The Joe Rogan Experience - #431 - Matt Fulchiron (Part 2)

Episode Date: December 19, 2013

Matt Fulchiron is a stand-up comedian and also hosts his own podcast called "The Full Charge Power Hour" available on Spotify.

store just lip-syncing songs and he played drums yeah he would play really good yeah pull the chairs up and pull out jump drumsticks and start playing the chairs right and it was good yeah his music is really good and it would just go on as long as there was one person in the audience they would keep going so at last I'd be like all right I bet it's 2 a.m I gotta go and then I'd stay there for another hour and a half yeah you know all the problems that we talked about with the comedy store and all the and all the issues they have, how it's being run, at the end of the day, that place is like one of the weirdest spots ever

for cool development of comedy. One of the best spots ever in the country. As dark as it is, there is that element of creativity and excitement there. And there's something, there's a weird sort of a community and a camaraderie. Like Tammy Pescadelli posted something on Twitter today, like a comedy store gang, all her friends from the comedy store, and starts, you know, putting all these people's Twitter

handles together. And I remember one time me and Brent Ernst did a show in Florida, and Brent Ernst just slayed. And he got off stage, and as he was coming up to me, he went, comedy store motherfucker! And he like gives me knuckles. Yeah. It's like they have that, you know,

there's so many good comics that have come out of there and they have that, there's a history to that place. It's like being a Marine or something. Yeah, there's something,

it's undeniable. We're miserable and we love it. Yeah. They just need to clean that place up. Ugh, I'm never going back.

Get rid of some shitty baggage in human form. But the spot itself is fantastic. Yeah, it is. It's one of the most historical spots in the world of comedy.

I mean, it's probably the, if you stop to think about it, what is the most historically important stop in the world of stand-up comedy that's still around?

I'd say it's the Comedy Store. I would say it's the Comedy Store, too. Prior film, Live at the Sunset is tripped there. Is there anything in New York that really counts?. I'd say it's the Comedy Store. I would say it's the Comedy Store too. Prior film live at the Sunset Strip there. Is there anything in New York that really counts? I don't think anything's left. I think he did. Did he

film it there or was that out of the Roxy? No, the Roxy was Kinison. I want to say that he filmed live, one of them at least he filmed at the Comedy Store in the main room. I remember the background. Yeah. I think that was it. I. I think that was it. I'm pretty sure

that was it. And that was Pryor when he was just the greatest stand-up to ever walk the face of the planet. He was the number one guy. Which in my eyes,

when I have to rank like the all-time guys, he's always number one. Pryor? Yeah, I feel like Pryor's number one. I think Kinnison in 86

was as funny as any living human being ever has been or ever will be. It always makes you laugh. Yeah. It's never like, oh, good form.

Oh, very clever. It's like, ah. He was, he was the best for like two years, but then Coke just took its toll. Coke and booze

and just fucking drinking bottles of vodka. And we had Marin on the show and Marin was telling us his story of blacking out with Kinison after doing coke for three days in a row with no sleep. For years, fucked with his head. He said for a whole year

he heard voices in his head. A whole year. Come on, Marin! Can you imagine having that kind of memory of Kinison yelling your name at you? They were always locking each other out of the house and fucking with each other. Well, I think he was talking about psychosis words in his head. Okay.

He was having, like, people were talking to him that weren't really there. Like, he was hearing things because of the fact that he just redlined his brain hanging out with Kinison for, like, X amount of years when he was a young guy to the point where he had to get out of town. Yeah, Kinison drove him out of town well his his fucking story about hanging out with kinnison is like one of the greatest all-time hollywood party stories yeah and the way marin tells it it's from if uh i don't remember what number podcast it was but god damn it was good it's such a good story it's such a good story and such a when you stop and think about like the history of stand-up comedy like one of the the most epic things was uh the comedy store explosion with kinnison in the late 80s yeah

because it became like everybody recognized that there was this one spot where kinnison developed in hollywood and this is the same spot where prior came out of and david letterman came out of and all these other people came out of it like it it put the spot, like it became like an even bigger spot in the mind of like standup. Yeah. You don't really hear that about the improv. No. Right. I mean,

it was always a great club. Yeah. Still a great club. But that place is a nut house. Yeah. The comedy store is always has been a nut house. It's a crazy place. Yeah.

You know, I heard Schubert telling some story about how he took Kinison off stage on a motorcycle one time. How fucking awesome is that? And I don't know how that's possible,

but he told the fucking story. Yeah, he went through that back hallway, he said. That is so hilarious. And I think Kinison told him to do it,

but then he said Kinison seemed pretty scared when they were doing it. Yeah, I'm sure. That's a shitty way to break your leg.

It's quite the risk because you can see out the window. Yeah, I'm sure. That's a shitty way to break your leg. It's quite the risk, because you can see out the window. Yeah. If you fall, you could ruin a good set. Yeah, it's interesting that there's no spots like that left in New York. There's a new spot.

The Comedy Cellar is the new spot. Right. And there's Caroline's, which is always a big headliner club. But as far as a development club, like the store, there's really nothing left. There's something in Queens called the Creek in the Cave,

which isn't quite the same thing, but there's comedy there every night, and people can do it. The only problem is there's no real audience. But there's like three or four shows a night, and you can just hang out there and fuck around on stage. Right, but how long has it been around? Oh, not long at all.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. It's like these weird things like the store is one of the weirdest places because it's a place that's still around and still in the same form. Like the way the shows are set up, they start at 8, Argus goes on at 8.30. The show goes on throughout the day. Everybody tag teams. It's an 8

p.m. to 2 a.m. show every night and that's just what it is. There's no other places that are rocking it like that. How many places are left that are running it like that? I think it's the only one. I think you're right. I think there's very few other ones. I mean, there's some organized shows,

and there's some main room shows that coincide with the OR shows that are organized. But at the end of the day, that's a weird club because it exists back like the clubs used to exist in the heyday. Yeah. It's still running the same way, and even running more free than any of the other clubs ever ran like that.

Yeah. Like the tag team thing? Who the fuck else tag teams? Is there another club in the whole country that's known for only having tag teams? Nobody that's known for it. I've only ever seen it. Comedy and Magic does it.

They'll do it occasionally. But it's not their thing. Yeah, they'll also have an emcee. But Comedy and Magic's the weirdest one ever because they always have a magician on the show. Yeah. You're not a fan. I'm not crazy about it.

Definitely don't like following it. That's for fucking sure. Well, does it feel like you have to restart the crowd when you follow it? I feel like all they want is magic after that. Yeah, definitely have to restart. Yeah, your jokes are just not as impressive as, like, disappearing doves.

Yeah. I always say I should learn to juggle. or learn one trick just for situations like that. Yeah, music acts are the hardest, right? Music acts, yeah. If you have to follow music acts, like, god damn, especially if they're good. So much energy in music. I was just going to say, I was thinking that when we went to see, went to the Hard Rock

in Vegas House of Blues rather in Vegas and saw Steel Panthers I saw that same place I was blown away

did you like it? Incredible I was so surprised at how funny it was I thought they were just I was going to be laughing at Poison songs haha

they were so fucking funny no it's really good it's a really good show it's like they're really good musicians too yeah and it's funny and it's like the music is really good but there was one time where he was doing this ozzy osbourne impression and his ozzy impression is so fucking good so i'm laughing like really hard at how good his ozzy impression is and i'm going god damn this is like they're nailing it right i mean, they were fucking nailing it.

He was doing Crazy Train, and I mean, it was incredible how good it was. It sounded like Ozzy. He was moving like Ozzy. Right. And I was sitting there thinking, like, what an amazing amount of power music has. Like, imagine if I had to go on after that and tell a joke. No way. I'm fucked.

It would fucking suck for at least 10 minutes. Yeah, you're fucked. You're fucked. You could try it and start off with some like you you better jump on them right away also because now their attention span is for ready set go like perfect smooth exciting beats yeah rehearsed music over and over it's all perfect right and it's all like powerful and different and completely different

kind of tone than you setting up a joke and you being conversational trying to draw them into the way you're thinking about things what's up with Ikea am I right guys

you know men and women are so different I even I had I opened a show for Brandon Flowers The Killers you know Flowers, The Killers.

You know this band, The Killers? No. I've heard the band before. He had a solo tour, and they had me open the show at the Troubadour, and that was one of the worst experiences of my life. And that was just opening. But at a music show, they don't even introduce you. They're like, go up there and introduce yourself, you know?

Yeah, I've only opened up for a couple of bands. I opened up for Bon Jovi. Really? Yeah. I was terrible. Was for a couple of bands. I opened up for Bon Jovi. Really? Yeah. I was terrible. Was it? I deserved whatever. I deserved them to not think I was funny.

I wasn't very good. But it was also so strange because it was in a theater in a round. Oh, dude. I was on stage with all their equipment. Yeah. So I had to move around these drums and try to tell a stand-up. And I was, you know, not really used to doing stand-up in places any,

you know, other than a comedy club. I'd only been doing it like a couple of years when this had happened. So there's no way I should have been like opening up for a big band. Right. No, that's a tall order. Yeah, I had some weird deal with MTV.

So they offered it to me. And like a greedy little bitch who doesn't know his place, I accepted. Yeah, well, you have to. You have to. And so there was people behind you? People all around. Someplace in, it was either Brooklyn or Queens, I don't remember, but it was weird. New York bans the use of e-cigarettes in public?

Isn't that crazy? What? 43 to 8. What? You're no longer allowed to blow out fake smoke. That is ignorant. That's ignorant of what that is. That's really stupid.

That's just vapor. It's water vapor. I mean, it's not toxic. It doesn't smell bad. It doesn't anything. Well, I don't know why it exists, though. Maybe that's a good point. Yeah, why is the smoke?

Can't you make a vaporizer that doesn't make smoke like that i think you can i think it's all part of the fun is that what it is probably smokers want to see it probably most likely otherwise if you can't smell it and you can't see it then what are you doing dude i went to a restaurant the other night i went to a restaurant the other night and there was this lady on the patio that was smoking and uh you know it wasn't that she was smoking outside she's every right to smoke outside of a restaurant if they have an ashtray there yeah if it's legal in the town it's that she was putting out her cigarettes in this plant and you know we went out there afterwards and you know i was talking with my wife saying do you think that she got rid

of the cigarettes like she's like no they're gonna be right there we walked right out there i'm sure enough four cigarettes just in right in this you place. Yeah. Just sticking in a plant. She just decided, it's right here. This is where it is. You wouldn't take your soda can and crunch it up and leave it there. But for cigarettes, there's a weird disconnect with cigarette smokers. It's a fact they know they're doing something toxic to their body, and they don't care.

So when they're done, they're done. They'll throw it on the earth. They don't have any respect for their own body. They don't have any respect for the own body. They don't have any respect for the earth. And they always say it's biodegradable, but how can that be? Even if it is, so what? It's going to exist for a hundred years. It'll look like

that for a hundred years. It's crazy talk. Yeah, it's a little foam thing. You know how long it's going to take for that to... It doesn't rain here, stupid. And even if it does, if it degrades, then it's going to go into the environment. It's going to go into the environment you know it's going to become a part of the dirt like that's not good that's toxic yeah like that's that's shitty things you're supposed to put in a bag and then someone's supposed to pick it up and

they put in a landfill somewhere until somebody figures out how to make it into fuel you know but until then we got piles of places where we stick shit like this because we don't want it just laying around on the ground it's not biodegradable, fuckhead. No way. It's not. Even if it is, it's not. No. Even if it is.

But they all say the same thing. They've all been given the same pamphlet. Like, this is what you say. This is why it's okay to do it. They all believe that, or at least say that. When Duncan and I were filming the Joe Rogan Questions Everything show on SyFy, we went to Utah. We went to this one place. This guy was supposed to show us something it was the dude was nutty and he's

making shit up was pretty obvious but yeah one of the things that was weird was that he was smoking cigarettes and I saw him smoking he's like an it was supposed to be like this expert that knows this terrain and knows the area I see him smoking a cigarette and then all of a sudden he's not smoking it anymore and he doesn't have it in his hand, and we're nowhere near garbage. So I look at him, and I just go, what'd you do with your cigarette? And he goes, what do you mean?

And I go, what'd you do with your cigarette? And he goes, I go, did you throw it on the ground? He goes, yeah, I did. I go, why would you throw it on the ground? I go, we're in the wilderness. Like, we're out here. We're supposed to be like the stewards of the land this is public wildlife land and you're taking cigarettes out and throwing them on the ground in front of everybody right you have a pocket

it's not like a cigarette weighs 50 pounds you can't carry it back or you'll die up here put it in your fucking pocket man right like this is disgusting but for him it was instant it was like this is what you do you You're done with your cigarette. You throw it on the ground. You step on it. You walk on. So he didn't think twice about, I mean, we're talking about beautiful land. Yeah.

Gorgeous landscape, crazy rock formations and shit. He doesn't think twice about throwing a cigarette onto that, just leaving it there. Yeah. But you wouldn't do with anything else. That's a weird thing that people do with cigarettes. It is. It's crazy. It's a weird thing that people do with cigarettes. It is. It's crazy. It's real weird, man.

It's real weird, and it took Bill Hicks. Yeah, that's the worst part, quite honestly. Most likely. I mean, maybe it was something else. Maybe it was genetic. I don't know, but he smoked a lot. Dean Delray the other day, and he rides a motorcycle. And he's like, the worst thing is when people flick their cigarettes out of the car,

and you're in a motorcycle, and it goes right into your suit, like in your helmet. And you're just like driving, and you're trying to get it out of your suit. That's a weird one anyways, though. It's like, that's the whole new level, and you see that all the time. It's like, I'm just going to throw it out of this car. You don't know what happens to it. It's on fire. It's on fire.

It's California, where everything's dry as fuck. It's like, I'm just going to throw it out of the sky. You don't know what happens to it. It's on fire. It's on fire. It's California where everything's dry as fuck. It happens every week. The whole fucking mountainside goes up. It's all retards, man. We just got to get better at educating people

from the jump. Better at educating babies. That's what we got to do. Take babies away from retards. Give me that kid. You're going to fuck him up. He's going to be a cigarette tosser.

Do you watch Duck Dynasty? No, but I know the controversy. I thought it was fascinating. I posted something from the Borowitz Report today, and I guess a lot of people thought that it was real. I thought it was real when I first read it, like when I first read the title, and then I saw it was the Borowitz Report.

But it was that Vincent Scalia defends... Hold on a second. I'll pull up the Borowitz Report. But it was that Vincent Scalia defends... Hold on a second. I'll pull up the tweet so I can say it exactly. Someone tweeted me and said not to talk about Duck Dynasty, and I had no idea what they were talking about. This is why. I'll tell you why. The thing I tweeted, it's in the New Yorker, and someone first tweeted me or sent me the headline,

and I looked at it and I was like, what? Is this possible? And then I realized it was the Borowitz Report. He's a comedian. Oh, okay. But it said, Vincent Scalia calls Duck Dynasty decision unconstitutional. All I saw was the NewYorker.com. So I thought it was some sort of a news story.

So I posted it, and so many people got angry. There was so much anger. Who the fuck is Supreme Court to say what a lot of people agree with? I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I got a lot of Jesus tweets, a lot of people talking to me about sin and the sins of the flesh, and Jesus says that you – there was like a slew of them came my way, and I was like, wow. And then so i had a

tweet after that hey folks not familiar with the barowitz report he's a comedy writer and what i it was just a satire everybody take it easy he was just being funny but why is everybody getting mad about the duck guy getting removed from tv for saying that uh he doesn't understand someone choosing a man's anus over a woman's vagina. Right. Let's compare that to a lot of things that people are allowed to say and not get kicked off TV for. Yeah, right. You know, I mean, is that really a big deal that he's saying that? I don't understand why anybody would choose a man's anus over a girl's vagina either.

I wouldn't. Okay, it doesn't mean that I don't believe that people should be allowed to do whatever they want. It's just that it's not that way for me. Right. It's like I don't understand when people go to the opera. I know people love the opera, but I've been to the opera,

and I don't understand it. Right. It doesn't work with me. Just like men's booties don't work with me. But they do work with some people. But would you pick a man's anus over the opera that's the question it's a it's a fucking toss-up because i could you know you you fucking got correctly you're done in 10 minutes operas take three hours hours

they take hours and they're fucking mental torture to me obviously not to you but you know the the duck dynasty where he fucked up is he was uh he wasn't just uh saying that he doesn't understand people making that choice he's also talking about sins you know and right people start talking about people rotting in hell for being gay and the network has to show a certain amount of uh i want to say i don't want say guidance, but they have to set a certain amount of an example. If they are the people that are ultimately responsible for putting something on television and a guy says something that is kind of homophobic. I mean, not even kind of homophobic. What was his actual, the actual quote?

Let's pull up the actual quote because it was, to me it's like, you know, you're talking to a guy who wrote a book and his whole thing is about, his shtick is about being controversial and being a wild man with his wacky beard and him and his sons and they all hold hands and pray at the end of every episode. You know, he's fucking a little bit cocksure. He's talking about the queers now. Yeah, it's not like the president said that or something. Yeah, I mean, what do you...

It's the redneck on TV. Do you know what he looks like? I mean, are you really surprised? I mean, think about the shit that Archie Bunker said, and it's classic television that people long for and cherish. What is his exact quote? So you can pull up his quote. Says... I think it's funny.

It seems like to me a vagina as a man would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. He adds, there's more there. She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes. But hey, sin, it's not logical, my man. Okay, see, that's not that bad to me. He didn't say it was a sin.

That sounds like a guy who's trying to do some comedy and trying to be funny, and he's not good at it. You know, he's trying to be interesting. Well, then he continues. You know, his whole life he's grown up being a duck call manufacturer, and then over the next

X amount of years he becomes one of the most popular people on television. Right, and people think he's funny on top of it. Yeah, they love that he talks crazy shit. So I think, you know, he gets into that sort of vibe. Obviously, that's who he is in the first place. The guy's not going to invent this character

at, you know, 65 years of age or whatever the fuck he is. He's not the owner of Chick-fil-A. He says, he continues, start with homosexuality behavior and just morph out from there Bestiality sleeping around with this woman and that woman those men they won't inherit the kingdom of God. It's not right He's I mean I don't watch the show much because I you know, it's fake So I just I don't watch any of that crap, but they show a lot of church scenes in it Don't they like I remember seeing at least one

It's a very religious show. You don't fuck with God's America. He released a statement. Listen to this. He said, I myself am a product of the 60s. I centered my life around sex, drugs, and rock and roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ

and also what the Bible teaches. As a part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they're different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like him

I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other. That was his quote. What a dick. Wow. TMZ has a thing up right now. It says Phil Robertson publicly bashed gays for years and A&E knew all about it.

I love how they have A&E knew all about it in caps. Well, you know what, man? There's a lot of those dudes out there. There's a lot of those weird dudes that care if guys are gay. They do it because they think that Jesus doesn't like it and they get angry about it. I don't think anyone's ever read the Bible.

There's a few people that read it. Doesn't matter. I tried one time. I stay in so many hotel rooms. I'm like, so many people talk about this thing. I'm reading this fucking thing. Couldn't get through it. Very boring. It doesn't hold up.

You think the altar stays doesn't hold up? The Bible really doesn't hold up. Yeah, I mean, there's no mention of iPhones. Well, there's a lot of people that fucking read it, though. They'll quote it back to you, and it has power in that scripture. Isaiah 16, chapter chapter 4 they'll just start quoting it you're like why what is it why is quoting some book all of a sudden give like this this why does it have power because it's the word of god why come i can't understand it yeah why

doesn't god talk like more clearly covet thy neighbor's wife what are you saying what are you saying i can't fuck her? Would you please tell me what the fuck covet means? I don't know, dude. This is long before the Dick Van Dyke show. You were not allowed

to use those words. Yeah, covet thy neighbor's wife. Why don't you go tee off, God? Wah, wah, wah. Yeah, those shows are like, they might as well be silent movies. You know? Might as well be.

Right. The first minute and a half was him just getting his golf bag together and shit. You know what else might as well be silent movie? Unfortunately, man. Watching TV shows. Watching it on actual television with commercials. Might as well be silent movies. Yeah.

And, like, it's gotten to the point where it's like, why would you sit down and watch what someone else has programmed for you? It's like you know what you want to watch. What I'm saying is sitting down and watching it through commercials. Yeah. I'm saying if you don't have a DVR, or if like I tried to watch The Walking Dead the other day. I taped it on the DVR, but I also had like an iTunes subscription for it,

so I could watch it on iPad. And I mostly watch it on iTunes on my TV, but I decided to try to watch it live, like actually watch it with the commercials on. Cause it was on, let's watch it now. Oh my God. Every 15 fucking minutes. It's like six commercial breaks and they play the same commercials. Dude, not only that, there's, there was one time where it was like, they showed like five minutes of the show and then it went to commercial. It was crazy. It's the same commercials. Dude, not only that. There was one time where it was like they showed like five minutes of the show and then it went to commercial. It was crazy. Yeah. I was like, this doesn't even make any sense.

Like how the fuck can you – you can't concentrate on the action. You're not really into it. You get lost in this breakup by all this shit that you don't want to see. And then you got to get sucked back into the action. It takes a couple minutes. And then next thing you know, there's another fucking commercial. I forgot how unbelievably like disjointed watching a show is like that. Trying to watch a show like that live.

Because I haven't done it in so long. But I did it the other night and it's fucking terrible. Yeah, I don't enjoy it at all. I can't believe they do it that way. Having commercials on in the middle of a show is the shittiest fucking way to break up a show. It's one thing if you have a two-hour show and you have an hour break to pee in the middle or something like that. And everybody knows it. You come back in.

Like at the opera. Yeah. Like a five-minute commercial break that everybody enjoys. And then it becomes a contest of who can make the most creative commercials that make people actually want to stick around and watch them. And then they have this five, seven, whatever the fuck minutes of commercials. And then the next show plays. That's how they should do it. Just mix the products in the shows.

Yeah, but then you can't trust the show. You're thinking, why does he have a Coke there? Because they paid him to have the Coke there. Yeah, why does the zombie have a Sprite? They already do that. They already do that on television shows. Yeah, but if you go to my house, you're going to see a Coke. You're going to have the Coke there. Yeah, why does a zombie have a Sprite? They already do that. They already do that on television shows. Yeah, but if you go to my house, you're going to see a Coke. You're going to see a Sprite.

Why make it some fake one that even throws you out of the realism to begin with? If you have a Pop Soda, no one has Pop Sodas. You look at it and go, oh, this is fake. Because they don't pay you unless you prominently feature it. They don't pay you if you just use it. They give you free shit to use. When we were on news radio, they had fake Cokes.

They had a sticker they would put over a real Coke, but the logo was approved. It was approved to use that. If they want to pay you, then you're going to do a Coke commercial. You're going to have the Coke right there. They're just giving you Coke. But if they wanted to pay you, then

things would get different. Then you would have to actually say, you know what, why don't you just have a Coke. But if they wanted to pay you, then things would get different. Then you would have to actually say, you know what? Why don't you just have a Coke and a smile and shut your pie hole? Right. And then it would be written into it that you have to say Coke every day. I think there's a big difference between product placement and then a real commercial, like the kind of monies that you get when you're doing a commercial. They get a lot of money when they're doing like, think about like,

how many people are watching Walking Dead. What is it? Like 16 million a show or something crazy like that. Who knows what the numbers are? Something huge. Something huge. Right. So just think about how many fucking people are watching those commercials and how much

those commercials are worth to the network. Big money, son. Absolutely. Big money. Because if you're getting past a million views, two million, then you become a phenomenon like the Walking Dead. They're going to get some cash for those ads yeah that's those ads they're worth something and those ads are fucking up the whole show they they gotta figure out how to bumper it just put them on the beginning put them on the end let the whole thing play out so you can get

drawn into it that's why you need to just wait for the season to be over with yeah download it all well you don't have to wait you can can download it as it's airing. Yeah. That's where we get it from iTunes. But I don't think it comes out the day of. Like the day after or something. Something along those lines. I might be wrong about that.

But I think I looked for it once when it was only on the DVR, which is why I had to go with that. It's terrible. Another thing that happened, which isn't half as bad, but still annoying as shit, is the whole fucking advertisement right on the TV show. Oh, you're so right. Oh. Oh.

Does that take you out of it or what? Sports do that all the time. You're watching one thing, and at the bottom is all this other shit about, you know. The guy pops up, and he's like, hi. Yeah, those little floaty dudes, little ghosts in the corner that tell you about an upcoming show. Kissing cousins. Coming up next on CBS. Yeah.

No shit. It's where they're dinosaurs. Those things are all these like old ways where that was the only way to get the word out. Just go tweet it, NBC. Okay? Tweet it. Yeah. Don't run a big little fucking little munchkin in the corner dancing around telling you to tune in to the next show

while the show is on right now. Hugging munchkins. You're confusing the fuck out of me, man. The scroll is definitely the worst though, right? The scroll that you can't stop reading. Yeah, you can't stop. You can't pay attention to the scroll in a while. The shit you're watching.

Watching a scroll. Fox Sports, a lot of sports places, they love that shit. They love just giving you, like if you're watching a sports show, they're not just going to give you the sports. They're going to give you fucking stats and info at the bottom. Football people love that shit, man. Stock market people love that shit.

If you watch a financial show, they run the fucking market. Domino Sugar's up five points. Look at that fucking numbers. How exciting. A lot of news shows, like Fox News does that too, don't they? They'll show you the news and they'll scroll some Taliban commander killed, 16 dead, drone strike. They'll have all that shit on the bottom while it's going on. California man kills Jesus Christ again.

He was only a tuna sandwich, says the homeless man. Yeah, that inundation with shit just constantly coming at you. It almost makes the internet less complicated in a way than actual television. Well, the beautiful thing about the internet is there's a few live things, but most of the stuff is just there to download. You can just stream it and get it when you want it. It's just there. I mean, there's a few live.

Honey Honey did a live music show from, God, I want to say England. Wow. Were they in England? I want to say they were in England. I might be wrong. But they had it streamed through some website, and it was pay what you think it's worth. Yeah. Cool.

Yeah, it's great. So you could put a dollar in or nothing or 50 bucks or whatever, and they would show you a live stream of their concert, which I thought was pretty dope. Nice. But it's other than that kind of stuff or this kind of stuff, like a Ustream or something along those lines, you're just downloading things.

Most of the time it's just already out there. Yeah. TV shows, man, the idea you have to wait, and it's Saturday night. Is it 7 yet? 7.30. It's ridiculous. We have 30 more minutes. It's over's over yeah and then you sit there and then you have to sit through the fucking commercials and all that

it's it's that's a goddamn silent movie yeah no that's what happens to me you know i'm on the road and i'm in a hotel room that's the only time i watch tv as tv and i'm like i can't find anything i want to watch you never don't change the channels. You just flip the shit. Yeah, when you're in a TV, especially if you're in a hotel, and they give you like a guide, like you have like right next to your bed, they'll give you like a big piece of paper that has like HBO, Channel 10, Showtime, Channel 12, whatever the fuck it is. But other than that, you don't know what's on.

You have no idea. You have no idea. You're just changing channels. So you're constantly changing channels. Watching some stupid piece of shit, changing channel. Watching some stupid piece of shit, changing channel. Watching another stupid piece of shit, changing channel. Very unsatisfying experience almost every single time. The only thing you get stuck on is HBO

and public access. Local public access. Or if a really good show comes on that you didn't expect. A really good movie. That's a nice thing. Because it's a 1 out of 10. Then it's like hunting. And you get that satisfaction of winning the lottery. But it's rare. You know, gambling's a tough game. it's a 1 out of 10. Then it's like hunting and you get that satisfaction of winning the lottery. But it's rare. Gambling's a tough game.

It usually leaves you unsatisfied. Yeah, and then if you want to get movies from movies, like those movie things where you press menu and you pay $17.99 to watch some terrible fucking movie by yourself. You know what's really funny? When you go to the movies now and you see something really funny, you're like, you're reaching for the remote control. I want to see that again. Oh, I can't.

That's funny. I think that when you have access to shit like we have on the internet, we're getting super spoiled to the idea of immediacy. Just being able to get things whenever you want it. If you want to watch an ad, you watch an ad know what i like i like when i go to a youtube page and it starts playing an ad then it says skip this ad i go yes unless it's something i'm interested

in yeah i'll watch a little bit if it's something i'm interested in but i don't want to have to it's awesome that they know that they can't get away with showing a minute ad well sometimes they're really long. Sometimes it's like four or five minutes. You can skip them, though, right? Yeah, but sometimes they're like little shows. Like, you're forced to watch it. But I've seen some interesting ones.

I've seen some cool ones, some, like, extended trailers and some interesting ones. They've really upped their game when you consider, like, in the 80s, it was like, Folgers coffee. I really enjoy this drink. What you rarely see, though, if you watch a YouTube this drink What you rarely see though If you watch a YouTube video Is you rarely see Commercials in the beginning

And then they pause in the middle And then have more commercials And then they pause again And again You don't see that You get to see the whole thing Yeah And I know

Probably the vast majority Of what you're downloading From YouTube Is probably short clips For most people Yeah But there's some pretty long shit On there too

Yeah you can watch TV on there Watch our podcasts on there All three hours of them Yeah So there's's some pretty long shit on there too. Yeah, you can watch TV on there. Watch our podcasts on there, all three hours of them. Yeah. So there's some long shit that's on there as well. So I don't buy the idea that it has to be done that way, that it has to be every 15 minutes.

I think that's one of the things that's going to kill them. Yeah. It's going to cripple the business. People are going to get annoyed by the fact that this is what the experience is limited to. And then once people start putting money

into like like Hulu Plus do an original program original programming Netflix Netflix doing house of cards and what was the other show they were doing? Black is then orange is the new black is a good one and that is the prison prison prison show Yeah So one wouldn't guys like that When they start doing new shows and creating their own content and putting it online and making it available through devices like, you know, I get my Netflix through my DVD player. You know, you can get your Netflix through Apple TV. Yeah.

There's a lot of different ways you can get it. And you get it instantly. Yeah. You know, and it's going to be real hard to compete with that if you make me watch commercials. You know, it seems like I would rather pay $7 a month and not watch commercials it's seven bucks yeah that's not that much you know i mean how much is apple tv every time you download a show is it like it's sixty dollars for the whole the whole season right yeah yeah no hours and hours and hours and hours of entertainment and you don't watch a single commercial i'll fucking take totally worth it

it's worth more than that, probably. Yeah. If you really stopped and thought about it, like, it's probably worth, like, a hundred bucks to watch a full season of a really good show. That's a decent amount. You'd pay hundreds for it, like, 20 years ago. Yeah.

To have that kind of access to a TV show. You think they're going to do that with movies ever? Well, they're going to have the option where you could download it to your home and, like, you have to pay $50? If you go to the movies and you're going to an IMAX and you're going to see some fucking

new sci-fi thriller, some new fill in the blank, whatever it is. You're going to probably spend... How much is it? How much does it take these days? Nowadays, it's like... well, at least LA is like 15 bucks. You want to see, okay, 15 bucks.

Let's go to the high. Let's go to 20. Let's pretend we're in New York, right? Okay. You want to see Avatar and you're going to pay 20 bucks a ticket. Would you pay 50 to watch it at home? You probably would, right? Some people definitely would.

Some videos are already doing that. Some movies are already doing that. Now at theater movies on iTunes, or movies that actually came out in theaters, they're giving you the option to watch it at home. Really? Are these movies good, or are they independent movies? They're usually the independent or smaller budget ones,

but there's been a few that actually have been pretty big size. But then again, there's something really cool about going to the movies. I really like going to the movies lately. I find it's one of the only things that can get me out of my head lately liquor don't work no more pot kind of does liquor don't work on the full no no no i'm immune to it now what's going on i don't know i've been to a movie in over a year you build up a tolerance movies are great they can because you're not you're not allowed to check your phone well i, I mean, people still do it. I don't. I follow the rules. And I'm in the movie.

I can get out of my head. And it's awful up here. I like the movies. The ladies behind us went to see The Desolation of Smaug. Wouldn't stop talking to each other about the movie. In the movie? Yes. I hate that shit.

And it wasn't loud enough where you could really say anything. It was like, I don't know what he's going to do here. Yeah. It kills you. It kills you. It kills you. Because you're like, should I say something? Yeah. And then if you say something, you feel bad too.

It wasn't enough. Ugh. It wasn't loud enough. But the reality is you shouldn't be goddamn talking through the entire movie. They kept doing it throughout the movie. But you would be an asshole. It was like at the level where you'd be an asshole if you brought it up. It's awful.

Because the movie's so loud. Like, how can you even hear it? But you can. You fucking can. You know it's there. And it takes away from the experience a little bit. You're not as wrapped up in it. It's a level of purgatory that's worse than hell.

Smog is good, though, man. I see Anchorman. Dude, that looks good, too. Anchorman looks hilarious. You can't go wrong with a Will Ferrell movie. Did you hear who's in it? All told, too. Anchorman looks hilarious. You can't go wrong with a Will Ferrell movie. Did you hear who's in it? All told, no. Kanye has a cameo.

Oh, that's hilarious. And Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford has a cameo? Yeah, if you remember the first one, there's a good fight scene. Yeah, Kanye and Harrison Ford fight. I think. Oh, that's hilarious. Louis Anderson's there.

How do you know this? Somebody told me that they got to see the premiere. He's got the inside track. Brian's in show business. Yeah, Anchorman looks good, man. You know what looks good, too? Godzilla. Godzilla?

Wolf of Wall Street was my idea. Uh-oh. How high is he? You want to hear it? I saw Cheech Marin today. No doubt. You did? At Union Station downtown.

Let's hear it. Okay, here it goes. Tommy Chong, the Wolf of Wall Street, is my idea. So I heard that you shared a cell with Jordan Belfort. Yeah, a cubicle. A cubicle, yeah. And we don't call each other cellmates. Or we call ourselves cellies.

You also mentioned it was very similar to Goodfellas. That was my... You mentioned it was very similar to Goodfellas. Oh, yeah, it was. That was my favorite part. So, please, like, did you guys, like, have someone, like, a wife smuggling bread? Or, like, what happened? Yeah, we actually had people smuggle turkey, of course, for Thanksgiving.

Oh, my God, that is awesome. Yeah, one of the wives put it in her boots, her big boots. I heard you also urged him to write it down. Do you think you deserve any of the royalties from that movie being made coming out soon? Oh, for Jordan? Yeah. Well, I inspired him. I wrote my book called The Meditation from the Joint.

And Jordan asked me, you know, I write every day, and he, what are you doing? And I told him. And so he said, so he started writing his book. And then he wrote a few pages and he showed me, and then I kind of insulted him because I told him, I haven't written anything. And he got really mad because he's a genius.

So he ended up rewriting. I told him how to do it. I said, just write from the heart. Write about what you know. And next thing you know, he's got a bestseller movie. That's ridiculous. Hey, you should get some of that world. That's a crazy story.

No, no. Just seeing him do good. Actually, my biggest thrill is watching him make money honestly. Because he was such a genius. But he was, you know, but he was, you know, he was like all thieves, you know, they were twisted. Wow.

That's much different than the headline. Yeah, the headline was completely different. I was just going to say that. That's a really irresponsible headline, but that's what got us to listen. Yeah. If it was like Tommy Chong salutes so-and-so for his success.

I mean, all he said is that he helped the guy write. You know? What's once? I didn't know that the guy who wrote that was a guy who was selly to Tommy Chong. I didn't know he was in jail. That's interesting. That's wild. Yeah, I don't know.

Is that supposed to be good? Wolf of Wall Street? It looks great. It does. It looks pretty dynamic. That Leonardo DiCaprio. He flies under the radar with a lot of people, but he might be the baddest motherfucker of them all.

I think he's fantastic. And him and Scorsese put out something every Christmas? This is great. Dude, that Quentin Tarantino movie, the Django movie. Oh, yeah, dude. So good. When he makes the turn from being a good guy to a bad guy, he's a bad motherfucker, dude. I think he's great, dude.

Yeah, he's too cute. That's the problem. Yeah. Man is too fucking handsome. And Duck Dynasty said he's the only asshole that's better than a vagina. Did he really say that? No. Are you sure?

It sounds like something he would say. They suspended the dude. Pulled him off of A&E for that. Really? Yeah. I feel like the headlines are way worse than the quotes on these things. You know? Yeah, I agree.

I just had an issue with this microphone here. I don't know what happened. We'll be right back, folks. This would actually be a good place for a commercial. No, we don't have a commercial. Turn off here.

We have a broken thing. Fix that shit, dude. Don't turn it off, man. Oh, okay. Hmm. This is just a shitty microphone arm. I was going to switch this to those anyway. This is actually a bad microphone arm. I was going to switch us to those anyway.

This is actually a bad commercial for these mics. Brian, stall. It broke? Friday, Joe Rogan and Joey Diaz are going to be at the Ice House with a few other comics. Nice. This Friday? This Friday. Ice House Chronicles.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow. We got a bunch of good people on that. And Joe Rogan's going to be at the Hollywood Improv for New Year's Eve. Beautiful. I got a commercial for you. My new CD. This is the part of the job I hate.

Now on iTunes. It's now on iTunes. Now on iTunes. This is the part of the job I hate. It's now on iTunes. Now on iTunes. Available to the public. Let's get another one. We're going to have to switch out microphones here, ladies and gentlemen. We had an issue. This is what happens. Shitty Chinese made mic arm. If we just win America, Detroit

makes a fine mic arm. There's actually ones that Fitzsimmons has on his serious show that are pretty dope that i'm trying to find i love these mics i couldn't find them no no no not the mics the mics are great the mic arms suck a fat one the ones that um that um craig fitzsimmons has on uh his uh serious show with these really thick like tubular aluminum looking ones they don't like the the wire goes through the center of them.

It doesn't have all this Velcro bullshit need. That's it. Why don't you guys talk amongst yourselves? I got a Texas tour. Me and Tony Hinchcliffe are coming to Houston, Austin, and Dallas.

January 9th, 10th, and 11th. We're also bringing a surprise guest that I'm about to announce. Tell us, tell us, tell us! The tickets are on sale now. You can just go to DeathSquad.tv. Will you bring me back some ribs, Brian? No doubt. I was thinking about some Texas ribs today.

Have my mouth watering. I can't wait to go back to Texas. I can't wait. I hope to run into Aubrey on it's there. I want to hang out with Alex Jones. I might spend an extra day in Austin maybe. I don't know.

Have you ever spoken to Alex Jones outside of the times you've been on the show? Yeah, he has my, he once in a while texts me. Back in the day

he would text me back and forth. Brian's Alex. But then I would text him and somebody else would have his phone. I know where the barbecue is. I know where the best barbecue is

where the CIA's not watching you every five seconds while you try to enjoy a fucking brisket. I love Alex Jones. No, he's great. I can't wait to get back to Austin to see that dude. I can't wait to have him on the show sometime. I'm surprised that we've never had him on the podcast.

We will eventually. He's just never in LA. When he is, he's busy dodging chemtrails. It's a lot of busy work to do. But we'll have him in. People get a chance to see a different side of him than we do. Yeah. You know, I'm sure he'll go crazy and yell and scream,

but you'll get to see a side of him where you'll get it. You'll go, oh, that's why they hang out. Like, he's a fun dude. And people always ask me, wait a minute, is he for real? Yes, he is. Yes, he is for real, for the most part. And he's fun to hang out with, man. But we are having Roseanne Barr on.

She's going to be on. Get out of here. She's going to be on the 30th. Wow. She follows me on Twitter. And next week is going to be Monday, Joey Diaz, and Tuesday, Duncan Trussell. Nice. So we've got a lot of shit going on, ladies and gentlemen. We've got a lot of things happened to Alex Jones back when the old Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, when they showed you chemtrails.

That was the old back room. It's so stupid that they got rid of it. There was so much history on that. Yeah, they fucked up. That was a dumb move. That room was awesome. Yeah, they fucked up. That was a dumb move.

That room was awesome. That room was just filled with people's signatures from decades and decades of comedy, and they decided to paint over it for some strange reason. For no reason, right? Whose idea was that? I don't know. Cap City, how dare you? Meanwhile, it's one of the greatest clubs ever.

Yeah. It's a must stop. If you're a comic and you're doing a national tour and you have 12 spots where you're going to hit, you're going to Austin. You got to go there. If you get booked at Cap City, you'd be a retard not to go. You got to go. Silly bitch. Start the wall all over again.

Sign that shit. They're smart. They're cool. They don't give a fuck. They're from Texas. They're not showbiz obsessed. No. It's a totally different vibe.

And they like to party. Okay. Drink some beers. Texas people like to party. Alright, alright, alright. Texas people. That sounds like Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. Dazed and confused. Full kegs. Everybody's gonna be there. You oughta come. Texas is a fun place to stop.

I'm not sure I'd want to live there, but it's a fun place to stop. Really? Not like I'd want to live there, but it's a fun place to stop. Really? Not like in Austin? I think maybe outside of Austin I'd like to have a ranch where I have a trusted assistant who guards the perimeter. Perhaps a wolf dog by my side. You've got to get guns and you've got to get dogs.

Have you seen this thing that they discovered in Bolivia? Brian, pull this up. It's on my Twitter. 300-foot wall in Bolivia has over 5,000 dinosaur footprints. Whoa. It's crazy. The earth has moved so much since then that this is like, it's now like a straight wall, like a flat cliff.

It's really crazy to look at because, you know, the earth's topography changes and this, where these things are walking, one point in time it was probably like a creek bed or something like that. But now... Now it's vertical? Yeah, that muddy water or that muddy ground that they were walking on. There's a bunch of them. They found a shitload of them. But it says the title of the feed is Twisted Sifter.

Twisted Sifter. I guess it's an archaeologist's website or something. What do you want to do with your life? I want to look for bones. I want to be a fossil. This 300-foot wall in Bolivia has over 5,000 dinosaur footprints. But it's crazy that it's a wall now. So at one point in time, they were walking on it,

and then the Earth fucking radically shifted so much so that it's like a wall. And these muddy footprints are up the side of the wall. It's crazy. I wish someone was here that knew what the fuck was going on so they could explain this to us. Yeah. Because I'm just assuming that that's how it happened. Hey, you guys know a lot about dinosaurs?

Are they really those bright colors? I know about as much as anybody. You know, bro. No, it's all speculative. Dinosaur Joe. Speculative. In fact, there was some recent speculation that because of the way T-Rex was built, that he might not have been a predator at all, that he might have been a scavenger,

and that he might have been very vulture-like. That instead of looking like this green murderer that we see in Jurassic Park, that he would have like this really bright red skin. Like, hold on a second. See if you can find those images, Brian. Pull up T-Rex vulture scavenger. T-Rex.

But it's interesting because you realize when you see something like that, oh, they're just guessing. Type in bad rap, too, Brian. Misunderstood dinosaur. T-Rex vulture. T-Rex's bow. This it?

Yeah, you can find. There's some in there. No, that's not it. If you go down to this one here, they drew him with a very bright red face and black skin behind it, much like a condor. And that was one of the speculations was that he wasn't able to run fast enough because of the way he's built that he really just would lumber on to dead things and fuck them up. And there's also some evidence that some things got away from him, which is pretty interesting when you consider how fucking big they are. Yeah.

And how did anything ever get away from that with that mouth? Right. But there was bite marks on things that actually had survived for X amount of years or X amount of months or whatever after being attacked by one of these fucking things. Well, you think we got a lot of big animals still that aren't that fast. Not like this motherfucker. Yeah. But you know, the thing about the time of the dinosaurs is also that the whole atmosphere was different than the atmospheric pressure was different. The amount of oxygen in the air was different. The temperature was different. And if it was a really super

oxygen rich gaseous environment, like I think has been speculated, it might've been easier for a big thing like that to move. And that might have made sense why there are so many big dinosaurs. I mean, dinosaurs were fucking dwarfing elephants. They were huge. Really? Yeah, if you look at like brontosaurus, you know, look at all those really giant plant-eater dinosaurs. They were fucking enormous. We went to the Natural Museum History in New York. They have all those bones of the

dinosaur bones. When you stand next to one of those things, you just go, oh my god. You really get it in your head, like, Jesus Christ. Why did it grow that big? Why was everything that big? And now you look around and... Everything's small.

A horse is not that big. And us little ass dudes are running this shit. A giraffe is like a baby compared to Why was everything that big? Right. And now you look around and- Everything's small. Yeah, a horse is not that big, you know? Right. And us little ass dudes are running this shit. A giraffe is like a baby compared to a dinosaur. Like, that's the biggest shit we got. That's wild. Big, crazy, long neck ass giraffe.

Do you ever see what a T-Rex would look like if it was furry? Because I always thought, what if they had fur? They look kind of like crows. Like, look at this. Wow. So they don't even know if they were furry? I don't know. You know what's crazy? They know that a lot of dinosaurs did have feathers. Yeah.

They're direct descendants. What if a T-Rex to us looks scary because it would be like taking a bird and taking all its feathers off. Yeah, it looks scary. It looks creepy as fuck. No, they look scary, dude. Come on, man. Look at their fucking heads. What if it was cute? If you have a bird that has a head that big, it's probably

even scarier. A bird with teeth like that and a head as big as a T-Rex would be fucking terrifying. Yeah, I mean, just an eagle can fuck you up, right? Oh, look at that shit. You know what you should Google, man? Google terror birds. T-E-R-R-O-R birds. These were these

gigantic, six-foot-tall birds that they might have been even bigger. They didn't fly. They just fucked people up. They just fucked things up, dude. 2.5 meters. So yeah, they were six and a half feet tall. How tall?

One and a half is a meter, right? A meter is three. Tell me an American. So they were seven and a half feet tall. Seven and a half is a meter, right? A meter is three. Tell me an American. So they were seven and a half feet tall. Seven and a half feet tall. It says eight foot two inches. Okay, why didn't you just say that? Why are you making me do math?

Come on. Is a meter three feet or is a yard three feet? A yard is three feet. So what's a meter? A meter is close to three feet. Close to three feet. But it's not exact. Okay.

Either way, eight foot two inches tall and weighed approximately 330 pounds. And it was a fucking bird. God damn. Just this big ass, spooky looking fucking bird. Imagine that thing. Yeah, that's just the birds. Seven and a half feet tall and eats meat. Running around with a hatchet for a face.

And it wasn't that long ago, man. These things were alive when people were alive. Is that true? Mm-hmm. Yeah. 15,000 years ago. They did not become extinct until 15,000 years ago. That's fucking terrifying.

Oh, my God. Jesus fucking Christ. The Romans could have had a fight then. Okay, maybe that's not true, because apparently there's some controversy about that. That it has been suggested the species did not become extinct until 15,000 years ago, but more precise dating by Dr. McFadden and his colleagues refutes such a late date and that all known, the bird's called the Titanus. Titanus?

Titanus fossils appear to be at least 2 million years old. Wow. Giant flightless birds called Phosph... Ooh, okay. Phorus... I'm not even going to try. I'll spell it for you. P-H-O-R-U-S-R-H-A-C-I-D-A-E.

Good fucking luck with that one. For a psoriasis, which are named terror birds, has been thought to represent the youngest species of the lineage. That's interesting, man. You know what's interesting? The Congo still has like big giant flightless

birds that's why i don't go they have these weird birds that go fishing in the congo yeah yeah oh dude there's a video brian see if you can find the video of uh ancient bird eats snakefish please brian i want to see it. Eats snakefish Congo. Do you think he's going to look any extra hard if you ask him, please? Yeah. Eats snakefish? Yeah. Or is it shoebill?

Is that what it is? A shoebill eats a snakefish? Yeah, that's what it was. Shoebill eats snakefish. See, why would we watch television with commercials in it when we just type in bird eats snakefish. Yeah, that's what it was. Shoebill eats snakefish. See, why would we watch television with commercials in it when we just type in bird eats snakefish? Yeah, dude, that's it. Shoebill video. You got to see this fucking thing.

This thing looks like something that should be extinct. Like when you see a shoebill, you look into that eye, and it might as well be, what was that movie? and it might as well be what was that movie what was that fucking movie where there was a there's a guy who's like not Wes Craven

fuck what is his name he had a bunch of really cool horror novels that had been produced and turned into movies all I can think of is Stephen King but I know that's not right horror novels that had been produced and turned into movies. All I can think of is Stephen King,

but I know that's not right. John Carpenter? No, no, no, no, no. Graceland? Grisham? No, no, horror. It was horror. Look at this fucking thing.

This is crazy. Yeah. Night Dwellers or something like that. Fuck. What was the guy's name? Look at this fucking thing, though. My point is that this thing belongs in that movie. This doesn't seem like that. Fuck. What was the guy's name? Look at this fucking thing, though. My point is that this thing belongs in that movie. This doesn't seem like a real being.

This seems like something out of Hades that's walking forth amongst the earth. Amongst the people. Is that still alive? Not in my world, bro. Snakefish, eh? If I find that fucking thing, I take it out. Look at that eye thing, that zombie eyelid. I take it out, bro.

I don't let this thing stay in my environment because if it grows larger, it's a threat to my ancestors. It's the Rogan and Joey show. Oh! My progeny. Look at this thing. Hey, what do you want for meat? This fish that breathes air. I got meatballs.

That's all I got for you. This fish goes up, this snakehead fish goes up and sucks a big deep gulp of actual air. That looks like a cat right there. Look at this fucking bird. This bird is a giant bird. I think they're about four feet tall. Where's Snuffleupagus?

Wow, that's crazy. Hey! Forget about it. Bird comes after me like that, I'll be like Get the fuck out of here Oh Look how he gets a hold of that fish What a scary fucking creature

Oh my god Both of them What a fucking scary Yeah the fish is scary too But that bird is just extra freaky It looks like he could fly With those wings Can they fly?

God damn that thing is big. That's so weird. What's a fucking weird animal, man? Very large, stork-like bird. It derives its name from the massive shoe-shaped bill. Although it's somewhat stork-like overall form and has been previously classified. True affiliations with other living birds are ambiguous.

That's interesting. So it might not have any affiliation with other living birds. Some authorities now reclassify it with the pelian clathiforms. The adult is mainly gray while the juveniles are browner. It lives in tropical East Africa

and large swamps from Sudan to Zambia. Birds are amongst the trippiest fucking things that are alive on this planet.

Well, they can fly. And even if they can't fly, they're trippy. I'm freaking out about those terror birds. Wow. The ones that walked.

Joey Diaz was all pissed at this bird because he dipped one of those snakes in ranch. How big are these fucking things? It doesn't say how tall they are. It says identification. I'm just fascinated by birds, man. I'm fascinated by the fact that they used to be dinosaurs, essentially.

Have you ever seen those gigantic eagles that live in the forests of South America and they eat monkeys? No, monkeys? Oh, my God, dude. Harpy eagles. Brian, Google, what did that bird do? Just eat a duck. It just was like, hey, how's it going, duck?

What bird was it? A pelican. A pelican ate a duck? It's like, hey. No way. Oh, my God. It did. It just fucked like, hey, how's it going, duck? What bird was it? A pelican. A pelican ate a duck? It's like, hey. No way. Oh, my God. It did. It just fucked a duck up.

Swallowed it whole. Whoa. In front of all these people, too. It doesn't give a shit. Look at that. The other ducks are kind of cool with it, too. They're not that scared. I don't think they're smart enough to know what the fuck happened.

How about that? I think you're right. They probably never thought that was going to happen. Someone's going to come along and swallow them? No. One of their brethren? What? I think you're right. They probably never thought that was going to happen. Someone's going to come along and swallow them? No. One of their brethren? What did I ask you just five seconds ago? To look up

something. Oh, the harpy eagle. Giant, yeah. The harpy eagle. We'll end on this because this is even more preposterous. This is the biggest eagles in the world. It's the harpy eagles of Venezuela. Brian, can you please look that up for us? Thank you.

These things are crazy, man. They've caught them stealing sloths. Just snatching them from their trees. If you go, Harpy Eagle grabs a sloth, you can see this fucking thing. What do sloths eat? Vegetables. They're really slow as shit.

And they don't have much defense. Especially not against a flying raptor. What do sloths eat? Vegetables. They're really slow as shit. Right. And they don't have much defense, especially not against a flying raptor. Especially, I think, the biggest eagle in the earth. I don't think there's any bigger eagles than the harpy eagles. They're enormous. And this thing swoops down. You got it? Yeah. It's harpy eagle training.

No. Go to harpy eagle grabs the sloth. There's a video that shows this thing stealing one of these sloths from the world of the living. Watch this shit. This sloth is just upside down. Poor bastard. Oh, dude. Look how slow they are.

It's like they're designed to be eagle food. He's not even putting anything in between the two of them. He's probably so dumb. Look at him. Look how he moves. Oh! Forget about it! Oh my god. That is freaky. That would probably be fun though for him right now.

For the sloth? Right there. Right now he's dying because he's getting his body punctured by these giant swords this fucking thing has in the end of its feet. Nothing fun about that. His feet are these clawed things. The raptor claws are frightening, man. Especially a big giant one like that. There's a reason why those dudes have those goofy shoulder straps on.

You know, those things that they put these big leather things on. They hold the eagle on their arm. Whatever those things are called. What are they called? Eagle gloves. Is there a name for one of those things that an eagle lands on? I always just called them gloves. I don't know.

There's a name for it. Yeah. What's it made? I don't know. Joey Diaz used to say it. No, no. Joey Diaz said, what are you waiting for? A fucking falcon to land on your arm?

Eddie Bravo had a leather thing. Whoa, is that real? Is that real? Yeah, look at that fish's eye. Joey Diaz said, what are you waiting for? A fucking falcon to land on your arm? Eddie Bravo had a leather thing up. Whoa, is that real? Is that real? Look at that fish's eye. It's like, what the fuck? Throw me back! Look at that. The eagle has all those little swords in the end of its feet

dug deep into the fish. And it's just flying. That's a big-ass carp, too. Why does the eagle look more scared than the fish? Because the eagle's evil. The eagle's evil, and it knows it's evil. The wicked never rest. What will it be like when I die? Father, what will it

be like when I die? Will I go to hell? Alright, ladies and gentlemen, this podcast has basically reached an end. Thanks to everybody. Thanks to everybody for listening. Thanks to everybody for being a part of it. Thanks to Red Band. Thanks to The Full Charge. Thank you. Thanks to J-Bop For making things happen over here

We've got it all going down Tomorrow night we will be at the Ice House In the Little Room It's the fucking sweet spot Did you just call him J-Pop? Yeah that's a new name Oh because it's not Jam Band anymore Because he's got his short hair

J-Pop He's got a pop haircut now You can't have Jam Band You're not in a band dude You're a pop star You're a pop star. You're a singer now. Whatever. I don't even know what I was talking about.

Friday night, Joe Diaz, me, Brian Redband. Benji Afalo, Mike Young. Beautiful. Powerful Mike Young. We're going to have some fun. Friday night, like I said, it's the Little Room. It's one of those places that you very rarely get to go to. Mike Young just has some amazing news.

Maybe he's coming to a huge network very soon. Nice. Good for Mike Young. Nice. Alright, thanks to everybody for tuning in and thanks to Ting for sponsoring the podcast. Go to rogan.ting.com and save yourself 25 bucks, ladies and gentlemen.

It's worth the ride. Trust me. Thanks also to onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain. And thanks also to 1-800 No, today is 1-800 Flowers. Let me read

this because they got a new thing that's just for today. 1-800 Flowers just for today only. So when you hear this in the future this shit won't work anymore. But the offer code JRE will still be good for savings on whatever their new offer is. 1-800-Flowers.com. Enter in the offer code JRE.

And for this special day, you get one dozen red roses. You will get another dozen for free. And it's available only today. 1-800-Flowers.com. And 1-800-Flowers, if you call them, just mention J-R-E. Thanks also to Onnit.com. Go to O-N-N-I-T, use the code name

Rogan and save 10% off any and all sub-a-mass. And we'll be back Monday, Joey Diaz, Tuesday, Duncan Trussell. The week after that it'll be the Great Roseanne Bar. We got a lot of other people coming on. We got a lot of shit happening

ladies and gentlemen. We love the fuck out of you. We appreciate you very much and we'll see you very soon. Big kiss. Mwah! Woo! Thank you.