The Joe Rogan Experience - #455 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz

Episode Date: February 13, 2014

Joey "CoCo" Diaz is a Cuban-American stand up comedian and actor. Joey also hosts his own podcast called "The Church of What's Happening Now", available on Spotify.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Boom, son. Boom! Here we are, back in the house again. Joe Diaz, the new blue cigarette spokesperson. Stephen Dorff is out and you're in. And Jenny McCarthy could suck my dick too.

No, no, no, keep her, keep her, keep her. She's so pretty, I just like to look at her. She is getting prettier. She's beautiful. She really is. She's beautiful.. I just like to look at her. She is getting prettier. She's beautiful. She really is. She's beautiful. That chick, as she's gotten older, I mean, you know, everybody gets mad at her, and they're down on her for what they call the pseudoscience about, you know, vaccinations.

She's like a real strong opponent of vaccinations. And, you know, a lot of people felt like she had no business doing that. She didn't understand the science behind it. She didn't understand, like, you know, how many people are saved by vaccinations and how dangerous it is. So to this day, I see people taking free shots at her. But, you know, all that aside, you know, misguided, non-scientific approach to vaccines on the side,

her personality is great. She's great. She's sweet. I heard the kid don't even have autism no side. Her personality's great. She's great. She's sweet. She's fun. I heard the kid don't even have autism no more. No. It went away now or something.

I don't know what he had, how he was diagnosed. I don't understand autism. I don't understand it. And she was pissed about Jim Carrey don't call the kid no more. You're not sucking his dick no more.

You know what I'm saying? If you're not licking his nuts no more, why is he going to call the kid? He'd have to call the kid. Well, you know, after a while, like we're talking about, you get different relationships and you move on. You know, what's he going to call the kid? He'd have to call the kid. Well, you know, after a while, like we're talking about,

you get different relationships and you move on. You know, what are you going to do? That's why it's a... Maybe if he called the kid, then Jenny get on the phone and say, Jim, when can I suck your dick again? And he would avoid it.

You don't know. You don't know what's going on. Well, there's the kids still... What do we give a shit? What do we TMZ over here? I just... She's nice. She's pretty.

She's got a child. No, she's beautiful. She's beautiful. She's got banging tits. What's up, baby? Good to see everybody. Red band in the house. She's nice. She's pretty. No, she's beautiful. What's up, baby? Good to see everybody. Red band in the house. What is that photo that you put up? It's a picture of her new show, Jennifer McCarthy's new show, and Tiffany Haddish is in it also.

So it's Paula Bell. That's Paula Bell. Far left. That's Paula Bell. Paula Bell's fucking hilarious. It's called Dirty Little Secrets or something? Yeah, Dirty. And what do they do? They do something at night? Shit, I don't know.

What is it? Red Band Talk? I got to call her back, man. It's called Dirty, Sexy, Funny. It's a TV show. It's a view panelist kind of thing, I guess. Paula Bell is a fucking hilarious comic. She's a monster, bro.

She slings feet. She's at that point where she gets on the stage and she just fucking kills him. Yeah. She's become a guy. She's a monster, bro. She slings feet. She's at that point where she gets on the stage and she just fucking kills him. Yeah. She's become a guy. That's why. She's got the mentality like a guy.

Like, sometimes I tweet and she'll tweet shit back at me. I'm like, God damn, Paul. I'll say, like, wash your pussy and she'll tell me

to wash my dick, you know. So when you have that mental, once you've gone through everything in L.A., you've sucked the cocks. I'm not saying she's a cocksucker. I'm just saying that. Once you've sucked the cock once you've gone through everything in L.A., you've sucked the cocks. I'm not saying she's a cocksucker. I'm just saying that once you've sucked the cock, you've taken the lunches, you grow, and you grow as a stand-up.

And one day you go, you know what? This has got nothing to do with what I've got to do. I'm just going to rock every fucking stage, and that's what she does. Well, she just knows the formula. She's really funny. She's really funny. Always working, always seeing an airport, never complaining, always friendly, you know, very sweet. I really got it. It's really funny. She's really funny. Always working, always at an airport. Never complaining. Always friendly.

You know, very sweet. I really got it. It's always great. You know, there's some nights I go out to do comedy, and you bump into 18 douchebags, and you go, you do your set, and you get in your car, and you come home. And there's some nights that you go out, and you see people you haven't seen in a year.

You hug them. You have a fucking, you know, you go outside, you smoke a number, and you go home, and you're like, that was fucking great. These guys are still doing comedy. They're on some other circuit. Last night, I saw Mark Curry. You know, bro, every time I see Mark Curry, it's 15 minutes about the store, and he makes me laugh. He genuinely makes me laugh.

I bumped into him at Ralph's, and that's how the whole relationship started. I said, bro, you live in the Valley. Call Flappers Nah. You're just trying to do comedy. You just want to get up and do spots. You've already had the TV show. He's on another TV show. Is he really?

What's his new TV show? I'm like Family with Chachi. He's one of the guys. Scott Bale? Scott Bale's got a show on like, you know, Nickelodeon or Nick at Night or something. He plays one of the black guys on the show.

Oh, really? Yeah, but hey, listen. He's still here. His show's been off the air for 20 fucking years. He's a very underrated center. Oh, really? Yeah, but hey, listen. He's still here. His show's been off the air for 20 fucking years. He's a very underrated Santa Claus. Oh, he's a very underrated

He was talking to me how he writes a joke now that he listens to his joke on his earphones and he walks to these clubs and he sees ways to make the joke better in his head

while he's listening to it. Do you listen to yourself? Sometimes. And I turn it off Do you listen to yourself? Sometimes. I turn it off and fucking want to do heroin. Shut that off. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's all right. I record all my sets and I listen to most of them.

Unless I didn't have to. Unless I knew what transpired. No, I listen to myself. I didn't take any chances. But every time I do, I get that much stronger. Yeah. Every time I watch a video, I get that much stronger. It's like watching game tape.

Yeah. You got to analyze yourself. You got to analyze yourself. I just can't. If you look like me, you don't want to look at yourself. I don't want to hear my fucking voice. Yeah. It's very hard for me to go to a movie that I'm in.

I want to fucking cringe when my role comes on or something. I don't like that stuff. There's people that are great with it. I just don't. I don't like that stuff. There's people that are great with it. I just don't. I don't want to hear my fucking voice. So when I'm hearing my tapes from the night, like when I go to Laugh Fact, when you go to the Ice House, they always give you your set from the night before.

When I fucking put that on at the house or something, I get sick to my fucking stomach. You know, I don't focus on the material. I'm focusing on me. Look at the size of my fucking head. Look at the size of my stomach. Look at the fucking nose. What am I going to do? Well, that's what we hide from a lot of times.

Self-analysis. But I do know that if you do it, you just become that much better. It's like watching game tape. It's like really watching game tape. I'll tell you when it gets really interesting, when you do a weekend at a club. Like you do Thursday, Friday, Saturday in Minneapolis, and you tape all three nights.

That's very interesting to watch it when you leave there, to see how you evolved all three nights and what mannerisms you made and what mannerisms you want to take off. Especially for a new bit. Yeah, and it's amazing what habits we get that you try to break, you know? Like I always say, do you know what I'm saying?

And that's a fucking ugly habit. And I don't even know I'm saying it, but I'm saying it. A lot of people say like. Like. So it's very rough when you listen to yourself. You see these little nuances that you're like, God damn, I didn't hear myself say that. You know when people should listen to themselves the most

is when they say fuck too much and they don't realize it. Oh, I see it all the time. I see it all the fucking time. But the extra fucks. The extra fucks where it's like, this fucking guy all the time. I see it all the fucking time. But the extra fucks, the extra fucks where it's like, this fucking guy with his fucking thing

with the fucking, when you do that, it takes away from the word. The word doesn't mean anything anymore. It takes away from the fuck. You crush the power of it because you've overused it. Like, that was something

they taught me in Boston. That was a big, big thing in Boston. Breaking the fuck meter. He's breaking the fuck meter. It's really wild. Did they have that when you were out in Denver, when you were coming up? They had nothing.

They had nothing. They had nothing. No art to it, no direction? No, well, they had a guy, Matt Woods, that wrote for Roseanne and a bunch of other guys, and he did something on Tuesday nights before the open mic. You know, it's really weird what happened with him and I. He liked me. He was from Long Island. And the first night I ever got on stage, he mic. You know, it's really weird what happened with him and I. He liked me. He was from Long Island.

And the first night I ever got on stage, he was, you know, the comedy works does an open mic on Tuesday. Then the last guy is a real headliner. Right. He does 45 minutes. And my first time on stage, June 18th, in 1993, he was the headliner. I had never seen a live stand-up show before. And I went, and that's the night. I knew

I was going to get on stage. I went with my ex-wife, and we went, and I got on stage, and he was the headliner. So he came up to me right after, and he goes, dog, if we don't stick with this, you're crazy. He goes, you got it right. But he goes, you got 60% down. You got the presence down, and that's part of it. He goes, you got it right. So we became friends, you know, and I would go. And then one day, I got a call, like call like two years later that he started a writing thing before the open mic. I was really fucked up then. I used to work at the sports betting service, and I'd have to take a bus from Boulder to Denver. And I'd go pick up an eight ball and then call the club and cancel.

Right? I'm not going to fucking Denver by bus when I got an eight ball at home. And sometimes I would do it. But literally I had something. And after a couple months, one day he came up to me. He's like, let me ask you, I had a T-shirt on. I had a white T-shirt on. He came up and he goes, can I talk to you about something?

He goes, listen, man, you come here, obviously you don't give a fuck. He goes, you're the funniest motherfucker here without even trying. He goes, could you imagine if you wrote? He goes, half the time you cancel, and you don't go to my classes. He goes, why do you do this? And, dog, I was going to punch this guy in the fucking mouth. You know when somebody's, like, calling you out, and you're like, what the fuck did I do to deserve this? I could see if I said something.

But he kept going. He's like, you know, you shouldn't even come here no more. You are really talented, but you're wasting your time. I know you're doing below. Those wake-up calls are huge. Dog, I left there with my hands clenched, and I walked to the bus stop, and I walked back to Clobber, and I never wanted

to see him again. Never wanted to see him again. But those words sank inside of me. I didn't even go home and do the coke that night. He depressed me so much, because he was right. When somebody's right, you can't raise your hand to them. Sometimes you get mad, but you're like, the motherfucker's right! And at least he had the balls to not call me out in front of 20 people.

He pulled me aside and said these things. He's from Long Island. He knew how to do it. And he just read me the riot act. So I never see him again. I moved to L.A., and I'm trying to get into a room. You know, the first 90 days is like getting out of rehab when you move to L.A. You got to get out.

Nothing happens at the couch. You got to get out. Libraries, coffee shops, you know, the Spanish rooms. And one night, I finally, Rudy wouldn't return my calls. That's how I met Rudy Moreno. He wouldn't return my calls. I said, fuck it. I'm going down there. You know us, bro. I'm old school comic. You're not going to return my calls. I'm going down there. It's a Spanish room. I'm Spanish. What the fuck? I walk in, and Rudy sees me. He goes goes, alright, go up. And I had to follow that guy that used to be the detective. I like my women how I like

my coffee. Dwight... Carlos... No, no, not as Rocky, the guy in the late 80s and 90s that would go on stage with a detective jacket and a hat. He would always do the improv and he would play that shtick from the, I went to my office. I smoked a cigarette. Oh, who was that guy? What was his name? Oh, my God.

I'm there, Red Band, and I got to follow this fucking monster. He had been on all the evening at the improvs, all those shows. But you could tell he was getting older. Rudy had him down there. I go up on fucking stage, and I rip that room apart. You know, like when you're fired up about something, you're mad. Seven minutes, I went up there. Caught the wave.

Just took that room apart. Followed that guy like he was butter. You know when you get warm, like a hot knife, and you stick it in a Carvel cake, and it goes right the fuck through. I just sliced through that room. When I got off stage, who do you think was there? Matt Woods in the back with Brian Dunkelman. Do you guys remember Brian Dunkelman?

Yeah. He was on the first season of American Idol, and then he blew it. They gave him $3 million, and he fucking told, what's his name, the sucker's dick. So now he's doing the American Idol in the casino and some Indian casino. But he was there with him. Matt Woods, the guy who told me off, who told me to get my life together. Right. And said all those things to me.

So when I walked off, I saw him. Is that the guy? Tommy Sledge. Tommy Sledge. Yeah. That was him. I had to follow Tommy Sledge. So when I get off stage, Matt Woods sees me and I killed.

And I walked up to him and I go, bro, you have no idea how close you came to dying that night. And he goes, I know. I could see it in your eyes. But it did something to you. And ever since that time, we became tight friends. I lost my communication about five years ago. His brother got sick in New Mexico, and we lost numbers. But I always looked for him on Facebook because that guy set me straight about comedy.

He pushed my button so much. Bro, in those days, I was so fucked up, I would have killed him. Seriously, I would have fucked him up. But he wasn't lying to me. Every time I went to punch him, I'm like, he's not lying. He's not fucking lying. So if Matt Woods is listening or anybody knows how to get a Matt Woods, tell him thank you for making me a fucking man. That's what he did. People can tell you things that wake you up. Thank God I didn't raise my hand for that guy. Thank God. I wouldn't have been the same fucking person. Thank God. Yeah, no kidding, right?

I had a guy tell me that I started out really good, but now I kind of dwindled off and I realized he was right. He was another comic. I believe his name was Jonathan McGuire. He's a real nice guy. He was one of the guys we all started out with together. There was a whole group of us in Boston. And about six months in, man, I was still

fighting. I was kind of like half-assing comedy. And he said to me, we were all waiting in line to sign up for open mic night. He was just matter-of-factly about it. He's like, you started off really good, but you just kind of dwindled off. And I just sat there. I didn't even respond to him. I just sat there, and immediately he was like,

shit. He's right. He's right. How could I fucking say something bad to you? He was my friend, so I never got angry at him. He just was right. I mean, he wasn't even saying it to be mean. He wasn't. He's right. Totally right. How could I fucking say something bad? He was my friend, so I never got angry at him. He just was right. I mean, he wasn't even saying it to be mean. He wasn't a dick at all. He was just kind of being honest. He's like, you started off really good, but then you kind of just whittled off, and I was like, fuck, I did.

And so then I realized, like, I gotta quit fighting. I gotta quit martial arts. I can't just half-ass this. If I'm gonna try to be a comedian, I can't try to do two things at the same time. It's too hard. That guy was, like, one of the main reasons why i made that choice that that experience where i knew i was just confronted with undeniable truth i don't think that people could do that anymore because of the pc in us yeah i think comics still do it to each other it's important man someone to tell you that bit sucks dude that bit's all fucked up like what

do you say like come on man the bit is like there's a piece of this in that bit i didn't even think of that yeah i remember that this part of that that's this guy's thing oh yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck that happens like you gotta have a guy come up to you and tell you like you might be on a you might forget like i had a buddy of mine forgot that he had heard a joke and then started repeating it and then i said dude that's dennis miller's joke it, shit. You could see in his face. Like, fuck. If someone's not there for you to tell you that bit sucks or that bit's stolen or that bit's hack, you might accidentally fuck up.

It's possible. You need guys to be able to tell you. No, I'm very happy that Matt Woods called me out that night. It was, I still remember going there with a fucking t-shirt on to the Comedy Works. It was one of the best clubs in the country. Tuesday night, there's 200 people in there watching open mic. I'd go up there and kill just by talking three minutes because it's Denver. Just my accent kills.

Just the accent kills. Just me going up there and talking about the Broncos. Being friendly. Just being friendly kills. You know, it's just, it really was, he really, and him and all those guys, Matt Woods, Matt Matt Woods Matt Berry Matt Berry ended up selling like six shows

to NBC big time writer still around well it's also important for someone to cut you down to size because when you're starting out

you have a really distorted perception of how good you are you think you're way better than you really are well that's what the comedy for that's what the

Comedy Store Original Room is for the Comedy Store Original Room I love going in on a Sunday. When you come back from somewhere, you just kill for four days and shit. And you're like, watch this, bitch. And you go up there and nothing happens to me. Nothing. Nothing.

Just eat dick. I just destroyed in Minneapolis for three nights. And here I am on a Sunday night dying during the early show, like the 79. You would see that on Sunday nights especially because guys would do weekends somewhere else and do really well and come in and just get humbled. It is really. It's the devil's room, man.

It's the devil's room. He'd make you sell your soul. That's how he'd make you sell your soul, by making you bomb in there. It was good for both of us as a transitionary period, but that type of room, especially high conflict, no crowd control, that becomes like you develop a more hostile style than is kind of necessary because of that. Sometimes that can be really funny.

Both of us, I think a lot of our style developed because of the hostility of that room. I am thankful. I am thankful because one night I got a call maybe eight years ago, and it was a Thursday night in Houston, a Wednesday night in Houston. They had maybe 20 people in the audience, and Johnny Sanchez fucking destroyed the room, destroyed the room to the point where Pete called me drunk, and he goes, I saw something tonight I only saw two people do.

He goes, are you kidding? Every one of my Wednesdays is dead. The headline is bomb. There's only two people. There was only one who could kill with 20 people in the room. That was you. Until I saw Johnny Sanchez. Johnny Sanchez called me the next day and said that to me.

He goes, it's really hard to believe that people don't do this. We do this every night at the comedy store. Yeah. What we did every night at the fucking comedy store. Eight people. Because I went up at 1245, bro. You know, there's eight people left. And they've already heard every premise, every joke, every fucking news line.

So you have to go up there and just come out, you know. Yeah, you got to come out. Like John Jones on the fucking floor. That's a big part of why Kinison became Kinison. Kinison was the cleanup batter. Kinison would go on at like 1 o'clock or 12 o'clock at night, depending on, you know, whatever night it was. It was like the Kinison spot was the late spot at night. And, you know, all these different comics had worked out already.

The audience, you could start an audience at the comedy store at 8 o'clock. You could sit down at 8 o'clock and stay there until 2 o'clock in the morning. Nobody kicks you out. The show just keeps going. So Kinison would go up after who knows how many hours and hours and hours of premises and setups and punchlines. And he would, ow, ow, reset the whole room. I live in hell. I live in hell.

Ow, ow. Hell, I was married for two fucking years! Hell would be like Club Med! He was just fat and fucking sweaty with an overcoat on. Like, everything was off. He had sneakers on

and a t-shirt with an overcoat. And I was like, what is this guy doing? What the fuck's going on here? Screaming with the power of a preacher with a head injury. That's what he was. He's a preacher with a head injury. Greatest comic of all time.

Came out of a head injury. Is that what it was? Yeah. You never read his book? Brian actually gave it to me. I already have it. Brian gave it to me for Christmas. It's out there in the front.

It's called Brother Sam. Yeah, Joey actually won. I read it. Brian gave it to me for Christmas. It's out there in the front. It's called Brother Sam. Yeah, Joey actually won it. I read it. I read it in Seattle. I haven't read it since 95 when they used to. That's the one when they talk about Houston walking down to a bar. And then they would talk about going to the comedy store and eating the condiments. My Brother Sam.

The cherries. The brother wrote it. The big part of it that keeps sticking with me was that he was like this really normal, quiet kind of kid. And then he got hit in the head. He got like hit by a car. And he got really fucked up. And when he recovered, he became this reckless fucking maniac. He became Kinnison.

So, you know, a big part of what made him so amazing might have been an accident. Like that happens sometimes. Like, there was a story recently about a guy who got hit in the head. He had some sort of head injury, and then he came out of it, and he could play music. Like, there's weird things that happen sometimes. Bro, I went to school with a girl that had a head injury, and then she got huge tits, and I'm not trying to be funny.

I wish I was lying to you. This chick was flat-chested as fuck. Got a head injury her freshman year. By the time she was a junior, her tits were fucking ginormous. And she had become like this sex fucking crazy chick. And I went to grammar school with her. I knew she wasn't a sex fiend. And I bumped into her like when she was a senior. And she was fucking nuts.

I was a junior. I was like, Jesus. Big fucking tits. And just wanted to fuck. Just, you know, like if this guy doesn I was like, Jesus, big fucking tits. And just wanted to fuck. Just, you know, like, if this guy doesn't fuck me, you're going to fuck me. And I'm like, I don't think so. I never fucked her. What if that's the head injury?

I think it was. Now that you said that. Well, think about tinnitus. She's on Facebook, and now she won't talk to me. Now she made up. My buddy of mine bumped into her, and she goes, I don't talk to that motherfucker. She doesn't talk to me now. Well, because you wouldn't fuck her?

I don't know what it was. She's still mad. me now. Well, because you wouldn't fuck her? I don't know what it was. She's still mad. And the freshman, that's the girl I got left back over. Oh, wow. In the seventh grade for meeting her pussy and shit like that. She wouldn't let me bang her. I just dry humped her and sucked her titties and stuff like that. Then she had a head injury.

When she was a freshman, I was an eighth grader. Teenager credits musical talent to head injury. We'll play this because it's pretty crazy shit. That's amazing. So she became a freak from a head injury. A freak from a head injury. I'm not shocked, man. You know, we had a guy on the podcast, Dr. Mark Gordon,

who is a specialist in traumatic brain injuries. He's dealt with soldiers and athletes and all these different people. And, you know, the way he talks about it, man, it makes you really fucking question how smart it is to get hit in the head on a regular basis because when this guy starts talking about what can happen like he was talking about like water skiing that water skiing the jumping up and down on water skis can fuck your brain up and give you brain damage because your brain is sloshing around inside your skull i never even thought of that but he was like it

wouldn't even be a concussion like you would be damaging your brain by just your brain sloshing around inside your skull. I never even thought of that. But it was like, it wouldn't even be a concussion. Like, you would be damaging your brain by just your brain sloshing inside, like headbanging. Like, there might be a reason why headbangers are so fucking goofy. One of the reasons why they're goofy. You bang your head by mistake

and you're off for a day. Yeah. In the shower. Yeah. Coming up, that handle with the soap. Like, I banged my head one time and I was off for two fucking days. I was off. I was off.

I was, what do I mean by off? I didn't hear voices or, you know. Just didn't feel you. Just didn't feel me. You know, when I got a concussion my freshman year playing football, think about it now. Yeah, I felt a little off for a few days. You're not yourself. Well, you know Ryan Parsons.

Yeah. Ryan Parsons got hit in the head with a golf ball, and he told me he wasn't the same for six months. He said he got hit with a line Ryan Parsons got hit in the head with a golf ball, and he told me he wasn't the same for six months. He said he got hit with a line drive, cracked him right in the head. He said he went down like a meteor came from the sky. I mean, he hit him right in the fucking head, like really bad. That's a dangerous thing, a golf ball to the fucking head. Like, people think that's funny.

You're laughing, aren't you? You like Ryan, and you're laughing. I like him because who gets hit in the head with a golf ball? He was playing golf. Yeah, he was playing golf. Fuck, that's what happens when you play golf. Oh, no. at you. You like Ryan, you're laughing. I like him because who gets hit in the head with a guy? He was playing golf. Yeah, he was playing golf. Fuck, that's what happens when you play golf. Oh, no. Fuck you.

Don't be playing fucking golf. You just need a cup and a headgear to play golf. Did you hear about the foreign accent syndrome? Where the woman just turned into like a Japanese lady and she's never even heard of... Well, she speaks with an accent. No one's ever learned an actual language. She just took some Guy Ritchie dick. He fucked her English.

He fucked her English. He put a gun in her mouth. Chip, chip, chaleo. What is this? I want to see that kid. Let's play that video that I asked you to pull up. The kid is a fascinating story because he got hit in the head and he credits that to his musical talent, a brain injury. Not that you should go fucking hitting your head.

It's not always you become a comedic genius or a musical genius. Probably somebody's got a buddy at home. Are you ready? Hit me with that. Yeah, I suck at comedy. Come on, you're going to hit me in the fucking head, and I'm going to get better, bro. Some guys with head

injuries are funny. You just had it up. Yeah, it's not playing right. God damn it, I forgot to bring that new laptop. Please remind me. Here we go. Our laptop's old as fuck. You know, every day we find that

more and more things about brains and especially with the NFL and the guy shooting himself and what's going on. Listen, man, I think that you're right. I think that you have the magic. You don't know how many hits it's going to take. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Nobody knows how many times you do this until one time you hit the right thing.

When people get knocked out, what happens after that? They get knocked out all the time, right? Doesn't that happen usually? It can, depending upon how much time you give it. The only person that I've seen recover from a brutal knockout and retain his chin is Bisping. Bisping got knocked out by Henderson. It's one of the worst knockouts ever, but hasn't been stopped since

except for one time against Vitor Belfort, and it was a head kick. I mean, everybody gets stopped by that kick. The kick that hit Vitor, if you're a fucking human being and he head kicks you with that shin to the head, most likely you're going to go down at least, and that's what happened to Bisping. He went down, and he wasn't even unconscious. He got TKO'd.

The referee stopped the fight. And, you know, he didn't object. It was a good stoppage. But the point is he didn't lose his chin from that one knockout. His chin's still pretty solid. He's been hit real hard. Just that one knockout by Vitor is the only other one. I think I have mild PTSD.

I'm sure you do. What are you talking about? I know you do just by hearing your stories all through our friendship. I know for a fact that some nights I lay down and I'll think of something. I'll think about the worst case scenario. And I'll say, why did that pop into my head? What is that reasoning? Why did that pop into my head what what is that reasoning what why did that pop

into my fucking head and then I think about early on in my life those first fucking 15 years were just brutal yeah brutal you know my mom said that the first three years after my dad died every time a door would open I would turn around just to see if it was my dad you know that has to stay with you the rest of your life. And then my boys dying, my Dominic Special, and Anthony, my mother dying all at one shot. You're finding your mother. I always know that when I see somebody,

like Anthony, I saw at 6.30. Anthony, I saw at 6.30 at night. Dog, you want to come over and eat? Nah, my mom made it. You want me to come over after dinner? Nah, I got to do homework and shit. I'll see you tomorrow at school. And then he went home.

His mother had no milk. He got in the car with his brother, went to a supermarket, and some guy ran a red light truck. Boom, killed him. I go to school next day. Where's Anthony? You didn't hear what happened, though? What happened?

He died last night. How can he die? I was with him until 6.30. What did he do from 6.30 at night? We were fucking in the eighth grade. What did you do, go to a disco? So I know for a fact, and I haven't gone to talk to anybody, but I started getting this, I started getting it a little stronger the last four years, maybe because I'm off the blow. Maybe because I'm off the blow now, it's coming to haunt me a little bit differently. It doesn't

affect me in my everyday life. It affects me in different situations, like with my daughter. Like when Terry drives with my daughter, I get nervous. I get nervous with my friends. I get nervous about my friends a lot, bro, a lot, because I know what it is to lose a tight friend. I know that you can't recover from that. We're very fortunate that we all have each other. So I know that this PTSD, I have it at some levels.

When I hear a gunfire, I fucking go crazy. Even on TV. Like, sometimes I think about what these kids go through. When you're in a school, you can't imagine, guys, being 12 and being at a school, and some guy comes in with one of these new fucking age guns. You know, you go hunting, you know what a shotgun sounds like. Yeah. You know

what a.45 sounds like. Think of these new M16s that they come in. Those fucking clicks and those ticks, and you hear the bullets going in. All that shit affects me, even on TV, bro. Even on fucking TV when I watch it. I'm like, I don't want to watch this shit. The other day you called me and told me you were going to the movies. And I was like, don't go see that fucking movie.

Wolf of Wall Street, yeah. That was too crazy for me. But it goes to show you what I really want to talk to you about, how crazy were the 80s. That's not exaggerated. The 80s were insane. That's not exaggerated. Especially with cocaine. I think that was all the 90s, actually, because I think 87 was when the big crash was.

Right, 87. That's when he started working. That was his first day in the office, right? We were still fueling motherfuckers. Right. November 18th, 87, it was around there when we crashed. November 8th, November 10th. You know how I know? I kidnapped the guy a week later.

Really? Yeah, I kidnapped the guy in 87. Yeah, I kidnapped him. Wow. He was delivering newspapers. I remember that. But the 80s, when I went to see that movie and I saw the blow, like my heart stopped a couple times.

But by the 20-minute mark, when I went to see that movie and I saw the blow, like my heart stopped a couple times. But at the 20-minute mark when I went to see that movie at the Lemley, I saw four white people run out of there, like Gentiles. How about when he was blowing coke in her asshole? Oh, her asshole. That is raw, but that was it. That was it. His straw in her asshole and he's blowing coke in there. The other night I was watching Boogie Nights when they go over. That's my favorite scene in a lot of movies.

Which one? When Marky Wahlberg and the guy go to the guy's house, the guy from Spider-Man 2, and the Chinese guy with the firecracker. You know how many houses I went to at 3 in the morning that were like that? Really? Like, you walk in and you're like,

something ain't right. We went to one in Arizona where something wasn't right. Oh, yeah, you remember that? Those parties, something ain't right. You walk in and you're like, you know what? Something ain't right, and something's going to go down at this house. Yeah, like you're waiting for vampires to fucking blow. Blood to spray from the ceiling like the opening scene in Blade.

It's fucking crazy. Well, that's a lot of it is that amphetamine, cocaine, uppers sort of party scene. It's very sketchy. Like if you're going and meeting some people that are involved in that world and you don't even know it, like you think they're just, oh, he seems like a nice guy. When we were in Phoenix,

I didn't even know that everyone was on coke until Brian pointed it out. Me and Brian were hanging, I never done coke. I know when people are kind of being speedy, I kind of guess that they're on coke. But since I've never done it, I don't know the actual.

The faux patois. Yeah. I could tell if someone's high. I could tell if someone's drunk because i've been high and i've been drunk the coke thing's like a guess just a guess for me but we were in this club and brian goes you know everyone here's on coke and i was like everyone he's like everyone's on coke everybody look around everyone touching their nose he goes and they're all like planning businesses and you look around and they were they were all touching each other's nose. They're like, dude, I'm fucking totally into that, man.

We can sell that shit through my company or your company. And they're gacked up making plans that will never take place. Never take place. They only remember them in the morning. Yeah. It's a fascinating thing. And that's the other thing. On top of all the death I saw and all that, then you got 25 years of fucking heavy-duty powder.

Yeah. You know, like I told you guys, towards the end of the last three years, I knew it was time to stop snoring at night when my spine would start fucking hurting. When the bottom of my spine would start fucking hurting and I'd feel like little firecrackers going off, like little electrodes.

Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Wow. I knew it was time to quit right then and there. Wow. That's crazy was time to quit right then and there. Wow. That's crazy. Electroids. You know, it's funny how I always wanted to write a book about my life. I don't want to write a book about my life no more.

I want to write a book about the 26-year fiction. Listen, you'd be crazy to write a book. This is what you should do. What you should do, if you want to do a story in your life, you do a story where a guy puts a fucking camera in Front of you and you start talking to lose you talking loses 90% of the entertainment value of anything you say You're a master talker you you when you talk. It's it's entertaining. It's beautiful to listen to why would you want to limit that to the printed? Word that's the last thing you want to do you want to make an audiobook at the very least but more likely you want to look At your face you'd want to do a video

at the very least, but more likely, you'd want to look at your face. You'd want to do a video, maybe an audio book with a video companion to it, but don't write a book. Too much would be missing. You're too, it's like that form of expression is too limited for you. It's not that it's not, you know, that you couldn't write a book and wouldn't be interesting. I'm sure it would be interesting. But a big part of your genius is your relaying of information. Like you understanding who's listening to you and you,

because of the fact that you grew up in this really fucked up way, because of the fact that you grew up with all this loss and this like extreme, like extreme desire for friendship and extreme loyalty to your friends. Like you. One of the things that I love about you is the same thing that I strive for myself, is to be extremely loyal to my friends. And that's who you are. That's all you got. But all that comes into play, the immediacy and the importance when you're talking to people.

There's a lot of shit going on that you're just going to miss in the print. I'm not trying to blow Smoke up your ass No no no I know I know You're not the first guy That said it to me Fuck a book

You just talk You just talk You're the You know You're the funniest guy On the planet When it comes to just Talking and telling stories

It's just weird that You know you I went to Minneapolis And the guy was clean And we were talking In between shows About coke stories And we were both

Looking at each other like, fucking crazy shit that that made you do. Like, 30 years of my life, 26 years of my life, was focused around that. Like, my thoughts at one part of the day were like, am I going to do it tonight or not? Like, the same way people think about eating. And I'm not glamorizing it or nostalging it.

It's something that I want to just, it's scary. It's ugly. Like, when I want to just, it's scary. It's ugly. Like, when I think about it, I'm like, God damn. The people I bumped into, the women I bumped into, it was like. Well, especially East Coast, right? And if I was selling my soul, you know, they were fucking definitely selling their fucking soul, you know, in a huge way. The things they would, I mean, it was just, it's really fucking interesting where you live.

And that's for any addiction. Joe, that's for fucking those pills, you know, which is really destroying us. It's the pills. It's not the fucking meth that they're making in Tennessee. Not us. But it's the fucking doctors and these fucking prescriptions. You know, in Hollywood, everybody's on a fucking prescription. You do know that.

Everybody. A lot of people certainly are. 90% of people are fucking prescriptions for something. Even if you go to AA, and I know in Hollywood, I shouldn't say the AA as a whole, but I know people in Hollywood that'll look me in the face and go, I'm clean and sober from alcohol, but I'm taking pills that the doctor gave me so I don't kill somebody, so I don't do this, so I don't do that, so I sleep at night, so at the end, you go to the house and I got 19 fucking pills. What's the fucking difference, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. Did you listen to the podcast yesterday with got 19 fucking pills. What's the fucking difference, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Did you listen to the podcast yesterday with War Machine? No. No, no. He gets anxiety too and he takes Lexapro because of it, but he's clean and sober other than that. And what does he say about the Lexapro?

Helps him. Helps him. You know, he did a year in solitary. Oh. And when they put him in jail in Nevada, they found out he was an MMA fighter, and they decided to remove him from general population for everybody's safety. He's got a fucking grenade tattooed on his neck,

and the kid's built like a pit bull. So they're like, fuck this guy. He's not beating up any guards or whatever he's planning on. Let's put him in solitary. So they just decided to put him in solitary for a whole year. Crazy story, but fucked him up. He was already fucked up going in, and they took him off the

Lexapro when he got in. Crazy story. So he's going through withdrawals because he's been on this stuff, and I don't know how Lexapro works, but I would assume you'd probably have to wean yourself off of it. Now, don't they let you bring that in if you're in prison? Some places, but not Nevada. They would let him bring it

in in California. If he was arrested in California. They would let him bring it in in California. If he was arrested in California, they'd let him bring it in and they would take it. He would go to the prison doctor and they would give him his medicine. But not in Nevada. Nevada's like, fuck you. You're a criminal. We're barely going to keep you alive. We're not going to give you shit.

He could sue them. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe. It's your need. It's like a religion. Yeah. You know, if you go to jail and you're a Muslim, you need vegetarian fucking meals.

If they don't give you that Muslim diet, you could sue them. It's part of your fucking religion. People do it all the fucking time. Is that the case? Like if they're serving pork chops and if you're a Muslim, they won't? They got to give you a fucking vegetarian or Muslim fucking dish, man. They got to have a special fucking deal for you. So if you, all right, I have sleep apnea. I go to fucking county jail, okay?

All right, he killed somebody, whatever. He lit a house on fire. Still got fucking, this is one of the only countries you have rights as the accused. As the accused, you have rights in this country. Tons of fucking rights a lot of people don't know about. So I go to L.A. County. The next fucking day after the first night, my attorney goes down and says, guys, either he needs to get transferred to a hospital for a sleep apnea, or we need to bring the machine in.

They're going to go, no, we can't bring the machine. There could be a bomb in there. They got to transfer me to a hospital. That takes three or four fucking days. My blood pressure goes up. I got a heart attack. Guess who's getting sued? Can you imagine that?

Is that how it works? Or would you just have to deal with it? No. How can you deal with it? You have a fucking, you know, let's say you're, I know if you have a mental health issue, you break a window. You know the people who don't take their medication. Right. They break a window.

They take you into jail. You want these people in here without their fucking medication? Same thing applies. Anxiety is a fucking silent killer for some people. It's not at that, I was never at that point for me. But I know people that I've spoken with that it's a fucking, they can't be in certain situations. Wow.

Because it's just mind-boggling for them. Can you imagine being in solitary, being in a room like this, no air conditioning, no windows? That does shit to you. Sometimes when I work out and I can't breathe and there's no doors open in the gym, I get fucking anxiety just because I want to go out and just get air, just get air for five minutes. Just breathe in the air.

I'm back. Just being cooped up in a corner doing fucking deadlifts at the fucking kettlebell thing. Sometimes I got to walk through the door. Sometimes I make them open up the garage door. I get anxiety just from being in that position. So I can't imagine what he did in an 8x6 cell. For a year. For a year.

How big is a fucking cell? 8x10? It's tiny and they give you shit food. Okay. I know you're at home going, Joey, but he's a criminal. For a year. How big is a fucking cell? It's tiny and they give you shit food. I know you're at home going, Joey, but he's a criminal. I understand. In this country, the criminals, the fucking, I don't care. Even the World Trade fucking bomber.

Sammy the Bull Gavano. They were all under that fucking jail in Colorado. Tomahawk, whatever it is. They got rights. They got rights. You got to give them their medication. You got to give them this. Yeah, otherwise you're torturing them. I mean, the idea of punishing people for something is very strange.

Because the idea is that you're going to take some person, you're going to put them in jail for the rest of their life and make them feel terrible and just moan and rot away. It's very medieval and archaic. But they couldn't be a productive member of society. Yeah. Jails are not bad. I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm a felon. I can't vote, which they're trying to overthrow all that shit. Are they really?

Some states. Obama wants to vote. Obama wants to vote. But it's funny because a majority of people with felonies in the country are black. Well, who would be next? Because actually I shouldn't say Obama wants to vote because he won't be. No, he won't be eligible. He won't be eligible. So who would be that they would benefit from that?

They're going to pick some new black guy coming deep from the south and shit. No, I'm just – but I saw that. Public enemy coming true. You never know. You have a black planet, baby. But it's really amazing. Like when I went in, I had the reefer, so I had trouble sleeping. They put me on fucking – what's that shit they put you on when you're crazy?

The Thorazine? Did you know? Thorazine? They had me on Thorazine in prison for two or three weeks. That's what they call Thorazine? Thorazine. They had me on that in prison for two or three weeks because I couldn't sleep at night. Whoa.

So they have mis, you know, you have so many mis. Misdiagnosis. Misdiagnosis in there. Yeah. Like they couldn't figure out something. And I know, you know, like, listen, this is a tough, this is a very complicated subject in our country because everybody was going to chime in on this, you know, but a guy who gets in trouble has rights. No, it's not right that we don't put somebody who smoked pot in jail for 26 fucking years. rights. No, it's not right that we don't put somebody who smoked pot in jail for 26

fucking years. But some guy who kills a fucking little girl or a little boy or lights a house on fire, has no respect for society, needs to get put in jail, maybe that'll slow him down. We've discussed this before. There's no rehabilitation in prison, bro. There's no class that

you take to come out and be a better person. It's how much of this do you want to take? Prison isn't about the food. We goof here. Ha, ha, the food. You're going to get fucked in the shower. That's all bullshit.

The thing that if you're a man, can you imagine me coming into your room every morning and kicking your bed? How would you feel every morning if I came into your room and just put the fucking light on at five and go, Rogan, get up, bitch, and kicked your bed. How many mornings before you stabbed me? Legitimately.

If I would have lived with you and I would have lived downstairs, and I came into your room every morning, kicked your fucking bed, and said, hey, bitch, get up, how long would it take you to stab me? What if you had an eight-year sentence? Take a lot less. And I'm a guard. I'm already a guard. Yeah.

What would you do in life? That's what makes you not want to come back to prison. Because it's not somebody fucking you in the ass. It's your manhood, bro. With me, it was my manhood. They took my manhood away.

There's a man telling me what the fuck to do. And you have to listen. And you have to listen. And there's no two ways about it. And they can treat you in a way that no one else in society is allowed to be treated.

You know how that guy said to you, Joey, you started off good, but you teed it off? Yeah. You didn't get mad because it's not what you say, it's how you say it. There's another way to say that. You're going to haul off and punch me in the fucking mouth, and that's how they say it. They're always testing you, that thing that you have in you. Because they know they can. And that's it.

That's what makes you not want to come back. When you look at that place and go, I never want to be put in this position again. A man is never going to talk to me in that fucking manner again. I'll die before some motherfucker talks to me like that. There's two types of that. There's some people who, you know, but there's some people inside like me. You know, how am I going to live without fucking Chinese food? I mean, these are the little things that I thought about.

But these are the decisions you make. I'm not going back to prison. Prison's a bad thing, but people are bad fucking people, and I need to get stopped sometimes. With me, Joe Rogan, I needed to get stopped sometimes. I had been doing drugs since I was 15. I was 27 years old. It was a six-month process that I didn't have to do drugs.

I had to think about drugs. That makes you see life a lot clearer. And it makes you ask you this question. Do you want to be in this? Do you really want to come back? I mean, there's people that sit around all day talking about H-Block in Kansas. You were there, Joe Rogan? Come on, dog. I was there. That's the baddest place.

The Porkchops on Tuesday, bitches! Red Band who did Time in Columbus. I was in. And they're proud of doing this tour that they do And they're proud of doing this tour that they do. Wow. They're proud of doing this fucking prison tour. I was up there. I partied out with him one time.

What? You party out? You were in a fucking jail cell shooting heroin, sharing a fucking needle with some other guy, and you're partying out. What the fuck partying out is that? Some fucking black transvestite Suck your dick That's a party Really So you gotta remember

The mentality Of some of these guys bro This is it for them This is it Bro I got a fat chick That sends me money I'm straight They get some chick

That wants a boyfriend In prison Cause you know You got a thousand Of them fucking dummies Yeah what's that about A thousand of those dummies Girls are really into dudes

That are in prison That's a common thing A thousand of those dummies. Girls are really into dudes that are in prison. That's a common thing. Thousands of those dummies. They don't fuck. They don't suck. They just bring you groceries. And then it's funny because let's say I date you, right? Let's say I date this girl and she's bringing me groceries.

I'll ask her, dog, you got a homie to hang up, hook up with my boy over here? And she'll say, yeah, I got a homie for you. She needs a boyfriend. She'll be like 450 pounds. She's fat. She's a recession. But this bitch makes like 80,000 a year.

She's dying to have a boyfriend. She goes to that jail. She gets a boyfriend. They take pictures together on the weekends. It's fucking crazy. Wow, that's so weird. It's fucking crazy. And they're not allowed conjugal visits, right?

No, until then comes a time, you know, when you're short. But I don't think they allow conjugal visits because of Boston. I think when that guy was going to be president out of Massachusetts like 10 years ago. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or 15 years ago, he got in trouble. Dukakis. Dukakis had conjugal visits in Massachusetts and somebody killed somebody. So they had to stop him across the country.

Don't please don't. I don't think it was a conjugal visit. I think he had a release, like a temporary release, like a furlough. He could go on the weekends somewhere and he killed somebody. Willie something. I know the feds, like let's say you're in Lompoc or like the low minimum security places. I know you come in for the weekend and fuck somebody. You can? I know you come in for the weekend and fuck somebody. You can?

I know you come in for two days. Willie Horton. That was the guy's name. Downtown Willie Horton. I think that was his name. Wait a minute. Murderer. Yeah, it was a huge scandal, right?

Yeah. Wasn't it? Because he killed somebody on a furlough. That's what it was. What's his name? Willie Horton. It is Willie Horton. Yeah. Because he killed somebody on a furlough. That's what it was. What's his name? Willie Horton. It is Willie Horton. Yeah.

And that's it, bro. And they get out and they got some chick that's feeding them and sending them money every week. How about the other thing with Dukakis?

His wife starts drinking paint. Remember that shit? Do you remember that shit? His wife went crazy and she was drinking everything. She was drinking like antifreeze and like fucking deodorant she was she was just drinking cologne what was she drinking that's like a paint thinner or some shit yeah

she what was that disease called that's actually like no no that's not what it was though was her she was an alcoholic and she was trying to she was trying to break clean and she couldn't do it and so she was trying to break clean, and she couldn't do it. And so she was trying to take anything. That thing where you need paint, like lead, it's like an attraction to lead. That's not what it is. This was an alcoholism thing to Kitty Dukakis. I know the homeless people in Columbus, Ohio, used to always drink alcohol, rubbing alcohol.

That was their thing. Yeah, well, that's what she drank. Kitty Dukakis drank that stuff, too. I mean, it was a huge disaster. Yeah. Yeah, she had a huge battle with alcoholism, apparently. Is she dead now? I don't know.

You drink fucking paint tonight. She's 77 years old. She's still alive. Oh, my God. Keep on rocking in the free world. Well, probably the stress was off her after her husband disappeared from the limelight. Like, being in the limelight is like that? Trying to become the president?

Oh, my God. What a fucking crazy way to live your life. Remember, every four years it's lightened up. Like, now it's impossible. Like, now you have no social life with the cameras and the iPhones. You know, 30 years ago you'd get away with little things as a present. Now they have you on every fucking level, every step. You're responsible.

You know, every word you say is on the internet. You know, the next morning after a state of address, whatever, they got you on every level. It's got to be, that's the hardest job in the world, that and being a professional athlete in New York City. Yeah. No kidding, right? New York City is brutal to people.

They will fucking torment your world, dog. You have one bad game, they will fucking torment you. Yeah, they'll turn on you. And they feel justified because they know how hard they work and they know how much you make. And they're like, fuck him. Fuck you. They get rid of people.

I mean, you know what? The teams don't get rid of people in New York. The media does, basically. Really? Yeah. Look what happened to Mark Sanchez and the Jets. What happened? The media fucking got, you know, was too overpowering.

Look at Tebow doing blow in Miami last week. Didn't he get in trouble for doing blow? I don't know. I don't know. But look, you know, he was a quarterback in New York. The media fucking gets you out before. And they even make a decision. They have to listen to the media.

It's so overwhelming. That's interesting. And especially like a really vocal town like New York. Like they are really, really into their sports. They're vocal, man. They're fucking. Those giant games are brutal. Those jet games are brutal.

Yankees? Those Yankee games are fucking brutal. Yeah, they love it. Bro, we never talked about fucking his Goomy Bears, those testosterone Goomy Bears he was popping. Goomy Bears? Fucking A-Rod. You didn't read about that?

He was taking testosterone Gummy Bears? Gummy Bears, like in the first inning, so he'd be on fire by the seventh inning. That's what he was doing? Bro, you didn't watch 60 Minutes? No. Come on, dog. I thought you knew about this.

I don't know. Homie was kicking shit up to a different level. Gummy bears. Because I guess they piss you after the show. They piss you. Like the UFC, after the fight, after every game, they piss, piss, piss. Right. So how would he get away with it then?

I guess the level would go away. It would just spurt. But you got to read all this. You got to let me know. You got to fill me in on all this shit. He would have to use a fake dick. And it's all hearsay. I mean, the guy never got caught.

They offered him $50,000 to disappear. I mean, it's all fucking hearsay. I don't even know what's really going on. I know the other guy tried to retire yesterday, but I know A-Rod is coming back. He ain't coming back, bro. They just fucking hate him. Who's the other guy? Jeter.

Derek Jeter retired. 20 years. Do you think they're related? Like, he just knows they can't take stuff they used to take anymore? That's definitely happening, right? A lot of guys are getting popped where they used to be able to protect themselves. And then guys like McGuire

and guys who kind of came out about it, now it's like sort of revealing the whole undercurrent of... McGuire was cool. That motherfucker knew that he was on. He pulled a Joey Diaz. He disappeared. He fucking came back looking like... He just just disappeared for nine years he just he knew he knew he just dis a fucking and he he came back and he was like my size he's like a normal person oh yeah yeah he looks like a guy that works out but i mean you remember what a gorilla he used to

look like oh my god they had these forearms, these Popeye forearms, like a horse's leg on the meat of their forearm. Just this manly. Remember Steve Garvey? That motherfucker had the most ridiculous forearms. The Dodgers, yeah, yeah. I remember when I first started lifting weights, when I was in wrestling,

people would talk about Steve Garvey's forearms, and we would do these little wrist curl things with a string. You attach the weight to it and you do it like that and it burns out. We were like, Steve Garvey, Steve Garvey. Get forearms like Steve Garvey. Because he had these, they were ridiculous. They were Popeye forearms. Do they have pictures of it?

Yeah. Yeah, pull up Steve Garvey's forearms. Take a picture of this shit. Some guy's known for their body parts in some weird way, but Garvey was one of them, and he's like an all-American man. Guy looked like he belonged in a fucking G.I. Joe comic book with his sturdy eyebrows. What's the matter?

I'm just looking for a good one that has a good... They don't really have his Popeye arm ones here. Did they show his forearms in any of them what were you in and on about did you see anything oh yeah he was gigantic gigantic they uh when they started did you google his forearms why don't you try that why the fuck would you try that What the fuck Where do you google that Bro you suck at google

Alright whatever Forget it Unless you can find it That motherfucker Had some big ass wrists And he would hold that Fucking bat in his forearms It was just ginormous

There's one picture of it But that looks like him Without a helmet on Which doesn't make any sense. Yeah, that was years later. Yeah, that's him at a charity game or something. Either way. You know, the guy from the fucking Yankees. The Yankees had this Japanese player, Naitichiro Suzuki.

The one they had before him. Brody. Dog, you could see that motherfucker's quadriceps through his pants. Oh, I bet. I used to look and go, what the fuck is that? Like, that's too... There we go. Like an upside-down V.

Yeah. An upside-down V would be coming right down the front of his fucking legs. You're like, God damn. That picture's a shit. It's a fairly decent picture, but you'd really have to see him swinging a bat to realize how fucking ridiculously strong his forearms were. Pretty decent, though. You could see, though. And it wasn't like bodybuilder muscle he had like hairy arms and shit he was a man you know he wasn't all shaved down lean he probably drank beer every night just fucking he just had man strength just crack you with that bat whoa him and Tommy Osorio are getting freaky. Getting freaky. He's got beautiful hair, too.

Guy's a man. Man. Manly man. How did we get on the subject of giant forearms? We were talking about someone with some... Yeah, so the Goomy Bears, he would take these fucking things... Like in the first inning? In the first inning.

And he must have had a rubber dick. He would text the guys, and the guys would text him back. The doctor, he would say, is now the right time? The guy would text him back. Yeah, and he must have had a rubber dick. The guy, he would text the guys, and the guys would text him back, the doctor. He would say, is now the right time? The guy would text him back, yeah, and he would fucking pop the- Oh, I see. You didn't read about that? I see what that, so what that would mean is this probably-

He would time release it. It was time release. Okay, let's find out. Find out what he did. Fucking tremendous. Fucking tremendous, dog. I thought you knew all about this. No, after you take testosterone.

Put A-Rod Gumi Bez and see what comes up. Took PED gummies and dug out. There you go. A-Rod took PED dummies? Gummies. Wow. There's the article. It was revealed by a doctor.

A doctor did it. Damn, a doctor ratted him out. So sad. But he admitted it. He admitted it, right? Well, this is what I think. Let me tell you what I think, bro. Look.

Where's the gummy bears? When people, I think the Yankees have to pay him a lot of money. I think they don't want to pay him. So I think a lot of this, they went after this doctor, gave him some money to tell the jail because everybody else got in trouble. They suspended this guy for a fucking long ass time. You know, like when people want somebody to stop doing something like John Gotti, the feds were going to do whatever they were going to do to get John Gotti and throw him in fucking jail. It didn't matter what they had to do. Lie on the stand. They didn't give a fuck. This is the same thing they're doing with this guy.

What does it say there, Brian? Does it say anything about how long? I'm looking for how long it takes for a test positive. So just see if you can find that, how long it takes, because it'll be too involved for you to keep up a podcast and do it. So they would take it. I bet that's what it is. I bet it takes like eight hours to get into your system or something like that

where you pee it out. Probably doesn't quite get into your piss track. I don't know what it is. I bet it takes like eight hours to get into your system or something like that where you pee it out. Probably doesn't quite get into your piss track or whatever the fuck it is. I don't know what he did after the game. They talked about it on 60 Minutes, what he was doing after the game. Very interesting. Shit. Now testosterone gummies to give you surge for that. So let's say there's a UFC fight.

He's going to fight on the 7 o'clock card. He's the third fight. Yeah. UFC fight, he's going to fight on the 7 o'clock card. He's the third fight. He can pop the fucking testosterone pill or the Gumi while the fight ahead of him is on. You know what's interesting, man? The argument against letting them do that is not that good. Like, you got guys like Jose Canseco. He's fine. He's in his 50s, and he looks great.

Like, that guy was the juice monster. He was the juice monster. I mean, I know he's only one person. I know if you want to do a real study of baseball players, you have to look at a bunch of them that used and or abused steroids. But, man, I don't know. I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen? And is it anything like the worst thing that can happen if you play football?

Because that's fucking legal. Seems like the worst thing that can happen if you play football is you get fucked up. What's the worst thing that can happen if you do MMA? Because that's fucking legal. Seems like the worst thing that can happen if you play football is you get fucked up. What's the worst thing that can happen if you do MMA? Obviously I support that. The worst thing that can happen, you can get fucked up. What's going on with these baseball players that just get bigger? It seems they just get bigger.

McGuire's around, he's not bigger anymore, but he seems fine. He's coaching baseball. Sammy Sosa became a white guy. I don't know what the fuck happened there. What happened there? I don't know. Sammy Sosa, is it like a skin condition? He says it's a skin condition.

I don't know. Maybe he's Michael Jackson, Goomy Biz. Well, my friend who's a doctor told me that there are certain Filipinos that he treats, not that he treats, that his friend treats or someone he knows treats, that take a specific supplement or a specific drug that is designed to make your skin paler. And it's like a common thing that they do this. Here, let me, I don't know why I said Filipinos because he told me that the people that he

knew that had gotten it done were Filipinos. It says that these gummies cycle in and out of the system quickly. Yeah. So a drug test would have to happen right soon after taking it. Really? Yeah, bro. That seems weird. Yeah, bro.

That's weird. You know, we evolve every fucking day. Why wouldn't we think drugs are going to fucking evolve? We evolve every fucking day. I mean, they don't even have edibles no more. They have capsules now that you take that'll put you on a different fucking planet. If you're on a diet or something now, you're diabetic in Hollywood and LA for fucking T8s, everything now. Yeah, this is, let me tell you about this shit that they're doing. This is freaky, man. These people taking this shot to uh lighten their body this is uh

really fucking interesting man yeah they take a few shots of this stuff and it starts to this is weird they have pictures of people before and after they did it oh my. It's intravenous glutathione injections. Whoa. What the hell, man? They gained popularity in the U.S. and Philippines in 2007 and came to Pakistan in a little over a year and a half ago. Wow.

The doctor says, My mission is to help patients battle pigmentation. That's a bad accent, right? Is that how someone from Pakistan talks? Maybe. Yeah, I could get away with it. Maybe. A couple shots.

They start lightening. Dark spots start to fade away. That's interesting. Well, whatever, man. Do whatever the fuck you want to do. What do I care? What is your argument then? You're saying that for ufs for

mma well for mma it's different this is why it's different for mma because your main goal is to inflict damage on people right and if you have an unfair advantage in inflicting damage on people it makes you get away with things you probably wouldn't get away with if you are a mere mortal mere mortal working with a mere mortal's body. There are repercussions to hyper-testosterone levels and hyper-human growth in hormone levels over prolonged periods of time, but there are also benefits of having high testosterone. If you were the type of guy who takes way more than you're supposed to take and does it all the time, you wouldn't be able to do it forever,

but you could conceivably go through a strong camp doing that, and you would have an advantage. You would have a physical advantage. It doesn't mean you're going to win the fight, because there's still skill and technique and will and heart and courage. There's a lot of things that you can't measure and put, you know, you can't quantify them. But what you can quantify is that you take the same person with the same will and the same heart and the same desire, and you give them steroids, they become a badder motherfucker it's just that simple your body recovers faster when your body recovers faster you can train harder and get more work done you can do things that

you can't normally do like work three hard times in a day you know you could do that you mean there's a lot of guys who get through that shit just on sheer force of will force their body to respond but there's other guys who get on the gear. And they get on the gear and they can pop through those fucking three and still hard work, don't get me wrong. They're still putting in some fucking massive hours. They're still busting their ass. They're still exerting a lot of will. But they get a little chemical help.

And that chemical help is undeniable. And part of the problem with that chemical help when it pertains to fighting is that what we like about fighting is not just watching an athlete perform. What we like is the battle of preparation and will and willpower and determination that allowed you to get to be that person that's standing across the octagon from that other person. And knowing in your heart of hearts that this is a 50-50 proposition and you're going to throw yourself into the fire and try to smash this motherfucker this other badass motherfucker that's been training just as hard as you perhaps just as long as you just as deadly as you are and you know how fucking deadly you are but he's juiced to the gills just juiced up here and he's been working out in a way that you haven't been able to because he's been putting in extra sessions

because he's been repairing his muscle tissue really quickly so he has more energy the next day. He has more cardio because he's taking EPO and blood thinners and all those things that cyclists take. He has more growth hormone in his body than a normal person because he's injecting it into his body despite the fact that he's only 26 years old. That shit's real.

That's real. That's real and it's happening. And that's where it becomes a problem because the purity of the competition comes into question when you know that someone's received artificial help. I mean, the argument is that everybody receives artificial help. They're all on it. They all like to say that. Vitor just said that recently.

Everyone's using during camp. He actually said that. Maybe he's right. Obviously, he knows more than I do. He's in those camps. The best I do is do a little training occasionally with guys that fight. I'm not in their camps. I'm not fucking doing two days with them. If Vitor says it, you got to take that for what it's worth. He's a world-class fighter. He's a former champion. He's fought all over the world. If he tells you a lot of guys are using him in camp, I have to assume he's right. Now, if let's say I do a camp, how long till it's out of my system? I do a six-week camp. It depends. I mean, I didn't know about these Goomy Bears, as you say. I'm going to say it like that from now on. Goomy Bears.

No, but this is just- I don't know. I'm talking about I go to Mike Dolce. I'm going to fight fucking Carlos Conduit the first week. You need three. I'm just saying. I'm a 170. I'm a 22-year-old guy. I'm going to fight him.

I got a six-week camp. When do I start shooting and when do I stop? That's a real good question. I mean, I don't know if you would need it if you're 22. The guys who probably start using it, they get a little older and they start using it. It could fuck you up when you're 22. The guys who probably start using it, they get a little older and they start using it. It could fuck you up when you're younger. And it's one of the reasons why some guys have gotten testosterone use exemptions early in their life, like even their young 20s, because they use steroids and then their testosterone shut down, the production shut down.

And so then they might not have even tested positive fighting. You know, that's also a possibility for testosterone use exemption, that you've always had it from the beginning of your martial arts career, that you got a doctor's note before you ever fought, so you never cheated. And it could be because you used steroids when you were younger. You could have been a bodybuilder or a football player or someone who took too much stuff and fucked up their own endocrine system. It's super common. So for a guy like, say, Chris Weidman, who swears up and down that he never uses anything, and I believe him, and I talk to everybody that he trains with, and I believe him. I think he's just a stud athlete.

For a guy like that who doesn't take anything, is it fair for him to fight a guy who's taken something? I don't know. You know, I don't know. It's an interesting question. If the doctors say that you could take these supplements, you could take this testosterone, you could supplement your testosterone. If the doctors say it's okay and you allow that in a world title fight, I almost think that everybody should be allowed to do it. Almost think that everybody should be allowed to do it if that's going to happen. If they're going to continue testosterone replacement, I almost feel like it should be up to the fighter. And that would be a point of discussion when you do the commentary

that, you know, he's chosen not to use testosterone and he fights with his natural testosterone, whereas this guy doesn't. That's almost something that we should talk about like as an option, because people are rigging the system. You're getting charismatic doctors who talk to athletic commissions and tell of a guy who's got a medical problem. But what they leave out is that the guy might have just got off of a six-week steroid cycle. So when they do a test of his blood after he's clean of all of his steroids, his testosterone is low. It's because he just got off of it. It's not what a normal man, you know, 300, 500, maybe 800.

No, his is like 160. Well, why is his 160? Because his body's struggling to regain testosterone production. It's not because he has a sickness that you're addressing with medicine that otherwise he wouldn't be healthy and wouldn't be able to do it. He's, he's done this to himself and we know they've done this to themselves. So that's when it becomes a real issue. When it becomes a real issue is you're, you're favoring people who have cheated. And of course the argument for the people that have gotten caught is, like Vitor said, hey man, everybody's doing this. They're all using.

I got to go with him because he's the guy that's in the trenches. He's the guy that's one of the main guys of the black zillions. If he says everybody's using, who knows what the fuck's going on? Who knows if it's just maybe means a lot of people use when they get injured, maybe means a lot of people use when they go to a doctor because they're dealing with something specific, recovery from surgery, whatever the fuck it is. I don't know, man.

I don't know. But what is all that, Brian? This is supposedly what Alex Rodriguez's alleged drug regime. There was glutathione was on that. Yeah. What's that mean? That's the antioxidant. HGH, GHRP.

Oh, he had glutathione cream. Oh, wow. How weird. Well, listen, man. Think about how much fucking money Alex Rodriguez made throwing and catching a ball.

Hitting a ball. What did he play? What position did he play? I think outfield. I think he plays the outfield shortstop. Think about how much money that motherfucker made. He was a huge star. Huge star.

Huge star. Tons of money. Fucked every bitch. Here's the problem with these guys. This is the only thing I have to defend him. The only thing I have is that their fucking season is long, bro. That's a long-ass season. It's hard to do.

That's a long-ass season. Do they play two games in a row? They do doubleheaders. Yeah, that's what I mean. Four or five in a year, maybe. I don't know what the exact amount is. So how do they do that? They start at noon or something like that?

So they start at noon. But that's not it. I'm talking about they start in fucking. They start playing baseball at the end of January. And they go through October. Yeah, there's already training camp. That's it. They're in Arizona right now throwing a ball around. It's mid-February. That's a lot of January, and they go through October. Yeah, there's already training camp. That's it. They're in Arizona right now throwing a ball around.

It's mid-February. It's a lot of money, man. But, hey, it's a great job. It's a great job. Imagine being a fan. It's a long fucking season, 17 weeks every fucking week. You have one day off of rest after Sunday. You know what Sunday's like?

You don't want to know what you wake up feeling like on Monday. Oh, yeah, I can imagine. Especially if you're a linebacker, you feel like a fucking truck hit you. That's what Sunday's like? You don't want to know what you wake up feeling like on Monday. Oh, yeah, I can imagine. Especially if you're a linebacker, you feel like a fucking truck hit you. That's what's been hitting you. You got hit 18 times by a fucking truck. I remember when I was on the wrestling team, sophomore year of high school, I never worked harder at anything in my entire

fucking life. I couldn't believe how sore I was just walking home every day. You know, we were carrying kids up fucking stairs and doing crazy drills and a lot of fireman's carries, carrying people around the wrestling room. A lot of fucking drills, a lot of wrestling, and then running. I mean, it was unbelievable.

I went from no working out at all to, like, this unbelievable workout schedule. I mean, I think I'd done karate a little bit, but it was barely a workout compared to this wrestling practice. It was like barely. Nothing. Everybody line up. Sidekicks.

Hey. Hey. It was nothing. And the room you're in is 100 degrees for three hours. And asbestos. The room you're in is 100 degrees. Then you've got to run stairs. I used to play football and watch them practicing, and I would die.

And I'd be running sprints with equipment on, and're like, I'm dying and you look over at them and they're on the third floor running fucking 80 times up and down and you're like, God damn. There's no better conditioned athletes than wrestlers and then after wrestlers, mixed martial arts fighters. Mixed martial arts fighters may be even over wrestlers because they have more things to do.

They think about striking, they think about submissions but wrestlers set the pace. One of the reasons why mixed martial arts fighters fight and compete at such a high level is because of the example shown by, like, real high-level wrestlers. They just take conditioning to this whole new place. And then I think, honestly, if I really be honest about it, I think that the elite MMA players take it to another place entirely. They take it to one more place because they involve striking.

I've got to tell you something. I've never looked at the clock and said I wish I could live my life again. But if I was 25 again, I'd be Joe Lozon. I wouldn't want to fight in the gym. I would just want to do jiu-jitsu. Yeah. It's so fucking interesting. What an interesting.

So you wouldn't fight in the UFC, but you would be like a jiu-jitsu competitor. I go to tournaments every year. Joey, why don't you do it now? It's changed your life now. Is that what you said? I'm 51 years old, man. You said it's changed your life now? Yeah. How's it changed your'm 51 years old, man. You said it's changed your life now? Yeah, I love it.

How's it changed your life? I love it. I just think it's, I love getting beat up. I think that when you, it just prepares me for everything. When I go to, see, for me, Jiu-Jitsu is something completely different than what it is for somebody at 20. You know, they want to go to competitions and shit. For me, it's just getting healthy. For me, it's like a goal. Like, when I first went, I I could do three hip escapes now I could do the whole floor and back and I gotta stop you know I could do I can't still do any judo rolls that's great though

hip escape all the way up and back back and then the other one and then the one where you hip escape and pull your leg back and flip around that's how I broke my toe and you know

I'm learning all this shit that I've always loved Joe Lozon I've always loved the jujitsu guys I loved Eddie I loved Marcelo I loved Cobrinha loved the jujitsu guys. I love Eddie. I love Marcelo. I love Cobrinha.

I love jujitsu. I love jujitsu. Once you throw a punch, yeah, it's fun. A kick to the head is fun. But when you see a really, really good jujitsu, like I don't watch no shit on YouTube. I watch videos, music videos, and I watch jujitsu on YouTube. Look at Eddie Bravo. Oh, please. I love him. He's 163. The kid's ripped. No, he's really working hard, man. Jesus. music videos and I watch Jiu Jitsu on YouTube look at Eddie Bravo oh please he's 163

the kid's ripped no he's really working hard man Jesus he did three workouts last Wednesday he goes to John Jock's

every night he's dedicated as fuck bro my friends call me from John Jock and they're like you should've saw Eddie tonight bro yeah he's dedicated

so Eddie's doing like John Jock teaches a class and he's got Eddie on the side so he rolls then he got Eddie on the side

they say it's pretty fucking interesting to watch. That's awesome. I can't go to the fight. I'm in Florida that week. Oh, yeah? No way.

When he called me, I was already booked. Move that shit. I can't. Did they sell tickets? With that squad, baby. Ugh. Damn.

Yeah, it's Fort Lauderdale, and I can't. Damn, I want you to be there for that. Me too. He wanted me to. I told him, no, I wouldn't walk down

the thing with him. He goes, why not? I go, remember fucking when James walked down fucking whatever. I ain't walking nobody down. That's a kiss of death. I ain't no fighter. Why are you looking at me like that? You know what I'm saying?

So what? You're a friend. You provide energy. But I swear to God, I would love to be 25 just to start jiu-jitsu. Just so I could. Just a camaraderie. Has it gotten, how long have you been doing it now? Since May.

I'm terrible. Has it gotten you in better shape, though? Yeah. You feel that? Oh, fuck yeah. I still gas out after, like, the second sparring session. I'll gas out the third minute. But, dog, when I went, I was gassing out the first minute.

I hold my breath, you know, when I think. Right. You know, you hold your breath when you think. Yeah. I go Tuesdays. I go to kettlebells. Like these three weeks I've been off. So I go to kettlebells Monday, Wednesdays, and Friday mornings.

Then I go to jiu-jitsu Tuesdays. I couldn't go today because I had to come here at 3. But I'll go tomorrow night to the beginning of class, and then I'll do Marcelo Madness a little bit, and that's fucking brutal, bro. What's Marcelo Madness? 50 burpees in between everything else he teaches you so my 50 burpees walk lunges 50 burpees 25 push-ups 50 burpees

i can't do that work that's a lot i can't do a burp i can't do a burp why so many burpees because he wants he's john jock he's brazilian he wants you to be really tired by the time he teaches you the technique and then you roll later on well they say that the best way to really figure out how to fight when you're tired is to fight when you're tired all the time. Fight when you're tired all the time. Just do it in the gym so that you use technique and you don't use strength. That's the idea behind it. But the problem with that is I think that's real good mentally and psychologically.

I think that's real good. But skill learning, you learn skills best. You get the sharper technique when you're not tired. So I think that it's probably a super important aspect to training. But the best way to do it is almost definitely go through drills first. I'm going to Regan's workshop. Most people. I hear you, man.

The 23rd. I'm going to Regan's. Yeah, are you? Yeah, I'm going to his workshop. I love Regan. One Saturday. It's a Sunday. I'm going with Salami.

When is it? What day? The 23rd. Of this month? Yeah, you'll going to his workshop. I love Higgin. One Saturday. It's a Sunday. I'm going with Salamit. When is it? What day? The 23rd. Of this month? Yeah, you'll be coming back from Vegas. Ah. It's at 1230 down in, not Beverly Hills, but the other school off Ocean. I love Higgin.

I've never met him, but he's a really big guy. I held time for him in Abu Dhabi when he was fighting in Abu Dhabi in 2003. Yeah. I was there, and he would call out to me like because he was out of shape it was just uh he hadn't trained at all he just he was so good that he could just like show up and and just start rolling with like the best guys in the world in the heavyweight division i mean he is just such a beast he's so technical and he's he's he's as old school as you get there's a great old video of hegan rolling with hicks and gracie and uh it's like when they were both young and

it's a it's a crazy video and hickson was older than hegan but hegan rolling with hicks and gracie and uh it's like when they were both young and it's a it's a crazy video and hickson was older than hegan but hegan was like the dangerous up-and-coming cat and uh you know he would call up he'd look at me and i have to yell out like three minutes left one minute left two he's a big guy right he's big now he was like pull up up Hicks and Gracie versus R-I-G-A-N Machado. There's a video. It's kind of cool to watch because this video is, you know, Hicks and what's R-I-C-K. This video is from like the early days, like the 1980s or some shit when they were both young in Brazil. And they're both, you know, they're growing up.

Most people in the world don't even know what jiu-jitsu is most of the world has no idea that brazilian jiu-jitsu exists and down there in rio are these two super alpha predators going after each other in this incredible high level jiu-jitsu match it's submission match this is them going at it here i mean this is some old shit what's going on laptop is that the laptop yeah um these guys if you if you know if you watch this i mean this is like some real high level jujitsu still to this day this is like you could see these guys rolling like with this technique that they're exhibiting right here you can see these guys rolling like this in the Mundiales. I mean, these are elite, elite, elite grapplers. And this is back before anybody knew about it.

What year is this, Brian? Here, I'll pull it up. Hold on. Seems like pre-VCR. No, it's not. Ew, what's the gross music behind it? Who did that, you fuckhead? In 19? Okay.

Well, yeah. That's hard to tell. I'm trying to find it. It's incredible, though, when you watch that video. Does it say here? Nope, doesn't say. I think, if I had to guess, I think it was probably the late 80s. But I'm not sure.

But Hickson got him, eventually. Eventually he got him. He could not handle the pace. Hickson's the greatest of all time. I don't know if Hickson tapped him. I think he did. But Hickson is... It says the only person... Oh, Ron Tripp is the only person credited with the, uh, victory over Hickson Gracie.

But that shit's ridiculous because he beat him in judo and all he did was take him down. He knee-pawnd him or e-pawnd him, whatever it is, when someone throws you, like, a serious throw, like, the match is over. But Hickson was fine. Like, Hickson wanted the fight to go to the ground so he could submit him. So when they say you credit a guy with a victory in a match like that, like, yeah, I guess so. But it's by judo rules. It's not what Hickson's doing.

If Hickson and Ron Tripp were to roll and Ron Tripp beat him, that would be a different thing. If they were to spar or, you know, have a jiu-jitsu competition, just an all-out grappling competition to submission. I got my money on the Brazilian son. What a great sport. Yeah, it's an awesome sport. I can't wait to get back, man. My back is pretty much

100% now. And the kids I go with, they're half my age, bro. And it's just fun to go. They know who you are? Yeah, they ask me to listen to the podcast. They want to come watch me perform. They know who you are? Yeah, they ask me, listen to the podcast, they want to come watch me perform. They came to the Ice House. You know,

they're really fucking good kids. And my problem is that I come back on Sundays, they all go to contests. I love to go see them and support them. You know, like they went to the

Gracie's, two of them went to the No Gi part. But I'm going to be in San Jose for the World Gracie's July 13th. Oh, really?

A weekend, yeah. I'll stop down by my man Dave Camarillo, another one of my jiu-jitsu idols, and then I go to the Worlds, you know, and go watch them and see what it's about live. You know, it's really interesting. I've never really watched it. I've only went to one match. You've got to come to some of the UFCs. We haven't seen you in a while.

I'm coming. I'm going to Orlando. Which one are you coming? Orlando? Orlando, Sierra, Sarah. And Baltimore. And Baltimore. John Jones and Glover Teixeira.

But I'm really excited about Misha Tate and Karmouche. That's going to be a fucking barnyard, fucking two gorillas fighting. It's amazing where, listen, in a year, they won't even need those fucking ring girls no more. Unless those bitches could grapple. We don't need you walking around with some fucking sign that says number three. Go fuck yourself. We got bitches pulling each other's ass now, punching each other in the fucking face. Why don't they have ring guys?

I think that the girls should have ring guys. That's what I think, man. I mean, if we're not going to be sexist. If we're not going to be sexist and, you know, Misha Tate and Ronda Rousey are going to duke it out. Who would you recommend for a ring guy? Maybe you. That's what I was thinking. Come on, dog.

Maybe you and a Speedo. Come on. You know how awesome that would be? If you were the ring card girl and a Speedo boy and a Speedo and some shower sandals. I think even Misha Tate would tap out and say, that's my boy and shit. Look at him. That's my dog. Yeah, you with an unharnessed pair of boxers, unharnessed boxers, just loose, just swinging dick.

You know, like the opening scene of the Dee Antwoord video where he's flinging his dick up and down. Remember that part? Yeah. Where he's beatboxing and it's in slow motion and you see his dick. That would be you. That would be you. That would be you as the ring card girl.

I don't know if you watch a lot of the fights. Play that part of the video. I don't know if you guys watch a lot of the fights afterward. I just re-watched the whole Ronda Rousey, Misha Tate card. And that fight was- You know, you can type quicker with two hands. That fight was so fucking good. That fight was so fucking good to Misha Tate, Ronda Rousey.

Ronda Rousey was great for it. And it was so technical and just to see where women have come and where they're going to go now. Because the ones in some gym in San Diego and some gym in Iowa, the 14-year-olds, they're going to be fucking monsters. Oh, yeah, especially now when they see how famous Ronda Rousey is. Yeah, now these 15-year-olds, they're training, that look like men, and they're like that chicken, what was the fat chicken,

the baseball movie with Madonna, remember? Where is it? Gina Carano? No, the other one. The other one that the father brought her and he was telling John Lovitz, you know, she don't look that good. And then they brought her out to see John Lovitz and John Lovitz was like, like he was

scared of her. He's like, you can't take her out in the daytime. Like they have those ugly chicks to the training somewhere right now. Oh yeah. They're going to be fucking. See, the UFC goes after the hot ones because that's what people pay for. No, no. They go after the best fighters. There's a lot of them that aren't hot at all. You got the

dick swinging? This is you. Well, just find the part where his dick is flopping around. Don't play the music. Just find the part so we could because I think we'll get in trouble if you play the music. I don't know if, there it is.

That's you, Joey. He looks like Einstein. He looks like Einstein? Yeah. But picture you in some pink Floyd shorts like that, carrying a ring card sign. Just slinging dicks up and down in Vegas. Free balling. Total free ball.

Shit. Unharnessed cock. They couldn't deal with me. They could deal with it. They would have to. And the nutsack. That's the real wrecking ball. That nutsack coming behind you. That's the real fuck. They couldn't deal with it. They could deal with it. They would have to. And the nutsack, that's the real wrecking ball. That nutsack coming behind you, that's the real kettlebell.

Come on. Cock. Cock. That fucking nut I got is tremendous, Doug. Why don't they have ring card boys? Well, get Dana White on the phone and tell him. Get some fuckers. Are you serious?

I'm fucking dead serious. Is that real quick? Because the audience is 100% guys almost. No, no, no. And no one wants to see a dude walking around. That's the whole showmanship of boxing and wrestling. One for one fight. I bet the audience has an equal proportionate women fighting on the card ratio to women being in the audience ratio.

Probably more stronger to women in the audience ratio. So if you've got a card and there's nine fights on the card and one of those fights is a girl fight, the next one in February, two of those fights are a girl fight. Two of those fights are a girl fight. If there's 20% of the audience that are there that are girls, I say at least one ring card boy. Getting like Chuck Congo with that big yoke.

Chuck Congo. With a thong out there shaking that big yoke and shit. It's all over. Like a root. Like a root. Like a root of an ebony tree. Dana, resign that motherfucker. Be a ring guy.

Just walk around. Bursting through the concrete. That's what they want to see. The size of Congo's cock. Yes. Fucking hitting Mike Goldberg in the head as he runs by and shit. It's like one of those roots in an old neighborhood that pushes up the sidewalk. Every time I look at Chuck Congo, I'm like, damn.

I wonder who he fucked in the ass last night. He came up to me. He had listened to us talk about his dick on the podcast. No, he didn't. And he came up to me laughing. He's like, down here. And he's like, just like half-arts chopping towards his leg. That's one of the things that we were saying.

No one said hello to me at the airport one day. He said hello to me. He's a good man. Chuck Conley's a good man. Yeah, he just kept running. He's man it's a good fighter too he's fighting he's doing well in bellator just uh just won one by tko good fight too against um uh a former like a really good fighter where the fuck did he fight actually i think he's fought twice now i think so let me pull it out but i think i know he fought peter graham pretty pretty know he fought Peter Graham. Pretty sure he fought Peter Graham,

who's a really high-level kickboxer in his last fight. Mark Goober. Maybe someone else fought Peter. Oh, yeah, he did fight Peter Graham. Yeah. Congo versus Coroz. Congo won by unanimous decision That's a pretty impressive win Because Peter Graham's a serious kickboxer

Not like the best MMA fighter Congo has more MMA experience But Peter Graham's a motherfucker in kickboxing He broke Badr Hari's jaw with a cartwheel kick You ever see a guy throw a cartwheel kick? He threw like this Ridiculous cartwheel Put your hand on the ground wheel kick,

and he broke Badr Hari's jaw. See if you can find that. Peter Graham K.O.'s Badr Hari. It's a crazy kick. Like really bizarre kick. Shattered his jaw, too. Knocked him out cold. And him and Badr Hari got in a fight at a press conference,

like fucking full-on fist fight at a press conference. Those Dutch dudes are crazy, man. They don't give a fuck. That's a totally different world. Look at this guy behind you, dog. Elvis? The best thing that happened to this guy was that they took him at 1977 because he wouldn't have made it out of the 80s.

He would have fucked the 80s up. He had so much money by the time the 80s would have hit. He would have just been taking women up there, snorting blow and shooting them. You don't give him that Memphis Mafia. They didn't give a fuck. If you really read about Elvis,

you realize one thing. That motherfucker was crazy. Like Sinatra was crazy, but this motherfucker was crazy. I read a chapter in the Led Zeppelin book where Led Zeppelin went to his house one night,

and this motherfucker didn't wake up for nobody. Nobody. He didn't wake up. He didn't wake up for nobody. Nobody. He didn't wake up. He didn't wake up until like 5 or 6. And there better be a cheeseburger and a blowjob waiting for him. That's not Potter Hard. That's Carter Williams.

That's Peter Graham versus Carter Williams. So this motherfucker waited for Led Zeppelin, got there at lunchtime. He was out there with a robe on. He gave Bonham his watch. This guy was the real deal, dog. This guy was the real deal. Oh. This guy was the real deal. Oh, Elvis was as crazy as a guy. I just watched an old movie a couple weeks ago.

I'm like, you know what? Look at this motherfucker. It's 2014. This was 1950. I would have jumped out a window in 1950 if I would have seen this motherfucker come out and fucking move in. Jailhouse rocking. God damn, Elvis was a fucking soldier.

He was good, too, man. Yeah, he was fucking good, man. Yeah, he was fucking good. Go back, especially to the early days, and just take him into account as a musician. Jailhouse Rock, that's a great fucking song. I love that. That's my jam.

It's a great song from the 50s. I love a couple of his fucking jams. He has a couple of fucking really good jams. And you can feel his personality and his smile. It's just something about Elvis that he was just... Look at him. At that point, he was all fucked up. He didn't give a fuck.

Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you. Yeah, he was wearing sunglasses in his mugshot. Oh, he was so fucking bad. That's how you know you're high. Yeah, yeah. You're wearing sunglasses in your mugshot. And the cops, what are you going to say to them?

I'm fucking Elvis, guy. Listen. Come on, man. Let me leave him alone. I can't do that. Come on, man. I can't do and your mugshot. And the cops, what are you going to say to them? I'm fucking Elvis, guy. Come on, man. Let me leave him alone. Yeah. I can't do that. Come on, man. I can't do that. It's bright in here.

I'm saying things that aren't here. Come on, man. These are the only things that keep me from the spirit world. This one for the money, two for the show. Elvis, please, you can't sing. Three to get ready now, go get go. Don't you. Step on my blue suede shoes.

Who sings that shit? Yeah. Step on my blue suede shoes. You can do what I say, but? Step on my blue suede shoes. Who sings that shit? Step on my blue suede shoes. Fuck. Yeah. He was a bad motherfucker, dude. He took those chicks to town. Women didn't. There it is.

Woo. That's Botter throwing a wheel kick at him. And Peter Graham wound up catching him. That was a crazy fight. Hold on. Where's the knockout? These level kickboxers man here it is watch this boom oh shit oh shit play that shit again this is it's so crazy how he set it up too it was like a cartwheel Like look at his hand drops down when he does it. He like drops down with his right hand and throws his left leg over the top.

Watch this. Watch how he does this. Oh no, okay. You know what it was? He threw a regular wheel kick but he fell. So I'm wrong. He just threw a left leg step. He stepped in and threw a left leg wheel kick.

But god damn. That kick is like getting shot with a sniper rifle. I wish I could fall and knock somebody out. Well, that was, you know, he fell from the turn, the torque of the turn. That was an incredible kick. By the way, Edson Barbosa, the first guy to ever land one of those in the UFC, he's fighting Donald Cerrone. When? That's on Fox in Orlando.

Oh, shit, Joey Diaz. That card is packed. Oh, fuck yeah, it is. That's got, now is, what's his name still at the Black Zillions? Overeem? Oh, he left. Yes. Oh, he's still on.

Well, he trains with them. He's still a part of their team, but he did a lot of training in Thailand for his last fight. Did they get rid of the Cuban? He's injured right now. What Cuban? Did they get rid of the Cuban? He's injured right now. What Cuban? Did they get rid of Mir? No.

No. As far as I know, Mir hasn't been cut. I haven't heard anything. I love Frank Mir, but it's just time to move on. I don't think his heart's in the game. I love him. I fucking love him. I'm one of his biggest fans, but after the last fight.

I don't think he's at, he's not in New Mexico no more. Well, for this fight, he wasn't. He wasn't. He doesn't like training away from home. You know, it's like to keep up with these new animals, you have to keep yourself

up at a different fucking pace. It's like me saying to you, you know what, for my CD when I tape it, I'm not going to go on the road. I'm just going to do

sets at the flappers. You're going to go, okay, Joey. Okay, Joey. Okay, Joey. You're not going to go on the fucking road. You're not going to go

on the road and try your material. You're going to go to flappers and do 10 minutes every fucking night. That's what you're telling me. Okay, Joey, you're not going to go on the fucking road. You're not going to go on the road and try your material. You're going to go to Flappers and do 10 minutes every fucking night. That's what you're telling me? Okay, Joey. Okay. That's what it's like to me. Right.

When you do a training camp, I think you should go and, you know, sink in for six weeks. It's like when I was a kid. You had basketball and football camps, and people couldn't figure out. Like, every time, like, dog, did you see Joe Rogan? He went to Willis Reed basketball camp. That motherfucker came back badder than ever. No, because for five days, you were around pros. And they told you little things.

Like, hey, don't put the ball past your waist. They just corrected you. Like, I went to Joe Namath football camp. One of the best experiences I ever had. I came back faster. Yeah. I came back faster. Because they taught you how to run.

From 7.30 to 8 every morning, they taught you how to run, something nobody ever did. Sometimes it's just being around other people that are really good. Seeing a guy who hits a ball great. Seeing a guy who runs fast makes you want to run faster. It makes you really want to dig in. Seeing guys that are really good at a sport. And it takes that emotion of being home, my wife, this and this. You know what?

I'll hang till 9. What's the rush? When we're married, I got to leave Jiu-Jitsu and run home. Dinner. When you're not, you can stay at the gym till 10 o'clock at night. Yeah. Because after the 7 o'clock training, there's talk. That's when we fight him, watch for the right hook, right for the left hook.

So that's why I always start training away is very smart. Fighters don't like it. It's just hard on their families. Sure. That's where guys- Look at us. We leave every other fucking week. That's hard on our family.

Six weeks. Six weeks away is a long time. That's tough. That's tough. That's not two days- Look at us. We leave every other fucking week. That's hard on our family. But it's a difference. Six weeks. Six weeks away is a long time. That's tough. That's tough. I used to do it when I used to blow. That's not two days, three days like we do. I used to blow. I disappeared for fucking three months. Now I gotta come back in three days or I lose my fucking mind, man.

I agree with you though. I think the only way to do it and compete at the highest level is you gotta go somewhere. Or be lucky that you live in a town. Like if you live in New Mexico or if you live in LA- If you live in Duke Rufus, Milwaukee, you you know, you're around the corner from Duke or something. You know, you're at Reign or you're at King's MMA or something like that. But still, I think you got to move around. Even with me, they tell me, listen, Joey, you know, you come here to G-Mac as a white.

V-Mac, where I go for jiu-jitsu, it's a white belt school. They've only been open for two years. They got a couple blue belts they put on. So a lot of John Jock people come down. I don't have the balls. But you're just in it for a good exercise. Yeah. I mean, right?

But I'm in it to learn something. Right. You know, I got a daughter. Somebody attached me. I like to take them down north-south and get the fuck out of there. You know, I'm a kid. Eddie Brown will call me. He's like, dog, all you need to do is learn the north-south.

Don't fuck with anything else. Just north-south motherfuckers. Is he on a north-south kick? Yeah, but no. He had to tell me. And then Salami's got a nasty north-south. That's what I heard. I heard the Rashans got the nastiest out of all of them.

Oh, he's got a very good. Eddie told me to talk to Rashawn about learning. Yeah, Rasan. Eddie sent me to Rasan. Yeah, Rasan has a really good North-South choke. He goes, so I did it up at Van Nuys, 10th Planet, and fucking the guy did it to me. Bro, my eyebrow was fucked up for three hours. That's how good the North-South choke for me.

He was a light guy. He just taught me how to do it correctly. It's harder with the gi. He told me that it's better no-gi. I don't know no-gi. I just need to. It's harder to get your arm in the right position with no-gi underneath the guy's chin.

Bro, when that guy did it to me, my eyebrow was blinking for like three hours on the 101. It kept fucking blinking. That's how hard he tapped my fucking face, dog. Yeah, that can be a choke or it can be a neck crank, depending on how you get it. Jamie Varner tried for it in his last fight.

In his last fight, yeah, in the first round. Right there he tried it, right in the beginning. But you could see that there was space between his chest and the ground. When you watch Rassan do it, Rassan gets his lat

on the side of your head, and he gets this forearm under your neck, and he's pinned down to the ground, and he is squeezing the holy fucking Jesus out of your neck. It's technique.

It's all about getting in the perfect position. It's like the difference between trying to finish off a triangle when it's over your toes and taking the time to adjust when it's over the ankle, and you get that real solid fucking death triangle that no one gets out, and then you pull the head. The guys who leave it on the toes, either they're afraid that in the transition and adjustment that they're going to lose the position or they just don't have a good triangle. But whatever the reason is, it's just little details, little details, not over the toes, but over here.

Bam. That's one of the things that Eddie is so good at. Eddie Bravo, in my opinion, is one of the best instructors in the world. And I don't just say this because he's one of my favorite human beings and my best friend. He's a brilliant instructor. Like the way he breaks down positions and tells you about all the possible pitfalls. He's one of the best in the world.

I mean, I think there's a series of best in the world. There might not be one best in the world. John Jock Machado is clearly also one of the best in the world. Draculino, clearly one of the best in the world. Hoyler Gracie, one of the best in the world. Hoyce, Heron, Henner, there's a whole series of them, but Eddie Bravo is right up there with them. That motherfucker breaks down positions very technically

and gives you this really strong path and then gives you adjustments to deal with pitfalls in each path. Like, what happens when you lose that position? Well, then you go back to this, and then you stop from here, make sure he doesn't go here. It's all so technical and so broken down, you know as like as a science like a mathematical science almost one day I did notice about John jocks guys. They kill us. Oh, yeah Oh, no doubt John jock trains his people and they the people that trained me from John jock

I could see how they stress like Joey fucking use your weight guy Put that fucking form in his face. Like, they're like, Joey, you're being nice to this guy. Why are you being so nice to this guy? Put your fucking forearm. I can't hurt nobody. I don't have it in me. Put your fucking forearm in there.

That they know. Like, this one brown belt took me. This guy was dirty from, he was a Spanish kid from John Jocks. And this kid was like, dog, on this north-south, I want you to twist this motherfucker and rip that fucking arm out. That's all you're doing fuck that north-south pussy shit This guy was like rip it. That's what you got Take that fucking geek pull him in grab that wrist and pull that fucking arm back sounds like a nightmare to roll with guy Don't this guy was on me. I mean he fucked me up, but he was right he goes you got this weight You're wasting it. Why are you wasting this fucking weight? I don't think it's creative for me.

For me, it's like improvising. I could go in there and improvise anytime I want. It's a 50-50 shot. I don't like using my weight. I love attacking from the bottom. I'm just too fucking fat and out of shape. But that's my dream. But you can work on that, though.

If you just watch your diet and keep doing this. Yeah. Oh, no, no. I could do it. You could do it. You did it already. I love it. You already lost 80 pounds.

I love it, bro. And I've lost 18 since that testosterone debacle, bro. That's beautiful. I love, you know, I could do, like the other night, some Japanese girl fucked me up. I was just working on my guard. I just wanted to hold her in my guard. But the guy who really, like the John Jock black belt who teaches me is funny. Somebody said to me, you know, that guy, him and John Jock have moves like from 1960s, but they're your type of moves.

Like, the first move he taught me was when they tried to butterfly me, I put my knee in his ass and pick his legs up. And I was doing that all the time and killing people and just laying on him and shit. And he's like, that's an old school. Old school trick. Trick, all those little things, that's what he has. And I could see where Eddie came in and evolved a lot of those moves now. Now I understand the beauty of Eddie Bravo. When you guys would just talk to me in the car,

I didn't know what the fuck you were saying. I mean, there's only one way to armbar a motherfucker. What are you guys talking about that he made it better? I understand now. The transition into the armbar and all that shit, I get it now. Well, John Jock, you know, one of the beautiful things about John Jock is that he encourages people to work on new moves and try new things. And he's very open.

He rolls with everybody. And, you know, he's one of the best in the world. I mean, Jean-Jacques is, I mean, he's a red belt under Hickson Gracie. I mean, Hickson gave him his red belt. That's like master status. I mean, and I would say there's, you know, maybe five people on the planet that have the type of jujitsu knowledge that Jean-Jacques has. I mean, he's a real old school master, but he's also very open-minded and he likes when people do different things. And one of the reasons is because he had to improvise a lot and change things a lot himself because he was born on one of his hands, his left hand, he only has a thumb. So he can't grab things like you or I can. So he developed a bunch of techniques based on underhooks and overhooks

instead of what a lot of the gi players were doing, which was grabbing collars and grabbing sleeves. Because he couldn't control you with two hands grasping things like this. So he developed a more Greco-Roman-based style. So when they went to Abu Dhabi, when Abu Dhabi started the first submission championships, Jean-Jacques was running through motherfuckers.

And one of the reasons being is Jean-Jacques didn't need a gi. Like the gi didn't help him at all. He didn't, he knew how to use it, but Jean-Jacques was just as good without the gi as with the gi. And that was rare for a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt because so many guys had concentrated on training by grabbing a hold of the gi and grabbing a hold of pants and grabbing a hold of collars.

And on one hand, it makes you more technical because you have to be really careful about your defense when you're in a gi. Because if a guy traps your arm and you're in a gi, you can't just pull out of it like you can if you're all sweaty. So it requires a more technical defensive attack or defensive maneuvering. And you've got to be real careful of getting yourself into bad positions and trying to ape out of them because you might not ever be able to. But John Jock was all overhooks and underhooks,

so he didn't lose a step, and he went into Abu Dhabi and was just smashing guys, guys like Sakurai, like really high-level MMA competitors, and John Jock was just dominating them on the ground, just dominating them, taking their back, choking the fucking shit out of them, sliding his one hand that he doesn't have a hand on. It fits into places where the hands get trapped. So he figured that he could get his hand that doesn't have fingers.

There's not as much mass. So he put a point. He slides it under your chin and chokes the fucking shit out of you with it Like John jock is actually almost more dangerous because he only had one hand that just shows you like what human Ingenuity can can come up with when you're in a situation where I give you seen this Nick Newell kid You know who he is. He's an MMA fighter who has one arm and he's fucking people up an MMA fighter who has one arm and he's fucking people up. He's fighting for the world series of fighting. And, uh, I'm pretty sure he's fighting for the title in his next fight. And this fucking kid is a beast. He's got one arm. He's got a right arm, his left arm. He was born with a,

and some sort of a birth defect where his arm only goes down to his elbow, but he's still strangling motherfuckers taking guys down guillotining them he's got this nasty guillotine that he does with like the one arm that's a nub and then the other full arm and it's like he gets you in that and it's your ass it's death it's death pull up nick newell guillotine choke it's a really impressive i love seeing shit like that man i love seeing someone who overcomes something that, you know, they just got a shit hand that the world dealt them. The world dealt them the only one hand.

They don't even think about it. They're like, fuck it, I'm going to move on. Well, it makes them so determined. You know, it just shows you how much about succeeding at something is in the mind and how much is the mind finding the correct path, finding a way to overcome? The mind is everything. It's not just the body.

Because if a guy like this can be this successful, I mean, granted he's fighting in an organization where he's facing a level of competition, a step below the UFC. I'm still, as a person who's been analyzing fights most of my life, I'm still impressed with him. I'm very impressed with him.

He's dangerous. This kid's fucking real. Like, I'm looking at that guillotine, I'm like, that is a death guillotine. You get caught in that fucking thing, he's going to squeeze the blood out of your brain. You ain't getting out. It doesn't matter if he's got one arm. I'm watching how he's doing this. Nick Neal?

Newell. Newell. N-E-W-E-L-L. I'm watching how he's doing this, and I'm like, this kid's an animal. He's scary. I had a teacher in high school, Mr. Panacucci, lost an arm in Vietnam to his elbow. What a great name.

He would fucking hit you with that stub during class. If you disrespected him, he would clock you with that fucking stub, and you don't know what the fuck to do. You know what I'm saying? Wow, that's hilarious. See if you can find one of his videos. Because he always wins by guillotine. Just load it up and let me know when it's ready.

So, did you hear what happened with the UFC this weekend? Rashad Evans gets injured. They're going to qualify it off with Cormier, but they had a replacement on the line. Pat Cummins. Pat Cummins. Who I've known for a while. Ryan's had this kid for a while, and he has the hardest time getting in fights. Nobody wants to fight this kid.

He's a fucking beast, man. He's a beast. I mean, what a tall order. Ryan Parsons. He's Ryan Parsons' guy. The guy who got hit with a golf ball. Same guy. I love Ryan Parsons.

I can't even think about him getting hit. Don't fucking play golf no more. Six months. Six months fucked up. Yeah. again. Don't fucking play golf no more. Six months. Six months fucked up. Well, this kid, Pat, is something, man. He's been talking about this kid for a long time. Huge, huge order for this kid. I mean,

what a difficult task. You're taking on one of the best fucking wrestlers in the world in Daniel Cormier. As far as MMA, one of the best wrestlers to ever fight in MMA. What is this? Guillotine. No, no, Nick Newell.

Nick Newell guillotine? This is him in a grappling match? Yeah. Oh. That's not him, man. He's got two arms. Jesus Christ. Nick Newell.

N-E-W-E-L-L. MMA guillotine. Don't make me find it you fuck so this guy who we both know I know Pat pretty well and I know that

Ryan has been trying to get this kid to fight for a long time but nobody wants to fight him it's really hard to get him fights in smaller shows

because they find out about his wrestling credentials and they're like oh Jesus two time all American US national and undefeated fighter Pat Cummins really hard to get him fights in smaller shows because they find out about his wrestling credentials and they're like, oh, Jesus. Two-time All-American, U.S. National, and undefeated fighter, Pat Cummins, now faced the undefeated Daniel Cormier.

It's a fucking crazy task, though, to take that at such a short notice. But he's an undefeated collegiate wrestler. There's going to be a good fight. You know more than me. Undefeated fighter, actually. You know more than me. Corn Mears improved every time he fights, bro. He's unbelievable.

He makes leaps and fucking bounds, that guy. And the sweetest fucking guy in the world. Oh, yeah. The sweetest Creole motherfucker you could meet. The sweetest guy in the world. Yeah. He came to one of the shows when I did the big one in San Jose, and we spoke for a little while in the back, and it was just,

it really was really nice talking to him. What a great guy. And he's friends with Stevie Maco, all those guys. Where's King Moe? King Moe lost to the hardcore kid. What's his name? Emmanuel Newton. He lost to Emmanuel Newton.

So he's got one arm. The dude's got one arm. Dude's got one arm. He's choking people. Oh, my God. Now, what about the guy? Who was the black guy with the dredge from Africa? Sokajou. Where is he?

Sokajou lost to Musashi, who is fighting Lyoto Machida this weekend. When did he fight Musashi? Sokajou also lost to Glover Teixeira. He also lost to Machida. The first fight. That was Machida. One of Machida's. That was the one that you, I was like, ugh.

Yeah. This big black guy's going to fuck him up. I was at the fight. You took me. Yeah, so could you. I think the last loss was Musasato. Now, he's still fighting out of Henderson's camp? Because he was out there for a while. I don't know.

I don't know about that. I know he was. But he was a guy that was an unbelievable athlete. Incredible judo. What a fucking physical strength that guy had, too. So could you just, for whatever reason, injuries, his head, who knows what it was, just never quite put it together. Not in the UFC.

Maybe he'll come back. We'll get Robbie Lawler to put it together. Well, that's the thing about Sokachu. He's still a young guy. A lot of people don't know. How old is Sokachu? He's not even 30. Yeah, he'll be back in the UFC.

At least I don't think he is. At least he wasn't back then. I mean, maybe he's 30 now. But when he first began his career, I'm pretty sure he's a pretty young guy. It's really a great thing to see when you're struggling for a long time and all of a sudden everything comes together at one time. We were talking about Mark Maron when I came in here, how I did his TV show and I did the podcast.

I don't know what went on or whatever. I never had no problems with the guy. He reached out to me. I did the podcast. It was really good. But you guys had a thing a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. Something about just something stupid.

Well, you know, he was also, for the longest time, Mark was just not that happy because he just wasn't doing that well. And he knew he was a good comic, but he just, for whatever reason, things weren't clicking for him. He wasn't getting the success that he wanted. So he was more irritable, you know. So a lot of the conflict was kind of created during that period of turmoil in his life. But now he's pretty chill.

I've known Mark a long time. And one thing about Mark Maron is he's always been a hard worker. Yeah. After I met Mark, he went to New York and put a, he went to Israel, remember? He put that plane together. And that was a great fucking one-man show. Wrote a book, too. Yeah, that was a great thing.

You know, Mark's never stopped, bro. No. The mark of real comics is that we don't stop. Just because you don't see me, it's like I tell people all the time, look, Joe Diaz is funny and we have a great time on the podcast, but you're missing out on life if you don't go see David Tell this year. You're really missing out on life if you don't see some of these old-timers that aren't selling tickets.

Just because they're not selling tickets, go see him. Go see Jim Brewer. He's squeaky clean and he'll blow your fucking shoes off. That's what I heard. Bro, you know that. He's squeaky clean and murdering. That's what I heard about Brewer. I heard he's murdering.

Bill Burr told me that Jim Brewer's bit about his dad shitting his pants is possibly the funniest bit he's ever seen in his life. Brewer's a monster, man. Bro, Brewer's been a monster for years. For years. You told me you had a hard time once following him. I did. I bombed following him. It wasn't a hard for years, for years. You told me you had a hard time once following him. I did. I bombed following him.

It wasn't a hard time. I ate dick. And he was one of the only guys in Miami that used to follow me. You know, in Miami, I wrote my own tick. I did two lines of coke and went up there. I'd take your fucking head off. Dude, I worked with you in Miami. That motherfucker went up there and was like, watch this, bitch, and just shut everybody

the fuck down. This is when he was getting high. Now he's clean and sober. Yeah. He's just as good, if not better. Better, bro. Listen, it's 20 years, Joe Rogan.

Uh-huh. It's 15 years, and it all comes together, just like Robbie Law. Yeah. It all comes together. After a while, you shut this hole down,

this hole gets better. Yeah. This thing gets better. This isn't a weakness no more. Do you know what we found out about Robbie Law? We found this about from War Machine yesterday, and Mike Cessna-Levitz, he listened to the podcast,

and then he got a hold of me on Twitter and let me know it's true. Robbie Lawler doesn't spar. He wrestles. And he does all of his striking work, kicking pads and hitting the mitts and hitting the back. So he goes into these fights with no damage. He goes into these fights with a rock-solid chin. He goes into these fights with no damage. He goes into these fights with a rock-solid chin. He goes into these fights with no punishment on his body.

I mean, a little punishment, I'm sure, from wrestling. And they ask him why. He's like, why should I do that? I already know how to fight. I mean, if he wasn't knocking people the fuck out, I would question it. But we played his fight yesterday with Melvin Manhoof when he knocked out Melvin Manhoof. And look what he just did to Rory McDonald. He had Rory McDonald in deep shit.

Deep shit. He's a bad motherfucker. Him and Hendrix is a crazy fight. That's a crazy fight. God damn, I can't wait to see that fight. That's a fucking top-notch fight. But imagine that. He says he doesn't spar.

He's very smart. He put it together. That's incredible. He said, you know what? I got an idea. I'm not going to go in there with a black eye on my ear. I'm going to go in there fucking fresh and kill somebody. And it might work for him.

It might not work for somebody else, bro. You know why I think it probably works for him? Because he's so calm. He's so calm. He's been doing it so long. Like, he's so calm. You know they offered him the fight for the title. He said, cool.

That's what he said. He's got, like, this weird stoic demeanor. So I think that he doesn't get too rattled and worry about the timing like some people would do. He just goes after it. Guys like him, the guy from New Orleans, the crazy kid from New Orleans, the brother. Tim Crater? No, the black kid. Alan Belcher?

No, from New Orleans. Oh, Melvin Gillard. Melvin Gillard. They've had over 40 fights. I'm record. That's what you heard about. What about the other 20 that they didn't? Their confidence is right there.

You see somebody like John Jock on the bottom, he ain't even sweating. I'm on the bottom. I'm dying. I'm about to shit my pants. That's experience. Yeah. You know, when I go on the stage now and I say two jokes and they don't matter, I don't give a fuck.

I'm going to get myself out of this motherfucking hole. That's experience. Sometimes I go on stage and I do things that I know I couldn't do six years ago. I know I couldn't do seven years ago. And if Robbie Lawler is really doing that and not sparring in camp, then he has a longer life in fighting than a lot of people. Because the only punches he's taking are he's taking them in fights. But he's still going into the fight with a lot of mitt work he's still going into the fight hitting the bag still going to fight using rubber bands and weights he still is visualizing he's still

the guy's holding the pads he's ripping to the body when the guy's wearing body shields he's still hitting things real interesting man real interesting because if if that turns out to be like an effective strategy, boy, that's going to reca- I mean, I don't know if it would work for everybody. It might not work for everybody. But for him, if you could find other guys that follow that, boy, your career would last longer.

Let me ask you a question. Let's say you take your comedy. Let's say you're doing a special. And your goal is to write every day two hours, one hour in the morning, one in the afternoon afternoon and then you do a set at night let's pretend you don't go out that night and do a set for one month you just stay in and write that extra hour do you think it's going to affect your performance that that follow me that's he's doing the same thing in a different way if i was a comic getting ready for something i just said to you joe i't going to waste my time going out. Yeah, but the difference is he's not taking damage.

When you're sitting at home and you're not going to comedy clubs, there's no benefit. What he's getting is a very big physical benefit, meaning everybody goes into fights busted up. Everybody goes into fights with sore ribs. Everybody goes into fights with a headache. They go into fights with a sore nose. They might have loose teeth.

They might have fucking hurt hands. He's not. That's an advantage. That's a physical, tangible advantage. My point is, look at Rodney. Rodney quit comedy all those years. When he came back, he had four notebooks worth of jokes. For years, they kept putting them on TV,

and every time you saw Rodney, he had six new minutes. People couldn't figure it out. Watch a biography. It was that this motherfucker had eight notebooks all those years that he wasn't going on stage. He kept writing. Wow. Kept writing.

And every time he did a new six minutes, they're like, what the fuck? He's got 10 hours, guy. You're slipping with this guy. So I think, you know, if there's nights that... I have a thing now. If I work during the week, you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

I'll take a plane at five in the morning. I won't go out during the week. But I'll take that time and write a little bit at night just so I have a different avenue to go in there with. If I'm not going to waste my time at night because I'm out all fucking week. I'm going to go out two nights, three nights during the week and then four, talk to people.

You know, I'm 50-fucking-1 next week. You do know that. I think there's a big balance between writing and performing. I think you've got to do both. I think the difference between us and a fighter is that a fighter is making a strategy. Look, obviously his performances haven't suffered at all. He looks amazing. I mean that fight with Roy McDonald was a fucking fantastic performance. The fight with Josh Koscheck, he destroyed Josh Koscheck in the first round. So he's not

suffering by this strategy and it works for him. Every athlete's different. Plus, it gives him more of a reason to get the fuck out there and knock this motherfucker out. You can't wait to get out there. I haven't gone on stage for a month. But see, with stand-up, I think if you don't go on stage for a month, it fucks you up a little bit. It fucks me up.

It's different. That's why I go on Thursdays. Thursdays is my throwaway night. I get a sheet of paper with everything I wrote during the week. I get 120, 150 people, and I just go. I close with my regular routine, but I throw all that shit out to see what I can grab. I'm just grasping for straws on Thursday night because I don't go out during the week. Friday and Saturday are my money nights.

Right. But Thursday, I got $1.20. I'll give them a good show, but I'll throw out some new shit in there just to catch up for the week to see what I wrote. Maybe it's not funny. And if you don't do that, those jokes don't get told, and they don't get made. I mean, think about how many jokes that you have where you started out, and there was kind of a premise,

and I've seen you, like, have bits that started out, and they just weren't clicking. There was something missing, and then I see you, like, four weeks later, and boom, it's slamming. You figured out the right path. You figured out how to shorten it up. You figured out how to get to the funny part quicker.

Boom, and then it's killing. Got to start somewhere. You know, it's funny. Again, when I was on the set doing the thing with Mark Maron, he looked at me and he goes, how hard is it to get workout space anymore? He goes, it sucks because everybody wants you to perform. He goes, as long as the days are going to the store on a Tuesday and just ripping a notebook and going because eight people will show up to really see you, you know?

And did you see what he's doing? He got a theater. Because he said, he goes, Joey, I go on the road in two weeks. I have zero material. Zero. You know how it is. You shoot this TV show for fucking six months. Right.

And he goes, he gets out twice a week. So I go, what are you going to do? So he tweeted that he got a theater, some little theater on Santa Monica Boulevard. Right. He's going to do shows for two weeks. All the money benefits the theater. Wow, that's great. He's not going to take the money.

That's beautiful. Guys like us need somewhere to go and just talk. And he's going to do it every night of the week? I don't know. How many nights a week? I don't know what nights. That's a great idea. That's a great idea.

Yeah, that's perfect for him, too, because then he'll only get his people that know what he's doing, and there won't be any of this unfair expectation or this weirdness, and he'll be able to form the bits that way. I remember talking to Tim Allen. He was like, I'm going to Vegas, and fucking Jamie Misada keeps putting my name on the fucking board. I don't want nobody to come see me.

Tim Allen said that? Let me tell you how crazy it got for Tim Allen. It got to the point where he was showing up on Tuesdays just to do the three minutes because he knew Jamie wouldn't put his name on the fucking board. Oh, that's hilarious. How hilarious is that? Because he just wanted to try things out. Just talk! Yeah. Just talk. But when you go up there,

come in Thursday, people clap and they expect you to be funny and you just can't try your shit out. I saw him go on stage after a long time off one night in the main room at the Comedy Store. It was weird. It was weird. You could tell. He's just like he just hadn't done it in a long time. You see him like, I mean, you watch the old specials before his show,

before Home Improvement, and you would see him do his comedy. He has so much confidence and speed to it and so much energy to him. It's just so good. He was on top of it. He's got the suit on. Sharp. Sharp. But then you saw him after the show, and it was just like, you know,

just trying to step on the stage. How oh, how do I stand right here? And, you know, just weird. You could see it just wasn't a part of him anymore. He had let it go away. I wonder if they, I had heard the rumor that they wanted him to not do comedy while he was doing Home Improvement because the show was such a family show and his act was so, you know, kind of funky. You never know.

I mean, it wasn't even that radical an act. It was just a pretty mainstream, normal act. I mean, you never know what they tell you, you know. I just love doing it. I love getting up. Like, last night I went on stage and had a great fucking time, you know. Just a Wednesday night. Mm-hmm.

Gives a fuck. I don't like going to Hollywood no more. No? To do comedy. I like the improv. I like the improv. I still like doing the improv. I did it a couple weeks ago.

It was great. I enjoyed it. I called for spots at the Laugh Factory for next week, but Long Beach, brother. You like that spot? All right, I'll go with you.

Let's do it. I like Long Beach a lot. Let's do a weeknight. Let's do a weeknight, like maybe next week or something. I really like it. I really fucking like it down there. Do you do Thursdays?

You ever do Thursdays? Yeah, that's when they get me. Thursdays, it closes at 10, so we're out of there early. Let's do it, bitch. What time do you leave to it down there. Do you do Thursdays? You ever do Thursdays? Yeah, that's when they get me. Thursdays, it closes at 10, so we're out of there early. Let's do it, bitch. What time do you leave to get down there? 2 in the afternoon. No. Let's say that.

No, no, because I take the 5 to the 7 at 10. That's it? The show's at 8 o'clock, guys. Okay, so what time do you leave? I leave my house at 8.30. The show's at 8 and you leave by 8.30. No, I leave at 8.30. You're on later.

I'm on at 9.40, 9.20. Oh, okay. And I get down there in 30 minutes. It's real fucking. Look, I don't touch the 110. Right. I go to 5 to the one, whatever the fuck I just said. The 405 is the motherfucker you want to ignore.

And this weekend, guys, ignore that motherfucker. Jamzilla. Just pretend it's not real. The 5 is bad, too, though, especially near the Disneyland. Oh, by Farms, Boons, whatever that is. Not Boons Farm, I'm sorry. Yeah, the... You didn't know about Jamzilla this weekend?

They're closing the 405 North. What is it? Closing the 405 North this weekend, dog. For what? Starts tomorrow, Monday. They're going to... What's that bridge? HOV Lane, 10 miles of the 405s.

What a good idea. It's not like it's Valentine's Day or anything. All right. Smart move. Nobody ever traveling. What about the motherfuckers in New York? There ain't going to be no Valentine's Day in New York, Jack. Yeah.

How much snow are they getting? So they got eight today. My friends got eight, and they got another six tonight. And they're going to get three more on Saturday. But the city's shut down completely. Like, the fucking Jersey Roads are shut down. It's fucking, it's amazing what's going on back there. I love it.

Fuck. Wow. Yeah, they're getting a lot of snow. You remember when Bloomberg was mayor and they forgot to pay for snow plows? They didn't budget in for plowing snow and people were like trapped in their fucking houses. They were all making these videos of people slamming into cars, like trying to get out of their spots and drive down unplowed roads. Tractor clearing snow kills pregnant New York woman. Jesus Christ.

Fucking God damn it it Where are you going For Valentine's Day Joey? My wife's out of town You guys talk I gotta pee My wife's in Nashville With the baby The father's sick

So She went back there Till Tuesday To spend time with the father And the baby And the whole fucking deal So You gonna take me out?

I'll take you out Where do you wanna go? I got a spot tomorrow night And Saturday so It's all work work You never have time for me You don't have take you out. Where do you want to go? I got a spot tomorrow night and Saturday. It's all work, work. You never have time for me. You don't have no shows this weekend?

No, I took it off because I was like, I don't know. Who do you take? Who's your valentine? No one. What about that cute chick you used to see? You got so many bitches, you know what I'm saying? I don't even know no more. Which one?

I don't know. You got a bunch of bitches. I don't have anyone. Don't be bullshitting me cocksucker um I don't were you playing this weekend flat John Lovett Saturday and Friday night I am playing La Jolla Comedy Store February 28th through March 1st we're having four or five shows. Me, Tony Hinchcliffe, Sarah Weinshank, a bunch of other people.

Have you done that? Do you miss doing the La Jolla Comedy Store or any of that? No? Did you ever do it much? Yeah. Oh, did you just fart? Yeah.

That was my spot, the La Jolla Comedy Club. Do you like staying at the condo? No, there's big rats. Is there big rats there? I would come right home every Saturday and every Friday and Saturday. I don't spend the night in San Diego.

Oh. I come right home. I leave at 1145. I'm home by like fucking 1.30 and shit. San Diego? Yeah. I don't like spending the night. Did you ever stay at the condo down there?

Yeah, definitely. The place was a dump. Oh, my God. It was disgusting. Their comedy store condo. Woo. Then we moved to an apartment. I guess they were renovating the condo and it moved to an apartment. The apartment was a dump. Oh, my God, it was disgusting. Their comedy store condo, whoo. Then we moved to an apartment. Like, I guess they were renovating the condo, and I moved to an apartment.

The apartment was nice. Then the second time, you got me a hotel room. Yeah, we had. We were enough. I had that fear of active money burning a hole in my pocket. It was like this. That hotel that's, like, right next door. That's really nice.

Yeah, I was like, let's stay like gentlemen. Let's stay like gentlemen. Fuck on the beach and shit. Nice hotel. It was beautiful. Fuck all that. How about that fucking Mexican joint across the street from the hotel that had that insane chicken burritos? Insane. They're still there.

I forget. The one around next to Denny's. Yeah. They were so big that you could start eating them and start walking to Mexico, and you would get to Mexico right when the burrito was done. These guys are telling me about all these fucking food spots on Sunset that are delicious. I just don't go to Hollywood at night. They say there's a Mexican place across the street

from the Laugh Factory. Really? Oh, the taco place. Yeah. Everybody. Everybody. Across the street where Virgin Megastore used to be? I guess.

What's there now? Virgin's gone, right? Virgin Megastore? Right. Or is it Tower Records? Was it Tower Records? Tower Records. Something was there. Tower in Hollywood? One of right? Virgin Megastore? Right. Or was it Tower Records? Was it Tower Records? Tower Records. Something was there.

Tower in Hollywood? One of those? Virgin or Tower? They say that's the fucking place where you always talk about. Now, what's the place you always talk about? You say you go late night. They're open until 3 or 4? Oh, Fat Sal's.

And what do they have there? It's just huge. It's like those sandwiches. It's owned by the guy from Entourage, Turtle from Entourage. And it's just like these huge sandwiches. They have fries. They have cheese fries. Instead of fries on the sandwich, they have cheese fries on the sandwich.

Good, googly. Yeah, it's the stuff you walk. You look at it and you're like, this is the worst thing ever to eat. And it's always packed. Crazy delicious. It's always packed. I saw it. I drove by.

Good for him. Smart move, man. Take that Entourage money and invest it. You see who's in Entourage now? What? Ronda Rousey. Oh, the movie. Yeah. Is she in the movie or the TV show? Movie. Movie. There's an Entourage money and invest it. Is she using Entourage now? What? Ronda Rousey. Oh, the movie. Yeah.

Is she in the movie or the TV show? Movie. There's an Entourage movie. She's going to star in the movie and she's got another movie that they're making totally for her with her as a star. Blowing up like the world trade. Because they say she might retire after this fight and shit. No, she ain't

retiring shit. She likes beating the fuck out of shit. She likes it. She likes it. She enjoys it. She's really good at it. And she's really good at doing it even with all the pressure of that Misha Tate fight, all the media pressure. Dude, her judo is the best judo in MMA right now.

Those fucking throws that she hit Misha with, Misha got high on her and just launched! You know, if you're shooting on Ronda, you have to be below her hips you gotta be you can't be up high if you shoot on her and you think you're gonna rest under her armpits like you can with other girls she's gonna get an underhook and get her leg across your leg and you are going flying she throws bitches but the chick she's fighting this weekend is sarah mcmahon sarah mcmahon is an is an Olympic silver medalist who's built like Gleason Tebow.

You ever see her? Yeah. Sarah McMahon is fucking huge, dude. She looks like me in a dress. I'm not joking. She's huge. For a girl, like, she has arms like a guy. That's going to be a good fight.

Yeah, she's a really powerful man, and she's a really good wrestler. Her technique is excellent. You know, and she's a silver medalist in technique is excellent you know and she's a silver medalist in the olympics and ronda's a bronze medalist in judo this is the first time in the history of the ufc two medalists are going at it two olympic medalists and they both happen to be women i mean it's fucking crazy it's a huge significant fight like for women's mma i mean you talk about like legitimizing it a silver medalist in the olympics and a bronze medalist in judo one in one in wrestling and one in judo. That's crazy.

That's never happened. And it sells a lot of seats. People love to see those especially after the last fight. Man that was you know it was a shame what happened to Anderson on that card but that fucking fight sheet. I mean I watched it with Red Band. We were on our feet at your house. We were fucking blown away. Crazy fight. The only other time two Olympians have fought was two gold medalists. Rulon Gardner and Yoshida fought in pride. And Rulon Gardner, that was before he was on

Biggest Loser, one of those shows where he got way high in the 400s, and he was really unhealthy, and he had to lose weight to get down. There's Sarah McMahon. She's tough, dude. That chick's tough. Let me go pee real quick. You go pee, fella. There's Sarah McMahon. She's tough, dude. That chick's tough. Let me go pee real quick.

You go pee, fella. There's a picture of her in the promo clip where she stands there. Like in that picture, her arms aren't pumped up with blood, but she stands up

after a fight and she raises her arms and you're like, Jesus, fuck, they're huge. She's strong as shit. She's probably going to be the strongest woman that Ronda has fought

in her career and probably also going to have the be the strongest woman that Ronda has fought in her career and probably also going to have the best grappling technique that anybody Ronda's ever fought because her takedown defense is just impeccable. Plus her grappling knowledge. Like she won't do the same sort of things that maybe other opponents have done that has allowed Ronda to toss them. She's going to be more on point with her takedown defense.

So it'll become much more interesting. But Ronda Rousey, in my opinion, she has the best, not just the best judo in MMA, but the best arm bars. Her arm bar technique is flawless and she hits it from everywhere and there's no space. Like when she slaps an arm bar on someone, everything is just tight. Everything is in perfect position. And she's so used to people moving. When you buck one way, she's ready for you to do that. She's already countering it. And then she just rolls with you and it gets it tighter. If you buck the other way, she's got that planned out too. Like she's so good at riding you like a

bull. When you start bucking and twisting and trying to get out of that arm bar, she just follows you. And she does it so often because she's so good at this one technique. She just hits that arm bar over and over and over and over again. Her armbar is a thing of beauty. Like you can't, you couldn't pick a better fighter to watch if you wanted to learn how to do an armbar than Ronda Rousey. Couldn't pick a better fighter. Her fucking technique's flawless. I mean, I learned something new every time I watch her hit an armbar. That's not bullshit. I learned new setups. I learned new transitions. I learned new recoveries, how she recovers from losing a position. And she doesn't even hold the legs a lot of the times. Like a lot of guys like Eddie, Eddie will cross his feet over the, uh, the face and then I'll hold the leg to keep you from

bucking around. Rhonda's like, go ahead, bitch. Go buck around. I'll just roll with you. I'll just roll with you. And in the transition, I'll fucking grab that thing and make it even tighter. grab that thing and make it even tighter. She's incredible, man. And she's hot. It's ridiculous. I tweeted for Fox Sports 1 yesterday. I did one of those Fox Sports 1 shows talking about the UFC and talking about fights.

And I tweeted something about curling. That's hilarious. I couldn't believe how many people got mad at me. One of the Olympic curling guys got mad at me. Yeah. And I retweeted his shit and oh my god, that poor bastard got attacked. I feel bad for him.

I didn't think it was that big of a deal that I called it dumb shit. I like a lot of dumb shit. There's nothing wrong with dumb shit. Why would you care what I'd like too? But people were getting so offended. A woman said, shame on you. That's what she said to me. Bro, last week on the podcast, I talked about how fucking,

if you need a blowtorch to smoke weed, go fuck yourself. I mean, you fucking go do crack. Right. If you're the trap, I mean, I want you to understand what marijuana is, and you want to show up with a fucking blowtorch to my fucking house with a rock and put oil. And people keep telling me, like, dog, you got to die. I did it one time.

I'm like, this ain't for me, guys. Yeah. I don't see. It was like freebasing cocaine for you got to. I did it one time. I'm like, this ain't for me, guys. Yeah. I don't see. It was like freebasing cocaine for me. Yep. I never understood the drama. Just give me. I'll snort this fucking.

I got to put it in a sock and cook it. And then, you know, I went to a party one time with like 25 grams of coke in 1982. I'm not kidding. I went and I bought those little, when they used to come in bottles already. And I bought the guy out. And I fucking went to this house, and all I wanted to do was snort and get my dick sucked, and this fucking white dude, you know,

was like, oh, we don't snort cocaine here. You gotta cook it, and then put it through a silk sock, a silk handkerchief. If it's not silk, it's not gonna work. And it takes 20 minutes just to do, and then we gotta do it. Fuck that.

Just give me the coke. It's the same thing with those fucking dabs. My buddy came over. He puts a rock on your desk Then they melt it Then you gotta take a straw And then you cough your ass off It hurts your throat Just give me

Just roll the fuck I said that on the podcast Guys I got tormented Yeah People were like What the fuck are you talking about You don't know what you're talking about

With dabs Hear what I'm saying If you need a blowtorch To get high, there's a fucking problem. I don't give a fuck what it does to you. You know what? I smoke a fucking joint

and I get stoned to the goddamn gills. That's all I need. I'll eat an edible and I get fucked up on those too. But I don't need no fucking dabs. It's really sad too because we had talked about this before. The places up north and stuff

that have these dab houses where you walk in and everyone has a glass pipe it's like being in a crack house it's the closest thing to being in a crack house it's all the part of me that that kind of stuff has always been like well you get high i'm better than you like this is what i'm doing like you're a fucking idiot if you have to go this far to fucking do this shit like if it's like making meth out of gatorade you ever make meth out of fucking Gatorade? I've never made meth out of a Gatorade. Meth out of Gatorade? Did you not see how they do that shit on Discovery, bro?

No. They take a Gatorade thing, and you put a lighter fluid in there, and you put a fucking copper battery in there. You rip it open, and you put cold medicine in that motherfucker, and you shake that motherfucker up for a few minutes, and then you put it in a sock and you snort it. Oh, my God. They could make meth at the fucking house now.

Who makes meth at the fucking house? Right outside, you do it. Like, I could be in here, put the chemicals together, go outside. It's called shaker or whatever the fuck that shit is. Shaker up meth. I don't fucking know. You know, that's one of the ways they catch people sometimes is then they start doing meth.

They start keeping it at their house and doing crazy shit. Like one guy, I forget the story. I believe it was in Esquire, one of those magazines, you know, GQ or something like that. And he was an attorney. And somehow or another he got hooked up with meth, started doing meth. And the way they caught him, he had buckets full of it in his basement. Just kept it laying around. Like just made it and kept kept it there and was like storing meth in his basement didn't even think there was anything crazy about storing enough drugs in your fucking house to put you away

for the rest of your life and to him it was just like just had it laying around like wasn't even thinking it was just you're you're you lose one of the things and when you do the meth is that you lose your ability to see what's smart and what's not smart. You lose that with every drug. It's just not meth. Don't blame it on meth. Don't blame it on meth. Meth ain't a bad guy.

Do you lose it with weed? I don't think you lose it with weed. No, but you lose it with the hard thing. You lose it with coke. You get deliveries. Your judgment is fucking foiled. That's what drugs do to you. Your judgment is fucking off.

And you catch yourself sometimes. You're like, what the fuck did I just do? Wow. That's the real scary part about it. Sometimes you're like, what the fuck did I just do? And that's what a lot of people are looking for, right? A lot of people are looking for this fucking big burst of escape. You know, they're looking for something that just blows them out of whatever the fuck their life is

because they're looking to just escape. They don't like life. They don't like it. They want to get high, man. They want to get high. And they want to get high to escape. They don't like life. They don't like it. They want to get high, man. They want to get high. And they want to get high to escape. Escape reality. You know, man, we get it.

Like, your back hurts. Your back hurts. You hurt your back. It fucking hurts, bro. You got to go to a doctor, you know? The other day I did a butterfly sweep. I left my thumb up and the fucking guy landed on my hand. Ouchie, wow, wow.

My thumb hurt. It didn't swell up. I think when I needed the drugs, it was when my whole body was in pain. And it's not pain that you feel. It didn't swell up. I think when I needed the drugs, it was when my whole body was in pain. And it's not pain that you feel. It's just this pain. Well, it's also you did it for so long when your body became accustomed to using those things. But in the beginning, why is the main reason we get down?

Why is the main reason a guy like you handles? You had pain in your life growing up. We all do. What made you different than not doing it? You know, when you first get involved in that, your body hurts, man. I can't imagine. You know, when I was 17, I'd go home at the end of the night. I was in school.

I had to go to school at 730. Sophomore in high school. Junior. I had to go to school. And I would come home and sit in the corner in the dark with earphones on, with an 8-track, Black Sabbath, and I'd just do coke until 3 in the morning. Jesus Christ. No drinking.

Just do coke in the dark. What possesses you to do that, Joe Rogan? I don't know. Was it because I was a junkie? No. You know what? I was in so much pain. But pain covers this huge thing when you're doing drugs.

Pain covers this huge thing when you're doing drugs. Pain could be, you know, fucking confusion. Pain shows up as confusion. Confusion shows up as pain is what I'm saying to you. You're confused. So I was 16. It could be emotional pain. It could be emotional pain. It doesn't have to be physical pain.

Your whole body's in pain when you're doing it. You know, I talked to the kid I kidnapped. You know, I call him a lot now. Wow. I'm guilty. I'm really fucking guilty of that because I saw something when I kidnapped him that it's not Joe Diaz. I saw him suffering. I saw him at one moment on the floor handcuffed.

And I would never want that for me. You know what I'm saying? Like, I always dread it. That happens to a friend of mine for what I did. And I always felt bad. I had him call on the podcast and I apologized to him. Wow. And I always call him up. And him call on the podcast and I apologized to him. Wow. And I always call him up.

And I called him the other day and we were talking and he told me, you know, every time I talk to him he tells me more about his life, bro. You know,

what happened since I kidnapped him. I bumped into him in 94. I kidnapped him in 87. I bumped into him in 94 and I bought coke from him. Right? And he was all fucked up

at Pearl Street down in Boulder. And then he never remembered. I think he blacked out. That's how bad a shape he was in. I on Pearl Street down in Boulder. And then he never remembered. I think he blacked out. That's how bad a shape he was in. I asked him. Not this time, but the time before I asked him, do you remember me buying blow from you?

He goes, I remember seeing you and I remember hating you the next day. I couldn't believe I didn't knock you the fuck out. Because I caught him off guard. He was at a bar all fucked up. I'm like, you got to sell me some blow. He's like, ah, look who's here. The guy who kidnapped me. The guy who kidnapped me. The guy who kidnapped me.

But I called him last night. You bought blow after you kidnapped him before you apologized for kidnapping him? Six years later, yeah, I saw him at a bar

on Pearl Street. Did you even say, I'm sorry I kidnapped you? Not that night. I just gave him a hug and asked him if he knew where I'd get some blow and shit.

Not that night. And he gave me a hug and I always thought about him. And when I apologized, I felt really bad. And I talked to him the other day, and he started telling me he's 50. He lives with his mother. He had a heart attack. You know, I could tell when I talked to him and his pictures on Facebook that he had a stroke.

You know, that was all from the blow, bro. Sometimes when he calls me at night, I can tell he's drinking, you know. And sometimes I feel real guilty that I do this. But then, you know, I'm the type of guy, I don't play that shit, you know? I don't play that shit at all. He was fucked up when I kidnapped him. I mean, a couple weeks before. You know, how this whole thing started was because he got a DUI, fucked up some cars,

went to Boulder Hospital, North Hospital, Boulder General. And while he was in there, you know Boulder, he was hurt. They left him in a room by himself, and he stole a bottle of liquid cocaine and jumped out the window. Okay, and they caught him an hour later on the other side of Boulder. When you steal a bottle of liquid cocaine from the hospital, you already got problems. Oh, my God.

Me kidnapping him, you know, and we laugh and we giggle. Me kidnapping him makes me feel like maybe I contributed to that, but I didn't. He had his own doom. Why didn't I get fucked up, you know? I mean, I got fucked up in different ways. I paid in different ways because the guilt of me doing that to a man fucking destroyed me, you know? I like to fuck around.

You know, I could do something bad if somebody harms me. But even with jiu-jitsu, I just can't put my forearm in somebody's face, man. I hate when I have to lay on somebody. Like, I'll check on them and go, are you okay, bro? You know I love you right now. And they'll look at me and go, I know. You know, it's funny. So for me, seeing them in that corner, I always had that guilt that I tied them up.

Joe, it's fucking scary. Well, it seems like that was the life you were both living. Yes, yes, yes. Now that you're apologizing. Look, you were both on a fucking crazy path. The fucking 80s, bro. The 80 both on a fucking crazy path, you know? The fucking 80s, bro. The 80s.

That's what it was, huh? The Exorcist. All those movies. The writing. See, I dodged all that stuff. I dodged all that stuff. Because the 80s were my period of athletic competition. It was all hibernation. From 81 to 88, all I did was Taekwondo.

That's all I did. So I dodged it all. February 19, 1979 was the day my life went downhill. You know why? Why? I won a form in a karate tournament. I was a purple belt. I was in the eighth grade, and I lost the fighting.

I got disqualified for kicking above the fucking face. You were really young. How old were you? I was 13 or 14. I was semi-contact, and I got out of Gushin Ru Karate. And, you know, I liked those guys. That's why I missed that whole thing. Because on the weekends, we'd just go to different fucking tournaments.

You know, when you do that as a kid, you just go to different tournaments. Or on Saturdays, we would all geek out and go to Honda. You know what Honda is in New York? That's a big martial arts supply. Yeah. I would geek out in there. Get some Nunchucks. Oh, Nunchucks.

Kabutu Tanfas. I'd get the fucking things. Oh, Nunchucks, Kabutonfas. I'd get the fucking things that you could punch, the patches, Makiwaras. I had the fucking iron palm technique, the fucking thing, the juice you put on your palms. That was the real deal. I was watching Chinese Connection. When was the last time you watched Chinese Connection? Tonight, when everybody goes to sleep, put on Bruce Lee's second movie. Do me that favor.

Do me that fucking favor. And you're going to see what fucking unreal is. Pull up some Bruce Lee. You're going to see the last scene of Chinese Connection. The last scene, when he goes into the school, listen to what he says. Remember, Chinese Connection is kind of a ripoff of the Spaghetti Westerns. If you watch those three movies Clint Eastwood made in Italy, they're so far gone. Like, you haven't watched them in 20 years. Watch the good, the bad, and the ugly. What's the town he paints the town red?

I don't remember, but that was a great movie. That was a great movie. That was a great movie. He came back. He was a ghost story. Yeah, he was a ghost story. In Chinese Connection, he comes back as a student that they kill his teacher, and he avenges his teacher.

And it's just the new Chuck scene in the Chinese connection when he first attacks the school. When he goes in and he goes, I'm allowing you to leave. Who allows you to leave? Even in Bronx Tale, they locked the fucking door. They wouldn't let the bikers leave. This right here, look at this. This changed America forever. This was 1970.

Look at this, guys. Watch this. I still remember the fucking commercial for this, the trailer. Look at how slow and methodical. Look at this, guys. Watch this. I still remember the fucking commercial for this, the trailer. Look at how slow and methodical. Look at the music. They're all circling. They took that fucking jacket off. Look at this man, ladies and gentlemen.

Look at him. He wanted what Steve McQueen had, and Steve McQueen wanted what he had. You talk about his forearms. This guy's forearms were seven times the size of a man. And nobody had ever seen anybody kicking like this before. That's 1970. Nobody ever seen

nothing like this. I remember being in Catholic school at Sacred Heart School for boys and seeing this and losing my fucking mind. But this isn't nothing. I'm going to show you

the scene with Chains of America Forever. Right here. The double punch to both of them. Right here. Bam. Right here.

This Chains of America Forever. Right here, The double punch to both of them. Right here. Bam. Right here. This changed America forever. Right here, ladies and gentlemen. Bam! That double punch. Nobody's ever done that. Watch this. When they say watch, watch all this. Watch this, Joe Rogan. This is all beauty. This will never

happen again. Look at this. He threw them in the air. And they're dummies when they land. Look at this, he threw them in the air. And they're dummies when they land, look at this. Alright, this is when America changed forever. Oh, one guy hit him in the back. This is when America changed forever. Right here. The guy fucked up and kicked him in the back.

That don't mean nothing, look at him. Look at him, look at him. It was 1970, dawg. Nobody had ever seen Noon Chucks before that. Nobody had ever seen itunchucks before that. Nobody had ever seen him like that. Nobody. Look at that shit.

How many times do you hit yourself in the back of the head doing Nunchucks wrong? The back of my head would bruise as fuck. I probably have more PTSD from getting hit in the head by my own nunchucks than ever getting punched or kicked. Me too. I would crack myself, man, fucking hard. Those Cocobolo ones from Centrally Martial Arts Supply. Cocobolo nunchucks. They were fucking like a pound each. They'd bounce off the back of your head.

I still feel knots in my head. I still feel knots in the back of my head from where I broke this. I was doing it wrong. You're supposed to go up and catch it behind you. But I was going this way and catching it like that. I didn't know what I was doing. I was ad-libbing, whacking myself in the back of the head, just going, oh, fuck. And then right back to it.

This is too much. I remember still going back to school that Monday and kids were losing. I still remember the drive-in theater I saw on the set. But put that final fight scene because that's one of the greatest. He jumps over a table and flying sidekicks a motherfucker. No stunts, no nothing. He gets the sword, takes it from the guy, but when he fights, this is the end. This is the end when they're going to kill him. Look at Bruce Lee. And he just stands there. Look at him. He fucking just runs at him. It's before this. And he's single-handedly made being Chinese sexy.

Dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun. Dun, dun. Ah, ah, ah. That's the song. Put a, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. This is my life, dog.

We would stay at the movie theaters till midnight. Till fucking midnight we'd stay at the movie theaters. Just, just, this is just too much. Yeah, I don't think anybody today can realize what an impact that guy had on kids. I was living in Newark, and I was at an apartment building, and the superintendent of the building, his kid was my age. I used to go over to his house.

That's how I found out about Bruce Lee. Him and his, he had an older brother, and they were really into Bruce Lee, and they were, you know, they had like Bruce Lee posters and shit, and I was like, whoa, what is this Bruce Lee stuff here you guys are into? And then from there, I'm pretty sure we went to see a movie together. I think we went with his dad. That was the first time I was exposed to it.

I was like maybe five or six. And I was like, oh my God. He taught this country so many fucking things at the time. Like people would just, you know, it made everybody, but it even strengthened like rebellious. Like if you watch Enter the Dragon, there's a part, you never caught this, there's a part in Enter the Dragon where the guy comes in, Bob Wall, and he goes. I know Bob. I know Bob too.

He goes, you must attend the morning ritual in uniform. Bruce Lee tells him outside, he throws the punches and shit, and the next day he's dressed in white. Think about that. Everybody had a gi on. Bruce Lee refused to wear a fucking gi. He wasn't a gi on. Bruce Lee refused to wear a fucking gi. He wasn't Eddie's grandfather. He just refused to wear a fucking gi.

That's the kind of mentality he put in these kids. That's why these kids are getting bitch slapped. Do you think if Bruce Lee was around today, people would be getting bullied? Nobody got bullied when I was a kid. Because you watch Bruce Lee, bro. He gave you fucking balls. Would you please put that last thing on? People got bullied.

What are you talking about? They still got bullied. They got bullied by people who are trying to be bruce lee too fight me in the end trust me it's on i just watched it the other day on youtube i was watching this shit the other day crying this is tremendous it's hard to look back when you look back at that and see the kind of impact that had at the time it's just it's hard to wrap your head around because nobody had ever seen anything like that before. There had been no karate movies.

And all of a sudden, I mean, maybe there was a couple, but it was nothing like that. Five Fingers of Death came out. There was like two or three. Then this guy invaded. And the beauty of this was, and I told this on one of Ari's storytellers, that especially for me, dog, you know,

before Bruce Lee, everybody was walking, Chinese people especially, were walking around. They were the help, bro. They were the fucking help. They walked around half retarded. Bruce Lee came out. Bruce, they were ironing his shirts and bowing at motherfuckers. Bruce Lee came out and gave them this inner strength.

But for me, I wasn't Chinese. I was Cuban. I was an immigrant. I knew what it was to walk around feeling like you were number two. So for me, he fucking strengthened my head just watching that shit. Like, if that Chinese motherfucker do that, I could do that. Then my stepfather would come home, because I used to go to karate. And my stepfather would go, what did you learn today?

And I'd teach him, and he'd go, don't work on me. And I'd go, what the fuck? What the fuck are you? You know what I'm saying? It just worked at the karate school and don't work here. And he would tell me, you know why it don't work? Because I smacked the shit out of Bruce Lee in Cuba one time. And I would believe him.

What? He would tell me, I fucked Bruce Lee up one time on the corner in Cuba. I bit slapped that Chinese guy. He was bullshitting me to make me. Him and my mother would tell me Batman was a faggot. You know, shit like that. Is this the final scene? That's it.

Oh, no. You've got to speed it up a little bit more. But, well, fuck it. We'll take that, too. What's this one? He was also the first guy that was, like, really shredded like that in movies where he'd take his shirt off and flex. Oh, this is a good one right here. This is when he fights Mrs. Suzuki.

This is with the sword. Look at this, guys. This is just tremendous. Was there ever a guy that was, like, shirtless in movies that was flexing before him? Was that a thing? Hercules. Where the guy was ripped? Hercules.

Hercules. Yeah, but not, like like a fighter guy, right? Tarzan. Because everything else was after. Like, Hard Times, Bronson, that was much later, right? Oh, look at this fight! Look at this fight here! Will Ferrell. He's fighting Will Ferrell. But no, no. Just play this fight out

for Joe. There's one scene in here where you look at him and you go, well, you know what? He could be fake, but look at his hand speed. There wasn't no speed-ups in the film in this. There wasn't nothing. This fight with this guy that I think was a Russian that was coming to visit him. But this is just tremendous.

This whole, from the fucking time he walks, it's a 20-minute fight. The first move he does is a spinning elbow front kick. Who does that? So he walked. Is this right here? Are we going to see it right here? No, before that. He goes like this. He this right here? Are we gonna see it right here?

No, before that. He goes like this, he walks out, and there's a guy walking. You gotta get to the microphone, man. What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Oh my god, the guy's a white belt. Watch his hand move. Watch his speed. Watch his fucking speed, dog. This is 1970.

There was no speed-up films. It's also the sounds that he made were crazy. Wah! Don't play that music, Brian. Watch his spinning. Watch this. Bam! Are you fucking kidding me?

Watch this. Bam! This motherfucker didn't stop. You know this fight scene by this. Bam! Are you fucking kidding me? Watch this. Bam! This motherfucker didn't stop. You know this fight scene by heart. Bro, every night I sat at the movie theaters with my boys, and we watched this, and then we'd go next door to Margot Lozano's Fruits, and we'd knock all the fucking fruit boxes. We'd beat up the fruit boxes. Oh, the guy got him in an arm bar.

Yeah, bro. Holy shit. This is real. This is 20 years in. Oh, my God. Bruce Lee, you fucked up. If that guy had any technique, what'd he do? He bite him? It's the street. Ew. any technique. What did he do? He bite him?

It's the street. Ew. He let go because of a bite? He bit him in the fucking ankle real fucking hard. That was a good armbar technique for 1970 or whatever it was. What year was this? This came out. This was the original heroin movie.

This came out like in 70. Look at him, dog. Then he starts trancing this motherfucker with his hands. If you haven't watched The Chinese Connection, you're fucking up. And he's on the phone with Steve McQueen every ten minutes. Because he's really angry in this movie because they killed his teacher. He's fucking a ball of hate in this fucking movie. Who's on the phone with Steve McQueen?

Bruce Lee. You mean talking to him? Tell him, what do I do next? Beat that motherfucker up. Watch this. Steve McQueen's in the movie? Is that what you're saying? No, Steve McQueen is his goomba.

Oh, his buddy. Watch this, Joe Rogan. Watch this, Joe Rogan. Oh, come on now. That guy just ate a wheel kick this is unrealistic it's that quick but if a guy when you get wheel kicked in the face dude nobody eats that shit bro it's nice this is awesome though this is tremendous it was the last time you saw this still good well wait wait wait wait this scene. This is just too much. You know, look. His technique is really fucking good.

It's really good to this day. I mean, it's hard to see someone do martial arts from back then and compare it to what you see today. But Bruce Lee compares. It's a really good kicking technique, man. Like his side kick is straight. He's not kicking up. His hit comes up. It goes straight. He's not kicking up. His hit comes up. It goes straight.

That's what gets good. He's going to fuck this motherfucker up right now for Joe Rogan. Look at Suzuki. Watch this, Joe Rogan. Watch this. Gatush. Watch this, dog. Old school.

Old school. Old school. Fuck the popcorn. Bam, bam, bam, bam. It's over, motherfucker. He makes a ba ba ba bam karate chops it's over motherfucker he makes a crazy scream when he karate chops he's angry

he's fucking angry now he goes after Suzuki he fucks up Suzuki then he goes back to his school and they tell him you know you gotta go do some time and he fucking grabs the guy and he goes

listen don't touch my school I'll fuck you up then he walks outside he agreed to do time this is the beauty about Bruce Lee he agreed to do the time. In the movie. He walks out, and he opens the door, and they're all there to shoot him.

That's the scene you see. He could have turned around and ran away. That motherfucker looked at him, yelled, and ran out into the audience. And it ends with him doing a flying sidekick, and you hear the bullets going off. And you're just ready to go kill somebody at that point. It's midnight, and I'm going to kill a motherfucker. That's it. I'm fucking somebody up tonight. And that's going to kill a motherfucker. That's it. I'm fucking somebody

up tonight. And that's how he left you off. That was it. And then Return of the Dragon came out with Chuck Norris. And that was kind of, ah, people by that time, no, he didn't die yet. Enter the Dragon came out July of 73 and he was dead maybe a week later. He died a week after Enter the

Dragon came out. He died July something of 73. So I was 10. Let me tell you something. When he died, you have no idea what this country was like because there was no internet. You had to find out by going to Chinatown. That was the proof. You had to go to Chinatown and buy the magazines. And they showed you the black and white pictures of him carrying them in his wake, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and James Coburn. There was no newspaper. Nobody cared about some Chinese guy. We didn't find that until a month after he died. They sent us the letter by the fucking bottle with a note.

You know what's really fascinating about him, man? He made his movies and all of his scenes with these wild kicks and jumping, flying techniques. But in real life, when he practiced martial arts for fighting, he never did any of that stuff. He concentrated on low kicks and punches and boxing techniques mixed with wrestling techniques. But he just knew that it would be spectacular looking. Spectacular. Yeah.

This guy was 30 years ahead of his time, guys. He really was. What he did to society, what he did to the film industry, what he did, he brought something that was just brilliant. And then you watch Enter the Dragon when they just cashed him out. They just said, listen, you're coming back with us. And then the Chinese people got mad at him. That was just brilliant. And then you watch Enter the Dragon when they just cashed him out. They just said, listen, you're coming back with us. And then the Chinese people got mad at him. That was heroin money.

They made those movies for $10 in Thailand. Or whatever the fuck they made. So he had some sort of crazy, there's some crazy conspiracy theory about his death that it was the Chinese mob that killed him because he owed money. No, he didn't owe money. He just took money out of their pocket. Well, he left. He went over to Warner Brothers.

Do you think that's what happened? Did they kill them? I know that's what happened. Really? We're't have no money. He just took money out of their pocket. Well, he left. He went over to Warner Brothers. Do you think that's what happened? Did they kill them? I know that's what happened. Really? We're making barrels of money. How much money do you think the Chinese Connection cost to shoot? What do you think they paid those Thailand people? Well, it's kind of crazy when you find out that his son died as well,

and died because there was a bullet in a gun. It was supposed to be a blank gun, or it had a piece in it or something like that. We don't know. We'll never fucking know. If you were thinking that some really really crazy really rich chinese gangster guy wanted his son dead as well some real old school genghis khan type shit kill the man and then and then put a hit on his son and that that's how it went down i mean i don't know what happened to him i don't know but that's always been the conspiracy theory. People love those kind of crazy stories.

They love the kind of crazy story of a curse on him. I never thought about no curse or the samurai touched his back. Like Eddie Griffin said, shit, samurai touched him with the murder touch. But it is crazy. He went home and got a blood clot. Brandon Lee was killing us on set. My thing was this. This was my philosophy on it.

The DEA never talks about heroin coming from Chinese. Chinese have been bringing heroin into this country since Jesus left Chicago. But they're that smart. They're that smart and they don't flaunt it. When you see a Chinese restaurant, what do you see? You see 50 people. You see white people in there serving? No, the whole family's in there. When you go to a good Chinese restaurant, what do you see?

You see the kid and the two kids doing homework at the table, don't you? The whole family runs it. They all move in together. They all do all that shit. They're not Puerto Ricans, bro. They're not fucking Italians that buy a Lincoln Continental. Oh, look at me. They keep it low.

They never could get busted. They have such a great system. The triads, those Chinese gangsters. Remember, the mafia concept is not Italian. It's Chinese. It's Chi-fucking-nese. So spaghetti. Well, I don't know about spaghetti. You know that? Yeah. Noodles. Noodles

came from China. They brought it to Italy. The Italians came over to China, found noodles, brought it back to Italy. And said, oh, we made, me and Bobby Mix, we got together. We fucking together. Some Chinese got together. Some power. Some fucking gabagooch. So I think that they made all this money in China, wherever they made these movies, because after

that, the producers of him were Run Run Shaw and Raymond Chow. Raymond Chow, after Bruce Lee died, Raymond Chow became a big partner in Warner Brothers. In fact, he produced a bunch of the Charles Bronson movies. Wow. Do you understand me? So there was a lot of kinky shit going on. Then 30 years later, they killed his son.

If you watch Godfather II, what does he do? He kills the fucking sons. He lets Vito live. Vito goes back to the United States, gets power, and comes back and kills the father. Bye-ya. Bye-ya. Hey, easy. Bye-ya.

Turn the machine on. Jesus Christ. They're not going to stink. Those are good farts. You're out of your fucking mind. Those are salmon farts, bro. You got something wrong with your nose. Go to a doctor.

No, those are salmon. I did a little hemp force protein. You ever smell a bear fart? It's terrible. Bear farts. Bear farts in your face. You don't have bear fart? It's terrible. A bear fart's in your face. You don't have to turn that on, really. Just sit down.

That's Glutacor with some hemp force protein in that motherfucker. Oh! Oh! Oh, Joey Diaz. So where can people check you out? Where you got dates coming up? This week, I'm in Lovett's. You're in Lovett's?

Just a Saturday night, 10 o'clock show just to get warmed up. And Dee's still running that place? Yeah, Dee's back over there. I'm doing Valentine's 10 o'clock and Saturday 10 o'clock show just to get warmed up. And Dee's still running that place? Yeah, Dee's back over there. I'm doing Valentine's 10 o'clock and Saturday 10 o'clock. Then I'm in Boston. Then I'm in fucking Stress Factory with Vinny. Vinny, whatever. Vinny don't know what he's got in his hands.

And all my gangster buddies are coming out. Oh, yeah? Kids I haven't seen, bro. They call me up. They're like, we want a fucking table. Uh-oh. They want a table. And we ain't paying. I said, that's fine. They said they're not paying? These, we want a fucking table. Uh-oh. They want a table. And we ain't paying.

I said, that's fine. They said they're not paying? These motherfuckers will grab Vinny by the throat, dog. Well, let's not say that. No, I'm just fucking around. These guys are crazy. Yeah. But I'm going to have a good time.

No, everything's going great. I'm still doing the podcast. The podcast is still phenomenal. I released a CD on New Year's Eve. It's still up there. So, I want to thank everybody for giving Dead Squad all the love in the world, man. So that's the John Lovitz this weekend,

and then where after that? I'm in Laugh Boston February 26th. I'm in New Jersey March 6th. I'm in fucking Chicago March 13th. And it is, what's your website? JoeyDiaz.net. JoeyDiaz.net. All the tour dates, stay there.

Boom, ladies and gentlemen. As for me, I got Dallas, Texas, Verizon Theater on March 14th with Duncan, Trussell, and Ari Shafir. And then Miami on April 3rd. And then Orlando with you on April 18th. And then Baltimore again with Joey Diaz on April 25th. Go to joerogan.net. Check out the tour dates.

Brian, what do you got coming up? You said you had a new date? Yeah, I have January 28th through March 1st, La Jolla Comedy Store. And then April 18th, Portland, Oregon. April 19th, Seattle. And April 20th, Vancouver. And where do they find that?

JustSquad.tv. Boom, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks to this new sponsor. Nature's Box. Tremendous. Nature's Box for delicious snacks. Delicious snacks that are actually good for you. Powerful Nature's Box.

Let me pull up their little thing. Thanks also to, who else did I say? Ting? Ting. Ting. Rogan.Ting.ting.com Go there, save yourself $25 off of any of their new phones.

Thanks also to audible.com Go to audible.com forward slash Joe and get a free audio book and 30 free days of audible service. Go to naturebox.com slash rogan. That's naturebox.com slash rogan.

And save some money. What are they going to give you? They get a 50% off by going to naturebox.com slash rogan and try your first order. Try your first order of delicious, healthy snacks sent right to your door. order. Try your first order of delicious, healthy snacks sent right to your door. And these things are what they're doing is giving you

healthy choices. So instead of going to a vending machine and getting some shit that's going to be bad for you, you're getting zero trans fats, zero high fructose corn syrup, and nothing artificial. NatureBox ships for free. So that's naturebox.com slash rogan. Alright, fucks, we love the shit out of you and we'll see you Monday. So that's naturebox.com slash rogan.

All right, fucks. We love the shit out of you, and we'll see you Monday. Stay black. Big kiss.