The Joe Rogan Experience - #428 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: December 10, 2013

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, and hosts his own podcast with his wife Christina Pazsitzky. It's called "Your Mom's House" and is available on Spotify.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Powerful Tommy Buns is back. Where'd you guys go? You went with Joey somewhere? Yeah, Joey and I did the Colusa Casino in Northern California. What part of California is that? That's like, it's an hour from Sacramento. Ah.

And then we did McDonald's Theater in Eugene, Oregon on Saturday. Wow. Eugene, Oregon must have been fun. Yeah. They had snow. Like, they had a snowstorm the night before. And we were like, yeah, it's fucking Oregon. Like, they get snow.

Big deal. We get there and they're like, we haven't had snow in four years. And we're like, oh. Wow. Because they didn't plow any roads. None. It's fucking Oregon. They get snow. Big deal. We get there and they're like, we haven't had snow in four years. We're like, oh, wow. Because they didn't plow any roads. None. So everything was just caked over, iced over. That becomes a real problem.

I thought it happened all the time there. Do you remember when they did that in New York City? When it snowed and they didn't plow? Well, they didn't plow. No. It was a big deal. It was a couple of years ago. It was a couple of years ago.

There was a huge thing where they didn't budget correctly, and they had a big snowstorm, and people were trying to get out. They're like, where the fuck are the plows? Yeah, it's funny. There's certain, you can tell who's set up, who's used to snow, solely because of the roads. When you're in Minneapolis, and they'd be like, eight inches fell last night.

You're like, ooh, I wonder how that'll look. You step outside, and you just see black. Like, they paved it immediately. You don't see any white. They're just on top of that shit, man. And then you go, like, clearly, we were like, oh, you guys never get snow here. And then I saw today people who were at the shows. I went to their Twitter, and they're like, roads are still shit.

Like, haven't done anything for, like, three days. It's amazing. Well, there was a video, a famous video from Oregon of these people sliding on this icy road. Really? Yeah, it's a famous video because I guess they're just notoriously shitty and plowing because it doesn't snow very often. They didn't do a fucking thing. This video is ridiculous. It's, like, 10 minutes long of people just crashing into each other.

Hilarious. Just standing there watching people come down this road and smash into each other. Dude, the funny thing is the promoter called us a few hours before the show. She's like, man, we've been getting a lot of phone calls of people like, I can't drive in this. We're not going to make it. She's like, a lot. I don't know how many people are going to be at your show. I was like, well, I mean, you know know there's nothing we can do about that like okay

right and then we get there and there's still like a great turnout everybody who came was a podcast listener look at this whoa look how they're sliding all over the place i mean that is fucking ice yeah that guy can't stop his car. Look. Look, he's just going to slide in that car behind him. This is ridiculous. Is that Portland? He can't stop it. Oh, shit. Boom.

And he's still going. And that car's sliding. They're all sliding. The whole thing is ice. That is fucking terrifying. Because what's to the right? That's water. Oh, no.

Yeah. Dude, that shit is absolutely terrifying. Where's this guy? Bridges are a real problem. Bridges, for some reason, because. That shit is absolutely terrifying this guy bridges are a real problem Bridges for some reason because they're not connected to the earth that ground freezes super quick So if you're in a place and it gets it starts getting cold and you might be in an icy rain situation Stay the fuck off a bridge. This guy's like you fucking him. Oh My god, look at this thing man. This is crazy

Look at this thing just sliding. What is crazy. Look at this thing just sliding. What part of Oregon is this? Doesn't say. Portland. That's Portland. Yeah. You bitches got to prepare for it. Okay?

This is preposterous. Portland, Oregon. Frozen rain is what it is. You can see on those Like On that fence When you can see that That shit that's sitting there That looks like snow It's snow

But it's also a lot of frozen rain It's like when it gets to be like 32 Just 32 And it was just 33 33 32 34 32

And you get that horrible Fucking frozen rain Boom Boom Son Shit Yeah Fuck that noise He's still going Slideways Horrible fucking frozen rain. Boom. Boom, son. Shit. Yeah, fuck that noise.

He's still going slideways. Oh, my Christ. When I was in high school, me and my friend John Jewett, he was my sister's boyfriend, we were on the roof of the garage, me and him just sitting there drinking beer, watching cars slide into each other on our street. The best. Because people couldn't, I lived on a hill, and no one, you couldn't tell that it was cold black ice.

You couldn't tell. Yeah. So people were driving like normal, you know, and then it would just, whoo! Whoo! I lived across from a river, and like when it would start to freeze, like I would get, you know, when you're close to the water,

you know, I guess maybe it's colder. Yeah. I mean, if that makes any sense. But the fucking entire street just was a giant hockey rink. So we called the cops, and the cops came down the hill. And the cops came down the hill just bang, boom. They came to investigate. Oh, we'll see.

These guys don't know how to drive. That's the problem here. No, the whole thing was a hockey rink. So they got in and just bounced off the curves. This was in Mass? Woo, yeah. It was in Newton, Newton Upper Falls. Jesus Christ. Yeah and just bounced off the curves. This was in Mass? Woo! Yeah. It was in Newton. Newton Upper Falls. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. Yeah, it was horrible. Dude, I gotta tell you, Diaz, first of all, he got stopped in three different airports by like eight different people this weekend. Oh, by throngs of fans, you're saying?

Fans. TSA. We're at the airport. Did they want to check under his balls for weed? He, first of all, my God, his tolerance. Stunning. Dude. I took a quarter of a bite of an edible. You're brave.

Quarter. Yeah. I mean, the very end of it, and 30 minutes later, I was just out of my mind. I mean, my eyes weren't even open, okay? And I could tell people were looking at me. They're like, oh, I'm not hiding this at all. This is bad. And he ate, of that, he ate an entire one.

And then he's like saying ridiculous shit. Like shit that I, I feel like I get arrested for thinking it. Like I don't, I can't play it back in my head. I was like, dude, shut the fuck up, man. What was he saying? I cannot, I really can't say the main thing that he was, I can't. Why? It would be, it's not okay to say.

Why is it not okay to say? Does it have to do with ethnic groups? A lot of them, yeah. So many racial things that you can't say. But this one in particular is awful. I'll tell you, it's so awful. I can't even spin it. I can't spin a joke.

You know, I have, and this is one of the things that I've been on about lately, I have a real problem when people get upset at people that say shit that they don't really mean, but that's awful but hilarious. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Because, like, look how hard we're laughing. I was in tears. Look at the picture, you guys. I don't even know what he said.

I don't even know what he said to you, and I'm already laughing just thinking about all the shit he said to me in the past. Of course. Of course. Well, he's going off about this you and I'm already laughing just thinking about all the shit he said to me in the past. Of course. Of course. Well, he's going off about this thing. I'm standing there. I look like I'm going to puke because I'm laughing so hard. And this is in the airport and he's around people. Right.

He has no sense of like. No, he's like. Shut up, dude. He doesn't give a fuck. No. And I have tears. People looking at me. And then he's like, TSA.

And this guy, I look in the uniform, looks over. And he's like, you got to look at this guy. I'm like, dude, I'm all fucked up. Like, don't bring attention to me right now. And then that guy, he's like, hey, Joey Diaz, I'm a big fan. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me right now? I turn around and walk away. I was like, I'm leaving.

You're too high for this. Yeah. I walk away. I leave him. I'm like, I don't want any part of this shit. And I go, I buy a magazine that I leave at the counter. That're too high for this. Yeah, I walk away. I leave them. I'm like, I don't want any part of this shit. And I go, I buy a magazine that I leave at the counter. That's how high I am. I'm like, I want to get this magazine.

And then I walk away from it. And I remember like 30 minutes later before we board, and I go back and it's sitting there. And I go, that's my magazine. And this lady's like, okay. And I go, I paid for it already. And she's like, okay. Like, go ahead and take that if you want.

Like so out of my mind. But then, then we walked by, we go and a guy, a fucking pilot comes by, you know, they have like their, they always have that,

that double look luggage thing, right? There's one bag on top of the other. Yes. The pilot bag. Yeah. He fucking walks by us and he's like, Hey,

Joey Diaz. And I'm like, are you serious right now? And he's like, Joey Diaz And I'm like Are you serious right now And he's like This is my airport Everybody knows me at this airport I'm like really This is my airport

Yeah In Oregon No this was in Burbank He's like I run the Burbank airport dog I'm like Okay We then get stopped

In We land in Sacramento And people stop him for pictures Then the baggage handler Stops him Asks him like a hundred questions. I hate these fucking questions. This guy's asking way too many questions. Okay.

So we leave there. Well, he's super high. He can't just have conversations with people. Then a family stops him. A lady with kids stops him for a picture. They all take a picture together. It was nonstop. The best was that oh this is

the best part so i take the quarter bite right and i'm completely fucking out of my mind he eats an entire one we sit down on the plane and he starts talking i'm like shut up man shut the fuck up i cannot listen to you right now because i'm like shaking like i'm like i got so you told him to shut up because you're laughing yes yes i'm like i can't hear you talk shut up and he's like he's like he like looks around he's like anyways and he opens up a second one eats the second and of the thing i have a quarter bite of so he's on eight doses of what i'm on and i'm like, Jesus Christ. So we go through this flight, and every time he looks at me,

he goes, oh. And I'm like, dude, shut up. You ever heard the Duncan story? No. He gives Duncan a cookie, and then he calls him an hour and a half later and goes, welcome to my world, motherfucker. Dude. So we land we land and I and um as we're landing I was like man I go dude I was I was pretty fucked up man and he goes and I look at him because all I'm thinking is like I

can't believe how much more advanced you are than me. You know, it's like, I cannot believe. Oh, you mean tolerance-wise? Yes. It's like, I can't believe I ran a mile and you just ran 40 miles. Like, that's crazy to me. And we both finished at the same time. And then I go, so I'm amazed that he's not affected.

I go, I can't believe how much that affected me. And he goes, I almost had three panic attacks on that flight. I was like, yes! It made me so much that fucked me up. He goes, I almost had three panic attacks on that flight. I was like, yes. It made me so happy that he was also fucked up. And I was like, um. But he doesn't care. He still goes right back in. Right back in.

I go, I'm glad it's starting to wear off. He goes, not for me. I'm fucked up right now. Yeah, his idea of going deep is so much deeper than your idea. Yes. He's breaking world records on a daily basis. All the time. He's at the bottom of the Marianas Trench with a shovel.

And he's like, there's got to be a deeper spot. This is bullshit. And the first thing he did as we get off that was like, let's smoke this joint. I was like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about, man? We're not smoking a joint. I can take a break. He's a maniac.

There's no breaks. He's a fucking maniac. Yeah. Well, he just goes through the whole day like that. And that's where people would step in and say, that boy's got a problem. Yeah. I'll tell you what. But he doesn't.

Yeah. Because for a comedian, it might be the best way to live life. Yeah. Scared on a regular basis and in between laughing your dick off. Scared, laughing your dick off. Scared, laughing your dick off. Yeah, he's – the funny thing is like even his regular cadence, it so is out of the norm for other people. Yeah.

That you see people react to him. that you see people react to him. It's more fun to even watch people at the restaurant next to us react to him than it is almost to watch him. He's talking, and I see them like, they're like, Jesus, this is like a fucking, it's like you brought in a pit bull to have lunch here. You know what I mean? They've never seen somebody so intense and animated and saying these crazy things. It's like you watch them react to Joey.

Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean, man. He's just, it's just that they don't come along that often. No, it's a rare thing. They're like, well, who's this guy? Yeah, you know, like you know guys, and you go, oh, I get it. That guy's like a little bit of this guy, a little bit of that guy. He's a combination of Joey's just like, what is that? Where'd that come from? You want to kill somebody, you invite them of that guy. He's a combination of... Joey's just like...

What is that? Where'd that come from? You want to kill somebody, you invite them over for dinner. What? Oh, it's his logic. How to get crimes committed correctly. And then my favorite thing is he'll say something and go, you know what the fuck I'm saying? And then he just walks away. He'll end on a strong point.

You want to kill somebody, you invite them over for dinner. Boom. He walks away. Great sense of timing. Yeah. Amazing. It's a stand-up timing that he uses like in everyday life. In real life.

Yeah. Yeah. In real conversations. It's like he's never doing an act. Yeah. Because his act is his life and his life is his act. Yeah. The way he talks is his act.

Totally. That's like the best you could ever hope for. The best you could ever hope for is like a merging of your ability to be you offstage and onstage. Yeah, I mean, look at who everybody

or a lot of people let's say is like, you know, a total master comedian basically talks in his voice like Chappelle walks up and is like,

tells you about his day. Yeah. And that's kind of like the highest form, right, of being a comic because you're like, this isn't even a thing. I'm just talking to you. Yeah. And Diaz is like a version of that,

where he's just being Diaz. Yeah, just being Diaz. But he also works at it. He works really hard. He does a lot of sets. Joey does a lot of sets. He'll go up four or five times a week in town at weird places. Travel to Oxnard and shit

Do a set somewhere He does a lot of weird sets He does He gets up a lot He was killing them man Killing them I'm sure he was man What is Eugene, Oregon like besides hippie and they don't know how to plow

We got to see so little of it Because of the weather It was a for real hotel gig hotel there was no checking anything out right but the people were awesome i mean i couldn't believe how fun that was the most fun that was the funnest show i've had like top three show of the year wow that fun and it was because of that weather the only people that showed up were podcast listeners right so they listened to joey podcast, they listened to mine, and they were just all fans.

So it was like doing a special event kind of show. Yeah, these audiences are so different now. Oh, my God. They're like cunt-free. You get the amount of cunts that you get. They're so small. It was nothing but love. Yeah, it's just nice people.

Yeah, it was awesome. Awesome. It's weird, isn. Yeah. It was awesome. Awesome. It's weird, isn't it? Oh, yeah. And it's, you can see it's changed so much. Like, for me, it's changed so much in the last few years. Yeah. Absolutely.

It's changed for everybody. Yeah. Everybody. All of us. Yeah. It's changed. And then the other thing that, like, we do now is we do our podcast live, and it's like a different type of live performance.

Right. It's so fun to go. Yeah, you have a totally different thing going on. You guys have like a live show. Yeah, it's like a show. It's like an actual performance. But your podcast fits that well because your podcast has a lot of like reoccurring sketch sketches.

Yeah. Skits. Yeah. Segments almost. Yeah. Bits. Yeah. Bits you do.

You have a bunch of reoccurring things that you do that people look forward to. They look forward to. So what we try to do on those live ones is like if we know they look forward to it, try to at least do a couple of them and it gets the crowd so excited about it. So it's like a fun thing. It's almost like the equivalent of being a band and you have a couple of them and it gets the crowd so excited about it so it's like a fun thing it's like it's almost like the equivalent of being a band and you have a couple hits you know i mean like where they you know they like that song so i'm gonna play this song at some point because i know that's

why you showed up right yeah so yeah it's it's pretty fun man it's changed everything though for for our stand-up too yeah it's weird it's weird, right? It's so crazy. It's weird that it all happened out of the internet, too. Everybody thought they had to get on TV. Everybody thought the way to get a fan base is to be on TV. But that's actually the way to get a fan base. It doesn't really know you. Exactly.

Like, if you're on a sitcom, like Mike and Molly, Billy Gardell, very funny guy. If you're going to go see him. Great guy, too. Very good guy. Great guy, funny guy. You know, good for him. He's got a sitcom.

It's great. Yeah. But if you want to go see him, you're going to see the funny guy that you see on that show. On CBS. Which is Billy playing a character. Yeah. It's not him doing stand-up.

If you go to see him doing stand-up, you know, like, you know him in a form of what he does. Right. But you don't know him. Right. When they go to see you, fucking know you right I mean you and I look the way we talk right now is the way we talk when we shut this thing off right if we shut it off it would be real similar mm-hmm we'd be talking shit you tell me what Joey actually said that's it the only difference that'd be the only difference

in this conversation and I think it's the best way to get a good crowd or an asshole crowd if you're an asshole and you promote asshole-ish behavior i've fucking seen it man have you seen it absolutely with who i can't tell you who does his name rhyme with no but it's somebody i it's somebody i don't think you know oh yeah yeah i don't know that dude you don't know this guy but i've seen i've seen green hair real tall yeah I've seen seen people cultivate those and I've also the other thing I've seen is people who have that problem you talk and I say it as a problem is that they might be a certain way then they do this show that's not like them and you draw a crowd who's like I thought you were

gonna be this type of humor right that's a great thing about doing your like you're like it works out great I'll tell you works out great for is a guy like Tosh where he does his style of jokes on Tosh point oh if you're not responding to what he's doing on that show if you don't like that you're not gonna like his stand-up but if you like what that show and you like that, you're not going to like his stand-up. But if you like that show and you like those jokes, you're going to love seeing Daniel Tosh live. It's the smartest way to promote his live stand-up is doing that show. Yeah, it's the perfect advertisement. Yeah, it's great.

It's fucking funny too, man. It's great. It's so funny. He has some good writers on that show. He does, yeah. He's a funny guy. He's a really funny guy. He's a good guy too, man.

He's a really good guy. It's nice. guy too, man. He's a really good guy. It's nice. It's nice when good guys make it. Definitely. Joey Diaz was talking about Kevin Hart and about what a great guy Kevin Hart is because Joey's in that new movie with him. Oh, yeah.

Robert De Niro and Sylvester Stallone, whatever it is. They're like 80 and they're in a box. Do people understand bleeding? Do they understand how hard it is to stop blood from pouring out of your fucking brain when you're 80 and you're getting punched in the head? The idea of that

movie is more preposterous than Godzilla. The idea of that movie that you're going to license Is the idea, is it like former champs? Yeah, former boxers and they hate each other. We're going to do it one more time. And they're like 80.

It's so irresponsible too. Because you know what? When you're 80 and you take head injuries, you don't fucking recover from it. Ever. I mean, the suspension of disbelief involved in watching two old guys beat the fuck out of each other on TV. Nobody would pay for that.

It would be sad. Like if you saw Larry Holmes today and Larry Holmes fought, you know, Bone Crusher Smith today, I mean, it would really be sad to watch. And Larry is at least 15, maybe even 20 years younger than Stallone.

How hurt would these guys be, you think, during the fight? Would they just... They'd die. They'd both die. Sylvester Stallone is juice to the gills. He's 72 years old. He looks fantastic. He would murder, I'm sure,

murder De Niro, unless De Niro got on the sauce as well. De Niro would have to be on the sauce for at least a year. Maybe he is. So many men are on testosterone replacement now. They have commercials for it on television. Totally. But I have a feeling that the levels that Sylvester Stallone takes are very high. Yeah, he's got really low body fat, too.

Have you seen a picture of him walking down Beverly Hills and you see the veins in his forearms? No. Dude. I saw a still from this movie that looks crazy as shit. We're sounding gay for Sylvester Stallone right now. Fine. Yeah, I'm fine with that. Give me your flavor. I met the guy.

I had to interview him for Spike TV. And he couldn't be nicer. Yeah. Normal. Like, didn't give a fuck. He's been there, done that for so fucking long. That's the reason why he has a sense of humor about himself now that maybe he didn't when he was younger. Like, he's very relaxed, man.

Yeah. Talking to him could not have been easier and smoother. When you're talking to someone and you interview someone, a lot of the conversation depends on whether or not that person is relaxed, whether or not they're comfortable. Yeah. And if they're not comfortable, man, the conversation's going to suck. It's hard to do. With him, he's just at ease, laughing and joking and made some joke about his mother, his intelligence.

It was just funny, man. Yeah, yeah. Just relaxed. Yeah, that's cool. But you're not supposed to look like that when you're 70, son. No. That shit's ridiculous.

I heard De Niro's like the most notoriously difficult interview. Well, he doesn't want to do it. Right. And he shouldn't. You know, I think a guy like that, he's earned the right to talk to whoever he wants to talk to, and that's it. And if he doesn't want to be interviewed about things, I don't need to know him. He can tell me about him what he wants to tell me about him. I don't need to know him. He can tell me about him what he wants to tell me about him. I don't need to know him.

And I think the beauty of being an actor, there's probably some merit and some extra power in me not knowing him. And knowing that he can go from being the guy in Taxi Driver to being, fill in the blank, being the guy from The Godfather. He can morph. He can change who he is. Being the guy from Cape Fear, he can morph. And I think if you know too much of what he is really like,

could you imagine if, like, say if De Niro had a podcast, and on the podcast every day, he's got his glasses over his nose like, oh, let's see what we got here. And he's reading things, and he's giving you his opinions on things. I like flowers. When actors start doing that,

it puts them in a weird category. It's true. It's true. And it's almost like the ideal way to be an actor would be to do no press. Yeah. They do press because they have to. Yeah.

A lot of times they're contractually obligated to do press, to promote movies. It's all about promoting. But it does, the more you know that person, the harder it is to see them playing characters. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, things get weird.

Like, that was one of the things that people relished about the audio that was leaked of Christianian bale screaming oh yeah at some guy on the set yeah and a lot of people like wow he's a fucking asshole he's an asshole and yeah he's definitely obviously very aggressive but what people what people liked about that is they got to see a human like with no script no okay i going to go sit on the couch with Oprah, no chatting here with David Letterman with my legs crossed like I would never do in real life. There's none of that.

He's like, for fuck's sake, man, you're a fucking amateur. Yeah. Just screaming at some lighting guy. Yeah. Yeah. There's Sylvester Stallone at like 70. Oh my God. That's not a joke either. He's like 70. How old is he? 67. 67.one at like 70. Oh my God. That's not a joke either.

He's like 70. How old is he? 67. 67. That's like 70. That's amazing. Jesus. Yeah.

My grandpa didn't look like that when he was 67. Matter of fact, I think that's around when he died of old age. I think my grandpa died of old age around 60. 67. Around 70. But he didn't look like that. No. At all.

No. My grandpa stopped looking like that at like 63, 64. There's just something weird about that, man. The idea that you can have a movie where these two dudes who were in their late 60s punch each other in the head. And their brains just are fine. That was when he was young and sexy. Do you? That was the old days.

Look at him. Look at that beautiful face. Very unusual face. If I was a chick, I'd let him send it in. Yeah? Just for that unusual? Just for that face. Just that 70s look with the fucking plaid jacket on, the beautiful hair.

Those feathers. Those are feathers, not even hair follicles. Yeah, he's the canary in the coal mine for all men who don't want to get old. That's what you can look like. You might be a workout animal at 67 too, huh? I don't know. I don't know if I can keep it up. I don't know.

You got to face the inevitability of your own demise at some point in time. I would assume that you can keep up a certain amount, but our buddy Jimmy just had a fucking hip replacement. Mark Coleman, former UFC heavyweight champion, the first actually UFC heavyweight champion, just had a fucking hip replacement Mark Coleman, former UFC heavyweight champion The first, actually, UFC heavyweight champion Just had a hip replacement The Hammer?

The Hammer Hammer, great guy A hip replacement? Told me, yeah He told me he was in fucking pain for a long time He just couldn't do anything about it It's like, the amount of, like, work that you have to do To be, like, a high-level amateur wrestler

Yeah The amount of fucking beating that puts on to do to be like a high level amateur wrestler yeah the amount of fucking beating that puts on your body the amount of stress the the just the intensity of those workouts and the they they're all tough as shit so they all power through injuries all the time and a lot of guys get you know really long-term stuff like i know coleman he's had neck surgery as well. Tito has had at least two discs fused. Jesus. Nate Quarry had at least two fused

as well. He had an artificial disc put in his lower back. They create artificial discs now and they screw them into the... It's a fucking tough business, man. Now there's no question that guys like that and professional athletes are obviously really

doing long-term damage where they have a lot of these replacements, but don't you find that even the amateur athlete that does certain sports for a long period of time, inevitably a percentage of them

all need the same thing too. I mean, I have an uncle who was, you know, not a pro athlete, but a guy who played either racquetball, handball, tennis like six days a week. Like one of those just guys who was really into it, devoted, you know. That was his whole pro. Dude, he's had two knees and a hip replaced. And I know other guys who are not, because he's like two knees and a hip replaced and i know god i know other guys who are not because he's like 72 now but i know other guys in their 60s like just like friends of parents and stuff like

oh he just had knee surgery and these are just guys who you know played sports like they were active people right didn't do anything like you know violent didn't do combat contact sports, but they all have surgeries, back, knee, hip. I feel like it's almost inevitable. It's almost inevitable if you keep beating your body up, if you don't do the proper rehab, if you don't stretch, if you don't keep your joints mobile. That's the focus, right? There's a lot of shit.

A diet, you've got to give your body the building blocks to to repair tissue you got to give that tissue time to repair a lot of injuries come and this is from my personal experience the injury that i had on my neck was from getting hurt and just continuing to work out like knowing i was hurt and just just gutting it out just jujitsu is so fun it's so fun that you don't want to take too much time off and And when I would take like two weeks off, like I'd fuck something up in my neck. I'd take two weeks off. Like realistically, I needed several months off. Like I had an injury and what I really needed to do was take several months off and rehab the area and make sure it's strong. But I would just hurt it again. A couple

of months later, pop, ah, fuck. I'd hurt it again. And it just kept hurting it. I kept doing it over and over again until I finally got an MRI after the worst one when I started getting numb fingers. And I found out that I had a bulging disc in my neck. But instead of getting surgery, instead of getting my neck cut open, I started doing what's called spinal decompression. I have this thing that I harness. I attach it to my neck, and I put it to a door, and I hang myself, basically.

Really? Yeah, I started doing that and a lot of stretching and then rolfing. I started getting rolfed, which is fucking really painful shit. Super painful, right? Then I started doing this stuff called prolo-ozone therapy. I'm trying really hard to make sure that this area is completely healed up before I do anything crazy again. That's smart. So then I did that.

And then the most recent is this Regenokine. Regenokine is this shit that this guy, Dr. Peter Welling, developed in Germany. They take your blood out and they spin it and they heat up the blood. And then it produces, I guess it produces more red or more white blood cells. And they spin it in a centrifuge, and it makes this yellow serum that's one of the most potent anti-inflammatory drugs known to man. It's made by your own blood.

I'm doing a terrible job of explaining the science. I'm sure I butchered it. But whatever it is, they take this stuff, they take it out of your blood, and then they inject it into where you have injuries or inflammation. And people feel like they haven't felt in 20 years. It's incredible.

Like he did it to my neck only a month ago, like five weeks ago. Do they inject back into your neck? Is that where it goes? They put like in very specific areas where you have the inflammation. They inject that serum that's created from your blood into that area where you have the inflammation. And it heals it so quick. It's like you're in a movie. Really?

Yeah. It's like they created some new invention to relieve yourself of inflammation. You're basically on, this is like cutting edge stuff, right? It's pretty cutting edge. It's not even approved by the FDA. You have to pay for it. Pay for it out of pocket. Yeah.

You have to pay for it out of pocket. In Germany, they let you do it, which is why all these athletes are flying to Germany. But now they're starting to set up places in America, and they do what's called, I think, off-label. I think that's how they describe it, off-label. Which means they can't guarantee anything. They can't tell you it's going to do anything for you. The FDA doesn't approve it. They can't say it's going to help you.

But they can do the procedure. It's legal if you want to get it done. Here's all the people that have done it, and here's how it benefited them. It fucking works, dude. My neck feels amazing. It feels so loose. It was like, for the longest time, is this a video of them doing it?

They pulled out eight ounces of blood out of me today, son. Eight ounces? Yeah. Lucky I'm very hot-blooded. I produce blood just sitting here. I'm producing a lot of blood. They shoot it. See how they're doing it here? They put these little holes, and then they have this little thing that sticks in the hole, and they inject the serum directly into the areas where you have inflammation. And people who have had arthritis and all sorts of different issues, especially like lower back pain,

they've experienced some pretty significant benefit from doing this stuff. And it lasts for years. That's fascinating shit. But you know, these dudes that are in, uh, combat sports, whether it's, um, MMA or even football, which is kind of like a combat sport. It's very similar. Yeah. You're going to get a beating no matter what you do, no matter who you are. Peyton Manning actually had this shit done. Had it done to his neck. His neck was fucked up. Yeah. Probably just like mine.

Yeah. But now he's playing again. It's crazy. He's playing so well. It's stupid. It's because of this shit, man. Yeah. It's because of this Regenikine.

This is just step one. This motherfucker in Germany is a year away from developing a shot that makes your body kickstart its production of collagen, which means your wrinkles will go away. Really? Old ladies are going to look hot as fuck.

They're going to want some dick, too. Old ladies are going to want some dick, son. Could you imagine if your next door neighbor was like this old lady who was really hot

at one point in time and lived for it, and then it all fell apart, and then she's by herself and alone, and she starts getting them shots, and then within, like, a year, she's by herself and alone. And she starts getting them shots. And then within like a year, she's like a hot milf, a hot 40-year-old.

And you're like, what the hell is going on? Can I borrow some flour? She's flirting with you. You catch her out in the morning. She's doing exercises. And she's jogging on the front lawn. She's got new yoga pants. She can work out again.

What the fuck is going on next door? This bitch is going back in time. She's eating God. She can work out again. What the fuck is going on next door? This bitch is going back in time. She's eating babies. She must be eating babies. If you didn't know any better, you would think she's a witch. Of course. If all of a sudden, within a year, she looked like a hot 40-year-old. Give me that baby.

I wonder if that's possible. It's got to be. They're going to do it. If you could send a video through the fucking sky instantaneously, you could take a video, you could send it to me from Canada, and I would get it within a couple of seconds. Yeah. That's ridiculous. That's possible.

Look at that. That's your neighbor, bro. Yeah. Look at that. And you're like, Ice Cube. Ice Cube's all rapey there. Very rapey. Damn!

Damn! This motherfucker's finer than a motherfucker. Damn. I knocked the dust off that pussy. Yeah, just like that just like that yeah do i get to be old lady tucker right there in that scenario no you get to be tommy buns okay i think you'd have a better response look at this dirty bitch yeah that's what we would uh that's what we would be dealing with everywhere, all across the world. A lot more fucking going on.

A lot more fucking. The old guys would become studs, too. Sure. The old guys, within a couple years, would start looking like Stallone does now. Can you imagine successful guys, guys who were real power brokers? Rupert Murdoch becomes the Hulk. Oh, my God. Literally looks like the Hulk.

And just dropping dick internationally every day. Comes to the door with a custom suit on because his neck is 37 inches wide. His head's enormous and square. And this is Rupert Murdoch becomes literally like Juggernaut. Yeah. He becomes the Hulk. Would you do it? If someone came along and they did have some sort of a genetic

fix, especially if you're an old man, if you're like 80 years old and they say to you, well, we can give you this shot they'll turn you into this shape. You will morph. You're going to eat all day long because you're going to be hungry constantly. But if you give yourself the required amount of calories to grow, you're going to be this

in a couple months. You just fucking keep growing. Old guys would be all over it, man. No question. Your dick just becomes like a Quaker oats box. Just one of those big, extra thick Quaker oats boxes. I think, you know what? You'd be so charged up and so sexually recharged, you'd just be leaking jizz all day.

Everywhere. up and so sexually recharged, you'd just be leaking jizz all day. You'd have to put a little receiver, a little receptacle at the end of your cock. You'd have to tie a very sturdy balloon on the end of your dick. Absolutely. Tape it down. Otherwise, you'd just be shooting loads in your pants all day. And you'd just literally have to drop them.

I think that shit's inevitable. They're doing things right now that are the building blocks of creating superheroes. Like, they have this project where they're trying to combine spider silk with human skin. They're trying to make this synthetic skin that would be like a replacement skin. Like burn people? Burn victims? Like burn victims and maybe people who just really wanted to redo their whole body one day. Really? Look, man, they're replacing hips, okay?

What is a hip? A hip is a joint. They saw your fucking joint off. When you see a hip replacement, it's some dark shit. Have you ever watched it online? No, no. Let's do it. Let's watch a hip replacement.

It's rough. They saw the end of your femur off, son, and they screw this fucking bolt in place. It's gnarly. All that shit, surgery is gnarly. Surgery is gnarly, but replacements of joints, especially hips. Have you seen a facelift?

Or a nose job? Oh, that's gnarly. I didn't see what my nose looked like, but you saw some of the bloody boogers after I had my nose fixed. I saw you. Remember I showed you those. You almost threw up. But you saw some of the bloody boogers after I had my nose fixed. I saw you. Remember, I showed you those. You almost threw up. Dude, I was.

I showed you one of the boogers. When you were putting that water pick up your nose. Yeah. And it was flushing stuff out. Yeah, let's. Maybe we shouldn't watch this. It looks like a ham. They open you up, and then they cut off the end of your leg and then attach this artificial joint.

Who was the first guy to make a fucking artificial hip? Because that guy took a goddamn chance. He really did. He was like, all right, we're going in. I mean, how many people? How much did his hip suck where he was like, cut my fucking leg off? Yeah, the first guy. Yeah.

Well, my friend who had it done in New York, according to our friend Brian Callen, he was walking so bad. One leg would bend, and the other leg, he would just sort of swing. He would swing it over. He would keep it attached to his body and sort of swing his body sideways, and that's how he'd move forward. He didn't use his hip. Was this a fighter guy?

No, no, no. He just played basketball on concrete in New York City. He played a lot of basketball, and he was like 50 now. Yeah. His leg fell apart. See, there's another one. Have you seen the way some of these old basketball players walk? Holy shit.

They're really big, too. They're monsters. Yeah. When you're talking about a seven-foot human, the amount of torque that goes on to all these different joints, the ankles and the knees and the hips, there's so much pressure because you're dealing with this extremely long lever. Yeah. It's one of the reasons why long-legged and long-armed guys punch so hard.

It's also one of the reasons why they're so good at submissions. They have extra leverage because their limbs are literally longer. Yeah. They have a better fulcrum. That makes sense. But it also puts tremendous pressure on your joints because of that. Have you ever seen Phil Jackson walk in recent years? Yeah.

Oh, my God. I mean, he was a player for a lot of years. His walk is the most, like, you see the pain. When you watch it, you're like, that guy's walking in pain. Well, when I was a kid, I worked at the Boston Athletic Club, which is a health club in South Boston. Nice place. And people would come in there and play racquetball a lot.

And Bobby Orr used to come in there all the time. Oh, yeah. One of the greatest hockey players of all time. All the time. And when I was there, I was about 19, and I don't know how old Bobby was. He was probably about my age now. I'm 46. And he couldn't walk, man.

Really? Oh, man. I mean, not only could he not walk, the sides of his legs were cut open like fish. Like, the scars that they put on his legs. Like, he's probably older than me. He's probably, now that I think about it, he was probably older than me then.

I bet he was probably in his 50s. But the old way of doing it, they would just open you up like a fish, and then they would take chunks of your leg, like your hamstring, and screw them in place and try to replace ligaments with them, and they would last for a little while, and then they'd blow out, so they'd have to fucking stitch you up again. And Bobby Orr had something insane, like 17 surgeries.

So when he walked, man, he literally couldn't bend his knees. So he would like kind of hop and move his leg forward and put it down and lift up and move his leg forward and put it down and there was a machine called a versaclimber a versaclimber you ever see one of those things great cardio machine get on there and fucking go crazy with this thing he couldn't get on it we used to have to help him on it we used to have to help him lift his leg up and when you looked at him if you looked at his face looked he looked like a real healthy guy. He wasn't out of shape. He wasn't overweight. His legs were gone. Hockey's so fucking brutal, though. Oh, crazy. Think about

it. You're sliding around, and you're on ice. Your knees are going every fucking which way. And there's a beast coming at you, like, 40 miles an hour. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, and once your knees go, they're going to keep going. Yeah, I know that Ditka hasn't been able to, like, walk normal for so long. Wow. And he's probably 70 or something now, but he hasn't been walking normal in 15 years plus. You know, because those guys, guys like Bobby Orr and Mike Ditka played, you know, so long ago that they would just, they really didn't do the most important thing when you're hurt, which is like take time off. It was like.

Nobody did back then. Yeah, fucking play. Yeah, you know, obviously that's especially relevant when it comes to concussions. Oh, yeah. Because they're really just starting to kind of get a grasp on that within the last 10 years of like what kind of regulations they should have. You just played, for sure. Especially if you were... High school, college, everywhere.

Absolutely, absolutely. Toughen up, pussy. Toughen up, yeah. And they were doing, and it was so not about being tough. Those guys, so many of those guys should have been not having any contact for weeks or months. Oh, yeah. And they were just rocking their brain for week after week,

probably multiple concussions in the same week. Yeah, man. Crazy. All these guys that keep dying and shoot themselves in the heart so that people can examine their brain. Just that alone is like, God, that's so dark. Yeah. Early onset Alzheimer's, dementia, and they're like 45, 50.

Yeah. I think they're very close to being able to figure out how to regenerate human tissue they're i think they're going to be able to turn back the clock yeah i think within 100 years it's going to be i mean you and i might not see it but i think they're very close to being able to create literally create superheroes if you think about what people have accomplished in such a short amount of time and what they can do now as far as gene therapy and using stem cells to heal things. Boss Rutten went down to another country to get stem cell treatment, some South American

country, and got some stem cell treatment because he's had significant atrophy of his arm because of a pinched nerve in his neck. He had some serious neck injuries from fighting a little bit, but really from stunt work that he did after fighting. Really? Fell on his neck and fucked himself up bad. Then he got his neck fused. His discs were bad, so they cut his discs out and fused his neck,

and there was a lot of problems with it. So he went and got this stem cell thing, and then all of a sudden he's feeling fucking fantastic. He's talking about how great he feels. Really? Yeah, feeling fucking fantastic. He's talking about how great he feels. Really? Yeah, he feels great. He's talking about how his body's growing. He's been doing all this exercise again for the first time, like really intense exercise,

and he's not fitting into his suits anymore. He's going to change the collars in his suits because he can work out again. Wow. Yeah. You have to imagine that if they master all that genetic stuff, You have to imagine that if they master that, all that genetic stuff, that one of those mad scientists is going to be like, let's build the best fighter ever. Let's build the best basketball player ever. Like, genetically make somebody like that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And people will abuse that, for sure. People are going to do it for their kids. Of course. Their kids are going to be superheroes. Yeah. It's going to be weird, man.

I'm telling you, we're probably 100 years away from a time where genetic improvements are like cell phones. Everybody has it. We just have it. It'll be real expensive at first, and only the elite will be able to afford it. But then as time goes on, it'll be more and more common and prevalent, just like a cell phone. And then you've got to wonder, what will be the common problem associated with doing it. Because there's always a hang up to something like that. Well, there's probably going to be people that try to almost die and then bring themselves back and think it's funny. And they'll do it on YouTube.

Right. They'll have friends shoot them with like 50 millimeter guns. Jesus. And then they'll- Regenerate. Regenerate. How awesome was that? Fucking shrink back up and heal

just like wolverine that's a yeah we're gonna have a lot of problems when it comes to technology in the next 100 years or so and the real problem is will it ever get to a point where the amount of power that people have does it doesn't measure up with the amount of responsibility they have and the amount of like respect they have for that power it's kind of where we're at right now when it comes to being able to contact people on youtube like if you find someone puts a video up expressing their opinion you're like you fucking ugly cunt i want to eat you alive and people that say crazy shit like that on youtube like they shouldn't have the ability to just communicate with people like that. Yeah.

They shouldn't have the ability to just, they're abusing an incredible power. Yeah. The ability to just instantaneously communicate with someone anonymously. Well, that's the thing. You should be able to do it with accountability. But even with accountability, like,

what kind of accountability? If I can't see you and no one's looking at you and no one's going, man, you're a piece of shit. You know, if you say something to someone in person, like the way people say something on YouTube, like say if you're in the lobby of a hotel and you see some guy just say some fucking horrible thing to another guy there, you would go like, whoa, that guy's an asshole. But if that happens to you online, if some guy just sends you something horrible online, you don't see him and I don't see him and nobody knows who this guy is and he's XP49K on YouTube or whatever his YouTube handle is, he doesn't feel that. He doesn't feel the repercussions of that.

It's almost like you have this incredible ability but you don't have any responsibility that comes along with it you don't have any ethics that go along with it because you don't respect it you didn't develop it yourself you just got online you know it's like it's so easy to just get online you know you don't even have to have your own computer can i use your computer you get online i'm gonna make an account you. You can do anything you want. That access is so common that people who don't, you know, they probably are too stupid for anything that powerful. That's the same argument about guns. That's the same argument about a lot of different things. The dangerous thing is those people are also unhappy, right?

And that's why they're doing it. So if you're that unhappy, but now your power is genetic mutation, you know, it's a little different than saying go fuck yourself. Well, you know what it is? Ultimately, all of that, and I'm not saying that it's not the people's responsibility who do it, but ultimately, all shit behavior

is a real result. One of the real results of it is the fact that we don't address that as a culture as being a major issue that we don't address it as a culture that we don't have it reinforced in the kids heads at an early age that the way to get by in life is to be as nice to as many people as possible and a lot of times when you have bad feelings and you feel bad or there's anger or jealousy, oftentimes this can be because you need to fix your own life. Oftentimes. And you need to get your own life in order where you don't feel jealous about someone or you don't feel anger for something that someone has that you want. Like

use it as fuel to fix your life. Nobody teaches you that. Nobody tells you that in school. It never gets brought up. And then we also never deal with poor people as if they're just people that are a part of our community that have a way worse position in life than we do and we need to fix that because it's the lowest ring of rung of the chain yeah we just grow yeah you know the charm wrong wrong but rung sounds like a ladder like rung of a ladder rung of a chain Oh link link link of a chain but the lowest okay rung sounds like a ladder, like rung of a ladder. Rung of a chain? Link. Link. Link of a chain. But the lowest, okay, rung of the ladder.

That's us. That's us. Just because we don't talk to them, it's still us. Don't they live like a mile from us? Well, then it's us. But we ignore them. It's easier to ignore them. But as a society, that should be like one of the first things that a government takes care of.

Extreme poverty. Extreme poverty and children growing up in extreme poverty. Yeah. That's the big one. Not just extreme poverty if you're a fucking guy and you're 35 years old. You decide you just love meth. And you're just going to meth it up and fucking. But that's your decision.

If you went from being a lawyer to being a meth head. I mean, I'm not saying it's not in part based on how fucked up your childhood was. It probably was, but you might be too far to fix. But a kid? You can fix kids, man. Catch them early. It's so bad for everyone when you have that level of poverty.

Because you have resentment. A lot of crime is resentment. It's not just need. It's resentment and need. You have everything. I have nothing. And no morals because everybody around you is doing whatever they have to do to get by. You're just dealing in an environment where you're dealing with a lot of people in and out of jail. Yeah. It's so depressing, and you don't see any examples of how to get out.

And there's so many people, too. Like, people always presume, a lot of people in the United States presume that extreme poverty is, you know, the favelas in Brazil, which it is. But they don't realize that there is extreme poverty in this country. Extreme poverty in Los Angeles. Sure. You can go to areas. The number one economy in the world. We have a lot of extreme poverty.

Yeah. And I don't know. I mean, look, I'm not saying that people don't have to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, that people don't have to work hard in order to be successful. They do. Absolutely. But you can't tell me that, like, me growing up in Newton Upper Falls and some poor fucking kid who is growing up in the worst area of Compton

and his mom's a crackhead and his dad is nonexistent and everyone he knows is in and out of jail and they have guns everywhere and people die around him all the time that's a reality that we don't have to deal with that i never had to deal with but there's people growing up in that reality that if they had options of something to look forward to it could enhance how they develop yeah they don't think about that it's the weirdest thing. It's the weirdest thing about the money that gets dedicated in this society, like where it goes.

The fact that we put so much fucking money into war and so little money into making sure that we have a good supply of people who are bad motherfuckers, people who can get their shit together, people who can contribute to society, people who are contributors. The other thing is the percentage of people who make up the portion of income.

You have so few ultra-rich that make up such a huge amount of the income so you have basically you know this this person is five percent you know people always talk about the what is the the top two or whatever one percenters one percenters but like you know you have like five percent in the united states that might make up 30 some percent of of the of all the income and hold an even bigger percentage of the wealth you have a very small percentage of people controlling a whole hell of a lot of money that's why it's at least on some level it's so it's good that but like the gates started that giving pledge where they basically try to get the world's billionaires to sign up to give away 95% of their net worth by the time they die. So people that are worth $5 and $10 and $20 billion will at least not hold on to that.

They'll give it away. Yeah, because the thing about growing up in that environment, if you grow and you're you know your dad makes he dad is a hundred billion dollars what what yeah i mean what so you just get a trust and you never have to work ever you ever met those guys sure those are some sad motherfuckers they always are there's some sad motherfuckers i knew this dude he had a trust and then a backup trust. And he went through both of them. And now he has a job. Yeah. He spent millions. I believe it.

Like $30-something million on real estate development that didn't go through. And then he had a backup trust, and that went away, too. And then his parents finally just, they said, get a job, bitch. And he's, like, 50. And he's, like, finally in, like, the workforce at 50. They cut him loose after just going through all of his movies. He's the weakest man. I think one of the weakest men I've ever been around.

Not surprising at all. He says no character, no ability. And he even said it. He was talking to my friend about her kids. And he said, if I could give any piece of advice on what not to do, never let them think that they don't have to work. Never let them think they don't have to work. You're a lottery winner. Yeah.

The only difference is you won your lottery the moment you were born. But isn't it possible to win a lottery and keep it together? What percentage? Very rare. It's very rare. It's possible. I'm sure there's people who have done it, but there's more stories about how this guy fucking fucked everything up

as soon as he won the lottery than there are wow this guy you know lived a fairy tale life after he won the lottery i think some of it has to do with the amount you win you know you can win a lottery you can win a million dollars you can win two five six million dollars when you start talking about somebody that was making 35 000 a year in the factory and you get $100,000, $200,000, $300 million, I mean, there's nothing to prepare you for that. There's nothing to prepare you for that. And the type of attention you're going to get from that, the people that are going to come into your life, it's overwhelming. They're not ready for it.

It'd be different if, you won a hundred million dollars because you've achieved success on your own you know you know it's still going to be a difference for you but i think having a foundation of like a career that you've taken on and earned your own you earn what you've gotten to have this boost would be different I think when you haven't had that level of success and you get something like a nine-figure check, I think it's really hard to keep it together. There's more stories about disaster than there are about keeping it together

when you talk about those big, what are the big ones called? Mega Millions. The Mega Millions. Powerball. Powerball, right? Dude, somebody just won over three. Yeah. $355 million.

That's so much money. Now, what do they pay them off? They're like, you have options. You can get a monthly, a yearly. If you are not 80, you should always take the opposite. Oh, the 20-year? The 20-year, because you're essentially on salary for the next 20, 25 years. So if you want $100 million, you're going to get 20 payments over the course to add up to that amount.

You're going to have to pay taxes, but you're going to get your full amount. The other option they do is they go, all right, it's $355 million. You could take that over 25 years, or we'll give you like $158 million right now. And then people go, I'll take the lumps. It's more, you know, all the money then. Right. But unless you're about to die, like why wouldn't you just allow yourself to earn?

Well, maybe you would be worried that they would go under and wouldn't continue to pay you. Yeah, I guess that is probably the worry. That's not going to fucking happen. But what you really trust is someone's going to stay alive or a business is going to stay alive for 25 years or whatever it is? They would still be obligated to make that payment. What I'm saying is like...

If they go under. The state lottery? I don't... The state goes under. What if they did it in Detroit? What if you bought the lottery in Detroit? I still think that... We ain't got no money.

I still think you'd still get your money. You think so? I do. I don't think there's such thing as them not paying you out on that. I'd say take that money and invest it in a good business Tommy Buns, perhaps a family restaurant. I would definitely do the 25-year payout. Well, how much do you think you would get? Okay, let's see. If you win

the lottery and you get $350 million. Right. So what's the yearly payout on $355 million? I would say they probably do it over 25 years right now. So let's see. Let's say you're getting $355 over 25 years. That's $14 million a year, man. What if you want to buy something that's more than $14 million?

The thing is, you can get whatever you want. Once you have that, they know who you are. There's no way. What the fuck are your plans, man? Are you opening the new St. Regis? Why? You don't need... You were doing your shit for

whatever, $50,000. You're fine. You have $14 million a year for the next quarter century. You've got to change your phone number and move immediately. Oh my god, you're fine. You have $14 million a year for the next quarter century. So you've got to change your phone number and move immediately. Oh, my God. The amount of people that are going to hit you up. Just give me a million. You can just give me a million and you still have all that money.

All the time. Come on, dude. Friends, family. You're getting $14 million a year. You can't give me a million a year. And you have to say no. Can you imagine? Oh, it's got to be.

People are going to ask you to give them a million dollars a year. Dude, you get $14 million a year. Give me $1 million a year. Come on, man. You'd have to be like, you know what? That's a really good argument, but I'm going to have to say no. You make a good point. What would you do if Matt Fultron, one of your good friends, said, Tommy, you won $300 million.

You can't give me a million a year. I love you, Matt. But nothing. You'd give him nothing? No, I probably would give. Yeah, but I don't think you could let people dictate the terms and how much. You have to give whatever you want to give. Yeah.

It's weird when someone starts asking you for money. Matt's a good friend. I want to give him a weird number. What would you give him? $138,000. $1,000. $216,000. Yeah.

$1,000. Yeah. But that's it. You make $300 million. He gets, eh, I'll give you $100,000. All right. Well, I mean, Christmas is coming up. I might give you a bonus.

Would you start a business? That much money, I think. Why would you? Would you need to make more? Make more money? Why would you start a business? So you could lose some of it? No, I think the first thing I would do is move like to the area like the exact whatever area neighborhood

home I desire the most that where would that be I don't know maybe Hawaii Hawaii maybe you'd have to travel to to see your friends the problem with Hawaii is it's five hours away by plane I know but I got the jet now just hop on the jet It takes five hours in a plane. If you live five hours drive from somewhere, how annoying would that be? I know, but I mean, come on, man. I'm setting my jet. Are you going to be a real... It's a really nice jet. Okay. How about this? How about I live in the mountains,

five hours drive up the top of a mountain. How often are you going to visit me? But can't I have a second home in Hawaii? Yes, you can have a second home in Hawaii, but where are you going to live? Primary residence. That's a good question. Would you give up on Hollywood?

I mean, there's no need to be here anymore. Well, yeah, I mean, because you can do stand-up from anywhere if I still like doing stand-up. You wouldn't need their fucking whore money. Yeah. Their goddamn devil. I could do whatever I want. That's a great actual, it's just where do you want to live the most? Yeah.

Where would it be? I don't know. I still love California. That's a great actual, it's just where do you want to live the most? Yeah. Where would it be? I still love California. Maybe either, somewhere beach. I like the beaches, so maybe. Santa Barbara's nice. Santa Barbara, maybe Laguna. More relaxed, less people. Beachfront Laguna Beach kind of thing.

Newport, that area. Yeah. That's kind of nice. That is nice. Not that far. Santa Barbara's beautiful. But then I also love, I mean, fuck, if you have $350 million, you probably buy your houses wherever you want.

Buy a house in Seattle, New York, Miami. Yeah, but where would be where you decide to live? Definitely. Look at you. You love California. I love California. You do. You represent.

Yeah, I do. You wear like an LA hat. Fucking hardcore, man. You represent. Yeah. It's fun. I love it out here. You defend it.

LA hat. Fucking hardcore, man. You represent. Yeah. I love it out here. You defend it. People live in shitty places, and they have the nerve to shit on where we live. It's unbelievable. You do these fucking dog shit towns, and they're like, you live in LA.

I'd never want to go there. I'm like, clearly you have shit taste. I'm here because they're paying me. I can't wait to get the fuck out. So you stay, man. Stay here. We don't need you at all. out. So you stay, man. Stay here. We don't need you at all. Well, people's ideas of California being bad are most of it.

They've never visited half the time. Yeah, sometimes. It's their idea of what California is. Well, then it's all Kanye West out here. It's like 100 million Kanye Wests. Everybody's yelling, I'm the greatest ever. Christina has the best story. It was a baggage handler at the airport in Detroit.

He's putting the bag tag on her bag and it says LAX. She's like, you live in LA? And she's like, yeah. He's like, I don't want any part of that shit. She's like, you're putting tags on bags in Detroit. You don't want to check out LA? What the fuck is your problem? And he's like, well, all that celebrity shit.

That's the other thing is they go the city is red carpet like they think that it's like and they think that because you live in la let's say you're not a celebrity they're like you must be obsessed with celebrity culture yeah that's the perception like oh you're out there chasing celebrities like what are you talking about man yeah i've heard guys also say ridiculous shit like, you know, you couldn't ever meet a girl out here, man, because girls just want to meet famous dudes in L.A. How many famous people do you think there are? Regular guys get laid too out here. Oh, for sure. What are you talking about?

What's this based on? What studies did you perform? The funny thing, too, is for people that don't live here, even like whether you're a performer, whether you work in any type of the entertainment business at all, for the most part, when you're in LA and people spot celebrities, nobody gives a shit.

It's the opposite of outside of LA. Like people see celebrities at most that I've ever seen as people are like, how's it going, man? Big fan. Like nobody, people mind their business in LA.

It's a big difference between that and a place where they don't get to see someone who's on TV on a regular basis. Yeah, it becomes passe out here. Like, oh, there's that guy. Yeah. Which is probably better, you know? Sure. Definitely better.

Yeah. You stand out less. And I totally feel like the cliche weather conversation that we all have is, you know, and people are like, it's underdone. It's not spoken about enough. Weather is everything. Don't act like having great weather isn't one of the greatest perks of where you live or the worst part of where you live.

We talk about that, like, everybody talks, yeah, it's because it's fucking awesome here. It's amazing, and it's amazing about 96% of the time. And we're going to act like that doesn't play a huge part in why this place is great. Of course it is, man. It does, but I've got to be honest, I like it when it rains here. Because it rains so rarely, I like that it mixes up.

It's fun, of course you like the change, but the fact that there are people suffering for not a day or a week, months and months of the year, and you have the fucking top down in your car, it's not really something you can ignore. It's pretty fantastic. And it's sunny.

Sunny, beautiful. It's not just nice out temperature-wise. You get sun, and you feel it, and it feels good. Oh, yeah, and there's the ocean with a fucking sailboat going by. What a nice day it is today. Okay. Yeah, it sucks here.

Everything sucks. I think for a lot of people that say L.A. sucks, there's a bunch of factors. The traffic is a big one. The fake, fakeness, fake communication that you get here. The fake people. You get a lot of fake shit here. As opposed to what you get on the East Coast. You get more authenticity

I think in places where people have to deal with weather and people don't deal as much with actors. It's part of the it's one of the downsides of this area. But it's not enough of a downside that it makes it suck. Right. The traffic is enough that makes it suck.

But can I say one thing about traffic? Traffic here is terrible. Yeah. New York City, Washington, D.C., Atlanta, Miami, Houston, all these cities have absolutely disastrous rush hours and traffic. Yeah. All the fucking time. Yep. If you want to live in a big metropolitan area,

it's just one of the things that comes with it. Yeah, if you want to try to drive from Long Island into Manhattan. Oh, my God. You want to try to do it in the morning, get to work. Good luck, dude. Good luck. I did that once, and I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe the line. I was staying in Long Island and driving into New York for something a while ago yeah and uh i remember being on the highway going if i had to do this every day i'd probably go fucking crazy yeah because it was hours and it's because of the fucking toll too that's another level of bullshit that you have to deal with in new york that you don't have to deal with here everywhere you go it fucking costs you money. Everywhere. Every fucking bridge, the turnpike. Turnpike, you've got to stop all the time.

You stop and you've got to pay. Aren't those fees now like real money? $14. Shit like that. That's not cheap, man, to drive over a bridge. Yeah, fuck you. Back and forth. A bridge that was paid for a long-ass time ago, too.

Yeah, that's pretty nuts, man. God damn it. But I will say this. My favorite part of the country is, like, people-wise, is definitely the Midwest. I love people in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Ohio. I love those people. Yeah.

They're really authentic. They're nice people. The salt of the earth. And I think that's also because they don't have to deal with show business. They don't have to deal with show business. They don't have to deal with show business. They have less stress because there's not as much traffic. And they have character because they have to deal with fucking cunty weather all the time. Yeah, that's true.

There's something about being happy and dealing with a little bit of struggle. I don't think you can get there. I think growing up in California is like winning the lottery. I think what you're dealing with is an earned respect for the weather here because you're from Cincinnati and you live in Florida. You lived in a bunch of places where it sucks. And then you come here and you're like, oh, wait a minute. What are you talking about? This place is perfect. But one of the reasons why you're interesting is because you didn't grow up here. Oh, right, right, right.

So it's great to come here once you're a developed human. I agree. I agree. And I do think the other thing, too, about the reason I get defensive about Southern California is the amount of people who go out of their way to tell you that they – we weren't even talking about that, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Did I ask you? Yeah. They, like, we weren't even talking about that, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, did I ask you? Yeah. They're like, why? Yeah, but it's just like, you know, they think it's all the Kardashians. Yeah, I know. It's just fucking ridiculous. The whole city is keeping up with the Kardashians. Please.

Out of their minds. There's a lot of people here, man. A lot of good people, though. Yeah. It's a giant number. You know, when you think about 20 million plus Mexicans, what does that really boil out to? Do they even have any idea how many illegal aliens are here? I don't think we have a real idea.

I mean, how could they? They're illegal aliens. Yeah. It's like trying to, like, figure out how many deer are in a patch of land. Our state has about 40 million people. 40 million? That's pretty crazy. And how many of those people do you think are illegal Mexicans?

40 million. That's pretty crazy. And how many of those people do you think are illegal Mexicans? Probably around 15. Do you know how fucked that is, man, that those people can never go to college, can never get a driver's license, can never vote, can never. But they live here. But they're basically American. Or pretend they're not American.

Like, you're not really American. No, no, no. You didn't do it right. You didn't do not American. Like, you're not really American. No, no, no. You didn't do it right. You didn't do it the way we say you got to do it. Yeah. But they've been here for 20, 30 years. But don't they, they can actually go and get a driver's license, right? Can't you just go in and get that without even proper paperwork? I think the Terminator stopped that shit.

Really? I think they were going to do that. But I think he stepped in. That'll be the next. California, California. Even though it's already, you's already part of the conversation, that'll be the next huge thing is going to be immigration

reform. Well, you know, you're not going to stop people from driving. By telling them they can't have a driver's license, you're just going to create a bunch of illegal drivers. They're grown adults. If they have a job and they save up some money, they get a car, by hook or by crook, they figure out how to get it on the road, and then they drive around because this is what they've got to do.

And when you arrest them and you take their car away, you're just stealing from them. What you really should do is figure out a way to make them be a paying part of the culture. The other problem is the big thing that people don't talk about with illegal aliens is they're not paying taxes. Because if you're getting paid in cash and you're thinking about that, what are the odds that people that are getting paid in cash are paying the proper amount? Oh, please. You catch some guy, and he's a day worker. He's working on construction sites, and they're paying him cash. That guy's not going to report any of that income.

Ever. Of course not. And you say, well, hey, he shouldn't have to pay taxes. He doesn't make much money in the first place. Well, if that's our attitude, then we better go to those fucking people working at McDonald's because they're getting robbed. Someone's taken from their paycheck. They have to give to Social Security.

Everybody does. There's many billions unaccounted for. Unaccounted for that would be, and I'm not saying that it shouldn't be at least difficult to become a citizen. I think you should speak a little bit of English, at least, a little bit. Make an effort. You should have no violent criminal history, and whatever other crimes you've done, it should be really decided whether or not we want to include you in our culture.

And if they're not included in our culture, we get rid of them. This weird thing we do where we just sort of tolerate them, we should let them be Americans. Every American is a goddamn immigrant. Every one of them. Oh, I know. I mean, the balls to be like- like but that's what we are we're a nation of immigrants yeah that's the whole country this is ridiculous yeah it's it's really taking advantage of the fact that these poor people you know uh they're gonna be here whether we like it or not so let's just you know you got to find a way to make it work i mean the worst part of that whole thing is is when you have people who came here illegally,

had kids here who are now American citizens, and we're going to ship the parents out? Yeah. I mean, imagine doing that to your kids. Like, how awful. It's awful. And for the longest time, the kids weren't able to go to college. The kids, if they were born in another country, like if a kid was a baby in another country and the mother said, you know what, I need to raise my son in America.

This is too dangerous where I live. I'm going to take a chance. I'm going to get in a fucking cargo car and hide and make it to California. And they do it. They get through all that. Their kid grows up in America. And then the kid can't go to college. Because he's illegal.

Now they can. But for the longest time, that was the dilemma of the children of illegal immigrants who were born in another country that were smuggled over here for their own future, for their own safety. And people that are concerned enough about their kid's future, they're willing to risk their own life to bring them to another country. I mean, it's a huge commitment. And it's a political pawn is what it becomes. It becomes this political pawn where people are looking at it and if you're on the right, then you support tough immigration and strengthen our borders and stop the flow of illegal immigration into this country. And if you're soft and you're one of those bleeding heart liberals,

then you decide, well, listen, we need to take care of these people. Liberals. Then you decide, well, listen, we need to take care of these people. We need to set up, you know, and make it so that they can have access to all the things that we pay for because they're unfortunate. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth. And I think the idea that these people just are here and then we just they're illegal immigrants and we don't address the issue at all. They just sort of stay here. That's what we do in California. Yeah. There was a there wasn't there a movie about that like the day the mexicans left la yes comedy is where everything shut down yep well you can better believe that if you're talking about our city yeah if like if you kicked out like hypothetically every illegal person this shit

would not function shut It would shut down. Completely shut down. So what the fuck kind of game are we playing? Yeah. We're pretending this thing that they're not a part of us. Oh, it's crazy. They totally, whatever your position is, the one undeniable truth is that the economy functions, a huge part of it, because we have illegal immigrants working in it.

And that goes not just for Southern California. That's across the board. Across the board. I mean, in other countries or in other cities in the country, it's probably less significant. But here, it's fucking gigantic. It's a lot. It's a whole lot. The idea that we just let that stay that way and just, eh, it's a mess.

It's complicated. It's a political issue because you can't say that you want to do immigration reform because you're going to lose the vote of the Latinos. The Latinos that are here legally, the last thing that they're going to want is you to say that you're going to make it tougher. So you're going to lose that vote. So you have to decide. It's a big vote now. But if you say that you're

going to let them in and you're going to make it easier, then you're going to lose the vote of the hardcore right. You're going to lose the vote of the hardcore right. Right. And you're going to lose a lot of the corporations, which are probably benefiting on using immigration labor. And it's certainly benefiting. Cheap labor.

Certainly benefiting on the shit like they did with the WTO when they started moving factories down to Mexico. There's a lot of goddamn corporations that benefited from that. Yeah. It's so funny how you can always, the corporations support whatever makes them. Of course. They don't give a fuck. They're not real.

They're a construct, and a construct designed to create more numbers. That's all they are. The fact that there's people running it is inconsequential. It's essentially a machine unto itself. It's a money-making machine. A literal money-making machine. Yeah, this is not labor-related, but like what Carl Icahn's trying to do now to Apple.

What's he trying to do? Well, he's a big shareholder, and, you know, he's a famous corporate raider. And so he's trying to get Apple to do a massive buyback because they're sitting on a horde of cash. Yeah. Over $145 billion. That's amazing. Cash. Not like perceived value of a share.

Cash money. Yeah, they're like bigger than most countries. They're bigger than big investment bank firms. Well, they're bigger than the United States, really, because the United States is in debt. Yeah. They're just- Right.

With trillions of dollars in debt. Best money making. I mean, it's a lot of cash. So this guy's trying to do what? He's trying to get them to buy back shares of Apple. So if you own a lot of, you own stock, basically Apple would have to use some of that cash to benefit the investor. The guy that owns stock in Apple will now make money because they're buying back. So they would buy back their shares in return. They would be- The share price would go through the roof. So if you own stock, you're going to be increased in value.

And they would be a private company then? Well, they wouldn't buy back- All of it. All of it. Yeah, just some of it. And he wants them to basically do something for the investor. Yeah, do something with all that cash. With all that cash.

But see, Apple doesn't want to bring that cash back. It sits overseas so that they don't have to pay those crazy high corporate tax rates. Dirty Apple. They have so much money, though, Dirty Apple. Exactly. Dirty, Dirty Apple. Get that money back into he's having conversations with them but if they are unwilling then mr. Eichen will bring something to the board and shareholders meeting and people will

vote on whether or not to to go through with this buyback Wow I never thought I'd be on the side of a corporate raider mmm yeah I know right and he's worth by the way 20 billion dollars himself he's worth, by the way, $20 billion himself. He probably wants the biggest yacht ever. He's just like, damn, if I just make this happen, then I'll get the biggest yacht ever. Yeah, I mean, he's just, I think he just loves this. Yeah, he loves it. It's not about, I need more money.

Yeah, people who say that there's no, I don't need money. I don't need much money. I agree with you. You're better having a happy life doing what you want to do than having tons of money and being unhappy. Yeah. However, there's something to be said for being a guy who has $20 billion. Because I know, me personally, if I had $20 billion, I could make a lot of shit happen. Yeah. Okay? You have a lot of power at that point, I could make a lot of shit happen. Yeah. Okay?

You have a lot of power at that point. I could make a lot of shit happen. I think I would start restructuring society if I had $20 billion fucking dollars. I would make some moves. Yeah. You almost have a responsibility. You do. The idea that you couldn't do good with $20 billion.

You know what kind of community centers you could set up with $20 billion? You know what kind of educational foundations, research foundations, how much money you could give to applied sciences, and how much money you could give to the right politicians? $20 billion is a lot of money. That's kind of the principle behind that giving pledge. You have world-changing money, so why don't you do something? You got your houses and yachts and planes, let's make some changes.

The amount of money those guys have, when you really stop and think about the corporate raider type characters. You know those houses, you ever see those houses in the Hamptons? Yeah. Where you fly over and they look like castles? Yeah. And you just go, I didn't even know this existed. Yeah.

These 30-acre compounds with these 50,000 square feet homes, and you're looking at it like, what is that? I mean, the staff running that home is its own economy. Well, Evander Holyfield had a house in Atlanta. I remember that. And it was like 110 rooms, and it cost more than a million dollars a year to run. To run! A million! That's to run. Yeah. To run!

A million! That's a lot. A million Tommy Buns. That means he's paying $100,000 a month. In his home. Just taking care of his home. Wow. Yeah.

And that house fucked him. Yeah, he had to unload that house. I don't even think he did. I think they took it from him. Took it from him. Who the fuck's going to buy that thing? Did you see, by the way, when we were talking, we were having dinner. That's Tyson's house.

Tyson's house was dog shit compared to Van Der's. Van Der's is crazy. To Tyson's house that he abandoned in Ohio. I don't know why he bought a house in Ohio either, by the way. Where's he from? Is he from Ohio? Yeah. No. Mike Tyson? He grew up in Brownsville. I thought he was born in Canton or Ak a house in Ohio either, by the way. That's where he's from. Is he from Ohio? Yeah. No.

Mike Tyson? He grew up in Brownsville. I thought he was born in Canton or Akron or something. No, no, no. He was born in Brooklyn. Okay. Well, let's find out. Yeah, he's a New York guy.

Well, I know he lived there. I think he's Brooklyn born, and then, you know, the training with Cuss was up in. He was in training with an Ohio then. Was in, at some point maybe, right? Because it was Catskills The training was in Ohio then. Was in... At some point, maybe, right? Because it was Catskills and then maybe later there. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he was born in New York. I don't know.

It doesn't say here. It just says he's 47. It doesn't say his place of birth? Wow. I'm looking in his wiki. Can't find it yet. Born in Brooklyn. Yeah.

How dare you, Jamie Jamie God damn it Jamie Disinformation Why did he buy a house in Ohio then? Because Well just because someone Buys a house in Ohio Doesn't mean they're from Ohio There's a lot of

You're downgrading Ohio son And you're from Ohio So how dare you He's just reeling off That Buckeyes loss Don't Is that what it is? He's a little

Poor bastard Little butthurt over that. You guys are talking sports. You guys are talking shit I don't know nothing about. In and out. We're done with it. The Evander Holyfield house. Pull that shit up if you can because it's quite stunning.

The grounds, just the grounds. It was like a giant golf course. Do you remember when we were talking about how crazy Mayweather lives? Yeah. I was like, but Pacquiao... Yeah, he didn't give a fuck. Pacquiao's the one who's going to come... talking about how crazy Mayweather lives? Yeah. Pacquiao is the one who's going to come. You see how he's having money problems? Oh, well, they took his money. The government shut all his money off. Because he owes

crazy amounts of money, right? Allegedly. This is what he says. He paid taxes in America on his winnings. They want him to pay taxes again for the Philippines. Oh, my God. And he's like, look, I already paid. And they're saying he owes 50 million dollars. Oh my god. So they took

all his money. They just took it all. So, like, he wanted to help tsunami victims or the typhoon. Look at Holyfield's house. Oh my god. And they closed his bank accounts. Look at Holyfield's house. My god. When you see this house, just go back to the outside photo again. Look at the fucking size of that. That's so crazy. When you see this house, just go back to the outside photo again.

Look at the fucking size of that. That's so crazy. Can you pull back and see, like, in perspective with the grounds? See if they have one that shows the grounds. It looks like the fucking- 109 rooms. Built more. Oh, my God.

Look at the fucking aerial view. Yeah. Isn't it amazing that within a couple of decades, all that money is gone? Like, that guy was making so much money when he beat Riddick Bowe and back when he was the heavyweight champ and he beat Mike Tyson. These are like $30, $40 million paydays, right? I don't know. I would assume that he was, like, making.

I don't think anybody made the kind of money that Floyd Mayweather is making now. Floyd Mayweather is making, like, $100 million a fight fight. Yeah. Like he might make $100 million for the Canelo Alvarez fight. It's because he's also a promoter. Yeah. And nobody sells pay-per-views like that fucking guy. He's a wizard. Yeah, he is. He's selling it for $7 million? What? What? 109 rooms. Is that what it says? Yeah. It says he sold it for $7 million? Pull back on that. That is fucking insane.

Cost more than $1 million annually to maintain. Wait, wait. He's selling it for $7 million. He sold it for $7.5 million. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He made $230 million. Child support cases in Georgia, Texas, and California. He's double digit kids yeah he likes shooting loads and girls it's fun that's fun feels good it's the best thing best thing ever

he just didn't give a fuck i guess that's not man but that's crazy child support payments eight up is 230 million. You know, you hear stories. I know a girl whose sister tried to get a guy pregnant by taking the condom out of the trash and squirting it

into her body. Really? Yeah, it was like a basketball player or something like that. Yeah, that's like a big thing in NBA circles

is like the hoes show up. I know a guy who works for a team and that's like a big thing in NBA circles is like the hoes show up. I know a guy who works for a team, and he's like the hoe patrol. Like they show up, and they always know the hotels, and they make themselves available to these guys, you know? Like they're wanting to get pregnant. I'm sure. Yeah, so they really have to – you have to really – or you get it, man. And then they just – they know the process.

They have, like, they're already set up with the lawyer for when they get pregnant to how to file for child support. Like, it's already ready to go. Ugh. That's just, the goal is pregnancy. Well, it's like those accident attorneys that you see late at night. Have you been injured? Right. Do you need medical assistance?

Did you take cum? Are you in pain? Yeah. Did you take cock? Did you get pregnant by a basketball player? We have the solution. So they probably just have a template. Would you like to make $25,000, $35,000, $45,000 a month just for letting your pussy get beaten up?

Bang, bang, bang. Call me. Yeah. That's amazing that people would do that that they would actually bring a life into the world just for profit just for profit absolutely but when you think about it if you got no money and then all of a sudden the the possibility of making thirty five thousand dollars a month and having a kid that you love that's so much money to somebody who's not making money yeah oh my god and it'll give you status you know if you're carrying around, like, some famous guy, Allen Iverson's kid.

Sure. You get status. But I got some bad news for you. If you had Allen Iverson's kid, you might not get that check this month. Well, he was another one, right? How much money did that guy make in his career? Over $200 million. It's gone.

It's funny that we were talking about lotto winners and how they fucking fall apart. These guys earned their money from their skill, and it's all gone, too. It's like that we were talking about lotto winners and how they fucking fall apart. These guys got, earned their money from their skill and it's all gone too. It's like a hundred million. He lost $200 million. Dude, he made crazy money playing and he had, he had significant endorsements. I mean, that was a guy making 20 and 25 million a year, year after year after year. This hurts my feelings. Yeah, it's really, it's really upsetting. It really does. It hurts my feelings. I can it's really upsetting. It really does. It hurts my feelings.

I can't understand it. I don't understand that much. Why wouldn't you take like 10 million, put it somewhere? Just 10. You wish, man. You wish you had, I'm sure. I mean, I'm sure that would be so much money to him right now. He'd be like, oh, I got that 10 stash.

Yeah, just live in a nice neighborhood, buy a decent 10 stash. 10, yeah. Just live in a nice neighborhood. Buy a decent house for half a million or whatever. Just live normal. Live normal. Live normal. I think because it's so much, and especially in basketball where your money's guaranteed. Yeah.

You made like 20 million this year, and you spent crazy, and they're like, dude, you got another 130 coming to you. Do you remember I ran Barkley? Who dude, you got another 130 coming to you. Do you remember Iran Barkley? Who? Iran Barkley. Uh-uh. Iran Barkley was a world champion boxer, beat Tommy Hearns,

fought Roberto Duran, fought some of the greats, was homeless, made millions, millions of dollars. And one of the things that he said, there was a problem with him when he was younger, it was keeping up with all his friends. Like he became friends with all his friends. He became friends with all these rich athletes. And they would all like, hey, I got this new Benz. Hey, I got this new house.

He would try to keep up with them. Yeah. They focus on the competitive part of athletes with money on that documentary, Broke, that Billy Corbin made. What is that documentary? Because Billy Corbin is fucking awesome. He's the same guy that did Cocaine Cowboys. Yeah. Yeah.

So he's done two documentaries for ESPN, their 30 for 30 series. Oh. One is called The U, and it's about University of Miami's football program and dominance and how they basically came from nothing to just crazy heights of just five, you know, or five national championships. And then the other one he made was called Broke,

and it's about athletes who have basically spent it all. But one of the parts of that, when they're talking about sort of the psychology of how you end up going broke, is the guys were saying, you know, I show up, you show up at the practice facility and like Joe's got you know a Ferrari f430 and you're like god damn he's like check this shit out man and then you're like that's nice fuck I got a top Joe I'm gonna go get a Lambo Aventador tomorrow and show up what's up man Check out my shit. And then you each just spent $400,000 that week.

So if you're always doing that, then you show up with a new chain. I'm like, that's a nice chain. I've got to show up with some hot shit. It's the same thing about us shooting pool and racing on the track and hitting the bench press, that competitive thing, that goes into then the money spending. and hitting the bench press, that competitive thing, that goes into then the money spending. So you're always, and if you're talking about 50 teammates,

you're just competing. You're always competing. Everybody's just buying bigger and crazier shit. Yep, and no one telling you this is a really bad idea, man. They're taking care of families, too. Bernie Kosar took care of 50 families. 50 families? He was responsible for financially. 50?

50. Why He was responsible for financially. 50? 50. Why was he responsible? He felt the responsibility. Like this says in the, and this article is about it. It says that they called it the hitting the ghetto lottery and they felt the responsibility to take care of their friends and family.

Like Andre Rison was taking care of 40 people. Oh my God. Bernie Kosar was taking care of 50 families. Travis Henry, he's the all-time travis henry is the all-time great as far as fucking making kids with a lot of people and then having what can you this is nine kids with nine moms for 17 000 per month look at this but hold on a second look at this part but it's not just known friends and families that hound these instant millionaires it's also young ladies with an eye for upward mobility. One restaurant owner in the nation's capital confessed

that she had 7,000 women who would receive an automatic text message every time Michael Jordan walked into the joint during his stretch as a wizard. Typically, over 2,000 women would heed the call. Of course, these rich young ballers aren't exactly turning ladies away either. That is unbelievable. So, Jordan would show up at a place and 2,000 women would show up to meet him there. 7,000 women would get the text message. Michael Jordan. Oh my god.

Imagine the pussy that's been thrown at Michael Jordan. You can't even wrap your head around it. You know what it's like? It's like locusts. Yeah. You step outside. Oh, yeah. He's had multiple suits now for people that are like, this is your kid. And he's actually won suits.

He's winning them. He's winning them because that's how he's so famous. I think there's probably people that did fuck. You did fuck me. He's like, I didn't make a kid with you. Well, there's also probably, I'm sure, but there's also probably people that are hoping that he'll just pay them. Of course.

Just shut up. Here's 300 grand of shut up. Yeah, but you can't just keep doing that. No. Especially when you're not making money anymore. I mean, how much do those Hanes commercials pay? Oh, he makes unbelievable money still. Doing what?

Well, his shoe brand is the absolute craziest. Oh, that's his. That's his. So Air Jordans are his. So it's Nike. Nike owns his brand of Air Jordan, but he is a huge, huge benefactor of that brand. And he is the number one shoe among, like, basketball shoes are a huge, huge, multi-billion dollar business. Yeah.

His shoes still outsell LeBron and Kobe, which is, and he's been done for years. That's so crazy. Yeah, I would say that Michael Jordan still probably makes probably, like, $40 million a year. God damn. Yeah. He's, as far as business goes, he is set up, man. That's unbelievable. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, far as business goes, he is set up, man. That's unbelievable. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I didn't even think about the sneakers. But it is incredible when you hear about a guy who was so awesome that still to this day. It's amazing his name rings in the hallowed halls. They do that. Oh, look. I'm sorry. I was off by 40 million.

Oh, my God. Yeah. That's insane. But how many athletes can say that? None. None. He's number one. They do that, I think it's like a Q rating where they rank the impact of just athletes.

And the top 10 is like always the craziest list of guys who we all know who they are. Tiger Woods. Right, right. I mean, Michael Jordan is number one. He's been number one for like 25 years. And the lowest he ever dipped, he went to like number two once under Tiger Woods. He's probably pissed. Very pissed.

I bet he was. Yeah. Yeah. He apparently, if you beat him in a game of pool, he won't talk to you for two weeks. I bet. Yeah, they say he's- He's just fucking crazy. Oh, yeah.

He's crazy. He's just completely crazy and competitive still. They showed him playing at a hotel. He was playing beer pong with these people a few weeks ago. And you could see him. He's fucking focused on his shot, shooting ping pong balls in the cup. That seems like it would be unfair. He would know more about the dynamics of things bouncing than the average person.

I bet he took that shit super seriously, too. I bet he did. He's got a deep, deep knowledge of balls. And if you won that, he was like, fuck that. Round two is up right now. Double or nothing. Double or nothing. Definitely.

Just stack some money on the table. He's bringing in dudes with suitcases. Apparently, he's like that with golf. That's what they say. They say in golf, he is a maniac. And he actually, there was an article that was written about him. I don't know if it's true or not. But some guy who claimed that he owed millions of dollars or half a million dollars.

There was a book about it. There was a book about it. He was a, thing is that he is a notorious gambler. He's actually a really good golfer. Like, he has a real game, you know. And he would, it wasn't uncommon for him to bet a quarter million on a round of golf. And he would also, they said like when he goes to Vegas, he does, you know, shit like that for fun. Because he makes 80 million a year.

Isn't that incredible? Yeah. What a weird life that guy has. Yeah, it's amazing. And he's getting married. He got married. He got married. Yeah.

Some young hottie too. She's so hot. A little Cuban. I think she's a half Cuban or a Cuban. She's like, fuck it, I'll just give her a got married. Yeah. Some young hottie, too. She's so hot. A little Cuban. I think she's a half Cuban or a Cuban down in Florida. She's like, fuck it. I'll just give her a little piece. Yeah. Give her a little piece of this cash.

You think that's a pretty airtight prenup you'd get when you marry Michael Jordan? Oh, I imagine it goes through several layers of lawyers. Like, looking for everybody. And when your lawyer sends it back, they're like, listen, do you like him? Do you want this to work? Just sign. There's no other lawyer. Just sign it. You don't negotiate.

You get 23 and you for life. That's a good deal, right? And he's just a maniac gambler, just going off with that $80 million a year, coming in every year. And that's why you can't say shit about when he's gambling. I lost a million dollars gambling today. Ten years plus, he's making like a hundred, I mean, think about that.

It's so crazy. A hundred million dollars a year, close to it for 10 years. I mean, how long does it take? Does he have a billion? Do you think he has a billion? I think so. Probably has a billion. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you make an 80 million a year.

And he was famous for, I don't know if it was him or his agent at the time, but he's famous for being one of the innovators in that when he was getting these crazy, I don't know if it was him or his agent at the time, but he's famous for being one of the innovators in that when he was getting these crazy endorsement deals, he was getting stock as part of his deals. So he would get millions of dollars to sponsor, to be the endorser of Gatorade, but then insisted on owning stock. Well, guess what? insisted on owning stock. Well, guess what? When Michael Jordan started endorsing Gatorade, stock went up pretty significantly,

and he made many, many more millions than he would have. So he's pretty innovative in that sense, too. It's incredible when you hear a guy like him, and then you hear a guy like Tyson, who's telling his story now on HBO. He does it in a Broadway show. Of how I lost $300 million. Yeah. I mean, the difference in the two, it's pretty substantial.

You know, another thing is, too, basketball, you're not getting hit in the fucking head. That helps. Getting hit in the head definitely increases your amount of shitty decisions that you make. Yeah. Without a doubt. Yeah. No doubt. I mean, think about how shitty your brain works when you're exhausted.

Oh, yeah. Now, think about it after an exhausting fight of getting fucking thumped in the head for 12 rounds. Now, think about doing that over the course of 20-plus years. A lot of cloudy judgment. This is going to be some shitty decision-making. Yeah. Some shitty 109-room houses that you have built. And they're like, Evander, do you know how much this is going to cost?

I'd make a lot of money. I'm a champ. worry about God will provide real deal Jesus will provide me with my bounty okay he's still fighting Evander's fighting yeah I believe so yeah I think he just tried to fight recently he couldn't get uh I think it was, maybe it was. Here's what I want to know. Is Riddick Bowe still fighting? Because that wasn't good a while ago. He fought recently in a Muay Thai fight. Oh, my God. It was really sad. It was really, really sad.

He got leg kicked. He got stopped by leg kicks. But it was just devastating, man. Yeah, he's 51 years old, and he's still fighting. Still trying to fight. He still looks good, actually. As far as, like, boxers go, talks pretty good. Oh, my God.

Evander. Yeah. Yeah. Not bad. Yeah. Yeah, well, people are still talking about him fighting. I mean, who knows? Wow. Four hours ago who knows? Wow.

Four hours ago. This is crazy. Four hours ago, Evander Holyfield Mansion fails to sell at auction. Failed to sell? Yep. Back on market. It's back on market, son. It was $6.8 million.

Wow. It's back on the free market for $6.8 million. Wow. It's back on the free market for $6.8 million. They tried. So it was purchased by JPMorgan Chase last year for $7.5 million after he defaulted on his debt. So then they tried to sell it at auction. Nobody wanted it, and now it's on sale for $6.8 million. That is a fucking steal you've got to

be able to do to make money on that somehow man no no no one cares no i'm saying make money like if you buy it now like if you were to buy that house i doubt it really yeah no the the only reason why no one's buying it is because they can't make money on it i mean to have a house like that you're gonna that house is gonna sit on the market for a long fucking time. And who's going to buy it? Is it going to be some new LeBron James type guy? That's the only type of guy that's going to buy it. And even then, they're going to look at that and go, 109 fucking rooms? Do I need 109? No, I need like 20. 20. Yeah, 20's good. And a basketball court. And they're like, well, we can get you that. I'm like, yeah, yeah, let's do that. You can get that and you get like 89 other rooms.

Why don't you want this? It's a great deal. You got staff everywhere. Of course, it's crazy. It would be like living in the Shining House. It should be, yeah, yeah. It should be like, they need to reach out to like some Middle Eastern, you know.

Some baller. Yeah, yeah. Some Dubai type dude who's a boxing fan. Prince Nafseem Hamed's friend. Just maybe one day I'll go to Georgia. Just buy that and we'll stay there. For a paltry 6.8 million, you know, a guy Georgia. Just buy that. Yeah. And we'll stay there. For a paltry $6.8 million, a guy like- Not a lot, man.

One of those Salt No. 9 type characters. Totally. Buy that shit up with the quickness, son. Give me that shit. Did you check out my special bombing episode that I aired? No, you told me about it. We were talking about it before the podcast. It's funny.

We're almost three hours in. We were going to mention it. Are we really? Oh, shit. Two hours in. What the fuck happened? You were up in Winnipeg? I was up in Winnipeg.

I was doing this club that I've done many times called Rumors. It's an old club. It's a good club. And it was a Saturday night. And instead of regular comedy club crowd it happened to be like private event people like a group of 80 was doing their corporate party you know i mean so it wasn't like it wasn't individuals buying one and two tickets right it's just a giant group giant groups there was like three groups one was like 80. One was 60.

So you don't, like, it's more like you're doing a corporate, like you're doing a private event, you know. And I talk, I break it down. If you want to listen to, it's episode 172 of Your Mom's House. And I play the audio from this thing falling off the rails. And I mean, it is... Like, there was a lady who worked at the club. She's been there 20 years. And she told me, she goes, I've never seen shit like that, even close to that before.

What happened? It was, I mean... I think it's like a combination of things happening to make it fall apart that way. Basically, I went up there. I had one guy in the front row who I fucking, you know when you just hate somebody and you fixate on them? Because this one guy who was kind of mumbling, talking,

tagging everything I said. Oh, no. He's like, yeah, I bet you'd like that. And you're like, what? What did you just say? I said, one of those guys who I fucking absolutely lost my shit. I didn't lose my shit on him, but I kind of tried to straighten him out. And then there was one of the groups, one of the groups of like 50, 50, 60 people was like being super loud.

And like the first, like really talking loud. And I went to talk to them. They were kind of like, just were kind of shitty about it. And the thing is, it's different when you do a regular show and let's say you go after somebody or you go after a table, you're just working on five people maybe, right? A group that like... But then everybody else in that room has nothing to do with them.

Right. In this case it was more like mob mentality where when i was like hey go fuck yourself then the group is like you're talking to us yeah not you're not just talking to them you're talking to my group of 80 so then it was like no fuck you like but in in unison there's all of them and then it just went then i tried to put it back on the rails which which I was like, I'm sure I can. I've done this a thousand times. Let me put this back together.

Fuck you, man. Like, it was like, go. They were yelling at you? Dude, they were booing in unison for like 15, 20 minutes. The 80 people. At this point, it was more than their group. So it was probably 200 people doing that. Oh, my God.

So it was their group, and then other groups chimed in? Oh, yeah. Booing you too? Unrelated groups? Yes, yes. Whoa. It was pretty crazy. Wow.

And then they're like, bring back the... I had a black feature act. They're like, bring back the black guy. Like, screaming that. Screaming it, man. And it went... Wow. And here's the thing.

I resigned to the fact that it was so crazy it was less emotional I and I talk about this on that episode then your standard bombing like when you're bombing in a regular bombing where it's just not going your way and you start to sweat and you're like man sucks. I'm chewing dicks up here. But like, and that like emotionally affects you. This was different in that I felt like their response to me was so outrageous. Like I felt like it was unwarranted how upset they were that it affected me less. Like I was just standing up there. I was like, all right, guys, ready for some more jokes? As they're booing me.

I wasn't as flustered as I've been during a regular. A real bomb. Yes. So you were just dealing with a giant group of cunts. Yes. A school of cunts. Yes. Swimming through your pond.

Yeah, exactly. Why didn't the club do something about that? That's the only part. I take responsibility. about that that's that's the only part i i take responsibility i i'm not i try to make it clear on that on that episode that like i take responsibility for yelling at a guy for insulting people like i'm saying i put it on myself that i made things go downhill the club takes responsibility for kind of not really policing and And the one part is I told a guy that he had to go. I was like, you have to go.

You're gone. See you later. And, you know, I've done that before. Sometimes you have to do that. Right. You're out of here, man. Right. And then they were like, the club came and talked.

And they were like, just give him another chance. He's going to be good now. And I was like, I've already thrown him out. Like, there's no, we're not negotiating now. Right. So the club asked to keep the guy there? Yes. Why did they do that?

I don't know. But they now realize that that was fucked up. Like, I've talked to them, and they're like, that was our plan. Some people you can give a second chance. Most likely, most of the time, I've asked clubs to leave people alone. Like, oh, they're okay. They're okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're just, don't do that again. And they'll say that. I'm like, you can't yell shit out. It's too confusing. I've done that a bunch of times. Like, he's okay. Right. But this time, the difference was this time I was saying get him out.

What was he saying to you while this was going on? He was the fucking, he was the mumbler, the tagger. Right. And, like, so we had our first interaction. We had another interaction. I think the third time I said something to him. I was like, what the fuck did you say? I forget exactly what he said.

And then I was like, oh, you're a tough guy? He's like, do you want to step outside and find out? And I was like, you can go outside because you're out of here. You're done. Get out of my fucking show. It's my show. You're out of here you're done get out of my fucking show it's my show you're out of here and they were like

what and his table he goes we all go I go great have a great night get the fuck out of here I don't need you here

that's when the crowd the problem we felt like we were discussing what happened I was talking about it with the club

the guy is that a lot of people in that room didn't know what he was saying. Right. So they thought I was just attacking a guy for no reason. Right. That makes sense. But I still, I take, I was an asshole that night.

But that's, you know, the guy was clearly, he was instigating it. Yeah, he was a fucking cunt. He was a real cunt of a guy. And I didn't like him at all. And, you know, I don't think that, like, like, I always say, I don't have to be, like, pleasing to the different, like, you know, I'm there doing comedy.

You came to see my stand-up. If you're not liking it, that's cool. But if you try to take over the room, no. Well, it's not just taking over the room. It's interfering. Yeah, it's interfering. It's interfering with the performance, and there's hundreds of other people

that have to deal with the fact that you have to deal with this guy. Yeah, yeah. It's all in how to do it and not lose your cool. And when you lose your cool, yeah, it's a fucking bad scene. It's a terrible feeling, too. It's crazy, and the audio is insane.

I mean, you've probably not heard a lot of it. A bombing like that? Yeah, it's a different, it's not like a standard bombing. I mean, there's a lot of aggression from the crowd on it. And how does it end? Well, the best part, because I also was bummed at myself. I was like, you know, you always look at moments where you're like, I wish I had said something funnier here.

Right. This was an opportunity to be funny, really, you know? So I was like, a lot of it, I was like, I was like, you know, I really, they won. Like, they defeated me. I was like, but the only funny thing I'd said was like, at one point, the manager came up to the stage and he was like, are you okay? Like, he was checking, he came on stage and was like, because it was so crazy in there. He's like, you all right? I was like, yeah. He's like, do you want to keep going? I was like are you okay like he was checking he came on stage and was like because it was so crazy in there he's like you all right i was like yeah he's like do you want to keep going i was like yeah and he's like okay so he leaves and they're like yeah that's right get the because they think he's telling me get off stage right and i go i go he asked me if you guys wanted

me to bring back the other guy and they go yeah like they scream yes and i go asked me if you guys wanted me to bring back the other guy. And they go, yeah. They scream yes. And I go, I told him you guys want more of me. So here I am for more jokes. And they're like, boo. They go crazy. So they go so crazy at that part.

These are Canadians, too. Yeah, they go fucking nuts. Some of the nicest people ever. But in the very end, the lady who was running one of the private events that night, she brought her group there. She was in tears. She was crying. And they brought her on stage. They were like, she wants to say something.

And I was like, okay. Because my plan was just stay here the entire time, no matter what. Talk about recipes that you want to try. And just don't please them. She gets up there and she's like, please. No matter what, talk about recipes that you want to try. And just don't please them. Right. She gets up there and she's like, please. You know, I've done fundraisers here. Like, I really wanted this to be a good night.

And I see, like, how, like, she's way affected by this. Please give him the respect of, like, just your time and, like, just let him talk. And they're like, it's too fucking late for that. Fuck it. Like, they're going crazy. Oh, wow. her like just like she's defeated it's like someone was beating her up right you know and i was like oh my god and i go you know what this is 35 minutes in right to what's supposed to be like a 50 55 minute set so there's 20 minutes to go i was like you know what um i don't i want her to have a fun night she like she like it affected me right she was so i was like i'll tell you what

because you're a nice lady and blah blah i go i'll bring back the black guy so i brought the black guy back on stage and they went fucking it was like i said ladies and gentlemen chris yeah they went crazy wow i was like dude it's all you he was like oh said, ladies and gentlemen, Dave Chappelle. They went crazy. Wow. I was like, dude, it's all you. He was like, oh my God, I can't believe people actually like black people here. He was so excited. Does he have any more material?

Yeah. Yeah. He had me. I should give him credit, too. His name is Trix. That's his whole name? Yes. Like Silly Rabbit?

Trix are for kids. Yeah. Wow. Trix. Trix. Black guys can pull that officks are for kids. Yeah. Wow. But I mean, like, you know, he goes. Black guys can pull that off. They can pull shit like that off. It's T-R-I double X, I think. So that's on what episode of Your Mom's House?

172. All right. It's a fun episode to listen to. Good for you, dude, for putting that audio up. It takes balls. Yeah, I wanted to, man. There's tricks. Yeah, there's tricks.

He did a good job, man. I totally give him credit. Cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's an interesting story. I'm going to listen to that podcast. I got to get out of here. Yeah, yeah. I got shit I got to do. Let's tricks. He did a good job, man. I totally give him credit. Cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's an interesting story. I'm going to listen to that podcast. I got to get out of here. Yeah, yeah.

I got shit I got to do. Let's roll. What's next for Tommy Bunz? What is next? When are we going to work together again, man? We got to do some gigs. Yeah, we're definitely going to do, we're going to do something, right? What are we doing?

We're doing New York City? In January. Yes. We're doing New York. We're doing the Grand Ballroom or something like that in Manhattan. The Manhattan Center. Yes. And then, oh, December 27th through New Year's, Christina and I are at, we're doing New Year's at the DC Improv.

Oh, beautiful. Great club. Yeah, we'll be there. Love that place. Washington, D.C. Cold as shit, though, son. You're going to be in Maryland. It'll be cold.

D.C. You're going to be down there when it's freezing. It's going to, I'm going to freeze my dick off. Oh, that's fucking cold. Yeah.C. Yeah. You're going to be down there when it's freezing. It's going to, I'm going to freeze my dick off. Oh, that's fucking cold. Yeah, yeah. Very cold. That's fun. I have like 20 new dates to add to my calendar, so those will be up for 2014.

Beautiful. So we're going to do that together. And what else are we doing? Are we doing something else? Yes. What? Phoenix, January 10th and 11th. Oh, that's right.

Yes. Oh, good googly moogly. Yeah. So that's two in a day. Phoenix. We're doing Stand Up Live at Phoenix, January 10th and 11th. Oh, that's right. Yes. Oh, good googly moogly. Yeah. Phoenix, we're doing stand-up live at Phoenix, January 10th and 11th. Yeah, that's right. Awesome. Tony Hinchcliffe's doing that, too.

Oh, no shit? No, no, it's just the weekend. Just comedy. Friday and Saturday night. Have lots of fun. All right, thanks, everybody, for tuning in. Thanks to 1-800-Flowers for sponsoring it for the first time. We hope you didn't get offended at our use of bad language in our descriptions

of your fucking awesome flowers. Guys, buy flowers. What's wrong with you? 1-800-Flowers.com. Enter in the code word JRE and get yourself a Fields of Europe Christmas arrangement and receive 10 bucks off.

That's offer code JRE when you click on the little microphone in the right-hand corner. Thanks also to Ting. Go to rogan.ting.com and get yourself $25 off your first Ting device when you sign up. Thanks also to onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN.

Save 10% off any and all supplements. We'll be back next week. off any and all supplements. We'll be back next week. Shane Smith and Eddie Wong, both together on one show at the same time. Shit is going to be crazy. And Lee Camp will be here next week as well.

He'll also be Wednesday night. Lee Camp will be with us at the Ice House with Tony Hinchcliffe and Ian Edwards and other people. Lots more. We'll see. Tommy Bunz. One thing? Yes.

Our good friend, the full charge? Matt Fultron will be there, too. He has a new album out. That's right. He'll be here soon, too. If not next week, the week after that. What's it called? Matt Fultron's?

It's called This is the Part of the Job I Hate, I think. I think that's what it's called. It's on iTunes. All right. Tommy Bunz Ladies and gentlemen Tom Segura On Twitter

Follow him And learn And grow In love and harmony Alright we'll see you guys soon Thank you Bye Thank you.