not budge from. So Christianity had to say, listen, listen to this. What a fucking coincidence. Our fucking God was born in the same day as you win a solstice. Dude, what are the odds? You guys got to join us. Join up with us.

Come on. We have the fucking same thing. We call it Christmas. We put a tree out. They started incorporating pagan aspects into their religions. Why are we running naked in the moonlight? He was born in April. Jesus was supposed to be born in April.

He wasn't born in July or in December. Do you know what's pretty wild about it? I always forget about one of the enduring qualities of at least Catholicism is the idea of confession. That is a very strong, strong thing to be able to go to a priest once a week or every day and confess your sins and be absolved of them. Wow. And it's totally anonymous. Talk about the first therapy. There is clearly, that was one of the biggest things people needed.

It wasn't the first therapy. You're crazy. People were going to their hearts out. That was invented purely to control rebellion, to figure out who's doing what wrong, to figure out who's trying to overthrow the catholic church a hundred percent dude you weren't even allowed to oh you mean you mean like being able to confess confession they want to know what the fuck you did they want to keep tracks on everybody tell us what you did or you're going to fucking fry in hell right but now you don't

have to fry in hell congratulations go see a few of these and we got all the information we need from you so if you were hanging out with martin lutherabaptist, and you were thinking about taking over the Catholic Church because the fucking Catholic Church wouldn't let you print the Bible out in a phonetic form. No one could read the Bible. You had to rely on priests. And so Martin Luther came along. And so they were fucking lighting people on fire for that, man. And Martin Luther was branded a heretic.

And he had to leave wherever he was. Germany. Germany. Yeah, I know Germany, but I'm trying to think of the town. It's a really good way to fucking find out what people are doing. Hey, man, that's a cynical way of looking, but I like it. No, it's the real way. It's really what it was invented for.

It's a total 100% position of power and control. That's all it is. You mean this guy is— Either way, it worked, and it kept people very loyal to the church and continues to. Yeah, I mean, it keeps people scared, you know. There are priests that are out there that are listening to you and not telling people things. I like that Lenny Bruce, he had a priest outfit. And he would go around Miami and, like, he would take confessions and talk to people.

He just... There was a little period, I don't know where he bought it or had it made. That's hilarious. In one of Lenny Bruce's biographies. So he's just, you know, a Jewish guy. And he's dressed up like a priest in one of people's houses, listening to their confessions. Just the idea

of it. You get absolved. Not only that, you can absolve people and get a free pass through purgatory if they do some bad shit, if you donate money to the church. They're selling free passes. I was in Naples in September.

Italian city dropper. That's a corrupt city. There was a church there, really corrupt. I saw a guy trying to snatch an iPad out of some older Australian couple's backpack. And the wife saw him. Get away from there. And the dude just shrugged like, I guess, I guess I've lost my touch, you know. Like I'm a thief.

That's what I do. But in Naples, there was a church of souls in purgatory. And there was all these like, you know, skulls in front of it. And whenever it was made in the 1300s or whatever, but these like rich Catholics there, they were concerned about the souls stuck in purgatory. So they spent all this money and made this church for them. Well, purgatory was even invented to try to convert pagans because the Irish believed in the land of Fae. They believed in this land where fairies and elves lived,

that it was just over there. You know, probably because of mushrooms. They were probably eating mushrooms. Most likely, if you try to figure out why you would think that elves were in some nearby dimension that you could reach. And so the Catholics had to convince them, oh, no, no, no, that's purgatory.

Yeah, we know about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you go when you're not a good guy. You've got to stay there for a little while. You're only half an asshole. You don't have to go all the way to hell. Well, it also came with that. It's because the family can buy you a pass and you can get out of there. Yeah, the penalty box. You go sit in to go all the way to hell. Well, it also came with Dante. That's the penalty box.

That was the penalty box. You go sit in the penalty box for a few centuries. Dante's Divine Comedy was all about purgatory, right? That great work of the Divine Comedy. It's just amazing what people would invent to control people. Like the stupid

shit that they just invented. Mythology. Well, that kind of stuff. I mean, when you've got I mean, when you know there's a direct path between the Christians trying to incorporate the pagans, the pagans not wanting to, the altering of the timelines. Oh, our celebration is the same as your celebration. Let's figure out how to make this happen. I'm less cynical about that. I'm actually a little bit more of a fan of the idea that I think that those ideas carry forth and have lasted so long because there is truth to them. The idea that we're all the same moral

worth, for example. The idea of concession. He's doing a fucking lecture again. That was the interesting thing about China. That was the interesting thing about China. Their belief system is so different. Their holidays are different.

Their whole mindset and all these things that we just accept in our reality. There's a whole different mental world going on in the Chinese. That's the Tao, right? Confucius, that's the idea of being balanced. Balance is huge. Harmony. Being in harmony with everything around you. Did you ever hear that they did this great study where they had Chinese people look at a fish tank and Americans look at a fish tank? No. When they asked them to describe it,

the Americans described the fish and the Chinese didn't. The fish were just a part of, they described the relationship between the seaweed, the stones, the fish, how much water was in the tank. They were looking at the whole thing and how it all related to each other. The fish were just a part. They were no more important, for example, than the stones. When they asked Americans to describe how many stones or what kind of seaweed, the Americans had no idea because they were just looking at the fish. Wow. So this is the way they came up with the December 25th date for Jesus. The world was created. This is awesome. Stop laughing.

They tried to figure out when from the idea of when he was conceived and to go from there. That's where they started it out from. It came from the point of conception, which was. And didn't the pagan holiday involve a tree? So it just incorporated that tree? Yeah, maybe. I'm trying to find this thing. Shit.

He's looking on the internet again. Sorry, I'm trying to figure this out. Brian, you can't talk about Chinese people and fish without me telling the story. Joe, you ready for this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the information? No, I don't. It's kind of ambiguous.

There's a lot of debate on this. This is not something that anybody really is sure of when this dude was actually born. The church leaders decided that they needed a Christian alternative to rival popular solstice celebrations. They chose December 25th as the date of Christ's birth and held the first recorded Feast of Nativity in Rome. So the idea was they reckoned the world was created on the spring equinox, and four days later, on March 25th, light was created. Since the existence of Jesus signaled the beginning of a new

era, or a new creation, the biblical chronographers assumed that Jesus' conception would have also fallen on March 25th, placing his birth in December, nine months later. Seems logical. I mean, they created the earth, and then four days later, light.

Duh. Duh. Okay, seems like a good date. Is there a problem with that? It's very historic. Keep in mind, that is the internet, so we're not sure if it's 100% true. Yeah, this is all... I want to hear Tom Rhodes' story. Yeah, can I tell a story?

Please. So I was just in Hong Kong a few weeks ago, and I remembered this story of something that happened to me. The very first time I went to Hong Kong was like 12 years ago. And I had never been to Hong Kong and China and I was really excited and wanted to see it. I was staying at the Shangri-La Hotel. The most opulent, fancy, luxurious hotel I've ever been in my life. I mean above, beyond five stars. Just swank.

And so the first day, I just walked and walked and wanted to soak uh as much of hong kong in my eyeballs as i could and just see the city and i'm walking around and when i got back to my hotel room at the end of the day they had put a goldfish in a little goldfish bowl on my desk and it had a note and it said traveling is sacred but no one deserves to be alone that's why we've provided the goldfish that's awesome to be your friend and keep you company thank you during your stay here thank you so two nights later fat boy slim is doing a concert on the kowloon side of the harbor. I love Fatboy Slim. I'd never seen him.

I had, you know, somehow got some ecstasy or whatever. Whatever it was. And it was such a great night. These Chinese people were just so stylish and fashionable. They looked like they had fallen out of fashion magazines. I just had such a great time dancing in the middle. Fat Boy Slim was just electrifying that night. I drank tons and I got really, really drunk.

Life of a comic. That night, when I'm sleeping back in my hotel room, I shit the bed. I'm like half awake, that kind of wet or drunk sleep. And I thought it was a fart. I blow it out and it's like wet ass pee goes all over the bed. And I had never shit a bed before. I had never shit a bed in my life. Welcome to the team.

I was going to say. I was absolutely ashamed that it happened. I felt terrible. So the next day I went and I walked all over the city. When I came back to my hotel room, they had taken my goldfish away. You didn't even bother rolling your shoes up?

Nobody deserves to be alone except for you, you bed-shitting, creepy weirdo. You bed-shitting ex-freak. That's the problem with ecstasy. Sexy until you shit the bed. It was such a lovely thing. They put a little goldfish in my room. That's nice, man.

Beautiful. So nice. Hey, someone makes a really good point on this message board. How the fuck could Christianity assure everyone being equal and yet still condone slavery? That was exactly the debate. Abraham had slaves. So the slaveholders would cite the Old Testament. But you're right.

I mean, that was in fact... But the Old Testament... It's also what Martin Luther King and a lot of abolitionists used as fuel to fight the slave trade. Which was what? That we are all of the same father. Am I not a man? The abolitionists always were citing those kinds of things. But why were they going, if they're going by the Old Testament, the Old Testament's the real deal. The New Testament is the one that's got clear fuckery

attached to it, right? So if you're going to go by the word of God, the oldest shit you can get is the best shit. No, no, no. The fundamental difference was this. The uncut stuff. That Christ said, the good news is all of us can be essentially Jews, or children of the same father. So it's not, the Old Testament was very much for the, you know, taught in the temple, and it was for this small group of people called the Jews. But along comes Christ who says, you know, you can't tell people, have people read the book of Leviticus about how to quarter a calf. It's just, you know, not to eat an osprey.

None of this shit is relevant. What matters is that you do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. Who said this, that Christ guy? That's the idea. Allegedly. That would be the idea. Allegedly.

Allegedly Joe Rogan's going to hell because he hasn't accepted Jesus. It's a fascinating, fascinating thing that in 2013, just this conversation is very dangerous to some people. Isn't that amazing? This is a dangerous topic. People get angry at you for discussing whether or not a zombie existed, whether or not a guy died and three days later came back to life

because he was magic. I'm not making that argument, man. I'm not having any—all I'm talking about is the— Yeah, I know, I know, a historical figure. I'm not even talking about that. I'm just talking about what Christianity's tenets are. That's all I'm saying. Well, just stop and think about how many people are going full bore for the historical, biblical version.

The Gallup poll most recent that they did in like the late 2000s about someone they asked him how old do you believe the earth is do you believe in the biblical version of creationism and like 46% said they thought the earth was less than 10,000 years old as stated in the Bible well that's more proof that if that statistic is right that's scary it's not I'm sure, because first of all, it's a statistic, which means that the only people that answer are idiots. So you're getting idiots that answer these fucking questionnaires. Nobody with a life or a job or time sits around...

You always hit no thanks. Yeah, nobody does that. But out of those people that are dumb enough to answer that forum, 46% think the Earth is 10,000 years old. That's amazing. I've had debates with people who I thought were fairly intelligent, fair-minded people who just insist that what they read in the Bible is literally true. Yeah, there's a lot of people like that, man. I like to meet people in Australia who called Easter Flying Zombie Day.

That's a good name for it. Super Bunny Day, too. Giant fucking evil bunny. I like the idea. That's a good name for it. Super bunny day, too. Giant fucking evil bunny. I like the idea of... Trying to give you candy. If you believe in the symbolism of something, then okay. Yeah, and it's also a unique way for people to turn their life around.

You believe in this one guy's teachings and this one guy's teachings. Really still, the way they're translated and sort of used today in the best aspects of Christianity very beneficial for a lot of people and so having something like that whether it's based on a real person or whether it's based on an idea it's very beneficial to alcoholics you know like you have step programs how many fighters I think the guy was right Jesus was just like a brilliant comedian

and just very misunderstood. That's right. That like plank in the eye line, I mean, that had to have been a joke. I don't think Jesus had one good minute. Turning wine into water. I think his act was dog shit. I think he was just a really preachy guy.

Constantly telling everybody how to live their life. Like, dude, where are the jokes? Where's the jokes, bro? Come on. How many fighters? Strong open, strong in, where are the jokes? Where's the jokes, bro? Come on. How many fighters? Strong open, strong in. How many fighters are religious, would you say, Joe?

A large percentage. A large percentage. Yeah, probably more than the average person. They say that atheism is on the rise in America. And some guy wrote an article about by 2041 or something like that, there being no more religion. I think that's a big fucking leap. Me too.

But the idea is that atheism is on the rise. I don't think – I think with fighters though, you're dealing with a lot of them, of course, almost more so in boxing than in MMA. But even in MMA, a lot of them are coming from poor backgrounds. than in MMA, but even in MMA, a lot of them are coming from poor backgrounds. A lot of them are coming from places where people, you know, the strong religious footholds. Right.

You know, Iowa and shit like that, like wrestlers, a lot of Christians, you know. I saw that Tyson documentary last week, and I love at the beginning when Customata takes him under his wing and he's teaching him. Yeah. And he told him that he had to convince him because he had low self-esteem coming from the street and everything. But one of the main factors was he was telling him if you don't have the warrior spirit, you're never going to be a winner. You have to believe in yourself as the mythical warrior champion.

In a way, that's maybe where a lot of boxers find solace in the idea that there's something bigger than them that they're fighting for. I've heard many fighters say they're doing the Lord's work. It's fascinating. I'm doing God's work. Not just one guy. Many guys saying I'm doing God's work.

Is GSP religious? No, I don't believe he is. I mean, he might be a little bit, but I don't think for the most part he is. I hope he retires personally. You know what? I've said that, and people give me a hard time about that. I mean, only GSP knows what he should or shouldn't do.

I think the guy is just an amazing representative of martial arts. He's such a true martial artist and such a great champion for a long time. I mean, he was at the top of the sport in an incredibly talent-stacked division, and he dominated that division for a long time. I mean, he was at the top of the sport in an incredibly talented stacked division, and he dominated that division for a long time. But I think every fighter has got a lifetime inside the octagon. There's an amount of time that you can spend in there. George has fought more minutes inside the octagon than ever. Five and a half hours.

Than any fighter ever. That's a long time. And he's taken 50% of all the blows he's ever taken in his entire career in the last three fights. Wow. 875 shots, I believe, to his head. Well, one of the things he was talking about

in the lead up to this fight was how difficult he is to hit. And Johnny Hendricks hits really hard, but he's difficult to hit. Which was fairly true once he got loose on the feet um like I'd say in certain rounds like in the third round it was hard for Johnny to hit him in the fifth round was hard for Johnny to hit him George got loose but Johnny still like when they got close was able to land some horrible shots on him while George is going for the takedown Johnny hit him with three or four absolutely brutal elbows to the head.

And then a couple really hard uppercuts as George is trying to hold on to his leg and take him down. And Johnny blasted him with at least two flush uppercuts on the chin. And the kid hits hard. Anybody who thought that George won that first round, I'm like, I don't know what you

judge a fight on. You know, look, Johnny blasted his leg over and over again with knees from the clinch. Really hard knees. And people try to pretend that those don't count or something. I don't know why you're not scoring that. Like those are debilitating. That's a smart move. It's damage. It's real. It's happening right in front of your face. But because it's such an easy thing to do, just knee someone in the leg, people don't think it's a big deal. It's happening right in front of your face, but because it's such an easy thing to do just knee someone in the leg People don't think it's a big deal. It's almost as good as a leg kick It's almost as good as a leg kick depending on how good it looks so painful Yeah, and the way Hendrix throws him it might be as good as a leg kick He fucking really leans into those knees

So he's hit him he hit him with horrible fucking elbows when he was trying to take him down He hit him with a horrible uppercut when he was holding on to a single at least one or two Horrible uppercuts and then blasted his knee and you know and take him down. He hit him with a horrible uppercut when he was holding on to a single. At least one or two horrible uppercuts. And then blasted his knee. And, you know, and took him down once. I mean, it's just like, I don't know what people are looking at. I mean, I don't know. I know people love George St. Pierre.

Look at his face, too. Look at his face at the end of that fight. Well, George gets busted up in a lot of fights and still dominates them. You know, he has that kind of skin. Some people just don't. Like, BJ Penn never gets cut. He's just got this incredible tough skin. He's got a lot of scar tissue, so it bleeds.

Yes, but I think that there's going to come a time when George is going to have to retire. So when is that time going to be? When a guy, to me, starts talking about retiring and thinking about getting out, that's when he should get out. I agree. And when a guy does a post-fight thing and says, look, I've got to stop, it could just be the pressure of forget about all the shots that he's taken, all the brutal five-round fights that he's been in,

just the pressure of being at the top. Like after a while, you don't want to fucking deal with that shit anymore. He's made a ton of money, and even if he's not going to retire, the idea of stepping back and chilling out for a bit, like he said in the post-fight press conference, it's probably a good idea. My feeling also is that, you know that if he's blurry in one eye, if he's having trouble remembering, I don't want to see a human being that beautiful have a problem with his brain and a problem

with his eyes. And what is your brain and your eye worth? It's not worth $12 million. It's worth a lot more than that. And I want to see a guy like Geor St. Pierre walk away while he still can, not carry down on a shield. Well, fighting is a young man's sport, and there's a certain amount of years. Dana White says GSP versus Hendricks rematch is on track.

You know, and also it turns out that George is getting sued by his ex-manager. He's got a lot of shit going on, which can really fuck with your head. You know, there's some million-dollar lawsuit hovering over his head I think George is a great guy and I think he's an amazing example of what's possible with hard work and discipline and he's a real champion a true champion I like to see a true champion go out on top and there's just not many who have ever done it he's got only one that I can remember is Marvin Hagler Marvin Hagler is the only fighter that never came back,

went out in a fight that most people believe he won. He fought Sugar Ray Leonard, and a lot of people believe that he won that decision. It was a close enough fight that it wasn't the worst robbery in history, but a lot of people believe that Hagler should have won. And Hagler stepped out, and that was it. It was done. That was such a great period in boxing, man.

There were so many great fights. I always think I always think that, like, Pacquiao and Mayweather not. I think they deprived us of, like, two great fights and rematches. I mean, there were so many. Hagler, Thomas Hitman, Hearns. Yeah. What was the Cuban guy? Well, Mayweather's so smart, man. And Sugar Roberto Duran.

Roberto Duran. God, there were so many epic fights then. Duran versus Pacquiao would have been an amazing fight. Insane. That would have been insane. They had similar style touching their belt.

They looked the same. They had their fucking beard. They had similar beards. Man, that would have been a war. Duran had more of a beard, but Pacquiao with that goatee looks very devil-like. You see Duran,

like those old pictures of him, his eyes. If you look at a game-bred pit bull, you know those dogs that have been through that? He had old pictures of him, his eyes. If you look at a game-bred pit bull, you know those dogs have been through that. He had that same, literally the same eyes. Like, just ferocity. He was a bad motherfucker, dude. Everybody I talk to who's a real boxer, they always say my favorite.

Boom Boom Mancini, his favorite fighter, Roberto Duran. So many boxers who are real great boxers. We'll talk about Duran, like, you know. There's a lot of people that people forget, like Aaron Pryor. Remember when Aaron Pryor did cocaine in the corner before the 13th round? No, I don't remember that. Panama Lewis, the guy was eventually

he got kicked out of boxing for another fight where I think it was Billy Resto and I forget the guy's name but he took the padding out of someone's gloves and so there's this young

up and coming kid who fought this experienced veteran who's expected to beat and instead he got busted up really bad, like his both eyes swollen lost vision in his eye, had to retire from boxing after the fight they grabbed the guy's hands and they could feel there was no padding on his knuckles.

Oh, my God. It was just taped-up knuckles. That's all he had. And he just fucked this guy up. And for people who don't know, a boxing glove is fairly thick. Yeah. It's still dangerous. You could certainly get knocked out,

but there's a lot of padding, like when a knuckle hits you, like especially when it goes over your eye, whereas a raw knuckle goes right into your eye. And he's just getting smashed, man. He got smashed. And after the fight, it turned out that Panama Lewis had done this, and Panama Lewis was the same guy that gave this bottle that Aaron Pryor was like a serious cocaine addict.

And Aaron Pryor, like I said, you know, it was like leading into one of the later rounds, and Panama said no not that battle the one I'm one I made and he brings a ball he gives it to Aaron Pryor and Aaron Pryor just goes out there like a fucking man possessed and destroys Alexis Targrayo and knocks him out in the next round those fights were sick and the word on the street was always that not not that I was on the street when I got the word but the word in the boxing gym where I trained at was that everybody always knew that it was cocaine. Panama Lewis literally gave him cocaine. God.

And he went out there, coked up. If you haven't seen Aaron Pryor and Alexis Arguello fight, YouTube that shit. I love that so many fights are on YouTube. I don't know if we talked about this before. I read this brilliant book last year about it was A Flame of Pure Fire. It was about Jack Dempsey in the roaring 20s and he was such an interesting character but it's great as I was reading this book you can go back and look up the fights on YouTube yeah

so I'm reading about this you know these fights in like the 19 teens and you know even before him the Jack Johnson fighting in Havana where this French guy Colty a or whatever his name was it was knocks him out and you can Jack Johnson fighting in Havana where this French guy, Coltier or whatever his name was, it was, knocks him out. And you can, Jack Johnson's on the floor and he lifts his glove up because he wanted to block the sun from his eyes. Right. While the guy's like counting amounts.

Well, the idea was that he took a dive. Right. But who knows? Like Dempsey and Firpo, this Argentinian guy, the first round, you watch it on YouTube, and Firpo, this Argentinian guy, the first round, you watch it on YouTube, there's like Firpo gets knocked down five times in the first round, or maybe it's like seven. Dempsey's clobbering him, and then he comes back. And then they hover over him. He's not allowed to get up.

Firpo knocked. That was so many rules were made after this fight. Firpo knocks Dempsey out of the ring. He landed on the sportswriters table, and the sportswriters helped him get back up. You know, he was so beloved and get back in the ring, he landed on the sports writers table and the sports writers helped him get back up. You know, he was so beloved and get back in the ring. So from that fight, a fighter could never, he has to get back in the ring on his own ability. He can't be helped.

And then also in that fight, he's knocking Furpo down and he's standing over him. And as he's trying to get up, he's just plowing him every time he's trying. And it was also that fight. They made the rule when a guy gets knocked down, have to you know back away and go to a neutral corner because back then you could just stand over a guy and as he's trying to get up you can just keep on yeah that's most of the old fights if you watch most of those old fights they would stand over you which by the way makes more sense it really doesn't make more sense I mean if a guy fucking knocks you

down why why you let him get up again? Why can't you stand over him? You're the one who knocked him down. Pull up Dempsey Furpo. The first minute and a half is just insane. Jack Dempsey was a murderous puncher too, man. God damn. Those guys were tough as shit. He was born in Colorado

and he lived in mining camps in Utah. And he would go to bars and mining camps and say, who's the toughest guy here? And that's how he, as a teenager, he's just walking into a mining camp and people would all bet on it and he'd make a little money.

But he was just pure badass. Wow. That's a hard way to make a living, man. Sure is, man. That's a hard way. Going into the mining camp, Who's the toughest guy here? The mining camp. Jimmy Burke's dad, Uncle Artie Burke, used to do that.

He worked on the railroad tracks when they would lay the railroad. And those camps, he was 16, but he grew up with a father who was a pro boxer who fought for the title. So he would fight grown men. And that's how he learned how to fight. Boxing back then was a very popular sport. It's the way it was. In Mexico, if you're a great boxer, you're a national hero. I mean, they show up for those fights.

Well, that's what it used to be like in America. But in America, nobody even knows who the heavyweight title holder is. I know. Have you seen who the best American heavyweight is? Well, I mean, no one knows who the Klitschko's are. They don't know. The average person doesn't know. They don't know. The average person doesn't know.

Fight fans might know. It's amazing. The average person has no idea who the heavyweight champion Why do you think that is? It's so corrupt? Well, no, because he's boring as fuck. If he was exciting,

like if he was, you know, like a Manny Pacquiao, everybody knows who Manny Pacquiao is. Manny Pacquiao weighs 145 pounds. Everybody knows who he is. Why doesn't everybody know who the heavyweight title holder is?

Because he jabs and hangs on. Jabs and hangs on. He's a jab and hold guy. The lighter fights are more exciting. Well, he's boring. Mike Tyson was a heavy fighter. His fights were super exciting. It's just a matter of the style of the fighter. And Klitschko's have this very intelligent, safe style. And it's

very hard to beat them. They just jab the shit out of you. And they're tall as fuck. They use their reach advantage. You never get close. They don't get stupid and start winging punches with you. Right. In the way Pacquiao, I mean in the way Mayweather, what I noticed is that he stands on the outside and he takes one shot.

It's really like one left, one shot. It's not like flurries and combinations because that's always dangerous. If you watch him step back, he's not standing in a phone booth. He's moving, moving, stepping back. Bang. Come in. Bang. And he might hit you with two sometimes.

Yeah. Like, he'll lead with, like, that upper hook or whatever. Upper punch? I mean, what's it called? What do you call it? Uppercut. Uppercut. Sorry.

He'll uppercut and then maybe come over to the right, but that's it. And then he pulls back. But for the most part, he stands back and takes pot shots. He's really good at it. Did you see that Mayweather fight? It was some Mexican guy. Canelo Alvarez? And the Mexican guy's dad gets up at the pre-fight press conference.

Oh, no, no, no. You're thinking of a different guy. And he's calling him. Oh, Garcia. He keeps calling Mayweather like a wife-nater. No, no, no. It's not Mayweather. He was talking about Zap Judah.

He's a frontrunner. He's a frontrunner and all that. He. Zab Judah. He was talking about Zab Judah. He's a different fighter. He's a frontrunner. He's a frontrunner and all that. He's a different guy. You're talking about Garcia. Danny Garcia, whose dad is like his really colorful character. Was that with Mayweather

he was saying that to you? No. Zab Judah, who's like Mayweather, like a similar... He's black. That's how he's like him. Never let your dad

run his mouth. He's a very talented fighter. He actually fought Mayweather. They fought together. He fought Mayweather. Yeah, Zab Judah's really good. Mayweather's just smarter than all of them. That's what he is. He's the smartest one of all of them. He knows how to not get hit. He knows

how to just pot shot you, hit you with jabs, use his reflex, use his smart boxing, and he doesn't get hit. You get hit, and he doesn't get hit. That's amazing. He's won the game. A lot of boxers come from boxing fighter families. Their fathers and uncles have learned

there's no upside to eating out of a straw when you're 35 because your head you've got pugilistic dementia. Let's start with not getting hit first. He's got his trainer. His trainer, Roger, is his fucking cousin. That's his uncle. His uncle. And his trainer, Roger. He was a good fighter. Black Mamba. Roger Mayweather was a good fighter black mamba yeah roger mayweather

was a bad motherfucker but he's got problems from fighting they all do look at freddie roach he's like one of the greatest trainers ever who used to be a really tough fighter he's got problems too he's got parkinson's trauma related parkinson's everybody pays man there's no free rides and my thoughts on a guy like ge St. Pierre are it would be beautiful to see a guy like him go out on top. I agree. But if he feels like he didn't put forth his best effort and he wants to go one more against Johnny Hendricks

and show what he can really do, but somewhere down the line we're going to have to have this conversation. Whether it's this fight, whether it's the next fight, whether it's two, three fights from now, there's going to be a certain point in time where George who has more minutes inside the octagon than any fighter ever, that's one statistic that you look at. Yeah, five and a half hours.

And then you also look at the one that he's taken 50% of the shots in the last three fights. Those are two disturbing statistics. Not disturbing, but here's the best way to describe it. There are two things you should look at. You should look at those two things. Sure. And that's the reality of this sport we live in and the best

that we watch. But the best way to make sure that this doesn't happen is to discuss it. That's the only way. If we keep this shit in the dark and no one talks about it and no one ever brings up the fact that, hey, you know, you're not going to be able to take shots like that forever. There has to be a point in time. You can safely do it for

a certain amount of time as long as you're careful, as long as you have good defense, as long as you're smart with your training. But there's going to come a point in time when you probably shouldn't do it anymore. I was kind of shocked that they counted the number of times he's taken a blow. It's 875 times in the past, in the five and a half hours he's been in the octagon.

That does not count the number of times he's gotten hit in the head in training camp. Yeah, yeah. In training camp, you know, I've talked to enough fighters where you walk away with a headache, man. Of course you do. Of course you do. You're not, you're getting hit in the face.

Look at his face right now. Wow. Yeah. Dude, trust me. There's something going on. You got to be careful. You know, when he was talking after the fight about losing memory, he lost memory during the fight.

It's not cool. Yeah. I don't like seeing that. And he'd also told me on this podcast that he, I mean, he wonders what it is that he like misses time sometimes. And he actually was wondering, like,

you know, not saying that it was aliens, but it could be possible that, you know, when people talk about missing time from abductions, that that happens to him. You know, that this is something that he's had from the time he was young.

I'm like, man, I don't know. I mean, maybe it's possible. It's possible that it's had from the time he was young. I'm like, man, I don't know. I mean, maybe it's possible. It's possible that it's aliens. But it's also there's other things to think about when you start talking about missing time. When you start talking about there's a real issue with cognitive function if you're talking about periods of your life that disappear.

I don't think anything's worth that. I don't think. I mean,. I don't think, yes. I mean, I don't know what it is. It might be nothing. It might be a nutrition thing. It might, I'm not,

obviously not a neurologist. I'm not a doctor. I don't know what the fuck he's actually experiencing. I don't know if maybe it's just a deja vu thing. I don't know what the fuck it is, but when someone starts talking about things like that and also talking about possibly retiring, all those things should be taken into consideration

and it should be approached very carefully. We also know that continued head trauma from football and boxing and things does cause problems. There's no way around it. There's no way. It seems like everybody who does it for a certain amount of time, there's a certain number of times you can get hit, where you start feeling that you have damage.

Chuck Liddell is the perfect example. Chuck liddell used to have a fucking iron jaw it was one of the things that was so scary about him is that he could knock you out and it was really hard to get him out of there he has so much fucking heart and so much such a an intense high drive to finish the fight. And he took tremendous shots. Like right on the butt and got rocked and blasted you right back and knocked you out. Happened all the time. He would just scare the fuck out of guys because he would just charge you. And he was just throwing bombs your way and taking everything you throw at him and spitting it out. And he hit hard, huh?

Like what he did to Tito. Yeah, watch this thing when he stops Tito. He just fucking attacks him. I mean, he was a berserker. Wow. Dude, he was a berserker. Look at this. Look at this.

This is a ferocious attack. Put Chuck Liddell versus Babalu. Put that one on. You want to see another one like that. Chuck Liddell was one of the scariest champions ever. He was one of the scariest guys ever. Because he beat guys even that were more skilled than him.

He beat guys that he probably shouldn't have beaten. He beat everybody along the way, learning how to become the champion. He was just smashing people. He could just uncork that right hand on you. But he's way, learning, you know, how to become the champion. He was just smashing people. He could just uncork that right hand on you. But he's paid a price, hasn't he?

Of course. It got towards the later end of his career where he just couldn't take shots anymore. He just couldn't take them anymore. And essentially what he described it as, his brain knows what's coming. He's almost like he's too tough for his own good. And his brain knows the kind of punishment that he's going to get because it's happened so many times before. Because he would just bite down on his mouthpiece and just fucking deal with it and get to you and blast you out.

And his brain just wouldn't let him do it anymore. So he'd get hit and his brain would go like, Chuck, please. Wow. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Because the same thing with Vandelay Silva. He goes right out now when he gets hit.

Not as bad. I think Vandalay's chin is probably a little more durable than Chuck was Chuck's was at the end you know Chuck at the end he just it just he was really in good shape he still had hard you know he still hit hard still had the desire just couldn't take the shots anymore there's also the idea that as these guys are learning and they're working with boxers as they learn how to punch the way Johnny Hendricks does, I don't care how strong your jaw is. You're not taking a shot from Johnny Hendricks. He puts people to sleep because he hits so hard.

And if he connects, see you later. If he connects flush, yeah. The key is how hard is he actually hitting you? Is he ever hitting you dead on the money? If you watch this past weekend, Tyron Woodley knocked out Josh Koscheck. He hit him with a right hand that was as hard a punch as a human can throw. Like, as hard a punch...

What a body, by the way. Built like a superhero. Yeah, it doesn't even look real. I mean, come on. We've talked about it on three podcasts in a row. It's clear we're in love with him. Let's keep talking about it. I never get tired of that. He hits so fucking hard that, like, if he hits you flush, man, very few people are going to be able to absorb that. But every now and then you say that,

there's some Mark Hunt type dude that could just take it. He's Samoan. Let's just start there. That's a whole different thing. Those are some tough motherfuckers. I got friends who played pro football and they said Samoan somehow is just a whole different thing. They have like thicker bones. Oh my God. They're like bigger people. Plus they

come from a whole long line of warriors. Yeah. Polynesian people. Yeah. You know, Samoans. They come like bigger people. Plus, they come from a whole long line of warriors. Yeah. Polynesian people. Yeah. You know, Samoans. They come from New Zealanders. They come from a long line. Tongans.

It's a bad motherfucker. Apparently. Boweries, Tongans, and Samoans. Yeah, apparently Samoans are not to be fucked with. Years ago, I lived in San Francisco, and there were these guys that, these Samoan guys that worked at this garage where I got my car fixed. But there was this one guy who I thought was this really gentle, wonderful guy. He was the one that I, you know, kind of considered like my friend, you know.

And I took my car there one day and he wasn't there. And I'm like, you know, where is, you know, whatever his name was. And his friend goes, oh, yeah, he's in jail. He got into, he was playing pool and somebody pissed him off in bar, and he beat a guy to death with the ball. A Samoan with a pool ball. He just grabbed a ball off the billiards table and beat a guy to death with it. And he seemed like the nicest, gentlest guy. Oh, my God.

A lot of guys aren't until you get them pissed off, and they got a pool ball in there. Can you imagine? Is this the Babalu thing? Look at that. Look at the reach. Until you get them pissed off. And they got a pool ball in there. Can you imagine that's how you're going out? Is this the Babalu thing? Look at that. Look at the reach. Look at the way he used to just, oh, my God.

Yeah, he was a murderer, dude. He was a murderer. Oh, my God. Chuck at his best was one of the scariest guys ever. Big John McArthur. Look at that. Look at that reach. No, that was Larry Landless.

Ouch. Yeah, Chuck was fucking brutal. He's got a wide head, man. Chuck was brutal brutal. He's got a wide head, man. Chuck was brutal. Wow. Yeah, but every guy gets to a time. Look, if you could repair the human body, if you could get Chuck Liddell back to the ability to absorb punishment

that he had when he was 20, he would be dominating again today. He'd be smashing people. He would be smashing people. Really? Yeah. I mean, there was guys who could beat him. Well, I'm saying it's boxing. Rampage beat him in pride. He went into that fight injured. But when Rampage beat him in the UFC, he was probably, Chuck was probably already starting to show signs of wear. Rampage knocked him out. And then Rashad Evans knocked him out bad with one punch. Then Rich Franklin

knocked him out. So there was a lot going on with Chuck. Keith Jardine dropped him. There was a lot going on. He had clearly gotten to a point where he was taking too many shots. But if you can get him back to when he was in his early 20s when he was first fighting in the UFC, he would be a top contender or the champion. He was just that guy. Guys, their boxing now is much better than it was then, isn't it?

He didn't care. First of all, his boxing wasn't that bad. He had good counters. It's just his attack was so ruthless. I mean, Chuck Liddell was trained by John Hackleman, who's a very knowledgeable trainer. And Chuck's capable of being as technical as anybody. But he hits you, and he knows you're hurt.

And the swarm is coming, bitch. It's locusts over the hills. It's lightning and thunder. It's a fucking earthquake you can't stand up for and knuckles are flying towards your fucking face whether you like it or not there's not a lot of technique involved i mean there's technique but there's not a lot of strategies i should what i should say he's just uncorking power shot after power shot and if you you know if you connect to his chin somewhere along the way, yeah, good luck stopping him. Good luck. He could take a fucking tremendous shot, man.

God, look at him knocking out Randleman. Is that Randleman? Yeah, that was Randleman. That's an Olympian. That's Mike Tyson's better looking brother. He knocked Randleman out with a leaping left hook. Jesus. Yeah, he was a fucking monster, man. He was a murderer. He spent a lot of time knocking dudes out. When he was at the peak, when he was the best, he was a fucking ferocious fighter.

He's one of the main reasons why the UFC became so successful. Because watching him fight was like watching a fucking war. You would watch. It was like you two are going to stand in the middle of the cage. He's going to impose his will on you and just put knuckles to your face, shins to your forehead. Is that Vanderlei right there? Yeah, that's him and Vanderlei.

This was already after Chuck had probably, you know, he was probably in the twilight of his career when him and Vanderlei went at it. He just didn't quite have as much pep to his step as he did. Look at him, though. But it was still a fucking amazing fight. What a fight. I got that fight up in my wall. Look at Vanderlei.

That's on the wall, this fight, a big picture of it. It was like when they made that gym in my garage. Look at them taking those shots, man. They took photos from classic fights. To me, this was like one of the all-time classics. Who won this fight? Chuck won a decision. It was a great fight, though.

But to me, it was like such a classic because this was the fight that we always wanted to see. When Vandele was in pride and Chuck was running the UFC, everybody wanted to see Chuck versus Vandele. He was so much faster than you think, too. Well, he could knock you out by moving backward. Like, look at the Randy Couture knockouts. He knocked out Randy while he was moving backward. Like, if you slide that video back a little bit, the one when he knocked out Randy, he knocked, yeah, it was right after this.

He knocked out Randy like Randy was charging at him, and he would slide back and uncork these punches. There wasn't a lot of windup in the shot that he knocked Randy out with. He was just loose. He was loose. Well, he just was a wild man. Like, here it goes. Watch.

This is the one. This is when he fought. Look at this, how he knocks out Randy. Backs up. Boom. Boom. As he's backing up, Randy's charging. And as he's backing up, he clips him with, like, you know, a 100 millisecond right hand

that takes your fucking face off. It was awesome. The ferocity, man. He's one of the reasons why the UFC became so successful. Yeah. Because watching his fights, you were guaranteed you were going to see fury. You were going to see primal fury. You were going to see one of the wildest men alive.

I like that you described him one time the greatest way you went. You said, he's a wolf. And somebody said, what do you mean? He said, he's the kind of guy who'll jump in a fire and say, let's see who burns first, bitch. That's the greatest way to describe that. Yeah, he would take you into deep water. Let's see who's going to burn first. And for the longest time, he was successful doing that because he could take a tremendous shot.

But ultimately, his wild, reckless nature led to him taking quite a few shots. And, you know, look, the UFC took care of him. You know, he wanted one last fight. He got it with Franklin, and then he decided that's it. And now he has a job. He's like an ambassador for the sport, goes all over the country, tours bases, tours gyms. He's great.

You know, he's got, like, a great gig in the UFC now. They take care of him. And I love the fact that they told him, like, this is, you know, enough is enough. He got to a point where, you know, Chuck and Dana had a longstanding relationship, and before Chuck was in the UFC, or before Dana ran the UFC, Chuck was being managed by Dana, as was Tito. Dana used to manage them. And, you know, when he started running the UFC.

I didn't know that. Yeah. I did a podcast with Brendan Schaub, the fighter and the kid, with Dana in his office, and he talked about how he had already boxed Tito, and it didn't go well for Tito. I did a podcast with Brendan Schaub, the fighter and the kid, with Dana in his office, and he talked about how he had already boxed Tito, and it didn't go well for Tito. Well, Tito wasn't a boxer. He was a wrestler. I mean, he would take guys down. And he said that in an MMA fight, Tito would pull his head out with his spine and everything. But he challenged him to a boxing match, and it was funny.

Dana still gets crazy. The fact that I said to him, what keeps your edge? What drives you? He goes, I want this to be the biggest sport in the world. I said, you're the most bristly dude. He answers his tweets

and fights with people on Twitter and somebody was like, why do you do that? He goes, because it's fucking fun. That's why. On the Fighter and the Kickers, on Fox, they bleep out fuck. They bleep that every... He's literally like every other word is fuck, but he's got

such an edge, that guy. They bleep it out. It's so annoying. You need to stop doing podcasts on somebody else's wing. I don't realize that. You don't need someone's wing. You don't need a wing. You don't need anybody that ever beeps you.

Stop your stupid nonsense. It's so dumb. It kills me. That's so dumb. And you know what, by the way? Not on my podcast, not on the Brian Callen Show. It's so dumb. It kills me. That's so dumb. And you know what? Not on my podcast. Not on the Brian Kellan Show. It's going to make people avoid it.

That goes against the reason of having a podcast. Yeah, it annoys people, man. It annoys people. I get a lot of mail about it. I'm sorry. I always have to apologize for it. Yeah, it's gross, man. The idea that someone can fucking tell you what you can or can't say.

Yeah. It's against podcasting. Exactly. Exactly. The whole point of this can or can't say, stop it. Yeah. It's against podcasting, in my opinion. Exactly. Exactly. The whole point of this is we can do what we want how. Yeah. Why'd you let a corporation do that? I didn't know they were going to do it.

Listen, bail on that stupid gig. Do you have a contract? Yeah, one year. You son of a bitch. Yeah. After it's over, tell them the only way you're doing it again is if, listen, it's a podcast, Fox. Let's do this right.

Do you have a network? Maybe I'll come over to your network. I'll make a network. All right. I'll make one. There we go. I'll put the Brian Callen Show on your network. Yeah. Let's do this right. Do you have a network? Maybe I'll come over to your network. I'll make a network. All right. I'll make one. There we go. I'll put the Brian Callen Show on your network. Yeah.

You can use my office. I'm moving out of here. Use the studio. I'm going to be your neighbor soon. You know that's happening, right? Use the studio. Listen, man. You've got to be on your own.

This doesn't make any sense. But everybody thinks they have to do it with somebody else. Everybody thinks like, oh, if I was on the Fox, more people, more eyes. The way you get eyes on you is the goddamn internet, man. It's people that enjoy it and they tell people they enjoy it. And do a good job. That's it. That's all you gotta do. Make something that people like.

Boom. It's that easy. You don't need Fox or HBO or Showtime. Why would you need them if you're gonna do a podcast? If you wanna do a show, yeah, you need Fox. If you wanna do a drama or a sitcom or a talk show. Look at one hour specials now. Nowadays you can to do a show, yeah, you need Fox. If you want to do a drama or a sitcom or a talk show or a sports show. But look at one-hour specials now. Nowadays, you can start doing almost your own thing.

I mean, look, yeah, you definitely can. You can release them on the internet. A lot of people have done it. But the bottom line is, anybody that's telling you to not swear, what kind of game are we playing? What kind of silly game are we playing? Bad words. I lost my mind, by the way. It's not TV.

You don't have to work. It's not the FCC. The FCC's not involved. So if the FCC's not involved, what are you doing? Why in the world are we playing this game? I'm loving my podcast.

I do it real small. I don't have any commercials. I don't want anybody telling me what to do. And I'm talking to people around the world. This guy, Des Bishop. You ever heard of him?

I have. But listen, man. You don't need to have... Just because you have commercials doesn't mean anybody's going to tell you what to do. Right. Nobody can tell you what to do. I have a lot of commercials.

Nobody gets to tell me what to do. You don't allow it. It's real simple. The idea that someone would allow it or that you need to allow it. Censor your language. But it's not necessary. And there's this thing in your head where, you know, I don't have anybody telling me what to do, so I don't have commercials.

You can have commercials too. Right. You just don't let them tell you what to do. It's like, I don't have anybody telling me what to do, so I don't have commercials. You can have commercials, too. Right. You just don't let them tell you what to do. It's like, they don't have to be mutually exclusive. We're brainwashed. I stand corrected. But it's a silly thing. It's a silly thing. Like, you think that corporations wouldn't want to have anything to do with you because you're swearing. Everybody fucking swears! Right.

If you don't swear, I don't want to talk to you. Including the corporate... Every time I do a corporate gig, they're like, don't use the F word. They fucking love it. I'm just going to talk to you. Including the corporate. Every time I do a corporate gig, they're like, don't use the F word. They fucking love it. I'm just going to talk to you like a normal human being. Guess what? They say fuck to, oh my God, and shit and things like that. Well, now it's even more because it's suppressed. These people are all buttoned down.

They're not allowed to talk about this shit. And all of a sudden, you're talking about sucking your own dick. You're talking about. Do you know where I'm going to be swearing, by the way? November 29th and 30th. And wise guys in Utah, Salt Lake City. I'll just tell you right now. I love it there. Have you done that?

No, I hear great things, though. And I hear Salt Lake City is one of the best places to perform. So do I. Because people are so fired up for anybody to come into town and just start talking some shit. That's what I'll be doing. Because there's so much buttoned down thinking there. There's so much really strong... Which, by the way, Mormons are... If you're going to give me a cult that's going to be my neighbor, I'll take Mormon all day.

Yeah. They're great. They're some of the nicest fucking people. They're sweethearts. They help you and everything. Yeah. They have a great sense of community. Yep.

I mean, they believe some wacky shit, but they're nice. Absolutely. They're nice. That wacky shit, whatever it is with them, it seems to work a little bit. They do a lot of help for non-Mormons whenever there's disaster. So I'll be in Salt Lake City. That's hilarious.

November 29th or 30th. November 30th. I'm at the State Theater in Austin, Texas. State Theater, November 30th, Austin, Texas. I was going to tell you, this guy, Des Bishop, really interesting guy. He's American. I'm about to plug you.

Oh, I'm sorry. Please, please plug away. I'm saying Tom Rhodes is a fucking hilarious comedian. Austin, Texas. The people in Austin especially. I know what kind of comedy you freaks like'm saying Tom Rhodes is a fucking hilarious comedian. Austin, Texas, the people in Austin especially, I know what kind of comedy you freaks like, and Tom Rhodes is your man. You're an old school road dog, dude.

You and I have been friends for fucking God knows how long. We met each other when we were on NBC together. We had the Tom Rhodes Show back when he was in his long hair days. That's right. Yeah, we hung out together. What are those functions? I think it was in New York City. They had this big announcement of the season at the Lincoln Center,

and all the people, like stars from the show, from each show would come across the stage. Let me get in here. And they had an after party, a big swanky affair. And thank God you were there because it was all like actor people and stuff. Thank God you were there. You and I were magnet and steel. We were like, we're hanging out. You got to go to these things, and you drink, and you hobnob.

They were nice people for the most part, but they're all actors. And then I was like, Tom Rhodes. Yeah. He's like, Joe Rogan, fellow comedian, give me a hug. 18 years ago, 17 years ago, Tom Rhodes was, I've always thought of you because I told you this already, but I'd worked really hard on my standup. I was a new comic. I got up and I did an okay job in front of some people with some stuff.

And you looked at me and you were such an established comic and you literally looked at me and you, you went, you went, you're a scream, bro. You're a scream. And that was a seminal moment for me.

Cause I went, if I, if Tom Rhodes said that, and I know you meant it, I was like, I'm doing something right. I'm in the right direction. That's pretty cool for, you know, and you, you didn't have to say that. You just went out of your way. You don't remember it. I was like, I'm doing something right. I'm in the right direction. That's pretty cool.

You didn't have to say that. You just went out of your way. You don't remember it because you obviously... I'm a fan of good comedy, man. I'm not afraid to tell a young guy that I think he's got a good future. You are. You've always been like that and I love that. I love guys like that. You and Stan Hope's like that. I'm like that.

The warrior spirit, man. Every warrior needs to eventually move on to wise men. And, you know, you got to, when you see a young warrior and you know the guys, you know, he's approaching stand-up from like a pure place and, you know, I think it's good to encourage people. I think it is as well. But I love it just because I look at it as. The older guys did it to me, you know. Yeah, they did to me as well.

I don't look at it in terms of like an old warrior or a young warrior. I look at it in terms of I love stand-up. And when someone's doing good stand-up, I enjoy it. I like it as a person in the audience. Right. I enjoy it. I'll never stop. I've met people that did.

I've met a lot of people that really loved stand-up and became a stand-up and then didn't love it anymore. Right. It's terrible when you see the light go out of somebody's eyes. I love it more and more. I did a gig. I went to the Friars Club in L.A., and I get in there. I'm with my friends.

I'll tell you why. Because somebody asked me to do it. I get there, and it's literally like scattering of people in suits, and I can hear them eating. And I look at my buddies, and I go like this. I say, dude, I'm just telling you I'm going to do 40 minutes just on birds. I'm doing 40 minutes on bird humor only. I get up there. My friends are

howling crickets. Everybody else is like, what's this guy doing? My friends are dying. So you decided to tank it on purpose. Well, I mean, I was just being esoteric and fun and crazy. I get summoned over to a table and a guy says to me, an older man says, you got a lot of guts and a lot of

imagination, kid. You're going to go a long way. And it was Red Buttons. Wow. It was pretty cool. It was nice. It would have been better if somebody else told that story instead of you telling it about yourself. Well, I wasn't good.

I wanted to tell you about this guy, Des Bishop, man. He's a really interesting dude. He's originally from New York. His parents, he's got deep family ties in Ireland. So he went to school there. That's where he started being a comedian. He's gone on to have a brilliant family ties in Ireland. So he went to school there. That's where he started being a comedian. He's gone on to have a brilliant television career in Ireland. He's living in Beijing now for the past year because he wants to learn Mandarin Chinese and do stand-up comedy in Chinese.

So, like, I did shows in Beijing with him at this really cool place called The Bookworm. It's a bookstore with, like, a full- bar in the center and it was it was really great see a place that held like a hundred you know the weekends were sold out it was really cool multi-ethnic multinational people but his story is amazing i arrived there the first night and i went to this chinese uh language local open mic night that he he puts on in hosts. And here's this guy that I know, and he's doing comedy in Mandarin Chinese. To a room full of Chinese people.

How many Chinese comedians are there? It's brand new there. Brand new? Brand new there. Is it legal? There's a guy named Joe Wong who apparently he was a comic in Boston, and he did Letterman, and now he's moved back there. Whoa. And he's their, like, you know, whatever, spiritual leader of comedy.

You could steal the shit out of people's ass. Could you ever? Could you ever? Oh, Chris Rock stuff. That's hilarious. There was a guy who did that in Holland, who did it with Bill Hicks material. He did it in Dutch. Wow. Wow.

Yeah, and he was becoming really popular, but then it got out, what he had done. Wow. Yeah, it was essentially like doing all Bill Hicks' act. It's like this young man has got a lot of interesting things to say. He's got a very bright mind. And people are like, wait a minute, I've heard that shit before. Sociopath. This guy does, man.

It's amazing. We're talking afterwards, and he's like, yeah, I feel like I shit before. Sociopath. This guy, Des, man, it's amazing. He's, you know, and after he told him, we're talking afterwards, and he's like, yeah, I'm kind of like, I feel like I'm back at open mic night level. The guy's been a comedian for almost 20 years. And he's like, yeah, you know, I wish my Chinese was better. He's like being a typical comedian, not giving himself enough credit. And I'm like, dude, I just watched you do 10 fucking minutes in Chinese and get laughs.

That's incredible. Don't be coming off going, ah, he's still got some work to do. Meanwhile, he did all your best jokes. What do you, Tom, has stand-up changed for you, Tom, after all these years? Or do you still look at it in the same way? I mean, you know, you have times in your life when you're up and down. But, I mean, I know, you have times in your life when you're up and down, but I mean, I've always loved it. I think as far as contemporary comedy, I think it's way better than it used to be.

Like back when I started, I think there's way more originality and edginess and dark humor. I think like back in the late 80s, there was a lot of conformity. I felt like a lot of guys were trying to be Jerry Seinfeld and get on television. Yeah, me too. Where there wasn't a lot of ferocious voices. And I think that's why Bill Hicks stood out so much in the era. Pryor was just speaking pure truth. Right.

That kind of thing. I think now there's way more dangerous interesting stuff happening in comedy so i mean as a as a comedy lover i love it the only thing that's missing right now is clubs there's not as many clubs as there used to be but i think as far as like ideas there's more information now that that's getting to the comedians there's more stories there's more also to the audience more things you could read there's more i mean you're getting crazy stories you could talk about on stage all day long

on Twitter. Every fucking day, your Facebook is filled with some one nutty story after another nutty story that can ultimately be turned into a bit. If you have the time and the resources you can get on stage, you can kind of craft an act today on, you know, it's a fucking, there's a wealth of information that's coming

at you. But it's just harder to find clubs in a lot of places. I don't know. Don't you think a lot of clubs are opening? In some places. I think the worldwide comedy scene definitely is exploding right now. What if you're in St. Louis? What do you got? Is there an improv there?

There's a Funny Bone. If you want to start out, do they have an open mic night? What's the scene like? They do. Is it more than one club? I mean, ideally, you want several clubs because most likely you're going to burn one of those bridges. If you're a comedian, you're probably temperamental,

you're impulsive, you do stupid shit, you drink, you do drugs. People still don't really come to comedy as much. I mean, I was talking to Bill Burr about this. I was watching him the other day in that show we did, and I said, like I was talking to Bill Burr about this, like, you know, I was watching him the other day and that show we did. And I said, you know, you now, of course, Bill does theaters and stuff, but for the most part, for a long time, I always say that there are people out there that'll make you laugh way harder than any movie you've ever seen yet. They still can't sell out on a Friday. It's just right. Bill was on my podcast a few weeks ago and he said, he goes,

I call that period killing and obscurity when When you're just like killing and you're not selling tickets. We all go through that. You all go through that moment before anything really hits for you where you're like, God damn, this stuff is sounding pretty good. I'm getting into a groove here. I feel like I'm actually like a legit headliner. I wouldn't mind telling someone to come see me. It takes like 10 years before you feel that. But once you do feel it, no one knows who the fuck you are.

Like, you know, you could be... You're in a hotel somewhere in Kansas. Yeah, you could be as good or even better maybe than some people that are on television. No question. But nobody knows. Like, Diaz is a perfect example of that. For the longest time. Totally.

Joey Diaz was absolutely murdering it and no one knew. I think you're a good example of that. We knew. We were his friend. A lot of people don't know how funny you're a good example of that. We knew. We were his friends. A lot of people don't know how funny you are. A lot of people don't know. They think of you as an actor. They don't know how funny you are as a stand-up.

You're fucking hilarious, dude. My friend Justin, he came to see us in Vegas. He was raving about how funny you were. He was crying. He kept repeating your lines and shit. That's one of those things where people know you now more, I think, even because of the internet, than they knew you from TV shows you did, like Mad TV. This podcast actually has been hugely instrumental in getting people at least to my shows and stuff. But think about how crazy it is. All the movies that you've done, all the different

things that you've done, and there's still a lot of people that didn't hear about you yet. But then, let's not mention any names, but we all know and there's still a lot of people that didn't hear about you yet. But then you, well, it's not mentioning names, but we all know certain people who sell a lot of tickets, and then you, you know, your friends go back and come back from seeing them and go, what the fuck did I just watch? That's right. Like, oh, my God, that guy's terrible. Yeah.

And you go, well, you know, it's different. You're on a show. You've got writers and, like, sorry. You know, but there's a lot of people that are, like, killing on stage to 50 people a night that's right the owner's mad at him can't figure out that you got to do fucking everything press morning right you got to do three radio shows on the friday three radio shows in the morning two in the afternoon you still have full no one's hey man it is about it is about the internet i've learned that from you like now that I've been tweeting and stuff, it is.

You can get people to your shows a lot easier. Well, that's a nice thing. But you know what's really about the Internet? You're entertaining people. You're giving these people entertainment. The reason why you have this connection with them, they're coming to see you in the clubs, is you've already entertained them.

They enjoy your work. They enjoy whatever you put out. They've taken in. And it's enhanced. It makes them feel good. It enjoy your work. They enjoy whatever you put out, they've taken in, and it's enhanced. It makes them feel good. It's more personal. I've had people come up to me in London after shows, and they've heard me on your show, and they've heard my podcast, and it's like they know you. It's not just like a little seven-minute TV

spot. These people know serious details about your life and philosophy and the way you feel about it. You would never be able to get this sort of a connection with people if you just did Letterman a hundred times. Right. They would never get you. We're also at an age now, the three of us, where, and I've noticed this, a lot of guys

are, they don't have guidance and they don't have a responsible older male to teach them certain things. And we're the age that their father would be. And I notice, and I'm starting to take it very seriously, like, you know, when people listen to me on this podcast or on my podcast or whatever, they're really listening. And they're paying attention. And in a way, you feel responsible. You feel like, you know, I'm way more careful with what I say. I'm way more careful with the information I give out.

I've got to make sure I know it. Remember, Joe. You are now. Right. We used to start this podcast. I'd just be spewing shit. I've got to make sure I know it. Remember, Joe. You are now. Right. We used to start this podcast. I'd just be spewing shit. I'd be like, and another thing. You didn't research it at all.

And one more truth. People would get so mad at me, they would send me these fucking text messages. Oh, my God. He's spreading disinformation. Right. It's just called talking shit. That's what we always do.

Talking shit. Yeah. When you heard something, but you heard it wrong or whatever, and you start talking. But then people are, you realize, oh, eight million people are listening and you start talking. But then people are, you realize, oh,

8 million people are listening to you. It's like, I better fucking start paying attention to what I say here because- Well,

that's the thing with technology now. Everybody can call you on your shit instantly. And should, by the way. And should. Like the iPhones

are totally little answering machines. And they should. Oh, by the way. Oh, by the way. Oh,

by the way. With my shirt open and my purse in my mouth. I told you that story about a time I was with my wife, and we're talking about Guantanamo Bay, and I'm like, I wonder what the top ten torture songs were, the top songs that we torture these people with. She whips it up on the phone.

Two seconds later, we got the list. What are they? Number one was a song called Fuck Your God by Deicide. Some death metal thing. That's totally appropriate. But the rest of the songs made absolutely no sense whatsoever. It was like Queen, We Will Rock You was one of them. That Brian May guitar riff, I could listen to that over and over.

Sure could I. Don McLean's American Pie was one of them. Oh, my God. This is it. Don McLean's American Pie was one of them. Oh my God. This is it. Fuck Your God. Diary. Meow Makes TV Commercial. Meow, meow, meow, meow,

meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Is that on there? Oh, that's great. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, Enter Sandman by Metallica.

I could listen to that over and over. I can't think of Metallica and not think of Jim Brewer. Barney the Dinosaur, that would break you. Jim Brewer, why? Yeah, because Jim Brewer loves Metallica.

Does he? Yeah, I remember that first murder. He's friends with them all, too. Yeah, now he is. When I first met Brewer, he would just be rocking out to himself, singing Metallica songs. He loved Metallica. What happened to Guns N' Roses? You know about this.

What happened to Axl Rose? Did he just go crazy? I think everybody goes crazy when you get that famous. I think that's what's happening to Kanye West. That's what happens to Lady Gaga. That's what happens to everybody. They're too famous. It's almost unmanageable.

That's what happened to Madonna. And I think, look, they hang on to it better than probably any of us would, but they're still crazy. You go crazy. You go crazy. How can you not go crazy? I would. Everybody goes crazy.

Can you imagine being Lady Gaga? Can you imagine? What is that like? I know a woman who dated a very famous celebrity I won't mention. She was saying, she was telling me that he got to a point where he just couldn't really, he was just like, you get so famous that he would have like these sex parties and he would just, she ended up getting sucked into that vortex and she's banging his friends and he'd be sitting on the couch like Nero watching this shit.

It just got crazier and crazier. Yes. And it got crazier and crazier. And then he couldn't, he couldn't come unless he was like, unless it was, she was doing crazy shit, like laying her tongue on another girl. I really feel bad for that guy. I know. He kept having to amp it up. He had an exterior.

He was really conservative, like people thought. But when they'd get together, it was just fucking on. And she had to finally break up with him because finally she was in a rotation. But hold on a second. When you say he's conservative, like his appearance or his public persona was conservative? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very accomplished. Famous, famous guy.

Well, you remember that Bob Crane guy from Hogan's Heroes? He was banging chicks all day. His buddy didn't want to give it up. That's why he was getting tired of it. Off the rails. Well, he was murdered. By his buddy. They believe.

Who he was banging girls with. Yeah, I don't know if anybody was ever convicted of that. Nobody was, I don't believe. Did you see that movie? It's a really good movie. Interesting. No, what's it called? Greg Kinnear.

Autofocus? Yeah, I think so. Really good movie. Yeah, I think it's called Autofocus. And speaking of Lady Gaga, did you know Bradley Manning, who took all those military secrets and gave them to WikiLeaks and endangered the lives of American service men and women all over the world, when he had these discs on his desk. Is that a statement or a question?

No, no. He had these discs on his desk. And so when sensitive information would pop up, he would pop the disc in and download all this information. Right. So he labeled the discs Lady Gaga. Yeah. And so people would walk by his desk going, those fucking guys listen to Lady Gaga. Yeah, that way no one would take it.

So I think that Lady Gaga should also be implicated for treason. That's all I'm saying. I just want to make a case for that. Tom, that seems a little extreme, sir. I just want to make a case for that right now. I think she should be implicated. Yeah. I think she's treasonous. A that. That seems a little extreme, sir. I just want to make a case for that right now. I think she should be implicated. Yeah. I think she's treasonous.

A little bit. Just a little bit. A little treasonous yourself. Bradley Manning wants to get a sex change. Yeah, Chelsea. He wants to be Chelsea Manning. He's a cutie. He's a little cutie pie.

How dare you. Very petite. I know. You're going to do all that and then want the government to pay for your sex. Well, that's what he wanted. Yeah. Well, maybe. I don't know. Who knows how long he's wanted that. Want the government to pay for your estate. Well, that's what he wanted. Well, maybe, I don't know. Who knows

how long he's wanted that, but I couldn't imagine what it would be like just to be in the position that that guy's in. Just to be in the position to have this information that you think needs to get out, so you release it. And then they keep you in solitary, naked for like years. For years!

The guy was, I mean, he was going crazy. Bradley Manning? Is that what they did to him? Yeah. Psychological torture. Yeah, they did something and they kept him,

they keep him in solitary for long enough. I guess it's nothing to joke about when you really think about it. That's torture. It's called torture. For years,

they kept him in solitary. They kept him in solitary for a long time. And, you know, now, who knows? I mean, it might not even be true that he wants to have a sex change they might have just released that who the fuck knows right right right who knows who knows i mean

it might just be like check check out what we're going to put about you in the news you know look you want to have a sex well his lawyer right to destroy someone's character yeah maybe his lawyer is working for the government does did he have the chance to actually give uh a speech i think i think he mentioned the fact that he was wanted to have a gender change at his trial? I think he mentioned the fact that he wanted to have a gender change. At his trial, I'm saying. Did he give a speech about why he did what he did? I don't know. The whole thing is really strange, man,

because it's changed our whole idea of what the government is. Between the Bradley Manning WikiLeaks thing and the Edward Snowden thing, it's essentially changed our entire idea of what the government is. Like in one fell swoop, it all became this giant spy network, which we never would have imagined. We never would have imagined. The NSA's reach and all that. Yeah, all that.

It's amazing how things have changed. People don't realize what a big impact that really has had on the confidence of the American people. Because now all the people that were like borderline believing in Alex Jones and wondering what the fuck is really going on with the new world order. Now it's all like on paper. Right. Like the Obama, they're only collecting metadata. And that turns out to be bullshit.

It's a good Obama impersonation, sir. It's ridiculous. It's like there's so it's so obvious now that there's this giant spy network and everyone's sucked into it. The whole world is literally connected to these cords and no one wants to admit it. And tapping in on Angela Merkel, the prime minister. Yeah, everybody. Everybody. Every world leader.

All of that. And their personal cell phones. We knew everybody's- We've also known forever that both sides, we're always spying on each other. That's why the president goes into his tent, which scrambles all kinds of information. Well, Mike Swick told me that he was working at the embassy in Russia. Mike Swick, before he was at Mike Swick, MMA fighter. Before he was an MMA fighter, he did security at this embassy. And he said that they used to find things that the Russians had put in the buildings

that were powered by the motion of the building. The subtle sway of the building was what powered these devices that they used. He said it was so far beyond anything they had. And you know what's really interesting? A lot of the shit that they got, that the Russians got, a lot of shit that the Americans got during the space race was from the Nazis.

It was Operation Paperclip. We took all the best race was from the nazis it was operation paperclip we took all the best nazi scientists from germany and just knock them over here and change their last names a little bit a little bit fiddled around a little bit exonerated them gave them positions of power like the head of nasa warner von braun was a known nazi who the simon thal weashal What was it? Simon Wiesenthal Center for They said that they would punish him for crimes against humanity. They would try him if he was alive today. They would try Werner Von Braun

for crimes against humanity. What? That was the head of NASA. The head of NASA was a goddamn Nazi. Like a real Nazi. There was a documentary on these people that had been through the camps and were describing Werner Von Braun. It was a documentary on these people that had been through the camps and were describing Werner von Braun. It was an expose on Werner von Braun.

And they were talking about how they would see him while they were looking at people hung. They would hang the five slowest Jews outside of this Berlin rocket factory every day to make sure that everybody worked harder. And they would see von Braun walk past the bodies. Like to say that he wasn't a Nazi, they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He was a Nazi. He was there while all this was going on. He was a part of all this. And this guy, you know, he had the tattoos and everything and he was describing this and it was really intense. It was really intense to think that, you know, just because someone is like really good at something, we'll take him over here, put them on

TV, polish them up, give them a haircut, smile. Werner Von Braun, the head of NASA, says we could be on the moon inside 24 months. We got a lot of German physicists, including, I believe, Albert Einstein, because of the anti-Semitism that was

arising in the early 30s already, and they came over. But wasn't it really just because they were awesome? I mean, we had to control them. The Nazis had created some incredible devices. BMW, they were creating incredible fucking engines for jets. I mean, they had some amazing engineering. The machine gun, I think, was a Nazi invention.

Or a German invention. Operation Paperclip. They took a gang of scientists. It was in 1945. And they brought them all over here and put them to work in a bunch of different segments of our military industrial complex. But also in NASA. They designed missiles. They designed everything.

They did all kinds of shit over here. But the space race was greatly, greatly aided by these people. We literally didn't have a program until we brought Wernher von Braun over here. It's amazing, man. That's some amazing shit. That's just how they did things. They said, yeah, yeah, they're bad guys, but look, they know a lot of shit about rockets. It was also a race for world domination. I said, yeah, yeah, they're bad guys, but look, they know a lot of shit about rockets.

It was also a race for world domination. I mean, there were conflicting ideologies, man, and it was winner take all in a lot of ways. Oh, yeah. Well, it was a scary time. Everybody's rushing to make the nuke. I mean, if they make the nuke first, they win. Yeah, that's right. We all die of fire.

If it wasn't for that Bhagavad Gita-quoting motherfucker that was crying earlier, if it wasn't for him, somebody else. We got it. That's right. We all die of fire. If it wasn't for that Bhagavad Gita quoting motherfucker that was crying earlier, if it wasn't for him, somebody else would have got it. Oppenheimer. Probably would have been the Nazis. They probably would have figured it out. There's no question. They were on their way. That was the whole thing.

The Manhattan Project was basically a race to get the bomb before they did. Oh. Jesus Christ. But apparently, though, historians say that they were further, they actually had given up on trying or they were further away than we thought. Allegedly. Yeah. American propaganda.

We got 1,800 technicians and scientists along with 3,700 family members. Those with special skills or knowledge were taken to detention and interrogation centers such as one codenamed Dustbin to be held and interrogated, and in some cases for months and then they took these motherfuckers and slowly brought them out and started reintroducing them a lot of brain power wow a lot of brain power that's amazing they're still catching those guys man they're every now and then they'll find like an argentina and places like that a lot of them went down there. A lot of them went to South America.

They flee. I mean, you got to think. And they've chased down a lot of them, man. They've been amazing. They've found a lot of them. I mean, there's a lot of Germans that live in Argentina. My mother's from Buenos Aires. I've been to Argentina three times. Do you speak Spanish?

There's so many. I do not. What's your background? Ethnicity? I'm actually... Are you a Nazi? No. You're being Nazi blood?

I'm Italian and Irish on my mother's side and English and French on my father's side. And most of the immigrants down there are Italian or German. And they still have German language newspapers in some areas. It's a really vast, large country. Entire German population, yeah.

But that's where a lot of people went and hid out and were hunted down eventually. Jesus Christ. What a scary thing. They just moved these towns and just repopulated a bunch of fucking sociopaths, psychos. Do the tango until somebody catches on. All the murders.

Not a bad place to go down to, too. Not a bad place to, you know. Women are stunning. It's a great place. Delicious steaks. I had a friend who just got back from Colombia. He was like, oh, my goodness. He goes, it's like 10 to 1, women to men.

The women are beautiful. Best looking women in the world. He said they have these incredible bodies, and they're dying to meet American men. He said it's the most ridiculous thing ever. He goes, every American man should just go to Colombia. Well, I can't do that. Well, you're married, but a single, but someone who's not happy. That's what I'm saying. Someone who doesn't live the perfect life like Brian Callen. Well,

they're having problems. Get this. So Columbia has a lot of those video chat things and guys will spend a lot of money on those video chat things. Here's problem guys are flying down there to meet their girlfriends their cyber girlfriends and and hanging out there and getting all hung up and marriages are getting ruined and everything else oh my god there's been a lot of problems oh yeah careful of those cyber chat oh the webcam they're sirens man they are sirens they will they will you listening to probably not even men i mean they're probably not even women. They're probably men for the most part with fucking fake pictures. Well, no, these are girls you video chat with.

Oh, video chat. Right, right, right. Think about, well, the Nigerians, how much the money they've pulled out of lonely men. They've done an amazing job. Really? It's an amazing thing they've done. Like what? What are they?

Scamming old men. There's this one show that was exposing this guy that got sucked into this Nigerian scam and I think he gave off $250,000 which was like all the money he had saved in his entire life and he couldn't meet this girl. He tried to meet her. He flew all the way to Europe and she ducked him.

You know, like they had an email exchange and they were supposed to meet at a certain place. She doesn't meet him, of course. She only speaks through email. She sends pictures and only speaks through email He's never actually spoke to her on the phone So this poor fucking guy flies all the way to Europe and she gives him some kind of hootenanny excuse Oh this happened my family and this was like it's very hard for me right now I don't know where I'd be without you. Thank you for understanding and then you know he sends money sends more money

He's a dummy. Oh, he's dumb as fuck. But he's also just sad and old and lonely. And, you know, he was an older man, and she was young and beautiful in the pictures. So he flew back again. The guy flew to Europe twice. God. Twice. Nothing. That's why older people shouldn't be allowed on the Internet.

There should be guidelines. I know. Somebody should keep an eye on older people. But, you know, I get those emails, like, the tears are coming from my eyes. I have no money. What? My grandfather got addicted to buying things out of catalogs before he died.

Oh, boy. Before he died, he went through a real bad period. He only lived for a year after my grandmother died. Took care of my grandmother for 12 years, and my grandmother had a stroke. He had to take care of her day in of my grandmother for 12 years, and my grandmother had a stroke. He had to take care of her day in, day out for 12 years. And then when she died, he was dead in a year.

And in that one-year period, he went off the rails. And one of the things that he did was he would buy things off catalogs. He would just call just to talk to anybody, just to talk to people on the phone. He was, like, really lonely. Sad, man. Well, he was used to having his wife with him, like, all day, every day. And his family lived, like, an hour outside of town. You know, they lived, it was a substantial drive.

So they would come to visit him on the weekends or when they could, but they couldn't be with him all the time. And he didn't want to leave his house. He wanted to stay in his house. So it was this crazy situation where the only way this is going to work, this guy's going to be happy, you know, to be living be living with somebody he doesn't want to leave his house and he was getting dementia and but category we have there to take catalogs from him because he was just constantly ordering things on catalog God yeah sad shit man

people do that they say people go to funerals like that just so they can be around people Wow so when people go and they don't have any friends anymore, you know, you get to a certain age and your friends are all gone. Yeah. I think about that a lot. That just must be so hard.

I remember my grandmother, you know, she married the guy for 55 years, 60 years, and then he was gone and I walked her to the casket

and that was it, man. That was it. That was somebody she'd been with for 55, 60 years and they were just gone, you know, and that is is a weird thing man yeah and also the reality that you're gonna go to i mean you know it i know it we all know it but it seems almost abstract until you see it in front of you yep and then you go oh this is what's just gonna happen one day

it's just gonna not be here i'm gonna just be gone you're gonna be'm going to just be gone. You're going to be gone. She's going to be gone. Everybody's finite. It's just so hard to recognize that while it's all happening. While you're living your life, it's so hard to appreciate all the moments. Right. Well, until people start, like my father died in 2009 and my sister died in 2011. Wow. Hardcore. Two of the people I love the most in the world.

And so, I mean, you never, life just seems like some endless thread. It's just going to keep going on and on. And until you get punched in the heart and have somebody very dear to you who you love and, you know, taken away from you, it doesn't dawn on you. Was your sister younger or older than you? Younger. Yeah, she was 37. Got breast cancer.

Oh. No. Yeah. Where's that coming from, Brian? And then my father was killed by a drunk driver in Anaheim. Oh, no. Yeah, so I mean, you know, one you can understand, and the other one is senseless.

Both of them are senseless. What is causing breast cancer, Brian Cannon? You probably know this. It's got to be the food or mass-produced food. You know, like in Europe, my wife is from Holland, and she always points it out. Like, there's a lot of foods that were sold in America that governments in Europe don't allow on the grocery shelves. Just certain ingredients and shit.

The incidence of breast cancer in Japan was very, very low. And when they started changing into more of a Western diet, it did rise. So that would suggest that diet plays a large part. Fish and fish oil, stuff like that. Pollution. There's probably a fucking slew of factors. Nutrition, pollution, stress. Water.

Tim Ferriss went to where they live the longest in Okinawa and what he was actually looking at is what they don't eat. And one of the things about them in Okinawa is no pussy, but they have, like they talk about, they have a very, very diet and all the stuff. But they eat blue potatoes, not rice. And there's all these theories. But a huge part of it is their sense of community. They find that people who have a purpose and never retire and a sense of community, like when they're really a tight community, they live longer.

Right. And so when most health professionals are looking at health, they're talking about graphs and, well, they eat this and this. No, in fact, human connection, when people feel supported emotionally and connected, I'm not saying this was the case with your sister. I'm not saying that cancer, I'm not. Oh, that never even crossed my mind that you would be implying that. No, no, no.

I'm totally agreeing with what you're saying. Because when people retire, you see a lot of people retire or their wife dies or whatever. They die a few years later. I think your theory makes perfect sense. Did you read The Outliers with Mountain Gladwell? Yeah, it's been a little while. He talks about this town Rosetta, which is an Italian town. There's an Italian town called Rosetta.

They were marble. There was a marble quarry nearby. And when the marble quarry in Rosetta in Italy no longer had any marble, they moved to a part of Pennsylvania where they had a quarry nearby. They formed their own town. And in the 50s, heart disease was an absolute epidemic in this country. One of the things they found was in Rosetta, people were just as fat. They cooked with lard, not even with olive oil.

They were dying of old age. And they said maybe they come from a hearty stock from this town in Rosetta. So they looked at people who had emigrated from other towns in the United States from Rosetta. No, they were dying of heart disease too. Why weren't people dying of heart disease in Rosetta? Why were they dying of old age even though they were fat, even though they didn't eat very healthy necessarily, or they ate a lot of sugar and pastries? even though they didn't eat very healthy necessarily or they ate a lot of sugar and pastries.

Well, the conclusion was probably that they had such strong community, such a bond. Even if you were a guy who was a nerd or a guy who was whatever, who wasn't winning at things, there was such a support system for people. There were parks and people would talk to each other, going to and from work, and there were community things that they would do.

And it was such a strong community. They look forward to hanging out. They look forward to hanging out. And that plays a factor in your health. Enjoying your life. Enjoying your life. It's everything. Yeah.

It's everything. Enjoying what you're doing. Having a good time. Yeah, but then also having that sense of purpose and not, you know, like, Yeah. Going something and then you retire and then you have nothing to do. Your mind is not occupied. Purpose is huge. It's why I think with stand-up, like, you know, like, doing something and then you retire and then you have nothing to do. Your mind is not occupied. Purpose is huge. It's why I think with stand-up, like, you know, I talk to guys like you,

like, I'm never quitting. I'm never gonna stop. That's always been my thought as well. It never even crossed my mind to not do it. Yeah. Yeah. Carlin never quit. No. You know, I mean, even Richard Pryor, when he was on his deathbed, came back, did more stand-up. It was, on stage, he couldn't even walk, couldn't barely talk.

I worked with him. I did like five weeks with him. Really? Yeah, at the comedy store when he made his comeback before he died. I saw him on his 50th birthday. My father is the reason I'm a comedian. My dad loved comedy, and he had Richard Pryor albums. I used to listen to them.

My dad was such a comedian. My dad loved comedy and he had Richard Pryor albums. And so I used to listen to them. My dad was such a fan. He had cassettes and drove around in the car. I listened to Pryor as a kid with my dad. So my dad was living in LA and Pryor was after he got sick and he was in a wheelchair. Two guys had to lift him up in the wheelchair and put him on stage

at the comedy store. But it was still such a thrill to be in the same room with this guy who is like the reason I'm a comedian. And like this ultimate loving bond I had with my dad and like, you know, love of dirty jokes and comedy and laughter and humor. And Empire could barely keep his head up. You know, he was so debilitated. But he did do a 20 minute hunk on licking pussy i would get my dad to pay attention to me he was so busy and so under so much pressure and the way i would get him to i remember as a kid is i would recite movies uh and comics that's and

and because i knew i could recite them and he would laugh and that was uh i knew it would kind of relieve the pressure of his crazy fucking job. What was his job? He was a banker. I think he did other stuff for the government. I don't know. But he was gone a lot. He had to solve all the problems, I think.

I always felt that way. I could always see the stress on his face. I could always see the insanity that he was going through. I remember the one time he would relax is when he would laugh at me. So I would quote Monty Python. I got really good at memorizing. Yeah. So, you know, whatever, man.

What a joy. I hope I have a son who entertains the shit out of me. You better do it soon, son. I got a video I'll show you. My son doesn't. He's two and a half. He sits at the drums for one hour at a time, and he doesn't want to get off.

He's got to call in. You got to shoot those loads in there now, Tom Rhodes. Yeah, right. I'm getting up there. Get up there. Yeah, because by the way, it comes a point in time when your sperm's no good no more. You'll be a good dad, Tom.

I can't wait. My wife wants to wait. You know, I'm ready to go. She wants to wait for what? She's just enjoying this traveling the world, doing cool gigs all over the world. Yeah, you don't even have a place to stay, right? You're still doing the hotel thing.

No, I'm just constantly booked. Wow. Europe, Asia. That's great. I spent May in New Zealand at the New Zealand Comedy Festival, and then I did a Best of the Fest tour. I'm like, oh my God, who doesn't want to go to New Zealand? That's great. And your wife loves it?

My wife loves it. She loves comedy. You found the one woman on the planet. The one woman on the planet. Loves to travel, loves to hang out and drink and laugh with comedians because that's what I've, you know. Wow. That's pretty cool, man. That's great, dude.

That's a very rare thing. I don't know of any other guy that's doing that. I don't either, bro. Especially a high-level guy. Like, maybe the guys that are in the beginning when they're just starting out, but like a headliner. I don't know if you could do it in the beginning because you're not – unless you're, like, independently wealthy. Well, no. Your family's got money.

When you're living on a fucking couch and couch to couch and living in people's, you know, sleeping with friends' couches and cars. That first 10 years of, you know, taking buses and hitchhiking to gigs and sleeping on people's couches. It's like now where it's come in life is it's sweet. Yeah, it's great. You know, I got gigs and I'm going back to London. I'm doing the Soho Theater in like February. Wow. I got a gig in Barcelona. I'm doing a tour of Holland at the end of January.

It's just like, it's awesome. You can't argue. I love it. And then they're just like so much work in the States. I mean, I can only, you know, why pay rent on a place I'm never at? Right. So you work more in Europe than you do in America? No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's about, no. 50? 50-50. You know, I mean, I'm in the States 50% of the time and then 50% of the time outside. You're a high-tech nomad, brother. You probably go international more than anybody I know then. If that's the case, if you're like 50-50, who else do you know that does like 50% of their stuff internationally?

I don't know. I've been doing it for a long time now. Yeah, you have. Stanhope does a bit international, but not that much. He kind of hates it. Stanhope absolutely kills me when he talks about, like, you know, I'll be like, you know, because he's pretty adored in England, and he's doing these nice, you know,'s doing these nice theaters and selling some nice tickets.

You talk to him about it. He thinks everywhere is like Mexico. He's just complaining about it. What's your favorite country? He thinks it's horrendous. He thinks so little of some of the places that he goes. It just kills me. I'm like, didn't you enjoy the food?

He might be being theatrical. I think he is. I think Stan Hope, he loves to be a contrarian. Because there's certain aspects of travel that I just ... It depends where I'm at in the world

with time off. We'll go somewhere and we'll rent an apartment somewhere exotic. Last November I did the Jakarta Comedy Festival, and my wife and I went to Bali for two weeks. Jakarta. That's Indonesia for anybody who doesn't know.

And then like in June, we went to Key West for a couple weeks. In September, we rented an apartment in Rome. We've done that the last few years. What is your favorite place to – do you have a favorite place? You know, San Francisco, Sydney, Amsterdam. But if you were to retire somewhere, do you think there's a country you would go to if you didn't live in the States? I mean, I always liked Paris. My wife, her favorite city is Rome.

I love Rome. And she's really been, the last three years in a row we've gone to Rome. So the first two years, like, seeing monuments and all and all these you know paintings and things I wanted to see this last time we went there it was great I just pretended like I lived there for like a week or just like going to nice restaurants and when you're drinking wine where do you perform I haven't performed there I've just gone there on on trips I should set up a gig there because I've been I love going there yeah you don't ever have the desire to like have a place where you there on trips. I should set up a gig there because I've been, I love going there.

Yeah. Do you don't ever have the desire to like have a place where, you know, like this is where you put your family photo and this is where you put your underwear in that drawer? You know what? I did that. You know what? I threw everything in the storage when I moved to Amsterdam. So I had everything in storage for five years and then- You lived in Amsterdam for five years?

For five years. Wow. Yeah. And I had a, I was on television for three. I had my own late night talk show for two years. In Amsterdam? On Dutch television. Wow. Yeah, and I was on television for three. I had my own late-night talk show for two years. In Amsterdam. On Dutch television. Wow.

In English, and it was subtitled in Dutch. And then when that finished, the same network let me do one year as a presenter on a travel program. So I had a wonderful life there. But when it finished, and I love making television and I moved back I moved to LA got everything out of storage and I looked at my shit and I'm like this what am I my empire of $20 purchases I mean everything was anything that meant anything to me it was like a book or a CD and all those are like 20 bucks each is my empire $20 purchases that the things that did matter are the family photos and then like you know things from your life and family and little, your comedy career,

a little memorabilia and stuff. Yeah, I don't have anything nice. So like when I threw everything back in storage, I got rid of like most of like the furniture and shit like that and just got it even smaller to like what was really important to me. Like my book collection and different you know archives of videos and I remember years ago you had a place in Koreatown that's what that's when I got came back that place was great you came over that one night we had a great night there was this this girl who I went to

high school with who's an old friend of mine you and her got into like this insane argument i don't know what she said about she's uh i i i forget what it was but you like schooled her on something that she was misinformed about and you guys uh i don't remember too much i remember we got really high there was one i read i I saw you at the comedy store or somewhere. There was one crazy girl that had some crazy- I don't remember what the idea was, but it was so wrong. And she was saying it as if it was fact. I don't remember what it was, though. It was something like that.

Yeah. Yeah, I forget what the thing was, but it was something that was- All I remember was just going, who the fuck is Tom Rotain out with? I had this- I had very little furniture. My friend, really good friend, Charles Ezell, who lived in the building, he was in a band. And he was like a character comedian, did a little stand-up, but he also had a band.

So I let him set up his band stuff in my living room. So there was a drum kit and instruments there. And I just let these guys, I left him the keys, one of my best friends. So when I'd be out of town half the time and he could go in there and I had this massive CD collection and stuff. And he would just beat on the drums? No, no. His band would go practice. They'd go practice.

In an apartment? In my apartment in Koreatown. Oh, my God. How mad were his fucking neighbors? And that's where you came over. And I had this great, like, this empty living room with just, like, some musical instrument. We're having a really nice party. And then you and this girl got, you know, one inch from each other's noses.

I don't remember it very much, man. Joe confronting. I don't remember it very much. I think the girl had said something that was just not true, not even close to being true. I remember her just being a little crazy and thinking, man, Tom hangs out with crazy people. But maybe I made her crazy. I'm still good friends with a good portion of people I went to high school with. Wow.

It was from a small little town, Oviedo, Florida. And there was a lot of really good people. I mean, some of them are, you know, have different beliefs and different ideas about things. So they're a little goofy. Is that what you're trying to say? No, no, no, no, no, no. Not all of them.

No, no, no. I'm saying there's a couple that are goofy. That girl was one of the hottest girls in my high school. Well, that's the problem. That's also the problem when you're really hot. You get away with a lot. And I away with saying a lot of crazy shit. And I think that she had probably gotten away with saying whatever she wanted for a long time. That's what it seemed like.

You were one of the first people to enlighten her. It was just a, you know, I remember we were high at the time, which really destroys bullshit. Nothing destroys bullshit like marijuana. And when someone's bullshit and you're high, like, oh, come on, man. Don't even say that. Right. Just stop. Like, it's so obvious.

This is not true. This is not a true thing. But that's L.A., man. Is it? God, oh, God. It's everywhere. Yeah, there's some people walking out here very misinformed about the world. Telling me 2 plus 2 is 18.

I'm like, what the fuck are you? Right. Stop making all this noise. Scientology, too. What are you talking about? Or just people in L.A. that aren't used to being told, no, you're wrong. What you're saying is just absolute horseshit. This is not called on it.

Right. Or how about this? You're lying. Stop lying. There's a little bit of that going on. Oh, my God. It's unbelievable. Well, you know, one of the things I was saying to a friend, we were talking about one thing that I don't like about people that are struggling, especially struggling as actors. It's the arena that they're forced to compete in. The arena they're forced to compete

is an arena where they're constantly going to auditions, where there's this weird social thing going on, where there's one person who's in control, the casting director, and there's a director who's observing you. And your whole thing is about getting these people to like you quickly in a brief amount of time. And so they adopt like really obvious democratic left wing sort of tendencies and things to say. And they adopt, you know, a very left wing mindset because that's the majority of the people in Hollywood are very left wing. And they start spewing out shit that they think people want to hear as opposed to having a real thoughtful opinion on something. That's a very good point. Very few people have the luxury of having a real thoughtful opinion.

It's all about getting someone to like you. It's all about getting into the door. That is so true, man. It's a terrible way to exist. I was thinking about that the other day. That is so true. There becomes this way of you're bullied into speaking a certain way because if you don't, you're going to be considered a shithead or, you know.

You're not on the team. You're not on the team. You're not on the team. And you see it all the time. Well, the left wing aspect of it is very strong. It kills ideas. It kills thought. You know Jimmy Schubert?

I forget what he calls him. He calls himself a liberal conservative or whatever because he wants to work in show business. Like, you know, he's. He can't. He cracks me up. You could never go to an audition with a mitt romney shirt on there was not a single person would ever hire you that's something that would they would really it would prejudge you for sure get this guy out of here that is a hard game though acting man i know there was a when i lived in that building in koreatown there was a actor guy that lived in my building uh you know

it's starting to get up there in age for an actor or whatever, and I guess his work kind of dried up. For some reason, I would see this guy. He would tell me everything about his life. For some reason, he thought we were, you know, whatever, great friends. I told the guy very little about me. So he just would always just spew all this information about himself. And I remember him telling me, because it was a bar downstairs in that building,

and him telling me one night the I'm getting out of show business story. I loved the, like you and I were talking about, never even considered stopping doing this. So it kills me when somebody gives the I'm getting out of show business speech. I've given my all. I've done what I can do. Yeah, yeah. All the fakeness and then

uh all the phone is he so the guy he you know because nothing had gone on for him he hadn't worked in a couple years and then he got this little role on um uh deadwood like so i don't maybe one line or he you know he was on a horse or something and then like uh and that you know that rejuvenated his spirit. But I remember the guy telling me sometime after that that this girl had dumped him. And he's just incredulous. He can't believe it happened. And he just keeps saying to me, but I was on Deadwood, man.

Whoa. Like, who could dump me? God, what a... This town allows you to reinvent yourself and reinvent your own reality, man. It's incredible. Who could possibly not want to be involved in life with someone who... People do that a lot. What a mutt. People do that a lot.

What a mutt thing to say. Yeah. Yeah. You dummy. There was another time where there was a little cafe on the corner, and it was like a sunny Sunday or something. He was sitting in front of there reading the big Sunday newspaper. And he had the homes section he's looking through.

And I'm just being a smartass. And I walk up to him and I go, Your career must be doing really well now if you're looking at the homes section. And he looks up from this paper and he just goes, No, just daydreaming. And you know what I'm going to do one day when I can afford a house? I'm going to build walls so high to keep the shit in this city away from me. It was just like the most venomous, angry.

Oh, God, that anger. I'm like, it's a sunny Sunday. Loosen up, you twat. You know what? This is so hard for him, though. I got a great story. This is so bad. Build a wall to separate all the scum from.

I knew a guy in my acting class. You know how long I was in acting class? Years. I loved it, by the way, for a lot of reasons. Mainly because it was just fun to be in a... There was a lot of craziness. And Joe would always make fun of me,

but there was a guy, really good guy, normal guy. So I thought... And he was. And I hired him to shoot me, to shoot this audition. So I go to his house, and he's got this great camera. And on his wall is a dream board. And on his wall is his.

No. No, no, no. He's put his face. No. He's put pictures of his face on the cover of Vanity Fair and those magazines. And he's got slogans saying, you're the guy, you're the one. And it's a dream board. Wow. And it was big.ans saying, you're the guy. You're the one. And it's a dream board. Wow.

And it was big. It covered his whole wall, man. And he's a good guy. And he's a normal guy in a lot of ways. He's just been told the wrong things. Is this Jay Davis? No, it is not Jay Davis. That's almost like, you know, go to a girl's house and she's got too many stuffed animals on the bed.

That's like the male equivalent of that. He thought his showbiz meant so much to him. go to a girl's house and she's got too many stuffed animals on the bed. That's like the male equivalent of that. I know, but he thought he visualized so much to him. Yes, even though he was trying to visualize his future and it never, I remember going, oh, it's never going to happen, bro. No matter what I do. By the way, I shouldn't have said Jay Davis. Jay Davis is a very nice guy. He's a great guy.

He is a good guy. I like Jay too. No, the reason you did it is Jay's so enthusiastic. Oh, it's ridiculous. He would have a board. Yeah, Jay's just an enthusiastic guy who loves everybody. But this guy, handsome, tall, suave, and just like, you're a dork, bro. I've got to help you take that down right now. His picture, his face over celebrities' faces on Vanity Fair and People magazine.

I'm not kidding. What if he made it there, though? He visualized himself doing that. That's how Dane Cook got big. Well, I don't know. Joe, stop bringing names up. See, you're going to run into that guy, and he's not going to have made it, and he's going to go, you're the reason I'm not on Vanity Fair.

You made me take down my dream wall. He's a good guy, and I want the best for him. I love take down my dream. He's a good guy. I want the best for him. I love the guy, actually. He's a great guy. He was told what happens sometimes is people are told something enough times, and they forget to stop and think. It's exactly what we were talking about with the Fox thing.

It's like, who says you can't swear, and why are you doing it with somebody? Why are you doing it with a corp? You forgot the idea of a podcast. You have to keep thinking because you'll make choices sometimes because you're told that this works. Yeah. Who said it works? I can't visualize running punts back in the NFL or fighting in the octagon.

Don't have it. No matter what I do, ain't going to happen. I'm getting fucking knocked out because my bone structure for a thousand reasons. I don't have it. Okay? Tried.

Didn't work. So, you know, you've got to – yes, you should dream big. But you should also be realistic with who you are. So what you're saying is that someone told him that all you have to do is use the power of positive thinking. Correct. Use the idea of the – New age thinking. Yeah.

The law of attraction. All that shit. And what happens is when you read enough books about it and it's written enough, you see enough books written, you start to go, this must be, this is a truth. There was a girl who came to the comedy store. She was friends with Kelly Curson. Very nice girl. And one day, the day I met her, she was in the back hanging out with Kelly and all the comedians. Everyone was just joking aroundians and it was like

right around the time that What the Bleep did they know was on in the movies and people just had decided that they were going to visualize their life and she was talking about it and I hadn't seen the movie yet but she had just told me that she was following the secret

and her life was going to be from here on out a masterpiece because she was following the secret and her life was going to be from here on out a masterpiece because she was following the secret. And she was very nice and I didn't want to argue with her. And I wouldn't argue with someone about that because I'm not sure what I believe when it comes to the power of positive thinking. And I don't know how much of this reality

just because you can touch things and bang on them with a hammer I'm not exactly sure how much your intent has to do with success. Wait, it's very simple. Let me just break it down. Nothing wrong with positive thinking at all until it gets in the way of critical thinking. Uh-huh.

Right? So make sure if you want to be positive, we should all be positive. We were just talking about this, but make sure you don't lose sight of critical thinking. Be able to decipher the meaningful difference between things. It takes some thought and experience and practice. This girl, I ran into her a year or so later, maybe a year and a half later at the UCB. And I was like, how's it going?

How's everything? She's like, you know, I've been using the secret, but it just doesn't work. She's like, my life is just as much of a mess as ever before. And it was really weird because she was real confused. And she wanted to ask me about it because we had had this conversation about it. And it was essentially the last time I had seen her. And then she was like, it's just not, everything is a mess.

I keep having these bad people in my life. I keep dating the wrong guys. I keep my dad sick. It's like all these things that are going on that I never would have created if I wanted to. The secret is you keep making bad choices. But that's why sports and stand-up and things are so important because you come up against objective reality. Yeah, there's that. You can tell a joke, and if you're not funny, they're not going to laugh.

You can study kung fu on a mountain. If you try to punch somebody in the face who's been boxing and doing Muay Thai, you're going to get cracked in the mouth and you're going to feel the difference. There is a place in life where objective reality must be embraced. And if you live in LA long enough and you start reading books like that and you don't surround yourself with people who tell you the truth, people, friends who tell you the truth. There's definitely that. You'll create your own reality. You also need something that shows you the truth. That's where something like a martial art, or even like playing chess, or anything where it's like, it is, there's a win-lose situation here.

There's a reality. You're as good as you show to be good. You can decide that your poetry's the most amazing poetry ever. If you can get three other idiots to agree, you could believe your own hype easily, really quickly. Not hard at all. But you can't, if you go and play basketball,

and you can't score a ball, you can never think you're a great basketball player. You're not a good basketball player. You're like, that ball is not going in here. This is not happening. I keep throwing it. I keep missing the hole. So get a good coach and refine your approach.

I lost 30 to nothing, three fucking games in a row. This is bullshit. No matter what my mom says about me being a good athlete, I'm not. These guys are killing me. Yeah, that's an objective reality. And refining your approach. The whole point is you fail, figure out what you're doing wrong, get somebody to teach you the difference and then refine it and go back, go back at it.

There is some aspect that requires a positive approach and confidence and thinking and almost hubris. You know, there's a part of that that's real and that's where it gets really weird. It's like, it's not an either or situation. There's a part of that that's real, and that's where it gets really weird. It's like it's not an either-or situation. There's a bunch of elements to success in life, and one of the elements seems to be like a belief in yourself and a belief that positive things are going to happen and a belief in hard work and a belief in like even if you're proven wrong sometimes and you see what went wrong, you've got to believe that you can recover from that

and keep going. When you go on stage, like every time you go on stage like every time you go on stage you've done it before you've done it many times before so you know that you can go do it and the crowd you know roars brian callan and you get on that stage but there's one point in time in your life where you didn't fucking know you didn't know whether it was the first time or it might have been like deep into your first year you know this is like a year in i was like what am i doing what the fucking god i'm still terrible like this is brutal this is a brutal fucking occupation hit or miss not only that it requires so much self-examination that you never want to do as a young man right right right right the the one of the most amazing

conversations i've had in a long time was with an author named Dan Coyle who wrote a book called The Talent Code. And he went and I had him on my podcast. Motherfucker, name-dropping bitch. I know. I thought he was going to say. Intellectual name. A guy named Dan Coyle. Dan Coyle.

Dan Coyle. No, Dan Coyle wrote a book called The Talent Code. Coyle. The book was called Potatoes. It was called Potatoes. Potatoes. It was called Potato. No, it's an amazing book called The Talent Code where he went and studied all the hotbeds of talent, like the schools that put out the most world champions.

And he kept meeting the same coach over and over again. The same prototype of coach. Yeah, he was never a guy who gave big speeches or anything. He was just a guy obsessed with information and what he called deep practice. The idea of practice what you're bad at, practice just beyond your reach, and practice very hard. Well, that's that Malcolm Gladwell thing about the 10,000 hours thing, which comedians all hit that.

Well, Dan Coyle takes it to another... There's a woman who's 77 in Russia. She owns one court, teaches in group classes, put out more tennis champions than anybody else. And it's because she's really quiet. Steroids. All steroids, yeah.

No, it's just the way she disseminates information. And there are music people who teach it. There's this cello player in San Francisco who puts out more world-class cellists because he just has a way of communicating how you should practice. Yeah, that's a big thing, man, learning how to learn things. It's big, and a lot of people don't ever do it. And learning how to teach kids things. One of the things that I'm realizing when I volunteer in my kids' class

and I watch how little children, we're talking about five-year-olds, absorb information, and how some of them just don't get it. They just don't get it. And guess what? They don't get it they just don't get it and guess what they don't get any extra help the ones the ones who don't get it there's 30 fucking kids in this class there's one lady who's teaching these kids and if the kid doesn't get it he just doesn't get it I didn't get it and when kids don't get it they get into this spiral of their behind because they didn't get the first thing so the second thing comes along they don't get that either

because that's based on the first thing so they're standing there like staring shame it creates shame it's great creates get that either because that's based on the first thing. So they're standing there like staring. Shame. It creates shame. It creates a stupor. That's a terrible way to teach people. Like kids need to be talked to like individually, like one-on-one. They need to learn things. They definitely need some group time, but they need to learn things, and it needs to be broken down differently for different people. Yeah.

And we don't do it. We don't teach people how to learn. We don't teach people how to learn. We don't teach people how to get good at things. We don't teach people how to discipline themselves. And we make it so that people can just sort of skate by on life. Well, also what happens, which is a very damaging idea, is the idea that, oh, some people are born smart and others aren't because you didn't get it. And that, what happens is, and you get gifted programs, and these kids are separated over here, and these kids over here are the dummies.

And my very good friend of mine, Hunter Motz, who wrote this book, The Straight-Aid Conspiracy, is all about that. This motherfucker is friends with all these authors. I'm very, very smart. He's brutal. I'm brutal. Wait, before we end, I know we have to end. I want to get your take. I'm sorry to jump, but I want to get your take, if we can, on Robbie Lawler and that fight with Rory McDonald. How do you explain Robbie Lawler's renaissance?

I mean, he's such a badass. Discipline. Maturity. He's training with really tough fighters on a regular basis. He's been working with the same striking coach, Matt Pena. He's been working with him for a long time. But now he's at AT&T now. AT&T. American Top Team. AT&T now AT&T yeah American top team AT&T and That's a great camp a lot of high-level guys So many so many guys even don't even know and he's got slews of them all talented people And so he's just putting it all together. You know, it's just it's just a matter of him finally being focused and also

Spending a lot of time at 185 pounds, now dropping down to 170. Oh, right. He dropped down. I'm telling you, man, he knocked out Josh Koscheck in the first round, and then this Rory McDonald fight. Dude, he fucking hurt Rory McDonald. He's one of the first. I mean, he hurt him in the clinch, too.

Unbelievable. He hurt him when Rory was shooting for a takedown, going for the single. He blasted him with left hands. He hurt him when he got on top of him. He hurt him really bad in this one exchange. In the third round, he hurt him really bad in this one exchange in the third round he had him fucking rocked it was a bad fucking moment for rory but i'll tell you what man rory can take it that kid he's so tough he's so good and he's so technical but robbie's just so goddamn

ferocious i was so impressed with rory especially in the first round about how he avoided robbie's charges i watched that fight just like like the punches would come to his nose. He knew just how far to get back. I watched that fight with a guy who took a bronze medal in the Olympics in boxing, Tony Jeffries, who teaches Brennan Schaub. He was watching Rory, and he said, he was like, that guy's got the best footwork I've seen. He said, for an MMA fighter, he said his footwork's unbelievable.

He's super technical. Lawler was just a little too much for him that night, especially in that one round when he hurt him. But it was still a really close fight. You know, Rory's a bad motherfucker, man. He's a bad motherfucker. By the way, he's going to get even better. He's still young as shit.

He's 24 years old. After this fight, he's going to come back even stronger. Here's my next question. Hector Lombard fights Johnny Hendricks. What would happen? Oh, Jesus. The world would explode. I agree.

That would be madness. Can you imagine that? That would be madness. Two powerhouses like that? Well, there's a lot of guys out there for him now. For Hector Lombard and for Johnny Hendricks. How about Tyron Woodley? Yeah.

Tyron Woodley is a fucking monster, man. Him versus Hector Lombard would be the most muscular contest ever. The two most muscular men. That division is so stacked. It's crazy. Yeah. What's up with your friend Nate Marquardt? Is he going to retire now?

I don't know. I just exchanged texts with him, and I don't know. I don't want to speak for him. I don't know. I just think that Nate's been fighting for a very long time at a very high level. A lot of hard sparring, too. A lot of hard sparring, too. A lot of hard sparring. Well, he sparred with Shane Carwin for eight years.

Good luck. Yeah, that's an interesting story. Like when they asked GSP to spar with Shane Carwin, he's like, why? Right. Why would I spar with him? Why? He weighs 270 fucking pounds. And get hurt by Shane Carwin.

Hits like a freaking mule kick. Yeah, it's like getting punched by a telephone pole. The end of a telephone pole, just dong, dong. He's got the biggest hands. Shane's got the biggest, thickest hands I've ever seen. Biggest hands ever in the UFC. I believe it. Yeah, he had like 3XL or 4XL gloves.

They were ridiculous. They're like these giant canned hands. Long arms. He's a tough guy, man. And for the longest time, Nate and him were training partners, and they would spar and the idea that nate who would fight eventually in his best weight class at 170 pounds would be fighting a guy who's one of the bigger heavyweights yeah crazy weird that's how smart he

was or how good he was nate nate is when when i talked to brendan and train with him for eight years and shane when they talk about nate and you know i mean, and remember, Nate's, GSP's main sparring partner for a long time, I believe, was Nate, one of his biggest training partners. You know, they talk about Nate in hushed tones. He was as bad as he, I mean, Nate is a bad motherfucker, man. At his best, if you go back and watch, like, the Tyron Woodley fight, when he fought Woodley in Strikeforce and knocked him out. It was Nate. One of his finest performances inside the hockey yard. It's incredible. He beat a lot of good guys at 185 pounds too. He stopped Martin Kampman at 185 pounds.

Wilson Govea. He stopped him at 185. Knocked Damian Maia out with one punch. Nate was a bad motherfucker. It goes back to the GSP thing. They all have a certain amount of time in this game. There's a certain amount of shots you can take. There's a certain amount of shots you can take. There's a certain amount of time. I asked Chael Sonnen and I, I said,

what are you going to do? You've been competing since you were nine years old. How do you replace the juice of competition? And he said, I have no idea. That's a huge part for, I think, a lot of guys who are extreme winners, extreme athletes, which I consider cage fighters to be.

No doubt. I think that substituting all that you get from that is very, very difficult, man. Yeah. Well, there's also the fact that that's how they define themselves. You know, it's like, could you imagine if all of a sudden you just weren't funny? Yep. Like, you would go on stage and you would just eat shit. You just weren't funny and people found you distasteful and they would boo. You'd have to drag me off the stage, man.

Yeah. You'd try to figure out what went wrong here. What do you do? With a fighter, that's what it's like. It comes a point in time where your body has just taken its share of blows and that's it. You start to see it.

They start to have these breakdowns, start to have these injuries, knee injuries, backs, start to have these injuries, knee injuries, back injuries, neck injuries, elbow injuries, shoulder surgery. All this stuff starts to happen. The wheels literally start falling off. Yeah. And until they figure out a way to make it so that that doesn't happen,

you know, until – It's always been the deal with athletes, great football players and great baseball players. When the crowd stopped cheering, what do you do now? And that's always been an issue for a lot of athletes. It's the deal with the devil. You know, you have 10 incredible years and then the rest of the time, by the time you're 32, you're a veteran and it's time to quit a lot of times. You know, you've got to, I always, that's why I think in a lot of ways, you got to feed your brain at the same time. Yeah, you definitely got to feed your brain. But I think it's also like what's going to happen if they figure out a way to fix things?

Like what's going to happen in the future if the consequences of fighting are not as extreme? Like if one day they get to a point where they can regenerate neurotissue and speed up injuries traumatic brain injuries just rehabilitate your brain to 100 probably better and better body probably get better and better or or not i mean one of the things that they find with people is that again i'm sorry to bring up dan coyle again but you know you stop developing like uh people type 80 words a minute and they don't get any better. People play golf and they stop at an 85 handicap because most people will get good enough and then stop. To get that much better requires a whole different level of practice, a different kind of practice.

You've got to be obsessed. You've got to be a fucking crazy person. You've got to be obsessed. Well, you remember when you were first starting out and you were doing comedy and there was guys that were with you in the open mic days and they just fucking kind of dropped off. They didn't grow. They weren't obsessed with it. Exactly. I love that spirit when you in the open mic days, and they just fucking kind of dropped off. They didn't grow. They didn't, yeah, they weren't obsessed with it.

Exactly. I love that spirit when you're a young comedian, and it's like you're looking for a joke everywhere. Yeah. What's funny about a tree? Yeah. Oh, man, what can I write about a table or, you know, microphones? When I used to drive newspapers,

I had this van that didn't have a radio in it, and it was the best thing ever because it was this monotonous work that I would do. And it was high on Dunkin' Donuts coffee and fucking Boston cream donuts. I had this mad sugar rush. And I was up at 5 o'clock in the morning throwing newspapers out the window.

And driving around by myself, I would get all my material. That's where I'd get all my ideas. I still do that. I don't play music in my car a lot of times because I know I'll write if I'm driving. And it's nice because at the end of the day, I feel like I accomplished something where I surprised myself with an idea. That to me is coming up with an idea and surprising myself with a bit.

Like the other day, I came up with something. It's such a good feeling. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's better almost than performing it in some ways, you know? Yeah. Well, it's a gift, you know? It's a gift for your time and focus.

Yeah. Your time and focus gives you this gift, you know it's a gift for your time and focus yeah your time and focus gives you this gift you know it's when you sit in front of a computer for hours and hours and you just got this one line you're like ah one line that's one line yeah just that's all you needed that's all you need then you take that one line you cut and paste it into your little folder and you're like bam get it done yeah and if you don't show up that that line doesn't get written if you don't sit in front of that computer that line doesn't get written. If you don't sit in front of that computer, that line doesn't get written. I love that idea of what you just said is you've got to show up.

You've got to show up. In a way, if you keep showing up, something will be revealed to you. That's the whole point of Pressfield's work. The war of art, that's his whole thing. Keep showing up. That's his whole thing. Did you ever see the podcast? The war of art? I saw that book out there.

Amazing. I read both his books. He's amazing. Oh, man. Really, really cool guy. Yeah, we did a podcast together, me, him, and Aubrey. I didn't know that. It was amazing. Aubrey's read his nonfiction stuff. Well, I've read both his books. He's amazing. Oh, man. Really, really cool guy. Yeah, we did a podcast together, me, him, and Aubrey. I didn't know that. It was amazing.

Aubrey's read his nonfiction stuff. Well, I've read both now, but mostly the nonfiction stuff is what I'd read before the podcast. I've read the nonfiction. I didn't read The Legend of Bagger Vance and all that stuff. Yeah, Aubrey read his fiction stuff, though, about the Romans and the Greeks. He's got a lot of really wild shit, man. He's awesome. But just this whole thing is about having that habit

to just work, to get it done. And it applies to anything creative, not just to writing, but pretty much anything you would want to do, whether it's practicing music

or creating a film. Just fucking actually go to work. And that's what a lot of people don't do. Because the world is filled with weak bitches. That's how we're going

to end this, ladies and gentlemen. Don't be a weak bitch. Get it together. Did you say November 29th and 30th? You're a wise guy. Where are you going to be? Did you say that?

Yes, apparently I'll be in Wise. Wait a minute. I heard that Tom Rose is going to be in Austin, Texas. Is this true? Apparently. I am. November 30th, Stateside Theater. Don't come to our shows unless you want to laugh really hard,

especially Tom Rose. Yes. These two gentlemen have the high-level podcast stamp of approval. The stand-up comedian, gold star. There it is. They're out there, and they're two of the funniest guys working today. Go see them, you fucking dirty bitches. That's Tom Rhodes and Brian Cowan.

Follow them on Twitter as well. Thanks to our sponsors, including Stamps.com. Did we do today? What did we do today? Stamps.com? Stamps.com. Powerful Stamps.com. Did we do today? What did we do today? Stamps.com? Stamps.com. Powerful Stamps.com. A beautiful way to send shit through the mail.

Go to Stamps.com. Use the code word JRE and get your $110 bonus offer, including a digital scale. Up to $55 of free postage. Hoo-haw. Thanks also to Carbonite. Wait a minute. God damn it. I'm fucking terrible at these things.

I never know where I put them on my folder. Thanks also to Carbonite. Go to Carbonite.com. Type in the offer code JRE for a free trial, no credit card required, plus two free bonus months with your subscription. That's Carbonite.com. Go there. It's a fucking awesome setup. We use it here at the Joe Hogan Experience That's CarbonKnight.com. Go there. It's a fucking awesome setup.

We use it here at the Joe Hogan Experience. And thanks to Onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. Use the code word Hogan. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements. Hollaback. We will be podcasting all this weekend,

Brian Callen and I, as we go out on the manliest of manly adventures, hunting deer in Wisconsin. Northwood. It will be cold. It will be cold. And yes, we will be doing it for Steve Rinella's TV show, Meat Eater. We're doing it again, round two.

Last time we were in Montana. This time we're in Wisconsin. We give zero fucks. We play zero games. We're out there, folks. Slinging dick and giving out bubble gum. And we'll be podcasting the entire week that we're there. So we'll have a bunch of shit for you when we get back.

And we love the fuck out of you people and we appreciate the fuck out of you as well. Big kiss and see you soon.