The Joe Rogan Experience - #623 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: March 9, 2015

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and hosts his own podcasts “Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank” available on Spotify. He also has a special premiering on Comedy Central, March 13th, 2015 at 11:59pm called "Passive Aggressive".

Song, is that the whole name of the song? Yep, that's it. That's the whole name of the song. There's no need for the fuckin' music Young Jamie I like that. That was the beginning of it. That's it. We are motherfuckin' live And we're doing it.

Oh, nice. That's a great new theme song. Yeah, I like it. I'm happy with it. Ari motherfuckin' Shafir has a billboard If there was a movie about your life and then this happened the way it happened, I would go, ah, that was too much. Yeah, too trite. No way. Oh, he had a billboard above where he lived for 10 years as he struggled.

Yeah, as he was fucking destitute, living in this little shitty area of Hollywood. Making 13 grand a year. Yeah, right next to the comedy store. Right down the street from the comedy store. It's the cheapest housing near the 13 grand a year. Yeah. Right next to the comedy store, right down the street from the comedy store. It's the cheapest housing near the comedy store. Yeah. Yeah. It was cool.

I remember every time I'd visit you, I'd be like, we're safe here. Can we walk through this? Everything all right? You live with some fucking- It wasn't dangerous, but it was bad.

And then eventually the homeless people started moving in. Yeah. You lived with some sketchy folk. Yeah, sure. There was like a few people, like I didn't walk through your halls like I would walk through the Ritz-Carlton's lobby. No.

No. I wouldn't say I'm on code red, but I was on code yellow or whatever the fuck the terrorist code is. I had a little bit of fear. We had these horns. It was kind of like that Brady chain you have there. This thing? With the beads, yeah. It was hanging up

with this weird horn thing like on the railing in a corner and i asked my friend there i was like how long has this been there goes before i moved in and we're like do you want to move you fucking move it it just looked like voodoo-ish and we're like maybe it's keeping the place up and that thing was there for 10 12 years and no one it. And you had this great deal where this apartment, like, they wanted to turn it into something else. It's prime real estate. Oh, yeah. Sunset in La Cienega. Sunset in La Cienega. If they put a dope apartment

building up in there, people would... That's what this guy wanted to do. But everyone above in the hill, the Richies got mad. They're like, you're going to block our view. And they blocked it forever. Plus, even if they was like, all right, I'll do a new one. There'll be'll be no blockage of view i'm gonna put a rooftop garden on there so all you'll see is greenery and flowers um say about that still not it's gonna mess up traffic while you're building he goes yeah it is gonna mess up traffic a little and then he got a deal with

pink dot he goes how about we only enter through the pink dot parking lot and they're like still not yeah that takes years right yeah so then he finally got the okay people were moving out one but we only enter through the pink dot parking lot. And they're like, still not. Yeah, that takes years, right? Yeah, so then he finally got the okay. People were moving out one by one. He was giving deals to people. And he gave you a deal. Gave me a deal.

I got the deal. I think I might have been the last one to get the deal. Ari's always been so smart. I'm just talking like you're not here. But you've always been so, like for a comic, you've always been so smart with money. Well, I knew as soon as I was out of money, I was out of this dream. My amount of money I had was time. So if I had five grand in the bank, that's six months before I had to quit, move back to Maryland, go to paralegal school, whatever it was.

You were never moving back, dude. I would have never let you move back. I don't know. I would have never let you move back. I would have fucking kidnapped you. I would have hired Tate. I would have hired Tate. I would have hired Tate. Have me be your bodyguard.

Well, I knew when we first met. There's certain comics where you meet them when they're really young and you go, dude, all you have to do is just keep going. Just keep going. Yeah. You could do this. There's guys that you go, man, I don't know. Like, there's guys that became, like, super successful.

Like, Sebastian is a really good example. I got to see Sebastian really early in his career and he's a really funny comic man he's really really really funny yeah but he wasn't back then he wasn't and he'll admit it we'll all admit it look i wasn't either when i was young it depends when you see somebody if they're really bad you're like you should maybe quit yeah and like a year or two later you're like oh okay you're starting to get it if you saw me when i was one year in i mean fucking christ you probably would have told me to quit i was terrible i was 21 i was an idiot yeah i didn't know anything about anything in life it's like if i told you what seven times four is you're showing me your math skills i

told you so what's seven times four it's an easy one you're like 11 you're like no you're awful but then you realize like okay maybe you're starting to get this you at least know that you can add those things Yeah, well you have to and then eventually you get experience you have to have life experience I don't have life experience. I didn't even have regular people's life experience That's why all new comics do jokes about not being able to get laid. Yes young fucking uncomfortable people can't get laid So that's most of their experience. I don't want to fuck me and it's like yeah that's how everybody thinks at 24 yeah but when you're a comic and you've been a comic for a long time you see someone who's doing it like they're starting out yeah there was some kid on kill

tony yeah i had a conversation with him afterwards i go dude you're really funny you could really do this like we had this long conversation like how long you been doing this he's like two years i go dude you're really good you could do this i could just keep going just keep you gotta just keep going just gotta keep going they want another secret there's no secrets man just keep going but that's what i knew with you you know argus gave me advice i may have told you this i went through my first rut where like everything was hitting a little worse if it was like an a plus room my jokes that should get an a but we're getting like a b plus and like in a b room they were getting a C. And I'm like, I don't know what's happening here.

These jokes do better. And I asked a bunch of people for advice, and you were like, yeah, you've grown past your material. So you just got to get new material. Freddie was like, do it like a thousand times so you know it so well. It's not a hundred times. But then Argus gave me this advice that he goes, well, maybe comedy's not your thing. And I was like so mad about it. Oh my God.

But the reality is he was talking to some young new guy who was like, I don't know, man, it's not going well. And he's like, then fucking, I can see what his point of view is like, well, then if you don't want to do this, you should get out. Well, Argus has been doing it way longer than me. Yeah. And he was at the store for like. In like the seventies, late seventies.

So like, he's probably so tired of hearing that. Yeah. You know, like, dude, shut up. Dude, shut up. Do it if you want to do it or don't. for like in like the 70s late 70s so like he's probably so tired of hearing that yeah you know like dude shut up do it if you want to do it or don't but you know what man those guys i feel like they do the art form a disservice because i think that people not argus in general like people who don't take time to talk to young comics they think have talent because comics are super fragile in the beginning yeah it's one of the reasons why I was like always like really friendly to Marc Maron for like years Why after before even why we like had some weirdness with each other He gave me advice when I was when I was like really young when I was like 21

And I was just doing open mic nights. Yeah, I did the comedy connection once So here's he gave me advice. He said he goes dude. He goes you're really good. He goes you could do this Just do an open mic nights. Yeah, I did the comedy connection once He goes dude he goes you're really good because you could do this he said He goes just don't listen to all these other people. He goes you're really original you got your own thing You're doing he said just keep writing just keep writing Yeah, and I remember like man was like a successful comic then you know he was like a huge work You know he would like you know there'd be a show They'd be Jackie Flynn mark man like he was on the marquee or the whatever he was on the lineup He was getting paid if you're a new guy looking up to someone anyone like that It's like wow you're doing this for a living that was so important to me

And so I think that when I remember that like back in those days I mean when when someone can come along and just give you just a little nudge, just a little piece of, and then you have to realize- Positive reinforcement. Yeah, we're all the same goddamn thing in this. Yeah. This idea, just because you've been doing it longer, like a guy who's been doing it for like six months, he's a real comic. He's still a comic.

Right. He's a comic. Well, like I said- It doesn't matter that he's broke and poor, he's been doing it for six months. He's you, dude. We're the same thing. We're all trying to write a good dick joke. Yeah, we're not going to pretend you're something different once you're successful. He's been doing it for six months. He's you, dude. We're the same thing. We're all trying to write a good dick joke. We're not going to pretend you're something different once you're successful.

That's ridiculous. That sounds so crazy. All you're trying to do is make people laugh. That's all you're trying to do. That's all they're trying to do. Even if more people want to see you or more people want to see another guy, that's not what matters. What matters is, like,

Russell Peters. perfect example. Russell Peters treats everybody like they're a comic. Yeah. He treats everybody. Young guys just coming up. Yeah, he did with Tony once. He was talking in the front hallway when Tommy was working the cover booth, and he was also the talent coordinator.

And they were just talking in the front. And Russell's like, did you get on yet? And Tony was like, no. He wasn't passed as a paid regular yet. And he goes, no. He wasn't passed. He hasn't paid regularly yet. And he goes, no, I don't really. That's not. You could tell he was already upset about it. But he's like, what do you mean?

You don't get up here? He goes, you know, in the belly room sometimes. And then Russell just turns to Tommy. He goes, hey, man, you should put him up. He's really funny. You kidding? You got to put him up. Well, the guy like Tommy, you could do that.

Yeah, you could overpower. And it's like, yeah, well, why not tell somebody? Like, okay, tell me. I'll email the right, just right then. It's like, hey, dude, this guy's funny. Yeah. What are you doing? I, well, remember when Chris McGuire passed at the store?

Yeah, I love that. And I hosted the whole night. Because you don't understand, Peter Chen was going to host, and he was the worst comic. I still get emails from him sometimes, these new pilots he's made. He was beyond terrible. He was like a foreign. I still get emails from him sometimes of these new pilots he's made. He was beyond terrible. He was like a foreign Asian who had nothing. He had nothing. He was there to exist for Don Barris to fuck with.

He's going to be very upset at you over this. He's going to be very upset at you over this podcast. I got to show you some of these pilots he's made. I watch them every time. He's just trying. He's out there trying. They're like either 38 minutes as a pilot or like four minutes as a pilot. They make no sense.

Oh, they're so great. Duncan thought he was doing a character. So you had to sit next to Mitzi. Oh, yeah. That's where you got people passed. Sit next to them and laugh. So she'd actually watch. That's how I got in.

I got in because of the Todd. The Todd sat there? The Todd hooked me up and he told me he was hooking me up. And he told me you do it to other comics, too. I heard Louie call for this guy that I worked with in San Francisco. And I needed an emcee, and she was like, well, there's a who. I'm like, get somebody good. Please get somebody really good.

But anyway, Louie called the punchline for this guy. Saw him somewhere, and he was like, hey, that guy's funny, so you should help him. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, man, that's important for all of us. We're also fans of it, right? Yeah. I want to be in the audience.

I want to see funny shit. Yeah. I tip dudes now if they do really good. So here's the Ari Secura story. So Ari's living in this fucking apartment, okay? This crazy apartment. It did have a pool. It was fucking sweet.

For the price, it was goddamn sweet. Oh, yeah, dude. You had a good hookup. I mean, it wasn't totally dangerous. You never got robbed. But they wouldn't want to do the repair. Once people started moving out, they didn't want to do any repairs. So it was just like leaves were around.

It looked like the apocalypse had hit. Like walking dead, but they found a place. You had a literal slumlord. Yeah, we had a slumlord. Slumlord. A real one. He would always accuse us of that, too. He was like, dude, do the fucking repair, man. And he's like, are you saying I'm a slumlord slumlord a real one he would always accuse us of that too we're like dude do the fucking repair man and he's like are you saying i'm a slumlord it's like no but yes you are fix the fucking clean the fucking pool look at him he gets so angry because he had

to and he just wouldn't want to do his fucking armenian he may as well have been a jew the worst how dare you dirt was coming out of my my sink once and i'm like dude dirt is coming out of this and he goes that's what happens you haven't used the sink in a while i'm like let me come to your place and see if it happens at your place in malibu wow fuck you frank whoa whoa ari shafir okay so he's living in this apartment and you know there was a point in time where things weren't going that good for you a large point in time yeah like 10 12 years you were you know you were putting in your time and you were trying to figure it out yeah um but what was important during that time was really really really important during that

time is um even though you weren't achieving like great financial success you were doing well on stage yeah i was i was people liked me at my level i was always like one of the better ones i think always doing well and you were you were always working you were always working on new shit you always are trying to get better you're always like tweaking things and you know kind of like we all do we all we all have a real similar style in that like we don't have like a monologue that's prepared and we do the exact same way all the time no store guys can't do that. Yeah.

When it comes time for a showcase for Montreal or Conan or something, we have to just start, we have to go up and go, so is that the store? You ever notice comedy store guys fail at that? When there's eight people in the audience, comedy store people fail. You can't just go right into material. Yeah. They're like, this is not what I'm supposed to do here. I should do crowd work for seven people.

Yeah. So I'm not, yeah, we can't do it. It just seems weird because that place you're so used to, the honesty of that place. It fights contrivance, and then here you are needing to be contrived. So yeah. So go ahead. Sorry to interrupt you. So Ari is doing, you know, he's doing standup at the store.

I started taking you on the road. That's where you found me. Where'd you find me? How'd you find me? At the store. Yeah, but we were friendly and stuff. You were cool. That's where you found me. Where'd you find me? How'd you find me? I mean, at the store. Yeah, but we were friendly and stuff. You were cool. You hung out, you know.

But like, how'd you go from that to like, hey, come open for me once? Because I saw that there was something going on, man. Would you even come by for the open mic? Or maybe it was in the belly room? Dude, I was there all the time. I lived at the store, basically. You know, when I was doing stand-up in the early 90s, from 94 to whatever it was that I stopped going there. I was probably doing late spots.

I was probably already a paid regular. I was doing late, late spots by then. I saw you before you were a paid regular, dude. I saw you way before you were a paid regular. We became friends when you were first starting out there. Really? Yeah, man. You were working there.

You were working there. You were one of the kids working there. We were always cool. We were always talking in the parking lot. Oh, yeah. You used to get me high you had that you had that marijuana soda once before anybody knew what it was it is the days when you couldn't get where you were still at the feet of buddy bolton learning how to fucking free pot game yeah i was buddy bolton was

that his name which guy the guy who first had like the medical marijuana yeah yeah yeah was that his last name bolton buddy bolton i think so it sounds right yeah he was a cool dude what happened i don't know his pictures up in the cellar of those like montage pictures but anyway damn but yeah and it was like you couldn't go to a store and buy it it was just legal if you had this card but it wasn't like you had to be sneaky as fuck and i was uh getting mine from the um this place in um in the hood god really yeah in, um, in the hood. God, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in the hood. I was trying to remember. I kept the card for like the longest time. Englewood was in Englewood, the Englewood wellness center. That's what it's called. And one of the nicest folks that run that place. They were so nice. And, um, when, um, I, I hadn't been there for a while and i was thinking about man i should go

down there and buy some from them just to give them some love because they're really nice guys but one of the guys got shot really yeah one of the guys got robbed there at gunpoint and shot in the stomach fuck yeah and he lived but i'm like whoa what am i doing they got they got robbed because they had a lot of money on hand, cash, because they were taking everything in cash. And most of them didn't have credit cards until, like, fairly recently. Right, right, right. All the dispensaries were cash. So they were selling weed, and everybody knew they were selling weed, and so they got robbed, and he got shot.

It's hard to talk about that, man. Damn, it sucks. Because they were such gentle people. If you knew these guys— But people saw them, and they're like, we can take advantage of this this if you knew the dude who got shot he was such a gentle guy he just is such a this like a sweetheart like what you think of as a classic like older stoner like hey man how you doing man good to see you brother good to see you give me a hug man how are you man you're like everything cool always friendly always like positive and they

would laugh and laugh and crack jokes and just talk about weed talk about life and all kinds of shit and this guy got shot selling weed damn oh so i stopped going there but yeah but the breed you brought around was fucking tremendous those guys hooked it up back in the day. I mean, this is like 99 or something like that. What year was that? No, I started in 99, so this is 2000, 2001. Yeah, somewhere around there makes sense, because that's around when I started hanging out with Eddie Bravo. He corrupted me. He corrupted me, and I corrupted you.

I called you. I referred to Rogan as El Diablo for about seven months. Because I'd be at the front. I'd be at the front. It'd be 1.45 in the morning. I'd put away all the chairs. I'm just sitting in the front chair looking out at sunset so high and just thinking, get out of me. Get out of me.

And it wouldn't leave. Dude, we had some fun. We did shows where we were so high we should definitely not have been talking to people anybody but they went great man you just got to kind of i wouldn't get high in those days on stage i would just get high to be around you got high and went on stage a bunch of times though back then later yeah the one in boston there was that one in boston that was the first time that was the first time that was the first time rogan refused to let me not get high. He goes, hey, let's get high. We were going. The hotel was like across the street.

Yeah. And we were like, I was up there. I'm like, come on, man. We got to go. We got to go. And he's like, all right, quick, get high first. I was like, what? I'm going to be on stage in fucking 18 minutes.

And you were like, nah, who cares? I'm like, no, I won't be able to be good. He goes, who do you think you work for? You think you work for this 480 seat room? Or you think you work for me? And I was like, yeah, I guess you. And he goes, I don't room or you think you work for me and I was like yeah I guess you he goes I don't care if you fail so fucking get high what was important to me to tell you is that you can't get fired right that's what it was get fired just go have nothing bad

yeah you can't you can't get fired yeah you're learning how to do this you'd only been doing it a couple years you're writing jokes you're trying to shit out I'm like just go up there and have some fun be you but I was not how the tolerance that you were at and i could only be me in the second show by the second show i got out of the first show i was gone fire on the second show though you were on fire yeah i remember that because you had gotten into this like crazy place where you like when you get high there's this point in the beginning where you're like, it's dangerous. The danger zone. I'm skiing. That'll make you.

Yeah, exactly. You're skiing. You're going down a mountain. You're fucking not sure you can stop. Yeah. And that's what makes you leave parties early. You got to overcome the danger zone. And then it takes you into what?

Then you get into this introspective, really articulate zone. You get into an area where you're more articulate than you are when you're not cool i think it's over the over the top of the mountain so then you're like okay i know that's as high as i was going to get yeah now i'm coasting now i'm coasting i'm not scared anymore yeah yeah that's exactly what it is you get to this weird point where you're you're you're kind of you're you're comfortable with the state and then you can kind of relax. And also, the effects of THC have diminished. They'll diminish over an hour. Yeah, but for you, that first part is 30 minutes.

For me, it was two and a half hours. Sometimes it's longer than that, man. Sometimes you're high the next day. Oh, yeah. If you eat a cookie or something like that, you could easily be high the next day. My friend Aaron got me high in college on Kind Bud. Do you have Kind Bud when you were? That's just not real.

What does that mean? Wait, hold on. What did Kind Bud mean? It just means a good pot. That's all it meant, which is good? That's it. It's just pot, man. There was Kind Bud and there was swag.

I'm going to have Todd McCormick come on and explain all of this. He could be the guy. He's coming on soon anyway. He'll come on. He's doing some giant weed expo in LA. Really? He's going to promote, yeah. But he could tell you the actual history.

Like, he's an actual historian. God, bud, bro. We're just guessing. Yeah. He actually grows it. I wonder if that meant sativa or indica, or if it just meant good or bad. I think it just means good weed. I think there's whack weed. There's Mexican dirt weed.

There's shitty weed. Tie stick. Yeah. But it's all weed. But he gave me some, and I played golf with my aunt the next day. And by hole five, I was just coming down. I realized when we were hitting the guard, and she's a conservative person. Her husband's a lawyer, and it's conservative.

So once I realized I was high, high i was like keep your mouth shut dude but if you get that wave right like the other night aubrey and i were playing pool and um i don't really play that much anymore man i don't get a chance i don't play in tournaments anymore i don't get a chance to play too many like sometimes dom arrear and i will get together or greg fitzsimmons plays pretty good we'll get together you play pretty good and we'll get together and knock some balls around but i'm not like playing like real players like in tournaments or anything anymore and so every but every now and then like you get high and you remember what to do you remember how to do it the other day i got in the zone real quick i got in the zone for like five six shots in a row i started

like i started running out like this table i said getting out over and over and six shots in a row, I started running out like this table. I started getting out over and over and over again in a way that I really shouldn't be able to do because I'm really not practicing that much. But I just got into this zone. It was very temporary. I couldn't hold it, but I knew it was all the weed. I knew it. I know how to play pool a little bit, but I'm in this crazy sensitive zone where I know how to control that ball better. It's two ways it can hit you. I do it on basketball, and sometimes in basketball, it's like someone will throw you a pass,

and while it's in the air, you go, okay, what are my options here when this ball gets to me? I got him cutting. I could pass to him. I could shoot. I could pass it back. And it's like, all right, I'm ready. I think I'm ready.

And then the ball comes to you. Other times, that ball just hits you in the face. You're like, oh. Sorry, guys. Everyone's like, why are you playing high? It's so true. Yeah. It's so true.

That's the same with jiu-jitsu as well. Oh, yeah, absolutely. People love smoking pot and doing jiu-jitsu too because I think it makes you focus. It slows down, yeah. Yeah, it makes you focus on what you're doing

rather than being uncomfortable with what you're doing. It lets you really just be in the moment in some strange way. That's counterintuitive for people who don't smoke pot. It couldn't help you. Yeah. It's also like what we would do when we were doing that and we'd get really high and go on stage. What we were doing was I was like, I know that when we get really high and we sit around talk we have some of the coolest funnier things yeah it's funner to riff on that yeah when you're high yeah don't matter sets the comedy store are good

when you're high where it's like let me just say a joke and then you just think of something ridiculous on top of it like you talk about fucking flying giraffe pussy people yeah it's like those don't come out unless you're stoned yeah so once in a while you need that but if you're doing a showcase if you're like here's the exact set i want to run then it's not the greatest thing in the world to do yeah well yeah sometimes it's not right it's easy asking before he takes his special a couple years ago he was like hey what what do you do for weed i was was like, I smoke like two hours before, hour and a half before, you know?

Yeah, let it taper off. Yeah, don't risk having it too high that time, but yeah, I think that works. It's danger. It could be danger, but if you get past that and you get to that calm spot, then you really... Yeah, it's golden. Yeah, man.

And that's where a lot of comedy comes from. We just sold a really bad bill of goods in this country when it comes to marijuana. And it's just automatically associated with people that are lazy, automatically associated with people that are dumb. Yeah, I smoke more than ever. Yeah. I have two specials and a show this year. It's only the first quarter. It's not bad.

It makes you more aware. It makes you more sensitive. And that also brings the paranoia. But I knew that, like, you know, if you just got used to doing it, you would love it. Oh, yeah. Fucking around. Yeah, especially when you're fucking around on stage. Do you ever go back and apologize to the people you shit on for smoking pot?

I shit on them for who they were. Yeah, I wonder. Well, it was people that were already, like, failing. That was the problem. The people that I knew that were smoking pot all the time weren't doing anything with their lives. I didn't know anybody that was like that. What did you say to Joey Diaz, Ralphie, people like that,

people that were smoking around the store? Were there pot smokers back then? Well, I definitely didn't smoke pot when I first met Joey because when Joey used to hang around the set of news radio. There's no time he did not smoke pot. No, he definitely smoked pot, but he ramped it up quite a bit. I mean, he really ramped it up quite a bit when it became more and more available in the 90s,

the late 90s and the early 2000s, like right when I started smoking. He had already ramped it up. He was ramping it up like he was getting fucking cookies from people back then. And he quit the Coke. Not't think i don't think so i think it was it was much later oh really yeah i was we were good friends during the coke days yeah joey and i were real good friends during the coke days and it happened it happened like consecutively with the death of my friend johnny oh yeah yeah. Who also had a Coke thing. So I knew the Coke thing.

I knew what it was like to be around those guys. So it wasn't the same time? No, no. It was, you know, Joey was high long before then. And then the Coke thing went like, he went back and forth like into the time where I was already smoking weed. I remember Joey in some city

boston philly something like that we're all driving to a gig we saw these like 18 year old kids like walking in front of our car to the show they're wearing like you know flying monkey whatever you call it what is it talking about higher primate shirts yeah stuff like that and i was like oh they're going to the show and then as they passed onto the driver's side diaz like honk honk and they honk and they turn they see diaz like whoa they're going to the show. And then as they passed onto the driver's side, Diaz honked, honked. And they honked, and they turned. They see Diaz like, whoa, we're going to the show right now. And he's like, we got these cookies. He just grabs one and he just throws it in his mouth.

And they're like, oh, my God. And then we just drove off. For those kids, that's probably one of the coolest things ever. Joey Diaz, man. He was another one. When I first met him and I started, uh, hanging out with him, you know, I immediately, we, we started, we started working together. I think Joey and I did sets in the nineties, man. Really? For real? Yeah, we did. We did like, I think we did rascals in New York, in New Jersey, rather. I think we did that shit in the, like the late nineties. We started going on the road together. Like whenever he came to town, whenever it was, I was taking going on the road together like whenever he came to town whenever it was i was taking him on the road you liked him loved him i loved him i i just knew that this guy i knew like if everybody could see this guy the way i see this guy yeah like to me he's just he was just a joy that's cool he was just this guy who would come around he would freak people out

because he was really big back then he looked like a football player He was probably like two hundred and thirty. Oh really 240 maybe we're near that well He was I don't I don't know I don't even want to guess how cuz Joey's a big guy Joey's about You know six feet tall and he's very wide. You know he's got that thick like Cuban build he's a thick fucker like before he was overweight crammed in like a Cuban sandwich Yeah, so and then he had a dangerous air about him. He was like a dangerous dude. Yeah, he just left the life Yeah, I mean he had been in prison just a few years prior And because I spent so much time hanging around pool halls when I lived in New Jersey and you know you are rather I am I like those guys you got drawn to him from that those guys are fun, right?

Like they're fun guys to hang around with those guys. You got drawn to them from that. Those guys are fun. Right. They're fun guys to hang around with. Those guys were laughing at shit, and they were always the guys. I mean, there was always trouble. I've been around Joey snapping at dudes, and where I was worried he might hit somebody with a bottle. Joey gets fucking crazy. I saw my friend Johnny, my friend Johnny who reminds me of Joey. I saw him hit this guy in the head with a coffee mug. Fuck his head up. Yeah, he grabbed a coffee, but they got in some fight.

It was like, oh, to be around that kind of shit, man. You got to know the guy. Joey was, like, he kept it together better than Johnny did. Joey was smarter in some ways, like socially. Or aware of, you know, how he's coming off. Joey just, you know, he's just a wild motherfucker that lived a wild life but he's i knew that he was like this great guy you know i was like this guy's like something he's so special yeah like he's like one of my favorite human beings of all time because he's just so genuinely him you know joey's doesn't have any airs about him he's not he's not

trying to pretend to be anybody no you're right he totally is not trying to be anything else he figured out how to do it on stage. Yeah. He was always the best at that, at being the exact same offstage and onstage. Yeah. He was the best at that, where there was really no difference between those two characters. Yeah. So we started going on the road together, like, right away.

I used to have a hard time following him, too, man. There was a bunch of times at the beginning I realized, like, wow, this is, I was like, I thought this is good. I got to ramp it up. But I'm like, man, I can't half ass going on after this guy. He's so strong. He's so strong.

He would go on the headliner killer. He would. Yeah. Oh my God. People would tell me, you know, like what's wrong with you? Like,

why are you taking Joe Diaz on the road with you? Like, do you want to follow that guy? They would call him to teach people a lesson in towns. They would. Like, we're going to have Joey feature for you. That's what they did to fucking Kevin Meaney in Miami.

Kevin Meaney at the Miami Improv. He's like this prick. He's giving me a hard time. I'm going to fucking book Diaz right in front of him. The guy who ran the place was nuts, and he was Joey's friend. And they were all doing the Colombian marching powder together. And they sat that weekend up. So Joey Diaz goes on in a Cuban room, okay?

You're in Miami all cuban half of his act. He doesn't Spanish okay. I'm not kidding I'm not fucking kidding, and I mean he's one man show in Spanish You could have lit everyone in that room on fire and kicked them in the balls, and they would still be laughing He was he was crushing in a way That's like biblical like you don't crushing in a way that's like biblical. Like you don't get to see that. It's like these moments that happen. They never get captured on film.

It's like a 10 o'clock show on a Friday night in Miami. And he's crushing in a way like you've got to step out of the room for a while just to catch your breath. You know, you've got to watch it with the door half open so you can wheeze and breathe. And then they threw Kevin Meaney on after him. Just like, fuck you. We're big pants people.

We have big pants. He's used to killing. Yeah. And it's not. And Meaney's a funny guy. He's a really funny guy. That's funny. So back to my billboards.

So anyway, I knew even way, way, way, way back then, you know, when you first started out, I knew just talking to you, I'm like, this is a smart dude. Smart dude. You're funny. You're capable of making really good jokes sometimes. Like all you have to do is just keep going. I just knew that. And so to be your friend through this whole thing and to see you from, you know, your baby steps and stand up and trying to figure it out.

All the years you tried to get past the store You know that opening to your podcast when you talked about your Comedy Central special Which is called pay regular Which is um so it's so it's such a good special, but it's so strong like what you did Because for the longest time you could you weren't getting past the paid regular. It was the biggest fucking hurdle I had to get over. It took a long time. It was way easier for me.

I got in pretty quick because of the Todd. And because I was already headlined. Yeah, and you came in as a developed guy. I started there. I was, you know, I was still, I sucked. But I was, I had some shit. I had some shit that would occasionally kill. I just hadn't figured out how to put it all together yet

But the store is where I learned how to put it all together. Oh really? Yeah, man. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah I learned dude going on after Martin Lawrence in the main room on a fucking Saturday night when he was when he was doing those What he was doing those concert movies is in the movies on his shirt. Yeah Dude, I followed leather. followed the leather jumpsuit on I can't even say I ate it because this is there was no reaction you know be really oh god it was just death that's the coolest thing it's like headline it shows over like no there's gonna be four more young comics on we're just learning how to do comedy it's the worst environment yeah I mean I guess I ate it but it is just not good enough word ate it like when you eat it you can eat it and you worst environment yeah i mean i guess i ate it but eight is just not good enough word

ate it like when you eat it you can eat it and you can still kind of like half acid here and there oh it's way worse than ate it i ate just i just there was no breathing there's no air in there if an f is a 55 58 you know i got a 12 yeah it's like it's beyond F. I've just fucking rotted up there. And I did that all the time. I did that after Dice. I used to do that after anyone that was any good. I did it after Damon Wayans. I did it after, that's what Mitzi would do.

She would just shove you on. And so I learned there. And when you started coming up, I just saw, I just knew it. I just knew it. I'm like, you could do it. Yeah, you would come hang out at the employee time, too. You came to that time where all the employees would do each other's jokes. You had to, like, pick out of a hat, you get this guy's joke.

That was fun. Yeah, and everyone did one. You were, like, you were making fun of, like, certain people, like, I've never seen this material that funny. But you knew the other guys doing it. Like, you came from the employee time a lot yeah well it's like i said you know we all think this now yeah we all sort of share this this idea now that we're all just comics you know and that's the beautiful thing about the store is that this is fraternity where there's guys that are part of it that are really just starting out man and there's other guys that have been around it for like russell that's the cool thing that's

at the store you have these door guys who are Russell Peters. Well, that's the cool thing. At the store, you have these door guys who are like a lot of people that are like major professionals now were also door guys there. You know, work the booth, work the phone. So it's not like,

excuse me, employee. It's like, oh, excuse me, someone who was just like this friend of mine. Caparulo was a door guy. I was a door guy, Renesisi, you know, from the league.

These are people that like started fucking mopping up vomit. Yeah. So when you see the new fucking mopping up vomit. Yeah. So when you see the new guys mopping up vomit, and I see them now fucking around with Don Barris late at night and really growing for the first time. Dude, we passed this kid on the way back. Who was with us? Did you go?

No. Oh, Red Band. We were coming back from the Standard. We read Red Band and Pete. And this guy just left the store. And I was late. And I goes, I saw boobs. Like, what? Like, the girl and I was late and I goes I saw boobs like what like the girl

took her boobs out I felt them like where it's like just now was in the back and he got this girl and then I remember like it's the degenerating of these and so it was you start with like as a beautiful pure kid you let you're met with this awful degeneracy

like who are these people what are they doing? The drugs and the fucking and the different depravity. The dark side. And then you just get changed. I remember some waitress, May, some really beautiful Latino, real thin and real pure look. And I was seating the open micers and someone was yelling. I was like, shut the fuck up or I'll kick you out.

No more warnings. And she just goes, you've changed. And it it does it changes all of them this kid had never felt a boob before the idea that he could feel some girls tits when people are watching and laughing so it just it makes you a comic the darkness of the room yeah dragged you into it it drags you into hell it invites you in and then says I'll give you the option Do you want to take the pill do you want to leave well? It also liked I think there was echoes of the 80s what Sam Kinison did to that place Back in the crazy wild coke days when he was the number one comic in the world

And you know everybody would come to see his shows and you do these midnight spots And yeah, you know those days like that craziness of that time all those crazy fucked up people and their drugs, the echoes were still running through that building. Yeah, you're right. People were still returning, and then it would beget more people returning. That's just an excuse to use the word beget. I don't think it was the right time to throw it out there. First time I heard beget was...

Sorry, go ahead. No, it's not beget, it's embiggens. Embiggens, it's from The Simette was... Sorry, go ahead. No, it's not baguette. It's in Biggins. In Biggins. It's from The Simpsons. Anyway, go ahead. So you went through this long development period, and you did it mostly at the store and then on the road when we would do gigs together.

You saw the whole thing from the beginning. That road stuff was super instrumental, being able to spread my wings and be like, oh, okay, here's what it is. Here's what I've been learning for. It's not just sparring. Yeah, yeah. That's something I never got from anybody else. Really?

No. I never really had that opportunity to have someone take me with me. And you can see what better comedy is on a night-to-night basis and see beyond just what your jokes are, then how you're doing them. And, you know, when you go after Heckler, when you don't. And that was the best thing about learning at the store, too. You see these great comics. You see Paul Mooney command a stage. And you're like, oh, how does he do that?

You don't get to just watch once. You get to watch 45 times in three months. Yeah. And you start to understand it. To work there like you did, it's an unbelievable education. I mean, that's what happened with Eleanor. I mean, Ele mean eleanor kerrigan our friend who was a waitress there forever she wasn't a comic but she was hilarious and she was also a great judge of talent like some dude was in from out of town and i would go how is he and she'd be like yeah she saw so much yeah yeah

she would know like she would nail it you Or she would go, he's fucking funny. You've got to watch this guy. He's fucking funny. And if Eleanor told me that, I was sitting down. Right. I'm like, great, this guy's going to be really good. Let's see what's up. Yeah, she would call, like, managers and agents and tell them, like, yeah, this person's for real.

She's awesome. So nice to see her doing stand-up. But, so, you went through all this struggle. And then over the last few years everything is fucking taken off you have a Comedy Central specials you sold your last special kind of errors this Friday it is this Friday at midnight on Comedy Central Midnight Eastern I think 11 and 10 other time zones and you can buy it right now There's a banner should be up really soon right now at already the great calm You can get it for pay what you want.

I'm doing pay what you want. Pay what you want. I think they're saying you gotta do a dollar. That's glorious. Because it's their system. But fuck it. I love it. Yeah.

So all this has happened over the last few years. Yes. And you get this Comedy Central show. The show that you're on. The show that I'm on. On Thursday. Thursday night. This is not happening.

And there's a billboard. This is not Ari's idea. He didn't ask for this. There's a billboard above his old fucking apartment. And the billboard above your old fucking apartment is that this is not happening with you. I mean, this is America, bro. A giant picture of me. Fuck an eagle. this is America, bro. A giant picture of me. Fuck an eagle.

Yeah. This is America. What you are in that picture. Go to my Instagram. Look at that picture. Because you can see the window of my old apartment. Look at that picture. That's one of my favorite pictures of all time.

Look at that fucking picture, man. You're so happy. You did it. That is, that's officially you did it was that last night jamie no oh i mean if you go off the wall crazy and uh jump off a fucking building yeah i had a billboard in my you did it yeah it's pretty i don't know i'm getting so much people are so much more excited about this than the show or the special well the show's awesome you know show's awesome it's great but there's something so nutty about the visual of that billboard above your old apartment.

The fact that it's right there is so goddamn crazy. That's your fucking apartment. Look at that, where my head is sticking out. That's my bedroom window. This is insane. This is like some real weird simulation shit thing. That's so fucking weird. It's amazing. Yeah, think in a movie you'd be like no fucking way i've never been happier for someone else thanks that then watching this happen to you i've never been happier

it's it's amazing to see dude it's so cool it's so fucking fucking cool it's wild just that doesn't even seem like, like, again, if that was in a movie, you'd be like, come on. They put a fucking billboard right next to the apartment. You'd be like, no way, man.

Come on, make it down the street. That would still be something. Yeah, and there would be like a conspiracy theory. Oh, he fucking, of course he told them he wanted the billboard above his old apartment.

No. Nobody believed. It's the Comedy Central billboard. They bought it like five years ago. Yeah. And they've been putting stuff up there. By the way, you lived there way before that.

Oh yeah, way before that. Exactly. Nothing to do with that. But man, it sucked also walking under it going like, fuck,

Kroll Show billboard. I wish, maybe I could get one one day. Yeah. That's hard, man. But listen, everyone's listening right now. Set your DVRs for 12,

there's two episodes left of This Is Not Happening, 1230 on Thursday nights. Rogan's on this one and you can see his clip on listening right now. Set your DVRs for 12. There's two episodes left of This Is Not Happening, 1230 on Thursday nights. Rogan's on this one, and you can see his clip on YouTube right now. And set your DVR for passive-aggressive on Friday at midnight, because if everybody watches it and DVRs it the first time, they'll run it a bunch more. So that first time is really important. How much do they know about DVRs? They get the info.

They get the info when people are recording it? Wow, that's interesting. So all you freaks out there with weird shit know about DVRs? They get the info. They get the info when people record it? Wow, that's interesting. So all you freaks out there with weird shit on your DVR. They're playing my other one a lot more now because everybody fucking watched it. Thank you guys for fucking watching and DVRing it. Once that first one comes in, then they're super happy with it. So I wonder if you have something on your DVR and you play it more than once, if they know you're playing it more than once.

I don't know if it means if you watch it for them to register or just DVR it Yeah, everyone right now help me out just DVR both those things right now What if we found out that if you teach DVR and watch it that that just runs up the number and then we get these Chinese people with it Yeah, you just have you know, it's just gigantic rooms It would be helpful because they wouldn't know what it and DVRs and just tell them to keep press repeat, press play. And you just have this giant bank of people

making like five cents an hour. All these Chinese people. And they're like, you know, we can program something for you. Like, no, shut up, work. These mining DVR hits. And it just shows Ari Shafir, the number one television show

in human history. Everyone with a DVR watches it. They just scientifically shown. Like, what? Yeah, just keep hitting it. Run his giant factory, Ari Shaffir's sweatshop. I wonder how it works. So I didn't know if they knew how to check if people recorded it.

They do get the numbers, like a few days. They get the first numbers and they get the second numbers. What are the numbers like for, like, satellite TV? Can they tell how many people are watching what shows and when? And people have an issue with that, right? People don't want to get labeled. They don't want to... Yeah, so I watch Fox News 23 hours a day.

It doesn't mean I want to kill the president. Right, they don't want to get labeled. But here's the problem. So I fucking signed into my... Something through a server or something, and my thinks i'm mexican now what yeah all the commercials are in spanish it's always offering me fucking tacos pickup trucks tacos all that shit bro it totally thinks about not not like i'm joking he thinks on spanish it thinks i live in mexico what yeah or spain or something it's only giving me fucking spanish commercials there's

probably a preference settings, isn't there? Sobado Gigante, Mira Saturday Night. I'm getting ads for that all the time. After this is over, young Jamie will sort that. Yeah, maybe. We got to log in. He'll find out what the fuck is up with it. I'm sure there's something you just missed in your stone stupor.

It's been cool, though, man. People show up to my shows now, and they're like, I saw the show, or I saw your stand-up, instead of like, you know. And it's nice when people know me from podcasts or The Amazing Race. It's nice, too. But it's like, that's like, oh, that's what I do. Yeah. That's what I want you to see me from.

Yeah. From my stand-up, from preparing and developing material. Yeah. And they like it. Yeah. Yeah. They just have to know. That's a big thing that's going on right now.

It's like, you just have to know about someone. Like sometimes people. Get the chance to watch. Yeah. There's really funny guys. You just don't know about it. But if people knew about it, it's not that the product's not there. It's just that.

You don't know about it. It's awkward to figure out the delivery device. Do you remember the first time when you were a 14-year-old? The first time you found out about Saturday Night Live? And you were like. Because it's made for 14 to 23 year olds, but at the time it was really great. And you're like, I didn't know TV could be this funny.

This out there. This is amazing. But it was just as good the week before you knew about it. You just hadn't been made aware. And it's this thing you would have loved if you just gave it a chance or just turned it on or just had your mom be out of town so you could stay up late. Like you find out about a new band or something.

And then you go back and listen to their old stuff. Yeah. Yeah. There's always going to be something like that. But that's with stand-up comedy. I think it's kind of important for everybody that's involved in it to keep helping and supporting young comics. Keep encouraging young comics. Because one of the reasons why stand-up is in a really good place right now is a lot of people to go to comedy clubs and

Shows are being real successful. It's just so many funny guys, right? That's what it is It's not that you don't you don't want to be the only one person doing it. No you want to get a full good show Well, you also want a giant industry you want a giant more people go see how they enjoy it It's fun for us. Look, Carrot Top never hurt comedy. No.

Carrot Top is not my taste, although, I'll be honest, Carrot Top is my taste. It's so fucking silly and dumb.

It's funny. Yeah. I don't mind Carrot Top at all, but whenever we're shitting on Carrot Top, at least it means people are going out

to see comedy and they're like, oh, stand-up is funny and then maybe they'll discover the stuff they're really into.

It's way more specific to them. Or maybe that's like their speed. Exactly. They like Carrot Top which is funny. And then maybe they'll discover the stuff they're really into. Yeah. It's way more specific to them. Or maybe that's like their speed. Exactly. They like character. And then fucking go for it. Which is funny, too. Yeah.

I think that it's super important that we encourage more people to do it as much as possible. Yeah, there's way more regulars at clubs now on the road. Yeah. See people that go like four, five, ten times a year to a comedy club. It's a good date. And it's like a movie. And it's better and more real than a movie. If you know.

Go see Segura and Christina and Fulcheron and it's better and more real than a movie. Yeah. If you know. Go see Segura and Christina and Fulcheron and me and you and fucking keep, you know. If you know that someone that you really think is funny

is going to be in town, that's going to be a great time. I used to get, my friend from D.C., Avi Lerner, used to ask me, D.C. improv lineup.

He'd look at it and be like, is there anybody I should see or shouldn't see? He's like, it's time to go out to it and be on a good date, you know. And so you'd be like, oh, anybody I should see? I shouldn't see. He's like, it's time to go out to a good date, you know? Until you'd be like, oh, avoid that guy.

He's super hacky. I don't know what these two. And that guy's actually pretty good. He's like, cool. Yeah. You just want to know who the good ones are. Yeah, that's the thing. Because we all know ones that you're stuck listening to some crazy contrived.

Yeah, and you're like, oh, I got to get out of here. Or like, if you're not into those hypnotists, and you go to the hypnotist week, and you're like, i gotta get out of here or like if you're not into those hypnotists and you go to the hypnotist week and you're like fuck why did i go to this yeah i just think it's one of those art forms that needs uh help from the people that do it and i think the more the people that do it help the more more people do it like i mean i'm meeting dudes on the road all the time now that started doing open mic nights. Weird, huh? Yeah.

That's why it's so weird when Dane Cook says people, like, comics stole his essence. And it's like, no, Dane, you were a super influential comic. Stephen Wright was the same way. You brought physical comedy into the mainstream. But people started doing it more. Bob Nelson was the last big physical comic. I don't know. And then all these guys were watching comedy

when they were 14, 15 years old and now it's been 10, 12 years and they're doing comedy and you're one of the guys they watch coming up. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, of course, they got into it because of you. You can't say that.

And you watched Jim Carrey. Yeah, you watched Jim Carrey. So it's like... You can't, you, everyone, you know, there's that weird line when someone is influenced and when someone is imitating. Yeah. And that's the weird line. Yeah.

It's like we're all influencing each other. And we're all influenced by Pryor. Everyone's influenced by Steve Martin. But you know what? Ozzy said he was influenced by the Beatles. Yeah. And when you look at that, you're like, no way. But like there's something in there that probably, you know, that you can't.

It's not a straight copy copy so you wouldn't think that yeah it doesn't have to be a copy influence means it moves you in a certain way I'm influenced by music a lot of songs influence me they don't influence my words they don't influence my comedy but they influence

my thinking musicians the way they handle it too live music that's why I do a different tour shit every year, because of Iron Maiden. Oh, shit. Iron Maiden did that, and I was like, interesting. I like the way they close strong. You know, you can see the fucking, I don't know, the way that, you know, certain great bands, you're like, oh, that was a good concert. Yeah.

I want to mimic that. Yeah. Fuck yeah, man. The few times that I've gone see uh honey honey live yeah like i love watching talent like ben and suzanne from honey honey they're so goddamn talented they're so her voice is just ridiculously good i gotta see them i think they're gonna be at some festival i'm playing yeah they're we're they're in town right now we're bouncing phone calls back and forth with each other i gotta get to get together with those guys. They're really nice.

And they're just stupid talented in a way that I don't understand. I don't understand music talent. I can't sing. So when I hear someone sing, I'm like, whoa, that is crazy. What is she doing with her voice? Oh, yeah. But also, what makes someone command a stage? You can have Muse has this giant light show and everything. It's that I get.

Flaming Lips has all this confetti and shit. And that I get. But if it's just the people that are just playing the music, and some kill it and some don't, it's like, what's the difference? Yeah. There's a band, Nico Vega, and we saw her during the Sunset Ship Festival once,

and it was like, oh my God. She's playing one of the, they were playing one of the inside stages instead of one of the giant ones. And it's like, she's blowing it out of the water. And it's like, how? What are they doing? Just jumping up around a lot like half of it all you gotta do is really love what you're doing yeah that's half of it there's definitely that's a big part smashing pumpkins are garbage now billy corgan's the only one left in the band he hires

an asian bassist to look like jimmy eha whatever his name is a female guitarist to look like the old and then they just play all their old songs at double speed because he fucking hates them now look like Jimmy Eha, whatever his name is. A female guitarist to look like the old... And then they play all their old songs at double speed because he fucking hates them now. He plays only his new stuff regular speed. He changes lyrics. He's all Jesused out now. What? God is empty, just like you.

Really? Yeah. What happened? He cleared out the fucking... In Columbus. He cleared that place. He was headlining a festival day. Bush killed it during the day. It ain't about being old. And then people just, by the time I was like, all right, we can leave. It was half empty, the place.

Courtney Love. Courtney Love wrecked him. Ruined him. I don't know. He just doesn't want to play his music. Hit him with that super pussy. Gotta love what you're doing. Hit him with super pussy.

Yeah, she must have been good pussy. She stole his soul. Courtney Love must have been. Of course. She probably still is. People got sprung over her. Dude, I'll tell you what, man. I don't know what influence he had over those whole songs.

Yeah. But some of those songs were fucking good. Doll Parts was amazing. Yes. Doll Parts was a very good song. And the next album after that, after the one on Doll Parts, which is Peace of Me, I forget. But the next one after that about the stolen water of LA or whatever it was, that was a good album. And I think that might have been the Billy Corgan album.

I don't know, man. Whoever the fuck was involved, they had some really good fucking songs. Yeah. Right, it doesn't matter who she got it from. She got it. Whatever, yeah, whoever, whatever the collaboration was. But he was involved in some point in time. It's sad to see that he's losing his fucking marbles.

I was trying to get her for my storyteller show. Whoa. We wanted to put a musician on it. I was like, that wouldn't be bad. I bet she'd have a good story or two. Yeah, for sure. Going nuts. Or 20.

Or 20. There's people that accuse her. They make documentaries accusing her of killing her husband. Imagine that. Imagine if your husband committed suicide and there's people making documentaries. About how you killed him. Accusing you of killing him when you know you didn't kill him. Jesus Christ.

Can't you imagine going through life like that? Yeah. Some wacky conspiracy theory. Shut up already. I've said how it's, I was somewhere else. You know, or could you imagine if you actually did kill him? Well, she killed him. Yeah, that's what everybody thinks.

We're doing it too. That's so evil. You know, but could you imagine if she actually did kill him? Yeah, that's what everybody thinks. We're doing it too. That's so evil. You know, but fuck, man. To accuse someone of something like that is so evil. I heard that he dropped his baby. And that sent him, like he was already depressed and heroin-ed out. And then dropping your baby on heroin is like, oh, I'm a piece of shit. Oh, my God.

And then just like blew it off. Oh, my God. That sounds like a good story. That's like one of those headless horsemen type stories. I heard. I heard. That there's a place where you could go. Who'd you hear that from?

He was alone. What do you mean? It's midnight in October. And you look up and it's a full moon. You'll see the headless horsemen. It's true, bro. Dude, my uncle saw it, bro. When we were in Utah, we talked to these guys that told us that they saw a bulletproof wolf

that appeared out of mist. Really? Mm-hmm. Guys had shot at it, and that's how they knew it a bulletproof wolf that appeared out of mist. Really? Mm-hmm. Guys had shot at it, and that's how they knew it was bulletproof. Because they always hit. These motherfuckers are shooting at imaginary wolves in the middle of Utah. How good is their meth? Wow.

That's some strong meth. That was snow, Merle. That was just snow. That's some strong meth along with some loneliness. You ever want to know what meth feels like? Yeah. And what heroin feels like? Yeah.

God. And coke. I want to know what all feels like? Yeah. And what heroin feels like? Yeah. God. And coke. I want to know what all that shit feels like. Yeah. I just don't want to do it. And have the ill effects of it. Yeah. I'm not interested in opiates for sure.

For sure. That's a frightening. I want to take opium and an opium den. Whoa. That's what killed John Wayne. No, it wasn't John Wayne. Who? One of those fucking outlaws like Wild Bill Hitchcock or something like that.

They killed him in an opium den? Yeah, well, he just fucked him up. He became an opium addict. Was it him or was it... Who was the guy? Buggy Siegel? Kevin... Wyatt Earp.

I think it was Wyatt Earp. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I've heard that. Yeah. I think a lot of those... And Doc Holliday was a dentist who gave him the opium. Oh, my goodness. A lot of those dudes would visit those.

They had the Chinese people who helped build the railroads or basically built the railroads. Probably, man. You steal a bunch of gold. You got a bunch of gold. Of course you can get into drugs. They would set up these opium dens. They probably weren't even illegal back then. They probably were not illegal.

Yeah. Probably people didn't have the kind of laws they have now. Yeah, Wild West. Pop wasn't illegal until the 1930s, and psychedelics weren't illegal until 1970. And they used to give cocaine, like it used to be in Coca-Cola. Yeah, can you imagine if you come across some Native Americans? You're in the Wild West. We're talking about 1810 or something.

Yeah. And they're not violent. They take you in. They take you to their tent, and they want to show you their ways, and they feed you, and they give you this pipe, and you're like, oh, that's this crazy. That's the peace pipe. That's got the crazy smoke. There's shit in it.

Yeah. Can you imagine? Are there cops around? Is there a sheriff here? Because he's going to throw me in jail for this. I don't think they smoked opium. I think the peace pipe was tobacco. Oh, really?

Just tobacco? I thought that was tobacco oh really just tobacco i thought that was marijuana i don't think so man when did where i want to start i think marijuana i don't i mean they probably used it if they knew about it if they had found it but i think they used tobacco a lot as well oh wild tobacco and that would get you high yeah tobacco gets you in a weird way i mean that's why guys like smoking cigars find out what the fuck is in the peace pipe there Jamie It's got to be some edge, but I don't think it's me smoke them to peace pipe. No. I don't think it's over I thought it's marijuana. Yeah, because opium is not grown in the United States. I don't think you can I think it's got to be like South America. Oh really? Yeah, I don't think you can grow it here

I think you grow in Afghanistan, and I think you can grow it in some climates in South America or something like that. I have no idea what it is. It's one of those things like, how the fuck can they not grow cocaine in the United States? They keep saying they import cocaine. We have these hydroponic fucking gardens everywhere. How can you not grow it here?

It's like, there's not really plants that don't grow in certain geographic locations, are there? Yeah, but then you could grow them inside. And you did. You could manipulate the environment to simulate, like, a South American rainforest. Maybe it just wouldn't be as good. Like, grapes need to be on a, have the sun hitting them most of the day, so they need to be on, like, an incline.

Oh, really? What is that? That's the plant. Kinnikinnik? This is the plant? Native American smoking product typically made a mixture of various leaves or barks with other plant materials. Whoa. So they just smoked bark?

So it was just bark and shit? Calumet's the name of the pipe. Wow. Hmm. Okay. Tobacco. So they did smoke some tobacco. It was primarily the eastern tribes, but western tribes often mixed it with other herbs, barks, and plant matter.

In a preparation commonly known as kinikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikik We smoke bark. That's one of the only impressions I can do. And I'm sure all the Indians listening are like, that's terrible. Well, it's just crazy. We still call them Indians. It's like the dumbest shit of all time. Because they're not. They fucking landed in India. Once you know. And you're still using the word.

That's why it's dumb. You're right. It's so stupid. It's not offensive. It's offensive to the people using it. It's offensive to all of us. It's offensive to me. You're right. I grew up playing cowboys and Indians.

I didn't know I was, you know, saying something really fucking stupid. They're not Indian. This is Native Americans. It was just somebody thought it was somewhere else. They're real Americans. You don't even call them Native Americans. I guess it was named. Native.

Native. I like Native. Was it America? There was a bunch of disputes about why America was named America. But what I had heard. Amerigo Vespucci. Yeah, that's what I had heard growing up. Wow.

Fuck yeah, high school. Bam. He's left one in there. Nailed it, son. That's what I had heard growing up. And I didn't even know who the fuck Amerigo Vespucci was until I, like, what? This guy? I thought Christopher Columbus was named America.

Yeah. Yeah. Who was Amerigo Vespucci? Yeah, this fucking jackass who snuck in and changed the whole fucking name. Yeah, wait a minute. Let's hear it. America was named after Amerigo Vespucci. 15th century.

Florentine merchant who owned a business in Seville, Spain, furnishing supplies for ships, preparing them for merchantile. Oh, so he didn't even discover it. He just, like, supplied Columbus with it. So that is absolutely really what it was So the shit that we learned in high school was true, but why not call it Amerigo? Yeah, it's just weird. How about you talk to someone already lived here? Yeah, you guys call it, but that's like if somebody names a country after me and calls it aura, right?

It's like fucking name it after me then bro. Yeah, why are you calling it Amerigo land? Yeah, Amerigo land is good We're America land.oland. Yeah, Amerigoland is good. We're Amerigoland, fuck yeah. Doesn't have the same... Why America? Because it sounds right. America. America sounds fine. America.

You ever seen when people get really down on America? They write the K with a K. Like, instead of C-A. Because they've taken away our rights? Shit like that? Put your K. No, because it's like KKK. Oh, really?

KKK's clan. America. I thought it was just Soviet. It gives soviet nazi fucking feeling to it america did you see rick ross run over that guy not rick ross what's his name uh suge knight suge knight the video's out you watched it no not yet he ran over the guy's head right jamie oh jamie please oh. Oh, yeah. Oh my god I do that. I don't want to see this. That's your right as a human, but we're gonna watch it Oh, but it's not playing on TV, right? All right Fuck dude, this is something I'm not really interested in. So what did he really do is over a fight shook struck Bone

I can have the MZ, dude. Bone. Oh, my God. I think he showed up at, they're filming the NWA movie. Oh, the whole thing shook. He wasn't invited. The whole thing shook when Bone got over there. The whole car.

So, like, he shook him? Did he shoot? Did they yell at each other? I don't think any shots were fired. No. He just got run over. Right here. First guy gets hit.

Oh, my God. Wait. There's more. No way. First guy gets hit. Oh, my God. Wait. There's more. No way. Terry. That's the guy who died? Oh. Oh, no.

Oh, he ran them over. Yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, my God. He pulled out, ran that. Is that guy moving? Oh, my God. He is moving.

Oh, no. It's just the. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. They said they released it today so that people stopped Like third party accounts stopped happening Maybe this is what happened Oh my god

Oh Man that's so hard to watch Wow Thanks for forcing me to watch that you fuck Jesus Christ. That's what happens when you don't get repercussions. So I think you can do whatever the fuck you want. Who was that?

Who ran him over? Shoot Knight. Wow. Yeah. Oh. I mean, that guy just got killed. Killed. Run over, like, by the head and then run over again.

He hit two of them. He ran over two guys. The second guy is the guy that died the first guy did not die he ran that guy over twice with a truck that's so insane man that's so insane oof jesus christ if you could get away with murder do you think you would do it ever the only time you would ever do it is if someone was trying to attack you or someone was trying to attack someone that you love. Fits of rage? No.

No. Jealousy? No, never. Jealousy. That's why in that movie, remember when they could tell the future and see who was going to kill? What was that called? Minority Report? The only ones they couldn't catch were fits of rage because they weren't planned at all.

Right. Right. That makes sense. You're not thinking clearly. That makes sense. This guy touched my red truck. I've got to run him over.

When I was a little kid, I saw a lot of violence and it was very, it was very uncomfortable. Yeah. So I, a lot of like domestic abuse violence.

So, I'm the last person that could ever get involved in that kind of shit. I just, I'm not interested in fighting. Yeah. Especially with somebody I care about, I'm not interested in fighting. Especially with somebody I care about,

I'm not interested in that. No, no, you're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm saying you get away with it. I wouldn't do it. It just, that's not an option. The only reason why I would do it is if someone was trying to attack me. Right.

Like I wouldn't be the person that attacked them. The only way I would ever attack someone is if I thought that my life was in danger or my health was in danger or someone I thought that my life was in danger or my health was in danger or someone else's health or life was in danger. I would never just hit somebody because I was mad at them. Right. I mean, murder them, erase them. Any of those things. If I had to do that, I would have already done it. If I, if that was my path, if I was on that path, even if it was free and legal and you get away with it, it changes who you are as a person.

Yeah. Changes who you are as a person. If you're eliminating people, if you're harming, you're going after people. I like how some people say I would never be able to live with myself and that I disagree with for everybody because everyone who does it lives with themselves. Okay. Well, let's say this, Ted Bundy. Yeah.

What if you found Ted Bundy? What if Ted Bundy did that to someone that you knew and killed them? Oh, yeah. No, I feel terrible. And you had a chance to catch him in the act. You had to catch him as he was trying to abduct a woman. You knew it was Ted Bundy. And I could kill him.

I would end that motherfucker so easy. You would do that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. 100%. If I saw Ted Bundy trying to drag a woman and I knew it was Ted Bundy 100% I'd kill him he's in jail now right? 100% he's dead

they killed him but I would have killed him for sure that's a guy that I wouldn't even think twice if I had a gun I would shoot him if I had a knife I would stab him what if he wasn't about to do something but you knew it was Ted Bundy I'd probably still kill him yeah but he'd probably do something again though I'd probably confront him,

and then he would give me a reason to think that he was dangerous, and then I would try to kill him. Confront him. Yeah, if you knew that some guy was, if he got away from you, he's addicted to killing women. If you wouldn't kill that guy, if you know for sure it's that guy. What about Bill Cosby? Would you have stopped him from doing that?

Yeah. I mean, if you caught him, oh my God. What would you do if you caught a guy fucking a girl? You need to stop doing this. I can't, man, because that's the only time I can get hard is if someone's asleep. So I can't stop. So what are you going to do now? Can you imagine that conversation?

I mean, let's assume. Please stop. Don't even say it's Bill Cosby. Let's just assume it was someone else. Okay. Forget it. Let's not attach him to it. Whether or not he did or didn't do it, I'm assuming.

Some white guy. Some white guy. Some random person. If you walked in and some random person had drugged a woman and was busy fucking her body and she didn't even, you know, probably didn't, not only barely knew the guy. Would you let him finish? No. I mean, it's already happening.

You have to answer your own question. No. You should stop now. It would probably be so dangerous to confront. The kind of person that's willing to do that. This is where it gets dark. Whether it's the guy we were talking about before, that comedian fellow, or anybody else, some random person. The type of person that has the mindset to want to put you in an intoxicated state, like a drug state, so you don't know what happened.

You wake up and you're like, why am I naked? Like, what's going on? And he thinks that's funny or he thinks that's acceptable or he can live with that and he can do it again and again and again like he's done it many, many times before. There's a dehumanizing effect to that that's terrifying. It's not just sexual. Dehumanizing effect to that that's terrifying. It's not not just sexual There's a dehumanizing thing of you Deciding to shut someone's consciousness off and then do what you would with with right Wow. It's so crazy, dude It is beyond creepy. It is terrifying. So how do you get that?

You get that as your affliction that you need to do that You would have to talk to someone far smarter than me and I could speculate all day and i'm i'm sure i remember that one guy in that show whatever that what they call it child molesters yeah they catch a predator yeah but one guy was so resigned i could tell he was so resigned to that him being this way that he was like once he came out it's like you know we're here it's like oh he goes just get the cops they can lock me up and execute me already like he was talking about like that he couldn't change and he know he couldn't change so he needed someone to catch him he needed to be stopped he knew it so terrifying it's terrifying and the fact that you'll talk to women and they'll tell you that they've been drugged oh like i've talked to a bunch of different girls that have

been drugged you know you you'll hear them talking about it or you'll be talking about it and someone will come over. That happened to me. Did you hear Cosby talking to Larry King? No. Jamie? Did he talk to Larry King recently? Larry King? No, a long time ago about Spanish Fly. Oh, yes, I did hear that. Yeah, that was disturbing.

Now, looking back, it's so disturbing and Larry King's trying to giggle along like he's like, I don't want to fuck up the interview. But like, what? He's talking about giving them drugs that make them horny. Yeah. Against their will. Spanish fly.

Yeah, listen. Don't dose people. Don't dose people. That's just a standard rule. But Joey Diaz has dosed people. And I've always thought it was hilarious. Let them take whatever they want. Dude, Joey Diaz now, with these stars, that are 100 milligrams or 125.

So I'm like, how much are they for real? And he goes, yeah, it's like 50, 25 or 50. And I was like, really? So I get there, and I see it's at 25. I was like, okay, but something's fishy. Just like these Bill Cosby people. They knew something was up. These girls were like, wait, what?

You have a cappuccino machine in your bedroom? What? Hold on. And they knew something was up, but they couldn't stop it. And Joey Diaz, something looked fishy on the label and I asked him later, I'm like,

what's up with that label? He just took other labels and put it over the fucking 125 milligram label and I ate two of those motherfuckers. He dosed you. He dosed everybody. Why did he do that?

He thought it'd be funny and he was right. He was right. He knows that he knew I could handle it whether or not I needed to or not. Also, he wasn't intent on raping you. No.

And he did let you know that you were going to be taking a marijuana. He just didn't let you know that it was way stronger than it really is. That's the best Alex Jones when he's giving him a cookie at one of those UFCs. And Alex Jones is like, what's in this cookie? He goes, you know what the fuck is in the cookie? Eat the fucking cookie. He was mad. I'm holding this fucking cookie.

Come on. Come on, man. That was a fun weekend. That was a great weekend. We partied with Alex Jones All weekend at a UFC Yeah He came to the comedy show He came and hung out

Is that in Vegas? Yeah Or was that Yeah He's been to a bunch of comedy shows He was at my Most recent one in Austin Yeah that was fucking cool as shit

See if Simone says thank you again For those Oh that was awesome The right behind ringside I've seen him smile Have his big smile on his face Yeah it's great man Sitting back there It's amazing.

So fun. That place is awesome. Even if it is just girl fights. It's just girl fights, he says. I'm not interested. You're not interested in girls fighting? Until she loses a round. Then it's just an exhibition. I like it. I like

that exhibition. Yeah. It's cool. It's fun. It's fun You know what man? She's like this in this Roy Jones jr. In his prime state Yeah, Roy Jones jr. In his prime was just fucking everybody up He's putting his hands behind his back and knocking dudes out right knocking guys like Virgil Hill out with a body shot Well, everybody's like god damn Roy Jones, you know, who's Virgil Hill? He's he the guy who took care of macho man ready savage no he was uh a million dollar man he might have been an olympic gold medalist but i believe he was an olympic boxer and he was also a um uh a light

heavyweight champion and uh yeah this is um yeah, he, I believe it was Virgil Hill, he fought Roy Jones, and Roy Jones hit him with this fucking body shot that was just ridiculous. Whap. Really? Just cracked him to the body. You see him just crumple. On a body shot. Yeah, he was a bad motherfucker.

Yeah, he won a silver medal in the Olympic Games in 1984. But Olympic box is always super thin, right? Those heavyweights aren't heavyweights. Not always. Are they? I mean, look. Because they're younger. Lennox Lewis was an Olympian.

Briddick Bowe was an Olympian. They were big guys. But didn't they get bigger later or no? Here's Roy Jones Jr. fighting Virgil Hill. And Virgil was like a real high-level fighter at the time, man. Who's who? World champion. Virgil's in the black pants.

Boom, look at this body shot. Oh, he holds it. Son, you know how hard it is to knock a guy out on the left side of his body? Okay, he hit him with a right hand to the body. Yeah. Usually it's a left. The reason being,

it's not usually, but it's hard to knock a guy out with a right hand because, look, he got him in the floating rib. He got him in the floating rib. He probably broke his rib. It's usually on the left side because the left side is in the floating rib. He probably broke his rib. It's usually on the left side because the left side is where the liver is. It seems so weird for someone to go down.

Now that I've been watching UFC, someone going down like that and then no one jumping on him. Yeah, exactly, right? It just seems so strange. He's holding his side and you're like, why is this fight still going in the fight? Well, you always see dudes throwing left hooks to the body because from the left side, if you're attacking, that side of the body that you're going to hit, which is his right side, is where the liver is.

So Roy Jones knocked him out with a body shot on the opposite side that you usually see. Usually get either in the solar plexus or the liver. But he hit so goddamn hard and he was so fast. But the point is, like, that's where Ronda is. Oh, right. Above everybody like that. She's just fucking everybody up. She's just fucking everybody up.

As a matter of fact, these two. I don't know. It's like when I saw Anderson in his prime, and people call him the greatest of all time, but his prime, he was fucking up guys that were like, I could see winning a title if not for him. Right. Like Rich Franklin. Yeah.

Rich Franklin was the world champion when he fucked him up. So it's like, I don't know. When I see the 11th ranked fighter in the world at five and five talking about here. Well, it's a growing sport, Rhonda, but to take away from the rest of the fucking weight class, it's a growing sport.

Yeah. Yeah. MMA is like men's MMA in 2000 or maybe even before then. Right. You know, it's, it's still growing. I mean,

the UFC was started in 94. It became mainstream in like 2005. I think it'll be good for like girls training now. Oh, yeah. Like the 16-year-olds. Like, you know what? I want to do MMA. And then in eight years, there'll be legitimate contenders for titles.

Yeah. But like setting it up for later. Fucking Star Wars Episode I. Yeah, but it's interesting, man, because she's not going to keep going forever. Someone's going to come along. Like they always come along. Like someone came along. He's going to catch up with her eventually if she keeps fighting into her 30s for sure right now she's in her prime yeah but if she keeps fighting you know if cyborg can figure out a way to get down to 135 that could be fucking interesting but she she

showed a photo of herself the other day on a scale and she said 175 side work yeah like a couple days after her fight 175 that's what i should weigh yeah what are you talking about i mean i don't know if that's like to try to get people to be sympathetic about the fact that if you want to get that fight with ron to go it's gotta be 45 fight at 45 but get the fuck out of here with that 175 yeah how tall is she i bet she's probably about 5 8. jesus yeah when i'm 175 i'm in the middle of my bmi i'm like where i should be not thin or big at 6 3. yeah she is a thick woman let me see how tall she is 5 8 yeah she's 5 8. see? There's her. 175. God, her toes look tough. Fucking bruised up.

Her toes look like some of these lips in Chicago in the winter. Look at all the things she's... Look at the right foot with the scar. That's probably from someone's fucking teeth. Oh, yeah. She probably kicked someone's teeth in with that foot. She's badass, man. Say what you will about her prior substance use. I won't say anything. I'm just talking about those fucking finish product of Chris. I got Jesus written on the side of them

I don't know something like she's yeah, it looks like Jesus Yeah, that's that's the one she wants to knock you out with she's not sure how would you she's got hairy knuckles? Maybe it's just no I don't think so. I don't see any hair. It's just fre knuckles. Maybe it's just... No, I don't think so. I don't see any hair. It's just freckles. Yeah. Fuck. She's a tough chick.

But that's the one out there... Close up of her toes. That's the one out there that's like, that's the big money. Yeah, all right. If she loses a round in that, then I'll start watching female MMA. Well, this is what I think. I think the UFC should have a 145 pound women's division. So, see, like, I know about Cyborg and a lot of other people know about cyborg

But most people don't have no idea like people that are just UFC fans. Yeah, what are they 35 and 25 and that's it? No, they have 35 and 115 and 15 and 115 is the one that is this weekend Johanna, you know, Jake is fighting Carlo Esparzalo Esparza. And that's for the strawweight title. Strawweight. I love those fucking light guys fighting. These girls are badass, too.

They move quicker. And the chick, Johanna Janjajic, is Muay Thai world champion, elite striking skills. And Karlo's a real tough wrestler. It's going to be a really interesting fight. But my thing is, I think that 145, they have a 145 in Invicta, Elite striking skills. Carl is real tough, wrestler. It's going to be a really interesting fight. But my thing is, I think that 145, they have a 145 in Invicta, which is something that the UFC owns. Invicta is... So bring them up.

Maybe they own it or they're part of it. I don't know if the UFC bought it. Somehow or another, they're working together. I believe the UFC bought it. I don't pay attention to this shit. I should. Probably. It's part of my job.

But that's neither here nor there. What's important is they have all-women fights. They have a lot of fighters. It's like of my job. But that's not neither here nor there. What's important is they have all women fights. They have a lot of fighters. It's like, just bring them over to the UFC. Let's just bring them over, man. Bring 145 over. Let them fight in the UFC. And then if Ronda wants to move up, let her move up.

Well, then, not only that, people will be calling for it. Right. Because right now, they're not calling for it because they don't know. Like, I would say, yeah, it's interesting. Do I understand why Ronda would want to fight her at 135? Of course. Yeah, that's a smart thing to do. You're going to fight a fucking wrecking machine.

Yeah. She's big, and she knocks bitches out. You know, she knocks chicks out in a way that very few fighters knock people out. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, she puts it on girls. She puts it on girls. She's scary.

She's scary. Everyone should be scared of her. They all should be scared, especially if you're a fighter. Even Tiger woods in his prime with like when he went eight ten tournaments a year it's like he was losing 15 tournaments a year it was at some point challenged well yeah obviously that's different though tyson too it's like he's beating guys that were like tyson was those 20 second fights in the beginning for sure yeah but he was beating guys that had belts that were like legit like i've heard of this guy before. I knew Leon Spinks. I had heard of him for years.

Well, he fought his brother, Michael Spinks. Michael Spinks, yeah. But yeah, he knocked him out in like 90 seconds. It was a destruction. He just ran through him. Michael Spinks was a legit world champ, beat Larry Holmes. Yeah, and then it was like you're beating those guys. He knocked Larry Holmes out, man.

Larry was past his prime. I want to say Larry's in his late 30s. Could Tyson come back now and fight? No, I think he's too old now. He's older than me. I'm 47. I think he's 48 or 49. Wow.

Yeah. He was, I mean, people, I didn't have, I mean, no, actually Jordan. But the way people talked about when Mike Tyson was fighting, it was like everyone stopped what they were doing. You know, it was like, Mike Tyson's coming out. What do you think? People just talk about it. You've seen that documentary, right?

Mm-mm. You haven't seen the Tyson documentary? No. Holy shit, dude. It's amazing. Yeah, he tells his life story. It's incredible. Oh.

And that's how they decided to do this one-man show. Which I think Spike Lee produces it, right? Yeah. And they do this one-man show, and Tyson, he's killing them all over the world with this show. Oh, he's doing it and traveling and doing it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. He did it in-

Like Raging Bull? Was it in LA or in Vegas? Yeah, he did it in LA. He had it in LA for a while? Or at least he did it once. And it shows up places, and you'll do a run in a theater. And it's good. Oh, yeah.

People love it, man. People love it. His story is incredible. His story is incredible. Yeah, growing up in the streets like that. Yeah. Raising pigeons. They talk about the pigeons.

I forgot about the pigeons. I don't know how much they talked about the pigeons. Because it's been a few years. I love those pigeons. It's on HBO right now. The Tyson documentary. See if you can find Mike Tyson talking about what was going through his mind when he's walking to the ring. Because there's this one thing where he was talking about what it was like when he was in his prime walking to the describing what was going through his mind

like all his nerves and apprehension and all these different things and how they would evaporate as he would slowly but surely get closer and closer to the ring wow and then when he go when he stepped in through it goes once i step into that rope i am a god god. Whoa. And I was like, oh, my god. Like, when he says that, like, I'm a god. Like, that was what's going through his mind. Like, he forgets. Get to that level from, like, start to finish. Wow. He would just ramp himself up.

And then once he got in there and he looked at his opponent, he just knew he was just going to smash them. Like Ghostbusters. Are you a, who are you? Are you a god? No? Then die. I just saw it. There's no way I could remember that.

Most guys were pretty much intimidated. They lost the fight before they even got hit. Most guys. I knew the artist's godduggery. I knew how to beat these guys psychologically before I even got in the ring with them. As soon as I come into the ring, I'm gloved... No, stop it. That's not true. While I'm in the dressing room,

five minutes before I come out, my gloves are laced up. I'm breaking my gloves down. I'm pushing the leather on the back of my gloves. I'm breaking the middle of the gloves so my knuckle could pierce through the leather. I feel my knuckle piercing against the tight leather gloves on the Everlast boxing gloves.

When I come out, I have supreme confidence, but I'm scared to death. I'm totally afraid. I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid of losing. I'm afraid of being humiliated. But I'm totally confident. The closer I get to the ring, the more confidence I get. The closer, the more confidence I get. The closer, the more confidence I get. All during my training, I've been afraid of this man.

I thought this man might be capable of beating me. I've dreamed of him beating me, but I always stayed afraid of him. But the closer I get to the ring, I'm more confident. Once I'm in the ring, I'm a god. No one could beat me. Oh my god. I walk around the ring,

but I never take my eyes off my opponent. I keep my eyes on him, even if he's ready and pumping. He can't wait to get his hands on me as well. I keep my eyes on him. I keep my eyes on him. I keep my eyes on him. Then once I see a chink in his arm, boom, one of his eyes may move. And then I know I have him.

Then when he comes to the center of the ring, he still looks at me with his piercing look and as if he's not afraid. But he already made that mistake when he looked down for that one tenth of a second i know i had him he'll fight hard for the first two or three rounds i know i already broke his spirit during the fight i'm keeping my confidence i'm moving my head he's throwing punches wow he's on the ground dodging i'm hitting him to the body i'm punching real hard and i'm punching and i'm punching him i know he's I'm punching him and I'm punching him and I know he's not able

to take my punches. One, two, three punches. I'm throwing him punches and punches. He goes down, he's out. I'm victorious. Jesus Christ. Mike Tyson,

greatest fighter ever lived. Jesus Christ. Wow. That was cool. When he was at his best. I like that. You have to train fear yeah of this guy beating you so you train harder yeah that's what comics need you need confidence when you're on stage but lack of confidence every other moment complete like you suck get better you suck get better

you definitely can't have a distorted perception if you start being confident you won't get better well it's the one thing that we all despise is a comic who's not honest about doing well right yeah everybody despises that was great like really you're saying that out loud that was great we just saw you bomb you gotta admit you bombed otherwise we can't talk because when i bomb i'm gonna tell you i just ate fucking fat dick up there like fuck like remember you called me you tell me you had a bad set in london we talked about it like that shit happens man such a bad set devastating that's fucking devastating so if someone pretends that it's not like we can't talk now now we can't talk because now you're not being real do you always open up and be cool and you're like not every time you win you win

everything you're the best ever i was always the best i always had gold medal from the time i was a baby gold medal number one in class number one with gym number one football it's my i pick up sports i pick i'm number one is amazing jesus that was so cool it's a great moment in time what he's thinking of as he comes to the and that reminds me of what you were thinking of when you were walking through that hotel fire in San Francisco, which you can see right now. Just Thursday night, live on Comedy Central. If you want to see these old stories, they're on demand, but they're also on YouTube. If you go to This Is Not Happening playlists, you can see all of them.

The last this year and the last season, the one before that. Rogan has got another story, too, from last year. That's a better one, quite honestly. You think so? Yeah. All right, nice. Well, look at that one, too. The stripper's a better one.

The stripper one's, too. It's a true story, too. I like how you worked on this one and made it better, though. I made it better, but it's not as good, the hotel fire one. It's just the stripper story's just so good. I remember that bitch. I still, to this day, think about her. She was so crazy.

To this day, I almost wish I could find a way to barely stay in touch with her. Just to hear her talk. That story, too. You're like, I don't know. I don't do stories, man. I don't have any stories. I'm like, you have one that's amazing. What about that one?

I'm seeing you tell it. Oh, yeah. It was so good. I forgot about it. I forgot about that story. Almost a million views now. That's hilarious. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So. Thanks. To see you go from, you know, those early days where you were trying to become a paid regular, to struggling, to see you now where you're balling out of control. Feels great. Trying to talk you into buying a luxury automobile. It's not going to happen.

You fucking frugal bastard. It's not frugal. I'm leaving LA. I'm not going to have a car for the next 10 months. Even more baller. Garage that shit. Store it outside my apartment. Garage that shit. And put like a cardboard cutout of you with your cock hanging out

and leave it there to guard it. That's where I'll put a for sale sign which is a big dick. That's the price. For sale and dick. Yeah. I don't need money anymore. I was poor for too long so now I'm like content with very little that's nice but you're gonna get used to like what do I do with this money I have to start buying some shit otherwise it's

stupid to have money and then you're gonna yeah I need a car and we're gonna go get a car come on get a car I'm just gonna get something like a Prius or something that's good on gas and so it'll talk you into a BMW or something. And you'll be corrupted like Duncan. Duncan's corrupted. Duncan's got a nice black Mercedes Benz. Yeah, Duncan's corrupted. I fucking love it, man! Now I get it! Mercedes Benz. Yeah.

I always told him. Duncan lives large. He's got a tangerine tree in his backyard. Ooh, tangerines. They're delicious. Homegrown fruit. Hmm. Yeah. I wonder how pollution affects plants that you eat like you grow a garden and you're in silver lake you're dealing with some fucking some isn't it the water too because someone's like you got to wash the outside but i'm like but it's the inside is drinking the polluted water and putting that into the fruit yeah it depends i mean most people i think in california if you have a fruit tree you probably

have to have some sort of pesticides irrigation system right to flush water it to water it too you're probably watering it from uh yeah but if that picks up all the all the uh pollution not pollution all the uh fucking insecticides well that's that's not... The water that comes out of your faucet definitely doesn't have insecticides. You think there's insecticides on his plants? Like the fruit plants? Yeah, like sprays. He's not putting any sprays on his plants.

Oh no, not dunking. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying someone who grows fruit or vegetables or anything in their house in Silver Lake. If you're living in a place that... LA is... It's polluted. There's no way around it. It's definitely not being in Silver Lake. Yeah. If you're living in a place that- It's just gross. LA is- Polluted. It's polluted.

Yeah. There's no worry around it. It's definitely not being in the mountains. So you're right. So is that in the tangerines too? Yeah. How does it, what happens there? If the tangerines are breathing the air-

It feeds it. The tree feeds it. Yeah. The trees scrub more pollution. Yeah. We know that, right? Because they eat carbon dioxide. It turns it into-

Yeah. It turns it into something converts into less harmful compounds less harmful yeah not even not harmful less harmful it convert what is it saying oh it absorbs pollutants yeah and turns those into less harmful right yeah so it absorbs that and also creates oxygen right i mean i'm not saying fuck trees you need trees yeah but my point is what happens to the fruit like does the fruit get pollution in it i feel like it would yeah it's good to have trees if you live in a shithole and everybody's got a science with joe and ari we don't know shit. I think we're high. Yeah, it seems like it would be better to have something growing where there's not cars driving by every day.

Yeah. If you're going to eat it, you know. Yeah. Yeah, probably not. It's probably fucking terrible for you. It's probably like less good for you. It was such a sweet. Me and Simone ate one before we went to the UFC.

It was so good. If you could compare that to a tangerine grown... Fresh off the tree, though, it was extra sweet. It was still getting nutrients. It was still being shaken while we were fucking peeling it, pretty much. Damn.

It's nice to have. I used to have a fucking plum tree and it died man really yeah it just got old i had it for a long time it it bared a lot of fruit it bred like the most fruit like the last couple years before it petered out like it's almost like this was it good the last few years oh so good but it was his last fourth of july you know grand finale boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. And then one year. I think the firework's over. No, they're not over.

They're even better. And then done. One year, it just stopped growing fruit. And I was like, man, is there something wrong with the irrigation we checked? And it just got old. Really? Yeah, apparently some fruit trees just get old

and they don't make fruit anymore. Like people. Just like people. I don't know what the year was. I wonder how long a fucking thing had been there there i had assumed that whoever had made the house had put it there but i think that some people get them like planted as full trees like my neighbor he he grew a fucking orchard orchard orchard orchard looks like it'd be a cork orchard he drew he uh built one in his front yard. That's cool. Yeah.

Oh, it looks really cool. He's got like 20 trees out there. Oh, a bunch of trees. Yeah, he's got like 20 of them. And he installed them all like as full-grown trees. So it blocks the view from the street? No, no, no, no. I mean, not really.

It's on the side of his house. That's pretty cool, though. But it's a pretty big lot, and he grows fruit there. I played Farm Bill. I know what time it is. You do play Farm Bill. I did. I do not anymore. That's one of the things that is not up to date on the flip phone. lot and he grows fruit i played farm bill i know what time it is you do play farm bill i did i do not anymore that is that's one of the things that is not up to date on the flip phone it's their

farm bill game is weak well in in let's talk about this in in trying this thing where you've abandoned society and everything's good not abandoned society I've gotten off the train. I'm not off the grid. And leaving the iPhone slash Android wonderland of apps and videos and images. It's been two and a half months now. To go back to a fucking skanky little flip phone. Yeah. Ridiculous little thing that sucks at texting. How much better has your texting got? It's gotten better.

Absolutely. I want to get one where it's like the sidekick where you flip it open, but too many of those have... Apps. Yeah, apps that come standard with it. What happens when people send you links? I see the link and I have to email it to myself, to my computer, so then I can look at it. What do you mean?

How do you do it? There's no other way. That's hilarious. Now, has this fucked with you business-wise at all? rashafir.comedydirect.com. Yeah. Everyone go there for my special. rashafir.comedydirect.com.

Has it fucked the business at all? Okay. If there was any time where I thought, maybe I won't be able to handle this, it's while I had a premiere of my past paid regular special in January. The show, the entire run of the show, which has only two weeks left. And Passive Aggressive, my other special. That would be the time. Right.

When I wouldn't be able to handle it. And I'm getting by. So I got to think in a month or two, it's going to be a breeze. Pluses to minuses. Okay, let's do minuses first let's do minuses um i have to text to twitter oh good lord yeah and the text is t9 so is that the word t9 for that yeah so it takes a while so you got to really have in your mind what you want to what you want to tweet and when i started tweeting uh i went to the old i was in my it was my uh contacts with twitter i was like oh it's 40404 i think that's what it is and i sent a tweet like And when I started tweeting, I went to the old, it was my contacts. It was Twitter.

I was like, oh, it's 40404. I think that's what it is. And I sent a tweet. Like, you used to. You used to send it by text. And then they emailed me saying, I think you've been hacked. Unless you meant to text a tweet out. Which, by the way, when you're at the UFC and there's no data because everyone's sharing data, that's a little trick.

Text a tweet. Yeah, you can get shit out. You can't check everything, but you can text something out. Yeah Pictures are harder. I think you gotta include a subject line or something, but anyway, that's difficult, but I can get it done But the pro on the same side is that is that I cannot check any twit responses That's pro total pro in terms of giving me my time back. Yeah Total pro. I can't check it, so why even get lost in fucking doing it? Was that the thing? Tweet responses? Absolutely.

That was one of the big ones. When I was in an elevator and the doors closed. Well, come on. Here's a negative. What is that? There's an Amber Alert in San Pedro, California. And you get it on your phone? I guess so. It's because all old ladies have those.

They love that shit. I didn't know about that. What the fuck is this? Old people. What if I'm at a meeting? Old people love ladies have those. They love that shit. I didn't know about that. What the fuck is this? Old people. What if I'm at a meeting? Old people love those fucking phones. Yes, it writes. Gray Nissan.

Well, I'll just fucking pass it along. It's a gray Nissan Altima, 2006. California plates. L-I-C. Oh, I don't know what L-I-C is. Dash 5-U-C-F-0-1-0. If you see him, stop him him don't wait for the cops yeah treat him like you would Ted Bundy

call it in but then proceed no don't listen to us listen we're joking call in to follow that motherfucker you got a cell phone this is why listen to his story first he might have a point no let's do a story sometimes when they go Amber Alert and they go his father abducted him I'm like

the citizen is cut and dry then. There was a terrible story about a woman who is getting arrested. She's taking her kid away, her four-year-old, like her and her husband are in some sort of a custody battle. Yeah. And she took the four-year-old away because he was getting circumcised. They wanted to get him circumcised.

Oh, and she said no fucking way. And she was like, no fucking way. And so they arrested her. And it's just you know crazy story and i see people that are like pro and con and you know people do that's not as cut and dry as uh an abduction no like you're still with a parent it's just not the weekend but they're still like they were threatening her with jail right like you know she was on the run she was like a fugitive i mean you can't that, but I would say let the cops handle that. You can't cut a kid's fucking dick either.

Jesus Christ. What is that nonsense? What is that nonsense? I don't want to hear any of this that prevents AIDS. Shut the fuck up. That is not preventing any AIDS. No matter what propaganda they throw your way. Dirty dicks.

So does girls shaving their vaginas. Yeah, prevents AIDS. Prevents AIDS. Because it's less chafing. Always chafing. Shave those buses. Listen, that's not the way to prevent AIDS you fucking geniuses that's the dick we're condom come on be realistic I'm talking about that uh think they should cut their kids dick to make them not get AIDS that's not why people are doing it it's probably gonna get AIDS anyway most guys don't get AIDS

from their dick I'm sure you know they get it from somebody else's Here's another negative huge Instagram is Unusable I can do it. I can do pictures only from my laptop. I figured out a hack to get to do it I don't know that hack tell me after I think it or something like that. I don't want it to get sucked out into the universe. Just Google it. But yeah. Service. So there's that. And you can't really check all your responses that much.

But that's good, right? Yeah, it's good. You could definitely get caught up in too much interaction. You told me something when I was doing this. And you said something that I've quoted to people when you were like, well, I couldn't live without Instagram. And my thought was, you did seven months ago. You lived without Instagram as of the time you told me that so it's like the ideas of what we can and can't live without is like distorted I told you that I couldn't

live with that yeah you were half joking but like the idea of that I was definitely joke I mean of course you can live the one thing that I would like well you know you love Instagram you know what I love about it I could write as much as you want you could write like several paragraphs So if you have a photograph no you can't include a link But if you have a photograph that has like kind of a silly story to it And it's kind of funny or if you have something that means something to you. Yeah, you could you're actually Fill out as long as you want people could read it or not read it sort of like yeah. Yeah, yeah, right editing a podcast

Yeah, absolutely. I got home. I don't believe in I'm not 140, absolutely. I'm not editing shit. I'm not editing shit. I do a three-hour podcast. You listen to it, you don't, whatever. I love on Skeptic Tank when I finish interviewing somebody, he's like, oh, so you're going to chop that down? What parts are you going to do? No, man, unless I have to.

Unless you said something incriminating. Some guys love to do that, though. They love to edit them and chop them down and get the right amount. That was one of the things that Joey had a problem with with the young lady that he was doing his last podcast with. There was some editing going on. He was like, why? Just leave it all.

Yeah, Joey fucking Diaz. Yeah. You have to figure out what to do. Yeah, get the fuck out of here. That was the hardest part of this not happening, was getting these stories down to time, but not lose. Allow the comics to like, yeah, riff, and we'll take it out if it doesn't work. But then at the same time, it's like gotta like have it yeah it's like joey diaz's story next week you're this week he's he's gonna be the last one and that'll be like two act breaks

because i was like guys you're not chopping it was it was you can lose 30 seconds here a minute there make a story but yeah you can't yeah so it's over if there's a commercial in the middle of it how long is it totaled that way what how long is it total i think it's like 13 minutes long but they're like these need to be they're used to having stand-up on tv it's like seven i'm like well this ain't that they're stories this ain't that they go as long as they go joey's stories are epic for your story we had to get i had to ask them i was like listen i know the act breaks are seven and a half max his stories eight and a half Can you just? Like take the time off another act break, and they were like let us check and they're like yeah look great

Thank you now. I just have a certain amount of minutes. That's what it is Yeah, that's us. That's something that's really interesting too because I watched you develop that from doing it the annex room The little small room did it there on the side stage. stage yeah it was just like you were just trying to stretch just fuck around and see see what happens see what exactly see what happens my storytelling has gotten a lot better from doing it for five years i would imagine well guys like joey diaz or guys like charlie murphy how do you think they got so good at telling stories they tell a lot of goddamn stories they've been telling stories forever like charlie murphy can captivate you with those goddamn stories It's because he's been around dudes that are good at it

He picked up how to do it by doing his own stories over and over again You realize the rush you get when someone is telling like when Joey's telling a great story And we are howling laughing even if it's just the three of us at five burger. We're having a great time Yeah, I mean might as well be a packed room filled with a thousand That's a theory behind it. That it's like, you've entertained people like this, and you're a comedian. So you're natural. Like when people say, like, what do you do?

You just talk? It's like, yeah, but it's a comedian just talking. That's what a podcast is. So it's always way funnier. A comic telling a story, especially if they're good at it like Joey Diaz. Yeah. Joey has some of the most epic stories of all time. He has a couple on there if you haven't seen them.

This is not happening playlist. Go to YouTube. Just look at all of them. how many does he have on your thing he's got two because i was like yeah we're gonna have him back the second season and they're like do you want to have people back that have already done the digital one for tv and i was like yeah t.s and big j of course and rogan like what do you mean yes yes we're just gonna do that like people have more than one story isn't it funny though that like, that when you're dealing with a giant company now, you're dealing with a bunch of people. You're used to just doing what you want and doing what you think is funny. When you do a podcast, when you do anything.

But when you actually have to cooperate with other people and you have to have these conversations about the direction of the show, that's all a new thing for you. It's very new. Being a producer is new as fuck. And I don't know how to do it. And I don't know the rules. And you can't new thing for you. It's very new. Being a producer is new as fuck. Yeah. And I don't know how to do it and I don't know the rules and you can't tell this person that. I'm like, why? They have to help me through it.

But the thing is, here's what I found, as long as you explain to someone with logic what you want to do, then they'll go, oh, okay, sure, we'll do it that way. Like when I was editing my special,

paid regular, not the one that's coming out on Friday, Passive Aggressive, such a DVRs. Such a DVR. Friday night, 11.59. 11.59. And they were like, we don't like this angle.

Can you change it? And I was like, actually, we used the other shot of that, and there's somebody picking their nose right by the stage, something like that. And so that's why we can't use that shot. They go, oh, okay, great. So then use the one you want to use then. If you just explain to them.

Right. Like, there's no fight, then use the one you want to use then. If you just explain to them. Right. Like there's no fight, then they're totally cool people. Well, this group of people that are running Comedy Central now are awesome. Artist friendly. That shit about letting you get eight and a half minutes is like a sign of like, cool, you understand. Let's update some stuff. Let's come into the future a little.

And they're all cool about it. They were great through your show. They were great through when I was filming my special. They were great when you were filming your special. They're just nice people. And they enjoy what's going on. That's the thing too. They're comedy fans. What they really want is something

awesome to come out. Give them a plug. Give them a plug. Jonas and Ann. They're great. Nice people. Give them a plug. It's awesome. They're cool people too. I hang out with them. This is a really good time for comedy, man.

It's a really good time at the store. It's a really good time on Comedy Central. It's a really good time. There's a lot of funny fucking comics. We just put up a show

tomorrow night. What's today? Monday? Wednesday night. It's already sold out. Sorry. Sorry, bitches. Yeah.

Diaz, Brian Callen, Tony Inchcliffe, Ian Edwards, and me. People are calling for me to debate Brendan Shaw on American Sniper. That's a good show, though. Fuck. You and him debating about American Sniper? Yeah.

You debating anybody? I need to get permission from you to release that video of you disparaging our heroes. I have no secrets. There's no permissions for me. I seem to remember that being a very controversial statement. On their behalf, and I'm not sure you want that out in public. You said it sucked. You said it was a shitty fucking movie.

That's the thing. Anybody who wants me to debate it, it's like, you know I'm going to debate the acting. I'm not going to debate Chris Kyle in any way. I'm going to debate the acting and the storytelling in that movie. Hey, bro, bro, you gotta fucking, the guy's a hero, bro. Yeah, but so what? That fucking scene where he met his wife was garbage! Bro, bro, bro, bro, respect. Okay, it's about

Christopher Columbus and snipers. Yeah, you should give respect and shoot that scene more than once, fucking Eastwood, you old man. Why don't you and fucking, what's his name, Howard Stern go suck each other off in your old man camp. Oh my goodness. Get your wrinkled cocks in each other's mouths and go fucking support shitty comedy again.

You guys are garbage. How dare you. They've lost it. Unforgiven was amazing. Let's not take that away from him. How old was he when he made Unforgiven? That was 15, 20 years ago. It was great.

And it was a culmination of all the stuff he had done to that point. He made a real Western. You're upset with Howard Stern because he said that shit about podcasting. That's the new thing I'm upset with Howard Stern over. It just shows what a fucking how much he's lost touch. Like, that's not the way you become a radio DJ. Stern, no one

wants to become a radio DJ who's doing podcasts. That's not our end goal. He might be doing that, though. He's a very clever guy. He might be doing that, though. He's a very clever guy. He might be doing that just to get people to talk shit. I guess so. He said it's for losers. So that means anyone who listens to a podcast and listens to Howard Stern, just so you know, Howard Stern called you a loser for listening to podcasts as well.

You got to know how to take it to an act break. No, you don't. You can just not go to an act break. What the fuck are you talking about? Take it back to the 30s. I think he was trying to fuck with people. I really do. No, I think he doesn't like that.

Why are you going to make your pennies? And he goes, Carolla shouldn't be in podcasts. He should be doing radio. You just don't even know what it is. You're commenting on shit. You don't even know what it is. I don't know, man. I hear that from a guy like that.

He's too clever. He was too clever. I think he's probably, I don't know. I think he's probably fucking with people't know, I think he's probably fucking with people at the same time trying to get people. What is that, a prank?

I don't think it stands for the stars. America's Got Talent? Whatever, some garbage show. He likes it. He likes giving people the, when he talks about it, it genuinely seems like he's enjoying it.

Giving people the opportunity, like some of those people that come out of that show are actually really talented. Cool jugglers and stuff? I don't know. I've never watched it. What do you do in that show?

Tom Cotter. Tom Cotter, stand-up comic. He's the guy that I came up with in Boston way back in the day. Hold on a second. And you should know, but I don't know Tom Cotter at all, but there's no way you're going to defend that show by saying Tom fucking Cotter. He's been fucking shitty since 84! How dare you? There's no way you're going to say

that as an example of something good coming out of that show. The fucking cool dancers? Yeah, I'll give you that As an example of something good coming out of that show The fucking cool dancers Yeah I'll give you that I like Tom Cotter I can't say any bad words about him No you can't because you know I'm going to like him But I can because I've never met him Even when I was a little kid watching live from the Laugh Factory

On Saturday night I was like who's this fucking cheese ball host Get to the amazing Jonathan How dare you Ari Shafir You give him a TV show the motherfucker goes on a rampage Ghost. How dare you? Get to the amazing Jonathan. How dare you? How dare you? Ari Shafir, you give him a TV show, the motherfucker goes on a rampage. Balls out. He's attacking Howard Stern, attacking Tom Cotter.

When's the last time he broke a real musician anymore? I don't think he ever did that. He did. Did he really? Yeah. Bands like Soul Coughing. I remember discovering them through Howard Stern. Like, oh, this is a good band.

You're right, Stern. He was listening to rock music. But now he's fucking 104. And 104-year-olds don't have their finger on the pulse. I don't think he's that old. That's why the guy from Saturday Night Live, he's just like, well, hire young black people. Just hire somebody that is young. Well, I think, honestly, this is my take on it.

I want to be completely objective. Yeah. I think what he's doing is what he enjoys. Yeah, that's it. This is who he is now. This is who he is now. We can't want a guy to be who we thought he was or who he used to be. Dude, there's nothing.

Comedians, athletes, musicians, no one keeps up at the high level they perform at all the time. They fade. But this is where I think you're wrong, because Stern has really good interviews. They're really good. Still? New ones? Very good. Okay.

He just did one with Kid Rock. He's very good. Yeah. I think he's one of the very best ever. At interviewing? Yeah. And it was a new one that was good interview? All right.

Well, then he's a good interviewer still. He's still very good, man. He might have some ideas that I don't agree with, like the podcasters are losers, but he's a good interviewer still he's still very good man he might have some ideas that i don't agree with like the podcasters are losers but he's still like that guy is like if you go back and look at all the radio influences like that guy's the number one radio guy of all time he used to like sam kinnison he used to like sam kinnison it was like this guy's legit funny and now he likes fucking one-liner comics. Safe one-liner comics. I don't know. I bet he still likes really funny comics, too.

I don't buy it, man. I mean, I don't talk to the dude on a regular basis. I haven't seen him in a long time. Didn't get the black keys. I was like, nah, I don't get it. Why do we want to have them on? Really? Irrelevant, man.

They had to force them into playing his birthday party because he was like, he wouldn't play them. Are you sure about that? That's who played his birthday party, right? Yeah, but are you sure that he didn't want them there? was like i just wouldn't he wouldn't play them are you sure about that that's who played his birthday party right yeah but you're sure that he didn't want them yeah i just wouldn't have them no i'm not sure about anything but that's what i heard oh that i heard shit yeah that's what i hear from people who listen to him i don't know man if it wasn't for him it wasn't for all the shit that he went through with the fcc and all the sure absolutely and then he tries to say that ONA went too far, having a homeless guy on.

And it's like, dude, fuck you. You're a relevant piece of shit. Well, you know what I think? On the side of freedom, only when it's your freedom of speech, no one else's. I think they're just his enemy. And that was his idea,

was that his enemies, he would go after with all of his weapons. His weapons and mortgaging his fucking art and what he believes in. That people should be allowed to say whatever they want. That is what's all about, right? I mean, it's gotta kind of be that and it's gotta kind of stand up for itself. You gotta say like, fuck those guys,

but of course they should be able to say what they want. But please, everyone, do not listen to them because they suck. That's what you should say. Hmm. Or just... You shouldn't say that went too far. You can't say certain things. Come on, man. you went too far a hundred times and was great another line was moved do you think that's because like in those days when they had time slots that the time slot was the king and maybe that's why we're not like that at all think about it all the drive time was huge to get that all of our friends

what all of our friends have podcasts and we're always on all of our friends' podcasts. I've been on yours. You've been on Diaz's. I've been on Diaz's. We're all on each other's podcasts all the time. Yeah, I just did Duncan's last week. Yeah, and this is never like of a competitive thing at all. It doesn't even come into play.

It's like, hey, we all have successful podcasts. This is fun. And we just keep doing podcasts. And no one's worried that somehow or another if they download the skeptic tank They're not gonna download Duncan Trussell's family hours Yeah, they'll catch up with all the old ones and they move on to the next podcast exactly and there's enough people There's a lot of people and the key isn't controlling the people that are there the key is Promoting as much good shit as possible so that more people show up and then everybody is happy right like this idea that you have

To be but when there was one morning show you know one guy got the morning shift And you have rankings yeah, we're the number one in our market that got all the money Yeah, of course the smart guy second, so we're doing better It's like rankings those iTunes rankings that came out when people started doing podcasts everyone's interested at first And then it became like, who cares? I have this many downloads. I want to get more. Yeah.

I want to get more people to listen. It's like that's it. He was in a different world. That's a different world of competition. It's a different world. You can't accept this new world where people don't care. It's definitely a new world. There's a lot of people listening to podcasts.

Dude, that's going to happen to us too. We're going to become irrelevant. Oh, I don't know about that. I think you'll be relevant with people that are interested in what you have to say. Right, maybe. That's what it is. That's it. You change.

You change. Maybe it's just for comedians, where it's like, when you're 60 and you're relevant to 60-year-olds, 60-year-olds don't go out to comedy clubs. Okay, but here's the... But you're still relevant, just you have no audience. Okay. Here's the argument against that is Dom Irera. Dom Irera is not just relevant. He's as funny as ever. Yeah, argument against that is Dom Irera. Dom Irera is not just relevant.

He's as funny as ever. Yeah, that's true. Dom Irera murders it. That's a good point. I saw him the other night. We did Kill Tony together, like, on the other night, a few months ago. And he was sharp as I've ever seen him. Really?

Just crushing. Off the top of his head. Hilarious. Vicious. Hilarious. Self-deprecating. He was just monstrous. just smashed it smashed it we were howling laughing he's so good at that off the cuff stuff especially he's talking to like young

comedians yeah you know it was it was it was excellent so there you go like there's some guys that just stay funny i dom herrera just stayed funny he never stopped being funny he just stayed funny carlin's last few years was a downturn i think his health was a big issue i think when you you're struggling with your health you also leave society more are you going to talk about being of the people when it's like you're not of the people you haven't flown coach in fucking 15 years 20 years don't coach right but whatever it is but it's like you've never taken the subway how can you do a joke about the subway when you have no idea what it's like now if it's cleaned it up you know how much, I mean, he used to hang out at the comedy store.

I really regret not talking to him or not attempting to talk to him. I said hello. He was very friendly. He said hi. Whenever I heard people call Mr. Carly, I was like, George, please just call me George. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was kind of cool. He was really like a comic hanging out.

20 bucks? I'm sure he did, man. I'm sure he did. He seemed very friendly when I said hello to him. I just That's what he must deal with all the time people coming up to him revering him Yeah, I just had to get away from him before I said something stupid, but I was just it was psyched I was psyched that he was there. Yeah, that's George fucking Carlin. Holy shit. You know, there's like a Mount Rushmore of comedy He's on it. There's the date rape guy.

The date rape guy. You just start calling him that. The date rape guy, Carlin. It's fucked up, man, but you've got to kind of remove him from the Mount Rushmore of his craft. No, no, no. You do not have to do that. You cannot deny someone the Hall of Fame because of off-the-field actions. That's got nothing to do with it.

Unless fucking the dead girls made him funnier. They weren't dead. They were out cold. They were close to death. If fucking the out cold girls made him funnier, then that's a performance enhancing drug. But otherwise, that has nothing to do with his act. But pot is a performance enhancing drug when it comes to that. So asterisk.

So asterisk prior and asterisk Carlin. Don't asterisk Cos prior and asterisks Carlin. Don't asterisks cause me because he probably did smoke pot too. But if he came out now and goes, I'd like to admit pot. Oh, wow. People are like, no. I would like to have a confession. I smoke pot.

When I do, I feel bad about some of the things I did. I want to talk about those things. So this proves that I'm willing to admit bad things. And that's all I'm willing to admit bad things and that's all I'm willing to admit so Must be all there is but that was the worst borderline black person's slash Bill Cosby impression that we both did Oh my god horrible horrible impression. I can't do it I'm not I can't do Cosby remember Thomas Ward. He could do a fucking Cosby. He's a Cosby in a porn. That's right That's right. Fuck it fucking Cosby he did Cosby in a porn that's right that's right he didn't fuck in it

but he played Cosby in a porn I saw it on the shelves yeah at the old hustler well he used to do it at the store he used to do Cosby at the store god crazy

hey we're doing if you want to come you can just pop in if you want but we're doing comedy store stories in the belly room when? in a couple Tuesdays in a couple Tuesdays?

yeah yeah let me know in advance if I can make it that. Okay. And it's just going to be Pete Eleanor. Ask Dom. I just got the idea when you said it. It's a good idea. Telling fucking shit that's happened at the store. Yeah, there's probably some really fun shit. Short stories. Just get a bunch of people. Have it remind you of other stuff. I wonder if anybody's going to

I would like to hear Carl LeBeau tell his ghost story. You ever heard his ghost story? Uh-uh. I wonder how much of his bullshit. I'd like to sit that dude down to lie to text. I know the answers to all of it because it's no ghost. So if you're telling me a ghost story, You ever heard his ghost story? Uh-uh. I wonder how much of his bullshit. I'd like to sit that dude down to a lie detection test. I know the answers to all of it because it's no ghost, so if you're telling me a ghost story, unless it ends with

someone pulled off a sheet, then... I have some theories, and I'm going to share them with you. Okay. Carla Bow has this great story, and I remember he told it

one night at the comedy store. There was some special night. I forget what the night was all about, but it wasn't just a comedy night. There was like a movie they were playing

or something like that, and I was in the back of the room and Carla Bo had the audience captivated. And he was telling the story about how, when he was broke and when he was down on his luck and is his comedy career was going nowhere, you know, maybe his personal life, he had issues, like everything was all fucked up, but he showed up at the comedy store cause he had the keys because he worked there. And he said, I'm just going to go sleep on the stage, man, because this is where I'm going to fucking make my dreams happen. I'm going to sleep right here on the stage. And so he said he went to sleep, and he's lying on the stage.

And I'm so sorry if he gets offended at me telling a story. He tells it way better. You want to hear it from him. And he said that he was lying there on the stage and that he heard the door open yeah and he waited and he didn't hear anything and it's totally dark shuts all the lights out so he can go to sleep yeah and he says uh hey uh it's me carl i'm in here i let myself in i got uh i got kicked out of my apartment right he doesn't hear anything it's total darkness out there and and he hears like a little thump or click like you can

tell that someone's in the room he's like hello it's uh it's uh carla bowes here you know so and then he says he hears like chairs moving like like someone's coming towards him yeah and he can't see because the room's totally dark so he opens his eyes and he lifts his head up and something grabs his ankle and pulls him off the stage and onto the ground. And then he hears running and then he hears a door slam and that's it. And he said he never saw anybody. And he tells it to you and it makes a fucking hair stand on your forearm. I love those stories. But this is why I love it.

He was doing drugs with Sam Kinison. When you talk to Mark Maron, have you heard of Mark Maron's Sam Kinison story? I love those stories. Wow. But this is why I love it. He was doing drugs with Sam Kinnison. Right. Yeah. When you talk to Mark Maron, have you heard of Mark Maron, Sam Kinnison's story? He was hearing voices in his head for a year. Right. That's how hard Kinnison party. And it's at the comedy store.

I saw things fall. I'm like, well, I've seen comics hide back there waiting to scare other comics. So what's more likely? Especially if they knew that you were going back there because you were drunk. There's a four checks in there? Yeah, exactly. Or a comic fucking with somebody. What's more likely Yeah, exactly. Or a comic fucking with somebody. What's more likely?

It's 100% a comic fucking with you. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. But it's a great story because in his world, that's reality. It was a great story. I'm telling you, man. When he told it to me, my fucking... Yeah, in his mind, that is what happened.

He's decided to look no further. His story about seeing Sam die, too, was like tough. Yeah. Yeah, that's awful. That's awful shit, man. That's awful shit. Have you seen the Ali Sadiq story yet? Who?

Ali Sadiq. No. It's his Houston comic. Talking about finding other comics and stuff. Yeah. And it's on your show? Yeah. Killed it.

There's some good comedy out there. It's like when you see somebody doing a good story. Him, Larson, Big Jay, Diaz, of you see somebody doing like a good story Larson Big Jay Diaz of course Big Jay is amazing Burt Big Jay's stories are really good

he's such a natural storyteller I really enjoy watching that guy do your show I enjoy talking to him he's a natural like storyteller

type dude he's great at riffing too yeah but he's he goes into a story and it's like everyone's like the waitresses

everyone's like looking and listening and it's like they're just fucking great that one he told about the dog was the one I wanted to do Like two years ago on the show. Oh really yeah, but he was like no I think he's ever a special, but then no one gave him a special. He's like okay. I'll put it on something I was like thank you. Yes, awesome. That's a good idea man. Yeah Hey, but he could he's one of those guys like there's certain guys that are really funny and their material like the subject matter becomes like just

a scaffolding for funny shit. And that's like with him. Like that guy should just keep putting things out as much as possible just build up this

mountain. Yeah, he did a crowd work album. He's got podcasts and stuff but it's like yeah he needs more clips. Yeah, there's a good crop of those guys

out there now. There's like a real good crop of like really funny guys i mean metzger which i don't know if just because i made friends with them from the nasty shows in montreal i did it one year then two years later i did it again and those guys were like the at my level guys so i hung out the most you know just look to one year but like um i just think they're amazing yeah but i don't know if it's because i'm friends with them or not but they're both like on such a high level him and Metzger

well it's like what I was saying about you when you first started it's just a matter of just putting in the time getting people to see you I guess you see a guy's funny

they put in the time they do a lot of sets they keep working on their act everything you do whether it's playing the harmonica or fucking yeah if you put enough time

put enough time in you just get better at it you get better shoot a video shoot a camera at it you get better She's a video of it Which one he broke down crying he'd send some deal fall through and so he's on a podcast and cried about it So then his podcast that he's been doing for Legion of skanks They had a bunch of comics like record videos for making fun of him crying Do you can you find the one I made of them and play that for Joe?

So I just sat there for like 45 minutes trying to come up with something good to do for him. Like a 60 second video. And then, here's my point. Lewis put it up online. That's why I don't care. Put up that sniper shit. Okay. I gotta ask Segura if it's okay.

You're holding a chihuahua? You're not gonna win a championship. Get out of your fucking mind. Alright, listen, notable president Barack Obama. I can't talk right now. I gotta make a video for Big Jay Oakerson. Yeah, the guy from the crying video. That's absolute. No, dude, you can't

use words like that anymore. Big Jay is a homophobic word. It's homophobic. Whatever. We all learn. I'll talk to you later, Bucky. What's up, Big Jay? Heard about the deal. That fucking sucks, bro. That fucking sucks. that fucking sucks this business never stop shitting on your fucking grave i get it i get it i got a deal right now with my own

billboard being up on sunset boulevard giant 30-foot picture of my face staring down sunset from my right in front of my old apartment building. And I'm not going to comment. Go cry to your mother, bitch. Here's the business, and here's Big Jay. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. What are you doing?

No, Ari. This is wrong. That's wrong. And I think it's illegal. We probably shouldn't have showed that. You're going to get in trouble. You made a dog touch your ass with its face? I think it's sexual. Just say it wasn't sexual to you.

It's not sexual to you. It definitely wasn't sexual. Okay. It seemed like it was some sort of bestiality. We should end the podcast and edit that out. We're going to have to edit that out. We'll be back. We'll be right back.

We're going to have to edit it out. You're going to get in jail for making a dog lick your butt. I wonder if it's totally legal. I don't think it would be a problem. No one can do anything about it. But you were holding it. It was very rapey. He didn't want to go anywhere.

He didn't want to be there. For sure it was like, oh. I'm not opening my mouth on this. But here's what we say. His personal freedom is not worth as much as how funny that was. Yeah. Yeah, and that's what a comic will say and a PETA person won't. Exactly.

You're going to have PETA showing up at your shows before they show up at mine. PETA. I'm just eating animals. Who's the first to get PETA? I'm just shooting them and eating them. Oh, yeah. You're making them lick your ass. Have they contacted you saying, fucking cool it?

They kill a lot of animals themselves. Oh, yeah. They put cats and dogs down. I'm sure they don't want to. Duncan and I went time when he was probably dating some vegan. It was like 10, 12 years ago. He knew a PETA. I think his brother might have worked for PETA.

We went down to some store, some high-priced store in Beverly Hills, and a Prada store. And they were selling like seal skin coats or something baby seal skin so somebody dressed up like a seal and we beat the fuck

out of them with rubber with rubber bats oh how rude and sprayed blood on them it was great so rude it was so much fun

right in front of the Prada store and they're like we didn't do it we just they give us whatever they give us I'm just the manager here

that's so rude it was great it was so much fun press came so you're committed to never I'm just the manager here. That's so rude. It was great. It was so much fun. Press came. So you're committed to never compromising and becoming a different person, like maybe perhaps someone who could host a talent show on television. Yeah, I'm committed to that. But here's the deal.

I'll eventually get swayed. You think so? I'll become older. I'll lose my touch. I see everybody do it. Eventually they eventually get swayed. I'll become older. I'll lose my touch. I see everybody do it. Eventually they just start coasting. And they do shit that's good enough. I don't think so, dude.

I'll do this one for the money. You don't have to. No, you don't have to, but a lot of people do it. Bukowski never did it. He was poor in the end. Well, maybe not in the end. He probably had all those books. I don't know, man. I definitely sold out a lot when I did fear factor i did a lot of selling out but you weren't doing something that i didn't want to do for money so that is essentially you're selling your time but here's

the problem here's the difference there you were doing something which i assume correct me if i'm wrong but i assume you thought what you were doing was funny uh and i agree that it was no no no not fear factor oh i was talking about news Radio Oh Fear Factor Oh no no News Radio I'm very proud of Fear Factor was just a day job It was just a lot of money There was no way to pass on it But what I made sure

That I never did But you weren't doing Corny jokes for that No They weren't making you Do corny shit No they weren't making me Do corny shit

But I didn't change my stand up Right My stand up I did exactly the same way I would have done it Whether I had a TV show or not Yeah that's true I mean when you have a show That's like a lot of kids watch that show and you know there was

like a lot of yeah i bet you could have gotten a wider audience if you just started doing super safer shit then because you were on an nbc show i bet you could attract all those people to come see you in the theater when you weren't doing theaters um but if you mortgaged who you were yeah i would have to really like change my act entirely i know a lot of those family comics who want to talk about dark shit but they're like i got this audience where i can't yeah that's the fucking death of you man as an artist that's the death of you that's the death knowing who your audience is is the worst if you get fired it's a good story it's you know look you only did it in the first place to make money but just pretend you never got the job in the first place you got a nice little boost in

your uh publicity because you got fired for doing what you love to do yes then it's fine show and it's fine yeah i don't know i just feel like things people change dude this is what i think that's what it is too people change they're not quite as like big time well it's not even not even quite as big time like what they think is different than what they thought when they were 20 or 30 or 40 or 50, like, like the Howard Stern thing. That's true too.

He, he's just a different dude. But I think that's part of losing, losing relevancy. Is that relevant? I mean, how many old people? It's you that is not relevant to.

Maybe it's, maybe that's what it means. Maybe being, not being relevant means you're not relevant to a spending, you know, they have demographic and the 18 to 35 year old boys is like big because they're doing the spending. Because they're nuts. They don't have wives. So you're relevant to like a Matlock type crowd

when it's like they don't... Matlock? You know, people who watch Matlock. Matlock isn't on TV? You're using like references that were out of date when I was coming out. When I was like 15 that's what that was. I don't know what the new shows for old people are.

I know what it is. It's America's Got Talent. Oh, how dare you. So you're doing stuff for old people and they're not spenders. They're not going to go see movies. Do you agree that he's like the most important radio guy of all time? I would probably say that, yeah. Yeah.

Other than the guy who invented the radio. Yeah. Yeah. He's the most important. Yeah, for sure. Because he changed the way everybody talks. I don't want to take away his legacy. I want to stop talking about him. How dare that's what it is i want to talk about

in the past i mean not right now i mean as like he was one of the best if he had died 15 years ago you there would be nothing new bad coming in wow so you wouldn't have to like disparage him so he's just in that same thing with dane with all these people that have had their peak and now they're on the downturn and they're like don't don't shit on me. But it's like, we're not shitting on you. We're just really revering where you were at your height. It was amazing. A baseball player is not quite as good. Doesn't mean he wasn't the best for four years in a row, you know, seven years ago.

Right. And now you're just a contributing player. It's not like, fuck you, contributing player. It's like, you were amazing for a while. That's awesome. That's going to happen no matter what, though. Yeah. Especially with athletes. Athletes is the real big one. I mean, it's's awesome. That's going to happen no matter what, though. Yeah. Especially with athletes.

Athletes is the real big one. I mean, it's just like. It's going to happen. And then you're the greatest of all time. It reveres you. And then you get caught taking steroids at two different occasions during a training camp. I can tell you about that. I'll tell you a story when we get off air.

I can tell you on air. You're going to go, oh. All right. All right. Could be more of the story. I'm not i'm not under uh okay but let me ask you a question and you don't have to answer this at all but why who i love john jones but why does he not get suspended for coke and nick diaz gets suspended every time for weed in a legal state i can try to eliminate for that um there is out of contest testing and then there's in contest testing.

Oh, so if you're on it while you're. Yes. If you, if he was under the influence of cocaine. And by the way, I think cocaine should be totally not something that UFC should worry about either. Yeah. I think that's like a law thing that they should not test for. Well, maybe, but if you give somebody cocaine and they're in a fight and they're getting

their ass kicked or they're, it's a really brutal fight and they're worn out yeah you gave them cocaine like they they believe happened with aaron pryor when he fought alexis arguello really this guy yeah they gave him coke in the middle of a fight this is what the thought is the thought is that's different then but go ahead um alexis arguello and aaron pryor had this fucking amazing fight aaron prryor went on to become, I mean, he was a world champion at the time, but he went on to become a junkie. He was a coke head. He had a real big, big problem with coke. His life fell apart.

But when he was on, he was an amazing fighter. This guy Panama Lewis is in his corner, and he asked for the bottle. It was not that one, the other one that I mixed. Oh, really? They give him this bottle. I think it was a black bottle. He drinks from this bottle, and he comes out and fucking destroys Arguello, puts him away in the next round.

And the question was, was there an illegal substance in that bottle, or was it just total coincidence that Aaron Pryor came out and destroyed him? It was a bottle that he mixed. It could have been coconut water. We don't know. If he didn't destroy him, no one would have thought twice about the second bottle. But here's the problem. That same guy was involved in a fight where these two guys,

one of them, I believe his name was Billy Resto, and another one was, I forget his name, but he was a young Irish kid, and he was a really good fighter, and he was an up-and-coming prospect, and he fought this guy, Louis Resto? Yeah, Louis Resto and Billy Collins Jr., I think it was. Yeah, my memory is like a fucking steel trap, son.

And Louis Resto just fucked this kid up. He was a guy that was supposed to be like a journeyman. Yeah, he fucked him up. He fucked him up and he was hurting him with every punch he threw. And he was telling his corner, you know, like, this guy is hurting me with every punch he throws. And they were like, this guy's not a big puncher. Like, this is kind of crazy. After the fight, the father goes up to this resto guy

and grabs his glove, and there's no padding in his gloves. Oh. They pulled the padding out of the gloves. The same trainer, Panama Lewis, was the guy, and he was banned for life from boxing. He wound up working with Mike Tyson later on in his career. And when he worked with Mike Tyson, like he couldn't do the corner. Like I don't.

He wasn't allowed. No, he wasn't allowed. Wow. So I don't know how much work he did with him or it might not have been any, might have been trying to get relevant again. But so it kind of lends at least a little bit of suspicion to the Aaron Pryor incident and the fact that Pryor became a cocaine addict. But it's always been a subject bit of suspicion. Yeah to the Aaron Pryor incident and the fact that prior became a cocaine addict But it's always been a subject of extreme controversy. Maybe that yeah, they shouldn't have it in competition

Cuz I could see that helping you actually yeah Jesus Christ, you okay? He panicked he panicked you would think a man with a billboard would be a little more cool Motherfuckers got a billboard We should probably find that clip for the folks while they're listening here find a clip of Aaron Pryor the secret bottle with Panama Lewis because there's a there's like a video of it if you're a boxing historian you might already know about this because it's probably one of the most important like controversies in the history. Another one is when Ali, when Muhammad Ali was young,

he fought Henry Cooper, who was this British gentleman, who was an excellent fighter as well. And Henry Cooper hit Ali with a fucking left hook that was on the button, sat him on his ass, and really had him fucked up. I mean, he was really hurt. And in their corner, Angelo Dundee cut Ali's gloves so that, uh, cut his gloves. So they had to change his gloves. Like his gloves are cut.

We got to change the gloves. He got cut his fucking glove in the corner because Henry Cooper blasted Ali into fucking La La Land. Oh, so they got him extra time? Yeah. Pull that. That's actually more interesting. Watch Henry Cooper KOs Muhammad Ali. Pull pull that. That's actually more interesting. Watch Henry Cooper

K.O.'s Muhammad Ali. Pull this video up because this is pretty interesting. Another thing that's interesting is that I'll be at the Improv this weekend in Sacramento

at the end of the month. Go to rothegate.com for tickets. Snuck that shit in! That's how you do a plug! This is when Ali was cashless clays before he became

Muhammad Ali. They cut it to save time to to help, like, achieve. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, he got hit by this guy. Henry Cooper was famous for his left hook. Cracks Ali when he was cashless clay on the button. Drops him.

And then Muhammad Ali sits down in between rounds. Here you go. We'll play it. You'll hear it. Watch this. Oh, Jesus. Knocked him through the ropes. Dude.

It's right at the bell. So he got up. Like, it's literally at the buzzer. See, what they're not playing now, this is... They didn't show the controversy because it was right after that yeah it didn't they didn't go right to the next round like there they edited out all that shit this is this is try to i don't know if somebody did this to try to protect his legacy or if they wanted to uh they just didn't you know they were muhammad ali fans

they want to highlight the good stuff but but in between rounds after Henry Cooper dropped him his corner bottom time They cut the gloves Angelo Dundee it just took the sicker razor cut it so like hey We can't fight it got to change the gloves, and I think he might have even had to run to the back to change the gloves Let me see if it's uh But that was like probably the most but that was like probably the most famous of all the controversies next to the end. And what, he beat him at the next round? Yeah, well, he cut him.

And when he cut him, they wound up stopping the fight because Ali was just boxing him up with punches. I don't know. I think he eventually cut him, but it was the punch that dropped him which was the crazy thing so that's why they would ban because Nick Diaz was on weed while he was fighting

yeah the difference between fighting when you're on weed and by the way they changed the amount that you could have like it used to be much lower threshold like you'd have trace elements of marijuana and they would say you tested positive for marijuana but they raised the threshold and nick diaz was still three times over the limit he's not like he's a guy who's even saying i

don't take it he's fully admitting all the time like yeah i smoke weed all the time let's see if they play it here this is in between rounds let's see gloves controversy still half out yeah boom look at that punch I mean he literally sat him down on his ass on his ass. See they're putting smelling salts on him. He doesn't know where he is. He couldn't fight like that.

Listen. so they bought him all that time so instead of it being a minute in between rounds, I mean, I don't know how long it was. I think he was going over to the timekeeper to ask him something. It probably took some out of that. Yeah, it looked like it. They probably edited a little bit of something out of that. I wonder how long it took.

Yeah, it is interesting, man. I mean, we think of, especially boxing. Stuff of lore. Yeah, you don't want to think that he got knocked down he had to get to the top by being the best ever he had to win all the fights he had to be undefeated that's what everybody wanted they wanted that guy who's never been touched yeah we don't you don't want a guy that has a knockout loss to me it's so much more interesting when the champions when they go back and forth like it seemed like the raging bull

days and stuff where it's like yeah you have three four or five losses so does somebody else but you guys are the best two in the world you know you've avenged all your losses avenged i don't know something like that where you can be touched yeah did angelo dundee you smelling salts under clay's nose that which was illegal. Oh. Yeah. Oh. A spare set of gloves. So they did definitely change his gloves. It was three to five minutes.

That probably took some out of that. Yeah. They took it out of it. Delaying the start of the fifth round, Cooper has always insisted the delay lasted anywhere but three to five minutes and denied him the chance to try to knock out Clay. If he didn't even know what time it was, that's when they showed the replay in that clip. If he didn't know where he was, he would have been gone that next round. As soon as it started, he would have been out.

Maybe one haymaker try and that's it. It's interesting, man. It's interesting. It's crazy that that changed the course of history. And for the other guy, too, for that British guy. Oh, fuck, yeah. Fuck, he's like, I could have beaten Ali, and I did, but no one fucking ever knows it.

Yeah, I mean, basically, he was like, I could have beaten Ali. And I did, but no one fucking ever knows it. Yeah. I mean, basically, he was like one punch away from a KO victory. Yeah. But who knows if he would have landed that punch at the beginning of the round. Legit. I mean, who knows if Ali wouldn't have been able to tie him out. They brought him three to five minutes. He didn't know where he was.

He didn't know where he was. And they used smelling salts. They were about to bring him out. You get one minute, right? Yeah. They were about to bring him out. Come on. He was gone.

It's illegal. It's definitely illegal. You can't do that shit dude I was at your place once your old place and uh we were watching some some Pride

and then uh it ended early the recording ended early DVR fucked it up right DVRs do fuck stuff up so well especially if you don't tell them to like

record longer an extra five like it didn't used to be an option you used to have to record the next show in order to get it all oh okay but um so we got some pride event and it didn't finish the championship fight it didn't record that everything else went longer you know uh so you're like fuck we're all disappointed i remember i forgot who the fight was but you're like oh there's some there's some heavyweight title fight for one belt or something. We can watch that.

I have that recorded. We watched that. And after watching a bunch of mixed martial arts, it was so boring. And it was a decent fight. But it was so boring. Yeah, there can be a lot of boredom watching fights, man. Only hands? Well, if a guy's not a destroyer like tyson was in that video yeah you

watch tyson in that video that was smashing all those guys he was just a different dude but there was two like nbc made a good though because they fucking sprawl but the heavyweights just hug well mayweather and pacquiao will be exciting just because the sheer magnitude of the historical event i mean that's a giant historical event, those two guys getting down finally. It'll be something that you watch just for that. But when it all said and done, are you going to watch it a second time? I've watched a lot of MMA fights a second time and a third time. It's interesting.

There's only a few boxing fights that I'll do that with. But this weekend they made a big play on NBC. They had NBC live fights. They're having live fights. What, boxing? Yeah, they're having live world-class boxing. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, so they had. They used to live fights. They're having live fights. What, boxing? Yeah, they're having live world-class boxing. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, so they had...

They used to have that. I remember you used to watch it. It was just like... So they're doing it again. Showtime or something? Well, I think NBC is recognized. I mean, didn't they have The Contender? Was that NBC?

The boxing show? Not possibly. Might be ABC. I don't know. Oxygen Network? Anyway. They have that. I think they see the UFC does really good numbers on Fox and like, hey, you know, there's some big name fights out there to be made.

So they put together some, you know, pretty deep. Adrian Broner versus John Molina went to a decision. Boring fight. And then they put this guy, Keith Thurman, who's this knockout artist versus Robert Guerrera. That went to decision. Good fight, but still went to a decision. Oh, nice. But the Adrian Broner fight was like he was just kind of poking at him, poking at him, poking at him.

Like it never really had any danger. He just played it safe. Yeah, lame. Yeah, it wasn't fun to watch. It was artistic. He fights like that too, but. There's an art to it, certainly. There's a method to his martial art, you know, watching him using his boxing.

But, you know, I want to watch a guy like Pacquiao that goes and fucks people up. That's what I like. One of the things you like watching about Pacquiao, he puts combinations on motherfuckers. Yeah, it's hard to. Yeah. I'm going to Thailand. I want to go watch a fucking kickboxing fight in Thailand. Dude, you got to bet.

You got to make videos of you betting. Betting? Yeah, betting. Bet. Bet it all Yeah here knock so cow Did I win or lose? I don't know what I bet on Yeah, just bring some some cow Thai lady boys with you to decipher everything for you. Oh, right. Yeah hire them

Yeah, and film it with vice vice go there lady boy Yeah chaperone if you is in a three-piece suit because you have money now and decide to go to Thailand and live up your dreams, which is to go to see an MMA fight or a Muay Thai fight with some Thai lady boys. Yeah. And they teach you how to bet. Fuck yeah, I'll make a video of that. Fuck yeah.

And with that note, ladies and gentlemen, this week, this is not happening. It's 1230 a.m on thursday evenings um you are special right after that midnight my special one of them is available right now yeah it's also it's available for pre-sale right now already great but this special is the one i did this is the first special after i did my cd where i was like let me try to write a new hour starting now let me see if i can do this in a year really concentrate and that's when i my first year on the road.

So I was able to really get a lot more time. And that's when I did The Knitting Factory. It was limited release where nobody saw it. So I'm doing it for however much you want to pay. If you already paid for it, it's a minimum of a dollar. Then pay a dollar if you can't find any more. And if you really love it, then give me 50 bucks.

Whatever the fuck you want. They were like, I don't know about this. I was like, let's just try it as a method let's try it and see if people will pay or not they'll pay yeah it's good stuff man and it's a it's for you as a as a comic it's like it represents like what you really just sort of launched yourself you really sort of with with hard work and focus you just became a much better comic and you started killing and you started headlining on the road and you started developing an audience and through podcasts and all this shit it's all just sort of come together man i have one or two bits in there that i'm like fuck yeah i'm really proud of those just chicken bit you'll see the comics again they did i was like it's eight and a half minutes can

you please put the whole bit in there and they were like yes thank you that's awesome yeah so watch it at midnight this fr Friday night or wherever you are. And go to AriTheGreat.com for tour dates and all that shit. He's traveling all over the place. Right. Sacramento. Australia. He's going to Australia.

He gives zero fucks. Washington, D.C. Tons of places. Ari motherfucking Shafir. All right, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks. Thanks, everybody. Take care.

We'll see you soon. Much love. He's still doing the show, too, Joe. I love it. Yeah.. Thanks, everybody. Take care. We'll see you soon. Much love. You're still doing the show, too, Joe. I love it. Yeah. Big kiss, everybody. Big kiss.