The Joe Rogan Experience - #602 - Ari Shaffir & Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: January 20, 2015

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and hosts his own podcasts “Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank” available on Spotify. He also has a new season of "This Is Not Happening" premiering on Comedy Central, January 22 at 12:30am. Duncan Trussell is a stand-up comedian, and host of his own podcast "The Duncan Trussell Family Hour". http://arishaffir.com http://duncantrussell.com http://podcasts.joerogan.net

I need a new theme song. It's time? Yeah. 600 episodes, I think it's. Yeah, but you haven't had that for the first 100. Yeah. But it's still 500. I mean, it's great. I love it.

I used to like the... Tell Nick Diaz that if he doesn't win, then you gotta get a new theme song. I will never take his voice off the theme song. We'll do a new theme song and we'll incorporate his voice. That was one of the coolest moments of my life he has wins he's get his hands up in the air he's like trained by day Joe Rogan podcast by

night I was like that's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me next to the birth of my children it's right up there Wow so we're all here because we're friends and this is an intervention, Duncan. I know you thought this was a podcast. I can't stop masturbating. You're going to. You're going to have to. I'm not going to stop, man.

Because, Ari, tell them about the demons. Tell them what happens. Yeah. I don't know if you know this. When Jews know that when people masturbate, they're actually fucking a demon that's on top of you. Yeah. That you can't even see. When you cum, it comes into her belly and you have demon babies.

The only way to get the Jews out of my body is to jerk off Jews. Wait a minute. The only way to get the Jews out of your body is to jerk off... The demons out of my body. Oh, you have to... Anytime, like sometimes I get possessed by demons

and they swell up in my chest and they cause my penis to expand and to change shape you know what i'm talking about when the demon gets inside of you inside your penis yeah and your penis changes shape it's very strange i've seen that it comes like this tape up marshmallow guy yeah so you get demons too yeah so when these things come it's sexy movies the only thing that gets the demon out is if i jerk off a Semitic man. And then when I do that, I see the demon come out of my penis in the form of this white, salty substance.

And it goes back to normal, your penis? No, it stays like... Crazy. Crazy. It stays aggressive. Yeah. It's always screaming, howling at night. So we're here.

So we're here So we're here This is not happening The new show on Comedy Central Ari Shaffir Officially A baller Just had his new Comedy Central

Hour special Yeah Paid regular That was The coolest shit man The comedy store Was tweeting photos Of the

And Red Band tweeted some too Of the patio The filled patio Everyone out there Everybody out there Watching your special On TV While you were

performing in the or that was the craziest picture jeff scott showed me a picture of you on stage live at the store and on stage and my special was from that same stage and you know it's even cooler if people come to see you now i think your new material now is some of the best shit you've ever done it's right up there with the best bits you've ever done the new shit that you're doing now that stuff you did in vegas it's fucking great man it's really funny shit without telling anybody of it what'd you say you got eight minutes eight minutes of that that's all right dude just keep swinging you know i'm like at about 40 right now it's uh but it's 40 that i don't i don't know it that well. Yeah, well, now it's still ever-evolving.

Like you say Jarvis, his friend Jarvis, my friend too, Jarvis, he used to say that bits were like cooling metal or cooling honey. So it was like real fluid. And as it gets cooler, it takes more and more shape until it becomes like the same thing every time. That's cool. Yeah, remember that? I don't remember him saying that.

You told me when you were a talent coordinator, you told me that. That's an interesting way to look at it. I've always felt that they grow, though't remember you told me when you're a talent coordinator you told me that that's an interesting way to look at i've always felt that they grow though i always felt that they're a living thing and they become sturdy like they start off as like little saplings and they're like oh sometimes they look impressive and sometimes they come sometimes they come out they're fucking trees there's certain bits that i've done that were already a tree before they ever got to the stage like the vegan bit that was just on my last special i wrote that bit all after one conversation did you name that bit jamie kilstein to jay mcclestine james kilstein believe it or not even though he talks a lot about being a vegan

he's not preachy about it and he also admits that he ate a lot of meat he's a bad example of that jamie kilstein gets a bad rap and part of it's because the conversation that he and I had on the show but what was that conversation I don't remember he's out there listen Jamie Kielstein I think you're a good dude I really do I think he's a gen a he's a genuinely like what he's trying to do he genuinely thinks he's doing like really good things and he's just it It was about the Daniel Tosh rape thing. Daniel Tosh made that joke where he asked the audience what they wanted to talk about. Some guy yells out rape, and Daniel Tosh starts saying, yeah, what a great subject.

What's so funny about rape? Is it the humiliation? Is it the violence? Some woman says, actually, nothing is funny about rape. And he goes, wouldn't it be funny if five guys just raped her right now? And it became this big, I mean, well, first of all, that's the kind of shit that happens at a goddamn comedy club. Yeah.

You know, we all know that. And the guy's just trying to be funny while he's on his toes on a stage in the spur of the moment. Yeah, to me it's like a non-issue. Yeah, so Jamie and I disagreed with it heavily because he felt like it's lazy and he felt like it contributed to rape culture, which is a term that gets bandied about. It's a weird term. Some people think it's a horseshit term. There is no rape culture.

It's a real thing. That's why if you see the indian comics the uh from india and stuff they're super uh rape jokey and it comes out in their uh are you kidding no that's all that's pretty much like all our comics just talk about rape and gang rape and then it really leads into the culture no indian comics what about russell peters Who are you talking about? He's Canadian. What about Aziz Ansari? He's fucking from Houston. Dude, they're Indians. How dare you? No, I mean India.

They're brown as fuck. How dare you? I think there are Indian comics. There must be. For sure. I don't know. Do they have a scene? Do you think out there?

Must. They have a giant movie industry there. Oh, yeah. Their movie industry is bigger than our movie industry. Super porny, right? Isn't there always long sex scenes in those? If you consider juggling fruit and singing in between a gunfighting

scene, porny. All their movies still have musical numbers where they will start in the middle of a real action movie. When I went to India, we would take Valium and go to this movie theater in New Delhi and just watch their movies because they're so trippy.

But yeah, in the middle of an action movie, it'll stop into a musical number. Like a real serious action movie. Why? It's just their culture. They like it. They like it. They like that style of theater. That's just what it's supposed to be.

Well, I mean, we used to like it. If you go back and try to watch those old movies, all those Gene Kelly movies that would start dancing in the street, everybody would stand there and people would dance around them. They had music videos that broke out in the middle of a movie. That's a great way to put it.

They have all these plots. They have real language. They have real dialogue. They have a real storyline. It's so weird, though. Why is there singing? There wouldn't be singing. Why are they talking in rhyme? What are they talking about? Well, it's someone's desire, the one person's desire in the middle of a gigantic performance

where people are interacting with each other. It's one person's desire to totally steal the spotlight. And the best way to do that is by singing everybody has to stand around and listen while john like we're all like support we're in the back and john's in the center he's singing snapping yeah and he's got this great point and we're all like wow yeah and he's singing about life and everyone's letting him move around singing about life nobody stops to go what are you fucking doing man like why are you fucking doing, man? Like, why are you singing? Like, nobody interacts with him.

There's no interacting. It's just this one guy, which is what the theater to some folks is all about. That moment on stage holding the skull. Look upon thee. That reminds me, man. I got a million dollar idea. What's that? Found footage musical.

Like, you know those found footage movies but they find one where like people are actually singing like a real musical yeah no music is playing they just start singing like what the fuck everybody stands around that would be great really bad songs but like this choppy video like oh he's not really getting it it's totally happening right now I got another I got a great idea to do with it a fucking

an improvised musical reality show oh it's all improvised musicals but they gotta do it in song and dance that's a great idea you gotta bring them into a situation big brother in song

that's hilarious and the audience doesn't know so they have to people are gonna interact with them So they have to sing out to this like restaurant or bar Have you ever seen the video? There's a video with this bringing you back to Activists that get that sometimes miss the point there was a video of this lady She steps into a chicken restaurant and she starts talking about, this is not food. This is violence. You know, and there's a little girl and her, you know, she starts saying, and she just

wants to live. She just wants to be happy and she just wants to live. And this little girl was going to die just like all of her sisters and all of her brothers and her family. A turkey? A chicken? A chicken. Ah.

And she rescued this, this chicken. And so she has like videos of the same gal with her chicken at home you know it's like so she goes into a restaurant and disrupts all these people and like tells this whole story and then explains that it's her chicken and then a whole crew of assholes

come in behind her with signs this is not food it's violence it's so weird. And they're like, we're just running a restaurant. Dude, it seems like a parody. It seems like someone is just badass.

Some Tim and Eric type dude. Really? Just put together some badass parody that's so subtle, you're like, not sure. Right. Like, is this bitch really this crazy that she's referring to this chicken

as her girl? Yeah, it seems sometimes that activists aren't aware of the fact that if their stunt isn't pulled off in the right way, it seems like it could be more detrimental. It comes off super lame. You know, the response is going to be to eat more chicken. Out of spite.

Yeah, just because you're like, I don't want to be associated with this kind of behavior. And if that means eating chicken, then I guess I'll eat more chicken. So it's like, it's dangerous to be an activist if you are not really subtle or if you aren't skillful in what you're doing. Like being an activist is awesome.

Just make sure that you're graceful when you do it. Well, not only that, you have to have a real objective sense of what actions you're putting out there and how those actions are going to be perceived. And if you fake it, people can see through it and it seems lame. Well, there's some people that have this idea that their idea, what they're protesting against is more important than anything that's going to disrupt, anything that's going to involve that, like Greenpeace. Have you seen what Greenpeace did with the Nazca lines?

Oh, yeah. They fucked them up. It's so fucking crazy. These dumb assholes went to the Nazca lines and they set up a green... What's a Nazca line? Nazca lines are these... They don't even know how old they are, okay? They're thousands of years old, these lines.

Meanwhile, I'm like, they don't even know how old they are. They're thousands of years old. I think they I'm like they don't know how they're old they are You just revealed that you're an immortal they've dated them more than a thousand years whatever it is It's not all sorts of geometric patterns Animals all sorts of different things some of them are animals some of them are spiders We're all these weird patterns you can only see from the sky. Oh patterns. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry There are all these weird patterns you can only see from the sky. Oh, patterns. Yeah, I'm sorry.

So they're patterns that are made on these flat plains. And some of them are just a bunch of rocks that are pieced together in these lines. And people have left them undisturbed because they're so cool forever. So you can't just go there and walk around on them. These assholes went there and they used some of the stones as paperweights. They picked some of the rocks off the ground. Why did they go there and walk around on them. You can't fuck... These assholes went there and they used some of the stones as like paperweights. They picked some of the rocks off the ground to put a sign up. This fucking stupid...

Put a sign of what? A Greenpeace sign. Oh. See that? Do you got a photo of it, Jamie? Pull it up. What dicks. It's so douchey and arrogant.

It sucks because a lot of what Greenpeace does is really good, which is they stop people from killing whales. The lines of Nazca. There's photos, Jamie. Go to photos. Greenpeace Nazca lines. Duncan, remember when we beat up a seal outside of a Prada store? Oh, that's right!

For Greenpeace. So look what these assholes did. See how cool that design is? That pattern? That pattern has been there for a long fucking time. That just naturally happened in the... Oh, right. And they were using stones from that to put their sign down.

What's that about? With the foot thing? So they weren't disturbing people? I don't know what the fuck they think they're doing. They're still disturbing it. By doing that, like sometimes standing on that... Look, your fucking footprints are also on that paper. I can see the bottom of your tread. You know what that means? That means sometimes standing on that look your fucking footprints are also on that paper i could see the bottom of your tread you know what that means that means you stand you

stood on that shit you stood on that shit somewhere and i'm supposed to believe that you're doing this all ethically yeah backfire it backfired they shouldn't have done that it backfired and that sucks because all the people who are who are doing good work look like assholes exactly exactly that sucks yeah okay so this is this is the actual wow those are the lines like that yeah yeah what makes them we don't know that's so cool they don't know who made them they really don't know that's that's it wow that can't that's not that's not just like movement like uh no magnetic, right? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. These are made. I mean, someone definitely, definitely, without a doubt, made them.

Is that in sand or is that in stone? This is so funny. Some people think the geometric ones could indicate a flow of water that's connected to rituals to summon water. The spiders, birds, plants could be fertility symbols. Other possible explanations include irrigation schemes or giant astronomical calendars. Why isn't everyone trying to figure it out? That looks like a bird. Yeah, well they're definitely trying to figure it out.

There's a dog. There's a monkey. What? Have you seen the monkey? No. Yeah, pull up the monkey, Jeremy. They're so good. There's a dick butt.

There's a spider. Dick butt. That looks like, what's his name? If you keep scrolling, you'll find a monkey down there. There's a monkey in one of them. It's really cool. It's got like, there's birds with like bird feet and shit. There's a gang of them. How did Bill Cosby and Ecstasy get mixed in with that?

It's weird to see the images. Hashtags. People hashtag everything. Hashtag Bill Cosby. Just like. Well, do you remember when they used to do that with websites? that's weird to see the image tags people hashtag because it's like would you remember when they used to do that with websites they would code certain words into websites just like a person that people are porn porn porn funny funny yeah people think it's an alien that thing that person with the eyeballs

I'll click on that whoa yeah but I mean that's how my daughter draws people. Yeah Everybody says it's an alien. It's nearly well, maybe Might be a giant two-year-old might be really shitty artists For thousands of years the artists of the Permanente like I had this conversation with this dude He was trying to tell me about you know these images that were on cave walls Were were you know aliens depictions of aliens like it was Graham Hancock who I love but I was like come on man That might not be an alien that could be a lot of shit these people they want to believe but in not only that but it Was thousands of years ago. Just what they saw back then. I think it was aliens Just what they saw back then.

I think it was aliens. That's when they fucked us. Pull up the monkey, Jamie. I need to see this monkey. I want to see the thing before. Type in monkey because it's really cool. It's got a curly tail. It's crazy. Go down a little bit.

Go down a little bit. Down more, more, more, more, more, more. Up a little. Up. Forget it. It's gone. I forgot it. Well, there was a dog to the left. Do you see that one to the far left, Jamie? About three down? Oh, it it. It's gone. Well, there was a dog to the left.

Do you see that one to the far left, Jamie? About three down? Oh, it's okay. Let's try to find the monkey. Where's that monkey? Where's the fucking monkey, man? Why are they hiding the monkey from us? Well, if you go to the Wikipedia, you can see the monkey. How do you spell NASCAC?

Oh, wow, cool. Here it is. Looks like it's puking or something. It's on the Wikipedia. If you go to the Wikipedia. Look at the monkey. How do you spell NASCAC? Oh, wow. NASCA. Cool. Here it is. Ari, see that? Looks like it's puking or something. It's on the Wikipedia. If you go to the Wikipedia. Look at the monkey, man. Oh, no way. How big is that?

How big is that? How big is that? Look, you can see it there. Oh, it's huge. Wow. It's enormous. How big is a person? A toe?

I don't know. That's a good question. That's a very good question. But they're really big. Wow. I mean, you see when those people were walking around. I mean, these are like, you know. Oh, right.

They were laying that down. It's weird. It looks like it was drawn with a finger on a tablet or something. It doesn't look like a shit ton of people spent a long time. Look, the tail kind of wore out. They've had some damage with mudslides, too, apparently. Oh. Yeah, but they really really there's all sorts of

explanations for nobody goes there they just look at it yeah then the Greenpeace people went there I think aliens came visited these people gave them like showed them some incredible shit they left the people want them to come back so they draw these shapes on the ground hoping that they'll return it's classic cargo cult behavior that's where it all is, right? In the same place in Peru? Yeah. Yeah, it's just one area. It's really fascinating also because

there's what look like landing strips there. Yeah. There's long parallel lines. They want them to come back. That's what it is. It's gotta be that. That's what it is. They want them to come back. It's gotta be. It doesn't have to be. It could be they just, you know, they just figured out how to draw shit in the ground that you could see from the sky.

Maybe they just thought it was an interesting way to do something. That they couldn't see. Well, they could. They just couldn't see it really well. You know, you can only really truly see what it is when you're up above it. But, I mean, it's not impossible that they could measure it and do it all on the ground. I'm just proposing, you know, being the devil's advocate, like, it's not impossible that they did those. You could see the ground.

I mean, you're looking down at your feet. It's not like it's invisible to you. Get me to help you do a 12-mile-wide monkey trail. It's not that big. They're not that big. How big is it? They're not that big. They're, you know, a few hundred feet wide, I think, the really big ones,

but they're not like 12 miles long or anything crazy. Maybe I'd do it. The lines themselves, they're superficial. They're only 10 to 30 centimeters deep and could be washed away. Really? Yeah. So that's why nobody goes there because they'll wear it down? It's only ever received a very small amount of rain,

but there's issues also that the great changes that we're seeing to the climate that it might start raining there hmm not fucked yes but look at crops well at least what you know everybody's like really hooked up crops over but everyone yeah crops would be better than stupid lines right yeah but everybody's really like the monkey lines shut up eat this they have it in their head that you know this um that this site is like it's super important but we have all the images like once we have the images if if the water comes and washes everything away at least at least we've documented we know these people made these things we don't know why or when where they think it's the nasca culture

which is like i think it said here 400 to 650 a.d so they lived there and maybe carved those things they think and that was so that's over a thousand years ago that's you know more than uh as as much as 1500 years ago good workmanship could be longer crazy shit man they don't really um have any explanation for why but there's a lot of i mean you could it could be aliens right i mean if we can go to man, we can send a robot to Mars. It's so arrogant to think that we're the only ones that could do that. I've never seen any evidence whatsoever that's even remotely compelling that aliens have visited here.

None of it. None of it that's outside of other, like, there's not one thing that stands out where you say, that had to be aliens. It couldn't have just been really smart people. Not one thing. Yeah, why wouldn't any of them have left anything? Well, they might have. They might have.

When we're looking at the pyramids, what we might be looking at is someone's knowledge and information from another culture. Well, don't the pyramids somehow point to Sirius? Sort of. Sort of. Well, it depends. See, there's a thing called the precession of the equinoxes, so the Earth spins, right?

You know, there's like a wobble to the Earth. And so when you see the stars, it's not always the same. And it wobbles like every X amount of thousands of years. So depending upon where you think these were constructed, you would have a different star line I you'd have a different thing you would see there's a guy named John Anthony West who's a just Amazing when it comes to this shit his whole video series. It's called magical Egypt It's so good if you've never I mean it's like if you're not even interested at all in Egypt

You're like that's fucking boring bunch of people living in the sand like assholes if you watch if you watch one of these videos i would love it i would if i was high just being silly if i was just trying to be funny i would say that but um his his videos just are super in depth about the construction methods and how big it is and like all the magical things about the way they built them. They think that it was a culture that lived a long fucking time before we think. Not just like 2,500 B.C., but he's of the notion that it's like 10,000 plus B.C. And if you go to 10,000 B.C., apparently where the lion is, the Sphinx, where it's pointing would be directly over the constellation Leo.

Oh, I like the Sirius theory better, the dog star. What is that? It's like Robert Anton Wilson's crazy idea that we are possibly currently existing in the Sirius star cluster. currently existing in the serious star cluster in what we're having this experience of reality pumped into our consciousness as a form of training for something like matrix pods like we're all yeah matrix pods and that there's like so that there's like clues left in the simulator pointing back home and just to just as a little cookie like you even video games you know or maybe people a long time ago were more aware of the fact that this is a an interdimensional academy a kind of hogwarts for young godlings who are trying to like who have

the potential to become like universe creators but before they're released to like create their own dimensions they have to go through this infinite loop again and again and again until you learn that the most important thing is to love the people around you more than you love yourself and then boom no more than you can be a god well yeah then you can then we can trust you to fuck around with like our black hole machine or whatever I'm not gonna put you in charge of black holes I still you're a selfish shithead. That always seems to me like

if that was really like a plot, if someone had designed people with this sort of puzzle in front of them, the plot is, eventually they're going to get intelligent enough, they're going to figure out the plot. That seems to me to be like a really shitty way of doing things. It's like, there's God, that's like

very... How about just tell them how to do it? It's very God-like. Yeah. It's very God-like. You will learn eventually. Just tell me. That's not the way you teach kids. Well, in that sense, it's like-

You'll learn eventually. That confusion that people feel of, and like the existential angst of being a person where you don't know what the fuck you are, where are you going, what happens when I die, like almost universally that needs to be plugged up whether it's plugged up with this alien story yes or whether it's plugged up with uh you know a mormon story whatever you just gotta plug it up yeah you're talking about like the the that aching

yeah feeling of terror that like some people that's men that what what are we doing here what are we doing here though yeah right i. They there's a there's a great existentialist Philosopher slash author Camus you ever heard of come in horse. I haven't heard of Camus. You haven't know Strangers my favorite love him man Yeah, you love him but here's the yesterday, or was it the day before? I can't remember. That's the first line.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's really good. But he, like, that thing that you're talking about, that aching fucking thing, his premise, C-A-M-U-S, his premise in a lot of his ilk, their premise is that that is being human. Like that awful feeling of like having a hole that you are constantly trying to plug. Existentialism, it's just like whatever we're here.

What was the name of his book? What's the name of the book? Well, The Myth of Sisyphus, The Stranger. Yeah, The Stranger's a novel. Yeah, try The Myth of Sisyphus if you want to get into the philosophy angle. But it's pretty cool stuff, but it will give you that chilling kind of sisyphus

s-y-s is there another wine there s-y-s-y-p-h-u-s this is this is i first sisyphus you know what's beautiful i don't really need to totally know that no it'll fill it for you yeah you probably mean that google yeah next thing you know to be on the kindle crack you know that is sisyphus sisyphus? You know that Sisyphus was cursed. It's a Greek myth. It was cursed by the gods to eternally push a boulder up to the very top of a hill and then to let it roll back down the hill. Right when it gets to the top, it'll roll all the way back down.

I remember that story. And so this is the, like, the... Eternally, right? Forever. So, like, some existentialists look at the human predicament, and they point out the fact that you're going to die. No one will remember you in a few hundred years. Most human achievements that have happened in the past

are completely lost, gone, forgotten. Even though they're in history, it's still ultimately a meaningless thing in the sense that you have this inevitable personal extinction that's going to happen. And so the predicament in life is one of why go on being sisyphus here we are anything we do push it up the fucking hell it's gonna like roll back down we got to start over push it up the hill roll back down this is a kind of human archetype for how do we in the midst of what appears to be meaninglessness in the infinite scale find meaning in and in like human endeavors when the whole thing's gonna get wiped out by the star the Sun

yes some of those philosophers have brought them to God what's that some of those existentialists have brought them to God because they were like this must be the answer the excess there are the weirdly there are like theological or theistic existentialists like soren kierkegaard there's some of them are and do you believe in god weird but then there's like start yeah then they're the ones who are just like no it's just all nausea and confusion my friends it's just uh see i don't buy that because i don't buy them knowing i don't buy that anyone that says no it's nothing no there's nothing like how do you know there's nothing you have no idea everyone there's no

examples there's no proof for something you're right you don't even bring it up right you don't bring it up but you don't say it's not but you don't yeah you don't say it's not something either but ari you land more in that camp don't you wouldn't you it's not there's not even part of the conversation get out of here with that shit. What if fish were once bears? Well, if you look at the fossil record, Mr. Bear. Is there any reason to think that? Otherwise, what are you talking about?

I think there is. I think there's reason to think that fish or bears or whatever the fuck you want to think, if it gets you in the zone. Right. That's like taking two dribbles before you take a foul shot. Like, it's just like ritual. There you go. If ritual makes you feel better, that's fine.

That thing you just described, the two dribbles before the foul shot, that's called chaos magic. That's the roots of a magical system that's based on the idea that these symbols themselves, they lack any inherent meaning outside of the mind state that they place you in. And so if they help you transform your will into reality, so if that ritual helps you score, if whatever the fucking thing is that you do prior to sitting down to write or prior to whatever it is that your job happens to be, if that actually puts your mind in a state where you are more likely to receive inspiration

or you're going to be more graceful or athletic, then that's all that fucking matters. Who cares if it's a lie? Yeah, that's all that matters. The symbols themselves, are you really going to worry over the actual existence of an elephant-headed god that right it can shrink himself down and ride around a mouse family you know over it and you're raised well then it's like

all right fine i don't think the issue is a belief system as much as the issue is getting caught up in an ideology that you can't question yeah that's because when you do that if you you want to go in the thor camp or whatever camp you want to go to, you believe is the grand ruler of the fucking... Zeus. Yeah, no matter who it is. Name a guy. Odin. Odin, right?

Praise Odin. Praise Odin. Yes. Anytime you can't question anything, you're fucksville. You're fucksville. If you have something you believe in, that's probably empowering. What's not empowering is when you subscribe to an ideology because if you believe that there's some all eternal loving god that's

looking over you and judging you every day and that you have to do your best to make him proud that is your divine father he created you and you know deep in your dna what the good things you're supposed to do is if that if you really go live your life like that, you'll probably live a pretty fucking cool life. You'll be really nice to people. You'll be super righteous. You would want to make your daddy God all proud of you and shit. The problem is when you subscribe to an ideology

and that doesn't let you question anything. The problem is not believing in a God. The problem is now what do you have to do because you believe that God? Well, now you have to stop gay marriage marriage you have to stop guys from masturbating you have to stop people from doing this and stop everyone that way yeah you gotta you have to listen to me because my way is the right way and the lord is the true lord islam is the truth all of that stuff it's all the same shit it's all the same shit the ideology is the problem it's not the believing in god what does this motherfucker god want you to go do?

Does he want you to strap dynamite to your chest and walk into a cafe? But God gets associated, just like you were talking about the chicken lady. God gets associated with that. So then you want to be like, no, fuck them and fuck the thing they believe in. Exactly.

Well, yeah, it's like, what happens is there's violent people in the world and they like to be violent. They enjoy it. It gets them off, but they can't rationalize the fact that they enjoy being violent because it's seems so monstrous and animalistic You need a reason so you their religion is a fantastic way to justify every dark Activity that humans engage You can fucking like did you see the thing that popped up on the internet isis's guide

to having child sex slaves did you see that no like they have a guidebook which is like they have questions like there's important questions if you have a slave that's underage that's a girl and you're wanting or i guess a guy i guess they don't like gay people so if you have an underage sex slave that's a girl and you are in ISIS, you're going to have some questions. Right. The number one being, when do I get to fuck her? Yeah. And this is a guidebook where they're like, well, can you fuck her?

Well, if she's able to have sex in this guidebook, it says if she's able to have sex, yeah. But if she's not, then you can enjoy her in other ways. Like, just don't penetrate her. But that's a real thing man They put they're putting that and they're quoting. How do we know this is real? We don't know what some CIA plant we don't know that it could be and I did think that like this could be This could be propaganda But they do they are taking slaves like it is a thing that they are taking slaves and some of those slaves are women and

If you have a female slave that you've taken, that you've captured from your enemy, then you are gonna have some questions about the, like as a religious person. If you wanna live ethically, absolutely. Yeah, what are you gonna do with your, how do you ethically fuck this girl? Like when the dishwasher was invented, Jews had to go to the rabbis and said,

are we allowed to put milk and meat dishes in here? What's the ruling here? That kind of shit. That kind of logic, they use that based on their slaves and their sex slaves. What is the answer to that? A lot of Jews have separate dishwashers. That's hilarious.

Oh my goodness. If you want to be kosher. The main thing is this. I mean, how awful the sex slavery is and as ridiculous as that is, the structure is always the same. Which is, a very manipulative, charismatic, power-hungry, narcissistic guy has convinced some dumb people that he has got the line in to God. And as long as they're coming to him to ask

him what to do, it's great. That's the main structure. The structure needs to be that a certain amount of people believe that there is one person who has contact with an invisible guy and that that person will tell them what's right and what's wrong. It's very comforting. So you don't have to worry about it. You don't have to worry about it. Just go to the guy and ask him.

There's no moral quantities anymore. Yeah. It's so dark. But really when you see what's happening there is this incredibly awful version of S&M. It's sadomasochism. You're going to your daddy to find out how to fuck. It's like this dark sadomasochism.

That's what it is. It's S&M. You're going to your daddy to find out if you can put milk with whatever in your washing machine. You're going to daddy to find out if you can use birth control it's always set a lot of times it's sex related like the Pope just said something like didn't you just come out and say like you don't have to he was talking about how to have sex you know they'll tell you you can't use birth control you know that they tell you things involving sex like a man who is connected to an invisible being will tell

you how to fuck on this planet. Crazy fat ass! It's so stupid! Yeah, it's, I mean it is stupid. It is as dumb as it gets, but when you consider the fact that it is, not only is it real, but it is, like these people doing this are behind businesses that are making billions of dollars every year and that money is going in the direction of paying for lobbyists to control government and politics that's when it becomes sinister government that's when it becomes sinister

if you look at it from a big picture perspective do you think it's possible for people to have gotten where we've gotten as quickly as we've gotten without religion, without some organizing ethical behavior guideline? Because of the big jump early on. Now it's holding us back, but back then it was really helping us. Like, guys, don't kill. Well, we would be raping and pillaging still. There is a Judeo-Christian way of living, they say, which is just like the basic tenets. Like, don't murder, don steal don't don't don't uh rape well it's almost like an idea of virus that is introduced into a system

in order to force growth in a certain direction because i wonder if we would have gotten society without i doubt it i doubt it greeks dudes want to fuck in the greeks people want to rape yeah but they had a gang of different gods but i think they were kind of like greek gods i think even back then they were i think even back then they were... I think even back then... I don't know for sure. You know what? I'm not even going to...

That part of me that likes to chime in as though I know anything about Greek gods is about to come in. I don't have no idea. I have no idea. I don't know if there's any Roman ones or the Greek ones. I'm not really sure about that, man.

But I do think that it's the predicament, regardless of that, being whether that was a kind of cast that needed to be placed on humanity as a whole to allow this growth or this thing starting off to do yeah now we're in a place where we've outgrown the cast time to take off the cast it's starting to smell like a like a like somebody sneezed into a rotting vagina well it's it's it's being replaced with a new one it's being replaced with atheism atheism is very much a religion but we take those tenets of like yeah yeah yeah we'd like that one but i don't mean it in a negative way i mean it's like in and religion's the wrong word it's an organized group

the people that are a part of it they they subscribe to the ideology of this organized group and are almost, like, for a large percentage at least, I shouldn't say almost the majority, but a large percentage are liberal. A large percentage of atheists are liberal people. They tend to lean left with their ideas. I would say if you had to gauge the difference between the Republican side and their Democrat side,

like which one has more atheists, it would clearly be Democrat, right? Is that right? Am I guessing? I'm just guessing, right? I don't know. Let's see if we're right. I'm sure that's been done, right?

I would say that seems pretty logical to think that. It does seem logical, but let's see if it's true. Also, they're super into God, the Republicans. They might have some atheists, but the ones that are super into God, those are more Republicans. Right. But I don't really know. Can you be a single president? Is that even possible in this country?

Nope. You can't even be a single president? You can't be like, no, if you haven't figured that out, I hardly doubt it. Yeah, that's something I was wondering. No way we can go to China. What would happen if Obama, is a president allowed to have another job? Like, can Obama start working on comedy? Could he do stand-up if he wanted to at night if he wasn't working?

I bet he could. That would be amazing. I've done my job. It's 6.30 p.m. I worked an extra hour. I'm clocked out. Yeah. They're saying there's a lot of people in Congress are closeted that are atheists.

Closeted atheists. That's hilarious. Wow. What a bunch of fucking fakers. It's saying, there's an article about this on Think Progress, why all of the atheists in Congress are closeted. That's hilarious. They won't say it.

They have to pretend. They can't. It's not popular. Atheism is not popular. Wow. There's a say it. They have to pretend. They can't. It's not popular. Atheism is not popular. Wow. There's a certain thing that people want to do. They want to say something really stupid and have everybody else go, yeah. Like, we're not going to think anymore than we already have.

Yeah. And when people say, well, I'll tell you what. I meet somebody and they're an atheist. I punch them in the face. I just walk away because they're a damn fool. Who said that? Yeah. Steve Harvey. That's right. I heard that. Did he really? I did it in a white voice. They're a damn fool. Who said that? Steve Harvey.

That's right. I heard that. Did he really? I did it in a white voice. He did. He did. Yes, he did. They're a damn fool.

And he gets a bunch of applause. They're just silly in their brain. They silly. They silly. That's not an argument, PJ Harvey or whatever his name is. What kind of moral compass do you operate under? That's not an argument, PJ Harvey, whatever his name is. What kind of moral compass do you operate under? That's the idea. I can't trust you if you don't believe in the symbol that was created a long time ago

by people trying to control other people. This is like... Once you go, it's silly, so forget it. Well, there's a book I read, and God damn it, I wish I could remember the name of it, but the very first chapter in the book was talking about how fascinating it is that in the Old Testament, when God is asking for offerings, he only wants stuff that humans like. He only wants the best thing. God never tells priests to ask people for a jar of wasps.

Right, right. It's only like he only was goats yeah like now if the same system worked then the priest would come out and be like god wants they do money that's what they do the fucking people jimmy whatever his name is yeah yeah but it's the difference is money now it's this ambiguous thing but back then what was kind of interesting is like you would actually ask for like the fatted calf or you'd ask for stuff wow it's only stuff got men a new ipad god wants a new ipad send your technology yeah god wants uh donate your computers yeah it's very it's fascinating that way but i still i mean i do like i don't know i don't know i think god's an overused word but i do think there is definitely like I don't know what God wants. He didn't really tell us officially

How about how about we just give him some of this shit? What's our favorite shit? Yeah, just give him something nice man That's really fascinating stuff. I've been reading this book that and all it's a controversial book and some people say that it's like I don't know. I like the book. It's well written. It's called zealot by Reza Aslan. It's the historical Christ, and his premise is that Jesus, regardless of his premise, what's really fascinating is he's just talking about what it was like back then, which is that the Romans were occupying that land, and that the priests were actually people who were, used to be, it used to be like a religious thing, but they would buy their positions from the Romans. So everybody wanted

the Romans gone. And so, so like, you know, in the story, in the Bible, Jesus is crucified between two thieves. And so Reza Aslan says that if you look at the actual word for thief, it actually translates into bandit, and bandit is the word that the Romans used to describe people who are trying to overthrow them. So Jesus, his premises was somebody who was pro-violence and wanted to overthrow the Romans, and there were a lot of other people like him too and so when people were saying they were like the son of god or the messiah the term messiah actually meant like the the king of the jews somebody who was going to like lead the liberate the jews from the romans it's a really great book in the very first chapter it ought to be a cool movie it would be really cool

but version when they talk about the the the uh get that same dude to play it well they were no i mean a lot of like what he says is like if you read in the in the in the bible now they haven't scrubbed all of the violent stuff he said one thing he said is like something about i will turn you away i will turn you know turn father against son i will turn like if you aren't able to uh leave your family then you'll never be able to follow me it's like all these things which are crazy call me to liberty we're gonna get the fucking romans out of here man that was the idea these assholes are occupying our country they've taken over our religion we're gonna fucking overthrow them and they really couldn't

understand why god let the romans in there in the first place. So that was a real monkey wrench in their idea. We're the chosen people. We're the chosen people. But it's like, no, you're not really the fucking chosen people because they're guys who are guarding your temples now wearing Roman outfits. Yeah, God freed us from slavery. Now we're sort of half slaves again. Exactly. And it didn't work, man.

It was like the paradigm did not fit in with their idea that we're the chosen people suddenly there's these fucking romans occupying everything and so a lot of the these the messiahs and there were many messiahs before jesus by the way john the baptist executed why was he executed he was executed because they looked at him as a threat to the roman power structure. That was it. All these people getting crucified. And by the way, man, crucifixion was in back then. Like they were throwing people on crosses every day. So it was like a constant attempt to like take down. Silence the rebellion.

That's it. Silence the rebellion. Yeah. Yeah. Silence the rebellion. It's really interesting. Great book. It's really crazy.

Yeah, Silence the Rebellion. It's really interesting. Great book. It's really crazy, but those sort of volatile moments in history, crazed, insane, violent moments of control, and then the repercussions of that control, those are like the engines that fuel change and oftentimes fuel innovation. And I know we look at them as being horrible moments when they're happening, because they are, for everyone involved. But for the future, I think all these chaotic moments where there's people struggling to get into a position for power, and the fact that nobody can really hold it, and people have their complaints, and the people that are rising up,

they have the will of the people, because the will of the people is, we don't want any of this fucking terror anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, let's go get them. And then they get in, and they become the person they were fighting against like this process repeats itself over and over again and it seems like objectively if you look at it it's like this process of cleansing or filtering almost like water coming down from a glacier and going through all those rocks until it becomes pure it's like it's got to go through all these trials and tribulations there's got to be all these fucking chaotic moments of horror so we understand what horror is we never repeat horror you got to have a holocaust to understand where the 60s came from you got to have these bad moments that sort of

make you like long for and accomplish the great heights this is why i just had alex gray on my podcast and i'm not going to try to repeat what he said about the Jews as the chosen people because they're creating psychedelics, but he did one of his premises, because Hoffman was a Jew, but the idea is that we needed scientific materialism, atheism, we needed people to turn their backs on the ancient version of god so that we could understand the universe at a deep enough level to be able to uh create us the to synthesize lsd and all the various like choose how to be smart to figure that shit out yeah it's really cool but it's kind of what you're saying which is like we needed like these phases in human evolution are really important because like if you're caught up in a ridiculous version of the deity, then maybe you're a lot of people consider as being one of the

potential ways that our species can evolve. And so these psychedelics can actually be ways to connect with the thing that the ancient religions were talking about. And then that thing that ended up being like turned into like a painted clown you know that people somebody had a vision you know moses by the what was the burning bush what was that what was it made of though it was called uh acacia or something yeah the acacia which has what in it dmt dimethyltryptamine so the premise here is got it in his fucking head well the idea of what is well you're out, what would the story really be? Well, if you're translating something from ancient Hebrew, right?

And then you put it into the Latin and then eventually to the English. When you're doing that, the way they explain things is going to come off very different. If you ever read Russian stories translated to English, it's so bizarre. If you throw it through Google Translate, it's so hard to understand because their language works so much differently so by saying that like god took the form of a burning bush they easily could be saying he was smoking dmt that's right easily yeah and that's the sublime fucking lyric you dry the fucking that bush out and figure out a way to get the fucking DMT out of it.

You smoke it. Like if you and especially if that's how they did it. Like what if they just lit those bushes on fire and then just breathed it all in.

Just got some out of it. Just breathe in wholesale smoke. What if they did it like totally caveman style. Just take those bushes hack them down dry them out

make a fucking tent like one of those sweat lodges that the Indians do. Oh yeah and then just let it fill up. Hot box yourself. Hot box yourself with DMT. And then he saw God I'm out make a fucking tent like one of those sweat lodges Hot box yourself with DMT and he saw God was a dude dude dude everybody out there. Hold on. Shh. I got oh my god I got some stuff to tell you. Oh my god Suspect because God was telling you the not to covet your neighbor's wife not because your neighbor's wife is like neighbor's wife not because your neighbor's wife is like it's kind of his own wife he owns it leaves my life my eyes alone like the idea was that the guy owns that wife yeah yeah yeah that's crazy

like this insane archaic way of thinking that's connected to that time yeah so we don't you know even if moses did say those things we have no idea what the actual words that came out if moses did have this psychedelic ancient he was not used anymore yeah it's like and not only that like who the fuck wrote it down wasn't moses moses didn't write it down if i told you some shit that happened to me when i was a child and then you were it was your job to write a book after i died oh you would butcher it i would butcher your life you would butcher my life we would butcher each other's lives if Moses wasn't writing it himself from Moses

yeah you know if you're not getting his fucking notebook like who knows what was actually said that one's supposed to be written the same way throughout history

like they write every letter the same exact way that's the written Torah and then the oral Torah is something different Hebrew is crazy looking by the way

as a language it's cool looking it's beautiful and it's so strange and psychedelic. They have musical notes on each one of the letters you can read. Really? Yes, you know what to go up and down. It's wild, man.

So you know how to say it while you're talking? Yeah, the trup. Yeah, when you're reading the Torah out loud. Wow. Or your Parsha. Can you read Hebrew? Yeah, of course. Fucking crazy, man.

I'd like to learn it It's cool. You lived in Israel like yeah, that was doing religious studies. Was it fun? Yeah I mean, it was just like a given for a while But now that I let's step back and look at it was like that's pretty fucking cool. Yeah I thought it was cool. I lived in Israel for two years. Wow How old we 18 18 20 Wow, so it was all I got drunk there for two years. Wow. How old were you? 18, 18 to 20. Wow. So it was all pre-pussy.

I got drunk there for the first time. Pre-pussy. Yeah, pre-pussy. Wow. I didn't even do anything back then. Wow. That's a fascinating story, dude. It was so cool.

You take the buses and stuff. What's it like there? Everything's made of stone. Jerusalem's like, the whole city's made of stone. So the old city's all stone. But everywhere else is like stone outside, you know, the buildings. It just looked really pretty. Did you go to that wall?

Oh, yeah. A few times. Where the zombies climbed up in that movie? That was the most ridiculous. Like, no security cameras. Why monitor the wall separating us from a mass of zombies? Yeah. It's so ridiculous.

We're all dancing and having a great time. And then all of a sudden it's not fine and over instantly. Yeah. He escaped too easily a lot in that movie. Like, oh, a plane crash and then only the two of you survived? Yeah. It's pretty ridiculous. What?

Yeah. It's like Godzilla. Yeah. Same sort of situation. But so you were there from 18 to 20. 18 to 20. I really got drunk there the first time. So what years was that?

Well, first I went, my high school does a half year for senior year. And then the second semester, second, fourth to sixth month, we go to Israel and we do like a tour group. So that was really two and a half years. So what year, calendar year was this? 92, I think January of 92. So this is like Clinton presidency. Yeah, I voted absentee ballot for Clinton. That was the only time I ever voted of 92. So this is like Clinton presidency. Yeah, I voted absentee ballot for Clinton.

That was the only time I ever voted for president. Did you wear religious garb while you were there? I mean, yarmulke and the tassels. But man, one thing we loved doing, because there was no black people there, only Ethiopians, and they were in a different part of the town, of the country.

We would just yell nigger at each other down the street. Oh, no. How dare you? Hey, Duncan! You nigger! Because it doesn't mean anything to him? It doesn't mean anything to anybody. That's fascinating.

Scariest word you could ever yell at. You'd have to do a full 360 sweep of your surroundings with a helicopter and then parachute down and yell it to feel super confident. It's like the only word that you can yell out and anyone in that group

is allowed to punch you. See, if you yell out cunt, if you yell out cunt, women can't just run up to you and punch you, you know? But if you yell out nigger, people, they have a free pass to just punch you. White people, too? Just like, no. Well, it's the only racial slur that is a free pass to violence.

Yeah. Like, Chinese, if you yell out chink, like, most likely they'll look at you like you motherfucker, you piece of shit. Right. But there are certain dudes, not all of them, but there are certain dudes that if they catch you yelling out that word, they will fucking punch you. It's the prophet Muhammad of words. But it's crazy if you're in a place, I mean, there's guaranteed, there's people that just heard you say that that are going to be offended. They're like, you know, fuck that guy.

You know, who the fuck does he think he is? Yelling that shit out, dropping n-bombs on the podcast. 22 years ago. No, it doesn't even matter. Just the fact that you even just said it now. Oh, right. Just the fact that I'm making fun of how irresponsible it was to say that. Yeah, you remember, like, I had that bit about the three magic words, and that was one of them.

They're like, you can't even say it. Like, you're not even allowed to say the word in reference to if you're white yeah it is a really interesting thing because symbols are harmless but it's somehow they justify violence like whenever this ridiculous thing or an image of the prophet don't put the word on the ground whenever it's there it's like that thing itself is meaningless, harmless, but it allows people, it allows violent people an excuse to be

violent. And there is nothing, I think, more satisfying than some people to be violent and righteous at the same time. Right. Oh, yeah. Like American Sniper. That guy's like pegging like... God, that was so fucking dumb.

Oh, it's just such... The movie was horrible. It was just such propaganda. You gotta watch it. Over 160 confirmed kills, not one wrong. Even though every time he was like, I don't know what that is in this guy's hand. Fuck it, I'm taking the shot.

He's never got it wrong. Only awesome. Such a rah-rah movie. Yeah, it was really like... The acting was horrible. Have you seen it? No, but please go see that. The acting was horrible. Have you seen it? No, but please go see it. Howard Stern was raving about it this morning.

Oh, fuck you, old man. Jesus Christ. Oh my goodness. The acting was horrible from jump. There was no plot. It was just some scenes. The wife was only annoyed. I haven't seen it.

The entire time. She was just like, why are you going out there again? You've never built a relationship. There's no fucking movie. You haven't written this fucking movie. And at the very end, and I don't give a fuck, at the very end,

they go, they go, he, okay, so he comes home. He's all fucked in the head. He meets some, he meets some,

some, he's working out with his wife. He meets some veterans. He helps them fucking sniper. And that's how he gets his life together. He helps them snipe and shit. And then he picks one guy up and he's like yeah we're gonna go snipe today and then uh just at home on the range and the guy looks at his wife weird and then it cuts away and goes

uh he was killed by a veteran yeah oh it was that guy but they didn't even show what happened they didn't even show it two hour and 20 minute movie show every tour fucking four tour combine them but they don't forget that they failed to mention it. And they just said, oh, he died. And they showed footage of a funeral procession. Also, the guy is like, Jesse Ventura sued that guy and won. That was the guy who lied. That's how ridiculous the movie was.

It wasn't just that. I just need some time, baby. There's apparently a whole long laundry list of questionable stories. That was that guy? No wonder. What a garbage-ass movie. They probably had to take out the plot faster. Well, there was a bunch of other things that he did that he said he did.

One of them was there was a carjacking where two people were shot and killed. It read like a fucking Mencia talking about himself. Apparently. That's how it saw. No evidence that the carjacking took place. Oh yeah, that guy. The two guys were killed. That was that guy. And there was another one where he killed a bunch of people in Katrina.

He was a sniper in Katrina. He was shooting looters. And he talked about, which is like, okay, it's one thing if you're shooting terrorists who have rocket launchers, but you're shooting people that are poor people that are stealing shit because they're involved in chaos. Because the fucking water has come

and surrounded the city, and there's no resources, so you're shooting looters. We should be really fucking careful about who we celebrate. That's right, man. If you're shooting looters... Yeah, you're a murderer.

Yeah, we're not talking about war. Even Michael Moore was talking about his uncle. Well, that's what you get for looting. No, that's not what you get for looting. You don't get that for looting. This death penalty is not made for people who want an ex-boyfriend. It's not for a judge to say. But it's not only that.

It's not going to be delivered from a fucking roof. It's going to be delivered because you go to a trial and you have a jury of your peers. That's what the government is supposed to be established for. Like, to be on a rooftop, you're just murdering people. This movie was like a full liar. That's right. I mean, this is crazy.

Yeah, he's just murdering people. Well, Jesse Ventura was a fucking Navy SEAL. He was in what's, I guess, called the UDT before it was the Navy SEALs. I believe that's the name of the organization. There was a predating name. Jesse Ventura was one of them. Yeah. So apparently this guy told this story about knocking out Jesse Ventura

and Jesse Ventura bad-mouthing the troops and bad-mouthing the war, which he said he would never do, never did, never argued with this guy. He never got hit. And he gave the guy an opportunity to retract it. Otherwise, he was – because he wrote about it in his book. He called him scruffy face or something like that. But then on radio shows, he admitted that it was Jesse Ventura. So they can do the mathematic now. I think he did it on Opie and Anthony, actually. I think that's where

it came out. So they realized that it's not true. So the guy got killed. Okay, Chris Kyle gets killed. And now Jesse Ventura goes through with the lawsuit with the guy's wife. Which, that's the... No, she's got all the profits from that. Yes. Fuck her.

I'll fucking lie about him Get rid of Leave her Stop selling the book You know what Give her a break She starts saying I gave that money to charity

And then it comes out later She's a liar too She gave 20% of it to charity What I think as long as Her Look if her Why should

Life isn't I mean It's she's suing The guy who lied It just so happened That the guy who lied Died Take so happened that the guy who lied died. Take the book down and stop selling the book. That's the issue. You're dead right.

You're dead right. That's the issue. The issue is Random House. Like, who owns the book? But then the issue is, does he represent them when he goes on radio stations and says something that's not even in the book? Does he name the guy in the story in the book, but does it make them responsible?

I say it doesn't. I say it does. The whole thing gets sued. Not Random House because he said scruffy face. Who the fuck is scruffy face? I know, but then when he says, now I've told you who scruffy face is, now what you've printed is libel or whatever it is. Here's the thing, man.

If he wrote about all that other shit, about shooting looters and all that other shit, if that turns out to be not true, which people are saying is not true, you really got to take the whole book back. Take the book off. Or repackage it as just falsity. This is what's this is what's important that oprah had that book about that guy shattered little pieces or whatever a thousand little pieces yeah yes and

he was like that was all a lie and she was like what because yeah i'm a fucking kid who just said he went to heaven and he came out and said the whole thing was a lie you know that kid who wrote him yeah they pulled that book too they pulled it it. So he went to heaven? Well, no, there's this cheesy book where a kid goes into a coma, flies around heaven for a while, comes back, writes this bestseller. People are like, I knew heaven was real, and I knew it was like this. I never read it, but it's a funny, it's just a hilarious thing. But the kid actually got religion and felt so guilty about lying that he came out and said the whole thing was a lie. I thought I could get attention. It's not real. Great. It's really, it's, and they pulled it. There's a great, there's a great blog that I read called, uh, if you just Google truth,

justice, and the curious case of Chris Kyle, it's really, really well written, which explains like all of the various stories and here's why they couldn't be true and here He's not casting any judgment not using the inflammatory language Just trying to explain like what may be or may not have been true It said in the beginning this movie that was just released. This is all a true story See some of it. I'm sure was that's the thing They got to shoot some kid and they go like if you're wrong about this you're flying That's your spotter. That's your spotter is telling you you, and they go like, if you're wrong about this, you'll fly in Leavenworth. That's your spotter.

That's your spotter telling you you're going to go to jail forever if you take this wrong shot. Another thing you have to remember, too, is Clint Eastwood. Yeah. Clint Eastwood, who used to be the baddest motherfucker in Hollywood. He's done now, too. He's an old dude. Remember when he talked to the chair?

Yes, that's what I was going to say. When you addressed Obama. Yeah. How did he direct a movie? When saw the thing no seriously when i saw the thing all i thought was oh this is just clearly wartime propaganda seth rogan tweeted that he considered he compared it to the sniper movie in uh tarantino's movie i think rogan backpedaled a little bit but in tarantino's movie inglorious bastards they're watching this. In Germany, they're watching a movie about a sniper.

And it's like, and he's being celebrated, right? It's propaganda. American sniper is propaganda. There's no question about it. So we know that. Then I was thinking, like, did Clint Eastwood really direct this? Because when you see him at the Republican National Convention, he seemed kind of like nutty out of it. So then I was thinking, how the fuck is this guy directing like this kind of hardcore action movie?

Maybe they're just doing it for him. Did they stick his face there because he's this manly, rugged, right-wing Republican hero? And they knew that that would get more people to watch this movie, which is essentially a lubricated water slide that leads to your nearest recruiting office if you get hypnotized by the thing enough. That's what it is. Oh, you want to fight? You want to fight for justice?

We'll promote you to SEAL. You want to be noble? You don't want to work in the oil fields? You want to be noble? Yeah, go straight to SEAL, even though it's 30. Yeah. You think about a lot of people that are in this country that got born in a shit town with no fucking opportunity.

Yeah. And you're surrounded by a bunch of dummies, and then you go see this movie. You're like, holy shit. But I think when you make a movie about someone's life story, and this is what I was pissed off at Foxcatcher for the same reason. That movie Foxcatcher about John DuPont, who was that crazy old man who shot Dave Schultz, who was an Olympic champion wrestler. And it was based on his brother Mark Mark Schultz, in this movie. They fucked with everything in that movie. He's so angry.

Mark Schultz has been tweeting like crazy because he's still alive. Beautiful line, too. He's an Olympic gold medalist. Oh, really? And they said it killed him in the movie? Well, no, no, no. No, no, no. John DuPont killed an Olympic gold medalist in the movie.

But his brother, Mark Schultz, who the movie and the book is based on, is still alive, and they changed all these aspects of his life for this movie, and he's like, I'm still alive. Like, this is me. Like, this isn't like a Chris Kyle thing where they made the movie after he's dead,

and who knows what he let put in and not put in. This is like Mark Schultz was saying, this didn't happen. Like, they messed with shit that didn't even make sense. They had the UFC in their movie, but it was in 1988. There was no fucking UFC until 1993. I say this is a true thing. It didn't even exist.

So they're watching an actual fight between Big Daddy Goodrich, who was the eventual opponent of Mark Schultz, and a lot of people are like, yeah, Wilgen, you're all the fucking UFC trivia. Nobody gives a shit. It's about the story. No, it's not, dummy. It's about history.

Because why would you make up any aspects of history when you're doing a true story? You don't need to change the timeline for the UFC. That's totally arbitrary. Someone deciding to do that is their own creative flair just jizzing, just cupping their balls and jizzing over history right if you did that with that how the fuck am i going to believe any of the aspects of the story because you lied about something i know you lied about right there's this weird shit where there's like there's like this weird relationship between the two and they're looking at each other weird and he's wearing

shorts and now he's got frosted tips and people are saying that it seemed like it was gay and schultz got really upset that they were insinuating there was some sort of a gay relationship. Oh, Jesus. They, like, fucked with the timeline of his achievements, too, because he had already won the world championships. I mean, he was already the best wrestler in the world in his weight class, and they were making it look like he needed his brother and that he was sucking in. DuPont, his career was falling apart. He was the best wrestler in his weight class in the world. Mark fucking Schultz was an animal.

If you watch him wrestle when he was in his peak form, he was a fucking animal. And they changed the aspects of his achievements in this movie. He was already a world champion. The way they made it, it's like the guy was fucked and nothing was going right for him and then he needed this john dupont situation and that's why he moved in there in a beautiful mind when when when the wife stuck with him even though he's going crazy in the real life she just left of course as soon as he ran the bath water on the kid she was like i'm out i'm divorcing you it's over yeah there was no like we're gonna make it together baby why did he do

that yeah this was like in the american cy, we're going to tell the whole story. I'm like, what whole story? There was also a shitty father and husband? I'm thinking about the Ari Shaffir story when it comes out. They're going to show him with a bag of mushrooms, but he's weeping as he eats them.

Like, I can't stop. I'm like, you're calling him like, Ari, you got to stop eating those mushrooms, man. And all these dudes watching child porn. Fuck you. I don't even know why. Why should it be legal? I can watch it.

I didn't fuck any kids. Why isn't the video themselves legal? They'll put some words in your mouth that you've never said that someone could totally see. Put it on a newspaper quote or something and have it come up. Did you ever see Lenny with Dustin Hoffman? You know, I missed it. Look, I'm a huge fucking Lenny bruce fan so yeah i i'm fascinated by i'm not a huge fan of his war this is a tricky way to say it because like i think if you i'm not endorsing it right

now i'm saying like if you go you want it like if lenny bruce is performing at the laugh factory and you were at the comedy store i would tell people to go see you i would go because it would be freaky just to see him Yeah, but but you're dealing with a completely different era though. The world was just way different, right? But anyway, this is great Dustin Hoffman movie where Dustin Hoffman fucking nailed it. He sounds just like Lenny Bruce I mean is that one of the few times where a guy's on stage and it seems like he's a real comic Oh, it's really good. but he says a bunch of shit and you go, did he say that? How do I know he said that?

I know you know, I know you don't know exactly what came out of his mouth at any given moment. So a lot of this is just bullshit. If there's a real person, you've got to try your best to make everything as on the money as possible.

And whatever you fill in has got to be directly related to everything you absolutely know happened. But you're not going to be able to fill in stuff like when he tells his wife he loves her for the first time. It's like, I'm guessing this is how it went. It's fine. Unless the wife's alive and she can tell you. Yeah, then it could help.

Yeah. But other than that. I think what you're talking about is a controversial subject. I think some people say that you've got creative license when it things. It didn't even say based on a true story. It said this is a true story. Clint Eastwood, look, he's rah-rah all the way. He's a flag-waving old man.

He sure is. He really is. All those old men stick together. Well, look, I think this is, I mean, look, I think Howard Stern is just saying he enjoyed it as a movie. It's supposed to be a very good movie. It was like well made as a movie. Not at all. There was no plot.

There was no story. The acting was horrible. There were some cool like fucking sniping shots. The sniping was cool. And that was it. But it wasn't much. I don't think you could label. He's not like a war, like a pilot.

There's no like the one bad guy wants to get the whole time. It's like, i don't think you could label he's not like a war like a politician the one the one the bad guy wants to get the whole time it's like i don't understand here's what it comes down to man i think i've said on the podcast green lantern here's what it boils down to you want to use military equipment right in a movie right you're not going to get your own fucking tanks and where are you going to get the military equipment from you're going to get the military equipment from the military right and the military and you can look this up they they get to have script approval so the military they look through your script and they make sure that the stuff that is in your script is going to get people down to their local recruiting office and that's why they let you use their machinery don't you know they said to kubrick that there's never been an anti-war movie that hasn't made Enlistment go up.

Anti-war movies? Yeah. Wow. So you literally cannot make an anti-war movie because every single depiction of war makes people go, oh, that's cool. Like Platoon? All of it. All of it.

You can see the trend. Right afterwards, Enlistment shoots up after those big movies come out. That's so crazy. Yeah. Even when you see a scene by Ryan, the guy gets blown up, the coolest night, but everyone's like, I want to be a sniper. You forget the fact

they got blown up. Because people like being violent. And this is why Sebastian Junger's book, War, is such an incredible book because it portrays war with no attempt to be like,

this is right or this is wrong. It just says, if you take a, I can't remember the exact wording, but it's like, if you take a 22-year-old and put them behind one of those giant submachine guns yeah it feels good it's fun to like it feels like xbox people love violence so if you can figure out a way to get people to be violent

without the guilt that goes along with like you're killing other members of your species then what do you do you create an imaginary story right and the imaginary story in iraq was the weapons of mass destruction also saddam hussein that's what they said in this movie like oh you if i don't do my job they come to san diego and knock on your door that's apparently another aspect of the book that has been questioned is that the the barrels of weapons of mass destruction that they found like he said that they found like chemical weapons right oh really yeah oh he said we actually saw them we laid eyes on them but they're like well then why don't you tell anybody what what do you mean here's a fun google search do a google search

on birth defects in some of the parts of ir that we attacked because we used shells that had some kind of radioactive isotope in it. So now the babies are being born with birth defects. Because the other thing people say is Saddam Hussein gassed his own people, right? He gassed his own people. Well, what are we doing to them when we're dropping all those bombs? Targeted strikes, man. They know exactly where they're hitting. No, they don't.

Babies are being born there with severe birth defects because of what we did there. So I think in a movie like that, you need to at least illustrate the fact that the reason that man was sitting on the tops of buildings in that area killing people was because he was sent there based on bad information to say the least and and the people he's killing like in the very beginning it's like anybody over the age of 18 this is like anybody over the age of 18 militarized in this area this is an evacuation zone so there's no one yeah except people that are out to kill us it's all open game it's like oh wait a minute so you're saying that because people- The very first shot.

So we don't worry about like, oh, is this questionable morally? Nope. Anyone who's there over 18, that's what they're there for. These monsters did not leave the city that we bombed, that they lived in when we told them to. So if they're still here, kill their ass. Jesus Christ. And then he still like shows restraint.

And then when he finally has to, it's a kid, but he has a fucking grenade launcher. He waits until the kid's running at the fucking and about to throw it and then he shoots him. But it's totally justified. They show him shooting a kid?

Mm-hmm. And then the mom. What the fuck? And why, but why would the kid be angry? I mean, really, why would you be angry? They only destroyed

your city that you lived in. Yeah. But this is another thing. Like, we were talking about earlier. They're shooting Marines. It's like, why are the Marines right there where they can get shot?

Just go thousands of miles away back to America. What we were saying earlier about ideologies are the problem. And being a nationalistic person, subscribing and being a patriot, subscribing to one nation only, regardless of what the actual act itself is, looking at it like, you know, that's okay because it's one of us.

Like that is an ideology. There you go. That is as much of an ideology as a religion. It's like this unquestioning thing. Like, you know, one of the things that Michael Moore was saying was that he put it on his Twitter that a sniper is a coward. And everybody got really pissed off. You know, like, I think the logic behind it's kind of silly like you have to look him in the eye when you shoot him like shooting someone in the back as a

coward through like well in that sense 90% of war is cowardly yeah because you're you're saying some kind of war is okay but some kind of what you have rules yeah yeah look at somebody shot her in the back or like what about from a hundred yards how about rock? That means no more rockets. No more drones. A lot of the shooting that you do is you're shooting people. Like, you don't necessarily look them in the eye when you shoot them. Are you having a duel?

Like, what are you doing? Are you standing back to back and walking 10 paces like assholes? Even if there's a reason to be there, can't you look at some of the negative effects and say, we want to pull those back? Yeah. Like, why do 30% of children in Yemen have PTSD now because of drones? We can't say that's a negative? It's really important that that information gets out there when you are putting a movie out that's going to get people. In the same way like when Beverly Hills Chihuahua came out.

Everybody bought a chihuahua and the pounds filled up with chihuahuas. Because they also banned them afterwards. American Sniper is going to do the exact same thing for people who are a little confused in what to do in their lives. And they're going to think, well, I guess the best thing I can do right now is kill people that my government tells me are evil. Even though if I study the facts, I find that it's a far more complex issue than that. And maybe my decision should not be to become a hired killer for people who are telling me that I should kill people who more than likely are innocent or just trying to defend their home from an invading occupying force. It's really important to realize that. Now, I'm not saying all war is bad, because some people will be like you naive son of a you don't even realize let me repeat the speech at the beginning of American Sniper this is what the dad yeah

here's the speech the dad gives at the dinner table after the American Sniper what's his name Chris what was his name Chris Kyle Chris Kyle has just defended his brother from a beating by a bully and they're sitting around the table his brothers got bruised up a little bit chris kyle's sitting there and his dad gives this speech there's three types of people wait wait hold on before you get the speech he goes i was just defending my brother and he looks at the little brother with a black eye and he goes is that true like what do you mean obviously he has a black eye he just got beat up that's right that's right what a shitty movie is that true he goes yep all it is three types of people in the world three

types there's sheeps and these are the people who believe that there aren't evil people in the world and by the way i'm paraphrasing i don't memorize it there's there's the sheeps these are the people who believe that there aren't evil people in the world and that everything's safe. And then there's the wolves. And these are the people who try to use evil to overpower others, something like that. And then there's the sheepdogs. And these are the people who defend the sheep.

Oh, God. What are you going to be? He goes, if you're anything, if you're the sheep or the wolf And he takes his belt off and puts down a whoop your fucking ass Yeah, yeah watch it man it is from the very beginning. It's pure It really is like the way we talk about how how soldiers are on dying breath. Tell him, I'm just glad I got to see Mencia before I died. He was for real telling that story. He was for real telling that story.

Oh, that was a story. Yeah. When was this story? He told people. I remember it going around. He'd tell people, yeah, I met his fucking buddy in arms when he was dying. He was like, you know, I got married and every did a lot of good things but at least i got at least i got this amen before i died wow ari i will imagine if that really did happen though

that's actually sadder that's sadder than him lying if it actually happened we're assuming it didn't happen but people are definitely dumb enough to do that you don't understand about the Punisher tour of 2006 it was magical oh my god wow that's fucking hilarious

his last words the guy would be like but what about What about him stealing jokes His last words But he did it better But he did it better But he did it better Defending my country Man

Ari I will give you A hundred thousand dollars If on your deathbed You say At least I got to see Mencia A hundred thousand You would really give him A hundred thousand And how would he use it He's dead you $100,000 if on your deathbed you say, at least I got to see Mencia. $100,000? You would really give him $100,000? And how would he use it? He's dead!

This is a terrible fucking deal. You sorry about that, Joe? You won't need this, and I am one of your best friends, so just take these stacks back. Expiration. At least I can say I got that. By the way, my storyteller show, This Is Not Happy, premieres this Thursday. Oh, yeah.

With me, Bobby Lee, and Keegan-Michael Key. And Duncan, we've done these extra stories that we're doing for the web only. They'll all be on YouTube. And Duncan's is premiering tomorrow. That's right. Duncan tells a cool story about going to- Bad LSD trip. Grateful Dead concert.

Is there a reason they didn't want to put that on television? The reason is to book another white male was nearly impossible. You had too many white males? Did you need diversity training? Oh, yeah. There was like, who else can we get that's a little not bad? So you had to go out of your way to look for non-white males? Yeah.

So it's a Jerry Seinfeld type situation. Yeah, they're like, look, we're just going to get too attacked if you don't get some others. We'll get too attacked. you don't get some others. We'll get too attacked. It's just like, bottom line, it was just very fucking awful. Well, I mean, they're pissed about the, what is it, the Oscars? They don't have to get half, but they just got, you gotta be representative. That's so crazy. They're pissed about the Oscars.

It's all like, all white people. Well, unless black people are being excluded. Right. Unless Asian people are being excluded. Yeah, but I was like, we got Bobby Lee, Joey Diaz. excluded yeah those are both fucking F nose but my problem is like you can't have affirmative action comedy yeah you're you're not you can't you're gonna ruin the whole thing you can't do that you can't like you whoever's funny you guys show yeah yeah yeah but you get but

you can do it like this like show me the pool of people that are qualified you show them a hundred people like right make two of those there's only six blacks that are qualified. You can show them 100 people. Make two of those. There's only six blacks that are qualified of those hundreds, but pick two of them. I don't mind being on the internet. I love the internet. That's where I live is on the internet. Those clips, they can be way longer, too, just like we did last year. Completely like, don't worry about any level of censorship.

No, I love the one that you put that we did that was on the internet. It was great. It was fun. It was actually before the show was even on TV. It's totally awesome to have something on the internet. I was just confused as to what the reasoning for it was great it was fun it was actually before the show was even on tv it's it's totally awesome to have something on the internet i was just confused as to what the reasoning for it and we also because it came later to eric the guy who runs it with me he was like hey let's do it also a web series that's a great web series and that way it goes too it's like if we show some short ones we want to bump somebody up we can if they're a good short story so we're

at the rothbart and with miss pat you know what's fucking awesome about the web, too? It doesn't get canceled. It doesn't get canceled. It's on anytime you want. It's actually a way better medium for distribution. Like a YouTube channel is way better, especially now. You have YouTube on Apple TV, so you can go right to YouTube. Yeah, I mean, you can get YouTube on a lot of those little Netflix-type situations.

Yeah, so you can watch it on your TV. Yeah, you can watch them on your phone. You can watch it anywhere you want. If it's on Comedy Central, you're going to be guaranteed a very large audience, like a million-plus audience of people sitting there watching, a lot of them that aren't even your fans. When you get good online, you're going to get all of your fans.

Also, they watch it more intently. They see your name right there. It's way easier for them fan-wise. Yeah, a fan-wise. That's why I told them, if we want to do it on TV, they're like, okay, but it's a no-web. I'm like, okay, but so no web Mike. No, no, no, no, no, no Also all those stories go on the web. Let's make a cool looking clip I couldn't tell a story about trying to buy acid in a parking lot on TV

Exactly like why even say BJ has one that's great about it's some sex and a dog is involved and they're like You're not doing BCL t out here. Yeah, we'll put it on the web though. I'm like fine golden I don't care as long as i just think that's the way like if i get to choose yeah duck had said that because i don't even want it it's like i'd rather be the wet you can say whatever the fuck you want yeah i would yeah for sure because they because he called me and he's like can we go through what your story is the idea being if we can like maybe we can make it so it could possibly be on tv and i said said, oh, no, I'd just rather not be on TV because I don't want to deal, I don't want to worry about that.

I don't want to think about that because the story I'm telling is a story about being in high school trying to buy drugs and in like just the worst slash best acid trip I ever had in my life. You don't even want to have to worry about something going, can you make it sound a little less pro? I don't even want to get into worry about something going, can you make it sound a little less pro? I don't even want to get into it. Because I am pro-LSD. Did they actually say that?

No, but you can see them maybe saying that. But it could happen. No, in my special, I go, do more drugs. Oh, good for you. You should do drugs. But do you say specifically what drugs? Mushrooms and any sort of psychedelic. I'm like, you'll never,

there's nothing ever bad happen to you. If Jeb Bush gets in office, that could be an issue. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, there's a statute. I mean, you could, it could be an issue. Is that real? No, no, cry. Oh, both of you, stop it.

You're going to get ideas in their heads. Stop it. For sure. You're talking about Schedule 1 drugs. Oh, Comedy Central's heads? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. You're not worried about the politicians themselves?

No, no. I don't know, man. Comedy Central, don't be pussies. You guys are rebels. I think with mushrooms especially, I think mushrooms, like, okay, remember when marijuana was deeply illegal way back in the day? Uh-huh, uh-huh. And you'd fantasize with your friends about the idea of marijuana becoming legalized,

and you could see that it could be on the horizon, maybe, but it was still kind of like, it's never going to be legal.'s a ridiculous dream yeah i think mushrooms is the new marijuana i think mushrooms is gonna uh psilocybin is going to become a prescription medication that's given to people to stop smoking yeah yeah yeah exactly that's gonna happen they'll be also once they start realizing that there are medical benefits that they keep looking like they're improving that it's like they'll try to separate it. Ibogaine. Ibogaine's a big one. Thank God for Doblin, right?

Oh, yeah. He's a champion, hero. That guy deserves a Nobel Prize for the work he's doing for psychedelics. Because he's doing stringent, hardcore studies proving that many of these psychoactive compounds have medicinal... Who is that Rick Doblin from the multidisciplinary Association for psychedelic studies maps yeah it's just they do these like real study they will hardcore studies where it's undeniable oh look what do you know psilocybin helps long-term smokers quit and when you compare it to chantix yeah it's like the

the psilocybin is a million times better yeah it helped with my depression a lot yeah it does it heals you changes the way your brain is functioning you know the paths that you're on I think the paths you're on like someone tried to explain this to me once it's a I've always tried to remember the exact way it's explained but that we we want to think of our moments as being moments individual unto themselves but they're not they're a chain of unique moments throughout your entire life your interpretations of those unique moments i'm paraphrasing the shit out how this guy said it no and then all of your associations with life itself

that are connected to your interpretations of these moments. And then, boom, here you are today. And you want to think that this is life. But it's only life because of all these pathways that you've carved in the way you view the world. As soon as you change those pathways, you open up a whole new world. Because now your associations are different so now your brain's reaction to life itself it's you're changing your route to work and almost like well look at these doors you're changing your chemistry and it's such a great feeling whenever

any if that happens just slightly because a lot of people are in a cave-in situation when it comes to their lives they're literally buried under a series of antiquated stale symbols that they're looking at the universe through and they feel trapped it's like their shoes are too tight yeah and if like a psychedelic or meditating too and i really mean that i'm not just saying that to because of the people because i'm i really think meditation has the a very similar effect but any of these things they reset those symbol structures in your brain and if you just like if you're in a cave-in and you get an extra inch compared to like being compressed against the wall that's a big fucking deal man oh right so it's slightly percentage difference

change just a slight change is like oh thank god i'm 13 less frightened than i was for my entire life have you ever heard tony robbins talk about changing paths in life really interesting analogy he talks about like you're going two cars going exactly the same or a boat rather two boats going exactly the same direction but one boat just takes a two degree turn just two degrees yeah as they go further down the one boat that takes a two-degree turn. Just two degrees. As they go further down, the one boat that took the two-degree turn is going to go wider and wider away from the original path. And that each decision that you make that's a good decision takes you closer. Even though it's just like you're just steering your ship just dirt,

as you go out, it's going to be a much different path, a much different end than if you just stayed on the original path. That's incredible. I love that. Yeah, way different. And psychedelics makes you go right turn, Claude. Yep. Woo!

That's right. Look at Amber Lyon. The currents try to bring you back, though. Yes. Well, ego tries to bring you back. So you go this way, and the currents kind of bring you back to where you were going. So it's like, got to take them again. Well, I've always said that doing psychedelics is like pressing the reset button for your brain, like control, alt, delete.

Remember that bit? Yeah, I remember that, yeah. That your desktop reboots, and there's only one folder on the desktop, and that desktop says, the folder says, my old bullshit. And you have two choices. Either you just create a completely different desktop, look at reality as a completely different, or open up my old bullshit and fall back into these familiar patterns are very comforting right you know and you those moments after the psychedelic experience are so important to grab and hang on to Because it gives you this opportunity to make this new way of thinking like a part of your habit

Yeah, once you get into a habit, whether it's fucking, you know, 30 days or 60 days or 90 days, like people say that once you like have a pattern ingrained in how you behave and think and do, it just takes

a consistent approach to that pattern and then it becomes like a part of you. Like that's why people that quit smoking like get past the first 90 days

and you'll be alright. Jews say if you go sit in the same feet three times you just keep sitting there that's your that's your all-time seat wow that's smart yeah i think it's like when you take a psychedelic it's like if your life is a polluted city like what are those polluted like what's that detroit detroit right yeah then it's like the psychedelic all of a sudden takes you in a helicopter outside the pollution. And so now you're seeing Oh God the air up here is so fresh. It's so nice

But the thing is helicopter is gonna land it's gonna put you back out into your city and that's where the job starts Which is like shit, man How can I clean this fucking thing up and then that's that's like the that's when you start doing things like And then that's when you start doing things like exercising, meditating, or that's where you create just a very simple intention in everything you do, which is as much as possible, I'm going to try to alleviate the suffering of people around me as much as I can. That might not be a lot. It might just be – It definitely does that too we got back from from this last ufc just a little bit of mushrooms was enough that i saw a homeless guy and he's like i was like i opened my wallet and i only had 20s and i was like not fuck it there you go yeah that's what it does in those little moments man it shows you that you get those moments present themselves to you

all day fucking long but if you are stuck in selfishness, you don't see it. Yeah, it's real simple little things, but it's fun. It's a very wonderful, that kind of simple intention can really depollute your subjective city that you've been sucking in shitty gas. There was one time that I saw it that I was, the only time I was ever a guide to somebody, but it was Willie Hunter was on him, and he was shitting on Vine.

He was shitting on some comic who had become a Vine a vine star, you know, she was a shitty comic But she became like a and he was like I hate fine. Well, I mean they're just for fun They're six second like fun videos. He's like no, I hate him. Like what about a six second YouTube video? You'd watch that. I don't whatever he was just big shitty really trying to talk about he couldn't stop then We started with the mushrooms. He was like, I'm a bad person And everyone's like no no you're fine and he kept doing it and eventually i was like willie listen you're right that was you being a bad person yeah he's like i'm so sorry but i was like it's okay because here's the deal from now

on you don't have to be that anymore yeah you can just let that go and let people talk and he's like yeah yeah that's what it shows you like you change. But that thing you're talking about where you realize, shit, I'm a bad person. That is, there's, I can't remember the name. In Buddhism, there's an actual name for that. And it's considered to be a very sweet moment where you need that moment. It's fertilizer where you need that moment where you look at your life and you feel this very specific kind of sadness because you look at all the times you could have been kinder, all the times you could have called that person back, all the times you could have made decisions

that were pushing your boat in the direction of a better world and you didn't do it. And you should feel sad about that. But you shouldn't spend your whole life feeling sad about it. You should just spend some time there and look at it and think, okay, well, that's gone. The past has been devoured by time. There's only this moment now. And so from this point forward, as much as I can, my decisions are going to be based on reducing the suffering of my species.

And that means – Pick up your trash. Just because you litter before doesn't mean you have to litter – keep going forever. Yeah. Yeah. and that means pick up your trash just you litter before doesn't mean you have to litter keep going yeah yeah yeah the the path of of trying to figure out like what's the best way in life is obscured by law isn't that amazing like there's laws that they've created that make the best tools to find out who you really are illegal like that's like there's not a therapy in the fucking world that will get a crazy sociopathic egomaniacal person to really look at themselves like a bag of mushrooms well there's nothing nothing no it is all those moments in film

like whoa i realize now that's all bullshit that's recreating a mushroom trip people that you know that are untrustworthy that you can't't trust their stories, you can't trust their... Those are the people that we all agree could have the best experience on psychedelics because it'll give them the best view of themselves. Yeah. But those are the same type of people that are going to argue against it. If you ever talk to people that don't want mushrooms to be legal or don't want something like, oh, but fuck that. You think that should be legal?

You'll lose your fucking mind. What about people who have lost their fucking mind on that? It's fascinating. And you're like, what? What people have lost their mind? What are you talking about? Those people. Yeah.

In the 40s? Well, there's been some people that have blown their brains out with LSD for sure. There's definitely been some people that had some psychotic episodes. And it can be argued that a lot of those psychotic episodes are people who are control freaks or egomaniacs that are struggling with the reality that's presented with them presented to them schizophrenics shouldn't try it that's my only for sure it's people with history of schizophrenia in their family what about bipolar people yeah what about bipolar people they probably shouldn't try it either i mean there's probably a whole slew of people who have abnormal human chemistry you know what

else bipolar people shouldn't try caffeine really they shouldn't take caffeine pills yeah you shouldn't do anything that's going to push you into a manic state it's like we can't consider you know it's like uh the the victim thing about people the victims of psychedelics you know and i know you think climbing up, what is it, the mountain, I think it's ridiculous, but there's a valley there called the, I just read about this on Reddit, I think it's called, there's an area, I think it's called the Valley of Rainbows, and they call it that because of the brightly colored jackets on the corpses that are all laying there dead. And I think psychedelics have the same kind of valley. I think that there is an undeniable valley that must be filled with people who've been pushed into psychotic episodes or who under the influence of a psychedelic made bad decisions, car accidents, all the things that come from irresponsibly using an intoxicant. You've got to admit that's real, but just because that is real

doesn't therefore exclude all the people who are saying again and again and again and again, my relationships are better. My marriage is healed. Same thing with alcohol. It's like, all right, there's some drunk drivers.

Don't drunk drive. But it's pretty fun to get fucked up with your friends once in a while. You've got to look at the whole fucking picture. I can't say we're all going to fuck it up. Look at the whole thing.

Don't deny the fact that they're dangerous chemicals and that people have more than likely completely lost their shit because of them. Don't deny that. But then also don't deny the benefits. In the same way with American Sniper, much better movie if that character was actually dealing with the fact that he's blowing people away in a war that has been shown to be based on Bad information. Don't you think that when you get to be as old as Clint Eastwood is? Yeah, don't you think that you or your faculties have been compromised? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also 100% He's not thinking the same way. Yeah, he was he's not as sharp. No, honestly million-dollar baby was really good Yeah, but this is not that what's also it's this subject matter that he's prone to go into these like very right wing and also you

probably get like you can't separate your deep feelings you didn't have deep feelings about women boxers exactly you know but he had deep feelings about this so it's got to be a hundred percent rah rah rah and it's like all right man now you're not even if he were younger you still wouldn't be able to see this what's like's like when someone talks in their own words, and you get to hear them talk in their own words, you get a sense of like, oh, I see why you created this piece of art. I see why this is your perspective. And when you saw that Republican National Convention thing,

whatever the fuck it was, when he was talking to Obama, that's Glenn Eastwood. That's who he is. He's so fucking crazy that he thought that up on the spot. That was ad-libbed. He didn't even have anything planned out. This fucking guy is giving this speech in front of this gigantic group of people. He's so confident in his ideas that he's going to ad-lib a conversation with Obama,

complete with punchlines. Oh, yeah. He comes from a non-video world, too, where he's like, eh, so what, it's a non-video world, too, where he's like, eh, so what? It's a group of 1,000 people. Well, he's also just completely confident in his position in life

and who he is, and he's a movie star. He's been a movie star for fucking 100,000 years. Right. Everybody's been kissing his ass long before the internet came along. He's also a guy that agreed

to do a fucking reality show. Do you know that? No. Where his wife was in a reality show. His wife was in some crazy reality show, man. His wife, I don't know if they're still together. I think they might have got divorced. But she wanted to be a star.

So she married Clint Eastwood. She was young and hot. And then she did a reality show. Didn't know it. Yeah, it didn't last. I'm not sure if he's still with her. There's no trauma to it. But it's probably worth it.

I looked up an interview with Eastwood about directing the movie because I didn't understand how the guy at the Republican National Convention. You were affected by this. Yeah. Oh, I mean, I was just like, oh, wow, this is such blatant propaganda. They're not even trying to make it subtle. This is just like wartime propaganda. They didn't make a movie out of it. Yeah.

Yeah. I was curious, like, okay, I wonder how involved Eastwood was in directing this just based on what I saw at the Republican National Convention Didn't know it was improvised so now that kind of explains it I thought maybe he was just suffering from senile dementia or something. It was called mrs. Eastwood and company It was on 2012. It was a reality show. So what the interview say though? Well the interview was you know It was just him saying like he had actually been reading the book when they called and he said let me finish the book I've got 40 pages left and so I read it the next day and decided you know it's just a basic basic interview but I just it was it was just

so appalled by the movie that was harsh pretty goddamn hot that's his wife it was his wife of course of course he would marry a super hot person. She's hot as fuck. You should. Kapowza wowza, son. Pow chika pow pow. He's a goddamn movie star. Yeah, he is. What do you expect?

Were you going to say you also have something? Oh yeah, I also have a story that's out on YouTube now. My first story. They put it out. Smuggling weed in Australia. Oh, shit. Oh, cool. Don't talk about that online. What are you doing?

The beginning of it is a... Jesus. You should say this is all a lie. You just got done talking about how truthful you should be. I don't do it anymore. And about how reality... I don't do it anymore because of the results of this story. But even then, you could be admitting admitting to an Interpol related crime.

No, no. I don't buy into any of that shit. They're going to fucking, they have every bag of garbage from the moment of time and they have them like locked up by date,

labeled, so that if you talk about something, they can go back to this warehouse and they go, we found it, we found the bag,

we got the wrappers. This fucking kid's on the pot. Yeah, man. And that you brought those, they'll find your DNA from the rapper, from your sweat. They'll isolate it, and they'll bring you up into some sort of tribunal the next time you try to go to Sydney. Here's how little I care about that.

Just YouTube search, this is not happening. Ari smuggles weed into Australia, and you can see it right now. You are a gangster, sir. You know, man, that makes me think of this movie that's coming out I'm really excited about. Timothy Leary's kid is releasing this movie about his dad and Richard Alpert, but it's got all this, like, fresh. Bradley Cooper plays Timothy Leary, I heard. What's that?

No, this is a documentary. Oh, I missed it. God damn it. Sorry, Joe. Totally. That's such a slow ball, too, and I just fucking like, what? That was a slow ball. Yeah, he was going to give acid to this kid, and he wasn't going to,

but then the kid picked up a Bible, so he gave the kid acid. No, this would be... We've got to start making the real movies of these things. That would be like their sniper moment. Yeah. Like the kid is about to pick up the Bible. I can't do it. He gets the eyedropper and squirts it in the kid's mouth,

and you see the kid's eyeballs dilate. The kid falls back into a kaleidoscope. Sgt. Pepper's lowly heart's clasping. Here's the real Jesus. kid's mouth and you see the kid's eyeballs dilate falls back into a kaleidoscope and sergeant pepper's we hope you do something probably worse something more ridiculous in that won't smart people be able to see through this yeah that's not who's watching this though yeah those sniper movies aren't really for smart people but it's cool to watch clips of Timothy Leary at the Senate hearings, man. I apologize to my date afterwards. It's cool watching him having to talk to Senate about LSD. It's badass.

So he does. You apologize to your date? Yeah. Why? We were talking. I was like, yeah, I thought that would be better than it was. Sorry. Just a poor pick.

I mean, you get to pick the next one. That's hilarious, dude. Poor pick. That's hilarious, dude. Poor pick. That's hilarious. There's a lot of stories about this. I'm getting a shitload of tweets of people asking me to substantiate, but there's a lot of stories. It's all over online. What, him being a liar?

Yeah, well, the concerns. I can't say. I don't know who the fuck is right and who's wrong. I didn't do any research. Except the jury decided. The jury decided. in this one case that ventura is right Yeah, and then nothing else has been they owe him they owe Jesse Ventura 1.8 million dollars Apparently 1.8 million should be 1.9 million. I say 1.7 1.7. So what the fuck? So it's also crazy. Yeah, that that's how let's get there. It's never like 1.81374 million.

It's that exact amount is the pain? How did they come up with it? You narrowed it down to the closest 800,000? That's a weird thing, man, to make a movie about a guy that might have been a liar and put those lies in a movie and that gets America all frothy. This is a true story. You know what that means.

That means another fucking attack's coming. Does that what it means? What do you think? It's all orchestrated already? Because we've got to get people ready to join up. I don't think so. Oh, right. Yeah, I mean, it's better than a draft.

I guess if you've got to pick between a draft and non-draft, if that means ridiculous propaganda movies coming out every year, then... You know what I think? I think you shouldn't... No wars. That's better. We should fight no wars with anyone under 50. I think everybody who goes to war should be over 50.

World peace. And let's see how quick we fucking settle this thing. I bet it would be pretty goddamn quick. A bunch of old people that just don't want any trouble. I mean, that is... It was like, how can we... Is there a way to solve this without shooting them? It like those cops were like he was coming at me and it's like okay but shooting him to death is the only way to stop a guy every night you because you think

about the consequences of the decision think about the consequences of a decision to fly in a plane to a place where you've never been and shoot someone you've never known based on the directions by some people who you don't know, who are making you march. They're making you go, shoom, shoom, shoom, shoom, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They're making you do all this shit, preparing you for,

you have to listen to them unquestionably. They gotta come home. But imagine that with 50 year olds. Yeah. It's never gonna happen. We're sleeping in the desert, no way. We're gonna go, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we shooting these guys?

Wait a minute, wait a minute, we're breaking down what door? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you and where'd you go to school? What's your degree in? And you're gonna tell me about international politics? Do you even know these fucking Sunnis? What's the difference between a Sunni and a Shia, sir? Tell me what the difference is. Do you know? Do you know why these people are at war with each other? Do you know why they hate each other? Do you know why they hate us?

Do you know this is Holy Land? Do you know how long this has been Holy Land? Do you know when they're and you, if you had a group of 50-year-old people... Go there and outslug it? Sit down, soldier, when I'm talking to you! Oh, you're loud, so I have to listen? Is that what's going on? Oh, you don't have anything to say, so you're just going to loud.

Are you going to get in my face and spit? Is that going to make me intimidated? And so I'll listen. So I'll just go and kill some people that you say are bad. If we did that, if we just had only 50 year olds and above go to war the whole fucking thing would change yeah the whole thing it's just it's easy to send fucking kids they don't know any better they say your cerebral cortex your frontal lobe they're saying like for young males especially because of the fucking influx of testosterone they're rowdier they're not're rowdier. They're rowdier. They're not making rational decisions. Like when you're a 16-year-old kid, your balls are filled with testosterone.

This is a completely new experience. By the time you've got to be 40 years old, you've had a lifetime of wanting to come. A lifetime of knowing what that is and knowing how to mitigate it. When you're 17, 18, you don't know what the fuck is happening to your body. You add into that Masturbation guilt like people who are actually avoiding masturbation most of us don't but there are some who do so they try it as little It's the white gloves on well do it about when they get caught masturbating they put make them wear a white glove Another thing with Marie I would wear white gloves and someone who's not

Wasn't that a thing with Maria? I would wear white gloves on someone who's not masturbating. That motherfucker's going to blow. White glove, white warning. They should have one of those GoPros over your bunk, and if they don't see you beating off under the sheets, they could fucking ask you questions. Duncan, you want to come in here and talk to us real quick? You got anything on your mind?

Like maybe pussy? Yeah, no shit, man. Pussy or booties or something on your mind? You're trying to keep boys assholes. No, sir, I'm just thinking about killing right now. Duncan, this is not the type of soldier we're looking for in this here army. We want well-balanced individuals that make rational choices based on the evidence at hand, not based on lust, not based on a ball full of cum just waiting to fucking jizz all over some new part of the world to spread your fucking seed.

My gun is my cock. The bullets are fucking jizz all over some new part of the world to spread your fucking seed my gun is my cock the bullets are my jizz and the brains of the muhajir d are my pussy friend oh my god in the movie they told him his best friend died to go jim's dead bro bro is it really this bad you gotta go see it man oh my god and you want to get up and leave but you're like are you gonna call me un-american if i just think the filmmaking of this is bad that's how manipulative it is like you want to walk out but simultaneously you feel like you're being like you have to go 218 on this this is kind of of... You couldn't have done this in an hour, hour 26? Yeah. It's 218. It's kind of embarrassing if this turns out that this guy really did make up all this shit.

Because there's another article I'm looking at right now about the criticism of the post-Katrina New Orleans story, like how it's all total horse shit, how they can prove

it's horse shit because he wasn't even there at that time. Yeah. It's like, there's a lot of horse shit. I mean, there's Facebook pages. And in the movie, it's all he's just trying to downplay all of his legend,

even though now it's like he's the one who was saying it. They'll fry you for this if you're wrong. Good luck with your shot. I'm not supposed to help you out here, but they'll fry you for it. Yeah, they'll fry you, put you in Levin. Why aren't you looking? You're the spotter. Look.

You helped him tell if it's an IUD or not. You're just crouching behind a wall. Just fucking up his shot. Hope you needed extra pressure on this. There's a Facebook page. I'm not endorsing this. I'm just letting you know. That's dedicated entirely to the subject.

And it's Chris Kyle was a murderous liar. It's a community on Facebook. And it's all a bunch of different posts saying that you know saying how much it was bullshit this is crazy man yeah i guess people don't want to it's really hard for people to digest the simple fact that that war makes a lot of money for a small amount of people it's a profitable endeavor and if you want to make money in that industry then you've got to convince heroes because that is the heroic inst it's a really sweet impulse the idea that I

will give my life for you to protect you yeah to protect people I don't know that's the one of the highest human aspirations it's like an incredible thing but so you take those people who have this incredible aspiration to give their life to protect people and you lie to them yeah brainwash them and send them to a place to kill people based on this very incredible thing yeah they made pat tillman leave the nfl and fucking give his life and by the way well no pat Tillman did it on his own. Yeah. But I'm saying, I put it in his mind, like, we need you to do this. But Pat Tillman was a huge critic once he got over there.

You know, he was killed by friendly fire. And there's many people that have speculated they murdered him. They murdered him because he wouldn't shut the fuck up about how disorganized everything was. About what a dog and pony show and everything was fucked up. The people that he had to listen to were all assholes He was like this is crazy like this is not what I signed up for this not what I wanted I'd you be there's total chaos which led to this fucking crossfire situation We fucking tell me yeah, I'm gonna stop shooting and then they shot him. They shot his whole troop up though

Yeah, I mean look there when you start shooting things That's the other thing it become time and then say we've- Things become targets. They don't comment on drone mistakes. They don't comment on the times when it blows up a fucking wedding convention. Which is most of the time. That's like- There's more mistakes. The innocence, and then our policy is not to comment on that.

Like, wait, why is that an allowable policy? Yeah, the percentage is terrifying. If you look at the percentage of people that are actually killed by drones that are their intended targets, it's terrible. Well, they shouldn't be terrorists, but they're not. There is surgical strikes. Yeah. How crazy is that?

It's not a scalpel on the end of a fishing pole. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's the idea that surgical is retarded. If we had drones going overhead, and then I found out who's responsible for it, Yemen, and I'm a little kid, and I'm like, this fucking Yemen drone that's over here killed my kid. It's like, goddamn right I'm going to want fucking Yemen drone. That's over here killed my kids like goddamn, right?

I'm gonna want to attack Yemen stop fucking said of that shit over here. It's killed my father Yeah, well not only that but why wouldn't they want to? And if you look at the like we were talking earlier about what you were saying about this these Invading armies in Iraq and all the people that have PTSD and the birth defects You know you got to go way back to the original Gulf War. They were using fucking depleted uranium, and everybody forgets about this. Everybody completely sweeps this under the rug.

It was proven. They used depleted uranium shells that blew right through fucking tanks. This incredibly dense nuclear waste that poisons everything around it for, well, 100,000 years. And that was 25 years ago. We're expecting those 15-year-olds who are the 40-year-olds now to go, oh, well, I don't care anymore. No big deal.

Yeah. I'll just forget about that time you killed my entire family. Oh, and you're right here. Someone representing your government's right here. Oh, totally cool. But it's something that we're not supposed to talk about just like the ideologies that we discussed earlier, just like religion. It falls into a religion. You've got to talk just like religion. It falls into a religion.

You gotta talk about it. Nationalism falls into a religion. If you don't all start talking about it, then you can't talk about it. You gotta talk about it. Well, it's also because, like, look, there are bad people. You gotta all keep talking about it.

That's right, man. That's why it's all leaked, because everyone's like, I don't know what to do, right? Everyone talks about it and becomes normalized. You gotta just talk about it at all times. Exactly. With your friends, with whatever. And it doesn't mean that you don't,

this is where people get confused. It doesn't mean that there aren't heroes and it doesn't mean you don't need a defense. You don't need to be able to protect yourself from some fucking North Korean asshole if that guy decides to start taking over the world. Like, what if they had massive resources? We're lucky they're in a resource-starved environment.

So you have this communist dictator with nuclear weapons in a resource starved environment Where they have to shut the lights off at night because they can't afford to keep them on right But if that guy had oil or gold or something crazy and like Saudi Arabia type money If like one of those guys became some sort of a fucking world spreading villain you need heroes You need real soldiers that are willing to fight against bad people that's what happened in world war ii right world war ii when you had the nazis and all that i mean i'm sure there's all sorts of complexities they use the justified war uh argument as yes proof to get us

into sort of less way less justified wars absolutely and what we're saying before about religion is the best thing to happen to the u.s army well we're saying look now we can do anything if we just say we're doing the right thing. Exactly. It's exactly the same thing we were saying about religion. It's not that these people are bad people and it's not that God is bad. No one's saying that. But what we're saying is, look what's being done in the name of this.

And look how there's no thinking. Whenever there's no thinking and horrific acts are being done. There's no thing. If you're ever in a horrific acts are being done, there's no thinking. If you're ever in a situation where a fucking little kid has a rocket launcher, everybody should stop what they're doing, get the fuck out of there, and try to figure out, A, how did this happen?

And B, how do you fix it? And the way you don't fix it is by shooting kids. That doesn't fix shit. That's just like the mother, my baby! You know what the Oakland PD is doing now? Oakland PD is starting up youth basketball leagues and they're coaching and stuff. So that the youth grow up not going, fuck the police.

But like, no, the police are cool. They help us out and stuff. That's a great idea. So it's like, look, we can't solve it right now. But 20 years from now, it'll be better than it is now. Well, it's also, look what's happened in New York when they did the police slowdown. Where they just wouldn't arrest anybody for anything after those two cops got shot by that one guy. That one guy who, by the way, also shot his fucking ex-girlfriend.

The guy was a piece of shit. People would think he's a hero. Jesus Christ, he shot his girlfriend first, and then he went and shot those cops. He was a psychotic, murderous person. But because of that act act the cops backed up the cops finally started stopped fucking with people they need to stay where they're at right there yeah exactly where they are right there after they get killed why are you fighting against cameras

i'm not saying that they should be scared all the time of being murdered but i'm saying the attitude that they develop okay we're not going to arrest anybody for anything that's not important that's all you should have ever been doing. Yeah, right. You're not a fucking revenue collector. It's illegal to sell cigarettes outside, so tell them to get lost. Or don't do shit. You'll shake them down.

How about that? How about you hire a fucking lawyer to go sue that guy, and then you find out he doesn't have any money, he's not going to pay you anyway. There's your problem. Yeah. You've got a problem with tax collecting. You know what a problem, if that guy robs somebody, then you bring in the cops. Then arrest people for jaywalking. problem. You got a problem with tax collecting. You know if that guy robs somebody then you bring in the cops.

If he comes in and he breaks into your house and steals your TV then you have the cops. But anything, any use of that other than protecting people, fucking choking a guy because he's not paying cigarette tax? What the fuck are the cops? Yeah, it's not like New York plunged into chaos because

they started enforcing, stopped enforcing Write him a ticket. Yeah. You know how much nicer the world would be if cops only acted in that slow down manner? But they don't act like that with big black men. There's a huge racism thing there. I mean, it would be incredible. Yeah, they don't act that way. You've been there over the last few months.

You've moved there like half the year. What is your experience like of the difference in racism out here as opposed to racism there? Well, everyone's all joined in. Here we're more separated. But it's's like i don't think we see shit like white people don't even see the like they're constantly getting like you know what resisting arrest is resisting arrest is after the first time somebody's like hey let me see your id and they grab you and they push you the second time the same shit happens a cop pushes you the fourth time they get out of your car and they grab your wrist come on man if you pull back you've resisted arrest Wow

I'm late for a movie what let's just talk about this first You've resisted arrest right and it's up to their discretion whether or not they choose to arrest you or don't arrest you People some people get off on the exact same charge and they skate whereas other people get arrested Like if you're a white guy with a suit and you do a certain thing the stop and frisk Yeah, based on stop and frisk people, Latinos and blacks who look like they might have some shit. Right. You didn't see it on Wall Street. You didn't see them instigating

stop and frisk on Wall Street. So people on Wall Street weren't as outraged about it. Stop and frisk for shit that shouldn't be illegal in the first place. Right. So that's like illegal search. It's like saying we're going to just search you but we have no reason to search you. Well it could have been weapons. Yeah but it's generally. They were looking for weapons for weapons they're looking for i mean it's dope man they want to get you for dope they'd arrest you for dope like you're looking for weapons

something that grows out of the earth it uh helps cancer and i'll be honest stop seizures if i yeah if i'm a cop and i don't like you and i see something even if i don't think it's wrong if i'm a 23 year old i'm like oh well i'm gonna put you in jail now meanwhile you don't like you and I see something even if I don't think it's wrong if I'm a 23 year old I'm like well. I'm gonna put you in jail now meanwhile. You know anything wrong Wall Street guy with a leather-bound briefcase It has your in your engravement of your initials and your family crest on it They pull you over they stop and frisk you pop open the you see a bottle of heroin Huh heroin pills, but on that bottle has your name on it Heroin. Heroin pills. But on that bottle has your name on it.

They go, oh, seems to match. Here's your heroin back. You've registered. You've registered. You've paid your taxes. The king got his price up this. You know how I know that people would abuse their privileges based on stuff they don't even believe in? We have a comedian's basketball league, and we're all playing. And it's a rec league.

They call technicals on curses and stuff. And so if you hear somebody curse... Comedians? Yeah, well, they don't know it's comedians League There's we just made our own comedians League But if we hear somebody cursing some other community if I hear fucking Jeff die curse Oh, he cursed he cursed and we all try to get a fucking cheap technical Shit that no comic believes cursing should be not allowed right, but isn't that just for fun like you're doing it for fun

Yeah, but we want the fucking benefit. We're going to abuse our power so we don't believe in. Of course, if at 23 somebody goes, fuck you, cop. Like, well, I'll look at anything I can to put you in jail right now. That would be like if we were playing pool and I go, oh, it's fucking shot. Oh, give me ball in hand. Exactly, because I cursed and you'd actually ask for it. No, no, no, dude, you got to give me ball in hand. That would be such a-

You'd be like, I decline that rule. Douchey game. You guys do that playing basketball? You need to stop. You need to get on mushrooms and think about that. Yeah. Calling technicals on people for swearing. I say, when they're technicals like that or not having your jersey, I'm like, we're comics.

Nobody remembers to wash their jersey. And it's only comics playing against comics? We made our own league. So it's only you guys. So you have to have done an open mic at least to get on that thing. That's hilarious. Except we have one team. We call them the corporate sellouts, and that's all the agents and managers.

Oh, that's funny. You know what you should do? You should recruit really fucking good players and just get them to do an open mic thing. That's what Rick Glassman shit. That's what he does. And he gets them to do one open mic. Like, no, man. That's all you'd have to do.

The point is to play the game with comics. We're all having fun. Play the game with comics. Well, we used to have a comics softball league back in Boston. Really? Oh, my God. It would get so competitive. It was so crazy.

It was like- Competitive. People screaming at people over fucking fouls or where ball was in, the ball was out. It was like, oh, my God. Yeah. I remember people in each other's face throwing their gloves down, screaming at each other. A comics baseball game. Yeah. But that's in each other's face throwing their gloves down, screaming at each other. A comics baseball game. Yeah.

But that's Boston, too. Baby babies without their bottles. I was back at Boston. They fixed that club. That Laugh Boston. That's great. That's great. Yeah, the sound system is awesome.

Okay. You don't have to worry about it anymore. I'll be on the autumn then. Because everybody had that rumor that was out that the sound system sucked. It's loud as fuck. It did feed back once when I like on top of the the actual speaker I wasn't talking about that happens almost everywhere. You know unless it's perfect. That's one thing the improv does You know there's never a fuck-up if you're working an improv like if the the sound systems always perfect

The seating is always perfect. There's never sight line issues All right, they don't ever fuck around like, you know some clubs that you work out They're kind of funky like if you see one stadium so you can't even see fly balls yeah but clubs worse because there's often pillars in the room yeah and if you're behind that pillar and you go to the right side like the the people that are behind that pillar literally can't even see you yeah like they're there but unless they have to watch monitors in a club the improv has that nailed yeah they always say like no you got to set this up like that like all of them are like nope set it up like that Yeah, this way. It's got Todd glass level approval Todd glass. Yeah, he's helium helium. He helped them design

Oh, he did. Yeah helium in Philly listen. I gotta go Can I say something real quick? I'm gonna be doing a live dunker trussell family our podcast on the 25th, which is this Sunday in Dallas, Texas. And ticket links are at my website. Good Lord, Duncan Trussell. A live Duncan Trussell Family Hour. With Johnny Pemberton. With Johnny Pemberton.

Please tell me I can go. Please. Is it this weekend? It's this weekend, this Sunday. Where is it? I'm going to be in Sweden. That's in Dallas. And then I'm doing Austin and the Come and Take It Comedy Festival,

which is in Houston, too. What is it called? The what? The Come and Take It Comedy Takeover Festival. It's on my website. If you're in Texas, come out and see a podcast. Yee-haw! And Comedy Central, This Is Not Happening premieres...

This Thursday. Every Thursday at 1230 after midnight for eight straight weeks. Boom, son. Look at the openings. Eight different after midnight for eight straight weeks. Boom, son. Look at the openings. Eight different openings. The director's crazy. Boom, son. And on top of that, the other videos are available on YouTube on...

Yeah, go to This Is Not Happening on YouTube. Just enter that. They should all be coming up. Good googly moogly, ladies and gentlemen. The playlists will be out tomorrow. My new one's out today. All right. I'm gone all week.

No more podcasts. Go fuck yourself. Thanks, everybody. See you soon. Alright, I'm gone all week. No more podcasts. Go fuck yourself. Thanks, everybody. See you soon. Oh, January 30th, I'm at the Mirage in Las Vegas. Again, back at the Mirage with Tony Hinchcliffe and Ian Edwards. So we'll see you then. Alright, much love. Bye. Bye. That was awesome, Mario.