The Joe Rogan Experience - #544 - Dom Irrera

Episode Date: September 3, 2014

Dom Irrera is a stand up comedian, and also hosts his own podcast called "Dom Irrera Live from The Laugh Factory" available on Spotify.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Join my name, Joe Rogan, podcast my name, all day. Dominic, me brother. Hello, Joe, for fuck's sake. Look at you sitting up there in your high horse. Yeah, he asked me if I was David Letterman in him. I should tell everybody about this chair. This is my latest device to try to mitigate back pain from sitting,

and it's called the, I think it's called a Sally. Yeah, S-A-L-L-I, and it's called the uh i think it's called a sally yeah s-a-l-l-i and it's a saddle chair it's like a saddle so if you see how it's sitting here no no one's endorsing this i'm just telling you it feels i'm gonna tell you this they would hate me endorsing this because it feels like shit it's like the least comfortable chair i think i've ever sat in the anti-commercial but it's very good for your back and make sure you like you can't sit any way other than like this like you have to sit like straight up you can't like slouch in this thing it just doesn't support it and when i sit in a regular chair by the end of the podcast my fucking neck starts to hurt like my back like around here where i've been injured

starts to hurt this wouldn't that like stretch your asshole out though and like around here where i've been injured starts to hurt wouldn't that like stretch your asshole out though and like that's what i'm trying to do trying to make it easier for if i ever do wind up going in the pokey i want to be just gaping soon um no it doesn't do anything your asshole you fucking idiot well i mean look like look how you're sitting though it's like your butthole is oh i'm squeezing no this is you're not listening you the whole idea behind this is it's like a saddle. If you sit in a saddle, you actually kind of have to hold yourself in place. So by squeezing your legs together, it's not opening your butthole.

You're actually squeezing everything tight. So if you were a gal and you wanted to have one of these, I figure it would probably be good for the old vajayjay. Probably tighten that baby up. Women are supposed to do those Kegel exercises. Not supposed to. Supposed to if they care about treating a penis correctly with their vagina. They do those Kegel exercises where you squeeze your vagina and you can actually make it stronger. There's some crazy bitch in Russia that's, like, the world record holder for the amount of weight she can carry with her pussy.

But it's something substantial, like 50 pounds. pounds so she shoves a dildo in her pussy attaches it to a fucking kettlebell and uh and does squats holding this this dildo in her in her box just with her shield pussy like grabbing it like that is anybody else getting hungry yeah i don't know why i'm getting peckish well you know did you ever hear of honeysuckle divine yes yeah it's the one that used to shoot ping pong balls and eat a tuna fish sandwich. Yeah. Where was that at? Where did she do that? I know she did it at the Trocadero in Philadelphia because when we were kids, it was like this

big joke about Honeysuckle Divine. But I was up at the rib and they were shooting a porn. And these porn girls need so much attention, obviously. And they didn't have anything else to do, no more conversation. So one girl sits in a bar, she goes, do your trick you know the the container there's cigars put in she jams that in and she just pops it out but she hit the girl too hard it was so funny the girl's face is there and she goes boom the girl goes fuck out big red mark on her face how do you explain that she can shoot it out of her pussy so hard it hurts.

Yeah. Did you see that fucking mantis shrimp that I posted on my Twitter page yesterday? No. You got to see this. This is the craziest fucking animal I have ever heard in my life. If you scroll down, a guy named Mike Jackson Esquire, the Truth Jackson on Twitter sent this shit to me. And it's a murder mantis shrimp. It's a shrimp that has a built-in weapon.

It's not actually a shrimp. It's like they explain what it is. It has a built-in weapon. It has this thing where its body's got a spring inside of it. It's got two hammers. And it shoots the hammers out and slams onto like crabs and kills them breaks their shells open breaks open clams and crabs it is the wildest looking thing i've ever seen in the ocean somewhere it's called them they call it the

mantis murder shrimp and they have a video in slow motion explaining how this shrimp i never heard of it i never heard of it either until yesterday this guy uh who is explaining it we should give this guy's youtube page whatever it is is that him it's smarter every day smarter every day it's called mantis murder shrimp yeah watch scroll it back just a little bit before right where you were just a little bit there and it'll show you watch how this thing does it's turn the volume up watch how it comes out it whacks this crab and fucking kills it. Fucking knocked it out. Watch this.

Look at this. Wow. Isn't that nuts? It's got two hammers on the end of its claws. That's cool. I never knew a thing like this existed. That's cool. How could that be kept from us all these years?

All these years. There's so many animals. Look at it. The crab is smashed. It crushed the shell of the crab. It's crazy. That thing has been there in the ocean this whole time, and we never heard about it until 2014.

There's too many things to pay attention to. That's why I come here to this podcast. To learn about shrimps that fuck people up or fuck things up. Yeah, it's not actually a shrimp. It's like something else. They call it a... Here, I'll Google it and find out what the fuck it actually is. But incredible that you're just finding out about this.

It's like boxing gloves almost. Yeah. So it looks like... Like hammers, right? Yeah. Look at that. So the podcast is Smarter Every Day, or the show is Smarter Every Day. It's a really well-done show, too.

Wow. They did a great job of explaining the mechanism that this thing has inside of its body. It's essentially like a spring. It pulls this thing back, and then it holds it in place. It's like locked, and then when it gets close to things, it just releases it. Imagine how hard it has to hit you because it's underwater. Yeah, that's right. So that slows it down. Yeah, and deep underwater, too. It's not like it's blasts it. Imagine how hard it has to hit you because it's underwater. Yeah, that's right. So that slows it down.

Yeah, and deep underwater, too, you know? It's not like it's on the surface. You're dealing with a lot of pressure. Amazing. Really amazing stuff. The world, Dominic. Oh, I chill every day. There's so much.

I learn something, and I forget something else. The last time we worked together, we did Kill Tony at the Ice House, because I still don't go to the comedy store. But the Ice House version of Kill Tony, you and I, that was more fun than I've had doing a podcast in a long time. That was really fucking fun.

So silly. The premise behind Kill Tony, folks who don't know, Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redband have this podcast where they do everybody does like a minute. Like you have new comics, they go up and do a minute, and they have these two girls, what are their names again? Sarah Weinshank and

Kimberly Condom. Very funny gals who do a free, not a free, a new rather, minute every week. Which, if you've ever done stand-up before, it's hard to do. Yeah, it sounds like a new minute's easy, but they don't get a chance to really develop it.

It's just every week they do a new minute, and they've done that since the very beginning. So their entire stand-up career has essentially been just doing stand-up on the internet in front of everybody. That takes balls. It does. I was a little mean, I thought, but I was having fun. You had to be if you've got to go for the jugular. Go for that jugular. I love guys that had a minute and they came up with 35 seconds.

Yeah. They couldn't fill a minute. And they're like, okay. So where are you guys from? Well, if you stare at your mirror and you practice for a minute, it's most likely not really going to be a minute when you're up there because you're going to be panicking. You'll be talking faster.

Do you ever get nervous anymore everybody always asks me that yeah i got nervous before i filmed my special in denver i definitely no kidding yeah i got a little yeah because i probably worked so hard for it yeah it worked out great but it was just it was so much uh preparation for it i definitely it felt more intense than a regular show not like you're big in den, Joe. Yeah. I did it at a small place though. I did it at the Comedy Works.

That's where I'm going this month. I love that place. You do a good downtown or to the cruise ship? The cruise ship? That's what it's like, the other place. Why do you say it's like a cruise ship? It's just like a giant, because it has everything. It has movie theaters, restaurants, and it's all in one little block.

Oh, I see what all in one little block. Oh, I see what you're saying, yeah. Downtown is like funkier. Yeah, well, downtown's smaller, too, and it's like you're stuffed into that really cool room. That room is set up so well. Oh, you did your special in that room? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a good idea. It was fun.

See, I think that's better than a theater. I think so, too. Well, my thought process behind it was that when you're at home, you're in your living room. Your living room is very intimate. You're sitting down or maybe you're downloaded on your computer. You're in your office. But either way, you're in a small environment usually. And you're sitting there watching like some guy on stage in front of thousands of people.

It doesn't feel – I mean it's still a good show. Like you can enjoy it. But you don't feel like you're there no but i watched um i've seen a couple people do them like sarah silverman had one she did at largo and uh i didn't watch too much of it but i was like wow that feels good like that she's all in tight like that it feels good like to watch a show where you're you know you're kind of like right there so i decided to do it i think it's good i had this discussion to be a name dropper with tosh and with seinfeld and both of them think theaters are better and i just disagree and even for tosh's act i think he's better in a club and seinfeld said why can't i just sit on my hands i mean why can't people sit on their hands listen to me for an hour and a half who are these people you know it's like i said because i'd rather

people be drinking i'd rather people be drinking. I'd rather them be a little distracted and having fun. Right. Than focus like it's theater. Yeah, there's definitely a difference in the kind of show that you can do, too. Like, you can't, like, bang, bang, bang, hammer them in a theater because the laughter. You've got to wait for it to roll up. Yeah. Fucks over the punchlines.

I went to see Louis Black, me and Joey. We were staying at this place in jersey and we were doing the theater the next day he was doing it on thursday we were doing on friday and we went in to watch and i was like whoa like when a guy's on stage um doing like telling jokes when people start laughing you don't hear anything else he says until that laughter stops yeah and i never realized that because obviously you're on stage of the microphone the monitors broadcast in your face So you hear yourself very loud and clear, but the audience they don't hear you very good when people are laughing It's real weird

I just don't for sure and we would be it's Madison Square Garden places like that And you really had to wait for the wave to come by because otherwise you're right. You're talking over yourself You're talking over the laugh. Yeah, you talk over the laugh and you kill all the taglines, anything after the punchline. But some of those taglines, they have to be done very quickly in a comedy club for it to work. So there's a totally different kind of timing in a theater. A joke won't work as well in some ways because like sometimes you say something then you say something else you say something you say something like those like everybody's laughing

at the first thing then the second thing like in the theater you have to say it say it you know there's a big pause and that timing it gets funky it's totally different yeah i'd much rather do a club yeah it's the best it's just you can't make as much money, and that's the difference. But there's something to some clubs or some theaters, like Massey Hall we were talking about in Toronto. Massey Hall is fucking phenomenal. Even though it's 3,000-plus people, it's still phenomenal. It's the right size for some reason. I was there one night.

Jason Alexander asked me if I wanted to do an improv at the end of the show. We had to follow Robert Schimmel talking about cancer and killing. He was fucking killing. I said to Jason, I said, Schimmel's killing talking about cancer. What the fuck are we going to do, fly around the room? Yeah, he had a whole series. Like, after he almost died, I saw him in Tempe, and he had all this material about almost dying you know

about like he would bring up brilliant you have to be to make that funny he's honest as fuck man that guy was honest as fuck he was such a sweet guy too yeah i ran into him uh after all the cancer stuff you know he he'd survived it and he's really skinny i ran into him at Barnes & Noble, man, just randomly. And he's so warm, so friendly. That really fucking bummed me out. That bummed me out. The Robin Williams thing really bummed me out recently. Yeah.

And Richard Jenney really bummed me out. Those are the big three. I didn't see it coming with Robin at all. I mean, he was supposed to do my podcast now, and I was going to call him. It's so weird how life works out. Like today? Well, around this week

because what happened was I didn't call him because I knew he was upset about the series not getting picked up and he had to go back home. His kids were going to school or whatever.

Something was going on in his life. I said, let me leave him alone. I'll call him next week. There was no next week. Fuck. Yeah. And I had to go on cnn and i fucking hated it because it just you just find out a buddy of

yours dies and they want to talk about suicide and how he did it and brain chemistry i said look i i'm i'm sad right now i don't want to really i want to go into this uh chemical bullshit and theory about why you know can we give him a moment yeah dana gould wrote a piece for i think it was for rolling stone that uh i also uh tweeted yesterday i find it here but it's pretty detailed piece about um why so many comedians are depressed and i thought brains behaving badly yeah it's for rolling stone and dana who's not just a really funny comic. I've known him forever, but very bright guy. He's brilliant. Very, very insightful.

And he wrote this interesting thing after the whole Robin Williams thing. He said something so funny to me. We were at the Laugh Factory. I did this bit about mother and daughter exchange club, lesbians taking care of younger girls sexually, right, and vice versa. And there was two lesbians there. I said, did you ever see it? One of the women went, yeah, yeah, I've seen it.

I said, it's hot, ain't it? It's perverted. It's hot. And I say something about Dana, you know, being married. And I get down and I sit down with him. He goes, Dom, I've been married 12 years. Of course I've fucking seen it. It's one of my favorites.

Dana's a funny guy, man. The thing about the Robin and also about Rich Jenny that I, it's not in my wheelhouse, is the depression thing. Both those guys suffered from pretty severe depression. And the more people we talked to, we had Cara Santa Maria on last week, who's a friend of ours, who's very, very smart, very brilliant woman, and also a neuroscientist. So, you know, she's not talking out of her ass when she explains what's going on in the human brain. It's just a fucking disease, man. It's a disease. And anybody that doesn't have it, that talks out of their ass, you know, like fucking, what's his face?

Henry Rollins said that it was like weak that he killed himself because he had kids it's not that these people you know i i i see that they want to take a stand because they find it offensive that people people would be in their eyes what they would consider so selfish that they committed suicide but i think in talking to people that have had it i think it's pretty safe to assume they're telling you the truth, that they can't do it. They can't keep going. Like these motherfuckers, when they don't get help,

when they don't get some sort of a chemical help or whatever, whatever needs to be done, whether it's some sort of a mental imbalance, whether it could be mitigated with exercise or diet, whatever that state they're in when they hit the bottom, they can't go on, man. I don't understand it. I don't have it. I don't get depressed like that.

I get it. I get it. Do you? In the morning, yeah. Then I kind of work my way out of it. Do you jerk your way out of it? I jerk my way out of it. I stain little things in my house.

Do you wake and spank? I wake and spank. Come here. Come here, kitty. Meow. Meow. You hit, kitty. Wee-oo. Wee-oo. You hit a bell.

Ding. But with Jenny, you could see something coming. Jenny, like, he was like, Richard was always very neat. He was all disheveled. Last time I saw him, and Eleanor said she saw him at a, like, a supermarket. He was knocking over things in the shelves. It was like all so funny. The drugs were fucking him up. What drugs was he on? Some anti-psychotic drugs, and he was supposed over things in the shelves it was like also the drugs were fucking him up what drugs was he on some anti-psychotic drugs and he was supposed to change the prescription that week you know i don't know which stories are true but robin

the big difference was there was no indication well apparently not um but mark gordon who's uh this guy this doctor that i've had on the podcast before, sent me this piece that he's working on on the high instances of suicide in relationship to operations. And that people need to. Yeah. That's what Overton said. He's saying that they need to accept that there's an issue going on with people's hormonal balances that get thrown out of whack by a pretty severe operation like heart surgery. And he cited the instances of hypothyroidism that can be caused by it and then the pituitary gland function, especially being under for a long time.

When they do like those, like what Joan Rivers just had done, they put her under for a long time and now she's still in like critical care. She's in a coma. Yeah, yeah, she's still in critical care. She's in a coma, I think. Yeah, yeah. She's fucked. Apparently, when you get put under for long periods of time, they do something like open heart surgery, which they did with Robin. It can be really tricky. When you come out of it, it's like some pretty severe depression occurs in a lot of people. So if he didn't, if people didn't see it coming before, you got that factor.

You also have the drug factor that he recently checked himself back into rehab again. He said there was no reason to. He was just like reaffirming his commitment to sobriety. But that sounds like some PR people's idea of what to say for me. Yeah, don't tell him. Don't tell him you're really fucked up again. Yeah, I mean, he didn't get caught drunk driving or anything like that. Whatever it is, he decided to check himself in again.

And so there's all those things. And, you know, he also had a lot of debt. You know, he owed a lot of money. I heard that, yeah. But he was very wealthy still. I talked to his agent, who's a friend of mine, and she was saying, don't let all these people tell you that he um he owed more money than he had he had plenty of money he just has this like 30 million dollar house right in uh napa

he's he's like a 600 acre estate like he has some crazy fucking park essentially in napa and it's you know 30 million dollars so but she said he's still he was still rich when he died and you can't say it was that it was um you know when someone owes money like they have a mortgage it's not you it's not you can't pay that money it's just more strategic like as far as like how much interest you can earn on your money it's smarter in a lot of cases to like keep paying it off like as a mortgage than it is just spend you know whatever he owed on it like it was 20 million bucks or something like that take the 20 million dollars out of his money but she's like he could have done that if he wanted to so it wasn't like he wasn't broke at all yeah but uh a lot of people

thought that had that had an issue too just the fact that he's failed relationships is depressing and you know yeah i knew his first wife very well but you know the thing about him when i when he won the academy award i'll never forget it because it was like what jamie foxx won i go wow we beat the grown-ups you know i mean it's like because like nobody ever takes i mean they were both serious parts but nobody ever takes comedians seriously for academy awards and mike myers and austin powers to me it was academy award-winning performance i really believe that at that me, it was an Academy Award winning performance. I really believe that at that level

because it was as funny to me as anything. But anyway, Robin was so fucking talented. Think about that. He was a very talented actor, man. That movie, One Hour Photo,

did you ever see that? That's one of my favorite movies. Creepy fucking movie, man. How many people saw that one? Yeah, it was more of an independent. That was one of the things that he was talking about,

why he wound up doing that television show. It was because it was more of an independent. That was one of the things that he was talking about, why he wound up doing that television show. It was because it was an independent film situation where he was constantly getting these offers to do these films. And they barely even had funding. And if they paid, they paid scale. And it was interesting jobs. But it was like the big movies had kind of dried up for him for whatever reason. Sometimes those movie star guys will go in these peaks and valleys.

Oh, definitely. Like Kevin Costner. He started to do movies recently, but remember after Waterworld? It was like a long fucking time before anybody put that guy in a big movie again. Did you actually see Robin's new show? Unfortunately, I watched a few episodes of it, and I understand why I think it didn't work. It just seemed very very cheesy and maybe that might have been one of Robin's things that because

he was still playing a character that never really progressed in a way like you're still catching up on Seinfeld I never saw what do you mean by a character that never really progressed because he you know if you ever see Robin Williams like on The Tonight Show or any of those shows he always had does the same act where it's very for that like yeah very crazy very very like you almost can guess what he's about to do next you know and it to me it was I loved it but I also thought that when it was converted into a show was pretty much it was like all right this is so

unrealistic but he used to do that when he was on morgan mindy right yeah that's what i'm saying though it's kind of like well the difference is he's 60 now yeah that was 30 years ago you can't be a 30 you could be a 30 year old guy and be like a fucking craze crazer i'm from another planet but when you're 60 you know it's kind of like jim carrey doesn't do jim carrey in as much anymore like Ace Ventura yeah yeah like if he was still doing Ace Ventura then you know then you made it a sitcom with a laugh track it's like oh yeah like Man on the Moon when he did uh that was it called yeah uh yeah yeah when he did the Andy Kaufman yeah like that was a great performance that was an Oscar worthy performance I mean he really nailed Andy Kaufman it was really he really was Andy Kaufman yeah he did a great performance that was an oscar-worthy performance i mean he really nailed andy kaufman

it was really he really was andy kaufman yeah he did a great job but like when he does the ace ventura stuff you can't really do that when you're 50 years old or whatever he is he's probably like 50 right right you can't really do that nobody wants to see you get out of breath pratfalls you know well didn't chevy chase Like fuck himself up From Pratt Falls Yeah I had heard that he has Also Gerald Ford

He used to do Gerald Ford falling All the time Uh huh He was the president At the time Cause again Chevy Chase was only on

For I think one year Really And became that famous Over that one year Well he was the first Breakout star Yeah From Saturday Night Live

Right Yeah Huh Apparently All those Pratt Falls Really fucked him up Yeah I've heard that Star. Yeah. From Saturday Night Live, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Huh. Apparently, all those pratfalls really fucked him up. Yeah, I've heard that. I heard that about the Three Stooges, too. Those guys were, like, punchy towards the end of their career because they were smacking each other so much.

You know... Getting hit with shit. Donk. What's a guy's name from Jackass? Steve-O. No, not Steve-O. Johnny Knoxville. Johnny.

I see him at the gym sometime, right? We were talking. I said, it's really cool you guys are trained in stuntmen stuff. He goes, we don't know a fucking thing. He says, we're just a bunch of assholes. I didn't know that. I thought they knew what they were doing. They're fucking crazy.

Yeah, that's not a smart thing to do, what they're doing. Alligators biting your balls? No. They got lucky. They got lucky that no one ever died thing to do what they're doing. Alligators biting your balls? No. They got lucky. They got lucky that no one ever died doing that show. Oh, yeah. And that one guy died. They're still doing it, though.

They're getting lucky still. They're doing it still? Yeah. They're still filming stuff together and doing, like, I think they might even be doing another Jackass. What happened with Steve-O when he painted that sign near SeaWorld? SeaWorld sucks. He climbed up, fell a bunch of times if you want

to watch it online i mean i don't know if he fell on purpose he's just just being a silly goose the way he climbs the sign he climbs the sign it falls from like fucking 30 feet up and lands on the ground and somehow survives do you ever see him do stand up no that's bizarre yeah well he does like tell stories right yeah i mean he also like he does some physical stuff he tries to fall and stuff so i saw with the lab factor i don't know if that's part of his real act but some of it involves fire depending on the comedy club you know and in the fire fire licenses he does a lot of different acts like he i mean he grew up uh ringling brothers barney he graduated from their college so he used to be in the circus.

A lot of his shit is like acting. So he was way set in some sort of... You imagine if you have a fucking business. You worked real hard to put together a comedy club. You hire a waitstaff. You get everything up and running. And Steve-O comes to town. He asks you if he could do fire on stage.

And you see your life falling apart for one fucking Thursday in November. And you're like, no. No fire, dude. No fire. And then he's got the fire anyway. I wrote it. I wrote it. falling apart for one fucking thursday in november and you're like no no fire dude no fire and then he's got the fire anyway like i wrote it i wrote it let me do the fire bit yeah one day that's not gonna work one day something's gonna go bad doing fucking getting hit by bulls and getting launched into the air with a blindfold on you see that this was after johnny knoxville was movie star. He was already in movies with The Rock. Remember?

He did that movie with The Rock. After that, puts a blindfold on, lets a fucking bull launch him into the air. Unbelievable. And flips, like, head over heel. It could easily land on his neck. These guys expend so much energy. They're very mild when you talk to them. They're very low-key.

Jim Carrey's like that. Jim Carrey's like, you know, he's the wacky guy, and then he's... You you talk to them they're very low key Jim Carrey's like that Jim Carrey's like you know he's the wacky guy and then he's you ever talk to him he's just so like mellow and down to earth

that's what like Steve Martin he's almost shy and doesn't really like to even talk to people right he was such a he was such a dick to me

I was doing Steve Martin was yeah I mean you know I was doing this thing for Comedy Central where

for the awards shows that you would interview people. Everybody was nice. Jerry Lewis, Gary Shandling, all these guys. Steve Martin, we asked him if we could interview. He said yeah, and then he wouldn't. He was giving me one-word answers, and he was real smug. I'm thinking, your fucking career

was predicated by putting an arrow through your head. Don't act so slick with me. Why is he acting slick with you? I don't know. He's just grumpy. don't do the interview if you're gonna be like that yeah that's too bad that's too bad i i think he was brilliant oh when he was a comic i mean the let's get small all that stuff very brilliant yeah i think what happened to him though is overload like if you talk to him like if you listen to him rather talk about it he talks about how it got to a point where he can go on stage and anything he did people

laughed so he couldn't figure out what was funny anymore they were just so happy to see him and he was like this is crazy so he just pulled out pulled out of comedy stop doing stand-up that weird crazy you couldn't do that could you i don't know i mean i guess i could really i wouldn't imagine i'm doing stand-up i could i wouldn't want to but i could yeah, could you? I don't know. I mean, I guess I could. Really? I can't imagine you not doing stand-up. I could. I wouldn't want to, but I could. Yeah, I could. You know what?

There's a lot of things I want to do, man. I like doing stuff. I'm writing a lot now, especially I'm writing a lot of stand-up because I'm getting ready to do a whole new hour. I've got to put together a whole new hour, so it's really exciting. But I just started writing a book, too. I'm writing a script. I wrote not a script uh another book like a horror book a monster movie book so i'm like i don't a bunch of shit i like to do so if someone said you can't do stand-up anymore i'd be like man i'm gonna miss stand-up but i gotta do all this other shit yeah i don't

have that yeah i like i don't have that distraction i'm like a that distraction. I'm like a savant. I keep myself busy. See, for me, if I do only one thing, it doesn't sit well for me. Well, you have a career nobody else has. I mean, with the fights and everything, just the way your career, where you're acting. I mean, there are people that watch Fear Factor that didn't know you were a stand-up. Yeah. Well, I did a lot of things that didn't make any sense. You know, they don't go together. Like, being a stand-up and being a cage-fighting commentator,

they don't really go together that good. You're fucking great at that, man. It's fun. Well, you love it, and you know about it, and you break it down for people. You know, I mean, I know you don't watch football, but I watch a lot of football, and there's a guy, John Gruden.

Do you watch football? Mm-hmm. He talks about bubble screens and all this shit. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. You break it down so that a common person could understand what's going on. Well, there's a thing that sportscasters like to do to let you know that they're in the know. They use obscure lingo and jargon, and they do it on purpose. I've heard guys do it with MMA. They're like, yeah, he's going to hit him with a two, three, five combo.

What the fuck is that? I don't even know what that is everybody's is different by the way you can't say that because you're just standard two three a two is a right hand a three is a hook so it's jab is a one two is a right hand three is a hook but different camps do different shit like some camps have the like hit them with the the aldo they'll come up with names for combinations they'll come up with names for certain techniques like a shovel hook is the razor ruddock the razor ruddock you know and they'll have different numbers like instead of one two three they'll do it backwards you know they'll have like a 10 strike combination from like 10 being the head kick nine being the knee to the body, seven being the elbow to the head. They'll have a bunch of them,

so they'll have their own system so that no one knows what the fuck. If you're in someone's corner and you're yelling out, hit him with a two, hit him with a two, the guy's going to look out for the right hand. But if two is a roundhouse kick instead or a wheel kick or something else,

they won't know. So everybody mixes things up. So when someone's like, I think the two-three is going to be big for him in this fight. Like, fuck you. What are you doing? You're just letting everybody know you're inside. That's all you're doing.

You just, you're giving them nonsense sports guy talk. And you can't do that with fighting. You know, there's a lot of sports guy talk. They like to insult like athletes. They like to insult players. You know, there's like a certain amount of that, but they don't tolerate tolerate people don't tolerate that in mma it's a totally different kind of sport the people that have been like really insulting about athletes really insulting about like like calling them losers or fat or whatever those people all get ostracized they all get pushed out because there's such a

tremendous like the emotional burden of fighting, it's respected more. The, like, there's going to be people that mock people when they lose, but a lot of those people are fucking teenagers or little kids, people who don't know about life. But as far as, like, journalists, the vast majority of ones are, like, super negative journalists. They get ostracized, which I think is a good thing. I'll tell you what, the time that you invited us to Montreal

was that French-Canadian guy. George St. Pierre. That was one of the most exciting moments I've ever felt in my life of positive energy. Yeah, it's wild. It was fucking incredible.

It was wild. Yeah, they're always wild. And thank God he won. Yeah. I can't imagine if he had lost. Plus, the crowd was so much classier because I've gone to

professional wrestling years ago and they all look like they're all cross-eyed. They all skate on his face. Don't say that to Tony Hinchcliffe. He'll get fucking angry. Really? Hit him with the point. Tony Hinchcliffe was reading a book the other day, a fucking pro-wrestling book on the insides of the business. He subscribes to the channel and just sits there and watches every single WrestleMania

over and over again. He was trying to explain to me how they write these story arcs. He was right, though, that Brock Lesnar was going to beat John Cena. He told me how it was going to happen. You knew that was going to happen. I don't know anything. I don't know anything, man. Of course he's going to.

But they admit that it's a show. Well, they had to. They had to for a bunch of reasons. I think they had to for tax purposes, that it's entertainment, it's not sports. It probably cost them money. I think they had to also because otherwise they could be accused of fixing contests. So they think they had to change it from being a sport to being entertainment. People didn't give a fuck, though.

No, they don't care. Didn't stop the ratings at all. I think it's funny when the punch lands like a foot away from the guy's face. The guy goes flying. Oh! Yeah. Well, they beat the fuck out of each other for real, too, though. They do hit each other.

Oh, well, they're good athletes. I mean, just flip it in the air and land it on your back. I had to hit Kevin James with a punch on his show. On Cane Queens? Yeah, and I was so upset because my left hand is so much better than my right. So I threw this kind of half a fag punch

with my right hand and he goes flying down. Why'd you have to throw a right? Because they didn't accept the fact that you were a southpaw? Yeah, the camera thing, whatever it was. Sons of bitches.

I know. That's ridiculous. You should have stood your ground. You'd say, look, I'm a lefty. I wasn't in a position to, Joe, who's a guest star. I wasn't in a position to, Joe, as a guest star. I wasn't exactly an executive producer. Tell the director to fucking switch it around. Maybe we can go back and change it.

We should go back and post. Film upside down. Brian knows Photoshop. Yeah. Switch that shit around. He's a clever little son of a bitch, isn't he? So when you threw the punch, how far away from him were you? Not that far.

And it looked like I hit him. Really? And he went down, and he comes up with all ketchup in his mouth. I accidentally hit a guy in a scene, and we were doing that hardball show. I threw a punch, and they threw a beer, I think it was, in my face. A fake beer. And I was supposed to hit him afterwards. But because the fake beer hit my face

I was temporarily blinded and I tried to do it in front of his face or to the side of his face and I accidentally nicked him and I felt so bad. I didn't hurt him but it was just like, what an idiot. Of all people,

I used to do demonstrations pulling punches on people's face and I accidentally hit this guy. Do you have VHS copies of this show, and can I transfer it online? I probably have a couple. There's the only thing I've ever been able to find is one or two screenshots. Yeah, Sony took it to where they drop all that nuclear waste in Nevada. They opened up some canisters, and they dropped all the master tapes

in the nuclear waste so that no one would ever see it. It wasn't Sony. Disney took it. Fox. That was the first gig you had, wasn't no one would ever see it. It wasn't Sony. Disney. Disney took it. Fox. That was the first gig you had, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. First gig I had.

Yeah. If it wasn't for that, nothing else. Like, I would have never gotten news radio. I would have never gotten any of those things because I got news radio because I was still out here. And the reason why I was out here is for that hardball show. If it wasn't for me signing a lease, because I wasn't going to signing a lease because i wasn't

going to sign a lease like i was just going to rent at the oakwoods yeah you know the oakwoods uh is a thing that everybody does in la after you get when you're getting separated from your wife that's true well it's um everybody does in la when you move to town because they'll sell they'll rent you a furnished place like it already has a tv it has cable already it has a bed and you can kind of it's almost like a like you move into an apartment that somebody else's shit is there. It's not bad. Like, you know,

they had paintings on the walls and like, it feels like an apartment. That's what I got when I first was here, but it was like, it was too depressing. There was too many weird people. There was like a lot of weirdness. There's like discombobulated souls wandering around there.

And I, I just, I didn't enjoy the energy. And so, uh, like any idiot who's 25 years old is convinced this television show is gonna go i'm like this fucking show's gonna go i got a lease on an apartment you know i rented an apartment like a fucking moron and uh i signed the lease and uh i bought a tv and set it up i didn didn't even have a couch. I was watching TV on the ground.

And then the fucking show got canceled. I'm like, shit. I'm stuck out here. I was totally ready to go back to New York. Can you imagine if that would have happened? Your life would be totally different. He'd have been doing Broadway. Yeah, I would have been a dancer.

I would have been a dancer. Natalie needs a nightie. I just would have concentrated on stand-up. I mean, I'd already done stand-up TV. I'd already done Caroline's Comedy Hour. I'd already done Caroline's Comedy Hour. I'd already done MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. I was already headlining nationally, so I was already making money as a comic. It was just when it was starting to work for me,

so I probably would have just concentrated more on stand-up. But, yeah, it definitely would have been different. I never would have been on something like news radio, that's for sure. Or you were working Dunkin' Donuts in Tower 7. Who knows? I wasn't working in Dunkin donuts when i was 19 i remember bringing you up montreal on at club soda yeah that was before i was on anything that was a long time you were a completely different kind of comedian you were i mean you were you were always good but you were different you didn't have you didn't uh

invest the energy that i remember that you do later on with the new rules well i wasn't i just wasn't that good you know i mean you're pretty good i was okay i just didn't know how to be the best version of me right you know what i mean but i didn't have any insight either that's the other thing i was 24 25 when we met you know when we first did montreal yeah like was it like 92 or something like that i don't know something like that somewhere around then but i didn't you know i was an idiot of just me being on stage it's just like a ridiculous proposition like who the fuck is this guy why is he allowed to talk you know so you know what i mean well i don't i think you're being tough on yourself you were you're pretty good you just weren't i mean now you're just so confident the energy is all there

you know it's like i mean i don't know if people get too comfortable but you you can see it you know how you have like a minute or like a half a minute on stage where there's just you're just like thinking or something you're comfortable with that now you you weren't comfortable with that then and neither was i right which i mean yeah yeah yeah those yeah the pauses and just being in your own skin like and the audience can sense when you're not comfortable it makes them uncomfortable then the whole thing goes wacky yeah plus back then like if anything went wrong the fucking show was over i never i never pulled myself out of a downward spiral ever. I would do great, great, great. Once it started going down, the ship was going to hit the rocks.

There was no getting out of that. Save yourself. See, I had the improv in those clubs in New York. Where did you develop? Well, mostly Boston up until, I guess it was right around the time I met you. I was moving to New York. It you develop um well mostly Boston up until I guess it was right around the time I met you I was moving to New York it was 92 ish somewhere around there I lived in New York from 92 to 94 and in 94 I was already going back and forth to LA but um nine all that like 88 to 90 ish night maybe I guess it was 90 91 all that in Boston. And it was a lot of it was working on these outside bar gigs, the bar gigs and clubs.

Do you remember when it clicked in for you? Honestly, as a professional, I don't think it was until I was like 10 years in. When I did my first comedy CD, which is I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday, I did it at the Houston Laugh Stop. I did that in 99. which is uh i'm gonna be dead someday i did it the houston laugh stop i did that in 99 that was when i was i felt comfortable enough with what i had to put it on a cd and yeah i listened to it today i cringe but i felt comfortable enough after 10 years in like i think i can release something you know so that's uh that was when i but i still i i feel i'm better now than i was two years ago

i know i am i work at am. I work at it more. I work at it more. I'm more excited by it. I wasn't that happy with my last special. I was when I put it out. And then when I started going over it, I was like, I could have done this better. I was doing too many different things. But this one, I did stand up like every night.

I did stand up like Sundays. I did Tuesdays. I took like Mondays off. But almost every week, I was doing Tuesday at the haha wednesday at the improv it does help man fuck yeah it does yeah it does i i look like i look at my act now the body of my work if i may and i know i think who the fuck wrote this yeah because how did i get this much shit i couldn't write like if i had to write for sometimes i think like you know i do it know, people say, do you write a lot? I go, yeah, I write every day.

The problem is it's not that funny. Other than that, I'm prolific. Well, that's the difference between a guy like you and someone who is not disciplined. Like some people, they sit down and they write and it's not good and they just go, oh, fuck it. And they stop writing and they'll take days off and they won't write.

But you got to show up. If you show up, the stuff shows it. And they stop writing. And they'll take days off. And they won't write. But you've got to show up. If you show up, the stuff shows up. It's really that simple. I had a guy on the podcast yesterday. His name's Sam Harris. He's a brilliant guy, neurosurgeon, or neuroscientist, rather, and knows a lot about the human mind. And he was arguing, not arguing, but explaining the idea of determinismism that there is no real free will that everything you do is a combination of your genes your life experiences the environment that you're in all

these it was really really interesting argument not argument there's no free will yeah you're saying there's no free will um i i see what he's saying i i see what he's saying that he's saying that the reason why you act the way you act is essentially based on all these factors that you have no control over. Like your genes, your life experiences, all these different things. But as a comic, I don't know. I mean, I guess it's all those things that are leading me to invest more energy into it right now but like whatever it is you know free will whatever the fuck it is that's causing me to be excited about it now i'm as excited if not more excited by stand-up right now than i ever have been ever

i could see that i could see it when you get on stage and you're already like in a good mood because you're on stage i think i'm appreciating how awesome a gig it is, too. Oh, I love it. Re-appreciating. I never lost appreciation for it, but I compare it to other things. Well, you know, the thing is, for me, it's crossing generations.

I appreciate that so much. And, I mean, of course, shows like yours help a lot, but it's amazing to me. I was in Montreal. True story. Stop me if you but it's amazing to me. I was in Montreal. True story. Stop me if you heard this. Oh! Oh!

I was in Montreal, and this girl and her mother, you could see that they were related, come up to me. They both wanted to fuck. They wanted to suck my fucking hair. You saw Zeej. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, easy. The kid was nervous, you know?

And she said, are you Don Marrera? I go, yeah. And she goes, can we get a picture? I said, of course. And so the mother walks away to get a camera and the father. I said to her, how old are you? She goes, 12. I go, 12?

This is because of the internet, you know. And you know me. She goes, I said, how old are you? She goes, listen, man. She called me dude. She goes, listen, dude. I've been a fan of yours since I was seven. I said seven?

I didn't know I had any single-digit fans. Wow. Isn't that incredible? That's wild. A 12-year-old has been a fan since they were seven. She says, funny's funny. And I said, we're so different. We're just different generations, different worlds.

And she said, I said, I can't believe your parents will let you watch a pig like me. She goes, well, you know, the internet, you can watch anything. Dom, in six years, you're going to be fucking her. That's where it gets dark. I look forward to that show. You will, too. I know you, you son of a bitch.

I need two years to get hard now. I'm glad you gave me these six years heads up. Just save up the loads. Oh, boy. Don't have any of those three-quarter erection ejaculation moments. Oh, no, that's sad. A limp dick.

Well, you jerk it off with a limp dick and you cum anyway, and you're like, oh, no. Why are those words the funniest words? Limp dick. Limp dick, jizz. I jizzed all over the place. Limp dick is always funny.

Limp dick is funny. Because it's embarrassing. It's inherently i wouldn't know never i'm hard now whoa yeah hey you're like liberace liberace at one of his balls was a pump i'm not kidding no i'm not kidding yeah he had a pump it's there's a thing that guys do when they get erectile dysfunction that uh used to do. That's the thing Stallone had? I don't know about that. I heard Stallone liked to lie in the glass while girls shit on him.

Oh, I thought that was Danny. That's what I had heard. Danny Thomas? It was him too. I wasn't going to say it. They did it together. They jerked each other off while they watched it. But that's not really fair.

It's not shitting on a table. It was biological. You're watching it expand and watching yeah it's like what you when a little kid plays with play-doh and they have the factory and they wind it up and it comes out that's what it's like you were the one that told me about that a long time ago and when we first started looking up shit on the internet about some japanese guys getting shit on well there's a lot of videos of people that would like shit in each other's mouths and stuff and you can't believe it's real but when you watch it there's some fake ones like two girls one cup they like put ice cream up their ass or whatever the fuck they put up there that

wasn't exactly shit i hate apparently you can get some severe diabetes from that get all that sugar up your butthole but i don't think they're concerned about those girls no i don't think that would be their first worry there's plenty of videos, though, of people eating shit. It's apparently a genre. Some folks enjoy watching it. I've had it in my mouth once. Really? I recommend it.

He's thinking about asking. He's like, I shouldn't. Let me curl. Oh, no. No need. No need to go down there. Who was it? Did you know her?

Oh, yeah. Knew her very well. He was sleeping in the same bed as her. Did you do a bit on that? It was outside, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought I heard it before. It's a true story, Dominic.

True story. It's not a happy story, but it is a true story. Gets dark out there. That's interesting. That's a weird fetish. That wasn't his idea, though. Yeah, I didn't do it. That was just an accident.

She was an accident, right? Some people, they're shitting each other's mouth. Like, they go, okay, let's meet here at 2 o'clock, and I'm going to shit in your mouth. Yes, I'll be there. How do you get to that point? How do you? You've done every perversion there is, so you get to that point. Well, that's why what Sam Harris says is so fascinating.

Because if determinism is true, that means that you're not even responsible for letting someone shit in your mouth it's like all these variables have played a part in your being who you are at this moment lying there on this stainless steel table while this japanese guy hovers over your face japanese guy yeah he pulls his sack up so his balls don't get shit on and dumps one right down your fucking mouth. Oh, God. I don't know why. I don't know. I don't know a lot of things, though. I don't understand the Grateful Dead.

Why they're such a phenomena? I don't get why anybody listens to that and likes it. I don't get it. I understand that you like it, but I'm just being honest. No, I don't like it. Not you, but anybody who's listening to this. i get that sunk trucking i get a touch of gray i've i've heard a bunch of it are pretty good but to be a dead head is something special over the top my cousin traveled around the country with him i used to used to travel the country i mean i went to three shows but he died right when i got into him garcia oh that's so funny he's like fuck this guy i'm just gonna kill myself right you know what you know what it

was also about though what a lot of people forget uh is that it was also people that you knew that also like to smoke marijuana when it was really really illegal so it was like this group thing of like hey we all like to do psychedelics and mushrooms and smoke weed and that's that was a lot of it yeah well there's also a thing that happens when you're on a drug when you listen to something or it just sounds totally different than if you're not on that drug that's a that's a reality that i experienced recently with um what's called an ikaro an ikaro is this thing that that they play when there's ayahuasca ceremonies are going on. And if you take DMT and you listen to this Icaro, you see these things play out in front of you. Tony's going to talk about it tomorrow.

Tony and I will talk about it tomorrow because we did it together. You did? In Texas. With these Icaros. But it's this crazy sound that's uh that's playing that is like it's it's really wild because the sound somehow or another affects the music or the the images you see rather this is it this is all these shamans in the Amazon, and they play this.

And while you're on DMT and you do this, the images and these elves in this hallucination, or whatever you want to call it, they dance to this music. And it's fucking crazy, man. It makes the whole thing even more bizarre. But what's weird is that these songs were actually designed to be used that way they were all made by these trippers in the amazon

and they're all using like rattles and shit and they're whistling like listen to this It sounds like really simple music, right? If you listen to that, I'm like, dude, you need to download this. You'd be like, bitch, get the fuck out of here. I'm listening to some asshole whistle and slap his thigh. But if you listen to it when you're under the influence of DMT, it's amazing. It's like they dance to the music. It's really, really weird. With all psychedelics though music is very very

important with mushrooms and everything because i've truly changed a whole mushroom trip before just on the music i listened to being like pink floyd or doing some kind of more like drum type stuff uh yeah i think that would kill me yeah i'm serious i think if i took mushrooms or anything hallucinogenic i'm so close to the fucking edge anyway that I need tranquilizers. You're that close to the edge? Well, as far as I know... Living on the edge! Aerosmith!

Something wrong with the world today I don't know what it is Something wrong with our lives This is another one. This is one of my favorites. I like that. It's kind of like the last thing you hear when walking down a dark alley about to get raped by some guy. I was thinking of an open wheat field.

You didn't really even think that. You just went with that because you thought it would be an interesting thing to say. No, the first one I did because I was thinking of a guy whistling and walking slowly down an alley. Stroking his cock? That would be terrible if a guy was raping you while doing this. If your mind went there and you're getting raped by dragons and patterns. Have you hallucinated? When, right now?

No, have you hallucinated? What do you mean? In real life or with drugs? With drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Hello? I now? No. Have you hallucinated? What do you mean? In real life or with drugs? With drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Hello. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know if I'm really seeing elves. Maybe I'm really seeing elves, but I'm assuming that it's a hallucination. But you don't hallucinate on pot. No. Well, you can if you eat it. If you eat it and you close your eyes, you definitely hallucinate. For sure. If you eat a large dose, like if you have a cookie, like a strong cookie, and then you lay down and close your eyes, you see bizarre shit. That would scare the shit out of me. Oh, it should. But that's part of the whole thing, is that it scares the shit out of you, and then when it's over, you feel better.

I was asking Joey Diaz last night about, I said, do you ever go a day without eating pot? He goes, yeah, of course I do. I said, does it bother you? He goes, no, I smoke. I tried it once in the 60s. It's overrated. Yeah, he's taking it to another level.

He definitely, he does take, you know, he takes days off of edibles. Yeah, that's what he said. Edibles can fuck with you, man. They can give you panic attacks. I've been with Joey when he was getting like a panic attack. We were on a plane. Really? And he's eating these things called Chiba Chews.

Let me tell you about Chiba Chews, Dom Herrera. I don't ever eat a whole Chiba Chew. I mean ever. Ever. I saw Joey eat three of them. Three. Oh my God. Three Chibaichus. And you don't even eat one?

If you ate three Chibichus and you listen to this and you close your eyes, you would see the most bizarre shit ever. Dancing, fluorescent cartoon characters fucking and creating new cartoon characters that are separating and dividing like cells. You'd see your whole childhood play out in a cartoon form, like a comic strip.

You could see anything. You will hallucinate. Like, that's a massive, massive dose of THC. Now, how did he walk from the plane to the car? He didn't. He sat in that plane for five hours while he flew across the country. And then when it landed,

he goes, Joe Rogan, I almost had a fucking panic attack on that plane. Was he okay by the time he landed? Basically, yeah. He recovers quickly.

THC, when you, well, marijuana, when you eat it, produces a psychoactive chemical called 11-hydroxymetabolite, and it's about five times more psychoactive than THC. It's much more like mushrooms, much more like a psychedelic than marijuana. So marijuana just

gets you high, but that 5-hydroxy will fucking kick your dick into the dirt. It's one of the reasons why when people eat cookies, they always say, oh, it was laced, man. It was laced. That wasn't laced. That's what happens. When you eat a lot of it, especially, I had one of the most frightening moments of my life. I took a marijuana pill and I was talking to this guy that turned out to be a rapist. Turned out to eventually

he eventually went to jail for rape. He was a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt and he fled while he was on this, you know, they were looking for him. So he fled and moved to the Pacific Northwest, started doing jiu-jitsu again, even though they were looking for him. Couldn't stop doing jiu-jitsu because he liked to do it so much.

And I was at this grappling event, and he had competed in this grappling event, and I had taken this pill and I was way too high to be out in public. It was confusing. It was like really like, whoa. One of the first times I was ever really, really big. But he and I were talking and when we were talking, I was like, wow, there's a distinct, like different thing going on with this guy. different thing going on with this guy. This guy has an ability to do things

that this guy has in his head that might not necessarily be good things. If you were with this guy in a street fight, he might stomp somebody to death. You might see him do that. Don't do it! Stop doing it! There was an edge that he had that he had crossed over and i was feeling that when i was on on the

pills and then like a couple months later the guy goes to jail or gets indicted and you know and then flees and then wants to go into jail later when he's still doing jiu-jitsu because they had found him in some school well because he's a really high level black belt there's not that many guys that are capable of tapping out other black belts so when some guy comes into your school out of nowhere and he starts strangling your instructor everybody's like what the fuck is going who's this guy and you try to pretend he was some guy from brazil and everybody's like but he's american the fuck's going on fuck's going on? He's in jail now? He's in jail now. Yeah. Wow. But it was those goddamn pills.

I saw into his soul. I didn't like it, Dom. I don't even like hearing it. I started thinking I'm going to get it over the air. But in the context of that story, is the song any better? Yeah. No, i like this well you don't like it when you're high as you hear this it's the greatest song of all time that's why i downloaded it i had to keep it i wanted it to be a part of my life

are they what language are they singing anything or just making noises no there's this there's uh there's words to it i don't know what the words are this one there's words to it. I don't know what the words are. This one, there's words to it. Obviously, the other ones didn't have that. They're from the Amazon? Yeah. Yeah, that's the real deal. Peruvian, so I guess it must be some form of, I don't know. I mean, it's not Spanish. No, it's native.

Yeah, but Peru, they speak Spanish mostly. I think they speak a bunch of different languages. They have a native tongue in the Amazon. It's wild shit, man. that's a crazy place to live but this is their technology this is the technology that they've invented to try to enhance or change these psychedelic trips that they go on very very weird you ever get stuck in one you think you can't get out of it? No. I've gotten, I had one that I did a few years back that fucked me up for a couple weeks afterwards. Like, it was so intense that for a couple weeks afterwards, I was really worried that, like, reality itself had gotten, the way I described it was, reality was too slippery. Like, it didn't make sense like I get these thoughts on my head like I'd be driving on the highway I'm like what if a car

flips the divide and comes towards me right now like I'm like what am I thinking this you know and I think where were you working on then on this or fear factor no it's post fear factor um so nothing just doing stand-up okay um You were still at the comedy store because I remember you talking to me about this. In the back. Wasn't it? So that was 2007, maybe? 2006, maybe. Was it that long ago?

Yeah. Yeah, because we stopped going to the comedy store in 2007. I feel like it was post that, Brian. That's so long ago. Yeah. I think they bet on the wrong horse. That doesn't make any sense. I remember we were in the back alley behind where the back door is.

I had a few that fucked me up. I don't know if this is the same one. You said life is slippery and you were like, you just saw a ghost. And I'm like, did you do this last night? And you're like, no, this is like four days ago. And I'm like, what? I'm not sure if our timelines are correct here. Anyway, that's not important.

The important thing was it took about, I think what was going on for about two weeks after this experience was that it was so ego shattering. The psychedelic trip was so, it so changed my idea of what was important and my position in my own universe. Instead of me being the center of my own universe i became like just this piece in this gigantic fractal like it was it was very weird and if you're you know you're clinging to this idea like what makes you successful what makes you push forward well i know you personally i know you enjoy killing you like going up there and and and you like being a great comic you know there's a reason why you're a great comic you've worked at it you like going up there and and and you like being a great comic you know there's a reason why you're a great comic you've worked at it you like it you enjoy it you go up you do it

and you take pride in that well when you have like a really intense psychedelic experience one of the weird things that happens is like your idea of who you are like the you thing the you part of it which was so natural and normal kind of like dissolves so i think my ego by worrying about all this shit by like like worrying about cars flipping into my lane or weird things happening it was almost like my ego was trying to present me with a bunch of different dangers and though these dangers you have to prepare for these so you have to worry about yourself you have to think about yourself so it's like it was trying to counterbalance the destructive, ego-destructive properties of the psychedelic.

Like the psychedelic was saying, listen, you can tweak out all you want about shit, but here's the reality. The reality is you're a part of something that's infinite and it goes on forever. It's infinite in size and it's infinite in length and it's fractal. It folds into itself and expands onto infinity and you can you could pretend you're important all day long but you're not there it's impossible for you you're a part of the universal soup of not just consciousness but of atoms and subatomic particles and all these different things fold into each other and it was so uh it was so

humbling that i think my ego was trying to battle it i think my ego was trying to battle it. I think my ego was trying to reclaim ground. And the way to do that was to make me paranoid, to make me worry about shit. You know, usually I'm aware when I drive, but I don't usually think, like, what if a car flips over that lane? What if a car comes out? You know, one of the things that they used to connect DMT with when they were first experimenting with it, they thought it was uh causes psychosis and they thought maybe it exists in higher doses and uh in people that are

um and people that are psychotic that's one of the reasons why they're nutty they're nutty because their brain is producing all this these weird chemicals that have been shown to be produced by the body that also produce hallucinations it might be it's do you see that those uh twitter images about that guy who has pineal cancer yeah we should oh yeah we showed it on the last episode we did joe you you're one of your original dmt uh trips you you talked about how that you met some kind of like visual spirit or something like that and he was tailing you like 3 000 million times or whatever that was do you still love you talk to that exact same guy or is there a new guy you got fired um it's there's a part that you go to that's like the same place and the part you go to is like these rotating columns that go on in

infinity and it's all like you're a part of like this you see like the gears and the mechanisms of the universe it feels like and it's filled with entities like whatever this thing is it's all like you're a part of this. You see the gears and the mechanisms of the universe, it feels like. And it's filled with entities. Whatever this thing is, it's filled with these conscious entities where it feels like conscious entities. And sometimes they talk to you in English. And this last time, they were talking to me in a language that wasn't even real. They were talking to me and like they were the like they were they were saying word like they were saying like things that didn't make any sense and showing you things and

and if you thought negative in any way like if you they would go like like your finger would shake back and forth no no no no no no and then if you you calmed yourself and thought positive that would calm down but it was like letting you know every time you slipped into any sort of a negative pattern of thinking. And it was exposing a lot of the ideas that I was thinking that were important that weren't important at all. So it's all ego based ideas, ideas about, you know, how you how you dress or how you look or, you know, whether your car is dirty, and whether you're not, you know, whether you make x amount you look or you know whether your car is dirty and whether you're not you know whether you make x amount a year or y amount a year whether you you know with all these ideas that we have connected to ourselves that like infest our brain and they're there all the time

it was letting me know like you're spending too much time thinking about stuff that's not important it's like showing it to me like over and over over again. But they didn't do that thing where it says, I love you. It didn't say, look at this. Like the one time it was like, they were like, I love you 600 million, 500,000 times. Look at this. And every time they would say, look at this, it would become this even more beautiful thing. Well, that's good. It was weird.

But this one, again, I did to these Icaros, these songs. You're going gonna do it tomorrow No, oh my oh no no no you know this Joe I can't do I did three teaspoons of cough medicine. I get fucking shaky That's not true, but you could have a drink you can have a little Xanax Why what happens well be your heart slows down too much. Oh. A lot of people die from tranquilizer alcohol, Rex.

Yeah, I got to work for those people. What? Pussies. You're a pussy for dying. Pussy. You can't take a little fucking Valium and a little whiskey? No, you shouldn't. That's how Merle Hager became famous.

That's how Johnny Cash made his songs. You got to do it, son. Mix it up. All those country music guys used to fucking party hard. That was a big shocker to people that saw that Johnny Cash movie, Walk the Line. Everybody was like, what? They were all pilled up? Like, what the fuck? Oh, yeah.

Fuck, yeah. A lot of musicians. They used to call it, what did they call it before? Marijuana. Before it was called weed. I forget, but anyway, it's like... Grass? Maybe grass, yeah. What's that noise? Is that outside?

Yeah. It's that song coming back. Well, this is a very different podcast, Joe. I never thought I'd get nervous on your podcast. Are you nervous? Well, no, I started when the head stuff gets on your podcast. Are you nervous? Well, no. I started when the head stuff gets me a little. Does it? Then you should do it.

Fuck no. No. It would kill me. They give you the finger. They look like jokers. They have like joker masks on. You see them when your eyes are open or your eyes are closed? Your eyes are closed.

You see them way more visual. The visuals are way more potent than anything you could ever see with your eyes open. your eyes are closed you see them way more visual the visuals are way more potent than anything you could ever see with your eyes open they give you the finger they're spinning around giving you the finger spiteful little bastards well they're having fun with you they're letting you know like stop i think it's their way of telling you not to take yourself seriously what do you think look where we are like you take yourself seriously dude we're we're in another dimension and we're fucking mocking you. But you're creating it, right? Your brain's creating it.

I don't know. Yeah, I would think so. You think there's really something out there? What, here's, I don't know. And this is the best way to describe it. I don't know what life is. I think life itself, like this life that we live is, if it didn't exist, if uh if you if you said if you just you know you were creating a universe you had no no point of reference and he said we're gonna have a bunch of

people that the way they interact and let each other know what's on their mind is they make noises with their face and then everybody's noises are different depending on what patch of land you're in and those those noises represent like shit that we've written down with symbols. But everybody's symbols are different too. There's some similar ones that a lot of people use in different places. But then the Russians, they change them up. And the Chinese change them. And the Japanese have their own system.

And the Koreans have their own shit. And then the Spanish people use fucking water slides over the top of their ends. You know, everything's weird, right? And the only way they communicate with each other is by doing this. And then someone came along and they invented a translator. So you take a copy, big slabs of text, you throw it into Google Translate, and it spits back up some broken English version of what that person is saying. Just that alone is weird that's just that alone

is weird the fact that there's a planet with these types of people these entities and they're sending photos of each other they're they're fucking they're flying in metal tubes they're broadcasting video through the sky and you could pick it up on your phone and you could watch it i mean that alone is very psychedelic it's just we don't think of it because we keep doing it. What we do as comedians is entirely psychedelic. When you're on stage this weekend at the Laugh Factor and you're killing. Killing. Hello.

Killing. The Sound System Award. When you're doing that, that's like a form of mass hypnosis. You got those people locked into the way you're thinking. And you're doing something to their body by you talking and you talking in this expert rhythm of the master stand-up comedian and hitting all the punch lines and thank you good night and they're like what a show they laughed and all you did was make noises with your mouth that represent ideas that you can introduce into their head that

they wouldn't have ordinarily pieced together like you really know my act i know how you work but that's psychedelic i mean so what is going on when you take a drug and you see these things with your eyes closed i'm not sure because it seems like they're way fucking smarter than me it seems like they're mocking me they understand me and they're so beyond anything that i could ever experience on this planet it seems like if i don't know if there is anything other than this dimension i don't know but scientists seem to explain it in some sort of a way where i'm willing to listen to them but i don't there's definitely something, I mean, just the fact that this is all atoms and it's moving. Everything's moving is beyond my scope.

I mean, I can't. Like you said something one time. I think we were sitting on stage about, you know, we have no control over our journey through space as a planet. Yeah. And the thing that's interesting to me is we have absolutely no control. I mean, if this planet just dropped for some gravitational reason, there's nothing we could do. What if it just started falling?

That's what I'm saying. There's a whole solar system. Like a comet. Everything's spinning, and our planet just drops. What would we do? I mean, we're going, oh, fuck. Get in my spaceship. Somebody put something in my drink.

There's nothing you can do. Yeah, we're fleas. Fleas on a dog. That's what cracks me up about people who are so full of themselves. I'm thinking, what are you fucking cocky for? We don't even know what we're doing here. That's what they tell you when you do DMT. That's what those things are doing when they're giving you the finger.

They're like, you fucking idiot. You take yourself seriously? Wouldn't it be cool if it was always there? Those guys are always around you. And the only thing that psychedelics does is speed down your timing belt a little so you can see them. Kind of like where dogs are always barking at invisible things. And sometimes dogs... What if dogs see DMT the whole time with you mixed in?

I don't think dogs bark at invisible things. They hear sounds that you can't hear. Dimethyltryptamine. Rick Strassman will be on the podcast, folks. He'll be on sometime soon. We're working out the date, but I'll be talking to him soon. He'll be flying in.

Most likely it'll be October. Looking forward to it. Rick Strassman, if anyone knows who he is, he's one of the first guys to ever get permission from the DEA to do university studies on book about it called DMT, the spirit molecule, where they were injecting intravenous DMT into people's bodies where it's the biggest, the longest trip. If you smoke it, it goes directly into your bloodstream, but your body brings it back to baseline in about 10 to 15 minutes, depending upon the dose.

But if you inject it, it takes a half hour. And apparently these people all had like these intense intense dmt trips like what i'm talking about but that went on for 30 minutes fuck that right fuck that get me in there sign me up so you would do a 30 minute one yeah dude i did five of them the other day i did one after the other wow yeah we kept doing it damn it was amazing yeah you walk out of there you feel better about life you feel better about people you feel sorry for like angry shitty people instead of being mad back at them you feel sorry for them and you're not concerned with any side effects no none there's none i think the side effects that i had when i did it those years ago when i was

talking to you about it i think a lot of those side effects were based on where i was in my head at that time that it was so obliterating and then it took me a while to sort of come to grips with what i learned from that experience but this this experience um which is at least two years since my last one, this experience was only positive. There was nothing negative about it. It was like I was ready for this experience. Like instead of it like knocking me in the dirt, I had learned enough from my last one that I came into it in a good place. Like you're always going to have like a certain amount of ridicule from them. you're always going to have like a certain amount of ridicule from them like you're always going to like it'll put a lot of your ideas and your uh like a lot of your like what you think is important

in a perspective so i think like that always happens because i think being a person stopping at red lights talking to people and dealing with customer service on the phone like you you develop a just a certain pattern of behavior that you think is normal for existing in society and that that normalcy you carry around with you like a shield and when you do dmt they go give me that they throw it away you're like you silly like look at all this and they're showing you this insane fractal universe that you exist in. And it's only positive to me. But that's me.

I wouldn't advise it. You know, like I said, I had that one weird trip that fucked me up for a couple weeks. And I'm pretty stable and sane in comparison to a lot of people that I know. So if you're not stable or not sane or you're having real problems, I wouldn't recommend you doing it. Yeah. Right here. That's me. That's you? I would recommend you doing it. Yeah. Right here. That's me. That's you?

I would recommend you doing it, though. Oh, fuck no. Yeah, I mean, I'm very... I've had a few bad trips like we've talked about in the past, and I've still done it even though knowing those bad trips, but there was also

like a recent time where I did mushrooms where I remember going, you know what? I think I'm done with this. I'm not going to learn anything more from this. This is now just kind of like me fucking with my brain that hopefully everything

works out okay you can definitely learn more stop by yourself i'll still i'm not writing it off but there was that's what i felt my last trip though when i was in my trip it just i would hate getting stuck in there yeah eddie bravo's tattoo artist um i forget the gentleman's name but uh he's a really good tattoo artist the guy who did that biomech stuff on his arm he did dmt like 100 days in a row and somewhere you know somewhere during the trip the the dmt entities were like hey hey hey no more stop enough like they were telling him you got to stop doing this. Wow. But he was creating all this artwork and he was having all these visions. And he wanted to be in the DMT realm more than he wanted to be in the regular world. So he was like pulling back from the regular world.

He was like he didn't want to interact with people. He just couldn't wait to get back to his house to get blasted again. So he'd go into hyperspace. When you finally get into just the DMT realm, you just become just become homeless right that's what those guys are probably on the streets they've done so much drugs most of them mixed with you know you know schizophrenia in their backgrounds maybe but if those are just people have fucked their brains up right i don't know i mean i think a lot of people are just mentally ill i don't think they've done it necessarily to themselves with drugs i think there's lot that would be unfair to assume.

I think a lot of those guys are just people. Look, some people get cancer. Some people have, you know, serious diseases. I have hypothyroidism. Some people have, uh, you know. Yeah, yeah, I have that. It's hereditary. My mother has it. What's that do to you? Um, I take a thyroid

medication. It does, so it fixes it, but, which really fixes it fine. It doesn't affect me at all. But it would make me real tired towards the end of the day. When I was on Fear Factor, I started getting concerned because I was getting these weird headaches. They were weird. Like at the end of the day, I would be so exhausted. And I would get these headaches where it was like my head was just compressed.

And it felt like the only solution was to sleep. Like I would fall asleep like watching TV and I was like, this is not normal. I know what a normal tired feels like. This does not feel like a normal tired. And they call it Hashimoto's disease. And it's just some weird hereditary failure of your thyroid gland. That's part of the endocrine system, right? Yeah. Yeah.

It just comes from, you know, I mean, they don't know what it comes from, but a lot of people get it. My ex-girlfriend and I, remember, you helped her because she was having really bad ups and downs, and she tried all these different ones, and you turned her on to this one. Yeah, Armour Thyroid. Armour Thyroid is made from pig's thyroids, and it's very biocompatible to human beings and it makes it essentially like you don't have an issue but i had the other stuff the different thyroid medications weren't so good until i got this stuff yeah yeah there's a lot

of people that have it man super common sometimes it's uh i would never have guessed that because you have so much fucking energy that was what was weird to them they didn't understand why i was so lean when when they they brought me and they tested me, they're like, how come has this affected your weight? Have you gotten fat? And I was like, no, not at all. No, because I would push through it. Even though I would be tired, I would force myself to work out. And when you're doing jujitsu, it's so intense that you're fighting for your life, essentially, when you're on the mat.

And so there's no way you can half-ass life essentially when you're on the mat and so there's there's no way you can half-ass a workout so i stayed lean even though i had this issue but it was definitely affecting my endurance like i i noticed a big difference since i started taking it and now you're back to normal totally normal yeah but um you know people have weird things i mean you were talking about kidney stones some people have you know some people have kidney diseases some people have kidney diseases. Some people have failure. Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane have this next-door neighbor

they were talking about on their radio show today who's losing his liver. His liver's dying. He drank too much and he killed his liver. And he's waiting for a fucking transplant. Shit goes wrong, man. The body doesn't always work forever. Nobody gets out alive.

Nobody gets out alive. Nobody gets out alive. I've been drinking again. Oh, Jesus, Dom. Now you tell us. You want a drink right now? No. Okay, good. It's a test. That means you could put it away. You didn't get all shaky in the head. I wake up fucking drunk

every day. Every day? Every day. Wow. Just to give yourself a day off. I was thinking about that maybe tonight. Well, we'll play some pool after this. Give yourself a break.

You don't want to play pool drunk. You'll be upset with yourself. Do you enjoy drinking water or is water hard for you to drink? I love drinking water. You love water?

What kind of question is that? I hate water. Do you enjoy drinking water? I mean, I like Tang better. You hate water? Yeah. Why? It just doesn't do it for me.? I mean, I like Tang better. You hate water? Yeah. Why?

It just doesn't do it for me. I'd rather drink Gatorade, but I water. That's fucking terrible for you. I mean, it's not bad for you after you work out because you need to replenish the sugars. The electrolytes and sugars, too. Right. Like, one of the best things after you work out is actually chocolate milk. Really?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Chocolate milk is great, especially after you lift weights because it has a little bit of protein in it um it has uh milk milk proteins uh it also has uh casein i think it's called and uh sugar because of the chocolate and the syrup and all that jazz it actually replenishes your glycogen it's really it's like the best that's me and chocolate milk well first of all it's me howdy lips that is you sexy as fuck where's this show me that was a long time ago man that's uh early 2000s somewhere around there we've known each other a long time brother yeah man we've known each other since the 90s my

brother dom and i we played pool at amsterdam Billiards in like 1993 or something. You had just gotten that show, I think. I don't even think I had it yet. You didn't have it yet? I don't think so. I think I'd just done your show. I did that Showtime thing with you in Montreal, and then we ran into each other. That's where we knew each other, in Amsterdam.

I love that place. It was great. The one on the Upper West Side was great. The new one's great, too. It's on the East Side. I haven't seen it. Where is it at? I don't remember the streets, but it's like lower numbers on the east side.

It's great. New York has a bunch of pool halls, but L.A., they're all gone, man. They're all gone. All the pool halls in L.A. I used to enjoy that one, Hollywood Billiards. It was fun, too, the other one. We'd take the girls out. Oh, yeah.

At the Hollywood Athletic Club. Hollywood Athletic Club. Yeah, it was fun, too, the other one. We could take the girls out. Oh, yeah. At the Hollywood Athletic Club. Hollywood Athletic Club. Yeah, that was great. That was back in the 90s, Dominic. Burbank still has a good one. Yeah, they still have, what is it, Fantasia or something like that? Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.

That's a nice table you got here. Yeah, that's a good table. That's an old gold crown, too. That's from the 1970s. I'm excited to rock balls. Four-inch pockets, my friend. Very small pockets. Oh, no, really? Oh, God. Oh, they're going to hurt your soul. I'm excited to rock balls. Four-inch pockets, my friend. Very small pockets. Oh, no, really?

Oh, God. Oh, they're going to hurt your soul. It's going to break. Yeah, this guy Ernesto Dominguez, top pool player, he's also a great table mechanic. And his son, rather, Oscar Dominguez, a top pro. And they cut these table pockets. They made this? Well, they built the table.

So they make these table openings like four-inch holes. So it's very, very difficult to play. What's a normal one? Five. That's a big difference. Yeah. Suffer. My back's going to be killing me from racking.

See, that's something I would do. If I couldn't do stand-up anymore, I would try playing pool professionally. Try going on a tour. If there was a tour. Tour's kind of dead now. It's amazing because it's such a great sport. It needs a television show. Yeah.

Pool needs like Larry the Cable Guy to travel the country. You're right. It needs something. I thought about doing it for a while. I thought about doing a show where I go from town to town and play the best guy in the house or something like that. But people would get bored. I told you this before. You've got too much going on in your life to put in the practice it would take to be a pro.

I know, but I get obsessed. You get obsessed with things, Dom Irrera. You don't get obsessed with anything? If you get the old fucking moves back, you wouldn't try a little bit of pro ball? Come on, a little bit of dribbling between the legs. People don't know,

you're a good basketball player. I was. I could shoot. You could beat somebody at horse, you think? Fuck people up at horse? I had these two kids, I was in Ohio,

and I guess they heard I could play basketball. They said, were you a good basketball player? I said, well, for a comedian, they go, could you jump? I go, I could grab good basketball player? I said, well, for a comedian. They go, could you jump? I go, I could grab the rim.

You know, at my height, that's a good jump. They go, were you fast? I go, I was really fast. They go, you, you? I go, not what you see now, you fucking idiot. Not this fucking bloated old Chinese man. Whatever the fuck I am. No.

You know, like a fucking 145 pounds of monkey muscle. When you see, when you see your face go Chinese, do you have the urge to just walk around

like this? Do you have the urge to fight it? I don't know what happened. Is that a disease? Look at me. I don't know what the fuck

happened to my head. I think it's, a lot of it is water retention, alcohol. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Your body fat rises. your whole face gets chinese like very moon i want you to be honest with me have i lost too much weight do i look gone to you look beautiful i love you no matter what you look like um this uh i wish you were a hot chick This drinking thing Is this something you want to do something about

Yeah I got it Before you've done it like cold turkey Yeah My doctor said just take a half a Xanax And you can I said will I get convulsions and shit If I stop drinking cold turkey He says no

I guess because my body withdrew from it all day today You know what i mean it's not like i'm drinking i get up and have a drink and then you ask me if i want to drink oh yeah i could go for one it's not like that right it's just you convenient like it's a pattern that you fall into when you go out at night i love being high and like uh i'll sit there at night and i'll go i'm gonna have like two shots then i go all right, I'm going to have like two shots. Then I go, all right, six shots. Six shots? Yeah, I just keep on going. Every night?

Yeah. What's your main drink? Your main, your go-to drink? Whatever I can reach. I like Jameson. I like Dirty Martinis. Oh, so you just drink straight with no mixers? Yeah.

Maybe start doing large drinks and then it's like you know like i do ginger ale no he wants to get drunk see i want to get drunk i don't want to get i don't want to try to like sit there sipping i don't want to enjoy it like a fruitcake hey jackass open up your ear put this umbrella in your drink it makes it more difficult to find the liquid it's on the top you gotta move it around it makes makes your drinks lower. I fucking hate like pina coladas and shit like that. Really? Do you like that?

Do you like getting caught in the rain? Do you like the smell of the ocean or the taste of champagne? I like Jimmy Buffett. Do you like making love at midnight? I don't think that was Jimmy Buffett. If you like pina coladas. Who was that? I thought it was Jimmy Buffett.

No, I don't believe so. Look it up, motherfucker. Yeah. You're sexy, motherfucker. Shaking that ass. Shaking that ass. Yeah, I feel like it's someone else. Yep, Jimmy Buffett.

Is it? Yep. If you like people. Don't you bring your primitive skills to me about music, Mr. Rogan. No, it's Rupert Holmes. What? You fucking knucklehead. This is Jimmy Buffett.

Rupert Holmes, recorded by American singer Rupert Holmes. What? You fucking knucklehead. This is Jimmy Buffett. Rupert Holmes, recorded by American singer Rupert Holmes. I think it was made famous by Jimmy Buffett. It's on the Midnight Special. Burt Sugarman. Here we go. Rupert Holmes. You're both right. This is theupert Holmes. You're both right. No, this is the famous one.

Yeah, that's it. It's Rupert Holmes. So don't trust Brian Redband to Google anything for you. Don't bet your life on it. If I play Jimmy Buffett's song, it's probably going to sound exactly the same, but that's probably the one that you know. Play the Jimmy Buffett. I want to hear it.

Okay, play the Jimmy Buffett. Well, this guy probably going to sound exactly the same, but that's probably the one that you know. Play the Jimmy Buffett. I want to hear it. Okay, play the Jimmy Buffett. Well, this guy is, this is the guy who made the, he had the hit. The guy who had the hit that was on the radio was Rupert Holmes. Okay. Yeah, you were right, I think. I'm definitely right. I know how to Google. You Google with your dick or something. I don't even think you pay attention

to what you write in there. I honestly thought that that was a Jimmy Buffett song. Jimmy Buffett is the fucking Margaritaville guy. Yeah, maybe that's why. He's not a pina colada guy.

How did we go from talking about the universe to this? Brian Redman. Fucking, he's the crowbar in any intellectual discussion. Cling,

clang, your gears get ground up and then the fucking elves give you the finger. See, but like look at things like this like if you like peanut clod

jimmy buffett that's an idiot that doesn't know that it's not jimmy buffett that's just some moron on youtube unless jimmy buffett actually sang a version of it

see if you can find a jimmy buffett version of it okay but jimmy buffett was wasting away again margaritaville

he has a whole fucking station on xm you can listen to jimmy buffett all the time yeah I don't think I want that if you're in florida you would Yeah, yeah, Margaritaville. He has a whole fucking station on XM. You can listen to Jimmy Buffett all the time. Yeah, I don't think I want that. If you're in Florida, you would. If you're in Florida and you're popping Xanax and drinking booze and just fucking sitting on the beach with your flip flops. I don't do them together, Joe.

You used to, right? No. Never? No. But you'd take a Xanax in the morning and by the time it wears off, then you're drinking. Yeah. That's how it works.

Is there a version of it? Well, there's one that one i was showing but you know you're right it's mostly all just rupert holmes and jamie just showed me something like the five songs that people think are from the wrong artists oh it's actually like a really okay really yeah yeah yeah because it seems like it would be kind of a jimmy buffett song but i knew it wasn't him and it's because of margaritaville i think you totally nailed it right there. I think that's why I just immediately thought. It's one of those old-ass songs that you don't understand, like The Things You Do For Love. Who the fuck sang that?

It's like walking in the rain and the snow and there's nowhere to go. And you're feeling like a part of you is dying. Who the fuck was looking for the answer in our eyes. I had a copy of that when I was a little kid. I was a little kid, like maybe six or seven, and we had a 45 of that song, Things You Do For Love. It was like the first song I ever owned.

Who sang that? I don't know who sang that. Who the fuck knows? See if Brian will pull it up. What's it called? Jimi Hendrix. Jimi Hendrix. Led Zeppelin.

The Who. It's a British band called 10CC. 10CC. I've heard of them. Wow, really? A friend of mine was on a cruise ship and Robert Plant was on it. Oh, wow. Somebody called him Led.

Oh, my God. His first name was Led. What a disaster. Why would Robert Plant go on a fucking, why would he ever do that? I don't know. Like get trapped on a boat? Oh, I fucking, have you ever done it? No.

I did two of them. No. No. I've been on fishing boats. I don't like boats. That's it. I like fishing boats. I like yachts.

If I lived near a lake, I would be in heaven. If I lived in a lake and i could just pull like a nice bass boat out there and go fishing i love fishing it's so fun so primal too something about catching your dinner you know you throw that sucker on ice fillet it get home cook it eat it very satisfying something like caveman style satisfying it just feels great have a couple of beers when you're out there cast Cast a line. Enjoy the day. I'd rather just go to the seafood restaurant. Oh, dumb.

You say that. Joseph. Did you ever catch a big fish? No. It's fucking fun. I never fished. Look at me. Do I look like a fish?

I got to put up some YouTube videos of me and Ari when we were in Alaska last summer. We had a great time. Sounds romantic. We, well, that was that part too but we caught the salmon run like right when the king salmon were running strong oh and we caught like seven eight fish a day and they were giant like big 30 40 pound salmon it was so fun i got some videos i need to put them up on youtube i've had them them for a while, but we had a fucking blast. Because we had a gig up there.

We scheduled a gig for one day, but we went fishing for two days before the gig. It was so much fun. Yeah, that's cool. Joe, did you see the video of the grouper eating a shark? Yes. Put that shit up. It's probably going to get us pulled from YouTube. Groupers are gigantic, right?

Some of them. This is the part of the show where we say, this will get us pulled from YouTube. Groupers are gigantic, right? Some of them. This is the part of the show where we say, this will get us pulled from YouTube. If you're tired of shit getting pulled from YouTube, folks, go to Vimeo. Vimeo doesn't pull things like YouTube does for whatever reason. There we go. But this grouper is, groupers, if you don't know, they get to be like hundreds of pounds. They're fucking huge. So this guy has caught this shark, and the grouper just ganks his fucking shark.

He's pulling the shark in, and this enormous, I mean, they're like 400 or 500 pounds sometimes, these Goliath groupers. And it comes up, and it snatches his fucking shark. He's got the shark floating around on top, and the fish can't help himself. He's like, fuck it. Here he goes. Look at this thing Look at the size of this fucking thing One bite

One bite inhales the entire shark Wow Fucking unreal That's how big a goliath grouper is And if you catch one of those bitches You're gonna be pulling that thing in for hours. You're going to be hanging on.

I don't even like going to a seafood restaurant that tell you to cook your own fish. Do they do that? Yeah. In Hawaii, I've seen it.

They tell you to cook your own fish. You got to clean my plate too? Don't you like you go on a date? It's like we're doing activities.

We're cooking together. Go turn it over for me. I like dipping fondue. I take the bread, I dip it in the cheese. That's good too, Joe. People like that Korean barbecue. You have the hot thing in front of you and you slap down the... There's a place in the mall out here.

They do that. I love that place. It's annoying. You don't like it? No, it's stupid. The only bad thing is you smell so bad when you leave. If I was going to cook myself, I wouldn't cook like that. I like cooking over charcoal, like lump charcoal.

You get that smoky flavor. It's more about all you can eat, though. Oh, is it all you can eat? Yeah. This place is not all you can eat. Oh, yeah, yeah. You choose which meat group you want. They have an $18 per person, $24, $30.

And if you get the $31, you get a different menu. You can just order as much as you want from that meat. I don't like all-you-can-eat things. Psychologically, it seems to lower the quality. Really? All-you-can-eat sushi. Oh, yeah. But Brazilian steakhouses, it's fantastic.

Those chujas carillas where you have that card. The card with them? Yeah. Like, it's green on Those chujas carillas where you have that card. The card with them? Yeah, like it's green on one side and red on the other. When it's red, you want to take a break. When it's green, they just keep coming with new food. Yeah, they have a place like that in Philly. After Eddie Bravo fought in Metamorris or had his grappling match in Metamorris, we went to Fogo de Chao near the Beverly Center.

That's the one. Brian and I have eaten at about most of them across the one. That's the best. Brian and I have eaten at about most of them. Most of them across the country. There's a new one in San Diego

I need to try. Yeah, I know. I noticed when I was down at the American Comedy Company when we would show up at a town and we found a Fogo we'd go,

oh, we'd get all excited and we'd go there. Yeah, it's delicious. Joey Diaz would look at you like you're an asshole if you go anywhere near that salad bar. Why you fucking

with that salad bar, dog? Listen, sit down here. You're in no danger. You're in no danger. Bring it over. Bring it over. What do we got? What do we got?

What do we got? He'd start talking in Spanish to the fucking guys with the skewers. They speak Portuguese. He's talking to them in Spanish, trying to find some middle ground. I recently went, and they hide that picanha now. That guy is hard to find. You ask two different people, and you get so much chicken sausage and bacon stuff, and you're like, just give me the picanha now. That guy is hard to find. You ask two different people and you get so much chicken sausage and bacon stuff. And you're like, just give me the picanha.

I think it's a matter of how many people are there. Some things are more popular. But last time we were there, they kept coming with it. They had the picanha and the garlic beef. Picanha is like top sirloin. What they do is they have an open fire. It's like a wood fire. It's real.

And they have these skewers that they lean over the fire and the skewers spin around and when when they deem that it's ready then they bring it over your table slice pieces off the outside and they put it right back on the fire salt it yeah they re-salt it and put like have a basting thing that they do and so this is this big piece of meat and they put it over this fire and they just slowly cook the outside and then they, and they just slowly cook the outside. And then they put it back in, slowly cook the outside. I'm getting hungry. Oh, there's a place near here. You want to eat after this?

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. By the way, Joe, our Green Mountain Grill, they have a new app now. You can use the app to tell when your food's done. Yeah, yeah. They sent me the info. I got to hook it up, though.

You got to get a guy to come to your house, though, and plug it in. Right, the sensor thing. Yeah, it's not easy to do. But that Green Mountain Grill is awesome. That's a pellet grill, if you don't know what that is it's a smoker it smokes your your food like like an oven that's the hot smoke of uh this burning firewood or this burning uh hardwood they take hardwood and when you like say if you bought a table like this table is made out of oak. Well, someone who cut this wood, you leave a lot of sawdust. And they buy the hardwood sawdust and they compress it into these pellets, which with the natural sugars of the wood. There's no additives.

It's just the wood itself. And then you pour these pellets. It looks like almost like, you ever seen that pine kitty litter to use that stuff? Yeah. It's the best stuff. It cuts the smell back the most. But you take these pellets and you pour it into this, hopper it's like this box close the lid on it and then you set the temperature and it automatically keeps the fire going it's like this got this um

what is it called an element that that heats it up and it spins it in like this gear and the the pellets automatically get introduced and the fire has the exact right amount of temperature. And you can keep it at like, you know, like for 250 or 350. It's like a crock pot for grills. It's amazing. It's so easy. Like I used to have another kind of smoker. I used to have to add wood to it all the time.

It was a nightmare. This thing does it all itself. And it tastes like all those guys, like if you ever watch those barbecue competitions, you ever watch those things on like the Food Channel? A lot of those guys, they use ever watched those barbecue competitions? You ever watch those things on the Food Channel? A lot of those guys, they use those pellet grills now. The pellet grills are a big deal. Yeah, you put the meat on earlier in the afternoon, you come back, and it's just falling off the bone.

No, it's pretty badass. It's pretty badass. I'm a big fan. I'm a big, big fan. I'm right back at you, Joseph. Big fan. I love cooking, man. Cooking is fun.

It's especially fun when you're cooking something that you killed yourself. Big fan, Tom. I ran right back at you, Josie. Big fan. I love cooking, man. Cooking is fun. It's especially fun when you're cooking something that you killed yourself. When you cut it up yourself and you slap that bitch on the grill. It's very exciting. Never killed anything. Would you be willing? I'm thinking about doing a hunting show. This is the idea of the hunting show. The idea of the hunting show is I go out with people that have never been hunting before.

Whether it's comedians like Hannibal Buress. He said he would go. A lot of guys are interested in going. I would go to the five-star hotel closest to where he goes to go hunt. And you wouldn't hunt? No. What if we took you out in a pickup truck and you could just roll down the window and fire it out the window? Yes.

Definitely. Would you do that for real? Yeah, that's my style. You can do that in some places in texas there's a ranch that aubrey hunted at where you literally shoot your rifle from the front seat of the truck oh i love that the fucking truck has no windshield so you drive around on this truck you know i don't know if it's like a jeep or if it's an actual pickup truck they knock the windshield out but you drive around this truck and then they get close to these herds of animals and then they fucking set your rifle up right there through the window boom you shoot it then you get out of the truck you get it you take a photo with it oh i gotta get out of the truck you don't have to okay i'll bring it to you

i'm still in i'll bring it to you and you can wave instead of taking a picture with the animal you kill you just wave from the window. This is Dom. This is Dom's deer. And then they take care of everything else. It's like the laziest way to hunt ever. I would like that. Me and Sophie were in Hawaii, and she was snorkeling. She's only a year or so fucking lazy to find a way to snorkel without even even going underwater i got one of those rafts that you see through put my head on that

you just snorkeled with a raft yeah oh that's hilarious i snorkeled for the first time last time i was in hawaii it was awesome it's really fun yeah swimming around a reef we're around a reef you're seeing all these fish moving around their little world. You know, it was a little, I stepped on a sea anemone though. This fucker went right in my foot. Really? Yeah, they had to pour vinegar all over my foot. You're supposed to do it if you're going to go near a reef. Like, reefs are really sharp.

You're supposed to do it with those scuba shoes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was just barefoot. But you stepped down the wrong spot and these sea anemones, like black spines, went deep into my foot. Oh, God. Yeah, it fucked me up. I never go in the ocean without shoes on.

I just don't want to step on anything gross. Like what? Condoms? Like dead... I stepped on dead jellyfish once, and it was just disgusting, and just, you know, there's a lot of gross stuff in the ocean. Jellyfish can fuck you up. Especially Australia.

Oh, yeah. If you go to Australia,ralia there's um certain species of jellyfish that kill people every year yeah i was just there a couple months ago and in perth they have the helicopters going over you know to to spot the sharks they have that in adelaide too really yeah because they have well they see them see them. Yeah. They warn people. Fuck that. Big white, great white sharks. Yeah, that's a scary spot. Apparently the most scary spot for sharks is South Africa.

Australia's pretty bad. Is it bad? Yeah. That's also a place where a lot of people surf too, right? Yeah. Did you ever surf? Yeah. Really?

I've surfed. You surfed, but what was it like? I was a pretty good athlete then. I got up a couple times. I did it a few times. The thing about it, you have to be a strong swimmer to really get out there to enjoy it. You can't just go 20 feet and expect to ride something in. You've got to get up.

And you've got to climb on it just the right time, too, right? Yeah. It's probably difficult. Yeah yeah it's very difficult there's a place in abu dhabi i think it's abu dhabi or dubai i've seen that they created an indoor surfing yeah that's pretty wild it's ridiculous so most ridiculous thing ever like isn't the whole idea is that you're out there in the ocean with nature and these guys are in the of the desert. We're in a pool in a mall. Sometimes you got to settle. Neil Brennan did comedy there.

Was it Neil that used to sit? Eddie F. Eddie F. Eddie F does comedy? He tries. I'm kidding. No, he does. That's right.

Eddie F just had a Kickstarter. He created his own mobile podcast van van like a van to go drive around do podcasts we talked about doing that on the podcast like getting a stream one of those uh streamers what are those called streamlines streamlines those beautiful silver ones yeah those silver things is that called streamline yeah why i feel like it's called something else streamline trailer it's the silver one yeah well. Well, that thing. The cool looking retro looking one. Yeah. Gulfstream. Jimmy Buffett had one.

Stream. I was actually thinking about recently just selling it because I have my second car and selling it and try to get one of those and move Death Squad into that. It's not a bad idea, dude. I thought about doing it too and like that we could do them like on the road. You could do it like you show up an hour early for a gig, do a gig, you know, do it in the parking lot.

Am I still on the death squad? There was no initiation fees. You got your tattoo on your back still? The lower back. The lower back, two dolphins kissing. Where would you like to come? Put it there. Yeah, this one.

where you like to come, put it there. Yeah, this one. There's a company that makes a high-end version of these things where the inside of it is like Airstream. There it is. I know you fucked it up. Streamline.

What did I say? Streamline? Yep. But there is a Streamline. See, this is a Streamline trailer. Oh. Some of them are Streamlines. Yeah.

They just ripped off the Airstream name. Yeah, look at that. Imagine, look at that sexy thing. How much are these? They're fucking streamlined. Yeah. They just ripped off the Airstream game. Yeah, look at that. Imagine, look at that sexy thing. How much are these? They're fucking expensive. Wow. They're not cheap. $2,000.

Because they're really made well. Oh, that'd be so... There's a place up in Big Sur where you rent them. They have them set up on this property, and that's how you camp. They have a little grill out there. Duncan was up there for a week. He loved it. He said Big Sur is his favorite place on the planet.

It's beautiful. I know. There's one in Joshua Tree where a lot of L.A. comics, they rent out a trailer. I went to it also where they had this big circle of trailers, and each one's decorated like the 70s, the retro one, the Star Trek one. Do you have any interest in doing like going to burning man no next year we should podcast from burning man if we're in a trailer yes but if we oh yeah dude we're gonna be in trailer that's what i mean i mean i will go there if there's a trailer but what is burning man it's a ridiculous festival out in the middle of the desert where everyone gets together and they all

like dance around and do drugs they don't shower it's an excuse to be stinky it's like it's a like a psychedelic sort of a festival and these people they all get together look at this one brian they have one that's like a truck they have uh they have like a coach and you could drive it around they call them interstate exts look at this oh wow yeah so you could drive it around. They call them interstate EXTs. Look at this. Oh, wow. Yeah.

So you could drive it. So it could have like your, your kitty cat on the side of it and get someone to paint it or get one of those, a wrap. Yeah. And you take one of these things around. If you develop,

like if you really developed a plan and like set forth like a, like a, a real like legitimate plan to get one of these things you could do it in a couple of years here's will smith at burning man this year on segways will smith was there yeah no for real or is it a will smith mask no which one's will smith this one right here are they dancing together what are they doing they're filming something yeah they're they're getting jiggy with, they're getting jiggy with it. Are they getting jiggy with it? Yeah.

Dennis McKenna, he, or not Dennis McKenna, Graham Hancock, rather, he goes there every year. I think he just got back from it. It just happened, right? Yeah, it was last week, and actually the first day or two was canceled because of rain. They had rain, and it flooded all the roads going into it.

They even have these really small ones. Look, they just attach to the back of your trailer, and then you can just leave it at home if you want to. Yeah, there's some good ones. Rain? Where is it? Arizona? Where does Burning Man take place? I want to think it was California.

Why did I think it was California? Death Valley. Yeah, that's California. Any desire to go to Burning Man, Dom? No desire at all, Joe. What if we were doing a podcast down there next year? Would you want to stay for one day? We'll limo you in.

Yeah. You come out, you do the podcast, we'll limo you out. You're in? Yeah. Dom O'Reilly's in. That's great. Heard it here first. Limo him in to the podcast.

We hang out, we drink, we eat. Well, we've been talking about taking this bitch mobile. Doing some podcasts in New York. Doing some podcasts in other places where I can't get certain guests to come here. So I want to go to them. I like it here. You like it here? It's a good spot.

Yeah, very good. But you know. What'd you do with the werewolf? He's right out there. He's right out by the pool table. How the fuck could I miss that? You're not paying attention. Jeez.

Black Rock Desert is where Burning Man is. Where's that? Arizona? Nevada? Nevada. Hmm. Didn't they try to enforce laws there this year? They're saying, like, they catch people with drugs, they're going to arrest them and some

shit. Check your car for weapons. Leave people alone with fucking drugs. Jeez. Hey, they're going to make money somehow down my area. That's exactly what it is. You got to with the fucking drugs. Jeez. Hey, they gotta make money somehow down my era. That's exactly what it is. You gotta keep

all those people in uniform. Who gives a fuck? Why do people even care? Old people, conservatives, people who want tax dollars. Why is it their business? It's not their business.

That's the point. That's what makes young people so angry. It's almost like they know that their control they have is fleeting and they know that there's kind of a new age in the air.

Like what was going on in the 60s is going on now, but to a much larger extent and to a much more broad extent. Like the understanding of how corrupt our system is, the understanding of like how flawed it all is pieced together, even by the people that are in it, they're involved in it. It's like they're all admitting that the whole thing is a disaster, whether it's the financial system, the political system. And then on top of that, like marijuana is becoming legal.

Whether people like it or not, it's spreading. Colorado is making so much fucking tax money off of it. Isn't that great? Yeah. It's incredible. It's also happening in Washington State. Unprecedented numbers. Well, the two Super Bowl teams were both from states that was legal.

Of course. High as fuck. Come states that was legal. Of course. High as fuck. Come up with good ideas. Excellent strategies. Joe, I don't even, you know, I smoked pot four times in my life. Want to go for number five? Yeah. No?

Just one hit. Just a little bit? One hit. One hit. That's the way it always starts. Then I'll be a heroin addict in a week. It'll make you feel good. It's not a gateway drug, Joe.

It's a gateway drug, Joe. That's the partnership for a drug-free America trying to trick you. I'm totally convinced that it's not a gateway drug. It's a gateway drug, Joe. That's the Partnership for a Drug-Free America trying to trick you. I'm totally convinced that it's not a gateway drug, by the way. I'm totally convinced. I don't know anybody that went from pot to heroin. Well, you could, but you could also go from toothpaste to heroin. It doesn't mean that it's a gateway. Everybody drinks water who does heroin, by the way.

I think heroin should be legal, by the way. I do, too. I think everything should be legal, but I think there should be consequences to selling people things that are bad for them so i think that if you if heroin is legal but if you're selling heroin i think there should be massive consequences i think you should be if people die of overdoses i think you should be held responsible just like you should be held responsible say if you come up with uh you come up with some new medication you know you come up with if you're a pharmaceutical company and you come up with a new medication. You know, you come up with, if you're a pharmaceutical company and you come up with a new medication, it deals with migraines. But it also winds up killing a certain percentage of people.

You should be held financially responsible. You should be able to be sued. He's got a joint for you. What are you, the devil? He's the devil. Look at him. That's what the devil looks like. Everybody thinks the devil looks mean.

He looks cuddly. He looks like Red Band. The devil looks like a big sweetie. Go ahead. Yeah, see, there you are. I don't want it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He doesn't. Stop being a pusher. What were we talking about

before the devil? Just the legality of drugs and how ridiculous and you're saying that people who sell excuse me, who sell drugs to people should be held responsible. Yeah, being responsible for the repercussions of what happens to people when they use it. If people die of heroin

overdoses, if that's possible from something that you sell, you should be held financially responsible. Up to a point. Because, you know, you could die from salt. Yeah, you could die. If you give a guy bacon every day for breakfast, that's going to be dangerous for his heart. If you eat, no, it's not. Bacon, believe it or not, is not bad for you. Bacon?

Yep, not bad for you. It's the most delicious thing I've ever had in my life. It's not bad for you. You know what's bad for you? Being fat enough that bacon is bad for you. That's what's bad for you. You don't have to say it like that. I'm not saying that you're fat.

You said it like you projected me. It wasn't to you. I'm looking at you because you like the audience of my delivery, but I didn't mean you. You meant me. I meant Ralphie Mae. I meant someone larger. That's not me. I love Ralphie, by the way. These are just jokes. You're Ralphie Mae. I meant someone larger. That's not me. I love Ralphie, by the way.

These are just jokes. You're talking about me. I'm right here. Yeah, he's right there. But when you're so fat that bacon's doing you in, well, some people have naturally high cholesterol, too. That's another thing to take into consideration. There's some people that genetically have high cholesterol,

and they have to watch it. Yeah, yeah. And you also have to balance out your good cholesterol and your bad cholesterol. A lot of people think that cholesterol is all bad. There's LDL and HDL. There's good cholesterol and then there's cholesterol that is not good for you. Mine is good.

But if you have low cholesterol, there's certain cholesterol that's actually good for brain function. Yeah. I think. What kind of cholesterol is that? I've just heard that, though. Cholesterol. The kind of cholesterol is that? I've just heard that, though. Cholesterol. The hipster cholesterol? Good.

I'm going to write cholesterol. Good. Okay, here it is. Good versus bad cholesterol from the American Heart Association. Okay, so this is not bullshit at all. HDL and LDL triglycerides. What's the difference? An LDL cholesterol is considered the bad cholesterol because it contributes to plaque,

which is a thick, hard deposit that can clog arteries and make them less flexible. So arterial sclerosis is what comes from the bad cholesterol, and those narrowed arteries will give people heart attacks. from the bad cholesterol and those narrowed arteries or give people heart attacks hdl cholesterol is considered good cholesterol because it helps remove ldl cholesterol from the arteries which is interesting so crested does that is that that uh a pill yeah um and lipitor too right yeah same same kind of stuff experts believe that hdl acts as a scavenger carrying ldl cholesterol away from the arteries and back to the liver where it is broken down and passed from the body. One-fourth to one-third of blood cholesterol is carried by HDL.

A healthy level of HDL cholesterol may also protect against heart attack and stroke, while low levels of HDL cholesterol have been shown to increase the risk of heart attacks. cholesterol have been shown to increase the risk of heart attacks. Dr. Mark Gordon explained this to me when I had my blood work done. And what he was telling me is that there's a lot of issues like where people think they have high cholesterol. And then, you know, they say, oh, my cholesterol count is this. And you say, okay, what does that mean? Is it your HDL or your LDL? And then most people don't even know.

Right. Like they used to not know. And if you're dealing with a physician that doesn't understand the difference between the two, if they're not an expert in it, they can give you bad advice and get you on medication that you don't even need. You have high HDL. You have high healthy cholesterol. You really want to balance, allegedly. Coming from me, I'm no doctor to steal one of your bits i'm not a doctor but i had no idea

but um so my point is bacon not bad not bad for you did he went to a burning man this year and changed his it supposedly changed his life forever like look at this picture of him at burning man and then like look at this he was at burning man with his own little umbrella he didn't even have a guy holding it for him that's crazy and that's all pink who's that and uh supposedly it changed his life words explain. I'll never be the same. Bacon is loaded with fats, but they're good fats. The fats in bacon are about 50% monosaturated, and a large part of those is uleric acid. This is the same fatty acid that olive oil is praised for and is generally considered heart healthy. 40% of it is saturated fat accompanied by a decent amount of cholesterol, but we now know that the saturated fat isn't harmful and cholesterol in the diet doesn't affect cholesterol in the blood. Fascinating.

Right. That's the greatest news I had all day. Bacon. Bacon's good for you. Bacon and jogging. Let's go get some bacon sandwiches. Put the two of them together. So you're going to the gym though, right?

You work out? Yeah. Where do you work out? Don't tell people. They'll fucking stalk you stalk you they'll stalk you they'll steal your underwear break into your locker and shit in it you know the this place oh that place okay you know what i'm talking about yeah so you get a good workout there yeah i got a excuse me i got a torn rotator cuff partially torn so it's been tough to lift the weights and you get flabby right away at this age it's fine i was in uh perth and i opened up a elevator was closed during a fire alarm i pulled this thing oh unbelievable timing i'm in chicago fucking

totally in pain the guy comes up to me after he goes you know i'm an orthopedic surgeon uh i got 20 doctors here. A couple of us were talking about you. You have a partially torn rotator cuff. I said, wow, you can tell by looking at me. He goes, absolutely. He said, you can see the way he was raising my hand. He says, come in tomorrow, pro bono, I'll take care of you.

Wow. I says, you know, I got insurance. He says, no, no, you made me laugh for 25 years. I'll take care of you. So I think it's going to be me, him, and a needle. It whole group of doctors and you know he's trying to be funny he goes is that the hand you come with oh he said is that the hand you jerk off with i said well i jerk with that hand but i off with this hand you know and uh anyway so i'm up there and he gives me a needle in the shoulder i said well why i'm up here my hip hurts too he goes i'll look at that the x-ray that give me another fucking shot it was great so the partially turned rotator cuff

does it need surgery no no it's 85 i mean it's only 15 tour so it just needs exercise so you have to stabilize it is that what it is you have to you have to always uh be moving it does it fuck with you right now like If you're moving around? Yeah, sometimes like this, moving it like that, I can't. Again, that goes, this I can't do. I've never had real shoulder problems, but I had some recently where I shot too many arrows. I got overzealous with my bow and arrow. I have a 90-pound bow and an 80- 80 pound bow and i shot the 90 pound bow like

150 times a day chase it was just way too much my shoulder just got worn out and it was it was hurting for like a couple of months but thankfully it wasn't torn it's just like tendonitis like a very mild form of irritated tendons but now it's 100 took like five weeks five or six weeks i never had anything like it i was luckily it was my right hands because i'm left-handed so yeah it's not good shoulders are a weird joint yeah because shoulders move they're articulated in very strange ways as opposed to like knees which just bend like a hinge yeah when a shoulder goes bad it's bad for fighters it's a real issue for fighters like um they have to get surgery and they don't fight for fighters. It's a real issue for fighters. Like, they have to get surgery, and they don't fight for a year. It's a long time out.

It's a career ender for baseball players. Is it really? For pitchers, yeah. Yeah, I would imagine it would have to be really smooth. Fucking whipping that arm back like that. Can they fix that now, or still no? Yeah, they can fix it. But now it's not a career ender anymore.

Well, it can be. It's all according to how it's done. It still can be. Just like the elbow. Yeah, they can fix it. But now it's not a career-ender anymore. Well, it can be. It's all according to how it's staying. It still can be. You know, just like the elbow. Wow, man. It's weird when you find out there's parts of your body that they can't fix. Like, one of the things that I found out when I started to have back issues is they want to start cutting things. They want to start getting in there and fucking yanking shit out.

But there are certain things that they just can't fix. Like, they've started to give you't fix like they've started to give you artificial discs they've started to give those to people like they have um they have spacers where these like plastic things that they screw in in the place where your your mushy disc used to be and then now they have these titanium rotating discs that they put in your neck and yeah pretty crazy and some people um in countries, they do that, and they don't do it yet in America, I don't believe. So some people who get injured in America go to other countries

to get your fucking neck cut open, like Germany does it and England does it. They put a little fake disc in there that moves around, screws and shit. So much is how you get hit, like what you break. Like Bo Jackson, remember Bo Jackson? Great baseball and football player. He had a hip injury. It was the end of his career.

That was it. He kept playing baseball for a little while after that. He tried, yeah. He was the first one that ever played with an artificial hip, but, I mean, he was never the same. He had so much power. He was able to hit home runs without even turning over. He didn't even totally rotate.

He would halfway rotate. And he would get pissed. He would break a bat on his leg. You know how fucking hard that is to do? He's a super athlete. That guy, Bo Jackson, could have done anything. If he wanted to go into MMA, he would have been a world champion. Oh, my God.

He was such a super athlete. And they said he barely worked out, barely lifted weights. He was a freak, yeah. Just was naturally super strong and just a great athlete. Will Chamberlain was supposed to be like that because I'm from Philly and we always read about him. Oh, I'd imagine. Look at the size of the guy. But he was the fastest, too.

That's incredible. He was the fastest guy on his team. He was, you know. Well, you remember when Jordan was in his prime and he would literally fly through the air? Yeah. He would fly. Like, nobody had seen anything like that before. Julius Erving.

Sort of. The sky hook, right? No, no. The hook was uh abdul jabbar oh but julia serving was the first one that did the uh from the uh foul line and the dunk contest whoa really from the foul line and dunk yeah it's so crazy that someone can do that so fucking big joe that he could palm a record album what do you imagine that like you could be oh my god that's insane yeah that's insane that's insane yeah imagine if michael jordan got into mma was just flying across the

fucking cage and punching people there because there's levels of athleticism you know yeah it's like there's the average guy and then there's the above average guy and there's the guy who's above the above average guy, and then there's a super athlete, and then there's a Michael Jordan who makes the super athletes look like he's on another level from then. LeBron James does too. Yeah, same thing, right? Yeah, you know, an old buddy of mine is Charles Barkley. You know who he is? Sure. He was telling me, he goes, look at me.

He said, my thighs are 32 inches. He goes, I got a definite advantage. He goes, look at that little white guy, Scotty Brooks. He can barely touch the net. Yeah, there's certain physical advantages that are undeniable. Oh, yeah. The idea that all men are created equal is fucking preposterous. No, you could say the human soul is equal.

Or that you should be equal under the eyes of the law. Yeah, but no, they're not equal. Yeah, you could take the human soul is equal. Or that you should be equal under the eyes of the law. Yeah, but no, they're not equal. Yeah, you could take all the steroids you want. You'd never be able to do what Michael Jordan did naturally. No, and you can't practice being 6'10". Yeah. That's also a weird thing, isn't it? Where people talk about performance-enhancing drugs should be illegal.

They definitely should. But if they are, that means the super athletes are always going to have an advantage, just a natural, undeniable advantage in speed and power and the ability to move. Well, racial differences make a difference. What are you, Jimmy the Greek over here? No, they do. But I mean, physically, it's incredible. There has not been a white cornerback in the NFL that I remember in the last 20, 25 years. What position? That's discrimination. That's why.

No, they're quicker. They're quicker. No, they're trying to keep the white man down. Yeah, right. Dom, you know, you come on this podcast and you start spreading black propaganda. It's the same thing every time you're here. I hate all minorities joe even white people yes when white people become minority maybe everybody relax

yeah also minority talk no i don't it's funny the thing you say about race because on a serious level these guys can't say anything no like that's what's so funny about barkley because he's black he can say stuff right he says that i know you can't say it but i'm gonna say it whatever it is you know yeah there's a lot of fucking like things that they used to say like on a regular basis now they can't even say so they've had to adjust over the last just a few years yeah oh well everything's so politically correct now and now sam that guy sam got picked up by the Cowboys, the guy who came out and said he was gay. So now he's with a team.

Well, I heard that he was, according to Jamie, that the reason why they picked him up is that the Cowboys, the guy who owns the Cowboys, is into publicity. Oh, yeah. Totally. You think so? That's exactly it. Yeah, he's a money-making machine, this guy.

The Cowboys have been a 500 team for the last 10 years, probably. They haven't won a Super Bowl in 20 years. And they're the most valuable franchise in America. That's incredible. Yeah. That's hard to believe. That doesn't even make any sense. They're worth, I think, $3.2 billion.

How come they don't have to win? They don't have to win because of publicity. First of all, they're called America's Team. Do you know who named them that? The owner? Themselves, yeah, the owner. It's a guy named Tex Graham. But America's Team, they got the star and the glitter and the fucking beauty.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Is it Dallas Cowboys and the dude's name is Tex? Yeah. His name was Tex Graham. He wins. Yeah, but I mean, he's dead now, but he was the one that created that image. Whatever happened in that show you used to do for Comedy Central? That was a funny show.

You used to do, like, a show with football players. Yeah, it was called Offsides. Well, what happened to it was the timing was bad. You know, if Comedy Central was as big as they are now, they could have afforded more. But NFL Films was so fucking expensive that they just had to lift it. We had good ratings, but it just wasn't, you know, their footage cost so much for us to get. And I had so much fun with the players because they knew I wasn't a journalist.

So they were like, I get, you know, Brett Favre. Okay, so Reggie White was their star of their team. And he said, he recognized me. He goes, man, I saw you on Oprah. And I said, I can't picture you sitting there with a Kleenex box going, I can't believe these two sisters never met before they were 21. Why is it Oprah? So Reggie wanted to do a thing with me.

He liked doing impressions. So Favre was, you know was the second biggest star on the team. And he comes up to me and goes, what are you doing? I said, we're doing a football show for Comedy Central. You want to do it? He says, well, what do I got to do? I said, just fuck around. I'm not a journalist. We'll just have fun. So I could see he had

some trepidations about it. I thought I was going to maybe lay into him. I said to him, I'm fucking this girl in the ass, right? I mean, I'm holding her down. I'm fucking banging her. No rubber, no nothing. I ain't no, I'm fucking this girl in the ass, right? I mean, I'm holding it down. I'm fucking banging it. No rubber, no nothing. I ain't no pussy. And he starts laughing.

He goes, are you allowed to say this? I go, we're not on satellite, man. I'm just trying to make you laugh. And then he got loose, and then we had a great interview. When you did that, was the NFL in the same position it's at now? Was it just as popular? Still, the NFL's never dwindled, right? No, it's gotten bigger and bigger.

But it's really- It was the big- Football is by far the most- I mean, I don't know about NASCAR, but of the regular athletic sports, football is so fucking big. High school football, college football. Yeah. I think NASCAR is the biggest spectator sport, right? Isn't it?

I think that's what I've heard. Don't they have places where they have 200,000 people or something absurd? Well, you know what happens? Yeah, there's that. But you know what also happens? Is that when you go down south, everybody knows about NASCAR. Yeah. I was on the radio once in Atlanta, and they just started talking to me about this.

Kyle Waldrop and Neil Degra and this guy. They did bringing up all these names I never even heard of. This guy won the Talladega. I literally go, so what are you talking about? They're like, we're talking about NASCAR. You don't follow NASCAR? This guy does not follow NASCAR? It was so alien to them that I didn't know who any of those guys were.

I heard about Dale Earnhardt. What about Dale Earnhardt what about dale earnhardt is he still doing it you know like you hear like certain names like will escape from that world and i mean i only know tony stewart because he was the guy that accidentally apparently killed that driver that got out of the car you see that yeah that was fucked that was crazy what the fuck was he thinking the driver got well t, Tony Stewart apparently clipped him with his car and spun him out, and he was only 20. He was a hot-headed 20-year-old.

Yeah, but getting out of that, you know, geez. Amazing that Tony Stewart's going to race again. He did. That's nuts. He raced again on, he came in like 41st. He came in. Probably checking it real slow, huh? Yeah.

You can't be a dick after you run somebody over. Imagine if he just fucking balls the wall, clipping everybody now. Fuck you. Or what if he's just a very safe driver now? He's like giving proper turn singles. He's like, I'm going. Turn singles in a racetrack. Is that a normal position for him to be in?

40th place? No, no. He's usually up there at the top. I mean, I don't know that much about it. So I bet he did try to take it slow, probably. It's probably a real mindfuck, man. I couldn't imagine. It's like Boom Boom Mancini after he killed Dooku Kim.

You know, the guy shouldn't have been fighting. But Raymond was never the same after that. No. No, he wasn't. It's one of those things, man. It's hard for guys. It's hard to... Also, for a boxer, you're dealing with your own mortality, too. Oh, yeah Also You know For a boxer You're dealing with Your own mortality too

Oh yeah You know That's That's the fight That changed fighting From 15 rounds to 12 Did it Yeah

He died in the 13th I believe You know He had bleeding on his brain Before he got in the ring How do they know that That's what I read I don't know

They said They had Whatever He shouldn't have been fighting The guy You know How do they know that? That's what I read. I don't know. They said that they had whatever. He shouldn't have been fighting. Hmm. The guy, you know. Well, I know that he was cutting weight. And that was also, I think, back when they would weigh in the day of the fight.

But now they know more about weight cutting. Because Mancini was a lightweight. So that was 135 pounds. And I think that fight took place as a lightweight fight, I believe. He fought Livingstone Bramble. He fought a lot of great fighters. Alexis Arguello. He came to see me at the improv one night.

And we went out to talk. And his wife and his kid were watching a show. And some guy comes up to us and he goes, Boom Boom Mancini. He goes, can I ask you something? Will you hit me? And I said to the guy i said look uh you know i said he can't hit you you know raymond's a really nice guy do you ever meet him um said hi to him really really down there with him you know youngstown ohio like real cool guy and did it all for his father great Great story. And I said, look, man, he can't hit you.

You know, like Raymond's like, and they said, well, can I hit you then? Oh, God. To Raymond. I said, no, you can't fucking hit him. What are you, crazy? Can I hit you? He said, I always wanted to see what like a professional punch felt like. Oh, God. Like the fucking, I like to give him an amateur punch.

Well, not only that, dummy. The guy's got to wrap his fucking hands and then put gloves on, then punch you, or else you could break his hand. Of course. With the force that they hit? Yeah, you could easily break your hand on someone's forehead. He's lucky he didn't say that to Vinnie Curto. Vinnie would have probably punched him.

Oh, God, Joe. I did a great thing with Vinnie one time. Did I ever tell you this? What? I don't know. Tell it to me first. I brought him up. Okay.

We had a crazy fucking nut cocaine head that lived upstairs and they would fuck. Oh, you did tell me this. Yeah. They would fuck and then you hear the shower

and it's like five in the morning and I stayed up late but after a while, I just said to him, can you turn the music down just a little? That's all. Nice, you know.

Next day, Kim's window was broken in her car i knew he fucking did it so i go get vinnie and vinnie looked like a fucking you know incredibly fucking gorilla just caveman 100 and i i get i get a kick out of him and i like the guy personally but he did me a favor he come we go up and it was like good guy bad guy thing and he kid opened the door and the kid goes what and i go hey man i just want to ask and he sees vinny and then he changed completely and he goes uh you know uh my i just wanted to tell you that there was somebody who broke a window and as your neighbor i want to warn you that there's somebody around here so just look

out for yourself and i'm totally not really mean. Right, right, right. And Vinny goes, this is my fucking cousin. He goes, I love him like a brother. He goes, when anybody does fucks with Dom, I get these fucking headaches. I don't even know what I'm doing. And the guy goes, no, no, man, I certainly didn't do it. I go, who the fuck accused you of doing it?

Why would you say that? And he goes, Vinny said, i sleep on his couch in the afternoon make sure there's no fucking noise i'll go fucking great and that was it you know and that stopped the noise stopped everything yeah stopped everything then he'd see him at the gym he'd see vinnie pressing 500 pounds at the gym hey how you doing how's your cousin that's the problem with living in apartments yeah i had a guy that lived below me that asked me not i had a pool table in my living room i bought this pool table and i rented this apartment specifically because it had a place for the pool table this is the place that i lived in uh when i

when i had to stay in la the first place i moved in north hollywood he signed the lease yeah i signed the lease and that's what made me uh stay and that's the reason why i got all everything news radio everything but i i got this it was a it was a loft and it had this big living room and i was like i could definitely i measured it out i could definitely get a pool table in here i'll take it i tell the guy this the fucking landlord shows it to me i'm looking for a place to pool table he was below me so landlord yo yeah that was the not the, but the superintendent or whatever it is. The guy who showed me the place. It wasn't the actual landlord.

What are they called? Superintendents? Yeah. So he's this gay guy. He's a really flamboyant gay guy with his boyfriend. After I put the pool table in, he knocks on the door and he goes, we're having an issue with you walking around. I go, you're having an issue with me walking? i go you're having an issue with me walking just walking he goes well the floor creaks i hear you walking what are you

supposed to do i go okay well what do you want me to do and he goes well between the hours of 5 p.m and 10 p.m could you just not not do that i go so you're asking me not to walk in the living room i'm not even doing anything i'm just walking and he goes he goes oh so i see how the game we're gonna play here i go the game we're gonna play i go you what you're telling me is the structural integrity of the apartment that you rented me is not good enough for me to actually be walking just walking in the living room between a five hour window every night when you get home to when you go to bed. That's what you want. He goes, yeah. I go, what the fuck is this?

That's just crazy. You can't say don't walk. I go, what if I just walk around my pool table? If I don't play. I just walk in the living room. Like, if I have people over and they want to walk around, look out the window. You just have to roll or scoot. How about I put a webcam over? You can tell when I'm walking and when I'm just, when I'm playing pool so you can't get mad at me.

Fucking apartments, man. How did you settle? Kept playing pool. Fuck him. Yeah, I had a guy wouldn't let me do the treadmill. I told him, I said, I'll do it any time that you're not there. Just to compromise anything. I moved it for him.

You're killing me. You're killing my wife. I said, who the fuck invite you in this country? Go back to wherever the fuck you came from. Oh, Dom,

I can't believe you took it there. Oh, yeah, well, I hated the guy. Why'd you have to go to the immigrant place? Oh, yeah. Who brought you to this country? Get the fuck back.

Who made you gay? Well, this guy, when he said that to me, like, oh, I see the game we're playing. I was like, okay, there's no negotiating with you. You're a ridiculous person. I probably thought about it. I probably didn't play as much. Yeah, but it takes the fun out of it. Then you got to worry about some fucking nut downstairs.

It wasn't. The crazy thing was, it wasn't loud. It wasn't like I moved around, I heard, I didn't hear anything while I was walking. I didn't hear shit. I've been in that situation where you hear every single footstep, and they had to end up putting carpet just to fix it. Well, I had a carpet already.

It was already carpeted. It was just a shitty building, because the lady next door to me, super nice lady, but she would be on her phone, and don't hear every fucking word she said. Like I was listening. It was like there's no insulation in California. The difference between apartments on the East Coast and apartments on the West Coast is those fiberglass insulation or the stuff they pump into the walls to retain heat. They don't need that out here.

So you got wallboard, stud, wall board. You basically got a fucking notebook between you and some person who's talking like some pretty intimate shit. Every time she would get a phone call, I would hear her voice, her answering machine go on, and I would hear friends leave her messages.

That's not good. That was ridiculous. I always think about that if I'm watching porn and they hear it next door. Turn it up really loud. Only when the guy comes. I stopped caring. There was just too many times where I'm just masturbating in my office.

We look over, notice my window's open. There's two people fencing in my backyard. I'm like, oh, you guys know. Fencing? Yeah, they just fence all day. Who fences? In your neighborhood now? My neighbors dress up as pirates and goth people and fence.

Fucking Burbank, man. Fucking white people in Burbank, they're fencing in your backyard. They make their own costumes, though. It's pretty badass, but... They do? Yeah. I mean, very glamorous, like they're kings and stuff, but pirates. What?

I don't know. So do they do, like, a part of a festival or something? I think they must work at Universal or something. Oh, so they're practicing their trade. Maybe. But they also have those sewing things on, or those things where you sew on in their windows. Like when you walk by,

they just look like people are just standing there. Oh, like mannequins? Yeah. Those mannequins you make dress ones? Yeah, yeah. That's,'s wow i guess they make a lot of clothes yeah it's the economical way if you're gonna play dress up make your own shit it's probably more satisfying it's probably when we're talking about eating your the food that you kill extra satisfying when you're out there at fucking comic con with an outfit that you created yourself we were in sacramento this past week and i did uh the punchline and I did the Punchline.

You ever do the Punchline, Sacramento? A long time ago. Oh, what a great fucking club. I love it. Perfect club. Perfect size. Bar in the back. Low ceiling.

Tight seated. We had so much fun there. But while we were in town, it was there for the UFC, and there was some sort of an anime convention. Like some sort of a dress-up. Dork fest. It was hilarious.

What's that? Lair. What is that? The convention? What's Lair? What? Is that the thing that I was watching in Sacramento? How do you know? Are you just making shit up? That's not what they were doing. You're wrong 100%

They were dressing like Anime characters You fuck He's just That's what Jamie's into He's like Hey pay attention What I'm into

How about this? How about Renaissance Faire? We're not talking about Renaissance Faire Jamie Lair This must be it Get the fuck out of here There's a hundred

Million of those things I love it though It's cool because Dorks get an opportunity They get an opportunity To hang out with other dorks get outside get a little vitamin d any of these things well this is an anime thing because people were dressed up like superheroes and some people were dressed up like furries there was like a lot of weirdness going on that came out of japan right furries no the anime yeah yeah. Anime is just pretty much Japan animation in their style. You ever perform in Japan, Dom?

Your people? No. He's an Eskimo. It's not funny. It's sad. You knew me when my eyes were open. I knew you back in the day. I got a picture of Joey Diaz that I'm going to put on Instagram later today.

I got his headshot that I found in my office that I used to have on the wall. He was like 210, 220 pounds. It's crazy. Can't believe it's the same guy. What's he weigh now? It depends on how high he is when you ask him. Listen, dog. He used to go on stage and he would talk on stage.

He goes, listen, dog. I'm 45 years old. I got no time listen, dog, I'm 45 years old. I got no time for this bullshit. I'm 50 years old. I got no time. In the same set, he would give you three or four different ages. Remember, went through the fat blob? He's like, don't talk about it.

It's just my little thing. It's just a little fat ball. Yeah, yeah, a thing that he had to get removed from his shoulders. It was like another head. It was weird. He told me he just had a nail brush. I love that guy. I fucking love that guy. I fucking love that guy.

I love him to death. He's so much fun. There's no more fun guy to be around. Like, when you bring him to shows, like, everybody's funnier. The show's funnier. The comics on the show are funnier. You're funnier backstage. Everybody's funnier.

I love him, too. He's the best. I worked at the Ice House with him. We co-headlined a couple times. What a blast. So much fun. I told you what he said to me, right? What? I said, me, right? What?

I said, Joe, I don't care who goes on first or second, whatever you want. He goes, Don Marrera, tell you what. Why don't you close the first shows and I'll close the second so you don't have to follow a fucking pig like me? And then you can do it at a laugh factory if you want. I said, Joe, you're not only doing me a favor, you're getting me spots at other clubs. He's a great dude. He is. His podcast is doing fantastic, too.

And that's one of the things I really love about the internet, that a guy like Joey could be Joey. No one would ever understand him unless you saw him in the uncensored form like on this podcast. He'd never understand or his podcast. He kept dosing that kid, his engineer. He still does that. Who? He still does that. You give him mushrooms the other day. He kept dosing that kid, his engineer. He still does that. Who? He still does that. You give him mushrooms the other day.

He gives him stuff he doesn't tell him. Who? Joey. What kid? The Flying Jew. Who? His little friend

that always hangs out. Oh, what is his name? Lee. Lee, yeah. He doses him? Yeah, he keeps dosing him like fucking, like roofing him.

Why is he not fucking him? I don't have a problem with that. If you're around Joey, you know not to eat any of his shit. He dosed Bert Kreischer's dad. I know. He gave Bert Kreischer's dad edible weed. It's crazy.

And Bert's like, what are you doing? And he's like, his dad is like, oh, I'm just eating some candy that Joey gave him. He goes, that's not candy. I mean, it's candy, but it's not just candy. Forget about it. Don't worry about Joey. Listen, cocksucker, your dad's got to live. Got to live.

Yeah, he's... Tom Segura has a fucking hilarious story about the same thing that I said about getting high with Joey on the plane. Where he's just throwing down these Chiba Juice. That Joey, in the middle of a panic attack, like ate another Chiba Juice. He doesn't give a fuck, man. He goes deep. He's one of the funniest people I know. He's back at the comedy store.

Yeah. He said that it's been a good challenge that he forgot how that room was, you know, when you're on stage. Well, they don't know you're there. They don't know you're coming. They're there for Joey. Yeah. Yeah. It's a different kind of a groove. You know gotta develop material that like you set it up differently you gotta

introduce it differently because they're not expecting you to be like this raucous crazy you know giant cuban guy who's done a ton of coke in his life you know i mean they don't know what to what what he's doing they just see a guy stage and then they have to slowly but surely be introduced to his ideas. What's going on there where they're trying to stop people from smoking weed?

We're at the comedy store? Is that true? There's a rumor that might be true. How can you stop people from smoking weed? But not the management. Where are you going to stop them?

They could just go high in the back. That sounds like the dumbest idea ever. That's like telling football players to stop doing steroids. Yeah. That's like telling football players to stop doing steroids. Yeah. That's so stupid.

Yeah. Ridiculous. The comedy star? What are you going to do? Stop him from drinking too? Well, it's just one person that wants to do it. I mean, that's ridiculous. Does he have power?

That one person? No. I doubt it. Who is it? I have no idea. His name rhymes with Pauly Shore. That's what I heard. I don't know.

I don't go there anymore. I'm just talking out of my ass. You're not going to go now? I don't care. No, I don't think so. I can't. I talked to Scotty. Scotty Shore is my buddy.

I talked to him when I was down in San Diego. I was like, just say, I have just too much of a bad feeling about that place. I love when you come in for breaking balls. I love doing your show. Your show, The Laugh Factory, doesn't have any negative feeling to me. Especially now. Now it seems like there's a whole new crew there.

It's kind of a different sort of a vibe there. But if you go to the comedy store, especially everyone that you've met through Desk, like Justin Martindale, Tony, Jeremiah, they're just everywhere now. It's all positive. It's like a huge family. And when somebody

from the outside comes in, it's like a whole family looking at that person. Yeah, but that person that comes in doesn't want you smoking weed and I'm going to smoke weed if I go to the comedy store.

Well, we all do it. What if you get banned from smoking weed? I have a license. No, you can't just say I have a license. You can smoke at the left. I can smoke at your house.

Well, you know... You can? Well, upstairs when it's say I have a license. You can smoke at the left. I can smoke at your house. Well, you know. You can? Well, upstairs when it's private, just the acts. Really? He lets you smoke inside, upstairs? Oh, he doesn't. I just love blowing it down on all those people. Get the show better.

There's glass now in between, so they don't hear you. Yeah, that's a great thing. The way he's got it set up up there. That's a sweet thing. Other than when they're in between shows, like Friday and Saturday with the two shows, it's basically a club for the acts. We can relax up there. Well, I don't mind going there.

I like the laugh factor when I do it with you. It's got a good vibe. Oh, I love it. I love it. Especially with you. Thanks. I always have fun with the interview. Yeah.

If you've ever seen Breaking Balls with Don Marrera, he does a show, he fucks around with the audience, does material, then brings up a comic, and then fucks around with the comic in between, and then brings up the next comic. Really? Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. It's fun.

Because, you know, Don, you're at your best. Well, I wouldn't say you're at your best. You're always funny on stage, but I love the particular type of funny when you're just fucking around. That's what I like, too. Yeah, like when we did the Kill Tony show at the Ice House. Yeah, we were crying. Oh, it was so fun.

It was so fun. That was really, really, really fun. And for those comics, to get a guy like you fucking with them and talking about their material. I mean, a lot of those guys, that was the first time they ever went on stage that's amazing imagine that the first time you ever go on stage and you get a guy who's been doing comedy forever has been on hbo a legend in comedy and he's critiquing your act that's that's he's busting your balls that's as good as you could ever hope for i mean that's a beautiful moment the idea of kill tony is a great idea that should be a comedy central show you should totally sell that shit it is a great idea it's a great idea that should be a comedy central show you should totally sell that shit it's a great idea comics do a minute you know yeah it's and it's especially fun we did it at

the ice house because the ice house has such a good feeling to it well that room is perfect yeah there's two rooms good just like the belly room yeah about the same size amount of seats right belly rooms like 100 seats 90 seats so is that room with the the ice house has an annex they have a big room which is not a big room anyway the big room is only like 190 180 190 something like that and then they have the smaller room which is only about 80 or 90 and it's fucking amazing yeah i like the main room i think that's my favorite room because that's barely ever used. And it used to be such a famous room. Well, I started there. They used to sell three Saturday night shows out.

But the main room, late at night, when there's only like 10 people in the room, it's fucking sad. No, no, unless it's like Brody Stevens or something like that. Sometimes. I prefer those where it's just him. I was in the main room once back in the Joey Diaz days. Joey Diaz had Jeff, you know Jeff the Piano Man? Mm-hmm.

He had Jeff play Ozzy Osbourne. And he got on stage and took his shirt off. And he's singing War Pigs. He's singing it. Joey Diaz is singing it on stage. And it was fucking one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. Because he's completely committed

to it. He had no shirt on. And the audience is maybe there was four audience members. And the rest of the audience was all comics. We were all just hanging out. And Joey Diaz is on stage and they're fucking with the lights. No. It wasn't Jeff.

It was the other guy who did the main room. Mike? Fuck. Is that his name? Mike, the guy with the glasses? Yeah. Yes, great dude who was in a band. No, the guy, he didn't have glasses.

He was in a band. You remember that guy? He's like, what's up, dude? Hey, dude. Yeah, he's still there. What's his name? Shit. Do you know who I'm talking about?

I think I got the wrong guy. I was talking about Mike, who was the manager who played piano. No, no, no, no. I know who I'm talking about? I think I got the wrong guy I was talking about Mike Who was the manager Who played pianos No, no, no, no I know who you're talking about The guy who handled the sound And the shit

No, it's not Jeff Danny? Danny Danny So Danny's playing War Pigs You know And Joey Diaz is on stage

Screaming the lyrics to it Along with the sound That's coming over the loudspeaker, which is actually Ozzy, and they're doing the different colored lights like Joey's on stage. And I just sat back, and we were all barbecued. We were all completely baked out of our mind. I sat back and laughed, and we were all just clapping. It was such a pure performance.

That's great. Because he wasn't trying to impress anybody. There was no one there to see him. There was no audience. It was just us having fun. And like I said, maybe four people in the crowd. Maybe. Yeah.

That's some shit that only takes place at the Comedy Store. That's why I love it. It feels like you're just hanging out with your friends, getting wasted and having fun. And it's just playing around and you know doing silly shit and you would think because it's the comedy store that it would be packed all the time like it's got this you can't get a better location no you can't it's got this name you know like when i was a uh an open micer we'd heard about the comedy store it was like mecca it was like i had always wanted to be at the Comedy Store you know to me like getting becoming a paid

regular at the Comedy Store was more important than getting my first television show that's interesting yeah cuz it was it was that was the spot that was where Kinison came from that was a prior came from they all started at the Comedy Store so when I was there there and I would show up, the first time I was there, it wasn't even half full. I was there in the OR and some terrible act was on stage. Some fucking singing nothing. Some dog shit. And I remember going, this is the Comedy Store?

What the fuck is going on? I would expect it to be like when you see live on the Sunset Strip, like a liner on the block, the who's who of Hollywood's there, the greatest comics in the world are all going up. Nope. It was like that when I first went out. What year was that?

85. It was like that? What was it like? That was the Kennesan days, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, I first went there and I used to go on right before Sam at the end. Wow. Well, I first went there and I used to go on right before Sam at the end. Wow.

We became friends. A lot of laughs. A lot of fucking laughs. Did you ever do blow with him? What's that? Did you ever do blow with him? No. I thought you said, did you ever blow?

Did he ever offer it to you? No, he knew me. He knew I wasn't. See, the thing about Sam and I, we could be friends, but I'm not a follower. Right. And I don't want to be a leader either, but I'd just rather just hang. I would never be part of his entourage. Yeah, he had a whole cult of following, right?

Yeah, the outlaws. Yeah. But we had a lot of fun together. I mean, we had a lot of laughs. I was always glad when he was there. I passed the first time i i auditioned there and then she forgot me so then i then i i had to audition again you know wow but yeah it was fun day it was amazing you know because i remember roseanne couldn't get on in

the main room you know she couldn't get on she couldn't get a spot in the main room what year was this in 85 she couldn't i thought she was already't get a spot in the main room. What year was this? In 85 she couldn't? I thought she was already huge in 85. No, she was probably later than 85. Yeah, I always heard that right when she moved here, she got a show the same day. Yeah, I mean, she was giant. No, she didn't get it.

No? Look, I remember working in Vegas with her, and she couldn't get on. All she wanted was a spot in the first show main room. Wow. That was the money spot, because that's when we'd all make $400 or $500, which was a lot then, you know. Right, right, right. Being in town.

I started out at the Comedy Store in Hawaii. I had a very circuitous route. Comedy Store in Hawaii? I did the Hawaii one with Barry Sobel and Carrie Snow. Then I went to La Jolla.a did well there went to vegas and that went well and then i went then so i didn't really start doing the comedy store until i'd done like the tour wow that weird they had a westwood one too right yeah that was a little before my time westwood was on westwood avenue and the westwood one was where kinnison really

like started out that's where he really developed, apparently. I took a friend of mine who's a priest. It was the reason I went in to see the room, and Sam was on. And my friend's hair was back standing up. I said, it's not always like this. Especially back then. Nobody knew who Sam was, and nobody saw that coming. It was fucking incredible.

Incredible energy. Yeah. The comic store had fucking incredible. Incredible energy. Yeah, that, um, the comedy store had a whole, like, series of clubs and now they're down to two. How many were there? Like, and they were all

the same people owned them? Well, there was, uh... It's all Mitzi, yeah. Yeah. Well, not the same people, the same one person. Right. Yeah.

Mitzi used to make a lot of money in Vegas, man. Yeah. Why don't they have, well, obviously now it's a mess, but who would think the comedy store in Vegas would be. Yeah. Why don't they have, well, obviously now it's a mess, but I would think the Comedy Store in Vegas would be a no-brainer. Yeah.

What happened to the original one? They should have. They raised it because Bellagio bought it out. That's where the Bellagio is now. Hmm. I would think that that would be a no-brainer for a franchise. I mean, improvs are all over the country. It's amazing that the Comedy Store never franchised like that.

Yeah, the improv really knew how to franchise. And Jamie's doing it too. Yeah. With Chicago. And Vegas, right? You were just in the Laugh Factory event. I would take you to Chicago with me. I'm going there in October.

Buddy, I give you $2 to do a full weekend, but you'll be at Laugh Factory. It's a lot of money for Laugh Factory. They really offer you shit money? Allegedly. We're on the air. Allegedly, we're on the air. Allegedly, he got a bad deal. Allegedly.

Oh, no. No, they fixed it. I have no tact. Nope. That's what makes you funny. If you had tact, you'd get in the way Of a lot of good jokes Thank you Joseph

You would right Yeah Tact would fucking How much did he offer you Hey Easy Dominic What What did we do over here

We just got done Smoothing out your mess Now you got a new mess I didn't know herpes Could move to the butt I think You were talking about earlier That

Herpes I think that Shut the fuck up. I think that Mitzi had an issue with the idea of franchising because they had to be Comedy Store comics. And if you'd franchise at a certain point in time, you'd thin it down. Yeah, you're going to need more.

Well, you need 365 days a year. She would have a seven-night-a-week show. At 365 days a year of good comics, and you're flying them out to Louisville, Kentucky, good luck. No one's going to do a week. No. I mean, there's Vegas clubs.

They used to do that at the Riv, right? You would do Monday through Sunday. You'd do the whole week. Yeah. Yeah. You'd have to stay for seven days. I would get calls from buddies. Yeah, they didn't make me do that.

I did Thursday through Sunday. I just did Friday and Saturday. I did the late night shows because I couldn't do the regular show at the Riv. I could only do the extreme show. Extreme. The warning. Extreme. You and Slayton. Yeah. Thank God. I couldn't do it. I can't do Vegas

for more than a couple days. I love Vegas for a couple of days. It was killing me. How many days did you do this past one? Four. But I went in early and I came back late. So Wednesday through Monday or something like that? Yeah, because I didn't want to fly in the heat. Right.

I can't fucking take that 110 degrees. I'm a very delicate artist. What's your favorite place to work in Vegas? Oh, God, see, that's a bad question. It's a bad question? Why? Because you just work for Jamie? You don't want to tell the truth?

Well, you know what was fun? Tacked. I'll tell you what was fun. It was a fucking great job. I opened for Cher for years in the early 90s. We did the Mirage. The Mirage was great. They used to call me Easy Money because I would be at the sports book,

and this is when I could still fucking jump. I'd hop over the fucking rail just a minute to eight because everything starts on time there. Boom, I'd fucking slide across the stage, do 25 minutes, and I'd go in the back and the crew would be fucking with me. They'd have a chair and a towel and water. You okay, Easy Money? I'm all right, guys.

I almost did 26 tonight. I went crazy. That was a fun game. You say hop over the sports book. Were you betting? Yeah. So you'd gamble up until the moment you're supposed to go on stage, and then you'd run in?

I wasn't a big gambler, but yeah, I bet on games and stuff. I like to watch it. I like it to stretch out. I don't want to put everything on black and then leave a fucking loser. Well, especially if you're a sports fan it makes the game more exciting right oh yeah well it makes everything i mean that's what i love about betting football like like with pro football starting tomorrow night i fucking love it i love the over under you know what the over under is yeah i love that because especially if you're

rooting for the over because you're rooting for everybody it's all positive like the under is all negative don't drop that drop that piss get that motherfucker you know it's like but the over is fun yeah positive betting is better than negative betting yeah there's a cheer sometimes in vegas if you watch a boxing match they'll have an over under on how many rounds a lot of people bet that and then it'll hit the fifth round everybody goes yeah like there's a roar in the crowd yeah like and I think it was Larry Merchant that actually brought it up once during a broadcast. Yeah. The reason why these people are cheering is because they gambled on it. Yeah, there's a lot of proposition bets like that. You could bet a bunch of fights, parlay, put them all together.

If you get them all right, you get some insane amount of money. Aubrey is a big gambler. He always gambles in vegas he's never hit that shit yet he's gotten close though it's always one shit judge's decision fucks you up i can't get into it gambling on fights gambling on anything why not even slot machines and all that stuff it's just for fun it's not really like i'm addicted to it or cards nothing nothing betting. It's probably good. Yeah. It's probably good that you don't do that. Yeah, I just don't like it. Oh, shit.

It just hit me. I realized my favorite club to work in Vegas, Brad Garrett's club, because I'm working there in October. I can't believe it just hit me. It used to be my favorite club was the Tropicana, but now it's Brad Garrett's. I can't. I just had a memory loss there for a second. For real?

A real memory loss? You always talk about Brad Garrett's. I was waiting for you to bring it up. I just had a memory loss there for a second. For real? A real memory loss? You always talk about Brad Garrett. I was waiting for you to bring it up. I was wondering why. I thought you were out of reverence to Jamie. Well, it gets... Buddy. My club is...

Brad knows I work for Jamie. Badder. Buddy. Buddy. My club is badder. You got to see his club with these fucking chicks. They're so hot. Which one?

Brad Garrett? Oh, my God. Why don't you book a weekend when I'm there for a UFC? I would love to. Brad Garrett's at MGM, right? How often? Yeah book a weekend when I'm there for a UFC? I would love to. Brad Garrett's at MGM, right? How often? Yeah, downstairs at MGM. It looks nice.

I've passed by it. I've never performed there. We did that once. Remember, we had a couple times I was there for your fights. Yes, but I never got to see you at Brad Garrett's, though. There's a bunch of UFCs coming up. We'll look at the dates. How often do you go to Vegas?

How often do you do it? Three or four times a year. What about January? You got anything booked in January? Not yet. The weekend of January 2nd. That's the weekend the UFC is going to be in Vegas. Really?

A lot of great fights, too. Oh, I think I could do that. Let's do it, Dom! Let's do it. You can come during the day. You can see the fights start at 4. Oh, boy. So you could watch the fights from, like, what's the first show at 8?

There's only one show. What time is it? I don't know. If you can get them to do it at like, what's the first show at 8? There's only one show. What time is it? I don't know. If you get them to do it at 10. That's the shit. Dumb. Get them to do it at 10. You can see all the fisticuffs.

Then get over there with ample time. And then eat mushrooms at 11. What is it? It's at the MGM? Sometimes. Sometimes at Mandalay Bay. Sometimes MGM. Those are the only two places.

I was at the Palm one time. Yeah, they used to do it at the Palm. They don't do it at Mandalay Bay. Sometimes MGM. Those are the only two places. I was at the Palm one time. Yeah, they used to do it at the Palm. They don't do it at the Palm anymore. Dana White, he gambles too much. He broke them. Really? He smashed the Palm. Yeah.

Did he really? Yeah, he smashed them. They banned them. When they banned them, he pulled the UFC out, and they started doing the smaller events at the Hard Rock. Wait, he was winning? Oh, yeah. Wow.

He wins big money he loses big money but he gambles big money he gets crazy like a million dollars a night oh my god yeah i don't get it i don't know how you could do that and like keep a pulse and not fucking scares me sweat all your blood out it seems like it just seems like i would if i lost a million dollars in a night i would totally quit but he's won like five or six million in a night. Because it's not really gambling. You know what gambling is? If you have a guy who's about equal to you in pool and you play pool, that's gambling.

Right. But you're not, you know, these fucking casinos wouldn't have crystal chandeliers if people were really gambling. The odds are set against them. They definitely are set against you, but if you're good at certain games, like blackjack. Yeah, there's more of a level field. I mean, certain things are fucking ridiculous. Slot machines. That's ridiculous.

Yeah. Plus, they're rigged. It's not even like it's a machine. They set them. They can set them to be easier or harder. They can decide whether or not you're going to win or lose. They can set it so one person wins a month. I like video poker.

Do you? Yeah, because you sit there, you get the drinks. You don't annoy anybody. Like blackjack, it's always like, get your hands off the table, sir. Not only that, if you bet crazy, people get pissed at you. I've heard people say that. Like if you're playing blackjack at a bad table

and someone doesn't know what they're doing, they fuck up the hands. Yeah, yeah. How could they fuck? I mean, I see what they're doing, they fuck up the hand. Yeah, yeah. How could they fuck? I mean, I see what they're saying, but that's a weird way of looking at it. That they fuck up your hand. Like, what kind of a whack-ass game are you playing where someone else making shitty decisions affects you? They affect the card count.

Yeah. They make the, you know, whatever. And craps, too. I don't even understand that fucking game. That game's ridiculous. You've got to know too much. Yeah, Richard Jenney used to have a bit about craps. It's a fucking funny bit, too. I don't even understand that fucking game. That game's ridiculous. You've got to know too much. Yeah, Richard Jenney used to have a bit about Craps. It's a fucking funny bit, too.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. About how he doesn't like certain games because he likes games where nobody knows what the fuck is going on. This whole thing about Craps. It's a funny bit, man. He did that bit on the Sin Night show, I think. I never saw that. I used to love his ref bit.

Let's see if we can find it. See if you can find Richard Jenny on craps, and we'll end with this out of respect for our late friend, Mr. Jenny. He's a guy we've talked about 100 times on the podcast that he doesn't get enough respect. Fucking great stand-up. Oh, yeah, man. on the podcast that uh he doesn't get enough respect fucking great stand-up oh yeah man when he was when he was the best when he like in the late 80s ish somewhere around there like 88 89 he was one of the best one of the best in the country just did but didn't get that sort of like

the same respect like you know what it was i think i think rich is brilliant i don't think he had the charisma that's max they're not as good as him or get bigger than him because of, you know. Is this it, Brian? No. No, no. Richard Jenney,

craps on craps. Just, no, but on craps. That's what I searched for. But this might be it because this came up as the second. Okay, let's give it a shot.

Six through the tenth, please welcome Richard Jenney! Worst dresser, huh? No, he dressed like a guy who was on a boat. You're in a good mood, yeah? Me too. I'm always in a good mood around the holidays.

I had a great Thanksgiving, boy. I was so thankful. Are you thankful on Thanksgiving? Yeah, look at that turkey And I'm thinking Hey life is tough And you have problems But

Nobody ever cut the hole In your ass And filled you with mushrooms You know what I'm saying? I didn't get away with that Jay Leno was edgy Who can mention problems Without bringing up that model

Of self-restraint President Bill Clinton What a guy Bill Clinton Gotta give him credit You gotta give the guy I can't get my girlfriend to smoke a cigar. That guy's good.

I guess the thing that annoys people is, you know, you kinda want the president to be a hero, and it turns out, you know, Clinton is just like every other stupid guy. He can't turn down oral sex. He can't. He can't. No guy can. Because it combines the two activities, no guy ever gets tired of.

One, sex. Two, not moving at all. The big two. They can't believe it's happening at the same time. They're sitting there with a remote and a sandwich going, this is the big two. I'm having sex. I'm not moving. I'm with a girl who can't talk. What's better than this? I don't know if this is the craps bit.

Hopefully it is, because we're going to run out of time here. If Clinton does get impeached, though, you know who I think should be president? Hear me out here. Jack Kevorkian. You know why he doesn't lie? This guy has nerve. He says he's taking himself to 60 minutes,

ending a guy's life so he can get arrested on purpose. And if he's convicted, he's going to starve himself in jail as a protest. Now that is courage. That's commitment. That's a guy standing up and saying, hey, I don't want to live. If it means I can't kill other people. That's nerve. That guy's got nerve. I mean, think about it. Think of, compare it, you know, Bill Clinton commits adultery. Lies and squirms and won't admit it to a single person. Jack Kevorkian commits first-degree murder

and broadcasts it on national television. He's not the type of guy who would say, I didn't inhale, I didn't do it. Not him. He'd be on the White House lawn having sex with an intern and doing bong hits out of the death machine. And that's the kind of guy...

See how much time is left in this if it's got that crap spit in there. ...we need, ladies and gentlemen. They give it a little bump. I know how it's gonna

make the segue. I'm happy if it's doing its job. A little more. See this? It was depressing how brave he was. Nope....pointed right at his crotch and he goes, if you say. Nope.

Nope. Anyway, isn't that weird, that sort of Tonight Show type comedy where you have like seven minutes, five minutes, you sort of rush into every bit. I hate writing those sets. Last time I did it was Jimmy Fallon, and I had fun because I liked Jimmy and the band. But they're so fucking contrived.

When he was doing his show or the tonight show? Yeah, his show. Yeah, it's hard. It's not real comedy. It's like the difference between a preview to a movie and the actual movie itself. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. I mean, there's no soul to it. Yeah, you can't. You can't get putting it i mean there's no soul to it yeah

you can't you can't get deep everybody knows it's only going to last five minutes yeah you have a few minutes and you just wrap it up that's over i've seen a couple guys i mean sciento was perfect for that well richard jenny was really good at it too because a real good joke writer at it he was richard was he flushed out bits so well that the tech away from that part of him. You know what I mean? Yeah. That was his number one thing that he was really good at. And I learned that from him, actually. I've talked about it before, about how to really get the most out of a bit.

Everything out of a subject. Yeah. What is it? Card table dating? Card table? No, I don't think that's it. On craps, playing craps. Maybe playing craps.

It was an old bit. So all those looked like they were too recent for it to be him. No worries. It's over, folks. Fucking podcast's over. Don Marrera, I love you to death. Love you too, Joe. Thanks for having me on, buddy.

Thanks. Anytime, my friend. And we'll do your show, Breaking Balls, at the Laugh Factory soon. And I'll put it up on... You gotta come and do my podcast again, Joe. Thanks for having me on, buddy. Thanks. Anytime, my friend. And we'll do your show, Breaking Balls, at the Laugh Factory soon. And I'll put it up on... You've got to come and do my podcast again, too. I would love it. Can you keep Jamie Massad out of the room again? I can keep him out of the room for you.

We did it one more time. One more time, keep him out of the room. Buddy, I love you, Joe. Why are you so mean to me, Joe? I love Jamie, too. He's a good guy. And he promises to pay Brian

more money than he how much did he offer you no it's great he's fine this podcast is brought to you by Ting go to rogan.ting.com enter in the code word

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