The Joe Rogan Experience - #643 - "Big" Jay Oakerson

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

Big Jay Oakerson is a stand up comedian and he also hosts his own show "Legion of Skanks Podcast" available on Spotify. http://bigjaycomedy.com

Makina Are we live? Yeah, do you stream dot TV forward slash? Big J is here big J's here Bam, and I'm tweeting and we're live. What the fuck big J. Welcome back, sir I heard you were punching white people in Baltimore. Is that true? You just ran around just punching white people That's it. Well, you gotta get all the can get, right? If you want to be down, that's the move right now. Be super upset

with white people. I had an argument with a comic about Baltimore this week. He was very pro the violent protest of it. White dude. Hipster white comic,

I would say. I was so surprised because I always thought they were supposed to be the tender guys and his comment i couldn't believe the coldness and i'm saying uh he's like so big fucking deal that you know they tear apart a a cvs he goes who gives a shit man there's people getting killed in the street you know the cops are killing people in the streets and it's like, who cares? The fucking owner of the CVS? Why does he have to eat shit for it? It's totally unrelated. They did it in Ferguson to businesses that were owned by black people.

There were some instances of people burning down businesses that had absolutely nothing to do with any of the pro-police group. There were people that just lived in the community. And then all of a sudden, everything got smashed. group. They were people that just lived in the community and then all of a sudden everything got smashed. In Oakland, when the guy got shot in Oakland, they smashed a bank and someone wrote fuck capitalism

on it. Like, okay, really? Like, is that what this is about? The fucking cop killing the guy is about capitalism? Is that the other one? The accident or the quote unquote accident in the train station? Yeah, that one was fucked. Did you see the movie they made of it? No.

They made a movie of it. I like when they do this with a lot of Hollywood stuff. It's such a hilarious phoned in thing. Do you remember the Biggie Smalls movie? Did you ever see that one? I never saw it. What was it? Did you see it, Brian?

No. It was called Notorious. No. Really? Who the fuck played Biggie? It actually was pretty good. Really? The preview looked like he did a good job.

You know, Jamie, pull up a fucking preview. I need to see this. The guy did a good job, I guess. But what was funny was the night he died in the movie, he made phone calls to everyone. To his wife, like, I'm going to be good to you. Told his mom. Oh, no.

We're not going to worry about money again. All these things that are not true. In that Fruitvale Station movie, which is about the Oakland guy, they literally made that day, like, you know, the guy he sold drugs for came and gave him drugs and he was like, nah, I don't want to do this shit no more. I'm going to be better than my daughter.

And the thing is like, you can't just make shit like that up. Yeah, and another comedian actually named Chris Tinkle pointed out, because he knew the story, he's from that area, and he said, he was like, it's already tragic anyway. Yes. This is a tragic situation. That kid got killed. Whatever was going on, he probably didn't deserve to get killed by a cop.

Accidentally or otherwise. So it's just like, why would you have to add like a, and he was going to go back he was going to go to University of Phoenix online. Dude, I can spell it out nice and simple. This is exactly what it is. There's a very high percentage, very high percentage,

very high percentage of the movie business that's filled with wonderful, creative people. Fantastic folks who just want to make good movies like Ex Machina. I saw Ex Machina this week. Holy shit, is that good. God damn, that's a good movie. Amazing special effects.

Was it one of those movies? One of the best movies I've ever seen in my life. And I don't want to say anything more about it. We'll talk about it a little bit. But the point is, most of them are trying to do shit like that. But there are a few out there, and those ones will stand out, and they will just fucking jizz. They will just fucking jizz on anything. Jizz in every soup you make.

They're going to add their little fucking spooge to all your ideas, and they fuck everything up, man. And especially it's gross, especially gross when they do a real live story. A lot of times the dudes are still alive, and they just butcher the story like that fucking wrestler movie. What the fuck was that? We've talked about it before. What is it called? Fox Catcher. Fox. Thank you.

The one about John Hunt, or what is it? Hunt? John? Mark Hunt. No, no, no. Mark Hunt's a fighter. What is the guy's name? John, um, yeah, yeah. The one about John Hunt, or what is it? Mark Hunt. No, no, no. No, Mark Hunt's a fighter. Mike Cunner. What is the guy's name? John, um, pharmaceutical company? Yeah, John DuPont. DuPont, thank you.

John DuPont, who's a crazy, murderous cocaine fiend who shot this wrestler, Dave Schultz, who's a famous wrestler. Well, the movie's about his brother, Mark Schultz, who's still alive, and they just add a bunch of shit to it, make a bunch of shit up, change the timeline around, change the success story of his life. Also throw some kind of like gay undertone for no reason. Gay and coke, doing coke with a gay guy. You got frosted tips.

Yes! Short shorts. The whole thing was like, what's going on here? What are you doing, man? You know what's one of the biggest messes? I'm from Philly, and that story happened in outside of Philadelphia. I thought it was Connecticut. That Foxcatcher

thing is in Philly? It's outside Philly. It's Pennsylvania. Oh, wow. I'm confused. But John DuPont, it was like a multiple day... Also, one of the most interesting things was that it was a standoff for days with the cops. But they made it like he killed the guy, and then he walked out of his house, and they just arrested him.

They speed through all the things that are real and interesting to add some weird Hollywood... They have to force in the fact that maybe he was gay for this guy. It had nothing to do with anything. They just decided to make him gay. Just to make the story more fun. You want to give me airhead in my helicopter?

Yeah, they were hanging out, doing bumps in the helicopter, eyeing each other, sweating. Just the whole thing was so fun. Dude, they were hanging out doing bumps on the helicopter, eyeing each other, sweating. Just the whole thing was so fun. Dude, they changed shit that they didn't have to change, like historical shit, like the fact that he was already a world champion,

one of the best wrestlers on earth. They made him out to be like a guy who was failing and falling apart. They also had him fight in the UFC. He did fight once in the UFC, but against a white guy in the real UFC fought against a white guy in the real UFC fought against

a black guy named Big Gary Goodrich. It's a historic match. It's a historic, like if you're a martial arts historian, that match is a historic match because he was an Olympic gold medalist who came and just took down one of the best MMA fighters at the time at will and showed the difference between like world-class wrestling and this fucking bullshit that these guys were doing in the gym. They were infants in comparison to his wrestling skill. But they changed the timeline of it.

They had him watching the UFC in 87. The UFC wasn't even made until 93. So they just fucked with everything just to gay it up and add a little of this and a little of that. Just to get a little fucking hunched over the script. Yeah, that was my idea. They basically saw the script, man. The story structure just didn't work.

There was something missing. Gay stuff. When they get those actors, they don't want it to just be in independent film theaters. So they got to Hollywood some horseshit story into it all. It's just so depressing that they do that to a movie that's a real story. Because then you have in your head, oh, well he almost got gay with the guy, he did coke, he saw the

UFC in 87. You have all these things in your head. And then you start reading, and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not the case. Like, there was, like, he wrote a list on Facebook, Mark Schultz did, of all the inaccuracies of the Foxcatcher movie. It's fucking ridiculous. It's ridiculous. They just they fucked with everything. They changed everything. And you didn't even know because he was like a consultant of the Foxcatcher movie. It's fucking ridiculous. It's ridiculous.

They just, they fucked with everything. They changed everything. And you didn't even know because he was like a consultant on the movie, I believe. Well, I'm sure he probably knew a little, but what the fuck is he going to do? They're probably giving him an assload of money, right? We're going to frost your tips. He's a wrestler, a wrestling coach at Bring Up Young. I mean, he had to stop MMA fighting because the school that he was teaching wrestling at didn't want him doing it.

It was a different time. Yeah. You know, it was like 96 or 97 or whatever the fuck it was when he fought. That was right on the end of, like, UFC being, like, sumo wrestler fights a ninja. It was still that. Still that. He was still using bare knuckles. There was still, I think he would still wear shoes.

When I started, you could wear shoes. You couldn't punch the balls when I first got there. You couldn't punch the balls. I don't think you could pull hair anymore. They got rid of that early on, too. It's so fun. Growing up, I watched a documentary recently, too, the UFC 20. Yeah.

And having that go through my life, watching that sport grow in my lifetime. I remember me and my stepfather ordered the first one ever. Wow. When it was tournament style. You had to go out and fight like three times. And we thought it was like the greatest thing of all time. But now to watch it go from like, you know, no shoes, no geese, no gouging, all these things, you know, but that has to happen.

And then they go, oh, yeah, no, you can't just break a guy's finger because you're losing. Yeah, well, you can't just break a guy's finger because you're losing. Yeah, well, it's, why can't you? If you break a guy's arm, how come you can't break a guy's finger? Like, I really, I disagree with, like, all the thoughts about, like, small joint manipulation because the reality is if someone's trying to manipulate your joint, like, the only way that would really, it usually works in defense. Like, say if a guy, if you're trying to grab a guy and you're trying to choke him

and he starts pulling on your fingers. Well, you can just pull your fingers away. You know, it's not like it's automatic that he's going to break your fingers. Sure. You just have to be more aware of it. Like, it's realistic. Like, if all this guy has to do is pull your finger back to stop you from doing a choke, well then he did the right

thing. Why are you taking that away from him when it's okay for him to choke you? Oh, yeah, you have to actually get under the hand itself completely right. Yeah, but why are you taking away the guy's ability to pull on your fingers? Yeah, if he pulls on your fingers, you better get your fingers out of there and then try to choke him again. You know, it just makes sense to me.

I actually thought, because it never happens, that I thought there was a rule of no choking in the UFC, like a direct on choke, like you're choking someone against the wall, but you can do that, apparently. It's the most unrealistic move. Same reason no one headlocks like you did in the schoolyard as a kid, where you have the guy

in a bulldog position. That so rarely ever happens in the UFC. Honestly, I think you're wrong. I think you're wrong. I think it is illegal to grab the neck like that. I think it's illegal to do that. Straight on? Yeah. I think it used to be legal, but now it's illegal. Really?

Yeah, I need to find out about that. There was something about, well, there's a bunch of weird spots that you can't do. Like, do you know you can't hit a guy in the back of the head? Yeah. Can't hit a guy in the back. Sure. But you get kicked in the back of the head all the time. When you get hit with a head kick, one of the things about a head kick is, you know,

the shin's kind of coming around here and a lot of times like a high percentage the foot and the instep are bang wrapping right around the back of your head way fucking harder than you can ever punch like so the idea that you don't get hit in the back of the head is crazy because there's a totally legal shot that's basically the back of the head nobody ever gets in trouble for kicking somebody in the back of the head. And it happens all the time. It's just ground and pound. When you're ground and pounding is usually when guys get in trouble for hitting the back of the head, which is

the most ridiculous, because that's when guys are moving around. Yeah, you try to protect them. If all you got to do is get to the back of your head. But stand-up-wise, a lot of guys get hit in the back of the head. They get hit with clubbing punches, like in melees. They never get in trouble for that. And there's a lot of elbows that go to the back of the head because you're up against the cage and in areas where you get in trouble hitting them somehow in ground and pound

it seems almost like elbows to the back of the head and punches the back of the head are really only recognized clearly when it's ground and pound well yeah why man what was that uh so diego sanchez elbowing the top of Clay Guida's head? Like, I don't know how those weren't, like, illegal. Like, it seems like by the rules that should have been illegal. Well, the top is fine. The top is fine. It's the base of the skull that's supposed to be the real danger area.

It's the back of the head and the base of the skull. Oh, you get elbowed top of the head? Yes. Like, directly? Top of the head's fine. The top of the head's fine. The sides of the head are fine. And there's, like, been a bunch of debate about, like, what is the they're called the mohawk the mohawk meaning this is the area

that can't hit mohawk in the back of the head like that strip down where the spine is some people extend it more towards the ears and some people keep it more narrow and some people lower it so it's just the base some people think that like right here like sort of the mid back of that it's fine so it's it's it's this it's open to debate but the idea is ultimately that the base of the spine is very dangerous to hit and then if you hit someone they're really hard you might be able to separate their fucking brain from their spinal column there was a big move in the old day see in the old days one of the best moves was you would take a guy's back

And then you would smash the back of his head with elbows like Henzo Gracie Did that to like this judo specialist that he fought and god? I want to say like I forget the organization it might have been Mars Or it might have been like one of those one of those like really really young old-school Martial arts promotions that never really made it so Hanzo gets this guy down gets his back and just fucking boom boom just smashes the back of his head because it's totally legal back then and you realize like that takes away all your rear naked chokes all that stuff that's like not even

nearly as effective as doing that like if you got a guy's head if you got him face down and you're smashing the back of his head with elbows while you have the back mount in there's very little he can do to defend that it used to be legal it's funny and even though they take away from the sport it still stays a thousand times more interesting than boxing you see man everybody says that right but I really found that fight interesting I'm of the minority that thought that it was a really interesting fight. Everybody was mad.

We waited for this, we waited for that. I'm like, come on. As a person who appreciates boxing, that fight to me was pretty wild. It was intense to watch because you know Manny Pacquiao has been able to get his gloves on everybody he fights. Everybody he fights, he lights up. He gets a hold of you eventually and he lights you up. And you might get him like Marquez got him. But before Marquez got him, it's not like Pacquiao didn't crack him.

You know, they weren't going back and forth and back and forth. Just Marquez has a legendary chin and awesome punching power. And he eventually knocked Pacquiao out. But Pacquiao is in these wars with Margarito, wars with Cotto. You know, just bashed the shit out of Chris Algieri. He's real slick and moves real well. Just gets you. He's a pretty boy white guy. He's a pretty boy white guy, but he's a bad motherfucker. Yeah. But Manny Pacquiao

just could not get to Floyd. The one time he did get to him, it was like nothing, you know. It's like Floyd just covered up, used his defense, kept checking his head like, nope, nothing, nope, nothing. Like Manny just couldn't get him. To to me that was impressive as fuck the way he was moving like every time manny would come for that blitz

floyd was gone he just wasn't there you know just super slick boxing to me i'm from philly so i spent a lifetime with bernard hopkins you know just watching him and rooting for him of these these really long slow fights they really like, they just take for granted. I think Floyd Mayweather is kind of the same thing for me. You know, I just watched, again, man, that, you see that Tyson documentary that's on cable all the time, which is him sitting and talking in the white shirt? When they go to that footage, once in a while I'll even watch that,

Fox Sports will do the, you know, the all-day, just Tyson's fights. But watching that early footage of him training and just how fast he was and what he was doing, how come there hasn't been another Mike Tyson since Mike Tyson? There's been arguably six Jordans since Jordan. You need a lot of things to come together correctly to make a Mike Tyson. You need a lot of things. Also, that talent, town I think in the last Decade jumps to MMA. Yeah, no, I don't know man. I don't know I mean, there's still a lot of guys who really like boxing

You know, I I got in a famous argument years back with this guy Lou DiBella on ESPN where I was telling the box he was gonna get swallowed up by the by the UFC by MMA by a more dynamic sport But I would have never done that if that guy wasn't a dick. I like boxing. I've always liked boxing. I've been a huge fan since I was a little kid, man. Just always been a fan of it. I also am a big fan of kickboxing.

I'm a big fan of glory, and I'm a big fan of Muay Thai because I think that there's things that you pull off in just straight kickboxing or boxing that you just can't do in MMA because guys will clinch you they'll throw you to the ground you just you can't get it off you can't do most of this shit Floyd Mayweather does with leg kicks as soon as leg kicks are in the mix sure you can't do most of this shit but to me what he's doing is incredible I mean it's so it's artistic he's beating the game he's going out at 48 and 0 with no brain scrambles.

Yeah. I mean, he's only been, like, tagged that I can remember twice, three times at maximum. Never been really fucking battered to the point where, like, the fight's going to be stopped and he's got to come back, like, Gotti Ward or anything like that. None of that shit. But if you're going to stay interested in boxing now, you have to be a real fan of like the sweet science You know, I mean like the quote-unquote because like there's just no I Mean, it's just that they're not people want to see knockout, you know at the end of day We're all I guess in the gladiator cage and we all want to see like, you know people get knocked out

you want to see that violence that you like MMA is such a scary thing to the layman That boxing's become less scary. You're like, look at the size of those gloves. These guys are going multiple rounds, and they're getting hit with, you know, there's like a sponge over your fist a little bit.

You know, like... Yeah, it's definitely... It's so much more... I think it just, like, draws... You can't go backwards. ...people's attention more. You can... I can.

I don't... I really... I mean, I'm not just saying this. Here's what you'll never do. You'll never have... A girl will never go retroactive from UFC to boxing. A girl will? I don't think so. But you can get a girl.

Girls very easily, I find, get into UFC. Really? I think girls get into UFC very, very easily. What do you think that is? That's some gladiator gene shit? They want to get some gladiator sperm in their body? I think there's that actual, yeah. I think there's the machismo of the whole thing and then also uh

in ufc very specifically but in in most of the televised mma stuff actually i mean ufc really does it like the best like if if you just give your girl two episodes of like the build-up shit like daniel cormier, John Jones, like she invested interest in that because we watched, I made her go back and watch John Jones like first thing when he came out, he was the hero.

You put her on a course? Yeah. Just like what it made her watch, you know, that half hour thing of him, like, you know, I saved the old woman from getting robbed and all this thing. And his story

and his kind of hard luck story and growing up. And she was like, wow, I really like this guy. I'm like, yeah, watch his things now. Like, he just, his personality is different. He just made himself like the villain, sort of. Well, I don't think he is.

I think villains in actual sports, though, not wrestling. What's funny about that, anything in any kind of sport, actually. Like, you know, even someone who hates the Yankees. Like, if you meet A-Rod, you're probably still like Mr. Rodriguez. You know, you're meeting like a sports celebrity to some degree You know I mean like I'd always say like fuck Michael Jordan like I'm not like the Bulls fan ever But it'd be amazing to meet Michael Jordan You know I mean don't you think like right now is a great time to get chicks into it too because of Ronda Rousey

Like there's never been oh yeah Never been a female fighter like Ronda Rousey a hot chick to beat the fuck out of everybody She's so hot and she really is there's a video of her with Luke Rockhold, and she's got Luke Rockhold in what we call spider web. It's when you try to finish an armbar. Luke Rockhold is a fucking monster, okay? He's like 6'3", he cuts down to 185. He's usually way over 200 pounds.

He's a fucking stud at jiu-jitsu. And Ronda, she completes the armbar on him. Like, he's defending. Like, he's really defending, and she completes the armbar on him like he's defending like he's really defending and she completes it and he has to tap that's how badass she is like do you i don't think you know like if you if you know you've never been armbarred before you don't know how ridiculous that is like a guy like luke rockhold should have like retarded defense like he's a an ace level mma black belt like look at this. This is Luke Rockhold on the bottom here. Okay, Luke Rockhold, again, is world class in the UFC at 185 pounds. Just beat the fuck out of Lyoto Machida.

I mean, destroyed him. Took him to the ground, controlled him, smashed him, finished out the round. And here he is trying to defend against Ronda Rousey's armbar. And she's got a bunch of different techniques she uses to attack the grip that he's using. She keeps adjusting and readjusting. Now, see how he stepped over her head right there? That's like fucking DEFCON 4. Like, he knows he's in some serious

trouble. Because if she straightens out his arm, he's done and he's got to tap. And she seconds away from straightening out his arm. And he's going to get to the situation, tap, tap, tap. He had to tap. She fucking tapped him, dude. She fights at 135 as a woman. He fights 50 pounds heavier as one of the best men in the world. That's how fucking good her armbar technique is.

There's never been a fighter in any fucking sport like her before. That's like a total pioneer. There's no one before her like her before no that's like a total pioneer like there's no one before her like her she she so impressed me on that last one that was at katsingana yeah because i know it was over in 14 seconds but watching it just in real time i was like that was a series of lucky things that worked out for her in that position and then not, though. No, no. And then when she said in the interview, she said, I've been working on that, you know, doing the armbar from that transition.

And then when you watch it in slow motion, you see her make a fucking decision to step over her body. It was one of the craziest things I've ever seen. Yeah, she's terrifying. She's terrifying. And she's not like, you know, Cyborg was terrifying, but so much because of the size.

Right. It wasn't like any kind of necessary, I mean, she had a skill set, but it wasn't that that was so, it was just like, she was a thousand times bigger. Kind of like a man. Yeah. I mean, let's be, I mean, nobody wants to say that. It was like China. It was like China at her height.

Way worse than China. Way worse than China. Big wise. Yeah. She was like the size, but it was different because you were getting to see her actually hit people. China was really impressive because she was big and strong. She was on

Fear Factor. China's yoked. I mean, she's a big girl. If you had to wrestle her, that's a goddamn tussle. That's a big gal. She's strong as fuck. That's wrestling. Stop it! I'm trying to forget! Did you watch the one where she did anal? You know she's strong sex tape with Did you watch the one where she did anal

The pro one one was mostly pro one she did professional porn fell apart, but yes did one where it's back door to Did it I remember it having a little but it was like a really famous porn dude. Oh went for it poor bastard But um but my point was like when she you're not supposed to say the cyborg looked like a man But when she was beating the fuck out of like Gina Carano, she was like a man It wasn't like the classic female body type. So when she got busted for male steroids Everybody's like the horse. Yeah She looks different now, though, man. She's become more feminine, a lot more feminine. But there's an honest debate as to how much of what you do to your body when you alter it that severely, how much you change that's permanent.

Like, they've done these studies on athletes that have taken anabolic steroids and they've had permanent effects on the their strength permanent well not just temporary but permanent like permanent improvements in strength and so they wonder like how much of you know her getting off the male hormones like how much does she lose does she lose all of it is it still fair I mean what what is it I don't know you know my uh my stepfather I think is a pretty naturally strong guy, but he did a bunch of steroids. He was younger powerlifting that's what he did and You know even through his 40s, and you know he's in his 50s now

Like I can still go out there and bench on just a day throw up like 350 pounds I mean I remember in his 30s like we're doing like 455 and shit And he's not you know he weighs like you know a buck 70 bucks 75 yeah those power lift your dudes man. That's a totally different type of move in your body That's like some severe strength that's required to do like all this, but I'm saying but I love the steroids I believe like definitely you still you still build a base. I think it's what happened I think it raises your base it definitely can I mean according to these studies But the question is it gets more complicated when it's a woman because it's not it's not even like she took like more of what? She already had yeah, she actually introduced some stuff that she's not supposed to have I mean you do have a little bit of testosterone

When you're a woman But nothing like the levels that they take when they get into bodybuilding or powerlifting like the women that like even track and field women People get they get caught all the time taking shit cuz it works I mean it changes their ever seen like bodybuilder porn like girl bodybuilder porn pictures like oh It's I mean it's a man's body I was watching one of those those of my strange addiction shows and this lady that was Addicted to bodybuilding and she her sister was on as a point of reference it was really interesting like her sister's like you're getting bigger are you

gonna keep getting bigger she's like i just love it this is what i look like now i love it i can't wait how long how you know how often do you work out and she's like oh i work out like three days a week she's like i work out seven hours a day she was working out six seven hours a day. She was working out six, seven hours a day. Her fucking head was as big as Tito Ortiz's and my head glued together. She's a giant fucking neck. Huge traps. Look at this, broad. Is that her? Is that the one from the show? Yeah. Look at the size of this lady.

Jesus fucking Christ. Me and, uh, the years ago, maybe 2005 or something like that, 2006, me and Patrice did the nasty show in Montreal together. And after the show, there was a bodybuilder chick who was a white girl, way into him, and really throw, and she was just, but she was just saying stuff like so sexy to him.

Patrice was so, I mean, he didn't do anything with her, but I remember him saying, he was like, he was, I might just have to wrestle this big bitch. I was with a jujitsu girl once. That was very intimidating. She's a regular-sized gal. She's an actual... This other one, I don't know if you know about.

I've been with three jiu-jitsu chicks before, and one was definitely bigger than the other ones. She just had one of those big bodies, and I remember her vagina was very clean and no hair, but yet it had that explosion of pussy lip, like brown pussy lip. It was like a meaty vagina, and it was weird.

It was a weird... I've never even fucked a chick with abs, I don't think, ever. I had one gal that was a bodybuilder when I was really young. I think I was 21, and I did this gal from New Hampshire who had a six-pack it was weird yeah she had a great body though her legs were incredible I mean that like in a dress like those bodies and dresses look great sometimes yeah the girl's just like not not abs like bodybuilder abs but just like a girl who's like a girl who's strong but looks like a girl like there's a difference between a girl strong looks like a girl or a gal like no offense

the lady in those photographs was most likely on some male hormones. I mean, get the fuck out of here. That's Vitor Belfort in Brazil. I mean, look at the size of that chick. She looks like Mark Coleman when he won the heavyweight title. She's fucking huge. But that male hormone is why their faces look. That wasn't the face she was destined to have.

No, she has a man's face now. She's very manly. I mean, like, monster-like. Poor gal. have no she has a man's face yeah she's very manly i mean like monster like it's really weird touching a girl also when it's hard as a rock and not like soft and yeah she and but i mean okay here's the question is that better or worse than someone who eats themselves into a gelatinous wall of meat i would take fat over that really yep like for a gal for your lady friend Yeah, I would hook up with a I mean for the ones for the store I'd go that the right life so you think like if you could get her off the sauce

She could probably woman up a little bit right They do much how much would she woman up, but she would still retain a bunch of it You know I know because there's a gal that lives in my friend's neighborhood, and I go to visit him, and she was apparently some Olympian bodybuilder back in the Dizzee, and now she's in her 50s, and she looks like a monster. Really? She looks like a monster. Just faces all.

She looks... It's like... And when I say monster, I don't mean the worst monster. I mean like, eh. it would be kind of scary it's just what she's what she did was turn herself into a semi-male semi-female thing yeah like she's changed like her appearance has changed and it's become you know she's become more male than you're supposed to be or than she was, you know? Yeah. You know, you can't go back either. I don't think you can. I think they could probably like,

I saw a gal had her chin shaved down. She was some big bodybuilder lady, power lifter, martial artist. China did something like that. She had her chin shaved down because her chin got too big. Stop. China did all that.

China used to have that square face Yeah, she changed like she came much more feminine When they start opening your skin Grinding down your bones. It's a good Arnold had that done too and Arnold had developed a very large upper brow area Then like there's like before and after like would you look at him in Conan and you look at him skull shaving? Yeah, they shaved his skull down to something more reasonable.

Have you ever... That's just a rumor, though. That's one of those rumors, like the Richard Gere gerbil one. Well, you never really know. Me and my buddy literally just talked about this. Those urban myths. Like, that was actually a...

The gerbil up the ass was a specific Philadelphia newscaster that used to say it about... In Philly, like, that story, that urban legend. And the other one was, you know, pumping a gallon of cum out of Rod Stewart. Wait a minute. You think you know the origin, like where it started from?

Well, that's literally what we were talking about earlier was that, like, it's amazing how that got around so many years before the Internet. Like, that's, you know shit for rumors to happen now is simple one person of any kind of like you know who has any kind of ear or any kind of voice for people you know like says something it becomes gospel to some people yeah we've talked about it a bunch of times that that's the the mother of all rumors like that no other rumor came close because eddie bravo grew up in la i grew up in boston we both heard about at the same time yeah you lived in Columbus. So it made its way across the entire country.

But the Rod Stewart one was nothing compared. The Rod Stewart one was what? He had his stomach pumped. Why didn't he just throw up? It didn't make any sense. I had it thrown up. I'm like, this is ridiculous. How much cum did he drink? Come on. That's ridiculous. Just puke. Why do you have to go to the hospital?

How much cum could it have possibly been? Are you going to go to the hospital and tell them you drank cum? Why? Are they going to test it? How the fuck do they know what it is? You don't have to tell them it's cum. What is it? I don't know. It's fucking milk or glue or something. There's so much that has to come out. He's blowing Peter North. Imagine going to the hospital and just...

First of all, I thought about how much I came. At the time, I was a young, young boy. I was probably like 12 when that rumor came out. I was thinking about how much I came at the time. I was a young, young boy. I was probably like 12 when that rumor came out. I was thinking about how much I can come. I'm like, how much more could a grown adult possibly come? It doesn't even make any sense. Like, how much could be in my body? Like, is he going to baby bird come?

Like, that's how much come? He just has a gallon? I'm taking that back because now that I think about it, I think this came out when I was 12. So I probably had never cum yet. Just that weird little shiver? Yeah, I probably really didn't even know what the actual volume would be. So that doesn't make any sense. They said it was like quarts or gallons or something like that.

By 12, you knew what cum was. You just knew it wasn't happening to you. You can't really find it back then either. When did Pretty Woman come out? Because it came out after that. That was way later. That was way later. Didn't it come out after that?

That's why we all knew who Richard Gere was? No, everybody knew who he was before that. He's from American Gigolo. Officer and Gentleman. Yeah, American Gigolo. He was in a lot of big movies, dude. It seemed like it came out around Pretty Woman. But what's that got to say?

It probably just came up again because that was like the next big, big, big hit he did. It's just amazing that it made it all the way across the country like that. Yeah. No, absolutely. The word was that he had left Scientology. And it's Scientology. Where did I get this word? I have no idea.

It's the most poorly researched word ever. But this is what I heard. It's that he left Scientology and someone in Scientology said, yeah, we'll fix that fucker. And they put out some crazy rumor that homeboy had a gerbil up his ass. I believe that. Have you been following the whole HBO show? Oh, yeah.

Going Clear. Yeah. That's scary. There's only the one documentary, right? Is it a series? But now they're making a documentary about that guy that made the movie. Scientology is. They're also making a documentary about Louis Theroux.

Louis Theroux, the documentarian from England. Oh, yeah, I love him. He's doing a special on Scientology. So Scientology decided to do a documentary on him. That's fucked up. Dude. Unless it was really good and you're like, geez, thanks a lot, Scientology. Maybe you guys are pretty cool. That's a cool documentary. I don't think it's going to be.

It's just really well done and everything's great. Yeah, it's all about roses I think it's a hit piece You know I think that's what they're doing They're trying to intimidate people From paying attention to them You know what I just watched this morning

I woke up on Netflix And I was watching a documentary called Tricked About the How like guys pimp girls How they get girls Like young girls And pimp them out And the stuff they say

And it convinces them And the girls Giving their account Of what You know like what the guy said to them and how they were like you know it's hey i got invited to a party and then there was no one at the party and he goes well let's go have some dinner and then like you know two hours later it was like suck this guy's dick in a car it's the same when you hear these like adults who are out of scientology talking about and one guy was actually laughing a lot in the documentary saying like I know it sounds so stupid

Telling it to you that they were like, you know, if you don't sit in this room for the next three months You know, you're all going to hell and you're you know, your inner aliens are gonna fuck you up or something They came out, you know, but you just get like I don't know how someone could talk you into that stupid shit like I really don't the pimp mentality, I just I guess I'm not that uh, talk you into that stupid shit. Like, I really don't, the pimp mentality, I just, I guess I'm not that convincing of a speaker to even think that I could do some shit like that. I don't even, I think you're not a loser. And I think there's a lot of people out there, I'm not saying that everyone who's a prostitute

or a Scientologist is a loser. It's just, but let's be honest. Losers. The percentage is not so much in your favor. But the point being, it's like, if you down and out and everybody's been down and out, there's certain people that get a different level of down and out than you've ever been or I or you. That's the reality of it. It's not necessarily that it's their fault.

It's just there's levels of down and out. And some people, your life is shit from the moment you're born. You're born into a terrible environment. Your parents are fucked up. Your family life is fucked up. There you're born you're born into a terrible environment your parents are fucked up your family life is fucked up there's all sorts of abuse there's sexual abuse there's violence there's chaos there's crime there's starvation you never know where your food's coming from and then all of a sudden some dude comes along and he's giving you love and that is reality and it's not pretty and people don't like it but there's levels there's levels of fucked up

You're talking about some people I'm talking about all of it Scientology and prostitution and moonies and you know the Fill in the blank Mormon whatever that's how anything extreme recruits even like you know you if you if you get away from you just religion Like white supremacists recruit that way the downtrodden. I mean those documentaries on HBO used to be my favorite. Pimps Up, Hose Down. No, no. I mean, Skinheads USA. Did you ever see that one? That's the one where the guy, like, you know, their leader, he's like, and, you know, I leave him alone here.

I trust him during the day when I go work at the tire shop. You know what I mean? He works in like a used tire farm or something. Did you see what happened yesterday in Texas? No. They had a Draw Muhammad contest or a Draw Muhammad art exhibit so some guys came and started shooting at them and

they killed these two guys that were shooting at this Draw Muhammad exhibit. Wow. Yeah. Shooting at people in Texas is like I mean, seriously, that's like jumping in the water and trying to bite a shark. It might be one of the dumbest fucking things

Everyone around you everyone in Texas is armed to the tits You can't just be shooting people in Texas especially at a draw Mohammed exhibit They should just have draw Mohammed exhibits And then just have like guys with you know police surround it and just wait for somebody to come that's like a honeypot you know that's like a Trap that is a good way to shoot really radical extremists. But the idea that they think that they can shoot you, because

I see this argued on Twitter all the fucking time. They should have been provoking them. If all they have to do to provoke you is draw a picture of a guy, what the fuck? How could anybody ever form that argument

by saying, oh, maybe they shouldn't be paroching him. They knew what they were doing. They're doing that to incite violence. No, they're drawing. That's it. That's all it is. There's something designed to piss off there. I just don't think you don't...

To get to the point where they want to kill you, there's nothing. Nothing. Your mother could be sucking a gorilla's dick. It's not good enough. Your mother should be jer a gorilla's dick. It's not good enough. Your mother should be jerking off King Kong while Godzilla fucks her mouth. No, it's not enough.

You can draw that. No one's going to want to kill you. But I believe in the thing. It's like, yeah, draw Muhammad. Who cares? But I think you shouldn't be... We've already been over the shock that people will murder for this. So it's kind of like when that happens, it doesn't blow you away as much. I mean, if you hear about cops being in things

where they killed a black kid, are you blown away anymore? We're desensitized to that story almost at this point. Yeah, well, I guess we are to a certain extent. You know, there's definitely, we're not as surprised. It's still outrageous to people, but we're not as surprised. You know, just the idea that it's somehow or another

Excusable in any way shape or form that you would think on about that you think about yeah What they did is definitely ridiculous if you don't want violence It's definitely ridiculous, but if that's all it takes to incite violence how the fuck do you in that cycle? You're just gonna keep perpetuating that to the end of time is it perfect it never needs any evolution you're telling me the the idea at all that somehow or another it's offensive to draw someone is so fucking ridiculous in 2015 that anybody that defends in any way shape or form even like peripherally you're you're way off if you talk to david tell he'll tell you that the whole world's like more nervous than ever you know i mean like people are more offended than ever oh they are they are more offended than ever it's a weird time for comedy you know the whole world's more nervous than ever. You know what I mean? People are more offended than ever. Oh, they are.

They are more offended than ever. It's a weird time for comedy. There's a lot of shit that you're not supposed to make. People are actually saying, someone made a mild joke about Bruce Jenner, and people were saying, hey man, it's not cool to make fun of him. Oh, it's not? Oh, that Jamie Foxx thing was so benign. It was so benign.

And then Bill Maher had one, too. And everybody was upset at it. Listen, you know, whatever's wrong with him, whatever's wrong with Bruce Jenner, to say that you can't make fun of that, well then everything funny is off base. You got a guy who was an Olympic gold medalist who's now become a woman, and he still wants to be a he.

So he still wants you to refer to him as Bruce until he decides to change that. He's shooting his lips up. He's taking hormones. There's no humor in that? Really? Really? That's perfect? That's beautiful and peaceful? Technically, it's not too soon either because he's been wearing panties since like fucking 85 or something, he said.

And he's been taking hormones for like two years, right? But he took hormones back in the late 80s also. He did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In that interview, he says that. This is the second time he's ever done that so oh so he took he started I mean, I had electrolysis take off all the hair on his face when he was way younger to his a super beautiful So yeah, so he went through all this stuff like way way way younger So yeah, so it's not even too like this is things that I mean people have been making jokes about him without confirmation from him

For years even on that Kardashian show. I mean, making the same exact joke. People are actually getting like, look at this prophecy when, you know, just to throw a name out there, it was like, you know, Dave Chappelle made a joke three years ago about this. Like, yeah, he's looked like a woman for the past fucking 10 years. Yeah, someone made a joke about it.

There was a joke on Saturday Night Live or something in the 90s. Yeah. Yeah. About like, it was a woman from behind and it's Bruce Jenner but the opposite thinking it was Bruce Jenner and it's a woman you didn't watch the interview at all I watched very little of it there was some really some really great part in point I can't remember it now did you tear up oh this is the no I didn't I thought it was this is the whole thing was ridiculous and

hilarious you're not supposed to make fun of it, right? Because you're supposed to be open-minded and you're supposed to be supportive and kind to someone who's obviously transitioning through a very rough and difficult thing. That's all well and good. And I'm with that. I get that. But if you're not homophobic or transphobic or any of that, and you really don't have any problem with anybody doing anything they want to.

Do whatever you want to. I'll totally accept it. I have zero problem with it at all. But to tell me it's not funny, like, please get the fuck out of here. You got a guy who's becoming a woman. Like, there's a guy who's six foot six who's playing college women's basketball. He's 50. Okay?

He was a man most of his life, had children, just decided at one point in time that he wanted to be a woman, and then found out that because he's now a new sex, he can reenter college sports. So he played college basketball as a fucking man back in the day, and now he's playing college basketball as a girl. But he's 50, and he's a giant. Full sex change? Full sex change. So he's moving around, and there's people that are freaking out out about it and there's people that are saying you shouldn't make fun of it and you should just let it be like look to say this is not controversial is crazy you're a crazy person to say there's not some controversy in a six foot six 50 year old man playing college sports with

girls i mean what okay now he's a woman so we have to call him a woman now. Okay. But can we just concede that he was a man for 40 fucking years and has a man's frame and is enormous? Like, can we concede that being 50 is probably a little old to play basketball against teenagers? No, because you've got to protect people's feelings who write letters and shit.

Yeah, I mean, look at the size of him. The whole thing is like... Her. Excuse me. She's a girl. Even with the Bruce Jaren thing, what I find so interesting is that I feel like by what people would say, I'd be judged in my life as transphobic, whatever that word means. Yet, I have no problem.

I think you should be able to do whatever you want to do. If you want to cut your dick off to get a pussy made by a doctor, get your dick cut off. But I don't think I should be judged because I think that's bonkers. You know what I mean? If you want to do it, do it. I don't care. I'm not afraid. I wouldn't not shake somebody's hand because they were transgender.

I don't care. I still think it's a decision that you probably should have been talked out of by somebody. Well, maybe and maybe not. I'm not talking about you dressing like a woman or being gay or feeling this thing. But I've made an argument many times, and I've gotten many arguments about this because people just jumped the gun on the words. But with gay, my friend with me is gay. I have tons of gay friends. I have no weirdness with

gay people at all but i think it's like a deviate it's like something that went kind of wrong almost like you know to the extent of like webbed fingers or something but there shouldn't be anything wrong with it and people should be able to do whatever they want to do who gives a shit you know i'm saying at all but to start if you're going to start marring your body to do something where it's like even when it's done, like no one's, no one's really happy from the stuff I've read and watched at least with like their new pussy. I don't know.

You could say that. You have to check a lot of dudes. You're absolutely right. A lot of gals. How do you feel about your new pussy? I said the stuff that I've seen and read. Two things. One, the idea that they're all the same.

Like there's levels of everything, you know, and there's. Two things. One, the idea that they're all the same. Like, there's levels of everything, you know, and there's certain people that want to be transgender and they still want to keep their dick, you know, which is fine, too. Sure. I think there's some people that have mental illness and there's some people that really do feel like they were born in the wrong body.

I agree with you. There's nothing, I mean, why would I, I think. But don't you think it's like a misfire, though? But this is what I think. It's very rare that you can cure something mental with surgery. It's very rare that, like, there's something that doesn't feel right to you, which I guess is a mental thing. Or the, you know, how you view yourself. And you can fix that with surgery.

That gets real strange. That gets real strange. Like, as far as, like, just accepting who you are and what you are and what nature is. I would never want to be the person to tell someone what to do. Like you and I, we're both covered in tattoos. You know, what if someone came along and tell us we couldn't do that? I love tattoos. I think they look badass.

You can't use the Apple Watch now, Joe. Yeah, I heard. I heard. But it's like, I don't give a fuck, man. Do whatever you want to do. I don't have any problem with it. But I don't know a fuck, man. Do whatever you want to do. I don't have any problem with it. But I don't know what you're feeling. So for me to even comment on it in any way is kind of ridiculous for me to assume.

Like, I know what's going on. Whether I know you're crazy or whether I know that you were actually really born a woman. Or whether, you know, fill in the blank. A variety of reasons to decide you're in the wrong gender. You might get bored being a dude You might have a bunch of women around you that you like more than you like men And you wish you were one of them. I know a dude who was for the longest time was tell my wife He's gay. No. He's not gay. He's not gay. He's not gay boom. He comes out

He's like 46 this poor bastard like wasted his whole fucking life pretending that he wasn't gay. I'm like this dude is gay I'm telling you he's gay, but he was always around these women He would hang around them and talk with them and be one of them. It's like there was the energy in the room. There's an energy in a room if there's a dude and maybe his girlfriend or a bunch of their friends. There's an energy like, well, there's guys here and he's not going to talk like us. But this dude was in the mix. He was in the mix with them about everything.

Have you seen the new bag? He would do that hand stuff that girls do. You know, he would move like them, man. And if you had gotten a hold of that dude and talked him into it, he probably would have become a woman. Really? I think he could have been, if you hypnotized him. You could have made him become a woman. But gay, man, see, that's a weird one.

I think, first of all, definitely born that way. Definitely. I agree. But I don't necessarily think it's like a... I don't think it's a bad thing. They seem to be enjoying it. I think the only way it would be bad is if there wasn't enough people to reproduce. I think it's just a deviation. I think

it's a deviation. Like, some people are tall. Some people are short. But I don't think it's a... I don't think it's a negative. You know? It just doesn't seem to be negative. The only thing that would be negative is that they don't have a correct hole to fuck. There's this transgender webcam room that

on Chatterbait where you can look at transgenders doing webcam stuff. And you just stumbled upon this. And I was just, you know, no, I was with this girl that she's like, you gotta check this out. And I'm like, I don't want to look at this. She's like, I want to see a good fake vagina. And there was this one guy that was, on the top, looked just like Tom Segura,

like a normal guy. And on the bottom, he had a really well done vagina. And it was deep. It was deep. She was jealous because he had like this humongous vibrator in him. And I didn't know. Listen, you are haunting dreams.

I didn't know it was deep though. It's such a weird, throughout the world right now with that image I am Segura with a giant pussy like a deep pussy and a giant black rubber dong I thought like the fake vagina wasn't a deep thing. I thought was just like kind of like outer You know you it's just split a dick open I always assume it was as deep as long as your dick was So they just took your dick inside out

Almost like it was a simple just pushing the dickhead all the way back in. I think they do real surgery now. If I remember, I think they can actually construct a tube in there. Yeah, I'm sure it's advanced. But you know what? I've interviewed- He was creamy. He was creamy.

So what's that cream? Is that cum? Well, it has to be some lube that they're using. No, he- I mean, it has to. How much did you watch? It was probably spit. Do you know that movie Ex Machina the wasn't they weren't really robots Brian There's always I've seen some fake Jews before for sure. I've seen some fake dongs. Oh, this is one guy every every

Porn he does he keeps his pants on and his fake dong just comes through the hole Oh, they make him like ridiculously see the strap. It was just like fake I'm like who wants to see this this girl fucking this guy who's a liar i've got a big rubber fake dick i i interviewed twice now the uh the the transgender chick that dated michael phelps was born like both sexes oh she says and then uh and became a woman she had a lot of surgery, but that's not transgender then that's like just she just she just did a porno Right just at a porno as and she told me to look at the trailer I watched a trailer and it's it's a it's odd-looking

Perfect job, but she has a girl's body, but it's just available online We see the vagina you watch it right now. Okay, pull it up Jamie as long as it doesn't get on the u-stream We don't want to get Brad in trouble. It's called going for the gold. But if she was a vagina, let me ask you this, because it's so important. If she was born with both, okay, let me ask you. If you were born with both, would you make a decision? I think in this day and age, you'd be better off being that one dude that can do it all.

I mean good Yeah, I mean unless you're home a decision decide which direction a kid would go in that sense. Some people argue the same thing with circumcision. Well, you know, people have been circumcised and their dick got cut off, so they transitioned them to girls. Do you know that? No. Yeah, they lost their dick in like interstate surgery mistake what am I gonna see here face like am I gonna get to see it in this huh this is they're

gonna show the box oh yeah well she looks a lot like a gal also they have a swimmer come and meet her through the pool BAM how rude whoa what's that her whole hand is just he's that a gay that's a man having sex yeah what he's eating it it okay. So is that guy what's going on? I don't know what's going on. What is that? How do you see what is that exactly? It looks like regular sex Yeah, this totally looks like a man having sex with a girl. Hmm. That looks like a total vagina Like if you didn't enjoy that vagina, you're just picky. Oh Wait, I thought this was there from aphid. Okay. Well, we just saw a jerk off on a

Former male a former male a male female former trans. Well, you didn't see the box there They showed it. I didn't see it. Oh Close up. It looks like that. It's like a box with balls. It's There's a large Balls. It's, you know. There's a large, stitious area above the box hole area.

The lips are, they're bulky. The far left is the most disturbing. Yeah, it looks like there's balls inside the lips. But again, like if you're trapped on a deserted island

and you get mad at this, you're a picky fuck. Right? If I was trapped in a hotel lobby for two hours, I'd give it a whirl. I mean,

we're all, you know, we're living in a weird world where there's going to come a whirl. I mean, we're all, you know, we're living in a weird world where there's going to come a time, I think, if not in our lives, in our grandchildren's lives, for sure, where they're going to be able to change your sex. Like, you're going to be able to see, yeah, they're just going to give you some sort of a genetic alteration. You'll be a woman. I don't think that's going to be

outside the realm of possibility within the next 150, 200 years. They're just so close to fixing so many different things about people. And then once they fix everything, I mean, they're never going to fix everything. We're always going to have some diseases and colds and flus and shit. But I think they're going to be able to do some pretty incredible shit to your body. And they're going to get to a point where people start going, you know what? There's a clinic in Thailand, and all you have to do is pay them $50,000,

and you can become a woman, like a real woman. And you can turn back if you don't like it. And they'll show clients that every six years they go back. I was a man for five years. I enjoyed a lot of lovely things that when I was a girl, I'd appreciate more. And then it's balanced my perspective, being a man for 30 years, then a woman for five, then a man again. I just kind of get it. Four years, I just took cock left and right maybe not maybe just If you just live as a girl, just do girl shit also the other thing you're gonna have to deal with It's like you see the perfect gal

You know you see the perfect gal walking on the street like just big ass and thin waist big Jesus Christ your genes just call out, right? Like your DNA just goes, oh my God. Like if a group of guys were like this, and we're not rude, right? We're not rude people. But if we saw some gal and she was outside of ear range, like if she was walking down the street,

you know, you would probably be like, dude, look at this. And you'd go, oh my God, nature's amazing. Nature's amazing. Look at the pole. We're all like, this is like a sunset or a fantastic art exhibit. You're watching nature's art walk down the street in the shape of a beautiful girl. What if you could just get that?

What if you just, bing! You just go to a doctor and then your body straightens up and gets straighter. You know, if you're a big boxy type gal, your body slips down the waist. Boink! Your ass pops out. Flunk! Your tits pop and then Everybody looks hot as fuck. It's not like sexual communism though to some degree like you kind of want to keep it like

Sexual You really do want to keep because don't you want to keep the elite because there is something what I find interesting about you about looking at like uh like chicks in that capacity at all is that like uh there's some that are just fucking undeniable do you know what i mean yeah like i point out girls who i thought were beautiful my buddy's like you know last night was like that's an la six and i'm like i thought she was stunning how about beyonce if you don't think she's hot, you're gay. You have to be gay. If you don't look at Beyonce and go, Jesus Christ. Like, you know that, what's that fucking song, if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-oh. Yeah, she's very sexy for sure. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Look at that fucking body, though.

But even with Lorde. There's a lot of girls that are undeniable. It's like they're attractive and pretty. But I'm talking about the undeniable where everyone's like that. Jennifer Lopez. In her prime, Jennifer Lopez. Undeniable. Beautiful.

Just get the fuck out of here. Salma Hayek in her prime was just fucking stunning. Undeniable. Undeniable. Kate Upton for a couple of years. Undeniable. That's it. Yeah, it's absolutely true.

Like there's some people, no one can even argue like, oh, their ass is too flat or it's too big or it's too, you know. Yeah. If you, you know, it's amazing. It's even hot. I mean, you know, Nicki Minaj looks, you know, some people think that's like ideal. Some people are like, it's retarded looking. You know, it's like, it's ridiculous.

Well, the problem with that is, did she always look like that? And if she didn't always look like that, how's her ass that big? Are those, am I looking at bags of water? Like, what am I looking at? I just saw her on, uh, on SNL. I've seen her where her ass looks, you big fat and like good and like the porn esque I guess kind of way when I saw it last time she literally looks like a like a battle droid just like some kind of like

Tank like you know like like bottoms, you know, I mean, it's like isn't it weird in like the 90s We never thought that was hot. We were like look at that girls fucking at fat ass I was just gonna bring that up not that it was a fat ass but it wasn't something that everybody aspired to yeah like i was driving down the street the other day and there's like some ad about building a better butt you know like they're having classes at this gym just to build better butts so i think it's like it's and we're for real it's like i saw that but we're out here and then you see all these girls squatting in the back and like oh Jesus Christ Like what happened what happened? Well, that's a major shift. You know what it was black male culture kind of dictated

The fashion and style and stuff for white dudes for a long time kind of taking over the style of that and now like finally The black women are now kind of setting like the tone for like the body shape i think it was the depression i think people were so poor and starving they forgot that they liked big asses and then it took like a while before they woke up and they got through the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and then sir mix-a-lot came along and he had that one song and everybody was like yeah wait a minute yeah like why why is it so great to me? And then you too? Yeah. What the fuck? How come we've been ignoring this?

And it's almost like somewhere in there, there's a good research. Now it's everyone. You talk to men, like what's the most important thing? What's the most attractive thing to a girl? Almost every guy says ass. Almost every guy. It's the Cola Wars. Cola Wars?

I'm a face guy. Well, of course. I mean, face is important. Face will do a lot for me. Also, as a guy who couldn't be picky when I was younger as a fat dude, like, face meant a lot. You know what I mean? If I could go with a pretty face I could look at, and if she was big, like, you know, maybe she'll say yes. Maybe she'll go back with me.

It really sucks, too, when you get close to a girl, and then you notice, like, the sunlight shines on her face. You're like, oh, shit, she's got whiskers. Orers or oh she has no chin at all. She's like a little picky No, I'm just saying that's how important faces because like if it was tits or ass and the tits had this humongous brown mole on It you know you'd be like it's weird for me too if someone said Like tits or ass like I over both of those. I'd rather see any girl's pussy I don't know why that means the world to me. You're a pervert. I guess. You're like a meaty, right? It's not even

knowing that. Even if it was just like hair. You want to see the pubes? Just a little pubes? Sure. Just the mound, the pubic bone, the hump. I remember being a teenager and what bummed me out when girls all started shaving their pussies bald was some girl told me, she goes, I I go let me see your pubes and she goes

He goes I shaved my pussy bald and I go really and then she pulled her my pants down to like the top of her Classy we'll call it pussy slit I guess And uh gosh what a good kid. It's amazing though. How not Exciting it was to see that if there was pussy hair there you'd be like oh i'm not supposed to see that but when there's nothing there you know i mean it takes away like uh and maybe it's maybe you know i'm 37 so when i was a kid like all porn everything was like pussy hair and if you right if you were so maybe that's like what i'm just drawn to in that way but i find it very like uh it really takes away i mean when a girl wears those bikinis where it just comes like you know right above where their pussy starts like

You don't feel like you're seeing anything that weird, but if but if you Saw a girl laying down and some pubes were coming out the side of her Bathing suit that's actually you feel like you're seeing more than if you saw all the top of her pussy right? That's a nice rose album. What's that black rose? America Black Crowes album. What's that Black Crowes album? America. America. America. Gross. That's a great album cover. Pull that up, James. That's from Hustler, I think. Was it?

That's a great album cover. Black Crowes are the shit. That big muff. They were the shit, son. Yeah, it's weird when you, I kind of forgot about Pussy Hair, and then when you see it, you're like, you kind of miss it. I missed it. Well, it's weird because when we were kids, it was kind of iconic.

It was like that represented, like, guys would call it a beaver. You know? Oh, yeah. Just a little bit of pubes poking out of the top. Remember Samantha Fox? Remember Samantha Fox in the 80s? Mm-hmm. And then they found out that over in England, she did a bunch of naked pictures.

And like, yeah, Big Bush. She was a page six girl. Like, they used to have page six of their newspaper where they would show tits. That's why they were so much more advanced than us with their art. That's why the Beatles and shit came from there. They were so much more relaxed.

They would show tits in the newspaper. Relax, it's just tits. Everybody's so freaked out. And hair was more of like an eyelash for the vagina for periods and stuff so it wouldn't get everywhere, and that's why girls are... That's not what it is. The butthole hair was always disturbing, though. Yeah, I don't like that.

Nobody ever liked the butthole hair, because some gals just did not know what they were doing when it came to wiping. And back then, nobody had a bidet, and nobody had baby wipes. It was toilet paper, and sometimes some of it stuck around. So you get those little... It looks like joints for little G gi joe figures super tightly rolled up did you know those little shit joint did you know those little nose trimmers that you buy you use that for your asshole also you can't yeah, it's crazy. I was unaware of that yeah, well. It's not rocket science

It's not like trying to figure out solar power Those air trimmers on your ass. It's just if it cuts hair it cuts hair Yeah, you know it just does and it doesn't like cut you and stuff well couldn't you get like one of those? Face shavers those little nice ones yeah down there with your ass. Oh, yeah, I'm a shaving your asshole hair yeah What's that? Oh, I just leave my girls you know what though you could do a way better job of cleaning it if your asshole? What are you talking about shaving your asshole hair? Yeah, anyone's asshole hair. Oh, I just leave my asshole hair. Like a quarter-hand girl's. You know what, though? You could do a way better job of cleaning it if your asshole is shaved.

But your asshole will grow that hair back like a wild bush, and then in a couple days, you'll be just squeezing your ass cheeks everywhere you go to keep from just digging in there and just itching, just clawing at your asshole like a wolf trying to bury a caribou. The fucking stubble. Half stubble and ball stubble. Ball stubble is horrible. Jesus Christ. How come my face stubble barely bothers me?

My head stubble doesn't. Like, I got a lot of stubble up here right now. No, it doesn't bother me at all. But Jesus Christ, my asshole is just like. You start moving around in your chair when you wipe your ass and you grab a good like a bundle of hair on the way out you know it's the best man one wipe Charlie's you ever try that I want them so bad what is that it's like a dude wipe like that kind of a thing like a baby wipe they made they made for men

We don't smell like flowers like you just got ass fucked by a flower floor Yeah, well that Japanese thing is the shit man Yeah, is it gonna stall one in here? Yeah, I'm gonna install one in here eventually Does it shoot like high pressure water? Hang out for an hour. Is it high pressure water? High pressure water, warm air. It dries your asshole off.

There's two different speeds to the water it shoots in your asshole. Totos. It also cleans your vagina if you're a gal. It cleans your vag area. You can back your vag up, get a little tingly, tingly, and if, you know, you guys have a little time and you're like, I was a gal. your badge up get a little tingly tingly and if you know you guys a little time and you're fine we went to Japan I just sat there for seriously for a half hour

with the the one shooting in my asshole cuz it just felt so good they hit like the back wall of your a butthole that never do it to feel like I was like getting clear I still feel I have to do paper afterwards. No, no It was so clean. I mean it was like taking a shower for your butthole. Yeah, it's ridiculous It's you're not doing as good a job. I'm telling you you just Hearing even if you using baby wipes, you're just smearing over your hair Okay, imagine if I took some shit, and I just rubbed in the top of your hair. You're like. I'm good I got a baby wipe You would never accept that if I had to get in the shower and you would clean your asshole hair fair enough

But but if you told me I if you told me I had 70 baby wipes and a roll of toilet paper I take a shower. Yeah, Jesus Christ Hey Shower. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh, no. There's a choice. Hey, you've been dipping this fork in shit all day. Dude, don't worry about it. I rubbed it with 70 baby wipes. I'd be like, oh, that's not enough. You've got to wash this fucking thing. You've got to get it in the washing machine, in these hot water and suds.

But again, let's say baby wipes and toilet paper. Just trying to get my method approved. But still, you would pick shower before that. Of course. Shower is the best. But I also, before, in fairness, yeah, I mean, I don't, like, do anything. I don't go, like, out for the day, though,

until I shower, after I shit. Do you stand up to wipe or sit down? Stand up is sitting down even a possibility. Who the fuck wipes their ass sitting down? You must have really shitty cuffs. I know. What are your cuffs? No, I don't do it.

He does. I wanted you to do it. I stand up. your cuffs? No, I don't do it. He does. I wanted you to do it, second man. I stand up. Find a target. You stand up? I stand up, yeah. Jamie, do you stand up or sit down? Yeah, everybody stands up.

No, there's people, most people sit and they go like, and that's hilarious. Smell their sleeves. Smell their watch. Guaranteed. I'm like, shit. One more of my... Is that a Poopatron? One of my buddies told me he goes from the front and he reaches between his legs and buzzes while he sits down.

That's great. Smell his balls. Oh, yeah. How do you do that? You don't. He's an asshole. You're not supposed to. God damn.

It's a very specific protocol. Imagine what people smelled like when they hadn't figured out wiping, and then someone finally figured out how to just kind of clean the area off a little bit, and everybody's like, oh, yeah. Why would you just be covered with shit all the time? When I used to do this poll on when it had redband.com, I did this poll, and I did who stands up, who sits down, and it was like almost 50-50. You don't have redband.com anymore? Oh, I do. It's just forwards now.

Oh, oh. But yeah, it was 50-50. I know all these people. It's like the dress, the stupid dress. Take into account it's 50% of the people that were going your website yeah it's very weird you're not gonna do a good job Ari sits and wipes and you can see it in the Jew clam because he that's right it's documented well he should if ever there was no uh if ever there was a...

If ever there was a... Like a billboard for stand up and wipe your ass. The guy was sitting there wiping his ass. Something's wrong with his ass. Well, especially that one. That video was so ridiculous.

Ari had like a Homer Simpson's mouth asshole. It was horrible. I rewatched it the other day. It's still on LiveLeak, the uncensored version. Yeah. It's still on LiveLeak. the uncensored version. Everyone watched it.

Well, we had a whole episode of my podcast, Legion of Skanks, that I do. And one of our buddies said that... No, no, no. I need to see this, Jamie. One of our buddies said he had a hemorrhoid and he showed everyone his asshole. And then Ari said that he was like, do hold his asshole against Lewis's. And, I mean, uh, Ari said that he was like, like do hold his asshole against Lou, uh, Lewis's.

And I mean, Ari's asshole blew everyone. I mean, it was like uncommon. I told him what I was worried about. How long ago was this? Um, months.

So it's still like that? Oh yeah. No, it's still like that. That's not going away, man. That's that Ari's going to have flare ups like that. He's the Jew clam still alive.

He never killed the Jew clam. So really? And he still has the skittle balls like I swear to God Okay, if someone's gonna butt fuck Ari I think you pull Ari's asshole up their dick like a sock Well, he's in he's in Thailand right now Convenient place to test that Brody Stevens special, please Ridiculous The Brody Stevens special, please. Oh, my God. That's so ridiculous. Oh, my God. Why?

What's wrong with that poor boy? Aggressive wiping. Dry wiping, I guess. Aggressive dry wiping? I mean, I couldn't picture what else would make that happen. We're all ass doctors all of a sudden. I remember the night that happened. I sent Duncan Trussell a screenshot, and he calls me back and goes, hey, man, what the hell is that?

That's a sock. That's a pink sock. I didn't even know what a pink sock was. But that's what it looked like. It looked like it got turned out. Yeah. Yeah. He's got prolapse.

Prolapse. It's not good. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. He's looking at it. And his Skittle balls. I can't believe we were at the Comedy and Magic Club, and we're like, all right, Ari, show us your butthole.

All right, now show us your balls. And his balls had all those little balls in it. Those little tiny Skittles. Remember that? No. That was at the Comedy and Magic Club? Yeah, it was in Creep Room. I don't remember that at all.

You make Ari do stunts like a fucking autistic kid? Show us your butt now. At the end of the Jew clam, it's like six months later, and you go, let's take a look back. Let's see what his butthole looks like now. And we're in the Comedy and Magic Club, and then Ari goes, all right, no, no, this is weird. And he had Skittles attached to his balls? No, no, like his balls were really like, they look like they had egg sacks and I'm or something Like tons of little balls wrong with them. Yeah, but it ends with you going

What the fuck's wrong with your balls? Like a child molestation About comics that we like to like show each other our cocks and show each other our assholes I've seen when it comes to like my friends dicks I've seen so many of my friends dicks like Joey Diaz used to pull his dick out all the time You know it would be hilarious. You know Duncan's pulled his Duncan pull his dick out. I've never seen Duncan have always cuz you wanna it's cuz you want to cross All the lines you have that you can that you can cross by possibly can. That you can cross, like, possibly. Right. Like, you could, I mean, like, I've had some weird ones.

Ari had his balls out for, like, almost an entire episode of Opie and Anthony once. We gave this gal, Stalker Patty, we gave her a fake breast strip. It was just a regular Listerine breast strip. And we told her that it was a psychedelic drug. And she took it. We told her she was tripping her balls off. And so she's there, and Ari pulls his sack out and we pretend like we don't notice it And she's like oh my god his balls are out

Like what do you eat? What are you talking about slow for this whole episode? We're pretending that Ari's but and she is talking about how bad she's tripping About how she can't believe like it was complete power of suggestion and placebo effect. She was tripping her balls off. Did you ever show your dick and balls to anyone at the store in your early days? I don't know. Bobby Lee's another one. I've seen Bobby Lee.

I have many pictures of Bobby tucked like a woman. Every day. With his pants down in the bar area of the comedy store. It's funny. I've only met Bobby like four or five times, and I've seen his dick and ass a couple times, I think. Yeah. Jamie always shows me his dick. Jamie's just always got his hog out. I don't know if I know. Guys with real big pieces

will pull them out pretty quick, too. No, that's not true because I've never done it. I was going by the fact that I've never done it. I definitely can't say I haven't shown someone my dick. I haven't pulled it out for whatever reason. I definitely have done it at least once. But it's not a mainstay.

Like for Joey, for years, it was a mainstay. Joey would have his pants, because you know, Joey doesn't really find belts that work. He doesn't find pants that fit. And so he's always in a state, always, where he can just shake and his pants will drop. And he'll go, ha ha ha ha! And his balls and dick would just hang out in front of everybody. Joey did that, I don't know how many

times. I got a picture of him carrying a waitress on his shoulder and his pants are down by his knees and his balls and his dick is hanging out. And he's in the back parking lot area of the Comedy Store. And by the way, this was back when Joey had zero career. Joey gave no

fucks even when he was starving. Okay? Joey Diaz has been Joey Diaz since the jump. Like, he's always been a madman. Like, before he was killing it on the road and making great money, he didn't give a fuck even back then. Was barely getting by, trying to hustle, get gigs together, but he has

always been like, that's like, he's the flag bearer for not giving a fuck on the West Coast. You say you don't give a fuck, but he has always been like, that's like, he's the flag bearer for not giving a fuck on the West Coast. You say you don't give a fuck, but do you Joey Diaz not give a fuck? That was always the flag bearer. He was always the standard. Isn't it weird that girls don't just show their pussies more often? Like, they don't just be like, yo, check out my pussy.

Just like guys do. There's not a couple. Because it's a male thing. But let me tell you, but how far that's come is way different. Like, how fast, like, average girls will pull their pussies out is pretty crazy. Well, I think there's a lot of competition now, too, with all this Tinder and all these different match.com and all these different dating sites and shit. People are just getting laid left and right. Like, you get left out in the cold if you try to hold back.

I mean, that fucking, what's that? The website's about, like. Ashley Madison? Yeah, yeah, Ashley Madison? Yeah, yeah. Websites where it's like to fuck. Can you imagine dating a girl that her job was like a secretary to work for Ashley Madison? You'd never trust her ever.

You'd trust nobody. She would trust nobody. You couldn't trust her. No one would trust anybody. Their jingles are great. No one's even on the radio. Yeah, it's hilarious. I mean, what a great idea. Make a website that helps people cheat. And what's so smart is in their commercials, too, they have it be a girl getting caught by her husband using Ashley Madison.

Right, of course. And then he goes, she's like, you know, I don't want to be celibate anymore. And he goes, yeah, I understand. She goes, you know, maybe you should try it, too. Like, you know, like saying we should both. And it's like, that's probably not how it goes. Please, it's gonna, guns gonna come out, shots fired,

cops show up, no one wants to go in the house, domestic violence, always a scary thing for police officers. The only thing on the computer, AshleyMadison.com. You fucking cunt!

Fuck you! Bang, bang, they're shooting back and forth at each other. Ashley Madison, this is what we do It's crazy man 500% spike

From women on the day after Mother's Day Whoa well that's what they're saying According to it's data Come on 442% increase in science That's what we expect Come on where's your fucking data It's Ashley Madison math

This is a fluff piece That's what we expect. Come on, where's your fucking data? It's Ashley Madison math. This is a fluff piece. No scientist is doing studies on whether Ashley Madison is going to experience an uptake in business. They did that to make people pay attention to them. I'm not on it. What? I've never done Tinder. Really? You don't need to, you sexy bitch.

Nose ring, sling dick, telling jokes. My girlfriend, she's on Thrinder where you try, but that doesn't work ever. What, you become friends? No, no, no. She's on Thrinder where you're like, it's trying to find threesomes. Like find girls for threesomes. Yeah, but I don't know. It hasn't worked yet.

Maybe it's only been a couple weeks, I guess. You need cocaine for that. Yeah. That's the only way that works. No. You need cocaine. Pulled it off through Pure. I'm sure you have a few times. Yeah, you're right. Couple weeks ago you need cocaine for that yeah, that's the only way that were no You have you do you time yeah, you're right. It's like I did start fires before they figured out lighters You're absolutely wasn't so good sitting there with some fucking moss and a stick

Yeah, yeah, absolutely right. I guess kill quit out Joe helps for sure yeah, that's that's if you try if you try to get a pull strippers They're already coked up. You have to worry about it. Look at you. You're thinking ahead. I love it. I love it. Just go to strip clubs I mean, don't you feel like I'm with the strip club once it was her first time and she did pull stripper She was great Some guys feel at least that are comics that like the lifestyle so ridiculous you're in a nightclub Every fucking night you're drinking all the time. You're smoking pot. If anybody's got

mushrooms, you're gonna do those too. You're eating at 3 o'clock in the morning. You're getting up whenever the fuck you want to. You're hanging out with hilarious, ridiculous people that want to get high and go to the movies at 1 in the afternoon. You're like, fuck it, let's do it. And you're laughing all the time. You're going on the road, hanging out and going from airport

to rental car to hotel. All these cracking jokes. Like, there's very few people that can relate to that kind of debauchery. Most people are so tied down to some crazy 9-to-5 corporate life, job life, business life, where you've got to fucking pretend to be somebody for eight hours a day. You can't be loose. You can't be free. And everybody's trying to conform to that in their after-work

life, too. Everybody's like this weird fucking Father Knows Best-type clone figure of what an adult and a family is. And comics, we're out there living this weird chaotic life. But I've actually very young

had to really balance both those worlds. And I did. You know, it was not the right thing to do, I guess, in many ways. And it was done poorly. But when I got right to the point in comedy, it was about like 23. I've been doing it for like three, four years. And I was in a world where now I was like going on the road and like if I was opening for a tell or Patrice and getting pussy and stuff like that and kind of living that lifestyle. Like I also was, you know, married with a baby daughter. You know what I mean?

Like my daughter's 12 now and I'm 36. You know what I mean? Like, my daughter's 12 now, and I'm 36. You know what I mean? So she's almost 13. So it's like, it is weird. I did have to do both those worlds, though. You know, I was picking her up from school every day, and then, you know, two weeks later, you know, I'm in Rhode Island with my buddies,

and there's, you know, some fat girls blowing everybody and shit. You know what I mean? Just, like, weird shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, just, like, it was very weird just to straddle those worlds because you're also trying to instill morals and class into somebody

while you're just like, anything. I mean, I did just like sexual stuff, especially, man. Like, so much stuff just for like girls I wasn't even attracted to. I think I'm just like, well, she will blow me and, you know, I'll have an opener with me and she'll suck his dick too. You know, like, just

insane behavior that most people the average guy even in the world of like, you know, sexual looseness that we're in kind of now with that stuff, with all social media, like not a ton of guys have had like threesomes with a team one of their two buddies fucking

a girl or two girls at once let alone like some of the shit someone way better looking than me has not i've done a lot more stuff well they don't have time right most people are going from college you have whatever sex you can get in college and then you know you're working all the time trying to get your degree then you get a degree you get a job you're getting the job you're working overtime you're always exhausted like where's the time for threesomes where you fit in your coat time You know all that stuff That's what I was gonna say is like a lot of comics relate to strippers

Because strippers are also living this crazy sort of debauchery filled life as well You know they're making way more money than the average girl. They're dancing on poles. They're partying with friends They're totally Irresponsible and they're fun to hang around with because they don't judge you for being a fuck-up as much as like say a Gal who's a lawyer you know when you're a loser comic, and you're dating a girl who's a lawyer My daughter's mother's a lawyer It's pretty funny hilarious, so she went to school. She did the whole thing. She did the hard work She got her fucking law degree. She took the bar. I mean fuck man

Yeah, like no shit and uh and i tried in years past to kind of like there'd be these flickers where i try to like bring her into the debauchery you know i mean i'm like hey we should do some of this weird shit together and uh she would but i felt like i was corrupting a square that kind of wanted to be a square you know i mean i thought she's a square i kind of wanted to be a square. You know what I mean? I thought she's a square. I don't want to present it like that. But it's just like, I felt like I was like, this is,

you wouldn't be involved in this kind of creepy shit if it wasn't for me. I'm like, this isn't where you want to be. You know, I gotta. There's nothing wrong

with the term square. But I agree with you. There's nothing wrong with being a square too, right? No. Like, if that's what you're into, like,

there's a lot of people that just like, they like going home, having tea, and reading a book. book like that is a nice night for them What's why not if it brings you genuine joy? Why is it? Why do you have to go to a rave? You know what? Why do you have to go on surrender? lost soul Asian lost souls

Just do whatever the fuck you want to do. The more people will get over that, I think that's one of the things that I really truly have hope for with this new generation of kids. All these people, I think, growing up with the internet, I think they're just going to have a totally different acceptance of people being different. I just think that we grew up in a weird time, man. We grew up, I mean, I'm 10 years older than you, so I grew up mostly kind of in the early 80s. You know, I went to school in 81, was my first year of high school. So I think that we just grew up in a time where we were just guessing.

Nobody kind of knew how many people were out there that were filled with the same amount of angst. You kind of guess by the movies that we all gravitated towards, or you guess by the songs that we all listened to. This fucking coffee with butter in it, dude. I might have to stop. I might have to go straight black. Go back to Starbucks, bro. I'm not going back to Starbucks.

Caveman Coffee all the way. But the butter, man, is not good pre-podcast for the phlegm production. The point is, we didn't know man Everybody knows now you know it like if you're like transgender is perfect example We're talking about like people that feel they were if you were a fucking kid and you were growing up in 1984 and you were a woman trapped in a man's body you had no fucking friends You had no recourse good luck trying to find other people just like you what are you gonna join some club? Somewhere that harbors them where they have to come out and admit that they're a part of this

no but now you go online you could find a whole community of people sure for anything for anything for like i would say but even like you know there's communities of fucking pedophiles that they find each other which is like you know horrible that is horrible man and that's that's a real that's a real issue you know that was one of those, what was that fucking piece? There was a big expose piece about this guy and his boyfriend who raised their son to be like a sex slave. And they were bringing his son to all these other grown men. I forget. Do you know what I'm talking about, Jamie?

Have you seen this? You know, I don't even want to talk about because it's so disturbing but it was it was it was a crazy expose where they followed these uh these guys for a while and they suspected it and apparently they had kept this very close-knit relationship with all these rich pedophiles all over the world and they brought their son all around them and he was a really young boy and they were using him as this uh sex slave and they had figured it out somehow or another They figured out how to crack this group of tight-lipped people eventually someone you know email slipped out or something And they figured it out and eventually brought these guys to put this poor kid

I mean what the fuck man these are the people that love you your your parents And you're being paraded around with them like it is this perfect family and meanwhile You're bringing this kid around to all these pedophiles and they're fucking them sociopath or psychopath I think that's both right I mean that's a sociopath in that you have no empathy and a psychopath and that you're doing damage right is that what so what is the difference between sociopath kid I know I say that all the psychopath can feel emotion I'll find out right now psychopath can feel emotion? Yeah, I'll find out right now. A psychopath does feel emotion. Really?

It's like a flashlight that can do chores. That is a horribly fantastic way to put it. It's like a Roomba with a butthole. Okay, here's the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. Okay. Let's see this. Society is conspired with Hollywood to claim two seemingly sexy psychological terms into our collective consciousness, psychopath and sociopath.

Psychopath and sociopath are pop psychology terms for what psychiatry calls an antisocial personality disorder. Today, these two terms are not really well defined in the psychology research literature. Nonetheless, there are some general differences between the two types of personality types, which we'll look at in this article. Both types of personalities have pervasive patterns of disregard for the safety and rights of others. Deceit and manipulation are central features to both types of personalities, and contrary to popular belief, a psychopath or sociopath is not necessarily violent.

Psychopath and sociopath, they share a diagnosis. There's antisocial personality as someone who has three or more of the following traits. Regularly breaks or flaunts the law, Big Jay Oakerson. Constantly lies and deceives others, Brian Redband. Is impulsive and doesn't plan ahead. Joe Rogan can be prone to fighting and aggressiveness. Joe Rogan has a little regard for the safety of others. Brian Redband, irresponsible, can't meet financial obligations.

Doesn't feel remorse or guilt. That's none of us. We definitely feel guilt. Yeah. So, Brian, you're most likely to be a psychopath. Me? Yeah. Most likely. 1% of the general population. Sociopath, 4%.

Both suffer from antisocial personality disorder. Both lack empathy. Both demonstrate complete disregard for the social rules and behavior standards. That's Brian. Both fail to feel any remorse or guilt. That's not you at all.

Both are violent. That's not you at all. So that's weird. What's the difference? Okay, whatever. See, this is where I zone out. Pop psychology is a great word, too, because when it does get into the, you know, when it becomes part of the collective conscience, as it says, like people just scapegoat those things so much. How many people

do you like to just call themselves bipolar? Look at this key difference. Psychopaths are as likely to be educated and have a good career. Sociopath is likely to be uneducated and unable to keep a steady job. That's fucking

interesting. I've dated a lot of these. And psychopaths have controlled behavior where sociopaths have erratic behavior. Huh. That's interesting. Yeah. Huh. That's fucking weird, man.

Either way, fucked up. Both highly manipulative, impulsive, spontaneous. Sociopath, more spontaneous. Fucked up both highly manipulative impulsive spontaneous sociopath more responsive more spontaneous and Psychopath more manipulative fuck man You could find you could find yourself in a few of those and then things that are definitely not you and all of them So, you know, I mean like definitely like there's definitely things in there were uh, you know

when I'm feeling uh where, you know, when I'm feeling downtrodden, I'm like, oh my God, I'm like a highly manipulative person. It'll make me upset at myself. But that, just the next thing under there is like, it's because I have personal tattoos. I don't want to hurt people or anything like that. Do you know what I mean?

I mean, I just feel like when you break variables down like that to like two columns. That's what I mean, yeah. Four or five. You find too much of yourself and none of yourself. None of yourself. You're complex, man. I mean, you're a fucking, you're a lot of different things. And you're a lot of different things from week to week.

I mean, you're a different person one week. And then the next week, you know, things might be going way better in your life. And you just, I mean, you might interact with the exact same person in the exact same moment in a totally different way. Which makes you, like, pretty much a different person in a lot of ways. You change all the time. I think the real thing is empathy. People who lack empathy, that really scares us. People who will victimize other people, ruin other people,

want to kill other people, want to do harm to other people, stalk other people, that kind of shit, that freaks us out. And that's what we're really worried about. We're worried about someone who goes after someone, someone who tries to harm them especially physically that scares the shit out of us like someone someone could just like you've ever seen a video of this guy who's into just stabbing people in the ass no yeah he stabbed a bunch of people they got him on a security camera this guy was in like a retail store just walked us some dude just shanks this guy in the ass like five, six times.

He doesn't even know what's happening. It's a black dude doing it to a white guy too, which makes it extra spooky. The idea that you could just zig when you should have zagged and you run into some guy who has a buck knife and he's just shoving it in your ass in a department store.

That's possible. You could run into that guy. That kind of stuff freaks us out. There was in the East Village, maybe a year ago, and they've had video of it, which is pretty brutal. It's just a little old Asian guy walking home.

I think it was even that late at night, maybe like 10, 11 o'clock at night. I could be wrong about that, but there's this video and this black dude goes up behind him. It's a little old Asian guy. And he just starts beating him against a wall. He just beats him to death in the middle of the street, out of nowhere, unprovoked. I mean, comes up behind him and attacks him.

The word was he was, like, you know, all screwed up on drugs, the kid, like whacked down on something. But the police station is on my block in the East Village. So they brought him in there. So we saw all the news vans and everything out there. You know, me and my buddy went over, and we just kind of watched the guy come out. And, like, to be a part of something like that, like, his face when they brought him out was, like, he definitely felt something. Do you know what I mean?

Like, he had, like, kind of a scowl on his face, but it didn't seem like. Remorse. Just the face of a guy who just was involved in just that violent of an action. Like there's a death. Like a death happened, and it was all... And it wasn't even like a... Just like the idea of... We all fear those things, and also I don't

see myself... I don't see my... I know fight or flight, obviously, but hitting someone in the head with a hammer, like the thought of what that would just do, like the thing of the actual physical action of that is mind-blowing. I couldn't possibly wrap my brain around being there. Just like how some people are just so smart

you could barely understand half the fucking shit they're saying. It's like when you talk to particle physicists and they're talking about CERN and these experiments they're doing trying to locate the large, using the Large Hadron Collider to try to locate the large, you know, using the large hadron collider to try to locate the Higgs boson particle.

Like, what the fuck, man? Are we really the same thing? But there's other dudes whose brains go off in a different direction in a way that you can't even recognize. And the thought patterns of someone who just walks into a Walmart with an axe and just starts taking people out. Like, those people exist. The guy who got on the tower in Austin, Texas that one day, the school in the university,

I think it was back in the 60s or the 70s, he just started shooting people from the tower until they finally took him out. But fuck, man. But did you know with Ted, what the hell was his name? Ted Bundy? No, not Ted Bundy. Charles Whitman is who you're talking about. The guy from the tower in Texas, yeah? Does hell was his name? Ted Bundy? No, not Ted Bundy. Charles Whitman is who you're talking about. The guy from the tower in Texas, yeah?

Does he have a name? Apparently, when he was autopsied, he had a tumor on his temporal lobe. Took away all of it. So when it just got big enough, it took away all his inhibitions. He actually killed everything he saw on his way to that tower. He killed his dog at home. He killed, I think, maybe his girl. But he killed a few people on the way.

So it was just, he would actually have been found not guilty today. I heard arguments about saying, people say he would not be found not guilty today because that was actually a physical problem that guy had. But, you know, can you, am I saying the right word here, behaviorally teach someone to become a psychopath

because we're in LA now too which was always home of the Crips Bloods, Gang Wars. You just take these kids, they're willing to shoot in the crowds indiscriminately and just kill people. And later that night play Madden. Well you can if you raise them

in a totally fucked up way from the time they're born in the worst possible environment. People imitate whatever atmosphere they're in. if you're in an atmosphere that's filled with violence and horrific crime and that becomes the norm and you get your respect by committing more violent and more horrific crime so that everyone's afraid of you and you become this bad motherfucker with a lollipop which just shoots people in the face there's a lot of dudes like that because that's where they get that good feeling they They get their good feeling of accomplishment by being the biggest fucking psychopath around. That's just a total failure of the environment

that person's being developed in. But that's also what they have to do in war, man. I mean, that's what war is all about. War is all about turning people into psychopaths. Do you see that fucking thing I posted on Instagram today? Look at this thing. Pull up this image that I posted on Instagram. It's from World War I. Now, look at this. This picture is 20 years before King Kong.

And the picture is a propaganda picture depicting the Germans as savages. This was about Germany. See, he's got this club in his hand and the club says culture, K-U-L-T-U-R. That's like, I guess how you say it in Germany Maybe I don't know But it's supposed to represent German culture And this was

This predated King Kong By 20 fucking years But it's a gorilla Like With like a crown Like a German A German helmet With a spike on the top of it

And the gorilla's holding a woman And her tits are out Her tits are out You had to show tits back then Even in an army propaganda film You gotta protect the tits And the gorilla's holding a woman, and her tits are out. Her tits are out. You had to show tits back then. Even in an army propaganda film, you've got to protect the tits. And this gorilla with this club, it says, destroy this mad brute. And then it says, enlist U.S. Army. And if you go to Joe Rogan on Instagram, you can see it.

It's pretty crazy. In the sand, it says America. I wonder if they kind of stole the idea for King Kong from that poster. I wonder if that was a pretty well-known poster back in the sand, it says America. I wonder if they kind of stole the idea for King Kong from that poster. I wonder if that was a pretty well-known poster back in the day, and maybe the writer got the idea from it. Could have. Kid could have grown up seeing that, you know, and then 20 years later made a movie like it.

I mean, I think, but the idea of gorillas. You know, at the time, this is another really interesting point. At the time, mountain gorillas were not even known to be real. really interesting point at the time mountain gorillas were not even known to be real like mountain gorillas really only became known for sure in the early 1900s so this is a real relatively recent animal in a lot of ways like gorillas like there's always been like talk of gorillas and different types of primates and they've always known that chimpanzees existed and orangutans were very confusing to people in the early 1800s but when they were documenting all the different animals they didn't definitively document the mountain gorilla until the early 1900s so you're looking at

something probably if i guess that's supposed to represent a mountain gorilla or some kind of gorilla you're looking at something that was like a relatively recent idea to people this picture of a gorilla and it's also you're looking at something, you're also looking at something that's only probably 50 years after the invention of photography. You know, so I mean, think about 50 years ago.

You know, you're talking about like 1960-something, right? Think of that. Think of the 1960-something. We're still driving 1960s cars around. Those are classic cars. That was when the fucking

photograph was invented for them. And here they are looking at this image of a gorilla carrying a woman like whoa like the idea of a gorilla was pretty recent yeah but that's Germany in that crazy like France and England were supposed to be civilization and Germany these were mad barbarians from like the Roman days like that's what the Germanic tribes That's what we thought of as Germans in the 1900s. They connected them to barbarians really yes, isn't that amazing? So much so that when we went to war with them They couldn't have been more sleek you know like it was it was such like a it was probably you know

They were so advanced in so many ways so much engineering weaponry and all that shit They were like pretty, you know. But to this day, the automobile industry, their cars are some of the most advanced cars in the world. The Germans make Mercedes, they make BMW, and they make Porsche. I mean, we're done. Those are like the three, like, if you had to pick like a top three most advanced, best engineered, high-end cars,

those are the three. Like, those are the top of the, like, Ferraris are badass, but everybody knows that fucking thing's going to break. If you're one of those guys, yeah, you buy a fucking Ferrari, like, bitch, you know you can't go to Vegas in that thing. You're going to be halfway in the desert in something. Bang, bang, bang. Have you seen that car that goes on air?

It's called like Blow or Leaf or something like that. It goes 100 miles on air. What? And it has a compressor in it that takes four hours to charge. You just plug it in. No way. Or you can go to a gas station and if they have the compressor, you can fill it up in four minutes. Dude, you got to be kidding me. No, and what's crazy is it's already big in the compressor. You can fill it? Fill it up in four minutes. Dude, you've got to be kidding me.

No, and what's crazy is it's already big in the UK. They're just now making a plant in Hawaii, and it only costs $10,000. Whoa, that's a game changer. We're especially on that. Yeah, Ed's probably the CEO. It was on Shark Tank. Can you blow in it if you have really strong lungs? You're right.

That should be like your workout every day. It's pumping your car up. Like an airplane ramp. But I mean, you're going to... I see people in smart cars in New York. It's terrifying. Dude, that doesn't even have two wheels in the front. That's a bike.

I don't even know if that's the same one I saw. That's a bike with a helmet on. The Oracle Mobile. That's what it is. The AirPod. The AirPod was on Shark Tank. Oh, yeah. I guess that's it. Let's see a video on a helmet on it. The Aircomobile. That's what it is. The AirPod. The AirPod was on Shark Tank. Oh, yeah. I guess that's it.

Let's see a video on this bitch. Yeah. That looks to me like a bike wearing a helmet. That's all it looks like. That does not look real. And it definitely doesn't look like something you'd be safe in. How does that pass all the crash standards and all that shit? Well, that was one of the things.

All the sharks didn't invest in it because they only have three prototypes of this in there It was just about to go into manufacturing, so they haven't done the actual test yet Why don't you just Google it Jamie just Google air pod video? Because we can't just go on their Facebook page and click on every link you're gonna get this dog shit This is how we made the seat Who's the fuck about the seat? Yeah, Stan if you could try one of those from a type of foam It's very light so we can drive around air look at this fucking thing driving around. This is crazy, dude that gets no traction Oh, yeah, that's so scary imagine if you were on black ice in that piece of shit

Can you imagine if you could pedal it you probably pedal something that size? Yeah, right probably pretty good back a pedal a boost the pedal be a boost It's a moped look how you get out though. That's so Jetson sick You control it using a joystick like a video game whoa That's true, but what if you want to text and drive you can't even do that you need two hands to control this bitch I want in the middle like maverick if I'm gonna control the joystick That's probably a good idea to keep people from texting and driving make them Control the car with two two-hand joysticks

Yeah, one for turning one for going straight and back But you can't look slick like if you're rolling your six four and you got your hand up like this Well when in my six four and all the hook is saying rolling in my 6'4". And all the hookers saying, D-1, do the rapping, let me ride. Right? That long arm, hold on to the top of the steering wheel. Sup, boys?

Sup, you know? It doesn't even look like the windows go down in that thing. Look at the fucking window. Just blasting yourself with music. Look at the front wheel. It's about as big as a Tic Tac. It's a go-kart wheel. It's a wagon. It's a like a child's wagon Yeah

So small I Mean look at this weird fucking engine, too But hey man, if you're in the fucking city, do you think it has heat? That's a good question, right? Is that of heat? Yeah, does it have anything? How weird is this watch that thing fill up with air? What if someone comes along and just shoots a hole in your air tank and you fucking explode right it's oxygen yeah it's just oxygen what's interesting though is that this is even possible can you imagine somebody like porsche or somebody getting behind this kind of idea of we don't have we're not even using fuel we're using air that's fucking nuts, you know, there's a problem with that,

in that how are you generating that air? Like, what are you doing to get that compressed air? And how much fossil fuels are involved in making that air compressed? Yeah, who knows, that process might require some shit like that. I mean, maybe they can do it with solar. Maybe there's a way to power some sort of a generator with solar that pumps air that seems possible if that's true boy that would be like the greenest shit of all time but it would also be real oh wow there's a back seat or the two-seater no it seems like

she climbed in the back or is this a different one? I was to see that was just there's next to each other. Oh, so there's more more than one model. Yeah, hmm Do you ever watch that Shark Tank show? No, it's actually pretty decent It's like I find find a lot of things in there that are it like this company called bagel bites in New York I'm now like addicted to them and they just send you all these different kinds of bagels and they're just like little Bagel balls with cream cheese in the middle of them you put in your oven does that totally I support that show I'm I support anybody who's encouraging people to come up with a good thing Yoga fuck yeah, dude. Why do you tried it? Oh, yeah, it's pretty hard. He's a bad motherfucker Dallas Diamond page Yeah, I interviewed I tell we he gave me a copy of me. I've been doing it on the road

Yeah, it's a good thing doing hotels in the road dude yoga hard workout is hard to do i would have left a yoga three years ago and i'll show you a hicks and gracie documentary called choke where it shows hickson doing yoga and you realize like oh i think i have a weird idea about yoga because i think all these chicks doing it yoga is hard man, and it's really good for your body, and it's fantastic for your core See there's a lot of people that they and I was guilty of this myself for sure when you work out all sorts of different ways but what you don't work out in is your body's ability to move as one Union and one unit and your flexibility and your body's like

Balance and sovereignty like where your body you could do whatever you want to do with your body like stand on one foot and just stick your legs straight up in the air there's a lot of people that can lift a fuck load of weight there's a lot of people that can run upstairs and do laps on this fucking pool and back and forth and back and forth and they're just animals but ask them to stand on one leg, grab their foot, and stick their foot straight up in the air and then bounce. They literally can't do it. They can't balance their body like that.

It's because they don't have full control of their body. And what yoga gives you is this weird control of your body. When you get really good at yoga, like Hickson did, he was one of the reasons why he was one of the best jiu-jitsu guys in the world. It wasn't just that he knew every move there was it wasn't just that his dad was Ilio Gracie who's one of the greatest jujitsu artists one of the most important martial artists ever was also his physical abilities were superior Because he was into all that yoga and all his body weight stuff like he would do all these crazy exercises man He would do all these like balance beam things. It's pretty dope

There's a video of him on the beach in Santa Monica And he's doing like these pistol squats on a balance beam holding his foot up and sticks his foot right above his head And he's a jiu-jitsu master pull the video up. It's that's crazy Oh, it's crazy to see because you think about what you can do with your body And you think about how much effort it would take to be able to do this what this guy's doing I'll tell you diamond Dallas page in his 50s in the video standing on one leg and holding his leg up in the air. Oh, yeah. And the way they pull it out, too.

You go up in the middle and you pull it out, and it's really impressive. I mean, I can't get even close to what he's doing. Well, it's also what he's done is fix a lot of people's bodies. I had real annoying lower back problems for like about a year and a half and it's made that much much better i bet it would much better would strengthen your entire core i'll show you a machine after we get out of here i've got a thing in the back for lower backs it's called a reverse hyper it was made by this guy louis simmons who's this world famous power lifter guru from columbus, from Westside Barbell.

And Westside Barbell is his organization. He came up with this machine that it works sort of like your legs are hanging. You lean your upper body over a table, and your legs are dangling. From the waist down, they're dangling. And they hook up to these rollers like a leg curl machine sort of. And with a straight leg, you lift your leg all the way up, and then you let it go down. And as it's going down, it pulls on your lower back. It's like an active decompression.

So you lift it up, it strengthens. You lift it down, it decompresses. Lift it up, it strengthens. If you want to look at it, folks, it's called Reverse Hyper. You can get it online. I bought mine from a company called Rogue Fitness. Rogue Fitness is all the CrossFit stuff. They have all that cool shit, but I'm telling you, this reverse hyper has been

amazing for my back. It's so good. Have you ever done, I was, my apartment in New York is just too small to store one, but I want to get an inversion table. I have one back there. I have two back there. One that you do from the waist down, you like lean forward on it. I'll show you both of them after we do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm so curious. Let's hang upside down like a bat. I do it every day. I do it every day. Every day? Every day. I do it every day for five minutes. Every day. Every time I work out, every time I lift weights, especially if I lift anything heavy, like

if I do squats or anything like that. When you're done, you do it? I do it right after I'm done. And I do it for as long as I can until I feel relaxed. I just want my back to open up. Because everything. You feel that happen? Do you actually feel it?

Like, does it make noise at all? No. Well, without that noise. See, like that noise. That's what you're hoping for. That's exactly what you're hoping for. That's the magic cure. But it's not.

That's not really. That's not. Nothing's really happening there. That's like nitrogen being released. It's not really fixing anything. It just sounds cool. Yeah. I love the sound.

Like, when I go to the chiropractor and just sounds cool yeah I love the sound like when I get go to the car and I get cracked I love the sound but the reality is that's not what's fixing anything what's fixing is the adjustment of the you know the spine and what's fixing when you're when you're doing that that conversion table inversion table it's the decompression of your muscles like your muscles relaxing and stretching be so you got to be able to actually concentrate on relaxing your lower back. And most people can't. Most people, they tense up. So even when they lie hanging by their ankles,

it's one of the reasons why some doctors erroneously think it's not effective. They go, well, you're just going to support it with your back anyway. A little. But if you understand how your body works, you can relax that area. A little but if you understand how your body works you can relax that area and I feel a great difference between Holding it tense and relaxing that there I feel the stress on that lower back area and it's lengthening the muscles It's it's pulling them it's stretching them in a way that it's very hard to stretch those muscles It's very hard to stretch them that way you know like your body's malleable man

Like you can the reason why some people are super super flexible there's a little bit of genetics involved there but a lot of it is just pushing just hard work and pushing on the flexibility just every day making it move a little bit more move a little bit more like when you see a dude with crazy holes in their ear that's like a you can do that shit to your body you can stretch things out you can put a plate in your lip you can you can do that also that can lengthen You can stretch things out. You can put a plate in your lip. You can do that also. You can lengthen your neck. Yeah, you can lengthen your neck with those wires those crazy ladies put on. But you can also kind of stretch your body out that way too.

There's soft tissue manipulation. There's only a certain amount you can get away with. But if you push it hard enough, long enough, you're really dedicated, you can stretch a lot of shit. And one of the problems that people have with their lower backs especially is their hamstrings like if your hamstrings are really tense that puts a tremendous amount of pressure on your lower back and it also limits your mobility it limits the way your body can move around and that also puts pressure on your lower back do you stretch it all with your your hamstrings I do yeah I've been

I've taken a lot more to stretching. I did CrossFit for like two years, and I lost a bunch of weight doing it, which was great in that regard. But the damage on speed powerlifting is not a good idea. You fucked up your back? That's what I think did it, yeah. I mean, just like, you know, swinging kettlebells sometimes. I don't even think kettlebells were much of the things.

For some reason, I was kind of able to focus my stance on kettlebells uh sometimes just like and not even that i don't think kettlebells were much of the things i for some reason i was kind of able to focus like my stance on kettlebells because it was never that heavy but things were they you know they want you to do like uh you know like cleans or like uh snatch and then they show you the form for 20 minutes and then they go now as fast as you can for eight minutes you know and the best guy's done this and you don't want to be a loser like that guy so you know be as good as this you know try to do do it fast and how many people drop those weights just sacrificed how many people do you see drop weights in their head i actually know all the injuries i saw people missing box jumps that's when people got hurt the most of their shins get busted up on those wooden boards

well you know that's the probably the easiest to fix. That's just a cut and a bruise. The real hard stuff to fix is the back stuff. You know, when you start doing power lifting in, like, large repetition movements. And fast. Trying to do it fast. 50 clean and presses.

Yeah, you lose. You know, the most important thing with power lifting, the most important thing is proper form. It's the most important thing by far. And you should never abandon that, ever. that's, that's like one of the things that people criticize CrossFit for Steve, uh, Maxwell, who's a good friend of mine. He's a fantastic trainer, probably one of the most knowledgeable people I've ever met when it comes to like fitness training. It's like, it's always on top of like the latest modalities, different techniques and stuff like that. He hates it. He yeah i can see that i can see it i i i give it its due because like with minimal

right now i diet much harder and i do more yoga than i would say i do like you know heavy weight training i try to do more stuff like that you know i mean like cardio and stuff there's hickson yeah that's insane watch the video though though. It's insane. Watch him work out on the beach because it's fucking ridiculous. He does pistol squats. This is all different things he's doing, but you gotta see the gymnastics in Santa Monica. That's a totally different video. He's dressed like

Channing Tatum in Foxcatcher. It's a little gay. This is from Choke. This is a different one. It's different footage. It's him on the balance bar in Santa Monica Beach. He's doing that kind of shit, but he's doing it while he's walking on a balance bar. It's nuts.

And also those kind of applied muscle skills. American Ninja Warrior, that's such a cool show. What? You don't think any of that's neat? You went from Hicks and Gracie to American Ninja Warrior show. Such a cool show.

No, by the way, just the idea that you could like, like the concept of hanging off the side of a building terrifies me because there's no chance I'll pull myself up. If I catch a ledge by my fingertips, and in fact those guys can, you know, ascend on their fingertips is fucking bonkers. Those free climbers are fucking spooky those guys are doing like that Dude, we had on Alex Honnold the guy who goes up the side of mountains backwards that guys insane. Have you seen? Parkour yeah, it's a good way to break your neck

Did you ever see the rushing guys who go on the cranes and just do like We played every one of those it makes my legs quiver watching the videos. Yeah, my feet go numb I couldn't even imagine trying to do that Oh, your whole body starts shaking So watching this video the other day of this guy that goes out on this ledge of this hotel like like Super high up and he just starts jumping from one like patio Like I had that like this little part on it Just from one to another talking about that new cell phone video is that it yeah? It's for the Samsung Galaxy is a galaxy note or galaxy s6 is a neil brennan doing the jump

It's a fucking parkour master Yeah, the guy like he straps the video camera He straps the camera on him and then turns the video on and then jumps from building to building. But it might be bullshit. It might be CGI. I'm not exactly sure because he's doing some fucking insane jumps. I'm not exactly sure if he's really doing those jumps. Parkour fuckups are fantastic.

Oh, no, no, no. That's not what I'm talking about. You haven't seen this? No, I've seen this. Yeah. Look at this. This is an edge camera video. Look at this fucking guy, man.

I mean, it seems real. This is the one I'm talking about right here. Look at this. This is an edge camera video. Look at this fucking guy, man. I mean, it seems real. This is the one I'm talking about right here. Look at this. Takes a photo of their food. Guys jumping off of buildings and shit and taking photos of food. But would you jump... You could definitely jump, you know, four feet. If it were to run, you could definitely jump four feet, without a doubt. Jump from four feet or four feet in the air?

You could jump a distance of four feet, for a fact. You could absolutely do that. I wouldn't jump four feet from building to building. There's definitely an amount of money, I guess, that I would do that for, I suppose. It's scary. of money, I guess, that I would do that for, I suppose. But, I mean, like, I would still be... Scary. I'd still be emotionally

panicked, like, going to do it, even if I know... Even though I know I can jump, you know... Yeah. Significantly further, I'm sure. Like, I'm thinking of four feet. How many feet wide do you think this table is? Three? What do you think this is? No, more, right? No, that's more than three, yeah. What is this? Four feet wide? Yeah.

See, I could definitely jump over that. With a run and everything like this? Four feet wide? Yeah. See, I could definitely jump over that. With a run and everything like that? Of course. Even just standing there, I could definitely jump over that. But if below was like 100 stories. Yeah, that's what I mean. My hands are sweating, dude. I just said that and my hands started sweating.

Well, because as I was saying, I'd have to assume. Feel the sweat? It's real. I'd have to assume. What is that, Brian? This video will make you faint. And I gave it to Jamie. Don't make me faint.

No, but this is the one I'm talking about. Look how high that is. And he just starts jumping from one corner to one corner. And at the end, he has to stop. Do you have that? But you could, you know, have you ever in your, I guess probably if you're going really hard, but have you fallen off of a chin-up bar ever? No.

And you still would not want to take that. So you're confident in your pull-ups and you wouldn't want to do it over those cranes. Well, if you fell, you would just land on your feet. Here it is. Check this out. Oh my God. No, he's not doing this. Is there sound to this?

What is he doing? Oh my God. Watch this. Oh, watch this. Wow. This is fucked up. Oh my God. Oh my god. Watch this. Oh, watch this. Wow. This is fucked up. Oh my god. Oh my god.

He has to stop at the end. Oh my god. Dude, look. They're dripping. My hands are dripping. Oh god. I should feel my hands. They're fucking soaking wet right now.

Yeah, it's real anxiety. And it's just for a guy you don't know or anything. It's the fact that that guy's out of his mind. The fuck is he doing? Look how far up it is! How much would someone have to pay you, Brian, to do this? Never, never. Nope. I would faint.

Yeah, this there's no amount of money for. No. I would suck dicks before doing it. I don't think I have that much faith in my coordination. Would you suck dicks before doing that? Probably, yes. Yeah. How many dicks? As many as they want, you know? What happened?

Yeah, I'm not doing that. No. Because you can't die sucking a dick. No. You would know halfway through the dick, this dick is spoiled. Right. The dick's going bad. I'm sorry, sir.

I can't suck this dick. Do you have an expiration date on this dick? Because I am not going to get a trichinosis from your dick, sir. You've got to look under his nuts for a stamp. A date stamp. Tuck it in. Fucking guardia from your dick. I'm not dying.

I wonder if transgenders that have fake pussies, like if they feel like they can't get a period, that they're like, oh, only if I could get a period. Oh, yeah, for sure. There'll always be something else. That's what I'm saying. I don't think they're super thrilled with it. And also, there's that weird thing.

It's because it does end up being made where the dick was. So it's also an oddly placed vagina, usually, also. It's kind of like high up. Right. It's where the dick hole. I've seen one in real life. Do you think they put just like ketchup packets in there and they squeeze just to make it feel like, you know, like. I think they probably pretend.

Here's Hickson on the balance beam. As crazy as that sounds. As crazy as that sounds. But they do that. Probably pretend here's Hicks crazy as crazy as that sounds that's crazy that sounds but they do that But I mean like they like you know girls who want to become men wear a fucking fake dick all day Yeah, look at this difference. Yeah, that is true. There's a lot of girls who do do that maybe put it where fits I may want to put Exploding blood packs in the vagina

Those things you want to be a vampire when you were kid look at this fucking balance this guy has he just sat Down on it. He's putting his foot down and then watch he's gonna stand up I think he's working for it though, too He's not watch this but he's cuz he's standing up on one leg from his ass down That's also like a rounded pole looks like yeah, no that's flat on top, but your balls dough no watch how he does this though This is insane That's crazy. He stands up and then once he gets all the way to the top then he does a split he grabs his foot it's crazy his fucking balance is amazing

and that was why one of the i mean one of the reasons why he was so good like he had a combination of everything look at that get the fuck out of here man that dude's doing a split look at this shit standing on a balance beam. That's like the ultimate control of your body right there. If you can do that, you can basically do anything. He's the greatest jiu-jitsu fighter of all time, too. Like, widely recognized by almost everybody ever as being the greatest. Hicks and Gracie?

Yeah, I don't think it's a coincidence that it's also he can do ridiculous things with his body. I bet LeBron James can't do that. I bet Kobe Bryant can't do that. I bet what he can do that's a very unusual. But I wouldn't bet GSP could probably do that, I think. Maybe. Things similar to. Close. Yeah, George is a pretty amazing athlete.

He can do some pretty crazy shit. He does that thing where he does those broad jumps up on those little ledges in between them. And he goes up. I mean, that's like. Yeah. Well, he also, he's very flexible, too. That's a big flexibility move. You have to be really flexible just to be able to hold your leg up there like that.

You know, George is pretty flexible. Did you see the Pacquiao Mayweather fight? Yeah. Did you watch that? Yeah. What did you think? I, you know, we talked about it. It's just boring.

I thought we talked about it. You said you liked it, yeah. But I think that most people were disappointed, right? I just just bored. I thought we talked about it. You said you liked it, yeah. But I think that most people were disappointed, right? I just was bored. I called it very easily from the beginning. I can't believe I asked you. We already talked about it. It seems like UFC, MMA has really spoiled boxing for me

because I just, I mean, it's not like Mike Tyson days. It wasn't exciting like that where, you know, it was. Yeah, but it's not going to be.. It wasn't exciting like that where you know it was but it's not gonna be yeah Right, but that was the best of their best. That's the best Boxers right now, and if that's your best why why are we watch a hundred bucks? That's twice as much as UFC. I don't think I think the UFC 60 now or something. Okay. Let's still close def Yeah, a million fights Yeah, yeah, like tons of fight over the course of night you get free fights

But don't you think like everybody, fuck this, I'll never watch boxing again. I think that's bullshit. I think they will. I'll still watch it, but I'm not going to pay $100 ever. But who's going to be a real star? Who's going to tear through again like a Tyson? That's what you need. You need somebody with that kind of vicious knockouts.

You need to bring excitement back to it. One thing, there was excitement around this fight, but I never fully understood why. I really was like, I think I called that from the second they announced the fight. I go, Mayweather wins by decision. What about Canelo Alvarez? I'm not familiar with him.

He's a bad motherfucker. He's fighting next week. He's fighting this upcoming Saturday. They're going to show the rematch of the Floyd Mayweather fight on HBO, and then he's going to fight Saturday or Friday. I don't know. I'd rather watch UFC from Australia, right? The last good boxing match I watched was Chris Algieri beating the Russian. Provodnikov?

Yeah. That was a fun fight to watch. Did you see Lucas Matisse versus Provodnikov? No. Provodnikov and Matisse go to a war for 12 rounds. It's fucking crazy. I mean, it is a crazy fight. That's like the kind of fight that everybody wanted from Pacquiao and Mayweather.

Just show a couple, just a few minutes. Show highlights of the Matisse-Provodnikov fight. This fight was like some crazy rock'em, sock'em robots, Rocky V. Like it was a movie fight. In all of UFC and boxing, or MMA and boxing for me, I'd say one of my top five fights of all time is boxing. Diego Corrales versus, what was his name? It was one of those three names, I believe.

I know who you're talking about. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. He was coming through, three names, I believe. I know who you're talking about. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. He was coming here. He got pissed at the world. JTT was getting wobbly towards the set. I know what you're talking about, though. I mean, they fought in a phone booth, they said, you know, for...

It was insane. And, you know, it was back-and-forth knockouts. Kind of like that Pat Barry-Chick Congo thing. This is these two guys fighting. I mean, this is Provodnikov and Matisse. It was a crazy fight. They smashed heads right there. But this was like one of, if you want to watch like a blood and guts fight,

like everybody wanted the Mayweather fight to be, you've got to watch this fight because it was fucking incredible. Jesus. I mean, these guys just back and forth beat the fuck out of each other Provodnikov Takes a punch better than any living human that's ever walked the face of this fucking planet I when he's done. He looks like a like an Asian like dry cleaner lady He really does he's always stretched out his face is bizarre He looks like they pulled him out of like a woolly mammoth tusk in the middle of the fucking Himalayas or some

shit he's such a stud though so it's like a fucking animal as a fighter and he they did a took photos of his drug test after the fight and his urine was black I mean black from blood like coke like coca-cola that's what his piss looked like from this fight because this fight was so crazy I mean it was just like one of the nuttiest fights I've ever seen in my life And that was the kind of fight that Jose Luis Castillo right wasn't that it was yeah, do Corrales. Yeah That's it, and they went back and forth just back and forth nailing each other. I'm so good Damn, yeah, he had some great fucking fight Diego Corrales died like not crazy long after that.

He died in a motorcycle accident. Yeah. Yeah, he was a wild dude. You know, those wild dudes just fucking meh, meh, meh. But then they'll make

the movie of his life and he'll be like, I was just starting my charity work. You know, I'm done. I'm done with this crazy fight game. I'm going to preserve my family. Stop cheating on my lady. What I'm going to crazy fight game. I'm going to preserve my family.

Stop cheating on my lady. What I'm going to do right now is I'm going to help the little kids coming up. And then it'll be some kid drinking, laughing, and he turns a corner and smashes into him. I know there's a lot of people that complain about the end of, you know, that guy's being dragged over the coals now. He's dead now. But the Chris, the American sniper guy. Chris Kyle. But like the same thing it was like, I'm gonna go help this wacky

guy out. She's like, you shouldn't do it. He goes, hey, everyone deserves help. And then it's like, you know, he never came home that day. I bet he was just like, you know, probably all, you know, he's like, fuck you, bitch. Fucking cunt. Well, now I have to leave, you fucking cunt. That's why I asked for breakfast to be done an hour ago

When I got in the shower you twat I'll be back at 7 you fucking dumb whore Change your attitude before I get back Dead Oh god You never know man you're watching a movie about someone's life Most of the shit they're saying they just did not say Do you try to not

Leave town or hang up on her I always say With like I think any girlfriend I've ever had, let me not leave town getting on a plane while we're in a fight. I've thrown that all away. I will absolutely get on a plane. And then while I'm on the plane, I'm like, if this plane goes down, it's going to fucking ruin the rest of her life.

Fuck her. That's so crazy. So this Baltimore thing, what did they do to this guy? Because there's. The catalyst, you mean? Like what was the. He died in a police van, right? They injured his.

They hurt his back. Right? Like his neck. Like a spinal cord failure, right? Yeah. But I had read from a very Non credible source that he was already injured That's not true. It's not true So he died from an injury sustained in so all the stuff that everybody had said about it being all the fake the rumors

Those motherfuckers with their fake stories Broken heart the best part of that was hearing other guys that were in the van, too, like the other criminals or alleged criminals that were in the van with him. Giving their account of it was always great. Because everybody goes, why come him hurt himself? Here's a weird one. NBC News. Of course the cops did it. He can't hurt himself like that.

Yeah, that's not the guy you want to interview. Himself. NBC News.com says disputed report and then Freddie Gray hurt himself in police van question mark. That is not journalism. You shouldn't be able to do that. You shouldn't be able to

say disputed report and then the title Freddie Gray hurt himself in police van? You're just getting off the hook. You haven't done the fucking work. You're trying to get the story out. You're trying to get clicks before you've done the work. You don't know if that's a story, you fuck.

You can't do that. That's sneaky shit for NBCNews.com. That's really sneaky shit. Because that's not a story. You know what that is? Disputed report on a news site? How about you do some fucking journalism? How about you follow up?

Make it an actual report? Yeah, what you're doing is, if you say something like that, people like me just read the headline and start repeating it. I heard he hurt himself in the van. Oh, of course. I already tried to hurt himself in the van. The fucking guy hurt himself in the van, okay? And they burned him down in the van already tried to hurt himself in the best fucking guy hurt himself in the van okay? And they burned him down the dry cleaners the best example of how

easy that shit goes as oh What was it was it wasn't there was a comic at one point that was like? Accused of something and everyone just says like he did it who was the guy oh, I can't remember cost me Yeah, no no it was a comic Who lives out Who? I can't remember his name. Bill Cosby? Yeah, no. No, it was a comic, uh, Who Lives Out Here, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, uh, yeah. Terrible examples? Yeah. Let's keep

moving. Um, okay. Let's do another one. Did you hear about this fucking kid in L.A.? Did you hear about the kid in L.A. that got shot by the cops? A 13-year-old kid or a 19-year-old kid that got shot? And he was crying for his mom. Unarmed, crying for his mommy before he fucking died.

Unarmed. The cops thought he had a gun, shot him through a fucking screen window. Like, they saw him, you know, he's standing there. He's got a gun! Bang! They just shoot him. He wasn't doing anything. He wasn't a criminal at all. Total accidental death from some incompetent person that happened to be a police officer.

And now this, you know. Well, idiots can become police officers. But my point was. That Duke lacrosse thing is a good example. Because people still use that as an example of like a rapey situation. Like, Duke lacrosse team. Didn't happen. Yeah, didn't happen.

And they're always kind of like, people still say that. Well, people are terrified of fraternities actually doing something like that. So the Duke Lacrosse case is just one of those. But like the UVA, the University of Virginia thing that Rolling Stone printed this huge article about, never happened. They just did shit journalism. They failed at every level when it comes to journalism.

And this is goddamn Rolling Stone. But because it's such a sensitive subject and people are really sensitive about calling out someone that may have actually been a victim, like being wrong. Sure, sure, sure. And saying, you weren't a victim, and it turns out they were. People are so terrified of that that they actually skirt away from the real journalism. And that's what's happened.

Yeah, exactly. You don't want to get in trouble. Because if they're right. Yeah. Yeah, but you know that thing, the Duke Lacrosse case? That was one of nancy grace's pets those boys raped that girl they took that girl did terrible things i mean she never apologized to them she was a flat out accusing them of that on television you know you can that's it's kind

of the same thing it's not journalism the story's not done you don't know unless you were there you gotta get all your ducks in a row and even then man people lie there's a lot of weird going on when whenever there's a story and then there's two different sides of that story boy this gets tricky trying to figure out who's telling the truth and who's not telling the truth and what is what like man which one is just like two it's like telling the truth and what is what. Like, fuck, man. Especially when it's just like two, it's like the only witnesses were the groups that were there, you know? Yeah. Those behind closed doors accusations are fucking, that's so, man, never want to be on those juries.

Yeah, no shit. And it's also, it's weird, the difference in, like, the stories that catch. You know, there's stories that catch fire and then everybody wants to walk in the street and protest. Like, this kid in L.A., this is not catching fire. For whatever reason, you're barely hearing about this. Baltimore's burning down.

Yeah, Baltimore is burning down. And the guy who was in police custody is an admitted criminal, right? Like, everybody's kind of admitting that this guy has done crimes before. And this is just simply a police brutality issue But this kid who got shot in LA isn't even a criminal. He's just a kid. It was just a mistake Like this is that's terrifying to me They're just willing to shoot that 12 year old boy in Cleveland the guy gets out of the car a cop who was taken off of a

Different police squad because he was dangerous because they didn't they just like they were like you gotta get the fuck out of the car, a cop who was taken off of a different police squad because he was dangerous. Because they didn't, they just like, they were like, you got to get the fuck out of here. They kicked him off and another department hires this fucking guy. He gets out of a car in two seconds. He's shooting at a 12-year-old with a gun. And not saying that being a cop isn't a fucking insanely difficult job. And not saying that, I've said many times, I don't think anybody can do it right. I think it's just way too much stress and way too much pressure

But my point is how weird is it that some stories catch and some stories don't like some stories They just they just slip right by you hear about the guy getting shot by the cops There's no protests and everything it just becomes another story It just becomes another statistic and then Freddie Gray Gray. Boom! Or that kid in Ferguson. Boom! Michael Brown. Boom! It just catches. And then the fucking protest gets crazy and everybody just goes nuts over it. I would say Cleveland's not that kind of town, but it is.

Well, how about the South Carolina one where the guy got shot? They didn't riot. That guy got shot in the back, man. That guy got shot in the back and there's a fucking video of it. But there's no crazy riots like there are in Baltimore. It's just, it's mob mentality, man. If you can get the mob to start, like, calming each other down, like, it spreads that way.

Do you know what I mean? Like, let's take this to the streets, peaceful, but if, like, if the controlling interest of people start going out there and just, like, kicking in cop car windows, that's the way it's going to go. I, I, I found that like, I didn't think there's anything good about that. I thought that was terrifying watching people like, and again,

if this was so much wrapped around, like we're, we're riding cause we're, we're pissed off. We're not going to take it anymore. Like high five. You see people laughing, eating candy in the background while they're stomping on fucking cop cars and

shit. It's such like a, it, it, it really is terrifying.'re stomping on fucking cop cars and shit. You know what? It's such like a, it really is terrifying. It's a third world. A third world. I think the cops leave those cars there. I really do. I think they leave those cars there as like something to take their anger out on.

Honeypots. Leave them a car. No, but you know what? I mean. Like Blanca in Street Fighter? You give them a cop car to destroy. And they have, those cars are insured. It's a bonus level. And they, it a cop car to destroy, and those cars are insured. It's a bonus level.

It gives them something to destroy. I really think that. I really think that that's probably a strategy in a lot of ways. Take a cop car, leave it in an area where you know that there's going to be some protests, and just let them fuck it up. You know? Baltimore mayor gave those who wished to destroy space to do that. She got in trouble for saying that, but...

Okay, but what she said, which she was criticized because they thought that she was actually giving the green light to go ahead and riot. By a mayor not trying to calm people down, but instead by saying something like that, the interpretation was that what she did was she almost gave them, like, a license to go out and smash shit She's a black lady. Yeah, she's cute. We gave those who wished to destroy space to do that as well hmm

She's black right yes Why do you keep have to bring that up man? Yes, because dude. I don't see color I feel because I feel bad she has to answer like for so many things also do you know I mean look back Let me read that again. Yeah, no, I hear you. Listen to this quote, though. Because while trying to make sure that we are protected from the cars and other things that were going on, we gave those who wish to destroy space to do that as well.

And we worked very hard to keep that balance and to put ourselves in the best position to de-escalate. That sounds to me that she's very pragmatic. See, when I read it in context, what that sounds to me like she's a pragmatic woman, and what she did was she made a calculation and decided that these guys are going to destroy things, and maybe that was admitting that they left some cop cars there, too. Smart move, right?

Take a loss for the greater good, maybe, you know. But there's, you mean the greater good? you know But there's You mean the greater good I mean they They burnt a lot of shit They smashed a lot of things A lot of cops got injured Fuck being a cop man It's too hard

This day and age Fuck that We need them though That's what's crazy You know I'm really And I said It's one of the things

Like who's gonna do it I mean it's a certain It's a certain personality That's gonna go do it Yeah And you know I mean I guess there's that's gonna go do it. Yeah, and you know, I mean There's I guess there's multiple personalities that can do it

But a lot of times ends up being the same guy, you know It's it can you know and obviously the abusive people or when it becomes a problem, but the really calm people They're super valuable super valuable asset to the community if you have a really good calm cop who actually can deal with shit Good luck finding one of those good luck being that guy too super valuable asset to the community if you have a really good, calm cop who actually can deal with shit. Good luck finding one of those. Good luck being that guy, too. It's a hard road, and you're not going to get nearly the respect that you feel like you deserve for putting your fucking life on the line on a daily basis, breaking up family disputes and stopping crime and break-ins and fucking carjackings and all kinds of crazy

shit you have to deal with. Everybody's lying to you. I mean... Some of the worst things, though, is when a cop really does buddy up to you and starts like opening up his weird moral like world like where his morals are to you it's it always blows my mind i've had him say things like yeah it sucks he's fucking homeless around here you know we used to be able to just beat their ass but now it's like they're watching us everywhere and you're like really i've heard him say uh one guy was bragging to me that he's never had he was trying i was smoking weed in his presence and he was like yeah i wish i could smoke again man but you know they just test us all the

time he goes but you could check my arrest records man i've never had a uh never arrested anyone for weed never arrested anyone for a dui and i was like like, what? I'm like, no, man. You have to arrest every DUI. Yeah, exactly. You're trying to make some correlation to me. I saw a guy drunk on the road the other night, pretty sure drunk, thinking whether or not I should call him in. So I got beside him in the lane, backed up, and stayed behind him,

watched him weave in and out of the lane. I couldn't tell if he was drunk or he was tired, because he would keep it up for a while, and then he would drift drift and then he'd come back in and keep it up and then he was good it was hard to tell but it was disturbing as fuck it's like all these cars are flying around going 70 miles an hour and this one guy is not fully in control i've had to call a few times just because every time i come home it's that time you know the bars are closing and so once in a while you just have to do it because you see how bad it is like all right that's ridiculous I called in once called in once coming down the one-on-one some fucking guy was just

taking two three lanes at a time just go straight across and then back on straight for a little bit a little bit of wiggle ooh drift to the right back on straight straight straight wait I mean he was fucked up And I knew that that guy was going to crash. And I called the cops. I don't know what happened. Never saw it. I did watch a guy. I was going 70 miles an hour.

And this guy fucking flew by me on the highway the other day. Just vroom, vroom. And I was like, what the fuck? I mean, dude, it was a crowded highway. And dude had to be going a buck 20. Easy. Easy buck 20. And then right behind him

The fucking cops were racing him the entire time this asshole like thought he was like being Joe slick and Driving fast with a car behind him and that car was a cop car So they hit the lights and they're right behind him. Oh my god He was driving so fast because I was watching this I was like This is not like an empty road on the way to Vegas There's no one in front of you and you're fucking listening to Radar Love This is the 101 In Hollywood You know, it's 7.30 at night, very crowded road

And this guy was flying It's so The science is in on that shit Do you know what I mean? Those things, they end bad a lot Yeah, they do. Car chases. Car chases are fucking terrifying for cops too.

Imagine if you're a cop and you plow into someone and kill them while you're trying to get some bad guy. Fuck. But that happens. Of course it happens. You're fucking going 150 miles an hour, whatever the hell you're going,

going around corners and how good exactly is their driving? You know? Did you ever see the, those videos of cops getting hit by cars while they're checking IDs and stuff? Oh, yeah. That's awful. I mean, where they stand for that is ridiculous almost.

Most of them don't do that anymore. They stand on the other side. Yeah, they go on the other side. But there's a danger issue. When you're approaching cars, you've got to see someone's hands. You've got to make sure that they don't have any weapons on them. Every cop has to approach every car like, this is the guy that might keep you

from seeing your family again. That's just a crazy job, man. It's a crazy way to make a living. It is a shame because those videos, that's why I said I've actually never had cops be very helpful to me or nice to me ever. Ever? Very, very rare. Yeah, it's very weird. Well, look at you. You look like a fucking ever. It's very rare. It's very weird.

Well, look at you. You look like a fucking monster. I mean, yeah. Like a guy who's got a fucking torture basement in his house. What's under that carpet, Big Jay? Nothing. It's just carpet. Fourteen Filipino boys were pulled from a trunk in this man's basement.

Do you look like that dude from Pulp Fiction, the gimp? Bring out the gimp, guys. Bring out the gimp? Yeah, you're one of the guys, right? Yeah, a grown man with long hair is like, hmm, you don't follow the rules, do you? What else do you not follow the rules on, sir? It's usually the bun, which is I do play by the rules. A bun? Put in a bun?

Well, that's the new rule. You get a man thing, the top, like a pony, a manly pony. And then I get on top of the girl pyramid. Have you heard the newest trend for women is actually putting it an old lady hair bun and actually dying your hair grays that like people are dying their hair gray. I met a girl with dying her hair gray. I'm not surprised. That's so stupid. Nose rings. Looked weird. High pants, there's mom jean shorts. Hair dye. You know, there's always gonna be something people are always exhausted with the options that are available And they're just like look. I just need something new. I'm going gray fuck it. I'm going I'm gonna fucking tattoo my face

How about those guys on a that lock-up bra or somewhere they tattoo their eyes? Oh? Oh yeah? I've seen they tattoo the white so black yeah, I mean choosing to dye their hair gray for the granny hair Well if you're fucking hot as shit like those girls, yeah, you can do that. It's silver. It's not even gray. Who's going to get mad? Look how hot those girls are. That's ridiculous. They're so hot.

Who gives a fuck if they have gray hair? You can shave your head. You know, like I always say, like when someone say, do you think a girl's attractive? There's a lot of girls that are undeniably attractive, but do they pass the shaved head no shirt test? There's a lot of girls that are undeniably attractive, but do they pass the shaved head, no shirt test? And if a girl passes the shaved head, no shirt test, that's a ridiculously hot girl, right? All these girls in this montage pass the shaved head, no shirt test. I like this.

I can't say I'm surprised. I can't say I'm surprised that granny hair is in. They're hot. They're hot. Who gives a fuck? They have black eyelashes. That's almost my point. It's not even granny hair is in. They're hot. They're hot. Who gives a fuck? They have black eyelashes. That's almost my point. It's not even granny hair if they're that hot.

Yeah, those girls are... It doesn't take on that look. Those girls, it's like they want to slow it down a little. They're too hot. You know? Right? Trying to put some roadblocks in the way? Yeah. They're like, it's just too many dudes are hitting on me.

I'm going to take it down a notch. I'm going to rip a tooth out. Tired of sucking all this dick. Yeah, it's just enough already. I've got too many dicks coming my way. Joe, did you see that episode of Workaholics that they talk about? That was so fucking good. I've never watched that show before.

It was hilarious. Yeah, I didn't watch it. I saw some of the clips online, but I didn't watch it. How much of the show was dedicated to making fun of... It was a lot. What happens is they eat peyote. Right. And throughout the thing, they're quoting you.

And then there's some silly quotes where they're like, No, Joe Rogan says we got to trip on acid and do jujitsu. I laughed my ass off. It's called Peyote It Forward. It's season five, episode 12. I've watched it four times. That's hilarious. It's called Peyote It Forward. It's season five, episode 12. I've watched it four times. That's hilarious. It's a funny show, man.

I just haven't had a chance to watch it. I barely can keep up with Game of Thrones. I don't have time to do anything, man. I'm just too fucking busy these days. We Seth Rogen all the time. We need a Joe Rogan once in a while. That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

That's an honor. That's an honor. That's really cool. When I saw it online saw it online i was like wow this is crazy it's funny when you can go either way when you're referenced in a show like i was talking i was talking to arty lang uh like two weeks ago or something he was and he told me that uh how he thought it was an honor he got referenced on cleveland show one time but it was the reference was uh i guess the mom was buying food one day at a time he's like nobody buys food one day at a time except for already like i'm like oh it's kind of a weird way to have it's a punch line kind of

calling you shitty yeah well it's kind of saying you eat a lot you fuck yeah um fuck was i gonna say yeah that show's a good show man it's It's a funny fucking show. It's really well written. It was. It was surprising because I never had watched it before. Now, that and Broad City. Have you ever watched that? No. It's like... There's too many good things, man.

I haven't seen Amy Schumer's show either. I keep hearing really good things about Amy Schumer's show. Have you seen it? I've watched it. The cool thing about Broad City, it's kind of like Sex and the City, but our generation. And they just smoke weed and do gross shit.'s kind of like Sex and the City, but our generation. And they just smoke weed and do gross shit. How is that like Sex and the City at all? Sex and the City is a girl show.

It's about two girls. Sex and the City for pigs. Hannibal Barris, he plays a guy in it that's a dentist. I highly recommend it. Damn, there's so many good shows now, man. This is a crazy... Silicon Valley's fucking great. I missed a bunch of shows, and you can't go back.

There's too many now. Because there's new ones coming out. Yeah, if you're behind, if you never watched all the Breaking Bads, you can't just start with Better Call Saul. You're fucked. Yeah, I didn't watch Breaking Bad. So yeah, it's a good show. I just don't know. I watched the first season,, it's a good thing. I just don't know.

I watched the first season, and it was really good. But I just got busy. It's just a matter, just totally a matter of being busy. I made it through Dexter, and that got really disappointing at the end. I gave up on Dexter. I finished it, and it's disappointing. Super disappointing. We got, when I finished, I've talked about this a hundred times,

when John Lithgow killed that chick in the bathtub, gave her a shitty rear naked choke. He put her in like a lame rear naked choke. I'm like, bitch, you are not choking anybody with that. Fuck this show. And I just, I literally got rid of it right there. He checked out Dexter for legitimacy of mixed martial arts moves. You can't just fake.

It's like if you were doing a documentary on Jimi Hendrix and you're playing a fake guitar and you didn't really know what you were doing and I could tell you didn't know what you were doing, I'd go, fuck this documentary. That's how I feel about John Lithgow and his shitty, rear-naked choke. Plus, when you choke on somebody, they fight back. They're trying to stay alive. They're freaking the fuck out.

They don't just stay in place so you can do it. They fight. They kick their legs. They fucking thrash around. They look like Elizabeth Berkley in that coke scene in the pool when she was trying to bang Kyle McLaughlin. Remember? She's flopping around. That's what it would look like if youkley in that coke scene in the pool, which was trying to bang Kyle McLaughlin She's

You're trying to choke somebody they would start kickin they realized their life is in danger They don't just oh my god John Lithgow third rock from the side here kill me. I love you and Harry the Hendersons Fuck out of here. He's not a killer stop too much You know I don't want to typecast the man, but the fuck out of here. You didn not a killer. Stop! Too much. You know, I don't want to typecast the man, but get the fuck out of here. You didn't like him in that at all, that show? No. Oh, wow. I really did like him in that.

He was my favorite season. Couldn't get past his shitty jiu-jitsu technique. I can't believe that. I wish they would redo it like Star Wars, you know, who shot first or something, just to fix that scene for you. Nope. Nope. No. I mean, was he good other than that? The show was already going downhill. something, just to fix that scene for you. Nope. Nope. No.

I mean, was he good other than that? The show was already going downhill. No, the show got shitty right from there, pretty much. What happened? It was so good at one point in time, but something happened and it just got really off the rails. You know what? Every year they kept exposing, like, an end of series secret. And then when they got another season, they'd have to incorporate that into the story.

Do you know what I mean? So it was like, his sister was never supposed to find out he did that and then it was like Multiple seasons of her knowing he was a skill You know I mean like they got over it very quick as a cop when they killed his I mean spoiler alert when he killed his wife when he killed his wife I was that's like when I think a lot of people was like When John Lithgow killed his wife really yeah, Jesus, I was like, that's too much. He killed his wife? When John Lithgow killed his wife. Really? Yeah. Oh, Jesus.

I didn't know that. Oops. Oof. Oh, yeah. The ending of that. Oh, I thought that was your show. There's a shitty rear naked show. Look.

Piss poor jujitsu technique, sir. You're not even flexing. He's not even flexing. I just wish I had a bathtub that I could do that in. That would be way easier. I'm jealous with bathtubs. It'd be way easier to get a bathtub to do that in then to do that if you do that you have to kill somebody Okay, do you have a good bath? Yeah? I'm sure you do good bad

Yeah, get a bathtub son. This is America No one's ever said that yes, they are notorious freestyle from the movie and now who played Biggie and how It was good this is 11 2011. Yeah, it's a four-year-old movie. Yeah, who played Biggie, and how long did this come out? The kid was good. This is 2011? Yeah. It's a four-year-old movie? Yeah. It's been out for a long time.

Are we going to hear his freestyle? Oh, I want to hear the battle. Whoa. Whoa, they're angry with each other. This is not even really happening. This is how it starts. Someone gets their neck broken as far as the streets DJ on the streets just hand me a microphone in the middle of the street. Yeah. Now let me tell you a little story about the Poo Poo Cream. Cream had boiled like Mr. Clean.

Cream be fresh like Irish Spring. And around here I'm raining and raining king. Big Cream, coming from the Borough of Brooks. You sweet on the mic, so you might get in trouble. This is not Biggie for the listeners. This is Biggie's friend who is talking shit to him. It's a rap battle. And so... That's supposed to be Lil to him. It's a rap battle. And so.

That's supposed to be Lil' Kim. She's pretty. Yeah. And now Biggie takes the mic. Let's hear what he has to say. I assume it will be better. Shit, your flow's constipated, many are waiting. The heavyset brother from Fulton Street. Drop a rhyme to a funky beat. Niggas wanna know how I live the Mac life. Making money smoking mics like crack pipes.

Making loot, knocking boots on the regular. Pass the microphone, I'm the perfect competitor. Shoes and all that, the clothes is all that. Come step into me, that's where you take your fall at. Be out you, just like a murder, it's unheard of. I stay close to be Biggie is awesome. Yeah, it's just more comfortable to listen to. It's relaxing. Well, if you listen to Biggie's real shit,

if you've ever seen the video of him freestyling when he was 16 years old, that's what you've got to see. So go to this kill that go to the go to biggie when he was 16 years old is that it yeah okay play this Until I started hustling on Bluetooth Street Making news, knocking hoops on the regular Passing microphones, I'm the perfect competitor Jewels and all that, the clothes it's all at Chump set the tummy, that's where you took your fall at B.I.T. forgot my brother, that's no hurt I say close to my, like Gina Ortega

Pick the slobber, the puff mother comes to undercover Work your lover, I'll above ya And I'll love ya Cause you're a sweet bitch, a crazy brat You might make my dick hit I'm so used to the real God damn. Keep going. Damn. That's 17. How good was he?

There's something about freestyle, though. It's not... It's like roast jokes. Yeah, but how about the fact, first of all, it's not freestyle. That's the point I'm making. Those are written rhymes. Those are written rhymes. I think all freestyles are. A lot of them are.

But it's like being able to flow on the point and then have the right things to say. But you just got to appreciate what he just did. A microphone, an old-schooling microphone like Chris Rock in one of those posters. You know, Lenny Bruce, those old-school-y microphones. He's got one of those. He's standing on a fucking corner in front of a grocery store on the street. And there's people all around him. And there's an actual rap battle going on on the corner.

I mean, that's like one of the greatest videos. And there's a Korean guy just loading buck shots into a phone. Look at this. In Bed-Stuy. That's one of the greatest videos. Inside there's a Korean guy just loading buck shots into a phone. Look at this. In Bed-Stuy. That's one of the greatest videos in the history of pop culture. You want to talk about a talented motherfucker in his environment, the environment where he developed and grew, and you see how good he is.

And in his hand, he's got notes, dude. In his left hand, he's got his fucking lyrics, man. Most likely. Look at that. I mean, whatever he's holding in his hand, I would assume that that's probably his notes. Yeah. I never even noticed that in his hand before.

Is it cash? It could be cash, but it's weird-shaped money. It's like Bolivian money or some shit. The yen. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't look like cash, right? It looks like notes. It looks like he's got a notepad. Or maybe it might be a towel.

Yeah. That's the one thing. He always was sweaty. He's a bad motherfucker, dude. I mean, it's just amazing to see how good his flow was at 17 He's my all-time my all-time favorite rapper. That's right there him and Nas Nas is like my all-time best lyricist I think Nas was like the most complex and the most like I got would listen to Nas lyrics and go god Damn, this dude's brilliant just brilliant lyrics listen to Nas lyrics and go, God damn, this dude's brilliant. Just brilliant lyrics. But you know a band that doesn't get enough, a group that doesn't get enough credit? Gangstar.

Oh yeah. Fuck, they were great. Dude, fuck, they were amazing. Gangstar, they had some fucking great jams. Stepping in the arena? Yeah. Yeah, I liked Gangstar a lot growing up. You know what was the worst ever? Nice and Smooth. No, what's Nice and Smooth? No, what's Nice and Smooth? You don't remember Nice and Smooth?

No. Hip-hop junkies where they used the Partridge Family song? Oh, you've heard that. No, I haven't. Absolutely. Really? Nice and Smooth were also the guys. If you like...

Like Ari's butthole, I blocked it out. If you like Gangstar, they had this song... Okay, I might not actually know about this. They did a song, Dwick. Or... Yeah. Well, I don't know. Go to it. They did a song, Dwick. Or, uh... Yeah, you know. Well, I don't know.

Go to it. Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. You don't remember that song? Oh, I do remember that. See, but that's kind of like... What year was this? These guys are so not in the mix. They actually grew old.

No one killed them or nothing. Look at them. What year? Look at how old they are. They're doing fantastic. That's good 401ks. Yeah. What does that say? 91? No diabetes? 91, man. Look at them. Look at how old they are. They're doing fantastic. They've got good 401Ks. Yeah.

What does that say? 91? No diabetes? 91, man. I was out of the loop. That was like when I was struggling hardcore as a comedian dog. That was three years into my comedy career. I was doing nothing but doing stand-up. I didn't go to any clubs where I would ever hear this.

If you want to chuckle, play the first verse of hip-hop junkies It's these all my lyrics He said everything is non sequitur. It's like a cool thing. He just says words that rhyme there. That's let's hear it Nothing makes any sense 91 when I lost my virginity audio for the YouTube video, so doesn't get us pulled off these fucks the podcast audio should be okay Do you think nice and smooth, they do DRM for us? Let's hear this. Can you guys hear it?

No, we don't hear anything. We don't hear anything. So let's give it up. Oh, is this in living color? Is that what this is? Oh, wow. In living Color. I remember this.

Do you remember this? Yeah. Wow. See, I went for a period of a few years where I never watched. I'd watch very little TV. I didn't watch much pop culture stuff. I don't know this at all.

Orca was a great big whale. I knew a fat girl who broke the scale. Man, check out the fly girls. They were sagging. They were sagging even way back then. Oh, yeah. Whoa. So this is 91?

Sean Wayans was 20 years from doing an open mic. How dare you? He's a nice fellow. SW1. Okay, you can stop this before we all... Die. Die of fucking shitty music overload. Black guys in orange hats. Remember those days?

No, compare that to Biggie when he was 17. Play some more of that. Play this. I bet if black people kept dressing like Heavy D, or like A Different World There wouldn't be people getting killed in the streets like that Dude, he looks like he was just playing golf He really is dressed like a little kid's black kid's school picture

Alright, alright No comparison I do not like that other stuff No, it's horrible Is that the worst ever? I think that's probably one of the worst rappers ever. Hmm. I try to concentrate on the best.

I try to see the best in things, Jay Okers. The exception of like, maybe like, didn't like Didi Ramone make a rap album or something like that? Who's Didi Ramone?

From the Ramones. No way. Joey Ramone, Didi Ramone? Yeah. Didi Ramone, when he was on heroin, made a rap video, I think. No.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Why? Because he was on heroin. He needed heroin money. Didn't Chris Cornell from Soundgarden make some really bad pop album? Like really poppy Britney Spears-y type music? Didn't he? I don't know.

What is this? What are you playing? Diddy King's rap album? No way. This is Diddy Ramone? Yeah. Let's see. Diddy King is rap album? No way. This is Didi Ramone? Yeah. Let's see. You'll see him.

Didi King is what he called himself? Gotta see him. Oh, stop. Stop this. Stop this right now. Stop this. Oh, yeah, it's him. It's Didi Ramone.

Oh, my God. Do you think this is like, he's being silly? I mean, he got up and his place is a mess and there's pizza on the floor. He's living that rock and roll lifestyle. Oh, God. This is awful. Okay. Stop it. Stop it! What was the other one that we just said? Oh, the Chris Cornell stuff. I remember

that. It was like widely decided that that was good. But he was so fucking good in Soundgarden. It's hard to imagine he was bad in anything. Listen to Blow Up the Outside World and go, look, that guy gets a pass forever. If he can do

that, you can try all your fucking goofy Garth Brooks, Chris Gaines type projects. Sometimes that works. I mean, Sugar Ray was like a speed metal band. What? Sugar Ray? Yeah, they have a song called Mean Machine.

Was there one sort of radio hit? And then they were like, you're good looking, man. Cut that hair and frost your tips and go sing songs. Is that Sugar Ray Mark McGrath? Yeah. How did that guy wind up an entertainment news reporter? Nice to look at. He's beautiful to look at, but he was a really good musician.

But I think he probably wanted to. I bet he doesn't believe in any. Your heart's probably in the music you don't succeed with if that happens to you. So that style of music, I just want to fly. I don't think that's what he wanted to do. If you hear his original, they have videos of the original way the band was, and they changed completely. I heard Incubus did that too, though.

I didn't know Incubus very much before the radio hits, but my buddy tells me all the time that they were a pretty... Big into psychedelics. Like psychedelic metal band, yeah. Incubus? Yeah, before they did Wish You Were Here and all that stuff. Family Values too with Korn and Deftones.

They were on Ozzfest before. What made them change? Money. You know, the record executives come in, they go, you're really handsome. Because he was like a dirtbag, too, like a guy. But he's a pretty boy. Everyone knows him as a pretty boy in Incubus. Wow, that's weird.

Wow, that's great. That's the untold stories of the music business, the manipulation. Just like we were talking about movies. You know, it's got to be a lot of that in the music business as well they decide what's gonna make it work the beauty and rappers other when they get angry each other started explaining who had the better childhood they started shitting you know I'm talking about what I can listen motherfucker went to private school like that's ago they're always a full-on education yeah and remember that

was the big thing with that I mean eventually got a super exposed but dr. Dre like right before NWA was wearing, like, you know, a glittery thing, and, like, you know, it was like whatever, I forget what they were called. I just watched that Welcome to Death Row documentary the other day. That is... I can't believe it's NWA. Man, Suge Knight is just... That's a scary dude, man.

What is this, Sugar Ray Meme Machine? Sugar Ray, yeah, what their original thing was, yeah. Let me hear this. It's terrible. Ugh. That's gross whoa yeah it looks weird too it's not just it just looks it looks early like 90s these guys someone needs to take them out for a hard night somewhere outside of like orange county take them out of laguna beach and bring them out for a hard night somewhere. Outside of, like, Orange County. Take them out on Laguna Beach and bring them to, like, a really... They need scars and tattoos and some life experience. You can't pose different guys in front of that old Cadillac. Just stop that.

That does not make you slick. That's not your car, is it? Is it? It's not your fucking car. For some reason, I believe, like, Maroon 5 was always Maroon 5, though. They've actually evolved with the times to go to more popular music. That does look like the Comedy Store, Jamie. Oh my God, it is the Comedy Store, isn't it?

No. It's the stage. That might be. That's the main room stage, dude. That's too small. No, just with the camera. It's the angle of the camera, man. Holy shit, it is.

There's also a whole drum kit. It's very possible. We'll find out. Oh, no, it is. That totally the camera man holy shit it is there's also a whole drum kit it's very possible we'll find out oh no it is that totally is it looks it's got the side side stairs on each side I mean if it's not it's a very similar design no it's the same dick and lights inside yeah that's it I just was fooled with the camera Wow that's fucking crazy that comedy store main room stage has seen a lot of shit. That's where Richard Pryor filmed Live at the Sunset Strip, right? I thought so.

I'm pretty sure. Pull that Richard Pryor Live at the Sunset Strip. I think, I'm almost positive it was filmed at the Comedy Store. One of them was filmed at the Comedy Store, right? Was it? I'd say the Roxy. Well, the Kenison one, the HBO special, was filmed at the Roxy. You know, for whatever reason.

He was probably banned from the comedy store when it went down. Because he was always like... They fucking repaired the bullet hole in the back sign. I was like, why did you do that? Like, why would you do that? Why would you fix that? From Kinison. Kinison shot a gun in the parking lot to scare dice

He shot the fucking sign and there was always a bullet hole in it I was like why would you fix that like we didn't you know thought it's a good idea to fix it. No God damn it. How could you fix that like well? There's still the hole in the back of it I'm like not good enough right not good enough. You need to leave the whole hole the whole thing where was it Hollywood Palladium California what wait a minute live on the Sunset Strip was all done in a different place except for one part of it that's crazy so wasn't on the Sunset Strip and a year later What? How is that possible two months later? How is that possible I?

Can get lost on on looking at track listing names of comedy always the but these aren't so bad But sometimes they are just hilarious. You know did one of the funniest video of it. You know one of the funniest Track listings that you know Nate Bargatze Pull up a video of it. You know one of the funniest track listings? Nate Bargatze. He's a very funny comic. Nate Bargatze. He has a special, actually. It was on Comedy Central this last week.

But his album, the tracks are just called. It was like, all right, good start. And the track two is like, getting them. And the two is like, starting to lose them. It's always like how the crowd was reacting, which is fucking pretty hilarious. That's a funny thing for you. He's like, losing them now. It's funny. He goes, oh,, which is fucking pretty hilarious. That's a funny thing for you. He's like losing him now. It's funny.

He goes, oh, got him back. Like track seven's like, got him back. Did you find him? It is really weird how the East Coast comics and the West Coast comics rarely know each other. This is crazy. This is, he probably wore the same suit everywhere and did it at a bunch of different locations, but decided not to use the ones on the Sunset Strip for most of the recording. That's crazy.

And you can't really tell because he's in a dark stage. He made it just like a regular show. That's one thing that was really smart. Like, he didn't make the audience all lit up like they do in these new Comedy Central specials. Those motherfuckers are obsessed with lighting the room up. They want to light everybody up. Like, hey, fuckhead, that's not how it looks at a comedy show. And when you do that, the audience gets weird.

Yeah, you can kind of tell that's not the store. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know why I did think it was. I haven't seen this in a while. This is probably one of the all-time greatest comedy documentaries. I mean, not probably. One of the all-time greatest comedy specials ever. And just a documentary as well, kind of.

Because you're sort of, you're looking back into this time, into 1982, when Richard Pryor was on fire. I mean, just literally and physically, right? This is after a freebase incident. Yeah. Well, you know, he did really get burnt in a freebase accident. Said he did. um get burnt in a freebase accident said he did lit himself on fire the reality is he threw some liquor on him and lit himself on fire that's what actually happened in like a steve o way or like i'm gonna end it all right now end it all right now just the down in the deepest deepest darkest hole after freebasing that's why um he admitted

it later later in life you know that he had tried to kill himself that he had lit himself on fire and then look just after that here he is on stage killing and everybody loved him talk about balance talk about i mean that's like yeah you know to be normal and have like those cohesive thoughts and put those things together like that and then yeah at one point you know a year a year or so before this you're just in that kind of down that rabbit hole those cohesive thoughts and put those things together like that and then yeah at one point you know a year a year or so before this you're just in that kind of down that rabbit hole look it back up a little bit jamie back up to that side view of him again i want to point something out here watch the way he moves like pay attention to his hands as he's talking because we can't hear what he's saying and look at the rhythm to the he's like doing he's putting on a show with his hands. While he's performing, his hands are moving in this delicate, controlled way.

It's kind of cool to watch. It accentuates the material itself. It accentuates the joke. He's moving his hands through the air. It's weird to watch. It's like he's doing a little dance while he's also telling the joke his hands going up above His head to emphasize things that's cooking hands moving around no no no it's not it's performers hands He's just a really great stand-up. He's moving this is not a guy just standing in front of a microphone talking

It's there's a way that he's moving that was also funny It was like it's cool to watch like there's a rhythm to the way he would like go in and out like he's relaxing you by walking he's in between bits you know and now he's starting on another one and the hands start moving again it's like he's doing a puppet show or something you know i mean look at the way he moves like we're not hearing him so we we can only see him but we can hear the rhythm and the type of material he was doing just by the way he's moving his hands. That was part of what his act was. It was his actual physical movements were funny.

They were vulnerable. They were gentle. They were rhythmic. And they were hypnotic. There was a hypnotic aspect to the way he actually moved. But doesn't, I guess not all of them, but a lot of good comics have that element, I think. Sure. Because you have to stay captivating.

Oh, yeah. We all do. And then there's the people who get called on, like, their 40s. I mean, that was, like, the dig on. called on like their 40 i mean that was like the dig on i came in comedy at a time where like i didn't know dane cook enough to be like oh that asshole's making it but there was a lot of around me people that you know it's like oh he's just herking and jerking around on stage and that's all it is and kind of bunch of nonsense but i was like mom i think there's something to it i mean there was definitely an element of what he did with that that brought something to what he did

you know i mean i'd be i'd be lying if i said dane cook didn't make me laugh i remember i've I mean, there was definitely an element of what he did with that that brought something to what he did. You know what I mean? Sure. I'd be lying if I said Dane Cook didn't make me laugh. I've laughed at a bunch of his stuff. Well, a bunch of people enjoyed his movements. But there's a thing about that style of comedy. And, like, okay, here's a better example, like Emo Phillips. Emo Phillips, that shit works when you're 25.

That shit works when you're 35. But when you're 45, people start going, hey, man, why are you talking like that? You know like why are you doing that? Like what is that that I'm pretending especially when you want that I'm not especially you pull the curtain Yeah, and you do interviews and shit like Bobcat Bobcat had a band in his his early persona He's pretty open about that. He talks about it, but his You know, he would have this crazy, wild, fucking pulling his hair and then eventually saying some

really funny shit. Yeah, and you could watch that one, I don't remember what it was called, but I remember renting it at a video store when I was younger. He was wearing a sleeveless cowboy shirt almost on the cover of it, and he's super sweaty, and he's drinking tab coals. But he actually stops doing, he never announces it, just somewhere in the middle of the set, it just, that fades away,

that character he's doing. Huh. Well, he probably got annoyed with it after a while. And in the middle of that actual set is when, I mean, he still had the long hair and everything. It was like, he was, yeah, just stops doing it in the middle, which I thought was odd. But yeah, when you commit to that character full time, and you do have to worry about that.

Emo Phillips is a good example. I wonder about Mitch Fatale. I like Mitch very much. You know Mitch Fatale, right? Like, I mean, like, I've worked with him recently. It's, when you're starting to show age on your face, it's hard to be like the man child. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's still a tiny guy, so it works and everything. But it's not even, just starting to show age on your face it's hard to be like the man child you know i mean he's still a tiny guy so it works and everything but it's not even just like how long will it like right there there may be a very definitive brick ceiling on that yeah like a

bomb shelter type ceiling yeah man like the emo phillips was the big one that was a big one because i remember watching him all of a sudden just do regular stand-up and I was like, ooh. But I watched like a transitionary time where he wasn't just doing regular stand-up. He was kind of like doing a softer version of his old self the way he used to do comedy. Oh yeah, I saw him on At Midnight doing it, which was weird.

He was doing it on that show? Completely, yeah. Yeah. Very, very weird. I mean, you can't fault it if it works. Hi, Chris Hardwick. How do you properly dispose of bacon grease? You got to throw it in the garbage.

In the garbage? Yeah, you can throw it in the garbage. Not in the pipes. Yeah, don't throw it in the pipes. It's like, I mean, it's like flesh. You know, it's like if you want to kind of get rid of fat. How would you get rid of fat? Outdoors is okay.

You wouldn't just throw it outside? Yeah. I mean, if you... Like on a tree? Why would you put it on a tree? You mean under a tree? Yeah. Like, it's like fertilizer?

Just drive my dog nuts. Turn that shit into soap like Fight Club, dude. Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. Did they use human bodies for Fight Club or something like that? Yeah, it was a human fat. Yeah. Human fat from a liposuction clinic or something like that?

Aren't they doing a Fight Club too? That comic book. What? Oh, he just wrote the book. Is it done? I think it just came out or it's about to come out. A friend did the artwork. Really? No shit.

So, are they going to make another movie? I hope so. It's the best movie ever. You hope there's a part two? That was so not the best movie ever. I love Fight Club. Have you re-watched that? Of course I re-watched it. It's fun. I like the movie Heat a lot, but I don't want to heat too.

It's fun up until the moment where you find out that he's the same guy, and you're like, get the fuck out of here. You watch Memento? Yeah, Memento was good. You hated that you hated the switcheroo Stupid like oh, you're the same guy as this guy that you've been falling around and he's been teaching you to fight That's you you just forgot and now you remember oh great And then you're gonna blow up a building or something stupid like the fuck out of it

What's that what you know when I watch it? I've been convinced to enjoy it much more. But when I saw it in the theater the first time, and that was like one of the first movies in a theater I saw that was like a little odd and different. You know what I mean? Like I usually just kind of went and saw like whatever the blockbusters were. I was pretty middle of the road on my movie taste at that age.

But like when I went to go see that, I was like, it was so bizarre at the ending. I was like, I just kind of lost. I didn't even get it. I mean, I got it. It was the same person, but I was like, it was so bizarre at the ending. I was like, I just kind of lost, I didn't even get it. I mean, I got it, it was the same person, but I was like, this just looks like a weird shit

at the end of the movie. It also for me falls into that same sort of category as the fake Jimi Hendrix guitar thing. I'm watching people beat the shit out of each other. I'm like, look,

nobody wants the fuck beaten out of them. You're certainly not going to get a whole basement of dudes willing to beat the fuck out of each other. It's just not going to happen. And then like,

you know, we'll die for you. Let me tell you something. You get hit once. You get really bare-knuckled once in the face. Very unlikely you're gonna keep doing that. Very unlikely. Showing up at work with black guys all the time, like, really? Why wouldn't

you just learn how to fight at a martial arts school, you fucking idiot? You're gonna meet with some asshole in a parking lot. You guys are gonna beat each other's brains out. You're gonna get on top of... Yeah, you ain't pretty anymore. Remember that? When Jared Leto beat him bloody until his fucking face was swollen? Come on.

Yeah, that's a good movie. What did you feel about it? What did you feel about it? I thought one of the dumbest scenes to me was when Edward Norton, was that 25th Hour? Did you ever see that? At the end when he's like, I can't go on looking this pretty. So look in this pretty so beat me up because you're gonna be pretty again in like a Couple weeks man likely you're gonna buy your butthole like four weeks

They're just going pretty and fight that guy like try the guy trying to fuck your butt. How stupid is that? I can't he's that certain he's gonna get fucked in the ass right away. I guarantee that's some more Hollywood fuckery That's some some other stories. who's never been punched saying, I think you should go in beat up. He's going to get his buddy to beat him up. This is the big turn. Like unmercifully, by the way. It was like a crazy beating.

You lose your vision from those sometimes. Sometimes you lose your sense of smell. These guys lose their taste. They can't taste things after they get punched in the head. They literally don't know what things taste like. Like this idea that somebody's just going to punch you and you just get all bruised up a little. It's not a Charlie horse, okay?

He's punching your fucking brain. Punching where you store your brain. This is the container where your brain's in. And it only has so many times it could even move like that. I'm getting bounced off the curb. Get the fuck out of here. It's just ridiculous. The trivialization of brain hemorrhaging and

brain trauma and beatdowns like that. It's like, I can't go along with that. I know too much. I've seen too many people get their fucking brains beaten out of them. I've seen it too many times. So I didn't like Fight Club. But Axe Mocking didn't like it. Didn't like it. Did you like Warrior? Yes, but it was

bullshit. You can't fight two days in a row. You just can't. You'd be so fucked up from the first fight No one ever you better to fight back to back. Yes I would take my back to back in one day any day over that movie Well, I think Fight Club is a better movie than warrior. There's definitely a better as a move Well better what much better movie? It's just that that one reveal I could almost deal with the idea that these guys were filled with angst so much. They wanted to beat each other up just so they could feel alive.

I could kind of get that for a little bit. But no one had any technique. That doesn't make any sense to me. The guys wouldn't actually learn how to fight. Look at that. Sweet little titties. But what was I going to say? You bought into the fact that they were...

Just that the turnaround, the flip, the reveal that he was the same guy was just so dumb. And it became like a cult. You can't do that. You can't pretend that he was just, oh, it was just a dream. Like your whole movie's based on a switcheroo. The whole movie's a big switcheroo. Do not see the latest episodes of Grey's Anatomy then when Mr. McDreamy dies. You don't have to worry about that.

You do not have to worry about that at all. Is there a switcheroo? Oh, there's a thousand horrible switcheroos in that. You do not have to worry about me watching that. That's what the ending of Dexter just did the shittiest thing of all time. Don't do it to me. So much. I can't do it.

It was horrible. Well, that was one of the things that I really appreciated about that Ex Machina movie is there's none of that. Every scene in that movie. Did you see it? No, I'm seeing it tomorrow. Jamie, you saw it. It's fucking badass. It's so smart. It's so well done. You buy every step of the way. Like, there's never

one part in the movie where you're like, get the fuck out of here. Is it a dark flick? Pretty dark? It's good, dude. It's good. It's creepy. It's good. It puts you in a position where you're like, fuck, I don't know, man. It's about AI. I can't tell you, bitch. It's about AI. It's pretty fucking

good, man. One of the best movies I've seen in many years. Have you seen this Elon Musk thing? The Tesla firewall? This new, very affordable solar power battery that he's invented. That's 3,500 bucks. It could charge a fucking whole house.

Wow. A total game changer. Have you seen this shit, Jamie? It's incredible. There's a video. If you go on my Twitter feed, there's a video that I retweeted that somebody sent me a YouTube video of him explaining it. It's a fucking complete, total game changer when it comes to

batteries and wall-mounted units. You could stack as many as nine of these wall-mounted units. They're $3,500, which is like, solar power was really prohibitively expensive for most people. Super, super expensive for those batteries. The tech's all

fucked up. They stink. They overheat. They're dangerous. But apparently this fucking dude has nailed it. I don't know. I mean, I'm obviously not a fucking expert on batteries, but people are very, very excited about this fucking thing. We'll take our air cars. We'll take our air cars to go buy one. Yeah, give us

some volume. We'll close out with this because we've got to get the fuck out of here. It's 20 minutes long. Well, give us just a little bit of volume here, Jamie. Play a little bit of it. Look at the beautiful man. Beautiful Iron Man type motherfucker. This is a product we call the Tesla Powerwall. And if you look back against that wall, you'll see a whole bunch of them as well in different colors. How long before this guy makes an Iron Man suit? You can pick your favorite color. He's Iron Man. And it looks like a beautiful sculpture on the wall. So it's very important. I want to point out a few things that are very important about this.

The fact that it's wall-mounted is vital because it means you don't need to have a battery room. You don't have to have some room filled with nasty batteries. It means that a normal household can mount this on their garage or on the outside wall of their house, and it doesn't take up any room. I mean, it's flat against the wall. It has all of the integrated safety systems, the thermal controls. That's cool. It's incredible.

You can get home to this guy who's like a fat wife in a muumuu. There's some other parts of life that's just awful. Like, this guy is like a guy in a movie. It addresses all the needs. So watch that, folks, if you want to watch, because we're out of time here. The future. But this guy's like a guy in a movie. He's like a super billionaire genius inventor from a movie.

I mean, he makes a car that everybody falls in love with. It's got a goddamn laptop in the middle of it. You ever seen those? Yeah, my friend gets to drive one. Aubrey's got one. I heard it's amazing. Yeah. It's fucking incredible.

There's no feeling of shift at all. It's just this acceleration. There's a new one that comes out next year, though, that's going to be a lot better, I heard. Well, I don't know if it's next year. His? A new Tesla? Yeah, a new Tesla. Well, he had a new model that he debuted that's unbelievably fast.

It's zero to 60 in like three-something seconds. It's all electric, right? All electric. But they still can't go to Vegas. You still can't go to Vegas. Why? You have to stop. You have to stop halfway there and charge up in the middle of the fucking desert at

some creep head fucking weirdos stop where you plug in and you got to wait for half an hour while they circle you like buzzards because they know you can't go anywhere. Hey man, you can't even drive with that right now. If you're going to drive with that right now, how far do you think you'd get? How long does it last? You might get 350 miles out of a tank. You know, a charge, rather.

You might. But if you're driving fast, you won't. If you're driving fast, it's going to eat it up really quick. Using more power. Oh, yeah. It's like having a bunch of apps open. Yeah. It's going to eat it up. So, like, when it starts lowering, it dims the inside lights does all the shit to uh like aubrey has one he almost almost died out on his way home one night because he left it at his office and when you leave it somewhere it slowly drains the

battery like you can't leave it and just go away for three weeks and come back to a fully charged up battery it'll be hurting yeah it's like like having your iPhone and just leaving it on the kitchen table for a week. Leaving it on. Yeah. Because it's also an iPhone. Like a cell phone. It's got a 3G connection. Only 3G, which is whack. But it's constantly connected to the internet. So like you could say

Google Flock of Seagulls and it'll pull up Flock of Seagulls and it'll start play Flock of Seagulls and it'll give up flock of seagulls and you'll start play flock of seagulls and it'll give you some options and you can just start and it starts streaming i got nowhere that's what i would have picked that's what i know that's why i said it i knew it was your shit man what is your shit if you had if you're going to talk to your tesla what would you tell it where you wear your punisher shirt oh man. It depends on the mood, quite honestly. It could be metal.

It could be a Little River band, a bunch of goofy soft rock hits. Or 80s music or rap or whatever. If you want to see a really bad movie, see the Dolph Lundgren version of the Punisher. Horrible movie. I went to the theater for that, I think. Did you ever see the short they did With Thomas Jane It's even better

It's so bad and it's low resolution back then Right and so they He couldn't grow a beard And the Punisher had to have a beard So they smudge makeup on his face to pretend it's a beard See if you can pull it up and we'll end with this Because we'll get a nice hearty man laugh All three of us can grow an actual beard.

Look at this pussy. It's Dolph Lundgren. Meanwhile, he's a stud. Bruce Jenner understands. Karate champion. Bruce Jenner's the only person who understands. Yeah, Bruce Jenner, he has it all lasered off. Fuck.

Can I say my podcast before everyone gets mad at me? Legion of Skanks? Legion of Skanks and the SDR show is on all things comedy, the same as our East. What is the SDR show? Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. Just interview porn stars and rock stars. You guys are crazy. We interview Tesla, but not that guy.

The band Tesla. Oh, my goodness. That's the kind of interviews we do. It's fun. Very fun. Is it available on iTunes? All of them available on iTunes? All available on iTunes.

SDR show is on All Things Comedy. See if you can go back to, see if you can find a good picture of his face like a Google image cuz it's so stupid He couldn't oh, I guarantee you there's one look at this fucking the smudgy There we go right there. It's so vague. It's got like fake beard on it's like a really no That's not it Well, it's funny if you see the one where you're all the bullets on his chest like you can see when it's too light that He has no beard at all It's it's hard to tell you can tell a little bit there that movie pissed me off

He's like a 12 year old Cuban kid. Well, he was so good at dress Drago though He was so good at draw. Yeah, and that's what the Punisher would have looked like Brigitte Nielsen was so good as mrs. Drago and she fucked flavor Flav eventually So, you know, we all have our ups and peaks and valleys, y'all. We're going to end with that because that shit's real as fuck. Remember Brigitte Nielsen? Yeah, remember.

Peaks and valleys. How hot she used to be. Smoking like a cobra. Wednesday night at the Comedy Store. It was a ridiculous show. Yeah, we got Sarah Silverman, you, Greg Fitzsimmons, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brody Stevens,

and a bunch of surprise people. But May 12th, San Francisco at the Punchline with Tony, and May 13th in Sacramento. Tickets are on sale at Punchline Comedy. And DeathSquad.tv for all the dates, if you don't remember it. And Red Band on Twitter, if you want to just... Do you have your dates up on your iTunes or your Twitter page? Yeah, they're at tourdates.deathsquad.tv. Powerful Jay Oakerson.

I'm glad we could do it again. Thanks for having me. Hey, man, anytime you're in town, let me know. We'll hook it up. We'll keep doing it. Always a good time, my friend. Again, follow Big Jay Oakerson on Twitter, website. Bigjaycomedy.com.

Bigjaycomedy, you fucks. All right. Love you guys. Talk to you soon. Many, many more podcasts this week. See you. Bye-bye. Big kiss.