The Joe Rogan Experience - #636 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: April 20, 2015

Bryan Callen is an actor and stand-up comedian, and together with Brendan Schaub he also hosts "The Fighter & The Kid" podcast available on Spotify. http://bryancallen.com

Oh shit, we're live! Beatboxing, Brian Callen shows another hidden skill. This last weekend we just learned he speaks fluent gay rapist French. Je parle français, c'est vrai, mon ami. One of the hardest things I ever laughed at is you doing your French rapist character talking to Steve Vanilla about explaining to him how to assuming you were saying tighten up his ass because you were going to come inside of it. Something like that.

But you were doing it all in perfectly enunciated French. That's right. I think you shocked him. I did. I think he did not know. He was laughing so hard he was actually crying. The camera guy, the camera guys who are pros, these guys are goddamn pros. Yeah.

They keep it together. The guy gave in and was laughing out loud while holding the camera. He was like, ah! He couldn't help it. We were all crying. And also, he knew this was never going to get on the fucking Sportsman Channel. It's not going to get on the Sportsman Channel. I wish they would release it on the web. The ravine comer?

Why don't we have those? The footage is there. I think there's some concern that the hunting folk would abandon us. Oh, because they don't like French rapists and ravine comers? The hunting folk don't like these goddamn comedians coming in and gaying up our fine American pastime. The hunting folk. Oh, man. Some of the hunting folk. Look, most hunting people are like most people most people are cool as fuck

I maintain this I really do believe this I believe that most people are great It is a very small percentage of people it took me a long ass time to figure this out just the sheer numbers It's just that when something goes wrong It's so disturbing for us that we get upset and we lump all other folks Into the same category that that person came from almost to protect ourself Yeah, and we you know, it's a prejudice and like having a pregnant prejudice towards Uh people who live in the south or having a prejudice towards, uh, you know anything It's all the same any kind of prejudice like it's not against another team

They're fans. It's not a nicer prejudice Because they just have a southern accent They live down there And you think it's cute to think they're retarded No that's god damn prejudice Those are people If you thought they were retarded because they were black You'd be a piece of shit

But you can think that they're retarded Just because they talk like this Some of them that talk like this Are actually super intelligent people They choose to keep their accent. I've spoken to professors that are like a strong Houston, Texas accent.

And the guy was genius as fuck. Exactly. Smarter than me. We are tribal. People are just tribal. It's really easy to do that. Those guys over there, I don't like people from West Virginia or whatever. I don't like them goddamn comedians. They're smoking weed and they're talking hunting, and that's not what hunting's about.

What hunting's about is how I do it. I get up in the morning and I face the east. Or is that Muslims? No, that's Muslims. Now you're a traitor, and now you just exposed yourself. No, no, no, no, no. You exposed yourself. I meant I praise Jesus to the east, west, north, and south.

You said the east. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not an... I swear to God, I am not a pale-faced terrorist. I think you are. What is that expression? There's an expression. Oh, clean skin.

Clean face? Clean skin terrorist? I don't know. I haven't heard of it. That expression is for, like, the Timothy McVeighs. Oh. The ones you don't see coming. Because they look like good old-fashioned American boys.

Yep. Yeah, what is the term? See if you can find what that term is. Militia. I think it's called clean skin terrorist. That's what they they think of as like some homegrown nutty dude. I was listening to this fucking radio lab podcast about these dudes, these white supremacist dudes that were planning this mass murder and they were infiltrated by the FBI. Jesus.

It was fascinating, man. God damn, that National Public Radio Podcast Radio Lab is one of the best things ever. Not just like on podcasts, but as far as like, as a movie. If it was a movie, it would be one of the best things ever. If it was a TV show, it would be one of the best things ever. You turned me on to two things when we were hunting. Dan Carlin's Hardcore History. I'm obsessed.

By the way, you want to talk about a guy doing the world a service. If you want to learn history, and you're talking to a history major. I read all the books, blah, blah, blah. I take courses from the teaching company. If you want to learn history, go to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History. I have never. I've listened to great professors. I've never heard anybody kind of break down history as a story where you just can't wait for the next podcast.

And then Radiolab, which I've always listened to NPR, and sometimes they have those on there, but Radiolab is pretty amazing. It's off the charts amazing. It's so good. So it is clean-skinned. A clean-skinned terrorist is a potential attacker with a spotless record whose

documents don't arouse suspicion. Wow. Well, you gotta think, gotta think like every terrorist every dude who blows a fuse there has to be like there's a moment Where you could get to like a certain age you could be like pretty nutty and get to a certain age without a criminal record Yeah, and then you all the time you're like building up for the one big nutty event Those are the scary guys that inside live inside and then they're just waiting for action yeah they're terrified and they just they're fantasizing they're going over in their head going over their head and then they finally explode now how do those guys get made is that nature or nurture isn't that isn't that the

ultimate question because if we could stop all people that would wantonly want to create war for profit, if we could stop all people that would act in the name of global aggression for financial gain, if we could stop all that, we would all do it, and then we would have a way crazier world. If we had a world where everybody was basically really nice... Yeah. Although you're suggesting, and the way you frame that is you're assuming that people that are aggressive or create aggression or are the aggressors

are doing it only for, and a lot of people think this, only for certain negative things like money, conquest, territory. The problem is that aggression a lot of times can be fostered in groups of people if they think that another country is actually going to hurt them in the future it can be very much useful in a self-defense capacity or at least justified that way and always

has been absolutely and i so i don't think you'll ever get i don't think you'll ever get rid of aggression and you probably shouldn't i think it's part of the order of the universe. What I think you have to do is this. The biggest threat is, you know, one thing that's always kind of confounding about life is that it takes so long to build something. It takes so long to build a complete human being. It takes so long to build something like the Sistine Chapel, and it's so easy to destroy. It takes so long to build something like the Sistine Chapel, and it's so easy to destroy. One motivated fanatic with a large enough bomb on his back could blow up St. Peter's Cathedral or could kill I don't know how many people.

And that's what's so hard is that the things that take so long to build are so easy to destroy. And as technology grows, it's going to become more and more a factor and more and more of a reality where one person or a small group can get their hands on devastating technology to destroy something impossibly huge. So that's the bigger question. I think aggression is always going to be around. And when you say, I wonder how those people are made, I don't know that it's going to be done by that one crazy, because one crazy can't get his hands on massive amounts of weaponry. He's usually one guy, and he carries a gun, and he does enough damage. Well, how about these kids in the Boston bombings?

I mean, they were fairly clean-skinned terrorists, right? They were, and they didn't do—they killed, I think, six people. I can't remember what the thing is, but that's always tragic. killed, I think, six people. I can't remember what the thing is, but that's always tragic. What I'm saying is that the bigger threat is less aggression and more sort of warped ideology that moves and motivates a large group of people into aggression. Right. That's what I worry about. And that's where I think, you know... But when you say aggression, you don't mean aggression like hostile takeover of countries

type aggression. You mean just like male behavior Like what do you mean when you say? aggression aggression in this context is Took a military a military sense something that causes massive destruction irreparable harm to infrastructure and to Populations and then for example what's going on in Iraq with ISIS, right? When you hear the news, if you just listen to the news, ISIS is this terrible group of fanatics.

Yes, they are, and they kill lots of people. It's a much deeper problem. They're talking about, what do you do about ISIS? Well, do you bomb the shit out of them? The problem is they're ingrained in the Sunni towns and population, and they have a lot of support by the Sunnis. Why? Why do these fanatical guys have

support from the sunni population has nothing to do with whether those sunni people who are good people like you just said most people are really good people they are they are giving support to a fanatical group of people because they are their best hedge and their best bet against what's called shia aggression in their eyes so the shia the shia who dominate the south of Iraq, who sit on most of the oil down there, if the Sunnis don't cut out a little place for themselves using this crazy group called ISIS, they could be left in the future in real fucking trouble. And so again, now we're talking about they're using aggression in their eyes as a form of self-defense. If you were a Sunni Iraqi, you'd have a very different idea and context of what ISIS is, as opposed to you and I who get our information.

And again, there's nothing to admire about those guys. They're ruthless killers. But it's just interesting that you and I look at that as aggression on one side. A lot of those people are using ISIS as self-defense. Aggression is justified. Yeah, they're terrible, but we need them against the Shia. It's hard for someone who lives in California in 2015 to wrap their head around what's going on in other parts of the world right now. I mean, even what I've seen of it i haven't seen enough my my seeing of it is all two-dimensional you know i couldn't imagine i couldn't

fucking imagine and it's one of the biggest problems we we're gonna have with people that have seen it and don't have to imagine anymore trying to forget it trying to be normal again and you you ask a fucking hell of a lot of people, and how do you help them through that? And what kind of counseling, mental health counseling? I hope it's comprehensive. It's a really good question, because they always say after a war, and after the revolution, and after whatever happens and a country settles, everybody always forgets about the victims. There's never really any kind of infrastructure to help people in Sierra Leone that got their arms hacked off,

that saw their kids killed in front of them and stuff like that. Is it possible that because of the ability that we have right now to translate languages so quickly, which is really unprecedented, something that people don't think about that much, but there's all sorts of software now just on a regular phone that can look at images and translate them to english on your screen they you could have asked questions and have those questions immediately translated into spanish there's all these programs they have now like it's it's way easier to understand other languages than it ever has been before like to decipher actual text in real time that really never existed before

No And that kind of technology is gonna slowly but surely break down a lot of barriers and a lot of like Ideas that we have about each other well less so language And I think more so the fact that we can not only see suffering in real time with cameras in the internet But we can also we are also starting to see that cultures, whether they're Indian or South Korea, are really similar to Americans. You know, with K-pop, I mean, Korea's got all their K-pop and stuff, but more importantly, when you see their artistic expressions, they're making movies, Slumdog Millionaire, you see an Indian kid who has the same dreams and aspiration as anybody does. I think that goes a longer way in bringing people into sort of a collective notion. And it already has people like

Steven Pinker would argue that, that it's becoming easier to identify with other people's suffering because we identify with a lot of aspects of how they live their lives to begin with. It's no longer like, who are those strange people with dark skin? Nowadays, you know, people are dressing the same no matter where you go. You know, I got recognized on the plane from a woman from Bombay, from Mumbai, because she watches How I Met Your Mother and told me all her friends love How I Met Your Mother. And she was flipping out that the guy from how i met your mother was sitting next to her and she had a heavy accent she was you know talking like i can i can't believe i'm watching you know we watch all my friends like can i take a picture of you

she was so excited and she had this heavy indian accent and i thought that is that never would have happened no you know what happened and so we are sharing artistic experience we're sharing experience in high relief usually in movies and TV and That's in a lot of ways that's gonna go a lot farther than being able to cop download a language because I think that's always gonna Take more time. Well, if we all just spoke the same language, it would be really fucking boring. That's true, but It would be really cool if we's true but it would be really cool if we understood what the fuck everybody was saying all the time you know i think it would it would smooth out a lot of shit between people i really gotta think that like if we could have

like real-time conversations with like kim jong-un yeah you know if you could have a real-time conversation with that dude and sit down and go what is your life like like explain to me like what was what was childhood like for you what's the environment around you all the time he's a real he's a real live king he's like he's a monarch one of the few remaining he's not yeah that he lives like a king and was raised like a prince and dennis rodman's his homeboy denn Dennis Rodman was a great great spokesman for him wasn't he? Dennis Rodman comes down and hangs with that dude

and plays basketball and shit and then leaves. Like what kind of fucking bizarro reality TV world are we living in where Dennis Rodman

just hops on private jets and hangs out with the king of North Korea. Be the greatest reality show ever made. I mean him and Kim Jong-un me and me and the king me with the king of North Korea. Be the greatest reality show ever made. I mean... Him and Kim Jong-un. Me and the king.

It's like Rocky Marziano hanging out with Mussolini. What do they talk about? What do they talk about? Look at them there together, having a good old time. Do you think he's freaked out at all about the amount of metal that's in Rodman's face? I know I am. That freaks him out?

God, look at that. That is such a strange thing. Yeah, look at him. He's a king. I mean, God bless him. Didn't he have his uncle eaten by wild dogs or something? What? Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. He assassinated him. That's his uncle. I was thinking about

Rodman. I was like, Rodman did that? Had his uncle killed. I blame the weed. Look at that haircut. Yeah, his uncle apparently was trying to organize a coup Yeah So he killed I believe he killed everyone In his family

He killed everyone in the family Except the wife And he gave the wife like a raise Really? Promoted her to a better position Really? After he killed her husband Yeah

Interesting Yeah Something along those lines i might be making that up it's like it's real gamish throne shit yeah it is i mean he really did kill his uncle and then his uncle's sons so his uncle's sons couldn't take revenge on him yeah jesus the russians were good at that khrushchev and used to do that and stalin oh my god you get rid of everybody yeah so i'm just saying used to do that. Saddam Hussein, who was it who was talking about that? It was Helmut Schröder, one of the ex-German

premiers went to meet. He said, I want to say hi to the ambassador, the German ambassador who I've known for 10 years. They said he was unfortunately, he was executed for treason. And he was like,

he'd known him for a long time and he was really kind of taken aback and it's like oh that's that really makes me upset and he goes well can i see the family i got to know the family i'd like to give them my condolences the family is uh no longer around either and uh he told that story i think it was on that charlie rose or something where oh they killed his whole family that's real real. I mean, and again, like you were saying, we have no idea what it's like. We're so lucky. We're so lucky we can walk away from things we don't like. Because most of the world has to live with something they don't like, including a government that tells them what to do and tells them where to live and tells them where they're going. I don't know if this is propaganda or not. I don't know if it's bullshit or not.

where they're going. I don't know if this is propaganda or not. I don't know if it's bullshit or not. I'm just telling you what I read. That they were putting people in jail if they didn't cry hard enough when Kim Jong-il died. Yeah. Some of them were getting six months of hard labor

from what I read. For not crying hard. Yes, because they were not grieving hard enough. So you see these pictures of them beating their chest and crying, party members, crying for, you know, nobody wanted to be the first person to stop crying. So they're crying for hours. Oh my God.

This is madness. Yeah. That's like group madness. Like whether that's what North Korea is, is like group madness. Yeah. It's like you're, you're watching what happens when you allow like these really ancient horrific methods of

Dictatorship and they do they do even worse they if you really fucked up They'll put you in the coal mines and you never leave you never come out of the coal mine So you don't get any sunlight so your skin starts to fall off, but you don't leave you're not getting up You're you're living in the coal mine. Oh my god It so bad punish for not crying thousands of north koreans face labor cancer oh my god upset enough about the death of kim jong-il that is insane it's amazing like i guess that's the only way to run a culture is like you're going to run it that way as a dictator, you have to have everybody absolutely terrified all the time so no one takes a chance.

Wow. How can you maintain that? How the fuck are they maintaining that? If your family might get put in jail or killed, you'll do it. I know, but it's amazing. It has to be at a boiling point. Could you imagine these Look at that. These poor people.

Even the kids, they move you and they move, they move you like you're designated where you live in North Korea, the neighborhood you live in. If your family was against or for the original founder of North Korea, Kim Jong Il's father, if he was, if they were in opposition to him, you live in a very shitty neighborhood. If they were a lie to him, three generations later, you live in a good neighborhood. Oh my God.

That's crazy. Good stuff there. Nice guy. He apparently was mad during the famine in the 90s that people were eating the dogs, were eating Korean dogs. It's like they're our national you know the the jindo is like one of our national treasures and these people are eating the dogs he was all irritated it's a good guy yeah that's the worst country in the world and it's always rated that

that way it's just so crazy to think that someone's able to pull that off in this day and age. Well, he's got nuclear weapons. Thank you, Pakistan. It's just, I just have a hard time believing that that can be maintained. But yet here it is. The fact that it's still here in 2015 is pretty nuts. This is like really late in the terms of civilization to have a full-on dictator like that. Look at those people crying again. Could you imagine any sort of a scene like that in America

if a guy died who was the king? God, look at that. Look at all that. So these poor people are just faking crying. Everybody terrified to not... They all have handkerchiefs....to stop crying too soon. God. Everybody terrified to not. They all have handkerchiefs. To stop crying too soon. God.

Oh my God. It's, it is, it's, it's madness. It's probably what a lot of history was about when you had a king and they were, he was absolute ruler. And if he was a sociopath, luckily, if you were, if you were lucky, you got a good king. Somebody who wasn't crazy. God damn, dude, that is the nuttiest shit of all nutty shit the fact that there's still a country of millions of people that live like that yeah i know god damn that's

terrifying and whenever you know people talk about privilege white privilege black privilege yeah whatever kind of privilege you might have. Heterosexual privilege. Here's the biggest privilege. Not having to live like those folks. Exactly. And that's number one above all else. But isn't that the reason, one of the big reasons to at least read the newspaper or a little history or know what's going on in the world? Have some perspective. Any way you can get it. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, that term, white privilege, people don't like that term. People get mad. Which usually means there's some validity to it But everybody if anybody says like white privilege, and you see a white dude roll in his eyes You might have a little racist in your buddy I might have a weird conversation with you and have to go wait what no Obama's not a Muslim No, no no no I had a conversation with a friend like that.

He was saying Obama was a... Obama's the biggest Muslim in the country. I go, no, he's not. What are you talking about? Why are you saying shit like that, man? There's no evidence that he's a Muslim at all. No, none, zero. Yeah.

By the way, his dad was a Kenyan and Muslim, but he didn't know his dad very well. He grew up in Hawaii, right? Yeah, but the dude's not living like some secret life where he's ready to blow up America from the inside. Yeah. That's what these dumbasses think. He doesn't have a callus on the middle of his head

where he prays every day, which is... Do they really get a callus? You're supposed to. If you're very pious in Islam, you get a dark, darker... The skin in that area where you touch your head

to the floor is darker than the rest of your skin. That's when you know somebody's really, really religious. So it's like the cauliflower ear of the Islam world. Correct. Wow, it's a badge of courage. Pretty wild, right?

What happens if you're a pussy and you want a little pillow, a little soft pillow? Do they get mad at you? Don't the Orthodox Jews wear something like that when they pray? I don't know. I do not know what their practice is. Well, I know you're thinking about saying it. They're showing these guys with dark spots on their forehead. There you go.

Oh my God. Jeremy just pulled up all these photos of these guys with these super dark spots on their foreheads. Yeah, that's when you know that you gotta just know that he's very religious.

Look at that old dude with the glasses down there. He's got like a hole in his head. Well, that is, yes, Yaziri. Scroll down a little bit, Jeremy. That's Osama bin Laden's right-hand man, that guy. Yeah, that guy right there. He's a bad guy. He's got a hole in his head. Yeah, Zoh, Yaziri. Scroll down a little bit, Jerry. That's Osama bin Laden's right-hand man, that guy.

Yeah, that guy right there. He's a bad guy. He's got a hole in his head. Yeah, Zawahiri. That's the Egyptian doctor who is Osama bin Laden's right-hand man. He's still at large. Can you make that photo larger? Is that possible?

Still at large. Bad guy. Jesus Christ. Access forbidden. Yeah, he's a doctor, too. Jesus Christ. Look at his forehead, dude. That man, I never

heard of this before. This is insane. Brian Callen, you teach me something new every time we talk. Smart bitch. Come on. Look at that forehead, man. That's crazy. That dude has worn a hole in his head. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to tell because it's fairly

low resolution, but whatever that is. a good guy by the way he's he's he and he and osama were good buddies he's still alive he's still out there they don't know where he is whoa the egyptian doctor that's amazing yeah very religious and very violent we live in a movie we really do we really live in a movie we live in a movie and it's do. We really live in a movie. We live in a movie. And it's a weird one. You mean just the fact that we're Americans or in general? The whole world is theater.

I mean, it really is. I mean, obviously it's real. But what I'm saying is the way it's playing out, it's so goofy, it seems like a work of fiction. The North Korea thing seems like a work of fiction. seems like a work of fiction. The North Korea thing seems like a work of fiction. The uber-pious gentleman dressed like a genie who's worn a hole in his head from praying, that guy is a character in a fucking movie. Oh, and by the way, they can't find him.

He's out there. And they can't find him. He's out there, he's a doctor, he's evil, he's probably got millions of dollars, and they can't find him. When does Batman come in? Where's Batman? It's true right it's also weird like people hatch plans and they pull them off like they just get together and they go listen you guys we're gonna hijack planes and fly them into buildings you know people do benghazi yeah anyway i, there's a bunch of different things,

different events that have happened all over the world where people kept their mouth shut, plotted them, and executed them. Dan Carlin says this beautifully. He talks about, we always talk about they live in the age of terrorism. He said, well, they live in the age of terrorism actually since 1914.

And he tells a fascinating story. If you don't know the origins of World War I, it's very important because the World War I and World War II are connected. World War't know the origins of World War I, it's very important because World War I and World War II are connected. World War II is the continuation of World War I. And about 80 or 90 million people lost their lives because of those two wars. And, oh, and it destroyed all of old Europe. Oh, and it changed the entire map of the world.

Oh, and all of us live in its wake in a much deeper and more turbulent way than you can imagine. In fact, let me keep going. If you want to know about the Middle East, really, you've got to study World War I. If you don't, no historian will take you seriously. And Dan Carlin says something fascinating. I don't know if you know the story. He said World War I and the world you live in was changed by one man. And his name was Carvillo Princip.

And he was a Serbian terrorist. And he found out that the Archduke Ferdinand of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, doesn't matter, was coming to town. And they had control of Serbia. And Serbia was looking for their independence. So they said, we're going to kill this guy. And he was in an open car with his wife. And he was in a parade. And one of the Serbian terrorists came running out with a grenade or a bomb, threw it at the car, and it had a faulty thing, and it blew up under the other car, and six people were very badly injured.

I think one person was killed. But guess what? Archduke Ferdinand, he survives. He goes. He makes a full account. They apologize to him. And remember, this was in Serbia. It was in Sarajevo, which was a sort of a colony, if you will, of the Serbo-Hungarian, of the Austrian-Hungarian Empire.

Here was the next in line for the in charge of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Now, check this out. This is now crazy. I know the story. I've listened to the podcast. Oh, you did? Okay. Go ahead and keep saying it if you want.

It's awesome. It's just awesome. So now, they say, say well we missed our assassination attempt this guy carvillo princep who was part of this whole group goes in for a sandwich and as the archduke for it and said let's get you out of here he says no i want to go to the hospital and i want to check on all the survivors of this bombing they said okay so they go down a road and the guy misses his turn and he misses his turn and And he misses his turn, and now he decides to back up. And as he's backing up, the car stalls, and they've got to kind of figure it out.

And as the car stalls, because he missed a turn, a guy named Carvillo Princip, part of this Serbian thing, comes walking out with a sandwich, and he goes, what the fuck? There's the Archduke Ferdinand. He's just right in front of me. And he shoots him, and he shoots his wife. And that was because the driver missed a turn and was backing up. And Carvillo, by coincidence, just sees the Archduke and shoots him. And that pin, as Dan Collins says, that created the hand grenade that was World War I and World War II, was because a driver missed a turn and because one terrorist, one 20-year-old guy,

had a gun in his hand and said, that guy's a bad guy, and shot him. And our world has changed forever because of that strange missed turn. That's part of what's fascinating about history. That's an amazing podcast. Which one is that? It's called Countdown to Armageddon.

Yes. And it is awesome. And I'm glad we get a chance to. Blueprint for Armageddon. Blueprint for Armageddon. I'm so glad I had. And I'm glad we get a chance to. Blueprint for Armageddon. I'm so glad I had a chance to drive in a car with you. We had a long trip. And we could listen to Dan Carlin's The Mongol Thing.

You opened a whole can of worms for me, man. I've been telling you how crazy that was like forever. I'm like, you just gotta listen to this podcast. When people say that to me, though, it's hard to take them seriously. Oh, I just gotta listen to another podcast. Oh, Christ. jesus christ but if you just listen to wrath of the cons you will be a changed human being 100 you will understand what it was like to live in that time as best as anybody could ever describe it yeah in a way that is so ultimately paralyzingly

terrifying 900 years later whatever the fuck it is. Oh, you mean because you're huddled in your church with your family and they're at the gates and they're bashing your gates down and you know they're

going to come in and kill everybody? That was like, what, 800 years ago? Yeah, about 700 years ago. Jesus fucking Christ, dude. And you were going to get your head cut off.

You were going to die by stabbing or cutting. It's going to suck. And they were launching bodies. They would light bodies on fire and launch them with catapults to die by stabbing or cutting. It's going to suck. And they were launching bodies. They would light bodies on fire and launch them with catapults. And fat. Human fat. Human fat burns better

apparently when you really light it on fire. It can catch things on fire better. They were so fucking ruthless. Well, I was thinking about how they lived. You know, you and I, we go hunting. So we live outside and for four days or three days sometimes and it's miserable and we wake up and we're freezing and we're wet and we're

like this blows can't wait to get back to civilization but we do it because we love it it brings us a close to objective reality we're like i feel a little tougher a little more manly you know the mongols i was thinking about how they lived i was kind of trying to picture it they're on a horse by the time they're three live in the Tartars. Yeah, just stop and think about that. Yeah, let's just start there three throw the kid on a horse I have a four-year-old. She's not riding any fucking horse. No fuck It's my sisters are giant a wild horse in the Tartars that's lying barely broken And they don't have like 20 of them per guy. Yeah, they just whistle. They've got no idea horse would show up I never had heard that I didn't know how though that was one of the most terrifying things is like how well

organized they were well because that's how they would hunt so they would hunt on horseback they were such trick riders if you've been on a horse since you were three you can do anything on a horse right you can shoot an arrow on a horse you're just much faster but he was what was he was where the clinical reality came in i thought thought to myself, their lives were so violent to begin with. First of all, the staple was mare milk and blood from their horse, which they would mix. They'd mix the milk and the blood, and they would drink it. I wonder what that does to you chemically, what that taste of blood does to you. Not good.

Probably not. Fucking Christ. How many parasites did they have in their body by the time they were like 10 years old? God knows, or none. And they would chase, because they would ferment the milk. And the way they would hunt animals, they would do the same with humans. They would sort of push them all into one area, then create an opening for them to run through. And then they'd be waiting with a party there. They were so, just daily existence was so physical and violent, you know? And they had ultimate disdain for people that lived behind walls.

Yeah. They lived in felt tents. Yeah. And that was like their whole thing. It was like the actual description of what they were calling Genghis Khan. Something about ruler of all who dwell in the felt tents. Something crazy like that. Dude, they would show up in town and they would say,

look, I guess you guys weren't aware that you owe Genghis Khan money. Yeah. Or Genghis. They like to say Genghis. It was Genghis when John Wayne did it. I grew up with Genghis. I'm calling him Genghis, dude. I swear to God, that's the only thing with Dan Carlin.

I was like, dude, call it Genghis. Genghis Khan. His real name is Temuchin. But Dan Carlin, what he does so good is make it utterly fascinating. He's such an expert narrator. He's a storyteller. He's an expert. I mean, like a real master at it.

Yeah. So when he's telling you these stories, it's not just really cool information, which it most absolutely is, but it's the way he's written it all and put it together and worded it. It's just fucking brilliant. Yeah. He lives in Portland, right? Don't give out his fucking address. What if the Mongols come?

You're right. Shit, man. I'm just going to be in Portland a little bit. I want to invite him. What are you trying to do to him, man? Getting weird? Dan, if you're listening to this, come to my show in Portland.

He's a great guy. You'll love hanging out with him. He's a super cool guy. Real fun. I've had him on the podcast a few times. Yeah, I'd love to meet him. He's doing a goddamn national. Real fun. I've had him on the podcast a few times. Yeah, I'd love to meet him. He's doing a goddamn national service with that thing. 100%. World service, I should say.

I shouldn't say national, because it's on the internet. Could not agree more. It's so much more entertaining than any other history thing I've ever witnessed, watched, listened to. I mean, I've spent enough time over the past 20 years at least listening to different kinds of, like,

the turning points in European history and, you know, from the teaching company. Really good professors. Nothing compares to that guy. Nothing. Well, there's so many good podcasts right now. Just like this one. You know, I was talking with someone yesterday

about how many good TV shows there are today as opposed to, like, when we were kids. Yeah. You know, like, when we were kids, kids like what was a really good show on TV? Mash I guess mash was a really good Tyler Moore what was like a really good drama was running Hill Street blues Hill Street blues okay? But that's the only one I can think of off Hill Street blues is later. That was like an 80s Actually was 80 81. I don't fucked up in Actually, it was 81. Why do I have that all

fucked up in my head? Oh, I think I have it fucked up with NYPD Blue. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. What else? Wasn't that a good drama? I can't think of a good drama right now. But compare that to what's available today. Compare that to Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Mad Men,

Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, House of Cards, Homeland. I mean, Jesus Christ. It's nuts. It's nuts. You can't even keep up. It's an assault of wizard shows. They're so goddamn good.

And you've got to be good because they have those HBO shows now. Those HBO shows took everything to a totally different level. When they put out The Sopranos, the whole game changed. All of a sudden, you're like, Jesus, this is better than a movie. This is a movie that's forever. Because they made a character. It used to be the rule was the character has to be somebody you like, who you want

to bring in your living room every week. That was the rule. And when you went to pitch a show and your character wasn't quote-unquote likable, people were like, nah, it's not going to work. Along comes Tony Soprano, huge adulterer, murderer. Kills his friends. Oh, orders the assassination of his friend and tells his son to do his homework in the same breath.

Talk about a dichotomy. And, of course, as human beings, we're like, well, that's real life. That's how I feel sometimes. He was the greatest mob character in the history of mob characters. Over the top, down the hill, through the valley, up the mountain, through the ocean. Everyone else can suck his dick. Yeah. All of them.

They all can suck his dick. He's the greatest of all time. I think me and Shob and a couple other people were talking about the best overall character on TV ever. Tony Soprano. Yeah, I think it's got to be Tony Soprano. Either that or Walter White. Walter White's a good bet, too. I was torn between the two, and I think I ultimately went with Walter.

But I might say now, because of peer pressure, Tony Soprano. Yeah. You know, there's been some goddamn good ones. But his character, we had so much time to get to know him Yeah, you know and that's just what was so different was that it was wasn't like television style like Showmaking yeah, it was movie making right, but it was a new thing because it was really complex And you could do it over a long time.

You could have a season and you're going, you know, you're telling a story over months and months and you're getting people addicted. It's a completely different experience. And you realize like at a certain level, like they, that show changed everything. That show changed everything. It was just so next level. I never give a fuck about mob shows wasn't there even one before that?

in a way it wasn't even a mob show in a way it was a guy running two families a crime family and his own family that was the idea you were looking at a human being and what I think they did an amazing job was as evil as he was they were putting him in impossible situations you couldn't run that fucking crime family without being a complete

motherfucker yet he had to run his own family make his marriage work and all that shit i think a lot of people identified with the how impossible life is that way yeah it's an extreme example but you know it's it is really it's like we could almost if you were born that guy and that guy's family and that guy's life and that guy's neighborhood with that guy's Experiences you would be in the exact same situation as he is right now a chain of events from the time you were shot out Of your mother's vajayjay. That's right has led you to where you're at It's just like looking at those North Korean people man. Should they pull themselves up by their bootstraps? Like what should they do like to anyone to say that hey hey you know what hey everybody's got it

on my friend Mike he was born in Africa but he said I want to be American so he got in a car he drove to the airport he bought it you know you know those guys like if they wanted to they could do it like do you know what the fuck you said you anecdotal asshole he tell one shitty story about some supposed friend that probably doesn't even exist it was born in the step i remember the argument with saddam hussein was like if you make if you make the sanctions strong enough his people will get so miserable that they'll overthrow the government oh yeah you try overthrowing that guy when he kills your whole family yeah they're the ruthlessness that these people operate under like if you live in america

and you haven't experienced war and you start talking about stuff like that, like, stop. You've got no idea. You're talking crazy. Yeah. Do you remember, there was a time during the debates, like, John McCain, I think,

I think any time you've got Sarah Palin as your fucking running mate, you're hamstrung, right? I mean, it's basically over. Because no one rational is going to say yes to that. Right. Like, you've got someone of really clearly marginal, right i mean it's basically over because no one no one rational is going to say yes to that right like you've you've got someone of really clearly marginal marginable intelligence yeah it's very marginal right if you look at the way she communicates she's she's obviously not very

bright she's certainly very yeah myopic in her experience and her perspective she's got that down home folksy thing going on but it's it seems which is very poorly thought out Yeah, like there are people that are down-home and folksy when you talk to them their way of communicating You can you can you can still get through that through that conversation? Well, this is a intelligent nuanced person with a lot of depth to what they're saying This is just the way they they talk, you know, then're from Wisconsin. Maybe it's like Doug Durant, our friend Doug from Wisconsin. Very smart guy.

Brilliant guy. If you underestimated him because he's a farmer in Wisconsin, you'd be in for a surprise. Yeah, exactly. The idea that someone has to fit into any particular style of communication just to be recognized.

Well, I got a kick. We were in Napa, and we were talking about, what was the wine? It was Caymus, which is a high-end wine, like $200 a bottle. And she was saying that the guy who makes the wine, I mean, when you buy a Caymus wine in a restaurant, please be ready to spend, if it's special select, $325. And you'd think, this is a genius winemaker. And she was like, he's a farmer. At heart, he's a farmer.

He grows good grapes and then kind of does the thing that he was told. But at the end of the day, Wagner's a farmer. And you would underestimate him. You saw him in his overalls and you'd be like, well, that guy's one of the best winemakers in the world. Well, those folks that we were talking to up in Napa, the Rinella's friends' friends, they were all farmers. They were grape farmers. They were the nicest people. They really were.

How about that food? It was so cool. The food was delicious. As soon as I saw that guy and I saw that he was cooking tri-tips, I'm like, this motherfucker, I guarantee you could cook the shit out of a tri-tip. I remember you said that. Because these old California dudes, old rancher California dudes, they know how to cook those tri-tips.

Because a tri-tip is a very peculiar type of meat. It's very lean. You can't overcook it. You got to cook it the right right amount it's not a lot of fat on it but if you know how to nail it and for whatever reason california ranchers they'd specialize they had like a special grill for it i think it's called a santa maria grill and it cranks and as you're cranking you like raise or lower it above above the heat and you want to make it you it's like you have to this this is back, they learned how to do this shit before they had thermometers.

It was just how the fork would go into it. They could figure out how done it was just by how the fork felt, how it slid into it. So I saw that dude, and I saw he was cooking tri-tips. I'm like, oh, we're eating here, dude. Because we were thinking about going to a restaurant. Best restaurants in the world, and we actually forewent them because it was so goddamn good.

Well, that guy was cool as fuck when we started talking to him. Damn it. Do you remember his name? No. I want to say Mike. I know his son is a model for... Is it Rick or Mike? His son, who was a nice guy, was there. He's a model. I forgot to give him shit for it, but his son was a model for romance novels.

Vampire romance ones. Yes. A lot of vampire ones. Oh, you know you've made it when you're a model for vampire vampire romance novel Yeah, I forgot his name too, but he was cool. Yeah, very friendly guy. Yeah, he's Some guy I interrupted you with my my tangential story about that because you reminded me of it You were taking you were making a larger point. What was I saying? Fuck okay me Whatever it was it can be that important exactly keep it Exactly. Keep it rolling. Keep it rolling here. I don't even remember at all.

Hey, man, we went turkey hunting, you guys. Look at this quote from the Denver police. The Denver police, they put out a tweet. No, that's not what it was, Jamie. There was one. It was more hilarious. Scroll down a little bit. It was the 420 tweet.

Does it, like... There it is. No. They had, like, a, like, rolling, rolling, rolling. Put it, like... There it is. No. They had, like, a, like, Roland, Roland, Roland. Put it, it's on my Twitter, dude. Just go to my Twitter and you'll find it. But it's, it's actually

kind of hilarious. I retweeted it, I think. That's a good picture of you there. That's some success, fuck. Look at that. In Denver, I said even the police are high on 420. Look at this. This is the police. We see you rolling, but we ain't hating. Ha ha. Seriously, though.

Hashtag Denver. Please remember to hashtag consume responsibly this 420 weekend. Good for them. That's the police department. I like the police department in Denver. They have little music things there. What are those? Emojis?

Little music emojis? Good for them. Good for them. I love it. Is that the nicest police department of all time? I mean, they might be. See, ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when you let a state get

stoned. This is what happens. This is exactly what I've been telling you forever, and it's in action right now. This is the police are nicer. First it was fluoride in their water, and nobody was getting cavities, and now it's weed. Way to go, Colorado. Is fluoride in the water and nobody was getting cavities, and now it's weed. Way to go, Colorado. Is fluoride in the water good, dude?

Is that real? Well, I think in the 50s what they found was there are certain communities in Colorado that were not getting cavities. I think it's in Colorado. And they couldn't figure out why. Why weren't the kids getting cavities? And they found there was a high level of fluoride in the water. Naturally. Yeah.

Yeah, that does happen, right? There's some waters that have higher levels of fluoride like natural fluoride Yeah, and like apparently there's that's one of the things that's supposed to be not good when you drink distilled water Right say don't yeah, because you want all those minerals and all that other jazz. It's in water very much So I think and I believe you use distilled water on a plant a lot of times the plant dies That's what I was told from a farmer. But some people think that fluoride ultimately is not good for your body. Is there any science that goes with that?

Because people love to quote, they always say this one thing, hey man, it calcifies your pineal gland. And I'm like, have you done any lab biopsies? We have a pretty big control group, like the entire population of the United States over the past 50 years. I don't see a lot of people with calcified pineal glands.

I don't know if that's even a real thing, first of all. I don't either. I don't know. Isn't it the third eye? Isn't it the pineal gland? Yeah. That's what they're saying. Well, mine always feels all stiff. I can't see out of it. I'll tell you that much. And then there's this other one that they say, maybe Snopes this, Jamie. They say that fluoride in the water was pioneered by the Nazis for mind control?

Dude. Did you know that, man? So think about that. Think about that, man. I drink green water. I will think about it because you haven't thought about it. Listen, dude, you don't even know. I fucking, I'm online every day. When was the last time you read a book besides

Twilight? Infowars.com. knew it manual of life infowars.com i read a book besides twilight if you're a guy and you're reading twilight lose my number come out of the closet you can be like what you like it's all right like what you like man i was at the Chateau Maman, and that guy sat at the table. What guy? Me and my buddy Frank Willow were at. The guy, the main vampire, the heartthrob. Oh, the fucking guy from Twilight? Uh-huh.

Robert Pattinson? Yes. Pattinson? Yes, and he sat at my table, and I stared at him. I didn't say hi. He was very nice. He got up and he's like, nice to meet everybody. I was like, see you later.

That's my story about him. That's an amazing story. Thank you, buddy. Dude, you should write that down. I met him. There's a guy named John Stewart that I used to work with on Fear Factor. The greatest, hilarious dude. Just a guy who had been in show business forever and he was a straight total pro all

right ladies and gentlemen it can't get any better than this he's just one of those guys like those guys he would move the contestants through everybody was smiling when they talked to him just one of those motherfuckers he's kristen stewart's dad oh wow yeah makes sense yeah of course she was raised by a wild man. He's a cool motherfucker. Yeah. He's cool. He has long hair, scraggly hair. That's great. His daughter's a movie star.

Old school dude, man. He's been around forever. Just a super sweet guy, too. She probably grew up around sets, acting. Yeah, probably. But back then, she did a couple movies, and I was like, dude, why are you letting your daughter do that? Doesn't it freak you out that she's going to get famous at a young age, and she wasn't

worried about it? Huh. And then, obviously, she became this giant fucking movie star so i'm like dude lucky you didn't listen to me yeah get her out of asking i was telling you to pull your daughter out she's gonna be selling insurance right now the gigantic fucking movie star so don't listen to me ever how about that if i give you advice but who knows? Truth about fluoride doesn't include the Nazi myth. Okay, so the Nazis, a myth. History shows, actually, that in Nazi Germany, one of the first things they did was add fluoride to the water

in the ghettos where the Jews stayed. Matt Leffler of Cleveland told the county commissioner Tuesday before. Well, what does it say here? If he's saying, okay, okay, this is not saying whether it's real or not real or who knows this is just a story on it we should figure out like what is the actual truth where does the story come from here it goes what does the story there's no teeth to this claim yeah i can almost guarantee you that it is indeed an urban myth said uh andy holinger who handles the media relations at the u.s holocaust memorial museum

well okay hmm okay it seems like it's not real then right or it could be wasn't about nazis fluoridating water it was communists what okay so it seems like more than likely it was an urban myth Now what about this is the thing Jamie Google this? Fluoride calcifies the pineal gland because I just want to get to the bottom of this get to the bottom of this No, I should studies have been done on the pineal gland. What happens if what's fluoride doing in there? When are they gonna clone hair? That's what I want to know ladies and gentlemen you can get hairier fluoride deposition aged human pineal gland Hmm. Ooh So is it saying the pot the purpose was to discover close scroll down?

So purpose was to discover whether fluoride accumulates in the aged human pineal gland the aims were to determine a F concentrations of the pineal gland the aims were to determine a f concentrations of the pineal gland wet whatever that means corresponding muscle wet and bone ash b calcium calcium concentration of the pineal pineal muscle and bone were dissected from 11 aged cadavers okay what is it saying too much reading. I'll take a calciate pineal gland, then holes in my teeth. Holes in my teeth suck.

Here it goes, right here. Fluoride does not accumulate in the brain. Well, wait a minute. Okay, so it's not. So you would really do that, though? You would take calcium in your pineal gland? It's saying it's not real. But what if it was real?

Yeah. You would take that over holes in your teeth? That's right. I don't want holes in my teeth. I give a fuck about them. But what about dentists? Dentists are awesome. I don't use my pineal gland it was real? Yeah, you can't say that my fucking teeth. That's right I don't want holes in my teeth. I go what about dentist? That's my pineal gland Do I I do makes melatonin shit they believe now that it makes dimethyltryptamine that really heavy-duty psychedelic Oh, they uh, it makes a bunch of different things shit Well, I'll take melatonin pills and have good teeth You know what it looks like the weird thing about the pineal gland have you ever Seen the look look up

Egyptian image pineal gland the actual like side View of the pineal gland I didn't even know it was actually real I always thought it was like the third eye Yeah, it's a real. That's what's really fucked up look what it looks like it looks like that thing hmm a lot that Egyptian so well a lot if you look at the actual structure of the pineal gland and that I What is that I supposed to represent? Probably someone super smart is watching you bitch. So it looks like to me I mean it's it's super super similar in appearance Yeah, what the pineal gland looks like and what that thing looks like if it's dissected.

I'm sure the Egyptians did their share of cutting brains up. I mean, you look at that thing nestled in there. So that's where the pineal gland is, way inside the brain? I thought it was right in your forehead. No, it's like, look where your eyeballs are, right? Yeah. And then it's like literally like right here and back, like right where your brain is, right? Yeah. And then it's like literally like right here and back. Like right where your brain stands.

Oh, okay. Right in there. Apparently, they think that this uncertain like lower animals, like snakes, I think, or reptiles, that thing actually has a retina and a lens. I don't see where it says pineal gland on this thing. Oh, I think that's back up there Jamie that's what the gland is I mean that's where it is let's look like that's a house is no see where where does it show it does it have a button that's the thalamus buddy well it's according to that pineal gland part one right there say pineal gland on the right and there they are

okay that's what they're saying here neither of us know what the fucking pineal gland looks like there is a pineal gland is looks like it's at the base how freaky is that i don't know it's nuts all this is just the the knowledge that your brain is making all these weird chemicals all the time and keeping them in balance is super important. And you can do it with like exercise and you can do it with like having positive thinking, getting outside in the sun. It's also what is the brain? What really is it?

Yeah, what really is it? You know, that's what kind of blows my mind. Some sort of, as it's functioning, you know, as it's all lit up, right? It's some sort of a portal to everything in the universe. And that's really what the brain is. And eventually that thing will get to a point where it's capable of communicating with anybody within any reasonable distance instantaneously so as this brain continues to get stronger accumulate more information accumulate more Technological breakthroughs that allow it to do more things and manipulate matter more as long as it stays alive

As long as the human organism stays alive you've thought of it as a giant super thing Yeah It's it's something that if you're looking at the in terms of like the creation of the earth Right the earth is billions of years old it took a long fucking time To go from the first version of the earth all the rocks And the lava and the water and shit. To what we have today. It takes a long ass time.

Well I think the human organism. Takes a long ass time. To become what it really is. And what it really is. Is like the universe. Figured out how to build something. That can make a universe. Well I was going to say.

That the human brain is going to get to a point. Where it's able to replicate itself and then improve on itself. And you'll be able to download other people's brains, and you'll be able to send your download to other people's brains, and you'll have an experience of what it's like to be that person. And there's some people that resist this, because they say, look, we already right now don't know nearly enough about the biological functions of the human body.

We already right now don't know I Absolutely understand that and I agree that they're right. I you know not disputing that at all What but I am saying though is it might not even matter Hmm they might be able to come up with technology that completely circumvents all the biological bullshit that we have to deal with as far as like processing proteins and phytonutrients and all that horse shit we could possibly bypass that one day like by meshing with machines yes i think it's going to happen i really do i know you had aubrey degray on your podcast i had him on mine i'm having him on again oh i had him on my show but i'm having him on the podcast real soon yeah because i was talking and he was talking about there are seven different, I guess, a cell. There are seven different ways a cell degenerates.

And they're working on figuring out ways to stop that degeneration. It's a mechanical issue at this point. But they're isolating how a cell breaks down, why it does, and they're going to try to figure out a way to stop it. But, you know, I said nanotechnology and stuff. There's a chance that all your work could be circum circumnavigated by just that that inexorable rise toward you know just kind of pushing us way beyond our biology with machines and he was like yeah maybe you know i just think if you look at it in terms of the long haul let's just assume that people are able to stay alive and not blow each other up or not get hit by a meteor

for the long haul let's give us a hundred years do you have any idea how goddamn crazy technology is going to be in a hundred years so anybody like that's poo-pooing this we don't have the capabilities do you don't you think that that's what they said back when they lived in caves yeah how we got to block that hole we can't do it we don't know how they had to figure out how to make a fucking door. Somebody had to figure out how to make a door to a cave. Somebody had to figure out fire. Somebody had to figure out stone tools. And then we learn from them.

It all keeps steamrolling. And apparently the brain is evolving as well. The brain is evolving in the way that it interfaces with computers, the way we process information. interfaces with computers, the way we process information. It's all our way of like the allocation of resources mentally is very different now than it was before. You could just ask Google a question. This is some weird shit's going to happen to the very brain itself.

If we start adding things to it, if we start putting in little transmitters or little things, little ways to wirelessly interface with each other you know you and i've talked about this that experiment that they did where they sent a word they sent a couple words from one person to the other person through the internet and they received the word they were blindfolded they they they put take all these steps to make sure that the way they're receiving it was only brain to brain like dude that we're we're getting like these are the baby steps of some really crazy shit yeah and if we could just stay alive if you could stay alive for like a hundred years the world will be unrecognizable well they say that's the case in 40 or 50 ray kurzweil says in 40 or 50 years it's

going to be you might be right yeah it because, because it's moving so exponentially and the minute machines start replicating themselves or building better machines it comes with a very dark side but it also comes with a very promising side. Biologists reject it. Biologists reject it. A lot of them do. But a lot of them do because they think that they don't

know enough about the human mind to even come close to saying that we could replicate it or download consciousness into a computer. And that seems to be the truth. But what I think is it's going to be the case of technology reaching a level of capability that we can't even fathom. We can't fathom it. It's too far away from our little pea brains right now. There could be kind of an interface that we can't even imagine.

I think that if you can imagine it, I think that the human imagination exists because that is a window into what is actually possible. In other words, I think that if you can imagine it, it's going to be a matter of know, I think that if you can imagine it, it's going to be a matter of time before it actually becomes something you can measure and see with your eye, your ear or an instrument. I think it's going to be something you can actually touch. I think anything that like you're talking about downloading the human brain, communicating the

way we communicate with radio waves, the way we text, texting each other with our brains. I don't think that's magic. I don't think it's far fetched. I think if you look at the way we communicate with radio waves, the way we text, texting each other with our brains. I don't think that's magic. I don't think it's far-fetched. I think if you look at the way science seems to be developing, it's a matter of when, not if. It's so weird. If you think about what a human being is, if you think about, like, I've been watching a lot of nature documentaries lately, man. I've gone through one of these weird stages where I just started watching documentaries on various animals. And just the

cruelty of the environment that they live in. The cannibalism and the attacking each other. Life eats life. Oh, it's fucking chaos, man. We watched this documentary on baboons. These baboons fucking each other up. And you're like, Jesus

Christ! Trying to protect their babies. And the baboon should... The show should have been called Dead Baby Baboon. Because they show like ten fucking dead baby baboons. This scientist on TED Talk was talking about how humans are not the only animals that just kill each other because

you know... Animals kill out of dominance or food and stuff. No, no, no. He said, let me tell you something. This baboon showed up. He studies baboons. Baboon shows up in this whole group.

And he's kind of an asshole. He's just loud. He's just not being respectful to the other males. He's just running around. It's like kind of trying to fuck the women without going through the necessary baboon steps you got to. And he's just loud and being a pain in the ass. Well, the next morning, he said, he said, he goes, I knew this baboon was going to get it he's just loud and being a pain in the ass well the next morning he said he said he goes i knew this baboon was gonna get it i just didn't know how

next morning he shows the picture all they find is the baboon's face the baboon's face basically tore him asunder threw him in every direction and just his perfect face going like that just a silent scream was left on the ground whoa that's what they do cut his face off cut his face off with what their teeth Yeah, they just bit his head off. They bit his head away from his face basically Yeah, we got some big teeth. They do they have ferocious looking teeth man. They're weird. They're like a dog fucked a monkey Yeah, that's what it's exactly right. It's really what it's like it doesn't look like any other animal It's such a weird dog-monkey combination. Shitty pet.

A shitty pet. You think? If a baboon was in a movie, like if they didn't exist, but they were in like Lord of the Rings, it would be a terrifying animal. Like an animal that lived in the forest that was thinking about like stealing your baby. Oh. You know? Oh.

They eat human babies, man. Well, my... So will chimps too by the way We threw a birthday party For my One of my kids And they brought a baboon Oh no

Yeah And I was like That's a big baboon Yeah we're just not gonna pet her She was very submissive She would fall to the ground And let you pick bugs From her back

That's how they show Submission Right But nervous She was nervous She had big teeth And she was large That's all let's let's keep about 10 10 yards back fuck that yeah

Well, that's not fair that animal shouldn't be there. It's not fair the animal you're putting the animal without even understanding its language You're putting it in this incredible stressful situation where it's around kids look at the fucking teeth on that that's a male Oh my god They're monsters. Yeah, just monsters look at the teeth. It's like a werewolf It is that what an insanely crazy looking animal like if that was in a movie And that was chasing after Bilbo Baggins You would totally buy it you better be like oh my god, that's a werewolf. How is that not a werewolf?

I mean, look at the fucking teeth on that thing. Those are giant teeth, man. Those fangs are so disproportionately large. Yeah. Do the females have teeth like that? Probably. Probably. Damn, look at that thing.

Jesus Christ. Look at that color. Oh my god. Dude, like that? Probably. Probably? Damn, look at that thing. Jesus Christ. Look at that color. Oh my God. Dude, blow that picture up. Look at the fucking face on that thing. Yeah, but look at the female genitalia in the other picture. That's what I'm looking at. Look at that.

Yeah, that's just retarded. But what a face, too. Like, this is real. Like, okay, if human beings didn't exist, if we just didn't exist at all on Earth, this fucking thing would be out there just like it is now. If we never existed. Yeah. If we just, we never figured out houses, we never, we just, we died off a long fucking time ago. That thing would be out there just like that.

That thing would be out there a million years from now, just like that. Look at that fucking monster. I mean, we made it to 2015 with cell phones and jet airplanes and microwave ovens and TVs and laptops. And that fucking primate that came up with us, This fucker didn't make it out of the net That's what they always say is the fundamental difference between human beings and animals even though we're an animal We're the only animal with potential with the only animal that continues to evolve We evolved within our own lives. Yeah, we can see in a few you're really Observing of yourself and correcting of yourself, you'll continually evolve.

Yeah. You're going to be smarter and better. And a baboon, ten generations and that baboon, they're all going to be the same way. Well, that's interesting that you said that because I keep saying Radiolab, but there was another podcast they did about instincts and how you could change the entire behavior of a tribe of baboons if they got rid of this one alpha male that was like fucking everybody up really yeah they got a dictator yeah they got one rid of one alpha male that was fucking everybody up and then something happened i forget what the the actual event was that caused them to be submissive to each other and grooming each other and then they just kind of kept up with it. And then they came back years later expecting to see the same sort of violent

behavior that they'd witnessed before. But no, they had this, they had developed this like peaceful baboon tribe, which is, there was no, there was no threat. What was a way lesser threat.

They're still fucking baboons. Yeah. But apparently the way they, uh, dealt with each other was way more relaxed. Like, and they, there was really confusing to these biologists Who observed it was very unexpected? I should say shouldn't say confusing music a welcome discovery I'm sure you realizing like wow how much of behavior okay?

Like we're talking about North Korea, and we're talking about America in 2015 look at the difference between The way the cultures are allowed to communicate and express themselves just by this podcast you could at the difference between the way the cultures are allowed to communicate and express themselves. Just by this podcast, you can see the difference between someone who lives in a crazy... This crazy dictatorship that they're living in is happening in the same timeline. It's happening right now. Well, it goes back to

also when you first started this podcast about talking about most people are great and there's a couple of assholes. It takes only a couple of assholes in charge to change the character of an entire society to and make people behave in a very crazy way. Those baboons changed when you took away the alpha. I wonder if North Koreans would be crying for three hours straight if they didn't have a fucking alpha male running their tribe who is that much of a fucking monster. Obviously not. I wish I could remember the exact specifics of what caused them to chill out i didn't remember uh just too much information in

my head i'm having a real problem with that lately i gotta regulate the amount of information that's going in my head and then go over it with a fine tooth comb i think i feel like i'm taking in all day way too much data i feel that way too I forget, I can't really remember names and specifics. I have to start talking in general terms because I'm afraid I'll make a mistake. I'm talking really about individual stories and individual subjects of news, especially because I feel like if you got online every day and start scouring the news and looking for interesting things and seeing the latest video, did to see the silverback gorilla that slammed into the cage At the zoo no oh

Ready tight tighten up your belt my favorite. Okay. There's a little kid that starts doing some chest thumps No, yes, she does and the silverback ain't hearing it watch this. This is fucking crazy, dude So you see the little kid you could see her in the the corner. She's pounding her hands on her chest. Look at this. Why is there... We never fixed that. The shitty video quality thing. Those little things we bought didn't fix it.

Look at Coco the Gorilla with Robin Williams. We still have that really super shaky video for some reason. Yeah, Coco the Gorilla. I can't believe you let that thing touch him. They're a lot less dangerous than a... They say gorillas have their own personality, so some can be really mean and some can be really sweet. I'm sure she was super sweet,

but if she wanted to just pull your dick off and stuff it through your eyeball, she could any time she wanted to. I think Coco might be a guy, isn't it? Is it? Why do I think it's a girl? Look at how thick. Oh, wow.

See, he just pulls him down to him. Dude, look at that. Oh, my God. Can you go full screen on that? Oh, man. Or is that when it screws up? I can get a little bigger, though. Okay.

Look at Robin Williams. He's a good man. Oh, my God. Well, that's like an alien, dude. You know? Oh, look at that. Wow, it kisses his hand. Holy shit.

This is a... What an amazing time. This is a bizarre video. I guess I wouldn't be so nervous Nothing looks really peaceful look at him Wow took his glasses and put his glasses on whoa See that's when it gets really weird and you go with it. What do we what are we dealing with here? This is like a life form that speaks This is like a life form that speaks some sort of a sign language with human beings, so it understands what you're saying.

It just can't vocalize the noises that we want it to in order to communicate. But, man, that is a crazy animal right there. If that thing didn't exist, fuck Bigfoot. I'll just say it right now. Fuck Bigfoot and his dirty, crusty ass. Bigfoot's not nearly as cool as a goddamn gorilla. Look, he's saying tickle me. You're gonna tickle a gorilla.

Isn't that nuts? He signs tickle. I just want to see how much stronger that thing is than me. Oh, what are you talking about? You can't even fathom it. It's a different level. It's not even the same. It's just not fair. It's like, how much stronger are you than a flower? Well, how about just Brendan who grabbed me around the waist the other day, and he was like, yesterday I was trying to get out.

First of all, I tried to shoot a single leg on him. Look at that. No, keep it going. Keep it. Look at this. This is so crazy. It's just looking at that body. Look at him laughing.

It's so nuts. They're laughing and tickling each other. What a great pet. You're hilarious. I want one so bad. Keep a gorilla in your house until he decides that he wants to eat your food right now. Yeah, well. They actually are strict vegetarians, which people find shocking.

Yeah, they are. And people are like, hey, man. Not the chimpanzee. This is totally evidence that you can eat an all-plant diet and you can be immensely massive and muscular or it's evidence that gorillas are different than people well they always say well bulls are so strong and they're total vegetarians all right go eat grass and then see run a mile see how you feel yeah good luck with that you have you have four stomachs whatever the fuck it is we're yeah we're different man that's a gorilla it's different than than a person. It needs only broccoli.

Coco checks his ID. That is hilarious. Signs tickles. I went to the Santa Barbara Zoo, like maybe six months ago or so, and they have gorillas there. And you just get, like, right up next to them in the glass, and you look in and you see them walking around, and they're essentially know they're essentially

just a few yards from you just right there walking around yeah it's kind of fucked up you mean in San Diego? Santa Barbara yeah it's kind of fucked up because you really shouldn't be able to just look at a gorilla because if you just look at them in real life they run at you they make them

you ever seen the bluff charge that they make that is pull a video of that gorilla makes a You ever seen the bluff charge that they make? Pull a video of that. Gorilla makes silver black silverback makes bluff charge. Do we figure out why this is so crap? The safety glass. Yeah, here he goes. Look at this. Boom.

Damn. Do you have any idea how fucking strong he must be? Ugh. And that was just because she was pounding her chest. Isn't that nuts? For once. Man gets charged by, what does that say? Gorilla?

The second one down? Yeah. Is that the one I'm seeing? Bluff charge. We're on as large a silverback. 500 pounds. Try that one. Bluff charge.

Ooh. 500 pounds silverback. Look at the belly on that thing. Dude, you got a belly. That's parasites, bro. Is that what that is? I don't know, but that's a crazy belly. I'm 500 pounds silverback. Ooh, look at the belly on that thing. Dude, you got a belly. That's parasites, bro. Is that what that is? I don't know, but that's a crazy belly. I'm disgusted and ashamed.

Do you think that gorilla cares about his gut? I don't think so. Does it freak him out? Is that a girl, you think, or a guy? I think it's a guy. That looked very girl-like for some reason. Maybe she was pregnant. Oh, maybe she was.

Yeah, I feel like that's probably why. There's the silverback. That's probably why the silverback I feel like that's probably why... There's the silverback. That's probably why the silverback's gonna bum-rush the show. There's the silverback. Can you imagine these assholes are actually, and I say assholes with all due affection and admiration,

but these dudes are in the middle of the fucking jungle just walking around with cameras in front of wild gorillas. Yeah, not to mention there are a bunch of really bad people in the Rwandan jungles. I think Joseph Kony hangs out there sometimes.

Yeah. And his Hutu militias. What a freaky animal a gorilla is. Yeah. Super intelligent thing that's enormous. Possibly strong. Possibly strong. Eats vegetation it's so strong

It could just rip you apart With its hands And that's how it gets by It gets by Not by killing everything around it It gets by By being able to kill so many things That everybody just goes

Fuck that Yeah That's why they nest on the ground It's unbelievable Gorillas They could If a gorilla wanted to pull himself up a tree It would be pretty fucking easy.

But they don't nest in trees. And part of it, I'm sure, that's a pregnant gorilla, dude. She's pregnant. Part of it, because she looks like a female. Because I'm a biologist. I don't know if you know. She just looks less horrifically strong than the male is.

She's more soft and fuzzy. Didn't they find out recently they use tools? Well, they definitely will dig with sticks. They'll dig to get roots and shit. Well, they're all vegetation. That's what they eat. They're all about vegetation.

I'm sure that they have probably figured out some sort of tool to do something. It just makes sense. Yeah. I mean, it's not like they're building the wheel or, you know, constructing houses. I think it's still food to a bear. Look at the size of that thing.

A grizzly bear is that thing, right? Look at the size of that thing. I don't know about all that. Oh, it's 500 pounds. How much does a grizzly weigh? A lot more. Yeah. A lot more.

But it's a different kind of weight. Is it? Yeah. I mean, a grizzly weigh? A lot more. Yeah. A lot more. But it's a different kind of weight. Is it? Yeah. I mean, a grizzly bear is a ridiculously strong animal. But a fucking big five, six hundred pound gorilla, he might fuck a grizzly bear up. He might smack a grizzly bear in his head. Grizzly bear might be stupid to tangle with this thing. Hard to hurt, he looks like.

Look at his head. Well, the grizzly bears are impossibleangle with this thing. Hard to hurt, he looks like. Look at his head. Well, the grizzly bears are impossible to hurt. Have you ever seen them bite each other? It's insane. So what's the bear gonna do unless he knows jujitsu? I mean, the gorilla's gotta get behind him and choke him out. What's the gorilla gonna do? The gorilla's gonna just smack him in the head. Just pound him, bite him,

throw him. Maybe freak the fucking bear out into thinking that this thing is way scarier than a bear. Yeah. But as far as if they went to the death, depends on how big the bear is and how big the gorilla is, I would guess. Yeah.

Gorillas are so fucking smart, though. I would think that they would figure out a way to fuck a bear up. Depends on where they are. Because they're wild, too. I mean, the reason why they have those giant canines that's the fight yeah you know they fight other gorillas yeah it's just a matter of does he have like like a grizzly bear you know what's interesting about the way grizzly bears kill it's really kind of creepy it seems that animals that kill a variety of things or animals that eat a

variety of things I should say real omnivores which bears are real omnivores they don't necessarily kill things before they start eating them right they just hold them down i know there have been a lot of like in grizzly man i think the guy started getting his legs eaten first yeah and for like seven minutes the video goes on with the lens caps on but you're just hearing the sound of him screaming and her screaming. And this is going on for seven fucking minutes. This bear is eating him alive. And that's how they,

they kill you. They eat you alive. Oh fuck. That's not good. All they want to do is hold you. Cause there's so much bigger. There's so much bigger than you. So the thing is his paw on my chest and he's just wolfing down on my quads.

Mostly your gut or your asshole. They'll go asshole first. What? Yeah, apparently. No. That's how coyotes always kill. They kill asshole first. What?

Like deer. They found deer that were locked up together. I mean, it's like sometimes when deer, I know you know this. They may, yeah. Well, the men are fighting. Oh, right. And the men, their horns, because they slam heads together sometimes they wedge their horns together in a way that they literally can't get out right and there's a video of these you can find this video of these two bucks that

are connected together and one of them is dead because it was eaten alive by these coyotes and the coyotes ate it asshole first oh so like the whole back legs and the haunches and the assholes all torn out like they ate all that and damn and this other deer is still connected to him well he must have been like eat a little more please no it's it's it's like that but the the it's a video and they're the actual carcass is uh still attached to the other one like it's it's not like that it looks awful it doesn't look like a full deer it looks like the bottom half is halfway um no that's not it no i guess you start see if you could find it um can't drink i forget the exact way it was phrased in the title. Something about hunters rescue Buck one dead, one alive.

I don't know. It might be it. That's weird. It might be it. So weird. It's hard to tell. God, that video looks like shit. It's just pictures.

It was wobbly. Okay, it's just pictures. That's why. I was like, that's the most ridiculous video ever uh that's not it the the actual one was these two it doesn't matter you can find it folks if you got more time than us but they um they lock horns they get stuck and the coyotes just eat them asshole first that's how they do it i don't want i don't want it to turn me over and eat my butt how about you just stare in your buddy's eyes while you're connected together by the head while he's getting his asshole eaten? You got to wear a steel mask.

He's like, save me. I'm like, I can't. Fucking stuck. Yeah. Because coyotes never catch, I mean, they catch fawns. They never catch a full-grown buck like that. A full-grown buck, a big 150-pound animal with giant horns. Coyotes are like, that's too much work.

Yeah. For the most part. I bet you had died already and then the coyotes came in because the other one was kicking them away they're like let's just eat this end i wonder it doesn't move but they're connected together by the head i don't know who knows interesting but the point being this is my whole point at the beginning of all this nonsense um i think that the need for separateness like the need to defend yourself the need to attack the need for aggression was all instilled in whatever animal the human being ultimately became all instilled to allow it to stay alive through the darkest times the most primal times.

Because without that aggression, guess what, fuckface? You're not going to make it to 2015. If you remove aggression from human history, we're bear food, we're coyote food, we're mountain lion food, we're, you know, fill in the blank. If you remove the need to figure out a way to stop the world around you from swallowing you up, you need to have a certain amount of personal sovereignty and a certain amount of aggression. You have to fight off anything that is predatory, anything that is going to threaten the survival

of your very species until you figure out how to get it together. So from the beginning when people made the first houses to figuring out how to make gates to keep other people out, to figuring out how to make gates to keep other people out, to figuring out how to keep themselves safe from predatory animals. And all those steps were like super necessary to get to today. But at a certain point in time, when do we outgrow that expression? That we were so dominant over all the other animals. We don't have to worry about that anymore.

And the only problem we have with each other, it seems to be like allocation of resources. I was about to say. That's the other animals. We don't have to worry about that anymore. And the only problem we have with each other, it seems to be like allocation of resources. I was about to say. That's the big one. You watch how fast people devolve as soon as there's a limited source of water. And your kindergartner or whatever may not have enough water for the day. That's when things get really interesting. It's all a question of just what, I mean, most tribes that fought,

there was always that situation. It was a fight over resources or water rights or whatever it might be. Do you know that they're pioneering a new desalination plant in San Diego? They're going to spend some untold fucking buckets load of cash. Yeah, and they're going to make this desalination plant. If that's true, what you want to do is buy real estate on Catalina Island because it's going to be a road that leads out there because we're going to dry out the ocean.

People are creeps. Desalinization. Once they figure out desalinization, we're just going to be sucking the ocean off every day. We're just going to be pulling billions of gallons. People are like, if we don't stop drinking out of the ocean, it will be dry by 2075. By 2075, all the water will be in golf courses and bottled water facilities. There'll be no water in the whole ocean.

Just a big, dry hole. Well, they did that, what, to the Aral Sea? The Aral Sea was the ecological disaster that was the Aral Sea, and then it dried up in Russia? Not Russia. Is that what it's called, the Aral Sea? And it dried up because people pulled the water out of it? It just became an ecological disaster for a lot of reasons, and apparently the algae grew so much, and there was too much hydrogen in the water, and then there's a thousand things,

and they were siphoning the water off with dams and rivers, it became a disaster dried up arkel sea eco disaster there you go arrow arrow and you can look out there oh arrow you can look out there and you can just see boats that are just on dry land huge ocean liners now these things like how how quick quick do these things happen? Like when a sea dries up, do they get a 10-year window? Well, I think the Aral Sea took about 40 years to dry up. But look at the boats out there. That used to be sea. That was all sea. All of it.

Think about that. And because of mismanagement and using the water irresponsibly for agriculture, and so damming up parts of it, running off parts of it. They literally got rid of the sea. Wow. And that's the eco-disaster. So this was all because of human engineering? Yes.

Oh my God. So that was a natural sea and human engineering led it to dry up. That's insane. Yeah. It's also very common, that kind of short-sighted thinking. But it is also fascinating because you're looking at the underlying mechanisms of the very thing we were talking about. That this human animal is like figuring out all kinds of shit all the time. And it has the power to reshape land now and make areas uninhabitable with an error, you know, or bring them to

life with an error, like the Salton Sea. The Salton Sea for like a long time, like a couple of decades, was this amazing spot where people would go on vacation. They called it like California's Riviera. There was a sea that they created by opening up the Colorado River. And it was an accident. The whole thing was an accident. And now it's an eco-disaster, too.

It is? Oh, yeah. Now it's horrifically salty and filled with runoff from all the agriculture all across the state. I mean, all that shit that's trickling down from up north and all the water systems that's going into there, a lot of it, you're getting runoff from farms. Damn. You're getting all sorts of shit. Look at all those fish.

That's where it is, man. They have millions of fish die off. The Salton Sea, that's millions. Damn. The Salton Sea has so many dead bones on its beaches that its beaches are actually dried fish bones. Wow. His beaches, there's entire beaches that are completely covered with white, dead fish bones. And you're walking in it and you don't realize it until you look down on it.

That's crazy. That is, all that is fish bones. Damn. See that? That person's walking. That is crazy. bones. See that? That person's walking, taking footsteps in fish bones that are so plentiful that they look like sand. And this is still his fish in it. There is, when Saddam Hussein was in power in Iraq, there was an area, I think in the

south of Iraq, it was, and there lived people called the Marsh Arabs, who had been there for millennia. And when he found out that a lot of the Iranian forces were using it as sort of a hotbed of insurgency and also using it for strategic stuff for the Iran-Iraq war, he, in one of the greatest ecological disasters ever committed by one man, drained the entire marsh. And if you go to pictures, go to pictures of the marsh Arabs in Iraq in the 70s, and you'll see what it looked like.

They'd been living there for thousands of years, thousands. It goes all the way back to Alexander the Great, and he drained it in the course of less than a year and burned it. Well, that gets back to what we were talking about when we were in the course of less than a year and burned it. Well, that gets back to what we were talking about when we were in the car. We were talking about hardcore history in the Mongols. Look at that. Look at that, the way they used to live.

Some people just take things. That's a painting, though. Some people just take things to a completely different level when it comes to aggression and psychotic behavior, and it becomes a total game changer it's just like no one knows what to do it takes hundreds of years to recover from what this person does they say that the middle east never really recovered from what the mongols did in 2020 12 20 12 or 6 or 12 20 or something whatever it was somewhere in the 1200s they were saying about iraq like that was one of the big ones that baghdad at one point in time was

like one of the cultural centers of the world Yeah filled with intellectuals, but after the Mongols came the description was that the river ran red with blood and black with ink Yeah, so all these Islamic scholars who at the time like people have this idea of Islam especially when it comes to History like the history of the world has as being this barbaric or very violent group that's willing to kill you because you draw their cartoon character guy. Yeah, obviously there are people like that out there that believe in that. But if you go back to the history of the religion, at one point in time, they were at the front of the line.

When it came to science and philosophy, they were at the front of the line. That's right. When it came to science and philosophy, they were at the front of the line. And a lot of people argue that what the Mongols did literally changed the age of the Enlightenment for them. That's right, because what they did to the Chinese and the Middle East allowed the Europeans, who are nowhere close to as technologically advanced as philosophically or even as as um culturally advanced as say the middle east it allowed them to gain ground on both china and the middle east because of what the mongols did to them because they had destroyed in the course of you know over the years just destroyed their the centers of their civilization their

infrastructure their their canals for our agriculture all of their civilization, their infrastructure, their canals for agriculture, all of their, just essentially their culture, killed their best and their brightest. Yeah, it's really amazing how many people they killed. When you look at the number that Dan Carlin cites, it's somewhere around 50 million, they believe, that died within his lifetime as a result of the decisions that he made and the orders that he had carried out. Somewhere around 50 million people. He believed, you know, one of the things he ends the thing with saying, say what you will, the force of his nature, the strength of his nature.

He truly believed he was this divine spirit who had a mission to remake the world in his mind's eye. Like he was the center of the universe and everything belonged to him and his legacy. Yeah. What a crazy way to think to begin with. And the fact that it worked and he did it all on horseback. Yeah. Did it all on horseback and he had an amazing ability which one of the one of the things i found most unique about this uh narration by uh dan carlin was when he was

talking about how the guy would when he would find people that were really talented that were the enemy he would recruit them yeah like a guy shot him off of his fucking horse shot his horse from under him and then he made him one of his generals and he named him the arrow Yeah, this is a guy Jebby Jebby the arrow Yeah like the idea that you would take a guy who tried to fucking kill you and shot your horse out from under you and Then say dude you're a pretty fucking good shot. You give him some knuckles Hey, you want to fucking kill everybody in the world together like all right? I'm in all right guys that you know how to orgy together or something, did some opium.

Yeah. And had a good old time. Yeah, he could spot talent. Well, he would take people that were, he would capture people, and he would find out, does anybody do anything? Any of you motherfuckers have any skills? Because if you don't have any skills, I'm going to kill you. But if you've got some skills, let me know what you do. Right.

You know? And people would say, hey, I'm a surgeon. Or, hey, were there even surgeons back then? Probably. Probably. I could have been a surgeon back then. How about that? You would have been like, I'm a black. Or hey, were there even surgeons back then? Probably. I could have been a surgeon back then. How about that? You would have been like, I'm a black belt in jiu-jitsu.

What's that? Come roll with me. I'll show you some shit. You would. You'd survive. Oh, I would have to. That's what I'd have to do. I'd be like, come on, one of you bitches, let's wrestle.

Just get them in a guillotine real quick. Arm bar. I bet they knew some shit, actually. When you think about it, Mongolian wrestling, but do you think it went back as far as 1200? It had to have. It had to have. I mean, I don't know if much of they talked about it because they were so busy killing each other with arrows and swords and shit and spears and catapults.

I don't think the wrestling was like paramount. You're talking about a group of people, though, that fought with their hands up close, eyeball to eyeball, and did it. And all the guys that we're talking about who were coming into your village or your town had plenty of experience with that in that space. Like, when you're fighting for your life, when you're really killing somebody, I'd imagine it's a very different muscle. You're using very different muscles. You're using a very different mindset. So I would imagine they had a lot of martial sense. muscle if you're using very different muscles you're using a very different mindset so i would imagine they had a lot of martial sense they they probably were pretty pretty good with hand-to-hand

combat yeah they probably knew like i mean you think about like the the early days of martial arts there was most certainly a lot of faulty technique and faulty ideas they they had not taken the most uh the most effortless path or the the most technical path they hadn't figured it out yet like there's there's certainly some evidence that indicates that because by the time we got like the the highest versions of martial arts in like the 50s and the 60s and the 70s if you really compare some of the the top guys to like what's what's possible today it seems like it's evolved many, many, many, many, many, many, many times.

I think so. I think Hector Lombard's putting a beat down on any fucking Mongol there is. Every one that ever walked the earth. Hector Lombard's punching through your fucking stupid Mongol face. No doubt. But those Ruslan Provodnikov type dudes,

that's like the same type of dude. That's like, that guy's an animal. Did you see those pictures of him in the post fight where he pissed black no yes he put it on his instagram he's doing his urine sample and he pissed black god yeah him and lucas batiste i haven't even seen the fight yet i got it saved in my dvr i was on the road have mercy they went to war apparently it's a fucking unbelievable fight apparently i haven't seen it. Was this UFC? HBO Boxing.

Oh, I'm sorry. Provodnikov. I'm sorry. Black urine shows real brutality of boxing. Like, look at his Instagram. Go to his Instagram. Look at that. Look at that picture, man.

That's not a Diet Coke. That's his piss. What? Yep. That's what his urine came out like. Oh, no. After 12 rounds of piss. What? Yep. That's what his urine came out like. Oh, no. After 12 rounds of war. God damn it.

That's crazy. Yeah. How about that fight with Bradley? It's the craziest fight I've ever seen in my life. Amazing fight. And I think that the genetics that come from that area, you know, there's from Siberia that area, you know,

there's from Siberia and from the step and Mongols. And there's like the genetics of survivors of hundreds of years, thousands of years of oppression and war. Yeah. And he's like, it's almost a distillation of like the strongest, I mean, the strongest survive just to be born and live to maturity. People don't like that because it seems to like to indicate like some sort of

cruelty of nature but i think to really not be objective about it is real cruelty because then you're if you're not if you're not expressing it for what it really is you're not you're not seeing it for what it really is and expressing it in an honest way if you're you're expressing it through an ideology you're doing everybody a massive disservice. Because it's pretty obvious that aggression was necessary and beneficial to get us to here. I think everybody recognizing that would help the idea of like, okay, so if we really did need to do certain military actions in order to stop certain psychos from from growing and Marching forward and taking over giant chunks of land just like they have throughout the Mongol days and this person in film There's always been someone that does that right so you need some sort of defense to hold that off Oh, we agreed and then anybody who doesn't agree then you got a real kumbaya problem because you gotta go listen, dude

Have you ever seen really crazy people have you ever been around someone who's willing to kill you for money for? Fame for women for your women for your water water rights There's there's people out there that aren't playing by the rules you're playing by where did you grow up Pasadena? That's a great place Pasadena is a great place the tartar steps. Yeah, it's not Istanbul you fuck You know you know you there's it's not in the middle It's not in the middle of Baghdad in a place It doesn't even have a roof anymore because the soldiers blew it off with their robot flying thing No changes you yeah, of course it does of course it does so anybody that doesn't think you need some sort of military force

Until that is all eradicated so that becomes like the real question. You've got to figure out how do you eradicate all the shitty pockets of life on Earth. And I don't mean like eradicate the people. I mean eradicate the problems that make those people shitty. That's a good way to say it, by the way, because you have to eradicate the problems and the way a country, the institutions that give rise to evil people. If you have a society that's structured, if you have institutions that are structured

so that the only way to get ahead is if you're a bad, if you're an amoral motherfucker, then you're going to have people like Genghis Khan et al. rise to the top. You can't. It's the way a society is structured. You know, they always talk about we have to cure poverty or whatever. The United States is powerful because of its strength of institution. It's powerful because we have courts that mean something, because we have property rights where you own a house and you actually are secure as an American that somebody's not

going to come in and take your house. Very few countries share that luxury today in 2015. And courts that are objective, that just because you have a lot of money, and I know there are exceptions to this, but just because you have a lot of money, you're getting off for sure. No. We have courts where if you have a lot of money and you kill somebody and you get caught, you have big problems. If you're a cop and you're caught on video shooting somebody, you have big problems. Well, cops don't have a lot of money, but rich people have been able to really finagle systems with good lawyers.

I mean, that is a problem. It is. That certainly is a problem. But not to the extent that it is in so many other countries. The corruption is not as blatant as it is in so many other countries. I think there's no denying that. I think the real question becomes one of the customary actions that we've taken. Because what I mean by that is, if you look at people from where we are right now at the,

the, you know, 21st century, 2015, and you consider what people were like just maybe a hundred years ago, 200 years ago. Like there's never really been a time where people have had this method of communicating with each other. So when we used to, we didn't, not only do we not know what was going on in Japan,

we had no connection to it. You would read some stuff on paper. There's a guy from Japan that wants to fuck us up. This is crazy. And you would have no connection to those people. And you just knew there's a people over there just just like Lord of the Rings just like you know fill in the blank any war movie from you know the Mongols to whatever the Romans this idea that you would have this group of people that was waiting to come over and fuck you up that doesn't really work anymore

it does because there's satellites everywhere we see everything we send information everybody but this has all happened inside of our lifetime so Because there's satellites everywhere. We see everything. We send information to everybody. But this has all happened inside of our lifetime. So there's been a change that's taken place that I don't think we're really fully aware of yet. There's this weird connection thing that we have to literally everybody on the world. Well, also remember that when you had an enemy, even in World War II, the first thing you did was you got your soldiers to believe that that enemy over there, they were subhuman. They weren't human.

They were subhuman. And you see it over and over again. Again, that's becoming harder and harder to do. Dan Carlin, not to bring it back to him, was also talking about how when you fought an enemy in World War I and you encountered your first line of germans or whatever you didn't know how far back that line went you didn't know if there were a million of them or if there were just a hundred thousand or two thousand so you just fought sort of not knowing just to not only the effect you were having on their on their forward momentum but also on their forward momentum, but also on their general population to begin with. Like, you just were fighting, and when they stopped fighting,

then you'd find out, holy shit, there were a million of them. We just fought these guys. So just think about that. Now we know where their regiments are. We know how far back they go. We know exactly how many people there are. We can plan accordingly. Well, not only that, we can talk to each other.

Yeah. That's a huge thing. What was missing was the only people that were we can talk to each other. Yeah. That's a huge thing. What was missing was the only people that were talking to each other were generals. I mean, the generals and presidents were the only people talking to each other. Listen, bitch, we're going to fuck you up. No, we're going to fuck you up for God. Bitch, God's on our side.

And wars would start because of these alliances and they would just be like, well, we're going to fight and break this alliance. And then you'd find out about it as a citizen. You'd be like, but I'm farming my to fight and break this alliance. And then you'd find out about it as a citizen. You'd be like, but I'm farming my land. I want to know how the fuck the Japanese got together with the Germans and the Italians. How the fuck did that happen?

Which war? World War II. I mean, I know how it happened, but how the fuck, if you look at the personalities of the different groups of people and the languages they speak, three completely different fucking languages, three completely different types of people, and all their dictators. They had a lot of trade and a lot of connection. But one of the things that the Germans, I mean, Hitler, wanted to create an axis, sort of a new world order, and he had a great deal of respect for the Japanese. He considered the Japanese the Aryans of the East.

And he had enormous respect for the British. Really? He considered them the Aryans of the East. And he had enormous respect for the British. Really? He considered them the Aryans of the East? Yes. How convenient. He loved their idea of Bushido, which was the idea of the way of the warrior. Japan had been in a low-grade war, a civil war, for really a thousand years. I mean, it was just constant battles between feudal shoguns, like these fiefdoms. Like a shogun would run fiefdoms. He'd hire mercenaries, and they would just fight for land. And that went on for really 310 years and about 1,000 years.

That's why they're swordsmen. And their ability, they were legendary archers, and they were just legendary and ferocious. I mean, when the Portuguese were trading with them, they came back and the first thing they said to their European rulers is they said, hey, a couple things you don't want them doing. Learning how to sail long distances and learning about a little something we call gunpowder. Don't give them gunpowder.

They are straight up the most ferocious group of motherfuckers on the planet. If they're late for something, they immediately request to kill themselves because they've dishonored their fanatical to authority. And, you know, that proved this tiny island took over a great deal of the world. They were insanely warlike and impossibly disciplined. And their version of martial arts to this day is being taught. Yeah. I mean, once you understand all the, like, Lyoto Machida, who lost this weekend,

but still, you know, a great all-time fighter. I mean, he's an amazing martial artist. And his style is Shotokan-based. It's based on that style of karate. And Judo is a Japanese invention, right? So, well, really, Jiu-jitsu is as well I mean Brazilian jiu-jitsu was modified by the Gracie's it's modified by Helio and Carlos Carlos They modified it and turned jiu-jitsu into what it would ultimately become they spent much more time on the ground fighting than the

Judokas, but a lot of the judokas even like a lot of the judokas even, like a lot of their techniques came from, there was an infusion of techniques where there's like some sort of a blurry crossroads between catch wrestling and judo. And some catch wrestlers also taught in Japan, like Carl Gotch and Billy Robinson. Those guys taught a lot of people in Japan, like Sakuraba was a student of catch wrestling.

And so he imparted that, like sort of a lot of catch wrestling submission holds, that style of attacking. He incorporated that in a lot of MMA fights and started a lot of people, not just in Japan, but all over the world fighting that style. So I think there's like, there's many different versions of what Japan has brought out to the rest of the world. There's many different versions. But as far as like martial arts, it's one of the rest of the world. There's many different versions, but as far as like martial arts It's one of the biggest contributors like ever They just figured out Aikido they figured out judo they figured out jiu-jitsu

They figured out submissions in a way that you really can't find parallel at the time I definitely think that the jiu-jitsu is better now than ever before and I think I credit that to the Brazilians I credit that to the Gracie's and the you know Brazil to this day still has a huge number of super high-level jiu-jitsu guys Worldwide it's it's evening out way more than it ever has before But I mean just the overall output and the origins of it and the fact that still called Brazilian jiu-jitsu Everybody calls it BJJ for a reason Yeah, you know they they they deserve all the credit and then there's still guys Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Everybody calls it BJJ for a reason. They deserve all the credit. And there's still guys like Jacare, which Jacare did this weekend at Chris Camosi, that

armbar setup. God, that transition. He's a magician. Artistic. Artistic. It's one of the most spectacular forms of applying a submission in a scramble that I've ever seen. Me too.

I didn't even know he was doing it. I went, what? How do you defend against that? You can't defend against that. He's an artist. I was going to put it on my Twitter feed. I'll retweet it earlier today. But I think Grappling World on Twitter, I think that's the ones who put it up.

They put up like a little 15 second gif, I guess it is, whatever it is, on Instagram. And you get to watch it. It's insane. He's so good. He's so goddamn good. It makes you wonder, though, with the Japanese, going back to them, how good they were as swordsmen. Like, what they could have done to you as a samurai. Well, that's, again, I think what we were talking about with the Mongols.

Like, they spent so much time on weapons. Because that's how you fought most of the time. Like how much time were they really spending on learning how to kick people in the face? Yeah. It's probably like a lot of what we think about the way people used to kick and punch and is based on movie depictions of it. And in movies like Enter the Dragon or any of these kind of crazy movies, they're trying to do the most impressive stuff. So they're throwing wheel kicks and jumping roundhouse kicks and jumping side kicks.

But in real combat, like Bruce Lee wrote very extensively about real combat situations. He was always completely fascinated by the concept of utilizing minimum effort, incorporating all the best techniques from all different martial arts and only doing what's effective and discarding what's useless. And he, you know, that Tao of Jeet Kune Do, he wrote extensively about all sorts of different martial arts. He even lifted whole packages, like paragraphs from other martial arts books and put them in there, and people would say, like, oh, he's plagiarizing. Well, no, no, no, what he was doing was collecting all the information.

Whether he attributed it to this book or he should have or I don't know. I agree. Intellectually, probably it's not the most honest thing to do, to not credit. Maybe he did credit. But my point is what his art was was absorbing everything. He didn't invent any new techniques. But what he did was he took the best stuff out of everywhere. And he incorporated a system based on his knowledge at the time.

He took in judo from Gene LaBelle. He had armbars. Yeah, I don't like the way you're talking about him. I don't like the way you're talking about him in the past 10. So you're suggesting he's dead? Personally, he's dead, brother. Wow. I guess you haven't read the secret history of the Chinese mafia.

Yeah. the secret history of the Chinese mafia. Yeah. But my point was that, like, that guy, what he had done is really kind of, not just unprecedented, but he was like the first big blip of this new concept, this new concept of just do what's useful.

What was possible? No, do what's useful. Everybody else before was in a tribe. I was in the Shotokan karate tribe. You're in the, you know, gong fu tribe. This guy's in the judo tribe. And there was very little exchanging of information. You know, I only started exchanging information when I started getting involved in kickboxing because I didn't have good boxing technique.

So I started working out at a boxing gym, and then I started hanging out with a dude who was doing some Muay Thai as well. And then I started learning about, about like leg kicks and all these different things and I remember thinking, god damn, I was so wrong. Like the camp of Taekwondo was good for a bunch of things, but it wasn't good for any of these things these guys were doing to me. I'm like, damn it, there's some holes

in this motherfucker. And that's the only way you would find out. The only way you would find out is by exploring these other martial arts. But until Bruce Lee came along, that was like taboo you were a traitor if you went to a different gym to train you were a fucking traitor i remember i remember having been a wrestler and then i went to iowa dan gables camp for i think it was two weeks it was a nightmare and uh three weeks and i you know and i got to wrestle with some of those NCAA, like Jim Zaleski, those Hawkeyes. And as

a 17-year-old and having wrestled, I kind of, I knew, I had a real appreciation for what a really good D1 college wrestler was about, you know? And not because I ever, I rolled around with those guys, but not because I, you know, it was just, they were teaching us. But I knew, I knew what

tough high school wrestlers were like. And i then to think about d1 wrestlers and then i'd start taking taekwondo when i went to uh washington dc and i used to say some of my friends i'd be like just know that if you're in a bar and you see a dude with closed up ears and he looks like he wrestles in college that's the guy to be afraid of it buy him a beer buy him a beer man buy him a beer because even if you punch him you you better punch him right. I remember going, I remember knowing, I was like, I don't know if my kicks are going to work against a dude with a neck like that. Well, in a way, it's kind of what we were talking about when we were talking about the

Mongols, where the Mongols lived this life of constant strain and effort, and they were so strong, and the strong survive anyway, like far as like how many i mean they lived in tents man these motherfuckers were constantly at war i'm sure their genes they were like what they had was warrior genetics you know and those people when they encountered regular soft people that lived inside these cities like they were they were like predators to them i mean they they had disdain for these people. Like, they were sheep. Like, they were cattle. Right.

Because they were so fucking strong. I mean, you're dealing with a guy who's a goddamn amateur wrestler, a serious competitive amateur wrestler. You're dealing with a kid who's probably been wrestling since he was a baby. It's all reaction for him. Everything's reaction. Not only that, his body has developed by throwing bodies around. Density. And much like you can't understand what it's like to lock up with that gorilla, you can't understand how much stronger a Division I wrestler is than you.

You really don't know. Unless you ever wrestle with one of those dudes and have them grab ahold of your wrists and pin you down and get out of submissions like it's nothing and you feel their posture power, they're like several times stronger than you expect. They're several times, that's right. If you get a guy who's like, here's a perfect example.

Habib Nurmagomedov. Okay, that motherfucker's a world sambo champion. It's a different kind of wrestling, but the point is he uses all wrestling. If you watch him fight, he's a relentless grappler and when he gets a hold of dudes they're shocked at how fucking strong he is i re-watched that dos anjos fight and the way he was on him dos anjos is a monster monster and he was just he was like a like an octopus just like a fucking just wouldn't get off his back he's a motherfucker

dude and he motherfuckers everybody like that he motherfuckers everybody like I'm so excited about this fight with Cowboy because I really want to see what cowboy does to stop him And I really want to see how he does with cowboy fighting cowboy on top because Cowboys guard is fucking nasty You know I don't I don't think we've ever seen anybody Threaten Habib with any sort of submission attempts before and I wonder what would happen I mean dos Anjos didn't get a chance man, but dos Anjos has never been like a guard player right anybody threaten Habib with any sort of submission attempts before. And I wonder what would happen. I mean, Dos Anjos didn't get a chance, man. But Dos Anjos has never been like a guard player.

Right. You know, he's not a big-time guard player. He's more of a top smash-you guy. Is he? Yeah, he's really good, man. He's so goddamn good. Like, what he did to Pettis was like, woo! Yeah.

That motherfucker's strong, too. He's strong and aggressive. If you were with Donald and Habib, I wonder... First of all, I think Donald has better hands and feet. Well, he and aggressive. But with Donald and Khabib, I wonder first of all, I think Donald has better hands and feet. Well, he definitely does. He definitely is a better striker, but Khabib is just so much stronger when it comes to grappling. But Donald, unlike the other guys,

is dangerous off his back. Donald has a nasty triangle. He's also taller, right? Yes, he is. He's long. He's got an awesome check knee to the body. He throws that check knee with the left side. He fucks guys up. And he mirrors it a lot of times or hides it behind punches. Like Donald, you'll see, will throw punches where he's not even intending to hit you.

He's just getting you to look at these. And if you think of moving in and then, boom, that knee comes to the body, he fucks guys up with that. He's putting on a show for you, man. He's dancing like a cobra. Yeah. You know, he hides kicks behind punches like he did that when he fought Jim Miller. He showed him the right hand and boom, the neck kick was right behind it. Damn.

You're looking at that right hand and this fucking neck kick comes along. Bang. And your legs go out. He's a motherfucker, dude. If he beats Khabib and this is going to be crazy. He's a motherfucker. They're both motherfuckers. Donald's a motherfucker and K. He's a motherfucker, dude. If he beats Khabib, and this is going to be crazy. He's a motherfucker. They're both motherfuckers. Donald's a motherfucker, and Khabib's a motherfucker.

That could be easily a world championship fight. That's easily world championship caliber fighters. I love when they asked him about Conor McGregor and Khabib. He says he's a very, very good fighter, but if he won't come to 155, he's welcome. I make him welcome, he's welcome. I make him welcome. He starts hitting his elbow. He's welcome. Good job keeping that guy off you if you're supposed to be fighting 10 pounds longer than you are. Good luck.

Especially if you're not a wrestler first. Yeah, well, listen, man. I wouldn't say that Conor can't fight at 155. What I would say is that if he's competing successfully at the top at 150 145 like he is right now The transition time unless he's doing some Mexican supplements He's gonna be a long transition time to put on the the right amount of weight to compete at that level world of difference Right. Yeah, because he's pretty elite at 145 in his movement in his endurance Like he's not having any problems and he hasn't granted

He hasn't been in a real war and that's what everybody really wants to see everybody really wants to see him against a wrestler because everybody we've seen has tried to stand up with him he's got nasty hands man nasty power nasty accuracy super aggressive with his striking disdainful almost with his stance and his movement towards you it's shocking his confidence and i think that fucks with a lot of people's heads man a lot of people when he comes at you And it's he's been talking shit about you for months already made you feel like an asshole You can't you got boy to get you the cage You know everybody's thinking like and then by the time you get in there like you've suffered a mental beating already

Whether you know it or not like you're you're at a deficit. I said I asked him where his confidence comes from So why how did you like you know he said TZ he's how it has two belts He was a European national champion of boxing. He's got another belt for something else, but I said where does this come from? This is my work ethic I said I know but a lot of guys work hard because they think they work hard But they don't I am I if it does not involve the fight game. It does not involve me And that was it he goes other guys have extracurricular activities. I don't.

I count my money and I fight. And those are the two things I like to do. He's a game changer. He's a game changer. He's like Chael times two. Best thing that ever happened to Jose Aldo's career and profile. Unless it goes down the way Conor thinks it's going to go down, then it's probably the worst thing to have some guy come along and humiliate you

and thenate you, and then fuck you up, and you leave with a check. You were one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world, but if Conor could do to him what he did to Dustin Poirier, that would be the most shocking thing we've ever seen inside the octagon. It would be crazy. Do you compare Dustin Poirier as a fighter to Jose Alvaro? Of course not. No, and that's no disrespect to Dustin,

because I think Dustin was doing himself a disservice by cutting down to 145. I think he looked fucking sensational in his last fight. He looked amazing at 55. He looked comfortable. He looked thick. He was moving well. He was still fast as shit. I think Dustin's a big boy, and I think those guys that cut down to 45 like that,

fuck, your body's getting tortured. And you can kind of bounce back from it. And when you're younger, it's easier than when you get get older when you've been in the game a long time and your body's been taking kicks and punches and you know you're dehydrating every few months and then rehydrating and like after a while that shit is gonna pay you're gonna pay a price it's gonna pay its toll and um you i think that a guy who is a really good fighter that cuts less weight and has a less great advantage, but has a full healthy body and all of the endurance that comes with that and all the peace of mind, knowing that you slept well and ate well and your body feels really rested, you probably are better off somewhere on the comfortable side of that than in the comfortable side of too dehydrated

Because those are the people that wind up looking almost like there's points in it where they're almost like Helpless because their body has dehydrated so much and the gruelingness of the fight There's some guys you never see do it like some guys pull it off like Benson Henderson He pulls it off man. He pulls it off like you never see that guy tired You never see that guy worn out. And he loses a lot of weight. But then when you saw him fight against Brandon Thatch, what you saw is one

guy who's enormous, Thatch, who's huge for 170. He cuts a lot of weight. So big. And Benson wasn't cutting hardly any weight at all, if any, to fight at 170, because he usually fights at 155. Worked for him. Fucking great! And part of it, you have to consider consider is that Benson is a guy with way more experience, way more ways to win, and a way better ground game.

I mean, Benson has a legitimate black belt ground game. And his manager and trainer, John Crouch, he's legit as they come. Benson is super good on the ground. He's very good on the ground. Despite the fact that Pettis caught him in that arm bar, that was just so goddamn quick and perfect. Yeah. But when you look at his real ground game, like when he fought that, you realize, like,

you know what, man? Like, it might be better if he fought bigger guys and he was healthy. It might be better because he's so technical. Like, it's not about, it's like, the guys who rely on slugging it out and smashing and Hulk smashing dudes, those guys have to be really big for their weight class. Right. But the guys who fight like Benson or like Frankie, super technical, super endurance, constantly on you,

you know, always cutting angles, always making you work, always pushing you, always putting pressure on you. I think Benson Henderson is, you know, can keep me with anybody in 70s, certainly Robbie Lawler and any of those guys in Johnny Hendricks. He's kind of a very similar, he's just as tall, might be a little shorter, but for the most part, I think that there's nobody in the 70-pound weight class that I think gives him a beating, including Carlos Conley. Well, you know, I mean, he could be a champion in 170. Everybody says that's ridiculous because it's so,

but look, man, that fucking weight class is nuts All right Anybody in any given night in that weight class could be a champion same with 55 Rory McDonald could be a champion Robbie Lawler is the champion. I mean the either one of those guys could be champion You know I mean Condit could still be champion. Yeah, Woodley could be champion Hector Lombard could be champion I forgot about Hector. I keep forgetting about about guys like Hector. He's out for a year. Yeah, steroids. For the juices, my friend. He had the juices. I thought he said that anybody who does steroids

should be banned for life. Did he say something like that? Someone gave him a drink, my friend, and he did not know what it was. That's outrageous. Somebody rubbed oil on his body when he wasn't looking. There's some translation issues between Spanish and English on the pharmacy. I don't know, man.

Who fucking knows? Oh, God. I always forget, though, whenever we talk about the 85-pound weight class, 70-pound. I forget about him, and I forget about guys like Yoel Romero. Well, he's 70 now. He went down to 70. Hector's at 170. But Yoel Romero, he's another beast, man.

It was a bummer that he didn't get to fight Jacare this weekend. That would have been insanity. What happened to him? His knee? He got hurt. He hurt his knee. Damn it. Fuck.

That was an insane fight, and then it became an insane demonstration. See if you can find that gif of Jacare, Armbar, and Chris Camosi. I think if I had to put money on the Yoel Romero-Jacare fight, I'd go with Jacare because I still think Joel Romero, if he's fighting five rounds, if it's four and five, he starts to gas because there's just so much muscle to feed. So the top one is the guard pass, which was equally ridiculously impressive. And the bottom one is the actual armbar, Jamie. Yeah, that's the guard pass. Look at his neck. Look at all the weight he put on him Jamie. Yeah, that's the guard pass. We just put all that.

Look at his neck. He put on him with one shoulder where his whole body's up. Priest turn off ad block. Fuck you, man. Bitches running scripts on your shit. Find it on another. Go to another website. But anyway, point being, this era that we're living in right now is like greatest ever for martial arts, I think.

I don't think there's ever been a time ever in my life where I've seen this level of execution on a scale like this. It just didn't exist before. It didn't exist when you combine the skill level of the kickboxers, like the glory kickboxers, skill level of the guys that are coming out of Thailand. It's just all a sharing of ideas, ideas right everybody's sharing their own techniques yeah well you can watch them online now too that helps a lot yeah and there's I just think that overall jiu-jitsu muay thai kickboxing and MMA I don't think there's ever been a time that has been even close to be Represented the way martial arts are represented today, but that's just part of it The real impressive thing was the the transition to that they were in a scramble. That's just the end of it They were in a scramble and Jacare

Dove on his arm and threw a leg over and then hooked him under his leg To keep him from rolling out of it And then scooted his hips to the left and I was watching I was like that is art. That's ballet. He's a master I think I know what was happening right away, right? Yeah, I knew he was going for the arm As soon as I saw him, I think I probably yelled it out He's diving for an arm But I could tell that he does that all the time some guys don't like to do that because it's a tricky transition between like sometimes from the back some guys will say you know what this guy is defending the choke too good I'm going to set up the arm bar like um Husamar Paul Hares did

that uh to Ivan Salivary he went from the the back to an arm bar there's a video of him doing that same exact transition to Jason Miller. I think that he's got a lot of techniques like that where he can transition from the back to something else. Jacare does. Like, he's got, like, levels of transitions that other people just don't know. Like, I was watching Kamoze and I was seeing Kamoze trying to figure out what Jacare was doing while he was doing it. It was so high level,

dude. It was so high level. If you're a guy who does jiu-jitsu and you watch how this transition flows, this is not it. You've got to go through. It's before that. Yeah, but it's before that. They missed the whole thing.

See, this is just an arm bar. This is an arm bar, and it's impressive. But that's not it's they missed the whole thing. So this is just an arm bar This is an arm bar and it's impressive, but that's not what's impressive What was impressive was the full transition go to that grappling world Instagram Grappling world on Instagram. That's where I said it was a you could see the whole thing, but the way he does it It's like you have to have this insane knowledge of where to put your legs in the transition Where he's gonna likely wind up where his legs gonna kick and legs in the transition, where he's going to likely wind up, where his leg's going to kick, and there's so much data that he's calculating, and it's all based on technique. It's minimal effort.

None of that that he did was strength. And that's like the most pure expression of martial arts. I mean, he's certainly strong as fuck. Strength certainly aided him in pulling off the move, don't get me wrong. But what I'm saying is that move was pulled off because of his perfect technique. I mean, you have to be a physically strong person to do anything to a

jiu-jitsu person. But there was no resistance there. If you look, there was defense, but the way he moved into that position, he was never resisted. Because he was so far ahead of Kamoze technically. Like, in the dive, Kamoze was like, oh shit, he's diving! Where's his legs going? Oh fuck! Oh shit! He was far ahead of camozzi technically like in the dive camozzi like oh shit. He's diving. He's going fuck He was ahead of him. He was way ahead of you. He's way ahead

That's why when you roll with really good guys they are ahead of you they've been there before they've seen what you're gonna Do they can predict what you're gonna do yeah, and sometimes if they're really good They can get you to think you're gonna do something you do that They already know you're gonna do that and then on it. That's what makes Jacare truly special. You know, there's two runnings right now for the number one contender after this Chris Weidman-Vitor Belfort fight. There's Jacare, who won on the...

And then Luke Rockhold. Yeah. And I think Luke Rockhold made a giant statement by beating Machida and smashing him and choking him. Didn't Luke Rockhold beat Jacare in Strikeforce? Yes, he did. He did. What's your take on that? It's a very good fight. Look, I think Rockhold beat Jacare in Strike Force? Yes, he did. He did. What's your take on that?

It's a very good fight. Look, I think Rockhold against anybody is a very good fight. Rockhold is a motherfucker, dude. No denying it now. Not a good-looking guy either. The only reason why anybody gets laid is because Rockhold didn't get there first. It's just a fact. If Rockhold got there first, there would be no pussy for anybody else.

That's the bottom line. He's a handsome bastard. But more importantly, what he does inside the Octagon is there first, there would be no pussy for anybody else. That's the bottom line. He's a handsome bastard. But more importantly, what he does inside the Octagon is super unusual, man. He's a long guy. It's like Javier Mendez explained it to me in the cage after the fight when I was congratulating him and Bob Cook. Javier said he's long and he's strong. You usually don't get those two together. Oh.

Because he's a long dude, but he's also yoked as fuck. He's not like a long, skinny, Hodger Gracie type grappler dude. He's long and he's a long dude, but he's also yoked as fuck. He's not like a long skinny hodger Gracie type grappler dude He's long and he's yoked and he trains on a daily basis with Kane motherfucking for last Yeah, I didn't know that's right and Daniel Cranial motherfucking Cormier every day This guy's going to war with the biggest killer the heavyweight division has ever known outside war This is just two guys that you can ever consider to be the greatest heavyweights ever. There's one who's in the UFC, Cain Velasquez, and one from Pride, Fedor.

Both of whom are, don't have, if I saw him on the beach, I would be like, that guy used to work out. That's what I'd say. Perfect way of describing Fedor. Yeah, he used to work out. Well, in the day, the earlier days of his career, he was a little thicker. Like, there's been this picture of him standing in front of the kettlebells. Kettlebells, yeah.

What a great picture to jerk off to. 100%. I've dropped a number of loads. Straight loads, but still. I'm a straight man. I just admire. I love that. Ah, you Russian bear.

You fucking Russian bear. The size of your tendons are bigger, right? Your traps. Yeah, there he is. Oh, God. Long legs. Stud. All-time great.

High insertion calves. I mean, it's hard to say. He doesn't shave his chest, does he? Does he? He doesn't. He doesn't give a fuck. It's hard to say who would have won in a fight in his prime versus Kane in his prime because they came in in two totally different eras.

Yeah. And if you want to look at accomplishments, boy, it's really hard to discount Fedor beating Crow Cop, Fedor beating pretty much everybody they put in front of him in Pride. I mean, he really beat some of the best in the world. And the heavyweight division in Pride back then was probably, outside of Tim Sylvia and Frank Mir, who in their prime could give anybody a hard time, that was probably the strongest heavyweight division the world has ever known.

Because everybody, first of all, was allowed to do all sorts of Mexican supplements. This is true. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted. And you were dealing with guys who were fighting for a lot of fucking money. I mean, there was a, you got, think about it, you got Alexander Milianenko. You got Krokop. You got Krokop in his prime

when he was head-kicking Wendelay to sleep. Yeah. You know? Oh, my good googly moogly. You got Minotauro who was fighting off his back and triangling Mark Coleman

off his back. Like, Coleman in his prime! Coleman was strong as fuck dude There's nothing a triangle just a head and shoulders Minotaur oh when he was off his back was special dude He he would he represented a thing that no one had ever seen before a real legit Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt Who's a fucking bonafide heavyweight who strangles guys off of his back? Why don't I talk about Torre because he was like the Minotaur he you you got lost in the maze of his jiu-jitsu or what was it mmm? That's a good question. I don't know I'm gonna guess that's what it is cuz you don't get lost in minotaur. Oh's maze

Maybe maybe it's just like he's half bull You know so fucking strong. Yes, tough. He's that guy was tough Yeah, just another level of toughness so So you think about Minotaur, okay. Fedor beats him in his prime, and Fedor beat Crow Cop in his prime. Josh Barnett and him never fought when Josh was in his prime. Kevin Randleman, remember that? He beat Kevin Randleman. He suplexed him.

No, Kevin Randleman suplexed him, and then he got him in an armbar just moments later. So he's not good enough. I'll break this. Okay, top. That was the craziest transition. Dude, he was a motherfucker. He was a motherfucker. Fedor was a motherfucker.

And his timing. His timing with those shots. Fantastic. And his ability to knock guys out. Insane. And Andrei Arlovsky knocked him out. In the air.

But that was, by the way, a fight where Arlovsky was picking him apart. Yes, it was. And that was a fight where a lot of people looked at it and went, hmm, this guy's got some holes. And it was also a fight where he was criticized by his old trainer. His trainer was saying, you know, he's up to his old tricks. He won with a trick. He's like, but he didn't prepare for this properly.

Oh. His trainer was vocal about that. Yeah, because Orlovsky was training with Freddie Roach, I think. I think you're right. Yeah. Well, Orlovsky got crazy and went with that flying knee. And if he didn't go with that flying knee, who knows what would happen.

If he continued to pick him apart like that, it could have been crazy. It could have been crazy to watch Fedor get kickboxed. But Orlovsky, at least on paper, was a very formidable kickboxing threat. He had one-punch knockout power, laser-straight right hand. me through a right hand that when he knocked out Paul

Buentelo like early in the first round he threw a right hand was like a bolt So yeah, he comes off his shoulder hits you in your chin. You know what the fuck happened. He's so fast When Arlovsky was in his prime dude people were terrified of him remember the first time he came in there They get this 240pound guy who moved like a small man, with that ponytail. Well, when Fedor got to him, he had lost a few, and he'd been out of the UFC, and he was fighting for

affliction. Still, he still was pretty formidable. So Kane, him, in five rounds, who knows? That's the problem. You'd have to have a time machine, you'd have to coordinate. What version of Kane? Before the first fight with Junior Dos Santos?

Before the second fight with Junior Dos Santos? You know, I mean, Junior Dos Santos knocked him out in the first fight. And then they went to fucking war for two fights in a row. And those fights, you've got to think, like, man, Fedor obviously lost a step somewhere along the way. And you have to attribute it, if you don't attribute it to his focus. I don't know what his focus was in training. If his coach is saying something like that, it could be that he was kind of getting tired of fighting.

Or it could be the goddamn wars he went through. I mean, nobody rides for free when it comes to those crazy fucking 10-minute rounds they would fight. Not to mention the sparring sessions that he would go through. You know, we were talking to Tony Jeffries about this, and he was calculating. And he had 106 fights, 26 of which were pro, I think. And he said, if you look at all the rounds I fought to prepare for those 106 fights, and this is when I became an amateur. It was not when I was a kid.

He calculated he takes about, he took over 55 55 000 shots to the head god damn 55 000 and that's typical for a lot of boxers because you've got to take into account the the five jabs just the five jabs you take around even if they're light uh when you're sparring it It's so crazy. Yeah, so crazy when you you know when you Just think about all the different micro Injuries and different times the brains are rattling against a skull with different little things that have little connective tissue That's separating or twisting or popping or I know but don't you need some of that in life? Like I was gonna ask you, you know trauma Well somebody in dan collins pocket

this french general i think or a british general said we have to have war because if man doesn't have war we'll we'll dissolve into materialism i thought all right whatever that sounds like a general but but there is something to be said about a conflict-free world as we were talking about and i was wondering like and i was just trying to like draw a through line to the people i really connect with. My really good friends. The friends that I have. And it's not that they're all... I better be on that list, bitch.

You are. But it's not that they're all fighters necessarily. But they definitely have and continue to sort of live in a world that is not, of course, like the Mongols. But they keep themselves a little uncomfortable. They are always in touch with kind of coming up with their own, with a sense of reality. Well, that's why I told you before, you're the only dude that I'd ever ask to go to Montana to sleep when it's fucking nine degrees outside in a little cloth house. It's horrible. None of the other comics we know are really going to hack that.

I don't think Duncan, and I love him, and Tony Henscliffe are going to like hiking up those mountains in that cold. Tony might get down with it. I'm telling you. Tony might get down with it. That little fucker, he's a determined little weasel. Really? I shouldn't say weasel. I meant to say, not weasel, badger.

He's a golden pony. He's a golden pony. I meant badger. He's a determined little, he's like, weasels are tough little fucking animals, by the way. That's a weird thing. Like, weasel became somehow or another... No, they're tough as shit. ...became an asshole.

Like, weasels kill cobras, don't they? Well, I think they're... Is that a weasel that kills? Mongoose kills a cobra. They're the mongoose family, yeah. They're tough little fuckers. But when you say weasel, you're like, oh, the dude's weasel-y. Right.

I mean, he's not to be fucked with. Tony will rise up. He will figure out... With a pack on his back and that cold? Eh, you know what, man? Physically, he's not to be fucked with Tony will rise up He will figure out with a pack on his back and that cold yeah, you know what man Physically is not exactly designed for it. Yeah, he's not designed for it, but he's a tough little fucker right look at that This photo of a baby weasel flying. That's a Photoshop. Oh Come on Someone caught this a baby weasel? How did it get on this bird? I don't believe it.

What? Why don't you believe it? It could happen. Really? Yeah. How? The world's crazy. Why is that so weird?

That's amazing. Some baby weasel figured out how to jump on this fucking bird's back? I'm telling you right now, I think it's completely photoshopped. Listen, we know weasels exist. We know birds can fly. Why would it be so hard to imagine? Perhaps you're right. Perhaps the weasel jumped on its back and went on an adventure.

With all the fucking variables in the world when it comes to wildlife, that this couldn't take place? Watch this. I don't think that bird would be able to hang on. No. The weasel would be able to hang on. Look at his little... But also, that weasel doesn't have any strength. Yeah.

That's a baby. That bird's not letting that weasel on him. Jamie, please Snopes this and get back to us with the final results. It's actually real. Wow. Come on. Jamie says it's actually real. I'm still crying.

I'm still calling bullshit. Don't call bullshit. Wow, there's another picture of it. Weasel catches a ride on a woodpecker. What does that guy do? That guy's a liar. That guy fucked that woodpecker. That's Ariel Sharon.

Is he? I don't know. That's the guy who caught it on camera? Wow. Better not be lying, dude. Yeah, he's lying. Those hacksaws dudes are going to find you. They'll find you.

You can't lie to them. Yeah. They have elite skills with the Photoshop layers. Remember that? Like, these Photoshop guys were going over the fucking image that Obama's birth certificate. Look, it's clearly been doctored in Photoshop. God. Photoshop!

They're ridiculous. Do you know anything about that, Jamie? The layers of the Photoshop argument when it comes to Obama's Obama's birth certificate was doctored in Photoshop. I'll show you. Doctored. If you watch, if you take it apart, the image

is several files. Some of them files. He's from fucking Kenya. Several. From several fowls. How about this? How about he's from Hawaii, which is not America anyway? How about that?

You know what? How about he's from a fucking, he's from a country we stole from a really nice group of people. Yeah, they were sweet. We say it's an island. It's just a small country. That's what it is. I agree.

Hawaiians are Hawaiians. They're not Americans. I mean, they are American in the sense that we'll take them in, protect them with the Constitution and the military of the United States of America. Pearl Harbor, never forget. They're in our protectorate. Look at Barack. But what I'm saying is, Hawaii, oh, shit. There's two different pictures, and photoshopped him in there?

Maybe. Maybe? Hmm. Where's the hand? Where's that left hand? He's got it up her ass in that second picture. Interesting. Hmm, this is not real.

Hmm. Oh, these are hilarious. These are hilarious. Chunk of ear edge missing? Oh, Jesus Christ. It's not even a high resolution photo, you fucking weirdos. So annoying. Don't they understand the difference between looking at something with a white background

and looking at something with a black background? Go up to that ear. I'll disprove this right now, you fucking dummy. See the difference? See where the transition is? The transition is right where the white meets the black. You know why it happens? Because the fucking camera picks it up like that.

Again, to bring it back, this is becoming the Dan Carlin podcast, but he said something really cool about how people like conspiracy theories because it's really hard to believe that the random just happens or that one man like lee harvey oswald can change the course of history with a bullet and that's a lot harder to believe than you know a group of people who were very organized ended up doing what they did. And it's human. We all want a logical explanation, not a random one, not the fact that we're fragile enough that one man can fuck everything up with a good bullet or a good bomb. It's just it's that time where that was possible.

I wonder if that's possible today. And it's certainly to a lesser extent. Certainly there's a weirder connection that people share today than they've ever done before. And I wonder how much we realize about how that's shaping societies, how it's shaping just human civilization as a human, you know, we were talking about before, as a gigantic superorganism. Superorganism that relied on aggression to get to a certain point of innovation.

And then once it got to that certain point of innovation, what, when does it no longer need aggression? And when does it need like a realization of what it actually is instead of aggression? When does it need a real realization? Like, listen,

listen, the only way that's going to work out for everybody is we got to act for everybody. That's the only way. If the human race just treats everybody that way, like you have to like find where the weak spots are, prop them up, figure out why they're fucked up,

engineer them correctly. You know, as far as social engineering, education, counseling, are you saying that we should do unto others is that you, we'd have them do unto us as rabbi. Hello.

And a guy named Jesus Christ said, and once you get to a point where you have something called the internet and people can exchange these ideas and exchange these points of view and these expressions like this is how I feel about you, this is how you feel about me when you communicate like this, you communicate like this in real time in a way that's never happened before. So they're not like these weird people in Germany that you don't know that they have this guy standing on top of a podium and he's screaming shit

out and you're like what's going on over there why are they all marching why are they all goose-stepping like that what are they doing with the Jews like what the fuck is going on over there and you're reading things about in the paper and you're trying to take these little printed words and piece them into a narrative that makes sense in your head you're reading the New York Times every morning to find out what's the news with Europe. What's going on over there with our boys? And you want to look into the paper trying to find out how the score is of the war. And you're listening to the radio at night.

The fucking radio! You're listening to the radio! It's crazy. Explaining. You would go to the movies and they would show a clip, a highlight war reel clip of the news while you were waiting for your movie to start. I know. What the fuck? It was very controlled, too.

Your information was controlled. War was actually kind of presented in a very sanitized way as well. And in many ways still is. Like the idea that when you get hit with a heavy artillery you come apart there are not holes in your body we don't show a lot of that stuff you know probably shouldn't but well shouldn't we wouldn't wouldn't it be good for people to know what the fuck they're signing i don't know i know that the i know that the logic was always that you you censored media during wartime and didn't let them show the really horrific stuff because it was bad for morale among troops and at home.

Does that make sense to you? I don't know enough about what it's like to motivate young men to go to battle. I don't know enough about what it's like to be a general or a person in power when I'm in a wartime situation. or a person in power when I'm in a wartime situation. I don't know what it's like to have the very existence of my country under threat the way we were in World War II when those kinds of policies were made. So I don't know, man. I think I'd have a very different point of view if I was, that's all. And I think we'd all have very different points of view

and would do very, very different things and behave maybe a lot like the leaders we criticize if we were under the kinds of responsibilities and pressures that the leaders we talk about were under. I think that if I were the emir, the caliphate of Baghdad, and I knew that the Mongols were doing what they were doing to people and they were on the way to see me, I'd be pretty ruthless with any kind of dissent, any kind of Mongol sympathy, and I would be pretty ruthless with anybody who wasn't pitching in for the very survival of my town or my city.

Right, because the consequences are so high of not taking it seriously and not being aggressively prepared. Yes. The consequences are so high of not taking it seriously and not being aggressively prepared. Yes. The question becomes, like, how, if ever, is it possible that because of the fact that we can communicate with each other all across the world instantaneously, how is it possible that we move past the idea of armed conflicts entirely? Like, isn't it possible? It is possible, and it's already kind of happening.

How can you say that when we're going to war? I mean, we're in the middle of pulling out of Iraq and Afghanistan while maintaining thousands of troops. We have bases all over the world. There's this ISIS shit that's going on. Because overall, if you look at the number of violent deaths from 2000 until 2015, according to Steven Pinker in his very well-researched book called The Angels of Our Better Nature, essentially said, proves and makes the case that fewer people have died violently in that span of time, even with the Congo, even with the Middle East,

even with all the things that go on, in comparison to any other time of epoch, any other time in history. comparison to any other time of epoch, any other time in history. And it seems that a lot of countries, like China, for example, China, yes, rattles its sword at Taiwan and things, but China gains a great deal more from being an economic powerhouse. Military powerhouse just isn't. And I maintain this case with Iran. Iran wants hegemony. Iran wants control over parts of the Middle East. Iran has a lot of influence over the Shia-Sunni schism in the Middle East, etc. I think Iran gains a lot more, and we could create incentives for Iran, and we are trying to. At least parts of the government are.

Some people disagree with this. where Iran saw that there was much more to be gained from joining the economic community and playing ball in accordance with its laws than in getting weapons of mass destruction. They're all scared that those chicks are going to find out they don't have to wear burkas in America. There it is. And they're going to come over on boats. Cover your face. They're going to come over on boats and they're going to seek out black dick like a magnet. Like a magnet to steal filings.

Perhaps. They're tired of being suppressed. They want to twerk on some dude in a club. Maybe. With no crazy funky religious outfit on. And they can escape. You know why? Because no one knows what the fuck they look like. They can just blend right in. Good luck with your passport photo when it's looking through a fucking lid of a garbage can like Oscar the Grouch. In and out, baby.

That's what your fucking passport looks like. You see your eyeballs. They have to take their shit out for their passport, right? Don't they? Are they allowed to? It's like stealing their soul or something, right? Well, the minute that a lot of Saudi women go to places like London and Kuwait, guess what comes off immediately? Their headdress.

The whole burqa thing. And they go shopping and they dress in sexy outfits and they're just like, yeah. Suppression, man. sexy outfits and they're just like yeah because suppression man it's just amazing that you've got countries that in 2015 still make women dress like they're in star wars but there's another reason for it there's another reason for it there was another very logical reason for it logical well i'm just saying if you're if you're if you're if you're a religious if you're i'm just saying if you're a religious man and if you are trying to create a productive society, the logic went, if you have women walking around looking all sexy and naked, which was a lot of the Middle East. If you have that, what happens is we're thinking about fucking and not producing.

Yeah. So you got to cover your chicks up. Damn it, if you want to get any work done. That's not true, though. I agree. Because America produces like a motherfucker. How about that? How about that? We got hot freaks over here.

It's so true. Freedom. Freedom. Is that what she looked like, really? Princess Leia. Is that Princess Leia? Is that her real body? Yeah, it is.

Damn, she had a banging body. Yes, she did. That was real too That was pre suck and tuck God bless her She didn't have no lipo Couldn't look more bored She was beautiful at the time

Very exotic I must say Princess Leia Made out with her brother She kissed her brother on the lips Is that true It had to. He didn't know that it was his sister. That's rude. Your sister comes along and gives you a real kiss.

With a body like that? Yeah. She didn't even bother telling you that she's... Did she know at the time? Did she know? No, no one knew. Did you ever have to do a love scene when you were an actor back in the day? I wasn't an actor. I was never really an actor. I did acting work. I had to do some serious love scenes. It's always awkward and weird. I bet, man. Because I'm an actor. I was never really an actor. I did acting work. I had to do some serious love scenes.

It's always awkward and weird. I bet, man. Because I'm an actor. Not as awkward and weird as it is being in a car with you for six hours trying to get up to turkey hunt. How about that, huh? We had a good time, dude. We did have a good time. We always have.

I will always hunt because it's just people like, why are you going? It has nothing to do with killing the animals. For me, I get to hang with you, and we get to be idiots and laugh. It was like I was saying, there's not a whole lot of dudes I'd ask to sleep in a tent. Come on, man, we're going to go. We're going to go to some place. I'm calling my TV star, famous comedian friend, going, come on, dude. We're going to go.

We're going to sleep under the stars in Montana. Napa Valley. We're going to go shoot deer, and then we're going to eat them over a campfire. Are you in? Turkey hunting was interesting. I can't give it away, but I will say that I killed between zero and 10 birds. That's a good number. You know, the turkey hunting is very exciting. It's fun, but it, um, the only issue that I have, and I don't really have an issue with it, but the only thing that I would say, if it came to like preference of time that I would spend hunting, I would spend less time turkey hunting and more time

doing other things because the fact that you can't get anything more than a turkey yeah you stay there all day you shoot this turkey you got one turkey and that's great I mean it'll be delicious I'm sure I haven't cooked it yet I've got it in the OOP I told everybody I killed a turkey or did you well there's no I remember now I had a picture of it he put it on his Instagram so I'm sure I haven't cooked it yet. I've got it in the oh, I told everybody I killed a turkey Why did you well there's no I've read now. I had a picture of it. He put it on his Instagram. I'm fine But it it's just a turkey. You know we tasted some of it. We ate some just like turkey It tasted like turkey. It was good. Yeah, but the breast tasted identical to Turkey Apparently the legs are like a little tougher and the one that I got was apparently a good one to eat because it was fairly young

And those are like more tender the Jake wasn't a jake and um they just don't here's the deal you know there's not that much food there no you know it's like it'll feed a family and then maybe you might have sandwiches the next day if you shoot a deer like if you go out and you shoot a deer and you spend those those nights sleeping in the tent in montana and you're successful you're gonna come back with 50 or 60 pounds of meat I mean you've got back straps and loins and burger and you're making sausage out of it and you got all just butchering it just butchering it as a bitch we did it for hours we butchered it and we you know joked around we had a great time or that moose see if I shoot one of those that moose I'm gonna be eating that moose. See, if I shoot one of those, that moose, I'm going to be eating that moose forever.

One of the greatest pictures I've ever seen. That picture and the Fedor picture with kettlebells are the two pictures I use in my fantasy files. Well, this is, listen, that picture is like what it means to eat animals. That is a moose leg. I don't know how much that thing weighed, but it was heavy. 100 pounds? Well over 100 pounds. Well over 100 pounds. It was a 900 pound moose. Jesus Christ.

Which isn't even that big. Look at the power. My friend Ben, he shot one that was about 1400 pounds. What? It was much bigger than mine. It's huge antlers. It was ridiculous. But that moose is going to feed me for a year. I need to come over and get some moose meat.

Yeah, come on over. Come on over, man. You have good cuts? Yeah. Well, let me show you how to cook it because it's not easy. No. It's a different thing. It's different than deer.

That's a gladiator animal that you're eating. Yeah. Like, first of all, when you eat the meat, I'm going to have you over. We'll come over to the house, and you and I will sit down. We'll have a meal together. I'll cook you a real moose steak. You're going to eat it. I'll bring the wine. You're going to have you over. We'll come over to the house, and you and I will sit down. We'll have a meal together. I'll cook you a real moose steak. You're going to eat it. I'll bring the wine.

You're going to be like, holy shit. Because it makes you, it's almost like a stimulant. There's so much energy in that meat. Listen, I've done that with deer meat. I eat deer meat every day for 10 days. I am telling you, and I'm not hokey, you get a rush. Like I had an extra kick in my body. It only makes sense if you look at their body.

Their flesh is so healthy. Like their tissue is so rich and red and dark. Like you're dealing with an extremely healthy animal that is surviving against really hardcore predators. I mean, it's running away from mountain lions and wolves. Like, this is existence. Right. For a moose, it's wolf packs. You know, if you make it from the time you're a calf to the time you're a full-grown moose,

good luck. Did I ever show you that picture that I had? We came across one that had been torn apart by wolves. No. Yeah. When we were up there hunting, we came across a moose calf. Wow. When we were, we were, we were actually moose hunting and this thing had been torn apart. So you were up in, you were up in wolf country. Oh yeah. Not only was I up in wolf country,

I was up in a place where they don't even have a limit on how many wolves you can kill. Cause there are just so many. They want you to kill wolves all day. Damn. They want you to, they set up bait. You can do whatever you want. Because they're such a motherfucker. They're such a motherfucker. And they don't have a handle on them at all. The guy that I lived up there, that stayed at his place, rather, that lives up there, his neighbor lost a cow to a wolf.

Well, when we were in Napa Valley, the farmers I was talking to, they used to keep emos, emus, which are miniature ostriches and lambs, and said the mountain lions wreaked havoc. The mountain lion would come in and pull those emus over the fence, the seven-foot fence, and they'd just find feathers on the top of the fence. There goes our emu and lambs, too, just eat the shit out of a lamb. Well, the place where you and I were staying up in... That's where it was? Yeah, the place where you and I were staying up in that's where it was Yeah, the place where you and I were staying they they lost all their sheep to tomorrow night

I'm out my this farm that we're at I mean they had all these cows and shit and they think about you have to survive The winter and a mountain lion and wolves are you'll start hating mountain lions and wolves There's a totally different idea that you and I have about them like you know you look at a wolf you look at it's like A dog they don't that's not a dog to them. That's a totally different idea that you and I have about them. You look at a wolf, it's like a dog. That's not a dog to them. That's a dangerous fucking thing. Starvation. It's a dangerous fucking thing.

I'm trying to find this guy. When you were in the frontier and wolves took care of all your livestock, your kids couldn't eat. Yeah, man. Well, it hasn't been... Okay, I found the pictures. It hasn't been that long ago that human beings really had to worry about wolves. That's why the big bad wolf and all those different bad guys.

Well, those legends go on in Europe forever. That's what we found. Oh, my God. We had gotten there probably the night after or the day after. Oh, so it still has blood on it? Still had some meat on it. Wow. Yeah, and what you didn't expect, what I didn't expect was the hair everywhere.

Like all that stuff that you see on the ground in that picture. Jamie, you can pull it up. It's on my Instagram. That's hair. If you find a body of a moose calf, it's from four or five months ago. Damn. The hair was all over the place. It looks like the leg still has meat on it.

Yeah, they would have come back. They probably were going to come back and finish off the rest. Or they were just full and they were going to go somewhere else and get something else. But they always know where it is. They'll come back. Where was that? That was in B.C., like northern B.C. British Columbia.

Yeah. Dude. When you meet people at the airport, just a random guy at the airport saw that I had a camo jacket on and asked me if I was hunting. He talked to me about how much he likes to kill wolves. Really? Yeah, these city people, they just don't understand. You know, they live down there in Vancouver and they're making all the laws for up here. And, you know, we're the ones who have to hear them howl and, you know, and wonder how many of them there are out there.

And they kill your livestock and they kill your dogs. Different perspective. They're wolves like the movies, Like Little Red Riding Hood. Like, look out, little girl. Don't go off in the woods alone. Because there's wolves out there. Slick, too. Oh, they're so smart.

What's our next hunt? Are we going to pig hunt? I don't know. Let's pig hunt. We could pig hunt. You know what I was thinking? I was thinking we should go caribou hunting. Ooh.

Ooh. Real cold. Alaska. That's too cold. Caribou. No, it's not. You're going in hunting. Ooh. Ooh. Real cold. Alaska. That's too cold. Caribou. No, it's not. You're going in August. Oh, I'll go then.

Yeah, they migrate in August. All right. What about before that? I don't know. We'll figure something out. I want to kill a pig up in Sacramento. Whoa, you're crazy. You're violent.

Yeah. What happened to you? I want to eat a pig. Oh. I need some pig. I love pork. I still have some from the pig I shot. You do?

Yeah, I'll cook some at the house. I made a ham, like, maybe... Do you still have all my hunting gear at your house? I have your hunting gear. I made a ham. That's us. We're turkey hunting. Look at that.

Look at me. But I made this ham that I slow-cooked on the smoker for, like, six, seven hours. God damn. I brined it for, like, four or five days. Jesus. You brine it. Like, you five days Jesus Brian it like you take ice put in a cooler you take this brine It's mostly like salt and sugar and some spices and you dunk this ham in there and then surround everything with ice and put it In like a Yeti cooler and then I see look at that

You're gonna be quite the meat cooker yeah, I'm getting good at cooking meat. Like, I'm no chef. I don't have skills. I don't know what I'm doing. But I do know how to smoke meat. I knew how to grill steaks. I cooked a cowboy cut last night. Yeah, he's like a real chef. Yeah.

Like, he could be like a real chef. I tell people he made me beaver, and I said it's some of the best meat I've ever had. Get out of here. Those are some ribs that I cooked. You're so funny that you post. I follow you on Instagram, obviously. You're always posting meat.

That's what I cooked last night. Cowboy cut of ribeye. God damn it, that looks good. Come on, son. That's artwork to me. Is that moose? No, that's ribeye steak. Fuck. That's a regular steak.

I got a cowboy cut, a big, thick. It was probably like maybe three inches thick. At least one, two, two and a half maybe. cowboy cut a big thick it was probably like maybe three inches thick at least one two two and a half maybe it was a fat thick one where I had to use a thermometer to cook it so I cook it on the outside you sear the outside on these things called grill grates I got it I got to show you this smoker I got it's a yoder it's uh it uses direct heat as well as indirect heat you ever seen those things those pellet smokers No, well this one you can sear it on one side

Then you move it over to the other side And then you just leave the temperature at what you want it for me is like 400 degrees So I drop it down to 400 degrees and I have a thermometer in it It tells me when the temperature the internal temperature hits like 125 and then I watch it carefully It's look it's about 130 and then pop that bitch out and let it sit for 10 You're roasting it. You're starting it off grilling it right? You're starting it off grilling It's direct fire like fire literally below these grates. Yeah, and you sear the shit out of it I don't mean the shit out of it You don't want to burn it

But you want to sear it for depending upon the thickness of the meat and the temperature that you're searing it I don't do it for more than like two and a half minutes a side. And I just really just like cook the outside. You know, you're burning off any possible bacteria that's on the outside. You get a nice crust and a good, like a delicious like top area of it where it's like real crispy and you got like kosher salt and black pepper and a little bit of garlic powder I mix on there. And I let it sit for like an hour before I put it on the grill it's an art form to it man yeah it is it is because like I

post pictures of it because I like what other people do too like I like looking at people's instagrams and shit that they're making my my father-in-law can cook the greatest steaks he puts he uses um hickory chips and he smokes it that way on the grill he's just a master with a grill I try to replicate it. I just can't do it. There's two different styles of cooking steaks. Some people like the Argentine style, which is like a slow grill, slow and low.

They'll cook a steak slowly. I like my meat to be a little raw, though, or just rare. No, but they can certainly still cook it rare. They just cook it at a low temperature. They don't like American mean, they can certainly still cook it rare. They just cook it at a low temperature. They don't, like, American-style grilling a steak, you know, you see that steak hit the thing, and you flip it or you move it a little,

and then you flip it, and then you push it off to the side. And you always put the lid on it, and you let it rest. Like, you've got to let it sit. Like, you grill the top of it, but unless it's a really thin steak, that's not going to really get the center where you want it. It'll be rare in the center so what you do is you put it like if you have a um like either one of those webers or i have a kamado you put a top layer lever to it so that the heat is not really underneath it anymore cooking it from the bottom it's cooking all

around it and then you put it on the top close the lid and it'll drop down like maybe 350 degrees or somewhere around there. And then you cook it slowly for the next, like, depending upon the thickness of the steak, I don't usually like to go more than five minutes. And then I pull it off of there. So what I've done is I've seared the shit out of the outside with, like, really hot flames and a hot grill grate. And everything is just like, it's really cooking the outside of it. But then slow cooking it after that. So you get that crust cooking the outside of it but then slow cooking it after that so you get that they do it all kinds of ways on the outside i had i had a wagyu steak in utah where they they put it in a

plastic bag and they boil it oh yeah yeah yeah that's a new thing that's not a new thing god damn it was good that's the thing snake river farms oh is really popular right now they're they have new ones that they sell that you put, like you put a pot of water, you know, and then you stick this heater element in it and it cooks it for you. You just like sit on the, on the, on the counter, but it's not the, or sit it on your stove, but it's not the stove that's cooking it. It's this device that you have in the water. So it'll keep the water steady 135 degrees, which is like medium, medium rare. Yeah. So you would just do that and it would cook it perfectly. Like you couldn't fuck it up.

It couldn't overcook it. Wow. And then you take it and they cook the outside of it with like a torch. Right. Like you take a butane torch and they crispy sear the outside of it and it's supposed to be amazing. I've had it. It's incredible.

I don't like that Wagyu shit though. I don't like that fatty. I had Wagyu sent to me from Snake River Farms, which apparently I went to Mastro's and the guy goes, well, Snake River Farms is the best. Dude, I don't know what they do there. I don't know what they do with those cows. I'm just telling you it's the best steak.

It's better than venison. It's better than anything I've ever had. You might like different things than I like because I've tried that Wagyu. I've given it a bunch of tries. I've had Kobe. Too fatty. I like lean. Something about this is just... That's what I like because I've I've tried that Wagyu. I've given it a bunch of tries. I've had Kobe fatty too fatty I like something about this is what I'd like about like that that What the fuck tri tip that we had I like lean to yeah, I'm more of a lean guy I don't like a lot of fat and this was this was an exception

Maybe this is the preparation maybe the chef the chef just nailed it now because they send me my own steaks And I just cooked it in fucking butter, and I was just still like the best steak I've ever had all right. Well. I'll give it another shot. I've had it before I didn't like it I felt goes eating a patient call them the guy I think I know the guy I'll have them send you some steaks I felt like I was eating a bedridden patient if you took a couch just a fruit loops down its fat face and got a drunk Every night and then killed it. I'm curious What do you think of the snake rivers? I'll try it to a size apparently they are these they are like there's there's

Other places that do Wagyu and then there's snake river farms like everybody everybody who's in the they all say well That's a that's the Cadillac. That's the Mercedes. That's a Ferrari of snakes again another Japanese invention Those slick bastards rub them with beer don't they and they do all kinds of weird shit with the cows They don't let it move Very nice the whole culture when you think about one small island just think about what they did to revolutionize the car industry They made cars reliable Yeah with insane with insane Cooperation and I'll give you an example with Toyota plant. This is back in the day This is 20 years ago. In Toyota Company, they could start from when they started with the one piece that they were going to put the car together.

On the assembly line, it took five minutes to assemble an entire Toyota. Five minutes. How about you take ten, guys? Just make sure the bolts are tightened down. What the fuck, man? How about that? Don't rush my car. I know.

Five minutes. Make sure there's bolts on. Five minutes? That seems like a little quick. Maybe slow down. I think so, but they have it down to a science. They always say that Japan was so heavily influenced by one factor, a lot of people in a very small area. And it required a great deal of cooperation.

cooperation, but even more importantly, because of typhoons, their architecture was made from rice, because you didn't want a wind to blow stone on you and die. So the reason that the origami, like, you know, they have like sliding glass doors, and I mean, paper, a lot of their houses were made of, the inside was made of paper. Well, the problem with that is when you have walls that separate you that are made of paper, you can hear what goes on in the room next to you. And if you have a couple that's fucking or whatever or crying or arguing, now you're privy to their business. And what that did was they said, how are we going to run a society like this? This is weird. I mean, I know he's listening to me and then I'm listening to him.

I mean, I know he's listening to me and then I'm listening to him. And what a lot of social scientists talk about is this idea that the Japanese got super good at actively not hearing things they're not supposed to. And it was like this sort of social contract where, first of all, you never mentioned that you heard anything. Second of all, you didn't even gossip because you didn't hear it. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. I'm not listening. I'm not listening. I am jacking off, but I'm not listening. What a bizarre culture. Yeah. That they exhibited so many unique traits and characteristics and had so many unique strengths.

You know, I mean you if you think about their contributions just to martial arts alone for one island like that it's unprecedented you mean the other island i mean brazil is obviously an enormous country and there they had a massive influence on as well holland is a small country they had a massive influence on on kickboxing and muay thai and and on the economy of the world. Netherlands owns a lot of they are an economic powerhouse. And responsible

for setting up shop in Africa. And I believe in a place called New York. New York. That's right. If I can make it there. I was just there. I was just in.

I always confuse Denmark, Holland. With New York. The Netherlands is the same as Holland. Yeah, all of that area. Yeah, you can fuck up. You're a Dane? You're from Denmark? What does that mean?

Are you Dutch? Are you Dutch? Are you Swedish? So you're from the Netherlands, you're Dutch, you're from Holland. It's always confusing. They also figured out weed and hookers a long time ago. They're great. They figured out a lot of shit.

They're like, let's just, like, how about you just get tested and do whatever you want to do? The only issue with the Japanese is that their challenge has always been innovation. Like, they're really good at mimicry and making things better. And the reason for that is because of the way their society is structured. So that if you are someone who comes up with a better way to do something than your boss your boss would lose face and so that's why a lot of things stayed rather stagnant even though they were good it was very hard for them to sort of keep up with the so not as much innovation comes out of japan they don't really have a silicon valley the way we do and that's it that's an interesting way of describing it If you have a boss and you go out to drink

The boss drinks a higher caliber whiskey than you do Really, what a dick So he'll drink Cuddy Sark and you'll drink something unworldly Boss is a shithead Yeah Give up the good booze, son Listen, man Come on, bro, you make more money

Give up the good booze Come on, we work together, let's be friends here Authority And also very chauvinistic But they did some amazing Improvements on existing Things like that's what Their unique characteristic their unique

Traits, especially when it comes to Automotables Electronics Like the NSX it forced Ferrari and Porsche to change The way they were making cars like They came out with this fucking NSX. I want to say, like, 91 or 92 was the first NSX.

And it was basically, like, a super evolved sports car. For the time, it, like, had these ridiculous things that they had built into it, like baffles in the fuel lines to make sure that the weight always stayed completely central. Like, they wanted to have, like like a pure 50-50 weight balance. So it's a mid-engine car. So the engine is behind the passenger seat. All these unique innovations to the suspension geometry and the way it handled was just like

it was on rails, man. And it was not even a high horsepower car. It was like 275, I think, initially. Maybe 290 towards the end of its production line. It wasn't like that speedy. It was just bulletproof. It was all aluminum. No one had ever done that before.

No one had ever made an all aluminum sports car. I remember getting in that car with you when you first got it. It's amazing. And you were just like, you were telling me about it. The engineering is unprecedented. And they lost money on everyone they sold. Wow wow they didn't make money on that car why did it make a flagship car just to show you like not only are we gonna make something that's better than any of your shit it's not gonna break down ever it looks awesome and we're gonna lose money

selling it fuck you damn just. Just shut your mouth. Damn. And they kind of do that with, the Nissan does that now with this thing called the GT-R. They have this car, the GT-R. It's actually more expensive now than it used to be for a while. It's like they're barely breaking even on it. But I think now they realize it has such a demand

that you can kind of charge more money. And they've continued to innovate it. They continue to, it's like a samurai sword. They built the samurai sword. And I want to say the NSX came out in like 2007 or something like that. I might be off. But from that time, they've just made a better version every year. Every year.

Every year. Every year. That's what it looks like now. Wow. In 2015. How much does that cost? That's a hundred and something thousand. But it is a fucking spaceship

Really? I rented one of those when I was in Austin Budget, no Hertz Hertz rent a car We'll let you rent a fucking NSX That's hilarious So I rented an NSX

And me and the Hinchcliffe machine Were fucking tooling around Just zipping around Dude, that thing is the fastest fucking thing I've ever driven It doesn't look like it either. That's what I like about it. It's such a, you know, it's kind of an understated sports car. That's not a GT-R.

What is that? It's got different taillights. Unless it's got, no, I think it's just got unique taillights. Is that a real one? It might be modified. That might be a photo shoot. Maybe. The real taillights are, go back to the previous image that you had.

That's the real taillights. They're really cool looking. It's a spaceship, man. spaceship man the way it handles it's all like the thing that people don't like about it the people that don't like it most people love it but the thing that people are a little perturbed about it look at that that's the okay so that's the nissan i kept thinking we were looking at acura no there's a new acura nsx is coming out as well but it probably won't keep up go back to that image that rear end image that you were just showing. Look at that fucking thing.

That might as well be in Star Wars. Yeah. Look at the fucking, the way it's built. And all of that is aerodynamics. Like all that shit

you see around the back end, all that shit around the pipes, that's all designed for downforce. Extreme amounts of downforce. Downforce is super important to me. Well, that's why it has that tail in the back of it.

That's all about keeping the ass end down. Because this thing has such fucking insane power that sometimes they can catch flight. Like there's one in the Nurburgring. So that's why you have that goddamn wing? The wing, yes. But still, because of that, sometimes they get back end heavy, which means the front end comes off the ground. And they go flying through the air.

Yeah. It happened recently at the Nürburgring. The Nürburgring, look up this, GTR crash at Nürburgring. It's a crazy thing to watch because you realize this is not just a crash. This is a guy that has no control of his car because the car's wheels aren't touching the ground. Right. It's flying. It's crash, not grass. Okay, let's go to videos that's it right there bam watch

this shit oh you motherfucker watch this shit this hurts my like my anticipation hurts my like adrenals glands look at this whoa whoa whoa whoa yep look that's crazy yeah watch that again he's going around the corner that's why why... Somebody died, man. No. Somebody died in this. Yes, they did. Got hit by the car. Yeah, got hit by the car. Oh, shit.

Look at this. He's coming over the hill, and it just catches flight. Like, he's scraping along the back bumper, like, just skipping through the air. Fucking crazy. The front end came so far off the ground that the car literally was bumper to the ground. Like, look at that. The bumper's on the ground. Dude, it went upside down even.

How fast is he going? The wheel actually caught it from going upside down. It goes back forward again and it flips. Oh, he's going ridiculously fast. But that's not what the problem was. The problem was he lost control. I mean, it's not about going fast. It's about when do you go fast and when do you slow down.

And you've got to know got to know a circuit like the Nürburgring. The Nürburgring is the most famous of all circuits when it comes to testing a car's lap time. Like if you can get a really fast lap time with the Nürburgring, it's worth millions of dollars because that car will be the new king of the Nürburgring. The GTR was like, I think, one of the best production cars in terms of lap times. The fastest for the longest time was a Corvette ZR1. This is fucking insane. 650 horsepower Corvette.

But now the new Corvette Z06 is even faster than that. And every year, everyone's trying to get a faster lap time on that track. But here's the problem with that track. That track sort of mimics the real world in the sense that it's not like a flat line right it's not like a flat circle like a nascar thing but there's ups and downs and twists and turns i mean you're changing levels you're going up and down it's what you get from a real it's a real test it's a real test of a car's ability in the real world so that is particularly disturbing because that guy's coming off that hill like that with the kind of power that a real gtr that you could buy in a store has and he's going flying through the air so you have to stop and think look how beautiful that is my god is that where the crash took place that's the

nerve of green oh my god look how beautiful it is around it it's amazing two things i've never when people stand too close to car races like that with no protection. Oh, they're crazy. And guys who are watching golf when the guy tees off and they're literally right in the line of fire. Yeah, that's a good point. This especially, though, right? Damn. Look how beautiful that is, man.

You're flying around next to this unbelievable countryside. It's so gorgeous. There are parts of Germany and parts of Switzerland and parts of France that are just like that, that blow your mind. Then you go into these little towns, and they've been there for a thousand years. The issue with this racetrack, though, apparently is that it gets a lot of inclement weather. Like, you'll watch a bunch of laps. They'll do them when it's raining out and shit. Like, in the U.K., you know, like Top Gear.

It's one of the hilarious things about Top Gear is that so often they're testing cars and it's raining. Like Chris Harris, who's a guy I've had on the podcast before, is one of my favorite automotive journalists. So many times he's driving a car and it's raining out. Really? And he's testing it in the rain? Yeah, he's in the UK.

It rains all the fucking time out there. Why do you think, and maybe this is, maybe not so, but is race car driving more popular in Europe than it is in the United States? I would say so, yeah. Like Formula One. We're just like dumb racing. Black is going left! Again! He's going left!

Swap and paint! Swap and paint! This is crazy! Why does he have a southern accent? Because that's most of the people that listen. Damn it. What if I did it like... You're contradicting yourself.

What accent would be sophisticated? Why can't you speak this way? It looks like they're swapping paint at the moment. They're going left. I'm in love with this Chevron car. This gaining ground on him, I tell you, man. It's unbelievable. The way he continues to turn left baffles the mind.

It's outrageous. He's doing irreparable damage to his reputation and to his chassis. How can he do it with such accuracy? The art form. Outrageous. Now they're fighting. There's a weird culture to Englishmen. They're also, their regalness and their way they have, like,

set up all these different sort of patterns that they follow. Oh, yeah. It's all about self-control. Do you play snooker? A man plays snooker. A hooligan will be playing eight ball at the bar, but a gentleman prefers snooker. Knowing your place.

Knowing your place. Discipline. The British were always very disciplined about protocol, what's to be done, what's not to be done. Made good soldiers. Until they figured out, Americans figured out, just shoot at that white stripe that they keep in the middle of their chest. That was a long time ago. Dumbasses.

That shit didn't even work. But it's all the same thing. Yeah. People, their folly. They need to learn. Well, they were wearing wigs and they had wool coats on in the heat. It sucked. What was that about?

Like, what was the wig thing about? Like, the powdered wigs? Like, why did they have powdered wigs? There was always a form of, even the French up until World War I, wore lots of feathers and very brightly colored clothing. Peacocks. Yeah. As a soldier, first of all, you had a uniform,

and our uniform is going to be much more grandiose. We have more money than you people do. We're of higher birth. So our soldiers are decorated with the honor that that is that is bestowed on the greatest army there is we're a sparkling jewel all of that our sabers are polished shiny shiny and bright colors think about how birds it's the same thing you know until vietnam those motherfuckers started hiding in holes in the ground and shooting at us and And the Brits always just wore khaki.

The Brits were just fucking down-home khaki motherfuckers. They were just like, yeah, you guys wear all your stuff. We're going to wear our khakis. I wonder who figured out hunting, like camo for hunting. Like, who was the first person to invent camo? I think it goes back to millennia. You think so? Like leaves and shit, right?

Yes, they were covering themselves in leaves, waiting in the cold for dinner. Mm, fuck. Yeah. They made it. You didn't. It's true. You didn't get to this point. Trust me.

Trust me. You with your fucking ironic glasses on that don't even have a real lens. People wear clear glass. Fashion has always been another thing that we fashion has always been there fast but people's appearance i mean you know if you look at indigenous cultures that have had very little contact they're still putting bones to their nose and wearing feathers and and peacocking men and women but the the eyeglass one is one of the weirdest ones well because it's a friend of mine's mother he couldn't get a job it wasn't a friend of mine it's a friend of mine told me the

story about this kid he's puerto rican and he couldn't get a job. It wasn't a friend of mine. It was a friend of mine told me the story about this kid. He's Puerto Rican, and he couldn't get a job. And his mother said he'd been on. He was a great student. He was a great guy. He just couldn't get a job. He was trying to work on Wall Street. His mother went out and bought him a pair of glasses.

Wow. Just clear glasses. And he got every job he went in for. He had glasses on. They went, this guy must read. And he got every fucking job. His mother was genius. He said, I'm going to put some glasses on you.

Watch this. It's also the only handicap that is sexually arousing. A hundred percent. Men like a secretary looking chick with glasses on. Women like men with glasses. Really? Do they? Oh, yeah.

Tell me about it. What do you do? You put glasses on? Elton John style? I have to use my reading glasses sometimes, which I resist all the time. And my wife went, that's really sexy. She likes old dudes. She likes gray in my beard. She likes guys that are went, that's really sexy. She likes old dudes. She likes gray in my beard.

She likes guys that are dying. Loves old guys. She loves old men. She loves them wrinkly. Wrinkles. We're almost out of time. I understand that you're going to be in Sacramento doing your stand-up comedy this weekend, Brian. Tell us about it.

What can we expect at the Punchline? I'm glad you asked, Joe. I'm going to be at the Sacramento Punchline, tearing it up this Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And I am under the impression, I've been talking to TJ Dillashaw and Uriah Faber, and there's a chance they might come out and see me because they're friends of mine. And I couldn't be more excited about that. Yes, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Joe. And I want to say one more thing. What? You know, I've got a podcast called The Fighter and the Kid. I heard that it gets 1.5 million downloads a month. Is that that's the rumor and it is to end in the rumors true Wow more importantly I'm gonna be having there's a there was a documentary called lady

Valor and I'm gonna be having the Navy SEAL who became a woman Kristen Beck on our podcast and I am very excited that is that is we're gonna that's amazing keep the camera on him Jamie this is a surprise that's right ladies and gentlemen we're gonna record it soon. Keep the camera on him, Jamie. This is a surprise. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to record it soon. Jeez, Joe's taking his shirt off, and you've got a body. You look like a naked silverback. This is a surprise, dude. Oh, sorry, buddy. Oh, I love it! Oh, okay, here we go.

We got the surprise coming, you guys! Christmas comes early. Ladies and gentlemen, our biggest promoter. You're looking at not just a shirt, but a cultural phenomenon. This shirt, this Master Kim's 1984 Taekwondo National Champion shirt from the fighter and the kid. They sold 800 of

them in about six minutes. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. They flew off the shelves. Can't keep them in stock. They bought new ones. They were gone by the end of the day. There it is. Twice restocked shirt. This motherfucker right here. A cultural phenomenon that is the fighter and the kid. Now, what does that feel?

We're running out of time. But that's got to be trippy to know that you guys are like, that show is taking off. It really is. It really is. It's a good fucking podcast. I appreciate it. And a lot of it has to do with your support. And we just try to keep it inspiring and funny.

And it's one of those things. I think it's chemistry. I'm just doing it and showing up. And it's just, you never expect it to be. You're not managing success. I just show up and do it. But I think Brendan and I have a great chemistry. It's very unusual.

He's hilarious. You guys are hilarious together, too. It's a very, very funny chemistry. We crack each other up. Yeah. And we try to stay as authentic as we can. That's rare. And both really good dudes, you know.

And that comes through in the show. I know a lot of people on the underground, especially that guy won me over. Fucker. They're listening to Fighter and the Kid and like, get used to him. I'm telling you. I've been telling Dana White this forever. I'm like, the guy's a great guy. You gotta get to know him. Brendan doesn't take himself seriously. He's

very aware of his faults and he's always working on them. He's a guy who constantly grows. He's so silly. He says hilarious shit he's always working on them. He's just so silly, too. He's a guy who constantly grows. He's so silly. He says hilarious shit. Did you see the Instagram I posted of him wearing that hat? Yes, the sailor hat. I was like, I can't be friends with you.

He kept going, all hands on dick. All hands on dick, everybody. We don't even know the people we're playing volleyball with. He's got his hands on his knees, this giant UFC fighter going, all hands on dick. That's always fun for everybody else involved. He's a silly goose. On the outside trying to figure out what's happening. Yeah.

Like, you know what's going on? Making his macho face. With his cauliflower ear. Yeah. He's so silly. Yeah. He's a funny dude. Fighter and the Kid, it's available on iTunes.

It's a hilarious podcast. It really is fun. Thank you for that. And you guys get some great guests. And Lady Valor, that's going to be very interesting. I want to talk to her her I want to have her on That's an insane story And I'll ask better questions than you

So what I'll do is I'll just watch you guys Fuck it up first And I'll come in I've been trying I don't even know what to ask her I'm so excited man Oh yeah

We went turkey hunting Yeah This podcast is supposed to be about that I know We missed it We also did a podcast Last week folks If you want to get it

It's available on iTunes. It's just in the car with an iPhone. Just Brian and I driving, having fun talking shit for like two hours or something. Talking important shit. The Fighter and the Kid podcast. The Punchline in Sacramento this weekend. Friday, Saturday, Sunday? Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday. A fucking phenomenal club. If you live up there and you haven't been there, it's an iconic club. It's one of the best set-up clubs in the country. And this weekend, Brian motherfucking Callen. Brian Callen with a Y-B-R-Y-A-N Callen on Twitter. Much love. Sacramento, Sacramento.

You fuckers. See you soon. Punchlinesac.com. Punchlinesac. Sacramento. Alright, that's it. I'm at the Cot Theater May 22nd with Tom Segura and Tony Hinchcliffe. The Cot Theater at the MGM in Vegas. That's all I got coming up.od Theatre May 22nd With Tom Segura And Tony Hinchcliffe The Cod Theatre At the MGM in Vegas That's all I got coming up See ya

Oh this weekend In Montreal But it sold out Alright much love You fuckers See ya soon Alright show's out