The Joe Rogan Experience - #431 - Matt Fulchiron (Part 1)

Episode Date: December 19, 2013

Matt Fulchiron is a stand-up comedian and also hosts his own podcast called "The Full Charge Power Hour" available on Spotify.

the Joe Rogan podcast check it out the Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day the full charge

the full charge by the way I have spoken to the actual Nick Diaz himself the man in that you know train by day video

yeah and he's gonna do the podcast nice allegedly Nick he's a he's a free spirit

he might change his mind right right right like your free your free spirit uh duncan trussell buddy yeah well no well duncan had a very legitimate uh reason a hundred percent legitimate reason that he couldn't podcast today that's all good raining and mini no no no no it's a hundred percent legitimate but it's a personal reason and uh well he'll be on Tuesday. People used to mistake us for one another back in the day. Well, that's weird. Back in the late 90s. Because I never have.

You know. What is it? The glasses? I think it was the nose, and we both got big teeth. When I saw him, I'm like, that's my brother from another mother. Really? I mean, you get older, you start to look different. It's not the same thing anymore.

But when I met him, when we were both younger, and someone has called me a Duncan Trussell-looking motherfucker before. That's a quote. Was this the guy that knew you were a comic? Yeah, this was Fat James. I don't know if you knew Fat James. Of course I knew Fat James. I was very sad when he passed.

I miss that guy. He was a sweetheart. Fat James from the comic store. He called himself Fat James, folks. Sure, let's not. He would put his hand out and say, Fat James. Hi, Fat James. Yeah.

Pleased to meet you. Yeah, he would literally call himself Fat James. He was a fun guy to be around. That was his hook. He was great. I'm fat. Fat James' story was he came home one night. He was fit.

I guess he was in the military, right? Wasn't he in the military? I didn't know him that well. Oh, wasn't he in the military? Do you know, Brian? I don't remember that part. He was either a cop or he was in the military, right? Wasn't he in the military? I didn't know him that well. Oh. Wasn't he in the military? Do you know Brian? I don't remember that part. He was either a cop or he was in the military. One of those.

Anyway, he was fit. Uh-huh. He was like a healthy guy. He came home and caught his wife fucking his best friend. Okay. And just went off the deep end. Just started eating. Huh.

Yeah. That was his story. Being beautiful didn't work for him. I mean, you know, his wife cheated on him. Well, I don't know if it was ever beautiful. I don't know how beautiful. Dude. What his potential for beauty is.

Yeah. He was a good guy, though, man. He was a really good guy. He was a fun guy. Always around the store. What did he do back there? He worked for the store for a while, right? He worked the door for a while.

He had that East Coast flavor. I'll tell you what, dude. He was fucking funny on stage, too. Yeah. I saw Fat James have what, dude. He was fucking funny on stage, too. Yeah. I saw Fat James have some funny sets. He was ridiculous. Did a couple stints on Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Did he?

Absolutely, dude. He started to get some acting work after a while. Is this him trying to get on this bull? They're trying to put him up on a mechanical bull. Oh, my God. Great hair. He's so big. Oh my god. Great hair. He's so big. One flip and he's down.

Remember him taking a shower. Woah! He plopped his... His... Oh god. Oh that's so hilarious. Ow. Oh this is so funny.

Is that Jimmy and Joey? Yeah. Wow. All right. Take it. I'm getting nostalgic, man. You know, I've actually been Jimmy in the Jimmy and Joey phenomenon just once. Just on a whim.

The Jimmy and Joey what? For those that don't know, Jimmy and Joey is like a double Andrew Dice Clay. What is this? Do you know what it is? Like the Sklar Brothers version of Andrew Dice Clay? Yeah, but it's like. You remember Jimmy and Joey, don't you, Joe? Yes.

It goes back and forth. It's like, how come Italians don't like Jehovah's Witnesses? I don't know. Why don't they like Jehovah's Witnesses? Italians don't like any witnesses. They just go back and

forth with the setup and then they hit the punchline. I remember those guys. So there was always different Jimmys. Fat James did. And at one point

I was a Jimmy. Fat James was a Jimmy. Oh I get what you're saying. So you played a character in this show. So it was a show. I just did it once.

Oh, that's funny. So they have fake names. Well, yeah, there's a fake. Well, the original Jimmy was really named Jimmy. That's a fascinating subject because I know that guys have sold their acts to other people. Remember that guy who had Defending the Caveman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Broadway thing?

Yeah. What was that guy's name i don't know his name hold on a second because he was a stand-up and really a fascinating story because uh he made a ton of money yes he did i'm sure he did um he was a stand-up and he put together like he put his stand-up together in the form of a one-man show, and it became very popular. Rob Becker is his name. But then he started selling it to people that they could do it, like actors. So they could all do it all at once all over the country.

Yeah, Michael Chiklis did it. No kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No kidding. I'm almost positive. Hold on. Let me pull this up. Otherwise, he'll sue me. Because they're definitely doing that show in Vegas every time I'm there.

By the way, Michael Chiklis, if you're reading, I'm a huge fan. He's the shield, right? Yeah. I love that guy. The commish? Yeah. I'm not goofing on you, man. Did one episode of Seinfeld?

Are we talking about the same guy? Yeah. Michael Chiklis. He was also the thing in the Fantastic Four. Right. Right. Right. Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, yeah. He did. Yeah. He did his Broadway debut In the one man show Defending the caveman So I was correct Nice

Good We don't even need the internet Well it's I just sort of I remember it Because I was like Wow that's weird But I guess

I guess it makes sense But you know To a comic It's weird Like you know Like you're gonna buy an act Like all of a sudden Like

Like You for instance Right Let's say when you What year did you start out 98 98 What if instead of an act like all of a sudden like like for you for instance let's say when you for what year to start out uh 98 98 what if instead of you doing your act what if david tell just sold you right is his act oh i would love it and you would go on stage and you would do like say like a classic album skanks for the memories which is my favorite david tell if you went on stage and just

and just did it as david tell yeah and it would be that would be called the Skanks for the Memories, which is my favorite David Tell. If you went on stage and just did it as David Tell, and that would be called the Skanks for the Memory show, and you would hire an actor to do it. That's weird. It's really weird? And God damn it, I wish that was available. Don't you think though that there are two totally different things is why it's weird. And when you turn stand-up into a one-man show, then you can get away with anything because it's a clearly defined one-man show, and it's this defending the caveman one-man show. Absolutely.

But, you know, as a comic, you can never do that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can't do it because every year you have to have a new act. Right. So what's going on is that this guy figured out a way to take stand-up, but transport it into a safe zone. Right. And then just drop it off where it exists in perpetuity. Right.

No more rules. And now this act can be done at the same time in all 50 states. And in a way, you get all the money from it. So you don't have to tour as much. You stay in Vegas and do it. Right. While all your minions do it around the country.

That is fucking weird. What if you started making the full charge show? Yeah. And you were showing the full charge show. You would show it in Los Angeles and select markets.

Yeah. And then you would give people licenses to do it in Atlanta. First of all, all my minions would have to be called the half charge. The half charge. What do you do for a to be called the half charge. The half charge. What do you do for a living?

I'm a half charge. Oh, really? So you do the full charges jokes? Do you write your own jokes? I have a lot of my own stuff, but mostly today people want to hear the full charge,

so that's what I do for now. It's just, you know, it's not my dream. I'm basically a cover band. Yeah, this pays the bills, and then I do my own stuff at open mics around Atlantic City.

But it is fascinating that in our art form, the pretentious title that you give to stand-up comedy that we all give, you're not allowed to do that. But in almost every other kind of music, people do that. Movies, music. Music, any other kind of entertainment, rather. Like Tarantino straight up copies other movies, and it's known as an homage. Right, right. But with stand-up, it's very sacred to us.

I think it's just because you don't get paid as much. That's probably exactly what it is. Where's my piece, bitch? We got our rules. Oh, we certainly do. Because it's not documented when we do our stuff, not necessarily. Right. You not only have to have rules for other people, you have to have rules for yourself, too.

Everybody has to keep everybody honest. Yeah. Because the idea of creativity and the idea of originality and unique thoughts and the origin of thoughts, it's pretty important to us because it's all we have. Right. thoughts it's pretty important to us because it's all we have right all a comic has essentially is what he's created in his own mind and then put to paper or you know keyboard and then transfers to the stage that's all you have right as a comic that's all you have you can jazz it up and dance with it and do all kinds of shit but if you don't have the raw material yeah you don't have anything exactly that's why for us that that honesty process is super important i also think it's

one of the cool things about what we do that we have so many comic friends that we're constantly interacting with on a regular basis right it's always joey and ari and duncan and you and segura and fucking kreischer and all super cool super, super above board people. Right. And so, you know. That don't even want to do something that's similar to somebody else's. Have no desire and drop shit in a heartbeat when you find out that it's too close to something else. Right, exactly.

Just go, oh, fuck it. It's over. The last you want to hear is someone's comparing you to someone else. Also, you get to hang with and joke around with the funniest dudes on the planet yeah because we all trust each other to just fuck around like we all trust each like like ari was i forget what the subject was we were joking around about something the other day and i'm like dude you gotta do that on stage and we started like working on how he would do it on stage like what do you think like this or like that and when you do that like there's that camaraderie you do that for each other like you both have an idea or one of you has an idea and

the other one tries to enhance it and and help each other that boosts us all yeah it boosts us all like i'll get off stage segura will have a tagline for me yeah after you said that like maybe that you're like oh it's so much easier to write for someone else sometimes because like there's no pressure on what you wrote yeah and you just get to sit back watch the other person do it then something pops into your head and you can just give it like you don't i mean it's just all inspiration have you ever tried to write for someone specifically though for for their stand sat down and tried to write for someone no yeah me neither i know a lot of guys have done that though like i know um uh there was a lot of guys that were helping chris chris rock when he was uh putting together one of his hbo specials and uh i think apollo might have been one of them i believe boss louis ck definitely wrote for chris rock yeah i think because also

chris was doing so many different things at the same time and probably doing movies and shit. And I think he just liked to have all those minds to help him go over his stuff. Which is, that's a ballsy move, you know, have all these bad motherfuckers write cool jokes for you. I know. And also work with you creating the jokes. So you get like the opinions of all these expert comedians. I mean, that's a real ballsy move because a lot of comedians don't want to be judged on their performances. Right.

But when you're bringing in guys like Louis C.K. to write for you, I mean, you're going to get the real deal. You're going to get, I mean, it's going to be the most honest assessment ever of the material. Right. And like a bunch of masterminds

like gearing together and putting together this perfect masterpiece of comedy. Do you personally think that's good, though? I think that's weird. It's good for the project! No, it's not what I do, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think, well, Chris Rock is one of the greatest comedians of all time, and if that's how he did it, he did it brilliantly. And it's right

there in the credits. Oh, 100%. Written by such and such such and such. I know Eddie Murphy did it on Raw. Like, Keenan Ivory Wayans wrote on Raw. Absolutely nothing wrong Keenan Ivory Wayans wrote on Raw. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with it. What it's, you know, especially because of the way they did it, which is so above board.

They let everybody know they were doing it. Right. It's not, no one, no one hid that. And not only that, it's like, what's wrong with bringing in writers? There's nothing wrong with it. It's not unethical. It's not uncreative. Just because you're creating with other people doesn't mean you you're not still creative it'd actually be very inspiring yes

you know and uh and it could get rid of a lot of doubt yeah as far as like they're like this is what you're doing that's good this is you can use this blah blah blah it's exciting dude plagiarism is the problem it's not cooperation right cooperation and paid cooperation which is essentially what writing is right writing for a comic is great it sounds like a great idea i don't do it that way but i would i think it's really comedy is just really personal for me so it's like when you're involving somebody else's idea of what they think you should sound like to me that's just gross well you got you gotta imagine chris rock went up at the cellar, did what he had,

and then the other guys contributed. That's what I'm imagining. I'm very sure of that. And then spiced things up, or added, or had an idea. Maybe Chris could run it out. It's not like he was getting all of his jokes from these guys. He was getting little juice. Little here and there. Little spark. And you're getting it from hungry guys

who are really good. They're out there. He's not like, hey, Louis C.K., let's talk about your divorce in my eyes i hear what you're saying too though what i agree with you in a lot of ways is that like it's very personal but even though it's very personal like sometimes another eye on what you're doing they'll open you up to like oh like oh i didn't even think of that and then like why oh why was i doing it that way because if i didn't if i didn't say that, it would open up the whole back end of it. Like, there's a lot of times some things that your friends can see that you don't see. I know a lot of comics that actually have writers.

And that, to me, always felt really weird. Because it seems like they're just actors now. Or they're just boyfriends. Yeah. They have a boyfriend. They call him a writer. Right. What if a white guy came up

with those black peoples and those niggas? Hey Chris, I got this idea. What if you started doing it? If you started doing bigger and blacker. A white guy starts doing the bigger and blacker tour and just redoes all the... Well, there was a guy doing that for Hicks, man. What?

Which I thought was really weird. Yeah, there was a guy that was doing Hicks as a one-man show. Dennis Leary? Try to pull that up. How dare you? No, the guy was doing Bill Hicks as a one-man show. God, impersonating Bill Hicks as a one-man show? Let me Google this.

That's weird, because Bill Hicks still isn't famous. Oh, I think he's pretty famous. Is Leary still around? Is he on a show or something? I don't know. I know they wanted Craig Gass to do a Kinnison Vegas thing. Well, he does an incredible Kinnison impression. I can't find it here anywhere.

But there was a guy, I'm very positive that there was a guy who was trying to put together a one-man show, and he was just going to do Bill Hicks. Like a Mark Twain sort of a thing. Sure. You could go up and do Mark Twain today, because Mark Twain's been dead for a long fucking time. Right, so people are happy to see it. No one's going to know what he really was like.

They'll be like, bitch, that is not how Mark Twain talks. This is terrible. This is fucking terrible. Put the pipe down. You're holding the pipe at the left. He held with the right. Ugh. God.

But a guy like Hicks, like, you know, I saw him in the flesh. He didn't die that long ago. When did you see him and where did you see him? I saw him a couple times. I saw him at least three, possibly four occasions, meaning I saw him for an entire weekend. Okay. And it was all when he was visiting Boston.

All right. Because he was a big touring pro coming off of the Roddy Dangerfield special, and he was just starting to catch heat right as I got into comedy. So I was lucky enough to be at a point where the clubs would let me come by. I was an open mic-er, but the clubs would let me in on a Friday night, and I could watch guys.

There's no way I was working with them. I was terrible. But they would let me come in and watch them. The comedy connection, the way they ran it in Knicks and all those places in Boston, it was so cool because they had great comics would come come in every weekend you'd have guys that would come in like Dom Herrera I saw him there right they would they would all come like and have like a big-name headliner but they also had this like insane community of really great comedy around there as well right and the way they did

it is because they super supported open micers super supported the new talent they knew that new talent is what becomes headliners one day right and you have to nurture it and they were like big about that so when a guy like hicks was in town they would tell me like you got to see hicks and paul barkley told me he was like you got to see this guy he's fucking tremendous i go that's the guy from the hbo special right and he's like yeah but you got to see him like right he's just he's on another level and then i remember seeing him for the first time and going, whoa. Like, guys say they don't give a fuck. But they give a fuck.

Everybody gives a fuck, man. I always give a fuck. I do. I give a fuck right now. I give a fuck when I'm stumbling through a Squarespace commercial and I can't get my fat tongue to work right. I give a fuck at the supermarket. I don't want to look dumb. Bill Hicks did not give a fuck, man.

Really? I'm telling you, I saw the first guy in my life that didn life that honestly didn't give a fuck on stage when I saw him. Because the first time I saw him, well, I saw him twice in the same time period. He was at the Comedy Connection, and then he came to Nick's shortly thereafter. And I got to see him in both places. The Comedy Connection was pretty fucking fascinating. see him in both places um the comedy connection was was pretty fucking fascinating but when he came to nicks he went on after a guy that was doing like impressions of different different cartoon animal smoking pot he had like literally had cop donut jokes um i mean he was yeah the guy

who we went on before was a funny guy um he but he was it wasn't the same style of comedy by any stretch of the imagination. Right. It was a terrible setup for Bill Hicks because it was all like really dopey, you know. Right. Bass, shitty comedy, right? All right. Hicks goes on after him and just eats fat piles of shit.

Just giant plates and plates of shit. And it's, by the end of the show, there's maybe 300 people in this place, maybe, let's say 250. There's maybe 50 left at the end of the show. He's walked the entire crowd except for 50 people and me, Greg Fitzsimmons,

and like three or four other local Boston comics that I can't remember their name. Right. And we were fucking crying. Right. He didn't give a fuck. He was doing his bits

as if he was killing and they were all dying. Right. Everything was dying. Right. He didn't give a fuck. He was doing his bits as if he was killing and they were all dying Right, everything was dying Right the crowd just did not bite except for this small core people that were in the back that were howling and the comics Now I just worked with somebody recently in Indianapolis who's been around for a long time And he said Bill Hicks had a lot more dick jokes than you think. Oh, yeah a long time and he said bill hicks had a lot more dick jokes than you think oh yeah well he used to joke around about it right you know it's spice up you know any other topic just throw dick jokes in between them to keep people interested right he would joke around about you know having to do

that don't worry joke but folks dick jokes are coming i've heard that big fat yeah yeah i've heard that i mean he he was a fascinating comic to me because he represents. I've had arguments with Ari about him because Ari doesn't think he was funny. Ari's a funny guy, but he's honest about it. Sure. He tells me. He goes, it's not funny. He makes really good points, but he's not funny.

Right. I disagree. I always laugh at him. I laughed at him when I saw him in 88. I laugh at it now. But what I think he represents is the first guy that started looking at what you talk about

on stage completely differently. He started as a young man on acid. That whole bit about, what about a positive drug trip? It was like really powerful non-bullshit talk. Right. It was in a way, it was like, when he was doing, like, certain bits,

he wasn't just doing a bit. He was doing a bit that plants a seed and gets you thinking about a subject differently because he's mocked it so well that whenever you try to seriously bring up the war on drugs after you've heard Bill Hicks talk about it, you seem like an asshole. Right. Right, right, right. He just had a – it was a fascinating way of mixing ideas i think a different era because of the uh because

of youtube and because of the the videos and the audio that's available the the lenny bruce stuff if you try to go back and listen to it now it doesn't really hold up anymore right it's right it's weird so you can tell why it was groundbreaking at the time but now it's just like huh yeah it's very like beat poet, very like rambling. Hicks was on a totally different level. And Hicks did in the 80s too. And, you know, like there wasn't really a need for that. Yeah.

Well, it was the Reagan administration and the Bush one administration. People were getting by on who squeezes the bottom of the toothpaste, you know. And no disrespect to Seinfeld. I can't believe. Where is that song? What's the deal? I can't believe. Whenever I think about Bill Hicks,

I just can't believe he was dead and gone at 32. That blows my mind. And when you're talking about that acid joke, that's on tape on Dangerous when he was 27.

It's a brilliant joke. That's insane. Yeah. I mean. That is insane. I don't want to show you tape of me when I was 27. Well, you don't want to see tape of him when he was like 17 because he was 27. That's a brilliant joke. That's insane. Yeah. I mean... Yeah, that is insane. I don't want to show you tape of me when I was 27. Well, you don't want to see

tape of him when he was like 17 because he was funny when he was 17. I know. He was going up at the fucking Houston Annex when he was 17 and was good.

I know. And he was... Was clean and... I mean, clean as far as like his delivery was clean. It was really good stuff. It wasn't the embarrassing shit that would represent you or I.

No, he would get lost in, just based on the documentary that just came out I saw a couple years ago, he would get lost in characters of his family and he was just crazy funny. Wow.

And he was just as good as the guys that were twice his age. Fucking pancreatic cancer. Ah! Crazy, crazy fucking disease. That's a bad one too, allegedly. How do you get that?

Well, a lot of it is cigarettes. A lot of people believe that there's a correlation between cigarettes. Pancreas is a thing you can remove, right? It does nothing? No. It does nothing. Brian's like, my body has extra parts, right? Can I just take it out and I'll be lighter?

Brian's education is based on operation, the board game. Appendix, right? You can take out your tonsils and your appendix, I think. Yes, you can take out your appendix. You can definitely take out your appendix. What causes pancreatic cancer? Aside from advanced age, smoking is the main risk factor. Oh, great.

A smoker is three to four times more likely than a non-smoker to acquire pancreatic cancer. Where's your pancreas at? Who knows? It's inside that body thing, cage. Like in the main part. Oh, in the main part. Like a bulletproof vest will cover it.

Under the flip cage. What the fuck, man? Cigarettes are so scary. It's in your arm. And Hicks smoked a lot of cigarettes and did jokes about smoking cigarettes. He argued for cigarettes. And pancreatic cancer got him.

Motherfuckers. Well, so many really talented artists have smoked cigarettes. It's weird. It's sad. It's sad in a lot of ways. Because it's like, when I see a cigarette smoker, I don't see a person exercising their freedom. I know that's what they're doing. If they want to smoke, they should be able to smoke, for sure.

But that's not what I see. I see a person who's enslaved. Yes. That's what I see. I see enslavement to a habit and also to a drug at the same time. It's just another addiction. It's just another thing to do. But it kills you. It kills a lot of people. And it doesn't get you high. But it's also a weird thing that you would get addicted to taking something, lighting it on fire fire and then putting it up to your mouth and then breathing it in like that just the ritual of doing that can become so ingrained in your life that it represents something like after sex like people some people like to smoke a cigarette after sex right that's like a classic movie scene right where people have sex and then they smoke a cigarette you but if you really, like, what are you watching there?

You're watching someone poisoning themselves. Yeah. Like, that's a weird thing to find romantic. That's a weird thing they snuck in on us and how it becomes habit. Study finds no link between secondhand smoke and cancer. Funded by the tobacco lobbyists of America. In Florida. It's in Florida.

If you have a case that goes through in Florida, it might as well go through on the moon. Right. They're not Americans. I'm tired of people saying that Florida's America. Just stop. We need to cut it out. My parents live in Florida.

Don't get me wrong. I love Florida, but that shit is not America. That is some crazy spot where you can't. Any studies that come out of there, who knows what kind of coke they were on when they made that study. You can't even trust them to vote, right? I mean, that's all fucked up. That's interesting. Nicotine and e-cigs tobacco linked to heart disease.

Well, nicotine speeds up your heart rate, doesn't it? It makes it work harder than it has to. Well, I've heard of nicotine being given as a supplement before, which is really bizarre, or as medicine before. I think it was for a heart issue. It's just like anything else.

In small doses every once in a while, ain't that bad. But a pack a day delivered through fucking cancerous smoke, it ain't so hot. Yeah, well, a lot of stuff is like that, man. We were talking yesterday with Shane Smith from Vice about that Colombian devil's breath. It's called scolopamine or something like that. It's a dangerous drug, right. It's the most dangerous drug, right?

Yeah, the most dangerous drug. It's the same shit that's in those little seasickness tabs that they put on you. You know those things that you get? They stick on you, and the seasickness is supposed to be mitigated by this. That's the same shit as the Colombian devil's breath stuff. But it's just like way more of it? It's just like way more? Yeah, that patch is like barely giving you a hit.

They're giving you a taste, just a taste. How do you take this dangerous stuff? Do you smoke it? Do more of it? It's just like way more? Yeah, that patch is like barely giving you a hit. They're giving you a taste. Just a taste. How do you take this dangerous stuff? Do you smoke it? Do you swallow it? Do you shoot it? What do you do? I think they can blow it in your face and you like just have it in your face and you breathe, just breathing it in, like having it blown in your mouth and your nose. You got it. Okay. You're done. Okay. And then you

become like literally like a little zombie. They tell you what to do. They can tell you, go to your bank account, take out money from me and people do it. And then you become like, literally like a little zombie. They tell you what to do. They can tell you, go to your bank account, take out money from me. And people do. And like, they have video of people doing this. Wow. Wow, indeed. And it's the same fucking thing that you can get from these patches, these dermal patches

for seasickness. And then people go, don't be seasick. Yeah. You're not seasick. Concentrate on the horizon. Don't take anything else. Give me $500. Just deal with itick. Concentrate on the horizon. Don't take anything else. Give me $500. Just deal with it.

Just don't take those fucking things. Don't take Dramamine. I took Dramamine. Oh, my God. I went into a dark, dark coma. What is Dramamine? I don't know Dramamine. It's for pussies like me that get on a boat and start getting sick.

Ah. They give you Dramamine. Right, right, right. Apparently, it alleviates nausea. Oh. But for me, it. Apparently it alleviates nausea. Oh. But for me, it was like a tranquilizer dart. It alleviated everything else too, including your sight and your hearing. I couldn't even, seriously, my body was like this.

It was me and my buddy Jimmy, and luckily he didn't take the Dramamine. Yeah. And we were at the diner on the way home, and I was just sitting in front of him, nodding out like a heroin addict. He's like, you alright over there? You know, he might have actually taken a Dramamine too. He was a lot bigger than me though. Jimmy was like 200 plus pounds and I was probably, at the time, I was

competing, so I was probably about 155 pounds and I took this one Dramamine or two Dramamines, I don't know how many they gave me, but I was gone, son. I didn't catch any food. I woke up to pee the next day. Really? Did you enjoy it?

Gone. Did you enjoy it? No, it was terrible. I took too much, probably. I probably tried to take as much as he was taking. Right. I don't know. I'm an asshole.

If you take two, I'll take two, too. Right. Guys doing guy stuff. Especially that. I mean, we were both teenagers. Right. But it fucking knocked my dick right into the dirt. Is that a prescription drug?

I think so. It might be an over-the-counter. I don't know. I mean, the laws might have changed since this is a long-ass time ago. Who knows? Their formula might have changed too. Right. But apparently, I'm too much of a pussy to even take a Dramamine.

I don't fuck with drama mean people take drama mean all the time it doesn't do anything to them not me i'm literally we're eating and i'm sitting like this while we're eating i couldn't even sit straight it felt so pathetic there's something pathetic when you've fallen asleep and someone asks you are you falling asleep like no right like why am i afraid to admit that I'm falling asleep? When people call me, I always like,

hey man, what's up? Are you sleeping? I'm sorry. You always lie about that. There's something feminine about sleeping. Yes. I'm a man. I'm a man. I don't sleep. That's exactly what it is. For weak bitch men like ourselves, for weak bitch men like ourselves, we don't want to admit that we sleep. I'm fixing my engine right now.

I'm a man. Listen, bro. I'm up at 6 o'clock every morning doing sit-ups. I like to do crunches. I work my obliques. I don't sleep. I don't need much sleep. It's like if a guy's really trying to be intimidating, he says he doesn't need much sleep.

I go about four hours sleep a night, and I got shit to do. I'm good. I'm good. Four hours. I'm good. Coming over to the house at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, motherfucker's asleep on the couch with his dick in his hand. Watching Days of Our Lives. With an open laptop nearby, drooling on himself.

What the fuck up, bitch? Thought you had shit to do. You need to sleep. Everybody needs sleep. How dare you? Sleep is the best. I think you can get by on, like, if you really want to have, like, a low-level mindset, you can get by on, like if you really want to have like a low level mindset, you can get by on like four hours

sleep for a couple days in a row. But after that, let's be honest, like you're not functioning very well. You're imbalanced. You get four hours sleep a night? Yeah, and you start to have weird thoughts. Your brain doesn't work properly. It needs its rest. Maybe you, bro, not me. Four hours, I'm good. You know, my REM cycles

are just very deep. They go deep right away. I'm good. You know, my REM cycles are just very deep. They go deep right away. I'm confident in myself. So I go to sleep very quickly. I'm not worried about predators. I go out and I get all my work done. My sleep work, I get it done in four hours. My body is unusual. It's very Wolverine-like. If I get a scratch, people can't believe the next day how quick it's healed. It's just me, bro. It's just not normal. Not normal. This is the Jimmy and Joey sketch you're doing.

This is the super alpha four hours a day sleep guy. That's my new character. 2013, I slept 16 hours. I don't give a fuck. You know, I got a lot done. I have a new web series I'm working on right now. I'm very happy with. Built a shelf.

You know, we had to fire the producer. This fucking asshole doesn't see my vision. This guy sleeps six hours a day, lazy piece of shit. This fucking pussy. We wrap up at midnight. I'll see you guys at five. He's like, no, we need to turn around. Fucking turn around.

I'm here to work. That's what production people are like. I've heard you rag on that before. It's insanity. They're savages. Yeah. They push people to work ungodly hours and it's like standard in hollywood 14 hours is like regular total especially if you're working on a single camera drama show yeah like those like csi shows

and the other like those i don't know i want to say that one in particular but a lot of those single camera like cop shows those fucking people are working 16 hours a day six days a week and the fucking season is forever it takes forever to get 27 episodes of a cop show done just so they can be like i work in the movies it's crazy it's for folks that work on on sets it's like um there was a show that i did this hunting show that i do when you want to talk about people that work hard there's a show show, Meat Eater, and the dude who hosted it, his name's Steve Rinella, and he's got these guys that work for him. Specifically, he's got

Dan Doty and Moe, who's the director, and these fucking guys are working 16 hours a day on the top of a mountain somewhere. Jesus Christ. Freezing their asses off in a fucking tent, and this is what they do every week. Every week, they're flying to fucking Mexico to hunt a buffalo, or flying to the alps to go kill some crazy sheep or something like that right

they got to kill animals and eat them yeah on top of all these hours well they don't have to do that they don't sometimes like sometimes they don't get an animal at all really but the thing is like these guys that are working like behind the scenes like the cameramen stuff like that the guys are carrying shit like what a fucking hard gig i know i know you know to be expected to work like that like wow you gotta find some special fucking people that are willing to work like that right camping we're gonna go i don't get to stop work like there's no stop work right you're working right you you fucking work while you're there when you're not working you're sleeping you get up and everybody works again no insomnia in production life no you're not allowed to and they knock out the 40 hour work week in about two and a half days and the adderall flows like hail

it just falls from the sky and dude just pick it up and stuff it into the mouth is there a lot of that no i don't know just guessing i would i would say that if you were working on a set of a show that was working crazy hours all the time, you probably need at least a strong energy drink habit. Coffee don't cut it at that point. Coffee don't cut it. Especially if you're not working on something for you. If you're working on the Matt Fultron experience. Kaboom.

I got energy. You know what I'm saying? You have a chart and you're plotting your future takeover. You know what I'm saying? Like you have a chart and you're plotting your future takeover. You know what I'm saying? I know half charge. You just, you're figuring out

how you're going to set up these one man shows. Yeah, around the country. And keep your comedy in a time capsule and have all these people become the half charges. You're going to be fine.

Right. But if you're working on like That 70s show or something like that you know something some ridiculous show yeah some show where you don't give a fuck about the outcome this is not it's just a job and you're there all day and you're there all day and you get to see whiny actors throw hissy fits and throw fucking scripts around right to see the weirdness between the crew and the actors and oh fucking christ christ oh shit the amount of time invested put in all that i know

it's crazy because a regular person has a regular job like you know you work nine you've done five maybe you have some extra things you have to tie up before you leave the office you're out of the office by six and like that's very that's a lot of time and let's be honest there's some youtubing in there there's some office gossip in there that's all your fucking employee really deserves right your employer rather your employer doesn't deserve your 100 of your time you know what because it know what? Because it's your life. That shit's ridiculous. To have a job that sucks you dry for 16 hours a day, it's almost like, obviously I believe that people should have the free will to do whatever the fuck they want.

Right. They want to pursue that sort of a life. But if it's not something you enjoy doing, that's a really dangerous place to put your brain. Right. The fact that, okay, this is what we do. We do stuff that sucks for 16 hours a day where you hate it, and then you get to be free. Some people don't want a life or don't want their own thoughts, though. Is that what it is?

Some people like to keep themselves busy. And there's a little bit of that in stand-up comedy. It's like, I don't want to do Valentine's Day. I got to work that night, honey. Well, see, I understand what it is as far as the production budgets and getting things done. If the days take longer, it takes more

time, costs more money. And so in order to fit things under budget or in their budget, they have to work these long hours. That's just what they do. If they don't get a 12-hour turnaround, they have to pay penalties and they pay meal penalties and all these union penalties that they have to pay. But at the end of the day, it's like, why is everybody choosing to work so crazy? I don't know.

At the end of the day, I understand you save a little money this way. I get it. Is there another way? There is another way. It's called shorter hours. Woody Allen does it. Does he? Television does it a lot of times.

Oh, fuck yeah. Sitcoms do it. Yeah. By the time News Radio was in its fifth season, we only worked three days a week. Nice. Yeah. We had done two days a week. We had done one day where we got the script, and as we were going over the script, we would

block and mark where the scenes were going to take place. Yeah. So we'd rehearse it, go over it, do one run through, and then film it the next day. Did you really enjoy doing that show? I really enjoyed doing that show, but I don't think I would really enjoy doing another show. Gotcha. Unless it was like that. Right.

You know, like that was a really weird show, because that show was, I don't know how it is on most sitcoms, because the only other one I've done is Just Shoot Me. I did one episode of that. And I did one episode of Mad TV. I didn't really do much other than that. But when I was on news radio, they let us ad-lib almost every scene. That's awesome. Almost every scene, there was something that was changed,

something that was altered something that was you know That someone one of us came up with on the fly and most of the time orchestrated by Dave Foley like Dave Foley would take the script and then he was he was Sort of it was an ensemble show, but if anybody was the lead it was Dave Foley Right and it was Phil Hartman who was the big star and then you know Dave Foley was you know Kind of like I always felt like he was like a, like an uncredited producer really. Right.

And he would like orchestrate like a lot of the scenes and come up with fantastic lines for them too. He's a really fucking talented guy. And then all the guys that I think don't get appreciated enough for being fucking unbelievably hilarious. One of them is Dave Foley. He's just a sweetheart of a guy like always has been right he's been like the nicest kindest guy and Really really really fucking smart really fucking smart and really fucking funny. She's such a cool, dude

always was No, and and uh and he's doing stand-up now, too. Really? Yeah. That's not his background, right? He's more of an improv guy? Is that right? Well, he was one of the guys from Kids in the Hall. Yeah, I know that much, yeah. You watch Kids in the Hall?

Yeah, but after the fact. I watched it, like, after it was, you know, reruns. So good. Yeah. Such fucking good stuff. Yeah. So good. What was that on originally?

Canadian television? What was that on? What? Like, Kids in the Hall. Where did it originally air? That's a good question. I think it was Canadian. Yeah. I think it was Canadian TV. Yeah, and then we found out about it in America. And then those guys all came down here.

But, um, I don't remember my original point. I just got caught up in nostalgia. Production is insane. When you were asking me, that was what it was. You were asking me whether or not I enjoyed doing it. I said I enjoyed doing it, but the way it was done was so wild and crazy. Almost after every filming, everybody was getting hammered.

I had more drunken moment talks with, like, Maura Tierney and Dave Foley than any other humans in my whole life. That's awesome. We had these, like, crazy, and especially for me back then, like, oh, it was such an emotional mess. Really? Yeah, because I was, you know, my late 20s. I had just gotten into stand-up,

just gotten done fighting, just gotten into stand-up, and then moved out to LA, and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I couldn't even believe I was on TV. Two years ago, I was broke as fuck. Right. Barely getting by as a comic, and then all of a sudden I'm sitting here with Dave fucking Foley and Phil Hartman,

and we're going over the lines of the show we're on. I'm like, what? Didn't make any sense to me. Right. And so you had trouble accepting that, or it was just weird? Oh, weird. Well, it's just weird. It's so crazy.

And so we had these wild, drunken fucking parties after the shows were done. They were very punk rock dave foley like really embraced some sort of a punk ideology for the whole thing and um either the the producers like especially uh paul sims who's the guy who created it he wrote it the head writer and he would just let the funniest stuff go through like he just wanted it to be the funniest. That's awesome. So he wrote really funny shit and really creative shit, and then would let, you know, Phil Hartman ad-lib or Andy Dick ad-lib.

Andy Dick ad-libbed a lot of shit on the show. Really? Yeah, he would just take something and just run with it. Right. You know, figure out a better way to do it. Everybody was always tweaking their lines. They were always, like, trying to figure out, like, what is this?

Is it this? Or is it da-da? And you're like, oh, yeah, that one, that one. We would help each other like that. I think that's a, I don't really know, but I kind of think that's a huge faux pas in a lot of sitcoms. You respect the writers.

Is this the flubs? Yeah, a bunch of bloopers. I may, I may, I may, what may I do? Go ahead. This is unbelievable. I can't believe that I don't know this. God, he's so great. He's awesome.

Shut up, Andy. I think it'll be called Free Willy's Billy. What? I f***ed it. Free Willy's Billy? Free Billy's Willy? So hot man. Supposed to be Free Billy's Willy. God, I remember that so crazy. I remember that flub. You never heard it before.

We town, we, we what? I don't know. Oh, that's even worse. I know. That's for freaks. Yeah. It's funny.

Fun times, man. Yeah. But what he was talking about was, or what the question was, whether I would do something like that again. Like, you'd never find a show like that. They're probably never going to make one like that again. That show went under the radar.

It was like, while it was on, it was so, like, ignored that it was sort of allowed to be what it became. They fucked with it a little bit. Like, I know they brought in a couple romantic characters and they brought a woman into the office once. You know Lauren Graham, the woman from The Gilmore Girls?

Is that her name? Yeah. Lauren Graham? I think so. Is that her name? She's so hot. She's really cool. She was on news radio

for a season. Really? Yeah. So was Patrick Warburton the guy when you go to Soaring Over California? Is that it? Yeah. Lauren Graham.

Lauren Graham. She's really fucking funny and really cool. Like, you know, a lot of actresses, they're like, when you're talking to them, you're talking to their representative. Did you ever try? Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We worked together.

You were like, kissy? She's very cool, though. Very nice person. She was, like, fun to hang with. Like, she was, like, she could joke around. She was lively. They brought her in. But other than that, they didn't really fuck with it. They kind of let Paul do his thing. And that's why it was so weird. Unless you get a show like that, no. Because once you do a show like that, you realize that's like... I went from a show

before that. I did a show on Fox called Hardball. And Hardball was this really bad show about baseball. It was terrible. It was fucking terrible. And there was a mascot that was a big baseball. Yeah. And the show was awesome and got destroyed. Okay. The guys who wrote it, Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran, I believe,

they were writers from Married with Children. They were writers from The Simpsons they were really funny guys they were really good and they put together this fucking badass script and the pilot was like really well written it was really good stuff and then as soon as the show got picked up the these guys were kind of like they were uh soft-spoken like really friendly really nice guys and just kind of soft-spoken. Right. And the network didn't think that they were strong enough to run a show.

Like, they thought you needed to be strong. So they booted these guys out and brought in this super-duper hack-a-ricious dude. I mean, he was a hack-a-saurus. Right. It was terrible. Like, every terrible cliche in a scene, this guy would insert in there. His writing was just insanely bad. He was from that show Coach.

Remember Coach? I remember Coach. Yeah. Well, he had come from there somehow or another, and he had gotten on this show. And I watched the show get destroyed. And so going from that to seeing the news radio way, which is this weird thing where no one ever got famous from the show. The show was always almost going to get canceled and limped into five years and didn't even get to 100 episodes.

We were two episodes shy of 100, which is almost, for the show, prophetic. That's what we are. But because of that, because of no pressure, no stardom, no craziness, not too much network interference brilliant producer it became this weird environment where there's all this ad-libbing and all this you know re-changing of things and very dynamic and really funny stuff that you're proud to tell someone that you worked

on right so once you've done that it's like it's really hard to do a shitty one like the hardball one again right and most likely that's what you're to run into. Yeah. It's hard to do. It's fucking silent movies, man. That's what it is. Right. You got fake laughs and there's a scene. It's silent movies.

It's hard to keep that art form alive, you know? And so you guys were riffing in front of the audience while the cameras were rolling? Oh yeah, all the time. That's so awesome. We'd riff in front of the cameras.

Dave would oftentimes change a line, like on the fly, like come up with something that was funnier because his background had been live performing right so he knew how to come up with stuff on the fly is that hardball oh god I remember when this is on it was only on for like six episodes I think we did seven but only six of them ever made it to the air it's just they just it just got butchered but that's what happens a lot of time because in the business of tv what people are trying to do is

make a shitload of money and these producer guys they're they're they want to control everything and they want to make a shitload of money and if they are allowed to if they get into a situation where they do it you can't be surprised that they do and they don't know that their ideas suck they think they're awesome which is why they have the job so they push forward thinking that these awesome ideas that aren't so awesome actually are gonna change this show for the better like they're not trying to fuck it up but he fucked it up right so when you see stuff like that you're like i don't there's too many people i'll just do podcasts yeah exactly too many people you got to deal with yeah hoops i heard seinfeld talking about how like that was one of the only shows where they were like,

no, we don't... I think it was Larry David was like, no outside influences. And he was always willing to walk before he was even anybody. Before he even had any money in the bank. Well, that's... I don't know how true that is, but... I bet it's true. Initially, shows always get fucked with in the beginning.

I mean, unless it's Martin Scorsese and Steven Spielberg team up together for some new miniseries. I'm pretty sure the network's going to shut the fuck up on that. Right, right. But until that happens, they have some say. And they want to throw their own special spice into the soup. I like coriander. Can we put coriander in this soup? Yes.

Oh, you fuck with your coriander. Go ahead, throw it in there. Okay. You're watching your soup get I like coriander. Can we put coriander in the soup? Yes. Oh, you fuck with your coriander. Go ahead, throw it in there. You're watching your soup get ruined. It's a business. There's a lot of people involved. It's just like anything else. It's just like the design of a car or the box that the cornflakes come in. A lot of people have their say. A lot of people have opinions.

And there's a lot of weirdness going on. You know as well as I do that when you're trying to create something, especially if you're trying to create something funny, the less shit you have coming in, the better. When it comes to outside of the creative sphere, the less people... Once you get down to a core group

of very competent individuals, like writers and artists are sitting together and they're trying to compile the correct way to do something and they're working on it very hard if they're a functional group that should be where that ends right okay right when some producers come in and they all of a sudden they have line reads and they're like well why doesn't he just like oh fucking christ right you know why did you hire writers dude why don't you just do everything right once you just take, here,

why don't you write a script? That happens all the time, too. They'll tell a producer, why don't you write a script? And a lot of producers think they can write scripts. Right. So they'll go

and they'll write scripts and then those writers will pass it around amongst their friends and fucking giggle at how bad it sucks. Right. I had that on a really small level

when I first started doing stand-up. I got this management group and they're like we're gonna try to base a sitcom around the fucking five minutes that you actually have and every month

and it wasn't just me it was a bunch of guys that they managed every month they would have these shows where they would go to and then they would give us suggestions

on how to write sets that would inspire sitcoms wow and I actually got pretty far down the pike with it. I had Castle Rock and we were pitching and everything. What year was this? This was 2002. 2002.

Yeah, wow. They were still doing a lot of sitcoms back then. There was still the development deal game back then. Because that was the first year of Fear Factor. So that was when reality shows were just starting to take off. Survivor was first. And then there was a couple other ones, and then there was NBC had Fear Factor and a couple

other ones, and then it was just reality shows. Like John and Kate Plus Eight and all these other motherfuckers just spewed onto the scene. And then there was the influx of reality shows over the last decade. It's pretty crazy. It's unbelievable. 2002, that wasn't really going on as much. There was a lot of sitcoms.

And there was that sweet, sweet sitcom money. In the air from Matt Fultron. Didn't happen. I smell it now. Smell that sweet, sweet sitcom money. Everybody wanted that sweet, sweet sitcom money. I know. It's not even a game

anymore in a way. It's not really a game people go for anymore. Is that me? Wow. Here we go. Where's you? That's crazy. Dude, I'm a game anymore in a way. It's not really a game people go for anymore. Is that me? Yeah. Wow. Here we go. That's crazy. That's crazy. Dude, I'm 25 years old in that picture.

And I like your little, you got little beads on. You have one of these things on. No, it was a stainless or a sterling silver bracelet. Where'd you find that picture? Hardball website. Is it Jim? Back up and see if Jim Bre brewer's in there jim brewer was in the uh the pilot he played the baseball the pilot did he really no he played i'm sorry he

played the uh he played the original mascot that got beat up by the baseball right he played uh the pied piper because i think we used to be the pied pipers then we became the pirates or something right or it became whatever the fuck it became I forget what the name of the actual team was. But Brewer, the funniest part of the pilot was Brewer. Brewer dancing around and getting in a fight with this fucking baseball. Wow, that's so crazy. That's an evil-looking baseball right there. There's this guy right here.

That looks like Garland right there. No, that's Mike Starr. Mike Starr was in The Bodyguard. He was in Goodfellas. Right. He's been in a lot of movies. I guarantee you

you'll recognize him if you saw him. Super cool guy, man. That's the Star Trek dad right there. Captain Kirk's dad. Oh, really? To the far left.

Bruce Greenwood. He was on the show, too. And that's that dude that's on that kids show. You know that kids show? Kids show. One of those really popular kids shows he plays. He's got a character on it. I catch him on Nickelodeon all the time.

And there's Derek Jeter. That dude to the far right, I forgot his fucking name, man. I'm sorry. He was a cool guy, too, though. God damn it. I can't remember his name. But that was the dude that got hit in the teeth

with a pipe in Russia. Did I ever tell you that story? No. Yeah, a buddy of mine, that guy, was there doing some movie and he turned a corner

and some guy smashed him in the face with a pipe, knocked him out cold, his teeth were shattered. Ugh. Yeah. He told me matter-of-factly, too.

He's a tough fucking dude. So how was Russia? He goes, well, you see these teeth? Yeah. I got them because I was in Russia. I go, what happened? He goes, man, turned a corner. Some dude smashed me in the fucking jaw with a pipe. Broke my teeth out. That was it.

No complaining and whining. I was like, you know. I was whining. You know, I was like, you know, I didn't do anything wrong, man. I mean, it's like now everywhere I go, I worry someone's going to hit me.

He barely gave a fuck that this guy hit him in the face with a pipe and knocked two of his teeth out. He's just happy his teeth look better now. I'm telling you, this dude barely gave a fuck. He was a, he was a tough dude. I don't know what he ever went on to do,

but I do know it was a really strange thing I saw. He got something, some sort of a new show or something like that. He got a part in something that he was really excited about. And his girlfriend at the time, who was also an actress, started openly crying when he received the good news. And she kept saying, like, when is something going to happen for me? Ooh! When is something going to happen for me?

And she's crying. Man. And I was like, wow, this poor girl. I felt bad for her. Yeah. Her brain works that way. I was like, this poor kid. Like, look at this crazy brain pattern she's on.

Right. Weird, self-absorbed brain pattern. But that's the Hollywood way, man. That's definitely the acting way. I mean, Christ. It's a lot of it. It's a lot of lottery playing. Yeah, I mean, a lot of them aren't that.

The problem is, even the best are not that much better than some guy that's doing community theater in Oakland. Right. You know? It's probably some bad motherfucker that can't keep his shit together right smokes a little bit too much drinks a little bit too much but when he gets his shit together and gets a you know gets a hold of a script he could probably fuck it up right but he's just

never been gotten the right acting fucking agent sure agency or parts or he'll be the part always goes to colin farrow when he gets close close Fuck it But the difference between a guy who's really good And the difference between a guy who's really famous As far as what's valuable In a lot of ways How much better is the good guy than the famous guy Because you've got to be a lot better Because if you're not a lot better

I'm going to go with the famous guy Because people go to see a goddamn Tom Cruise movie So they have a hard road Absolutely Did you see this picture It's like all the guys sitting here go to see a goddamn Tom Cruise movie. Right. So they have a hard road. Absolutely. Joe, did you see this picture? It's like all the guys sitting here, and then you're like,

ugh, you're so big. Yeah, I had a fucking baseball bat with my cock out. That woman is Rose Marie. She's from, I think it was the Dick Van Dyke Show or something like that. Wow. I think it was the Dick Van Dyke show,

but I remember I was embarrassed that I didn't know. Yeah, I think. I've never seen the Dick Van Dyke show. It's weird. I've never seen

the Mary Tyler Moore show. It's weird. Well, that's not as weird. The Dick Van Dyke show is weird because Mary Tyler Moore is really young there. Yeah.

Yeah, she was on the Dick Van Dyke show. I'd never watched it, so when everybody's like, that's Rosemary, like people on the set were likeke show. I'd never watched it. So when everybody's like, that's Rosemary, like people on the set were like, that's Rosemary. And I'm like, oh, like, what the fuck does that mean? This is before Wikipedia, folks. Yeah. No one knew anything back then. God damn, we were stupid. In 1993, human beings were monkeys. Yeah. We were monkeys with a railroad system and a language and cars. What are you going to do?

Go to the encyclopedia and look it up? Yeah, we're so much fucking smarter now. But it was interesting because after I'd met her, she was getting on in age, and she's still alive. She's born in 1926. So to be able to look back and see her after I met her, then I watched the Dick Van Dyke show, and I got to look back and see her after I met her then I watched the Dick Van Dyke show And I got to look back and see her on what was like for a lot of people that were alive at the time

That was an iconic program and so I was like oh now I know why these older people that were on the set were like freaked out that she was on right now That's cuz like Jesus Christ would be weird to be on television if you were born and lived before television was even invented. Fuck yeah. I mean, I know you looked it up before and it was invented way back before it was common. Right. But still, it wasn't common until the 50s.

Yeah. And people, they barely had enough money to buy one of those gigantic furniture things you would roll into your living room and occupy a good solid 10 square feet of space. See if you could, Brian, see if you could find the dick van dyke show like a highlight or a clip of the show on uh on youtube yeah she's a very nice lady though she's very funny too she still is i'm sure she's still alive but um like i said man it ain't easy for everybody. Shit. There's a lot of,

a lot of people that don't get a shot. The thing about acting that's kind of most fucked is a, how many people out there would be awesome at it if they apply themselves? There's a lot of friends that we have that don't act at all, but if they really decided to be bad-ass actors, they would be incredible at it. Right. And I think there's a lot of people that work like a lot of regular jobs.

If they decided to apply themselves to it, they could be awesome at actors. Yeah, but the thing is like like getting Getting like discovered Like do you the sheer numbers of fucking people that are coming here? Like what do you think it like if a role comes out for a movie? Let's just say the full charge writes a movie. For you, I feel action, sort of hand-to-hand combat specialist. Sure, let's go with that. Matt Fultron. Matt Fultron is.

They fly in to Pakistan to fucking rectify some shit. Right, right. There's some people that don't know how to make a deal work smoothly, and sometimes you've got to knock a little head. You've got to be able to do both, and that's what the full charge is here for. I'm like Seagal. It's like the movie tells you what I am. Matt Fulcheron is the full charge, and I just knock out

terrorists, and I fucking save the world constantly. I see that being on Spike TV in the fall of 2016, if we play our cards correctly. We gave him a little taste by talking about it here on the podcast. Let the pitch meetings begin. Let's watch this for a second.

Starring Dick Van Dyke. Goddamn Mary Tyler Moore with Hotter Than the Sun. So hot. There's Rosemary. Wow. Larry Matthews and Mary Tyler Moore. Look at this craziness. Death of the Party.

Just the way people pretended that people were back then is so weird. Sleep in the same bed, at least. Look at this. That's pretty sexy. Yeah, that is pretty sexy. No, they don't, man. Look at the separation between the two beds.

Oh my god. I'm so sad now. She's so hot and she's right there. And he has to sleep in the next beds. Oh, right. Oh, my God. I'm so sad now. She's so hot, and she's right there, and he has to sleep in the next bed. That is bullshit. I bet doing it from behind was a lot more popular back then because you had that extra gap, so you always probably just leaned her over the bed.

I don't think people really lived like that, dude. No, they didn't. It was TV rules. I think that was just TV rules. Yeah. TV rules, they would never... Because if you have people sleep in the same bed together, you're implying that they're fucking.

Right. You don't want to imply that. This is wholesome. Dick Van Dyke, his father knows best. Just wants to play golf. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, he's just trying to sneak out and play some golf.

He ain't trying to fuck his wife. What he's doing right now is running from the prison warden who tells him that he can't do what he wants to do with his life. Sushi master. God, she's so hot, though. The cute, cute prison warden. Look, that he can't do what he wants to do with his life. God, she's so hot, though. The cute, cute prison warden. Look, she wakes up with her hair perfect.

Amazing. She's got full war paint on and her hair is perfect. Look at that. This is so weird, man, because this is like a time capsule. Oh, boy.

That was a curse word back then. This shit hadn't been done before. We're watching some shit that, like... What happened? Hi. She took out the spark plugs. I was so proud. I dressed, I shaved, and I packed

and got out without waking you up. And you were so proud, you had to come back and tell me. Honey, I forgot my keys and my money. I'm sorry. I am sorry, honey. Look what she does

when she goes to bed. The second I closed the door I knew I left the money. Honey, I'm sorry. Get over it. Are you still mad at me from last night? Rob, I'm not mad now, and I wasn't mad last night. This would be a weird sort of a piece if someone decided to, like, recreate this show with the exact sort of inflection.

Right. It's not. I'm inconsiderate. I mean, if I'm anything. But the only inconsiderability I'm guilty of is talking to you right now where there are three guys waiting for me to tee off. Darling, go tee off. Ha ha!

Do you get it? You get that one? You get that? Yeah! That's strong. Can you imagine that at one point in time that was cutting edge? That was. That was like saying, go fuck off. Yeah point in time that was cutting edge? That was.

That was like saying, go fuck off. Yeah, it's really weird watching old shit like that. Did you see, I was listening to Opie and Anthony, and they were talking about the house from the future that they used to have, where it's like, in the future, we're going to have, and they were showing how much similarities of what they guessed the house of the future was. What show was it on that they had it?

Back in the day, it used to be at Epcot or it used to be at Disneyland. It used to be this building you walked in and it was like, in the future, this is what it tells you. Oh, so it was a ride? Yeah, kind of. It's like a standing ride, if I remember. I'll show you. They have the video online, but

they guessed things like, you know, microwaves. They guessed microwaves? Online shopping, they guessed. things like, you know, microwaves. They guest microwaves? Online shopping, they guest. Really? Yeah. No way. Pull that up.

That's fascinating. Wow. So is there anything in there that we don't have, Brian? Yeah, there was a lot of stuff. I see the wheels spinning. I see the wheels spinning, young Mr. Inventor. I can't think of anything. Full charge Enterprises.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to go. See the wheelspinning young Mr. Inventor? I can't think of anything. Full charge enterprises. What I'm going to do is I'm going to go. I'm going to watch old shit with the predict of the future. Find out what happened and what didn't. And then pick up the pieces. Is there a mailbox that blows you? I knew it. That's what we're doing. Gail, cancel all my appointments

Yeah here's some photos From what it used to be Oh wow And so when was this created What year I believe it was the 19 1957 To 1967

And it was called Believe it or not The Monsanto House of the Future. Monsanto, you fucking rascal devils. That's hilarious. House of... I remember going to it.

I think it was at Epcot when I went to it. Wow. I'll find a video of it. There's a house that was... I wonder if it's still up. There's a house in the Hollywood Hills somewhere that I saw. Not in person ever, but I've seen it in photos. That looks like a UFO.

Have you ever seen that? No, I've never seen that, no. I'm going to find it on Google. The Flying Saucer House. Jamie, see if you can find it, or Brian. Flying Saucer House. I think it's in Hollywood But it's so wicked

It's a house though That once you lived in it For a little while You'd be like Alright This is ridiculous Look at it How dope is that

Right The Encounter at LAX That restaurant Yeah Looks a lot like that Yeah But this is someone's Fucking house man

Yeah no kidding Someone's chilling in that house Okay I take it back That's uber dope I would love to live in that Restaurant? Yeah. Looks a lot like that. But this is someone's fucking house, man. Yeah, no kidding. Someone's chilling in that house. Okay, I take it back. That's uber dope. I would love to live in that. It's like living in a Space Needle or something. Look at this photo, dude. Look at this photo.

Wow. See if you can pull that one up so that you stream people can see it. This fucking house is radical. You might even survive an earthquake or an avalanche or something in that. You might. Plus, you would be worshipped by Star Trek and Star Wars geeks. And where is this at? Hollywood Hills? Yeah, somewhere in Hollywood.

John Lautner. By John Lautner. He's the guy who created it. I wonder when this was built. Oh, okay. It was construction backed in 1960, but it was recently renovated. Huh. God, that's fucking wicked. The house is incredible.

They're so cocky, though. Look what people do in California. They take a hill in a place where the ground moves all the fucking time, and they just stick a big spike right down the middle and put a circle on it. This will stay here.

I can't believe no one lives in the Death Star or whatever. No one's recreated that to live in. You just put out a fucking awesome message and someone's going to run with that. Make sure you finish it, guys. You don't want to leave any weak spots. Now, should they make it full size, full charge? Well, they would have to to satisfy

me. So they're starting in space? What are we doing? I don't know. That's for the nerds to figure out. Get on it, boys. Seriously, though. If you're a single guy, full charge, and you're looking to be sly, and you're looking to really impress a gal with where you're living...

Two dozen roses? Two dozen roses at the fucking UFO house. You bring her up to the UFO house, this chick thinks you're balling. I want you to look at a view, my friend. Look at the fucking house, this chick thinks you're balling. I want you to look at a view, my friend. Look at the fucking view from this place. Sweat that shit. That's so awesome. Come on. That's so awesome. That view of Los Angeles at night is a really crazy view. Have you ever seen that view, Brian? You ever been on top of Doheny? Yeah, I've been on. Look

at that shit. It never disappoints, man. Dude, look at that fucking view. That's insane. That is an incredible picture. This house is so weird because it's just surrounded by glass because of his UFO theme. Yeah. It's kind of amazing that there's not more of these really weird, freaky houses in Hollywood. You would think there would be a lot of weird, unusual shit. I guess by the time you can afford a house you've kind of like got rid of all those crazy ideas about living in a fucking yeah i think so and like if you do come

up with a crazy plan for it if you're an architect then you got to find somebody who's crazy enough to do it you also have to find like the homeowners association has to agree oh yeah yeah that's a big deal in california right they say no to a lot of stuff, don't they? It's a big deal everywhere. I was reading about this woman who's getting in trouble because she was in Florida, Miami. She's growing vegetables in her front lawn because that's the only part of her house that gets hit by sun. So she's growing her vegetables there. She's been doing it for like 17 years.

And they're trying to get her to stop. Like the city is coming in and telling a lady to stop growing healthy food on her property. It's fucking vegetables dude. Let her have the vegetables. Like someone's going to walk by, they're going to be offended if they see a tomato plant. Yeah. Like what the fuck kind of craziness is that? Why are you telling people they can't have food up?

Could she grow anything else? Yes. She can. She's allowed to grow flowers, she can grow fucking pine trees. She can grow anything she wants. Can't grow fucking pine trees. Probably marijuana. She can grow anything she wants. Can't grow marijuana full charge. That shit's illegal, dude. Oh. That shit is illegal, especially down in that country known as Florida.

Oh, Florida. It's a different country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not America or California. Right. That's Cuba. This guy made his whole house a Star Trek house. Wow.

And his whole entire house is just like the ship. Do you hear that? That's the sound of a million panties getting wet. That's fucking dope. Look at this guy's house. Look at his fucking, even his fireplace. He did up his fireplace. You ever seen that documentary Trekkies?

Yes. Long time ago. People just dedicating their lives. Yeah, there's a lot of people that just get obsessed with anything. Whether it's World of Warcraft, being a Trekkie, being a furry. Chemtrails. Chemtrails. Anything.

Did you ever see that old Saturday Night Live sketch where William Shatner's at a Trekkie convention? Oh, no. And he just tells off all the Trekkies. I heard about it. And he points to John Levis. He's like, you, you're 30. You ever kissed a girl? He's like, you took something fun I did in the 60s and turned it into a colossal waste of time.

How rude. Yeah. I wonder how the Trekkies felt about that. I don't know. Like they were betrayed. It was one of the first like Trekkie things on TV, you know? So they probably appreciated that they were being recognized. Yeah, it's kind of interesting like what shows take off with that.

It's not like Star Trek went on forever. It went on for a few years. I think it was five. Was it five years? I don't think it was that many. I think it was more like three. Let's see. Star Trek.

It was a great fucking show. I'll tell you that. But it's amazing that like, okay, here's another perfect example. The fucking Rocky Horror Midnight Show, whatever it is. Yeah. When they do the Rocky Horror Picture Show, the midnight ones, and they have these people get up and they sing along to the music. They throw rice. They throw rice.

They wear the clothes that everybody's wearing in the music, in the musical. They still do it at the New Art, like once a month, once a week. How does that one take off? Like, why that? What is it about the Rocky Horror Picture Show that makes everyone want to get together and watch it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again? Have these midnight screenings and everybody loves it and they dress up and it's it's a community yeah but it forms over this one fucking weird movie it's all such a fucking perfect storm of events it comes out at the right time right when people notice it doesn't hurt that the movie is

fucking badass for a one-time viewing, it is a badass movie. It's very good. Rocky Horror Picture Show is a very good movie. I love that movie, especially at the time. I don't know how it holds up today. It might be a little absurd, knowing all the Rocky Horror Picture Show shit behind it. That's one thing I'm very aware of,

but don't know anything about. So I've never seen it. You should see it. It's also a time capsule. I should probably see it again, before i recommend it because you know i watched um the uh alter states movie that uh william hurt movie about uh isolation tanks i watched it and i thought it was the most amazing movie ever got me into isolation tanks got me researching them eventually got me to own one so it was like a pivotal moment in my life seeing that movie right i remember it being very good i watched it recently it's fucking terrible dog this shit is terrible i barely got

through it not only that i tried to talk mrs rogan into watching it with me uh-huh just watch this shit with me for five minutes she's like the fuck are you watching it was it was so bad man it's missing so much that makes a movie good. And then you don't get to pick the movie again for another three or four choices. Dude, you know how it is. I know how it is. Just gotta give a good steady deck. You know what I'm talking about, full charge.

Trust me, I know. I know you do. Yeah. It's weird how movies don't fucking hold up. A lot of them don't, but a lot of them do. It's so strange. Like, watch The Godfather. It's perfect. It lot of them don't. But a lot of them do. It's so strange. Watch The Godfather. It's perfect. It's a goddamn

perfect gem. There's nothing wrong with it. Everything's great about it. I can't imagine Goodfellas ever being bad. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's a perfect movie. There's movies that are just so good, it doesn't matter if someone else achieves great heights as well.

That movie's still gonna stand no matter what era it's shown in especially in consideration between like what technology was available to shoot a movie like that then as it was you know is what's available today you know it's good when not even martin scorsese can top it right he's the one that did it there you go one for over flew over the cuckoo's nest holds up i just just watched that the other day again. Fuck yeah, it does. That's a timeless theme right there. Nicholson was a bad motherfucker when he was young. People remember Nicholson sitting in front court at the Lakers game when he pretended to be a wolf.

They remember some stupid shit about Nicholson. But go back to Chinatown. Watch Nicholson in Chinatown. He was a bad motherfucker. Dude, Chinatown is another one. Chinatown holds up. He was so bad. He was so good in Chinatown. He was a bad motherfucker. Dude, Chinatown is another one. Chinatown holds up. He was so bad. He was so good in Chinatown.

We talked about it last time I was here. Did we really? All signs point to Chinatown. Did we really? I swear to Christ. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How did we get to Nicholson in Chinatown in two separate episodes? Oh my God! This shit isn't crazy. It's a conspiracy. It's crazy full charge. I don't even know how it happened.

Nicholson was the original full charge, man. He's a Chinese secret. He did a lot of fucking great movies, too, man. And, you know, he still got it. Like that movie, The Departed, he was still great in that. Oh, dude. He's still great. He's just...

And he has, like, moved seamlessly from young, hot guy to old, creepy guy. Seamlessly. Like, there was a show recently. You know that Fast and Loud? You know that that show i don't think i do no fast and loud is those guys uh in dallas they have cars and it's a they have a it's called gas monkey garage okay place and they take cars they buy them they fix them up and they resell them sell them at auctions sell them to collectors it's a funny show. Right. I enjoy it. And, fuck, what was my point?

Nicholson! Yeah, fuck, god damn, oh, that's what it is. Okay, I'm sorry.

I got distracted because it's a really good show. Right. They did an episode with Burt Reynolds. That's where I got distracted. Okay. They were redoing a Trans Am,

and the Trans Am was the Burt Reynolds Firebird from Smokey and the Bandit. Famous car. Perfect car for when you're in high school. During those days when Smokey and the Bandit. Famous car. Perfect car for when you're in high school. During those days when Smokey and the Bandit was on, that was the fucking car.

Yeah. Everybody, oh my God, it's a Firebird Trans Am. Yeah. Got the flames on the hood and shit. I mean, it was an amazing car for several years because of Burt Reynolds. But dude, Burt Reynolds is fucked. Like he's hunched over. Right.

They had him in there signing. He's hunched over. Great hair They had him in there signing. He's hunched over. Great hair. Incredible hair. It's ridiculous. His face has been operated on way too many times. Yeah.

It's strange and he's got sunglasses on and you remember him from like Deliverance, this virile, strong, like dangerous looking dude who had just gotten done

playing football, essentially. You know, he'd played football in college in Florida and went went from there into the movies he was a bad motherfucker but you look he couldn't make that transition he couldn't become the old guy the spread couldn't make the spread couldn't be himself throughout the ages yeah whereas nicholson the hair started falling out no toupee just show up to shows, his hair all fucked up, big bald spot, doesn't give a shit.

He was always a freak and always an artist, so he could kind of roll with it. He rolled with everything. He rolled with getting fat. He just kept getting fatter and fatter and fatter. And he was in that movie with Cher, where he played the devil or something like that. You remember that movie? She-Devils or something? There were witches or something like that.

Witches of Eastwick. Witches of Eastwick. That's a good movie. Yeah, and he was already fat and creepy then. He had made this transition seamlessly. So him and Burt Reynolds are probably very similar in age. But he looks great. You look at Nicholson, he looks great.

He looks like an old guy. He was at the game the other day, or Floyd Mayweather fight. And he's eating popcorn while they're interviewing him. Yeah. Chewing popcorn. You're not stopping for your camera. No. If you want to talk to Jack

while he's fucking watching the fights, he's going to eat popcorn. But you don't feel sad for him. Right. You see Burt Reynolds, and you're like, Jesus Christ, look at this poor guy. Like, his body's all hunched over.

He looks like he weighs maybe 100 pounds. Yeah. I'm not even kidding. He's got the wig on. He's got his face drawn from surgery and weird and shiny and stiff. He's got no spark. He's got the wig on. He's got his, his face is drawn from surgery and weird and shiny. He's got no, he's got no spark. He's got no life. It's, it's depressing. It's depressing when you consider like how funny he was. If you go watch Smokey and the Bandit, it's another time capsule, but it's hard to see. It's hard. He doesn't even look like that now,

man. You know, what's weird about Smokey and the Bandit, I watched it a couple of years ago. There's no, there's no one under 30 in that movie. Right. And they don't like that now, man. You know what's weird about Smoking the Bandit? I watched it a couple years ago. There's no one under 30 in that movie. Right. And they don't do that in movies anymore. It's all like young hot shots. Smoking the Bandit was fun, man. The only young people that hadn't Smoking the Bandit was people that almost got hit by cars on a baseball field when they jumped and started driving on a baseball field.

How great is Jackie Gleason in that movie? Burt Reynolds had that one. He was great. Jackie Gleason in that movie? Burt Reynolds had that one. He was great. Jackie Gleason was awesome in that movie. What was that one? I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I'm trying to remember

this one Burt Reynolds movie. I think it was Domino? Was that what it's called? Hold on. Reynolds. That's a weird way to spell it. Look at that sexy motherfucker, Joe. Look at that.

He made the hairy chest sexy. Stud, bro. Oh, oh, oh. Hold me back. Yeah, he did a lot of goddamn movies, man. Stick. Sharky's Machine. That was it.

Do you remember that movie? No. With Burt Reynolds? It was a good movie, man. Burt Reynolds. It was a cop movie. And at the time, I fucking, it was a good movie, man. Burt Reynolds, it was a cop movie. And at the time, I fucking loved it. It only has a 6.2.

I bet if I watch it today, I'll think it sucks. But I was 14 years old, and Burt Reynolds played a badass in this, he was a narcotics cop in Atlanta. Demoted device after a botched bust. In the depths of this lowly division, while investigating a high-dollar prostitution ring, Sharky stumbles across a mob murder with government ties. Isn't it funny when you read a crazy, super overly dramatic movie,

you read the description, you're like, what kind of a life is this? All this keeps happening to you. Sharky stumbles across a mob murder with government ties and responds by assembling his downtrodden fellow investigators, Sharky's machine, to find the leaders and bring them to justice. Meanwhile, most cops are bored out of their fucking minds just sitting around the office. No evidence, no nothing. I bet it's terrible if I watch it today, but goddamn, I liked it at the time when I was 14. Did he ever go mustache-less? Is he mustache-less in Boogie Nights?

I don't think he is. I don't know. He loved the mustache, man. He wore it a lot. Do you have tape over your webcam? Yeah. You don't? I don't want people seeing me beating off a camera. That's hilarious. I actually had tape that they put over this thing from filming the show.

They wanted to cover my Apple logo and I had an extra piece. And I put it over the camera as a goof and then just left it there. I met this girl the other day that had on her camera, or I mean on her phone, she had tape on the front and tape on the back, like a crazy person.

Why, because she's like an FBI agent? Well, no, people are afraid of the NSA. They're afraid of the NSA tuning into your laptop. If you look through a million hours of me, Well, no, people are afraid of the NSA. They're afraid of the NSA tuning into your laptop. If you look through a million hours of me, you're going to see me in front of the computer, and then 10% of those times I'll be beating off. Right.

That's what you're going to see. So if you need to see that. Still not a crime. Look through that thing. But, like, why would anybody want to go through that data? What are you trying to prove? I'll just tell you. What are you trying to prove? This has been tell you. What are you trying to prove?

This has been documented. For some people, though, it's dangerous as they find out that you beat off. Like, if you found out that Colin Powell was an obsessive, like, foot fetish... It would change the way I thought about him,

that's for sure. He loved, like, this is his move. He loved, like, watching a video, very specific. One girl's licking your balls while the other one,

you're coming on her feet. Right. No, that would change the way I thought about him and I would question his ability to lead the military. Yeah. Even though it's irrational

for me to think that. Yeah, if you found out that he was just really into transgender porn that was his big thing. You would not trust him when it comes to his decision making.

Yeah, because I mean... Meanwhile, there's no other indications. He's exactly the same person as when he was like the most awesome general ever. His resume is the exact same. What if it gets out to the news?

People find out how he enjoys his pleasure. With a slice of pain. Transgender with a girl is pretty sweet. What does that mean? A girl to a boy? Meaning a girl that has boobs and hair, but a dick.

And it's fucking a normal girl. You like that? You take the like a girl that has boobs and hair, but a dick, and it's fucking a normal girl. That's hot. You like that? You watch that? You watch that for real? Well, because it's like you take the guy who you don't really want to see anyways,

and you give him boobs and make him look like a girl. Somehow it doesn't affect Brian's reputation when he says something like that. He doesn't have a reputation. His reputation is that. That's the best aspect of his personality

is his curiosity, his willingness to hang his neck out there But we don't want him leading the military At the same time It's like instead of having to look at a hairy dude Or some ugly dude Have you tried it? No it doesn't work with me

I limit myself to I don't want to watch that I'm scared I'll like it Why? Because then I'll be all I watch, and now I'm Colin Powell. Why? I think, personally, when you start getting into weird, freaky shit, like if you're only into someone cumming on feet or something like that, maybe you need to stop beating off for a couple months.

Yeah. Maybe you've talked yourself into some weird box where every girl has to have a dick, and everybody's feet have to have red nails. I need red nail polish! There's no fucking red nail pot like you'll find your search message boards for the red nail polish fetish jerking off for them and right everyone agrees with these assholes black goth toads who wants to see that and you find the red nail polish but still not good enough you

got to find the perfect there's always gonna be people to take anything whether it's a conversation whether it's a conversation, whether it's a relationship, or whether it's... Star Trek. They take things to a bad place. They take a good thing, and they put it in a bad place. That's why porn gets such a goddamn terrible reputation. It's because, yeah, there's a few dudes who beat off a wee too bit. Oh, yeah.

A wee too bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A wee too bit much. But there's also people that use it so that they don't have to date people they don't really want to date just to get some sex.

That's the thing. They just see it and they didn't create it. They don't feel totally comically responsible for just watching it and downloading it and then they beat off

and then they go about their day full charge without being trapped like poor Dick Van Dyke. Right. Poor Dick Van Dyke who had to sleep in a different bed

and wasn't allowed to beat off them Couldn't even go fishing They thought Satan would come and steal you in your sleep If you beat off They didn't allow it It got labeled a homosexual thing Beat off and be gay Masturbating

Well it should be I mean you're a man fucking a man You have a dick in your hand What are you doing? You're doing gay shit You're fucking a man. You have a dick in your hand. What are you doing? You're doing gay shit. You're fucking a man's hand. How dare you? Well, I quit.

Fucking weirdo. Weirdo fucking your own hand. I don't believe in gay sex except my own gay hand. Both my hands are gay as fuck. My right's way more gay. My left hand's gay and my right hand's gay. My left hand's bicurious. Fortunately, they're only gay from my dick.

Monogamous. Boy, I're only gay from my dick. Monogamous. Boy, I lucked out on that one. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but it seems like you guys carry more weight than we do. You carry a greater societal burden. Not from people like me, but from people who judge. Yep.

So in that case, I'm glad my dick is the only thing that my hands are attracted to. You have less to deal with. Gay hands are called jazz hands, right? No, jazz hands. Ta-da! When you're trying to put a little extra energy in something that really sucks.

Ta-da! Something that's really not that good. Or you're trying to downplay something that is unbelievably super awesome. Ta-da! Like if you're standing there in front of a movie, you've been waiting for three years and you have the opening night ticket and you're like, ta-da! Those are legit jazz hands.

When you're waiting for The Hobbit, the desolation of smog, to come out. Waiting in line. Do you remember when the fucking Harry Potter novels were coming out and people were making videos of them running by and giving away the ending? No! No, no, no.

Yeah. God, those guys were cunts. It would have been great if that video ended with somebody just blindsiding the guy on the bike. Right. Just knocking him down, kicking his ass, and all the fucking Harry Potter dorks join in. Fuck you!

Sorry! Thought it was funny! Beating him with brooms. I mean, can you imagine, man? Just wanting to steal joy just wanting to steal mystery from people there's always somebody and that was bad

I mean you know I guess the internet was still around then I don't know what kind of spoilers you would get because social media wasn't as strong like Twitter and Facebook and all that stuff so I bet it was probably harder to find out accidentally what the end of a book was you had to search for a spoiler.

Yeah. Basically. Yeah. Back then, you had to really go looking. Or you had to get stuck next to some asshole who won't stop talking about it. Yep. You're like, I don't want to know. It doesn't matter.

You'll still enjoy it. Listen, he goes into the dark. You're like, why are you still telling me this? I've been working all week. And when I'm done, I want to watch Harry Potter God damn it I had a guy do that to me once A guy that I really respected

And it was so brutal I couldn't believe My opinion of him changed So I always He was a famous guy He was telling me This really fucking Boring version

Of that What is the I drink your milkshake movie Oh There will be blood There will be blood Yeah And he's telling me About the opening scene And he's describing the scene I'm like please stop What is the I Drink Your Milkshake movie? Oh, There Will Be Blood. There Will Be Blood. Yeah. And he's telling me about the opening scene.

And he's describing the scene. I'm like, please stop. Please stop. Please stop. Look, I'm going to see this movie. It don't matter. You'll still enjoy it. You'll still enjoy it.

I'll still enjoy it. You're telling me what's happening. And he wouldn't stop. I literally had to walk away. I go, Jesus fucking Christ. And I had to leave. He was insisting on letting not just me, but all the people around me know exactly what happened in this opening scene I'm like fucking Chris Daniel Day-Lewis was doing this

dude I told you don't talk about me and Daniel if I have a protein shake I think he does everything perfectly I would never criticize him have you guys seen those pants that the young kids are wearing nowadays? Oh, these young kids. Skids? It's where it looks like you have poopy drawers almost where it's not droopy pants. Here's a video of Bieber wearing

them where it almost looks like the crotch is down by your knees. What? Like hammer pants? Yeah, kind of like hammer pants. Wait a knees. What? Almost. Oh, hold on. Like hammer pants? It almost looks, yeah, kind of like hammer pants. Wait a minute. What is this?

Okay, so it's. So they're skinny, but baggy in the crotch. Like the crotch goes down to about your knees. You look like kind of like a penguin. You better not be checking leg kicks. I'll tell you that. And see all the pot smoke that's coming out of his van? This is from yesterday.

He's getting in trouble. Exclusive. Yeah, they were like, police were telling him he can't hot box with his van. Yeah. Why is he driving in a van? I don't know. Is that how he gets around?

I guess so. So he brings his crew with him. Is that how you bring your crew? Yeah. Yeah, you have to have a van if you want everybody to travel together. He's got an immense crew.

You know, when you're a legit super-duper star, you gather an immense crew like he has. I'd love to have a crew. I think the full- charge crew needs a special name, like the Volts. The Chargeheads or the, yeah, the Volts.

The Volts. Yeah. The Amps. Amperage. The Everettys. I like that. Duracells. The Duracell group. I've seen people wear these pants all the time and they hit me in a gross out kind of...

Oh, here they are. Because they are. They're like hammer pants. I'm not shocked. This shit's like popular right now. I'm just not shocked. Human beings are begging for the aliens to fucking wipe us out. Begging.

With every new fashion choice. With every new video we make. Seemed like it was getting pretty normal there for a while. Incorrect. Full Charge. Very sweater-fest. Paying attention, fella. It's been downhill since the fucking bell-bottom. We accepted the bell-bottom,

and it was a slide, my friend. A slide. I think I'm going to go to tracksuits and fanny packs. I'll do it. I think I'm going to commit. I'm for the tracksuits. I think tracksuit and fanny pack is my new look for life. I think my body will do it. I think I'm going to commit. I'm for the tracksuit. I think tracksuit and fanny pack is my new look for life. I think my body will appreciate it.

It's very light, relaxing. Let's find some good tracksuits, Brian, and change that to our new wardrobe. I'll show you the ones that I want. We live in California, man. I don't need to wear thermals and shit. I don't need layers of goose down. I can get by with a tracksuit and a fanny pack. Yeah, I want to be part of your crew.

I don't feel like starting my own. I'll get the track suit. What kind of sneakers should we wear? What kind of sneakers should we wear? We definitely gotta wear Pumas or Adidas. That's what I'm saying. Shell tops. Yeah, whatever the track suit is. Here's the shoes. Asics. Those are good. That's a good choice, Brian. That's a good choice. That's a comfortable shoe, too. And if you're wearing

a blue track suit with some white stripes, that'll fit nicely. If we learn anything from Fat James, it's tracksuits and Asics. No doubt about it. Rest in peace, Fat James. Yeah, tracksuits and Asics. I haven't had a tracksuit since I was probably 19. When was the last time you had an actual legit tracksuit?

I got one when I was like 28, because I was going out with this girl. I wanted to try to pull it off, like we're talking about now. She worked at Echo. You know that Mark Echo, that clothing line? Yeah. She worked there. And I'm like, give me one of these track suits.

Right. And I tried it for like a week and I just couldn't keep it up. You know? This is a track suit. I couldn't commit. Couldn't commit. Let's put it that way. I didn't have a crew.

Yeah. The ever readies weren't ready yet. You gotta have some other people behind you that also work. So everybody doesn't give a fuck together you know because it's just you on your own out there in the wilderness of life being judged by your fashion choices yeah wearing a fucking tracksuit and you see a girl outside of a place where a girl if you were dressed like this she'd be like oh oh you're matt foltron stand-up comedian but she sees you and you why are you wearing a tracksuit yeah well you know i just like being casual and why are you wearing a tracksuit? Yeah. Well, you know, I just like being casual. I like dressing like a moron.

They don't buy that. Is it a moron thing? They don't buy it. Is it a moron thing, or is it a comfortable thing? Are we the morons, full charge? I know I'm the moron. With our zippers to get our dicks trapped in. Our belts, and we could just have a simple drawstring, easy access.

We got to start smoking cigars, too. Dude, let's do it. Wild back. Little bit of organized crime. Just a little bit. See, Bruce Lee owned that type of track suit the same way Hitler owned the mustache. You can't wear that without people thinking that you're Bruce Lee. Except Bruce Lee hurt many more people than Hitler.

Yeah, see, like this one? Nothing. You can wear that. No problem. But that Game of Death one? No. Bruce Lee owns that. That's his. You can't wear that. You can't wear a yellow jumpsuit.

It'd be embarrassing to wear a jumpsuit and like a breakdance competition breaks out and then you got nothing. You got nothing. You're just kind of inching away quietly. Yeah, Bruce Lee, that yellow tracksuit, if you wear that, people go, yo, what's up, Bruce Lee? They'll immediately go to that. That tracksuit is off limits. If you have a tracksuit, if you wear that, people go, yo, what's up, Bruce Lee? They'll immediately go to that.

That tracksuit is off limits. If you have a tracksuit, you better learn a skill. And that better be karate, breakdancing, or counting numbers at horse races. That's incredible. Now that I'm thinking about it, is there one actor more synonymous with a very specific type of jumpsuit than Bruce Lee? No. I mean, unless you count L.O. Kool-Jay, Unless you count L.O.Hooljay Which you can't

But they can't Because he owns that yellow jumpsuit In the Game of Death so hard That to this day The only time you see people wearing them Is when they're wearing it for a Bruce Lee costume Right Like he owns that fucking yellow jumpsuit

There's never been like a time like that Where someone has Just a really standard type of athletic apparel That is so common to them that when you see it, all you think about is them. Fanny pack. Yeah. Hey.

Beyonce fanny pack. Yeah, boy. She ain't scared. When you have an ass like that, no one sees anything other than your ass. That fanny pack is only examined by people online. If you were there in front of her, it would be like a mirage. You wouldn't even be able to see it. You'd see her hips to ass ratio is

incredible. I think the tits are real. She's so hungry. She's ridiculous. Ridiculously hot. I forget what we're talking about now. Jack Nicholson. Burt Reynolds. It was Burt Reynolds. When you see

a guy like Burt Reynolds that's like had all that plastic surgery and is like really hurting right now. No one's won the plastic surgery game yet, have they? Well, here's what's really crazy. You know who's the same age as him? Who? Sylvester Stallone. Uh-huh.

That crazy fuck that looks like he's 30 years old. Right. I mean, his face doesn't, but his body is ridiculous. He's fucking shredded. So what's Sylvester doing? Just hair dye? I mean, his face doesn't, but his body is ridiculous. He's fucking shredded. So what's Sylvester doing? Just hair dye? I mean, he's definitely doing that. He's eating babies.

But does Sylvester have any plastic surgery? Taking hormones. Yeah, I'm sure he has. He's an actor. They must, by the time they get to be like that age, like special superstar blockbuster type dudes that keep their hair the same color, they've had a little bit of something done. Yeah. You know, it's a little tuck here a little Botox there They get that weird shiny skin that doesn't move and when they do this it doesn't work, right?

So it's like so then you can't even act it's like shiny. You can't even be surprised Well, you know, you could be surprised you're in a movie Somebody hired your old crazy ass your poison skin Yeah, frozen fucking paralyzed skin because you think that looks better Bruce Willis kept it real Somebody hired your old crazy ass With your poisoned skin Frozen fucking paralyzed skin Because you think that looks better Bruce Willis kept it real Still working

Yeah there's a lot of those guys right And then stand up comedy too A lot of those guys Like George Carlin Perfect example George Carlin just kept being George Carlin Through being a young guy To being an old curmudgeon.

An old scholarly curmudgeon breaking down the funny shit about the world. He just stayed the same guy. Something happens to some people though, man, where they just can't do that. Something happens to some people where they just

can't accept it. They've got to cut their face. Yeah. Not a lot of comics doing this, the surgery, right? What if it became like shown on paper that duck lips make every punchline 10% better? Oh, they probably do. I'm sure they do. If you pause. Brody does punch lips.

He does punch lips. I say punchline lips. He does it like on purpose. Like don't tell a joke. And he's got his face cut too. He does punch lips. I say punchline lips. He does it on purpose. He doesn't tell a joke. And he's got his face cut, too. He's got that scar. Yeah, but that scar is an accident. You're right, though, because that scar came from laser surgery.

He was trying to get his hair removed from his face, and they burned his face. Really? Yeah. Well, Brody's fucking hairy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brody's fucking hairy. When he shaves his face, he gets stubble like an hour later, and it's all the way up to his cheeks.

So he was trying to get it lasered, and they botched him. I wonder if he got paid for that. Did he get paid for that? I don't know, but he might have just done it again on his eyebrows, and that's why he wears a hat down like this and glasses. I hope he doesn't. He doesn't need to do that. He's Brody.

Give him love for who he is. He has two eyebrows or something. Does he really? Or lasered eyebrows, and then they took too much. No, it's something that lasts up to, I think you said six months or something like that. Lasered? Yeah. Well, they laser it.

It'll kill a lot of your eyebrow hairs for a long time. Like a lot of girls get it on their hoo-ha. Hey! They go down on their hoo-ha and they get it lasered down. But I think it's a tattoo, though. It's a not permanent tattoo, but it's one that goes away

in like six months. What are you talking about? He has eyebrows tattoos? Yeah, that's why. I probably shouldn't be talking about that. Dude, you were telling on him. Why are you talking about

Because we talked about it on Ice House Chronicles. Oh, okay. He already talked about it. He's so crazy. He would. The Hair Chronicles. He was fucking unbelievably funny the last time he was on here. Oh, it was so great. he's so crazy he would the hair chronicles he was fucking

unbelievably funny the last time he was on here oh it was so great everybody's talking about it one of the funniest podcasts I've ever done with him without a doubt so cool he's got the TV show

cause he was like I don't know if you remember like when he showed up in LA in the late 90s everyone was going fucking apeshit for him like on the

on the comic circuit well I know comics have always respected him he's always been a guy that Everyone was going fucking apeshit for him. Like on the comic circuit. Well, I know comics have always respected him. He's always been a guy that... Stanhope and I had him do the opening one.