The Joe Rogan Experience - #575 - Matt Fulchiron

Episode Date: November 13, 2014

Matt Fulchiron is a stand-up comedian and also hosts his own podcast called "The Full Charge Power Hour" available on Spotify.

The Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night! All day! The full charge is here! Yeah! Can you type and not look at the screen? Yeah, I took a typing class in high school, had no idea it was going to pay off so huge.

I can barely do it i can't do it my mom's a receptionist i can type it runs in the fucking bloodline crazy bro you got skills to pay the bills even if this comedy thing doesn't work out i can still type like a kelly girl fuck it's amazing that's amazing i wish that was still a thing the full motherfucking charge is here it's good to be here on a special day good to be good to be here with you brother um comedy store tonight oh yeah my first set at the comedy store in seven years i went there the other night it was just too much fun it's great i gotta go back it's not the same sadness that it turned into when you left no it's way more upbeat it's crazy the management's great everybody's like all professional and everything like uh and that show they do that roast battle show holy shit is that that might be one of the best shows like for an audience member

to attend in la it's fun it's so fun it's so well done yeah all those dudes that are then in the well this week there were terrorism guys in In some weeks, there are black guys. What are they called? The Negro Wave League? What are they called? Oh, my God. Jeremiah Watkins, who's also the host of the Death Squad podcast, Thunder Pussy, is a hilarious comic in his own right.

But he's a part of this little group that during the roast battle, when a joke does really well, they run on stage and do these crazy antics. And the terrorist guys, this joke murdered. It just murdered. And they ran on stage and they waterboarded a dude. They threw a towel over his mouth, poured water in his mouth. I mean, because you know it's like when someone kills with a bit. They're like, oh, shit.

Oh, shit. And this is a small room. Where we saw this is in the belly room The commons Which might hold A hundred people If you stuffed Everybody to the gills There might have been A hundred people

In there that night Yeah hanging out The windows And everything I mean people Are just Just crammed Into this fucking spot

And we had A great fucking time We really had A good time It was really fun I saw a joke Go over so well One time

In the negro wave league There was one white guy And they threw All this paper on the ground at first just kind of before the sketch started right and they start picking it up and it's cotton basically because this white guy starts whipping them all oh my god it's over the top dude and they got a whites only section that says racist shit totally racist shit it is a sign on their table that says, White's only. It's really good. And, you know, it's just fucking good. And Brian Moses, who hosts it, he's fucking funny, man. He's really good.

He's funny, and he's great at that gig. It's reminiscent of 8 Mile and the whole, the MC battles. And he's very Mackay Pfeiffer or whatever that guy's name is. You know what I like, too, that he says, hey, at the end of it all, we hug it out. Yeah. You know, I like that, man. Like, it comes, the whole thing comes off like what it is. It's a joke writing contest.

Did you know that if two white guys go head to head, that they're allowed to say the N word once each? I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're allowed to. They're allowed to. But they got in trouble. They should make everybody put their phones in a basket when they go into that place.

They really do. Because someday someone's going to be on stage. And the people that are on fucking whatever super progressive blog that gets this video. That's already happened. I'm sure it is. Brian said something about it the other night. He goes, listen, if you get easily offended, get the fuck out of here. What happened on a blog?

Somebody wrote about the N-word's thrown around a lot in that room. From the whites only, from the black guys, from the judges, from the all-Negro wave crew. They say it a lot. And who is the guy?

And somebody went home and blogged about it. Really? Yeah. That's how it goes down now. Los Angeles, the comedy store giving white comics

an N-word pass. Oh, that's so funny. As you're saying, it's gotten more professional at the comedy store. But that's so funny. More old school, at least. It's so funny that someone, first of all, someone just doesn't get what they're doing at a place like the comedy store. In a show like the Roast Battle. The whole point of the thing is pushing it.

Over the top. Way over the top. Over the top. In the most ridiculous unrealistic no one's actually saying that it's almost the white section is almost pro wrestling yeah the whole thing is pretty much pro wrestling yeah it's very in a lot of ways it's which is one of the reasons why hinchcliffe fucking loves it absolutely battle battle battle it's fucking great love it great goddamn show so i went there for that and then i went there for ari's taping of his show and it was just too fun i was like i gotta come back it just doesn't seem like what i was running from you know the old school vibe is there again like just i don't know it's just really cool there's a lot of energy there it's

like swanky classy and but kind of dirty and down and out there's no place like that yeah there's no place like that and i felt it when i was there i was like this place there's something you know it used to be ciros nightclub back in the 19 whatever's the early the bugsy seagull owned it and the the story that we always heard from everybody there was that it's haunted and that a bunch of people have been killed there right right and they say there's a sniper point in the green room looking down on the man well there is yeah there it's not a sniper point but there's a small window right but apparently it was like what jerry lewis wanted like jerry lewis wanted to watch the opening act so he could i guess know where they're at so

you get nervous yeah well you know so you can get a view see how everything's going right now like in case they didn't have cell phones they couldn't text somebody oh you know this is this fucking crowd sucks a dick you know right they couldn't and there's no way to let each other know you couldn't call hey just to let you know there's a guy a drunk guy in the front row and you know yeah so i guess he just would watch the opening act or maybe he's you know maybe he's insecure your opening act keeps saying killing yeah exactly there's guys who tell you to take it down a notch i've heard guys on the road like uh work with guys and guys tell them dude you're going a little too hard slow down yeah i've i've had people tell me not to do certain jokes really that that really didn't kill their jokes you know what i mean whoa whoa whoa did they tell you not to do it at like i was

just starting out and i had this closer and it was very hip hop oriented. Yeah. And this guy, and he's an awesome comic. I won't even say who it is because I think he's awesome. But he was like, hey, I got one hip hop joke, so you can't do it. And it really hurt me at the time because it's all I really had. Hmm. You know, but that's life. That doesn't, that doesn't seem too bad. That's a tricky one, man.

Yeah. You know, like I've worked with guys before and you know they're opening for me and they touch on the same subject that i'm going to touch on later it's like unless you've already been doing a bit and then the dude does it and he's opening for you and then it's kind of like you're paying someone to trip you up right you know yeah you can that can that can be argued i guess yeah i mean maybe is, maybe, didn't harm his bit, you say? No way. This guy was way too funny to have anything I say harm him.

But there's just like maybe a paranoia or something there. Yeah. You know? Maybe. I don't know. I was telling Brian earlier, it's like the road trick is just to go, hey, Brian was talking about this earlier. And then you do your fucking thing.

That is, yeah. You know, that's all you have to do, really. Yeah. That's the road trick. Yeah. And that's a great way to segue into it it so you don't pretend that it wasn't already discussed exactly 40 minutes ago or the subject wasn't yeah that you know brian callan had an interaction with a guy on the road once and um it was it was real weird because i was on brian's side

because you know brian's a great friend but i was also not on his side you know it's hard he worked with some guy and the guy opened for him and the guy apparently in the course of like his bombing like he wasn't doing so well um he started uh talking to the crowd and like uh telling the crowd just some shit that whatever. Just something about the way they were reacting or the way the show was going to be for the rest of it. It was some non-funny thing. He was just talking to them. And Brian goes, what are you doing? Why are you just talking to them?

And he goes, hey man, that's my time on stage. He's like, no, you're opening up for me and you weirded the whole crowd out. You started bombing and then you started talking about comedy or talking about why they're not laughing at you or whatever the fuck it was i don't remember specifically but i remember thinking like man i kind of see both sides apart like the guy sucked right he wasn't doing well but we all sucked at one point oh yeah like how do you not suck and that's also how you um get past sucking is to go all right jokes are off the table i'm just going to talk like a regular human being now sort of maybe at certain times jokes record your shit listen to what what's not funny about i mean there's a bunch of things that you can do

but you know it's weird when a guy tells you not to do something it is and you just like i don't know like the only thing that i could see is like what i said earlier like say if you have your bit about uh the dolphin bit like if you had a guy who went on before you who also did like a super similar bit about having sex with something like really similar you know like a monkey or something like that something smart you know you could be like super trippy like it would trip you up meaning you know like if you went up and did your bit like the whole premise has been kind of beaten down even if it's a different joke yeah yeah and that's my dolphin bit actually started as a sex type joke about

having sex with a dolphin and then now it's not has nothing to do with sex with the dolphin isn't that interesting how that happens it's like when you come up with a bit like it starts off as like a seed and then from there it goes off and sometimes like just a tagline becomes a totally different branch that becomes a totally different tree and and a lot of the lines come from all right you didn't get a laugh at first and then you're trying to save it yep and then you're on a totally different page you know there's a what just some weirdness in the room you went left when you should have went right and a new line just pops into your head. Absolutely.

Just for whatever weird reason. That's why, like, the act of comedy, like creating comedy, it's so complicated. No one exactly knows where all that shit's coming from. It seems like the only consistent thing that seems to work for me is you just got to do a ton of sets.

Yeah, it's about doing it, because, like, you can sit there and, like, memorize your bit, and you're like, it's got to go exactly like this. You do it exactly like that, it doesn't go over that well. Then you start talking, you start riffing, and all of a sudden all this stuff you just made up on the spot is way funnier. Way funnier.

Sometimes. You need the audience there. Sometimes it's dick sandwich, son. Sometimes it's dick and poop on bread. Yeah. And you just got to eat it. You got to eat it. Like you like it.

So it's like, I kinda get that Brian was saying, hey, this guy's bumming out the crowd before my set. Yeah. But then I kinda get that this guy is, you know, he's just doing his shit.

That's why I take guys I know with me on the road. Absolutely. That way I know, you know, I know what Ari does, I know what Brian does, I know whatever, you know,

we know what everybody does. And it's funny. So you get to enjoy it. Like, I like enjoying enjoying stuff the worst is when you don't like a guy and you're working with them and then they're laughing at him you're like they're laughing at this guy it sucks you out or it's like yeah it's like if they like this shit yeah how are they gonna like me but even if they do you like i don't even like you guys. I saw what you liked. You like awfulness. One thing that we ran into last week in Toronto is, I mean, all the people were really funny, but getting people that you don't know thrown up in front of you, because it could go really

bad, and it could go really good. Luckily, there was a lot of funny people in Toronto, but we did this one show, and this one guy who opened it up did 10 minutes opening. He was only supposed to do five. And it was some of the worst comedy you ever. It was one of those where the guy's just screaming at the audience like, right, right, guys. Like, like trying to make them say, yes, you're right. All right.

That's funny. You know, it was awful. Homeboys in a panic. What? Was it angry or was it just loud? Loud and just inexperienced. And just like the audience just sat there and watched him. Was it angry or was it just loud? Loud and just inexperienced. The audience just sat there and watched him, but he was trying to get them,

like, no, you have to respond, respond. Bullying? Bullying the audience? Bullying, bullying. Well, you know what it is, man? It's just misguided energy. He's just trying to get a result, and it's just not happening, so he thinks if he's just really big. Sometimes people will watch him stand up and they go, i know how to make it i know how to do it

sure i'm gonna do what kevin hart does i'm just gonna do that kind of thing and they'll just literally try to emulate but kevin hart's funny is his funny he knows how to do that funny like if you try to do that funny it could fuck you up it'll definitely it'll definitely like sort of hide whatever real fun is inside of you. You'll be trying to be Dane Cook. You'll be trying to be Steve Byrne. Whoever it is that you think is funny. And when you do that, man, it can really fuck with your head.

Absolutely. It takes so many years. It takes longer in comedy than anything else, right? It takes three years. I think neurosurgery is probably way longer than comedy. I think a bunch of things you could do quicker than, or that would take a way longer time than being able to get a laugh consistently.

You're right about that. But doesn't it take most guys like three years to even be like somewhat funny? Sometimes. Sometimes it's really funny out of the gate, like within a couple of years. It depends on how much Alcoholics Anonymous they've had. Right, right, right. They've had to get up in front of those people and talk. How much substitute teaching they've done.

Dude, we had a guy back in Boston, rest his soul, he's passed since, but his name was Dave Fitzgerald, and he was a funny guy, man, and he fucking, he learned how to do stand-up completely from doing Alcoholics Anonymous speeches. He was a guy who, like, was long-standing drunk, you know, and then got his shit together, started doing stand-up at these meetings like started telling his stories and his stories were fucking hilarious his stories of you know excess and just had a great delivery and timing yeah that fucking guy was a solid professional like inside of a year nice he just whatever reason like we were all

like marveling at him like the guy used to be a drunk but look at how organized he is right you know he's constantly performing and networking and he got sick i don't know whatever happened to the guy but i think something some cancer or something he died a couple guys from boston were really funny died of cancer but this guy my point being that he did something else like if you do something else like some guys like uh like your buddy was in bands um dean delray dean delray right and like being on stage all the time and being in bands he had a point about that it's like you kind of understand what it's like to be on stage so that that part of it is like not as difficult right yeah i mean he jumped into it pretty quick you know i mean he started i don't

know like five six years ago but he was been in a band for what 25 years like and he toured with some of some major acts yeah uh so yeah he i mean i i used to do open mic with him at the beginning and he jumped right into it well they're gonna get him on he's got some funny fucking stories i saw him on dom herrera's podcast it was really funny yeah because he's toured with bands for what like decades yeah yeah dude he's got a story. Go to the Dom Herrera one. He's got a, don't go to it now, but I mean, if people listening to this,

go to the Dom Herrera podcast and he's got this story about, I think it's Joe Walsh shitting his pants on stage that he put waders on because they were going to fire him. Like he really did have diarrhea, but he was such a mess.

He was constantly missing shows and shit. So they were like, dude, if you do this, they're going to fucking sue you. Like you got to perform. So he put fishing waders on and just shit his pants while he was on stage and it's it's dean dean does a great job telling the story it's really really fucking funny and it's a good podcast so dom herrera has uh live from the laugh factory with dom herrera and can't say enough things about dom check it out dom's the shit i love that guy he's just so

classic he's the man he's so classic he's always funny and in you know when he's at his best in situations like thunder pussy you know like when he was judging thunder pussy oh my god he's a murderer or kill tony kill tony oh did i say thunder pussy yeah you don't judge thunder pussy kill tony you know the one with the yeahcliffe's obviously But he's so fucking funny On it The one he and I did It was He's just so good

He's such a Like I love A classic Stand up comic Like that With the attitude And the authority And just the jokes

And the whole deal The whole deal The whole deal Just love that guy So You know I saw him The other day too Joey was there

The other day At the Comedy Store, too. Just felt great. Felt great to just be there. It's weird. I was watching the YouTubes last night with you and Mencia. Oh, he's hosting the show tonight. That would be hilarious. I almost asked.

You should have asked. I think that would have been funny. It would have been the funniest shit of all time. If he would say yes. I was actually on that show that night. I think that would have been funny. It would have been the funniest shit of all time. If he would say yes. I was actually on that show that night. I opened up the show that night. Did you really? Yeah, absolutely.

Oh my God. Was that 2007? Was it 2007? I believe it was, yeah. It was like February or something. Yeah. I still have the seven page letter that Crazy sent me from the comedy store. So did you get in trouble with the comedy store after that?

Yeah, a little bit. Something went down. What exactly did they say? It's a long story. Okay. The guy behind it is gone anyway. Gotcha. It's all, it's different there.

I went there the other night too, man. And when Ari was filming a special, I plopped myself right down next to Pauly. Yeah, I saw that. I almost shit myself because people are like, dude, go look inside this room right now. And I look over and I'm like, Joe and Pauly sitting in there talking. Well, I looked at him like, I don't have a problem with this dude. I can go be friendly with this dude. I just sat down.

Next time I shook his hand and we had a nice little conversation. We had a nice little conversation about how happy he was that Ari was doing the special in the original room. Really cool. And I was like, yeah, I mean, it's a classic room. And, you know, Pauly was like, yeah, and he's so comfortable here. Like, it was a nice little conversation we had. So it was good. Yeah, he's very, Pauly's very matured now, it seems like, the more I lately.

Well, he's like 16. Yeah. How dare you? I think it's totally unfair to judge anybody based on who they were. Right. You kind of know who they are, but to say that that's who you are that defines you right now in this current moment, it's pretty unfair. Yeah.

So I try not to do it as much as possible but there's you know there's obvious exceptions like ted bundy was out i'd probably have to kill him sure you know i'm saying like there's certain dudes like you can't get away with what you can't cut women's pussies out and put them on your head and some things you can't shake off photos and then you get out of jail and then i'm gonna yeah you did that in the past we're gonna we're judge you on that. We're going to hold you to that. We're just going to end it for you. But, you know, there's people that you become enemies with that it's almost like you get in a pattern of remaining their enemy.

So it's like, and I was never enemies with Pauly. Enemies with Mincia. Never really enemies with Pauly. But you get into this sort of a thing where it's this is just what we do you know we can't just let it go like I hate that guy what he tried to do to me and this and that and then he turned around with and everything this goes on for like years and years where you like the echoes of one conversation or the echoes of one interaction can like remain with you for your whole life.

Just because you choose it, that person remains your enemy. You put so much vested interest and energy into it. It's a complete waste. And if you can just, whenever you have like these little conflicts with people, just as many times as is possible, resolve them. Absolutely. You'd be amazed at the psychic weight that's lifted off your soul when you do that i think you're amazed you're amazed it'd be in a really negative space every time you think about that totally yeah totally yeah people that you have like there's there's some conflict in

life that it's unnecessarily necessary you know i mean it's it's necessary but it's it's unnecessary in the sense that if we were all living in utopia if we all had our shit together if everybody was cool and balanced it wouldn't be taking place the vast majority of conflicts wouldn't be taking place because if you really think about how many people there are on earth and think about how little actual conflict there is everybody was always wants to dwell on the horrible aspects of our our current existence they won't you know iraq and afghanistan and murder and crime a woman walked down new york city street for 10 hours and all she got was

men that wanted to fuck her you know yeah i i understand that that's an issue i sure i do understand like i have daughters i have mom, I don't want anybody feeling harassed by a bunch of apes. Sure. Just because some dude's like, yo, yo, I got something. I got a picture on my wall.

I think I've talked about it before. It's from like 1951. It's an American woman in Italy and she's walking down the street. Have you ever seen it? It's a classic image. It's a huge picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's these guys from like 1940 or whatever the fuck it is yeah and they're holding their dicks hey over here with this fucking broad oh with the scongeal over here with the goddamn look at that fucking piece of this and this is like i used to think that people were like fucking father knows best back then yeah well you know i i heard that i mean obviously those guys actually acted like that,

but I read that that photo was somewhat staged in that they did a couple takes of it. No. And they knew they were going to get it. That's the picture. They knew they were going to get it. Dude, that's reality TV in fucking 1951 or whatever it was. What year is it, Brian? Does it say? I don't know.

I'd love that picture. She knew the photographer. And they set that up, kind of. I mean, even though they're actually really apes yelling at her. Oh, those are real apes. Yeah. That's real. The way they grow up.

That's my people. That's my ancestors. Savage monkey fucking folk. They're savage monkey folk. I'm allowed to say that because I'm Italian. I'm glad that I'm Italian because I could shit on Italian behavior or some Italian behavior. 1951. 1951. 1951 1951 and yeah they're animals look at them but it's tony hinchcliffe you know that that woman walking down the streets

in new york some of it they should have just not left in the video because it really fucked with their point because some of it was like god bless you have a beautiful day you look beautiful yeah some of it i mean come on That's how people meet each other What bothered me a lot Was this one guy Who stood next to her And kept walking with her That guy was a creep

Yeah That guy was a piece of shit There was a couple guys That were real legit pieces of shit And that I think Should have been highlighted In that video That these guys

Are out there And that a girl could get You know just stuck Your wife You know your girl Your mom Yeah Can get stuck next to some asshole who's creeping on her that was real but you know hey beautiful

you know god bless you i got a lot of shit because i said i i just tweeted that video when it came out and i said uh god this has to be annoying because i was thinking if it was me just trying to walk down the street yeah Yo, Redman! Hey! Because for me, that would drive me crazy. You would just be able to high-five the dudes and keep walking. But I wouldn't want to do that. No one would want to stick their penis inside you and ejaculate. I don't want any interaction with people that I don't know. Now, how great would it be?

Well, then why are you doing shows? And why are you doing a podcast? What the fuck are you talking about? You're in show business. Because these people know me more than anyone I know in real life. You're telling me you wouldn't like to walk down the street and have girls try to fuck you you talking about? You're in show business Because these people know me More than anyone You're telling me Than I know in real life You wouldn't like to walk down the street

And have girls try to fuck you all day long No Hold up These people know you More than anybody in real life You mean people listen to the podcast Yeah People that listen to the podcast

Know me more than Like my friends back home in Ohio Well they listen to the podcast Or my parents Or my sister Because these people know Hours and hours And years and years of almost a biography of all of us. This is the last place you want people to judge you.

I know. You on this podcast is literally the last place on earth you should have. This is basically me. Like if Smash Adams made a compilation of you, if you're confused as to who Brian is, watch this. Those guys, people walking down the street, street they just be running at you asking questions hey do you believe in evolution why are black dicks so much more delicious brian you don't have fucking answers all right and take it take this this is how i kind of mean if i were to imagine my sister walking down the street and this happening to my sister non-stop i would be pissed off if

all these guys are pretty much just like 100 you know like hawks in a in a wounded animal you know well some of them but some of them were like hey beautiful and like she would walk by hey beautiful right you know and here's something that someone told me online someone i read this someone was saying that they have a friend who's a girl who's from South America and in South America women like it

like women would be upset if they made cat calls illegal like girls like it when they walk down the street and guys start going whoa hey baby what's up baby because their butts are swole

they're wanting to meet I think I don't know if they're an estrus I'm not I don't think that's the issue I think the issue i think the issue is that they it's a different culture and that our culture is becoming hypersensitive

acutely aware of sexual assault and rape and they they connect every single act of i won't even say aggression but like like enthusiastic courting, like on the street, like even unrealistic. Like, yo, baby, won't come park that shit on my face. Has that ever worked? Has any girl ever backed up and just planted her ass on a dude's face when he said that? Probably, yeah. You know what works, though? Probably has.

Honking your horn? Honking your horn always works. That shit works every, that's how my parents met. Yeah. You could honk your horn. You could yell out the window all that stuff is valid do you remember

checks out do you remember like a year ago I told you that I was trying an experiment where I would at lights I would like honk the horn and be like

hey what's up what's up cutie and like talk to people in cars and it was really uncomfortable to do but I wanted to see what would happen

and it really was girls just sitting there like don't look over don't look over don't look over and that's and that's what i feel like that you know like even if you say hey beautiful hey beautiful these girls are like come on man like like leave me alone i'm just trying to walk for the most part i i most girls yes the reality of being a woman but don't't women accept or love aggressiveness on some level? Maybe like a subtle aggressive? Because they don't like the dude that just sits there. That's not guys they like, though.

I think women can appreciate a certain amount of aggression from a person that they like and trust. But a certain amount of aggression like that kind of aggression? Sure. The average person, obviously there's going to be women, and no one likes to say this, there's going to be women that have rape fantasies okay they do there's men who have rape fantasies yeah men who have rape fantasies of them being raped there's everybody there's everybody has their own kink sure you know so there are some people that have like maybe they have fantasies yeah like have you ever seen that louis ck jokes got a great joke about

that about how we made out with this girl and tried to push it and she said no and so he stopped and then the next day she's like what happened last night and he said what and she goes i thought you were just gonna go for it he's like what the fuck are you talking about she's like i was hoping you were just gonna go for it he goes what you think i'm gonna take a chance on the off chance that you're into it might be really into rape it's a really funny bit yeah but it's like there those people do exist absolutely but that said the majority of women don't want to be cat called when they walk down the street but there's a difference between like some of what we saw on that video and some of what you're just going to get when you pass by a group of men

right you know there's going to be a group of men that go god damn even if they don't look at you if you're hot and you walk by men they'll go jesus and what is that is that is that cat calling is that bad i don't know but if you're wearing a fucking tiny mini skirt that's just clinging to your ass and you have high heels on and you smell like the nectar of the gods and you're walking past a group of men and there's more than two guys. Yeah, we're going to curse. One guy is probably going to keep his fucking mouth shut. There's something that happens when we get in packs of apes,

where it's almost like if you get over, it exponentially gets more likely that someone's going to say something. Or three, almost. And a lot of it is men trying to make each other laugh. Right. You know, a lot of it is not even, like, trying to pick up the girl. It's certainly not being considerate of the girl's feelings, but a lot of it is like, like trying to pick up the girl it's certainly not being considerate of the girl's feelings but a lot of it is like jesus what i would do to that you know

and people fall down laugh it or we make each other laugh but there's a victim in that kind of comedy yeah i just gotta feel like shit i just curse quietly to myself i can't help it i'm just Not like that. Not like that. Not like that. Not like that. I'm fucking going to cum. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like that. That's your thing? But quieter, yeah. Do you ever like-

No, I just go, Jesus Christ. But it's in a- I know it's positive, but I keep it to myself because I don't like to make people feel uncomfortable. Yeah. The problem is there's five or six guys around. That's when it gets uncomfortable. And that's what you saw, even two or three. When you saw a lot of what she's getting cat called it was dudes like

almost making each other laugh as they were doing it yeah it's like passing the comedy store on sunset if you're you know all the comics are sitting there on the patio anytime a girl walks by like in a mini dress it's just kind of what did you just do you're gonna go social justice war is gonna be out on sunset they're gonna strap a camera to the most attractive woman they can find. The best looking one. They just pass her back and forth. Nothing. That's a game show.

That's a show right there. Just go back and forth at the comedy set. We should make a show called I'm Offended and just get fake offended at virtually everything. Did you see the fucking latest thing? I tweeted this today. And this is not bullshit. This is actually real. There is a Portland, Oregon teacher that is against peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Huh. Because she says they're inherently racist. What? That's peanut butter and jelly getting along. Dude, this is on HuffPost, okay? Peanut butter and jelly racist Portland school principal ties sandwich to white privilege. This is where we are, ladies and gentlemen, in 2014. They're saying black people can't afford it?

I don't even, I mean, I don't know. Why is that white privilege? That's white trash, isn't it? Peanut butter and jelly? Okay. Yeah, that's super white trash. Listen to this. What about Somali or hispanic students

who might not eat sandwiches gutero says according to the tribune another way would be to say americans eat peanut butter and jelly do you have anything like that let me tell you maybe they eat torta or pita oh what the fuck is going on what the fuck is going on in this country? For real. It's just a goddamn peanut butter and jelly sandwich. There's not even any meat in it. You can't even get vegan pissed at it. I really think that what's... I mean, this is going to sound completely crazy.

But I really think that what's going on when we're becoming more and more hypersensitive and more and more aware of these little things that don't mean a goddamn thing and focusing on them and spending all this energy while you have this finite amount of time in life i think people especially as we get older are fucking terrified of death we're terrified of death of death of the planet of death of our children death of our friends death of our loved ones and as it as things move on we concentrate more and more on nonsensical minutiae more and more on bullshit, more and more on stupidity. And it just,

it gets more and more ridiculous and even intelligent people. Like that's the creepiest thing about these social justice warrior folks. They're just, some of them are just completely out to lunch on some shit. But one of the things about them is they're almost all well read, almost all articulate, almost all intelligent, but yet they're getting completely roped up in this nonsense.

Like what do they, the callouts and the doxing and they're getting completely roped up in this nonsense. Like, what do they, the call-outs and the doxing and they're just spending all their time online going after perceived slights. And some of it is legit, like this Bill Cosby shit. Right. That's legit. But some of it is like peanut butter and jelly fucking sandwiches are racist? Like, how? What are you doing?

You're an adult. Couldn't be any less important. You're a fucking adult. It's not any less important. You're a fucking adult. It's not even an issue. You're making up an issue. No, I think you're right. You're definitely avoiding your more complicated thoughts when you start bringing trivia into your fucking brain.

Complete total trivia. And I also think that, I think it's just super bad for your brain. It's super bad for your brain to concentrate too much on stupid shit. Especially if it's making you angry. Because then you're just sitting in a chair angry. And it's like you need to use that energy in other ways. I mean, it's just that basic primal, ready to fight feeling. But you're just sitting in a chair.

You don't put that energy anywhere. So it's bad for your body, too. I've been paying attention to a lot of people's Twitters lately, like watching people that get into consistent Twitter wars,

and you just look at them and you're like, this person's sleeping four hours a night. This is madness. It's their whole life now. They're fighting with strangers. Dude, there's a lot of people

that are living in front of their computer saying shit, waiting for someone to respond, and then saying something back. Sometimes when someone tweets something mean to me, I just go to their site and see what they do. And it's all mean tweets.

To other people. To everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anybody that'll respond. And they always have about 13 followers. And you just got to let it go. Even if you have a good comeback, you got to let it go. Otherwise, you're in a Twitter fight in public.

I don't care if they have hundreds of thousands of followers. It's still the same thing. It's like, what are you doing? It's one thing if there's something legitimate. If there's something legitimate. For the vast majority of these discussions. Have you paid any attention to Gamergate? You know what Gamergate is?

No, what's that about? I'm fucking completely baffled. Yeah, I backed out. I did one of those things where I walked in and I was like, I don't care. Well, I definitely care, but I think it's so confusing. There's so many sides to it. This is the idea behind it. The idea is ethics and journalism on one side.

That's what they're saying. Ethics and game journalism. The other side is saying it's really about harassing women and that this woman who they initially went after, like, you know, who gives a shit and what's the big deal? And she's just a game designer. Apparently she slept with some guys. I'm butchering this story. I've heard a little bit about this. But the worst part of it, the absolute worst part of it, was all the death threats and all the negative.

Yeah, I read about this. A lot of women that wanted to speak places. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this feminist chick them uh anna i think anna sarkeesian i think thunderfoot has a bunch of hilarious videos on her but whatever her her idea is that she's trying to promote gender not just um i wouldn't say like equality in games but she just wants to discourage stereotypes and she wants to she's showing that there's some aspects of video games that

show women as objects, like you know, like the fucking, what is the vice? Grand Theft Auto. Grand Theft Auto game. There's a lot of beating women. That kind of shit. That's scary if they censor that. Well, I don't think she's necessarily saying censor it. I think she wants people to be aware of it.

And again, I'm trying to be super open-minded on all this stuff but the worst aspects of it for sure are the death threats sure and but this is where it gets really crazy some people believe this is the conspiracy theory of course some people believe that some of these in fact death threats or some of these threats aren't real and that what they're doing is trying to discredit the gamer gate movement by making it out that they're all these misogynists and creeps right so then these other people that are involved in gamer gate started this thing calling not your hashtag not your shield and it's all people of color women all these people who support ethics and game journalism who think this whole issue is getting sort of misconstrued and distorted and twisted,

but it's so, it's so convoluted and multi-sided. I think both sides have some sort of a point for sure, but I don't want in. If I was involved like deeply in video games, but they're what they're, I think what they're trying to do is they're trying to discourage this, the extreme left from taking

over like from controlling the narrative from like saying that all video gamers are misogynist all video gamers are assholes and i think for a lot of these guys they're super socially awkward yeah a lot of video gamers um they you know they're they're online all the time like it's a big percentage of their social life. Right. I know this because I used to be in a fucking Quake clan, and I used to hang out with these dudes. Like, we used to get together and have LAN parties.

I had dudes come over to my house, man, when I was on TV. Yeah. I met dudes online. Yeah. And they all came over to my house, and we had a fucking LAN party. Uh-huh. You know, I was a super dork. Right.

I used to make my own computers. I would go down to Fry's Electronics and buy a motherboard and a case. Really? Fuck yeah. Add the hard drives, the whole deal. My friend Andrew would talk me through it when shit would go bad, but for the most part I kind of figured it out. Andrew, who developed my website. Menthol. Yeah, fucking jumpers.

It always was jumpers. One little jumper could make the whole computer work or not work. It's like a Christmas light. And then there was guys that were like overclock were like overclocking they would overclock they would get these these uh these cpus that weren't as strong like these celerons remember those celeron processors you get a 300 celeron and you could jack that sucker up to like 425 and guys would put like extra fans and shit and they'd blow cold air on it yeah you know they were just trying to like and so i was involved in this culture like this is not i'm not talking

out of my ass when i talk about these guys and for a lot of these guys they're they're they're very sexually inexperienced some of them you know some of them are they're shut-ins you know a lot of ways they don't go out and they don't they don't meet a lot and so like this idea that they're you know objectifying women in these in these video games i see your point but if you look at the people that are watching these things and playing these games if you really want to think i don't i don't think you can make a real argument that it's affecting their behavior and making them go out and assault and rape. Because they're very shy people that aren't aggressive in the least. I mean, that's a huge generalization.

Obviously, I've made a generalization. Yeah. But I think that it becomes an issue of you can be a really good person who doesn't have any malice towards any sex, any gender, any orientation. You could be just a non-racist, normal, cool person and enjoy playing some fucking crazy game where you can smack a girl. Right. You know, there's a game where you're in a fight and you're shooting guns at people and, you know, every now and then a girl comes at you screaming. And you got to time the pimp slap. Swap.

Right. And then you get a 10, like a 10 shows up. Yeah. Like if you really catch her perfect with the pimp slap, and then you get a 10, like a 10 shows up, like if you really catch her perfect with a pimp slap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a real person. I know.

No, it'd be terrible to actually slap a woman in the face. It would be terrible. One of the worst things you could do. But I really think that you can do that game where you can slap a cartoon woman in the face,

and you're not a bad person i mean because it's fantasy it's just like when you watch a movie like think of any number of movies that have horrible scenes where women get beat up or how about that fucking um this quentin tarantino movie true romance true romance yeah perfect example yeah That was James Gandolfini James Gandolfini And Applegate No Arquette Arquette

Right Patricia Arquette Right Yeah Fuck dude That's tough to watch Oh my god it's tough to watch He beats the shit out of her

And she eventually kills him Yeah But I mean he's beating the shit out of her And you're watching it man You're watching this fucking movie Are you controlling it? No But you're watching a movie that's depicting a horrific scene that could possibly happen now i guess

you could say that it's different if you're playing a game because then you're an objector you have an objective you know you're doing you're accomplishing something and if this is a part of your objective is that you get to slap girls i could see how that could be kind of fucked up but all of it is fantasy. I know. And if you're a good person, I think the real issue is how much do games, or any media for that matter,

how much do they actually affect the way we behave, and how much of it is how our parents raised us, and the environment that we lived in, the actual real human friendships that we had. Yeah. How much of it is that? All I know is I've smacked a girl in a video game but never in real life and i and i don't intend to in real life unless a girl smacked

you really fucking hard and really got your irish up yeah my irish would go drink this last yeah um yeah look that was the argument when that dude knocked that girl out in the elevator. What was his name? The football player? Sean. Ray Rice. Ray Rice. Ray Rice.

Who, uh, his girlfriend cracked him or his fiance, whatever she is. And then he left hooked her and knocked her unconscious. Wow. Yeah. It's fucked up. But is he right handed? It doesn't matter. It was a short left hook.

It's a very good punch. He knows how to punch. But the point being like, yeah, absolutely. It's way fucked up to knock someone out that's your wife or, you know, anybody like that, especially a woman. You couldn't control her in some other way. However, she shouldn't have hit him either. Right.

She shouldn't have hit him. And no one's saying she shouldn't have hit him. No one's saying, hey, you crazy bitch, why'd you hit Ray Rice? It's almost like because of what he did to her in response to what she did she doesn't get blamed for what she did right so if there's a video where she just punched him in the face in an elevator and then they left do you think there would be this giant outrage where everybody was like ray rice got assaulted by his wife that woman is a terrible person she needs to be in jail is it based is it the action i've seen this is the action or is it based on how much damage you actually do with what you've

what what your action is you know i'm saying yeah like if this woman is hitting this guy and then he smacks her in the face this is take this off man i want to watch this shit um what but but look both people did the same thing. Right. It's just one person was better at it. And one person actually started it. Right. I mean, yeah, it's more fucked up

because he's a powerful man. He's a professional athlete. He obviously knocked her completely unconscious. Did a whole lot of brain trauma there. She could have died. All the above. I mean, she fucking clanged her head off that bar. The handle bar just went blang. I mean, she was out, dude head off that bar. The handle bar just went blang.

I mean, she was out, dude. It was one of the worst knockouts I've seen. And I've seen a lot of people get knocked out. That was a bad knockout. Right. But no one is saying, like, she's a bad person for hitting them. Yeah. I haven't heard it once.

But, yeah, but it's not cool. No, no one's supposed to hit anybody. Yeah. Right? And you definitely shouldn't hit a fucking super athlete in a small space. I wouldn't do that. I mean, Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's not good that he hit her, for sure.

But you're also dealing with dudes. You know, I talked to Michael Irvin about this once. And Michael Irvin works with a lot of young kids that are coming up that, you know, have been in impoverished situations growing up. And they've had a lot of violence in the family. And he was saying that your body just gets, when you're young, especially when you're going through the womb, when your mother's going through a tremendous amount of stress, your body gets almost designed to react instantaneously and make poor choices.

Like your body almost is just so shell-shocked that your body's designed to like, it's set up to deal with the trauma of a bad neighborhood. Really? And it's based on when you're still in the womb? Yeah. Is that what you said? It's based on the stress that your mother experiences while she's got you in her womb.

Jesus Christ. Crazy shit. And so you make worse decisions based on that? Yes. Or you follow your instincts more? You follow your instincts. You become more aggressive and violent. And more aggressive and violent a lot of times leads to poor thinking.

Sure. Poor planning. And, you know, he was saying that this is what a lot of these guys are dealing with. A lot of these NFL players. Right. A lot of young athletes. It's like they were literally programmed different than people that grew up in a nice house with a nice family.

Right. A nice environment. Like, they're literally hardwired in a different way because your brain thinks, okay, well this is the game we're playing. We're not playing Pokemon. We're going to go in and we're going to play fucking Aliens versus a Predator and I'm low on armor. And it's best to act quick before you're in trouble.

When you see a guy like Ray Rice clock a chick like that, literally that guy might not even be able to control that kind of a thing. I'm not giving him a free pass at all. Right. What he did was totally fucked up. I would have never done it.

But when you're dealing with head trauma, major head trauma, that guy has been hit who knows how many times. Right. Throughout high school, college, and in the pros. I mean, he has collided with some giant men. There's a 100% likelihood of head trauma going on there. Right. A hundred percent.

A hundred percent. Then you punch him. Right. You know, and who knows how much control he has over that switch. Right. You would like to say, well, me, Matt, the full charge. Sure. I have full control over my situation.

Yeah. But I don't claim to know what it's like to operate his body and mind. I definitely don't. Or hers. Why did she punch him? I wouldn't have to know what it's like to operate his body and mind. I definitely don't. Or hers. Why did she punch him? I wouldn't have punched him. Crazy bitch. I wouldn't have punched him.

Jesus Christ, woman. Crazy. I don't know. I mean, who knows? Maybe he did something that we didn't see before that. But it's just craziness. And it should be avoided at all costs. And definitely don't get married to somebody that happened to after the the fact or unless you really both don't ever do it again i mean is that possible

again can't people grow and learn and so this is beyonce's sister is that how this was i don't know no it's a totally different story you son of a bitch you're racist these are totally different groups of black people beyonce's sister started hitting Jay-Z. Okay, yeah, that's what I thought. For who knows what. Yeah. I get it mixed up. And Jay-Z just dealt with it like a pimp.

Yeah. He threw money at her. He should have. Not a fist. He should have fucking thrown diamonds on the ground until she slipped. Isn't it funny how what bitches we are, we get fascinated. What do you think he said to her? What do you think she said to him? what we were talking about we're so worried

we're worried about death and obscurity worried about space worried about the fact that we're floating around they landed a oh here's a great story they landed a fucking comet they landed on a comet and uh the guy who landed on the comet was wearing a shirt that had all these photos or these drawings of women on it. What? Yeah. You can land on a comet? They landed a drone

on a comet. It says, I don't care if you landed on a spacecraft. Landed a spacecraft. I'll say it again. I don't care if you landed a spacecraft on a comet. Your shirt is sexist and ostracizing. I'm not kidding. This is where our world is today. Don't I get a pass?

Pull this up, Brian. Pull it up. Pull it up. It's on my Twitter feed. I retweeted it. But here's the title. I don't care if you landed a spacecraft on a comet. I do.

Your shirt is sexist and ostracizing it's just goddamn a beautiful representation by the way the shirt is designed by a woman and and who said that it is who said that to him that's an article or what it's an article yeah i mean this is this is social justice warrior status the good thing about the internet is that everyone has everyone has a voice but the bad thing is everyone has a voice yeah but the bad thing is that everyone has a voice. Yeah. Look at this. I don't care if you landed in a spacecraft. God, this shirt is sexist.

That is fucking beautiful. That's beautiful. And it's just women in scantily clad outfits. Now, here's my question. We're really going to get real with this. That's ridiculous. When you see, maybe there's a better picture of it. We get a close-up look at his uh look at his find his name and find his shirt i'm sure there's some close-up photos of it because there's a big event that they

had and this guy chose to wear this shirt and everybody's freaking out that he chose to wear the shirt um and you know people are saying yeah they wonder why you know women aren't accepted in science and i don't even know that that's true. I don't know how much. That's not true. How hard it is for women to get into science or how easy it is. I really don't know. So I'm not going to be talking out of my ass.

But look, there it is. You can see the picture. And it's just women in like lingerie and fetish outfits. It's like a comic book. It looks like Wonder Woman. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. I mean, that chick has Like a skin tight leather corset Oh okay yeah I can just now make it out though

It seems like kind of cosmic too What is that a sun behind that one chick Yeah it looks like superheroes Are there planets involved in there I don't know what it is I need to get one of those Let's see if we can find one of those online And I'll wear it for the next podcast.

You should get one. Let's order a bunch of them. Find it. Find out who makes it online and let's wear them. Let's make the guests wear it for a week. That's your hazing. Well, you know, I don't know if a woman makes it how it could be sexist. Well, I guess it could be if you wear it with sexist intentions.

Yeah. But for some women, it's not sexist at all. For some women, it's just sexy women in seductive poses. Right. Like, would you think that it would be sexist if a woman had, like, Chippendales dudes all over her shirt? I wouldn't get upset about it. I wouldn't get upset either. And I don't think it's sexist either.

Maybe if they had giant dicks. I wouldn't even necessarily think she was, like, a horny chick. Well, if the dicks were out, that's a different story. If they had the dicks out and they were holding on to them like like shotguns yeah you you can't ignore dicks that even then i wouldn't i wouldn't be mad i wouldn't say that shirt's sexist i wouldn't be upset at all so is the object objectification of men is that acceptable but the objective it is it is acceptable everyone's fine with that do you see what's going on man yeah we're going crazy the world's going Do you see what's going on, man?

Yeah. Are we going crazy? The world's going a little crazy. The world's going a little crazy, but there is a double standard with the sexes, and I think it has a lot to do with that, like, you know, men are the aggressors. Of course. And that's the difference. Yeah. And when we get raped, nobody cares.

No one cares at all. It's a joke. A photo. It's a big joke. A photo that I put up the other day of this dude who was blacked out and these three girls in bikinis were climbing all over him. Yeah. And the caption was poorly spelled, but it was something like, you know, how different

would it be if the sexes were reversed in this particular photo? Oh, yeah. And it's so true. Absolutely. The woman was blacked out. You could almost go to jail just for that photo, you know? Even if it was an overweight woman

that was blacked out and a bunch of guys that were like studly, every woman wants to fuck guys. Yeah. Still, it'd still be a creepy photo. Yeah.

It'd go down as harassment and borderline sex crime. Why are they giving this guy a hard time for his fucking shirt? They should let him. He just landed a goddamn robot on a comet. Can you land a robot on a comet?

I didn't even know it was possible. A comet's going 400 miles an hour. I wish his reaction, though, when she said that to him, I wish he would just be like, shut the fuck up and walked away. No story. But hold on a second. I don't think someone said anything to him. Oh.

No, no, no. This is a review. This isn't someone who interviewed him. This is a review of him doing it. Yeah, the girl with the mic doesn't care at all. Okay. She's looking him right in the eyes. I thought this was him going like her freaking out.

No, no. And by the way, it's by a dude. The article's written by a dude. And he's ultimately just trying to get laid too. That's the funny part. He is doing what he thinks is right. Yeah. You know, he's pointing it out he thinks it's right i mean we could disagree with him all day i don't you know i i don't think it's a big deal but i i also think people are so fucking hung up on bodies man yeah people are really hung up on the the use of

people's bodies and imagery and you and comic book depictions of bodies. And it's primarily a female issue. Primarily objectification of female issue. Yeah. Like, if a guy showed up at work and he had a bunch of male bodies, just like really yoked superhero male bodies all over his shirt, it would just be hilarious. It would be fine. It would be hilarious. It would be fun. It would be hilarious. It would be funny.

But if he shows up with these, I mean, these women in these photos or these images on his shirt, they're just all like perfect specimen, like cartoonish looking characters. All right, Joe, I just sent you a link to buy this shirt. I don't want to say it out loud. Hello. So they won't sell out. Yeah, don't let it sell out, man. But they're $59.

I'll take it they go up to 7xl that's that's what i should do i should come in with a fat shaming version that's what it is you know it's just uh a bunch of people that think those images look good is it sexist what exactly what is actually sexist matt what is sex what exactly is sexist Matt what is sexist what exactly is sexist is when you I think discriminate or treat people differently based on

their sex or the way they look alright so is having a shirt with a bunch of pretty women on it like that is that objectifying women kind of

right um to some degree but if you're asking me I don't find it offensive one bit this shirt is god damn glorious I can't find it offensive one bit This shirt is goddamn glorious

I can't wait for it to arrive Look at this We can make our own shirts Hey That looks like Brian Callen That looks like Brian Callen That's me in the lower right hand corner When I was 21

Hey You're right it is funny When there's naked guys around That's Dave Foley If he went to the gym He's in the middle Male nudity is kind of funny If you had that

On your shirt I don't That wouldn't really bug me No there would be no blogs about it Oh see That's type T T-E-A Why does it say T-E-A

Is that a t-shirt Type T No this is Fabric so we can make Our own clothing Oh we should make All of our clothes You can make your bed sheets

Out of that Yeah I should hire like a real Shower curtain Expensive tailor To make me an awesome suit Out of that Yeah

The jacket and the pants. With a vest. With a tie. The whole thing. Oh, that would be awesome. You know how they have the inside of the vest, like the ones the UFC made me? They have like little skull and crossbones and the satin.

We could have it all little dicks. Yeah. All little dicks inside. Little limp penises. We were talking about this last night. Like, I want to have a house and have the, you know how people trim their bushes? Yeah. I want to cut my bushes in the shape of a cock and balls yeah yeah just have it all through

the you know the front of the yard just all right cock and ball shaped right bushes do you think that would get you in trouble with like the neighborhood the neighborhood would not like that one how would they know what exactly what it is it's a bush they they would still get pissed once you're fucked up and talked about it that's what yeah once you're in a neighborhood like i'm assuming like if you have people cutting your bushes that it's a nice neighborhood if they can see that shit they feel like they can say shit about that i assume what else could what is that brian it's just this this fabric uh fabric.com has all these like sexual that's fantastic that's fabric that is sexist brian and uh that's male patriarchy and um all bad things wow i'm gonna write a blog about

how great that is wait how much of it i mean how much of it is uh like where is there a line that ever has to be drawn i mean if what what if you had, like, tits? What if these girls on this shirt were completely naked? I mean, these outfits are tiny. They're wearing these little corsets and little thongs. Their asses are hanging out. What if they were totally naked? If you ask me, it's fine.

I mean, it's just a body. But if you're a woman, okay, and you're working with a guy, and he's kind of creepy anyway, but he's got a shirt with naked chicks all over it. Probably wouldn't like it if I was a woman, okay, and you're working with a guy, and he's kind of creepy anyway, but he's got a shirt with naked chicks all over it. Probably wouldn't like it if I was a woman. I'd fucking hate it. So that is kind of sexual harassment. Right, right, right. So if that's sexual harassment, and you take it just one step before that, which is they're scantily clad, it's pretty goddamn close to them being naked.

Absolutely. It's one step before. You've got to see how if you were a chick and you're around a guy wearing that that would be on the creep tip oh because although we would like to compare it to men the problem is like a woman with a bunch of men on her shirt is probably not going to rape you right right yeah and it's not even the worst thing in the world if a woman rapes you not that most men wearing this shirt would rape you because most wouldn't. Right. But there's a few guys

who would rape you who would wear that shirt. And it only takes one. Let's face it. Before it just, you know, it's a huge inconvenience. Or they probably would wear

like some Mr. Rogers shit so that you would never see it coming. Right. Yeah. You gotta watch out with those guys with the sweater vest.

Sweater vest, yeah, that's a dead giveaway. I don't know man I just would hate to be You make a good point I would hate to be a chick Working in an office

With a dude who was creeping on me Yeah Absolutely Have you ever worked in an office Where a chick was creeping on you? Um I can't I can't remember

A chick creeping on me Yeah no There's definitely flirting And actually yeah Now that you mentioned I did hook up with this girl That I worked at But that seems fun

That's like voluntary It's fun until you hook up but you hear about that one dude that was like jizzing in this chick's coffee for like a year yeah that's awful yeah and then they caught him there's no admitted he's been jizzing in her coffee for a year that's so great how long did it take for him to admit it whereas he's just like i did it let's find out uh how long was he he was jizzing her coffee for a long time right is that a real story you would never drink liquids again you would you would never let anyone hand you a cup of anything ever again yeah but 50 of women love the taste of cum i saw one 35 actually i saw one recently where um a guy was caught on a hidden camera pissing in the coffee pot he was using piss to make coffee.

Yeah. And he was making these guys that he worked with drink it. Yeah. And everybody was like, there's something going on here, man. Yeah. This coffee smells weird. And so they installed a hidden camera, and you see this guy looking around and pulling his cock out

and pissing in the fucking coffee pot. Oh, my God. And, like, you got to think of how much that guy's pissed those dudes drank. Oh, my God. Before they were like, this coffee's giving me a weird buzz, man. I hate to hear shit like that. That's what happens when you have to work in an office for a living. You start to go slowly and sane.

34-year-old Blaine, Minnesota man, is accused of ejaculating on his co-worker's desk in her office. He faces two counts of criminal sexual conduct for incidents that allegedly happened since late February. This has been jerking off on our fucking desk for like six months. Creep arrested for ejaculating. The work is coffee. I love that creep. That's so non-objective journalism.

That's the difference. That's the difference between the fucking internet, what you're allowed to do in a blog, and New York Times. That's why difference That's the difference Between like The fucking internet Like what you're allowed To do in a blog And like New York Times That's why the internet rules Cause the New York Times Could never have

Creep ejaculates Right In women's coffees Man It would be man Yeah man But the internet's more accurate Man arrested for

Or man allegedly Yeah This is like But how many girls Are like fingering themselves And then stirring your iced tea Very few Like I don't know

Very few 70% Very few Yeah no It never happens It probably wouldn't It's kind of happened Somewhere someone has done it

Is that the guy Yeah Son of a bitch That's the jerk off guy I think so Okay Now think about that poor bastard's life Yeah

How about we show a little empathy towards him? If you really get to the moment in your life where you're jerking off in your co-worker's coffee cup, was it dudes or women that were drinking the jizz? Means a lot. Means a lot. I think a chick. Yeah, there's one chick in particular, I think. A man ejaculated in co-worker's coffee.

Is that her? Who could blame him? This just acclimates her. Oh my God. She's so pretty. You have to jerk off in her coffee. Is that her? Who could blame him? This just acclimates her. Oh, my God. She's so pretty. You have to jerk off in her coffee. Any guy would. You gotta do what you gotta do, son.

Yeah. Gotta do what you gotta do. She gets a little on her lip, and she doesn't know. She just licks it off. Oh, my God. This is hilarious. She didn't taste that for a year, huh? Listen to this.

According to the criminal complaint, employee at, we don't need to say the name's place, hardware store, called police on August 26th saying she thought Lynn, her co-worker, was leaving bodily fluids on her desk. She told officers that she found Lynn that afternoon standing in front of her desk, back turned to her, and his hands near his crotch. her and his hands near his crotch. The worker wasn't sure what Lynn was doing, but she told police that he had a deer in the headlights expression on his face when he noticed her behind him. Lynn quickly left the room and slammed the door behind him, the worker said. Seconds later, Lynn came back and told the worker that he had a question for her but

forgot it. He then left the area. The worker told police she inspected her desk and found fluid on the surface dripping onto the floor. A lot of it had been absorbed into her hair, scrunchie, which she put into a plastic bag. When at the scene, officers collected the coffee mug, coffee, and scrunchie. The worker told police that she'd had problems with Lynn for months. He'd allegedly leave his zipper down often. It happened so much that the worker said she threatened to report Lynn if it happened again.

Jesus Christ. Threatened to report him. Why didn't you report him? Why didn't you do it the first time? Yeah. Wow. This is what happens when you make people work eight hours a day. He admitted to ejaculating on his co-worker's desk and coffee on August 26th, which was his birthday.

Wow, come on, give him a pass, man. Why did you leave that in the story? Those fucking mean officers, they arrested that guy on his birthday. Oh, my God. He said he ejaculated in the coffee twice in the last six months and on her desk four times, wiping up the mess with the scrunchie. He told the police that he was attracted to his co-worker and did this

to get her to notice him. And her desk. He also said that he knew it was gross and wrong. The complaint states. The world has become a fucking parody, dude. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are racist. Dudes are jerking off on people's coffee.

What the fuck? I think it all comes back to what you said like everyone's just trying to distract themselves yeah you know well we're trying to just get over that i think living life knowing that you're just a part of a giant mystery you don't know how it's going to end you know how what's going to happen from any day to the next right it's just too much for most people you also a lot of people are doing things with their lives that they're not even into Like you gotta guess That guy's not into his job Yeah Yeah

Right No doubt No doubt That's why he's jerking off On desks and shit Exactly And so you know You gotta do something for a living

And most people don't get to do What they want for a living Poor bastard Yeah But way more Poor her than poor him Oh poor her dude Imagine drinking that dude's cum

Twice Who would you ever trust again Not that dude Come on Not dudes with you ever trust again not that come on not dudes with their pants down i'll tell you that the fact that she didn't the first time like report it means that she doesn't really care that she's been drinking cum no she can be like scared oh man she didn't know it could still be embarrassing for her you silly how dare you really yeah but if you got caught drinking cum you'd be like police like your boss you'd go right to him because you'd be like i don't want to drink i think i might be

a little embarrassed to admit that i drank cum if you found a dude and you know what i mean what would you rather do if you found a dude you knew that he came in your coffee cup would you be would you be like look man you can't do that anymore if it was at work? If it was at a work job? Can we talk about this? Would you be like, hey, don't do this anymore? Would you hit him? Would you just go immediately to the authorities? How would you handle it?

Kiss him on the cheek and go, you fucked up, buddy. I have no idea. I think I would report it within the company and let them take it to the cops. Don't you think that a dude coming into your coffee cup is so extreme that you'd be real cautious about how you interacted with him? Yeah. I don't think you'd beat his ass. I'll tell you that.

This is why. If a guy came in your cup and you drank it, you'd be like, whoa, like, what are you doing? Like, who are you, man? Like, are you a fucking serial killer or something? Like, what kind of a person can jerk off in your coffee and then sit back and watch as you drink it? That's like a mentally ill person. Absolutely. So you have to think like how you handle that situation whether or not you beat their ass Yeah, I'll go violent I would you go I would take the coffee cup and smash it over his head and then but it's like the right

I see that man. If you hit someone the coffee cup, that's like a fucking deadly weapon Yeah, but if you had come in my fucking coffee, okay, but if he had saliva in your coffee, would you stab him with a broken coffee mug? No, I'd always spit. I'd scream at him, then go to the boss. But cum's completely different. What if he hawked a loogie? Cum's always different. What if he hawked a loogie?

Pretty close. Cock snot, regular snot. It would get violent, probably. What would you rather drink? A guy's loogie or a load? Probably a load, because I'm sure it tastes better. Whoa. Why would it taste better? Because guy's loogie or a load? Probably a load because I'm sure it tastes better. Why would it taste better? Because there's not one girl that goes,

I like a smoker loogie. He's a meat eater. Like a smoker. He opens your mouth and spits in it. That should be a fucking new game show. That should be a new game show. Make me gag. Where you take smokers, spit in your mouth,

and you see how many times you can take, without swallowing or throwing up, a smoker, hooking lungies, and spitting in your mouth. And for every loogie that goes in there, you get 10 grand. Yeah. That'd be fun to train for. I know that much. You know why? Because there's some people with some serious fucking student loans.

You know? Like, I know a friend who has $300,000 in student loans. I bet you could hook loogies in his mouth for a couple days. I would be very tempted this month to do that, to play that game. I hate to tell you. I don't know if I'd do it, but I'd think about it. If you could start a business. I'd sit down and think about it.

I'm going to start a business. I'd look into some Novocaine for my tongue. Well, I know a dude who needed money to start a business, so he went to fucking Iraq. He went as a mercenary. Really? Yeah, he was in the military. He went back, you know, worked as a contractor a couple times. Did it twice.

He did it just because he needed money. And so who does he work for when he does that? One of those fucking unmentionable names. Gotcha. I shouldn't discuss. But people do anything if they need money you know people people get to that situation where they have a serious debt and no way out of it yeah you could spit in their mouth absolutely there's no doubt about it spit now come in your mouth that's a different game show

and that's higher stakes well that's what got fear factor canceled really yeah they had a drink come there's a video of it online why have you noticed, by the way, that the Facebook for Fear Factor just started posting videos again? Out of nowhere, they're making all these new clips, these new Fear Factor clips with you in them. It's probably because it was on a bunch of those channels like Chiller and all those different things. It's been on them a few times. Yeah. Out of nowhere, I'm just getting all these like, hey, Fear Factor page released a new video. That was a ridiculous show. It's hard to believe that show was even real and I was the host of nowhere. I'm just getting all these like hey Fear Factor page released a new video. That was a ridiculous show It's hard to believe that show was even real and I was I was the host of it

It's when it was real and so did you didn't really audition they came to you with that idea up and running, right? Well, no the idea already existed in another country. Okay now or Neverland In the Netherlands in Holland and what was your reaction To this show I was like This is ridiculous I can't believe this is real I really did think That it was going to be Cancelled immediately Right

I had a whole joke about it Yeah Where you know Right That I used to do on stage But I did have to audition For it though They had to see how

I would interact with people Uh huh So I went down Hollywood Boulevard With a camera crew And just stuck cameras In people's faces And started asking them questions

Like can I ask you a question man Right And they come over And then I started asking them Like what kind of food And just be silly with them Sure Yeah yeah yeah

So they wanted that Look at that That's me baby Look at me Looking away from the fire Oh damn The fear factor on Twitter Is now

Posting again too It's weird. Don't try to get me to do that show again, Brian. It's coming back. Joe, come on. I'm too busy already, man. I'd be doing less of this, and I'm better at this. What if somebody like LiveLeak bought the name Fear Factor?

Like, Joe, we want you to do Fear Factor in a different country no the only way i would ever do that again is if they broke the bank i mean they'd have to they'd have to literally do some shit that would bankrupt a small foreign country drown you in cash i'd have to literally make so much money i would think about like giant hunting preserves that i could buy you know like in colorado buy a thousand acres and set up a fucking solar log cabin invite brian over for dinner and then hunt him no you don't ever hunt things like brian brian's like he's like the puppy you keep her on the house right barks when some shit's going down yeah you don't you don't want to chase him that's so rude i had a friend that um went to one of those uh they have these hunting ranches.

It's really kind of fucked up, where they will let an animal out. They're like, which animal do you want to hunt? And like, what? And they'll have a menu. And you go and you point at it. And there's this one deer that has awesome antlers. Yeah. And you go, okay, let out number A.

So they'll open the cage. And this fucking thing goes wandering out and goes right to the feeder. Yeah. Because there's like a feeder that the deers eat from every day. Uh-huh. And you just sit and wait in front of the feeder for him to show up and then you blast him. Woof.

Wow. I mean, look, I guess that's better than farming. I guess that's better than just, you know, raising a cow. It's better than slaughterhouses. I guess. But it's kind of, I mean, the only thing, I mean, it's not a big area either. It's like a couple hundred acres.

It's like pretty small. I mean, it's big for a yard, but it's not big for like where a deer can get away from you. Sure. You know, they just let us fuck around

and you go looking for them, but they keep them in pens. I was like, that is one of the craziest things I've ever heard of in my life. And it's totally legal. Yeah. I'm sure it is.

Yeah. I don't know about all that. Yeah. I don't know about all that. Yeah. I don't know about all that. That seems like a good way to get antlers. You know, if you want to make sure you shoot a deer with a big giant fucking head of antlers. But I mean, I guess it's better than going to the supermarket. If somebody wanted to kill you just for like your teeth.

That would be fucked. You know what I mean? Just to know that. It would be so crazy. But it's worse than your teeth. Yeah. Because you lose your antlers every year they fall off your head i'll give them to you and then they grow my baby teeth i'll give them to you there's a whole like thing about collecting sheds yeah like people collect these deer sheds and one of the things it does is it lets them know what kind of deer on their land so if you go collect the sheds and you find

these big antlers like whoa there's a big deer on this land that I didn't even know about. Yeah. Because a lot of them, they'll be, like, nocturnal. Like, especially when there's, like, hunting pressure or they think that there's too many people around, they bed down during the day and they only come out and eat at night. So you don't even see them there until you find these antlers, like, laying around. Right.

So it's worse than that. Some of them want to kill you for some shit that you throw away every year. But then there's the meat. Oh, the meat's delicious. It's're just laying around. Right. So it's worse than that. Someone's going to kill you for some shit that you throw away every year. But then there's the meat. Oh, the meat's delicious. It's delicious, my friend. Yeah. So sweet with butter. Butter and garlic.

A little semen and coffee to wash it down. No, no. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, full charge. You need to wear that fucking shirt with all the guys on it and go sit in the corner. Fucking terrible, terrible person. The dunch shirt. No, the shirt with all the naked dudes. Yeah, no, with all the dicks on it, yeah. in the corner. Fucking terrible, terrible person. The Dunn shirt? No, the shirt with all the naked dudes.

Yeah, no, with all the dicks on it, yeah. Yeah, we need a name for that shirt. We should do that. Like, one day wear the shirt. We'll get them tailored. Would you wear them if I got stuff tailored? Fuck yeah. I'll wear a cream pie.

Okay. Try to find the gayest material that you can find online and we'll bring it to a tailor and we'll have some suits made up. Have you seen David Cho's butthole hat? He has a butthole hat? It's just a butthole.

Is it Asa's butthole? I think so. It must be. There's no cheeks or anything? It's just a hole? Just the butthole. It's so great. It's the best part.

That's uncomfortable. David Cho's fucking crazy, man. He's fucking crazy. That's exactly what happens. David Cho's exactly what happens when you say, what would you do if you had all the fucking money you could ever want? That's what you would do.

You'd do exactly what he's doing. And on top of that, he can still sell those paintings he makes for ungodly sums of money. It's not like he's not making money. He sells his paintings for insane amounts of money. But then on top of that, he's got hundreds of millions of dollars that came from him painting facebook right right right the whole thing he's just he doesn't give a fuck yeah he literally doesn't give a fuck he's so crazy his shit that he's doing like on his instagram is so hilarious have you watched any of it no i gotta i gotta

look into dude it's so funny it's him and Bobby Lee, and they have this thing called, one of them is called Hong Dynasty, and the other one is, what is the other one? The other one is something about space. Let me pull it up, because it's so ridiculous. But he's constantly doing shit. Constantly putting- This is the guy that took stock in Facebook? Uh-huh.

This guy? All right, yeah. He's hilarious, dude. And he's awesome as a podcast guest, too. Let me find out what the fuck his videos are called. But they put them up all the time, and they're really ridiculous. Look at that taco. Mmm.

That looks great. That looks delicious. This guy's a genius. It's made out of pizza. It's a pizza crust, isn't it? I'm trying to find out. genius it's made out of pizza it's a pizza crust isn't it yeah his uh his uh he just recently did this mural that uh he posted on his instagram check this out look how awesome that is that is awesome he's a bad motherfucker dude he's such a good guy too man he's just like such a sweetheart and he's he he enjoys being shocking and he was a victim of uh a lot of people freaking

out about one of his podcasts because he had said something crazy about how uh he got a massage and forced some chick to suck his dick forced but people got mad at him because he raped somebody he kind of you know he exaggerates shit right it's a girl he actually is dating or has sex with right on a regular basis like his version of the story is not completely accurate right like he he leaves out stuff and adds stuff to make it more fucked up because he's he's he's fucking with you yeah you know yeah go down until you find this one that looked good okay he's got underwear on his face and him and Bobby Lee and it's just it's so ridiculous they're doing all these crazy videos Hong

Galaxy's the other one there's Hong Dynasty and Hong Galaxy and he's just having fun that's what he's doing he's just having fun he was on vice for a while but when he did that thing what are they doing they're wrestling girls when he did that thing where he uh told that story about getting the uh massage lady to blow him yeah uh they kicked him off vice really yeah yeah he got uh he got kicked off the show i know a girl that used to write for vice and she got kicked off for writing something racist like two years ago on twitter they went through a whole twitter feed i should rephr He didn't get kicked off, but they gave him an option. The option was get rid of your Instagram, get rid of your Twitter, no more social media

stuff, get rid of your podcast. And he was like, what? That's what I do. That's my thing. He spelled it W-U-T too. He went, what? What? Get the fuck out of here.

He pulled out his bank account. I just want to show you how many zeros. See all those zeros? Those are don't give a fuck points. This is fuck you money, so fuck you. I mean, I see everybody's point, man. I really do. That's the real problem with Twitter and blogs is you get one point.

And even Twitter, it's one point and then one point and then one point then you know one person back and you're playing tennis back and forth with the idea yeah this is an ineffective way to communicate and and resolve things communicating live in person is the only way yeah everything else is it only works if everybody agrees to a certain series of rules and and like you establish that you're going to communicate with someone the way you would expect to be communicated with by then like best case scenario i saw you on twitter sticking up for somebody that was just getting hammered oh that was a person who wrote something bad about me too yeah right right but you were like hey look we can

all have our opinions it's all good yeah i, I never said anything shitty to her. Yeah. You know, when we went back and forth on Twitter, we were talking about the actual issue at hand. She said a few ad hominem things about me, but they weren't anything really bad. Right. You know, it was like something about, like, what qualifies you to that opinion? Is it making people eat bugs on Fear Factor? Things along those lines. It was like, okay. You know? Yeah. It doesn't, you know, even if you say something mean to me, it just means I'm going to stop communicating with you.

I'm getting better at this. I know when to engage people, when not to. I also know what I get out of it. What do I get out of it? I get something out of it if we can get along and get through something civilly. I get something out of it. I feel good. Sure.

When I have an interaction with somebody online and if there's some sort of a minor disagreement we could end with uh it's all good that's cool well thank you very much all right cool man that's nice right i like that so i go towards that as much as i can in this life yeah and i've made mistakes i think we all have but when i go to uh someone's twitter page and it's just a constant series of these fucking bitter back and forth-forth feuds. I'm like, you're doing it wrong. Right. You're doing it wrong.

We're all learning this as we go along, I think. How did you feel after the Mencia fight? I hate to keep bringing it up, but I just watched it last night again. Brian and I have talked about this a million times. Oh, okay. Because it's Brian's favorite piece of, or my favorite piece of Brian's work. Okay. It was his coup de grace.

It was his piece de resistance. Yeah but uh there was a lot of negativity attached to it a lot a lot of negative fucking comments and tweets and uh messages i guess it was like myspace back then but it was there was a lot of email a lot of people got my email and sent me a lot of like really nasty shit but it was so poorly spelled. Yeah. Like the majority of it was. You used to save it. I think he's still.

I still got it. I still got it. What do you mean I used to save it? Dude, I got a folder. Still save it. I got a folder on my fucking email that is just called Mencia fans. Cause it was so bad.

It was so ridiculous. It was like, come on, is this real? is fake you guys real people like it didn't even like and the big one one of the big ones was them saying you know he did it better yeah just because he did it better right just because he did it better okay you're like fucking all jealous over there because he did it better. Right. But even that died off, man.

Yeah. That just stopped. It was a moment in comedy history. Yeah. But a lot of negativity, man. A lot of negativity attached to it. But sometimes you got to get your hands dirty. Well, you stuck up for a lot of people.

That's the thing. And I remember you used to write about it. I think I used to see it on MySpace or whatever. You stuck up for a lot of little guys when you did that you know well that's where it all came from it came from guys like johnny sanchez getting fucked over and ari getting fucked over and countless numbers of dudes it's it makes for a hostile environment yeah when you have to hit that flashing light at the store because you know he's in the back of the room remember when comics all had that little little signal thing yeah they would go over and flick the light a couple of times because he was in the back of the room.

Right. That's just dark, dude. Yeah. But we're learning. And we're learning now. If he had to start his career over again, the dude's a good performer, man. If he could start his career over again and just do it the right way, he would have been a different person. If he started out today as opposed to back then, he'd probably be a different person.

But if you get off on the wrong foot and you stay on that wrong foot and then you justify your actions all along the way, you get to a point where you're two decades into a career that's bullshit. And you don't know how to write. Yeah. You don't know how to write at all. Yeah. That's a super common thing.

You see that with biters. You see that with guys going back and trying to create new stuff and it's like, oh god you're lost at sea yeah like you you literally don't know how to do it right like you would see the contrast between the stuff that they obviously stole and then the stuff that they obviously wrote right and it's like oh good lord like you this is like you're speaking two different languages yeah it's like one of these things is made out of vegetables and one of these things is made out of shit. Right. You know? It's just like, it's so obvious to anybody who's paying attention.

But I don't know, man. Sometimes it's important to do negative things. Yeah. It's just, it depends on what's happening. But it also exposed a lot about the business, man, that people didn't want to believe. Yeah. Because nobody wanted to believe that if you had a beef with some famous person who had

it out for you, that they could ruin your career. Right. But he tried to do that to me. Yeah. And he didn't have the power to do it. Did it work so far as the comedy store? Was that what you were saying earlier? That weekend.

It worked that weekend. I mean, he got me banned from that weekend. Right. But he made a deal with the guy that's not there anymore oh really i don't mean i don't know the exact details of it but it was the only time ever where his name was on the marquee he never let them put his name on the marquee his name was on the marquee and he was headlining the whole weekend yeah so it was like this big thing that i was gone and he was headlining put his name on the marquee. And I forget my point. It doesn't matter. It's a pointless, beaten into the ground story.

But the bottom line was, after all the dust settled, everybody sort of eventually got a sense of what it really was all about. What it's really all about is all these people have a similar story and we're all dealing with something that is just undeniable. Is that door open back there, Jamie? See if that fucking door's open, because that shit is super loud. It's not? We need to figure out a way to soundproof the ceiling.

Yeah. Because when those guys are banging shit over there. Banging shit. Not like that kind of banging. Imagine that. I was at a hotel the other day, and I heard someone fucking. Dude. This hasn't happened in a long time. I was at a hotel the other day and I heard someone fucking. This hasn't happened in a long time.

I was 18. I was in a hotel room with my parents and the people next door were fucking each other. No, not at all. Were you in the same room with your parents? I was in the same room with my parents and there was people fucking next door. What did your parents do?

We ignored the elephant in the other room like good white people. Oh my God. This lady was going like, ah, ah, ah. Yeah. Ah. It was like a shaky thing. Right. She's being rattled.

Right. It was weird. She's one of the Caesar girls. Yeah. It wasn't loud enough for me to record. I was trying to get my iPhone up to the door. It was a shitty-ass hotel. We were in Washington, D.C. at this old hotel.

By the way, those old hotels, they can all suck it. Those old hotels, they try to pretend that it's cool to stay in this creaky-ass fucking hotel where when someone flushes their toilet, three floors above you, it's like a roaring train is running through your room. Every time someone walked above me, I heard, I was like, this is stupid. It's a boutique hotel.

And they're usually more expensive than like some of the newer hotels. Yes, it was. It was expensive as fuck. It was stupid. It's a dumbass hotel, but people be fucking. I just couldn't figure out

where they were fucking. They were above me or to the side of me. You ever hear that old Stan Hope bit where he's like, not only can you hear them fucking, you can smell it too? That's how bad the hotels were. There was this place in Arizona

we stayed at that the bottom of the door had a good three inches underneath it, so you would just be in bed and you would see people walking down the hallway. Oh, good Lord. Yeah, it's like, that's disturbing. That's ridiculous.

Yeah, but that's part of the fun of the road, especially when you're with friends, the early days especially. I stayed once. I did a gig on this fucking island, Block Island. It's like an island outside of Rhode Island. I think that's it. Is it Black Island or Block Island? It's Black Island or Black Island. But the people that lived there were the drunkest troglodytes I've ever performed in front of. Wow.

Ever. I mean, me and this guy Scott. Scott was the guy who booked it, and he was the opening act. And he went up and just ate a plate of shit. It was just no one was getting anything out of this crowd. Right. We both sucked at the time. Uh-huh.

But, I mean, the gig was impossible. Yeah. Because no one was getting through this alive. There was maybe 30 people in the room. It was like they had a bar, and then they just announced that a show was going to happen. It was the first one ever, first and only one. It was me and him. So we did the gig. Gig's death, just hot death.

They didn't want to pay us because it was awful. They said we insulted the people that came there. They were yelling shit. The moment we go, bullshit, were yelling shit they were just monsters they were they were pirates right yeah and then we had to stay in a supply room we had cots that they had set up in a room with like stacks of like canned tomatoes and fucking you know syrup for soda machines and shit and containers of nitrous oxide, that kind of shit. Yeah. It was like a storage room.

Right. And they put two cots there with no bathroom, and that's where we slept. Oh, my Jesus. They said they had a room for us. Where's the room? Well, we take it back here. They brought us to this room,

and it was a storage room they had put a cot in. You could sleep here. The ferry comes at 6 in the morning. So we had to sleep there, and then we had to leave on the ferry at 6 o'clock in the morning, whatever the time was. Oh, that's so fucked up. Oh, it was gross.

And the dude I was with was partying, so he was up, and it was a disaster. It was just, you know, if you wanted to get drunk and do coke, it was there. Right. It was just, everybody was just like, there's no cops here. Right. No cops are coming to this fucking crazy island. There's only 100 people. Everyone. No cops are coming to this fucking crazy island. There's only 100 people. Everyone is like one drink away from death.

Just barely hanging on. You might as well stay up until 6. Yeah, you could hear their liver like pop rocks going off under their skin. That's why they're shouting so much. Their liver is just fucking struggling to stay together. Like the Millennium Falcon when it was shaking trying to achieve warp speed. That's their liver.

I'll just never forget. There's this table of like three or four people together talking and Scott starts the show. When he starts the show, they're like... They just turn to him and like yelling, Why the fuck is this, Bobby yelling What the fuck is this Bobby What the fuck is this Missing teeth and fucking their faces are all pruned up

From the fucking cold wind And the sea water It was death It was one of those places you could not live If you lived Everybody would just slowly start disappearing in horrible accidents Like if they made you live on that island You'd'd go, you know, and you had that guy as your neighbor. You'd be like, all right, today I'm taking him fishing.

And I ain't taking him back. This motherfucker's going to fall in the water. Yeah. Where you live is a fucking super important part of your life. If you live in a shitty spot It's really hard to have fun And I don't mean shitty spot You're way better off with really good friends

Where the weather sucks a dick Sure, weather can't destroy you that much But if you're in a bad neighborhood That's why A lot of crime Anybody who thinks kids should pull themselves up by their bootstraps It's tough Imagine being born in fucking Watts Living living in the worst sections of Englewood, or being a gypsy, born into a caravan family in fucking England.

You might not even know someone that could teach you how to do it. And there's a lot of bad examples all over the place of what to do. And like we were talking about with Michael Irvin, everyone's programmed differently. So it becomes like this, like repeating cycle. Unless you get out, unless you are a performer or an athlete or someone who figures out a way to start a business and get out of the, get out of the neighborhood and sort of reset yourself and figure out what the fuck,

what kind of fucking trial was I on? Yeah. What kind of path was I riding on? It must be weird to mix with the rich after that too. Well, you know what's the weirdest shit? You could just drive to Beverly Hills. Yeah, it's right there.

It doesn't take long to get there. So you could live in the worst neighborhood in LA and just close your door, start your car, start driving, and 15 minutes later, you're standing in front of a house that's worth $50 million. Mm-hmm. That's weird. It is weird. I mean, and then here how about this the person who lives in compton or whatever shit neighborhood they could get in their car and drive to tijuana and go oh oh i thought i had it bad let's get back to compton yeah i'm worried

get away from this cardboard house with no windows yeah you know are we allowed to make fun of gypsies like is there any kind of like... No one sticks up for gypsies. That's not true. That's not true. There's some feedback. There's some blowback in England. Really?

If you call them gypsies, yeah, if you start shitting on gypsies in other countries, they get very upset. Can we still call them gypsies? Is that derogatory yet? I don't think so. Okay.

I don't think it's derogatory. Hmm. Let's look it up. Someone is offended. For sure. There's a lot of gypsies in Burbank. Really? And they're always hanging out in my dumpster.

They're American gypsies? They're hanging out in your dumpster. They pull up in these weird vans that have beads all over them. Yeah. And they just all come out of this van and they all just start going through all the trash. There's a lot of vans in my neighborhood recently. People just live on my street now.

In vans. Here we go. Ready go ready yo that's racist gypsy is a racial slur this was uh i'm surprised the n-word wasn't in the retort an article on gawker um about a child that was taken away from a couple because she didn't look like them and uh it says police rescue mystery blonde child from gypsy couple and then this article goes on describe that it says the term gypsies non-preferred and often derogatory term for roma people for those of you who aren't aware of the anti-roma bigotry the roma are an indigenous people of europe who continue to be pushed from nation to nation and mistreated. Okay, that's one take on it.

Another take by a friend who lived outside of London who had these gypsies move into the lot near their friend's house and absolutely destroy it. Destroy the neighborhood, leave their trash everywhere, rob all the houses in the neighborhood. They're also notorious criminals. Notorious. I mean, they're not all criminals, but there's a lot of them.

They live a crazy lifestyle. They're always bare-knuckle fighting. They have these videos. They challenge each other online. I mean, it's awesome. Right. Hilarious. Beautiful slice of our human culture in 2012.

But this portrayal of it is so ridiculously one-sided and biased. Right, right. They're pushed from nation to nation and mistreated. Yeah, I'm sorry, we don't want you leaving your garbage everywhere and fighting in the streets and stabbing my friends. Right. You know, please don't do that anymore, or whatever you've been doing. Right.

I shouldn't say stabbing. I don't know if they're involved in stabbing. But that's part of the game, is we've got to rove town to town and we've got to hustle money. They're wild people, man. I mean, it's fascinating. The movie Snatch was awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah awesome yeah yeah yeah richie movie on it fucking awesome with uh the way brad pitt that whole dialect is so fucking awesome the article goes on they are frequently denied legal

status and therefore social services there are many stereotypes about the roma but the most predominant is that they're all sociopathic drifters who steal children and anything else that isn't tied down. It's been my experience that very few people who do nothing wrong are labeled as sociopathic thieves who steal children. Very few people.

One of the things that they don't say about those Tibetan Buddhist monks is that they're sociopathic thieves who steal children. Yeah, they said that about Mother Teresa theresa a lot too right and all those missionaries sociopathic thieves who steal children yeah i don't know man they're going to ejaculate in people's coffee it's not healthy to paint things in a completely unrealistic biased way like this guy's doing just to prove that you're not racist right that shit's not healthy no i know you should talk about the reality of their life like it doesn't help anybody if you bullshit people on what these folks do right and again it's not all of them but the fact that

you're saying that gypsies haven't been involved in conflicts or the roma people whatever the fuck you want to call them you'd be lying right right when we could all come up with different reasons for why cultural biological you know there's all sorts of variables that are entering into this equation but to betray it like this like these beautiful people that are just roaming from town to town yeah and everyone's just pushing them away yeah because of the patriarchy because of white white people privilege right i checked my privilege online did you do that yet? I saw that, yeah. I'm a shit lord.

What website is that? Yeah, what's that mean? I don't even know what that means. Piece of shit. Fucking asshole. You're a part of the problem. Where can you get your privilege checked? Checkyourprivilege.com.

Oh, okay, cool. Yeah. We were talking about how it should be an app, and it already was. And then someone sent me a link. It's an actual website. So I went to the website to check my privilege and so you don't have a lot of privilege you're a shit i'm too much privilege so i'm a shit lord okay that's what it is everyone who's i think if you're white and

you don't have aids you're a shit lord okay i think that's pretty much how it goes what's going on in this world there's something strange going on in this world man something strange this this article is proof of it people are going way out of their way to show that they're sensitive and open-minded to the point where they're not really open-minded yeah you're denying reality yeah it's like it doesn't help anybody it doesn't help anybody to only

only side with the maligned and the mistreated and the misrepresented to always side with them that's that's not that's not that's not healthy right like marginalized people there's marginalized groups for sure and it's good to recognize when they're being mistreated but the reality of their behavior can't be ignored like you can't do that right it muddies up the whole thing yeah you can still side with them but you

have to admit the facts and you have to admit right right like that that that they survive in ways that can hurt other civilians other people yeah and you know what man hey that's the reality of the world they're thrust into yeah if you were there like you know i watched this video on poachers in africa and all these people that like they they uh they illegally capture these animals and sometimes it's like the only food that these people can like they they uh they illegally capture these animals and sometimes it's like the only food that these people can get yeah like like they're in there's terrible situations they have these ridiculous guns they construct um they they make their own charges and light their guns sometimes with a lighter and then shoot it at these animals i mean they pack

these things like muskets they take a rifle and they'll pack it like a musket and then like light like a fuse like it's a bomb i mean it's ridiculous how poor and rudimentary some of this shit is these guys are doing you gotta wonder like what are this what are these guys options man right i mean you're getting mad at this guy for poaching animals needs yeah it's it's terrible to shoot someone else's property you know even if you are starving to death it seems It seems wrong. He should move to America and work on Wall Street. Why doesn't he do that? He knows it's there.

He should. Why doesn't he get an education? Why doesn't he wash his feet? He's got old plastic water bottles that he's turned into flip-flops. What's this guy thinking? Why isn't he smarter? Yeah, you can't judge people like that the way you would judge a person from a normal neighborhood with a normal background i mean normal by like healthy no right you know no serious trauma there's a reason he's in that situation you're not in that

situation you don't seek that situation no but what the fuck man that's that's the real problem the real problem in the world is like the 1% that everybody wants to think about. Yeah. If you make more than $34,000 a year, you're in the top 1% of all people on the planet. Really? Mm-hmm. I did not know that. Yeah.

Kevin Smith and I talked about it the other day, and I've talked about it on this podcast before, too. That's a real number. So when you're talking about poachers or you're talking about impoverished people, the level of poverty that the people who work at Foxconn have, when you're saying, man, those people live there, there's nets around the building to keep them jumping off the roof, we can't even imagine what that life is like. And those are people just like you, just like me, just like you, just people. Just if we were born in China, we'd be like, fuck, dude, we got to go to the Foxconn. We can't have the option to go to the store tonight. Let's go perform at the comedy store.

No, we can't. We have to make cell phones for a nickel an hour. I got a suicide at noon. How does that work? They don't apply for those jobs, do they? They just kind of force the- They take them if they can. I don't even know if there's enough jobs to supply all the people that are poor and looking for jobs there.

There's a billion people in China. That's crazy. A billion. And they just hacked our weather system. Did you see that? What are you talking about? The U.S. said today that China has hacked our radar and satellite, our weather. One of our things that we use for our news every day.

They hacked it? They they hacked it our satellite and that's like why pull up an article on it so we can get a more definitive description of what's going on that's why for like the whole month of october i think there was very limited radar uh in the news and because someone from china hacked our radar dishes government that's hilarious china so the chinese government hacked our radar system. Our weather system. Weather radar. What are they doing with it? Are they stealing the data?

Why do they care what the fucking temperature is over here? U.S. weather system. Look, today where I live, much warmer. 75 degrees in Los Angeles again. By the way, terrible accents, both of us. Both of us. I didn't know which way to go. To go super Chinese or just weird.

You go weird if you don't know what you're doing. Chinese reportedly hack U.S. weather systems. What? Chinese hackers allegedly broke into the U.S. weather systems in September and caused federal cybersecurity forces to block sensitive data needed for crucial uses including disaster planning and aviation so they they fucked with like a lot more than just like the weather radar wow but uh well who knows who's doing that though you know we say china like who just it's a billion

people could be one asshole and we call it china yeah it's only like one to ten assholes who are they saying? Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. I mean, but I mean, you know what I mean? A dude in China did this, and we're blaming China. Right, let's go to war. I mean, is this, yeah, is this an official government thing that did this, or? I'm looking at it. By the way, while we're looking, did you try to sit in that chair?

I did, yeah, yeah, yeah. You prefer that chair over the ergonomic chair? This is way better this is way better for my posture right better for my back right but i knew i was going to need to lounge a little bit while i was here that's your thing so this is a clearly better chair but this makes me more relaxed i give up relaxation for posture yeah all right i'm down with the ergonomic chair this is the best ergonomic chair i've ever had earlier Earlier this week, the Post also reported that Chinese government hackers were suspected of breaking into the U.S. Postal Service computer network since stealing the personal data belonging to hundreds and thousands of employees, retires, and customers. Employees of the post office?

Yeah. So Chinese government hackers supposedly also broke into our USPS. Right, but they're government hackers? Yeah, they're government hackers. So they know my P.O. box. That's terrifying. They're getting all those things that try to get you to join Scientology.

They're getting all those first. They're getting all those postcards. They can take a personality test before I can. Fuck! I've been practicing, too. Who knows what that means, though? Chinese government hackers who what does that mean you know i'm not sure that's such a broad statement for what department

under whose jurisdiction like with what objective who are the humans that are doing it you know you say chinese government hackers like yeah okay could be anybody could be someone blaming the chinese because they're doing it Yeah You know Who the fuck knows They don't really Break that down huh Fucking gypsies probably

Gypsies God damn gypsies Can't say gypsy bro Well Romas Fucking Romas man What if you're gay Is that what they're called

Like a black gypsy So that's kind of Like a loophole No You better not Transgender gypsies You need to stop Right there

Don't say God damn it Brian Trans gypsies Trans gypsies? You need to stop right there. Don't say trans gypsies. You just got our podcast canceled. You did. The shit lord factor hit the roof. Gotta look into that loophole. You know you're not supposed to say bitch anymore? Yeah.

Bitch is a new one. They're trying to take away bitch. Sucks. It's such a nice hard out on a sentence. Like, fuck you, bitch. Yeah, listen, bitch. You know what I mean? It works comedically. Some girl at the comedy store the other day, one of the waitresses, said, sucks it's such a nice hard out on a sentence like fuck you bitch yeah listen you know it works comedically some girl at the comedy store the other day one of the waitresses said get the

fuck out of here bitch yeah she said it to this dude and i gave her knuckles like that was a strong bitch yeah it's like she goes it was right yeah the way it came out just said yeah i would hate to live in a world where someone couldn't say something like that like when joe when joey diaz corrects you like please bitch yeah get the of here it's the best way to condescend and just and humiliate someone and on stage it's one of my favorite words right i will not stop using it if you got up if you got a sentence it's not or a punchline is not really working you can throw one a set in there and that'll save that punchline sometimes yeah maybe you just need to get back to the drawing board with that fucking thing.

Well, I'd rather just throw a bitch on it and call it a day. Silly bitch. I'll never give up silly bitch. See, no matter what happens. Silly bitch is so unthreatening

that it just should be let slide. It's got silly in it. Yeah. Which makes it silly. You know what I'm saying? It's like, you can't say, you silly kike.

No. Hey, that's not even cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not even cute. That's rude. Silly gypsy. Yeah. That's middle ground.

Yeah. You know? I wonder if you can still say homo. Nah. That's over. I haven't heard anybody trying to ban it. You'll be okay, but it's frowned upon, I think. You're not supposed to say something's gay.

Sure. You can't say, oh my God, this movie's gayowned upon, I think. You're not supposed to say something's gay. Sure. You can't say, oh my god, this movie's gay. That sucks. That's not good. You obviously can't say the F-bomb. Yeah, you can't say faggotry. Easily. Occasionally you can say faggotry because it has not been defined.

Yeah. But homo, I haven't heard a peep. Nobody's banned it yet. Maybe I should shut the fuck up Before they go on An anti-homo campaign It's like the seven words You can't say on TV

Became the seven words You can't say on TV In a way Well also because like Fag isn't Well fag is short for faggot So it's not like a part of a word That's a legitimate word

Like homo sapien Right You know like Homo sapien Homosexual Homostasis You know there's like a lot of No there's

There's a lot of trap doors in that There's a lot of ways out of that I meant homo sapien Yeah You know You homo sapien You Homo gypsy

You know You can't say that That's That's Yeah That's like saying That's my favorite kind of gypsy though Homo gypsy

They don't procreate. But they do. Yeah, but they're magic balls. You gotta ruin it. Isn't gypsies like the ones with the magic balls and the cards and the smelly pussies? Yeah, they have the crystal balls. The crystal balls and the reading your fortune. I mean, they've been hustlers from the beginning.

But again, that's what they're fucking born into. you're born into that shit what would you do you tell me that you would figure out oh my culture is insufficient in so many areas i need to get out and explore the subtle nuances of life and education and change my verbiage and my vernacular and move to cambridge and come on you know maybe by the time you're 15 if you're lucky to have that kind of individual thought if you're lucky to have that kind of individual thought. If you're lucky. But otherwise, you're just throwing

fucking cards out and three card money fucking hustling motherfuckers. Drugging babies. That's what I heard about the gypsies. Drugging babies? They drug their babies

so they don't cry. There was a story where a lady drugged a baby on an airplane. She got arrested. She was a stewardess and she gave a baby Benadryl because the baby

was screaming and crying Yeah We get warm jacked to babies in Ohio Put a little on their gums Look at you, look how you turned out Cooked your brain at an early age You got no brain cells That shit ain't good

You think it's okay to say homo gypsy Yeah, these are all terrible things, man These are all terrible things you're describing Good night's sleep would have done you a lot better Yeah, good night's sleep is some orange juice Get your fucking electrolytes in order, son. It's bugging me, man, that this Artie Lang thing that we were talking about yesterday, we read his tweet the other day during the Don Marrera podcast,

and we were shocked at what everybody was upset about. Now, he said this on the dom arara podcast is that what happened twitter okay he tweeted it okay he's a fucking comedian yeah known for being dirty and because he said something about an african-american woman about her whipping him yeah and him coming all over himself like a fat father and it was just it was you know and about her disrespecting the plantation i mean his tweets were hilarious yeah but people were so offended that he was kicked off of that midnight show he could do the midnight show and then on top of that he um he got banned from espn he can't go on espn really tosh just took care of espn last night though yeah that's true he torched espn for

ripping him off yeah he got a bit he got like a Fraser a bit stolen. Yeah. And so he just, he did a whole sketch ripping him. Tosh has this thing called web redemption. Right, right. Where he's, you know, he watches like famous like videos and he goes, you know, let's get redemption for this. And so he meets the people that are in the video. They pretty much exactly did the same thing.

And so. His show's been on the air since like. Six years something yeah so they're doing the same thing they're just calling it a different name don't play it yeah don't play it it'll get us kicked off youtube every time man every fucking time even though i've got a comedy central special coming out next week they would still kick us off you can even play your clip for your comedy i played my clip, they'd pull me off YouTube. I'm not kidding, man. That's the world.

Welcome to the world we live in, Full Charge. I know, you signed the paperwork. I don't know what you signed, but I signed some shit that ain't mine no more. There's a lot of motherfuckers out there that want to own everything.

God damn it. That's the beauty of the podcast, Full Charge. I know. We can do whatever we want. You got a Full Charge podcast? The Full Charge Power Hour. Very funny. Everybody check it out. You sure You got a full charge podcast? A full charge power hour. Very funny. Everybody check it out. You sure it's very funny?

Very funny. Oh, very funny. No gypsies. What's the matter? Oh, nothing. Are we not recording? I can't hear anything right now. Yeah, the microphone's just not working right now. Oh, but it's recording? Yeah, yeah. His is recording.

This is what happens when you park yourself there.ie is here everything was nice and smoothly you know this is take out sd cards the middle of fucking show i just want to remind people that all the equipment works on the full charge power hour it's very where are you people donated it actually are we full is that what it is yeah yeah why don't you guys fucking plan this shit in advance? Okay. There's not a lot of things that you guys have to do here. No, this only gets full like once a year. Well, maybe you should just check it. There's not a lot of shit to check here. Jesus fucking Christ.

You got one SD card. So is this show being recorded? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just backup. Yeah, okay. All the time you spent going to massage parlors. Son of a bitch. You son of a bitch.

Full charge. Yeah, man. Do you have a tour. You son of a bitch. Full charge. Yeah, man. Do you have a tour coming out or something? Yes, I do. What's going on, full charge? It's a little West Coast tour. Oh. San Francisco,

Doc Ricketts, November 29th. What's Doc Ricketts? Doc Ricketts used to be the Purple Onion in North Beach. Oh, shit. And it's a new club now

and November 29th. So that's like a really small, intimate room. Didn't Galifianakis do a special there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. It's pretty cool. I've never been there, but I can't wait to play it.

And I'm going to be at the Analog Cafe on December 5th. That's in Portland, Oregon. Beautiful. And I'm going to be at Highline in Seattle, Washington on December 6th. And I would love for people to come out and see me. Good Lord, Full Charge. Yeah. How do you do it all?

I just, I get to writing, I memorize the jokes, do some stage time, kaboom. And then you travel. Then I go to the city. This is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you bring people on the road with you, or are you working with locals? Yeah. Actually, my co-host from the Full Charge Power Hour, Craig Coleman, is going to come

open for me. Good Lord. I love that everybody's got a podcast now. It's great. It's going to come a time where no one wants a television show. I got my podcast. I got no time for this. Too many cooks. Too many. What is Too Many Cooks?

You guys keep saying this. Too Many Cooks is this amazing video that these two guys that work at Adult Swim have been making on their own for the last year. I think they're like PAs or something like that. So they've been taking like a little bit of money and making this little project. Stealing. They're stealing. A little project on the side. And so they

got the 4 o'clock like info commercial spot on Adult Swim and it's kind of like a video that's making fun of 80s sitcoms openings but on mushrooms. And at first it's just like this annoying song that starts getting in your head and it's over and over and and then a lot of people just turn it off after like four

or five minutes because they are like i can't take any more of this but if you get over the lump of like the four minute mark it becomes one of the most fucked up demented beautiful videos i've seen in a long time it's really weird yeah but there's a lot of that. A lot of that Tim and Eric style of comedy that's out these days. They just keep going. Yeah. There's a lot of cool stuff

out there now. I know. And especially when you can just make a clip and just throw it up on YouTube or throw it up on the internet. There's just so many people that can just do things now.

Yeah. You know? It's really cool that they took a chance and overnight it got like 3 million hits in less than 24 hours. That's awesome.

That's beautiful, man. We're living a great time. It's the fucking best time ever. It really is. It is. And it's just so new. All these opportunities are so new. Yeah.

Trials and tribulations aside, all this shit about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches being racist and all this stupidity. It's still awesome. I know. It's the most awesome time. It's just there's too many people talking. That's all it is. It's weird that people use so much. They use the technology to just complain and stuff. There's creators and there's destroyers.

There's whiners and there's people that fucking contribute. There's a lot of destroyers out there. Yeah. But you know what I mean, man? A lot of it is just misplaced energy i've talked to destroyers former destroyers who are now creators yeah they've apologized to me like for like some shit they wrote like i'm sorry i tweeted that out you're sorry i said that i was just blah blah blah and you know they want to they want to be creators but they don't have the balls or they don't have the experience and then they see you doing it and they get they put that energy towards you yeah well you know yeah there's also some

people look at other people's success as their failure so i don't like you're detracting from them like every time the full charge goes on tour people back home go fucking full charge out there in portland yeah fuck no now they're pissed fuck this man you know i started out that dude fuck man i can't even get booked who booked you there man he should just call me that's another beautiful thing about this i just fucking i booked the venues myself segura said that to me he's like this is the thing that people do that's like the grossest thing god how'd you get that yeah i've heard that expression since i started how'd you get that yeah how'd you get that what What's the formula? What's the math equation

so I can do it too? Yeah. Fucking Ian Edwards was talking about that too. He's like, that's that weird shit that people say to you. How'd you get that?

Right. How'd you get that? I just called this guy Jeff. I just fell in my lap, bro. Super easy. Yeah, I didn't even write anything. I just show up and start talking.

It was a million different things combined. Individual to me and that's how. It was a million different things combined. Individual to me, and that's how it happened. A million different things, you freak bitches. Yeah. So when you put together these tours, are you doing this shit with an agent? Are you doing it all by yourself? I just do it by myself.

That's cool. Yeah. That's another thing that you can do today that you can never do before. The middlemen across the board are getting cut out, which is beautiful. Yeah, and they don't have to be middlemen. It's not like there's not a whole lot of opportunities for other shit to be done. Right. It's just great because of email and Twitter.

Half these people are following me on Twitter. I'm like, oh shit, there's this club that's following me in Portland that's following me. I'll just tweet them and see what's up. Exactly. Did you see the video of the elephant fighting off 14 lions? No. No, let's see it. It's on my Twitter.

Follow it. It's pretty awesome because the elephant wins. Elephants just seem... Spoiler alert. Elephants just seem so fucking cool. Like, it's really kind of hard to believe that people shot them just for their ivory. They just... I mean, I know that they kill people sometimes And storm into villages and stomp everything down

Right Look don't hate the player Wasn't it this podcast you guys were talking about How they just used to They electrocuted elephants As an experiment Yeah what Thomas Edison did To show the power

And no one blogged about it Not back then they didn't You could cook an elephant in Times Square. Nobody would give a shit back then. It was for human advancement. That video will get us pulled, but if we do a screenshot. Will it really get us pulled?

Yeah, I'm sure it will. So here's a bunch of tigers fighting over it, and then we'll just skip ahead one second. Well, here's what happens. The lions jump on this thing's back, and they try to drag it down. Just Google it. It's worth watching because it feels good.

A young elephant fights 14 lions and wins. But you know what, man? If you shot one of those lions, everybody would be super mad at you. If you're sitting there watching, imagine this is what happens. You're sitting there watching this elephant getting fucked up by these lions. So you just fucking pull out of your 4x4, climb up on the roof, line this motherfucker up, and you see this lion's body give up.

You'd be, people would be really pissed at you. Dear internet, I can't believe they shot that lion. But if you, you know, if you just sit back and let the lions kill the elephant, you know, do you pick a side? Do you pick a side when you see 14 lions trying to kill an elephant? Yes, elephant. You pick a side for the elephant.

I think so, too. Because elephants are herbivores. They're not predators. Right. But isn't that just how it works, man? If the lions can bring down the elephant, they eat it. That's how it works. Yeah, it's nature.

That's the game they're all playing. Isn't that the game they're all playing? That is the game they're all playing. If it's a person, like some chick on Facebook, posing with a dead lion, she's the cunt. Right. Right? But if the lions take this elephant out, they're like, look, the lion had to do it. The chick took a flight over here.

She's an asshole. She's just doing this for fun. She's like a homo gypsy. But if the chick was there, and she was doing it for fun, and she saw this, and she said, you know what? Fuck these lions. I'm going to kill one of those lions. Would people be angry at her?

I think they probably would. People pick teams. Yeah. Even when it comes to animals. That's a little weird. I love lions, but I just know elephants are way fucking smarter than. Yeah. They can paint.

Yeah. They can paint their face. Really? You know what I'm saying? No, no, no. That'll get us pulled too. But there's a video. If you go and Google too but there's a video if you go and google it there's a video of an elephant painting his own portrait or her own portrait that's crazy girl

there's a there's only the males have the horns is that what it is the the tusks i don't know about that well the only um the only like antlered animal that's female. As far as like deer and elk, it's caribou. Female caribou have antlers. You have to fight off wolves and shit. Do female elephants have tusks? What about female rams?

Female rams gotta have horns, right? Otherwise you're not a ram. No, a ram is a male. It's a sheep. Female is a sheep Female A sheep Oh no kidding Rams and eels What did I know

Yeah That's why you don't fuck rams Growing up Both male And female African elephants Have tusks Unlike their Asian relatives

Oh no Unlike their Asian relatives African elephants Are not easily domesticated In correct sentence I only had to click on it here So, yeah They both have tusks

You guys hear about these cat dicks? They have little knives in them? They all have good knives Yeah, they stick in like a barb That's awful They're fishing They're fishing for pussy Yeah

Forget cat calls Have you ever heard cats fucking Screaming at each other? Every night Yeah, it sounds like they're fighting You hear it every night? Yeah, I have a. We ever had cats getting cat fucks. Yeah Yeah, it sounds like they're fighting you hear it every night. Yeah, I have a lot of feral cats in my neighborhood The gypsies brought all night That's what happens man when you live in a neighborhood where people just let their cats out Yeah, and then they they like people like let their cats free especially male cats Mm-hmm. Most people don't want to get their male cats fixed. It's pain the ass

I don't have the money. So let the little fucker run around. They got cute balls you want to look at. It's weird because you can tell that there's a couple of the cats that are just like they don't have homes but then there's cats because I live in a nicer neighborhood that are mixed with like Persian cats that have collars and you're like it's like gangs of cats though and at night they just fuck and hang out on your

car. Well you rarely see a cat with his balls. Yeah. You rarely see a male cat with balls if you go over people's houses their cats their male cats are always neutered because if your male cat isn't he pisses everywhere right back up and piss on your wall this is mine and you can't stop them yeah there you're gonna do it i had a cat do it i had my feral cat i don't know if you ever met him do you ever meet jack dempsey he's the all all black cat. I don't think so. Oh, yes. Frank killed him? Yes, yes, I did. Frank Sinatra, the pit bull killed him.

That was awful. Yeah, he just got cocky one too many times with that dog. He was a fierce little cat. But I had him neutered. But it's very rare that you find one that's not neutered. You know, my cat was feral. Like, I got him, he was a couple months old, and my friend laney had rescued him and it was a total disaster i should have never done it but when i brought him home he's pissing everywhere man he's picking his ass

up and trying to piss on the walls when i had to bring him to the vet to get him uh get him neutered i literally had to throw a bathrobe over him and tackle him in the bathroom i trapped him in the bathroom and he was like hissing at me, climbing up the drapes. I'm like, listen, motherfucker, I'm not going to kill you. I love you. I'm just here to take you to the vet.

If I picked him up, once I picked him up, he'd start purring, like instantly. He'd be like... Like he would know that I was okay once I picked him up, but on the way to picking him up,

he'd be like... He would fucking scramble up the walls and run from me. It was the nuttiest shit ever. And then when I first adopted him, I slept with him in a room for like several days, just me and him in the room. I pushed a bed into this room. I had like this spare bedroom.

I pushed some books in there, and I had to keep it shut in the door real quick so he couldn't run out. I put him in there, put a litter box in there, put some food in there, and I had to keep it shut in the door real quick so he couldn't run out. Yeah. I put him in there, put a litter box in there, put some food in there, and just hung out with him. Just so he totally got used to me. And when I'd come near him, even like after I'd picked him up a bunch of times, I'd come near him and I'd fucking scatter, run across the walls. He was a little tiny thing, man.

But when I finally would get him, he would... But as long as I kept a hold of him, he was cool. But as soon as I put him down, he would fucking start hissing and running away. Those are some strong cat noises, man. Those are good. That's amazing. You got that down, man. That cat was nuts, man.

I had an all-black cat when I was a kid. What do you think my mother named this cat? Cunt face. Sambo. Nice parents you got got there don't react to people fucking and name the cat racist names they're nice people but those are two fucked up things that's very fucked up yeah why sambo people don't know what is sambo i mean sambo is a reference to a chain of restaurants, I guess, a hundred years ago. It's very that Aunt Jemima, minstrel show, cartoonish. Minstrel, not menstrual, right?

I don't know. You know what I'm saying, the racist thing. I do. But it's very like blackface. And there was a chain of restaurants called Sambo's. My mom said there was like a black guy in the Bible named Sambo, but I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. Were your parents Bible thumpers?

No. No? No, they're like Catholic, so they're not really into it. They're just guilted into going every week. Yeah, Catholic is a different kind of religion. That's why you'd never see a Catholic suicide bomber. I heard this whole bit about it. Because no Catholic's in it that much.

Exactly. They just know they have to go. They're guilted into it. The whole deal. Did you hear about the fucking tiger that's loose in France? No. Yeah. There's a real tiger loose in France.

Like someone thought it was a lynx or something like that. And they got a photo of it. And then they realized like, holy shit, this is a tiger. There's a young male tiger wandering around Paris. Jesus Christ, that's romantic. But that's fucking terrifying, isn't it? Yeah. American werewolf in London?

No, American tiger in Paris. Ooh. Did you know this? There's more tigers in Texas than there are in the wild. Didn't know that. You know what I say? Good. I like Texas, and tigers can go fuck themselves.

That's what I say. I think we got a win-win situation here. I like it. Are there any tigers in Mexico? Like, is it just Texas? No. Mexico has jaguars. Gotcha.

Tiger on the loose in Paris suburbs. People told to stay inside. You think? Fucking. Look at that guy. He's dead. They're going to grab the back of his head. Strong.

Strong cat noises. Fucking horrible, horrible feeling it must be to just feel that thing biting down the back of your head and know. You'd be so great at reading books to kids. Like a classroom of kids Like a book about animals

You would blow that shit out of the park I did read one book on tape once I don't remember the book Was there any animals in it? No, it was just, you know, I just had to be dramatic It was a little kids book It was a book for little kids I love reading to my kids though

We read The Gruffalo Or Cat in the Hat I'm a bad motherfucker because of Cat in the Hat I do the different voices and shit for little kids. Okay. I love reading to my kids though. I get really, we read the Gruffalo. Yeah. Or Cat in the Hat. I'm a bad motherfucker because of Cat in the Hat. I do the different voices and shit. Yeah. They love it. They make me read the same books

over and over and over again. Kids are weird, man. They want to watch the same shows. My daughter has watched Frozen no less than a hundred times. Like they can, my four year old can sing the words,

let it go, let it go, don't hold me back anymore they they just want to see the same shit over and over and over again they're like jamie with interstellar they want to see the same shit over and over isn't it weird that like books are still interesting to kids too i mean imagination yeah do you know what these guys are called no bernstein bears bernstein bears or as my mom used to call them the sambo bears that's uh here's a weird thing these aren't these are not called the

bernstein bears what are they called the bernstein bears no kidding a-i-n but for some reason everybody thinks it's bernstein including myself but uh yeah growing up we used to always call them the bernstein bears but look at the name. Oh, no kidding. Berenstain Bears. It's so weird. Weird fucking bear family that'll eat your asshole. Horrible monsters that everybody wants to think are cute. That bear thing is so strange, man. That's the weirdest thing that people have an attachment to, because bears are fucking,

they don't give a shit about you. No, they'll kill you as soon as they meet you. 100%. And the only reason why they're not, like when people run into bears and they're not killing them, it's because they have other food. Yeah, they just ate or something? Yeah, they ate a bunch of salmon. They have some berries that they ate.

They don't need to eat you. What about panda bears? Are they vicious? Vicious, rapists, horrible racists. Pandas are the worst. Koala bears, a lot of sexually transmitted disease Chlamydia Like for real

Koala bears transmit sexually transmitted disease to each other Or to people I think to each other Where'd you get the clap Koala bear honey I never cheat on you with people It was so cute And then he starts fucking

Yeah It's weird Koala bears Yeah it's the It's killing them though Like as a It really is It's threatening Why isala bears? Yeah, it's killing them, though. Like, as a... It really is. It's threatening them, like...

Why is that funny? To take them out. Chlamydia, the STD, threatening an Australian icon. Oh, God. You've got to take them down to Planned Parenthood. Well, like, that's kind of... Here's the thing, man. We're so funny with what we want to keep around.

You know, we have this idea that we are in charge, somehow or another, of making sure that animals don't go extinct. And a koala bear needs to stay around. Right. Does it really? I mean, I don't think we should go kill them all. Okay? I don't think that.

But if they all die because of fucking herpes, I think maybe we should concentrate on poor people before we concentrate on herpes-ridden koala bears. Yeah, absolutely. That's just me, dude. You're right. I'm crazy sensible when it comes to that shit. You can accidentally get an STD from a koala bears. Yeah, absolutely. That's just me, dude. You're right. I'm crazy sensible when it comes to that shit. You can accidentally get an STD from a koala bear. Okay. That's what you should have.

You should have koala bears in your house, Brian. Koala koala. That way you always have a built-in excuse. Yeah. You should get a fucking koala bear. It's not what you think, honey. Baby, look. I'm going to show you the article on Google. It's a PDF file. It's an what you think honey baby look I'm gonna show you the article on Google

It's a PDF file your house an edu address your house is just tanning beds and koala Just so you have an out all shit that can give you STDs Has anybody ever really gotten a tanning bed venereal disease is that real I have no idea I did I know this is the first I'm hearing of this of a tanning bed venereal disease? Is that real? I have no idea. I didn't, this is the first I'm hearing of this. Yeah, you can get, supposedly you can get herpes

from a tanning bed. Oh, shit. But you can always get herpes from a toilet seat. No, you, can you? Yeah. My sister used to own, That must be where I got it from.

My sister used to own a tanning bed studio in Boston. Yeah. It was like a business that she started. Right. And she said the problem was

girls would masturbate inside of them and they had to clean it. She said it was like sometimes she could smell it. She would it was like sometimes she could smell it. She would go in there. You could smell it. These chicks had just been fucking.

They're just fingering themselves while they're in there tanning. I do, too. Keep it in your coffee, girls. You beat off in the tanning? Oh, yeah. Because especially since. He beats off everywhere. The girls that work there, they're all pretty hot and tan, and they're all girls that work there.

So you come in, and you're just like, you know she's just right on the other side of this little like little cheap door so you're just like naked and you're like why not i'm just gonna beat it and it's always those hollow shitty doors oh yeah like you shut them clunk there's always echo it's like this barely right anybody could just punch their hand through that door right yeah it's like the shade design you know like the shades like the window shade design where you could actually see through it so if you walk past one you can see like a second you could see a woman like laying there so yeah that's kind of crazy like you're naked and you're compressed in this thing that puts light on you it comes from metal glass tubes like how weird are people man it's you're lying there and you got little goggles on and shit

but your butthole's just butthole to glass. It's really... Yeah. And you get that weird tan spot where you get a little white spot in between your ass cheeks because your cheeks compress when you lie there. So I would try to spread my ass cheeks while I was lying there to make sure that I got some tanning on that one area. I tuck my dick, though, in between.

You tuck your dick? Yeah, I don't want my dick tanned for some reason. Your dick never needs a tan. But it could make it look bigger. True. I don my dick, though, in between. You tuck your dick? Yeah, I don't want my dick tanned for some reason. Your dick never needs a tan. But it could make it look bigger. True. I don't know if it does. Don't things look bigger

when they're white? Isn't that why overweight people like to wear black? Black is slimming. That's why black dicks are so impressive. Even though they're dark.

They're dark. They're still huge. You're like, Jesus Christ. Imagine if it was white. Imagine if you had a white dick. It was all white and it was giant A big fucking albino

Brock Lesnar style dick Do you think Brock has a big dick? I don't think he has little anything Who? Giant shits He's a giant human What's he going to have that's little? Even his little pinky nails

You always hear that Shaq has a small dick. I don't buy that for a second. I think Shaq has probably got an enormous dick. He's just so big that it probably looks normal-sized on him. He's seven foot fucking tall. It's huge. That guy's so big, man. I've stood next to him on a bunch of occasions, shook his hand and shit.

He always comes by and says hi. He's a big UFC fan. And when you put your hand in his, like to do that bro handshake, you know this one? You do like that. My hand just disappears. It's like I'm shutting my hand in a refrigerator. It's a giant hand. He's an enormous

man. His dick's probably fucking huge. It's probably exactly what it is. It's probably so big that it just probably just looks normal compared to him. I mean, look at that. Get the fuck out of out of here you tell me that guy's got a little dick i think he's walking next to his dick look at that just dick please stop it how is it possible that guy has a little dick god can you imagine even if it's small for his size it's 10 inches can i imagine him fucking her brian you just crossed the line no i mean like the size difference

it's just ridiculous. You could just murder her. Maybe. Maybe she could take it. Some girls just... So he ain't working out no more, huh? Is that what that picture's all about? Is that...

Look, Shaq got fat. Well, big dudes like that, that is a reality of life. They don't live that long. Tall guys don't either. Well, that's what he is. That's what we're saying. Okay. It's tall.

Tall guys don't too. Black guys don't. he is. That's what we're saying. Okay. Tall. Tall guys don't too. Black guys don't. That's not what we're saying. Look at that. It's backwards, and that still makes me freak out. Imagine if a girl had a guy like that. You would imagine the girl's just stuffing that guy in her pussy. Just making him eat her out from the G-spot.

A shakto. She only goes out with guys who can hold their breath. How long can you hold your breath? I can hold my breath for like three minutes. Show me. Okay. I want you to eat the inside of my pussy for three minutes. Eat the G-spot.

Well, there's certain animals that absorb the male after they breed. Black widows? Yeah, there's a bunch of bugs that kill the male after they breed. I think females do, too. I think praying mantis do, don't they? Yeah. I think there's a bunch of bugs that do that. Black widows do that.

There's quite a few. There's one ant where they take the male and they bite all of his fucking limbs off. The male is bigger. And they take him and they bite all of his legs and wings off. And they bring him to the hive and then they they make him breed that's weird that there's a society where like that's all the males are good for i don't think it's a society well you know what i mean it's crazy little ants it's a group that's the real danger about space man is that like uh starship trooper style you could land somewhere and there's giant bugs. Like that's the reality.

We're lucky the bugs are fucking little, man. No kidding. They live with us. They're in our world. I found a praying mantis the other day and I got a video of this. My daughter found it and I put it on her hand and then she was holding it. They try to get you and stuff, but they can't get you. They can get like a bug or a hummingbird or something like that but they really can't get a person and we put it on this this branch and just right where we put it just by total luck there was a bunch of ants

crawling on the branch and just starts eating the ants wow just picking them up and eating them while sitting there and they were going oh my god he's eating the ants. I'm like, whoa, this is so cool. And I tried to video it, but it's hard to get that. But that's going on right now. You know what I'm saying? That is a reality of life. Now, if that thing was as big as a giraffe and the ants were the size of pigs, and you opened your window, you looked out there, and you see this fucking...

Eating pigs. The pigs kicking and trying to get away we would live in a horrific environment that's like starship troopers like the only difference between that and you know and and our reality is that these bugs are small right but they're bugs man bugs they have a they have no emotions yeah as far as we know. They live this very alien, almost mechanical life. They're similar to robots. They're like a little weird robotic alien creature that lives side by side with us. It's just so small. We don't think about it.

Isn't it weird? The ants see all their friends getting eaten, and they don't react to it. They just walk right into it. They walk right into it. Because they're programmed they're not like i almost think like in the future way thousands of years we're going to find out that bugs and stuff are actually completely way more advanced than us and that you know like like look at hummingbirds that doesn't look like nature that looks like a fucking jet fighter you know it's that does not seem like

you know the same thing as a snail. Well, can you imagine if someone could figure out a way to make a military aircraft that can maneuver like a hummingbird? Like a large military aircraft that goes... Like, what they can do is incredible. The way they can move back and forth and all around.

I have a hummingbird feeder outside my house, and I have tons of hummingbirds. If you have the new iPhone that has that slow motion video thing, it is so badass, dude. It's really cool. Dude, that's dope. Yeah. Yeah, they're beautiful, man. That's funny.

That's one thing I noticed about, again, I watched the Mencio video again last night and just how bad camera phones were for motion picture. Oh, yeah. Like at the end of the video it's like really you know that's a e815 that's like that lg right uh yeah lg or motorola may have been right before the razor i think it was but it was that one that you flip open and it was like the first camera phone that did video yeah and it was one of the ones that you flipped open and it was sideways no no it wasn't the envy it wasn't the envy it was way before the envy this was the first video phone which was on verizon and and i my battery died when i did them

in cfd there's because there's like an extra two hours that i've never been seen yeah but then my my it died and so then i was like fuck what do i do oh my camera phone so the last part where with don barris and steve rennazisi and all that stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah wow it's Don Barris and Steve Renzese and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. It's crazy that that was just a short amount of time ago. It was. Seven years. But if we ever landed on another planet and found bugs, like big giant bugs like that,

you know what a mind fuck that would be? If you landed on some planet and there was enormous dinosaur-sized praying mantises running around, they attack the drone, like we land a drone somewhere and it fucking picks up the drone like we land a drone somewhere and it fucking picks up the drone and crushes it starts sucking the batteries out of it or if it had all the same animals and people and stuff but mixed together weird like humans were like in love with

ostriches or something like that and you try what about this what about a species specific mating wasn't necessary that everything fucked everything everything. Oh, wow. And so you would get hybrids everywhere you looked, like dog hybrids. You could fuck a sheep and a ram. You could fuck anything you wanted. And whenever you fucked something, it would make a combination. Like everybody could get everybody pregnant,

including animals could get people pregnant. That would be so much fun, wouldn't it? That would be so cool. It would be the old comedy. Have a little koala bear? You get herpes out of it, but it'd be worth it. It would be figuring out a way to make a weapon to protect your butthole.

Every time you left the house, something would be trying to fuck you and get you pregnant. And then you try to tell people about this planet, and all they care about is your fucking t-shirt. Imagine how much more sensitive we would all be to each other if we could all get pregnant. If it was universal, if everybody got pregnant. I wouldn't trust anybody. Like, if there was universal if everybody got pregnant i wouldn't trust anybody like if there was no disparity i would never sleep think about how much like disparity there is and like physical strength and ability like we were looking at chiquillo neil and his wife obviously he's just so much bigger and stronger than her right but what if everybody was the exact

same size like all people are the exact same size and everybody could get everybody pregnant now you're talking what what would the reality of this world be? Would there be more people or less people? It would depend on our urges, right? If we have the same urges, it would probably be the same amount of people. We just figure out a way to deal with the fact that we're just going to fuck each other. Yeah, I think it would be relatively the same amount of people, because I'd say most children come from a mutual relationship. Well well just think about how many people back in the roman days how many men

went gay because they were just off on campaign together and they're butt fucking these musky unshaven shit smeared assholes of sword murderers no baby should be born that way yeah i mean this is that's not a love child that's the reason why they went gays because back then they didn't have anything to clean their pussies and they just smelled really really bad like how could their pussy smell worse than a dude's asshole unless you're shitting out of your pussy because you can wipe the outside of your butthole out but you like there's like shit dying in those pussies some i think some of them probably smell great i bet people you know like people are not supposed to be like washing with soap you know

they say right they say that like when you wash with like one of the things a big mistake people make when they do jujitsu don't take a shower right before you go to class right you actually shouldn't you should like limit your showering to about two hours before class because when you shower it takes about a half an hour supposedly supposedly, from the stuff I've read. Obviously, I'm no expert. For your body's natural flora to start to replenish itself. So if you go and get scratched or you do something where you're going to be in physical contact with someone and you take a shower first, you have a higher likelihood of you not having the skin flora

to fight off any potential weird shit. That's interesting, because I always shave after a shower. We can do that. Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, it's different. We're talking about jujitsu. Oh, my bad. It's not the same as shaving.

I thought we were talking about an injury. What are you doing when you're shaving? I always cut myself. I'm sorry. I guess I missed your point. No, jujitsu, you get staph infections, and you're shaving. I always cut myself. I'm sorry. I guess I missed your point. No, I don't mean it. No, jujitsu, you get staph infections and you get funk from the ground. So I think the point being that a woman's natural flora, like the natural bacteria in

her body, that's one of the reasons why women supposedly are more susceptible to yeast infections when they take antibiotics. Because antibiotics kills all the bacteria the good stuff too and so they can get that pussy phone and there's a smell and this is not any woman's fault okay this is just unfortunate but there's a smell that is capable of coming out of a vagina that until you smell it you can't believe it and when you do smell it you go how is this possible how is it possible that the human body what is what is the human body saying we'll try to warn you it's trying to say

this is not good right don't go down there how come if that's the case why doesn't herpes smell i don't know it should how come yeast infection case, why doesn't herpes smell? I don't know. It should. How come yeast infections smell, but why doesn't venereal disease? Why doesn't a person smell like AIDS? I don't know. And how can dogs sometimes smell cancer? That's crazy. Well, they train them to smell cancer. Did you hear about this guy that recently lost his hearing,

and he can now only hear Wi-Fi signals wherever he goes? Get the fuck out of here. He's almost deaf, but it's driving him crazy because he can only hear hear like wi-fi signals wherever he goes get the fuck out of here he's almost deaf but it's driving him crazy because he can only hear wi-fi signals whoa that sounds like hell on earth yeah well you know they say that bees can hear cell phone signals really yeah is that why they're dying off there's that and there's also pesticides like um they've had a bunch of bees died off really recently, like millions of bees. And it coincided with the production of some genetically modified crop that resists pesticides. It was a real recent story. I'll pull it up.

That's why bees have been gossipy lately. Yeah. And bees going extinct is a way bigger problem than, say, koala bears going extinct, right? Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. Bees are really, a way bigger problem than, say, koala bears going extinct, right? Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. Bees are really, really a big issue. When bees die, it's not good at all. I'm trying to find the most recent shit.

It's a very recent story. Have you ever met a guy that collected butterflies? No. Like with the pins in the boxes? I've just seen that in movies and shit, but I've never seen anyone actually do it. Yeah, man who can hear Wi-Fi wherever he wants. There's insecticides that they're blaming on killing off bees. I think apparently the Wi-Fi signals and any radio signals and cell phone signals,

they all have the potential to disrupt the natural communication methods that a lot of insects use. And bees especially are sort of susceptible to cell phone signals that it fucks with them. Yeah. Millions of bees dead. I've got to find this. Bees dead. Because they were trying to figure out what it was. Why did 37 million bees fall out

of the air 37 million man that's pretty crazy and um they're they're trying to put it together but some people of course are connecting it with genetically modified corn so it's a shock incident came just weeks after genetically modified corn was planted in ontario according to the local honey gatherers beekeeper dave Schultz lost about 37 million bees, which is around 600 hives. Whoa. UrbanHomesteadHoney.com is where he did this interview. He said, once the corn started to get planted, our bees died by the millions. The collapse in the local honeybee population has caused widespread concern with many pointing to pesticides

as the cause in the decline of colonies. Supposedly they were making a comeback though. Some recent reports like this one says after decline honeybears appear to make a comeback. Honeybees, not honeybears. Hey boo boo. Ha boo boo.

Picnic baskets. Yeah man, I don't know. You know, it's like when people fuck with nature like that and you start messing around adding pesticides and pesticide-resistant plants and you start fucking with what that plant is and then these bees start dying. You know, I mean,

I'm all for, I'm all for people trying to improve things, but this seems like a complete disaster if that's what it actually turns out to be doing it. That's scary shit too, man.

That someone could just invent something like that. 37 million bees can die like instantly. Yeah, that we're capable of doing that? That's nuts.

It's just total unintended consequence of creating this pesticide resistant plant you plant it and then just everything dies deer start fucking stiff lagging in the middle of the street yeah and you don't even know it's fall from the sky you don't really know how it happened yeah because birds eat the insects and insects eat the pesticides and all the shit just comes together and then you get cancer from eating the birds and yeah you're promoting pseudoscience man why don't you just stand out as anti-vaccine man you're anti-science i think it's actually there's science in 37 million bees dying right after genetically modified corn is being planted.

I think there's probably science to be had there. I think so. I feel like if you studied it and you analyzed the data, just the idea of being a bee is pretty fucking trippy. Living with a bunch of other assholes, making this weird fucking geometric pattern with little cubicles and everybody lives in these cubicles they all know how to do it they all know no bees come along where they forget the old ways they don't know how to make hives

every year they figure out how to make hives and then that queen cunt she goes around stabbing all the female babies the queen bee is the only one that doesn't have a retractable removable thorn okay her her little fucking pincher her little her little pussy nail that she has down there her stinger doesn't doesn't go out she can sting you all day right and the reason why is so that she can murder female babies so she goes near the hive sniffs out when she smells a female one in there she fucking stabs the shit out of it. She's stabbing babies before they can be born. So she doesn't get overthrown by a female?

Exactly. Because there can be only one. It's like Highlander. This bitch goes around with her sword pussy and just starts stabbing little baby females in their box before they even get hatched. And they spend their whole lives just making honey, huh? They could be the size of horses. It's more humane that way. Imagine.

Oh, fuck that. Imagine if they were like elephants. Big, cunty, flying elephants that sting babies. Would we still be so kind if they gave us honey? No, fuck honey. At that point. Sending fighter jets after those bitches. Yeah! USA! Imagine what a bee could do to a fighter jet, though. No, fuck honey. At that point. We'd be sending fighter jets after those bitches. Yeah. USA.

Imagine what a bee could do to a fighter jet, though. Probably just grab it and rip it apart. Oh, yeah. If a bee was the size of an elephant, they'd probably just throw jets out of the sky. Just grab a bitch. Stick a stinger right through it. Take you to a volcano. We'd see a fucking live video of the pilot screaming as the bees flew him over the volcano and dropped him in.

No, no. video of the pilot screaming as the bees flew him over the volcano and dropped him in no no i hope we never get to this point i really do what do you think we would do if if insects started getting bigger if they just kept getting bigger and you know how like every year gets like a little warmer well first i'd panic and then i'd not know what the fuck to do. How long would it take before we would act? If bees started getting that big, and if kids, what I'm holding up is a coffee stirrer that's probably about, what is that, about four inches? Five inches, yeah. Four or five inches. Imagine if they were, okay, let's go six.

Imagine if they were six-inch bees. Would we still tolerate that? No. No. No fucking way. We'd start no no fucking way would find a way to cook them they'll be like little lobsters what if they were delicious oh i bet they're great what if they're like soft shell crabs then i'm eating them problems are good well they're edible i know that put some old bay on that shit i'm pretty sure we made people eat bees

yeah that's big i know we did actually yeah that well that's a um asian Yeah, that's a big deal. I know we did, actually. Yeah, well, that's a... Asian hornet. That's a hornet. They kill bees. We've actually showed that video before and it also got us pulled from YouTube. When did you start

getting pulled from YouTube? Like, crazy, man. People have copyrights on all these videos, especially nature videos, which we, being the retards that we are, watch a lot of.

And when they have those and they put those on uh youtube they own the video so if you play it in even if it's fair use you play and do commentary on it and even tell people to go to see it on youtube they still have a copyright call on you and they pull your video down but it's not it's not like you're doing anything illegal it is actually fair use look at the image of that thing jesus christ you okay that's probably like three inches long right that's a big goddamn bug two three about three inches long tap that guy's hand right about three inches just so i know what size my dick is guys oh guys hey now

that's about three inches that's a fucked up bug but if they were like a foot long we would have to start taking them out we wouldn't tolerate it they were killing bug. But if they were like a foot long, we'd have to start taking them out. We wouldn't tolerate it. They were killing babies and shit. If they were bird size, pigeon size, it'd be war against the bees. Fuck honey. Fuck any repercussions. Look at the size of those fucks. Oh, we're already there, dude.

What are those things? What are they called? Let's see. We're looking at bees that are like cell phones. Those are like cell phone size bees. That's a StarTAC. It's a Motorola StarTAC. It's a...

Asian giant hornet. Asian giant hornet. Fuck Asia. Fuck that. No wonder they're jumping off buildings out there. Fuck bugs in Asia. That's bullshit. Jesus Christ, this hornet will be the last thing you see before you die.

Fuck! Oh, my God. And that easily could, you know, sting the shit out of you and ruin your week. Yeah! Sting you right in your dick hole. Climbs on your dick and stings you inside your hole. You wake up screaming. And you can't get the stinger out.

Because as the hornet dies, it pulls out. And you see the stinger. It's in there, but the, it pulls out, and you see the stinger, it's in there, but the tweezers are too big, and you're like, fuck. Can't get it in. But you still take a picture of it

because your dick is swollen. Because it makes it look bigger? It makes it look bigger. Got attacked by giant hornets. Whoa. And they ate holes through his arm? Yeah. What?

I'm never going outside again. What is that, from the venom? I think it's from being stung. Yeah, but go to the actual page itself and see if the venom erodes your skin tissue or something. Like bullet holes. Nature's scary as fuck, dude. When I was up in Canada this week, is that what it is? The sting can dissolve human tissue.

We're all doomed. That's so not cool. The more we learn, the more scared I am about the outside world. Go to my Instagram and check out the picture of the cow, the calf rather, the moose calf that got torn apart by wolves that we found when we were in British Columbia. We were up in British Columbia and there's a lot of wolves up there. Yeah. Look at this. Holy shit. Yeah. We were up in British Columbia, and there's a lot of wolves up there. Yeah. Look at this.

Holy shit. Yeah. We came upon that. It was only like a day or so old because there was still meat on the bones, and there was still like the tissue, like the meat, the tissue around the legs that was still there wasn't rotten at all. So it was a pretty recent kill. And there was hair, all that white stuff That you see On the ground That's all hair Jeez

All that stuff That you see That looks like feathers That's all moose hair And they The wolves had Drawn a calf And calves are huge

Right A wolf Like A moose calf Is like the size Of a big deer Like they're really big And they just

Torn this thing apart And we came upon it Whatever a day Two days after they did it Yeah And we came upon it whatever a day two days after they did it yeah and we we came upon it because uh the guy mike that was the um the guy that we were with he saw crows flying overhead so he's like let's uh let's go find out what these guys are eating right and we could smell it as we got closer yeah but it's just so eerie to be right there where you know that some wolves were like howling and ripping apart this thing while it was still alive oh yeah oh yeah well just the horror of all that shit this guy who was there

said that this guy mike said that his friend had found a moose that had lived for three days while wolves were eating its ass end it somehow stayed alive and in shock and when they came upon it happened it took three days and they they. And when they came upon, it happened, it took three days. And they were there when it first started and they didn't step in, they didn't intervene.

And the wolves, and they came back. Yeah. Two and a half days later, this fucking moose was still alive. Fuck that. In shock,

while the wolves were eating its legs and its ass end. Because if they eat it slowly, it just goes into shock and it didn't die. Like he has no idea how it stayed alive, but it was alive for three fucking days

before they finally killed it. So they were just feeding off of it while it was still alive. And oftentimes they eat it from the ass first for whatever reason. They have a natural instinct to take out the back legs because they hamstring you.

When they take out the back legs, you can't run away. And then they just start eating you there's this there's this crazy video of these two deer that had got into a fight they were like clashing uh antlers together and when they clashed antlers together they got stuck sometimes this happens deer get stuck and they can't they can't get away and they're like they're moving around their antlers are so interlocked they literally they're pulling apart and they can't so the coyotes they're like, they're moving around. Their antlers are so interlocked. They literally, they're pulling apart and they can't. So the coyotes ate one of them while the other one was still alive.

And so there's this video of these two deer stuck together. And one of the deer is dead. And these hunters had found it. And it ate it asshole first. So this pack of coyotes got a hold of the one deer, was eating it asshole first, while the other deer was like moving and flipping and attached to the rest of the carcass of this deer. So they finally went over and they separated the two of them, and then the one deer, they

let him go, and then they took photos and videos of the deer that it was all fucked up, but it had literally eaten it, asshole first. Jesus Christ, man. Yeah. Can you imagine? I mean, the other deer is alive while this is happening.. Jesus Christ, man. Yeah. Can you imagine? I mean, the other deer is alive. Yeah. While this is happening.

Yeah. Fuck, man. Nature is a scary, scary bitch. There's a bunch of coyotes in Griffith Park. Fuck yeah, there are. I see them running around all the time. They go into the neighborhoods and stuff. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, as long as they have food, you're okay. Right. But as soon as they run out of rabbits and squirrels and shit to kill, and cats and dogs, then they start going into the suburbs. They start looking around for other shit. Yeah.

They eat berries, too, sometimes. You'll come across, like, coyote shit that's filled with berries, which I thought was weird. I didn't know that coyotes weren't totally carnivores. Yeah, I never heard that until just now. Do you think you could eat a coyote if you had to stay alive? If I had to. Sounds like a lot of work, though, and I don't know if I really know how to do it. Do you think you could eat a coyote if you had to stay alive? If I had to. Sounds like a lot of work, though, and I don't know if I really know how to do it. Do I have a knife?

How to kill it, you mean? Do I have a knife and do I have fire? Oh, killing is one thing. Yeah, you have fire and yes, you have a knife because you have to gut it. Okay, then yeah, I could do it. You don't want to cook it with the guts intact. Right? No.

I mean, you got to gut it. You got to skin it. You got to cook it. That's the world of nature, man. Then you got to eat it. Then you got to do it again tomorrow. The full charge, have you ever thought about going hunting? I went hunting one time.

I shot a bird. What kind of bird? I don't know. Did you eat it? No. No, it was terrible It was a terrible thing to do And I felt horrible

And I moved on with my life It was a shotgun The bird had no chance Whatsoever That's a weird thing Like people say Why don't you make it fair? You can't make it fair dude

A beaver will kill you If you try to make it fair Right A beaver will fuck you up man Right Like you can't use your hands And you have to like Get on the ground And try to bite it Fuck that The beaver will win you if you try to make it fair. Right. A beaver will fuck you up, man. Right. Like you can't use your hands and you have to get on the ground and try to bite it? Fuck that. The beaver will win.

They eat trees with their face. Yeah. How are you going to kick a beaver's ass? No, you've got to use a weapon. Yeah. You're not going to win. There's no fair. Nothing's fair.

We should have fucking shotguns for this shit. That's one thing that people want to say. Why don't you make it fair? To make it fair, there would have to be a 50-50 proposition that you would die and that the animal would kill you yeah 50 50 the animal would die 50 50 you would die yeah it's not gonna happen why would the animal's gonna win why would you do that yeah that seems so stupid that seems like such that's like distorting what's going on because are we ultimate fighting with animals are we eating them like what's going on we're eating them i mean do we have animal weight classes like you know like we have to find out like what like i will fuck up a 20 pound house cat if i get a hold of it it'll

probably scratch me up but the bottom line is if i can get a hold of it and get its back legs just bash its head on the ground that's easy i'm kill that cat. Most likely, with my hands. But a 30-pound cat? It might fuck me up. A 40-pound cat? I'm going to be really scared. A 50-pound cat will probably kill me. 50-pound cat will most likely kill me. So you'd have to, for fairness sake,

you'd have to have a 35-pound cat fight. Right. Being a normal person? Dude, trust me. When I tell you that I was scared of this kitten that i had my feral feral kitten yeah i'm telling you man when when the shit goes down and cats are fighting for their lives a 30 pound 35 pound cat will give you a beating well look at that reporter that famous video the reporter and the cat going up the reporter's leg. Oh, dude, they'll fuck you up, man. They live in a totally different world of movement.

They live in a world of superhuman athleticism. Yeah. You know, a 35-pound cat is a formidable... A 35-pound pit bull is a dangerous little dog. You versus a kangaroo fighting in the ring. Oh, kangaroo would kick my ass. Kangaroo would kick my ass. The only way I'd be able to beat a kangaroo is if it didn't understand not to give up its back.

I mean, if there was somehow or another that I could scramble with the kangaroo. Like, it would try to kick me, and I would know it's going to try to kick me, so I'd get out of the way and arm drag it. I'd have to arm drag it, and I'd have to take its back. Okay, no jujitsu, only kickboxing. I'd lose. Most likely. Didn't Woody Allen box a kangaroo? No.

Woody Allen was a tiny man who plays jazz. No, he did. He did. And diddles children. No, he boxed a kangaroo in like the 60s on the Tonight Show or something. Come on. I'm serious. Brian, can I get some help?

Yeah, yeah. Let's look it up real quick. Remember the old Looney Tunes kangaroo was always a boxer? The boxing gloves? Well, they definitely have kangaroo boxing. Yeah. I mean, I've seen that. I've seen videos of that. Oh, Woody Allen boxing a kangaroo boxing yeah i mean i've seen that i've seen videos of that oh woody allen boxing uh kangaroo god how did he how did he not get hurt

are you gonna play this he's gonna get us pulled i don't know you think well 1966 let's find out tonight on hippodrome you're gonna watch me fight the fight the Australian light heavyweight champion. It's like a buck twenty. Oh my god, it really is a kangaroo. It's boxing. This is so funny. If you try to do this today if you try to do this today

people would say that this is like animal cruelty. I'm going to go blog about this right now. Look at him moving around. Wow, I can't believe this is real. That fucking kangaroo is going to jack him, man. He actually moves pretty goddamn good. Yeah, he does, doesn't he? Did Woody Allen box before?

They say he was a good athlete. I'm telling you, man, he's moving pretty good. That's not a guy. Oh, shit. See that? Kicked him. Wow. The guy's pushing him into it. Who's the fucking guy? That's fucked up. That's just good guy. Oh, yeah. See that? Kicked him. Wow. The guy's pushing him into it.

Who's the fucking guy? That's fucked up. This is good writing right there. I would punch that guy behind him. That's Hugh Grant. Oh, he's got him in a chokehold. Holy shit. See, right there, that kangaroo's dead.

Because if he does that shit to me, I'm taking his back. I guarantee you, that kangaroo has zero choke defense. You need to update this bit, Joe. Dude, he's moving well. Yeah, just to kick. You're only allowed to kick and box a kangaroo has zero choke defense. You need to update this bit, Joe. Dude, he's moving well. Yeah, you're only allowed to kick and box a kangaroo. No. Because I bet if you start kicking a kangaroo. You don't want to kick him.

You don't want to kick him. Oh, see? See that? See that? That's what I'm saying. He can hurt you, man. They hurt you. Oh, God and baby Jesus.

Look at that. They grab you and they kick you. It spit on the ground. Whoa, keep it going, man. I want to see. I fucked that kangaroo up right there. That's a dead kangaroo right there. If I get that position, I'm throwing the hooks in.

I'm riding his back. He's not going to know what's up. I'll choke the shit out of a kangaroo. You're better than Woody. I changed my position. If I was that guy in the suit, I'm killing that kangaroo with my hands. That's just how it's going down. What can you do? But I would never be in my position. If I was that guy in the suit, I'm killing that kangaroo with my hands. That's just how it's going down. What can you do?

But I would never be in that position. I would never fucking... I think it's cruel as shit, man. Isn't that funny? He's known as such an intellectual comedian. That Woody is? Yeah, and then he just fights the kangaroos a bit. It's not his idea, obviously.

It might have been. He was young. It seems like fun. For piss and vinegar. It seems like fun. Dude, that's what hurt you. Woody Allen moves pretty young. It seems like fun. For piss and vinegar. It seems like fun. Dude. It seems terrifying. I hurt you.

Woody Allen moves pretty good. I'm pretty impressed. I bet he boxed. I really do. He's definitely into boxing. Because there's something, the way he moved. He's always talking about fights and going to fights. He didn't move like a, like there's some guys that go to like boxer size.

Like Brian Callen goes to this place Box and Burn. And you get a lot of these executives that have never boxed a day in their life. They're in there like throwing these ridiculously uncoordinated punches, and it's comical to watch. Right. But that was not that. Like the way he was moving.

Yeah, he looked like he knew what he was doing. Would you fight Woody Allen today? Yes. For a lot of money or? Whatever. How much would it cost? It's a good publicity stunt, right? You think so?

To fight Woody Allen what if you fucked him up I'd back off there'd be a ref you'd back off if you had him rocked if I fucked we're talking about

like a boxing match right whatever you want to do how do you want to do it you could do it tongue post style with broken glass and rope like kickboxing with Jean-Claude Van Damme

I wouldn't want referees I want it to be like a civil fight I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want to beat up Woody Allen too bad, but like you're saying, he looked like he knew what he was doing, and I don't know what I'm doing, so who knows? But I think I could take him.

But he's older now. I think I could take him, yeah. And plus, all the public shame that he's experienced. Probably fuck with his psyche. Probably feel like he doesn't deserve to win. I would fight him for money, but I wouldn't want to hurt him. I like him. Oh, that's sweet.

Do you still like him, even though you know he's kind of a creeper? That really creeps me out, actually. But I still kind of like his movies and stuff. Yeah, isn't that a weird thing with a guy like Woody Allen? It's like, you know, you still like Roman Polanski. People still support him as an artist. But then you find out he drugged and fucked a 13-year-old. No, it's horrible.

What? Rosemary's Baby wasn't that good that I'm fucking sticking up for roma polanski but but woody i don't know i have a greater connection to but i'm also completely grossed out by the idea it's basically a step kid that he raised yeah and i think that's very strange well there's an image of her sitting on his lap as like a father figure going to a basketball game and then an image later many years later he's holding her hand as a boyfriend and girlfriend at a basketball game. I think that's really manipulative. Oh, 100%.

But... That's why I want to fight him. He's got a... There's a great comedy album that I downloaded accidentally that I thought was... I don't have that phone anymore, so I don't have it on me here. But there's a great comedy album that i downloaded that i thought was um woody allen doing stand-up yeah but it turned out to be woody allen giving an interview about stand-up so it was like woody allen on stand-up i

think it's called and uh it's really interesting man because it sort of applies to stand-up today yeah like a lot of the ideas and the principles and like he's talking about performers versus writers and what's good and what's not good and it was really interesting man it was good man when i first started doing stand-up somebody had like an open mic at the coconut teaser handed me a tape i had one side was bill hicks dangerous and the other side was some woody allen stand-up record yeah and it was a pretty good fucking tape that somebody handed him yeah yeah it was not bad man i think this think this one audio thing, Woody Allen on stand-up. This one audio thing really should be something that people should play. Like, comics should play and listen to.

Because just to get a historical perspective of what it was like to be kind of, you know, at the forefront. I mean, if you think about like you're talking about the early 60s yeah you know it was before it was the you know the people talk about stand up in the 70s and was like when when it got uh crystallized as what stand up is today but but there's guys in the 60s like woody Allen, he tells jokes, man. It's pretty similar to what happens now. Go to Woody Allen's stand-up 65 rare. It's on YouTube. He was in England filming.

It's more kangaroo vibes. It's more kangaroo vibes. It was like MMA fight. There was movies. Whoa, that kangaroo's scratching that guy up, man. Oh, this is real? Yeah. Is this real?

It's like a movie about a guy yeah it's a movie that's that breaks it's kicking them in the legs oh this is a terrible movie kick him in the chest there was a lot of there was a lot of kangaroo boxing movies I feel like came out in the 80s that Whoa, that kangaroo is mean. You just can't reason with a kangaroo. Get this terrible, terrible fucking movie off the screen.

If that gets us kicked off YouTube, I'm going to be so pissed at you. What's the video you want me to look up? Oh, Woody Allen stand-up 65 rare.

It's a more subtle form of comedy, this Woody Allen, but it'll do. It's really good though. It's good to see uh like what comedy was in 1965 you know to see like this guy who was known more of like as a filmmaker and play it a little bit and when i was younger i used to hang out a lot the museum in search of a meaningful social relationship of some they used to look for girls we played this before and i saw on the wall once a nude by rubens but a real succulent nude uh a naked huntress stabbing to death a warthog

and i got very emotionally involved with the painting you know two gods had to restrain me tried to lick some of the oil off the camera it's one of those things where like when you know his history now it's kind of weird watching talk about sex and perversion and giving into indulgence and idea yeah yeah yeah no he seems obsessed with sex a little bit yeah and uh it's also interesting though to see like just how physical he was yeah it's not over the top but he's doing like these tricks that he's obviously learned to make people pay attention yeah he's moving around a lot that's a good way yeah dance moves got some dance moves and he used to do like

cafe wa and uh he used to do like those folk scene mics really yeah yeah yeah yeah they'd be like what is cafe wa it's like where hendrix and dylan and everybody played in the village really they all share the stage joan rivers was there bob dylan was there it was nuts man all of them it was like this one venue where where people tried out more artistic things. Wow. Yeah. That's got to be really bizarre, man. To do stand-up intermixed with all these other... Yeah.

Because stand-up wasn't... I don't think there used to be shows where you go see a whole stand-up show back in the day. It was just part of the show. That's why in Annie Hall, Woody Allen goes, Well, I don't want to go on after a comedian. Why do you have to be going on after a comedian? Right, right, right. Like, that wasn't done back in the day.

It was more of a variety show thing. Magicians. Yeah. Jugglers. Petricks. And, yeah, and musicians. It makes you realize, like, how young stand-up comedy really is. Oh, it's way young.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All are forms of human expression. Think about, like, films. Films have only been around for a hundred or so years. You know, books, literature has only been around for what, a thousand years or something like that? People have been writing things down. I mean, there's obviously written language from way, way, way back in the day, like the cuneiform tablets and shit from like 6,000 years ago.

But like how long has it been where people have like acknowledged that what they're writing is bullshit? Like this is fiction. I'm making this up. I want you to like, I'm telling you a story that I totally made up. How long has that been? Not that long, right? Not long. I don't know.

Obviously a long time for like a human life. Sure. But not that long in terms of perspective of the age of the human being or the age of the earth. So all this is like super new, super new. And one of the newest is standup. And one of the newest of the newest is memes. Yeah.

Like jokes in meme form. Jokes in meme form are less than a decade old, right? Yeah. Bill Cosby meme. Yeah. Right? Like you saw the Bill Cosby thing, right? The story?

Yeah. The Bill Cosby meme thing? No, I haven't seen it. Oh, you don't know what happened? No, I don't know. One of the greatest moments in internet history happened okay bill cosby okay you know the story about bill cosby being accused of sexual assault and rape and all this jazz yeah he put a meme generator on his own website that said go ahead meme me and the first picture is him saying

happy monday you know like this and just, it was a rape fest. Yeah. Like, everything was rape this and roofies that and, you know, and Jell-O pudding and roofies and Jell-O pudding and rape. And a fucking crazy idea. The ones, the examples were my favorite because they were like, look, you could make memes like this. Like, hey, nice hat. And it just shows, like, a Bill Cosby holding his hat. And then you see, like, the ones that the people made the people made it was like hey this hat is your dad's and i'm gonna rape your mom or something like that it went from zero to rape in about eight seconds

well what's interesting is there's the conspiracy is that anybody who's smart enough to construct a website is gonna be like in tune with the internet yeah anybody who's working for him and is making websites that fucking person i don't want to throw this person under the internet. Anybody who's working for him. And is making websites. That fucking person. I don't want to throw this person under the bus. But that person has to know. What the fuck is going to happen. If you're in tune to the internet.

And you put a meme generator up. After the Hannibal Buress video comes out. And after all these people are talking about it. You got to know that they're going to meme some awful dark shit. Yeah this is the internet. People do all kinds of vicious things especially funny things too yeah and funny and vicious the same especially when they get the green light oh yeah if you're a drugging rapist all bets are off right yeah but it's cosby yeah it's cosby it's crazy yeah this is a weird almost epilogue i don't want to say his career is over but it's a weird

he's had such a long career this is a weird thing to be happening at the last minute you know not just the last minute of his career the last minute of his life

and if it was only like dementia and he was doing things recently and you could attribute it to like well there's something wrong with him but then these people are coming out with these stories

that he's been doing this since the 70s yeah and as late as 2004 so after the Cosby show damn damn right what is it man that goes on in a person's brain that makes them completely disconnect from humanity that makes them just be able to fame can get you there can it fame and money do you think that's it that's all it takes no I'm drugging women and raping them no but I think it can help you feel like you're above the law or you're

entitled yeah I think it can but I don't know for sure rich privilege yeah so it is black privilege no yeah I can't say that black gypsy privilege no you can't say that you can't say that. Black gypsy privilege. No, you can't say that. You can't say any of those things you just said. Can't being famous kind of make you go a little crazy, too? Famous definitely can make you go crazy, and famous can definitely make you think that you're different from other people, especially if you get fame when you're young, I think, and then you live all throughout your puberty

and adulthood. Everywhere you go, people are kissing your ass. Your idea of how you interact with people is you will literally you go people are kissing your ass your idea of how you interact with people is you will literally think of yourself as being like royalty or something right can't there be a lot of suppressed anger with someone like bill cosby too i mean he he had to um be a very like friendly black entertainer for like a lot of white audiences even though probably a lot of the venues he was playing they wouldn't even let him in the dressing room and shit like there could be a lot of suppressed anger from someone that had to

go through something like that that's possible but i mean since the 1980s yeah yeah it's like you gotta feel like that's a long time to harbor a grudge yeah but you know 34 35 years of like undeniable success. Yeah. I mean, how many years has he been super successful for? Oh, I'd say since at least the 70s, probably the 60s. Yeah. I mean, and all throughout the 80s when I was a kid, we played that Noah's Ark thing, like Noah and talking to God. We played that when I was a little kid.

Yeah. You know, Noah, what? You know? Yeah, yeah. It's God. Right. that was a great bit man yeah that was a great bit and we played that on a record you know like a fucking album we'd sit there with the headphones on and listen to that yeah that guy just doesn't seem right that that guy was the rapist like that's like The sweaters alone are enough to make you think that's not a rapist.

You know one thing that kind of leans me in that direction, besides all the obvious, is that he's always into people being clean. And always into yelling at comics for using dirty words and suppressing. Do you remember the whole Eddie Murphy thing? Yeah. I called up Richard. Richard said, have a you remember the whole Eddie Murphy thing? Yeah. I called up Richard. Richard said, have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Yeah.

Did the audience laugh? Did you get paid? Tell Bill to have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Yeah. I mean, that was Richard Pryor giving Eddie Murphy advice, which apparently was a real conversation. Next time he calls, tell him I said suck my dick. Yeah, that's right.

You got to think, like, if a comic called you, you know, like, say if, like, Jerry Seinfeld called you up and said, listen, you're very funny, but what you're doing is wrong. You know, you're out there on stage and talking about your dick. Right. Stop doing it. Yeah.

You're making white America look bad. Right. Can you imagine if someone came up to you and was like advising you? I can't imagine. And I think Eddie was like kind of confused now that you're doing this to me. Yeah. He was like, is he right? I don't know if he's right or not.

Let me call Richard. You know? You need to stop swearing. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy back then was a murderer. He was like, is he right? I don't know if he's right or not. Let me call Richard. You need to stop swearing. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy back then was a murderer. So funny. Like during Delirious, when he would go on stage with that fucking leather suit on and shit. Oh my God. So funny, man.

He was like the original arena comic. He was slaying back then. And to get a call from Bill Cosby telling you to stop being dirty. I think there's a little jealousy in there, and I think there's a little bit of, oh, things are changing. I better try to slow them down on Bill's part. Or he had this idea in his head that was just immobile. Yeah. It's like, dirty's bad.

There's so many people that still think that. It's an easy way out. It's like saying rock and roll music is not the way to go. You know, all that drums and heavy bass. Classical music is where it's at. No. No, classical music is just classical music. Dirty comedy is just comedy.

It's just like, there's this kind of comedy, and there's that kind of comedy. There's comedy that's squeaky clean, but hilarious like hedberg right hedberg squeaky clean almost all of his jokes were clean yeah still unbelievably fucking hilarious yeah oh so funny and then there's joey diaz who's never done a clean set ever in his life and he makes me laugh harder than any person that's ever walked the face of the world. I know. It's just comedy, man. Yeah. So if a guy like

Bill Cosby calls you up, he fucks with you like that. Yeah. I don't know. Meanwhile, there's a chick tied to his bed the entire time. Right.

He's talking to Eddie Murphy and you hear in the background, I'll get to you later. Do you be bumping up? Jello pudding. Leo, get off of Rudy. Well, didn't he buy the Little Rascals? He bought the Little Rascals

and stopped it from ever being distributed because it was so racist. That's cool. Didn't Michael Jackson do something like that also? It wasn't Little Rascals, but Michael Jackson did something very similar where he bought... Good Times, right? Was it Good Times?

No, I don't think so. I think you're thinking of the Beatles. Was I? He bought the Beatles music. Yeah, he bought all the Beatles music. You're just completely butchering history. And then he put it in a Nike commercial. Do you remember that?

Okay, Snipes. It might be... Snopes, rather. It says it might not be true. It's false. Oh, rather. It says it might not be true. It's false. Oh, okay. Bill Cosby bought the rights to the Little Rascals or Our Gang comedies in order to keep them off television because they depict racial stereotypes.

False. Spanky, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Darla, just a few of the easily recognizable names that were a fond part of the childhoods of generations of kids. What the fuck? Why aren't they on tv in 1989 the rumor began circulating that entertainer bill cosby had bought up the rights to little rascals blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah uh nothing to do with it of course king world productions has owned and licensed the rights to little rascals for over 30 years this series has been syndicated to television many times and the video rights to some episodes were licensed to cabin fever entertainment in 1997 so bill cosby has over 30 years. The series has been syndicated to television many times and the video rights

to some episodes were licensed to Cabin Fever Entertainment in 1997 so Bill Cosby has never owned any part of the rights to Little Rascals.

Claire! Yeah. So who the fuck owns that shit? Cosby was one of the prominent names who campaigned to pressure CBS

into withdrawing Amos and Andy from syndication back in the 1960s. My mom loved that show. Amos and Andy from syndication back in the 1960s. My mom loved that show. Amos and Andy? Yeah. Did she yell racial epithets at the screen? No, there wasn't a lot of racism in the

house, but two facts. Name the cat Sambo and said she liked Amos and Andy. And even used to do the voice. Where'd you grow up? Boom die, Andy. I grew up in Southern Maryland, but she's from New Jersey. And that was like was like i swear to god these things i'm bringing up make it sound crazy but these are like two isolated incidences that never really added up to much but i remember them because they were so weird and out of place in my household what made you become a comic what

what went wrong uh i don't know i just whenever i was in um school i always like had smart shit to say just popped into my head and i had to say it like smart and i wanted the attention yeah smart ass shit and i i like the attention and it seemed like the easiest way to get attention and it seemed like something i was good at and uh listen i had an instinct not to be a part of the group for some reason i don't know why but it wasn't about my mom liking amos and andy i don't think you're a funny motherfucker matt full thank you joe thank you for coming on here man and uh tell people where they can reach you and where they can buy tickets for this fucking fantastic tour you're embarking on check out the full charge.com and come out to the shows come out to the shows if you live on the west coast Northern California Portland, Oregon

Seattle, Washington I'm making your theme song The full charge The full charge Tonight, Comedy Store Return of me That's it See you soon

A lot of other people on the show too Who's on the show? Full charge We got a bunch of Full charge will be on the show Full charge on the show Full charge Brody Stevens

Enjoy it Eliza Nice breasticles Full charge. We got a bunch of... Full charge will be on the show. Full charge on the show. Full charge. Brody Stevens. Enjoy it. Tony Hinchcliffe. Nice breasticles. A couple of the Kill Tony girls are going to be there. Me. Holla. Holla. A lot of surprises.

All right. We see you, Fox. We love the shit out of you. And I'll be back next week. Lots of cool guests. This thing keeps fucking moving along. Train kept it rolling all night long. Much love.

Big kiss. Mwah!