The Joe Rogan Experience - #6 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: January 28, 2010

Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

H&M H&M H&M H&M H&M H&M H&M H&M

H&M H&M H&M H&M H&M H&M I like this. So we can just put that music on. Let's do it. Right now.

Right now, Brian. Let's make it happen. Here we go. We're here. Ladies and gentlemen, we're live. We've done it faster this time than ever. We're getting. Ladies and gentlemen, we're live. We've done it faster this time than ever. We're getting better at it. Less fuck-ups, less hiccups.

Live from the compound. We started a little bit late today, but it was all my fault. Brian was rocked and locked and loaded this time. I just fucked up. I was tired because I had to do the Kevin and Bean show this morning and I had to get up early because I have to leave my house is kind of far from them what the fuck people what's going down bitches Happy New Year Brian is all in a tizzy about the goddamn iPad and me I twittered that I don't need an iPad because I'm a fucking man and I can carry a goddamn

Backpack with a laptop and I don't complain like a little bitch and this seems like it's got less shit than a laptop And if you're gonna go like on an airplane or something somewhere you want a fucking laptop You want to be able to get on the computer? You want to be able to send someone a real goddamn email and attach something to it and send a real link easy, copy and paste, old school. You don't want some nutty fucking finger things. You have to shut up. I want a fucking laptop, and it's not heavy. I can take this goddamn thing anywhere.

They're so small now. I mean, they're thin and they're light. This is the 17-inch MacBook. This thing is not heavy. You put it in a backpack. You're fine. I don't need a fucking iPad, Brian. Well, see, I think that's the problem with...

Can everyone hear us okay before we start getting really into it? Yeah, is the microphone back? We are not a well-polished machine, ladies and gentlemen. No. Okay, where's the broadcaster? Does anybody have a hard time? Here, I'll see if... I'll see if we can hear ourselves.

If this was like real TV, we'd be fine. I'll see if we can hear ourselves. Are we on TV? I'll see if we can hear ourselves. Yeah, we're good, dude. We'll see if we can hear ourselves. Yeah, we're good. Okay.

So here's the thing about the whole tablet. Now, the problem with the whole thing is that Steve Jobs pretty much just bashed netbooks at the beginning of the thing. So it really set a nerve with a lot of people, meaning people are like, what? Netbook's better. So he did this in his speech? In his speech. I'm not that much of a fanboy. I'm not going to sit and watch you strut around and talk about your fucking computer.

I enjoy your stuff. I think your iPhone is a goddamn work of art. Amazing. If Verizon had it, it would be the greatest phone in the history of the universe. But I can't use it as a phone. I use it to me. I carry two phones. I carry a BlackBerry and Verizon.

That's a fucking phone. I can call people. It sucks. It's a terrible phone. It's like a drunk iPhone. When you compare the two of them together there's no comparison like sometimes like i say if i call you and i have a little picture for your face when i call you and i go to call somebody else when i start calling somebody else your picture will show up and then it'll change so it's like like

the things like oh my god it's like it's dumb it's a dumb phone it's like it things like, oh, who am I calling? It's like it's dumb. It's a dumb phone. It's like it does what you want to, but it takes like a couple extra seconds and it stumbles. The Storm 2. Yeah, the Storm 2. Yeah. The screen is awesome. It's a nice big-ass screen, and I like that. And the touchscreen is not too bad.

It's pretty easy to type. Even this way in landscape mode, it's good. It's like it's good. It's weird. It gives you a little feedback, which really isn't necessary, but it's not bad. And as a phone, it's great. But compared to the iPhone,

just getting on the web is just like you're doing it in an old wooden car. It's just so clunky and stupid. And Zoom, okay, scroll this way. Oh, come on, really? Well, so what you're saying is the best part about the iPhone is probably internet, and the worst part is awesome. The worst part is AT&T. The phone.

Clearly. I don't mind making calls on it. Making calls on it is badass. Just the phone quality. AT&T is just terrible. It might be better in somebody's town if they've got more AT&T towers, more GSM towers. So they took the the the best part of the iPhone and made it a little bit bigger yeah and they got rid

of like what no camera what the fuck well here's the whole thing about this what I'm thinking now is I'm thinking alright I like my iPhone but I only use it because I once in a while I want something small to surf the net and do basic shit with alright listen to this say you're in a Starbucks and some dude comes in and starts spraying the place. Right. Okay? And you want to be taking video.

Right. And you're on your little iPad thinking you're a genius, sipping on your lots of... But you have two cameras. You don't have shit. You're not me. You're just a regular dude who just has an iPad. You have your digital camera. You just have an iPad and a Blackberry because he's not sold on Apple.

Blackberry's a video. camera. He just has an iPad and a Blackberry because he's not sold on Apple. Blackberry has a video? He's online right there and he wants to get online with his iPad and take video and stream it to you streaming this happening and he can't do it because the iPad's a piece of shit. It doesn't have a camera.

Now one of the things that he said in his speech That's logic! You can't argue with that! Here's my argument. He said during the speech that it has a port that is going to have accessories to open it up to the universe of accessories. That's all well and good. Imagine having a nice HD camera

hooked up to the bottom of it. You just happen to be streaming through Starbucks like a fucking creep. You can't even do it on the DL. Everybody's going to know. You're going to be out there scanning people with your little webcam. What if it snapped on the front? So you're on a webcam at Starbucks? Here, buddy, I'm at Starbucks. Well, now, here's the thing.

It's lame enough to have a laptop at Starbucks. It has a thing that it already has attachments for, like, a card reader. Next week, we're going to be at Starbucks. No, we're going to be at the Coffee Bean. No, but that's what I'm saying. It doesn't have a camera, but yet it has an attachment that he said will have accessories, like microphones

and cameras and card readers. Put a camera on the fucking thing, bitch. You want it to be super special? You want it to be the bomb? I think they're trying to keep it down, price-wise, under $500. Because here's the thing, if you're going to buy a book reader right now, you're on Amazon.com, you're looking at the Kindle, the big Kindle, that's $10 cheaper

than this thing. That makes a lot of sense, actually. And it's backlit yeah I have a Sony e-reader but it's I read in bed so when my girlfriend's sleeping I want to read I can't I have to have a light on and it can't even just be a dim light it has to be a bright light for me to read it so now I got a little clip on sucker yeah yeah yeah right and you get person that sleep right next to you right especially if you got a kindle like with a leather cover right you put

the light here bang yeah you can read right next to them so this thing would be great for you know that right there married dudes talking you can read right next to them when i was single i'd be like well i guess you can't fucking sleep right you know oh i can't sleep while you're reading a book well maybe the couch would be a better place for you to sleep totally what the fuck are you talking about? Totally. So that's like $10 more. Wouldn't you get that if you didn't have one already? If you were getting a book reader, would you get $10 more?

Would you pay for the iTablet? That's the best argument I've ever heard. If I had to choose between the Kindle and the iPad, I would for sure take the iPad. And now the argument on the other side is... $10? Yeah, the argument on the other side is e-ink is less stressful on the eyes. But here's what I'm thinking. Is that true? It might be something to sell, that technology.

But here's what I'm thinking. I'm on the computer 11 hours a day, 10 hours a day. I'm doing 99% reading. And I've never gone, oh, this hurts my face. No, but I have noticed that I think, well, it could be also because I'm getting older, but my eyesight is not as good. Oh, yeah, mine too. Like reading, like say if I have to read a vitamin bottle, it tells me also because I'm getting older, but my eyesight is not as good. My eyesight, like reading, say if I have to read a vitamin bottle

that tells me how many it's supposed to take. I struggle with that shit. I have to try to focus. It's not what it used to be. So I don't read more than an hour, two hours of my e-book anyways a day. And so I'm thinking, if I'm on the computer 12 hours already a day, and I use two hours

of that, I don't think it's going to work. Edward Cot Flappo says, Everything Apple makes is perfect. Steve Jobs is God, and Bill Gates is a Nazi. Wow. That's obviously not him. Those are strong words. Those are strong words.

Do you think that's the real Flappo? Mm-hmm. The real Flappo is one of the craziest characters on the internet. He's this nutty dude from England who likes to get fucked up all day. And he's got a lot of money, so he doesn't have to work. So the dude just gets online and just trolls people and fucks with them all day. He's really hilarious. He's crazy. You can find him at your website, JoeRogan.net, on the forums.

Just look for Flappo. And he just picks fights with people. He finds them and he just insults them over and over again. And everybody's like, this guy's an asshole. This guy's an asshole. And yeah, but there's something about it that's so endearing. I mean, he's really doing it for entertainment.

He's a character. He's like an internet character that's like running through this show we're doing. And the show is the website, the forums. And he's like this character. He's like one of the, like there's this insane. He won't meet us either. Won't meet us.

He's kind of a shut-in, but I understand that. You know, I mean, if you're some crazy dude who just stays on the internet all day. I wouldn't even care what he looks like. I mean, he could be totally trolling with his whole story. I don't care. I just think he's an interesting dude. It'd be nice to say hi.

But he doesn't want us to take pictures of him put online is that everybody will have evidence right now they'll have weapons and ammunition to go against him in this internet war but they're supposedly one picture of him yeah but who the fuck know if you think that's really did not at the rate of a very busy smiling and everything and it's just what we've never met anybody how do we know you know right into the echo it could be a point for a row to do what your ex-girlfriend's is now and it's just Yeah, but he's never met anybody. How do we know? Right, it could be a boyfriend.

It could be a girl. It could be one of your ex-girlfriends. It's vicious. Who the hell knows? Yeah. We have no idea it's a guy. No idea. That's the best thing about the internet, though.

The best is meeting people that are cool. Yeah. I have so many friends. You are one of them I met on the internet. But there's so many people that we've met from your message board and other places. It seems like a crazy thing to say. Yeah. It seems like you're an idiot. What are you doing? Meeting fucking some people from your message board and other places. It seems like a crazy thing to say. It seems like you're an idiot.

What are you doing? Meeting fucking some people from your message board? But the bottom line is, for real, you're meeting people all over the country anyway when you're doing stand-up. What difference does it make if you meet them online first? Wouldn't that be smarter? The only way to interact with people is...

I mean, the Internet is the greatest for that there's people that could never have relationships that didn't have any friends that had nothing going on in their real life but they developed whole internet worlds man Quake player buddies of mine when I was seriously addicted to playing Quake

there's dudes that lived their whole life on the internet and that's where all their friendships came from. And you get to know people like that. And, you know, it's a little more... It sounds crazy when I'm saying that you meet people from the internet, but it's really probably pretty intelligent. Like, girls that, like, use dating sites,

they used to be thought of as losers. You know, you'd hear about, like, oh, her sister, she's on fucking Match.com or whatever the fuck it is. Like, oh, poor girl. What the fuck? Then you think about being a chick. All the fucking scumbags out there.

Wouldn't you want to like listen to them talk for a while first? Like see what nutty shit they want to say in their email. See how they say you're and you're. Do you use that apostrophe, you fucking cretin? You cave person? You know what I mean? It's funny those dating sites. How many different ones there are.

Like J-Date is for Jewish people. They have one for people that just have herpes. I forget the name of it. They have one for anything you could possibly want. All girls who suck Magic Johnson's dick. Right. That's funny. That was funny.

That was funny. Hey, listen to this guy. This guy says, Joe, ever heard about reverse speech? Everything you say says something in reverse. Now, ordinarily, I would say that's retarded bullshit, but I smoked some marijuana right before we did this broadcast, and I'm like, like man who the hell

knows maybe maybe we just don't know that in language you can reverse it and it can show true intention is that possible by the way your intonations and no i mean i don't think it is but maybe it is what the fuck do i know well you know things that are possible are so nutty you know why why do you think that i mean that could be just some weird side effect of speech. That when you reverse things, it says the opposite of what the person, or what the person really means is possible shit. Who the fuck knows? The world is so nutty as it is, the fact that we're on this sphere that hovers around this gigantic nuclear explosion. And it flies through the galaxy.

But everybody wants to talk about the cast of jersey shore renegotiating their deal i mean that's like the number one conversation and or how many you know how many more millions they're going to give conan o'brien at fox or you know how many more chicks at tiger woods fuck is his wife going to get back together with him it's like we get so caught up in nonsense and i've been trying to figure that out more and more as i get older like what it is because it's not just i say you know people i say we i get caught up in that stupid shit too i was wondering what was going to happen to john when he left kate because he wasn't making any money anymore and all of a sudden he has to pay mad alimony you know because i think they probably negotiated that shit when he was on a

show and he's making good money right but they kicked him off that show and then they're gonna sue him and he was a poor dude you know I mean he just fell apart in front of the whole world first he fell apart in front of whole world because he was married to that chick who was just treating him like shit like it would you watch that show him like wow that bitch is harsh but then you realize god damn did you imagine having eight kids with that weak dude that guy's such a bitch that you would be like oh i can't count on this motherfucker come on get up you have to work come on just lazy and soft and dull-minded but he got

on tv and when he got on tv i think just start saying, you shouldn't take that from him. She's a bitch. She doesn't appreciate you. I see you on that show. I think you're so hot. I think you're so cool. Next thing you know, he's in there. Oh, shit, I'm hot and cool.

Oh, shit. He didn't realize that he himself had been tricked by fame. It's just like those poor girls that fucked him. That's how powerful fame is. Fame tricks even the person that has the fame. The worst that tea like tequila girl oh she's the best every time I hear about her everything I hear about I just get sick to my stomach I'm just waiting to sell her baby right now listen that's all just to get you to pay attention she's crafty little little wench yeah she's gonna do a porn I would imagine I think she already has I

remember having it's amazing when they like just totally like orchestrate sex tapes you know like is there any doubt that the Kim Kardashian sex tape have you ever watched it yeah yeah there's different cameras yeah I mean at one point in time is it really different yes there's different angles I knew it was edited I thought that the company did it, the production company. And she keeps her bra on, which is very disturbing. Let them titties free. Let them titties free.

You don't like the way they look? Oh, come on. Just let them free. She probably doesn't like her nipples. She looks like she's probably got some big ones. What do you think? You got a guess? Oh, definitely.

There must be pictures. Hawaiian punch can nipples. Is there pictures of her nipples out there somewhere? There has to be. I didn't watch her whole video. I didn't watch a few seconds. I just skipped right to the part. I don't take much time to beat off.

And I have a very hard time beating off to black eyes fucking white girls. Because I don't feel like that's me. I don't feel like that. You know what I'm saying? How much fantasy can I have? Oh, yeah. Suck my black dick. What?

You know, that's not me. I just beat off in front of my new kitten for the first time today. Nice. Today. Like, how much in front of him? Like, how far away? Well, I was beating off, and the cat jumped right up on my laptop. And I'm like, oh, well, I guess you're going to see it eventually.

So there it is. Like, do you? It's like, I really hope my grandparents... You find out later that your ancestors come back as animals or something. They can watch you. What are you doing? As long as they can't talk. Deal with it, bitch.

As long as you can't talk. Remember Joey's joke about checking off in front of the cat? He's about to come and the cat's doing this. Move, gato! Move, gato! for the cat and about to come and the cat's doing this move got the whole boom oh it's weird how like cats used to be worshipped back in the days yeah what do you think that's home and what if there's something to a cat that we just don't know and was lost in transition you know like no one ever wrote it down like oh by the way if you look at the cat's eyes every day at midnight you can talk to we know what trips me out about like egyptians worshiping cats it's like they were so good at making things like how i

wonder what they were really like because we don't really have any idea about their culture like translating their language over to english it's all so tricky and the hieroglyphs and you know they don't really know how far back their their history goes because there's like like john anthony west that guy thinks that their history goes back like 30,000 years. And he even has hieroglyphs that prove it. But they were so smart when it came to constructing things. I wonder what they were like socially. Yeah, just like sitting around talking to them?

Yeah. It's really kind of crazy when you think about what those people pulled off. You know, it's really kind of crazy when you think about what those people pulled off. And that was like supposedly 22,500 years before Christ, before zero. That's incredible. And they were worshiping cats. Like maybe they know something. Yeah, there's something with cats. How fucking smart were they?

I mean, I would like to know how smart they were. Maybe they were just completely retarded and just didn't really know how to build things. And they were just, eh. Right. And that's why their culture just sucked. But I don't think so because people like, I think, Socrates and, no, Herodotus. Herodotus went over from, uh-oh. Oh.

What? Spaz. No, there's the, there's the, uh. There's the, yeah. That, right? Just charged in here. Well, this cat is very emotional, man. Sometimes...

Come here, Spaz. Yeah. She would get mad because we got another cat. Yeah. And she started peeing on shit. Speaking of the other cat just walks in right when you said that. Oliver, come here, buddy. Oliver's cool.

I like him. He's a cool little dude. I like cats. You know why I like cats? Because I'm not starving to death. That's why I don't understand, like, when people are living in Egypt, I mean, how fucking smart were they? They must have had a pretty sophisticated culture

because they were really into keeping animals as pets and feeding them. They're not going to get any. Dogs are going to protect your house. Cats ain't doing shit. You rub them, that's all you get. You get, I purr, and I like you rubbing me. Right. That's all it is.

So they were smart enough to build pyramids, but yet they worshipped cats. Yeah. Because there's something to the cat that we don't know about. Spaz, is there something to cats? You ever see a cat when the light hits their eyes in a certain way and it looks like a hologram or something going on in their eyes? That shit's weird. Well, their eyesight is insane.

Their eyesight is some insane amount better than ours. Is it? Oh, yeah. Their eyesight is eyesight is incredible oh and it's dark and their vision is incredible and their hearing is incredible that cat hears everything yeah she'll hear shit like that her like she'll be sleeping and you'll see her all curled up and then i'll move something in the room you see her little ear just go you know it's like they're they're tuning in to like specific locations where mice are trying to sneak by, you know, that they got this killer. Fuck it. It's really weird to see because the bottom line is she only respects me and loves me and everything. First of all, because I feed her and pet her, but also because I'm so much bigger than her.

Because if I was smaller than her, she would fuck me up. Cats don't give a fuck about little things. You can't keep a pet gerbil around your cat they don't have that agreement you can train a dog to not kill a gerbil you cannot train a cat no you can't do it yeah you leave that gerbil around that cat is gonna fuck that thing up it's crazy they cannot avoid it they love it they love killing things man yeah when i was when i was growing up when i was a kid, we had a big-ass black tomcat. And he used to kill squirrels.

And he used to kill squirrels. We lived right across the street from this river. And there was like this whole, a lot of wooded areas, like many, many acres. And so there was a lot of animals around there.

And these fucking squirrels would be all over this tree. And this cat would just creep through the grass. He's a fucking monster. And he'd pause and hover. And I would watch him from the window across the street from our house. Dude, it was like National Geographic.

He fucking chases him. And the squirrel's trying to leave. And he'd pounce on their back and get their back and sink their teeth into the neck and drag this thing in between his legs. That was what was really crazy. He had this squirrel's body, which was almost as big as him. It was pretty fucking big, like half the size of his body.

And he's dragging it in between his legs and taking the squirrel across the street to our house. I was like, how nutty is that? What if I went out and killed a dog? What if I went out and killed a dog with a knife in front of you? Wouldn't you, like, look at me different? Right.

Wouldn't you be like, bro, what the fuck did you just do? Right, right, right. But, you know, he came in. I'm like, what's up, little buddy? They're proud of him. I'm, like, rubbing his head Right. Wouldn't you be like, bro, what the fuck did you just do? Right, right, right. But he came in and I'm like, what's up, little buddy? They're proud of you. I'm like rubbing his head. What's up, little buddy? What do you got? I saw you got a squirrel, huh? I didn't feel bad.

He murdered this poor little animal. This squirrel probably had a little squirrel family, a little squirrel mother. He's not even hungry. I feed his fat ass every day. He would come and I would give him a fucking little cat food. He would be fine. Maybe that squirrel was trying to help you too, like Ricky Ticky Timbo. Remember that old story where he's trying to save the family from the snake? Maybe the squirrel was trying to help you out. I like squirrels, man.

I think squirrels are cool little animals. But I discriminate when it comes to rodents. Squirrels, they make the grade. I never feel bad when I see them. But if I see a rat that's close, a rat that is that close like say if you're sitting with your kid at the park and there's a tree and the tree is literally right there and the tree's got a squirrel like oh look at the squirrel he's right there but if that was a rat you're like oh get the fucking back the rat's there it's a rat get a fucking stick get a rat get out you you start freaking out right yelling shit fuck you the fuck out of here. Fucking rat.

I'm scared of rats, dude. Rats are that big, and I'm scared of them. In Jersey, they'll come at you. You've got to be careful. They'll bite your ass, man. I got came after by a skunk last week. And the skunk charged me and the dog. And of course, my dog's just like, kill, kill, kill.

Won't listen to me, but doesn't know it's going to spray him. And then that's going to be like five hours of my time of trying to use vinegar and shit. Imagine what that smells like to a dog. Because dogs have these insane sense of smells. I wonder if they like it or not. Oh, my God. Of course they don't like it. That would be funny if they did. That would be like an animal that's trying to commit suicide.

Yeah. You know, if that was the evolutionary thing, the dogs loved it. You'd spray your shit, the dogs liked it. They'd want you to spray it, so they'd want to kill you all the time. It's like cat with catnip. Why does catnip not work on any other animal? These guys are weird. Look at this guy.

Joe, what's your favorite way to smoke? Some people get nutty about it. Just smoke your weed, people. There's a certain group of people that follow you that are so burnt out that they just like maybe he's young to the game health wise the vaporizer

is certainly your best bet bongs are nice I like a bong I like glass anything Brian doesn't give a fuck it goes right to the galactic dick joints are good because you only have to light it once. But really, if you want to do it the healthiest

way, a vaporizer is the way to go. And don't think that eating it is just as healthy. People think that eating pot is just as healthy. It is. I mean, it's not going to kill you, but it will freak you out. And one of the reasons why it freaks you out is because it produces this thing called 11-hydroxy. It's a metabolite that your liver produces when you eat marijuana. And apparently it's not psychoactive when you smoke it. So you don't get the same effect. But when you eat marijuana, it becomes like four times more psychoactive than if you smoke it. So if you have like a lot of weed and you make brownies with them, that's the problem with these things.

You eat a brownie and you're like, what the fuck? you can't believe how much weed is in it you have to sit down it's because as it's going through your system it's creating this 11 hydroxy metabolite which i like and one of the reasons why i like it is because it's it makes me very self-critical it makes me examine all sorts of things about myself. If there's anything about myself that I don't like, if I'm being lazy, if I'm being a douchebag, if I'm being short with people, if I'm not focused on what I really should be focused on in my life, anything that might be bugging me, my subconscious mind,

this 11-hydroxy makes you think about it in depth. And it can really freak people out. If you've got some shit that you're pushing in the back of your head you know it's like what people call i was paranoid i was paranoid i think what paranoia is is people that when you get high on marijuana i think what paranoia is people who just are there they're getting too much information for them to manage and they haven't done such a good job of managing their consciousness in the first place and so when this stuff is hitting them what's's happening is it's overload, and they can't control it, and they freak out,

and they say, I can't smoke weed. It gets me paranoid. But I think it's more indicative of this, you don't really know how you feel about yourself. You don't really know how you feel about life. You're looking at life through barriers because you're trying to not see everything because you're trying to focus on one particular thing with your life or trying to get

your shit together and you don't realize how many things about your life really are freaking you out and bothering you until you smoke pot and pot just makes you examine them you know we as people we like to avoid shit that bugs us it's like when people like overeat to get over some childhood molestation, they don't even fucking realize what they're doing. They're just distracting themselves with something else. I think we do shit like that all the time. Don't you think?

I kind of lost you in there halfway there. I lost you. We're talking about, listen, be careful with your weed. That's all I'm saying. Being paranoid is a good thing. It's for real. It is. I mean mean the experience of being paranoid when you smoke weed it's to get you to look at yourself it's to get you to look at life it's you're not you don't you're not looking at it all as clearly as you could and those jolts of perception you misinterpret as paranoia like

what you're doing is just dealing with the information that's already been there. Just the fact that you're this fleshy, temporary, soft, mushy creature that is literally connected with nothing above your head except gases and air and then fucking space. And above that, there's asteroids and planets and fucking giant nuclear explosions and suns and it's all right there and you're just this thing that doesn't exactly know what it's doing and it's kind of like

going along with the flow of everybody else and sitting in traffic like everybody else hoping that someone of us is like guiding this thing but they're not no one's guiding shit and that is if you're not thinking about that if you don't you haven't addressed that as a human being and you start eating fucking pot brownies, that shit will pull up you over the head. You'll freak out. You'll, you'll be scared. You'll, you'll curl into a fetal position. You know, light, what life really is, is frightening to people. And marijuana will expose the fuck out of that.

Expose what it really is. You know, this is not a goddamn movie. That's the problem. We are living life like it is a movie. Because we're fucking, we really are programmed by culture. I think, I mean, I love movies. Don't get me wrong. I love CDs.

I love songs. I love all forms of expression. All entertaining forms of expression. Except dance. Dance like musicals. That doesn't mean shit to me. When I see choreographed dancing, I'm like, oh, you're moving together? Yeah, it's probably hard to do.

You don't like musical movies at all? South Park. South Park musicals? Yeah. Yeah, that was a beautiful, beautiful musical. Yeah, it was beautiful. I need to make a new South Park movie. What the fuck

it's except Canadians must have been very pissed right they're always pissed right now gingers are pissed have you seen that

ginger video no is that when people are beating up redheaded kids well no this kid he's a redheaded that's fucked up man this kid is a redheaded

where did that come from South Park that's crazy that's sad because there's an episode where like gingers were like what's crazy that's that that because there's an episode where like gingers were like right some some kid like right they're mimicking south part was like hit a ginger day and kids were hitting them all day right they're mimicking software well i mean that's nothing new

when you're in high school right they're looking for an excuse to beat the fuck out of right right so the video is this this redheaded guy that gives like a speech for four minutes and it's kind of like leave britney alone style and it's just it's you don't want you he brings up god and religion through it and stuff and it's just you sit there like terrified of this guy not bad for him i was just terrified of him you got to watch it and maybe i'll set a break or something yeah he's fucking up the whole cause yeah for all the redheads the redheads that want. Crazy bitch. That's the problem is by the time you're out there looking for love, you're probably so goddamn damaged.

Yes. Most of us are fucking damaged, right? I mean, if you had to guess what amount of people are still working on issues from a childhood, it's a hundred. It's a hundred. Yeah, it's not even really damage. It's just that's what happens, you know? Well, it's also you have to reprogram like the way you look at the world.

You know, you look at the world a certain way because you think, you know, that's how you were taught by your parents. And, you know, when you're like in your teen years, you start having to restructure things. Your teen years, you start looking at things like they don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. They're talking crazy shit. And you realize, God damn it, my parents are just some fucking people. Just like all the other idiots that I meet all day. They just fucked. They're no different than my idiot friends.

They're no different than my idiot teachers. They just fucked. They fucked and they made me. And suck shit. And so those teenage years when you're trying to reformulate the view, that's when it starts. And it continues through your whole life. You know? Do you think that you would be the same dude, though, if you had, like, a...

Oh, I don't want to watch that, man. No, I'm just kidding. Change yourself's holes. I don't want to watch that. Do you think you would be the same dude if you had a perfect childhood? No, I think it's just, like, your whole theory about, like, you are how you lived. You know, everyone starts off the same person, pretty much. And just every single little thing kind of builds to it i kind of believe

that you know it's like if you roll down the hill you're gonna in a mud you're gonna look different than the person next to you yeah that's why people really have to have compassion because you know if you if we really are all the same thing this is my theory if you haven't heard it before and i had this when i was i ate some pot and i was on a boat in Hawaii. And I was on this boat and we were fishing and there was dolphins that were next to the boat. The dolphins were playing with us. They would get by the boat and they would jump up in the air and we would go, whoa! And every time they'd jump up in the air, we'd go, what's up, what's up, what's up, dolphin? And when we would do that, they would get excited.

And so they were like showing off. They were like communicating with us. I was like, God damn, they're so conscious. And I started thinking about it like they're responding to us. I'm like, I wonder what life must be like, what consciousness must be like for the dolphin. And I wonder if it's similar to humans. And I wonder if it's the same. I was thinking, I wonder if they have the exact same consciousness.

It's just filtered through an entirely different environment, a totally different skin. You're in a fish's body and a totally different way of communicating, a totally different language that's almost indecipherable. But what if it's exactly the same thing, the inside, the consciousness? And then I thought about it. I'm like, oh, my God. What if that's the case with people? What if we are all exactly the same thing? We just are transmitted through different biological filters, different life experiences, different childhoods, different everything, different bad genetic rolls of the dice. I mean, people are

born with different ailments and diseases and people are born crippled. The reason why you're supposed to have compassion is that easily could have been you. It's just like a filter that the consciousness is going through, but the consciousness is one thing. It's all the same. You are just like me. And your uniqueness has to do with your biology and your interpretations of your experiences as you're growing up. Your unique personality that everybody talks about when you're a child could easily be attributed to what kind of machine you're growing up. You know, your unique personality, your unique personality that everybody talks about when you're a child could easily be attributed to what kind of machine you're running. You know, let me tell you something.

Everybody's biology is different. You know that if you watch porn, right? There's people that were blessed with gigantic dicks and there's poor dudes with little tiny dicks and there's girls with incredible bodies and there's other girls that like, whatever, no matter what they do, they can't lose that last 20 pounds. Like, just fact that's that is what it is you're born with

there's variables like there's variables with oranges you'll see one orange is big and another one that's not so big they're not all the same and these various chemicals and then on top of these various chemicals that are all in balance all these different hormones when but on top of these various chemicals that are all in balance, all these different hormones, on top of that, then it's like how does this particular model interact with its environment? Your own unique experiences. I mean how many times have you seen something your friends didn't and it fucked you up for the rest of the day? You know? You know like you see someone get hit by a car or you see something and then you have the same friends. You go to the same – and all of a sudden you don't want to hang out with them anymore.

You think that things are frivolous. You think they're being retarded. You hear about a girl getting raped and you're the same friends and all of a sudden you don't want to hang out with them anymore you think that things are frivolous you think they're being retarded you hear about a girl getting raped and you're the one who freaks out you see one thing and it will set you off in a certain direction so who the fuck knows what your personality is who the fuck knows how much of it is your body

how much of it is your experiences how much of it is what you learn from your parents and how much of theirs is the same shit how much of it is what you learn from your parents, and how much of theirs is the same shit, how much of your personality is really just you reacting and saying what you have to say and doing what you have to do to get by in your environment. But at the core of everybody, from fucking serial killers to the most compassionate people on earth, it's very likely that the consciousness is the same, male, female, that's all biological. It's very logical that the thinking, it's very possible that the root of it all,

when you think about yourself as you, that it's all the same. That's nuts. That's nuts. Somehow Kat's involved with it. Those cats, they're on to some shit. They're on to some shit. Yeah, that's really interesting because then when there's like personality tests

on websites, like those dating websites we were talking about. So like there's, you take personality tests. So you're all trying to take a test that's based on what?

You know, the person, you know, like, you know, how do they know? Those personality tests are stupid as fuck. That's just like the same people that have glitter tags

on their MySpace pages. You know, what are you taking? You don't know what your fucking personality is like? Why don't you go sit down in the grass by yourself and think about shit? Take a goddamn meditation class. At a certain point in time as a human being, you become responsible for your own biology. And that's what we don't teach people. What we need to teach kids in school, there needs to be, you have math and you have English.

And these are all very important subjects. But what we also need is how to manage your mind, how to think, how to think correctly, how to, when something comes up in your life, how to deal with it and turn it into something to your advantage. How not to go into a negative spiral and have your whole fucking life fall apart because of one thing. And that's, these are, it's very important that people learn how to think, how to control your mind. And how many people actually do that? It's not that many, right? I mean, it's not that many people really know how to think, how to think positively, how to affect the people around you as positively as you can, how to move your life into a healthy place. Very hard to do.

It's because we're all starting from scratch. We're all starting from scratch. We're all trying to read books we were never taught that shit in school maybe if they really want to teach you how to be a good employee how to you know make a good living that's you being a better person being better at being a person being better at managing your life is very important they should be teaching kids how to think correctly like early in school and they should have discipline and I don't mean discipline by like you know you know do whatever what he tells you to do that's not discipline what discipline is is you have to do a certain amount you have to do something like do anything anything that's really hard like whether it's swimming or archery or you know

playing chess or you know doing jiu-jitsu kids, having something that's difficult to do is very important. They need to be pushed. It's very, very important. You can develop so much more of who you are if you've already pushed your boundaries. If you've been lazy your whole life, it's so hard to get out of not being lazy anymore.

And this is all shit that they should be teaching in school, man. They should totally be teaching that shit in school. It's not just history. When I was a kid, they fucking taught us Columbus discovered America. That was still being taught. And now we know for a fact he didn't. I think it still is, isn't it? I don't think so, dude. Really?

It's celebrated Columbus Day, but I think now they say he landed in the West Indies. Let's read some questions, ladies and gentlemen. Are we serious about that dolphin stuff? Yeah dolphins rape other dolphins oh i know they do they do they rape other dolphins they eat dolphin babies it's you know infanticide and dolphins i think that's what it's called is um what they do is the female dolphins try to fuck as many male dolphins as they can because if they run across a male dolphin that they haven't fucked and they have babies, the

male might kill the babies to get the female to breed because the females won't breed while they're taking care of the young. So they have to fuck as many male dolphins as they can so that when they do come across a male dolphin and he sees them with the baby, if she fucked him, he won't

kill the babies because he doesn't know if they're his it's crazy humans you know rape and kill babies too so yeah yeah i mean we don't do it in such large numbers as dolphins though i mean dolphins do it like kind of like as a matter of you know yeah but they're more bored they're in the water all day like what the fuck we don't have i think it's that they iPhone. I think it's that. They're bored. I think it's that. See, they can't affect their environment. We see evolution in dolphins, and it's in a very strange scale. It's very much different than ours. It's like they're super intelligent and cognitive.

You know, they have these amazing abilities to communicate, but yet they can't move anything with their hands. They don't create anything. So they're out in the wild. So their world is just way harsher. They're basically, dolphins are like the fucking blue people in Avatar. You know, the blue people in Avatar are like super intelligent,

but these motherfuckers live in the jungle. You've got to be hard. You know, you ain't like some soft dude behind a computer keyboard. You know, you've got to be like that crazy bitch shooting arrows at those crazy black dog things. You know, and that's what dolphins are like, man. They're in the fucking woods. They're in the ocean, but that's, there's sharks out there, man. Killer whales eat dolphins all the time.

They're cousins. Imagine if your cousin ate you. Killer whales will fuck up some dolphins. They fuck up sharks, too. Killer whales are the pimps of the ocean. They're just running shit, you know? They don't take shit from nobody. You know the only people they do?

It's people. That's the only thing that they take shit from. Because people, this is a story that I read on the internet, and this I would like to ask you, Twitter people and people watching on Ustream. I wonder if it's possible that this is a true story. What I heard was that the orcas, or killer whales, used to attack people and have been attacking people for a long time. But then after World War II, they stopped.

And one of the reasons why is because American soldiers were apparently targeting killer whales in the ocean for practice. That's how they would work on their shooting out of their planes. And they would drop bombs on them and shit. The whales just completely stopped eating people. I mean, that doesn't, that seems like something somebody made up, right? Doesn't it? But what if it wasn't?

That would be pretty fucking crazy. You know, because I know cultures do have like images, like old Eskimo images, just like a killer whale attacking people, like really ancient stuff. I wonder, that'd be interesting if they knew what was up. You know, if like,

oh, these motherfuckers can fly now and drop ships. Okay, we're good. We won't eat anymore. We're done. Just about, we tap. Can you imagine? If they eat everything else, why would they eat people? They save people all the time.

Like, that's really nutty. When you're talking about an animal that's that intelligent that murders dolphins. When people fall in the ocean, killer whales have been known many times to nudge people towards boats and help them. Yeah, same with dolphins. That's crazy. Yeah, same as dolphins. Then none of them fuck with people because we have the ability to change our environment.

They're just as ruthless, just as smart, but they're fucked with their bodies. A little fuck with flippers and shit. They'll fuck you up if you're in their world, but that's what you need to get by in their world. Our world requires much more finer moves, you know, and our ability to manipulate shit, like have things gone just a little bit different in evolution if you believe in evolution? You know, the dolphins, they could easily be brought in shit.

The killer whales and the dolphins, imagine if there was something like that with us. If those are all the same intelligence, imagine if there's something like that with us, like some giant trolls that were just as smart as us and would come in and kill people just show up at your village and start eating us and just jacking us well that is happening that's us and monkeys beowulf well that's us and monkeys if you look at like african countries bush meat you see they sell chimpanzee hands as ashtrays and shit yeah they just go into the forest and fuck those things up and eat them. Yeah. You know?

That's pretty crazy when you think about it. What if there's something like that with us? Woo! That could happen, man. No thing can happen. Well, wouldn't, like... Yeah, yeah. Could you fucking imagine? I mean, there are predators and humans if you're around them.

Yeah, like tigers and stuff. Yeah, but, you know, for the most part, they're not intelligent. These fucking things are intelligent. Killer whales are just as smart as dolphins they're genius yeah they're like as smart as humans supposedly well if that's the case man could you imagine something as smart as people but giant and likes to eat us robots no that's what it's going to be we're going to build we're going to build our enemy our predator we're going to build our predator some some new monsters it're going to build our predator. Some new monster is going to come from the sky.

We would never be able to get to this point. The reason why we've got to this point with technology and with our inventions and all this shit, the reason why is because no one's been eating us. We've had all this downtime. All this downtime to come up with things. Because otherwise we would have never gotten to this point. You'd never be comfortable enough to sit around crunching algorithms, trying to figure out how to make a Pentium processor.

You would never get to that point. You'd be constantly running from the giant troll people that want to eat your asshole. You know? They would just kill people. And the way chimps eat monkeys. You ever watch the way chimps eat monkeys? Yeah, they like tear them apart. They eat them while they're alive.

Yeah. They don't kill them. That's a weird thing about it. But predators seem to kill people and then eat them while they're alive. Yeah. They don't kill them. That's a weird thing about it. Predators seem to kill people and then eat them. Like big cats, you know, like animals that like kill things for a living. You know, like big cats. Big cats, they only eat grass so they can throw up. That's all they do.

And these animals, when they catch something, it's very important that they kill it. So they just grab them by the neck and jack them immediately. But like chimps don't do that. Chim berries they eat all kinds of shit they're omnivores they can eat meat or or vegetables or and fruits so when they uh kill monkeys which is like their favorite shit to do they love monkeys they love to eat them and they have all these elaborate traps where they uh there's you can see them online we'll find you the the youtube clip i'll find it right now because it's pretty fucking trippy it's uh youtube i'm just gonna youtube chimps eat monkeys and uh my point is they they eat them alive man they eat them alive they rip them apart they don't kill them first and same thing with

bears bears you ever see like a bear bear when it, that's the thing about that Timothy Treadwell dude, that dude from Grizzly Man. The fucking video, or the video is, there's a cap on the video when the bear ate him, but the audio is there. And the audio was seven minutes long! Seven minutes long! Why is that not leaked yet?

Because the woman who was his girlfriend didn't want it to leak. If you haven't seen Grizzly Man, you must. You must see Grizzly Man. It's one of the most genius fucking movies ever. And it's like a subtle comedy. I mean, it's so hard to describe. This guy was so insane.

And he was living with bears. And the way it's edited together. And Werner Herzog is typically not known for making funny movies, right? He's like a serious director. I don't think he meant to make this funny now but this guy's so ridiculous he's I look a bear hi come here come here he's gayer than Ricky Martin in a room full of dicks he's he's this guy so gay and he's like out there in the woods with a camera going if I was gay I could just meet a girl and we could just or could he meet a guy in a restroom we could just hook up but

I'm not gay so what do I do I kept on bringing it up it was doing in specifics like I just go to a rest stop right like why that's a great movie I need a real fantastic movie grizzly man you have to see it but this guy was like really into saving the grizzly bear so he's up there in alaska and he's like you know the fucking park rangers 90s motherfuckers i'm out here saving him every day and the bears are looking like who is this crazy bitch like he wasn't doing anything he was letting people know the bears were there but they knew bears were there like he wasn't saving them they're in a national park you know occasionally there's poaching but that's gonna happen everywhere they're not gonna not poach because you're there, stupid.

You know, okay, here, chimps killing and eating a monkey. I'm going to take this. Yeah, this is the one. It's ruthless. I'll take this link and I'll throw it up on Twitter right now for my P posts. When I'm really high, I can't type that good if I think about it. Been to the zoo, the Los Angeles Zoo?

Yeah. I don't like to go to the zoo after, the last time I went, I wrote that piece about the zoo, the animal prison in the blog. But I realized, because I was super baked. And when I,

you know, like we talked about earlier, when you're super baked you're like much more sensitive and i was watching these animals i'm like this is a horrendous life just because they can move doesn't mean they're alive they don't allow the predators to kill and eat that's like they they take you away and you know you can't talk to people ever again you know you just you get locked up in a room by yourself and something else other than you has to stare at you. And then you don't even get the one pleasure that animals that are predators get.

I mean, the reason why they go after the kill, it must be orgasmic. I mean, it's what they need to stay alive. And they're doing it with their mouth. And they're feeling the life leave the animal. doing it with their mouth and they're feeling the life leave the animal and I mean it's imperative for them to be really awesome at killing things in order for them to survive. So what does that feel like to them? It must be incredible. I mean it feels good for us to fuck and there's so many of us it's like it's not even important

if we fuck. You know what I'm saying? But it's your body is so programmed by all the years of evolution to think that it's very very important to make new human beings. So you get this fantastic reward when you fuck. It just feels so good. And what it really is is just nature trying to trick you. Nature making sure that you're rewarded for doing what you have to do to stay alive and to continue the race.

Well, with a jaguar, every day you have to kill some shit. The fucking, the physical rush, the sensation of chasing something down as it's running through the forest. And you're not sure if you're going to get it. And sometimes they get away. And bam! You got that motherfucker right by the neck. And you feel its heart beating. Its legs are kicking.

And you just put that little antelope down. That must be fantastic. It must be fantastic. And you don't even give him that. You just put him in this cage. And you slide cold meat in a tray and he eats it and he's just like, what the fuck?

What the fuck did I do to deserve this? Yeah. I mean, if you're going to keep them around, I could see the argument much more to kill all the predators than I could to keep any of them around in cages. Yeah. You know, because I could see like you're saying,

listen, we're going to get some video of all these animals that can eat us. We'll get some nice video documented, a bunch of different formats, MPEG, MOV, put on iPhones. And then we're going to kill them. We're going to kill all of them. Anything that kills us. What if they were to do it like they had

a huge, open, crazy space and they made it kind of fun and everything that they would want, but then they would throw in like, there's a cow into the situation well yeah yeah no yeah i don't know i don't think you want them the problem is people don't want to see that shit i mean at night or something how about in the day i mean if you're gonna do it if you really want to teach children why is it okay it's kind of funny because why is it okay to watch something like that on the national geographic show right you know on discovery channel they show you all the time to teach children. Why is it okay? It's kind of funny because why is it okay to watch something like that on the National Geographic show or Discovery Channel?

They show you all the time. Have you ever seen Relentless Enemies? Maybe. I'm pretty sure it's called Relentless Enemies. It's a fucking amazing documentary about these lions in Africa

that are ostracized. They look like cartoon lions. They're like giant Mike Tyson lions. It's so ridiculous. And the females are bigger than normal African male lions, or as big, if not bigger, than normal African male lions, which is unprecedented. I mean, they never exist.

These fucking lions are gigantic. And the reason why they're gigantic is because they the river where they live changed course about a hundred years ago and all that may not even be a hundred it might have been more recent than that i have to look it up but they got stuck on this one island with water buffalo only water buffalo so in order to survive they had to only kill the toughest thing to kill so these giant fucking water buffaloes are dangerous as fuck. They're super powerful. They got these giant horns.

And they'll come at you and stomp your ass. And they get broken legs and they can't hunt again. And then they're fucked and they starve to death. So it's a fucking dangerous proposition. Well, these tigers got gigantic because of it. They got fucking huge. And it's really fascinating, man. Really fascinating to watch them

try to figure out how they're going to take out these water buffalo and they're just so much bigger than regular lions. It's crazy to watch, man. Really, really intense documentary. You're a huge documentary. How many documentaries a day do you watch? Two? Three?

I watch a lot of them yeah is it because why you're just like science have you always liked science i i do i just get fascinated by shit man you know i mean just the fact that that exists i mean if you how many people out there knew but a lot of you guys knew about those lines in africa but you know you talk to like because you're on the internet and shit and you're savvy enough to be on the u-stream but how many fucking people really you know know anything about the animal world or space or you know I mean you start seeing things about like hypernovas they blow up like everything like within you know 100 million fucking light years,

and everything gets cooked, and they happen all the time throughout the galaxy. And you're like, what? What is this? They talk about how if one happened anywhere near us, we'd be cooked instantly. It just blows everything apart all around it, like this insane event where these spirals of energy

blast out from the sides. It's fucking nuts. It happens like hundreds a day all over the universe. Tee, tee, tee, tee. It's like to not be into documentaries to me seems way crazier than to be into them. There's just so much nutty shit going on out there, and no one cares. The new season of Lost is right about to start. I can't wait.

I really can't wait. I really can't wait for that though. I'm jonesing dude. Every time I see that commercial I'm just like, oh it's God. There was one second of a new... The documentary on the Lions, folks, I think it's called Relentless Enemies. Let me check right now. What is that thing?

Are you saying you have to smoke cigarettes? Oh no, no. I'm jonesing for Lost. But did you hear somebody... This is how dumb somebody was. What is that thing? Are you saying you have to smoke cigarettes? Oh, no, no. Jones, if you're lost. But did you hear somebody died by... This is how dumb somebody was. Went to go get the nicotine patches, and they wanted to quit smoking faster, so they put every single one of the nicotine patches on their body. You know, you get a box of them.

They thought that if they put more patches on their body, they would... People suck. I can show you this right here. It's called Relentless Enemies. It's the documentary on the lions. Now, this is how bad people suck. This fucking guy, Dr. Levent Kakmor, film guy. Amazon.com.

Amazon.com. He says, how can someone mess up such a great documentary film in such a way? I hope National Geographic does something about it and we can buy it again. I tried a couple different HD DVDs. Oh, okay.d oh okay all right he's saying okay this guy's saying that no he's saying that the dvd he got was right any of the other ones over there but yeah it's fucking it's fucking amazing it's it's amazing oh it's saying we will not play on xbox dvd see that's the problem with you know. It's pretty huge right now. I saw somebody bashing iTunes the other day.

I'm not saying this. It doesn't play. Wow. Two out of three are saying these three reviews that are on the front page. Anyway, the documentary itself, if these poor guys could get their DVD to work, it's fucking incredible. I mean, it just shows you how quickly life can adapt. You know, there's these, you know, the Amazon rainforest has only existed, not in the Amazon,

rather the Congo, has only existed in that form for like a few thousand years. And thousands of years before that, it was like grasslands. So there's animals that are trapped inside the Congo that are animals that live on the grass plains. Like rhinos are trapped in there and deer and antelope. And there's one little antelope that has developed the ability to swim underwater because the Congo is filled with water. Developed the ability to swim underwater up to 100 yards and it eats fish. And it's a fucking antelope.

And it's got these little short ass legs. Because evolution dictated that this animal change. I mean, and that happened over 2,000 years. There's a fish in the Amazon that comes out of the fucking water and walks. That shit's awesome. It's crazy. Yeah. And it finds another water hole and then there's this

fucking bird that eats it that looks like a goddamn dinosaur. It's a 6 foot tall tall evil giant bird with this crazy big ass fucking beak like this big killing machine attached to its face and it's got these dead eyes like these dead crazy dinosaur eagle eyes and it jacks this fucking old dinosaur walking fish and you're like whoa that's a nutty goddamn place that's the same planet we live on yeah that's the same planet we live on. Yeah.

That's the same planet we live on. You ever see that old video of the eagle killing all those goats? Yeah, throwing them off the cliffs. Oh, that shit's awesome. This eagle just is on top of a cliff and there's all these goats and it's just grabbing them and throwing them off the cliffs so they would die and eat them at the bottom. And it can barely carry them, but it's dragging them.

It's doing it on purpose. It couldn't kill them if it was just on flat land. It knows it's going to kill them by dragging them off the rock. I mean, that's incredible. Yeah. Birds are smart, too, man. Like whatever those blackbirds are, ravens. Crows are super smart.

Yeah, where they use tools. Yeah. Have you seen that? Yeah. Yeah. I've seen them do all kinds of creepy shit i had a steak and i was trying to um um uh thaw it out and i put it on it was in in the wrap you know from the the supermarket and i put it on uh stone outside my house for a minute maybe a minute i came out and these crows were

fucking it up they watched me they watched me put it out and then they swooped in to look at it. And they were like, I think that is meat. This dumb motherfucker left some meat out. I'm like, there's no way he's that stupid. He left some meat out. I'm telling you, it's meat. Let's eat it. And they landed on it and just started fucking it up.

And I came out and there was two of them just fucking up the steak. Wow. They're so clever. That's craziness. A rat wouldn't have seen it. No. A flying rat even. A flying rat. Like a pigeon. Can you imagine if we had flying rats around here how horrible that would be? We did. That's crazy. A rat wouldn't have seen it. No. A flying rat even. A flying rat.

Like a pigeon. Can you imagine if we had flying rats around here, how horrible that would be? We did. We're pigeons. Pigeons are like flying rats. Unless you're raising yourself. Then they're cute. I've been putting bird feed out lately in my backyard.

And the bird feed I put out attracts these little canaries. And now I have just little canaries everywhere. Never in Ohio they don't have canaries. This fellow is very specific. Little Canaries. And now I have just Little Canaries everywhere. Never in Ohio they don't have Canaries. What is this? This fellow is very specific. Have either of you guys tried JWH01? I heard about this the other day. What is it?

There's a topic on your form about it. I can't remember. What is this? Oh, my God. Here's how crazy you internet kids are. You're coming up with new ways to get high it's an analgesic chemical from the amino alkaloid alkaline old how do you say that and yeah I mean no out key lindell family which acts as a cannabinoid blah blah blah blah well it must be something

that gets you fucked up i'm sure there's a lot of those things too i don't want to mess with any different new things you know this sounds crazy coming from someone who's done as many psychedelics as i have but i think the shit that you should do is the shit that people have been doing for thousands of years you know you can't go wrong with. You know, you can't go wrong with San Pedro cactus. You can't go wrong with cannabis mushrooms. You can't go wrong with those things. Ayahuasca, you can't go wrong. I mean, you can go wrong.

You can lose your fucking marbles. Don't listen to me. What I'm saying is, new stuff, like, you know, hey, man, try this new shit. Scientists fucking in NASA labs, man. They just came up with it. No, don't do anything that people haven't been doing a long time yeah don't fuck with some new shit that they just invented right weed tests and you

smoke it and you know it makes you want to fuck animals you know who the hell knows all the old indians they were the beta testers yes you know exactly they were down with paoli that was their shit the san pedro cactus the mescaline i've never done that have you ever done that see those it's crazy that these things are illegal i mean bill hicks had a great line about that like isn't there something uh fucked up about making nature against the law you know which is totally totally true i mean how can you tell someone that they can't have a life form that exists naturally on this planet whether Whether it's cannabis or mushrooms or anything that grows naturally. It's only anything that affects your consciousness. You can buy stuff that's poisonous.

You can legally have a bunch of different plants that can kill you. A bunch of different plants. It's like just having marijuana in your backyard is not proof that you're eating marijuana or using it. And if you have all these poisonous plants in your backyard, nobody would even bat an eye. And that's the same thing. It's not, I mean, it's a personal use issue.

You know, it's really so weird that people allow, in this day and age, with all the information that we have, allow plants to be illegal. Man, it's fucking pretty incredible. Plants. It's pretty incredible. It is.

It's fucking really bizarre that we have, we enforce it so strictly. It's such a strong ethic in our culture that if we catch you using certain plants that have nothing to do with me, they're not going to affect me at all, but if I catch you with these plants, I'm allowed by our

laws to lock you in a cage how crazy is that if you have a giant ass bag of mushrooms and you are um driving on your way to the woods and a cop pulls you over and says what are you doing like well i'm about to have a spiritual experience with the lord the cop will go what the fuck you're talking about well i have these mushrooms that I'm going to go out and say, get the fuck out of the car. Get out of the car. He'll handcuff you. You fucking idiot.

You're telling me about this? I'm just letting you know, man. Nature is natural. It grows on the earth. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I want to hear your hippie bullshit.

Right. Get in the fucking car. I just hit the mother load with this stupid fuck. This guy told me he had mushrooms on him. How high is he? Ha, ha, ha, ha on him. How high is he? You want to eat? Yeah, let's go to Sally's. And then they meet up and they feel good for locking this guy in a cage for having

plants on him. That's bizarre. 2010? That's strange. I mean, it's very hard to believe that that's the case. You know what's really strange about 2010 is that we're going towards 2020. That's just that's craziness. You know what's really strange about 2010 is that we're going towards 2020. That's just,

that's craziness. It is craziness. Just the sound of it. This guy says it's because of money though. Yeah, it's definitely because of money. But it's just,

it's amazing. You know, here's the best example of how it's for sure politicians are whores. Best example. Nobody talks about cigarettes. If cigarettes was,

if Al-Qaeda was killing 400,000 people in America every year, holy shit, would the war against Al Qaeda heat up. It would be gigantic. As it is, they're killing people, most of them that they've killed, you know, unless you listen to Alex Jones, this is the government, but most of them are in other countries. I mean, in this country alone, Al Qaeda's not over here jacking people, but cigarettes are. Cigarettes kill 400 fucking thousand people other countries. I mean, in this country alone, Al-Qaeda is not over here jacking people. But cigarettes are. Cigarettes kill 400 fucking thousand people a year.

I mean, to compare something you use for personal use to Al-Qaeda is ridiculous. Absolutely. But my point is, like, it's very dangerous. Marijuana doesn't do that. Even alcohol doesn't kill that many people. Think about how fucked up alcohol gets you. And alcohol poisoning or alcohol deaths it's not nearly as high as cigarettes cigarettes is a motherfucker and it's so hard to kick right

you you went back on him right yeah brian's kicked it a couple times that was a year he's done it a couple times and one little thing will set that trigger off in the back of his head it's mostly stress stuff it's horrible but meanwhile it's totally. And did we talk about the OxyContin Express last week? We did, right? God damn. We talked about cigarettes too. These are important issues. If you haven't seen the OxyContin Express, get on that shit. Find it

online. I think it's on YouTube. The whole thing is in... It's one of those director's versions, so the whole thing is on YouTube. So this weekend you're at the Ice House. Oh yeah, yeah. We're doing comedy this weekend. Bitch, just making it happen. Who's going to be? Joe Diaz. At the Ice House in Pasadena.

This Friday we're doing two shows there and Saturday we're doing two shows. This guy says, DMT is not easy to extract. Well, you ain't no super secret scientist, are you? secret scientist, are you? Ever smoke banana peel? See these motherfuckers?

Yeah, I smoked a lot of shit when I was young. It was stupid. I was trying to get high. I smoked like bamboo leaves. It was horrible. Very harsh on the lungs, too. Birds can be scary. They are on acid. yeah good point amazing kush yeah birds can be some birds are scary period man you ever look at an eagle's eye like you ever seen a dude that has like a pet eagle on those talk shows and they get close up on an eagle's eye this girl i know just got an owl as a pet oh and have you seen those are murderers they just murder i know it just sits in their bathroom on the the shower thing yo that ain't cool that's a predator it's crazy that's a

real like owls look all fluffy and cool and everything because everybody thinks about them from those goddamn tootsie roll commercials i know tootsie pops that's not no that's a fucking predator yeah that's a dangerous thing what is it about people where we take these evil predators and we change what they are right like polar bears we got them selling you know ice cream coca-cola polar bears are fucking monsters polar bears cover their nose when they're sneaking up on eskimo villages so that they can't see the black that's awesome dude they they learn how to do that hunting seals they take their nose and they they hang over the black that's awesome dude they they learn how to do that hunting seals they take their nose and they they hang over the edge of an a glacier a floating uh you know like ice

raft and they hang over the edge so that these seals don't see them they see white everything's white if they see that black nose they figured out that seals can see the black nose that's how fucking evil they are and we got them selling ice cream and Coca-Cola. Tony the Tiger, that's great. How about chimps, man? BJ and the Bear. This dude tooling around with a little pet monkey. How come BJ and the Bear never ate anybody's face off?

How come Bear never tried to bite some dude's asshole out and bite his hands off? I think that monkey ended up doing that. Wasn't that the monkey that was retired here in Los Angeles? Yeah, well, they always retire them when they get older because you can't control the old males. You can't control them. Our nearest

ancestors are, it doesn't matter if you raise them, they're completely wild. You cannot stop that. That lady just thought, just because she was putting a diaper on this chimp, you know, and giving it Xanax, and she would give it wine and shit. It was like a fake boyfriend she had. Like this fake monkey

boyfriend. And she thought she had that thing under control. Then he just decided to eat her friend's face. It's like, I don't fucking like you. I don't like you. He didn't, I mean, there was no fight. They weren't brawling. She didn't hit him with a rock. She didn't do shit. Yeah. He just attacked her and ate her face.

Whoa. I mean, even dogs don't usually do that. You know attacked her and ate her face. Whoa. I mean, even dogs don't usually do that. You know, you got a guy who's got a crazy dog. They don't attack your friends. Yeah. How often does that happen? Mostly kids. Yeah, because they think kids are animals.

They don't respect them. All that shit about my cat really freaks me out. Talking all that shit about my cat killing me. A cat probably would kill anything, you know? If you had a little pet tiny monkey, a little monkey like that big, would you be safe leaving it in the room with this fluffy cat? Fuck no. She would murder that thing.

I'd come home with guts to be all hanging out, and she'd be looking at me like she's my friend. Hi. Not even like she's evil. Poor little monkey. With his little monkey family, she'd kill them too. The little monkey babies. Poor little monkey. With his little monkey family. She'd kill them too. The little monkey babies. Merciless.

She'd be purring, rolling around in the dead bodies. Especially with her claws. Yeah, she's got real claws. Yeah. She's not declawed. He's declawed. They have these things I just found. I don't know if I told you this or not.

Where they go over the claw. You use glue. And you put glue in these little claws. And it goes over the claw. So they think they have claws still. Yeah, we had that with him. You use glue, and you put glue in these little claws, and it goes over the claw. So they think they have claws still. Yeah, we had that with him. After a while, they pop off. They pop off?

Yeah, pop off quick. They keep chewing them off, too. Really? And they start jacking everything. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. I would let him keep his claws. I don't care. I think it's fucked up to take their claws.

If you see a YouTube video, they actually cut off a knuckle. They cut off this part of the knuckle. Yeah not into that that's craziness my cat killed a rabbit when it was a kitten damn that's uh that's a rough story asian alien i believe it though cats are ruthless I grew up in a Nahud where a crow could talk. His name was C.R. and he would come when called. Wow. You know what?

If I had never read anything about crows or watched a video, I'd be like, that guy's crazy. Crows coming to him. Yeah, your pet crow. Totally the same crow. It's not like they're all black.

Right. And they figured out you have food. I find it weird when people have squirrels as pets or raccoons and stuff. Raccoons are crazy. Did you see that one video where the raccoon and dog are wrestling? Yeah. They're usually fighting to the death. I know.

Raccoons fuck dogs up, man. They rip them apart. Yeah. They're scary animals, man. Raccoons are mean. I see them all the time in my neighborhood. Raccoons and skunks. And rats.

Books we lost to history that would have changed the world. That's a long article. Is it good? I'll check it out. Alright, we're going to read some questions here. One year, no cigarettes, this guy says. All it cost me was a girlfriend, the dog she my waistline and my sanity wow and you get hit by a bus tomorrow so i guess i'm not gonna smoke you just didn't deserve the cigarettes after she left you or you couldn't afford them after she left you

or you quit the cigarettes and because you quit the cigarettes you went crazy and you were like aggro and then she left you is that what you're saying and she took the dog she took your waistline but the waistline that's good right you want to lose lose some weight probably unless you like one of those dudes in the guts apparently there's a lot of gay dudes they're in the like guys with guts like that they like to have a clicker kind of big gotten suckers cock yeah I think they like where those ladies that cuz I got some I think with you know I mean there's fetishes just like some dudes

are like really into feet some dudes are really into like girls with specific type of toenails they want to come on girls toes you know

I think with gay dudes they just get into a certain thing like they see some crazy homophobic trucker he's all methed out at the truck stop

and they just wish they could just suck his cock because he hates them. He hates them. There's something about them. It just turns the gay guy on. That's my theory. What's a fight? That guy with his big fat gut and suck that dick.

What? I love people like this. Somebody just asked. They've been trying to see your tattoo for three weeks. They've been asking. Now, wouldn't you think... You can get it online. You can see it online. Wouldn't this person just Google if he really cared that much Joe Rogan tattoo? That's the kind of people

I hate. You know, it's like people that... Well, I don't hate, but I hate people when they ask me all these questions. I'm like, man, is your fucking Google broken? That shit happens to me all the time. Yeah, there's some people that just don't have good friends. They have lazy fingers. You know,

the only problem with marijuana, there is one problem with marijuana and it's some of the marijuana community. A lot of mooches.

Yeah. You know? A lot of mooches and dirty hippies. Brian left Brian left listen it's just you and me now do you think I should get rid of him so I kick him out of the room and just have it all about us say listen man you did your part today it's me and my people. All right, this dude is saying, I did a job.

CT Dirt says, I did a job, and these people fed wild raccoons, and they scratched at the door like a cat. Wow, that's crazy that's nuts man makes sense i've seen uh squirrels that you can feed there's a park in north hollywood and if you bring peanuts if you especially you lie down so the squirrel doesn't feel like you know you're in a threatening position to chase after him you know you lie down like on your stomach and you hold up and the fucking squirrel will come up to you real gingerly make sure you're not crazy and he'll take that peanut and some dudes that the squirrels know really well, they'll just sit right in front of the dude and eat his peanuts, like right there.

Like there was this one old Chinese guy that apparently goes to the park every day and he brings peanuts. And so he's sitting there with these peanuts. These squirrels are coming right up to him. They're just holding his hand while they're taking the peanut. Like he's their little friend. Like they're not worried about him at all. It's kind of crazy.

Crazy to see. By the way, this is that new digital camera I reviewed. If you guys are... If you ever want to buy something and you know that he's reviewed it, you've got to watch his reviews. He's crazy. There's something wrong with him. He gets super into

the technical aspects of anything technology, like phones and his reviews of phones. He kills those guys at Engadget. Those bitches, you can't hang with Brian. The problem is a lot of these websites are getting money. They're going to get – We're not saying that Engadget does. No, no, no.

But if they review favorably, say like an Apple product, then the next time Apple has a product out, they'll give them like an exclusive because you know so it's like a lot of these websites Don't want to bash or tell the truth because they don't want to ruin future Products and so anyways this is a new camera world works. Yeah, this is new camera films HD. It's high quality HD 60 frames per second I have the whole review at redband comm stereo microphone So if you're looking for a small digital video camera, this shit is awesome. What's the model name, Brian? It's Sony DSC-TX7.

And redband, R-E-D-B-A-N.com. I have the whole review there. This dude says podcast, or my big girl, says podcast from the sensory deprivation tank. Maybe that would be a fucking cool thing to do. You know what I should do?

It'd sound like this. Would it sound like that? Is there a way that I could have something recording sound in there? Well, you know, you can't get it wet. I mean, we could hook a mic, put a microphone right next to it, but

I mean, it'll sound like this, you know, and all that stuff. Because it's echoing in there yeah but who wants to do it why would you mean just lay there and talk yeah well we could just turn off the lights here and you can talk in the dark no no I'm gonna totally do that the winning that just like the purpose of being in isolation tank no because you focused on talking to people no no no because too focused on talking to people? No, no, no. Because it would be talking to people, your mind would work so much better than it works with, you know, sitting in a normal environment like here, talking to you, and sitting on a couch, and the lights, and the laptop,

and all this input coming in. You don't realize how much this has an effect on your ability to, like, see things clearly. And you see things very, very clear in that tank. And I think if you're in that tank and you just start talking, it's going to fuck up a little bit of the experience because you're going to hear things. You're going to hear yourself, both in your ears. You'll hear it in your ears

and you'll hear it in your head. You've lost your mind, Joe. No, but I think it'll be kind of cool to do. I will do that. We're going to figure out a way where I can do a podcast someday from the sensory deprivation tank. And by someday, I mean within a month. I don't mean podcast someday from the sensory deprivation time. And by someday, I mean like within a month.

I don't mean like when I'm old and ready to die. Hey, Gayban, the original question three weeks ago was why does Joe not always wear long sleeves? Well, hey, retard, go Google that. Because I bet you Joe's answered that. Wow.

I thought that was totally That really was unnecessary He called me gay man I'm allowed to say something back Wow Don't you think? Someone says you're an asshole But he's Look at me

I can't take him seriously Because he says Brian is a FKK A-hole If you ask me Well I'm never gonna ask you anything

If that's what you write An FKK A-hole That's really you I can never going to ask you anything. If that's what you write in FKK, A-hole, that's really you? I can't talk to you, dude. Brian's the third wheel. How dare you? Brian's a very talented video guy. Red Band has too much negative energy.

He doesn't have negative energy. His negative energy is like the safest, most non-dangerous negative energy ever. He's a nice guy. Leave him alone, you fucking creeps. Why won't Dana let you show your tat in the UFC? No, it's not that. It's just a distraction. It's not necessary.

It's not about me. When I'm on the UFC, it's 100% about those dudes that are fighting. I just try to do my part, my commentary, and explain and be enthusiastic and be appreciative. But it's not about me you know that's why i dress like such a retard i'm not trying to shine and wearing a nice suit you know i'm saying look at my cufflinks look at them diamonds i'm not trying to look good at all i'm just trying to just do my job what's important is not me what's important is these uh these guys fucking throwing their bones at each other in the octagon. It's not me. What kind of weed did we smoke before the show? Well, Mr. Federal

agent. That's one of the funniest things that I like when someone will ask a stupid question and someone will go like, laziest homo ever. Laziest pedo ever. Laziest DEA agent ever. And it's like become like a standard like I don't know who was the first one to do it but I've seen it

on many forums right I don't know where it started from but so many people do that now someone will ask a dumb question

and someone will chime in you know chime in with that I mean it's really funny like whenever people ask like drug questions like hey man

if I'm in Tallahassee where can I get DMT and someone will write laziest DEA agent ever right it's become a part of would you say that's the lexicon

how would you say the vernacular what else Brian see any good questions what kind of weed do you smoke before a show man yo you want to smoke what kind of weed you got smoke before a show, man? Yo, you wanna smoke?

What kind of weed you got? The kind that comes from California. That's the funny thing they were talking about. Marijuana supporting these Mexican drug lord. What are you talking about, stupid? The pot that I buys bought. This guy's growing it right over there. You can go to his house, I'll show you where he lives.

Who the fuck are you talking about? He's not Al-Qaeda and he's not a Mexican drug lord lord he's right down the street he's a nice guy he's got plants he'll sell you them he waters them he puts fertilizer and shit he does a great job the fuck man and it's great there's a website called web or weed tracker.com we met those guys in san francisco but each store has a uh own forum and so like you like to find what stores near your house and then you go to their this has like a little website just for that store and every day they'll say we got train wreck and we this is our specials you know and stuff like that and it's great people review it oh it's

incredible it's amazing it's so at this point it's so free here in California that it literally is like pot is legal. It's very close, right? What's in between? Well, they've passed one step of a multi-step process to making it legal for responsible use for adults over 18 or 21. I mean, it should be over 18, I think. I think that's reasonable. Like alcohol, I think alcohol should be 18 18 i think i think that's reasonable you know like alcohol i think i think alcohol

should be 18 with supervision um meaning like you know it should be okay for like your dad to give you a beer when you're 18 years old you know or you come with your dad to a place where his buddy has a bar and you know just gonna come with my boys right with beers never had a beer before you know slowly introduce them into the world and make it like it's no big deal you learn you gotta learn how to hold your liquor okay you know understand and let learn from your fucking father you know i'm saying like as a young man like let them take away all the mystique of what alcohol really is and that should be the same thing with weed the real problem with anything that affects your mind is that we don't have enough people out there that are explaining to people how to manage that shit

and with alcoholics at least they have alcoholics anonymous and you know they can help guide you back on the right track but you know there's no no people out there that are telling you you know like explaining to you how to incorporate weed successfully in your life for the maximum benefits you know I mean shit maybe we should write a book about that because it's a fucking good idea because what really we need in this country and it sounds like all spiritual crazy voodoo, but we need shaman. And what a shaman is, in the Amazon rainforest, the guys who make the ayahuasca,

it's a dude who's been there, done that. He's done it a thousand times. He knows what to expect. He knows what's going to happen. He's not scared of it. He enjoys and welcomes the experience. He can talk you through it. You don't have to freak the fuck out this guy's gonna help you he's gonna

sing songs gonna comfort you they're gonna play the drums and you're gonna get to talk to dead people you know I mean that's what it is it's a shaman and we need a shaman for marijuana and we really could use a shaman for alcohol too there should be someone who culturally explains to the group I mean it should be like expressed as an ethic through the entire human community that it's wrong to be drunk and obnoxious and be a fucking douchebag and ruin other people's good time. And it should be something we all agree upon.

It shouldn't be something funny like, oh, remember that time you got drunk and ripped that girl's shirt off? That should be horrifying to everyone involved. All that is is the reason why we don't address that is we have this crazy way of looking at drugs. We look at drugs like somehow or another they're all bad. Like they're all under this same – this one gigantic carpet of everything is bad for you. It's not necessarily bad for you. It's only bad for some people.

It's good for some people. The experiences benefit you. They make your life more interesting. Should the shaman be driving while giving advice? No. See, that's the problem. If you get an 18-year-old, that person just got their license two years ago. They don't even know how to fucking drive.

It's true. They drive reckless. Yeah. They drive too fast, and they're not good at it. That was me. I was a terrible driver when I was young. I'm so lucky I don't have a DWI. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you ever get one? No, never got one. God, how? Yeah. I never drove that drunk, but I probably could have, like, you know, the legal limit is like, I try to be real good at that. It's one beer an hour, pretty much. It's one beer, yeah.

If you have one beer and you get pulled over 20 minutes later, I bet you could probably get nailed. Yeah. Very borderline. Within a half an hour, the second beer, right? That's crazy. But with a lot of people, the second beer, right? That's crazy. But with a lot of people, that's good, man.

You really should, they really shouldn't be driving. Anthony from Opie and Anthony has a really interesting point. He's like, what if I'm good when I drive drunk? But that's not a good point

if you kill a kid. You know? Slam into a family. Well, I would say I'm better than average driving drunk, but, you know, there's no test for that.

You know? Unfortunately, they can't just sit you down and go, okay, you got to play fucking pole position for an hour and show me your skills. That's another good thing about marijuana is that people are just more cautious when they're on it. People think that marijuana affects your reaction. It doesn't. It really doesn't. I smoke marijuana and I do jiu-jitsu all the time. So does Eddie Bravo. So do a bunch of different really high- level Brazilian jiu-jitsu guys.

Like forget about me. I know guys that are like world championship black belts that love to get high and then go do jiu-jitsu. Like it makes them connected to the movements better. It makes you – you're very coordinated when you're high. But it's more like we were talking about earlier with like being paranoid. Paranoia is like too much information. You don't know how to manage it. It's a bad thing.

You're just getting too much info. You're not keeping up with it. That's where it all comes from. Damn, check this out. This dude's cousin was going to jail after having two DUIs, but the policeman

that arrested him died. So now there's, proof or whatever. Oh, wow. So that's crazy luck. For everybody but the cop. Yeah. Joe, you going to be in Celebrity Rehab the next few years? Oh, totally.

Have you watched that show? Yes, I watched one episode. Because Stan Hope was mocking dr drew and i said all right let me check this out it's like wow what a train wreck i mean it's great it's fun to watch i'm not addicted to anything that i don't think i could stop i don't have a problem with anything right now i used to have you know my real problem has never been drugs my real problem is games i have a serious addiction to like video games and to pool. Pool, I think, is a little bit more meditation because it's a lot of hand-eye coordination.

You have to steady your nerves and it's all controlling the ball. But I get obsessed with games. I used to play Quake. I used to play, no bullshit, eight hours a day at least. Every day I was online. I loved it. And I'm avoiding that on purpose. So if I had a thing that I needed to kick at any point in my life, it was never drugs. Drugs weren't ruining my life, but video games were kind of ruining my life.

Not ruining it, but it was becoming an obsession. The problem is I enjoy the fuck out of it. Quake is so goddamn fun. You know? Have you ever tried to quit caffeine, though? What's that? Have you ever tried to quit caffeine? Yeah, I've quit caffeine. That that you ever tried to quit caffeine yeah

i've quit caffeine that shit's hard it is hard you know when i realized i needed to quit i was writing a blog a day you know that one time before i filmed my special i wrote a blog every day so i was up every night really late because that's when i write my best shit so every night i was drinking coffee at like 10 o'clock oh and i was i mean this kind of coffee too I don't fuck around I use a French press you know it's like I grind my own coffee you know you get a bird grinder and I get these beans only from these Kona beans from Hawaii or my favorite this coffee will fuck your world up this shit is strong and I would take it at like 10 o'clock at night and man I couldn't get to bed until 5 6 o'clock in the morning.

And then when it finally did crash, I felt like shit the next day. And I did it a bunch of days in a row, and then I tried to stop. And when I tried to stop, I got these serious headaches. Like dull, like pressing headaches. Like it didn't even feel like coffee could fix them. It felt like I just like I short-circuited my brain or something. The fuck is calling me to do my podcast? What kind of bullshit is this?

I'm calling to do my goddamn podcast. I don't know. I'm not answering that. My apologies, ladies and gentlemen. Don't you feel less energy doing exercising after you smoke weed? No. I'm the opposite. Especially if it's a good sativa.

That's what people don't know. People that are outside of California, most of what you're getting is called indica. And indica is a very different kind of marijuana than sativa. There's two types. There's indica, which is like relaxed couch weed. It's like, oh, dude, just go and chill. You know what I'm saying? That's OG kush weed. That's the, yo, dude, just go and chill. You know what I'm saying? That's OG Kush weed.

That's the weed that makes you want to eat and fuck up your diet. Man, fuck up the diet. You know? But Sativa is, I want to watch a documentary. Sativa is, you know, you want to watch the Cosmos and see Carl Sagan on TV. Carl Sagan, by the way, smoked pot every day. That was his shit. And Carl Sagan was a huge activist and advocate of marijuana and enhancing perceptions with it.

Bitch! This guy, the shit. I understand that you and Brian had a little falling out, okay? Let's just be nice, fella. There's no need to get crazy. People are so emo. Yeah, there's a lot of emo people. The Mark Gaydon.

I wonder which guy's got the Mark Gaden now. A lot of people have the Mark Gaden. It's Mark. No, I heard it's not. Sounds like it. A lot of goddamn questions. This guy says, I grow two strains of sativa. You're right, Joe.

First of all, don't ever say you're and spell it like that. You are. Y-O-U. He didn't spell you are, which is the gayest way ever. What are you, a little girl texting you're? I hate that. Y you y-o-u and he didn't spell you are which is the gayest way ever what are you a little girl texting you're i hate that y-o-u and it's not an r there's an apostrophe and then there's an r-e it's short for you are it's not short for something i own you motherfucker have you been playing quake live at all i fucked that up all the time though everybody you were

you were yeah sometimes i do it i... Make no mistake, you're writing. Especially if you can type fairly quickly. Things come out, I'll fuck that up. So I was thinking about getting a regular phone. A skinny like Razer phone. Right. On Verizon Network. And then getting the iPad.

So like if I'm like out in my car, let's pull out my iPad. Have a better internet, but have a solid phone. Hmm. So you're going to go back. Go back, I think. What if someone sends you a picture or a video on your phone? Some asshole. Oh my god, you can't believe this. Check this out. All those do that now.

Yeah? You know? Why did they go with AT&T? Well, you don't have to. Well, here's the thing. No one's thinking of this. They have those MiFis now. So you just have your MiFi that has Verizon Network, and now you have Verizon anywhere you go. You know? Really?

Yeah. They have these boxes that connect and then broadcast wireless. It's called MiFi. Remember I showed you them? Right. They're about this big. So if you have a little case, like a statua, that you have your iPad in, just have that. Throw that in there.

Turn it on. And you have Verizon wherever you go. Look at this motherfucker just hacking the system, bitches. Yeah. And that in there, turn it on, and you have Verizon wherever you go. Look at this motherfucker just hacking the system, bitches. And that's another thing that's going to be big. Man purses are going to

have to come back because of this thing. You know? Man purses. You're a big advocate of the man purse. I love, I actually bought

a domain name. I told you I was addicted to domain names. I bought iPad Sling. So if you know anyone that wants to buy those. Oh shit. You know anyone that makes to buy those? Oh, shit. You know anyone that makes purses?

All right, just my laptop. No, I don't know anybody that makes purses, God damn it. I don't wear a man bag. Yeah, I know, man. Those man pouch, those man bags, they look like a fucking purse to me. Fanny pack looks like a manly choice. Fanny pack doesn't, though. You wear your fanny pack, put that doesn't though all your stuff is right there

somebody wants something you just unzip and you get it to them it's right there see i like my little uh man purse that look because it's made for guns so it looks like a gun satchel but it will fit the ipad so it doesn't look like it's for a gun it looks like it's for jewelry and makeup. I have a review of that. And lipstick and mirrors. Yeah, but you like stepdad style. You got like the, hey, let's go to Disney. Big manly ass fucking fanny pack. I like fanny packs. I wear them all the time.

You should have a fanny pack company, and then you could also sell iPad slings. I don't want to sell an iPad sling, Brian. I'm not buying the ipad but i if i didn't have a kindle i would see what you're saying and but what if you want to buy a portable dvd player for the car or something you're like you want a good one though it's like wouldn't you pay a little extra if you could download the movies while you're in the car okay first of all how dope would it be if you had a screen in your car that's that big no you can do that you can make that screen would it be if you had a screen in your car that's that big? No, you can do that. You can make that screen in your car? Yeah, yeah. You can install it as a screen?

Yeah, you could totally do that. I was thinking that on the way over. Imagine that, GPL. That might be the greatest thing ever. And it's got Bluetooth. How many inches is that? It's 9.7 inches across. That's so thin.

They could just fit it right in your car if you had your dashboard fitted for it. Right. Whoa. You know what's really funny is a lot of people are bashing on it that's not widescreen. Well, all right. There's going to be the bar on the top and the bottom. So they wanted it widescreen.

So what do you mean? They wanted us to, they wanted them to chop off like the top and bottom or make it bigger. If you make it bigger, then that thing would be this big but widescreen.

So it's like a letterbox thing when you watch a video. You see the little black screen. Right. But that's what they had to do. That's what they had to do, man. Duh. They had to do it, man. People don't get widescreen. You don't get it. It definitely

is better to have something that you can read books and watch movies on, if you look at it that way. And video games. Still, it's not that appealing to me because I already have a laptop. And if I'm going to spend time, what is it going to give me that the laptop's not going to? I can watch movies on the laptop. I can watch movies on that. What else can I me that the laptop's not going to? I can watch movies on the laptop.

I can watch movies on that. What else can I do? I can get online on that. I can get online on my laptop better. So what am I doing with it? The applications? Really? Am I?

No. All right. It's the size of a book. So what they're saying is that what if you use it like you have a Razer phone in your pocket, and you go into the comedy club, and you have this little thing the size of a little notepad. It's in a little leather pouch. Well, you can't even keep that bitch in your pocket you're gonna pretend that you're gonna carry that thing around with you everywhere well no no you just throw it in

the car it's like it looks like a little book it's a little book you know so you throw it in the car so that you can use it when you're out when you're out you if you have it in the like steve jobs people are gonna bring those things to restaurants instead of texting they're gonna be sitting there watching a little movie? Yeah, little books. Doing little emails. Checking their calendars. Steve Jobs, you bastard. I think people are bashing it and freaking out about it

because there's a couple things that it doesn't do. It doesn't do flash and stuff, but that's another reason. Steve Jobs is fucking us up, man. I think once that thing's on the market, people are going to go crazy for it. It's technology. All right, let's read some questions from these people. Gears of War. Fuck yeah, that game is awesome.

That's another game. I'm scared of that game. I don't want to get locked in that world. I'm playing that shit online every day. Too fun, man. Remember, we got a chance to see that early on. We got a chance. We were in North Carolina, and I met Cliffy B. from Epic Games,

and he got us in, and we got a look at the models of Gears of War way before it was released. It was fucking crazy. And the new stuff they're working on, like these new enemies, they're so insane. He showed us a demo of some of this stuff, and the guys at id Software did too, Tim Willits and Todd Hollingshead and John Carmack and those guys.

Those guys are super cool. They let us come and check out all the new stuff they're doing. That's my favorite all-time game is Quake. But like I said, I'm scared. Did you know that they did a report on browser crashes on computers? Yeah. And I think it was 85% of all browser crashes were because of Flash.

Whoa. That's a big number. Whoa. 85% because other than Flash you got JavaScript you got a couple things but 85%.

That's crazy. How is that allowed? Well, that's just it. People are freaking out about something that's a plugin. You know? HTML 5.0 is about to come out, which will make Flash pretty much unnecessary.

Why? How does it make Flash unnecessary? Well, see, the problem is they started using Flash back in the day because that was an easy way to take video, put it on the internet so anyone can watch it because people's internet connections kind of sucked, and it was in one format. What HTML 5.0 does is pretty much make it, I think it's H2.64, like a video will just play in the browser, kind of like how a GIF works. Right, right. Like animated GIF will work no matter what, because it's made in the coding of

the browser. So this will make videos and stuff like that just be in the coding and just work. Right. be in the coding and just work. So, guess who's making or editing the HTML 5.0 coding? This is kind of interesting. A guy that works at Google and a guy that works

at Apple. So you have long had this theory that there's a battle going on between Apple and Flash and you think that one of the reasons why Apple has such a hard time working with Flash

is to make it shitty on purpose so that people move away from Flash. Well, I think that's a good theory, definitely. But the big thing is that no one in Silicon Valley works together. Amazon and Apple, and they're all not working together

as a team. They're all having to fight and do the opposite of what this person's doing. If Flash releases a new plug-in that works with Firefox or whatever, but doesn't work for Safari, they're trying to work for Safari, but Safari changes something

and then it fucks all their shit up. It's constantly like that with everything in Silicon Valley. Because they don't work together. They don't work together. So you just think it's odd that they're working together? Are you sensing a conspiracy, Brian? If so, please say it. I'm sensing Flash is getting pushed out for some reason,

mostly because of the security reasons. It's very open for you can get hacked and security with Flash and stuff like that. And I think it's getting pushed out, especially when HTML 5.0 comes out, which is probably coming soon. HTML 5.0 can't do what Flash does, buddy, and it's proprietary codec. It's... what? This is what this guy says.

Filbert 007. Yeah, go Google search HTML 5.0. Go look at Wikipedia or whatever, and it'll even explain it in there. It's pretty much known that once HTML 5.0. Go look at Wikipedia or whatever, and it'll even explain it in there. It's pretty much known that once HTML 5.0 comes out, that Flash, for the most part, is going to be hurting. Hmm. Okay. Well, the gauntlet's been thrown down.

A challenge has been made. YouTube has already switched over all their videos to 5.0. What is this guy's asking? So has Vimeo. Vimeo.com, I believe, just switched over to 5.0. What is this guy's asking? So has Vimeo. Vimeo.com, I believe, just switched over to 5.0 ready. Meaning that's why YouTube now works on your iPhone.

Hold on a second. This guy's asking a question. What's with the censoring on this social message board? What is the censor? It's like if you try to Twitter something and you swear on this, will it change it? Maybe. Is that why that guy wrote that? Fucking like that? Oh, maybe. I don't know. Is that true, folks? You can't swear on this, will it change it? Maybe. Is that why that guy wrote that? It's fucking like that?

Oh, maybe. I don't know. Is that true, folks? You can't swear on this? It's probably a setting if there is. It has to be a setting. Please tell me that's a setting. That is, you know, people don't think that's a big deal.

Like, I always make a big deal out of the fact that, you know, censorship of certain words, you know. And people say, what's the big deal? Why do you have to be rude? Why can't you just not say those particular words when you're around certain people or in certain situations? That's a way of controlling us. It's nonsense. It makes no sense whatsoever. Words don't mean anything other than intention. What's important is that you're expressing your intention. You're expressing what you're thinking. The idea of magic words is it's poison to the language. It's terrible. To have words that you can't use around certain people

and you can't use when you broadcast them, you'll be fined hundreds of thousands of dollars. That is just a gigantic distraction. That's complete total mind control. It's a technique that they're using to try to control the population there's no other way around it there's why else is censorship is what it offends people why does it offend people you don't have to listen to it the government's going after it why are they going after they're going after it because some people are very offended by it

whether it's religious people or you know know, really conservative people. But why? Why are they offended by it? It's nonsense. It's a fucking huge distraction. It's just a word. Whether you say, I fucked her or I had sex with her, you can't say I fucked her. Like, is that really hurting someone's feelings? So what happened on the, you know, the night that you proposed to your wife? Well, I fucked her. You know what I mean? Is that bad? Well, I had sex with her. It's the same thing. You're saying the same thing. It's not offending me if you say you fucked her. You know?

If you say, ow, that fucking hurt. I'm not going to get... Why would I be upset? What kind of a douchebag gets upset if you stub your toe and you go,

ow, that fucking hurt. Who gets mad at that? Who the fuck thinks that's wrong to say? It's a trick. Yeah, but if we didn't do that, then words wouldn't be as powerful as they are now. They would be just as powerful.

Yeah, maybe you're like, fuck you! You're like, eh, whatever, I heard fuck you five times today. You hear fuck you five times today already, dude. That's the problem. If it was some exotic word that nobody used, like cunt still has a good amount of zing to it. It's the only one, other than racial epitaphs. There has to be a way to turn off

the censoring thing, right? I don't know, ladies and gentlemen. Is there a way to turn it off? The social stream appears to be censored. Because why would they censor that, but yet I could say funk, fuck, cunt bag right now and that's even worse than typing. I don't know, man. It's how you say it, this man says.

Would I let my kid curse? Fuck yeah, it's just words say it this man says would I let my kid curse fuck yeah it's just words god damn it people are so weird wow you really are censored I don't see a single swear no one can swear

no everyone has to write that effing I think it's twitter it's not twitter that's nuts it must be ustream yeah it's totally ustream

but it might be just a setting you could you could say anything on twitter okay well that dude who was talking earlier uh with th chit and we were giving you a hard time with the way you wrote something i completely apologize sir i was out of line i did not know that you actually couldn't write the word fuck and you had to write all that other nonsense my apologies kind sir all right so it doesn't look like you can turn it off, or at least no one's saying anything.

Teach that to a kid and have him repeat it in school. I don't know what this question was about, sir. Okay, well, thank you, Austin Curtis. Austin C. Curtis, because if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't even have known that it is censored. This guy says the Bible is just rubbish. English people have such cool things to say. Rubbish? Yeah.

I mean, that sounds fucking cool. Yeah, but they have some gay things that they say. Yeah. Go to the loo. Yeah. Take a leak. But you know what my favorite is? Proper.

You know, like if something like, oh, that's a proper sports car. Yeah, proper. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like when they say that. There's something that sounds dope about that. Nah, that's a i like that i like that i like when they say that there's something that sounds dope about that now that's a proper cell phone you know did you see it on the telly fuck you in the telly yeah well the telly doesn't bother me that much i like england though man i

enjoy it over there doing comedy over there it's fun yeah they're fucking cool you know it's like our comedy translates directly to them shiteite. Their comedy doesn't translate the same. You know, like their stand-ups don't translate as... Some of them make it over here. I mean, obviously, Sasha Baron Cohen, who in my opinion is one of the funniest guys of all time. But he's not really a stand-up comic. He's like a crazy prankster, hilarious guy. Did you see somebody was fucking a chicken on a subway yesterday?

And somebody recorded it on video. Just like, you know how it's sauce-ed. It's one of the signs of the apocalypse. That's what that shit is. I think it's on delisted.com. How did that guy get hard? How did he get hard? Oh, you can say cunt if you space it out.

This guy wrote cunt. It's a great word. He spaced it out. You clever bastard. It's just like Battlestar Galactica. They just start changing the words. They'll be farking. That was the craziest thing ever on Battlestar Galactica. They just start changing the words and they'll be farting. Yeah. You know,

like, that was the craziest thing ever on Battlestar Galactica. What the frack? What the frack? Like,

you could really say that? I mean, so dumb. It just shows you how dumb it is that we still have magic words

that you can't say. Yeah, people having sex with chickens is freaky. You've seen chicken you seen chicken porn i think that egg hole supposed to feel real good it's weird that like some animals like what sheep are supposed to have like a perfect feeling vagina it's supposed to be just like a real one yeah sheep supposedly yeah which is weird i know right that was when Jesus' pet

growing up right banging sheeps and shit this dude is this is pretty funny Z the dirty banana says my brother-in-law's a Brit I like when he says proper fucked

like when describing trash proper fucked I fucked a proper that's totally how they would say it mate I was proper fucked you know

come on that's a cool fucking thing to say proper fucked that's and you have to say that but that's like cool fucking thing to say. Proper fucked. And you have to say that, but that's like something you have to say with an English accent. You can say like, yeah, I was out there, we were getting drinking, we had a fucking

drink on, listen, I was proper fucked. You go, what? People go, what? Fucking shy cunt. I was proper fucked. Yeah, and the way they say cunt is so much better. They say cunt constantly. Cunt is not as strong over there as it is over here.

Because they say it all the time. It's like they're way more liberal with the use of the word cunt. Chicks throw cunt around all the time. Cunt. Give me a fucking cunting cigarette. Cunting is a great word. When cunt's not good enough, it's cunting. You know? It's like it takes cunting cigarette. Cunting is a great word. When cunt's not good enough, it's cunting. You know?

It's like, takes cunt deeper. It's like, you're so bored with saying cunt, you say cunt so often that you add an ing on the end of it. That's how hard you roll. Fucking cunting cigarette. You know, you say that, man, that's someone who's used to cunt. Cunting fag.

I need to smoke a fag. We need a stoner president that would get things done. Supposedly, there's a picture of Obama smoking a joint. Yeah. But I don't know if it's a joint. There's no way to tell. He's definitely smoked weed before, but man, I don't think there's any way he could be doing it now. First of all, yeah, we do need a president that sees other ways of looking at things. That's what we need.

Whether a president's a yoga master and does it all naturally, or whether our president's a stoner, or whether our president's a guy who likes to go into the jungle and take ayahuasca with the shaman. We need someone who has a leader's way of seeing the world, someone who sees it outside of this crazy predetermined pattern that we're on right now. You know, I mean, I wrote this article about, it's on my blog about the Large Hadron Collider

and how crazy it is that like, at a certain point in time, science got to this weird point. And I'm not trashing it in any way, because I'm fascinated by technology. I'm just making an observation that when we first started inventing things, it was to improve the quality of our life. You know, we invented spears so that we didn't have to chase after the animals and bite them with our teeth. You know, we invented things. We invented houses so we're surviving the rain. But at a certain point in time, it got completely past that. And now, even though we have all sorts of things to deal with with the human race,

like poverty and what's going on in Haiti and Liberia, the Vice Guide to Liberia if you haven't seen that document god damn these fucking dudes went to Liberia which is this crazy nation in Africa that has like rampant cannibalism like people are constantly killing each other and eating each other they're selling human meat on the street this I mean this one dude talked about he was this warlord they They called him general butt naked, and this fucking crazy guy would kill babies. He talks about it, how he would kill innocent children from the opposing tribe or whoever the fuck they were at war with, cut out their heart,

and they would all eat the heart, and it would strengthen them for battle and make them invulnerable to bullets. He ate a lot of people. This guy talks openly about eating people, about what you eat. If you're hungry, for hunger, you eat like the soft part, like the stomach and the inside of the thigh because it's tender. I mean, he's talking about like what you eat, what part of a person. He was talking about, he turned this guy in who was eating street food, like he bought some chicken skewers or something. And it was human meat. And he could tell because he's eaten it so many times. So he explained to the police, this guy's serving human food, and you have him arrested, and now the guy's a crazy evangelist, and he preaches in front of all these people. He's killed thousands of people.

What's the name of that documentary? The Vice Guide to Liberia. Yeah, tweet that. A lot of people are asking that. Jesus Christ, I've got to tweet that. I mean, one of the craziest fucking things I've ever seen. You know what's weird is that Obama still struggles with his cigarette addiction.

He's always talking about that. How he just started back up and stuff. I'm going to post one of eight. I'll post it up on Twitter right now. You're going to have to find them. You know, if you just... The site is very clunky, the Vice Guide site. These guys that put the site together, they didn't do such a great job putting the site together,

but the footage is incredible. You know, I mean, what they're doing is just amazing. The stuff, they're getting deep into this. Like, Liberia is like, literally like a scene in a horror movie. Like, it's like a lot. They went to a brothel in Liberia, and it's just like Saw. I mean, it literally is. It's like hostile.

It's insane. And it's real, and it's happening right now. I'm posting it up on Twitter right now. This is the first one. This is part one. This is the first one, this is part one. But it's, you mean it really will change, the apocalypse is here. It just hasn't hit America. It's here.

It's in Mexico, it's in Liberia, it's in Haiti right now, it's all over the fucking world. There's big crazy shit is happening all over the world. This is not happening in America yet. You look at how Liberia is, that's going to change the way you look at everything. The fact that this could go on today in 2010 and not even have it be a subject that makes the 5 o'clock news. You know that it's more important to find out some new girl that Tiger Woods fucked. I mean really, there's people in Liberia that are eating people on a regular basis. It's fucking crazy.

Wait till you watch it. It's gonna... They show it. They show a guy with a human heart. They show a kid, a young kid, talking about, oh, that's the good meat.

That's the good meat. The person... Talking about eating your enemies. Whoa. What the fuck, man? It's pretty heavy shit. All right. Back to the... What the fuck, man? It's pretty heavy shit. All right.

Who the fuck is calling me, you motherfuckers? Put your home phone on vibrate. All right. Oh, what happened? It went away. I apologize, ladies and gentlemen. My bad. I was going to ask you something, but I totally...

Well, you know what? You see me every day, motherfucker. Let's get some questions from these folks who don't even know me. Well, I've been trying to ask you questions from these questions. Oh, okay. Let's go for some. But now I forget what I was going to ask you. It's a fine line, ladies and gentlemen, between letting the rant come out, letting the ramble,

and I want to answer your questions. But, you know, every now and then I get something, a rant line, ladies and gentlemen, between letting the rant come out, letting the ramble, and I want to answer your questions, but every now and then, I get something, a rant comes, and I think, for entertainment purposes, it's best to roll with it. Have you talked to Stan Hope lately? I have not seen Paranormal Activity, but I want to. I haven't talked to Stan Hope in a while. I last time I talked to him

was probably a couple months ago. He was telling me he was going to come into LA and we were going to try to schedule a crackle. The show that never goes anywhere. We have to do that soon, man. Let's get cracking, son. Seriously.

The crackle show? Yeah. Not tell people. We can't tell you what it is. Yeah. Do you watch the Pakistan gun market thing on Vice TV? No.

The only thing I've seen on Vice TV right now is that Liberia thing. But what those guys are doing is incredible. And I've heard all their videos are incredible. Vice Guide to Liberia. And again, I just posted it on Twitter. But if you just go to vbs.tv, that's their website.

And they have so much different shit there. It's incredible. These guys have giant cast iron balls. I mean, this dude drove to this fucking town in Liberia that's like this shanty town where there's no electricity. There's piss and shit in the streets. And this dude and a truck, they drove in there. People started yelling, give us money, give us some money.

Like, it's crazy. They could have been hacked apart alive. I mean, literally, it's like a scene in a goddamn horror movie. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh my God, why?

The girl says from the video of Chimpy Monkeys. Because you need to know. You need to know, God damn it. I need to know where that hair came from.

I think it was my cat's hair. Yeah, hopefully. Sneaky bitch. Tastes like her hair. i've had her hair in my mouth um questions i didn't put up a a website thing here on the message board usually i do maybe someone could someone's asked questions in the message board Get Bravo Indian drunk on Ustream No Because this is my house

Bravo is not He's not allowed to drink in my house When you have babies That's the first thing you want to cut out Is Eddie being drunk in your house Forget about sharp corners And knives W out is Eddie being drunk in your house. Just protect the baby. Forget about sharp corners and knives. Worry about Eddie being drunk in your house.

Joe, do you mind if this girl sleeps in the baby room with him? Yeah, I got this honey coming over us. What? I got this honey coming over. Can sleep in the crib. What? Dude, are you drunk? Yeah, what's the big deal? I have a family, man.

That's hilarious. Bum, bum. Okay, let me answer a few more questions and we're going to leave soon because we've been doing these for two hours and that's how we're going to keep doing it. In the future, we've got a bunch of them that we're going to figure out today how to get up on itunes uh we record just the audio portion of it separately any news on

your website i got a crazy website designer who knows what he's doing he's working on some crazy shit when it comes out it's going to be dope though. So I'll leave it for now. But in the meanwhile, Brian may build a bridge. He may build a website to bridge us between this website and the future website. Because he's chomping at the bit. I am. So what is your review page? Is it – what is your – is it your MySpace? Is it Let's Find Jesus?

Yeah, they're all on RedBand.com or if you just want to check out the video part of it because I have a written review and a regular video review. But if you go to youtube.com backslash Let's Find Jesus Okay, but you can go to redband.com redband.com is all on there. R-E-D-B-A-N R-E-D-B-A-N.com

Seriously, if you ever want the best review of the droid I've ever seen is his review. he breaks that shit down I was talking about this today with customer service like technology hasn't helped us

in any way trying to like when you're on the phone going no D like dog B like boy you know like there's nothing

that has been invented to distinguish D's and B's and stuff yeah you have to say a beta alpha P as in penis

don't you always use like alpha, P as in penis. Don't you always use words like D as in dick? I do, I do. This guy was being really annoying and I was trying to sign up for my Sirius, so I kept using swear words. S like in shit, D as in dick. And he was like, okay, okay, okay. It was like, he was annoying me.

So I was like, I didn't even know he was annoying me. That's hilarious. He was just being so unhelp like i didn't know he was annoying me that's hilarious he was just being so unhelpful like when i was talking to him like listen man i've been a customer for a long time why are you being awkward with me so uh i was way holding off for the verizon iphone since that didn't come should i go with the pre or what should i do yeah verizon fucked us we thought that we were going to get the uh wed. Yeah. And it was going to be a new... I'm going to check a look at the Pre

because, like I said, I like this for the phone, but it's pretty much, you know... You know what the Pre also has? It has an option to be a MiFi where it broadcasts Verizon network. Really? So if you get the iPad,

you can broadcast Verizon network and then connect it. That's pretty badass. I like the Pre, too could broadcast Verizon network and then connect it. That's pretty badass. I like the Pre too. It seems to be as responsive as an iPhone. It seems to be the only one. See that video? They opened up 50 applications at once. You can't do that with this

fucking clunky hunk of shit. Seriously, this is like a dumb knockoff from a third world country. Storm 2. You ever see those fake yeah the storm two is have you seen those fake um iphones they make in other countries that are just clunky yeah yeah shit you know that that's what this is like it's like it's so beyond it's so behind tour two come out yet not yet it's like that's what i want to get february 3rd i believe

that comes out i might not get that though if the palm pre is because i like the way the palm thing slides out. I like the Palm Pre. The screen is way nicer. Plus, I've always been a fan of Palm. It looks like they got their shit together on this one. Palm, did you get your shit together? I hated the last one we had.

Remember we all had Trio 700s or whatever? Yeah, we all had that, but we thought it was the shit. At first, then it started freezing up all the time, and we were like, fuck this phone. Yeah, I think I might get that. What can we see in your book when it comes out unfortunately i don't have any fucking pictures of when i was younger not very very very few um but it's all about uh the road about doing stand-up when i first started out i just got a bunch of

crazy stories that i thought would be a good first book to write you know it's just it's basically just crazy road gigs like trying to make it as a stand-up comedian. You don't realize how strange it is. It's such a crazy life. And it's – you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know where you're going. It's the most unsure way to make a living, to try to be a professional stand-up comedian. Pre is not all that. Can't open that many apps.

What are you talking about, stupid? Yeah, what are you talking about? There are you talking about there's a video plus it's online just go watch it the old one you couldn't open up that many gaps but the pre plus is much more internal memory you need to be on top of it yeah this conversation with brian reichelman yeah the pre plus can actually there's a video of somebody opening up 50 apps at once and it's still playing Need for Speed. Hey, you guys, you put up a contest for people to be on your show. Laziest stalker ever. See, I just did it. Is Alex Jones an agent?

Yeah, people always want to know that. Actually, he's Bill Hicks, and that's true. Stanhope is in Austin today. He should have stopped in to see Alex Jones. Would they get along? Yeah. They're friends. Stanhope and, yeah, Alex is friends with both of us.

We all talk about how crazy he is. But last time, Alex Jones got on a stage or something like that. Yeah, that was a couple years ago. I have video of that. Yeah. Alex is crazy. He's a nice guy, though, isn't he? Alex? Oh, I love hanging out with the dude. He's a nice guy though, isn't he? Alex? Oh, I love hanging out with the dude.

He's fun to hang out with. But every time I ramble with the guy, I always feel bad for him because I feel like I'm like, just relax. Just calm down. He's very high-strung. He doesn't turn off. Very high-strung fellow. Loves the UFC. Whoever's doing Mark Gaden's not that funny right now must be angry amadeus did i watch the state of the union any thoughts i didn't watch it did you watch it

what state of the union who cares you know it's almost like at this point in time i thought that right before obama got elected you know when when it looked like he was going to win, I was like, wow, this is so crazy. This guy's going to win? Like, it really felt like things were going to change. You know, it really felt like, wow, maybe voting is real. You know, this guy can get an office? This guy's a black guy from a single mom. You know, and the way he says he's going to get everybody out of Afghanistan and get everybody out of Iraq.

Meanwhile, he hasn't done anything. Well, he also said when he was running, this is a long road. I've got a lot of my... He never said it was going to be quick. He's said this the whole time. 700,000 more troops to Afghanistan. Yeah.

And I'm not a military expert, but what we have to look at for real is we have real problems at home. We have real... When you look at the enemy, you look at attacks on America, there's this big, giant distraction. The big fear is things we have to worry about from other nations,

from all over the place. There's a lot of crime and violence in America that we've got to worry about. Before we worry about crime, a giant group called the Taliban acting to kill Americans, worry about the thousands of people that we gotta worry about. Before we worry about crime, you know, a giant group called the Taliban acting to kill Americans, worry about the thousands of people that we kill every day. And how the fuck do we put a stop to that shit?

How do we put a stop to senseless, violent crime in America? And then we gotta deal with the fact that we're right next door to Mexico. And Mexico is way crazier than Iraq and Afghanistan combined. More people get murdered in Mexico than anywhere in the world. The war on drugs in Mexico, there's five times more casualties this year. Something like that. Victor Dabula, the guy who does the Spanish version of my job for the UFC, great guy.

He was living in Juarez. And he told me, it was some crazy statistic you'll have to google it but it was like five times more people died in in Juarez in one year than died in the Iraq war I mean it's nuts man they're they're just killing people left and right down there and the reason why they're doing it is because there's so much money in selling illegal drugs to the United States from Mexico I mean it's incredible these guys get so goddamn rich and they're fighting over so much that the violence is insane and they're killing police officers and politicians and they brought over fucking tanks and shit they got tanks run through the

streets in Juarez. I mean this shit is happening literally into a country that's connected to us. You can fucking drive there. It's not, you don't have to fly, you know, halfway across the world to deal with some conflict whereas the enemy is there. The enemy is anybody who's murdering people, all right? Anybody who's so fucking crazy they're killing five times more people than dying in a war. I mean, it's right there.

That's a war. There's a war that we're not even involved in. It's connected to us. It's fucking dangerous. They're getting rich as shit. And they have tanks. And who knows what they're gonna get. I mean, in Mexico, you could probably buy jets, you know? They could probably buy, like, fucking US Army jets from Russia. Who the fuck knows? They have billions and billions and billions of dollars.

I mean, they're so rich. It's scary shit, man. Very scary shit. We're worried about what's going on in Afghanistan. But the problem is there's money in Afghanistan. There's natural gas. There's money in Iraq. There's oil. Controlling the natural gas pipeline. The reason why people have been trying to get to Afghanistan over and over again for so many years, where the Soviets invaded them. They're trying to get the resources.

Whenever we fuck with other countries, we're trying to get their resources. That's it. In the future with the electric cars, do you think people are going to be blowing up radio shacks? Like, protect the radio shack! Batteries, never mind. Ha ha ha ha ha. I didn't get that one at all. You didn't even get it.

You said it. The cartel is insane. Yeah, it is insane, man. It's scary shit. Where do you get this Gracie shirt from? I got it from the Gracie Jiu-Jitsu website. I'm not exactly sure what the name of it is. Who is that?

That bitch got cut. That is... I don't know. Oh, it's a girl that said they would beat her up while she was pregnant. Who's Steven Jackson? I don't know, like a football player. Ex-girlfriend. Oh, that's why. I know. She bears the results of being attacked. Oh, attack

at the hands of the NFL star. Oh, shit. Let me cut ya! Damn. You want... Who knows? She might be crazy. Have I ever played Quake live? Yes, I have. It's fucking amazing. Orale. Orale. Or orale what does that mean exactly i don't know what that means chinga mexico this guy says you know it's it's crazy that we have countries still i mean it's

crazy that there's like an area where if you're born over here you're fucked you're shit out of luck and we don't let you come to the good spot it's not like just one planet that we all live on we like separate it we guard the borders and we have fucking guns and shit and no you know there's like a lot of stories about Border Patrol shooting people that are you know like holding a rock at a hundred yards you know you can't hit him with a rock you know there's headshot on bang she was threatening us you know like it's pretty nutty man just because you're on the other side of the fence. It's such an uncompassionate

thing, you know, the whole idea of these teams, you know, and not allow and everybody says, well, if you let them over, they would just come over in a swarm and they would fuck up the whole culture. Really? Would they? Aren't they already here? I mean, in L.A., I mean, how many illegals are there in L.A.?

How much more would it be if it was legal? Dude, there's less white people. Do you think everybody would just come over? If they said, okay, now there's no immigration, it's just one country. United States, Canada, and Mexico. Everything that's attached is one country. I think so. What would happen?

They would just all come over. There would be nobody in Mexico. Yeah. You could get some badass deals on houses in Mexico, then. Then it would all, like, settle out over a few generations. No shit. People would realize Baja California is pretty fucking dope. Dude, the cost of living here is ridiculous.

I've been looking at lofts lately now because I was at this party and this dude owned a loft. It was amazing. I was like, oh, this is perfect for people that have a lot of shit. Lofts, it's just a big room. It should be cheaper. Right. Lofts are going for $2,000, $3,000 out here for just – it's amazing how expensive lofts are. Yeah.

Have you ever been to a loft? No. It is weird though how things are really expensive, you know, in cities. Like New York City apartments are the nuttiest things ever. New York City apartments are like – Yeah, it's retarded. You have to pay like $3,000 for a little tiny place. Yeah.

That's – I mean how do people afford that? I mean that's nuts, Yeah. That's crazy. I mean, how do people afford that? I mean, that's nuts, man. It's impossible. That's got to be like a significant percentage, and people go, well, you know, I don't have to have a car because I take the subway everywhere. That's all well and good, but you don't feel trapped. No. You don't feel tethered to this machine. Yeah.

You really want that? God damn it. Damn it. The North American Union, this gentleman says. Pantera 33. Yeah, that's what it's supposed to be it's supposed to be a North American Union it's supposed to be this fucking crazy how would you describe it

new world order conspiracy that we're moving towards one world government and sort of how like in Europe they have the Euro that like goes through one money source that we're going to do that with the Amero in America. And Lou Dobbs actually talked about it on CNN.

But Lou Dobbs might be crazy. Obama was really interesting when he addressed it. He addressed it during his campaign. He said he sees no evidence for that. And it makes you wonder, how much do you think they really know? How much do you think, I mean, who the fuck does Obama answer to? What happens when you actually get in office? A cat.

That's the secret. There's this really smart cat. There's an Egyptian cat with a golden headdress, and it just sits there. Obama, you must. Don't make me turn you into salt, bitch. Yeah. I mean, what do you think happens when they get in there? I mean, do they meet with the heads of these gigantic corporations that spend millions of dollars on their campaign?

They must. They must, you know. I mean, that's one of the things that they said about Bush, that Bush met with the heads of all these different energy companies and oil companies. And it's like common practice that like, or it's common knowledge rather, that policy was dictated after he had these meetings like they had worked it out but that's what I mean how does anybody not expect that if you pay people millions of dollars you give them millions of dollars your money to get them into office once they're in office I mean you bribe them I mean you bribe them what do you do why would you else

you spend millions of dollars I mean if you're a you know an oil company why why why are you giving politicians all this money? Because you want them to take it easy on you. You're bribing them. It's nuts. It's crazy that that's legal. The Supreme Court recently just stopped the cap on spending on it.

They said that they treated them as an individual, that a corporation is like an individual so they can spend as much money on campaigns as they want. That's crazy. They're going to have all kinds of nutty-ass commercials, like that talking dog commercial that they came up with.

Didn't Obama just put a spending freeze, though, on a lot of the money last week? I thought that was the whole thing. I don't know. He probably talked about it last night. Well, he was horrified by it, I'm sure. He was talking about it. But I think that's also just because people were horrified by it. I think they just got so greedy and horrific that they needed to take a step back.

They go, listen, we fucked up. This is like people might storm the White House with guns. This is getting crazy. Now, even people that run the corporations are like, really? They're going to let us do this? Is this democracy? Is this really what the United States was founded on? You stream this week doesn't seem like it's been fucking up.

Has it been fucking up at all? No. You stream looks fine this week. Does anybody have a problem with, we were ready to jump ship, you dirty bitches. Maybe it was a storm last week. It could have been a storm last week. It could have been this.

Obama did right after the budgets got increased by 35%. That's what this guy says. Obama did right after the budgets got increased by 35%. That's what this guy says. Obama did what? What was the question? He was saying that Obama put a cap on the spending that he did after the budget got increased by 35%, so they increased it. So they changed it by 35%, and then

he put a cap on it, so it made it look like he was doing something to stop it, but really they didn't. Is that what you're saying? Well, it seems like the spending freeze is in 2011, he said. It's all fucking nuts, man. That's why I don't follow this stupid shit. It's so complex. Politics are so complex that at a certain point in time you have to look at your resources.

You have to look at your life and go, how much time do i have to deal with this shit how much time do i have to take care of my children to pay my bills to manage my career to go to the gym to hang out with my friends to play a couple games of pool how much fucking time do you have in a day and that's why they can just fuck you and keep fucking you. That's why these cigarette and alcohol companies get away with contributing millions of dollars to a partnership for a drug-free America. And then they make commercials like the one with the talking dog that tells the girl to stop smoking weed. It's just corruption, and it's blatant, and it's right in front of our eyes. I mean, the system is so fucked up that it's almost like someone else has to come in and fix it. It's almost like we're like Lord of the Flies, just a giant, large-scale version of it.

And we're just fucking going crazy. We're allowing corporations and these dudes to make millions and millions of dollars just by fucking us. All this stimulus money that went to all these banks that they don't have to account for, it's fucking us. All this stimulus money that went to all these banks that they don't have to account for, it's fucking chaos. I mean, that is a mad grab for cash, where dudes are saying, well, we've got to give them their bonuses. We don't give them their bonuses, they're going to leave.

They're going to leave, so that's why they should get millions of dollars of taxpayers' money while the whole economy melts in front of everybody's eyes? That's incredible. They're so bold that they want bonuses while everything's falling apart and going under because they have contracts. And then they say, whoa, we're going to lose them to other corporations. No. You're supposed to lose them.

Your fucking bank failed, stupid. Holy shit. I mean, it's amazing how just blatant they are. It's almost like it's so corrupt that nothing's going to fix it. And I feel like when I think about investing my time and trying to pay attention to it, or God for fucking bid, trying to do something to fix it, it's like, it's so fucked up. It would take a hundred lives of a hundred people living a hundred lives just to bring it back to baseline. Just to bring it back to no corruption.

You know, politics in America are so fucked up and corrupt. And when I talk to people that really know about it, like, I know some dudes who run some big businesses, and I've talked to them about politics, about what campaigns and what contributing is really all about.

It's fucking horrifying. It's horrifying. It should be all illegal. It's fucking horrifying. It's horrifying. It should be all illegal. It should be illegal for politicians to talk while someone else writes their speeches. Totally illegal. There's no way you should be a guy reading a goddamn script written by 20 experts in English. And the right way to phrase things. And great writers who know how to mimic some of the responses that people got to historical speeches you know like well teddy roosevelt was in a similar situation this

is what he said and i think we need to address that and the founding fathers of this country really knew best we need to address that and they they calculate it so perfectly to make you interesting we don't even know who the fuck obama is we know that he's pretty cool, calm, and collected, but until you see a dude that until we have... Obama doesn't write a lot of his own shit, though. You've got to give him that. But it's all nonsense anyway. If he was talking like that in your house, you would think he's crazy.

What we need to do as a nation and as individuals... Why can't he just talk to us? Why do they have to talk like that? Why can't they get on stage and go, listen, you know, There's a certain age group that's almost dead,

but once they die, I think we're going to be like that. You think so, right? I think so, too. I think it's just an age group that if he didn't do that, then people would be like, what the fuck?

You know, maybe in 30 years, the president's going to be like you are, you know? I think you got a good point. Yeah, I think you got a good point. I think that's real possible point i think that's real possible i mean that age group's just got to go and once they're gone weed's gonna be legal anybody before the internet pre-internet oh my god you know if you didn't embrace the internet god you're just you're you're riding on a buggy man you're riding on an animal yeah you know all that that nutty i mean can't we have a president that's that gets on stage and talks like a normal human he raps this is the no i mean a guy who gets on stage and goes well

here's our situation you ever seen that guy ray kurtz will uh explain uh technological uh the singularity and the exponential increase in technology the way he explains it is like a regular dude he's not talking about it like it's the future. God bless America. He's not getting all crazy and dramatic and theatrical. He's just giving you information. It's weird that people feel like they just have to do that. Like Alex Jones even. It's a fake drama. I don't mind real drama. I don't mind if the guy's talking and if I feel like he's just – and you can tell that sincerity. And that's one of the reasons why they put on that so obvious fake voice because it masks insincerity. That's what's the most offensive about politician speeches.

If they had to talk, if they had to go up there and go, well, what I want to do is – first of all, I want to end this war. I'm trying to figure out how. We've got to get out of Afghanistan. First thing we're going to do is we're going to set up Iraq. We're going to get out of there. And if he said it like a guy who was just talking to you, you would be able to see where the bullshit is. But by masking it in political speech,

in that speech, you know, that mode, that specific predetermined pattern. News broadcasters and everyone. We stand at a crossroads blah blah blah and when they talk like that it's agreed that it's going to sound like bullshit and it masks bullshit i just thought that up too newscasters somebody tweet that so i remember because that's a bit there's a bit in there somewhere right yeah well it's a bit in there somewhere that's why they speak

speeches like that because you would if they were speaking like a regular person you'd know they're full of shit yeah but why do the news people

and radio stations have to do it because they're trying to get that paper what if you watched the news and was like

dude there was a fire today check this shit out we filmed this on main street look at this building that's all fucked up first of all

it's really hard for people to be themselves on camera it takes a long time yeah but they train them to be that way they train them to have that voice that's why the weather person and the traffic person in every city all sound the same like on radio yeah we have to have the certain down on main street well it looks like got clear sailing on the 405 yeah they have a certain way of doing it because that's you know it's sort of like strip club djs too it's like, they're nervous so they fall into this pattern because it makes them more comfortable. Some stand up comedians sound like that too.

You know, some stand up comedians, you can tell, they're trying to sound like a comic. Like that was a big thing in the 80s. There was a bunch of guys who weren't saying jack shit, but they were saying it like comics and they would get laughs. There was a few guys on this next but a the eighties was really easy for shitty comedy a lot of guys like slip through there's so much comedy they never learned how to talk as themselves there was like the wacky comedy voice guy

to do to 420 parts are you already gone 420 Is it it? 420 Food time You guys ever talk about Michael Leonhart Appointed Head of the DEA

No I don't know You know what It's like It's the same thing as like Open up the doors to Mexico It's like I don't know the solution

And the problem with the DEA is Really yeah They shouldn't be Busting people for pot Pot should be legal but there are some drugs that are fucking terrible for you you know there's real drugs are terrible for you and a lot of them are sold by fucking pharmacies all right how about oxycontin you got a real problems what's that thing we were talking about earlier the oxycontin Express but these DEA guys and all this they have families and they

have jobs you know and this is what they're doing and a lot of them signed up to do the right thing, to try to protect communities. And then they get involved in it, and I think that's when things get squirrely. And, you know, you do realize that, yeah, it is kind of fucking silly that I could tell a guy, you can't do this, and I'm going to lock him in a cage, and you think you're doing okay because you're just doing your job. Well, if they make pot legal, that's 50% of the fucking people who are in prison for nonviolent drug offenses do you just immediately cancel out all their all their their their cases and let them out or do you say no you live in the dark ages so you're fucked you know you lived in the ages when it was illegal i mean you'd have to let everybody out of jail you'd have to let like half the people out of jail

what that's crazy they're all fucked up now they've been in jail and they're all hardened they've been there for jail and they're all hardened. They've been there for five years and they're fucking angry. Unless you're going to pay them, how are you going to let them out of jail? You're going to give them millions of dollars? They're going to all sue. Okay. So now you got millions of people who want millions of dollars. You don't think the economy is fucked now. Let people out. Make pot illegal or make pot legal. Let people out of jail. Make the DEA close down because you're not going to go after drugs. legal let people out of jail make the dea closed down because you're not going to go after drugs fuck it's it's like the the web we have already woven is so polluted it's so hard to to extradite yourself from it is that the right word i'm trying to be smart immaculation yeah you know

i'm saying like trying to be immaculate with my structure of my linguistics You're doing the fake speech thing Yeah I was doing the fake speech thing But it is what it is What's the sickest thing you've ever seen You brother I don't know what does that mean What's the sickest thing you've ever seen I've seen some sick things

Have you been to the Ronald Reagan museum here in California No I haven't You should go It's pretty crazy that people like when i was a kid ronald reagan was a hated man when he came yeah because people have convenient memories when i was a kid amongst anybody who's intelligent i lived in boston which is a fairly uh liberal very intelligent town very you know high amount of colleges per capita people are pretty goddamn smart in boston and growing up there they hated ronald reagan

when all that ir-Contra shit was going on, and they made Reagan testify about selling arms, and he's like, I can't recall. You know, when he sold the arms to Iran, I can't recall. I don't recall. What the fuck are you talking about? You can't just sit up there and say, I don't remember. That means you did, you fuck.

You fucking criminal. That guy's a criminal. I mean, that guy was... You're old. Tell him you don't remember. I can't recall. That's crazy. There's a dude named Jimmy Tingle. He was a hilarious Boston comedian who had a great joke about that. He goes, Here's a tip, Mr. Reagan.

If you sell arms to people who hate us, jot it down. He goes, make a little note. Put it on your refrigerator. Today I sold arms to people who hate us. And on that note, you fucking filthy savages, I think we're going to end this because we don't want to overstay our welcome

for your 4,000, the perfect 4,001 viewers, listeners. You guys are super cool. Thank you very much for tuning in. We will continue this every week. This is this is i believe five weeks in a row and you can always get them you can always download them off this ustream channel and we are going to look into today how to how the fuck we get everything on itunes and then eventually what i would like to do is i would like to do two of these a week maybe one video and we'll do that and put it on we might do one just straight audio i'm thinking two a week would be better than and we'll do that. We might do one just straight audio.

I'm thinking two a week would be better than one. I want to do it like a regular thing and have it so that you can RSS it and subscribe to it and get it automatically downloaded to your iTunes and all that jazz. Fuck Flash. So that's what we're doing. Don't argue with Brian. It's not worth it. He knows what he's doing.

Use Flash, Brian, you scumbag. Things are getting crazy. Thank you very much, you guys. We really worth it. He knows what he's doing. Use Flash, Brian. You scumbag. Whoa. Things are getting crazy. All right. Thank you very much, you guys. We really appreciate it. And we'll see you next week. Later, yo. Later.

Oh, yeah. I'm doing this, right? I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. We're still here.

The people who are still here, ladies and gentlemen, we will now broadcast only in audio. This is the secret session that nobody told anybody about, but because you decided to stick around and keep your fucking Ustream open, you're here. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to keep this bumping. Let's fuck this cat.

Brian and I are going to fuck my cat. We're going to talk for another 20 minutes, folks. Why? Because this is a goddamn experiment. I want to see how many people stay on. I want to see how many people listen to us with just a backbeat. And Brian making cat noises. We're down to 309, folks.

It's not looking so good. We're losing viewers. I think we do our best work in the post anyway. You know, people don't have to watch it live. Let's be honest. We're not answering that many goddamn questions, okay? The questions are coming in like a waterfall, and we're trying to keep up,

but what's most important is that we give you the flow. You know what I'm saying? We give you the rant. We talk to you. We communicate with our people. What's going on? I'm committed to you, my friend Adam Kroll. We are committed. How high are we?

Jesus in space. I'm as high as Paula Abdul is on the ride home from the pharmacy. Alright, you guys are still here. We got 303, bitches. We lost, you know, we lost people with itchy trigger fingers. It's like when you go to the movies, and sometimes you go to the movies, and you don't sit through the credits, but there's some funny shit in the credits,

like The Bachelor or The Bachelor Party. Just called Bachelor Party, right? Bachelor Party, that fucking Bachelor Party. That fucking... Oh, the movie. Zalaphanakis movie. Oh, no, no, no. The Hangover. Hangover.

The Hangover. You're talking 1970s. Jesus, I don't even know what I'm talking about. It was about a bachelor party. The Hangover. My apologies. But that Zalaphanakis movie. The fucking...

The end credits are some of the funniest shit. I mean, it's really, really hilarious. Hilarious stuff. So, that's what this is. This is the end credits. 305, 306, we're gaining, ladies and gentlemen. Spread the word. Let bitches know there's no visual, but there is a funky techno beat and they are still

talking. And this guy says, I'm on here 24-7. I don't sleep. Wow. Ernie Ms. Ernie, Ernie M. Slander. You wild man. Pet my cat for me. Listen, I'll pet my cat when I want to pet my cat, you fucking weirdo. Pet my cat for you. I pet my cat for her. Okay? You like our funky beat? Yeah, you like that music? Yeah, I like that beat, man. our funky beat. Yeah, you like that music? Yeah, I like that beat, man. This guy says, I like radio better than video, personally. Imagination.

I agree with you. I think there is something about that. I like listening to the radio, too, man. I love satellite radio for that very reason, you know? Satellite radio is the shit, but this is basically satellite radio for everybody. You don't even have to pay for it. You know? I mean, I think satellite radio is awesome, and I have, in my

car, I have Sirius with the best of XM. So I can get Howard Stern and I get Opie and Anthony and I get Bubba the Love Sponge and I get, you know, Ron and Fez and I can get POTUS politics. I can get anything. It's fucking awesome. I love it. So because of that, you know, I think I think what this is, though, what this is, is even more exciting because this is like radio that anybody can do. I mean, Brian and I are just sitting here in my living room, and we got this fucking microphone that we bought at the Mac store, and this is connected to our laptops. I mean, it's so goddamn easy. We don't have a crew. And, you know, I mean, if we were, like, charging you guys a lot of money and we wanted to have some sort of a production value to this thing, yeah, I can understand that.

But does that make it any better? When you watch The Tonight Show, do you really give a fuck that there's a room full of people there and everybody's cheering? And do you really give a fuck that there's a band there playing whack-ass music at the intros and outros? I mean, what I like about, like if I watch Letterman, I like Letterman interacting with people. He's funny. He's a fucking funny guy. That's what I like.

He could be doing that in his house, and it would be just as interesting. What are you doing? You showing people pictures or shit? You going to Duncan Trussell's Facebook page? Yeah, that's tonight. This Thursday? Comedy is dead tonight.

I can't go. A lot of good comics. I got a hot date with the wife. A lot of good comics. Take her to it. Oh, no. Look at this lineup. I don't hot date with the wife. A lot of good comics. Take her to it. Oh, no. Look at this lineup. I don't want to poison my future baby with...

Oh, that is a good lineup. Damn. Doug Benson, Dana Gould, Chris Hardwick, Nick Kroll, Guy Branum, Duncan Trussell, and Natasha Allegro. That's a good lineup. Yeah. Duncan puts on a good show. That's that one that he does from the funeral. It's the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. It's night. That's nutty. 8 p.m. They don't want to. Yeah. Duncan puts on a good show. That's that one that he does from the funeral. It's the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

It's nights. That's nutty. 8 p.m. We're promoing people, man. You know what I'm saying? We've got allegiance to our friends, but I can't get money off that. Here's your $2. You guys are fagging out now that there's no video, right?

Listen, fella. Just because you have to use your imagination to masturbate to the sound of my voice now and you can't see our pretty faces doesn't mean we're fagging out because there's no video. We're experimenting, my friend. How weird is that? You guys are fagging out now. Oh, are you meaning that we're fagging out like Brian's sucking my cock right now when he's not talking? No, that's not what's going on at all.

I'll let you see a little video real quick as long as you promise to stop being mean. You talking? No, that's not what's going on at all. I'll let you see a little video real quick as long as you promise to stop being mean. You promise? No. Stop being mean and I'll let you see a little more video. Fuck you. This is radio, bitch! This is the Ustream radio portion of the program.

We're down to 300 viewers, ladies and gentlemen. A lot of people don't like the whole imagination thing. They're not down with it. Like, listen, stupid, I want to see you. Let's get out of here. This guy says, it was a joke, Joe. I know it was a joke. I was joking back, my friend Andrew Lawrence.

I'm just being silly. I know. That's the problem, man. You know, you don't know me. You listen to me talk shit. Avatar is horrible. How dare you? How dare you, IrishTemper69?

First of all, anybody that has a 69 in their name, I automatically have to think about your opinion and go, why are you all this cocksucking person? I'm looking at blowjobs. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't do that in front of me. My dick will get hard, then this will turn into a gay off. Listen, man, unless you're 12 years old,

don't have 69 at the end of your name. And if you are 12 years old and have 69 at the end of your name, who touched you? Who did that to you? Huh? Or are you just trying to be silly? You just trying to be silly? Irish temper. I got an Irish temper and I love my dick so why eat some pussy? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, me too. All right. You want to turn this off? Irish temper, and I love my dick so why eat some pussy? G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g- Nemslander. That's what it is. I'm sorry. It's a chick, ladies and gentlemen. Women are very sensitive. They have to be. They raise babies. Okay? You don't realize that until you have a few. Like, oh, now I know why they're like that. Because I'm not milking any fucking baby. You know what I'm saying? You need the softer personality, Brian.

And Brian, I understand you're trying to have a baby. Is this true? Yes. I'm joining a pregnancy pack where me and my guy friends personality brian and brian i understand you're trying to have a baby is this true yes uh i'm joining a pregnancy pack where uh me and my guy friends we're all getting together and there's this place in pennsylvania with these girls that don't want to have babies in high school put that away what no i don't want to watch this chick get a fucking foot job turn that off you don't like foot jobs this is my house okay you're fucking freak that's a dude that's totally completely desensitized by the internet we're sitting here

hanging out and he just puts on some video of a chick jerking a guy off with her feet like really that's okay you know you don't even think twice you're like was there any kids in the room no fuck it put some porn on you just have that running in the background all the time while you're working no except porn i was just gonna show it to you because like who likes that shit some people must some people must be so desensitized they must have porn going while they're working like spreadsheet right next to it cock sucking is that us for a second a second yeah you saw us for a second bitch you know we're not sucking cock now all right so you cut it with the gay jokes man it's really not right Down to 295 loyal listeners, ladies and gentlemen.

295. We're clearing this room. Back to 296. Coming on strong. I'm not even tweeting this. We were trying to get Eddie for the show for today. Yes, my friend Andrew Lawrence. But Eddie is in a plane right now on the way to Japan.

Doing chemtrails all the way. Chemtrails like a motherfucker. Our buddy Shigeki is fighting in King of the Cage in Okinawa. So they have to fly over there to see the fights. Is it awkward looking into Goldie's eyes? No. Goldie's my boy. Goldie's my boy.

He's a good man. Goldie's a good man. That's one of the cool things about doing the UFC. Mike Goldberg was telling me that he had a gig once upon a time that was a dream gig. It was an awesome gig, but he hated his partner. He did not like the guy. He said the guy was a dick. And Goldie's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.

He's such a nice guy. Mike Goldberg is, I mean, you know, people say he fucks up a lot. Look, the fucking guy's done 120 fucking UFCs, all right? It's going to be fuck-ups. You're going to be able to, like, go back and, you know, and YouTube it and make a nice clip of him fucking up, for sure. But who cares? He's a nice fucking guy. He does the job.

He gets in there. He knows what the fuck is going on. He makes it happen, and he's a cool dude. I like him. He's a cool dude. I like him. He's a super friendly guy. It helps me. Working with a nice guy like that, I look forward to seeing him. Podcast is the new radio.

I think it is, man. I really do. I think that this is the future. I think that the only thing that's separating this from regular radio is you don't have this in your car yet, and that's coming. They've already come up with internet-capable car stereos, and you're going to be able to download podcasts directly to it. A lot of people, they have setups in their car where they have an iPod, and they download people's podcasts on their iPod, and then they set up where they broadcast their iPod through their just they download people's podcasts on their iPod then they set up where they broadcast their iPod through their car stereo speaker a lot of you have that right I sit in

my car and it automatically connects to my iPhone and then I have my whole iTunes on my iPhone play through my sync on Ford so see that's what I'm talking about that's the goddamn future and it's going to be just like a DVR so you know how you get you know your TV shows I mean how often do you watch TV shows when they air only if you're home and you're looking forward be just like a DVR. So you know how you get your TV shows. I mean, how often do you watch TV shows when they air? Only if you're home and you're looking forward to it, like a Lost or something like that, and you sit through the commercials. But it's way better to not do that.

It's way better to do it whenever you want it and to be able to control it and fast forward it. And if you can download this as an MP3, that's the shit. You're in the car and you're like, oh, these dumb motherfuckers are talking about MMA again. Let's fast forward five minutes to what he's talking about. You know, I mean, you can do whatever you want with it. It's yours. You got it.

You control what you want to pause it. You can do that. You don't miss anything. You want to rewind it. You can do that. How many times have you been listening to someone talk on the radio and they say some cool shit, but you don't know what the fuck they said? You're trying to write it down, but you don't have anything in your car. You're in traffic. How cool would it be to rewind the radio? Well, you can with this. This is way superior

to just broadcasting shit. Plus, there's not signals in the air that kill the bees. Cassette tapes. For life. Yeah, cassettes, yo. Alright, ladies and gentlemen. I think that's about it. I think we're going to end this because Brian's tired and it's already 4.40.

So this is 2 hours and 40 minutes, ladies and gentlemen. So we gave you an extra 10 minutes of actual fake radio. Silence with bubbles and the whole deal. You know what I'm saying? Do I get any inspiration?

Let me answer this, though. Did you get a lot of inspiration from this, from your interaction with Tom Green? Yeah. Hold on. I don't know where this thing is moving so fast and his stuff this is foons foons and spork oh shit it's moving so fast it's hard to follow the chat um yes definitely um we did uh i did tom Green's show once, and it's fucking awesome. He's got this cool-ass house where his whole house is basically like he's turned into a studio. He's got this killer setup where he's got servers in his house. I mean, his house is really like the center of it all.

It's like we're using Ustream, and Ustream obviously has some servers set up somewhere, but we're just kind of connected to them and broadcasting to you. Tom Green's got that shit all out of his house, which is really kind of a crazy expensive way to do it. Yeah. Well, it made sense before all these websites like Ustream came around. Now it's kind of like, well, you're going to have to do it. How is he doing?

How's Tom Green's show doing? Are people still watching it? I think it's pay-per-view now or something like that. I think the pay-per-view is the footage, the archives. I think it's hard to figure out how to make money with this stuff. That's what it is with these guys. Like Tom Green, trying to figure out how to make money with it. I think it's kind of tricky.

He's doing comedy now. He's doing stand-up comedy tours. So, yeah, we got a lot of inspiration from all this stuff. There's a lot of cool shit on the Internet. The Internet is where I spend a lot of my time all this stuff. There's a lot of cool shit on the Internet. The Internet is where I spend a lot of my time. It's where Brian spends a lot of his time. And we think that this is the future. I mean, I just got a thing for my car yesterday.

I got a new car yesterday. I got an M3, a BMW M3. It's the shit. And I got a thing where I can hook up my iPod to it. It's awesome. So my playlist shows up on the on-screen, the screen. And I can scroll through it and pick songs I want. It's so much better than the radio.

It's awesome. It's just you can control. I mean you can have so much shit. There's so many interesting things. You can download books on tape. There's so much shit that you can throw on an iPod instead of like scanning through the radio. It's like, I mean, you don't even get a guide. It's like watching the TV by just through the radio. It's like you don't even get a guide. It's like watching the TV by just flipping the channels.

You kind of know what's going to be on because you memorized it. Do you have all these gay apples in there? Don't do that. All right. Get rid of us. Later. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much, and we will see you next week.

Next week, we're going to try to do it on Wednesday. And like I said, we're going to have this shit up on iTunes soon. Thank you very much. Thank you. Jihad.