The Joe Rogan Experience - #653 - Natasha Leggero

Episode Date: May 27, 2015

Natasha Leggero is a comedian, known for her appearances on the Comedy Central Roasts of James Franco & Justin Bieber. Her new show "Another Period" premieres on Comedy Central June 23rd.

Natasha Leggero drinking healthy green juice. Eleven dollars, pressed juice. Look at you. Oh, I drink that stuff. That stuff is yummy. It's good for you. Look at you all healthy and shit. I mean... Doing yoga, drinking juice. I mean, I also smoke pot and drink and... Those are good things, though.

Do it all. Yeah, it's like, who said that Oliver Wilde, all things in moderation, including moderation? Oscar Wilde. Was it? Yes. Was him, right? Yes. said that? Oliver Wilde, all things in moderation, including moderation. Oscar Wilde. Was it? Yes. It was him, right? Did I say Oliver Wilde? Did I?

Yeah, but that was cute. It's 1130. My brain is useless until about 3 p.m. I made you come early. Did I say Oliver Wilde? Yeah, well, I've been up. I've been up. I got up early today.

You got kids. Yeah, kids, but I went to yoga class today. Oh, you went today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To Bikram? Yeah, 8 o'clock class. They have like 5 a.m. classes. I'm like, who is taking a 5 a.m. Bikram class?

Psychos. I know. I kind of want to go just to see who's in the class. Fucking weirdos. It's so intense at 11 that I'm like, who is getting up at 5 a.m. for a 90-minute class? And where I live, they pump up the heat too much. They have this sort of vibe of like they want to torture you. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. You know? Well, it's an ordeal. You're getting through an ordeal. It's way more difficult than anybody thinks it is. You drive by these little fucking boxes, these rooms, and nobody knows the kind of punishment that's going on in those places. Everybody thinks it's like a bunch of housewives like stretching and holding onto their toes.

You know, do they know that Bikram Chowdhury is raping his students and they're all getting $12 an hour to like teach us. They get like nothing to teach us. And he's like been, I think, accused of rape 17 times. Well, let's Google it. I think it's more than one. Certainly, that's an issue, right? I mean, if one person says, hey, Jamie, this sexual encounter we had was unpleasant for me.

I think you may be a rapist. I'm calling the fucking cops. There's some wiggle room there. Right, but when it's more than one. Cosby numbers. Yeah, those are big numbers. Those are big numbers. It's so hard to get 30 people to agree to lie.

Unless they're working for the CIA or something. How many people has he? Six. Oh, that's not bad. A new case was filed February 13th, bringing the total number of civil lawsuits. Civil lawsuits. What does that mean? What about criminal?

Okay, it says claims he raped her during a 2010 teacher training. Five other allegations span over two years, including another rape charge. It's always depressing when it's the people who are like the spiritual leaders. Well, it's super common. I know. I know. Well, anytime you try to repress things. But, I mean, he's allowed to have sex, right?

Yes. He's allowed to like. Right. I don't like it when men use their dicks as weapons. What about Pat Benatar? What does she use as a weapon? Sex as a weapon. See, I think it's different when women use it.

I'm sorry. I really do. Because men have the upper body strength, and they have this thing. They have upper body strength specifically? They have upper body strength. Look at you. And then you have this thing that gets hard. Right.

And then it inserts right into the woman as an act of violence. It's rude. It's very rude. It's different between like engulfing. Engulfing and penetrating are two completely different things. Right. Because the woman engulfs, but she can't, she's not the aggressor. She's receptive.

Right. If someone grabs your finger and starts sucking it, it's like, come on, man, what are you doing to my finger? It's not that big a deal. Right? But if someone grabs their finger and stuffs it in your mouth, you're like, whoa, that's kind of fucked up. It's different. Although there is female rape.

I watched a documentary on it. Oh, yeah, there is. It's like women. Whatever. You know what they do, though? They rape other women and they get on their face. So a woman will sit on another woman's face so she can't breathe and like get off. And I think that's what this I saw it on Netflix

Well female rape. I think we would have to look at each of those and on an individual basis I mean, I wouldn't want some woman to force her pussy on my face. That's what I'm saying But you know one aggressive lesbian the problem is I think there's probably some women that like a little of that Like there's probably some like look this all sorts of sexual appetites, and I think there's probably some women that like a little of that. Like, there's probably some, like, look, there's all sorts of sexual appetites. And I know there's guys. I know guys that like to be smacked around and tied up. Really? Yeah, I have a friend who likes doing that fucking weird shit.

Oh, yeah, I used to work for a dominatrix. I wasn't, like, working for her as a dominatrix, but she, I worked in her clothing store, and she was also a dominatrix. This German woman. And she would go piss on people. a dominatrix, but she, I worked in her clothing store and she was also a dominatrix, this German woman. And she would go piss on people. She would just like, it was so funny. And she had this crazy accent and she'd answer, you know, one line she was ordering, you know, fabric. And then the other line, she's like, what are you into?

Do you want me to jog around the block? You want my feet smelly? Like she, she always like, and then she had a guy who would like his thing. She would tell me about it all. She had a guy who, um, his thing, she would tell me about it all. She had a guy who, all he wanted to do, she had to wear white underwear, and he just wanted to use a flashlight and look up her skirt for like an hour. She would get paid so much. One time I went over to her house to get paid, and she had a man blindfolded on the floor, crawling,

and he was just smelling her boots while she was writing me a check. I mean, it never ended. It was so funny. But that's all voluntary me a check i mean it was it never ended it was so funny but that's all voluntary so that's where it gets weird it's like they're paying yeah they're paying and they want to do it it's like that's their thing it's like i i just did a girl who'd like to get choked that was her thing she so i didn't i don't like doing that i don't want well because you're so strong it's one thing when you ask some emo guy to choke you or some hipster dude. But when you ask some guy who clearly could strangle you. Well, that's what I do, too.

Choke me, but only with 10% of your strength. Not only that, I use good technique. I know what I'm doing. But I never wanted to connect those two things together. I'm not into sex violence. I think you could get into anything and when i was in high school i've talked about this before i had this girl that used to like rub my dick with her feet and i had a foot fetish for a little bit interesting just for a little bit like not nothing crazy but it lasted for a while because i think like i connected feet with sexuality for a while because of this one girl.

I think if you start choking people, that could happen. If you date someone who really likes that, and this girl used to say, choke me. I'm like, I'm not going to choke you. I'm like, I'm not going to do this. I can't do it. I'm not going to do it. Well, Joe, you just do it a little. She's like, choke me.

I'm not going to do it. Don't choke her like you're in the wrestling match. Choke her like, you know, just enough. Just enough. I mean, I don't need to teach you, but I'm just saying. Some girls like it too much. But my point being is that if you got into that and then you dated a girl who is not into it at all, and you start choking her, she'd be like, I can't be comfortable with you now

because I'm thinking you're going to fucking choke me. You know? Right, that's a good point. Do you know that guy that's getting accused of beating up women? He was a host of the CBC radio show. His name is John Gomeshi. Yes, I read about him. Yeah, he's...

What's amazing is this guy was like a feminist, allegedly. You know, Mr. Social Justice Warrior type guy. Talked really calmly like this. He was one of those guys who would talk about women's issues. Let's talk about women's issues. And just beat the fuck out of girls in his spare time. Like, allegedly, I should say. Allegedly.

But there's multiple counts. Yeah, you don't want to believe that Jimi Hendrix hit some girl with a telephone. Listen, we were talking about that before this show. She was telling me that Jimi Hendrix hit his wife. And I see, first of all, he was never married. And the only time Mr. Hendrix was ever in trouble was in goddamn Canada. And I told those fucking Canadians, if you want the good music, you got to let Jimi bring the heroin in. You can't be arresting him at the border.

He is hot. You like that? Yeah. I mean, he's just so cool and unique. There's never been anyone else like him. Since then, either. There's been a few guys that have kind of taken that vibe a little bit, but he was the If you say Lenny Kravitz, I'm leaving.

Lenny Kravitz. No. Oliver Wilde. I was going to say Gary Clark Jr. Is that right? I don't know who that is. Oh, how dare you? He's amazing.

He's actually really good, but he doesn't have that. He's got his own vibe, but he's just a really good guitarist, and he happens to be black. Since you know... Wait, so what was Jimmy's shelf life like? Was he he around for five years he wasn't around very long he died at 27 he was one of those 27 guys yeah you know there's a lot a lot of weird shit that's been going on lately where people have come out and said that he was killed his his girlfriend at the time who was with him when he died she jumped off of a building in Soho. And this guy who wrote this book, who was like a bodyguard or worked for Jimi Hendrix manager said that Jimi Hendrix was killed by his manager.

And so was the girlfriend because she knew too much. And it sounds like bullshit, but he was actually kidnapped. Jimi Hendrix was kidnapped for a couple of days and his manager is the one who got him free. And they said that what happened was Jimi was thinking, and his manager is the one who got him free. And they said that what happened was Jimmy was thinking about leaving his manager. So his manager had Jimmy kidnapped and then made it look like he was rescuing him. Do you believe that? Yeah. I mean, I don't and I do. So you would have someone killed who was like such an industry making you so much money?

If the guy was going to leave you and you had a life insurance policy against it. I mean, it is possible. That's pretty evil. Well, that's what everybody said that Suge Knight did. I mean, I don't think that's beyond the realm of possibility that people who are mean, evil, crazy fucks who make a lot of money off

artists like Jimi Hendrix, manager, allegedly did, would be willing to do that. I mean, there's always been organized crime ties to music and and To artists there's just so much money involved and having a guy like Hendrix with you if he's gonna leave you We got Phil Spector Remember that guy who shot that fucking woman? He was always in that like he was the guy that like produced the Beatles songs

And that guy was apparently always into putting guns in people's mouths Like that was his thing. That feels like a power thing that maybe he was like he just got too powerful. As opposed to being evil. I think it's pretty evil to shoot someone in the mouth. Yeah, that's true. I know. I see your point.

I could see it both ways. I could see it being a bullshit story that someone wrote long after Jimi Hendrix was dead. This guy decides to cash in. I'll just make some ridiculous claims And I'll make some money It's possible. You know this you know one knows no one knows other than the people involved. Do you think people are evil? What do you think I don't know I was thinking like yeah, I was thinking of like Tony Soprano. He's someone who you've seen Depicted like he would kill someone, right? But then he, like, they justify it all because they love their family and they pay for their family.

So I'm just thinking, like, they must defend their lives. I wonder how evil people defend their lives. I don't think they have to. I mean, how about King Jong-un? To themselves. Yeah, I know. The guy who just, he shot someone with an anti-aircraft gun. The story is that someone was, he was making a speech.

Some guy fell asleep during his speech, so he shot him with an anti-aircraft gun. Really? That was the story. I mean, obviously no one knows, but he definitely killed his uncle.

He killed his uncle and his uncle's sons so that his sons couldn't avenge his uncle because they were planning on some sort of a coup. So it's like a mobster vibe. Like they're just like, I'll kill people for my betterment.

Well, I mean, it's a dictator vibe. It's some Game of Thrones shit. I mean, that is exactly what's going on over there. Minus the dragons and the white walkers. I can't watch that show. I'm sorry. I'm the only one. There should be like a group for us.

What's the matter? Well, like Howard Kramer, he calls them make-em-ups. And that's kind of how I feel. Like I'm not, I can't, it can't hold my attention. What do you mean by make-em-ups? It's just like fantasy. Right. It's like, it doesn't appeal to me.

What do you like? I like documentaries. I like things based in reality. I like character-driven dramas. And I like funny comedies. Okay okay i don't like dragons no and people whose hands become machine guns i just can't get into it it speaks nothing to me of my life i can appreciate that okay but but you but you question whether or not people are evil. Oh, well, I mean, yeah. I guess I can't.

I'd like to question that in things that I can get with. I'm sure that Game of Thrones addresses these deeper issues if I were to be able to get past all the names and the fantasies. The nonsense. The nonsense. Winter lasting 10 years. I love it. Winter lasts 10 years. I love it. Winter lasts 10 years? Oh, yeah.

They don't know how many years it lasts. Maybe it's because I didn't have a childhood. I can't get into fantasy. You didn't have a childhood? I mean, I was just always, like, the mom. Oh. You know what I mean? So maybe I can't, like...

Always? Well, I was the oldest sister, so I took care of my brothers and my parents. It was not a fun childhood. So maybe I don't feel like my imagination or my ability to lose myself in fantasy has been stunted or something. Were your parents not paying attention, or they just needed your help? I mean, they were just working. And so then I was the mom. How much older are you than your siblings?

Like five years older. Oh, I see. So you were the one who's kind of responsible for keeping them in line? Kind of, I guess. I mean, it wasn't a terrible childhood, but it just wasn't fun. It wasn't fun?

I was just like looking at the clock like, let's wrap this up. So you were like a constant babysitter? Yeah. Oh, that's annoying. Like cooking and cleaning and like... Oh, fuck. Getting in trouble. Like, you like a constant babysitter? Yeah. Like cooking and cleaning and like getting in trouble. Like, you know, getting in trouble. Well, like not being, yeah. Like being ground. I was grounded a lot. For what? Climbing out the window. Trying to get some action.

Trying to get, I'd be juicing, you know, I need to get fucked. Climb out a window. Fuck some dude. Climb back in. Climb back in.. Buxom dude. Climb back in. Climb back in. Your mom's waiting for you, sitting on a chair at the corner of the bed. I'm so disappointed in you, Natasha. I mean, I think everyone had a bad childhood, though, pretty much. Anyone funny.

Yeah, like I remember listening to some Deepak Chopra thing, and he was like, imagine yourself as a child by the beach with your family. And it was just like one of the good times in your life. And I was like, oh, like to some people, like their childhood was this dreamland of like where they're safe and beautiful and everything, you know? Right. And I find that people like that, like that have these ideas of like childhood. They're the rare ones. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a gift. I mean, I hope if I have a a child i'm sure your children have this experience i'm sure when your children grow up they're going to be like remember when they took us to this amazing forest or that you know i'm sure you take your kids to like beautiful places right where they have experiences yeah i worry about that well they're coming they've come along great so far but i worry that like that might like they're not encountering any adversity like really well i mean they are i guess socially at school there's always like you know debbie But I worry that like that might like they're not encountering any adversity. Like, really?

Well, I mean, they are, I guess, socially at school. There's always like, you know, Debbie's a mean bitch. And she doesn't say bitch. But, you know, there's there's that kind of shit. You know, when you have like drama with kids. You have two daughters. Yeah. My friend has two daughters and one's really good at the piano and one can't play it. And she's and I was saying how good the one was.

She goes, you need to say the other one's just as good. Oh. And I was like, good the one was. She goes, you need to say the other one's just as good. Oh. And I was like, but she's not as good. I mean, I didn't say this, but it was like, wait, well, one of them has talent and one of them doesn't, but we tell all the kids that they all have the same amount of talent. Like, I specifically remember an art teacher telling me, maybe art isn't my thing. And it made me, like,

try harder and be more of an artist. She'd get fired now. Yeah, well well she's a cunt i know but it helped it helped create like drive in me but that's not a good way to do it like it worked with you successful yes it worked with you but it is an unusual set of circumstances you're independent you were already you had a lot of responsibility you realized you had to kind of pull yourself up by your bootstraps. So when presented with criticism like that, you kind of responded like, oh yeah, I'll fucking show you bitch. And then you went out and got good at art.

Whereas some people just would get really discouraged. Whereas someone could come along and say, you could be good at art, but this is what you're going to have to do if you really want to be good at it. And they could recognize that and then move forward in a positive way. That's what you should do, right? That would work on more people. That's a, right? That would work on more people. That's a good point. It would work on more people.

But see, it's like the things that work on some people don't work on other people. I had a shitty art teacher and I was a really good artist when I was a kid and my art teacher in high school was just so negative. Mine too. I think they're jealous sometimes or something. A lot of them are jealous

of youth and also natural talent natural talent yeah my guy was not very talented like he he would draw he would draw things like in class you know like we would all work on stuff and he would work on stuff and i remember looking at him there was this kid in my class i always wondered what happened to him because he was the most talented he He was more talented than me. His kid name, I think his name was John DeVore. And I always hoped that he had gone on to become a famous artist, but I'd never heard of him. I should probably look him up. But it was him that I always admired. And there was this kid, Kevin, who's in this class, who was really good too. And then I felt like I was like the third most talented, but we were all- That's pretty good though.

It wasn't bad, but I was pretty good. I was into comic book stuff. But we were all better than the teacher. And I'm not bullshitting. I'm being totally honest. Imagine if you were a public school teacher for art. It seems like that would be a pretty... I think either of us could go get that job right now. Well, I stopped when I was 15 or 16.

I think it was the last... My parents were really freaked out by it, too, because I didn't want to take art anymore. I was like, I don't want to do it anymore. I kept drawing on my own, but I completely stopped taking art classes. Like, this guy's just a fucking idiot. The classes were just, it was tedious, and the energy was like, he was just a really, he was probably depressed, you know? I mean, he had a pot belly.

I remember he had this, like, this gut. It was a depressing gut. Those are the worst. Like, you know, probably a drinking gut, you know? They, like, protrude. Like, they don't belong on the person. It's just gross. Yeah, well, he just had no energy, had no life.

And if you had life in you, he wanted to squash it. He wanted to throw wet blankets on whatever fire you had inside of you he wanted to squash it he wanted to throw wet blankets on whatever fire you had inside of you it's just he was really weird like i talked to the other two guys about it i remember specifically like this guy and the guy john who was the most talented guy i was like that was his attitude was like fuck this guy who cares he just you know kind of like raise his eyebrows whatever so do you worry that your children will encounter people like that at school yeah i'm sure they will i'm sure they will you know and I think that there's a I think as you're growing older You run into like a database of people you know you run it you have like a whole gamut a wide spectrum

And along that way you kind of could get to you learn lessons from the negative ones, too You learn like how never to talk to other people because you, you talk to someone talks to you in a way that like affects you. I can remember like negative things that people said to me when I was a little kid that stuck with me that I remember thinking, I'll never talk to a little kid like this. I'll never say that kind of shit to a little kid. Yeah.

And even as an adult, I remember I was, I was in college and my friend, I wanted to be an actress so bad. And my friend sat me down this guy and he was like, I have to talk to you. remember I was in college and my friend, I wanted to be an actress so bad. And my friend sat me down, this guy, and he was like, I have to talk to you. And I was like, yeah. This happened to me a couple times with men.

He was like, I just don't think you're going to be as successful as you want. And I think you need to think about that. A guy said that to you? Yes. A guy you were dating? No, just a friend. And then another guy I was dating said that. So I was like, I would never tell someone that. I would never sit someone down and say, I'm afraid your dreams aren't going to happen.

Can you imagine saying that to someone? No, I couldn't. But I can imagine why a guy would say that to you. And the reason why probably is like, you're very independent and strong. Like, you're very smart. And I think that's intimidating to a lot of guys. A lot of guys need a girl that needs them. And if a guy is around a girl and the girl seems like she could be fine without you,

there's a little too much power in this one. I must sap it. Oh, interesting. I didn't even think of that. Men do that to other men, too. Men do that to other men. In the open mic days, I remember there was a lot of that. There was a lot of guys telling other guys they weren't going to make it.

David Taylor. Oh, he's bad with that. He was always bad with that. But it's just, you know, Dave, I think he's just, you know, he's trying to work through his own stuff. Like a lot of folks are. You know? It's like working through your own stuff at the expense of other people is a sport. It's like, let's see if I could diminish this person. But men do it a lot to women. I think some women do it to men too. You know, some women will try to convince a guy to get a regular job because he's never going to, he's never going to make,

you know, look, I would never do that either. Well gonna he's never gonna make you know look i would never do that either well that's you so you're you're independent you raised your sister your brothers you know you you had to do your own thing childhood was a drag and you're like get me the fuck away from all these people i got this right that's your attitude you know and you're like i'm gonna be a fucking comedian and they're like listen Natasha, I think you need to come to grips with reality. That might not happen. Okay. I took an acting class once and it was really gross.

I had to take it because I got a development deal. I had this crazy development deal with Disney and they were writing a sitcom and I had zero acting experience. I was 25. Right. So it's like all of a sudden I have this whole fucking thing handed to me. It's completely ridiculous. And they give me this acting coach

and this lady's so negative. She's so negative and she's fat and she's tired. And one of the things she asked is if the show goes, she wants me to have them pitch her as my mom she's like if this show if this show goes i want you to pitch them that i i could play your mom and i remember being like what like she was terrible like we would read and when we would read she'd be like so fake you know like when you know like you learn as a comic that if you're if you're

saying something that someone doesn't connect with the shit does it doesn't work you know so like when you're doing when you're reading something like you you got to try to make that thing as real as this conversation is and she was not like that she was like Natasha I'm telling you right now this is not going to work like you know. It was just so corny and clunky. Well, it was for the Disney channel. It was actually for Fox. It was for Fox, but it was Disney had the development deal. So one day she said to me, she goes,

I'm worried that you're going to go out there and you're going to fail. That's what she said to me. And I go, why are you worried about that? Because I'm worried that you're going to go out there and you're going to fail. That's what she said to me. And I go, why are you worried about that? Because I'm not worried about that. I go, I'm not worried about that at all. Let's just do this. And I turned around the class. I go, look, I'm not worried about this at all.

You had that much strength at 25 to say that? I would have started bawling. I came from a different world. I came from the world of fighting you know so I had been competing in martial arts tournaments my whole life so like this lady telling me that I'm gonna fail at what acting what I'm gonna freak out when they say action the fuck out of here bitch the whole thing was so ridiculous to me but it was so obvious to me that she was trying to intimidate me and it was that she didn't like that I was too confident

she didn't like that I was cocky it was bothering bothering her. It's like, I'm worried that you're going to go out there and you're going to fail. I'm like, at acting? At this? This shit that I'm already better at you? Better at than you? It's ridiculous. And I'm not even good at it. And you're fucking teaching it. I'm terrible at it. And I'm better than you. And you teach it. So fuck off. But it was a clear feeling that she was trying to diminish me and i remember that is so scary i was just so scared if i had kids that that was gonna happen yeah but it's like you would maybe be scared because you didn't have a lot of time with your parents where they were encouraging you and helping you i'm around my kids all the time you are yeah

i spend like i spend full days like like every Tuesday is daddy-daughter day. We do shit all day. Yeah, yeah. Duncan said once, and I thought this was so smart, he said, the best karma you can have is being born into a good family. Yeah. And I thought that was really interesting because it's like, that is just a lucky, lucky person.

Because you're going to get all of the, you know, your kids are like, my friend Ricky and I figured this out. It's like your kids are like a second generation success. Like you did it yourself and now your kids are benefiting, you know, they're at the level that like Lena Dunham's going to, you know, like her parents were successful and got themselves out of it. And, you know, like you see these people who like, you're the first generation of someone who climbed out climbed out of the mud, or you're like the fourth generation, like your

grandma was working for civil rights, and then your parents were successful artists. And then now you're an artist. It's like, there's a generation thing where I think you benefit and you can get success earlier. Yeah, maybe. But I think it's also difficult because they didn't earn it themselves. Like I have a friend and his parents were very successful and he worked for his family business for a while. But he it always bothered him, even though he was doing well. He's like, I didn't earn any of this. Like, this is kind of freaks me out. Yeah.

But but look, I mean, there's so many famous people who have kids who are losers. It does take something. I mean, I think with them, it's neglect. But they just might not have the drive or the ambition. It's a little bit of that, but it's a lot of like, if there is a lot of, it happens with actors because they're working and they go away for months at a time.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I think, I think there's a lot of actors that are like really fucking self-obsessed and, and singers and celebrities where they're just, you know, if you're going to be fucking share or something like that, like really fucking self-obsessed and, and singers and celebrities where they're just, you know, if you're going to be fucking Cher or something like that, like good luck taking vacations, good luck having fun with your kids.

Like you're, you're, you're the CEO of an empire that is, you know, whoever the fuck you are, you know, fill in the blank with whatever superstar that, that requires everything you have. No, i knew someone who knew like barbara streisand's son and he wouldn't you know he'd had he'd have a play and she wouldn't show up and you know it's like how but i'm sure you can make it happen somehow right yeah i mean it requires a lot of communication you know i have a stepdaughter that's 18 really yeah i've been with her for

since she was little that's so funny you have all daughters yeah it is funny well because you're so like masculine you know that happens a lot a lot of fighters have um daughters it's like really really common i like that you consider yourself a fighter well i don't i don't feel like you're a comedian more than a fighter? No, I'm a human being, I think. But I do a lot of different stuff. But I'm just saying a lot of UFC fighters, a lot of them have daughters. They joke around about it, that it's like a fighter's curse.

A lot of them have daughters for some reason. Or a blessing. They don't go into that bloody field. It's wretched. I think it's a balanced thing. I think the universe gives you like this gift of a different type of human being to raise. And also the different perspective. Raising daughters to me has been very, very educational because raising them and being around them all the time, you kind of, you understand, first of all, that you're dealing with a completely different kind of human being. Than a man?

Yeah. Whereas when I was a kid, daughters or girls rather were always like, it was us and them. It was like boys and then there was girls and I don't know what the fuck, what are they wearing? Makeup and shoes and weird shit. Who fucking gets it? You know, you didn't get it. I mean, I had a sister, but I didn't understand them the way I understand them,

like having a wife and having daughters. Like, I kind of, I'm way, way more tuned in to that style of human being than I was when I was a young man. That style of human being. Well, that's what it is. It's a different kind of human being.

You know? I mean, you're a different kind of human being. You know? You're a different kind of human being than me. You know? I don't like make-em-ups. I don't like blood. I don't like... Make-em-ups. Well, you're unique in your own femininity, but a woman is a different kind of human.

And it takes a long time to sort of figure out the ins and the outs of that. I think it's probably really difficult for you to understand what goes on in a man's mind Just like it's really difficult for a man to understand what goes on in a woman's mind And when you see it from the time they're infants when the time when they're little babies It gives you more insight than growing up with your sister. You know growing up with my sister. I kind of love my sister She's awesome, and I love her to death, but she's my sister. She's not like a baby that I saw grow.

And so raising daughters has been insanely educational for me. And you care about them so much. It's a weird thing. You care about them. You don't care about them like you love them. You care about them like you love them more than you love your own life. It's real weird. More than you love your chihuahuas? I don't care about them like you love them you care about them like you love them more than you love your own life it's real weird more than you love your chihuahuas i don't have chihuahuas

but if i did yes yeah my friend eddie he had rabbits and that is different than a chihuahua well yes i guess but he had cats and he loves these animals he loves the shit out of them and his wife is pregnant and I said listen dude Once your baby's born you're gonna want to kill those fucking cats He's like no way no way I'm telling you I'm telling you you're not gonna give a fuck about those animals anymore You're gonna love your kids so much you're gonna laugh at the idea of how much you love these animals I mean you're not really gonna kill the animals, but is that true yes? mean, you're not really going to kill the animals, but... Is that true? Yes. Yeah, the shift is substantial. The level of love.

Like, you could leave your kid in a kennel for a weekend, right? I mean, your dog. You could leave your dog in a kennel for a weekend, go somewhere. You can't leave your kid. You can't leave your kid for an hour. You freak out. It's weird. It's a weird feeling. Yeah, the dogs just have this consistent thing they give back.

You know, like they're cute. They lay with you, but they don't really talk. They don't grow. It's just kind of like they just do their thing for 12 years and then they die. They don't have questions. Like my three-year-old, well, she's five now, but when she turned three, she started crying. And I go, what's the matter? She goes, I'm still little.

And I go, did you think that when you turn three that you would be bigger she goes yeah I go no it's a gradual because she's the youngest she thought she was just gonna get tall she thought like all of a sudden she'd be bigger oh yeah I mean it's like so cute but it's like that kind of thinking like mind expanding too it's like it's fascinating it's unbelievably fascinating it's It's like mind expanding too. It's fascinating. It's unbelievably fascinating. It's like, you know, it's not a chore. Like if I had to babysit someone's kid, it would be kind of a chore. But hanging out with my kids is not a chore at all. It's like I love it.

It's really fun. Like it doesn't seem like something like a man would love to do is hang out with little girls. But I love hanging out. We play all kinds of silly games, and we play kitchen. They have a little fake kitchen shed, and they make me fake food, and I pretend to eat it, and we joke around about stuff. It's a very different way of living life. Do you discipline them?

I don't discipline them like I don't beat them. Is that what you're asking me? Well, no, I'm just wondering, yeah, how do they get... Well, you have to explain to them what they're doing adversity yeah well that's i mean that's sort of educational i mean when they do something wrong you have to explain that they can't do that but you have to do it and one of the things that i always do is i always let them know that any any fuck up that they've had any mistake they make i've already done it i've already fucked up i fucked up way more than you like if you say fuck no i try not, I swear every now and then, but most of the time, no.

One time when my, uh, my daughter was three too, I've been taking them skiing since they're really little. Um, when she was three, uh, we were at the ski place and she forgot to pack her helmet and her suitcase. And, uh, you know, we're, we're getting ready to leave. And, uh, I go, oh, we didn't pack her helmet. And she looks at, we're getting ready to leave. And I go, oh, we didn't pack her helmet. And she looks at her luggage. She goes, shit. And then everyone laughs. No, my wife turned and looked at me like, oh, no.

Like, don't say anything. Because if you laugh, then they think it's hilarious. Right. And then they'll keep doing it. That's what Sarah Silverman said in her book, that she would get so much positive energy when she would swear. So then, like, that just created a comedian. But see, that created a comedian.

In a lot of ways, yeah. So it's interesting what's going to happen. I mean, I'm sure you're doing an amazing job with your kids. But from what I've seen with my friends, there's so much positive encouragement happening in this generation. Where it's like, I was talking to my friend's kids, and I was new york she goes can you not can you not say anything negative about new york i really want them to think of it as a vibrant city and like every what the fuck are you talking about every single thing and like i was like swimming with her and she's like make sure she does the breaststroke the right way i don't want her learning the wrong way and it's just i mean

this might be an extreme example but at the same time I think like, wow, this is just, and then those kids are going to give birth to cyborgs. Like, who are those people? What is your three-year-old or five-year-old's child going to be like? They're going to have implants in their brains. Well, I think that's going to happen already. Have you seen that implant that they came out with? They won't even know life

though, like how we know life. No, they won't. I mean, even kids that are teenagers today don't know life the way we know life, because we grew up without the Internet. I mean, I used to check my Internet at the video store, my email at the video store when I moved to L.A. I, like, didn't want to get a cell phone. I'd go to the video store.

How come you didn't want to? Well, it was, like, 12 years ago, because I've always been kind of anti-technology. I've never wanted TVs around me. No make-em-ups. No make-em-ups. I mean, I'm, you know, I like, uh, I like re- I used to like reading more, and

They have this new lens that they're gonna insert into people's eyes that'll give you three times the vision of 2020. It's insane. What does that mean? Have you seen that, Jamie? You can see far away. Pull that thing up. You're gonna be able to see in, like, way clearer, way further, way more detail than any human being can right now.

Wait, but what does that do, by the way? Because everyone's like, HD, it's so great, and it makes women look like shit. What about men? Or men, but what's it going to do for our skin? Is that going to make us look less attractive? That's what I wonder. Yes. I don't want that. We'll only meet in the dark.

I don't want to look at my husband's pores. You know? Are you scared of pores? No, but I just mean like, you know what there's going to be? I bet like little cartoon masks or something that we could put on our faces so that you can't even age.

Right. Like instead of makeup, you'll just wear a mask. Maybe. Well, there was another study recently that they found a way to like reverse aging in certain cells.

This is the optometrist claims to invent lens three times better than 20-20 vision. I wonder what it looks like in that, though. Yeah, who the fuck knows? Device is called Ocumetics Bionic Lens. He claims it allows you to see three times better than 20-20 vision without wearing contacts or glasses at all. So they think that macular degeneration is a thing of the past. In about 10 seconds, the lens unravels over your eye,

and your sight is immediately corrected. Well, I understand that if you've got bad eyesight, but just putting that in to, like, try to be a superhero. This is what it's going to be. So implanted in your eye during an eight-minute painless procedure similar to cataract surgery. It's folded like a taco and placed in the eye using a syringe filled with saline solution.

Wow. But here's the thing that's going to happen. There's going to be an anti-technology movement. And then there's going to be the people who want to do this. And then there's going to be the people who are like, like already I see's going to be the people who are like like already i see it in new york they're like advertising at these like cool hipster bars like no tv in here you know like it's like people want to go to these havens of like just socializing with people and and eating farm to table and and you know like there's all these like farm movements and i think there's going to be this kind of hopefully like a new 60s.

That's like another hippie movement against all of this technology. And I'm going to start it. You'll be a part of it. But there's a lot of bars and restaurants are into like metal and wood. And it makes it look like real rustic. Like the tables are like this table, you know, like brick walls, like people look like real rustic, like all the, like, like the tables are like this table, you know, like brick walls, like people into like real things as opposed to like plastics and, you know, and, and shiny, like, like different colored lights, like the inside of a Virgin mobile plane, you know? Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like that. But some people are super

into that way. Like people just want it. They, like, they want, they cannot wait. Like someone like Red Band or like someone, you know, it's like, he probably, like, I feel like every technology he's, like, absorbing and trying. And, I mean, there's, like, that extreme kind of person. Right, but look at him. He's a mess. That's why I picked him. No, I'm just kidding, honey. But he's funny and silly.

No, he's great. He's awesome. But he's at, like, cutting edge of technology. Yeah, he loves it. And there's a lot of people like that. Yes. They get inspired. No, he's great. He's awesome. But he's at the cutting edge of technology. Yeah, he loves it. And there's a lot of people like that. Yes. They get inspired by it. Well, I'm like that in a lot of ways.

I love technology. Yeah, most people around me are like that. I just find human innovation fascinating. I think the idea of human innovation, I just think it's an unstoppable process, I think. I think unless we get wiped out, unless something horrible happens to the human race, it's inevitable. We're just going to continue to innovate. And I extrapolate it. I take it really far.

I think about it all the time, like what exactly is happening. I think we are giving birth to a new type of life. We are, but here's the thing. I was just reading this really interesting article in The Week, and they were saying innovation has stopped in the sense of like there used to be like more money put towards cancer research and going to space and now everyone the only innovations that are happening are with the phone it's all about the phone it's but it is in a way like all we care about is our phones and and how fast they're moving and what they can get us and the gps and what they're going to project into our brains and into our lives and i feel the phone is an intimate attachment for

sure, but it's absolutely not true that that's the only innovation. Have you seen Oculus Rift? You're aware of that? But that still has to do... Yes, I've tried it. It's amazing. But it still has to do with like, it's like a video game basically. Right. But that has nothing to do with your phone. Well, it's part of that realm. Well, that's the realm of artificial reality. Simulated reality is the future. But what about curing cancer? There's a lot of work being done on that. A lot of innovation being done on curing cancer, a lot of innovation on all sorts of diseases. I mean, medical innovation has probably never been higher. I think throughout the full

range of things that people are interested in, innovation is accelerating. I just don't agree with that at all. People are always looking to get negative and poo-poo and try to define where things are growing and not growing, because it makes them look like they're smart for pointing it out. But I don't buy it. I think it's a human characteristic, a human trait that's inherent to the monkey mind that they want to figure things out. And they build on all the things that have been figured out before them. And it's inevitable. It just continues and goes and moves forward.

I mean, I had this guy in Aubrey de Grey recently who is this life extension guy from, he was originally, where was he? It's Columbia, and now he runs this separate, Oxford? It's a major university, but now he runs this organization that is dedicated to finding the best and brightest minds that are involved in life extension technologies and the way genes express themselves. I mean, there's all sorts of crazy work that's being done right now in artificial intelligence.

And who's funding that? Different people. I mean, they're actively trying to recruit people to donate money. I mean, that's one of the reasons why I came on this podcast to promote his cause and try to get people to donate money to this. Weren't these things, and you might know more about this than I do, didn't these things used to be funded by institutions? Like, wasn't Apple funded by some college? No, Apple was a private institution.

I mean, I'm sure they've probably gotten some money. I mean, they've probably gotten some money from some people, but no, it's a privately funded institution. But you know what? There's a lot of money in the private sector. Like, that's one of the criticisms about, like, the space program. Like, the space program has kind of fallen off because the government doesn't want to fund it. So then Elon Musk comes along and this SpaceX thing, and there's all sorts of— there was something that just came out today about Elon Musk and SpaceX.

Will you explain what SpaceX is? I don't know. Well, they're trying to develop privately funded space exploration. Whoa. Yeah, and the idea being is that you look at all the innovation that's gone on in this country, whether it's the invention of airplanes, you know, the better. That was another thing they mentioned. They said airplanes, you used to be able to go in three hours, and then what happened to that?

That was 25 years ago. Why haven't we built on that technology? What do you mean, like supersonic jets? The Concorde. Didn't that go to like, in three hours you could be in New York? Too many rich people died. People were dying from that? Oh, yeah.

That's one of the reasons it shut down. Really rich people fucking got toasted on the runway. But they didn't continue the innovation. I would love to get somewhere in two hours and not have to have it take... To get to Rome, it's like 18 hours. It's fucking dangerous. Really? You're going fast as shit.

Right. And you're dealing with the same kind of metals. I mean, unless they innovate and come up with different metals and and make things much more difficult elon musk space x is about to tap it huge market a new spaceship how fast does that go that guy is such a freak imagine being around him who is he i don't even understand he's like he's an alien so his is he does he come from some mars of money? Mostly Mars. Like someone like that. They must come from family money. Why do you say that? No, because he was broke just a few years back.

Yeah, they were. I mean, he was trying to get funding for SpaceX at the same time he was working on Tesla. And he was trying to figure out whether or not he should abandon one of the projects. But so he just did investments or something? I don't know. You know, I don't know. I'd be talking out of my ass. But I don't believe he came from money. Did he come from? I don't know. How old is know. I'd be talking out of my ass. But I don't believe he came from money.

Did he come from? I don't know. How old is this dude? He's not that old. I think he's like 40 or something. And so he is. So isn't Richard Branson trying to do that too? Yeah, Virgin.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's funding a lot of different things. But one of their jets just blew up. They had one that they were, this like prototype that they were using, and it just crashed and people died, and it's a big disaster. Will you go there? Would you go in one of those? I'm not going to be an early adopter.

That's for fucking sure. No. I mean, I- I bet Red Band would get into a, you don't think? No, he wouldn't. He'll be the first to try on the virtual space helmet. You know, he'll be the first to get one of the implants, but I don't think? No, he wouldn't. He'll be the first to try on the virtual space helmet. You know, he'll be the first to get one of the implants. But I don't have any desire to leave this planet.

I just think that's foolhardy. He made his money with PayPal. PayPal. Oh, that's right. Yeah. He created PayPal? He created PayPal. Part of that, yeah.

Wow. Yeah. So he's just an innovator. How old is he? Yeah, I'm 43. 43. Oh, I just guessed. 71.

71. There you go. He's just a fucking genius. He's Iron Man. He's basically Tony Stark, but not quite as cunty. Yeah, I mean. That is funny, that desire to go to Mars. They could suck it.

Those people are idiots. What's going to happen up there? It would be terrible. I have a whole bit about it in my act. I don't want to start spewing out my jokes. I do like your stuff about aliens and uh you know life on other planets i feel like you always kind of can connect on these larger topics in a way that i don't think i've ever seen anyone do really i mean have you ever seen people captivate an audience talking like where you'll have silence for you know while

you're explaining and everyone's listening and then it'll end in laughs. Yeah, it's really cool. Well, thanks. I mean, I've never seen anyone do that. Well, it's just things that I'm interested in. If you're, if, if, if, it's not something I think, especially with stand-up, you have to really care about what you're talking about. It's the number one thing. care about what you're talking about. It's the number one thing. And when you start going through the motions, like what is sadder, if anything, than an old comic that's been doing the same

material for 15 years? You know, those guys that you'll occasionally see at the store, you know, they get that 12, 15 spot and you watch that same act that you've seen, like maybe you saw on MTV half hour comedy hour 20 years ago or something. I mean, I'm not joking. There's a lot of those guys. And they don't care about the material anymore. There's no attachment to it anymore. This is like this. They just care about that $16.

They're making it the comedy show. Why are they doing it? They just want to keep doing it because they don't want to admit they don't do it anymore. But that happens to a lot of guys. They just stop. They just stop being relevant. They stop caring. And that's the worst aspect but the best aspect of comedy is when someone is talking about some shit that they really think about that really means something to them and

That's that's when the audience connects with it So I think stand-up in some weird form in some weird way is kind of like a form of mass hypnosis I think it operates on the very similar level because Because you know this. Like, I've seen you on stage when you're killing, right? And when you're killing, right, when you're locked in and everyone's laughing, and you're hitting every pause right, and you have

and you're locked in everyone's response, those people are thinking the way you're thinking. Like, you're guiding them. Like, I've watched you on stage specifically do this. You're just saying that because I complimented you.

No, I saw you the other night. You were at the store. You were killing. But you know what I'm saying? Like, when you're in that mode... Right, that's an interesting idea that they're now with you. Yeah.

And they agree with you or they're in your mind. Well, okay. The other night, when you were at the store and you were talking about the armenian genocide and that fucking guy in the audience oh right yeah he was like uh you're racist it was just an uber joke yeah it was a joke about learning about the armenian genocide because you got an uber driver with an armenian he was fucking lecturing you. Exactly. Yes, it was funny. But it was the way you handled it,

the way you led the whole audience along. Everybody was with you. The reason why everybody was with you is because you were locked into this subject. You were locked into this idea. And I knew it was true. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah.

But you know what I'm saying? This wasn't anything casual. This wasn't anything that you really didn't give a fuck about like in that moment I was with you the whole audience was with you were like locked into your mind Like I think that's what when when someone's killing on stage They might you might as well be getting them to quit smoking You might as well be getting that audience to lose weight or just stop beating their dog or whatever the fuck you're trying to get Hypnotized, but how do you get into that hypnosis?

It's hard. Yeah. How do you? Because like, didn't Chris Rock say you have to be like part preacher? A little bit. Well, his style is very much preacher. You know, Sam Kennison obviously was a preacher. He was?

He was? Oh, you didn't know? No. His license plate on his HBO special said X Rev on his Corvette. That's cool. Yeah, yeah. And that was his, you know, that was his thing. I wonder if there's tricks that you can do to lock in, to get into that.

Well, one thing I think you can do is really try to feel it. Like, I've definitely felt how I can turn around a set where I'm like, this is going through the motions, they're not connecting, and it's a long set on the road, so I'm like, I have 40 more minutes left. You know? So then it's like,

oh, well, maybe I can, in the middle of this, try to start feeling what I'm saying for the first time. I think that can maybe help a little bit to really,

like, almost like an acting exercise. Like, because sometimes you'll say the words and you're not even thinking about what they mean you can't do that it happened i mean two shows on a saturday and two shows on a friday it's like i don't even know what's coming out of my mouth half the time and i can't tell you how many times on my second show i'm like i'm talking and while i'm talking i'm looking at people i'm looking at people's faces to see if i've done this

joke already in this set because i am all over the place and I don't have an order sometimes. Right. So then how can you, I just can't, I can't keep track of it. I always write set lists. I need to start doing that. Even if I don't use a set list, at least I write it out. So that you know if you've, like an order, like this doesn't go up top. But I'll fuck around sometimes and I'll just decide to do my closing bit first.

But then how do you know the clothes? Yeah, you gotta be careful But yeah I just I think that at least my style of comedy is I Like to just go with wherever my brain wants to go and if my brain like if I start talking about something and something comes Up and then my closing bit is appropriate at that moment Yeah, I just go with it. And then how are you going to close the show? I close with another bit. You know, the idea is to get a bit that's so, get

any bit that's so strong you can close with it. And if not... All your bits should be like that. Yeah, all your bits should be like to a point where they aren't always, like you gotta build them. Like there's a lot of, like I abandoned my act in November because that's when my new Comedy Central special came out.

This past November? Yes. So all the stuff from November to now is all completely new. You don't even pick one of those things to close at a club? They're dead. They're dead to me. Oh, man. I abandoned those.

Too much pressure. What is this one comedy special? Chris D'Elia is on a second comedy special this year. It's too much. It's too much for me to keep up with. Well, he did his last one over a year ago. I'm just saying. I'm filming mine in three weeks

and some of the jokes are like, you know, two years old, but I'm like so sick of them now. See? That's what you gotta avoid. I know. I'm like, how am I gonna find in one week, nine days, how am I gonna find this energy to make it feel fresh for my taping?

It's so hard. No, I'm not gonna smoke pot. Then I'm definitely not gonna know if I've done it before. That helps you? Is that one of the tricks to get into that hypnosis? Yeah. Yeah, it gets you in the groove it makes me very sensitive like almost paranoid but you're you're of the mind of doing it before you go to not after both i like both i like pot i do too it works great for my personality

yeah that's what my therapist said because i was like i think i think I might smoke, you know, maybe I shouldn't smoke pot. And he was like, no, you're chill. It makes you more chill. It's totally fine. Like, you have the right vibe for it. If you enjoy it, I just think it can be tricky.

It can definitely fuck with you. And if you're one of those people that's like really impulsive or really, you have addictive tendencies and you like to do things a little bit too much. Yeah, it could be a problem.

Like, I know people that just smoke pot all day, every day, which I don't recommend. I take big, long breaks. You know, I like to say... When you say breaks, you mean breaks in the day? No, I mean, like, weeks. I like to take, like, a week off, two weeks off. And then when I go back to it, I appreciate it more. I don't like doing anything all the time.

Like, I take, I'll take breaks off working out. I'll take breaks off of everything. I think it's important. I take breaks off stand-up. Like, sometimes I'm like, I need a fucking week off. I'm just taking a week off. I'm not doing shit this week. I'm not calling in for spots.

I'm not doing shit. I like doing that. What about your phone that has the constant information coming through? We need you in this that respond emails it's just getting like more and more I'm notoriously difficult to get a hold of like my manager they're always laughing about I'm the one client that will just abandon my phone like they like most people are constantly calling constantly like what's going on with this what's going on with that I'm the

total opposite like they can't even find me like i vanish i shut my phone off and i just don't i don't respond because i feel like if you have fuck you money and you don't say fuck you you don't deserve fuck you money like what are you doing with that money you freaking out all the time why don't you just say fuck you or just chill just chill gotta get that money. Yeah. You gotta enjoy the whole process. And part of enjoying the whole process is enjoying the moment. Like all the moments. Like I like doing, like we were talking about yoga. I like doing yoga.

I like doing archery. I like going and shooting arrows at targets. It's exciting. It's fun. I like doing different shit. That's why I like doing jujitsu. That's why I like doing Muay's fun i like doing different shit that's why i like doing jujitsu that's why i like doing i like doing muay thai i like doing weird shit i like doing things and i think that you get locked into one thing for too long i think it limits you it limits your your

point of references limits your mind like there's certain people that like all they give a fuck about is like say golf that's all they care about they're like you'll see them like fake golf swimming swinging during the day like i don't think that's as an artist especially i hate golf i think it's like a problem i think it's the worst aesthetic i think it ruins hotels i think it's ruins hotels it's just like if whenever i go to a hotel that is like golf like centered around golf i don't want to be there it's like old white republicans walking around. They all look crusty in their pastels. And they just seem like they drink too much and have bad senses of humor.

I just think it's an ugly aesthetic. And it's terrible for the environment to keep those golf courses green. It is in California. In Seattle, it's really not that big a deal. Right. But in California, yeah. It's not cool. They're so conservative.

I just hate it. There's a lot of conservative people's not cool. They're so conservative. I just hate that. There's a lot of conservative people that play golf. It's a business thing. A lot of guys who play golf, they do a lot of business meetings on the golf course, and it gets them away from women because they get out there by themselves, all a bunch of guys. They drink beer, and they talk shit, and they whack balls around because I think a lot of people are massively suppressed by office environments, and they just balls around. Because I think a lot of people are massively suppressed by office environments.

And they just seek out any possible way that they can be themselves. It's a valve for a lot of men. No, I was thinking about, because I'm so stressed out about my special, which I'm taping in a week, and I'm like, all I care about is it being over. I just want it to be over. Don't think like that. And then I'm like, as soon as the special's done, I'm going to have something else I have to focus on. So if my whole life is like, God, I hope this is over soon.

It's like, that's no way to live. Yeah, but the pressure is overwhelming, like as a comic, especially because you are the writer, the producer, the creator, and the performer. There's a lot of shit going on. When you get on that stage nine days from now and do it, the weight of your world is completely on your shoulders. It's very different than any other style of performing. It's different than music because you have a backup band. It's different than sitcom because there's writers and directors. There's a lot of shit going on.

You're responsible for it totally. And that wears on people. And a lot of times what wears on people is the way you look at it and the way you approach it and I've been on both sides I've been where I felt great and I felt like really loose and comfortable and not worried about it at all and then I've also been in a place where I was like really fucking stressed out about it you know I've been I've been in both places and I think a lot of it is my appreciation for the process. I think when I appreciate the process and when I look at it the

right way, which I've kind of like cultivated over the last decade or so of my life, that when I really, really appreciate it, then it's all fun. And even though there's like pressure and stress, it's fun and I enjoy it. When you say what do you mean exactly like just the fact that you've been able to like think of these jokes and write them and perform them and people love them well the whole process of creating a set i mean creating a bit you know it is cool how it works because it's like you'll see this bit and it's like wait did this really happen to me you're like wait this did happen like this this this girl was a bitch and then i thought of this, and then it turned into this, and then I added this to it, and then, you know,

made it connect with this bit. It's like, yeah, so it is collaborative, and, you know, you're collaborating with your life to, like, make these things. I had a freaky fucking nightmare last night that I'm just now remembering. And in the nightmare, I woke up in the morning to take a leak, and as I woke up, I woke up, like, with it, like, I woke up at, like, 5.30, and with this nightmare i woke up in the morning to take a leak and as i woke up i woke

up like with it like i woke up at like 5 30 and with this nightmare in my head it was like a weird nightmare where i could not remember whether or not i had committed a crime and i was trying to remember whether or not it was a dream or it was an actual crime that i had committed and that was the nightmare the nightmare was that i had like like, I was really confused. Like, did I do something fucked up? Or is this bullshit? Is this a dream? And then I woke up and I was like, wait a minute, this is a dream that I dreamed that I did something fucked up. Or I was confused. It was really weird. So scary. Yeah, it was really weird. But I don't know how it relates.

But the idea, I think one of the ways it relates is like when you're putting together a bit, it's almost like it's not even you doing it. It's almost like when I'm on stage and I'm really in the groove and sometimes a line, like a tag will come out of fucking nowhere. And it's the perfect tag. And then you go, did I just write that mine yeah yeah out of nowhere and the only way that works is if you allow yourself to go into these fucking weird places while you're on stage and you go down dark alleys and sometimes there's no fucking way out and it doesn't work and you gotta you gotta talk your way out of that alley you

gotta figure out how to put it back together again but that's what i'm talking like that's the process the process is uncertainty it's confusion it's like and then finally a finished thing and you can only hold on to that finished thing for it's like a sandcastle like you build it it's beautiful but the fucking water's coming, bitch. The water's coming. And you got to accept that. And people are like, I want to turn it into cement and keep it forever. And I want to live in it. You can't live in it. You can't live in it.

But you shouldn't be afraid of like, what if I bring a whole bunch of people to see you and I love one of your alien bits? And I'm like, yeah, Wadey does this part. And then you're doing all new stuff. It's like, why can't you bring a few people like that? doing all new stuff. It's like, why can't you bring a few people like that? I think that idea that, like, nobody wants anything that has already been pre-released or recorded. Everything must be new all the time.

Well, I don't think everything needs to be new all the time, but my stuff has a cycle, at least for me. I do my best work when it has a cycle, because I feel like if I'm working on a, if I'm doing an old bit that's already done, nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with it. But I feel like at a certain point in time, that's taking away from creating a new bit. It's taking away from making a new bit as good as those old bits. And that energy that I'll put into that old bit, it's, you know, especially if I'm doing it all the time or even adding new tags to it,

I could be adding new stuff to a new bit. I could be making a new bit as good as one of my old bits. So that's just my—the way it's good for me is if I'm constantly updating. I give myself like a year and a half, and then I'm moving on. Like a year and a half, and then I have i'm moving on like a year and a half and then i have to film it how many specials have you done let me see um one two three four five damn six seven you're prolific you have a lot of energy. Eight? Seven or eight. I'm trying to figure out. I was watching this documentary

on, like, folk music, and it was... But someone was saying... Don't laugh. Folk music's hilarious. Jimi Hendrix isn't that far from folk. Yes, he is. I mean, he's rock and roll, but, like, he came from that era of, like,

hippies anyway. Yeah, he definitely came from hippies. He's got some like... You know why? Because he likes white pussy. That's what was up with that. There's only one way. You've got to find the hippies.

I mean, he has a whole album of low-key... Little Wing. Yeah, sure. Castles in the Sand. It's not all like electronic or electric insanity. No, you're definitely right. But anyway, so I'm watching this documentary and it was some folk artist was saying like your first albums, you know, easy, but your second album, that's how they can tell what

you're made of. Cause your first album is like 10 years of struggle. 10 years. This is what I've had to say for the last decade. And now it's finally coming out. Whereas like, it's a hit your second album. Here's a year. Here's what I can come up with. You know, it's, it's finally coming out whereas like it's a hit your second album here's a year here's what i can come up with you know it's it's not as it's it's like it's it's just harder yeah my first cd i did was in 1999 and i started comedy in 88 right so that's like a whole yeah so much of you that you've been you know and i did my next one a year later

and that was kind of weird. And it's also hard to stay funny a year later. Was it just as good? I don't know. I'm not sure. I think they all suck now. You know, when I go back and listen to my old stuff, I hate it. Really?

Yeah, I can't listen to my old stuff. Until about 2006. Like, Shiny Happy Jihad. That was my 2006 Comedy Central special or Comedy Central CD. I still like that. Is that around the REM Shiny Happy People time? No, that was earlier than that. Shiny Happy Jihad was right around.

It was after September 11th. It was a couple years later. There was the suicide bomber talk. And I had all this Islamic radical material about them blowing themselves up for pussy in another dimension it was your political comedian not really no no I'm not really political at all but I think it's a it's a bad hustle like to like like I have friends that are Democrats and they'll talk about like we they'll say like you know we got to win this election because

we what the fuck are you talking about what is this we, like, you know, we got to win this election because we what is this? What the fuck are you talking about? What is this? We shit white man. You know, it doesn't make any sense to me. Like, I think the politics in this country are so corrupt. It's so stupid. It's so unfixable. Oh, what about the songs you're going to play me?

Come on, you have to play them. I will. Let's do it right now. I don't believe in politics. I mean, I don't believe in Republican, Democrat. I mean, it just seems silly. I would say that I would rather vote for a female criminal than a male criminal. So I would probably vote for Hillary.

Really? Why is that? Just because I think that women... For balance? I would like women to have power. Why is that? Why? Because you're one of them?

Because I'm a woman and I feel like, you know, we still can't get abortions. Like all these new abortion restrictions have just been introduced are brand new they're in effect in November and I just feel like this has already been taken care of and the men are bringing it back up and it's it's just a way to women bringing that back up to unfortunately religious thing yeah there's a lot of I mean you go to those pro-choice child I mean I just don't even understand well not sperm you know okay well whatever like the embryo is the second the sperm hits me it's like I It's not a child. I mean, I just don't even understand. Well, not a sperm. You know. Okay, well, whatever. Like, the embryo is the second the sperm hits me.

It's like, I just don't understand how that is a life that we need to worry about. Well, no. I mean, I completely agree with you. It does not make any sense. It does. And it's in my body. Yeah. So it's like, if it was in a man's body, it would be totally different, I think.

Well, yeah, I have a joke about that, too. Oh, yeah? What is it? I'll tell you off the air. Tell me! If babies came out of dudes' dicks, there'd be four people on the planet and abortion would be an app on your phone. Right, right. It really probably would be, right?

But see, that's political without being like, we Democrats, we Republicans. Well, it's just the nature of what it is is people worried about babies, right? And then like worried about life and worried about like the religious idea of procreating and, and yeah. But as soon as it comes out of our bodies, they can like pay at minimum wage or take away its health insurance or send it off to war. It's like, they just care about it as an embryo. It makes no sense.

And the fact that that women have to wait 72 hours to have an abortion in Oklahoma now and zero hours to buy a gun. And the fact that women have to go across the state lines. Well, there's a federal thing for seven days for firearms. You can't just buy a gun. There's a federal seven-day wait period. Seven days versus, all right, well, that's actually longer. But still. I think there's a real problem with anybody telling someone what they can and can't do with their body.

With their body. But there's also a real problem when abortions get later. Like when you're talking about late-term abortions, things get really weird when you're talking about four, five, six months. I know a woman who got an abortion at six months. She had to go to some secret—it was in New York. There's very few doctors that were willing to do it. Her and her boyfriend were fighting over it. They were poor and she was pregnant.

She wanted to keep the baby. And I mean, it was like more than five months. So she wanted to keep it. He didn't. Yeah. But see, the thing is giving birth to a child like that in that circumstance,

that is not the kind of child that you're raising right now. Your kid is being infused with love and attention and positivity and it's like they're they're already fighting before the kid is like born it's like that is not going to be a positive environment maybe we're overpopulated no you make some good points and I think the good point the counter to play devil's advocate would be that or God's advocate would be that, or God's advocate, would be that, you know, that kid could go to a happy family that was looking to adopt and have a wonderful life. Or maybe it won't. Or maybe it'll end up, you know, addicted to drugs.

It's like, it's not alive yet. You're right. It's just not. But it could exist outside the womb. And that's when things get weird. Late term abortions are really weird. But she got it. Yeah, she did.

But she didn't want to get it. No, she didn't. No, and they actually wound up having kids after that, which is really weird. That is really dark. And he loves his kids. He didn't have kids before then, and then he loves his kids now. It's very strange. That's dark.

It's very dark. But that is the gray area that is life. You know, life is weird. It's not as simple, cut and dry when people argue one side or the other. And especially if they ignore the positives or the negatives that the other side's presenting. People love to have absolutes. They love to have, I'm right, you're wrong. They love to have, this is the right way, this is the wrong way. This is what God wants. I mean, I guess that's what I'm saying, that I'm right but like i feel like i'm right in the sense that it's up to people to choose what they want to do with their

bodies and themselves and if they want to get on drugs or if they want to have an abortion like don't make people raise children which is probably one of the hardest things to do i've never done it but it must be so challenging and you have money i have money like imagine doing it with no money it just seems like to force someone to do that and make it almost impossible for them to get rid of their when a man has been the one who like did it to them anyway it just seems crazy to me well they did it together hopefully no i know i know but anyway i would rather have a female in charge because i feel right now if you do not believe that women are equal to men which a lot of a lot of these middle eastern countries don't believe that it's like that is

You're part of the problem of keeping people back Well, there certainly should be equality when it comes to laws and there certainly should be equality when it comes to the way we treat Each other but we also should accept the fact that we're just fucking completely different, you know and just leave people alone Let them do whatever the fuck they want to do and anybody that thinks that a woman Who's pregnant for 40 hours or you know you find out you know I'm saying you just find out you're pregnant You got pregnant two days ago, and that you shouldn't be able to stop that Oh, what are you talking about like three cells like what are we talking about? We're talking about a cluster that fits in the end of this stir

I mean I mean, right? I don't know everyone's specific beliefs. I just know that a lot of new restrictions. In the New York Times last Sunday, they had a map full of all the new restrictions. And, like, now in five states, you have to wait 72 hours. In 10 more states, there's two follow-up visits before you can get the abortion. So you have to start doing counseling. You have to drive two hours to do counseling appointments.

It's like, if you know you don't want the baby, why do you have to go do counseling? It's just... I think they're looking at it, and this is obviously... There's got to be a religious perspective, right? It has to be. But I think they're looking at it and not looking at it like a person like you. They're looking at it as a person that is lost and confused and they're gonna give them guidance and that's all the way a lot of like really fundamental religious

people especially Christians and that's the way a lot of people feel like like this person just needs to be taken in we just take them into the Lord's arms and show them what they're doing is wrong. You have a baby inside your body. It's the most precious gift the world can give you. And you're just going to have that baby killed. What if you went around to everyone you saw and you were like, you've got to smoke pot. You've got to do jiu-jitsu.

You've got to do everything I do. Just do it. It'll make you feel better. Do it. Do it. That is what I do. You're exposing the secret. You don't stand outside sports locker.

No, I broadcast it to 14 million people a month. But you don't like passionately feel that everyone has to do what you do. No, no, I really don't. It's their choice. It's like it doesn't, it's like do it for you. But this, yeah. Well, I'm a big believer in let people do whatever the fuck they want to do as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else. And I think you are too.

And I think that the real problem that people have with abortion is they think that there's another person involved and it's not as simple as like i should be able to smoke pot or i should be able to they think who's who's standing up for that little baby inside your body when do these people care about people so much it's like that's where you have that much compassion for a cluster of cells that can fit on a fucking coffee stirrer. But you don't give a fuck about war. War or the minimum wage or making sure that kids get great education. Are these people just like donating all their time and money to help living people? It's so stupid.

How many of these people that are anti-abortion are pro, let's go to Baltimore and clean up the city. Exactly. Let's help these people that are in like really low income environments that are filled with crime and let's give them a way out. Yeah. It's like, oh, these people have such overactive empathy. They just they just want to help everything, even the clusters of cells that are living inside of poor strangers bodies.

It's it's it's such a stupid way to direct their religious fervor. But isn't it fascinating? Because isn't that part of what a person is? We're just a bundle of contradictions, where it's so hard to be objective and logical about every single aspect of your life. And that people will sometimes think that they're doing good. And at the same time, promote shit that's terrible and awful. You know, there's a lot of people that are like, I'm sure that were like pro-life and anti-abortion that didn't give a fuck about that guy that got shot in Ferguson. Right.

You know, there's a lot of people that think that you should execute prisoners, you know, for a variety of different things. They believe in the three strikes law. You know how easy it would be to commit three felonies if you lived in Compton? If you were born in Englewood to a family filled with violence, you want to lock that person up for the rest of their life by the time they're 18 because they already have three felonies? Yeah, they didn't get the opportunities.

That is so fucked up. I would love to see a pro-life movement that just started like really trying to help lives that are already like functioning Why not that be the pro-life movement? Yeah, the real unborn babies in people who don't want them. Yeah, them stomachs them Yeah, the real pro-life movement is like helping the lives that are there not turn into murderers or not turn into a disaster. Yeah, I mean, we're fucked up. Are all these Republicans that are running, do they all believe in abortion? Or do they all believe that there should be no abortion? You can't get through.

You can't get through unless you're pro-life. There's no way. Oh, really? Yeah, you can't get through the maze. I've never even heard of a successful Republican that gets to the end of the line. Really? That gets the backing of the religious right. I mean, there might be one.

People could prove me wrong, but that's pretty much a ten. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger or something. But they're probably like libertarians. Yeah, there's probably a few rare, like maybe that Rand Paul guy believes in pro-choice. But yeah, it's a religious thing for a lot. I mean, it happened with Reagan. But, yeah, it's a religious thing for a lot. I mean, it happened with Reagan.

I mean, that's really, Reagan was the first Republican to court those, like, really radical religious people because they realized back then that there's a lot of power in that movement. The political power that you get from having a Christian right on your side, you know, there's so much organizing and there's so much power behind that. People that are just like, ah, I don't give a fuck. Those people don't organize. those people don't get together the people that are like leave people alone let them do whatever the fuck they want to do a lot of those folks don't have the the drive to get off the couch and go out and organize and make sure that their views are expressed evenly across the board but like people when people get really religious and they think that god's involved in their choices there's a lot of people that especially christianity there is this

recruiting aspect to that religion that you don't see in buddhism you don't see in judaism you don't see really anywhere but christianity or maybe you'd see it in some of the middle eastern religions i don't know well islam doesn't recruit, but they promote the fact that they're the perfect religion. They let people join. But Judaism is fucking hard to join. I know. You've got to ask three times.

You've got to take like... My uncle did it. Yeah? Yeah, my uncle married a Jewish woman and he had to go through the whole deal. He had to go to Hebrew school. I was like, what are you doing, man?

But I like Judaism. Why? Because it's more... Well, I was raised Catholic and Judaism is more open to, like, intellectual discourse and asking questions and having the questions thought about and talked about. It's not as, like, absolute as, like, Adam and Eve, go sit in the hall. Like, I was always just put in the hallway for asking questions, and this is how it is. And it's like, how could that be how it is? And then you just get in trouble.

Yeah, but does that have to be a religion? I mean, isn't open discourse, isn't that just part of being a curious human being who's intelligent? Yes, and I believe... Why does it have to be attached to an ideology? Well, I think that the ideologies can teach you things like tradition and, you know,

there's beautiful things in probably all religions. And I think that the future will be not just like picking a religion and I'm the religion that my dad was, and I'm the job that my dad was. My dad was a cobbler. So I'm a cobbler. My parents were Catholic. So I'm a Catholic.

It's such a out, it's such so outdated. I think as an adult, you, you sample lots of religions and you, you learn about as many as you can and you form your own philosophies and pull from, they're there for us to pull from, you know, they're, they're all windows onto the same thing.

So it's like, why not learn? I mean, I'm, I want to learn more about Judaism. I'm dating a Jew. I want to learn more about Buddhism. I meditate and do Buddhist chants. Like I love it all. And I think it's like definitely a positive thing for your life. I definitely think that looking into ancient traditions and philosophies, there's definitely something to be learned from it. What I have a problem with is attaching yourself to any rigid ideology. I grew up Catholic, too, for a very

short period of time. My parents stopped me from doing it when I was in first grade. Oh, really? Well, I was in first grade. I told them I would run away from home. I'm like, you send me back to this shit. I'm not doing it. We're lapsed Catholics. Oh, so bad. It was just rough. But before that, my parents were getting divorced. So before first grade, I was like, I was thinking that God was like the answer to all this. Cause I was like really scared and confused. And you know, there's like so much turmoil going on. I really thought that like, that was the answer.

Like religion was the answer. And, uh, cause I was just terrified. But then going to Catholic school cured me of that shit. Oh, they were so rude and mean and nasty. So mean. I had nuns grab me. I was, you know, what are you doing? You think you're so cute. Take those socks off. Like anytime I try to like it, like be individual.

Anytime I'd ask a question, they were assholes. God doesn't like your socks yeah that's a dark religion it's a very depressing religion although I did go to the Vatican when I was in Rome last week and I did communion

no not communion, confession it was like through the rope they're like do you want to do confession I was like well yeah I'm at the Vatican what did you talk about well I just sat down and he asked me if I believed in Jesus and I was like through the rope. They're like, do you want to do confession? I was like, well, yeah, I'm at the Vatican. What did you talk about? Well, I just sat down and he asked me if I believed in Jesus. And I was like, oh, no. First, he goes, have you ever made abortion?

Whoa. That's the first thing he asked. He goes, do you have any sins? And I was like, well, what did I say? I was like, oh, I told I was like, not really. You know, I'm I don't really believe in this religion or something like that. And he's like, have you ever made abortion?, I was like, not really. You know, I don't really believe in this religion or something like that. And he's like, have you ever made abortion? And I was like, no.

And then he's like, and I said, well, I do smoke pot. It helps me with my creativity. And he was like, I go, is that bad? He's like, I can't say. I don't know. Like, he was kind of seem more Jewish, actually. And then I told him I was going to get married to a Jew. And he's like, what can you do?

Oh, that seems like a pretty... It was pretty cool. And then he was like, can you go to Mass once a year? He's like, I'm sure that... And then you go to Temple once a year. He's like, what did he say? He was like, I think you can handle that. Wow, you sound pretty progressive.

But I think they're trying to be more like that. This is coming from the Vatican, right? And I think that that was definitely an offshoot of that new pope. He's dope, that new pope. Yeah, I mean, I'm not a fan of popes, but that guy is like, the way he speaks about gay people, the way he abandoned the giant throne. Love it. And now he's got like a regular chair that he sits in. He doesn't live in their apartment either.

They have like a gold-plated apartment or something. He got rid of the Popemobile, too. He's like, if they're going to shoot me, they're going to fucking shoot me. Oh, wow. Yeah. Everything I read about him, I'm so inspired. That bulletproof Popemobile might have been one of the dumbest fucking things. I mean, just stop and think about that.

A Popemobile. I'm going to go to heaven if they shoot me, but don't shoot me now, bitch. I got shit to do. I mean, that thing was so crazy. This fucking aquarium. You're driving this Pope around. Dude, I've never even seen this. I have to look this up.

You've never seen the Popemobile? No. Oh, my God. Oh, but this is what they told me when I was in Rome. They're like... Look at it. Oh, my God. That is a bulletproof Mercedes.

That is so funny. The Pope would drive around that thing so he didn't get JFK'd. Well, they told me when I was in Rome, they were like, the Pope is doing a waving at 11 o'clock. Oh, my God. So he just drives down. Oh, my God. That looks so, I've never seen that. Have you never heard of that before?

I got to get a photo shoot in one of those ASAP and drive around my hometown and do a waving. I could see you in there for Vanity Fair magazine or something like that. Oh my God. You getting driven around LA. How do you get one of those? Tasha Leggero, the failed Catholic in the Popemobile. What is that one? That's not a Popemobile.

Is that real? Oh my goodness. Oh my God. There's more than one, I guess. They've made a few of them over the years But they seem to always be Mercedes Only the best for the pontiff Wait will you please play me these religious songs

I have to hear these You've been talking about it This is Take America Back from Rick Santorum Released today Oh this is released today This is by the way This is just the beginning of this wave of fucking stupid that we're going to get. And it's all, it's thinly veiled racism in a lot of ways.

Because it's taking it back. Taking America back. You know, take America back from these liberals and this Obama. Barack Obama. And they're saying in a way they didn't say when Clinton was in office. You know, when they were trying to elect a Republican post-Clinton, they didn't have this sort of take-it-get-back sort of mentality. This isn't, and this is weird.

We'll play this. Ha, ha, ha. Isn't it time To take back America Isn't it time To unleash the pride Unleash the pride Like the pride's a pit bull Isn't it alright

Is this him singing? Yes I bet think so This is the way Is this him singing? Yes. I think so. Oh. Oh, my God. Okay, but these lyrics that we're not hearing, it's like, this is for the man working the factory, making drive train.

This is for the farmer working the wheat fields, growing the long grain. It seems like they're pandering. This is just like when you get those ads, like you start looking up a hotel, and then Google starts giving you those ads constantly. It's like they've just done a demographic search, and they're like, these are the only hope. These people who are farmers and garbage truck drivers and whoever, yeah, the laborers,

they're like, no smart person will vote for us, so we must pander in the stupidest possible way. This is for the preachers, the teachers. Here we go. The blue-collar warriors. Warriors. They're blue-collar and they're warriors. This is not for the teachers.

Anyone who's gone to college would not vote for this. This is for believers whose dreams are on the line. Oh, my God. Now, is this Santorum actually singing this? It can't be. Okay. Gun-toting, pro-life homophobic former United States senator will reportedly announce his run for presidency today. After being edged out by Mitt Romney in 2012, Rick Santorum is throwing his hat in the ring once again.

This time the campaign is on point, judging by this official Santorum for President campaign song. Okay, it might not be his song. Find out. But the idea that, well, so the idea that there's like a Bush and a Clinton running again, too, is so insane. It's mind-boggling. I mean, I can't even believe it. It's a dynasty. They're royalty.

And that we haven't figured, I mean, it's kind of good that there's other people trying. Well, we tried with Obama and it didn't work out so good, did it? I don't even know if it did. Nobody is a good fucking president. No one has ever done it where everybody loved them. Not a single one ever. Because the ambition involved, it just excludes anyone cool. Well, especially today with the intrusion, the amount of privacy, the investigation into your past and scrutiny.

I mean, you can't be a human. You can't be a human. You can't have an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend. You can't have ever been gay. You can't have puffed marijuana. I mean. I think we'd be great with a gay president. I think we need a gay guy or a gay girl.

How about a lesbo? Lesbo would be good. Who would you go? Like Melissa Etheridge? She would take this fucking place in a good direction. You don't think Hillary would? A lot of people think Hillary is a neocon. A lot of people think that Hillary... Wait, what does that mean exactly?

Someone who is in bed with the military industrial complex. Someone who profits from war. Someone who is... And Obama's not like that? Well, he certainly is a guy who is not what everybody was hoping for. Like, everybody hoped he was going to close down Guantanamo Bay, pull everybody out of the war, straighten up America's inner cities. I mean, they're the same brand of person, aren't they, Hillary and Obama? I think everyone that gets into that office has to be in bed with these monstrous corporations that need to make massive amounts of money.

And the way they make massive amounts of money is they bribe politicians. They pay massive amounts of money. Like, when the Supreme Court passed laws that say that these corporations are allowed to donate money like as if they were an individual entity. Like, if you're a person, like say Natasha Lajera has a million dollars in the bank, and you're like, fuck it, I'm donating my million dollars to Hillary Clinton. You can do that. You can donate as much money as you want.

Well, there used to be restrictions on corporations, especially corporations that would benefit from political influence. And, you know. They got rid of those restrictions. They got rid of those. That's recently, right? Yeah, it's within the, I think it was during the Bush administration. I think it was. It was either Bush or Obama, but it's fairly recent that they did that. And as soon as you do that, you open the floodgates for corruption and influence. Lobbyists, like the idea of, I became educated about lobbyists because of the UFC had to hire a bunch of lobbyists in order to get mixed martial arts passed in all these different states.

Because when we first started, it was only legal in a few states. And a lot of states, like right now, it's legal in every state except New York. And the only reason why it's not legal in New York is because of corruption. And it's almost done. UFC is not legal? No, no. And one of the politicians that kept it from being legal was just arrested for corruption. So it was hilarious.

When that guy went down for corruption, everybody's like, duh. The culinary union is a big part of it, but there's a lot of union influence because, long story short, the UFC is owned by this company that also owns station casinos. They own 20 plus casinos and they're non-union casinos. And the culinary union wants them to be union because if they were a union they would make some somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 million dollars a year um don't quote me on that uh from the dues so they're they've had this active smear campaign against the ufc and they spent a lot of money to try to get the ufc to leverage them to

get the ufc to turn those casinos into union casinos. So there's a lot of fucking bullshit involved in politics. And that's the kind of things that are involved in passing laws. It's a lot of money, a lot of influence, a lot of people bribing people. So to get to be president, you have to play that fucking game. And there's not going to be any white knights in that game. There's going to be whiter knights, you know, like there's going to be darker nights and whiter nights. And it's this fine balance between public acceptance and public support and the support of the corporations.

Like the corporate, you can't have, you can't have one without the other. You got to kind of like walk this fine line. That's why we keep getting. Pussy makes no difference. I don't think it makes a difference. I don't think it makes a difference. I mean, she's, she's already been criticized for being unduly influenced by I mean that whole thing with her email She deleted all her fucking emails and she was getting emails from a private server instead of the the way you're supposed to do it

Where it's they can easily investigate all of the the transactions that have gone back and forth or the communications that have gone back and forth I try not to look at it too deeply because it's so frustrating All of the transactions that have gone back and forth or the communications that have gone back and forth. I try not to look at it too deeply because it's so frustrating. So I can only give you like a cursory understanding of how the whole system works. But at the end of the day, it's money. I mean, it's all about money and these huge fucking corporations. The difference between having someone in there that supports them and having someone in there that's against them Especially when it comes to environmental regulations and how difficult they make it to do things like fracking and all that kind of shit It's billions. You're talking about billions and billions of dollars

so I don't think anybody gets there unless they play that fucking game And that's why the commission for presidential debates is a privately funded funded institution. When you see those people debating on TV, like, what is that? You have to leave? You don't have to write it down on a piece of paper. Why are you laughing? I mean, I wish I didn't have to go, but I have to. Let's do it again.

Listen, you and I have been threatening to do a podcast forever, and we finally did it. Because when I got here, he goes, there's sometimes four hours. No. And I was like, well, I only have it to one. That's fine. finally did it. Because when I got here he goes, there's sometimes four hours. No. And I was like, well, I only have it to one. Just fine. One is good. One is good, Natasha.

You don't have to worry. Listen, let's do more often. Come back. I'm so depressed now. Why? Because you were thinking that Hillary's going to be

the Barack Obama for women? That country western song. What the fuck was that? Take back America. Do you know what I mean? How they're just like purposely just dumbing it down. Dumbing it down for like. Well, it's a hustle. It's like a guy who wants to rape you, but he shows up with flowers.

He's trying to get you to think he's a good guy. Who's the best person to be? Like, do you think, like, if you had to pick a Bush or a Clinton, for comedy, it would be a Bush, right? Yes. Us, like, we'll have like a glory day or glory period, right? For comic. Yeah.

Like people. Yeah. Because people would want to go out to the clubs and talk about it. You know, I don't think we're supposed to think that way. There's plenty of dumb shit going on in the world without having it be the president. I'm not saying I know. I know. I'm just I'm just thinking.

Here's my hope. I have a hope. My hope is that the internet is so pervasive. It's so deeply embedded in everyone's life. And the internet is all about the exchange of information. And information is being exchanged... And new information. Yes.

And it's being exchanged in a way... New words. New... New and not just that, but facts. Knowing the reality of climate change, of war, of profits. The reality that we have when it comes to understanding what's going on in the world is unprecedented. It's instantaneous. You have questions about things.

You can't be lied. Like, you know, I remember Ronald Reagan on TV lying about the new studies are coming out that says that marijuana is one of the most dangerous drugs ever known. He got that timber going. He was a liar. He was lying to people because they were paying him to lie. If a politician tried to do that today, the Internet would fucking explode. Everyone would go nuts. It was like, remember when Obama wanted to go into Syria and Obama was saying that we got to go into Syria and literally the entire internet went fucking crazy the entire country was like fuck this we're involved in two

fucking wars and you want to go to Syria what's the big deal about Syria what exactly the fuck is happening in Syria so you think the voice is gonna I think the internet would the internet represents is the exchange of information I don't think the voice of the internet I think it's human beings having the truth where they've never had it before and having the ability to express themselves in a way that they've never had before. And all they would have to do to change all this shit, really change it, is abandon this fucking antiquated bullshit corrupt system and have people vote online. You could have people, you have people make transactions.

You could fucking do your banking online. I got Apple Pay on my phone. I could buy shit online. Everyone's doing things online. But you can't vote online? That's ridiculous. The reason being, if you make it really easy to vote, then really everybody has a say. Instead of having the way they have it now, where it's this, you know, you have the electoral college, and you don't really vote.

You vote for a representative, and that representative represents your state or your district. It's all cock bullshit. It's nonsense. What they need to do is revamp the system, and revamp the system in a way that reflects the actual will of the people. And that will radically change the world. Because the will of the people is educated now in a way that it's never been before. How do we make that happen? How do we

raise money for revamping the electoral college? I think slowly but surely the system that's in place is more and more ridiculous every year. I mean, look at that song! That is an actual, not an SNL sketch. I mean, that's an actual...

You and I are laughing. Do you know how many fucking people were crying when they heard that? We do need to take back America and stop the abortions. You're killing babies, Natasha Leggero. By the way, I'm not having a lot of abortions. I'm just saying. How many have you had? Zero, but I would love to have one if I needed to.

I can't wait. I'll periscope it. Yeah. I can't wait. I'll relish. I'll periscope it. Yeah. Periscope is another thing, man.

It's another new internet thing. It's getting people closer and closer to each other. We live in a weird time, Natasha. I'm going to tweet that I'm periscoping my abortion intent. Well, I'm going to periscope you ending this podcast right now. I'm going to periscope I'm going to periscope you ending this podcast right now. I'm going to periscope it right now. I have so many more questions, but we'll talk next time. You have questions? Well, no, I just wanted to get your thoughts on, you know, whatever.

There's a lot of things happening. Now I'm all amped. Let's do this again soon. Can we do this again more often? You should have your own podcast, too, by the way. You know, Duncan and I had, like, the first podcast. Yes, you did. Chris Hardwick came over to our house and was like, wait, so you just, like, record into the microphone and you can release it every week? He was our first guest. Now he's got a network.

We created Nerdist. Yeah, in some sort of a way. He was your first guest? Yeah. That's hilarious. That is really fucking hilarious. Yeah, you guys were doing one, like, when? Duncan just understood it.

I don't know, like, a long time ago. Maybe seven years ago or something. Was it that long ago? Six years ago. Were you doing it before I was doing it? Probably. Wow. That's crazy. I know that no one had one. No one. I mean, Chris Hardwick, he did, but his was always more of a radio show. Right. It still is. Natasha Leggero. People can get you online. Natasha Leggero on Twitter. What else? Oh, our new show, Another Period, comes out on Comedy Central June 23rd. It's like if it takes place in 1902, it's like imagine if the Kardashians moved into Downton Abbey.

That's my new show. And it's a reality show. It is? It's after Amy Schumer. I'm so confused. No, it's like a fake reality show. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Don't be confused. A fake reality show it is it's after amy schumer i'm so confused no it's like a fake reality show oh okay okay okay don't be a fake reality show okay all right thank you so much thank you for having me love having you on let's do it again all right all right see you soon you

fucks are you okay bye everybody this is gonna be here tomorrow. Rich Voss. Are we live? Oh, Rich Voss tomorrow. Should be awesome.