The Joe Rogan Experience - #58 - Jason "Mayhem" Miller

Episode Date: November 29, 2010

Joe sits down with Jason "Mayhem" Miller.

you you you you you you you This fight and people whoops and people can say all they want about like Sakuraba's old and he's definitely he's definitely old he's definitely but dude you dismantled him yeah that was like the the most the cleanest most like precise performance of your career yeah i think so yeah i was just like all right do this this and this dude and then okay perfect it was perfect it was just perfection yeah that poor guy yeah that's business you know it is business yeah I'm going to get old. Yeah. I'm going to get old. And hopefully he'll slide out before that guy. After Melvin Manhoef, he should have been like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what's up?

He's been beat up, man. Exactly, yeah. Fuck, dude. That's business. It's kind of like a guy I looked up to for so long. Yeah. And one of those things. I feel a big respect to the guy.

And I feel like a lot of my career is due to him. Really? Yeah, definitely. For those who don't follow mixed martial arts, Sakuraba is a famous Japanese guy who was one of the first guys to beat the Gracies, and he fought a bunch of them. He fought Hoist a couple of times. They fought for 90 minutes once. He has a legacy, that guy. Yeah, I mean, that is as legacy as legacy gets.

Yeah. He's a, you know, you list, like, all-time favorites. God damn, Sakuraba's on everybody's list. Some of those fights that he had, fucking, always fought guys way bigger than him. That's what I mean by that is that, yeah, like, exactly the mentality that you would always take into a fight is what I did when I was younger. Yeah. So, like, I mean, you know, like, what I always, like, was, like, thinking that's what, you know like what i always like was like thinking that's what you know it built my what you have to be to be a fighter that's what it built my

value system i'm like yeah you have to do that which kept me you know working hard and mixed martial arts all the way to this point you know like so so i have to they say you want to fight him i'm like yeah i have to fight him right right i respect you know i can't oh no i'm not gonna i'm not gonna fight sagarabia you know like come on i'm gonna fight sagarabia someone's gonna fight him you get win in what other place in life do you get to walk up to your hero and punch his fucking face what where does that happen you're my hero i get to punch your fucking face god damn what a trip that must have been yeah you know what i mean like i was like man you're my hero but i'm gonna try to smash you what is that what is there a moment in your mind

in the fight while you're realizing you're doing this are you so yeah yeah for sure you were realizing yeah because i remember the exact moment that i was like uh i got him in this one move and then i like put it put my hand on his face and i put my hand on his face and punched him and i'm like man i'm punching sakuraba right now wow there's that brief like little blink of a moment and then you went back yeah and then i was like oh gotta be yeah i gotta beat him up i was like all right oh no to me it was like okay i'm a robot like i wrote i wrote for fight magazine before that like i'm a robot or no i think it's on my blog and i wrote i'm a robot in there i just like go in there and like i feel like i'm driving a robot so i'm just doing this

you know like right you know i'm just doing like i'm behind my eyes playing video games right you know i mean like oh i'm playing xbox right now is that the best way to keep emotions out yeah yeah because i fought like messed up my fights before i'm like kill them and then i'm like oh i'm tired right now like what the hell you know you got to get looked out yeah it's more for me at least i know some guys have to get more psyched up you know but for me i just know that i have to like chill myself out so i don't go to bananas so you just fight just yeah just do it like a robot yeah but every once in a while you got to go in into your crazy gene and get retard strength and that's when you're in a bad spot no yeah that's when you just got to get like i gotta like hulk out of this like hulkamania that was what remember

when you were fighting gsp and that's what yeah i know it's famous yeah i know what's his face why am i blanking on his i don't know mark layman mark layman jesus christ i'm blanking on mark layman's name. But Mark Lehman is yelling retard strength. And I was saying, his corner is yelling out retard strength. Wait, you said that on the fucking thing? Yeah, I said that in the air. It became famous.

Oh, it did? It became famous. Yeah, retard strength. Oh, I remember. No, I remember that people are like, they make retard. Because I was like, I wanted everybody to know. I'm like, his corner is calling out for retard strength. I'm like, you need to know this.

That's awesome. Layman is the shit, man. Layman is, he's not only just a really good jiu-jitsu instructor, but he's like a cool dude to talk to. He's a smart guy. Super smart. Very smart. I know, yeah.

Such a smart dude. That's why he's so into jiu-jitsu. He breaks things down. He's a fascinating dude. He's a character. I love that guy. Yeah, He's a fascinating dude. He's a character. I love that guy. Yeah, he's a fascinating dude. Jiu-Jitsu's filled with fascinating people.

A lot of people don't understand. They think of Jiu-Jitsu as being some sort of a meathead thing. Nah, it's art. It's just for people that don't know that. They think that, though. But a lot of the guys that we train with are computer guys or guys who are not that athletic. Back in the day, I felt like jiu-jitsu was this like

exclusive and expensive thing you know what i mean like the like not many people did it but the people who did it were like well educated and right you know because they know about the latest thing right and it was brazilian jiu-jitsu you know so when i remember i would be in there broke as hell you know training and then there would be like lawyers broke as hell, you know, training. And then there would be, like, lawyers and, you know, doctors and chiropractors and whatever, you know. And I'm just, like, some poor kid. Like, I would go to the gyms, you know. It is expensive. That does keep a lot of people out.

You know what I'm saying? Like, ah, it keeps out the riffraff. Yeah, that's a funny way of thinking it, right? Jiu-jitsu is super expensive. Yeah. You know. Well, not anymore. Really?

I'm talking about not anymore. A lot of guys have it like a buck 75 a month 250 a month like i read that all over the place yeah 250 a month dude that's strong money that's strong money if you're making like you know 700 a week which like a lot of people are yeah that's what you bring home if you're doing well you're doing pretty well there and then jiu-jitsu is 250 a month where do you see that where do you wait what what gym are you driving by right now, Joe Rogan? It's not driving by.

I'm reading shit online. I'm looking at how much people charge for Jiu-Jitsu classes. People put their prices up online? I think Henzo's somewhere around there. I think John Jock's over $1.75. Especially when a lot of people use that as an exercise. And I pay like $39 a month for my gym. Man, you go down there.

Bro, you go down there. You're learning something. You go down there. You could talk him down. Yo, you could man you go down there bro you go down there learning you go down there you could talk him down yo you could talk machado down just talk him down just come on he's a cool guy i wouldn't i wouldn't i would he's worth everything and more he's great he's a great but i understand where people are if people are broke i understand no i'm saying if i was a broke motherfucker i would roll up in there and be like, dude, come on, man. Just give me some jujitsu. Just a little bit. Just give me some, bro.

Just give me some. Six weeks out. Don't worry. Come on, man. I'll pay you. That's cute. I don't like this new setup. Look at this.

What's why? Because it's me and Red Band sitting here, man. I know. That's so we can see each other. But now we look like we're in goddamn aliens. We're in the bunker right now. We're in a bunker over here, and Joe Rogan is missile command right now. I'm right here.

I'm touching you. Joe Rogan is like, or, yeah. I'm touching you. I know you're touching me, but I can't even tell we're in the same room right now. Because you shouldn't be paying attention to these electronics. You're just looking at the screen. Look at me, man. No, the screen.

I know, but this is what everyone else sees. No, most people don't see shit. Look, me and him, look. We're in a bunker. Me and Red Band are in a bunker right now. Like, Joe Rogan is somewhere in this house. Joe Rogan is here. I guess people don't sometimes just listen to this thing.

Most people are listening. Oh, my bad. It's a tiny fraction of the people who are actually watching. Man, but what about my screenshot? What about my screenshot? They're like, this guy is loud as fuck oh my what is he talking about yeah yeah they don't even know we have no idea what you're talking about yeah oh well here's the punchline everybody is the computer screen i was talking

about he's looking at the computer screen what the live viewers are saying jason mayhem miller and it looks like taking some big shots since the last time i've seen him. Yeah, I've taken some shots, man. But hey, what's the deal with... What is the most you've ever felt like after a sparring session or after a fight? What's the most you ever felt like, whoa, I just got to settle the fuck down after this one?

What's the most? Which fight was the most? Do you remember? After a fight? Or a sparring session? I don't know. Because you've had some crazy sparring sessions. I had some dumb ones like.

Like Baroni. You and Baroni used to slam it out. Baroni used to damn box it out. Like, man, I'm like, yeah, this is fun. But afterwards, you're like, oh, man, I'm stupid right now. Yeah. There's a lot of guys. I mean, how many guys do you know that did that too much and they're just not there anymore?

I don't know. There's a few guys, right? I know one guy. 42. I know a few guys. Yeah. I'm starting to know guys. Guys that used to be okay and now they're not.

Well, I mean, I don't really know Nick Diaz, but you know what I'm saying? Right. If you don't know. The signs are there. If you don't know, this has been addressed on a previous podcast with Jason Mayhem Miller, but there was a big incident at CBS where Jason got into the cage and asked Jade Shields a question. He got jumped by everybody, and it was nuts.

Nick Diaz was one of the guys that was involved. Did he throw the first punch? Is that what happened? Simultaneously with three other people. It's probably the best picture ever. Me with my hands up like, what's up, guys? So ridiculous. The whole thing is so ridiculous. It's probably the best picture ever. Me with my hands up like, what's up, guys? So ridiculous.

That's the best picture ever taken. It was so unnecessary. It was so unnecessary on so many fronts. And we talked about this the last time, but we should bring it up again. I think it was bullshit that you got in trouble for it. I think I go, he got jumped. He got assaulted. Yes, he shouldn't have been in the cage, but it doesn't mean you should be assaulting him.

And I don't even think it's their fault because it's so many fucking people in the cage that shouldn't have been in there. You can't have that many people in the cage. So who are you blaming right now? I'm blaming Strikeforce for letting you guys get close to each other. They should have been regulating it. They should have watched the cage. I think they were fucked up to jump you for sure. But I think the reason why they jumped you is because you were allowed to get in that cage.

You shouldn't have been allowed to. They should have had it all set up. It should have been like how they would do to the UFC. If you were going to come in and you were going to challenge him after a fight you would wait and then when you know jake was done talking then we'd say all right now i have uh a guy who would really love to sit down and talk to you right now jason mayhem miller and you would come in so it's like respectful they fucked up by just leaving the door open yeah what are you gonna leave the door open dudes get hyped up and like

i want to i want to fuck yeah when you going to leave the door open and dudes get hyped up? And like, I want to, I want to fuck. When you want to do something simultaneous on TV, when you're doing something on TV, so I'm sure you're thinking like, fuck, what am I doing? I'm going to get in. All right, here we go. I'm just going to do this. Should I do it now?

It makes perfect sense. Yeah, exactly. I was like, yeah, let's do this. Like, there's very little filter on my brain. Were you sober at the time? Yeah. Totally sober. Yeah, I was like, but hmm, is this a good idea?

I just fought earlier that night. Right, that's right. I fought earlier that night, so I was already still. Yeah, I was like, but, hmm, is this a good idea? I just fought earlier that night. Right, that's right. I fought earlier that night, so I was already still psyched. I'm like, yeah, okay. Oh, so you're flying high. Yeah, exactly. So I was real pumped. I mean, you know.

Right. I don't know. And then all of a sudden, I'm in a brawl, and I tweet, whoops. So you start up this website, don'tbescaredhomie.com, because nick diaz is uh it's difficult to get a fight with him is that what's going on what's the actual real he's scared i know this is all i know is what i read on the internet tell me what's going on man he says don't be scared homie all the time right that's his he says don't be scared right that's his little tagline. I stole it. It's mine now. That's awesome.

And look, the guy... So you own don'tbescaredhomie.com? Yeah. And that site is all dedicated to you getting a fight with Nick Diaz? Well, you know, to me, I like... Yeah, definitely. You are a nightmare. Do you imagine if you pissed Mayhem off and Mayhem was coming after you? Oh, no.

What a nightmare. He's no. What a nightmare. He's relentless. He's relentless. It's not like you're just calling some random person out. You're calling a guy out who's an MMA fighter who you have an altercation with. He fights so many times, 183. He always fights there. But then when it's me somebody he's talked about like

for years the guys talk about me and without saying my name all these guys these f-bombs with with painted hair these joe rogan words with painted hair you know like he he he's you know he said all these terrible things about you yeah all the all the time. So what is the... When it comes down to signing a contract, what's the problem? His manager comes on and says, oh, yeah, well, if he fights at 178, I'm like, okay, cool. I'll fight Alistair Overeem.

He just has to make 190. That's it. I'll fight him. I'll fucking fight this motherfucker this weekend. I bet you will. At 190, he's got to make 190. Right. Yeah. I think that mic is loose. that's it I'll fight him I'll fucking fight this motherfucker this weekend I bet you will a 190 he's gotta make 190 right

yeah I think that mic is loose can you push that yeah whoa whoa whoa dude dude dude dude ow that hurts my ears

oh sorry bro there we go it's loose a bit here just go this way I got it I got it don't touch me red band

so he wants he's saying that he wants you to get down to 178 which is highly unlikely bro you would be so drained they want to do it in January like yeah there's no way So he's saying that he wants you to get down to 178, which is highly unlikely. Bro. You would be so drained. Especially not.

They want to do it in January. Like, yeah, there's no way. Jason used to fight. He fought in the UFC at 170. And you saw me? I was a goddamn skeleton. God, dude. I was a skeleton.

It was the dumbest thing I ever did. You were so drawn out. Yeah. I was like, why did I do that? Like, I was emaciated. Dude, you and I had a conversation about it where i was yelling at you i was like you can't do this man don't this that shit is too i'm like i'm like this is too much man this ain't good there's there's a lot of guys man that i think

fight better when they don't have to cut weight they just feel better like look how much better bj looked in his last fight and i don't i don't know if that's just the way they match up with him and Matt Hughes. But he just looked like going into the cage. He did not look healthy when he made 155 the last time. He always does. He always looks a little drawn out. He always looks great during the fight time, but he always looks a little drawn out.

That takes something out of you, man. That's a magic that you don't, man, it's hard to do. Like you make sure to, you know, even cutting a little bit of weight is scheduling yourself really well. You know what I mean? And like sucking the water out the right way. Yeah, exactly. Suck the water out the right way and, you know, rehydrate the right way. Do you use IVs?

Yeah. Yeah. You should always use IVs, right? Yeah, of course. Because I hear about some guys don't like to use them. I'm like, God damn, you know. They feel like they're doing something gross or they're sticking a needle in them. You know what I mean?

Yeah, whatever. That's science. Yeah. Put more in there. that's the way to do it if you're gonna do it at all but yeah because i mean you have to drop weight that's the thing like that's that's what do you think about guys like frankie edgar guys that just don't cut any weight at all they just fight it what they fight at now i mean you know that's awesome do you think there's a benefit to that there's got to be a benefit physically right for sure you don't have to cut the weight so you don't have to like damage yourself that bad how much do you damage yourself if you had i don't know man i think sitting in a hot box for a long time will take years off your

life for sure yeah yeah oh thanks he reached in and adjusted the microphone like he was changing the collar on a tiger i pre-plplanned it for like 10 or 15 seconds. I was looking at it like, all right, I'm just going to go in there real quick and do it. I even thought about, hey, Jason, look at that over there and do one of those things. So let me get back to the subject because this is a fascinating subject for me. If you lose weight, say, what do you walk around at, like 210, something like that? Yeah, well, actually less than that 207 now when you get when you get to the point where you're about to cut weight like when you're in training camp when

do you start to dehydrate yourself do you take like just a couple of days three days two well two really and so when you start at two how heavy are you uh i don't know two oh probably 203 two okay 202. so you gotta to lose somewhere between 15, 17 pounds? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. In three days? But I mean,

but I've already reduced my calories at the beginning of the week so that I'm losing some, or like salad, like I'm just, I'm really light and most of my calories are from like, you know,

water calories, you know? Right, right. So I'm like hydrated, then boom, and then drop my weight all the way down there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I know it'll take some time off your life because i'm sitting in the sauna box with the damn plastic suit on doing hoppies right one two three four five six but you think the benefit that gives you yeah yeah is well worth it well i mean both both of us are doing it so you know what i mean like both guys are like bigger anyway bigger anyway. Isn't that crazy, though? Yeah.

Well, what the hell? You, every little, every competitive edge. I know, but I mean, if you're both trying to find. If you're both doing it, is it a competitive edge? Yeah. I mean, it would be better if you could just shake hands. You could shake hands and both don't do it. Yeah, just say, listen, man. You weigh what you weigh.

Don't get crazy. Everybody's nervous. Whatever. I know, it's a funny thing, though, isn't Whatever. It has to be like that. I wish we could just shake hands like, yo, let's just do it like this weekend, bro. No cutting weight. Come on. Let's just step off our bar stools right now.

The cutting weight thing, I think it's a very unfortunate situation where guys are stuck. You're not fucking doing it, bro. It's a fucking headache. It's the only part of my job that I'm like, this is bullshit. I'm sure. It's the only part of my job like, man, I wish I could just go,

hey, dude, let's keep it real right now. No big deal. The fights would be better too, right? Maybe. Everybody would have more energy. But that was the question. What percentage do you think it takes away from you? Say if you're at 100% at 210,

like this right now. I don't know, man. I want to say 100 say 100 i'm back i want to say that yeah i want to say you want to say that when you rehydrate you get back to 100 i think so i think 24 i've had it where all like i'm like yeah 24 hours down to a science yeah yeah when i'm 24 hours most of i've fucked up before for sure like i've had bad equipment and that kind of thing. Fucking in Chicago we didn't have a damn dry sauna. Oh, really? Yeah, no dry sauna. It's, you know, fucking sucks.

So what do you do then? Do you turn the heat on or something? Oh, my God. We're in there anyway trying to sweat the weight out. And it took forever. And I was fucking dying. And I had to go 5-5, 25. But, you know, 5 by 25, you know.

But, damn. What do you call it? It's just like part of the game you know so what right don't cry about it you chose this life right so you just figure out another way to cut what do you do if you don't have a sauna so you have to cut how many pounds of water are you trying to cut by the last day uh 10 ish 10 yeah so well 10, yeah. Well, maybe like... I've tried to make it like 9-ish, but I've cut weight perfect before, but sometimes it'll be 10 or 11. So how do you do that if you don't have a sauna?

Has anyone tried to trick you by eating like saltines? We did it, bro. I did it before that fight. Yeah, but you said you didn't have a sauna, right? Yeah, we didn't have a sauna, yeah we didn't have a sauna but i did it what'd you do it was a steam room it was a steam room oh so you did it in a steamer yeah wow yeah so we didn't have the same thing right you sweat it out right i is it the same it's not really it's not the same moisture on you yeah so it off so it takes longer die but you know whatever

i just worked that just mean i had a bike harder and stuff like that i had to like sweat myself out worse you know so you think that after the ivs and everything like that your your performance is at 100 of your capacity or close enough do it right if you do it right if you fuck up i mean that's just how it is there's a fucking science this yeah of course i mean but you know and my man like my coach knows how much i sweat like he's like oh we got it timed out about right like oh he's got to do this. Right. You know what I mean? We time it.

Because everybody is different, right? Yeah, for sure. And a good coach has to recognize that and be working with a bunch of different guys to see a bunch of different variables. Yeah, different sweat. There's some dudes who can't really cut that much weight. They get to a certain point, their body just doesn't work anymore. Yeah.

And some dudes can do it. Some dudes can do superhuman amounts. Yeah. You know, like Tiago Alves, like Gleason Tebow. What the fuck, anymore. Yeah. And some dudes can do it. Some dudes can do superhuman amounts. Yeah. You know, like Tiago Alves, like Gleason Tebow. What the fuck, dude? Yeah. Gleason Tebow fights at 155

and the dude is huge. He's gigantic. When he gets in the cage, he's got these bodybuilder arms and back and shit. And you're like, this motherfucker weighs 155? He looks like he's easily 185.

He looks like he's 30 pounds heavier. I mean, I don't know what he actually weighs when he gets in the cage. They do that with boxing. They make the guys weigh in the day of. I don't think they want to see those numbers in the UFC. I know. They're so different. I don't think they want to see no 30s.

Yeah, right. You might see a 30 with Thiago Alves. You would, yeah. You might see a 30. You might see a 200, 200-pound welterweight. Holy shit, dude. That's a lot of goddamn weight to lose. I don't know how these guys do it.

They all have different methods, and every camp has their own dude who's the master at that shit. What camp is the best at cutting weight? There's some camps that are just known for cutting tremendous amounts of weight, like ATT. They're known. They cut a lot of weight. They're known for doing it. They cut a lot of weight. American Top Team. They're known for doing it. They cut a lot of weight.

I don't know. Do they have a guy? How does that work? Do they have one guy who's the master trainer and master weight cut strategist? I don't know. How do you guys do it? I guess they're, yeah. Does Ryan?

Yeah, Ryan Parsons. Yeah, he, more so you need somebody who can, because you kind of know yourself. So, moreover, you need somebody to, like, know exactly when to do it, like be your coach, you know what I mean, through it. And Ryan, he knows how to do it. You guys have such an interesting relationship. Now, for people who don't know, Ryan Parsons, he's been around for many, many years,

coached some of the you know great guys in the business spent a lot of time with Dan Henderson and and Randy Couture and he's a he's a brilliant guy a very very brilliant guy and he's a manager and trainer to you and just a couple other fighters you and King Mo and uh this new guy what's his name Pat yeah Pat yeah what's his name Durkin and just a few he works with just a few guys you guys have like this incredibly tight relationship man that's a trip you know good guy great guy yeah great guy and but the whole setup the way you guys have it you know like this one guy running around training and managing this fucking select group of killers and guiding them yeah it's an interesting situation it is it's great it's like

you know we uh tight tight-knit group and we all train hard and whatever you know it's like uh we don't need to open the floodgates and right right right yeah yeah individualized attention is definitely better right yeah yeah definitely definitely and a core tight group that you can totally completely count on yeah and yo that's the team you know we're a team but we're not like hey everybody come hang out with us and right right we're like we're a tight knit team yeah for people who don't know like you're you're such a wild dude you're always crazy and yelling and shit but you're very disciplined you know and that's what people probably either wouldn't expect or don't understand you're very disciplined like even though you're wild hard man you don't show up for fights out of shape you know i mean maybe there's one or two times in your

whole career where you haven't taken someone as seriously as you should have it's true but you're pretty goddamn disciplined yeah i yeah i am i'm a dork i like i want to play video games right but look how much time you spend training yeah very fucking no but what I'm saying is you go train and then you play video games. And then you train and then that's like, yeah, I'm going to play video games after this. That's your reward? Yeah, that's my reward or whatever. I don't know. I like to read and write stuff.

It's easier to live that way. So going back to this Nick Diaz thing. So you've been trying so hard to get this fight. And what are they saying? They're just saying no. The only way to do it is if you'll fight they saying? They're just saying no. They're saying no. They're saying no. That's saying no.

That's saying no. 178 is saying no. But he's fought 183 plenty of times. And then it's just to be... He fought Scott Smith. He fought Frank Shamrock. Who else did he fight that way? I don't know. Guys that he could beat up. But he can't beat me up.

This is a fucking very important fight for you, huh? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm angry about the whole thing. I'm like, I need this. Right. Like, I'm going to beat you up. Right.

You shouldn't have jumped me. I'm a nice guy. He bullied me. He bullied me. Right. He bullied me. You need to beat him down. Yeah, bully beat down.

That's right. Oh, yeah. Thursday's at 1030. Thursday's at 1030.. Oh, yeah. I thought Thursdays at 1030. Thursdays at 1030. I need a Thursdays at 1030. On MTV. On MTV. There's a clip from season three, which is fantastic that you should watch.

What? The clip? The one you beat up the dude. Where you got in there? You got in the ring. Oh, wait. Tweet it at me, bro. Why don't you tweet me, bro?

I did. I tweeted it today. Did you tweet it today? Yeah. I'm looking back through Red Band. And if you didn't tweet it today, I'm going to get so bummed right now. I tweeted it today. Actually, somebody tweeted it to me and I retweeted it.

Oh, so you just gave me a retweet. Listen, man. That's just as good as it is. I don't know, bro. If it doesn't have your name on it, I feel a little fucking hurt. It does have your name on it. All right. See, look.

I'll show it to you right here. No, it doesn't have your name on it. Joe Rogan i'll show it to you right here uh doesn't have your name joe rogan red band have you seen maya miller beat down this bully huge slams and grappling ground effortless submissions yo actually yo bro i put i put the guy on a philatene like phil barone used to have this i don't know if he still does it i hope he still does it if he still does it he I hope he still does it. If he still does it, he's going to break someone's neck. He does a front headlock choke, but you keep your belly on top of his head so you can lift him off the ground with his neck. Scott Jorgensen did that in the WEC.

He philatined somebody? It's like a front choke. Lin-Manuel does it too, right? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Man. He just jiu-jitsu dorked everybody. I just realized i jiu-jitsu nerded everybody right now my bad me and you like

sorry everybody that wasn't very uh you guys don't get that joke it's a technique yeah we were totally indescriptive yeah we were you get a guy and you get your hands locked under his chin and then you place your body your belly over the top of the back of his head. And as you lift him up, his neck is basically trapped against your chest cavity. So he kind of flies. Yeah, you hoist him up in the air by his fucking neck. It's gnarly, and it's very hard to stop. If a strong wrestler gets that shit locked up.

It's like doing a backwards row. Yeah. You just go like this. It's nasty. It's nasty. a backwards row. You just go like this. It's nasty. Oh, man. I'm sorry. Vicious choke. Eric. Last time he was Chris, right?

He was Chris. And you called him Chris, and then he was Chris on the message board for weeks afterwards. People just kept fucking torturing him, calling him Chris. I'm Chris. I'm Eric.ris america i'm christy let's play nice nice mr miller so when when you do that show i mean without giving away too much of how the show is done what do you mean that episode was amazing oh yeah that one again and I'll tweet it back at you. And we'll fucking do a double tweet back right now. I mean, I had never been so happy.

That was like one of the most happiest episodes ever. This is the question. How much is that coached? Is that kid just being a douchey? That's his douchey self? Is that real? Dude. It's totally real.

Nobody tells him, listen, let's ham it up for the camera. We could go, we're beating up mentally disabled people. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. Oh, man. No, I don't know. These guys are just, you know. They're just super cocky.

They're knuckleheads, yeah. They're knuckleheads. Everybody has a knucklehead on the block, man. Watch this show. So this kid who got in there with you this kid has no martial arts experience the best part about the whole thing is that the guy called me out too and i was like man what a coincidence i was like hey buddy what a coincidence like you like and you're next bro and i'm like i'm next i'm like yeah i am next because there's nobody in front of me because

you know he doesn't know he doesn't know that it's me and i like busted out man it's a great episode it's like i watched it oh you did out. Man, it's a great episode. It's like a feel. I watched it. Oh, you did? Yeah. Yeah, I watched it, dude. Whatever. It was like a tiger in a mouse. You beat the fuck out of that kid. You manhandled him.

But what people don't know is you were being very nice. Yeah, yeah. No, I was being surgical. Surgical. I was like being surgical. Like I was like, all right, here he comes.

I'm going to just get him. Even when you punched and kicked him, I could see you weren't kicking him that hard. I just go give him one good one. One good one. That was it. I knew I could knock. You're not going to hurt him real bad

if you just kick his leg. Right. Oh, my leg. And by the end of it, he was like, okay, I'm over this. And you hit him with a body kick because that would stop him? Yeah.

The first thing I did, yeah, I hit him with a body kick. I just let him come and kicked him with a body kick. Yeah, and you didn't even hit him that hard. No, no. It was with the shin pads on too. I'm like come on dude i'm like really it's kind of crazy though that that you could ever get in a situation where a kid who's just some punk bully kid could ever

get into a situation where he's on television and he's fighting well welcome to america what a fucking who sanctions this shit? Who says this is okay? Is it because it's a sparring session? Is that what it is? Yeah, we're in sparring gear. Because you easily could have been the Strikeforce champion. If you had ten more seconds in that round when you had to chase back...

I say three. Really? You think you haven't? Yeah, I had it. You had it dark. He was turning purple, the whole deal. I mean, it's okay. You could have potentially been a world champion,

and you're allowed to just get in there and beat the fuck out of some kid who's never really sparred, never really fought before, never competed. It was beautiful. Well, poor fuck. That kid. That kid, he might just turn into a gay hooker now. He might just, you know what I'm saying? I mean, when somebody just smashes you.

I think you'd be the hottest. He might have so little self-esteem. He might just start, just give up on life. Ah, come on. We're in America, bro. That shit would devastate you, dude. I saw you on Doctor Who. You're a young man.

You think you're the shit. Sorry. You're a young man. You think you're the shit. And you're an asshole. And you're an asshole. Then on television and these guys. He's really an asshole to those guys?

That wasn't bullshit? If this guy grows from it, well, there you go. I'm doing a service. If he grows from it. Yeah, if he grows from it. He seems like it did, too. Yeah, it's like it grows or it's going to kill you. You get two options.

Wait, are you trying to say that one of my contestants is going to go jump off a bridge because he got beat up on MTV's Bully Beatdown? I think a lot of douchebags are in utter pain, and that's why they're douchebags. Of course. Any big, huge, devastating thing like this could go one or two ways. They could either learn from it and grow from it and realize they were being a shithead, or they just become devastated. Oh, my God. You just hit the rocks like this.

You're making me depressed about my job, Joe Rogan. You just hit the rocks like this. You're making me depressed about my job, Joe Rogan. You just hit the rocks like this. Boom. That's just life. What? You think they're going to jump off into a harbor of some sort? No. I think they're in a boat, a speed boat, and they're headed towards the cliff.

They don't even bother slowing down. You know what I think is going to happen? I think is that kick guy is going to go and beat the fuck out of those two guys that put on the show now. I think he's going to be a super bully now, and he he's gonna hate them even more and fucking steal money and then i'll fight him in a cage to the death whoa with a tire iron and a trash can lid as a shield wow so you thought this out so tell would you have like one of those leather straps inside the trash yeah are you kidding me why the hell not like you don't want to hold the trash can handle right you would want to customize that

cover it around yeah actually maybe we could do like pipes like pipes like that look cool you know like isn't it crazy that just a thousand years ago that's how they were rocking bro they had a shield and a sword and that's how you took over a town yeah fucking a man could you imagine i'm just trying to think what a thousand years just trying to yeah just trying to mind your own business just chilling hanging out with your wife and kids and you see over the horizon a group of Imagine if you lived in some town just trying to mind your own business, just chilling, hanging out with your wife and kids, and you see over the horizon a group of men with swords and shields. You're like, these motherfuckers.

And they're just going to come, and everybody they don't know, they're going to fuck or kill. What is it going to be? Fuck or kill. Fuck or kill. Fuck or kill. Fuck or kill. Fuck then kill.

Kill then fuck. That's the whole deal. I think it sucks no matter who's coming over the hill trying to fuck or kill fuck or kill fuck then kill kill then fuck that's the whole deal i think it sucks no matter who's coming over the hill trying to fuck or kill you it's amazing that people didn't just kill i mean i think there would be what back then if people talk about and then get out of here medieval days when people are hacking each other with swords it's amazing people didn't say i'm just gonna jump off a fucking cliff life sucks this is ridiculous everywhere we go he's talking about barbarians coming over the hills with axes and shit. They probably like it back when they were used to it.

That doesn't happen all the time. That would happen some one side of every 16 weeks. You wouldn't like... You just fucking leave. You just leave? Yeah, you just leave. You're like, whatever. All those fucking guys that Genghis Khan killed, they're just lazy.

Yeah. They're just laying around. They should have got out of there. That's business, bro. Everybody's going to die. I'd rather get hacked up by barbarians than fucking go out the way I'm probably going to go out. Shit. Whoa, wait a minute.

How are you planning on going out? How are you planning on going out that's worse than getting hacked up by barbarians? Did you talk to Dr. Phil about this when you were on the show? Yeah. Whatever, bro. That would be more fun. On worst ways to die? that's right up there no way bro you just be like oh shit and then dead maybe not maybe they gut you maybe they hang you

i'm saying but i would fight the guy for sure they would have to fucking kill me okay i'm fighting them back sure i hear you right you wouldn't fight a bad couple of them you might get a couple no i you know the sword it doesn't know what you can do fuck it i'll double leg the dude and then fucking steal a sword right off his fucking back of his horse man i already thought about this tackle the dude off of his horse then fucking grab his sword and just take out as many i can hopefully it'll be a jackie chan scene yeah but if not fuck it whatever i'll just go out fucking arm it's oh you hacked my arm off fuck would you have a different strategy if a dude had a double-edged sword or a single-edged sword? Yeah.

You would look at him. You would say, the single-edged sword, this guy fucked up. I would try to make an assessment as much as possible. But if they're just coming, they're coming. Oh, man. I hit your microphone. Man, this fucking bunker is falling apart, bro. Here, let me fix it real quick.

Patch this place up, man. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Yeah, there is, obviously. I think you just keep hitting it. All right, there. Nah, man. Oh, hello? Hi.

Anyway. What the hell are we talking about, barbarians? Let's get into something different. Because now I'm talking about. What a strange conversation that is that dudes always have. If a guy was coming at you with a sword. Yeah, I know. We're totally duding out right now.

Yo, bro, you know what? A bear could fucking definitely kill a walrus so quick those are the best though when there's instructionals online where dudes are defending against swords yeah what do you mean i've seen it well you know you sometimes you got to worry about that when i was a kid i was like always reading those karate magazines like well why would you have to fight a dude with the knife i'm like damn that sucks and if he i figured the guy already knows if you're getting stabbed, the dude's just going to stab you anyway, right?

Right. What? You know what I mean? Like, if he has to, he's not going to show you. That would be the best way to get stabbed. And no one's going to come at you like for the karate shot. Well, maybe if they want to threaten you, they want to show it to you before they stick But you know that now you have to jump and do the disarm?

Yeah. Most people will stab you. They don't even want you to know they're going to stab you. Right. They try to sneak in on you. Like, ding, ding, dong. Like, what? That was racist, bro.

A little racist, bro. Red band, what? Isn't that amazing that just saying noises like that could be racist? If you said that, would you say ping, ping, chong? No, I just said ding, dong. No, you said ching, chong, bro. You sounded like an Asian person from a 1950s movie. I know I would never offend Asians around man.

You know what's the craziest thing? In the back of the day, man, those black and white movies, they used to have, what was that fucking, there was one television show that they used to do or a movie series they used to do about a Chinese detective. And they had a white guy playing the Chinese detective. Is this Jeopardy?

I don't know, man. You're like, it's an old-ass show. I'm sure someone on Twitter will know what it is. It was an old-ass show. What was it again? It was a white dude,

but he played this Chinese detective. Oh, really? This wise old Asian detective. But it was a white dude who played it, and they had him in all this goofy, it was goofy-ass makeup, because it's like 1930 and shit.

Oh, that? Yeah. And so they had this dude. Well, you know what? I can understand that. Back then, nobody knew Asian people. You couldn't get a good Chinese actor in that. And they didn't want to give the job to that.

Charlie Chan, thank you. How did I not remember that? How did you not remember that? I almost had that without even knowing what the fuck you were talking about i think i blocked charlie out of my my mind because of jackie oh i think i say because of vietnam jackie chan no vietnam you know the word charlie what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm so crazy. I was like, how did Joe Rogan not get that? Charlie Chan. He never watched army movies, bro.

He never played Call of Duty Black Ops. He hasn't. I've been trying to get him to play that. But Bruce Buffer, when I was at the airport, Bruce Buffer was playing Call of Duty while I was waiting for his plane. We were in England. He used to line Jack's dudes with his laptop. Really?

That's awesome. Yeah, he was sitting there with his fucking, he was getting like diamonds on and shit and his, you know, his silver distinguished hair. And he's sitting there on his MacBook playing Call of Duty Jack of Dudes. How could he do it

with his mouse pad though? That seems so hard. He just does it. I don't know. I don't know. He's moving his fingers around. It does seem pretty hard. Yeah, that ain't the way

to write it. I'll try that though. Whatever. Well, I mean, he seemed to be doing it, you know? Yeah, I got it in 3D, Jay. Have you played in 3D yet?

What? Oh, yeah. And you can look down the sniper thing, and it looks like it's just this huge sniper tunnel. No way. It's so cool. And this is because you have the 3D TV, too, right? I have that, too, bro.

I know. Bump it. Both of you have 3D TVs. We're nerds. Innovators, motherfucker. You are a nerd. That's what a lot of people don't know, man. You're a big-D TV. We're nerds. Innovators, motherfucker. You are a nerd. That's what a lot of people don't know, man. You're a big time computer nerd.

I like computers. Who doesn't? They're fucking amazing. I like this information in a box. It's something more than that, man. It's everything. It's people. The whole fucking universe is connecting through these things.

We're going to eventually share one giant consciousness. It's all going to be connected through electronics. Yeah, huh. That's what it is. Yeah, right. It's just happening nice and slowly. Nice and slowly, it's inevitable. It's going in that direction for sure.

All this WikiLeaks shit, what this WikiLeaks shit represents is a new ethic. What's going on is that there's going to be no more secrets anymore. You can't have them anymore. The exchange of information between people is going to be no more secrets anymore. You can't have them anymore. The exchange of information between people is going to be, at one point, it's going to be instantaneous, and it's going to be all-encompassing. We're going to have everything I know about you and everything you know about me,

we're going to know everything about each other. It's just inevitable. You're telling me you're going to plug a chip into my brain? We're going to blend into one thing. I'm telling you, this is without a doubt where we're headed there's no question you're talking everything accelerates well obviously look if something crazy happens like an asteroid or a tsunami we're fucking each other up for sure yo i was talking to my manager the other day my business manager matt who's a great guy and he's

not a conspiracy theorist he's a real level-headed dude and uh he lives in uh i don't want to say where he lives but i said do you ever think about living near the ocean you ever think about getting like a place like on the water that may kind of dope and he goes yeah but i think about tsunamis and i'm like wow yeah you should think about tsunamis fuck we all should think about tsunamis right at any point in time the earth could just decide to move a little bit and a mile high wall of water heads towards los angeles like that shit's real man that could happen absolutely or we get hit by an asteroid something falls into the ocean and a mile high wall of water heads towards los angeles and it's

not could you fucking imagine could you imagine it's part of the charm of the city yeah you're gonna die at any time the charm of the city. Yeah. You're going to die at any time. It might be the only charm. Every time I'm in a parking garage in Los Angeles, I'm like, oh, this might be the time. Is that why you live in the fucking top of a goddamn mountain? Is that what you're getting at? That's why. Yeah, absolutely.

You live on a – I have to drive all the way up a mountain because you're worried – You're lucky I don't live in Colorado, bro. We'd only be seeing each other when I come to L.A. If it wasn't for my wife getting pregnant, I'd still be in Colorado. You're worried about the wall of water? Dude, about everything i'm a freaking freak i worry about meteor impacts i worry about the shifting of the polar ice caps i worry about pollution bro you should go about war you should go downhill mountain biking that's gonna fix everything no i think it needs to go skiing nah bro well i would except i watched a detailed report on tv where a lady who was

downhill mountain biking got attacked by a fucking mountain lion who ate her head nice pulled her don't you want to die like a cool way her friend was wrong with beating the mountain lion with a stick as it was dragging her screaming bleeding friend with her face torn off into the bushes and he's beating it with a stick so what's the i saw that lady on tv man and i'm like i don't think i'll be mountain biking that shit didn't happen to you but it could have shit so that didn't happen to you that's yeah that's hilarious yeah who cares yeah you should go you should do something outside your comfort zone bro you think yeah yeah for sure skiing or something but i'm not comfortable with anything that's something oh you're not water boat what do I need to do that's outside my comfort zone

tell me bro I just feel like don't be scared of life bro no listen I'm half fucking around you're making me nervous but you know my dog was eaten by a mountain lion and I saw the mountain lion wait so you think there's some mountain lion

out to get him you know what I'm saying Wait, so you think there's some mountain lion with a, like, out for you? Out to get them? You understand what I'm saying, right? No, I'm saying I have personal experience with them. I know that they're dangerous as fuck. If you're going to go mountain biking around here, you're going to run into mountain lions. You can. It's possible. Whatever.

Percentage-wise, you'd probably be okay. I would fight them for a minute. Oh, you'd be fine. You's possible. Whatever. Percentage-wise, you'd probably be okay. I would fight him for a minute. Oh, you'd be fine. You know what to do. But a girl on a fucking bike. Very rare. Very rare. They don't fuck with men.

They have killed women. They killed a 19-year-old girl last year in Canada. Singer. She has a recording contract. It's because of the period blood. She's hot shit. He wasn't even trying to be funny that's that's because he's got an animal mind may have an animal mind just thinking about it he's just thinking about it that's what i would smell i'd smell her period blood yeah for sure be smelling that shit i think i'm gonna eat this

i get all my girlfriends bro yeah man getting killed by wolves is pretty rare, too. We've talked about that recently on the podcast. I didn't know that wolves have killed people as recently as this year. Yeah. I'm thinking if you're a food source and you're in their little sector by yourself, oh, you're fucked up. Isn't it weird, though, that we have this weird thing with wolves where it used to be everyone was aware that wolves were really dangerous. Yeah, came with backwards now huh we went backwards like because wolves are

we we dumbed down the wolf we media but fuck them up so hardcore that we feel bad that we fucked them up but the reason we fucked them up is because wolves were eating babies and shit yeah they were eating people yeah you know wolves have eaten people before there was a kid in 2005 that got eaten by a wolf and there's in 2005 that got eaten by a wolf, and there's this woman that got killed by a wolf this year. They fucking kill people. Wait, so I take it you don't go camping or anything. Dude, I've been camping once, and a bear attacked our cooler,

walked all over our car, tore our cooler to shreds. Bro, maybe it's your destiny to get eaten by an animal. You should just fucking do it, bro. Should I go with it? Yeah, bro. Or we should unsubscribe to Discovery. Yeah, I'd be the first dude to die by ostrich bite. Bro, you made me think...

You just need to turn off the Discovery channel at your house. That would be embarrassing, man, for all my friends. How did he die? Fucking ostrich kicked his ass and ate him.

Right? Like, fuck, he was covered in feathers, bro. Look at Steve Irwin. Meanwhile, ostriches, if they kick you, you're fucked. Oh, of course.

Your guts will fall out of you. They have giant, powerful legs. Man, you watch way too much documentary. I know. He needs to get rid of Discovery Channel and then we're documentary. I just got a whole new box set from the BBC with the condo documentary. Can I get your leftovers every once in a while? Can I?

I'll turn you on to some shit. Yes. No, I don't mean to turn me on. I don't want to buy it myself. Just let me borrow some DVDs. Okay, I'll give you some DVDs. I got some shit for you to look at. I got some interesting stuff. You should switch to cartoons for a year or two. I can't mean to turn me on. I don't want to buy it myself. Just let me borrow some DVDs. Okay, I'll give you some DVDs. I got some shit for you to look at. I got some interesting stuff.

You should switch to cartoons for a year or two. I can't do it, dude. I can't do it. You know, this is what I do. Okay, I'll go through my DVR. I'll watch HDNet fights. I'll watch that Anthony Bourdain No Reservation show. I see if there's any boxing matches that I missed,

and then I just go straight to all the space shows. It's all the universe, or it's all some crazy shit on the science channel. That's the only thing that's interesting to me. I can't watch shows like a drama or a sitcom. I can't do it. I just can't do it. I'll watch it for five minutes, and I'll just go, oh.

Every now and then, like Breaking Bad, I'll watch a cool drama. Those are fun. When I was getting tattooed, I was watching Breaking Bad. I watched, like, a bunch of it. I watched, like, two seasons of it. It's pretty awesome. I watched Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Is that good? Yeah.

That's a funny show. What's that? What network is that on? It's probably one of the best shows ever, man. Really? I think so, man. What network is that on? It's so well-written.

FX. It's, like, man, it's a great, man. Really? It's damn well-written. I think it's FX. This last, this, like, you. What? It is FX. What? FX, FX, yeah's a great, man. It's damn well-written. I think it's FX. This last, this, like, you, what? It is FX, right? FX, FX, yeah.

It's on FX. I think it's the same night as my show. Really? Damn, you're fucking pumping up a competitor. I know, no, I know. But I watch it, it's like, it's like my show's on, and then you can change the channel, and there's your, and we live in TiVo land. Yeah, you know, that is so true.

You're really not competing with anything. We're not competing with anything. Just save this. The only time I watch things as they're happening is fights. Yeah, me too. If you need to know that it's happening. I mean, that's just how life is. But Oysund is really good, man.

They have so many great characters and stuff. It's well-written. Did you watch the Manny Pacquiao fight? Man, yeah. Man, with my dad and a hunting trip. Dude. It was awesome. I could sit out there in the country watching Manny Pacquiao.

My dad, like, screaming and yelling for the wrong guy. I'm like, what? Man, that's not even Pacquiao. I got Slingbox. I watched it on my laptop in London.

Oh, yeah. I was watching it. That was gory. Damn, that motherfucker's good. Yeah. I wonder, though, with his style, though, you know,

I wonder if he could fuck with Floyd Mayweather. No, I know. That's what everybody wants to see. I still don't know. I still don't know if you look at the way floyd mayweather the way he just handled man manuel marquez yeah you know yeah one man one manuel marquez style style wise though i think style wise that that matches up pretty good like i think man he matches up pretty good i think that

yeah marquez couldn't do shit to floyd though. And Marquez and Mayweather went to war. They went to war twice. Yeah, I know. Dude, Floyd just shut all that shit down. But Pacquiao's fast. Pacquiao is pretty good. He's fast, and he moves well, takes a good shot. And, you know, Mayweather got rocked real bad by Mosley.

And, like, that kind of showed that, oh, okay, you can get touched, too. You know what I mean? Yeah, he got tagged. Yeah, he got tagged real good. That one punch really kind of fucked it up for Mosley because he stopped boxing and started bombing. Yeah. He lost his rhythm.

He got angry. Yeah, he lost his rhythm. Yeah. That was a tough fight for him anyway. That dude is... It's amazing that when you see boxers, it's so strange that boxers can compete at that high a level when they're like 40. Yeah. He's like 39, right? Isn't he? Yeah, it's so strange that boxers can compete at that high a level when they're like 40. He's like 39, right?

Yeah, it's business. Some guys can keep going, and some guys it just all falls apart. It's interesting. Look at Hopkins. He's so technical. 40-fucking-5, 46 years old, still fighting. That's incredible, man. Yeah, it is.

Undoubtedly, man. At the end of the day, that's what's the most important in every combat sport. It's technique. All that ferocity and everything is so important. You have to have it. You have to have strength. You have to have endurance. You have to have fighter spirit. But what's most important is technique.

All that other shit, you can have too. All that other shit has to be processed through technique, though. And guys that just rely on one thing, that just rely on their aggressiveness or rely on their athleticism like how many times have you watched guys fight like in you know mma on tv and you see like a guy that's like super hyper aggressive but yet he's got all these holes in his stand up and he's dropping his hands goofy and he's not turning his kicks over but he's just super aggressive and that's how he's winning he's beating guys by just being and you're like this guy's just like eventually he's going to run into a guy that's how he's winning. He's beating guys by just being... And you're like, this guy's just like... Eventually, he's going to run into a guy that's as tough as him

but is technical and then he's fucked. Yeah, of course. That always happens. It's just the style. I was like, this guy's got smarter technique. You know what I mean?

That's like the big battle, isn't it? Isn't it? You know? Isn't it? Yeah. Man, the life of a martial artist,

a professional mixed martial artist, that has got to be a trippy way to fucking pay your bills, son. Isn't it? I know. There's been moments where I've stood across the ring from someone, and I'm like, I'm about to fight another grown man on national television. I'm like, this is my life right now.

Do you try to squash those thoughts, or you just go, well, it is what it is? No, what do you mean? I just go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm about to fight somebody on tv so you laugh so you think it's in my head yeah i'm like it's so weird like whatever you know you just take a different path in your life you're like oh this is what i'm doing you know it's i don't know it's very strange it's very different but but i mean you know it's just my job like i just like this is what i'm good to do it's a crazy ass way to make a living son yep that's a crazy ass way it's business it's a fascinating don't cry for me bro what are you

talking about i'm not crying we're just talking i know that's what i mean i mean look my life is to other people would be horrific you know getting on stage and doing comedy or i never even realized that that is like people a lot of people's number one fear. And I'm like, what? Why? Just stand there. You don't want to be judged. Have you done it lately? Me?

Yeah. No, I mean, Ella's show and, you know. There's a new place you need to check. They want me to do a show on the 16th. On what? Huh? A show on the 16th? Yeah.

Of what, December? Yeah. Should I do it? Joe Rogan? A comedy show? Yeah.? Yeah. Of what, December? Yeah. Should I do it? Joe Rogan? A comedy show? Yeah. Hell yeah. You could totally do it.

All right. What do I talk about, though? Anything. Write a bunch of shit down. All right, I'll just write some shit. The 16th, what's today's date? Talk about the blood on your stool. Today is the 29th.

It's December 16th. Oh, so you've got like, how many days are in November? November 30? Yeah. 30? So I've got that long to do it. All right, I can do it. 17 days, man. I'll say some funny shit. Yeah, you know what? that long to do it. I could do it. 17 days, man.

I'll say some funny shit. Yeah, you know what? How much time do you have to go up for? I don't know. I'll figure it out. This is keywords I want you to use. Period blood. Those two words.

Yeah. Use those and coyotes. That was a zinger, right? Period blood. No. I'm going to steal that shit. No, it's good. I'm going to use it from the...

All right. You guys are seeing. If I go up on the 16th at the improv in Hollywood. This should be the punchline. Period blood. Period blood. That would just be the punchline.

I guess girls would think about that shit if they got in the water, too. That sharks would bite their pussy. Right? My God, could you fucking imagine the thought... That's how you dye your hair color. The shark is going for your pussy because he smells your period. Whoa.

Someone must have died like that somewhere along the line. Some girl must have gotten her pussy eaten out by a shark. She must have. You're right. It must have happened. With all the people that have been killed by sharks for all the hundreds of thousands of years people have been on this planet. Undoubtedly. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. Dude, you can't get me in that fucking water. That water can suck my dick. What's wrong with you, dude? Some kid just got bitten in half in San Bernardino. Time the fuck out. Not San Bernardino. Santa Barbara.

What's wrong with you, bro? Why are you so scared of the entire world? I'm not scared. I'm fascinated. I'm fascinated. You're scared, though. But I'm not. I just don't think that getting eaten by a shark is worth the thrill of surfing.

Bullshit, bro. You've never surfed before. Fuck that. I don't need to, son. You don't think that getting eaten by a shark is worth the thrill of surfing bullshit bro you've never surfed before that i don't need to son you don't want to go mountain biking because the fucking mountain lions will eat you no no you don't want to go surfing because the fucking sharks will eat you breaking it down exactly okay yes you don't what what the fuck those are monsters and i try to avoid monsters in my everyday life. You don't want to go roller skating for water. Especially monsters in the water, man. At least a mountain lion, you might be able to fucking get him in a guillotine.

You know what I'm saying? A mountain lion might fuck up. No, you can't. Dude. A mountain lion might fuck up. You might get on top. You might sprawl. You know what I'm saying?

You might take his back. So now you're fucking... You might take that mountain lion's back. Wait, now you're head shucking a mountain lion? That's what you're going to do? You're going to swing them down to the ground? You're darthing a mountain lion. That's what you're doing.

I'll darse the fuck out of him and his stupid, fucking, dirty, stinky shit-covered paws. Fuck a mountain lion. But a shark will eat your asshole. There's not much you can do about it. Wait, you're bleeding out your asshole? He's going to eat you. He's going to come up from behind so you don't even see him coming and he's just going to

start eating you. So what, bro? That's the risk we all take from living here on Mother Earth. The great Gaia. That's beautiful, man. I know, right?

I try to avoid being a part of the food chain except the top part. Yeah, but nobody, listen, the chances that you're going to get eaten by an animal

while doing an outdoor activity are very low. They're way, way higher than if you don't go to those places where the monsters are yeah i find that the the best way to cut down on the possibility of getting eaten by monsters is to not go near the monsters bro so you're would you go hang gliding? What am I, a fucking bird? Listen, man, that's a dumbass way to go. Would you go roller skating? Smashing into the rocks from an errant breeze. Oh, whoops, now I'm dead.

He doesn't want to go hang gliding because he might get eaten by a pterodactyl. Hey, Brian, why don't you tell him the story about your dad and parachuting? Yeah, no, paragliding? Why don't you tell him, Brian? Wait, I already know the story before you even tell it. But that's the type of thing. I bet you don't. Parachuting or paragliding? Parachuting. Yeah. Yeah, no, paragliding? Why don't you tell us, Brian? Wait, I already know this story before you even tell it. But that's the type of thing. I bet you don't. Parachuting or paragliding?

Parachuting. So he jumped out the fucking thing and died? No, no, no. This is his dad? His dad, Brian. My dad worked with somebody that every week she was like, hey, you need to come skydiving with me because she did it every weekend. And he was like thinking about it even though he didn't want to.

And then one day she died she jumped out and I guess like her emergency parachute went with her regular parachute so what she dances with the devil bro to me that was like

one out of one out of one million though but I would never parachute but I think Joe should go roller skating and if not I wouldn't know what his excuse is I've heard plenty of bad stories

I'm not scared don't be scared homie don't be scared homie dot com that's what I should stories. I'm not scared. Don't be scared, homie. Don't be scared, homie. Dot com. That's what I should use that website for. Don't be scared, homie. Sure, after the fight. Yeah, that is a good idea, man.

Look, think about what would Tyler Durden do dot com. They have that site. Yeah, it's a cool site. The biggest compliment. Brian's friend. Yeah. Brian interacts with that guy. I want him to help me.

He's a funny dude, man. What would Tyler Durden guy... It's W-W-T-D-D. He says some funny shit, man. He's got some really good one-liners on things that are going on in the news. He's a funny guy. Yeah, he's funny. And he hates Paris Hilton a lot.

Oh, he's the anti... He's the anti... Paris Hilton? Paris Hilton. No, Paris, yeah. No, you're not Paris, Brian. Paris. Paris, the guy. No, no, no. Perez Hilton. Not Paris Brown. No, he hates Paris. Oh, he hates Paris.

His tweets on Paris are hilarious. Really? Why would he hate her? She's just some lost child. Why would he give her a fuck? Because it's funny. He's more of a funny guy. It's in right now to make fun of Paris Hilton. Again? I thought that died off.

Yeah, it did. Yeah, it has to die off. Because at a certain point in time, you become the joke for caring about her. Like, why are you still talking about this one person out of a river of humans? No, what do you mean? It's the next one, the next one, the next one. It's amazing, though, that people have... I can't believe that people stay irrelevant.

Like, to me, it's like, why? Like, why are these people famous i was like this is kind of sad it's like sad with our culture like i feel bad for us like man and i i start getting care i start caring because the other people care i'm like man damn it why do i care i don't want to pretend that i know what's going to happen in the future because i obviously don't you know i don't know whether or not we're going to pull ourselves out of this downward spiral this humanity downward spiral with some sort of a technological innovation or something. But if it doesn't happen, I'm so high.

I forgot what I was talking about. Man, you are fucking deep in the depth. I'm contacting high from sitting next to you. What were we talking about before he said that? Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton. This is a quote that he did. Paris Hilton, everyone hates you.

No one is going to watch your dumb show. No one cares anymore. Go kill yourself. Paris Hilton, everyone hates you. No one is going to watch your dumb show. No one cares anymore. Go kill yourself. That's the meanest tweet ever. It's so mean that it was funny. It was so mean that it was ridiculous. It sounded like Ari Shaffir wrote that. Yeah.

So this is what I was going to say. I don't know whether or not we were ever going to pull ourselves out of this downward spiral. But if you looked at a civilization, if you looked at a civilization right before it was going to fall, like Rome or like the Greek Empire, all you hear about is them going crazy. All you hear about is feathers and they're eating and they're throwing up and they're fucking everything and they're fucking little boys and shit

and there's lions versus Christians. It's always the craziest craziest shit goes down and that's what everybody talks about after it falls apart well isn't that what's happening right here i mean it has to be it's happening slowly that's what it is i mean we were talking brian and i were looking at the pictures of the coliseum in rome we were having lunch at this italian place today and they had this photo of the coliseum in r, and the photo was from 2010, right? So the Colosseum was this fucking incredible old piece of architecture where people fought fucking lions right there in the center of that bitch. And there's cars just driving around it.

And the cars, the distance between the curb and the fucking walls of this insane old building is what, 15 feet? 10 feet? It's like there's no space. It's like car and this insane old building is what 15 feet 10 feet it's like there's no space it's like car and this insane old building yeah people are probably peeing that shit just fell apart it fell apart and nobody fixed it yeah it just fell right apart that could easily happen with us and if it does they're going to be talking about us the same way we talk about the romans so mountain biking mountain biking crazy assholes had tv shows where regular people became famous They're gonna be talking about us the same way we talk about the Romans so mountain liking they'll be loud I'm by these crazy assholes had TV shows where regular people became famous

Girls became famous because they were showing their pussies They get other cars like how many how many girls ever came famous like were big or got like massive publicity For showing their pussy on TV or showing their pussy rather in publicity for these magazines. How many times has that happened? So, 14. That would be something. I think that's incorrect. You don't think 14 is right? I think 14, maybe. Probably 14.

Maybe 14 girls have shown their pussy. Pretend that they've accidentally shown their pussy. You think it's 14? A lot of them are probably not. Somebody researched that. It's probably not that many. It's probably like six. No, probably four.

The point is, that's going to be something they would talk about in the future when they study ancient history. They talk about the fall of the American empire. What are they going to talk about? They're going to talk about how nutty we were. The girls would just show their pussies.

Girls became famous for leaking sex tapes. Just fucking sucking cock. Yeah. Like Kim Kardashian. She got famous for hanging out with a girl who should have been,

should have been, you know, there should have been no reason for Paris Hilton to become famous. Why was she famous? Well, she just figured out how to do it. Don't hate. There she is. And so Kim Kardashian was hanging out with her and goes, you know what?

I got to kick this up a notch. I'm going to do a porno with a black guy. So she does a porno with this dude. She sucks his dick, fucks him, everything. It's all real legit porno. And then it's like, oh, how did that get out there? Darn it. And then that becomes a huge hit show.

And then she becomes a mainstream celebrity on the cover of almost every magazine. Every goddamn time I go to the magazine stand, her face is on the cover of some magazine, whether it's a fitness magazine or anything. It's amazing. That would be something that people would look at and say, look how crazy they got. They just made regular people. Like, you don't have to sing. You don't have to dance.

You don't have to write. You don't have to create. Well, she has charisma. She's got an ass. She's got an ass and she has some charisma. You think so? Charisma meant ass. So, yeah.

No, I don't know. Don't you think that if you were looking at a culture. If people like, I know. If you looked at it for the future. Yeah, of course. That's what you would say. You would say, look at these crazy assholes. No, maybe some people are just going to have the charisma,

and then all of a sudden they're going to be awesome. I don't think we're on the same track. No, like everybody will have it. You guys seen that movie, Christine? How about everybody will just be famous, and we'll all be like, oh, wait. We just connected the two things right now. That's what I was just thinking.

Everybody has a computer chip in their brain, and then you walk up to this guy and go, oh, he's awesome. And then everyone will just shine in the magical land. Well, I think eventually everyone's going to have – Your phone number will be like a channel. You will have like your own channel. To write to the brain like, oh, bro, let me get your channel number because I really want to dance around in your head right now. That will be right before the final immersion. immersion that's what would be the last final immersion oh my god final immersion is no no consciousness other than the one everybody

together we're gonna get all linked up like the matrix right now that's what's gonna happen no emotion no bullshit no negativity oh we're gonna be aliens and then we're gonna send ourselves back all the way through the universe back in time to us. Oh, man, you're freaking me out, man. That's ultimate stoner talk. There's no more ultimate stoner talk then. Where's the peace team? What happens when you die?

Or future? Aliens in the future. And what's going to happen, man? When's it going to end, man? I know. That's all I do. That's all all i do i'm a fucking fool all i do all day is not even think about the moment just worry constantly about what is going to happen in the future bro man i'm getting i feel like this you guys are a little therapeutic right now it's a breakthrough look it's just to me it's all just hyper fascinating

it's all hyper fascinating dr phanging out with Dr. Phil. It's not that I'm not. I have been hanging out with Dr. Phil. How is that? You got any secrets with the Dr. Phil? I don't know. Dr. Phil was, I was like, damn. It was weird as me getting ready to fight.

I'm like, man, I'm about to fight a man. Man, I'm about to go on a Dr. Phil show. Are you nervous? No, I was just like, this is so weird. I was nervous. I was just like, what the hell am I doing? This is so funny. Did he give you a massage or anything? Is there any things that he did when the cameras were off?

I wanted to touch his head, but, you know, that's disrespectful. Right. You know, I mean, just to say I did it, you know? Was he a sweet guy? What was he like? Yeah, he was a nice dude. Really nice guy? Yeah, Dr. Phil's cool.

I was like, man, this is the. No, he had a weightlifter hand grip. Really? Yeah, I'm like, yeah. A weightlifter hand grip? Yeah, a little bit. I was like, hey, man, Dr. Phil's kind of buff. Wow.

I swear. I was like, really? He played football in high school. Yeah, for sure. Like, college, maybe. Would you hang out if Dr. Phil called you up? Hey, Jason, I'm down here at the bar thinking about getting a beer. Would you like to join me?

Hell, yeah. I want to talk to Dr. Phil. I'd like to talk to Dr. Phil. What would you do if Dr. Phil just started talking pussy? Man, I would... Let's cut the bullshit. Dr. Phil just started talking crazy pussy stories. Back before I was married.

Remember when I was supposed to be on that Dr. Phil show or the doctors and you talked me out of it? What was it about? For salvia. Oh, yeah. And they're going to show my video and everything. Don't do that. I told them, don't be going on. Are you going to do something?

First of all, that's going to contribute to the end of that salvia. Right. I know. That's what I was thinking. That shit is so fragilely legal. It's not anymore. I don't think it's legal anymore. It's still legal in California.

I'm pretty sure. I thought it was. Some states. It's legal in some states still. Some states made it illegal. I think they just made it illegal in Florida. That's fucked up. It doesn't hurt anybody, man. This is why it's weird that they're making it illegal. The problem is, it's sort of

a guilt by association thing because if you consider it, and even though you look at the statistics and there's no deaths and there's no immediate danger health-wise, why should it be illegal? Well, because it's like all this other shit that's illegal. Salvia is one of the most potent psychedelic drugs in the world, and it's available at head shops, whereas it's really hard. It's available at Target.

What are you talking about? They sell salvia at Target. Do they really? Salvia plants. Oh, salvia plants. Yeah, that's pretty trippy. Same thing. Yeah, you're right.

It's sage. Right. I mean, that's what salvia is. Oh, what? That's Yeah, that's pretty trippy. You're right. It's sage. I mean, that's what salvia is. Oh, what? That's it? I don't know if it's the same strain. Yeah, exactly. What it is is they extract it, and they condense it down, and they extract it. So you get salvia times 60.

So it's like this little condensed form, or not condensed, or whatever. Wait, and then you put that in your coffee? No, no, no. It's like a herb. It's like weed, and form or – not condensed or whatever. Wait. And then you wait. You put that in your coffee? No, no, no. No, no. It's like a herb. It's like weed and you have to get this – Put that in your pipe and smoke it. You get this lighter that you have to have one of the crack lighters with the blue torches

and it gets it up to a certain temperature and it releases a – pretty much it's like a whippet of mushrooms. You're just doing – Yeah. Oh, God. I'm shrooming. Oh, my God. My face is on fire. I'm melting. I'm dead. Oh, hey. I'm back.

But the problem is kids were doing this. 50 times a day. 50 times a day, right, making the most hilarious YouTube videos in the world. If you ever want to see some of the funniest shit, just go on YouTube, type in Salvia. Oh, the kid and the kid. Yeah, kids doing all that shit. Yeah, exactly. All right.

Is that a good impression of? I've never watched it. Yeah, exactly. Or, all right. Or it's... Is that a good impression of... I never watched it. Kind of. It looked like a seizure. It was more of a seizure. I've seen a few seizures. I'm just saying.

Was that a good seizure? That was decent. That's a good seizure. That's a good seizure. I told the story about... I already told it before, but I used to have my friend Johnny. His girlfriend used to fake seizures.

Why? She did, the girl. She wanted to touch it so bad, she used to fake seizures she would fall down and like fake a seizure and he would he would use it as an excuse to slap her in the face he's like honey wake up wake up honey wake up and i'd see like you like bite his lip i was hitting her like fucking bitch like you like really like give her slaps in the face why that was that's the most healthy relationship i've ever heard of chaos that's the most healthy relationship I've ever heard of the most amazing thing

about knowing a lot of fucked up people everyone saw you have a story like that it puts it all in perspective too you realize damn man my girl sucks at least she's not faking seizures in a fucking grocery store

where you have to slap the shit out of her in front of everybody that's the saddest thing ever yeah pretty pretty goddamn ridiculous yo you got this chick's number or what she's dead damn she's dead she deserves to be wow she's dead i don't know if she's dead he's dead though oh poor bastard yeah he was my best friend fascinating dude yeah hung out with a lot of crazy bitches. Yeah, you know, that can get easy to do, man. Because, you know, a chick is beautiful. Sure.

You don't know that she's banana sandwich. And you don't care either because once you start having sex with them... You deal with it and then you're like, oh, what am I doing right now? Problem with dudes is once you start having sex with them,

if it's good and they're hot... Wait, you have sex with dudes? What? What? You just said... Yeah. No, no, no, no. Listen to me, you fucking clowns.

The problem with us is that when you have sex with a girl and she's hot, you get addicted to it. You got one. Yeah. And she's super hot and she's sexy and she's got a killer body. You're like, you could get that again. You could always get that again. So even if she's crazy, you start going, oh, fuck. You want...

All right. Well well i don't know okay what are you doing you want to go out tomorrow and then next thing you know you're fucking her again and next thing you know this is your girlfriend this crazy bitch is your girlfriend yeah and just because she's hot and she's got a good you know i know she's a freak and the crazy ones a lot of times they're more fun in bed because they want to they want to please you they want to you know they really want you to be rocked. So they'll freak you out more. And then you're even extra stuck.

Right? Because if you get used to that, you get used to what my friend Tony always says, that erotic and psychotic are like next door neighbors. What are you doing over there, Brian? He was looking for something to drink, so I gave him some Jack. You want another coconut drink? Yeah. Coconut drink! Thanks, dude. You're like want another coconut drink? Yeah. Coconut drink.

Thanks, dude. You're like the best intern ever, Joe. Thank you. Thanks. I like he's wearing a paper boy cap too, man. I know. Hey, mister.

Hey, Skippy. Here's your coconut water. Exactly. Man. You need like one in the couch, Joe Rogan. That's one of the best ones. I know you have regular water in there.

Damn it, bro. That's alright. You know what? I was drinking out of the sink. I like to do it old school. That's his jerk-off sink, though. I drink out of a jerk-off sink. Yeah, he puts his dick underneath the sink and it drops the water on it like a girl does in a bathtub.

What? I don't know. Have you ever heard of girls that do that? That masturbate by putting their pussy right underneath the faucet and they just slowly turn it on. That's got to be a benefit of being a chick. It must be way easier to masturbate. Open wound. Yeah, totally.

You think so? Fuck yeah. I don't know, man. You got to rub. You got to slide it like arm motion. They stick stuff in there, bro. Yeah, they're allowed to put things in there. If a girl gets used to that, that's the real problem. She gets used to a vibrator.

Some girls get broken. Their pussies just get broken to regular stimulation. They're just so oversensitized. That happens a lot more than I thought it did. They got to cycle off. Like coffee. Yeah, you stop doing coffee for a while, and then all of a sudden you're like, drink a coffee.

You're like, oh, yeah. I'm freaking pumped. It's true, right? Big difference. Yeah, right? It's like you just stop. You stop drinking. The weirdest thing, I know when I'm drinking coffee too much, when I can drink it and then

get sleepy. Yeah. That's when you know, you got to stop drinking coffee, dude. What? If you drink it so much, you can drink drink it And all of a sudden You get sleepy I wonder why that is right I don't know Probably not good

Probably your liver Like going Oh too much coffee Your kidneys Trying to shut you down Going dude They say a little bit of coffee Is not bad for you

But you can get The problem with like Starbucks coffee Is if Which is the best Don't be hating on Starbucks I'm not What I say is the best

Listen Listen bro I'm a gold card member Okay man I know there's a coffee bean Thermos in front of me which is the best. Don't be hating on Starbucks right now. What did I say? The best. Listen, bro. I'm a gold card member. Okay, man. I know there's a coffee bean thermos in front of me, but that's not because I'm disloyal. It's not product placement. But the problem is that Starbucks coffee

has a fuckload of caffeine in it. Not enough. Wait, not enough? That's why I drink it, man. My new thing is getting iced coffee, unsweetened with three shots. In an IV? Three espressos.

Oh, my God. Three espressos. Three, man. But they say espresso is not as much caffeine as coffee is. No, but that's on top of a- So it's three cups of coffee, though. Yeah, that's- Three cups of espresso.

Each espresso is one. Three shots is like three cups of coffee, right? Yeah. A shot of espresso is like three cups of coffee? Almost, yeah. No, no, no, no. That's what I'm saying. No, it's like a three cups of coffee, right? A shot of espresso is like three cups of coffee? Almost, yeah. No, no, no, no. That's what I'm saying. No, it's like a weak cup of coffee.

Like it's three weak cups of coffee, but they're like condensed into small. I'm sorry. I thought you were saying that each shot is three cups. Oh, no, no, no. It's not quite a cup of coffee. A shot of espresso is like slightly below an average cup of coffee. Sort of. But that's how they make Americanos.

No, no. It's a fucking fascinating subject because you can get... I mean, look. You go and get a Venti. You go and get a Venti Starbucks. You take somebody who has never drank coffee before.

Someone who doesn't take any stimulants and you just give them that Venti. They might have to sit down. They might be so jacked. They might be like, wow, my heartbeat is beating too fast. But that's the nature of coffee. Your hands could be shaking.

But meanwhile... You have to get used to it. Yeah. You know, you get drugged up and boom. It's a legal drug. What are you talking about? Yeah, it is. It's legal.

It's a drug. How many coffees a day do you have, Jason? I don't know. Like two? Fourteen? No, no. I know I'm real high tension. I don't allow myself more than one.

Oh, really? The only time it's two is if I'm really busy working. That's what I mean. Putting stupid hours. I'll go like in the morning and then in the afternoon sometimes. And I two is if I'm really busy working. That's what I mean. I'll go in the morning and then in the afternoon sometimes. Bam! I'm hype at Starbucks. I would like to see you on a muscle relaxer. I bet you'd just be like, hello guys.

How are you doing today? I bet that shit would have no effect. I think this shit's broke. I think it's fucking broke. Muscle relaxer don't work. That's what you'd do. They had to juice me up with a lot of that stuff to put me to sleep, though. Really? Yeah.

When you got operated on? Yeah, when I got operated, I put a plate in my thumb, and they're like, all right, we're going to pump you full of stuff. And he goes in there to push it in there. And I'm like, whoa! I feel like a giant rush over my whole body. I'm like, oh, my God! And they're like, okay, just relax. I'm like, whoa. I feel like a giant rush over my whole body. I'm like, oh, my God. And they're like, okay, just relax.

I'm like, no, no. I'm like, man, I'm high right now. Wait a minute. You're about to be operated on? This is the type of shit you're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, man, I'm high right now. I was like that.

And the guy looks at me like, oh. And I realize that the stuff is too weak. And I'm like, you can't knock me out. You can't. And the guy looks at me like, oh, and I realize that the stuff is too weak. And I'm like, you can't knock me out. You can't. And the guy is like, yeah, laugh. The guy was laughing? I remember as I'm all blurry, like with all the drugs, and I'm like, man, I look and I remember him like smirking at me. And then going back, oh, man, I shouldn't talk shit to him like that.

Wow. Because I came out of it like thinking I was in a fight. Like, ah, ha, ha. And like kicking at the nurses and everything like that wow because because i came out of it like thinking i was in a fight like i was like like and like kicking at the nurses and everything like that and i was like oh and i was like oh my bad like i was like oh sorry then i felt so sick because he pumped me so full of that stuff that like i did and i was like man what did i do and can you imagine being a fucking nurse oh they thought you know they were kind of used to it honestly they're like yeah they're like yeah because they do like all like extreme athlete

crazy dudes yeah really and they're like yeah we've we've seen people like jump up out of their seats so they were like it was mellow and i was like oh i'm very sorry like i was apologizing it's a weird feeling going out like that going under and waking up and you're operated on already your knees stitched up together yeah weird it's very strange how many operations have you had oh only like i don't know four what have you had done so knees like cleaning out stuff and acl replacement and like putting a putting a plate in just one acl replacement or did you have another one yeah both of them both of them done yeah like and i had a the middle of my knee cut out because uh because like it was annoying the hell

out of me i cut it out what is it what do you mean the middle of your knee meniscus their meniscus yeah yeah it's it was sticking out oh a bucket handle yeah bucket wow you know i had that i had that on my left oh yeah we talked i had that shit operate it clicks it would click stuck it would get stuck i'd be like oh god and i'm just like yank that thing out of that shit is a ferocious pain too that meniscus pain is tough to that's tough to fade yeah very difficult to ignore it's not something you just walk off no no it's it's a bone piercing yeah pain weird we knees are so fucking painful yeah did you have a couple test testicles added? Yeah. Like 17 testicles?

I'm pretty accurate. Brian, why are you looking? He just checked your package too. 17 testicles. Seems like you might have a few more than the other guys.

He's got extra balls. He's swinging. Yeah, it's amazing that they can stitch you up and put you back together again now, though. Isn't that fucking cool? Like, how many guys do you know that have...

I know guys that have had discs replaced, you know, artificial discs stuck in between and had their discs fused. Yeah, Tito had that done. Who else had that done? Nate Marquardt had... No, not Nate. Nate Quarry had that done.

A lot of guys have had that done. They blow out their discs, and they get their shit replaced, and they can go right back and fight again. It's fucking crazy. That used to be a deal breaker. Your discs were jacked. Forget about competitive athletics on the highest level.

There's no way, man. It used to be ACL got jacked. My friend Steve. And you were done forever. I was shocked when I said ACL. They're like, no, you just go, and we put you back together i'm like oh awesome and it's it's more powerful than the original yeah it is like my acl this man it's stronger than it was like i was like what the hell yeah you did the workouts and whatever and then it's like did you use a cadaver yeah well

you know they use an achilles tendon that's what they use it's a big fat fucking cable it's bigger than what's naturally in there. What's naturally in there sucks. Wow. You're saying that I have illegal knees right now? I got both. Both of mine are done. This one was done with a patella tendon graft though, which kind of sucks where they take

a chunk out of your bone and a strip of meat where your tendon is and it's attached to your shin and then they open you up and then they screw it in place. It takes a long ass time to heal from. It's much longer recuperation time because you got a hole in your shin or a hole in your kneecap and a hole in your shin. Like they cut it out and they, so your, your tendons been all fucked up.

So it's, it's a way more invasive thing. This one I had done. It was a, they did a cadaver, my right one. And there's just like two little tiny holes and they stitched them up and that's it.

It was all fixed. I mean, it's crazy. They just get in there and screw this new joint in was all fixed. I mean, it's crazy. They just get in there and screw this new joint in place. That used to be, if you lived 1,000 years ago, man, you were a cripple. You were fucked. You were that guy that would fall down if the wind blew too hard. Come on, dude.

Black president. We're in the future right now. What? The year 2000. It's just thinking it's so cool that they could patch you up and put you back together again, you know? Yeah. We live in the future. I don't have a jet pack, but whatever.

Have you ever had your elbows done? Nah. Shoulders are supposed to be the worst. Nah. Tear your shoulders. That's supposed to be the biggest pain in the ass to recoup. Yeah. That's dancing with the devil.

That's what I do every day. You do. You ever think that? Like, man, I'm fucking staking my living on my physical flesh. Yeah. Dance with the devil. He likes it. It's fun.

It is the funnest thing for you, right? Right. I can't help it. It's so fun. I like doing crazy stuff all the time. Do you think you're going to have a long career? Are you going to be doing this for a long time? I think, yeah.

I think I could do it. I can't do it for a long time, but think, yeah. I think I could do it. Like, you know, I can't do it for a long time, but, you know, that's my job, you know? I feel good. You're definitely better now than you've ever been before. I know.

And what are you, 29 now? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm about to change it up. You about to hit 29? About to hit 30. 30, god damn. Crazy, right?

That's like when you're an adult, dude. I know. Bro, I've been feeling it. I'm like, I feel kind of happy about it. I'm like, I'm going to be an adult. We're going to get you over in the UFC, man. I know. Bro, I've been feeling it. I feel kind of happy about it. I'm like, I'm going to be an adult.

We've got to get you over in the UFC, man. All this Strikeforce nonsense. If this Nick Diaz thing doesn't work, man, I hope the UFC picks you up. We have to go get Joe Silva a massage somewhere. Maybe you have to get him a fucking gift certificate for somewhere cool. Some wonderful restaurant. Have a nice meal. I'll take him to the Olive Garden.

Joe, what are we doing with this Strikeforce nonsense? Mayhem Miller UFC fighter. I got a good thing going. Strikeforce. Let's see if Diaz will not be scared, homie. Go from there. When you watch the Anderson Silva Chael Sonnen fight. Let's see if Diaz will not be scared, homie. Right.

We'll go from there. When you watch the Anderson Silva-Chel Sonnen fight. Now, I know you train with Chel, right? I fought Chel. Where did you fight him? Yeah, but I trained with him, too. I fought him at 19. Man, I was like 18 years old. Really?

Yeah, we fought. 19? Yeah, he just kept taking me down. We crashed through the cage. Wow. There's video of it somewhere. Man, I was so young, man. I was like, we were like kids, man.

Wow. It was crazy. How old is he? I don't know. He's in his 30s, right? Yeah. He's a little older than me. When you watched his fight with Anderson Silva, so Anderson Silva, pound for pound, best fighter

in the world, UFC long-running middleweightweight champion what did you think when you saw that fight yeah the Chael Sonnen fight were you thinking I mean you know you're a your guy competing for the Strikeforce title at 185 you see Anderson you know and you see that you know that Chael is handling them yeah what did you think that like design is nice yeah definitely I mean but, you know, like, of course, my weight. That was the most intense I've ever watched a fight, really. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It must be, right?

Yeah, of course. Because I'm, like, in the little soap opera kind of, you know. Right, right, right. I'm, like, watching this. We're all, you know, the same weight. You could be fighting that guy easy. Yeah, I don't. Soon.

Yeah. Yeah, easy. Yeah. Both guys, really, right? Yeah, exactly. Anything could happen. Of course. How long is your contract at Strikeforce?

I believe, I don't know, I have a fight left. One fight left? Yeah, I think so. So that if you beat Nick Diaz, then do you get to fight Jacare for the title? I have, yeah, I have a couple fights left, I think. And I have... Two fights? Yeah, I think so, yeah, a couple fights, I think. And I have... Two fights? Yeah, I think so, yeah.

So what are they talking about now? If Nick Diaz doesn't want to fight, do you get to fight Jacare? Do you get to fight Tim Kennedy? Like, what do you do? What's next? I don't know, man. They don't know? They're just trying to get the Nick Diaz fight.

Well, I mean, that's the fight that everyone wants to see. That's cool. And, you know, I'm down. You know, it's like, that's my job. I'm down to do whatever. Does it get in the way when you're filming Bully Beatdown? Does it get in the way with your training? Do you have to train?

When you're filming that show, do you have to make sure that you don't have any fights scheduled for a while it's going down? Yeah, of course. I don't want to run it concurrent with my training camp. It would fuck it up hard, right? Yeah, it would fuck it up. What kind of hours?

But I took five. I took, I don't know. You know, for training, the bullet beatdown only takes two weeks. What is that monkey on? What did you do, Brian? It's a mayhem monkey. Oh, wow. Did you just cut and paste that?

Yeah. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it is pretty cool. I don't know. You know, it only takes two weeks to do the bullet beatdown. For the whole season? Yeah. i mean it's like more than two weeks because i have to go to do voiceover how many episodes do you guys do uh 10 at a time usually yeah so it's it's a fun like uh it's like a fun little summer camp like yay let's go film bully be done it's gonna be hilarious well it must have been way more fun coming into this season now that it's a big success.

Yeah. Like now, everything like, everybody like wants you there and is happy to see you and all excited. What? It's all pumped up. What do you mean? People that network, people in the studio. Like, you're on a successful show.

Yeah, yeah. That's when it starts. That's when it's fucking badass, right? It is. When it's successful. Exactly, yeah. It feels good. When things are rolling.

When things are moving along. Man, people, like that third season of it, right when it's successful exactly yeah you know when things are rolling when things are man people and so like i that third season of it you know i never seen an audience so pumped up like yeah the fans they're fans super fans like when the first day was like just people who were like what what is this you know when we used to film news radio there's a big difference between the first season of news radio like the audience and like the third season when it gets when it gets into where the fans come to watch the show yeah you know that's when it that's when it becomes fun yeah it's this crazy experience yeah filming shows is so hard in the beginning because no one knows what the fuck is going on you're trying to establish a rhythm and

it's like you know you're awesome but nobody else knows like i wasn't gonna say that what i was saying is it just takes a long time. I just feel like everybody who works on that show is awesome people. You know what I mean? They're all cool people. I got more into doing the Bully Beatdown job by the fact that the people who work on it are just so awesome people. They're just such awesome people.

So I'm like, oh, I really want to do a good job because these people right here are cool. So let me try to do a really good job because you don't see them working, but they're working really hard. Now, when all this shit went down with the CBS thing where you got in trouble and the big fight and the brawl on television, did they give you a

hard time over that? What do you mean? What are they going to give me a hard time about it for? Nobody gave you a hard time. Who, bully beat down people? Yeah gonna give me a hard time about it for them nobody gave you a hard time bully beat down people yeah like no one says like you know hey you know we can't get involved and yeah i don't even think there were what do you mean kid they weren't you know you know i'm saying like what are they gonna do no no no no what i'm saying is like when when a controversy happens like this like they don't want you involved in anything that's like negative or anything that's like you know like they don't have they don't sit down with you and say hey you can't be getting into brawls

because you represent the show. No. No? I think they understood my side. You know what I mean? They understood how the whole thing went down. Right, but in the news, it wasn't clear cut.

There was a lot of people that were blaming you. Yeah, well... They're just jerks. They didn't get that mad about it. Not bully beatdown. That's like my fighting career. They don't worry about my fighting career. I don't feel like they.

What do you think? That MTV is going to spank me for that? No, no, no, no. I don't understand. I'm really happy about it. I was wondering whether or not anyone was concerned. Bro. Whether anyone said anything to you.

No. What? Nobody talks to me. I'm just mayhem. It's so funny. You say it like it's ridiculous to ask. Yeah, what do you mean it is? You got in a bench-clearing brawl

on national television. But he's a fighter, though. That shit happens. I know. That shit happens. That shit happened. I can't help it. It's not ph1

i know yo man they have it man come on they have the jersey shore on i know they don't fuck around now people are just roofing each other on there yeah it's bad you know i mean when i saw that girl get punched in the face did you see that online oh yeah i saw online yeah i don't think they showed it on the show they blacked it off they didn't yeah i think they yeah they blurred it or something why would they blur it they don't want people showed it on the show. They blacked it off on the show. They didn't? Yeah, I think they... Yeah, they blurred it or something. Why would they blur it? They don't want people to see a girl get punched in the face and then say... But it was on. Because they could show, look, we have a giant rating spike right as this girl gets punched in the face.

This is what we need. We need more girls getting punched in the face. Oh, so they put... Oh, my bad. Did you see the girl that's on Dancing with the Stars, Sarah Palin's daughter or whatever... Mr. Palin? ...talking to the situation? Yeah, it was pretty funny. That was one of the most ridiculous i thought on the soup the soup is the best show

because i get to see the normal like everyday funny stuff that i would never see because i never watch a show like that right man dude the soup had it on there and it was man bring it up just bring it up how strange is it in a year listen how strange is it that dancing with the stars i don't has a presidential campaign vice presidential camp campaigners daughter who's like seven was she like 18 or something like you know something like that now 19 now something really young yeah like how is that she's a celebrity and she's talking yeah because she was pregnant because she was because it was a story that she was in the news i mean that's ridiculous like how is that a celebrity that's so weird what you know that like that you know dancing with the stars like that's

what they're calling a star they're calling this young girl whose mom was running for vice president who just happened to get pregnant and everybody knew about it they're calling her a star but that's so odd that you'd have that as Dancing with the Stars. Why? She's a star. And the situation is very... You look at me like I just hit you with some Zen cone. Like, what is the sound of one hand clapping?

Exactly. No, she is. But it's like the line is getting blurry. Now it's like anybody who's in the news. It's not... Dancing with the Stars is no longer the news. It's not, you know, when you, Dancing with the Stars is no longer entertainers. It's no longer,

it's anybody that anything happened to where they got famous. They're stars. It's like idols. In Japan, they already have that. Idols.

And then you become like a show that they'll check in on. They'll check in on you to see what the fuck's going on with you. What are you doing today, crazy? You know?

Like that Carrie prejean chick remember the chick who ran for uh was it miss usa that uh said a bunch of things about gay people she's always got something man there's always something in the mix wait you're talking about the girl i check up on her the uh miss south carolina pageant right the such as like as no no that girl was hilarious but that was just a brain fart, that poor chick. She just got caught in the headlights. Whatever, that was adorable. Was it adorable? Yeah.

You liked it? I like my girls to be all scatterbrained. When you see a girl's gingerly, bambi like that, does that get you excited? You're like, look at this girl. I got her. Just drag her into the mayhem void. Oh, man. Or you think I club chicks over the head and drag them to my lair?

No, just with your personality, bro. Just with your personality. You can just overtake them. You think so? Hey, let's run over here. See, a girl is saying like, as, and you can just dominate her with your will. So you're trying to tell me to have sex with Reet? She's not retarded.

She's just easily led. It's a difference. So mentally handicapped supermodels is what i'm looking for maybe sometimes it's not the worst thing that's all i'm saying not totally mentally handicapped but like there's a lot of people that are really happy just hanging out with their dog think about it that way there's a lot of people that are super smart and super healthy and they're just hanging out with their dog there's nothing wrong with that you but a lot of people get plenty of companionship just from their dog so if that's the case and they're super happy for the rest of life you could date someone is really dumb

She really allows a nice to you who cares a cute somebody just like having a dog somebody like this What are you doing Brian? That's that video that we're talking about excuse me? Oh? Have you ever had a situation with the official situation? video that we were talking about. I know you're all about that abstinence thing, you know, but, I mean, come on. Be Palin, are you serious? Like, you're not gonna hook up with, like, before you marry? For real? For real. For real, for real? For real, for real, for real. All right, well, you know what? I mean, just in case you do get into a situation, I wanna make sure that you are situated, because if you do get into a situation with your situation,

you may end up with a situation, and you may not like that situation. Trust me, though, I'm not getting myself into another situation. I know how hard it is to be a teen parent. You know what, I totally respect that. And I totally respect abstinence. I mean, it actually has the word abstinent. Come on, I'm the situation, I love that. Very funny, but I'm worried about you and you practicing safe sex.

I actually practice a whole lot. I mean a whole lot. Talk about the safe part of that. Ah, the safe part? We got the safe part down pat. One pile. Magnums. You know what? I might be able to spare one. I mean, you know, I'll give you one. It's fine. I avoid situations. All right, good, good. If you're good at avoiding situations, and you're situated, and I'm situated,

situation's under control well i'm glad that we agree on one thing pause before you play pause before you play that's probably you know what what is this a fucking high school video who made this no it is what was this on hold on what was this on the the candies foundation what was it on television what was it a commercial what was it i don't know it's a psa bro yeah it's a psa of some sort dude that shit was designed by the terrorists that's that's designed to lower our standards and weaken our wills and they're gonna fucking cross our borders and just start raping and pillaging totally motherfucker that was dumb Holy shit that was scary dumb What's the situation

The situation ain't situated It's got abs in it Whoa Whoever wrote that You should tie a bicycle chain around your neck And jump into the ocean They're trying to give the kids a bicycle chain So that means they can like pedal out of it

So they can slowly drown What A bicycle chain they can pedal out of it, maybe. So it can slowly drown. What? I want them to slowly drown. A bicycle chain? Yeah. I can swim out. How far? I'm dropping you in the middle of the ocean.

Oh, in the middle of the ocean. I just want, you know, you got to get that chain off first. Yeah. Fuck, I'm sorry. What I'm saying is, fuck you, bitch. God damn, man. Jesus. Stop knocking the microphone, man.

You son of a bitch. Fuck, aren't you hearing that? No, I don't even hear it. Does it hurt your ears? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it hurts everybody who's microphone, man. You son of a bitch. Fuck, aren't you hearing that? No, I don't even hear it. Does it hurt your ears? Yeah. Dude, it hurts everybody who's listening, too. That shit's loud as fuck. Okay, here's the situation.

The situation's parents out town. They just don't want people to, like, you know, bang each other. Well, what is that about? She's pretending she doesn't take dick anymore. How dare you? Right. How dare you? He's acting like he doesn't have, like, sex without a condom dick anymore. How dare you? Right. How dare you?

He's acting like he doesn't have sex without a condom or whatever. Raw dog chicks? Yeah, he's pulling out condoms. That dude's had sex in a tanning bed. He's probably not wearing a condom. You don't think so? No. Did he have sex in a tanning bed on the show?

Probably. Whoa, that's got to be bad for your eyes. Have you ever masturbated on a tanning bed? No, I have not. I sometimes masturbate about the chick that checks masturbated on your tanning bed no i sometimes masturbate about the chick that checks me in at the tanning bed because she's so fucking hot and she has huge tits and she's oh wait never mind well they say they have a problem they have a problem with women doing that in tanning beds i've heard that the women like to masturbate in tanning who wouldn't want to masturbate in a hot room right well we're here like in a little bubble. You got nothing to do

with it. Maybe an Eskimo. The worst is if you spray though and then it's like early on in the tanning, it starts to like sizzle. Oh yeah, it cooks. You're cooking jizz omelets on your stomach? That's disgusting, bro. It sounds like it's a little 7-Up can by your ear. That's the low point of this podcast, folks.

Jizz omelets. Cooking jizz omelets. Cooking jizz omelets. Sorry, man. Did I go too far? No. Period. Period, bud. How many times have you walked out of the house with dry loads on your stomach? Man, never. Never? Never just

throwing a shirt on and said, fuck it, who cares? I felt my belly like I missed a spot or something like that. I felt a little crunchiness. Jim Norton had a load in his belly button from the night before, and we were on Opie and Anthony, and he was telling everybody. He's like, oh, I'm smelling it. Hold on a second. And he dips his finger in it, and he gave it to one of the interns.

I forget who it was, and he made smell it. And he almost threw up. And then he goes, you want to try it? I go, all right. What? So he sticks the smell. I mean, basically, I smelled it. So that dead, horrible smell.

Because I was there. I was on the radio. Fuck it. I'll smell it. So you sniffed Jim Norton's load? Belly load? Some of his belly load came into my nose in the form of fumes. Basically.

I would say no to that. Wouldn't you say? Yeah. Yeah, I should have said no. Well, on the radio. I'm just trying to think. Sure, I'll'll do it yeah but it's the listen to the radio when you're on the radio it's just like on this podcast everybody's at 10 you're just trying to have fun right try to do what's the funniest thing the funniest thing is that guy says you want to smell my stinky load you go

okay fuck it come on we're on the radio you know i'll smell your load if you really want me to you know and he was kind of shocked as as I was, that I was smelling it. Can I go to the bathroom? Yeah, go ahead, man. I'm just going to jerk off and put load in my belly button. Don't do it. Don't do it. There's something about the shape of the belly button that makes the loads ferment and fester.

And again. Are you going right now? Are you really moving? No, he doesn't really have to go to the bathroom. I don't have to go to the bathroom. Thanks, dude. Brian didn't see it. He didn't see the joke.

Man, good job. You didn't even get my jokes. It was an awesome joke, Brian. You just totally missed it. I was doing something. I can't remember what I was doing. We've got it down to a science of how much pot you should smoke before one of these things. No, I was finding another video for you when you guys were talking.

The stars don't align. Align. What was another video? Another PSA with the situation? No. Because I don't know if i can fucking take it bro i felt like you wasted moments of my life but at the same time i think it's a step in the right direction that abstinence people have gone well people aren't gonna stop fucking so try to wear a condom yeah is that what they're doing yeah because before people but the abstinence people are all religious it's all religious people yeah no one has a brain is talking about abstinence people are all religious it's all religious people yeah no one has a brain

that's talking about abstinence that's just against human nature you can't stop people from touching each other if that's true why would they even think for a second that the situation

would best represent that PSA I think because they think of him he's the guy who bangs a lot you know I mean whatever they're trying to

paint it in a nice way I think they just think he's famous I think it's that simple I think it's that simple. And he'll do that thing. As simple as he's famous, he's in the news, if they can get him to do it, people will pay attention.

Yeah, that's true. But that shit is so bad. That whole situation, if you get in a situation and her talking, it's so dumb. Joey Diaz. This better not be who I think it is. Call from Joey Diaz. I think it is Joey Diaz. This better not be who I think it is. I think it is Joey Diaz. How dare he? I'm not answering shit.

Anyway. We're not fucking picking up the phone, bro. I need to remember to unplug this phone. Most people don't call me when we're doing a podcast. But occasionally someone gets confused. Robot off. I know. I need one of those, right?

Yes. I just need to unplug it. The problem is the bass is not in this room. I'm a disorganized motherfucker, Brian. I wish I had an Ewok. I've made great strides, though, in creating this room. We actually have a place where we do the podcast every week, and it feels like this is where it all comes from.

It feels like it's right. It's a desk. It's like we've got a soundboard. It's all professional equipment and shit. A friend of mine just started watching the podcast, and he started with episode one. And he's like, holy shit, dude. This is the craziest thing ever. You guys were just sitting in front of a laptop, and you had snowflakes coming down.

That's right. I forgot about that. We did all kinds of stupid shit. It was like Christmas Eve or something like that. Yeah. Was it? Something like that. Yeah. We're almost on our year anniversary. Why don't Christmas Eve or something like that. Yeah, was it? Something like that, yeah.

We're almost on our year anniversary. Why don't I get any snowflakes? We lost that technology. Listen, it's hard enough to keep the image on the air. With these Ustream feeds, a lot of times it cuts out, and a lot of times our internet will shut off and it cuts out. It's a pain in the ass, man. You just want to make sure that you just get it. The most important thing is the audio. Where do you get a tube

that goes right to the internet? I'm not even sure what the internet is. Me neither. Do you know what it is? If someone said, hey, you got to go fix the internet, it broke. Where would you walk to with your tool belt? You're like, is it the end of this hallway?

It would be broke forever if it was just left off yeah we're stupid well you would be like where the fuck is it and how do you fix it you have to relearn the whole thing i figure it's like a tron what's that what about tron it's going to be very strange when everything's wireless which isn't it's going to be inevitable when it's not as when it's you know not when there's wireless, which is going to be inevitable. When there's no difference between being plugged in and not being plugged in, which is probably inevitable.

What are you talking about? It's like that now. Yeah, but it's not totally like that now. There's a lot of places that don't have Wi-Fi. There's a lot of people that have their computer plugged in. This computer's plugged in. But eventually, that's not even an option. Why would you get a plug? Are you stupid? You just turn it on. It just picks it up.

It's everywhere. You know, that's the next step. It's, it's fucking fascinating shit, man. Fascinating shit where all these computers

and technology. It sucks when shit starts going wrong though. Like, my shit's just all together going wrong at the same time and I feel like I'm just in a disaster right now.

A computer disaster. Wait, and you have superpowers. My technology, my computers, everything technology my computer you've had a bunch of problems and one of them that you shouldn't talk about too much because of the nature of the problem oh you know that one with the software issue oh yeah yeah yeah yeah no no like you know i'm saying right all the back you need a fleshlight no no no like all my high five wait i didn't know what were you talking about put it, no, no. Like all my shit. Oh, hi-fi. Wait, what were you talking about again?

Put it in your eyeball. What? No, all my shit's like breaking at the same time. Like my dog decided to eat my laptop cable, and my battery decided to die, my hard drive's dying, and then all like my TV, my HDMI cable shorted out, my washing machine broke the other day. It's like everything is breaking right now. It's the beginning of the apocalypse, Brian.

It is. It's a mini apocalypse in your It's my only little technology 2012. I just thought you had like superpowers or something to magnetize the broken cables. I thought, what are you doing? I'm putting it inside out. That looks fucking disgusting. Brian, don't do that.

This is the flashlight that our guests have to touch. And you're just abusing it and manhandling it. And I feel it's really dirty when you take it out of the sleeve to clean it. Like it looks really disgusting. Is that the butthole one? This is the one that you actually used, remember? Ew, no, it's not. Man, that looks like a real-life butthole, I have to say, man.

I've seen a butthole or two at my time. They make an actual mold of a real-life butthole. It's a Nick Diaz. Someone's... Nice. I've seen a butthole or two at my time They make an actual mold of a real live butthole Nick Diaz Nice Well you know if you weren't into doing gay porn But they offered you a million bucks For a foam mold of your butthole They said listen we're going to give you

A stone cold solid One million dollars all we need We're just going to throw some plaster of Paris over your butthole And make a little impression Of me? Yeah and sell you a rubber butthole. Would you do it? I would do it for like $16.

I'm like, what? $16. That's so random. Brian, for publicly, for a mold of your butthole. This would be like an argument that I'd have to have with my manager. Oh, you mean like? They'd be like, don't do it. I don't think you should do it.

Oh, I gotta put my name on it? It's a million dollars. You wouldn't do it? Yeah, yeah. You gotta sell your butthole. Are you gonna do it? Well, I'm putting it out there right now.

I'm putting it out there to all the would-be butthole toy manufacturers. You think people are gonna pay a million dollars for your butthole? No, I don't. I think that your ass

is a little over bright. I don't think you can get a million dollars. I think you're right, but that's my price. A million? One million. Wow. I won't think you can get a million dollars. I think you're right, but that's my price. A million? One million. I won't do it for anyone.

You're pricing yourself out. But I'm not. Let's try to get 500,000. If some crazy old gay freak with a lot of cash steps up. Let's talk you down. What do you mean? Mass produced. How much for mass produced?

It has to be one million dollars. It's simple. It's very simple. You wouldn't go down. You could get a rubber mold of my butthole, and it will cost you $1 million. I think I'm quite clear. I would do it for $10,000, Chris. I don't need to negotiate.

Either way, I'm happy. I'm happy if it's yes. I'm happy if it's no. I don't care. I'm glad you have your price, Joe Rogan. If it's no, I keep some self-esteem points. I feel good about myself. If it's yes, holy shit, I just made a million bucks to lie down with some plaster of Paris over my butthole.

All right, let's take it the other way then. Okay, let's do this. All right. At what point do you sell yourself so bad, you know what I mean, that you can't recover? All right, how much money would it take you to, like, suck a horse? You know, you could go that far. Yeah, you can go too far. You can certainly go too far.

But could you? How long is it going to take to suck a horse's dick? What if you only had to suck a horse's dick until he came? Well, what if horses come really quick? I don't know. I bet they're super sensitive. Are you talking pre-cum or full-cum? I'm talking a full load.

You don't have to swallow it because you can't. A pre-cum is probably a 12-gallon. Someone might be able to get fucked by a horse, but I don't see anybody swallowing a horse load. You will fucking drown. That's the worst way to call the paramedics, when you're drowning by horse load. That shit would happen, man.

Remember that old man show guy that would chug the beers? Imagine him just trying to keep up with a horse's of course of course you wouldn't want to do that Of course it would be a terrible thing to do but what if it was and this is the ultimate hack premise But what if it was for a hundred million dollars or something crazy like that or a million billion? I know dude suck a horse's dick for an hour for a billion hour my bad I should have never said that man We don't have to actually suck it for a whole hour because it probably won't take that long. But you're committed.

You're committed to attempt it for one hour. Does this have to be a horse or can it be a pony? Wow. I was thinking. I was thinking like that's how juvenile I am. Yeah, I know. I'm so juvenile. That was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.

I paused for a second and pictured you blowing a pony. That's all I could think of. The pony was brown and white, too. It was really cute. Wow. Great. Mine had red ribbons in it, too. Red ribbons?

Yeah. I was like, why do they have red ribbons in there? What is it about little kids that love ponies and horsies and shit like that? What is it, man? No idea. Having little kids, man. My daughter loves horsies. She loves horsies and ponies.

Like, all little girls love horsies. Because it's a giant, nice animal that you can ride. It's like, that's like. But she doesn't know you can ride it. What? She doesn't know. She's two. She doesn't know you can ride a fucking horse.

That's ridiculous to her. She must have seen somebody at a fair or something. She's seen Barbie. Yeah, Barbie rides horses. Maybe she's seen it on movies. She's seen it in movies. There you go, bro. She must have seen somebody at a fair. She's seen Barbie. Maybe she's seen it in movies. Animated movies. For no reason. What is it about girls and horses? Do you think it's something sexual?

Absolutely. I've talked to a few people before and they all say it feels fucking great. It's constantly rubbing their pussy. If you look at where their sexual organs are, it's like they're constantly titty-fucking that horse. Why do you think? I live in an equestrian district,

and every time I go to Starbucks, there's at least four of them in there. They are always plain Jane girls because they can't get any dicks, so they fucking ride horses. They're never hot supermodels. They're never fucking fat chicks. Plain Jane girls,

I will make you stop riding horses. I agree. They're like, what? That's so weird. Listen, I don't believe that. Come on. You believe that? All the women that ride horses around me, all the women in my neighborhood who ride horses, look like they're getting away with something.

Yeah. They're like, I've asked. They're smirking, and they're looking you in the eyes. They're looking you in the eye while they're nutting in their Yeah. They're like, I've asked. They're smirking and they're looking you in the eyes. They're looking you in the eyes while they're nutting in their jeans. While there's this huge brown muscle underneath them just fucking tightening up.

Clip, clop, clip, clop, clip. Watching iPhone porn as they're riding the... No, holding the hair. The standard excuse for why a woman lost her hymen. The number one excuse was, oh, she lost it horseback riding. Right.

Did you know that? Now I do. Because it was always, hey, they checked to make sure a virgin. What's going on, hooker? You been getting dick stuffed in there? No, I ride horses. Like, oh, okay, that's cool. Wow.

So it was legit to bust your hymen? Yeah. Legit to bust your hymen and bust a nut i bet they do i bet the cowboys used to carve out their saddles and make a little holes when they ride really did they yeah just stick their dick in there you just made that up you fuck that's what i would do is that what you would do fuck yeah i would think of something like that make a fleshlight somehow to attach to my saddle balls you jerk off when you're driving that thing that you're supposed to hold on a long road trip you Yeah, just jerk off the whole time.

I've jerked off once in a car that I can remember. I don't think I did it again. I definitely did it once though. I know I was working. And I remember very clearly after I came thinking, I'm definitely going to do this again. I'm such an idiot. Like being disappointed with myself. It's not like I just jerked off

all over myself while I'm driving once. Like this is going to be a regular occurrence. So I'm thinking this is eventually going to become embarrassing for me. But then what happened, man? I just never did it again. I don't know what happened. I never did it again. You just lost your will?

I guess maybe I just rationalized. I looked at, am I really that horny? That's messed up. Am I really that horny, or am I just looking to be distracted while I'm driving? What am I doing? This is stupid. This is poor time management. Plus, it's hard to look at your GPS and imagine it's a girl.

No. Didn't you have a chick that got jealous? Yeah, my GPS won't do voice. Listen to this. He had a fucking GPS thing where it was an English woman's voice. Yeah. And his girl got jealous. She kept on making me change it to guys.

And then, like, I would download, like, the British chick. It was a TomTom it to guys and then I would download the British chick it was a TomTom and I would download the British chick and she'd be like what the fuck is this chick just turn it to the regular guy what do you think she's hot what is whoa that is so fucking crazy

man so oh what kind of a hell were you living in it was when GPS first came out Was it a fiery lava filled hot sticker up the ass hell? Tell me about that thing It was just when GPS came out and for some reason it annoyed her

She didn't like that it was a girl talking But she said, do you think she sounds hot? She asked why I just didn't have a normal guy voice She thought it was odd that I always made it like a sexy Asian girl speaking English voice or whatever. What?

They have that option? They have British woman, UK, Asian, American, Asian, Asian. Really? Did you ever get to the point where you were hearing that, where you were going, I have to get out of this relationship? No, it came out to the point where they had it where you could make your own recordings of it and she did it what the hell is wrong with you man no i did you did it why would i want to hear

myself talk to me no but i i want to hear the chick say i'm like thanks lady or i want to be like yeah thanks baby like you know i i i did it so yeah, thanks, baby. Like, you know. I did it. So it's like, turn the fuck up here. You know, I just cussed and stuff. And she was happy with that? Yeah. What would she do if you were? We broke up after, I think, around that time.

Bro, I would have broke up with her. Oh, my God. I would have kicked her out of the car. Like, right there. Why? It was still moving. Have you ever kicked a girl out of your car? Yeah.

What the hell are you talking about? The way he said it The way he said yeah Yeah I kicked you out You were saying yeah But what you were really saying was Of course stupid Yeah I was saying of course stupid

That was my next thing Of course Of course How many I've only kicked out one girl Out of my car ever I think it was like high school time though Like I was like dude

Get out of my car Like it was like little kids i have one crazy bitch i dated when i was 21 just off the top just loved to fight just loved to for whatever reason just start picking fights when you when you date people you figure out like some people are out of their minds oh this one was nuts she used to like to fight and then she used to like me to go hey what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, stop picking on me. Stop yelling at me. Just fucking chill out. You're acting like an asshole.

Right. I'm not doing anything to you. And then she would go super submissive. It was really crazy. And then want to fuck. That was like her constant strategy. So after a while, it was like she wanted to be handled. So she wanted to rise up.

She wanted to say shitty things. And it would build. She would start with a little insult. And then it would go on. And I would ignore it. I would try to just like, please, let's not fight. And then we'd get to the point where she would say something really stupid. And I'd have to go, hey, what the fuck are you doing?

Do we like each other? Why are you talking to me like this? Like, what's going on here? This is dumb, dumb shit. Like, you're not considering my feelings. And then she would go, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm sorry.

Fuck, I'm an asshole. I'm a loser. I don't know what's wrong with me. And then she would want to crash. And she'd want me to fuck her. What is that shit? Is that life-sroller or what? No, it's a game.

I date the same kind of girls. It's a sort of like, you know, it's like a distraction, sexual reward game. You're just bored. You want to fight. Well, it's just they also have that pattern. It's usually every relationship they've had has had that pattern. They have drama with their friends.

They usually have drama at home. It's like some people become addicted to drama and the big thrill you get from sort of overcoming drama. How many dudes do you know that just like you have to fucking get in a yelling match with this asshole before you can be friends with them?

I mean, how many guys have you ever met? I mean, our circles and circles of guys who train and MMA guys and high testosterone individuals, there's always this one guy where you have to go, bro, what the fuck? And then he's okay. Are you trying to say that about me right now, man? No. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, bro.

What the fuck? That sounds like something I would say. Oh, coconut juice. It's the shit, isn't it? I got a fucking complaint from a young man on Twitter. What? Saying that the coconut juice, I was steering him wrong. That coconut juice tastes like shit.

Yeah, well, he's got to get the right stuff. You got to get the right stuff. And, you know, I bet there's some people out there like, man, I like Mountain Dew Gold. Joe Rogan made me smoke, you know, drink this coconut juice. I like Mountain Dew Gold. I don't have a problem with Mountain Dew Gold. No, you know what I'm saying, though? They're just like, whatever.

They drink Mountain Dew every day, and that's it. You know, guys like that. Like, the same people that make fun of me for enjoying grape vodka. When you like flavored vodka, you need to drink Budweiser. Sorry for dropping the f-bomb again you can say whatever you want oh i'm allowed to do that yeah i don't care i retired not you know i only retired because i saw that i know i i i i stopped doing it too really yeah you'd be only because glenn i want to say it sometimes because i'm used to it because to me it means something

way different yeah i saw that show louis uh uh louis yeah and i and i saw the guy and i was like oh i was like oh i get it now i see why the gay people hate that word it's not correct but it's ph no but to them it's like real hateful heart like like and i'm like oh to me it's like what we say when we're little kids like like you just like whatever fag like you don't mean it at anything like i've been saying it for so long i say that that was a great scene, but what I was saying is not correct. He was saying that the origin of the word faggot meant that you would throw them on the fire just like faggots of wood. Oh, that's not true?

No, that's not the correct, what they call etymology. It's not etymology? No, the correct one is that a faggot, like a bundle of wood, was a burden, and it was difficult to carry. So a woman became a faggot. So women were faggots because they were a bundle of wood that was difficult to carry. They became burdensome. And then when they would talk about guys who were gay,

they would call them faggots too because they were women. They would just look at him. He's a faggot. He's a burdensome woman. That's what the correct. So me calling Jason's mom a faggot was actually proper terminology. Well, I don't know if his mom was a burdensome woman. That's what the correct... So me calling Jason's mom a fag, it was actually proper terminology. Well, I don't know if his mom was a burdensome woman. She might

have been a joy to be around and a wonderful companion. Like a bundle of wood. Could have been. I don't know. But either way, yeah. It's a problem is that it has a different definition for gay people than it does for us. Yeah, that's the only reason that I don't want to say it. Oh, my bad. I didn't know it hurt you guys.

How long ago did you retire? I don't know. A while ago. That's the only reason that I don't want to say it. Oh, my bad. How long ago did you retire? I don't know. A while ago. That's really progressive of you, though. Whenever I saw that. And then, no, because it took a while. I saw it, and I thought about it. And I'm like, yeah, that is like hateful word to them. And to me, it's not that way.

And I understand why people say it. Because when you want to disrespect a dude as much as you can, then you just say that. But you're not thinking you're gay. it just has a nice ring to it it just sounds like mean that's why people you know say it but yeah it sounds very dismissed i never said it to a gay dude ever i don't think no i never have either though yeah i know yeah louis ck had that great joke about it unless he was being a faggot yeah Yeah, yeah. He said something about, did you, all the people from Phoenix are Phoenicians? Shut up, you faggot. You know, that's...

Hey, you're not allowed to say it anymore. I'm just quoting Louis C.K. Oh, dude. Quoting one of the greats. You're just going to start quoting people all the time.

That's what I'm going to do. Like Louis C.K. said. This is how I'm going to keep saying faggot, by bringing up that I'm not saying it. Until the end of time. Well, you know,

there's always another time. Look, I'm not going to ignore topics. We're not going to pretend it's not real, ladies and gentlemen. All I'm saying is I'm not going to use it as a slander, as a slur. It's not a slander. You're going to be mad at somebody. You're going to be like,

if I didn't retire that word faggot right now, it would be a proper time to use that word. Yeah. if I didn't retire that word faggot right now Wonder if I can still say faggotry because that's not even the same word It's like saying nigger dly. Yeah, no, yeah, that's the tricky word. That's a stemming stingy There's no origins to it's not not at all. No, I know it's so weird the word Not related to the book. At all. At all. I know. It's so weird.

The word nigger. It's close. I said it. I said it. I don't give a fuck. I'm not calling anybody in it. That means. We're just admitting that it's real.

So you're more scared of gay people than white people. No. I'm not saying. I'm not calling anyone in. I'm just saying that it's a word. And sometimes when you're talking about the N word, it's more offensive to me to say the N word. Oh, Joe.

Here we go again. You silly bitch. What? Silly girl. we're going again with you you fucking terrible person did you call someone's mom a faggot oh i did not you called my mom a faggot bro and i know jason forgot about it jason t-ball he called his mom his mom's gay and he called his mom a faggot. Oh, really? Yeah, Brian did. He doesn't give a fuck. Look at him.

He's reckless. Whatever. Brian's doing stand-up. Why? Does she have a short haircut or something? No, she's a lesbian. She's a real lesbian. I know.

She's a real live lesbian and he's running around calling her a faggot. Why? Because that's Brian. That's how he rolls. He doesn't give a fuck. And the only reason I called your mom a faggot is that because she felt call my mom a faggot? Because she felt it was tight like an asshole What? She was tight like an asshole

Brian, man This is the worst showstopper you've ever thrown Why would you say that to Mayhem's mom? Dude, my mom downloads the podcast Does your mom download the podcast? Yeah Oh, bro Brian, what did you just do?, man? What did you just do?

You're going to have to go back and edit this. This is going to be the lost tapes. You're going to edit this a lot. Somebody tweet me the time here. My mom wakes up in like four hours, bro. Bro, how dare you, man? That is not cool at all.

Not cool, dude. Oh, whatever. And she's very sensitive about that. I'm sure that's a good thing. If she was sitting around, at least she didn't say I was sloppy, you know? I'm sure she probably is happy about that. But sitting around at least she didn't say he didn't say I was sloppy you know she probably is happy about you insinuating he fucked his mom I did not you didn't fuck my mom well

you I made she said you guys talked on Twitter huh my mom say you guys talked about how crazy is that LeBron James story for one of his one of his teammates was fucking his mom? Yeah, that's crazy. Do you know that story? Wow. One of LeBron's teammates was fucking his mom. Makes sense.

That's got to be rough, though. Wait, on what team? The Miami Heat? Yeah, whatever. No, the other one. Oh, yeah, in Cleveland? Cavaliers, yeah. There's not a lot to do up there in Cleveland.

So they just fuck people's moms? They fuck people's moms. This has got to be a lot ofaliers, yeah. There's not a lot to do up there in Cleveland. So they just fuck people's moms? Yeah. Fuck people's moms. This has got to be a lot of things ahead of fuck this guy's mom. I'm from Columbus. It's true. We just fuck each other's moms. Right. How happy are you when it gets to be like November, December?

I'm not kidding. Really? My mom is from Columbus, Ohio. That makes sense. That's where I met her. Perfect. Fucking Marysville. Perfect.

That's where I met her. Illyrian, you're not letting this go. This is horrible. So crazy. Man, my mom's going to be pissed watching this podcast. Yeah, man. Mrs. Mayhem, I'm sorry. Yeah.

For my friend Brian, most of what he says is just for comedic value. He doesn't really mean that. Dude, this whole thing is, you can't take anything seriously on this podcast. Please don't. I would like to kiss her in the buckeye. It's ridiculous. Please don't take anything I say ever, anywhere seriously. I know.

That's the problem I have. It's not worth it. That one takes so seriously. It's not worth it. It's too much of an investment. Right? I wouldn't take anything I said seriously. We're just saying silly things because it's fun.

Yeah. I mean, that's what the beauty of podcasts are, folks. You're getting a little window into a retarded conversation that mayhem and i would have probably had with or without you probably right fuck yeah that's one of the coolest things about doing this podcast is basically hanging out with your friends yeah except other people all throughout the world and i'll tell you man i've gotten all these fucking emails and i met all these people that tell me how they don't have anybody like these people they don't know, all these fucking emails, and I met all these people that tell me how they

don't have anybody like these people. They don't know anyone like you or like a lot of the guests that I have. They don't know these fucking people. They don't have anyone like this in their life. They don't have friends to talk to. They don't have people to talk to. But I listen to this thing three, four hours every week or so. You get all these weird different people become a part of your daily conversations

yeah this is like super hyper accelerating shit for some people you know from people that are living in in shitty places where they have you know poor conversations with people and they they long for someone who can you know bring challenging ideas to their head yeah you know yeah radio has always been like a format of like um like smart people i think or people who like you want to like well yeah communication you know you want to interact with communication yeah exactly i mean there's obviously a lot of bad shit like a lot of the right wing rah rah talk radio yeah but that's like you know that's for those people yeah you know what i mean like they want to rah people want something to rally against people want something to be a part of so if you're you know we all do

i do i always wanted to win a radio call-in contest i always wanted to hear my name on the radio when i was driving like somewhere dude you should totally host you should totally host some sort of a regular radio show what you could totally do something like that what jay host some sort of a regular radio show. MMA hour? Yeah. You want me to crank up a podcast? You could totally do something like for Sirius or something like that.

It's called blowing your speakers. You doing it just, yeah. You, an hour. I didn't even know. One time a week. Just throw it in one time a week. Do it for an hour. Are you offering me a job at Sirius right now?

I'm telling you, Brian can set up a podcast for you. He has a little podcast studio, Red Band Studios, in his house. He's rocking right now. And we did one with Tom Segura and his lovely wife the other day. He's done it with Ari and Jason. We have a new one coming up with Sam Tripoli. It's all about zombies. Really?

Yeah. Zombies? Yeah. Sam Tripoli's doing a zombie podcast? Yeah. Starting tomorrow at noon. What more can you say about zombies? I don't know.

It's going to be interesting. They're all pilots. They're all pilots. I predict by episode three, he'll just start calling people a zombie so he can talk shit about them. Yeah. George Bush, he's a zombie. See him on TV?

That fucking... It was kind of like that one I used to do with the podcats with Joey Diaz. It was all about cats. But like, hey, so let's talk about cat litter. Oh, anyways, you used to rape guys? You know? It had nothing to do with cats. You know. It was all about cats. But we were like, hey, so let's talk about cat litter. Oh, anyways, you used to rape guys? It had nothing to do with cats. I've never listened to Joey's podcast, but it's called Beauty and the Beast,

right? How is it? Yeah, it's pretty good. I like it. That girl has such a cute voice. I could listen to her all day. Does he get as worked up when he's with her? Does he get crazy and start yelling and shit? Sometimes, yeah. It's exactly what you expect Joey tears to be Jason I mean it's the potty you know who's a big fan of that is miss Miller miss

Miller used to really drive home you know you called her miss miss miss miss never that shit for a while yeah trying to to rock ms ms i don't you don't know what i don't even know what i don't even still that's one of those things i just haven't cared enough about to like learn the metric system yeah the metric system with this is the missus and the missers you know you don't i still don't know one for men mister i still you're like you're adding shit you're like the misser well there's something else you know you don't even think about voting right when voting comes around you know what do I give a fuck? No, I don't want fucking any court dates.

I don't want to get audited or any. I don't want to be in the system as much as possible. Did you just hear that the government just closed down like 80 websites the other day? Just pulled them off the internet. Well, weren't they selling a bunch of pirated shit? So? I mean, can you just overtake somebody that has, you know what torrents are, right? They're just like, they're not.

Was that what it is? It was torrents? Yeah, torrent websites. Some of them were also like piracy websites where people were selling counterfeit jewelry and shit like that. Maybe, but it's still kind of weird that they're allowed to just go bam, you know. I know what you're saying. It seems weird.

Well, obviously it is. Once they can start shutting down websites but if they're doing see it's the tricky thing like a lot of people you know you got to recognize that the courts have decided that torrents and downloading copyrighted material is uh is stealing you know i mean that's that's how they're looking at it so if the courts are if they've made decisions like that, and then you're going to run a website or some sort of a torrent site where you're going to get people access to a bunch of illegal shit, you've got to assume that eventually someone is going to shut you down, right? Right. Well, look at the Pirate Bay. I don't know if you saw that.

They just went back. They lost, right? They lost, and then they lost the rebuttal or whatever it's called. And now they're going to jail. And the website's still up, though. And it's like, wait. So some people are going to jail. Yeah, and then they just tore down all those ads. How do those guys make money?

How does something like that make money? Advertising, man. There's so much advertising on that website. It's ridiculous. And people pay just to have an ad there? Because nobody pays attention to those fucking ads. Right? When you go to a website, when's the last time you clicked an ad? Something has nobody pays attention to those fucking ads. Right. Right? When you go to a website,

when's the last time you clicked an ad? Something has to be absolutely fucking outstandingly interesting for me to click it. Yeah, but they're the kind that you just go there and it says, Congratulations! You won a gift card to the Olive Garden. Click here.

So it's crappy like websites. Yeah. So nobody like legitimate is going to... But they're paying them. They must be paying them mad loot, right? I don't know. In order for them to be fighting this like this? They're not? So you think they're just

fighting it just because they want freedom? They want to be able to just trade numbers? I don't know. That's all it is, really. I think that's the whole point of you know, you can't bust somebody for having you know, you can't bust somebody for stealing whatever, a Milli Vanilli CD

if you don't have the Milli Vanilli CD on something you're serving. You're just pointing it to all these different directions. I see what you're saying. It's like Torrance. Yeah, you're going right to the people. Yeah, yeah. Torrance are just using like you have a piece of a file on your computer. Somebody else has a piece of a file on their computer.

And all of this website, like Pirate Bay, is pointing like, hey, this is where to go to join this group. This is the hallway to walk down to steal all this stuff. Yeah, this is the hallway down there to walk down to this group. But it's coming from someone who already bought it, and they should be able to give it away. Is that what you're saying? No. No, I'm just saying-

Because someone somewhere had to attain a copy of it somehow. Oh, well, yeah. Absolutely. So either they bought it or they stole it. I'm saying what's scary about the Pirate Bay and what's scary about a lot of it. Oh, well, yeah, absolutely. So either they bought it or they stole it. I'm saying what's scary about the Pirate Bay and what's scary about a lot of these places, if they don't actually have files on their computer and they're getting arrested for things,

then what makes it stop then, you know, like you getting arrested because somebody put a torrent file on your form, even though it's not hosted on your computer. Right, but their whole entire purpose for existing on the Internet is to connect people with other people that have things available for download that are illegal. entire purpose for existing on the internet is to connect people with other people that have things available for download that are illegal.

Google has maps and it tells you where to go to murder people if you want to. That's a big leap though. It's not like Google's called Murder Google. It's like Google's advertising. Check if they got MurderGoogle.com. I want to start that.

I see what you're saying. i i see what you're saying i totally see what you're saying but i i also see like that you know they if if these company look for sure music companies have suffered big time because of the internet well yeah i think it's a change gonna shake it up like yeah eventually if shit is like for me clicking on itunes is so easy that i go okay i'll just click on itunes me too you know what i'm saying like i'll just buy it because and not because you know because i have a boatload of money because i would buy about the same amount of music as i do now but like if i was like super poor but like it's like so easy to do and i don't even want to steal this the only time i ever download something is when it's not available

for sale you know if i can buy it i buy it ever download something is when it's not available for sale. If I can buy it, I buy it. I buy everything. Or when it's not out yet. Yeah. It's just they're finding that equalized pressure. And I think that those torrent files, that's an awesome technology. They need to use that in legal ways.

You know what I mean? That's just how it is. Yeah. The whole issue is a very tricky issue because on one side you have to say well this you're stifling innovation by stopping all these people from doing all this stuff and by putting in the brakes on all these sites but the other side you go well wait a minute how the fuck are these people supposed to make money you can't just have something for free that i want to sell for 20 on amazon.com you could download it in 10 minutes what i'm saying is it's the same as, oh my God,

like CDs are going to make everybody, you know, writable CDs is going to ruin it for the music industry. No, they got to find an equal pressure where the money... Well, writable CDs did a little bit of a dent, but the big dent was done by the internet.

Yeah, of course. That's a... I mean, look, man, do you remember when there was like record stores? Yeah, but they want to rent them. Now it's so easy just to click. Life is getting better, but some people are going to suffer for sure.

I'm lucky. I live right across the street from a record store that does used records and regular records. So every time I want a CD, I just go there and spend $3.99 for a used CD. Whoa, what's the name of the store? Don't say it, because then people will know exactly where you live. Right. You live right across the street from it, Brian. I was testing you.

I've been to Amoeba. Amoeba Records is pretty dope. Amoeba's sweet. It's like some weird link to the past where you're holding a vinyl album. You're like, whoa, this is a disc. And you spin this and something scratches it. And how often do you buy a record? I'll never.

I'll buy a CD, though. I'll buy CDs still if I'm at some place. If I'm at Best Buy and I want to listen to something. Like we have a CD, though. I'll buy CDs still if I'm at someplace. If I'm at Best Buy and I want to listen to something. We have a rental car or something like that. But now that I have my phone or my iPod hooked up to my car. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

You have all your media in your hand. What I miss, though, is a real DJ. I miss DJs. What? What are you talking about? There's DJs? Personalities. Cool DJs. Oh, radio. Yeah, DJs. Hey, are you talking about? There's DJs Personalities Cool DJs Oh radio Yeah like Hey

It's Mayhem in the AM Yes That's what I'm talking Yeah Come on dude Yeah 96.7 We're getting wacky this morning

It's a big drive on the highway today I can see that Mayhem in the AM Mayhem in the AM I can see that radio show now You would have to get a black chick sidekick Yeah could see that radio show now you would have to get a black chick sidekick yeah you would have to get two the first one you're gonna fire she's just really you know and then the second one will know listen bitch you get crazy we're gonna fire you all right this

is the mayhem show right this is the natanya show oh man and so then wendy williams will be i'll be my sidekick i mean me and wendy williams shit about MMA. Yo, do you see the fight this weekend? And Wendy Williams will be like, no. That's so funny. Oh, whatever. And you're going to do traffic for me, right?

And then we got the traffic. We got the 101. Yeah, if I would have traffic, it would be like kittens would be falling from the sky in his videos. Right when you were tuning into the clouds,

it'd be some fucking flaming skull face that scares the shit out of you I had a little bit of blood on my toilet bowl seat When I got off it today Have you seen that video of that rat Attacking cats? Yeah

Wait is this a Brazilian jungle rat or something? It's some crazy rat I don't know where it was but there's this rat Running after these cats And one time bites this one cat And it's stuck to him the cat's running trying to shake the rat off this rat doesn't give a fuck yeah these cats are so confused well i mean they're domesticated house cats they're not fighting giant mega monster rats

that have been mutated by ooze and you realize when you see that how high rats can jump they jump up to bite those motherfuckers jump high they're like an athletic animal yeah they're pretty loked man we're lucky rats are little rats are big we'd be we really be fucked man i killed a rat once in my garage and i left it there because i was lazy that's why i lived in encino and uh it was a big fucking rat because i used to leave the garbage back there and i would hear like these in my garage like clang clang clang i would hear these loud my garage, like clang, clang, clang. I would hear these loud-ass noises. And I opened up my garage. I opened up the door, and I hit the light switch. And this fucking rat moved across my garbage.

And it was like attack size. Like it could attack me. Like this is a big, dangerous, threatening animal. I was looking at this like, holy fuck, that's a big rat. That's called a possum. It was big, dude. It was a rat. But it was big, man. It was like half the size of a cat.

How do you know it was a rat? Because I killed it. So I set up a trap. Got a rat trap, bro. It was big, dude. It was a rat. But it was big, man. It was like half the size of a cat. How do you know it was a rat? Because I killed it. So I set up a trap. Got a rat trap, set it up there, and I came back, and it was fucking big, man. Like big and fat and fucking. I'm like, this is eating all my garbage. I would have put that on JoeRogan.net if I were you. I fucked up.

This is before I even had JoeRogan.net. The trap was in his ass. If I had acted back then, I would have owned JoeRogan.com. But I was sleeping. That motherfucker. To me, he's one of my greatest losses. He's a real estate guy. Very nice guy from Boise, Idaho.

He wanted a shitload of money for it. He wanted like 80 grand, something crazy. I was like, what? I'm like, I can't give you that much money, man. I have.net. They can find it. Now with Google, if you want to find my website, you can find it. It's not that hard. I can't give you that much money, man. I have.net. They can find it. You know, now with Google, if you want to find my website, you can find it. It's not that hard.

I can't give you that much for fucking.com. Crazy asshole. I know, yeah. You're Joe Rogan. Give me some money. There's another guy that has an issue with that. Tom Green. Why?

Because there's another dude named Tom Green. You're on there tomorrow, by the way, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm doing Tom Green's. What time are you doing it? I don't know. It's a good question. Tom Green's podcast tomorrow at the Smod Castle.

I guess Kevin Smith has some sort of a whole podcast, like a studio set up. Oh, yeah? Just to do podcasts, yeah. Podcasts are fucking taking off. They are, man. They are. How about Mayhem in the A-Ham, a podcast? Mayhem in the A-Ham.

If you want to do it, man, we could set it up. We could do it at Brian's place. You can come to my house. You can't rape him, though, man. No rape. Promise. Who, Eric? You.

My Chris. You promised not to rape me. Chris over here, you can't scare him. His name's fucking Eric, bro. That's today. He used to be Chris, which is for the record. He changed his name? Brian first, but then Chris after he met you, and then Eric after today.

Yeah. I always can't remember your name yep because so you're red band i can't call you i i get a nickname on my head for somebody you don't think i'm eric i know you don't you're red band whatever you're just trying to play with my emotions dude you're like that fucking laugh this whole attitude you have towards life this uh i'm not scared to be around mountain lions and sharks why would you be man whatever i'm not saying look i'm not saying you're wrong i'm not saying you're wrong i think everybody's scared to be around i think you only think about it more though though. Me? Yeah, you're constantly thinking about it. I'm too aware. I just feel like I'll deal with that when it comes up.

I'm like, oh, right now I'm going to live my life, and then I see a fucking mountain lion while I'm mountain biking, which makes sense because they both have mountain in them. I would fucking deal with it then. It's a very weird thing when you lock eyes with a big predator, like a mountain lion in the wild you know i only locked eyes with the one that i saw i only locked eyes with it for a couple seconds but that's a that's a very weird moment when you saw it with your dog don't have a giant

dog well yeah my giant dog was inside oh yeah my little dog that was outside that got jacked my giant dog it stole it from you yeah my no no no my my mastiff was injured so he had injured his paw so i left him in the house yeah they want him running around up in the mountains because they would run all over the place up there just get you know they'd get a pack there's three of them together and they would have a good time just go run and play and that kept animals away but i have a bulldog and he's lazy and then this little dog which was a chihuahua pom excuse me pomeranian american eskimo mix and that one's the one that got jacked because he was out there wandering around basically by himself he's only 20 pounds and he doesn't have his 140 pound buddy to look

over his shoulders yeah and he doesn't have the bulldog because the bulldog is is you know would go with them if the two of them were going even though he's lazy he would go with them yeah so there was a lot of action there there was a pack they'd keep the animals away but something had been stalking my house for a while because the dogs would just go crazy they'd be on the porch you start barking at the top of their lungs and you know you'd hear things like snapping in the in the distance in the dark it's a trip man do i have to worry about i probably don't but i'm pretty pretty much i'm pretty sure i don't have to but if i was you crows uh cr Yes. Crows don't kill dogs, right? Did you not see the movie?

Well, I'm not talking about- Alfred Hitchcock? Brandon. Crows are ruthless. Crows are ruthless, right? Yeah, they'll kill your dog. There's this- They think they can?

There's this guy and this girl crow that just sit out and make these clicking noises, like the whole time. And then my dog will come out there and just be looking up at it. And then once in a while, the crow just swoops down. It doesn't attack it or anything, but it's kind of like he's just about to do it. Seeing if he can eat it. I left a steak outside. It was partially thawed and not totally thawed out, and I was going to barbecue.

So I left a steak outside for 10 minutes. I came back. There was two crows on it just jacking the steak. Just pulling out chunks of the meat and squawking. I do have to worry about crows. You can't leave your dog outside if that's what you mean. Dude, in Japan they have monster crows. Your dog's 3 pounds

and she's a whore. 3 pounds? She's a 3 pound whore. How come my dog's fucking the crows? Yeah, the crows are gangbanging your dog. You missed the story. He brought his dog to a party where a bunch of people had dogs, and they all took turns just gangbanging his dog. Some at the same time. All the dogs did?

Yeah, ten dogs. Three at once. What a slut. Man, I love her. Twixie. Sweet Twixie Vixie. My hot dog dog is gay for sure. Is he?

Oh, yeah. He had a little tiny two-pound dog like that that he was talking about. And he was not interested, but he had this little tight, athletic, muscular little dude dog. And he was just all over it, banging him, front headlock, banging him. Really? Yeah, I was like, what are you? All right. Like, wow, you're into dudes huh stop i guess i figure if i was just running around with just

like a collar on i would be you know whatever the the line is blurred at that point the line is blurry like you're you're running around in a color you're a wild animal you're like whatever if the female's in heat then it becomes very clear yeah that's what i mean he was sniffing at the coochie coo like quite a bit. He was like... My pit bull, he was in agony one night, like in serious, serious agony, where I thought he said something wrong with him. I'm like, he's got cancer or something.

This is crazy. He was whining and yiping, and I'd come near him. I'm like, what's up, buddy? You okay? And I'm like, whoa, this is crazy. My dog's fucked up. He'd go down the stairs, and he'd be lim like, limping as he was going down the stairs. And you jerked him off.

I feel real sad. I'm like, my dog's going to die. Something's wrong with my dog. I've got to get him to the vet. This is horrible. He's, like, whimpering. So I take him to the vet. The vet looks at me.

He starts checking out my dog's balls. Yeah. He's checking out his dick. And he's like, you see this? You see this right here? See how inflamed this is? Okay, there's a dog in your neighborhood that's in heat. And that's what's going on. I'm like, you see this? You see this right here? See how inflamed this is? Okay, there's a dog in your neighborhood that's in heat. And that's what's going on.

I'm like, whoa. Really? He's in agony from his hard-on. His dick was so swollen. It was so like the glands. Like here's the balls. And then there's these weird glands by the side of the dick that are just like. My dog has that sometimes.

Is your dog fixed? No. No, my dog isn't either. that sometimes. Is your dog fixed? No. No, my dog isn't either. Does he jerk your dog off? That's what I just said. I said he shouldn't jerk the dog off. They can't do anything. You can if you want to jerk your dog off.

I'm sure that'll help. Red Rocket. How many times are you going to do that in a row? It just depends. If I had to do it every, I don't know, couple weeks, I guess I could do that. I mean, he's a good friend. My friend Dimitri used to jerk off his dog.

I'm going to answer the phone. It's right there. Same person. Disrespectful fucks. They don't know we're on the podcast right now. Bullshit, man. You know what that tells me? That tells me they're not watching. They're not friends of yours. Same person keeps calling, man.

They don't follow you on Twitter. What the fuck? It's probably... It's over my feeling. Same person keeps calling, man. They don't follow you on Twitter. What the fuck? It's probably... It's over, folks. With that ring comes the end. That is the end of the show. There's no reason to keep going. No. It's 8.30, 8.30 p.m.

It is late. Oh, man. It's late as fuck. Whatever. Son, Mayhem Miller, you are always one of the most fascinating people to talk to thanks bro always a fun guy to be around Mayhem by the way

writes a really great article in Fight Magazine he's one of my favorite writers now I'm not bullshitting not just as a fighter and I told him very early on I'm like dude

you've got like real talent and I really hope you write a book someday because I think you could write some crazy Hunter S. Thompson shit his writing is really good thanks man

I mean it's the latest one you'll appreciate because I'm in could write some crazy Hunter S. Thompson shit. His writing is really good. Thanks, man. I mean, it's excellent. The latest one you'll appreciate because I'm in Rio de Janeiro. Oh, all right. And you're writing about your experiences because you were there for a couple weeks, right? Yeah, yeah. So I was out there for a while, so I did everything you could do. Well, tell me about that real quick before we take off. I don't know.

Because what is Rio like, man? Man. Is it scary? Is it scary? Read the article. It's awesome. I'm going to read the article. Give us a little taste. I really delved into? Is it scary? Read the article. It's awesome. I'm going to read the article. Give us a little taste.

I see the article. I'm here right now. Give me a little bit of a taste. That's like a whole new, I don't know, it's crazy. It was like the next level. I don't know. I always had my preconceived notions about Brazil due to movies and due to whatever the hell is going on. My friends, my Brazilian friends, the fighters,

what they tell me about it. I have a new found respect for that city, and I understand my Brazilian friends a little bit more now. Really? Yeah. So the article really, I can just see why they think that everything, like they have such passion for their for their country because everybody there has a lot of passion like it's like that like it's a passionate place like people

love to do stuff like people are good at things and like they really love it and it's the stuff that's dirty is supposed to be dirty like it's kind of dirty of course but it's supposed to be dirty what do you mean like you say dirty but in a bad way that sounds bad but it's like the streets are dirty everybody drives with like a vengeance like right they drive crazy yeah drive crazy but it's like seems skillful i saw less car wrecks there than i ever saw here in la well it's all what you get used to you know right you get used to that sort of hyper driving yeah everybody's used to it it's like exactly everybody just drives through i don't know man there's so much stuff fight magazine we'll have it man for the december and you gotta check it out check out the article did you see anything crazy while you're there any

violence anything nutty i mean i saw the favelas no we went to the favelas we went to a couple times to like yeah the ghetto like yeah we went to the favelas and i you know i write about that in this article too man but about going there and people are like collecting rainwater in these drums you know to you know drink yeah to drink they're poor and and they have like they they're tapping into the telephone poles to get electricity. Yeah, and, like, the streets are all jagged and people own that area. You know, like, the drug dealers own the favelas and stuff. But they have the boppies coming in, like, which are the Brazilian, like, kick-ass police force. They're, like, the police station that, you know, is right there in the middle of the thing, and everyone's running out.

It feels like a military presence instead of like an army, the ones that have taken over and been nice again. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. There's a big article, I think it was on CNN this morning about that, where there's tanks moving back in. Yeah, right now it's like a little bit of like some. Marcel Alonso, this journalist that I was out there with, he kind of told me that it's dying down right now. But there's like a lot of guys, the drug dealers doing crazy terrorist stuff right now in Rio.

It sucks that that's happening right now. I was in Sao Paulo in 2003. And a friend of mine went back in 2008, I believe it was, and he was arrested. There was so much violence between the police and the drug dealers that they were closing down streets and highways, and they were driving to a chujasqueria with some business clients, and everybody was pulled out of the car at gunpoint. They wanted to make sure they were in a nice car, and they didn't know who these people were you know they wanted to make sure they weren't they were in a nice car and they didn't know who these people were and they wanted to make sure they weren't drug dealers yeah they were just pulling people out and sticking guns in their faces yeah of course he said it was pretty fucking scary because they were killing

police officers families they would go to their family and just kill everyone really yeah they were doing it for a while man they were declaring war on on the police officers it was pretty it was pretty looked out no No way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brazil, you know, and the crazy thing about Brazil is,

you know, Brazil's a beautiful, insane, like tropical jungle country. Yeah. And the favelas where all like the, the chaos has taken place is above the regular city. I know.

Yeah. Rio, which is like the main cities in the bottom. Yeah. And then where the beautiful view is, that's all the projects. They have the richest, most beautiful view in the world. And they're living in cardboard houses and shit. Yeah, they put that stuff together on their own.

It's crazy. Yeah, but I can understand why people love the country. You know what I mean? I can understand why. It's definitely a passion-filled country, man. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, it's great, man. I don't know.

I had a great experience out there. It was just... Their economy is booming right now, too. Yeah, exactly. They have so much going on right now, and they also found oil off the coast of Brazil. So there's a lot of money in Brazil right now. Their economy's not fucked up like ours is.

It's moving in a better direction. They're talking about doing a UFC there eventually. That would be fascinating. But you talk to Vinny Magalhães. Yeah, Vinny. Yeah, baby Vinny. Sure, he was talking about, on the underground, he was talking about doing a UFC in Rio.

And he posted, I think it was him, who posted some link of some, no, somebody else posted the link of the formula one drivers formula one drivers were uh in some sao paulo and they they got fucking shot at in their armored car like they tried someone was trying to carjack them they were in armored cars what yeah man they're trying to kidnap them damn yeah kidnap them or just rob them. Rob them at gunpoint, hoping they can get some watches or something. Ooh, crazy. Yeah. A buddy of mine was there, and he was with a friend of his that was doing something.

He had a pocket full of money in his lap, and he was looking through it and trying to fish through it. And as he was doing this, a guy came up in a motorcycle, looked at his gun or looked at his money, pulled out a gun, tapped on the windshield, you know, told the guy to pull over. And they just robbed him. They robbed everybody. Stuck a gun in their face and just took everybody. And he said the guy would just drive around looking in people's cars to see if they had nice watches or what they had that looked cool. And they would just steal it. Man.

Yeah. You might be in the wrong place at the wrong time, son. That's me, bro. me bro the voice of doom dude you are you're the most bumming me out guy on earth right now like i'm not like joe rogan is scared of the world it's not i'm just aware i'm not scared yeah you just pay attention don't get jacked but you know as a person who's constantly thinking about shit i always have to be aware aware of all the variables you know you think too much, bro. You think so? I think you think a lot.

You think so, too? I think you think deep into some things you don't need to think that deep into. I can't help it, though. It's probably a sickness. It's a sickness that manifests itself as an excellent career. You know? The sickness of constantly thinking about shit and breaking things down to the finest minutia. That's true.

Isn't that OCD, though, or something like that? Something probably like that. That's awesome. Makes sense. The hard thing with me is just finding the right things to break down, things that are productive to tune my energy to. Because you can easily get lost. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Masturbation or online arguments or video games. You can get lost in a bunch of unhealthy channels. or video games, or you can get lost in a bunch of unhealthy channels. Hopefully you got some good stuff, though, that you OCD about, like butthole tidiness and trimming and stuff like that. The show was going to end, and it was going to be fine right there. And you had to come in, Brian. No, man.

He wants to talk about your butthole. He's all about buttholes. I told you, bro. One million. One million. One million dollars. And no less. And I don't need that million bucks. I'll tell you that right now.

I would like it. I'd like it. But if I don't get it, I'll be okay. God damn it. Jason Mayhem Miller. That was a good time. Yeah, it was always a good time with you, my friend. Mayhem Miller at Twitter.

I'm so hungry right now. Twitter.com. Okay, cool. I got another coconut juice for you, fella. Yeah! Yeah! Brian's Twitter is RedBam We want to thank the Fleshlight for sponsoring the podcast And again, if you would like to feel

What it feels like to masturbate Into one of those fine, sweet bitches All you have to do is go to JoeRogan.net And click that Fleshlight link And you get 15% off when you put in the code name What is it? Rogan Very simple

The tickets for the New Year's Eve show when you put in the code name. What is it? Rogan. Rogan. Very simple. The tickets for the New Year's Eve show at Mandalay Bay will go up very shortly. We should have all that done within a couple of days. And as soon as I get it done, I'll let you guys know. And we might be doing one more podcast this week. We're going to try to get Ralphie May in here on Wednesday. Oh, I just hung out with Ralphie May. He's awesome. If Ralphie's got the time off, we've got to talk to him.

All right, bitches, I love you. And I'll see you soon somewhere. Maybe not even see you, but I'll be there. And you'll be there, too. And let's pretend we're all in the same place. What? Is this Ice-T? Is this Ice-T saying suck my dick?

No. Yeah, it is. Sounds like it. This sounds like a black guy, but not too black. Yeah, he's a cool guy. Not like Africa black. You know, he's not like Czech Congo black. You know what I'm saying?

He's light-skinned. He's light-skinned. He might even rock an afro just to try to accentuate his more African side. Yeah, but he has braids in the summer yeah because if he had a shaved head you might think he was an arab or something right yeah maybe yeah light skinning probably like yellow maybe even got a little bit of like white features which is why he's got such an extra aggressive attitude yeah he's trying to like accentuate himself up let you know you know you're right here here? You're racist. Here, here.

That's not racist, bro. This is observant. See, I break it all down. I know. You're just kidding, bro. All right, folks. Most likely we'll be back on Wednesday. I'm doing the Tom Green thing tomorrow.

I don't have any details. That's Tom Green's thing. You can follow him on Twitter. I think it's Tom Green Live. That's it, bitches. I love you. And I'll see you next week. Or sometime soon soon or Wednesday.ご視聴ありがとうございました