The Joe Rogan Experience - #448 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 3, 2014

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, and hosts his own podcast with his wife, Christina Pazsitzky called "Your Mom's House" available on Spotify.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night! All day! Now that Nick Diaz doesn't fight in the UFC or hasn't fought in the UFC for a long time, that soundbite is even cooler. Yeah, it is. It's like, it's a lucky moment in time.

Hilarious. Yeah, this weekend, Tommy Bunz and i were in new york having a good time in the big apple that was fun man that was fun that was a good time the show was insane they were the nicest fucking people on the planet earth so nice yeah yeah you don't always look at when you start talking about sizable crowds when you start talking about over a thousand people yeah but for them to be that nice felt like a room of 50, you know? It was kind of a screwy situation. Excuse me. Because we were at this old venue and this place,

the only way you could get to the 10th floor where the auditorium is, is you had to take an elevator. And out of the bank of four elevators, two of them were broken. And don't forget the building had thousands of people in it for other massive events two massive events the stern show party like his birthday birthday bash yeah which was on the bongus yeah he was on one floor and there was what was that other seahawks super bowl party was exactly yeah there's a seahawks party thousands of people and then our show was sold out for months

so it was like it was madness and it was all these people having to go from floor to floor on elevators it's so weird to like to um to do a room that big that is not a ground floor room 10th floor and 10th floor it's old as shit theater the place is old as shit it's really fucking cool like The building is badass. There's a lot of those old buildings in New York City that are like, you feel different when you're in them. Because you know, when was this building made? 1909? Whoa. And you're walking around it.

First of all, they're solid as fuck. Think about a building that's been there for 100 fucking years and it's still rock solid. I mean, they made some goddamn buildings back then but uh on top of that it's just got all this history in it you know these these all these people have been through it and it had some strange design i guess a flaw or i don't know what you would say but just a byproduct of the design there was a wind whistling through the entire hotel. So bizarre. The entire, it was not a hotel, the entire convention center, whatever you call it.

Building, yeah. Manhattan Center. Yeah. The entire place, like a 30 mile an hour wind. Like you would open doors and wind would come in, but it was warm. But you couldn't find the source of the, you couldn't be like, oh, this window's open. That's where the wind's from. It was some sort of an effect of all these doors being open and the wind coming in from the front door. So the wind would come in from the front door with

such momentum that it would go down these hallways and literally make it upstairs. So you'd be on the 10th floor and the wind would come whistling through. I mean, strong wind. And the weird thing is that like to get to our, to the room, to bike to backstage, you go up, to backstage, you go up to the 10th floor and you go down like eight hallways with turns. So you feel like you're in this weird labyrinth. Yeah. There's not like you go, well, this door's open. It's right here.

That's where wind's coming from. You weave all the way into this area and then the wind is hitting you from every angle. Yeah, and it's warm. It's not even cold wind because it's freezing outside. But by the time the wind gets to you, it's been heated up by the building. Yeah. So it's like some sort of an internal baby tornado thing going on.

Yeah. You know how with tornadoes, I think part of what causes tornadoes and some hurricanes is the two different heats colliding with each other, like warm water and cold air or cold water and warm. Yeah, I knew that about hurricanes. Yeah. There's something about, you know, weather fronts and conditions colliding.

And I wonder if that has any factor in the cold air becoming, you know, like whipping around that building like that and becoming warm. Dude, even when we went into the green room, we felt the, you know, that wind. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I moved, cause there's a curtain there.

You move the curtain and there's no window. I thought the window was open. It was so, I just didn't know where it was confusing, like where it was coming from. We're like, how is it hitting us right now? Yeah. It's really weird. And you know, when you think about like wind in buildings, like I think about things like, like remember that movie Backdraft?

Oh yeah. And then like, that was like the first- I was scared to open doors. That when you are in a fire, when you open windows and you open doors, it affects the amount of oxygen coming to the fire, and sometimes it's almost like an explosion comes at you. You know, there's wind and air and heat and temperature. We deal with them so often, like on a stable basis,

air conditioned rooms, like especially in California, pretty stagnant climate, pretty static climate. But when things change like radically and have these weird effects, like you realize like how bizarre the whole idea really is in the first place. Yeah. Air,

invisible air around us all the time, whipping around and moving and you can feel it when it blows on you, but you don't see shit. You don't see shit. It's also like one of the basic kind of building blocks of the world, of life. Yeah. And I think most people know very little, like me, about it. Like, you kind of go like, how do I not know more about how that works?

Yeah. And I don't. I'm just like, yeah, I know oxygen feeds fire. And that's kind of my little extent of my knowledge about it. It would be weird if Manhattan put a big fucking wall around it. Yeah. That would be the way to avoid the window. That would certainly, yeah.

Just put a huge wall. But the top of the buildings would still be wiggling. Probably, yeah. Well, they engineer that in them. The fact that they can sway, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, all new buildings will definitely. Like, buildings in the last 20 years? Yeah. Well, they engineer that in them. The fact that they can sway, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, all new buildings will definitely, like buildings in the last 20 years.

Yeah. All will have like sway, especially if they're built, well, I'm sure in New York, but like San Francisco, LA, you know, they expect them to have tolerance for earthquakes. I was in Ray Kurzweil's house in San Francisco. He's that Google guy. He works for Google now. The guy who works with artificial technology. And he's this proponent of the idea of the transcendental man. That one day we're going to be able to transcend our biological existence and either become a part of a computer or download consciousness to computers.

Fascinating, fascinating dude. But he lives on the top of this fucking building. I'm like, this is San Francisco, man. This is a crazy place to live. This fucking thing moves, man. Don't you feel weird about those Malibu homes on sticks? Fuck yeah. Those people are crazy.

They're crazy as shit. Remember when we were in New York this weekend, when we were flying in, we flew over areas that Hurricane Sandy hit in New Jersey. And you see like where buildings used to be. You see like these areas where shit is just wiped out. Yeah, scary. It's fucking real scary, man. Like it doesn't happen that often. No, but when it does.

But when it does happen, you're fucked. And it can happen. We're just basing everything on such a short timeline. Our ideas of what weather is possible is only based on the last couple of hundred years. It's true. It's based on a couple of hundred years. And then you also only live so long. When you talk about history, time in history, a human lifespan is not even like, you don't even measure how often

something happens by, so we only refer to things happening through like, oh, it hasn't happened since like my grandfather was around. That's not that long ago. That ain't shit. You know, yeah, that happened fucking yesterday in terms of history, so. Yeah. It happens pretty often, actually. To put it in perspective, think about the lifetime of like, say, a house

fly. What do they live? They live like seven days, ten days or something like that. Okay, let's find out. How long does a housefly live? I think it's a couple of days. Yeah, think about how many horrific things have happened in modern recorded history, weather-wise. If you lay that out over stuff we don't know about, really bad natural disasters happen all the time. Seven days.

That's how long a fly lives? Yeah, most of days sometimes as long as two months whoa so two big difference i'm an old school pimp man i've been around here for a minute just think about how little change happens over the course of seven days in the world i mean sometimes yes sometimes no but the idea of basing the weather on what happens in seven day increments is fucking completely ridiculous because we know about seasons Well seasons don't exist to a goddamn fly. Yeah during grandfather's day the world was frozen Things were dark Life was terrifying. There was no shit anywhere to land in You know my papi was around last month when the shit would drop it would freeze instantly. We couldn't legs

You know, I mean, that's what their version of the world would be. Yeah, sure, yeah. But then you talk to like 10 generations later, it's sort of like a Game of Thrones type of thing where they're talking about

the winter being months or years instead of months. I still haven't seen that show. You haven't seen it. No. How dare you. I know. One of the things about winter

is winter is varying lengths in this crazy world that they live in. Sometimes winter lasts for years. For years. Yeah. Fuck that. Winter's coming.

And they're all terrified of winter. They're all terrified of winter. It gives you a good perspective because we know that winter's going to be, even if it's in Iowa, even if it's somewhere like Michigan, it's fucking cold as shit. It's four months. You know, tough it up. Yeah. Suck it up.

You'll be all right. But if winter was 40 years you got to move i don't want to hear your argument for why you stayed yeah but you know what i'm saying yeah you know the like the thinking behind that it's like that that really is what it's like the difference between living in michigan and living in california yeah i mean there's there's some places where people live that have pretty extensive and sometimes brutal winters. Nothing compared to 40 years, but I'm saying there's, you go further north into Canada. Yeah.

There's definitely cities that have, like you could argue that it's pretty seriously winter by October. Yeah. And then it gets, it just gets varying degrees of worse, you know? So like, they're like, this isn't winter yet. I know it's five out, but wait till next month. And you're like this isn't winter yet i know it's five out but wait till next month and you're like okay and then you go into november december those are freezing january february the worst and it's still cold in that place in march and sometimes into april snows in may yeah so you're talking about go to edmonton yeah catch a crazy snowstorm in may cold as fuck wrong it's

cold as fuck yeah i ran into a couple in pho in Phoenix that came to the shows, the shows down there, and they live in Edmonton. And they said they take the summer off, or the winter off. The winter off, yeah. They just go to Arizona. It's like, fuck this. Fuck this, yeah. Yeah.

Especially Phoenix. Phoenix is great. Yeah. In the summertime. Oh my God. It's crazy. But in the wintertime. It's a dream.

It's beautiful. Yeah. It's awesome. That 130 degrees in the summertime is fucking retarded, though. It's horrible. That and, like, in Vegas, where you're like, what the fuck are we doing? Yeah, it gets, like, 110 all the time. Where you're just out there cooking, like a hairdryer in your face.

And if you happen to, like, walk on a pavement, oh, my God, or get into a car, and you're looking, and the thing, you turn the car on, it says, like, 122 on your dashboard, and you're like, what is happening? That's the sun. Yeah. It's horrible. But these people, they lived most of their life in Edmonton. And they were like, fuck this.

When you think about it, everybody would if they could. I mean, there's no such thing as like I really, you know, I understand people like the seasons and all that and, you know, the change. But nobody wants to be around 20 below for extensive periods of times usually. That's reasonable. I think you kind of want to get out of that naturally after a while. Did you ever see that show Life Below Zero? Uh-uh.

It's one of those Alaska shows where these people are living in these strange climates, and there's this woman who operates this refueling station, and it's, I think, 100 and something miles north of the Arctic Circle. Oh, my God. So this crazy lady... Hurts inside to think of that. This is a badass bitch.

She's by herself up there, and she was attacked by a bear once. I don't know how she survived, but it broke her leg, and I think maybe her hip, too, and bit into her head. Is that her? Yeah, that's her.

Does she have a beard? She's got a little something going on there. Okay. You would too if you were an old lady. Okay. The more the best. Yeah. Normally she doesn't look like that.

All right. She doesn't have the frost on her face. Don't be cruel to my woman. I just saw a beard and I was like, she has my beard. She's a tough broad, man. Yeah.

And I've been trying to figure this lady out. I watch the show all the time and I'm trying to figure this lady out. I think this is what it is. I think she's a tough lady that enjoys challenges. And so, like, her life is better for her when it's just this constant struggle against nature and the elements. She enjoys it. Yeah.

She seems to, like, thrive off of it. I think that's a, you know, there's individuals you put, you set up circumstances for, it's better for them. Like, in a big picture, like, some people work better with structure and some people work better with no structure, you know. And I think you keep progressing along that line. Some people can thrive in harsher situations. Like, this is ideal for some people, but I think it's not for a lot. There's a minimum amount of people that actually want to be and will thrive in an environment like that. Well, everyone is always looking for Phoenix to go to in the middle of the winter. Everyone is looking for comfort.

Right. And what these people are doing is going the exact opposite way. And they're saying, we're just looking to make it exciting and struggle every day, but we choose to do it this way. Like, these are all what you call subsistence hunting people, meaning they live completely off the land.

They get their vegetables from, they grow them, they get their fish by, that woman right there, that Inuit woman, her fucking whole family has had massive loss because of people falling through the ice and drowning. She lost her mother, I think, or her brother.

She lost several close family members, fell through the ice, and fucking froze to death. I mean, this is some harsh shit. Yeah. This world is crazy. And they have to do it. That's the only way you're going to get fish. So they're out there on this river, this flowing river that free, the top of it freezes and you're standing on it. And if you fall through, that's a wrap, son.

That's it. It's over. But there's no other way. Like there's no other way to get the fish out of there. But she also has, there's purpose for her being up there. In other words, it's a refueling. Like she's there for a service or no? She's just there.

No, that woman just, that's how they live. That's just how she lives. That's how they make their money. They don't have jobs. They just get fish out of the river. I mean, there's several groups of people. But you're looking at that Inuit woman and her husband. Yeah, different groups.

Yeah, there's four or five different groups. Do they sell fish or is it just fish to eat? They sell some things. They do a lot of trading, though. They'll trade, like, give you half of a caribou. I need some fan belts for my car to repair my snowmobile or what have you. They travel by snowmobile everywhere. Everywhere.

So when they're outside, they're outside, man. There's no, like, heated trucks where they're driving around in. No, sir. No. It's a crazy hard life. Yeah, but they like it. They do like it. Well, this one lady is really fascinating because she said, I mean, it's hard to tell what someone's really like when you've got a camera in their face.

Yeah. It's hard to tell who they are if they're relaxed and you're just talking to them. Sometimes it takes months to get to know someone to find what goes on behind the scenes inside of their head. So you don't really know that lady that well from watching her on that show. But what you can tell is there's something that she's enjoying about being up there in this really scary environment where she's already been attacked by a fucking bear. I mean- Jesus.

She got attacked by, and those are grizzly bears. These are the big brown bears. They're not like black bears that you can scare away. They're there to fuck you up. Yeah. She hunts caribou and fucking small birds and whatever she can find up there. That's where she gets her meat. You think the bear was like, I see your beard.

I'll give you a break. We both have beards. No, I think the bear, she probably shot him or something. I don't know what the full story is. That's such a, like, there's not really much topping badass stories as much as I got attacked by a bear and I fucked, like, I killed that bear. Yeah. Like, what's a better story than that? Maybe a shark?

Yeah, but sharks, the idea of you fighting off a shark. It's crazy. You don't have much chance. Yeah, but if you did If you're like That's why I got this half arm right here It's like if a shark kicks your ass On the shore

On the shore Say if you have a giant knife in your hand And the shark kicks your ass on the shore Like The shark deserves it Yes Cause you were just fucking Well how's a shark gonna get you on the ground

You could take a great white shark Put it on the beach I will fuck that thing up Sure There's no chance Yeah I will fuck that thing up. Sure. There's no chance. Yeah. I will get behind him and I'll stab him right in his stupid brain. Yeah.

I'll find it, a little pea brain. I'll chop away at the top of his head. Do a little dance afterwards. And I'm sure he'll open his jaws and shit. Whatever, dude, you're not in the ocean.

You're fucked. This is my world. My house. Yeah. You're not going to bite me. I'm going to stick fucking a knife in your brain and then I'm going to eat you. Yeah. But if you're in the water,

you have about the same amount of chance, except the only thing that saves you is that sharks are stupid so if there's some way that you could like jab it in the nose with like a harpoon if you had like one of those fish harpoons like dudes who go um what do they call it uh spearfishing yeah shoot the spears sure yeah the spear guns if you could like stab it in the nose with that you might be able to get it the fuck away from you because you know that they're kind of sensitive in their nose. But you might not. Yeah, most likely you will probably not.

Most likely you'll miss. Yeah. And it'll bite your arm off and you'll bleed out, you know? Yeah. Yeah. They swim pretty fucking fast, too. Unless you can swim, like, 40 miles an hour, which I don't think... Some homeless guy in California yesterday got attacked by a mountain lion.

Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that guy got fucked up. Homeless guy, was he hiking? Yeah, he was outside. He was camping. He got attacked by a mountain lion. Wow. Yeah, not good.

Unusual homeless activity. They're going to have more and more of that. They don't really camp when they're homeless. It's more just homeless. They're always camping. They're the best campers. Homeless people are constantly camping. Well, it depends on what kind of homeless, it's more just homeless. They're always camping. They're the best campers. Homeless people are constantly camping. Well, it depends on what kind of homeless, obviously.

This guy, it seems like he might have been a crazy person. Had a long week of being homeless in the city. I'm going to go up to the hills for a little bit. Yeah, man. Little me time. That ain't fun, man. No, that sucks. It's going to happen more.

You know, this is something we talked about on the Opie and Anthony show when we were in New York. Yeah. We talked about mountain lion attacks. Yeah, man. And here there's a... Sexy group of people right there. Yeah, that was... Who's that guy in the back?

That's Tommy Bunz, Ricky Gervais, Jim Norton, and Opie and Anthony and us. What a fun room, man. Fuck yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was a good time. It was so cool meeting... I'm a big fan of Ricky Gervais. Yeah, he's a nice guy, man. Fuck yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was a good time. It was so cool meeting, I'm a big fan of Ricky Gervais. Yeah, he's a nice guy, man. Super nice guy.

Very nice guy. Really easy to talk to. Very interesting wolf fact that you learned also about the jaw, the biting. Yeah, they have a bite that's like five times

more powerful than a pit bull. I couldn't believe that. I couldn't believe that either, man. It's crazy. I definitely thought he was making that up. Exaggerating. Yeah, exaggerating it.

Well, you know, sometimes it's like someone tells you something that was making that up. Exaggerating. Yeah, exaggerating it. Well, you know, sometimes it's like someone tells you something that's just not correct and you repeat it. I've done that before. Of course. And sometimes, you know,

you're not even intending to mislead. You heard something or you think you remember the number and you're like, I think it's this number and you just throw it out. I've done that.

I thought it was going to be bigger, obviously. I think a wolf bites harder. Yeah. But I didn't think it was going to be bigger, obviously. I think a wolf bites harder. Yeah. But I didn't think it was going to be five times. Five times.

That's just fucking bananas. Wasn't it snapping elk bones? Yeah. They can snap the leg bone of an elk. That's insane. Yeah. What a crazy animal.

Yeah. You know, the idea that people think that's a dog, that's so silly. And now when you think about just that, whatever you already

knew about them, you think about that added stat, and you think about the fact that they hunt in packs. Think about three or four of those mouths, what that's possible of doing in how quick amount of time. Yeah. I mean, they ambush you. They come this way, that way, and pretty soon you're looking around like, oh, shit. And that's what happens to animals. They get trapped.

It's so funny. Steve Rinella, my friend, the hunter guy from the show Meat Eater, was talking about there was this one thing where people were talking about running and trying to keep up with wolves. Could a man try to keep up with a wolf? Right. And one of the ways that they tested it is they took these wolf dogs and they let these wolf dogs go,

and then they had these people run through the mountains and, like, see if they can keep up with the wolf dogs. Like, you know, see, like, wolves can run faster, but sometimes people can run longer and steadier pace. Well, the wolf dogs, wolf dogs are not wolves. And he was like, the way he described it, he's like, that's like taking an alien. And an alien comes down and finds the fattest,

most out of shape guy with the worst diet and says, run as fast as you can. We want to see how fast humans can run. Oh, really? That's the equivalent of that? Isn't that a great, yeah. Isn't that a great analogy? Because he goes, a wolf is a wolf.

They're not dogs. They're not getting fed. They're out there running down elk and biting their legs in half. Right. And this is not a wolf is a wolf. They're not dogs. They're not getting fed. They're out there running down elk and biting their legs in half. Right. And this is not a wolf dog. They're fucking wolves. Did you watch this past season of Eastbound and Down

when he gets his kid a wolf? Did you see that or no? No. It's so ridiculous. Did you see that, Brian? Yeah. What's his name? Kenny Powers gets his kids a pet wolf.

And he just keeps it in the garage. Oh, Jesus Christ. And it's on a big chain, like a chain fence. He's keeping it padlocked. And it's just growling at the kids. And he's like, go feed it. And they have to throw meat at the at the wolf it's such a great show yeah so all right this is what he got this is so ridiculous

because of their goddamn oral traditions but seems legit to me you know i'm not so sure that this is a good gift for five-year-olds it was a perfect gift for to. With my new high-paying television job, I'm not going to be around the house as much as I'd like to be, so it's very important that Toby has a strong male role model so it doesn't turn out weird. Toby's going to serve as a spirit guide. Spirit guide. Spirit guide. Watch yourself, motherfucker.

Because of this opportunity, our family's going to be taken care of forever. Who knows? Next stop, Space Camp. You fucking stupid show. Who wants to bet this? Next stop, Space Camp. That's a fucking stupid show. Who wants to bet this? That show is so funny. It's so funny. It's such a good show. That dude is goddamn hilarious.

He's hysterical, man. Did you see him in This is the End? Yes. Holy shit, is he good. I mean, that movie, I ran into what the fuck's his name? Craig Robinson, the other night, at the improv. I was? Craig Robinson the other night at the improv. Who's in it? I was telling him, I go, dude, that movie is so goddamn funny.

And you were so funny in it, you know? And we were talking about the Kenny Power scene. Like when he comes in. I mean, like the movie's outstanding. And then he comes in and just the whole thing goes to this whole new level of craziness. He's hilarious, man. This guy's hilarious. I love that character.

Kenny Powers? That really cocky, fucking complete idiot character, but just subtle enough of an idiot that liked that kind of shit. You know, I'm not going to be around a lot,

so it's important that he has a strong role model. He doesn't grow up to be a pansy. He's such a buffoon. It's so fucking funny. Those kind of characters are really funny, man.

You know the best part about that character? I read interviews with him and the other guys, Jody Hill and Ben, I can't remember his name, but they all are behind this. And they're saying how a lot of people appreciate the character and think it's funny for what it is. And then some people are big fans on another level where they're like, yeah, he's right. Like, Cain Powers is, that's how I think, too. Like, they're that kind of fan where they're like, fuck yeah, man.

That's exactly how I am. We're fucking Americans, man. That's who we are. 100%. Tired of this bullshit. Getting a wolf from my kid, too. He's a fucking badass. You know your shit, Kenny.

Yeah, it's annoying if that dude's your fucking neighbor, but on TV, they're awesome. Awesome. Yeah. Fucking phenomenal. But it's almost better than a reality show. Because of a reality show, like if you had a guy like Kenny Powers, you gave him a reality show, he would become famous and he would get annoying. Like, essentially, that's what you got with the Duck Dynasty people.

You got a reality show where, oh, whoopsops you made someone famous who's a fucking idiot and a homophobe yeah and he will i don't get it why would a man choose a man's they're not choosing dummy you know but now this guy's on tv he's famous and then you look on facebook and you got all these knuckleheads with their fucking what about freedom of speech you know i support duck dynasty and the fourth amendment whatever whatever amendment it is. First Amendment. Bitch, you didn't read the Constitution. Shut your hole. That show, I'm amazed.

Stupid as fuck. The fact that you're following this family and you feel like this is how they really are, it's all set up. The show is way overproduced. So obvious. All those guys were at AVN even. That was creepy.

They were just hanging out at AVN. They have set up. Duck Dynasty guys. With their duck beards? Yeah. It was really weird. They were at AVN, which is the Porn Awards. Porn Awards.

They were there the weekend. Why were they there? Because that's the cool thing to do if you're the Duck Dynasty guys. So they were there for the whole weekend doing press? No, they were just hanging out. And they were at porn events. So they're normal. They like watching people fuck.

Good for them. I applaud that, but just not men's anuses. It is essentially like a Kenny Powers in real life. That's the problem with them in real life. Right. Yes, exactly. Having a guy like this in a a tv show eastbound and down it's actually even better because it's so good it's better than a reality show sure because a

reality show you'd be making that asshole famous right and there'd be people on facebook i fucking agree with the man yeah i support him i'll fucking support the shit out of him and his right as an american yeah you know these these ideas that what is this this is will farrell and kenny powers will farrell owns a car dealership it's like it's the best fucking shit ever is this uh from eastbound down yeah yeah i need to watch that whole season man i really do but um yeah there's a lot of those people in real life, and sometimes folks, all they need is, like, one example like that, and that'll shift. Like, you could have people on the fence who are just thinking about, like, waking up and going, you know, what do I care if someone's gay, man? What is it in me that gets mad about these gay people, and why do I, you know, say they're going to burn in hell?

Maybe I should just fucking relax. And then they see that guy on TV, and they see he's been kicked off TV. off tv you know what that's it i'm fucking headed up to here with these queers my there's a tipping point where a guy like that on a television show and that that whole debate getting out there without any real rational response from either the media from a any from anybody no no one like gets on tv and says look, we're here to make a big statement about this. This is what's wrong with this, and this is why we have a problem with it. It's not about freedom of speech. It's not about speaking your mind.

It's about what's on your mind, man. What is on your mind? Your mind is that they're going to burn in hell? Your mind is some fire and brimstone if someone is in love with another man and marries him? You're an idiot. Okay? You're a dangerous idiot. You're taking people that I know for a fact are born that way.

I'm no scientist, but I know a gay kid in my neighborhood. He's five. He's fucking gay. Okay? There's nothing wrong with that, but he's gay. This kid's gay. His parents are trying to get him to play football. He doesn't want to have nothing to do with football.

He's always dressing up in dresses. He puts girls' clothes on. He plays with football. He's always dressing up in dresses. He puts girls' clothes on. He plays with dolls. He's a gay kid, okay? He likes boys. It's the weirdest thing to see from the jump. But his parents are very supportive. You know, I mean, they wanted him to try boy things.

He's not really into it. But there's no hate going on. So he's going to be okay. They haven't tried beating him out of him yet? No. But what happens if a kid like that is watching television and he realizes he's gay and, you know, maybe he's 12 or 13 and he's thinking about sex and he's watching this and he feels horrible about himself. Which he probably does because that definitely happened, you know. Right.

Over nothing. Over something he can't control. Yeah. Over something he's born with. That's why it's dangerous. It's just as dangerous as being critical about people for a bunch of other things they can't control. It's just as dangerous as being racist. People don't understand that. They don't see it that way. But a person, I don't know why anybody would want to choose to hang out with a black man over hanging out with a white man.

I mean, I just don't get it. There's more there. That's the same statement. It's the same statement. It really is. There's no difference, man. That's the parallel when people talk about like, oh, you know, it's not the same thing you've been through and are like comparing the civil rights movement to this. But like what you're, the thing that's similar is that you're just, you're trying to put down and isolate a group of people for something that they can't control because you don't want any part of that. So that's the parallel is that, you know, whether you don't want to hang around or you want to put down black people or Asian people or whoever it may be, that's the same thing as putting down somebody and not wanting them to have the rights just because they were born with a certain sexual

orientation. That's the parallel. Well, people don't want anyone to make the comparisons to civil rights. They don't want anyone to be able to compare to slavery. Yeah, because then they're like, oh, we really are wrong. Well, no, because what I'm saying is people, like civil rights people don't like it because they feel that it somehow or another diminishes the horrors of slavery. Like there's an issue that people have with like comparing something to racism, you know, and black people in particular have an issue with gay people comparing themselves and the plight of gay americans to racism i've seen it i've heard people like scream and yell about it about it's not the same

and fuck you and you know and yeah and gay some people gay is a choice i've seen a lot of weirdness almost as if it they're worried that it somehow another diminishes what's horrible about slavery which is ridiculous slavery was horrible still is racism was horrible still is but so is homophobia that's just as horrible yeah like but the people that think it's not it's just because you're not gay it's that simple if that was who you are and people were angry about who you are, it would be just as bad as you being born Chinese

and people hate Chinese people. And you're like, what the fuck, man? I didn't do anything. You hate me because of the way I was born? Yeah. It's the same goddamn thing.

You know, and the idea is, well, yeah, would nobody ever own gay people? But they killed them. It's in the Bible. It's in the Bible that you should be put to death

for lying with another man. You don't think that they've been persecuted? There's a hundred different religions where it's illegal or against their rules to be gay. Yeah. You could start with Islam and work your way up through a bunch of other different ones. Well, there's countries that don't even... Yeah. Russia.

Fucking Russia. Russia. That's insane. Insane. Yeah, that Russia is... You see for this... Yeah. Russia. Fucking Russia. Russia. That's insane. Insane. Yeah, that Russia is... You see for this... They have discriminatory laws against gay people. They do.

I mean... And they... Putin came out, because we were about to have the Winter Olympics there, and said that, like, gay athletes have nothing to worry about. Like, they're not going to be discriminated against when they're in the in russia for the winter olympics but um you know like rules still apply where like you're you you the you're not supposed to be talking about it to anybody and giving your opinions on so like we're not going to do anything to you because you're gay and you're here but don't be talking about it yeah and stay away from kids and stay

away from kids which is the most yeah yeah that was the crowd that's the part that i didn't mention that's a big whoa it's a big whoa yeah i mean look they are fostering an environment of hate and fear we should look at that very carefully as as people that understand human nature okay let's look at what you would want if you were trying to dominate a nation and control it in a sort of a dictatorship form. Yeah. Which is essentially what Putin's got going on there. Yeah. I mean, say he was voted in or what.

The guy's not going anywhere if he gets voted out, you know? I mean, he left his term, put in someone who worked for him, and then took over again after that guy was gone. I mean, he's running Russia, okay? Yeah, definitely. The way to run, the way to be a dictator, the way to run an empire is through fear, through control and fear. And as many enemies as you have that you have to protect the people from, the better. And so one of the things that dictators do is they start pushing people against other people. If you can get people to be interconflicted amongst the ranks of the normal civilians, you can guarantee that they're going to be busy.

They're going to have conflict. They're not going to be able to deal with taxes or the rules or the military choices the military is making. They're so busy with their own shit, worried about these people going after this group and this ethnic group going after that group and the gays are going to touch their kids. I mean, there's...

And then, you know, fostering violence against gay people is going gonna foster anger from gay people against straight people I mean, it's there's a blowback on both sides. They get you guarantee conflict Yeah, it's so it's so it guarantees that comedy is so crazy Outrageous to you know suggest like imply that gays will want children, you know Yeah, it's almost like he's trolling yeah like the idea that they're not you know adults with natural you know sexual behavior just happens to be through a different group but that they would be not be able to control themselves yeah and be uh attracted to

it's so stupid crazy it's so crazy and so stupid. I think a thing, by the way, about why you say black people sometimes get more fired up about the comparison is, in my experience, a lot of black people, they come from really Christian homes. They're more intolerant towards gay people a lot of times. The ones who come from really Christian homes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Well, that's what happened with Proposition 8 in California. I mean, that was a real embarrassment where they repealed gay people's right to marry. And that was an embarrassment.

And a disproportionate amount of black people voted for that. Yeah. It was a weird number it was like over 50 but i think even like outside of the christian homes you would find i think in a lot a lot of cases uh more uh homophobia in the black community i think it exists more that's so weird yeah i do i think it does how much black work have you done? I'm very, I can dance. I can do a lot of things. I'm saying that like, you know, black people are 13% of our population. And all I'm saying is that I think a bigger percentage of the population is homophobic.

I'm getting it from just having spoken and been exposed to a lot of black people. What's amazing, apparently, a lot of these African-American churches, they organize drives to vote against Proposition 8. But I was saying that the church community is bigger in black culture. That's a bigger thing. And I think that they're pretty openly, most of the time that it's bad, you know, gays are bad. So I think that that kind of breeds that homophobia more in that community. I'm not saying that all black people are homophobic or that they're all preaching that and all doing that. I'm saying that I think that exists more in that culture, in that community. That's interesting. There's not just that, but Mormons also spend a lot of money. Mormons very much.

I think a lot of people have given the credit to the Mormons for defeating that Prop 8, right? Yeah. Well, they put a lot of money into it, apparently. A lot of money, yeah. Which is, I had a joke about it in Talking talking monkeys in space oh yeah about about um that mormons should be afraid of gay people because if you're dumb enough to be a mormon yeah that's right that was really much someone could talk you to being a mormon they could talk you in the sock of their day yeah it's just it's just a matter of how much time they spend with you yeah then you break down

the the whole you know what, what Mormonism is. Which is like, right, isn't it? The guy was like, no, I got all the rules. They gave them to me. But, you know, what's interesting is that this also becomes another point of contention. Because now black people are being persecuted by gay people. Right. I mean, it puts this weird thing.

So it's another battle taking place. Yeah, I mean, I don't believe in those kind of conspiracies necessarily that, like, the whole social structure of this country is organized. Keep people poor so there's conflict and keep people rich so they keep voting for corporations and they want to protect their wealth. Yeah. And keep the divide between the two.

And every now and then you know organize chaos in a way that we were sort of kind of hinting that maybe putin or someone does but if you're going to do it this is the way to do it yeah the way to do it is to to take like what's your ordinary like liberals okay let's let's break down liberals liberals like left wing they're almost always voting pro-minority they vote pro-minority and almost always pro-gay rights so what better to separate that mess and and and cause confusion amongst the ranks is to get those two factors on your enemy these two like static constant factors and have them duking it out right so now you have people who support gay rights and people that support the idea that gays should be married, duking it out with black people, with minorities and Christian minorities who almost universally vote Democratic.

So it's like, whoa, that's a tricky thing you did there. Oh, right. Because by causing trouble between those groups of people, you essentially weaken the entire party. And that's what happens if you if you connect black people and gay people that black people keep gay people from voting the whole left wing becomes a fucking mess right becomes chaos because white guilt runs rampant through through the left like through like democrats like yeah so many especially educated democrats who are filled

with white guilt and they don't want to come down on black people and they don't want to come down on black people, even for something as heinous as Proposition 8. Because Proposition 8 was being supported by a bunch of church going white people much more, like it was being read, you know, strictly by Baptists, but white Baptists. and there was all these white Baptist leaders on TV talking, you would marginalize them as fools, as buffoons. They would joke about them. But people weren't doing that about black people. It was this weird, sort of

touchy subject. Tough to do. You didn't see people mocking all these black people, whether it's on The Daily Show or whether it's on any of these left-wing websites We're mocking black people for for the majority of them voting for this, right? Yeah, you didn't you didn't see that No, it's true. It's the whole the whole thing. It gets very tricky. Yeah, there's um, it's interesting too like

You know, the big thing now is is for the last few years people trying to figure out, you know how the republican party can um really compete again when the uh when the white house and when certain other elections and one of the things that keeps being brought up is that the younger there's there's certain like um constants right among the left and the right like if you go abortion like you know who's pro-life who's pro-choice and when with the the gay thing is that the far right won't let you know support that right they're not going to support it but the younger generation of new voters even ones who are conservative have conservative values grew up in a world where it's more welcoming to the gay community. And they're not necessarily, like moderate ones can be, I tell you, you're always going to try

to win over, right? Somebody who can, not an extremist. They're leaning left now, younger voters, because of some of these extreme constants. And so it's like, if that party, the right could embrace something like that, would that even the playing field for them? I think it most certainly would. Yeah. And would they then be able to compete more for these maybe younger voters that, you know, the more open-minded young people who feel like that's a basic right. It's kind of an interesting way to look at it. Like if you change your position on that, do you then get somebody who you want elected? You get a lot of the no nonsense people that just happened to vote left because of social issues, right? You would get those. And that's, that's a pretty substantial number. 70% of black people voted in favor for proposition eight.

70% of people of black people voted that gay people shouldn't be allowed to be married and that they should take that right away from them that's incredible yeah that's incredible that's fucking gross that's gross and terrifying it's funny because i'm reading an article on huffington post stop blaming california's black voters for proposition eight that's what it says yeah okay don't blame them because it's a lot of other people voted for it as well. But if you don't think that it's embarrassing and gross that 70% of black people voted for some silly law that takes away the right for people that are in love to get married, I think maybe it is because, I mean, obviously it's religious.

That's the big thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's the big thing. Maybe it's like black dudes just don't want to get married at all. They're like, man, fuck this. That's the big thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's the big thing. Maybe it's like black dudes just don't want to get married at all. They're like, man, fuck this. No one should get married. Let's stop it with gay people.

If less of them get married, less of us have to get married, let's cut the shit. That's the black agenda. I'm tired of divorce, dude. Let's end marriage, man. Tired of divorce. I don't know.

It's just how people are raised. I think so. That's all it is. I mean, people change later on in life. If you're young, you think a certain way. And then some of those people will be converted to thinking differently with time. You can have your own ideas in this life. You can have your own thoughts and you can have your own unique point of view.

The real problem is when your ideas start fucking with other people's lives for no reason when your ideas are based on just some shit that you believe that's 2 000 plus years old that no look if you want to believe like the gay thing in the bible man you're really cherry picking because there's a lot of other shit in there too along with gay people like you're not supposed to wear two different types of clothes like you're not supposed to wear like silk and cotton that's like punishable by you know sins upon your life or smash your hand with rocks i mean there's some some great old you know sayings that they used to say but one of them is like you threaten with death if you rend your clothes, if you tear your clothes. So like people who have like holes where their knees are and shit like that, fashion.

In the Bible, you're supposed to die for that. You're supposed to be put to death for that. Man, there's some neighborhoods we could really wipe out right now. Go in there and clean house. You're gone, Silver Lake. Yeah. Well, Silver Lake doesn't do that anymore. They have a new fashion?

Yeah, they're all cardigans now right oh shit maybe like all hipsters here's 19 things the bible forbids other than homosexuality I put this on twitter the other day because it's just it's so fucking silly here's the exact quote in Leviticus

uncover not your heads neither rend your clothes yet ye die and lest wrath come upon all the people. Okay. So if you don't uncover not your heads, which means don't uncover your head, keep your head covered. Got it. Okay. If you don't keep your head covered, that means you're going to die and wrath will come upon all the people.

So everyone not wearing a hat, you fucked us up. Imagine if that was the key, that all we had to do was all wear hats and God was like, good, peace on earth. I love hats.

I wrote that shit down a long time ago. You motherfuckers didn't listen. Everyone's caught up in this gay shit. I want hats. I want fucking everyone wearing a hat.

Wear a hat. By God, God's orders are wear Kangols. I got stock in that company. It's like God's hair nut. Like if you work at a restaurant, you have to wear a hair nut By God, God's orders are wear Kangols. I got stock in that company. It's like God's hair nut. Like if you work at a restaurant, you have to wear a hair nut. Yeah, exactly. God's like, you don't wear hats, you fuck.

Make a soup over here, man. Make no mistake, folks. I'm not paraphrasing. I'm directly quoting this from the English translation of the Bible. Uncover not your heads. Jesus. Maybe it meant your other head. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe it keeps your dick covered. They didn't call that a head back then. They it meant your other head. Yeah, maybe. Maybe it keeps your dick covered, but they didn't call that a head back then. They called it a mushroom cap. They thought it was a mushroom. Yeah. Yeah, you're not supposed to trim your beard, by the way. Neither shall thou mar the corners of thy beard. Oh.

How come they're not going crazy about that? The President of the United States has clearly sha shaving his beard Death will come upon us It's not convenient So fucking stupid You know what's even more stupid? Really religious people with religious tattoos

Because that's in the Bible too, fuckface You're not supposed to get tattoos Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh For the dead Nor print any marks upon you I am the Lord Cs in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you. I am the Lord. Cuts in your flesh for the dead. Like instead of like marking, like a picture of your mom.

Like Eddie Bravo's got a, Kat Von D did a tattoo of his grandma on his chest. It's beautiful. And it reminds him of his grandma. Against the Bible! Death. Yeah, man. You're not supposed to, I mean, that's essentially what it is.

You print something on you. So if we followed all the rules of the Bible, it would just be like a murderous rampage constantly. We would be so fucked. Slaughtering everybody. Everyone would be fucked. Well, how about every Catholic would burn at the stake?

Okay? You'd all die in hell. Because you're not supposed to drink wine in church. Alright? You're not supposed to do that. It says in the Bible, Leviticus 10.9, Do not drink wine, nor strong drink, though... This is so weird. Nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die. Okay, so what that means is you drink wine in church, you die. But everybody

drinks wine in church! Part of the Holy Sacrament. Was there even a quote that he said, like, I don't even want you to make a church, I'd rather you... Yes, well that was Jesus. See, the Jesus stuff is very, it's much different. The Jesus stuff... The Jesus stuff is very different because Jesus and most of what a lot of people quote about that is all from the New Testament. And the New Testament is even sketchier than the Old Testament. The Old Testament is sketchy because it was originally written in ancient Hebrew. And the oldest versions of some of these stories are actually the Dead Sea Scrolls, which are written in Aramaic.

And they're actually on animal skins that they found in an area of Israel called Qumran. And they found these clay pots and inside these clay pots, they found these ancient, ancient scrolls. And some of them are so fucked up that they have to piece them together with like tweezers and they have to, and they've spent years and years and years and years deciphering these things, man. And you know, you can see them online, actually. They have photos. Let me see. I think there's a website, Dead Sea Scrolls Online. But that's the only version of the Bible that's in Aramaic. Yeah, Dead Sea Scrolls Online, it's actually DSS.

The website is dss.collections.img.org. Just look up Dead Sea Scrolls Online and Google it. Get a new address. Yeahections.img.org just look up dead sea scrolls online a new address yeah that shit's ridiculous well it's some academic but you can read these scrolls like click on each one brian and you can actually get an image of the actual scroll itself and uh all that stuff's on animal skins so this is in aramaic which is the only version of the Bible I think that they know of that's in Aramaic. So all this shit that we're reading here is the stuff that's from

essentially the oldest stories of the Bible. The New Testament was actually commissioned by Constantine, the Roman Emperor Constantine. There's big chunks missing from this. So it could be like a word that says don't instead of do it. Well, it's clearly

they don't have the full work, but it's pretty amazing that they even have that because this is thousands and thousands and thousands of years old and it's made out of an animal skin. I mean, it's really pretty incredible that it exists at all. I mean, even if it's only pieces of it, but it's so cool

that they found this shit in clay pots. And these, of course, were stories that were told in like an oral tradition for a thousand years before anybody figured out how to write them down. But then you're dealing with the New Testament, which was Constantine and a bunch of bishops put together. So it's much more recent. They actually know who the people were who put it together. And it was all like way after Jesus was dead. Isn't that crazy though? When you think about like, when you really stop and think about the fact that like some dudes put this, wrote this down. Not just some dudes, but an emperor who clearly wanted to convert all of his people to Christianity to control them. But that we still are like well This is this yeah, we got a follow

Well the dude Constantine didn't even get baptized until like right before he died like you know I mean, I think you know he had to get baptized so the next people could say no no we got him He's good. You know stay Christian everyone stays Christian Yeah, because if he dies and he's not baptized you have to admit to the entire world that this guy You know somehow or another is going to hell. The guy who converted everybody to Christianity, ran the Roman Empire that way, and hired all these bishops to put together the Bible. That's where the New Testament comes from.

So when you're dealing with the New Testament, you're dealing with an even squirrelier piece of work. Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, what dubious fucking origins. Like, you're telling me Constantine's got a direct line to God? Some murderous Roman Empire guy? He's got a direct line to God? Bitch.

Get out of here. Just get the fuck out of here. Get my face right. The oldest, oldest shit is ridiculous. The newer, older shit is ridiculous. Yeah. If there was no Bible at all, man, somebody would try to make one up. Of course.

Some dude would be right now writing it. Do you ever think about, you know how every year or a few years a story will come about where a guy's like, I'm Christ, like I'm Jesus Christ, I'm back. Yeah. And then, you know, whatever, he'll fucking die in a bullet shootout or some shit or get arrested. Do you ever think about the fact that like 2,000 years ago somebody could have been like, I'm God god and that that's that guy it's just that happened long ago and nothing happened of course if you just if you

just really good at it yeah you could dominate a huge group of people and by the way you could also have some really cool shit to say as well as being a fucking nut you know like deepak chopra like deepak chopra we're talking about him onNA. He's got some really cool shit to say. He's a silly man. He says a lot of silly shit. Like, I used to be an atheist until I realized I was God. That was one of his quotes. Because we're all God?

Is that that kind of thing? What the fuck ever? Shut up. You're not God. Turn some water into wine. You can't do it? Shut your mouth. We're all God.

You're God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. That's silly. Shut your mouth. Don't say shit like that. It's stupid. It makes people marginalize you Marginalizes the whole idea of universal consciousness when you talk in such fucking vague and silly terms. Well Joseph. Oh, we're all God

Oh, please go on go on with your Gucci sunglasses Relation theory your God though if that was true. Well a simulation theory. No, you're part of a program And you are you're running this program somehow or another in the background that's the simulation theory is not that you're you're thinking of like the secret more you're thinking instead of simulation theory you think of the power of suggestion or the power of positive thinking or the idea i was thinking of me somewhere in the future just sitting there watching myself sleep or you know like uh i'm the one that started the program and I'm kind of playing a game right now of my, of me right here. You know what I mean?

I don't think anybody thinks that. I think that. That you created this whole thing. I think that somewhere in the future I'm sitting here doing a simulation of myself. Well, I don't think people think that they created it. I think most people think that it's just something that's running that you're a part of. But if you think that you actually created it itself, why don't you know

how to create anything now? How come you're not a computer programmer? You lost all that knowledge in the simulation? No, because this me is just a program. So you, it's like you can marginalize yourself in your computer program. So you could be like some super genius who knows all and say, I'm going to give myself limited

knowledge and information in this life. It's a realistic simulation. As a goof, to make life more difficult, I'm going to make myself really dumb and lazy. And I'm going to give myself a club foot. And I'm going to give myself one hand that works, another hand that's like semi-paralyzed from birth. It's so crazy. We're all doing it.

We're all creating our own universe and just some people did a really shitty job of designing themselves. No, that's just to make it look realistic. You have to have like legless people around there. Okay, so they're not you, so they're not real. Right, right. That's Melissa Etheridge type thinking.

Is that what she thinks? Melissa Etheridge says that she gets on an airplane. She's really happy for all the other people on the airplane because she knows that airplane's not going to crash because she's on it because she's sort of creating her world. That's awesome. The power of suggestion. I'm really, really proud of her.

I love it. What about, well, maybe she's right. Here's the thing. It's so easy to goof on her or anybody who thinks that way, but we can't prove that's not the case. We can't. We can't, we can't prove what, what kind of power your consciousness has over the world itself. We assume there's a lot of random factors that come into play in life, whether it's with car accidents or meteor impacts or, you know, disease, you know, name, you know, name it, fill in the, fill in the blank,

but we don't know that and there's a lot of things about being a person that are very strange there's a lot of things about our interactions with each other about energy about the the amount of energy you put out and what you get back the way you interact with humans and how do we not know that those things in some way or another the way you interact with people flavor not just your relationships with those people, but the entire reality that you live in? It's very possible that there's more flexibility and that the world is more malleable than we think it is. And that we have everything defined in terms of what something weighs or how much distance this is but these are just sort of crude static factors in a constantly changing and moving world and the human mind interacting

with that world might be might be much more significant than we think it is and it's one of the reasons why these ideas of quantum entanglement become so strange when you find out about these theories of quantum mechanics and quantum become so strange, when you find out about these theories of quantum mechanics and quantum physics and string theory and super particles in superposition where they're moving and not moving at the same time, things blinking in and out of existence.

So the lowest measurable portion of the universe that we can find, the lowest measurable, like the smallest, tiniest thing, it's magic. It's all magic. When you get into quantum mechanics look when you get into quantum mechanics when you get into string theory subatomic particles when you get into like really complex mathematics and and and different experiments they do on the smallest

tiniest measurable parts of the world it's all magic it's all empty space i mean atoms are mostly empty space inside these subatomic particles, they're moving and they're still. At the same time, they blink in and out of existence. They go somewhere and they disappear and then they come back. We have no idea where they go. We just know they go somewhere. They exhibit magic. The lowest measurable part of the universe itself is magic

The smallest portions that we can measure are magic So just because everything is big and this table is made out of oak and this microphone is metal That that doesn't mean shit I mean it means shit if I hit you over the head with this is gonna fucking hurt because that's the rules we've chosen But the the actual reality itself It's very malleable. There's a lot of weirdness to the world. I don't think Melissa Etheridge is totally right. I think there's a lot of hubris involved in thinking that you have the answer and that you, you thinking good thoughts and you know, this plane

is never going to crash. I don't, I don't believe that. I mean, this is coming from also from a person who suffered from cancer. So it's like, it's like, I don't, you know, I don't, I think, who suffered from cancer. So it's like, I don't, you know, I think it's a self-serving philosophy to think that way. You might be right, but to say you're right, I think, is crazy. Yeah, and you can't dictate. I mean, I think positive thinking is a good thing, too. It's not all safe because you walked in the room.

But it might be. That's what's fucked. It might not be. Might be, meaning it might be because it's her or it might because it because of anybody anybody Anybody who thinks a certain way anybody who lives their life with it sounds like bullshit But you trust me and people are going crazy right now listening to this. I agree with you. It sounds like bullshit Most likely it's not true, but it might be true We can't prove that it's not we don't know all of the interactions that the human mind

and consciousness have on the universe itself. We don't know. We assume that it's simple as you are responsible for your life. You're responsible for your actions. You're responsible for where you drive and where you go to school and what comes out of your mouth. We assume that that is just a part of the mathematical interaction of human beings in this culture, in this society, in this civilization. But we're not totally sure. It is possible that your thinking and that your mind itself might affect reality because the reality that you see and the reality that I see is just what's in front of us. We assume that this is constantly going on behind the scenes yeah we assume you assume that when you go to home when you uh you go home and sit in front of the tv you assume i exist right until i text you you don't know for sure until you call me or we meet and we we high five and get on a

plane go go tell some jokes we don't know that that we exist right we just assume based on the evidence that i've accumulated when when uh i go home I assume that you Tommy Buns live your life. But I don't know what the fuck you do. Right. The whole thing could be a joke. My life could be non-real. In your world, I could be just what happens when you come around the program that is Joe Rogan. Right.

I might not be real. You leave this room and you go out and this whole thing might shut down. And the only time it turns on is when you're watching. Sort of like the difference between particles being observed and not being observed. They exhibit different behavior because they're interacting with whatever the fuck it is that measures them. It all goes back to reality is what you make of it. Maybe. Well, maybe. it maybe you know you know well maybe but I mean it you know you can really if

you dick if you decide to live your life within that thought that reality is what I make of it you know you dictate everything you know in a lot of ways yeah a lot of ways you do you know when people die they always say they see the light and they always see I you know would they come back to life when they die they always see the light they always see like i saw my family was all there and it was all cloudy people were smoking weed yeah what if what if uh what if that was just you waking up going oh yeah this was a whole program that i did and my family's here and we're all just well that's a joke that i used to do right about the aliens about like well that's what the the simulation theory what it

really is the reason why aliens exist That's us aliens are us in the future and what we are is we're people that fucked up and we evolved too far We we eliminated all the fun out of the world we eliminated Sex blowjobs muscle cars cigarettes we exhibit we took out whiskey we eliminated all human conflict And what we're what are we left with we're left with boring bullshit we don't have bodies with these weird stick bodies anymore we don't have dicks we somewhere along the line people realize that dicks and vaginas are causing huge fucking problems girl there's there's too many women out there that are getting pregnant to keep a man there's

too many men out there that are raping there's too much nonsense there's too many people that are having babies that really don't support these children correctly. And so sex and sexual urges being what's responsible for breeding, we got to, we got to factor that out. We got to take that out of the equation. So one day they, they got everything like changed and evolved to a point where they eliminated all the, the variables in the world. They eliminate, they have too much power and they eliminated all the variables in the world. They have too much power, and they eliminated sex and emotions. And we don't like it. So we plug ourselves in to a simulated version

of the roaring 20s of the digital age. It's not a coincidence that we are, at this moment in time, the craziest moment the world has ever known, where the world and the universe is constantly changing every second of every day. It's not a coincidence at all. In fact, this is what we asked for. We asked to be born in this time. We, we right now, I mean, I said this on stage, uh, Friday night, but I, I, I believe it. We live in the greatest time to be alive ever.

This is the strangest, wildest, most possibility-filled time in life. There's so many things going on constantly. There was something in the news today that the first monkeys were born that altered the genetics of them. I'll pull it up on Twitter. I'll pull it up on Twitter because this is such a strange, strange scientific experiment. And people, when I posted it, everybody was like, wait a minute, isn't this how fucking Planet of the Apes got started? But it is how Planet of the Apes got started.

These idea, first monkeys with customized DNA, programmed genetic mutations. So they are programmed genetic mutations. So there are programmed genetic mutations, and these monkeys were born. So they're working on creating a perfect monkey. They're going to alter the genes of these monkeys, and they're going to continue to alter genes of the monkeys until essentially they have a monkey that's as smart as a fucking person. Really? Or a monkey that has a giant dick,

or a monkey that grows wings and flies like a bat. This program's in place? This is something that's being done? The monkeys are born. These monkeys are born. We live in a fantastic time. And the idea being that what the aliens are, when everybody has these archetypal experiences, it's always these things that look very similar to what you would expect human

beings to eventually become. If you go back to the lower hominids, you go back to monkeys, you go back to chimpanzees, you go back to the great apes, and you look at them in comparison to us, what do you see? Well, they have more hair. They look much stronger. They're much more physically fit. You take the average person that say works in an office the average man and you compare them to the the great apes they're all fat and they're they're skinny they have no muscle like what is going to be next what's going to be next well what's going to be next is that we're going to continue the trend to not need brawn to not need biological strength the brains are going to get bigger. Telekinesis, the ability to control things with the mind,

the ability to talk without using language so the mouth is going to shrink up. The environment's going to be all fucked, so you're going to have to need built-in sunglasses. You've got these fucking gigantic black eyes that are going to evolve because we're going to ruin our fucking atmosphere. I mean, they literally are what we'd expect us

to look like a million years from now. We would expect human beings to slowly but surely evolve into that. If we used to be hairy little furry rodents, which is what we were, the idea of, you know, there was no primates 65 million years ago, okay? When the great extinction event happened that killed off the dinosaurs, the giant piece of rock from the sky that hit the Yucatan, there was no primates. Primates somehow or another evolved out of that,

out of the shrews and the monkey and the rats and whatever the fuck survived, whatever mammalian life form survived. It's so crazy to think of. That's only 65 million years ago, man. That's as far back as we know for sure. There was no people, no way, no how, and it's a blink of an eye.

In terms of the universe, it's a blink of an eye that's in in terms of the universe it's a blink of an eye 65 million years ago yeah so we're so positive that things got wiped out at 65 million years ago so positive so positive that's when the dinosaurs died off so from then on somehow or another people were created that's nothing yeah that's a goddamn blink of the eye and if you look at how much different we look than the early monkeys what what's next yeah this is aliens is next that's next it's 100 next that's what you would think if we're going to continue this trend of no hair hair hair loss on the arms and the body people are getting less hairy people are getting less strong they're getting smaller you're using your fingers and eventually going to use google glasses so you're just going to talk to it

eventually it's going to be able to read your mind so you don't have to talk your fucking vocal cords are going to shrink up we're going to all agree to genetically alter ourselves so we don't have penises anymore as soon as they come up with a fucking thing that you can program into that takes you on a wild sexual ride of simulation that you could never achieve with your actual real dick you'd be like i don't need this stupid thing anymore right your dick is going to be just as dumb as a horse. Your dick is going to be like something that you're like, remember when people used to fuck with dicks?

You're going to laugh about it. Just like when sending a fucking pigeon with a note wrapped around its leg. Why would I do that when I can text you? You wouldn't. You wouldn't. But what about the actual having the writing in your hand? Get the fuck out of here. The dude will send me a selfie with a big smile and a thumbs up

and it gets to me in one second. Yeah. I have to rely on some stupid pigeon. That's going to be what sex becomes. Sex is going to become some silly thing that we don't need to do anymore because we're going to have some integrated pleasure system that's in our mind

where we're going to be able to just go. Get that release. You're going to be able to fuck anyone you want, man. You're going to be able to have insane sex with Christie Brinkley when she was 21. You're going to be able to fuck anyone you want, man. You're going to be able to have insane sex with Christy Brinkley when she was 21. You're going to be able to fuck the hottest woman on the planet. You're going to be able to have sex with a hundred Beyonce's in a room. The whole Wu-Tang Clan is going to suck your dick.

Whoever you want. You're going to literally be able to do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. Once they figure out, look at this Oculus Rift thing. What we're seeing when we see oculus rift is like the first photograph do you ever see those like first photographs where they used to have like a thing they would throw like a tent over their back they'd be hiding in this box you know like you ever see the really old cameras the way they oh right yeah yeah they would throw like a towel over the top of their head that's right and they would point this thing and everybody

had to stay still for like a minute. Yeah. Instead of sit there. Don't fucking move. Don't fucking move. Yeah. That's what we're seeing with Oculus Rift. What do you think physically will be the evolutionary change of humans? They'll shrink? Yeah.

You think we're shrinking? Well, we're eventually going to get to the point where we don't need, well, people are getting bigger now, but that's because of protein. Right. Protein intake because people understand diet better. And as far as athletes, you got, you're dealing with hormonal manipulation, growth hormone, testosterone. You're also dealing with massive scientific advances in strength and conditioning training. And then also there's some selective breeding, big people dating big people.

Is that Christy Brinkley? Yes. This is her today. 60. She's jamming. You got to see her moving around, too. It's not an illusion. It's not an illusion created by the photograph.

I mean, she definitely looks like an older, mature woman, but I would send it home. I would send it home. She's 60? Yep. Send it home. I'd have to be real careful because I am a fucking animal. You know what I'm saying, bud? You think it'd hurt her?

Yeah. You know what I'm saying, bud? Got that hip strength hurt her? Yeah. Yeah, I'm saying, bud. Got that hip strength. Yeah. Got lower back muscles. They're thick. They're cords. Hip kettlebell swings.

All that shit, son. All right. I do a lot of those. I do a lot of those. Do it with Christy. Oh, shit. But they're going to get to a point where you're going to be able to reverse aging. That's unquestionably, they're working on that.

And they're already doing tests on that and they're they're already like doing tests on that on on other animals i feel like this path is going to lead us to just be born and just lay down with a fucking monitor in front of us like and just you sip your fucking nutrients and it's up and never stand up and just plug into whatever you want to be we're going to get our nutrients the same way those wireless pads are. When you take one of those new cell phones where you get to sit it on something and it just charges. You don't even have to plug it in. That's how we're going to get our nutrients.

Our nutrients are going to be delivered through our car seats. As we drive to work, we're going to get nutrients. You're going to drive to work naked and the nutrients are going to just be absorbed by your body skin. I mean, why not your skin? I mean, you rub testosterone cream on. Sure. Testosterone cream absorbs right through your skin. They're going to fuck.

And you're going to be able to sit in your little Honda on your way to work. And your car is going to feed you. I believe it. No shitting. No farting. No farting. Yeah. And if you want to feel like a Henry VIII orgy of food and big fucking turkey legs you just program

that program punching that program and take you on a journey to henry of the eighth land you'll you'll dine at a gigantic oak table with enemy heads hanging from the fucking ceiling it's pretty awesome to think of like all the world you could create and just jump into it in a second it's coming dude yeah we just we are just so comfortable with the world that we live in now. It seems so normal to us. But you have a lamp on your table over there. You got a goddamn lava lamp sitting next to you. This weird gooey shit is bouncing up and down.

Someone figured out a way to have electricity, the shit that creates lightning, come through the walls in these weird pipes. Yeah. You got the wrong one there, silly face. You can't see it.

Push that in front of the, push that in front of the salt lamp. Pull that thing over so people can see what we're talking about. Grab the bottom of it. Grab the bottom of it. Here?

Yeah. Watch out, it's gonna fall. It's not gonna fall. Look at that thing. If you brought that thing back in time, if you brought that thing, just a simple-ass stupid lava lamp, if you brought that back in time

and showed someone from King Arthur's time, they'd kill you. Definitely. Shit their pants and then kill you. Sorcery! Yeah. My lord! Yeah.

There's electricity in the walls. There's lightning in the walls! We're going to die! You're going to die. Stick a fork in's electricity in the walls There's lightning in the walls We're going to die You're going to die Stick a fork in that hole in the wall And you're dead Every person has a hole in their house When you stick a fork in

You're dead Yeah Isn't that crazy isn't it It's ridiculous We might not die You might just get really fucked up I got lucky as a kid I stuck a key into an outlet

Oh my god And I don't know how I guess the It had maybe the shut off just get really fucked up. I got lucky as a kid. I stuck a key into an outlet. Oh, my God. And I don't know how. I guess it had maybe the shutoff. Yeah, circuit breakers. Right, but I stuck it in. Oh, my God. Sparks flew out of it.

The key broke in half. The burnt end stayed in. It burned, charred. Jesus. And it broke, and I was just like, I think I fucked up in here. So my parents came in like, ah. I did the same thing, but I took a wire. My idea is it's going to transfer electricity from the top outlet to the bottom outlet.

And so I put it in there. And I remember my dad was watching Incredible Hulk at the time, because that's why I was in the kitchen hiding. And so I put in the wire, sparks, and fire. It felt like it was fire, but I'm sure it was just sparks. If we had done that in the 50s, we'd just be dead probably, right? Well, if you had done that during the days of direct current, it would have been very different. Very different. Yeah.

Do you remember the Thomas Edison experiments they did when Thomas Edison was trying to warn people against the effects of alternating current? They cooked an elephant. of alternating current. They cooked an elephant. They hooked this elephant up to these wires and barbecued this elephant. No. You never seen that? It's pretty crazy.

Thomas Edison, interesting cat, because obviously great genius and inventor and responsible for a lot of pretty incredible things. Yeah. But also was doing battle with the concepts that were being endorsed by other scientists like even nikola tesla who was an alternating current guy he believed in uh alternating current and edison was his whole thing was set up on direct current so if you if you watch it pull that video up because it's it's fucking crazy like this is

again when you think about human beings it's not that long ago man yeah you know. Like this is, again, when you think about human beings, it's not that long ago, man. Yeah. You know? I mean, this is, what was it? 19 what? When did this happen? 1903. 1903.

So this is when people were just starting to figure out what the fuck electricity could do. And they have this elephant chained up. And Thomas Edison's like, look, I'm going to show you guys what happens if you don't fucking listen to me. So he did this just to disprove the other guys. Yes. But watch what he does. They have this thing connected to this and they just charge it up and zap this elephant. Look, he's cooking right now.

Damn, dude. This poor elephant is just standing there and boom, it falls over dead. Ugh. Damn. And that's in your house. That's in your walls. And Edison was trying to let you know, like, listen to me, bitch.

Like, what a crazy fuck that guy is. He didn't just try to prove it with science. Yeah. He said, okay, I'm going to show you. I'm going to take something bigger than you and I'm going to cook it. I'm going to cook it with electricity. In like two seconds.

So that must have been like a huge wave of fear and paranoia after that. Yeah. They cooked a fucking elephant with this new type of electricity. Because in that case, he hooked it up. He cooked it. They covered it with wires.

I mean, they connected it with wires and then fucking just electrocuted the shit out of it jesus christ that was thomas edison could you imagine if in 2014 okay if you know 100 plus years later they they did that do you imagine if someone tried to prove something if they tried to prove you know there's we are on the verge of wireless electricity, ladies and gentlemen, in order to tell you what is wrong with wireless electricity. Here's Marty McFuckface, and Marty McFuckface, the scientist, shows us

here we are in Times Square, ladies and gentlemen. This is an elephant. It is connected to this receiver, and we're going to broadcast wireless electricity to his brain. Watch what happens. This poor elephant, fucking ears stick out, starts bleeding from his eyeballs

and falls face first. PETA would be all over it. Everyone would freak out. That dude would get killed immediately. They would kill him. If they didn't kill him, they would beat him. They would torture him to the end of time. He's an asshole.

You're not even eating an elephant. It's not like a cow that you electrocute it and then you eat it. No, you're just killing it. You're killing it to prove a point. That's just a hundred plus years ago, man. It's really not long ago at all. It's not at all. If you really stop and think about how much different people are, 2003 it was?

Or, well, 1903, really? Yeah, 1903. Think about that. Dude, behaviors change so much. If you measure by decades, it's crazy. How about you measure by movies? When men used to slap women across the face all the time. Slap women, smack! James Cagney. Heroes! Heroes!

Heroes. Heroes used to smack women right across the face, John Wayne style. Get a hold of yourself. Smack, smack. And the woman would just stand there and take it. And then they'd start

making out. That's Sean Connery in that interview talking about, you've seen that, right? Yeah. If she doesn't listen, if she doesn't listen,

smack you around. He was saying that women have a way of getting you to do that. Uh-huh. Dude, you're dating the wrong bitches. Yeah. Smacking them. For sure. You're dating the wrong women. All women don to do that. Uh-huh. Dude, you're dating the wrong bitches. Yeah.

Smacking them. For sure. You're dating the wrong women. All women don't do that. Hell no. You're choosing to date that style of person. Yeah. There were people 200 years ago

that wouldn't cause you to hit them. No. They wouldn't torment you. Not everybody wants to be constantly in conflict. It's such a stupid statement. He's drawn to the conflict. That's why. He's an actor. Yeah. He wants it. As awesome as he is, such a stupid statement. He's drawn to the conflict. That's why.

He's an actor. Yeah, he wants it. As awesome as he is, he's an actor. He's an actor. But he also, you know, he's coming from a different era. For sure. But he looked at, I think that was Barbara Walters. He was like, I'm going to smack you next if you keep that shit up.

Pull that up so we can watch that. It's fucking business in that fucking thing. It's Sean Connery saying you should hit women. I mean, and this happened a long time ago it's probably 20 plus no maybe yeah 25 to 30 years ago i'm guessing obviously not a long time ago in terms of what we've been saying the entire podcast but he's old school dude he's got to be in his late 70s or something by now right yeah but what i'm saying is like you couldn't do that today hell no like the the culture has evolved that's what i, you couldn't do that today. Hell no. Like, the culture has evolved quite a bit. That's what I'm saying. We couldn't do that today.

A few years go by. It's not the worst thing to slap a woman now and then. As I remember, you said you don't do it with a clenched fist. It's better to do it with an open hand. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Yeah.

I didn't love that. I haven't changed my opinion. What did she say? I would love that? Is that what she said? Hold on a second. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Wait a minute. What did she say? First, it's better to do it with an open hand. Yeah. Remember that. Not at all. Is that what she said? Hold on a second. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait a minute. What did she say? First, it's better to do it with an open hand. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Yeah.

I didn't love that. I haven't changed my opinion. I didn't love that. No, I didn't love that. Not at all. You think it's good to slap a woman? No, I don't think it's good. You don't think it's bad, though?

I don't think it's that bad. I think that it depends entirely on the circumstances and if it merits it. What would merit it? if it merits it. What would merit it? Well, if you have tried everything else, and women are pretty good at this, that they can't leave it alone. They don't want to have the last word, and you give them the last word, but they're not happy with the last word. They want to say it again and get into a really provocative situation then

I think it's absolutely right somebody added that in the video yeah that's someone ruined a good interview but the idea behind that is fascinating. Yeah, I mean, all he's really saying is, I don't like a yappy broad. That's really what he's trying to say. Well, you need to break up with him, dude. He's fucking out of his mind. They're not all like that.

So crazy. Not all men are like that, and not all women are like that. You know what's so great about that? The only great thing about that is, you know when you call somebody out? She was calling him out on national television and his uh his defense instincts kicked in or when she said uh she was like he realized they're probably having a nice chat she brings that up and he was like immediately his face changed then he goes yeah i haven't changed my position on that like he was really

like i'm gonna do battle with you now yeah he. He likes conflict. That's a guy who wants to have conflict. Well, I think he's just really confident. And I think he believes in what he's saying. And he thinks that Barbara Walters is trying to catch him and expose that and have him back down. And he's like, I'm not going to back down. I'm not going to back down. Yeah. I date crazy bitches.

And sometimes I have to smack them. Smack them around. But those are the ones I like to fuck. Because they fuck like wild animals. And'm not going to back down. Yeah. I date crazy bitches, and sometimes I have to smack them. Smack them around. But those are the ones I like to fuck, because they fuck like wild animals, and that's what I need in my life. I'm shocked. At 60 years old. They already get my dick hard. He's not very young, exactly.

He's a screaming bitch that lets me send it in. Yeah, no, he's not young at all. Not young, man. No. With some people, the aphrodisiac, the stimulant, is not just sexual. It's not just how the person looks. It's not just being attracted to them. Sometimes it's drama.

There's a lot of people that get sucked up into this idea of fighting and then making up and then to make up sex. Yeah. Super common. Yeah. Because we all have been there before where you break up with someone and you're like, it's over. It's like fucking devastating

and it's heartbreaking. And then one day you run into them and it might be just a month later or two months later or whatever. Maybe you both have dated other people, whatever, and then you hook up. And it's incredible. The sex is incredible.

And you're nice to each other and you're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. And you're like, and it is incredible. And you're nice to each other and you're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. And you're like. And it's incredible. But it's such a heightened type of sex, makeup sex. Because sometimes people need to put things into perspective. They need the benefit of time.

They need the benefit of having all these emotions run through your head, having all these bad feelings, but then having them all slow down and relax, and time puts things into perspective. And then you see each other then, and you're like, oh, what the fuck? And all you can think of then is the good times. It's real hard to think about these really stupid, petty, bad times in relationships

once the relationship is over. You really mostly just think about the good stuff about that person. Right. And so then you start fucking again. Oh, shit. I bet Sean Connery threw his dick around a lot back over time.

But then again, what happens after that? You get fucking tired of each other again. You fall back into your same old ways and you get tired with each other. And how do you fix that, ladies and gentlemen? Marijuana. That's right right smoke some weed and fuck and you appreciate each other like like you just met that's good that's good advice great advice there's no no better like enhancement to sex than marijuana the people who fuck and don't smoke pot, you are missing out on 50% of your sex. Yeah.

You really are. You don't know what you're missing. If I could give you something that's not dangerous and that will make sex 50% better, do you know what that would be worth on the open market? I mean, there's stupid pills that you take that are supposed to make your dick grow that don't do a goddamn thing. There's stupid people out there that are cutting rhino horns off to make their cocks hard. That doesn't work. There's so much money in

enhancing sex. And the number one thing to enhance sex, it just flies under the radar. The one thing that works like a charm. If you are in love or you are in lust or you have someone that you like to fuck, how about that? And that person likes you to fuck them.

Get together and smoke some pot before you do it. Don't get crazy. Don't smoke so much. You're paranoid and you freak out and you can't get it up. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Every touch will feel more spectacular. will feel more spectacular.

You'll feel electricity through fingers. The warmth of your bodies, the sensation will be so pleasurable. People that don't smoke pot and fuck, you're missing out on a giant chunk of what sex is. Yeah, or do it. Smoke and go touch a stranger. Or do mushrooms. You want to go deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep.

Have sex on mushrooms. Never done that. It's crazy. It's like two kaleidoscopes. It's hard to do. Colliding. It's hard to do? It's really hard to do.

I thought, like, I was fucking this really tall girl once, and I was on mushrooms, and I thought she was an alien. I was like, it just might, it just, because you start playing tricks on yourself. Yeah, I don't want to do that. Your eyes play tricks on you and stuff. I don't want to do that. Don't. Don't listen to me.

Don't do it. You won't think you're an. Don't listen to him. You won't think you're an alien. Have you done it with mushrooms? It's crazy. Yeah. Obviously, the way you get affected by mushrooms is different than the way I do. I think everybody's different.

That's one of the weird things about psychedelics or pot or anything. It affects everybody. I've heard people talk about what pot does to them, and I'm like, okay. I don't know what's going on in your head but that's not me yeah shuts me down i just don't want to talk to anybody to sit down it shuts me down all right okay i don't get it but maybe everybody's got their own weird personality trend strand that you you know well i just think there's a lot of uh weird personality

traits you know there's a lot of weird personality traits. You know, there's a lot of weird biological traits. People have a lot of different things going on. It's like people with alcohol. I mean, there's people that are the worst drunks ever, that are super nice people. And then there's also people that they have a couple of drinks and they just become friendlier. Nothing goes wrong at all.

I know. It's really fascinating because I look back,'s like friends that would like want to punch me you know after like a few not because i did something like not every time they drank yeah they were physically violent people like jesus christ and then there's the person who's just like hugging you i love you man but yeah like it's you know they had the same amount of drinks and this is the behavior that comes out yeah it's too bad almost makes you it bums you out, they had the same amount of drinks, and this is the behavior that comes out. Yeah. It's too bad, almost. It makes you, it bums you out. Like, oh, man, you can't drink.

Like, you, really, we can't have you drinking. Yeah. And that's not uncommon. At all. No, no. It's probably, like, one out of 100 people. Yeah. Yeah.

Less than that, I think. I think less, yeah. Yeah. That's like a food allergy, almost. Mm-hmm. Well, that was something that they, another thing that I had up on Twitter today that's pretty fascinating about food allergies. They figured out a way to fix kids' allergies to peanuts. Really?

The DNA of peanut allergic kids changes with immune therapy, study finds. That's cool. And this is on Science Daily. So this is, again, not like a goofy website. It's from Stanford. is on science daily so this is again not like a goofy website it's from stanford and the idea is that treating a peanut allergy with oral immunotherapy changes the dna of the patient's immune cells according to a new study the dna change could serve as the basis for a simple blood test to monitor long-term effectiveness of the allergy therapy that's pretty badass man

there's a lot of fucking foods that people are allergic to. Some people are definitely allergic to shellfish. We had that on Fear Factor. This dude ate some roaches. And roaches are, they have the same enzyme, apparently, as shellfish. So if you're allergic to roaches, or you don't know, if you're allergic to shellfish, you're also allergic to roaches. Really?

Yeah. So this dude went into anaphylactic shock kind of thing? Well, his throat started closing up. Yeah. He was having a hard time breathing. He was swelling. That's what happens. He knew he probably was a shellfish guy, but didn't think about the roach.

Well, we didn't know. Nobody knew. Nobody knew. I mean, it was the early days of Fear Factor. Wow. Yeah. That show is just so lucky that no one died. Yeah.

So lucky. That dude definitely could have if he didn't have right medics around, you know. What are you guys doing over there? What's going on? 70 bags of heroin found in Philip Seymour Hoffman's apartment. Oh, my God. Poor fucker. He just got back on it, right?

Like, a couple years ago? He was, like, really clean for, like, most of his life, and then he just... He had a problem a while ago. Yeah. Then he was clean for a while. And then they talked about him going... I remember reading about him going to get help, like, I want to say within the last year to do something, you know? Like, some type of rehab thing in the last year.

And then, yeah, that's really a bummer, man. Well, the thing about him, too, is he died with a needle in his arm. In his arm, yeah. So he really, he overdid it. Well, he just did it. Yeah. He's not the only one, either, that's dying. Apparently, there's quite a few people who have died in the East Coast.

From heroin? Recently. Yeah, they're thinking there's a bad batch of heroin or a strong batch of heroin or something. Wow. He was so good. Holy shit, was he a talented actor, that guy. Man, unbelievable.

Boogie Nights. Well, I think that some of the people that are able to encapsulate those incredible characters, that are able to fit themselves into those characters, a lot of those people are fucking crazy. Like Robert Downey Jr crazy you know it would go off on wild benders and drugs like there's a lot of those people that are like really good at acting they're sort of attracted to that to that chaos yeah or maybe it's just a part of what makes them a great actor yeah i think you're really if you're a great

great actor you have a sensitivity that's like maybe heightened you know you're sensitive i mean emotionally all around and um you know sometimes when you're that sensitive you can be drawn in in certain other directions you know yeah so but he uh man hoffman was just genius actor yeah he was a bad motherfucker yeah you know it's sad when you see a guy like that just succumb to their demons you know it really is too bad that's a weird one too that heroin one's a weird one you know because people are talking about like legalizing all drugs like that all drugs should be legal and in a way i support that but in another way i'm like it would suck to see more people do heroin. It really would. Crystal meth. Because what I'm seeing now with pills, I've met several people.

I know several people. I know one guy very well that died from pills. I know one guy very close to my family who fucked up his entire life on pills, and he's still a mess, and he used to be a great guy, and he's just a wreck. And it's all opiates. All opiates. And then you see this guy, and you go like, fuck, man. If it was legal, would it be even more prevalent? Like I would hope not.

But God, it's just I'm not I'm just anti heroin. I think heroin is a terrible drug to live your life with. It just. Yeah. There's nobody really who's like doing well thriving with heroin. You know, the crazy thing is how long some people can function. Yeah, and there's people that can function, and there's people that actually probably never get to the point

where they're not able to function. You know, there's people that can keep it in check, but I think for the most part, it just goes downhill for you. Well, one of the problems with these pill people is that they're not even trying to get high. They're trying to not be sick. Right. Because your body's craving it. Yeah. You get so addicted to these opiate pills that your body is just trying to get to a base level. It's not trying to, it's not trying to get high as much as it's trying to get out of a deficit. Yeah. So you give

it these pills and then you like sort of feel normal for a while yeah it's just so scary yeah it is i mean i i know somebody who had a bad drinking problem and and would like when it went into you know withdrawal would drink never really to get drunk it was because there was such a alcoholic that you know should drink just to mean like to not be shaking and sweating yeah yeah that's one i don't i don't understand because i i have had many drinks yeah i don't get the alcohol one i don't understand how that could be addicted to somebody addictive to somebody yeah but i do understand obviously because i've met many people who are addicted to it. Yeah, yeah. But just for me, it's just, I don't understand it. It just seems, it's just so strange that their body is craving alcohol.

Like it's not just an emotional thing. I mean, they say that that's what happened with Amy Winehouse, that she died from going cold turkey. Really? Yeah, she only had alcohol in her system when she died. She didn't have any drugs. And her body just went into. Yeah, they suspected she alcohol in her system when she died. She didn't have any drugs. And her body just went into... Yeah, they suspected she tried to quit drinking,

and it just sent her over the edge. Yeah. It happens. I believe it, man. I'm just glad I don't have that fucking... That gene. Yeah, or, you know, I mean, I've never... I drink once, and if I drink once in a week

and I'd have too many drinks I'm like, man, I'm not drinking. I don't drink again for like weeks, man. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. But I've just never, you know, that's just my own makeup. When you used to hang out more locally at comedy clubs every night you used to probably

go through that where you're like at a club every single night. Did you drink more back then? Yeah, not really because I never, I never ever drink

before sets. So the most I ever did was drink after sets. But if I was just doing spots and hanging out a little bit, I'd be more worried about like, you know, I'd be worried about driving home. So it wasn't a regular practice for me. Like I've just never been that big of a drinker, you know? I mean, I'll have more drinks on the road. Um, but sometimes, a lot of times I go to clubs and, um saturday will be the first time i ask for a drink and they'll all say like oh we didn't know you drank and i'm like what were you talking about it and they're like yeah we thought that it was so weird that you don't drink and um you know i

was like no i'm just done now you know so yeah alcohol is fun it's fun it's fun to drink it's fun to get drunk but the problem is the the effect on your body is just so bad. And Tommy and I have been talking about this because for the last two weeks I haven't drank. Wow. I tried to see what it's like to have nothing. I'd like a glass of wine with dinner on Friday night. But one glass of wine, that's it. No, like, getting hammered.

No getting drunk. No getting buzzed. No nothing. Yeah. And you feel remarkably better when Monday rolls around. Remarkably. So it's been two weeks in a row that I did this. Like, my endurance is up.

I mean, it sounds so duh. You know, it sounds so obvious. But you just think if you're out at a comedy club, you're hanging out with your buddies, you want to do a shot? Yeah, fuck it, let's do a shot. Let's do another one. Okay, let's have a beer. Three or four drinks, you feel like it's nothing.

And it really is nothing. But the difference between three or four drinks and no drinks is pretty significant in how much better you feel. It's tremendously different. I mean, a few weeks ago, I had, like, a few drinks, and I really feel like it took me, like, totally to recover was, like, 48, 72 hours to feel, like, 100% better. It was crazy. It took, like, three days to feel that much better.

I never drink at home. I only drink if I go out. So, like, I never sit at home and, like, open up a beer or anything. Unless it's, like, at night and then the girls are about to go to bed, I need to have one more drink in her. Oh, how dare you. Seal the deal. You know that's rape to a lot of feminists? By the way.

Yeah. Do you know that? You wear that? Yeah. They're going to push that. Mr. Connery. They're going to shove that down your throat. You're going to be a rapist.

Nightclub. But, you know, what's funny about that whole feminist thing is that they're saying that that works the other way around too with women and men. That if the man is drunk and the woman is sober, the woman is raping the man. I feel that way. I 100% support that. I've been raped in many ways. They have to say that. What's ridiculous is that they have to say that.

They can't say there's a double standard. Right. Nobody wants to admit there's double standards. Right. Double standards don't exist. Especially in like the super liberal left-wing progressive world it's the same on both sides so uh i was watching i was reading this uh this person's blog where they were talking about everyone who has sex with someone who's drinking is being a rapist and she was talking about men

as well like men being drunk that a woman woman taking advantage, yes, ladies, that is rape. Like, what are you talking about? The guy has a few drinks, he's buzzed, and he comes over and he wants to fuck, and you have sex with him, you're a rapist. Yeah. That is so fucking dumb and so symptomatic, so, like, symbolic of, like, what's wrong with that sort of rigid, like, liberal thinking. There are no double standard thinking. I mean, one of the major differences

is that in that situation, we are thrilled to be raped. It's not rape. It's not rape. Whether the man has limited inhibitions or not, that man wants to have sex. If a guy comes to your house, it's like if a guy goes to a bar, gets drunk, take a cab to your house.

Let's make it a responsible story. The guy takes a cab to your house and you throw him on the bed and fuck him. That's not rape. It's just not. It's just not. It's just not. And pretending that it is because you don't want women to be taken advantage of. And compared to like Steubenville, like the girl who was, she was so drunk that she was unconscious and these guys raped her.

Oh yeah, it was horrible. That's unbelievably horrible. Yeah. Unbelievably horrible and disgusting and it's a crime and it's evil. Because saying that a man being drunk is having sex with a woman is that that man being raped, diminishes the impact of what's horrible about something like Steubenville. Right, a real rape. Yeah, because you're being silly now.

You're saying something that is so preposterous that anyone with any logic could immediately pick apart. Anyone who's had any experience, anyone who's a man, by the way, who's a heterosexual man, who knows what it's like to have a couple of drinks and want to go have sex. Like the idea that that is somehow or another rape because you went over someone who obviously you like. You obviously like this person.

You've obviously have most likely have had sex with them before. You go over to their house. Yeah. The fuck out of here. I would even argue that if you if you're a man and you took a cab to that woman's house and she handcuffed you to a bed and blindfolded you and put a ball gag in your mouth and fucked you, that you also had a good time. Like it wasn't

something that you were fighting, you know? Or even if you wanted to. Well, I'm not into getting tied up, so. It's on you, fucker. It's your thing. Yeah. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt raped? Like you had a girl in your bed and you didn't want to have sex with her? You have a girl in your bed. You're a man.

You have a girl in your bed. What are you doing? If you're a man, you have a girl in your bed. What kind of stupid game are you playing? Cannot right now. Don't rape me. I just don't feel good about our relationship yet. Shut up.

If you're a grown adult, you're not a 10-year-old. You're not someone who's confused about biology and about sexuality and about, you know, stimulation and attractiveness. No, you're a fucking adult. You can't get raped. You can't get raped by a girl. Jesus Christ. Brian could. It's one thing if you like.

Brian could. The only thing that could be really crazy is if, okay, here's a scenario. Some sort of a survival situation where you're fleeing the country and you have your friend's wife with you and you have to stay in a hotel together because there's only enough money for one hotel room. You're just going to get some sleep and then get on the road. I'll sleep on the floor, you take the bed,

and then while you're sleeping, you wake up and she's sucking your dick. You're like, okay, you just fucking ruined my life. You ruined my life by being crazy and sucking my dick while I'm sleeping. Hey, you know, you're kind of raping me. Stop. Stop it.

I wouldn't have said yes for you sucking my dick if I was awake. Wait, wait a couple minutes. Now stop it. That is probably one of the very few scenarios that I could see where there could be argued that a woman rapes a guy. Yeah. There's kind of,

or like, uh, what's, what's the one? It's a single white female. They kind of have that, that scenario. rapes a guy. Yeah. There's kind of, or like, what's the one? It's a single white female. They kind of have that scenario. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where a girl pretends to be someone else.

And she tries to pretend, and he's like, what's going on? She's like, rah, rah, rah. She's just choking on his cock. And then he's like, it's not even you. So he got duped, right? That's another one that's kind of rapey. Yeah, that's kind of rapey. Yeah.

But still finished, and we'll talk about it. But, come on. Yeah, that's kind of rapey. Yeah. But still finished, and we'll talk about it. But a woman being drunk is always rape. If the woman's drunk, they want that to be rape. They want it, I mean, obviously there's a broad spectrum of intoxication. You know, like one drink, two drinks, three drinks, four drinks. One drink is, you can make good decisions on one drink. You can. But you're drinking.

Two drinks, you can still make really good decisions on drinks. But you're drinking. So like if you have sex with someone who can make good decisions and it's two drinks in, the idea that you say that's rape, you're a crazy person. Yeah. You're a crazy person. You're a person who's dangerous because you're fucking up the whole idea and argument, the whole conversation about alcohol intoxication. You're ruining it by being unreasonable.

And by taking this hard, rigid stance, you diminish the effect of something like Steubenville where they are getting someone so fucked up and taking advantage of someone who's so fucked up. Yeah, and the way to kind of state your position is are you going to look at those two and say they're equivalent? If you say they're equivalent, then okay, I guess we have your point of view on the severity of each of them. But I think a reasonable person looks at those and you realize that they're not, so it's kind of ridiculous. Well, it's a completely illogical stance to take, that it's an on and off switch. It's either on, there's an alcohol drink in the system. It's that way. It's rape.

There's no alcohol. It's not rape. Right. Same act. Same act, yeah. It's ridiculous. It's clear that there's a certain point where someone is unable to make clear decisions. They're fucked up.

They're intoxicated. But where that lies is very blurry and it's different for every person. And some, not some girls, God damn it, a lot of girls like to get drunk and get fucked. They like to have sex with people they want to have sex with when they have a few drinks. They like it a lot. So the idea that people say that that's rape because of whatever, because you want to push this ridiculous progressive agenda and this idea that anyone having a couple of drinks is somehow or another so incapacitated

that they're like a child, like we have to protect them. Yeah, I guess they're not making the distinction that there's a difference between a woman choosing to have drinks and go have sex and a woman who has had too many drinks and someone is, you know, taking advantage of her. I mean, there's two totally different things. Well, not only that, there's also the woman and the man, if they're both drinking, then what happens? Well, the woman is almost always in the clear. No one is accusing her. No one's saying, you know, this woman raped me. I,

you know, we, we had drinks together and she raped me. How many drinks did you have? Two. How many drinks did she have? Two. Yeah, man, she raped you. No one says that. Right. It doesn't say, but they do say it to the guy. They would say it to the guy. Like, and the girl could say, oh, I got too drunk to consent. And then, you know, Tumblr talk, progressive think everybody's like, oh, it is raped to have sex with someone who's drinking. No, no, it's rape sometimes to have sex with someone who's drinking just to say that you're not responsible for your own actions sexually but you are when you're driving a car you are when you know you assault someone you know you're responsible if you kick someone's ass and hurt them and you're like i'm so sorry i was drunk yeah you're responsible for that yeah you are fucking responsible for your

actions yeah but you're not sexually. You know, if your girlfriend comes home and she's hammered and she beats the fuck out of you and hits you over the head with a hammer and you go to the hospital, your fucking head's gashed open. She can't say, I was drinking. Yeah. So I'm not responsible for her actions because she's had a couple of drinks. It's madness. That's total madness. It's so illogical.

And they're so rigid on this because they want to support 100% women and women's rights and the idea of not supporting rape culture, the idea of diminishing rape in society. But by being so rigid and by being preposterous and illogical, you ruin the whole discussion because we're on your side. You and I are 100% on their side as far as like someone being drunk and you take advantage of that person. Right. That's disgusting. What they're trying to say is that there is no scale. Exactly.

It's just, it's black and white. It's black and white. And you can't say that because you ruin the whole discussion. Right. You ruin it because we all know, most of us know, people who like to drink and fuck. It's so common. Yeah. It's so normal.

You know? They drink to get frisky. People are married. Yeah. They drink and they start making out and it's great. Yeah. It's not bad. They drink and they start making out and it's great. Yeah. It's not bad. They loosen the inhibitions.

It's not bad. The idea that alcohol is bad across the board for everybody is fucking stupid. It's stupid, yeah. It's stupid. It's just bad for your body. That's the only thing

that you can prove for sure that's bad for your body. It's just one of those weird things man where people who are intelligent who have good intentions and there's good meaning behind what they're trying to do they fuck it all up with their ego and they fuck it all up with their rigid thinking and they fuck it all up because they're not being open and objective about the entire discussion of the situation yeah it's it's the same thing, I feel like, with judging people as black and white. I feel like most people are more complicated

and have varying degrees of good and bad and other complicated species. You could easily put generalizations. There was a generalization. Someone was talking about stand-up comics, and they were saying that comedy clubs are filled with angry men. And that's what comedy clubs are.

That's a giant generalization. What if Sarah Silverman and Eliza Schlesinger are on stage? It's still angry men? No, it's silly. It's silly. Some comedians are angry men. So are some mechanics.

So are some fucking bouncers. Some people that work in finance, they're angry men. Some of them aren't. some mechanics yeah you know yeah so we're so we're some fucking bouncers there's some people that uh you know work in finance they're angry men okay some of them aren't generalizations are fucking stupid they're gross it's so funny because when i hear those things like i always think of when i think comedy comics that i know what always pops in my mind is just silliness yeah i don't think of like i think of like all the goofy silly kind of yeah you know like well us hanging out in the weekend what do we do we're laughing all the time we're laughing angry 90 of the time we're not angry at shit no it's the idea that i mean look there's we all know

dudes who are we all know dudes but we all know an equal or more a greater amount of dudes who aren't like norton we're hanging with norton all weekend. Norton's fucking great. He's not angry. He comes off like fake angry for jokes, for funny. But he's filled with humility. He's a very like self-objective guy. He's always like being introspective and talking about the way he behaves, the way he thinks.

And he's always like criticizing himself you know and the idea that he's like this angry guy well yeah that's i was gonna say that is that people also assume that um they'll say the angry the anger with respect to like somebody doing something on stage and they'll have no idea that that person's not like that off stage that that's a heightened yeah you know version of themselves for their act for humor yeah it's for humor it's like you know like brian holtzman who's one of my uh favorite comedians that for some whatever reason just never really caught on with people he used to his whole act was this angry man who would say cruel evil shit and we would be dying laughing because he's not

like that at all. If you talk to Holtzman offstage, he's laughing, he's shaking people's hands. Hey, how are you? What's going on? Good to see you. Hey, good time up there. You were really funny.

He's a funny guy. But then he would do this character on stage where it was just like Susan Smith when she drowned her kids. He was like, I heard those were bad kids. I heard those kids sat that close to the TV. They didn't put away their blocks. They were always spilling their milk.

Those fucking kids would not be missed. Yeah. And it was so horrible. Yeah, yeah. But so funny. So funny, yeah. You had to be there

to see it happen when the tension was in the room because it was like two weeks after that woman drowned her kids, you know? That's a hilarious position to take. You have to commit to it.

I heard those kids were bad. Yeah. That's how he says it. They always fucking spilt that milk. They didn't put away their blocks. They sat that close to the TV. Yeah. Those kids will not be missed. Yeah.

And the way he would say it was just so fucking... The key, too, in those types of jokes is that you can never pull back on it. Once you say it, you got to go all in. Like, no, they were really bad kids. I'm telling you. I know. You know? Yeah. You have to, to like believe what you're saying yeah and it's not real no of course not that's the whole fucking that's why we know we can laugh at it it's a real issue with uh with

progressives this idea that you're going to silence that kind of thinking and talking you know silence that kind of uh those kind of jokes and i see the. I see that you're trying to make a kinder, gentler world for people to live in, but I really feel like concentrating on jokes is a bad idea. It is. It's, it's, it, it ruins the whole idea of trying to make people, or at least diminishes the whole idea of trying to make people nice in real life when they really mean it and really care because you're not focusing on that instead you're focusing on one they don't mean it and they're joking around yeah like and the idea that somehow or another that joking around fuels the actual act the actual act of violence or the actual act of rape or the actual act of anything uh evil or, because joking around about it

somehow or another gives it a green light, that's such a silly idea. That's so silly. If you have a problem with rape, or if you have a problem with violence, if you have a problem with assaults, do something that remedies the root cause of that, and you'll find that it's not jokes.

It's not stand-up. Nobody who watched a comedy show was inspired to go rape somebody. The idea behind that is fucking ridiculous. The idea that it gives a green light. You watch a comedy show and someone talks about beating the shit out of people. It gives a green light to go out

and beat the shit out of people. No, that's a defective person, if that's the case. Yeah, a person's out of their fucking mind. You can't make your art only for defective people. It's fucking stupid. It is. But it's a lot of that progressive mindset, You can't make your art only for defective people. It's fucking stupid. It is. But it's a lot of that progressive mindset,

this progressive black and white mindset, this left-wing liberal mindset, that it ruins those discussions. Because, yeah, we do need to be nicer to each other. Fucking yeah, for sure. We need less racism. Absolutely, we need less sexism. Absolutely, we need less assault. We need less rape. We need less violence. We need less racism. Absolutely. We need less sexism. Absolutely. We need less assault. We need less rape.

We need less violence. We need less road rage. We need less everything all across the board. We need less of that. Yeah. But we're on your side and you're, you're making us look like there's something wrong with us because we want to drink and fuck. You're making us look like there's something wrong with us because we enjoy a ridiculous

joke that someone doesn't really mean that's really cruel and nasty yeah yeah if you um if you really think that that comedy is the the problem you're you're just gonna you're just gonna make yourself look ridiculous you're gonna get a very few people that agree with your point of view like yeah yeah just get people to stop talking about anything that could be offensive. And you're just going to end up not making the progress you were wishing for. Yeah, and the idea of trigger warnings. That's the other thing.

What's trigger warnings? When people write blogs, like super progressive people, when they write blogs, if they talk about rape or anything, violence or crime, they will put trigger warning in there. A trigger warning to let you know that something horrible

is coming up. And it might trigger post-traumatic stress. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say if you got beat up and robbed and someone's writing about robbery, they'll put trigger warning in the title or trigger warning in the thing and then explain what they're talking about so that you get warned that they're going to talk about assault or you get warned. They're going to talk about rape or sexual aggression or whatever the fuck it is.

This is trigger warning, trigger warning. Like it's, it's a fascinating aspect of our society that you want to protect people from just even thinking about something that might've happened to them. That's bad. Yeah. So though that subject whatever that subject is

Is either off limits or severely limited? That's kind of the fact that someone actually has been victimized in real life. That's kind of really ridiculous to me Yeah, it's ridiculous. Well, I mean because you don't get trigger warnings when you're not doing it aside from reading that fucking blog There's no trigger warnings on signs when you walk down the street There's no trigger warnings that when you have walk down the street. There's no trigger warnings that when you have a conversation with somebody who you might not know well, they're not going to be like, real quick, in a moment I'm going to bring up

fighting. Just giving you a heads up. Wouldn't trigger warnings be a trigger warning? Like, wouldn't you think about rape if you give a trigger warning? Well, no, it wouldn't be a trigger warning, but it would certainly be a trigger. And, you know, every movie, essentially, every violent movie is a trigger to people who have experienced violence. Of course.

Every fucking television show on crime, which almost all of them are. I mean, what percentage of television shows, dramas are on crime? What percentage was Chicago Police or CSI or this or CSI Miami, New York, CSI The Moon? There's fucking a hundred law and orders. They're all on crime. If you've experienced any violent crime in your life, you know, it's a horrible, horrific, traumatic event. Post-traumatic stress from crime victims is huge. Yet every show on television, that's a drama, like a huge percentage of them it's probably like 30 percent of all late night or all uh nighttime dramas yeah are based on crime violent crime murders

dude violence is so kind it's so crazy when you when you watch uh shows and they um they have violent scenes you know the edited version has the violent fucking, like a guy's getting his head fucking blown off. Yeah. And then they'll be like, that's right, fudge you. And you're like, they just bleeped fuck, you know, because we can't handle. Yeah. We can't handle hearing that. Yeah.

I'm tired of this hogwash. And you're like, what? That's what he said? No, he said something else. But we can't handle that. But we did see him pull out a 12 gauge and blow the guy's fucking guts all over the place Well, how about the Walking Dead watch the Walking Dead the Walking Dead? They're cutting people's heads off They're blowing people's heads up with guns, but they never say fuck never say fuck

It's yeah, it's so ridiculous. You know, you can't also you god forbid they show a Woman's breast that would make your, you can't do that. No pussies at all. Don't show me where the babies come from or where the babies are made. Can't handle it. But you can show me a lady with a samurai sword

who cuts people in half. Yeah. She kills regular people too. She doesn't just kill zombies. She kills regular people. A bunch of the people kill regular people. They've killed a bunch of regular people on that show.

It's fine. It's fun. Yeah. I can't handle hearing shit. What the fuck, man? We're weird. So's fine. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah. I can't handle hearing shit. What the fuck, man? We're weird. So weird. What a stupid culture.

You know what I can't stop thinking about? What? The guy that farted at the sink. At the airport. At the airport. We talked about it

for 10 minutes afterwards. Well, dudes fart when they pee. When you go to the bathroom, dudes are constantly farting. In public restrooms. Yeah, but we were at the sink, and the dude was washing his hands, and he caught a monster fart. And I told Tommy about it, and I was like, dude, this guy, he broke the rules.

Yeah, I walked out just before this happened. I unfortunately missed the incident, but you said it immediately. And I kept wrapping my head around it, and I think what I've come to the conclusion is that if you do that, all I'm looking for is for you to acknowledge it. Yeah. Oops. Yeah. You need to say something.

Yeah. Yeah. I want you to say something about that. Because I was thinking about how an old guy one time farted next to me on a tram in the airport. And I was like, geez, he let a fucking pretty big fart. And I looked at him and he goes, snuck out of me. And I was like, all right. And it kind of took away like, you know, what was upsetting him.

Yes. I was like, well, thank you for acknowledging your fart right now. Yeah, this guy was just washing his hands and he just. The sink is not the urinal. I don't think you get a pass there. Yeah, it was. I don't even get a urinal. Who does that think you get a pass there. Yeah, it was definitely... I don't even go to the urinal.

Who does that? Do you? It was definitely a gray area. It was definitely a gray area. Yeah. People fart all the time at the urinals. That's so common. Yeah, I heard a lot of farts at the urinals.

But if you get done, zip up, walk all the way around, and you wash your hands, in the middle of washing your hands, you just unload. And no one said a word. Everyone just let it go. And then we got outside and I was like, yo, dude,

how do you feel about this? Yeah, yeah. I can't stop thinking about it. And then we're trying to figure out what kind of farts girls cut when they're in the bathroom

and whether or not they wash their hands and fart on each other. Probably not as much. Not as much, but they definitely drop heat in there. For sure.

Well, once they close that door, then they allow themselves. Yeah. They allow themselves to fucking fart it up. You know? They let them rip. Yeah.

Once they get in that door, they close that door, they just, you have to. If you're taking a shit, you're going to fart. But I wonder if they fart while they're washing their hands. These are the things that I think of. Yeah, absolutely. I wonder about what we need more of this in the world. Do you mask your farts when you shit in a public restroom? No.

Let it out. You got to do what you do. What are you holding up to the camera? I love girl farts. You're an idiot. Jesus Christ. You have that on your phone? Yeah.

I love girl farts? Yeah. 40-year-old man. He's got that on his phone. Oh, Christ. It's a huge fetish now. It's actually a website. It is.

It's amazing. It's always been. Yeah, it's amazing. There's been fart fetish now. It's actually a website. It is. It's amazing. It's always been. Yeah, it's amazing. There's been fart porn forever where dudes like sniff farts right out of a girl's ass. Yeah. They're naughty. We played some fart clips on our show, and we were talking about it, and a guy wrote in, and he was like, I have a big time fart fetish.

And we were like, what's the thinking about it? And he was like, I think it's just back to the taboo of it that the pretty girl is not supposed to so he's uh you know i mean like that it's yeah this should be a dirty girl yes and that's yeah and he loves you know a pretty girl doing it is like like the ultimate thing yeah that's the thing about people is like they want people to be naughty right just because we feel so most people at least feel so confined by the rules. And I think women so, even more so than men. Women even more so than men because, you know, society wants you to be a lady.

Yeah, behave a certain way. Sure. You know, and there's slut shaming. You're not allowed to be a slut. You're not allowed to do what you want to do. You know, like if a woman wants to go out and fuck a bunch of different guys, like if a woman wants to fuck two guys in a night, she's a terrible person. Like, if you find out about that, oh my God, she went to this guy's house, she fucked him,

and she left, and she went to this other guy's house and fucked him. What a whore. National champion. Like, girls would be like, what a whore. But if you told me, so he decides, he leaves this girl's house, and he's like, you know what, fuck, I can call somebody else. He calls somebody else, and he goes and fucks her, and we're like, ah!

That guy's an animal yeah it wasn't it wasn't even done he wanted to fuck more that's crazy that is crazy though that we don't you know that we have that that double standard for that i mean i remember in college a guy a friend uh going into a sorority house and banging girls in the same house on the same night in different rooms. And, like, yeah, we all were like, that's fantastic, you're such a hero, like, you're such a wonderful person. And, like, we were all so happy with his story. But if a girl went to a fraternity house,

fucked one guy, said goodnight, honey, left, and then knocked on the door, hey, cracker man. She's fucking out of her mind. Dirty bitch, you fucking whore. But we really should applaud her. Well, or not. Either way, we should let her do whatever she wants to do. She's just fucking people.

Why do you care? Were they going to stay together forever? They're in college. Jesus Christ. If you have a problem with a girl who fucks one guy and then fucks another guy that night, you're silly. Yeah, you are. What's wrong with you?

You could be one of those guys. Yeah. All you got to do is throw your dick in front of her. Obviously, she likes him. So that suppression leads to a reaction. Just holding back leads to this need to let it go. Yeah. And the girl just farts right in that dude's face.

Guy's like, I can't believe you did that, you dirty bitch. I'm a dirty farty bitch. Oh my gosh. I'm a farty bitch. Fart my mouth again. It's so funny the people that own this I Love Girl Farts are actually watching right now. Don't promote that.

So stupid. Oh my gosh, that snuck out of me. I'm a bad girl. Yeah. What? The smell and the fucking noise and the whole thing. The naughtiness of it all. We hold it in.

Boston girls farting? We have a thing about people shitting, too. You know? Yeah. No one wants to admit they just took a shit. We want to hide it and cover it up with noise and fans. We want to light matches. Yeah, it is weird.

I mean, I don't like single single stall unisex bathrooms yeah when you gotta shit i got shit and then there's like someone's like you're going in there and you're like ah fuck man why don't you go in first no you're gonna shit on top of any shit i know i get but you get that you know like i feel like i can't relax or you can say can i please use the restroom like if you're at a meeting if you're having a meeting or something like that, you can say, I'll be right back after you use the restroom. But you can't say, look, I got to shit. I got to shit. I can't keep talking to you guys.

I got to take a shit. You say, I use the restroom. It's ambiguous. Okay, go ahead. Yeah. And you leave. You know, you can't say, I'm so sorry. I was late for this meeting.

I got here on time, but I had to shit. Yeah. Right, right. You can't say that. You got to be upset. You got to go to the restroom, and then you know that the clock's running. So, because if you come back 15 minutes later covered in sweat, they're like, right, right. You can't say that. They'll be upset. You got to go to the restroom, and then you know that the clock's running. Because if you come back 15 minutes later covered in sweat, they're like, wow, you took a monster shit, huh? You can't really put that out there.

You're like, oh, fuck, now I got to grind this thing out quick. And sometimes that's what you have to do. Sometimes you have to take a 10-minute heater. Yeah. Sometimes you take a shit, and it comes out clump, clump, and you're like, god, there's a lot more up there. God damn it. Happened on, clump. And you're like, God, there's a lot more up there. God damn it. Happened on the flight yesterday. Oh no.

As soon as I sat down, I wanted to go to sleep. And I was like, I got to take a shit. And it was during takeoff. So then you're like waiting for it to hit 10,000 feet, you know. And then you're waiting for them to turn the seatbelt sign off. And I go in there like, this is going to be, this is like a fucking marathon shit. But I didn't have time for it. So I really dropped half of it off just so I could fall asleep.

Oh, no. Yeah. And then later on, I finished. It was pretty dramatic. It's one of the weird things about your body is that there's like this intangible sense of how much shit is in there. Yeah. You know, like when you're taking a shit, like you have that feeling, that weird feeling like I smell a shit or I feel a shit brewing. I feel a shit cooking in the oven. Yeah. You know, like when you're taking a shit, like you have that feeling, that weird feeling like I smell a shit or I feel a shit brewing. I feel a shit cooking in the oven.

And then once you're taking that shit, you got this pressure thing. Like you know it's in there. You know it's up there. And there's a certain amount. Like, God damn it, this isn't ready. This isn't done. This isn't ready, yeah. All right.

I'm going to have to empty it and then I'm going to come back later. Yeah. And that's the worst. You like when it's all gone. Yeah. Certain foods, too, will trigger just amazing amounts of shit that come out of you where you're just like, is my body mostly shit? Like, am I just a walking, talking shit machine?

Because sometimes the amount that will come out of me is just incredible to me. I cannot get over what's coming out of me. If you think about how much food you eat, though. Think of your entire day. If you shit once a day, think about breakfast in there, and then lunch in there, and then your dinner in there. Like this giant mound of food that goes in your body. And then snack, like you might have a protein bar along the way, and then you have all this drink thing.

You might drink milk, which has got some solids in there. And then slowly but surely compress that into just logs, big ropey shit logs. It's amazing it's not really bigger. Now picture a pretty girl squatting over your face and letting that all over you. Yeah. Well, that's under glass like all right big

thing for some guys some guys like women shitting on glass coffee tables yeah i always heard that about stallone that was like one of those rumors probably made up it's probably like the richard gear gerbil thing yeah just someone decided to say it and then it sounds cool so people repeat it. Yeah, well Stallone likes to get on the tables and girls take big juicy shits

on those tables. He loves it because he wants to fuck them. He just wants them to shit. I'd like to watch people shit over a glass table just to see it come out. Maybe once.

Really? Sure. What about a guy like Joey Diaz? I think that's the one that would be at the top of my list. What if he fell and landed on the table and the table shattered and you died? That'd be horrible. Glass went through your neck.

Shit was in your eyeballs and you died knowing that shit was all over your face and feeling the hot blood rush out of your neck. Wow. Sorry, dog. Sorry, dog. I slipped. Whoops. I had to watch Sodium. I think that it would be much more interesting to watch Diaz shit than some model.

I'd like to see him have explosive diarrhea on a glass table. I think that it would be much more interesting to watch Diaz shit than some model. I'd like to see him have explosive diarrhea on a glass table. I would like to see a girl who's addicted to stimulants, who's trying to be really skinny. Just how little she actually shits. Probably shocking. See little tiny poops.

Curly squirrely turd. Slightly bile, little yellow smell to it. What's going on? Sorry, that's a big one. Do you eat anything? Just half of her shit is pills. Powdery stuff. Half-broken pills come out. Yeah, like non-dissolved

pills in little clumps. Yeah, but I mean, it would be fun to watch a couple times. Maybe watch. I don't know about fun, but maybe fascinating yeah fascinating i think as an art exhibit we're talking about art a lot this weekend it'd be great to set up a live exhibit i've always thought of this where you have like 10 people 50 feet up and they're butt naked and they have different body types and they're sitting on glass toilets

with glass tubes coming down and then the exhibit is you walk around and they all shit at the same time. Like that'd be kind of a fun. And they flush it and you see these glass tubes fill up with shit and come tumbling down. Yeah. And then you go. A septic at the bottom, a giant large tank filled with shit.

That's all glass. And you have different colored hair and you're like, I, this is my creation. I, this is, if you wanted to buy this it's five fifteen yeah we were uh talking with this dude who explained to us this weekend about

um how we were talking about expensive photography because we saw this really expensive photography piece and uh he was talking about the the scam or the strategy involved in high-powered, high-priced artwork. And that what sometimes what a dealer will do is they get a bunch of people that are really into art. And what they'll do is they'll seed these houses with people's art. They'll take... You're breathing into the mic. It's freaking me the fuck out. One of you motherfuckers.

I'm going... Is it you? Might be you, buddy. Really? Yeah, I heard it several times. Over here. Breathe into the mic. It's freaking me the fuck out. One of you motherfuckers. I'm going. Is it you? Might be you, buddy. Really? Yeah, I heard it several times. Over here. You're freaking me out.

Anyway, the guy said, these things pick up a lot. Eddie Bravo was the worst. He was like. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. They're like, Eddie, you hear that? Oh, I didn't even hear that. Like, you don't hear that? People hear it.

Fucking weirdo. Anyway, they take up a guy who a guy who buys a lot of art. They get these fish, and they plant these things in their house. We'd like to gift you this gallery. We'd like to gift you this piece. This is a guy whose pieces go for about $50,000. That's the price point. And seeing as you buy a lot of work from this gallery, we think you would like it, so we'd like to gift it to you.

Like, oh, amazing. Thank you so much. And so then this gets around to these people that are in this small community of people who buy expensive art. Where'd you get that? Oh, it's a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, the Sebring Gallery actually gifted it to me because I buy a lot of pieces from them.

He's actually putting on an exhibit next month. Oh, amazing. And then so they'll seed these, they'll send like four or five pieces off. From an, it could be an unknown guy who doesn't have a price point really yet. Exactly. Yeah.

But he's talented. Right. And so that's how they sort of stimulate the environment and what he said in his words, create heat. Yeah. And so then they'll have a gallery exhibit, and this guy's work will be up. And it's really good work.

Right. But people are already bought into it because, oh, you know, Rothschild has a piece above his bed that's worth $50,000. It's amazing. Well, the best part, the part I was fascinated with, is that if they get that out there, right, they cede the stuff to these important people, and then they make sure that the people that were gifted

show up to the gallery, so that when other people with money are there, that person's like, yeah, I have one of those. And you're like, oh, shit, you have one of those? It's weird, right? Yeah, I want one of those, too. It's very strange, man. Yeah, and it's kind of the fear i think

the base of the fear yeah yeah as we talked about this um exit through the gift shop is uh exactly kind of the same mentality where the guy who was documenting banksy was like i'll be an artist and then uh now he still is yeah yeah. And he makes crazy money and there's no like history of him. There's no origin of, of like a work being built. It was just one day it was like, here's a bunch of work. Here's like an overwhelming amount of work that I kind of didn't really create. And then everybody was willing to. Yeah. But you can do that. They market it. Really interesting. Yeah. Yeah. You can do that. You can just, you can set people up. I mean, it's can do that. They market it. It's really interesting, man. Yeah, you can do that. You can do that. You can set people up. I mean, it's the hype machine.

It's like, okay, how many times has there been a Comedy Central special, and you'll see the Comedy Central special coming up, and they'll have a bunch of people that are critics or something will say, he's one of the funniest guys out there, and boom, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And then you have someone famous will say something, my one of the funniest guys out there. And boom, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And then you have, you know, someone famous will say something. Right.

My favorite all-time comedian. Bam. And then you'll see this guy do this thing, and then boom, coming next, it's the new show with the new guy. Yeah. Already endorsed by all these other guys.

Yeah, yeah. Essentially the same thing. Same thing. It's true. You know? Yeah. Movies are big in that. Fuck yeah, they are. Of course. The whole critics thing, the whole like, the funniest thing. Same thing. It's true. You know? Yeah. Movies are big in that. Fuck yeah, they are.

Of course. The whole critics thing, the whole, like, the funniest thing I've seen this year. Mm-hmm. You know? New shows, five stars, blah, blah, blah. This guy, that guy. This critic said, I've never, ever had such a good time. I don't know.

He had a good time? And you know there's some dudes, when it comes to movies, that you could just always count on. There's some dudes that are just bullshitters. Oh, yeah. It's a big bullshit business. They just love shitty movies. Yeah. And then there's some other dudes, like, they'll criticize films.

Like, Roger Ebert was a famous guy. Like, people would be, like, really upset at some of the movies that he criticized. Yeah. The way he criticized them. Yeah, people put so much into what into his um his critiques of films i never was really i've i read a number of them um i remember i don't remember which one but i remember disagreeing on some stuff that he liked and i was like well and i don't really have i don't have a problem with that i just feel like um with uh i really feel like

everybody is a critic we all get to say what we like and don't like. And if you can find somebody that you line up a lot with their beliefs, that might be the person for you to trust. But if it's not, then I don't give him really any more credibility than a lot of any other... I know he watched a lot and he knew a lot about films. I was more of a Siskel guy myself. You were what? More of a Siskel I was more of a Siskel guy myself. You were what?

More of a Siskel guy. You were a Siskel guy? Eber liked all those B movies and those shitty sci-fi movies, so I never trusted him. Well, you don't need those guys anymore. The point is that everybody can do it now. Because of social media, because of Facebook, because of Twitter, anybody could be a critic.

And there's some pretty eloquent reviews by people who don't do it for a living. I've read many reviews that people, like, you know, they have those Rotten Tomato reviews. Some of those Rotten Tomato reviews are really fucking good. Yeah. And they're really concise. And they're just regular folks. Yeah. It's a person who enjoys the movie or didn't enjoy the movie and said, here's what I think about this.

I think that that site is a better indicator because it gathers you know basically uh averages out you know like so if a lot of people that watch movies say this is awesome there's a pretty good chance it's going to be a pretty decent movie yeah if they all say this is a fucking garbage as uh it's not very likely that's a good movie yeah but when you like take professional interviewers like they're professional reviewers like how can you be someone who just, your art is reviewing other people's art? Because that's essentially your contribution. Your contribution is reviewing other people's art.

Yeah, who the fuck are you? And then you find out that Ebert actually wrote his own script. He made Dog Ship. He made a Dog Ship movie. He wrote and he directed a piece of fucking garbage. So he failed at the thing that he was praised for being a critic of. Valley of the Dolls, right? Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. It was supposed to be unbelievably bad. Yeah. You suck at it. It's sexy, though. But it's... It's like having the best, like the most respected comedy critic was like one of the worst stand-ups of all time.

Exactly. That's exactly what it's like. But a guy who never got out of open mic nights was fucking terrible. But everyone's like, he knows fucking stand-ups of all time exactly that's exactly what it's like but a guy who never got out of open mic nights was fucking terrible everyone's like he knows and you know he would say here's the problem with tom segura's last special yeah tom has this you know pendantic way of distributing his jokes oh don't fuck up fucking hack yeah it's exactly that yeah it is well the idea of being a critic too there's only one reason why people become critics is because they don't have anything to contribute There's no critics that are critics because you know, I'm brilliant at writing books and I'm amazing at doing paintings and art

But what I really like to do is judge other people's shit. That's my favorite thing. You know, they usually want to be authors They want to be screenwriters. They want to be someone who's doing that thing but they don't have it in them so they become a critic that's one of the beautiful things about things like rotten tomatoes they're just regular people they don't have to write a review of this they write a review of it because they're inspired to right which is probably like how you should like how we should treat artwork. We should look at people's, you know, you look at an average, you know, oh, Rotten Tomatoes gave it 80%. And then you look

at the reviews and you go, okay, I see what this guy's saying. I see, without giving away too much, here's what I didn't like. Without giving away too much, here's what I liked. Yeah. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, is this it? Yeah, I think it was the sequel and he co-wrote it. But I remember seeing it. It sequel, and he co-wrote it. I remember seeing it.

It was sexy. There was a lot of sex in it, a lot of hot chicks and stuff. But yeah, it's a total stupid stoner 70s movie. We should watch it and get really high and do commentator. Absolutely. Terry on it. Russ Myers, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. So this is a movie that he wrote?

He co-wrote. It was co-written with Roger Ebert for 20th Century Fox. See, you can't criticize that, though. Because unless you know who the other person is, and unless you know what Roger's contributions were, I mean, he was a part of a dog shit movie, but I've been a part of dog shit shows. There was a lot of those things that we did on the man show that were dog shit.

But if you know about the behind the scenes struggles to even get dog shit made you'd realize how difficult it is to have to have something represent what you wanted to do especially if it's like his first movie he tried to make who knows how many people were involved in this who knows how high on coke the producers were who knows how fucking crazy the actors were who knows it's It's so hard to tell. And even if you read his copy of the script, who knows how much editorial control he had on it, over it. Who knows what the studio decided they wanted added or removed. It's hard. Unless you read their individual work.

Like if you write a blog entry and you wrote it all by yourself, you know, now I know that's your work. I know your work i know your work right but like a show like like something like the jessel neck offensive how much control do you think they had i mean how much how much how much uh input did comedy central have how much input did the producers have right yeah i don't know the standards and practice people say you can't say this you can't say that change this now waters it down but it's good enough let's do it anyway right who knows you know i don't know why i chose it just on that but i did yeah you know you imagine this as a representation of what what he wants but

you don't know that he's actually i mean getting on exactly what he wants all the time right yeah which is the beautiful beautiful thing about podcasts and the beautiful thing about stand-up is you don't have to have something in it that you don't like. Yeah, it can be exactly what you want. It's a limited amount of people are involved. The smaller the number, the purer the vision or the purer the product of what you're doing

from one source. It's weird when you get giant groups of people that are all voting and deciding what should be in a movie yeah all you know putting their input on how a tv show should be what the monologue should be and it's not gonna work yeah you can't have that the only way those things work is if you have the less people the better yeah those that's why the you know things that don't have like directors who really prove themselves and talent that really proves themselves can get, like, they have that power

of less and less notes. That's why that work is a lot of times better, you know? People aren't telling, really, Tarantino, you gotta change all this shit now. He's getting, he's putting the movie out there that he wants to put out there. Yeah. You know, so, that's why it's good.

Well, like, South Park, perfect example. Yeah. It's really Trey Parker. Yep. It's one fucking guy, and Matt Stone is involved in it as well, and all the writers are involved as well. But without having this one guy, if you've watched that one-hour thing that they did, what was it called?

The countdown to... Seven Days to Air. Seven Days to Air. Really fascinating. Really. Yeah, really fascinating, because you get to see his process, the creative process,

how many other people input things and what's involved in the creating of things. But their show is so successful and so awesome that Comedy Central

just leaves it alone. It's so great, man. They just back away. Yeah. As is The Daily Show. The same sort of situation. They don't fuck with that. They don't fuck with it.

They just leave it alone. And then Louis has that famous deal where he just takes less money and gets no, he delivers an episode. He goes, they don't even know the episode. Beautiful. He just drops it. Here's the episode.

The best way. And well, look, you know, when you got a guy who's as talented as Louis, like if you want him on your network, the best way to get him on your network is to get him. Right. Let him do it. Let him do it. They're smart enough to get out of their own way. Right.

It's a beautiful thing that they figured out to do that with him. Yeah. Step back, get out of their own way, and let him do it. And unfortunately, I feel like, you know, a lot of entertainment would be a lot better if they would embrace that a little bit more.

You know, there's so many people giving their input on television. I mean, people would die if they realized the amount of people telling you to do things and cut things out on TV. It's crazy. Yeah. It's just, it's hard. It's hard to get things done on a network, you know, because every spot that they have

is valuable. Every slot, every 30-minute slot, especially during prime time, it's extremely valuable. It's worth so much to have those things there that they have to be real careful because if it's a hit, they can make so much money in advertising.

If you have a new Chappelle show and it becomes a new cultural icon sort of a thing, oh my God, that's worth money. So much money. So because of that, these non-creative fucking people get involved in the my God, that's worth money. So much money. So because of that, these non-creative fucking people get involved in the creative process to try to optimize money.

Yep. Fuck that all up, man. That's the one you want to walk away from and leave alone the most. When we did Opie and Anthony on Friday, they were talking about that, about radio being sort of ruined because of all this input.

Now, all this restrictions, all this, you can't just be wild anymore. You can't just do what you actually want to do, say what you actually want to say. You've got to worry about being suspended. You've got to worry about being fined. Even on satellite radio, they were still fined. Yeah, and they have taboo topics like just don't even bring this up ever. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, they took a hiatus from up ever yeah yeah i mean they were they took a hiatus from satellite for a while but they were still on regular radio yeah that's so bananas it's been the hiatus was because the they had some crazy homeless guy get on say he wanted to rape uh who was it the black one condoleezza rise oh right there's some crazy homeless guys saying a bunch of nutty shit and because of that got, I'm pretty sure they got suspended from satellite, but they were allowed to be on regular radio. That doesn't even add up. Wasn't that, let's see, Opie and Anthony suspended from satellite radio.

I know that the Playboy radio on Sirius radio, which is now I think Vivid radio, they used to have up to like a month ago, they had these rules that you weren't allowed to talk about incest. You weren't allowed to talk about drugs, including marijuana. You weren't allowed to talk about all this shit. And it's like, wait, this is Playboy Radio, and you can't talk about marijuana? Yeah. XM suspended them for 30 days. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Can't talk about marijuana on Playboy Radio?

What the fuck? What the fucking stupid shit is that? That's so dumb. What the fuck? Fucking stupid shit is that? That's so dumb. So they were on censored radio while they were suspended from uncensored radio. That's so crazy.

For something someone else said. That's so crazy. Yeah. Well, it's more idiotic thinking. There's a lot of idiotic thinking out there. But, you know, it's also, let's be honest, it's idiotic to have some fucking homeless guy on saying he wants a rape condoleezza rice like what you should do is say don't do that anymore because it's stupid and gross that that guy's nasty like why why do you have this fucked up mentally ill person in your studio saying stupid shit like that like that's not good right but it's suspending them for that you know just yeah just don't do that again. The people let,

you know, the people should let them know that they don't like that. Like, Hey man, that was fucking gross. Yeah. Why, why you got this guy saying he's going to rape some woman,

you know, some woman who works in the white house. Like that's crazy. How long were they suspended for? 30 days. 30 days. If it wasn't for them though, I would have never done this,

you know, and we'd never done it this way either. Cause every other show that I ever did, every other radio show that I ever did, was always, like, real structured. Like, you would go in there, they would have their bits, they would have their news guy that would interrupt every 15 minutes, they would do their traffic thing.

They had all this stuff that you had to go through and do. But when you do Opie and Anthony, you would just sit there and hang out with them. Yeah. It was just a loose, open hang conversation. And it was so much more fun to do that way. And I remember doing it thinking like, God damn, this is the way to do it.

Why don't they fucking do this on every radio show? You still will sometimes, every once in a while, will stop in and do radio somewhere else, right? You'll still like, if in a certain town, will you still give them aside from ONA or no? I think I do ONA and kevin and bean regularly and you know i'll sometimes i'll call into another station but there's not that many of them anymore those they there's jocks these disc jockeys have been all choked out they've been choked out by jack tv

or jack radio and all right all the pre-programmed stuff. I tell you, that Jack Radio is pretty sweet, though. Have you ever listened to it before? It's just music. There's no DJs anymore is the point. There's no radio personalities is the point. So those morning radio shows are all just choked down. Some radio is so, so goddamn awful to do. Yeah, but if you want good music

and you don't want to listen to fucking idiots babble, which is a lot of what you get on those morning shows. Yeah, something like Jack is great. Oh, yeah. No, I'm saying some of it is so, like the guys doing morning shows, some of them are still so bad. They're dinosaurs. Yeah. They're done. That whole style only existed when there was a small amount of people that were allowed to broadcast.

Yeah. You know, and then when the restrictions came down and they had to be as generic and as politician-like as possible, you got this top 40 nonsense where you have people who talk like this. Our next guest, you know, you're talking in some weird fake robot voice. Yeah. You're plugging into this system and doing, you know know what's expected of you and there's no individuality to it there's no uniqueness to it there's uh there's it's just a it's too restrictive an environment for creativity yeah that's why when a guy like howard stern came along it was just like

he blew the roof off of the the business because all of a sudden a guy came along that wasn't scared to talk to take on controversial stances to say outrageous shit to say really funny things and to try to entertain people in this really bold and crazy way yeah and and attack other people who are like his competitors like openly attack them like who the fuck ever did that yeah that was his uh that was also a strategy i didn't know like but it was like he would when he was new in a market a radio guy was telling me that like if he came into a new market the the first thing he would always do is attack that guy's show so that like he was playing in a new city and the the former number one show would have would be being being made fun of on howard's show so that listeners would be like, oh, shit, like he's making fun of this guy and create that buzz in that new city, right?

It creates drama in the new city. And then people are either saying like, you know what? He's right. This show is fucking lame that we've been listening to. Or he would also probably – he would pull the people that were going to like him anyways from that new city. And then, you know, either it worked out or it didn't. And it's, you know, it's low fruit anyway because a lot of them really do suck. Yeah.

So it's easy to do. You just go in there and jack them. Yeah. Because just pointing out the obvious. Yeah. That a lot of these just fucking. He would play their show on his show. Well, Opie and Anthony does that too.

They do that too, yeah. What they do is um they'll they'll they were doing uh jocktober so uh throughout the month of october they were like really corny shitty radio shows they would highlight them play them and then just destroy them oh my god they would play play and anthony is so good at like destroying things and so is norton yeah and so they would they would play these radio and pause them and just crush them and just go off on them for like 10 minutes and then come back to them and let them play some more and then crush them some more imagine how brutal like like if

you're that guy and you hear that it's so fucking you might know that ona got a hold of your radio show today for jocktober and then the pests get a hold of you. Oh, God. Because the ONA pests are fucking savages. Yeah. They're animals. Those huge, huge ONA fans. Oh, yeah. Just listen religiously every day. When they decide to go after somebody.

Yeah, it's over, dude. They'll torture you on Twitter. Yeah. They'll torture your fucking Facebook page. Holy shit. They'll fucking attack you. They'll attack you. As will the Stern fans.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, imagine you have your little radio show in Des Moines, and then you get home and your fucking mailbox is full. You're like, what's all this fucking hate mail? Yeah, which is one thing that I wanted to bring up. We won the Stitcher Award for the best overall podcast. And, you know, agree or disagree, that's all good. But someone from some podcast, I'm not even going to bother mentioning because I think it was actually someone who was like one of the sound guys from the podcast told people to do this, told people to send some hate our way.

And I got all these fucking angry people on Twitter that were angry that this other show didn't win. And look, I, you know, first of all, I think, I think contests are stupid. Okay. I'm, I'm glad that people like the show, but I don't give a fuck if we want to contest. I think contests are dumb as fuck. I've never asked to win a contest. Um, it's nice that, that people acknowledge that they enjoy it. I like that. But if you're going after someone else for winning something and somehow or another you know it it you think it takes away from the show that you like you're like you're a fucking idiot is this a bigger show no no i've never even heard of them until this this wave of fucking hate

started coming my way and then you're just reading it it was like this is so stupid like you don't have to like a show but if you're mad that your show didn't win and another show did you're just reading it. It was like, this is so stupid. Like, you don't have to like a show. But if you're mad that your show didn't win and another show did, you're a fucking dunce to just go out and push a bunch of hate. All that means is that the show that you represent, the show that you like, has a bunch of assholes for fans. It does. I don't know why that is. I don't know who's responsible for that. But it's so unnecessary. I mean, we live in 2014.

We, on this podcast especially, as a rule, support other people. As a rule. I'm constantly telling people about other podcasts that I love, whether it's Hardcore History with Dan Carlin, or whether it's Daniele Bilelli's podcast, or Tom Segura's podcast, or whether it's anybody, Joey Dia, Daniele Bilelli's podcast, or Tom Segura's podcast, or whether it's anybody, Joey Diaz, Ari Shafir, we constantly promote people's podcasts

when they come on. When Cara Santa Maria was on here the other day, I was telling her, start a podcast. You should do a podcast. Yeah. And if somehow or another you like her podcast more than you like my podcast,

good. That means you like something. I don't give a fuck. There's plenty of people in this world there's 300 million fucking people in this country alone and this podcast reaches people all over the planet i get emails and text messages into or tweets rather from new zealand from australia from japan i get them from afghanistan i get them constantly from all over the world it doesn't there's plenty of people you don't that's who knows how many millions that is that have access

to podcasts you you should listen to whatever you like you know the idea that somehow or another your show is uh is is being stiffed by some you know maybe they had some they organized some fucking thing where they tried to win it or something like that it's possible that they were upset that they did that and so this is the blowback but it's probably that same sort of strategy get us to talk about it get us to be angry about it and it pumps up that other show yeah i refuse i i had somebody try to bait us on that too meanwhile i hope that other show does great i hope it's something i can listen to i hope i enjoy it i'm not it. I'm not against any other shows.

I love what I love. If there's someone out there that wins some Stitcher Award or some iTunes Award or something like that and we didn't, I'll listen to it because I want to know if it's good. If it's good, yeah. Maybe I'll find it enjoyable and it'll be something I can listen to on a plane sometime and have a good time. I'm really sorry we got our listeners to send you that hate mail. Ha! I was about to bring that up. I was trying to work it in slowly.

We didn't even talk about the UFC. Oh, yeah. Crazy ass fucking UFC. That was pretty crazy. A lot of fights I heard in the stands. Yeah, I heard some people got stabbed. Two people got stabbed. Crazy.

Another guy threw a chair at a woman. Jesus. Did he throw it at a chair at a woman. Jesus. Did he throw it at somebody else and the woman got hit? Is that what happened? We didn't get clarity on that, but it was intense in the stands. It was funny because it was... How did he get a chair in the stands? I think the chair was in higher up when they have the freestanding area

where there actually are chairs and there's... Oh, I see, I see, I see. So someone threw it down? I'm not sure how it was thrown. They were just talking about that a chair got thrown and hit a girl, that a dude threw it. But, you know, the stabbing, it made sense that something like that happened

because we were all, I realized that sometimes fights happen in the stands and you look and it just kind of fizzles out really quickly. And in this case, it was, like you heard a huge, you know, like kind of shouting, screaming from this area. And we all turned and were watching it. And then I realized that 30 seconds later, there's a fight going on, and everybody is looking in the stands. Like because there's so much action in there, and people are scared.

What fight was going on while this was happening? Man, this had to have been... Oh, it was Jamie Varner and Abel Trujillo. Was it that fight? That's what someone said. Yeah, it was later on, so it wasn't one of the early fights. I want to say it's probably about, yeah, that makes sense, six, seven fights in, so that would be Varner, Trujillo.

That was a crazy fucking fight that fight makes people want to stab people yeah and that was the that was that fight was bananas we're looking at six or seven decisions in a row up to that point yeah and but jamie varner and abel trujillo just fucking assaulted each other they threw down varner looked like um in the beginning like he was seemed like he was moments away from closing it out He hit him hard and fast and he had him in trouble and you just didn't know if he was gonna close it out right then but then Towards the end of the fight. He looked like he was gonna get him again. Mm-hmm

Well, he had him in a north-south choke too for a while He he burnt his arm out in the first round because he was trying to choke him out with that north-south choke So he had him on the ground, had a dominant position, had a choke, couldn't finish the choke, and then they got up and were fucking slinging knuckles at each other. Man, yeah. It was one of the wildest, most aggressive fights. The way I described it, those punches were like, what did you say about my mother punches? Yeah, yeah.

That's the way I described it because they were just, they were so ridiculous. I feel like throughout the fights, we were seeing a number of haymakers thrown in, like a lot of just over-the-top running, throwing punches. It was pretty intense. There was a lot of... I mean, people complained about it, like, punch that always happens online. People complain.

But I thought there was some fights that weren't the most dramatic because they were evenly matched and went to decision. But that Varner fight, and then, of course, that fucking main event was a huge disaster. Yeah. The stoppage, the premature stoppage. Yeah.

It's too bad because, first of all, it's too bad because Hennon Burrell looked fucking sensational. I mean, he cracked Uriah Faber with this big punch. And he hurt him with a bad leg kick before that, man. Leg kick was like a whip. He cracked U hurt him with a bad leg kick before that, man. Leg kick was like a whip. He cracked Uriah with a hard leg kick. And you can see Uriah have like a little bit of a limp to him right after that.

Like it was a hard kick. And then he caught him with that big punch and had him really hurt. And so for him, it sucks because he had Uriah really badly hurt. And it doesn't give him like this definitive ending. He was looking at the referee when he was, like, hammer-fisting Uriah because he wanted the referee to stop the fight,

which, of course, look, he's the champion. He wants to retain his title. It's worth a lot of money to him. It's very valuable. It's also a moment of, you know, a point of pride. But he had Uriah really badly hurt. It would have been way better if he could finish him off legitimately. You know, if he finished him off, like, where there's no controversy.

But Herb Dean stopped the fight kind of early. But, you know, on Herb's side, like, he didn't know. Like, what if he stopped the fight and Uriah, like, after Hennenborough got off of him, rolls over onto his back and he's unconscious? Yeah. You know, I mean, he's getting cracked. He's hurt. He's wobbling. He's hanging on. And he just had his back, and he's unconscious. He's getting cracked. He's hurt. He's wobbling. He's hanging on, and he just had his hands up, and he's getting hit with punches.

I didn't think it was quick enough to stop the fight, or I didn't think it was bad enough to stop the fight, but I'm not a referee, man. I'm not in there right next to the guys. He is, and he made a bad call, but it's because he wanted everybody to be safe. It's the right call to make if you're concerned with being safe. This is the Jamie Varner, Abel Trujillo fight be safe. It's the right call to make if you're concerned with being safe.

This is the Jamie Varner, Abel Trujillo fight. Boom! That's the punch that landed. Oh, my God. That's crazy. But the way they were winging at each other. Look at this. They're winging punches at each other.

Oh, Trujillo hit him so perfect, too. And he was chasing after Trujillo. I mean, the whole thing was so crazy. he was chasing after Trujillo. I mean, it was, the whole thing was so crazy. It was a, it was a cool,

like one of the wildest, like Donnybrook style fights. One of the wild, most slobber knocker fights I've ever seen. It's one of the fight, it's the fight that gets an audience excited. Like that's the kind of fight that people are fired up about. I just feel sorry for Uriah Faber a little bit.

Yeah, that he didn't have a chance to actually come back. He's a fucking durable guy too, because he might have been able to get out of that and survive and come back. We saw with Frankie Edgar versus Gray Maynard, he was hurt even worse than Uriah Faber was, but look, he came back

and he won. Or he came back and he made a draw out of it. Who was it that thought, was it Martin that got out of a crazy armbar? Or was he putting it on? No, that? Or was he putting it on? No, that was Martin was putting it on. And he put it on fucking who? Russian guy.

Yeah, yeah. Magomedov. Magomedov. Yeah, that was a crazy fight. The first round, he dominated that dude on the ground and got a real good deep arm bar. And the guy was screaming in agony when he was trying to get out of it like you can see his arms hyper extended screaming in agony and managed to get out of it and actually managed to win the fight yeah that was incredible that was absolutely incredible seeing him get out

of that fuck yeah there was some some great fights jose aldo's a fucking beast and so is that kid ricardo lamas man ricardo lamas is a tough fucking kid. We also saw Alistair and Frank Mir. Yeah. And dude, that knee to the face. Yeah. I know a friend, so I have really good seats. I was like K-side. And that knee was right in front of us.

Yeah. And you hear it, and we saw Frank's eyes roll back. I was certain, first of all, that I just heard his jaw get cracked in half. And I also thought, because he stumbled big time. I thought he was, we were about to see him. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, he didn't want to go down. Look, Frank Mir is a tough motherfucker, man.

He's tough. He's tough, and he's experienced, and the dude has just been there, done that. Yeah. It's hard to take him out, you know? Even this day. That's why it was so impressive that Josh Barnett took him out so fast in the first round. Frank's fucking tough, man.

He kept trying to win. He was trying to win, and he was getting hit pretty good. Yeah. Almost had a guillotine at one point in time, but Alistair popped out of it. But, you know, maybe if Frank got that earlier in the fight before he'd taken all that punishment, maybe we'd have had more strength. It's incredible to be able to take that abuse and still be in it, though. Well, Alster fought conservatively.

He kind of admitted to it, that he was worried because he had lost two fights in a row and he wanted to make sure he played it safe and got the win. By the way, was it true here that you asked something like... Did it hurt? He was like, it hurt like a mug. Yeah, he did, yeah. He was totally honest about it.

I mean, yeah. All right, so we ran out of time, man. We're going to turn into a pumpkin soon. Tom Segura on Twitter, ladies and gentlemen, T-O-M-S-E-G-U-R-A. And the podcast with his lovely and talented wife, Christina Pazitsky, is called Your Mom's House. And it is, in fact, the shit. And they do a live version of this podcast. A lot of times Tom and Christina will do gigs.

Well, they'll do stand-up. And then they'll also do the podcast. It's got a fucking huge following now. It's beautiful to see, man. It's fun. I love that it's growing and expanding and that you have these shows now. All these people know all the stuff that you guys talk about on a regular basis. They're really into it.

It's so much fun. It's a party and it's a good time. We're doing live podcasts. It's a whole different type of performance for us. We're doing it all over, man. San Francisco, New York, Houston, Seattle. It's going everywhere. It's like a whole different type of performance for us. So we're doing it all over, man. San Francisco, New York, Houston, Seattle. It's going everywhere. It's beautiful.

And they're all free, of course. What is the website? To listen to, yeah. We're on iTunes or you go to yourmommashousepodcast.com. Beautiful. And thank you to Squarespace. Squarespace.com. Use the code word Joe and save 10% off your first purchase.

Thanks also to LegalZoom.com. Use the code word Rogan in the referral box at checkout and get some more savings. Thanks to Onnit.com. Use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements. Thank you everybody who came to New York this weekend. We had a great fucking time. It couldn't have been a nicer crowd. You guys were cool as fuck.

And even though everybody had to get, over a thousand people had to get upstairs through two elevators, we mentioned at the beginning of the show that we're going to start late because of that, and everybody cheered and they were happy, and we got everybody seated before the show started. I can't thank you guys enough.

It's a real honor having people that are so nice and so cool come to our shows. I don't know how it happened, but we're going to make sure that we continue to try to nurture this. All right, we'll be back tomorrow with Justin Martindale and Friday with Cameron Hayes, famous bow hunter. And then it looks like we might do Saturday with Pete Dominick, who's a very funny stand up and sometimes he's on CNN and he's also got a great show on SiriusXM as well so we got a lot of shit coming up you fucks

and we love you love for all big kiss Thank you.