The Joe Rogan Experience - #619 - Bryan Callen & Brendan Schaub

Episode Date: March 3, 2015

Bryan Callen is an actor and stand-up comedian. Brendan Schaub is a mixed martial artist and also a former college & pro football player. Together they host "The Fighter & The Kid" podcast available on Spotify.

Boom boom boom boom boom boom Are we live? Boom. Beautiful. We don't need no fucking stinking music. We don't need it, man. We got us. We got us. Yeah. We were just discussing referees letting guys get choked unconscious. So we'll need to educate that dude from this previous weekend. Yeah, I think some guys have never been choked out.

I think that's one thing. Even if you don't have a martial arts background, you be a referee you're aware of that right you can be yes you could be a referee all you have to do is understand what's going on you take like referee classes you learn you can start out taking referee classes as a complete total novice I think you should have I think as a ref you should have at least been choked out once and been knocked out once. I mean, Herb Dean had a pro fight, I think. Oh, he had several pro fights. And Herb Dean rolls all the time. Herb Dean's a real martial artist.

So is Mario Yamasaki. Yamasaki's a black belt. So is John McCarthy. He's a black belt in jiu-jitsu. All those guys that we think. So is Josh, who's in jail right now. No, he's out. He's out. Pretty sure he's out. Yeah, Rosenbaum. Josh is out. He's out.

Pretty sure he's out. Yeah, he is. Josh is a very high-level brown belt. He knows his shit. Even if you're a one-stripe white belt, you know what the hell's going on. A little bit. What are you doing? You know a little bit.

Especially on a rear naked choke. Yeah. It's not like it was a darch or something kind of hidden you can't see. Well, he was face up, too. It was a rear naked face up. So it wasn't like, you know, like sometimes guys get chokedoked out and the guys on top of them and they have their back and They got a belly down and you can't see the guy's face But when the guy's face up and you're looking at his eyes Jesus. Yeah, what are you doing?

Yeah, he queues out for a couple seconds. You know sometimes people just don't make good decisions You know they just they error they it's not that they're bad people just they Doesn't work. And in that case, look, if I fuck up, it's not good because a bunch of people are listening. They want the show to be smooth and entertaining. But if I fuck up, it's not that big a deal. No one's getting hurt. Right.

If this guy fucks up, someone's going to get choked to sleep, you know, that wouldn't get choked to sleep. Or someone's going to get beaten a few extra times. Which can make a huge difference. The beatingss for sure I mean good thing it was in a joint manipulation submission cuz then you're talking about someone's arm being broke instead of just getting choked out well in that situation though don't you let the guy fight out of it like I let a guy fight out of a full arm bar cuz the way I would feel is that if his arm pops that's on him and guys have gotten their arms popped and one fights before Jon Jones got his

Fucking arm popped Against Vitor True Did he really Yes he did Fuck yeah he did That was indeed He got his arm

Completely hyperextended Yeah by then Vitor had his whole body Dude it was bad There's probably Well if we play the video They'll probably do There might be a picture of it

You can find an image of it But at full extension It was completely Hyperextended the other way. And John's elbow was fucked up for a long time after that because I remember he had to coach the ultimate fighter. And, like, that's one of the things they said. Like, well, it's good anyway because he can't really train right now

because his elbow's fucked up from the Vitor fight. So he went in taps. That's probably the closest he's been to losing, huh? Besides the decision with Alexander. But that's definitely the closest. Most trouble he's been in. For sure. For sure. That was a bad, bad, bad, bad spot. Vitor's nasty dude. You know, a lot of people are taking him

for granted versus Weidman because the whole TRT thing, I don't fucking buy it, man. I don't buy it. He looks good in his pictures. He looks way better than he used to. Like, there was a period after he got off TRT where he deflated. When we saw him at those weigh-ins, he looked like a straight welterweight. Yeah, but he looks a lot thicker now.

Yeah, he looks way better. So I know he's been doing a lot of, they say that the way you have to jumpstart your system, one of the big ways, you do a lot of compound exercises, like cleans and presses. Because it forces your body to produce testosterone. Testosterone. And estrogen. Definitely testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone, yeah. Yeah, big, big things like he was doing Zercher squats, which is where

it's almost like you put your hands together and make your arms like you're curling. You put the bar, you hang it from your arms and you do your squats like that. They're tough, man, on your core? Yes. Very downward. Yeah, I do them too too so he's doing all that kind of crazy i don't so you know i'm i'm hoping this is how it uh how he this is one

but this gives you an idea how strong jones is he's just so weird strong he's ridiculously strong right but vitor caught it at a perfect spot you know he might have he might have been able to win the fight if he didn't let up on it but i think think he let up on it when it popped at the first close. He said he let up on it, and I believe him. And then he got submitted. Yep, he got Kimura'd. John Kimura'd him. I mean, after his arm got all fucked up.

So his right arm's all blown out, and he still uses it to Kimura him later on in the fight. And then he's fucked up for a while after that fight. That was one of the reasons why he coached the Ultimate Fighter. Right there. Chael said he just wasn't training. He'd walk by him. Chael would be training twice a day

all full of sweat. And John would walk by, crisp as clean. Just nice and showered. He's like, when is he training? Maybe he wasn't. He wasn't. Chael said that's when he realized that he's just not as good as John. He said he got in there. Yeah, he said 30 seconds in, he goes, I wanted to get out of that ring so fast.

He goes, I just couldn't believe how strong he was. Yeah, John Jones is no goddamn joke. Now think about him, and then think about what Anthony Rumble Johnson versus him is going to be like. Like, that's going to be the most chaotic goddamn fight. Insane. That's my number one fight all time. Really? All time?

Yep. Dang. That really escalated. You think, why? Because he's got such knockout power, and if John makes a mistake? Uh-huh. And because I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking about all the great matchups.

Like, there's been some great matchups, you know, for sure. Like, BJ Penn versus George St. Pierre when it first happened. Goddamn, that was a big buildup. Big matchup. Chuck Liddell versus Tito. Chuck Liddell versus George St. Pierre when it first happened. God damn, that was a big build-up, big match-up. Chuck Liddell, Tito. Chuck Liddell versus Tito. But those, I had a pretty good sense of what was going to happen. I had a pretty good sense that GSP was too big.

I think GSP was too big. He was too hot. His wrestling was too good. And I knew that BJ just didn't—that was before the Marinoviches. He didn't have that work ethic that he had. For a very short period of time, when BJ was in just insane shape, like the Sean Shirk fight, he was in insane shape. That was actually before that.

But he was in insane shape for that fight, the Diego Sanchez fight. He was a destroyer. Kenny Floyd, yeah. Who else? There was a couple other fights that he had, when he was in the best shape ever as a lightweight. But when he fought George, I was like, George is just too big. This is just not the right fight.

So this is, for you, this is the biggest fight ever. To me, this is the one where I don't know what the fuck. First of all, I think John is the greatest light heavyweight champ of all time. Ever. Yes, I agree. And I think he's also still growing and getting better. That's what's scary. Spectacular talent.

Because he just moved his entire camp to Albuquerque because he used to live in New York. Now he bought a place in Albuquerque and he's training full time now. He was just going to Albuquerque for camps. Huh? Think how crazy that's going to be. Yeah, it's incredible. The question becomes after he beats Anthony Rumble Johnson. Kane.

That's where he's got to go, right? The question is if. It's not after. Because I don't know what the fuck is gonna happen when anthony rumble johnson puts mitts on you i don't know i don't know who's gonna be able to withstand that i don't see the problem is is john is so much longer and the reach is a factor so i listen i thought glover was gonna be an issue for him boxing offered nothing because of that length it's tough to deal with man glover is very good

i said glover is like at a possible like stand-up challengers when i was looking at him coming in against john i was like he's got like really heavy hands especially really experienced especially at the time well he took a step back he's not training with uh he wasn't training with hackleman for this last fight he did it all in connecticut a lot of yeah yeah he had his own camp that he did down there a lot of people thought maybe he wasn't prepared as wellleman for this last fight. He did it all in Connecticut. Yeah, in his own camp. Yeah, he had his own camp that he did down there. A lot of people thought maybe he wasn't prepared as well. When he fought John, though, there was a ton of hype in the UFC pitch. Like, this is the guy.

Chuck Liddell signed off on it. Dana White. You know, everyone thought he was the guy. I felt like it. I mean, I feel like guys are as good as they are in their best performances, right? So, like, if you look at him, like, his best his best performance, he gets clipped by Ryan Bader and seconds later he puts Bader away. You look at the way he beat up Kyle Kingsbury.

That was a scary goddamn fight. The Kyle Kingsbury fight was scary. He just came out and he shows you what the fuck he can do. True. And you're like, whoa. You're like, whoa. And you know that Kyle Kingsbury, who's a very good athlete and a really cool guy, wasn't at the best of the best.

He wasn't at that level, right? He was dominated by... Pat Cummins. Pat Cummins, recently. Recently, yeah. So, you know, there's levels. And then, you know, Rumble Johnson has bad times at 170, but you've got to think that a lot of that

had to do with him starving himself. I'm sure. And when you're looking at him as a light heavyweight, you know, the way he fucking destroyed Noguera, I was just like, Jesus. And then taking out Gustafson like that in the first round. Well, although I wonder, because he did headbutt Gustafson, and Gustafson fell to his knees.

It makes you wonder at that point, because, I mean, Gustafson's still a killer, and I don't know. We just didn't get a chance to really see it. Definitely a factor. But it should be a factor for both men, right? I mean, they're hitting each other with their heads. But I feel like every time John has a new opponent, it's like, oh, this is it.

This is the one. Look at DC. I legitimately thought DC was probably going to beat him in a decision. Three to two. I thought he had the perfect setup, the perfect pedigree to beat John Jones. And then, I mean, John destroyed him. He picked him up by the hips. It really wasn't that close of a fight. So then now it mean, Jon destroyed him, took him down. He picked him up by the hips. He picked him up by the hips and double-legged him twice.

It really wasn't that close of a fight. So then now it's like, oh, here's Anthony Johnson. And I love Anthony. He's a monster. But I feel like we go through this every time. Well, we do. Until he fights Kane, I think once he does, and that's going to happen, I bet, when he fights Kane, now we're talking.

Well, I think Kane has to stay healthy. I mean, that's one of the thoughts. I think he beats Kane. Wow. Really? He might. You never know, man. Look, he might very well beat Johnson. It might be very well one of those things you look back on it in hindsight. And you say, well, you know,

maybe I should have figured that this could have happened or that John would have an advantage here. But, dude, when I watch that dude lay mitts on people, I'm telling you that 205 he's terrified I don't think I don't think can happen when that guy's hitting you that's I don't think that Anthony that John Jones is hearing a peep out of him wrestling wise though I think John Jones will dominate I mean if

he grabs him hold on to him he seems to this is why you should shut the fuck up did you see him fight Phil Davis yeah, the sprawls he hit Phil Davis with, ferocious sprawls. Yeah, but did you see what he did to a two-time Olympian? Phil Davis is a very high-level wrestler. Not close to, not like Daniel Cormier. Daniel Cormier is a two-time Olympian. That's true. That's true, but fitness-wise.

And Jones literally, sure, but Jones literally, I couldn't believe, he picked him up by the hips, boom, dumped him, dumped him again. Just out-wrestled him. And Cormier said, this guy is so much bigger than you think when he's hanging on you, whether it's leverage or whatever. And Daniel Cormier is a guy who picks up heavyweights and throws them on their head like, what's his name? Josh Barnett. No doubt. No doubt. Look, Cormier wasn't a good matchup for him.

John figured out right away that he could take him down. Once he took him down, the first round, I was like, holy shit. Yeah, once that happened, it was like, okay. Yeah, holy shit. Yeah, that's a goddamn wake-up call. All anybody who knew a lot about wrestling said is, there's no question that Jones is going to be on his back when Cormier grabs him. See, but that's, you know what? When you got a guy who's super fucking talented and his big derailment is a family.

I mean, that's what happened. He had a kid, and then we got out of competitive wrestling because he had to feed his family. But if he had gone on, what I'm seeing out of this guy, like wrestling with people, he would have been a very— Well, he was a Juco national champ. Juco national champion. Which is no punk, man. No, not at all. What is Juco?

Junior college national champion. But I think he would have given people fits as a wrestler. I i mean anybody in the world he would have given them fits oh yeah i think it would have all been dedicated or like how much how much time he dedicated to it how much energy he did but if he was in a situation where he could train 100% of you enough to support his family he would have been like a seriously world-class amateur wrestler if not the best especially his weight class. You look at what he's doing in the UFC. If he decided to focus on wrestling, he would be the best.

He's a fucking stud. With his mentality, man. And then, you know, you look at what Johnson's been able to do when he hits people, man. John doesn't do that. There's a difference between the way John hits people. John fucks people up, make no mistake about it. John's fought tougher guys, though. Fuck yeah, he has.

At 205. 100% he has. John's fought everybody. Jon's fought tougher guys, though. Fuck yeah, he has. At 205. 100% he has. Jon's fought everybody. Jon's fought everyone. Jon fights a little nog. It's not going to be pretty. No, it'll be ugly as fuck, especially now. He'll be so confident coming into it now.

But, you know, if you fought him back when Noguera gave, like, let's think about his best performance in the Octagon. Brills? Maybe. Brills? Maybe. Brills. Rashad? Rashad was a good one. Rashad was a good one because he shut him down with his boxing.

And Rashad was tentative, afraid to commit. People don't realize Little Nog was a national champion in Brazil. He's a really good boxer. He medaled. He medaled as an amateur boxer. Wow. Yeah, he medaled in the Pan Am Games or something like that. No, he's legit.

Super legit boxer. But Rumble at that stage, like Rumbleumbles coming up little nog or is good and older I was in the dressing room while little nog was warm up because I was corn and Pat Cummings against Kingsbury In where was that Sacramento? I think San Francisco anyways Little nog was warming up and he I'm telling you mouths ago. No, so should stop him from going out there he could he couldn't even hit the mitts he couldn't hit the mitts he's so stiff he's a bird said his name and then he started going a lot of those guys by the time they get to a certain age they've their bodies gone through so much trauma like so much physical trauma so much

damage so many kicks and he punches so many takedowns there's just micro and they're not that old. No. Him and his brother are not that old. They had ferocious, especially his brother, had ferocious wars. His brother, that fight with Bob Sapp. Oh, my God.

Dude, he was never the same after that fight. His neck was always fucked up after that fight. If you watch that fight, it's hard to believe he got through that. I know. He got piledrived by a 300-plus pound, gigantic super athlete. They offered him to fight again.

He was like, no, I beat him. Again? Yeah, and he was like, it doesn't make sense. I'd never fight a guy that big again. He'd break his back, man. He could have broken his back. Dude, he piledrived him. I mean.

Just an all-natural bop, sap, just fresh off those areas. Are you being sarcastic? Dude, you're going to get us written up in MMA magazines again. This will be the number one story. Come on. Brendan Schaub says Bob Sapp was on steroids. That's an outrage. That's ridiculous.

This is outrageous. I should probably address this Fedor thing because people keep bringing it up. First of all, I think it's weird that every time we have a podcast and we just talk shit, it becomes like stories. We get in trouble. Yeah, it's hilarious. They're stories. And one of them was that I said that it was highly possible that Fedor could have been on performance-enhancing drugs. I'm not saying that because he was cheating and everybody else wasn't.

When I say that, I'm just saying it only based on the environment that guy was competing in. Right. Where you looked at the contracts, it said specifically we do not test for steroids. Does that mean that anybody's on steroids? No, it absolutely doesn't mean it. But it doesn't mean the possibility is there. If only just to take it to recover. If Fedor comes out and he says, I never took steroids, this is a fact, I have no reason to disbelieve him.

Yeah. But we look at the environment that that guy was competing in, and there's no doubt about it. We just brought up Bob Sapp. He's the major one. He's the number one major one. There's the best evidence you ever need that no one's testing anybody.

Come on. You got a guy who looks like Hulk. Not even a human. 375. 375 with abs. 6% body fat or something like that. Just ridiculous. Silly Jack.

Beat Ernesto Hoost that way. One of the greatest kickboxers of all time. Just uppercuts jumping in the air. Just smashing with muscle and just test and D-ball, whatever the fuck else was in his veins. But it's like you look at it. There was a lot of guys that were doing stuff back then. If you talk to the people that competed, even people that are clean, they'll tell you, man, I saw dudes that I know for a fact were doing shit.

I know a good percentage of them were doing it. It might not have been Fedor. It's very possible. Yeah, but it's not crazy to assume that. It's not crazy. It's not ridiculous to assume that. So, first of all, the big important point, it wasn't even cheating. It's only cheating by our laws.

We're calling cheating by United States laws. They didn't even have it in their contract. Like it said in the contract, we're not going to test for steroids. They're telling you you can do whatever you want. So it's like, let's put it in perspective with this whole Tour de France thing. The big argument, Bill Burr had a hilarious segment on Conan talking about it, is like,

everybody was on juice, that it's a dirty sport. Our psychopath beat your psychopaths. But everyone's cheating, and he's right, he's right. That's what, if everyone just admitted what they were doing, then we would just be able to deal with it on the fact, well, to do that bike race, you need to have all this shit in your system. Yeah. That's the only way these guys could do it.

We could tell kids that. Don't feel inadequate next to Mr. This fuck guy. He's got scientists working for him. Because this fuck guy's got EPO in his veins. Yeah. And we should tell people this is the only way they can do this and compete. You know, but we make sure that their levels don't get above a safe amount

and then you let them compete that way. There's a lot of people that feel like that. You have such a dirty sport. Whereas when Armstrong had to give his shit back and they'd go back to people. 15th place. Yeah, it was like 15th place. The guy who didn't test positive for something. So it's basically a level playing field.

They're all cheating. It's just who's better at hiding the cheating So it's basically a level playing field. Yeah, it's basically a level playing field. Exactly. They're all cheating. It's just who's better at hiding the cheating, who's got a better team behind them. I don't think that's necessarily the case with fighting. Like I've said, I would bet a million dollars that BJ Penn never took shit. I'd bet a million dollars. I agree. He's the guy.

There's a lot of other guys I think if they got injured, like this is Anderson's thing. He's saying that he took it because he was injured and he was trying to heal his leg. He still can't do it because it's illegal. Like you can't't it's like it's not in the rules because they've first of all they've shown that if you do take it i believe that you're only taking it to heal your leg don't get me wrong but if you allow people that sort of loophole there's certain steroids that you can take that in they alter your body permanently like you're going to take steroids that they've

done tests on these and it might be a small amount and that small amount might be not even close to like the advantage that someone like has john like john jones has over someone like eddie brill you know what i mean like just insane genetics insane athleticism like even if you do take steroids and you keep a little bit of it you're still not. He's naturally stronger than you. Like, you're fucksville with nothing. With no drugs, he's way stronger than you. So you're fucked. But you can't let that be something that everybody does. Because you'd have to define what an injury is now.

Suddenly people would all have injuries. Well, not only that, people would do it in the off season and put on crazy strength. And Americans would hate you. The world would hate the sport if they knew everyone was cheating and roided to the gills. It's just not pure. People won't assume their heroes and the guys they see on TV or gals are supplement free. Yeah, and if we got to a point where everyone is doing, it's all obvious they do it. It's listed in their stats. He takes 15 milliliters of this fucking chemical. Can you imagine?

Dioxymacathate. And he tells the whole stack that he's on. And it's all about getting the right stack. But it really raises a very important question, which is, we are pushing way beyond our biology. And it's becoming exponential, and so you're going to have high school kids like Ray Kurzweil says, who can inject themselves with tiny little robots

like red blood cells that basically oxygenate your blood. They can sprint for an hour. Robots. Brian told me the other day that they have technology to create bulletproof flying dragons. No, I was just saying synthetic biology. They probably do. We're all fucked, man. I mean, we're probably 100 years away from them being able to create bulletproof flying dragons. No, I was just saying... They probably do. I was just saying synthetic biology. They probably do.

We're all fucked, man. I mean, we're probably 100 years away from them being able to create organisms. Whatever you can come up with. Yeah, anything you want. Craig Venter says 25 years. But the point is that... He's probably smarter than me,

so I'll go with what that guy says. The point is that you're getting to a point where you can... where biology and technology is just getting to a... How do you deny it? Yeah, you can't deny it. You're going to gene dope and do all this stuff. So then what does that mean?

When you're competing against another guy, is it actually like race cars? Race cars have a whole team of mechanics that work on that engine. But like race cars, you have a very specific amount of cubic inches you're allowed to have. That's true.

Everything has a certain amount. There's a limit to horsepower. That's very true. They run under the, so it's all the skill of the driver. Like the sophistication of the team big inches you're allowed to have. That's true. Everything has a certain amount. There's a limit to horsepower. That's very true. So it's all about the skill of the driver. Like the sophistication of the team that puts it together. I mean, they have to adjust the suspension, calibrate the dampers, make sure that everything's correct as far as the weight balance and all this other jazz, and they build a solid engine. But the engine has to be like, you know, whatever it is, 500 horsepower.

You can't. And here's a little news flash for you. whatever it is, 500 horsepower. You have to have a, you can't. And here's a little news flash for you. If every girl in the division at 135 took steroids, they're still not beating Ronda. You could be juice to the gills and you're not beating Ronda. Guys at 205, juice all you want.

You're not beating Jon Jones. It's just not going to happen, man. Right? Isn't that strange? It's like there's guys that, and by the way, that might have been Fedor. It's very possible. True.

And when I say this, I say this. I have like a few all-time favorite fighters. Brendan Schaub, of course, because he's my friend. Yes. Yes. You never saw me do Taekwondo? I don't know. Well, I did some video, I guess.

Okay, we'll show you. We'll get to that. But the top two, there's maybe like three or four that are interchangeable. And one of them is Vandalay, just because every fight was chaos. I'll be a Vandalay Silva fan to the day I die. That motherfucker was a maniac. In Pride, when he fought Rampage and he's standing in front of him, like bobbing his head back and forth, a fucking stare down.

Do this fucking thing. The wiggle of the gloves. Dude, I can very clearly remember Eddie Bravo and I sitting in my living room, cross-legged on the couch, hands sweaty, when Vandelay was about to fight Rampage. It was a fight, son, man. It was a fucking war. Couple of balls of estrogen. It was war.

God damn, he was good. God damn, he was chaotic. He was just so ferocious. So he will always have a special place in my heart. But then when it comes to technicians, there's two guys that are interchangeable. It's Anderson and Fedor. Those are my two favorite technicians. Anderson fell out of my top because of the steroids.

I give him a break. You give him a break. I give him a break on his past performances. I give him a break on the spectacular knockouts like the Vitor Belfort front kick to the face, choking out Dan Henderson when Dan was dropping bombs out people. I give him a break. You know, before his chin went, before the Weidman fight, when Weidman caught him, Weidman fucking hurt him, dude. He hurt him bad.

And if you watch that second fight, it just does not look like he takes the same punch that he did in the first fight. They're in a clinch. He gets clipped, and he goes down. And I look at i look at him i go man here's a guy who's struggling like this is the end of the he's 39 this is this is how we look at athletes right you know i mean this is the reality if you're going to be natural this is the reality of athletes they get to a certain point especially after a few knockouts and they're 39 years old like that's what you're looking at man you're looking at the the deterioration of the master and at one point in time anderson was the master to say anything else the best that's ridiculous he's the best everybody as far as performances i look at the way he put guys away too like the

stephen bonner fight like jesus christ he did it like he's a magician he he's standing with his back up against the game waved him over and then when he decides it's time to attack Crushes him with one knee imagine the flexes confidence you have to have to do that Huge to Donna 64 and 35 was on juice Obviously Bonner's not the best example. I mean he's not the best fighter that and no disrespect He's not the best fire that Anderson's faced, But you look at what he did to Rich Franklin. Rich Franklin's a tough motherfucker, man. Look at Rich Franklin with Chuck Liddell.

How about Forrest Griffin? Forrest Griffin, yeah. But do you think the Rich Franklin that fought Chuck Liddell was better than the Rich Franklin that fought Anderson? Because I don't. No, there's no way. No. So the Anderson that fought Rich Franklin, he fought the best Rich Franklin ever and just ran through him. Dismantled him with ease.

Stood in front of him, dropped his hands and let him throw kicks at him and just died. A fucking championship fight. In a world championship fight, his hands are down and the guy's throwing kicks at his head. And he's bobbing and weaving like it's not even happening. So you got Anderson over Fedor. I got Anderson overall. I have Anderson over everyone.

He's your favorite. He's my number one. Anderson's my favorite. Has to be. He doesn't have to be. Who's your favorite? Well, this number one. Anderson's my favorite. Has to be. He's my favorite. Has to be. Who's your favorite? Well, this is just my opinion. This is just my opinion. And in that mix, in that mix of those great guys is Anderson and Fedor. I say Anderson overall, but I've had some fantastic enjoyment watching Fedor fights. Like, what I'm saying and what I said about it being possible that someone might have done performance enhancing drugs. It's not an accusation

I'm just highlighting the reality of the environment that they were competing in That's it as far as my respect for him as an athlete as a fighter. I'm a huge huge fan of that guy I've always been a huge fan There's a video of me on YouTube with that huge UFC hated because I was talking about what a bad motherfucker He is this what he's fighting for than other organization It's a highlight video of me just r talking about what a bad motherfucker he is. This is what he was fighting for in another organization. It's a highlight video of me just ranting about what a bad motherfucker he is. Like, I've always thought he was amazing. I think Fader is in everyone's top.

I have to be honest. I'm honest about everything. And even if it could be possibly perceived to be disrespectful, it's not my intention. My intention is to look at the reality. I don't know whether or not someone took a performance-enhancing drug. I don't know right I have no idea I could take a wild guess but it's all bullshit unless I see it or unless we know for sure because someone tested a power as Traps are ridiculously large

Well, even then there's a do a suit bill assume that though. It's not crazy No one should write a story, but you assuming that exactly that's like assuming. I'm the only one that tans in here I'm brown as shit as you guys are white it's not ridiculous to assume i tan you know dimitri yeah dimitri's ukrainian yep and he's a built like a brick house he really is this dude and i've been friends for like 15. we competed together we were in the same taekwondo team we tried he was the heavyweight we i spotted that dude all you probably know him brian you're on the same side i didn't i couldn't actually. I missed a national tournament once because he kicked my shin and snapped my fucking, not the tibia, which is the fibula or the tibia?

Tibia is the fat one. The fibula is the small one. The painful one. My point is he's a stone. 235. That motherfucker never did anything. I know he never did anything. We were friends.

We were friends back when he was competing. I mean, they didn't test anybody back then. they tested you if you got to the Olympics in type one You would know if he was on something. He wasn't on shit. I know he wasn't Can't do that and I wish the public could could meet certain athletes where it's like no these people are actually born Different than you you meet Tim Tebow see Tim, and it's just like, he won't take protein powder he's worried about. Ronda Rousey, you hanging out with Ronda?

No. She does nothing. She's just built different than us. She's just a freak. Brock was at the UFC this weekend, and I shook his hands, and he picked me up in the air with a handshake.

What do you mean? And I'm not bullshitting, dude. He picked me up in the air with a fucking handshake. I go, what's up, big man? I clapped hands with him, and all of a sudden, I was in the air. Come on. Dude, I'm not fucking around, man.

He's a monster. He's a monster. I mean, he kind of touched me with his left hand while he picked me up. Wow. But most of it was just him sack a potato in me. Just a giant hand. Just giant. My hand disappeared.

It was like a laptop. It was like I was shaking hands with a laptop. That's like Shane Carlin who picked me up and started to squeeze me. You were there. And I was like, oh. I was tapping. And he goes, I just hear him in my ear. That's 20%, bro.

Dude, Shane. He squeezed my body. Shane, we'd be on his boat. His hand's so big. We'd be on his boat. And I'd be like, hey, Shane, you need another beer? He's like, I got one, brother. Peel his hand back.

I'm like, damn, bro. You can't fuck with that kind of genetics. Suck the jack off. You just can't fuck with that kind of genetics. It's just guys that are just too big. And I wish people could hang around with athletes of this caliber. It's like, no, I'm telling you, they're just built different. No matter what you ever do, you're never going to be on the same plane.

Nature ain't equal. Mike Tyson in his prime. I mean, just get the fuck out of here. He didn't need to do shit. All he was doing was working out. He was getting up. I run at 530 in the morning because it's dark out, and I always assume that my opponent's still sleeping,

and that gives me extra strength and extra confidence. He's fucking running. Just a fucking diesel, diesel, square-headed, destroying machine. Incredible. Fast twitch muscle fiber and angst. And finally in his life,

he's become special after years of neglect. And that special talent is knocking motherfuckers out. And 100 mil in the bank. Can you imagine him in his heyday? He had 400 mil, I believe. God, Jesus. At one point, then lost it all. Well him in his heyday he had 400 million At one point then lost it all why don't think he all had it all at one point now I don't think he had a million. I think that's like his total that he pissed away. Yeah over his life a lot of money Oh, yeah, yeah

Hey, hi He had Tigers Charlie Murphy was on my podcast and told a story about Mike Tyson and a fucking tiger There's a video of it pull the video of it it. Somebody made a video. Find out who the video was made by. Some fan did it. He did an animation of Mike Tyson and his fucking tiger.

He's got tigers. Charlie Murphy pulls up and no one wants to get out of the limousine. They're all sitting there in Mike Tyson's house. This is when his brother Eddie Murphy

was fucking gigantic. You know, he still is. But when Charlie, people didn't know who Charlie was. Charlie was hanging out with his brother who was friends

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're close I ran into them just totally randomly in Maui it was a cool shit I love them. Yeah, I was at the I was at the counter checking into a hotel and His cousin rich was there. I was like, what's up rich? What are you doing? Man? Cuz we went on that tour together the maximum Connie right he goes. Oh shit, man. What's up? He's just Charlie's here Eddiedie's here i go no way so i went and hung out with charlie and i had like i sat down with eddie murphy i was like sitting down with eddie murphy having lunch cool dude funny funny dude nicest guy man he's so nice because charlie's a stand-up guy right charlie is a fucking prince of a human being really he's a gem i love that that's good to hear he's such a good dude like

i had i hung out with that dude we did 22 shows together and i liked him more every night wow he's just a solid stand-up dude charlie murphy is where are they from those two new york charlie murphy's a legit martial artist too oh really oh yeah oh yeah he's legit black belt in karate yeah yeah he fought in like well his dad was a boxer shit back in the day But but he's well immersed in martial arts like you talked to him about martial arts And he just recently got pretty popular right cuz well not recently but cuz the Dave Chappelle show he's on there But before then it's like oh cool Charlie Murphy Yeah, I think I think his dad was a boxer and and Eddie Murphy works out made that he boxes

You know, I don't know if he's sparring. Yeah, but his dad dad was, I don't think he was a pro, but I think his dad was pretty close. Well, I don't know, but I know that Charlie's been doing martial arts since he was young. We had some great conversations about it. But just about everything, man. He's just one of those dudes that you listen to him, like you want to hear him talk. He has great stories, man. Could there be anyone bigger than Eddie Murphy at the time in his heyday? No.

Eddie Murphy was so big. Yeah, that donkey is the Shrek yeah I think he made well the movie made the voice of you a terrorist no he's the Shrek he's the donkey he's the donkey where you live in Saudi Arabia when all this shit was going on no I know who he is. Coming to America? You know who he is. No, he's huge. Hold on, hold on, hold on. He's huge.

I'm saying Shrek the donkey is where he made a ton. He made $13 million in a day or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to hit the brakes real quick. Can you name me one of Eddie Murphy's stand-up comedy specials? Raw, which I saw live. You saw live? Yes, I did.

You were in the audience? Get the fuck out of here. It was incredible. Whoa. I know. That's amazing. I know. How'd you get tickets? My the fuck out of here. It was incredible. Whoa. I know. That's amazing. I know. How'd you get tickets?

My friend bought them for us. It was a surprise for her brother's birthday. God. And it was incredible. Greg Belasco and his sister Amy. And we went there

and I had, I was so, I was probably what, 18, 19? Wow. And he comes out in his leather suit. Oh my God.

And I, these are seminal moments, because you could see him on the screen, too, and his acting and the things he did. It was shocking how good he was. Shocking. And they were all going crazy, and he went to one side of the room,

and he put his hand to his ear, then the next hand to his ear, and I was just like, well, that's the coolest dude on the planet. And the idea that I do that in a small way, that I'm a comic, is still incredible to me. Yeah, but for sure his highlight of his career is not Shrek being the donkey.

No, no. You fucked up. You didn't let me finish what I was saying. They were talking about how much he made for Universal. But you definitely fucked up, right? No, man. Guys, hold on. You went with Shrek?

You don't think you fucked up? Guys, hold on. I'm sure he made a lot of money, but guess what? He was already rich as fuck. Oh, yeah. Fagali, Gideon Murphy. What? Come on, son.

Fagali, Gideon Murphy. You had a dry spell for a while, though, didn't you? Listen, dude, Eddie Murphy. What? Come on, son. Yeah. If a guy like Eddie Murphy. Beverly had a dry spell for a while, though, didn't he? Listen, dude, settle down. What is dry spell? What, are you sitting back counting? Dry spell? You found out how much money he had. He got done.

He probably counted about $1,000 a day, and he got bored after a while, and then he said, let me start doing movies again. He did that movie with Steve Martin. Everybody goes, oh, shit. I forgot. Eddie Murphy's one of the funniest guys ever. Ever. He's amazing.

Ever. He's amazing. And Brian's like, the donkey. What'd you say, Jamie? Yeah, Dr. Doolittle? No, no, I forgot. Eddie Murphy's one of the funniest guys ever. Ever. And Brian's like, the donkey. What'd you say, Jamie? Yeah, Dr. Doolittle? No, no, the donkey. But those are like little kids movies. I gotta go back to like Trading Places. Incredible.

48 Hours? 48 Hours. Yeah, 48 Hours is the big one, right? Beverly Hills Cop is huge. Beverly Hills Cop. One, two, three, son. But Nick Nolte, come on, him and Nick Nolte. You fucking said Shrek, man. You said Shrek!

You didn't let me finish! No, you said a cartoon voice. It wasn't even him. I was saying he effortlessly made some insane amount of money just being a donkey. I'm telling you, that $13 million, he didn't need it. I know. That $13 million, it was chic. It went in a pile somewhere.

Right. He doesn't even feel that. Have you seen his girl lately? No. Have you seen his girl lately? She's the best-looking woman on the planet. I'm sure. He's still beautiful.

I saw him at the beach. He looks great. He doesn't look like whatever old he is. He's older than me. But I look older than him, probably. He is also a germaphobe. He'll use a bar of soap once, throw it away. He's rich.

Yeah. Eddie Murphy does that with sneakers. Really? Charlie gets sneakers. They're in a box before a show. Puts them on and throws those bitches to the side. Yeah, I'm not even rich. I only wear socks once, son, I'm not even rich.

I only wear socks once, son. I'm not even rich. I don't wear socks twice. Play the video of Charlie at Mike Tyson's house because this is how fucking goddamn funny Charlie Murphy is. I bet he has such good stories. Oh, he's a gem. I've never seen that Tyson document. Is it just called Tyson?

What is it called? I think Extremely Careful. You see a man and cry. It is fucking incredible. Tyson document is it just called Tyson fucking when he reflects on part of his life yeah strong man like that you have to realize that whatever was on it was no joke yeah it's incredible right that's a man who went to his house and it was five six limos and nobody we get out the limo that's how come nobody's getting out the car they said hey you don't see that lion standing over there? Mike Tyson had a lion in his front yard.

Like, hangover style. That's the only man whose house I ever went over, there was a lion in the front yard, loose. He was on the steps like this with a heavyweight belt. I was just pretending. What? What? What?

Talk to nobody who wants to get out the car and play with my cat. I'm like, no, man. didn't want to get out of the car playing with my cat. I was like, no, man. No, that's not a cat. That's a lion. That's fucking real. Mike Tyson had a lion. A male lion or a female lion? That's awesome.

With a mane, a lion in his front yard. Loose. Oh, shit. It was walking. It was off the leash, man. It was not in the cage. It was in the yard. Oh, my God. Then he came out and was in the yard. Oh, my God.

Then he came out and started wrestling with him. Oh, my God. Damn. He wrestled? How big was the lion? It was big, man. It was a lion, man. He was wrestling with a lion.

He came over there and grabbed him and started tussling with him and all. Jesus. And everybody was in the limousine. So the lion could come up to a limousine and bust the window open and come in there. Oh, I'm sorry. Easy. He could just go like this, boof, and come right in there and just have a look. So everybody was in the car.

He couldn't back out because it was all like five limos. So everybody's in the car horrified, thinking that Mike is getting ready to be eaten by this lion. But that doesn't happen. He plays with him and he takes him in the back. Comes back out. And I was like, you know what? I'm never going to be around another man in life that's gonna do that

that's incredible who's the animation the funniest thing telepath slain at telepathoid that's the dude so funny together so thank you buddy the line back Thank you, buddy. The lion back. The lion back. S-L-A-I-N. What is it again? Oh, God. Oh, shit. That was so good. You can just say, boof. I just want to give this guy's credit. What did it say at the very end there?

I just want to give it to the guy because it's really cool. It's funny animation, too. Telepathoid? Yeah. So slain at telepathoid? Yeah. Okay. Thanks, buddy.

Thanks for making that. But yeah, how funny is he? I said, boof. Boof. Dude. I've never heard anybody use that expression. A lion.

Like, I'm gonna be a lion. Heavyweight belt. Heavyweight belt. Could you imagine? It's the first time I'll never see something like this again in my life. Imagine seeing him

sitting there with a heavyweight belt. Imagine the experiences Mike Tyson had in his heyday and Eddie Murphy had in his heyday. God damn. Yeah, excess. Insanity. God damn. Yeah, excess.

Insanity. God damn. Yeah. That kind of celebrity brings out the aphrodisiac. Damn. Oops. There's so many crazy fucking dudes

in this world that have competed in MMA. So many crazy dudes that have fought in boxing. Their whole life story, if you had to accumulate the wildness of a Roberto Duran's life story. Johnny Tapia?

You ever seen the Johnny Tapia story? Watch the documentary on Johnny Tapia. Really? It's insane. Mimita Loka. Drug addict, fight world champion. Aaron Pryor, same thing. Just below.

So many of these great fighters, just crazy wild lives, so much nuts, chaos. Ending sometimes, Arturo got to get shot and killed. No, he got strangled. His fucking girl. Yeah. His girl killed him.

Yeah, set him up. He got off in Brazil. Brazil, man. It was all in Brazil. Set him up for the insurance, right? Yeah, apparently he was hit on the head and choked. Yeah. And they're saying he did it to himself.

Come on. Yeah. His family thinks she fucking killed him. Yeah. For sure. They got a picture of her getting out of jail she's laughing and smiling like that's not how you feel that's if you if that is really your husband you you miss him and he's gone you first of all you feel horrible that

someone put you in jail for that when you miss him so much and killed himself and second of all when you come out you don't you're not smiling you've got a celebration yeah this ain't a celebration you're still depressed because your husband's dead because he killed himself and you were just accused of doing it and people still suspect you of it you should be depressed you should feel terrible you should feel terrible the whole world is calling bullshit on you and saying that you killed him you should be like you should be under pressure she doesn't look like she's under pressure at all i saw a statistic today that said in Mexico if you commit a murder, there's less than 5% chance that you'll do any jail time.

Oh my gosh. That's also because the people doing- How insane is that? The people doing the murder are a lot of times so well connected. You're talking about cartel violence now. That's where the cops are involved and everything. That's where the cops are involved and everything. That's why I keep my ass in america yeah you know what man i i have a real real terrible feeling

about the way our our world is connected with like these borders of countries we won't let people in and we keep people out like on in some sense i kind of understand what people are trying to do trying to manage what we can with our own space but But if you're not managing your fucking next-door neighbor, if you're not helping your neighbor, say if you live next to a crazy, broken-down trailer, and you can't move. You have a permanent house. This is your neighbor, man.

What are you going to do? Are you going to help him out? His kids need some food. Maybe he needs a little money for gas. You're doing a lot better than him. Just give him a little every now and then just to soothe this motherfucker's life. Just soothe this motherfucker's shitty life. Mexico's issue is not that.

Mexico's issue, though, is institutions and the integrity of those institutions. Professor Callen, at it again. It's really true, though. Okay, but I was making a point, you fuck. No, but what I was trying to say is these people, they shouldn't be like another country. They're right there yeah they should be people that we consider you know to be in a bad situation and try to help them whether it's helping politically help them financially but the idea that we're just we're

separate from them like there's there should be like a lot of emphasis on trying to fix mexico and a less emphasis on with countries that are on the other side of the planet well you want to fix them you legalize marijuana overall in the United States, because the cartel drug war is what's feeding all this chaos. That's a big part of it. That's a big part of it, for sure. And there's a big part of it is probably going to be

a lot of the corruption that you're seeing, probably a lot of that's going to go away when things become more and more transparent because of the internet. It's going to be harder and harder for people to pull off the kind of shit They're doing her Russia right now where you see Putin's number one enemy. God just got whacked Oh shot right now right public with it with his hot hot girlfriend So just came here good

55 And he's got this smoking Russian girlfriend. She's 23. He's been with her for three years. Russian bunny. So it's love. So he's walking down. It's totally love.

They're very compatible. He's walking down the street with her, and a fucking car pulls up and just unloads on him. Kills her, too, or no? I think no. Didn't even shoot her. I think more than one guy shot her shot him rather it was a hit and she's just standing there while they just shoot him in front of her like bang bang bang it's horrifying dude's dead and you know and now they

just left let her leave and go back to her country they allowed her to think she cried or she's like damn she probably freaked out i mean that's a terrible thing to say he's probably completely freaked out i mean could you imagine you're dating this dude and he gets assassinated because it's probably loved him He was a really charismatic awesome guy from you know, he was all about reforms. He was a big critic I'm sure that's why she was with him. Well It's cultural everybody's got a different way of looking at things. Please question girlfriend. What are you doing Jimmy? She is things. Police question girlfriend. What are you doing, Jimmy?

She is... That's what I'm saying. That's as crazy as I've ever seen. It just hit red hot. Murdered Putin critic. That's the murdered Putin critic. Imagine if that was your title after you're dead. You're the murdered Putin critic. Because that's all people are going to remember about that cat. Well, on CNN stuff,

when I was doing the ice bucket challenge, I did it benching 315 pounds, right? You did the ice bucket challenge I did it how dare you bench in 315 pounds, right? You did the ice bucket challenge while benching? Yeah And I had count pour the water on me and the only thing I was concerned with is I said if it slips like it cut Falls off and hits me in the neck and I die will it be on CNN will be like guy tries ice bucket challenge dies That's the only thing I was worried you're not going to die from 315 pounds i want to drop it drop it on my face i'm not going to totally drop it like your arm's going to stop

working well the water let's say it slips off yeah have you seen that the usc football player yeah it's not going to be good either way yeah that guy was benching some stupid amount of weight like 600 plus pounds right wasn't he no this dude the homeboy had I think maybe 400 300 something and it slipped because the way they would do it they wouldn't wrap their fingers around the bar they're just like this oh god and his arms failed and it fell it just slipped off oh no and he takes off the bar no he was uh he's supposed to be a pretty high draft pick yeah fell on him obviously he's not really can't do anything and it's just like jacked him up man he can't do anything. It just, like, jacked him up, man. He can't talk anymore.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, broke his neck. Oh, my God. Trachea, everything. Can't speak. Oh, fuck. I've saw a different one. I saw it was a white guy. It was a power lifter dude.

Oh, I've seen that. He was so fat that I think he's good. You know, I'm listening to Richie real, bro. He was so fat, I think he's good. I think he's good. There's an advantage to being that thick, man. Well, a lot of guys get punched in the belly when they're fat, and the punch never even reaches them. I mean, they've got fucking five inches of layer.

That's crazy. Like, if somebody punches you legitimately, like, you could fuck somebody up with one of those Taekwondo body protectors on. You know, I've seen people get kicked and go to the hospital to the body. But if you're a fat guy, you're walking around through life with a Taekwondo body. You ain't dropping Roy Nelson with a liver shot. I'll tell you that. Roy is going to laugh if you hit him to the body. Yeah, well, especially to the front of the body.

Yeah, no one has ever roundhouse kicked that dude in the stomach and really fucked him up. He's the biggest mystery to me. He fights Overeem next. That's a good fight, son. That's in Dallas. Dallas. That's a big card. That's a good card.

What are you doing that weekend? You around? What weekend is it? March 13th and 14th. I will be in Chicago at the Schomburg Improv. And this weekend. Sucks for you, buddy. Where will I be this weekend?

I don't know. You tell me. Come on, man. You're supposed to do my advertisement. Lexington, Kentucky. Brian Callen. Off-Broadway comedy. Oh, is that the name of the place? Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Off-Broadway in Kentucky. Brian Callen Off-Broadway comedy Oh, is that the name of the place?

Thursday, Friday, Saturday Off-Broadway in Kentucky Brian Callen It's really off-Broadway It's way off-Broadway It's in Kentucky Far as shit Away from Broadway

You don't want to do comedy on Broadway Unless it's only you And you open With the exact same shit Every night And you do it as a performance piece Yeah You'd have to do a performance

With a box of wigs Yeah, for them It's performance piece. You'd have to do a performance art piece. With a box of wigs? Yeah, for them it's very important if you're gonna do a one-man show performance piece. Like, guys do stand-up. There's guys that have made a career off of doing stand-up as a one-man show. Like that Defending the Caveman guy.

He's made a fortune. A fuckload of money. Also, he might be a redneck. He did the same thing over and over, right? Over and over, yeah, one-man show. I didn't know he did that. You talking about Larry the Cable Guy? No.

No. Jeff Foxworthy. Oh, you didn't even know your goddamn friend. No, he was always just a stand-up, I think. Wasn't he, Foxworthy? He had that show for a while. He's still a stand-up. He was part of the Boothall Art Comedy Tour.

Is he still doing stand-up? Fuck yeah. Killing it still. You'll never stop. I'll never stop. Dude, well, fucking Larry the Cable Guy killed it. Nobody talks about Larry the Cable Guy. He flies under the weather.

Under the weather. Under the radar. Under the radar. He's got a fucking, there's a picture that Josh Wolfe showed me. Josh Wolfe and him did a tour together, and they did a goddamn football arena. God. And it's him standing on, yes, it's him standing on stage. Josh Wolfe took a selfie of him standing on stage in front of 100,000 fucking people.

Whatever the fuck it was. What is one of those football things? 90% mullet. 50,000. Let's say it's 50,000. How many did they get in one of those? 100,000. Okay.

Failed for Larry the Cable Guy. What? Failed. Is it 2004? Look at that. Look what you're looking at. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen. That's Nebraska. That's a big ass stadium.

Are you shitting me? Look at the size of that fucking crowd. Is that from Josh Wolfe's Twitter feed or something? Comedy Central. Dude, that's insane. Look at that. That's a sea of humans. That's an army. He could start a war. He could take those Larry the Cable guyettes and send them overseas. They could conquer countries.

One of his crowds. I didn't know. I got to be honest. I thought he was dead. Yo, that's the entire population of Boulder, Colorado. Yeah. That is. For real, man.

He's killing it. I didn't even know. Honestly, I didn't know he was still doing stand-up. Dude, he does that all the time. He does that all over the country. Yep. He doesn't do that like once a year. That's not like the once a year Larry the Cable guy.

No, he's... Dude. Dude. You think he's that redneck when you just hang out with him? No, it's not even who he is. No, I bet. His name is Dan Whitney. He's a real...

Look, pull the video. There's a video of him doing stand-up, and you have to watch it. It's him before he did the Larry the King. First of all, he's a great guy. Not dissing him at all. He's a super nice guy. Yeah. Always cool.

Very down-to-earth. Always has been. I met him, like, way back in the day in Montreal, before he was ever famous. He was cool as fuck back then. I've heard that. We had some drinks together, hung out at the Comedy Works. Just very, very cool guy. He might have a line at his front door but he

had a oh yeah he's killing the game he's married and you know he's having family and all that now but if he wanted to yeah he could but my point being is that this guy like created a character and was dude on the radio and then that character became super successful and that's just like who people think of him as right but it's like this is him this is him doing stand-up Wow so I thought I just born a pure redneck so i i thought i just born a pure redneck no grandma's just like nobody gets along with her did you just like sleep just did everything it's not fair to him to play this old material so let's just cut it right there you got the point nobody wants to see anybody's material from 1987. not still doing comedy today when you started out like two years in and you're on some terrible tv

thing about when he's having a bad day and just has to play a redneck. He's like, can I rip the fucking sleeves off? Give me this mullet. Listen, that dude's having fun. He's having fun. You don't think he gets sick of playing a redneck? No. Because he's... He's performing.

He's a character. It's a really funny character. Super funny. And he's got good jokes. He's always writing new stuff for it. I can't believe he's selling out Nebraska Stadium. Dude, he makes over $20 million a year easy. Yeah, he's gigantic.

For sure. He's gigantic. Just doing stand-up. And, you know, he's his own boss. He does whatever he wants. I think the goal now is to get a line in my front yard. Callan, you want to go in on one? Yeah, I do.

Why don't you go in on a line? Yes, I do. You can't go halfsies on an apex predator. Yeah, I'll have it Monday through Friday. You get it Saturday, Sunday. All right, good around the kids. No, the cat's going, good around the kids. No, the cat's going to have some fucking problems.

It's going to feel weird not knowing where its real house is. There's a guy in New York City. Cats can't have two dens. It's true. No, the dude in New York City who had a tiger in his apartment? He had a crocodile, too. Did he? Yeah. This guy's awesome.

The motherfucker had, like, alligators and shit. Feeding it whole chickens. What the fuck did you think was going to happen? What was the best case scenario with this giant alligator in your tummy? You might want to plan. You might want to plan for it. You had to call the cops. You had to call the cops, man.

Well, the tiger fucked him up. The tiger scratched him. Yeah, the tiger was like, bitch, I'm living in a fucking apartment. I need some exercise. It was being a tiger. Yeah. You can't have a tiger in your goddamn apartment in Harlem. No.

In this one-bedroom studio. Yeah, the tiger freaked out, son. You need to fucking run. See some crazy dude who thinks he's Neo in the Matrix, and he's got some long coat on, and he doesn't want anybody to know. He's got extra bolts on his door, and you go inside, and he's got a menagerie of fucking animals in there, tigers and lions and shit in his apartment.

I told you I got a tag in my house He's like this motherfucker really has a tiger in an apartment his thought cloud over his head is constantly I win nobody knows but I win I have the best pet I have the strongest pet not even that he's like the Fucking neighborhood mystery, you know nobody wants Yes, he has zero friends if you have an alligator in your bathtub and your best friends a tiger a pet tiger you have Zero, okay, but let me look at it from his point of view friends. If you have an alligator in your bathtub and your best friend's a tiger, a pet tiger, you have zero friends. Okay, but let me look at it from his point of view. What would you rather have? An alarm system that you know

no one's going to give a fuck because the cops are never going to answer it anyway. Like, they kick in your door, your alarm goes off, whatever. By the time the cops come, you're dead as fuck. Okay? If someone's going to try to harm you and you're in the Harlem, the cops are going to stand outside until the dust settles and then move in. They're not there for crime prevention.

They're there to write tickets and shit. Okay? So would you want an alarm system that everybody knows is bullshit or a fucking tiger in your house? I'm going to say, how confident are you with a pistol that you're going to walk out with a stereo

while you're holding off a tiger? Bitch. Bro, but that tiger, it's not like he was trained. It's like, all right, someone's breaking. I better let this tiger out. That tiger's fucking the robber up and you. No one's getting out alive.

Well, it'll probably, once it realizes how fun it is to fuck the robber up, it'll just want to fuck you up too. Yeah, man. It'll be like, why don't I wait for this motherfucker to crack open a can of Hannah for me? They just decide. Fuck him up right now. I don't want your stupid chicken. Eat that face off.

They just decide. Well, they want to kill things. Yeah want your stupid chicken. Eat that face off. They just decide. Well, they want to kill things. That's what we ignore when we put them in zoos. The most torturous aspect of zoos. It's like taking a man in his prime when he's just unbelievably attracted to women, right? And then putting him in like a glass zoo enclosure and parading naked women around him back and forth. And some people say that's an unfair example, but it's not, because nature has reward systems.

And the cats are the cleanup crew. When you get a limp, your design didn't work well. Guess what? People with thicker anchors, they survive. The thicker-ankled people survive. You thin-ankled motherfuckers got to go, okay? Thinning the herd. Yeah.

Thinning the herd. I want to talk to a- Thick fucking Samoan babies that can run fast i mean that's what's going to survive if tigers are everywhere in the san diego zoo there was a jaguar and the woman who tends to the cats was there and i said uh if i walked in that cage would that thing uh attack me and she said it would kill you and i said you didn't seem to hesitate she goes nope it's a predator it'll kill you and i said uh what are the chances you think of a human fighting something like that? She goes, well, she said, what it would do is it would bite you and it would keep adjusting

its grip because its canines, whatever you call them, have nerves where they can sense where the juggler is. So it would just keep adjusting and then get on your juggler and you'd go to sleep. My boy Cody Donovan worked at the, he was like in the morgue in the hospital where they put the bodies in. And then at the Denver Zoo, the lady at night who would feed the tigers and all that shit, she didn't lock the, she didn't lock it good enough. Like she, whatever, threw in the fucking T-bones or whatever they give them. And then she thought it would automatically locks and it didn't.

Something messed up the door from closing. Damn. So she's wheeling the cart. This fucking Jaguar sneaks out from behind. Boom. And they said she died instantly because its big-ass canine went all the way through her skull, through the back of her neck. Boom.

And Cody had to get the body, and he said they had to look. And it was just like this giant hole from the cat's canine. Straight through. That's a Jaguar, too. I mean, that's not even a particularly... Well, they're pretty big. They're a couple hundred pounds. They're not huge, though.

No, jags are not huge, though. They're not like a tiger. They're bigger than leopards, and they're very powerful. Well, they think that, yeah, jaguars are way bigger. And they're in South America, too. Yes. They're going to creep up there one day while we're sleeping. I think they say they're the most pound for a pound.

I believe a jaguar is the most powerful cat. I think the most powerful cat pound for pound is a house cat. I think they said if house cats were big, if they were big like a lion or tiger, we would be fucked. Yes. Are you serious? Yes. You tame them. You never domesticate them.

They still have all the same traits as a jungle cat. They're just smaller. They're very powerful. When you see how far a house cat can leap for its body size. It's crazy. Well, have you ever seen that video of the tiger that jumps like 12 feet in the air to get a piece of meat? There's a video of them holding this meat like above this truck for this tiger. And this tiger just leaps through the air to get the meat.

Well, look at how high the wall was in San Francisco when those kids were shooting that tiger with wrist rockets. No, they were throwing pine cones at it. Is that what it was? And the tiger was like, I thought they were shooting it with wrist rockets. No, they were throwing pine cones at it, supposedly. what it was? And Tiger was like, I'm going to, I thought they were shooting with wrist rockets. No, they were throwing pine cones at it, supposedly. Yeah. I mean, it was a bit from my act. And he got out.

Remember I had that bit about it? It jumped. About the tiger getting out and the look in the guy's face when the paws hit the top of the glass. Oh, that's right. You can't end up who you are. Did he kill two of them or just one of them? I don't care if you're Daniel Day-Lewis. I don't care who the fuck you are.

I would have loved to have seen that guy's face because no one can pretend that. Killed one guy and fucked up another one. I think one guy, I don't know if the guy tried to help his friend or what happened, but the second guy got killed, not the first guy. The guy attacked. And these were the guys throwing the pine cones at him? Damn. The thing jumped the fence. Apparently, they can jump 14 feet, but this fence was only 12 feet.

And there was a big lawsuit because, or threatened a big lawsuit. I don't know if it was settled. But because their fucking fence was too short, man. The tiger just had never jumped before. He'd never given a shot. For sure someone needs to map that out better. My bit was if you got a monster in a box in the middle of the city, put a top to the box. You went through all this trouble to build

all this shit this way and you're like is that high enough yeah let's get out of here like someone decided the 12 why don't put a fucking top on it you got fake rocks it's true you got a fucking pool in there for him how about a roof how about a roof fuckheads why make it so it could jump out that's so ridiculous that's the dumbest fucking thing ever zo Zoos are lame in general, though, man. When's the last time you went to a zoo? I went to a San Diego zoo. That line was pissing on everybody.

Pissing, man. Walking back and forth. That's as good a zoo as a zoo can get, but I don't like zoos. That was the most exciting part by far. Zoos suck, man. It's good for little kids. I take my kids. That makes sense.

They like to lick the animals, but it's depressing. If you go- Bums me out, man to look at the animals. But it's depressing. If you go. Bums me out, man. Especially the primates. It's very depressing. I was surprised at how poorly they actually eat, especially the primates. They're not fed the kind of food. It's very hard to feed them their natural diet, especially in certain ratios.

I don't think they feed the chimps. First of all, they give them mostly vegetables, right? They give them—a lot of them develop diabetes in captivity because there's no real set standard for how to feed a chimp as far as National Zoo. What do they eat in the wild? All zoos are different. I remember reading about—I was so shocked at how they fed these chimps. It was not good food. It was not.

You know what they really like to eat, man? They really love to eat monkeys. That's right. Other monkeys? Dude, it's hard to watch. You know, they didn't know it until the 1990s, I think. There was that guy David Attenborough. Is that who it was? Yep. Did a nature documentary in the Congo or some shit. Yeah. And they followed

these chimps and they had this hunting party. They took down this monkey and they're ripping the monkey apart and eating it alive. Little colbus monkey. They see the thing screaming. The look on its face. Well, it and eating it a lie will call this monkey to see the thing Screaming the look on its face. What's eating it like ass first? I see chewing on this thing pulling it apart like pulling it apart and the monkey screaming We can't believe it's getting even part is one of the most fucked up disturbing videos I've ever seen even like I can't hand you see them looking up in the trees

No, the main one looking up in the trees and they're they're they're mapping where these monkeys are going, and they cut off as a group. They cut them off. Like a gang. Yes. They funnel them. They beat the trees, and they get them to go in a certain direction, and then they box them in. Like West Side Story.

And then they just tear them apart. They also found that young male chimps will band together and go kill other chimps from other groups. I didn't know this. They'll even occasionally cannibalize. They'll cannibalize chimps from other tribes. Yeah, our ancestors were assholes. And so were people a lot of times. They do a lot worse.

Well, of course. Or a bipolar ape. We're not killing and eating people, though, really. Well, we are, but it's so rare. But if you look at the numbers, see how many fucking chimps there are in the wild, and they're doing this fucked up shit to monkeys, and then look at how many people there are. If there was as many people, or chimps, as there were people, it would be chaos. You wouldn't be able to leave your house.

If there was as many chimps as there were people, you would never be able to get to your car. They would mug you every chance they got. They would rip your fucking feet off and fuck your ass. They would do whatever they wanted to. Rip your feet off. They would do whatever they wanted to. I think that would be the one animal, actually, you definitely don't want to have an encounter.

Gorillas and chimps, dude. You may as well choose a croc because they'll kill you right away. A chimp will just take your face off and your genitals off. Yeah, don't rip your genitals off. Gorillas are less likely to attack you. Yeah, they are. Gorillas will fake you. They'll fake charge you, and you have to stay on the ground.

Just to scare you, right? It's a mock charge. They want you to get the fuck out of here. Just get the fuck out of here. You're staring at me, you crazy asshole. And the chimp's going to rip your dick and face off. Well, we're so soft, we think it's okay to look at a wild animal in its eyes. That's how stupid we are.

Shit, not me. Hi. It's a challenge. Hey, we're cool. We're cool, man. We're from National Geographic Society. We just come to make sure your baby's okay. Fucking crazy 800-pound silverback

bursting through the trees. Gets right in your face. He's got fangs, and he only eats vegetables. And the fangs are only designed to fuck you up. And you can't even imagine what an 800-pound gorilla's strength is like, because you would think of it as like an 800-pound man, but it would really be more like a 3,000-pound man.

It would twist your head off like this, man, like rip you to pieces. Probably more than 3,000. Probably like a 5,000-pound man. For sure. Some ridiculous number. Look at the muscles on a 200-pound chimp, man, when they lose their hair. Oh, they're disgusting. Oh, troll-looking fucking horrible-looking beasts.

I've stared at those muscles forever. If we had as many chimps as there were people, everybody's always down for chimps. And look, I'm not saying we should exterminate the chimps. Don't get me wrong. But let's just be realistic. If chimps were everywhere and they had full freedom the way people do, we would have a fucking serious problem. Yes. Yeah.

Well, the first problem was someone said that was okay for those chimps to fucking hang out with us, man. And if you don't think chimps will steal babies and eat them, you haven't been paying attention

to the literature. That's right, sir. I haven't been paying attention because I'm terrified. They will steal babies. Baboons will steal babies for fun.

Baboons I knew. Baboons are wild as fuck. Fucking cunts. Evil, evil cunts. When you carry a baby on your back, it's not a good idea.

Baboons are creepy dog fucking monkey things. Nobody's got a pet baboon in New York City. Some people do. Do they? Yes, they do. I don't know about New York City. Well, they do in Africa, I know. There's like baboons with fucking masks on.

I feel like every time I'm in here, I'm terrified, man. I know. Every time. Last time I left, it was volcanoes. It's like, you're going to die any minute, bro. Listen, this is what you do. Keep away from volcanoes. Don't run for office in Russia.

Make sure. Don't get a baboon because it will challenge you eventually. We keep the chimp population to a minimum. Everybody who's down for chimps. If chimps were like squirrels, you'd be fucked. Yeah, you'd be fucked. You would be fucked if chimps were running through the fucking park. Look at the muscles.

Oh, good googly moogly. Look at that thing. Look at the muscles. Oh, good googly moogly. Look at that thing. Look at the muscles. Oh, my God. They're so strong. Go to a, where there's a male. Look at that. And what's really, that's the same chimp, I think.

Look at the one swatting right there. Yeah. But what's really fucked is. He's got a pair of balls on him. He's got some balls in his dick. That's what they all look like. We just usually see them covered in hair and we don't realize it. That's right.

He's got some thick wrists on that guy. And those hands built for brutality. Look at his nuts. Built to pull your eyes out of your head. With no dick. No wonder he's ferocious. He has a dick. He's probably playing with it, man.

He's probably holding it up with his extra long fingers. You're not putting him in a rear naked choke. You're not doing anything to him. No. Oh, my God. He would laugh at you. Bro, look at that gorilla down there. That gorilla's a different thing.

Yeah. What? Oh, my God. gorilla down there. That gorilla's a different thing. Yeah. What? Oh my god. Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck? He's so big. Oh my god, that thing's so big. Six foot, 600 pounds.

Again, not messing with a very big piece, though. Oh no, they have tiny dicks, as a matter of fact. There's a difference. And notice how he has tiny balls, too. Here's what's interesting. Give you a little science. There's the, and with primates, there's a direct relationship with the size of the testicles and the promiscuousness of the surrounding women.

So the more the women are just fucking everything, buck wild up in here, the more the dudes' balls get big. And that exists in cultures as well. For sure, I live in LA, my balls are huge. Humans have the largest dicks, though, of all the primates per capita, per size, per measurement. Wow, I didn't know that. Yeah, if you measure this pound for pound, our dicks are the biggest because we're the biggest hoes. Yep.

Not necessarily, like us and bonobos. Bonobos fuck a lot, huh? But our dicks are bigger. The thing about gorillas' dicks and balls is that gorillas are so fucking unchallengeable they could have little tiny puds and they still get all the pussy. Makes sense. There's no one coming along. There's no giant gorilla

just stroking it, sitting by the side of the fucking pond, eating bamboo shoots with a giant shillelagh. Just letting all the other gorillas know, like, listen baby. Shiva-like lingam. Get over. Fuck this one-inch killer you've been fucking with. Because gorillas have one-inch dicks.

That's so disappointing. But if you look at it in a gorilla's way, a big dick is a big target. You want to get your dick bit by a snake. Might be the difference between survival and death when you're out there living in the fucking jungle. Okay? You want a tiny dick with a pee hole so small that one of those little ball-eating fish can't swim up there and eat your ball sack out from the inside like they're known to do. I heard back in the day, like in the Roman times, a big dick you were made fun of is like licked down upon.

Is that true? No. It's the same today. It's like the Internet. The Roman days were like Twitter. If you have a big dick on Twitter, yeah, but you're fucking, the blood goes to it, you become a retard. It's been proven the body can't support

a dick that big. The Roman statues were sort of, the aesthetic was to keep the penis small because it took away from the body and how hard it was

to chisel like a realistic body and foot and all that out of the marble. So you kept that area. That's the story. I bet there's a bunch of dudes jacking off

on a statue of a giant cock. They probably took the cock and they were butt fuckingfucking the statue in the middle of the square, backing each other up on the statue of this giant cock. I just heard back in the day if you had a big old dick in the Roman times, they made fun of you. Like you're an outcast. No, that's hilarious. I don't think so.

Make fun, boys. Go ahead. Yeah, real funny, fellas. Real funny, man. Sorry about my heavy dick. Could you imagine if that is the one group of humans that will never get sympathy if you mock them? These dudes are big dicks. I know.

No matter what. No matter what. I mean, just different races, different nationalities, different genders. There's all sorts of categories where you're not allowed to mock people because it's rude. Even white people. These people get mad that you're mocking white people. Like, man, why don't you fucking leave us white people alone? You know, all the privilege that white people have, it's still not enough for you to be

able to mock them. Take your four pound dick and get out of here. But dudes with giant dicks, dudes with giant dicks, you got a green light. If you can find something about that guy that you can make fun of, if you can make fun of that dude, nobody's going to back him up. Nobody's going to come along and say, hey, dude with the big giant dick. You know, man, I feel your pain. It's bullshit They're mocking your giant super fucking alpha hog that giant dick all the women want that huge veiny Monster of destruction you're swinging your pants your giant your giant boo the one thing that a dude cannot own up to I mean

We just can't no no guy no matter what you do you make all the money in the world, that guy's going to get a giant dick. And if he bangs her, she's going to remember. We did that. She's going to remember that giant thing. And you can't pay for it either. How about Loveline? We did Loveline, and the open forum was, does size matter?

Literally every girl but one was like, absolutely. Dudes will tell you it doesn't matter. It's wishful thinking, bitches. Everything matters. Dr. Drew was like, no, it doesn't matter. Silly boy! We're like, well. Silly boy.

No, he said it does matter. Well, he's got a piece on him, apparently. Well, that's what they told us. But at the end of the day, it was funny. I need proof. I need a dick big, Dr. Drew. Yeah. What's a piece?

Yeah. And it's like, guys, I took karate in high school. Okay. Define peace. Well, I've been doing martial arts since I was a kid. What'd you do? You and your brother hit a brick with a fucking flashlight in your backyard? Every guy exaggerates how much they bench and how fast a runner they were.

I ran a 4-5-40. Well, the NFL is really fast. How about your friend goes, yeah, I ran a 4-6-40. I went, well, no, you didn't. He goes, oh, I benched 385, though, three times in high school. Oh, though? Why would he say that, though? I don't know.

He's admitting the first one was a lot. For sure. Listen, that was bullshit, but I'm an Eagle Scout. You're an Eagle Scout? I made that shit. I did make Eagle Scout. I got a badge. I saw a grown man who was an Eagle Scout at the airport, and he was pushing 45, and he

was an Eagle Scout. He was in the full getup? Sure was. Oh, he's molesting kids 100%. Well, he's a scout master. Is that what it is? Yeah. I mean, he might have earned the rank of Eagle Scout. He was in the full get-up? Sure was. Oh, he's molesting kids 100%. Well, he's a scout master. Is that what it is? Yeah, I mean, he might have earned the rank of Eagle Scout, but he's not in the Boy Scouts anymore.

He's like running these scout trips. He can make fire out of two sticks. That's some shady shit. Oh, dude, weird guys. Join the military, dude. I remember I was a kid. I was a kid and I was in the Boy Scouts. I was probably like between, I guess it was between,

so when I was living in Boston, so I think I was probably like 13. That was when I was in the Boy Scouts. I was probably like between, I guess it was between. So when I was living in Boston, so I think I was probably like 13. That was when I was in the Boy Scouts. I was only in it for like one year, whatever it was, 13 or 14. I was a weeb. I was living in Jamaica Plain. And my mom took me to the Boy Scout thing. And this fucking dude who was a scoutmaster was hitting on my mom like hard. And my mom was like blushing and she was trying to be polite about it.

But I remember like, this is creepy. This dude's hitting on my mom in front of me and she was trying to be polite about it but I remember like this is creepy this dude's hitting on my mom in front of me and I gotta go camping with this asshole and he was like hey what's up with your mom like she's married to my dad fuck off you're getting extra marshmallows and shit I didn't get any extra marshmallows

I went to camp with a bunch of fucking hoodlums it was a scary camp really I didn't do any of the shit we're supposed to do I hid during the day like we're supposed to do all these different activities took my fishing rod went down to the lake I hid during the day, like we're supposed to do all these different activities, took my fishing rod, went down to the lake. I checked out early. Joe, the individual.

I checked out right away. Doesn't play well with us. No, no, no. Dude, there was ricochets, okay? Dudes were, he gave kids 22s and they were shooting at rocks and we're hanging out there, but there was like an archery range. And while we're hanging out by the archery range, I hear, and I go, what the fuck is that? And someone goes, it's a ricochet. I go, what do you mean it's a ricochet? They're like, someone over by the rifle range probably hit a rock.

I go, it goes all the way the fuck over here? Like, what are you talking about, man? Yeah, just keep fishing, bro. This is the Boy Scouts in New Hampshire, okay? Listen, survival of the fittest. They would take kids, pull them out of their cots, like pick their cots up, and tie them up and leave them in the middle of the woods. And it was pitch dark. You couldn't see your hand.

I went to camp out there. I got molested. Did you? Yes. What happened? Oh, you talked about this. Didn't you tell a story on the podcast? I don't know.

It doesn't matter. It wasn't. I mean, it doesn't matter. What are you, a girl? You're going to tell us a story? Yeah, dude. Well, tell the story though. Didn't he, didn't like Officer Greg suck your dick?

Well, no. Greg suck your dick? Well, no. Someone sucked your dick? I woke up with Dan. His name was with a fistful of my dong. A fistful? I had a morning boy hard on, and I was like, what's going on? He was doing this. I was like, I do this usually.

Why is he doing this? I remember going, I do this. Why is he doing this? It didn't even occur to me. So I go to my buddy Donnie. How old were you at the time? Probably 11. And I go to my buddy Donnie I go probably 11 and I go I go to my buddy Donnie I go hey man this guy you know me I'm like this guy Dan

was playing with my dick and my buddy John goes he's playing with my dick too and Donnie goes he sucked mine and I go I'm telling my mom so I waited like a little tiger in the tall grass sucked mine yep Donnie got his dick sucked. Yeah. He was getting it done repeatedly. He wasn't like a violent. Real quick, Callan got molested as a kid. Sure did.

Wasn't a violent guy. He was probably a guy who, he had a beard, I remember, with a bald head, terribly, not athletic at all. I threw a ball at him and he clapped like he was clapping at a bug. And then he just loved boys. And I went and told my mom. What did you tell your mom? How did you tell your mom? AND HE WAS LIKE, I'M NOT GOING TO GO ON MORE TRIPS. I WAS LIKE, I'M NOT GOING TO GO ON MORE TRIPS. AND THEN HE JUST LOVED BOYS. AND I WENT AND TOLD MY MOM.

WHAT DID YOU TELL YOUR MOM? HOW DID YOU TELL YOUR MOM? WELL, MY MOM WASN'T THERE. SO SHE DIDN'T COME FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS. AND HE KEPT ASKING ME WHY I WASN'T GOING ON MORE TRIPS. BECAUSE I WAS JUST TAKEN.

I WAS LIKE NOT SIGNED UP FOR ANY MORE CANOE TRIPS. WAS IT JUST THAT ONE TIME? BECAUSE YOU WERE THERE FOR TWO WEEKS. IT WAS JUST. I WAS THERE FOR LONGER THAN THAT. I WAS IN CAMP FOR TWO MON? No, I was there for longer than that. I was in camp for two months, I believe. Did he suck your dick? No, he never sucked my dick. How close did he get to it?

He just had it. It was hard. We were all in the tent. It was probably me and a couple other guys. And he had his hand in my sleeping bag, playing with my little wiener. Give me a jiu-jitsu position. Does he have you in side control? Nope. I'm lying next to him.

Is he ski-polling? He's looking. He's ski-polling... Tents are small, bro. There's three kids. He's probably like this. Two fistfuls, sucking Donnie off. Well I know that I was looking... You were a threesome with Donnie.

I was looking. I had woken up like this. I wasn't a threesome probably. This explains so much. I know. I know. Why are you fucking rubbing your head? That's gotta be an internet meme. This explains so much. I know. Why are you fucking rubbing your head? That's got to be an internet meme.

This explains so much. This explains so much. Calvin was molested. I was molested. It's fucked up to laugh, man. Why are you laughing at that? That's so rude. There's a big difference between being molested and then being fucked.

For me, and I knew that. He was minorly molested. You're crazy if you don't think Donnie was fucking him, too. No, I think Donnie. We need to reach out to Donnie. Donnie didn't want me to tell anybody. And I was like, I'm telling my mom. I almost got molested by a guy.

Yeah. Came real close. Didn't realize that the guy was creeping on me until the very end. Neither did I. I thought he was nice. I thought he was nice, but he was getting weird. He was getting weird and he was showing up drunk. How did you know him?

I used to go fishing near this place called Jamaica Pond. And Jamaica Pond was this place in Jamaica Plain where I lived that had really good fishing. Like I could walk to it. Seems weird, but that's, you know, Boston, it rains a lot. You have like ponds and lakes and shit, like sometimes near cities. And this was a real legitimate trout pond. And we would go fishing there all the time. You catch bass there, trout, but they would stock it with rainbow trout.

And I loved fishing back then. I'd fish all the time. I'd fish bass there, trout. But they would stock it with rainbow trout. And I loved fishing back then. I'd fish all the time. I'd fish every day after school. So much fun. It was just peaceful. And it's fun catching fish. You know, it's like one of those things. Kids love it, you know.

When I caught my first trout, I was like, holy shit. Like, I brought it in and I picked it up and, you know, I took it home and I cooked it. I couldn't believe I caught a fucking trout. Right. And then it was very exciting to me. Anyway, this dude used to jog by and he used to talk to me and my friend Josh Brendan can't stop laughing We used to go we used to go fishing at this place all the time

Dude's probably dead now because I was it was before I moved to Newton. I moved to Newton when I was 14 So I was living in Jamaica playing I was probably 13 ishish, somewhere around then. And he's probably in his late 50s. So he comes around, and he'd ask us about fishing. Like, what do you catch? Like, sit down with us for a little bit and talk with us. Very friendly. And then he'd take off. And he kept doing it, like over and over again.

Come by, very friendly. Softening you up. Yep, softening us up. Feelers. He would offer us some food. He would give us some food, like a cake or something. He'd probably rub his balls all over his balls i have no idea right yeah probably give you like a cookie that just had deep in his ass no idea i ran it over my crack who knows what he did right but i

didn't know any better man i was 13 i just didn't know any better i had one experience when i was younger when i was like seven years old i I was at a library in San Francisco and I was looking at these books and I was looking at these monster books. This guy came up to me like, you like monster books? I go, yeah. And he goes, I got monster books out in my car. I go, oh, really? And I start going out to this guy's car and the lady who's the librarian screams out,

Joseph, you get away from that man. Damn, dude. That man just got out of jail. So I run away. I'm crying. Damn, dude. He's probably going to. Who knows? Who the fuck knows? Fuck me. Most likely molest me. Damn, dude. That man just got out of jail, so I run away. I'm crying. Damn, dude, he's probably gonna... Who knows? Who the fuck knows? Fuck, man. Most likely molest me. I dodged.

If it's a good... Or kill you. Could be killed me. Dang, man. I'm like seven. At the most, I'm eight. I'm not laughing anymore. Scary shit. So I had that in my past. I remembered that, that I dodged that bullet. So this dude, man, so stupid, man. I had lunch over over this guy's house before just me and him

I This is where it started getting weird I peed in his bathroom and one of the things he said to me he goes hey goes You're very developed and I said what and he goes your penis your penis is very developed for a boy your age That's a that's a very good thing. I was like, oh, okay. But he didn't get creepy with me. I mean, I was over the dude's house. It was creepy, but you know what I'm saying?

That's creepy as fuck. He didn't try to fuck me. He probably loved you. He just said that. Dude, whatever it was. It got real weird after that. So that was probably the beginning of the weirdness. Hell yeah.

So I definitely told Josh. I was like, dude. He said that my dick was developed. He's looking at my dick. And Josh was like, whoa. And Josh was an interesting character, too. That kid knew a lot of shit. He knew about weird sexual shit way early because his mom was a lesbian. There's always one of those guys.

His mom lived with this woman who looked like a truck driver. It was hilarious. He knew some shit. He knew stuff, yeah. He was a lesbian. There's always one of those guys. His mom lived with this woman who looked like a truck driver. It was hilarious. He knew some shit. He was a sharp kid. He's like, dude, he's trying to fuck you. This is going to get ugly. Yep. And we were talking about it.

Like, do you think he's a pedophile? Like, it was like some weird shit. So anyway, I started avoiding the dude. And then one time I'm fishing, and there was two areas. There was one area where Jamaica Pond was, was the big area. And then there was this other smaller pond that was off like, you know, like a few blocks to the left.

Sometimes we would go to that pond because no one ever went there and it did have some good fish in there. And every now and then, like it had different kinds of fish. It had like pickerel and all these different kinds of fish. So he shows up, it's just me and him. And this is a kind of an isolated area.

There's a lot of trees and shit. It's not like Jamaica Pond, which has this big running track. Is he in sweats? This was sketch. This was sketch. Yeah. And he tells me that he loves me.

What? Yeah, yeah. And I don't know what to do. Like, I'm sitting there fishing. And I'm like, okay, well, yeah, I like you too, man. And he goes, no, no, I love you. And there cannot be no true love. There can be no true love without sex.

Holy shnikes. And I remember him saying that. And I remember going, what? And be no true love. There can be no true love without sex. Holy shnikes. I remember him saying that. I remember going, what? I remember I had a knife. I had a Swiss Army knife, one of those little red plastic handles, Swiss Army knives. I had it in my pocket, and I put my hand on the knife. I didn't want to pull it out, but I wanted to have it on me. I remember thinking, I might have to fucking stab this guy.

Chop that dick off. I don't know. First of all, I'm probably going to get killed. chop that dick off I don't know I mean first of all I'm probably gonna get killed I'm 13 I didn't know how to fight back then I wasn't big he was bigger than me

he was an old guy yeah a grown ass man he's a grown ass man and if he knew how to fight at all I was fucked I didn't have any martial arts experience back then it's one of the reasons

why I started getting into martial arts is after this I just I figured I have to know something like this guy if this guy beats me up and fucking kills me and stabs me like No one's gonna hear me. I'm out. I'm in this like really kind of wooded area and so I

Told him you better fucking leave me alone or something like that You know whatever words I was able to muster being scared out of my mind at 13 and then Years later after I had moved this where it got really creepy He sent a letter to my house and I was like 16 or 17 or something like that. Yeah, he sent a letter to my house many, many years later. He found out where I moved to,

found out where my house was. I had never told him my house in the first place. And this guy sent me a letter. It was really creepy, man. I read this long, it was almost like a love letter to me. It was really creepy.

And I'm just thinking, if I see this guy, Jesus Christ. He was truly on red alert i might meet my buddy michael in saudi you fell in love with that dick he saw my juicy dick that's what it was that's the turning point that's an insane story though one of the most traumatic experience for me i was in saudi arabia my buddy michael and it started there was nowhere to play so you would just go play in these like abandoned lots and you know whatever we'd find AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING?

AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND HE WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND HE WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND HE WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND HE WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING?

AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? AND HE WAS LIKE, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? And I realized I got closer. It was the most bizarre thing. There was a guy in the trunk of the car with his ass out of the car. So he had his ass sticking out of the trunk of the car, this giant hairy ass. And another guy had his robe lifted up, and he was standing there. In Saudi Arabia? Yeah, fucking the guy in his ass. How old were you at the time? So I could just see an ass sticking out of a trunk. I wasAST. I WAS LIKE, I'M GOING TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE FAST. I WAS LIKE, I'M GOING TO BE A

LITTLE BIT MORE FAST. I WAS LIKE, I'M GOING TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE FAST. I COULD JUST SEE AN ASS STICKING OUT OF A TRUNK. I WAS 13. ME AND MY FRIEND MICHAEL. HE WAS JAMMING.

HE WAS FLYING AND STANDING UP. I WAS LIKE, I REMEMBER I GO, I WAS KIND OF THE LEADER OF US TOO. I GO, I SEE IT. HE LOOKS AT ME. HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. HE LOOKS AT ME WITH A BLANK EXPRESSION AS HE'S DRILLING SOME just drilling some poor gimp in some Cadillac. And I go, Michael, let's run away. I've never run faster. You know when you can't feel your legs?

I was just like, ooh. Scared, man. Yeah. Dude, I don't have any molest stories. I do. I have another one. That was a crazy one, though. So that guy, what did he do when he saw you running away from him?

Did he try to finish real fast? Did he continue? Just looked at me with heavy eyes. And kept banging the dude? Uh-huh. Kept thrusting. What do you think would have happened if he just stood there unimpressed? That's what he should have done.

Rap style. Stood him down. Let me know when you're done. I'll show you how it's done. Let me know when you're finished. The worst audience member ever at a comedy club. You know these guys? That's the last thing you'd ever want to see.

Imagine that. Are you doing that to him while he's fucking a guy in the ass in a trunk? Seem better. Poor technique. You got molested again though, Callum? Weak strokes. Well, no. I remember I met an older dude and he was a cool guy.

We hung out. That's how it starts. It always starts with an older dude. We were in Wisconsin. In a sweatsuit. We're in Wisconsin. The Northwoods of Wisconsin. The a sweatsuit. We're in Wisconsin, the north woods of Wisconsin. The north woods.

Summertime. And I remember I meet this guy, and there was this girl there. Oh, two girls, older. And we were like, oh. How old were they? I don't know. Who cares? Let's say.

40s? 13 or something like that. Oh, Jesus. 14. It was so hot. And I was 11. How old were you? 11, 10, something young.

Oh, they're not that old. Even younger. Younger. Because I'll tell you why I know I was younger. So I'm hanging out with this guy. And we keep, and I was such a little pervert. How old is he? Well, I don't know, but I'm going to tell you how I know he was a lot older.

Ready? This is how you, this is why I'm going to, this is the point. So we start, I actually say we should try to have sex with those girls. I'm trying to conspire. I don't know how old I was. Or at least I was like, we should try to have sex with those girls. I'm trying to conspire. I don't know how old I was. Or at least I was like, we should try to see their boobs. I don't know what I was saying to him. He goes, yes, that's a great plan.

So we're talking. He goes, come, we have to go to the woods and come up with a plan. Oh, no. Yeah, so I'm like, all right. So we go to the woods. God damn it. No wonder you've been molested several times. The next thing I know, this is coming to me now.

The next thing I know, he pulls his pants down, and I notice how hairy his ass is. So I go, that's weird. There's this dick in his ass. And he lies down, and he goes, do you want to rub on top of me or no? And I go, I don't think so. I was like. Do you want to rub on top of me or no? And I was young enough to have to think about it.

Imagine if that's his fucking go-to line. I swear to God. It's like, how do you get these kids to fuck you? Dude, this is all you have to do. You lie down and you go, do you want to rub on top of me or no? And they always just start fucking you. And then a couple kids go, yeah, sure. Spit on your asshole and start piling it away.

They all do it. It's like hypnosis. But he laid down with his legs straight. It wasn't like he was bent, legs straight. He laid down. You want to rub up the top of me or no? And I go, I don't think. I looked at his hairy ass.

Yeah. I saw the crack and I was like, do I say yes? I was like, this is vaguely sexual. And I go, no, I don't think so. So then he gets up and he goes, all right, well, just hold on for a second. And he starts, I'm going to show you something. And I go, all right. And he starts jerking off.

Oh, jeez. And I go, I tickle my tutu, too. I used to rub it on the bed. Tickle my tutu? Yeah, that's what my mother called it. So I go, so he's wanking off. And that was the first time he goes, hold on, ready, ready? And I go, yeah.

And he comes. On you? He busted in your face? No, not on my face. He just shoots. and I go yeah, and he comes on you. He busted in your face Not my face. He just shoots, and I go what the fuck I go. What's that white? I couldn't believe it's seeing white stuff is the first time I saw somebody ejaculate hold on You were watching this dude jack off in the woods for a solid four minutes. Hey man What were you saying to him? I I don't remember it was so long ago Hold on what do you call this mister? Yeah hold on he. It was so long ago. Yeah, Jim. Yeah, get it, Jim.

Hold on, hold on. What do you call this, mister? Yeah, hold on. He was like, watch this. Wait for it. Wait a minute. Hold on. Wait for it.

Yeah. What's going to happen? And then we went. Then we left, and we went and spied on those girls. You hung out with them after that? I did. I sure did. You watched a grown man jack off, bust near you, not on your face. Yeah.

Then you went to go find chicks with him. That's right. See, you know what, man? When you're 11 years old, weird shit can happen to to this 11 years old you got lucky hell no you got lucky but i'm not saying that would have happened you would have stood around while the guy jerked off but i am saying it's possible that a guy when you were 11 could have lied down and say hey you want to rub on top of me or no and you would have been like what the you would have said no 100 no i didn't say i didn't say 100% no.

I thought about it because I thought that looks like pure pressure. The guy would be down there. You might be surprised. Right. 100% you would not be surprised. I just thought I could pretend that's a girl. I could rub against that and pretend it's a girl. You could pretend it's a girl.

What? Wait, hold on. It was a crack. Where the fuck? Are you revealing? Is this like infestation? Guys. Guys.

Is there a charismatic? You wanted to let a little bit of it out, and we were talking about funny shit. You're like, no, no, no. I still have to add some stuff that I did that was kind of. I was thinking about him being a girl. There's just a couple million people listening. Biggest podcast ever. This was last week, guys.

What? The guy looked like the Iron Sheik in his prime. Thick as fuck. Jacked off a gallon's face. Mustache. Thick as fuck. Jack's thick mustache. Monster, hairy asshole. Smells like wood and leather. I'll tell you what bothers me about the story, is you watched him for several minutes jack off and ejaculate.

Sure did. I didn't know. I just didn't know what was going to happen. We found a video of the guy. We have the guy. Pull up that video on my Twitter feed of the Russian dude doing kettlebells in the snow with no shirt on this is why you shouldn't fuck with Russians there is a different kind of human and everybody's freaking out about this Putin stuff like

Putin assassinate or allegedly Putin's actually investigating it and he's quite upset he's very upset he wrote a letter to the guy's mother so anyway bottom line is Russia is a different fucking it's a different beast he's still stuck on the jacking off. Look at this video of this dude. He's in the fucking snow in Russia. And he's doing the Man Maker. It's on the Keith Webber Kettlebell Cardio Workout Series.

He does the entire Man Maker. No fucking shirt on. In the winter. It's hard to tell how much that kettlebell weighs. It depends on the construction of it. It's either 35 pounds or 50 pounds. Is that an honor bill? HE'S A ROUGH GUY. HE'S A ROUGH GUY. HE'S A ROUGH GUY. HE'S A ROUGH GUY. HE HAS A SHIRT ON IN THE WINTER. IT'S HARD TO TELL HOW MUCH THAT KETTLEBELL WEIGHS. IT DEPENDS ON THE CONSTRUCTION OF IT. IT'S EITHER 35 POUNDS OR 50 POUNDS.

IS THAT AN ON IT BILL? NO. NO. THIS IS THE MOTHERLAND. THEY DON'T WANT ON IT UP THERE. IT PROBABLY LOOKS ABOUT 50 POUNDS, RIGHT? THAT DUDE'S IN SHAPE, TOO. YEAH.

OH, FUCK YEAH, HE IS. WATCH HIM DO THIS SHIT, MAN. THE DUDE'S STACKED. HE DOES THIS WITH NO SHIRT ON IN FUCKING RUSSIA IN THE WINTER. AND HE TALKS RUSSIAN TO HIS DOG WHO WAITS FOR HIM. YOU KNOW WHY? YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S JUST A DIFFERENT BREED, MAN.

BECAUSE THIS GUY IS THROWING THIS FUCKING 50-POUND KETTLEBELL AROUND LIKE IT AIN'T SHIT. AND HE'S DOING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SWITCH HANDS, NEXT SIZE. IF HE SURVIVED RUSSIAN HISTORY, THAT WAS A DISTILLATION PROCESS. THIS IS SOME WARRIOR GENETICS YOU'RE LOOKING AT HERE. THIS GUY'S ALL FUCKING STUDIED. OH, BY THE WAY, HE MIGHT BE 70. It was a distillation process. This is some warrior genetics you're looking at here. This guy's all fucking stud. Oh, by the way, he might be 70. Oh, and both of you are lucky.

This isn't the guy who's trying to fuck both of you as kids. You're damn right about that. Well, he looks like a tall fella. He's not a very big fella. No, he's short for sure. But this guy's a tank. Yeah. Because he's rattling these fucking, I mean, I don't know how much that weighs.

It might only be 35 pounds. Dude, that looks pretty. That looks heavier than 35. I think that's heavier, Joe. It looks like a 50 to me. It depends on how big. No, it would be 72, I think. 70 or 72.

That looks heavy, Joe. I don't know. It might be. It's the size of his head. Yeah, but there's some ones that they make that are really light. They look like that, but they're really light. I'm going to say that's heavy. If you see those colored ones, you ever see the ones that are colored?

Yeah. Those are light as fuck. And they're big. They look like you're using superhuman strength, and it's like 30 pounds. But that thing is as big as his Russian head. He's got a big Russian head. That looks like a real, like, Dragon Door style

or one of the Onnit ones. It's all cast iron. If that's the case, that's probably 50 pounds. That dude's just way tougher than me. Yeah, look at this motherfucker. He's just switching hands. Clean press. The entire time we've been than me. Yeah, look at this motherfucker. He's just switching hands. Clean, pressed. The entire time we've been talking, this guy has never taken a break.

He's just throwing around this 50-pound kettlebell. Kind of awesome. He's just savage. I got to take my kettlebell workouts way more seriously. Are those ankle weights he's wearing, though? That's the only thing I question. No, those are fucking, let's get physical socks. Look at the people behind him, freezing, covered up like they're Bedouins.

That's a good time to live there, huh? This guy's an animal. This is the best way to stay warm in the winter. Just keep doing this. Maybe this is a strategy. You know how you go to those cryotherapy places and they keep the inflammation down? Maybe if you do fucking heavy workouts like this while you're in the middle of a snowstorm, it might actually aid your performance.

Bad idea. You know what I'm saying? Because like you think about what this guy's doing. This is all about the burnout. These are all like high rep exercises he's doing. The blood's flowing. Yeah, blood's flowing. It's cold.

Pushing the inflammation out. He's doing one arm presses and then full deep squats. So this guy, in the course of us watching him, we're assuming that's about 50 pounds, has probably done like what 30 or 40 deep Squats yeah with that 50 pound kettlebell over his head, and he continues to do it. He's an animal Look at him, but doing it like this while it's freezing out with no shirt on it Also, it makes you keep the pace up. You don't want to get cold those socks a chow That's a chow the dog is a chow ladies and gentlemen socks are perfect

He's got Olivia Newton John blaring in his Russian-built car. I think their ankles, their ankles are weights. Windmills, son. Windmills after all this with that 50 pounds. That shit is not easy. I guess that's a chow. That's one of those Russian dogs. No, that's a chow.

Nah. It's 100% chow. 100% chow, by the way. Are they Russian descent? No, they are Chinese. Yeah. Which is right next to Russia. That's a good point. Well% chow, by the way. Are they Russian descent? No, they are Chinese. Which is right next to Russia. That's a good point. Well, all right.

Motherfucker. That thing wandered into his yard one day. Come with me, your friend, comrade. Comrade. You live with me. I give you scraps. Skittle bills. You bark when people come to me and I kill.

I kill and I feed you people. He's struggling a little bit on this side. Of course he is. This motherfucker's working hard. That's 100 reps deep, though. Yeah, he's working hard, man. Yeah, he's a stout little man. This is a savage fucking workout for a no-shirted man in the middle of snow.

That dude wants to rape kids. We're all fucked. That dog doesn't give a fuck about the cold, by the way. Look at him. That dog might as well be in D.E.D. Look how much hair he has on, man. Yeah. It's pretty dope to be a dog like that and live in a place like that.

Yeah. Everybody else is suffering. Oh, this is what I was thinking. Do you think homeless dogs have the best, just the best lives of any dog? Because they're outside all the time, and so they do feed them, but they're outside. You know what I'm saying?

As long as they're, dogs are pack animals, so as long as they have a pack to be with, yes. They're alone, no. No, no, no, I'm saying they have an owner, but he's homeless. This Russian motherfucker has not stopped. That's crazy. Somebody needs to dub us talking about this guy

over his video and send it to him. Respect, comrade. Respect, we give to you respect. It's true. He's a badass. Fucking savage. Look at him. He's still going.

God. He's still going. That guy, that's a lot of goddamn reps this guy's done in five minutes. He's a crossfitter. Please. Don't insult. Please. From motherland.

From motherland. These are kettlebells. Then I this is Russia drink vodka old and old night Have you ever seen that picture of young fade or in front of kettlebells? No Maybe one of them the best pictures ever of a fucking post training session. I really see that yeah Post training session great super athlete because the kettlebells being a Russian invention You know like you see fade or with all his kettlebells around him, it sort of signifies, like, this was a different motherfucker. A man made from iron.

Russian Sambo champion. Look at that fucking photo. God damn, son. And he was thin. Well, he had very little body fat, but he was very thick, muscled back then. Look at the back on that. He had less body fat back then, but more muscle. He was a big fucker.

But that's also, he's pumped. Like, he's probably just worked out in which you get real thick. True. Because you're all pumped up. You don't get more masculine. Than that dude? No. How about the fact that he never gave a fuck about his gut?

He's just a sad dude. He's rushing. He didn't give a fuck. Just went in there dropping bombs on people. Is he married? Yeah. He's been married and divorced a couple times. He does paintings and shit, too. He does? He does art. Yeah, he does drawings and shit. Is he good? Yeah, he's been married and divorced a couple times. He does paintings and shit, too.

He does? He does art. Yeah, he does drawings and shit. Is he good? It's not the best shit you've ever seen. Well, it's not bad. It does cartoons. It's weird.

It's weird. It's like the shit a real serial killer thinks of. For sure. When they're not there smashing people's heads. Well, his brother's a fighter and spent a lot of time in jail, I think, right? His brother's a maniac. Yeah?

His brother's a different level. He's covered with prison tattoos. On his back, there's a picture of the angel of death holding a baby. Well, that's not gangster shit. Yeah, it's all prison tattoo shit. You never seen it? Pull that up. Alexander Emelianenko's tattoos.

He's in jail right now for rape. Oh, no. Yeah. I don't know whether or not he did it, but he's definitely an alcoholic. He definitely gets drunk, and he's very different than Fedor. Whereas Fedor is completely composed like very disciplined alexander also had some like some significant losses like he lost in pride to merco merco head kicked him yeah but this is like look at his back it's like the angel of death holding a baby oh it's weird yeah he's got weird like he had these

ones on his um on his shoulders but he had them taken off it was like they had these ones on his shoulders, but he had them taken off. It was like they had these gang tattoos on his shoulders, but he had them removed and changed to some sort of pattern. He's a real stud. You think anyone's fucking with that guy in prison? Jesus Christ. Not a good idea. That guy knocked James Thompson out in about 15 seconds.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, he's a beast, dude. Alexander Milianenko is a beast. You know, I mean, he got knocked out by Krokop, but he fought Krokop when Krokop was just on fire. Do you think that there's dudes that just, like, they hit this, like, BJ Penn level, like BJ Penn when he beat Sanchez,

BJ Penn when, you know, he was, like, at his very best. Like, this is only, like, a couple of years you can keep that intensity up. I think it's only a couple of fights. I don't think it's years. Really? Yeah. Do you think that maybe that's where Kane is right now?

That's why he's getting all these injuries? Yeah. That these fucking Junior Dos Santos wars were just so insanely taxing? On both of them. I think Junior's not the same after those wars either. No, I don't think so either. But you've got to remember, too, back in those Pride days, those guys were fighting a lot more frequent. So we got to see the very best when they were,

you know, at their prime. And now in the UFC, you know, you fight, if you're a star two times a year, maybe three. Grant did people and say, oh, cowboy, I'm talking about, you know, when a guy, a superstar, he's fighting maybe twice a year. Now think of us back in the day, we'd see him three, four times. And you remember when they used to make these fights, they put the fight together within like three or four weeks of the fight? Yeah. Like, what happens in the UFC when there's a fallout would happen in Pride all the time. All the time.

Instead of like you having like eight weeks to prepare, like they would tell you like a couple weeks out. Like occasionally there would be like a long wait, you knew. Like when the Openweight Grand Prix tournament pretty much we knew who was but then last minute like guys were getting added Josh Barnett I think was one of the later editions I might be wrong about that

though but I mean you look at that lineup Barnett no Gara pro cop hunt Jesus fucks say right and those days toughest motherfuckers on the planet yeah it's it's it's interesting when you you think about that time the Wild West days of pride no head stomps and soccer kicks on the ground when van der leye fought tomorrow he was holding off the rope and stomping on his face bro was croak up but Ron Ron Waterman and soccer kicked him in the face yeah yeah and Ron waterman ate it too he ate a couple of them waterman was one of my first training partners he tapped me out with his titties got in my guard and just smothered me with his titties that that strong man almost broke my nose jesus i

knew nothing at the time my training partner was ron waterman and shane carlin my first two train partners they're just rotating on me and just dismantling me. That's a terrible idea. I wish I was your friend back then. That'd be nice. Did you have to? That'd be nice. I would have said this.

No one said shit. That's not the way to do this. Shane was like, no, this is making you tough, man. I'm like, I know, man, but he tapped me out with his titties and it's super embarrassing. Okay, the tapping you out with the titties is the least of your concerns. That is the least of your concerns. That is the least of your concerns. We didn't spar. Oh, thank God.

But you know what? Ron used to whoop my ass. And then four years down the road, B-Shop was working on a stand-up and he comes in to spar. I'm like, yes. Oh, me and Shane put it on him. Well, he was a big guy, but he didn't move that good. No, he's real stiff, but so strong. Oh, yeah.

Crazy strong. Do you remember Dan Bobish? No. God damn. Dan Bobish was a dude who was in the—he lost to Mark Kerr in the UFC where Kerr got on top of him and stuck his chin in his eye socket. He used to be allowed to stick your chin in someone's eye socket. So dudes would get a hold of your head. They would shove their chin,

like they'd get the mount or something like that, any position where they get on top of you and they can balance out, and they would get their hand behind your head and then get your fucking chin right in your eyeball and just squeeze, and your eye's on fire. You get blowout fractures in your eyes, guys are seeing sparks and shit.

Meathead shit. You got a giant man like Mark Kerr. I never even thought of that. That's so vicious. See if you can find that. You're seeing sparks and some meathead shit. You got a giant man like my never thought If you could find that this mark her taps Dan bobish with his chin. Yeah, I was there dude I interviewed him afterwards. There was the the glory days when I jacked up. Oh, yeah He had a top man still may have a Somebody have the best body in those American flag shorts of any nice Super nice guy, too. Yeah, great guy. Steve Kerr? The nicest guy. Yeah, Mark Kerr. Super, super nice guy.

260, about 260. Always a very, very cool dude. Regardless of what was going on in his life, if you saw Mark Kerr, he was always super fun. Your boy, Ken Shamrock's fighting again. Yeah, he's fighting Kimbo. Crazy. He's fighting your boy, Kimbo.

Yeah, and you know what I liked about what he said? He goes, I've earned the right to fight for fun. He goes, yeah, I'm doing it for money. You know, I'm a professional, but I've earned the right to fight for fun. He goes, yeah, I'm doing it for money. I'm a professional, but I've earned the right to fight for fun. He goes, I don't want to go play golf. He goes, I don't want to go hiking. I don't want to go hunting. I don't want to go fishing.

He goes, I like fighting. He goes, I like the camaraderie that comes. I'm preparing for a big fight. I enjoy it. But I love the way he said it. It's very honest and refreshing. I agree. And it's true.

He has earned it. Ken Shamrock's goddamn all-time great. He's a legend. He's a legend. Hall of Famer. And he had some fucking great technique back in the day, man. Ken Shamrock, man. Go to the early UFC when he tapped Pat Smith and fucked his leg up with that heel hook.

Dropped down for that heel hook. Pat Smith had no idea what the fuck was going on. He was fighting in Japan, right? Way before. Fought in Pancrase. Yeah, he fought in Pride for a while. He had some good fights in Pride, man? Way before. Fought in Pancrase. Yeah, he fought a bunch of... He fought in Pride for a while. He had some good fights in Pride, man. Ken Shamrock had some...

He was developing some pretty decent stand-up. Like, remember that fight where, you know, like, the PD, my heart, like, he had something going on with his heart. Like, his heart was beating too fast in one of his fights. Remember that? Like, he stopped the fight. I think it was Fujita.

But he was putting it on him before that. Like, I was really impressed with his striking Like Ken Shamrock doesn't get enough credit because he fought Tito Ortiz when he was already You know past his prime and his knee was fucked up when he fought Tito the first time he fought Tito He basically didn't have an ACL like he was fucked up I was at that fight with you and he after the fight It was crazy like you know Tito still mad at him and Ken said to him, he was just really honest about it. He goes, hey, man, we made some money.

You know, we made some money. Let's let it go. You won. Congratulations. And he gave him a hug. And, like, you could see Tito, like, noticeably calm down. You know, Tito was still mad even after he kicked his ass because of all the trash talking.

Ken's like, but look. Look what happened. It's like all this trash talk. We both made a lot of money. It's over. You won. You know, like, Ken was like. Yeah, but then it rekindled.

That's what I'm very mellow about. Then it rekindled, though. Then the second time. Here's more money. More money. Get some of money. It's over. You won. Yeah, but then it rekindled. That's very mellow about it. Then it rekindled, though. Then the second time. Here's more money. More money. Get some more money. Come on. Yeah, you're right.

Get this money, son. I remember you and I, we talked to Tito after that fight. Remember that? A long time ago, we went there. Well, I ran into Ken at a diner at like 1 o'clock in the morning the night of the fight. He was eating. Night of the fight after. I'm like, how did he do it? Before it, you know, it was into the morning. It was 1 o'clock in the morning the night of the fight he was eating and uh i'm like how do you

before it that you know the like you know it's into the morning it's one o'clock in the morning the day of the he's gonna fight the next day and he's out at a diner and uh he was real he'd been through so much he'd fought so many times 20 days he goes hey man he goes it only hurts after it's over yeah that's great he's like laughing about it he's like so i'm gonna go fight tomorrow like that was his attitude about it. This is Mark Kerr and Dan Bobish. Let's see if we can see the video of him putting his fucking cheek in his eye. See he got him in side control.

Beautiful back. Look at the size of this guy. He certainly did. And Dan Bobish is goddamn enormous. Look at Bobish's legs. So see the way he's grabbing his head with his arm? So he gets on side control and he gets on top of him. Can you see it?

Do they have a good angle? Poor production team back then. Full mount, chin in the eyeball. You can't see it in that angle, man. Oh, maybe. Can't see it, I don't think. I don't think they have a. Well, if he goes to mount here, we'll be able to see it.

Well, that was it. I mean, that was the tap. It's over. But this is the full sequence. Let's see it. Look how strong he is. He's like, bitch, you ain't going nowhere. Mark Kerr back in the day.

He wrestled at 188 in college, too, by the way. Well, you know what, man? He had a lot of creatine in his diet. He certainly did. And he fought in pride. And he definitely didn't take steroids then, right? No. Is that true?

It would be crazy to assume that. you know what man that documentary was super brave smashing machine super brave of him I mean he basically let them document his ascension into drug addiction and a lot of that came from fighting like painkillers and shit he got addicted to and it was everything steroids painkillers like he's a great guy. I haven't seen that documentary. It's good. Yeah, it's pretty good This is actually pretty fucking good technique here for the day for passing. Yeah Curve is a hell of a big collegiate wrestler We saw like both see you can't really see it here, but he's got his chin in his fucking eyeball

Look at him grab his eye. Look at him grab his eye. Yeah, look at him say Yeah, I remember that man man. That was back in... Look at the size of that motherfucker, Jesus Christ! Oh, my Lord. Jesus Christ! God damn, that's a big man. Yeah, because I said, you wrestled at 188. He goes, yeah, I put a little Miracle Grow on my cereal.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, it was a different animal. How's he doing now? Not so good. No? He was selling cars for a while. Lost a shit ton of weight.

He fought a few times since he got knocked out by King Mo and he looked like really out of shape King Mo smashed him in the first round it was really not fun to watch he looked bad, he went to sleep and you could tell he was in a bad spot and he wound up retiring from MMA

sold some cars I don't know what he's doing now I hope he's doing well he was a good dude. He's always a good dude, but he definitely had his demons, man. Like a lot of those dudes. I mean, you were talking about it. It hit you for a few months. Those goddamn pain pills,

man. Those demons can fucking haunt you. You can get sucked in. Dude, pain pills are the most dangerous drug in the world, hands down. There's nothing more dangerous than prescription pills. They're trying to slow that down down they're trying to cut back in America I mean there's there's there's started pass too much money to be made well when you talk about oxytocin what all the cotton oxycontin oxytocin but the um the

thing being there's still so much profit even if they cut back yeah there's still over too much running there's just too many. I mean, I get the idea. Like, what would you rather do if you had, like, severe pain all the time? Would you rather be addicted to opiates and just deal with that pain and be fine? Or would you rather be absolutely miserable and sober all day long? And I think you have the right as an adult to choose to be fucked up on opiates. Yeah, but they're addicting. Like, you have to depend on them.

And then you also got to realize when you take painkillers, it sends a message to your body that says, oh, we're doing fine. It's healed. We don't need to send those receptors to heal the muscle or bone, whatever it is. So you're fucked, man. Or you could smoke marijuana. God damn, dude. Damn. Or you can eat marijuana.

You don't even have to smoke it. You can get that CBD oil that people are using to help tumors. But it's crazy addictive, man. Help inflammation. Painkillers, you get stuck on them, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. Yeah. They're going to come up with a way to heal injuries that they don't have today.

And we're going to look back at these days like it was the dark ages. Like, you know how we look back at using leeches and shit? Yeah, yeah. You know, when they had to saw people's legs off and they broke. They didn't have to put rods inside your bone. Like Anderson Silva's leg, guess what, son? We're going to have to take that sucker off. We're going to have to take that sucker off.

They would do back then. It would fester and rot. They wouldn't know what to do with it. You'd die most of the time for antibiotics. They probably braced it, and some people survived. What are the odds of you getting both legs connected perfectly? I mean, his leg, both bones, rather. His leg snapped in half.

I had an orthopedic surgeon tell me that if you're in the wilderness, somebody gets a compound fracture, I said, what do you do? And he said, pull. I said, what do you mean? He said, your bone wants to go back in place. Take that ankle, pull it out, pull it out, and the bone will reconnect and then splinter. So you're just supposed to line it back up? Yep. He said, pull that fucker right out.

And I went, oh! And that's exactly what they do to you. They will pull. Really? Do you ever see somebody, a doctor reset a shoulder when it comes out of the socket? No, but I had a pretty significant break of my arm when I was a little kid.

I remember them setting it. It would freak me the fuck out. Pull your arm. My arm went like that. Like it was bent up like that. it was like bent up Like that I fell on the monkey bars And I tried to block myself with my hand And my forearm just snapped

It just went crack It happens a lot It happened to my daughter It happens a lot to kids A lot of kids My friend's daughter it happened to Another kid that they're friends with But when you're a kid it's all good right?

Because they're so young they heal so quick it's amazing their bones just go they just fuse up they take the cast off in three weeks they're soft the thing is with little kids one of the big issues is not even the bone healing that quickly because it heals so quickly

as long as it's set correctly it heals very quickly but it's the stiffness you don't want to lose the range of motion so that's like what my daughter had issues with she had to go through some range of motion stuff that takes like a couple weeks before their motion comes back but you compare it to like the way you would be if you broke your arm at 48 a long time if it take a long fucking time yeah you know it's rough especially if you don't use help which is one of the reasons why i was willing to forgive Anderson. And I'm not forgiving Anderson. He doesn't need my forgiveness.

I'm just saying, like, one of the reasons why I go, look, man, I'm judging the dude before he fought Chris Weidman. I'm judging him up to this point when he's 38 years old and he gets knocked dead by this young stud. I agree. I go, that guy before that is the best ever. And this guy is unfortunate. The post-fail test is what sucks.

I can't speak about this because I know some shit that I'm not supposed to know or that's not out there yet. And once it does get out there, then we can talk about it. But the person who told me about it. Legit. Legit. We don't have time. We can just move on.

This is one thing for sure. For sure he took some shit he wasn't supposed to take to make his leg healed. For sure. There's a really goofy explanation. I'll explain after the show. It'll all come out eventually. Moving on, how about Burt Watson? That sucks, man.

I don't know what happened there, man. I heard a couple different stories. I've heard stories, but we don't have to talk details. It just sucks he's gone, man. Yeah, he quit, apparently. That's the word, is that he quit. He got in an altercation with someone or something. I don't know what happened.

Or he just got tired of it, man. The guy was traveling to fucking China and traveling all over this place and that place in Or he'd just get tired of it, man. The guy was traveling to fucking China and traveling all over. This place and that place in Brazil. He was the manager of Joe Frazier. Yeah, he's been around a long time. Crazy, right? Really? The nicest guy. One of the best human beings you've ever met. More than nicest guys

ever. I don't know what happened. They don't make two Burt Watsons, ever. I agree. Irreplaceable. I gave him that nickname. Babysit to the Stars. Oh, really? Yeah, that was my nickname nickname I used to say it When he'd get out on stage When he'd get on stage Oh that's right

I would say Burt Watson Babysit to the Stars Because that's what he does I mean he babysits everybody He makes He makes everybody's Experience at the UFC

Smooth and easy He takes care of all your shit And so that like When these fighters would fight Like they would have This welcome feeling Of like being at home Because Burt Watson

Was there to take care of You were talking about that How just When you'd see him everything would be okay yeah I mean when you're going to fight these monsters and you check into the fighter hotel and it's like chaos there's fans and they see Burt and he's just like what's up baby everything's smooth maybe you feel calm even in back in the locker room don't leave it to the judges like before I fought Travis Brown remember that don't leave to the judges

boss don't leave to the judges they they made I fought Travis Brown, remember that? Don't leave it to the judges, boss. Don't leave it to the judges. They made you cry last time. I told you. And he talks to you. There's this comfort level where I don't know if anyone else in the world could do it, man. And he was so damn good at it. He's a genuinely really nice guy.

Great human being. So when he's doing that, you know, he's pumping everybody up. That's his nature. His nature is to pump you up to make you feel good He wants you to feel good when you see Bert Kreischer every there's not a time that I saw that guy that I didn't give Him a big giant hug Bert Kreischer you tell her no Bert Watson Watson who said Kreischer you say Kreischer. Yeah, I was like yeah. Well. He's another one I was like that's right. He's gonna be here tomorrow. He's a great guy nice, but Bert Watson. Sorry um

Bert Watson was the guy who he would make guys on the undercard feel like they're the main event He would everyone you felt like you were literally the only guy fighting that night like he was just amazing But every time you would see him you would hug him just like that's what it was Those intangibles some people just have that that quality that sort of well You know what the problem is man. It seems like a job that other people could do so it says like you know Maybe sometimes I think you don't appreciate. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it seems like it when you look at it Like what's he doing? It's so important, you know, like why is this guy? Why is he getting all this attention? I'm writing down on paper. No, what he does you can't like it's not there's not a job description

Okay. Oh you deal with divas and deal with some of the toughest guys on the planet and you you know You make sure their week is smooth. I get yeah I can do that I'm telling you man it's gonna be a beast yeah I mean I think other people probably could do it but no one's gonna replace him he has his own unique individual and you know he's a beautiful guy to be around like I just think that's worth something you know I don't know I would have never let people have a weird like this guy we used to train American Bulldogs for attack training. And he had this dog on a leash called Axe.

And we went and saw all his dogs because at the time I was thinking about buying an American Bulldog. And he said, you can't go near that dog over there. I said, okay. He goes, yeah, he's by training. He's a mean boy and everything. And then they were talking about how there was a guy who just could walk up to every single dog he had in that whole lot. And he had a bunch of them.

And at one point, Axe was just the only person that Axe lets near him as this dude. And they didn't tell him not to go up to Axe. And he walked up to Axe. And the next thing you know, he saw the guy get down on his knees and open his arms and hug Axe. And Axe was wagging And Axe was wagging.

Axe was wagging. He just had a thing with dogs. That's bird, man. Some people just have a... They're retarded. The dog recognizes they're too stupid to know any better. So the dog doesn't bite their face off.

God, man. Who knows? When I was going to do a movie a long time ago, I can't remember the name of the movie. It actually got released. And it was about a French soldier in the desert who meets a leopard. And they have, in fact, a woman named Lavinia Currier. And I had a meeting with her. And she said, well, we're looking for an actor.

The only issue is that the leopard will either like you or it won't like you. If it doesn't like you, it'll never like you. If it likes you, you'll be fine. And that was a huge part of getting cast in the role. And I said, what is it? How does it know? How does it know? And she said, we don't know.

It's maybe a scent or however you move, but it likes you. You get the part. So getting the part is one thing. Then you have to go through the leopard test. Oh, fucking Christ. Very interesting. Did you go through the leopard test? No, sure didn't. I didn you get the part. Yeah, so getting the parts one thing and then you have to go through the leopard test Oh So what were you thinking when he gets on his knees in front of the dog, I'm sorry, I didn't see that I didn't see it. I was just told the story That you weren't there for

Yeah, those are not good. You know why? Because they might be bullshit. I know. I hate those stories. No, because somebody else was there. Yeah, but it might have been exaggerated. The dog might have been super friendly. I saw a video. It was a wiener dog. So there's no threat at all. I went over to my friend's house and they're like,

yeah, everybody's like, oh, this dog's scary. Look, this is a German Shepherd. It's a friendly dog. Comes over, wag his tail. Everyone thinks Pitbull's a scary dog. Well, you and I were talking about the difference between a liar and an exaggerator, right? Yeah, you just took me down a journey where you don't know, you have no veracity. You're Brian Williams of the podcast, man.

No, man. Guys, hold on. Did you see the meme of Brian Williams saying he escaped when he brought around his arm bars? Oh, really? Yeah. That guy's fucked, huh? When you're a news guy. you're a new six months, man

What the fuck ever doesn't dude? It's over son. You think? America forget oh No one can do that Listen if I wanted to be a fucking newscaster tomorrow if it wasn't for my checkered past if I want to do it tomorrow You ain't doing it tomorrow. This is a clean record. There's way too many endorsements of illegal drugs of mine online. Also, you and I are friends.

We're friends. If you found out I told a major lie like that. Like that dog story, the Taekwondo one? Which one? I mean, I've told a lot of stories. But if you found out that I was just a liar, there's a big difference, man. That's where you go. I've got to reassess everything now.

Brian Williams is doing it for ratings. There's a lot of competition out there. And he went, yeah, I was in this helicopter. He heard of a helicopter crash, and he just put himself on it. He didn't need the ratings. He didn't need ratings. I think you're giving him too much credit. I think you're saying that he's like this is a calculated move

But that's stupid. You know why because the true story is still awesome. Okay, true story the true story He's in a helicopter. There's a helicopter convoy of three helicopters the one in front of him gets hit with an RPG They have to force land in a fucking sandstorm and they're stuck in the sandstorm for two days That story is awesome. And that story's true. That's a true story. No, it's not, though. What you're missing is he was three and a half hours behind the one they hit with RPG. I heard it was an hour. But this is what the pilot said.

The pilot said that's not the case. The pilot said they landed an hour late because they had to get rid of their cargo. They had a full load of cargo. They landed, they got rid of their cargo, and then they met up with the other helicopter that got hit by the RPG. That's why they were an hour behind it. That's a dope story then. But this is what the guy says. They were all in a convoy. And the helicopter pilot even said that the helicopter that Brian Williams was on took small arms fire. Then when he

landed, or then when he told his story, two other people came out and said, no, they were the guys that were flying Brian Williams around, and he didn't fly him around. And so he's like, you know what? I don't even know anymore. He said, I have suppressed this so much. And this is a guy who's a totally legit guy. And he said, I'm starting to get nightmares again, and I had already put this behind me. Now you're making me relive this experience from 12 years ago, and I'm starting to question my own memory, which is super common in traumatic situations.

Like, for Brian Williams, let's be real. I don't know that dude, but I guarantee you he's a pussy. I guarantee you if you're alone- 100%. He's never been in a fight in his life. The way he apologized, the way, I mean, this, I mistakenly told you- I conflated the two stories. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't.

That's not the way a goddamn man apologizes for fucking up. What he should have done was, instead of doing online or that way where you're in some? Constricted time of 15 seconds they allot you to try to clear your name You should do it on a YouTube video You should put a goddamn camera in front of you and as long as it takes to get your full thoughts out about how this Possibly could have happened or that you did lie or what it was or that you got caught up in it and somebody repeated it and you almost forgot because you kept telling the story. Whatever the fuck it is, the actual

story is pretty goddamn good. At least according to the helicopter pilot. The helicopter pilot said that his... and then the helicopter pilot came out the next day and said he's not even sure of his own memory and so he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Which is that guy's fucking prerogative. So what do you think should happen to Brian Williams? Never! It's over! Get out of here with your news you're not telling me the news

you're a bullshit artist yes do something else go host a talk show yeah go host a talk show you think he's the first one ever to lie no but you can't get caught you can't get caught as a news liar yeah you know what i mean it's like he's the face of nbc news okay how about this what if you found out that a dude was pitching for the World Series and he got paid off by some gambling organization to throw the game? Would you ever trust that guy to fucking pitch a legit game again?

Would you ever? No, but Anderson Silva told me he didn't take steroids. He's still your number one guy, but Brian Williams can't tell the news these days? I think it's fundamentally different. Anderson Silva, at the end of his career, definitely did take steroids. It's also different, though. It was, at the end of his career, definitely did take steroids. It's also different, though. It was when he had a broken leg, and he's 39 years old.

You heal slow as fuck, and I'm with you. I get it, man. You shouldn't do it. It's totally illegal. I'm with you. What I'm saying is, when I say Anderson's the best of all time, I'm not taking away his previous accomplishments because he fucked up when he was 39 years old. What I'm saying is, if I look at him in his prime, from Chris Lieben all the way to Vitor Belfort to fucking Stefan Bonner, if I look

at his fights, Dan Henderson. And we assume he's clean. We assume he's clean. We do not know. Okay. We obviously don't know. We do not know. I'm not saying he did it. If he really was clean, I give him the benefit of the doubt. He never failed a test, and I say that he was the best ever. So Brian Williams had this one mess up. I also give Fedor the benefit of the doubt. But Fedor has more benefit because Fedor never tested positive. True. Even though he was in a dirty league.

I mean, we could call it a dirty league, right? Pride. 100%. 100%, right? Yeah. Amazing fighters. When we say dirty, we don't mean it disrespectfully. It was the environment that they were competing in.

I say awesome. So Fedor has way more benefit of the doubt because he never tested positive. But he wasn't even tested until he came to Strikeforce. Bro, all I'm saying is, so Brian Williams basically tested positive for this one time. No, hold on. So we're just going to assume all of it's bullshit? No, it's not that. You trust Brian Williams to deliver information.

He is a journalist. That people tell him to deliver. A journalist's credibility and an organization's credibilityEOPLE TELL HIM TO DO THAT. A JOURNALIST'S CREDIBILITY AND AN ORGANIZATION'S CREDIBILITY IS EVERYTHING WHEN IT COMES TO THE NEWS. WHEN YOU'RE A JOURNALIST AND YOU HAVE A STORY, YOU HAVE TO HAVE, I THINK, DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU'RE AT, THEY CROSS-CHECK YOUR REFERENCES. YOU GOT TO GET VERY, VERY GOOD SOURCES. AND I THINK AN EDITORIAL BOARD

HAS TO OKAY IT. THAT'S WHY WE TRUST THE NEWS. IN MY OPINION, WHEN SOMEONE LIKE BRIAN WILLIAMS LIES, AND HE BLATANTLY LIED, AND IT WAS A SELF-ANGRADISEMENT. IT WAS ABOUT MAKING HIMSELF LOOK NOT ONLY LIKE A SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER, BUT A GRANDEOSED CHARACTER. HE EXAGGERATED. SAY WHAT YOU WILL. HE EXAGGERATED. IT'S MORE THAN AN EXAGGERATION. IT'S A LIE. IT'S AN ABSOLUTE, BLATANT LIE. AND EVERYBODY

USES THESE EUPHEMISMS. AND LIKE, WELL, HE WASN'T FORTHCOMING. NO like, well, he wasn't forthcoming. No, it's okay that you lied. I forgive you as a lie. What if he's dumb as fuck and he really thought that he was in the helicopter that got hit by the plane? He might have. Too bad. Oh, shit. Too bad, though, right? Right.

But what if it's like the O.J. Simpson thing? People thought that O.J. Simpson literally believed at the end of his time as a free man that he hadn't killed his wife. There's people that knew him that had said this in interviews. They said, I really believe that he doesn't believe he killed her. Like, he got it killed his wife. There's people that knew him that had said this in interviews. They said, I really believe that he doesn't believe he killed her. Like, he got it in his head. Like, he twisted his brain up. I mean, technically, he didn't, though. Who knows?

But that would be... But not civilly. The civil lawsuit... That's true. But the courts have recognized that, too, right? They recognize some... That's the degree of mental delusion or whatever it is. All I'm saying, Brian Williams shouldn't be out of a job for lying once.

I don't want to hurt the guy. I don't think he's a bad... I don't think he should be banned from the news. Let's be honest about this. First of all, he made a dossier of Brian Williams' lies, investigating his dispensed accounts. Okay, he's... There you go. He's done. If they're doing that, what's the date on that again? Well, so...

So he's lied more than once? Well, then he's screwed. But that's how it always is. People thought maybe you just exaggerated this one time. People don's how it always is. That's how it always is. I thought maybe you just exaggerated this one time. People don't do it that way. That's not human behavior. Yeah. That's not human.

When people steal, when somebody steals money from you, they go in and they take money. I promise you they got a history of that. I disagree. Well, you don't know the situation. You don't know if they're stealing money. You're right. Sometimes there can be an exception. We don't know his situation.

If he's desperate for money. I can understand that. I'm just saying that typically when people behave a certain way and they get caught, they've probably done something like that in the past. I disagree. I don't think you know the situation. It's very possible that he has whatever it is. It's very possible that he hasn't. But if they do have a dossier of lies on him, then your suspicions have kind of been confirmed. Yeah, he's screwed. Yeah, he's fucked. But it's also, it's like, it doesn't mean that he can't work. And by the way, he was making $10 million a year.

He's balling. He's making a lot of fucking money. That guy's gonna be fine. I really don't give a shit if my newscasters are... Oh, you're crazy, man. I don't want that to... It's gonna make you angry. You should, Brennan.

You're gonna watch this puppet, this fucking state-run puppet. All of them are puppets. But they're not. They're not all puppets. Dude. They're not. CNN and Dateline, you think all those guys? Brennan, he makes $10 million because you trust him, because he's a face of credibility.

The reason Brian Williams made $10 million a year is because he was the face of NBC News. And when you brought him into your living room, like everybody did, what happened was you do that because when you get news from him, you believe it. That's why you're watching the news. You're not watching fiction. I didn't trust him from the get-go. I don't assume these are world-class, great Americans delivering the news.

You're a dummy for basically a corporation who are telling you what to say. You exaggerate. That's not how the news is. You're also being simplistic about this. Okay, but he's not really because all Brian Williams' credentials, I mean, what does he need to be able to do

that you can't do, or that you can't do, or that I can't do? So reading off a tele... I'm not good at reading off teleprompters. I know what you mean. There's evidence online. I know what you mean. But that's all he has to do.

He's telegenic, right? You get used to doing that. He looks like someone's dad. He's a good height. He's got good facial structure. There's a reason for that. That's what they hire. Yeah, his speeches.

But he's not particularly a brilliant guy. I had a conversation off the record once. I won't say the guy's name, but he's one of those news guys. And I was shocked at how dumb he seemed. Like we were having a conversation about it, and I questioned him on a couple of things. We were just like throwing some, you know, just shooting the shit back and forth. And I forget what came up or what the subject was, but I remember thinking, this guy, he's not that bright.

What was he? Was he hesitant or what was it? Clumsy. Clumsy. Like, clumsy in his thinking. I can't really tell you what it is, because then you'll know who the fuck I'm talking about. He's not a bad guy.

My favorite's Anderson Cooper. He's good. But, you know, look, Anderson Cooper is another one. Well, William is always considered by people. I've only read this. I don't know, and I can't give you examples. He was recognized by a lot of people who wrote about this afterwards as a pretty good journalist that got him to where he was, got him to be an anchor of NBC. He was a credible journalist who did good work, who wrote good articles and did good investigation.

And that's why it was such a bummer for so many people. And by a lot of accounts, I don't give a shit. That's not true. Other accounts, it's not true. There's other people that said he was an asshole, that he was pretentious. I mean, who the fuck knows? Whenever something like this happens, you're going to get bullshit on both directions. But all I know is we don't really need those guys.

We don't need someone that's a credible voice. I agree. We need information. That's what we need. And it's almost worse when it comes from a personality, especially if we think that personality could potentially be manipulated. It's that charismatic father figure that's reading you the news. It's kind of creepy in a way.

Yeah. It's weird. But a free, honest, and open press, and knowing that you can trust the information you get, say, from the New York Times, because they work very hard at making sure at least that the stories or the information, not the stories or the slant, but the information presented. So, for example, somebody gets shot, a 12-year-old gets shot. We know that's true. We're not going to say they're making that up. There has to be a certain amount of non-cynical trust in a society where we just give people the benefit of the doubt.

You can't go through life believing that CNN and Dateline is the best source of news and they have no hidden motivation. Well, they certainly do. But here's the other part of the problem. The format is incredibly flawed and antiquated. The format of getting the entire world's news in an hour with 18 minutes of commercials is ridiculous. You can't get it that way because they're going to pick and choose the things that are exciting. It's an entertainment show about events. That's what it really is. It's an entertaining show about events.

And that's why you have this asshole with a tie who speaks like your girlfriend's father. Like, oh, this fucking guy again. You know what I mean? Like, this is who he is. And there's a reason Kim Kardashian posting a selfie, signing a deal for $100 million is the start of the news.

That's the catcher. If it bleeds, it leads. You know? That's what they say. And there's no doubt that political leanings by journalists bleed into the news. I mean, they don't give them too much credit.

I don't assume there's a people. It's a shitty way to get information. That's not how any of us should get information. No. They shouldn't have it anymore. It was important back in the day when they didn't have fucking reading. You know, and they would get on TV and nobody... I mean, you'd read your newspaper in the morning and then in the afternoon you would listen

to the news or you would watch the news. It became on television. And that's, we are at war with Japan. What? Did you hear on the news? We're at war with Japan. Now you would hear on the news? We're at war with Japan now You would get Twitter alerts like way before that shit would happen when you see Walter Cronkite back in the day It was just very matter-of-fact. He got on and read the news and one of the things there's a famous story

I think about the the guy who? Was ran 60 minutes and he came in and he said good news and bad news Good news is got very high ratings last night. Bad news is we got very high ratings last night. And the news will never be the same. So in other words, we now have a lot of pressure to get ratings. What does that mean? Sensationalize things. What does that mean?

Focus on what's wrong, not what's right. Self-fear. Negative. Well, not only that, it's a disproportionate and non-accurate view of the world. Because by only focusing on these negative things and not focusing on the fucking hundreds of millions of positive things that are happening all the time all over the world, you're getting this distorted version of reality that threatens people and makes people alert and react to stress.

You're reacting to danger. A sense of fear all the time. I feel like ISIS lives next door in Marina Del Rey. And more importantly... I better get a fucking lion. Hey, rant killer, let the guy fucking rant about ISIS. Jesus Christ, you just can't stop. Rant killer.

He's trying. He's trying to do some comedy here, and you're just tripping all over him. You're trying to go after ISIS. No, you got this, man. Carry on. The guy's going on about ISIS and fucking Marina del Rey. You're like, hey, hey, hey, about my uncle. No, I was going to say that what I think the damage done is that you don't get any real information. Like I was having a conversation with somebody who really knows the Middle East,

and they were like, nobody ever talks about the biggest problem with two things. First of all, the Middle East is the Sunni-Shia schism. The idea that you start there. We don't even know where to start with the debate. We start talking about ISIS. We start talking about the problems that bother us. And we don't actually really know where the source of the problem is. We don't know how it started.

Because we're not, you don't get it from what you were saying. You don't get it from watching TV. You get it from CNN and Dateline. And you assume this, guys. You're not supposed to. You didn't, you know, it used to be you had to wait for the news to come out. You had to get a newspaper, and then you got alerted to the important stories in the radio or on the news on television. We don't need that anymore.

It's just antiquated. And it's dangerous because it gives you a version of the world that's not entirely accurate. It's very slanted because that's what you're scared of, so that's what you tune into, so that's what they can sell. Advertising, hey, we scared the fuck out of 100 people. Did you see Nightcrawler? Yes. It's fucking excellent. No, so dope's what you tune into, so that's what they can sell. Advertising. Hey, we scared the fuck out of a hundred people. Did you see Nightcrawler? Yes. It's fucking excellent. No, so dope. It's excellent. And it's all about this. Nightcrawler

is all about this. First of all, Jake Glilenhall is a bad motherfucker. How did he not win a... He should have won an award. He's a beast. I think awards are stupid. I agree. He's just excellent. It's an excellent move. It's really, really, really, really well dope ass dodge challenger makes Right. Yeah, it's not even starts ball. It's our tea. Yeah, what is that?

I don't know red challenger with black to get there faster, dude. I love how he talks to a sidekick. Yeah It's an amazing German if you don't Don't don't spoil Folks that are listening this people is oh see it. I am going to see it. But folks that are listening, there's people listening. Oh, my bad. It's goddamn good. Oh, I'm a spoiler alert. And I see every movie. He ruins my time.

I ruin shit for people. You ruin my time. I go, don't tell me about the fights. Whatever you don't tell me about the fights. I'm just disappointing you. 14 seconds, that's all I'm going to say. It pisses me off when he misses the fight, so I text him all the results. He texts me assholes.

You know, that's part of your job is to pay attention to MMA. I'm aware of that. And when he doesn't see it, I'm like, fuck that noise. I'm aware of that. I tape it. I tape it. I'm taping his defensive stance. I'm aware of it.

He's a fucking cobra. He's bracing for impact. Because I get mad. I'm like, Brandon, don't tell me anything. We're on our way to play volleyball. I go, don't tell me anything. He goes, Cain Velasquez ends up winning. He punches him in the face.

I got to discipline you, man. I got to teach you. He runs through the whole thing. I gotta discipline you, man. I gotta teach you. He runs through the whole thing. How do you not know? What are you doing? You out there in the wild? Yeah, dude, my workouts are at night a lot of times. What do you do? Run to the beach? Think about death? No, I do the Alexander Emelianco workout, not the Fedor one.

What's the difference? Just a lot of back work and crime. A lot of back work? Chin-ups and crime. Just crime. work and crime. A lot of back work. Chin-ups and crime. Just crime. Just do crime. Damn you. That's hilarious. Yeah.

How about Brendan's part? It's beautiful. It's got a goddamn full head of hair. If I had that much hair, I'd do weird shit with it, too. You know what, man? Because I've been taking a break from training, and I haven't grown my hair out since I was in, I don't know, man. So for me to be able to grow it out she can't have really hairstyle trained a ton Putting gel in your hair feel like a you know dude. I've been I don't know I know you got a you had a neck injury

For a while yeah, I've been getting this this dude does rolfing and he uses he's got this fucking crazy It's like this metal piece that's wrapped in like a soft plastic like a thin sheet of plastic around it, you know, so it's like semi-soft on the outside, but underneath it's iron steel, whatever the fuck it is he breaks up scar tissue Woooo, doggy Okay, so now here's my question

You're a beast if you can sit through that I had it done on my hamstring once I get it done once a month, or once a week You know what's weird is people be like like, oh, shop, your neck hurts. And this is my fault. I'll have random people like, let me see it. And I'll just sit down. And they start cracking it.

This random girl was grabbing my neck. She's like, your rib's out. Your rib's out. Oh, God. I'm sitting there. Her weight's on my shoulder, pushed on my head. I'm thinking, I don't know this woman. I let her do it.

You can't do that. You can't do that. I know, man. But what do we know? You know a lot about this stuff. What do we know about, like, I don't know this woman. I let her do it. You can't do that. You can't do that, man. What do we know? You know a lot about this stuff. What do we know about, so if my lower back hurts, is that a function of inflammation? Well, here's the deal. You don't know until you get an MRI. You need to get an MRI. I got an MRI recently because

I wanted to get a look at my back, know exactly what's going on, and everything's cool. Some disc degeneration, minor disc degeneration, a little bit of soreness and inflammation. There's really nothing you can do for that. No, not much you can do. It's all fine. It's fine to push myself. But you've got to know that you're fine to push yourself. How bad is your back?

No, I'm fine. You say that, but if you don't know, it's just guessing. People that have sciatica, they keep going, oh, my sciatic nerve. Do you know what that is? That's a bulging disc that's pushing on your nerve. You're making it look like your nerve is acting weird. Your nerve is being squashed by your fucking soft shit in between your bones and your spine.

It's pushing into your fucking nerve. That's serious shit. And people that ignore that or try to work through it, you can fuck yourself up. to work through it, like you can fuck yourself up. I know three dudes that have had significant neck surgery because of impinged nerves where it was causing atrophy to their muscles. Three dudes very close. Guys from my gym. I know one dude that can't do jujitsu anymore.

Can't roll, can't do anything. It's a fine line though. Like a lot of guys, they'll be messed up and like, nah, I'm not going to see a doctor. And then now, you know, with the UFC insurance policy, I'm like, damn, my wrist hurts. I get an research I get an x-ray. Okay, my nose hurts. I get an x-ray. You should do that You're fucking professional fighter man. The UFC must be like fucking shop man. What's wrong with me jammed his You're not the only one a lot of dudes are doing that and they should yeah They should that is a giant part of what you do for a living. They probably have awards You gotta know behind our back know whether or not

The year's this round they're silly that's silly you look this is what you do for a living. They probably have awards behind our backs. You got to know whether or not it's serious or not. Biggest pussy of the year, Big Brown. They're silly. That's silly. Look, this is what you do. That's antagonistic sort of relationship with people when they have injuries. Yeah. That's a very fucking tricky thing to be. It's weird, though, man, because, you know, back in the day, it's like, oh, I want to be tough.

So now, like, and it's my own ego. When I have to call my manager and be like, dude, I got to get my MRI or I got to get my neck checked out It takes usually three or four weeks for me to talk myself into getting the doctor because it's like this ego thing We're not only a bitch man. Like like like Mitch Rohn was in town. He's like you want to train? I really can't go real hard wrestling right now. I want to with him and Barnett. Yeah, I just can't and that's why I was like I'm busy man. That's smart man. We're gonna try to ignore pain I know there's a lot of dudes that try to ignore pain their bodies want to fall apart

True we had John Wayne Parr on and he was talking about Ramon Decker's Ramon Decker's They got him to a point where they fused his fucking ankle to his shin bone because he had broken it so many times Just full power kicks He would kick so fucking hard and smash into elbows and knees and shins and he shattered his ankle so many times from his right kick that they had to fuse it so he would hobble when he walked new tape that fucker up and get in there and they told him they're like you can't kick with this we're gonna have to fucking amputate your leg if you break

it again and he would wait a little while fighting in the southpaw and he'd say you know what fuck it switch dances and just start attacking with it again dude that's a bad motherfucker his fucking ankle didn't bend yeah he passed away right at 43. oh no died of a heart attack at 43. oh boy riding a bike apparently he was one of the all-time great dogs phenomenal if you don't know who he is that's a compromise research run Ramon Decker's whoa he was good dude it's just a moment average savage so so aggressive and he was like he was a Dutch guy but the Dutch people were very big yes the average height for a Dutch man is six feet tall. Tallest people in Europe.

Yeah, the tallest people in Europe. And a lot of big, and he was little. So he had to be tough. And he was one of the first guys to go over to Thailand and beat the Thais in Thai boxing. Well, think about how tough he is. Your ankles fuse to your fucking leg, man. Your ankle, yeah, your foot and your knee and your ankle. All the way down is one piece.

Yeah, that's not good. Get the fuck out of here. Don't use it. Don't use it and then get in a fight and fucking use it. It's definitely a guy who doesn't know what to do with his time. He's just not going to quit. That's why we might have to amputate your leg because you've shattered your bone so many times.

The whole thing's like... I've got to be honest. I'm just not that tough. I'm like, ah, cool, man. It's kind of how I feel about Madonna at 56 showing her ass off like an old fighter who won't quit. Just take a look at this. I won't give up. First of all, how dare you make that comparison?

Sorry, guys. No, he fucked the whole thing up with Eddie Murphy, Shrek thing. Yeah, but this might be just as bad. Madonna's an oddity at this point. I think so. When people go to see her, it's an oddity. She's a 60-year-old woman in her underwear who's dancing around with a bunch of gay guys following her everywhere she goes and hanging on her every word. She got yanked off stage the other day.

Why I know that, I don't know. I think fucking Brian Williams told me. What happened? She was dancing. The thing was supposed to yank the cape off, but it got her neck. Oh, my God. It yanks his bitch right off the stage. Damn.

Is there a video of that? Oh, yeah. Oh, we got to see that. Damn. Play it for us. Play it again, yeah. Oh, we got to see damn play for us Yeah, play it again Jamie She'll be 80 showing her body off you best believe that dude fired whoever made that cape provider dead. Oh, yeah, it's probably dead He's probably dead. She probably beat him to death

They put his memory Madonna beat someone to death with a hammer and they just see the body just It was like the 19th a little hammer. It was the 1930s. Oh, no. She just had a carpenter's hammer just fucking impaled her in the head. Oh, that's not good. Oh, shit. Let me see that again. One more time, please.

Oh. Look at this. Bitch. Ah. Oh. Oh, my God. She's old, dude. When you fall like that and you're old, you could break a hip.

She got up, though. She's walking off like a champ. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Where was that? She handled that really well. Yes. By the way, she fell really well.

She really did. Yeah. She could have got hurt. Fuck that tailbone up. She has zero ass. She could have got hurt. She's got some muscle on her ass. I was filming this movie with Kevin James, Zookeeper, in Boston.

And we had a bike-chasing Boston. We had a bike chasing scene. We had a bike chasing scene. And I kept hitting the front brakes on the bike because the front brakes were my left hand and the back brakes were my right hand. And I'm riding this bike and I'm hitting him with this thing. And I hit the front brakes and go flying over the handlebars on the concrete, like tumble into the grass. I did it like three times.

So you did your own stunt, in other words. Yeah, I did all of it. There's one where a guy made a bike jump where it was a stuntman. Right. Where he had to ride down this hill and then hit this ramp and jump over this flight of stairs and land on the ground.

And he did that. He was like a stunt jumper. Sure. But all the other shit, I did. And they wanted to have a stunt guy do the fall like because that's what would eventually happen was was he was supposed to jam his uh flag into my wheel and then i go flying and he takes off but i fell so spectacularly that they used my actual fall in the game let's see this look at the body and did you do a judo roll or what happened yeah i

gotta see this look at you sick i think i rolled in do a judo roll or what happened? Yeah, I got to see this. Look at you. Sick, man. I think I rolled in one of them and one of them maybe I fell a bunch of times. One of them was cool because I landed in the grass. Like I hit the curb and went flying. I got to see this movie. I can't believe I haven't seen you. Kevin James is a good dude, huh? He's a very good dude.

He's a very, very, very good dude. Dude, how about stuntmen? They're fucking crazy, man. Stuntmen are crazy. I have people tell me all the time. I probably say once a week, dude, you should get into some stunt work. No. What are you, fucking crazy man stuntmen are crazy yeah I have people tell me all the time I probably say once a week dude you should get into some stunt work no fucking crazy that's how boss hurt his neck yeah one of the things I was gonna get to his boss when he was on I think Sons of Anarchy yeah

one of those shows he did a stunt and he's doing his own stunt work and they landed him on his head and bang it just fucked his neck up up. And then he had to get his discs fused. Didn't you have a friend who does stunt work and he, like, was in a coma for a grip? Can't taste food anymore? Yeah, he got heat at the back of his head and lost his sense of taste and smell and has never come back.

And his testosterone went vroom, so he had to go on, you know. But I was doing the Goldbergs, and this girl had to fall down on her, just fall on her back. And I thought, and I said, she was a girl, and it was on a linoleum floor, like a real cafeteria floor. And I said, how are you going to do that? And she goes, just fall. And I said, I know, but, and she just, boom, just hit. Hit her head?

She did it five times. No, she was a stuntwoman. Five times. And I said, how are you doing? She goes, I'll be sore tomorrow. She was falling. Five times. No, she was a stuntwoman. Five times. And I said, how are you doing? She goes, I'll be sore tomorrow. She was falling. I remember when I did Death Valley and I had to judo flip this giant guy, Joe Arnaz.

This guy, Joe Arnaz, who is, well, this was crazy. This guy, Joe Arnaz, who's a giant stuntman on Death Valley. And awesome, works all the time. Just big, big judo guy. And we had this desk, like this thing, and he's a vampire. He jumps on me, and I had to flip him over. And I thought it was going to break away furniture. It really wasn't break away furniture.

It was as hard as it gets. And I just would throw him, and he would flip over me and throw himself and fall on his back. He did it over and over. Do they get paid well to do that? Yeah, they get paid well, but not well enough. I enough I would never do that depends on what you have to do I mean if you have to do something like that it's definitely not well enough oftentimes that we're padding and they do their best but look they're taking bumps no matter what and their heads getting jostled and concussed being dragged by a

horse they say is the most dangerous really dude fuck that and they have to do that for some fucking movies man it's not much you can do about that. You get dragged by a horse. You've got to do it very specifically. You've got to be really careful because they can't really stop the horse. How do you control the horse? You control it with another horse. But you've got to let that horse go for a while.

And they spook the horse. The horse is trained to run, and you get dragged. And that is, they consider, the most dangerous. How about car shit? When they're doing car chases and shit like fucking can't say in the hangover to listen was never the same someone was in a movie Oh Jake Gyllenhaal they were saying that that fucking movie there was not CGI when they did those car accidents in that movie all the car

accidents in Nightcrawler I'm pretty sure it was him see please Google that there wasn't he was in crazy accents. What about the fucking high-speed chase? I don't want to say anything more. I'll say that one time, there was some serious shit. Enough so that you're like, get the fuck out of here. This is real? This is not CGI? Apparently, that was one of the things that the director

wanted to do. I'm pretty sure that's the case in that movie. I know people clown on Tom Cruise for kind of being a sissy, but he did all his own stunts in Mission Impossible. I heard when he hung from that building, that's pretty gangster. He does his own driving stunts, too. And running. He's a powerful kid.

He did whatever the fuck that movie was that he did with Cameron Diaz. He had some crazy movie with Cameron Diaz. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that movie. End of Days or whatever it was. No, no, no, no. That's a great movie. That's a great movie, too.

No, Edge of Tomorrow. Yes. That's very underrated. That is a good movie. That's a movie that almost suffers from him being too wacky. I agree, man. No, The Edge of Tomorrow. Yes, that's very underrated. That is a good movie. That's a movie that almost suffers from him being too wacky. I agree, man. That's a beast of a movie. Yeah, like if that movie was like someone else, like Will Smith,

Will Smith's a little wacky too. The Cameron Diaz one was night and day, right? Yeah, night and day. Good movie. Yeah, if you, if like who would have been, who would have, like, Tom Cruise killed it in that movie, by the way, Edge of Tomorrow. He killed it. So good.

Killed it. Oh, yeah. But if someone else did an equal job of killing it, like, okay, here's an example. John Travolta. Daniel Day-Lewis. If Daniel Day-Lewis was in that movie. He's too serious, though. Too serious?

Way too serious. For a fucking sci-fi crazy movie. That was a realistic sci-fi movie, though. It was good. You know, I mean, it wasn't like so stupid that you thought it couldn't happen. You put that heartthrob from Thor in there. That thing's going to do well. That boy's a beast.

But I'll tell you what, man. Tom Cruise, I did a reading with him and I took his body in. I spent a good four hours with him. Tom Cruise? He's tiny. I spent a good four hours with him. Well, he'll tell you he was there. We talked wrestling. How tiny is he?

He's not as tall as I am, but he's very stout. He's got wide center of gravity, thick hips, thick shoulders. What's his dick taste like? I'm glad you asked. I would make out with him. Would you make out with him? If it all went down. If you were on a canopy, under a canopy.

You got to push me. You got to get me in a corner, don't you? You drink some wine together. You got to put me in a corner, don't you? And you're playing a gay lover in a movie. But in the movie, you don't ever make out. But he wants to make out with you just one time just so you could pretend. Damn it.

I mean, this way, we're going to—look, we're together. We're gay lovers. Well— This is our movie. After I did the reading, I see him six months later at this big hoity-toity party. I talk to him for a good hour, maybe an hour and a half. Do you wake up with your pants down? That means ten minutes.

I remember saying to myself, an hour and a half. That means five minutes. That means Tom Cruise has an hour and a half to talk to you. That means he went, yeah, right? Tom Cruise is like, get the fuck out of here. How does he have an hour and a half by himself? Who's talking to Brian one-on-one for an hour and a half at a party?

For an hour and a half. You know how long that is? Are you lying a little bit, though? I got a witness. We'll ask Jeremy Piven, you tell him. He's got a funny story about it. It doesn't matter. We're sitting there talking. An hour and a half. We'll ask Jeremy Piven. You tell him. Anyway, he's got a funny story about it. It doesn't matter. Okay. But we're sitting there talking for 15 minutes.

And I remember looking at him going, and he was complimenting me on my job I did in the reading. And Jeremy goes, he said you did a good job 13 times. I said, 13? He goes, yes. I said, good. So we talked for a long time. We talked about kids, everything else. And I remember thinking to myself, this is so lame. And I was a grown man.

And I remember thinking to myself, I go, I just really want to be his friend. I hope he says let's hang out again. I remember saying, I would love to just hang out. I was so starstruck. And I really liked him. He was so nice. And I figured, you know what? We're friends.

We're kind of friends now. I kind of know him, kind of. That didn't happen. And I remember I said to him. So you thought it was going to happen? I looked at him. I go, I go. You thought it was going to happen? I looked at him, I go, I go. You thought it was going to happen? This is what I said to him.

I go, so how you been? What's it like just to be the king? Is it just generally boring or a lot of fun? He just looked down, he went, it's, you know, it is what it is. And we started talking. I tried to make him laugh, and I did. I've seen him in person. That's my Tom Cruise story.

He was the first time I've ever been like, I was at this party, everyone was there, athletes. And I was going to the bathroom, I wasn't expecting him. And I saw him, I just went, first time I've ever been like, I was at this party, everyone was there, athletes, and I was going to the bathroom. I wasn't expecting him. And I saw him. I just went, first time ever. I went, oh, shit, Tom Cruise. And he was tiny, tiny. Like 5'6"?

Yeah, 5'6". 160? Yeah, tiny. I think thicker than 160. Not a chance. I think I give him 5'8", but then again, he's in shoes. Probably might have some weird shoes going on. Probably. 100%. But he's thick. He's thick. Hey, I give him 5'8". But then again, he's in shoes. Probably might have some weird shoes. Probably. But he's thick. He's thick.

Hey, I'm a fan, man. I'm a fan. He's got a dick on him. We did take a piss together. We took a long piss together. Sculpted obliques? You didn't look at his dick. I'm disappointed if you didn't. I was at the urinal right next to him. He took a long piss together? What the fuck does that even mean?

We talked about Dan Gable's wrestling camp. How long your even mean? We talked about Dan Gable's wrestling camp. How do you remember how long your piss is? We talked about Dan Gable's wrestling camp because I went to Dan Gable's intensive wrestling camp in Iowa between my junior and senior year of high school. And he said he would have loved to have, but he couldn't afford it. We were holding our dicks. And I remember thinking, I'm pissing with Tom Cruise. I pissed with Dennis Miller once.

It's not bad. That's my story. He pissed with him. He was right next to me Somewhere like NBC Or something like that Hey Joe You got a hip on your hands there It was like Fear Factor

First got on the air I'm like oh shit I'm pissing right next to Dennis Miller I wanted to ask him Man what's up with all this Fucking George Bush shit Your buddies are George Bush I didn't have the balls

No I wanted to ask him That's when he became George Bush's buddy Is there anyone now That would startle you Or make you starstruck? Yeah, a lot of people, man.

Really? For sure. Anthony Bourdain. Because you meet everyone, right? Yeah, I got weirded out when I met Anthony Bourdain. That was a few years back, but I got weirded out. He's at all the UFCs now, a lot of them. That guy trains jiu-jitsu every day.

Wow. He trains jiu-jitsu every day. He does two-hour classes every day. He does an hour of classes all over the place, even when he's on the road. Really? He was rolling in Budapest, Hungary. I'm a bigger fan of him now. He put a picture of him on Twitter with his fucking white belt and a gi,

showing up at this fucking jiu-jitsu place, Carlson Gracie's place. Wow. He told me they were doing all top game. He said he was shitting out bone fragments. Goddamn. He said they all have old school Carlson Gracie top game. Oh, my God. He said, I'm shitting out bone fragments.

That's the message he gave me. So you were a little starstruck with that. Who would you be starstruck with, though? Because you see everybody. I got starstruck when I met Arnold Schwarzenegger and he knew who I was. Oh, he did? Nice to meet you, sir. Oh, my God.

I was like, what's up, dude? I got that dinner with him. I'm so starstruck. Fuck, really? You're doing a very good job. I was like, that means a lot. He's a UFC fan. He's a UFC fan. Wow. Arnold, I mean, doing a very good job. I was like, that's right. He's a UFC fan.

He's a UFC fan. Wow. Arnold, I mean, yeah. That was a big one. That was a big one. If I met Clint Eastwood, even though I think he's a silly bitch, you know that thing he did with Obama when he's talking down him in a chair? It's still Clint Eastwood. I mean, he's a crazy old man now, kind of.

It's Clint Eastwood, dude. It's still Clint Eastwood. You gave him his props right now. Outlaw Josie Wales. One of the great movies, period. Son of a... Diane A. Much of a Livin' Son of a... High Plains Drifter. Diane, much of a living boy.

Oh, High Plains Drifter? Come on, son. I got to be honest with you guys. I'm a lot younger than you. Clint Eastwood's not that big of a deal. Oh, dude. I know. It's a shame.

If you're a fan of films, though... Million Dollar Baby. Unforgiven? Did you ever see Unforgiven? No, I didn't. The good, the bad, the ugly. It just goes on and on. Yeah, no.

It's a different time. I'm way younger than you guys. No, it was before our time, man. Clint Eastwood's old as fuck, dude. Don't try to put it in Clint Eastwood's character. He's old as fuck, but in his heyday, you guys were... Dirty Harry? When we were kids, when we were little kids, Every Which Way Was Loose.

Every Which Way But Loose was the big movie, which meant that he was already so old he wasn't doing the cowboy movies anymore. He was like this old school bare knuckle boxer. Killer. Dude, back in those days, oh my god. He may put his girlfriend. It was in every movie He had this chick Sandra Lockhart Every fucking movie he did every movie he did dirty hair was his girlfriend the motherfucker had this one Put her in every movie every movie was him and his girlfriend until they broke up.

And when they broke up, like, part of their breakup was that he had to get her some sort of a development deal. And then she sued him. Hell of a deal for her. She sued him because she said that, like, allegedly, I should say this is all allegedly. I'm reading this online. It could all be bullshit. But she thought that he was blocking her movies from being made.

Damn. Yeah, it was like, it was an ugly breakup. He composes his own music, all the jazz and all the music, the scores. Yeah, probably not anymore. Sure, sure he does. He composes. In what's the movie? High Plains Drifter.

That's his score. Really? Have you seen interviews with him lately? Have you seen interviews with him lately? Well, he's very old now. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. He did American Sniper.

That's what they say. Or was he on set and they just gave him credit? No, he directed it. He directed he directed it you know he's not he's not so old that he can't do that i mean that's what he's not all up in there like freaking you think he's all up in there sir are you american right my mind appeasing kids about the cleanest way give me a favor you hated on chris cowell well i think he lied uh you guys didn't lie hold on hold on a second it's not hating on someone to tell the truth. It's hating on the rest of the population to pretend that truth doesn't exist

and to not take those facts into consideration when you're discussing a story. I can't say hate that, but he's the greatest American sniper ever, ever. Whether he's lying or not, that's true. Those are facts. What do you know about that? I know what America tells me. What do you know about that? I know what America tells me What do you know about Clint Eastwood direct an American Sniper? What do you know about it for sure? It's a movie That's what they tell and it's a good movie according to some people. It's a night move. I haven't seen it

I haven't seen it. You want to tell you what happens? Ari Shaffir fucking hated it I have a video of Ari Shaffir and Tom Segura arguing. Tom Segura says it's amazing, and Ari Shafir says it's retarded. I listened to Ari on your show Hate On It. He's fucking crazy. He should join us. If what he said was true, does he not have a point? Was there a rubber baby that was

obviously a rubber baby? Not really. Not really. I thought it was a real baby. Not really. I believed it was a real baby. Jamie, you have something to say to him? I don't go to the movies and be like, God damn, that baby looks fake. This is ridiculous.

Clint Eastwood, come on. That is splitting hairs. Well, that's just one thing. I mean, Ari had a bunch of points. That's the least of my worries when I go to the movies. The fakest baby. The fake baby? The fake baby.

Okay, let's see the fake baby. That looks real to me. Hold on, we'll see. You just saw it for a brief second. If you're staring at the baby, you're fucking crazy. Okay, here see the fake baby. That looks real to me. Hold on, we'll see. You just saw it for a brief second. If you're staring at the baby, you're fucking crazy. Okay, here's the fake baby. Right now, it looks like a baby. I'm cool with this.

You're seeing a miller. I'm really cool with that. This seems fine. I'm not really paying attention to it. Okay, that was it? That was more. And your boy Ari's hating on it. No, there's more, apparently.

There's some real fake baby shit going on later. Oh, here it goes. Okay, that's fake as fuck. Look at his thumb. Oh, come on. that's fake as fuck. Look at his thumb Oh, come on That's like going to Jurassic Park me like that t-rex man, I'll tell you what I think just That's not ridiculous being dishonest, you know, I think it's ridiculous looking at his thumb moving That's a joke that's someone being silly so mean. No, it's not even.

That's a joke. That's someone being silly. They're joking around because it's a fucking rubber baby. Oh, come on. Look, the baby can only work a certain amount of hours, and they got union rules for babies. So it's a bad movie because that baby looks fake? I had to work with babies. It's a pain in the ass.

Listen, I don't think it's a bad movie because I didn't see it. But I definitely don't think that just, look, I don't want to pay attention to the baby, but apparently the baby was only one issue. Ari thought the acting was terrible. I didn't see the movie. The movie was implausible, was ridiculous. I was just disappointed that I found out that he lied a lot about certain things. I don't give a fuck.

He still is the greatest American sniper ever. Mm-hmm. Okay. That's a weird thing to say though, like you don't give a fuck. So you you were not willing to give Anderson Silva a pass on doing steroids for a broken leg. That's interesting. I'm giving Brian Williams a pass though. Yeah, that's true. You're very inconsistent. That's me. That's me. That's so weird. But it's like— Five weeks with the wind.

There's kind of like a blind— That's my entire career. A blind patriotism to that, right? Like, you recognize that he's the greatest American sniper, so all the other stuff you just don't want to talk about. No, I'll talk about it, but him being a great American sniper is the biggest thing. That should trump all of it. Yeah, he lied. He didn't take out people during that.

Katrina. Katrina, yeah. Yeah, he didn't do that. He also didn't beat up Jesse Ventura. Yeah, I know. Cool, man, but you killed 160 terrorists. Yeah, I'm cool, man. I'm going to overlook some of that shit.

You're still a great American. They're both true. I mean, if it is true. I don't know what's true, obviously. I'm talking about interviews and people's books and all this different shit I really unless we were there we really don't know what the fuck actually happened But they can both be true like I've met people that were movie stars that were also tremendous liars I mean

I don't want to name names if the dude was a movie star and he's a tremendous liar just makes up stories about all kinds Of things and you would never believe you like this Stuff you know is just a complete fabrication things that never happened to him and the guys worth millions and millions of dollars HE'S A MASSIVE, MASSIVE, MASSIVE MAN. HE'S A MASSIVE, MASSIVE, MASSIVE MAN. HE'S A TREMENDOUS LIAR. JUST MAKES UP STORIES ABOUT ALL KINDS OF THINGS. AND YOU WOULD NEVER BELIEVE YOU. LIKE, THIS STUFF YOU KNOW IS

JUST A COMPLETE FABRICATION, THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO HIM. AND THE GUY'S WORTH MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. BUT ONE THING WE DO KNOW IS HE WAS A NAVY SEAL AND HE WAS A SNIPER WHO KILLED A LOT OF

PEOPLE FOR AMERICA. RIGHT. HE RISKED HIS LIFE FOR AMERICA. BUT HOLD ON. SO HE'S OKAY WITH ME. HOLD ON. HOLD ON. FOR SURE RELAX. YES, HE WENT Bud's training. Yes, he became a Navy SEAL. Very difficult to do. And he's really good at killing people.

That's a skill set as a sniper that I'm sure takes a lot of things I don't know about. I don't think that that necessarily means, and I'm sorry to say this, that means he's a good guy. I don't think that necessarily means that he gets a pass for lying and making up stories about not only killing looters in New Orleans who are stealing stuff, which is already illegal and considered murder under the laws of this land. But he didn't do it. Well, but that's what he was saying he was doing, which is very strange. I haven't read the book, so I don't want to talk too much. You haven't read the book or the movie. All you do is know his name.

Let me play devil's advocate here. You haven't read the book or the movie. All you do is know his name. Let me play devil's advocate here. Just as a person who, like, let me just be completely objective. Take a wild shot at this. Now, this might not be the case. So I'm just going to put that out there in advance.

What if he decided to tell all these tall tales because the book would be better? And he wanted to sell a book and make a lot of money selling a book. And he didn't understand the kind of media storm and that these stories are going to be checked and double-checked. And what he decided to do was add a bunch of fabricated shit to a real story because, first of all, he's probably psychologically damaged from shooting 160 people. I don't think you get away from that for free. I don't think you go to war, and I don't think anybody rides for free in war.

I think you're taking a lot of psychological damage. Everybody says that. So, it could possibly be that the guy just said all that shit because he wanted to sell books. It's possible. And is that crazy? Does that make him a bad guy? Because the U.S. government is not paying him very well, right?

Right. It's a good point. He's not making much money. So he fabricates these stories. His book is a New York Times bestseller. He gets all this money. Is that that bad of a deal? It's all possible. All I'm trying to say is this. I don't know Chris Kyle.

I don't know anything about the guy. I don't know if he's a bad guy, a good guy. I tend to be pretty patriotic. Well, you know what he did for America, though. Yeah. So usually he gets a lot of leeway with me when you're a soldier and you went to Iraq and you did all that stuff. Yes.

For me, that's how I am. But I do think that I still have to at least, like what Joe was saying, when it's found out that you made up these stories, that's kind of a bummer for me. It's just disappointing that he did lie about something like that. I don't give a shit. Trying to sell books.

For whatever the reason. It could very well have been that he was trying to sell books, and it could also very well be that we were talking before, maybe we need to understand a little bit better, since none of us went to war, what kind of mental toll that takes on a person, and that you kind of shouldn't expect them to be completely fine with everything when they come back.

And some of them are going to make shit up. And maybe they're making shit up because reality is so fucking crazy that they don't want to deal with it anymore. Or maybe he's so fucked up he thinks it's real. It could be. Maybe he had a situation where he was in New Orleans and he thought about shooting. It didn't happen. But he goes to war.

Something happens. Like, did that happen? Yeah. Well, it's good for the book. Right. And by, you know, and no one could understand what the fuck that guy's life was like, except for him. No one.

I agree. And it's not even giving him an excuse. What we're saying is we're just looking at the possibilities. Right. Like instead of saying, hey, this is a guy that was full of shit and he lied about that and he's a bad person. Like this is a guy that was forced to do some anti-human shit for the government. People are complicated.

You and I have talked about this. People are complicated. FORCED TO DO SOME ANTIHUMAN SHIT FOR THE GOVERNMENT. PEOPLE ARE COMPLICATED. YOU AND I HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS. PEOPLE ARE COMPLICATED. A LOT OF PEOPLE, WE KNOW CERTAIN PEOPLE THAT ARE HIGH-PROFILE PEOPLE THAT GET CRITICIZED A LOT AND THEY'RE HATED ON. AND YOU KNOW THEM PRETTY INTIMATELY AND IT'S LIKE, YES, THEY'VE DONE SOME THINGS. THEY'RE ALSO COMPLICATED PEOPLE. THEY ALSO DO INCREDIBLY GOOD THINGS FOR PEOPLE THAT NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT. SO THERE'S NO QUESTION THAT PEOPLE GENERALLY ARE NOT BLACK AND WHITE. THEY HAVE A BAD SIDE. THEY HAVE A GOOD SIDE. for people that nobody knows about. So there's no question that people generally are not black and white.

They have a bad side. They have a good side. I know I do. I know I do. I know I have a lot about, I know a lot of things about myself I'm not that proud of. This is black and white. This is very black and white. If you didn't like the film American Sniper, you're a fucking terrorist.

This is easy. Ari Shaffir is a Jew. That's what they should do. At airports, this is how they should check if you're a terrorist or. This is easy. Ari Shaffir is a Jew. That's what they should do. At airports, this is how they should check if you're a terrorist or you have a bomb. Did you like American Sniper? No. Go to the right. Did you like American Sniper?

Yes. Go to the left. What happens when you go to the right, though? You don't get on the plane. Damn it, Brendan. Ari Shaffir would chew you up if you guys had this conversation. Bring it, son. He gets so angry.

Bring it, son. I get so angry. Bring it, son. I get angry, too. You want to hear him ranting with Tom Segura? It's hilarious. The two of them together. I've got to eventually put this online, but they get so fucking in each other's face about it. They're, like, yelling. Like, it's something, like, really important to talk about.

I do think it's important to be charitable about just how complicated human beings are. Yes. It doesn't mean you don't call somebody out on the line. The bar, just so contrived and awful. The fact that they didn't show him getting shot was actually a good choice. Two hour and 17 minute movie, and then at the end they're like, he was killed that day in writing. Listen, you communist fuck. I'll play the whole thing. I'll put it all put the

Listen you communist fuck that's the girl they go they go at it. They go at it for like 10 minutes Oh, yeah, he was mad that at the end. They don't show him getting killed He was mad about everything he thought it sucked He brought a bunch of people from his Twitter feed to go to the movie and heckle. And they all went. What's his deal? They filled the audience. The entire audience was Ari Shaffir's friends.

I would have got arrested. You would have beaten him up. They'd be like, UFC fighter beats the shit out of Ari and his friends during American Sniper. This is not the time to get arrested. This is not for you. Don't do that. Nah.

Beat up a bunch of chubby comedians. Chris Kyle forever, son. Chris Kyle forever. You're a terrorist. Hey, man. Terrorist. I can be swayed. Did you see the movie? I didn't. I haven't bunch of chubby genius. Chris Kyle forever, son. Chris Kyle forever. You're a terrorist. Hey, man. Terrorist. I can be swayed. Did you see the movie?

I didn't. I haven't read the book or anything. He knows nothing about it. I know nothing. I only read, all I've read is that, I looked at all the stuff online and I was like, well, it's interesting. But I haven't read it. I don't know.

That's a credible source. I haven't formulated an opinion on anything. That's super credible. I don't know. You gotta think that when someone has killed that many people for the government, they give them a green light to kill that many people and to kill 160 people. The idea of telling a lie about something that's really no big deal. That guy killing 160 people doing all these tours in war should get a million dollars

from the U.S. government for the rest of his life. He should be financially set for the rest of his life. Yeah, no kidding, right? How much do they actually get when they retire? Not much. My buddy's Delta Force was Delta Force, and he said that I heard, and I don't want to say online,

but it's so pitiful. It's called hazardous duty pay. You don't make any money. You don't have enough to live. And if you go through a divorce, half of that money goes to your wife. Oh, in your personal life, you're fucked because their divorce rate's like 96%.

It's not cool, man. They should definitely get more money. It's the stress. The same with cops. Stress. That stress is insane. It's an unprecedented level of stress. It's so hard to deal with. It's also really hard when you're a sniper. I don't know this, but

I do know that a combatant can be even a child running munitions to a mortar. And if that child's doing that or a guy's looking at you with binoculars and trying to get a beat on your position, you take him out. That's hard. That's hard for a soldier who gets command to take that guy out. Shoot that kid, shoot that woman, because

she happens to be somebody who's aiding the enemy. It sucks. The word hard is not even a good enough word. It's not just hard. It's almost impossible. It's almost impossible to reset from that and be a normal person. Yep. Without some help.

I'm sure. Without some. You go from doing that to fucking walking through Radio Shack with your wife. What? God. What the hell? Yeah. That's why, you know, all these guys coming back from war, you know, that's one way to

make America a little bit more polite. Running into a bunch of people that just got back from killing a bunch of other people. Because, like, they, you know, people have a different attitude when you've been to a war. There's a different mentality. And we have to respect that. And I think we have to consider that. That's important as a culture, as a society that sort of wants to gloss over war and wants to glorify it and make it out to be all this John Wayne shit. We have to look at what the fuck has really happened to these people psychologically.

Absolutely. And the same thing with cops. Everybody wants to shit on cops because cops do occasionally do bad things. And for you that have been done wrong by these cops that couldn't handle that job, I 100% feel for you. I 100% feel for you. I feel bad for the cops. But I think we also have to consider the fact that being a cop is this insane job. Some people become fucking insurance salesmen.

Some people sell cars. Some people become artists. Some people become cops. And you're out there, and you're fucking pulling sideways. A guy's shooting a rifle out of a fucking window and taking people out. You've got to figure out how to sneak into the building. You're calling the SWAT team.

You're hiding behind your car. You're hearing fucking bullets bouncing off the street cops have to deal with some Experience a lot more have much experience, and you know how few of them know how to fight Yeah, that was always shocked me when I would train with guys who had been in police officers And they didn't know how to fight. I'm like this is insane like you don't you don't know any jujitsu You know nothing? Horrible. If you get in a scramble with somebody, what do you do? Do you know how to get out?

They don't know anything. They freak out. You could sign up for being a cop. You could be a cop, and you have to just be in reasonable shape and not completely insane. That's it. And then they get in trouble because they get put in these. Listen, I'm not defending all cops.

Some cops are scumbags. I get that. No doubt. But in general, they're good people, and they get put in these situations where. Well, I think in general, all people are cops are scumbags. I get that. No doubt. But in general, they're good people, and they get put in these situations where— Well, I think in general, all people are good people. I agree. Most people are good.

But then you get put in these situations where they have no experience. They don't know if this kid's going to shoot or not. So like, dang, my life, his, they shoot, and then there's this big uproar. It's similar to what we were talking about earlier with referees. If referees make a mistake, you're making a mistake, and a guy's going to take some fucking punishment because of that mistake. You're making a mistake, and a guy is going to take some fucking punishment because of that mistake. You're not designed to handle those high-pressure situations, or you're not qualified because you don't understand martial arts,

or you're just not good at your job, like for whatever reason, not focused. Whatever the fuck it is that makes you fuck up. But if you fuck up as a referee, it's way worse than if Bruce Buffer fucks up as an announcer. If Bruce Buffer mispronounces Brian Kael you're like oh god my name It's not that bad You know I'm saying if a cop fucks up someone gets shot and dies or he gets shot and dies Or he sees someone gets shot and died that he could have prevented all that stuff is too much for people It's a tough job too much and to have that go on day after day What do you have to look forward to when you're 25 to give you a watch?

What don't you you look at all the friends When you're 25, they give you a watch? What the- and you look at all the friends that you've had along the way that have blown their brains out or drank themselves to death or fill in the blank, done all kinds of crazy shit. My buddy was a SWAT team sergeant and he said he knew he had to get out when he was sitting down next to a body that they had shot and the coroners were doing all their vests and he started eating a sandwich and it didn't occur to him. He was like, I'm sitting right next to a body and I had shot and the coroners were doing all their best and he started eating a sandwich and didn't occur to him he's like i'm sitting right next to a body and i'm this i'm this not phased i've been so i become so numb and the view my job the view of cops too it's not

like you're you know most america's not like oh hell yeah cops man sweet most when they drive by most people especially the ones i hang out with like fuck americans don't like authority americans always have a problem it's an interesting article that i uh put, man, fuck cops. Americans don't like authority. That's how people are. Americans always have a problem. It's a tough gig, man. There was an interesting article that I put up the other day, that again, I don't know if it's true, but it was that this town in Texas hired a private security firm and crime dropped by 61%, and that with no financial incentive for there to be crime,

because they were just compensated for their job, for what they do, for the hours on the job. They found less crime. They also patrolled areas that had the most crime instead of just arbitrarily deciding where people went based on whatever the fuck it was that they had decided on before. They targeted it very tactically, and they cut back on crime by 61% and it costs less money I'm confused so they hired a private security take they have they fire the cops in 2012 right they fired the cops they said this police force is retarded

this government police force sucks we're gonna hire we're gonna hire our own security force we're gonna vote to do this so they decided to do this they hired a security firm to become cops and because these guys don't have the incentive to write tickets because they they're not getting – it actually costs less. It costs them less. It costs them less, and there's less crime. They're not getting as much revenue from it, but they're also not arresting people for fucking nothing. So it's going to adjust the attitude of the people that live in the city.

They're not going to be upset at cops all the time because they're not going to think that cops are just trying to pull people aside because they have criteria they have to meet. They have quotas they have to make. Which is insane. They did the same thing with road signs. Jamie, see if you can pull that article up because it's on my Twitter feed. It's pretty fucking interesting. There was an intersection in Holland that's really, really busy, and the guy took all the road signs out because there were a lot of accidents.

He said, watch this. I'm going to take all road signs out. And people figured it out on their own. And he does this experiment where he walks. He puts his hands behind his back and walks backward into the busiest intersection. And, of course, never gets hit. Because people figure out how to navigate that crazy space on their own. For sure that guy's going to get hit. For sure that guy's going to get hit.

Well, see, he hasn't. Terrible story. And I was there. It's not the best story. That's a terrible story. I was piggybacking. Look at this 61% SEAL Security Solutions. They hired a bunch of fucking people that were former SEALs and shit.

Oh, wow. And they gave them a job. That makes sense. Of course it makes sense. It's fucking smart, man. Those guys have experience in high-stress situations. Reduce crime by 61% in just 20 months. Wow.

And also, then you're not going to deal with the militarization of the fucking this is legit shit Yes, it's legit. It's written up by the operation of the seals. I'm just reading what I'm reading online I've done very little actual research out in the field. I didn't take any plane trips down there When you try privatize an area that the solution goes when you privatize an area, it tends to be policed better a lot of times than if the government has to do it. Right, but now this is where fucking some Alex Jones shit comes up. This is what you want, America. You want former military guarding your streets, holding a gun to your children's head.

And who do you think they, who do they listen to when the shit hits the fan? FEMA. FEMA, goddammit. You got plastic coffins out there in the field. I've seen them with my own eyes! Look at this, look at the guy with his babies. We support our troops by hiring many employees who have served our country. Dude, I'm not mad at this at all.

It's not bad. Look, if it works, I think that there's a lot of things that they do better when you take out bureaucracy. When you privatize them. When you offer them an incentive to be successful. And when they have some support of the community because the community actually likes them Yeah, for sure They live in the community too. Those are fucking sloppy out of shape Yeah, for sure. Give me three out of shape yoked up right it up do is yeah take

I want some I want three Ronnie Coleman's just jack No one doing shit. Yeah, I would go like more of a thinner but like Ian Freeman. Yeah I like that. They have dogs. I like those those big canines they can they can smell out anything. Yeah, it's a good idea use canine you look at the a bomb detection Drug drug detection look boys drop the drug detection. All right, let's let that slide But I think that look I think there's a lot of things that could be taken care of better by Private by the private sector look that's what you see with education. I mean, you get a way better private education in most schools where you deal with really high-level private schools. They're going to have a better education than the best public schools.

It's about incentives, man. It's about incentives. And the teachers are more qualified at the private schools, right? A lot of times. They get paid more as well, right? A lot of times. They get paid more as well, right? A lot of times. There's some really good public schools out there. Don't get me wrong.

But if you had to look at them all per capita, like what's going to be the most formal education? What's going to be like the most comprehensive education? There's a lot of people that have a lot of money to take their kids to private schools because they think that their kids are going to get a better education. That's college, too. You look at the private universities, man. Those are the beasts. I mean, the good thing about universities is that people can get scholarships if they prove you know academically that they're

superior that they're excellent or athletically yeah or athletically those are good things too they get an opportunity but you know privatizing shit though that's the thing that i had that guy on the podcast the fuck is his name uh peter the fucking peter schiff very you know financial, and he was saying one of the big problems with college is the reason why it costs so much is because it's all subsidized by the government. And because it's subsidized, these fucking loans have these ridiculous interest rates and everybody gets roped in this incredible payment that they get stuck with. You get saddled up in debt before you even get out of school.

You get out of school, you already owe a fuck tons of money. You also have to have, the good thing about privatization is you can innovate according to your circumstances. A lot of times when you have top-down, you know, a bureaucracy telling you what to do, regardless, it's hard to innovate, it's hard to move. If you see it with huge corporations versus smaller companies, you gotta be able to change with the times. You know where I'm torn though, man?

I think every kid deserves a private-style education. Every kid deserves it. It doesn't work like that though. I know I know it doesn't sucks but I think that's where the problem is I think every kid deserves the best possible education but we said like the best way to make America great everyone's like let's make America great let's guard our borders and keep our criminals out this is the best way make less losers less losers I put shit tons of money in the community programs and education and counseling and try to help people that are in bad situations.

People that got a shitty- You know that's been society's problem from day one. It always will be. What do you do with the people that, not losers as in you're a loser, but the losers in society, the people that don't get a piece of the pie? That's always been the issue. It's the issue with the Middle East. We're never going to solve that.

It's the biggest issue with the Middle East. You got a group of people who have no young men angry young men nowhere to place their energy and you want to you want to go through the list of why fine it's just it's essentially governments that are not representative etc etc etc it's a major problem what do you do about it what do you do about it i think what you do about it if i if i'm obviously not a fucking financial planner but if i was if I had a look at the country like for his allocation of resources, tax dollars, and how much money do we have, what do we spend it on? I would say let's triple, quadruple, even more the amount of money that goes into education. And anybody who wants to go to college should be able to go to college.

The idea that you could go to college and get saddled – and that sounds contradictory from what I said earlier because the best schools, a lot of them, are private today. But still, I still think that the public education should be so much better than it is now. And being a teacher should be worth so much more. It should be like a very prestigious position that's difficult to get and should be worth a lot of money. And you may not need more money. Even a PE teacher. What about a really good one? What about a really good PE teacher that teaches you about physiology, about explosive fast-twitch muscle fibers, that shows you how to get better at sports?

What about the one that teaches you kickball and fucking something? Why do we have to have that, though? Because it's awesome. But why can't you have that kind of shit where you have a little kickball game with kids, but you also explain to them, this is what's going on when you're getting tired. This is what's going on. This is the food you eat has a different effect on the way your body performs. Right. And a lot of it doesn't

take money. A lot of it sometimes just takes a change in approach. Give them some fucking money. There's teachers out there that get paid 50 cents an hour. There has to be a standard, though. Reallocate the money. There has to be a standard, right? There has to be a standard. You can't have every dumbass in school or private school. Well, think about, like, it's not

easy to be a doctor, right? It's fucking really hard. It's really hard. You gotta go to school. A lot of schooling, yes. A lot of fucking education. A lot of education. It's not easy to be a doctor right? It's fucking really hard It's really hard you gotta go to school a lot of schooling Yeah, a lot of fucking education a lot of education you get it's difficult most people fall out They don't they don't hack through it big should be like that to be a teacher It really should Finland Finland has probably the most but like according to a lot of ratings the best school system They don't test they I think they have one test here the teachers Are responsible to a large degree in making their own curriculum they don't have this core curriculum everybody has to learn

the same thing but i have some good teachers man and and they and more importantly they pay their teachers and their teachers have a great deal of esteem in the society and finland's school system is always outperforming almost every other country and when i had the guy on who wrote this thing called finish lessons a book he said I don't even like talking about rankings because that's already the wrong way to look at it and the problem with testing is that that's what happens is you instead of focusing on understanding and the other really thing really interesting thing is he said we focus on teaching people how to solve problems as a group because if you think

about it you do a lot of that when you work in a corporation. You have to test at some point because if the teachers always let's say they're teaching for a year it's like let's see if these kids learn anything. No one's learned anything you have to test at some point. Well actually they do because they have to rely on each other to solve problems so they'll give them a problem and then they'll kind of let them solve that problem and they try to mimic as closely as they can the real life situations and problems that they're going to come across when they are, for example, working for

a company like Toyota or Nokia. I don't like just that. I don't like that new age teaching, man. Why? It's not new age. It's more practical. I think it's more practical. I think you still have to have history. They still have to learn all that stuff. They do. And they do have testing, but not nearly as much. Oh, so they do have some testing. I think they have two tests a year.

Well, you said no testing. Yeah, for the most part, they don't. But that's just Brian Callen, the way he talks. Yeah. Well, I took it literally. No testing. They have kids just afraid of shit. No, I said they have one test a year, maybe two tests a year.

Well, there's a lot of people that do think that you shouldn't have that. That shouldn't be your incentive to get a high score. Your incentive should be to absorb knowledge. Yeah. That's what stupid people say. Well, it becomes a competitive thing. Your incentive should be to absorb knowledge. Yeah. That's what stupid people say. Well, it becomes a competitive thing. Like, my daughter got a 98. My daughter got a 100. Sorry. Right. I bet you thought your daughter was smart.

Competition, man. You need competition. Sometimes you do. It's like sports, too. It's like, you know you can't play tag anymore. You can't play dodgeball anymore. Well, they don't want losers in certain games. My daughter played softball and no one lost. That's ridiculous. I'm like, I watched people lose. Fuck that noise, man.

How come no one lost? There were four and they're barely hitting the ball. You That's ridiculous. I'm like, I watched people lose. Fuck that noise, man. How come no one lost? There were four and they're barely hitting the ball. You're not kidding. I'm the dad keeping score. Oh, one nothing. That's real life. Two nothing. That's real life.

Janine, you're out. Get the fuck. You only get three swings. They don't learn that losing's okay because that's how you try harder because it feels bad to lose. Like, no one wants their kid to feel bad. That's life. Exactly.

You're preparing them for life. That's that Calabasas shit, man. It's not Calabasas, dude. This is not going on out here. This is going on across the country. It's little kids. Shit, not in Aurora, Colorado. You struck out.

You struck out and got made fun of. Well, today, I bet there's places today in Aurora, Colorado and all over the country that employ these ridiculous ideas. I don't think it's local. I don't know, man. Life is basically, I think life is, if you look at your life, life is working really hard to accomplish something and losing to a degree anyway. Life is about failures.

And learning how to navigate that. Well, those failures are what motivate you to never feel that shitty feeling so you get through off your ass. Yes. That's why people who are born rich or they win the lottery early, they're fucked. That's why we hate those people. Their motivation just slides away. There's very little motivation if you're already wealthy.

Dude, it's hard for me to relate to a dude who just grew up super rich and he's never had any struggles. It's hard to sit down and have dinner with that dude. I feel bad for them. Me too. I feel bad for them. Because they have no idea. Especially, you know any friends that are rich that were raised by their nanny and shit? Oh yeah. Where the mom

and dad are both working 20 hours a day and no one's ever home and they're fucking weirded out. They're lost, man. You see a lot of that. Oh yeah, those rich guys who are surrounded by yes men and they come up wearing a shitty holiday sweater and you're like, nice fucking sweater and it ruins his night. You know, no one ever hangs out

with these guys, man. No one ever busts their balls. Yeah, no one ever busts their balls. That's so true, man. Sweet new haircut. That's so interesting. You get actually angry if you fuck with them. It ruins their night. Dude, we were playing a whole silly game, like, running charades, like a group of us.

And I made fun of the guy's boyfriend, the girl's boyfriend. We said, that's not a word. He had some stupid, like, movie. And he dropped, he dropped the hat and threw his hands in the air and went off in the balcony. And we're like, what? This is awkward. He went out and sulked at his girlfriend. He just gets really sensitive.

Well, I'm going to have to smack that guy in the mouth. That's what happens when you don't keep score and shit. I was on a sitcom once, and this guy was ad-libbing to something as an actor It was a couple comics and an actor and the actor tried to ad-lib something and it wasn't funny at all And we stone-faced it we were like what what like he just wanted to try something different How about I say this and that but it was really he was not a bright guy And I remember we just looked at each other and we like that. No, I don't and that but it was really he was not a bright guy and I remember we just looked at each other and we like that no I don't think that works he throws the fucking script up in the air and storms

Oh, was that all we said is I don't think that works you'd sell out to a comic they go Yeah, suck him something fucked up about it right kidding. You tell it's even a lot of funny people just Good sense of humor we started laughing so hard Brennan pitched an idea for this thing We're gonna do and I was like, oh. And then let me guess, then I go, let's get out of here? Is that your— I couldn't stop laughing. I was like, that's not funny at all. I couldn't stop laughing.

And we do all that, but we bust each other's balls. The only thing I won't stand for is if you guys make fun of my taekwondo. That's the only thing I put my foot down. It's not good. You're lying. Have you ever gone back and read your notebooks from your first years of comedy?

Sure have. Dude, I have a notebook from when I was driving limos. I found it the other day. That's amazing. Must have been awesome. It was unbelievably bad. I should have quit.

I bet it's awesome, though. I can't believe I kept going. Me too, bro. I should have fucking retired. It was so bad. It was so bad. My ideas. And to this day,

sometimes I'll write ideas that are dog shit. But I write the ideas that are dog shit hoping, like, man, there's something fucking something there. Let me just write down, like, a half a concept, and then I'll sit down and start working on it. Yep. So it might have been that, but more likely I was just a 21-year-old retard with a pen. Nah, you gotta start somewhere, man.

God, I want to tell a story, but it'll make me sound bad. Too late. Ah, damn it. All right, I'm just going to tell it. Don't judge me. We only have, like, two minutes to go. story, but it'll make me sound bad. Too late. Ah, damn it. All right, I'm just going to tell it. Don't judge me. We only have like two minutes to go. This better not be someone else's story. I was in Jamaica.

I was in Jamaica. I don't do drugs. I don't. I'll smoke weed. Is this the you getting high in Jamaica story again? No, I know. Lindsay Lohan. See, I don't want to tell it now.

No, go. All right. If it's someone else's story, I'm going to punch you in the dick. I don't condone. I don't condone. Try finding it. I don't condone. I don't condone cocaine use at all. I was in Jamaica, and somebody gave me some. I may or may not have done it all night.

Wow. And I wrote all night and kept waking up my girlfriend, who you know, my old girlfriend, and telling her what amazing bits. And she was like, huh. I was like, and God's a Rastafarian. And I was high. I was doing lines and writing, writing, writing. And I looked at my notes, and it was basically one long bit about God being a Rastafarian. And I was high. I was doing lines and writing, writing, writing. And I looked at my notes, and it was basically one long bit about God being a Rastafarian.

And I thought it was the greatest thing I've ever written in my life. And it was just fucking chicken scratch. And the motto of the story, kids, is don't do cocaine in Jamaica because you are never going to write anything funny. Brian Callen would be appearing at some club in Lexington, Kentucky, with way better jokes than he just slung. He's going to have a Rastafarian God joke for you, Kentucky. This is a setup. It's one of the best bits ever.

It's a setup. He just wants you to really lower your expectations. I'm your creator. Exactly. Every team is going to be all right. The fighter in the kid podcast is kicking all kinds of ass. You guys got to be happy about that. You guys are storming the fucking sports charts.

You're the only thing that's on sports that's funny. You should be a comedy podcast. You're cheating by being on sports. You know that, right? This is bullshit. We barely talk about sports. Yeah, you guys need to move over to comedy and talk about sports occasionally. That's what we do.

Because if people think they look for funny shit, they miss you. They might miss you. That's a good point. That was Fox's idea to do sports. You got to cut that tit. I'm going to have to break off thefighterandthekidshop.com. We're killing it with merchandise. Kill it with the merchandise.

Go buy the shirts. Go download the podcast. For sure, subscribe on iTunes. For sure. For sure. I'll tell you my story if you do. Yeah. A bonus.

Brennan Schaub on Twitter. Brian Callen on Twitter. B-R-Y-A-N. That's it, you dirty fucks. Tomorrow, Burt Kreischer. See you then. Until then, much love. Big kiss.

Peace. Thank you.