The Joe Rogan Experience - #545 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Date: September 4, 2014

Tony Hinchcliffe is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor. Tony also hosts his own podcasts called "Kill Tony" with Brian Redban, and it's available at http://Deathsquad.tv and on Spotify under "Deathsquad".

that's it tony hinchcliffe is here why fuck around tony and i will be at the ice house comedy club next weekend september 12th and 13th that's right freak bitches new material rolling out preparing the next hour huh what cue the music the joe rogan experience train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Good googly moogly, Tony Hinchcliffe. Yeah. A world tour we've been on, young man. Yeah, we've been everywhere.

We've traveled the globe. We've extended our reach. We've done sets throughout the lands. We've gone from the high of the Rocky Mountains all the way to a hockey rink in the middle of canada we did so much the past couple months yeah we did a hockey rink and we and brian callum did a goddamn hockey rink yeah in canada like what a stereotype way up there too man that's like two hours north of edmonton yeah yeah what was the name of that town again lloyd minster yeah lloyd minster nice folks great people oh yeah great people a lot of people

talking about how they drove three hours from the north and like five hours from the east yeah it was that's what happens when you do those middle of nowhere shows you get access to a bunch of people that ordinarily they just can't physically get to you in time right it takes too much time i talked to this one dude who drove 18 hours once to a show. Wow. That's a lot of goddamn responsibility when you're telling jokes to a guy who drove 18 hours. Yeah. I'm glad you told me after the show. If you told me before the show, I'd be like, fuck. I can't even do new shit now.

I've got to give this guy some... I've got to throw some heat. 18 fucking hours. 18's a long trip. That's a hell of a trip but yeah dude we've been everywhere man those uh those gigs up in canada were fucking badass we went from one place which is in the middle of nowhere which was a hockey rink to that theater in vancouver that was just fucking incredible yeah it was like the perfect contrast yeah like three or four thousand seat

crazy theater with big fancy chandeliers. It was like Game of Thrones. Yeah. And it was right to do it the right way too. We did the hockey rink first and then the nice theater second. If we did it the other way, it would be depressing. Yeah. Totally.

It's like, oh, it's over. Look at us. We're in a fucking hockey rink now. Yeah. Joan Rivers just died. Oh. Yeah. That's a rough one yeah so uh rest in peace

joan rivers that chick you know agree with her or not agree with her i mean a lot of people are mad at her about the her take on gaza and the whole israeli thing she's jewish and she's old you know she was but uh she was a real fucking comic. A real comic. Did you ever meet her? To the very end. No, I was supposed to do her show, man. I was supposed to do her show where I lie in bed with her.

Like, in bed with Joan. Right. Yeah. That would have been the first time I met her. She has like a podcast that she does from a bed. And, you know, people climb in bed with her

and you tell your jokes. You might still have a chance if you make it over there in the next couple of hours. You son of a bitch. I get excited on the too soon jokes. I always love that. I can't believe you did it. It's my favorite thing.

You actually knew her daughter pretty well, though. Nope. You met her? No, no, never met her. No, no, never met her. No, no, never met her. I might have said hi to her once at a place, maybe. I never talked to her, though. That's rough stuff, man.

But, you know, 81 years old. What a career. I mean, she was like Carson's favorite. Yeah, shouldn't she have some falling out with Carson? Yeah, because she took a gig going up against him from Fox. He was on NBC. She took the 1130. He built her.

She was his guest host, and he was really offended when she went against him competing in ratings. Yeah, I don't know, man. I just feel like, you know, I feel like that's unfortunate. But the whole paradigm of television, like having to watch things at the same time, like having an 8 o'clock show, you know, Mork and Mindy's competing with, you know, blah, blah, blah that's on at another time. Whenever you have that, you're going to have these sort of competitive type issues. It's going to be gross.

That's the beautiful thing about the internet you know like when it comes to like podcasts and shows nobody tries to like compete with anybody nobody tries to keep like guests from going to other podcasts no one does any of that yeah well when joan was competing with johnny i'm pretty sure there was just uh take these down so we just have a regular flat screen i'm pretty sure there was just like three or four channels at the time when those two were competing. So it's definitely a whole new age. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. There was nothing, man. You had like, you didn't even have Fox back then. You had ABC, CBS, and NBC. And that's it. Yeah. What a fucking monopoly, huh?

Oh, insane. They had America's mind and ears. Yeah. And in america if you wanted to find out or be entertained by something else you had to go find a book or make your own movie wow isn't that amazing yeah when you really think about it the numbers that they must have had like during the happy days like when happy days was a hit they must have had like 30 40 50 million people watching right it must be much more than they have today because the options today are so huge yeah I don't think they can get one person to watch as many

as much at one time as they could have it's amazing that you still have network television really if you really stop and think about it, because cable, they can kind of do so much more. Even if they don't swear, think about the shit they got away with on Breaking Bad. You could never do that on NBC, right? They would never let you. You could never have open drug selling and using and murder and all that crazy shit.

The way they do it? Yeah. Well, he tried. I do believe he pitched it to somebody i can't remember whether it was network or not but it definitely found its home where it landed amc right yeah yeah yeah and meanwhile nobody had watched anything on that network before there was no like one show that everybody tuned into on that network but some network did turn him down for that. Imagine being those executives like, oh, gosh. I wonder if that's true. I wonder if they did turn it down.

No, I know. I know for a fact. I can't remember which channel, but somebody turned down Breaking Bad originally. Vince Gilligan pitched it. I can't remember whether it was Network or Fox or FX or something, but somebody turned that down, Breaking Bad. What a dummy. Yeah.

Whoops. Big whoops. I'm watching the show The Strain. Have you seen that? That's the Benicio del Toro, not Benicio del Toro, Guillermo del Toro production. It's a book that he wrote with this guy Chuck Hogan. It's a vampire book. But it's super Chuck Hogan. It's a vampire book.

But it's super fucking gory. Like really fucking gory. And when I'm watching it like that, like along with Walking Dead, which is obviously really gory too. You could never have those on like NBC. They would have a shit fit. Right.

But you still have NBC. You still have CBS. You still have ABC. There's people that still want to watch those sitcoms like they still have a hold on a certain type of show like especially like network sitcoms like that's their shit those like those camera sitcoms where they have an audience you know well those are the channels now networks just the channel that like people put on and leave on and fall asleep and walk around the house with that on.

It's not really like... There's no real passion behind it. You mean like NBC? Yeah. Yeah. I wonder what they could do. Because it seems like there's just too many options. If you had a regular...

Imagine if you had ABC before the internet and you watched this thing come along. And then you watched all these cable companies come along. It like you owned abc in 1980 and you just you know chilling on a fucking yacht out there in the middle of the pacific smoking cigars saying we got it made this fucking business is locked down yeah and then all of a sudden this creepy thing called cable comes around this cable thing thing is never going to take off. They can swear? Why can they swear? Well, it's a thing called the FCC.

Right. Yeah, that's what people don't know. They can do whatever they want on cable. That's why Comedy Central has uncensored content late at night. If you tune into Comedy Central late at night, you'll hear all sorts of terrible language. They can do that shit. And by terrible, you mean awesome.

I mean terrible if you're a fucking square. Yeah. There's a lot of those out there, though, aren't there? That's the other thing with the networks and the sitcoms, a laugh track. Nothing drives me crazier than hearing, even if it's a live studio audience. It's just, I don't want to hear people laugh. Don't tell me when to laugh. Have you ever seen The Big Bang without the laugh track?

No. Yeah, there's videos online seen the big bang without the laugh track no yeah there's videos online the big bang without the laugh track and it's couldn't it's fucking confusing you're like okay well this makes more sense at least yeah you know when you listen to people not laughing you go okay well that's much more likely right but it also could be in their uh defense it could be like second and third takes. Like the second and third take, like audiences don't fucking laugh. I mean, they laugh a little, like ha ha. But sometimes you have to do a line like four or five times to get it right. Or there might be a camera issue or there might be a sound issue and they have to repeat a scene. So when you're doing a sitcom in front of a live audience, there oftentimes many takes like we used to fucking beat the audiences up oh it was awful

the poor people they would sit there in the crowd during the news radio days and if something wasn't working like they had to do it a couple times like there was times when an episode didn't go well where it got like three four takes in a row but when we would get like first take or second take like we'd always do a second take but we'd do first take and second take and they're like we got it be like oh we got it because those third takes were brutal because you knew the you were wearing on people's patience like the audience had to sit there and like oh my god okay we're gonna do it again folks And you hear the audience go, oh. Oh no.

Yeah, but in this video, it's more just horrible writing and horrible jokes. It's pretty bad. You want to play it? Sure. Yeah, I think we'll get pulled off of YouTube. But I think that's the theme lately. What's that show called again? The Big Bang. These people all just got a million bucks an episode.

Good for them. Good for them. I have no problem with that. I think it's amazing. But the show sucks. It's a fucking terrible show. They can't help but suck. They're trying to suck. They're trying to and I don't mean suck for some people.

See, that's the thing about suck. What sucks for you is what other people are looking for. And that's hard for people to recognize. Like everyone wants everyone else to have their own sensibilities. When I say that something sucks, someone else might come along and say, that's hard for people to recognize like everyone wants everyone else to have their own sensibilities when i say that something sucks someone else might come along and say that's my favorite shit like when i was bear hunting up in alaska i had a hangout or up in canada i had a hangout with all these people that love country music and they watched the country music channel the rivets the best folks ever the nicest people ever and they play this fucking country music shit all day and some

of it is just mind-numbing just it's so it's just so dumb and it's it's not just dumb it's like they're appealing to like the dumbest part of your brain like the part of your brain that wants everything to be a Norman Rockwell painting the part of your brain that wants everything to be a Norman Rockwell painting. The part of your brain that doesn't want subtlety or nuanced thinking. Or to introduce at all the concept that you're actually on a fucking planet flying through the universe. All those concepts are like, there's none of that. You know? Yeah.

And, well, when we were young and we were wild and we got married and had a child jesus is with us all the time fuck you i just got a text they want to make you the newest country star i could do it i could do it hey by the way how good was fucking dom herrera's music yesterday oh that was amazing dom her Herrera has good fucking music. Dom's doing music now? Dom Herrera wrote a good fucking song. And I'm not bullshitting. I'm going to get him to email me that shit.

Here's that video, by the way. I'm going to get him to email it to me while, because I don't think he has it online. Here we go. Oh, this is the Big Bang. Ah, nothing makes beer taste better than cool, clear Rocky Mountain spring water. Where are the Rocky Mountains, anyway? Philadelphia.

Really? I thought they were out west someplace. Think about it, Raj. Where did the movie Rocky take place? Philadelphia. Okay, now I get it. So, this is the plan? From now on, we're just going to hide out in here to avoid the shamey? I'm very

comfortable here. Penny, dear, why don't you shoot another silver bullet my way? Get one yourself. Ooh, somebody's been taking bitchy pills. This is bad for America. Stop this right here this is bad for america that's not just bad that's bad for the world that's bad for the country that's bad that's bad for everybody and that's all writing and somebody's thinking that's funny right that got through every script uh supervisor and meeting and pitch. Highlighters. That's the best of the

best. That's all the best ideas that they could come up with. I think if NBC and all these guys want to really survive, they're going to have to have like an NBC cable or an app where NBC can make programming that's more adult like they do on cable or that NBC is just going to become an app when that does happen, and cable and network is not going to mean the same thing. See, I think you're saying that, but I think the people that listen to some of that dopey-ass country music, those people don't have an issue with it. There's certain people that will tell you, Big Bang's my favorite show.

That's a good show. But majority isn't like that. I believe you're right that's why breaking bags and or hbl or showtime is getting better ratings than anyone they're not you're wrong you're wrong yeah you're wrong the numbers that watch breaking bad are not nearly the numbers that watch the big bang it's not even close really yeah it's not even in the ballpark it's true you can't just say shit like that dude you gotta know what you're talking about that's that's not even in the ballpark. It's true. You can't just say shit like that, dude. You got to know what you're talking about. That's not true. It is getting, they're getting great ratings.

They do well because they're awesome. They're awesome and people find them, but they're on cable. It's way more difficult to get someone to watch a show, say on AMC or a show on, you know, any one of those, the History Channel. It's very difficult. That's why when the Duck Dynasty show got insane ratings, they got some crazy number, like 9 million or 7 million people to watch. It was the highest rated cable show ever.

That's not even close to what those Big Bang kids get. That's like an 18 million people a week show. They win every week. Sometimes the second number two of the week is a rerun of that first show that they're number one on sometimes a big bang rerun can beat everything i wonder if what's going on is that they're trying to trick dumb people and they're thinking they're smart by watching a nerdy show they've made a nerdy show for dumb people like they've hijacked two markets yeah they've hijacked the people that want to be smart

and the want to be nerds. Yeah. And then they've also got the dumb people. They've got both markets. It's really a lot of dumb people. It's mostly dumb people. Yeah. Yeah.

Breaking Bad breaks more ratings records. Yeah, but I guarantee that's an old article because Breaking Bad's canceled. And the Duck Dynasty thing is post that, and the Duck Dynasty thing got the highest ratings ever. This is 2013, but yeah. Right, but what's the numbers? What's the numbers? It pulled 6.6 million viewers.

That's a fail. If that was happening with the Big Bang, they would be terrified. Yeah, it's crazy what they pulledrian trust me i know what i'm talking about i'm not just making this up i'm just saying that the the cable uh channels are getting great ratings for occasionally for for shows like breaking bad they do much better than they used to do right but they're still they pale in comparison to the major network shows for whatever reason those really dumb shows still get the best ratings like yeah like game of thrones is a different example because it's a

subscription channel and it's got far less people tune into it like it used to be if you got an hbo special that was the shit oh my god you know we saw the sam kinnison hbo special the chris rock hbo special but now a comedy central special is way better than an HBO special because a Comedy Central special is gonna be seen by Way more people millions more people and then on top of that they're gonna replay the shit out of it because they that's all they play It's comedy and people go there for comedy but like the numbers like if you look at the numbers like you would think that Like the Sopranos like well, it well it must have been like unbelievably high rated show it was for hbo but not compared to like the big bang or compared to friends right friends on top tv all that stuff it's just amazing that those

things are still that's those things are still viable and i wonder what if that's always going to be the case there's always going to be people who like bland like really easy to swallow humor like sitcom humor i think that generation's gonna die out i really do i mean yeah it's just like a fading thing and even that thing about like the network app i think the people that were that really really really are into that type of stuff though it's going to be 10 more years before they even know what an app is. You know what I mean? Apple TV, I think,

and those kind of network TVs, I think are going to really change everything, like the iPhone. If they make it so that they can't get directly to one of those three channels, if they show them other ways, then yeah, but these people that watch network TV

will probably just always watch network TV. They're used to a laugh track. They need that. Yeah, I think so too. I remember a part in Man on the Moon where it's Andy Kaufman, played by Jim Carrey, talking to his manager, George Shapiro, played by Danny DeVito.

And Danny DeVito is his manager, and he goes, I got you the best gig, Andy. You're going to love it. And this is in the 70s or whatever, and Andy's like, great, what is it? He goes, sitcom, taxi, it's going to be huge. You're going to love it. And he goes, a sitcom with a laugh track, all those dead people laughing? You know, those are dead people.

That's the worst stuff. That stuff's not funny. And it's amazing to me that he was saying that at the end of the 70s, and it's still 2014's 2014 and people are still watching stuff like that well that's funny that you say that because i was watching this um hunter s thompson documentary the other night i i just put it on while i was cleaning my office and um it's it's from the bbc the bbc did a um a piece on them and And I'll tell you what it is right here. Actually, I don't have it on this.

Anyway, it was very apocalyptic, like his take on society and America and where America is headed. And this is in the early 70s they did this thing. Maybe the late 70s at the very latest. It was in the early 70s they did this thing maybe the late 70s at the at the very latest it was in the 80s though and you know you're you're watching this guy who's now committed suicide he's dead this brilliant writer who's seeing the shift from the 60s to the 70s and he's saying that america is just going downhill we've become this fascist ridiculous state and our our cultures eroding and that you know within you know 10 20 years it's going to be over for us now here we are 2014 you know 30 plus years later and everybody's still kind of saying the same shit you know

everybody's still kind of saying you know hey it's all it's all falling apart hey our culture's disastrous it's it's doom and gloom always. I think that what's going on is that there's always going to be a certain amount. What is this? Fear and loathing. On the road to Hollywood. Is that the BBC documentary? Yeah.

Okay. I think there's always going to be a certain amount of people that think that the world is ending, the sky is falling. And there's going to be a certain amount of bullshit that think that the world is ending the sky is falling and there's gonna be a certain amount of bullshit that goes on always there's always gonna be people trying to correct for all the evils of the world whether it's war or crime or this or that it there's always gonna be that and then there's always gonna be like an adjustment period where you know you have like a bunch of police brutality cases and then someone figures out a way to stop the police from behaving that way, and then things get better. There's going to be a horrible war, and then people protest the horrible war, and then it gets better.

It seems like these ideas that it's all going to fall apart and society's going to collapse. I think all that shit happened, the society collapsing, back when people didn't understand the society could collapse now we have so much detailed history on like what it takes for a society to become like rome when rome fell what it takes for a society to become you know like one of these archetypal societies that people talk about when you know if the ancient greeks or the romans or any of these when you talk about like a society that was on top of everything had all of these scholars and all these intelligent people and then collapsed yeah it's going to be interesting to see what the next big one like that is because it's going to have technology and robots and a whole bunch of crazy stuff like way down the road but there's going to be some crazy stuff it's not

even far away yeah i think the technology robots all that shit like where things are going to be so much weirder than they are today it's going to happen so fast you know if you listen to like ray kurzweil and these futurist guys their take on it is always so enlightening because everybody wants to think of it as like you know when, when we were kids, we had VCRs, and now we have Netflix. What a jump. What a leap. But the leap really has been within the past few years.

The past few years have been bigger leaps than they were from the VCR to the internet. Like, the leaps are getting crazier. They have a fucking app that they came out with for Google Face or Google Glasses that recognizes your moods. Whoa. Yeah, what? It recognizes your fucking mood. Like if I come up to you with this Google Glass.

I can't even say it. Google Glass. I'm just going to call it Google Glass. If I come up to you with this app installed and wearing Google Glasses, it tells me if you're happy. It tells me if you're angry. It analyzes your face interesting that's some fuck creepy as shit man pull that up pull that up a lot of cameras have something like that already built in with the uh smile detection like where you point a camera and it will take a picture when it detects that you're smiling you know oh okay but that's not reading like mood it's just detecting a certain movement of your

face this fucking stupid thing is actually trying to like look at someone's face and decide you know that gross thing that really cheesy dudes do to chicks they go hey it doesn't hurt to smile you know it actually uh more muscles are involved in frowning they aren't smiling it takes more energy to frown it doesn't smile hey you know It takes more energy to frown than it does to smile. Hey, you know, why not smile? You know, that thing, that gross thing that dudes do to chicks. Have you ever seen a guy do that? Sort of, yeah.

Makes you fucking embarrassed to be a man. Yeah. That's going to be way more commonplace. People are going to be doing that all the time now. Hey, my Google Glasses recognizes you're not in the best mood right now. Hey, my Google Glasses says you're depressed. Do you need a hug? Because I'm here.

You know, just take a chance. I'm a good guy. Are you wearing Google Glasses or are you just happy to see me? What the fuck? That's totally wrong. You got it the wrong way. So what is this? This is the video that Google Glass shows.

Sure on Google Glass google glass detect the information behind see this for the first time facial analysis on google glass look at this zooming up on fraunhofer's proprietary shore software library let's have a look at how it works software library. Let's have a look at how it works. Shure processes high-resolution video in real time on the Glass CPU. Does it only work on nerdy chicks?

Shure can detect basic emotions or do variance detection. Oh, my God. In addition to that, it does age estimation and gender recognition. Age estimation and gender recognition. Age estimation and gender recognition. What if you're like a really good looking older transsexual man? You think it'll get you?

At the time of this beta, this has only worked on white people. That is a beautiful old man. As you can see, Shore is not limited to a single face. Uh, angry hipster. Shure respects other people's privacy. There is no recognition of faces, and none of the images leaves the device. Fuck you, it doesn't. But that's not all.

Our Shure technology can do even more helpful things not shown in this demonstration. Valance recognition for very subtle reactions. Whoa. Head pose estimation. Eye blink detection. This was just a demo of the Shore Library. The software is not available in an app store. This looks like a pirate and his hostage.

It's not available in an app store. What does that mean? It's now, maybe now available? Not ready yet. Not ready. Oh, it might be bullshit. That might have been just like a, we might have got fucking pranked.

You know? It says it's not available in an app store? Because it seems so fake. If I saw that years ago, I would say that's total bullshit because that technology was so alien, the idea of it. But now, after the Google Glass thing... You might not be able to tell by the smile on my face,

but I'd be really disappointed if that's not real. That's the thing. It's just seeing if your mouth moves side to side and if it's frowning. But some people cry happy tears and some people smile when they're furious yeah exactly yeah oh he's super happy yeah joking with this guy you look into ted bundy's car seems like a nice guy the happy bar gets full happy good cheek happy, good cheekbones, guy smiling.

He's got a clown mask. How come his door doesn't have an inside handle? Yeah. Oh, he's got a knife in his trunk. I'm sure that's for cutting birthday cake. He's a happy guy. What's with all the duct tape? How weird.

But one day they're going to get really good at it to the point where they will be able to detect. It's going to really be able to show. You're going to be able to detect not just that. You're going to be able to detect people's thoughts. It's going to really be able to show. You're going to be able to detect not just that. You're going to be able to detect people's thoughts. It's going to start out with moods, but eventually you're going to be able to see graphic representations of what a person's thinking.

You'll be able to tune. They'll be able to figure out. I think the way they're going to have to do it is, I've been thinking about this a lot. You know how there was no cameras and then they became cameras? Like when we were young, there was no way that you could ever imagine that someone was going to carry around a camera all the time.

Like that, you wouldn't think of that. You saw a camera, it was around someone's waist, or someone's neck rather, and they would have to hold it up and take that picture. It wasn't just simply like this little phone thing that we're going on now. That's a big leap, the big leap of having cameras in your pocket at all times um and if you went back before the invention of the camera if you went way way back to like you know back in the days when there was just paintings and drawings and things along those lines they could have never imagined that you'd be

able to make video from a little tiny slender device that you stick in your pocket they would have thought you read the devil if you showed them that and now this phone that you can take video with and go online with and take photographs now it's become a part of you it's become a part of who you are it's like it's a symbiotic thing. You keep it with you. You never leave the house without it. When you do, you freak out. I think they're going to come up with something that stores your memory better than you do. Are they going to say, we have, and it'll probably be like an addition, like an upgrade to the human memory banks. Like a memory card.

We have, yeah, like a memory card, but that shows you crystal clear video of what you saw. So, like, you know how if you had to pull, like, yesterday out of your memory banks, you'd be like, oh, fuck, what did I do? What did I do? What did I do? Okay, I got up. This is what I had for breakfast. But it's all blurry as fuck, right?

Right. They're going to be able to get it so that it's exact. You'll be able to rewind and play it back. Google Glasses, what did I do yesterday at 12.45? And then you're going to be able to share that with other people. Yeah. You're going to be able to share your day. What I'm wondering is if it'll ever get to the point to where we're paying for our privacy.

ever get to the point to where we're paying for our privacy you know like once everything's all wired in and you know once your google glasses are in a cloud with what you looked up on the internet that day and you're walking by somebody with google glasses and you know what i mean like they walk by and it's like you know a bubble pops up over their head and you know this guy was looking at you know yeah double anal clown porn earlier it's like whoa that stranger was looking at clown porn that's crazy but like if they paid ten dollars a month or something that other people wouldn't be able to know what they know like i'm wondering how fast and how far it's really gonna go because i think about it a lot too because i love pot and i think there's something about pot that makes you love thinking about the future,

especially technology. Because, I mean, it's all happening. It's so weird. And privacy and phone calls, things backed up can know everything. You can find out everything about somebody, their daily habits. Have you seen this thing about the cell phone towers that they don't believe are really cell phone towers? No.

There's cell phone towers that they've located that don't seem to be transmitting cell phone towers that they don't believe are really cell phone towers? No. What is that? There's cell phone towers that they've located that don't seem to be transmitting cell phone data, and they've gone to them with these devices that try to read. And what they think is going on is these cell phone towers are actually tapping into phone calls and recording your information. Like, say if the police want to find out where Tony Hinchcliffe is right now, and you could use the GPS on the phone and find out that he's on the 405 and he's headed to San Diego, and then they go, okay, we're going to tap into his phone. So they can tune in through that tower and listen to your phone calls.

You're like, I got the fucking heroin. The dude's all duct taped in the trunk. I've got 15 different handguns that are all illegal everyone's laughing on the other end meanwhile the cops are listening to the entire conversation like they can do that yeah there was a tower i that just went up in my backyard the other day like out of nowhere there was no construction out of nowhere just cia yeah black helicopters they've been doing this brian for a long time that was fun getting to meet him. And it has two antennas on the top that look like Wi-Fi antennas.

You can't see them in this picture, but then there's a solar panel. And we have overhead lines, power lines in our neighborhood. So there's like, you know, they're above ground. And there's no power going to it. So that means whatever this is is just running on solar. And it has antennas and like a weird box on the side of it it's probably nothing yeah probably like some i mean you're freaking out about it why don't you just find out what it is yeah i bet it has a number on it you can call or something no it doesn't for rating problems go here did you try to research what it is no i mean why don't you take a photo of it and put it up on twitter take

that picture and what they say what do people say uh people are pointing towards this that article that's the only thing that people have been saying yeah but see people do that when they you know if you don't really know what the fuck it is it might be that though yeah who knows i'm not even saying it's that i'm just saying it was really odd because one day it was there one day it wasn't and it was just like in my neighbor's backyard i wonder if they can do that can you take a cell phone tower and attach it to an electrical pole or does it have to have its own standalone sort of thing i don't know i would think that i don't know anything about it but i would think that the electricity would maybe fuck with it all that yeah all that power going for the through those lines if they don't let us turn on if they make

us turn off our cell phones when the plane's about to take off i don't think they could put a cell phone tower on an electric yeah but that's a that's a stupid thing that whole turn off your electronic devices that's all been disproven now that's why everybody's allowed to use like ipods and shit and ipads right up until the time you land. But you're still not allowed to use Bluetooth. Like if you have those Bluetooth headsets, like there was a dude in front of me on the airplane the other day. He had the Bluetooth headset, and they told him he couldn't have it on. He couldn't have it on while the plane was –

because he could interfere with communications. Yeah. But that's probably bullshit too. It's all bullshit. They probably just don't know any better, and they just say it because they just want to tell you to shut something off and they can't do that anymore i think it's also for planning things so you can't have like a bluetooth headpiece and you're sitting in the front row and i'm in the back row and we're all kind of communicating like hey you know like

terrorist stuff also do they work like that i don't know it seems like i wouldn't you if you had to communicate with somebody else in the plane? Yeah, but a Bluetooth headset, as far as I'm aware, all it does is communicate with an actual device like a phone. You'd have to be talking on the phone to someone in the back of the plane. Yeah. I don't think you can communicate through Bluetooth. Can you? Yeah, I mean, you can connect Bluetooth to Bluetooth and stuff like that. But can you connect Bluetooth to Bluetooth and talk?

Like if you had, I don't think so, man. I think you connect Bluetooth to Bluetooth and talk? Like if you had... I don't think so, man. I think you need some sort of a transmission device. I think like if you had a Bluetooth headset on and I had a Bluetooth headset on, we couldn't just connect our headsets and communicate with each other. We would have to do it through a device, right?

I don't know how that Bluetooth stuff works. I've never had one. I don't know. I don't know either. Well, even if you couldn't, you probably will be able to, right? Yeah. Within a year or so. They'll figure it out.

It's all happening so goddamn fast. Oh, yeah. It looks like, yeah, there's Bluetooth headset walkie-talkies on Amazon. Oh, it's a walkie-talkie. And it's just a little earpiece that's in your ear. That's it? That's the whole device? Yeah.

Whoa. Damn. Whoa, that's scary. Check this out. Oh, they whoa that's well that's scary check this out uh oh shit i gotta get your video up uh look at how small this wireless invisible earpiece uh bluetooth earpiece wow that looks like an actual tooth well that's when someone can talk to you through a walkie talkie though i used those when i was on fear factor they've had those forever they used to use radios and now uh now they use bluetooth but all that is is allowing you to talk you have to have a walkie-talkie on you on you and it connects to the walkie-talkie mine used to connect with a radio frequency i'd wear like a backpack like a battery pack rather this little communication pack

and it would work that way but someone else on the other end had to have a communication device. They had a walkie-talkie, and they were talking through that, and it would go directly to me. And I couldn't talk to them except for the fact that I was hardwired with a microphone that also had a radio frequency that went to a box. In the box, there was a sound guy that was there, and it would go through them and through their speakers. But it was like the entire um cast was wired up so all and you could turn each microphone on or off

but that requires a lot of equipment you know you got a lot of different shit going on there yeah what i'm saying is if someone has a bluetooth headset on just a bluetooth headset if they don't have a phone that's on you're not talking to somebody and you can't really talk to somebody on a phone when you're on an airplane here's a here's one that looks like you can do it it's uh it looks like a walkie talkie thing and it says that it has a two-way walkie talkie whoa up to four eighty four thousand feet whoa oh so they're basically saying that's what it does yeah Yeah. Who makes that one? Bluetooth? Callpod.com. Onyx, it looks like.

Callpod. Onyx is the name of it? And I'm not even saying it's that. I'm just saying that. But that is a walkie-talkie. Yeah, that might be something that. So it already does exist. Wow. That's crazy.

It's insane because Bluetooth already makes people look crazy. Hold on a second. What? Secret Service guys have that shit. Yeah, but they have radios. Yeah. Yeah, these are walkie-talkies. What we're saying is that

this little thing that that person had in their ear, that that itself is a walkie-talkie. That's fucking nuts. That's that little. Yeah. I wonder how far that transmits, though. Because Bluetooth to Bluetooth,

you can't really communicate very far. This is 84,000 feet. That's in the air, they're saying. Does that mean distance? No, they don't mean in the air. No, they don't mean in the air planes don't get that high that's space that's like three times what a plane goes square feet 84 000 oh so okay so it transmits 84 000 feet hmm 30 000 feet is a flight so 84 000 feet is like more than a mile how many thousand feet is a mile five thousand five thousand feet a mile right damn that's pretty insane so you could be like essentially

down at jerry's deli having a meal and i can talk to you in real time through these goofy ass we should buy these that's so crazy. What is the company name again? CallPod? That's where it's sold. It's Onyx. O-N-Y-X. O-N-Y-X. Hmm.

So it's like walkie-talkies, except you keep one in your ear. But how does it pick up what you're saying? You just can roam up to 164 feet away that's not that far when what happened I thought we had miles from your smartphone that's where so it has to have a smartphone no no that's just for it says that's just for smartphones if you want to use it as a headset for your smartphone hmm yeah this is what it says with our proprietary two-way walkie-talkie functionality, you can also connect the Onyx to any other CallPod Bluetooth headset and communicate up to 84,000 square feet while you're still connected to your mobile phone.

Oh, you have to be connected to your mobile phone. Hmm. But that's why you can't use Bluetooth. Yeah, I'm not sure what this is saying, though. You can connect to any other CallPod Bluetooth headset and communicate up to 84,000 square feet while you are still connected to your mobile phone. It's just saying that you could still use it and do the walkie-talkie at the same time. Like, if you're still connected to your phone, you could still use it as the walkie-talkie. Right, like you don't have to disconnect. Right. right well yeah we got to find out if this really works

all right we're gonna have to buy these pictures we'll go we'll buy them and we'll we'll broadcast like you can we do that i wonder if we could get it so that we could put the earpiece up to the microphone and you could go out in the parking lot and talk to us oh yeah put it like right up there and see if it works yeah absolutely over you have to say over though red van over we got we got smoky in the bush over remember when everybody was all excited because they had those fucking those stupid walkie-talkie phones those are the dumbest ever those Nextel Yeah But everybody wanted them Yep They wanted to be like Fucking walkie talkie guy

When we were in high school We didn't have cell phones Or phones So we all had CB radios in our car And we all had The humongous antennas On the top of your car

You had a CB? Oh yeah But it was cool Because we all lived Within like a couple miles Of each other So we can just Like use it as a cell phone

Before there were cell phones And just be driving around in our car being like where are you at where you want to go smoke some weed at the church sure you know Wow you're probably all in police frequencies yeah we got I think two kids are about to go smoke weed at a church yeah yeah you how about those police scanners you ever go over someone's house they got a police scanner going on all the time i got one on my phone i listen to it all the time yeah but i mean like those real ones that people have in their home those are weird just the domestic violence network we have another uh beating armor just something weird about people that want to

constantly be in tune with all the crime that's going on around them yeah it's probably guys that like wanted to be in the police force but couldn't pass the psych examinations. Oh, man, what's that fire truck going by for? I need to figure it out. I need to know when all these assholes in my neighborhood are up to no good. I just saw an ambulance and I need to know what's going on. I do it sometimes. I like listening to it.

I think it's interesting. Yeah, to it. I think it's interesting. Yeah, I mean, I guess so. Yeah, I mean, look, voyeurism and being able to rubberneck crimes and stuff, one of the things they're saying is they're going to try to, in L.A., they're going to try to raise up the walls in between the two lanes, the north and the southbound lanes, because people rubberneck so much and it causes so much traffic. Oh, it's insane.

Yeah, it's really frustrating when you get somewhere and you realize that the only reason why everyone drove slow is because some shit went on the other side of the fucking highway. Like, you fucking selfish cunts.

If it's not in the middle of the highway, then it should not slow us down. But everybody wants to see. Everybody should just get CB radios and keep driving at 75 miles an hour. Yeah. I don't think that's going to help. Yeah, I know.

The only thing that's going to help LA is if there's multiple layers. We would need several layers of highways. You could drive up to the upper highway if you really weren't scared of earthquakes. Yeah. Or if you wanted to be on the top. So if the earthquake happened, you ride that bitch down to the bottom and crush everybody below you. You know in Silicon Valley where that one dude had a really skinny car? It was like a one-person car. It almost looked like a piece of bread.

I don't know what you're talking about. I saw it. Imagine if a car like a Mini Cooper was cut in half. Did he make it himself? No, it was just kind of a joke. Like, that guy's so rich and look at his car how skinny it is he's like he's like bobby bud i want to listen to your idea i'm out of here and he gets in this tiny little because it's silicon valley and it's all just uh are you talking about the tv show yeah oh jesus christ sorry but yeah but what if we all had just one person cars in the future where it's because motorcycles get to go in between cars so what

if we just had like really skinny cars? Yeah, that's a death trap. Yeah, that's not good. There doesn't even have a lot of room for error if somebody hits you.

Yeah. That's the thing that everybody's looking at. Like when you see a Volvo, guarantee there's a pussy in that car. Someone in there is like terrified

of crashes. That's just how it is with Volvos. It's got a six star safety rating and i just can't get hit out here meanwhile joey diaz drives a volvo listen cocksucker to the best fucking car you've ever gonna have i like tater the volvo too so there goes my theory my theory sucks but so many of those people that do drive those things like super safety conscious because

that's one of the things that all their commercials were geared to yeah this is a boring ass car yeah yeah it's not fast but look what happens when you throw it off a cliff boom nothing like they they build those things to like withstand nuclear blasts yeah like you know see if you got one of those you're not gonna trade that shit in for a fucking motorcycle super safe they only go 45 miles an hour but it's so safe they go normal speeds now they're pretty fast cars i mean there's not much difference when you get to like the high end cars i mean there's there's a difference as far as like one of them handles more comfortably but they're modern cars are so goddamn good there's so much better like that car that we had in denver that uh hellcat that's a 707 horsepower american car a ridiculous car that we had in Denver, that Hellcat, that's a 707 horsepower American car, a ridiculous car.

That was unheard of 20 years ago. I literally grew chest hair while sitting in that thing. Some people use that as a figure of speech, like, oh, put hair on my chest. I looked in the hotel room when I was showering after that, and I had more chest hair. It's three times the car I've ever been in. That sound. But the point is, like, that didn't exist. It wasn't even possible.

Like, when you got a really fast car from 1970, it had, like, 400 horsepower, and it was just a death trap. Terrible brakes, no handling. It was like an elephant on roller skates. I mean, that's what it was like every way it went plowing into shit barely able to stop the cars today are just infinitely better so if you took a volvo of today which you consider like a super safe car very boring

and took it around a racetrack with like a 1970 challenger it would bury that car it would just fucking run circles around it and braking, handling, everything. You'd be like, whoa, Volvo's the greatest fucking hot rod ever. No, it's just old cars sucked a fat one. Old cars, they're just clunky-ass, shitty technology. That Hellcat Challenger, it's 700 horsepower. 700.

That means that the equivalent of that back in the day would be a carriage being pulled by 700 horses and just one guy in this carriage in the back it was hello but not even that because if you did have a carriage pulled by 700 horses and right next to it you had a challenger the challenger would fucking blow by that just it would be gone It wouldn't even be close. The race would last as much time as it takes for the challenger to drive past the horses. That's it. Once it got to the 700th horse, it's gone.

Yeah. I don't understand horsepower. Some horses are bigger, too. Yeah. Is it anything to do with horses, really? I think originally. Let's find out. Like, I'd imagine a horse is one horsepower.

Right. Yeah, but, like, some horses win the Kentucky Derby, and other ones fall on their fat, stupid faces. I'm surprised they don't have that for other things. Like, a bicycle, how many cat power is that? Oh, I was thinking, man, that's the other place that we've got to do a podcast. We've got to do a podcast from the Kentucky Derby. Oh, yeah. In reference to Hunter S. Thompson's, one of thinking, man, that's the other place that we got to do a podcast. We got to do a podcast from the Kentucky Derby. Oh, yeah. In reference to Hunter S. Thompson's one of his greatest books,

or his greatest pieces, was the Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved. It's a fucking great, great piece. Where it's like he went to the Kentucky Derby, and then essentially they were mocking all the people that were there. He was categorizing all the people that were there. He was categorizing all the monsters that were there. But by the end of the piece, he realized he was one of them. They're all fucked up and they're at the Kentucky Derby. They realize we're no better than any of these savages that are here.

Measurements of power, horsepower. It's the unit of measurement of power, the rate of which work is done the most common conversion factor especially for electrical power is one horsepower equals 746 watts the term was adopted in the late 18th century by scottish engineer james watt to compare the output of steam engines with the power of draft horses huh It was later expanded to include the output power of other types of piston engines, as well as turbines, electric motors, and other machinery. The definition of the unit varied between geographical regions. Hmm, that's interesting.

Most countries now use the SI unit watt for the measurement of power with the implementation of the EU directive. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Huh. That's interesting. In the EU, the European Union, the use of horsepower is only permitted as a supplementary unit. Like when you look at cars, you know, like if you look at an American car, 700 horsepower.

Whoa, 700 horses under the trunk or under the hood. If you look at European cars, like on European websites, they have it listed as watts and kilowatts of power. It's really kind of weird. Like Land Rover here is a perfect one because it's an English company. English company if you go to their their their website and you read what they have it's it's really kind of interesting like you try to make sense of like what is a watt how much is in that you know like what is like a land rover defenders like their version of like a jeep like dimensions and capabilities engine and

performance here yeah engine speed at maximum torque they have torque newton meters like it doesn't say horsepower the power in kilowatts kilowatts kw slash ps i thought kilowatts was just a back to the future thing oh no thature thing. Oh, no, that's gigawatts. Gigawatts. That's the necessity. Yeah, a Land Rover Defender, which is like their version of the Jeep, has a 90-kilowatt, 122 PS power rating. So that's how they do it in England. They hate America.

Yeah. That's what's going on she know horsepower sounds better you silly brits yeah because whenever you like read about a ferrari or a porsche it's always in horsepower right silly fucks yeah european union we just what what we go by the what system but it is a smarter way to do it really kill the wad course it is. Why do you think we do it that way, Joe? I mean, it makes sense. What the fuck is a horse doing, measuring a car? It's so American.

It's so goofy. How many power of horses is it? Yeah, we're goofy as fuck. We really are. We're so goofy with inches, too. Like, when I was a kid they legitimately tried to introduce the metric system to schools and i remember people being like fuck off throwing the rulers at the teacher they were just not buying it man i mean that was in my lifetime i

saw it they were trying to introduce the metric system just like they were trying to introduce soccer it was like very similar it's like and people were like no no not having it the metric system though is so much better it's everything is intense it makes sense like when we do fights in other countries in england england's the weirdest because they still go by stone do you know what a stone is what yeah if you were being measured you'd be stands 11 stone yeah how much is a stone i don't know why would they do stones and not horsepower i mean horses are pretty much a lot closer than stones sometimes there's a huge stone i think a stone is like 14 pounds or 13 pounds oh dude i'm only like six stones okay in many northwestern european countries the stone was formerly used for trade with a value ranging from about 5 to 40 local pounds with the advent of metrication from the

mid-19th century on it was superseded by the kilogram it remained in limited use for trade in the united kingdom and in ire Ireland until prohibited by the Weights and Measures Act of 1985. But, okay, yeah, it's 14 pounds. But they still use it for, like, weighing in fighters, when fighters weigh in. Does Bruce Buffer say that? Yes. Oh. Yeah.

I want to hear that so bad. He doesn't really say it. I actually say it. The guy says it to me. The guy will say it to me. You know, 14 stone. But when Bruce Buffer... Oh, that's right.

That's during weigh-ins. I think Bruce Buffer does say it, though, when they... I'm not sure if he still does. If there's an actual... During the actual fight announcement. Yeah. But at the weigh-in, I would have to say it. Wow.

I would have to say, like, would have to say like one stone 10 pounds you know 155 you know x amount of stones what is that 10 stone like not quite 11 stone this is fucking so strange 10 stone nine pounds you know you'd say shit like that wow that is a weird unit they stopped doing that after a while though and they had me just read off the weights like i don't i don't read the kilos anymore either like if someone says 155 it's 155 like it's this is like it's too confusing for american fans 86 kilos shit let me get to a computer You should start guessing the fighter's horsepower and announcing that. Weighing in at six stone and 140 horsepower.

You know what's interesting is that that's kind of silly, but it's true, in fact, that the guys with the more horsepower, they run out of gas quicker because it's very relative. Yeah, they have more muscle. The blood's got to get there. There's a certain amount of horsepower you need, and then after that, it's kind of ridiculous. It's like the same with a race car.

Like, if you have a car and it's a GT car, like if you're going around like the Nürburgring or something like that, like a real windy course with a lot of handling, you don't necessarily want like a thousand horsepower engine in your car. You want as much engine as your suspension can handle and when it comes to like miles per hour and miles per gallon you want like a balance between the two you want to want an engine that produces plenty of horsepower but not so much horsepower that it burns up all your fuel in 30 minutes and you lose the race because

everybody keeps going and you're done and you're out of gas. That's true with a body too. Can you see some dude who's got just giant fucking massive muscles? The reality is that shit is a giant engine and a small gas tank, and there's no other way around it. That's how the human body is. There's a balancing act going on. So that guy could get you if he gets you quick, but if the shit gets dragged into the third, fourth, and fifth rounds,

that guy might be toast. He might have a goddamn heart attack in there. You ever find out what happened to that guy's ribs from Saturday? That Potts guy? He got fucked up. Was that like 17 punches in the ribs? Oh, way more than that. Oh, my God.

It was insane. He took 67 unanswered body shots. That's what it was? Yeah. Oh, my God. Through two or three rounds, whatever many rounds it was, the fight what it was yeah oh my god through all through both two or three rounds whatever many rounds it was the fight where it was stopped he kept covering his head but he left his body open and i remember the guy just kept hitting that same spot that was crazy it was very

sloppy yeah that was not a good fight i just you know it's unfortunate but true that the larger guys like a lot of the larger guys like the skill levels just not does not compare and it's not because like they're not capable of moving right because like look at the way like a guy like like a super athlete moves you know look at a way like you know pick pick your favorite basketball player who's right lebron james probably the biggest super athlete in the world right look at the way that guy moves now if that guy was an mma fighter do you think he would move like those guys no he'd move like he is he's a super athlete those guys like especially potts he just like was real stiff and awkward it was just shitty technique like that's just not that's

not indicative of what you would expect from a high level athlete i think that was like the real problem with that fight it's just the other dude's good well the way that it would you know the way that it finished was what blew my mind yeah i mean just watching a man a heavyweight take heavyweight shots to the ribs and especially the same spot i was noticing when the guy's hand would pick up and he'd wind up he would hit in that exact same little square diameter that his fist was before and of all the stuff i've seen live i don't think i've seen anything like well it's just because the guy did a shit job of defending but anthony hamilton's a good fighter he's a very good fighter but it was his first fight it was his first ufc bout he moved so much

better like you could see the way he moved like moved. Just the way he is able to physically move back and forth. That's a big thing with heavyweights. How much athleticism do they have? How much of it is just sheer size and bulk and horsepower? And how much of it is athleticism? Yeah. I've been watching some pro wrestling lately. I bet you have, you fuck.

He totally predicted what was going to happen with his John Cena, Brock Lesnar. Oh, yeah. You knew the thing played out. Oh, no doubt about it. Brock Lesnar. You played it out long in advance perfectly. You knew exactly how it was going to go down. And you're saying that it sets up something in the future.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. They offered me a full-time writing job. I can talk about it now because I'm not getting it. I'm not doing it. But a couple months ago, they offered me a full-time job job. I can talk about it now because I'm not getting it. I'm not doing it. But a couple months ago, they offered me a full-time job to move to Stamford, Connecticut. After one meeting, a meeting like this that was about an hour and a half, at the end they go,

how would you feel about moving to Stamford, Connecticut for one year? A job with the WWE writing on the creative side. And I go, I'm going to have to think about that. And it didn't pan out because i didn't want to move to stamford connecticut and work a nine to five even though it's really good money and everything but you would have to go to you drive to uh la or drive to new york right still do spots yeah which turns out it's just a 45 minute drive but not that bad but the job is very grueling the wwe thing it's not it's not

like a tv comedy writing job it's like a i'd have to answer to vince mcmahony well tony what would you do get stoned before writing this idea do you think that's what he would say probably what would you say to him well if you want well yeah i'd say yeah and i was stoned when i wrote all the great ideas that you like, sir. Well, you have a point. You think Vince would try to get you on steroids? He'd probably try to get me to eat beef every chance he gets. He brought in Bryson.

This is from my ranch. I shot this myself this morning. Yeah. Well, was it good money, like serious money? Super serious money. Wow. Insanely serious money super serious money wow insanely serious money you came close i was happy to get the offer i took it as a victory and i love what i do i love what i'm doing and it might be i'll never regret it you know what i mean i don't know i think you regret it right now i'm looking in your eyes no no it's kind of a dream job for you yeah sort of but then again what i do is sort of a dream job too and giving up this dream job for you. Yeah. Sort of, but then again, what I do is sort of a dream job too,

and giving up this dream job for that dream job would be crazy. But you wouldn't have to give up this dream job. Right. I'm telling you, it's a grueling, creepy job. Unfortunately, trust me, if it was, if the word on the streets was, man, writing for the WWE is the coolest, you can do anything, I would have taken it, and I would have lived in New York, and it would have been amazing.

I would have traveled to Stanford 45 minutes every morning on a subway instead of living in Stanford. Yeah, it would have been amazing. And I would have had any, I could have, it was stupid, the amount of money. Yeah, you don't want to live in Stanford. You know what the problem with Connecticut is? It's not really a state. I mean, it is a state, but let's be honest, ladies and gentlemen, you live in a highway between Boston and New York. Yeah, absolutely. It's like they put some houses on the side of the highway and they call it a town. But that's what's really going on.

Nothing's being done there. Nothing's being made there. What do you got? You got the Glenn Beck show and the WWE. That's your entire state economy. Yeah. Of course, there's some other things. I'm just fucking around.

Don't get all fucking Stanford-y on me. Don't get all attached and proud of Connecticut. Connecticut pride. We got a fucking email, Joe. Connecticut pride. Connecticut sucks. You know it sucks, and I know it sucks. There's some great houses there, some nice neighborhoods.

Crazy neighborhoods, for sure. My friend Tommy Jr., one of my best friends, lives in Connecticut. He tells me it sucks. I trust him. It's not a good spot. When I used to drive there from Boston to New York I would always think like why is why are people stopping here yeah WWE but a lot of people like you know David Letterman lived in Connecticut and drove into the city to do his show that's how he did it yeah but he's like reclusive you know he likes being he needs to be away from everybody

he's weird like that and you're not you missed her outgoing uh in that city partying it up at night yeah doing a little blow in the morning to pep you up right before class for sure you know me show up on the campus give vince the paperwork that you wrote on the plane over there yeah tony this storyline makes zero sense. What kind of storylines were you planning? I know you did. I know you thought about it in your head. Absolutely. Absolutely. I wrote

a great storyline where Brock Lesnar in this past WrestleMania, he beat The Undertaker. The Undertaker's had a streak at WrestleMania. He never loses at WrestleMania. He never loses at WrestleMania. He was 21-0 all time at WrestleMania. 21

years he had never lost. And this match against Brock Lesnar was sort of set up so everybody just assumed the Undertaker would win. And then in a stunning move, Brock, towards the end of it, ends up beating the Undertaker for the three count. You want to see something funny, look that up.

Reaction shots of the audience. No, don't do that. But this audience was stunned. You know what else could stun that audience? A fucking simple card trick. Oh, come on. What are you talking about? Not in dude coat red. Dude, you're fucking being silly as shit.

Okay. It's all planned out. It's obvious. It's not obvious. It's definitely not. If it's planned out, why would it be obvious? You told me what was going to happen. I know what's going to happen. That's me, Joe.

That's not the arena. I'm advanced. That's not the arena. Not everybody in the arena was offered a full-time one-year writing job. They don't know what's going to happen. So you're an expert in pro wrestling, essentially. I've watched my whole... It was sort of like my replacement for not having a dad when I was a kid.

I would just sit there and watch these storylines and these guys do all this crazy stuff every Saturday. Now I'm getting sad. I'm sad now. It was my dad replacement. You totally bummed me out. Superfly Snooker was your dad. Pretty much.

Superfly was one of the biggest things. I mean, that's what I was doing off of couches in my tighty whities when i was a tiny little boy bob backland i remember bob backland the creator of the cross-faced chicken wing which is a great move man how much fucking time have you invested in this you should get paid by this you should seriously consider seriously consider taking that job uh no i would say no to anybody else. But you, you like that shit so much. You've always got those fucking books around. Like, he reads books

on the business of pro wrestling. We're on a fucking plane. And I look over, there's people reading self-help books. Some folks are reading novels. Tony H. is gonna fucking book the sex and politics. Sex, lies, and headlocks.

The true unauthorized bio of Vince McMahon. What the fuck are you doing? Reading awesomeness about a guy who took a joke of a show and turned it into a billion-dollar enterprise and wrote it all himself and is the main creator. You should write a book on pro wrestling is the main you should write a book on pro wrestling dude you should write a book a love affair pro wrestling a love affair from tony hinchcliffe i was listening to um to uh the open anthony show which is no longer the op and

anthony show now it's uh op with jimmy norton i don't know Why don't they just call it the Opie and Jimmy Show? But whatever. They had this guy on and he's an author. He wrote that card movie with Kevin Spacey. He's written a bunch of different books. His name is Ben Mazurich. Mazurich.

And he was talking about Russian oligarchs and about what happened, what went down in Russia during like the fall of the Soviet Union where seven to nine people soaked up 50 percent of the economy of Russia yeah seven seven or nine somewhere in that number like no more than 10 people literally had 50 of the russian economy and they were just killing each other they would like kill each other and take over their businesses like if you had a competitor if like you were coke you would send

your army over to kill pepsi and then you would just own pepsi too wow it's it was the total complete wow wow west and i don't know if he's written a book on this or he's going to write a book on this, but fucking A, man, listen to that shit. I bet he has written a book on it. I should find out what the book is. Ben Mesrich. Ben Mesrich.

It's interesting. I wonder what the direction of the economy and the trends and everything were before that exclusive group of people took that over. Because it seems like we're sort of, in a way, heading that direction with our stuff. The top whatever percent has such a crazy amount of money compared to the rest of everybody. Yeah, well, it's close. We're pretty bad, but apparently it's nothing like Russia like

these Russian oligarchs they just dominated they just figured out a way to completely dominate the entire economy of a giant country I mean it's listening to him talk about it was fascinating the show is different now that Anthony's not there but Jimmy Norton is so fucking interesting and hysterical, and Opie's doing a great job with it, too. It's still a great show. This guy, Ben Mesmerich, was fascinating. Fuck Russia, man.

It's crazy. They were talking about Putin, about what a gangster Putin had to be to come back and lead the country after he left. He led the country, took off. They imposed some sort of a term limit came back like no term limit in book oh he's back again like he's this is a second time running the country like he installed some sort of a puppet dictator or a puppet leader when he was gone and then came back and he's a former KGB agent. Like, what the fuck, man? You know, there's a guy that,

a professional wrestler named Rusev that actually puts Putin on the Megatron, on the Titantron, every time he comes out and really gets the crowd riled up. Oh, Mother Russia, I promise I will defeat my victim for you. And it gets the whole crowd to hate him.

And then a guy comes out and Rusev usually wins. They let theussian guy win because it drives the crowd crazy and then you think anything can happen after that what the fuck is wrong with you my favorite thing is to watch you respond to me talk about wrestling what's wrong with you you would love it something wrong with you i wouldn't love it. You'd be amazed. I'll bet you, though, I bet you if I showed you a statistic of UFC fans being WWE fans, I bet you'd be shocked because before the UFC was all over everything, one of the only outlets that, and by the way, I've been with the UFC since the beginning.

You know what I mean? I mean like watching it since the Hoist days, since Hoist and Shamrock and all that. And that's because it's, even though it's two totally different things, UFC is obviously an extremely, you know, crazy sport and WWE is completely entertainment with, you know, some injuries from time to time. You know, it was an outlet for anybody that wanted some crazy stuff. WWE and UFC fans, I bet there's a lot. I would bet you that 70... I'm just going to wait until you're done talking before I start attacking you. This is my closing statement. Here it is.

I'll bet you that at least 70% of UFC fans have been or are a WWE fan at some point. 70%. I love when people throw a statistic around where they have done zero research just a random number i believe 70 i do it all the time by the way yeah i'm saying i bet 90 a fan no i did they look it's not the goddamn same one of them is real one of them is people that are battling for their life in the most difficult contest in all of sports.

Another one is some weird fucking jerk-off thing that strange guys do when they sit in front of the TV and pretend they don't know it's fake. Right, it's entertainment. No, I know it's fake. Everybody knows it's fake.

You don't want to know. You shut that part of your brain off when you watch it. You're like a lizard that can close its eyelids. I went to a meeting to take a full-time writer's job. I know it's fake.

Even if you wrote it, you would still be there while it happened going, I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Who wrote this? He beat The Undertaker. You would have your fucking script in your hand, and you'd be jumping up and down, spinning around in circles. I can't believe Brockck beat the undertaker oh yeah unreal incredible worlds collide

oh yeah i never got to finish so i wrote a thing to where kane the undertaker's brother wrestled brock lesnarnar at this WrestleMania coming up in seven months or so and loses but Undertaker comes back, Tombstone Pile drives Brock Lesnar and they walk off together. Amazing. Swan song. They wave goodbye.

Now when you come up with a move for a guy to win with, do you take into consideration at all the health of the person trying to attempt that move it's tough you're right yeah it's tough because when brock lesnar did that shooting star press flipped through the air and landed on his head i've seen that yeah i've seen that everybody's seen anybody like who knew about brock lesnar was researching him very likely if you were going through like internet videos and stuff like that you'd run

into that video of him flipping off the top rope and landing on his head. All 300 pounds of them landed on his head. Bang. And kept going. Yeah. Crazy. I don't know how the fuck he lived.

I know. If you watch that, it looks like he's a dead man. Yeah. Lands on his fucking head. Yeah. There's some stuff that just can't even, that just probably an inch either way,

and he can't move his legs and stuff, but he survived it. I don't know how he did it, and then how he went on to fight, actually fight fight afterwards. Was that a big blow to the WWE when they realized that Brock Lesnar got fucked up by a dude with Brown Pride tattooed on his body?

Oh, no. I don't know what that is. What's Brown Pride? What? Brown Pride? You don't know who Cain Velas brown no cane velasquez oh no yeah i didn't know he had a brown pride tattoo how do you know him and not know he has brown pride tattooed on his chest it's a big point of contention i don't i don't know i don't a lot of people who are white people find it quite offensive because you could never fight with white pride tattooed on your chest that That's interesting. Yeah, now that I'm just hearing about this for the first time, that's an interesting thing. You're only allowed to be proud if you're a minority.

If you're proud and you're a majority, you're mocking everybody else. You're gloating. Or you're a racist trying to hold back the others. If you have black pride, then no one gives you a hard time at all. You could have a t-shirt on, on television that says black pride. And no one would have issue with it. But if you went on, like, CNN with a white pride shirt on, they might fucking kill you with rocks. Yeah.

That's insane. I never thought of that before. White man's been held down for a long time. Wow. You want to go to the meeting now? What meeting? The white pride meeting? Are you willing Wow. You want to go to the meeting now? What meeting? The white pride meeting. Are you willing?

Are you willing to join us in our ranks? So you're asking me if I think it messed up the WWE when Cain Velasquez beat Brock? When he beat him so easily. I think Brock going into the UFC and doing anything good whatsoever completely helped the WWE and and the wwe's brock i think brock lesnar no bullshit if brock lesnar did it the right way like if brock lesnar left the wwe and dedicated himself to becoming the best fighter in the world i mean like best striking coaches best jujitsu coaches an overall coach like a guy like a Matt Hume, like a John Crouch, like a real MMA coach who's going to go over your game, a guy who's well-versed in all the variables

when it comes to fighting, like a Dwayne Ludwig. Go over your game inside and out. Find out what they can fix and worked on him for years. If someone did that with him and then built him up slowly, you start out in the RFA, start on these smaller organizations. And then eventually you work your way up to a larger organization and eventually fight in the UFC when you have, you know, 15, 20 fights. Instead of your second fucking pro fight being against a former world champion. His second pro fight in the UFC was against Frank fucking Mir that's crazy he fights Heath Haring he fights Frank Mir I mean that's just ridiculous he's not ready he could have been great though right he could have been an

all-time great yeah he could have been an all he's a real freak athlete like no doubt about it when when he fought Heath Haring was just running Heath Haring over it's like holy shit the first time I time I saw him fight, I saw his first fight live. I saw him fight in Hollywood. He fought in L.A. It was a K-1 event. And it was really bizarre, man. It's like Dennis Rodman was there, and everyone was talking shit about the UFC.

They were trying to get some sort of publicity by talking shit about the UFC like they were trying to get they were trying to get um like some sort of publicity by like talking shit about the UFC so they hired Dennis Rodman this was like right when Dennis Rodman was coming off of those reality shows where he was all fucked up on drugs and you know he had metal all over his face and he's like UFC ain't shit compared to K1 and everybody's like no no they didn't and it was the first time Brock Lesnar ever fought. And I just remember he took down this guy. I forget the dude's name. I'm sure it's here on his website somewhere.

But he took down this guy and smashed him in no time. And I remember thinking, ooh, that is a lot to handle. Like, that's a big boy. That's not a, that's not like, I mean, he's fucking enormous. That's not lot to handle. That's a big boy. That's not a... That's not like... I mean, he's fucking enormous. That's not a small guy. He's an enormous former NCAA wrestling champion.

Like a real wrestler. Yeah. You know? He's unbelievable. And I mean, if that bacteria infection in his stomach that really almost killed him... I mean, it really almost killed him. Didn't happen. I think it could have gone a few different ways.

But I think either way, he would have gone back to the WWF because he can make so much money there doing such less work and such less training, and I think he's sort of into that. Because they don't work him a lot. They don't work him like other wrestlers. He has a special deal where he gets paid millions and has to show up maybe 20 times a year. A couple Monday nights, he comes out, pops corn, jumps up and down, goes back.

His manager does all the talking. You can't beat my client. And he's just standing there looking cool and he goes back. He has a better deal than everybody else. Because he's Brock Lesnar. He's known as a killer. Is he the guy that's like the most respected guy? I can't believe I'm asking you WDW questions.

Is he the guy that's the most respected guy? Hey, Ronda Rousey was at Raw on Monday with the four horsewomen. Gee, I wonder why she was. You think maybe she got paid for that? Yeah, but that's what they do. They pay you. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the whole thing. Yeah yeah in 2007 he fought this guy Choi Hong uh he was supposed to fight Choi Hong man but uh that guy got injured and they replaced him with a guy named Min Soo Kim and he crushed him in one minute and nine seconds of the first round and then his second fight was against Frank Muir. It's so ridiculous. Look, Jeff. Remember this? Oh, yeah. The 360. My favorite video ever. My favorite internet video ever. The Buffer 360. And that's when you interview...

Does he do it between Brock and Lesnar? Yeah. It shows him right there. It shows him talking to Brock right there. He made his debut in the UFC, his first fight against Frank Mir. Un-fucking-believable. Yeah. That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard in my life.

And then he fought Heath Haring in his next fight. Just crazy. Absolutely crazy. The next fight after that, he fought for the title and beat Randy Couture. Wrap your fucking head around that. Just wrap your head around that. The guy fought twice in the UFC, one against Frank Mir,

one against Heath Haring, and then his next fight is Randy Couture for the title. His fourth fucking fight in MMA, he beats Randy Couture for the heavyweight title. Legitimately. Knocked him out. Dropped him and stopped him on the ground. I mean, that's just fucking crazy. Really is fucking crazy, man.

He's a monster athlete. And they have the belt on him right now. And it draws a lot of people. It draws a lot of people in. Yeah. And they wrote a great one for this last one. For him to win the championship. He just completely dominated the good guy normally it's a back and forth battle whoa but this was

completely one-sided something like 16 german suplexes and by the way that that guy's landing on the back of his neck just like brock and that shooting star press some of these were sloppy and that brock undertaker match he literally gave the Undertaker a concussion. It was bad. It was sloppy. It wasn't supposed to go this way. But when Brock hits those German suplexes, even though they're paying him a lot of money, he's nowhere near the technical wrestler like the guys that have been built in the machine. So when he hits a German suplex and he throws a man over his head, He's not... The guys can land on their neck and head and stuff and The Undertaker was in bad shape. So Brock's sort of one of the guys that's sort of a liability.

Like, he can take a guy out even though you don't want him to. How many of those dudes have, like, neck surgery? Almost all of them. Mick Foley, who I opened up for a couple weeks ago, known as Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack, the Multiple Personalities wrestler, literally is

having back surgery right now really yep and he's had something like uh 47 broken bones it's all real he's missing his right ear he's missing his ear yeah what happened to his ear it fell off it fell off during a match this is the guy that took the dive off the hell in the cell versus the undertaker through a table. Oh, that guy. Nobody fucking knows about that. All right. Nobody knows.

Nobody knows. This is the guy that did the thing we all talk about. I'm telling you. It was like the 9-11 of the WWF. So his ear fell off. Was it a cauliflower ear? Was it that? That happens in MMA fights sometimes. Because it's so, you know a cauliflower ear? Was it that? That happens in MMA fights sometimes.

Yeah. Because it's so, you know what cauliflower ear? Yeah, I used to wrestle. Which causes it. Yeah. When your blood leaks into your ear, it hardens and becomes like calcium. And so when people look at people with fucked up ears from grappling, those things are hard. And sometimes when they get hit, it literally breaks the skin and it tears off.

Like chunks of people's ears have fallen off during fights and like landed on the ground inside the octagon. I wrestled for four years in high school. And my senior year, I remember I didn't get cauliflower ear, but some stuff broke up up there. And the top of my right ear was black for like a month. And it really freaked me out. I didn't ever look into what it was they just my coach is just like we'll put some extra padding in your headgear and so i had one side that stuck out more than the other side i always wear headgear man i don't want the problem with

cauliflower is everybody's like yeah it makes you look tough but it also affects the way your hearing works right like the design of your ear evolution has sort of created this thing that allows you to best capture the sound around you it's like it's not like a cute look right the reason why your ear is shaped like that i always tell people take your ear and then take the top of your ear and then fold it down and listen to how different shit sounds and then let it go like take that and just cover it up and then let it go well when it's covered up that's how randy couture hears all the time like that's what his hearing is like and his ear hole is this tiny little thing like waleed ishmael who's this

famous jujitsu fighter they call him valigi his ears it's like he has two hard, like a mouse-sized thing stuffed into each ear. It's like they open his ear up, stuff this hard mouse thing. So his hole is so tiny. No Q-tips for that guy. He's not using any Q-tips. If he does use a Q-tip, he's got to force that bitch in there, and you're never going to get it out.

He's got little tiny, tiny holes. That's bad. You're not supposed to holes that's that's bad you're not supposed to do that yeah but people like it they like it because it makes them look like fucking badasses yeah i don't know i think it's responsible for a lot of fighters bad choices in walk-in music oh walk-in music by the way that's my favorite thing they probably have no idea what they're listening to i love that part of everything especially the ufc because it is so crazy like the quiet before the storm and some people pick the worst songs well you know what's fucked up this dude rory mcdonald is one of the top fighters in the ufc he's a top contender in the welterweight division this bad motherfucker oh he's had bad walking

music like one time he came out to can't touch this and i was mocking him i had to i was goofing on it i was like what is this yeah um great song back in the day by the way yeah props to mc hammer frosty and i have a thing where it's coming gone we always talk about we go we will make predictions right off of that every single fight what happened was rory wasn't picking his walk-in music he changed his phone number he moved from uh vancouver area to montreal and he changed his phone number and the guy who got his old phone number was a fan just a ran it happened to be a fan because in vancouver in that area colonna where he's from he's fucking huge he's a huge star like when he fought in Vancouver, people went nuts.

They were so psyched to see him there. So this guy just happened to get his phone number, happened to be a fan. So when they texted him, what do you want for your walkout music, Rory? He's like, what? Oh, my God. So he never told anybody. And he had this phone number. That's hilarious.

For years, he was giving shitty walk-in music to Rory McTottle. Amazing. That is hilarious and then finally rory called up the number or something like that they like finally figured out that he wasn't really rory wow great like they said to rory you know we get your text for all your song picks he's like what i'm not sending you any texts oh my god i didn't fucking say what number are you texting and then he realized it was his old number that's so funny the guy must have been at home just giggling like a child when can't touch this came on

he must have been like yes I get it can't touch this walk-in music is so powerful because you can psych out an opponent with walk-in music is so powerful because you can psych out an opponent with walk-in music if it's done properly. If it's some subtle, crazy stuff.

No, you can't. A little bit. Maybe in wrestling, you look around, what is that? I can't believe he's playing that. Is that Phil Collins? I can feel it in the air.

I can feel it coming think i can't believe this is my song he took my song you don't think if you're on if you're fighting in the ufc and you come out first you had your song let's say your song's like a seven on a one to ten and then lights go out and phil collins in the air tonight does come in you're not a little bit like fuck i wish i would have picked this you know god he's already got he's already got one on me it's already landed one below and that's the intro music you think you need to call vince mcmahon right now you think like a fucking pro wrestling fan and i say that with all due respect i'm not i'm not hating on it but you think like you you take enjoyment in that stupidity i know i do it's entertaining as hell

vince why are you slipping this is the man who's going to turn your organization around you're the and they should call you the mastermind and they should make you a character as well i agree and you wear those gold wrestling shoes. That's your whole outfit. It's shiny gold. I'm the mastermind. Good to be here in Vancouver. Boo.

Oh, what's wrong? You don't like my plans for the future? Boo. I can feel it. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's an article on bloodyelbow.com if you go to bloodyelbow.com and read about the if you're a ufc fan it's by our friend crooklyn uh stephy daniels who wrote this uh story about uh this imposter choosing rory mcdowell's walkout music for years for fucking years the dude did it oh oh my god it's so funny man oh it even says how i was making fun of him

he's like oh man this sucks a little bit for folks who don't know i'm a big rory mcdonald fan and you you actually hear his voice during the when you hear joe rogan podcast check it out that's rory that's him from one of the and then the other one is nick diaz going train by hear joe rogan podcast check it out that's rory that's him from one of the and then the other one is nick diaz going train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day that's the greatest quote of all time of my entire career by the way but i just think this this dude i want to interview this guy whoever the guy is he's hilarious. Whoever that dude is. But it's like he had Loopy, Fiasco, Lightwork. That was one of them. Rihanna, We Found Love.

That was another one. That's amazing. But he came up with good ones. Like he had Metallica, Seek and Destroy. That's a good one. Huh. Yeah. And then he had a violin orchestra for one of them. See, I think that would be awesome. Yeah, why not, right? Yeah. And then he had a violin orchestra for one of them.

See, I think that would be awesome. Yeah, why not, right? Yeah. Just something different. Yeah, something different. Make the opponent wonder, wow, what's the psychological plan here? What is it about all that stuff, even though you know it's total 100% horseshit, what is it about that stuff that's appealing to you?

The entertainment. Joe, if you watched one of these things, you would see what you liked about it. You would have a few favorites, and you would dig it. Nope, I'd go fucking crazy, and I'd watch lions killing gazelles on television because that's real.

That's what I'd do. I'd grab my laptop, and I'd be like, yeah, you watch this fake shit all day. I need real. I need real. I can't get entertained by fake. But that's what tv shows and movies are they're fake no no they're not fake sports are real and that i understand and

this is sports entertainment it's not okay it's not we're not nobody's saying it's real when you watch game of thrones and you watch a guy get his head cut off you know what it looks like yeah looks like a guy actually getting his head cut off it looks real yeah when i watch wrestling and i see a guy get hit and go turn to the crowd i know that's bullshit right it's offensive to me yeah it's offensive yeah and the idea there's other moves that happen that are amazing no no no they're all they're all offensive oh no i know they take athleticism to pull off but they're offensive because i'm so aware it's so in my face this is not really happening i can't be the guy in the gold suit holding onto the script jumping around a place going the undertaker lost the streak has been

broken that's what you would do you would freak the fuck out i wouldn't do that i wouldn't do that i wouldn't what if you were hired if i had a gold suit i would do that but i don't have a gold i can see you doing it vince is fucking up really needs to make you a part of it i told tony when immediately he should do it and i can't believe you didn't take it tony because that is like one of the biggest things for you, because you are that. I was trying to negotiate doing it part-time from L.A. That would be awesome. That would be best for both sides

because I wouldn't get burned out on it, and they would have awesome, great ideas that are hip and cool, and I would have been able to do what I wanted to do. Hip and cool? Whenever a guy says, my ideas are hip and cool, I go, hmm, are you sure?

Well, it depends what ideas he's talking about. The Undertaker has a scarf. But it's a hip scarf. It's a scarf with little skulls all over it, like he's a pirate. He's drinking a Frappuccino. Oh, my God. Yeah!

I never saw this one coming. Fuck yes! The Undertaker has gone Metro. Metrosexual Undertaker. Maybe if you change... All of a sudden, Tony starts working for them and every character becomes gay. And it turns out that there's someone

who's sprinkling gay dust over all the other competitors when they're in the locker room. And he's turning, that's a plot that Tony comes up with. He turns the entire roster gay. It turns out there's an openly gay wrestler and he has gay fairy dust.

And he keeps it in like a leprechaun's ball sack. Like they killed a leprechaun and turned his ball sack into like this. Are you ready for this? this sure I am what if I were to tell you that there is an openly gay wrestler that blows dust in people's faces and his name is gold dust no fucking way there is this is real yeah dude this is in the WWE Dustin Rhodes a Dustin Rhodes, a third generation wrestler. What's going on with his dick?

That's gold dust power, baby. You've heard of horsepower. This is related to Dusty Rhodes? Yeah. How did you know about Dusty Rhodes? Well, I used to be eight when this shit made sense. Thank you, Jeff. This guy's real?

Please. I need to see more. I can't believe i invented a guy that already exists yeah you could you should be writing this that's him and his entrance outfit when he takes off the wig and robe and he psychs his opponents out he flirts with them in the ring and shit like blows them kisses and they get all riled up and then he can beat them with shit because they're like all i'm not gay get away from me and he's like oh yeah come here beautiful and they get all riled up and then he can beat them with shit because they're like all, I'm not gay, get away from me. And he's like, oh yeah, come here, beautiful. Do you think that the WWE should hire Michael Sam

as soon as he's done with the Dallas Cowboys? He's the openly gay NFL player. Yeah, I don't know. Apparently he's not good enough to make the team. They're just bringing him for the practice squad. They need to bring that dude into WWE and actually fuck a guy on TV. Well, him and Goldust. Yeah, but Goldust is faking it i could tell look at him that guy's straight yeah he's super straight

he's super straight that's the cat whisperer guy isn't it the same actor guy that's the cat whisperer what's the cat whisperer the tv show what's that it's a show where this it's like the dog whisper but for cats oh god really here's how you fix a cat rocks yeah dusty roads is his dad and he has a brother named cody roads funk problem solved i actually have a coyote issue in my neighborhood now because i have so many chickens these coyotes are circling my house on a daily basis every time i come home there's coyotes around my gate now oh shit creepy fuck do your chickens ever wake up in the middle of the night and wake you up no chickens don't wake up at night they sleep all night in fact you can i can go in the chicken house at night and just pick them up they're just sitting there you guys grab them i pick them up and move them yeah they make a little noise

in south central they just all night long or is that roosters roosters yeah yeah that's mexican guys love i don't say this you know i'm not generalizing generalizing generalizing but a lot like my friend my friend uh i don't want to say his name he's an older gentleman that happens to be uh a guy I've known for decades. Mexican dude. He keeps roosters in his yard. Like he has, I want to say he has a hundred chickens. It's close to a hundred chickens.

Wow. And he uses them for fighting. Like they gamble on it. It's just been a part of their culture for as long as they can remember. A hundred chickens. They have like an arena. He has like a barn. And his friends come over. They cook a goat.

They cook goats. And it's really crazy. Like that's also a normal part of their culture. And he was renting a house once. And he was telling me the story of how ridiculous it was. And he was like, they got in trouble for butchering a goat. Because someone called it in on them. And the landlord landlord said you can't do that you can't butcher goat he's like it's not weekly we left it alone you know so we didn't like cut it open and just

leave the guts out so the neighborhood smells it he goes like he's like we eat it and he goes but i could cook hamburgers in my yard and no one have a problem with it but he was like but this goat every like i know how healthy it is i know that it's it's good meat i know how fresh it is like we kill that goat and then they roast it they have like a like a like a barbecue and a bunch of guys would come over and they would eat goat and get drunk and have rooster fights wow yeah and it's a i mean we think it's fucked up but it's a total normal part of their culture and they eat the chickens i mean after it's all over it's kind of fucked up because they do make these chickens fight to the death but after it's over they turn them into soup but so it's like i you know part of me says it's animal cruelty the the biggest part like my gut

reaction i look at that should that be legal wow that's kind of a fucked up thing to do it's kind of a fucked up thing to put razor blades in the end of a chicken's foot stick them in a cage with another chicken they fuck each other they should just do fake chicken fighting see you have a gay chicken come out with the blonde wig and all right guys i lost you on that pitch it's got to be real chicken fight. I just can't believe this gold guy is real. I came up with a guy who blows dust, fairy dust on people.

You know his dad. You named it Dusty Rhodes. Yeah, but I didn't know that he existed. And he's got a brother named Cody Rhodes who just made the jump to being Stardust, which is the, he's like another version of Goldust, except now they roll together. So he's gay too? No, Stardust is more like just about the cosmos and like, whoa, I just can't believe all the magical things.

So he's high. Yeah. So he's like a stoner. Stone to the gills. Oh, that's so funny. Except he's just out on a, you never know. Do you think that it's possible that Tony could get me to like like pro wrestling yes oh i know for a fact dude i would know i know the exact matches the videos the moves the everything that would that would interest you i've seen too

much real there's some crazy submission moves that uh no no no no no that's the last thing let me tell you something that's the last thing you want to show me don't that'll get me angry i'll be like that wouldn't work right no defense here he used to hip escape he can get out of there nothing drives me crazier than like a fake submission move in a movie that shit drives me nuts you know i stopped watching dexter because fucking what's his name from third rock john lithgow john lithgow had this chick in a rear naked choke in a bathtub and he killed her that way and i was like oh my god that's the worst fucking rear naked choke i've ever seen that's so fake she's not even red i'm done and

i shut it off i walked out of the room in disgust and i never watched another episode of dexter again wow yeah you can't show me a fake rear naked choke you that that makes me angry that's like if you were watching a jimi hendrix biopic uh you know uh not biopic but like a uh you one of those movies where it's a fake like an actor plays jimi hendrix i guess that's a biopic right and some dude didn't know how to play guitar. And he's like, and you're like, no, you're not doing it. You're not doing it at all. You're not playing guitar. That's what John Lithgow's

shitty fucking rear naked choke did for me. The only reason I think you would maybe like it in the future is that you like UFC so much and MMA and Jiu Jitsu so much. And Tony gets together with a bunch of people and watches it. A lot of them watch it as a joke where Tony, I takes it a little bit too serious no no we all watch it as a

joke I can I'm not buying the joke I just see and recognize what's entertaining about it and I do like the ideology of stunning an arena of people sometimes that happens. It can happen. You have to look at the reactions of the people. This show is a three hour job interview for you. This is like your audition tape. They should fucking hire you. They should figure out any way they can.

I need you to pull this off. Where are you, Vince? Listen, take the needle out of your ass and hire this guy. You're crazy not to. You should have seen the looks on these people's faces when Brock Lesnar beat The Undertaker. Nobody thought it was going to happen. Oh my God, what did they do, Tony?

Imagine if on Saturday... The fuck is wrong with you? Nobody thought it was going to happen. It was amazing. It was fake as fuck, dude. But nobody thought it was going to happen. A lot of things are fake that nobody thought was going to happen. Tony.

Tony, Tony, Tony. Imagine if that guy who filled in for Burrell on Saturday and he took on Dillashaw. Imagine if in the miracle he was able to somehow land a punch on Dillashaw and beat him. The place would have been, I mean, well, it's sort of weird because that's Sacramento and that's Dillashaw's hometown, but I'm just saying, like, in a neutral field, that would have been stunning and everybody would have known that they just witnessed history. No, no, Tony, that would

have been real. Right, it would have been real, too. It would have really happened. It would have really knocked out a professional athlete, two guys who've trained to fight their entire lives. Right. It's real. Right. Right, I understand that. You're so crazy.

By the way, the stuff isn't... You're trying to sell insurance here. No, I'm not. I understand where your concerns are, but let me just show you the details of our policy. You're a crazy person. No. I'm telling you why there's millions and millions of wwe yeah and i'm telling you why

maybe hunter s thompson was just a couple of decades off when he was predicting the end of the world those guys i mean it's not easy for example brock was furious when vince told him that he wanted him to beat the undertaker that day like in real life like i bet he was and you were there to see it no but i talked to somebody who was oh i bet he was honest with you it's not like they lie all day every day hmm tony's gonna talk to some people let me tell you well i'll tell you what brock was actually mad he was really mad he read the script and he's like this is bullshit i'm not beating the fucking undertaker some of the guys that work Unlike the technical side

For the UFC Work for the WWE I heard Brock was crying Brock went to the hospital With the Undertaker Because he cried so hard he dehydrated himself After that match They had to give him an IV to replenish his tears

Because he thought he killed the Undertaker From that concussion It was bad It was bad. Shut the fuck up. It was bad. It was real. The concussions are real. You can't...

I don't even buy that. I don't even buy it was a real concussion. They probably faked a concussion. They can't. They've got to take the Undertaker to the hospital. He's got a boo-boo. It wasn't even on the... It's a real boo-boo, folks.

If you don't think it's a real boo-boo, I'll show you the fucking band-aid on it. Are you talking to my four-year-old? It's like you're pitching something to my four-year-old. Yeah, it is a boo-boo. It is a boo-boo. It needs a band-aid. Honey, he's not even bleeding bleeding You don't need a bandaid

I want a bandaid Okay Will a bandaid make you feel better We'll get you a bandaid They took the undertaker And put a bandaid on him He's wearing a fucking bandaid And Tony Hinchcliffe

In a gold suit Holding the script I can't believe It's a real boo boo He's jumping up and down In circles And Vince McMahon Is standing there

Shaking his head the color of purple all fucking pent up with rage that's how i wrote it oh so much fun my god it's a boo-boo look at the band-aid it's real it's a boo-boo. Look at the band-aid, it's real. It's a real band-aid, ladies and gentlemen, if you doubt it. What else do you like that sucks? Let's see, what else do I like that sucks? I guess I play fantasy football. I don't talk about that a lot. Well, fantasy football is at least based on fucking football.

Right. Which is a real game! Yeah. People are really trying and shit really happens. But nobody knows what's gonna happen in real sports. Oh my god. Isn't that part of what makes it exciting, you fucking weirdo? Same thing about the WWE. Bullshit! You don't know what's gonna happen! You don't know what's gonna happen.

You predicted it! The writer, no, the writer knows what's gonna happen. Oh, the writer knows what's going to happen. Oh, the writer knows. It's not real. It's like a play. Do you like plays? I know it's like a play. Do you go to musicals?

No. Wrestling is gayer than musicals. How about that? That doesn't make sense. Sure it does. Those dudes are hugging. They get all sweaty. They're laying on each other.

They're acting. And it's not real. Okay. all sweaty they're laying on each other they're and and it's not real okay i mean after musicals guys are banging but how do you know i don't know if they're banging i don't go to those things i'm not in that world you've seen a musical right yeah i've seen a bunch of musicals not that there's anything wrong with being gay, by the way, but musicals are gay. They just are. It really is. It really is. I mean, unless it's a humorous musical. Yeah.

Even then, it's even then. Yeah, he made someone kiss his ass, right? That's someone else's. That's a Photoshop, isn't it? Yeah. That's not the real photo. Who is that guy that's kissing his ass? That's a fake guy.

Who is that? There's probably one of you out there. Just go look for it. Right. That's the thing about Who is that? There's probably one of you out there Just go look for it Right That's the thing about the internet man There's a photo of you out there somewhere Someone's photoshopped a dick in your mouth Yeah

Or you kissing an ass Or you doing something ridiculous Been over a Mustang But why did he do that? As a challenger Why did he do that? Why he pulled his pants down And made someone kiss his ass on TV?

Probably That sounds like something he would do. But he did. You know it. Why are you pretending you didn't watch that one? I think that was over like 12, 13 years ago, something like that. Wow, you weren't there yet, huh? No, I can't remember.

I can't remember. I don't believe it. I think you're being mocked. That may have been during that period. You made a bunch of guys kiss his ass. Look at that. that that's hilarious it's just like fuck your brother backyard wrestling kind of gay look how many people in the audience though that's insane plus it's been winning the monday night cable wars for over 20 years think about that for a second every monday night it wins every single monday night they pulled tnaNA, though. They pulled TNA from Spike TV.

That's Vince's competition. What's the problem with TNA? Just not good enough? Everything's terrible. They're just completely... It's an ass? It's not even in the same... No, no, that's what it should be, Brian, but it's not.

It's not even in the same ballpark. What is it? Well, they used to have, like, a lot of MMA guys would do it. Like, King Moe was in TNA it. Like King Mo was in TNA and Rampage was in TNA. It's not good? No. No?

What's wrong with it? Bad writing, bad everything. Could you go over there? Maybe, maybe. No, I don't want to. You don't turn down the WWE and go to TNA. Listen, you could be

the fucking mogul. What if they gave you a piece of the action? What if TNA said, listen, we heard you on the Joe Rogan podcast. We like the way you think about wrestling. I think this organization still has some life.

And we're willing to cut you in on this. Give you 10% of the action. Own 10% of TNA. I'm pretty sure 10% of the TNA wouldn't even get me what I would have made with the WWE. You son of a bitch. Yeah, they just lost their TV deal. They don't have a TV deal? Uh-uh. Yeah, they're done.

Well, maybe they'll get picked up by Lifetime. Vince McMahon beat Ted Turner. What is Ted Turner? CNN? CNN, TNT, TBS. He threw Ted Turner at open checks that he would just sign any wrestler. Back in, they were having

wars. On Monday nights, they'd go against each other. Vince, WWE on the USA Network and TNT had Nitro. And Ted Turner said, whatever we need to do to beat Vince McMahon, we'll write the check to whoever. So they bought Hulk Hogan. He believes this. I was there.

I was in the room. No, I didn't say I was there. He said he was willing to spend whatever it takes. That sounds like a plot like a plot in like these are two different no i'm taught this is where it's real this part's real that's the problem you've cried wolf through this whole podcast i never said it was real about you just keep repeating that it's not real and i'm agreeing with you and now you're trying to tell us that the boogeyman's real that That's what you're doing.

I don't think wrestling's real. I said that I... I was going to write it. How much did Ted Turner spend? Millions and millions to buy the guys that were already developed from the WWF. He bought all their biggest guys.

Like who'd he buy? Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage. I bought the Macho Man. You know Macho Man. Dusty Rhodes, whose name you dropped. I know Macho Man because I'm a Slim Jim fan Right? Dusty Rhodes

He bought them all And how did it do? They ended up winning the wars For a bunch of weeks in a row They did For like a year in a row But then Vince bought Mike Tyson and made him refer a

match at wrestlemania with steve austin and sean michaelson then it dominated the rest is history that's it one move yep you know that's all it takes sometimes is one move like hugh grant being on tonight show was what won the tonight show the rating war. It was like this rating war, and then Jay Leno got Hugh Grant on after Hugh Grant got busted with a skanky, as Dom Herrera would say, skanky. Yeah. Skanky black prostitute.

Dicky skanky. Yeah. Remember that chick? Yeah. And you could, she was advertising online, like as a hooker, like for the longest time.

I don't know if she still is, but like an escort like that this was the girl got arrested with hugh grant that you could fuck her like that was like the selling point and that one thing when jay leno had him on the couch he goes what the hell were you thinking right yeah that one on the reignings war amazing how that happens like that crazy why do you because it's amazing that you know i just like david letterman a lot more than jay leno and to think that you know using some scum buckets scummy life is a launching pad that jay can pass up a guy like letterman and by scum bucket scummy life i'm talking about hugh grant awesome dude who takes crazy chances

that are entertaining like hugh grant really if it wasn't for that a lot of people got a lot of enjoyment out of the fact that he got busted with a hooker i don't think it's good what he did but i don't necessarily think it's bad either you know he wanted something dangerous in his life he's a movie star he's living this fucking ridiculous life. He has that beautiful woman for a wife What was her name? The one the the same chick who was involved recently Elizabeth Hurley remember god damn She was hot. It's ridiculously hot Okay, I need something dangerous You got a streetwalker what did Eddie Murphy do?

You got a street walker. What did Eddie Murphy do? Trans. Does anybody talk about that? Like, how does that never get brought up anywhere? It gets brought up. There's a reason why Eddie Murphy doesn't go on stage anymore. I guarantee you that they're probably connected. It's got to be, right?

Yeah. That's got to mess with them. Dude, I was at a comedy show with Charlie Murphy, and some dude was heckling from the audience. Like, heckling Charlie Murphy. like heckling charlie murphy and charlie was charlie got real with the guy you know like the guy said something to him and charlie was like yeah yeah listen that's my brother and i'll fuck you up it was like really that simple it's like all the comedy got dropped and then the dude was in the audience and he realized, you know, there's only about 30 or 40 feet between him and Charlie Murphy. Like, that's a real person.

You can't just mock a guy's brother like that and not expect something to go wrong. Yeah. Yeah, my friend, I won't say his name, but was one of the police officers that was involved in one of those altercations. With Eddie Murphy. Where he was helping a gentleman home, a gentleman that likes to dress as ladies, and he was just trying to help somebody out.

No big deals. Eddie Murphy was. Yes, big misunderstanding. And your friend's a cop. My friend... Is he a Beverly Hills cop? He worked for the police force. I don't believe it was Beverly Hills.

But I get it. It's okay. I get it. Banana in the tailpipe the banana in the tailpipe trick just for me as a comic like as a young comic I can't imagine how guys like we talked about this yesterday with Dom how guys just stop. Like with Steve Martin, they just stop. But to be a guy like Eddie Murphy and stop, if you ever go back and watch Eddie Murphy

Delirious, it's hard because it's difficult for those things to hold up today like they did back then. But when I was a kid in like whatever year it was, maybe it was like 86 or something like that where Eddie Murphy Delirious came on, he was a destroyer of worlds he was so funny we were over my friend jimmy lawless's house and watching it with jimmy and john badaracco and john's sister and i think a bunch of people there we were crying laughing yeah at eddie murphy delirious we couldn't believe how funny it was it was just insane oh my god my God. It's the funniest. This is before I ever even thought about doing stand-up comedy.

The idea that that guy is still around. By the way, looks fantastic. Yeah, I was going to say, that's the red leather, right? Yeah. No, I mean today looks fantastic. Eddie does. I saw Eddie Murphy in Maui about two years ago. Just totally random.

I was there with my family, and I ran into Eddie's cousin at the desk, at the check-in desk. I'm like, what's up, dude? What are you doing? He's like, oh, shit, Charlie's here. You know, go say hi. So we went over and said hi, and he's with Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy looks like he's 30 years old. Wow.

I mean, I don't know how old he is now. He's got to be in his 50s, right? Yeah. Because when I was 18 or something like that, 19, Delirious came out, and he was got to be like 24 or 25 back then, so he's got to be in his 50s. He looks fucking great. Yeah. So whatever he's doing, keep it up.

Wow. It's black skin, too, though. Yeah. Black people have, black don't crack, you know? That's true. They have way better aging. Black people have, black don't crack, you know? That's true. They have way better aging.

Like really blonde folks, you know, like those really Nordic looking, those motherfuckers wrinkle up like an old catcher's mitt. Yep. Just turns in on itself. It's oily skin, like, and dark skin too, because that dark skin doesn't get fucked up by the sun, you know? Melanin? Melanin protects you from all the shit that white people are always worried about.

They're always putting fucking sunscreen on. That's why... Look at Oprah. How old is she? She looks great. With makeup on. In real life, you don't think so? Oh! Oh, no.

No, no, no. If people saw what Oprah looked like in real life, she'd be dealing with... She'd be the next WWF superstar. Isn't it amazing that Oprah is one of the few people that's gotten by, like few people that's a woman, without ever selling herself as a sexual object?

You got like your Barbara Walters characters, you got like your barbara walters characters you got like your news people and you got oprah well she's never had a choice right she's never it's pretty easy to not be a sex object when you you can't be a sex object she's like one of the main points against the you know the only way a woman gets on television if she's like one of the main points against the only way a woman gets on television. She's like the biggest fucking... If you had a deal, you had to look at biggest stars. Like biggest stars in the country. She's top ten out of everyone doing everything. Whether they're singers, whether they're actors.

Top ten. And she's done some acting. She was in The Color Purple. But you can't really call her an actor. She's really just a personality. and just from being a personality she's one of the most famous people ever yeah tony would you fuck oprah or ellen um i or both if you had a choice between either or or both i would have to be ellen i mean it's like a no-brainer. Either or, both? Have you seen Oprah with no makeup? No.

But have you done ecstasy? Have you ever done ecstasy? I think you'd do both. No, I wouldn't be able to do Oprah. Joe's in love with Oprah. I love Oprah. It depends if, like, am I in Oprah's, you know, $30 million compound? I might be a little more easily swayed.

Do you think you would be? Like a girl would be if she went over a guy's house, he picked her up in a Lamborghini and drove her to his castle? I'm pretty sure Oprah's a billionaire with a B, man. There's something a little bit hot about that. Isn't it? There you go. Look at that. There she is.

Fuck, yeah. For all of you that have ever wanted a bone, Rampage Jackson. Oh my god, you son of a bitch. I can't believe you. You're a terrible person. I've always made fun of people. I like picking on people. You almost play a character.

You play kind of like a evil person. So you're almost playing a wrestler in real life. Yeah. I like picking on people. That's my move. That's your move? If you were a wrestler, you'd be the guy that gets under everybody's skin? Yeah.

Sticks and stones. They break your bones, but my words will hurt you I want to take you back Tony do you remember this oh yeah I do remember this so clearly Wow this is an interesting time to drop this time to drop this on me. Wow. Now, to most people, this is just shitty fucking music. People were complaining so hard on my message board yesterday that I played this.

I love it. I was like, I understand the Grateful Dead now. I really do get it. I never got what everybody, I understand The Grateful Dead now. I really do get it. I never got what everybody was into with The Grateful Dead until I did DMT with this playing in the background. By the way, a fighter comes out to this music. That fighter in the ring is like, fuck, man. I don't want to fucking fight this guy. This is some shady shit.

This guy's got extra pack and some extra confidence. I worked out to this fucking fight this guy. This is some shady shit. This guy's got extra... Packing some extra confidence. I worked out to this. Really? Yeah. Yeah, it put me in a weird place, man. Plus, I was high as fuck on it. Yeah. Yeah, you can get high and listen to this,

and it takes you, like, really close to that place. Yeah. That's what's fucked up. It's like you have some weird memory of psychedelic trips, but when you have a psychedelic trip that's connected to music, and then you hear the music again, it recalls

some of the psychedelic trip. I remember specifically, the last time I heard this song, I was watching 70 Popes do the robot. Popes. Pope hats. Wow. Anyway. There goes that WWE writing gig right there.

No, you're going to come in as the wizard now. You're going to come in as the shaman. You're going to bring in shamans to change the course of events. That's pretty intense, huh? you're going to bring in shamans to change the course of events. Yeah. That was pretty intense, huh? Tony didn't have any plans on doing DMT either until we went to Texas. Mm-hmm.

Until 40 minutes before it happened. Yeah. Yeah, you weren't sure if you were going to do it or not. Yeah. I didn't bring it up. Brought it up like right before. You want to do this? And he was like, what?

Huh? Which is the best way to do it. Don't think about that shit. Just dive in. Especially DMT. Yeah. But if you're worried about it, don't do it. Right.

But you did it. Anything that lasts 10 or 15 minutes, I could always do. Yeah, but that 10 or 15 minutes will change everything. Yeah. So much fun. What was surprising about it? Just the overall visions and craziness and the mellow chillness of everything. And it was just a very cozy environment and everything.

The experience. of everything and it was just a very cozy environment and everything the experience what did you expect versus what it actually was um i didn't expect much i don't know anything about it so i didn't know it i don't know anything about it going into it that's really crazy yeah that's probably i just i just knew that I had done mushrooms four days before. So I'm like, all right. It's perfect. You were primed. Here we go. Yeah, as a part of Ari Shafir's Shroom Fest, which is, by the way, growing.

People are doing it all over the world now. Oh, my God. When he announces that, people get on shrooms all over the world during that same week. We had so much fun, man. That night that I went there, there was a meteor shower, an all-out meteor shower, and it was like a planned thing all over the news. Like, meteor shower tonight,

if you just so happen to look at the right time, and we're out in the middle of the desert, where if there's a shooting, you see a shooting star on a non-meteor shower night once every few minutes. And this was just a shower of meteors with a supermoon, because that's what he scheduled shroom fest around so supermoon meteor shower lightning storm miles away and one patch of the

desert just lightning crazy beautiful bolts and uh clouds supermoon and um and then when the sun came up you know it's that weird desert thing where it's still dark on one side and there's a moon and then the sun coming up on the other and a nice warm shower rain started. We were just like in heaven. We were just cracking up for seven hours straight. It was insane.

And I've done three Shroom Fests with Ari and I've always said, you know, it's better than Christmas. It's the best holiday. There's something beautiful about getting together with a bunch of people and having that kind of an experience together just wish you could do it without actually having to take something so funny mckenna had a an interesting take on that he's like you know people that want to do it naturally you know people want to do it through yoga or meditation he's like i goes, I don't ever want to be able to access these places accidentally.

Because they're so titanically alien. I want to take something that gets me there. And his take on it was that everybody has this problem with taking. It's psychedelic. The idea of letting go and taking something is just too scary. Because we always hear about people overdosing, which certainly can happen with a lot of drugs. It doesn't happen with most psychedelics, but people do have adverse reactions. They do freak out.

It can absolutely happen. But his take on the idea of trying to get there without the drug is just, he was like, it's so silly. You know you can get there instantaneously with the drug is just he was like it's so silly it's you know you can get there instantaneously with the drug but everybody always wants to do it on their own you know right there's like can I I can do it naturally I can achieve those I've talked to people that are like a dent against psychedelics but want to achieve psychedelic states and there was like I can get there naturally like I don't know if you can you might be able to get there but you can't stay there like I've done transcendental meditation I've worked hard there's been a couple periods in my life where i worked hard at it and just like any muscle you get better at it and yeah

if you get good at it and you're into it and you're in the right setting 20 30 minutes in of going over and over again you you're gone into that type of state, but your brain immediately goes, whoa, you're in that state, come back, and you're back. You're like, whoa, I was just somewhere for two seconds. I think you can get there, but you can't really stay there like you can with some help where you're in it for a few hours.

Right, but is that because you're not a practice guru or a practice traveler in those mental worlds? Isn't it possible that there could be a way like the thing that gives me hope is kundalini because my friend denny uh who's uh he's a kundalini kundalini kundalini instructor and he's uh he's practiced it for years and he's done a bunch of psychedelics as well he told me that he's a bit he's able to achieve those states that he can get to a state of hallucination, like psychedelic hallucination. He can literally get to a state where his mind starts pumping out psychedelic chemicals.

He says it's not easy, though. But he's been doing it every day for years. Wow. And he can get there. So I think when someone like you says you get there, but then you go, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm there, I can totally relate to that. Right. Because I've been in there in the isolation tank before. There was one time I was in the isolation tank where I had this crazy hallucination that I was in some weird tribe.

And these people in this tribe were talking in a language that was completely foreign. But I could understand it. And I was even thinking in their language. And then I realized it. I was like, oh, my God, was even thinking in their language and then i realized it i was like oh my god i'm thinking in their language then woke right up and it was over but i'll never forget that because that moment i was like it seems so fun like that i could possibly venture into some completely alien civilization alien to me where i didn't know anything about how they were talking. I didn't know anything, but I could understand it.

And it was almost like this window to what communication really is. That communication, although languages vary and although cultures vary, there's a thing that's going on when you're communicating. Like when you and I are talking right now, there's a thing that's going on and you're communicating like when you and i are talking right now there's a thing that's going on and you can tap into that thing whatever that thing is you can tap into that thing and you do it with language but in my my crazy hallucination inside the tank i tapped into it with my mind and i was locked in there and although i understood what they were saying i shouldn't have it was was very, very strange. It was very, very strange because it wasn't as simple as I was pretending

that I could understand what they were saying. In my mind, noises that were coming out of their mouth were reflecting in my mind. I was giving interpretations on those noises. And those noises were like they were they were normal for like a normal communication like hey we got to go down the river and we got to pick up some water and be careful because there's a snake that someone saw that's near this log it was like that kind of shit but it was in a completely different you know some weird fucking language right but it's always the same thing like whenever you have something that's really trippy that happens when you're meditating or really

trippy that happens when you're dreaming it's very difficult to stay in that state and not go oh my god I'm having a lucid dream right then you wake up yeah it's hard to do all that stuff one of the interesting things about shroom fest when you're doing it with a bunch of comedians and you forget that that you're out in the desert with seven guys, and sometimes you're all sort of spread out on a mountaintop, you know what I mean? And sometimes we're together laughing, but sometimes we would break apart, and then you forget everything that's happening, and then all of a sudden, something hilarious happens. At one point, one guy was like like and we're in the middle of

the desert like phones don't even work out there but out of nowhere you just hear because it's so quiet it's beautiful quiet desert and you just hear one guy go oh shit i just got a tinder match everybody just started dying i mean out in the desert is trying to get laid oh exactly and i mean so far away from civilization it's so funny like guys and their desire trying to get laid oh exactly and i mean so far away from civilization it's so funny like guys and their desire to to get laid i wonder if girls have the same sort of conversations like constantly trying to figure out how like single girls how they can get some dick it's one of the thing that one of the things that i really it really annoys me sometimes if if a buddy's too horny it annoys the shit out of me the worst is

if you have a friend where that supersedes everything yeah like you go out with them and they'll like they'll like you're supposed to all be hanging out together and they'll leave if they get a booty call they'll leave they get a text drives me crazy hanging out they're swiping on tinder or they're you know just you know jamie this motherfucker he's the entire time we're in denver he never put his phone down but that what i was i'm preparing for my fucking comedy special you know, just, you know, Jamie, this motherfucker, he's the entire time we're in Denver. He never put his phone down, but I was encouraging my fucking comedy special

and he's in the green room going over his Tinder matches. I was, I was, I was guilty of encouraging that though, because I think she really looks like this.

Get the fuck away from me. Joe, you're shooting your special in 10, nine. Joe, what do you think about this chick? She's too much makeup. Just be honest. She's you think about this chick? She's just too much makeup for beyond

She's a kindergarten teacher. Oh, it's probably a freak What is it the tinder is like the number one and then this grinder for the gay folks is there one that's Like for like people are not sure Anything in the middle of I don't know the middle of, I don't know, I'm just fucking, I don't know what I'm looking for. What do you got to offer? What's for sale? I'm not sure what I want for lunch.

What's on the menu? Anybody that'll take anything. Yeah. But the desperation, the desperation to hook up. Crazy crazy and another thing is i can tell the comedians that do stand-up comedy just to get girls guys that didn't get laid in high school and college that figured out later on that made a second if i make people laugh and i go on stage the people that do it just for chicks that That's annoying to guys who are trying really hard to be an actual stand-up, right? Right. Right.

Exactly. Those guys never write. Exactly. They have the same bits. And once they have bits that work, they stick to those fucking things like glue. And you're like, where's your new shit, man? Never going to see it. Yep.

That's a trap, huh? Mm-hmm. never gonna see it yeah that's a trap huh yeah whenever you you think about other motivations other than the work itself the work itself suffers you know they said they had they did this thing they did this study on motivations and the motivation of doing good work versus the motivation of just trying to make money and they found that the least success was achieved when you had a combination of the both, because then you'd be really distracted. The least results, the worst results,

were when someone was like, I want to do good work, but I want to make a lot of money. So how do I do the work, make it good, but try to make a lot of money? That was the worst results. And the best results were achieved when they didn make a lot of money like that the worst results and the best results were achieved when they didn't think about the money at all but concentrated entirely on doing good work yeah no doubt about it yeah i mean i was always you know the first uh three or four years of me doing stand-up moving out here i came out here with a carry-on bag and like $40 cash rolled into a job at a restaurant, you know, but I had nothing,

nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. And had I, when I started standup, dwelled and thought about the fact that I'm crashing on my brother's couch. And then, um, you know, then I was renting out a couch in another buddy's living room. You know what I mean? Had I thought about how this isn't normal and you know, this sucks. I never would have been able to write another joke but and i had to write everything everything i've written i mean everything i wrote back then i wrote while completely broken struggling so it's like you gotta just ignore it and isn't it fascinating though that you can only really have that kind of position when you're young when you're young people accept it it seems normal

but if you found out that a dude was 40 and he was living on his brother's couch trying to make it as a comedian you're like oh you poor piece of shit that's a different situation well i you know i really never found what i was looking for until last year and i decided to quit my job i had a job at ups it was a good job i was in sales and and then boom this poor guy's on someone's couch trying to grind it out as a stand-up comic yeah you can't do it then for sure it's hard even when you're in the later 20s start getting into your 30s and people go oh come on man right might be time to might be time to bail on this yeah gotta do something gotta supplement that income somehow yeah the supplement the income that's one thing supplement the income, that's one thing,

but the idea of the grand struggle of trying to make it as an actor. Say someone's 45, they decide, I'm gonna be an actor. Good fucking luck, man. Good luck. You're gonna start at 45? Do you know how many fucking people are out there

trying to be actors? Most 45-year-olds are going to be auditioning against for the same part of a 45 year old have been acting for 25 years so yeah they started off as a teenager good luck beating them in your audition you know that's one thing that we have that we're so fortunate as a stand-up comic that you create your own stuff you deliver your own stuff you design it you execute it you produce it all of it is done by own stuff, you design it, you execute it, you produce it. All of it is done by Tony Hinchcliffe. When you get up there, it's 100% a Tony Hinchcliffe production.

Whereas if you were even in a band, you'd have to deal with all the other dudes in the band, and, you know, man, when am I going to do my drum solo? Like, oh, this fucking drum solo. Having to decide the words of the lyrics and when the... All that stuff. That's why bands can't last at all. All my buddies that were supposed to be

huge rock star, the couple friends that I had that are gurus on an electric guitar can play it. This, this, behind the back, everything. And they can play anything. They're still in Youngstown rotating new band members every one to two years hey tone check out my new band this is

a computer box dreams hey check out my new band this is a buddha's mystery check out my new band brick wall extreme you know it's like dude brick wall extreme yeah it's like, you gotta go solo. Get rid of these rubes and yeah, it's tough. A band's crazy. You think of a movie, people don't realize every single credit that they see at the end of a movie is somebody that could have ruined

the movie. If they don't pull their weight, if the script supervisor sucks, that could ruin a great editor's work or vice versa. You know what I mean? An editor can ruin a director. A director can ruin a producer. Everybody has to pull their weight.

Whereas with stand-up, it's a one-man machine. Yeah, and it's also like you travel light. You don't need a bunch of shit that you have to take with you to the airport. You know, it's just so much. It's still hard to do, but at least you get undeniable. Like you can get good. Like there's guys that we know that are totally broke, that are open micers, that hang around with us. Like they're in the same group like when you show up at the comedy clubs and then there's shows

and there's open mic shows and there's regular shows there's bringer shows like everybody interacts with each other we interact with guys that are just starting out we interact with guys that have been doing it for years and if you're fucking good man if you get those three minutes and you crush those three minutes people want to put you on your show. And it might take a few years, but a couple years later, you're crushing. You're doing 10 minutes. You're crushing. You're doing 15 minutes.

You're crushing. You're bombing. You come back better. You crush. You write. You keep doing it. You get undeniable. But if you're in a band, you're never undeniable.

Right. Because there's some music that you are not interested in. If you were a guy who wants to be a fucking country music guy, you can make music all day. But if you're in the wrong place, if they don't like your kind of stuff, you never become undeniable. But you can make people laugh. It's pretty universal.

If you're a good comic and you have 300 people there those 300 people might have widely different tastes when it comes to what kind of music they like what kind of food they eat but you can get all 300 of them to laugh with something they've never heard before to get all 300 of them to really, truly enjoy a song? Very hard. Yeah, yeah. It's tough working with other people. That's really the thing. Being in a band is hard, man.

I can't even imagine having to put up with somebody's artistic opinion for everything that you're going to end up representing. Somebody telling you what they think? Yeah, I'm trying to text Dom Herrera to see if I can get him to send us that song so we can close with it. What did he do? He wrote a song?

Yeah. Does he sing in it? Yeah. And it sounds really professional. It sounds like a real song that you would hear. It's really weird. Really? Yeah.

Dom Irera? He's good, dude. I'm telling you. I didn't even know he was in that realm whatsoever. Neither did I. It sounds like a joke. He's always been a Beatles fan. Oh, yeah.

I mean, he's always been into music, but it's fucking good. Like, I was like, whoa, this is weird. But he's such a good comic. When someone's that good i would imagine that anything that he does essentially could be great you know what i mean all you have to do is focus on it trying to get him to quit drinking he uh he brought it up i didn't bring it up he brought it up yesterday he's like i drink too much i wake up every day drunk well it's good better than what he said the first time he was on where he was talking about pills all the time and stuff remember that xanax xanax still on that but he takes the xanax in the

morning and then uh by the time the xanax wears out that's when he hits the booze wow he's so funny he's hilarious it was so fun having you and him on kill tony together at the ice house yeah we were talking about that we were talking about how fun that is yeah yeah that's the one of the most beautiful thing also about comedy is the camaraderie yeah fucking around with other comedians you know like when we're on the road dude i mean we do all these gigs together and it's it's annoying that you got to go to airport to hotel this that but it's fun we're laughing oh yeah what'd you say about sacramento oh yeah i said uh sacramento said Sacramento is a puppy mill for porn stars. It's just where they just kick them out.

These chicks just come out wearing little sweatpants that say juicy on the back, cute little butts and too little of a shirt, strolling through the airport, all looking like they're taking the next flight to L.A. just to land directly in the valley. There's a certain look when you go to Burbank, if you leave Burbank to Vegas, you can play that game, which one's a stripper?

You can play that game, which girls are going to the Rhino? There's a lot of gals that live in LA and go to Vegas and make a shit ton of money there over the weekend and then fly back to la and i'm not hating i'm not mad at them right but it's fun to pick them out yeah and it's pretty easy too they always wear droopy sweatpants like they're playing it down like we're not supposed to notice yeah right yeah yeah they don't wear like sexy clothes i'm probably so tired of dudes fucking standing at their box. Right. Well, all the ugly girls, they try to dress up.

And those ones try to dress down, but it's too obvious because they try too hard to dress down. Oh, I'm just wearing a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, you know. Yeah, it's important. They're giving up their hand, right? But sweatpants are hot on a girl. Super cute. You see that little butt flap where the cloth sort of curls up right underneath the butt cheeks? A girl in sweatpants is so much better than a hot chick in jeans.

You know what I mean? I mean, I'm saying both hot chicks, but I'm saying I'd prefer a hot chick in sweatpants than jeans because it's not the same. You can't feel the... Well, if you grab a girl's ass in sweatpantspants it feels like you're grabbing a girl's ass or if you grab a girl's ass and tight jeans it's like you're holding on to something that's restrained right you know it's like like a straight jacket yeah you got a straight jacket on your pussy right thick thick canvas straight jacket that you've stuffed your fucking box into yeah you know your

legs are skin tight like girls never wear like like these kind of jeans like loose jeans nobody wears those right they wear jeans where they can barely walk yeah they're just shoved into them yeah how often you see a girl with baggy jeans it's super super rare. I don't know. When is the last time I saw Esther Pivitsky? I haven't heard a fucking peep about her. What's going on with little Esther? Last time I heard she was working with a Nicole Richie. She's doing a lot of MTV stuff. Isn't that right?

Yeah. Tony talks to her more probably. What is she doing? She just made a pilot and she's she's uh she's working it just doing her thing doing spots at the store what's the big pause and look down look up big pause look down look up just admiring this glowing rock there's some uh there's a uh a thing that I tweeted earlier today that in a one of its kind study an international team of

neuroscientists and robotic engineers have demonstrated the viability of direct brain to brain communication in humans and recently published in some study in PLOS one

the novel findings describe a successful transmission of some study in PLOS1. The novel findings describe the successful transmission of information via the internet between the intact scalps of two human subjects located 5,000 miles apart. Whoa. They wanted to find out

if one could communicate directly between two people by reading out the brain activity from one person and injecting brain activity into the second person. And to do so across great physical distances by leveraging existing communication pathways. That's fucking nuts, man. Whoa. So what they're essentially saying is through the internet they're sending information directly from brain to brain so what we were talking about earlier yeah that's real like they are they

literally are going to be able to directly transmit like i'm going to be able to look at you and send you a message i won't even be able to say have to say anything i'll send you a message and that message is going to go to your brain like i'll have an idea like check out this motherfucker it's it's going to show up in your brain check out this motherfucker and you're like exactly we're not even going to have control over overthinking a hundred years from now they're just going to create tools who are they though they are going to be subject to the same shit that we're subject to like this idea that there's a giant cabal of people that are going to be able to control idea that there's a giant cabal of people that are going to be able to control this.

That might be the most ridiculous aspect of conspiracy theories. One of the most ridiculous aspects of conspiracy theories. That Russian oligarchy thing really happened. You said that. And that's why I'm wondering. That's murder, dude. They murdered a bunch of people. That's a lack of communication.

They killed people. Oh. I mean, this is in the 90s. This is pre-internet that all this shit went down. Right. I mean, the internet is essentially what's blowing back against them right now. Yeah. But that's more like a fucking Game of Thrones type scenario.

Right. Than it is someone not being able to control information software or information technology like this. Mm-hmm. You know, this is a completely different sort of a thing. like this you know this is a completely different sort of a thing i just wonder i wonder what we're going to be like a thousand years from now we're going to be completely unrecognizable the concept of what life is going to be unrecognizable and the idea of privacy is going to be hilarious yeah yeah yeah it's going to be hilarious. There's no privacy.

Stop. We're the last people to experience privacy. Until something happens, until there's some sort of a crash, like a civilization crash, like asteroidal impact, super volcano, massive earthquake, some power shutdown, where things go back to normal, we're going to be the last people that experience privacy like real true privacy yeah have you ever gone somewhere where you got no cell phone signal and like stayed there for days

yeah where? Joshua Tree but you can get phones out there not with Sprint you can't is that true? Dude. You guys with AT&T making calls?

Did you get jealous? Same thing at the comedy store. My phone barely works there. Yeah, but that's because the comedy store is a vortex. Yeah. There's something going on there. You could have full fucking four bars when you drive up that Hyatt parking lot, and then you look at your phone once you step into the fucking hollowed walls.

It's so true. It is. It's the paint. It's so true. It is. It's the paint. It's so true. Even the parking lot. Even the parking lot. There's nothing. Did you know that Pauly's trying to get people to stop smoking pot there?

I heard a rumor of this. I haven't seen it directly. I actually talked to Pauly yesterday for a moment in the parking lot. I'm pretty sure I was smoking pot while talking to him. How's he doing? You know, he's Pauly. He's a character, man. Indeed.

So like Donald Duck or... Yeah. Like The Undertaker. Are they really going to try to do that? Try to get people to stop smoking pot at a comedy club that's just absolutely impossible that is something that could never be done at the comedy store the last thing they want is their entire uh lineup out on the sidewalk smoking pot because they're not allowed to smoke pot wherever they want. Allowed to.

Hilarious. Maybe they should have a smoking lounge like they do at the airport. They do have a smoking lounge at the Comedy Store. It's called Everywhere Around the Comedy Store and inside of it. Maybe they should have a card. You swipe it. You have a little membership. You go in.

It's a hot box. Everybody's in there barbecued. You go in there. Have you ever passed those smoking things? Especially in Europe like you don't realize how much people smoke in other countries holy shit like i was in germany i took these photos of it because it didn't seem real and it had all these warnings on it like this smoking station where you could go into this literally this glass box that they created at the airport. These people went in, and it was filled with smoke. It was so bizarre.

We stopped. It was me and Eddie Bravo. We stopped, and we looked at it. We were like, look in there. This is crazy. These fucking people, they're all surrounding themselves with each other's smoke. They're just sitting there. It was really creepy.

I remember being at the denver airport or somewhere some airport a few years ago and i'm at a layover and i saw one of those and i went inside and it was exactly like the waiting room from beetlejuice like all these creepy like people with like something missing or like something weird and they're just slowly smoking it's awful remember that waiting room from beetlejuice where the guy sprinkles dust on the guy's head and it shrinks beetlejuice holds up by the way does it oh god michael keaton michael keaton's best work tim burton's best work perhaps danny elfman's best work well michael keaton's best work um and you've seen batman and this is yeah yeah that's also tim, well, that's also Tim Burton.

I mean, they went into that post-Beetlejuice. Two different characters, by the way. I mean, like, you know, they're both amazing works of art and two different takes from Michael Keaton. What was the Michael Keaton one where he played a dude that was like there's a hundred of them? Multiplicity.

Oh, God, it's so funny. Is it? Oh, it's so funny. Is it good? Oh, yeah. What about the other one johnny dangerously yeah wasn't he in that yeah i don't think i've seen that though him and joe piscopo i've heard good things about it but i don't think my mother hung me up on a hook once

michael keaton's a monster and you i read a great interview about him yesterday he lives in montana now hunts every day really has dogs goes to diners you know just lives a normal cool life and people just sort of like oh nice to meet you mr keaton yeah i'm glad that you live in the neighborhood and he lives like this low profile but he hunts every day and writes and is always on the phone and is looking for the next gig but doesn't want to do any take in just anything does he still act? Oh, yeah. Huh. When he finds the thing that he's interested in. I haven't seen him in anything in a long time.

You know, it's weird when you see a guy like that, and they kind of fade out a little bit. Yeah. Well, he's sort of chilling. I'm pretty sure he's, you know, I'm pretty sure he likes living the mellow life. What are you showing us Brian? That's the Montana

What is that? That's Michael Keaton's movie? Yeah Yeah that's what I read Does it say human foibles? What? Human foibles give Birdman its super human wings Foibles is a weird word to use

Have you ever had anybody use it in a conversation? I don't even know what that means And I'm a wordsmith I'm in the writer's guild How can you be a wordsmith and don't know what foibles means i have no idea i'm an honest wordsmith foibles is a minor weakness or eccentricity in someone's character they have to tolerate each other's foibles joe you don't remember this part in that movie we were just talking about?

Your testicles and you. No, I don't remember. I don't remember Johnny Dangerously that much. It was really funny. I kind of remember that now that I'm seeing it. Yeah, it's just like guys walking around with huge balls. It's guys with like... Oh, yeah.

It's guys whose balls grow too big? Is that the idea? Yeah, I think so. That is real, man. You ever seen those poor fucks where their balls swell up to the size of... They've had them on television before. Ari's got a weird nut. Yeah. You ever seen Ari's ball? One ball? Has he ever gone to the doctor about his

ball? I might just have rampant cancer. Ignoring it. remember that video wait on the end of Jew clam it showed out and they had like Skittles in it it looked like a bunch of like weird no I don't have really any intense recollections of his balls it's a weird time period you're saying Ari's balls look like they had Skittles in them yeah if you look at Jew claim did you taste the rainbow? Smelled the rainbow. He couldn't help himself.

Can't help himself. Yeah, there's a, I think he's in Michigan. Yeah. Who? Michael Keaton. Montana. Is it Montana? Yeah.

I read the amazing interview in Esquire, Michael Keaton. I mean, it's crazy. I couldn't believe how good it was. I read it yesterday. Really? Oh, so good. This guy's living a cool life, man. And he's just a cool dude. This journalist, you know, explains it like, when I got the assignment, here's what happened. And I talked to Michael Keaton's manager, and here's what he told me I should look into before I meet him. Next thing you know, I'm on a plane, and Michael Keaton's calling me at 6.30 a.m. Like, I hope it's not too early. I'll meet you for lunch.

Like, Michael Keaton's just the man, pretty much, you know. You're a big fan. Oh, come on. If anybody born in 1984, if you don't like Michael Keaton, then you know what? Get out of the world. Go to the ocean and just swim the direction not of land just keep swimming until you're nothing if you're if you're anti michael keaton you're anti everything that's

good beetlejuice the best batman multiplicity what. What is it, that movie he played? There was him and it was a couple that was renting him an apartment. And he didn't want to leave. Remember? And he was like some crazy scammer. It was like San Francisco. It was about San Francisco. Because San Francisco has like insane real estate. Remember that?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll find it. He, yeah, it was like like i forget the name of it but i think it was with the dude from vision quest 2 did you ever see that movie vision quest the original vision quest the wrestling movie yeah yeah matthew modine yeah remember shoot i think he was in that movie wow night shift no no um i'll find it the squeeze it was like Pacific something or another Pacific Heights yeah that's it that's it that was a good fucking movie he's been a lot of he was in Noah's Ark the new beginning he was a voice of Noah

what kind of a piece of shit was that movie is that the one we watched no we tried to watch you should say we tried to watch the new noah movie with russell crowe holy shit was that bad and he only watched part of what was bad you didn't want you gave up yeah we all gave up jamie gave up too but i hung in there i fucking took more blows than both of you i tapped it was gross it was so bad and then it got to like so it became at first it was like there was like monsters and stuff like rock monsters and bad people and it was it was so like predictable and goofy but then when it got on the boat and when they were dealing with the flood then it became like this weird you know sort of

like when walking dead got all about people you know and everybody got kind of bummed out it's just like interpersonal between people that's what it is on this stupid boat with noah you would think this story would have a better arc but you can't help yourself i really can't help. You can't help yourself. I can't. So what's new in Tony Hinchcliffe's life? What's cracking? What do you got going on? Just having fun, man.

Just did a lot of touring with you. I'm really excited about some little things coming up, a little few writing projects that I already sort of pitched and waiting for the good word for that. But really, I'm most excited about Kill Tony. I care about it a lot, and I love it. That should be a TV show. It really should. I just love it.

We're having so much fun every Monday. The last 10 episodes have been our best episodes. It's running like a machine. The room is packed every Monday. There's buzz. I feel like it's just fun and cool, and it's... I'm bringing it to Columbus, Ohio, too. Yeah.

Are you guys going to do it live? Yeah. Now, when you do it live you can use local comics yeah how many comics do you have in Columbus yeah how many when I used to do open mic there there was at least 50 comics that would sit there and all we would all have to audition in front of other comics just to do three minutes no shit 50 yeah there was a lot back then wow i had no idea so many people uh you know ask i get a tweet a day at least hey bring it to vancouver how you how do you pick like if for folks who don't know how the show works everybody goes up and does a minute how many comics do you have on a show uh well usually about 20 to 30 sign up and usually about 12 to 15 get on.

And you decide how many go on how? It just depends. See, that's the part of the format that's a little bit more loose is how long we spend on each person is totally dependent on how we feel with them up there. Right. So for folks who don't know, the person does a minute and then the professional comics goof on them. the person does a minute and then the professional comics goof on them oh we talked to them about and maybe maybe we try to coax them into writing a new bit by asking them questions about their life where they're from babbity bah or or goof on them or goof on them right we had a guy wearing what looked like cum stained shorts on for his first movie he's like i came here all the way

from tuscaloosa alabama to do my first set of stand-up and he's like wearing these terrible shorts and of course i going to light him up. He probably lives in Silver Lake and it's a character he's working on. He's probably totally fake. He's probably a hipster. Just fucking with you. Just decided to make an art piece out of doing really bad, obvious stand-up. We used to make fun of people a lot harder.

Really? Yeah. What changed? Death threats? No. Violence itself? No, I think the show is a lot harder. Really? Yeah. What changed? Death threats? No. Violence itself? No, I think the show is a little bit cooler and more positive,

and something that I found out through the show, because I like making fun of people and roasting. It's definitely a part of my whatever toolbox, but I think the show organically grew. I think it's more satisfying to give for somebody to come up with something that's genuinely funny and only they can do and try to figure out what that is in a short allotted amount of time it's like watching a baby being born like a little comedy baby like if you know whatever the guy's an indian guy from whatever and it turns out to be i don't know

we just had sinbad also on recently and jeff garland which and you guys did that at the comedy store right yeah nice yeah we do we've done most of the episodes out of there every monday eight o'clock at the comedy store and if anybody wants to sign up how far in advance they have to get there? That day. That day. Yep. Just show up, do it. Just show up.

That's the same way with the open mic there, right? Still? Yep. It's one of the few places like that. Like, the Laugh Factory, you sign up, but you have to wait in line, and then you're waiting in line for, like, the next week, right? Yeah. So crazy.

Yeah. It's like, let's just torture people. They're not going to work for free for you. Right. Yeah. Well, the idea is, like going to work for free for you. Right. Yeah. Well, the idea is to make them work hard for some reason. Make them earn it. Yeah.

I don't get it. You could just as easily have them go up that day. And why do you have to have them wait in line? Make them sign up and then pick from the people that sign up. That's the same reason the Laugh Factory does everything that they do. Because they think a line outside of their place makes them look busy that's how they do it that's why they don't they'd rather not sell drinks on a patio or on a back bar and upstairs or in anything they'd rather make it look like it's busy by putting a little line around the

front that's their whole trick yeah oh yeah we got there's something happening look there's people waiting on a sidewalk you know those are young comics standing in 95 degree heat for no reason for five hours a day literally for hours and hours people will get there yeah i've passed by there uh i did dom irera's podcast and it was during the day and there was a bunch of people that were there also actually eliza's podcast i did out of there was during the day and there was a bunch of people that were there. It was actually Eliza's podcast I did out of there recently during the day. There was a bunch of people there

just sitting there for no fucking reason and they have to stay there. Which is like ensuring someone that they can't make a living. Right. Like you don't require anything of them. Why are you making them stay there?

Right. How hard is it to... Jesus, Jamie Masada. This is two days in a row we've been talking shit about you. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's the first 15 people or whatever that get there, but they'll make them wait all day. Buddy's very important, buddy.

We have to get them to sit. You know, we have system. We teach. We teach them. They do good jobs. They do what we tell them. You should get him on the podcast, Joe. Nope.

I did a podcast with him and Dom Herrera if you want to listen to it. I love Jamie. Don't get me wrong. I do love the guy. And the guy is responsible for keeping open one of the top clubs in the country. That club is one of the best clubs in LA, which makes it one of the best clubs in the country. Why are you making that face? What did you want to say?

No? No. I don't like it. You don't like it? I don't think the colors yellow and blue and orange belong anywhere near. Because you're a dark man with a dark soul. You're damn right, baby. That's why you should be dressed in gold, dancing around, going,

The Undertaker streak has been broken! I can't believe it! So silly. You're right, though. There's something about comedy like dark. Dark seems to be like... Yeah, give me a low ceiling, pitch it black, dark. Just a mic and a mic stand, a stool, that's all I fucking want.

Speaking of which, you're going to be at the Comedy Works. You're going to get a date there at a headline after you work there with me. Yeah, amazing. Yeah, I was so happy I picked that place. She's the best. That's the spot. Yeah, Wendy's awesome. Yeah.

She really is. But that club is also like the perfect setup, like literally the perfect setup for comedy. Totally. Hanging out with her was really interesting because uh you know i i never really got to hang with mitzi and you know i know it's two different people and everything but the amazing maternal energy that i felt from her and like love of stand-up comedy made me feel like i sort of got it from like being a comedy store guy but

in a post-mitziere like it was amazing to get to hang with a powerful comedy woman like that yeah she's awesome yeah there's only a few people like that in the country that are responsible for scenes you know like the the comedy scenes in cities can be directly dependent upon like a single club sometimes like cap city is like a big one for austin like that's another place we worked at recently that that's like the hub that's the big spot in austin that is the big club in austin texas and there's like a few of those all across the country it's kind of amazing that they haven't like tried to move in with an improv in austin like how how's the improv missed on austin texas i mean they have one in

houston but it doesn't it's kind of in a sketch neighborhood apparently but there's no more other like there's no more independent club in houston anymore there used to be the laugh stop which is like the one of the greatest of all time. That club, the Laugh Stop, was responsible for Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison, even Janine Garofalo, I think, did a lot of her early stuff out of the Laugh Stop. It was just a completely different kind of club. That one club defined that whole town's comedy scene houston at one point in time was like one of the best comedy scenes in the country like some of the best up-and-coming young talent was coming out of houston it was weird but that club goes under that one club goes under and then the whole thing just kind of like drifts off it's hard it's hard to

keep a scene so when you find someone like w, you've got to appreciate the fuck out of them. Yeah. And I love that, you know, I mean, anybody who would see me talking a bunch of crazy, dark, evil stuff before you and go, hey, you're cool. You want to do a weekend here? Like, it's like, wow. What are you talking about? You're funny. Yeah, but, you know, everybody's always looking for an excuse why to not. Even though it's funny, it's like, if everybody's always like, oh, you know everybody's always looking for an excuse why to not even

though it's funny it's like if everybody's always like oh you know yeah so dark you know why don't you why don't you do some more I keep saying so dark you're just funny man you know it's not like it's disgusting or I'm ridiculous like do you you you looking down on your own act or something like what are you doing like so dark so dark I just you're not that dark well i always get told people's theories on why this and why that i don't know why things aren't happening is that what you're saying right what are you talking to agents managers yeah those those people you shouldn't you shouldn't talk to them you know what my manager told me the other day please tell me he goes you need to you need to not be so much

of a wrestling villain like you're like you need to not be so much of a wrestling villain like you're like you're like a pro wrestling villain and i don't think that goes well with stand-up comedy nobody's ever done that before and i go do you hear what you just said i go nobody's ever done that before you just said it he's an idiot get a new one you can't you can't tell someone they're too much of an anything he doesn't have any idea why you're funny no one has any idea why you're funny other than you and that sounds ridiculous but you're absolutely right the only people that can help you are other pro comics that work with you that kind of see things they go maybe if you're this or maybe if you're that and then you take it into

consideration and knowing it's coming from someone who actually knows what they're talking about but someone who's never done stand-up trying to tell you what does or does not make you funny, they can't do it. They can't do it. It's just a wasted conversation. Buddy, you should be Generation X guy. Go on stage. Everything come out of your mouth is about Generation X.

Jamie Masada actually said that to one of my friends. You know what Jamie told me. I've told you this, right? I have the best one ever. Please. You used to have to do the, you'd wait You know what Jamie told me. I've told you this, right? I have the best one ever. Please. You used to have to do the, you'd wait for hours to do the open mic, and then you go,

everybody, if you want, if you stick around after the open mic, you can go up to Jamie, and the owner of the live factory, Jamie will give you his advice on your career. What did he say to you? Buddy, buddy, very funny. You wear a cowboy hat, you make it.

Come back with cowboy hat. I put you on stage. So did you? I took... I didn't go back there. There you are. There's a cartoon, you're already in it. No, it's me.

You're gonna die. Did you think about it? Like thinking if you came back with a cowboy hat, at least you'd get another spot? No. That'd be a funny bit if you had a fucking cowboy hat that you kept in your trunk just when you did the Laugh Factory. That's a great idea.

It's fucking Jamie, remember me? It's Tony Hinchcliffe. I took your advice, got the hat, cowboy hat. Shit's been booming.

Do you ever do the Laugh Factory? Yeah. Do it when I do Dom's show. I'm doing it next Tuesday before I do Ari's TV show. I'm going to warm up at the Laugh Factory

Tuesday night, tell my story at the Laugh Factory and then go do Ari's TV show. I'm going to warm up at the Laugh Factory Tuesday night, tell my story at the Laugh Factory, and then go do Ari's Storyteller Show. Next Tuesday, the 9th, in Hollywood. Miss Pat will be in town. Yeah! All right, ladies and gentlemen, this fucking podcast is over. You can find Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter. His Twitter handle is TonyHinchcliffe.

It should say Super Twink in the title, but it does not. I don't understand. I've went looking, but it just doesn't seem to be up there. Super Twink. Come see me, Red Band and Tiffany Haddish in Michigan, Columbus, and Phoenix.

Phoenix. So look for those dates. Yeah, go to DeathSquad.TV for all that information. Tony Hinchcliffe is T-O-N-Y-H-I-N-C-H-C-L-I-F-F-E on Twitter. And what's your website? TonyHinchcliffe.com. And please listen to the Kill Tony. If you haven't listened to Kill Tony, why don't you start with your pal Joe Rogan and Dom Irere.

I believe it's episode 48 for some reason. Enjoy it, you fucks. And thanks to our sponsors. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you to ZipRecruiter. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan and you can post jobs

for free by going to ZipRecruiter.com forward slash Rogan. And with one click, you can get your job up at 50-plus job sites, including Craigslist, LinkedIn, and Twitter, all with a single click. So thank you to them, and thanks also to DraftKings. Go to DraftKings.com. Enter in the code word ROGAN to get a free entry into week one. Five million dollar kickoff bash.

What did I say? I said five million dollars, you dirty fuck. So go to DraftKings.com. Enter in the promo code ROGAN. And thanks also to Onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements. Alright, we'll be back next week. Until then,

enjoy your life, you dirty fucks. Big kiss.