The Joe Rogan Experience - #563 - David Choe

Episode Date: October 16, 2014

David Choe is an American painter, muralist, graffiti artist and graphic novelist from Los Angeles, CA. Check out his podcast at DVDASA.com

yeah that's how i like to open up my show dude you're fucking these instagram things that you're doing these hong dynasty things what are you doing that shit is hilarious you and bobby lee and these 15 second clips i'm i'm hooked i don't know what you're doing but i'm laughing my dick off um i don't i mean first of all people always like to like it's publicly known that i'm wealthy because of the new york times and all the shit that came out the facebook stuff yeah so people always like whenever i do anything to preface it with well if i was rich or if i had your fuck you money or if you know and i go this shit most of everything i do costs little or nothing like the hong dynasty is okay so instagram comes out and what vine is like seven seconds right i don't have vine but vine is seven seconds instagram's 15 seconds we're old guys when i go hang out with

my nephews and stuff and they're like teenagers like they won't even watch a one minute youtube clip it's true if it doesn't get their attention, they're like, or they'll just, they'll watch it with the bar. Just fast forward, fast forward, you know? So I said, let's just fuck around. We filmed this thing on our iPhone and, uh, it's just, you know, Bob, Bobby Lee's actually an actor or, you know what, before we get started, let me just say i was on joe's show last time and it ended with me saying it was a dumb idea but i was like i'm i'm extremely unhealthy i'm out of shape i

have like mercury poisoning high blood pressure high cholesterol all that shit i just got diabetes and i said i'm gonna have diabetes whatever i mean everyone's everyone's gonna have it soon but uh uh i said i'm gonna what did i say i was gonna spend a year to get trained and i want to have like a ufc fight or some shit like that and you were explaining to me how dumb it was yes bobby lee's brother steve lee who's 40 years old who's one of those guys he's he's like a thousand times funnier than bobby without trying like bobby's like a professional comedian steve just he's just a funny crazy guy he's one of the he's a got a sort of al bondi thing where he's 40 and he talks about how he could have been state champ if just if he

just did this one arm bar or something right he um and he works at or he used to work at this place fat sals in hollywood part-time as a sandwich guy and i hired him to be on my show full time and and he started slacking it was what i thought would happen and i said all right you and me are gonna go into this room and we're gonna wrestle and you're basically wrestling for your job you're doing wrestling and i'm doing judo and i outweigh him by 60 pounds he's like a little like tiny asian guy right and i'm like yeah i used to do judo and um my friend was like dude don't underestimate him because you know he was almost state champ i'm like that was like over

20 years ago he's like but yeah those little wrestling guys you know um you can't fuck with them and then his brother was the referee so bobby says dave my brother you, he's very relaxed and lazy about things until you challenge his pussy or money. So Steve's on the Hong Dynasty. He's a crazy guy. He's always good natured. He's always funny. When I told him, if you don't win this, you're going back to fat sows. And the job he has for me right now is like, they're like, what do you need to hire Steve

Lee for? What does he do? I'm like, I literally send him all over the world to fuck as many whores as possible. Like that's his job. That's his job right now. Having sex with prostitutes. Yeah. I send him, I send him like him, basically him and, uh, this guy, Bill Poon, he's 53

years old. I sent them to Macau. They're the Macau brothers now. Bill Poon. He's 53 years old. I sent them to Macau. They're the Macau brothers now. And Bill on his normal job when he's not on my show is he drives hookers around. He's the number one whore transporter in Los Angeles.

I think he put 290,000 miles on his Prius. And I said, do the math and he has delivered 6,000 hookers to their Johns. Wow. And I go, that makes you the number one whore transporter maybe there's a guy out there that's just fucking doing meth and staying up all night

he's trying to break that record well he has he has he has his arch enemy and everything it's it's like yeah there's another guy um but he's like he's like uh what's that movie the transporter he's like the jason statham guy like he never tries to fuck the hookers he's super yeah he's serious about it he's got like um baby wipes and condom he's like he's like he takes the job seriously right he's not does any creepy shit so him him and steve i go hey you guys you know everyone hears stories about like the underground sex world and macau and this why don't you go and investigate and by investigate i mean fuck all hey you guys you know everyone hears stories about like the set underground uh sex world in macau and this why don't you go and investigate and by investigate i mean fuck all of them and

so i send them to macau we record the whole thing that's that's going to be called the macau brothers and we're going to put that up on dvd asa whatever but uh so go back to this wrestling match okay so so you guys is it a submission thing are you yeah whoever pins well that's why i'm not a wrestler i'm a judo guy so so bobby's like bobby used to wrestle too so he's like i'll be the referee and yeah whoever whoever gets the first person down submit whatever they win you know but what is whatever like is it to tap out because if you get a jujitsu guy down it doesn't mean jack shit right That's when the game starts. But a judo guy is all about, what do you call it, Ippon?

When you slam a guy? Yeah. It was just, I guess, whoever gets someone in a hold that they can't get out of or something. Undefined. Undefined victories. Yeah, because just no punching or kicking. Okay. Just grappling.

And so, yeah, him working for me is not like sweeping the floor or whatever. Him working for me is getting to fuck really hot chicks. It's a great gig, essentially. His face changes. Because I'm like, yeah. And I'm like, I'm probably still giving him his job even if, you know. And I go, all I'm going to do is let him fuck. He's like half my size you know half of my size like

Bobby size yeah but like way skinnier and I go I'll just let him fuck around and then I'll just flatten him and I'll just it'll be it'll look funny you know right in less than a minute he took me out he I go if you don't win right now you fucker you're losing your job his fit he goes red zone his face and I go oh fuck dude this guy's serious and then he comes at me and he's small but then he just like grabs my arm or something gets me down and I'm like oh whatever and then I can't get out of it and then he just puts all of his might into this hole and I'm just sitting there and I can't get out of it I'm like you know um also Akira she's just like I've never seen you look more like a pussy in your life and I'm like and I was sitting there thinking fuck dude I remember I told Joe that I was gonna do this shit like people have

that glamorous idea that they're gonna go and have an MMA fight and I would never discourage anybody from being an MMA fighter like I think you live and you die if you want to be a bull rider if you want to ride motocross if you want to drive Formula One race cars, all those things are dangerous. All those things are awesome. You know, live your life, man. I fought. I did it.

It's not, I mean, I fought in Taekwondo and I kickboxed. It's fucking stupid. I did it for free. There was no money involved in it. I had no insurance. I had no health insurance. So I would never tell someone don't do anything dangerous. But you can't, I don't think you should dabble in that

that's something like there's dudes that are doing it that i know that are like trying to make it in the ufc or have made it into the ufc that that's their fucking whole life man they get up in the morning they're doing their strength and conditioning they're running they're drinking wheatgrass juice and they're fucking taking all their amino acids and you're right joe i'm i'm not gonna dabble i'm gonna they made ufc their life i. You're right, Joe. I'm not going to dabble. They made UFC their life. I'm going to make a serious commitment to my diabetes. I'm going to make that my life.

I'm going to eat donuts. I'm going to fucking... Do you really have diabetes? I was pre-diabetic for the last four years. Just crossed over the line? Yeah, I just crossed over, and he's like, dude, with lots of complete nutritional diet change and lots of exercise, he's like, you can go back to not having diabetes,

but whatever. You would rather not? You'd rather just take insulin and just eat donuts? I know, it's horrible. That's so bad. Well, they say 50% of everyone that's being born in America today

will have diabetes. Why don't you do this? Since we're on the show, you and I are talking and we're friends. Why don't you hire someone? See, you got boatloads of cash. Hire someone to concoct a diet for you, to feed you. Hire someone that's a nutritionist that is going to concoct really healthy meals all day long, really low sugar.

And you'll cure that shit within a few months. I mean, you just met him right now, first of all. Critter? Yeah. Critter's going to do it? Well, this is what happens. When I made my money, naturally, I just don't trust people. So I made the rookie.

Naturally, before or after? Just always. I just don't trust people. So I just made the rookie mistake. You've heard the expression before, don't hire your friends and family. Yes. And I hired only my friends and family. And I was like, know hey i don't

know how to work a camera i don't care you're my cousin you have to you know right i just wanted everyone around me to be someone i trusted right and uh it just you don't get the level of work that you know like i work every night till seven eight in the morning still i don't have to but i do you know and you know without even because there's always in the morning. Still, I don't have to, but I do, you know? And, you know, without even, because there's always in the back of their mind, they're like, Dave's not going to fire me. Right. Like he's my cousin or he's my best friend.

Right. And then I was just sitting there going, how come I do have all this money and I hired all these guys and I'm overpaying the shit out of them and like I'm still at the office by myself, you know? So I fired everyone. I only hired people that are not my

friends and white and I said no more Asians I'm only hiring white people oh man that's crazy racist yeah very racist Asians are very hard workers as long as they're not your family I don't know I just I just wanted to it's first of all yeah it's very racist and I was like – But it's okay because you're – I want to try something different. I already rode the yellow train. I'm going to get on the white train, you know? And so I hired people that I'm not friends – I'm friendly with, but they're not my homies.

And then they were hired for specifically what their job was. Like if you're a trainer, then that's what I – you know, I'm not like, hey, I know you're not a trainer, but just do it. Right. And, uh, I found out with this next phase of the experiment that I immediately like befriended all of them. Like now they're all my best friends again. And, and even if I like critter, you know, I said, listen, I have diabetes. I, you know, and he's also also my bodyguard which everyone thinks is a joke

which is which it is most of the time but you know weird shit happens once in a while and I said look I I love eating

I'm friends with lots of chefs you know I go to a lot of restaurants you know I love I have a a piece of me that's like you remember

just having no money and going to a restaurant a nice restaurant for the first time and just like having that snooty you remember just having no money and going to a restaurant a nice restaurant for the first time and just like having that snooty you know looking at sushi menu and going like what's what's mp right like i didn't know because i've never been there and they're like that's market price sir and i'm like well how the fuck am i supposed right okay so this uh toro what is that they're like it's the fattest part of the tuna And it's $60 a piece You mean for the two pieces

No no no for one piece And I'm like $120 for two tiny fucking pieces of fish But you know I didn't have any money I'm like I'm not gonna get that And they're like yeah if you have to ask then you can't afford it And so now I have the money and I go Yeah motherfucker give me a hundred Toro What I'm like give me the whole fucking fish

And then it's like oh Tuna has the most amount of mercury. And, you know, the doctor checks my blood and he's like, you have so much mercury in your fucking blood. You know? Is that, that really happened to you? Yeah. Have you eaten that much sushi that you were getting mercury poisoning?

Well, I thought, I thought it was healthy. You know, the oceans are polluted to shit. So polluted. They're full, full of like radioactive waste and all this shit. And I like yeah i'm not eating uh hamburgers anymore and every meal costs 500 i'm rich motherfucker and it's like moderation for everything right you can't eat fish every day you know i was starting to get um what was it god damn it i forget the poisoning that i was getting from uh sardines yeah sardines have tons of arsenic yeah i was getting from uh sardines yeah sardines have tons of arsenic yeah i was getting arsenic sardines have tons of that shit it was a small amount it's a heavy metal

you know they're eating at the bottom of the ocean it's just fucking garbage down and once that shit gets in your blood it takes forever to get out you know it didn't take long i i yeah i got rid of the arsenic uh in a short amount of time just i just stopped eating sardines oh i was eating them every day wow yeah white trash i like sardines yeah i love sardines well i get i don't know about the arsenic but the they said i just because my hair started falling out and i couldn't you know i'm like i'm still relatively young but i just mercury was making your hair fall well it said for mercury poisoning it's like memory loss and like it's like i i'm like i have the same memory as my like 70 year old father who's like well you know i'm like people will do that hey

dave you just told that story and i'm like i'm like really and i'm like fuck and it's like i know that like it's like when you know something but you're feeling really dumb and i'm like why right where's what's this block and they're like dude your blood is like just full of it so wow so i told critter i said listen i need the kind of trainer that physically abuses me like you can put a finger in my ass if you have to he has huge hands i said here's the i think that's necessary i said here's the key to my house need a salad every single i know but i go i don't have that kind of discipline because i don't drink i don't do drugs and so food is my vice especially since i don't gamble anymore and it's like i love to eat and i love to eat late at night i like to have dinner number two

dinner number three so i said here's the key to my house i'm every single day i'm gonna come up with some excuse to not work out oh i gotta fuck this girl or i have a really important meeting with joe rogan or you know it's like i don't care you you have permission to come into my house physically drag me out of my bed punch me in my chest and get me to work out because i'm not gonna want to he's a big dude you know yeah well he's also this is the best part everyone's like you have a bodyguard you have that what a joke you have a bodyguard i go yeah in the last year my my two major injuries are from him like he almost broke my neck and he broke my ribs broken right now he broke my rib like two weeks ago uh when he just i don't know what that syndrome is like the when a parent loves their baby so much that they shake it and the baby dies like because he has the weekends off so when i see him he sees me and he picks me up and he always like hugs me broke your ribs by shaking you well he

hugged me and he was shaking me and while he was shaking me someone my friend david chang tripped him oh no but then he fell on top of me oh jesus christ and he's a big guy so i'm like yeah my my bodyguard that i paid to protect me hurts me broke your ribs and almost broke your neck how did he almost break your neck just when he shakes me like it's so violent that I'm like I'm like I feel like those Steven Seagal movies like dude one jerk and like my neck's gonna snap and he did it and uh and I couldn't turn my head this way for like two weeks and I was like like can can you like protect me and not hurt me? I don't know. Whatever.

What you need is someone who's a dietician. Someone who's going to be, you can hire a professional chef. Kevin James used to have this guy who worked for him. It was fantastic. He had this guy working for him all day. The guy would cook all these meals, and he would leave pre-prepared like really healthy meals in his refrigerator then he hired some woman to do it after that all right so i did that for a little bit like i got this uh see this is what i'm talking about i i don't remember the name of the service but they

deliver the meal every day okay there's a bunch of those yeah susan's healthy gourmet is one that i use for a while it's like yeah and i'm like cool i'm being first of all it's miserable the meal started to stack up in the in the refrigerator it's like oh like like inside i'd be like oh cool i did it i'm on this program right but then i weren't really eating but then i'd look at it or i'd look or i'd eat it and go oh cool i i ate good today and then like at three in the morning still go out and get the burrito and um so the thing I'm doing now, which I already can see, it's horrible. And everyone says it doesn't work. But now I'm sort of like stuck in this weird thing is I, it's like the whole, I want, I'm like, no one's like diets aren't going to work.

Right. Right. This has to be a lifestyle change. Right. Like you can't like go for three months eating salads and then be like, hey, I got my weight down. I got my cholesterol down. I got my diabetes down.

And then going back to it, it's like you have to have, but I'm like, but I love food. Like I love eating. And so the thing I'm doing now, which I didn't have put too much research into is chewing and spitting. There's. I know guys who did that with meat there's some mma fighters like diego sanchez was doing that for a while he wouldn't eat meat he would just chew it up it's horrible for you spit it is it really it's horrible for you because

first of all so you get like so stomach acids yeah i'll order like three entrees i'll get spaghetti fried chicken steak i'll get pie i order everything. It's just like Roman times gluttony to the max, right? And I'll have like, the worst is if it's at a nice restaurant, because then they don't have the, they have like cloth napkins. And I'm like, can you bring some more of those paper napkins? And I'm sitting there and I'm like, and I'm just chewing everything, getting all the flavor out of it. And then I'm spitting it, which the mouth, as soon as it starts chewing and making saliva,

the stomach starts making acid to prepare for the food to come down. But if the food never comes down, there's just like acid in your stomach, you know? And also, when you eat, all the sugar already goes into your, like before it hits your stomach, you know? Yeah. So I'm eating all this food at like nice restaurants and chewing it and spitting in the napkins and then and then putting it like on the plate and then like the dudes comes so is there is there something wrong with the meal i'm like no no it's delicious it's fucking amazing and then you know you're looking for shortcuts bro

i'm looking for shortcuts you can't do that why don't you just hire a real trainer not not critter but hire someone who's like a real trainer not not critter but hire someone who's like a real legit strength conditioning trainer who's gonna put you through some stuff if you really want to do something that's fun critter you're fired you should take a martial art yeah i guess i mean you did judo why don't you get into jujitsu i think i need a hot chick how would that work for the trainer because i'll be motivated you're just gonna want to fuck her well and then if you can't fuck her you want to bring other girls hotter around to show her that you can fuck them like listen bitch i can fuck them why can't i fuck you and then it'll become some weird ego thing and joe

having an eating disorder is the number one thing to like bond with hot chicks because they all have one it's like i'm like should i go uh anorexic or chewing and spitting or bulimia and they're like well i tried but i'm like cool i'm bonding it's like all of a sudden like this super boring anorexic or chewing and spitting or bulimia. And they're like, well, I tried bulimia. I'm like, cool, I'm bonding. It's like all of a sudden, this super boring dumb girl is all like, oh, yes. But a lot of CrossFit chicks, they don't have eating disorders.

If you get like a strength and conditioning type gal. You're right, Joe. I do have butt loads of money. I got to figure out, not a shortcut. I just need to figure out to make, not cure cancer, not cure AIDS, some kind of delicious food that you can eat every day. You can't do that. This is the thing.

The more you suffer, the more you'll enjoy pleasure. You are a glutton for pleasure, my friend. You love the pleasure. Check this out. So my Japanese business partner, I work with this company, Good Smile. It's not legal in america yet but he has he smokes he drinks he eats all this shit i don't even know what this process is called you might have heard of it but he it once a month this is like real

rich guy shit he gets all like a lot of his blood taken out and then they do shit to it like they make it into super blood and then he puts it back into him and then all everything goes down his his you know and i go what is that and they're like it's not it's not fda whatever test it's not in america yet and so well i do this thing called regenequin and i had it done today actually my shoulder's been bothering me they you take they take your blood out right and they uh spin it in a centrifuge and apply heat to it. And so your blood thinks like it has a fever, and it creates this anti-inflammatory response. It creates this yellow serum, and then they extract the yellow serum out of your blood,

and then they inject it directly in the areas where you have inflammation. It's really good for injuries, but it's also like when you do it, like I did it today, your energy, you just feel great. You feel great right now. Yeah. Dana White told me about it because he has an inner ear infection, an issue rather called Meniere's disease. And it's from, he got beat up one time when he was young by a bunch of guys.

And he gets this tinnitus like ringing in his ear and it fucks with his balance and shit. And it's all inflammation. Well, they figured out a way to inject this serum made out of your blood, and it totally cured it for him. He went through surgeries. He was on medication. He did a bunch of shit that really fucked with him. But this stuff, instead of fucking with him, it uses your own blood, and it made him feel fantastic.

And he used to have to go to Germany for it. And I was going to fly to Germany to go do this, but then they started opening these places around. Now they have one, Lifespan Medicine in Santa Monica. Iica i did it this morning well this is what i'm talking about joe it's like i get the whole like you need to suffer to like you know but but that's for injuries i know but it's like do you have any injuries you could use as an excuse to get this i'm just saying like the the way technology is going now like you're covered in tattoos but like you know in five years they're gonna have some ray that just gets rid of all your tattoos. They already do. They have lasers.

Right, but it's not good right now. Well, it's painful. But it'll get, and they'll make it so it's not, they're going to have everything soon. So I'm like, do I need to really switch my eating habits? Or are they going to make some Oculus Rift fake hamburger where I'm like, oh yeah, it's delicious. And I don't know. This is my take on it. I think gluttony and eating like lots of delicious food is fun right but feeling like

shit is not fun and what i like to do is have cheat days what i like to do is i eat real like this is what i've eaten today so far i had a blended juice drink which was like celery uh ginger carrot uh cucumber i'm trying to remember all the cayenne pepper uh oregano oil lemon all this stuff fantastic for you right that's what i had for breakfast and the only thing i i um ate this morning is two-day unshaved pussy lips and slight hint of urinary tract infection. That's the only thing I ate today. And I feel great. I don't know if you're going to feel great in a couple of hours once the fucking infection

kicks in. I got an iron stomach. But I will go to fucking In-N-Out Burger, man. I'll fuck up. I had Popeye's chicken last night, dude. And so because you ate that, that's why you got to eat this weird ginger drink this morning. Well, because I eat primarily healthy. Right.

Primarily healthy. Right. But then occasionally I go off the rails. Right. But most of the time, my body's getting healthy food. Right. That's the key because you feel better, man. And you feel good.

You will feel better. I feel great. You'll feel better. You'll have more energy. I drink these blended kale shakes in the morning. Yeah. I make them myself. I throw kale.

Kale tastes like shit. Tastes like shit. Shit. Why don't you use spinach? You can do that too. But I like too but i like kale okay it's a superfood spinach is a superfood too they're all good but i i've ended up kills hip right fucking strong it's got a lot of nutrients in it it's really good for you what's better kale or spinach probably with the probably kale because a little darker a little greener that's the key like dark green leafy vegetables they have phytonutrients and all sorts of vitamins and stuff and you get something out of them first of all when i eat i'm like i'll have a bowl right like like this high like i'm pointing to my about

10 inches like a big fucking salad bowl that you would give to like a family like oh here's our salad and everybody would take a portion yeah i blend that whole motherfucker up and i drink that shit myself wow with with four cloves of garlic i throw a whole apple in there ginger i throw a chunk of ginger right like a a thumb size chunk of ginger it's just everybody else who tastes it goes what the fuck are you drinking but dude i throw that shit down and it's like rocket fuel you feel great i feel fucking fantastic it's better than coffee i have like a chorizo bacon burger and then i have that too and then i and then i take the top bun off and i go yes i'm doing good today you got rid of that gluten and then and then i feel supercharged to take a nap i'm like yes well you you know i think you're enjoying your success you're enjoying your

wealth and you're enjoying pleasure and that's a're enjoying your wealth, and you're enjoying pleasure. And that's a part of who you are. And that's also, I think, one of the things about artists is artists are very indulgent. I'm telling that about my comedian friends. You think so? Yeah, you're very indulgent. And very self-destructive. You're a natural comedian.

You are a natural stand-up comedian. You did a thing at, was it at UCLA? Yeah. You did a thing at UCLA that you put on that video that was up, that a bunch of people, dude, that was like a guy who'd been doing stand-up for years. Oh, thanks. And you had only done it like, how many times when you did that? That was the first time I did it.

First time. That shit's ridiculous, dude. Can I plug that? Fuck yeah. All right, so. I put it on my Twitter. It's on my Twitter if you're going to find it. Yeah.

My problem with the internet is I always think it's like the Wild West when it's on twitter if you can find it yeah my my um my problem with the internet is i i always think it's like the wild west when it's actually not so almost everything i put up on youtube or or uh vimeo gets flagged i just put up a new episode of my my show dvdsa and it got flagged so gets flagged for what just there's nakedness yeah nakedness or whatever i mean i think in the so you took uh you changed your dvd asa page yeah it's like it's like wikipedia now dude it's like anybody can go on there and change it now they could say dave's a fag this whatever and it'll you know i i can't believe i just said that good luck they're gonna do that now you did you made a wikipedia out of it we used you do that we used

their technology and we just was like if some it's like it's it's your website now. Why would you do that? Because who cares? You're going to care once your website is all black dicks. I know that's what's going to happen. So whatever. Current threat level. I love the current threat level. Vitamin piss yellow is the current threat level.

So everything on that website right now, the fans did it. Oh, that's great. Yeah. I'm like, fuck it. I'm not even going to maintain my own website. You had a thing where you got offline, you took down your podcast, and you put up this fucking disclaimer. And I had to text you about it immediately once I read it, because I was alone. It was like 2 o'clock in the morning. I'm in my house, and I'm howling laughing, because you're talking about racism, but you said something that's totally true.

You're like, everyone's afraid of the yellow man like black men get the fuck but how come jackie chan never got to finger bang or fuck in in rush hour one two or three and i'm like it's true jackie can't chan like he's safe it's it's it's it's amazing it's i'm i'm in bed fucking this white girl and i had my phone like next to her head like this and it's a text comes in and it's Joe just saying like ha ha ha and he's like he's like writing my press release back to me and it's look

wait first of all that one quote though was so fucking funny yeah I look I'm just I didn't know these kind of facts but like do you know how many Asians are in America like I'm talking about jungle Asians, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, all of the Asians combined. Do you know how many of them there are in America? No.

What's the number? Take a guess. 20 million? Or percentage-wise. Oh, percentage? Yeah. 20 million would be what? Less than 10%?

Yeah, 7, 8%. Yeah, it's 4%. 4%? It's 4%. what less than 10 percent yeah it's four percent four percent it's four percent so it's like i just like you know i like doing i just like doing shit you know and then people always they need to be like oh check out this asian comedian or check out this asian artist and i'm like why can't i just be an artist yeah why can't i just be an artist why do i always have to be like you know i got mugged by a black guy right exactly never i got mugged by a dude this dude

fucking mugged me man if you say you got mugged by a dude that. Right, exactly. It's never I got mugged by a dude. This dude fucking mugged me, man. If you say you got mugged by a dude, that's a white guy. Right. You know? If I got fucking mugged by this dude. Yeah, and also Akira, she's on my show. The first time I met her was seven or eight years ago. And so this is still in the year, it was like 2005, 2006.

And it was on the set of the first Asian American porno in America. And I was like, I don't even know what that means. And I'm like, there's Asian chicks in porn. And it was like, no, the first porno in America where they're all Asian. And then I'm like, what, the male? I'm like, yeah, that exists. And they're like, like no it doesn't they go the only place in porn where you see an Asian guy is gay porn and he's the bottom so he's literally getting fucked in his ass and that's the only place you see him so what about Japanese porn

no but that's in Japan right I'm saying in America and I'm like wow 2005 whatever and that still doesn't exist yet and so I go on the set and then the guy that's the performer is filipino and i'm like that doesn't even count you know but doesn't count they're not asian no they count i'm just joking um but so i go wow that's weird and then and then i just you know the shit i talk about on my show the shit i just do and then i just it's like if you talked about it would be fine if a black guy talks about but it's just it brings out like this these people and they just they it's they're so offended by it and i go what you know and i and i know in the script for romeo must die jet lee kisses aaliyah at the end but they changed it to they just danced together oh god and

you know jackie chan is the star of rush hour a billion dollar franchise why doesn't he get the or finger bang and why not like okay fine he didn't get to do it in one maybe in two he gets the fuck all right well you know it's like why why can't you know why can't they be sexual you know right and i i don't know the answer to that well it's the the male the male asian with the white woman right is such a rare combination in movies and in television right it's so fucking rare that when they're doing it almost feels like they're doing it on purpose right and it's like but you know because there was once that of with the black guys they're like

black guys you know if i see you with white women we're gonna kill you yeah but now it's like jungle fever yeah yeah so it's like made it a disease i don't know my my best guess on it is when and you know this is just my guess is when when when i hear people go oh man those fucking asians are like they're taking over all the best spots at all the best universities and they're owning all the real estate and china's taking over the world it's like they're taking everything they can't take our white pussy on top of that you know so i don't know i don't know what it is but i just know like when i do shit like i get a lot more slack for it then but whatever i don't i don't give a shit it is well the point that you were making i mean i know you're just being funny but the point

you were making is true i mean you don't see asian guys get laid in movies and if they do it's with an asian girl right i mean i'm sure there's examples there's one it's uh it's uh stephen yoon from walking dead got the fuck right right that was that's true that's the only one that's a perfect example mag's pretty goddamn hot too that's a good one that's a good one i high-fived him for that that's a victory for the asians and he stayed alive yeah for many seasons yeah so he's doing it. Yeah. Wait, can I just plug the thing really quick?

Fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah. What is the thing? The video. Well, it's vid.me. Vid.me. Because I've been looking forever. Because everyone's like, why don't you just have your own platform or whatever?

And I'm like, I don't want to spend time doing that. Hire somebody. Well, I mean, when you do it yourself, it always cracks. I don't know. I don't want to. For me to have less employees, it's not even the money thing. Right. Like I don't want to become a manager, you know?

Right. So this, these guys, these kids have started this thing, vid me, which is like my answer to YouTube or whatever. And I could put anything up there. So I put my comedy special. So if you go to vid.me and then put in DVD or subscribe to DVD, I say you have my comedy special, which is the first time I did comedy at UCLA, which is intercut with machine guns and girls' buttholes.

A lot of stuff. Me slapping cigarettes out of smoking vaginas. There's a lot of stuff. Stuff that you can't put anywhere. Can I give you a great example? Well, first of all, talk about Instagram. I went on yours, and someone found their high school drawing art like oh yeah yeah i mean you you have the frenetic energy of like you got like that bernie wrightson and like you have like you got all the you were like good i was pretty good yeah you were pretty good and you had all the you like went crazy with the detail

whenever i see a young guy with like lots of detail i'm like that motherfucker has a lot of energy that's usually from like rate especially the subject matter like the rage drawing every fucking hair on the werewolf's face and the teeth one of the teeth with the they're glistening with the fucking blood and whatever well i was obsessed with comic book art yeah i mean it's it's great i mean i think from what i saw yeah from what saw. And how old were you when you did that? Somewhere in high school. Probably 15 or 16. That's what I'm saying. Like, you stopped at some point, right?

I had an asshole fucking art teacher, man. He wasn't, look, I feel bad for the dude. Because he was clearly a dork. Right. You know, but he. That's great. He had this way of talking about shit where he just killed all your dreams. I would draw all like Conan the Barbarian and ninjas and werewolves.

I would draw shit that I would like to buy. Teenage boy shit. Yeah, teenage boy shit. I did a whole series. That's awesome. I love that. That's Little Red Riding Hood. I did a whole series of little kid stories that went wrong. Three little pigs. There's a werewolf who fucking just attacks the pigs right i had humpty dumpty i'll pull that one up

eventually humpty dumpty with an axe you're an artist everybody up you're an artist yeah well i certainly was that's what i was gonna do for a living until i started fighting and then when i started fighting i became completely obsessed with that because it was so primal and so much different than anything else i'd ever done this is see we have the same story up until then or even up until then because in high school i drew like that too like crazy detail whatever and then i started fighting too and i loved it and i and then i started fighting all the time except i never won like 90 of the fights i get my ass i still loved it i'd be like yeah let's fuck these dudes up and i'd be oh you mean like fighting like on the street. Yeah, you know, I had a lot of anger

I didn't do that. Oh, you mean fighting? Yeah, I only had like one fight in high school and it wasn't really much of a fight Well one other time where it did this the best one Was the most important one for me was this dude? We weren't even like fighting. It's like he was this kid like they bust these These black kids in from bad neighborhoods right newton south high yeah and there's this one kid um and me and him we still look at each other like in the hallway and like you know he would stare at me and i would stare at him nothing really happened but then one day we were in the locker room together and i was

passing him he looked at me and uh i don't remember what was said, but I remember the dude grabbed me and hip-tossed me down to the ground, threw me on my back, and held me down. He was thinking about punching me. He was holding me, and just held me, and then let me up. I was totally humiliated. Totally humiliated. You said the N-word with the E-R? No, no, no, no, no.

I didn't say anything. I'm kidding. I think I said, like, what the fuck, or something like that. But I realized, oh, my God, I don't know how to wrestle. I think I was probably 14. I was like, God damn it, I didn't say anything. I'm kidding. I mean, I think I said like, what the fuck, you know, or something like when he was holding. But I realized, oh my God, I don't know how to wrestle. I think I was probably 14. I was like, God damn it, I don't know. I need to learn how to wrestle. But that humiliating feeling, you like, I don't want to ever feel that again.

It was terrible. I'd never, I'd taken like a couple karate classes before then, but no grappling whatsoever. Right. So at the same time, I joined the wrestling team and I started getting really serious about Taekwondo at the very same time. And it was because of that dude. Like, I owe him. He made me who I became, like, for real, because he humiliated the shit out of me.

But looking at, like, that changed your course down that path. But if that never happened and you stuck with the art, I mean, that looks pretty good, man. Well, I enjoyed art. I still do. I still draw. I was drawing my kids. Do you draw like that? Yeah, I could still draw like that. I mean, do you want to? Yeah, I like cross-hatching and all that stuff, yeah. Well, I enjoyed art. I still do. I still draw. I was drawing my kids. Do you draw like that? Yeah, I could still draw like that.

I mean, do you want to? Yeah, I like cross hatching and all that stuff. Yeah. I love cross hatching. Yeah. I love, I love, I like to do like pencil and then ballpoint pen over the pencil. That's like my favorite style. I have some other stuff that I'll put up that I did like that.

Yeah, I want to check it out. Because like technical pens, I always found to be like a little too permanent. Like I like seeing like the, I feel like with a ballpoint pen, you can almost barely touch the paper, and the image just starts to slowly come out. Do this with your kids. Ballpoint pen, draw on bananas. That sensation of a ballpoint pen on a banana is the best thing. And then the next day when the banana peel dries up, the drawing looks different.

My kids love art, man. Yeah. It's a fun thing. But my progression was the same thing. Everything in high school was this shit, like cross hatching, pen, pencil, prisma colors. And then, you know, I discovered spray paint, which was like the fucking, like the best thing ever. It's like, oh my God, I discovered the matrix, you know? And then acrylic and oil paint. like the best thing ever it's like oh my god i discovered the matrix you know and then um

acrylic and oil paint but what i discovered now after painting and drawing for years is that all those things i just said spray paint oil acrylic is you just even pencils like you draw something you you create something and if you don't like it you just paint over it you just erase it and then uh the new thing that like i just that this is like like alchemy or like painting with with magic is the watercolor it's like it's like the medium in art that has like i'd probably say like the least amount of respect because it's like oh watercolor you think of like old ladies you know on sunday why is that i don't know but like this whole book that i did is all watercolors it's like 300 pages of watercolors and i'm like you know i'm a pretty well respected artist now like i should be able to get this thing published i shouldn't have to like self-publish it and i don't want to self-publish it that's like in the same way like i

don't want to put up my own uh what do you call like um um i don't want to start my own youtube or whatever like i just would rather to do the art and have like a respected publisher put it out so i turned the book in and start this bidding war with all the publishers all the cool artsy publishers i want to put it out and they're like dave um you got to take these four pages out you know our legal team looked at it and you know i guess there's obscenity laws like you can't put a ar-15 in a girl's butthole or whatever and i go but i thought you know it's art i well it's art and i thought like we lived in america i thought you could do whatever you know right and i keep i don't know i guess i keep pushing things and finding out that you can't do them but you can you can you just can't do it in their forum right that's all it is and i i go what's the problem they're like we might get sued i go well by who i don't

know it's always like this preemptive like this imaginary fear and i i go we need people like you out there i go look like and i was excited because i was like oh these are like the publishers that i like i would love to work with you and i go so i i you know i i put the book out myself and it's like we we sold it out like the special edition right away if you want to get it at davidshow.com but it's we made so much money on it on the you know i don't want to say this like i'm bragging but it's like i didn't even want to make that money right like i would rather someone else make that money i just wanted to put it out, but it's like, they wouldn't do it.

So you had to do it yourself. And that, that's sort of, I bring that up because I'd rather just, it's so easy to just do a video on and throw it up on YouTube. That's so easy. I don't want to fucking find, you know, it's like,

I just want to make shit and just put it out there. But everything I do gets taken down. So I just got to, you know, it's just, you're, you're an unusual guy in an unusual an unusual situation and you want to be free you want to be free to express yourself and you know

someone could say like oh fuck him and he's this and he's that and he's arrogant and he's this but no you're you you're being free you're not worried you're not being a fake you are actually doing things that you're interested in and in a lot of ways this is a real problem that we have in society with needing someone to publish your stuff because if you need someone to publish your stuff then they're gonna have to approve it and then you're not gonna get the original vision of the artist or the writer or whatever you're gonna get a bunch of other people's in pin opinions of what you should broadcast where you should publish well look can I ask you this because you are like

since i first did your show i i think the first time i ever did your show i'd never been on tv and since i've been on i mean you you you have like a long career in tv fear factor the ufc stuff and so i've been on tv twice now i did anthony boarding shows uh parts unknown and i did um i did the news for hbo for vice hbo and both shows that i've been on won emmys and like it's like i everything i do doesn't have to be guns in buttholes right you know i can work right you can do it yeah but you have a they're like hey do do comedy but don't cuss and then i could do it right but so the two times i did tv like they're like oh dave those shows you won one emmys and so the floodgates sort of open and like now i have all these people interested in doing

shows with me and but they're do you ever have this experience you know you know a lot of rich people and whatever like i sit in boardrooms with like ceos and like people that run these companies and they're billionaires and they run the world they have way more money than me they have way more power fame whatever and they're still not free men they're like they answer to to to AOL Disney or I don't know like they they go uh uh you yeah like you got to take these four pages they're afraid to take chances i go you're a fucking billionaire who like who gives a shit it's like oh wow you have all the money in the world yet you still have to answer to shareholders like your business partners your wife i don't know i i made a conscious decision not to get married i don't have kids i don't work for anybody and so

it's like man it would be so easy for me to just sign this deal and do this tv show but then they're like but then you can't have hong dynasty on your instagram that fuck that don't ever let anybody take you from doing what you're doing well no one says well the nice thing is no one says you can't do it they just go if you want to be on our team then you can't do this shit like what is this hong dynasty saying you can't do it look i've had that when but i don't projects before would have told me to take down my website. Take down your message board. I'm like, fuck you.

Right. I'm not taking down shit. Because if you want me to do that, you want me to compromise myself. Right. It's going to start there and it's going to end up with me wearing a fucking suit, sitting behind a desk, talking to some idiot about a sitcom that I give two fucks about. Right. That's what happens.

And it's a weird thing because it's like, I didn't give a shit when I was poor. I didn't give a shit when I was rich. And then it's like, what, now I'm going to have a boss? Right. It's weird.

You don't have to do that. Just do things that you're doing now. Do it on the internet. I know, but this is what I'm saying, Joe. I don't want... Let's put it this way.

Okay. What's the benefit of you doing something on television? Other than Vice, which is an awesome show, and Anthony Bourdain's show, which is anthony bourdain show which is an awesome show doing things like that is great but what's the benefit of you doing a television do you need more money you don't know it's not to do more money it's just like to do projects it's just for me like i don't know i just filmed

this pilot um where just yeah it's not for the money they don't even have to pay me anything but what's the benefit it's like i get to fly somewhere and i get to like like doing a show like this we can say anything we want but or we could talk about like oh i want to make this movie and talk about the ideas but this is like put making it happen you know it's like but you could do that i know but it's like the thing with the publishing it's so much easier for like when i showed up on bourdain set like it's all taken care i was like wow this producer called everyone this cameraman's like a award-winning cinematographer he knows what he's doing like i don't want to become the guy that's like oh i gotta start my own network now i gotta hire my own guys and do all this shit

you can do that though man listen you can you can have meetings and there's one of the things you could do is get a manager get a nice nice Jewish boy who understands show business and tell that motherfucker, this is me. I'm David Cho. I like to put AR-15s up girls' buttholes. I like to do watercolor paintings that are obscene. I like to do this thing called DVD ASA that gets me fired from HBO. I'm a crazy man. Nobody fired me.

Nobody fired you. You got an option. We'll talk. We'll talk. I got tons of money, and I like to do fun fun shit and I don't want to have a boss But I want to be able to do cool projects. I want to enjoy life. I want to have adventures so What do we need to do to hire a bunch of like real good union cameramen to set up a real good production studio? Where we can edit video hire legit people i don't want to deal

with shit i just want to go do my stuff you handle all that and you could do all that and it could become profitable easily easily well i mean i'm not your manager but but that's what i'm saying it's like uh it's like being a reluctant entrepreneur i don't want to do that but i'm gonna have to you should you know you should the stuff you're doing, this Hong Dynasty stuff, it's fun. That was like just, like, you know, it's like, it's like a weird feeling

to go to like a Denzel movie or a Liam Neeson movie and you're sitting there and you're like, this is shitty. But you're like, it's so much money behind it. How did it even get made?

You know? Or you're sitting in an editing room and you're working on a show and and you're like wow that part's really funny it's like that's never gonna be on TV yeah why cuz everyone in this room agrees that's the funniest thing right it'll never be on TV why because of coast soap commercial is gonna pull their ads if you do that that's half the best shit I've ever said on Fear Factor never made it to the air exactly cuz I would with the contestants and say ridiculous I would love to see knew wasn't going to be on the air.

I would love to see that. But you got to understand that that's not what they're trying to do. Their business is not the business of artistic expression. Their business is the business of making money. What's the best way to optimize their chance to make money? You got to get a real cookie cutter bullshit television show. You know, these. But they're saying that then there's no audience for a Fear F type show where joe fucks with the contestants there is there is but

it's not that forum that forum has already been established it's already locked down it's already censored but what you're doing on the on the internet is a wild like this podcast has no boss there's no one to tell us what we could talk about we could do whatever we want right and it's because it's on the internet you could do the same sort of thing and you are doing it run into what i do which is like hey joe you're on like you know whatever a network ufc is on or you know anytime you do tv stuff do they ever go hey joe i've had a few talked about some fucking crazy shit on your last show you got to take that episode down no like no i'm not going to do that i wouldn't do it yeah i've had we've there's been a few issues but i can justify the things that i've talked about i mean i'm not i'm

not just right going off on a rail with you close to what i'm saying i love it yeah i've never met anyone who like knows so much and just couldn't recall that if they at one point like dana white or whoever said hey joe you're you're like part of ufc like you've been doing it forever your podcast is just... I quit. I quit the UFC. You would? Like that. In one second?

One second. You wouldn't say, I love it so much that I can... I've come close a couple times. Wow. Yeah. There's no way. I'll never change what I do in stand-up, and I'll never change what I do with the podcast. I firmly believe that if I did that, I would be a miserable fuck. Right.

If I decided that... I believe that too. I'm going to censor the podcast, and now i'm not gonna have people like david showing he's a fucking loose cannon he's talking about jackie chan finger banging people he's got ar-15s up girls buttholes if i did that i would i would fuck myself over and plus i started doing this thing that i like as much as doing the ufc i started doing these fight companion podcasts yeah where we sit down and we watch the fights we put the fight up on there right and we drink and I smoke weed and we watch the fights and just talk while the Fights are going on. It's the most fun. You're recording the whole thing and we broadcast it

You're probably having more fun doing that shit gets hundreds of thousands of downloads Wow. See it's crazy I like doing that almost as much as I like being there almost being there is the better. I mean I Don't get me wrong. I love my show and talking about everything, you know, fucking Jackie Chan

like finger blasting and whatever, but I love getting access to fucking go to the North Pole and interviewing like the Norwegian Army General

and getting, you know, I like that stuff too. Right. And it's like, well, anytime I'm putting this, I'm like you, man.

I'm like, I'll never fucking bow down to anybody. Like, I don't give a fuck. But at the same time, I don't have to do anything, you know? Right. You could just sit down and just chill. Yeah. Well, you have what's really fuck you money.

You really have it. I mean, that's an expression. You have fuck you money. It feels good. It does feel good, right? You got to use that fuck you money. Use it to say fuck you. And when you do a television show where they compromise you hey you got to take down dvd asa or you got to stop doing ar-15 up girls butthole pictures right you

automatically you you get rid of the whole point of having fuck you money yeah you can't say fuck you who you are is this weird unique artist dude who likes doing, you like pushing boundaries. You like being open about everything from prostitutes to sexual proclivities to overeating and diabetes. But that's you, man. Right. You're a good dude. You know, I like you. I like you too, man.

I don't worry about guys like you getting corrupted by the fucking grist for the mill. Get stuck in the machine where they figured out, I've got to make more money off of David Cho. I've got to make David. You know what they did with, here's a perfect example. You know what they did with Dave Chappelle? Dave Chappelle was doing the fucking Chappelle show, which in my opinion is the greatest sketch show of all time. The best.

The best. He's one of the funniest stand-up comedians of all time. Years later, we could still watch repeats. It's funny as shit. That guy, the blind, white, racist who was a black guy is still one of the greatest sketches of all the race trading yeah the chinese taking the wu-tang clan and all that stuff brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant show they started telling him he couldn't say nigger they started telling him to stop saying it and he was like what are you talking

about they were like we can get more money from advertisement if you stop saying this or you stop saying that or don't do this or do it. And that's when he went crazy or maybe went sane and decided, you know what? I got some money. And they had a $50 million offer to fucking renew and this and that. And he just said, fuck this. He went to Africa, tried to relax and find himself and came back and he quit the fucking show.

And he quit the show because they were turning him into something else right they were trying to take this uncensored brilliant artistic mind and make him a commodity right and that's what happens man but that's their business it's not that's like it's like being along with a wolf and the wolf eats you when it's hungry of course it's a fucking wolf right that's what they do right it's like you can't be upset at a wolf for eating you that's that's their nature and the nature of people that run these these production studios and networks they're not evil right they just make money and the way to make money how much money can you get from toyota well toyota will give you x amount of money if you don't have any swears. They'll give you X more if you cut out this and don't do that. They'll sign on for three years, a three-year commitment.

That's the way that shit works. It's just about maximizing profit. I've worked every job. I've worked in advertising. I've done all that shit. When I made the fuck you money, I sat down and I have five guys that work with me now and I had a meeting and I said, the point of what we do, and it's never been, and especially now, is to not make money.

You know, I know I could sit here and talk to you about like, should you turn into subscription based or ads and this and that. We've never had ads on my show because I don't have to. And it's like, it would be nice if we made stuff that did make money, but that is never, you know, the last three years like everything i do just like hemorrhages and bleeds money but you know i can sell one painting and make that money back in one day and you know it's like i don't people have had this discussion before when when they're at 7-eleven buying a scratcher or super lotto ticket and they're like man if i had a hundred million dollars this is what i would do but it's like in this country and i don't want to go on a diatribe about greed or whatever it's like

when is it enough right like when is it like so you got to show uh that like the chapelle show and he wants to say nigger just let him say it like he feels good he's allowed to say it you know it's like they are not chapelle so when you have people that are not creative people or not they're certainly not responsible for his creative vision right and they start interfering with it and trying to monetize it that's when it becomes a problem when it isn't a problem is when you who is the artist is in complete control like a podcast like your dvd asa podcast or like hong dynasty or any of this other shit you do like all of your paintings no one's standing over you and go Dave stop painting tits you know you're painting vagina you're making women objects you're doing this you're doing that you you can't be you if

that's happening and look maybe some people are going to criticize you and maybe you'll take that criticism to heart and it'll change your opinion about things which is totally honest and fine if someone says hey you know hey Dave I'm tired of you painting, blah, blah, blah, and then you go, you know what? I don't want anybody to feel bad. I'm just trying to express myself. Maybe I wasn't looking at it from their point of view, and then you could sort of alter your point of view.

There's nothing negative about that. It's part of developing, maturing, growing, taking in all sorts of different influences. It's a part of being a human being. Right. But there's a big difference between that and doing it only for money. Right. And that's what happens when you get attached to a network. Right.

And it's not their fault. Right. It's just what they do. But it's why, like, I've never talked to anybody about selling this thing. I would never sell this thing. This is just, we started this out, Brian and I. It would go bad the day that happened. Of course.

100%. They'd fuck everything up. Right. They'd say, you got to stop, Brian and I. It would go bad the day that happened. Of course, 100%. They'd fuck everything up. They'd say, you got to stop smoking weed. You guys got lit joints everywhere. You can't do that. What do you mean? Why can't we? It's California.

I have a medical marijuana license. So why can't, who gives a fuck anybody? We have whiskey here all the time. Nobody complains about that. Like, what are we complaining about? There's millions of people that smoke weed. You're telling me that those people's money is not worth anything right the weed dollar is not real money right you gotta respect the

fucking stoner dollar we're people i pay taxes okay i'm in the fucking nra god damn it right there's there's a real problem when people try to take creative ideas and turn those creative ideas into some sort of a complete monetary venture. Right. And that's what happens when you get involved with a television show. Right. It's just what it is. There's some sort of compromise involved.

You don't have to do that. Here's the problem, Joe. It's like, when I paint something, it's like, some people will see it. If I have it in an art gallery, I don't go to art galleries. It's like, the spectrum of media is like this right it's like at the top is network television like blockbuster hollywood movies and then video games or maybe video games is at the top and then it's like

uh you know music and then you know books comic books and at the very bottom is art right so at the very top there's the most censorship there's the most like people with their people involved um you can't say this you can't do that dolphin tail too right and at the very bottom is uh is art where i can paint anything anything and no one cares and it's not literal right not only that it's a direct connection to the art right you have your hands on the brush. You're standing in front of the canvas. There's no one there. You're alone in your warehouse.

It's a solitary sport. No one's involved. Sort of like jerking off. A lot of cross-hatching. And you draw this thing. And it means whatever it means to whoever. To me, it means this. To you, it means that.

There's very little chances of you becoming like a fucking billionaire drawing comic books but you know you get to say you what dollar can you put on freedom like that but now because this weird anomaly of where i did make like all this money doing art the floodgates have opened for me to do all types of entertainment and not to sound too like artsy or whatever i look at everything i do as art i look at my podcast my tv stuff i i bring that level of expression and freedom to it and then it just is not translating well with the higher ups i guess and it's like hey you could do whatever you want over here but don't there's no higher ups, bro. I know, there isn't.

They can all suck your dick. Yeah. There's no higher ups, man. I mean, this all comes down to other people influencing your creative vision. And you can't ever let that happen. Because your creative vision is what makes you unique. You know, when I talked about being an artist or wanting to be an artist in high school and having this bad art teacher i mean i honestly do feel bad for the dude because he was really frumpy and he had a gut and his fucking posture

was bad and he just was a guy who just had no hope and what he said to me was like i would draw all this stuff and he was like you got to do like you you're gonna have to draw things that you don't want to draw right and i said why and he said because you're gonna have to make a living So if you're gonna have to make a living maybe you're gonna work for This is the thing the example to use you're gonna have to draw babies for a Diaper commercial and I was like, but I want to be a comic book artist and he's like But you know may not make it as a comic book artist was like oh fuck this so my senior year I didn't even take art.

I was one of the best artists in his class. There was me, this guy, I think his name was John DeVore. He was really good. And this guy, Kevin, who was also really good. These three guys. And we all used to draw the same style stuff. I don't know if they became artists. I don't know what happened.

You didn't keep in touch with them? No. High school was weird, man. I was such a social misfit in high school do you ever do a portfolio day where you have like a All your drawings and you go to like a like Disney or something and you know I never got that far with it So I didn't even get to as far as like applying to colleges when I when I got out of high school

I went to art school for a year or two and then I dropped out and I was just like how am I gonna make a living doing this and i and i got all my best drawings and i went to i think it was cal arts it was like a i it's like a open call like and it's like every single animation studio every single advertising agency and i got there and it's all these fucking kids with all their art and there's really long lines to talk to a guy that like has a pencil behind his ear and goes work on this yeah work on this and i was like fuck this and so i was like i'm not even gonna wait in this line so i went i went to go take a piss and i saw one of the advertising guys get up and i followed him to the bathroom and i said and i pulled one of those while his dick's out i'm like hey look at look at this crosshatch penis look at this and he's like

hey you can't wait in line like everyone else i'm like dude i'm please and and he like looked over he's like hey that's pretty good and so he's got his dick out and and i go hey nice fat dick dude no no he gives he gives me his card and he goes you're fucking dope man you should come to my office in beverly hills and i'm i was like either 20 or 21 and I was like yes and it's the it's one of the biggest advertising agencies in LA I show up there like with a tie on and everything and as I walk down the hallway it's like every movie poster and uh I was like I made it I'm fucking like young and I'm gonna make a living drawing like this is fucking crazy. So I think back then, I don't know how it is now. They would have all these artists draw in the style.

I forgot Drew Struzan. That's that Star Wars. The guy painted all Star Wars. These guys all draw that same style and you draw the movie poster and then they give that to the photographer. And then the photographer, because, you know, there's no art in movie posters now right and this is i'm talking about fucking 20 years ago so i'm sure it's different now and it was a avalanche movie with chris o'donnell no chris o'donnell chris o'donnell i think the movie was called avalanche and so i sat in the room and i was like this is so cool i get to see a movie before it came out you know and i'm like this movie fucking sucks and then i'm sitting there watching it with

like six old guys with like cigarettes dealing dangling out of their mouth and like all right guys we need avalanches we need this and this we need chris o'donnell looking like this and i'm like this is amazing you know and i sit in a room and i draw Chris O'Donnell. There's the poster. Vertical Limit. Vertical Limit. There it is. I think I drew that. Bill Paxton.

Well, that's what you do. Yeah. That's pretty good. Is that Willem Dafoe? Who's the guy in the back? I don't remember. Who is that? Scott Glenn.

Scott Glenn. Oh, that guy. Yeah, that guy's awesome. So I got all their head shots. I'm drawing them. The art director's coming in. He's like, you know, it's amazing. He starts with starts with the compliment dave that's great can you do it again like a little bit smirk a little bit more heroic and then um not even a day in i'm like i hate this job i just drew fucking chris o'donnell and same thing i had the same thought then i'm like how did

this movie get made right like it's horrible like like who like like why don't chris o'donnell's a beautiful man i always want to see him right it's a good date night movie and so i very safe i lasted at that job you know when you say like you got to draw shit like yeah i the next one was like a sandra bullock movie where she's an alcoholic like 28 days or something and i you know that that whole like hey i'm somewhat part of showbiz and i'm working and i'm making the good money i walked into the guy's office less than a month in i said like thank you for this like i appreciate it like this i learned so much i can't do it he's like what are you talking about like you see that line you see how many people would die he's like dave and he closes the door he's like i'm gonna tell you something you remind me of me like 20 years ago the fucking crazy hair

you got like that fucking punk rock attitude if you stay here and you do what i tell you you could be running this fucking place in like 20 years and i was like and i was like oh you know he gave me a nice ego boost down with the devil yeah and i'm like i wonder if he said this to all those guys out there you know and because i was the youngest guy there. And I go, I can't even believe I'm telling you. Like I said, thank you for this opportunity. I can't do this, though. I can't. I feel like art is my passion.

I love it. I feel like I'm dying here, you know, because I thought, oh, I could draw Chris O'Donnell all day. And then at night, I could draw whatever I want, AR-15s and buttholes. Right. But muscle memory, I had just spent the entire day training my hand to draw in the Drew Struzan style of Chris O'Donnell. I get home and I want to do my shit, and I'm like, oh, fuck, that butthole looks like Chris O'Donnell's face.

So I tell the guy, I go, hey, look, I can't believe this great opportunity you gave me, but I'm going to have to regretfully decline this thing. And he goes, what are you going to gonna do dave draw your funny books he didn't say it in that voice but he's like he's like he was like mocking you no yeah a little not like hardcore but he's like what are you gonna do yeah and he's like good luck with that and i was like you know what i i've made at that young at that it's it's the it's for me the saddest thing when i see young people that have already like given in yeah i'm like that's the time you fight that's the time that you should try and fail and try again and then it's like when you get old you're like at least i tried didn't work out

you know so i said look man i'm gonna go for it and if i end up fucking broke or poor or whatever then fuck it you know at least i tried you know yeah and and the next next job from that was drawing uh midgets and and and buttholes for hustler so i was like yes i get to at least draw what i want to draw midgets and buttholes for hustler yeah i work for like asian fever and the whole larry flint yeah it's trying to monetize a creative vision it's it's always it's it's really important that you try to figure out what is unique in your head. What is in your head? How do you get it out?

And if you want to bring up the Chappelle show or anything, it's like this whole, like, I don't want to start my own network. I don't want to start my own publishing company. It's like, I'm just going to do whatever I want, knowing that it's not going to make any money. And then what always happens is because it's so unique and whatever it does make money oh that's so easy for you now dave because you have fuck you money i'm like how do you think i got it how do you think i fucking got it like it does you want to still be working for that advertising right exactly i took the chance when i had nothing and i had nothing to newt they say the rich and the poor have more in common than the middle class because they both like if you're

poor you're like hey i got nothing to lose if i get the middle class because they both, like, if you're poor, you're like, hey, I got nothing to lose. If I get sued or whatever, like, they could take, like, my fucking toilet paper roll or whatever, you know? So, I don't know. You, look, you're not trying to make money. You have money. So, if you're not trying to make money, it's really simple. Yeah.

It's like, you just need a manager. Right. You need someone to come along and take care of everything so you can just be creative. Yeah. I got a great manager. I got great people working with us. I got a great personal trainer. Check this out.

Broke my rib. Check out this painting. Tell me what you think about that. It's beautiful. Joe just showed me a painting of a beautiful snow mountain landscape with trees in the style of Bob Ross. You want to hear something crazy?

My six-year-old did that. Shut the fuck up. By watching one of those Bob Ross things? No, she just crazy? My six-year-old did that. Shut the fuck up. By watching one of those Bob Ross things? No, she just takes art class. Are you fucking kidding me? She's very talented. She's been doing art since she was really little. Is this oil paint or what?

Yeah, I got with her when she was really little to sit down and do a lot of art together. That's amazing. She's talented. I got my art from my uncle. I got it from my family. My grandmother was talented. My uncle's talented. My uncle's an artist. Right it's all just it's it's in the family you know what I think about when I see that it's like have you ever seen this is gonna sound bad but have you ever seen Hitler's art yes I have yeah it's it's it's good but it's very like you would think a guy that is a murderer and like has murdered like millions of people would have like a more hardcore you know yeah it's like that's great if you're six years like first of all

the thing joe just showed me looked like a grown adult it freaks me out the the mountains and shit like the snow in the mountains so when you're at that age like the tiger woods michael jordan like young person and like you're you're learning you're like picasso whatever like you're you're learning your like picasso whatever like you're learning your um just techniques techniques and just getting all that stuff down perspective you get it down and you're like wow i can paint a tree with all the highlights off the leaves and the dew drops and that's great that's like the time to do that but then at some point you have to be like what's inside me is it really a landscape or do i want to paint some crazy shit? Yeah.

And so, like, she's great. She has the potential. Like, everyone has the potential, right? They get to a point. It's like, you discovered fighting, but if you never got into fighting, I think you would have been a great artist doing, you know, all your werewolf stuff. Well, I would have enjoyed it.

I still love comic book movies. Right. I love comic book art. Right. I love those, like like really glossy comic book magazines and stuff so like when i see hitler's art and i see like these landscapes and just shit i'm like dude if you like went as hardcore in your art as you did with killing people like maybe you would have never become a you know did you think see the thing that was out recently

about hitler taking meth like hitler apparently was like really in the meth sounds about right sounds about right yeah he's there was some thing that was recently released. Like those speeches where he's screaming and shit? He was all methed out of his head. He was all meth-addled rant? Well, he was apparently a hypochondriac, and he took a bunch of different medications, but one of them is he took meth.

Oh, wow. Yeah, which totally makes sense. Right. One of the things they say with meth is that it completely corrodes your judgment. Your judgment just goes out the window. Let's kill Jewss you just kill everybody all that fucking those crazy speeches he's probably meth to the tits wow probably didn't

have any nerves at all that's why he was so intense and fucking hair flopping around furious anger in his eyes yeah that's you watch one of his yeah hit Hitler was on crystal meth. Look at that. Isn't that crazy? What's that website? Is that USA Today? Yeah. Wow. According to a 47-page, I can't read that, military dossier, he used to take bull semen, morphine, tranquilizers, bull semen. Hmm.

I don't think that did anything for him. But the crystal meth, a pill that contained crystal meth, hmm, and other drugs, depending on Hitler's, have you ever seen uh kvorkian's art no is it is it's it's fucking crazy as fuck wow well you'd imagine yeah but like it makes you sort of rethink like his motivation have you ever seen george bush's art yes it's fucking awesome yeah him him looking in the mirror. Have you seen that one? Look at Kevorkian's art. Pull up some of the more dark. It's all like death stuff, which is really kind of fucked up, man.

It's like he was really into like. Wow. Yeah. Oh my God. That's fucking brutal. Look at that, man. That's like demonic shit. It's a guy being pulled into the abyss.

You see eyeballs behind him and stuff. Jesus. But there's some other ones that are even more disturbing than that, Jamie. There's like some dead body ones and shit. Don't you think? Yeah, look at this. Look at this one. What the fuck is this, man?

Look at this. It's a dude sitting at a plate, at a dinner plate with a guy's head on the plate. What's going on here? Okay, zoom up again. Yeah, just scroll. It's like a Roman soldier with a guy's head on the plate. What's going on here? It's, okay, zoom up again. It's like a Roman soldier. Go so we see the whole thing. It's a Roman soldier. He's smirking. He's, um, he's, the guy has his head

decapitated. There's a bowl of what? Jewish stars? The Star of David? And then there's, like, what the? And the salt and pepper shaker are like rocket ships? Is that what's going on? Yeah, it's fucking crazy. The guy's got an apple. The guy's head is cut off. It's on a plate.

There's an apple in his mouth. Okay, so let me ask you, Joe. You have your show where you get drunk and you critique UFC fights. You have this show. You have all these forms of expression. You have stand-up comedy every night. Do you think art is the best? Not for monetizing

reasons or fans or whatever just when i draw something and i express and i don't have to like write literally and i just go wow and that that fucking brushstroke it captures exactly what's going on isn't that like the best feeling like i don't know what's going on that kevorkian shit but that most guy must have had so much shit that that release of painting shit like that is just so therapeutic to me. Yeah, there's definitely something beautiful about creating something because you know that it didn't exist before you put your attention to it. You put your attention to that piece of paper or that piece of clay or whatever you're creating, and you made something out of it. And it existed because you put your attention to it and whatever it is inside of you right whatever creativity is it's undefined it's like you're you're god creating something out of nothing you know like there's there's

nothing here and you create it and then like just not to harp on it or sound you know it's just with the young people you know because i'm sure young people talk to you all the time and I don't, I don't want to sound delusional saying, Oh, it's easy for you or guys like Joe. But the saddest thing is when you enslave yourself at such a young age and throw yourself into like, yes, there's people that need to be parking meter cops. There's people that need to be work at ad agencies or whatever. It doesn't need to be you. It doesn't need to be me, but it doesn't need to be the person who's listening to me that i'm saying it doesn't need to be you it doesn't

need to be you there's a lot of fucking people man right and somebody will fall prey to that trap this is this is like my best advice on that whole thing it's yeah there's people that fall that trap it's like you're young you can fuck up and you'll still be young like and then try again and it's like i get you know i'm sure you have a lot of people that are like your fans that go, you did it. And I, you're my idol and I worship you and this and that. And so you did it. So that makes me feel like I can do it. And my whole thing with that is like the whole, like, follow your dreams, definitely follow your dreams, you know, like definitely go for like your dreams and everything. But like what gets my dick really

hard is like when i'm at ihop and the guy takes my pancake order and he's like you know we have three new different syrups for that and like if you do this it's a better combo and he knows his job and he runs to get me the syrup and i'm like this guy maybe doesn't want to be ihop uh waiter for his whole life but the time he's here he's passionate about it He's bringing all of his energy to it. And then if I hop a waiter isn't ultimately what he ends up doing, he's going to bring that. You know, it's like just I like try to do not everyone's going to be the best artist. Not everyone's going to be the best actor.

It's like so when your dreams get crushed, you know, it's like be fucking awesome at your job, even if it's not what you like wanted to do and then like i don't know i i think about chefs a lot now because i'm friends with a lot of celebrity chefs that's not a fucking that you're serving you make food for people that's not a glamorous thing which like my friends like david chang and bourdain it's becoming more glamorous because they took a shitty job where it's like fuck i to stand on my feet and wear these weird clog shoes all day. And all this is too salty and take it back. It's like a shitty job. You're like a servant.

But they took that job and they made it glamorous. They fucking brought their fucking rock star passion energy to it. And now it's like, you know, I went to a chef convention, this thing, Mad Symposium in Copenhagen. It's like, you know, I went to a chef convention, this thing, Mad Symposium in Copenhagen. And I mean, there's guys with like knife tattoos and weird facial piercings. And I'm like, is this like a rock star convention or something? And so they're artists. Well, yeah. And they brought that to that.

And so I'm just like, be fucking dope at your job, whatever it is. Well, I think being a chef is being an artist. I really do. I think it's cuisine is a form of art and the different flavors that you can definitely in someone's mouth there's this there's an art to that without i i really learned that from bourdain yeah watching his show right and the passion that he has for it like it's contagious it makes you yeah guys like bourdain brought that to that brought it to your attention and so now it's like you meet kids that are like, I want to be a chef when I grow up.

And it's like that really didn't exist before. Everybody has something that they're really into. Some people are really into riding horses. I couldn't give a fuck about riding horses. Some people are really into fill in the blank. It's a matter of what your personality fits best with and trying to pursue it one of the most insidious things that happens to young kids is not just the compromising early and falling into a slave job it's being saddled with debt right being saddled with debt right off the bat that happens

so fucking often man right so often kids go to school and then they accrue fucking $300,000 in school debt. And then they get out and they're fucked. They're a slave. And they almost did it to themselves. Yeah. Well, like someone will tell them like, look, college isn't four years now. It's more like five to six years. Yeah.

You're going to be like a quarter mil in the hole when you get out. And we're not going to teach you anything here that's going to teach you how to make money. You're just going to know a lot about psychology. Well, especially if you're doing something technologically based. Right. By the time you get out, years later, that stuff's all... Yeah, and a lot of these professors are like dinosaurs. They're teaching you some shit that's irrelevant now.

Yeah, there's a lot of that, for sure. And it's just also the idea of wanting to figure out what you want to do with your life and having to choose at 18. Right. You're a baby. Right. When you're 18 years old, you're a baby. You've only been alive for 18 years. Right.

That's nothing. That's not even anything. The last couple years is the first years you've been able to make your own decisions. Right. And all of a sudden, you have to choose the course of your life. Then you've got your parents harping on, David, you should be a doctor. David, you should be a lawyer. David, you should be a lawyer. David, you should do this.

You should do that. For the immigrant experience, a little bit hard. I mean, first of all, everyone who's an American is an immigrant. So it's like that experience, the guilt level for the Koreans is like, I escaped from North Korea

for you to stick a gun in a girl's butthole. And like, you know, they use that. They're like the, the, the, the tanks and the fucking bombs I had to dodge for you to come here and do

Hong dynasty. Like your family come from North Korea. No, but I just say that it's more dramatic. I'm sure someone, no, but you know, my dad has the fucking crazy escape story.

My mom has it too. It's like, it's nuts, you know? And yeah. and yeah um can since you brought up debt can i speak for it for one second like brought up debt like being in debt or whatever so i i used i used to do this show uh thumbs up i just did the fourth season a year ago it's still not out yet but what is it it's just me hitchhiking across america it's still not out it's well three seasons of it are out on vice and then the fourth one's like still being edited or whatever it's it the whole premise of the show is hitchhike from one point a to point b um and you can't spend money on any anything like you it's just to show oh man i'd love to have your

life i'd love to travel i'm like i've been hitchhiking since I was 15. I've only almost got raped twice. That's it. That's the worst that's ever happened. Only? Almost. How close? Finger in the butt doesn't count, right?

No, I'm kidding. Or am I? So it's just, you know, it's weird now because I'm rich and I'm on the side of the road begging for a ride. But when I got to detroit um basically let me just show you guys i'm gonna what do you got there i'm gonna bring out visual right someone's head in that bag this is uh harry kim he's my partner on uh on a thumbs up our show so you got a bag with his face on it yeah okay i love him you matt you had this made so here's a hundred

thousand dollars this is a hundred thousand real dollars? Yeah, this is $100,000 real dollars. I never felt $100,000 before. Oh, shit. It's kind of heavy. Damn. Fat bricks. Cash, baby. Pimpa.

Get that pimpa, kid. Suck. I like hip hop, Joe. So I like to gamble. And when I got to Detroit, I didn't realize there was an MGM there. There's like MGM casino there and So in the middle of filming thumbs up season four, you know, I won ten grand at the casino like and What do I what do I need that for you know? So I've never I've never been in Detroit before or I haven't been in Detroit

And I don't know, since I was 15. You could buy Detroit for 10 grand. It looks horrible. It's pretty bad. And I've been to these third world countries. People are like, oh, man, look at Bosnia. And I'm like, look at America. It looks horrible.

And I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked by it. Because you've heard stories about it. And I was like, I got filmed with so much emotion. I was like, you know, I'm just going to hide this money. And I just threw it. And I hid it in shitty areas. And I just put, I got filmed with so much emotion. I was like, you know, I'm just going to hide this money. And I just like threw it and like I hid it around, you know, like in like shitty areas. And I just put up a tweet. I said, hey, I just hit 10,000 in Detroit.

And it's like, I heard about a guy doing that in San Francisco. And he's like, hey, if you find it, tweet it. And it's like this big social media experiment. I'm like, I'm not doing a social media experiment. I'm just like, hey, I'm fucking hiding money. And then like, you know, I just walk around the block and I tell all the homeless people, hey, I just like hey I'm fucking hiding money and then like I you know I just walk around the block and I tell all the homeless people hey I just like threw like 10 grand and if you guys want to look for it you know and so I'm not just giving the money why I'm making a fucking game

that's true I don't know games are fun you know what people like I don't like to play games I'm like I love playing games they're fun so anyways the people who found the money I'm sure didn't tweet about it and they're like, the backlash comes quickly. You fucking piece of shit, fucking with poor people like that. This and that. I'm like, what? Because you didn't find the money? You know?

So. Would it be fucking with people if you said that you hid the money and you didn't? That's what they're implying. And I'm like, why would I do that? That's dumb. You know? So I, well, I like fucking with people but what whenever i do shit with money i just get you know i just give it away i don't i don't want to fuck with it's

like hey here's 100 take it away i'm like i'm not doing that right so i'm a hoarder i don't know if you know that are you really yeah my my the the house that i live in is actually half the size of this room and i've lived there for 15 years and it's just people don't understand it because they're like you could live in a like a fucking mansion and have your own island and whatever and i'm like yeah but i don't care you know so i haven't gambled since like you know since i went to rehab for gambling and had my heart attack and all that stuff when did this happen 35 so three years ago now you went to rehab for gambling? I couldn't stop man in what and what they had done with the limits

Because in Vegas like the most you can bet on certain things is like 25,000 a hand on blackjack or whatever is they raised it for me because they knew how much money I was worth and I could Bet a quarter million a hand on project So, you know, it could go pretty quickly. I mean the shifts like oh, I just won 10 million Oh, I just lost everything, you know, could go pretty quickly i mean the shifts like oh i just won 10 million oh i just lost everything you know how much did you lose this is where the mercury poison comes in like the the height of my my vegas experience was like staying at the penthouse in every single casino like all the high roller casinos a harem of whores in each one and just going downstairs and like winning five million here going to like the next one going upstairs fucking like 10 girls in a row going downstairs winning

10 grand what's the most you ever paid a prostitute uh the most money i ever paid a whore um i like to say prostitute because i'm classy oh sorry sorry notice how i say that try to be respectful the sex worker the the most i ever offered a sex worker was um 10 grand she wasn't this is a this is some vampire shit this is like when someone's not a sex worker yeah it's like hey like hey not into asian guys don't want to fuck you at all like i have no desire to fuck you and you're really crass you're a douchebag You're crude And I go okay So since

I'm not denying any of that So this is real money Like this isn't a joke Like I'll You know I'm gonna I'm gonna turn you into a whore I'm sorry

You said that to her? I'm gonna turn you into a sex worker Did you say that to her? Yeah it's actually all in this book Oh Yeah this book is all watercolors And the text messages with women That people have no idea That Cause they don't believe me that to her yeah it's actually all in this book oh yeah this this book is all watercolors and the text messages with women that people have no idea that because they don't believe me see my color

chart here it tells you what you are stripper single mom bush like whatever um can i read one just sure sure sure it's my favorite so you did it with text messages? Were you converted or you did it eye to eye? Oh, this one was a telephone because I met her. This is a text message between me and a billionaire. Okay. Like at some point, I just stopped selling my paintings. I was like, I just either give them to free to my friends or you can look at it for free on Instagram or you can buy my books that are cheap or you can go out and look at the

murals I did. I'm not on this planet to make really expensive art for rich people. So this guy's like, and you tell a rich guy he can't buy a painting. He's like, how much? Yeah, how much? So I write to him. He goes, I don't know how much higher I can go. $180,000 is my final offer.

I don't know what else you want. No response from me. Okay, okay. I get it. You don't care about money. but i saw you hit it off with my wife how much how much night for a night with her and i write i don't know let me get my my let me get her lips off my dick right now and i'll ask her so it's like this is this is shit that happens that like people are like no it didn't and so what does he got is he playing i mean is this guy serious is he playing around oh no like you know like when you get to that level of money like i know rich guys that like

pay dudes to fuck their wives and like just it gets weird you know hey i was getting there so tell me about this girl this ten thousand dollar girl oh so so she doesn't believe me right and then i i take a picture i go i'm holding 10 grand right now. And she goes, fuck you, you piece of shit. Like, you think you can buy me? I go, all right, fine, whatever. I don't think much about it. She calls me two months later. Two months?

Two months later. Hard times. Whatever happened in her life or whatever, two months goes by. I don't know, a month. I have no idea. The text is, is the offer still good? And I don't even know who the girl is text is is the offer still good and i don't even i don't i don't even know who the girl is i go who is this and what are you talking about

she calls me and she goes you offer me 10 grand and i go no it's five grand now and she goes you piece i go i offered you 10 grand when i was horniest and i was like i was playing a game and i wanted it that bad i'm like i'm like no vagina the most any man should ever pay for a vagina is two grand the most the most like you can't you know but what about that robert redford movie with demi more that's they should yeah they should remake it with uh two grand it's like well i play this game it's a dumb dumb game, but I play with awesome people on a show. It's like someone who's not a whore. Right.

A person who has a regular job, bartender, fucking, I don't know, something where you make, like, you're middle class. What does it cost for a person who's not a prostitute, who's single, who has a normal job, to just go up to them them and go I will pay any amount of money to fuck you is it the Robert Redford movie is it a million and like I go for normal chick like I don't know 20 grand maybe 10 grand 30 grand something like as long as they know that no one's gonna find out no one will ever find out big thing no they don't want the shame right and that's the real problem with the whole idea of prostitution is the shame. And every girl I asked, they're like, I don't know, five grand, three grand, two grand. I'm like, whoa, I shot it way too high.

Like all the guys always say something like 20 and up. Right. And all the girls that are, maybe it's just the women. All the guys, if you want to fuck the guy. No, no, no. When I ask guys, what do you think? What do they think the number was? Yeah.

Now this girl, when you said now it's five grand, what'd she say then? She said, go, no. When I ask guys, what do you think? Oh, what do they think the number would be? Yeah. Now, this girl, when you said, now it's five grand, what did she say then? She said, go fuck yourself. So you didn't have sex with her? No, then she called me back, and then she came, and she fucked me, and then she didn't take the money. And she left, and I thought she forgot. I said, hey, you didn't take the money. It's still on the thing.

She said, go fuck yourself. And then. Oh, what? We have a weird. And we still fuck now. We have a weird relationship. What fuck now we have a weird relationship what a good kid yeah she's giving off freebies so she was basically attracted to you i don't know some sort of a strange way this is the worst answer but when you say what's the most ever paid it's

with my soul and time like i mean money when money's no object for me it's when people waste my fucking time and they play games with me and they suck my life force out that's what cost me the most now i want to get into something with you because you were involved in this gigantic fucking controversy right and knowing you i know you and i know the way you communicate and i know the way you fuck around with things and the way you talk about things you told a story on your podcast dvd asa about getting a massage therapist right to give you a blow job right and by forcing her head on face face fucking her face fucking her and everybody uh decided that you were a rapist that you had raped her and that you know

you you've faced this massive amount of backlash online. All right, well, first of all, because I do the news for Vice, and to see if I interview a Norwegian general or something, and he says something, we fact-check it. We fact-check the fact, and it's like, oh, okay. And then it's like we're presenting ourselves as news people. It has to be accurate now people who just like some i don't know like the tmz paris hilton uh perez hilton

type of shit where it's like we heard this and then they just it's all like this guy's a piece of shit and it's just all gossip rumor stuff i'm not even trying to defend myself like i totally fucked up on that end. My shit, your shit is live. My shit is not live. Um, when I record a show, I record usually five to six hours,

three shows back to back. Cause we're not around a lot. And, um, you really suck one a week. Well, yeah, we did two a week for a year and a half.

And then it's like hey the show i don't know like i i know the first time i came on your show you're like i don't like to talk about my wife or my family this and that and like that's where you draw the line my thing is i don't have a line like i'll talk about anything and i noticed that um my my life i started to like in true artist form, be extremely self-destructive. Forget about talking about heads of companies and this and that. It's like, wow, I'm really like, oh my God, this girl that I just met won't fuck me. Oh, I heard you say horrible stuff about this and that.

I'm throwing myself under the bus constantly with my own show. And were you doing it to get a reaction when you were doing all this stuff? Yeah. Basically what happened was my friend who's a lawyer said, dude, you're getting into a lot of trouble. And when I sit, so I'm, I'm like, here's a show I don't have to do at all. It's costing me money, time, headache. There's like weird stalkers hanging out outside. You know, it's like, it was getting bad.

It was ruining my life. And, and everyone's like, why are you doing it I'm like cuz it feels good because it's impulsive cuz I like it you know I'll so he goes look there's a lot of people that you're talking about that they don't want you to talk about them right they have real lives they have real jobs I'd say almost every like celebrity we've had on our show is asked to take the show down or have it edited except for joe joe was cool um but uh he said look if you want to tell a story about like like let's say michael jordan i don't know michael jordan but like say you were friends with michael jordan you want to tell a story about michael jordan and it's not say a famous white baseball

player so then it's like still a famous person you know he's like change the race if the point of the story isn't who it is and but what happened right and change the race change the um uh when it happened and change like as many details without fucking up the story you know and so it was our third show of the day and my show show was like chaotic. I mean, you've been on. There's like six people talking over each other at the same time. And I was trying to tell this story and no one was paying attention. And I don't listen. Like when this show ends, do you listen to yourself?

No. I never listen to myself. And that was the one time where I was like, man, these guys aren't listening. So I exaggerated a little. All the bad shit that happened to me, I deserved it. I never should have told the story the way i told it i should have never like whatever anyway just okay anyways i'm like whatever i'm not a rapist so and it's like well that's what all rapists say i'm not a fucking rapist

like i've never like right and then people started bumping me in with terry richardson i'm like nobody came out of the woodwork because i don't fucking treat people like that, you know? Right. And it's like, oh, he face fucked her. I'm like, the number one thing, because I have been in prison five times, is everyone, because of growing up with like these movies, American Me, whatever, whenever I go to jail is I'm like, I'm not black, I'm not white, I'm the minority in prison. Someone's going to try to rape me

You know So then I think Then the Would you rather get fucked in your mouth Or your ass Or you know Like those kind of questions And yeah

I've been to prison five times No one's ever tried to I don't know Really try to fuck my ass Or face fuck me Did that disappoint you? A little bit I felt a little bit

You know I'm like come on You're not a bad looking guy But the show ended And my manager comes in And he goes Do you ever listen to your own show i go no he goes that was the worst sounding like he goes i know you you sort of exaggerated and told that story weird like you should just cut that out i'm like well then i would be a hypocrite just put it out no one gives a shit anyways then you know like all these blog gossiping bullshit and they blow

it out of proportion and i'm like wow the show that i created in the first place like what happened was i went when all this facebook shit happened i went on howard stern where i talked for two hours unedited right and it was live then i went on barbara walters and she butchered my thing and just took out like tidbits of context yeah and i was like fuck this i'm gonna have my own show where no one can ever fuck with me because it's gonna be from my perspective and what i did was i fucking shot myself and i'm like the only i'm the only person ever fucking person in a sex scandal where there's no victim except for myself and i did it to myself i'm like there's no fucking one coming forward they're like wait

the the feminists are like wait till this comes forward and we're gonna all get behind her and pay her legal fees because dave's rich and i'm like no one's coming forward like there's nobody there it's like like the girl likes me and i face her like every week now it's like it's like face is not rape it's like oh It's like fun. Like, you know what happens when you don't want to face fuck somebody? You bite their dick off. That's what happens. That can happen. That is an option.

So, like, when you were doing it, is it just you just get caught up in the moment? You're just trying to be entertaining? Or you're trying to just be controversial, to be exciting? I just got, I just got, I was got i just got i was really tired this is like this is exactly what happened everyone no one but i was losing control of the show and like look everyone always goes why don't you just do your own show you fucking talk forever why why don't you do a show like you know adam carolla or joe's where it's just like you and like one other person or two other people why do you have like 10 guys on your show you know and so i was

just losing control of the show it was tired it was late and i was like i'm gonna say something a little bit more exaggerated so that they'll perk up their ears which it did right oh you know and then look and and then the shit storm started and it's like i was like well who cares like i didn't do it i didn't do anything from their point of view no no of course the point of view of people that are listening to that and you know the whole concept of rape culture you're promoting first of all can i just say during that whole thing joe is like the like the only one of like my celebrity buddies that like called me and was like just he was a good friend so thank you for that well you're welcome i just you know first of all i don't know if you raped somebody but i don't think you ever would you just i could be wrong

obviously you could be wrong but i listened to your explanation of it and i know what it's like when you're doing a podcast because sometimes you're just trying to be entertaining i've seen people exaggerate stories i know i know i've been on podcasts before Where people have told stories That I know what really happened Right And they're trying to make it better Right By adding a little to it

But the way you did it Was pretty crazy Yeah If you and me Went through some crazy shit And like We were like Let's talk about it

Without getting that guy in trouble Then we have to change some details Yeah You gotta dance around And turn into a rape session It's like But to the people that Listen to it i i kind of see their point oh when i went like i said when i went back and heard it it sounds horrible right like i that's

why i'm like everyone who like got down on me i i'm sorry like i deserve like knowing who i am and then like hearing like that thing i was like like, whoa, that sounds bad. Like, so, you know, but my, my defense, my delusional defense of like, but I didn't do it. It's like, if I, if I said anything, it just sounds anytime anyone sounds, tries to defend themselves. It sounds horrible. I was like, whatever. I mean, I totally understand what you're saying.

So, um, and I understand it from a point of someone who does podcasts too, that you can say things sometimes that you don't mean it even. You're just trying to be fun or titillating or, in your case, trying to be really controversial to change the tone of the room. You just fucked up. You know, Patrice O'Neill was talking about something once where he was talking about people trying to be funny, that sometimes people say really offensive things, that they're trying to be funny and it fails and they're a horrible person and he's like but if they said something that wasn't offensive and funny and it and it succeeded and made you laugh right it comes from the same place it comes from this place of trying to make something entertaining well we make mistakes when you're doing things live. Look, you've been on our show. And once I, I want, I need to go back to the North Korea, America thing.

It's like, I know I'm not a murderer. I know I'm not a racist. So why can't I say like AIDS jokes? Or it's like, I get it now. It's like, oh, well you're in, you have a responsibility. People will hear that and think, you know, it's like when I'm with Asa and we're not on the air and we're just saying the worst shit to each other. It's like, who cares?

Well, you're also dealing with Asa Akiraira who's like one of the most hardcore of hardcore porn stars ever right so like her tolerance level and that's what she thinks is funny and controversial is so different well that's what has happened is hanging out and i'm not blaming also it's like i have a lot of porn friends and i have a lot of disturbed yoshi like a lot of disturbed people and so when we fuck with each other you know and you know comedians and like like you start to forget that there's normal people out there i know yeah you're like oh wow like that like you know me and my friends when we get together horrible like like this is i told you about steve lee and and bill bill poon doing the macao brothers so steve's the lead singer of my band now i started a band called manchi with money mark

from the beastie boys steve never gets late he fucks a pocket pussy every night right and so i say hey dude if if something happens with our band you're gonna start you're the lead singer you're gonna start getting laid all the time and you put pussy way up on a pedestal. Like he gets so distracted. If a girl likes one of his photos on Instagram, he's like, Dave, look at her. And I go, Hey, like you gotta, you gotta concentrate on like learning these lyrics, like, like get into this shit. So I said, you know what? I'm going to take you to Vegas. We're going to have an old, old school. Like when I was in the height of my gambling, we're gonna have an old school orgy and you're going to fuck nonstop. And you're going to learn that pussy is, it's just sex. It's not like this, you know? And he's like, I'm all for that,

Dave. So thumbs up. I'll show you, I'll show you a cool video after. So we go to Vegas and he's getting his dick sucked by two women at the same time going, Dave, this is amazing. Oh my God, this is so warm and wet. This is like the best feeling ever. Like, and it's, it's, uh, it's, he's having the best time and he's like, oh wow, I've never had a threesome before. I go, there's another one coming. So he had like one threesome after the next.

He's just, and I, and like, I'm on the bed just filming it for him. Cause I'm like, I'm like, dude, you won't, you'll want to watch this later. I'm like, every, every time you think like, oh, like this girl, whatever, like, I'm on the bed just filming it for him. Cause I'm like, I'm like, dude, you, you'll want to watch this later. I'm like, every, every time you think like, Oh, like this girl, whatever. Like, right. Like, just remember you getting one ball in her mouth, one ball in this other chick's mouth. And, uh, you ever see, this is a little bit off topic, but you ever see that Seinfeld where, um, the guy converts to Judaism so he could tell Jew jokes. the guy converts to Judaism so he could tell Jew jokes. So I'm sitting on the bed filming Steve get his dick sucked by two women,

and one of them stops, and he starts fucking one chick. And she's like, look at his butt. It's so cute. I go, yeah, Steve's got a really cute butt. And she goes, should I stick my finger in it? And I go, yeah, go for it. And he goes, no, no, don't do it. Exit only. But he's still fucking the girl.

So she goes, she spits a loogie in his ass. And I go, I'm going gonna stick my finger in his ass so i stick my finger in his ass and i go can i start saying fag jokes now i'm like i'm pretty much committed a gay act and hey you can't say fag and i go but i'm i did something gay right now um so i don't know it's like yeah your tolerance level and your your level of like what is acceptable i come back i tell people this shit and then we found out find out that bill who fucked like 30 hookers can't he's 53 he can't come i go what do you mean he goes i don't use my hands and i wear women's underwear and i use the the tightness of the band around my boner

and i twerk back and forth until i come and i go what the fuckness of the band around my boner and i twerk back and forth until i come and i go what the fuck are you talking about so then we made another tv show that we haven't filmed yet which is i go wait so when you fuck hookers yeah i go that doesn't feel good to you he goes no i go then why come then why don't you come he goes and so i go your thing is psychological you you what is it he's like and i go is it something like where you feel like the girl doesn't deserve your cum or something so i made a whole new tv show for him called girlfriend experience and i'm sending him to columbia and i paid a model like that looks like sofia vergara bill if you're listening like you

know not the most attractive guy like a short like um very fat nerdy looking asian guy with a girl like basically i told the girl you can't ever talk about money you have to trick him and pretend like you're his girlfriend for 30 days oh god and then see if he finally comes so it's like the whole tv show if you fuck 30 hookers and you don't basically sorry that's my life now so that feels normal. So when I talk about this shit with you or my friends, it's like, whatever, that's weird. We just talked about an Asian guy that twerks in women's panties to come. And then you're like, oh, wait, maybe this isn't polite dinner conversation.

Maybe, like, my worldview's a little bit skewed and it's a little, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, I'm not the best person to bring to, like, a dinner party with wives and stuff, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, I'm not the best person to bring to like a dinner party with wives and stuff, you know, like. Yeah, that's definitely not polite dinner conversation. Right. So it's like, I don't know. And you've been on our show. It's like when you go in the room and the doors close and then everyone just starts fucking, you just like, like you forget that another world exists you know yeah when everybody starts talking about crazy shit yeah you you sort of like get into that mode and it becomes acceptable like right if you're around people

that never swear and someone walks in the room and says fuck it's like oh right oh my goodness right but if you're around people that are constantly swearing you don't even it doesn't like this conversation here nothing nothing's registered right like when you and you'll say this fucking this or that yeah means nothing but if the president said it in a speech right you personally be like whoa he just said fuck and so i was like you get used to it maybe i gave myself too much credit i'm like hey i have i've developed my you know i've branded myself as a fucking crazy artist guy and i can do anything and i'm like oh i guess not you know it's like you you know like when you tell someone you're an artist like it's sort of like free like you can

do whatever like I find not rape that's where I know you're victimized well I found out yeah like you made a mistake my whole thing is like I'm around a lot you know and it I'm not saying this at all to get sympathy but like I get raped all the time I like women grab and touch me and do shit to me that I don't want, and it doesn't count because I'm a guy. I'm not even... Please, please, I'm not saying it all because I like it. Whether it's rape or not, it's like, yeah, I got molested, all this shit.

How's it molesting you if you like it? Because I don't want it, and then it's like, I like that I don't... Joe, are we so simple that we can't have conflicting emotions at the same time I love and hate you at the same time no when it starts I'm like I definitely don't want this chick to be touching me and then it's like well I'm a sick person

I'm a sick demented person well that was part of what you were talking about when you were talking about this experience you were talking about the fact that it might be kind of rapey was what got you off. And you were saying that, again, you're around a bunch of fucking perverts who are all trying to take it to the next level. Also was like, so you're a rapist. And I was like, yes, I'm a rapist.

And it's like, no, I'm not a rapist. But it's like, I know I'm not, so we're joking. And you kind of forget also that a lot of other people that don't understand your sensibility are going to be listening to this. Right, exactly. You assume that the people that get it, like on my message board. My message board is like this ridiculous message board. Some of the subjects are just so, like, but everybody kind of understands the tone of the board. So they'll say something really fucked up.

And if it was on any other message board, people might like read it it and go what the fuck did this guy just say but it became normal well yeah i still am not there yet it's like when i have when i get new fans from like being on the boarding show or if i'm reporting the next cold war coming that's serious shit and then they come over they're like oh i like this guy i don't wonder what else he's up to rape and they're like whoa fuck right uh you know so it's like i don't know but they'll figure it out eventually that's right i mean you're still you you're still doing the same shit can i just say something about that it's like if someone's not a rapist and it's like it's it's such a huge fucking thing to call someone that when they're not and it's like, it's such a huge fucking thing to call someone that when they're not. And it's like, you're literally like ruining that guy's life.

But how would they know that you're not a rapist? That's the problem. They would assume that you are. I saw people that I know call you a rapist. And I was like, oh, this is a mess. I'm like, you don't even know me. Like, it's like. But they're basing it on what you said.

Right. And so it's your fault. Yeah, it is. Right? We both agree with that. Zero defense. No fault. From what I said, it sounds horrible. You know me. You're like, Dave's just being there. Yeah, like is. Right? We both agree with that. Zero defense, no fault. From what I said, it sounds horrible.

You know me. You're like, Dave's just being there. I know your whole thing. Right. Your style of communicating. And I know that show, which is crazy. I love your show. I love your show.

I love the Hong Dynasty shit. I love all this wacky shit you do because- Thank you. I really think, other than the rape stuff, I really think it's important to have a guy like you out there. Thank you. to other than the rape stuff i really think it's important to have a guy like you out there thank you pushing the boundaries i think what you said about jackie chan it's funny but it's fucking important because in in terms of like identifying and and and communicating about racism right that's a real racist thing and for a person who's asian that's got to be kind of fucked up it is it is kind of fucked up and it's like there's a charlie sheen out there that's banging hookers right and it's like yeah go charlie yeah but

then you do it it's like oh dave's creepy but it's it's the the people that like come at me the most asian women they're mad at you yeah they're mad at me it's like you're fucking white chicks that's why but you're all asian all the time but this is what it's done on the gravy it's like oh it's day full of shit or this and this and this so like i said during the height of that like crazy vegas era i would be going to vegas all the time with like a hundred grand a million dollars in like a pillowcase in my backpack as much that looks like this you went to vegas with a million dollars oh yeah all the time all the time and so that's the most money i've ever seen in my life by the way i've never seen a hundred thousand dollars so check this out joe i i'm cleaning my room for the first time in seven years since i lived in the my hoarder's nest it's just

it's just filthy i find a shoebox and i'm like oh hundred grand from the vegas era and i go fuck you know critter i don't want to get into how much shit he does for me but i i sat here tearing him down about what a horrible personal trainer he does shit that like i can't even talk about here that's like the he's the he's my i love him shovels yeah so i just i just gave him this i was like you take this because you're the fucking man he's like i don't want your dirty money he's like i don't i don't want to get i'm not i'm not a whore like i'm not gonna get paid for the whatever so i was like let's do it for all the people that go if i was i know a hundred thousand dollars isn't a like million dollars but it's like it's a lot of

money it's good get a kid out of debt whatever and so all these people complaining well if i was rich or this and that or it's easy or because i did so this hundred grand cash like this i'm just going to give it to someone okay it's not like some weird like oh fill out this form and we take half or i'm just going to give it to you but you have to go around the united states and you got to do all critter put all these clues in place and immediately they're like well we're not rich like you i go i've traveled around the united states for nothing and they're like oh well like we're not rich like you. I go, I've traveled around the United States for nothing. And they're like, oh, well, we have lives. We have jobs. I go, it's $100,000.

That's why you would do it. And with all this shit, they're like, we never even know if this guy's serious or not. So I'm putting $100,000 up in this Critters cross-country cash contest, scavenger hunt. That's what it's called? 10 people are playing. Only 10?

10 people are playing. 10? 10 people are playing I bet there's more now Well Yeah I mean I wanted to Critters Cross Country Cash

Contest All the details are at DVD 4Cs DVDASA.com It's 5 C C

Critters Cross Country Cash 5Cs Okay Here's the problem with that Yeah Your DVDASA page

Anybody can go there And just fuck with it No the contest is the only thing On the Oh okay Thing that you can't fuck with you can't fuck with that change a threat level You could do it right now. You can change a threat. Yeah, sure. Why not? Number one that was like a big deal like every day I've been talking about this lately with my friend my threat levels at what orange all the time man. It's bad Do you remember when it was like that though? Like every day you'd look at the news the terrorist threat level would be well

That was closer to like 9-11 and it was so ridiculous and it makes people like uneasy and stuff of course that's the point of it and it's also a good thing for the news right you hear threat levels at orange right motherfuckers right god damn arabs joe i love you i love you too you're a fucking awesome guy man you really you're a good dude i really it helps me to come on the show and talk to you about this stuff because i know like you go through a lot of the similar shit. Like everyone wanted to know like, like why I'm so calm in the last three months. It's cause I took my show down and it's not for any reason that people think it's like, literally like I was sitting at home one day and like, there was a glitch on our website

and they're like, Oh, the next episode can't go up tomorrow. I'm like, why? He's like, Oh, we got gotta call a guy and fix this thing and then i was just sitting there and thinking i was reading a comic book and i was like i don't have to do this yeah like i don't have to do this and like i don't know what your fans are like but like my fans are horrible like that's why that's why critters are today i knew if i showed this money like maybe someone's gonna drive here right now so you know i think that you you're always gonna have some horrible people that are out there no matter what you do first of all you have great fans because every time i do your show i go outside i go to the supermarket

they're like who do you want joe and they're so nice our fans are fucking great too but then there's like that handful of like if i talk about something then they'll definitely go out of their way to like like if i try to like mask the girl that I'm talking about without giving away her identity, they'll put the clues together, figure out who it is, call her and be like, Hey, Dave said horrible shit about you. They're usually wrong. And they just live to sabotage me. Why do you think that is?

I honestly try to figure that out. Like I don't watch a lot of television, but like, you know how there's like all this like reality tv the kardashians and all this shit the housewives and people are like i hate this show but i can't stop watching i really feel like there's people that hate me that watch everything i do i could be wrong about this and then like just i get excited and i'm like cool i have a show where i could talk about anything i talk about it and then i find out like we did a couple episodes in big bear and i was like cool we're doing shows in big bear while we're doing the shows in big bear because we said that someone went online found out the address of the thing blasted it on the line wrote the manager and said hey there's a disgusting porn star and a fucking rapist artist. They're doing, you know, and the landlord calls us and he's like, hey, like, what, what's the, like, we're trying to have this, like, we spent a million dollars building this, like, nice resort honeymoon, Big Bear Ranch, and you guys are turning it into what?

So, was this post the internet controversy or pre? After, after. Post. So, I'm just like, what the fuck am i doing right like i'm you gotta assume that then people are looking at you as a target they're going after you right and but i'm also like like i said i don't need to be put making painting this bright fucking bullseye on me all the time right right right so i was like you know what i'm just gonna take a vacation i'm gonna take a break yeah well you're but we're But we're back We're up there You're gonna do it again

Well it's up there It's back There's our disgusting DVD essay Wikipedia Page Are you recording new episodes? Yeah

I mean Well the thing is I never stopped I never stopped recording Like I never Like we have like 30, 50 episodes I don't even know

So the entire time You're just recording them And not releasing them Yeah If someone shot me In the head today I'd have like Like a year's worth of podcast to just that's hilarious yeah you can't stop this shit motherfucker you can't stop this shit dvda safe forever fuck man people

are gonna be very happy people were very bummed out on my website my message board people were very bummed out that you took your show down well Well, I'm always like, who gives a shit? People do. People give a shit. But you've got to understand, okay, as your friend, this persona that you've created, who you are, your actual human existence, who you are. And then on top of that, all the hyperbole and exaggeration and fun and chaos and all the stuff that you're doing, all the machine guns and buttholes and all the stuff that you're doing all the machine guns and

buttholes and all this chaos you're automatically going to attract a certain amount of unsavory attention i've learned that now well it's also plus people are fucking haters there's a lot of haters out there and there's a lot of people it just makes me stronger they want to not like something right they they're looking for something to distract them from the miserable existence that they're caught up in. And then there's also people that think, hey, this guy's a piece of shit rapist. I have a target now. Right. And then they go after you because of that.

Well, how do you deal with it? I'm not a piece of shit rapist. No, I'm not saying you're. Very nice person. I'm just saying. Trying to be nice. I know you have crazy fans. You're always going to get crazy people.

You're always going to get a certain amount of them. Right. And I try. One of the reasons why i mean i assume one of the reasons why the people that like this show are so nice my fans are so nice it's because i'm a nice person and you can also fuck them up but i just that doesn't matter people could shoot you you know the people always say if i was you i would go kick people's asses right that doesn't last you know you pick people's asses they don't like that they shoot shoot you. They stab you. They run you over the car.

Just be nice. Martial arts is supposed to be about developing your character, about figuring out how you overcome difficult obstacles and how that makes you a better person. To not fight. That's what it is for me. Right. So it's not about that, but it's also about being confident so you don't have to worry about as many people kicking your ass there's always gonna be some people that

can kick your ass no matter who you are really right unless you're at the top of the fucking heap and then you're only the top of the heap for a certain amount of time right when Cain Velasquez beat the fuck out of Brock Lesnar everybody was like Jesus Christ right you could be a guy like Brock Lesnar right somewhere out there this is badass dude with brown pride tattooed on his chest who just beats the shit out of you. Always be someone that's... There's always going to be someone. Most likely.

But I think you put out a certain energy and you get back a certain energy. Well, like, it's... And you... There's always... It's the metaphor I said. In high school, I fought, like, almost every weekend. Didn't win 90% of them. Still did it.

So, it's like, that's... If that says anything about... You. There's nothing... I mean, short of, like like putting a bullet in my head there's nothing like you you getting in that that black guy putting you the thing and humiliating you it's like i've been embarrassed humiliated i've been called a rapist i've lost love and finance and i've anything bad you can do to me i've been in jail i've almost gotten raped you know like it's like there's nothing you can do to me i've been in jail i've almost gotten raped you know like it's like there's nothing you can do to me that i haven't done worse to myself you know

but you've grown from all this stuff right i think so have you grown from this personal experience this experience i think so the rapist experience the virtual rapist experience yeah you know that putting that out there now even though it's innocent look and you're trying to entertain look when i like the the stand-up thing that i threw up on vidme it's like the first time i tried it like i'm you could see i'm shaky i'm trying to find words like i broadcasting i don't know how many episodes you're up now like 600 or something like and and you've been on TV. I've been a quiet guy drawing werewolves my whole life, and I've just started to do this shit.

I'm trying to figure out who I am. I'm learning. Well, you're also doing something. I don't mind people judging me as I learn, and I know that's going to happen with the haters and stuff. But it's like, look, if you want to hate on me, go ahead. I'm like, I'm sorry if it didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted i'm sorry if i offended you actually i'm not i'm not sorry if i offended you but it's just like you know i'm learning i have my heroes like stern and whoever growing up it's like there's a little bit of emulation but then there's also like i want to be my own person so i'm trying you know i'm trying to figure out my

voice and in the meantime like yeah i'm falling i'm failing here so i hopefully i'm learning from this experience well it's also the there's an i don't know if there's an art or a skill to being the public guy and expressing yourself because i have not mastered that yet but this this shit that we all do and i know you know you hang around with guys that i know like bobby's fucking crazy probably's crazy And there's the shit that Bobby and I have done just hanging out the comedy store to make each other laugh right Bobby said like Ridiculously dark fucked up shit or shit. I'll howl laughing right I know he's not being on but if anybody else came along it didn't know Bobby and heard him say that right It could be misconstrued and when you're broadcasting it to the whole world and that's what dvda is yeah you're inviting a bunch of people who don't know you as a human right you know yeah no that's i mean you if that what you just said is a commercial

for my show it's like we say some fucking horrible shit and it's like if you're if you're part of the family if you're part of the whole like you you're in on it then you get it if you're just like oh i saw him on hbo let me check him out you're like what the fuck did i just hear right now you know maybe you should hire someone to go over all the dvd asas as you do them and then at the end of the episode go what do you got for me well you said you raped someone oh i definitely didn't do that let me explain i was bullshitting there well you know you said you robbed some gangsters and you fucked them in the ass with a dildo Well I didn't

Right But I can't talk about that story Well we have We solved the problem I don't need to hire anyone DVDSA If you If you go to

DVDSA.com You can Or like listen to it On iTunes or whatever But if you want to watch it It's on that Vidme site now Cause like I don't want to censor anything

We broadcast from An insane asylum now From a it's a real insane inside an insane asylum and so it's like hey guess what i'm fucking crazy how do you get to an insane asylum look at the thing right now okay hey big bucks gets you whatever you need really yeah check it out where where does it say it this is a whole thing now it's all all black dicks ever since the show started. Your entire website has been changed. I'm looking for it. What am I looking at? Just hit, like, so we're calling it all the old shows.

It's the new DVD essay, so it's like Saga 2, and then if you just click on it, you'll see what the inside of the room looks like. This is a shit website, buddy. It's horrible? Okay, Saga 2. Saga 2, Chapter 1, The Ranch, Part W, Sardines, Chapter 2, Sardines. Here, I'll show you what it looks like.

But what are we looking for here? Oh, yeah, just play it off YouTube or Vidme or whatever. I'll show you. They're all inside of Insane. It's probably crashing right now because all the people going to it. That's probably what's happening. You probably got thousands of people visiting it right now. Yeah.

I mean, we put it up on YouTube, but it's censored. And then we have it on Vidme uncensored. The episode two right now, there's a chick with like 34 g's or i don't know the biggest real tits i've ever seen in my life there's a lot of people watching this they kept flopping up yeah yeah that's what's going on um so how did you get you so you paid them to let you get into this i said look man instead of like you said like that's that definitely crossed my mind i was like i'm just gonna hire someone we're not live right we're delusional we say dark shit at the end of the episode have like a lawyer go hey that you guys went too far and i'm like right good like that

always makes me feel good like you know i'm 40 i'm 38 years old i just started a punk band with steve lee and whatever my dad heard it and he like, I've never been more embarrassed of you in my life. Because I have a Korean song where I was like, Bangu mogole, bangu mogole. It's like, you want to eat my fart? You want to eat my fart? He's like, you're a grown man. You're a grown man.

And you just did like, that is so disgraceful to my country. You're my son. And he's like, I'm begging you as you're, I'm a fucking grown man. He's like, I'm begging you as your father'm a fucking grown man he's like i'm begging you as your father take that song down and i'm like yes yes i did something right you know it's like um so instead of having a guy paid to be like take this episode down or edit this thing i'm like

let's just broadcast live from a fucking insane asylum i don't think that's a real disclaimer, though. Especially since you've come on this show and you've said. I know it's not, Joe. 51-50, right? Just hire somebody. I don't know. Have one of your employees just go over everything with a fine-tooth comb and then apologize at the end of every episode. I just do everything as if one of these nutjobs is going to kill me one day. Wow.

Stack the podcast like stack the podcast stack the shows how many nut jobs this is all the the negative nut jobs are all post this right no i mean this is i mean i've had critter for for a few years now right but i mean the negative nut jobs they've escalated no no i've had haters in my entire life you know well people look at you like you're not just a talented artist. You're a talented artist that got some crazy break where you illustrated the Facebook offices. They gave you a shitload of money. I'm not going to deny that the Facebook thing was a crazy break, but I've made millions of dollars in everything I've ever wanted to do. And so it's like, did I get a crazy break over and over again?

Or did I just bust my ass and just fucking go for it? Well, you've been very successful and you got just fucking go for it you know you you've been very successful and right you got a crazy break oh yeah i've been very successful and that and then so when anything happens they're like oh well like i said the way i started the show oh well he's rich i'm like well what about my entire life up until then like was that people love to marginalize folks people love to find some way where you're not better than them right the difference with the facebook thing in my life before was nobody knew how much money I had. So when they went to my hoarder's house, like I had millions already.

I already sold out a million dollar art show in London. I had millions from gambling. But nobody knew. And I was like, so I can still, that's the best. Right. That's the best combo. You get to live a normal life, but you're fucking rich as shit. And then. So you were rich before the Facebook shit even went down. I didn't have a normal life, but you're fucking rich as shit. And then.

So you were rich before the Facebook shit even went down. I didn't have hundreds of millions, but I had a few million. And I was like, cool. That's more than I ever thought I would make. Right. I'm selling paintings for a couple hundred grand. Like, it was awesome. I go to Vegas and win a hundred grand.

It was like, it was a very good life. But now it's like, you know, if I go. Now it's public. Now it's like, give me, if I open my email right now, it's give me money. Give me money. Give me money. Do you ever give people money no never i hide it i do well yeah i have a hundred thousand dollars i'm gonna give away but they don't i have to i'm making you work a little bit for it right the clues the fucking clues for a critters cash contest are like the

dumbest like easiest clues ever i was like i want to make it all cryptic like the game and make it super hard and i was like no i'm literally force feeding you the answers like well what if more than one person finds it we have a whole thing it's like first of all everyone thinks i'm hiding cash i'm like i already learned from the detroit thing i'm not hiding cash i'm just going to give it to you i'm hiding clues which is a red dot that critter spray painted at nearby the the place you go there you take a selfie of yourself in front of the clue with a current newspaper, and then the first 10 people, they get the points. And at the end, whoever has the most points.

And right now, like I said, there's only like 10 people playing, and it's like the points are scattered, so it's like anyone's game. And I'm going to announce the winner on Halloween, and on November 2nd, I'm just going to, like on November 2nd, like November 2nd, two years ago, this is what happened. I went, you ever do an AMA on Reddit? Yes. So I, I didn't even know what Reddit was. And everyone's like, it's the front page of the internet. It's the front. I go, okay, so what does that mean? And they're like, you upvote. And I, and I learned what Reddit was. So I said, I'm going to do an AMA. I'm like, Hey everyone, I'm David Cho. I'm an artist. I used

to be a thief. I'm a gambler. I won all this Facebook money. Da, da, da, da. Ask me anything. I answered everyone's questions for 24 hours straight with live video response with a cast of 200 of my friends and actors and midgets and porn stars and chefs and everyone I knew. And everyone was like, what just happened? It would be a kid like hey dave what's

your favorite place to eat i don't know let me ask anthony bourdain and he'd be like what the fuck i and i so they knew that it was live i go right i don't know uh dickface 372 like and they're like oh my god he's talking to me you know so the next day like people started going fuck did you see this motherfucker blew up the internet yesterday? Everything got taken down. Everything on YouTube, everything on Vimeo, everything on Livewire, everything on RedTube. We put shit everywhere. We infected the whole internet for 24 hours.

It got taken down. Why? I don't know. It was just like tits, ass. I don't know like but a red red tube is like a porn site yeah so we put up the more racier shit there I don't I don't know I don't know if it's haters over there but it's like and then they for like two years they made my name like unsearchable on vimeo like if you typed in my name like any like art video or anything I've done so I was like I started getting paranoid and whatever so then that's why I love like vid video or anything I've done. So I was like, I started getting paranoid and whatever.

So then that's why I love like vid me, whatever. Like I sound like I'm doing a huge commercial for them, but like I love them cause you could do whatever I want. So this year I'm going to do a fucking live podcast at midnight starting November 2nd for three hours. Then I'm going to go on a Reddit and I'm going to answer everyone's questions. Same style with like hundreds of my friends, actors, fucking famous people, porn stars, everything for 14 hours straight. Then I'm going to fucking have a live event where my band plays and we're going to fucking have a huge party.

And then at midnight, I'm going to fucking or close to midnight, like at nine, I'll do another three hour live podcast. And then I'm going to give this fucking money to somebody. So 24 hours straight, no sleeping. I'm going to need Red Bull or some shit that day. You should come by. Yeah. What day is it going to be? November 2nd.

I'm going to be, we'll talk. Yeah. Okay. I might be able to do that. Yeah. Come by for like an hour or something. That sounds crazy. Yeah.

It'll be fun. It sounds like chaos. Yeah. I'm like able to do that. Yeah, come by for like an hour or something. That sounds crazy. Yeah, it'll be fun. It sounds like chaos. Yeah, I'm like, I'll answer anyone's question. You know, like on the Reddit thing, they ask like crazy questions, and then like if you ignore them, they just upvote it, so it's like the number one question or something. Right, right, right. I don't know. But once again, don't have to do it.

Like the pain, like the torture. But you enjoy all the chaos. You definitely enjoy chaos. I live in it. You love it. Yeah. I think that's why you live in a tiny little place. You didn't move to some suburban neighborhood in Beverly Hills and set up shop and some nice, you know, have a manicured lawn.

You live like a crazy person. It's manufactured misery. But it's not miserable. You're not miserable. It's miserable. In what way? It smells so bad in there there's there's cockroaches ants but why why do that then because you know you and me could talk about like oh you should eat kale and this and that but it's like i know at the end of the day what i'm really gonna do and so if i sit here and go hey dave

forget all this fucking bullshit you've talked up until now your podcast tv bullshit you're an artist okay so let's talk real talk about you being an artist right how much have you actually painted in the last 10 years not that much okay let's look at your entire life when have you painted the most when i was in jail in japan when i was in a cold miserable place in china with no internet, no cell service. So the combining factors of all these places is that it was always cold, no internet and no cell service and no one else around.

So isolation, cold and miserable. And just that's what it takes now because I am an easily distracted, addictive person. So I do have a lot of options for pussy that I never had before. I do have all these things and it's, why do Joe's cross hatching of a werewolf with like, that takes a long time and I have it in my head. Oh man, I want to paint this thing. There's going to be a million little people and they get this crazy tripped out idea.

It's going to take me like a week to draw that the way i want to draw it and then there's a playboy model that wants to suck my left ball and a penthouse model that wants to set my right ball and i'm like hmm tough decision it's like wait that's what you know drawing my whole life was the only thing that brought me attention and now i have everyone's attention so let me fuck the whole world but isn't it like it's like you know so but isn't it it's you were talking earlier about your favorite thing is to create i do but but there's a there's a self destructive thing that distracts you and makes you let me backtrack let me backtrack my favorite thing is creating and pussy. And let me just ask you this, Joe, because you're in it.

You're a comedian. Is the great art always come from misery? It's like Jim Carrey, Eddie Murphy. Do you have to be miserable? No, you don't. I believe you can make really good art if you're well adjusted and you're happy and whatever. But I'm talking about the great shit that transcends time and whatever. Those people are suicidal, miserable fucks.

And speaking just for me, because I know my best stuff always came from rejection, hatred, getting dumped, living in miserable conditions. There's nothing about living in a 20-story or 20-bedroom fucking mansion in Beverly Hills with pools and Playboy models hanging around. That makes me want to create. Yeah, but you're creating while you're getting your balls sucked by Playboy playmates. It's still the most amazing paradise ever. You're staying in suites in Vegas and banging $10,000 hookers. You're talking girls into fucking you that never would.

Sex workers. Sex workers. Sorry. I didn't say whore, at least. I'm not trying to change your opinion. Right. But what I'm trying to say is you love a lot of different things, but you definitely have a self-destructive streak.

But I don't... When I was a kid and I was doing stand-up, when I first started doing stand-up, one of the things that I thought is, man, I don't ever want to get enlightened. Right. Because if I get enlightened, it's going to fuck up my comedy. Oh, right. Because my comedy was always, my favorite comedy was always like Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor, troubled people, dirty people. And I was always thinking like, man, you can never like achieve a certain amount of enlightenment

because then you'll never be able to do the great comedy. But I think that's a trap. Well, check this out. I'm at my warehouse where in the wintertime it's freezing, and I'll be painting, and I remember thinking, wow, it's 2 in the morning. I'm miserable. Oh, wow, I have a heated fireplace. A woman just playing with her vagina, waiting for me to go in there in a beautiful house

in Beverly Hills. Oh, I'm going to call it quits for tonight. Now I'm there again, still painting. And I'm like, wow, it's two in the morning. I'm miserable. And guess what? My house in Koreatown, still miserable. I'm just going to keep painting, you know?

So that, to know that that comfort comfort like i say it all the time comfort is the killer of creativity like to know that that's there like it's not that i can't paint something good like something good is still being painted but it's not gonna have the level of intensity of like it you know being completely miserable yeah and also also said exactly the same thing you said right now she's like people try to make me feel bad for being a porn star she's like i love fucking i love sex and then i've offered her i was like you know because we have dark spots in our past like i think like there's a huge age gap where i don't remember where i'm like is that why i'm so fucked up did i get raped or molested or whatever and she has

the same thing so i i go do lots of uh rich white people kind of enlightening you know wellness camps and shit like that where I'm always the only Asian guy and the youngest guy there. And I said to her, I was like, hey, if you ever want

to do that stuff, I'll pay for your therapy and this and that. And she's like, I don't want to go and then learn something and become enlightened and then find out

that I actually hate myself and hate porn. Because she's enjoying her life right now. Because she's enjoying her life right now. Well, people are very adaptive, man. Right.

We're very malleable and we change to our environments and you can you can become comfortable and happy in a lot of different weird circumstances and if you find a good state a lot of times people like this is right i'm good i don't need no enlightenment i don't need i don't need no consciousness expanding i'm good right here well i'll tell you right now like i'm this this a lot of people is like really disappointed my friends and people close to me like they're like oh it's so sad and they're i only fuck hookers now like i don't like i've given up like i don't even want to say given up because i am adaptive and this could what i'm

telling you right now could change tomorrow but as of right now i am working on animation tv shows my podcast painting working on my next book. It's like there's no time in there for a real relationship for kids. When you say, why don't you just buy the best trainer, the best nutritionist? I go, guess what? I'm paying for the best pussy. You got to pay for it. I go, yeah, I'm rich.

Yeah, but they don't love you. I go, you could have fooled me. The way these women said my dick like the woman who's the woman who sucks my dick like that's in love with me that wants to have my children like you when you give a woman fucking two thousand dollars and she needs it and she knows if she sucks it really good that there's two thousand bucks coming the next week she's sucking it like she's in love with you like it's like that dick is like her lifeline and it's feels pretty good. And guess what? And you've heard this before.

You're not paying them for that. You're paying them to leave. So I get my dick sucked. Amazingly, like the chick is in her honeymoon phase. Like this, like the fucking veins on my dick are like a lifeline UV into her system. Then she leaves and I spend all night writing, drawing, creating. There's no like you were up all night you didn't call you didn't check in you didn't take me out and i'm like i am fucking creating

so much right now still fulfilling my my sexual needs sexual needs and then at the end of the night i cap it off with another blowjob from a different chick it's like i'm i'm sorry if that upsets you if you're like well, and it's the women. They get upset. They go. I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. This is why. First of all, it's absolutely voluntary.

Everybody's voluntary. No one's doing anything against their will. They want the money. You want to get your dick sucked. It's an awesome exchange. You know, I have a real problem with prostitution being illegal. And this is coming from a guy who has daughters. And I don't want my daughters to be prostitutes but i don't also don't want them working at

fucking denny's i don't i don't want them working as uh garbage people well like i said the women i'm fucking aren't like i mean they're sex workers they're not like hookers i find on the street or like i go online they're just people i know that i've offered them money oh so that you've like created i created them wow so they only work for you. Well, who knows? Sort of, maybe. Who knows? Maybe I lit something up inside them.

That's a great gig, though. Yeah. I mean, look, there's a friend that I... Like, I'm paying you money to get away from me. Yeah. I really like you. It's not just like, where's the money? And looking at the clock, it's like, I like you.

We had a good time. Use this money. Go to real estate school or like whatever you're gonna do but i need my time now that's what i'm paying for as a rich guy i value my time and that's why when you said earlier what's the most you ever paid it's like when i do fall in love and catch feelings the worst std you can catch it's like uh it's like oh fuck um i just wasted three months with a bitch that just fucked with my shit and like is like trying to like play games with me and fuck me over and it's like can happen right yeah it can happen it can really happen it can really fuck you up if you you get involved with someone who's manipulative who wants to control you and i live in la dude i live in la

you know yeah and you've got money so you're a target i look joe i feel like a catch i feel like i'm a soldier and i'm like in a war and i'm like chris rock has this joke right he's like you don't want to be the first anything you don't want to be the first black president you don't want to be the first black baseball player he's like i'm butchering his joke right now but he's like do you want to be jackie robinson nigger nigger this or you want to be daryl strawberry coke blonde whores like you know it's like so like when I'm sitting here going, Hmm, who was the only Asian guy that fucked the white chick on TV? It's like one guy, Steven Yoon.

And it's like, we're like sort of the first everything, you know? So it's a little bit stressful. I'd rather be, I'd rather like, I'd rather be like 10 other weird, wacky Asian guys. And then like, you know, and Jackie Chan doesn't count. I'd rather be like number 10 or 20 down the list, you know? Like, I don't want to be the guy in the forefront, but guess what? I'm not complaining. Well, I am complaining, but I'm here.

I'm going to do my job, and I'm going to do it as best I can, you know? If I had an armchair psycho analyze you, I would say that you spend a lot of time conflicting with other people's expectations and opinions of you. Very conflicted. But why? Because you seem so free when you do your own thing. But now this is the question. Right. Is part of what makes you enjoy your life the fact that you reject these other people's expectations and their definitions of you and you get to live free

on your own and you're proving that you're successful. You're creating great art. You're having fun. Your podcast is well received. You're getting all this attention. You're David motherfucking Cho. On top of the fact that all these people want you, your dad's calling you, you're embarrassing our country, you're fucking everything up. Girls are mad at you.

You're only fucking hookers. You're a piece of shit. Right. And meanwhile, you're creating all this great art and you're living in chaos and squalor. I'm George Costanza. I'm the guy. You're not that guy. No, no, no.

You're David fucking Cho. You're going to laugh. So recently, I was having sex with this girl that has a lot of lines on her hands. Lines? Like not wrinkles, but a lot of these lines so i said hey that like like a lot like hundreds of unusual unusual so i said hey you've ever been to a palm reader so she said no so i said let's go to a palm reader so we went to the palm reader and i was like fuck i'll get my palm read too and she she goes what are you i go i'm left-handed she goes let me see your right hand first and so i flipped my hand over and she goes wow very enlightened you? I go, I'm left-handed. She goes, let me see your right hand first. And so I flipped my hand over and she goes, wow, very enlightened internally inside, like not much

bothers you very evolved. Like, and I go, okay. And she goes to flip over your left hand. She goes, Whoa, externally you fucking complain about everything and you whine and you bitch and your mouth is very blunt and you get in a lot, a lot trouble and it's like i didn't grow up around koreans i grew up around jews so that whole like larry david humor like the whole woody allen shit that's what i grew up around so yeah i can shit sit here and like fucking complain about everything but at the end of the day you're right and it doesn't it doesn't fucking bother me i am very free i can just in second say, fuck this podcast and just quit it. What I'm saying is I think part of what makes you happy is this battle. Definitely. Well, that's just being Korean.

I mean, there's nothing I could do about that. Really? Yeah. Being Korean makes you want to fight against things? I talked to Bourdain about this on the show. It's like they probably have it in every culture, their own version of it. But in Korean, it's called Han. And it's like genetic.

It's like you're just like I have a friend who has adopted a korean son and he has his own kid and he goes my normal kid is just you know because he's rich he's like he all my kids have everything they could ever want but this korean one he just wakes up with a scowl on his face every morning i go yeah welcome to fucking korea dude like it's like you're just like david chang he's a genetic he's one of my best friends he's like a my twin brother and he he does like with cooking what i do with art like just fucking goes at it and he's very successful he's like on the cover of time and all these magazines and the best chef in the world and all this shit and when i hang out with him i mean he makes me look like he's it's just piss and vinegar like fucking i go why are you so angry i sound like you talking

to me right now and he's like come on dude it's like all the kimchi in our blood or whatever but it's korea's a small island or it's not islands a small country that's been invaded by japanese and fucking chinese and everyone's always trying to take over korea so it's like almost like a evolution like built-in hate system of just being born like right hard workers man yeah hard workers it's it's like i don't know there's a lot of similarities between jews and koreans i think in on that end you know i grew up with a lot of koreans yeah so you know what i'm talking about no environment you know what i'm talking about right now i mean i was i was around koreans constantly they're loud you know the other thing about him is i've never met

more people like as a group that are more dedicated to hard work and like if you don't work hard if you're not miserable from working hard all the time, you feel like a piece of shit. Right. Like, I had a friend. He was on the national. My friend, Jung-Sik. Jung-Sik Chang. Yeah.

He was national Taekwondo champion. And at the same time, he was going through his fucking residency. Yeah. Medical residency. Right. So, this guy was always tired. Right. This is how I would see him.

Like this. Always tired. And then he would just fucking work out really hard. Go for it. And then be exhausted. Right. He would be at school and he was training so he would like be studying all day and then he would run upstairs he run up the flights of stairs at the university right he was constantly tired

constantly miserable but he felt like if he didn't live like that right and i haven't be happy that's in me that's in my blood and and so let me take it straight down to comedy and let me get racist for a second i mean people ask i'm sure they ask you who's your favorite comedian i'm like okay forget specifics who's your favorite comedian blacks jews and koreans what koreans what koreans well it's like bobby lee like okay so if i take it just to Asians, there's not like Chinese comedians. I mean, there are. Right. But there's no Japanese big...

It's like all the big funny comedians that are successful in America are Bobby Lee, Dr. Ken Jeong. They're all Korean. But I think this is assimilation. Why aren't there Japanese big comedians? I mean, I can't think of one right now. Or why aren't there huge Chinese? And why are there so many Jewish comedians? I mean, I can't think of one right now. Or why aren't there huge Chinese? And why are there so many Jewish comedians? Well, they've been here long.

This persecution, this torment, part of the culture. Why is Howard Stern miserable? Why is Jerry Seinfeld miserable? Why is Larry David miserable? They're so rich. Right. You have nothing to complain about. You're a billionaire.

You have... Why? And that's sort of what you're asking me right have why and that's like sort of like what you're asking me right now i don't know why i'm so angry it's just there but it's like it's just like i don't know how to define like i don't know why jews are so funny i don't know why koreans are so funny i don't know why blacks are so funny but what do they have in common persecution persecution misery and don't you think though that like as Japanese and Chinese, as generations go on, they become more assimilated, especially because of the internet. You're going to see more and more Chinese comedians, more Japanese comedians, things along those lines, don't you think?

As they become more entrenched in the art form. Yeah, maybe. Who knows? I don't know. Dude, you could be a comic, and I'm not bullshitting. You laugh about that. No, I love it. I called you after I saw that video i'm like dude that shit is really funny thanks joe i appreciate like that's your first time on stage you were those notes that you had on a table

like you wanted to talk about i i i would my whole thing is always you know for me that's horrifying because you know in the same way comedy is solitary you're not up there with anyone unless you're like some other's brothers and you're a comedy duo or something but it's like i didn't want to have an act i want like like when i come here like it's like i was like i just want to make everyone sure that i'm actually giving this away this money and that's all i'm like and then everything else i'm like we'll just riff you know right right it's like you can just you know i had so i was like i want to go up there with no act. And then like, I started like writing stuff down, but it's whenever I write stuff, it

just ends up being like dicks. Yeah. I mean, he's been drawing the whole time we've been on this podcast. I'm cross hatching the balls. There's a dick with cum squirting out of it. This is the whole time he's been on this podcast. He's been drawing. So I'm going to auction that piece off.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the, uh the close-up of me doing the comedy special and it looks like i wrote some flash cards they're all just drawings of dicks like on the side like it's just so that's all that that was yeah and so i'm like i'm gonna like when i see the black guys um on on the corner like hit on every single girl they're like hey what's up and i'm like dude does that really work and they're like no but the one time it works out of 100 it's worth it you know right so when when when i was you know thinking about doing stand-up or whatever i'm like okay so if i get if i bomb like the worst like boo you suck and they throw oranges or i don't know what they throw tomatoes tomatoes do they really do that i don't know i heard um

it's like okay so what like a i already like pain like that you know it's like win-win for me if i'm humiliated i'm like oh i tried it i sucked so i just was like fuck it i'm gonna go for it and i i was like i don't want to act i know i'm talking to college students so i'll try to like stay on college topics and how dumb it is but um yeah who did that with you what do you mean it's just you it was just you yeah it was just me and who organized that show um so i get asked to colleges to talk about like art and whatever right and i and i never do it i used to do it a long time ago and then it's like you know someone's like dave it's very like almost like motivational tony robbins kind of speaking kind of shit and i

was like like some tom vu shit be like man you make the money and I was like um you know because I know how to make money right if you stripped away everything took all my money I could go out and figure out how to make money again like it's it's not like I'm very confident with that so I you know when they approached me they were like hey we would like to speak you know you like to speak at UCLA it's very prestigious Bill Clinton Dave Chappelle Michael Moore all these people did and I like to speak you know you'd like to speak at ucla it's very prestigious bill clinton dave chappelle michael moore all these people did it and i was like well what do you want me to do and they're like talk about whatever you want i go well then i'm gonna try stand up and they're like oh we didn't know you're a comedian i go i'm not and they go uh this is awkward and i go well i what do you mean like you're gonna tell jokes

and stuff i was like yeah sure and not and they're like um yeah all right cool so and you wore a nice red suit yeah and since i did that i did it five more times and it's like it's so fun i can't did you do it in hawaii with bobby lee i did it in hawaii he that fucking asshole so he's like before before the show he's like david i get it you're like a weird warhol like artsy fucking faggy dude i get it but you don't speak the language of comedy you don't speak the like i need a real i need a real opener dave not you and my fucking brother touching each other he's like i need a you don't i need the audience to get ready for when i get on stage like i don't want you up

there doing some weird artsy fucking fake rape shit or whatever like i need a real comedian and i go fuck you dude fuck you you're such a piece of shit and um and he goes and you know it was last minute he couldn't find anyone and i said hey hey fuck face guess what i've seen your stand-up 10 times i have your act memorized i'm gonna do your exact act before you gotta go what the fuck are you gonna do about it and his face changes he goes because i thought he thought that's me being delusional i thought he thought it would be funny he's like don't do that dave i go he goes that's like me going to your like if i had an art show or if you had an art show and i had like the counterfeit of that right next door i'm like cool then i would just paint something else like you as

a real comedian if i just sabotage your whole act should be able to go up there and talk about weird hawaiian shit or like anything you know because he's funny enough and i that's me being a weird guy like trying to push him and he's like please don't do that and i'm like i'm not gonna do that you asshole so i go up and he's just like can you do it can you do 10 minutes i'm like dude i did two hours at ucla without fucking any notes or anything. Like just, and they had to kick me off the stage. I could have gone four hours.

And I hear those like Chappelle and those guys do like the 14 hour. Those are never good. Yeah. Yeah. So I go up there and I, and it's me and I did like a smothers brothers comedy routine with his brother. Like we just riffed off each other on all the weird shit that happened just on the flight to Hawaii. And so we're just killing and he's on the flight to Hawaii. And so,

we're just killing and he's on the side of the stage and he's like, it was like a movie. He's like, get him off the stage. They're fucking killing. I don't want to follow that.

And I was like, yes. He didn't want to follow it? He didn't want to follow us. If you're listening right now, Bobby, fuck you, motherfucker.

Wow. Fucking killed your ass, you little bitch. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. No, Bobby,

but Bobby killed after us. He's the fucking, I love him. He's just fucking, that's what I'm a real deal he goes for it you know yeah bobby lee's a real deal yeah he's really crazy the first time i met bobby i met bobby fuck it was like the 90s and uh bobby it was in san diego he wasn't on mad tv he wasn't doing anything back then he was just doing stand-up at the comedy store in la jolla yeah this is probably like shit 95 or something right 96 maybe i don't know a long time ago right and it was with a bunch of comics went to a strip club and there's these mexican gangbangers in the strip club one of them had long hair and tattoos on his face this is the 90s he had tattooed tears on his face. Right. And he had eyes.

Like, he had these eyes. You looked in them, you knew this motherfucker had seen some shit. Right. I don't know if he'd killed people. Right.

I don't know. I don't know what. I'm just guessing. But if I had to guess, fuck yeah, he's killed people. Right. And Bobby, somehow or another,

insulted him by talking to his girl. Like, there was a girl that, like, maybe it was his girlfriend. Right. Who was a dancer there and Bobby talked to the girl. Yeah. And a girl that like maybe it was his girlfriend. Right. Who was a dancer there and Bobby talked to the girl.

Yeah. And the guy stood up and Bobby was like, fuck these bitches. They don't know shit. Right. You know, like, and I was like, you're going to get me killed. Right. I go, you either, we're leaving right now. You coming with me or I'm fucking leaving you here.

Right. And me, and I think it was Jimmy Schubert was with me. We ran outside and jumped in my car. I had a Toyota Supra. Right. We jumped in my fucking car and bobby like barely made it in time to get into the back seat and we fucking took off i love that shit i'm like we're gonna get shot right like i know the look of people that will shoot you right and that guy

will fucking shoot you right i'm pretty sure but he in a similar way he has that this weird korean energy and like like a real artist like a real self like he's self-destructive completely super self-destructive he told some stories on the podcast about going down to mexico in the middle of like filming mad tv right he would leave the set go down to mexico do drugs he's carrying a fucking kitchen knife right get hookers yeah come back gacked out of his fucking mind holding on to the knife just completely wired to the gills like at mad tv with a giant knife on him he's just so fucking crazy yeah but yeah the same kind of like the rebellion against this ultra suppressive childhood yeah for sure but that's you david show don't ever get rid of that suck my fart song all right we got to get out of here this this this contest DVD asa.com Joe. Thank you. Thank you, man

Thank you. Thank you. Always a good time. My brother. I'm glad we got to talk about this Yeah, you know what a year and talk about your the controversy in a way where people I think they'll understand you now better Well, look, I I like going on Stern. I like going on your show I like I like talk like it's sort of hard to talk to people that don't like, they're like, shut the fuck up. Right. You know? And it's like, I know you, I know you would understand, you know? And like, thank you for calling me.

And that meant a lot to me. And yeah, I appreciate it. DVDSA.com. It's back. It's back. There's about 70 episodes. Broadcasting from an insane asylum. This book that no one wanted to put out.

That's pretty much almost sold out. There's, if you want to get it, it's at davidshow.com. And this money, I'm giving it. The contest ends on Halloween, but I'm going to give it away on November 2nd during our whole fuck fest during that thing. Listen, man, I hope you kick diabetes. I hope you get healthy. But don't change.

Don't change. I'm not going to change. Fuck the haters. Fuck the haters. David Cho, ladies and gentlemen. Literally. Good night, everybody I'm not going to change. Fuck the haters. Fuck the haters. David Cho, ladies and gentlemen. Literally. Good night, everybody. Big kiss.

Thank you. Wow. That was fun.