The Joe Rogan Experience - #635 - Jim Norton

Episode Date: April 15, 2015

Jim Norton is a stand-up comedian, radio personality, author, and actor. His latest special "Contextually Inadequate" debuts April 24 on Epix.

And broadcasting. Are we broadcasting? How does this work? I think we are. I think we are brothers in broadcasting. I like that. I think, yeah, if we want to talk about it. Brothers in stand-up and broadcasting. Broadcasting is like, isn't that like a signal, though? Like, doesn't that only... Is that like when you're sending something through the air? Broadcast! I don't know. I mean, don't forget, this didn't exist when that term came up, so that probably would have encompassed this, too.

I guess, but broadcast, for whatever reason to me, it feels like you're sending a wired signal, like the old-school TV signal. Yeah, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, coming off the radio tower. Imagine what that must have been like when the first TVs came about, and you're sitting in your house, and all this time you've just been listening to the radio like an asshole. just been listening to the radio like an asshole. And then finally, they have this box that you can sit in front of, and you get to see an actual image. And it's moving around, and you know that the whole country's watching at the same time. They probably reacted to that the way we will react to holograms.

Eventually, say you're in a live-action movie. Say movies you can be immersed in, in holograms. Eventually, the way we look at that is how they probably look at TV, because the whole family would just sit around this shitty black and white box and just stare at it. Oh, the elections are coming. Fucking boring stuff, but that must have been amazing, like magic in your house. Well, even just the radio before that was magic, where they could all sit around

a broadcast of like H.G. Wells, War of the Worlds. Remember when that story from, I guess it was like, what year was that? It was in the 30s, I guess. Orson Welles, right? When they were killing themselves? Yeah.

I don't know. I think Snopes attacked that and said there's no evidence in any way to kill themselves. Oh, I didn't know that. And it was like one of those urban myth things. Is that a piece of shit I am that I'm disappointed that no one came in? I actually went, oh, oh, nerds. I'm so sad about that. It sounds like one of those things that is pretty hard to prove.

You're going to go back to 1930 and find out who killed themselves over a Norton Wells radio broadcast. Yeah. People are going to be reluctant to talk about that slow uncle. Yeah. He blew his fucking brains out because he believed the actor man was telling the truth. Yeah. He was probably depressed anyway because he's obviously a dope. He probably lost a lot of money in the market crash.

Was it over by 35? I guess it was. When was the market crash? Was it 35? No, it was, I think, I want to say early 20s? Was it? 29, maybe? 35 was, what was Prohibition?

33? Well, no, it was in the 20s, too. Don't forget, because Boardwalk Empire is in the 20s, I think, and that's all through Prohibition. Right. I don't know when it ended. I feel like, I want to say it ended in 33, and then marijuana became criminalized in 35. Was it legal before then, or just not known? Yeah, it was legal before then, but they didn't call it marijuana.

It was only called marijuana after William Randolph Hearst started printing these articles about blacks and Mexicans taking this new drug and raping white women. And they called it marijuana. Oh, wow. But that was a name for like a wild Mexican tobacco. That's what marijuana was. They used to call it cannabis. Yeah, I mean, that's what it was. It was hemp, cannabis, and they would smoke cannabis and they would smoke hash and all that stuff was the same plant.

But it was really what they were after was hemp as a commodity. They were trying to make hemp a commodity very difficult to take over for paper and for cotton. They had made some new invention called a decorticator, and it was going to be able to really easily process hemp fibers. That's where all this came from. Oh, okay. Supposedly. Again, it's sketchy stuff.

It's hard to totally follow. Do they ever call it colitis? Like an Eagle song? That's the only time I've ever heard that. Then I heard it was pot. Warm smell of colitis. Is that what they call it? I've never heard of that.

That's what I heard in that Eagles documentary. Is that colitis rising up through the air? I always wondered what that name was they were saying. I think it's a name for pot. Warm smell of colitis. He said the whole thing, the whole song was about show business or LA or whatever, but it just made me think. That makes sense.

That makes sense. But my point being, there's no point. It was a long ass time ago. People were, they had so much little, so much less information coming at them every day that just getting that signal from the radio must have been a big fucking deal. Like, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Gathering around with with the ball game they'd all just sit around and look at imagine just looking at a fucking radio and hanging on the or the soap operas the radio uh soap operas they would do the weekly ones yeah fuck man all those guys that did the foley work with the paper

crinkling up as a fire crinkle crinkle crinkle they had but they had comedies and dramas and some of those are really fucking cool to listen To today to you're driving like if you got a gig you're going to listen to one of them old-timey suspense radio programs Yeah, it's like a time machine. Have you heard Tom Papa's it's called come to pop up and we do that He doesn't live with the village underground. I think he does them here in LA. He'll give us all the script. We'll go out in front of a live audience. They're awesome. He's always got a weird theme, like a Christmas theme or Thanksgiving.

You wind up reading it and you're getting real audience laughs. It's so great to act and not have to be off book. Just hold your fucking script there. It's like doing a play with a script in your hand. Wow. He does it live in front of an audience. he writes all the scripts out? He does, yeah. But he's cool.

Like, we'll go through one rehearsal like that night and then you just, you know, I always change stuff to make it sound like me and he doesn't care. And they're really fun to do.

He's got Matt Damon to do them. Wow. Because Tom has really famous friends because he doesn't bother them for photos. So they actually see him as an equal. He's a sweetheart, that guy.

He is a good dude. I really only hung out with him for the first time when he did my podcast I had like met him before like I said hi I think maybe at the most but never really talked to him before he came in to do the podcast. He's a great guy He's funny too. And and he's a weird guy like Tom is one of those guys like he's clean But he fucking murders on stage, you know, a lot of times you watch a clean guy up there like oh you stink fucking murders on stage.

You know, a lot of times you watch a clean guy up there, and you're like, oh, you stink. But Papa's so good, man. He's the guy that you watch in the cell. You're like, he's totally clean. He can perform in front of any audience, and you can't even hate him. You're like, he's just a funny guy.

Well, some people, that's just what they think of. You know, there's nothing wrong with it. I think we all, especially you and I coming up, we were in a time we we pretty much started around the same time right like you started in the late 90s yeah i started in 88 so by the time i had come to new york it was like 90 91 and you were just getting started so we were both kind of getting started around the same time and there was like there was clean camps back then and dirty camps and we were looked at as like the the dummies like oh these guys are dirty is he funny oh they're just dirty and they would look at what you're doing is like it would have less merit

because even though he's killing yeah he's killing but he's just he's talking about getting his dick sucked by a guy it's weird stuff you know and people would have this like dismissal of it yeah that doesn't really exist anymore no i don't see it as much i don't hear maybe again because i'm not in the open mic thing anymore, but I don't, I remember that clean and dirty, and I've always thought, they thought there was so much more valor and cleanliness. Yeah. And there's not.

Well, it's censorship. That's all it is. Like, you tell me you don't have those thoughts? Or you just don't want to explore those thoughts on stage? That's okay. You don't have to explore those thoughts on stage. Right. But to pretend that somehow or another there's something wrong with somebody else exploring those thoughts on stage,

whatever the fuck they are, that they can't be handled in a clever and hilarious way, everything can be. Well, they were looking at it like, there's a difference between just being, because you can be hacky and clean, too. Like, hacky dirty guys suck just as much as hacky clean guys do. I mean, it's just, you know, guys doing the, I don't find anything to be shocking, but you always know when a guy's up there trying to be shocking. But sometimes someone just has an idea of what it's going to be. Like if you hear, oh, it's Dirty Common, like, ah, it's fucking stupid. But then you'll see someone who's dirty and like really clever and you'll go, wow, I didn't

even think of that option. Right. Stan Hope or Otto when he was alive. Yes. Perfect example. There's some really filthy, funny... And every truly funny guy that all these people, whether it was Bill Hicks, who could be dirty when he cursed at least, or Pryor or Kinnison or Carlin or Lenny Bruce, they were all filthy.

And yet all these guys are like, well, dirty comedy when you mention them. Instead of just going, oh yeah, I'm an ass and I'm wrong. They go, well, you're not him. Yes. That's exactly what they say. Yeah. They have to say that because they can't admit they're wrong. I said that to a guy at an open mic night. When I was an open mic, this guy was

telling me you can't swear. He was telling me, you know, you got to stop swearing because you're never going to do TV. You're never going to do TV gigs. If you swear, you're not going to get the Tonight Show. You're not going to get Letterman. You're going to be stuck. You're going to be pigeonholed. Like, you're just going to be one of those guys that's bitter, doing the road, swearing. And I was like, well, what about Kinison? He's like, well, you're not Sam Kinison. I go, well, how did he become Sam Kinison?

Right. What about Dice Clay? You're not Dice Clay. Well, this is stupid, because those are the guys I think are really funny. Right. What about Pryor? What if he had listened to you and went totally clean? Yeah.

Like, this is ridiculous. Like, what do you like? What do you like? Well, because I like Kinison and Pryor and Hicks and Carlin. Like, those are what I think are funny. And you're telling me that I can't be like them? I can't do that style? Right.

Like, that's ridiculous. That's what I think of as comedy. Like, you and I might have a different idea of what you think of as comedy. For you, it might be Henny Youngman. It might be, you know, whatever, fill in the blank. Ferber McGee and Molly Too. You know, whatever. You know, everybody's got their own style that they're into. young men it might be you know whatever fill in the blank faber mcgee and molly too you know whatever you know everybody's got their own style that they're into but the people would be like

real adamant in the clean versus dirty camp i don't think that exists anymore and i think the internet has sort of like dissolved those boundaries well as tv has gotten harsher too it's like you know you didn't have even in 1990 you had cable but you didn't have channels like fx or all these. HBO wasn't really doing original programming where you were actually just watching comedy shows that said fuck in them all the time. So it was easier for them to do that.

But now you just look like a dated douche. Yeah. If you're like, I don't, sometimes I'll work material out. I'll take language out of it. Cause like, oh yeah, I want to try to do this on TV. So I got to make sure my Tinder bit is funny, clean. Cause if I ever want to do it on TV, I don't want the punchline to be cunt lips and then go, oh, no, how do I take that out? Maybe I can go like, can I make a Charlie Callis noise and make it?

That's where you get fucked up when you have to start editing and cutening it up. Yeah. But I've always hated euphemisms anyway. Like, I hate guys. There was one guy was talking about like a dick or a pussy and he would go hurrah and he would whistle. Can you whistle? Yeah, like and point would go hurrah and he would whistle. Can you whistle? Yeah, like and point down like that was what he referred to. It's like either say it or don't, but don't whistle.

That's fucking, that's not cute. That's not stomach turning. It's bizarre. It is bizarre. Imagine you're talking to a man who was just you and him and he couldn't say pussy. And he was like hurrah. Yeah, unless he was talking about a girl that I might like, then I could see the confusion. Just really powerful pussies.

You could actually whistle out of it. Imagine she said just insane pussy muscles just can suck air. It's probably possible. If girls can shoot ping pong balls and stuff, like Stan Hope has that joke, or that bit rather, about when he was in Thailand and he went to some crazy lady who shoots bananas out of her pussy. She's like, would put the banana in and then chop it up, spitting it out one piece at a time. Wow.

How about them apples? Huh? How about that clamp down? It's pretty impressive. It might not be totally true. I mean. Who knows? You know, Doug may have, you know.

Exaggerated. Embellished a bit. Yeah. They might have played a scam on him, too. They might have sliced it up in advance. Either way, anybody shooting anything out of their vagina is pretty goddamn impressive. Yeah. It can be done.

It should fall out of a vagina. Basically, it should stand up, but it should just fall out on the floor. That's the way a pussy should work. So if you're doing anything above that, you're impressive with your pussy. I was reading this article that this woman wrote, and I really wish I remember who she was. But she was arguing that size doesn't matter because if a chick isn't lazy, she can work on her pussy muscles

to the point where she could enjoy any dick. I don't know if that's true or not, but she was kind of like, I'll tell you what she was doing. She was loose vagina shaming. That's what she was doing. She was shaming all these girls for not having the effort to also,

while sending a signal out, telling guys she's got a tight pussy. Or she was also telling that guy she's been dating whose cock is small and she knows it's small. She was trying to make him feel better. So she's built her whole philosophy around, I'm not an idiot dating a guy with a little dick. I'm not lazy, so I can enjoy him too. Right. Plus, it's easier to suck. And he's probably really good at eating pussy.

Oh, my God, yeah. Someone just told me, some girl just told me a story yesterday, we had dinner, about a guy with a tiny, like a micro cock, and she opened her fingers about three inches wide. I'm like, was it that long? She goes, yeah. And I'm like, how was it? And she's like, oh, it was fucking awful. I couldn't feel it.

And I love the honesty. I hate when women go like, oh, it didn't matter. Yeah. Of course it matters. Of course't matter. Of course it matters. Of course it matters. Of course it matters. Yeah, this woman was talking about that, too. That here's where size matters is that women want to feel stuffed.

You want to feel stretched out. She's like, but you can achieve that feeling by tightening your pussy muscles. But I think you might have a point there. Maybe. Or motives. Maybe it's a combination of all those things. Maybe there is no right answer. Maybe, you know, her pussy is okay and her boyfriend's dick is okay.

It's just a combination of all of these things that close her to write an article. And maybe she really is loose vagina shaming. That's a possibility, too. She might let all these bitches know, my pussy's down. Squeezy. It's all squeezy.

It's a squeezy box. I don't like a pussy that's too snug. I like a bit of a sloppy... Do you? Yeah, not loose, but a bit of a... You know, like a bit of a fucking. Do you? Yeah, not loose, but a bit of a, you know, like a bit of a fucking horror show. That makes me happy. You like extra lip, some extra meat flopping around.

Flies me crazy. You like that, huh? I'm trying not to, you know, it's funny, man. I talk so much about my sexual shit. I'm trying now to be a good boy again. Like, I'm only four days in to like, no, I'm trying not to do porn. I'm trying not to dirty intrigue text. It's very, cause I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm blocking so much shit by doing that.

It's almost like I feel connected to nobody. I, I'm always disconnected. I don't ever feel like I'm, I'm with another person for real. I always feel like I'm just looking at them through a window. So I kind of want to connect and I know I'm blocking myself. So I kind of want to connect and I know I'm blocking myself. I know that by living this way this this constant fucking Obsession and this constant thing for money is blocking me from really living with people. That's fascinating So the constant looking for prostitutes and the prostitute relationship blocks you from having

Honest relationships with people. Yeah, cuz I came into, this is the first time I've ever traveled without a computer. Like, I have two computers now. I got a newer Mac laptop, and I said, this will be my good boy computer. I literally have nothing in there that I'm ashamed of. You could open my work computer, and there's not one dirty fucking photo on it. There's nothing.

That's beautiful. It's just work. You're a good boy. I'm trying. And the other one, well, you know. It's a fucking horror show. Yeah, exactly. It's just work. You're a good boy. I'm trying. And the other one, well, you know. It's a fucking horror show. Yeah, exactly. It's like the West Shore Expressway.

So what you do is put tape around it. And if you break the seal, then you know you fucked up. You got to seal it up. You got to seal it up like a vault. Yeah. And have it be like a symbol of your sobriety. Well, I got too much stuff on it that I need. There's too many real photos on it.

I got to clear it off eventually. But if you start looking, you start beating off. Dude, that's the problem. And I can't delete all my shit. So I actually have an external hard drive that is coded. Like, you know, it's a passcode and I have it in a bank vault. Because I'm not ready to throw it all out yet. But eventually I will.

That's hilarious. You brought it to a bank? A bank vault. Yeah, a bank vault. yet, but eventually I will. That's hilarious. You brought it to a bank? Yeah, a bank where I have papers in there and stuff. That's hilarious. So my phone has got a few dirty things on it, but I'm going to get rid of them. And I want to know what's going to happen. I haven't been like that my whole life. Wow.

It's almost like there's times where I feel like, just put it down. You feel like you're buzzing. Normally I get off the plane from L.A. and the first thing I'm doing is texting Dirty and I'm trying to go to the hotel and fucking look for all this shit and go to Eros and go to this one and set something up.

So I have no connection with my manager or my friends out here. There's no real communication because all I'm thinking about is what I'm going to do after and I've got to end this fast so I can go there. It's like a fucking drug and it's like now I just want to stop. I got to end this fast so I can go there. It's like a fucking drug. And it's like, now I just want to stop.

I'll tell you why. I did a scene recently. I had a scene in a show called The Nick. It was a scene with Clive Owen. It was a very brief scene. And I think I did okay in it. But it was only like five lines. I was ready.

I was prepared. I knew my lines. I showed up on time. And I felt good about it, but I didn't feel great. And I didn't feel 100% connected during the scene. And I'm like, I'm not, what am I so disconnected from? I'm not fucking scared to act with this guy. I can stand in front of people and fucking do what I do.

There's no reason I can't do a few lines with this person and feel connected. It wasn't like that kind of an intimidation. It was just like, I realized, even in my most comfortable, when I'm prepared, I'm disconnected. A guy named Dub Davidoff told me that years ago. He goes, you'd be a really good actor. He goes, but whatever is blocking you. He goes, you got something. All you got to do is get rid of what's blocking you.

And I've thought about that for years. You know what I mean? Every time I see stupid Dub, I want to tell him like I still think about that. But I know that's it. But you know what I mean? It's like I see him dove, I want to tell him, like, I still think about that. But I know that's, but you know what I mean? It's like I see him all the time. Right. But it's like that fucking, that thing blocking you where you feel like I'm just not, there's

nothing I'm going to do that makes me feel like I'm a part of this group. Well, you should probably add something to your life. Yeah. What you should do is probably add like a new thing to be obsessed with, you know, like you take up a hobby start doing something that like not something like like that doesn't sort of have a real end goal but something that you enjoy participating in like some sort of a just to do it yeah like you know for some people it's working out but working

out seems like kind of like if you do it for that reason just like this is my new addiction where I know it seems like you're Unless you like really wholeheartedly dive into it It seems like you're gonna get bored with just like lifting weights and running at the gym unless that's your thing You know I think that's kind of got to be done for the the benefits of the exercise if you're really gonna get psycho about that But maybe a sport or a hobby or something, or I mean something like a game or even a martial art or something, something where you're, you're practicing something that you enjoy.

I want to read more, you know, like Bill Burr, we had Bill Burr in recently and he's flying helicopters now and I'm like, this is what your friends are doing. Yeah. Like as a healthy guy, Bill got married. I mean, Bill was never a hunk of shit sexually that I know of. But here's a guy with a hunk of shit. But you know what I mean? He was always like a pretty straight and narrow guy.

And he marries a nice girl. And I'm like, why do you have no thing in your life like that? Like a hobby. Just a normal thing. Like, hey, a guy wants to fly. I got nothing but time. Right. I got fucking, I'm done with the radio at 10 in the morning.

And I want to read more. Like I literally can't read anymore. I get so fucking, I'm so in the morning and I want to read more. I literally can't read anymore. I'm so wired up and I literally have my phone right here and it's constant. I started reading a little bit more. I'm trying just to shut my brain down. Why don't you go to a flip phone? That's what Ari did.

I saw Ari there, but there's too many legit things I do with it. I send a lot of real texts and I do like Twitter, and I do like being able to check my email and play chess and all these things that are not deviant or piggish. A flip phone would annoy me more than it would help me, I think. You need a Jesus app.

What's that? A Jesus app. You need something that overwhelms your phone and only lets you use the apps that are wholesome. In order to use that Jesus app app you probably have to unblock it you probably have to put all your fingerprints in or something Ari's upgraded a little bit he's on some Samsung Alias 2 bullshit

that's still an old fucking iPhone wannabe piece of shit flip phone but he texted me asking me if he could get a pocket camera and I said yeah get an iPhone and he's like no I've got this new Samsung Alias deal it's almost a shitty And he's got this. He's like, no, I've got this new Samsung Alias deal. It's almost a shitty iPhone.

He's going back. He will go back. It's too hard not to in this day and age. You just got to manage it. You can't ignore the new technology. It's like ignoring your car because you drive too much. You just got to just balance it. So does his new shitty phone have apps? Show me this new shitty phone.

This is it? So he got something with a keypad? Yeah, but it's got little programs on it. Let me see. Some sort of apps. Like what apps? What are we talking about here? Some internet.

Maybe Twitter. This is a flip phone? Yeah, it looks like that. Oh, wow. How does it? Oh, wow. Oh, how weird. Is it touchscreen or all arrow on the?

I don't think it's. Oh, so it goes up and back? It goes both ways? Yeah. How weird. Yeah. I remember this piece of shit. This came out like many...

I might have had one of these fucking things. I might have. I wonder if that was still in the stylus era. What's wrong with him? With the stylus on the Note 4? Have you ever tried that? The Samsung Note 4? Oh, my God.

The Galaxy Note 4. It's fucking amazing. Is it better than the iPhone 6? No. No, the iPhone 6 is a better phone. It's just better construction. The apps work better. The camera's better.

But the stylus on the Note 4 is pretty slick. You could circle things, and it has options. You could copy pictures, send them to your folder. You could save them with the stylus. Say if you're online and you're looking at something, you save them like with with the stylus like say if you're online you're looking at something you could just scroll it with the stylus and the stylus will take that photo oh okay and then you could also like write notes on pictures and send them to people like this is you stupid you could draw a dick and come coming out of it and put it on someone's picture to send it to him within seconds you could write like I

used to write all my stand-up notes by hand. And they even save to Evernote by hand. It's kind of slick. So, like, when I go into my notes, I have certain notes in here that are all done from the Galaxy Note 4. So they're all done by hand. Oh, okay. You know, so it's like my handwriting it's not just but it's my handwriting on a little you know computer don't you like like i have a note thing

too i talk my notes into it i talk my notes i like just talking a joke idea into half the time it misspells it but it's so much easier and i find like i do so many more ideas that way i prepare so much more for interviews you know when i'm just reading a book and spitting notes, and I just email them to myself and print them. Yeah, I know what you mean. And the software now is so good at picking up your words. It's incredible. Whenever I sign something, Jim, my dumb phone writes, Jen Norton. Sometimes your phone is just a cunt.

It's like, how stupid are you? How many times have I said this? You don't know that Jim is J-I-M. How stupid are you? How many times have I said this? You don't know the gym is J-I-M. I have a Lexus that has a navigation feature that you're supposed to, you know, take me to 118 Hollywood Boulevard. It's fucking never right. No. I mean, never. I mean, it's so bad.

I mean, I try to talk very clearly so that it understands me, and it never gets it right. I have to do it three, four four times and usually I wind up pulling over It's one of those ones that won't let you enter it in because it thinks you're a fucking baby You can't do it while you're driving So you have to pull over stop your car and then you can enter in an address or you could use the voice feature The voice feature sucks a thousand dicks. It's really bad. Yeah, that's the word It brings out such a rage. Like, how do you not have this figured out? But, the voice feature on your phone, which is

Bluetoothed into your car anyway, is amazing. The Siri, like, Siri, take me to Man's Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard. Man's Chinese Theater. Would you like directions? Yes. Boom. You're on your way. I mean, it's really that good. I'll tell you what's

frustrating about Siri, though, is when you're talking into it, you need a Wi-Fi connection or whatever, or a good connection. When you do a whole thing, you know, and I feel like, you know, I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I fire out a whole fucking chapter and I look and that fucking cocksucker circle is still spinning and I realize nothing has been

said. Like, it's just, it's waiting to find somewhere to grab the information from. So there's times where you've got to just talk. I finally realized you can say comma. Like, when I'm writing, you can go comma, period. So I always have to keep stopping it and doing it. Yeah, exclamation point. Yeah.

Well, it's really good for that notepad feature. What is it called, the one that's native to the iPhone? I don't know. Just notes. I have another one that I use to the iphone um i don't just just know it's i have another one notes well you know what there's there's there's benefits to both platforms i think android and uh iphone and i like both of them but what i like about android is that it's open and that like pretty much anybody can create apps for them and there's just so much more variety so many and

there's a lot of goddamn people use it and what What you don't like about iPhone is that it's difficult to get your app approved for the app store, but that's also why so many of these things work so well. I think in some way it stifles innovation in a small way. Everyone, like you're tethered to the Apple maybe, but they have such a pursuit of excellence that I can totally see it from their point of view. And ultimately, the end product is better. But I use two phones. I use this phone for my home stuff, my personal stuff.

And then I use a Samsung Galaxy S5, which is waterproof. I like it a lot, man. I have one of those. I never fell in love with it. I like it a lot. There's a lot of good features to it I think the size is about the right size because this is like five and a half inches the other one's five inch I think five inches is the right size. Yeah, there's they've a new another newer version

That that's probably the same as the iPhone 6 plus. Yeah, the six the galaxy s6 is just coming out I think like in a week or so Oh, I know they gave them they gave us a bunch of we they've give us phones a galaxy and they're not bad phones But for me, I'm just this is I think there's only one you can just go, that's my phone. I try both platforms, and it's like, fuck it. But meanwhile, if you had an Android, and that was the only option when they first came out, when the iPhone came out, you'd be like, oh my god, this is fucking amazing. We're just so used to how good the iPhones are now that it makes it difficult for almost everybody else. But even the old iPhones look shitty.

I see somebody with a small iPhone. I'm like, where are you from, 1930? Get a new fucking phone. Especially the one. You see that hunk of shit? Like, look at this stupid aluminum-looking fucking sack of shit. No flash on the camera. Dog shit.

Yeah, Steve Jobs really bugged me. That was on purpose. No flash. Fucking ass. But they made a dope phone. I mean, they changed the whole game. That was only like 2007. It's hard to believe. That pre-2007, we all existed

without smartphones. You think of stuff. Do you ever watch, I watch a movie from the 80s and I start thinking, they have no, or I feel like died in 1989. That person never made a cell phone call. They missed so much by dying in 89 or 1990. You watch a movie and it just seems so primitive.

Like, how did everybody stay in touch without a phone? You know, wherever you are, you think is, oh, my God, it can never get fucking more advanced than this. And then five years from now, you're like, what a douche I was. I was out in the wilderness by myself. Yeah. You remember calling people on the phone and being psyched when they were home Yeah, when they weren't home you just kept calling yeah ring ring ring or a machine Yeah, what do you have party lines meet a party line?

Did you ever have one of those no? What's the Edison, New Jersey? When I lived there was a kid and you would get a call was either for us or the upstairs people And I think it rang different for the Norton's or for the people upstairs So a lot of you if you were quiet you could just like pick it up and listen in and then that you could listen to someone's conversation from upstairs and sometimes they'd go I'm on the phone and you have to go oh okay but different families they shared a line wow yeah party I think it was called a uh I don't know if it was a party line I believe it was called a party line but it was nothing to

do with like 900 numbers. Did that just make it less expensive, or was it just the only option? Probably. Again, this is in the late 70s when I was 10, 11, 9 years old. Wow. That's crazy. Yeah. I don't remember that at all.

I don't know if I experienced that. That might have been on the East Coast. I was on the West Coast back then. I was on the West Coast from my age 7 to 10 where I was living in San Francisco. Okay, I guess 7 to 11 and 11 to 13 Yeah, 7 to 11 in San Francisco 11 to 13 in Florida and then Boston

Yeah, so that they didn't have the party lines back then I don't know if they had if it was just for poor people we weren't poor But we'd have a lot of money I mean my dad think I had to work at that point or he was in and out of work from trucking So maybe that was a price a money-saving thing. We were pretty poor back then we were on welfare drank powdered milk the whole deer I don't have ever had powdered milk. It sucks right? It's not good. No. Yeah It's also like very nerve-racking when you're a kid and you know that it's down to powdered milk You know and you know that like times really are tough. It's just it's a creepy feeling like whoa

We're gonna run out of food. You know like people would freak out if you ate too much It's like you know being poor is very stressful to everybody like and in comparison to the rest of the world you're rich, right? We talked about this before on this show. We have. Not you, but the 1%. Everybody uses that term, the 1%. The top 1% of ruining everything. To be 1% globally, the top 1% globally, all you need to make is $34,000 a year.

Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say if you made $34,000 a year You're poor But it's It's not rich It's

It's certainly You're in trouble If you have a family If you're making $34,000 a year And you have children to feed That's a fucking That's not a lot of money I guess it all depends

On where you live too Even if you're single in New York Or you know You make a $34,000 a year It's very hard To find a comfortable Living space in New York And have a good life there If you're only making $34,000 a year. It's very hard to find a comfortable living space in New York and have a good life there if you're only making $34,000 a year.

It's almost impossible. I think so. It's almost impossible just for your rent. Your rent might be $34,000 a year. Jesus Christ, $34,000 a year is only, what is that, a little bit more than $2,000 a month? Yeah. Good luck. Yeah.

Good fucking luck finding an apartment in New York for $2,000 a month. Good fucking luck. Did you ever see where I lived before I came? We did a Cribs on Open Anthony in 2001 when I lived in Florentine. And there was fucking black mold. We split a $900 rent between me, him, and his girlfriend at the time. And when you walk in, there's video of it. They did a Jim Norton Cribs.

And the old producer, Rick and Steve, came to my apartment. And I thought it was a great place. I had no idea what a fucking cesspool I lived in. And when you look, there was a picture on the wall when you moved it. Black mold was in the... I don't know if you can bring that up. It's a video. You don't want

the volume, but you can see it for... That's my old place. There's fucking... You can zip in a little bit. As we're walking up these steps here, this was Cliffside Park, New Jersey. Where'd you guys live? This was Cliffside Park, New Jersey. Upstairs. About six miles from New York. You can zip in a little bit As we're walking up these steps here This was Cliffside Park, New Jersey Where'd you guys live? This was Cliffside Park, New Jersey Upstairs

About six miles from New York You can see the river from the end of the block Cliffside Park That's all black mold on the wall And up in the corners Oh my god That shit's really bad for you I wonder if that's contributed to my breathing problems

Because I'm such a bad sleeper I guarantee you it did But look at it leaking from fucking down From that picture? Behind the picture We do move the picture because I'm such a bad sleeper. I guarantee you it did. But look at it leaking from fucking down. From that picture? Behind the picture, yeah. We do move the picture, and I hope it's right now. Yeah, I think we do move it.

It doesn't, it's not good. Brace yourself, it says. They put that fucking 2000 graphic. Oh my God. That's all black mold? Yeah. Holy shit, Jim. Yeah. That's really bad for you, man. That's all black mold? Yeah. Holy shit, Jim. Yeah. That's really bad for you, man.

That's insane. Why is it behind that picture like that? I think we had a very leaky living room. When you look, that was my room. That was Florentine's office. When you looked, I had a, we had a very leaky living room, which you might see. We had rain coming in all the time. We used to put four or five buckets in the living room, but it would rain

Oh my god, and it was yeah, that was that was our living room. That was where I lived Did Florentine suffer the same sort of cardiovascular problems? I don't know you know like he had be Jim had so much black mold in his bedroom He had that was this the roof. He gets almost caving in Jim had fucking Tinfoil against the whole bottom third of his wall just so the black moldy couldn't see it. What? But you know what I think too part of my breathing problems were? I think part of my breathing problems are the way I fucking sexually edge.

I've thought of that. All that jerking off. And like a lot of times I hold my breath. I don't even know I'm doing it. Like when I'm jerking off. And I'm like, you're breathing fucked up, man. Like I really think that that messed up my b rhythms or whatever like what my sleep you fucked up your sleep by edging I think I do it's it's so much like right before bed if I do something dirty I jerk off. I can't sleep. I'm wired

My god, well, I know that that black mold stuff definitely can have an effect on you. Tom Likas had that in his house, and he had to demolish half of his fucking house. Did it make it... He was sick all the time. He felt like shit all the time. He just felt terrible. His immune system was just fucked, and he couldn't figure out what was up. And then he did some tests, and he found out his house was infected with black mold.

How long did he live like that? Because I was there for about three years maximum. I don't know. It's a good question. And I've been out since 2000, or no, 2002. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how much of a pain in the ass it was or how long it lasted or what. But I know that it was an issue.

And he had to, I don't know the specifics, but I know that he had to demolish like a large portion of his house. It's a big deal. They have to cut the windows out and cut the doors out and cut the walls out and then spray everything for this fucking mold shit and kill all this mold. They have to make sure they kill all of it. It's really bad for you. Yeah, it's super bad for you.

That stuff all over your walls like that, you guys were essentially walking through air that was tainted by that fungus can you can you like i have trouble taking deep breath once in a while like i can now but then i feel like i get something stops me and i can't like anthony had a great way he was such an anthony kumi is such a great way of describing anything and he said yeah you have trouble getting that last click and that's what that deep breath for clicks and you have that final full breath Yeah But there's times where I can't get to that full click

Like I get that a lot what I'm laying down and I have to prop myself up on my right elbow And then I can take a deep breath, so I don't know things are sitting wrong inside or whatever well You know you can do breathing exercises. I'm not really an expert knees I've fucked with them a little bit and I do a I'm not really an expert in these. I've fucked with them a little bit. And I do a version of them when I do the isolation tank sometimes where I'll take a one-minute breath in and then a one-minute breath out. And so I drag my inward breath for one minute.

Oh, wow. And then I drag my outward breath for one minute. And it requires a lot of discipline because you start panicking. You know, start panicking, especially when you're breathing it out because you got to push out the whole breath you know so if i'm breathing in like i don't want to i don't want to give everybody the boring two minute version of it but i literally would go like this i'll like clean my system out and get ready and then i'll I don't know how long that was, but the first in was probably only about 30 seconds. Probably about half. Yeah, I started getting, I was panicking. About half of what I do.

I was panicking watching. So I do a full minute. Are you really breathing out? Because what happens is I'll take a deep breath, and then like 10 seconds into that, my body goes, you're full. And I'm finished. Fucking can't stand it. You just got to do it slow. So like if you look at the seven right now on that clock right there, and just start it right there.

And just give yourself a little break and go god this is a boring podcast i'm not breathing out but i am yeah i just stopped because you're right it's like literally people listening to me breathe and if they were me they'd be hoping i stopped just try it folks Just give it a try Yeah And once you once you get it down then the way I do it in an isolation tank is I do a 60 count I count in my head while I'm breathing and slow as fucking hard. It's hard to hold your breath for a minute

Mm-hmm It seems like it shouldn't be seems like well the guys that have the world records They hold a breath for like seven minutes or some shit like that Like David Blaine didn't he hold his breath for like a 14 minute time here. Yeah, he had some world record breath I think there's like a caveat to that. He might have ingested some oxygen before he did or something like that 17 minutes Whoa, if you ingest oxygen that helps I don't know Cowan told me that. Take it with a grain of salt. Is that what he did? I think so, yeah.

We were literally just breathing on the radio. It's funny. We were just taking deep breaths. It was terrible. Luckily, it wasn't the radio. Yeah, it wasn't broadcast. Our boss would go, what the fuck is wrong with you two? Yeah, what was that?

But it's a good discipline for breath. And there's all sorts of different yoga breathing called pranayama and a bunch of other different names they have for different styles of breathing. But breath exercises are like you can exercise your lungs with like deep breathing exercises where you actually strengthen your lungs and you can condition your lungs and you can get used to breathing in a way like they have a type of breathing they call shamanic breath work where you can go into psychedelic states like real drug induced states with no drugs and you do it all from this what they call it holo something breathing holo holotropic breathing is that it I've never done it but Aubrey my friend Aubrey's done it a bunch of times how long does it take you to get that way? I don't know. It's a good question.

I think if you took a class in it, and someone could show you how to do it, maybe that could be your thing. I can't breathe for shit. Holotropic breathing is a practice that uses breathing and other elements to putatively, never use that word, allow access to non-ordinary states of consciousness. It was by Stanislav Grof a successor to his LAD LSD based psychedelic therapy following the suppression of legal LSD use in the late 1960s Oh, that's interesting so he came up with that wow What a fucking genius that guy is the fact he did a lot of acid before that helped I bet

But he was you know he was always one step away from just being out of his fucking mind to take two deep breaths and he's high again trying to teach the rest of us how to do it the acid probably told him how to teach people yeah you know the acid's like listen man we're gonna go away for a little bit it's gonna be a while people are gonna still talk about us but it's gonna be a few years probably till the 2000s when really people just say why exactly is this stuff illegal again but until then you can do this i wonder if it's if it's just like a lot of you know You know you stand up too fast if the breathing too fast You can't like this is how fucking much is I don't sleep for shit

I've missed about my dumb sleep apnea for years But I literally will go to the gym to work out and my trainer has me do like literally sometimes walking up the steps I'm tired really it's fucking awful. No you you still have the sleep apnea issue I put I have so many masks so many fans have sent me masking because I'm a up the steps. I'm tired. Really? Yeah, it's fucking awful. No, you still have the sleep apnea issue? I have so many masks. So many fans have sent me masks because I'm a stuffy nose. I hate my fucking nose so much. You have no idea. It's always congested.

You got a deviated septum operation. Oh, yeah. I got it fixed. Nothing happened? Didn't help it? It helped it. But you know what I mean? Now, instead of being completely stuffed all the time, it's partially stuffed most of the

time. It's much better because I have allergies. But I can't get used to the masks. I'm claustrophobic, which fucking stinks. You should probably live in Arizona. You should force Opie to move to Arizona to of the time. It's much better because I have allergies. But I can't get used to the masks. I'm claustrophobic. You should probably live in Arizona. You should force Opie to move to Arizona to do the show. It's dry air. Yeah. I don't know if that would help though. A lot of hookers.

Yeah, I was there recently in Phoenix. Did I partake? I don't think I did. No, I was a good boy in Phoenix. You good boy. I was a good boy. No hooking in Phoenix. I like Phoenix. It's a fun fucking town. They're wild ass people.

It's an interesting town that doesn't get enough respect. Yeah. I have a good goddamn time there. I wanted to hang out with Warren Sapp. Wait, what a weekend he had in fucking Phoenix. Yeah, he had a good weekend. Would it involve cocaine and prostitution? I don't know.

There was two girls. I feel like there was some prostitution involved. He was arrested. it was an altercation in his room and these girls I guess he filmed them sucking his dick on his phone and they wanted more money. But I wish I could have sat down with them and said, Warren, sometimes when a

girl is like that and she's freaking out and they want a few extra hundred and they'll leave, you gotta do it. Because you're paying, yeah, it's shitty and it's not part of the deal. But you are, if they want, I want $10,000, that's different. Yeah, that's bullshit. Yeah, it is.

It's bullshit. It's a bad business practice. Demand to see her manager. So maybe I'm confusing his story, and I believe I am, with Mike Tyson's story. Because he was arrested in Phoenix and he had cocaine on him. When? But it was a long time ago. Oh, yeah, this was this past Super Bowl.

Yeah. This year, yeah. Right. And he lost his gig because he shoved in Phoenix and he had cocaine on him. When? But this was a long time ago. Oh, yeah. This was this past Super Bowl. Yeah. This year, yeah. Right. And he lost his gig because he shoved the woman or whatever, allegedly. Oh, no. But there was an altercation between them and him. And I've had that where you can feel, because I don't drink, so maybe I have a better sense for it.

Like, if you're drunk, you might be fucking not thinking. Right. But you can feel when it's about to go to a weird place. And a lot of times you gotta back out and be calm and you know what I mean? Like I had a girl one time

we would just text dirty shit all the time and she was threatening like she didn't know who I was as a comedian so she was threatening to expose me for my dirty fantasies

and none of them were things that would be that they were slightly embarrassing but none of them were like horrific. She was threatening to expose you? She wanted money.

What? And I kind of said to to I'm like first of All everyone I know knows I'm a pervert everyone that hears you on the radio She was on the radio all the people that low she didn't know yeah Like you have no idea the person you're actually talking to right now So I'm like do what you have to do, but you literally just made a fucking of committed a felony through text You're trying to blackmail me for money a You're dope. Did you tell her that? Yes.

I'm like, but then she's like, well, I wouldn't do it, but somebody would. I'm like, whatever it is. I'm like,

you're attempting to blackmail me. But I wasn't even mad at her. But I said to her, this is the point. I said to her, look, why don't we both just talk tomorrow when we have clearer heads and we're not, let's not fight.

I said, let's walk away. I didn't say you fucking cunt. Cause sometime you got this. Yeah. I was pointing people on there, but I said, let's walk away. I didn't say, you fucking cunt. Because sometimes you got to. I love this. Yeah, I was pointing. People on the. But I said, you got to give people an out once in a while.

And that's what Warren Sapp in that moment probably didn't do. He was probably so angry and like, fuck you, bitch, and fuck you. And then they're arguing. And instead of realizing, I got a gig and the cops are going to show up. Right. Give her the out. All right, look. I don't want to fight with you.

Let's calm down. Here's an extra $300. Let's walk away. Maybe we'll talk tomorrow and do it again. Then she thinks she might have some more money coming in tomorrow. She might actually be amenable to not screaming. So whatever. I've also heard there was trannies that blackmailed rappers

that wanted $30,000 in the lobby. I've heard stories of that. Wow, $30,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had a few trann me that they're like, yeah You know this been rappers or whatever that fucking got blackmailed by girls They start freaking out in the lobby and the guys like alright come back up and they want money Wow Being a rapper is a lot of pressure man being a comic

Nobody cares what the fuck you do being a rapper has got to be a motherfucker because you have that much pressure because they're not meeting Oh, it's image wise and stuff. Oh, yeah, and if they're into the weird shit. Yeah, or you can't show weakness. Eminem can self-deprecate, but that whole side of psychology is harder for those guys because it's seen as weakness, and it's always got to be you and partying with a fat-ass girl in a car, and I came from nothing and now I'm the shit and fuck you. And it's like, God damn. Started from the bottom, now we're here.

Yeah, that's a good one. That's a catchy fucking tune. I don't even like it. Started from the bottom, now the whole're here. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a catchy fucking tune I don't even like it from the bottom. Not a whole team here. Oh boy. Is that a good one? Yeah, it's a smart move Yeah, it's a weird culture like that's a culture of machismo It's like one of the most macho forms of music ever Yeah in a lot of ways right more than rock cuz they don't know they have ballads too But I would say it it but the guys to do it was shooting each other. The guys in rock were never known in being a culture where their friends were getting shot.

Right, that's a difference. They took it to a totally new place. The rap game, especially gangster rap, they made East Coast, West Coast rivalries involve gunfights. That shit never existed before. Where was there ever a guy in rock and roll that was

openly like Suge Knight? There really wasn't. Phil Spector was as close as you come, and he wasn't a gangster. He was just a fucking kook. And the Hendrix manager. Hendrix had a manager that apparently, according to a guy who was once one of their roadies or their security guys, whatever the fuck it was, he just put out a book saying that he thinks that not only did the manager kill Hendrix, but he Hendrix girlfriend too. She's dead. I guess yeah Hendrix girlfriend was she fell or was pushed off of a roof in

Soho like right after Hendrix died and you know the idea was that she committed suicide or She knew too much and she was killed I doubt that he could I would guess knowing nothing other than what you just said. She allowed Hendricks to die because she was afraid the cops would find the drugs in the room. So that was why Hendricks died, because he could have been saved if she had just called the ambulance.

But she didn't. So the manager probably said, do you know how much money you cost me, you dumb fuck, and threw her off the roof? If that's like Fort Apache, when Ayala throws that kid off the roof, it was probably like that.

That could have been the case. The book was arguing that Hendrix was leaving the manager, and the manager had a stranglehold on Hendrix for a bunch of stupid reasons, and one of them was that he had faked a kidnapping. He had kidnapped Jimmy and then rescued Jimmy. He had some people kidnap him and then said, look, I rescued you. You're going to be fine. I talked to the mob guys, and everything's going to be okay.

And this is what this guy who wrote the book, try to find that, Jamie. Try to find, it was really recent, like within the last year or so, this guy wrote this book. And it was really fascinating. I heard him being interviewed, or read it, I don't remember which. But it's pretty interesting, the theories that this guy puts forth. Is the manager alive now or dead? I think the manager's dead, too, but the manager was a notorious criminal. Oh, okay.

Undoubtedly a bad guy. Naughty boy. And they believe that he really did have Jimi Hendrix kidnapped and then stepped in to save him to let him know, you better have loyalty to me. I'm going to keep you from all these bad guys that want to kidnap you.

And that's a crazy tactic to keep an artist in your stable. Yeah, it's fairly brilliant, though. I mean, if you had a Hendrix in your stable, you know, you got to pull out all stops. Well, I think he realized that. I think he realized he probably signed him before he really hit. And then once he really hit, he's like, holy Jesus Christ, look what I got on my hands. Only like the greatest rock and roll guy ever. So what this guy was saying, yeah, Booker, the man who saved Jimi Hendrix from the mafia. Is that it?

American Desperado. Mob kidnapping and water skiing mishap. Maybe. I don't, I think that's just part of it. Yeah, just look up Jimi Hendrix manager killed him. Look up that and see if you find. Oh God, the sexist racist history of SNL. I just looked at that headline. Oh God. Good

God. How about Rolling Stone? Boy, they shit the bed. Yeah, they did. It's amazing how bad it is now. That's what they get for putting the fucking Boston Bomber on the cover. That, that was disgusting. And then this new thing. Well, not just they put him on the cover. They put him on the cover looking cute.

A glamour shot. A glamour shot. Looking cute. Yeah, in his new book, yeah, Rock Rhodey, Wright claims that Jeffrey told him he plied Hendrix with pills and alcohol in order to kill him and claim on the guitarist's life insurance. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Yeah. Who knows, man? I wonder if that hotel room is still there or if that hotel is gone. I know they took down the one where Bobby Kennedy was killed. The ambassador is gone. Yeah. They just took that down and put a school there or something. I wonder if that hotel still stands. Look at this. But look at what you said. I was in London the night of Jimmy's death. is gone. Yeah. They just took that down and put a school there or something.

I wonder if that hotel still stands. Look at this. I was in London the night of Jimmy's death. We went around to Monica's hotel room, got a handful of pills and stuffed them in his mouth and poured a few bottles of red wine deep into his windpipe. Doesn't that seem like there would be some sign of struggle? Yeah, what was Hendrix doing?

There would be cuts on him or something. Manager was allegedly worried that Hendrix was about to sack him. He had recently taken out a life insurance policy of $2 million. Hmm. If that's true, that's wild. But Jeffrey is the beneficiary. Mm-hmm. We had to do it.

Jimmy was worth much more to him dead than alive. Jeffrey's quote is telling right. That son of a bitch is going to leave me. If I lost him, I'd lose everything. Man, I don't know about all that. Yeah, it's all hearsay. Yeah, yeah. Who knows? And it's also, yeah, this guy wants to sell a book and he going to leave me. If I lost him, I'd lose everything. Man, I don't know about all that. It's all hearsay. Yeah. Yeah.

Who knows? And it's also, yeah, this guy wants to sell a book and he wants to make money. The guy's dead. The guy can't defend himself. Right. Who the fuck knows? Meanwhile, we just spread that rumor. Absolutely.

That's how you do it. But we did say allegedly. Allegedly. I love saying that. It's a good word. It's a good word. Protect you in a lawsuit. Oh, boy.

You want to throw out that allegedly. Allegedly is always important. It's a nice little buffer. I think he went allegedly, I wonder. By the way, off the subject before I forget, Jones against, oh, my God, Anthony Johnson. What do you think? It's a good fight.

It's a very good fight. It's all about whether or not Johnson can get a hold of Jones because Jones is very good at using his reach, better than anybody ever. He's the very best at utilizing reach, and he's also very good at using techniques to keep people at bay. He uses a straight arm all the time, which is not good because he pokes guys in the eye occasionally. So he's got to make sure if he does do that, he puts palm to the forehead fingers really pulled back

make sure that the fingers aren't an issue because it's a legit technique that comes from Muay Thai in Muay Thai you'll see a lot of that, they push off and then a leg kick push off elbow, push off punch but there's a lot of pushing off and there's, you know, because they're doing different than boxing where they're utilizing

all these other techniques like kicks and elbows and knees and stuff. So pushing off and then pushing into clinching, all that is like a valid part of that style of striking. And it's probably one of the most effective styles of striking. Johnson's really fucking good at Muay Thai. He's got a really good Dutch kickboxing coach, this guy Henry Hooft, who is the lead trainer of the Black Zillions, which is a Florida-based crew that has a lot of high-level strikers come through. Tyrone Spong trains there.

Alistair Overeem was training there for a bit. And they have a lot of big-name guys like Nicky Holtzkin, who's like a famous Dutch guy who fights in glory, and a bunch of other guys come in through there. This is like Gokhan Saki, like real, real high-level guys. And so they all train in this one spot. So Johnson is getting like super high-level training in kickboxing. There was pictures of him sparring with Rico Verhoeven. Rico Verhoeven is the Glory heavyweight champion of the world in kickboxing.

Bad motherfucker. Just like super technical kickboxer. So if Johnson's in there sparring with that guy on a daily basis he's getting some super high quality striking training and Johnson has lethal power he's really a fucking strong dude man he's a destroyer he's a destroyer his power is ridiculous and it's incredible that this guy started off his career in the UFC at 170 and now he's at 205.

At 205, he's just smashing people. Not only did he not lose power, going up 35 fucking pounds of competition weight, not even body weight. There's a lot of guys like Hendricks, they'll fight at 170. He'll get to 205 easy in the downtime because he just gets fat,

eats a lot of fucking wild pigs and shit. He's nutty. He's a nutty Texas guy. But Rumble would get up to that in meat. He's got 205 pounds of fucking meat on him. Right. So he went from 170 to weight cut to 205, comfortable weight cut, and just smashing people.

It's crazy. It's unprecedented. No one's ever done it before. No one's ever, like, gone up not just one weight class, but two weight classes and been a legit threat to the world title. What are they fighting? They are fighting in May That is May. What is the date? Vegas yeah, May 23rd come on down. I may go for that one man. That's a good one go down come hang with us Tom Segura and Ari Shafir no Tom Segura and Tony Hinchcliffe and I are doing the Ka Theater.

Oh, is that in MGM? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's the only thing I take off to do is to go see fights. I take off for nothing else. That's awesome. Yeah.

I mean, that's the only hobby I have is I like to go to UFC and watch. That's my only leisure activity. Well, I tell people one of the funnest times I ever had in Vegas was a time where I didn't have a gig scheduled. And it was you and me and Red Band and Bobby Kelly and Anthony. Remember, we all went to see Dice. Bobby Kelly was there too, right? He was, yeah. And we all went to see Dice. We all had a steak dinner like men.

We had a good fucking meal in us who went down to the Riviera and watched a show Hung out with dice yeah, and dice was all happy to see us. We went backstage. We're chillin in the green room We had a great fucking time. It was a lot of fun. That was a great fucking time It was really fun It was one of my funnest times ever in Vegas, and it was also a time to sit like an audience member and just laugh. Yeah. We were just laughing like idiots. Well, I watched you when I went out there, and I haven't sat, I think, I told you, yours

is the first comedy show I sat through in years. And I mean fucking years. And it was fun to watch. It was really enjoyable. I might have seen the end of Ari, who I like, and then I watched you, and it made me laugh. And it was kind of fun just to watch somebody perform who I know and like and just enjoy it, like you said, as an audience member. Well, I did the same to you in Austin.

I told you that you kind of changed my thinking about two things, about the length of a set and also about too many dick jokes. Right. Because I would go, God damn, I got too many fucking dick jokes in my act. But I saw Norton killed, killed 50 minutes nonstop barrage of dick jokes. And I'm howling laughing. I'm howling laughing. And I remember thinking, you know what?

I like that you just pound them for 50 minutes. I was always like, I got to do at least an hour 10, maybe an hour 20. I think an hour is my magic number. Yeah, I do an hour now, about an hour. That seems to be like the magic number yeah I do an hour now about an hour that seems to be like the magic number where people just get tired of listening to you so what I do is I bring good guys on the road with me and the good guys do like at least a half an hour so either Hinchcliffe will do a half an hour or if I have Hinchcliffe and Segura they'll each do like 20 minutes so like so there's a nice variety of looks and then I'll do like an hour and it's a

great show it's a big pack together fast but like when I'll do like an hour, and it's a great show. It's a big pack together, fast. Like when I go to see a movie, I'm so happy with a kick-ass 90-minute movie. That's good. You don't have to give me a three-hour movie, man. I don't need a Lord of the Rings fucking, I don't need to drag that bitch out. One and a half hours is a good number. So seeing you and you crush for 50 minutes, it put it in my head.

I was like, you know what? I really enjoyed that, and as an audience member. I would really enjoy that. Thank you Yeah, you know it's like you just I go through my phases where I'm really filthy or I'm not as dirty it all depends On what I'm what's happening in my life like when I'm single like I am now. I'm dirtier because I'm doing more dirty shit There's more stuff to report I get a special coming out Friday the 24th which is why I'm in LA. I'm really happy with it. You always have to say that about your latest project, but I actually really like this one

but I'm already moving on because I've got to drop all that fucking material and it's an hour of stuff that I no longer talk about. You know, that's really fun. It's fun to do. I get scared every time I do it. Every time I drop my act and it's fun to do I get scared every time I do it every time I drop my act and start all over again I get scared but it's really fun what is it what is it called actually inadequate yeah where'd that

come from it was it was something about context I had really wanted to call it context not included but I didn't like that as much and I just thought of like it's like my greatest fear is to be inadequate. Like, I feel sexually inadequate all the time, and contextually inadequate, I'm afraid that what I'm saying is meaningless. So it just tied in, it just felt right because it's my two greatest fears. So I put them together and made one mediocre special.

I hope it's good. I know it's going to be good. You're hilarious. But I like it. A lot of times you shoot something, normally you like it in hindsight. Like, I'll like something I shot like a year later but um you know now i'm like yeah i'm really happy with this i'm happy with the pace of it i'm happy with it i talk about cosby i talk about anthony getting fired you know just a lot of shit that you know felt new that's that's so important because one of the things that happens the comics when they hold on their material too long

they don't think like that anymore I love the Peter Criss I have all four Kiss solo albums as characters That one's just me I got H. Freely as Chip I got one of them as Edgar and one as Uncle Paul That's hilarious Yeah and those are just all in the Sabbath cover It was Colin's idea because you had to put yourself on album covers

And I had this guy Put me on all the Black Sabbath records So every time you refresh the page, it's a different image? Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, they're just all Sabbath records. That is hilarious. I've got to do some more, though. Is that picture from the last one, was that you when you had a nose operation?

Yeah, that was just one of my many apnea photos, my fucking fat face. I hate the way that there's a... No, no, no. You know, Mozzie's first record. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty cool, man.

And it feels like it's me. It feels like it's my, it's jimnorton.com and it just feels like it's mine. What I was going to say is that for me at least, doing new material is really important

like at the end of a cycle. Like, so you got a two year cycle. For me, it's like two years seems to be if i do a special every one year that it's just too rushed that i'm not honing the material enough i'm not giving my perspective chance enough to grow on stage and it's like i'll i'll do way more than i need to in those two years and then i'll whittle it down to what i

really like when that time comes you know but then forces me, when I abandon it and start with new stuff, my perspective is always refreshed. I think as a person, you're constantly reevaluating things. And as a stand-up, you kind of have to be. You have to always be looking for what's funny about something, what's interesting, and that changes. Your material changes too. And fans have to realize too,, like, you know, I get so, it's amazing, like, how much feedback you get that is exactly the opposite.

Like, you'll get one guy will tweet or write, hey, man, fucking Norton, your stuff is so topical, it doesn't hold up. And then the next person will say, fucking enough with the tranny jokes and sex jokes. It's like, well, make up your mind, motherfuckers. What do you want? I can't do it for you. I can only do what feels right. And the reason I do a lot of topical stuff is, A, it interests me, and B, it's like I talk on the radio every day.

That's what's on my mind. It's like when you're fucking reading the paper every day and you're talking about stuff every day, you're formulating opinions because you're talking about something long form for six minutes or ten minutes, and then you just start getting an idea about it and you create something. Yeah, but the people that are like really wacky hardcore fans, they get upset if you talk about something on the radio and then that becomes a bit. Yeah. Like, I heard you talk about that

on the radio already. I want to do my dance. They don't know what they want because the criticism is, again, 50% say this, 50% say that. I think it's even more than 50% say they like being in on the creative process. Like, oh, I remember when you first brought that up. But those are the core, there's people

that are just looking to complain. Yeah. No matter what you do, there's going to be some people that are just looking to be upset. And there's some people that just want to get your attention. They just want you to notice them. They do, and I actually wrote about that when Lindy West and I had that debate about rape jokes. Afterwards, she was getting, like, a lot of rape comments.

Hope you get raped and killed. And she wrote a big blog about how it was all this rape threats. And then I wrote something for XO Jane, which I didn't think they were legit rape threats. If we had been talking about drunk driving, I said, people would have fucking wrote, I hope you're killed by a drunk driver. It's one of those things where people just want to be heard. They want to say the worst thing they can say. I hope you get raped is pretty much the worst thing you can say. It's like walking into a room and just screaming to be heard. They want to say the worst thing they can say. I hope you get raped. It's pretty much the worst thing you can say. It's like walking into a room and just screaming real loud.

Everybody goes, what was that? We noticed you. That's what you wanted. Well, you know what, man? There's always going to be people that are just looking to get upset. And there's always going to be people that are looking to piss people off. You know, they think they can push your buttons. And trolls, like anonymous trolls online, taking them into account as an actual legit threat,

you have no idea what you're dealing with. It might be a legit threat. But it also might be some 13-year-old kid who's a dickhead. I think the majority of them, this is what I love when they criticize material or they criticize what you're doing. The way I've been talking about Opie and Anthony, and a lot of people, he's not telling the truth.

Like, what do you want me to say? What do you mean? You're not telling the truth about what? A lot of these guys just want me to go on the radio and motherfuck Opie. And they think

that's what's being honest. They think that that's what I should do. Meanwhile, they're posting under anonymous names. It's like, you fucking cowards. You fucking afraid for everybody to see

who you really are. Cowards. Sitting in your house demanding other people do shit that you wouldn't. You don't have the moral courage to say your name. Go fuck yourself. But they think that's what honesty is. Like, that's what they want. And it's like, if I don't give them that, instead of realizing maybe that's not where the truth lies for me, they think I'm not being honest.

Yeah, but you're evaluating the minds of retards. Like, you're looking at these really dopey people for logic and reasoning. There's just a bunch of people that are just cunts. No matter what you do, and if you really concentrate too much about what they're saying, you get crazy. It's like you're taking in crazy input.

But there are times where they're right. With my stand-up or other things that they've criticized, and this is why they annoy me, it's like, hey, dummies, I've actually given you guys credit when you're right. I really meant it when I've said there are times when they say things that are really smart and intuitive, and they fucking nail one of my shitty habits or my verbal crutches. They make a lot of very valid points. And then I'll read that they theorize something about the radio show,

and it's like, oh, my God, did I give you idiots way too much credit? Well, you see what you're saying? The problem with what you're saying is they. You're saying they. As if there are like one collective unit that has a vote and they all decide. And there's a bunch of fuckheads out there and there's a bunch of really cool people out there too.

And sometimes the really cool people, they disagree with you and they have a good point. And there's just a way to do it where it's like, you know, I noticed that he relies on this a bit too much. It gets a tad tiresome. Or it gets really tiresome. You could even say it gets really tiresome. And maybe you don't like hearing that.

It stings. But maybe that's what you need to hear. But there's a difference between that and someone who's just a dummy who also gets the same amount of voice. Like, you know, you're on Twitter and someone's reaching out to you on Twitter. If you read a dummy's words, you know, he got to you just like the smart guy got to you. They all just, they're all receiving, you know, you're receiving all that data in your brain. It's just you got to decide, like, okay, what kind of a person am I taking this advice from?

What kind of a person am I receiving this criticism from? Is he a fucking idiot? Or is this a cool person who just disagrees with me? And there's two different types of people out there when it comes to things that are a conflict. There's cool people that you can get involved with conflicts with where you work out each other's differences. And then there's cunts. And that's the fine art of anonymous internet interaction. Like you can be anonymous and still not be a cunt. And that's the thing, that's what irritates me about that culture.

It's like, I have a public email. The real Jim Norton at Gmail is for people to contact me. Not once have I ever gotten an email from somebody. That was reasonable. If it's nasty, I'll answer you nasty or I'll ignore you. But I've never gotten one that was, and again, guys, you guys have medication. Fucking slow down with the eight paragraphs.

But if you send me an email and go, look, this is what I don't like about the show, and I feel you guys are doing this too much, I really do read it, and I really do listen to what you say. A lot of times I don't agree with it, and there's times where I write you back. But I'm not that irrational where somebody will be critical. Just don't be a dick. You can't say to me, fucking show stinks. back, but I'm not that irrational where somebody will be critical. Just don't be a dick. Right. Like, you can't say to me, like, you know what I mean, fucking show stinks.

Right. And open your cunt, and then you don't respond, and they go, see, he can't take criticism. Yeah. It's like, well, you're not exactly being fucking, you know, you're not contacting me. You know, calling someone a cunt is not the act of a friend. You know, you're not writing me an email and just going, look, man, I think you guys are disloyal to Anthony. There's a lot of loyalty issues. Yeah, and it's like, how much more

loyal do you want me to be to Anthony? I love Anthony. How can I express to you that's not enough for them? At first, they were like, well, you're not saying you're loyal to Anthony. I'm going to Anthony's show and then that's not enough. All he does is say he loves Anthony and goes on his show. What would you like me to do? Anthony and I

are fine with how we treat each other. What do you want? Sometimes I think that they just don't know what they want and I wish you would express to me what you want. Send me an email that makes sense, unmedicated, and I really will read it and try to accommodate you. I do want the fucking fans

happy. They don't seem to get that. It's like I really do. I and try to accommodate you. Like, I do want the fucking fans happy. Right. And they don't seem to get that. It's like, I really do. Like, you know, I stand out and meet everybody. And I don't charge for fucking photos. You do the same thing. I've seen you do it. How much more can I say to fans, I appreciate what you do and I do appreciate your input, than standing there like a fucking dumb jizz bucket.

I don't charge for anything. Most of you don't buy things on the way out. And I always thank you for coming. Like, what do you want me to do? Suck your dick in the parking lot? I'm there. But again, most people are cool, right? So you're freaking out about a small percentage that you should just ignore. Actually,

I'm not even freaked out. I'm not even... I'm a little hyper now because I'm drinking this fucking gasoline you gave me. It's very good. Caveman coffee. Delicious. But it does hype me up. But I'm not even angry at them. Some of them are really funny. And some of the mean ones are really funny dudes.

And it's like, God, you're fucking you know more about the show than to be this dumb at this moment. You know more about what we do and about our interactions with each other than to be a dope at this moment. But I'm not even that mad at them. It's like some of them just are hilarious.

Well, it's also they're not realizing that you're just a person. For some reason, when you think of someone as being a famous comedian, you think of them being way out there in New York or wherever the fuck they are at the moment. You're tweeting at them and they're tweeting back. That doesn't even seem real to a kid. You're tweeting at them, and they're tweeting back. That doesn't even seem real to a kid. If you're an 18-year-old kid, and you're living in Cleveland,

and you get on your iPhone, and you're like, fuck you, you jizz bucket, to you. And then you're like, fuck you, I didn't say anything to you, asshole. You're like, did Jim Norton really tweet at me? It doesn't even seem real. I love going back at them and having fun with them. I like sometimes being a dick and then then knowing that they're just going to start fighting with other people and it's out of my hands. It's kind of fun. Well, I do enjoy going to people's Twitter pages when they all day long are in legitimate fights.

Like, one of the things I noticed, this group that likes to call themselves social justice warriors, or they get disparagingly referred to as social justice warriors, there's a bunch of these people that I follow. And some of them that even, I'm on a blocked list. Can you believe that? Oh, yeah. I think I am too. I think I know that list. Somebody sent me that because you send out incendiary things and their weak culture of I don't want to read what upsets me.

Does that mean jokes? So no. Yeah. Jokes are bad for our culture. My point being, I like to go to their pages because some of them, their entire timeline is them fighting with people. Like in these horrible, like insult laden back and forth conversations. And there's that old expression that if you go outside and you run into an asshole, you probably just ran into an asshole. But if you go outside and everybody you meet is an asshole, it might be you.

Right. You're the common denominator. It might be you. Yeah. Like, if your Twitter feed is just constant complaining about everything in the world and then arguments with people that are disagreeing with you that end up in horrible insults, like, maybe it's you. Yeah. Like, maybe it's you. Like, maybe Maybe you don't realize you're transmitting a signal and that signal is super cunty and what you're getting back is super cunty data

You know and you think it's the whole world the world sucks look I'm getting rape threats, and I'm getting all these horrible harassment Maybe maybe that's what's maybe you send out a real shitty flag. You fly a shitty flag and shit comes back your way. And people respond to it in a shitty way. And they don't like it. If somebody insults you publicly and then you insult them back, they get all of a sudden like, what, you picking on me? Jim Norton attacked a blogger. You're a heckler.

You've heckled me online. You've at-mentioned me so I see it. Here's what they say. Jim, I'd like to walk up to you and go, fuck you in your face, and then walk away without you saying anything. You should. You should do that to your fans. You don't love your fans.

Dude, you don't even love your fans. They are animals. They really are good, though. The things they tolerate me saying. was on stage in denver recently and the biggest response i got was doing chip and uncle paul i'm threatening to molest i'm you're like reminiscing about i always find a young guy and just talk about like yeah i remember when you was a baby and they fucking love knowing that i'm going to talk about molesting this man well it's that character that character. It allows you to do things that are totally unacceptable normally.

My favorite thing to do in the world. If I could literally... Doing Chip and Uncle Paul and Edgar and all that stuff, it's so... Here's why it's so much fun. It's playing the bad guy. How many... You get to explore that fucking horrible side of... When we're doing a story about a fucking priest

or a molester, just to know that, like, Uncle Paul can step in and go in any direction. It's so much fun. Because, you know, as a man, you've got to go, oh, it's terrible. That's wrong. But that's not funny to say. But it is, to me. How long has Uncle Paul been around for?

Well, he started, Uncle Paul started. I've been doing characters for years in relationships. Long before I did them on the radio, I did them to annoy my girlfriends. And he was Uncle Larry many years ago. There was Roger Davis, or Roger D, and this is long before Chip, there was Roger, and Roger had a brother, Lester, who was burned

in a fire. You had a whole time, like a whole storyline. Lester was burned everywhere but his knees, and so he would always wear knickers to show off his legs. It was a whole thing, and Uncle Roger, I know Uncle Larry, and then it merged into Chip, who my girlfriend hated

so much, and Chip became the fucking, because they would, Chip would embarrass people. I did that literally before I ever thought of doing it on the radio. I would be out with girlfriends and embarrass them by doing that, like I would just be making bad jokes in the cab, and my girlfriend uh you know uh jen and even girlfriend just go just shut the fuck up it's not funny and uh it made me so happy and what this is what would drive jen crazy

he'd be like a really nice steakhouse and the waiter would come over and she would order like the salmon and then Chip just goes, how much is that? And would ask the waiter and she was like, do you know how humiliating it is that people think I fucked that guy?

People think I'm fucking this guy. And that's where they come from. That visceral reaction, it was real. Who was I doing one night that she, oh, I would do you know how Edgar's one I don't do as much Who's Edgar? Edgar's the one with the tiny

mouth. He just goes, you're a woman of lower stock. And that's his thing. But he had a brother, Eugene and Eugene was always telling her that like, you know, you need to get right with the Lord. And he would always tell her that, like, you know, you need to get right with the Lord. And he would always tell her she was garbage and a whore.

You know? He would tell my girlfriend she was a whore and she was not worthy. I'm fucking crying. I'm crying. But what happened was my girlfriend at the time, who's now my best friend, she's my ex-girlfriend from years ago, she hated Eugene so much. And I mean, it wasn't even funny anymore

because we would do it and she would dig her fingernails into my face. She dug her nails into my face. Because I think Eugene hit a spot with her. It's true. And it was such a visceral reaction from her that I stopped doing Eugene because she caught me dirty texting. With another girl. She fucking, I told you. I wasn't even a girl I ever fucked. another girl. She fucking, I told you, it wasn't even a girl I ever fucked. It was just a girl.

I told you, my dirty intriguing. It was a girl. I was like, I'll pay you 500, baby. So I fucking, I'm such an addict I would save my conversations to jerk off to. And I hit the wrong button and I fucking printed it. Dude, I fucking printed it. So she wakes me up one morning.

She goes, Jim, wake up. And I knew I was in trouble. So she wakes me up one morning. She goes, Jim, wake up. And I knew I was in trouble. So she found these things, and she knew I hadn't fucked the girl, but it was a real strain on the relationship. So I swear to you, as one of the ways of making amends to her, I stopped doing Eugene. I killed off Eugene Mellencamp because I do a baby boy character named Jelly who she liked.

Who's Jelly? I don't do Jelly publicly. He's too embarrassing. He I do a baby boy character named Jelly, who she liked. Who's Jelly? I don't do Jelly publicly. He's too embarrassing. He's just a little boy. But she thought he was really cute, and Uncle Paul would always molest Jelly. And Chip was so stupid. Chip would always drop Jelly off at Uncle Paul's house, and he didn't know. It was a whole fucking inner world.

So, yeah, Chip would be like, what? Uncle Paul's a good guy. He's helping out. And she would drive her crazy. Paul's a good guy he's helping out she is so and she would drive her crazy but it was just a fun way to be and she reacted so strongly so I've said before no one like I am animating them now and I'm in a point now with them where I haven't introduced them we're working on it are you gonna do an actual show with these care pilots oh yeah but this is after years of people telling me to do it.

What are you going to do it on? I don't know yet, but it's going to be on something. What about Netflix? Nah, they got a Bill Burr cartoon and I don't think they're interested and I don't want to do it online somewhere. I don't think I'll be able to monetize it. I have a six minute pilot. I have a second five minute episode

where the audio is all taped already and I'm looking at what they call animatronics now, which is it's a very basic animation. It's like a storyboarding that moves. So it doesn't really look like the characters, but they're just showing you the motion they're going to be in and where they are. But I got to see Chip's face animated. I see what the character looks like, and it's getting to where I'm happy with it.

Because, again, different levels of animation are expensive shit. It's like two grand a minute. So both of these things are costing me like 20 grand to do total. Which is alright, that's not that bad if it's an investment and it's mine and I fucking own it. But to get the animation that's amazing, it's like five grand a minute.

I'm not funding that much. So these are a fucking... It's a beginning. And where it will go from here depends on how people respond to it. If they think it's funny and they like it, they might go, that's cool, we want this, we want that. But I really want to do something with it. So I've got a lot of the characters in the first one

and in the second one I have a couple of the characters and I think people will like it. But I literally just did it because after years and years of people telling me to do this stuff. But it's the most fun I have on the road. There's nothing. I can't listen to Jim Norton. I really can't.

As a kid, I would always have these weird. I would detach from Jim Norton. And we would fantasize. I had this little baby, this fantasy of me when I was five. Me and Jimmy Robinson were friends. Jimmy Robinson was a boy in a cape. It was me. He was Jim Norton in a cape.

But me and Jimmy Robinson hated Jimmy Norton. There was this weird separation. I don't know who I was. I was just this guy and I was five or six and Jimmy Robinson was really cool and good looking and he was five or six and he looked like he was me. But he rode a tricycle and had a fucking cape and we just, Jim Norton was

fucking shit. So I've always had this weird detachment. So I don't like listening to myself any more than anybody else does right now on coffee. But I like watching. I like listening to Uncle Paul or Chip because they don't sound like me. I'll go back and listen to fucking Chip and I laugh like I've never heard it before because I don't remember

saying it. I mean, I remember doing it but I don't. In those moments, you're not fucking paying attention. So in those moments you are really thinking like that guy. Oh, yeah. It's never thought through, ever. And I'll listen sometimes and remember it, and I'll listen to it like somebody who's like, oh, yeah, no, you really are thinking in that...

That mindset. It's fun, but it's fun to do. And that's why I'm always interested, like when I'm uncomfortable acting somewhere. And again, I know the difference between standing there with Clive Owen with a bunch of people playing doctors. That's a real situation.

Instead of just talking to my fucking, you know, dumbbell fucking friends on the radio and Bob Kelly's there. You know, there's no pressure with your buddies. But it's almost like, why is one so comfortable where there's zero planning in it and it's just going to be, you're talking about whatever you think of for five minutes and you know it has to be funny and you know it has to move a story along. Why is that not scary at all? But this is. So something is, you know, interfering, I think, and you know it has to move a story along. Why is that not scary at all? But this is.

So something is interfering, I think, to kind of bring it back. But that's the most fun I have is doing that shit. So you've been doing these characters for a long time. Yeah, I brought them to the radio over time. They became in the radio over time, but they existed long before radio. They existed in my personal life as just a fun way to be... There's so many... My ex-girlfriend was the best.

I'll see her tonight. She's fucking awesome. Jennifer... I've never given her name before, but I've talked about her. Her name is Jennifer Carmody. She has a podcast. She's really a funny person. And she... She's the one. She fucked the characters. She fucked Chip and Uncle Paul. And Jen is the one, she fucked the characters. Like she fucked Chip and Uncle Paul and Jen is hilarious.

And she, uh, she fucked Sudley. Sudley was one I never do. Sudley was one who was just dumb and he would drool a lot and he would lick the side of her face and her neck and she hated Sudley. I, he was kind of retarded, but he, he never made it to the radio. Some things don't translate. They're just things you do in your personal life. What kind of a cast do you have in your brain?

How many people are in there? There was at one point with Jen. And Jen, the reason she's working on this animation with me, because literally her and my manager Jonathan and Club Soda Kenny have dealt with these people in their personal lives more than any of you have ever heard them on the radio. There was at one point with Jen, of course it was Chip, and there was Jelly, and there was Edgar Mellencamp and Eugene Mellencamp, and I did kill off Eugene.

There was Uncle Paul. There was, she remembered Sheldon, who was, there was another one called the Sushi Kid, who was just a guy who kind of talked like Rick Forch, but like sushi, and talked all about sushi. The Sushi Kid? The Sushi Kid, and then there was fucking Sudley, who drooled a lot. But a lot of these characters had no depth to them, and that's why I didn't bring them to the radio. They were only funny contextually in the relationship, because Jen got them and I got them.

So there was no, they would be one-trick ponies on the radio. He just went like, Jennifer, and he would lick her pussy bad, or lick her thighs And it would just gross her out So there was no way to translate that So one night she fucked Chip and Uncle Paul And suddenly she said Chip was the worst fuck Which always made me laugh

She said Uncle Paul was probably the best of the three So while you're fucking her you're in these characters Only that time as a goof She sucked Chip's dick once too Because Chip came in one time Chip came in one time as a goof, and he was like, fucking, Jenny called my bomb. It was in Montreal. He bombed at the festival, and she felt bad, so she blew Chip.

She was hilarious. And who else was there? There was fucking, at one point, there's one called the Gossip Kid, which I don't, he was was black and I don't do him anymore He was black? Yeah, he was just the one that would kind of sum up He almost worked like And it was not based on this Before I ever saw fucking

Remember Harold Perrineau when he did Oz The guy in the wheelchair, the black guy would kind of narrate That's what The Gossip Kid did He would just narrate I heard Uncle Paul, I heard the bitch suck Uncle Paul's dick It was like that and she made her laugh the gossip kid was one of the favorites We would do but then our relationship ended years ago So I don't do the gossip kid anymore, but the gossip kid would sum the characters up. Oh

My god, that's hilarious. That's what I'm gonna do too. I forgot about him until recently I started doing him again to some to another friend, actually, who was like, that's fucking funny. He comes out on the radio once in a while, too. He'll just do it. People will always hear me go, who is that bitch? And that's that character. But I haven't gone into great depth with it.

Jimmy, you need to do a podcast. Just by yourself. Just by yourself, talking to different guests. Just you and a guest. I don't know if it would be It would be fucking beautiful. People hear me so much on the radio. Maybe if I didn't have radio. I hear you. You know what I mean? People get bored of me.

They wouldn't get bored of you if you had a podcast. I guarantee you. You would reach a lot of people. And even if you only did it once a week, wouldn't it be a bad idea to have something in the back burner? Who the fuck knows what's going to happen with Sirius? That true i mean they're doing well right now but the internet is a strange thing the internet's going to be in cars it's going to happen within the next decade within the next decade it's going to be real hard to justify paying for satellite radio because

there's going to be some someone's going to figure out programs that you could do that mimic satellite radio and they become native apps on your car whether we talked about it before whether it's pandora or when it's some new thing that we don't even know or they have that stitcher app now on your your car a lot of ford cars where you can um download podcasts directly from the thing you have favorites you save them so you can have like like stations that you could click on you can go to different podcasts all that stuff is you know it's going to be hard to compete with that. Yeah, I think you're right. And I think even less than a decade.

I think it would be a lot sooner than that before the cars have it. No, they're definitely going to have it less than a decade. But I mean, like, how much more time to Sirius? Like, I like Sirius. I like having it. I like switching to the channels and listening to different music or listening to Howard and then listening to you guys and listening to, I listen to... There's Ron and Fez. Yeah to Ron and Fez, and there's a bunch of different things you can listen to.

There's a lot of different classic vinyl stations that play cool music, you know. Ozzy's Boneyard is my favorite station anywhere. Yeah, yeah. There's some great, what is it, Lost Tracks? What is that one? Deep Tracks? Deep Tracks. Yeah.

Deep Tracks is like real obscure songs Hope he likes that one a lot too. I don't yeah I think he probably goes a little deeper music than I do up I know I don't listen I don't listen to most of the music station except Ozzy's Boneyard and occasionally hair nation I'll listen to it a 70s channel, but like when you when you really think about it the the benefit of the internet is a Bunch there's a bunch of different benefits But one of the big ones is you can be anywhere you can be in a parking garage like it's

really annoying when you're listening to a good show and then you go under a tunnel and it stops yeah because your satellite connection is gone yeah but with cellular connections you can get a cellular connection way more places you can get a cellular connection underground you can get it in parking lot structures you get a lot of different places that you can't get radio and also like what I was driving on to paying a canyon yesterday on a fucking sunny day and satellite was cut now all right yeah it's just trees just the trees like there's areas of Topanga

where you're you're driving through the canyon and there's just this canopy of trees overhead and it just blocks out the satellite. Can I piss real quick? Go piss, you son of a bitch. And let's promote Jimmy's special that is on Epyx coming up real soon. Contextually Inadequate, April 24th on Epyx. And Epyx is the same network that was airing Deep Web on May 31st, which is our friend Alex Winter, who was here yesterday. Or the day before yesterday. And so Epix is doing some fucking cool shit.

And Jim has already done one special on Epix already. So this will be his second special on Epix. Everybody asked me about tonight at the Ice House. It is sold out. Sorry, bitches. And then the next gig that we have that's a big one is in New York. That's sold out, too. That's at the, what is it called? What's the name of that joint?

What is it? The Grand Ballroom. The Grand Ballroom in New York City. So the next gig that I had that's available that actually has tickets available is the cop theater at MGM and that's on the 22nd so that's and then we'll be doing some ice house shows in town between now and then and definitely the Comedy Store and one of the things we started doing at the Comedy Store is that belly room have you done the belly room you know I don't think I have it I've done the you know what maybe I Maybe I have. What's the one that everybody, the original room?

The original room is the downstairs room that seats about, I guess, like 150. And the main room seats, I think, all full seats, 400 people. I've never done it. And then the belly room only seats like 80 or something like that. It's a tiny ass room. Like if you want to stuff people in there, you might get 90. And it's amazing. I did it last night for this Jeremiah Watkins, young kid out here, has this

show that he used to do called Thunder Pussy, where it was like a podcast that he did it. But a lot of people didn't want to do it on a podcast. They just wanted to do it on a regular show. So they stopped doing it as a podcast and now maybe he stopped. I don't know if he stopped. Yeah, but he does both. But stand up on the spot is what they call it.

And people yell out topics, and you're forced to make jokes or make fun of them. Oh, wow, cool. And everybody knows that's what it is. So they know you might stumble a little bit. Yeah, you're going to have subjects that you just don't want to have anything on. Oh, that's awesome.

But you're forced into that situation where you're trying to make comedy. And I've come up with a bunch of bits because of it, because we've done it like three or four times now. And you come up with like, you know, you might do 15 minutes. You might get three minutes out of it. We're like, wow, this has actually got potential. Hope they're good topics. Girl farts!

Oh, get out of my way. There's a lot of that. What's really hard with it that they throw out? Economics. Oh, boy. Someone yelled out space travel. You know, economics, space travel. But you're always going to have, like, you know, they don't know.

Who knows? You might, like, in that moment, like, someone could yell out economics and you have nothing. Or you could be in the right frame of mind at the right moment and you just have this idea. And then you just run with it on stage and people start laughing hilariously, hysterically you're like oh there is something in that i didn't even consider that but you're forced into this like you're forced to to run you're forced to figure out how to run right right right forced to figure out how to swim you're just thrown into the water you figure it out i like that i did one similar that paul provenza has one it was always his call set list set list and there was some really hard, weird things on there.

But that was kind of fun to go up there and just explore it and see where you go with it and where your mind works. And that's really fun shit to do. Yeah, it's fun. It's a good way to start new material to like just to get the beginnings of a new bit or the idea of a new bit. Like you got to like trick yourself, I think. Ari and I were talking about this once. If you do too many gigs, you don't live your life enough absolutely right like sometimes you just you have too much too much gigs and not

enough life nothing to feed off of Burr was saying that same thing exactly actually Burr was saying that you know sometimes he needs to do things and that's why I think he got into helicopter flying he actually was doing a bit on helicopter flying he's decided well I'll fucking actually take some lessons and then in taking lessons he actually wound up enjoying it well that's you know it's funny you said because that's another part of me not wanting to be such a piece of shit anymore sexually because you you beat you feed on only the same thing and there's nothing new coming into my life

there's no new input so there's stuff I talk about on the radio which is topical and then there's that and it's like. So there's stuff I talk about on the radio, which is topical. And then there's that. And it's like, no, man, there's a whole life out there that you're not enjoying and living. And, you know, again, I'm not crying the blues. I make good money. I have a nice apartment. Like, I've been very lucky in comedy. But it's like there's so many fun things to do.

Like, just go out with someone somewhere without a goal of sexual whatever. Or just, you know, go away for the night to a little dumb town and go shopping. Or just do some fucking dumb shit that people do that's fun that's relaxing and normal and normal human beings do not be edging not be edging it's fucking hours dude i'm telling you it fucks me up so much it's like it's like this weird uncomfortable scared feeling i get when i'm done too like i get very scared like i'm I'm exposed, man. You know what I mean? Like, oh, God, she's married.

Her fucking husband's going to find out. Like, I talked that girl into jerking me off. I gave her 500, man, but her fucking husband's going to shoot me if he finds out. You like that. I do in some ways. But as soon as you come, boy, you stop liking it. You know what I mean? Oh, God, this is fun. I'm going to get killed.

You know? It's really a fucking load coming out. out really brings you right back to reality isn't it funny though that part of being like a funny guy like the way you are is is dependent upon like impulsive behavior and thoughts like there's something about like the actual creation of a bit like an improv line a hilarious improv line a lot of that is like impulsive things sure yeah if somebody will yell something or you just think of something you say it even though if you thought it through you might not say it yeah well you tweet it which is why guys get in trouble you know what I mean it is that you like that impulsive thinking that this is the thing that that makes

you great is also the thing that would actually ruined you my favorite tweet that someone should have never done is that woman who was working for some publicity firm or something like that she flew to africa sure she's like on my way to africa i hope i don't get aids just kidding i'm white lol and then she lands and it's a national fucking scandal and she lost her job i mean what are the odds that anyone's gonna read that tweet and decide to like go after you you know what it is they were like hey let's get this publicist but what she was saying justine sacco and it was a stupid thing to say but what she's probably saying is hey white people like it's sometimes it might even be a statement about how it's unfair that only the black guys are i don't

think she meant like fuck black people or do you think she did i don't know i think she was just trying to be funny maybe i think she just thought she was being funny going to africa i. I don't think she meant like fuck black people. Or do you think she did? I don't know. No, I think she was just trying to be funny. I think she just thought she was being funny. Going to Africa, hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding, I'm white. I think she was just being an asshole. I mean, I don't mean an asshole in a bad way either. Just being funny. Yeah, being goofy

and just being an asshole. Well, that's something a comic would say. I mean, tell me a comic wouldn't say that. Absolutely. A lot of comics would say that. The thing is, I've had a weird thing, too, because you know people getting fired for tweets, and it uprooted our radio show, obviously. You know, it's very frustrating, and it's stupid. But then I hear these guys who sent these tweets to Curt Schilling's daughter.

Who's Curt Schilling? The pitcher. And he was a Red Sox pitcher. He pitched. He had the bloody sock. And he tweeted something about his daughter pitching in a college game. So these anonymous, these fucking cowards, they tweet this stuff about his daughter that's really nasty. And some of it, he said, might have been illegal because it was sexual stuff.

I don't know. But they both were up there. They found out who they were, and they were both fired from their jobs, or one was. And I was happy that they got fired because I didn't like them. But I had a real dilemma because the emotional part of me is like, good, fuck these scumbags. And then the other part of me is you shouldn't be firing people because they

say dumb shit. But then I'm like, okay, say you're a doctor and you tweet, I hate Jews. Like, does the hospital not have the right to go? We don't want you working for us.

Our Jewish clientele would legitimately not feel comfortable having you operate Jews. Like, does the hospital not have the right to go, we don't want you working for us. Our Jewish clientele would legitimately not feel comfortable having you operate on. Like, I'm just kind of in a quandary about it because I don't know how to feel about any of it now. Like, I'm such a, I'm always like, whatever you say, you shouldn't get in trouble for. I mean, there is a penalty to speech, but you shouldn't get fired for

doing dumb jokes. But if you were, say if you're working with a guy, like say you're in an office and the guy shares the office, there's a small amount of people, there's like three or four people in the office, and you guys work in and out together, day in, day out,

and one of you, you find out is sending really mean tweets to a baseball player's daughter. Really evil, vicious shit. For no reason. Like just an asshole. Doesn't know the girl. He's just an asshole. Why the

fuck would you want to work with that guy? Right, that's the truth. So why can't you fire that guy? Because that guy is negative to the environment of the office. And I'm happy he got fired again emotionally. Right. But the part of me that contradicts that is going, yeah, but that was an obvious one. Alright, the guy was

a cunt. But then there's the ones where people are just going for a joke. Like that lady. Yeah. And then she gets fired. So who makes the determination? That's what drives me crazy. I don't know how to feel about it.

I felt disloyal to my own point of view because I was like, fuck those guys. And I'm telling on myself by saying it, but I mean, I don't know. I just had a bit of a dilemma with this one lately well she was interviewed with I forget what blog excuse me I hate when I keep doing that clear my throat do I do the same thing I have to defend a fucking child rape child no I have it in there it's this yeah it's a coffee it's the butter it's the butter in the coffee and she was

talking about how it essentially uprooted her entire life. Like, she landed in Africa and didn't even realize what was going on. Slept, you know, probably took a sleeping pill. It's a long flight. Woke up, didn't even realize what she had caused. And then she had lost her job, and people hated her. People were having conversations about her on CNN, and they were calling her a piece of shit. It got ugly, like really ugly.

And she kind of went into hiding. And then she got a gig somewhere else. I don't remember where her gig is, nor would I mention it if I did know it. But she recovered. She recovered and got back on track. But she just made a careless joke. She thought she was being funny. She thought she was being silly.

And she didn't think that that many people were going to listen to it or read it. And the intent in what she's doing is different than what those guys are saying to Curt Schilling. But then there's the thing where, you know, sports guys, like you said, you think they're immune. Like, because people yell stuff all the time at sports figures. Fucking drop dead, A-Rod. You suck. You fucking. It's like, who's to say what's right?

That's where I'm kind of just, whatever. I don't even know what I'm saying, Joe. I'm just kind of, it's confusing me a little bit. No, I know exactly what you're saying. I think the sports guys, if they're saying something that's absolutely mean and vicious and nasty, and you don't want them representing your organization. So if you have an organization, if you have a team, or if you have ESPN, it makes sense to me that people are getting fired for saying

mean shit. But where is it? It gets problematic when it's a difference of opinion. And it's not necessarily a mean, insulting thing or a negative thing, but it's a philosophical difference of opinion. You know, like sometimes people say things and although it's not smart what they said, what they said probably shouldn't get them fired. Right.

There's just a gray area when it comes to some of these things. Well, if everyone was honest, I would say yeah, but they're not. What happens is a guy like Trevor Noah does his tweets a few years ago, and then they go back, and they know they're jokes, but they lie. And they go, look at this hateful thing about Jews. He doesn't lie. He's anti-Semitic. So they take things that they know are meant for jokes and they spin them into this was hate speech.

And it's almost like because they're such liars just to get a result, that's where the confusing part comes in. If it was just jokes, we're left alone. It dilutes their opinion. I'm not going to listen to anything you say. Like he had one joke. She's ten times the woman that she used to be. So I guess she's fat now?

Yeah. Like, oh, he's fat shaming. No, he's had one joke. She's ten times the woman that she used to be. So I guess she's fat now? Yeah. And like, oh, he's fat shaming. No, he's making a joke. Yes. Yeah, and are you saying that someone who's ten times the size they used to be isn't fat? Yeah. Because I say that's pretty fucking dishonest. Sure, unless they weighed six pounds at one point.

But this idea of fat shaming has been driving me fucking crazy. Like, it's not... I like the fanny pack, by the way. Thank you very much. Louis wanted to spit in my face this morning when he saw it. Dare he? I know. He said, you have a fanny pack?

I have one for you if you want one. I think you can get one. I have one of yours, too. Yeah. Nice. I like a good fanny pack. I do, as well. Empty pockets.

I forgot what I was saying. I got all excited about the fanny pack. You were talking about fat shaming. Yeah, I mean, look, man. It's not cool to be mean to people. It's not cool to point someone out and be mean to them but it's not smart to just let it go either it's not smart to just not ever talk about someone's weight like if you care about someone you should probably bring up the fact that they're morbidly obese if you can

bring it up and have them realize that there's other options out there and they change their habits that's not that's not necessarily fat shaming. If we're all ignoring fat people or ignoring people that have eating problems, we're going to ignore a serious health problem. That's as much of an addiction as what you were talking about about sex. Sure. It's the same sort of thing. They get in their head, they get sweaty thinking about ringdings and ho-hos

and cakes and burgers and just the fucking sheer joy of gluttony and giving into it. Yeah, ringdings are fucking awesome though, I gotta be honest. I have friends that have food addictions and I've been around them when they satisfy those addictions. It's like you're watching lions eat. It's the hardest of all

the food. It's fucking brutal, man. You gotta eat. You gotta eat. You have to eat. the food fucking brutal man you gotta eat you have to eat right exactly you don't have to go to hookers right well you know but some of us do joe you know i'm saying you don't like you'll live yeah if you don't get a hooker you won't live if you don't eat right you have to eat so they're like constantly dive the dancing in and out of this world that they're addicted to very hard it's like like you can't not do it. Well, I'm eating healthy. Like, I dated this gal once back in the day who had a bit of a weight problem. And she and I had a discussion about it once where I was like,

I think that you put so much emphasis on this issue. And it was a very minor weight problem. She wasn't morbidly obese by anyone's definition. But she did, like, would gain, like, a little 10 pounds here, a little minor weight problem. Well, she wasn't morbidly obese by anyone's definition. Um, but she did like would gain like a little 10 pounds here, a little 20 pounds there. And it bothered her. And what bothered her was that it would obsess her all day.

And she would talk about what she ate. I had a fat free muffin. I had a this and I had a that. And it became like almost this un, like this, this battle that she could never win. She was on this crazy yo-yo they could she just she knew that she wasn't supposed to have the ice cream so

she had to eat the ice cream you know it and then whoa the way she fixed it is yoga she started doing yoga and yoga somehow or another balanced her brain out and the effort of doing the yoga boosted her metabolism and she started eating really healthy because she got more conscious of her body but instead of just like she did she had always exercised she was always like pretty fit but she just would do like running or lift a little weights or something like this but this got her into doing yoga and then she became like really obsessed with eating healthy foods and taking care of her body.

And then she turned out great. That's great. Yeah, she figured it out. Which is cool when someone figures it out. But it was bizarre being... And I've been next to friends, like guy friends that have it. But they just go in hog wild and gluttony. But girls don't do that.

They kind of dance around it. So their food addiction is even weirder because like my friends that have food addictions, they'll indulge right in front of me. You know, like, let's go. You guys want to go to, you know, fill in the blank. Let's go get some spaghetti and meatballs. Fuck yeah. And they sit down and yeah.

And you see them indulging like, oh, this is fucking tremendous. And you know, they, they shouldn't be eating this, but they're eating it anyway. And it's hard to say something like you don't want to be the wet nurse. But then it's like, you know, I'm 46 and my friends are in their 40s. It's like, you can drop dead at this point. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You certainly can.

And have. You know, like, Artie worried me when he was in here. I was like, Jesus Christ. And I was telling him about healthy foods and, you know, he's got the pill thing, too. The heroin thing, too. And it's like, goddamn, dude, you're putting a lot of pressure on your heart. How long ago did you have him? Not long ago.

Okay, because he looks like he's lost a few pounds, actually. I saw him recently. Yeah, we did a gig in Florida, and he looks a little thinner. I'm like, you're making an effort. He's a funny fuck. Yeah, he's really funny. He's fucking funny. He was so funny on the podcast talking about sports gambling, which he's got a thing for

just as bad as you have a thing for sex. Oh, really? He fucking loves gambling. He loves gambling. And it's got a thing for just as bad as you have a thing for sex. Oh really? He fucking loves gambling and he loves gambling and it's that same thing It's that that impulsive shit that comics tend to get we there's like a lot of us get like we have real addiction problems They're really funny ones like for whatever reason like I know a lot of guys That have either a sexual addiction or some sort of drug addiction or a gambling addiction or some sort of addiction. Like it's a real common thing. I know guys that have relationship addictions where their addiction is to be constantly in conflict in their relationships.

And they never straighten it out. And they're always scared to be alone. And they're like scared, scared to lose a gal. And then they fight like cats and dogs and they always i gotta get away from her and then they never do and then they're but what you're what you're doing is the same sort of crazy thing that a food person does right where you just back and forth and back and forth and that conflict becomes like what you were talking about with the sex where you never see yourself you never see life you're looking at like you said through

a window you're never right there you're never see life. You're looking at it, like you said, through a window. You're never right there. You're never totally present. You're always involved in this inner battle. And that inner battle could be gambling. It could be beating off. It could be going to hookers. It could be doing drugs. It could be drinking. Whatever you're trying to not do becomes your thing. It could be food. Whatever you're trying to not do becomes this wrestling match that you're constantly engaged in all day. And I've had a bunch of them. I've had a bunch of them, various games. I've had a bunch of them with video games. Oh, yeah.

With playing pool. Like real bad, man. With video games, it was real bad. I would be sitting there talking to somebody, and I'd be like, this is so much more boring than playing a video game. I want to go play a video game right now. And I just wanted to get away and go play a video game and I would just go into my office and shut the door and just Like finally put the headphones on and then I would play and then I realized like wow this is like I'm in I'm doing

I'm an addict here. How long would you play for like what's the long period time eight ten hours Wow? Yeah, twelve sometimes I would do twelve. I would do like six at night to six in the morning easy like fueled with caffeine Almost feeling I had a heart attack. I used to buy these sodas I forget the the company that made them they were really cool and some of them were blue some of them had jalapeno in them some of them had like extreme amounts of caffeine in them and guarana and all these. And they had like skulls and all these different weird artsy labels. And there was this supermarket in North Hollywood that used to sell them down the street from my apartment.

And I would go and I would buy them by the fucking crate. I would buy like everything they had when they would get new shipments in. I even contacted the people that made the soft drink. They had a warehouse in the factory. And I said, can I come to your warehouse and just buy some cases of your shit? And it had like all sorts of different hot peppers in it and crazy, but it was super caffeinated and I would drink this stuff and just play video games just all night. How long did you do it for? That's the shit. No, that's not it actually. Green apple, jalapeno soda. Um, it looked a little bit like the stuff in the upper left hand.

There was a bunch of different ones, but they had, like, skulls and all kinds of weird shit all over the labels. How many years ago was this? This was in the 90s. And how long did you do it for? I think I quit video games altogether around 2000. I quit video games altogether around 2000. I think I realized I started playing like every now and again in like the early two thousands, I would play like a little over here and then, but I didn't take, I never, I never got into it seriously again. And then I completely stopped playing them around 2002. Do you look at the graphics now and go like, Oh yeah, I get scared. Yeah. It's,

here's the thing about it. If you're a gamer and you're like, what the fuck's wrong with you? You know, you play, you do a lot. You're right. There's nothing wrong with playing video games. They're fun as hell Yeah, the problem is if you have some other stuff that you want to do in your life You got to know like what you like if I get addicted to Jujitsu. Here's a perfect example I can't do Jujitsu, but an hour and a half a day you get exhausted like you can your body Just can't keep up you can't keep doing it like you there's only a certain amount of hours in a day that you could roll because you're straining you're fucking cardio and you're you're trying to survive and you're trying to kill and you're fucking constantly moving and you're constantly trying to you know

better your position and defend and after a while you're done you're done you can't it's not like that with video games with video games if you're addicted to it you fucking can play eight ten hours a day it's not a problem if you get the right caffeine in you and you got a right the right kind of addictive game especially if you have friends and you're playing together we said play bland parties we used to get there and link all of our computers together. Oh my God. We'd be up for days. People would just, I would go to Houston and have gigs in Houston. A lot of the guys would be

from Houston. We'd meet in Houston and we'd link up our computers together and we would play for fucking hours and hours and hours and we'd come day after day. We'd have like a two or three day thing where we'd all get together. Just burn out. Yeah. Junk food,

chips, Mountain Dew, whatever the fuck kind of caffeine you can get into your system. It's just too fun. It's a really fun thing to do. Yeah, but I played Asteroids when I was a kid. I was very addicted. I'm of that ilk, so I never got into them as an adult.

Yeah, well, I think they can get there, but as a form of entertainment, they're fucking awesome and even better today than ever before. You know, it's funny, because I was in one of the Grand Theft Autos, I had like a little line or whatever, and I tried playing it. Laszlo, this guy Laszlo, came in to Opie and Anthony, and I kept,

I played it at home once, I backed into the fence six times and said, fuck this. I am such an uncoordinated twat that I just couldn't make it work thank I literally look back on that I go thank God you backed out of the fence because I literally I know that it would have been fun well once you figure out how to use the controllers in a video game and really they become like a part of the way you move like with quake every guy

had like a script that he would run that he would load up like a profile script for the speed of your mouse, for the shape of your character, for your name, and you can upload it. Like you could have it as a text file on your computer and you upload it into the game, and then like that would be like your speed of your mouse. Some people like the mouse to move really fast. Some people like the mouse to move really slow. Some people like an extended view. Like your POV could change. Like your pov could be either 90 or 120 some guys would spread it out and give you like a fisheye lens and allow you to see more shit on your screen and some guys

like that and some guys didn't but it was this thing that it became like really specific so that you got super used to the amount of movement that you would do with your fingers and how that would calculate into movement on screen, and your brain synced up to it. So then you didn't even think about moving your fingers. It just automatically happened. And when you're playing 8, 10 hours a day, day after day after day, it becomes like really becomes part of second nature. Anthony's a big gamer, and he would always play on the computer. He preferred that to Joyce, and I never could understand playing on the computer.

Left, right, this key, this key, this key. I couldn't get it. Well, the reason is, when you use a mouse, a mouse and a keyboard is the most accurate form of controller for video games so far. Oh, okay. Like, you can get a lot done with one of those Xbox controllers, but you're never going to get the type

of pinpoint accuracy in like a first-person shooter, especially that you can with a mouse. With a mouse, you could turn around and like look at a guy like there's certain guys that would play like there's this kid used to call him fatality he's called himself fatality and the eye and fatality was like on number one and he is like a world champion Quake player and when you would watch him play he would make these split second turns and shoot guys in the face that were falling off of buildings like guys would like be jumping off of buildings and he would spin and in midair they would explode and

He just had this this super tight tuned in Sense of what the cursor was doing on the screen as he was moving. And if you watch some of the really high-level Quake guys, when they would play in what these things are called, they're called demos, and they could make a demo, and then they could upload the demo, and you could watch a match take place from their point of view. Right. And you could see how well they move in the game, and it was just like, my God. Like, when you get to the really high levels of the game, it's insanely adrenaline-filled,

because you're going down dark corridors, people are shooting at you, you're shooting at them, your health is deteriorating before your eyes, you're running to try to get more health, you're running to try to get armor and new weapons, and you're trying to control the map and waiting for the new weapon to respawn. You've got to get to this area within five seconds, you have to time it all out in your head, you have to know the map inside and out. It becomes insanely addictive. this area within five seconds, you have to time it all out in your head, you have to know the map inside and out. It becomes insanely addictive.

And the rush, the actual rush that you would get from these games is incredible. I mean, it's just adrenaline pumping, heart beating, three-dimensional graphics, sound, you have headphones on, so you hear three-dimensional sound. Like, if you hear something to the right, that means someone is to your right. Like, they are actually to your right in the game. You run towards them and there's these corridors and it's amazing. It's an amazing game. And then there I am. That's just one of them.

Backing into the fence and saying, fuck it, I can't do it. What's probably good for you. Very good. I lost years of my life playing those games. I mean, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, but I guarantee I lost years of my life. It also coincided with a, but I guarantee I lost years of my life. It also coincided with a time where I wasn't writing many jokes, coincidentally.

Right, right. Yeah, sometimes if something becomes obsessive, there's a balance. I want to have more fun stuff in my life that I do that's healthy and normal, but I don't want to get addicted to anything else. I don't want to put down one addiction, and I hope I can just stay away from this one for a while. I've been keeping a running tally. It's the first time I ever did

that. A running tally financially. Really? Yes. Of how much you're spending on that stuff? That's quite a bit, huh? It's not, I mean, it's not, you know, I put it this way, in a year, if I spent more than Charlie Sheen, sure. I mean, that one year that he talked $50,000 in a year, I was like,

that's nothing. I wouldn't say it's nothing, but I've done more, and I don't make make charlie sheen money wow um not every year and not up to this point this year well if you can replace it with something isn't that what your mom wants to tell you that you know mom left dr phil said you can go to the gym and that was in 2003 i put that on my second cd um mother made a very good point she said just go to the gym. And that was in 2003. I put that on my second CD. Mother made a very good point. She said, just go to the gym. You can meet nice girls. Instead of seeing the ladies of the evening, get in shape.

And she was right. I did do that. She called it ladies of the evening too, right? I don't know. I forget what it was called. Yeah, I don't remember what she called it. I might even have it on my phone. But if you picked up a game, I hate to say it, but even golf.

Golf becomes very addictive. It takes a lot of time. Guys do it for long hours in the day. But it's also fun. You go with your buddies. You go with Voss. He could annoy you all day. Voss plays basically every fucking day, right? But I don't sleep well enough to pull it off either.

My sleep's a big issue. And I feel like this is why I get so frustrated and angry and just self-hating, because I try to do the right thing. Like, I'll put the mask on. Big boy went, got his test. I went to three apnea tests. Still can't do it. Claustrophobic.

I fucking finally fall asleep. And then I hear... And I realize that the air is blowing out the side of the mask. It's like everything, nothing sinks upright despite my best efforts. And it's almost like you're always taught if you do the right thing, the right thing. I've done all the legwork, and I'm still getting fucking dog shit results, and it makes me nuts. It makes me so, I want to smash my face through a fucking window because I've done the right stuff, and I still can't fall asleep. And your sleep, maybe someone listening to this can shed some light or help you out in some sort of a way.

Probably not, though, because I bet you've talked about this on the radio enough times, where someone has explored all the options with you. Yeah, I have something called complex apnea. It's central apnea, and it's obstructive. Like, I was falling asleep on the plane. I flew out here today, and it felt like someone put a sock in my mouth. It was like, it was like my fucking dumb tongue lolled back over my throat.

But if it's not that, like I have a mouth guard I use, not the one you use, but I have one that does hold my jaw forward, then it's the central apnea, where my tongue's not blocking things, my brain just goes, don't breathe, and I don't breathe. So the ASV machine I have, which I've tried CPAP and APAP and BiPAP and all that shit. ASV is the combination that, that, that's supposed to work with complex

apnea. It's very, very intuitive machine. Like it really picks up your breathing and it works with you. Even that I can't sleep with. God damn. It stinks. So when you put that thing on that you just can't get a good night's sleep at all? No, because I get claustrophobic. I claustrophobic. Cause the mask is on your face? Yeah, it drives me nuts. I'm stuffy. My douchey nose is stuffy. Fucking Jimmy Norton's cunt nose is stuffy.

It makes me so frustrated. And you think that the nose thing has something to do with allergies? Yeah, big thing. Big thing. I mean, you know, I think so. Are we all crazy? Are all comics crazy? Yeah, but I mean, like, literally.

Yeah. I'm not getting the air in there, physically it's the truth, you know Yes, I think those things are both true I think we are all nuts, and I do think that I just can't breathe well Do you monitor your diet to keep your diet free of things that cause inflammation or anything along those lines? Probably, you know what's funny, I have a feeling that certain things do it Like wheat probably does it to me I know when I eat sushi, I'm a throat-clearing jerk-off. But I eat things like even the fat.

Anything milk-oriented bothers me. So certain foods I can avoid, and that makes it easier. I use a Breathe Right Strip. Does that help? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, that plus the mouth guard. The one you got, I want to try to get. But because I have central apnea, too, it won't fix it.

But the mouth guard has changed my life a little bit because it does keep my throat open. So like a lot of times I am probably choking far less often. Like that I, you know what I mean? That I would be normally. So it's helped me a lot. But, you know, I just talked about this on the radio the other day with Opie. Like one of the reasons when Opie and Anthony had their fight recently.

I missed that fight. I heard Opie talking about it. You know what? I heard you talking about Opie crying on the radio talking about it. I missed the whole thing. Anthony had said some shit about Opie and Opie had responded. What did they say?

What the hell did Anthony say? He was just talking about how it was difficult to work with him all these years and the Ope had responded. But you know. What? What did they say? What the hell did Ant say? He was just talking about how it was difficult to work with him all these years and the stuff with his girlfriend. He went through a history of why there's bad blood. It just got to the point where I could tell on Twitter that those guys were gonna go. I could sense it. And I never said to Ant, are you gonna badmouth Opie? I never said to Opie

what are you feeling? But I could see through their tweets that some things that either one of them were saying were being misinterpreted. It was just going to happen. So Ant, you know, Opie said a few things on Twitter or on the show that Ant, I think, misinterpreted or even interpreted right and got mad. A combination

of both. So whatever, they're fucking snipping at each other. And then when Opie went back at him the next day, like after Ant really said some stuff on the Compound show, Opie came back and he was pissed off. And I was in a weird position only because I'm like, I'm not going to sit here and just play devil's advocate for Anthony

because Ant needs to do that. They need to do that together. And it almost seemed unfair for me to just sit there and now argue with Opie like I'm Anthony's mouthpiece. And so I even said I didn't want to do that. There was a couple of points I clarified things that I thought Ant had made a valid point about.

But I wasn't going to just sit there and argue with Opie over it. Let him and Ant fucking do that shit. I'm not that codependent. It's like, let them fuck it.

But Ope got like a more, it was legit too. People thought it might have been manipulative, but I watched it happen. And you know, nobody wants to do that shit. Like that's embarrassing shit

when you're, especially a fucking audience like that. Nobody wants to, you know. Sob on the end shit. Like, that's embarrassing shit when you're, you know, especially a fucking audience like that. Nobody wants to, you know. Sob on you. It's fucking awful. Did he sob? It wasn't, yeah, it was a little bit. If I only had a heart.

It wasn't that bad, but he kind of caught himself and he didn't want it. It was like, you know, it was like a little bit. But he just, you know, he was over remembering nice stuff. He was remembering nice shit. And I forget what I was going to, what was I saying? I was just talking about something. Why did I go down this road? I don't remember either.

I was talking about my breathing and about my fucking, why did I go down this road? You're talking about Opie bad-mouthing them, that they fought back and forth. No, but there was a reason I went down that road that made me think of those guys. And I don't remember what it was. Are there people listening online? Does anybody know? I legitimately just lost my place. I was thinking... Someone will say it right now on Twitter. Yeah, like what was I saying

that made me... Because there was a reason I went down the road about them fighting about something that got talked about. It was something I said after or something I thought of that one of them said. I don't know. God damn it. I don't know what it was. I had no...

Me going down that road was spawned by thinking of something else. Motherfucker. God damn it. I'm waiting for someone to put it up. I am too. Maybe there's a one minute... Oh, I'm looking at Chip's tweets. No wonder I'm not getting any fucking real information Chips that mentions you have to twit chip is a separate character that you tweet through him and Edgar both have their own Twitter of course

Chip has 44,000 followers chip is a you know yeah, he's a fucking he's a force. Let me see here Chip is a, you know, yeah, he's a fucking, he's a force. Let me see here. Now on Jim Norton's, let's see how many. I'm trying to see if anybody's mad. Apologize for stalling like this. That's hilarious. I didn't mean to go down that road.

Someone will find it. We're going to get corrected online. But I want to know because there was a point I was making. You're talking about the mask? Yeah. You said you spoke about the mask on the show. You're talking about it on the show? No, but I don't know.

I went down the Opie and Anthony thing, there was something I was thinking, and I literally just lost my place. That's how tired I am. I don't know. You know, let me tell you something. Maybe it'll help you. You know, what I really liked is that fucking thing that you wrote about Trevor Noah.

Oh, thank you. That thing you wrote for Time Magazine. Thank you. That was really smart. Thanks, Joe. And really appropriate. And exactly, you were exactly right. The outrage was manufactured. It's recreational outrage. They found something, a green light to be a dick about, and they decided to be a dick about it.

And you wrote a really well thought out piece about that. Thank you. Yeah, it was just the... Trevor Noah isn't the problem, you you are it's kind of hard sometimes like the good thing about writing is you have a time to edit and you can get your thoughts in a row instead of just reacting angrily you know like you have like a flood of thoughts come norman lear explained this best like he when you have a bunch of thoughts and you just you want to get them all out like there's been certain things i wanted to write about but i couldn't because you get blocked by the frustration what do i want to say and

norman lear said his therapist said to him years ago picture it like a room that's on fire do we talk about this he said when you when everybody rushes for the door they get stuck but if everybody walks out of the room one at a time everyone gets out and then you can section them off into people by height and people by color and couple them. That's the way it is with thoughts. So it's almost like all this frustration. I'll just talk it into this thing. But I just get it the fuck out one at a time, one at a time, and then formulate it.

Because something like that where you have so many feelings about it, it's hard not to try. We try hard not to be self-righteous as comedians. You really try just to make your thoughts known. We all fall into it once in a while. Every person does. But it's hard not to try. We try hard not to be self-righteous as comedians. You really try just to make your thoughts known. We all fall into it once in a while. Every person does. But it's hard. You don't want to because that's a dick quality. Yeah, well, there's a balancing act when you're creating something.

It's like, what tone am I trying to set here? What's the best way to get this thought out where it's got the most impact? How do I really feel about it versus what's the most entertaining version of it that i could say you know how much should i twist it for just for humor how much should i fuck around with it you know it's and it's that's the beautiful thing about stand-up is that it's all coming from your direction you can decide where to take it and tweak it and so you're going to have those little battles in your head about where to take things. Yeah.

I mean, but it's like you, when they, I always write stuff. It's funny. This is why fans are great. Because I wrote that piece and then I get, people get mad at me. Why didn't you write one about Ant? So first of all, I've talked about him on stage and he's in my special. Second of all, they didn't ask me to. I don't, I don't call them and ask.

They just ask me, you know, I've turned them down for things I didn't think I was qualified to write about. I'm like, no, I'm not going to address that. So how does that go? They say, would you like to write something about Trevor Noah? Do you have a relationship with them when they do that? Yeah, they'll write to me and say, would you write something about Trevor? Or they've written me, when Robin died, they're like, would you like to write something? I'm like, yeah.

But they asked me about Joan Rivers. I said, no. Only because I loved her, but I just felt like so many people Are going to be eulogizing Let people who are better qualified To do it Because I really didn't know her So if Joan Rivers was like Patrice

You would have written something Oh of course If they asked me to Right But again you have You know I just It was only like

I didn't know her well enough And I would have been talking about her But not from a knowledgeable point of view As someone who Interacted with Joan a lot Right I was a huge fan I was bummed out

that I never got to meet her. I really wish I got to meet her. I was supposed to do a In Bed With Joan. I think they called it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a podcast that you climb in bed with her and, you know, she would interview you from bed and, you know, you just laugh around and joke around with her. I would have loved to have done it, but

for whatever reason, scheduling-wise, it had to be moved around and and then obviously she died but it was quite a while after that first time i met joan rivers i was on a flight coming i loved her so i was on a flight coming from um west palm beach and i see joan get on the plane and she's two seats in front of me and her assistant recognized me so as we're getting on the plane she's sitting there and she doesn't look up and I just said like you know hi I'm a comedian that's just you're just you're awesome I just think you're great she said thank you and she's just you know she's like you don't look funny I'm like well not you know she was just so I sat down in

moments like that I'm terrible by the way I'm the worst fun banter guy ever I stink fun banter with anyone on I stink at fun banter with anyone. On elevators, my ex would laugh at me because somebody would walk on and go like, oh boy, this elevator's slow.

And I'd just go, yes, it is. Like I'm a humorless cunt. But it's not, I just panic. So I sat down and then her assistant came over with a piece of the New York Times

and he handed it to me. He's like, Joan said you looked like you needed something to read. So she gave me a piece of her paper and I wanted to take a photo with her. I'm like, can we take a photo after the plane landed? And she goes, yeah, but not here. So she walked me up to the

top and she goes, hop on. And she had one of those things that they zip through the airport with. And she gives me a ride on her fucking thing. We speed through the airport and then we took a photo. Not a good photo of either one of us. But I eventually got her to sign it from someone else.

And I had met her a couple of times after that and said brief hellos. I don't think she remembered me. And the last time I spoke to her, I went to Louis C.K. Head on Thanksgiving two years ago. He had Joan Rivers at his house. He had Philip Seymour Hoffman at his house. And he invited me. And I said hi to her. Wow, you went to a dinner party with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joan Rivers at Louis C.K.'s

house. That's an amazing story. Well, this is why Louis would tell a great story. This is why Louis is so incredible, because he's unafraid. Someone told me, I think Nick DiPaolo was there, Bobby Kelly was so funny that day. I panic. I'm just looking at Philip Seymour Hoffman. I said, I'll introduce myself.

But I'm not good in those moments. Bob Kelly's just, be a fucker, he's breaking balls. He's the big, funny, ox, shit-talker, bully guy. Moments like that, I really love Bobby, because he's so good at being funny in those moments. You know, like the ball-breaker from Boston that he is? And Bobby's a guy who, in those moments, no matter who the guy is who tries to alpha Bob, Bob is a Yorkshire Terrier who would be slaughtered by a pit bull.

Because Bob's a guy who really doesn't back off from anybody. Like, that's why he's funny. Because, like, someone tries to alpha him and be funny, and Bob, hey, not there. And he's just, you know. But that works for him. You know what I mean? So I really admired Bobby that day because he was so funny in front of Philip Seymour Hopp and all these other people.

And Ellen Burstyn was there. And I'm just staring at her like, she was in The Exorcist. Yeah, she was in The Exorcist. She played the mother in The Exorcist. Really? Yeah. What a bizarre party. Louis knows the fucking weirdest people.

That sounds awesome. And he was making Thanksgiving and Joan was helping him. What? I think Nick DiPaolo told me that Louis had never done this. That's why he's got such courage, because he'll do something like that. That's why his show works, because he takes risks. You know, I'm fucking, I'm Samuel the Shy Sea Lion. I just want to sit back until it's all in a row and everything's fucking organized.

So this was a Thanksgiving dinner party? This was Thanksgiving, two years ago. Whoa. And Philip showed up with his kids. Whoa. That sounds amazing. Yeah, Parker Posey was there. Holy shit.

And fucking, by the way, I'm at the cappuccino machine. Bobby and I are trying to make cappuccino, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman comes over, and I'm just like, look, we're making cappuccino. I'm so starstruck, like a cunt. And Bob's just being funny. Bob's just being him in that moment. He's able to be him and be funny. And I was fucking so jealous of Bob that he could be so funny there. But anyway,

Joan was there and I was just in awe of her. I couldn't even speak to her. She was there with Melissa and it's when she walked out. This was pre or post meeting her on the plane? Oh, post. All of it was post. So she left and I said goodbye and it was nice seeing you, Joan. And she was like, okay. Like literally she had no recognition

of me. And I saw Louie after that and I was like, God, it really hurts my feelings that she doesn't know who I am. And I'm not like that around any comedian. I'm not uncomfortable around comedians. I'm not nervous around comedians. Because I figure we all know each other in some way. Right. But around her, I was always, like, fucking head down.

I was like John Candy in Stripes when Larraket's yelling at him. Shut up. Okay, sure. I always had, like, that thing with Joan Rivers. I didn't want her to not like me because she was just such a fucking icon. And what did Louis say when you told him that? He was nice, though. He was smart. You've got to remember

Louis is so logical. Louis is like, she's fucking an 80-year-old woman. But that's how he is. You forget because she's had work done. She's fucking 80. She doesn't know anybody. And I'm like, he's right. Even though she was still fucking totally sharp.

But she was an 80-year-old woman at that time. So, of course, you know, maybe like the faces didn't ring as much of a bell as they should have. Well, she's also insanely famous for so many fucking years. Where she's probably all day talking to people that want a piece of her. Yes. All day they want to talk. They want pictures, they want this, they want that. She probably just can't remember it all. It's 50 fucking years of that in show business.

Yeah, everybody, and that's how it was for me with Ozzy Osbourne. Like, I met Ozzy so many times. And when he finally knew me, like, and I knew he knew me. Hey, man. But I knew it was really like, hey, man, you look great. How are you? And it was like, it was like really the way I would greet Joe Rogan. Like, it was just a buddy.

And like, when that happened, I was like, my fucking life is good. But Joe and I never had that. And I wish I had. Because she's one of my, she was one of my longest running idols. I really loved her. She was, and not just because she don't, someone to die, everybody whacks us poetic about them. But I thought she was fucking great. She's a ballsy lady. She was a very ballsy lady. Very

brave. She was braver than any of us because she never said she was sorry. And she had so much to lose as far as, you know, I mean, I interviewed one time, what was his name? Henry Bushkin. He was Johnny's old lawyer. Carson's old lawyer. And he wrote a book recently. I wonder how Carson would have felt about him, the old the old lawyer writing a book but he told all the old stories

and i asked him about joan rivers and he had a very interesting perspective on how carson never would have he said he wouldn't care he said carson didn't think she would last in late night because she was a little too abrasive to be watched every like you know johnny was a smart fucking guy but henry bushkin was a really well didn't he take carson go bad on her didn't they have some sort of a falling out? Well, Johnny was apparently a cold mother. His mother was really cold. And boy, did it not...

The apple didn't fall far from the tree. Really? He would do... Joan, this is what I... Joan got the show. And her husband, Edgar, said she should do her own talk show. I believe it started at 11 or 11.30. It was up against Johnny.

She did it because she was never considered for the permanent guest host job. Right. And she was hurt by that. And she had had a career. But apparently they had hung out with Johnny and not told him that she and I think if she had walked up to Carson and said, Johnny, look, I have this opportunity. According to Henry Bushkin, Johnny's lawyer, Johnny would have wished her well because he didn't think he didn't think she had the longevity in late night just because of how she was and he might have been right because you look at carson was so easy breezy and he had that fucking way and he lasted and joan's show lasted a little bit but it didn't last so i don't know but uh i guess he felt that she had betrayed him and he never spoke to her again and i think I think she tried to call him once, and he hung up on her, and never.

She said she sent him a note when his son died. His son drove off a cliff and died. No response. He was a cold motherfucker, Johnny, man. When he was done with you, he was done. Fucking finished. His son drove off a cliff? Well, by mistake.

I think it was an accident. I don't think it was a suicide. His son, Chris. And I also heard that fucking when Johnny was eulogizing his son on The Tonight Show, fucking Fred DeCordova, who was his exec producer, gave him the rap sign to move it because a commercial was coming. And I heard that Carson never forgave him either. And he was never allowed on the floor of The Tonight Show again. Johnny banished him to upstairs. Which, again, these are just third and fourth hand shit stories.

Let's say them anyway. Absolutely. Repeat them as gospel. Don't you snopes this. But the fact that you fucking, no, those are true, but the fact that you, almost like with TV people, what are you thinking when this guy who is such a god on television is fucking eulogizing his son

and you're wrapping him up. What are you thinking? That fucking pampers can't wait five minutes? Like, what's going to happen to the show if you let him go? Speaking of what's going to happen to the show, this one has to end. Yes, it does. We've been talking for a while. This is good, though. Yeah.

We've got to do this more often. I love it, dude. When I'm out here, I love doing you, and it's my favorite one to do. I mean, I love Adam, but you I know for so many years, so this is the most fun I have. We've known each other a long fucking time, dude. Like I said, we met like what, 90, 91 or something like that? Mid-90s, yeah, doing the quarterdeck in. I still remember I told you, I remember your Mike Tyson joke

about how scary it must have been when fucking Mike showed up and Brad Pitt was with him. You're like, I can't talk to you for a second. And you did the Mike Tyson impression. And you were very funny and you were very animated and a very powerful comic. I know you use that word a lot, but that was how you struck me early on. You had a tremendous amount of fucking force on stage.

And I was up there just meek, doing high energy fucking faggoty Jimmy. How we doing? Like me. How we doing? I always liked you. Thank you. I always thought you were funny. You were very nice.

But it's interesting when you've gone through a journey like that with someone, when you've been friends since you were both starting out. Yeah. You know, it's weird. It's weird when you go back and you look at all the time that's passed and how much each one of us have evolved and grown. You know, it's cool to see someone that you started out with being really successful, too. I'm really psyched for you.

Thank you, man. Yeah, I hope people like the new special. They're going to love it. They love you. Oh, I hope so. You're one of the best comics working today. Thank you. I really for you. Thank you, man. Yeah, I hope people like the new special. They're gonna love it. They love you. You're one of the best comics working today. I really believe that. Thank you very much. One of the best comics in the world. Ladies and gentlemen, Jim Norton, one of the best comics in the world.

You could get him on Twitter, Jim Norton on Twitter. You could fucking email him. He'll email you back if you're not a douchebag. That's the real Jim Norton at Gmail. You can see the special April 24th. Friday night. Friday night, April 24th on Epyx.

And EpyxHD.com, I think, if you don't get Epyx. Glorious. Thank you, my brother. Thank you, buddy. Always good hanging with you. Yes. I can't believe I can't remember the line. Thank you.