The Joe Rogan Experience - #531 - Nick Youssef

Episode Date: August 5, 2014

Nick Youssef is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor. Check out his new album 'STOP NOT OWNING THIS' available on Spotify now!

And what are the comedy dates you got coming up, Brian? This weekend we're going to be in Tampa, Florida. Me and Sam Tripoli. Friday it's Tampa. Saturday it's Jacksonville. And then Sunday is Orlando. And you can go to DeathSquad.TV for tickets. Powerful Florida.

Prepare yourself. Bring penicillin, son. But those are the, that's like up higher, right? Like those are okay? They're the craziest people. The craziest are the ones up high. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Orlando's in the middle. Yeah. Orlando's a good spot. Yeah. You know what? But South Florida's fun too, man. They're fun.

I enjoy doing shows down there. People are crazy. It's a totally different world. It's a completely different world than the rest of America. It really is. Yeah. South Florida's wild. In all the bad ways, like Florida Man, you follow that Florida Man Twitter account?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking great. So, I mean, there's just no denying. I mean, I would like to have someone like Sam Harris, some, like, really rational guy, break down why Florida actually has no more crime. It's just that, for whatever reason, people focus on Florida. But I don't know if that's entirely accurate. The sheer numbers of

idiocy that you get, just the numbers of morons that come out of Florida, it's almost hard to believe. I've watched almost every single episode of Cops, and Florida is always the best episode. That's a great show, by the way. Do you long as a run they

they they re-edited all the old episodes of cops like and like made them HD and edit them real fast and quick now so it's called cops reloaded it's like ridiculous I wonder how much they could do just on Florida oh because they picked out from every episode you could just have cameras running 24 hours a day and hire some editors. Yeah. Just keep the cameras on. You would never go wrong.

I mean, wacky shit happens in Florida. Like, if you were a vice cop in Miami and you had a camera on your car, like, how much... We don't need to do commercials anymore. It's over. We're here. We don't need the music. Fuck it.

But if you were a vice cop and you were in Miami and they just put a camera on your head how much wacky shit would you see every year probably madness

oh every I mean it would be every other day there'd be something amazing something crazy like everyone should just have a GoPro

on their head and just be traveling around well they kind of do now in a lot of states they said that's lowered the instances of police harassment or police brutality substantially. And I know, I believe Los Angeles has some sort of program,

at least on some of the officers, where they put these cameras on them. You know, we're starting to see so much video of cops beating people up, man. It's really disturbing. It is. It's so disturbing. Like, that one cop that beat that lady up on the side of the is it's so disturbing like that one cop um that

beat that lady up on the side of the freeway you've seen that one yeah that is fucked holy shit she might have been mentally challenged and she was acting like she was walking in the on the freeway yeah i don't know what her deal was i don't know but if that is the only way that he can control her he shouldn't be a cop like you can't just fucking waylay somebody in the face over and over again while you're holding on to their neck on the side Of the highway you just can't do that. That's that's not Defensive you're not like you're not saving them from themselves. You're not saving anybody from that you're assaulting them You know like you should be able to contain that woman that woman woman wasn't striking him at all. If you had any knowledge of jiu-jitsu whatsoever, you would just contain her. It would be really easy to do.

I mean, you might get hit with some clawing at you and shit, but you could hold her in place, and nobody has to get hurt. If you're a cop, it's not like that woman was attacking him. If that woman was attacking him, like say if that woman had a bat or a knife or something she's coming out and he took her down and punched her in the face I'm all for that that's a dainty that might as well be an animal a person that's attacking you with a weapon might as well be an animal that's how I feel like if would you kick a dog that tried to bite you fuck yeah a person with a knife that's coming at you it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman they're getting punched in their fucking face for real right it had you

have to yes otherwise you're a dead man brian yes is running an option because i'd like to just run away yeah if you could run faster definitely do it okay cool i'll do that if you could go side to side if you got a good juke but at the end of the day like if you're a cop you can't just beat somebody up like that you just can't do that. That lady's not hitting you. She wouldn't listen? What's going on? There's no way she could have been doing anything that justified getting the fuck beat out of her like that.

Isn't there some police force that's now putting GoPros on all the cops? Their whole force. You have to have a GoPro camera on your person now. We should probably Google this because we keep saying it. I just heard it the other day. That'd be great. Yeah.

That makes so much more sense. Yeah. I don't know. And what it should be is something that broadcasts. Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah. We could subscribe to, that would be the best cops by the way ever.

Ever. Ever. Yeah. You go, hmm, I want to see what's going on in my hometown, cops. You could just stream it.

Yeah, in real life. What's Com's going on in my hometown, cops. You could just stream it in real life. What's Compton really like? Cops use GoPros to film traffic stop. Oh, this is different. I think it was Florida, actually, now that I think about it, that was doing it. Florida police camera. Look at this.

A cop uses a GoPro to film a traffic stop of a lieutenant cop. A Miami police officer, he to film a traffic stop of a lieutenant cop. A Miami police officer, he made a routine traffic stop. He discovered that it's a man of superior rank, like a cop that's superior rank to him. They start fighting, and he got suspended. Yeah, I saw that. And the lieutenant is merely reassigned. Huh. Yeah, he filmed the whole thing, too.

There's like a hierarchy like that's like a weird thing the rank thing for police officers like that's some military shit yeah like the whole rank thing like that he had to like you know give in to a superior officer like that's what the issue is a superior rank. How weird is that? A guy's a general. Yeah, we're not at war. That person ran a red light. Let's calm down. I mean, I guess cops should be able to get better positions

as they get better at their job, and they should get more prestige as they get more experience and knowledge. Officers in Rialto, California, are now required to wear video cameras while on duty. See, it's right in the middle. And so it's just like a full-on GoPro that just records every time.

One year, the use of force have dropped 60%. Complaints have dropped 88%. Wow. Holy shit. Holy shit. Wow. That's accountability, man. Yeah.

It's all about accountability. That's exactly what that is, you know? It's not that... Being a cop is a tricky decision to be the guy who decides how things get handled in times of stress and that's your job you do that every day yeah you come in people are screaming wives and husbands are you worried you're gonna get shot like they're always worried they're gonna get shot like domestic violence cases especially. Can you imagine? You don't have anything to do with these crazy people.

But the neighbor's lights are all on. It's 5 o'clock in the morning. People are screaming. They're throwing shit. And, you know, you hear the guy say, I'm going to fucking kill you. And you're outside and you're a cop. And you're like, Jesus Christ, here we go. Like, that's your job. That's a crazy job.

your job that's cool that's a crazy job it's hard for anybody i think to expect that people that go through that job on a daily basis are perfect or they should be held to the same standards as everybody else as far as like their ability to tolerate bullshit because they they see too much yeah that's a crazy job it's a crazy job and it's not crazy job. And it's not a, you know, when people look at police brutality, you got to look at the cops too. Like, what are these guys being subjected to? It's not just that these cops are lashing out and attacking people. It's like, what's making them ramp up their violence? Are they just inherently violent?

That's a real convenient way to look at it, to just decide they're just inherently violent. And that they're assholes and bullies, and that's why they became cops in the first place. And that might be correct for some, but you also got to take into consideration what they're seeing on a daily basis. Their fucking job is to deal with the worst situations that people have to see every day. Every day. Bullets, car accidents accidents motorcycle wreck violence murder suicide yeah the worst parts of humanity all the worst liars liars thieves rapists all day it's got to be overwhelming and then for them to be you know in a situation with a person and the person is

like yeah i don't have to listen to you oh Oh, don't you fucking bitch? Listen to this. It's like they're so wound up. They're always at like eight. If you live in that world and you're constantly like dodging this and evading that and capturing this guy and pulling that guy off the street. Fuck, man.

That's why it surprises me when you see cops that are so young when there's like a 21 year old 22 year old cop and you're like that guy's going to be able to handle all this stress yeah like the domestic violence thing like he'd show up to a house husband and wife are arguing and it's like that kid's probably had sex twice and he's supposed to like know what to do during a yeah i wonder if they have people that they specifically assign to those kind of cases that are like good at that shit okay yeah does that make sense but i would that's like an al pacino role in heat norman can i talk to you you know

get the guy to the window and yeah put the gun down norman you know there's a lot of cops here you know it'd be like the guy who like slowly talks you off the ledge yeah i bet in real life cop world though it's like what is it is it a murder there's no specialists like dude i don't even do robbery i'm not doing robbery i'm over here i'm doing violent crime yeah not nothing petty like no they're cops they show up where there's you know there's like vice departments, right? And they have like different departments. But for the most part, they all deal with bullshit. That's what they do all day.

Yeah, it's like who's closer to the crime. Just get there and deal with it. Deal with nonsense all day. Deal with the worst of us. And every time they talk to people, the people are lying. Like most of the time, most of the time people are lying like most of the time most of the time people are talking to cops they're lying yeah i don't think i've ever talked to a cop when it hasn't been like i'm on the end of getting in trouble and i'm like how do i get out of this

i've never just been like hey officer nice nice to see you today i've never done that that's funny yeah that's a lot of people's interaction with cops on the street, man. That's a lot of people's. If you think about it, remember that video? That kid was taking a video. The woman was beating him up. And she was screaming at him. And he was like, stop hitting me. Please stop.

And that's all he was doing. And she was saying that she was going to say that he sexually assaulted her. Yeah. Remember the other one that we showed, that uh the the old women stealing the guys yeah stuff yeah they've the reddit guys like reddit found her name and her facebook and started going to her page oh my god and it's ridiculous because she's like it looks like she's just a normal woman that just happened to be like stealing shit well you know what that's a weird thing about people's looks there's like some sweetie pie looking people that are killers.

Ted Bundy. Yeah. Perfect example. Yeah. Yeah. I've met like, there's a lot of MMA guys like that too. Like you would never know. Jiu Jitsu guys.

There's a lot of Jiu Jitsu guys like you would never know. You look at them, they just look like normal dudes. And they kill people. It's just like there's something about their head. It's not just their physical abilities. It's like their head. They have like a little something extra, a little piece of weird. But they look like Opie.

Look like all-American boy. Look like a total normal, sweet-faced fella. Meanwhile, they're just stone-cold killers. Some old lady could be a dirty murderer. You're looking at her on the beach, and she's like someone's Grammy. Like, where's your grandparents? Oh, they're over there by that tent. Oh, hi, Grammy.

Hi. That's her. Meanwhile, she's a dirty, stinky thief. Stealing someone's tent, packing it up. And then she's done it before, obviously, because that guy came up to her. She wasn't surprised. She was playing it off yeah like well this is ours i'm pretty sure this is ours like this is our stuff i mean you

know it was a complicated tent they got like fucking posts and shit and they're folding everything up and putting in bags and stuff this old dirty broad's just stealing she probably has gotten away with that for the last 15 years. Yeah. After you hit a certain age, no one suspects you. Right. That innocent old person's not going to steal anything. Well, people become kleptos, and they don't even know why.

Like, I had a girl that I was dating when I was in high school that had a bit of an issue at one point in time, and she was a very good person. She wasn't a bad person at all. She's not like a bad kid from a bad home. But she wanted something and she didn't have the money. And she just took it. You know, and it was just this thing where like she did it a couple of times.

And she got in trouble for it. She didn't get arrested, but she got caught. She had to give the stuff back. I don't remember. It wasn't anything monumental, but it was enough where she was trying to understand why she was doing this. Yeah. Like I can't,

I almost can't stop. Like I go in the store and there's something I want and I know no one's looking and I figure out a way to get it. And I'm like that, that's crazy. Like that's stealing. But she is, it was like when they say kleptomania like for some folks it really is an issue like they really can get obsessed with

this idea of stealing something and they can't help it joey diaz used to do it all the allegedly all the time when we were at the like the airport would just be like he would just be stuffing hamburgers in his pockets. And you're just like, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, don't worry about this, Brian. Or he would just go and get to one of those little stands where they have drinks and popcorn and stuff. And he's just putting stuff in his pockets right in the open. Is it more about the thrill?

It's not even like, oh, I need this thing. Is it like the adrenaline? Can I get away with it? Well, let's say this about Joey. That was a long time ago. He's a different guy now i'm saying like the girl at all anymore i don't know you know the girl was 17 at the time um and like i said she's not a bad person by any stretch of the imagination she's very nice she's very smart too she just had a thing and the thing was she wanted to steal shit it just and don't think, you know, it could be a combination.

First of all, when you're 17, you're essentially insane. I mean, you really are not sure what's going on. For the last couple of years, your body's been overwhelmed with hormones. And you're like, what is that? Like, why do I feel so different than I did, you know, just two or three years ago? And you're obsessed with girls, right? And girls are obsessed with boys. And so you just start fooling around, having sex,

and it becomes like your whole life becomes obsessive when you're young. And you're about to become an adult. You're going to have to take care of yourself. And you're like, what? Nobody taught me shit. I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm 17.

I'm almost 18. Then I got to fend for myself. You know, and then graduation's out and you take your deep breath and you try to figure it out. Like, wow, what next? They're all crazy! Everyone that age is crazy. So some of them steal clothes

and some of them sniff paint and some of them, you know, whatever. Become cops that beat people. Yeah, it's a little harder than, you can't be more than 17. How old do you have to be to be a cop? I think 18. Should be 40. If you can join the military at 18, you'd think you'd be.

Should be 40. Should be 40-year-old dudes that are yoked. They're like hiring in Burbank cops right now. There's signs everywhere that says, I'm now hiring. I'm sure. It's probably a tough job. It's probably tough to get people to do. Because, you know, I don't think most of us have the perspective to understand what they have to go through.

So I think a lot of people also treat cops with disdain. It's kind of cool to treat cops with disdain. But that's all well and good, but if the shit hit the fan, you'd be fucking happy there were cops. Oh, yeah. Yeah, remember that North Hollywood shootout? Remember that shit?

Oh, yeah, with the fully automatic weapons? Do you remember that, Brian? Oh, yeah, that north hollywood shootout remember that shit oh yeah with the autumn fully automatic weapons do you remember that brian oh yeah it was like a video game dude we were on uh news radio was on the set of news radio and i forget who told us it was happening but we all gathered up in this break room to watch this and we were watching this on the tv someone's office or something i remember where we were watching people like this is fucking crazy like we were all holding our hands on our heads like what are we looking at this dude's armed to the tits he's got are you showing it yeah pull it up on the screen so we can see it too this dude is armed to the tits he's got bulletproof everything on they got a van stuffed with bullets and ammo and rifles and shit. And he's just fucking cops up. Jesus.

This is a different guy, Brian, isn't it? I don't know. The North Hollywood shootout is what you want. Is this it? Yeah, this is North Hollywood shootout. Oh, this is the end. That's where they just shot him. This is the end.

There were some videos before of him like fully armed up giant machine guns and shit shooting at cops and these cops had pistols and their bullets are bouncing off of them yeah i mean the cops had like standard you know officer issue pistols and this fucking guy had like the craziest rifles money can buy yeah machine guns and shit and just these two dudes held all these cops at bay this is the same one where they were trying to rob a bank right that's that one yeah yep yeah but see if it wasn't for cops then what those guys do that again next week and they do it again the week after and then who stops them who stops them yeah we would not be able to they sort

of go in house to i'd like i have an iphone i can throw at you or what do you do i mean if someone's that crazy that they're willing to do something like that who knows where that guy's limits are uh-huh that guy could easily just go door to door and gun people down and how many friends he has yeah that are willing imagine if it was a hundred of those guys yes exactly out in the street exactly that's what you got to really worry about what you got to really worry about is people that don't think you need a military or don't think you need law enforcement, you're really kind of underestimating the evil that human beings are capable of. We've just been in a nice place here in America for a few hundred years.

Pretty sweet as far as world history goes. Like it's invading violence. Pretty sweet. Like one of the best spots ever. Like a solid 200 plus years of nobody coming over here and fucking us up like a few little baby attacks but nothing in comparison to anything that any other empire had to go through over like you know the course of its its reign you know if you think about how many like human beings how many different countries

there are in this country and then that we have military bases in like 100 plus of those countries. You know, those numbers are crazy. That's just stopping and thinking about how many of us there are is nuts. But if there wasn't a military and some crazy fucks like those North Hollywood guys gathered up together and decided to start taking shit over, what would you do? People are capable of that. It's a very unfortunate, but it's a realistic aspect. It's a realistic subject.

It needs to be breached. It's very unfortunate that people are capable of things like that, but they are. And to not plan on it and to not be prepared in case it happens, there's a lot of civilizations that don't exist anymore because of that yeah you you get used to the safety you have then you go to like you know a third world country and you're like oh things aren't as together over there and there's like groups of people who are fighting other groups within like that could never happen here unless

they got factions going at each other unless they here. See, anything can happen here once it happens here. Yeah. How quickly would they be able to tighten it down? I don't know. I would hope quickly. I would hope quickly. bad aspects of the military or the bad aspects of war and the bad aspects of police enforcement, law enforcement, the bad aspects of people being horrible and police brutality in those situations.

I think people are tending to go in only one direction with the idea. Like they're only looking at the violence that these cops are doing to civilians they're not looking at like what are we asking these people to do what are we asking these normal people to do for forty thousand dollars a year and how much of an assurance do we have that these people are of sound character where they can get through that gig yeah i know there's some screening processes but how thorough is it really and how much do we really know about the impact of day-to-day violence day-to-day bullshit that these people have to deal with it sounds like the craziest job ever imagine if you had to be a vice cop no but i

would think that i would want that gopro on me at all times oh yeah yeah i think that would i think that's the most important thing for cops nowadays i I think they need that. I think that would be a perfect way to police the police and help the cops at the same time. Imagine starting in a bad neighborhood, too. I'd want to start in the suburbs. I'd want to go from Burbank to Watts. I'm like, just let me do a couple traffic stops before I'm involved in a shootout.

Right. There was a guy that I used to uh taekwondo with that he got reassigned he wanted to get reassigned to a more urban area and i go why do you want to do that it's like there's more action i was like more action wow i would want to start off like small town like where there's two cops for the whole city you know yeah no this dude this dude wanted to be where the shit was going down he he genuinely enjoyed it he there was a he was a he's an odd duck he was like uh this weird sort of hard-ass cop guy who uh who liked to fight but he was a really nice guy like as a cop he's really nice did he have like a good sense for justice he wasn't like a power guy he was it was weird he was a sweet guy but it seemed like he would like look forward to someone

doing something that he could correct him on yeah you know like if you didn't if you didn't do anything wrong he was like a super nice guy but it was weird being friends with this dude while i was like a young teenager because i always like thought of cops like oh shit i'm gonna get arrested you know just think of all the people that i knew that were dirtbags like oh i gotta get out of here there's a cop you know but he was um he was older than me but it was it was a weird sort of a relationship because um he was older than me but i was better at martial arts than him so i'd beat his ass but he was a cop and then he'd arrest you. Well, he didn't arrest me. But, you know, I would, like, I would even take it easy on him sometime in sparring because he was a cop.

Because I would just think, like, I do not want this dude, like, developing a grudge, you know. Oh, yeah. Because people could develop a grudge, you know. And especially, like, sparring sessions. There's, like, sparring sessions for striking and then sparring sessions for grappling, sparring sessions for grappling are way safer. So you can go really, really go at it hard, but sparring sessions for, for striking, they're really dangerous because people get knocked out all the time.

So there's like a certain amount of respect that you have to give each other and you have to not hit each other that hard. And some guys just don't play by that some guys are just it all goes out the window they start winging shots at you and next thing you know you're in a melee like it happens all the time where a sparring session turns into an all-out fight it happens all the time so you don't want to do that with a cop you know and especially a cop that knows how to fight pretty good too see the john jones thing yeah it was crazy man john jones and daniel cormier got in this huge And especially a cop that knows how to fight pretty good, too. See the John Jones thing? Yeah, it was crazy, man.

John Jones and Daniel Cormier got in this huge scrap at a press conference. It was ridiculous. John Jones got in Daniel Cormier's face, put his forehead on Daniel Cormier's forehead, and Daniel Cormier grabbed John Jones by the neck and pushed him away, and John dropped his belt, and then it was just bodies colliding. Wow. John dropped his belt, and then it was just bodies colliding. Wow.

And John immediately, I guess, you know, it's a wild scramble, but John was on top. And John was like, I took you down so quick within seven seconds, you were on your back. And you're like, oh, no, like the shit talking just escalated to a totally different level. And John Jones put out a video that said uh you you suck you're so weak when i got a hold of you felt so weak like it's really and then he deleted the video which is really interesting see this would happen uh poor guy in the middle yeah that guy like there this is just

a colliding oh my god pile of bodies dan is on vacation he wasn't even there yeah yeah this can't happen i can't do that this is real bad for the sport it's real bad it's real bad for public perception it's a weapon to be used against mma you know it's unfortunate what you gotta have everybody should have is uh a no contact policy unless guys agree to hug you know you agree to shake hands and hug you should have is uh a no contact policy unless guys agree to hug you know you agree to shake hands and hug you should have a no contact policy and anybody clearly violates that no contact policy gets fined you know that some guys can deal with it they're getting in each other's face but when you have a situation like this you know you're gonna have to have a no contact policy with those guys yeah because like the weigh-ins

they're always doing the forehead stuff and like getting in people's face that's like I don't know man I think it's ridiculous it's ridiculous and some of it's gamesmanship

but it's just so bad for the image of the sport is that starting to happen more often? no it's pretty rare it's pretty rare but that's a big

high profile fight yeah I mean like Ronda Rousey Amish Tate they got head to head in each of those faces

and it was pretty hot yeah it's sexy i saw where you're looking but um they were professional about it they didn't do anything about it these guys were not professional like it was like immediate yeah you can't do that you know you can't grab each other and fucking slap it you know and if you say hey i don't want to headbutt you man you know or but nobody wants to give ground you know they just they don't you know they don't want anybody getting any psychological advantage and so they they're they have to show each other like they'll fuck i'll fucking fight you right here bitch and then you know that's when shit like this happens it's like they just have to treat it. This is like the importance of that not happening is huge.

It's huge. It's just such a negative connotation attached to what that is. That's just violence. The difference between that kind of violence and the violence of a sport is the violence of a sport is everyone's agreeing to this scenario. You're agreeing to train for x amount of weeks you're going to fight for x amount of rounds you're going to fight this guy he weighs what you weigh everybody prepares you meet at this day and you compete and it's a very dangerous form

of competition and yes it is fighting as a competition but it's not violence the same way that that is that's a street fight that's a That's a world champion mixed martial arts fighter and an Olympic wrestler, and they're street fighting. That's bad for everybody. That's bad for wrestling. That's bad for MMA. That's bad for sports. It's fun for people to watch.

World star. Oh, yeah. You know, part of me, I have two ways of looking at it. Part of me is like that's bad for the sport, but part of me is like how do I feel about it, though? Does me out no no it doesn't make me upset i'm not upset i'm looking forward to watching this fight even more now yeah look would i have liked it to not happen absolutely absolutely i wish that they were very professional about this they don't need to do that that fight's going to be amazing no matter what happens but since it did happen and i got

to see it like whoa i'm not going to pretend that that's not fun you know i'm not going to be amazing no matter what happens but since it did happen and i got to see it like whoa i'm not going to pretend that that's not fun you know i'm not going to pretend that that didn't make everybody way more excited about that fight because it fucking for sure did yeah it's not good it's not good to do but it was fun to watch and more people are going to be excited about the fight i mean there's that's the catch-2222. There's no real black or white about this. As a representative of the sport, I absolutely wish it didn't happen. As a person who cares a lot about the future of the sport and the public's perception, which I think is already a little skewed,

I think there's a lot of people that aren't fans that like to look at the people that fight in MMA as just barbarians. But there are a lot of nice guys that fight in the ufc and they're some of the nicest athletes you'll ever meet that's a fact so part of me gets bummed out when i see shit like that but part of me is like look they're gonna fight eventually anyway so they fought a little here they're just being passionate a little a little taste. Get a little taste. I don't know. It's going to be a

wild ass fight, though. When is that fight? That's a good question. It's, I think it's September 27th in Vegas. Is that it, or is the weekend of the 27th? Either way, it's on

like Donkey Kong's son. It's going to be exciting. But it's unfortunate, man. It's unfortunate. So as far as now, they didn't get in any trouble? I don't know.

I mean, Dana's on vacation. I mean, I read that there is, that they were going to get in trouble. Yeah. There's some thing in that contract, you know, that you can't do that shit. Well, there's a thing that says there will be consequences. Right. That's the statement.

The official statement. There will be consequences. It's almost scarier than saying what's going to happen. Yeah, that sounds very vampire-like.

We will contact you. It's very vampire-like. There will be consequences to actions. You don't get any of the headphones to wear during the fights.

Have you been watching The Strain? You've been watching The Strain? The Guillermo del Toro show on FX? It's fucking great, man. It's great. I've been waiting until at least five or six air. Yeah, there's four out now.

This is the fourth one just aired on Sunday. It's fucking fun. Because the billboard with the thing going into the eye, I was like, I'm in. I don't even know what this is, but I'm absolutely doing this. I read the book, and I don't remember the worms from the book. Maybe I just don't remember. Maybe I have to go back and read it again.

I didn't remember that part, but I remember the book being really entertaining for like three quarters of the way through. Like really fun in the beginning, too. It's a good story. It's an interesting story. And they're doing a great job with the miniseries. It's really good, man.

It really ropes you in. It's fun. I need to try it. I just gave up on the leftovers. Dude, I love horror movies and shows. We need more of that shit. More zombie shit. More vampire shit.

It's fun. Horror movies have taken a big dive. I don't know. If you go back to like the 1950s look at those black and white movies that were super popular back then there were so many horror movies man oh yeah the creature from the black lagoon remember those but now like now they're the demand is so much more for like there to be a real story instead of like this monster attacks a village and then a hot girl gets her clothes ripped off and you see her tits you're like that was an amazing film dude we should do a mystery science theater uh

type thing where we watch creature from the black lagoon because it is so ridiculous first of all it's so obvious they're in a swimming pool i mean it's not a fucking lagoon at all yeah it's like some back lot swimming pool they put cement there cement there? That's weird. The fucking, the creature was pretty dope for the time. Like, it was like just a really cool scuba diving outfit, essentially. Yeah. You know, and this weird, freaky, lizard-like scuba diving outfit, they put this guy in, and he would swim in the swimming pool and capture the girl.

That's so great. It's so bad. It's so bad that it's awesome. Like, it's so bad. It's exciting when you watch it. Here it is. Out of the monk and mystery of a hundred million years ago, up from the depths of unknown waters

comes a creature to confound science and terrorize the world. This is awesome. This is awesome. It just grabbed this guy by the head. It was the worst acting job anybody's ever done, ever. Look at this. Shocking.

Perfected three-dimension. Ooh, it's 3D. I didn't even know it was 3D. Yeah, it was one of those where you got your glasses in the Sunday paper, and they would play it on the TV. Remember that? Wow, no. That's cool.

I do remember that. The bridge between fish and the land now hasn't changed in millions of years but here even the music here we have a clue to an answer starring Richard Carlson friendly adventuring underwater in the depths of the mighty Amazon. Lovely Julia Adams, her beauty allure even to the man-beast from the dawn of time. With Richard Denning, whose scientific passion turned to the fury of revenge. You'll see the most amazing underwater photography that the screen has ever known. Wow, this is incredible. Look out, that's so obvious it's a pool this is not a ripple in that water look at it four men dead so far we're staying until we get

or until somebody else gets killed He just dives in the water with her. Deep, deep, deep. Into the waters of his domain. This is hilarious. He's just going to drown this chick. I know. She's dead already.

What's he doing? Is he making out with her? How does he keep her from drowning? Rake cave. Oh, does she have a scuba outfit? Amazing in three dimension. Creature from the Black Lagoon. They should do a remake of this one.

Some monster in a creek grabs all these women and rapes them. Yeah, you could come up with a better story, right? You could just say it was some genetic experiment that escaped from some dude who was really rich in Florida from cocaine. He hired a bunch of scientists to try to make lizard soldiers.

Right? That could totally be a story. They could do that. Creature from the black... And it'd be in Miami. Fucking people up in Miami. Oh, yeah. Because you need the hot girls to kill.

Yeah. They're always swimming around. Well, it needs at least them to run. You don't have to kill them. Yeah. But they run. In very slow motion. Yeah.

They run. The titties are bouncing. Why are they being chased by a lizard man? That's what you could count on with all those Jason movies where you're like in the first scene

he's going to be walking through some camp and there's going to be a bunch of girls going like nothing's going to happen. Yeah. Let's just take off all our clothes.

It's very hot. Let's do nipple to nipple. Yeah. Let's make out for warmth. Yeah, that genre has kind of gone away a bit, right? Has it? I mean, those were big movies. Oh, I know.

Halloween. Yeah. Friday the 13th. All those movies. Those were big movies, man. Like, you get fired up. Friday the 13th. Freddy Krueger. Even when they were bad, they. Halloween. Yeah. Friday the 13th. All those movies. Those are big movies, man. Like, you get fired up. Friday the 13th. Freddy Krueger.

Even when they were bad, they were good. Yeah. If you could ensure that a couple girls would be having a pillow fight and a tit would pop out and then Axe Murderer shows up. Yeah. You're talking about that for two months with your friends if you're a teenager. Yeah. Especially if it's like Jason because he's undead or whatever he is.

Nobody knows what he is. Yeah, he was killed and then came back somehow. Yeah, they fucking run him over, they shoot him, he rises, and somehow or another finds a way to get you. And it didn't even matter back then. Like, well, we have to explain to the viewers how he came back. They're like, well, that's what those four pairs of tits are for. Because immediately they'll forget.

Yeah. And then he just goes on a rampage for two hours it was a different world back then scream movies were good i thought scream yeah yeah those were good yeah those are fun yeah it took a lot from those that old school kind of horror slasher film thing yeah this what bums me out is the lack of monster movies that's what bums me out like whenever a good monster movie comes out i get like super excited like this is gonna be fun yeah but there's so few there's so few like godzilla it was all right you know it was fun it was really well done like the godzilla itself was amazing but there there's just one motherfucker the main dude who survives more close calls in this goddamn movie

than anybody in the history of monster movies. I mean, it's so ridiculous. Everywhere he is, everybody dies and he escapes, and everybody dies and he escapes, and everybody dies and he escapes. Like, fuck, man. By the time the movie's over, by the end of the movie, you've used up all your get-out-of-jail-free cards, dude.

Yeah. You're just officially ridiculous. Like, he's the guy that lands in between the paws. Yep. Boom, and he's like, oh, that was a close one the tail slams down he's like whew god I was like four feet away thank god exactly I mean it's just

there's so many cut the shit scenes but what they can do now as far as the special effects it makes it worth it it makes it worth seeing because even if the story is goofy as shit the monsters are insane. Like the way Godzilla looks now, holy fuck. Did you watch it and didn't like it?

Was that you? I never saw it. Or Ari? Ari was like, he hated it. Of course he did. He's like, oh, totally don't watch that movie ever. I'm like, what's wrong? He had all these problems with the storyline.

I'm like, Ari, it's a giant lizard destroying Japan or whatever. It might be a god. Yeah. They always do that in these movies. It might be a god. Dum, dum, dum. Yeah. They might be gods.

What was the one with the giant robot warrior ones that came out? Oh, Transformers? No, no. It was Pacific Rim. Oh, yeah, Pacific Rim rim i like that one did you really because it was just giant robots going at it it was like watching a video game yeah it was cool that part was cool but the the uh the human parts were horrible it really felt like i was watching someone like took a comic book and just didn't do any rewrites at all yeah and just slapped it

together it was very comic book like which you know i think in some cases is fine but the comic books that they're doing now comic book movies they do so well like captain america you know it's a silly story but it's a good like they do a really good job like they make these movies are fun to watch they do a great job so like if you go back to like really clunky sort of like stuff like that like the the pacific thing just it's just it was too clunky for me does that make sense yeah story like story wise yeah yeah yeah that i didn't even i was like i want to go watch a movie and turn my brain off and i'm like what better thing than watch like 200 foot tall robots destroy each other but there was a this scene where this guy and a girl were in love with each other or something. And I was like, what am I watching here?

Yeah, that's where you're like, oh, bathroom time or cigarette or something. What is this robot fight thing? What are you guys doing? What's happening here? Where's the monsters? Show me some monsters, bitch. I hated the acting. I couldn't even watch it.

Yeah, but it seems like it was a choice, though. It seemed very comic book-like, right? Didn't it? Almost like they were going for a certain feel. Yeah, it had that comic book video game feel. Yeah, exactly. I don't even remember who was in it. No.

The human beings that were in it. Yeah, I remember I got really mad when I finally watched that movie because everyone told me it was good. That fucking Tom Cruise movie is good. The latest one? Yeah, The Edge of Tomorrow. What's that one about? It's a science fiction movie.

It's really good, man. It's really good. I mean, I said it's really good and a bunch of people criticized me online. How dare you? But I think that those people, your taste in movies sucks. Listen, man, it's just my

taste okay you can't say it sucks i like we like different things but uh i understand if you think the movie sucks to you but to me i thought it was excellent and if it wasn't tom cruise i think if it was some other dude that didn't carry a lot of baggage i think it probably been rated a lot higher than it was i think one of the reasons why people like Oh, the movie wasn't that good. I really think it's because it's a Tom Cruise movie. I think like Tom Cruise's movies People think they're good. They're pretty good. That's pretty good But if it was like another actor in the same role like they wouldn't it wouldn't be judged the same way I think I think people just think that guy's so wacky. Yeah, his reputation precedes anything else he can do from now on

but he's so wacky yeah his reputation precedes anything else he can do from now on but he's he's so so good he's a really good actor yeah he's fucking really good in this movie like you buy it like i don't want to give away the plot but it's a pretty ridiculous plot and he sells it like the idea behind it is pretty crazy and he sells it it's a good fucking movie people forget like there's a reason he became the biggest movie star in the world. Yeah. He's cute. He's got a cute face. Yeah, he's talented. He's talented as fuck.

He just happens to be insane. Yeah. I think that everybody who's really good at that gig is insane. I think that's an insane person's hobby or an insane person's profession. Yeah. The really good one. I mean, you can contain your insanity, but. That's like the difficult trick, it seems, for celebrities now is to not let it out that they're crazy.

Because there's so many. Then you could just like, I'm going to tweet something. And people are like, did you know Shia LaBeouf is out of his mind? Did you read all those tweets? And it was, that's all been there. Yeah. We just didn't know.

Like imagine if there were social media in the fifties, like the things Humphrey Bogart would be railing against, you know? Yeah. Like Cary Grant's like homophobic. I didn't know that. Yeah. All the racist shit that would be said.

All the DUIs that would be publicized all the yeah domestic abuse like who knows what those people were into back then what is that guy's name from the early 1900s fatty arbuckle remember that whole story no fatty arbuckle apparently um they put a bottle or a glass up a woman's vagina and they killed her. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Something happened. Let me pull it up, Fatty.

And he was acquitted, but he never worked again. Wow. What's that, Jamie? It's up on the screen for you. Fatty Arbuckle. His name was Roscoe. Roscoe Arcoe arbuckle yeah um he uh oh my god yeah the woman died four days later she'd fallen ill at a party and she died Whoa. jury. Despite Arbuckle's acquittal, the scandal has mostly overshadowed his legacy as a pioneering

comedian. Following the trials, his films were banned and he was publicly ostracized. Although the ban on his films was lifted within a year, Arbuckle only worked sparingly through the 1920s. He later worked as a film director under the alias William Goodrich.

He was finally able to return to acting, making two short real comedies in 1932 for Warner Brothers. He died in his sleep of a heart attack at the age of 46. Whoa. Reportedly, on the same day, he signed a contract with Warner Brothers to make a feature film. Ooh, that's scary shit. Ooh.

Doesn't say here what he did. Like, it doesn't get into graphic detail about it. It just said she had fallen ill. I don't know. Yeah, I wonder if they... How old is that story? It's from 1921. Yeah, I guess it...

I doubt they printed stuff like that back then. Like anything that alluded to sexual whatever just like oh she was ill like they wouldn't even use the word pregnant they'd be like expecting and they're saying that he wasn't that big but what what the charge was that he had killed her with his weight while savagely raping her it says the newspapers of the day reveled in the glory rumored details juries found little evidence that arbuckle wasn't any way connected with her death hmm yeah imagine how many more of those stories about those like old legends that were like considered pristine stars if there was a tmz back then yeah there's two there's a couple different uh versions like his they this one

website has um one person's version and then the uh fatty arbuckle version are two different versions of what exactly happened either way no boy you know on my friend. That's fucked. Yeah, how did we get on the subject of Fatty Arbuckle? I didn't know. Oh, it's because Tom Cruise is considered crazy. Oh, yeah. And we're like, there probably were a bunch of crazy. There's always been crazy celebrities.

Yeah, that's why it was. Yeah, there's always been crazy everything. People are crazy. It's just that people have done a really good job of hiding their crazy until they shut their doors. Yeah. They would get home, good night, take care, bye-bye, shut that door. Put on a vinyl suit with a zipper. Let's get to work.

Ball gag in place. Yeah. Go down to their basement. Fucking chain themselves up. Yeah. People are crazy. We're starting to see it. It's coming out more more it's going to be

great when people want to go back to privacy when they want to cherish their privacy it's not going to happen you'd have to go somewhere like the big island of hawaii no internet there's no internet no i mean you could you would live there with no internet okay there is internet on the big island it's great but if you really want to first of all okay. I mean, there is internet on the Big Island. It's great. But if you really wanted to... First of all, think about the fact that there's internet on the Big Island of fucking Hawaii. It takes five hours to get there on a plane, right? You fly through the air for five hours, and someone laid fiber across the ocean floor that is that length.

I mean, that's how it works, right? I think so. I have no idea. Yeah. Isn't that how it works? There? I think so. I have no idea. Isn't that how it works? Like, there has to be a direct line somewhere. There's underwater lines. There's underwater lines, son.

How? Exactly. Yeah. How did they do that? The Pacific Ocean. So they just, like, we're tossing this in there, and let's hope, like, a shark doesn't gnaw on it. Okay, I'm going to Google,

how do they get internet in Hawaii? Call AOL. Dude, it's one of the first things that people ask. Let's see what they say. How does Hawaii get internet? Yahoo answers. The internet is provided via a 10,000-mile submarine and terrestrial fiber optic cable connecting the state's six major islands, which is owned and operated by Pacific Lightnet. Wow.

10,000 miles, dude. So there are, like, cables connecting all the continents. Yep. That's how, yeah, that's crazy. It's like, think about that. Like, what part of that most people don't know. Like, that part we don't know. Like, most people are like, wait a minute, it's all a wire.

There's wires everywhere? People don't think of that. You don't think of that. Like, you don't think there's like a wire that goes across the ocean to England, and that's how you're doing the internet with England? You think it's like signals flying through the air. The people building railroads were like, this is impressive. Like we link this city to that one with all this steel. Yeah.

And now it's like there's a cable where I can just like pick up a thing. And send a thing. Yeah, and just type a thing. And watch a video. Yeah, screw you, train. Takes two weeks. That's why it gets really squirrely when people start talking about like, when you start talking about like videos that you can and can't watch in other countries.

Like, why can't I watch this in South Africa? Like, why can't, how come this is a, it's because the pipe, like, they don't have agreement with various pipes. Yeah. I mean, that must be it, right? Music licensing also, mostly, and things like that. Yeah, music licensing, and I'm sure also, like,

that there are certain places, like, they don't want to waste their bandwidth on a product that's not available in your country. I'm surprised terrorists just haven't gone after these lines yet. That seems like... Shh! Why are you giving them great ideas, bro? Dude, you just gave it away.

Oh, my God. You're so bad for America. Now Al-Qaeda's building a submarine to go down to the Pacific. It's not Al-Qaeda anymore. It's ISIS. You got to keep up on your bad guys. That's right. Didn't they change it from ISISis again i do not know well if they were smart they would since i know about it right yeah i would say once i know about your organization it's no longer secret yeah

you know oh i need to i made i made a mistake on the last episode i was on when i saw the video of a israel a Israeli hitting a Palestine in kid. Remember that when I was talking about the kid, I guess there's just a lot of videos that they're just saying they're Israeli and they're not, they're just trying like there's people. Yeah.

That was a real video, but it was two other Arab kids. Yeah. It wasn't Israeli. So all these people, angry Jews got on my case. Well, we're, we're sorry angry jews

you sweeties angry jews sweeties but uh i think there's some sort of a ceasefire right now right isn't the idea that's unless it's already ended imagine if we were going to war with mexico better not but think about it like that's essentially what's going on like if where where you look at where israel is and you look at gaza if that we're going to war with mexico that would be what it would be like like us going back and forth and rockets from mexico flying into san antonio and we're like what the fuck right that's real like that's really what it would be like yeah like they like they would destroy a 7-Eleven in El Paso, and then we would just bomb all of Mexico City for three straight days. But that's why the people in Israel,

one of the things about people in Israel is those motherfuckers love to party. Yeah. I had a friend who's a kickboxing instructor. I went over to his house once for dinner, and a dude was playing the bongos, and his wife was dancing his kids were dancing and they were all cooking and i was like wow this is crazy and uh he's like uh this is you know how we do it in israel he goes uh you never know one day you die you know so today when do we lie party

party party and it was like playing the bongo drums and all happy and i was like wow that's a perspective you only get when you've you've been involved in that that sort of hellish existence like he i believe he was in the military for the israeli army i think it's mandatory actually for everyone yeah but uh you know he was a he's an interesting guy but always like big smile on his face and very happy. And that was his explanation. I go, you know, how come you guys are always so happy? Like, when I meet someone who's that, like, exuberant, that was his explanation. You never know.

You know, you're over there. It's just like death, like bombings, something. Always terrible. You never know. Everyone could die. So today, party, party. How different life with like israelis and palestinians are because like there's no way the palestinians are partying like that

that's a good point you think they'd party twice as hard yeah like look we're really living under like at any moment yeah yeah that's a dark situation man it really is it's very dark like i asked my parents they're're from Lebanon, my parents. So like they grew up in around all that, you know. They were like Christian, you know, so they just got out of there. They're like, we need to get out of here. But every time I'd ask them about it, they were just like, I'm like, what do you think about what's going on in Israel and Gaza now

and all this stuff? And they just look at me like, what do you mean? I'm like, what do you think is going to happen? And they're like, the same thing that's always going to happen it's they're gonna keep fighting and it's never gonna end like they just look at it like it's not even worth talking about that's it's like yeah it's really like dark and you're just like good lord like they just got so used to it like growing up that like war is a thing like i went to lebanon when i was 13 i took a like go back to the homeland kind of thing and like you're in the southern parts of the country

and and i'd never seen anything like this growing up in the suburbs of la but like you're sitting in a village and then there's like a guy tending like cattle there's like goats and then five minutes later a tank just drives through a dirt road in a village no one bats an eye no one but meanwhile i'm like you know just pointing i'm like that's a tank and they're like yeah that happens like two three times a day like israeli tanks and lebanese tanks and there's soldiers with fully automatic weapons walking through towns and that's just like a normal part of life well have you ever done a gig that's on like a military town no whenever you do anytime you're on the road like if you're near Camp Pendleton or Fort Bragg or any of these like

military bases like if you have a gig anywhere nearby then you hang out there for a day you're gonna see like military trucks Yeah, you're gonna see you know camoed up jeeps and Humvees and all these different troops like constantly moving back and forth left and right Like if you're close to that you see it all the time. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird if you're not used to it You're like wait a minute. That's a killing machine. Yeah, that's what a tank is. It's good for it It was doing it was looking for trouble Yeah. That's what a tank is.

That's all it's good for. That's what it was doing. It was looking for trouble. I mean, to find if there is any trouble. Can you imagine if you saw that tank, and then all of a sudden the fucking alarm starts going off, and the shit starts flying, and you're sitting there real close to this tank, and it's getting shot at? That happened when we went to sleep in the village that night. It was the night before we went back up to the city in Beirut.

And my younger brother and i just heard these distant like noises and we like asked my mom like what are those noises and she's no don't worry it's nothing don't worry about it then the next day we were like so what were those noises like you wouldn't tell us and she's like those were bombs going off like five miles away from us yeah so it was like terrorists bombing each other five miles away from us yo and you're like 13 year old kid and you're like i like grew up in a suburb of la where it's just it couldn't be safer like six cops will pull you over for smoking a cigarette and five miles away it's like people are destroying each other wow it really helped like shape my perspective of what it what it's like to live in america and grow up in america

because i that could have been me like i could have like lived there and maybe who knows if i would have gotten to age 30 31 32 you know yeah that's absolutely true we're all stupid lucky oh yeah that we landed on this spot because you could have landed anywhere you could be in the congo right now going oh well how do i get out of this how do i get rid of this ebola does that come to the armpit yeah they get the big like uh like big boobos or what they call them like the bubonic plague that's where that term comes from they get these like giant oh it's like blood or something like that your skin yeah your your your lymph nodes or your like they swell up with all there's some people i've read that are immune to it me the people immunity everything bro hemp powder bro you can't me bro there's like a tribal guys I've read that are immune to it. Me. Immunity to everything, bro.

Hemp powder, bro. It can't fuck with me, bro. There's like tribal guys that like it goes through so much that like the bubonic plague, Ebola, all these things, they get it and then nothing happens. Wow. That's cool genetics. But you have to be a tribal guy. Right.

It's probably just get a little bit of ebola every day you know and develop an immunity to it no i think it's a hemorrhagic virus right isn't it one of those um i think it's one of those ones that makes you bleed um is it the same one that like liquefies your insides something bad like that yeah that's what i heard li liquefied. Not good. And they just sent someone to America, right? Two people to Atlanta. Yeah, it's a hemorrhagic fever. It's a human disease caused by the Ebola virus. Symptoms typically start two to three weeks after two days to three weeks after contracting the virus.

With a fever, sore throat, muscle pains, and headaches. Typically, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea follow, along with the decreased functioning of the liver and kidneys. At this point, some people begin to have bleeding problems. The virus may be acquired upon contact with blood or bodily fluids of an infected animal, commonly monkeys or fruit bats. So somebody fucked a bat or a monkey. And that's how we got Ebola.

Most likely. Somebody got super crazy and fucked a monkey or a monkey and that's how we got ebola most likely yeah we got super crazy and fucked a monkey or a bat it's not naturally transmitted through the air fruit bats are believed to carry and spread the virus without being affected once human infection occurs the disease may spread between people as well male survivors may be able to transmit the disease via semen for nearly two months wow in order to make the diagnosis typically other diseases with similar symptoms such as malaria cholera and other viral hemorrhagic fevers are first excluded wow this is deep shit man no special no specific treatment for the

disease efforts to help persons who are infected include giving them either oral rehydration therapy, slightly sweet and slightly salty water to drink, or intravenous fluids. The disease has a high mortality rate, often killing between 50 and 90% of those infected. Whoa. Whoa. It was first identified in Sudan and the Democratic Republic of those infected. Whoa. Whoa. It was first identified in Sudan and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The disease typically occurs in outbreaks

in tropical regions of the sub-Saharan Africa. It's always Africa, bro. Yeah. It's always Africa. That's where whatever gets us is going to get out of Africa. You know, when I did that sci-fi show, that was the scariest part was the

dealing with the infectious diseases by far what asked people about diseases like what we really have to worry about the scariest thing they were saying wasn't terrorism it was just a disease that morphs just something that becomes like super potent and kills a ton of people something like they had that spanish flu what killed a bunch of people in the early 1900s. Yeah, the 1920s or whatever, yeah. And apparently it started on a military base. Cue the conspiracy theories. But the thing that was really deadly about it

was that it would go after young, healthy men. People with strong immune systems. It would shut down their immune system. It would kill them quick which is like really strange you know that it like it was almost designed to take out healthy people yeah because normally a flu is it's like children and old people yeah yeah babies and old people have to worry about it but most young people survive but that's you, it's a creepy thought that at any time something could happen and some virus could morph

and turn it into some new thing that we don't know how to deal with. Yeah, someone sneezing on you at an airport could wipe out 5% of human civilization. Yeah, think about this Ebola. 90% of the people die, okay? That's the high number what if everyone got ebola just think of that if one person get ebola what's to say that everyone can't get ebola well

because there are specific protocols and place stop that from yes most likely i'm just being crazy most likely most people are not going to get ebola but if they did what we're saying is at least half would die. Yeah. That's some catastrophic shit. It's like with the way the world's interconnected, it's like that could, like TSA doesn't check for Ebola. Like it could get through an airport,

and the next thing you know, boom. Well, listen to what that just said, that it doesn't necessarily, the symptoms don't show up that quickly. Two days to three weeks. Three weeks is a long time. You contract a virus and then you have that virus for three weeks and you don't know. If you travel a lot. Traveling, licking your hand and touching things everywhere.

Yeah. High-fiving people. Uh-huh. Yeah. You could spread that shit for sure. Coughing on a subway? Like, there's so many. The more you think about it, you're like.

Spits on their hand and gives you a hand job? Right? That's how you got Ebola? You're like, God damn, really? Yeah, I'm at the hottest shit. Her eyes were really red. She was probably just high. But now I feel like I have a temperature.

She was so hot, she gave me a temperature i think she gave me something i just got a planned parenthood they'll figure it out planned parenthood so what do i have check for ebola yeah you've been getting uh hand jobs from african chicks yeah african it looks like you have we need you to leave immediately that's what you have yeah so this uh the woman um the second patient uh you know there was two patients that uh that flew into america apparently weak but improving the second american ebola patient to arrive in the u.s soil was wheeled into an atlanta hospital tuesday by workers in biohazard suits you should see the

picture man it's freaky the picture is them wheeling her into uh it's dark dude pull that picture up pull this picture up yeah there was somebody that they had a video where they showed this like news guy that was hiding in a bush taking video or photos of this and he wasn't wearing a suit though and it was just like oh he's like feet away from this person, not wearing a suit. This is how it happens, this dumb. Oh, yeah, that would be like a plot in like the old episode

of The Incredible Hulk. Right? That would be how the guy gets the super disease. Yeah. I'm just trying to do my job, man. I'm a reporter. Look at that. It's so weird.

Looking at them taking that gurney and pushing it in those space suits that's madness like et whoo that's so scary that's so scary i wonder if it's like 90 though if it if it happened in developed nations with like hospitals and shit i don don't know, man. Because in tribes, like in Africa, I'm sure when people get it, they're like, oh, the disease is back. What do we do? We'll just start a fire and chant to the gods and hope that it goes away. More than 1,400 Ebola cases have been confirmed

in the worst known outbreak of the disease, and more than 800 people have died. Most of these cases have been the countries of Guinea, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. The experimental drug or anything else about the infections ultimately leads to an Ebola cure. That would be incredible, this doctor's saying. This is dark shit, dude.

I didn't know that this was the worst outbreak of Ebola ever. Did you know that? No. Yeah. Wow. And in countries like that, too, they're like, well, what next? I know, right? Like, what could be worse?

Both aid workers received doses of an experimental Ebola drug derived in part from tobacco plants and never before tested on humans before they left Liberia. Brantley got an additional dose at Emory. Wow. Whew. Man, that's scary shit.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy. You know, whenever there's a movie like that uh world war z or any of those movies like it's always the same beginning and it's a beginning just like this yeah like you're reading a story and you're like do you think this is really this sounds really bad and then one of us be like nah it's nothing it's nothing to worry about they got out of control that's what they do these guys are great at that's what they do. These guys are great at it. That's what they do. That's why there's a CDC, guys. Anyway, I'm headed to the airport to get on a flight.

Exactly. And he's the guy who lands, and he's itchy, and his fucking eyes are bleeding. What's going on, man? Nothing. I'll be fine. I got to go home and hug my wife and children. Hey, we really should take a look at you. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Thank you. Now I'm going to go to the sporting event yeah I've got front row tickets to the Lakers game and I'm not gonna miss it he goes there in the Lakers win and you see him high-fiving everybody yeah he's doing blowing the bathroom I feel like shit she does a couple of bumps and he's high-fiving everybody.

Sharing needles. Just spreading Ebola. I've never done heroin, but I'll try it today. Fuck it, bro. YOLO. He's doing heroin. YOLO. Yeah.

Man, it could happen. There's a lot of selfish fucking people, too. Oh, yeah? There's a lot of people that get HIV and they don't tell people. That's a big one, man. There's a lot of selfish fucking people, too. Oh, yeah? There's a lot of people that, you know, if they get HIV, they don't tell people. That's a big one, man. That's a big one. John Holmes. Yeah.

That guy did it. Yeah, I mean, that's a weird thing. Like, you think, like, if someone caught the zombie disease and they knew they had the zombie disease, but they knew that it didn't show up for a couple weeks but they could transmit it to people would they still fuck i say they would yeah they probably would be on my side i want you to be on this i don't want to be the only one with the zombie disease yeah if a dude was drinking in a seedy hotel room when he ordered up a stripper and he knew he had the zombie disease i could totally see this zombie disease fucking spread that's all you'd have to do right They find a way to rationalize

Like well everyone's gonna get it anyway Exactly And she asked me if I had chlamydia Or gonorrhea I said I didn't lie I said I didn't have that Everybody's gonna get it bro The sooner you accept that

Yeah The quicker you get some of this sweet sweet pussy Yeah no one ever asks like You don't have this zombie disease do you What are you even talking about that's crazy the what disease yeah are you fucking sit fucking me yeah why would i come on yeah yeah there could be something dark man there could be some really crazy avian swine monkey flu that comes along that they just don't see coming especially these these hemorrhagic

ones those are terrifying yeah we should take these two people that they flew to atlanta and just like drop them off in north korea and just let them walk around they need to study them and find out whether or not the drugs work on them dummy it's gonna like find out like how to fix these people like when they put a lot of money into these things, like these kind of projects, like they have new drugs they're trying to test, if it works, the amount of money that they can make from it is giant. So they're probably working really hard on developing some sort of a cure.

And if they had enough hope in it they injected people with, that's a good sign. It doesn't mean it's going to be effective, but it means they probably have done a lot of work with it already, and they're pretty sure it does something good. They're not just taking wild guesses. Let's just inject them with the first thing that comes to mind. Tobacco! Okay, let's do it.

Fuck it, tobacco. There must be some sort of a reason. Drug maker stock falls after Big Pop. Hmm. Why is there no Ebola vaccine? There is no cure for Ebola. Dude, this is the beginning of a goddamn horror movie. Because the people that have it don't have credit cards.

Like, why would you create a vaccine or a drug where people are like, we can pay you in goats. We can. It's true. Here's an adobe hut. Could you imagine if we found out, and I'm sure someone will suggest, it's black helicopters! But someone will suggest that the reason why this Ebola outbreak has happened

was because someone poisoned a bunch of people with Ebola. It's been shown. They injected Ebola into the drinking water of this tribe so that they could spread it The aid workers would bring it back home with them And the next thing you know This pharmaceutical drug company Is making trillions of dollars

Yeah Someone's going to suggest that But it could just be Ebola motherfucker It could just be nature People escaped They weren't supposed to they quarantined people people got out it spread lots of people died they could just be that too and it's most likely just that but it's scary scary as fuck it just shows you how easy it is

for that shit to actually spread like everything doesn't have to be a conspiracy to be totally terrifying just a disease like this is fucking totally terrifying It doesn't have to be manufactured by the government like everybody has this idea when one of these things happens It's one of the first things you start reading about it's like these government instituted Programs where they designed? Viruses it could not be fought off six men in a dark smoky room lower the world population They fought off.

Six men in a dark, smoky room. Lower the world population. They want to lower the world population to 500,000 worldwide. How do you think they're going to do that? Okay. Yeah, you're like, I don't know, but why? To pocket billions of dollars. They will own everything.

Yeah. 500,000 hookers and them. A nation. That's being 500,000 it's not a lot that's what the uh isn't that what the georgia guidestones doesn't say something like that it says like 500 million worldwide you know the georgia guidestones what is that the georgia guidestones are these really tall pieces of stone that were carved in several different languages with guides for how to run a civilization. Whoa.

I've never heard of that. Yeah. Whoa. And this, here, I'll pull it up because it's pretty interesting. The Georgia Guidestones, like the guy who made them, I'm not sure who that is, but he actually had some good guides as far as how to manage a civilization. They're not perfect, but they're kind of interesting. Maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature. That's one.

Two, guide reproduction wisely improving fitness and diversity guide reproduction meaning that's like engineering shit yeah engineering reproduction i mean like eugenics yeah i mean what they're doing is look you could say that this is some sort of an evil plot and it may be but it also might be that they're just trying to look at it in what you would consider a cold and calculated manner. But if you looked at it in a cold and calculating manner, I'm not telling you that anybody should do this, but if you did, you would want to take

the smartest females and breed them with the smartest males and the ones who had the most good habits, the ones who were the most fit. You would want them to be the ones that would be raising children more often. It's just like what you would do if you were raising dogs. That's an interesting one.

Obama is a Muslim. Is that on the Georgia Guidestones? It is now. Wow, somebody spray painted it. That's so rude. What else does it say here? Unite humanity with a living new language. Whoa.

That's interesting. That's interesting. It doesn't say, like, it's emojis. Yeah, right? A living new language. That's interesting. Like, a language for all of humanity. That would really help.

For sure. Rule passion, faith, tradition, and all things with tempered reason okay that's just common sense right protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts that's kind of duh yeah right let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court. Okay. Avoid petty laws and useless officials. Fuck yes. Balance personal rights with social duties. Absolutely.

Prize truth, beauty, love, seeking harmony with the infinite. And ten, be not a cancer on the earth. Leave room for nature. Leave room for nature. Leave room for nature. The only thing that's repeated twice in the entire thing. Huh. It's not a bad idea. I mean, listen, you're going to need a lot more than that if you're going to run a fucking world.

Oh, I know. But they're not bad. There's only a couple of them that are kind of goofy. There's nothing in there about how to lay fiber optic cables. Across the fucking ocean. Yeah. Help us out here, Georgia Stone thing thing where's the georgia stone thing at it's georgia i assume right let's find out uh elbert county georgia a message clearly conveying a set of 10 guidelines as inscribed

on the structure in eight modern languages and a shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient languages, Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit, and Egyptian hieroglyphs. Wow. The structure is sometimes referred to as American Stonehenge. The monument is 19 feet 3 inches tall, made from six granite slabs, weighing 237,746 pounds.

Why am I reading this? Nobody cares. The capstone lies at the top of the five slabs, which are astronomically aligned. An additional stone tablet, which is set on the ground a short distance to the west of the structure, provides some notes on the history and the purpose of the guidestones. In June of 1979, an unknown person or persons under the pseudonym RC Christian hired Elberton Granite Finishing Company to build the structure. Wow. In 2008, the stones were defaced with polyurethane paint. Death to the New World Order, like all that shit that we saw.

Wired Magazine called the defacement the first serious act of vandalism in the Guidestones history. I wonder if they cleaned that up. Can they clean that shit up? Yeah. I mean, you can still slightly see it. Oh, that's so annoying. Death to the New World Order. Jesus Christ.

Some fucking kids. Kids are crazy people. Death to the New World Order. Can you imagine if they said, okay, listen, man, we're going to give you a button that kills the new world order. Yeah. Okay? But before you hit that button, can you at least identify who you're killing? Yeah.

I mean, it's death to the new world order. What's the new world order? Is it the banks? Or is it the politicians? Is it everybody? Yeah, it's really vague right and if you kill them what happens to everything because if you go totally death to the new world order what are you gonna are you gonna run the banks who's gonna run the is there a bank now like how

do i get credit yeah what how do i use my credit card yeah you can't just like hit the button and then be like i'm gonna go get something to eat now. Because your credit card won't work. Yeah. It's over. It's over, dude. You've got to be careful. You can't death to the New World Order. Maybe enslave them and force them to work for us.

Enslave the New World Order and force them to work for us and fix this problem that they created. Okay, I'll be with you. I'm down with you on that. You can't death to the New World Order. At least can they just tell us how this thing is running before you kill them? I'd start with accountability to the New World Order. At least can they just tell us how this thing is running before you kill him? I'd start with accountability for the New World Order. Explain yourselves.

Death. Yeah. Meanwhile, would you ride out on the Georgia Guidestones, you silly fuck? The Georgia Guidestones are fascinating. I think it's interesting that they don't know who the dude is. Or unknown dudes or dudettes. Yeah, especially since they commissioned like a place to do it yeah like you don't tell anyone we were here well you could rock it that way in 1979 though

you know 1979 like there's no dna there's no credit cards there's no nothing a paper receipt with a carbon copy yeah maybe that was it was record. Yeah. People used to buy groceries with checks. Yeah. All the time. You would see women at the cash register, and they would be reading, okay, what's that? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. And they'd pay with a check.

That was super common. Now it's rare. When I see someone paying with a check, I get kind of excited. Really? Yeah. It's like a legacy thing. Like, whoa, you're not going to see that much longer. Yeah. It's kind of cool.

Yeah. It's always old people. Yeah, it's always old people. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or, you know, there's some housewives. You know, sometimes people, they like to balance their checkbook like that. That's how they make sure that they keep an accurate assessment of what's in there. But now you can balance your checkbook like you look it up online. Not balance it, but at least be aware.

You can do it pretty easily. Find out what your balance is the craziest thing is you can send a check on you can take a picture of a check and send it over the internet yeah deposit it using your phone well how about all these businesses now that have these phone apps that you you put a thing on your phone you swipe a credit card and you can pay for a credit card with your phone. Yeah. A lot of businesses have those things now. Square is like the big one, right? Yeah. That changes like merch.

Yeah. You can go, oh, I now accept credit cards on my iPhone. Do you have one of those? Because you have an LLC, right, for a death squad. So you have one of those you put on your phone? Anyone can get one. But do you have one? Yeah.

So you have one for like shows and shit when you sell T-shirts? Yeah, I've never really done that. Dude, why are you not doing that? That sounds perfect. Yeah. That sounds cool as fuck. I feel so independent. I'm my own business.

Yeah, I would... Wait, are you saying there's a problem? Do you not do it because there's some issue? No, it's just... If you're selling a $10 poster, usually people have $10. So it's not necessary. Somebody likes cash.

Yeah. How about we fucking next subject, you ship? Next subject. But no, it works good. I mean, my weed dealer sells it. Hey, easy, bro. Fucking throwing him under the bus, too. How dare you throw him under the bus?

No, it's cool. Like, every, you know, like, a lot of small businesses, like, small, like, mom and pop stores use that now. Instead of having the big credit card machine, they just have, like, an iPad sitting there that you just sign. Yeah, it makes sense. I went to a coffee place recently that you swipe your credit card and then you write on the screen. Right. You know, you write your thing on the screen. What's really crazy is that there's like these little tablets and it's all this really complicated

screen, high definition, touch screen, super accurate, but you're still like doing this thing with your fucking, you're putting your mark. That's how you prove it's you. That's so goofy. It is goofy. It's real weird that that's still the way we do it and it doesn't even matter anymore like that you don't there's no need to go through that on i did once i was because i was looking at one of these signing things i'm like there's no way it matters and i wrote in the signature box stolen card and i hit, and it totally worked. Yeah, it's just they want to get a record of you making a mark on that paper,

you making a mark on that screen. What do you think will happen? Because they're going to stop teaching cursive in school, and they're already starting to. Thank God. What's going to happen with signatures? That's a good question. That's a very good question. are we gonna how are we gonna sign things like if you never learn cursive what are we gonna

all have like codes do you think that the idea of signing things is ridiculous and isn't it kind of ridiculous the idea of signing things like you said you wrote it down we got it right here he said it like the idea that you're bound to an agreement these wavy lines yeah that you put on paper there's certain things that i think like business dealings like say if you and i decided to build a house together like nick and joe go into construction business and we decided to build and we have a business and the business is 50 50 and you know we pay for the same amount for this and that and we get the same amount of profit and you got that all worked out that kind of makes sense you know to do that but there's a lot of things

that you sign for like cable agreements you know or cell phone contracts or there's literally entanglements business entanglements when there's a contract to get a cell phone? I have to have a contract? Like, what is this? What am I agreeing to? I'm agreeing to, this is ridiculous. There's a whole documentary I watched on Netflix about terms and conditions

and all the things that you sign away the second you... Hey, look at them. Yeah. Who fucking reads that shit? Nobody, and that's why they get away with putting all kinds of insane shit in there. What's the documentary called? It's called, like, We're Fucked or some shit.

It's, like, something really terrible. I think it's called, like, Terms and Conditions, Terms and something. It's on Netflix. And it's pretty interesting that they go through all the different companies and, like, which ones, like, will sell your personal information because you've agreed the second you hit click yes on itunes or like you agree to apples the second you turn on your iphone or something like that they can store your information they can sell it if the government needs it

they used to be like we will not give out your information and then they've changed the clause to like you know unless like it'll be words like unless certain things come up what the fuck does that mean it just be anything unless certain things come up they're so vague about it like you know unless like shit goes down you're like you can't say that yeah it's just what is that that south park episode human cinepad where it's all about apples termness and conditions and it ends up like having like you signed you have to eat this guy's ass oh south park's the best yeah that's so great yeah nobody reads it i would i would like i would love to know what the actual numbers of people who read the terms and conditions before they click on it. Oh, it's going to be like half a percent.

If that, right? Because it's so much. That means half a percent is one person out of 200, right? Isn't that what it means? I think, well, yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one percent would be one out of 100, so half a percent is 1% of 200.

Yeah, yeah. Right? Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. So I don't believe that. So you think it's even less? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's probably not 1%, but like one-tenth of 1%. I bet it's 1 out of 1,000. That's what I bet. Yeah, that makes more sense yeah one out of a thousand actually reads the whole thing and goes hmm do i want to click on this let me see yeah it's on its reading glasses this fucking goddamn liberal president we have here trying to communize my country yeah yeah that guy will read it and they tell you

they tell you in the documentary if you've spent all the time reading every time like a new terms and conditions comes up for all the different things that make you sign one it would you it would take like years of your life you have to take like days off of work to be like dude i just signed up for netflix spotify and i got a new iphone so like i can't come into work today because i have to read like 860 pages of legal jargon yeah it should be at a certain point in time it should be that your method of delivery is so woefully ineffective that it's illegal like a terms and conditions on that scale if i could prove that my theory was correct and then it's like one half of one percent or one tenth of one

percent rather that that actually read that thing those should be illegal because you're making people sign things that they're just not reading. You know they're not reading it. You're misleading. You're intentionally making it more difficult. They make everything so rock solid in their favor. And even things that just shouldn't be that way. There's certain agreements. When you find out that any time you cancel,

any time you want to change this this you're subject to fees you're subject to that and you'll let you find out things like about your information your history they're selling your phone number or your email and there's so many things that happen to people when you sign those little things away but we do it recklessly yeah i don't ever think about it have you ever had an app that you clicked yes on then started making tweets for you yeah there's there's especially a lot on Android there's a lot of sketchy things that like you're installing so they can also track you like and whoever made this app can track you that's weird yeah I had a guy, he made some app that tweeted for me something about like a prize for an iPad, you know? And someone said, dude, do you hawk an iPad?

And I was like, what are you talking about? And then I went to my thing. I was like, what the fuck is this? And then I found out where it was from. This guy, I guess I had like retweeted something from a website. retweeted something from a website. Like sometimes when you retweet something, like if you go to a website and you click on a story or something that you think is interesting,

and there's like a tweet button. But if you tweet it, like sometimes you're agreeing to allow them to have access to your Twitter account, or at least used to be that way. Well, a lot of those websites, that's how they steal your password also, because you go in there and it could be like tweet this this story and this is like you need to log in right and what it's doing it's actually stealing your password and logging you in at the same time so it looks like

everything's going right and then that's how a lot of people get phished for their yeah i could only imagine but uh this dude somehow or another had like an app installed on my twitter it was like you know those those things that are attached to your twitter you know there's like evernote and you can tweet with evernote and there's a bunch of different ones yeah this guy had like this installed on my computer i was like what the fuck so i go to his website his website is like i'm you know his twitter page got like a hundred thousand fucking uh friends or whatever it is followers like like how's he doing that? It's just scams all around.

Yeah, you automatically add them probably. Yeah, I do a search to find out what kind of traffic his website's getting. Ridiculous traffic because there's all this weasel work going on. Yeah. Sneaky people that force you into clicking on things or trick you into clicking on things. Next thing you know, they're tweeting about iPad giveaways from your account you're like what and then you find out that that's legal yeah you you actually clicked on a thing that said you're allowed to do that

yeah it's bizarre like after watching that documentary it made me want to like just not sign up for a lot of websites where I'm like, do I really want that? Do I need that? Because I'm not going to read the terms and conditions. Yeah. Whoa. Brian Dunning sentenced to 15 months in prison. Who is that?

Ooh. Remember Brian? Yeah. Yeah, Brian Dunning was the guy. I had him on my podcast, and we had a very contentious discussion. It's sad to hear and he um he had a um an issue with i believe it was amazon right ebay yeah and he had created some sort of an app and if you use the app it uh it puts a cookie on your uh, like if you use it. It puts a cookie on your computer,

and then any time you go to eBay and make a purchase or do business, he would get like a kickback. And the way he described it and the way they described it is very different, so I don't know who's right or who's wrong. But what they're accusing him of is you plant something on your like a plant's a cookie and then even if you don't go to ebay through his website it appears that you did so they have like these ebay affiliates where say like if nickyusef.com if i went through that and then went to ebay and purchased something you would get like a little tiny piece of the action and over time

that counts that counts for a lot and because these apps were popular they counted for a lot and he made a lot of money five million whoa yeah he made five million dollars off this app and then they uh they shut it down and arrested him and when we had him on the podcast um i do not think he's a bad guy but there's something wrong with the way he thinks um and what i say that i say that with all all respect and dignity um communicating about a fellow human being like i don't hate that guy he's silly and he said a bunch of crazy shit about me um but i think he's i think there's something wrong with the way he thinks i think and i even communicated with him about that in private we had like a little email conversation he actually asked me about psychedelic drugs and he's curious about the

mind expanding aspects and we had a we we had a pretty intense conversation about it um because i think and i told him that i said with all due respect i think there's something wrong with the way you think like i don't know what it is but i think it's like a mental illness his his versions of reality and reality itself are so twisted like there was a video that we watched of tower seven from september 11th falling yeah and he was trying to convince us that it doesn't collapse into its base he was trying to convince us that only three quarters of the tower the three quarters of the tower is still standing it was only the top quarter or whatever it was he had some weird numbers in his head i'm like what are you talking about that that thing gives out and falls into a pile yeah like the reason why it's so high is because that's how much shit there is the whole thing's gone like the building

disintegrated it's not a cartoon or it all just vanishes yeah it's all on top yeah exactly it's a for rent sign it's a stack of shit the reason why the stack is so high is because there was a lot of shit above it it fell like this is retarded like this is but he wouldn't let it go and when i was looking at him when he wouldn't let it go it's like oh there's something wrong in there like there's a there's a missing thing and then when he started talking about his life it made way more sense because he was raised a very very conservative mormon like whole life, he was very religious and he's developed, his mind developed under this fundamentalist thinking that is super damaging to people. And that sounds like an ignorant bigot, an anti-religious thing for me to say, but just listen to this for a second.

I have friends that grew up Mormon, and they, to this day, tell me that they're really gullible, and they worry about it. They don't know whether or not someone is trying to pull a fast one on them. They don't know whether or not a yoga guru or a cult member could rope them in and suck them into things by telling them that they found the seat like they have this weird need to believe irrational things this is from this woman who tells me

herself it disturbs her she's like I don't know what it is but I have this weird like I'm susceptible to trickery I was like whoa I thought is a weird admission yeah and she was just like she like, as I've gotten older, and she's not dumb. She's like, as I've gotten older and I've talked to my other friends, I'm like, well, what is it about me? And she's like, because all my life, I thought that God had my back. All my life, I thought that God has everything covered and everything's going to be fine until over and over again, fucked up things would happen to her.

And she was forced to go, wait, what's going on here well and then she would see the ridiculous hypocrisy of the church she looked into the religion deeper and then got to be like your 40s and is looking at her life going fuck yeah like what is this and why am i why am i that guy is like that he grew up super religious when you grew up super religious like that especially if you don't have open-minded parents like there's a way i think that you could grow up with a sense of spirituality and still be very open-minded and maybe scientifically inclined but the reason why this guy is like such a skeptic he's like going after things like debunking things showing huh this is all nonsense ladies and gentlemen like have you ever seen his video on fracking?

Yeah, yeah. That's the perfect example of, there's like a no-nonsense voice that people use. And it's like there's a tone, there's like a very condescending way of communicating their ideas. It's the no-nonsense guy. And there's a lot of things that are misunderstood

about hydraulic fracturing, otherwise known as fracking. Have you ever seen it? Pull that video up. I believed it back in the day when I first saw it. What did you believe? That fracking was real. What do you mean? Or, I mean, not fracking. I'm sorry. Never mind. I believed it.

Fracking's totally real. They make a lot of money off of fracking son what did you what were you talking about those little things in the cameras I was thinking of that things in the cameras

remember like the lines oh you talking about like the rods rods oh yeah yeah no that's totally different that guy's mad at me

that rod guy the rod guy they've clowned him on that monster Quest show. Do you know what the rods are? No, no. There's a visual artifact that comes when bugs fly across a screen. Bugs move really fast.

And if you don't have a super high-speed camera, it can't capture the bug. So it elongates the shape of the bug because it's this little tiny thing moving quickly. And it looks like a translucent tube that's moving through the air. Yeah. And it's just a video artifact. A video camera is trying to capture high-speed bugs. Yeah. And this guy made all these documentaries about these things flying in the air, man.

And you can only see them on camera. They move too fast with the human eye, which doesn't make any sense. Because if I can see them on the camera, like the video, that's not too fast with the human eye. Yeah. Okay? I'm seeing the video of it. Like this is actually slower than the human eye can perceive yeah you know you the human eye sees shit you know like hey what is that fucking there's some shit flying fine you would see it this is so stupid like if you could see it in the video you would see it

in real life it's so dumb and he tried to run with a conspiracy oh he made documentaries me and eddie bravo got stoned as fuck and watched it. We're like, dude, what do you think these rods are? We're so high. We're so high. We're so ridiculous. We were going, what do you think they are, man? It's crazy that you can't see them.

I'm like, that doesn't even make any sense, man. It doesn't even make any sense. So you think they're everywhere? Yeah, they're everywhere. They're just moving so fast we can't see them. We were like, that's so crazy. Maybe we should put up a net. We should put up a net and try to catch them. Yo, they're so fast. They see the net. They're everywhere. They're just moving so fast, we can't see them. We're like, that's so crazy. Maybe we should put up a net. They might be flying through us.

We should put up a net and try to catch them. Yo, they're so fast. They see the net. They're gone. You're right. You're right. You're right. Otherwise, they would slam into planes and shit.

They'd be peeling them off of planes. Here it is. Listen to Brian talk about hydraulic fracturing. Then sand is mixed with the water and gets distributed throughout the cracks to prop them open. sand is mixed with the water and gets distributed throughout the cracks to prop them open. The water is then pumped back out, and now the gas can freely flow to the borehole. The controversy comes mainly from the fact that about one-half of 1% of the fluid consists of lubricants and surfactants. Okay.

You needed to get the sand system in. Controversy comes from the fact that people can't drink their water anymore, man. This hydraulic fracturing, that's one of those things you bring up in a conversation on podcasts, and people go fucking bananas. It's a global warming type issue. Really? Yeah, you know how global warming, if you believe in global warming, or if you don't believe in global warming, you're going to piss somebody off,

and you're going to get heated tweets about it. People get fucking furious. Because it's an ideology argument and people that abortion support yes people that support hydraulic fracturing support business you know you don't understand nick yusef you fucking hippie you understand business okay the way business gets done is it's cheaper to get that oil out than it is to rely on foreign oil and endanger americans like it's that sort of attitude it's cheaper to get that oil out than it is to rely on foreign oil and endanger Americans. It's that sort of attitude. And then there's the people

that are environmentally conscious go, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happening? How much water's getting polluted? How many wells are there? There's millions? Hold on. Wait a minute. You guys have a million fracking wells. There's a million. And it's causing earthquakes too? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa you

can't well what we need right now is not hippies what we need now is oil patriotism and oil i'm not pro or con fracking ladies and gentlemen i'm not opposed to putting a fence around a certain area of like south dakota where nobody goes and fracking the shit out of that bitch and not having to go to war for foreign oil. I'm not totally opposed to that. My problem is I don't think it's controlled. When you talk about, all right, let's guess. How many fracking wells are there?

Let's take a wild guess. They've been fracking in Ohio lately, and now we have all these earthquakes over there. Oh, yeah, proven. Yeah, proven. That's so scary. Okay, how many fracking wells in the U.S.? 1,000. That's so cute.

That's a really low number. Oh, that's so low. Or do I just look cute right now? You do look. You're a handsome bastard. But that, no, I'm saying it's so low, it's ridiculous. I bet it's more than a million. Oh, I would say a million.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think so. I would say, yeah, 5,000 to 10,000. That's it. Okay, you guys say in the thousands. What did you say? I said around 1,000. You said 5,000 to 10,000.

I said a million. Okay. I bet you guys are right. Okay, 2013. What's the numbers? What's the numbers? Over 1.1 million active oil and gas wells in the U.S. Whoa.

Wow. Alright, how many of them are fractured? Many people ask us how many wells have been hydraulically fractured in the United States. It's an excellent question, but not one that's easily answered. Most states don't release the data on well stimulation activities. Also, since the data are released by state regulatory agencies, it is necessary to obtain data from each state that has oil and gas data to even begin the conversation. We finally had a chance to complete the task and have able to be uh able to aggregate the following totals wow this is pretty nuts man there's a lot of fucking wells bro there's over a million

that's crazy dude that's scary man how is that a better idea than investing in like solar paneling and like alternate sources. I don't know. There's a bunch of different kinds of wells, though, so let me just clarify that. There's directional. There's a bunch of different types. Directional, horizontal, either direction or horizontal,

vertical, hydraulically fractured, not fractured, unknown, or shale formation. So out of all of these, all all of these it's a million but it says hydraulically fractured it says 130 but does that mean is only a hundred and thirty fracking wells as each state releases data differently it wasn't always possible to get consistent data on fracking wells these wells are known to be hydraulically fractured, but the slant of the well is unknown. Oh, I see. Okay.

They have a bunch of different ways that they get the water out, or get the oil out. This is fascinating shit, man. They go down, then they take turns. They'll go down, then they take left turns, or they'll go horizontally, or they'll go at an angle into the earth depending on where the where the rock is and where the oil is they're trying to suck out wow that's a crazy fucking thing man hydraulically fractured okay here it is wells that have been hydraulically fractured might appear in any of

the eight categories with the obvious exception of not fractured. So that's the only one that doesn't have hydraulically fractured wells included in it. So categories that are very likely to be fractured include horizontal, hydraulically fractured, and unknown shale formation. The total of which is 32,000 wells. That's most likely to be fractured. So they don't know, but at least 32,000. However, the number doesn't include any wells from Texas or Colorado, where we know thousands of wells have been drilled into major shale formations, but the data for which had to be placed into categories that were more vague so there's different states have different like regulatory bodies i guess the states that are

better to to fucking rape the earth in they probably are better off hiding the information too so it seems like um what they're saying is like 32,000 plus hydraulically fractured ones that they could locate that they know are most likely hydraulically fractured. But then there's a bunch of the other ones that possibly could. And the ones that aren't fractured, there's only 7,477 of them out of the 1,136,000. What's crazy is that they create earthquakes. Yeah. It's fucked. And then it's still like, nah, it's worth it. It's worth it that they create earthquakes. Yeah. It's fucked. And then it's still like, nah, it's worth it.

It's worth it. Totally worth it. It's worth it if you keep your family warm. Yeah. It's for America. Keep America safe, bro. America's safe. America's going to be a puddle of goo.

Yeah. A stinky puddle of goo and dead elk. Choking bison with their fucking legs over there. Gagging blood out. They have a new Ebola that comes only from oil. Right. Yeah. I don't know, man.

I just wish there was a better way to power shit. I wonder if there was no oil. Let's say that oil didn't exist. How far do you think civilization would have gone? Because there's no doubt that the combustion engine and making machines and trucks and engines and That's the reason why we became what we are today. There's this fucking chaotic mass Superorganism that we are right so if there was no oil if there wasn't an element on Earth

And the only kid I'd like plant-based oils like you know Sunflower oil or some shit yeah hemp oil you know which they use for lamps and stuff they use like different kinds of oils for lamps but no oil in the ground how far would things have gotten i don't know because how long would it have taken this is part of the conversation when brian checks out yeah he's seven um who knows like because how long would it have been before you'd found an alternate way like the electric car like how long did that take forever but you need it you need combustion engines to make all those things see what make an electric car yeah there's you need an engine

to take the parts to get the parts to the car manufacturer to deliver the stuff like those are all being delivered with trucks right like. This idea that you get an electric car and you're karma-free is nonsense. Well, no, that technology would have had to have been created for the manufacturing. Everything would have had to have been run electrically. Exactly. But how long would it have taken to discover? Forever. Without the motor to take the parts to put it together.

You had to pick up the tire somewhere and drive it. Those aren't electric trucks, you know? Yeah, it would have been like wagons for so many years. How would they have done it with oxen? Would it have had oxen pulling your fucking tires? Yeah. And then how are they going to figure out a way to power up these machines? What's going to fire up the electricity?

Are they going to use a dam? And the dam fires up the electricity for these machines, and these machines build this engine. And is there enough electricity to charge batteries? And where are you guys getting the batteries? Where are you getting the minerals that go in the batteries? You've got to go to Afghanistan, man. Yeah, you've got to drill for them.

How are you going to get to Afghanistan? The oxen can't swim. You've got to take a fucking raft and fill it up with minerals from Afghanistan and float back to America and build your stupid electric car? The battery would have been invented in like 1973. It would have taken that long. This is what Obama meant when he was like, when you started a small business, you didn't build that.

That's what he meant. The infrastructure. You cannot have an electric car without the infrastructure right they created batteries back in the egyptian days though yeah so they might might have been well i think they could have probably done something it would have been well those batteries were dog shit by the way everybody's like the batteries are amazing they weren't even iphone one they weren't even close they were stupid they weren't even duracell yeah those bitches couldn't even power a light like you couldn't like have like the the light that powers

your cell phone and like i went out to close my chicken coop last night and uh when i used my phone as a flashlight the new iphone has a like built-in flashlight thing yeah you slide this thing up and you hit that and boom you got you got a flashlight. It takes two seconds. It's built in. It's such a slick thing. You know? Go outside. That wouldn't work without a stupid Egyptian battery, big, goofy-ass thing you got to carry around in this pot with a copper core. Unless you made a big one like the size of a pyramid.

Use the pyramid as a battery the whole time. Can you imagine imagine that's what it was yeah soon our battery will be operable pyramids that was like one of the crazy conspiracy theory hypothesis the pyramid was a giant some sort of a power plant really yeah yeah yeah oh really of course i believe it if you can think it up somebody has like probably written blog entries about it yeah Yeah, that's true. It doesn't matter how kooky the idea is. If you could think up a kooky idea, somebody's written some shit about it.

I was thinking of bugs the other day because there was a praying mantis that was on my porch that just hung out the whole day. And he has these huge antennas. And I was like, isn't it weird that we don't really focus? These bugs have antennas on them. antennas and i was like isn't it weird that we don't really focus like these bugs have like antennas on them like in the future like we're gonna find out that these are like aliens that are communicating with each other through some well they might as well be aliens we just don't give a shit about them because they're little yeah we can just kick them out of the way they're little drones you know they're drones for aliens there's like these little what they are is a weird

little life form that shares the world with us that has no morals no ethics they're ruthless cold-hearted emotionless killers and they have a hard skeleton they don't need each other's touch yeah you know they have this very bizarre military organization as far as they have a queen you know they have they have the worker bees and they're they're building shelter and protecting the hive and they're weird man we just don't think of them as being so weird because they're little and we could fucking smoosh them like that but if a bee was big oh i know yeah but a lot of them it's like whole like if they all of a sudden became big we're like fuck and then we're like oh cool they only live for four days thank

god like that's that's neutralized soon yeah but there's so many of them yeah before we started killing them off with cell phones, cell phones and pesticides, apparently, are the big one that's whacked them out. Remember when you were a kid? Bees were everywhere. How often do you see bees? Have you seen bees?

Every day at my house. But do you see bees like you saw bees when you were a kid? Well, I haven't done it. Like, bees nest everywhere at my house. You do? Yeah. Really? Wow.

It sucks. Maybe you've got a sweet spot for bees. And wasps. Bee populations are pretty down, though, aren't they? Wasn't that like a major concern? Let's see. Dropping bee populations. Let's play another game.

I say bee populations are down by 40%. 40%. Wow. I would say 25%. 20%. 25%? What do you say, Brian? I would say 25. 20%. 25%? What do you say, Brian? I say it's up. I say I think it's all big conspiracy.

I think bees are going crazy. More bees than ever. More bees than ever. Go around Brian's house. In fact, we have a bee problem. We need to stop these bees. Okay, 30%. It's even crazier.

30% in the U.S., beekeepers experience losses of 40% or 50% or more. Wow. Whoa. Yeah, just as commercial bee operations prepare to transport their hives to the country's largest pollinator event, the fertilizing of California's almond trees. Oh, that's interesting. So I guess they hire people to go do that. Oh, that's interesting.

So I guess they hire people to go do that. They bring bees, and the bees populate or bees pollinate these plants. That's pretty cool. Wow. Spread out across 800,000 acres, California's almond orchards typically require 1.6 million domesticated bee colonies to pollinate the flowering trees and produce what has become the state's largest overseas agricultural export. I did not know that. Almonds are our largest overseas export? And why is that? Because weed's illegal, bitch!

If weed was legal, you don't think that people in, like, Portugal would be dying to get a hold of some goddamn California weed? But given widespread bee losses to so-called colony collapse disorder this winter, California's almond growers were able to pollinate their crop only through an intense nationwide push to cobble together the necessary number of healthy bee colonies. Wow, nationwide push. That's crazy.

That's how they grow almonds?'s insane it's amazing so cool i love when i find out something like this where i had no idea that they i didn't know that i thought bees they made they just made honey and you know they pollinated shit but i didn't know that they needed them to grow almonds yeah they're domesticated that's crazy man i thought they only did one thing they make two delicious items. They make almonds. Yeah, if it wasn't for them. That's amazing.

But these colonies were down, and that in order to pollinate all of their plants, they needed to bring in other bees. There's not like another possibility. They're like, no, no, no, no, no, we need bees. But what, isn't there another method? Let's put our heads together and, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're bees. But what? Isn't there another method? Let's put our heads together and no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're not going to grow. You need bees or it's not going to grow.

That really puts into light how important bees are, something like that. That really makes you realize like, oh, like if it's not for bees, there's not a lot of shit. Like you need those little cunty bugs. Yeah, yeah. That's bizarre man and there's this image on um the uh this uh yale site where i'm reading the story and there's this dude who's dressed up in this beekeeper's outfit and he's like handling these bees and moving them around and these uh and these uh california farms these uh onion. And you're looking at him, you're like, how is that much different than the Ebola guy?

What do you mean? I mean, he's got a fucking crazy suit to protect him as well. And that dude's fully suited up for an invasion of attacking monsters. Right. You know? What is that, Brian? That's Tony Hinchcliffe dressed up as a bee. He is a bee.

The greatest bee of all time what's what do wasps do anything positive or fuck up bees oh is that it yeah just wasps aren't they the ones that can keep stinging you as where it'd be like it's like one it's like a kamikaze mission it's like one and done wasps yeah have you ever seen that video The Japanese Hornets Killing the Beehive No Ooh It's the weirdest video ever man Wow

Because it's this If we put it on It'll probably get us Kicked off of YouTube right Is that how it works Yeah Wait really It's one of those ones

There's nature documentaries man They go after you And have you pulled from YouTube What Yeah nature documentaries People own them You know It probably cost a grip of money To film High speed video footage of some Japanese hornets fucking up some honeybees.

Right. But just do me a favor. Just Google Japanese hornets fuck up honeybees and check it out because it's amazing. They're monsters. They cut their heads off. They just cut the honeybees' heads off. And I think it was like 30 bees killed 30,000 bees, or 30 hornets killed 30,000 bees, something nutty like that.

That's like a serious war. But it's not a war. It's like you with a hatchet and a room full of babies. It's like no one's fighting back. I mean, they can't do anything. They just chop their heads off. It's like the Iraq War. Something along those lines.

The only way they can kill them is they have to overheat them. So what they do is they all swarm on top of them. They hold the hornet down and they keep buzzing. They buzz on him and raise his internal temperature until he dies. Holy shit. Yeah. That's the only way they can kill him. They can't kill him by stinging him.

It doesn't work. They can't get through their fucking armor. So they just turn the heat up until they die yep they smother them they fucking torture them it's the only way to do it what else would you do it's trying to eat your babies chop their heads off what the fuck it's crazy that these like invasions are happening with like on such a small level you think bees are like dumb bee just flying around making honey. And meanwhile, they're like, here's the plan. All right, we're going in and we're going to heat the fucking place up

until everyone dies. Well, no, the bees do that to the hornets. But what they do is say one hornet will be a scout hornet and the scout hornet will show up. And when the scout hornet shows up, that's when the bees swarm it. The bees swarm it and hold it down

and try to kill it. Because if they don't kill it, if it gets back to the hornet's nest and goes yo i found some bees that's when shit gets crazy that's when they fly back and fuck everybody up that's insane yeah that world the hornet bee you know i think of them as sort of the same sort of category these flying bugs that sting like that world is unbelievably ruthless yeah the fact that first of all the fact that there's their stingers kill them too right when they extingue a person or something it pulls out of their body like it's this giant sword that pulls out of their body and they die that happens when they have sex that happens when they sting yeah they only live to be

like a week old like if they're lucky. And if they sting you, they die. And then on top of that, like the female can sting all the time. Like the queen, she doesn't have to worry about her barb coming out. She can just sting all day long. But all she does is seek out other females. So she walks around the hive and smells each individual little honeycomb and those little combs where the bees grow up in. Whatever.

That's not a honeycomb. What is it? What are those things? It's not a comb. Whatever it is. Whatever those little pods where the larvae are growing. If she finds that it's a female, she uses her fucking stinger and stabs the baby. What?

Yep. That's what it's for. No other women. No other for. No other women. No other women. No other women. There could be only one. She's Highlander. Damn.

Yeah. She walks around and stabs all the females. And then fucks all the dudes to death. Yep. Fucks them to death. Jesus Christ. That bitch is gangster as fuck. That's a gangster bitch.

Wow. That might be the most gangster bitch of the animal kingdom. Right? I mean, probably. She's got a sword on her pussy. Because how many other, like, praying mantis, or black widows, I guess, right? Okay, here's a good question. Who would win in a fight, a praying mantis or a wasp?

Praying mantis. Okay. I'm going to go with the wasp. Wasp versus praying mantis. I'd say Praying Manus. Female Praying Manus decapitates her, like fucks the dude and then- Yeah, but those guys are bitches. I don't know.

Praying Manus versus wasp. Okay, there's a video. They wouldn't be able to probably reach around. Like if the wasp was like, I'm going to stab you in the back, the Praying Manus probably couldn't get it. Yeah. But maybe they have like hard skeletons that they can't be pierced by bees i'm gonna go praying mantis interesting is that your bird yeah i'm watching this praying man okay the amazing

thing is if only the wasp knew how vulnerable the praying mantis is could in numbers easily sting it to death but it doesn't the answer lies in the camouflage strategy of the mantis. Now the wasp usually visualizes the mantis among the foliage. The mantis is not seen as a threat to the wasp. Large female praying mantis, almost ready to produce her egg case, needs one last meal.

It's a European wasp. It says, the bullies of the insect world. Insect mimicry. So I guess that's the answer there. Fucking praying mantis. Here's a giant hornet versus a praying mantis. Oh, whoa. Dude, this praying mantis

fucked this wasp up quick. The wasp is walking around. It's pretty dope. I wish we could show it and not get pulled off of YouTube. Whatever happens to those when we get pulled off of those, Jamie? do we get back on? Yes and no. Yes and no.

This is worth watching, dude. Look at this one. Yeah, that's the one I'm watching. Oh, yeah. Praying Manus versus Wap. I'm doing it small in the corner. I think we could maybe get away with that. Well, Praying Manus is a gangster.

They fuck wasps. The wasps don't have a chance. He just holds them and starts eating them. That's what's really crazy. They fuck wasps. The wasps don't have a chance. He just holds them and starts eating them. That's what's really crazy. They're so strong, they just eat the wasps' back. Just hang on and eat them. Yeah, that's a fucking vicious, vicious animal. The world of those creatures is just so evil and alien.

We just don't think about it because they're so small. Yeah, on their their level it's like ruthless people like not people but the other animals are like they run scared but for us it's like a pair of vans can just take them both out at once yeah they're these other bees are swimming or uh flying around this praying man that's not sure how to save their friend but they don't know what to do while this wasp is getting just eaten alive yeah just eat in the back of his head it's horrific man he's just holding on to it and just eating it we just we're we're looking at it in this tiny scale so it doesn't seem that horrific but if a praying man is the size of a giraffe you know yeah and we saw it chase after a hippo and jack it yeah it was fucking up this

hippo in front of all the other hippos and there wasn't a goddamn thing they could do about it they just had to sit there and just deal with the fact that this huge mechanized looking beast taking chunks out of the hippo's head and they're like oh fuck do we go over there and save them? What do we do? That's why size in the animal kingdom is so relevant. Because when you get really low, wow, there's a praying mantis that's jacked that bee. They don't play games, man.

They don't play games. They're so strong. They just hold on to the bee and start eating them. Is that his death rattle? No, he's just trying to fly away. They don't play games. They're so strong. They just hold on to the bee and start eating him. Is that his death rattle? No, he's just trying to fly away. He's trying to fly away. Look how much stronger those things are.

That's like... He plants his legs. John Jones versus Bobby Lee. That's what that's like. That's what that's like. That's what kind of a battle that is. Just holds him. It doesn't matter what he does. You're not going anywhere.

And this praying mantis is a motherfucker, man. Just holds on to him and starts eating. Dude. Yeah, that's a weird world. It's just tiny, tiny, tiny so we don't freak. But if it was big, it would be way more ruthless than what we're seeing even amongst mammals, like predator mammals. When we see a lion take out a gazelle like I guess that's not as

creepy to me because they're mammals yeah if I saw a giant praying mantis take out a gazelle I'd be way more freaked out he's the way the way they look it looks more alien yeah you know yeah with their weird bugged out eyes and their crazy arms. And their antenna, some kind of weird internet. All of it, man. Yeah. If a praying mantis didn't exist and you got to see this, you'd be like, what? If this was a character in a movie.

You're like, what planet is this on? Yeah. That easily could be, if it was large, it could be an alien in a movie. Like the movie Alien, if that thing was chasing you, that would be just as scary. Oh, yeah. Big giant ass fucking crab arms. It's going to clamp a whole thing. They're probably designed after the praying mantis.

Some animal like that. Yeah, I bet there's probably definitely some influence. Yeah. Because if you think about bugs, bugs are just like what those aliens were like the alien they were like this emotionless ruthless thing that just like sort of popped out of the darkness and clamped a hold of you and fucking shot a tongue into your brain and sucked your brain out how is that any different than when we just saw that thing i know yeah you don't see any humanity because the eyes don't look the same they're not like yeah you

can't like identify with it you're like this is a foreign species and this giant tongue's coming at me to rip my heart out of my chest yeah yeah that's kind of exactly what it is like the difference between when we see like a cat eat a gazelle you know when you see a cat wow what is this praying madness versus hummingbird. No way. What happens? There's just three of them. Well, praying mantises kill hummingbirds, dude. Really?

Yeah, so hummingbirds are scared of them. There's a video of a hummingbird with a praying mantis in his mouth. It's really fucked. Or a praying mantis with a hummingbird in his mouth looks like they jacked him there right they're super small so they attacked him where did they attack him right here he is and those things are fucking aliens also hummingbirds yeah they're beautiful where does he jack them you know the smallest hummingbird is the size of like a dime really yeah i saw one i went to a i did a dissection uh oh shit oh dude this oh my god this wins holy cow did it explode look at that look at this it's waiting

and the hummingbird gets close and when the hummingbird goes for the food it attacks the hummingbird watch this it's like playing dead look at this food it attacks a hummingbird watch this it's like playing dead look at this swat oh look at this bam took him down it was a suicide bomber that's crazy that's like ufc that was crazy yeah that's what that's how scary those things are that thing was bigger than him praying manises they need a more threatening name. Yeah, right? Praying mantis. You're like, yeah, because it stands weird. And it also kills hummingbirds. Well, the prey is P-R-E-Y.

It's not like praying mantis. I think it is A-Y, right? Is it? Because I think the way they, yeah. Oh, it is praying mantis. The way they stand, yeah. I always thought it was praying. Yeah, because of what they do.

Like they prey on things. Yeah, it would suck if they spelled it pray and they were just sweeties. Praying mantis attacks snake. No! Yeah. No, they don't attack a fucking snake. Oh, my God. No way.

Snake. Yeah, if we get picked off YouTube, we give a fuck. Fucking play. What the fuck? I'm tired of this shit. Praying mantises also led the dudes to Bethlehem, if I remember. Dude, you're making shit up, man. No, I think that's real.

A praying mantis jacks a snake, a corn snake, about 10 inches in length. That's about what size my dick, son. We'll just keep on pushing it back and forth. Confused a little. Are you trying to trick the algorithm that ain't gonna work fucking silly bitch yeah i'll put it negative that shit ain't gonna work what did we just see whoa turn that back to regular i need to see what his approach was look he's upside down spider manning it that's insane he's upside down and he reached down and snatched a snake they're so evil bro incredibly the snake is

incapable of freeing itself from the grip of this six inch mantis that's amazing danger of being eaten alive by the insect that's amazing it's just eating it Upside down Look at that poor snake too He's like what the fuck nobody eats me I'm a snake man You're supposed to be a leaf I thought He's insane It's amazing how much stronger insects are Oh you pussy

No jujitsu Bad position What we didn't hear is the praying mantis Go tell your friends I'm letting you live Corn snake escapes. No jujitsu. Bad position. What we didn't hear is the praying mantis go like, go tell your friends. Yeah. I'm letting you live. Yeah.

Go tell your friends. I'm in town. Praying mantis versus tarantula? I don't know what it is. Dude. Praying mantis is a motherfucker. They're just showing off at this point. The next one's like, praying mantis versus teenage boy. You're like, what?

Praying mantis versus baby. Yeah. Praying mantis versus kitten. I bet that're like, what? Praying Manus versus Baby. Yeah. Praying Manus versus Kitten. I bet that's out there. Oh, that would be great. I bet it's out there. Is it out there? Yeah.

Shit. Versus Kitten. I gotta watch that. How is that possible? That's nuts. So the idea is that its hands are out like it's praying. Like it's like, oh my God. Look at this.

Praying Manus versus Tarantula. Jacked at Tarantula. It's saying, please come fuck with me. I dare you. It's just holding on to the Tarantula. I think once it gets those clamps on you, all those bugs are fucked. They can't do shit about it once it gets those clamps. That's weird, man.

Oh, no. Is that Catwin bad? Not Catwin. Really? This is crazy how strong that thing is. Oh no Is that cat one bad? Not cat one Really? This is crazy how strong that thing is Yeah cats are evil Look it just holds on Look it just hooked that fucking praying mantis' head

Or that tarantula's head And the tarantula's like let me go bitch It's like nope It's so much stronger Look it's just eating it Biting it's legs and shit They're praying for mercy Oh but the tarantula turns it around oh oh you got jacked son it's over he's jacked look he's upside

down writhing in pain oh is that the end yeah what the fuck who shut the video up there who guys an asshole who got bored at that point that's like the the height. I know. Is this a part one of a 10-part trilogy? Yeah. Two hours later. Scorpion versus Terran. Japanese bug fight. You know what? Japanese bug fight stuff.

Can you look up what the praying mantis is afraid of? Dude, you got to pull up praying mantis versus kitten. This is awesome. No, no, no. Don't worry. Don't worry. The kitten's fine. I got to see that.

But it's wild to see, man. It's wild to see. You see how gangster a praying mantis really is. That's how you see how gangster they are. I like my picture. You stay up with that. No, no, no. This one.

This one here. Praying mantis. Boxing praying mantis versus kitten. Sorry, this one. Boxing. Yeah, you got to see this. This is so ridiculous. Like, they're going to war.

The kitten and the praying mantis are fucking throwing down to the death. Yeah, this is it. Look at this. Look at this fucking praying mantis. He's not scared of shit. That kitten fucks him up. Bitch, what? Bitch!

Swat! Swat! But look at him. He's still up, still swinging at the kitten. The kitten doesn't know when to bite him. He's scared to bite him. Look at him. He's fucking him up, though. Pop,

pop, pop, pop. Look how tough a praying mantis is. It takes a blow to the head by something way bigger than it. Who is that guy? Speaking voodoo. Okay, don't do that, Brian. You ruined the performance. This cat's doing a great job. Praying mask is all fucked up. You got a standing eight count. Cat goes right back to him. Boom, body slam. We can jump.

That wasn't a jump. That cat bit him in the head. Look at him. He's still fighting back, though. It's crazy. And the cat is obviously scared of him a little bit because he's so fast. Oh, another bite. You're fucked up, son.

I didn't know they had, like, wings yeah look at that thing what a creepy ass alien bug one millionth the size of that cat it's still fighting back oh shit how many praying man in body weights in body body weight how many praying man this is does it take to equal that cat? That cat's about 10 pounds. Yeah. Praying mantis is about 2 ounces. So 16 ounces is a pound. Yeah, that's a lot bigger.

It's the mathematical equation. Okay, he just jacked it. He just jacked it. It's down now. He must have bit it in the head. Now he's like, what, bitch? It's on his back again. What, bitch?

What, bitch? What's up, bitch? What's up, bitch? I spot you in your head, bitch. Pop. The praying mantis is still trying to fight back. Dude. I want the camera to widen out and there's just like a circle of Filipino dudes betting money on the whole thing.

Yeah, probably. Right? That's a good thing to bet on. How long a praying mantis lasts with a cat. I had no idea until this podcast how gangster praying mantises were. I know. I want to know who preys on the praying mantis.

Who's their predator? Their direct predator. That's a good question. Predator to the praying mantis. Here's a mouse versus a fucking praying mantis. This has to be some kind of bird that's tougher than a hummingbird. Hmm. Yeah. What are the enemies of a praying mantis?

Okay, let's find out. Joe, check this out real quick because I don't want to show too much of this video because it's... Wait, look. Oh, we jacked a mouse. That's incredible. It's fucking crazy, these guys. Oh, my God. Show that again, dude.

Show that again. I don't care if they pull us off of YouTube. I need to see this. Look at this. Look at this mouse. It doesn't move. Bitch! Wow.

Oh, you sound now I can hear it. The mouse soon draws its last breath. It's an odd sight to watch an insect devouring a mammal. Whoa. Yeah, it is. That's the most gangster insect in the insect world. Period. It's got to be, yeah.

It's got to be. I mean, it doesn't have any Period. It's gotta be, yeah. It's gotta be. I mean, it doesn't have any venom. It's doing all this shit with no venom. It's just, yeah, it's got like those big praying manna's hands or whatever. It's essentially just doing jujitsu and eating it. Yeah. It just does jujitsu and then just starts eating.

He holds him in side control and just eats the shit out of him. Wow. That's insane. It's weird because the one that was on my patio, it was right next to where I was sitting the whole day. Did he swing at you? No, he just stared at me.

His head would look like when my girlfriend came outside. He would look over at my girlfriend and then look back at me. But I would walk next to it. It never flew away. It never moved. It doesn't move, yeah. Yeah. The only thing, the dog like trying to sniff it and it

kind of looked down at like get away from me it was probably wondering if it you yeah it's probably looking at you and go fuck you so big but I'm like later it's like boxing an oak tree or something like that like working out it was like I think he's vulnerable we just I feel like I could get him but it's not quite big enough yeah come. Come on, man. They're getting into modeling now? Look at that thing. They're modeling now? Look at that thing.

It's crazy. They're breaking into entertainment? That's dance. Wow. Progressive dance. Put that picture up again, man. I need to see that one. Look at the body on that thing.

It's so weird. What a strange animal. And how horrific would that be if that thing was horse-sized and was chasing after you? That's it going like, now what, bitch? Like there's something on the ground? Fucking mouse? Do you imagine the physical strength of one of those things if it was the size of a horse? Oh, yeah.

Dude. They'd be tearing apart cars. Here's the one that was at my house. Like, I'm going to hide in my car. No. And they'd just rip the... Pry that car open easy. That was yours?

Yeah. Look at them, man. Evil fucking bug. They're such a crazy... We're just so lucky that they're little. They're like the bugs from Starship Troopers, right? Yeah, kind of. That's like the best analogy.

Or the best... Yeah. They do look like them. They had to have been modeled directly after them. Oh, yeah. For sure, right? Those Starship Trooper bugs are fucking awesome. That was a silly movie, but what are you doing?

Brando before and after his role in Godfather, before makeup and after makeup. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow, that's amazing. Oh, so they made him look older. I didn't know they did that. He almost looks like a George Clooney-Brad Pitt combo right here.

Oh, he was a handsome man when he was young. What does that have anything to do with what we're doing? I didn't know they did that he almost looks like it like a George Clooney Brad Pitt combo right here he was a handsome man when he was young what what does that have anything to do with what we're talking about you goddamn conversation killing they were talking about a green bug that destroyed that Starship Troopers movie yeah was uh what that would that's very realistic in terms of like if there was an invasion by bugs we would be getting killed oh yeah if there's bugs like that do we even have like what kind of guns would it take to shoot down a giant praying mantis you'd have to have some fucking serious firepower like a regular rifle is not going to do it like if you shot a shotgun and a praying mantis

the shit would probably ricochet right off of it probably i wonder if they're like their armors and like paneling yeah i don't know if it's like a like an armadillo is just like straight through but they seem like they have like like batman has like panels so we can move around it seems like that's what they're like well i bet they grow shit back too i bet they're like lobsters and a lot of other bugs. When they snap off a wing or something like that, they just grow it back. You took this photo. Oh yeah, that was the praying mantis

that was in my yard. Yours is like brown. That one was like on vacation. I think he was being camouflaged. They can change color? I think so. Really? I didn't know that. Yeah, I think so. Okay, can mantis camouflage? Let's see.

Wow. That'd be cool. Yep, they can. Whoa. I had no idea. Yep. Defense and camouflage. Yeah, so that's what that thing was doing.

So that's what that thing was doing in my yard. If you look at it, it's on that stone ball, which is the top of a fountain. Yeah. And it blended in the exact same color as the ball. Wow, that is so cool. Yep. Pretty weird. Praying mantis can camouflage perfectly into an environment of sticks, barks, leaves, and flowers.

The mantis is almost four inches long. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The most evil looking one would be a red one. Oh, yeah. With a camouflage on to like, you know, something red. With those like crazy eyes. They can be green, brown, or a combination of colors to match their environment. It will molt every few weeks and then can take on the colors of its natural surroundings.

Wow. A praying mantis might even mimic the charred remains of sticks, weeds, or grass after a fire. Oh, God. That it started. With its dick. Swaying repetitively from side to side is a common

camouflage behavior of the praying mantis. It might be used to mimic the swaying movement of vegetation in the wind. Wow. Where was that? This is that video you posted about the... Oh, yeah. That was this gangster praying mantis at the commons.

Wait a minute. What's this? This is the parasite. Guy kills a zombie praying mantis revealing a huge parasite living inside of it. What? Oh, no, no, no. This is not what I'm talking about. I thought this was something else.

Oh, that's right. He killed it and there's something inside of it. Yeah, a parasite. Look at that parasite just coming out of it. Whoa. It's like a snake inside of it. Yeah, that's essentially like that movie The Strain. Back that up so we can see that whole thing pop out.

Ew, Jesus Christ. That's so weird. Welcome to the world of bugs. That's what this episode is. Nick Yusuf is hilarious and the world of bugs. Look at that thing. Also buy my new album. Yeah, also buy his new album.

And don't think about this black dick coming out of this. Oh, my God. Dead praying mantis. Wow. So when the body died, the parasite left it and just weaseled out. Wow, that is so fucked. Look how big that thing is, man. It just keeps going.

Well, it doesn't know what to do either. Yeah, it's so big. How was that inside of it? God, it's the entire body of the thing. That's incredible. And the mantis didn't look like it was fat or anything. And that spray that's on the ground, that's the poison, right? So it's rolling around in the poison.

It's still going. So that parasite controlled the... Like a zombie, he controlled the uh the mantis well there's an aquatic worm i don't know if that's the same one that it gets inside of a grasshopper and when it's about to be born when it reaches the right size it actually takes over the mind of the grasshopper and gets the grasshopper to commit suicide. So it hot wires... Look at that thing, man. It looks like a snake.

Totally looks like a snake. I would not swallow that. Yeah. You would for a lot of money, though, right? No way. You have to get paid to swallow that. Imagine how big it would grow inside you. Look at the size of it when that guy grabbed it and touched it.

That is some alien invasion type shit there. That's what that is. And what if there's a parasite living in that parasite? Dude, you're blowing my mind, man. It's getting too crazy. Yeah, right? I'm under. That's scary.

Like, there's parasites out there that live in humans. Oh, yeah. They just grow in your intestines. Yeah. That's bizarre. From live sushi. Oh, yeah. They just grow in your intestines. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's bizarre. From live sushi. Yeah, people get it from freshwater sushi. They say that you shouldn't really be chewing down too much salmon sushi.

That's where you can catch it. Like freshwater stuff that lives in freshwater. Yeah. Fuck, man. Check this out. This is creepy. Whoa. What the fuck, man?

Look at that face. Look at those eyes. It looks like digital. That's the last thing that mouse saw. Jesus Christ, what an evil bug a praying mantis is. The mouse is like, hi guys. That thing was clamping down on your face the size of a giraffe.

It's funny. It looks like a lot of models. How dare you? When it was a model. It's funny. It looks like a lot of models. How dare you? Like when it was modern, it really does. A lot of models look like aliens. Is that an eyeball? Third eye. Is that what it is or is it just like a...

Dude, it's even spiritual. It's totally spiritual before it eats you. And look at these antennas, like gold-plated antennas. They're dope as fuck, yo. Look at that. That is pretty cool. It's like braided. It's Persian.

Don't tell Maz Jibani that joke. Bro, that's so racist. Yeah, yeah. Why does it have to be Persian? Why can't it be Mexican? Because go to Studio City. That's why. Go walk around there.

That didn't even look real. Yeah. When you see them on a large scale you get a sense of what it really is when you see those fuckers it's not trying to kill a frog no it's just hanging out on top of a frog wow they're like buddies it's like i need a ride wow those things are amazing a lot of pictures of frogs and them being friends that is a a gangster bug, but I kind of like that the tarantula jacked it. Because that was a battle to the death, and the tarantula won. The tarantula reversed position and sunk those teeth in there. I wonder if in nature, though, who would have won. Because it's camouflaged.

You know what I mean? Because that was in a kitchen. Yeah, it looked like they set that fight up. Right. Before they turned on the camera, they broke one of the mantis' legs and like, all right, go. Yeah, I wonder if the praying mantis would go after something as big as a tarantula in the wild. Yeah. It seems like they're just so evil to go after anything that's in front of them.

The fucking things are attacking birds. I know, and mice. And mice. And they win. And a fucking cat. Yeah. It's just crazy. Yeah, they and mice. And mice. And they win. And a fucking cat? Yeah. That's just crazy. Yeah, they don't give a fuck.

They go after cats. Like, every animal has another animal they run from, where they go, whoa, shit, all right, I'm out of here. Yeah. I thought we owned this area. That praying mantis didn't even try to fly away. It has wings, right? They have wings.

Yeah. And it's like, nah, I'll just fucking take my chances here, took it out. Come on, cat. Come on. Come get some of this. wings yeah and he's like nah i'll just fucking take my chances here duke it out come on cat come on come get some of this come get some of it stab your fucking stupid nose just duking it out with this praying mantis on the sidewalk dude that's crazy that's like seriously that's like you fighting a house yeah Yeah. That's like you fighting like a giant elephant. Right.

Like a semi-truck. Come on. You're smaller than, you're bigger in comparison than you would be, you know, if you were fighting an elephant than that thing is to that cat. What is this? Wait, do you see the mantis? Oh, yeah. He's like tucked away in there. Like a flower. to that cat. What is this? Wait, do you see the mantis? Oh, yeah.

He's like tucked away in there. Like a flower. What an evil fuck. He's pretending to be a flower. What a creepy ass fucking bug. He looks exactly like the color of the flower. Totally blended in. And to hide is something beautiful too Look at this. That's what they say about the dad's

Incredible and look at this fly like oh, you know just hanging out nothing bitch Look how quick it did that you can't even see it. Oh And just eat your face eat him live Wow Dude back that shit up so we could watch that one more time Oh, and just eat your face. Eat him live. Damn. Wow. Dude, back that shit up so we can watch that one more time. What a bizarre animal. You really can't tell. Yeah.

Brilliant. Look how brilliant it is. It looks so much... I mean, even the highlights. The pink highlights like a flower. Oh, bitch. That's so fast. That's so fast.

You can't see shit. Oh, my God. That's pretty. It's beautiful. That's like the most beautiful image. Yeah, the most beautiful video of something killing something ever. I know. The colors, like the white with the blue.

Oh, my God. Look at that one. What? That's incredible. That is incredible. Wow. It's like we're looking at this image from the Rogan board. Yeah, it's gorgeous.

To take shape as like one of the most beautiful images. Yeah. Like who doesn't like a flower and they did it perfect like with with perfect highlights like i would have never thought like if you showed me a photo of that and i didn't watch the video i've never thought there's a praying mantis in there i would have bet you a lot of money oh yeah what are the odds there's a praying mantis in there None Zero It's a flower You fucking idiot You don't even know What a manis looks like

Come on you want to bet Where would it fit In that flower Don't be retarded You really think It can look that No it looked exactly like it You know what that means

If they were the size of humans They'd be like taking Like the shape of like Cheeseburgers And like all kinds of stuff They would look like The guys from Duck Dynasty They'd be wearing camo

Right Look at that I'm walking here Look at that Look at that and all kinds of stuff. They would look like the guys from Duck Dynasty. They'd be wearing camo. Look at that. I'm walking here. Look at that. Look at that. That's so weird. That's so weird that that's a real thing. Why can't people do that?

We're lucky people can't do that. They would be eating people the way that Manus is eating flies. They're just camouflage. Yeah, that would not be good. People would be hiding. That's true. Hiding in your bushes and shit. Yeah, that would not be good. People would be hiding. That's true. Hiding in your bushes and shit. There's like six people in here that were like... People would be blending in.

Like that character on X-Men. Mystique. Yeah, Mystique. How come they have a new Mystique and they didn't even bring that up, by the way? What do you mean? How'd they go from Rebecca Romijn Stamos age? She got too old? Oh, because it's like a prequel. Yeah, doesn't matter.

It's a different person. Don't they have CGI? They can turn one guy, you know, they can turn people into the Hulk, and you tell me you can't CGI that chick to look exactly like Rebecca Romijn's Deimos? Right. Come on, son. That evil fucking thing. What's it eating there?

Ice cream. I don't know what that is. It looks like some sort of a bug. It's pulling a pin off a grenade. It's eating a turkey leg he's at the renaissance renaissance fair renaissance fair bug I think the bug world is the creepiest world

in all of nature second only to the fish world fish world's pretty creepy bugs look so creepy and they're able to like they have multiple hands, tentacles, all these things. Yeah. And fish, because you know, you're like, well, if it's out of the water, it's over.

But a bug can just get in your bed, sneak in your house. What's the world's largest bug? That is a good question. If you had to guess, who would you say the world's largest bug is? The iPhone. Mwah, you fucking baby. World's largest bug. It's probably like some kind of cockroach.

I would say beetle. Or beetle, some kind of something like that. That half-life thing. Oh, my God. That pill bug. It's just, oh, my God. Does it look like a pill bug? It's so big.

This is a gross animal. Look up the world's biggest insect is so huge it eats carrots. What? It's so huge it eats carrots. Look at this thing. Whoa. That's like a... Exactly. That's a great sound.

That's real. Wow. It's a giant weta. W-E-T-A. Hmm. Ew. It came across the cricket-like creature, which has a wingspan of seven inches. After two days of searching on a tiny island, Lake Barrier Island in New Zealand,

it only lives there. It was wiped off the mainland by rats accidentally introduced by Europeans. Pull that picture up again, man. Here's another one man it's like a big grasshopper yeah right that thing's gross gross it's like a crab or like a lobster or something which are related by the way see I was thinking it was gonna be something like this which was like a pill bug I thought that's pretty big too. That's a Madagascar hissing cockroach, isn't it? I think that's what that is.

They get pretty big. Didn't you eat one of those? Yeah, I ate one of those. Not that bad. See, this is what I thought it was. Oh, yeah, those creepy things. They're like cephalopods or something like that. Is that what those are called?

Like land otters. Yeah, those things have been around for a long time. Bad eating habits. Yeah, they live on tornadoes. Yeah. They hate cool range. It's the stoner variety. What's the technical name for those things?

What does it say in that image? Lossopod? Lossopod? Lossopod? Remember that? Isopod? Isopod. Isopod, yeah, that's it.

Jesus Christ. Look at that. Damn. Itopod, yeah, that's it. Jesus Christ. Damn. It's a lobster. It's like a land lobster. That's bigger, obviously. Yeah. So that must be the biggest. But that has like more than, isn't eight legs are more considered like an arachnid?

Yeah. Insect is six? Yeah, I don't know. Is that how it works? Yeah. Insect being six, yeah. That makes sense. Right, or like arachnid is spider by the way this is nick yusuf's new cd oh what is it called yeah i forgot about

my own album it's called uh stop not owning this oh that's a smart way to market it oh yeah really stop not owning it ladies and gentlemen itunes and allthingscomedy.com. Please purchase it. It's my first album, and I'm very proud of it. Nick Yusuf, old school comedy store veteran. Yeah. Dude, you go back. I know you from, when did I meet you? Probably met you in like- Parking lot of the comedy store in 2002, three. You used to work there. Oh, yeah. You did the whole stint, like Ari, like a lot of guys oh yeah that's how i met ari duncan i worked the phones he was the talent coordinator duncan did the full stint oh i know that's a good stint for comics that's the one place where a comic can get a job like doing comedy being surrounded by degenerates on a constant basis and eventually become a professional comedian to have his own comedy CD. Exactly, yeah. I love those stories, man.

I love watching guys come up in L.A. That was one of the few places where you'd see guys come up. Joey Diaz is starting to do the Comedy Store again. I love that, man. This is a strange dilemma. Since Tommy has decided to move on to the next story. Move on to the next stage of existence. We did a great Ice House Chronicles Friday, by the way.

Tammy Pascatelli, Hannibal Behrs, everybody came in because everyone wanted to talk about it. Everybody wanted to talk about how ridiculous Tommy was? Yeah. It was a great episode. Did anyone defend him?

You know, everyone kind of somewhat defended him as being, you know, like this mysterious person, and it's probably going to be the end of that part of the comedy store where it's like, ooh, it's haunted, and oh, Mitzi. But I think, you know, I showed a couple of the videos that I made, and I think that kind of silenced everyone. Like, yeah, he was crazy. Well, don't you have...

Here's the deal, though. To take that job and to try to keep up the legacy of that famed institution of insanity, you've got to be a little crazy. Nobody else wants that job. Nobody else would have done that job. They would have turned it into some sort of a corporate whatever, fill in the blank, sugar shack.

The Sunset Chuckle Hut. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it could have easily been something that it isn't. What it is is a very, very bizarre place. As far as comedy clubs go, one of the most bizarre places of all time and one of the most historical comedy clubs ever in the world. Oh, yeah. As far as the art of stand-up comedy,

how many historical comedy clubs rival the Comedy Store? Very few, because it's in the same location. You know, you have, like, a few other ones, like the Ice House that's older. You have the Comedy Magic Club, which is older. The Laugh Factory, which has a lot of historical significance. But Laugh Factory's not the same. The Laugh Factory is not the same the laugh factory

is not just it's a good club it's a great club to work at but as far as like like a place where when you're there you're like holy shit i'm at the goddamn comedy store you know that was the mecca because the store like produced comics with the ice house and the other ones just have had them come through exactly you know yeah the store is is one of the only places that produce comics, all because of Mitzi. Yeah. You know, that lady, she helped a lot of comedians, me included. Yeah.

She helped a lot of comedians. I think if they just keep the open mics as strong as it is there, I mean, like Sundays and Mondays there, they have a really good open mic program. Kill Tony on top of that is really good for the open mic. I think you'll still be able to make new comics there and it will still be a good place for comics and comics

as employees. Letting them graduate through the system. Now that you've removed some of the crazy aspect as far as the real negative crazy. There was just too much ego and madness. Just too much intolerable madness is the best way to describe

it. You're not dealing with rational people. You're dealing with someone who's intolerably crazy. And it's not that the whole intolerable crew is removed. There's still some intolerable behind the scenes folks. But it's way better now. It's at least gotten 50% better. And that other

group you never see ever, ever, ever there. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah. And you could also go online and see when they're out of town. Yeah, but that makes you seem like a stalker. You know, I love the improv, man. I did one thing that changed my act quite a bit is when I left the store and I started doing the improv, I found audiences that aren't heckling.

They're not constantly heckling. They actually have crowd control. Yeah. And then I also noticed that they have two shows a night. They'll do an 8 o'clock show and a 10 o'clock show, which is way better for the audience's attention span. And it made me realize the comedy store is like lifting weights with a weight vest on running up a hill. Right. The comedy store is like lifting weights with a weight vest on running up a hill. You know? Right.

When you get through that place, the great thing about that is you go anywhere else and you're fucking golden. Yeah. The regular audiences will be so much easier than the audiences that you deal with on a weekly basis at the store. Oh, yeah. Going up after 12 comics, five, six of them are just crushing. The crowd's drunk.

They've been there for three hours and if anything topical happens by the time you get up on stage it's been discussed 50 fucking times yeah there was a one time when ari was working there and the um chinese uh fighter pilot crashed with an american fighter jet and the guy's name was wong way that was his name w-o-n-g-W-E-I. Everybody did a joke on him. Nobody saw anybody else's set, but everybody came in and did a Wong Wei. Is this real life?

Wong Wei. Do you know what the guy's name was? Wong Wei. And at a certain point in time, the audience was like, are we being trolled? Is this like an inside joke? Do they not know that everybody before them has done a Wong Wei joke? Right.

Even crowd work sometimes. Yes. If you go up, like, where are you from? And someone else will answer. He's from Lancaster. Yeah. How the fuck did you know? Because he's been asked ten times.

Yeah. I love the fact that this happened because it seems like a lot of comics are coming back to this place that didn't really want to come here. By the way, Tosh wanted to apologize for shaking your hand weird the last time you saw him. Daniel? Yeah. What? But it was cool seeing Tosh and seeing...

What? Yeah, he said, tell Rogan I'm sorry about how I shook your hand. What is he talking about? He's an interesting guy. He's a great guy. He seemed very... I love that dude. He didn't shake my hand weird at all.

I don't know what he's talking about. He told me to say that too. Comics are super sensitive, man. Comics are super sensitive. there's weird shit that'll stick in a comic's head and then they'll bring it up like you know there was this time where you know i said this thing and i probably shouldn't have said like what are you talking about like i don't even know what the fuck you said yeah like oh i made a joke about something i really didn't mean it i'm like i don't remember it at all so let's like you're you're carrying on to that like you're holding on to like something they said that you might misconstrue as a slight or as a joke that

you might not take it well some comics are like super sensitive oh yeah because you saw what you want to be like you know liked and respected and you're just like always worried about saying the wrong thing because no one knows who you are yet and you're just like i want to make friends make a good first impression but a guy like daniel tosh like he shouldn't oh yeah that's that's weird multi-millionaire i know awesome beautiful man he's a good dude it's fun to be around too he's hilarious too he's like kender when you talk to him about like other comedians and shit like he was ragging on this one comedian that he's had difficulties with it was goddamn hilarious brian callan and i were crying laughing it was really funny that's funny yeah very

interesting but the um you know the improv has guys like that they're there all the time i wonder if guys like that will start showing up at the store now too yeah david spade was there yesterday did he do a set is he doing stand-up again i guess yeah how was it it was all right he was working on a couple new bits he had like notes up there with him so but like he had some funny stuff about like going skiing for the first time he had like a story on that and all the names of all the slopes were like these like horrifying like evil names like hitler's abortion was the one of them just stuff like that it was really funny but you can tell he's developing it. It's interesting to see him

do stand-up live. He probably took some time off doing a lot of TV and movies and shit. A lot of those guys, they lose their chops. They have a hard struggle to try to get back. Norm MacDonald's been there a few times. Norm's been coming there.

I love him. If he comes, I'll kidnap him and drag him to this podcast studio. I love Norm. I'd love to do it, but what time? I don't drive. What time does that say? He's a character, man. He's a character.

We were on a plane with him once, and all the way on the plane, he's talking about how he quit smoking. Yeah, yeah, quit smoking. He lands, immediately goes and buys cigarettes. Brian, let me bum a cigarette. He immediately ran and got a pack of cigarettes, and he was outside. I guess I'm smoking again. That's so funny.

But the funniest guys are like that, man. They're just nutty. Yeah. They're just nutty. That comes with the territory right so have you been asked a million times if you'll go back to the comedy store how that at least 10 all right not a million but at least 10 and do friday kill or monday no it's not that's not happening that's not happening but uh i'm happy i'm happy that uh the place will get more normal yeah yeah that's for

sure and this this would be more relaxed there's just too much insanity there with that guy running shit absolutely he was you know i don't hate the guy but there's just certain levels of intolerable bullshit where you're just like okay you're too crazy you're too crazy to run this matter of time well you know that clip I'm more talented than anyone here wow yeah

I'm the most talented person in this building yeah god yeah you don't know how much power and money is behind me that's right the building likes me yeah

so happy yeah That's another building likes me. Yeah. So happy. Yeah. Someone was saying, like, it would have been great if the way they fired him was they bring him into an office and they go like, well, it's not just that, Tommy. They start with that and then they fire him. It's just not that. And then he goes, no, it's not that. It is just that this time. You're done how much

a tour are you doing um not as much as I'd like but I'm going to Chicago with Ari at the end of

August oh shit oh shit to do Zany's where you guys going Zany's downtown that's a good spot yeah

we're doing one night and we're gonna hang out in the city for a couple days beautiful I opened for Bobby still which is good um Bobby Lee Bobby Lee That's a good spot. Yeah. We're doing one night, and we're going to hang out in the city for a couple days. Beautiful. I opened for Bobby still, which is good. Bobby Lee?

Bobby Lee, yeah. Beautiful. He's pretty good to me, yeah. He's a good dude. Yeah, he really is. He's one of those guys that is good to younger people. Yeah. A lot of guys get to the top or wherever, and then they either quit stand-up or they don't have any time for newer guys and stuff.

But he's always been super cool. Yeah, he got shit on a little bit when he was coming up, so I think because of that, he had a bunch of issues with guys that he was working with that either didn't pay him or fucked with him. So he's super nice to people that are coming up now. Yeah, it's pretty great great he takes care of comics and like he gives like even like way new comics that are like oh i'd like to like open for you on a local thing and he'll like you know let him have a few minutes

just because he knows you know he remembers what that was like like yeah doing an not an open mic of any kind you know there's gonna be 80 people there like 200 they're like you know and he's like because it'll be like something local and he's like yeah if i can come down do five minutes yeah camaraderie between comics is one of the coolest things yeah it's one of the coolest things because it's uh one of the things about the store as well as a store because everybody we're all hung out there like you really fostered that sort of camaraderie yeah there was so much fun just in that back parking lot area just the hilarious conversations that we've had back there yeah you know that was just uh it was a mad mad club are we running out of time three minutes left three minutes and we

turn into a pumpkin so everybody go buy nick uses yusuf's new cd and it is what is it called why stop stop not owning this stop not owning this and is it available on itunes it is, what is it called? Why Stop Not Owning This. Stop Not Owning This. And is it available on iTunes? It is on iTunes and allthingscomedy.com. For those of you who hate iTunes, I also get more money if you buy it on allthingscomedy.com. But if you're an iTunes guy, totally go there. It's on there. Rate it and review it.

I think that helps, right? Yes. Yeah, it'll definitely help. And this will help too. So Nick Yusuf, follow him on Twitter. It's Y-O-U-S-S-E-F. That's Y-O-U-S-S-E-F. And Nick is spelled normal.

N-I-C-K. Nothing crazy. Yeah. N-I-Q. N-I-Q. Well, hey, man. Thanks for doing this. This was fun, man.

We've got to do it more often. Yeah. I love it. Definitely, right? We learned so much about praying mantises and all this great shit. Fracking. I didn't know anything about it. This was fun. We've got to do it more often. Yeah, I love it. We learned so much about praying mantises and all this great shit. I didn't know anything about it. This was fun. It was actually sort of like work in some way. I think we hijacked the system.

Nick Yusuf, ladies and gentlemen. Powerful Nick Yusuf. Please go out and buy his shit. He's a very funny comedian. Thanks to our sponsors. Let me pull them up because I don't have it on my thing anymore. Squarespace.com Yeah, Squarespace. Thanks to Squarespace for just nothing but positive feedback. I don't have it on my thing anymore. Squarespace.com. Yeah, Squarespace. Thanks to Squarespace for just nothing but positive feedback. I haven't heard one person say anything

bad about Squarespace, which is a beautiful thing. And if you go to Squarespace.com forward slash Rogan, is that it? No. Squarespace.com, enter in the code word Joe. So for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase, go to Squarespace.com and enter in the code word Joe. And thanks also to, who else do we have today? Ting. Ting. Go to Rogan.Ting.com and save $25 off of any of these new fantastic cell phone devices that Ting sells. That's Rogan.Ting.com, the official cell phone provider for the Joe Rogan Experience podcast. Thanks also to onnit.com.

Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements. Tomorrow, Shooter Jennings, son of the great Waylon Jennings. That's right, bitches. Respect. Until then, much love and big kisses. See ya. Ah!