The Joe Rogan Experience - #475 - Adam Carolla

Episode Date: March 26, 2014

Adam Carolla is a comedian, radio personality, television host and actor. Help Adam fight the patent trolls!! - http://www.fundanything.com/patenttroll

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! Adam Carolla I saw you looking, you want some of this? I was looking for some coffee This is coffee with grass fed butter and MCT oil mixed into it Wow

Do you know what that is? No Well the idea behind it, it was apparently invented by a guy named Rob Wolf And then made popular by another guy named Dave Asprey. And what it is is the grass-fed butter and the MCT oil provide healthy fats mixed in with the coffee. And it allows a slow burn of the caffeine. So instead of that big crash that you get, you don't get the big crash because your body has to absorb the fats that are blended in with the caffeine. Yeah.

It's very nice. It's sweet. the caffeine. Yeah. It's very nice. It's sweet. Very nice. Yeah. No, what I do is I simply eat cows that have been fed coffee grounds. That's a way to do it, a roundabout way. So I have like a cappuccino porterhouse or whatever. Instead of the grass-fed beef, I just feed them just straight Sumatra beans,

straight from Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, and then I'll eat that cow. I would go to that steak joint, by the way. The coffee-fed cows. Fuck Kobe, just coffee-fed cow. Bunch of cows all jittery, sitting around, scratching at their udders and scraping themselves up against the fence. But I would definitely eat that cow. Sounds like a great idea, actually. I wonder if it would have some sort of effect on the meat.

I don't know. Because for sure, corn does. I'm in, man. I'm in, too. Let's open it. Let's do it together. Let's do it. A joint podcast business.

Yeah. I want to also, I want to, tell me if you're down with this. Okay. The best part of going out and eating Italian food is when the chick comes by with that little silver bucket that has the Parmesan cheese in it. And she does it. Would you like a little Parmesan on that pasta? And you go, fuck yeah, I'd like a little Parmesan on that pasta. And she takes the spoon out and she kind of flicks it around the top.

You never quite have the balls to go, sweetie, I need a second dip. Like, is that good? And you go, sweetie, I need a second dip. Like, is that good? And you go, yeah, that's good. I realize half the time when people say you're good, I'm not good, but I just say I'm good anyway. And then she walks away. And then you eat the spaghetti, but you eat the top. You take the Parmesan off the top.

At some point, you get down to the middle, and now you're Parmesan-less. I would open a restaurant where that bitch came back a second time, and it's just called More Parmesan. It's mediocre Italian food, but here's the rub. The chick comes back a second time and goes, can I top off some of that shit that I didn't hit the first time around? Isn't there a point of diminishing return with cheese?

Like there gets to be a point where you don't want half cheese, half pasta. That would be a wreck. No, but the ratio is too great with the cheese at the beginning and then you're cheeseless in the middle to the end. I just want that last dusting. Just that crop dust. I always feel it's like life. It's more exciting and fascinating in the beginning. In the end, you're just sort of maintaining. Are you in maintenance mode? No, I'm fine.

Okay, good. Everything seems good. Good. I like your digs. Last time I came to your place, I was at your place, and now I'm at your new place. Yeah, we got tired of bringing weirdos over to my house. After a while, I realized. No, I had Andy Dick come over to my house

and devour all of my lunch meats and thinly sliced provolone cheese. You know the stuff you get from the Italian deli that comes wrapped up in the paper, in the white paper? The nice stuff. Yeah. And there's a weird thing, and I don't know how you feel about this, but I grew up poor and hungry. Like I was fucking hungry all the time and food was a big deal. And I had to mooch a lot of food off of other people, go to other people's houses and mooch their food at lunch was always bumming. You know, Hey, you're going to finish that sandwich. Gotta eat that sandwich. You know, it's like

always mooching and bumming Henry's tacos over here in North Hollywood, when I was a kid, I used to go there and get the broken taco shells. I'd go, you make hard shell tacos, right? Yeah. You got any broken shells? They'd go, yeah, some of them break. I go, give me the broken shells. They give me the broken shells. I go, give me some hot sauce.

I go, here's some hot sauce. It's free. I go, can I have a cup of water? A cup of water. And I'd just sit there eating my own fucking nachos for free. It sucked at the time though. It was like, all right, I'm getting free food. Uh, I was always crazy with food. And if somebody ever gets into my shit, I'm okay with it. But there was something about the lunch meat. Andy Dick came over and he's like, you got any cheese? You got any lunch meat? And he stood in my kitchen. He was just taking big handfuls of it and just shoving it in his face.

And then later on, when we did the podcast, he lit up a cigar, smoked half of it in my office, and then kept the other half. But he never retrieved it. And it rolled behind my printer. And then my house smelled like smoked lunch meats and smoked cigars and Andy Dick for the next week. And I was like, it's time to move it to the studio. It's time to go to the warehouse. How long ago was this? I probably, it's so weird because at the time you don't think to like write anything down.

But I probably started from my den in my house and I probably lasted about three or four months. And then I moved it to my warehouse. And what year did you start podcasting? You started right when the radio show was done? Yeah, in February 2009. Isn't it funny that that was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to you, is the radio show being done? Because that radio show being done let you just completely be you, not worry about nothing talk say whatever the fuck you want and your podcast became the biggest podcast in the world directly as a result of that

you went right from one right into the other and it became better well you know uh we like to get philosophical which is what i always dig about doing your show. And everyone spends their life fearful and trying to avoid change. And they look at change as a negative all the time. Like, I want to keep my job. I want to keep my house. I want to keep my car. I want to keep my wife. I want to keep, you know, unless you start making some real cash

and then it's time for change. But what I'm saying is we spent our whole lives sort of hanging on to whatever we're hanging on to our youth or whatever. It's don't change. And then when somebody gets fired or somebody gets, you know, for me, I tried to be a groundling. And, and after a certain point, the groundling said, you're not going to make it. And you're gone. And I was heartbroken and devastated. And I've had girlfriends dump me.

And I was heartbroken. I was dead. And I've been fired from jobs. Oh, my God, I had a terrestrial radio gig. And it paid tons of cash. And I had a big contract. And now you're done. So you spend your entire life basically fearful and trying to avoid change. But my question to you is when has change ever been bad?

When has it ever slowed you down? And is it, doesn't it just open up other opportunities? And can't you look back on your life at a million times that things have changed and then almost immediately we're better after that change? Sure, your girlfriend dumps you and you're bummed out, beaten off in a heap of tears for six weeks or a month, and then you meet a hotter chick or a different chick or a smarter chick. You know what I'm saying? Same with the job, same your entire journey of life. What is no change? No change is working at the same postal sorting place in Illinois for 41 years. That's no change. So even though we're always freaked out by change, it's usually a good thing and it's basically life. For people with the

right attitude who do the right things right after a change, definitely. But some people allow a change to beat the fuck out of them, and they never recover. There's people that got dumped in high school and were never the same human being afterwards. There's people that just never recovered from getting fired from the first good job they had, and they got a pill addiction or whatever the fuck. There's people that got one divorce, and they lost all their money, and they just started drinking. They just, fuck this. I'll throw it all away now. No, I agree.

And those people need to change. And those people, I mean, you ever talk to those dudes that are hanging on to some shit from 20 years ago? That's ridiculous. I can't talk to someone who's hanging on to some shit from two weeks ago. Like, cut it out. You know, Dr. Drew, when he first started doing Loveline a million years ago, he worked with a dude called The Poor Man. I remember that guy. And Poor Man got himself fired.

And I don't know all the ins and outs, but he sent a bunch of listeners over to Bean of Kevin and Bean's house, gave him his address. What? They came out to his lawn. What a douchebag. Well, he did a bunch of listeners over to Bean of Kevin and Bean's house, gave him his address, they came out to his lawn. What a douchebag. Well, he did a few things that, you know, the management wasn't happy about. Were they enemies, him and Bean, or was it just for a goof? I think Bean was screwing with poor man and poor man was screwing with Bean, but it's like I was tickling you and you were tickling me.

And then I walked away and you took a snow shovel and hit me over the head with it. Right. And whatever it is, he crossed the line. And at some point, the management just went, well, we're making a change. And poor man, you're out. And Ricky Rackman, you're in. And okay, Ricky Rackman took over and it was Dr. Drew and Ricky Rackman.

And poor man always wanted Dr. Drew to hold out or quit with him or whatever he wanted him to do. I don't even know all the details. Now, three years later, I showed up and I took over for Ricky Rackman. Six months ago, I was doing one of my like mangrove tasting events in Manhattan and somebody who was affiliated with the poor man was dispatched to come to the event and sort of corner me and hold a microphone in front of me and say like what do you think of the poor man and what do you think

of dr drew and all that and i i started thinking myself jesus fucking christ it's been 20 years and when i say 20 years i mean 22 years years. I thought, let it go, man. Move on to whatever you're moving on to. I don't know if you got screwed or you didn't get screwed. We all get screwed at some point or another. Move it on. And I think she said, is there anything you'd like to say to poor man? And by the way, all I did was fill in,

all I did was take over for the guy who took over for him. I don't even have any association with him. And I just said, may the next 20 years be as fruitful as the last. Always a good thing to say to someone, but in context. Yes, in context. So I guess some people move on better than others but uh people if you're staring in your rearview mirror and you never stop looking at that thing and all you want is for that thing to make you whole again you just keep driving and

get getting further away the years just keep on. And that thing you're staring on, staring at, that thing's moved on. Yeah, patterns of thoughts can be really good if you're just one of those guys that develops a really good pattern of thought. Dust yourself off. All right, you fucking keep moving by default. And we're going to fucking use this. It's going to be fuel. And from here on out, things are going to be way better

because there's no losses. There's only lessons. We learned our lesson. We're moving on. And then there's the other person that by default, fucking always happens to me, man. Always happens to me. I'm so tired of the world fucking me over. She leaves me and right when my fucking boss fought.

All the same nonsense. No, I always love the, I love the, why'd you get fired? I got fired because I do the work of five dudes and the boss felt threatened. It's like, yeah. Has that ever happened? No, I've been the boss a lot of times. I fire the guys who do the work of half a dude, not five dudes. Yeah, but you're a nice guy.

You're a nice guy. There are some people that don't like you doing better than them. If they're in a position of power, they will fuck you over. you doing better than them. If they're in a position of power, they will fuck you over. There are always, you know, I, I say there are always people who are out there to fuck you over. Just like there, your chances, there's a, there's a chance that you can be hit by drunk driver when you're just sitting in an intersection, you know, minding your own

business. Just this guy is, you know, 0.275, blows through a red light, is completely blottoed, and just puts you in a wheelchair or a casket. I mean, there is that opportunity. It's out there for everyone. And then there's the chance that you win the lottery or your dad is Jerry Jones and owns a professional sports franchise. And when he dies, he's going to give the Dallas Cowboys to you. That's not going to be anybody we know. They'll be the high, they'll be the low. Almost everyone we know will live in the middle. And the middle is you get the dickhead boss that has it out for you. You get the girlfriend that dumps you, cheated on you. And then you have the best friend who did you a solid.

And the boss who was a really cool guy. And the landlord that was cool. And the landlord that is a dick. You're just going to live in the middle. So when you're in the middle and once you've decided you're not blessed, you're not cursed, you're just in the middle,

now you get to control your own destiny. I firmly believe that without all those fuck-ups the honey isn't as sweet. You have to get dumped. If you don't get dumped, if I was still with the same girl that I didn't want to get dumped by when I was 17, my life would be horrifying. It would be a horrible disaster.

She was, you know, we were not compatible. Right. Who were you compatible with at 17? Exactly. Who is compatible with anybody at 17? I wasn't at, you think about it, like you hear about these people, oh, you know, we're 23, we're going to get married. Think about where your fucking head was at at 17. I wasn't at, you think about it, like you hear about these people, oh, you know, we're 23, we're gonna get married. Think about where your fucking head was at at 23.

Oh, God. Nowhere. It was in the clouds. I mean, I don't even know that guys should be allowed to get married before 30. Yeah, I don't think you can think straight. You're, you're, you're, first off, it's amazing that you're an adult and just how

fucking stupid you are when you're 22 or 23 as a dude also in terms of your understanding of a woman or giving her what she needs or responsibility or responsibility yourself family that kind of stuff no fucking way especially if you don't have a close relationship to some women, either women that you're friends with, that you grew up with, or preferably sisters, or a close relationship with your mother. If you're a guy that grows up with his dad and mom's out of the picture and you're supposed to learn women, good fucking luck. It's like showing up at a school in Mexico and trying to take first year Spanish. Everybody's fucking way ahead of you, man.

They're way ahead of you. We don't understand each other until deep into our 30s, as far as men and women kind of understanding this other person who is, they have a completely different way of thinking. There's a completely different wiring under the board. And you press a button that you'd press on a guy and get a positive response and someone's mad at you and you have to kind of figure out what to say what not to say and what to tease about and what you can't tease about ever i when i i didn't have a family. But when my, when I was about 19 or 20, I was doing construction. I was, you know, doing construction. I mean, I was picking up garbage on a construction site and digging ditches and, you know, basically just a glorified goomper, you know, just like literally you think

of it as, oh, you're construing a bunch of guys wearing hard hats and putting together eye beams and girders no it's just me walking around picking up garbage you know that's kind of sweeping shit and stacking drywall you know i was probably making about seven or eight dollars an hour and my dad said to me uh uh, you're going to have trouble with women. And I was like, why? And he's like, uh, I was married to your mom and you were raised by your mom and there's going to be issues here. And he said, uh, I'm going to find you a shrink and I'll pay for half and you pay for half. Now it is insane when you make $8 an hour and you're sitting down with someone who gets $100 an hour for 50 minutes. It's the most insane thing in the world.

It was literally like five hours of work for me to sit down with this woman in Beverly Hills and discuss my problems when I was 20. And what kind of problems did you have that were so unusual that you had to sit down with a shrink? My dad, who comes from that kind of world, basically said, you need to sit down with a woman and you need to establish a relationship with a woman that's a good relationship. Basically saying it's not so much the information that you're going to get from her, but it's the relationship that you're going to have with her. So the fact that she's the position of authority and that she's intelligent and she's rational, and then you have to see her and you sort of raise your bar on women because of that yeah not so much um raising the bar but just like you have never had a positive consistent relationship with something that has a vagina and i you And I, you need to have that.

So he basically saw trouble in your future. He did. And he knew that, well, I didn't have that with my mom, and I didn't really have that with my grandma, and I wasn't really having that with anybody around me, and that this needed to be established. That's some deep insight by your dad. Yeah.

It was kind of interesting. I mean, it is kind of his bag. You know, it's kind of his thing. But it was, and you know, it's one of these things where it's like a multivitamin. You know, I always tell people like therapy is like a multivitamin. They're like, does it work? Does it not work? I go, do you feel different?

I go, I don't know. When you take not work? I go, do you feel different? I go, I don't know. When you take a multivitamin, do you feel different or are you just being active in your health? Right. And you're participating in your health. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Yeah. And, you know, obviously when you take a Quaalude, you feel different. But when you take a multivitamin, I don't know if you feel different. It's part of, but you should take that multivitamin. That's what I'm saying.

Be active in it. I always thought half of therapy is you physically getting up and going to therapy and participating in that aspect of your life. So the therapy wasn't like, it's not something like, holy shit, dude, you need fucking therapy. It was more like, you know, it's good to take a vitamin. Yeah, yeah. It's like if your dad was into holistic health and he said, oh, poor kid, here's some herbs, take these.

These motherfuckers drive me crazy. The idea that some douchebag who's got an ancient book on leaves knows more than some fucking dude who's spent his entire life studying diseases. And they have like some really good modern cures, but no, shithead over here wants to give you some holistic cure that may or may not work. Well, here's the whole thing about the holistic stuff for me. And it's sort of the, you know, the wisdom of the oriented, all that kind of bullshit to me, it's like this. If you don't have a real problem, then it'll cure whatever your non-real problem is. If your real

problem is just some sort of fatigue that's based on depression or based on something that's going on emotionally in your life. Basically, it's living in your head, but you say, oh, my joints ache and I have trouble getting out of bed. And I give you a magic pill that has a little bit of whisker of the cat in it. Then that'll work on you. Now, if you got a real problem, I do a podcast with a guy named Brian. Brian has a tumor on his brainstem and he's got a real problem. That's a different problem. And he takes medication that stops the growth of that, of that tumor. It was experimental experimental at the time but if that tumor grows then he's dead within six months and he's 30 years old so when you have a tumor on the base your spine or the top of your spine and the base your brain that's inoperable whisker of the cat the fucking hair of

the newt is not gonna fucking heal that shit for you. Rhino horn for boners. Right. No, that doesn't work if you have a real problem. That's the best combination, the best comparison, rather, is rhino horn versus Cialis. Right. One of them only works in your mind. You're like, oh, I feel more virile. And the other one gives you

a steel rod in your pants for a solid day. You have a choice. Whether you want to go with voodoo or that little blue thing. Well, the rhino horn should be a strap-on rhino horn. You should get the whole horn. Forget about grinding it up into a fucking powder and putting

it in your teeth. Just give me the whole fucking horn. I'll put a bicycle inner tube around it, wrap it once around the balls, and nail over the fucking horn. Could you imagine how horrible it would be if men had hard-ons all the time like a horn? If it wasn't a biological process that you had to engage in your head. All factors have to be right. And anything that's wrong, fear, boner shuts down. Drunk, the boner shuts down. All these things happen, your boner shuts down. The complex

biological process that is the erection. If we just had a rhino horn and we could just fuck all the time, what a wreck it would be on Earth. Everyone would have calloused dicks. We'd have caked callouses all around the outsides of our dicks. There'd be all these places, instead of mani-pedi places.

There'd be places that would remove the calluses so you could enjoy pleasure with your dick again. I'm going to step up your apocalyptic boner future nightmare scenario. I'm going to fucking turn this one up to 11. Then imagine if there were boner poachers. Then imagine if there were boner poachers and they're like, hey, some guy in Japan wants to make some soup out of Rogan's cock because he thinks it's going to make his cock harder. Wow. Rogan's a virile guy. He's into the MMA.

So next thing you know, you're looking over your shoulder because there's some dude and you don't know if he's a game warden or if he's on your side or their side. But every time the sun goes down, you've got to worry about the cock poachers. Could you imagine, there is no way to grow your dick. But could you imagine if the only way to grow your dick would be sucking dicks? You'd have to run around and suck as many dicks as possible to get your dick bigger. But it did work. So a girl, when you pull your pants out, she'd look at your dick And she would know for a fact Wow, that's a great dick

But this guy most likely sucked a lot of cocks To get that dick so big Right, well then you'd have to explain That that's just sort of born this way God's gift Your dad and grandpa have huge cocks They never suck cocks Maybe you wouldn't want to protest that much.

Yeah. You'd have to lie about it a little bit. I don't know. Like bodybuilders and steroids. I don't know if the chick would assume that, but it would be an interesting thing to find out a survey of straight guys, which is if you could grow your cock by sucking cock, would you be in and down for that it would be like how much does it grow too oh yeah if every dick you sucked it grew an inch holy shit there'd be a long

negotiation about swallowing about length about are we metric or standard here we go in millimeters we're going by the inch how do we do it i always say say this. As everyone talks about, you know, your dick, your dick size, you measure the dick. How do you measure the dick? I say this. It should be standardized. You measure your cock this way. You heard it on Joe Rogan's show once and for all. Okay.

The official way to do it, use a cloth measuring tape. Center of the anus. What? Hear me out. Center of the anus. Once around Hear me out. Center of the anus, once around the balls, to just past the tip. Just past the tip. Just past the tip. That's the official way I measure my cock, and I think it should be a standard.

That's very generous of you. That's the way you measure cock? I've heard these supposed to be measured from the bottom, and I think that's ridiculous. No, center of anus. Center of anus. Center of anus. Don't cheat it back. Go center. Yeah.

Once around the balls, just past the tip. Let me ask you another thing, Joe. Cock related. Okay. Tell me if you'd be down with this. Okay. I've given this a lot, a lot of thought, a lot more thought than I'm really comfortable admitting, but I had this idea where we do a water displacement test on every guy over 18. Your hard cock into a graduated

cylinder, filled to the top with water, through just a very thin sheet of like stainless steel, lower you down. And we literally see how much water's displaced by your tumescent cock. Okay. Now this factors in girth and length and everything else. This is water. It'd be a volume thing. This is water displacement. Okay. Once we do that, we do it for every male in America over the age of 18. You then are issued a windbreaker. That windbreaker has your ranking on it. Not how much water you displace, not how big your cock is, but out of, let's say there's a hundred million males that are over the age of 18 in the United States. What place you come in?

Number one, that'd be a pretty fucking good windbreaker to have. You'd also, anybody was in the top 10 would be making the fucking rounds on the late night shows and each year you know there's two three five million guys turning 18 it all has to be recalibrated every year i mean you may actually getting bigger if you saw a graph of how big dicks used to be in the 20s in 2014 well you know just if if people are getting bigger, I'm sure proportionately we are. So the point is this. You may be number one, but there's always some guy turning 18. I mean, there's 1,000 guys just turned 18 the time I said that.

Yeah. And they're getting tested. And there's a big reveal. And for one month, everybody's got to wear that windbreaker wherever they are. And, you know, look, if you remember. No one's going to wear that thing for a month if you're. That's the rule. 2,999,000.

2 million. Someone's, it's starting at 100 million. Yeah. I mean, you can be. Sure. Somebody's going to be last. Well, there's 150 million, 300 million people in the country. So 150 million plus, minus.

Right, but then you got to go 18-year-old right after that. But let's just call it 100 million people. Okay. And for my money, the number one dude is going to do

all the late night shows and the last dude, he's going to make the rounds too. Did you ever see that one guy that has the biggest cock in the world apparently? He went to the TSA like he was wearing sweatpants and they accused him of trying to smuggle something.

The guy's got a giant hog. Yeah. Apparently it was like all over these news reports. White guy too. Pasty looking white guy. Yeah. I think his name is Jonah Falcon or something like that. Oh yeah?

That's what I heard. I think I saw a documentary or something do you remember in the porn days and it's not saying that john holmes doesn't have a big dick he definitely has a big dick but you remember when we were kids we would watch porn if you saw john holmes you'd be like holy shit that's a big dick jonah falcon so sad frisked by tsa by the way didn't believe it asked me who the vice president is i'm like uh nancy reagan state oh fuck man i didn't know it's gonna be a history quiz but big cocks i'm fucking your man john holmes used to have a giant dick but now that's like pretty standard like there's a lot of those guys with big giant dicks especially the

black ones i don't well i got a theory about big giant black dicks thank god dovetails nicely into my windbreaker theory i got a theory about that um and it is the following first off how dare you besmirch a good name of johnny wad homes because he did have a big dick and it's still big by today's big dick standard no doubt but uh as far as black guys having big dicks in porn i think that's a form of porn racism and i'll tell you why i think if you show up onto a porn set as a black guy with a medium-sized cock, fair to middling, you know, I got six and a half inches here. They send you packing. They're like, we don't need black guys with small cocks. We only need black guys with big cocks.

We can take a white guy with a medium cock, but we can't take a black guy. Why bother getting fucked by a black guy if the guy's got a medium cock? You see what I'm saying? I think they're discriminated against. So I think we think the only huge cock we've seen is in porn. It's on black guys. They won't let average-sized cocked black men in, and I dream of a future where my children can watch pornography

and see black guys with medium-sized cocks, you know, balls deep, and junkie coked-up blondes. Hear, hear. Yeah. That's a future to wish for. Yeah. Do you remember, you were talking about Ricky Rackman earlier, do you remember the Conway and Steckler show?

Mm-hmm. That was a great show, right? Yeah, I loved Conway and Steckler, yeah. And didn't Ricky Rackman punch Steckler, Steckler that was a great show right yeah i love conway and stackler yeah and uh didn't ricky rackman punch steckler stackler the old oh yeah i think he did because stackler used to like mock his show they would make fun of his show i think i did yes he had like the triple r ricky rackman radio or something like that and there was a lot of that back in the day like way back in the day when uh Kimmel was when we were doing mornings not me and him but on Kevin and Bean and he was

making fun of somebody uh this guy this guy came into the studio and just started choking him whoa like I could literally just try to throttle him for no reason just he heard him on the air like you know the thing about radio is it was real time and it was back in the day and i've i'd had situations where i'd like said you know david arqu Arquette's nuts. He's insane. I think he should be institutionalized and shit like that. And then like walked out of the studio during a commercial break and David Arquette is standing there going, I was driving home from the Lakers game on the 10 freeway. I was listening to the love line.

I heard you call me insane. Then when Dr. Drew said, aren't you worried he's going to come over here and punch you, you laughed and said, aren't you worried he's going to come over here and punch you, you laughed and said, he's too nuts. He couldn't find this place. And literally told his driver to pull over, get off the freeway and drove right to us. He was literally standing there. Was he mad or was he laughing? He was both, which I've had a few times. It's just an insane thing. Both, which I've had a few times. It's just an insane thing.

It's like you pick a random celebrity, talk about how nutty you think they are, and then 10 minutes later open that door and they're standing there. Yeah, I've always worried that I run into Stephen Dorff and I have to explain that I was only joking about his fucking commercial. I don't really hate you, dude. Yeah, those dorky commercials. But you know they're dorky, man. If they weren't your commercials, you'd be mocking them too. Cut the shit.

I liked him in Blade. He was awesome in Blade. I've had, listen, you know, the idea that, first off, I don't know how you are, but people send me shit all the time. They're like, oh, uh andy kindler talking all kinds of shit about you calling you hitler and this that and the other like here's a here's a link you know listen to it and i just go why do i need to go to a link where someone is talking shit about me like i'm not interested in that right i i Most people have a morbid curiosity about it.

I'm sure that there are plenty of people that call me an asshole or who think I'm an asshole or both. I'm not interested in stopping them from doing it or curing them of that problem. I don't know how you feel like i don't i don't seek anything out about myself because i know with a ratio of 10 positive things to one shitty thing and if the one shitty thing is going to fuck your day up don't bother you know doing putting your name in the google search and seeing what's coming up but i assume people are saying shitty things about me all the time well some most certainly will especially if you're out in the public eye and it's definitely a good idea i think i agree with you 100 don't go searching negative shit

about yourself it's just it's not fun it's not but david arquette was in his car right so he just heard you it's kind of funny what he did. It was funny. Yeah, no, it was perfect because we were in Culver City. You have to sort of know the lay of the land out here. We were in Culver City. He had gone to a Lakers game, I guess at the Staples Center. He was driving back to where him and Courtney Cox live in Malibu. He had a town car.

The Lakers game ended at 10 o'clock, and Loveline started at 10 o'clock. He was in his town car at 1020 driving past. Culver City was a block away from the 10 freeway and he's he's listening to loveline and he's telling his driver get off here turn off right now turn off right now and turn left and i'll be at the studio and there he was that's hilarious yeah so how did you guys end it did it get weird no so he laughed at at some point in time there was laughter yes yes that's good yes it did not end in a violent he's got to know he comes off like a fucking nut that's part of his shtick right isn't it of a guy who you know like half of his thing is talking about how fucking crazy his life is and he knows he comes off kind of crazy i i don't get i mean i've had this happen

a few times where i've like said well this person's nuts and then it's like oh they're pissed off you call them nuts and it's like it's marilyn manson like how do you think they're perceived you know what i mean andy dick got mad at me for talking about how crazy he was on the set of news radio you know he's andy you're you're that's you like that's what the whole thing that you've put out there you put out that you're crazy right hilarious guy but he's clearly nuts and not only that but there's you know files and files and files and you know whatever municipality police department there is of you doing things that were clearly a behavior that would not be considered sane behavior. Right.

I mean, we have a rich history of being nuts. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty cheap. Why not just own it? Own it. But, you know, I think he's one of those guys that's like constantly in a rebirthing process. Constantly like, this is it.

Every time I run into him, he's like, that's it. I'm sober. I'm done. Now I'm done. I'm done. Right. Right. The last time I ran into him, he was sober and he said he couldn't promise he would stay sober.

Right. I'm like, wow, you should never be able to say that. Because if you can't convince yourself, it's never going to happen. It's too bad, too, because I always think of him as a very talented dude who just has so many inner whatever's going on that he's never fully able to realize that talent because of all the other extraneous, external sort of things that are going on inside of him. On the other hand, you kind of go, well, that is who he is i mean that is why we know of him but you wonder and you think you know what does the future hold you know what all that stuff is it's it's like it's like a chick it's like it's great being drunk and crazy and stupid and hot and 25 but at a certain point you're

going to turn 50 what is that like at that point? Yeah. Well, I think Andy was brilliant on news radio. One of the reasons why is because he was more reined in. It was his first big gig. He was NBC. He couldn't get too nutty. They were writing for him.

They were brilliant writers. They knew how to craft something for him. But I agree. He's a very talented guy. But one of the reasons why he's so funny is most likely in response to those demons like there's sure there's there's a you know there's a yin and yang to everything and there there's something that makes him that way and whatever it is he doesn't always have a good grip on it no but it'd be it'd be nice because he's a nice guy and he's a talented guy and he's a talented guy.

Yes, he's definitely a nice guy and a talented guy. He's just fucking crazy. Yeah, okay. What are you going to do? We live in a crazy place. Last time I spoke to you, you were thinking about getting out of here. We were talking about Seattle. Yeah.

But you were saying it's just too rainy because you like cars. Yeah. Have you given any thought to escaping from L.A.? I've, you know.? It's funny. I travel so much I almost feel like I don't live here anyway. It's tough because I'm so ensconced in this podcasting world and production world and working on all these various projects independent films working on paul newman racing documentary and all that kind of stuff and like to go out and race my

cars and all that kind of stuff and it just seems almost impossible to do somewhere else but then you go to these other places and you see how people interact and you think, God, we don't have that in L.A. at all. Well, we have a little bit of it in L.A., but L.A. inexorably is framed by show business. Right. It's just that's what it is. And there's so many people that even if they don't have a job in show business, at one point in time had show biz aspirations. Yes. And you and I are both in show biz, so I'm not knocking people that are doing what we do. What I'm saying is that the majority of people who want to do it, a lot of times they do

it from a deficit. They do it because they need attention. They need validation. They need something. And it could matter. I mean, that's where I came from for sure, but it manifested itself in a good way. It manifested itself in a career and a life and an understanding of myself by working and creating things. Did you feel you needed validation? I'm sure I did. I mean, I'm sure that's why I got into martial arts. I'm sure that's why I got into comedy. And also,

it was an alternative career path for me because that's the only way I was ever going to have a career. There's no way I was going to have a normal career. I was just way too ADD and way too crazy to be sitting in some sort of a fucking cubicle, having some sort of a job in an office. It was like I would literally feel like a rat in a cage. I would go crazy. I would never be able to pull it off. So I knew it was going to have to be something alternative, something outside the norm. I was just raised to nuts.

And I did martial arts. All I did was from age 15 to 21 was compete in martial arts tournaments. So my reality was so fucked compared to a regular person. It's like the assimilation had never taken hold. I was in big trouble if I didn't find something like stand-up comedy. But I think a lot of the people that come here, they come here with something like that. Like there's some reason why they've chosen this. But a lot of them are trying to define themselves through their success, and they're trying to be somebody. And to be around a lot of people like that, it's fucking

exhausting. Some of them are great. All my friends live here that's the thing that keeps me here guys like joey diaz and eddie bravo and all these pals that i've had for decades they're all here so it'd make it less less enjoyable if i live somewhere else well you know what i was saying when you go and you travel somewhere and you go into a restaurant, the waiter, the waitress, the bartender, that's what they do for a living. And they've made their peace with that. And maybe they're even proud of it. And maybe they've found some skill in it. And that's what they do. Here, the waiter, the waitress, the bartender, that's not what they want to do this is only what they're

doing temporarily until they can get some gig on a reality show or whatever it is and obviously it's their work suffers because you have a lot of people that are passing through. You know, I feel like L.A. is one of the trashiest towns in the world because people, certainly in the United States, Hollywood physically is a very trashy town. Trashy in what way? Trash on the ground. Oh, okay. Literally.

Literally, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of graffiti a lot of weeds growing everywhere just a lot of just kind of garbage like right when you go to phoenix it doesn't look like that that's a good point you go to seattle it doesn't look like that why is that well to me la is a bunch of people who are treating their city like you treat a rental car treating their city like you treat a rental car you know you treat your car one way that's your car the rental car and listen do you want to light up a cigarette or eat some fast food or and spilling a slurpee or something it's like so be it you know that's kind of how they feel and it's funny it's interesting la is one of the only towns, like, if you go to Chicago and you go,

hey, man, this town's a piece of shit, people will go like, fuck you. First off, get the fuck out of here. And secondly, we're going to throw down, and are you kidding, the bars, the nightlife, the river, the skyline, fuck the bears, the cubs, Wrigley. Fuck you. You go to L.A. and go, L.A. is a piece of shit. You got a lot of people going, yeah, I know, sorry, I know. What are you going to do?

There's too many people here. That's another reason why it's too hectic. It's just the numbers are too crazy. New York is not that funny either in a lot of ways. Last time I went through New York, I went through security, and the woman at TSA was so hostile. I know. In a way that you very rarely see in L.A. or anywhere else.

I was like, this is just a person who deals with too many human beings. Yes. I didn't say anything to you that's rude. Like, why? No, I know. I know. Did you ever think, Joe, as a kid, you know, as a kid, you thought about being an adult and you thought, well, once I'm an adult, I'm going to be, I'm going to be a man and I'm going to be treated a certain way. And, you know, kids will have to listen to me. I'll be someone's dad. I'll be the boss.

I'm not saying I'm going to be Donald Trump. What I'm saying is you'll be adult. You'll be a man. Did you ever think that people were going to do a super sing-songy, condescending thing to you as an adult male going, sir, take all the change out of your pockets. Completely empty the pockets. That means chapstick.

That means change. Keys, pocket knives, anything, combs, wallets. Sir, is your belt on, sir? Sir, take your belt off. Sir, your belt, like, did you ever think you were going to have semi-retarded 28-year-olds with fucking GEDs talk to you in a real condescending, sing-songy voice when you became a man and an adult?

I can't believe it. I can't believe it every time it happens. It's so annoying and so stupid. And I understand that some people have never flown before and they need to be told all these things. You should be able to wear like a green sticker with a star on it. Right. I've been here before.

Don't talk to me, dummy. Right. Oh, sir, you've flown before? Here you go, Mr. Crowell. Put this on your shirt. They're not allowed to talk to you at TSA. I flight i was on a southwest flight yesterday this is a non-smoking flight it is 100 non-smoking is prohibited to smoke on this flight uh no smoking the lavatory will not be tolerated tampering with disabling or destroying the lavatory smoke detects like hey cunt we get it no smoking it's not her fault though they have you said it 28

fucking times i turned to the person next to me and i said we have covered 14 versions of no smoking on this flight by the way you can say no smoking on this flight. By the way, you can say no smoking on this flight, and that to me doesn't mean, well, you didn't say I couldn't smoke in the bathroom. That means no smoking. We understand. It's 2014. Or you could just say including in the bathroom, and you're done. Say no smoking on this airplane.

How about that? But anyway, it's funny. I turned to the guy next to me and I said, this bitch did five laps on smoking. But when it came to the oxygen part on the mask, we only did one lap on that. So it's like the no smoking, no shit Sherlock thing. I got fucking 10 minutes of sing-songy bullshit on that. The part where there could be an actual emergency and I needed to breathe out of this thing, she blew right past that part.

And I thought, well, where's your priorities? Well, those people, again, they meet too many fucking people. Yes. There's just too much going on. They don't value that interaction. It's not a special interaction. Right.

They're saying it for the 500,000th time. The lady in New York, I gave her, I was with my family, and I gave her my ID, my wife's ID, and we had our daughters with us. We gave their tickets. So I gave her like four tickets, or five tickets and two licenses. And so she looks at it, she goes, I don't know who's who. I don't know what goes where. Right.

And I said, whoa, whoa. I go, why are you being hostile? She goes, this isn't hostile. If who. I don't know what goes where. Right. And I said, whoa, whoa. I go, why are you being hostile? She goes, this isn't hostile. If you want to see hostile, I'll show you hostile. You do. And I go, I would love to see hostile. Show me hostile. Mm-hmm.

And then she just. Your Jewish accent is horrible, by the way. Yeah. Go ahead. I'm just trying to be diplomatic. Yeah, I understand. Yeah, no, I know. I know.

But the hostile thing. I mean, I was like, wow, this is crazy talk. Like, are you, what are you doing? Is this because you're, like, a badass? Or is it because you're at a position of power? Like, why the fuck do you think you can say that's unhostile if you want to see hostile? What makes you think you're not going to get brained right now? Are you fucking crazy?

Like, you're talking shitty to a person for no reason, saying, I'll show you hostile. Like you're talking shitty to a person for no reason saying I'll show you hostile. Also, it needs to be these folks, whether it's TSA or LAPD or whoever, these folks need to be reminded who the fuck they work for. They work for us. Someone needs to tell them they work for us we're not working for them they work for the tsa and the tsa is the government and the government thinks it's separate from us right i should point out too that most of the time that never happens most of the time i go there how you doing good morning how you doing today everything's good how you doing and everything's fine 99.99999 but new york is the place where I've found more hostility

Dealing with those people than anywhere Yeah, LA is probably second But not that bad When you travel through Oklahoma How you doing? How y'all doing? Texas is great too Have a safe flight Yeah, it's a totally different vibe

They just seem disinterested in LA But they don't seem hostile I've never encountered hostility in LA No, it's aloof and sort of distant, and it's this thing where they look at your... You have an exchange with another human being, and they don't punctuate it with an ending remark. So you hand them your ID, you hand them their boarding pass they look at the thing they look at you they look at the thing they make their led zeppelin band member mark on the fucking thing which i'm sure means nothing to anybody they have a highlighter and they make their weird mark on

there and then they look down again and then they hand it to you and then you walk away but they don't say enjoy your flight right you go to oklahoma they say enjoy your flight in la you don't even know what they wrote in your ticket like this might be bad the the check is underwear i don't think they know what they wrote on the ticket they're writing their name down it's their sign i'm telling the fifth member led zeppelin and if the guy gets through and he's got a fake id maybe maybe they get in trouble. Like, look at this fucking ID. How did you not notice this fake ID? It's got your signature on the ticket.

That's what it is. It's your mark. Your little script. Zozo or whatever it is. You know, they're very official with people. Like, sir, here, please put your things in the bin. Take your keys out of your wallet. They stick with official, but sometimes they'll break.

And in L.A., they broke pattern. They were talking about a basketball game. And these three guys, the guy who was working the x-ray machine and then the two guards, one of them that's in front of the people thing where the people x-ray go through, and then the other one was on the other side watching the rollers. And they're all going back and forth about, oh, Kobe, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and this and that. And he ain't got no free throw shot.

He ain't got no three. What are you going to do with this? And then back to, sir, take your key phones out of your pocket. Like, wait a minute. What are you talking about? Take my keys out of my pocket. Like, you guys aren't professional. I just saw all that.

The veil has been removed. You guys are regular people. I had the part where I had the guy, and it always drives me nuts. I don't like when they say for me like i don't mind when they go could you fasten your seat belt sir or could you you know take your keys out of your out of your pocket put in the tray but i don't like when they go for me you find a seat belt for me i had a guy when i was traveling through Burbank, he needed to take the wand to me. So he said, could you go ahead and turn around for me, sir? And I started to turn around and he went real

quick. And I was like, first off real quick, like I'm, I'm halfway into turning around. So you have about another 0.7 seconds before I arrive at turned around. Number one. Number two, if I did it real quick, you'd probably pepper spray me. He said, could you go ahead and turn around for me real quick? And I just fucking flew around like I was throwing a crescent kick or something. He'd fucking tackle me. So I don't want to do it real quick. They don't mean that, though. No, they're making extra talk.

Well, yeah, real quick always means like it ain't gonna be a big deal to you i always see it as like yeah this one won't take much of your time mr carolla you turn around real quick no you know you know what i've real you know what i realized i realized a long time ago that cops and security guards do filler talk and they do filler talk so that you won't talk to them so if a cop pulls you over and goes uh license and id please uh a license and registration please and then just sits there you'll start going hey man what what what would i do or i was just keeping up the flow of traffic i wrote it but instead they always come up and they go sir what i'm gonna need you to do for me right now is go ahead and get your license and registration out for me okay right now and meanwhile they're doing this kind of patter

that doesn't mean anything what i'm gonna need you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license. That doesn't mean anything other than license and registration. They keep a nice sort of white noise buzz. I should call it blue noise. It's a noise that cops make that stop you from going, hey, I was just pulling out of my drive. They don't want to hear that bullshit. So they just keep that low-grade talk going because it's only the cops that do the for me right now

and a lot of preamble into what I'm going to have to ask you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license and okay right now. Do you ever speak that way to anybody? I mean, if I wanted you to pass me the salt, would I go, Joe, what I'm going to have to go ahead and do is ask you to pass me the salt okay right now? Or would I just say pass me the salt? I feel like I can't hang out with Adam anymore.

It's just too many words. Low-grade cop talk. Yeah. I'm convinced they talk so you don't go, what? Why am I turning around? What's this mean? I didn't do anything. Yeah, most likely.

I mean, people, I'm very sympathetic to cops, first of all, because I know a lot of good cops. I know a lot of cops that I like, guys from martial arts. Right. And I also know that you got to cut people a certain amount of slack when all day, every day, they're dealing with people that are lying to them. Right. Dealing with douchebags, dealing with violent people, dealing with people committing crimes. I mean, they have, cops have like one of the worst fucking focus groups ever to pick from.

Like, if you ask a cop, like, what's a human being like? Oh, let me tell you what I experience at my job. You know, and ask someone who's a massage therapist, what's a human being like? Oh, let me tell you what I experienced at my job. You know, and ask someone who's a massage therapist, what's a human being like? Oh, they seem pleasant. You know, sometimes they're tense. I know. Listen, my sister worked at a hair salon in Silver Lake in the 80s on Hyperion Boulevard. It's like the gayest section of los angeles and i said to her many years ago i

said what percentage of guys you think are gay and she's like 80 of all guys everywhere gay she wasn't great at math but in her world it was 115 were gay So I think she knocked off like 35%, went rounded down to 80. Well, that's her world. Yeah. In her world, everyone is gay. That's a great analogy. And it's that with cops.

Like what percentage of people are assholes? Oh, 90%? Yeah. You know, because that's who they're dealing with versus massage therapists. But I always had this feeling. I don't always always always said that you know cop suicides are always really yeah very high very high yeah stress but but you know here's here's my theory it's kind of my black cock and porn theory i i have a feeling

that if i walked around and had a gun on me at all times, I would have killed myself 15 times by now. Really? Yeah. I just feel like if you put a gun on a guy's hip, most guys, guys that have that feeling of your girlfriend dumped me. feeling of your girlfriend dumped me. Literally, you walked into your apartment and saw your best buddy balls deep in your girlfriend, and then you walked out back to the car and just fucking sat there with that thousand-yard stare, and they realized there was a gun on your fucking hip. A lot of guys would have just put it in their mouth.

A lot of guys go back there and shoot the both of them first. Or shoot the both of them, and then put the gun in your mouth. A lot of guys go back there and shoot the both of them first. Or shoot the both of them and then put the gun in your mouth. I'm just saying the modality for killing yourself, being strapped onto your hip 24-7 is going to put the likelihood of you killing yourself. I mean, what have you just said? Here's what a guy does. Oh, he stands next to the edge of really tall bridges. Those guys would have a much higher likelihood of killing themselves, too, because every fucking time they heard a piece of bad news, a certain percentage of them would step off it, right? A certain percentage.

I think a certain percentage of cops, suicide, you know, everyone talks, oh, it's a stressful job and all what they see in depression, blah, blah, blah. A lot of it is having a suicide machine strapped to your hip all the fucking time. I've never thought of it that way. It's got to up the ante a little bit, right? Well, certainly. The trigger out, literally, is right there on your hip. By law, even when you're on your days off, that shit's got to be there. By law, even when you're on your days off, that shit's got to be there.

Ooh. Yeah, I guess. I've never thought about killing myself. So I kind of, when I say I relate, I don't. I've always been of the idea that life will eventually get better, as we talked about before. I've never thought, but I've never had a mental depression issue that i have friends who clearly have i have friends that had real deep unquestionable chemical problems and they they cured it through antidepressants but i've never had that so i don't understand that that thought process the the kill yourself thought process but i've seen it enough to know that i wouldn't want everybody to have a gun strapped to their hip. I think you're right. I think a lot

of people would make that fatal mistake. Especially we're talking earlier about being a dude and being 24 and just making really bad snap decisions. Murder would go up for sure, I think. Or maybe eventually it would mellow out. The old adage of a well-armed society is a polite society. Right. But there's that expression. I don't remember who made it, but it's that all you have is a hammer. Everything looks like a nail.

Yeah. If there's no diplomatic solution available because you're carrying a.44 Magnum in your pocket. If there's no diplomatic solution available because you're carrying a 44 Magnum in your pocket. Well, that's my feeling with shit like, you know, I mean, when I was doing the man show, one of the riders got a hold of one of those tasers. It was like electric tasers, not the serious cop ones. A personal size one? I have been hit by one of those serious cop ones, but the personal kind of mail order ones. Right.

He tased every fucking person in the building. How bad was it when he tased you? It's uncomfortable, but it's, you know. It's like, ow! Yeah, that's what it is. But the point is, if you're walking around with pepper spray on your belt, you are going to fucking use that pepper spray at some point. I mean, most people would. Yeah.

It's almost the having it that makes you use it. Right. You know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. And it's that kind of thing where that's, you know, I like the idea of people being able to protect themselves. I also feel like you walk around with a gun strapped to your hip long enough, it's coming out at some point. Whereas you and I don't walk around with a gun, so we'd probably figure out a way other than that to resolve this issue. Well, it certainly takes a deep responsibility. You have to have a deep understanding of the responsibility that you carry, and you carry it around all the time.

This ability to end life like that. Yeah. You're carrying it everywhere you go. And anybody who's been out shooting, and I've been out shooting, to feel what a.44 feels like in your hand and then squeezing off and just the recoil and everything, it's powerful. Unbelievable. You couldn't imagine pointing that at somebody and squeezing the trigger. and the trigger, the people that do that on either side of the badge, the people that do that sort of routinely or cavalierly, you know, the people that do the, I asked the guy for his wallet and he wouldn't give it to me. So I shot him. It's, it seems insane because if you've actually gone down to a range and just felt that power and that responsibility and just the the the recoil

the kickback and the sort of visceral whatever firing off a few rounds from that 44 you couldn't imagine pointing it at somebody and squeezing that trigger well it's kind of interesting. I am 100% for people being allowed to possess firearms. But I also am 100% shocked that more firearm deaths and accidents don't happen. Me too. If you think of the idea that all these people around us, millions of people around us, can legally have guns. And if they legally have guns, what is the how come we're not hearing pow pow pow like guns going off left and right people are retarded like i'm i'm shocked every time i get on the highway and i'm amazed that people can go 70 miles an hour a couple of

feet away from another thing going 70 miles an hour and they don't just fucking slam into each other left and right back and forth it's our constant maze of accidents. Yeah, I know. I think that same way every time I drive, and I think the same way when I hear that there's a gun. However many guns are in circulation in the United States, there's basically one for every citizen that's out there. And we all know about David Arquette or Andy Dick or any other nut job that's out there and we all know about David Arquette or Andy Dick or any other nut job that's out there. You take all the people that are having emotional issues or a little bit off and all the medication that's out there and all the booze that's out there. And then you mix that

with all the guns that are out there. Why do we not step outside of the studio and hear gunfire going off left and right yeah it's it's kind of amazing you think about it and it's also amazing how many fucking people there are out there that are going through problems that keep it together there's a lot of people out there their life is shit and turmoil and they still manage to get to work every day do their fucking job and pull out of the ashes right we concentrate on the people that just go fuck this boom right but how many people think about going fuck this and make it and figure it out and then 10 years later hey 10 years ago my life was in a shambles i was ready to kill myself now look at me i'm happy i'm doing great i've got a family.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Thank God I was thrown out of the police academy. I would have killed myself. Yeah, so whatever it is. Whatever it is that allows people to pull through. I mean, I'm all for it because I think we're all people. I know that you can handle driving a car, and I know that I can handle driving a car. But I also know that some people are going to drive drunk fucked up go 120 miles an hour slam into other people and kill people so if that person exists should we keep that right from everybody no i say no i say people should be

allowed to drive cars until they show that they're a danger driving a car unfortunately there's only one way to do that you got to fuck up somebody else's time. Right. You got to fuck up. And that's the real issue. It's like the amount of actual cars driving in comparison to the amount of fatal accidents is fucking insanely high. Right. Insanely high. I mean, the odds of you driving around and not having a fatal accident are pretty fucking sporty. Right. They're pretty sporty. But when things do go wrong, people automatically look for the most drastic measure.

Like, we got to take guns away from people. We got to pull the guns. We got to Google car everything. No more driving your own car. That's common, Adam Carolla. I know. You're a car nut. That Google car shit, once they get that down, there's going adam carolla i know you're a car nut that google car shit once they get that down there's going to be no reason for you to be able to weave in and out of google

cars and make it to work well you know we i always say we're bizarre society and we should always just work big to small and we don't like you take los angeles we're you know basically last in education our schools are nuts it is nuts and our our schools are failing our kids and then you turn on the news and they say new legislation out of sacramento wanting to ban e-cigarettes. And you're like, sorry, Ethan Hawke, but the point, oh, no, wait. Oh, Stephen Dorff. The point is this. Get those guys confused.

E-cigarettes. Who the fuck cares about e-cigarettes? Now, look, I don't hope that my kids grow up to smoke e-cigarettes, but I don't give a fuck if there's some 45-year-old guy who's trying to get off the butts and is standing outside of his job smoking an e-cigarette and I walk by and get a little fucking water vapor on my scalp. I'm fine with that. I wouldn't give a shit if everyone smoked an e-cigarette, if we could get from 50th in education up into the top 20. I don't know why we have the worst traffic congestion on the planet and the worst schools in, you know, in America. And yet every piece of legislation is surrounded about, you know, uh, fast food workers need to start wearing gloves to handle the food back. You know, I don't give a fuck about that. I don't give a fuck about e-cigarettes.

I don't know who does. I don't know an individual that has ever been harmed by an e-cigarette. I don't know an individual that's ever been harmed by a guy who works at Taco Bell making his fucking burrito by hand. Everything I've eaten in my entire life that's come from a restaurant, some guy made with his hands. I'm fucking fine. What I don't like is the schools being last. Why that's not an issue, I don't know. I don't like both. I don't like dudes with dirty hands making my tacos, and I don't like shitty schools.

Right. But to me, if you give me a choice and I'm in Sacramento, I'm going to focus on the schools. Right. And when I get that settled, then I'm going to focus on the guy who's picking his nose and making my taquito. But obviously the people that are bringing up this e-cigarette thing, it's coming from someone in the health department looking for another thing to do. I mean, it's the only thing that makes sense. It's like some new project to take on.

When you look at the actual effects of the secondhand vapor, it's nonexistent. There's nothing there. There's no data. There's nothing that shows it's dangerous. The other problem, though, is those big fucking cannons that these dudes are carrying around. People are carrying around these big, giant electric, like Brian Redband had one.

And he was blowing it in here. And I'm like, I'm breathing in that stuff. Like, that's not the same as like one of those blue e-cigs. Right. All those things are not created equal, I don't think. But think about what you're breathing in when a guy's got a leaf blower going in your neighbor's driveway and he's just fucking all the shit that's on the ground all the pesticides everything all the pollen all the dander and all the shit that is vulcanized rubber and cockroach fecal matter when that all goes

fucking airborne and now you're taking your dog or your kid for a walk up the street, what do you think that's like? And what's it like when you're walking down a busy sidewalk in downtown LA and a big municipal bus goes blowing by at 40 miles an hour and whatever's getting kicked up and coming off of that? I'll take a fucking e-cigarette any day. Another thing to think about is brake dust. People don't think about brake dust. Oh, yeah. Brake dust is real. Everywhere around you, everywhere you go when you see traffic, you have brake dust that's in the air.

People are hitting their brakes. The brakes are disintegrating. It's all over the wheels. Whenever you clean your car, you know this. You clean your wheel and you see all that black powder. Well, that shit's not just stuck to your wheel. It's in the air. And people who live near highways, they're breathing that stuff in all fucking day.

By the way, the biggest manufacturer of brake pads is called Ray Bestos. Oh, no. What a terrible name. I think they were around before asbestos was as bad as it is, but Ray Bestos. Were they really? They were brake pad manufacturers around before asbestos? Well, no. Before asbestos was bad. Oh, before it was bad.

And I think Ray's Bestos, I mean, you got to look it up on your computer, but I think it probably had asbestos in it. I mean, because there's a ton of heat generated by the brakes. Right. That makes sense. It's a composite. And it needs to be something that is going to be heat resistant and, you know, not wear off. It's not a chunk of rubber. Yeah, yeah.

Huh, that's interesting. It's interesting, too, that they haven't figured out anything better for a brake than a piston that slams a pad against a piece of steel that's next to your wheel. It fucking gives you friction. Yeah. Incredible amounts of friction. Slow that motherfucker down. I mean, that's what they figured out for brakes. It would fucking give you friction. Yeah. Incredible amounts of friction. Slow that motherfucker down. I mean, that's what they figured out for brakes.

I just got back from a vintage race last weekend, and I drove an old Datsun, and the brakes in the old Datsun, although they don't work nearly as good as the one in the new car, it's the exact same thing. It's a piston. It's a pad. Pushes down. It's a piston. It's a pad. Pushes down. Hits a rotor. Squeezes it.

Creates friction. And that's that. Now, you know, but the steering wheel and the wheels and the internal combustion engine haven't changed. Not much. Either. I mean, it's all the rear end and the transmission. It's all a thousand times better in a new car than it is in one of these old race cars. But it's still just same old, same old.

And the electronic suspensions, too. The suspensions nowadays with stability management systems and traction control and all the different calculations the car is making as you're driving. Oh, I was driving my wife's Audi and it applied the brake for me why because I was driving like a dick so it started slowing you down no it said you're going to t-bone the car that's ahead of you like you're gonna go up the ass of the car in front of you and I'm like I know what I'm doing that's how I drive you know and it's like well according to our data, you're going to hit this guy. I'd just picked up my foot to put it on the brake pedal and it popped out of my foot and depressed for me. Wow.

So what the thing basically said was, you know, I was doing a show at like the Irvine Improv, all the fucking traffic, you know, between here and there. And, you know, I had to be there at 8 o'clock or whatever. And I was trying to make some time just driving down the Hollywood Freeway. And so I was on it when there was a little opening and then brake lights. And this thing broke for me. Wow. And because I do a lot of driving, I'm used to just doing it on my own you know did you um see that controversy about that um that uh reporter what was the name jeremy cahill what the fuck was his name who died

who uh was uh he exposed um a bunch of shit about uh general petraeus and some other generals, and he was just generally a rabble-rouser type reporter. And he was constantly worried that he was going to get killed, constantly talking to people that were saying they were going to kill him. And then one day, like 4 o'clock in the morning, driving down Sunset, goes like 100 miles an hour into a tree with no evidence that he tried to slow down or stop. The engine goes flying from the car like it was an explosion. Oh, yeah. Into a tree. Right. With no evidence that he tried to slow down or stop. Right. The engine goes flying from the car like it was explosion. Yeah.

Michael Hastings. Michael Hastings. That's his name. Yeah. Yeah. I do remember that story. Yeah. And, you know, I just.

Kind of went away, didn't it? Well, the thing is, everything just kind of goes away now because. There's so much. There's so much.'s so much and everyone is broken off you know i don't know i don't know if we could have another watergate you know because there's just too many people that are into their shit and there there's you know there used to be three news outlets you know the three networks, whatever, the Evening News, Walter Cronkite, whatever. Now there's just so many outlets, so many stories, and so much that needs to feed that machine.

24-hour news stations, outlets, you've got to to keep that shit, you got to keep those plates spinning. And our attention span is just not long enough. Yeah, there's always some new Malaysian airliner thing. Right, and we just don't care. Yeah. And, I mean, ultimately, we're sort of narcissists. But then, secondly, there's just something new to replace something every day, all day. And there's nothing that they just, nothing can hold our attention.

I mean, I was very young, but I remember Watergate and I remember that was it. That's all anybody talked about was Watergate, Watergate and Watergate. That, that, that's what happened. That's what was happening. Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know if we're going to have that ability anymore. September 11th is probably the closest thing. Yeah, I mean, you're going to have to have something on that scale.

And even then, there's going to be a certain and a fairly large segment of society that's still getting caught up on Honey Boo Boo and doesn't give a shit about the tower and may not even know about it. And September 11th was also, you think about the time of 2001 as compared to the time now, the internet, the use of the internet, the spread of information, wasn't even close to being the same thing. Absolutely not. Just the sheer volume of fucking stories that you get every day that you have to sift through. Interesting, non-interesting, ridiculous, baffling, animal

attacks, explosions, poisonings, oil leaks, Jesus fucking Christ, another plane crash, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It never ends. And I don't know, you know, I don't know how much of this we're So I don't know how much of this we're geared to or supposed to ingest and digest. Like, I don't know as human beings. I know we haven't changed biologically that much in the past several hundred years, but yet things have changed a lot. Thousands of years. We're very, very, very similar to the people that live 50,000 years ago. Right. But yet you're holding a device in your hand that has more computing power than the first

Gemini rocket launch. So what are we supposed to do with that, that information and how are we supposed to process it? And when does it become detrimental? Like, where are we supposed to be somewhere processing information all the time? I mean, I'll give you a, I was just saying this, but I found it sort of interesting. I was doing this vintage car race. So I was out to dinner after the race with a guy who owns an airline, not a big one, like a medium sized one. And I said, geez, man, what, what went on with that seven, seven, seven, a Malaysian plane, you know, like you're, you own an airline. What do you think? And he said, yeah, I don't know. And I said, can you just, can you dismantle or, or make those course, uh, transponders on those

seven, seven, sevens dysfunctional? Can you, can you just flip a switch or have to pull a fuse or breaker or something like that and he said it was about seven o'clock we were just sitting there and some mexican food joint uh outside of the track at laguna seca in uh northern california and he said uh hold on let me let me hit my guy now his guy is when you run an airline, you have to have like a chief engineer or something like that. It basically tells you all the specs on the planes and the ins and outs and how many hours engines have on them and what tires to get all got to have a couple of those guys. Right. So he said, let me hit my guy. So he just picked up his phone. You know, he didn't get up and leave or anything. He just picked up his phone you know he didn't get up and leave or anything he just picked up his phone and he texted this dude you know and now i didn't think about it till

later but this was saturday night at 7 30 at night well his dude was probably eating dinner with his family maybe he's fucking his girlfriend or maybe he's out to dinner with his wife. But now his little device starts buzzing and his little device. It's the boss man on his device. He can't get back to him on Monday. The boss man just asked him a question. And now he's got to find out how you dismantle a beacon on a 777. Now, I don't know if he knows it or he's got to go look it up. But either way, if this guy's sitting with his kids or sitting with his wife or fucking

his mistress, he's got to go, oh, shit, I got to figure this shit out and give this guy an answer now because Cause he's the boss. And he just asked me, fuck that. It's Saturday night. Right. Fuck that. It's the weekend.

And I'm with my family. Uh, I got to know. And this guy probably had a little anxiety and this guy probably thought, eh, I'll get back to him Monday. And then thought, oh fuck,

I don't want to do that. I better get back with him now. He probably wants to know now. And this guy probably had to get up and go somewhere, hop on a computer, do something, figure out the whatever. And then he had to go write this guy back on a Saturday night. Well, that's how we're living now. And I don't think it's good. That aspect of it, I agree with you. that's that's pretty rare i think also the amount of numbers that are coming in uh i think we're eventually going to adapt i think human beings have a thing called dunbar's number you wear that you can only keep about 150 relationships 150 friendships 150 people you know by name and face after that shit starts getting weird and i'm

sure you've encountered that you you meet people and they go, hey, it was great when I met you before. We had a good time, remember? And you're like, what? I don't remember you. There's no room. You have no room in your hard drive. Because we're not really designed to meet a million people over the course of a life,

which you very well have probably met a million people. The average person doesn't get to do that. In a tribal situation 50,000 years ago, we carry those same genetics today. And I think that is also, that also applies to dealing with danger and the idea of hearing about news because news and danger usually affects you. But when that news and danger is a plane halfway around the world, it becomes a sort of a weird abstract thing. And you're getting all these abstract negative

things that are happening all the time. Every fucking point of the globe sends you its worst news. Oh, we found a new serial killer who only eats babies. Well, we found a fucking guy who's been living in the woods. And, you know, we found this. We found that. Everything that's fucked up. Everything terrible. And it all comes into your head.

And you have to, at this point in our lives, you have to filter it. If you don't filter it, you will truly go insane. Like your biology can't manage it. You're not designed for it. It's not a normal thing. It's not new, and we haven't adapted yet. So you better manage it. You better like make a conscious decision to manage it,

or it'll fucking move your life in the way it wants to. It'll change your thought patterns, change your perceptions of the world. it wants to it'll change your thought patterns change your perceptions of the world and based on an insane number of seven billion human beings unusual events seven billion which is seven thousand million human beings problems right that's too many you're supposed to deal with 150 that's why you have this number the dunbar's number that's in your fucking head 150 that's it not 7 billion that's fucking crazy so that change has been so radical and so quick there's no way our biology right now is caught up to it but i bet future generations will have some sort of an alteration in their ability to either absorb massive amounts of information or some sort of a change in the way we process that information.

Right, right. And we're just like the guinea pigs. And we see how much medication and how much we can all freak out over what's going on. And it's true. And I feel the same way. I just feel inundated and overwhelmed and like there's so much coming at me at once, constantly.

Well, if you think about language, when language burst onto the picture, when people started communicating with each other in recognizable sounds, almost immediately people started explaining their problems and they started commiserating and started figuring each other out. And from there there from that point on the world got way more complicated it wasn't just do what you feel and and following instincts and make grunts like where a tiger is like right you're actually communicating you're complaining you're whining you're expressing your your fears for the future we have to create gods we have to create the reason why the lightning comes down. I mean, things exponentially changed. It wasn't like all of a sudden human beings were different. No, human beings were the same, but now all this new information is coming in and as they're developing this thing called language. I think we're at a very similar place

right now. And the changes between us of today and what we will be a thousand years from now were probably just as radical as the changes of non-speaking hominids to speaking hominids. Well, that's very interesting. And I agree, and I've always just thought about what are the long-term effects of sort of having everything at your fingertips constantly. of sort of having everything at your fingertips constantly. You know, I always say when I grew up and I wanted to see The Grinch That Stole Christmas, that came on ABC at 8 o'clock on December 13th, and you had to wait.

You could not see it before then. And by the way, you couldn't see it after then either. If you were, you know, in the kitchen and the commercial break was over you had to fucking sprint your little jammies with the feet built in and slide across the floor to see it and it was a kind of a foreplay and now if my kids want to see the Grinch that stole Christmas they can see it in July on blu-ray but I don't think it means shit to them even better they can see it on iTunes instantly on the iPad sitting in the living room. Bip, bip, bip, boom, it starts playing. Or in the headrest of Mommy's SUV.

Instantaneously. Right. Are they happier because of that? I don't think they are. If you were to ask me, would you like to see the grinch that stole christmas whenever you wanted in the headrest of mommy's car i would have said yes but i don't think i would have been happier because all it does is speed you up changes your expectation level and then every once in a blue moon when you don't get to see whatever it is you want to see exactly the same time i mean

you then you're pissed off yeah and and i you know my kids are probably going to be walking around at age 25 going hey man i want to see fast and furious 129 and someone's going to go well it doesn't come out for four months oh that's such bullshit fucking go get it would you and put it in my box I want to watch it on my phone I want to watch it in my head I just want to close my eyes And they go it's not done Fuck that this is such bullshit

Have you seen this new story that came out today The picture that Jamie put up earlier That by 2030 they're going to have Mind to mind thought talking Wow And this is something that I've been Bringing up for a while, that I think that human beings, like the interface of sounds, like using sounds and even using language,

is a temporary thing. I think there's going to come a point in time where you're going to be able to read intent. I'm going to be able to understand what's going on in your head. The same way when you have thoughts in your head, when you have ideas, you're not doing it with a language. You're not expressing're not doing it with a language. You're not expressing your thoughts to yourself with a language. Very rarely do I say, well, it's about time to pull yourself by your bootstraps and get back to work. I just have a feeling in my head that represents those words. Yeah.

And I've had that exact same thing happen to me during like heavy duty psychedelic experiences. had that exact same thing happen to me during like heavy duty psychedelic experiences i've had something relay information to me in the form of intent instead of in words i think that ultimately like in having experienced it in a psychedelic state like uh on dimethyltryptamine or on mushrooms i think that's probably what you would experience when they figure out this sort of technology like i'll be able to read your intent, and it will be free of language. Like, the signals that are going on inside your mind, you'll be able to distribute those to other people. All right.

So do you know I have to piss really bad? Do you? Go ahead and piss, man. No, I'm kidding. No, it's already incredibly interesting to me that you can take amputees that are cut off at the elbow, strap on, uh, you know, robotic prosthetic, whatever, and their brain is able to tell it, you know, to pick up, uh, a grape lightly enough not to squash it or pick up a pencil hard enough to hold it in their hand and which fingers and digits to move just from the brain to a severed limb and get that thing to function.

I mean, obviously, that's your brain communicating with something without language. To me, the leap between making your brain communicate with animatronic digits that are moving around and unscrewing mayonnaise jars or picking up pencils or holding your child, that's not a very big leap. Not at all. To get from moving that hand around using your thought versus communicating that way. Yeah, no, I agree. I think it's just a matter of time. Like this thing says 2030, that sounds totally normal to me. I mean, especially when you consider the exponential pace that these things improve in. I was at a company in San Francisco for the sci-fi show that I did where we put on this

headgear and you control a remote controlled helicopter with your mind, with your thoughts, like your intent moves this thing keep it i was able to like have it hover in the air for a little bit but apparently once you get good at it you can actually move it down the hallway and park it someplace and i mean it's it's fucking bananas you're you're piloting a really crude remote control vehicle with your thoughts right and it's a matter of time before they figure out how... You're going to have fucking robots flying around your house, fetching you coffee. You're going to look at your robot,

your little flying fucking helicopter robot coffee maker, and you're going to say, go make me some coffee, stupid. And it's going to fly off and make you coffee and come back and give it to you. You'll be able to do all this with your mind. You're not going to say it. No, you're just going to think it.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, the drones are already stepping up. A lot of it is computers versus batteries. You know, it's batteries that were bricks just 10 years ago. I mean, batteries were just huge bricks, and now they're the size of quarters, and they're producing the same power because all this stuff needs to be propelled by something you know there needs to be a system that powers it up and i know even though it sounds corny i used to fly remote control airplanes and they had electric ones and the

problem with the electric ones is the battery was literally a brick and it's hard to fly a little styrofoam plane with a brick in the middle of it and now most all of them are electric just because of the cell phone technology and the battery that has been shrunk and lightened to the point where it's nothing anymore yeah it's amazing what they can do too with the the algorithms that they have and they're in their operating system for power management. You could take an iPad and you can watch five fucking movies on a flight and it doesn't run out of juice. You're watching a fairly big screen and all these images are being processed.

It's constantly moving around. You watch a whole fucking movie and then you look at your battery and it's barely budged. This is incredible. Well, because there are no more moving parts yeah i mean there used to be conveyor belts and they're powered by rivers with wheels in them and that took a lot of energy and now everything is digital and there's no parts there's no friction there's no you know you don't realize, well, you probably realize, but, you know, whenever you talk about a car, you talk about horsepower, you go, how much is it making to the crank?

And the guy goes, 500 horsepower. And then you go, what's it making to the rear wheels? And you go, oh, it's making about 430, 425, 430, right? All right, that's not bad. Good, maybe we can get some synthetic oil in that rear end and get it up to 431 or whatever it is. But you are scrubbing off all of that inertia and all of that torque and power because it's having to pass through driveshafts and transmissions and differentials, and it's scrubbing it off.

But if all that was digital, then you'd have 500 horsepower at the crank and 500 at the rear wheel. And that's what we're getting now, the digital. Is that what they get with like Teslas? Are they like, is their horsepower at the engine the same as at the wheel? Well, what they're getting and what they're doing now is it's all about torque, and it's instant torque with electric motors. So they're getting that big. That's why the Tesla 0-60 is not much off of, if not the same as your Porsche. Now, your top speed in your Porsche is faster, but the 0-60, it's that kind of golf cart kind of thing. You ever get in a golf cart and the guy hits it, you know, flying off the back. Yeah. I mean, imagine a real car

with four motors on all four wheels. So you get the instant torque immediately, but secondly, and I I've not studied the Tesla that closely, but the motor is connected to the wheel there's no transmission that it's passing through propeller shaft and differentials and things that are scrubbing off inertia have you fucked with those at all teslas i've drove uh i just drove one around once and it's they're quick yeah i mean they're super quick they're really uh my friend aubrey has one and they have a laptop in the middle of it, like essentially. Like it's huge. And he goes, we were going to this gym.

He goes, he said the name of the gym, Navigate to da-da-da. And it just takes you there. I'm like, this is fucking insane. It finds it on Google Maps, gives you the option. You press a button and this huge navigation screen. When you wanted to listen to music, he's like, play The Doors. So all of a sudden, Spotify pulls up all these options for The Doors, when you wanted to listen to music, he's like, play the doors. So all of a sudden, Spotify pulls up all these options for the doors,

break on through to the other side, plus that one, boom, and it starts playing. And it gets it all through the actual computer itself on the car, not even connected to your phone. It's completely independent. All of it uses some sort of, unfortunately, 3G, not 4G connection. Yeah, it's unbelievable. This is going to be a rough transition, but seeing as how I have to go do my podcast pretty quick, on the topic of podcasts, you know, I'm being sued.

Yes. Explain that to people, because it's one of the dumbest fucking lawsuits I've ever heard in my life. But there's people that make a living off of these types of lawsuits, right? Yeah, called patent trolls. They buy up patents and they're lawyers. And it's sort of, I think it's this country at its worst. I really do. They buy patents and then they sue companies saying they're using, stealing, or unlawfully using their technology.

And sometimes when you're buying technology, there's a real good argument to that. Like that technology is a part of this thing that you're selling. And without that technology, which is patented, your technology, what you're selling, would not exist. And I get that part. And I support innovation and people should be paid for for intellectual property and creative ideas but this is a weird one this is what is the exact term that that they have a patent on the exact they have a patent on a playlist yes so online anything in a serial order right right? Right. Like even blogs. Evidently, anything that comes out

on a Monday and then the next one comes out on a Tuesday or this song is above that song and this song is number three and that song is number seven that's what they claim to have dominion over. So if you have a blog and you enter into that blog like

blog entry number one Adam goes to do podcasts to talk about this lawsuit. They could sue you for that. Like they own a piece of that, a serialized message that you're putting on a website. Yes. A numbered message. That's correct. That's insane. Well, it is insane because if it's true, then really everything on the internet's got to go away.

Everything. Could you imagine if they bought up everything on the internet with one sneaky move? Like one sneaky move, one pound. What if the judge says, look, the guy's got a point. He owns everything in serialized form. Well, the problem is I don't think the judge or the jury is going to think they have a point. I don't think the judge or the jury is going to think they have a point. Unfortunately, in order to make our point that they don't have a point, it's going to cost $1.5 million.

Holy shit. Yeah. Holy shit. That's what patent litigation costs. That's what the legal fees are going to be? That's what I've been quoted. Oh, my God. I've been quoted 1.25 to 1.5. Wow. Yeah, I know. That's stunning. I never would have thought it would be that high.

So are they offering- Lawyers get paid a lot. So is that what it is? It's all the lawyers? That's what it is. It's all the lawyers. And that's- How much work do they have to do here? and that's how much work do they have to do here joe for me it's like i first off the i've spent fifty thousand dollars trying to get a change of fucking venue these guys are in eastern texas that's where they set up because eastern texas is famous for friendly to their types of folk yeah to this type of thing, patent troll lawsuits. I don't live in eastern Texas, and my business isn't in eastern Texas, and they don't live in eastern Texas either. That's just where they hung their shingle.

And they hung their shingle specifically because this is a place that's advantageous to do things like this. to do things like this. Well, it's what you would do if you were a company that bought up other people's technology and then tried to sue other businesses and make money off of them. You're going to maximize the possibility of you getting an outcome that's in your favor,

and you'll do it on the moon if you have to. Now, if these people come to you with some sort of a settlement, like if they said, hey, you're using our technology, we would like five bucks a month, like anything along those lines? Yes. Three million dollars. Whoa. And this is because they've won these before, the same company. They got eight million dollars from Apple, right? Yeah. It's unclear what I'm doing with them and what they're doing with me but it's a pretty simple equation which is i just said look all the guys in podcasting

need to kind of band together and we need to fight them and then we need to beat them and then once we beat them then they're beat because they can't go after you or Mark Maron or whoever once we beat them. But if we allow this to just go away, it's not going to. If we say, well, let's just put it aside and, you know, fucking ignore them, then they win. I mean, it's a possibility that they could win. There's no way. Look, when you get sued, you get sued. You got to respond.

There's no way. Look, when you get sued, you get sued. You got to respond. But, you know, let's just say we said, look, you guys obviously haven't done the math on our company. But, you know, it's a business. No one wants to spend the time and the one million plus dollars to fight this thing. You know, take 350000 and please go away, or $500,000, or $100,000, whatever it is. Well, how long before they go to iTunes and they go,

let's see who else is doing okay over here on iTunes. Well, look at Joe Rogan. He's doing all right. Now, last time we did this with Corolla, we got $500K out of him. I wonder what Joe's good for. And all we got to do is do the same thing we did with Corolla. He knows. I mean, we'll let Joe's attorneys coach him up,

but they're going to tell you this is the most expensive kind of litigation. It's going to cost over a million dollars. I mean mean he can go on the internet and look that up do you know who these human beings are behind this do you know the actual human beings uh are you aware of names or faces do you know what they look like no i don't and and i i never think that way like i i just think i understand that we live in a world that is generally decent and that these people probably think of themselves as generally decent. They probably have kids that love them

and a wife that gives them a blowjob on occasion. This is what they do for a living. This is their business. And I think when a guy works at a used RV lot and he's got an RV on that lot, that's worth $4,000 and some elderly couple comes in there and he gets them for 20 grand. He doesn't go home and stare in the mirror and go, wow, I'm a really bad human being. He goes, I'm a fucking great salesman. And I think that's what these guys do. I don't even fault them on a personal level.

Like, they make money from doing this. I understand it. It's not even worth trying to make it a personal issue. I don't feel it's a personal issue. They saw my podcast. I'm actually, in a bizarre way, flattered. They saw my podcast and said, that guy's really doing well for himself.

I can't believe they wanted $3 million. That's insane. That was their first offering. That's stunning. What we're doing is we're getting everyone together and we're going to show them that the podcast community is a lot stronger than they thought that they fucked with the wrong people and i don't mean me i mean everybody and that whether you're a joe rogan fan or adam carolla fan or an npr fan it's all going away if we don't buck up and beat these guys. So we just went to fundanything.com forward slash patent troll, and you can give toward the legal defense fund.

And that's where the money's going. There's a video up there to watch where Adam explains the whole situation and what's going on. And spread this. Spread it on Twitter. Spread it on Facebook. Let everybody know. If you can't donate, at least spread the word and let people know what the fuck is going on. Because yeah, this is a crazy thing. This is a weird byproduct of our society. Right.

I don't like it, but there's nothing we could do about it at this point in time. No, other than this. Other than this. Other than this, yeah. But this is really cool because this could be a seminal moment for podcasting, which is you guys fucked with the wrong guys. We're all grassroots, but we all band together. We all got our little individual little armies, and we all got them united, and we all fought this common cause.

You know what I love about podcasting? That I do think that that's something that fits with the ethic of podcasting. But I also love that podcasting isn't, it's not a competitive thing in that everybody supports everybody else in podcasting. I've never heard of podcast feuds. Like morning DJ guys always fucking hate the other morning DJ guy. Right. And they always talk shit about them but podcasts i i don't know anybody who says like you know oh we would be

fucking doing great if it wasn't for that adam carolla show everybody's watching that stupid that show sucks our podcast is the future that shows for old people fuck up you know that doesn't it doesn't seem to be going on at all. I think the internet, the attitude of the internet is that you're dealing with the world. You're dealing with an infinite amount of people. It's so goddamn big that having that sort of famine mentality that a lot of people have if they are in morning radio in a specific city, you don't need it in the internet and no i listen every i i feel like uh you know the last podcast i did yesterday jay moore and joe coy were both guests on the show and they both have podcasts and 80 of the guests on my show have their own podcast and we promote their podcast on my podcast. Yes. So that's all you need to know, right?

We do the exact same thing. And I'm always telling people, you should do a podcast. Like people that are good guests. I'm like, why don't you do your own podcast? You don't even need a place like this. You need a fucking MP3 recorder and a microphone. That's it. Right.

Upload it online. It takes 10 seconds and boom, you have a fucking podcast. Well, the plan is podcasters unite rally your army and let's beat these guys let's do it we're in we're in 1000 that's not even a real number it's only 100 is possible but we're in that but we'll say a thousand i like your hyperbole i like that you like it so fun anything.com forward slash patent troll. Please go there. If you can't donate, please spread the word so that other people can find out about it that can donate. I get it if you're broke.

I totally understand it. But if you do appreciate podcasting and you do appreciate Adam's show and his network, I mean, he's got a whole network. And then on top of that, everybody else that you know that does podcasts, whether it's Joey Diaz or Ari Shafir or Duncan Trussell, Adam's right. That would all go away if it wasn't for, you know, if we can't figure out a way around this issue. Absolutely. Do it. Do it, ladies and gentlemen. Adam, I just want to tell you that you are one of the reasons why I did this in the first place.

I loved watching you do it and go from regular radio. And I remember doing the first ones when it was on the couch and you had the clip-on microphones and the whole deal was like wow he's got kind of a cool setup here and that was part of what spun the wheels for me to get into this in the first place when you were podcasting what time what year did you start beginning of 09 was it really yeah yeah so I was around slightly after you, slightly after you. Well, listen, I'm flattered, and you can come on out and see the new digs whenever you like. Did you change anything?

Are you even bigger or better now? I'm probably always working on the studio, always trying to improve, and always trying to kind of build the business. Well, it's very cool. It's very cool that it's working. It's very cool to be a part of all this. The podcasting community is a great supportive community. And what you were talking about, about having people on your show that, you know, that have their own podcasts and promoting their podcasts.

I think that's one of the coolest things about this business. It really is. Thanks, Joe. I appreciate it. Adam Carolla, ladies and gentlemen. Follow him on Twitter. And again, go to... What's the website one more time? You can go to adamcarolla.com and find out everything

you need to know. Go to adamcarolla.com and find out everything. Go to rogan.ting.com to find out about Ting. And find out about the iPhone 5 giveaway. Go to rogan.ting.com Fill out the savings calculator. See how much you'd save

using Ting. Tweet how much you'd save to at Joe Rogan with the hashtag Ting and the winner will be announced on Friday, April 4th. U.S. residents only. Thanks also to onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements.

We'll be back in about a half an hour with the great Honey Honey Band. Please, please donate to Adam's Cause. It's all of our cause. Everybody, help out if you can. If you can't help out, please promote it. Thank you very much and see you soon.