The Joe Rogan Experience - #465 - Greg Proops

Episode Date: March 5, 2014

Greg Proops is a stand-up comedian, also well-known for his improv comedy on the show "Whose Line is it Anyway?". He also currently hosts his own podcast called "The Smartest Man In The World", available on Spotify. He also has a new special available online March 26 called "Greg Proops Live at Musso and Frank".

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. That's an awesome two- Objet dart? That hasn't been used on your show. No, never. Both of them. Clever subterfuge is such an awesome one, too. It's a two-word whammer. It's very rare that you can knock something down like that with two words. I set you up with the off-speed, and then I bring in the high-hard cheese. That's true, because clever is overused. But clever with subterfuge is a deadly combination. Subterfuge is such a great word, and I don't use it enough.

I like persiflage, too, because that's just totally cloaking the issue. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one that'll make people not sure whether they should agree with you, because if they get in any sort of an argument with you, it would be revealed that they don't truly know the meaning to that word. Yeah, exactly. That's why that one works so well. Especially if you're in L.A.

Especially if you're in L.A. Yeah. Especially if you're in L.A. You know, that's a, Dom Herrera was talking about how he would do that with Dennis Miller. Him and his ex-wife, they would make up a word and say it around Dennis Miller. You know, it was like

To see if Dennis would question him. It was like when Hemingway went with the spittoon in the bayou. And he was like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like, they're just making things up. Right, right. And he would laugh.

He would laugh at, like, they would make up a fake word. Yeah. And they would do it, like, you know, Don Marrera is a ball buster. Yeah. And he would do it purposely to fuck with them.

That's hilarious. Come up with fake words. Right, right. You don't want to be the asshole who doesn't know that's your word. That's like an anti-kintata. Yeah. Sure is, babe.

But is that a weird thing where people, like, have an ego vested in knowing something? Like you can't know everything. No. I always want to ask if I don't know, though. Like if I don't know a word someone's using, I'll say it. I haven't heard that.

There's nothing wrong with that. Why do people resist that so much? Is that like men that don't want to ask for directions? Is it the same sort of thing? Well, I don't do that. So there. I'd like to say I was more evolved in that regard, but I'm not. How come you don't ask for directions? You don't want to ask for directions? Well, I don't do that. I'd like to say I was more evolved in that regard, but I'm not. How come you don't ask for

directions? I don't like to be told what to do. I don't like don't walk signs. I don't like stop signs. I think that's why people shoot yield signs on the side of the road in meth areas. People just get tired of the signs bearing down on them all the time. Plus, it's your fight in the power.

Exactly. Shooting a yield sign Right Fuck you I'm gonna kick this meth Yeah All the signs to shoot That's like the saddest sign Isn't it though

And it's always yield though That's the one that's the most shot up It's like why Stop Fuck you I'm not stopping Right I don't wanna shoot this sign Cause what if somebody goes through the stop sign

And kills somebody I love Yeah Alright You can shoot the fucking shit out of a yield sign and everybody's going to be okay. Fuck you, yield. Yield yourself. Yeah, yield is just annoying. Yeah.

You should know how to yield. You get to one of those traffic circles, yeah, you should fucking figure it out. Everybody work it out together. No, no one knows how to. They have little roundabouts in West Hollywood. And I lived in England and you learn how to work at a roundabout. But people in LA have never quite figured out how it works. Well, they're commonplace in the East Coast.

Yeah. I had one right down the street from my house where Dick Doherty, the famed comic of Boston. You ever heard of Dick Doherty? No, why not? Godfather of Boston comics. Oh, okay, sure. Old school dude.

He used to actually book a lot of rooms, too. I worked for him. Gang of times. He was like the first guy to ever headline me. So I got a warm spot in my heart for Dick Doherty. But he wiped out on one of those loops. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he was going through one of those traffic circles, and somebody hit him.

Fucked him up, too, because he was already, I believe he was in his least 50s at the time. Yeah. And it was a pretty bad break, and he was laid up in his house with a cast on for quite a while. Yikes. Yeah, but that's because those traffic circles. Nobody knows how they work. They're weird. You're supposed to let the person go.

That's how it works. Yeah. Don't jump in ahead of them. That's not how it works. Yeah, don't be a dick. Don't try to save an extra second and cause death. Whoever's in the circle, it's theirs until they get out of the circle. That's why.

And you get to go around again if you miss your turn. That's what makes them a circle there's dick Daugherty dick Daugherty got okay now he was actually in a band yeah he's okay I mean I'm sure his ankles fuck there's a bunch of comic clubs yeah yeah we always did yeah he was the first guy to ever headline me the first guy that's the first guy to ever give me like real work on the road and put me in like you know legit clubs right dick Daugherty's Comedy Hut. I worked there with Bobby Kelly and Dane Cook. Nice.

When Dane Cook was a part of Owl and the Monkeys, Dane Cook was in a troupe, like an improv troupe with Bobby Kelly. And they would do sketches and then they would do stand-up. They would all do a couple sketches and at the end they would each do individual stand-up. They'd do five minutes each or ten minutes each or something like that. And Dane was a part of that. do stand-up. Like, they would all do a couple sketches, and at the end, they would each do individual stand-up.

Like, they'd do five minutes each or ten minutes each or something like that, and Dane was a part of that. And then Dane and Bobby started doing stand-up on their own, and now Al lives out here, and he's doing something.

Something showbiz related. All improv group names are awesome. I lived in San Francisco, and there was a group there called Papaya Juice, and they were the old school guys. And then our group was called Fault Line.

Get it? Because we were from San Francisco. I get it. Yeah. That's the kind of shit you have to live down the rest of your life

but it's like, hey man, we were 20, you know? Yeah. Is that how you got into comedy? Through like doing an improv troupe?

No, I'd never seen it. Yeah, no, yeah. It is actually, yeah. I was in a group with a bunch of guys in San Francisco, and Mike McShane was in that group. I don't know if you know Mike. I've heard the name. He's an actor, and he was on Who's Lonest Stuff.

Okay, that's where it is. And then I did stand-up after that when we broke up. And then we all kind of did our own thing after that. But we wrote sketches, too, and we did improv. So, like, we had a show that had sketches and improv. Right, right. And we put it on at a place in San Francisco, 9th and Market. This is in the 80s.

Wow. Yeah, and, you know, so we had little costumes and shit like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. We wrote songs and everything. What kind of sketches? Like, what would you do? Like, some of the funnier ones. We did one where these two poodles were in love.

Two old ladies were taking two poodles out for a walk. They had to wear little dog ears or whatever. They had this mad French affair. I remember Mike wrote that one. But we would do political stuff too. We would do whole shows about law. I remember we did a Nelson Mandela Sesame Street sketch that was supposed to be part of a show.

I should think of a funnier one. So far, I don't think I've rocked you with any. I know. We used to do a Talking Heads parody. That was how we would open the show. Did you have a crazy suit? Oh, yeah. Same as it ever was.

It was that year. Was he the first guy to rock the giant suit? Same as it ever was. It was that year. And it was... Was he the first guy to rock the giant suit? I think so. I think he was, right? Yeah. Have you ever seen the videos of him driving around Manhattan on a bicycle now? No.

Why does he do that? He's a bicycle enthusiast. Oh, is he? Yeah. They actually did a short documentary on it, on him and his bicycle routes and where he goes, places that he goes that are bicycle friendly. He loves getting around on a bicycle. Oh, wow.

And apparently on the west side, there's like a path, like a big goes that are bicycle friendly. He loves getting around on a bicycle. Oh, wow. And apparently on the west side, there's like a path, like a big path that's just for bikes. Really? It's joggers and people on bikes. And David Byrne like takes that to work every day and drives around with fucking cabs and shit. Good for him. David Byrne, yeah.

He takes it to concerts. There's a video of him. See if you can find it. That's too much, but okay. He'll get on his bike And go from his apartment To a concert And play And play

From his fucking bike Wow Yeah Yeah it's weird man So he's a French guy From the 20s He's living in Manhattan And he's a rock star

But he loves it I mean I guess it's probably It's good exercise For sure I was gonna say He looks great He looks very Thin

Yeah he looks healthy. And it's probably fun. I bet walking is fucking boring to him. Once you do that a lot, you're on your bike, you're zipping around. Right, because bikes are fast. Walking is a stroll, yeah. Bikes are fast. And you're also, you're like riding something.

We forget that it's fun to ride a bike. My three-year-old and my five-year-old, when they get on bikes, they're like, Woo-hoo! Yeah, they're going crazy. This is fucking great! Yeah. Woo! We forget that bikes are awesome to ride.

Like, bikes are fun. When you first get one when you're little, it's just like unlimited freedom. Because it means you've got mad range now. Yeah. It's like your car. You can finally go to the store. Yeah, you can get around the neighborhood. Oh, you can go miles.

Yeah. You can go down to the park and do the thing and come back. And you would run into packs of other kids, like dogs, like wild dogs. All on bikes. All had bikes.

Yeah. Everybody mounted. Everybody mounted. Everybody looked at each other squirrelly. It was like the, you know, the modern day version

of people on horses. Absolutely. Back in the riding hood days. They would run into each other in the woods and try to figure out if anybody had beef. Yeah.

Figure out if you had to fucking sling some arrows on a bitch. Yeah. But did you see the videos of David Byrne? Yeah. Figure out if you had to fucking sling some arrows on a bitch. Yeah. But did you see the videos of David Byrne? We were playing them. It's crazy. I mean, he's super dedicated to it.

It's kind of impressive, you know, because he takes cameras with him. He puts a GoPro on. You could watch him go through Manhattan. It's like, wow. Does he wear a helmet? Yeah, there he is. Oh, there he is. Yeah, he wears a helmet.

I guess I could look at one of the other monitors instead of the one behind me. I'm not very clever at figuring. Oh, there he is. Oh, no, he's still skinny. Oh, yeah, no, he's in great shape. He seems like healthy because of it, too. I mean, you think about it, that's a lot of really good exercise.

Riding a bike is great cardio. It's good for the legs. Oh, yeah. It's fucking good exercise. It's fine. No, it's probably not. What would be better, running? The problem is, Tommy Segura's got a great joke about it. Bikers that think they're fucking cars,

and they get in the middle of the street. It's so true. There's that. There's this relationship with cars. It's like, if everybody was on a bike, it would be awesome. It would be great to ride bikes. But everybody's not on a bike. There's a lot of these assholes in these giant metal boxes that are texting.

And when you're on a little bike and someone's in a giant metal texting box where they're looking down every 10 seconds. They're going to squash you like potatoes. You're going to go flying at the very least. Something horrible is going to happen. That's the part I can't ride a bike in LA over. It's not so much that I'm against bikes. It's that I drive, just even driving over here today, I already experienced that I hate living here.

You know the word people just bum you out so hard because of the way they're driving that you're like. Why don't you go to San Francisco? You would fit right in like a glove there. Well, I'm from San Francisco. I know, but that's what I'm saying. Why don't you go back? I can't afford to live there anymore. Is that what it is, really?

I'd have to live in like Belmont or one of the little suburbs. I actually looked at real estate when I was in San Francisco. I have some friends that live up there, and I was like, hmm, I wonder what I could buy here. And I was looking at these fucking houses in the city. They were like $4 million, and they were smushed next to each other. I mean fucking smushed. And you're looking at the house, and you're like, it's a nice house, sure, but that's not a $4 million house.

You get no yard and the roof works sometimes. If you're lucky, you get an old-ass house. And if one of them goes up in flames, you better hope it's not the one on the bottom.

Right. Because if it's on the bottom of the hill, the fucking fire goes uphill. Yeah. But if it's at the top of the hill, you might make it. You might make it.

They might be able to soak everything down that's connected to each other. You have to keep your house moist, which is easy in San Francisco. Just let it sit there. They're usually pretty moist. Just leave the hose on when you're running. I mean, I love it up there.

I'd love to have a crib up there. I should have bought one when I lived there, but I didn't have any money when I lived there. So I left. Yeah, that would have been a good investment. Who would have thought that it would become this unbelievable tech hangout? We thought it was expensive then. But yeah, no, I never thought it would become Toontown or whatever, where everybody's heading off on a little white bus to a little factory making stuff.

I know, it's weird, right? I didn't think it was going to turn into that. And that would be the privilege class. Do you know anybody who does that? Do you know anybody who works? No, I don't. But if I had Google Glasses, I would see if I could see them in my mind. But I don't have Google Glasses.

I just have regular glasses. I have Pruple Glasses. Pruple Glasses. I got to try Google Glass way back in the day when it wasn't ready for prime time. Really? And did it work? Yeah. Well, I didn't like it.

I think there's something there for sure, but it's a baby. It's like a dual reel recorder for sound. You don't need that anymore. You have a phone. You press the app on the phone. You can hear everything really clearly. That's what that stupid thing is. It's not ready yet.

But one day there's going to be something weird like that. Oh, of course there will. You swipe it and you can see things. You see in front of you can move them you can say google greg proops and it'll pull up a wiki on you and you can look at the wiki it's weird man the navigation thing too is weird you're looking at this floating thing in front of your eyeball that's telling you where to go i didn't like it because i have a phone and i can do all that shit on my phone and i don't have to be attached to it like a robot. I'm not ready to symbiote yet.

But that's the next step, right? And that's why those are – do you ever read an author named Ian M. Banks? He passed away last year. He was a sci-fi author. But to make a long story short, his world that he created was called the culture and it was basically our world but amplified into a sci-fi thing. world that he created was called the culture and it was basically our world but amplified into a sci-fi thing we're benign nice people who believe in global warming and music and good times and you know shag rugs and whatnot my folks but all the right what nice white folks no my folks my people yeah my people and then uh there was another uh uh force in the universe that was

another culture but they weren't the culture They were slightly more primitive and they believed in war and rape and murder and shit like that. And so the culture, because they had taught themselves not to be that way anymore, thought that it was their duty to empirically lay their values on every other culture that they ran into. Wait a minute, man. But in any case, why does this sound familiar? Yeah, that's what made it so good. The computers in it were your friends and spoke to you and sort of rolled with you. You could have one like a pen in your pocket or whatever. But then also they'd be like next to you and be like, Joe, what's up?

It'd be like a floating thing and it would age with you. And, you know, so you were kind of always on, you know what I mean? And if you wanted to feel a certain way, you didn't have to take drugs. You'd have all these glands that were already genetically in you. So you could be like, I want to be hyper and focused right now. And you'd gland some go. And then like, I want to be high and out of it and trip. I'm going to have some zang or whatever.

And then you'd mix that with maybe alcohol or something you'd smoke to, you know. We're already doing these things. I know. But I mean, I thought that he is a, you know, and if you wanted to change sex, like say you want to have a baby, like you're Joe, but like for a couple of years, you want to be a mom and have a baby. You can change sex gradually by gliding. And then you can have your baby and then go back to being a man again,

if you want. That's totally going to happen. Well, that's what I, I really feel like he anticipated all these things with that. And also the, the liberal fascism of people that have technology at their disposal that feel that they have a benign view of the world

without ever taking into account it, which is the crux of all the books, right? Because they constantly run into other cultures. Wow. And other cultures still act like humans. What year did he write this? Huh? What year did he write this?

This is all through the 90s and 80s, 90s and 2000s. God, he nailed it. I think they're really good at it. You could read one that's called The Player of Games or Accession and all these different ones. It's just that the point of view is what makes me laugh. You see, they've created entities to live on. You don't have to live on a planet.

They've made rings in space or they've made an asteroid and that people can live in those places too. And the ships are created by minds. They're no longer created by people in a room. Minds that are underground that are unbelievably advanced think of these things. When you get in a spaceship, you don't program it or drive it. You go,

let's go. It goes, we're off to the something system and it makes all the decisions. It's not a highly developed technology where you're just interacting with it on that level. I had this guy, Robert Green, on the podcast yesterday and we were talking about what will be looked at when they look back at this time,

in our time right now, what will be looked at in a preposterous way. I think these things. The same way that we look back at Victorian tables having clothes on the legs so that people wouldn't get excited, they would do that. They would put dresses on legs.

I think SeaWorld's going to be a big one. SeaWorld? Yeah. What, you mean like the idea of having like concentration camps for animals yeah yeah yeah not just zoos but sea world specifically because the the only argument about zoos is that they're stupid animals it's the only argument i don't agree with it but it's the only the only argument that works but that argument doesn't work at all when you have these crazy sea people But that argument doesn't work at all when you have these crazy sea people, which is what dolphins and orcas are. And SeaWorld just had this crazy tweet, man.

I don't know who runs their PR, but it's the scariest tweet because this is what they say. They say a study shows that Black House is Blackfish. Black House. That's the MMA gym. Black Fish, Black House, that's the MMA gym. Black Fish is propaganda and that it shows a commensurate death time for wild orcas and for orcas that live in captivity. That's their argument, that they

live the same length. As if somehow or another length of life is what's important. Not the fact that you're in a fucking swimming pool for the rest of your life. The fact that they even put that in a tweet is like, are you guys nuts? Do you guys really not understand what's going on?

You've got a prison camp going on. Those things are like people. They're like alien people that don't have thumbs. They can't manipulate their environment. And so because they can't manipulate their environment, we somehow or another accept them for not being just like us. They're fucking just like us. They're just

like us. If you look them in the eyes, there's a tangible sense that something intelligent is looking at you. Oh, clearly. Clearly. Oh, and look what they've done. They've persisted since the dinosaur times and they still exist and they've had to put up with every manner of nonsense from us and shit. Yeah. And they can communicate over great distances they're sensitive they live in packs

they have fucking they have a social hierarchy they have accents they sound different in the north than they do in the south they i mean they understand the concept of motherhood and fealty and all those things yeah they watch the truth we respect the mother-calf bond. So what? You force them to fucking have incest. We had a guy on who was a, Phil Demers was a trainer at Marineland in Canada. And he was telling us horrible stories about having to force feed these animals. And he's tweeted pictures of it and how just terrible the conditions are. These animals, they take them into captivity and then they just totally seize up. They don't want to eat.

So they have to force feed them sometimes. Of course, they want to kill themselves. Yeah, they're depressed beyond belief. Well, they don't live with their pack anymore, and they probably, now you're in a swimming pool, as you said. They can't get out either. There's no way to get out. Could you imagine if something took humans and couldn't understand our words

and trapped us in some fucking alien fish tank and just stared at us? Oh, my God. And then force fed you. We would be horrified if we found out that one of our people was taking captivity like that. We wouldn't think, oh he lived to be the same age as a regular person. And that's what they're saying.

It's vile. But I've always called them that though. They really are. I don't know. Remember the one a few years ago that he killed three or four trainers? Tickle him, is that his name? To kill him? Right, and people were like, oh my god, and you're like, the question isn't really like

did he kill them? His job as a killer whale I think you'll find is to kill things and eat them. But it was obviously out of frustration, not out of... I mean, I'm not, you know, I'm just saying, when they execute animals for killing keepers, it i'm not you know i'm just saying when they when they execute

animals for killing keepers it always seems you know sort of like putting the question before the answer if you were in captivity you would certainly try to kill anything that was fucking with you and not only that you're talking about something that doesn't have any moral standards there's not i mean we we only assume that they have moral standards of behavior that they follow because they all follow. But they commit genocide on a regular basis. Yeah. I mean, it's not saying that they're perfect because they're not perfect.

Dolphins commit infanticide. Oh, and rape. Dolphins rape. And then orcas eat dolphins. Oh, yeah, they do. They know they're smart. They kill dolphins all the time. So we're not dealing with, it's not a black and white issue here.

It's not like they're the angels of the sea. They're ruthless murderers Yeah, all of them, but they're awesome, you know, and that's their world I was gonna say but they're there that's what they're born to do. That's what we are too We're just attending. We're not because we're here and you know fucking the valley In a fucking office park, I mean, it's ridiculous man. It was ridiculous. We're pretending we're not a part of this machine It's ridiculous. We're pretending we're not a part of this machine, this crazy fucking machine.

It's just the numbers are different, and they're distributed in a more unique way than in the dolphin world. But ultimately, the same shit gets done. Your enemies get killed. You know, a lot of horrible shit goes down. And then the orcas come in and fuck everybody up. It's not much different than being in Afghanistan when helicopters are flying overhead.

No, it's not. It seems to me really similar. It's quite similar. I think they dress better. I love the orca motif. Black and white is always chic. So the documentary is causing real problems for SeaWorld. That's great.

The people in SeaWorld, too. I know that this is how they make their living, and I know that they enjoy making a living this way but you can't do it you can't do it i like what michelle michelle rodriguez says she said that they should invest money in making robots you know for like the make make fish robots instead of those things would kill people that's a good idea but i think the real the smart idea is to set up an area where there's no fucking pollution, where you develop a relationship with positive dolphins, so you communicate with them and exchange food for their attention. And you come and hang out with them, and they're fucking smart. They'll figure it out.

They don't have to go chasing tuna if they go near this one particular raft where they've developed a treaty with human beings. So the human beings show up with tuna, which would be far fucking cheaper than a giant building filled with shit. But if we could all get our shit together and just make friends with these fucking things and give them food in exchange for love, we would have a good time with dolphins. But instead, we have dolphin prison camps and we, you know, pay to see them and they do flips in the commercials and sync and everybody's happy.

Yeah, it's pretty freaky. It's freaky. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, we always think we're more superior to... They always talk about ancient Rome and, you know, because ancient Rome was so cruel and gladiators and then all the animal shows. They used to kill thousands of animals. But this is kind of our Roman moment. It really is.

Because you're taking highly developed creatures who can do complex behavior and you're training them to do these things for our amusement and using it at a base sort of selling popcorn level, and that's the ickiness of it. I feel bad because I have that photo of me and a dolphin now. I should remove it. You should change it. Hey, I have a manta ray from Marineland on my luggage, and it's the best thing in the world because I can always tell it's mine. I shouldn't have told anyone that. Now they're going to know.

The next luggage rock I go to, someone's going to see my manta ray. Still, it's Greg Proop's underwear. I will smell them. I will smell them. I've got to grab his to, someone's going to see my manor. I will smell them. I will smell them. I've got to grab his luggage because he's got a manor. I will smell his socks. Yeah,

you didn't think about it at the time. It was before we had that dude on. Yeah, it was right before Blackfish. Yeah, before Blackfish

and before, but I've always had this thing about dolphins. I got really high once in a boat in Hawaii and it changed my life. Did you meet a dolphin? with the dolphins.

They were jumping around and I was yelling to them and they were doing flips and we were looking at each other in the eyes and I was so barbecued. I was just so barbecued that I felt this really crazy connection with this animal. And I got to thinking

while this was going on, I was like, this is just like me. It's just me living a different life. And then I'm like, I bet if I was in that dolphin's head, I would probably be thinking the way he thinks. I would be living in that dolphin world. And if he was me, he would probably, you know, if he had a language and he could use my lips and all that, I mean, if he understood English, he'd probably be just like me. And I'm like, this is the same thing as us. It's just in a different world. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It really is just like us. and people deny that because they don't have stuff That's that's the only thing that they're only reason why they die. I mean what the fuck animal That's a wild animal does this and plays with a kitty cat. Come on, man You can't keep that in captivity. That thing is smart as fuck It has a cerebral cortex 40% larger than the human beings Those things are really smart. They just don't have to have thumbs. In their world, thumbs would get in the way. They don't have to

build houses. They just go swim where the water's awesome. They just eat fish and fucking party. And so they, their fingers actually turned into flippers over time. They didn't need fingers. These things started out on the ground. They were smart as shit.

Way smarter than a cat or a dog. Way smarter than a monkey. I mean, these things are fucking smart. Really smart. Like fucking people smart. Like Flipper smart? Maybe even smarter. How about that?

Maybe they sold Flipper short because they were haters. Yeah, no shit. Just like Lassie, you know? The ancient Greeks thought they were people, right? Yeah. The Dionysus turned them into dolphins? Yeah, wasn't that the rumor? Well, because they've always gotten along. And when the world was more sailor

oriented, like in the ancient times, when you kept to the coast and you only went out for a day or two because you couldn't even bring enough water with you and that sort of the little Mediterranean, dolphins were there always and dolphins were thought of as friendly because they often pointed you the way. Sometimes they'd come around boats just to hang around people

and the sailors would play with them. People must have killed them and eaten them though. They must have. No, I don't think they ate them as much in the Greek times. I think they understood that they were more sensitive than that. I'm sure they ate them occasionally. Yeah, I mean when you go really hungry and you're out in a boat. You're going to eat one, yeah. Japanese still do. Do they eat them

or they just murder them? Do they eat them? I think that's why they do and they still serve them out there in Japan. I think the cove, the reason why they're killing them is they're saying that they interfere with their tuna fishing. They wipe out too much of the tuna. And so it's like killing the enemy. It's like they feel like they have a

finite amount of food. Perfect, that's a great answer. It's not a good one. There's no fish left anyway, is there really? Well, that was the thing about Jiro Dreams of Sushi. He was talking about the difference in the quantity of fish that they used to get out of the ocean. Wasn't there a part in the cove that they actually showed that there was fish? They would test the fish what it was and they were like, oh, this is dolphin. I feel like there was a part in them. don't know i couldn't watch the whole thing i had to shut it off certainly they were right roped into the tunic catches forever and ever if they if they are not still yeah those things freak me out i've watched a video once the reason why i can't watch the the

movie is because i watched a video of a japanese fisherman uh killing dolphins with a like a knife on a dock. They were flopping around on a dock, and he's slicing their neck, and he's jumping out of the way. And he's aware that there's a camera on him, so he's got this weird uneasiness about it. It's really dark. It's so disturbing to see that animal that's smart as a human.

He's murdering a human. It's just like a human. I mean, the dolphins when at SeaWorld did appear like they were having fun and just everything was good. I'm sure. Are they playing with people? Yeah. It's probably the highlight of their day. Right. You know, if you went to prison and the prisoners couldn't kill you and they didn't have arms and they just needed hugs, they'd be hugging the shit out of you.

You know, and that's what's going on with the dolphins. That's not what's going on with killer whales, which is why you can't get in the tank with killer whales. I know. Yeah, they have the ability to kill you. I mean, a dolphin probably could fuck you up really bad if it wanted to, but there's been, like, no evidence of a dolphin ever doing that to a person. They apparently don't fight us, but killer whales have killed a bunch of people,

especially that one. Yeah. Only in captivity, by the way. Really? They don't attack in the wild? Nope. No, they've saved people in the wild. They've saved strangers in the wild who've just fallen by the way. Really? They don't attack in the wild? Nope. No, they've saved people in the wild. They've saved strangers in the wild who've just fallen into the water. They've helped people that were drowning.

They've nosed them up and brought them to other boats. Literally moved them with their nose to the boat. They knew where their friends were and helped them get rescued. They're that sentient. Yeah. They're so sentient that they let animals go. When they hunt, they'll kill a bunch of seals and they'll play with one

and they'll have their children learn how to hunt with this one wounded seal and then they'll let it go. They're like, you can go. We have a good exchange here. We're not going to kill you, but we needed to use you. We feel bad. We don't need to eat you. They also triangulate

when they hunt blue whales and the bigger whales. They post up. They do two on one side and one on the other side of estuaries and stuff. And that's when the blue whales migrate off California. The people who watch these things can't do anything about it, and they don't want to interfere, but the killer whales do try to kill them. And they hunt like Jurassic Park style, you know?

It is Jurassic Park style. One down the pipe and two in the back so that you're lured out, and then when you get in the middle, the other one comes at you, and that's the end of that. Have you ever seen the videos? Oh, yeah. I've seen them flipping the seals in the air and dolphins in the air. No, the videos of them eating a whale.

Oh, golly, yeah. Yeah, it's dark. There's some shockers. One of those. But, I mean, this is the way of nature, right? Like you said, they're murderers, that's what they do. It is the way of nature, and it's our way too. And, you know, we're hypocrites if we try

to pretend that there's something wrong with the way they live, but it's just disturbing in its raw realness. Oh my god, it's... Jesus. Zero concern for us watching that. Don't you think that's sort of why, I mean, not to get at, but, I've never read Moby Dick, but of course I'm familiar with the story. But the whole idea of whaling, which really is still going a little bit in a couple of countries like Norway and whatnot.

But this country was founded on whaling. The East Coast, especially New England, they went all around the world and whaled the living daylights out of the planet. We're talking about hundreds of thousands of millions of whales that they killed over the course of 150, 200 years. And that culture is so amazing. The danger, the raw fucking danger of hunting a whale in a boat.

You know? Oh, yeah. You lower three or four boats. There's 20 or 30 guys in each boat. You're trying to put a dart in a boat. You know? Oh, yeah. You lower two or four boats. There's 20 or 30 guys in each boat. You're trying to put a dart in this fucker and then rope it on

and then ride the fucker until you waste it and then render it right on the side of the boat. Yeah, you have to. You crane it up and, you know. Jesus Christ.

And then take all the oil out of it, fill the whole boat full of the oil and you're out for what? You go out for what? A year and a half? A year?

Wow. Yeah. And then try to come back to New England with all your stuff. It sucks that whales are awesome because if whales were shithead, whaling would be awesome. What if whales were like monsters?

They depicted them that way, but they even knew they were really sensitive. And there's a real story of Moby Dick. One whaler and a guy described, you can go on like Smithsonian online, there's a story about of Moby Dick one whaler and a guy described you can go on like Smithsonian online there's a story about whale ramming the boat man they fucking fought those boats tooth and nail the whales were smart and

sometimes they just turn on the boats and bam you know smash them in the side and break them that was the seal pull up the one where the killer whales eat a whale because that's that's the most disturbing one the playing with the seal is fascinating it just shows how intelligent they are.

They're actually training their young how to do this. They train them how to tip ice rafts over to knock the seal down so you can eat them. And they're practicing and showing the kid how to do it, and they're setting it up and putting the seal back in place. I mean, it's nuts. When you watch it, the level of intelligence, they're freaking really smart, really smart animals. Ever read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Joel Verne? God, I think I read it in high school. Yeah, you've seen the movie.

But in the book, there's a scene where there's a bunch of killer whales, and they watch them go into a frenzy. And also in the book, they use the buried treasure that they pull off the bottom of the sea to support a rebellion. And clearly Captain Nemo's not white. He's like Indian or Indonesian. Really? Yeah, yeah. They go to this one island where this prince is being mean to the population

and that's where Captain Nemo gives all the gold to that he pulls off the bottom of the ocean. And I always thought that's kind of an overlooked little part of the book that basically Nemo goes like, you're on my ship, you have to do what I want. And then when they go to this one place, he's like, oh, he gave all the gold to the rebels.

And that just sort of gets glossed over. Like he's not supporting the dominant paradigm while he's down there. He's against the U.S. government. He's giving money to rebels in Indonesia. It's a pretty groovy politics in it. And what year was that? That's like the 1880s and then – That's H.G. Wells, right?

Jules Verne, the Frenchman. What else did he do? He did another one. From the Earth to the Moon. The one where they go to the Moon. First Men in the Moon. And he wrote Fantastic Island. Magical Island.

What's the name of the one with the fucking... You know, they go to the island and all the giant crabs... Treasure Island. No, not Treasure Island. That's Robert Louis Stevenson. Forbidden. Magnificent Island. You know, it's another...

It's like a sci-fi. Yeah. Jules Verne gets done over and over because it's the same five stories over. You know, it's another... It's like a sci-fi. Yeah. Jewelvern gets done over and over because it's the same five stories over, you know. Did you ever... Him and H.G. Wells are always going to the moon. Yeah, I read War of the Worlds. The opening line is something like...

I can't remember the opening line. I'm paraphrasing. The Earth was being... We knew we were being watched. Or what we didn't know was we were being watched. And that's a great opening line for a sci-fi novel. The Martians are watching us. And then they send their ships and everything.

It's a beautiful sci-fi novel because it's so pre-sci. There's no sci. He made up all the sci. And Wells really did make it up. He knew nothing about technology. So it's awesome. You just go, what if there was a beam? You know how the tripods come out of the ships? and they have laser beams, and they basically laser beam everything?

He just sort of made up, it's going to be this beam of pure energy or whatever. Well, you know, it's fascinating. He did do that, but that's what a lot of people use as their template for the future. When they thought about future weapons, it was always a laser beam. It was always a beam. Well, I think once physics were understood that things were in particles, there wasn't that big a jump that there would just be a... First of all, isn't Zeus' thunderbolt the ultimate?

Yes. You know? Sure. Dude, I'm... Yeah, just, I mean, just thunder in general. Just the idea of this power, this electricity thing. Everybody knew what electricity was and what it could do. I would have loved to have been alive before electricity was explained and see what the fuck people were saying.

Yeah, bitches. Could you imagine what people were saying back when people barely had a language? They barely could string together a sentence that you would understand. And the fucking sky, bolts of light coming out of the sky and hitting the ground. Balls of light. Yeah, that too. Furrowed through a field. You have to deal with that.

You know, there's been an instance that I read about of ball lightning. Like there's been several instances of ball lightning that they think explains UFOs. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised. They think that a lot of, not all UFOs, obviously, but some UFO sightings, they talk about these orbs that are flying orbs of light. Apparently under certain geological pressures, like certain pressures near fault lines and the like, there's fucking bolts of lightning that come out of the ground. I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah, it can last for like three or four seconds.

Well, if everything in the world is an electric charge, and everything is. Totally makes sense, right? Just a weird spark that occurs. What is this? I've never seen... Ball lightning. Oh yeah, ball lightning. It's really exciting. My wife and I were in Capri once and it's a little island

off the coast of Naples and is that a UFO? Well, I think they're saying this is ball lightning. Yeah. I could believe it would be ball lightning because ball lightning has weird properties. Yeah. Look at that. It just disappeared.

Right. It's ephemeral and it's brighter than fuck so you can see it from miles away, right? Right. And when lightning hits things, you know how you always see sparks and shit? Well, my wife and I were sitting – we were having dinner and it's a little Island and a big storm started brewing on the Mediterranean. And all of a sudden everything, you know, the ozone in the air and your hair starts to stand up and it was a light breeze and Capri smells like lemons and bay leaf. So it was really beautiful. And I said to my wife, and this is what a rabbit smells like right before the lid comes down on the pot, um, bay leaf and lemon. And then, Hey, I'm like, I'm, oh, oh. And then we sat on the balcony of our hotel,

and the storm never hit Capri, but it was several miles away, and we watched it. And it just, just giant lightning strikes out in the clouds. But it never got close enough to rain, you know what I mean? Oh, that's great. And it was, yeah, I said, this is like watching the gods play, right? Like, we're sitting here with a glass of wine and the air is electric Wow and all you you'd hear it You know and then you know you see it and then you'd hear it afterwards because it was that far away there now You need clouds to have light yeah, and the clouds are just crashing together, and it would you'd see like

What I'm saying is where you were you didn't have to worry There's no clouds above you you didn't have to worry worry? It was at least a couple of miles away. Wow. So you had a clear sky. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, clear Mediterranean sky, simply that you could feel the raised electricity in the air

because there was a breeze blowing and your hair was on end. Wow. And there was a lot of ozone, you know, from all the crashing, but it never got close enough to never hit the island. It never poured rain. It just sort of stayed right off the island.

And I was like, that's so exciting if I could always have storms to spectate, you know. Because you'd watch a ball just like shoot from one cloud to another or arcing rope, you know. And it was endlessly entertaining. There's nothing more entertaining than lightning, you know, than the noise of the thunder and that smell of... Especially if you know you're not going to die. That was what made it so great. We were sitting there with a joint and a glass of wine. It was like, you know, heavenly.

Because if you're in a city, like if you're in New York City and a big time thunderstorm goes on, you have this weird feeling that lightning could hit this fucking building at any time and my windows could explode. that lightning could hit this fucking building at any time, and my windows could explode. I was on a plane with my wife going into Frankfurt, Germany for the World Cup, like, in 2006, and we flew through a giant electrical storm.

So we're on the plane, and I'm looking out the window, and the plane's bouncing up and down, and a giant ball of lightning struck the wing of the plane. Oh, my God. And I watched it come, and it went like this and then bang and there was a huge booming noise the lights dimmed for a second and went right back on and everyone on the plane like that right oh my god

flight attendants went fucking white which then i was a little scared because i thought well they shouldn't be freaked out right and? And my wife was panicky. And I went, not that I was so great, but I went, the wing's still there. Let's start there. It hit the wing. The wing is completely intact. It hit the lightning rod at the end of the little metal thing they have at the end of the wing. Do they have a metal thing to attract lightning?

Planes have an exoskeleton thing around them. So when lightning hits, it disperses around the planet. Oh, so they prepare for that. Yeah, yeah. Obviously you have to, right? Yeah, because they're going to fly through electricity. Look at that. Look at that picture.

Oh, my God. Planes, you never hear about planes blowing up because they got hit by lightning. Look at this. Watch this. Oh, that's crazy because when you see it in real life, it looked like nothing. It looked so fast.

Yeah. But you see what it actually is. So it got hit, and then the pilot didn't come on for like 10 minutes that rat he let us all sweat and everybody was like scared shitless maybe and then the pilot came on and he talked like Kissinger he was German obviously but he first he didn't German than in English but when he spoke in English he sounded like Kissinger and everybody was like oh my god what's There's nothing to worry about The light thing is Harmless and everybody was like oh my god. What's going on here, but it was scary This is the Turkish airplane hit by lightning strike inside plane video

But I don't know why there was sparks going look at the door the doors Oh, they just got hit right there and the lights go out. Oh My god, this is terrifying The mountains. The other shit's terrifying, man. Shut it off. I know, we're going to have nightmares. Don't ever put that back on again.

We got to fly everywhere. I'm flying this weekend. Fuck that, man. Through lightning. Let's just get together and drive. Come on, man. No, man. You know.

Flying through the sky while the fucking gods are angry. It just doesn't seem like fun. Did I tell you this one? If I've told it, I'll stop. We were flying to Australia a couple years ago, and it was on a little plane. Usually you're on a giant plane, but it was on like a 737 that you would take to Phoenix. All the way to Australia? Yeah, yeah.

How did they even do that? It was Virgin Australia, which is a groovy airline. So on the flight with me and my wife is The Game. You know this guy? He's a rapper, right? He's got a tattoo on his head and whatnot. And Kerry Hilden, who's also a rapper. And they're posse, right?

So it's hectic, right? It starts to get bumpy. And the pilot comes on and goes, like, everybody strap in, okay? For like ever. And Australia is 15 hours, 16. It's long. It's a whole day. And this lasted literally five hours, right?

Wow. Just bouncing up and down, side to side, pitching you all the whole thing. And on the sky map, it says, like, Pago, Pago, 1,500 kilometers, meaning you're 1,500 kilometers from Pago, Pago. In other words, the Pacific Ocean is so big, there's no land masses. Nothing. Anywhere near you, where you're going over, right? So you're not going to go in because it's turbulence.

It's not... You're freaking me out. You're not going to die. This isn't electricity. Turbulence doesn't make planes crash. It doesn't? Unless there's some sort of hideous structural defect on the plane, like the wings aren't glued

on or whatever. Hideous structural defect. Generally. That's all I'm thinking about. Generally. You've been in a plane with turbulence. That's not what makes them crash. But anyways, it's terrible in any case. So we get through it. Next morning, the rappers get up and they're all like, oh, my God, I thought I was going to die.

And, you know, it was so bad last night. I was praying and la, la, la. They're all really shook up. And Carrie Hilton is a very lovely young rapper lady. Wakes up. It's been all night, mind you. No one can move. I stopped holding my wife's hand for five, all night, mind you. No one can move. I stopped holding my wife's hand for five,

you know, like this. Goes like this. What happened? And the rappers go, you didn't feel it, we were going to die that night. And she goes, I took a pill, I didn't see anything. Ambience a motherfucker. And then she ate one piece of fruit

and put on a leopard mini skirt and came out with her makeup and signed autographs and I was like, you're a motherfucker. And then she ate one piece of fruit and put on a leopard miniskirt and came out with her makeup and signed autographs. And I was like, you're a star. I want you on my team. You are Alexander the Great. Everyone was scared. The adrenaline you could smell in the plane, you know what I mean, from five hours of bouncing.

You know, just that, oh. You know, you want it to stop, stop bouncing so we can stop producing. And she just woke up and went, yeah, fucking put on a push-up bra. Getting ready for the photo call when they got off the plane. I believe you did tell the story. I remember the story. But I just loved her

self-affair. I was like, you gotta be kidding me, man. Yeah, it was either this podcast or another podcast. I heard you tell that story. I remember it now after it's over. We talked about the girl getting out and changing. Yeah. That's a great story.

It's great that someone could be that out cold on Ambien. So there's positive things to Ambien. I always talk a lot of shit about Ambien. But if Ambien can get you to avoid that. Not one minute of it. And it lasted forever. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to repeat it

but it always made me laugh because I was scared to death and when I got off the plane I looked like, you know, something James Brolin sat on. I was squishy and moist.

What's your dams per day? Yeah. And, you know, you're just wrecked and all I wanted to do was like, you know,

eat a club sandwich and die, you know, because you're like, God, we're on the ground. And she's just like, hey. Who's for pictures? That's hilarious. There's something to being oblivious.

Oh, oblivion is... No brain, no pain. I had a friend that was a martial artist. And he would get real nervous and real upset before fights. And he couldn't understand why some people wouldn't. Why the people were calm and relaxed. Right. And I said, you're smarter.

I said, you know about the consequences. You're aware of the possibilities. You have more of a burden. You have a burden of understanding. Whereas there's a bunch of people out here that think they're the baddest motherfucker that ever lived You know, you're not the baddest motherfucker that ever did lived but you get this strange thrill out of competing and you you You find yourself compelled to see how far you can push it, but you're well aware of the consequences So you better be careful, you know be careful. You're fucking you're smart

You're thinking that's why people freak out the people that don't freak, the people that can just skate through, like, you don't want that. You don't want that. That's more of a burden. To skate through? The lack of awareness that you get by skating through. It's in your job, I suppose. Yes. But, I mean, like, not being terrified of things that everybody else is terrified of.

Well, you can die quicker from it. For sure. Because those people are asking for it. But there is certain awesomeness in oblivion that keeps you. Kenny Power style. Well, there's the thing about acting too in athletics, right? Because there's, you know, like I love Panda on San Francisco Giants, Arthur Baseman.

Anyone else would tell you to come up to the bat and think about what their pitcher's throwing and your chances of hitting it in a certain zone and you want to put a good swing on it. He seems to just lunge at shit that's over his head or down at his ankles. There's no rhyme or reason, but he's a superb hitter. He's got the strength and the coordination to do it at this point. The manager can't say anything when he golfs one into the stands off his ankles on a pitch he should surely

be laying off of that any coach would be up your dick for fucking offering on. You know what I mean? There's a certain amount of oblivion to that that I just think, well, that's the kind of player you are. There's that Babe Ruth quality of like, fuck you. I drank 20 beers. I fucked three girls. I ate five hot dogs and I hit a homer. What the fuck's your problem? Well, it's also also i think there's not the same consequences that there is with fighting you know fighting losing sucks but the people that have no concern whatsoever genuinely have no concern they're dangerous yeah they're in trouble too they're they're not just dangerous they're in trouble because you got to be you have to be scared literally your your

reflexes won't be tuned in correctly if you're not scared. You really shouldn't compete unless you have some nerves. You really should feel it. Otherwise, it's dangerous. Like, guys get cracked sometimes when they're overconfident because they go into a fight thinking that this isn't a threat when it's a huge threat. And the other person's on full threat. Yeah. The other person's fully adrenalined up.

Right. And they're moving, like, you know, 40% faster than they ever would in real life. And you're not, you know. Right, right. And then you're than they ever would in real life and you're not you know right right and then you're gonna get hit in the head because you're not gonna see it coming you're not alert you're not scared so you're not that level you're not moving quickly you're you're not like really amped up you're not totally concerned you're right yeah it's very important and it's really difficult for stupid people stupid people have they if nothing's happened to them yet they think they're fine.

They're invulnerable. What about in performing? I find like, a friend of mine said to me years ago, you get a script, and this is just a lame premise, but you get the idea. Like it's an audition

and it's not a very funny scene. Right. You're smart enough to look at it, one, because you have a sense of humor, and two, you're intelligent, to look at it and go, this scene's sucky, I gotta do something with it. Whereas a stupider actor looks at it, one, because you have a sense of humor, and two, you're intelligent, to look at it and go, this scene's sucky, I gotta do something with it. Whereas a stupider

actor looks at it and goes, man, that's hilarious. Right. You don't have the barrier of the editorial commenting, you know. Also, people get really delusional with anything that they're involved in or anything that they want to get. They start thinking it's much better than it really is. Right. I've had friends tell me, oh my god,

dude, there's this pilot we're filming, you've got to read this script. It's fucking hilarious. And then you read it and you're like, oh my god, this is shite. Right, it's lame. This is shite on a stick. Yeah. You shouldn't do this. You should turn this down. I turn them down now. When something comes up that's really I don't even read for it. I just like,

I can't. I don't get offered anything, but if I did, I'd have morals and I would turn it down. The only acting I've done at all in the last few years has been with Kevin James. Kevin James movies, just because he's such a nice guy. He's such a sweetie.

I love being around him, and he's a pal from our early days of comedy. Oh, absolutely. But other than that, auditioning for things, I miss that boat. It's too much work. It is a miss that boat. It's too much work. It is a lot of work.

It's too much. Also, when we can create our own little wizard realm, I don't... Yeah, why? I don't... The stress of it is so horrible. You wouldn't have as much fun

in a movie as you would do in a podcast. I never have as much fun doing anything as I do having podcasts. No, I'm serious. I bet. You're killing in front

of all these people live, creating things on the spot. Don't you love it more than anything you've ever... I mean... Stand-up and podcasting are both my favorite things ever. But I mean, just to being able to even control it to this level that we are

now when we... Look at 15 years ago. Yeah. That's all. Yeah, you couldn't have done it. No. We wouldn't have never got hired by radio stations. Neither one of us. No, and now we're our own crappy radio stations. It's great. Yeah, I mean, I had always thought about doing radio.

I always thought it would be really fun, but there was always that, they tell you what to say. Oh, you got to deal with a programmer. Because every time we ever did a morning show, there was always, oh, this fucking new executive's an asshole. He won't let us talk about tampons on the air.

Like, you can't say this. You can't say that. The R word. Remember the Joe show, Little Austin? Was that, yeah, Dale and Bob. Yeah. Dale Dudley. That was right when you weren't allowed to say retard anymore on the radio.

Well, they had a bunch of rules that they were having. I think when we would go on, the first couple times I went on, it was sort of hog wild. And then as time went on, they- They pulled back on that. Well, radio is changing. It's not, there's not a lot of like, there used to be, just in Boston alone, there was a series of morning DJs for rock stations. There was Charles Laquadera.

There was the guys on AAF, the Hillman now. There was all these different rock- The New Wave station station the classic rock station yeah everybody knew them everybody knew the DJs it was Mark Parenteau who was the afternoon guy

in Boston everybody knew these guys it's all been diced to pieces man they're competing with us now to be honest because they have to do podcasts of their radio shows

too and stuff or they're going for an older demo I find myself on a lot of easy listening or more classic-y pop type things that have a bigger, broader reach.

Now where it used to be that guy's show, now three or four other guys who had their own shows are all on that show too. Wow. Starting to glom together. Well, a lot of radio stations offer a supplemental podcast now. I know Kevin and Bean do that. Opie and Anthony do that. They have a podcast as well. There's still a few titans like that, man.

Bob and Tom have an empire in the Midwest. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Those guys can still do it. Kevin and Bean can still do that. They have a podcast as well. There's still a few titans like that, man. Bob and Tom have an empire in the Midwest. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, those guys can still do it. Kevin and Bean can still do it, but it's less and less, man. It used to be like there was thousands of them. I used to do three or four in San Francisco just alone. Just in San Francisco.

And that's a small market, right? Yeah. And then now there's one, two, and they've cut back on what they used to let you be on an hour, and now we changed. We want they used to let you be on an hour, and now we changed. We want people to listen to more crappy music or whatever. Yeah, they think if you're not delivering joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, people are not going to tune in. They want to give you a real quick five-minute interview,

and then you're on your way, and you're like, I've got to be at five in the morning for this? Right. Let me stay on for half an hour, and I'll light it up. Yeah, let's have some fun. And it used to be that you could go on and be, you could do a lot of local radio. We'd do two, three hours and sit with them and just have fun.

And you would be in with them for the morning. They'd be like, can you stick around? You'd be like, yeah. And you're there until 10 o'clock and everybody's laughing. You'd shake hands. This is a lot of fun. Y'all had a good time together. But those places are few and far between these days.

They're really thin on the ground now. Yeah, it's probably they've lost half their ranks. That's my guess. Yeah. They lost half. And they had to consolidate and they're owned by smaller and smaller owner base. And when we were starting and we were talking a while ago, there was hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of radio stations owned by different people.

And now, how many corporations own most of them? Four? Three? Well, when we were talking about audible.com earlier and the portable personal MP3 player, once that sort of integrated and it started becoming an option that you could play whatever you wanted to on your phone and then you could just listen to it in your car,

God damn, everything changed. The whole thing just dropped off. People started burning CDs that they got online of all the music they wanted to listen to. And then they're like, well, how do we replace this fucking talking thing? And then, boom, podcasts show up. Yeah. We live in very transcendental, transcendental, transcendental? Transitionary?

Transgender. Transgender times. Very transgender times. I want to thank my friends on both sides. On both sides of the fence. Pro. All sides. Yeah.

I think we live in the weirdest time ever as far as things changing. I love it. Thank God. I think it changed. It made me love everything again. We were talking about Google Glass earlier, and it's got me to thinking. There was a video online of a guy who was attacked by a shark, and he lost his arm

and his leg and they made him these wicked carbon fiber uh bionic parts really walking around yeah pull that guy up australian man bitten by shark uh he has a cyborg arm and a leg i mean i think i've met this guy he was a policeman really and he was on the bomb squad, was it? No, I mean, I'm sure if one guy has these things. I swear to God, I met a guy in Australia four years ago, three years ago. And he had a prosthetic hand that it, and it, you know, like it was a black, a big black thingy. I met a guy who has a prosthetic hand as well, the same kind of hand, at the Global Future 2045 Initiative in New York. Wow. It was this future trends, you know.

It was all this Transcendental Man movie stuff. Right. You know, all the Kurzweil stuff, all the stuff about extending life. And this guy had lost his hand, and they had given him this bionic recreation of a hand. And it was carbon fiber, and he would shake your hand with it. And it was pliable, and he could, you know, apply varying levels of resistance. And it was really interesting to see but what i thought about i was like well it'd absolutely be better to have that than to have you know no hand right here's a guy right here this is the guy would be the best way to defend ourselves against it he lost his one arm and one leg to a shark

see if he could pull ahead and he shows it he shows his arm and his leg to a shark. See if he can pull ahead and he shows it. He shows his arm and his leg and you get a chance to see. I mean, the guy's walking around and standing there like, you know, he's part robot, man. And what I was thinking is it's absolutely better to have that than not have your hand. We all agree, right? We would definitely want that. Oh, yeah. But.

A prosthesis that sophisticated. Look at his leg. See his leg? that's his leg see his leg it's so cool look he's got balance he can walk it's awesome oh yeah it's totally awesome now here's the question what if they could do that to your whole body well they will be one day exactly they're going to start doing parts though i think they're going to start with like eyes like you're going to have night vision zoom lens in your eye yeah you're gonna have an artificial all right now here's something to consider for you ira 11 type fans of sci-fi uh what about when the rich get onto the poor and start farming them for parts and then basically have your head put on a poor person's body because you can afford

to man yeah because you pay that family this much money and they give up one of their one of their uncles uh-huh if you don't think they're already don't do that with organs and every other goddamn thing in the world well sure i mean, wasn't that movie hostile about that? Or was it about torture? Were they just torturing people, I think? But I think there's been a million of those urban legends of someone hanging out with a Russian chick and waking up in a bathtub filled with ice with stitches and a note on you that says, Go to the doctor immediately.

Yeah. You kept on telling me that in Japan. You're like, Stay away from those Russians, Brian. They'll harvest your organs, man. You don't want to get involved with a mercenary Russian hooker who also has a scalpel in her purse. No, you don't. That's really good advice. And a wet rag she's trying to shove in your mouth.

If there's one thing I've learned from Joe today. Smell my perfume. It is intoxicating, no? The room, it seems to be getting smaller, does it not? Why do you look so dizzy, Brian? I thought you wanted this sweet pussy. You don't want my pussy anymore. You're getting sleepy.

Before you like me. You don't like me once you smell my perfume. Oh, too bad. Too bad I take your liver. I take your kidney. It's for a good cause. Yeah, she pricks you on the finger earlier in the day to get your blood type. Then they set up the coolers.

Oh, yeah, buddy. Coolers full of ice and fucking put a wet rag over your face and open you up like a dolphin on a deck in Japan. Slice. And then they take out your liver or whatnot, and a rich guy lives forever. Yeah, people will kill people for money. We all know that, right? Well, people will definitely steal people's organs for money. Oh, yeah, they will.

You've got to be careful at my shows. There's a lot of people looking for kidneys and whatnot. A lot of pancreas thieves. A lot of pancreas thieves. I got a guy tried to steal my Isle of Langerhans. Thank God I wasn't sitting. What is that? I don't know. It's just some organ that's up in your thingy. That's an actual

organ? Yeah, I just love the name of it. Prostate thieves. The Isle. You have a Google there. Try selling a used prostate. Isle of Langerhans. I think it's a little gland up in your urethra area, your reader area. If they could give you cadaver dicks, if dudes could get cadaver dicks, like if you were born with a weak dick and you always wanted a big dick, but the only way you could get

one is cadaver dicks. And it turns out they don't use cadaver's dicks. They use ligaments for knee replacements, like I had one of those done with the cadaver part. They use organs. You can be an organ donor, but you can't be a dick donor. How come you can't be a dick donor? If they could do that shit with hands,

what if a dude has a really tiny dick and he's willing to take a chance? They really get it down, Pat. Do you think that one day motorcycle victims will donate their dicks? If you're a motorcycle rider, you're a crazy dude, but you've got a giant dick

and you know it's valuable. So you get a break on your taxes. I donated mine. I have a donor card for Costa Rica. The whole country gets to share mine because it's valuable. So you get a break on your taxes. I donated mine. I have a donor card for Costa Rica. The whole country gets to share mine because it's pretty big. Oh, the whole country. Not a lot of people in Costa Rica, bro.

Stop bragging. It's a small country. I'm known as El Guapo there. It's not like you said China. Yeah. All the Chinese could share my dick. Did we define what the Isle of Langer Hand did? I don't know if it has a specific purpose, but...

I have to pee. Thank you for not sharing that. I just wanted to let you know. I do too, but I'll go after you. It's in the regions of the pancreas that contain whatever... Wow, that's pretty vague. Well, it doesn't really say what it does. It just says it's in there.

Yeah, I don't know that it has a specific function, but I love the name. Why is it an aisle, and who's Mr. Langerhan? Yeah, it's weird. Oh, look at this picture. Oh, no, that's... All right. Look at that.

There it is. Where is it? I don't know. It looks like a dick. I don't know why that has anything to do with it. It doesn't say anything on there. Whatever.

Diabetes. Great. Do you have any tour dates you want to plug? I guess at this point in the show. I should, really. I have a video coming out

on March 26th. You can go to my website, gregproops.com, and you can pre-order it now. It's live at Muso & Frank. I came on to plug it last year, you may recall, Brian, but that company folded the week that we were supposed to drop the video. That's right. What company was that?

Well, that was Chill, never mind them. And it was through no fault of theirs, in a way. But in any case, now it's going to come out again. Yeah, there you are. There's my website. See that thing, that banner there? You can click on that and you can order it. Remember the video I made last year?

Yeah. Well, Chill went out of business the week it was supposed to drop. And so now it's coming out again on March 26th. But you can preorder it now. So what happened? They went out of business. Chill went out of business. They Bitcoined it. Yeah. So $4. They went out of business. They bitcoined it.

So $4.99. If you use the code PROOPS, you get it for, I think, $4. So it's really $4. It's an hour-long video. I made it. It's coming out March 26th. It's live at Moose and Frank's. Thank goodness it wasn't topical material.

It was evergreen material that I think both boys and girls and men and women alike can relate to. I'm joking, of course. Men and women and boys and girls together? And boys and girls. No one's going to be uncomfortable? No, I think everyone will be uncomfortable, and that's my goal.

That's good. As Tom Lehrer once said, if I can make a loved one slap another loved one, then it's all been worthwhile for me as a comedian. Dom Irere and I talked about you putting your show on at Musso and Frank's. We both agreed it's such a brilliant idea. It's like the perfect place because it's got this beautiful old Hollywood feeling to it. Like it's a great place to eat.

It's like sort of like the one place on Santa Monica Boulevard, the Steakhouse. Palms. No, the other one. Dantana. Dantana. I love Dantana. That place has got that same sort of old school Hollywood and great food. Both Musso and Frank's and Dantana's.

So when I heard that you were doing it there, I was like, God, it's great. Dantana would be a great place to put on a show. It would be. Musso's is really fun. But anyway, we're finally coming out with, it's just taken. So, you know, it's one of those journeys. Is it available now? You can pre-order it now if you click that thing

on my site, gregproops.com. I have ADD. And then it'll come out on the 26th and then you'll be able to watch it immediately. And yes, people watching in Australia and England and Ireland and all of the Joe Rogan-ears of those bold Rogan-ears all over the world, you may

watch it as well. It is simply downloadable to whatever device you've got. And like I say, if you write Proops in the little code there, I love it's 20% off of $5. Well, 20% off of $5 is a dollar. I'll make it real bloody simple for everybody. It doesn't sound as good. 20% sounds juicier. 20% is a lot.

It is a lot. But with $5, it's really $4. It's very reasonable, and we both have to thank Louis C.K. for coming up with this idea. I totally thank Louis C.K. Yeah, I know you do. Everybody does. It's a beautiful idea that he came up with. I'm hoping it works, and you know,

we put out our podcasts for free, and you don't have to pay for them, and so people sometimes email me and go like, how can I help you or whatever? And it's like, well, spend the $4 on this and that would be a nice way to. Yeah, that's a nice thing to do.

I support, like if I found out about good music, I find a song that I really enjoy, I buy it out of principle. Yeah, me too. I always go and if I enjoy it, especially if I,

you know, someone sends me a YouTube clip or something like that. Yeah. If you get good feelings from someone's art, if you can support it, you should support it. And I totally understand that people are broke.

Oh, me too. That's why everything's free. Don't spend money on me, man. I should be at the end of your list. But, you know, if you want to go buy a Ting phone, go get a Ting phone, man. I got a little Ting. If you want to join... If you want to help people out, help out some of the sponsors. They're cool.

Oh, you said tour dates. I'm playing tonight at the Bar Lubitsch, and that's free. Where's that at? Bar Lubitsch is on Santa Monica Boulevard, right near, like, the Formosa. Where would you say it's close? It's across the street from the Pleasure Chest. You crafty bastard. Battle Orient people. You're a crafty bastard.

And it's free to come to that. That's my podcast, 7 o'clock tonight. You're crafty in how you move, man. I like how you're doing shows in these unorthodox locations. Oh, everybody plays at Bar Lubitsch. Josh and Josh has a show there. Not everybody, man. Well, some people.

It's unorthodox. It's fairly unorthodox. Thank you. It's not the laugh factory. It's not the improv. Oh, no, I can't. You know, it's got a little back room, and there's a vodka bar out front. And there's a little patio out front, so you can get your can get your sort of... I mean, it's full service.

How big is the room? Oh, dinky. What would you say? 50? 50, 60. Yeah, dinky. I want to do shows there. That sounds awesome.

It's fun. It's nice. You sit on little red cushions and there's always lots of women. It's a very women-friendly atmosphere. It's not that duty. You know, it's pretty chill. I want to go there, dude. How do you...

Who books that shit? I'll get you on it. I'll give you the right person. That sounds awesome. I love that little room at the Ice House. That's my current favorite room, that little 80-seat room. Yes. Over off the side.

I usually do the big room, which is still awesome. It's only 150. But that little room, god damn, that little room is magical. Coming up with new material, it like the crowd like totally lets you know what's funny about it and what's not. There's not a lot there's a weird fluff

that you get like you get extra laughs when you get like 300 people. Like they get people that like get into a rhythm and they start laughing at anything. And you see

you get confused as to whether or not a bit is good or not. Yeah. But 80 people will give you the fucking real deal. I agree.

They'll kick you the real deal. You ever play at Marshall Charles Room in Atlanta called The Laughing Skull? Yes. Love that place. And that's 80 seats. Yeah, nice place. When it's not working there, it's not working.

But when it's working, it's working. Well, you know, even that is fat compared to what we used to do at the store. The beautiful thing about the store is that if there was two fucking people in that place, you did a show for two people. I did that at Dangerfields too. Dangerfields in Manhattan used to be like that. They would have, two people would walk in and the emcee would start the show. It'd be like 9.30, there was

no show going on, the comics are waiting by the bar. And at the store, as long as there's people still sitting down, it's 2 o'clock in the morning, you might have to go up and perform for two fucking people and it's 2 o'clock in the morning, you might have to go up and perform for two fucking people. And it's super common. Like, you know, like once a week there'll be a show like that. Where you could possibly have a late spot and there's no one in the audience.

Right, no one. Don Barris does that almost every night. Almost every night. He had one person the other day and he spent like 20 minutes on that person. That made that person's night, you know, the back row is all comics, you know. That's beautiful. Don Barris is awesome. Well, that person's night, you know, the back roads, all comics, you know. That's beautiful. Don Barris is awesome. Well,

that's comedy though. Yes, it is comedy and it's also, again, you cut all the fat out when it's a tiny ass crowd. I agree,

but that's all I, other than immortality, as Shakespeare said, is all I seek. All I seek is, you want that connection and so I like a little room and I like alcohol,

a small room, real close up. I don't, I don't, I love big room, and you know, you throw javelins and, you know. But you gotta make big faces, and you gotta do big gestures, and you're doing a different show. It's a different show. With a smaller room, you can incubate, you can raise your eyebrow, you can, you can, you can animate. You don't have to fucking lay down a suppressing fire to keep the aliens from killing you I like both this is what I like I like for developing material. I like a little tiny show

I look a little tiny room for fucking around like a little tiny room But I still like doing places like the Chicago Theatre or like Massey Hall like those really big places. There's something electrical about Hall like those really big places there's something a little about 3,000 plus people there's laughing their asses off and having a great time it's like you're so on point you're so like tuned into them because there's so much intensity in the air but I think that is a different show it's a different show than you would do in a club it's a big louder show yeah it's much louder and you can't just leave dead air out there the same way

because people just start yelling shit out. There's just too many people that are drinking and having fun, and there's that diffusion of responsibility that takes place when you've got massive groups like that. People feel less responsible for the fun. If there's two people in the crowd, no one's going to stand up and go, Fucking whose line is it anyway, bro? Whose line is it anyway?

No. But if you're in the middle of some 3,000 seat place, some asshole might do that. Yeah. He might get lit up and want to be the center of attention. That's true. No, when there's two people, there's a lot more assumption of responsibility. Yeah, they can't look at your phone. Oh, it's a different energy for both. But I think for the podcast, for me,

I like the Bar Lubitsch energy because it is so small. And last time we did it, there wasn't very many people. There was maybe 20. And I had a great time. You know what I mean? Yeah. You don't need a giant crowd. It's fun.

Also, when you're doing a podcast, you're always thinking about people are listening individually. People aren't sitting like in a sci-fi movie from the 70s all in a giant room listening to a speaker. Right. Although it would be great if people had to listen that way, like in the movie Colossus, the Forbin Project, where when the computer took over the world, finally it addressed the world and it's like, I am Colossus. The computer took over the world. Finally, it addressed the world. And it's like, I am Colossus.

And then there was a montage of like in China, a bunch of people standing all in a huge group listening to a speaker, you know, in England and whatnot. I used to love in the sci-fi movies when they would do that and they divide the world up for that big world domination message. I was going to say when we were talking about lightning earlier that the other thing that i would love to have no knowledge of and experience it was the war of the worlds broadcast oh right orson wells did yeah yeah to be in that time this fearful strange time where you really did think that this person on the radio must be telling the truth because that's how they got on the radio yeah i mean they were so fucking childlike and this idea that this hg wells book a famous book, being read by a pretty famous guy, Orson Welles, that somehow or another this was real. Well, they did at the beginning, of course. It came on like it was a regular Mercury Theater.

But then the style that they did the show in was documentary style. So they took the premise. So it would be like, now we're going to our reporter in Grover's Mills, New Jersey. I'm out here in the field in Grover's Mills, New Jersey. What you hear behind me is me. So there's no video. You just hear people doing that. And...

And shit like that. And then people being interviewed, I'm like, yeah, they were coming down the road. That's how they did the radio show. So it totally worked as theater. And the point was, everybody tuned in late. I remember I said to my dad, who was old enough to remember that show, what about the people who lived in New Jersey?

I said, because he was in Brooklyn. I said, but the people who lived in New Jersey, surely they knew that it wasn't happening around him. He went, they were the most scared of all because they could hear it on the radio happening down the street. People were literally, that's where all the calls came from was that part of the East Coast.

And then people started to think they saw things, you know. Well, that's a huge issue. Such a brilliant way to do the show, though, to pitch it over to news style in 1938. To have the wherewithal to not, like you say, they didn't go like, the Martians were coming, they made it immediate. Yeah. You know, we're under attack. Orson Welles was a brilliant motherfucker. He was so ahead of his time as well.

Yeah. You know, his, first of all, I mean, his delivery, the way he did that was brilliant. The way he set that up was brilliant. The impact that it had. But then when he did Citizen Kane. Which didn't win Best Picture. Knocked it out of the park with this fucking movie. And then started doing wine commercials. Dropped off and got

fat. Well, his career is all over the yard. He's kind of crazy, right? He was. They gave him a lot of money and he tried to do Heart of Darkness by Conrad and he went to South America and shot all this weird footage. And he never really pulled it together on that project. And I think at that point, that's when the funding sort of dried up halfway through. Yeah, you can't Apocalypse Now at some time.

Well, he did. He's the original Apocalypse Now. I mean, he really did go to South America and try to shoot this thing. And like they were going to do, you know, the definitive version that was really subversive and really subliminal. And, you know, make it this scary ass. Because, you know, Apocalypse is a version of Heart of Darkness. But if you've ever read Heart of Darkness, it speaks to something that's immediate to this world, which is how we as colonials go in and take over other little nations and turn them into the horror and all that. Yeah, you can forget how good that movie is. You go back and watch Apocalypse Now and you're like,

oh my God. I like Apocalypse Now. Oh, it's fucking brilliant. It's pretentious, but it is really brilliant. Well, for the time, I don't think it was pretentious. I think it was bold for the time. I think it was too. He spent a four, you know what it was?

I think it cost about 35 million then. And those days that was considered an obscene amount of money. And didn't that take like seven years to make or something? Oh God, it took a couple years to make easily. Yeah, and there was a huge delay and Marlon Brando went fucking crazy. And he got so fat, they had to film him in black from the neck up. I mean, what other big name actor like Marlon Brando has ever in a movie that's that gigantic

and all you see is his neck up. They really don't focus on his body much in it. And he still murders it. Yeah, he does. Did you ever see the redux? There's a couple good scenes. I didn't think they needed to add everything back. I thought it was better the way it was edited.

But there's a scene with Brando in it where sort of while they're torturing Martin Sheen and they've got him in the hot box, you know, the ever popular bridge on the river Kwai, you know. So he's in a room and they pull the thing up and now the air comes in and

Brando's surrounded by children. And that's the scene, like, you see it from Martin Sheen's point of view, the little white square of freedom. And Brando's sitting there and he takes a Time magazine and he goes, I want you to look at this. And he has a Time magazine! It's the most off-putting. And the little

Cambodian children are playing and jumping and fucking with Martin Sheen and he's having to deal with that. And then Brando's like reading from it. Says here in Time magazine that there's a... Well, maybe you should have a look at this. And so Martin Sheen has to read it.

It's a very strange scene, but it's one of the extra scenes in the extra version that I thought was good because you got to see Brando do something different. He's in the sunlight, for one thing, and he's surrounded by kids to make it even weirder. He's not surrounded by warriors. Is it a good scene?

Yeah, it's strange because he's talking about the American propaganda about the war and how he's being portrayed. But that he's a mad person. And his point is that the government's mad. The war's mad. He's being a sane person in the middle of a mad war by being mad. It's his, you know, right? Right. Like he cuts people's heads off and, you know, all the things he does in the movie

that you see of the... Well, that movie was the first movie that had like the significant impact portraying the psychotic nature of war. Yeah. He's an American officer and he's being blamed for being too crazy in the middle of a war

where they're just shooting everyone they meet. And who's going to go get him? Martin Sheen who's doing kung fu in his underwear and punching mirrors in his fucking hotel room. That's the guy they sent. The damaged guy. The damaged guy. He's nuts.

Well, because all he does is kill people for a living, and now this is the fifth one or whatever in a row. Yeah. Because he says, I've killed four guys. Yeah. God damn, that's a good movie. Yeah. And then he says, what are you, an assassin?

He goes, I'm a soldier. He says, you're an errand boy. Sent to, what are you, an assassin? He goes, I'm a soldier. He says, you're an errand boy. What is it? Sent to collect at Groceryville for clerks or something like that. You're an errand boy. Yeah. Because they're all so crazy.

The last time I saw that movie was, I remember it very clearly. Because I just got one of those projector things in my house. Where you could see a big ass screen. It was like 80 inches or something. Oh, and the sound is fantastic. Oh, it was awesome. Helicopters go flying over your head. And that was like the first thing that I watched was Apocalypse Now, the redo.

And I was like this. Did you ever see the movie Jarhead, is it? The one with Jake Gyllenhaal? I didn't see that one. Well, that's the Iraq movie, right? And they go to Iraq. Good? Yeah. And Jamie Foxx is the tough sergeant.

And what's his name peter sarsgaard and uh jake gillenthaler the sharpshooters you know they get any unit and they see some action in this and that but they play apocalypse now for the soldiers in that movie because they're all young this is 1991 it's the first gulf war right and they're imitating the movie they're tapping the raisinets on their head like it's the clips that go in during the Valkyrie scene. Wow. Yet I thought, well, right, that's their World War II. That's funny, yeah.

That scene where they go in and wipe out the village. That's their Bridge on the River Kwai. Yeah, yeah, right. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that amazing? Soldiers seeking inspiration from movies about war. Which seems so counterintuitive to the reality of,

well, I was watching, what did you call it the other day, Full Metal Jacket, and that's a real novel called The Short Timers. And it's almost literally adapted to that movie. It seems like the movie's hyperbole, but the guy wrote the, I've read the book, it's about 100 pages long. Isn't that just the, I mean, that's like a cliche. Will you look up The Short Timers to see who wrote that? I can never remember the guy's name and Full Metal Jackets, I don't know if you liked Full Metal Jacket, it's two movies right? It's

the Drill Sergeant movie. No I liked Full Metal Jacket. What I was gonna say is it's cliche, life imitating art is like the old cliche and this is soldiers imitating soldiers. Right. I mean, they're learning how to do this war thing based on a movie that they enjoyed about war. Right. It's weird. You know, obviously they're going through training, and obviously they're really going through war.

But there it is. But they're also getting some inspiration from these films about war, which is freaking strange. And then that movie, The Full Metal Jacket, it's not exactly successful in every way. Kubrick's really detached filmmaker, but there was one point I thought was good,

and it was the biggest, baddest guy in the unit who's named Animal Mother, and he's obviously crazy, and he's mean and all that. One of the other guys, one of the other soldiers says about, or Marines, rather, they're Marines. He says, one of the other soldiers says about, or Marines rather, they're Marines. He says, one of the other Marines says about him, you may not believe it, but when we get into battle, he's one of the most warmest, wonderful individuals you'll ever meet. Meaning, he kills more guys than any other guy in this unit.

And you want him alive and you want him next to you at all times if we have to fight. Because he's good at killing folks. Yeah, and then they keep saying, all the Marines in the movie keep saying, when we go back home, it's not going to be like this. They're having, like, one of the guys says, these people that we've killed today

are some of the finest individuals we'll ever meet. Now we're going to go back to the world and there won't be anybody worth killing. Right? Because their world's upside down now. They live in the war world. So everyone that they meet, they... The finest individual.

They say the finest individuals. Yeah, yeah. The people they kill. Yeah. Because the meaning of their lives is different in the battle right there. They've been trained to kill. They keep saying in the Marine camp, are you a killer over and over and all that. God.

So, I don't know. It's just that you can use war movies to be moralistic about war, but at the same time, there's always this seductiveness of how strange. When you put people in a world of war, they act like it's a war. Yeah. And then that's against the rules of society that we pretend we have. Like you said, that we're not just all fucking orcas running around. Well, it's very dangerous when you allow people

to not conform to those rules, too. You've got thousands of people that you've trained that it's okay to kill folks. Yeah. And that's, by the way, that's a trait that they're going to keep. A lot of them are going to have a really hard time adjusting. Yeah. It's hard.

You've killed a bunch of people and now... What if when they see their friends get killed for no reason? Sure. Then the... Yeah. It's hard. You've killed a bunch of people and now... What if when they see their friends get killed for no reason? Sure. Then the... Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah. We live in a really unusual time because of that, because we've never had more information as far as how damaging wars are psychologically, how unnecessary they are for the most part,

psychologically, how unnecessary they are for the most part, the true financial influence behind the decisions that get made. And all that stuff is so dark and bizarre that when people have to go over there and fight it and then come back over here, it's like, man, the world is upside down for them. You know, left is right and right is left and nothing fucking makes sense at all. I had Louis Theroux on the podcast this week, the documentary guy. He was talking about hanging out with that Westboro Baptist Church guy. And one of the things that he said that I found fascinating was he went and visited with these people for three weeks.

And he said that after a while, all their hateful bile stopped being so shocking. And it became almost normal because he was around it so often that he got like a little Stockholm syndrome a little bit not really like he kept his objectivity but he was talking about how the feeling of being around these people it had changed what's normal and which is what happens in a war but in a much greater sense you know you're changing like not just hurtful thoughts but actions that involve killing people and it becomes normal oh yes it does and then we blame people and then we arrest people in the middle of wars for

committing atrocities which are certainly atrocities but are as much a part of war as anything else that's a part of war well Duncan was telling me that someone committed some atrocities while they're on this mosquito thing for a malaria drug. There's a malaria drug apparently that caused it as a certain percentage of people to just fucking completely flip out and some of them get amnesia and his buddy, I'm going to get him on my podcast. I don't know his name, but Duncan's buddy lost all of his memory for a good deal of time. And he was in India and people were talking to him and he had no idea who they were. And they arrested him because they thought he was a junkie.

But he was really on a malaria medication. Did he get his memory back? He did, but not all of it. I think this stuff's called larium. And this is some stuff that, you know, it's just one of those things. It's how people just have an adverse reaction. I personally have seen people have an adverse reaction to malaria medicine. And it's fucking weird, man. Yeah. Because it was Dave Foley, who's the sweetest, nicest, kindest, friendliest guy you could ever meet.

He's always nice. And he was on malaria medication. And he had a couple of drinks. And I don't know if it's the mixture of the two or whatever. But he's like yelling at reporters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He took a reporter's tape recorder out and put it in his drink. The guy asked him a question.

He goes, here's your answer. Blink. And he put it in his drink. He was yelling at a guy that was one of the producers. Right. And I had to physically stand in front of him because I was worried that he was going to go attack someone. Yeah, yeah. Then the next day, he was so apologetic.

He was like, I'm so sorry. He remembered? He absolutely remembered. Yeah. How did he be a mixture of that medication? Everyone apologetic. He was like, I'm so sorry. He remembered? He absolutely remembered. How did he be a mixture of that medication? Everyone told him. It's absolutely that. It literally makes you cuckoo. Was he exposed to malaria in the Caribbean?

No, no, no, no. But he was going to Africa. Oh, he was taking the pre-malaria. That's terrible. And this is, by the way, this is 1994 or 5 or something like that. So I don't know what the medication was that he was on. But whatever this malaria medication was, it turned him completely wacky. I saw it in his eyes.

Yeah. And he was so apologetic. I mean, so out of character for him. He's not a violent guy. No, no, he's lovely. Any stretch of the imagination. So it was just so, to me, like proof of concept. Like, oh, look, you can get a normal, nice guy and he becomes this really angry, almost prone to violence.

Like if things went totally wrong, I could have seen him hitting someone with a glass or something. Right, right. And then the shit hits the fan. He didn't even know what he was doing. He had no idea what he was doing. Right. All because he was on some crazy mind bending medication. So for me to see a real Jekyll and Hyde on a guy that I knew fairly well, I'd worked with for a long time, and I'd seen him under stress.

He was always able to handle things. He would never be doing that. No, no. He'd never snap and throw someone's tape recorder in a drink. It's crazy. They just come up with these drugs, and they fucking give them to people. Yeah, they do. I'm pretty sure this is going to work.

It might have some side effects. If they do, let us know. We'll be over here. Yeah, I was going to say, a real small percentage, though. Less than a couple percent. We're willing to take that. We're willing to take that hit. Well, it's great if you're not one of those people.

If you're not one of the people that goes crazy, or if you're one of those people that takes the medication and doesn't drink, it might be a drinking thing. I know Zoloft, apparently, when mixed with alcohol became a real issue for folks. And cocaine. Zoloft, if you mix it with cocaine, apparently it's just cocaine. Really? Mixing?

But who would take Zoloft and cocaine on the same night? Apparently it's pretty common. Wow. People who are, you know, a lot of times people that have drug issues become depressed and in trying to get off those drugs and not sticking with their plan to get off those drugs. That's right. So you take the Zoloft and then you do a real anyway. And then it creates a psychotic episode. Yeah. You go, fuck it. I just want some coke. Right, so you take the Zoloft and then you do a rail anyway. And then it creates a psychotic episode.

Yeah, you go, fuck it, I just want some coke. And you just do it. I dated a girl once who had a coke problem. It was fascinating. It was a very strange thing to be around because she was very smart. But she couldn't help it. Right, and she just had to help.

Yeah, she was working in studios and she was always around executives and agents and things like that. was working in you know like studios and she was always around like uh she was always around like executives and like uh agents and things like like she worked for agencies and stuff and she just saw all these people these parties doing coke because this is like in the 90s yeah everyone was doing coke and she started doing coke too and she started liking coke you know it's like this real weird issue you know like yeah it's always in the back of your head you want to get some coke always because if that's what you're doing that's that's pretty much preoccupation so if you get real weird issue. It's always in the back of your head you want to get some coke.

If that's what you're doing, that's pretty much your preoccupation. So if you get off of that stuff and you have a crash, which some folks can have, some people, when they're trying to cure themselves of disease, especially disease of alcoholism or disease of a drug addiction, they'll often seek help with antidepressants because they

feel terrible. And then they don't adhere to the rules right they go a little wacky one night have a couple of jack daniels and then go buy a ball and get crazy and do a rail and then fucking drive full-on you know 90 miles an hour on a fucking residential street and try to hit people you're crazy crazy, you know? Yeah, mixing it's really difficult, isn't it? Fuck yeah, it is. Mixing anything that twists your mind. Look, Red Bull and vodkas is a terrible thing to drink. Yeah, why do people always do that?

Because we're retarded. It's a retarded move. You're confusing the shit out of your body. Your body doesn't know if it's on crank or if it's on a downer. I never understand the Red Bull and vodka thing. I always feel like just do a rail

if you're gonna... That's what Joey Diaz said. Isn't that why we did rails? So you could drink more, basically? Joey Diaz always said that. Get the fuck out of here

with this Red Bull. He goes, I do a rail at 9 o'clock in the morning like a fucking doctor. Get up in the morning. If you're gonna do coke, do coke,

you fucking pussy. I agree. Oh, I needed an energy drink. Do some fucking doctor. Get up in the morning. If you're gonna do coke, do coke you fucking pussy. I agree. I needed an energy drink. Do some fucking coke. Have some dignity. Have some dignity. It's true though. Drinking a fake soda pop coke drink is to me at night when you're drinking is like... I know a dude who couldn't

get off those monster energy drinks. Homeboy used to have a giant can with him everywhere he went. It was like his gawky, you know, like a gawky, like a little blankie that he'd carry around with you. Was he an AA guy? I noticed a lot of people quit drinking.

They go crazy on caffeine. Right, because then the caffeine, right, caffeine becomes the substitute for the drink because at least you're janky. You get a feeling off caffeine and that substitutes, it helps a little bit with the drug wanting. And cigarettes as well.

They'll give in to the cigarettes. Oh, no, but, right, because you have to have a crutch, some kind of crutch. You can't just, you know. Did you hear they're going to ban electronic cigarettes? Oh, yeah, it got approved already. LA. What? I thought everybody liked that.

No, you can't do electronic cigarettes in bars. Why not? You can't do them, like, in public places, pretty much. Why? Why not? Because people are idiots, and they think that this is... They don't know what this secondhand smoke... I didn't think there was any secondhand smoke. It's not smoke. It's just paper.

Yeah, it's just idiots. New York did it, and now L.A. just followed suit. I thought everybody liked these cigarettes, because you could smoke them inside. They should, man. They should. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't hurt anybody. You know, it doesn't do anything. It's a miscomptown. Everybody's worried about something that's going to hurt somebody. People are so goddamn crazy.

You should be worried about people's farts before you're worried about these goddamn How about letting me go into the right lane without speeding up to try to kill me? Maybe you should do that for me. That's just where you live, man. I'll tell you, when I lived in Boulder, Colorado, I saw more merging than I ever saw in my life. People were so kind about it because it's only 100,000 people. People are like, hey, go ahead, get ahead. Even in places like Seattle, I find much more likely to let you into roads.

Even San Francisco. San Francisco people, they're driving in slow motion when they get up there. More polite. This is a crazy town of everybody trying to get theirs. It's so gross, though. It's the one thing that really- Let's move, Greg Proops! Why are we talking shit? Let's get out of here, man. Let's move, Joe Rogan. I'm talking about forming a colony. I'll move. You said move to San Francisco, and I thought- We can get a bunch of our friends together. Let's fucking go somewhere. I don't- I really-

Do I need to be here? I love the weather, but I mean, like, other than that, I- If we got a bunch of comics to move to a city, if we picked a city like Seattle, and a bunch of comics to move to a city, if we picked a city like Seattle, and a bunch of comics moved there, do you know what an epic move that would be for comedy? If we just decided we're all going to get together

and we'll open up a comedy club collective. I couldn't do Seattle. Fuck that. Why not? Seattle's fucking great. Too rainy. Do you know Columbus is one day less rain? But you know what, dude?

You good on the road, man. You do comedy on the road. You just book shit during the winter in like Phoenix, and you'll be fine. Just do a gig every now and then on the road. You know what you're going to appreciate? You're going to appreciate cooler, relaxed people that are under less pressure, a lot of intelligent people, beautiful scenery. I mean, gorgeous trees and lush green forests because they get so much moisture.

The number one problem we have in California is that we don't get enough. No. I'd rather do Denver. Portland's a good move, too. Denver's all right. Portland's all right, too. Denver's better. They are both really well.

Denver's the best. They have great food and good wine and good weed. They have all the civilized things that I think make places nice. And like you say, it's the show business here. Because I was noticing like, you know, Harold Ramis who passed, he moved back to Chicago to his parents' old neighborhood. And I remember reading a quote from him

when he passed and one of the articles about him said, he goes, I'm number one here, man. He goes, other than the Cusacks, I'm the biggest thing in this neighborhood. And that made me laugh my ass off. And I thought, but you're right. He didn't do it for that reason. But when you go back to the

hood, he's still Harold Ramis, the director and writer. He just didn't want to be here. You don't have to be. It's not necessary when you get to a certain level. But is it necessary at any level anymore? Not

as much. How much on the road are you? How much on the road am I? We're on the road. I am, but I really do love that my friends are here. That's the big one. The big one is all the comics that we know that are here. Well, obviously. We have this giant community. Yeah. It's amazing. We do these Ice House shows

on Wednesday nights, like 10 p.m. shows, and then we're probably going to do next Tuesday if we can. And they're fucking the most fun you could ever have.

We're hanging out with Brian Callen is doing them, Bill Burr's done them, Joey Diaz, and all these different people are doing them, and everyone's having a great time.

Brian's done them a bunch of times, and Duncan's done them a bunch of times, and when we, you know, it's not just a hangout. Everybody's done them a bunch of times, and Duncan's done them a bunch of times. It's not just a hangout. Everybody's in town. We're all hanging out together. We'll get like five, six friends together,

and we're just laughing and having fun and going up in front of great crowds. That's hard to move away from. That's hard. All the comics are hard. Everything else can go fuck itself. We can get all the comics. Just everybody get out of your mortgage and figure out a way to get to Denver this is all of us I

do love some of the venues and I do love the crowds and I like you said I you know you're able to eke out a little existence for yourself here and an identity and have a thing go on and in a big shark pool like this that's really important to have that. But say if you did a weekly show in a theater. Like you said, the other shit really all up my wiener. Not worth it. Dealing with those people is not worth it.

There's too many in the performance. And what do they want? What does everybody want? What is it you want? Wealth and shit? They want to fill a hole. What hole? They want to get validation.

They want to be an it person. I dated a girl once who was an actress the last one And she actually said to me you know I was talking about the devil's rag Hollywood Reporter I'm like don't read that shit that shit's bad for you. I go you're just gonna be looking at all these people Why didn't I get that how come I didn't move up? So I go they just got tagged you're it like you can't connect yourself to that somebody got tagged They got lucky like I got lucky. I got on TV.

There's no reason for me to be on TV when I was on TV. Anybody else could have done an adequate or better job. I just got lucky. And these people were freaking her out. She goes, when am I going to be it? When am I going to be it? When am I going to get tagged? It what?

Sometimes it doesn't happen. Right. And that's not you. It can't happen. That drives people crazy. That drives people fucking crazy. That can't happen. That fucking, that drives people crazy. That drives people fucking crazy. That's one of the reasons why everyone's so nuts here is because the idea that you have no control over your own destiny and you need a bunch of people to decide whether or not

they're going to cast you and like you. And the only reason you would put yourself in that position in the first place, you have this massive debt that your childhood, something went wrong. I need to be validated. You need extraordinary amounts of attention. So just combine those two things. The need for extraordinary amounts of attention and your life being based on other people's acceptance.

That's why you get a bunch of phony fucks. A bunch of people just parroting the shit that they read on Salon.com or whatever left-wing rhetoric that they've heard dispensed by intelligent people. And they just repeat those things without even thinking about it. There's a lot of that here.

There's a lot of nonsense here, a lot of pretend people. They don't even know who they are. They don't even have opinions. They've adopted a conglomeration of other people's opinions because they think that'll let them get a fucking sitcom. That'll get them in at the next CSI, you know, interview.

Fuck. But it's also really cool because it's so surreal here. Like, like, you know, I was at Starbucks the other day

and Wil Wheaton was in front of me and I was like, the motherfucking Stand By Me guys right there. I grew up with this kid. And then,

and then the Toronto mayor, crackhead mayor was at the comedy store getting drunk with everyone the other day. Of course he was, Rob Ford. Why didn't you call me? I was in La Jolla. Oh my god I would go to the comic store to hang out with Rob Ford what a maniac he is course

He went to the store the store is a fucking vortex for crazy people It sucks them in like a magnet to little iron sheets. Yeah, it does fuck Yeah, it does when Brian and I were there all the time. We used to film there We met the most bizarre people, people that thought that they were the second coming of Christ. We met prostitutes that told us exactly how they went about their business. Really? Everybody had filmed.

They didn't care. Yeah, they didn't care. Just crazy people in that spot. Yeah. He was partying. Every comic got a photo with him also. Of course. That's so awesome.

Is he gone now? Yeah, he left yesterday after being on Jimmy Kimmel, which I don't know if you heard what happened, but I do know that after the show ended, he was pissed off

at what happened on Jimmy Kimmel. What could he possibly be pissed off about? He smoked crack, he gets drunk all the time, and he talked about that he didn't say

he wanted to eat a girl's pussy during a press conference and he's a fucking mayor. You're not a comedian, dude. You can't say shit like that. Did you see his appearance on there? No, what did he do?

No, no, I didn't see it. Do you want me to show you a little bit? No, no, I don't. Yeah, check it out, though. It's funny. He's just a sad case. The people got screwed, okay? The people of Toronto don't think this is a goddamn joke

because their entire city, one of the great cities in the fucking three worlds. The third largest municipality in North America. He's their mayor. It's a goddamn awesome city. Yeah, it is. Toronto is the shit.

Could you imagine if your city was being represented by some obese crackhead? Yeah, which is what he is. And he's heedless. He's an obese, dense crackhead who sucks at communicating. And the worst one

is there's a video of him coked up talking about how he's going to beat some guy up. Yeah. And he's going to be like Mike Tyson. And they're talking about like, you want to fight him MMA? Like how many minutes you need? Like five minutes. I could do five minutes.

Like he's like, he was so coked up. He's like pacing back and forth talking about, you know, like you don't know me. He doesn't know me. I'm crazy. I'll beat the shit out of him. I'll fucking charge him. But he's all this, He's a fucking mayor. You're a mayor.

Millions of people are your responsibility. Talking like a drunk teamster. Yeah. You know, I mean, he's crazy. Well, they weren't. I mean, I've been up there a bunch this year, and they're not thrilled about it. No, they shouldn't be. I mean, obviously, they find it amusing.

They have to. It's not fair. They have this amazing fucking city. It's amazing. And the amazing city, there's a turd floating around in it. And they can't get him out, man. They tried and tried. They're too nice up there.

They're too nice. Could you imagine if that guy was the mayor of a city in Russia? Oh, yeah. How long do you think he would last? Yeah. Canada is the anti-Russia. Yeah. Oh, no.

They're really nice. But he's kicking ass, though, as a mayor. Is he? Is he doing well? He's doing really well. That's the problem. See, I would like to read that, because the things that I hear from Toronto people online are not positive at all.

I'm hearing that he's a terrible mayor. But I don't know, man. Maybe a guy needs a little break. Needs a little breaky-poo. Do you come to L.A. and do Jimmy Kimmel and then get mad at Jimmy Kimmel? Well, I'm saying maybe smoking a little crack is something that could do all mayors a little bit better. All mayors do do it, I think. Well, there's only been two that have ever been caught.

Mary and Barry and him. So I tend to agree with you because that's enough of a sample group that I'm willing to say, if you're going to use that to represent, if each mayor represents all the mayors. I would say that that's all the mayors. I met Marion Barry and I asked him about the crack. That's right. I was on the Opie and Anthony show and I pulled him in. He was walking down the hallway and I was on the Opie and Anthony show. We were like, holy shit, that's Marion Barry.

So we went out and I go, let's get him. Let's get him. And then the publicist didn't know what to do because we asked him to be on. He wasn't scheduled to be on. And then all of a sudden, boom, he's sitting down. And me and Anthony and Opie were drilling him and asking him questions. And I was like, did you really smoke crack? And the hotel room goes, nobody knows who was cracking that pipe.

He goes, I saw you. Oh, there's a legal fine point. It was hilarious. He goes, nobody knows who was cracking that pipe. I'm like, damn, you got me. But you didn't say you didn't smoke crack, which is a legal fine point. It was hilarious. He goes, nobody knows there was crack in that pipe. I'm like, damn, you got me. But you didn't say you didn't smoke crack, which is what I would say. If you said, hey, Joe Rogan, did you smoke crack in a hotel? I'm like, no, I didn't smoke crack in a fucking hotel.

But he's like, nobody knows there was crack in that pipe. And I was like, whoa, that's some genius double legal talk there. Wow. Rob Ford would have said yes. Oh, yeah. He would have said, well, it's a disgrace. I'm Rob Ford would have said yes. Oh, yeah. He would have said, well, it's a disgrace. I'm very sorry.

I feel embarrassed, but we're going to have to move on. Yeah. I need to run this city. Toronto has brilliant people living in it. Three years ago, I was there, or I was in Montreal, and that was when he flipped off the little girl.

I don't know if you remember that incident. Oh, he flipped off a little girl. Yeah, he's just, you know, he's just that guy. Why did he flip off a girl? He's a bull in a china shop. He pulled up at a live with a lady and, you know, he's trying to get around her. And he went like this. And she happened to have a kid in the car with her.

And then it was her, because it's Canadian TV, you know, they interviewed her on CBC. And she's like, well, I was driving and I got to the stop. And I saw that it was Mayor Ford, and then he made this signal to me and my daughter was there in the front seat, and she saw it as well, and he drove off. And you're like, you know she ain't lying. She's just a little bystander Canadian person.

They are the nicest people in the world. He took a couple of blasts in the bathroom with a slice of pizza. You know he did. He was huffy, and he's like, let's get going. Move it, lady, move it. He had a slice of pepperoni You know he did. He was huffy and he like, that's it going. Move it, lady. Move it. He had a slice of pepperoni.

All right. I got shit to do. I got a hooker. I got to go beat up or whatever. I'm feeling a little sleepy. I'm just going to do a quick line. Right. I got to get back to the office

and make new traffic agendas. Yeah. I got a couple calls I got to take. What a weird time for a guy like that to be a mayor. Look at him. They're having a tickle fight. Red. They're tickling each other. got to take. What a weird time for a guy like that to be a mayor. They're having a tickle fight. That's how they don't tell each other secrets. They tickle each other until they

wind up coming in each other's mouths. That's what starts. It starts with tickling. That's how they do it. That's how they recruit you. That's how they make people talk. They tickle you? They don't give you a pink belly? They just tickle you

They're very painful Yeah And these guys They just It's a diversion of that They tickle each other Until they blow each other He's just probably

Eating a lot of food Oh he's eating a lot of food Yeah Unbelievable amounts of food They tried to put him On a diet too Yeah Well he probably

Can't even think straight He's probably digesting food All the time And that's why he needs To do coke Yeah Just to fucking A little pick me up straight. He's probably digesting food all the time, and that's why he needs to do coke. Yeah. Just a fucking little pick-me-up, you know? He's probably always on the wall. Because if your body's like that, you're not gluten-free.

I'll tell you that, Greg. Ah, gluten-free. He's not gluten-free. He's not barbecue-free. So he's probably just dealing with all this clogged shit in his body. Of course he is. And so he can't think straight, and he really has an obligation to take care of those people in Toronto, and he loves them and cares for them dearly.

So because of that, he does a little bump here and there to give himself a little pick-me-up so he can get the job done better. A lot of people don't understand that, though. They misconstrue, and they think he's a drunken buffoon that is just a big, fat embarrassment. He's not. What he's doing is he's sacrificing his own public image for the job. I see. He's doing what he's got to do for the job. I'd like to believe he was responsible.

If I did coke, you would think I was trying to get a line off him. I was going to say. The way you're talking right now, you could be on his PR staff. I could convince myself in almost anything. I convinced myself into Bigfoot for several years. I could convince myself. Bigfoot might exist. Remember 2012?

Oh, December 21st? Oh, yeah. I was committed. I even had a license plate. It was December 2012. Oh, the end of the Mayan calendar. Oh, yeah. It's the end of the calendar.

It's the end of the long calendar, the Mayan calendar. I always subscribe to the long calendar theory and that the snake god is coming. You know what? I was listening to this McKenna lecture the other day. They never said it. That was my favorite part of that whole theory. No, they never did. No Mayan ever stood up and went,

by the way, it's over. It was just the end of a cycle. Just like January goes into February. I mean, it wasn't... And they built their calendar so perfectly that it was a perpetual cycle.

Yeah. I was re-listening to this McKenna lecture and it was really fascinating because he was talking about the Mayan language being something called the Rebus language,

which means that the symbols in this lost language, they represent sounds. They don't represent things. Or they represent, like, say, like, no, they represent things, not sounds. That's what it is. So, like, there was a symbol for an eye, and there's a symbol for a saw cutting wood, and there's a symbol for a rose, and an ant, like a bug. That would be how you would say, I saw Aunt Rose. Oh, really? So their language is incredibly complicated to try to interpret.

Yeah, of course. Because we don't know what the fuck anything meant. Right, unlike glyphs, which represent sound. Right, like R is R, you is her you know T play these things with my kids in the car T is the sound yeah let her sound hold down cute it's very cute but they didn't have that they didn't didn't represent sounds it represented things so it was really fucking confusing to try to like interpret so a lot of people's versions of what the mind calendar said or man

they're all fucking screwy. They're still working on that stuff. Every now and then they have these big breakthroughs, these Rosetta Stone moments, but it's a very difficult language. Well, and they keep finding more and more Mayan stuff all the time. And there's also zillions of Mayans here in Southern California. Yes, absolutely, yeah.

People go, where'd the Mayans go? They became Mexicans. If you go down... I was going to say, where'd they go? You can see them all over the streets. Well, if you go to the Yucatan, especially, you go near the Mayan temples of Chichen Itza, you see people with a very different look. Very Mayan, Native American look. It's very different and pronouncedly different. And they're fucking tiny, man.

I was going to say, they're four foot nine. They're so small. Yeah. There was a woman that, I mean, I'm short. I'm 5'8". and this woman was literally like breast height to me right she was like one of those little hobbit people almost you know one of those homo florences people it was really like strange and they all sell artifacts to gringos yeah mayan artifacts you know whether by these ancient structures that someone in their ancestry built. No one knows how.

Fascinating fucking shit. Oh, yeah. Representing the cosmos in alignment with different constellations. With exacting his observatories in an astronomically perfect calendar. More perfect than any European calendar. Oh, yeah. And it's also when they look at these structures and they look at the complexity in them

and they try to figure out where the stones all came from and what kind of fucking knowledge these people must have had to be able to. There's no shitty construction. No. Like, you know, you ever have a carpenter come to your house and you do a shit job of making this fucking thing line up with that thing and it's not level and there's a gap over here. You see amazing symmetry in stone. Beautiful geometric patterns. That if you, you know, you made all these stones, if you were off like an inch here,

an inch there, by the time you got to the top, it would be all fucked up and sideways. But no, these things are beautiful. I know, yeah. Yeah, and we don't know how they did it. They're unbelievable engineers. Yeah, incredible engineers. And we're talking about no mortar too.

Yeah, they're just stones. That's the interesting. They fitted everything. That's the interesting facet about them. It's like clearly they were very advanced, but also clearly very primitive. There's things that we have figured out that they hadn't figured out. Well, they didn't have candles, evidently. Well, they weren't a fossil fuel economy. No.

They weren't a fossil fuel economy. No. They weren't a fossil fuel civilization. What they were and what Egypt is, is as far as a civilization gets without combustion, without fossil fuels and engines. They figure out this alternative path. It's like human innovation is not subject to the rules that we've experienced in our life. This is just one way to go. And you look at the way the Mayans went and you look at the way the Egyptians went what they did is like the dolphin Thing like they couldn't change their environment the way

We can you know today. So what they did was they figured out a way to do it with natural items They figured out a way to express themselves in this advanced way without the tools So whereas the dolphins don't have thumbs they didn't have machines or stainless steel Yeah, so they fought somehow or another figured out a way to make Clearly they had mathematics. Yeah, oh without clearly they had astronomy and philosophy and and they had history that we can't write them We can't we even can't even wrap our heads around the idea of a thousand years of history Forget about two thousand three thousand four thousand the Egyptians were in that location for a long fucking time countless And they were writing shit down that we'll never get to read because of the light of the fires of the library of Alexandria

Yeah, so it's we that is such a unbelievably fascinating culture Oh, yeah, leaveably because it's what happens when you don't have the fossil fuels. What would we do without oil? We would maybe have pyramids we figured out have figured out how to make that. We would have gone another way. We would have gone this way. If we couldn't figure out how to make plastic. And his to say they didn't sail all over the world. Well, there's evidence that they did, right? It's disputed apparently.

I talked about it before that someone from Egypt, they found cocaine in Egypt that could have only been grown in South America. It could have only been grown in South America. But then someone set me hip to a link that it might have been a false positive based on a cocaine-like plant that existed in Egypt at the time. I think we underestimate the ancients. That's all I'm saying. I think that they did have the ability to go around the world. If people were able to populate all of Polynesia and those islands that are thousands of miles apart.

Well, you know, they figured that out too. There was a documentary or a docudrama about it from some strange name. It was a foreign film. I just watched it the other day. Me and Ari watched it, where they, in Peru, they got on a boat and they sailed all the way across to the South Pacific. Well, Contiki did that in the 40s. That's it. That's the movie.

That's the movie. Yes, Contiki. That's exactly what it is. Right. And he said that they were related, the South Sea Islanders and the people of South America. Interesting movie. There's a couple of cut-the-shit moments in it where they kill a shark and bring it up on the fucking deck. Oh, they're killing sharks all the time in the book.

Yeah, but they pick it up and bring it to this giant shark. It's so big that it's so obviously photoshopped. You're like, come on, man. Do you know how much that fucking thing would weigh? First of all, you can't just pull that on your raft, asshole. It's going to tip over your raft. You can't just stab it in the head and kill you. It's going to flop around.

It's a fish, fuckface. It's a shark, but it's a fish. You can't just pull a shark on a deck. They're giant, man. They're fucking huge. In the book, they're doing it all the time. He said they played with them and stuff. Well, I bet they did, but I bet they were small.

Smaller, probably. There's no way it was that big. The one that they used in the movie was so preposterous. It was a fucking missile. There's even evidence that black Africans came over to South America and stuff like that. They don't really trace that stuff down as hard as they can. Also, the water levels change so much. A lot of

things are underground that weren't 10,000 years ago, or underwater. So the coastlines have changed, I think. D that dramatically with which which and people live near the water so that's I think that well not only that they're saying now that they think that people were trapped in a landmass on the Bering Strait for thousands of years uh-huh that it wasn't a smooth transition between people kind of walking over like they were shown walking no people got stranded out there for thousands of years.

I mean, there was nowhere to go. I mean, everything, the environment changed. The earth moved on them. The earth moved on. Yeah. And they got stuck. You know, and then there's the Olmecs, who they don't even know who the fuck they were. Right.

And they have these African faces that are carved into these giant stones that they're guesstimating it's somewhere around 6,000 years ago. They really don't even know. They way precede,000 years ago. They really don't even know. They way precede the Mayans. Yeah, they don't even know. The Mayans were like, what, 1,500 years ago? Yeah, up to the Middle Ages. 2,000 years ago.

But the Olmecs, they don't even know anything about them. They don't know anything about their language. They don't know. They know so little. So it's like to chase that down, like, what do you do? And then there's what they say about all those fucking, there's their finding on a all those fucking there's they're finding on a regular basis in mexico city they do construction and they find temples right they dig

into the ground like whoop hold up hold up we just hit gold okay we found a gold castle like they find crazy shit on a regular basis and then when they're going through the jungles especially at the amazon there was a whole thing i was watching, a documentary on lost civilizations in the Amazon, where they had found these paths, like creeks, that had been carved into the ground, aqueducts or what have you. They found this complex irrigation system that was built into these unknown jungle areas. And they were like, what the fuck is this?

And then there was a mound that they figured out was actually a construction of some sort. They thought it was just a hill, but the hill had existed for so long. It had been covered up with dirt and then became like, you know, just a fucking hill. Someone made that hill. Yeah. And they're looking at this like, no, no, no, no. This at one point in time, somebody built this.

Like we're finding pottery and weird shit. And then you look at it from a satellite, you could actually see grids. They started like finding grids with seismic readings and they'd use there's all sorts of different ways they'd send radio waves into the ground. Right, I know. Isn't that amazing how they can find the grids underneath things now? It's incredible.

But they're like, who was doing this? Whose shit is this? These people that live there now don't live like this. Right, no, they're as primitive or much more primitive than those people were. Yeah, much more. I mean, and it's ironic that you see these people in this really primitive environment. You see them with like a Hanes t-shirt on.

Right, of course, because we've poisoned the entire world. Yeah. There's no more people that make their own clothes. The third world wears all of our detritus. Yeah. There's also the descent of man, too. I mean, if you think about it that that way the ancient Egyptians and the Mayans possessed knowledge that we don't possess

right and does that mean we're more advanced than them because we have a phone and we can text our douchebag friends I don't think it does I think they knew about the moon and the stars and the movement of the world and maybe wouldn't have even been as panicked about

so obviously natural disasters wiped them out in a lot of cases they always talk about that with the Mayans was it drought? was it drought? Was it earthquake? Was it that forced them to move, that forced them to change? But the thing that I think they all sought to alter their environment.

There's none of this benign, I live with nature under a leaf. That's primitive people. Like you always say, if you have any intellect at all or any intuition or any kind of, you know know gumption or anything that motivates you to curiosity the Mayans farmed fish the Mayans irrigated the Mayans

burned out jungles the Mayans built giant things in the middle of other things they didn't live in harmony like we like to think

like oh they lived with a buffalo and they walked around people always seek to alter not only alter the universe they live in to interpret the physical universe as it relates to them always always and uh that's that i think that's what people are and and that kind of gets lost in the excitement of uh you know having

high technology and instantaneous communication and stuff is that if they'd had it, they would have employed it. Like you said, they went as far as they could without oil. If they give the mines electricity, or the Egyptians, let them have light at night. Let them have ultra-powerful telescopes and space probes.

Yeah, no kidding. I mean, they probably had the same ingenuity and minds that we had. They just had different things to work with. They were watching the planets. They were watching the cosmos. But what a weird world. They were trying to figure out the natural world and how cycles went and to build here so that they didn't get flooded and you know. When you think about how much advancement they did have in those areas, those areas

of construction using natural materials, what an indication that is of extreme intelligence. We assume with brass chisels and having to exploit the natural fissures and rocks and having to be engineers of the highest caliber and not. And Brian, pull up an image of the Mayan calendar. Pull up a stone image. Find a good one. Because the Mayan calendar is like, okay, I mean, I had an old joke about how few people understand technology. If I gave you a hatchet and left you in the woods, how long would it take before you could send me an email?

Yeah. That no one knows any of this shit. How long would it take for you to ever figure out all the cycles of the Earth itself so that you could create this fucking thing? Countless eternity? This fucking thing. That piece of art?

Which is more accurate than any Western calendar. Right, there's no leap years. No. Those are included. Yeah, it's amazing. And like you say, the three counts, they have the three cycles. Yeah, it's amazing. And it's one of those things that like the yugas, like the

Kali Yuga, the ages of man, it takes into account ages where people kind of took into account the rise and fall of civilizations in their calendars as if it was all like sort of a mathematical algorithm. Like the Hindus, they thought that there was a mathematical program to like life on Earth that you would reach these ages of enlightenment and they would be followed by darkness and there would be despair and then there'd be a rebirth. Like there's yin and a yang a breathing in and a breathing out a tide goes in

the tide goes out with everything including civilization it's not always forward movement but that that would be worked into a calendar and that would be part of the cosmography and agreed upon not just as folklore no no no but philosophy loss of e but think about the amount Religion of data that they would have to possess for they all to agree on that thousands and thousands of years of collected wisdom And watching planets in retrograde watching cycles in motion fuck we can't even wrap our heads around that we can't we just can't where do We think all the belief systems came from that we supposedly believe in like Judaism and Christianity and That is oh you can have that on my balls that is imagine oh you can have that on your balls

left ball right ball center taint is that guy yeah shomoya bonjama imagine the first time you ever date a girl and she goes down on you and that's what she sees tattooed around your asshole she'd be like oh I'll be right back that's a deal breaker yeah it is

tattooed assholes are I can't go there. Well, it's a bold aesthetic choice. Yeah, you can have a star on your forehead. I'll let it slide. Wow. That's a pretty good idea for a tattoo. Wow. Well, you'd have to have someone who's a very talented artist.

I would be comfortable with, say, like an- I like how it went right to my calendar tattoos. Aaron De La Vadova or Kat Von D. They would be able to do that. Well, also the cultural significance of everything they did too. They didn't just play sports to play sports. Obviously, they did just to amuse themselves. But when they're having their big games, those are an expression of, as you were saying, the cosmography of the universe.

They were reenacting the moments of the universe. That's why it was played for life and death and all that. I don't mean every day they didn't play for life and death, but when they had their rituals. You know, like the original Olympic Games were in Olympics because that was a spiritual place, and that's where all the temples were, and it started as a small event

and then eventually became a unifying event for all of Greece or what they call Ionic, you know, Hellenic culture or whatever. But that's because it was a spiritual to play the games was to be part of this ongoing thing that went on and on. It wasn't, you know what I mean?

We win this year, hooray for us. You know, obviously there's that moment of it, but also you went there to sacrifice. You went there to sing. You went there to pray. You went there to be with everyone else. People pitched up and camped. It was a giant event. It took a long time to get someplace then because they didn't have a bus that took you there.

You had to get there. And when you got there, you didn't stay at a hotel. You stayed in the field. But yet they still had these giant organized games. And you see the crowns from them and you see the grounds. When they had the olympics in greece they played on lots of the original fields from you know over a thousand years ago can you imagine there's a little continuity of man you know and the imagining of what you can you know imagine if you're a discus thrower and you're in that arena

in those days there was discus throwers thousands of years ago standing in your very footsteps yeah or javelin. Yeah. Or the put. There's a bunch of events that are the same. Yeah. They rode horses more and they wrestled a lot. And when they long jump, they held weights.

They held weights? Yeah. And they long jumped? So when you could run and then, or standing long jump, whoa, and I just punched it. But you held weights so you could go further. You can go further with weights? Yeah, yeah. If you have like two 10-pound weights in your hands and you fling yourself forward with the weights.

Oh, really? Yeah, and so they fought with – Sounds like a cartoon. They didn't wear gloves, but they wrapped their hands. That's some fucking Bugs Bunny shit, like when they step out of a plane right before it hits the ground. Oops. Yeah, no, it's all very – and that's the thing that – I think that why we like sports on TV and why people like religion still if they do, there's very little ritual left in our lives.

Right. And there's very little community ritual. Like in a Mayan culture, when you woke up in the morning, you didn't just go, I wonder what I'm going to do today. The drums went off before dawn. The priests started singing. The sun was sung into existence yet again on another day the incense was burnt

you went to school if you were a child or you went to your job your life was ritualized and your life was codified and your life was you had to do what you had to do every day in those cultures that's how they were able to have high culture with pyramids and engineering.

They didn't just fucking wander around like we do and go, I'm going to get high and fucking watch Deputy Dog and fucking Netflix my ass off all day or whatever. Deputy Dog. It's perfect. I went Deputy Dog. You went Deputy Dog. I love it. I went Deputy Dog.

You know what I mean? It's like that's the difference. People built the pyramids. The people that built the pyramids in Egypt were paid in beer and bread and whatnot and lived in camps near the pyramids with their families. And there were foremans and there were workers and there were people of every level and they had to fit into their society. They weren't a disorganized rabble and they weren't all slaves being whipped to do this.

They were motivated. They knew about eternity. Eternity was a real thing. They knew by their diets. The diets showed that they were skilled workers. Yeah. And that beer is a nutritious food as well as... I didn't tweet this.

We've been live this whole time with no tweeting. I tweeted it at the beginning, but I should probably go pretty soon too. I got a pyramid I'm working on. You got a pyramid? I just finished laying the base stones, but I think they're off by a couple centimeters. You got to be careful with those Mayan workers these days.

Dude, you got to watch them every step of the way. They get on cheap booze. When they did examinations of the campsites, they found really expensive foods, like chicken bones and meats that are expensive. So they knew that these people weren't slaves. These people were skilled workers. That's how you know.

They're not eating chitlins. The really nutty numbers are when you break down how long it would take to build one. The Great Pyramid of Giza is 2,300,000 stones. So if you cut in place 10 stones a day,

it would take you 664 years. But it didn't. We don't know. We don't know how long it took them. But the pyramids were old. What do they say?

The age of Cleopatra, which is 2,000-ish years. Right. To us, because she was alive when Julius Caesar was alive and she lived till what 19 AD or something or BC right before AD

or CE as they say now is closer to us than she was to the pyramids. Yeah, isn't that incredible? The pyramids were so old when Cleopatra, the last of the pharaohs, was existent. But then did you see the other day,

and I'm sure you saw this, John Tyler, the president from the 1840s, two grandchildren alive. Grand children. Not great-grandchildren, not great-great-grandchildren. He had kids

like late into his 60s. Yes, he had kids very old and with two different women who were quite younger than him. And then they had, their kids had kids when they were very old. That's how. It's only two bloody generations to go back to before the Civil War. Ness, they're old.

They're in their late 80s or early 90s. But still think about the – that's what – like you said, the ancientness of the – how would you be able to build a pyramid like that? Well, if you had zillions of workers, well-organized, well-fed, in a society that was able to produce that kind of excess that you were able to feed that many people and put on a giant project like that. And they're not even the first ones, right? They're the third or fourth incarnation of pyramids. Right. Because there's the one, the step pyramid first, and then the other, you know. Well, they don't even think that now. Oh, really? No, there's very controversial theories involving the ages and the variations in the ages. And there's some stuff that they've

uncovered that is like the same methods of construction that they used, like with the Sphinx Temple. It's one of the reasons why they used, like with the Sphinx Temple. It's one of the reasons why they want to backdate the Sphinx Temple. Really, the John Anthony West and the Robert Schock, he's the geologist at Boston University. Yeah, they want to keep backdating that. They want to backdate it. Way past the pyramids.

Well, there's evidence for it now because of Gobekli Tepe, which is that civilization they found in Turkey that's giant, massive stone columns, concentric circles, and it's 14,000 years old. And they're like, holy shit, because when you're talking about the pyramids, you're talking about 5,000 plus years ago. Bronze Age. Yeah, 2500 BC. Think about that.

So from then back, just from then back, you're talking about an additional 9,000 years? Jesus fucking Christ. And they were able to have high technology. 9,000 years. That's 5,000 years? Jesus fucking Christ. And they were able to have high technology. 9,000 years. That's 5,000 years from us. Which we presume they had writing. It was 9,000 years before them. Yeah.

So almost double the time between us and the construction of the pyramids back to Gobekli Tepe. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So that means they had writing, belief systems, agriculture, technology. They had the ability to make giant stone structures, which is the real mind blower. Because that was what was always argued about the backdating of the Sphinx. They were like, what civilization existed?

Because they were trying to, John Anthony West and Robert Shock were trying to say that there's erosion marks. Robert Shock is a geologist. Right. And he said there is clear water erosion marks all over the temple of the Sphinx where the blocks were cut out. The last time there was significant rainfall in the Nile Valley was 9,000 BC so you would need thousands of years of rainfall previous to that so you're talking

11,000 10,000 BC which is holy fucking shit. There's mammoths alive. That's 12,000 13,000 years ago. That's the Pleistocene That's the two cats. Yeah, it's gonna say there's giant animals still They were making sphinxes. They were making these temples. They were building complex patterns in stone. Then the old kingdom stuff they find like buried deep deep deep in the ground is this older version of construction that doesn't have hieroglyphs on it, and it's still massive stone structures but cut in the more distinct pattern of larger stones. So the variations in the models and the way they built them, there's a lot of people that think they might have gotten less advanced as time went on. And a lot of the shitty pyramids might have been like later pharaohs. They're like, build me a magnificent pyramid.

And they're like, uh, okay. We don't know how to do it anymore. We lost the golden numbers. You get a janky contractor out there fucking slapping together some shitbag pyramid, and people are trying to say that these are the first pyramids. Well, they might not be. You're right. It's hard to backdate stone, you know?

They take, like, little organic bits in between the stones and things that are buried near the stones, but, you know, they're pretty sure the Great Pyramid of Giza, 2500 BC. Pretty sure. And it didn't come out of nowhere. No, they fucking made it. It's giant. It couldn't have just sprung out that engineering feat that's still standing.

I think I need to go there. I'm scared because of the civil unrest there. John Anthony West says, don't worry about it. It's nothing we do all the time. I know. I keep reading that too. My wife keeps having this discussion. We keep wanting to go for Christmas.

That's the place to go, man. Isn't it? That's the motherfucker of all motherfuckers. That is. That's the big mind fuck of civilization. That is. This is the big spot. How did they. That's the big mind fuck of civilization. That is. The big spot. How did they do it?

2,300,000 stones. They weigh between two and some of them weigh up to as much as 80 tons. And the intricacy of what's inside and beneath it. The whole complex, the whole system around there. And then there's things that they're like the temple. And they were covered, of course. They were covered with beautiful limestone. And a gold cap.

And they used that limestone to build parts of Cairo. Some of the limestone, you can see little patches of course. They were covered with beautiful limestone. And a gold cap. And they used that limestone to build parts of Cairo. Some of the limestone, though. You can see little patches of it. Yes. Yeah, it's a mine fuck. Yeah, and I was going to say, they quarried. They basically just quarried the pyramids. Assholes came along and destroyed one of the greatest structures known to man.

And it's still there. It's still there. It's so big. It can't be put down. I don't think you can appreciate that unless you're there. I think I've got to go there, but I don't want to go there. I would just love it if somehow... It is scary there, but you know what? The prices

now are... Oh, for a trip? Oh, yeah. For sure. No, we were on the internet the other day, and they're like, things that would have cost you a fortune before are like half price, but then you have to be able to deal with getting out of there. If you were Anthony Bourdain, you'd just fly in on a fucking bat cape

He got goes all these fucking crazy places. He goes to Libya. He goes everywhere Yeah, he just takes that risk and just goes it's a small crew to Stopped for people one if you're by yourself if war breaks out you're fucked a doodle-doo Yeah, you are and that's the thing about taking your family. Yes. Well, he goes solo He doesn't bring his family, but he went to Beirut and war broke out in Beirut. I remember that episode. Famous episode, man. Yeah, I remember that episode.

Motherfucker, that was crazy. Yeah, and then how do you get out? You can't. You gotta wait it out. Yeah. And who knows if your hotel's gonna get hit? Who knows how extreme it's gonna get? Yeah.

Who knows who has a nuke? Right, who's gonna red-eye rocket launch your fucking rental car? Oh, fucking Christ, Greg Proops. But you know what we do know? You're not gonna get nuked if you go to gregproops.com and pick up your special at Moose Home Franks. You're not going to get nuked, folks.

This is actually protection against nuked. We can say that with 100% money-back guarantee payable only to the people who got nuked. You know why? Because if you get nuked, you're fucking, you're never going to collect. No, you're never going to collect. You're going to be in a warm, enveloping glow of humor and gooditude. It's an iron-clad guarantee, Greg Proops. It's not even disingenuous.

My wife told me I was crazy to sell it for $4, but she couldn't stop me. She can't stop you. You're a man. I'm out of control. You're a man who's got the balls to film his comedy special at a restaurant. At a restaurant. On the floor. Yeah. You give zero fucks

There's no stage. No, there wasn't there's no makeup. There is a jazz band though. Oh, well, that's nice It's nice to have a jazz band. Yeah, I wish I had a jazz band That's when you're a real gangster. You got your own barber and a jazz band I know a barber waiting for you his full-time job is waiting every day That's what I love about the old days. Every day a shave and a gentle trim. A very gentle style and a trim. A little powder on the neck. Yeah, right. Go about your business.

Something for the weekend, gentlemen. Yeah. Well, thanks, man. You've been awesome, as always. That's there, and the podcast is there. I'm doing it tonight. If anybody's in Los Angeles, I'll be at the Bar Lube at 7 o'clock. There's nobody better suited to the improvisational aspects of a live podcast format

the way you're doing it than you. You're the best. No, you're awesome. I really enjoy your comedy. I really enjoy talking to you every time I have you on the podcast. And I you, Mr. Rogan. It's a real treat. It's really fun. Thanks for having me back on again, pal. Anytime, my friend. Carte Blanche. Open invitation. I don't even know what Carte Blanche means.

I think it means good stuff. White cards. White cards. You got a white card, sir. Shouldn't try to say Carte Blanche like I'm smart when I couldn't even know what carte blanche means. I think it means good stuff. White card. You got a white card, sir. I shouldn't try to say carte blanche like I'm smart. I couldn't write it. I prefer diner's club, and I thank you. Good night, everybody. You're the best. Greg Proops, ladies and gentlemen.

Follow him on Twitter. Greg Proops on Twitter. GregProops.com is the website. The special is called? Live at Musso and Frank. Can't get any better than that, bitches. Thanks also to our sponsors. Thanks to Ting.

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Use the code word ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements. March 14th, I will be in Grand Prairie, Texas, just outside of Dallas Sun at the Verizon Theater with Ari Shaffir and Duncan Trussell. That's right, bitches. I'm not fucking around. Go to JoeRogan.net for all dates and details and DeathSquad.tv for all of Brian Redband's

upcoming comedy gigs. Lots of shit happening in the world of little Brian. Yeah, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver, 18, 19, 20. DeathSquad.tv. Go there and check it out. My podcast now is on iTunes. Dysentery, the sexual harassment me.

Yeah, if you really want to get angry at Brian, download these podcasts. All right, we will see you. We've got a great group of podcast guests next week. We've got Greg Fitzsimmons. We've got, Jesus Christ, who else is coming up? Oh, Duncan and Chris Ryan. We're doing our threesome podcast. We're doing that on Tuesday.

The response has been insane for those podcasts. So we've all committed to one a month. We're doing mine this time. Next time we do Duncan's, and then we do Chris Ryan's, and we keep going in this loop. So I think that will turn people on to two really great podcasts, Duncan Trussell's Family Hour and Christopher Ryan's Tangentially Speaking. It should be the Christopher Ryan show. I don't want complication, man.

Why are you fucking with my head, man? But that's going to be fun to talk to those guys next week. Lots of other great guests coming up too. We've got lots of fun stuff. So see you guys soon. And that's it. Big kiss. Enjoy your weekend muah