The Joe Rogan Experience - #427 - Cliffy B

Episode Date: December 9, 2013

Clifford Bleszinski, aka Cliffy B, is a video game designer, and former design director for the game development company Epic Games.

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Today's fast commercial day. I'm not fucking around, Cliffy B. I get through those bitches. I just hack them out. Cut to the chase. Cut to the chase. You're a free man. Look at you. I know, right? You're a bad motherfucker. You're a dick-slinging video game controller, and you're out there a free man. Yeah, after 20 years of servitude. You worked for Epic Games for a fuckload of time.

I met you there, Jesus Christ. I was like five years old. It was a long time ago. You were a young lad running a big company like that. I think I was having my first marriage back then too.

Yeah, you had a different thing going on back then. That's a good way of putting it, buddy. You were driving a Lamborghini around Raleigh, North Carolina. No, when you first visited, it was a Viper.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, and it was fucking terrifying. Those are terrifying cars. Yeah, and you talk about, like, poor Paul Walker and the Porsche Carrera. I mean, that car was squirrely as hell, too. Yeah. Like, it was really fast in a straight line. Well, those cars were super fun, those Vipers, but the idea behind it was the most ridiculous

thing ever. No anti-lock brakes. Yep. No traction control. 500 fucking horsepower. Yep. The earlier ones were like 450. And if you weren't careful getting out, you would burn

your leg. Yeah, on the side pipe. And then, to add insult to injury, the top of the car, if it was the convertible, you had to take an Allen wrench and unscrew the thing and then get a friend to help put it, and it wouldn't even fit in the boot of the car. You had to leave it at home. What? And I used to live five minutes from Epic. I'd sit there on my second monitor

and I'd have the WRAL Doppler up. And if a storm was coming, I'd to like drive the car home otherwise you'd be the asshole stoplight like how's it going right so stupid you can't put the roof inside the car no that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard dave perry uh he had one for a while we were big on the viper for some reason and he told me a story he went to dinner with like uh some sega executive when he was a younger developer and uh he had top off. And this is LA. He's in Laguna and it never fucking rains, right? And he said it just started pouring

and he just walked home because he didn't want to have the embarrassment of driving the car or the Sega executive seeing him. The next day he could see it was starting to rust already. He traded the fucker in as fast as he could before the rust actually hit. So somewhere out there there's a guy who wound up with Dave Perry's rusty Viper. It's probably worth a couple bucks because of that.

Yeah, exactly. If you're really into Dave Perry. But yeah, I mean, I started working with them when I was 17, man, and I was emotionally like 12. That's insane. Yeah. You were working for Epic Games at 17. How old were you when I met you?

Mid-20s, I think. Wow. Yeah. That was way before Gears, when you guys were just working on the tech of Gears. Yeah. Who did I come in with? Duncan? Was it Duncan Trussell, I think?

I think it was Duncan. You played the... Charlie Goodnights. Charlie Goodnights, yeah. I was just there. I saw, what's his name? Joey Diaz. Joey fucking Diaz, man.

God, he's good, actually. And we went to Jillian's, and that was like downtown. And downtown, dude, the last time you visited Raleigh, even since when you visited then versus now, it's like night and day. Really? Yeah. It's like a mini Austin now. Really? It's like we have the hipster infection.

We've got fucking food trucks. See if you can do something about that. Dude, it's... Well, I opened a restaurant there. Did you really? Yeah. With my partners, this giant six foot eight Irish fucker. He used to bounce in Southie.

Back before Southie got gentrified. How old is he? He's 43. Those guys don't last long. Yeah six foot eight well we're gonna we're a tough one key man insurance yeah you gotta keep that guy alive yeah he's uh he's a he's a rock star though he handles most of the day-to-day ops he's been in the restaurant business 25 years one of my best friends and uh yeah it's in a gentrifying neighborhood it's high-end comfort food it's called the station on person we we were just there about, I want to say like six or seven months ago. Duncan and I did a tour of North Carolina, which is where he's from.

We did that and we did the mountain joint. Asheville? Asheville, which is amazing. Yeah, it's beautiful out there, but they hate the tourists. They do, but they do for a reason. Yeah, but the tourists bring in the money. That's true, but when you go to Asheville, my feeling, and I don't want to romanticize it too much, because I really like doing that with some small towns, my feeling was like, oh my God, nobody knows about this. This place is at the perfect level. Yep.

The perfect amount of you can walk around, and it's very little seediness. Even the homeless people were pretty polite. Yeah, yeah. It's just a bunch of weirdos. Well, even in downtown Raleigh, you get to know them. There's like, oh, there's the guy with the bags. There's the guy with the cane who were pretty polite. Yeah, yeah. It's just a bunch of weirdos. Well, even in downtown Raleigh, you get to know them. There's like, oh, there's the guy with the bags. There's the guy with the cane who talks to everybody. And, you know, they actually become, like, friendly and shit.

And they don't, it's not like San Francisco where they actually physically touch you. San Francisco is one of the worst spots ever for that. They'll fucking grab you, man. It's just like, come on, man. Well, we were coming off the freeway in the Uber on the way over, and there's these three hipster-looking dudes playing music with a sign, need gas money to get home, and home, of course, they list as Portland.

I'm like, you know, at least you're doing something for it. Singing for your supper, right? Portland's a long drive, man. Did you come by Raleigh? You should have given me a call, man. Yeah, we couldn't. We had a quick thing that I had to do. We didn't have any time, and then we had a drive to Asheville the next morning. But it was really beautiful up there.

It's really the mountains of Asheville. Asheville's beautiful, but it also has that, like, feels like they took, like, a kit for, like, a hamlet, like, of a town to, like, put it together. It's, like, it's got the mountain vibe to it. Yeah. You know, like this Bavarian thing going on. Yeah, it does, right? It's got this weird sort of, it's just interesting. Did you drive from Raleigh out there?

Yeah. Yeah, so you see the slopes where they remind you to be careful with your brakes, and there's like runoffs for trucks and everything going down the hills, yeah. Yeah, some serious fucking hills. You gotta be careful with that shit, right? That is the mountains, especially in the wintertime, right? Oh yeah, yeah, it's beautiful out there. It's fucking incredible. Unbelievably gorgeous. Yeah.

Like, as we were driving up those hills, it's like, wow. Dude, I love it out there, you know, and I've said this a million times, the West Coast is fucking fantastic. The problem is the word got out. Mm-hmm. You know, and if I get around to starting a new game studio, I love it out there. I've said this a million times. The West Coast is fucking fantastic. The problem is the word got out. And if I get around to starting a new game studio, I pay a programmer 75, 80 grand in Raleigh, he or she can live like a king. Can buy a great house, great schools.

The downtown's just growing exponentially. And it has certain political issues that have been in the news lately. Get her done! Yeah. Those assholes will all be voted out, but I don't want to get into too much of that. It's too early for that. There's bad stuff going on there?

Just, you know, GOP's lost their fucking mind. The GOP. Trying to shut down all the abortion clinics and all this crazy shit. They're old dudes now. That's the problem.

Well, old white men are currently terrified. Young men with balls become libertarians, and only the ones who are trying to hide from the gay become Republicans.

So you've got this weird thing where you've got old dudes and young guys that are gay trying to pretend they're not. Yeah. Well, and that's when you repress something that much, it bounces back five times as hard. People right now fucking screaming. I told you this fucking cocksucker is a liberal. Dude, our fucking marriage has been in shambles since they legalized gay marriage. It's just been horrible for us.

Yeah. Legalizing gay marriage. That's a big fight. I said I had to stop watching gay porn because I felt just been horrible for us. Yeah. Legalizing gay marriage. That's a big fight. I said I had to stop watching gay porn because I felt too insecure about my abs. Smart. You should be careful. You could really ruin your mind. It's like doing acid one too many times. You know that's out there.

You know? Those abs are out there. And you look at yourself when you go to the bathroom and you're like, shit! The point where I'm in the car and suddenly I start feeling this little warble right around here. Fuck. What are these abs you speak of? I know. Do some CrossFit or something.

Yeah. What's your workout routine? Do you do CrossFit? I do kettlebells. No, I don't go to a CrossFit gym. It's so fucking culty to me. Yes, it's very culty. And my best friend's into it, and one of the reasons I love him is because he doesn't talk about it all the fucking time.

I think it's culty, but it seems to me to be a good thing to be culty about. If you're going to be culty about something like fitness, health, those people are, like, really motivated. I've met a lot of them. I've never met any of them that espouse weird culty shit. It's all just a fitness culty. I had a friend of mine, a dear friend, she's got hardcore into it and she's like showing us how shredded her hands are as like a badge.

I'm like, that's not attractive. Yeah, I saw some, there's some photo shoot that some woman did who's like, I guess she's a

NASCAR mechanic or something like that? That's Christmas Abbott. That's the girl. Yeah, I know her. I've met her. She lives in Raleigh.

Is she the one you were talking about? No, no, no, Tanya was my friend. She works at Abbott right now. About to have a baby were talking about? No, no, no. Tanya was my friend. She works at Epic right now. About to have a baby, actually. And a great girl.

But she got so hardcore into CrossFit and she just was like, no, you can't wear gloves. You have to suffer for your work. Yeah, there was a video of the fucking CrossFit founder, one of them, doing these kipping pull-ups. He's one of the head CrossFit guys and he just mangles his hands. And he's like proud

that his hands are cut open from all that. In half the CrossFit videos you look up, though, that Christmas girl's in it. She's totally cool, and she's a local celebrity. And she's the first female to do a NASCAR pit, I believe. Look at her fucking body. That shit's ridiculous. Yeah, she's shredded. And you wouldn't know it when you meet her. She's a whole celebrity in that whole scene.

She's totally chill and cool. You mean in the CrossFit scene? Yeah. Well, I found out about her on, I think on MixedMartialArts.com. There was a website about, a thread on the message board, rather, about her.

And I'm like, yeah, that's a weird thing, but that really strong, muscular, pretty girl like that, that's a, you know, a lot of dudes are into that. My whole thing also, that's my thing about tattoos also, right?

Like, if you're gonna do it, do it. Like, go full on also, right? Like, if you're going to do it, do it. Like, go full on out, right? Like, I have a star on my butt for my mom, you know? Just like, go all the way, right? Mom, you always have your star for me. And I got a namaste symbol. A star on my butt. That's my thing.

I just got two shitty ones that I got when I was like 20-something, and they were flash, and they weren't even custom designed. And like, do I regret it? No. We were sitting, I was visiting with my wife's family

in Florida this summer, and Destin, the old in- in-law trip right and it was cool it was fun but uh lauren's baby sister's 19 and she's just getting into dragons now i'm like and she looks at this tattoo the shitty dragon tattoo i have my shoulder she's like did you just get that i'm like look at it you know it's like the old sailor anchor it's like bleeding bleeding. What is it? Let me see it. It's a shitty dragon, dude. It's just like... Yeah! This is just an elaborate trick to get Cliffy B to take his shirt off.

It's cute. It's a cute little dragon. Yeah, but I was a bold 19-year-old and I'm like, Lacey, I liked dragons before it was cool.

Whoa. Wait a minute. It was wonder. When was it cool to like dragons? Now it's cool. But it was always cool to like dragons? Now it's cool. But it was always cool to like dragons. Dungeons and dragons.

Yeah. Dragons have been around. Admitting when I grew up, if I was a dork into dragons and things like that, dude, it was not cool for the cool kids. Yeah. Well, when I was in high school, I remember someone was like shitting on me

because I read the Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Because I was into the Hobbit books. That's my point exactly. It's cool to be nerdy. Yeah, when did that change? About eight years ago.

Video games. Why? What made it change? Video games? I don't know. It's a cultural thing. It's like Big Bang Theory. I tell people,

I've got to go to Comic Con next week and everybody's like, I'm so fucking envious of that. And I'm like, okay, and have you ever read a comic? Do you know who half these people are?

And it bummed me out this year. Have you ever gone? No. Are you saying the guy is saying he's envious, he's unjust? Or in jest, rather? No, he actually is now. People actually really want to go to Comic-Con

because, I mean, it's not just comics. It's video games. It's pop culture. In one minute, you'll see like Jon Favreau go walking by, and then there's like a person dressed up as Princess Leia. That sounds like two things I want to avoid. Best agent.

So I'm going to stay here. But, Joe, the thing is, it's like, the cosplayers, dude, the cosplayers are fucking amazing these days. Like, the amount of work. There are girls and guys who spend all year working on an outfit and then just show up. And they'll, like, drive from, like, Boise and sleep in their friend friends uh yeah floor and oceanside i've been there um not in the actual events itself i went we were there uh doing shows at um american comedy company yeah and i just was down there for the fun of it but we had to cut out a lot of fucking a lot of fucking people man it's it's it's madness yeah just getting a hotel room getting a ticket you have to have to have a good connection through Warner Brothers or something like that.

And we were only able to be there. I mean, I love it. I fucking live for it every year. It's like everything I love in one place. And it's just very sweaty. And we had to leave early because my wife's, one of her bridesmaids was actually getting married back in Louisiana. She's from New Orleans. So I was like, damn it, I had to miss out.

Because you go to the Entertainment Weekly party there and it feels like prom. It's just so many cool. So I was like, damn it, I had to miss out. Because, you know, you go to, like, the Entertainment Weekly party there, and it feels like prom. Right. It's like, it's just so many cool, there's this whole, like, Joss Whedon circle of people, like Nate Fillion and all of them that just are, like. Who are these people you speak of? From Firefly and Serenity, man. And, like, Buffy and all that, right? You know, that. Firefly and Serenity?

What is that? What is that? What the fuck are you talking about? It's like, come on, man. You're not speaking my language. There's only 24 hours in the day. Do you wear this? How would you even know about these things?

Why would you allow them to enter into your memory to the point where you think that another grown man would know what the fuck you're talking about? Dude, you're shitting on sci-fi classics right now. You're talking about Firefly and Serenity? I'm like, what? Dude, watch them. Trust me. Oh, I'm sure. No, I've heard Serenity is badass.

Yeah, Serenity is fantastic. But most people are not going to know what the fuck you're talking about was my point. I actually know. I went to the, like, my sci-fi show was at the, they were at the premiere. A lot of the guys, they played clips. It's really great stuff. Yeah. But most people are not going to know what the fuck you're talking about.

Oh, fair enough. You fucking, you guys are so deep. You know what Buffy is? Do you know what Buffy is? I've heard of Buffy. That was a vampire slayer. It's based off a better movie. Well, I have a whole, like, there's like a 10-year rule

where anything that was, like, cool 10 years ago, you can reintroduce it and then people act like it's new. Like, zombies, vampires, all this stuff. How many people,

like, think, like, if you go back to, like, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who the fuck would've thought that would become, like, this huge TV show? And why didn't they

use the same Buffy? Imagine if Buffy's agent fucked up that deal. It's Christy Swanson, right? I don't remember. She's not as Buffy as she used to be, I think, was probably the reason. Really? You know, look at Luke Perry, who's also in it.

That would be creepy if you had Luke Perry in that TV show. Well, the original. That would be creepy if Luke Perry was in a TV show. Because his hair's not as straight anymore. It's kind of to the side like one of the whales. It was also the classic casting of 30-year-olds as high school students. Yeah, that was so weird. Dude, like,

that dude's hairline's like worse than fucking Nick Cage's and he's playing a high school kid. I don't buy it. And he wasn't like a Tom Cruise 30 either.

Yeah. You know, Tom Cruise at 30 looks like Tom Cruise at 20. Looks very similar to Tom Cruise at 40, which is very fucking similar to Tom Cruise at 50. Yeah.

Now, there's a big difference. There's some vampirism going on there or something. Like Cindy Crawford. Scientology, son. She was hot as fuck. She was. Dude, it's that 90s look.

Yeah. That's right. He was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yeah, that was not the vision that Joss originally wanted. The studio and the director totally changed what he wanted to do. That's why he went on to do Buffy as the show, which wound up being like this cult classic. Really?

What was the difference between what he wanted to do and what they wanted to do? He didn't want to do it campy. And with a name like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it winds up being cheesy and campy, right? Right. And so for the show, the whole point of the show was demons and vampires as a metaphor for high school shit that people go through, right? She finally sleeps with her hurt-to-crush angel and he turns into a giant asshole, you know? You know what someone needs to do, man? A LeF giant asshole, you know, you know what someone needs to do man Lafayette Nikita style Realistic Buffy the Vampire Slayer like Buffy fucking up like those 30 days of night type vampires Yeah, you know like something really scary something freaky and scary instead of this, you know true blood

Yeah, what's like it's like the high concept ones which are really good like the idea of like a really hot chick who slays vampire I got a buddy mine concept buddy minds doing a comic book, like the idea of a really hot chick who slays vampires. I got a buddy of mine. It's a good concept. A buddy of mine is doing a comic book. You know, the whole zombie thing, right? He's found what I think is the last take you could possibly have on zombies. It's a comic book called The Other Dead, and it's Josh Ortega who wrote Gears 2, and he's doing it with Kevin Eastman, who is one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle guys.

And the idea is the zombie apocalypse hits, but it's just the animals that get infected. Hmm. So we just zombie animals everywhere? Zombie. Picture any animal you want. Everything from like a fucking alligator through like a honey badger, like anything.

It's just, when I was talking about Buffy, I think that people take concepts like that and they're like, well, we know how to do this. You know, let's do this.

They're just like the rest of these shitty fucking movies that are basically the same. Yeah. Do them exactly the same. She'll win in the end. No twists. Nothing's gonna pull you out of the art form itself. I saw you guys were talking about Blackfish recently.

Fucking, dude, depressing. Very depressing. They were saying about the captivity is like, you know... Is that her now? She still looks fucking great. She's hot as fuck. Oh my god. That's Christy Swanson now? I wonder what happened, man. What kind of disagreement there was why they didn't use her as Buffy. You never know, right?

Find her on Twitter. Maybe it could have been that she was too much of a woman and they wanted someone who looked like a high school girl. Because is Buffy supposed to be in high school? Yeah. That's so ridiculous.

Sarah Michelle Gellar's not in high school. What the fuck is that? How many years did they do that, though? Buffy went on for, I think, six or seven seasons. After a while, they must have been like, damn, we gotta get this bitch out of high school. They did at do that, though? Buffy went on for, I think, six or seven seasons. After a while, they must have been like, damn, we've got to get this bitch out of high school.

They did at some point, yeah. Fuck, she's married and kids. There you go, fella. She's verified, though. How many followers does she have? 12,000. Isn't that weird? How do they get verified?

These publicists. Yeah. The publicists get them verified. We got verified because my agent has a buddy who's over at Twitter. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's that simple, dude. I've had three publicists try, but I keep on getting denied. You're not verified?

Somebody hates you. Same people that hate you at Wikipedia. I really think I fucked somebody's ex-girlfriend or current girlfriend. No, someone just listens to the podcast and they want to kill you. It's really that simple. Some guy's like, don't soil Joe Rogan's podcast. I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? I've got to drop a prowl

and take a dump on the table? How can you soil it? What could you do possibly to soil it? What ideas do they have in their fucking beady minds? I don't know. Talk about RSS feeds.

Dude, I got a fucking abusive relationship with The Walking Dead, speaking of zombies. I'm over it. I feel like an abused boyfriend. Did you ever read the books? I'm tired of them yelling at me.

No, I didn't. The comics were spectacular. Duncan told me they were amazing. What happened was when Frank Darabont left, it just started getting wildly uneven. Oh, he left? Yeah. There was a controversy over the direction or money. I don't remember what it was.

But it had that great Frank Darabont vibe to it at the beginning, you know, with Green Mile, Shawshank. It had that heart to it. Even The Mist was actually a really underrated movie. It was spectacular for a while. And it just, you know... This last ending, though, I mean, I don't want to give away

any spoilers for anybody, but I felt like an abused boyfriend. There was a whole relationship in the books between Michonne and the governor that was fucking amazing that they barely scratched the surface of.

I think she, in the comic book, she nailed the governor's nuts to the floor at one point, if I recall. Like, it was some pretty hardcore shit. You can get away with that in a comic book. Put it on a TV show, and you're going to get people protesting.

Here's the thing, man. Do you see World War Z? Yes. I didn't like it. I just wasn't a fan of it. I liked it. I didn't love it. I liked it.

The problem is they get to the point where the budget is so fucking huge. They got to pay Brad Pitt. He's probably getting points in the back end. So they have that line where it's got to be PG-13. They can't make it R. Right. He's probably getting points in the back end. So they have that line where it's got to be PG-13.

They can't make it R. Right. So the gore on The Walking Dead is ten times gorier and nastier than you would be in the PG-13 movie. The gore on The Walking Dead, though, I really have issues with. I have issues with how easy knives go into heads. Right. First of all. Like butter.

Yeah. Knives go right through foreheads like nothing. The forehead is a fucking tough bone. Yeah. Try stabbing someone in the forehead with a big knife. Yeah. This shit is not easy to get a... Try to get a knife through some bone. Do you know this from personal experience? Yeah.

That would be so gross of a TV show if you actually was like... It was just like extended scenes of trying to put knives through. It's like the stabbing scene in Saving Private Ryan. Show me with a cadaver that you can stick a fucking knife through its head that easy. That's ridiculous. You can't do that. That's fucking hard to do. That's what the favorite internet internet mean is who's mowing the lawn in the walking dead like all the all the grass is cut about their faces they look beautiful the girls always have the same length hair right nobody ever cuts their hair they all have like

a subtle hint of makeup on all it would take is one good shot of a hairy leg and a girl to just be like sold yeah sweat the details just yeah there's no hairy legs this one abused me this last this last episode i see what they're doing like yeah you know what man you're just fucking with me here this isn't necessarily that good it's just dude the show's just drag on to drag on i'm like breaking bad which ended it fucking perfectly it's hard it's hard to fucking keep a show like that going i'm sure you need a defiant creative visionary like somebody who's going to put their foot down and say,

here's what we're fucking doing. You sound like you're pitching Cliffy B. Dude. You're saying like, Cliffy B's ready to step in and take over the walking dead. You need a defiant visionary.

What you need is Cliffy B. Look at a guy like Ken Levine who makes Bioshock Infinite. He's stubborn. Is that a game? Yeah. He's stubborn as fuck.

So let me pitch this to you. Okay. It's an alternate universe. I think it's like 1930 where this guy made a giant floating city called Columbia, and it was basically

a bunch of tea party evangelists went off into the sky and created the utopia that eventually turns into a dystopia, and you go there to find a girl who can create a rift

between dimensions. And there's a robotic George Washington. Yeah. That sounds pretty dope. Dude, it's fucking brilliant. It's one of the best games ever. That sounds pretty dope.

The ending is like Twilight Zone worthy. Really? Yeah, one thing we've been doing late at night, in it's one of the best games ever and the ending is like Twilight Zone worthy like and that's really yeah one thing we've been doing like late at night like in the wee hours in the morning

since I get up at noon every fucking day is we put in the old the blu-rays of the Twilight Zones oh I love them and we're burning through every single one

and they're fucking fantastic they're on sci-fi like almost every night and it's like it's like Shawshank Redemption once it's on you gotta go the distance you gotta watch the whole thing

I watched the the William Shatner one the other day. The Man on a Wing? Oh, my God. It was so good. It was so fun to watch. And then there's one where the astronauts crash land on an alien planet, or they land there, and they find tiny little people. And then this guy becomes like a god.

Oh, shit. You got that? Yeah, I got it before it got in there. The one guy becomes like a god to them, and then You got that? Yeah, I got it before it got in there. The one guy becomes like a god to them, and then at the end of it, it turns out there's another species that's like as big to us as he was to the little people. And then he gets essentially squished. That's hilarious. And they just, in Rod Serling, man, the intros just slay us. Like, they wind up like, you know, zooming over to him, and he's like always smoking.

He's like, you know, sitting in a wingback chair in front of a fucking fireplace imagine if you will well he was so original too when you stop and think about it there really hadn't been anything like that yeah and he was tapping he's tapping into like you know key sci-fi writers of the time right just so much good shit what was that what's that i think it's your laptop okay um just making sure that no but just you know the effects know, they knew what they could show and they knew what they couldn't, so it's very light in effects, the characterization, the sets. Sometimes you can tell it's the same, like, diner they've repurposed 15 different times for the different episodes. Oh, yeah, definitely. It's absolutely brilliant.

The other one with William Schachter where there was, like, the little thing that told the future. Which one was that? There was, like, the little machine. I don't think we've gotten to that one yet. The diner That tells the future Like you know You ask your questions We watched that one yeah

Yeah That was fucking brilliant Yeah you just had This was so good A footage of Bioshock Infinite's Downloadable content Another one I watched recently Was the one with

The puppet That was running the show And they were robbing people And the puppet was doing All the robbing That doesn't ring a bell Yeah it was like The little kid knew That the puppet was That the puppet was actually real the robbing. That doesn't ring a bell. Yeah, it was like the little kid knew that the puppet was actually real,

and the little kid was like ratting on the old man. The puppet set him up. We rewatched the one with the trans-dimensional hole in the wall the little girl goes through. So you go back and rewatch all of those, and so many movies just took the same idea and updated it. There's the one where the guy can hear people's thoughts, and that's what women want,

the Mel Gibson movie, right? Well, that was cool. What was that guy that you just showed, Brian? That guy's face. Yeah, this is from the Bioshock. What was the, go back to that scene with that guy's face. The graphics are, there, that guy. Yeah.

It's so creepy. Sander Cohen. This is amazing. It's actually, did they put it on PC? I don't remember. I played it on console. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I played the DLC on PC, because the only games you would ever play

were PC first-person shooters, right, Joe? Me? Yeah. I only played online, too. I wouldn't play against the game. I'd get bored too easy. Yeah, well, that's, you know, every time I go to an adventure. I want to know there's a human there.

That's Boxhead. Some guy comes up to me and he's like, yo, man, it's all about the multiplayer. And I'm like, it is all about the multiplayer. Yeah. Joe, this is a game that I would highly recommend if you want to play on a computer instead of a console. Oh, this looks amazing. It's one of the best games ever

created. This looks so good. And is this available for Mac too? Yep. I think so. This will waste my day. This looks fun as shit, man. It's really good. God, it's so beautiful. Sky hooks and shit. Yeah. See, the good thing about that is that won't really get me addicted because it's not online

yeah if it was online do they have multiplayer I think so no oh dude look at these zombies badass

yeah the idea is that they're oh they're kids creepy maybe not there's a whole there's a whole well you can go down with a dude it's brilliant wow

is there so much creativity involved in video games these days I had a chance a few years ago uh to bring joss whedon over to e3 and he walked out of there he said i did 15 minutes i just saw more creativity than i've seen in hollywood in years yeah like when you know like when half-life came out i remember thinking really clearly why can't someone make a movie like this like why is the why how come the video game gets to be so cool like can't these same guys figure out how to write a movie like this? Like, why is the, how come the video game gets to be so cool? Like, can't these same guys figure out how to write a movie?

Well, what's going to happen now is, you know, with the advent of YouTube and people being able to create their own content, you know, people can do that and they can put it up online and it can become an online sensation, right? That's how Neil Blomkamp got his start. He did these shorts that he put on YouTube.

It was like Lost in, the one about the robot in Africa, I believe. And then he wound up doing Elysium in District 9. No shit. Yeah, that's how he got founded. Wow, that makes sense. And you can see his style. He was going to do the Halo movie at one point.

Well, so much of creativity is just finding an outlet for it. And when you're talking about something specific about making a film or making a television show, it's so hard to get to that outlet. It's so hard to get to the point where any of your ideas can actually be seen by people. Well, you have the torque

of it being, making the art that you want versus it being a commercial product. Yeah. And will it sell? Well, not only that, actually getting it

to that point. Like, if you want to be a director, Jesus Christ, good fucking luck. Good luck in getting to direct a major motion picture. Yeah.

Like, that's a long ass road like you got to figure out a lot you got to prove yourself to a lot of people along the way it's very difficult because they're especially they're going to trust you know 50 100 200 million dollars and then when you added marketing costs i mean the thing about the gaming industry right now man is like it's fundamentally broken for the consoles because what you have is a disc-based game that then can only come out at 60 and then people trade it in or they just rent it. And then the marketing budgets are trying to outweigh each other. So, you know, a hundred million dollar marketing budget. So you can get on, you know, NBA commercials or

football commercials or Superbowl ads. And then they annualize it. Right. And then, you know, I'm walking around E3 this year and there's some fantastic looking games where I'm like, that's probably not going to make money. That'll barely break even. They'll make money on the sequel. We'll finally start making money when they annualize. Whereas, uh, I'm like, that's probably not going to make money. That'll barely break even. They'll make money on the sequel. They'll finally start making money when they annualize. Whereas I'm a fan of the other way, just developing your community while you develop your game. You have a new concept art, put it up in subreddit. See what people say.

Release a beta. Release an alpha. Let people buy items before you can even play the game. Have you heard about that Chris Roberts Star Citizen game? No. Guy did a Kickstarter, raised 2.5 million, and then he has the ability to essentially buy spaceships

for your space... It's like a dogfighting sim, like Luke Skywalker shit, right? And you can basically buy your ships and your fleet and walk around in your hangar

and sit in your ship. You can't even fly it yet, and they've raised $30 million so far in crowdfunding. Of course they have. Yeah, and it's like... Sounds awesome.

The whole thing's genius, and he's the guy who Wing Commander and I think that you know my whole 10-year rule is like you know the space sims where your dog fighting everything like space is cooler than ever right now one of the cool things about about quake when I was playing quake online all the time so they always put demos out there was always like a new game that was coming out and the demos would be released first and everyone downloaded him for free and everyone got online and then once the game

came out it was like that many more people wanted to buy the game well what they've done well yeah the problem is just getting a game out

takes so much work that like right now I was talking to I believe that's not public knowledge I can't admit that basically

if you're releasing it's friends I don't want to betray their confidence let's call them Santa Claus and Rudolph you want to have a beta what did Santa Claus tell Rudolph an upcoming online shooter you want to have a beta. What does Santa Claus tell Rudolph?

An upcoming online shooter, you want to have a beta before the game comes out. Because if your game's fucked at launch, it takes you two months to fix that going through Sony or Microsoft. And by that time, everybody's traded your game in and they're on to the next Call of Duty. You have to get it right the first time. Do you think we're going to get to a time in our lifetime where someone's going to be able to make a game like this at home on their PC by themselves? Well, at the Spike VGX that they announced

a game called No Man's Sky, which I'm like, that's kind of a cool name, but I'm going to totally mispronounce it as No Man's Guy. Sounds like a shitty

007 movie. Oh yeah, like a Led Zeppelin song or something. No Man's Sky. Dun-dun-dun! It's a space sim that's procedurally generated

and four guys worked on it. It means basically every world is different. It's all just done by code. Wow. Yeah, here we go. Look at this shit.

Four dudes doing this and they gotta be working. The guy said for his previous game he mortgages house for it. That's how much they care. I bet I could sell them Adderall.

So basically what you do is you go from he's exploring this planet he's, he comes out of the water, goes into the forest, hops into a spaceship, flies all the way back out into the atmosphere into space, dogfights with people through asteroids. Wow. And four guys made this. Yeah. I don't know if it's all guys, but four people. Four humans.

Yeah. Let's call them, hey guys, like you would say that even if it was girls, right? Are you allowed to do that still? So this is all just... Have they taken that from us, Cliffy B? The ability to say guys in a room of mixed company? Well, I tweeted, no man's sky wins the title for most misogynistic game title, sarcastically. No man's sky?

Oh, that's funny. And people are like, actually, wouldn't it be feminist because there's no men? I'm like, retweet. And then there's people... I'm in that Uber on the way over here and there's people tweeting me like, you're a fucking idiot. I'm like, sarcasm does not translate well on the internet with these kids sometimes. Well, with some of them. The problem is, there's just so many of them out there.

You're dealing with millions of people. You're bound to hit a few retards every now and again. I'm only at 215 now. You're a million plus now, right? Yeah. Do you even read your ads still? Yeah, I read them. Yeah.

I mean, I can't read all of them. It's not possible. I can't respond. I don't have enough time. But they just want to know you're reading or? Yeah, I read them. I mean, I can't read all of them. It's not possible. I can't respond. I don't have enough time. But they just want to know you're reading or replying to some of them. I try to retweet interesting stuff. And in that way, I think it's been a really positive exchange for me, too. I've gotten a lot out of being connected to people on Twitter because they're always sending me interesting articles and ideas.

And knowing that, I'll retweet them. Because you've trained them. Well, it's a cool thing to do. People like being retweeted. Because you've trained them. Well, it's a cool thing to do. People like being retweeted. It helps them get more followers. And if you're a guy that regularly posts cool shit, you can become like a portal to information. There's a bunch of guys that I follow on Twitter

that are just regular folks with regular jobs. They just like cool shit, and they find your articles, and they tweet them, and then you retweet them. And so we go back and forth all the time. Well, I mean, especially with technological advancements, NSA stuff, all that stuff going on right now. It's like, yeah, I don't want to put my tinfoil hat on, but the more I hear and the more it comes out,

I'm like, fuck, really? The NSA shit, I'm trying to dwell on that as little as possible because it's so negative and it feels so helpless. It's just such a weird thing, the idea that we're like about to relinquish all of our privacy to other individuals that are no different than you or i they're just fucking people yeah and just because they're in some form of government and they're trying to you know keep quote-unquote us safe

yeah how about we examine all your actions that you're doing that you are doing to keep us safe before we let you access our email oh you've been accessing our email for a decade yeah i was working on a a game in Epic that was cancelled, but I was, uh, I'm still under NDA with them, but I don't want to get into too much. That's a non-disclosure agreement, ladies and gentlemen. Some of the things we were googling I know

was setting off a light in the NSA, because, you know, like, as far as, like, a revolution and terrorism and things like that, and it's just, you know, like, some sort of red flag was going off, and it's a post-Patriot Act, man. Yeah, it's a bunch of fucking paranoid people for sure. I mean, if you really stop and think about how few actual terrorist activity you see in America

and how many fucking people are in America, they've done a great job in that respect. Well, that's the difference also between perception, fear. Like, you know, people tell me fly safe. I'm like, fuck off, drive safe. But isn't, when you stop and think about it, I mean, and I'm not advocating in any way, shape, or form that anybody should have access to any of your emails

because I think that's a really ineffective, shitty, bullshit way of trying to protect people just by removing all of their privacy. I think that's a bullshit way to handle it. But if you look at what the job they have done, if there really is a bunch of terrorist activity all over the world, they've done an amazing job of keeping shit from happening in America. I think it's not a black or white case.

I think there's good and bad on both sides. The problem is just a fucking human nature problem. You can't have ultimate power. You can't have it. There's an article, I believe, where they're talking about using people's pornographic habits to shame them for political reasons. Yeah, and they were spying on World of where they're talking about using people's pornographic habits to shame them for political reasons if they need to. Yeah, and they were spying on World of Warcraft players. Come on, you fucks.

Unbelievable. This came out today. Yeah. Well, the other problem is people are willing to give up so much of it. Well, they're doing it because they're being tricked. I mean, that's like saying someone's, you know, willing to suck your dick for cocaine and they don't even know it's aspirin. I mean, it's like you're thinking you're getting some cocaine, and you're getting aspirin. You're like, God, what the fuck happened?

You're not really getting anybody to save you. You're going to die anyway. We're all going to die. We're going to die in car accidents. We're going to die of cancer. We're going to die of being old. It's going to happen. Now you're getting all nihilist on me.

It's going to fucking happen. So what's the point? The idea that you're going to protect all these people from dying because you're going to stop terrorist activity, and the way to do that is to remove all freedom you start you okay what is happy about this life if this life is living scared and living where you're being watched every step of the way always by random people who's going to profit with everything follow you shouldn't be able to profit by that that all should be illegal you shouldn't be able to profit by any protection That all should be illegal. You shouldn't be able to profit by any protection.

It's like private prisons and all that, too. Keeping people alive and healthy. You shouldn't be able to profit over that. Police and everything should be non-profit. The idea that they have a giant budget and these people get to make big salaries. Or doing donations to charities. Do your homework with how much of the money

actually goes to the cause versus, quote, raising awareness versus what the CEO of the non-profit makes all of that like reddit listed out a list of a bunch of them at one point like that goodwill is basically like just selling all your clothes for money and things like that just like crazy there's a bunch of shit that gets done in this country that should get done by paypal like paypal donations like that's what the presidency that's what the government should get. Like PayPal donations. We think you're doing a good job, we give you a nice tip. And then that's how you keep the society running.

And the only way you ever get paid is if people like what you're doing and they choose to donate. And they donate what they can. And we make it like, you know, everybody's proud. Just like people are proud to serve in the military, people are proud to donate to the to the government yep donate not steal all my money you fucks i say support the troops because if you

get my ass isn't getting shot at but yeah absolutely but if you think about like the idea of donating to the government it's actually probably a pretty good idea because you would only want to donate to things that you believed in you would only want to donate to things that you felt actually fit for the good of the people so the people in the community would decide like what's good and what's bad and that's how things would get voted on a kickstarter like right yeah it's just i think this it's probably a stupid idea because it's too much shit or people will say like the one percent will control everything because they donate the most money for their whatever their interests are yeah of course is which is basically what what's going on right now we'd have to keep corporations

from doing it only make individuals do it. You know, the problem is it's almost like a game where you start off and it's already 1,000 to zero. You're never going to catch up. The game is five minutes long. You're never going to catch up. You started off with this massive deficit. If you grow up in the United States and you're trying to do anything where you're trying to govern people or control wealth or, you know, the amount of fucking momentum that's already been put in the other direction is so crazy. I trace my own personal success back to the fact that my family was middle class. My dad worked for Polaroid.

And the fact that they had an extra like two grand to buy an Apple II. Like that was the jump off point right there. And I took to that thing like a had an extra, like, two grand to buy an Apple II. Like, that was the jump-off point right there. And I took to that thing like a fish to water. It was originally supposed to be for my brother, and I just— Did you steal it? No, I just started using it, and he wasn't using it. He was too busy chasing pussy at the time. Bow-chicka-bow-bow!

Yeah, he actually founded SBNation.com and, like, Polygon and all that. You know, he's done well on his own, right? But anyway, that's not the point. So you got into that just from one purchase that your parents were able to make i used to take my brother's eight track and pretend it was a computer because i wanted a computer so fucking bad listening to like fucking holland oats and all that you used to pretend it was a computer yeah that's hilarious yeah wow so you like you've had a pull towards computers i just i've i've had a technology boner since I was a kid. I love technology.

Do you have a background, any educational background? I went to Cal Poly Pomona for six months and I dropped out. I hated it. I dropped out when Jazz Jackrabbits started making enough money. That was the first successful game I did. Got me my first car, which was a 99's Red Saturn. Got me my first apartment over outside Pomona.

Also, my mom wouldn't run the air conditioning. We were over in Laverne and it'd be like summer, like 120 degrees. She's like, she'd be like, open a window, Cliff. And I'm like, it's like opening a fucking oven. Like it's not doing anything. God, that's hot as fuck. Yeah. Now, when you, when you get into it as a video game designer, right. Do you, what kind of technological knowledge do you have to have? Do you just have ideas? And they said like, this is how I'd like the game to play. This is what I would like to happen. You start off with verbs.

Like, what are the verbs that you're doing in this game? Are you kicking, punching, fighting, exploring, right? Like, figure out what type of thing you're going to make. And for me, you know, I've always, guns are easy. And that's why everything I've ever made pretty much has a gun in it. You know, if I get back to making games, I'm not going to make, like, a polar bear fighting simulator. It's very boring when you have a video game and you can't shoot somebody.

It's our way of interacting. It's touching. Baddies are coming. Shooting people in the face at 60 frames a second through iron sights will always be fun. Especially when it's somebody who's your friend or online, a random person. I was just attracted to it.

I made my first game, a little adventure game, when I was 11. I started cranking. When all the kids were partying in high school, I was sitting at home and working on games. Yeah. Yeah. I had my 20th high school reunion recently, by the way. Wow. What was that like? You know, I didn't know what to expect going into it, but everyone was really fucking cool.

Oh, that's nice. You know, and I'm not Mark Zuckerberg, but some of them were making little comments and jokes. And I'm like, look, guys, I mean, I did okay, but I didn't fly here in a fucking private jet. Calm down. Did you get involved? But you need to get marijuana in your life. I was in Boston. Remember, I'm from Boston.

Yeah, that's a harsh place. It was the suburbs. It's North Andover. It's super cute up there. What were you saying? Did you get an Oculus Rift? Yeah, I'm actually an investor in it. Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm going out there on Wednesday to see. Apparently, they have some really good breakthroughs they've gotten. Did you see the jerk-off breakthrough? No. They have an Oculus Rift attached to a jerk-off machine? Oh, yeah, yeah. The Japanese guy was using it right there. They don't want to talk too much about the whole porn thing.

How dare they? How dare they not know the truth? Porn drives technology, as you know. Yeah, but that's really going to drive technology, because everybody sees the writing on the wall. What we were talking about a little bit before we got online here was, did you see Don John? Don John.

Yeah, it's the, what's his name from, Joseph Gordon-Levitt wrote and directed it, Scarlett Johansson. How long ago? Oh, no, I didn't see it. It's a great movie. It looked really funny. His whole thing is, like, he's basically addicted to online porn, and, like, he finally beds addicted to online porn. And like,

he finally beds the character of Scarlett Johansson, who's gorgeous and immediately goes out to his laptop to run one out. And it starts off with like his laptop booting up sound. He's like, just the sound of that makes my cock rock hard. And he's going on about all the porn he likes and everything. And I read, there was a story I read online.

I was talking about real life Don Johns, guys who've become so addicted to how good modern pornography is that they get ED and they can't get it up. And so what happens is there's a younger generation of young dudes because apparently each we start looking for is 10. That's when you start looking for porn? That's the average young dude right now. How about girls?

I don't know, actually. They didn't mention girls too much. Maybe they start reading Fifty Shades of Grey at an early age or Flowers in the Attic. Fifty Shades of Grey is more for a gal who's been working for ten years and has kind of given up on excitement. Yeah, my wife read it. She said it was just kind of dumb.

It's supposed to be pretty stupid. Yeah. I'm just talking shit. I don't know. Well, so back to the porn thing is that, and so they found the older generation guys from their 30s who have that problem with ED from too much porn. They can bounce back in a couple months,

but the kids take so long, and the reason why is when we were young, we'd have to find our brother's hustler underneath their bed or whatever, right? We had analog porn. Right now, on your phone, you could just watch super slow-mo whatever, the most filthiest shit imaginable. Especially my phone. Look at that screen, you sexy

bitch. That's fucking huge. It's either a really small Joe Rogan or a really big phone. It's a Note 3. Nice. I'm a droid guy. The S3 is fucking terrible. The S4 apparently fixes all the problems. S4 is nice.

I've played with that. I almost got that. I got this instead because I'm just greedy. Everyone's like, why don't you get an iPhone? I'm like, I refuse to fully drink the Apple Kool-Aid.

It's good to stay away a little bit just in case the Apple falls apart. Yeah. You still have options. My wife has the iPhone. I have the Droid. I can see the best of both worlds. And nine times out of ten, the app, like if there's an app that's on the iPhone and there's

an app that's on the Droid, the Droid one just barely works. Barely works. It just fucking fully did. That's the problem. Their Instagram's terrible. Yeah. It's so clunky. I used, God, I got the shit at my house.

I'm addicted to apps in my house. I got the Hue. Have you seen that? No. Basically, it replaces your light bulbs with these LEDs. Oh, yeah,

we have. Oh, Brian bought it. Yeah, we have it here. We just never installed it. And so, fucking, then I have the, what's the Nest,

which controls your HVAC from your phone. So I'll wake up, I'm a little warm in the morning, go to my phone, lower the air conditioning temperature, and then it learns throughout the week.

And then Nest just is introducing a thermostat that I got also, where you can basically... It's a smoke detector, actually. And instead of just going... Like right off the bat, it just goes... When it gets a slight puff of smoke, it's like, oh, small smoke detected, right? And then if it says it, yeah, and then you can just wave it away.

As opposed to scaring the shit out of your dog, right? And then if there's more smoke, then it eventually builds to full alarm. So what these guys are doing over there is essentially taking all these, like, I wouldn't say apps, these utilities that people just didn't think about improving them, and they're appifying them, they're making them work, and they're just brilliant. Yeah, they're great. It also has carbon dioxide or whatever. Minoxide.

Deoxide. Carbon dioxide detector. Just slow down and think about what you're saying right before you say it. Minoxide. Deoxide. Carbon dioxide detector. Just slow down and think about what you're saying right before you say it. And you can get through it. But yeah, man, it's technology.

I just, like, we have a 3D printer at the house. We got the Rift. I got the... Oh, you have a 3D printer? Yeah. What do you print in it? I got it for...

That's what I was saying. I got to print custom butt plugs for all my buddies for Christmas. Wow, that's sweet. Yeah, my wife printed a 3D Halo pistol. She basically had to print every single part and just assemble the whole damn thing. And it's like life-size. And it heats the plastic and then it just basically does it bit by bit.

And you can download things from thingiverse.com. And they're also going to be able to do it with metal, right? Yeah. This is just like plastic. Gun control will be a thing of the past that's weird there's a guy right now who made up we made a plastic gun that could fire uh the first one round then several rounds and the data you can't you can once the data's out there the genie's out of the bottle you know it's like i say about about trying to delete a tweet it's like trying to suck a fart back in your ass it just doesn't work that way

and so you'd be more successful sucking a fart back in your ass no fair i think if you worked on it for years if you had a good prolapse you could probably there's things that people can do that would shock you yeah like pussy pussy farts on a microphone people can do man people some people have special gifts when i'm on a plane it seems like i fart and it sucks back in like it does it for like hours on end yeah not to your neighbor you fuck yeah dude sitting there going you smell smell it. You're shitting on this guy. Well, I made the mistake of going from American to Delta one time.

An American has these seats that absorb the farts. It's like cloth, but in Delta, it's like this kind of rubbery thing, and so the fart just hits it and goes fucking straight up.

It would be a very smart move to develop some sort of a fart-free airplane. Well, somebody made underwear that has some special filter that... Yeah, carbon filter. Yeah.

That's not going to work on Joey Diaz. I got news for you. I wrote a blog once about a fart that he took on a plane. I was next to him, and I was writing, and he was lying there with his hands on his stomach. And I saw him lift up. He adjusted his weight. And before it was too late, it had hit me like a truck.

Like a zombie fart. Like a truck. And And I had headphones on I was listening to music And over the music I heard the woman behind me go Oh my god It was so loud She goes Oh my god Dude Her farts are always fucking funny

But it was so bad i had to put my shirt over my face i had to duck down i was on a plane once and a dude farted on melanie griffin's head this is how it worked i was on a plane and i was flying from new york to london and it's a long flight and when we were on the it was actually LA to London and when we were on the plane Melanie Griffin lied down she went to sleep her thing extends and this guy lied down and he went to sleep

and he was a fat guy and if there's a fart on a plane you always look to the fat guy just the way it is everybody does I got fucking crop dusted at sleep No More in New York City recently. You ever hear about that show? So Melanie Griffith's head.

Oh, yeah. Hold on a second. Melanie Griffith's head and this guy's ass were three feet away from each other. He was turned sideways with his ass facing her. She was turned sideways with her face facing his ass in perfect alignment, just a few feet apart. How does that even happen? Perfect alignment, just a few feet apart. How does that even happen?

If you ever thought in the universe, when you were watching a movie with Melanie Griffin, that one day, I'm going to get to fart in her face. Her face is going to be three feet away. And I'm just going to open up on her face. Her little curly hair kind of moves in the breeze. It was weird to see, because I was awake. Did you see her wake up? She moved. She did something.

It was like Inception, where she did shoes in like a sewage bin or something. It was a horrible fart. Oh, I can't... The guy opened it on her. I can't say it. The proximity is so strange. That's power. I mean, how much would it cost to say like Melanie Griffin?

There's a guy. He's weird. You know, he's a nice guy, but he wants to fart in your face. He's willing to give you $5 million. He's Brazilian. How much would you have to pay her to fart in her face he's willing to give you five million dollars he's probably he's Brazilian how much how much would you have to pay her to fart in her face me mosh took one for nothing right in the mug three feet away it's a guy's opened on her you think he knew oh he farted hard dude there's no

way like pushing he wasn't asleep it either he had been moving around a lot before he cut that fart you know probably had he probably had an upset stomach. Oh. There's something about the pressure change, too. It's about people just like to fart. I think if you're around people, they just fart. Most of the time, people hold it in until no one's around. But when you get in a plane, it's 11 hours. You're like, fuck it.

Melanie's got to suffer. I fucking love farting in elevators. Do you? How dare you? I'm that guy. That's terrible. I'm living in a condo right now. Some of my neighbors don't like me, and so I just like walking the dogs. Why don't your neighbors like you? How dare you? I'm that guy. That's terrible. I'm living in a condo right now. Some of my neighbors don't like me,

and so I just like walking the dogs. Why don't your neighbors like you? I installed, okay, so here's the deal. I'm living in a condo right now, and I bought the condo next door, and I cut a hole in the wall. And so then in that condo, I put in like a theater room,

and then I put in a 450-gallon hot tub. You can see where this is going. In the condo, so you're so you're having parties yeah well so i was building basically the ultimate pussy palace right when the love of my life showed up like right when they finished the final bit of tile and i was gonna be like i'm gonna be a bachelor this is gonna be great boom my dream girl appears and i'm like oh well that was fun and so then uh when i had the tub installed i didn't have an overflow valve installed oh Oh, Jesus. And this was during crunch time, I think, three or four years ago. Oh, Jesus.

And I left the water on. Oh, Jesus. Stop. Stop now. Yeah, I went to dinner, and the three condos beneath me flooded. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And one lawsuit later with my HOA, which is still pending.

It's been an interesting journey, needless to say. It had a star ceiling. It's still pending? Yeah, we're working on coming to terms for it, so I don't want to get into the details. But I had a star ceiling. The tub filled from the ceiling. And so imagine how the guy below me felt. It was like a fucking freight train when I was filling the tub.

Oh, dude. That's so crazy. Yeah. How much was the total damage? $80,000. That seems cheap. Yeah. Seems like was the total damage? $80,000. That seems cheap. Yeah. Seems like it would be a lot more than that.

Yeah, if it was L.A., it would have been. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably what it is, right? Yeah. L.A. would be a million. Yeah, a couple million. I was thinking millions. Yeah, that seems like a lot of money.

But, yeah, it's so... I mean, we bought a house, so we're going to be renovating, and we're going to be moving up there, so... Carolina's pretty fucking awesome. $80,000. Dude, yeah. Let's go That's the move really

To get out of here It really is the move The only thing that would suffer Would be the podcast guests You wouldn't get as many Cool guests We have a direct flight Finally

Yeah but I'm not Flying back and forth From fucking North Carolina Oh I know If you live there You live there And the other thing Would be flying to gigs

Yeah But it's a better move man I envy you It's a better move I mean Cause it's not a backwoods town. Raleigh's a great town. Great restaurants. Ken Levine can build Bioshock Infinite in Quincy,

Massachusetts. You know? I mean, come on, man. Dude, what is that one restaurant that you guys have? That fucking insane barbecue place. Uh, The Pit? Yes. Yeah. Holy shit, is that place good. That's where all the celebs go, yeah. All the celebs. How dare you? Yeah. We're just talking about food here, man. Why'd you have to go there? I don't know. All the celebs go there. That's the celebs. How dare you? Yeah. We're just talking about food here, man. Why'd you have to go there?

I don't know. All the celebs go there. That's where Joe Rogan goes. It's delicious food, man. Dude, there's like, how many restaurants are there in the area? Like, it's fucking exploded. Yeah, there's a lot of restaurants there. We noticed that when we were back there.

But that pit place. A lot of great walkable spots now. Like, we just, you know, take our bikes around and shit. And it's just fun, you know? So, it's... It's not too many people. That's what it is. Dude, you spend $400,000 for a house out there?

Forget it. You're good. It's great. You can get a great house in Apex for $200,000. Wow. It's just unreal. I was talking to my brother who lives in Orange where you can get a starter house for $800,000, and it's just fucking California, man.

We briefly considered moving out here, and I looked at the real estate and I'm like, I cannot justify any of this. It's ridiculous. It's a ridiculous place. If you're going to live in LA, it's like we poked around in Hidden Hills, which was beautiful, but you still can't go to Santa Monica or Beverly Hills

for dinner. You just can't. You can. You just got to go over the hill. Go over Topanga. Get a fucking chopper. Topanga Canyon's not bad. Yeah.

Everybody once gets silly and try to go over the 405. The 405, it could be 2 o'clock in the afternoon, 2 o'clock in the morning. It doesn't matter. It's a fucking parking lot. Yeah. You can always run into packed. They were doing construction on it the other day.

It was really late at night. My driver over here was saying Obama came through and just like right when he got to town was right when everyone was going to work. And right when he left was when everyone was leaving work. And it's just everything shut down. Really? Yeah. Well, when I was there, it wasn't that. It was just they were doing construction

and they had narrowed it down and at fucking two o'clock in the morning, it was just bumper to bumper traffic. No getting away. That's why you get Waze. It's the best. They were acquired by Google for like a billion. It's just a brilliant app.

He eases paying profits. Yeah. And that's that simple. I don't want to let it slip, Joe. Did you ever hear about Sleep No More? What is Sleep No More? It's if next time you're in New York, fucking go. It is this interactive theater.

Bear with me. It's got this like 1930s kind of speakeasy vibe about it. And it's essentially a retelling of Macbeth in the setting of this old hotel. And the actors all act around you. Everyone has to wear a mask who's not an actor, and you're not allowed to talk the whole time. And we found Lady Macbeth after this dinner scene, and she was losing her shit, and she strips down

and starts trying to wash the blood off of her hands in a tub right in front of you. And one of my buddies actually wound up interacting and sponge- sponge bathing the girl like it's fucking there's like you know there's a bellhop there who's like hooking up with everybody um they don't they're not gonna find a lot of images or videos of the experience because it's very low-key they're i think they're actually bringing it to la is what uh one of my friends told me the other day just just go we went twice the second time was an entirely different experience

and you're just you know there's like candy shop there. You can just dig in and eat the candy. There's little letters and notes that are part of the fiction that you can solve yourself. It's almost like a video game. That sounds incredible. It's not like one of those crazy-ass, scary haunted house type things. It's not scary. It's just cool. And you feel like... Our first experience, we came into this room.

It looks like a World War I type of hospital setup. There's like a nun nurse who's looking very despondent. And war one type of uh hospital setup there's like a a nun nurse who's looking very despondent and she goes up to the window where there's like this fake forest they made which is convincing enough you hear crickets and everything and she just jumps out the window and starts running through the forest i look over my wife grab her hand we just like jump out the window and just start following her and find where she goes and like a whole tableau played out in front of us it's fucking phenomenal and it's not like not a lot of people know about

it for some reason but tickets aren't that expensive You know you go there it opens at a speakeasy. There's people who are actors and in character playing their parts You know that sounds fun. It's fucking cool, man That sounds really and there's like secret passages and shit We were there was one actress who was uh sitting there playing out a tableau on a sofa and there's one lady who stood in front of her with a mask on and she grabbed the lady's hand and pulled her into this like closet and I went to follow when the door was locked and they had this some sort of one-on-one encounter with the actress like one of during the dinner scene they were all dancing and one of the actresses grabbed there's one of the guys with the mask on who was a participant

just started ballroom dancing with him just like cool shit man wow that's pretty badass everyone respects it people aren't dicks you know like nobody talks it's just cool it's over in chelsea i can't recommend it enough. That sounds really cool. How long do you think it's going to be before someone creates some really badass artificial environment for the Rift? Some really incredible World of Warcraft type places? The thing is, the biggest mistake with the Rift was putting Doom 3 and Team Fortress on it. Why is that?

Because their games are not made for VR. The pacing of a VR game and the screen bob and the amount the gun moves and everything, that can contribute to nausea. You need to make a scuba diving sim or a space dog fighting sim, that kind of thing. Or a Myst-like game where you're

exploring the island. The pacing's got to be a lot slower. It's like when Bungie put first-person shooters on consoles, you couldn't have first-person shooters on consoles. You couldn't have the Quake 3 UT pacing. They had, you know, Master Chief jumped very, very slowly. You know, he didn't run incredibly fast, right? And people, like, took, you know, half a clip to take down.

That's how they designed the game for the console controller, right? It's the same thing for the Rift. And I think, you know, all porn jokes aside, man, like, you know, in that one simulator where I sat there and looked down and saw my little virtual legs and I could see that I was in a spaceship and I looked around I was like boom and I even when I saw the early version of this I'm like I want in on this I want to invest on it because uh the thought if you probably haven't seen the high res have you no if you ever want

to make it out to Orange County I can make an intro and you can check out the latest stuff yeah I got the low res uh development unit or and it's fun just sitting there playing with butterflies and stuff like that but I I could see where I got sick just walking around. I had to sit down. They believe right now that the seated VR experience is the ideal one. Somebody made this one demo. And they're

crowdsourcing their killer app, essentially. They're just having all the developers who help solve all the problems, which is fucking brilliant. This one app where you have to keep your hands on your keyboard and not move your hands and first a fly comes out and because you're sitting at a desk and it starts bugging you and then all of a sudden like thousands of flies start like going around and the 3d audio is fantastic and so you know the whole idea is like you want to itch yourself because that little thing goes off in your head about the bugs right then a velociraptor comes into the room and just starts screaming in your face and then uh something

i think oh then then a spider starts crawling up your little virtual arm and like see then you can hear it like chewing on your ear and shit you can probably find it on youtube i don't remember what the fucking thing was called but that's the kind of cool stuff that they're doing right wow but yeah that's uh you know they solved a lot of the vr issues with just field of view and they keep cracking that problem by peeling away that that onion of what vr is and uh sooner or later they're going to fully crack it. And when you see the Unreal Engine 4 demo and that shit, and there's this hell knight that's like 8 feet tall and stands in front

of you, I mean, you're ass puckers. You can't help it. You know, when the snowflakes are falling and you stick out your tongue, you want to catch them. It's pretty damn convincing. That's why I'm more excited for things like the Rift than I am about next-gen consoles. It's like, yeah, it's new consoles, and they're cool, and they're better. I can hopefully finally just only have one input.

But at the same time, there's not a lot of great games right now. Do you think that it would be possible to do Unreal, to port Unreal over to that? Well, my last words when I left Epic, because I gave the whole speech, was to...

Coffees for closers? Yeah, yeah. ABC. I watch that speech about once every six months, man. When he pulls out the fucking brass balls. I told him Coffee's for closers? Yeah, yeah. ABC. I watch that speak about once every six months, man. When he pulls out the fucking brass balls. I told him

reboot Unreal or Unreal Tournament especially the first Unreal in Unreal Engine 4 because the idea for that game was fucking golden. It's like, oh, it's the Bermuda Triangle

of the galaxy so you can do whatever the hell you want. And the thing that we lost about that game was it was just as much about exploration and like a sense of wonder was it was just as much about exploration and, like, a sense of wonder

as it was about the combat. You know, it felt mysterious, you know? You had the giant hubs and everything. It had a little bit of, like... I told them if they redo it, it would be essentially sci-fi rim. You know, Skyrim, that game? Yeah.

To essentially do, you know, that, but sci-fi, right? It'd be fucking... They'd crush it. Unreal was a fun game, man. It was really, really exciting when it came out. The first time you had to do battle with that crazy dreadlock thing. Yeah, that was my whole sequence I designed that one. That was hell developing, that game.

Was it? Yeah, we were in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, which is like a college town, but it didn't have the fun college town benefits of cool, shitty bars that I saw. And I didn't drink back then anyway. I didn't start drinking when I was like 25. And I basically had to spend a year on and off up there from Southern California and we were just all up at Digital Extremes

working on that game. I actually, talking to all the people who worked on it, it was our NAMM or something. We were 16 plus hours a day, man, eating the local fast food. It was fucking horrible. This was before internet porn, too, so I'd actually go to the Quickie Mart

and I'd pick up those swank and all those raunchy-ass magazines. Good times, dude. Good times. When I left the apartment complex they had rented for us, there was a pile of porno magazines that must have been like,

there were like a thousand of them, and I just left them there for the landlord to deal with. Yeah, that used to be the only way you could get porn. You had to buy it and you had to step up like a man. I never found my dad's stash. Never? Ever. Yeah, I found mine. After he died

my mom confirmed it and he always had those porno mags and I'm like, fuck, where were they? He must have had like some porno dungeon or something. Probably had a locker. Yeah. Probably kept them somewhere. Yeah. Away from prying eyes. He didn't have a sanctuary maybe he had like a special hollowed out log he kept in the woods go out there it's always in the woods in the middle of the night look around but you ever find i found some porn in the woods i did

a something awful thread about that a while back that like everybody every young man in america you you found growing up here you found and i always said it was it was always swank or the raunchy ass ones it was never like play said, it was always swank or the raunchy-ass ones. It was never like Playboy. Yeah, it was always Sherry. Yeah. Dude, somehow the subject of blondage came up the other day. I was chatting with some friends.

Blondage? Blondage. Do you remember Janine Lindemulder, the porn star? Yes. She did this whole stripping act with Julia Ann where it was just like... You know too much. It was in the 90s. You know too much.

Listen to what you're saying. Fair enough. Well, my point is Have you seen Janine lately? No Brian can you Google that? Why? Yeah I'm trying to get this

Computed Well cause she was in the cover Of the Blink-182 album Remember she had the nurse thing She looked great And she was gorgeous Oh yes I have She's homeless now

Yeah she's just I mean Oh no don't Don't throw it then I don't wanna say it I don't wanna make fun of the girl No I just It's sad man

Yeah It's hard out there It's a rough business It's hard out there For porn actresses I don't want to say it. I don't want to make fun of the girl. No, it's sad, man. Yeah. It's hard out there. It's a rough business. It's hard out there for porn actresses. Here's that Oculus Rift thing that you were talking about with the spider crawling here. This is wild, man. Hey, Brian, what is this thing that this computer is doing at the bottom? What?

It's like this little bubble that's telling me everything in Mac OS X. It's like voiceover or something like that. I don't know what it is. What's that? It's accessibility. It's probably in your general settings. You probably hit it when you... How the fuck did I do that?

Wait, what? Find out what the setting is for that. It's that wheelchair or something in the settings. It's your Mac imploding after you spilled your drink on it. Can't be that. That doesn't happen. I don't see that the settings. It's your Mac imploding after you spilled your drink on it. Can't be that. That doesn't happen. I don't see that wheelchair settings. What is that? Accessibility?

Where the fuck is that? Probably at the top. I guarantee there's a hotkey for it. Yeah, there's probably a hotkey on your keyboard also. I do not see accessibility in any of these options. Users? Parent parental controls? No.

Find out where it is, man. This is ridiculous. I'm still on PC. Do you really? Yeah, well, so we got those, and I'm in no way fucking affiliated, but we got the Razer Blade laptops, and normally when you get a PC, the amount of OEM bullshit on there. I found it. I found accessibility.

You buy the thing, and there's like 8 million Hewlett-Packard desktop manager and all sorts of shit, and the computer just runs terribly, and you just reformat the damn thing. But this thing had three icons on the desktop, like none of that bullshit. Here's the flies flying around. That does look fucking crazy.

And the 5.1 is what sells it. The Velociraptor's what sells it the Velociraptor's not the most convincing Velociraptor no what do you find when you're talking about like a good PC build

for a laptop like what what is a a company that you go to that has like the same kind of quality that Apple has well

hun what'd you use was it ibuypower.com and you had you had bad luck with it yeah I'm honestly when we get around to like building it

I'm gonna just use the wisdom of the crowd and see what the Twitterverse says. So you're going to build your own laptop? So when you buy laptops... I'm going to go to the place where I can customize it and then they ship it to my house. I'm not going to... Like a Falcon Northwest type of deal or Alienware?

Like a real hardcore desktop PC, right? I'm eventually going to go... I mean, just on the laptop right now, but when you want to do some serious gaming. I can play League of Legends on it, but when it comes down to go. I mean, just on the laptop right now, but when you want to do some serious gaming. Like, I can play League of Legends on it, but, you know, when it comes down to first-person shooters, I play the Bioshock Infinite DLC on my Razorblade laptop, and it's just, like, the keys are too small

for the good WASD movement. Right. You know, my fucking big fat fingers, I'm, like, accidentally hitting the wrong buttons at the wrong time. You make me want to play games, man. I want to do it. You've seen that League of Legends,

and the fact that they had their championship, and they filled the Staples Center like that game is so big that they basically had a sporting event wait a minute they how long has this game been out it's been out a few years and they filled the fucking yeah it's a basically this top-down strategy game and with all these unique characters and like insane and there's not even as much of a single player component to the game. It's more of a

multiplayer or strategy game and people cosplay for it. They dress up as all the crazy awesome characters. Yeah, there it is at the stable center.

How many of you guys see some of the hype videos for the performance? How many of you guys know that Wes Ball is... I think it was a

couple Korean kids wound up winning. This is insane. Look at the size of that fucking crowd there to watch people play games. Free to play game. How much did they pay to get in there to watch people play a game? I don't know how much it was for

tickets for that. Everyone's cheering and shit. Dude, it's... Wow, we're in a movie. Right? We're in a movie. And so that game was pitched at EA years ago

and EA basically laughed them out of the room and now they're just crushing it. They're hiring like everybody, all the developers in LA and like they make

these awesome cinematics also to support their kind of what the IP is and what the universe is and they have crazy characters. Like I'm playing as this like little girl

who has like she can pirate telekinesis or whatever you know, fire starter shit and she has this like girl who has like, she can pirate, tell a kinesis or whatever, fire starter shit, and she has this little bear with her, a little stuffed bear, and through magic, the bear becomes giant flaming and attacks people. It's an incredibly deep game.

Everybody has a giant stiffy for the concept of esports now. They want to make an esport game. It's like, dude, you have to make a great airtight game first before you could ever consider even doing that. But I mean, it's... Beautiful graphics. Oh, it's got that just beautiful art style, right?

And I think they're about to move into a new facility. They've got to be up to like 400 or 500 people easy. God damn it. It's a whole genre. They call it the MOBA. It's like, what was it? Online Battle Arena. And that whole genre is just huge these days i just can't i'm still a shooter guy they can yeah i am as well i can tell you if i if i'm able to get a studio

going uh i want to make a pc shooter like that's like let sony and microsoft fight it out for the next few years and you know the the pc you know you know as well as i do joe community is everything right like so much of it is like your own religion, your own brand. The PC is where the community gathers for Reddit, for YouTube videos, for everything. And you can have some of that. They're working on it with consoles, but the PC is not going anywhere. Well, you know what? You can't fuck with the accuracy of the mouse.

You just can't. They tried. I've seen all those other things. I've fucked with them. They can't they tried I've seen all those other things I fucked with them They can't mess with a really good mouse and keyboard is just such precise movement the way you can move around You get that muscle memory and you're just popping off headshots. I mean, it's I mean especially getting a little older gets a little harder But it's uh, it's fucking awesome and like that type of thing translating to pro is just compelling to me Yeah, people like I've had conversations with people that i can't believe you were addicted to games you're so

stupid i mean you could you know it's just a story that somebody wrote i don't think you get it like when you're playing multiplayer what you're doing is you're engaged in this fast twitch very realistic hyper sensate sensation filled experience it's good for you and in the of your head, your brain's compiling the code of the day. Listen, this guy says it's good for you. He sounds like a crack dealer. The first one's free. You're a dealer, Clippy B. This is one of their awesome cinematics they put out for the game.

It's just like where you kind of get to know that gambit-looking guy. Wow, that's badass. Fucking awesome graphics, man. And that's Wes Borland. He's in the game, right? Because it looks like him. It looks like one of the outfits that he wears. Who?

Wes Borland, the guy from Limp Bizkit. That badass bass player. Guitar player. Whatever it is. Wooden things. So a lot of people right now are trying to get into that whole thing with that genre. And they're just like, dude, at that point, Blizzard's coming out with a game in the genre. And Blizzard, I think, is going to have a shot at doing well.

But everybody else is like, nah, dude. Wow. Yeah. If you're the fifth one in, then you're going to wind up being like the D-list cola to Pepsi and Coke and all that. If you could figure out a way to use an omnidirectional, like one of those circular treadmills, an omnidirectional, like one of those circular treadmills, and a really good, accurate gun that you actually hold and carry with a strap that you put over your shoulder. They have that, dude.

Do they really have something really good, though, like a real good game? Well, they haven't made a game for you. It's called the Omni. I got to use it at Comic-Con. And what it does is essentially you're strapped into your waist, and you don't go anywhere, and it's a super slippery floor. That's kind of a bowl, and you put on these special shoes that are super slick. And if you weren't strapped and it's a super slippery floor that's kind of a bowl and you put on these special shoes that are super slick and if you didn't if you weren't strapped in you'd fall

fall right over but because you're strapped in you have the illusion of walking and i was full and running on the thing playing half-life 2 um again the problem with that was the pacing of half-life 2 is done for a person who just holds wasd and whips their mouse around yeah and if you just try and dump it on the rift with the Omni, it's an exhausting experience where you're lucky to get three kills. There it is. Sounds like someone's a pussy. There it is.

Look, fucking get in shape and chafe out. This is awesome. This is what I need in my life. This would change me. This kind of shit will fucking change me. That's a workout, man. I would get in some wicked shape doing that. They did a Kickstarter for that and they raised a bunch of money.

Oh, man. Where do I put away my credit card information? That's fucking badass, man. I love it. Yeah, and it only takes up a small footprint in your room, right? So it's cool, man. Right now, for the time being, I think seated VR is the way to go until they solve all the problems. It's like walk before you run.

Let's figure out just regular VR. Fuck that. I want to run. I want to run with a gun. Let's do this. What are you saying? I'm not falling over, bitch. You might fall over. I'm not going to fall over. No, no. When you have those goggles on, I was just trying to grab a butterfly at one point. I'm like, whoa, you lose yourself

because it's kind of like it tricks your mind into thinking you're actually in there. It's disorienting. The low-res one has a screen door type look on it. The high-res one, it's great. The technology is only going to get lighter. It's going to get better, faster, the whole nine yards. It makes sense that at this stage of the game

that they would come up with something like that. Well, VR was supposed to be the big thing in the 90s, right? Remember Lawnmower Man and all that? Yeah, that's right, Lawnmower Man. I thought the graphics in the movie were so awesome and they don't hold up at all. Lawnmower Man? That's right, Lawnmower Man. I thought the graphics in the movie were so awesome and they don't hold up at all. Lawnmower Man is another one of those Stephen King books that became like, uh,

an okay movie. But god damn, that book was badass. I never actually read the book. It's fucking great. I mean, because there's the whole William Gibson cyberpunk thing, and it's like, dude, do you know how many years it's been since The Matrix? I think it was 98, 99? Yeah.

And the sequels never happened. Well, the sequels that did happen are terrible. Yeah. What is, who is this? Doug Benson. Doug Benson, that's right. He was so stoned, and he was, like, getting sick on it. Dude, you saw the viral video of the little old lady who put it on?

Yeah. And she's just like, wow, made CNN and everything. She's like, did you go to Tuscany to make this? And all this stuff. Tuscany? Because they have like, did you go to Tuscany to make this and all this stuff? Tuscany? Because they have a demo where you're in Tuscany, right? It's just virtual reality stuff. But she was so convincing to her.

It's like, think about just the non-gaming applications of this shit. Imagine if you have a travel app where you could just go and experience Venice or Tuscany or whatever, right? That kind of thing for virtual tourism, right? Well, that's going to be what movies are. You're not going to go to a movie and sit in front of a screen like a dummy. Well, not everybody can afford to have a theater room or a big TV. So imagine if you're like a college kid and you want to watch a movie in IMAX. You put this on, and they actually have a theater demo

where you can look around and see the seats next to you. And there's a big screen in front of you, and you feel like you're at an IMAX. I could totally see that, and I could see you there's a big screen in front of you and it's you feel like you're at an imax i could totally see that and i could see like you being in a virtual reality where you're in a movie theater watching a movie and everything goes horribly wrong and you look around the theater and you see zombies and werewolves and shit i could imagine they could make a pretty goddamn immersive experience i knew a guy who's making a game for the rift and uh his demo was basically that you're

sitting on a sofa playing a video game on your TV in the virtual environment and then weird shit in your fake living room and then it's like a dark stormy night and then weird shit starts happening all around you. That would be dope as fuck if they had a theater where you're sitting there in your seat and in the

theater your seat goes down into the floor and out pops an omni directional track like that thing whatever the fuck treadmill on mill omni treadmill and then you you pick up a gun that's on the treadmill and everybody gets locked in and you all like are interactive in the movie together storm the beach you know how fucking wild that would be, man? I mean, it would be a completely different kind of entertainment. It wouldn't just be a movie

where you go and sit down. Horror games are too fucking scary on it. Oh, I bet. Right? Because when you turn and the monster's right there. Did you ever play Slender Man?

You'd have a heart attack. What is Slender Man? It's PC, first person, little mini games. So there's this whole, you know all the internet memes and things like that. A few years ago, this became like a thing, where the internet created this mythos of this creepy, skinny, scary dude,

and whenever he'd show up, the kids would vanish, right? And someone made this little game called Slender Man that you could download. And it's essentially, you have to go find eight scraps of paper that are in it. They're random where they're going to be. And it's a dark night, and you have a flashlight, and you're in a forest. And if you basically see Slenderman and you look at him from too long, you die. And so what happens is nothing happens at first.

It's real quiet. You go get the first piece, and all of a sudden you start hearing this factory-like pounding starts. It's very ominous. And then you turn around, and he first shows up at the end of the road. And you just can barely see this really skinny, guy and then they'll they'll deliberately like put him around corners and like there's there's a part where you have to go in like a little warehouse to get a piece of paper and the pacing of it is so well done there's entire youtube videos

of people's reactions to slenderman like falling off their chair and the graphics are simple as shit what is it about like us worried about really skinny people i guess it's because they're fucking hungry as shit and they're willing to get desperate. Well, it goes back to the greys, the alien thing, right? Like that skinny, slender eyes thing, right? Yeah, I guess, but this is a person, right? Yeah, the quality of this video looks like something like a Commodore 64 right now. Remember that video that somebody made where it was like Johnny or something like that?

It was like a little alien rubber thing. Yeah, Rubber Johnny. Yeah, what was that? It was a viral promotion for something. It was like an L.A.-based artist. Really? Yeah, it was disturbing. Pull that up.

Pull that up. That was Rubber Johnny. That was pretty upsetting. It's weird, man. It was one of the weirdest things I think I've ever seen online. But it got under your skin. Yeah.

Right? It was like that kind of, that's why Insidious is one of my favorite horror movies because a lot of the horror references in it were subtle. You ever see that one? Yes. James Wan. Yes.

The scene where, um, the, the mother, they think they're free of the haunting and they're at the new house. Yeah. And like, then the tiptoe through the tulip starts playing.

Yeah. This is, if this was like on Fox news and passed as like some alien film, people would, remember when alien autopsy was on Fox? Totally. Dating. Like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you just really make me watch 35 minutes of TV

to show me a rubber suit? That's like those fucking Bigfoot shows. They're not going to fucking find Bigfoot. Quit looking. Did you see my tweets from last night? No. Oh, my God. I was going crazy.

I was watching Finding Bigfoot, and I was getting mad, you know, because they were talking crazy shit. And they had this woman on, and they were like, she's they had this woman on and they were like she's a pull up this picture Brian if you can oh she's like the woman says Kelly they talking about how they found big for the like Kelly's very artistic so she decided to sketch what we saw that day and she unveiled this

fucking pic click on the picture though so you can really see it she unveils this picture Wow and you know she's kelly's very artistic this is what she decided to see so the fucking guy the bigfoot expert he sees that picture he goes wow really he's pretending that that's anything other than the worst piece of shit bigfoot drawing in the history of bigfoot drawing it looks like the man on the wing from the twilight zone it's worse the man on the wing was more realistic and he It's worse. The man on the wing was more realistic, and he looked like a furry. That is one of the worst drawings of all time. You know, they should have said, like, oh, that's interesting.

But instead, they're like, wow. Dude, I had a friend send me a photo years ago of two of the characters that Jazz Jackrabbit game I made that happened to be, she was staying at a hotel that happened to be having a furry convention. Well, that was her story anyway. And there were two people dressed as these characters, as furries that I had created. I'm like, what have I done?

We were in Pittsburgh once accidentally, and it coincided with a furry convention. We were there for the UFC, and all the hotels were taken up, and they had a hard time finding hotel rooms for fighters and people because they were all taken up by furries. And when we were at this one hotel, the guy told us that the people that were there that were staying for fighters and people because they were all taken out by furries. Yeah. And when we were at this one hotel, the guy told us that the people

that were there that were staying asked him to put a litter box in the lobby so they could shit in the lobby. Wow.

That's some dedication right there. He said that they were, like, basically the guy's argument was, look, for this whole weekend it's all furries.

And he tried to say, look, it's not all furries. We have regular guests here too. And they're like, we'll put it in the corner and it'll only be furries. Like, they wanted to be able to shit in a litter box

I mean maybe the guy was trolling But I don't think so I'm not saying the guy told me this I'm saying the guy called in Cause they have little like holes that they could fuck through in their suits So then when he had That's the tattoo I um I can't remember who got that

That's the thing That's what I miss People getting tattoos of stuff I came jazz. That's the thing, that's what, you know, dude, that's what I miss. What? People getting tattoos of stuff I came up with. That was the biggest, like, gas. Like, you know, I met this, I was at a PAX East conference in Boston, and this, like, really normal-looking hipster girl comes up to me and pulls up the side of her shirt, and she had written the oath

that the gears took, or, like, tattooed it on her side. And I just, like, I came up with that shit on, like, a Tuesday. Like, Rod needs this for the, okay, cool. And, like, the gear stamp. And it's like if you Google gears tattoos, Brian, it's amazing. It must be a very strange nerdgasm when you come on that thing. She has that thing written on the side of her body. You shoot a load on that.

If you're, like, a real super nerd and you're banging a chick, a hot chick, who's got that tattoo written on the side of her body. You shoot a load on that. If you're like a real super nerd and you're banging a chick, a hot chick who's got that tattooed on her side, you're like, wow. Must be like a pretty intense orgasm. Well, there's the whole generation of girls now that just grew up playing games and it's no big deal now. Yeah, what were we talking about right before that? There was something we were talking about where I was going to...

The litter box and the furries. So the guy told me that not only did they do that, these are all Gears tattoos we're showing on the Ustream version. Not only did the guy say that they wanted that, but they also wanted to be fed in bowls. They wanted them to bring bowls up to the room, like their food, so they could eat on the ground like a dog. So, I mean, I've seen the furry outfits.

I haven't tried one on. But how do you like There's gotta be a mouth hole And for the whole Yeah The back thing Like you have to have A trap door

Like the old school Minor underwear Right You just wear buttons Yeah Oh yeah But then you can't Shit in the litter box

Then you have to Take off the depends Take off your furry outfit And then drop the shit In the litter box Yeah I'm sure Defend depends Like a last ditch effort

If you can't figure out How to get the suit off Yeah And imagine like Do they have those Cleaned very to get the suit off. Yeah. And imagine, like, do they have those cleaned very often? Like, the stench of the sweat and everything? You get wool. Use wool. It's the best way.

Fair enough. The people that were staying there, or working there, rather, it was interesting because it wasn't just one person that was telling us these stories. It was, like, one guy came over and told us about the litter box, and another guy came over and told us about bowls, that they wanted to be served in bowls. It might be legit, then, if it was just one dude. There's enough legit. I think there's something. No one's telling you not to be a furry.

I just want to get that out there right now. I don't have any judgment on furries. Dude, whatever works for you. Yeah, if you enjoy doing it, who cares? But I would imagine that a lot of people that like to be anonymous like that also have some other peculiar quirks. Has anybody ever done a study? I've always wondered, like, where does that fascination start?

Who fucking knows, man. Right? Were you humping your teddy bear as a kid? Could be. Could be you don't like people. People have been mean to you and you wish you lived in a world of cartoons. Some playful, childish world where you just don't even see people's

face. You just pull on a hatch and bang them. Yeah. Those bronies are the creepiest ones. These grown men that love My Little Pony. You know, I didn't even know about that until that show we did the other night. Some guy pulled it out. I had a My Little Pony doll in my pocket because I have a three-year-old. She told me to hold it.

You still have it? I gave it to her. I gave it back to her. But someone said that there's a bunch of men who are into My Little Pony, and they call them bronies. I mean, I can't believe I didn't know about it. Maybe I did know, and I just refused to admit it. There's so much stuff.

Have you ever heard about the Utila Kilt? Utila Kilt? Yeah, it's like a kilt that has all these pockets and shit, and they sell them at Comic-Con. It's like a thing. There's dudes who wear them around. Hmm. Yeah.

So underneath, nothing. Just balls. I'm assuming nothing. That's like the greatest, like, what do you think's, what's under there? What do you think's under there? Yeah, they, uh... Girls have been doing that for years. You see this shit at all the conventions.

I think it's so they can collect swag. If you're a guy walking around in a skirt with no underwear on, that's so hack. Huh? Because girls have been doing that forever. Yeah, right. It's like you're stealing their thunder. Fair enough. Well, tell that to my Scottish friends.

Yeah, they were actually probably doing it before skirts, right? Yeah. I've had Scottish friends who told me they wear the kilt out and they get more attention from girls grabbing their balls all night. Really?

Yeah, they're hanging around with dirty bitches. A bunch of ball-grabbing wenches. That's what I say. Where are they? This is taking place. Sounds like a band name, the Ball Grabbin' Winches. It should, and if it's not, please make it so. Make it so.

Make it so. Have they rolled touch tunes out at some of the bars around here? What is that? It basically looks like a giant iPhone on the wall, and then you can play music through your phone for a fee, but you can pay twice the fee to make your song play next. That's fucking awesome. Really?

It's genius. It's got every song. That's fascinating. Yeah, we will go to redneck bars like play the most non-Southern music. We were at one and we put on Electric Six's Gay Bar. Oh my goodness. And like the locals didn't know about the app and they were trying to figure out why isn't it playing like my music?

I want to take it to a gay bar. Right. It's fucking bright. That's so great. Wow. And we put on Britney. Well, how does it work? Who controls it

The person who So there's basically A song queue Right And then you You can interrupt it Yeah basically If you pay extra

To make your song next Then your song Will be next Yeah it's a total dick move It's great There's a guy named Gamble I highly love this guy I recommend looking him up

He's on Spotify That sounds like A big black porn star With a cowboy hat. My name's Gamble. Mendingo. He has this song called... Talking about gambling and fucking you in your mouth, boy.

He has a song called Balls in Your Butthole, and if you play that song really loud at most bars, you can just sit there and just love life. It's called Dogs in a Bathtub. Balls in Your Butthole. I'm saying the act of doing that is called Doggy in the Bathtub because it's hard to keep the dog in the bathtub. Doggy in the Bathtub. I might buy you a act of doing that is called dogging the bathtub, because it's hard to keep the dog in the bathtub. Doggy in the bathtub.

I might buy you a video of that one time. I don't understand that. Doggy in the bathtub, because it's hard to keep a dog in the bathtub, but it's not hard to use that app and turn the music on. Well, I was talking about putting your balls in someone's ass. Oh, okay. You confused the shit out of me there. There's videos of that.

If you look at Google, there's videos of guys putting balls in someone's ass. Girls' buttholes while me there. There's videos of that. If you look at Google, there's guys. Videos of guys putting balls in someone's ass? Girls' buttholes while fucking them. Yeah. Putting them in. I still have friends that don't know. Google it. You ever see the pickle jar? Pickle jar routine from Don Beres?

The one that went up a guy's ass? Yeah, and then it broke? Oh, yeah. One guy, one jar. Whatever it is. One guy, one cup. Yeah. That's one of the roughest.

I found an interview with that guy. The chunks, an interview. Yeah, he survived it. Yeah, I heard it was that breakaway glass that they use. Oh, like the fake stuff from the movies? Really? Yeah. Interesting.

Are you sure? That's what I heard. Candy glass, right? I heard shit. It's not good enough in 2013, Mr. Reichel. Yeah, well, BME Pain Olympics was fake. No, some of it wasn't fake. That video was?

No, some of it wasn't fake. That video was? No, some of it was. To Snopes. All it was, all BME Pain Olympics was, was a series of images that people had gathered up online and taken and put into a video. As far as was it a real Pain Olympics, like people were like practicing to see who could cut off the most and win? Definitely not. It was just they called it the BME Pain Olympics because BME was a website that was around for Shannon Lariat the guy who ran it was a friend of mine online we Interacted I think he died he had all the categories of crazy body modification. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he died

But he was very friendly online and he sent me a free membership once when I wrote a blog about I forget what it was something about, you know Me being curious about body modification, like all these different weird things that people do, like put plates in their lips and different tribal shit. So he sent me all the really extreme shit that he has on his website, which is like dudes' cocks split down the middle. The tongues, too.

This was all way before you would get this from a Google search. Yeah. You had to know. That was on Style Project. Style Project. That was exactly what I had to know, like, style. That was on Style Project. Style Project. That was exactly what I was going to say. I found out about him from Style Project. Yep.

And, uh. I find the older I get, I can't, like, when I hit my 30s, I can't look at that shit anymore. Well, you know what it is, man? You've seen it. And you know what it does to you. And if you're stupid, you keep looking. Yeah. You keep wanting to feel like shit.

I still have never seen two girls, one cup. I have no desire. It's not bad. Wanting to feel like shit. I still have never seen Two Girls, One Cup. I have no desire. It's not bad. If you're a person who's seen the murder videos and all the stuff that I'm sure you've seen,

Two Girls, One Cup ain't shit. Is that Pain Olympics video real? See, but look at what you're doing this. What do you mean? Where are you getting this answer from? That's like crowdsourced. The creator of the BMA Pain Olympics. I did an interview with him a long time agoced. The creator of the BME Pain Olympics, I did an interview with him a long time ago. Was a parody of the

BME Pain Olympics. Yeah. That was when we cut off Look at what you're saying there. The video of the BME Pain Olympics final round was a parody of

the BME Pain Olympics. Right. Where people perform insane body modifications in front of a live audience. Yeah. This video, though, was a video just making fun of it,

like where the guy's actually chopping off his dick. Right, but some of them are real, dude. I'm pretty sure that some of the different things that were in that video that was compiled actually really happened. Like, people did actually cut themselves. I mean, there's not like a shortage of those videos out there of guys doing that,

and they just compiled a bunch of them together. Yeah, when we were in, like, late 20s, we'd look at that shit at Epic all the time, and then, like, eventually we got an HR department,

and we had to, like, shut that shit down. They tell you to stop? Yeah. Did they really? Yeah. How dare they? You created such amazing

pieces of work while you were doing all that. They think they know better? They can tell you what to fucking think? Doesn't matter. It's legal issues, dude. You know the legal issues?

Here's what's legal. It should be legal to watch that stuff, and it should be legal to fire anybody who complains. That's what I say. If you work in an office and someone's like, yeah, Cliffy B's over there watching guys get their heads chopped off.

I don't want to see it. Then you don't fit in. Yeah. Get out. Well, company culture starts in the top, dude. The very top. Yeah. When you have to create a very specific work environment,

God, that's got to suck. Like if you sell insurance, you have to have a very specific code of conduct and ethics. No fun. The thing I don't like is fucking politics. No. Like the ladder climbing, all that bullshit. It's disgusting.

And also, have you ever seen those people get together, have a corporate retreat, and they all sit around the dinner table. We were next to them the other night at a restaurant. One guy was talking and toasting, and everybody was like, oh, Christ, him again. And this weird culture of insincerity. Do you know what Valve does?

Valve? The video game company? Yeah, they fly their entire company and the entire company's families to Hawaii for two weeks every year. Wow, that's badass. And I'm like, fuck, really? As much as I would like to fuck, really? Like, you know, as much as I would like to think

I got along with my coworkers, you know, when I go on a vacation to Hawaii, they're kind of the last people I want to see. Maybe they're all just banging each other. Right.

They just get together in Hawaii and start drinking absinthe. Swinger subculture. Just fucking the shit out of each other all over the beach and who gives a... They just do that for two weeks

out of the year. You want to fuck my wife. You like to fuck my wife. Two weeks out of the year, everything's... It's like that movie, to fuck my wife. Two weeks out of the year, everything's cool. It's like that movie, The Purge. That was the worst movie ever, dude. Fucking horrible. Two weeks out of the year, they all go to the big island and just fuck on lava rocks,

just like wild animals. Shredding their asses on lava rocks. Do whatever they can until they can't do it anymore, and then they go to the fucking hospital. Balls covered in black sand. They come back home, and they blog about it. Jesus. Start talking shit about each other. Valve doesn't give a fuck. They can do whatever the hell they want now. They come back home and they blog about it. Jesus. Start talking shit about each other.

Valve doesn't give a fuck. They can do whatever the hell they want now. They made a lot of money, right? Well, what they did was they made Steam, which is, they're essentially a publisher.

And like, they're just raking in money from that and they can do whatever they want game-wise. They're just some next level shit up there, man. What have they created? What video games

have Valve created? They did Dota 2, which is one of those MOBA type games like League of Legends, Half-Life, Portal. What's MOBA stand for? Multiplayer Online Battle Arena.

It's that kind of strategy game. How dare you think I would know that? How dare you? You're losing the New York Red. How dare you? First Firefly, now this. Dude, how dare you? There's a lot of people out there, Cliffy.

Dude, I could never live in fucking Seattle. No? It's just the gray, man. You could never live in Seattle, Brian? Never. It's beautiful up there. It is beautiful. You could never live in Seattle, Brian? Never. It's beautiful up there. It is beautiful. I love it up there.

We jokingly look at the whole weather app on my wife's phone. It's like, you know, San Diego's sunny, Raleigh pretty good, Seattle, gray, gray, gray. It's beautiful, though.

It's so goddamn green because it's so easy to grow shit up there. God damn, the forests are immense. It's so incredible when you're driving around up there.

But if you mix gray with green, you're still going to get shit. I think people that go up there, though, Brian, I think what they do is they just take vacations every year. A lot, yeah. They go somewhere really nice and sunny like Hawaii. When you live in Ohio, though, it's pretty known that it's one of the grayest skies, I think, percentage-wise. Ohio?

Ohio, yeah. Because it's just always cloudy, always rainy. and I think it's maybe the number one. I hate to get in dark early shit. That's the worst. Yeah, that doesn't bother me that much. I think it's important to have a mixture, and I agree with you that I would way rather have California's weather, where it's always sunny and pretty nice all the time, than going back to Boston and deal with those fucking gray winters, because those winters were horrible dude i was depressing i was up there visiting uh a while back and i was uh what what

wasn't quincy we went to some other town i can't remember to visit my buddy drew who's a writer on bioshock and we're at an irish pub chilling having a pint and some random girls talking to him and she's and it was a really cute street right there and she's like uh why do you think of our town i'm like that's lovely and she's like why do you queer think of our town? I'm like, that's lovely. And she's like, why do you, queer? I'm like, because I said the town was lovely. Should have just fucked her just to prove a point. You think I'm a queer? I'll show you who's a queer right now. I'm married.

I'm married, dude. Well, you should use a rubber dick then. Out of respect. Check this out. You should carry a rubber dick just to put women in their place. Yeah, there you go. Days of clouds. Seattle, Washington.

226 days of heavy clouds per year wow that's 62 percent of the time portland oregon slightly less buffalo new york slightly less wow yeah a lot of ohios yeah it's rough but you know what i was going to say is that i do think that california is the better set of weather but i think there's some benefit to experiencing weather i think there's a benefit to being in the rain. I think it's nice. It makes the environment better. It's healthier. Cleans out the air. Dude, I like having seasons in North Carolina. Seasons are nice. If you have seasons,

the years fucking fly right by. Seasons are nice. It makes you appreciate the warm weather. And then, you know, in the middle of January, we'll go to the Caribbean for a week or two and just fucking get in. I'm a beach guy, dude. However, I was in Edmonton a couple weeks ago and it was fucking zero. Yeah. And I came back to LA and it was it. I'm a beach guy, dude. However, I was in Edmonton a couple weeks ago, and it was fucking zero. Yeah.

And I came back to L.A., and it was 80. I got a buddy who's working at WB Games in Montreal. I did the new Batman game, and he would tell me he'd get off his bus or get out of the subway or whatever, going to work. And the 10-minute walk to actually get to the office, his beard would freeze. Yeah, that's totally real. I hear such good things about Montreal. But if I go up there to visit, it's going to be in the summer because I'm done with winter, man. It's just rough.

I used to do gigs in Montreal in the winter. I used to do the comedy works in Montreal. When I was living in New York, we'd fly up there, and it was minus 10, minus 15. Do you ever adjust your act depending on where you are? Depending on if it's a French-Canadian crowd, for example. I should have, and that's why I failed many times at those environments. Yeah. No, it depends.

There's two schools of thought. One school of thought is do something that everybody's going to like. That's the Jay Leno school of thought. Like, hey, you know, my kind of act, I can do my act anyway. You know, I can do it with little kids. It doesn't matter. I have to change it. Oh, Jay Simpson jokes.

A lot of guys, they don't want to do the act. Jay Leno actually said that to me when I asked him once about Bill Hicks, because Bill Hicks wrote some really mean shit about him. And he's like, I don't know. You know, Bill didn't want to do what everybody wanted to hear. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. And I think there's only one way to really get your audience, and you have to continue to do what you want to do.

And there's going to be nights where the people don't want to hear that shit. If they don't know who you are, especially if you have a dirty act, it's a tricky situation. It's tricky to do. So a lot of guys would write a lot of material that maybe necessarily was more utilitarian, just more served a purpose, than it would be like their

actual expression. So they would throw that in there if it felt like it was going awry. I love video games. I love movies but I also fucking love comedy. It's fun. Like I saw Colin Kane. Do you listen to him at all?

No, I don't know who he is. He's an LA based guy. He's up and coming and he's like just imagine Dane Cook if he was completely just filthy and misogynistic.

You just hurt my feelings and I'm going to pee. Why don't you? No, I'm just kidding. I like Dane. I'm friends with Dane. I started out with Dane. Really.

But I do have to pee. We talked to him. Yeah, here's something interesting is that the top ten unhappiest cities, which is crazy because it's almost the exact same list that we saw, the cloudy. Like the first one is Portland, Oregon. Second one is St. Louis. Third, New Orleans.

Oh, don't just New Orleans. Detroit, Cleveland, Jacksonville, Florida Vegas Nashville again Cincinnati two Ohio's Atlanta hey look

Raleigh's not anywhere on there yeah keeps being voted one of the top 10 cities man I was thinking if I could go anywhere I'd probably go Texas for the same reason why

it's not as expensive as LA Austin Austin is one of my on my short list of other places I'd love to live Elijah Wood said fuck LA and decided to just move to Austin did he really? yeah I was out there for South by Southwest dude that's one of my short list of other places I'd love to live. Elijah Wood said fuck LA and decided to just move to Austin. Did he really? Yeah.

I was out there for South by Southwest dude. That's one of my favorite cities. Right. And that's why I call Raleigh mini Austin because it's like this little kind of like mini sea of cool in the middle of this GOP ruled state. And you know I'm fucking doubling down there you know. It's like the coasts are great you know. It's like

if we go two hours away to the beach man like you could just like the beach real estate in Carolina Beach is like like you get a condo in the water for 300 grand like it's and then because you go to wilmington rightsville which is a little bit old money right and like the same condo would be like a million bucks but it's like you know you would more free did we go to the yacht club today or that kind of vibe right i'd rather be hanging out with all the fucking red necks is they're awesome why was Did you say rednecks are awesome? Come back in and Cliffy's being a totally different person. This is strange.

Why was Gears of War number two and number three never ported to the PCs, but Gears of War one was? It's a myriad of reasons. The only way to really succeed in that space at the time was to put something on Steam. It was just man hours at the time. So it wasn't an easy conversion from the Xbox? The controls also didn't translate that well with the whole cover system and everything like that. Has anybody ever figured out how to do a keyboard and mouse for a console?

No. What they do is they just make it the twin stick thing. And what they do is they assist your aim without you really realizing it. And so it's called friction and adhesion. So if I'm moving my crosshair over you in Halo, if you ever play it, it slightly slows your crosshair a little bit.

So it helps you and you're like, damn, I'm good. That's actually pretty dope if that was like real technology and actual war. Yeah.

You know, if like the cursor like found people. Oh, the bullets that go around corners and everything. The future is, you know, you saw the

DARPA robot that carries or was Boston Dynamics that can carry like 300 pounds for them, right? Exosuits. Yeah. How about those fucking robot dogs that you can kick?

Yeah. And it won't fall down? Yeah. They have a motorcycle like that too. Yeah, I've seen that. It's fucking impressive. We got some wild shit coming out, man. The biggest problem right now is just data everywhere.

Like, we're all addicted to the feed. We're addicted to data news stories. Like, everything breaks. Things go viral. Like, that whole instance of the executive producer for The Bachelor who was on the plane around Thanksgiving

with the lady who was claiming that she was being a bitch and he sent her some drinks and told her to eat his dick and it turns out the whole thing was fake. He just made it all up

and it was too late. It had gone viral. There it is. Yeah, that's incredible. It looks creepy. It looks like a bunch of broken legs and Bambi. That's like some

Metal Gear Solid shit right there. It looks like two men facing each other carrying packages. Yeah looks like a bunch of broken legs. And Bambi. That's like some Metal Gear Solid shit right there. It looks like two men. Yeah, it does. Like facing each other, carrying packages. Yeah, like the fake donkey. Yeah. It's so weird.

Like a couple drunken college kids trying to move their futon or something. When those things are acting on their own, that's going to be a weird thing. When you're seeing those coming over the mountains of Pakistan with fucking machine guns on top of them. Or Amazon in the drones. We never really talked about that, the Amazon drones. I think that was more a PR thing for them, though. Do you think? Yeah, because the amount of hurdles they'd have to get through for that to happen.

Why don't you explain what you're talking about? Yeah, yeah. Amazon was talking about using actual drones to deliver packages, which is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard in my life. That would mean you would have to, like, a drone would fly a package to your house and drop off in front of your house. And a lot of people thought that maybe that could happen 100 years from now or 20 years from now. But Amazon's kind of front and talking about how they're going to deliver with that now.

Dude, show me a person who has a gun who's not going to try and shoot those fucking things down. How could you insure them, right? Right. People get mad, too, if it flies over their property. Yep. Also, just think about if this did start catching on. We would have to say goodbye to sunsets. We would not see the clouds or the sky anymore.

We would just have thousands of these little fucking robots flying around, dropping off tampons. But at the same time, dude, I haven't gone into a Target in a year. Right, true. I get everything online. But yeah, here's the packages that come to this thing, I guess, and then it gets picked up by a drone. So supposedly this is real, because it seemed like a practical joke for the longest time,

unless they're just planning an April Fool's now. Well, maybe if it's not important shit, you can just fly it around like that. But it seems like, man, that's not really assured. I don't want to get my new espresso maker. Yeah. 30-minute delivery, though, is what that's not really assured. I don't want to get my new espresso maker. Yeah. 30-minute delivery, though, is what they're trying to get at. Dude, even in Raleigh with Amazon Prime,

we order some shit in the afternoon, the next day, boom, done. So this is real. Wow. This is fucking strange. Dude, I think it's them projecting, like, remember that old video where it's like, have you ever said goodnight to your kid on a video phone you will right that becoming became strangely true i think they're kind of projecting a little bit further forward people are gonna shoot those fucking things exactly i just even like kids with bb guns dude yeah i just want amazon platinum where if i'm home

they take the shit out of the box then they take the box and they're wrapping away well you could actually just shoot the package what you could do is is, like, as the guy's flying, if you had a high-powered rifle and you're looking out the window, you could just take the package out from the sky. Yeah. Boom, and he delivers a package with a big bullet hole in it. Yeah. People are going to get mad, too,

if you're flying over their fucking house. Yeah. Well, they're probably planning on urban areas originally, right, where it's already noisy and shit. Black people. Urban. How did urban become black people? What the fuck happened there?

That's weird, right? It's very weird. Like black people only live in cities or something? Well, it's a euphemism. I mean, someone says it's an urban crowd. They want to say black people, but they don't want to get in trouble. Yeah. So they say it's an urban crowd.

But yet you go to Urban Outfitters and it's the dumbest, whitest place you've ever been to. Urban Outfitters is the opposite of urban. Right. That's the dumbest name for that place ever. That's Hot Topic. It's Hot Topic Suburban Outfitters. Yep.

How is that Urban Outfitters? We have to make a fucking agreement on what urban actually means. I mean, I was scared to go in the store for the first five years it was open. That's racist. You thought you were going to go in the store for the first five years. It was open That's racist You thought you were gonna get ganked For you horny free chains, dude. I fucking hate the mall. I don't know if I'm just a grumpy old man

I just can't stand going there. Yeah, it's a good place to find stores What do you hate about the mall? It's not forcing you to go there. Yeah, it's definitely inefficient. I just don't go I'm all about efficiency. Yeah, but it's cool. You can try clothes on, you know, buy things, look around. Clothes and food are the two things you buy in person, right? Everything else, one, click that in your phone. So we got off track, but I wanted to ask you, like, if you were going to buy, you said you would build your own laptop PC. But, like, when you buy one now, like, what company do you use?

We got the Razer Blade for the laptop. What does that mean? It's just it's a Razer used to make, like, the. Oh, the Razer mice for the laptop. What does that mean? It's just, Razer used to make like the... Oh, the Razer mice. Yeah. Same company makes a laptop? Yep, and then they just crushed it with this one. It's a fantastic laptop. I met that dude, the guy who calls himself Razer Guy. Me and Lou Morton, who's

one of the writers on News Radio and a couple other guys went to... He had a bunch of prototype mice. That was back when they had that weird mouse. Remember how they had one... The boom slang? Yeah, you remember that thing? Super accurate. They had a 2000 DPI sensor long before anybody else did.

It was a really sensitive mouse. Super, super accurate. But it was also kind of getting old school because it was a ball. It wasn't laser yet. You had to open that shit up and get all the dog hair and boogers out of there. And the problem was they were trying to pretend

that that shape wasn't retarded. Yeah. Remember, they had that ridiculous, totally unergonomic shape. It was like a duck's foot. Yeah, yeah, it was flat. Yeah. It was weird.

I used it, though, because it was so goddamn accurate. But you put up with it. But I went back to... Do you remember that gaming mouse, the Logitech gaming mouse? That was the shit. Was that the white one gaming mouse, the Logitech gaming mouse? That was the shit. Was that the white one?

No, the Logitech was a gray one. It was like a mouse that was invented just for gaming. And it had like this real small, almost like deer hoof size or a cow hoof sort of shape. Was it optical? No, it wasn't. Not initially. But it was so good. It wasn't as fast as picking up, but it felt so good in your hand

that it made up for the fact that it wasn't as fast. John Romero just went to a 20th anniversary. I think it was at least 20 or 25 for Doom. Dude, he's doing well, man. Wow, that was the guy. It was him and Carmack, and he was the guy who went on to do that crazy game. What was the fucking game? It took bag?

What the fuck about car Romero Romero to doomquake right, but I get I get on it I get on it every time I was fucking fun man that game did not get enough respect He was one of the first people to be progressively bullied by the informing internet. Oh, like everyone wanted to hate him Well, he's too sexy beautiful. Driving around in Ferraris and shit. Daikatana. Pull up video of Daikatana. Because Daikatana had, like, some really fun multiplayer. Like, the one-on-one in Daikatana was really fun.

The rocket. It was a little bit imbalanced. A little rocket launcher heavy. I'll go to Dallas and stay in my hotel downtown. I look at that building and I just, I see it as a cautionary tale for if I start a studio, like, be careful, you know?

Well, you gotta explain to people who don't know what the fuck we're talking about. Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry.

So, John Romero was one of the key creators behind Doom and Quake, which basically invented the first person shooter genre. John Carmack went to Oculus, by the way,

that's another side note. I knew about that months in advance, I had to keep my mouth shut. Okay, you were dropping information. He was like, video games first fucking rock star

right he's the guy I wanted to be growing up right and then he started his own company with Eidos money that was made from

Tomb Raider and he started in the heart of Dallas got the biggest most expensive penthouse suite he could find insane real estate

and he did the whole Gary Oldman get me everyone like hired way too many people way too many fast and basically overshot in his first game

the game was so much money though PR disaster for him. But Deus Ex came out of that, which is a fantastic series. Anachronox, which is an underrated little role-playing game. I know so many people who worked there and were there firsthand. And a lot of them still work at Epic. What was the name of the company again? Ion Storm. Ion Storm.

And they became infamous because an ad agency had made an ad that said, John Romero's about to make you his bitch. What is this, Brian? Suck it down. What is this, Brian? Die Katana. This is it? Yeah, well, you'd be surprised how many

old games the graphics don't hold up, man. Oh, yeah, but I'm just... But your memory of them, right? Yeah, I can't hardly remember, but I wanted to see the multiplayer, if you could find it. It was really good multiplayer. It was fun.

It was like old school Quake 1. Yeah. Remember how Quake 1 was like really fast, and you would, really fast and when you were running, you were really running fast. Then Quake 2, they slowed it way down. I'm just, you know, there may be a market for a new one of those soon, if you know what I'm saying. He's winking at me, folks, and he's clearly heterosexual. He can't say, but he's working right now on something just like that, I think. Joe, you're getting exclusive fucking material here, dude.

Dude, I don't care. Okay, that's why I'm getting it. But yeah, do you think, you know, people, these kids who play Call of Duty know what a proper, like, PC shooter is? I think a lot of kids don't. But if they did... You go to these events, they're still playing Counter-Strike and Team Fortress 2. Look how badass this is. This is fucking pretty good, man.

He had like a four-barrel, like an 18-barrel shotgun called the Shot Cycler. Yeah. That was cool. You started out with like a thing where you punch people, and then you had to run around. I enjoyed those games, too, where you had to like collect items, and you had to time when the rocket launcher would reappear and shit. That's my thing. Look at the, like just flowing through the level, right? Yeah.

And anticipating the sound cues and knowing where they're coming from and the one-on-one battles and everything. Yeah, people who've never played these things, they really are never going to understand how much, like, thinking is going on simultaneously and movement of your hands and fingers. Like, it's incredibly intoxicating.

It is. It's not like... People think of it as like, oh, you're playing games. Like, what are you doing? Pretending some fucking shit's going on. Whoa whoa we'll go kill the werewolves no it's you're you're online in real time with someone you know they could be fucking anywhere and with the technology that we have today and you're playing this incredibly quick game and

all your sensors are firing and everyone's on mountain Mountain Dew. Now I bet they're all on Adderall, right? I bet these kids are Adderall the fuck up. Five-hour energy drinks times three. They say that amphetamines were one of the best things that you could ever take if you were playing a first-person shooter. Really? Yeah, because you could get locked into a really intense battle for a long time, and you wouldn't lose concentration.

I'm like, people are taking amphetamines to play fucking video games? Well, so what would happen, imagine if some of these Twitch first-person shooters become big in the eSports scene, is they'll have to start screening for just blood doping. Probably, yeah. I would imagine so. Because when you have millions of dollars at stake, and if that guy if that guy has that extra edge. Yeah. You know, it's the whole Lance Armstrong thing, right? Yeah, I would think that there's probably some, I mean, maybe it makes shitty judgments, though. Yeah.

You know, like, maybe that's too much. Maybe you're too fit, but I know. It's muscle memory, it's strategy, right? It's all there, but. It's not just that. There's also, like, it takes away nerves in a weird way, you know, and part of competition is nerves. Part of competition is nerves. Yeah. Part of competition, that's like a big thing in the pool world, in a professional pool,

guys used to take amphetamines, used to take pills, and they would be able to play for 10, 12 hours, and they didn't have nerves. Yeah. Like, their nerves would go away, because they were, like, one of the things that crystal meth people do, they make terrible fucking decisions, because they're whacked out of their mind. They don't even know that they're there. Yeah. Like, they're barely aware of what the fuck is happening in front of them.

They have a completely distorted perception of reality. Well, along with that, allegedly and apparently comes like an ease in competition because for things that don't require cardiovascular, like you would obviously had a heart attack if you tried smoking meth and playing basketball. Apparently, for some people, smoking meth or taking meth and playing pool, like, works really well. Well, it's, you know, watching football and watching the kicker. It's like, you know, you have one job, no pressure, right? Don't fuck it up.

That's a terrifying job, though. You got a bunch of fucking gigantic super athletes running at you, dude. Four 440s. I grew up, like, in New England, as you know, and sports were forced on my fucking throat by my brothers, and I hated them. And I was like, I'll show you. I'm going to go make video games. And only a few years ago, I just really started enjoying the NFL.

You allowed yourself. Yeah. I fucking love it. It's chess with 280-pound dudes. I would definitely like it. I just can't watch. It's too much. Why is that?

I don't have any time. Yeah, fair enough. It's like I spend too much time obsessing about a million other things. If I wanted to get involved in football, too, I'd tune into those Fox shows where they start having these conversations. Well, Denver's got to get off the back end. What's going on over there? And Pittsburgh, if Pittsburgh doesn't fix this, I've got to get out of this.

For me, it's a whole new game to learn that I've ignored my whole life. And I'm willing to admit that I don't know a lot about it. And it's just, you know, I'm rooting for the Saints because my wife's from New Orleans and the team has a lot of heart. Drew Brees is a fucking stud. And it's just, you know, I'm rooting for the Saints because my wife's from New Orleans, and the team has a lot of heart. Drew Brees is a fucking stud. And it's an excuse to drink beer on a Sunday. And it's just fucking fun to watch, man. It seems like it's fun.

I mean, it's kind of like a gladiator type thing. You're watching some sort of an organized war. It's just they don't actually kill each other. They slam each other and steal balls. I need to make it out to another couple UFC events. That one that you and Charlotte, that was fucking amazing. That was a good one. That was a long time ago, man.

That was a totally different experience than the UFC today. Yeah, somebody on Twitter was like, oh, you're going to show Joe your mad knowledge of MMA? I'm like, I don't know shit. I'm not going to try and fake it. I went there, I'd appreciated it. It was fucking fantastic, and I felt like a savage because at the beginning I'm like, oh, this is so violent.

And by the end I'm like, fucking kill him! Get him! How dare you, Cliffy B. Someone's played too many video games. Shouldn't say kill him. That seems rude. The level of athlete, though, is very, very high now. Back then, I mean, we were talking

about, what is it, like 2005 or 4 or something like that? It was in Charlotte? It was a long time ago. I forget the exact year, but the level of athlete has gone up considerably since then. Same thing with football, right? When I look at the old school videos of football players and how big they were and how fast they move versus these guys now.

How much change has there been, though, in the last decade? I don't know, honestly. I mean, has strength training gotten better? I mean, the thing about MMA is it's still a relatively new sport compared to the other ones, right? Yeah, and you're just starting to also get the're just starting to get like the real top end athletes to come over to MMA. Whereas before you were getting guys, you know,

who maybe like wrestled in college but they didn't have a professional outlet and then the UFC came along and some of them reluctantly went into the UFC. Now you're getting these guys that grew up wanting to be a UFC fighter. That's cool. And they saw it from the beginning. I'll never forget hearing the crowd

get all crazy because somebody was coming through and realizing it was Dana White and how they just worship him and how fucking cool that was and how he turned

that thing around. It's cool. Yeah, well, there's a lot of factors involved, but without Dana, it wouldn't have happened. He's a nut. He's obsessed with it.

He loves it. We talked about fights last night for about two and a half hours. Wow. I called him last night. We talked about the Mark Hunt fight and all this crazy shit that's going on right now and next weekend.

My buddies who are bar owners will deliberately not have the UFC fight on. Why? Because some of them believe that it attracts the type of guy who wants to get in a fight that night. It definitely does. Two to three hours. He's going to show up, have some drinks, and he's going to— It happens a lot more than you think. I know a lot of bars in Ohio

that do the same thing. They stopped having the fights. What bars do you know in Ohio? My friend owns a bar on... It's like a pool bar. I think they used to play there, but then they always had fights there, so he's like...

Wow. Yeah, well, man, you add alcohol, alcohol, and a bunch of people watching people kick people's asses and getting ass kicking boners yeah dude even in raleigh at 2 a.m at some outside some of the bars man you see them get

fucking getting could you imagine if there was a club a men women club where men and women went there where they just showed porn all over the place they showed like big widescreen videos of people having sex could you imagine how i mean that would like turn rapey really fucking quick. Like very much like how the UFC, like if you have the UFC in a bar, people want to beat ass. If you had, I think, first of all, people's, it would be really interesting like as a study, if you can get some scientists involved and seeing when, I mean, you couldn't really manipulate people like that unless they volunteered. But how many more people who watch the porn wound up hooking up that night yeah versus how many people who didn't watch porn and went to a regular bar yeah i don't know actually that

would be fascinating but i mean what kind of porn are we talking about hardcore like just fucking gagging mascara spit everything yeah there's a part that does that in los angeles i think me and duncan went there once and in the back they just showed a woman's gaping asshole and this guy just sitting there. And it was just on a projection on the wall. And you're just sitting out there looking at this girl getting pounded. Was it like Silver Lake or something like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course.

There's a bar called The Cozy Car or something in San Francisco where like... The Cozy Car. That's my nickname for my butt. The Cozy Car. They have like all the old playboy Issues and pictorials Like laminated in the tables and everything It's kind of mesmerizing

Well that's kind of interesting The old ones especially Because it's like you're watching a piece of history It's not even porn anymore When you know that that lady is like 80 now You are not beaten off to that I don't care how hot she looked back then There's very few people that beat off to pictures of naked Marilyn Monroe

As pretty as she was. It's just, eh, that's ancient stuff. I had a friend of mine who just was in Delhi, in India, and she was speaking

of like, rapey, and she just like, you know, she wore the full, very little makeup, just full on like, showing no skin

and everything. She said, how many times did she get her ass grabbed and leave, one of them was like, an official, like a guard

at the Taj Mahal. That was, I can't remember, but it's just, my other friend who happens to be Indian was talking, we were talking about the Indian rape culture and she says, it's just, it Taj Mahal. That was, I can't remember. But it's just, my other friend who happens to be Indian, we were talking about the Indian rape culture, and she says it's fucking rough. How did it happen?

How did India become a place where all these gang rapes keep occurring? I mean, is it being over-sensationalized in the media, or is it really that fucking dangerous? I think from what I gather, it's pretty, she felt very uncomfortable. Her Facebook post was like, India, you were amazing to visit, but some of the vibe I got was really a little unsettling wow yeah she just she

did like this world tour so god damn that's weird what is that and it's it's it's very weird when you see it and it also coincides with a population of a billion people because i always assume and this is just based on what i've seen in regards to money and how people treat each other. When you have too many people, when you have too many people, 20 million people, whatever, a billion people, you lose the value.

There's no value in people. There's too many of them. They become a problem to be around. There's weird cultural things, too. Epic had partnered with Tencent before I left. I sold a bunch of stock and everything. And we got this, like, what would you like to know if you're going to release a game in China?

And here are things that are culturally allowed and things that you should avoid. And one of the things that was a big no-no you couldn't have in your game was any exposed bone. Like, no skulls. If you had a zombie, you couldn't see any of the bone in it. It was considered really like you can't do it for some reason and the other thing was that you if there's a certain type of fear i can't remember what it's called where you're afraid of densely packed holes like coral like in to avoid those kinds of patterns in your game because a bunch of people get freaked out by that apparently densely packed holes like coral freak out chinese

people that was what the whole pamphlet said. There's a name for it. Something of phobia, right? It's like a coralophobia. It's not because it's not just coral. It's like, you know, any sort of surface that's very porous, like that spongy type thing, right? And that's a cultural thing. Yeah, it's cultural. I don't know of it existing in other places, but I think apparently when they have a billion people and you have, you know, 5% of the people affected with it, well, you may want to, you know, keep that in mind. It is weird when you see how far people go off the track when it comes to, like, what their culture accepts and expects of each other. Yeah.

Like, how about Muslims where you're not even allowed to draw Muhammad if you draw him? Yeah. You know, like little kids, Christian kids, they can draw a picture of God with a beard and the clouds and do it as a part of their, you know, first grade project. There's a Dutch cartoonist who actually did it and drew him with a bomb turbine at one point. He had Fatwa

just issued for him. South Park. Yeah, because you were talking about them earlier. Those guys. They got in trouble for it. Book of Mormon.

It's amazing that you could get that far though that a culture can get. You can call it a religion if you want, but it's basically a pattern of behavior.

A pattern of behavior that a bunch of people are willing to follow that gets so far that if you write down or draw your guy that you believe in, just draw on them. Dude, I'm an atheist, but I have friends who are very religious, and it's like, whatever gets you

through the fucking day. The thing is, if you're not hurting anybody else, whatever fucking works for you. You're like a Beatles song, man. You know, you want to lead people? Fucking tell them you know what happens when you die. Yeah, that would definitely help. Do you ever see the movie Martyrs? Or tell them that you found some magic shit.

Yeah. You found some magic shit. It's telling you, it's sending me information. Hey, I'm just a conduit. I'm not your god. Yeah. Okay, but your god's talking through me. He wants you to suck my dick.

Yep. I don't know why. People want something, they want to be a part of something. It's that tribal nature. Fuck those guys over there. Why? Because we're us and they're them. There's definitely that, right?

And you even see it within nerd culture where it's like, are you nerdy enough? Are you a real quarter? Are you really using a Mac? Yeah. A Mac or PC? It's the same reason I don't tell my friends what kind of hardware I have and anything because it's like, oh, you should get a so-and-so. It's so much better.

Oh, are you using AMD? God, dude. God, dude, that's so yesterday. Like, you know, get in like a TV for the gaming room. Oh, that one's so much better. Oh, you're using AMD? God, dude. God, dude, that's so yesterday. Like, you know, getting like a TV for the gaming room. Oh, that one's too laggy. And there's always

a better one coming out that you should wait for and just not ever have anything. Fucking nerdy cunts. You have the both Xbox and PS4? Yeah. The new one?

Are you going to start shit right now? No, I'm just saying, do you prefer one over the other one? Dude, I'm all about Nintendo right now. Yeah.

The new Mario's fucking fantastic. The new Zelda's great. Have you tried the Xbox with your TV, though? Oh, you'm all about Nintendo right now. Yeah. The new Mario's fucking fantastic. The new Zelda's great. Have you tried the Xbox with your TV, though? Oh, you don't have cable. Yeah, no. We just use, like,

Netflix and Hulu and all that shit. And we use Chromecast also. That's the future, isn't it? Dude, I just... Seems like it, right? Time Warner made their own bad man.

And, you know, more and more people are cutting that fucking cable. Netflix works so well. Yeah. It's so well. And I just... I want everything streaming

on demand right now. Hulu Plus works so well. All of them's so well. And I just, I want everything streaming on demand right now. Hulu Plus works so well. All of them work so well. I love iTunes. Yeah. I don't, I watched The Walking Dead recently on TV. Oh my God. I wanted to fucking kill somebody.

It was every fucking 10 minutes. It was a commercial. Yep. I was like, this is such a bad way to watch a gripping show. Yeah. All of a sudden it's dancing potato chips. Yeah. It's like from the 50s and 60s, right?

It's like a stay over. Well, you know what it is, man? It's like television in the current form where you have to watch it when it plays. You have to watch it live. It's like silent movies, man. It just doesn't work anymore. Yeah. It's stupid.

Yeah. Well, so driving around LA proper, the amount of signs I've seen for Netflix and Hulu original series, like, it's totally taking over. And they can take more risks in those areas. Yeah. Same thing with the YouTube explosion, right? Like, you know, so many places are just getting, like, little warehouses out in, like, whatever, you know, city out here, and they're just making gold. Like, Freddie Wong's videos, man. Well, there's so many people that are doing these weird videos, too, where they just stand in front of a camera and they start talking about something and then they have all these quick edits.

It's like, you know, I grew up in this. Click, edit. And when I was a kid, there's almost like no room for air. And they've edited like every breath or pause in between every word. And they have this weird fast editing style It's like the draw my life stuff also right, but it's really prevalent like what how did that fast editing weird style of YouTube video? Becomes so many well let me ask you a question like for me when I watch a YouTube video if like it doesn't get interesting Within the third the first 30 seconds. I'm out. I'm like I'm done. Just like you can let's get going

I'm on to the next video. Yeah, I guess. Do you know who I believe the number one YouTube subscribed person is? Is this kid? He's like Finnish or something. His name's like Pupidai. And he just streams videos of him playing games and talking about them all the time. And he just gets insane views. That's weird.

Well, you can't predict it on the internet. He's got good bone structure. Rebecca Black finally released a sequel to Friday. Did she really? Because I saw that online. Was that bullshit? No, it's Saturday. She really did make a song called Saturday.

Come on, man. And she put it online? Yep. A million views. Let's hear it. I didn't know that. That's terrible. How bad is it?

Well, she's kind of acting like she's a little hungover, and she partied a little too hard. She's trying to get street cred. Yeah. Talking about getting... I'm thinking she needs... The next one should be Sunday Funday, where she's drinking Bloody Marys, getting all fucked up with her friends. Doing coke, trying to stay street cred. The next one should be Sunday Funday where she's drinking Bloody Mary and getting all fucked up with her friends.

Doing coke, trying to stay up. The cycle continues. Finds blood in her socks, doesn't know where it came from. Oh my god. Hell yeah. You're not in bed. Oh my god. Oh my god, this is real.

Listen to that synth. Oh, she's got like a Miley parody girl in here at some point. Twerking and shit. You know what? Here's the deal, though. This could have worked if it wasn't her. Yeah. If they had no one

in this video was singing and they didn't show anybody singing, there's enough people out there that are almost retarded that they would buy that. It's the post-modern

Rebecca Black. It's all like me and my friends from the Palisades. We're going to sit around and pretend that this is what we do. Oh, we push each other on skateboards.

When we're high on oxys. Yeah, right. Cut in my mom's closet. Oh, we're all in the water. It looks like we're having fun, but actually Billy just drowned and we're trying to find him. We fell off the dock and we can't tell his mom because we have his car. His fucking key doesn't work because it's underwater. Oh, dude, fucking internet, man. This is weird. That dude couldn't find his mom because we have his car and his fucking key doesn't work because it's underwater. Oh, dude.

Fucking internet, man. This is weird. That dude couldn't find his pants. I mean, it's crazy. They're nutty. You know, she got up at two o'clock. She told you. Two o'clock in the afternoon.

Bitch was partying. Would she go into bed at like five? Bitch didn't give a fuck. She went to bed at noon. She went to bed at noon, got up at two, ready to fuck again. She's crazy. She's doing blow. She's fucking balloons full of helium up her ass.

Ark Music Factory. Wow. Dude, when we were in, that's like a... Ark? Yeah, the ones who do all those vanity music videos for like the

British Orange County girls. What are those? That's like Friday and all those. Oh, come now. It's a company that's called Ark Music Factory. Oh, come now.

So they basically... Here for your bat mitzvah you get a music video or whatever, right? Oh my goodness. Don't even play that, Jamie. You're fucking getting the shit out of me right now. I've had too much already.

I'm starting to shake. It's like not drinking coffee and drinking many cups all at once. I can't handle it. It's too much girl band. Yeah, there you go. Somebody tried to tell me... I walked into a bookstore and I'm like, God, why are they playing One Direction?

I go, wrong question. The real question is, how the fuck do you know that this playing One Direction? I go, wrong question. The real question is, how the fuck do you know that this is One Direction? Yeah, totally. Goddamn grown adult. It's a cycle, dude, every ten years. A couple years ago, I'm like, aren't boy bands about set to come back? And you're just, that train's on time. Yeah, I felt that and I saw it in Vegas

for the first time in the elevator. I go, what is this? I had to ask my friends, what is this? Oh, that's the new one. It's a new boy band. Mike, how come I didn't see them coming? How come I didn't hear anything? They were here, they're huge already,

like instantly. It's such a weird psychology for young girls. They like those very like androgynous dudes who are very non-threatening. Of course, because they're dabbling in the world of sexuality. You know, if you had a bunch of fucking Andre Arlovsky looking dudes, with open chests,

playing guitar, sticking their tongue out with giant rolled sock cock in their pants, like in leather, you know, tight pants, big giant thighs, custom-made thighs. You know, half the boys have giant legs. And this big snake-like cock pressed up against his upper hip. You know, that's too much for a little girl who's just starting to learn her ways,

just starting to figure out what her friend means at the end of every month. The Japanese boy bands are even worse. I don't know if you've ever seen those before. Oh, yeah, I have. And K-pop. There's a lot of weird androgynous shit going on with Japanese people. They're into a lot of weird androgynous shit. There was a guy who was an androgynous kickboxer who was actually very good.

He was into manja, I guess that is. Some character... Oh, manga. Manga, yeah, that's how you say it. Character, but he was a badass kickboxer. Let me find out. Let me see. Like, give me shit, I'll kick your ass.

Yeah, no, he was legit. And he was fighting in K1 Max. Dude, I saw a video. Did you know Seattle has this law where if two people agree to fight, they can just fight in the street? And somebody falls and they have to stop? Say that again? What?

So Phoenix Jones is that real-life superhero guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Willful Combat or something like that. Willing Combat. And there's a viral video of him and this dude who just would not leave him alone who was hammered. And Phoenix just dropped him. Yeah. Those guys are fucking hilarious, man.

Well, that guy dresses up like a superhero and he's an MMA fighter. He's a really badass him. Yeah. Those guys are fucking hilarious. Well, that guy dresses up like a superhero, and he's an MMA fighter. He's a really badass fighter. Yeah. Yeah, this is... Woo. Shinni. Shinni. This is the androgynous Japanese boy band.

There's a whole thing. It's Korean, maybe. Are they Korean? I think this one is, yeah. But it's the same thing. I like the way they move. I'm going to tell you right now. I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Pretty good production values. Yeah, that's K-pop. Yeah. Uchihiro Nagashima. That's the dude's name. Pull up a video of him, Brian. What's his name? Y-U-I-C-H-I-R-O Nagashima K-1

Kickboxing. These videos of him looking like a girl. He comes out with a dress on, a skirt, and a crazy wig on. And he dances. Fucks people up. It's even cooler that he doesn't. Yeah, he's badass, man.

I've seen the dude fight a bunch of times. That's cool. And apparently when he first started, he actually wasn't that good. People were teasing him because of his outfit and all the shit he's into, and then he got really good and started fucking guys up. You play a counter-strike with people who are better than you, and you get better. Cliffy B's dropping knowledge.

He's teaching you how to be the best you you can be. It's a PSA. The more you know. I think I went to his last UFC fight. He hasn't fought since then. Oh, this is against Kraus. He's probably going to get fucked up. Brito Kraus is a bad dude. Push it ahead, though.

Yeah, but look at his dances. Look at this. He has this whole choreographed thing that he comes out to holy shit he's the best he's fighting Albert Kraus though who's a multiple-time champion from Holland I don't know who won the fight but I would imagine Kraus would have an advantage this is must be in Japan they used k1 max was like a big kickboxing Organization to deal with the fact that there was a lot of like really talented guys They were at a lighter weight because Japan Japan put really high level Kickboxing worldwide on the map with k1 and then the k1 was all heavyweight guys

So they went from that to k1 max, which is all guys I think the weight limit was like, I think it was 160 pounds. I'm not sure. But, like, go ahead so you can see him fighting this dude. He was badass, man, even though he got KO'd the fuck out. That's what I said, man. I said he's fighting Albert Kraus. He's going to get fucked up, and I was correct.

Look at this. Boom. Bang. There's your wig. There's your concussion. There's your wig There's your concussion There's your skirt Pull ahead Pull way before that

So you can see Like some of the fight He's actually a good fighter Yeah Because the guy he's fighting Is like super Super high level He really

Should never be in Against this guy He's Nobody likes a blowout But he's Yeah he's like a step below But What they would do

In Japan They didn't give a fuck man that's first round too that's 50 minutes and 50 seconds of the first round yeah put it up to the beginning when japan would have a lot of freak shows that was one of the things that they had a real problem with with uh pride and uh some of the matches they would do in k1 they would put too many people that didn't have any chance at all together. Yeah. And they would have guys just get slaughtered.

Just guys fight guys that they had no business fighting these dudes. And this is one of those instances. That dude's a beast. Kraus has been around a long fucking time, too. I think he's probably got 100 fights. He's fought, like, the best of the best, too. Like, high high level competition.

And like this style of like Holland kickboxer, he kind of embodies that style. I think John Cusack's character in Say Anything Had It Right when he said it's the sport of the future. John Cusack was ahead of his time, bro. John Cusack is great on Twitter, by the way. Is he? I will say that. Yeah.

John Cusack speaks his mind. He's a very intelligent. Is Rob Delaney a friend of yours? Not on, I think way. Is he? I will say that. Yeah. John Cusack speaks his mind. He's a very intelligent, informed guy. Is Rob Delaney a friend of yours? Not on, I think so. Maybe online. Maybe on Twitter or something. I got, my favorite thing was, he tweeted, drinking cum makes pineapple juice taste delicious. And then I retweeted that.

It's supposed to be, right? I got a big, it's the, he's flipped the joke, though. Because it's supposed to say drinking pineapple juice. I get it. Yeah. I get it. Which is fucking Everything he tweets Is just amazing

He's fucking one of the best Twitterers out there Why are you saying that Brian? What? Are you disagreeing? I just said My stomach hurts Don't disagree Brian

That shit's rude Dude I fucking love him on Twitter Okay you guys are gonna fight I'm gonna leave the room Because I don't like to be here For this shit Whatever you do Do not put your name

And the word Kimmel In the same thing Alright Cause you won't Whatever you do, do not put your name and the word Kimmel in the same thing. Alright. Because you won't find it anywhere. No. Don't put his name in the word Kimmel. You're holding your tongue. Breathe, Brian. You tell me this after the podcast then? Huh? There's something you're withholding.

Nothing. Nothing. I don't follow him on Twitter. I guess I'll say it. I don't follow him on Twitter, but I saw him on Kimmel once and it was one of those performances. I guess he probably say it. I don't follow him on Twitter, but I saw him on Kimmel once, and it was one of those performances. I guess he probably wasn't happy with it either, but it was so, like, who is this guy? How did he get on Kimmel? And then I looked him up, and I was like,

holy shit, he's huge on Twitter and everything. I've never seen his live comedy. Well, Twitter's, you know, he got in early too, and I think Twitter's one of those things where you literally can go viral and just be a regular person who says something funny and one person sees it and they send it to other people the next thing you know you got a million followers yep you know you know happens a lot also is when Twitter first came

out they I guess they added to the people you should follow list yeah and there's so many people like I met a comic the other day that has like almost a million I'm like I've never heard of this guy yeah and he told me it was because that Twitter put him on some list once and then every time you signed up for Twitter, you automatically just added him. That's a good list to get on. But the thing is, you guys know as well as I do,

having a lot of followers does not necessarily mean there's a lot of engaged followers. I'll click on some people who have 2 million followers and they'll tweet something relatively funny and it'll be like 3 retweets. And then you get somebody who has 100,000 and then they tweet something really funny and the next thing you And you get like three retweets. And then you get somebody who has like 100,000 and then they tweet something really funny and next thing you know, 5,000 retweets.

It's not a precise science. But it's fun. Yeah, there's a lot of people buying Twitter followers and they don't really even get Twitter followers. They get like robots. It just makes your number look good. You get bullshit. There's a website you can look up people's Twitter names

and see how many are real, fake, bot. Oh, really? Mitt Romney got in trouble because he was buying a whole bunch of followers during the election. Yeah, but is that bad? Is it bad to do if someone does that? It makes them look less legit. That's what it makes them look like.

Well, yeah, because you have a comedy club where somebody goes, wow, this guy has two million hits. That's a lot of people that we can get into this comedy club. Exactly. People take those numbers very seriously. What if you're a funny guy? Say if you're a funny guy and people don't really know you but you're pretty good and you find out that you

could do that and then all of a sudden you can get work. I could see people justifying it. But imagine that that would only work so much. Well, if you're funny already. Let's take a guy that people don't know. Perfect example. Joey Diaz five years ago.

Five years ago, nobody knew who Joey Diaz was. If you could get Joey Diaz 250,000 Twitter followers and then let a club know, like, hey, this guy has 250,000 Twitter followers. People love him. Okay, that seems like a lot. Okay, well, let's try him. And then boom. Yeah, but none of this is what I was saying. Those Twitter followers aren't real, so they wouldn't come to the show.

Yeah, but he would get hired. He would get hired. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It would only work a couple times until the clubs go, wait a second. You're not bringing any asses in the seats. Yeah, maybe. I had an offer to tweet about some sort of new Doritos for money. Oh, really?

How much? It was like three grand a tweet. Oh, three grand a tweet? That's great. For real? Dude, I could buy some Doritos. Wait a minute. Hold on. They pay you to tweet about Doritos? I had the offer. Oh. Three grand a tweet? That's great. For real? Dude, I could bust some Doritos. Wait a minute. Hold on.

They pay you to tweet about Doritos? I had the offer. I couldn't do it. I was employed at Epic at the time. Huh. That's interesting. How many people are getting paid to tweet? And what is the most?

I need to start doing it. I want to make sure. I'm not going to do it. But I'm going to make sure that everybody knows right now I've never been paid to tweet. Ever. I've been accused of it before. But when I tweet about something, if I like it, it's just because it's cool. That's the key, Rand.

It's like you can start taking that money, but then your cred starts going down. You can't. I don't think you can. I can't. I was saying you hypothetically could, but if you did, then nobody would believe anything. If you're like, I like this thing, they're like, do you like it or are you being paid for it? Okay, well, let's have a, how about a for instance? What if you're a known enthusiast of certain things?

Like you like nice cars. What if Ferrari says, hey, we want to pay you to tweet about the 458 Italia? All right. It's a fucking awesome car. You want me to just let people know that I think it's awesome? It's indisputable. It's awesome. I would do that.

But, you know, if someone, I think the 458's a little girly looking. How dare you? I do. How dare you? Are you an F430 guy? Put that next to the Aventador. I'll tell the 458's a little girly-looking, actually. How dare you? I do. How dare you? Are you an F430 guy? Put that next to the Aventador, dude. I'll tell you... That's a bitch car.

That's for guys who need way too much attention. Okay. That's not good for you. That Aventador? That's, like, silly. What are you, Batman? What are you doing with that big, stupid... If it's blacked out, too?

You should see it in Raleigh, dude. It's a funny car. But you have one of those, an Aventador? How dare you? How dare you? I drive the Aventador, and she drives the Gallardo LP560 to Bojangles. See, the Gallardo is a much more realistic vehicle to be driving around. An Aventador, that's a fucking Batmobile.

That looks like, if you'd ask an eight-year-old, what his dream car would be. How fast is it? It's pretty fucking fast. Is it scary? 0-60 in 2.8. Is it scary to drive? It's not as scary as the older Lamborghinis. They've refined it a lot.

Traction control and all that shit? Yeah, yeah. The air conditioning works, right? So if Aventador came to you and said, hey, we want to pay you, you would do it now? They should pay me retroactively because I tweet about it the damn thing all the time. They should pay you. Listen to how arrogant Cliffy B is. He wants money from Lamborghini. This motherfucker, can you believe this shit?

He thinks Lamborghini owes him money. Unbelievable. No, you, it's a niche business. You should be happy to support them because if it wasn't for Lamborghini owes him money. Unbelievable. No, it's a niche business. You should be happy to support them because if it wasn't for Lamborghini making Lamborghinis, nobody would be making Lamborghinis. And you would be left out in the cold with no Batmobile. Fair enough. What would you get if you didn't have that?

Would you go Ferrari or do you think it's too girly? McLaren. McLaren? Yeah. McLarens don't sound good. Yeah. That's a problem. There's something missing in that new car.

Pull that thing up. McLaren's new car. I've gotten the classic Boner too lately. Like the Shelby Cobra. Yes. And then there was one at a car show, and I learned that the real ones go for like a million. Oh, yeah.

Like I had no idea. Yeah, but you can get a replicant. It's just as fun to drive. You know, probably better. You can get better brakes and shit. Well, those guys who get those old muscle cars and they have them stock, like, I get it. You're driving like a little time machine.

I like, you know, you like the fact that it has like shitty steering and shitty brakes. It's safety, man. Safety is fun. Yeah. It's like a rhino on roller skates and those fucking things. I'm fucking like, I lost my fucking nephew a couple years ago in a car accident. I'm just like fucking safety, safety, safety, man. Well, people have asked me about this recently i think i've talked about on the podcast

but i got rid of this barracuda that i had because i was driving on the highway and i got home i pulled into my driveway and i was i was making a turn all of a sudden the suspension came detached from the frame and the front wheel went sideways and stuck up into the fender like out of nowhere i was just turning i mean i was in my driveway there wasn't there was nothing crazy i was doing yeah and i was on the highway just minutes before that going like 70 miles an hour and if that flew off i easily could be dead right now and so i got it all fixed look at that fucking thing that is sexy as shit right with yellow and black like that a fucking bumblebee from hell. That's awesome. So I got it fixed perfectly.

I brought it to a place that was too low. It was bottoming out, and the bottom of the bolt was hitting pavement on a regular basis. It broke off, actually. So I had the whole thing reconstructed, done correctly, and then got rid of the fucking thing.

The Lambos have the button to raise the front up by like four inches. There's a company that's doing um um a vx challenger it's fucking badass man they figured out a way is that a vx xv xv challenger hold on they take these old cars like old muscle cars like barracuda yeah that's it pull this thing up xv challenger they take these old muscle cars but Barracuda. Yeah, that's it. Pull this thing up. XV Challenger. They take these old muscle cars, but they put a modern suspension in it that's completely designed just for this car. So they figured out how to take these old, like, really heavy cars and just completely redesign the suspension to where it drives like a Corvette. But it looks like an old muscle car.

I mean, look how wicked that thing is. Dude, have you seen the new Stingray? It's gorgeous. Oh, yeah, it's incredible. Like, for just American muscle. Matt Farah, the guy who does the smokingtire.com, he does a bunch of videos for Drive as well and Drive Tuned.

He sent me a tweet about it immediately. He's like, you got to find out how you can get in one of these things. It's the most incredible car that Corvette has ever built. Yeah. It's insane. Yeah, it's just gorgeous. They nailed it everywhere.

They nailed the interior. They nailed the exterior. They nailed the specs. They nailed the performance. They nailed the build quality. Like, people were driving and going, this is like a fucking masterpiece. Those Audi sedans lately are just gorgeous too well gm has been knocking it out of the fucking park lately because they also have the new camaro

and then the camaro z28 which they just released which goes around the nurburgring as fast as a porsche 911 turbo for like less than half the price the scariest fastest car i've ever been it was a 911 turbo one of my old uh co-workers that thing was just fucking terrifying yeah i had one of those at one point in time i had a um 996 911 turbo which was the uh first water-cooled one broke down like crazy fun fact is uh they used my aventador's sound for some of the reference for the new forza game well that was one thing that lamborghini got right is the sound lamborghini and flames shoot out the back of it when I get past 8,000 RPM. Yeah, there's a video where a guy's cooking a sausage

using the back of an Aventador because so many flames are shooting out of it. Wow. My wife's like, honey, you may not want to rev that at the gas station. That's badass.

What is the actual horsepower? It's got... It's like six something, right? It's almost 698 or something like that. It's just... Apparently there's a game where, and I haven't done it yet, where you put a $100 bill on the passenger dash

and tell them if you can grab that in the next four seconds, you can keep it. Because the force is so strong. Really? Yeah. Wow. Honestly, man, it's way too much. It's orange. It's just silly.

You drive an orange car, you silly bitch? I do. How dare you? I do too. It should be matte black, maybe. Dude, I've caused accidents by people gawking. I bet. That's it right there, right? Here we go. He's gonna cook the sausage.

Wow, that's a cool dash. It's all digital. Yeah. There we go. Wow, that's insane, man. Okay. I changed my mind. That's probably the dopest thing I've ever seen. I'm a child. If you show me flames coming out of a car, you win. Dude, the doors.

It's like you roll up somewhere, and it's just like opening that thing, and now it's just like the Kill Bill music plays. Do you like driving it, though? Is it a fun car to drive? It's not as fun as the LP560, because you get a nice 75-degree Raleigh day, put the top down on that thing, and it is just golden.

And the thing is, you know, I speed just in short bursts, very carefully. You know, because knock on wood, never had a ticket in any of my sports cars ever. Well, they're fun. That's what people don't realize. They're fun to just drive around. You don't necessarily even have to drive fast.

Just taking a corner at 35 miles an hour in a car like that is really fun to do. The best thing to do in a car like that. Whoa, what is that, Brian? That's one of those cars. Yeah, but why is it all fucking weirded out? No, it's just tronned. Oh, they tronned it out? They tronned it.

It looks fucking terrible. It's like Chris Brown or the Spider-Man. I think it looks pretty dope. That thing's pretty badass. I mean, that looks like a Batmobile car. That was all matte black. That's a Phoenix Jones car. Yeah.

If I was a girl, I'd fuck you if you had that car. Oh, the charcoal matte gray ones? Yeah. Yeah, they're fucking gorgeous. The charcoal matte gray is a dope... That makes a lot of shapes look pretty badass. But in America, you're raised... Women are raised with this,

oh, you're going to be a princess and get married someday, you know, and program with that. But as a guy, you know, the Italian sports cars, you know, the posters on the wall, right? Like it was always the Lambo and the Ferrari. And the Gallardo, when I first got that, it was wonderful, and I was fucking so appreciative. But when I got the Aventador, like the first night,

I just kind of sat in there. Like, you know, at the end of the the night I just went down and just sat in it and my wife's sitting there looking at me and she's like are you gonna fucking cry and I'm like were you ready to cry

I was a little of a clement have you seen the sensitive part of Cliffy B oh I'm a giant pussy you were about to cry cause you achieved dreams yeah

and did you cry in her arms and just say baby without you wouldn't be even worth anything I'll tell you what dude in the grand scheme of things my Australian shepherd

costs how much less and has given me so much more joy. Than your car? Yeah. Okay, not than your wife. Okay, we were in the middle of that. Yeah. I was like, how dare you, sir? How dare you? Oh, God, no. That's a fucking expensive goddamn car, son. That's like a half

a million dollars. You're not supposed to be just driving around a half a million dollar house that only has two seats. It goes zero to sixty in three seconds. You should see the trunk. Brian, can you find the boot? It's hilarious.

Can you put your dick in there? I've got a big trunk so I put my bike in it. Easy. Clearly, if you have a big car like that you obviously have to have a small cock, so... No, that's just... That's what they say. People who don't have that car want to think.

They want to think that there's got to be some way that not having that car is better than having that car. I knew a dude in Raleigh. He had this gorgeous red Maserati, and he would always take it out to the clubs. Really? And he, at one time, dude had a Sunday fun day, and cops tailed him. He wrapped it around a tree, fucking died. And his wife, his fiancee was pregnant to the clubs. Really? And he, at one time, dude had a Sunday fun day and cops tailed him. He wrapped it around a tree, fucking died. And his wife,

his fiance was pregnant at the time. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, fucking, that kind of thing, man, is my sober reminder. Like, first off, don't fucking take the car

out to the club. And second off, just be careful, man. Yeah, don't drive like an asshole. You can enjoy your car and not drive like an asshole. The best thing to do

with those cars, dude, is you go underneath an overpass. Oh, yeah. Downshift. Yeah. It's like a Meg fucking fighter jet. Yeah. Roll the window down and listen to the noise. And any car with a nice engine. Yeah. That's my fear about the future, man. You got

connect, you have touch screens, you have electronic cars. The Tesla's gorgeous, right? But it's like... No noise. You want that feedback, that vroom, you know? Yeah. Well, that's the thing about the McLaren. Like, we were looking at the car. It's absolutely beautiful, but the sound it makes is very uninspiring. Yeah.

Because it's turbocharged. It's like turbocharged cars, they just don't have that same sound. Did you watch after Paul Walker died the Top Gear of the Porsche Carrera? I saw the Top Gear a long time ago. Jeremy Clarkson spinning around in it. Yeah, it took the Stig all morning to get around the fucking track once yeah just like and that was a gorgeous car too well it's a very scary car yeah it's not a car that's easy to handle that that mid-engine design extremely high horsepower very low weight there's a lot of room for the tires to break loose like one of the things like

about a porsche or uh like a bmw is one of the things they're really good about is they're really good about engineering their cars so that the car doesn't overwhelm the suspension. Even with these incredible cars they have today, like the new 911 Turbo, the Turbo S, goes 0-60 in 2.7 seconds. It's insane.

Dual clutch? Yeah, dual clutch. That's all they make. They don't make a manual in the Turbo anymore. 0-60. Sh 30 milliseconds. Instantaneously. Amazing. But they don't let you even buy a manual anymore. Yeah. And the suspension is fucking staggering. The back wheels steer now. They have steering back wheels on the Porsche 911 Turbo and on the GT3. And the braking power when you get to a supercar like that.

So for me, it's like, as a guy who knows nothing about technology other than what I've read, like I have zero skill or knowledge or education in technology. So when I see stuff like this, to me it's just like a totally new world, a world of fascination and accomplishment. And what we're looking at right now is the Road roadster for the Aventador and here's again the problem is taking these you gotta take the fucking panels off and

And you got to put them somewhere the actually they actually will fit in the boot of the car Oh, but this guy's not doing it This guy looks like he's about to die too And that's what you look like when you can afford an Aventador either cliffy B Or you're some dude who's been working some slave job for Lehman Brothers your whole life and you're ready to die. And that's when you finally say to your wife, fuck you, bitch. I'm buying this fucking car. And she says, fuck you.

I'm getting a divorce. That's the whole thing about guys who have to have a man cave. I'm like, really? You get one room in the house. Wow. It's okay. I can ask for it sometimes, Cliffy B. Not everybody can be like you.

I'm crying. There's a lot of people that they have to settle for what they got. Or maybe they're fucking over their head. That's also possible. Yeah. Like a guy who's like a not very good looking guy has a really good looking girlfriend who knows she's really good looking. So this poor bastard, he can't go all Cliffy B style and drive around in a Ventedor. He's got to play things real close to the chest and try to keep this fucking.

It's like he wants to make sure that she doesn't run. Fair enough. See what she's got to play things real close to the chest and try to keep this fucking... It's like he wants to make sure that she doesn't run. Fair enough. See what she's got to do. Brian, call up the Roadster, Aventador Roadster in like a pale baby blue. That's a beautiful car, man. What is it? Aventador Roadster? Yeah, Aventador Roadster.

But look up like blue because there's this like metallic kind of almost Carolina blue that just looks like it belongs in Miami, just crushing it, just gorgeous. That's my next target. A Ventador Roadster? Yeah. Now, do you ever drive cars with manual transmission? My Viper was. That's my favorite. So much more engaging.

I learned to drive stick on Tim Sweeney's Lamborghini. Even if you're not driving fast, it's just more fun. And the thing about the Lamborghinis and the Ferraris is that gated shifter. Boy, that's going to be like, people are going to miss that. The click, click, click,

click. A lot of the diehard gearheads do. And by the way, I'm not going to front and say I know a lot about the car. I'm not like that. I just know it goes, right? I just love it because it's just gorgeous. John Lovitz let me drive his car way back in the day when we were on news radio together. And he had a Ferrari 355. And it was the gated shifter.

And it was a convertible, too. And I was driving. I was like, this might be the coolest fucking car I've ever been in my life. Because the sound was incredible. I was like, this sound, like, makes me feel better. It's like, it's intoxicating. It really is. And the click, click, click, click.

It wasn't even about driving it super fast. That's a McLaren Roadster. That's fucking devastating. I think that's the Aventador. Is it really? Yeah. It's all shaky video. Why is it so shaky?

I know, right? Stay still, bitch. Get a better phone. But the start button on the Aventador has a little like red cap over it like a fighter jet. You have to lift it up and press the fucking button. I love it.

Everything's in Italian as far as like, you don't have, it doesn't say gas or fuel, it says benzina. Ooh. Right, like, and it's just that,

and when I bring friends in the car, I'm like, would you like do the honors of pressing the fighter jet button? And it's just, you have to start, you have to start it

like once a week or the battery doesn't charge or whatever. It's the alternator, I think. So like, if you don't have a plug in your garage and you go away for two seconds. You have to start it like once a week or the battery doesn't charge or whatever. It's the alternator, I think. So, like, if you don't have a plug in your garage and you go away for two seconds. You have to start it once a week. If you don't run it on an average once a week. It happens with all supercars, dude. Really?

Yeah, like Ferraris as well. They're just bricked. You've got to get a jump. That sounds ridiculous. Yeah, Biggie was right. More money, more problems. Yeah, well, you could always put a trickle charger on it, can't you? Yeah, you could. Yeah, it's just probably always put a trickle charger on it, can't you? Yeah, you could.

Yeah, it's just probably your electronic system is draining because it's made by Italians. Silly bitches. If you've got a fucking one of those Lexus LFA supercars, those half-a-million-dollar Lexuses. Have you seen those? Oh, that's their attempt to make the fast supercar, right? Yeah. They made an amazing car, so it's not that good looking. Yeah, exactly.

The look is just not feeling it. Well, it's kind of ironic because it's similar performance-wise to the Nissan GT-R. You look at the numbers, they're very commensurate. And then it's like, if you look at the looks, it's not much better looking than the Nissan GT-R. But then you look

at the price, and it's like, it's a half a million. The Nissan GT-R is 100 grand. Do they still have to import the GT-Rs? No, they make them here now, I think. I got a couple buddies have them. They swear by them. They're just great cars. They're amazing cars. Nissan GTR is one of the greatest cars that people have ever designed and created.

People love the NSX also. I had one. I had two of those, actually. I had one. I got rid of it. I got the Porsche. The Porsche broke down like five times, and then I got another NSX. And I put a supercharger on it. When I had the Aventador delivered, it was the first one in North Carolina, and they only had the trailers for the other types of cars,

and it got stuck in the trailer. Oh, wow. And they couldn't get it out, and so the drivers didn't know what to do, so I called my buddies, a couple big boys, and they basically got some dish soap, and were able to kind of pry the car out by putting dish soap underneath the tires after it pulled up and pulled back. Jesus.

Because it came from Greensboro, and it had kind of wedged itself in the trailer, and you couldn't do the Austin Powers 15-point turn. Wow. Yeah, and it actually went up with a couple of little minor scratches on it, which the dealers, of course, assured me that when I have it serviced. I've got to put it on a truck and ship it to Greensboro. Both of them, if I need them serviced. The GTR is actually made at one factory in Japan,

and they make them by hand. And apparently they lose money on the car. Wow, really? Yeah. Well, there's a how it's made for a Lamborghini, or a dateline went behind the scenes

in how it was all made. And it's all dudes hand-making at the factory, and for some reason, all women doing the stitch work. And he just did the tour of the factory. That's how it should be.

They should be making sandwiches too, Cliffy B. Joe, that's misogynistic. should just buy a mean you should buy a blackbird instead like a blackbird like a jet yeah because i mean that's probably the same amount what are you talking about those cost a billion dollars you knucklehead those are like a billion dollars is that the sr71 yep yep decommissioned yeah yeah but you could probably get a used one well we just get us into the Transformers 3, I think. A Nissan GTR Black Edition, $109,000.

And it probably feels just as fast as that fucking thing. Not really. But it's pretty goddamn fast. Yeah. Those cars are insanely fast. I love sending my wife around town in the white top-down. People just lose their shit. You love sending her out there?

Well, like if she... Are you, like, cock-holding? Is that what's going on? Yeah, yeah. I get mending. What's happening? What are you saying? You like sending her out there? Are you, like, cock-holding? Is that what's going on? Yeah, yeah. I get mending. What's happening? What are you saying? You like sending her out there.

Why would you? She's running an errand. Why would you get all that attention? Oh, calm down. You need to burka her up, man. Yeah. Keep her locked up in a castle somewhere. One of the MMA fighters grabbed her ass when you were in Charlotte.

That's shocking. A cage fighter who's rude? I don't even understand what you're saying. You're making sense, man. Yeah, we went to that bowling alley, Lucky Strike, down there at the Charlotte. Charlotte's a good town, man, but it feels about as hip as the bankers that built it. Really? It doesn't have a lot of heart because they fucking destroyed all the old buildings and just rebuilt new shit, so you feel like you're in the Matrix.

So what is Raleigh as opposed to Charlotte? Raleigh's more down-home? Raleigh's, it's just, you know, a lot of the developers have embraced the history in a lot of the restaurants. You know, they leave the old brick. They don't knock

the whole thing down, you know. We were talking about there's a bar right next to Charlie Goodnight's. I guess it's actually downstairs from Charlie Goodnight's.

It's like a rodeo bar. They have like the fucking mechanical bull and shit. Fucking City Limits. Yeah. And me and Ari and Brian, were you there too?

I think and Eddie Bravo too We were there Doing stand up And we went downstairs And they were all singing along To this song And we were all looking at each other Like

Like redneck woman or something It was like the scene In the Dawn of the Dead Where You know like The guy's in the car And the zombies are all around And like he's

In the original Dawn of the Dead And he's like Holy shit Like there's zombies are all around. And he's in the original Dawn of the Dead, and he's like, holy shit, there's zombies everywhere. And they're just starting to realize that. Yeah, yeah. That's what it felt like when we were in this bar. Because we're by ourselves, and then we hear this song coming on, and we don't know the words at all.

But everybody starts singing along. And then I got my pickup truck. Oh, no, it might be, why do you drink to get drunk? No, no, no. It was not something that was popular. I mean, it was popular for them, but it was, these are people that I had no idea who the fuck these people were. I mean, I never heard these songs.

They used to do Bikini Bull riding there. They knew the songs, though, man. They did that night. It was like top 10 country type shit that they knew. And I was like, well, this is where the country audiences are. A lot of the main country is a lot more rock than anything these days like rascal flats keith urban it's it's a little country but it's a lot of rena rock where is i'm saying just like uh keith urban and uh and rascal flats and those kinds of bands keith urban is like arena rock dude i went to a couple of his

shows it was fucking fantastic yeah look at that brian ebay oh it's only a million dollars just the tail rudder oh my god it's a tail rudder yeah that's all. Oh, it's only a million dollars. It's just a tail rudder. Oh, my God. It's a tail rudder? Yeah, that's all it is, and it's sold for $1 million. Oh, was it from a plane that crashed? Probably some historic. Yeah, it looks like a warehouse in San Diego.

Oh, my God, and it's sold? Some Saudi prince is going to buy that and make it his coffee table. He's going to jerk off on it every day. That's what I make. Jesus. That's a weird thing to buy for a million it every day. That's what I make. Jesus. That's a weird thing to buy for a million bucks. I feel like you could do better.

Right. Buy an oil platform, decommission one, start your own country. That's not a bad move. How much is an oil platform that doesn't work anymore? Expensive,

but not as expensive as you think. I've read articles on it where people like take the decommission one and they can have their own currency and make their own country.

There was an article on Vice. Everything awesome is on Vice. Yeah, everything cool is. There was a video on Vice about this woman who goes by the name of Neuro Soup. She was a stripper and then she got involved with this guy who was an ecstasy

dealer and it's a really crazy, fucked up, twisted tale involving murder and all kinds of nutty shit and the FBI. And she was living with this guy in a fucking bomb shelter. Not a bomb shelter, but like a missile silo. They had converted a missile silo into this really beautiful, high-end, luxury house. A scene with it because it's multi-tiered, right? Yeah, yeah, something along those lines.

All underground, yep. Missile silo, here, I'll Google it, but she has this incredible story. They got kidnapped, and he was going to kill them. The guy was just gacked out on fucking drugs, and he was selling drugs, and he was also in cahoots with the DEA or the FBI or something like that. He was working undercover while he was selling drugs. Yeah, also like in cahoots with the DEA or the FBI or something like that.

He was working undercover while he was selling drugs. Yeah, dude. If I ever want to get anything done, I don't go on device. Like the Liberia documentary they did about General Buck naked. Yeah. Because you remember that they made him a character in Book of Mormon, but he was a real fucking guy. Yeah, he was. Yeah, that guy's a scary fucking guy, man.

Now he's like a reformed and he's like a preacher or something now. That guy's a scary fucking guy, man. Now he's like a reformed and he's like a preacher or something now. Well, not only that, he's killed thousands of people and they absolved him of all of his murders because he found Christ. Yeah. He was talking openly on Vice about eating babies. Yeah, and eating hearts too. Yeah, cutting the hearts out of the innocent children and drinking their blood to make them victorious in battle. To get their strength and shit.

Like, whoa, man. Yeah, and then they went into North Korea at one point on Vice. Like, it's just nonstop, like, crazy shit. Like, whoa, man. And then they went into North Korea at one point on Vice. Like, it's just nonstop, like, crazy shit. Yeah, this is a video. The Vice video is available online. It's Hamilton Morris' Pharmacopia. Hamilton, who's been on the podcast before, he did a video about it. But there's an actual article that may have not been on Vice that's about it.

So you just do a little Googling, you'll find it. But the story is absolutely incredible. That's the thing is you're crowdsourcing interesting stuff through your Twitterverse. Yeah. Well, they get you in touch with stuff that you probably wouldn't find on your own, and in turn, you get them in touch. It's sort of like a relationship that, you know, bees pollinate things. And, you know, seeds, you eat a grapefruit, you take a shit,

the seeds go into the ground and they grow grapefruits. Symbiotic. Yeah, this symbiotic relationship that we have with people on the internet now, if you exploit it correctly or you utilize it correctly is a better way of using it. It's incredibly rewarding. Did you ever do a tweet up anywhere? A tweet up? Yeah, we just tweet you're going to be at the fucking mall on Thursday. That's a good way to get touched.

Yeah, fair enough. I'm not into that, buddy. I'm not into that kind of shit. I know what you're saying. You think all Hollywood people Are like that I swear to you Uh huh

What was it that girl said last night She's like Trying to get you to fix her hair At the That's a good way to say it Yeah and then she's like Oh yeah I know it's weird Nobody does this

In LA or something We're like okay What fix my hair That's like the California thing Joe Bitch go to the fucking salon Seriously Touching your fucking greasy hair Weird bitch With your lice Your head lice the my favorite california thing is whenever you know

someone's from california in the first 30 seconds they tell you something incredibly detailed and intimate about their life like oh yes i used to be addicted to drugs or like i was molested and i'm like don't burden me with this shit i don't want to know that sad but that's why they're here yeah you know it's weird is also the, obviously, people create all over the world. No doubt about that. But when you come to creating things that get attention, this is like the hub of the universe. Creating things that get attention. It's almost all in Hollywood.

It's like a big chunk of it, whether it's movies, TV shows, blah, blah, blah, blah. Who needs attention? People that didn't get enough or people that got too much of the wrong kind yeah and those are the ones that seek out and seek out validation so they all come here it's a weird mathematical process I always loved Angeline I believe you always loved her no the whole blonde bombshell just put up fucking billboards of herself became famous just for that I saw her the other day just like picking her nose and eating it and then you posted something about you saw somebody picking your nose

and eating it like the day after I something about you saw somebody picking your nose and eating it the day after, and I'm like, what the fuck? That's hilarious. She has that pink Corvette around town. Old lady in a wig. She was on the PCH, the package of the PCH on the merge. We're stopped at the light, and I look behind, and I watch this old lady in a wig just dig, pull out a Whopper, and just start chewing. I mean, she was openly chewing it.

Mouth open chewing it. I mean she was openly chewing a mouth open chewing and I was like wow And all I could think of of course for the rest of the day was that she probably came over here in 1955 and she wanted to be a star and she was hot and it just didn't work out and now she's wearing a wig on The PCH chewing her burgers and her her blue Saturn with fucking faded out paint It was very very weird watch. I thought she always drove a vet. No, that's Angeline.

She saw Angeline. I saw some random crazy lady with a light blue Saturn. I do that with people. I try to piece together what their story was. What's with that fucking... Mine always goes down

to drugs and blowjobs. The stories are all... They're very unoriginal. They always... Somewhere along the line, someone blew Burt Reynolds. That's always in my stories. What's that fucking water, they're very unoriginal. Yeah. They always, you know, somewhere along the line, someone blew Burt Reynolds. That's always in my stories. What's that fucking water that they're advertising all over LA?

Water? 138 or something. What is that? Billboards. It's just like hot chicks and some bottled water. I don't even know if it's like a Banksy fake thing or something. Are you serious? I haven't seen it.

And then the bubble head renders on the bus benches also within LA proper. Bottled water. It's weird. Sexy water. This is the best water. You're not even drinking Voss, bro. Terrible for the environment. Bottled water is?

Somebody show me a photo of a place in LA that just serves water. And you pick your water and they describe the spring that it's from. Oh, those guys are assholes. You're LA-ing so hard right now. That's not true. That's got to be a parody. That's some Tim and Eric shit. What's your color?

138 water. Yeah, that's it. Clairvoyance. Wait a minute. Cool blue clairvoyance. Why does it say clairvoyance? Are you trying to tell me that I could read minds with your fucking... I think that's what it is.

It's the bottle's different color. So you just choose the color you want. What does it say? That's the color of the... What does that one say, though? Fuck vitamin water. No, that one says clairvoyance to they all say clairvoyance Look everyone you click on and what does it say also sexy something but sexy. What does it say in the middle? Jesus you scrolling freak

Hold it in place. Oh my god. Where are you going up the actual thing the logo itself? It's like using a connect bossy black and what's black, and what's below that? Clairvoyance? But it said sexy. One of them was sexy something. Like that's one of the colors. Color name. Placebo water. What did they tell?

Come on. You're telling me your water is sexy? You fuck. That shit will drown you. Is that sexy? Sunshine yellow. I water barred you and find out your terrorist information. This is the first fashion water.

Okay, find out which one is sexy so I can make sure I never fucking drink it ever again. Gotta be a fucking practical joke. Sexy red. Fuck you. How about that? 138 water. Sexy red. You silly bitches. I'm giving them a plug. That's your name. You come for the water. Sexy red. Fuck you. How dare you?

How dare you treat me like I'm that stupid? Man, I just wish I had some sex. Can't get any sex, dude. Nobody wants to give me no sex. But I'll buy some sexy red water. Is she a part of this? She's drinking it. Okay, I take it back.

She's very pretty. My buddy's dating her right now, actually. She's a sweetheart. Listen, don't drop names on my podcast anymore. It's making me uncomfortable. Okay. You and your buddy. Okay.

Well, I was trying to be... What? Is Dana really? Yeah. She's as fucking cool as hell. Have you seen them together? Yes. Sure he's not paying her? Because if I was a girl like Adrian Curry, what I would do is I would start a service to make people

look cool. I would just hang out with them. So I'd say, hey, I'm just dating this guy now. That doesn't make any sense. Not fair enough. It doesn't make any sense. It's not fair enough. No, I mentioned that because if somebody had a problem with her, I'd be like, well, I know her, so don't be mean. Oh, you were defending her without her being attacked?

That's beautiful. I'm white knighting. White knighting in advance. Fucking internet. You're getting white knight in advance. That is one of the grossest things about the internet, is it not? The white knight? What's the white knight?

The white knight. It's a chess movie from the 80s. It's the guy who's like, oh, guys are being misogynistic to you. I'm going to come in and save you. Yeah, they always want to assure you that they're different from all the other men. Those other men out there are assholes. An acquaintance of mine started a website called

fatuglyorslutty.com and so the idea is if you're playing an online video game and you're actually a female, they assume you're either fat, ugly, or slutty. Well, it's a weird thing where people want to profess the fact that they don't hate women like they'll have it in their twitter uh handle don't hate women you know i don't hate women like duh like how many people do like is it isn't it like more likely less people hate women than more people hate women the fact that you have to actually say that it seems like,

what numbers are we working with? Yeah. I mean, is it, what a percentage of people hate women? Is it even one? The thing about women in the video game industry

is having personally known many of them, the stories I fucking hear from them are fucking horrifying. What do you mean? Like, as far as sexual harassment? Yeah, all that shit.

Of course, they're working with men. Men suck. But that's not my point. Random dudes leaving presents on their desk anonymously and shit. Ooh, that's creepy. Especially if you take that home and that person's got a remote control camera. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my little nanny bear.

Yeah, the GPS, yeah. Well, that's the hacking of people's webcams and then demanding that they find a couple naked pictures and then demand that the girl gives them more. They recently busted a guy for that. Of course. There's always going to be a guy that fucks everything up for everybody else. There's always going to be one douchey dude who does shitty things. And especially if you could do it anonymously in an office like that and just creep her out.

Yep. But they could find that. They have cameras. They could figure out who the fuck's doing that. Yeah. It's, I don't know. I haven't had my feet in those shoes. You'd have the same issue though

if you a twink like yourself if you were uh involved in a play i'm actually a beautiful man i'm actually power bottom but if you were involved in a company with a bunch of like really aggressive large gay men yeah it's like a big bunch of linebackers who you know just also were gay and they started a company and they employed you yeah that'd be even more threatening i wouldn't fare well in prison. I'd have Kool-Aid in my lips in the first fucking week. That's a great way of describing it. I wouldn't fare well.

I have a pretty mouth. I wouldn't fare well. That's not like pirate talk. I wouldn't fare well in that prison. The scurvy would be acting up. They would get me with their cucks. You'd get my citrus. What was that accent?

Yeah, being pursued is not fun, whether it's unwanted, whether you're a man or a woman. But it's way creepier if you're a woman because men are physically larger. Physically larger usually and more violent and creepier. Yeah. You know, like everybody wanted to get scared because of the movie like Fatal Attraction, the bunny burner. You know, she's boiling bunnies and shit. She wants to kill him and he has to kill her at the end. But for women, that's like par for theraction, the bunny burner. She's boiling bunnies and shit. She wants to kill him, and he has to kill her at the end. But for women, that's par for the course.

It's way more common, but it just doesn't manifest itself in movies. The fucking catcalls. That's the thing. Has that ever worked? I saw that happen to my dad, my stepdad, when I was a kid in San Francisco. I saw some guy whistle at him.

He was with me, man. I was fucking seven. And some guy, he was walking, and I was a kid in San Francisco, I saw some guy whistle at him. Well, he was with me, man. I was fucking seven. Yeah. And some guy, he was walking down, he's like, whew, or whatever. How did that get universal, too, by the way? Right? How did whew, whew? That's like, okay, okay is global.

Yeah, it is, right? You can be in the most random country and say, okay, okay. Okay, okay. And everyone fucking knows it. Yeah. It's like you see video of the most third world nation and inevitably there's Coca-Cola there. I wonder who came up with bounce about bow It was just you know where it came from is it will the original like it used to be the classic porn sound right?

But that sound though is like all you have to do is go bounce about bow when someone walks by and that very specific Right. It's pretty much that maybe it varies a little bit like specific, right? It's pretty much that. Maybe it varies a little bit, like, but you could say that, but you're a little bit more sophisticated. To the average person to the average person It's got it on its MIDI keyboard.

To the average person that saw two people that are holding hands, they start making out, and you look at them and you go, automatically. Brown chicken cocoa. Yeah, what is that? How did that one make it through? It's cultural. You can't map it. I know, but it's

fascinating. Have you noticed, everyone is saying literally amazing about everything now. I don't hang out with those people, man. Alright, fair enough. You know what everybody is saying though? You know. And I do it too, and I fucking hate it. I was listening for it the other day in an interview. I heard like a hundred you knows in one conversation it's the new uh and i do it i'm trying to avoid doing it it's hard when you know you're trying to you know trying to you know figure out

what the fuck you're gonna say you know i hate i hate listening to myself i hate fucking watching myself the problem with it though is once you're aware of it you can't not think of your nose yeah it's like your nose just permeate your brain, and you can't listen to a conversation. Because you want to interrupt and say, don't say you know again. Don't do it. But they're going to say it again. I'll call people out on the literally thing. I'll have a few friends who'll be like, I'm literally dying here.

I'm like, really? Do I need to get to the fucking ER? What's going on? Yeah, the misuse of the word literally. They actually changed the definition of it. Yeah. Really? Who did? It basically means, I think the Oxford Dictionary or whatever. So actually changed the definition of it. Yeah. Really? Who did?

So it basically means, I think the Oxford Dictionary or whatever, so that it essentially means figuratively now. You sure it's not the Urban Dictionary, dude? I don't know if Oxford, did they really? Dude, Urban Dictionary, man, 90% of that shit's made up. Well, if you want to keep a job, you will make up some urban expression, son. We got books to sell. Yep.

We got people to outfit. That's like private prisons. Once there's money involved in it, it just goes, gets crazy. You just, son. We got books to sell. Yep. We got people to outfit. That's like private prisons. Once there's money involved in it, it just goes, gets crazy. You just, well. Baochika wawao, a verbal means referencing a sexual encounter, act, or deed. Also used to identify someone or thing that is sexual. Hmm. I got this girl at the club and baochika wawao.

Wow. That guy has a dazzled shirt. Yeah. He's probably got one of those ones that has Japanese writing in foil. You know, those affliction ones with a tight V-neck. Mike Posner, the guy that wrote that song, If I can write you a song... He has a song called Bow Chicka Wow Wow.

Does he really? Clever bastard. I saw him live recently. He was good. He's actually from... He was going to Duke when he started his music career I think, right? So he's having a call with a girl. Production value is kind of Ark Music Factory. Shut this off immediately.

What are you trying to do to America? Do you hate America? Are you with the terrorists? I'm a Posner fan. Were you open for what, Kesha? You can't really judge the guy based on the ten seconds of very stressful spraying

and nonsense through the air. Back in magic. Axe deodorant. Yeah. Axe body spray. You better ax them, buddy. Jakar.

Jakar just went away on its own. Sort of like the plague. I'm bringing it back. Are you bringing it back, Jakar? I used to bathe in that shit in high school. I bet you did, you son of a bitch. With you staring at your poster of your Lamborghini saying, one day world, I'll fucking show you all. I'll show you. Cliffy, be a bitch. With you staring at your poster of your Lamborghini saying, One day, world, I'll fucking show you all. I'll show you.

Cliffy, be a rise. I'm going to be a mega villain. How did you guys wind up in North Carolina? Was that just where Epic was? One of the main Epic guys was working for IBM. And he said, hey, come check it out. And if I was the person I am today and I moved to Raleigh in 1998, I'd be fucking miserable.

Why's that? Because back then all I cared about was that there was a fucking mall and a Burger King. And now you're more cultured. You're a different guy now, Cliff. I'm farm to table, Joe. Farm to table. Are you organic? No, fuck no.

Gluten free. Gluten free and organic. No, it's, no, I just, you know, I don't, I'm kind of over the big, big chains and shit. Yeah. I don't like it. Well, it's nice when you go to places like Seattle where you don't see too many chains. Seattle's a cool town in that. There's a lot of individual cities,

a lot of places that, or individual, rather, restaurants that are locally owned, locally operated, like that pit place. Yeah, well, that's... Chains. You don't want to go, like, let's go to fucking this place and go to Chili's.

Like, what the fuck? Those places have personality. Like, places that are individually owned and operated, they have a certain personality that you're never going to get at a TGI Friday's. Exactly, when the fuck? Those places have personality. Like, places that are individually owned and operated, they have a certain personality that you're never going to get at a TGI Friday's. Exactly. When the menu's too well-laminated

and just a little too slick, you're just like... Not that there's anything wrong with a Friday's, you know? Or Chili's. You want some baby back rings, wings, whatever. Baby back ribs.

What are those fucking commercials? Baby back ribs. Chili's. They're not bad. You know, if you're on the road. I had a buddy of mine visit from L.A. a couple months ago

and I took him to my friend's establishment and he says, dude, what do you think of Raleigh? And he goes, it's great. There're not bad. You know, if you're on the road. I had a buddy of mine visit from L.A. a couple months ago, and I took him to my friend's establishment. He says, dude, what do you think of Raleigh? And he goes, it's great. There's no chains. I told you he's with the terrorists. You hear how his friends talk? Yeah. What do you think of Raleigh?

He's Raleigh. Yeah, he's Moroccan. Oh, see? And he uses the word dude all the time. What is this? Tequila tequila converts to Nazism. Yeah. Tequila tequila would suck Satan's dick if it got her on TV.

How dare I say that Tequila converts Hold on, pull that down, read it Converts to Nazism, calls herself Hitler An anti-Semitic new song Hitler Alright

Come on, is that real? Yeah She's trying so hard Hey man, we're talking about her She's so fucking retarded. Come on, is that real? Yeah. She's trying so hard. She's still around. Bless her heart. Hey, man, we're talking about her. No shit, right? She wins.

That's the Kardashian factor, right? Yeah. She trolled us. Lauren's 19-year-old sister was talking about watching that show, and she didn't know that Kim Kardashian had a sex tape. Ooh. Well, did it make her feel better about the show or worse? She didn't really care.

A sex tape is sexy, though. That's one of the best ones. Yeah, because you like Big Black Cock. She just gets it. Be honest. She tunes into the BBC. Mm-hmm.

There will be a time, mark my words, in the future where it's like, you don't have a sex tape? What's wrong with you? Check mine out. Cliffy's saying this because he's about to release

a sex tape. I'm going to leak it. Yeah, you're going to accidentally leak it. Accidentally leak it. Yeah, she's one of the first that actually got hugely famous from it. Paris Hilton

got sort of famous from that. Boring. Hers was annoying. When she was blowing that guy and she kept answering the phone. Fucking rude etiquette. Terrible blowjob etiquette. It's your way of saying my phone and my phone calls are more important than your cock.

But she's basically like the Floyd Mayweather reality stars. You tune in because you hate her. She figured out how to market in that way. Become obnoxious in a way that people will tune in just to hate her. But they got tired of that after a while. She didn't fuck enough big black guys. Yeah, I hated that show with Nicole Richie. That was like, I just hated both of those girls.

Now where's Nicole Richie? You don't really ever hear about her anymore. Dude, she's got millions of followers on fucking Twitter. I think she's got kids now. It's just out of the loop. She where's Nicole Richie? You don't really ever hear about her anymore. Dude, she's still, she's got millions of followers on fucking Twitter. I think she's got kids now. It's just out of the loop. Yeah. Done with it all.

You either stay in the party group and die or become a family person. That sounds like you should put that in the beginning of a new video. Party or die. This is a new video. You either stay in the party group

and die. It's all the rockers, right? They either die or they become family men. Yeah. Or they become like, I watched Gene Simmons' Family Jew oh god now it's on access TV so crazy dumbest fakest show ever it's weird do you see the one where he I

think we talked about where he got vibrators glued to his hands and he had to go out and he couldn't take these vibrators off cuz somebody super glued him to his hand somehow it's weird because I was a huge Kiss fan, you know, and now I'm watching him. He's a business genius, though. And he's this weird, you know, older guy on a fake show. It's like, but you're Gene Simmons. You're like, you know, you're Gene Simmons. Like, what are you doing here?

What's going on here? You're God of Thunder. He probably sees it as marketing. Yeah, I'm sure. Dude, we saw, they came to town and they still did a fucking good show. Of probably sees it as marketing. Yeah, I'm sure. Dude, we saw, they came to town and they still did a fucking good show.

Of course, then I realized half the members are like new dudes. Two of them. Yeah, half of them, exactly. But my wife had no idea

what she was in for. She's like, what the fuck is going on right now? We had the same thing. We went and saw Gwar. Oh my God. I told her nothing.

And then, what's the main dudemain-dude goes, drink my bloody semen, as his cuddle fish sprays into the crowd. She's like, who the fuck are you? That is rude. Drink my bloody semen? Motley Crue opened for Kiss.

Really? Yeah, and Crue wasn't doing so good, man. Vince was like, he's with me. I feel good. He's with me. All right. They got Mick Mars like propped up oh wow

dude that was like growing up and listening to all that music the Sunset Strip was like this fucking mythical place right where giant girls

hair fucking Aquanet you know for comedians too man yeah the Sunset Strip has been a mythical place for a long ass time

yeah I still haven't seen that documentary on the Sunset Strip. It's supposed to be incredible. We're trying to get it. Matt Staggs is trying to get a copy of it.

It's on iTunes. Can you get it on iTunes? The documentary. That's where I watched it. Not the Showtime movie. Right, right. It's the same thing? Yeah.

The Showtime movie is the documentary? Yep. Oh, I was confused. I thought the Showtime movie had actors in it. It was a movie. No, it's a documentary.

Oh, I'm an asshole. Okay. I was like, when is this thing going, it's a documentary. Oh, I'm an asshole. Okay. I was like, when is this thing going to get released and why is it, I'm getting confused with this other Showtime documentary. Right. Or Showtime movie. I think it just premiered on Showtime but now they haven't, I watched it on iTunes I believe. Okay. Cliffy B, what's next for you?

Basically, looking to start a new studio. Looking to start a new studio to make some ridiculous, first-person, fast, manly-type shooter. A ventador of shooters. Something that makes you dick hard and shoot flames. Flames out your ass. When are you going to start doing this?

Talking to people about funding right now. Listen, bitches, get on it. It's Cliffy B you're talking to. It's not some rank amateur that hasn't been through the fucking cheese grinder since he was a child. It's, you know, when you're asking for a certain amount of money, there are certain strings attached and there's due diligence and all that shit. John Romero aside, you're a different person than him. Okay?

You're not going to get the penthouse. Fair enough. You're going to figure out how to keep it together. My thing, Joe, is I know my weaknesses and I joke that if, like, going to make my Avengers I need my core like six leads like a ninja art director a ninja chief operating officer like ninja just those kind of people

and then like you know we're all on the same page and build the studio slowly and intelligently build the community while you build the company while you build the game do you have a timeline

when you'd like to get off the ground? depends on when the ink dries on deals that are being negotiated. You know, my thing is... Deals. I don't want to go with... I'm scared of the old guard. Because, you know,

the last thing I need is some mid-level executive going, well, traditionally, this kind of game doesn't do well. Cunt! Therefore, we're going to not market it, and therefore it doesn't do well, so we told you so.

Son of a bitch. Yeah, I don't like that. At all. How about that? I mean, the problem in entertainment in general is the people who usually are responsible for the money are very rearward looking. Right? And it's like Gretzky says, go where the

fucking puck's going, not where the puck is. You know? You're quoting Gretzky? I love it. Yeah. Executives go around E3 and they're like, oh, that's a World War II shooter? We need one of that. It's like it doesn't fucking work that way. Isn't that kind of the problem with everything, though?

You get these mid-level managers who are trying to play the safe numbers and trying to shoot things straight down the middle, and then the creative types are like, why does it have to be the way it's always been? Why can't we do something weird? Let's do something crazy. Let's do Buffy the Vampire Slayer,

but fucking real shit. Yeah. Scary. Shadow Complex. You got to fail early, fail often. Dude, we're out of time. Come back again. Try shit. Yeah. Scary. Shadow Complex. You gotta fail early, fail often. Dude, we're out of time. Come back again.

Join us some more. Thanks for having me. And if people want to follow, it's TheRealCliffyB on Twitter. There's a bunch of fake Twitters for Cliff... How do you say your last name? Blazinski?

Blazinski. I did. I've known you for... I know, but I'm bad at Polish. Blazinski? It's a hard one. Joseph Roganowicz. You're Cliffy B, alright?

Never go all the way just a tip the uh um the Twitter's the real Cliffy B all the other Cliff Blazinski's are bullshit

they're all just some weird probably girls girls pretending to be you guys whatever it's the internet I don't know who it is but it's not the real Cliffy B

so the real Cliffy B is the real Cliffy B anything else anybody needs to go to what if they want information on Anybody need to go to? That's it, man. If they want information on you? No, just go to my Twitter. Follow Twitter.

That's where I talk shit the most. Beautiest, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks to our sponsors. Thanks to Stamps.com. Go click on the microphone, enter in the code word JRE, get your no-risk twile and $110 bonus offer,

including a digital scale and up to $55 of free postage. And thanks also to Carbonite. Go to carbonite.com and use the offer code JRE for a free trial. No credit card required plus two free bonus months with your subscription. That's carbonite.com, offer code JRE. And thanks also to onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T.

Use the code name Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements. Brian, what do you got going on? You got some shit happening? Wednesday, that's San Jose Improv. We're having a dirty show. And it's Tiffany Haddish, Sam Tripoli, and myself. Tickets are only $10 and available online at deathsquad.tv or improv.com. And also check out, Joe, you were just

in Thunder Pussy Friday and it was one of the coolest shows ever. You did pretty much an hour set of all new material and people are loving it. Yeah, it's an ad-lib show that is on the Desk Squad Network where we go on stage

and the audience just yells out shit. It's very similar to what I used to do after shows. I used to do it, but it's better to do it this way where the whole show is that way. You know, I think doing a three-person show like this is the way to go. Like have a real show where you just have ad lib. I'm going to start doing more of them because I think it's a great way to develop material.

It was so funny, Joe. And it's just so amazing watching you at like something that's designed for you so perfectly that you just slayed. You came in there and just destroyed. It was so cool watching, man. I was drunk as fuck. Drunk as fuck. That's the key, though, too. High.

Drunk and high. Yeah, you got to do that. You got to do it like you're skiing and you don't know how to stop. But it was a really supportive crowd, too, so thanks to everybody that came out. It's easy to do those if the crowds are cool, if the crowds are shitheads.

It's not that much fun. Comedy is the only art form ever where we can't really create it on our own. We need you guys there. All right. Thanks, everybody. Wednesday night at the Ice House, I'll be there with Tony Hinchcliffe, Matt Fultron, Ian Edwards, and more. I'm sure we'll have more people sign up before.

We do them on Wednesday nights once every two weeks or so, and they're a lot of fun. All right. We will be back tomorrow with the great Tommy Bunz, a.k.a. Tom Segura. Oh, shit. And that's it. All right, we love you. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.