The Joe Rogan Experience - #626 - Trevor Moore

Episode Date: March 17, 2015

Trevor Moore is a actor, comedian, writer, director, producer and musician, best known as the founding member of the comedy troupe The Whitest Kids U' Know. His latest special "High on Church" is available now at trevormoore.comedydirect.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Showing by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Trevor Moore, ladies and gentlemen. Trevor walked in. The first thing he said is, I have one of these electronic cigarettes. Do you mind if I take a hit off of it? And just synchronicity, it was just when Jamie put together this thing that this dude sent me that you could kind of lift weights with.

That's insane. You could fucking kill somebody with this for sure. Because it's very heavy, and there's all these sharp edges. For the folks at home that are not watching, they're just listening, this is so unnecessary. It must weigh, I would say, a pound, maybe two? Two pounds, maybe? You need like a briefcase for it. How much would you say that weighs, if you had to guess?

Like a pound, maybe? Yeah, more than that, I would feel like. Yeah, maybe two pounds. Yeah, this is the heaviest one of these I've ever seen. So fucking stupid. And so you take take it's it's Tobacco and you you know you press the button the bottom has a button and you take it It's like it doesn't really supposed to be sucking on that thing

It looks like like an exhaust for a very small car Yeah, I mean it might as well have like if it's gonna be like that It might as well have like a brass knuckles component. Yeah, so it could be like a self-defense weapon Yeah, like a key ring and you know like right try getting on a fucking plane Try telling the people on the plane. This is my beep. I'm a part of beep culture and I like beeping So I'm keeping this on a plane A dude came up to me at Improv and was talking to me He had one of those. Yours sounds cool.

Yours has a weird tone to it. Yeah, Jamie said it sounded like Darth Vader's voice. It's Darth Vader whispering. It's a quiet Darth Vader. This doesn't really have much of a noise. Play mine here. Mine is just the sound of breathing. And then a giant puff of smoke.

Yours doesn't have as much smoke either. No. I think my coils are bad. I've got to redo the coils. Bad coils, man. What is... You know, this started off with those little fake cigarette jammies. Yeah. Like those blue cigarettes.

Well, I've been doing this since 2007. You early adopter. I know. Well, if they find out that something's wrong with these, I'm like, post. Like, you know, because it takes like 20 years to actually figure out if something's wrong with something. Where they go, hey, whoa, this is, stop. Yeah. Everybody, hold on.

But when I started, you had to get them from England. Like, yeah, you would order it. My friend was a comic who was like, you know, I was smoking too much. And he was like, I just quit. I started doing this stuff. And you order it my friend was a comic who was like you know I was smoking too much And he and he was like I just quit I started doing this stuff And you order it from England and they would send it in Even like vials although the nicotine liquid and they had all these gloves that would come with it And it would say they had this book that was like if you get this on your hands And it absorbs in it can give you a heart attack

Yeah, I don't know if it was they were just being like, you know over cautious or whatever But I was like, you know every time I had to fill it I was in the bathroom like making sure there's people in my house like alright if I get this on my hands run me to The hospital or something so ridiculous That's so if you get it on your hand you'll die. Wow, how potent could that be? I don't know this stuff He sent me little bottles of this jazz. This one says strawberry custard. Yeah, that's the thing now.

It's all fruit flavors. I do the pipe tobacco flavored. It might say strawberry custom. This is shitty handwriting. You're smoking on crunchberry. Crunchberry? Yeah. What does that say? Does it say custom or custard? Custard. Custard. Yeah. Sh shitty handwriting. You're smoking on Crunchberry. Crunchberry? Yeah. Like, what does that say?

Does it say custom or custard? Custard. Custard. Yeah. Shitty handwriting. Strawberry custard. You should think someone would print that out. This is like the beta.

This is the test. Yeah, I'm not sure about this. Well, I like puffing on those little blue cigarettes, like, before I do stand-up. Because I feel like it gives you, like, because I Because I know nicotine, it's one of the things I read in Stephen King's book on writing. It's a great book. Have you ever read it? No. It's Stephen King's sort of like

I think he calls it a memoir of the craft or something along those lines. But it's basically talking all about his writing habits and just the discipline of writing and what you should and shouldn't do and how he started out writing. And it's really, really inspiring. Great book. But one of the things in the book, he talks about cigarettes. And he just thought when he quit smoking cigarettes,

it had an adverse effect on his writing. He felt like his synapses didn't fire up as well. And I thought that was really interesting. So I started reading up on nicotine and nicotine's effect on the brain and it's kind of a bit of a cognitive enhancer mm-hmm you know it's a bit of a stimulant it well yeah and it's one of the things like one of the good things about nicotine that they don't really talk about that much is that they think that it staves off Alzheimer's that's crazy it's like or there's some some sort of correlation between smoking and less likely to get Alzheimer's. Maybe the cancer is doing battle with the Alzheimer's.

Cancer eats off. So they go to war, and then your body survives because it's a battlefield. Or that could be everyone dies before the age where you usually get Alzheimer's. Well, have you heard of that? They're doing things like they're shooting HIV into cancer, and it's killing cancer. Oh, really? Yeah. There's all these weird, bizarre studies that they're doing now or tests where they're injecting tumors and different really fucked up parts of your body with other diseases.

And the other diseases are attacking the fucked up parts of your body. But then do you have AIDS? Don't worry about AIDS. You've got cancer. You're going to die of cancer. I know, but right. People live with AIDS. Magic Johnson looks great. It's not AIDS. You're going to die of cancer. I know, but like. People live with AIDS. Magic Johnson looks great.

It's not AIDS. It's HIV. HIV. But does that make you HIV positive? I don't think so. I think it's an inert form of HIV. Okay. Allegedly.

I don't know. Some people don't, you know, I mean, if you're going to die of cancer, if you had a choice between like pancreatic cancer or HIV, you should take HIV all day. Right. Because they got that thing pretty nailed down. Like I have a friend who I've known for maybe 20 years. And he's been HIV positive for like most of that time. And he's great.

He's fine. He's fine. He's normal. I mean, you see him. He's always laughing and there's nothing wrong with him. It's weird. When was the turn for that? Was it like, I don't know. It's, it's like last 10 years, right? Where all of a sudden it's not as, not, not to say it's not as big of a deal, but like, it's a certainly less of it. It's certainly less of a death sentence. Yeah. I

don't think it's a death sentence at all anymore. I mean, it's a testament to science, these protease inhibitors and all these different things that they figured out how to stunt the progress of HIV. It's super controversial because there's been a lot of like weird correlations between the crushing of the immune system. Like obviously, everyone's in agreement that HIV or most people are in agreement that HIV is what causes AIDS. But there's a bunch of people that say, well, it's that maybe. But there's also this thing about partying that like in the gay community, especially there's rampant drug abuse. Like and that for whatever reason, people don't want to factor that in. And there was this guy that I had on the podcast that I think had a faulty connection.

And he's actually a biologist at the University of California, Berkeley. His name is Peter Duesberg. And he's super controversial because he doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. He thinks that AIDS is, you know, AIDS being immune deficiency syndrome, acquired immune deficiency syndrome. And he believes that it is directly correlated with partying, directly correlated with use of crystal meth, with poppers, amyl nitrate, crushing the immune system. And no other scientists support him.

No credible scientists support him. So we had him on the podcast. He was pretty convincing to an idiot like me with zero medical or biological studying. But the more I talked to people who understand, no one wanted to debate him, which is really interesting. But I think it's kind of like debating a Holocaust denier. It's a controversial, yeah, you don't want to. You don't even want to give him any credit. So he's got tenure at University of California, Berkeley, but he can't get any funding anymore. Nobody wants to have anything to do with him.

And apparently he's done tremendous work with cancer. But because of this whole HIV-AIDS connection thing, he's kind of blackballed. And I was in touch with a lot of scientists after this was over. It was really interesting because people got really upset with that podcast, uh, with him on that podcast and then me giving him a platform. And I'm like, look, man, the guy was in spin magazine. He's, you know, he's been, he's written a bunch of articles about this. I just wanted to hear what he had to say about it. So having him on was pretty interesting, but I think it's, I don't think he's right, but I think he has a point in that it's gotta have an adverse effect on your body and gay people like to party. I mean think it's, I don't think he's right, but I think he has a point in that it's got to have an adverse effect on your body.

And gay people like to party. I mean, it's just a fact. You know, and crystal meth use and amyl nitrate use is like, those are devastating to your immune system. So if you've already got something going on. You're more susceptible. Yes. Yeah. But that doesn't, it doesn't get factored in very often and I think that's where duisburg

Because he kind of brings that up. I think you know, it kind of gives The whole thing is a little bit cloudy because of that and because it doesn't get factored in But uh that shit's super super bad for your body hiv. No partying the partying all that, you know, the Poppers and crystal meth and all that shit. It's just like, you know, gay people don't have kids. Or if they do have kids, it's rare. You know, they're out there having a good fucking time. You know? Just doing meth and banging each other. Getting sick. on this a couple of conspiracy theory boards um just because i'm like fascinated by it like i just it's one of my favorite things in the world are these conspiracy theories like even ones i don't believe in i just love them like my favorite one ever is um there's a whole bunch of people out there who actually think that lady gaga is john bonnet ramsey oh good lord yeah like for real yeah

like there's a whole bunch of people that think that and so it's like those things where they put up the pictures where they show like the eye like like the eyes are the same, you know, distance across and like that kind of thing. But there's one, there's a whole group of people who don't think Magic Johnson ever had HIV. They think that it was a kind of almost a PR campaign to get awareness out. Really? Yeah. I don't believe that, but it's like, it's a fascinating conspiracy theory that where people are just like it was A huge problem. It was a problem in like inner cities, and he was the biggest guy at the time

He was kind of like this huge role model and for somebody like him to come out and say I have HIV Then like that it could be like a big kind of get awareness out kind of thing. That's like he conspired That's what that's I mean, why would he do that? Yeah, but it's a big, it's a conspiracy theory. That's so ridiculous. Well,

he's one of the few guys that was reportedly heterosexual that got it. You know, like, did you ever see Sam Kinison's bit? Sam Kinison,

you hear the crackle, ladies and gentlemen? Going in. I'll go in too and support solidarity. Whoa. Oh yeah, synapses. The, um, fuck, what was I saying?

Sam Kinison. Sam Kinison had a bit about it. You know, cause he made fun of AIDS and they say Sam, you know, AIDS is a communicable disease, heterosexuals die too. He goes, name one! Name one fucking guy! It's not our dance um you know but really there's not that many there's a very few i mean when i was a kid and i heard

about magic johnson getting hiv i remember thinking oh my god everyone's gonna have aids and like maybe a year or two later i got health insurance and i had to get an AIDS test. And I was fucking terrified, just thinking of all the drunken, poor choices with no condom. And oh my goodness, it's going to happen. I have AIDS. I'm only 25. I have AIDS. Shit. And then I didn't have AIDS. So I was super psyched. But then I started looking into it. It's like this almost like very very few heterosexual people that aren't intravenous drug users Users yeah, they get AIDS. Yeah, I mean, I mean I remember like when I was a kid it was there they Treated it like it was you know, you have sex without a condom once you're gonna get it's gonna happen It's just it's an inevitable, you know kind of thing and now I think now they're kind of backing off that a little bit

Where it's like well It's actually not I think it's way more easy for a woman because obviously the woman takes sperm into her body And her body absorbs it or gay men because you're in gay man Even you're taking it in your ass, and you're not supposed to have come in your ass What's that? It's on. Oh just sitting it down. Yeah, maybe oh Just this stupid fucking thing is so heavy. There's probably a safety on it. Mine has a safety on the bottom.

There's no safety on this piece of shit. Oh my god, it's so hot. Oh my god, if I lick that right now, if I tried to suck on it, it would probably burn. I can't even set it down. I gotta set it down sideways. You can't set this. For people at home that are listening, which is most people... Let me see it.

You... Yeah, the top of it is super hot. See, there's a safety right here. So you spin that down. Oh, no, I'm taking it off. That's a lot of safety. That's a battery. Well, mine has a...

Yours is better. Mine has a thing where you... Don't do it like that! See, you're doing it again. Smoke started coming out of the top. This thing... I'm trying to describe it. know what it looks like it looks like a spaceship in a shitty 1990s sci-fi movie that's what it looks like that could be some sort of a spaceship like you know yeah, it's fucking horrible

AIDS where were we it's conspiracy theories AIDS Yeah, I don't know what it was I remember we're talking about but the JonBenet thing is interesting Where were we? AIDS. Conspiracy theories, AIDS. Yeah, I don't remember what it was. I don't remember what we were talking about. But the JonBenet thing is interesting. When I was living in Colorado, I actually looked at her house, the house that she was killed in. I didn't look at it in person, but it was for sale. And I was like, wow, what a beautiful house. I was like, this is pretty reasonable for what it is.

And they actually changed the street name. They changed the street name or changed the address. Right. One of those. And like, to try to hide the fact that it was the house

where JonBenet died. But they have to disclose it, don't they? They do have to disclose it. And that's the problem. They can't fucking sell it.

Yeah, who's going to buy that? It's a beautiful house. It's really nice. And it's in a nice area of Boulder. But nobody wants that fucking house. No.

$10. I wouldn't buy it. I'd buy it for $10. Would you live in it? Would you sleep in it? For a show. For a TV show. Like a ghost show. It's fucked up, man. That whole story. I think that whole child pageant thing is one of the most fucked up things.

When you see little kids with high heels and makeup on, dressed up like they're trying to get laid. It's just so crazy. It's like, yeah, the worst parenting. It's weird, man. We were in Dallas, and we were doing the improv, and the hotel that we were staying at was the exact same hotel

where they were having one of these pageants. And it was me and I think Duncan and Joey, and we were walking around the hotel going what the fuck is this yeah it was all little tiny kids like five like i have a i have a four-year-old and i have a six-year-old so they were like my kids age but they were wearing high heels where they could barely walk and they were fully dolled up i I mean, eyelashes, full makeup, war paint, teased up Texas style hair, like little dresses. I mean, it was disgusting. It was disturbing.

It was really, really weird. Just the fact of just putting them into like a judging scenario at that age. Yeah. You know, kind of like, well, you weren't the best kid. Yeah. You know, you didn't, you know, everyone, you got up in front of everyone, but they liked this other kid better than you. So. Yeah you so yeah psychologically rattle that around in your brain for your whole life my daughter was playing softball or soccer rather for a while and uh

her nickname was bruiser because my youngest one is like super aggressive she's crazy but she's really like she's a sweetie but when it comes to things she's like ah she loves like teenage mutant ninja turtles and she's a superman lunchbox she's like, ah! She loves, like, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and she's a Superman lunchbox. She's probably a lesbian. But I love her to death. But she's really athletic. And so she's only four. And so they had her in soccer, and she's just scoring goals like crazy.

The game starts. Boom! She scores the first goal. She runs on the ball. Boom! Scores the second goal. I mean, she's like a little animal. And then the other team scored, and she second goal. I mean, she's like a little animal.

And then the other team scored, and she started crying because the other team was cheering. She started crying like the family on the other side, the families were cheering. And then she's like, I don't want to play anymore. And the coach was like, you got to go back out there and play. I'm like, you don't have to play. I go, it's just stupid. It's a ball going into the net.

I go, if you're not enjoying it, don't do it. I go, but you shouldn't worry about the other team Like scoring, but I knew that she couldn't kind of internalize that Uh-huh So I said this is no big deal like I don't want to make it a big deal because I think that sports a lot of Times parents they fuck their kids up because they make like winning and losing this like huge deal or playing you gotta get out There and you gotta fucking play. Yeah figure that out when you're older You know when you're and you gotta fucking play. Figure that out when you're older.

When you're four, you should be having fun. The coach was sitting down with her trying to psych her out. The coach is dumb as shit. So when she's sitting down, she's giving her this dumb psychology. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Don't teach my kid. Come here.

Honey, it's all right. It's no big deal. She's like, you've got to go out there. And you've got to just go out there and get that score back. Whatever they scored. If you feel bad, you've got to go. No, no, no, no, no big deal. She's like, you've got to go out there, and you've got to just go out there, and you get that score back. Whatever they scored, if you feel bad, you've got to go. Get out of here. No, you don't. Just have fun.

Relax. This is just supposed to be fun. So the idea that you could take someone that age and then judge them on their looks, that's fucking insane. And then they have a, they have like a talent portion where they sing and they do little dances in their high heels. And it's like, what the fuck, man? Like, it's so unhealthy. Who is the pedophile that invented this? Like, the first guy who was like,

I have an idea for a thing to do. I think it's people that are just living through their kids, man. Yeah. You see that a lot with sports. You know, you really see that a lot with, you know, people that are just living through their kids man yeah you see that a lot with with sports you know you really see that a lot with um you know people that uh like it's usually fathers with their sons like fathers like like really fuck their kids up because they're like super some guys you know obviously some guys like fuck their kids up because they're super super super invested

in their kid being successful like i've seen kids not do well at certain sports and seen their fathers yelling at them. You're talking about like 10-year-old kids. Like, God damn, man. The only way this kid's ever going to get good at something is if he's rewarded for his hard work and then if he gets sort of an understanding of what is healthy and what is not healthy about competition.

And what's definitely not healthy is you putting everything on the line for this kid. Like, it's everything. Like, your love. Your love is invested in this kid knocking a ball into a net. This is fucking preposterous. This is so goofy. Dads just see that Tiger Woods money. You think that's what it is?

I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's probably column A, which is them trying to, you know, redo their, you know, what they wish they had done. But then there's also, like, my kid could be the greatest quarterback. My kid could be, you know. Yeah. I think that could be in the future. Like, they might be looking at it that way.

We've got to get you one that doesn't make that noise. Oh, sorry. I won't do it anymore. It's okay. Just push the microphone to the side. But the audience is probably going, what is probably going people that have headphones on is that the headphones are the real issue sorry because sometimes we have these uh fight companion podcasts where we have a bunch of guys in here and watch fights and people start eating snacks

and they're eating like right into the microphone and if you're listening if you have headphones on it's fucking maddening but it's hard you know you're drinking and smoking pot and people forget and they start chewing um anyway john benet ramsey not not a good place to buy a house okay aids is done john benet ramsey's done we covered those super duper important things conspiracy there's one that thinks they think that bill Hicks and Alex Jones are the same person. Oh, I've seen that. Yeah. Trust me. I met both of them. They're different humans.

Fucking Christ. People are so crazy. Could you imagine? Like, why? Why would you do that? I want to know, has anybody ever done that? Has anybody ever faked their own death? Tupac.

Andy Kaufman. Andy Kaufman and Tupac live on an island somewhere. What a boring fucking life, waiting to die of old age. Yeah, but that's also maybe one of the best sitcoms ever. Tupac and Andy Kaufman alone on an island somewhere, like an odd couple. How long before gay shit starts happening? How many months in? It's got to be early.

Right away. Yeah, right away. Just fuck it. We're here on an're here let's be honest no one's rescuing us I don't know of anyone that's ever faked

their own death successfully I know some people have tried there was a guy that I remember it was some business guy who

apparently got busted swindling or something like that and he faked his own death but they caught him a few years later yeah and then that guy that's in that movie The the jinx that the show the jinx yeah

that guy that what is his name robert uh robert durst yeah he didn't know but he disappeared and pretended he was a woman right he pretended he was a mute woman like he put on a wig and dressed like a woman and then as a mute woman murdered another guy and then took off and that's like whitey bulger did it for a while that's right he disappeared but he didn't fake his own death no yeah i heard i don't know if this is true i heard and i don't i don't remember where i heard it so this could just be nonsense but that uh what his plan was to do is like when he was going to get old and die he's going to go out into the desert, dig a hole and just basically, you know, kill himself in the hole so they never find him.

Bulger? Yeah. I don't know if that's true or not. I heard that. You got to kill yourself where animals will eat you. Right. That's the move. What you should do, if anybody wants to kill themselves and not be found, go to Alberta.

Go to Alberta, Canada. Go to where the bears are because there's sections of Alberta, Canada that are literally infested with black bears you and they have a few Grizzlies up there as well, but I've never seen more bears in one place in my life like in one day. You'll see 16 bears Like no bullshit. Yeah fucking big bears seven-foot bears and just blow your brains out cover yourself with honey Yeah, cuz those bears eat honey right and? And they'll eat you. Yeah. They'll have, you'll be gone. They'll eat your bones.

They'll eat everything. They'll eat every, every single piece of who you are. They'll shit out your teeth. And that's, that'll be a wrap. Wow. Nobody will find you. It's a good, it's a good life hack. Or the ocean.

The ocean's probably the best. Yeah. Because they just are not going to find you. If you go out far enough and just jump out. Yeah, just start breathing water. You'll just fucking sink to the bottom. The odds of your body making it all the way to shore, not so good. I mean, think about how goddamn big the ocean is.

Who's going to find you? Nobody. That's probably a good move. The ocean's probably better than the bear move. It's more peaceful. It's serene. I don't know about all that. It's terrifying.

The ocean's peaceful in the day. At nighttime, it's fucking horrific. Yeah. I went out sailing once in New York, and we went out a little far, and then it got dark. Ooh. And we were trying to come back, and all of a sudden the waves got bigger, and it was actually, it's like a sailboat, so really kind of, with the old wheel and everything, and actually feeling the strength of the waves trying to get back and it was really fucking terrifying like trying to

get back to new york that's a crazy way to die man your boat tips over you're trying to scramble and hope the boat stays afloat sideways and the water's cold yeah oh my kitchen was getting fixed there's some shit wrong with my kitchen. So we decided to rent out. We said, oh, you know what we'll do? We'll rent a house on the water. We'll rent a house on the beach for a couple months. And I got barbecued one night. The first night we went there, I got super duper high.

And in the daytime, it was beautiful. Like you look out the window where you're eating breakfast, and it would just be ocean. Just like right there in the ocean like wow so pretty but at nighttime that same view is horrifying because the sky is black and the water's black and you keep hearing whoosh whoosh and it's like it reveals itself to you like oh you thought that this was like your playground yeah beautiful thing there's a fucking monster that could swallow up the whole city and not even know it. Yeah.

Like the ocean could just swallow Los Angeles one day with one burp slash fart of the tectonic plates. You got it. Or at least Malibu. Oh, yeah. Malibu would be done. Santa Monica, done. Yeah. All that.

The promenade, done. Just all those, the mall area with all the shops and people playing songs you don't want to hear out in the street. 100 foot high waves just pouring in, covering everything for three, four miles deep. That's nothing. That's happened 100,000 fucking times in the course of the earth. Yeah. And we just set up houses there dig them in

pull fucking posts have a little wave wall i was terrified in that house man i barely stayed in i rented it for a few months and i wanted to stay in my my other house my actually out my house with the fucked up kitchen i was cooking on a hot plate i was like i feel more comfortable here are you afraid of tsunamis i'm afraid of everything yeah I'm afraid of everything I'm afraid of asteroids wolves tsunamis are like the one some birds one disaster for some reason I'm not afraid of really yeah I don't know why like my wife is terrified that's like her biggest fear of tsunamis she's smart and like whenever I see the tsunami and I know this is just this is naive but

whenever I look at the tsunami footage and stuff, I feel like I could get away. I got so scared of the tsunami, I spilled coffee all over my shirt. You really think you could get away? I know it's stupid, and I probably couldn't, but I just have that kind of thought. I feel like if I had to pick a natural disaster, I'm afraid of earthquakes, asteroids, but tsunamis, I would take that. Imagine if you were right and a tsunami came and you survived and like a thousand people dead. Trevor Moore

how did you survive? They're all pussies. How did they not survive? Some fucking water. Just swim. You know what? I kind of always deep down felt like I could do it and you know it just turned out. God told me I would be fine and the water is just water just keep swimming and you're fine no if you

ever been caught in an undertow not a big one like I go surfing and stuff in like you know I've never been caught in like a one that was caught in one been like oh I'm in an undertow you know but not not a bad one you know I never been caught in a bad one either, but I got caught in one that was enough that freaked me the fuck out. I got caught in one. God, I don't remember where it was, but I remember like, oh, this is what that is. And I'm pretty athletic. I'm in pretty good shape. But I was thinking, man, what if I was like an old lady or a young kid?

I was like, this is not good. The water just started pulling me back and it was pretty rapid i was like oh fuck this and so i just started you got to kind of swim sideways yeah lateral yeah yeah towards the shore greg fitzsimmons had to rescue someone he was on vacation with his family and uh some woman got caught in the undertow and she was screaming and she was getting pulled out and he looked around and there was no lifeguard, there was no nothing and she was just getting pulled. And so he was there with his fucking wife and his kids

and he went, holy shit. Okay, here we go. And he just jumped out there and, you know, you gotta like know how to hold on to people when you're saving them. He didn't know how to do that. Because they're panicking and they're just trying to get to higher ground

on top of you. They'll pull you with them. They'll pull you with them. And she did not know how to do that. And they're panicking and they're just trying to get to higher ground on top of you. They'll pull you with them. They'll pull you with them. And she did not know how to do that. And so, like, you know, he barely made it. Wow. He barely made it and saved this woman. But that moment when you have to make that decision, do I risk my life to try to save some person?

Because you might get to a point where you're like, oh, my God, I'm going to have to punch this chick in the face and swim by myself because she's going to drag me under. Right. Like, there's those weird moments that actually happen to people when they're trying to save someone. They realize, I'm going to die too because this person's an idiot. Or maybe not an idiot, but they can't. They're panicking. They don't know how to deal with stress. Some people, given the exact same circumstance, just know how to stay calm and they'll be fine.

And other people, they're just, and they can't breathe. You're like, breathe, breathe. They can't breathe. Oh, fucking Christ. Like, I can't teach you how to breathe here while we're both trying to swim for our lives. Fuck. And then his wife and his kids were watching this whole thing happen. And, you know, he kind of figured out how to grab her and swim to the shore with her.

That's some terrifying shit. Yeah. That's, I mean, like people people we were um we were doing like river kind of rafting not i mean just like kind of in a like you know kind of like lazy river kind of stuff up in cape cod once me and a bunch of friends and uh this river comes out to the the ocean and when it came out to the ocean there was one of our friends who doesn't swim um so i don't know why he was with us but like but he was one of those inner tubes, just kind of like tubing. Did he have a life raft on, too?

No, he was just kind of tubing. But it was like a river. It was a river. And so it got to the ocean. And it was the same kind of thing where this river just shoots stuff, shoots the water out into the ocean really far. So he went all of a sudden way out. And we're all back on the beach.

And we're like, oh, wait, holy uh chris can't swim oh god so we're like going and we see that he's panicking and in his panic what he did was he jumped off of the raft oh no because he the raft was going out to ocean and he just wanted to get back to the shore so he doesn't know how to swim i know but in the panic in that moment like your brain doesn't really make the right decisions. So how'd you get him? What happened? He died. No, no, no.

No, we had people that had to swim out and get him back. Did you get the raft too? I don't even remember. That raft costs money, man. I don't remember what happened to the raft. Maybe not. Oh, fucking Christ.

My friend Remy, Remy Warren, he was on a river once. He was right next to a river. And some stuff started. He talked about it on the podcast for folks listening to this. His version is going to be way better than mine. But he saw some stuff floating down the river. And then a guy, face down, body, floating down the river. And then he realized realized holy shit like this is like a capsized

boat it's freezing cold water and then a woman uh hanging on for dear life screaming and he said holy shit here we go and he just jumped in the river and it was freezing cold water and he realized like as he was jumping he's like okay i'm probably gonna die because this you know you get hypothermia really quickly yeah those, those rivers, they're glaciers. It's glaciers melting, and they create this river, and it's fucking freezing cold water in the mountain. And he's in this water, and it's not warm out either. It's cold out.

And so he just dove in, and he's trying to save this woman. He got lucky. They both got lucky, and they figured out a way to grab a hold of something. But he got a hold of her and then dragged her to shore. But he was pretty convinced as he jumped in, like, okay, this is it for me. It's been a fun life. It's a good way to die, though, trying to save somebody else. That's pretty much, that's pretty heroic.

But if she dies, too, you're like, damn, I could have lived and just watched her die. Yeah. It felt sad. And just started telling people, hey, man, don't raft. Shit's dangerous as fuck. Of all the ways to die, you know, that's a river rafting is a really terrifying one. If you see, like, when people, there was a reality show. I forget what reality show it was.

But it never went to air because as they were filming, one of the first episodes someone they overturned their canoe and got trapped under a rock like the the canoe overturned and the the waves or the uh the current rather wedged them under a rock and they drowned you know like the pilot and the pilot yeah yeah this was years back this was like right when Survivor was first taken off, before the internet really took hold as far as like social media and TMZ type shit, which they would just have a field day with this. Yeah. But back then it was just, you know, they didn't really,

they hadn't figured out how to use the internet for trash yet. Right. You know? Right. But this person just got stuck. And I remember thinking that like, okay, that's not something I ever want to be a part of. You don't ever want to get stuck in a freezing cold river with insanely powerful currents. Yeah.

I don't, I don't, I don't, I mean, some people like, I, I've done it once. The river rafting kind of thing, like the whitewater kind of stuff. Like, yeah, this is not fun to me. Like it's, it it's it's very bumpy It's scary. There's potential death everywhere People love thrills man. They love it some people they love that rush that adrenaline rush just No, that's why I can't have you ever done skydiving no yeah, fuck that yeah, because I feel like

If you if you do die skydiving it's you know it's always sad when people die but it's like you know it's kind of you don't get that i mean people be like well yeah he jumped out of an airplane you know i've had friends that are emts that have found people you know after sky gotten to the surface they say their body's totally intact it's everything inside outside yeah but everything inside like your bones are like pushed up through your your torso and just like and you're just a bag of broken bones and destroyed organs yeah not good i read uh there's this article there was jamie has this look at his face there's this article where they

interviewed people who had actually fallen out of planes and lived. Oh, God. There's like only a handful. But they were trying to figure out how to do it. And the stories were crazy because there's this one guy who was an old guy that they interviewed who I guess was in World War II. And his plane just exploded before he jumped out kind of thing. And he fell. exploded well he before he had jumped out kind of thing and he fell and they say that the way to do it is um and it's not like foolproof but like the people who have survived they kind of try to hit a

tree and and you try to hit a tree as close to the middle as possible but not the exact middle because that'll impale you but you want to hit close to the the trunk where the branches are the thickest and you basically want to have all the branches break your fall on the way down and you're gonna be fucked up when like you uh hit the ground but the people who have lived a lot of them hit trees wow i heard a guy who lived who hit a barn and apparently he went through the roof and into the hay and somehow or another made it but he was fucked up yeah i mean every bone broken back broken you know all fucked up legs broken but lived somehow or another yeah uh my friend brian his dad he had worked with this guy and the guy was trying to get him to uh skydive and then uh then one day he went to the office and the guy wasn't there.

And he's like, what happened? Where's Mike or whatever the fuck his name is. I think it was actually a woman. And he was like, found out that the skydiving didn't go so well that weekend. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah, that's dead. Yeah.

Skydiving. I don't get that support. Don't like that one. Well, you know, my friend steve runella said it best he said there's things that are fun that are fun while you're doing them but they're not fun later and i think skydiving is one of those and roller coasters are one of those as well they're fun while you're doing them but they're not fun later and then there's things that you do like crazy arduous hikes over mountains and you get to the top and you

this insanely beautiful view and like you earn that view and you know you're camping it's freezing and you know you're you're fucking hoofing it but when it's all over when you get together like weeks later and talk about that trip like wow you have these amazing memories like it was really cool yeah but at the time it was kind of brutal and arduous. Would you ever do Everest fuck that? That's that's that's that's like what the suicide basically, but you have to watch this new it's out right now I'm glad you brought this up. There's a real sports with Bryant Gumbel. That's out right now What is it's amazing and it's on the Sherpas those fucking guys who have to do all the work Yeah and it's on the Sherpas, those fucking guys who have to do all the work.

Yeah. Because they had all these experienced climbers who had summited at Everest like years and years ago, and they were talking about what it used to be like. You know, you used to carry your own stuff. You had a minimal amount of things. And now they have these companies that set it up like these luxury tours where these Sherpas, they carry like virtually anything you want like whatever you want whatever you need so they have all these prepped meals they have these tents and inside these tents they have you know gourmet food and cots and all this stuff and these sherpas

have to carry all this stuff and it was sort of highlighting how insanely dangerous it is like there's only you know a few hundred Sherpas, and over the last couple of years, 25 of them have died in avalanches and ice falls. And the path that they take from base camp up through the mountains, like within the first, you know, 100 yards or so, you're in dangerous territory. Well, there's dead bodies all along the trail that they they can't get them you know if you die on the mountain you stay on you're part of the mountain for then on there's like um i was there's pictures of the bodies like online and there's one guy

that just looks like he's like slumped over taking a nap and that's what happened like he was he's still in his like parka and everything like that but he just kind of you know when you get up that high you get tired so you're like i'm just kind of, you know, when you get up that high, you get tired. So you're like, I'm just going to rest for a second, and then you're there for the next 100, 200 years. Including the first guy to ever climb Everest. Is he up there? Yeah, you could see his body. Yeah, look at that guy.

That's the first guy? No, that's one of them. Look at that fucking, that's so creepy, man. But the first guy, that's the guy right there on the lower left. The lower left, that's the first guy to ever climb Everest. Holy shit. Yeah. See, I feel like that's going to suck all the fun out of, no matter like how great the view is when you're walking up through just corpses, you know.

Like it's got to suck a little bit of the fun out of it. Looks like someone chewed on his ass. Look, he's got a hole in his ass. Like some birds came along. his ass look he's like got a hole in his ass like some birds came along fucking yeah but it's he's white white frozen solid face planted yeah it's terrifying yeah i'm pretty sure that is the body of the first guy because that's an iconic photo but there's more than a hundred more than a hundred. More than a hundred dead bodies. How many dead bodies, Jamie? Find that out.

Mallory is the guy's name that died first, right? Isn't that his name? Is this the first guy that ever tried it? I believe so. He was the first guy that ever did it. And then he died. On the way down? Something like that.

Poor bastard. I'm just going to wait for virtual reality. They'll put a camera up there and you can just put on goggles and go what won't mean anything it'll mean enough but it won't what the feeling of that thing is you're you experience it like like as you're walking every fiber your being is going what the fuck are you doing you got to get out of here man right this is dangerous there's no air it's 18 degrees below zero zero. You got a mile of walking, more than 200 dead bodies. Oh my God. Some bodies even used as landmarks for other climbers.

Fucking Christ. What? Jesus Christ. How many people have successfully done it? A lot. A lot? That was the fucked up thing about this real this real sports thing as this guy was doing it He was talking about how crowded the summit is now when you go up there like you could barely stand Because so many people have summited There's so many people out there with you and then they showed the video of him doing it and all the people making it on

The way up and there was over a hundred people on their way up the mountain. I mean it was insane It was like it was a line for Disneyland, I'm not kidding. That's crazy. Yeah. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Look at all those fucking people. That's insane. Look at the line, the upper right-hand corner. Look at that fucking line. Now, you can only do it like

there's like a one week a year or something, right? Is that what it is? It's a small window, isn't it? Like a month or two? I'm not sure. Where the weather is okay to do it? I'm not sure, but they, you know, people die all the time doing it. Yeah. And so these companies have sort of capitalized, as one of the things they were highlighting,

they've capitalized on two things. One, this desire of all these rich douchebags to, you know, like, I'm an adventurer. I've summited Everest. I conquered business. Now I've conquered the highest mountain in the world. People love I'm an adventure. I've summited Everest. I conquered business. Now I've conquered the highest mountain in the world. People love saying things like that. I've summited Everest.

You know, whoa, John, I'm so much more impressed with you now. But the Sherpas, it was really, really, really, really depressing because a lot of them come from this one town that's like, you know, halfway up the mountain. And the town has been essentially the same way. You can't even call it a town. It's like a village. It's a day's walk to buy food. They have to walk for a day.

And this family, this mother and her son, were just mourning the death of her husband, the kid's father. And it's just he was a Sherpa, first day on the job, first time doing it. They needed money to try to get out of this village. And they make like $5,000 a year. And it's insanely difficult. But that's the equivalent to like, that'll go for a year?

Yeah, probably like way more than anybody makes up there. I just want to help. Why, why, why? I mean, so it's like a, I'm sure it's like a pretty much, that's the, that's the town business. Like it's a Sherpa community. Yeah. Well, also they're uniquely like genetically qualified for the job. They're living up there.

They live up there. They're used to climbing all the time. They're insanely fit because their bodies are used to like very low oxygen, very high altitude. So they can do things that other people just just it's like super difficult for like a person like us that lives here in la you know we're at sea level to go up there we'd be like fuck you know it takes a long time for your body to adapt yeah like i lived in colorado for a while and we were living at 8 500 feet above sea level which is like 3 000 feet above boulder and it was just

going upstairs was rough yeah these fucking people are people are like, what, 20,000 feet more even? I think like the summit is something like 29,000 feet above sea level. So it's like essentially like almost as high as a jet. Like when a jet is flying over Vegas. That's crazy. Fuck. Yeah. It's insane.

Fuck, man. There's no air. And they do it with tanks, too. That's the other thing they do with oxygen tanks. Yeah. P's insane. What the fuck, man? There's no air. And they do it with tanks, too. That's the other thing. They do it with oxygen tanks. Yeah. Pussies. We did a show in Aspen, like an Aspen Comedy Festival.

And there's this sketch show, a lot of running around, other thing. But I had to have an oxygen tank backstage just because from the amount of running around after the first show, I was like, I can't breathe. Yeah. I can't imagine being up at jet level. did aspen i did the comedy festival probably the same year you were there you guys you we didn't even introduce trevor uh he's from the whitest kids you know very very famous sketch troupe you probably have seen a lot of their stuff online a lot of sketches online but um we were doing the aspen comedy festival i want to say it's like 2003 or something like that

it was way back in the day. And I was with Louis Black. We were on a show together. And they had oxygen waiting for him when he got on stage. Like, they have a tank right there, a little mask. Like, you're sucking oxygen right after you get off. You know, because Louis does that thing where he gets his fingers going and he gets very excited. And, you know, you got no air.

There's no fucking air up there. Yeah. Well, I remember when we got there, they were saying like, if anyone's feeling faint or anything like that, we have oxygen for everybody. And I was like, eh, that's, you know, I'm not going to need that. Pussies. And then like, yeah, 24 hours in, I was like, where, where is the oxygen tanks? Well, they sell it.

They sell like tubes that you could bring with you. Like, like it looks like a can of hairspray or something or shaving cream. It's got like a little, little maskay or something, a shaving cream. It's got a little mass thing. That's nothing, though. That's nothing compared to the altitude that these people are at.

It's probably the same kind of thing. What I did was basically going to the moon on a bike. Aspen is a freaky town,'t it yeah the sidewalks are heated Yeah, that was weird like so rich. Yeah money up there. It's so stupid Well, they have to bust everybody like because there's a McDonald's there I know that and everyone who works there anyone who works in any of those shops has to be bussed in from like an hour Down the mountain like to work there like it's there's no no one who works

there lives there no you could never afford it yeah do they even have apartments i mean they must have some right i don't know i don't remember seeing anybody i remember seeing some stupid fucking expensive houses up there it's a weird like rich people paradise you know the stores where they have like a nobu up there like super expensive sushi place. How are you getting fish up here? This ain't nowhere near the fucking ocean. Aspen is pretty high up there. It's like 8,000 feet, right? Something like that.

It seems like it. It's a goofy airport, too. That's a horrible airport. You have to fly straight up. Yeah. The year we went, I don't think planes were coming in because it was snowing and so or they they called it off or something like the same with my ear so then um so then it was basically everyone had to drive up the thing and that was terrifying because then the roads like

you know if there's nobody driving on the road for like five minutes the road's gone yeah you know covered with snow yeah yeah we um we landed in den, and then they bused us up, and it took hours. Yeah. And you're going on these winding roads in a bus. You don't even know this driver. He might be crazy. Yeah. Like, how'd you get this job?

Can I talk to you? You're the guy driving. Like, your life is on the line. You're on mountains. And on the way up, there's all these buses just on the side of the road. They've just been frozen there because you can't go get them. Like, on the way up to the Aspen Comedy Festival, they're just littered with frozen comedians on buses.

It was a goofy place to do comedy too because like the audiences, they either had to live in Aspen or they had to also like fly in for it. And then they kind of realized somewhere along the line, oh, executives just sort of built this festival so they could ski. Yeah, it's a party.

Yeah. So like when I was up there, I remember thinking like, this is like very different from the Montreal Comedy Festival With the Montreal Comedy Festival it really did seem like it was all about the shows The shows were like an afterthought in Aspen and so they just cancelled it like it doesn't exist anymore Yeah, and then they brought it to Vegas for a while, and they were like well This is even worse, and then there's no more festival. Yeah. I mean, does HBO even have a comedy festival anymore? I don't think they do.

I don't think they do either. Which is a shame, because actually, I thought it was a fun festival. It's great. But, yeah, I guess they... I enjoyed it. I ski now, but back then I didn't ski. So I just was there just kind of having fun, going, this is a weird place to have a festival. Like, why would you have a festival?

And then I kind of, like, sort of pieced it together. Like, oh, you fuckers just like skiing. Yeah. You'd see all the agents and everyone everyone's sun dances yeah yeah yeah they're all over their shit with them all their skiing shit i was like this is fucking bizarre like you guys have like this is an afterthought yeah that's that's hollywood you know the skiing skiing terrifies me does it yeah that's that. I put that up there. Well, I just, I don't know.

You can hit a tree and then, you know. Well, you know what the thing is, man? Just don't go on like a super tough course, you know? Yeah. That's the thing about skiing. Like if you're going to ski, like everybody wants to go like crazy. Skiing's fun for me when I'm in control of it. Like, you know, they have like black courses and blue.

Like blue is like fairly easy, right? It's like, it was like bunny slopes. Yeah. I was like, well, blue is not bunny. Blue is pretty like, I was in, um, park city, Utah this year. And the blue is not easy. Like blue, blue gets weird. Like there's some spots where like, Whoa, this is, and I think green is like, maybe blue is harder than green or green is harder than blue. But whatever it is, I got to the one right before black and I was like, whoa, this is kind of crazy. You kind of figure it out. You just got to take like steep turns left and right to try to regulate your speed. But while I was doing it, there were some motherfuckers that were just experts that were flying by me.

Just, hey, because people that are just speed that were flying by me just because people that are just speed demons they just really know how to do it and if they fuck up oh you know some of those guys are going they probably want like 50 miles an hour or something yeah it's no room for error no also i was with my kids and it freaked me i was like what if some uncoordinated dummy plows into one of my kids when they're trying to learn how to ski? Right. That's a potential danger. When I was a kid, the first time I ever went skiing, I took the little lessons that you take when you're first time skiing.

And then we were there for, it was like a Christmas thing. My family was there for like a week. So by the second or third day, I'm like, I want to try the black diamond kind of thing. Oh, God. And my dad was like, fine. He was just kind of like, I think he was like, you gotta learn a lesson or something.

Like, yeah, go for it. So I took the lift up to the thing and nobody said anything. Like it was totally, everyone was like, all right, this kid's gonna, you know, eat shit. And it took me hours to get down because I couldn't, you know, stay up for more than, you know,

50 yards at a time without just falling. Because it's just the slope, the pitch was just so much that I just would just keep tumbling. And I'm like crying, trying to walk down this black diamond thing while people are like flying past me. Oh, God. Did you tell your dad when you got to the bottom? Yeah, I was like, I hate skiing. Did he say, I wanted you to learn a lesson, son. Take that black diamond.

How about a double black diamond, pussy? Yeah, the moguls are kind of crazy. We were watching people doing a black diamond mogul, which for people who don't know what skiing is, it's like massive bumps. Like, people like the bumps, which i'm real confused i didn't understand why they would like you get sick air is that what it is i think i think isn't that is it kind of you're trying to get air off of the the bumps aren't you i guess you kind of do i mean don't

jump too high because you're kind of going back and forth but we were um we were going over it in the lift and we were watching these people just go left and right and just hopping up and bouncing. And it's the, the actual ground gets like etched in like this crisscross cross hatching pattern from people just going left and right and left and right over these crazy fucking bumps. And like, man,

there's not a lot of room for error there. Yeah. If you don't know what you're doing and you, you just jumped in like you did just a little too quick. You're in the trees. Yeah. what's safer school skiing or snowboarding? What's easier to do I don't know can you go as fast on a snowboard as you can on skis I feel like you go faster on skis, but I'm talking out my ass, but you do go faster On a snowboard you go straight down like the downhill alpine skiing in the Olympics, they go really fast.

Yeah. They can't get that fast on a snowboard. Aubrey's friends with that guy, Bodie Miller, who's an Olympic gold medalist. I watched him in the Olympics because they were, you know, the Olympics was happening when Aubrey was over at my house. We watched it while it was going live. And that motherfucker flies you know when you're watching like olympic gold medalist going down these things like the speed is just unfathomable yeah like you gotta think that at some point in time like if if you wipe out like he just wiped out recently

almost severed his leg like he hit something and tore his almost tore the meat off of his leg in this accent like a pretty severe might might even be like a career-ending injury like i think he hit a fence or something holy shit yeah fuck or just hit snow but if that's as fast as it's going the snow cut his leg off i think it's a i think he hit a fence my friend steve was on the u.s ski team and he's had i would i want to be conservative when i say this, but I think I'm wrong. I think I'm undershooting it. He's had 28 knee surgeries. He actually had his knees resurfaced.

I'll show you a picture. You want to freak out? He doesn't have any cartilage on his knee anymore. How old is he? Steve's in his 50s. I've known him since I was a kid. Let me see if I can find this image. It's going to freak you out.

I'll pull it up here. I don't know if I can. What's that? Oh, yeah, you're looking up at the screen. Hold on, let me. The record is actually 156 miles an hour. Oh, my God. Average speed, 40 to 100.

40 to 100 is average? Yeah. See, I never want to be going 156 miles an hour. Yeah, you're smart, dude. Okay, look at this image. I'm going to pull this. Hold on. I'll give it to you.

I'm off my laptop. That's my friend's knee. Look at that. That's the inside of his knee. So, what, with the metal? Yeah. So, they put metal over the inside of his knee so what the metal yeah so they put metal over the top of his knee that's gotta feel terrible when it gets cold he's a bad motherfucker he would never

complain about anything this guy's an animal he doesn't give a shit he's got fake meniscus you see that little white thing there that's an artificial piece of meniscus that is a pad in between the uh the ball and socket those the caps of his knees uh where you know normally you have cartilage the cartilage is so worn away that he has these it looks like they're chrome like steel steel caps that cover over the the top of the bone and then you know it just sort of rolls steel to steel. That's a knee replacement. He doesn't have that. Not that.

No, he just has his knee reserved. Because knee replacement is, like, for people that have, like, their ligaments destroyed. My mom had knee replacement. She had both knees done at the same time. Fuck. They chop your legs off, basically, and then they put robot knees in, and then you basically can't walk for a couple months and then lord yeah fuck man and they give you a whole bunch of vicodin and send you home

yeah it's the amazing thing is the hips they saw the top off they give you a fake hip they they like it's attached to like a screw that go like they saw the top of your femur off. And this fake hip screws right in there. And then you just start walking around like you're walking around within hours. Really? Surgery. Yeah. Hip replacement? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I had a guy that was, yeah, there's the hip. There's the fake hip. Trevor, if you hear that sound, that's Trevor sucking on his little wet dick. I did it away from the mic. Well, look at that, how they do it. They literally saw the top of your bone off and put this fake thing in there, this fake ball and socket. That looks cool, though.

Oh, look at it. It's from Aspen. That's hilarious. The picture that you pull up is from Aspen. I mean, how many people that are super rich blow their hips out from skiing all the time? Probably a lot. Or just get that done cosmetically. It'd kind of be like.

It'd be beautiful. Yeah, kind of cyborg-y. I want to have better hips. But you see the top where it shows how deep it goes into the femur? Yeah. The screw, like, up above that, Jamie? Above and to the right? You see that?

Yeah, right there. Like, look at that. That's what happens. They put that fucking steel thing. Graham Hancock had it, and he came on the podcast six weeks later He was walking around like nothing like I had no idea you know he goes well I had my hip replaced. I said when he goes six weeks ago. I'll get the fuck out of here He was walking around like there was nothing wrong now

How long and it was like with the knee stuff like it lasts like 20 years or something and so then? You got to do it again like 20 years or something. And so then you got to do it again, like 20 years or so. How long did it take her to recover where she could walk? It was a couple months, I think. Wow. Because she did both at once. Most of the time, she'd do one. And then you'd do the other one.

And then you'd do another one later. But she just did them both at once. She just said, fuck it. Let's just suffer once. Yeah. She's like a school teacher. So she was like, I got this summer open. Let me just get them both done out of the way and like what was wrong with her knees

that she had to do that uh i think just the cartilage wore down like it wasn't an injury or anything it was just kind of wear and tear that's one of the reasons why i don't trust certain doctors because there's other ways to handle that first of all they're doing these stem cell injections now on, in, in people's knees where they're regenerating cartilage. You know, obviously that's not an option once they chop your fucking legs off and put a fake knee in, but doctors love doing that. They love doing surgery. You know, I had a back injury and, uh, I talked to a doctor and he's like, well, I'm going to fuse your discs. You know, there's no other way, you know this and that We're gonna chop it out now. I'm fine

Like I sought out a bunch of alternative methods and I did this thing called Regener Kinez blood spinning procedure that reduces inflammation I did a lot of stretching and yoga and a lot of strengthening and it's fine now Yeah, I could have listened to this asshole and I'd have my discs fused right now And what is I don't know that means like what was that cut the the soft part in between the bones like your spinal column is a series of bones and in between those bones are discs which is like sort of like a tough bag of like jelly and um that bag of jelly a lot of times gets herniated where it pokes out and because of trauma it'll start sticking into the nerve and it causes pain. That's where sciatic comes from.

You know that term like sciatica? Yeah. People go, oh, I have a sciatic issue. Well, you know what that really means? That really means you have a bulging disc. It means your bulging disc is poking into a very specific area of your spinal column, a specific area of your nerves that affects where your leg is. And so it can cause atrophy in your leg, which I've had friends that have had that issue. It can cause like some pretty severe lower back pain and leg pain, like through your

butt, down your hamstring, all the way down, like shooting down your leg. So what they want to do is cut that meat out, that soft, cushy part, and then they drop it down and screw the bones together. So now you have one part of your spine that just doesn't move. So you can't, your range of motion. Exactly, it doesn't articulate the same way. Yeah. Now they've developed the same guy that invented, well, not the same guy in the same country, rather, in Germany. They're doing things in Europe that they're just not doing in America yet for whatever reason. And one of the things they're doing is they're replacing the discs with artificial discs that articulate.

They move around, much like the actual stuff that's in between your bones do. the actual stuff that's in between your bones do. So instead of fusing it and having this one stiff, rigid area, which actually can be really problematic because it puts pressure, additional mechanical pressure on the above disc and the below disc. So oftentimes people wind up having multiple discs fused, and you've got like one stiff fucking back, and you're walking around like this, and you're shorter.

Like it makes you shorter. You have all sorts of problems like mechanical problems the way your body because your body's like going what the fuck is going why are we built different now yeah like well how come i can't move my neck anymore why is it all but it's really common people get it done all the time they fuse the discs and you don't always have to you know there's there's other ways around it but a lot of doctors just want to start cutting you they just don't want to start doing i mean there's very ethical doctors and there's sometimes where they have to do it there's sometimes when like you know you're really fucked up man we have to uh do surgery to open up

your nerve pathway because your arms are atrophying which is really common with people that have neck injuries they're they'll have a one arm that like shrivels up like it's not getting any nerves the nerves aren't firing anymore because they're being impinged by this disc, this bulging disc. Scary, scary shit. Yeah. But doctors just want to fucking cut you up, man. They make money doing it. Yeah.

You sure about that doctor that was arrested recently? He was arrested because he was lying to patients and telling them they had cancer and giving them chemotherapy for profit wow yeah that's uh fuck man yeah intentionally misdiagnosing people and then giving them fucking chemotherapy how do they catch him i don't know someone got a second a bunch of people got a second opinion and that kind of maybe right yeah like what can't what you don't have cancer got a second a bunch of people got a second opinion in the kind of maybe right Yeah, like what can't what you know of cancer? You're not even fat That's got to be a weird turn when you're a doctor and you're just like you know you're like

I'm just gonna be a bad doctor like you know because you can't I mean you have to know you're a bad doctor at that Point you're like I'm a bad guy. You know yeah some people have a way of dancing around reality You know there's a book called dead doctors don't lie this guy dr joel wallach who's kind of a eccentric character and basically the premise of a lot of what his book is about is about um how few doctors really understand nutrition and they understand the the impact of nutrition on the body and mineral deficiencies that people have that you would treat in livestock, like in animals. A lot of times when animals develop issues, they change the diet and give them minerals.

They don't do that with people. And he found that particularly fascinating because I think he started out as a veterinarian. And one of the things he was talking about is how many doctors abuse drugs because they can get them. Like it's really easy for doctors to get drugs. And, you know, he details like this one story of this guy who was in the middle of an operation and stepped away and shot cocaine into his body and had a fucking heart attack and died. So he was in like a storage room dead while this person was cut open in the middle of surgery. And they had to try to go look for him and they found him dead. But you would think that, you know, when you're a doctor, you have access to prescriptions and you can get a hold of some medicine. And I'm sure it's probably

more tightly regulated today than it was in years past. Yeah. I mean, I'd heard that about dentists. I heard dentists, you know, a lot of dentists have the highest rate of depression for any occupation. Um, the highest amount of suicide for any occupation. Yeah. And a lot of people think that it's because, um, people hate going to the dentist. Like it's kind of a universal, nobody wants to go to the dentist. So they kind of put it off. Uh, it's like the, they only go when they have to, like they're in pain. So every single person that a dentist sees every day of their professional life is people who are having the worst day of their year and they're dreading it. So there's this energy of everyone coming in and being like, I'm not happy to see you.

I'm, I'm stressed out. And that kind of wears on these dentists. So they have the highest suicide rate. And, um, and I've, I've heard that because of that, there's a lot of abuse of, because they have the drugs too, but there's less oversight than at a hospital. Like, it's their own private practice, so they just have all this stuff, so there's a lot of abuse there. That totally makes sense. Yeah, I didn't even think about it that way. So I'm trying to find a dentist friend.

I've always felt that that was the case with cops. Like, cops have very high suicide rates as well. I think a lot of it is PTSD. They're always seeing trauma. You see these, you know, but they're also dealing with people that don't want to see them. Like, all the time. Yeah. Most of the time, when you see a cop, you're like, oh, this fucking cop.

Yeah. The cops are here. Great. You know, so they just deal with that all the time. Yeah. Plus, they have a gun on their belt so like you know that's it could be you know there's got to be more in your mind if the gun is constantly there just stick it in your mouth yeah yeah i'm sure yeah i bet they're probably like number one for shooting themselves yeah you know it's easy it's right

there yeah being a cop has got to suck. I don't think anybody's qualified to be a cop. I really don't. Not for more than like an hour, you know? Yeah. Have you ever done a ride along? No. No.

I haven't either. That'd be fascinating though. Anyone can do it, right? Pretty sure. I feel like you can just call the police station and do a ride along. That'd be fascinating. What if you do that and the cops get killed and you're in the backseat? In what?

And you're just like, I'm just on a ride-along. I'm not a cop. I am white and I'm so sorry for that. I'm not interested. It's like I don't want to go to war either. I don't want to do a ride-along in Afghanistan either. No. I have a friend who just got back from that.

He's filming a documentary on Afghanistan and he was embedded with these troops for over a month. And he came back shell shocked. Really? Yeah. He came back just whacked out. And that's from one month. Yeah. Well, he was a little more than a month.

I want to say like maybe six weeks. But he came back and he was talking about it. And he's his experience. He's a hunter. And he's like, there's there's this really creepy similarity that I didn't didn't take into consideration that these guys are hunting people. I mean, that's really what they're doing. I mean, they're going after like certain, you know, quote unquote insurgents. You know, you give them some interesting names like insurgents. Like we neverquote insurgents you know you give them some interesting

names like insurgents like we never heard insurgents before this war when the fuck did you ever hear did they say insurgents during you know they said the viet kong during vietnam right you know they said uh the nazis and the the japs during world war ii now it's insurgents it's like this real way of making things sanitized. But he said essentially like he realized like right away like, whoa, this is like hunting. These guys are not going after a deer so they can eat it. They're going after people. And they knew their behavior patterns.

They knew how to set traps for them. They knew where they would be. And they knew how to sneak up on them. Yeah. And they had like all these strategies like very similar to the way you would hunt a deer like okay this is the path that deer goes into we're going to do is get you know upwind of them so that or downwind of them so that the whether the wind comes to us they can't smell us and like all this crazy shit they were doing to try to avoid being seen and really similar to hunting an animal that That's crazy. Yeah, he was pretty fucked up. He came back, he was a little weird.

He had an idea in his head of what it was going to be. He said, well, go over there, do a documentary, sort of like he wanted to kind of show how difficult it was, show the real side of war, but sort of honor these people that are over there. He's got kind of a simplistic way of looking at things too you know fighting for our freedom he's one of those guys that says shit you go okay what does that mean right and they just don't expand like it's like fighting for our freedom I'm exactly sure is that exactly what they're doing like like people that are

telling them to do that are they doing it because they want freedom or is there other ulterior motives have you looked into this at all he didn't you know it's just like very surface american sniper but exactly and but when he came back man he had a fucking completely different idea about it he was really uh he had a very realistic portrayal of war when he came back it was a fucking eye opener like he was like this is a clusterfuck yeah it's a scary clusterfuck and it's not good by any stretch of the imagination and there's no way to win this fucking thing. You're over in Afghanistan.

It's all mountains. There's no towns. There's Kabul. That's one city. Everything else is warlords that are trapped up in the mountains and get this. The way they get the warlords to tell the Taliban, they give them Viagra. Viagra? Viagra's the best. You give them guns you give them money but they got guns they got some money yeah you know and they got opium everywhere so yeah viagra is the one thing it's not local they need viagra because a lot of these guys are like in their 60s they got like 30

wives these bitches are complaining man wow you know can't fuck them once a day. Yeah. Once a month. This would be a Viagra commercial. Yeah. Red, white, and blue flying behind the Viagra. It's keeping you safe. It's one of the main ways they get these guys to rat on the Taliban.

That's crazy. Do you even call it the Taliban anymore or do they call it Al-Qaeda? They don't even talk about Al-Qaeda. It's ISIS now. It's the same people? They're their offshoot.

They're a branch of Al-Qaeda. Is it like Van Halen with David Lee Roth was totally different than Van Halen with Sammy Hagar? Yeah. Is that what ISIS is like? It's like a totally different offshoot of the original band. Yeah. We're getting the band back together. It's ISIL now, right?

ISIL? ISIL. Yeah. It was ISIS, and now it's the Islamic State. I've heard that, too. Yeah, they started it at ISIS, and then they changed it to ISIL. Yeah. It was ISIS, and now it's the Islamic State. I've heard that, too. Yeah, they started it at ISIS, and then they changed it to ISIL. It wasn't testing well. It wasn't testing well?

Yeah, they rebranded. Testing. Testing is adorable. Take a bunch of people. When you're doing a television show, you take a bunch of people that don't want to be there. They're getting paid, and then you play a show for them. Ingas yeah it's usually is it really usually yeah they go they go to vegas and they'll um they'll you know in those like they'll grab people off the street and they'll be like would you like to see some tv shows that are about to come out and like you'll get like

20 off tgi fridays kind of thing like that and people are like well because they because vegas is like where you get a cross- section of everyone from all across the country. Right. So they find that, you know, you can kind of get people from Iowa. You can get people from Florida and this one like city. So you get like a good cross sheet of what people are going to think of a show. That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

Vegas. That's a weird place to do it, man. And it's also like, who are these people? Like, you can't just get a random group of people and ask them about a show, especially if the show is specific, you know, like of a specific genre. You know, you just get a bunch of rednecks

and you play, you know, some sophisticated show for them. Like, this is gay. Yeah. Well, it's people who are on vacation who have run out of things to do and will just do anything anyone's, like, like, if you're on vacation at Vegas or something, and then somebody was like, do you want to watch, like, five TV shows that you've never heard of?

You'd be like, no. Yeah. I just think the idea of testing is ridiculous anyway. This is the way you test it put it on the air yeah you know let creative people come up with it let the the comedians or the writers or whoever we know what whatever kind of show it is let them come up with it put it together and go okay we like it let's let's put this thing on tv yeah and find you know trust your instincts on shit you don't have to bring it to something well we brought to a random group of people and they'd like a wacky neighbor. Yeah. How come there's no wacky

neighbor, man? Well, like what Amazon does now is they just throw them up online. Yeah. And they just see, all right, which one's got the most, you know, which one do people watch more? Amazon's got so much goddamn money. They can do that. Yeah. They've got drone money. They're sending drones. They're never going to do that. They're never going to do that. I think that was like a publicity stunt. It's never going to happen. You don't think so?

No, because if Amazon started sending drones, there would be guys that had eight drones in their garage. Their drones trying to get back to Amazon's headquarters. People are going to steal them. They're going to shoot them down and take your packages, too. Yeah. And there's power lines. How are they going to get over? Well, to steal them. They're going to like, you know. Shoot them down. Take your packages, too. Yeah. And there's power lines. How are they going to get, you know. Well, they can see where they're going. People would steal them.

I'd steal them. Would you steal a drone? Yeah, it'd be funny. How rude. An Amazon drone? It's not hurting anyone. If it has a GPS on it, they find it. Like, find a phone.

They could find your iPhone. You don't think they could find your fucking GPS? Well, I'd put it somewhere. You'd put it somewhere. No, I wouldn't keep it in my house. I lived in a town in Charlottesville. I lived in Charlottesville, Virginia when I grew up, which is where Dave Matthews was from. And it was like when Dave Matthews was huge.

And so it was like a big thing in my town. And like one thing that he did to like give back to the community that he wanted to do was he did this thing where he got a whole bunch of bicycles and he they painted them like orange and they put them all around town and they're like these are dave matthews is putting all these bikes around and they're free you can get one ride it to where you need to go leave it there and then you know you know it's just a community bicycle kind of thing. And within, like, two months, they were all gone. Two months? All gone.

How many bikes? It was a lot. It was, like, hundreds of bikes. They were all gone. And then for, like, years, because I was, like, in, like, it was in 1920. You go to house parties, and every house party you would go to, there would be one of the Dave Matthews bikes on the wall. And they're like, I got one of Dave'save's bikes you know you can only have what the people will let you have and that's why they'll have the amazon drones because people are going to steal

them that's funny yeah but that you would have to really steal that's not something you could borrow amazon's not gonna let you borrow their drones no but it's got to come to your house right um drop off a packet yeah but i think it just drops it off and then takes off i don't think it waits for you to release it you know i think it just drops it off and then that's it well you have your buddy order something then you go up on the roof with a baseball bat you wait for that imagine if you died because you're trying to hit a fucking drone you slipped and fell off your roof and broke your neck that would be a sad funeral. This stupid fuck.

He died trying to hit a home run off a drone. God. I don't know what we're going to be doing in a few years, but I have a feeling that within the next couple of decades, it's not even going to involve things being delivered. I think it's going to involve 3D printing. Yeah. I think that's the big one. Like you have a subscription to like Apple or something like that. And then you, you know, you have their account and then they just

make your iPod in your living room kind of thing. Yeah. You know how like you order like a movie on iTunes, you say, Hey, I want to watch taken or whatever. And you just click it. And then it'll, the movie will, you start downloading and then you start watching it. I think that's what it's going to be like. I want a new pair of Converse Chucks. Right. You know, and then I wonder if they'll be able to 3D print cloth. That's an interesting question. Hmm.

Probably. Why not, right? Yeah. Hmm. I don't know, because it's woven. Like, that's the whole idea of cloth. Well, maybe like some sort of like, what are those, ShamWow kind of cloths. They're not that comfortable.

Listen, Sham, is that a chamois? A chamois is the skin of an animal. It's a super absorbent skin of an animal. I'm sure they have synthetic. I think that whatever ShamWow was, I don't think it was an animal. What is that? 3D printer for fabrics. Well, Jamie just fucking answered our question.

Crazy. How does that shit work? You know what's crazy is when look at this when the 3d printing like uh takes off is like you know what happened with like music and like uh the entertainment where all of a sudden people could like bit torrent everything you're gonna have that happen to every single industry because all of a sudden you can you can bit torn an iphone you can put that whole thing like you wouldn't download a car, would you? And you're like, well, if it was possible, yes, a lot of people would.

And you will be able to do it. Yeah, that argument for piracy, I had Paul Stanley from Kissin, who's like really adamant that it's stealing, it's stealing. And I was like, you know, it's piracy. I'm like, man, is it? Yeah, it's the original's still there. Like it's not really stealing, you know, but he's used to being rich. He wants to stay rich, and he wants to keep making millions of dollars,

but he was talking about how the industry just disappeared. And I was like, well, it's kind of, but, see, my argument was like, yeah, but the radio always existed, and you always had radio, and you play the music on radio and that's what made the music famous. And then people would go out and buy the CD and you'd make millions and then they would go out and tour and you'd make more millions. Well now one part of that's missing,

right? The buying it is missing and people don't really want to buy it anymore, but they still want to tour. They'll still buy t-shirts. That's always where money came from anyway. It's t-shirts. Like, you know, like these people tour and they, you know. I mean, like back in like the old Sun Records days and everything, they were on the road all the time.

You know, putting out these singles and then making all their money touring. You just got to go back to that. Well, I think the record companies are fucked way more than the artists. Yeah. Because that's why the record companies, they're creating these like really fucking like strange deals especially like with young artists they get talked into these really creepy deals where you know they get locked up for x amount of years and this is they're really like strange contracts like that established artists would never agree to and then you have to try to get out of them once you get to a certain point.

But they're just trying to figure out a way to lock down these artists and try to suck money out of them. I mean, what do they have to offer these days? They don't really have anything. It used to be like you needed a record company to release your record and to get you on the radio. But now the radio doesn't mean shit.

No. Everyone just wants to get in a TV show or in a commercial now. I mean's like the songs the payday yeah it's just getting like your song played at the end of some mtv show or getting like your song played in the background of a commercial that's like the the new yeah or just getting it like okay like how about that gangnam style guy like that guy's in a weird spot because everybody knows you ain't gonna make more than one of those dude right you got that one song where no one knows what the fuck you're singing yeah and people go oh it's kind of catchy and how many of those can you make man and do people want

to go see you live well he's a big guy um in korea yeah yeah he's a he's a he was a big he was a star before that over there this one just I think went international but the size how big that song was he doesn't need

to have another one you think so? I think he'll be able to coast off that for a while how much money do you think they make? Jamie's like

he's fine plus that that was on so many commercials too and then like 10 years from now there'll be a nostalgia for it. It'll come back.

Really? Oh, like Rick Astley? Yeah. Rick Roll? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know.

You got to think that like for most artists, that's not going to happen, right? Maybe for him. But for most artists, you got a hit, you got a few songs that people are into, and then you're hoping they're going to come see you live you live yeah that's like the big thing yeah but with paul stanley he was just saying that you used to be able to make a lot of money off the sales of the records and now it doesn't exist anymore because of illegal downloads but they must be making some money right off of like itunes and shit yeah i think i I mean, I'm sure it was better for like the few people that like, you know,

were in this Paul Stanley level, you know, kind of thing. But I don't know. The flip side of that is that there's a lot of smaller bands that can, you know, get heard now. Like, you know, the internet's been great for small music. I mean, you have a platform. I guess, I don't know. I think it broke up the monopoly.

It broke up that industry, which is a really creepy industry. Go ahead, dude. It's all right. I'm going back here. He's got that robot dick. He's going to suck. He can't help it.

Have you watched that movie, Artifact? About 30 Seconds to Mars? I did. What is it? Record label battle. Oh, that's the Jared Leto thing. Is that how you say it? Leto or Leto?

Leto. It's an insane movie talking exactly about what you're talking about. A really famous band that went on tour, sold out everything, and they came back and the record label said they still owe them a million dollars. And they're like, what the fuck? How? It's a whole three-year battle, and the documentary shows everything. Lawyer talks. Wow. And meanwhile, no one's talking about that documentary. how and they it's a whole three-year battle and the documentary shows everything lawyer talks and

wow and meanwhile no one's talking about that documentary it's not like yeah it hasn't i mean they still ended up at the end of the movie i don't want to spoil or anything right like they're still making music right now this is a couple years ago the movie was made um did you ever see the the piece that courtney love wrote on the music business that sort of highlights how crazy it is, like how much money goes to the record company versus how much goes to the artist. But again, that was before the internet

kind of like took the legs out from under that business. Yeah. Napster. For comics, it's giant. We never made any money off of CDs anyway. I mean, you make a little bit, but the real money was always in doing clubs and doing theaters and stuff like that so the internet is just awesome promotion for that like way better than

anything else before way better than radio way better than putting out a cd yeah there's nothing better than the internet i mean you guys i mean that always blows my mind when i try to think about like what you know would you have a mailing list you know you know at the end of a show you put out a pad of a paper and you know like write down you know i'll send out a mailing list? At the end of a show, you put out a pad of paper and write down, I'll send out a mailing list every year and let you know. I remember when I was a kid, I'd go to the record store and just check to see if the bands that I like had new albums out. Because there was no way to know.

You would just go and sometimes you'd check multiple times a year and then you'd be like, oh, there's a new, there's There's a new there's no way to there's no that's right. Yeah, you know where they would have like a poster up Yeah, coming September 3rd the new you know Bon Jovi. Oh Did you hear you know and then the radio would have to tell you this information was really hard to get back then man It's really hard to get anything you know you got like i remember i was in the kiss army you know you get like a kiss kiss fan thing in the mail when i was a kid and you'd get like this but they you know i don't even remember them saying tour dates just tell you about the band you know yeah you you got this like real superficial version of who they

are it's just so much different now so much different you can't be like this mysterious hidden person that lives in a castle Marilyn Manson style on the top of the hill like you're kind of like they know you now man if they don't know you they're not gonna it's just the whole animal's different people are different like I think human beings I think we're so used to it it's hard for us to really conceptualize it's hard for us to really conceptualize. It's hard for us to really kind of appreciate how much different just interacting with human beings is today in 2015 as opposed to like 1985. Well, I was, we were shooting Whitest Kids when the iPhone came out. And we were in production, you know, and I remember like me

and, uh, um, a guy, Zach from the troop would direct everything. So I remember directing, you know, we were like mid season and, um, and the day before the iPhone came out, you know, everyone would kind of be talking, you know, in between takes, like everyone would be on set, like, you know, PAs, like, you know, like the costume department, everyone would kind of be like joking around and stuff like that and then the iphone came out at midnight and like you know it was a huge thing everybody went in line a lot of people got it and the next day everybody was just staring at the iphone and it was this thing where i was like well it's crazy because i bought one too and i was like it's just crazy what this thing can do and it's everybody's so fascinated with what this can do. But we never went back.

It never went back. I thought it was just going to be like a couple days where everyone's just staring at this thing. And that was the dividing point. It changed after that. And now, just interacting with people is just completely different. Well, then the social media really took off because you took it everywhere with you. It wasn't like, well, when I get home, then I will check my social media. I'll check my MySpace page or whatever.

No, it wasn't that. It was like you're on the road. You're everywhere you go. You're eating dinner. You're in your car at stoplights. You're looking at your Twitter feed. You see people that are just glued to it. They can't have a conversation.

I have some people that come on the podcast, and we're in the middle of conversations, and then you start, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. They're not even listening. They're not even paying attention. They're just looking at their fucking phone. They can't help it, man. They can't help it. There's this weird pull.

Maybe there's some interesting information. And most of the time, there's not. Most of the time, it's not. It's like you're searching for a present. Like, maybe there's one more Christmas present under that tree. You just gotta find that present. But it's not there.

It's very rare that, like, your obsession pays off when you're, like, staring at social media. Yeah. It's very rare that it was, like, worth the look. We're just looking to see what your friends are doing or thinking. But, like, you don't care what your friends are doing or thinking like it's cool to call you yeah you know hey man something fucking crazy happened yeah but now it's like you're constantly looking for more data and i

think the newness of it is like really attracted attractive to us in a way that we have a really hard time controlling you know or it's just the beginning of, it's metamorphosis. It's the beginning of evolution. Like to us becoming like a synthetic kind of non-carbon based, you know, silicone based being kind of thing. And, you know, then we put nanobots in ourselves and, you know, it's just the first step of that, you know, of evolving. Yeah, I think so. I think that's most definitely what it is. There was an article recently, I think yesterday, about this guy who's dying of cancer. Leukemia, I believe, and he's going to be the first person they inject nanobots into.

Wow. Yeah, it's just fucking, it's begun. These tiny little robots, like without it, he's going to die. So let's give it a shot. And I've heard that's supposed to be the norm within like 15 years. What if this dude becomes Dr. Manhattan? Just like that'd be awesome figures out everything starts glowing he's blue he sees dick everywhere he goes he doesn't care i think um i think human beings will definitely have some sort of a weird symbiotic relationship with computers in within the next like decade they'll they'll be implants that you'll be able to get data directly downloaded into your brain.

I mean, I think it's only a matter of time before they do that. Well, they're saying, I was reading something where they're saying the nanobots thing is going to be commonplace within 15 years, where you inject them into you, and then it just constantly is doing readouts like, oh, your platelets are low. Oh, your white blood cells are low. And it's just telling your doctor so you can keep up with everything. Kurzweil believes within the next few decades, you're going to have nanobots that are going to allow you to hold your breath for over an hour.

They're going to give you these nanobots that somehow or another do something with maybe artificial blood cells or something like that, where they can hold and carry oxygen through your system so well that you'll be able to take a deep breath jump to the bottom of the pool and sit there for an hour like a regular person that's fucking dope it's fucking crazy man no more worrying about uh drowning for your friend yeah that dummy just hold his breath hold your breath and walk back just get on the ground on the bottom of the ocean and walk home. That's awesome. Well, there's already experiments where they've transmitted words from one person to another person in their brain through the internet.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, they transmitted a word from one person. Jamie, pull that up because it's kind of difficult to describe exactly what they did, but somehow or another, like say if you're thinking Christmas tree, you actually can send that word to me through the internet. And somehow or another, I receive it. I'm not sure I understand it. Yeah, is it visualized? I don't know.

Look at this. Scientists transmit thoughts from one brain to another. International team of scientists have succeeded in transmitting the thoughts of one individual into the brain of a second person located thousands of miles away. Combining some of the latest technological marvels with the long arm of the Internet is thought to be the first time the two brains have communicated with each other directly over long distance without the sender having to utter a single word. Two greetings.

Hola and ciao. Oh, you can't even do it in America? How come you can't use English, you fucking queers? Made the historic trip from India to France, where, oh, excuse me, France, where they were received and spoken by a researcher who was blindfolded and equipped with earplugs. Wow.

Scientists want to ensure that the receiver knew what his colleague 5,000 miles away was thinking because of the brain-to-brain transmission, not because of some other cue. That's amazing. So somehow or another, those two words were transmitted and they knew what those two words were thousands of miles. I don't get it, man. Sounds good. Right. I like it. they knew what those two words were thousands of miles i don't get it man yeah but it sounds good right but i like it if you told me 30 years ago that they were going to be able to send a video

through the mail i'd be like what are you even talking about or through the air on a phone yeah i'd be like what what's a video you're gonna be able to send a video that you're watching it on what you're watching on tv yeah wait a minute hold on so you're gonna a tv show? You're watching it on TV? Yeah. Wait a minute. Hold on. So a TV show, and it's going to be on what? You're going to hold on to something? Like in Star Trek, they didn't even have fucking, if you look at those stupid phones that they had, they didn't even have buttons on them. They would just like Kirk out. Like the spaceship had to know that they were calling Kirk.

But Kirk could call the spaceship, and that's it. He couldn't call his girlfriend. He couldn't get to say, hey, man, you guys want to eat? Like like there wasn't any of that going on like they didn't even think that would be possible yeah but they thought that they'd be able to beam you to break your body down into like subatomic particles and reconstruct you on the surface of an alien planet like that makes sense but you gotta walkie-talkie or something you You got to say Kirk out, you know, Kirk out, you know, you couldn't even, couldn't even like see call ended on your phone.

Like we don't even have any idea what they're going to be able to figure out within the next few years. Like the concept of transmitting a word through the internet and us understanding what that word is to you and I, it's like, what are you talking about? But 10, 20 years from now, they're going to be like, of course you do I that's like what are you talking about but 10 20 years from now they're gonna be like of course you do that that's what you do

I just send words to each other oh it'd be terrible if like it ends up being like a Twitter thing where it's just like you know everybody's stupid like went to the mall this is constantly rattling around your brain do you think that Twitter's making people stupid? No It's making some people stupid right? I think it's just I mean I Don't think it makes people stupid. I think it's just like you know it's just more distractions Well, you know what is the weirdest thing to me? There's some people that use Twitter and it seems like everything they're posting they're they're like manipulating what they think or what they're saying they're manipulating it

in order to get a positive reaction from people like I almost feel like they're not really communicating they're like selling themselves yeah you know they're like faking it I always feel that like when like a celebrity dies like and then everybody posts like oh my god this guy meant this to me or this to me this to me this to me this To me and like I get it you know but like it's it always it seems to be about Yeah themselves kind of in a weird way where it's like this is how much this affected my life and exactly or like any sort Of issue that people like there's like a bandwagon of everybody jumping on like we got to find Coney You know we got to find Coney, you we got to find coney you know like that

and it's just your entire timeline is just everybody talking about coney and i'm like you watched a video you know and that went away immediately because the guy jerked off in public that's it yeah that's all you had to do he's running around his underwear in san diego beating off on the street losing his mind and they were like this is meanwhile This was just the messenger the guy coney was still a piece of shit still a bad guy in Africa Murdering people and shit and everybody's like yeah, but that guy was beaten off. I don't be a part of this well the weird thing The weird thing about the coney thing for me was like when it because it came out of nowhere It was just everybody being like coney coney cononey, Coney. And then you're like, okay, well, that seems like an asshole.

Child army, never good. And then you look into it, and you're like, so what are you doing? They're like, well, we want to get the United States involved and send troops over there. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. We've got a couple countries we're already doing that with. Do we need to be adding to the thing?

To get after one guy? Because he just fits on a bumper sticker? Yeah. Kony 2012. And I'm pretty sure if we go over there, we're not going to grab all those kids and put them into school. I think we're going to probably kill all of his kids. That's kind of what we do when we go over places. They're going to shoot at us. We're going to shoot back.

We're super sorry, but we had to save those kids by shooting them. Yeah, the Kony 2012 and the Ice Bucket Challenge, but we had to save those kids by shooting them. Yeah. Yeah the the coney 2012 and the ice bucket challenge They they both had that thing in common where I felt like there was an insincerity To the message that people were sending out through social media like they were sending it out to get social media brownie points Right wanted everyone to know that they're super conscious and super progressive and there's that that's one of the things that drives me nuts There's certain Twitter pages that I'll visit. One of them recently blocked me because I mocked him on the podcast.

Hilarious. By the way, dummy, don't you know that all I have to do is log out and I can still see your Twitter page, you dipshit? It's public. Just type it into a browser. I can read all your stupidity. But this guy's entire Twitter page

is like telling people how they should be living and telling people what's wrong with the way other people are living and what's wrong with the way other people are thinking and what's so bad about certain social issues it's hilarious like don't you have sandwiches that you like isn't there like a movie you enjoyed did you have a great time too did you have a revelation today did you feel bad about something that maybe you thought? Did you have any is there any unique insight as to you as a human being or is your whole thing like? Lessons to other people yeah

Like everybody needs to learn and this is what's wrong with this and this is what's wrong with that and it's all like That those type of people are almost all either like extreme right- like like real like heavy duty republicans like there's one dumb ass that i go to he he's a young earth christian guy and you know it's everything in his entire timeline is anti-obama anti-liberal anti-gay dinosaurs yeah anti-dinosaur and then this other other guy I go to is extreme left-wing. And everything that he does is like super progressive, super like really like uber left-wing, uber socially conscious,

to the point where I'm not buying it. You sound, you know, you're not even a human. You're like a sounding board for progressive issues. Yeah, you made activism your personality. Exactly. That's a great way to put it. You've made your personality exactly. That's a great way to put it You've made activism your personality. It's a great way to put it and it's not really Activism it's just talking. Yeah, you're just yapping and bitching about shit. Yeah, you know either bitching about shit or

Proclaiming the right way to be and it's always like, you know pro-transgender pro-gay pro the it's like i can i can guess like super easy what your position is going to be on anything it's going to be like super uber left wing like down the pipe every time no nuance no subtlety to it like you're going to subscribe to whatever the agenda is or subscribe to whatever the ideology, you know fits there's a fetishization of Being outraged Or being offended, you know for a lot of like on both sides of the thing where you've you know, I Mean there's genuine outrage and there's genuine being offended at things that there should be, you know You should be offended by but then there's some, you know, you should be offended by.

But then there's some of these people that you see, it just seems like, well, you're kind of reaching. They're recreationally offended. Yeah. Yeah. They're looking for it. There's a lot of reaching. But there's also, I think a lot of it is people just getting used to this new ability to communicate. And they're finding that, I think for some of these these people some of these people are severely socially retarded and they're finding

that they can get love and support when they say things that other folks will agree with so then that's all they say they're all they're doing is like saying things they think other people will agree with yeah and they'll just sound these things out and say them and it most of it is like, duh. There's a lot of stuff like, we should end sexual discrimination. Of course. Who the fuck doesn't? Are you really going to end sexual discrimination by writing about it on Twitter?

If there was a vote, it's going to be 99% of people that say, you check yes, we should end sexual discrimination. Yeah, you know There's a recent study that showed that most people that work out and exercise he's backing up sucking on that robot dick Yeah, you hear it I gotta get you one of these dude. They still make any sound bro. You just gotta fucking cut your hands up while you carry it It's only sharp edges that all these sharp edges You know what you could use this for If you had a particularly tough cut of meat You could roll this fucker all over the meat And it would really soften it up nicely

It's a tenderizer Yeah it's a meat tenderizer I mean it really is If you didn't have a meat tenderizer in your house You could absolutely use this giant hunk of copper It's fucking weight Mom sound yeah, but I think oh shit. I put it on the wrong spot. I put the Put it heads down heads up

piece of shit House fire with that Up overnight and then the whole copper heats up and just burns through your table. You know what would happen? It would make weird noises, and then your cat would come over, and your cat would touch it with his paw, and then he would burst into flames, and then he would jump on the couch, freaking out, trying to, and then the couch would go up, and then your fucking whole house would go into flames. And it's a Ben Stiller movie.

It's just like, what is it? Yeah, it was more like an Adam Sandler movie. No. It would be more Ben Stiller, right? Maybe Will Ferrell. Yeah. I'll say Will Ferrell I think that the the internet and the ability to communicate It's so fresh that there's all these like archetype like Stereotypical sort of characters that have come up like the right-wing guy like, you know, who's a great one to follow Chuck Woolery The guy oh, yeah. Two and two.

We'll be right back. Two and two. All that guy does is bitch about Obama all day. It's all about the Dems. He writes things like, anybody who writes the Dems, you're an idiot. If you write the Dems or the Libs, you're retarded. No Obama. Yeah.

No Obama is great. But all he does is complain about Obama all day all day his fucking entire twitter feed is complaining about the liberals you know meanwhile he's like living in Texas and bass fishing and whining and doing commercials for

like prostate pills I feel like a lot of those guys do like does he have a radio show I don't think he does does he is he auditioning for a radio show? I don't think he does. Does he? Is he auditioning for a radio show? Is that what the Twitter feed is? Here's his... Oh, he has a...

Save Us Chuck. Oh, come on. I did his show back... Hold on a second. Look at this. Today on Save Us Chuck. Get the fuck out of here. That's his show?

That is so ridiculous. The idea that you would call your show Save Us Chuck. Political satire from a Hollywood conservative. Oh my God. Oh, it's political satire? Is that what it is? You know what would be better? If somebody like Onion Style made a Save Us Chuck

and just mocked it openly. Nothing ever gets saved from an old actor i mean don't even play any of it jamie he's probably going to run for a congressman or something wherever he lives game show legend chuck woolery considers why democrats are willing to support bonner why nas NASA and global warming. When the government is in charge of your funding, you tow the company line, just like all government fund in science. What does that mean?

Does it mean he doesn't believe in global warming? Of course you don't. That's an ideological thing. The right wing are reluctant to agree in climate change being something that's a product of human beings. If you elect me. Oh, is he writing for president? It says, if you elect me president, my press secretary would be.

Oh, my God. Is he serious? Oh, I hope that happens. And he write, if you, in gigantic capital letters, elect me president. Write him in. That would be hilarious. That would be great. I always felt like he seemed like a nice guy when he was on that show.

I did his show. I did the dating game. Get the fuck did the dating game when I was 18 years old No, I was I came I was doing I did stand up at the laugh factory when I was 18 And they had scouts in the for the dating game in the audience and they were like I guess at that time They were doing two contestants and then the third contestant was always a comedian So they were going trying to find like kids that were doing standup and like, basically you want to be on the dating game.

So I got to go do, what was that like? It was weird. I mean, it was, it was actually really like, um, because of laws or whatever,

they had to make sure that everything is as it see as, as they say. So you're not allowed to see the other contest. You're not allowed to see the girl. Right. Um, uh, so they have people following you around with walkie-talkies.

To make sure you don't look at her? Yeah, contestant number three is on the way to the bathroom. You know, make sure that, you know, so there is really, like, there was a lot of security. Wow, that's interesting. Did you meet Chuck? Did you hang with him? Did you talk to him about the libs?

No. I met him when the show started and went, yeah, that was it. Here's a perfect ticket. Chuck Woolery, Ted Nugent together at last. Come on. I'd vote for it. Would you just to see what happens?

Yeah. I would like to, I would vote for someone ridiculous like that. If they got in office and see things go exactly the same way they've always gone. Like just like Obama. Yeah. That's the kind of thing I would be really fascinated with. Yeah.

Like, you know, it'd be like I bet, you know, like really see like how much power the president actually has. republicans get in is like things like gay rights uh abortion rights like things along those lines that is a real like like marijuana legalization the support of the dea raiding medical marijuana that gets that's real that's real like they really do have an impact on social issues supreme court justices yeah that's a big that's a big that's a big power the president has. Yeah, choosing those right-wing fuckheads who barely believe in evolution. If they said you can vote for a starfish

and a puppy and just see what happens. I bet a lot of people would vote for it. We would go to war with Iran the next day. Starfish hates Iran. The puppy's with it. Who would be the president, the starfish or the puppy? Yeah.

The crazy thing is they're talking about Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton. That is, to me, insane. Because doesn't it feel like, you know, you're just like, oh, the whole thing's fake. Yes. The whole thing, oh, I mean, you kind of felt it the whole time. But isn't this like, this is the smoking gun, like, oh, it's all rigged. It's all been a trick. I mean, Clinton for eight years, old Bush for four, and then young Bush for eight.

We got Obama like, hey, we got a new name. And then, what, is Obama's wife going to run next? Or the kids. Yeah. Well, you have Chelsea Clinton, then you've got. No, but they really do. They've got another, they've got a brand new Bush. They're down in Texas.

They got a new one. Yeah. Who's the new one? Neil or something. Neil. He just ran for treasury or something. It's a new Bush. And he won and he's young and he's handsome and he's like, they're saying like he's like

the next in queue. Oh, God. Neil Bush. No, that's not Neil. It's another one. He's young and he's handsome and he's like, they're saying he's like the next in queue. Oh, God. Neil Bush. No, that's not Neil. That's another one. He's fairly young. Look up like Texas. Midland, Texas.

It's recent. How many Bushes are there? Neil Bush and his family. Maybe it's not Neil. Maybe it's another George. Scary ass robots. Yeah, he's a Texas. He just won election this year or last year.

Chuck Woolery. That's who I'm voting for, goddammit. Save us, Chuck. We'll be right back in two and two. He didn't end all his fucking press conferences like that. Oh, God. I wonder if he would be terrified if he won the presidency, just being like, oh.

God. I wonder if he would be terrified if he won the presidency. Just being like, oh. I wonder if he would realize that he's not probably capable of being president. Or if he would just not get it at all. Just be like, I should be president. I think he probably thinks he should be president. Yeah. Ted Nugent thinks he should be president.

It's a narcissism thing. Just the idea that I should be in charge is... All presidents are probably crazy. I don't think anybody should be president. I really don't think that I should be in charge is all presidents are probably crazy. I don't think anybody should be president. I really don't think that it should be an option. It should be a computer. Yeah. I mean, we'll probably get there in the next 20 years.

We have a computer. We program in all of our laws, you know, and we were like, okay, now, you know, make the right choice. Yeah, but it's programmed by people and people can influence the programming. I mean, that was one of the big deals with electronic voting machines, right? No, we have that computer be built by a computer. Oh, but then we're fucked because the computer is just going to

take over. Then it's like what Elon Musk is worried about. George P. Bush. See, look at that. That's going to be the next. He's going to be president. He's got a lazy eye. Look at that left eye. So did Kennedy. Somebody punched him. Kennedy had a lazy eye? Yeah. I dated a girl who had a lazy eye and I found that left eye. So did Kennedy. Somebody punched him. Kennedy had a lazy eye? Yeah. I dated a girl who had a lazy eye, and I found lazy eyes sexy for a short period of time.

She was kind of a freak. She was a freak with a lazy eye. I developed a lazy eye fetish for at least a year. Did you? That's a very small you porn search. Well, why are glasses hot? Girls with glasses are hot. Girls with crutches aren't hot.

Why is some disabilities hot? A girl with glasses is something sexy about hot chicks' glasses. Because it's like a library. It's like an older authority figure. Glasses are authority. Ooh, is that what it is? Someone who's reading so much their eyes go bad. Yeah, look at that hot bitch. She can't see Plus you could take your glasses off. You're ugly. She doesn't even know

She could feel you though if you're fat and ugly she'd be like damn she could feel me she can't grow the glasses in no hands Feel your weight on top for it up. You know, she wraps her legs around you and she's like, what is all this fucking fat, you slob? I'm like, what are you talking about? You don't have hands.

What are you being picky for? Fetishes are weird, man. I had a foot fetish too when I was a kid for a little while. I got rid of it. That's a popular one. I don't get it.

I don't get that one. But it's but it's uh all you need is one girl when you're like 18 to play with your dick with her feet and then you got it and you're good yep it's over all you need is one bad nanny growing up and you got a foot yeah there was um i mean i used to talk about it in my act there was a magazine we found in the woods once when i was a kid. It was called Foot Action Magazine. And it was me and these two friends of mine, and my friend Josh and my friend Pedro.

And we're going over these magazines. Like some dude left a magazine bag, like a plastic bag under a log. And when you're a kid and you're in the woods and you find magazines, it's almost always porn. And so we're going through this magazine and it was just like no one was talking because it was all like foot stuff. It was like weird. And then like three minutes in my friend goes,

dude, this shit is all just dicks and feet. goes dude the shit is all just dicks and feet I'll never forget him saying that I never forget those words coming out of his mouth because we were totally quiet while we're like we're confused because we're only like 11 yeah and he's like dude this shit is all just dicks and feet and articles You know obviously again pre-internet, you know any 11 year old kid has probably seen hours of hardcore ass porn at this point Yeah, I just think it's so crazy. I mean there's a time where there's like You know guys would just go out into the woods with a foot magazine and just jerk off and leave it there like that's like The scariest person I can think of meanwhile. There's probably someone listening to us right now with earbuds jerking off to a foot magazine. Yeah Hey, how'd you guys know man? I mean you get enough numbers

You know you get like a million people that listen to a podcast at once You know there's got to be one dude out there jerking off to a foot magazine Yeah, you looked at it. There's a million. Yeah, right? That's one of the bigger fetishes, isn't it? Probably. It's a pretty big one. Yeah, but like, what are their big fetishes? Like big girls?

Some guys like really big girls? Yeah. There's all the kids that dress up like animals. Hmm. Furries. Furries. Have you ever seen them?

Oh, Mike. Been there live? I went, I've never, I mean, we were playing a festival in Atlanta and it was the furry convention in town the same day. I went, I've never, I mean, I, um, we were playing a festival in Atlanta and, um, it was the furry convention in town the same day.

And we were all in the same hotel room and we had driven, we had driven from Florida. We had just done a show in Florida and then we were sketched out by the hotel that was provided for us. We're like, we're just going to fucking drive to like Atlanta. So we drove all night. So we got into the, um, that hotel was so sketchy. You drove all night. It was, it hotel was so sketchy you drove all night it was it was there was blood we flipped the mattress over and there was blood on the bottom of it and

flip it back no I mean we flipped it for a reason there was shit on one side so we're like fuck this for driving Atlanta so we drove like all night and then we get in and we're like we're all almost like delirious like tired so I'm like I get into hotel and then we're seeing all these furries everywhere And your mascot convention yeah, yeah Well the weird thing is like kids are coming up to them because the kids see like you know It's a mascot and they're like hugging them. I'm like don't hug that costume It's not goofy, but I checked into my room and there was, you know, the whole, most of the hotel was rented by furries and there was the loudest like sex going on like against the wall while

I was trying to sleep. And all I wanted to do is like midday and I just want to get like a couple hours of sleep before the show that night. And it's just like loud sex. And then these guys just getting in fights being like i would never i would never there's repeating that again and again i would never like you know like and then just more sex kind of stuff and then it was uh that's my only encounter with furries oh oh i i stumbled upon one as well in Pittsburgh. I was in Pittsburgh, and apparently that's one of the places where they have big—

they used to have a big one in San Diego, but they moved it to Pittsburgh because Pittsburgh is more open-minded than San Diego. That doesn't make any sense to me. But this guy was telling me that he might be bullshitting me, but apparently San Diego is a pretty conservative town in a lot of ways because there's a lot of military down there. Well, you put a furry convention in a military community. That's probably not.

I had never seen it in person. And it was just total dumb luck that we were in town the exact same time. And when we got to our hotel, the people that were working there were ecstatic to talk to people that weren't furries. And wanted to tell you all the things that furries were asking for oh wow and one of the crazy things they were asking for they want all their food in bowls they want to eat on the ground like a dog and uh they asked like room service they could deliver their food in bowls like milk they wanted milk in a bowl like a dog so they could drink out of it and they wanted a litter box in the hallway they asked

for a litter box in the lobby they gotta draw for a litter box in the lobby. They got to draw the line there. The guy was like, what? And I said, hold on. The guy asked you to put a regular-sized litter box? He goes, no, they wanted a large box. They wanted to pay to have a large litter box installed in the lobby. And their thoughts were, hey, we have this whole hotel. We bought out the whole hotel. It wasn out the whole hotel wasn't the whole hotel

I was in the hotel too right, but there was a few other people that weren't furry So we want to shit in the lobby they wanted to shit in the lobby That's in there at least pee like they asked the guy I mean he could have been they could have been pulling the guy's leg But I guarantee if the guy said yes, somebody would have shit in that lobby. Oh, yeah, somebody if they had like a big Like sandbox yeah, like when one of the ones that kids play in fill with cat litter i i love i love going to like different like uh groups message boards and just like hanging out on them like lurking on them just reading them and it's

like one of my favorite things to do at night and um i've been on like furry ones before and it's like they're like serious about that stuff it's insane it's like it's like and that is a is a very new thing mm-hmm yeah something happened I don't know if it's Wi-Fi signals or cell phone service that but something something did something to people vaccines yeah Jenny McCarthy's right what if it's um there's the other thing these uh spirit animals like people like like i'm i'm a fox kin like i'm fox is my spirit other kids other kids there's planet kids there's girls who think that i do a song about it on the this new album um i do a song called bullies where the whole point of the song is like you know everyone's

cracking down on these bullies but like okay fine bull, fine, bullies are bad. But like, if the bullies go away, we're screwed. Like, because they're keeping you in line. Like, you know, when I was a kid, I, you know, I, you go away for the summer, you know, you don't see your friends so much like that. And so I was really into Ninja Turtles. And like, and so then when it gets to be around like 13 or years old, like I come back to school with all my Ninja Turtle toys, you know, thinking that everybody's going to like, you know, be still into Ninja Turtles. And then everybody just made fun of me. Like, what are you doing with toys?

Like, and I was like, okay, good. Duly noted. Got rid of them. And it was fine. Like, you know, cause the bullies kept me in line. They kind of told me like, that's not cool anymore. Yeah. They mock you.

Yeah. They mock you. Yeah. When I was a kid, I was 11 and I moved from Florida to Boston and, um, I guess I was 11, 12. I might've been 13. Yeah. About 13. And, uh, I guess I was in middle school and I went to this, I was in Jamaica plane, which is kind of now it's become more gentrified. But when I lived there, it was pretty sketchy. It was like late 70s, early, like maybe 1980, at the latest 1980. I think high school freshman year was 81 for me. So I guess it was like 1979 or 1980. And I had like an incredible Hulk lunchbox. And, you know, when you're in a fucking you know quote-unquote urban uh middle school and

you show up with a fucking cartoon lunchbox you get shit all over i have i had that lunchbox for one day i remember like i was so happy i got this lunchbox i was like super psyched i love the hulk and uh they fucking looked at me like i was like a victim like i was like ready i was gonna get attacked like i was a limping antelope Straying in front of the water back of the herd. Yeah, you know I was I was realized like I got to get rid of this thing I remember thinking to myself. I gotta leave it in a locker somewhere Yeah, I got to take this lunchbox and just leave it somewhere I can't even bring it home because like I'm in danger carrying it around like carrying around like it was a target

Yeah, none of the other kids had lunch boxes with like cartoon like there was no innocence at all it was non-existent It was like a dangerous creepy school environment and here I'm walking around with this fucking lunch box, but if you didn't have that experience You could be dressing up like Hulk today being in a hotel room with like Yeah, but it's not bad. I mean comic-con.'ve never been. I've been to San Diego while it was happening. They look like they're having a good time, you know? Yeah, no, I think there's a huge difference between the cosplayers in Comic-Con and furries. What's the difference?

I don't, I think that they'll... You're backtracking. No, I'll stick with it. I'll stick with it. Okay, let's explore this. No I'll stick with it I'll stick with it Okay let's explore this It's uh Well I don't think

I think the furry thing And I'm probably wrong But uh The the the You know Quick take That I get away from it Is that it seems to be

A lot about sex You know Like dressing up And having sex With other animals They defend that though Yeah If you bring that up

To furries They say no it's not about that Furries contact me Because we shit on them In a podcast Because you know I've I've had- They say, no, it's not about that. Furries contact me because we shit on them in a podcast because, you know, I've heard that as well. And they'll say, it's not about that. Yeah.

But that's what people say about anything. True. People don't want to ever admit it's just about sex, but weird. And, okay, but on the other hand, now I'm even like doubting myself. I'm playing devil's advocate to myself. Even if it is about that and it's just a person who wants to dress up like a animal and fuck another guy dressed like an animal who gives a shit really i mean i think it's weird but like you know it doesn't bother me it doesn't affect me at all it's voluntary yeah as long as things are voluntary who cares you can be weird and voluntary it's not

it's not a bad thing to want to fuck a mascot you know why is that awful but it's also not bad to think it's weird yeah it's not bad it's definitely not bad to think it's weird but there's a lot of weird shit that we just accept like what's up with like garter belts like why do people like like thigh high stockings and you know right elastic bands connect your underwear to your stock what the fuck is all that about? That's weird shit too. Yeah. Like, why is that hot? Yeah. Yeah. Lingerie? I don't get it. Mm-hmm.

Jesus Christ, piece of shit. I did it again. I set this fucking shitty thing down, and it's hot as fuck every time I do it. We're gonna burn the studio to the ground. The studio's going down. But if you look at it like that, it's like a lunar module or something.

Yeah. It looks like a miniature from like an old sci-fi film. I've never seen one so stupid. I've seen a bunch of these things. I've never seen one this dumb. It's like a Flash Gordon dildo. I just can't understand

why anybody would make it so hard to hold on to. Like, the idea that it's so sharp-edged. Yeah. How did that happen? Where'd that come from what the giant vape thing how come they have the little e-cigarettes and the little e-cigarettes where it looked like a cigarette and then it turned to like black ones like oh it's it's murdered out you got a murdered cigarette it's all black blacked out and then it

turned into these goddamn robot i think it's all battery life I think it's because the batteries in these things you know I think this will last like a day you know you can kind of hit it all day that's it yeah that only lasted data how many times a day do you hit that thing but constantly and you were smoking how much I was a pack a day for a while and then I switched to this and, but I bet my nicotine level is through the roof. I bet I do I take in more nicotine now than

when I smoked a pack a day. But nicotine's not necessarily what's dangerous, right? Well, it's not great for you. I mean, it'll raise your blood pressure. You know, you still got yeah, you still you still got problems with like heart attack, stroke, kind of things like that, but it's real Yeah, cuz it raises it's a stimulant so it raises your blood pressure

You got a really jack it up all day though to get that kind of response time. Yeah, which I do I do But uh but like as far as Carcinogens, I think it's pretty in the clear as far as they know right now. Did you ever see that Russell Crowe? He's backing up Here it I'm trying to keep it quiet No, we don't don't worry about it man. What was that Russell Crowe movie the insider? Is that what it was? Yeah, where he was a scientist that worked for the cigarette companies and was He was testifying about all the different chemicals that they put. Yeah That's terrifying shit.

Yeah. The number of chemicals they allowed. The FDA allowed 599 plus chemicals. I mean, I remember, I was just talking about this last week, where there's, I remember when I was a kid, you know, you download like Anarchist Cookbook and all this stuff from like the internet. And there was a CIA handbook that you could download. I don't know if it's real or not, but one of the things that they told you how to do in there is they said, there's enough chemicals in a pack of cigarettes to kill somebody.

And you boil it down, you distill it and you can make like a paste that you'd put on like a doorknob. And then if somebody like touches it, it'll kill them. Like it'll give them like same cut, same type of deal with the nicotine thing where it's an absorbent, you know, toxin. That's so crazy.

It says here cigarette smoke contains 4,000 chemicals, including 43 known cancer causing compounds and 400 other toxins. 43 out of 4,000 is not that bad though. If you, you know, only 43 of them cause cancer. But there is 599 ingredients. So I don't know why there's 599 ingredients and 4,000 chemicals. I don't know how that works. But all those things were approved. That's what's really crazy.

Like they say, yeah, yeah, yeah, put that in. We're thinking about throwing formaldehyde and just say, oh, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool. We're thinking about throwing formaldehyde. Oh, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool. We're still golfing, right? Yeah, you're golfing. I mean, it's through all these different chemicals. And what's really fascinating about it is the object or the purpose of all these chemicals is just to try to make you more addictive. Right. That's what it is.

That's where the flavor comes from. Does it? I don't know. I don't think so. Cancer chemicals? I mean, they add a bunch of shit, according shit according least to that movie that Russell Crowe movie Yeah, just to try to get you more and more hooked. Yeah Does a great job. Yeah, it's really addictive

Imagine if you came out with a product today that did the damage the cigarette did and you tried to push it You know if you came out with some new thing Yeah, and it killed yeah, I was like in half a million people a year like a vaporizer that gets super hot and burns down Do you think they're dangerous no I was talking about though that one cuz it's get so high yeah I don't know I mean it takes a long time to find this stuff out doesn't it don't have to do like 20 years studies and things like before they Kind of really know I Mean as far as it you know I read about it because I do it all I Use the vaporizer so I like you worry yeah a little bit like I look up whenever I see anything about and it seems like

They find there. It's not it's it's not as good as not doing anything, but it's a lot better than smoking. It's not as good for you as not doing it, but it's not as bad for you as smoking cigarettes. So for people that smoke cigarettes, you got to kind of weigh your options. Like, do you think you're going to be able to quit? And if you can, you just quit on your own right but if you don't think you're gonna be able to quit you can kind of do that and get your fix yeah is it as good uh no it's not as good but like i've been doing it for like seven years now and now i don't even like when i want nicotine i don't think about a cigarette. You think about that? Yeah. When was the last time you smoked a cigarette?

An hour ago. No. I probably actually smoked one probably a month ago, but like one at like a party. One? Yeah. You could do that? Yeah, because I just smoke one cigarette maybe three or four times a year, like really infrequently now.

Stephen King gives himself one cigarette when he finishes a book. Oh, wow. That's why I write so many books It's his whole motivation, but isn't that interesting like he allows himself a cigarette when he finishes a book, huh? It's good Help up your productivity. There's a documentary that I'm in called the culture the culture high recent documentary by the same people that did this other documentary I was in called The Union. And it's all about how the prison industry and the medical marijuana and marijuana has been demonized, how many people are in jail because of it, just the percentage of people that are nonviolent drug offenders that are in there because of marijuana,

and how many people, like the literally drug war would dissolve if it wasn't for marijuana being illegal right the amount of people that get arrested for other drugs pales in comparison but one of the things they talked about was cigarettes and they said that if you take if you smoke two packs of cigarettes that's the that's the breaking number where you are four thousand times more likely to get cancer. Two packs of cigarettes? Yeah.

In your life? No. No, no, no. Every day. Oh, every day. Two packs a day. Oh, oh, oh. 4,000 times more.

I might have made those numbers up, by the way. They sound good. I listened to it on a plane. I mean, I watched it on a plane, half awake. That's crazy. That's a lot of cigarettes, though. Two packs a day. Not for Doug Stanhope.

That motherfucker throws them down. John Mellencamp does four packs a day. Does he really? I heard that. I was in one of his shows about him. He smokes like four. But every time you see him in an interview, he's smoking, and then he's lighting the other one when that one's going out. He's just going back to back on those things all day.

I was in Indiana at a UFC, and John Mellencamp was in the audience, and they showed a picture of him. You know, they showed the video of him, um, you know, in the crowd and showed it to the audience and they booed him. Really? Liberal. They think he's, and I had to ask, I go, why don't they like John Mellencamp? He's from Indiana. I'm was born in a small town. The whole deal. Nope. He's a liberal. He must've said something. There must have been something. I wonder if he got outspoken on some sort of issue that like...

Slavery. Something like that. He doesn't even like that. Yeah. I don't know what it was, man, but they booed the shit out of him. I was like, that is crazy.

Jack and Diane. Yeah. He likes... He's too liberal for Indiana. At least that crowd, UFC crowd in Indiana. They were mad at him. I couldn't believe it. I was like, it's goddamn John

Mellencamp, you fucks. Commies. I wonder if he had any idea of that before he went, that's gotta suck. Go to see like a UFC fight and then the entire like place hates you. Yeah yeah it was a large number of people booing them too it wasn't just like a couple of boos like scattered in the clapping and applause yeah that's kind of uh you tell your wife like you know what I don't think

I need to see the rest of the fight let's just get in the car pretend we're in the bathroom fire up the car before they lynch us yeah there's certain spots in the country where you're not allowed to be liberal. I mean, you really are not. You are allowed to be kind of conservative anywhere. You'll be mocked, but it's not dangerous per se. But if you're a liberal in certain parts of the country, that's the team mentality. Are you a Raiders fan?

You know what I mean? It's like that team mentality really comes out. People love to defend their team and when you are a liberal, you're thought to be weak, you goddamn bleeding heart. Oh, you're going to help all those welfare moms and all the, you know,

they just take that money and spend it on fucking drugs. Don't you know? Don't you know? Don't you know? I like saying I hang out on all these conspiracy sites. A lot of them lean right. A lot of conspiracy sites. Almost all of them, right?

Yeah, most of them. Remember when Texas was talking about seceding? Or Rick Perry was talking about seceding from the union. Yeah, that's hilarious. When he was about to run for president, which was a weird move. But he was like, you know, we can secede. And so everybody on the conspiracy boards that were from Texas, there was this big thread where everybody was talking about it.

And everybody was like, first thing we're going to do is we're going to go to Austin and just kick everybody's ass. That's what they said? Yeah. everybody was like first thing we're gonna do is we're gonna go to austin and just kick everybody's ass that's what he said yeah that's like that was the first thing if we succeed we're gonna get austin this is broken stop working probably burned it all up that's hilarious i gotta put more juice in it here how much did i burn dude a lot that's gross um yeah it doesn't isn't texas like uh it's a different sort of a state it's like it's the the way they're set up it's a the republic of texas yeah yeah because they um i've my history's right i think um during or leading up to the civil war texas wanted to be part of the union or it came that Texas could

be part of the union, but then they wouldn't accept them because they thought, uh, they didn't want to swing the amount of pro-slave states. Um, they didn't want to add another pro-slave state and like kind of, they had like a equal, you know, amount of pro-slave and non-slave states. So they didn't accept Texas's entrance into the union. So they made their own country. And then after the Civil War, when they asked Texas to come into the country, they had this kind of caveat, you know, which they're like, okay, but at any point, if we want to leave, we can leave. If it gets shitty, it's a prenup.

Yeah, basically. Texas is like the only state that came into the country with a pre-nup. And where they were like, okay, but we can leave at any time. And so I think that's what Rick Perry was talking about. Is this the thing I got to unscrew? This is so goofy. There's so much involved in these fucking things. I can't believe you can only suck on it like four or five times and it runs out of juice.

Oh, you sat there cooking it for about ten minutes probably. No, it wasn't that long. The first time I caught it, it was going for a minute. Yeah, but is that cooking the stuff? How come it doesn't come out then? It was. But very little. Yeah.

All right, so where does it go? You put it on that little coil. This can't be good for you. And you've got to make that coil, don't you? This is my first and last day. Oh, yeah. Because you have to build your own coils on these things. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have a bunch of wire in my car. What's wrong with you? I just I love nicotine

It's the greatest drug and I'm gonna pour it in see this This isn't even giving me a buzz though, I'd rather have a cigar You ever see that there's a video oh I fucking spilled everything watch out you're gonna heart attack really no video of this guy hand rolling a Cuban cigar with a GoPro on his head it's pretty dope you get to see how they do it so it's so much skill involved in that are those legal here now yes that's cool you only allowed to have a few though do they sell them can you buy them in Los Angeles it's a good question but I think you're allowed to have a few, though. Do they sell them? Can you buy them in Los Angeles? That's a good question.

But I think you're allowed to have a few now because we're kind of opening up the thing. Jamie, find that out. There's a number that you're allowed to have. I'm pretty sure. I'd imagine you can buy them now. There's a lot of counterfeit ones. And apparently there's so much of a demand for Cuban cigars that the quality has diminished for some of them. Yeah, they're just not worth as much as they used to be.

They're just not as good, rather, as they used to be because the soil's getting depleted. There's a lot of fake ones. There's a lot of counterfeit Cuban cigars. But it's another one of those things, just like the fucking rich guys that want to go to Everest. It says you can bring in $100 worth of alcohol or tobacco from Cuba. But do they sell them here in the States yet? I just did it again. I put this fucking stupid thing face up. I might be retarded.

I need to go to a doctor. Maybe that's what's happening. This thing's making me stupid. That's what they'll find out. Yeah. I don't know, man. That's what happened to everybody. Well, then why does Stephen King say it makes him smarter?

Well, he's just saying it makes him... Oh, yeah. Made his brain work. Maybe it makes him... Maybe it makes you more creative but not smarter. Well, that's what Tony Hinchcliffe says. Tony Hinchcliffe says when he smokes and he writes, it's just way better.

It's like his brain just is firing up. Well, it's almost like, you know, all those... Well, I guess everybody smokes, so it's not really... You know, but like all those old writers, you think about like Hemingway or anything. it's all smoking and drinking and all this how about nasa when they were trying to uh do the moon landing shit they were all in the fucking control room they're all puffing it's kind of crazy yeah they all had those weird like uh they're smoking in the spaceship it was just no i don't know they're smoking on the moon there's like so many

cigarette butts up there they put the flag on on. They're going to ash me on the moon. Buzz Aldrin. Yeah. The control room, though, in Houston, when they were all monitoring it, they were all smoking. There was a bunch of guys smoking. And they all looked like Peter Parker's boss from Spider-Man. Like those haircuts. What was his name?

J. Jonah Jameson? Yeah. That's what everybody looked like. They're old school? J. Jonah Jameson? Yeah. That's what everybody looked like. They all died when they were 50. Cancer, see ya. That's it. Got to a certain age.

There's no wise old men. They didn't make it. Smoke cigarettes, die. A few hearty souls lasted deep in their 60s, and they talk like this. Remember those things you'd see? People had those things on their neck so they

could talk to you like this. Do they do that anymore? Is that a thing? That's a good question. There's a commercial that they air from some woman.

She was beautiful when she was younger and then she smoked a lot of cigarettes and got cancer and now half her face is missing and she's got no throat. She wears a wig and she has, she has like the whole.

I really hate those commercials. And she wears this thing on her neck. I get the point of the commercials, but they're so unpleasant, which is the point, you know. There was a hack thing that comedians used to do. I don't know who invented it first. I think it was probably Hicks who first started putting the microphone microphone he put a microphone on his neck and started talking like this and then leary kind of ripped it off from hicks and a bunch of other people started ripping it off from each

other it became like well no one can tell you you can't do that and then yeah it was the hack thing to do and you know you did a thing about smoking yeah stick the microphone on your neck to represent those things remember they used to things. Remember they used to have a thing they used to have to put. Yeah. It was... Like a fake voice box. Yeah.

It was just something that vibrated, right? It did what your vocal cords would do. Yeah. Or it somehow or another picked up on the sounds you were trying to make

with your fucking cancer ridden neck. And now we'll just be able to send it through our minds because of that technology. So that's the new. And maybe your mind would work better if you're smoking. Nobody would worry about throat cancer anymore.

You don't even need that fucking thing. Yeah. That's on our, we're on our way to becoming aliens, right? Aliens have those little tiny mouths because they didn't need them anymore. Yeah. Big giant stupid heads because all they're doing is like sending data with their heads. They need a large hard drive up there. Well, we'll probably end up just being computers

where we'll upload us into like some sort of hard drive. Because probably more complicated than that, we're probably going to be some sort of artificial creation, like an artificial body, like not necessarily a computer, but like, you know, everything about us artificial, not like living. Well, you know, eventually probably a virtual thing. We'll probably realize like,

why are we so hung up on bodies? Yeah. You know, just like, maybe they'll just be, it'll probably just be like a computer that has versions of us just kind of out of, well, it's good to know where you came from.

You know, it's computers paying respect. Like let's keep, you know, a lot of them virtually inside of us. And then the computers will go out and explore the galaxy and kind of yeah You know and we'll just be kind of an interesting footnote. You know that they kind of pay respect to What the fuck yeah?

We'll be like when you go to the zoo and you see those like fake cave people you know they're Yeah, like statues of the fake people by the cave with the end of those yeah This is where we came from. They were kind of not as smart as we are, and that's what we'll be to the computers. We'll have people. These are early men. They'll have people that are just bent over looking at their phone. And they're like, that's baby us.

That's them with baby us. Yeah. Instead of having a club, one of those big caveman Flintstones style clubs with the fur on, like 2001, a space odyssey looking people. Instead of that, they just have a dude with an iPhone staring down at you. Tweeting about how great the jinx was. And then they'll have Google Glasses. This was the first step. They'll have Google Glass.

Have you seen the virtual reality ski goggles? Where you see the whole world in front of you becomes a desktop and you start manipulating things in front of you. Oh, yeah. And you spin. Yeah, they have, it's like. Like Minority Report kind of thing. Yeah. But it's all, you're wearing goggles.

And through these goggles, you can see, like i could see you but i also could like pull up things in front of you augmented reality yes they call them yeah augmented reality and then oculus rift yeah that's gonna be huge that's scary that comes out like this year right um i don't know i mean there's versions of it now like duncan duncan trussell has um uh he has an older version but he just tried the newest version. And he called me up screaming and ranting and raving. Apparently it's in 4K, so it's just insanely graphic, like insanely high definition, beautiful video.

And the way they film it, they put cameras all over your body, like these little small cameras. Everywhere you're moving that that option is available So if you move to the right you could they've already got video of that You move to the left and the processing speed of computers today is apparently good enough to keep up with this Yeah and you're you go into a room and when you go into this room is the guy playing the piano and He goes you really feel like you're in a room with a guy playing the piano. It's that good. That's crazy

You know, I was reading something about this company that's trying to start up where what they're going to do is take these. Because I think it's like a spherical camera that is basically recording in all directions at once. They want to go to like Everest. They want to go to the pyramids. They want to plant one of these things. And you pay like a monthly service. And then you're just sitting in your home. You're like, I want to see what it's like at the pyramids right now.

And you put this on, and you're there. They're going to put one on a satellite in low orbit going around the planet. So you can just be like floating in space over like anywhere you want. And then they're saying that like what's really going to be crazy about it is how it's going to change news. Because like CNN will have their camera. Like, you know uh fox news will have their camera so like you know something happens in ferguson you know they go down there and they plant their camera there and then you can just ever all their viewers can just go and actually be at like the where the news is happening and you can kind of look around and see for yourself you can watch the state of the union

with you know the camera there and you see what your specific state senator is doing wow you can see john mccain playing poker on his phone talking about going to war with syria yeah remember when that was going on he was advocating going to war with syria and he was playing fucking angry birds they caught him doing it too man he's still working there like like that should be something you should be paying attention to, man. Maybe we should get somebody in there who's paying attention and not playing poker on their fucking phone, dude. Christ. How trivial is war to you?

It's so relaxed. It's less important than Farmville. Oh, he can't help it. He can't help it. It's like someone's sitting there talking to you at dinner. They have to check their phone. Yeah. And the call of kings and queens and aces just pulls him in.

Yeah. How old is he? A thousand. Because people were like, when he was running for president, people were like, he's going to die in the next year or two. And that was eight years ago now. Well, he's unhealthy, too. I mean, it's not like he's just old and he exercises a lot and you know he's not jack laurain i mean he's he was really fucked

up because of being a prisoner of war i mean he was tortured and his shoulders are fucked up like really beyond repair that's the thing like he can't raise his hands he can't like raise his arms over his head he's not like physically well, but he makes sense sometimes, which is weird. You know, he's not off about everything. Like he starts talking,

like one of the things about when he and Obama were debating, he was, they were talking about going into Afghanistan and, you know, Obama was like, you know, we'll just go in, we'll send troops, we'll take care of the bad guys.

And McCain was like, whoa, wait a minute, man. That's when McCain made sense, because this guy was in war, was a prisoner of fucking war, was tortured, held by the Viet Cong. And he was like, it is not that easy, man. Do you know what it's like over there? One of the things that he said that really fucking stunned me, and I had to research it, and it turns out it's totally true. He said most of Afghanistan operates essentially exactly the way it did when Alexander the Great was around. Yeah, he's like, you're talking about a country that's never been conquered. Yeah.

Like, the terrain itself makes it just almost impenetrable. Like, you're going gonna send troops into the mountains Yeah, and the crazy the whole it was like our plan to bankrupt the Russians Was to get them involved over there. Yeah with the same people that were fighting Yeah, so it's like we we like set this great trap and then Walked like you, just forgot about it. It's like the kid from Home Alone went home one day and forgot all the stuff that he had set for the burglars.

Well, it's almost like they set a trap and then didn't realize that a trap had heroin in it. Oh, wait a minute. This isn't a trap. We left all that great heroin in it. Forget what I said. Forget what I said. Let's try one more time, but do it right and grow heroin okay? This is gonna cost us so much money not really

It's actually just a lot of money there sitting around see I can move it I'll be with a beautiful thing they found recently they they said they found recently that there's they found recently. They said they found recently that there's trillions of dollars worth of minerals in the mountains. Yeah. Lithium, stuff they use to make batteries. Yeah.

To blow on this thing. Now it makes noise. I think it broke it. Maybe it's full. I think it broke it. Is it full? It's full? You had to do it because you saw me do it.

You get that pull. It's monkey see, monkey do? It's full. You had to do it because you saw me do it. You get that pull. It's monkey see, monkey do. It's exciting. It's like Pavlov's dog. Ring that bell. This is not going to be a regular thing, folks, if you listen to this podcast. He asked me if he could do his and I said, alright, yeah, do it, man.

And then I'm just fucking doing it too. I have bottles of this shit. What if I I drank that how quick would I die probably quick? I think I think within Yeah, like the whole bottle mm-hmm $10 says you die within If you pour that into someone's drink like you know people are always talking about like pouring Roofies in someone's drink what if you pour this into like someone had like a Jager bomb? Yeah, you just have a heart attack You just probably have a heart attack within a couple hours. God. Yeah, right the stimulant. It's crazy

This guy sent me fucking heart attack juice. I got it on my fingers. Is that bad? I don't think I don't think Dude you had gloves on man. Yeah, but that was back in 2007. I'm sure they've changed the formula. I'm sure this random guy What's the next thing you know well they vaporized alcohol now have you seen that if you look it up on YouTube, it's crazy Yeah, it's this it's like this little kit You can buy and you like heat it up and you put like alcohol in it and then people are just taking these vapor hits of alcohol. That's crazy. And then they just, the FDA just legalized powdered alcohol this week.

So now you can like snort vodka. What? Yeah. They approved it. That can't be good. But it sounds, but you know, it sounds worth trying would you try it oh yeah how would you know how much to take no just guess like you know one of the good things about alcohol is it's super powerful but you kind of know what a shot of tequila is right shot of

tequila is pretty uniform you know that's why like whiskey is okay but moonshine's illegal okay i guess i never thought about it but yeah you're probably right because there's some Whiskey is okay, but moonshine's illegal. Okay. I guess. I never thought about it, but yeah. You're probably right. Some moonshine. Because there's some sort of... Well, isn't moonshine just illegal because it's unregulated? Yeah.

And they don't know what the percentage is that you're putting in there? Like Everclear. That stuff's legal, right? Yeah. In some states. Some states it's not. Some states it's not. Yeah.

States have weird laws on booze. Like Utah's got weird laws on booze. Like your beer can't even be that strong. Yeah states it's not. Yeah, states have weird laws on booze. Like Utah's got weird laws on booze. Like your beer can't even be that strong. Yeah, because Mormons. Yeah, fucking Mormons. I was there recently and it was hilarious. When we landed, we were coming down the escalator and there was all these people that were waiting there for the missionaries to return. The elders who are in like foreign countries convincing these poor people to sign up and become Mormons.

Not drink caffeine. It's so fucked up, man. So we're coming down the... No, you can drink caffeine. Really? You just can't drink coffee. It's a loophole. You can't drink...

You can't drink coffee, but you can drink caffeine. So my friend who was a Mormon used to drink monster energy drinks all day. Oh, wow. And I was like, wait a minute. You're not allowed to drink coffee, but you can drink that? He's like, yeah, it's not covered. It's not covered by Jesus.

Jesus doesn't say anything about fucking Zion's energy drinks. He's cool with taurine. What is taurine? Is that bad for you? Probably. That's the shit that's in Red Bull, right? This fucking dude, and I'm not lying,

I never saw him. It was like his arm was connected to his can of fucking Monster Energy drink. He would drink that shit all day long. Yeah. Everyone's got to have something. If that's the only thing you can have, then you're going to be addicted to that. Well, before he was a Mormon, he had some issues with some substances. And then his wife got him to convert over, and then he just went with the program but he liked his caffeine so became a monsters energy drink kind of a guy but a lot of those dudes that are like a a guys cigarettes

and coffee mm-hmm yeah they're not drug free by any goddamn stretch of the imagination they're just not taking anything that just obliterates your consciousness right they're just altering it on a consistent basis. Yeah. Or something that's a little easier on your liver. Yeah, it's definitely easy. Well, the cigarettes aren't. Cigarettes bad for your liver?

I didn't know that. It's bad for everything. Your whole body's like, what do we do with this shit? It's in your bloodstream, your pancreas apparently. Pancreatic cancer is a big one. Cigarette smokers, the lungs of course. But it stunts so many different processes in your body body there's so many different things that are just going what is all this shit people should just do nitrous all day every day yeah just do whippets man there's something about

doing whippets if you commit to like whippets and huffing paint you're kind of in the same category like wait wait what are you doing you're taking some stuff that you're not supposed to get high with and you're using it to get high? Yeah. That's not cool. But meanwhile, whippets, do whippets fuck you up more than a glass

of Jack Daniels? Whippets are amazing. They're like, I went through a phase where I was doing a lot of whippets. Really? Oh, God.

And it was, you know, I mean, you had to stop because it was just like, this is, I enjoy this. Does it give you brain damage? Well, everything gives you brain damage, doesn't know, I mean, you had to stop because it was just like, this is, I enjoy this. Does it give you brain damage?

Well, everything gives you brain damage, doesn't it? I mean, you lose like 200 or 20,000 brain cells a day just from, you know, waking up, you know, kind of walking around. Like, so it's, I mean, I think it's, you know. How many do you have? It's like a thousand. Do you get new ones? No, you don't. I don't think you get new ones.

Ever? No. Fuck. I think it's, I think you have what you have. I don't think you get new ones. Ever? No. Fuck. I think you have what you have. Well, I think you get new ones if you do mushrooms. That's the only way. That makes sense. Probably.

Really? For real? Yeah. It's like one of the few things that have been shown to regenerate neurons in the brain or something like that. So just do as much mushrooms as you were doing nitrous and you'd be fine. It's nice and equilibrium. Maybe.

You'd probably have to live in a mountain somewhere. You'd probably get so detached from everybody. Show yourself when you get in firewood and go back to your cabin I was I was doing a sketch like a music video for It was this country music song called, you know, it was about like blue laws and states like, you know And if they won't tell you alcohol, you know, the song is called what about mouthwash and it was like, you know All these different things like what about mouthwash and it was like you know all these different things like what about mouthwash what about huffing paint and all these things that you could you could do and uh for the music video it was like oh fuck it we'll just you know um we're in

the truck uh got some paint in uh spray paint in a bag and my friend had like mouthwash and so we're just like did it for the shot and i i just you know because the shot was on so i just sprayed the spray paint in the bag and then i just huffed in and it's so fast it's so immediate and it's so high like what does it do to you it's like i we i did it and i was like and then i like kind of broke take i was like whoa like you know i was like this really works like, you know, I was like, this really works. Like, huffing paint is like the real deal. Oh, that's so funny. It's quick. That's so funny.

Yeah. Oh, have you ever talked to someone who works in an auto body shop, like spray painting cars? No. You know, they wear those masks and shit, but it doesn't really work. I mean, it works a little bit, but if you're spray painting a car, you go into those booths, those guys get high as fuck. It's like the hidden secret of auto body work it's such a dirty high to imagine the paint high this huffing it doesn't feel like like it's good for you like you're drinking kale shake so you're like lightheaded and you're like whoa I'm

high and you're like this is gonna feel bad when it wears off. Oh god. That's so crazy Wow Everybody's seen those images of the guy who got arrested several times and he has paint Fucking goatee of silver paint over his face Fuck man. It's so weird You ever see that um I forget what show it was it's one of those um I don't know if there's a rehab show or something Intervention show yeah where the girls have addicted a duster

The dust stuff these brand new keyboard keyboard the air yeah, what does that do to you? There's a guess it gets you high. I don't know I've never done it But like she was going through like she just in the would follow her to Walmart And she'd go to Walmart fill up her cart with Duster. And she does this every day. She just goes through and just does Duster all day. You know the problem with that show is I have been exposed too much to how television works. And part of me is calling bullshit. Part of me is saying, this person is so together that they've contacted the producers of the show.

They're on the show. They're walking around. The camera's following them. Really? Are you sure? Or are you sure they're not engineering this whole thing? But do they call or do their families call? That's a good question. I just don't get why, I mean, like, if I had a loved one

who was, like, you know, like, had a problem, you know, and was like, all right, I gotta do an intervention. Like, the last thing I would think of is, like, and I gotta get a TV show to watch this thing like you know you say that but i mean what the fuck did dr drew do for all those years when he's doing celebrity rehab he took these people at their most vulnerable time and publicly shamed them showed them on television having the dt's freaking out each other screaming at each other incredibly vulnerable and exposed them to the world for other people's amusement.

And he's a doctor, an addiction specialist. So I don't think it's that cut and dry. When TV's involved and profits involved, people have weird ways of rationalizing things. This is the only way these people will get help, is if you do it on TV. No, but I mean like the family. I mean, do you think the family,

I guess they have to get paid something to do it. They have to get paid something, yeah. But it's not like a windfall the family might be morons you know they might think it's the way to do it well it's very i mean there there was a show that i was obsessed with for a long time called i didn't know i was pregnant have you ever seen that show have you seen it no it's fucking amazing uh find it on like itunes or whatever uh but it's it's a show where they would, it's about people who just didn't realize that they were pregnant, and then they have their babies in the toilet,

or just walking to work or something. And they would reenact it. It was kind of like Unsolved Mysteries style, where they'd interview the real people, and then they'd have actors playing it out, like, oh, my stomach hurts, I'm gonna go take a shit. And then the baby, they'd throw, the crazy thing about the show is that,

I watched one episode where they had the mom get up, and then the baby they put they throw the crazy thing about the show is that I watched one episode where they? Had the mom get up you know and then the camera goes into the toilet And they put a real baby in a toilet like a real like for the shot what fuck you know water Yeah, they put a baby in the toilet bowl for the shot. I was like they have a diaper on or is it naked There's the angle you can see I don't know I'm just kids holding on to yeah See you fuck mom but uh but I I knew a girl who worked on the show and I was uh my friend how she worked on it I was like how do you why do people you know agree to do because they all look like idiots there's no way you can be on that show and not look like one of the dumbest people on you know if you didn't know

you were pregnant like um so it's like why do they agree to let you do this episode about him and she was like we are getting calls all day from people wanting to be on the show like we have to you know we're batting them off because it's people seeing the idea of somebody playing them on television is so enticing to people that the fact that someone is going to reenact their life is like worth it yeah i'll be I'll look like an idiot on television. God, that's so crazy. That's the pull. Having someone play you.

Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. There was a girl that worked at the bank that I used to go to when I was a kid. And she had her baby and threw it in the garbage and went back to work. She worked at a bank. No one knew she was pregnant. She was overweight. Went to the bathroom, had the baby, threw it in the garbage and went back to work. She worked at a bank. No one knew she was pregnant. She was overweight.

Went to the bathroom, had the baby, threw it in the garbage, and went back to work, and then they figured out what the fuck happened and arrested her. That's crazy. Oh, it was so crazy. It was like I had seen her eye to eye, person to person. I probably shook hands with her. I mean, I don't remember.

Like on the day? Because when I was 17. No, not on the day, I don't think. I think I found out about it like you know after the fact but it was like the talk of the town yeah it was like i don't even remember her name but you know i was like i think i was probably 16 or i was working at newport creamery which was a ice cream and uh hamburger joint in newton massachusetts so it's probably i think i got that job when i was 16 so it's was probably when I was 16 that all this happened.

But it was just the whole town was talking about it. I was like, what? She had a baby? She was pregnant? What? She put it in the garbage? It was crazy. She went to jail.

Yeah. The whole thing was really creep people. It creeps you out when you find out that insanity like that was there the whole time. And you were interacting with insanity. Like, hello, insane person. Hi, crazy. You're about to have a baby and throw it in the trash aren't ya yeah You know like if you talk to her the week before you throw your baby in the trash How do you know she might not have even known she was pregnant too she might have been one of those people a lot of

the people who Most of the people on the show who didn't know they're pregnant are overweight of course yeah, yeah Just they must be in such discomfort all the time. Yeah. Oh, fuck, man. I just don't understand. You can't. Yeah.

How can you? There's certain levels of madness. It's like there's a scale. You could be a little crazy. Well, I got this thing. I have to wear different color socks. I have this thing. I only wear my underwear backwards. I have this thing. I have to wear different color socks. You know, I have this thing. You know, I only wear my underwear backwards.

You know, I have this thing. I like to be a mascot. I like to fuck other mascots and we get together. Like you can always get further and further down the crazy hole. I have this thing. I don't think I'm pregnant, but if I ever am, I'm definitely throwing it in a dumpster. Well, there was a bumper sticker once I saw on a car,

like a cop car that was like telling people they didn't have to throw their baby away, and they could bring their baby to a fire department Yeah, I'll have the baby off or a police station It's like wait a minute wait who the fuck is like I'm on my way to the dumpster with my baby Oh look at that bumper sticker. Oh, I could just go to fire department. I have options. Oh you that yeah What a great what a great service the public is offering I've seen fire department things with a baby drop. Oh, God, no. Like window. I mean, it's not like a blockbuster video.

But I mean, it's like, you know, it just says, I've seen the sign that says, like, this is where you can leave an unwanted baby. So it must happen frequently enough that it's a regular thing. That, like, people are like, you know, okay, fire departments are places that we can we can do this fuck man that's i just it's more evidence that we there's groups of people when you get to like when you have a city you know you have a million people or five million people or 10 million people whatever it is that when you get groups of people that aren't really interacting with their neighbors that don't really have real communities they're not they're not in real tribes. They're just sort of independent and wandering around.

There's like madness all around us. Which is like unrecognized, unchecked madness. Ignored madness. You know, it's just all around us. We just don't, you know, you don't deal with it. Like if there was only 50 of us and we lived in the jungle together, you would know that bitch is pregnant. Damn. Yeah.

First of all, she wouldn't be fat. She would have to gather food and everybody would be thin. It's a law. It's a law? How to drop off an unwanted baby with easy pictures. What? Wow. Safe haven law.

Safe haven law. You must drop them off at a police department, fire or any hospital if a parent were to change their mind They have 30 days after dropping off their infant to get their baby back from the state. You have 30 days That's crazy imagine like on the 29th day the 24th hour you come in I just want my baby back Sorry, you just missed the cutoff. Yeah it just uh it's 30 days right now like tick tock tick hold on i shouldn't give the baby back after one day like you know if if you went to through the idea if you're like you know what maybe i'm gonna drop this baby off at the fire department so you probably should drop the baby off at the fire so depressing it's so depressing imagine being that

poor fucking kid and you find out that your mom dropped you up the fire department It's probably better Maybe yeah, who knows? But then the fucked up thing is that all the babies have to become firefighters It's part of a sure this robot this where firefighters come from they've all been drunk They come from storks. I could be wrong but I think all firefighters are dropped off babies that grow up. Fuck, man. You have to live in the firehouse.

Where's my toys? I don't want an axe. You got the cool pole. You got the Dalmatian. It's pretty good. It's great if you're a stripper. You get early training. Fuck, man.

God damn. What a weird world we live in huh there's too many of us that's that's the only or too many of us i shouldn't say too many of us because the cool thing about cities the cool thing about large urban centers is you get a high concentration of intelligence too high concentration of cool people high concentration of like things happening and things moving in progress but there's too many of us that aren't in contact with each other you know yeah well it's weird didn't like the population of the entire world stays somewhere around 1 billion uh for as long as we can like kind of for a long time like you know hundreds hundreds hundreds maybe thousands of years. And then, like, once we invented, basically, once we figured out how to use fossil fuels. Yeah.

And, like, plastics and things. It kind of, it shot up to, like, seven billion within, like, a hundred years. Like, you have more of a chance. I mean, there's more people now than there's ever been by, like, a huge long shot. Huge. You have more of a chance. I mean, there's more people now than there's ever been by like a huge long shot. Huge. Yeah, there was a thing that I was listening to the other day that was talking about the population of the United States during World War II. And it was the 1940s.

It was 150 million people or less. Really? Yeah. Now it's more than 300. It's like 350. Is it? It's like 350. That's fucking crazy. and then the world population is much larger than that the world population was at the time i think only like 2 billion

and now it's at seven yeah which is like stunning yeah just astronomical increase in human beings was that like 1 billion around like 1900 or something so it's like yeah the whole world yeah and so it's like doubled it doubled in like 40 years and now it's it's crazy yeah a lot of people and that's what makes you wonder that's but that's the other thing about the points to urbanization and um to improvement of the quality of life is that apparently when the quality of life improves and there's more resources people have less kids and the and also when the quality of life improves and there's more resources people have less kids and the in also when the quality of life improves and resources improve the the people how does it go the people have less kids because their careers are

become more important and they become more more concerned with progress and with their career than they do with having a family. So they have families later and later. That's one of the things they also attribute to the increase in autism. I think there's a contributing factor. Apparently, like several times, several fold is when you have children after a certain age. For men, right? Men and women. Don't they think that it's linked to the male side that

too that but women as well yeah women as they get older like birth defects increasing birth defect issues they didn't think it was men at all for a while but now they do know you used to think it was just the age of the woman but now they think it's the age of the men as well the age of the sperm that's like going through the roof too it's like something like 1 in 25 now or something like autism yeah I think they also think that that's also because they don't die yeah they didn't really know what was wrong with Billy and now they've given in a name oh he's got autism or he's got he's on the spectrum

he's good you know he's got a spectrum disorders's got Asperger's. Just fuck. Whatever, dude. What a great way to end this podcast. Started out on AIDS. Ended up on autism. Dropping off babies at the hospital. You're special, dude. It was this past Friday?

Yeah. But it's available. What's it called? High in Church. Did you ever get high in church? Actually, I went to a Christian school and stuff. I never actually got high in church. Did you ever get high in church? Actually, I went to a Christian school and stuff. So I never actually got high in church. There's a story about something that happened to my friend that I wrote the song about.

But I've been high at church basketball games and things like that. It's always just, it's not. You went to, you grew up Christian? Yeah, my parents were Christian rock singers in the 80s. What? Yeah. Like Striker? Striper? No, they were like folk, kind of folk, and then it became rock kind of thing.

But I grew up on a tour bus traveling around the country. What? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Yeah. Holy shit. So, yeah, I went to a really, really conservative high school and, you know, stuff.

Wow. That's weird. How did you break free? I don't know. Well, I think it's, it's when, when something is around a lot, you know, you're kind of just, you know, as a kid growing up, you're kind of just like, okay, does everything have to be about, you know, church, that kind of thing like that. So you just sort of, you know, so then like when I was in school, it was always me and like two or three of the other quote unquote bad kids that would be at the back of the class class just like not taking things seriously and kind of making fun of everybody kind of thing.

So it was just kind of like that, you know. Praise God. Praise God for people like you. Yeah, but that often happens, right? I mean, Cara Santa Maria is a friend of mine who's a, she's a beautiful, intelligent neuroscientist who grew up in a strict religious household. intelligent neuroscientist who grew up with a strict religious household. Now she's a devout atheist and, you know, her parents don't like her. Yeah.

Upset at her because she's an atheist and has metal in her face and lip brain shit. But that's oftentimes the case, right? Your parents are pushing a certain direction and you rebound and go crazy. Yeah. Well, I mean, the other kids that I would hang out with were, like, other pastor's kids, you know? They were the kids in the back that weren't, like, taking things seriously. Yeah, they'd get tired of their parents telling them what to do. If you restrict your kids too much, it's like what I was saying about my daughter with the soccer shit. Like, don't make them do anything, man.

They're four. Don't make them do things, you know? You want your kid to not play piano? Force them to play piano. Fuck yeah, right? Yeah. You want your kid to not play piano? Force them to play piano.

Fuck yeah, right? Yeah. I mean, sometimes it works, but God, the amount of resentment that children have from really overbearing parents. When I was a kid, I dated this girl that went to Catholic school, and her parents were super strict Catholics, and she was the biggest hoebag because of that. Because of that. Because of that. Like, that girl probably fucked everyone who asked her. Yeah.

Or everyone who wanted to. Take that, daddy. Up until the time she was probably, like, 30. She's one of a rampage. Like, there was, like, a long list of people that I knew that fucked her. It was crazy. At a certain point in time, when we were, like, by the time we were, like, 19 or 20. Like, I dated her when I guess we were, by the time we were like 19 or 20 like i dated her when i guess we were like 16

and by the time we're like 19 20 i knew like a dozen dudes that fucked her it was just chaos girls just fucking everybody and she was really pretty too so like everybody wanted to fuck her right it was just like she was just just all that suppression like her parents were so overbearing yeah just so constantly drilling jesus into her head and the Catholic guilt. And she just couldn't wait to just finger herself and just start sucking dick. Just run around. She would get so drunk that she would just throw up and pass out. She was out of fucking control.

And a lot of it was just her parents. They just wound that spring up so tight yeah fucking moon it's weird how that works right you were your parents overbearing about it not I mean it wasn't no it was I mean it was strict, it was strict, but it was, uh, like also not strict in weird ways. Like, you know, they, like, I, I couldn't watch most stuff on television. Like what, what was forbidden? Like Duke's Hazard?

Uh, no, like, like anything that had like more than one swear word, like I couldn't watch. Like, so I'd watch The Simpsons and then it'd be like, they'd say damn something and I'd be like, oh, and my parents would be like, all right, one more and it's off. And then like, I'd be like, oh God, please don don't let bart simpson say damn again no damn was a swear word yeah damn is a swear word and then um i wasn't allowed to watch r-rated movies um so and so still to this day like you know there's all these great movies that you know came out in like the 90s that i just didn't really see stripes never seen stripes, but like I remember like a cut like it when I was in my early 20s like

my girlfriend Realized that I'd never seen any terminators like she was like you haven't seen any terminators I'm like no, I just never never saw any of them like and she's like you have to watch the terminators like that So we watched all three of them like that and and binge Terminator movies. Yeah, watched all three Terminators. She's like, what did you think? I was like, I like the third one the best. And she's like, you're crazy. But I didn't have the nostalgia.

Right. So I just watched them all at once. I was like, no, I liked how they blew the world up at the end. I thought that was cool. She's like, no. And I was like, the lady Terminator, she was cool. And I was like, no, no, no. It's the second Terminator is the one.

The second is the one? That's what she was saying. I thought the first was the one. No no no it's the second terminator is the one the second is the one that's what she was saying I thought the first was the one no the first one has really shitty special effects try to watch it today on blu-ray You'll go what the fuck is that? What am I look? That's not Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's the things made a silly putty God so are your parents. They're still around yeah are they still like super Jesus doubt yeah they don't uh perform anymore but they're like uh you know they're my mom's a teacher and my dad's a graphic designer and really yeah but uh yeah that's wild man so what do they think about like you and what you do they don't like it um they they um you know my relationship is is fine with them they ever sit you down traver no but they would um why traver yeah well yeah i mean they they don't like the the material

or the things that i talk about or like what my you know comedy is usually about um but uh you know but on the same on the same on the other side of that coin they're happy that you know things are going well You know they're happy that you know that it's like a weird You know we kind of try not to talk about like the stuff like when the special came out I was like I waited until pretty much the end to tell him like yeah, it's called high in church and They were gonna They were and they were talking about they were oh, we're excited for your special.

We're going to go over and meet with some of our friends, and we're going to watch it when it comes out. And they're like, is it something we should watch? I'm like, no, you probably shouldn't watch it. I was like, there's like one song you can probably watch. It's called High in Church. Oh, that's so funny. Oh, my God.

Did they ever have a sit-down with you, like an intervention? No, no, no. I mean, it was more of like just. Oh, my God. Did they ever have a sit down with you, like an intervention? No, no, no. I mean, it was more of like just phone arguments, kind of. I did a song about the Pope called The Pope Rap. And that like, and I knew it was about to come out. It was for my last album. And so I went home for Christmas one year. And I'd already shot the music video for it.

And I was like, well, I might as well. I was like, you know what I'll do? I'll just kind of nip this in the bud like I'll kind of Show this to him while I'm here. I can answer any questions about it like you know So it's not like they see it was a bad idea cuz like ruined Christmas It was a big like fight, and so now I just I've learned from that I'm like just just don't watch it What was there are you know what they say to you? Well? It's just like you know why would you oh? You know what it is. It mean, you know what it is? It's like, I think a lot of, like, they think that it's a personal, or they used to think

that it was a personal affront to them. And it's not, you know. Oh, like you were rebelling and mocking. Against them specifically or mocking because they were Christian musicians. And I could see them thinking that, but but it's like what I kind of had to Explain is like you know what I a lot of my comedy comes is about religion History and politics, but that's because that's where I grew up. I grew up on like a Civil War battlefield In Virginia like I'd go out with my grandfather and we would like you know find

Cannonballs with metal detectors and like you would dig them up and stuff. Yeah, it's just history was everywhere My my uncle's were Civil War reenactors, you know find cannonballs with metal detectors and like you would dig them up and stuff like yeah it's just history was everywhere my my uncles were civil war reenactors you know like yeah it was like a big history was like a big thing what side were they reenacting both sides no they were confederates it's virginia um so sal's gonna do it again yeah uh when they did that like what did they do they just put the outfits on and shit oh there'd be hundreds of people it would be like you know they reenact whole battles like um now when you say reenact they use like muskets with no balls yeah just flash powder oh and they all walk across the field fucking hilarious and then all the women come and they dress up at the time they kind of

cheer everybody on it's like wow yeah oh my god that must be awesome yeah well see i was born in new york and I came down And all of my family like lived in the Virginia And so like everyone like when I we'd all that when I was a kid Everybody would play Civil War and like all of my cousins had like Civil War outfits and they are and I had and I was The only Yankee so I get my ass kicked all the time and I was always like, you know, like that's not how it happened This is not how the war like panned out like like you know like that's not how it happened So they wanted a South to win all the wars Oh, well, I mean, I think do they ever allow like the South to lose cuz you're reenacting the war Oh, no, no in the reenactments are one thing. I'm talking about when both playing with my my cousins like that

No, no, no, they did it authentically to like how the battles would actually play out so but it's very Unorganized like it's people just running around and you're shooting and then I guess when you run out you like fake death You like die, and then you kind of lay on the ground for the rest of the battle What is the fucking motivation to do that? I don't have any other they don't reenact World War two They don't know when storms the beach of Normandy again Well we have both sides here and all, and all the battlefields are here. Oh, okay. That makes sense.

It's easy. Yeah, you can do it on, you can go to Gettysburg. It's a couple hour drive for most people. My stepdad went, and he said it was really depressing. He said, I've never felt sadness in a location before. Gettysburg. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I was there. He goes, you could feel it like you feel the fact that all those people died there if that makes any sense at all no it's a dark place and he's not a woo woo guy he's pretty straightforward guy so when he told me that i was like wow really yeah you could feel it i'll bet normandy is like that you go there i bet there's a heavy paul you know oh i'd imagine there was somebody who did something on normandy where they did uh they made like like sand images of all of the bodies like the thousand that represent the thousands of people that died on that beach and it was really creepy because you looked it was i mean it was i think it's important like for people to understand the actual loss of

life that you're dealing with. Yeah. But when this guy did it, he was like an artist. There it is. Wow. And those things that are there, are those things from the war that are still there? Is that what that is? Those black things? Yeah.

Is that what those are? I think they are. I think that's what that is. When are they going to clean that up? Am I wrong? They're never going to clean it up. But look at what that represents. That's crazy. imagine being there and seeing all those fucking bodies in real time i mean these people were showing up in boats and as they're getting out of the boats they're just

getting shot at yeah i mean it's like that's the mind-blowing thing about or i guess big battles and wars i mean you go to like basic training you spend all this time like preparing and then you get dropped into something like that i mean how much of it is i mean it's like i guess it's why you hear all those whenever you you know hear an interview with like a war veteran they're like you know i'm not a hero the real heroes are the people that you know die of the day i mean it's just like it's just luck you know you're just like one of the people that got through and like you know i mean it's just that opening scene and save it private saving private ryan yeah opening scene when they're everyone's getting blown up in front

of them and jesus fucking christ that's real man that's that's the real war yeah you know that was one of the things about that b Williams thing that I found particularly disturbing. When Brian Williams got caught not telling the truth about his helicopter getting shot at, what was interesting to me was not just that, that this fucking news guy lied, but that the pilot of the helicopter that he was on was telling his version of the story because they had interviewed him and he said, well, our helicopter did get hit with small arms fire and the helicopter in front of us was the one that got hit by the RPG and then we had to land and we had

to drop off our load first and that's why we were an hour behind them, but we were all in the same convoy. So he's telling the story, he's essentially like letting Brian Williams off the hook a little bit because he was saying like well we did get hit you know we got hit you know we were being attacked there's no doubt about it and then a lot of people were like well why would he lie about that because the lie it doesn't make him look any better like you were you were in a war you were getting attacked you did have to land you did take small arms fire, and you were stuck in a sandstorm for two days.

That's a fine story. It's a fucking crazy story. Just the sandstorm, just watching another helicopter in front of you get hit with an RPG. But then the guy said that he got calls from all these other people that were saying, no, you didn't have Brian Williams in your helicopter. This guy did, or that guy did. And there was like more than one story emerging of different people saying

that they had Brian Williams in his helicopter. And then he said, you know what? I don't even want to, I don't, I might be wrong. I don't even want to talk about this anymore because, because I've been doing these interviews about this. Now all the nightmares are coming back. It was like, I had tried to put this aside and it put in my mind, it made me really think about getting over traumatic situations like that and how much of the truth of, you know, we're talking about like 12 plus years ago, how much of the truth do you retain in your memory and how much of it is just really really confusing and fucked up because it's just bullets and chaos and nightmares and dead bodies and who knows how many times that guy saw somebody die and then they're asking him to recall a very specific instance where one very specific unremarkable at the time news guy was with him yeah unremarkable at the time because nothing happened other than this news guy was there.

He probably took a bunch of different people. Yeah. Who knows? He's not excited that Brian Williams is in his helicopter. Yeah. He doesn't care. The crazy thing is he's in war and he's getting shot at and he's all PTSD'd out. And so, you know, he said, you know, respectfully, I just don't want to talk about this anymore

just because of my memories. Right. Like, it's really fucking me up. And all these things that I had tried to forget, now I'm being forced to remember them again. And my memory might be fucked up. Yeah. I was like, wow, that is, that's something to consider that memories are not carved in stone. They're just not. And they change. I mean, there's, they're, they're like the, they're, they're almost hardly used in courts, you know, eyewitness stuff. Because it's like you change, you know, embellishment.

Like, you know, you always tell. I mean, I always, like, you know, tell a story. And then somebody, you know, from like 10 years ago. And somebody would be like, that's not what happened. It happened like this. And then you're like, oh, yeah, you're right. It did. It's just kind of it's changed. And you it a certain way like it can just like small things

But you're like oh, I guess that was this person in my mind I remember it being this other person that was there But I guess I guess that person wasn't there like you know and then you have to go well Do you sure you got it right right? It's like huh? Yeah, I remember some things very clearly very clearly because i kind of told the story more than once and the the points in the story that were specific were very important but yeah there's some other stories that are just fucking loosely pieced together flashes in my brain like yeah images that i can kind of recall kind of and chain of events that I can kind of recall correctly.

Yeah. But people are just, some people are married to the idea that they remember everything exactly how it happened. Nobody does. I don't think it's, it's the weird thing is like when you tell a story or like something, say something crazy happens in college and it's a story right out the gate, you know, kind of thing. And you're telling that story and you tell that story for years and years and years. And then at a certain point, you don't really remember the actual event anymore, but you remember the story. You've been telling the story forever.

Like, someone would be like, remember when this happened? You're like, no, but I do remember the story. You know, I remember it happened, but I have no memory of it anymore, really. And then some people remember shit that you don't remember at all. And they're like, come on, man. You don't remember we did that thing together? You're like, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. Like, is this guy crazy, or do I you're talking about. Is this guy crazy?

Or do I just not have a memory of an actual event? Which one is this? I'll tell you what I'm going to remember, Trevor Moore. This podcast. Me too. Smoking is good for your memory too. Yes, I heard it. Nicotine.

I think we're out of time. We're going to turn into a pumpkin any minute now. I, Trevor Moore. I, the letter I I Trevor Moore. I, the letter I, Trevor Moore on Twitter website. Trevormore.org. Hi in church. You can get it on Comedy Central Direct. Is it one of those five buck

jammies? Yeah. Nice. How nice is that? Louis C.K. set the fucking model. Yeah. And we all follow. That's it. Dude, thank you very much. Let's do this again. Thanks for having me. This was a blast. Again. We will do it again. All right.

And again. Awesome. And then we'll have false memories about the podcast we did. All right, my friends. See you soon. Much love. Thank you.