The Joe Rogan Experience - #661 - Rutledge Wood

Episode Date: June 17, 2015

Rutledge Wood is one of the hosts of Top Gear on History Channel. He also works as a reporter for NBCSports & NASCAR on NBC.

Yee-haw! Alright, we're live, dude. That's it. We're going. Boom. It's moving. Just like that. Just like that. This is amazing. It's amazing to have you on, man. I like your show. You know, it's one of the few shows where you take over, like, it's a real problem whenever you got a show that's iconic. And Top Gear is iconic as fuck. Oh, sure. I mean, it's the iconic car show. And then they did an Australia version, they've done other... How many versions are there now? Australia was first. There was a German one.

Really? German one, yeah. They did something with them once, and then that kind of killed them. There's us. We're still a thing. There was a Top Gear Korea for like five minutes, which may or may not be going on.

They're the ones that dropped that Apache helicopter in the desert. Everybody was fine. What? Yeah, there was a new, there was like a ZL1 Camaro chasing, getting chased by an Apache helicopter, which is something we did in our first season. And the same helicopter pilot and co-pilot got too close to the,

the blades got too close and caught it and it dropped them. They walked away. The helicopter was toast. But then when you hear it dropped them. Oh, they walked away the helicopter was toast But then when you hear it you start there's certain things that happen you start to look back at your life and go like does that Mean I could have also almost died when we did that like 20 minutes from my house Oh season one sure totally definitely so luckily that didn't happen Apache helicopters are fucking expensive Yeah The government had all these helicopters laying around that they couldn't do anything with. And the guy that flew it with us was a guy named Skip Lamb.

And he and a bunch of other pilots were like, hey, we could do stuff with TV, with movies, whatever. So they started this little group. And the government gave them a bunch of these surplus helicopters that they weren't doing anything with. So they exist and they can do different films and movies. And it's cool for these guys because they get to use the skills that they had and get to do something cool with them. But again, it's a real helicopter. Like it's a bad bitch helicopter that. They have to be worth millions.

You have to be. It has to be. I mean, what is one of those worth, Jamie? Find out what one of those fuckers are worth. We had, not those, but we had a bunch of helicopters that we used on Fear Factor, and a lot of times they were really close to each other. Like, they'd have to fly staggered where the blades of one were

just above the blades of the other, and they're connected, both of them connected by ropes to something. They were picking up, like, a bus or some shit. One fucking stupid thing. $52 million! Jesus fucking Christ! Wow. Oh my God.

I don't feel like there's any of those on Amazon is what my gut tells me. There might be. eBay for sure. 603% more expensive than the average for its class. Were you ever close enough when they were doing that and you can feel the wash from them? Yeah. I assume you've been

in a helicopter. Yes. One of my least favorite things in life. I've only been, honestly, I never flew in a helicopter the entire time we did Fear Factor. We shot for six fucking years, helicopters every other week. I never got on one. Good for you. Because I couldn't. It was a part, like, I would have to be insured to get into the helicopter.

Right. But I've been on them on vacation. I've done that, the big island in Hawaii. Oh, yeah. You go over the volcanoes. You've ever done that? I've not But I've been on them on vacation. I've done that, the big island in Hawaii. Oh, yeah. You go over the volcanoes. You've ever done that? I've not. I've been there once.

It was lovely. Dude, it's like literally, it takes my breath away just thinking about it because it's the earth bleeding out into the surface. Middle of nowhere. And then pouring into the water and creating the island. You watch the island be created. Like, it's every day,

it's like a couple more inches gets added to the big island, and you could actually literally watch it happen. And that's that next level stuff. Meanwhile, the whole time I'm in there, I'm thinking, like, this bitch is gonna go down any second. When it takes off or when it lands

is the worst part for me, because you can feel, when you feel that wind push up against the blade, and it's like, are we gonna go down any second that's true when it takes off or when it lands is the worst part for me because you can feel when you feel that wind push up against the blade and it's like are we gonna go are we thinking about that's that's for me the pants crapping factor that makes it not fun well it's also i've owned a lot of shit boxes and i'm sure you have too yes so you're aware of things breaking like you're on the highway uh-oh what's what's that noise? Dunk, dunk, dunk. But if a wheel falls off, you and I can pull over. Exactly. If a rotor drops off, we make the news.

It's not my favorite. Yeah, I think there's a way they can kind of like... Bill Burr just started flying helicopters. He has this fucking hilarious bit about it on his last Netflix special about flying helicopters. But he said that they're not nearly as bad to crash as people think they are. There's a way you learn how to bring them down.

That's what he says. I'll pass on that, man. I will. And for you, I would probably, if he ever invites you up, I'd just tell him, no, I'll just meet you there, man. I'll go. I'll just drive. I'll go for the story.

When I was in high school, a buddy of Mine was taking flight lessons when I was in high school I had a buddy wine and his parents were he was a wild guys Family was his dad was a poacher his dad was like she wow dear illegally There's a lot of weird shit in their family, and they were teaching him at a very young age how to fly planes I don't know what the fuck they're gonna do with the plane, but he came from very sketchy family But we were like fucking 15, and we're in a plane i'm like dude you're 15 well you shouldn't be flying shit but we were flying in a little single engine plane one of those little one of my best friends flies for delta and i i tell him you know you travel a lot you get it but

like if i hear his name broadcast over the pa, I'm probably going to get off the plane because I've been drunk with him enough times that it's just... I dig that he's in charge of so many people's lives. I just don't know if we're there. Did you see the picture of the plane that ran into a bird? A commercial jet plane slammed into a bird and it caved in the entire front of the plane? No. You didn't see it? That't say that's awesome though Jamie pull that I mean if assuming everyone's okay everyone lived because it hit it perfect

But if hit the wing I mean you look at what it did to the front of the plane like if it hit just hit You know six feet to the left six feet to the right whatever You look like it people might have died or if it landed it through the windshield I might have killed the pilot. I mean, if you're hitting a Canadian goose, like one of those big fucking giant geese. Then you're trying to land in the Hudson. Yeah, exactly.

That's a whole different. Exactly, like that story. So there's this place in Georgia near me where we shot, the same place with the helicopter, and they are the people that go and recover airplanes. Look at that. There's the impact. Holy cow, right?

Just boom, soft spot right in there. So when the plane went down the Hudson, these redneck dudes from Griffin, Georgia, were sent up there to get the plane. It's floating in the water, right? Insurance companies pay them to go and recover these planes. And they have to basically cut them up, get them on a train or a flatbed or whatever. And so for Christmas, one of our executive producers for Top Gear, he was showing me, oh, here's some stuff I got from Ronnie and my buddies back in Georgia. And it was a tiny bottle of Jack Daniels that looked like it had mold growing on the outside.

And it was one of the bottles that was in the plane that went down on the Hudson. And these guys recovered it. And that was his Christmas keepsake to his friends. That's funny. Wow. That's probably worth money. I would think so. Put that on eBay.

I mean, they had... There's this cool old 50s-looking plane. I was like, oh, that looks neat. They landed that, and the guy was like, oh, no, that plane hit the water in Panama City. That guy died. Ooh. You couldn't have a more trite business unless maybe you were an undertaker. I don't know.

Maybe a funeral service director. I'm not sure. But you have to basically go pick up crap after Bill Burr and his friends learn how to roll a helicopter that's going down safely. Didn't Patrick Swayze crash drunk? Wasn't that something that happened? I believe Patrick Swayze, before he died, was boozing it up and flying around with his cancer. He was not so happy with life.

Just going for it. Just getting hammered and flying around. I mean, he had cancer for quite a while and was flying planes, and I think he crashed one of them. I'm pretty sure he crashed one of them and walked away. That dude's hardcore. And was it Harrison Ford that just landed one on a Golf course yeah, he crash-landed somewhere Harrison for apparently he got pretty banged up like that was that was a real crash

Swayze suspected of drunk flying Just in 2000 Yeah, three men are facing misdemeanor charges in connection with Patrick Swayze's emergency landing early this month. The men are accused of failing to tell authorities about how they allegedly helped the actor remove alcoholic beverages from his crashed plane. He was doing it, man. He's a fucking dirty dancing guy. Come on, he's Roadhouse. Let him, you know.

It's weird that, like, Patrick Swayze would wear stuff in those movies that, like, if our friends wore, we'd kind of make fun of. But when Patrick Swayze wears, you're like, that guy can dance. Only because you didn't know him. If you got to know him, after a while, you'd start mocking him. You know, if you were hanging around with him. You met Patrick Swayze and he was, like, dancing. You'd be like, hey, that's pretty cool. And then, like, five minutes later, you'd be like, do you do sports or just fucking dance around?

Keep like off? What is, do you have friends? Do you just dance? What kind of friends are you hanging around with? Like on a Tuesday, you just dance? Do you know Mikhail Baryshnikov or some shit? Like there's, there's. Roadhouse.

Roadhouse. God, what a movie. What was my man playing the guitar? The blind guy. Oh yeah, that guy. He was really good. He was really good. Whatever happened to that dude?

He got killed. Did he really? Yeah. Died. I think he was in was really good. He was really good. Whatever happened to that dude? He got killed. Did he really? Yeah. Died. I think he was in a car wreck. Fuck. He wasn't driving. I'm sure.

As you know. That's not a joke against blind people. That guy was really good. I asked the same question. That guy was a really good musician. He was great. That's right. He was in it.

I forgot he was in it. And that's Sam. Jeff Healy. Jeff Healy. Thank you. How did he die? Find it for us. This is the... can I get something like that that just goes with You can continue your thought that's the benefit when you have when you have a podcast

Diet of cancer underwent surgery to remove metastatic tissue from both lungs. Oh wow,. And that's what, in Alabama, that's what we call a car wreck. So my bad. I categorized that wrong. Well, we were talking before the podcast, and we were talking about muscle cars, and we were talking about Mustangs and Mustang people being weird. You're not the only one who's ever said that to me. I haven't experienced this except in high school. When I was in high school, my auto shop teacher was a Mustang fanatic. Okay.

The guy was nuts. Sure. And he had all these old shitty Mustangs that he had like put back together again. And they were all like fucking, he'd have students do the Bondo on them. They're all, you know, look at them sideways. It was like looking at a fucking ski slope. Right. They were just completely fucked up. But he was weird, and he just didn't like any other cars. He was like, I like Mustangs.

Just hardcore. Just all he wanted. And he didn't even like the cool ones. He had, like, you know, shitty hubcaps. And, like, he never, like, did them up nice where they looked like something I would want. Sure. And I loved muscle cars.

But in his mind, they were the jam, right? Yeah. It was a Mustang or nothing. That was his thing. And to quantify it a tiny bit, you told me that you were kind of thinking about building a car and it's maybe a Chevelle or maybe a Mustang. I think there's lots of... If you look at the car world, man, there's so many different pockets of people and the

stuff that they like. And I was never a big Mustang guy. I dig them. I get why people love them. But let's pick the Fox body. That's the 79 to 93. And they made a few changes in there. They had

T-tops and a few of them. Those were death. Those cars were death. They're just... They're in Vanilla Ice's number one song, right? Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. With a rag top down so my hair can blow. And I dig that, but that's what that car was like to me. It's a very great representation of sort of like a redneck, mullet, late 80s, early 90s kind of style.

Well, on my show Lost in Transmission, we had to take one. I found it in my buddy's junkyard. I needed an engine and transmission to try to make this AMC Eagle cool, right? I couldn't keep the car all-wheel drive. It was like a jacked up, ugly four by four. I couldn't keep it all-wheel drive and have any amount of power. So I said, all right, let's make it rear-wheel drive. Let's make it something cool. So I had to basically sacrifice this Fox body. And dude, people came out of the woodwork. I don't know how active you are. I know you are.

But, like, sometimes when people try to get mad at you on Facebook, it's so much funnier to read. And you're like, this guy was so pissed he forgot that English is a language. Because it's just a hail of words. And, like, he tried to call this one fox body rare. And I made fun of him. And then other people saw it Not like in a mean way. I just poked back but like there's no fox body. That's rare Well, let's pull those pictures back up again

And let's all agree that these should all be put in a pile and nuked right these are awful Disgusting cars the worst representation of American muscle cars that have ever been built look at that girl in the hood even she's not of American muscle cars that have ever been built. Look at that girl in the hood. Even she's not enthusiastic. She's like this, I hate my boyfriend, Chaz. I hate Chaz. He's an asshole.

He makes me get on top of his shitty fucking car. And you know, that's like an LX 5.0. Might have been a four-cylinder. I don't know. Oh, look at the girl with the pink one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You totally want to buy her some Boone's Farm. Look at you, girl.

I like how they redid the back lights. They got crafty with the fucking custom lights. Yeah, the Euro tail, the Altezza style. I mean, it was supposed to be a muscle car, and it had four lug wheels. It was a disgusting car. My buddy Kevin Chason had one when we were kids. He had a 5.0. I'm not saying you can't make them cool.

Oh, yeah, I mean, they're kind of cool they're kind of cool that's cool but they're not cool compared to the 60s mustangs and they're not cool compared to the new ones the new ones are fucking bad they're dope right and and really they got they got better than what was the next one the sn95 would it not to be a total dork i know i know codes and stuff i I shouldn't. You shouldn't. They got cooler, right? They did? They got better? They were kind of decent.

And then in the 2000s, like I had a 2010 Shelby GT500. That's a badass car. It was a vicious car. But it was, you know, live rear axle. The handling properties weren't the best. But it wasn't about that. That car was about it could go sideways anytime you wanted it to. It was like, anybody around?

No. Hit it. Yeah. I would just go sideways around corners. I mean, it was so easy. Right. Just anytime you wanted to, you just give it a little juice, and it would just kick out the back for you.

And there's really only a handful of cars that you feel like when you see someone on the road, and you know, sometimes people, it's not that they're messing with you. They're just not bright enough to know how to be a good driver. That's one of those cars you would always see a dude in a Mustang just be like, I've had enough of your crap. I'm out. I'm going to drop the hammer, and I go. So, like, I always like that about them.

But there's just certain cars that people that love them are sometimes just, they turn me off of the car. Like, I always wanted an E46 M3 BMW, right? That, to me, is just such a great car out of the box. But then when I would meet a lot of the people that would own them, I would decide I don't think I really want to own one. Well, I've heard that about Porsches, too. Right.

People have always said that about Porsches. Magnus Walker is changing that for me. Yes, he is. Right? Yeah. How could that guy, how could you not love Magnus, first off? No, he's awesome. He's a badass dude that just likes what he likes.

Well, he's also so enthusiastic about it that it's contagious. Oh, yeah. He loves those, like, 60 to 73. And now he's into some turbos now, some older turbo models. Sure. Oh, he loves those 930s, man. He's got a bunch of those. Yeah.

And I think your buddies at Shark Works took him a newer one, like a 14, that he got to go beat around on. And then suddenly he was like, maybe the new ones aren't so bad. Well, he knows now. Well, he had never experienced anything like the GT2. So what Alex did, Alex, my buddy from Shark Works, took a GT2 from, I want to say it's 2010 maybe, somewhere around there. Yeah.

And he made it 800 horsepower. And it is the fucking scariest car I've ever driven in my life. Yeah. I mean, it's fucking terrifying. Like, my GT3 has 518 horsepower. That has almost 300 more horsepower. Right. It's somewhere in the eights it's

a mind-bogglingly fast it's a fucking time machine and he let Magnus drive it and he said do with it whatever you would do if it was your own car so Magnus had it fucking painted right yeah but that's how cool Alex is and that's how cool Magnus is they just they're both fanatics so they they just have this understanding with each other. So this is what he did to it. You can see it there. He painted, I think it's ugly as fuck. Oh, come on. You don't like that?

It's disgusting. I love the gold wheels on there, first off. Well, the gold wheels aren't bad, but the orange on the bumpers, like, why? It has that very, like, German DTM kind of look to it. Dog shit. Looks like dog shit. It's a great car It's such a beautiful design though. It doesn't need bull fucking gray stripes in the hood and orange brother, but whatever

It's not my car, but the bottom line is driving it though. What a goddamn experience. Yeah. Oh It's terrifying we took it up angels crest Oh, yeah that area and you can't drive it up Angel's Crest. Oh, yeah. That area. And you can't drive it up. It's too fast. Every corner comes too quick. Right. And that's one of those cars that is, when the power comes on, it doesn't matter how they've tuned it. Your foot is not a machine.

Your foot is like, hey, let's do this. So all of a sudden you think, maybe I'll shoot off this hill or is this the one? Because you can't. It's hard to drive that car in control no matter who you are. Well, I never really thought, I've never been in a car that had too much power before, where I drove it. Right. I've always been like, whoa, this is fast. Like, the Shelby GT500 was like 550 horsepower, pretty light car. I'm like, god damn, this thing is fast.

Ridiculously fast. The GT3, super fast, But that is in a different category It's it's so it's mind-boggling how much power it has and when it kicks in just pins you to the chair And it oh oh Your heart starts right you like I'm gonna die this kid this kid. This is this is physics You're like that I get it James Dean. This is physics. I get it, James Dean. I get you, man. I'm sinking.

Feel it, brother. Feel it. On a highway, apparently, it's even scarier. They were saying on the highway, you just don't feel compelled to let off the gas. And so you look down, you're going 170 miles an hour on a 405. You're like, what the fuck am I doing? Last season, Top Gear, we went to Germany. We drove on the Nürburgring.

Have you ever been there? No. What is that like? Nürburgring is like being inside of a video game. For folks who aren't car geeks, the Nürburgring is the track that everyone talks about when you talk about lap times. If you have a car that can do

7 minutes and 30 seconds or below on the Nürburgring, you've got a motherfucker of a car. It's a motherfucker. The record is just under seven minutes, right, now? So it's for the 12-minute course, right? It's 14 if you run the whole thing, but the 12-minute course is just under seven for some unbelievably fast thing. When we went there, Tanner's got a friend over there, right?

Tanner Faust. Tanner Faust. Tanner Faust. You, Adam Ferrara, and Tanner are the hosts of Top Gear USA. Adam said, say hi, by the way. I love that dude. Gosh, he loves you. You guys. I love that comedy.

It's like one gigantic fraternity and sorority that everyone likes everyone unless you're that 1A hole. There's a few of them. We could go into that off the air. I know it's a different thing. We know about four guys that need to be killed. Right, exactly. I need to take them and climb into the body of those shitty old Mustangs and nuke them from orbit.

Just push them in there. But Tanner's got a friend who is friends with the owner, the people that just bought it. So they closed the Nürburgring for us for three hours. We had to track all to ourselves. Wow. Dude, that's the most insane thing I've ever done in my life. And I was in a 2014 Carrera S, 4S. So it's a non-turbo all wheel drive and it's a little over 300 horsepower,

right? It's about four. I think. Is it maybe? Yeah, you're right. It's about 400 horsepower. Yeah. You could kill yourself on that track in a Yugo, maybe on a bicycle, on a good downhill. maybe on a bicycle on a on a good downhill every turn is a blind turn every hill is a blind hill i hit 182 on the back stretch and then like on the way there we were we were trying to hit the rev limiter on the autobahn because people know how to drive on the interstate there it's the most amazing thing they get in the right hand lane and they stay there until they need to use the left and then they just fall out. Unlike California. Unlike anywhere.

California is the worst. Oh, yeah. Everywhere I've lived, California is the worst when it comes to getting out of that left lane. Nobody respects it. They literally will slow down. I'm going fast enough. Yeah. I'm just going to patrol this on my own.

I live in California. I've always lived in California. I don't know anything about small roads. Because they kind of designed the roads out here for a bunch of cars. Right. There's no, like, when I first came here, one of the first things that I did, I drove down to, there's a place called Hard Times Billiards in Bellflower, California. It's like a legendary pool hall.

And I drove down there, and you have to take the 405 to get down there. I was like, look at this fucking road. It's like seven lanes on each side. I'm like, this is insane. In Massachusetts, where I grew up, there's nothing like that. They didn't exist. They were like horse and buggy roads, and someone had put hard pavement over it. Sure.

You know? Potholes everywhere. Yeah. The roads down here, this is like the best car culture in the world and the worst driving conditions for car people. Certainly for traffic. It's unreal. Dude, 3 a.m. you guys can have traffic in the middle of nowhere. Bumper to bumper.

For no real reason. The real reason is people fuck and they make babies and then they move out here because they want to be famous. Yeah, let's come out here. I mean, don't get wrong. If you go north, if you go south, I mean, there are some great roads to drive here. Oh, yeah. But it'll take you six hours to go five miles to find them, right?

I'm I'm so nervous going anywhere here I was five minutes away and just crapping my pants about if I could get here on time or not Yeah, it's it's a nerve-wracking place if you want to be punctual. It's not sure but that dude that so the Let's go to the Nurburgring. What was your time? Did you how fast did you get around I did whatever I think I was under 10 minutes for my first lap That's pretty goddamn good, and they said that's first time seeing the track That's great. You should feel really good about that you lose it at any point in time or did you get close? Did you edge I the carousel is the coolest feeling I've ever had because you dip in and it's, there's graffiti everywhere, right?

Cause they have these huge parties out there around the races. And so you're seeing all this stuff and the car just dips in and you're hauling ass as hard as you can. And then it just shoots you right out the other side and you keep going and you're like, I just did it. So the carousel is like a site, like you're almost going sideways, like a bank. Yes. It's, it's a steep bank that just kind of pops in out of nowhere.

And you just get in and you kind of just ride it. There it is right there. It's so, dude, it's so awesome. It's so crazy. And the whole time I kept thinking, what am I doing here? Like, how did this happen? How did this goofball kid from Atlanta end up on this show? And they handed me a car and the keys to the Nürburgring?

To a German Porsche, a modern German Porsche. It was insane. And they do the coolest part about that road and that track. On days when there aren't races, it's a toll road. So you can pay $30 and go take a lap. Really? So there are guys like you and I who are there who either showed up with a 911, rented one, whatever, right? So they're going out having fun.

You still have to use your blinker, and you can only pass on the left, which is hilarious to me. But there's also, like, grandmothers and families and tourists on the track at the same time. Wow. So you're just going to do it, but people are really going. And so we're standing there. We had just wrapped up,

and I was like, if we got five minutes, I just want to watch some cars. You see this Mini Cooper come hauling ass around, right? And this dude's just carving. And there's a guy in an F430 Ferrari who's like,

I can keep up with this son of a bitch. And he punted that F430 into the wall. Oh! One side, and then drug it down past us. Now, because it's a toll road, they have to do an accident investigation. The Mini's gone.

The Mini Cooper's checked out. He didn't have anything to do with it. But I think he still felt bad. So everybody that was on the track at that point has to exit. And this team shows up and they do like an accident investigation because that guy's insurance would still be good on the track at that moment because it was a toll road.

That's hilarious. So how fast can you go? I hit 183. And there's no speed limit. No. You could just go. And I was not the fastest car we had. What kind of fucking insurance do they have that lets you go 183 miles an hour?

Because you've heard of friends that are like, oh, I took this new car to the track and then I had paid a tow truck guy to drop it on the side of the 405 so I can call the insurance company and tell them, I don't know what happened. Right. I was sitting here. Right. So I guess it just works out better. But you can rent a race car there, either like a Peugeot, or they have all these little

kind of import smaller race cars you can rent. It says rent a race car on the windshield. Just go for it. Well, if you get a Nissan GTR, they have a speed limiter on it until you get to race courses, and the GPS recognizes that you're at a race course. That's awesome. And it lets you just go fucking crazy.

Have you driven one? Yes. Such a great car for the money. I rented one. Did you? Yes, I rented one in Austin, Texas. If you go to is it

Hertz? I think it's Hertz. Hertz has some pretty ridiculous cars you can rent. Sure. If you want to pay, they'll let you run a GTR. I was like, woohoo! So the whole weekend, I was like, I was riding a ride everywhere. I mean, for the supercar world, it's such a bargain.

That car. I mean, they're getting more expensive now it's such a bargain, that car. I mean, they're getting more expensive now. They're somewhere around $100,000 now. They were like $70,000 or something. $89,000, I think, was when they first came out. $89,000? Yeah, and it was fully loaded. Now they keep adding a little bit more. They're a little bit over $100,000 now, but the way they handle is like it defies physics.

It doesn't feel like the GT3 handles amazing, but it makes sense. That car does not make sense. Because there's all sorts of electronics going on. It's four-wheel drive. It's very heavy. It's probably like 800 or 900 pounds heavier than my GT3. It's like 3,900 pounds or something like that, I think. I think it's a fairly heavy car.

And that's part of their strategy in some sort of strange way, but it fucking works. That is an ungodly fast ride. And it's just hop in and go. Tanner doesn't like it because it takes so much, he feels like, away from a driver at that skill level. Right. But you and I are, in fact, not Tanner Faust. Yes. So I don't feel like I feel that same way. Well, one of my favorite episodes of your show was when he was racing with a motorcycle

around all these industrial boxes and crates. Is it Z06? Yes. Down in Long Beach. Dude, that was nuts. Dude. When you can watch someone drift an entire cloverleaf on ramp. Yeah.

And I think the city of Long Beach tried to get mad at us afterwards. Really? Because they saw all the stripes that we had done. And you're like, no, you gave us permission. Sorry. They were mad because there's rubber on the road. Come on, that looks cool. That's what I said.

What are they, pussies? I don't know what their deal is. Nobody died. Yeah. Fucking babies. And it was a drift. Yeah. They called it a drift bike, right?

And he only had like three degrees of slip on it. Still badass. Here it is right here. For the record. Well, you just see how good a driver Tanner is in this video, especially with those shitty dog shit seats. God, the seats in those fucking Corvettes. Who the fuck allowed that?

That was such a glaring error on their part to make this incredible car, I mean a ridiculously fast car, and then give it these dogshit seats. Terrible. I had a Z06 for about five minutes. Did you? It was awesome. Again, I'm not a Corvette guy.

You wouldn't see me get out of a car and think, that guy's got a Vette because I don't have a gold chain. I'm not wearing jean shorts. Not wearing overall jean shorts. Right? Or jorts. Jean shorts not wearing jean shorts right or jorts jorts if you will they're very popular in florida where they do they do and and i it was atomic orange i got it for my friend kevin and uh in chicago gave me a killer deal on it and it was one of those cars that once you drove once you got in that z06 it was a 07 atomic orange everything

about corvettes changed because that car i, it's the same as that car. It's just such, it's a mean-ass car. So fast. So fast. So fun. And really well-balanced, too. Those cars are shockingly well-balanced. It's just, because it's plastic and American and the seats are dog shit, you think, like,

well, this is a fucking terrible car. But it's not. If you took it somewhere and just had some really good bucket seats installed, the ride experience, and then the steering wheel's dog shit, too. They had the Cavalier steering wheel. Yeah, that was always my beef. You could get the same radio in the Corvette that you could in the S10. That's just not how that's supposed to work.

No. But they did fix that. Yeah. I mean, the C7 is like the C6 Z06 in a GTR had an illegitimate child. And that's what they spit out. They even made it better than anybody anticipated. Like, the new Z06 is a motherfucker of a car. I mean, it is a really incredible, incredible car.

And that's just them listening, you know, which you've got to appreciate. Thank goodness. Yeah, they listened, and they even engineered it, like, way better than the other ones. I mean, the new Corvette, the C7 Corvette is a marvelous car. It's a marvel of engineering. It really is. I mean, it doesn't, there's not a car under half a million dollars that even compares to it. You know, when they get that Z06.

Yeah, and they finally, they're like, yeah, let's do it. Yeah, they finally figured it out. The seats are perfect. Like, everything's great in it. Tanner's good. He could drive his ass off. Man, every time, we would go and do stuff and people would say like, why are you letting Tanner beat you?

And I'd just smile like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't know if you noticed, I was trying my ass off. I'm actually not trying to let him beat me. I think people don't truly understand the amount of skill and knowledge that's involved in driving a car like that. Oh, yeah. Or when he took the GT2 around downtown L.A. at night. How nutty was that?

They closed down some sections of downtown L.A., and he had a really recent model GT2, which is just a stupendously fast car. And he was driving it during the day, but it was too hot because it's turbocharged and it just didn't really have the juice. Yeah, heat soak was getting crazy. So he took it. I mean, it was pretty fast, I'm sure, still. But not fast enough. And that's his dream car right there. He's got a

996? Yeah, 996 turbo. He bought it from, somebody had built it up. It had like 7 and change horsepower at the wheels. And the guy put a really stiff clutch in there, thought he'd ruined the car. Tanner bought it, drove it home from, I think he got it in Arizona, changed the clutch, took it. I think it's called BBI is a place he took it.

And changed the clutch, did a bunch of little tuning on it. So it's six and change at the wheels now. And that sucker is so stupid fast and just absolute screamer well look how much better that looks in that disgusting magnus walker paint job that's the same car you're looking at the same car but that car looks bitchin it doesn't look like some freak carbon makes everything better though the carbon fiber hood's pretty wicked i mean it's just it's an amazing car i I had a GT, a 1996, rather, turbo, just like his,

the same one, the 996 turbo, but mine was a hunk of shit. Mine broke down five times. It almost queered me off of... Is that... Are you allowed to say that? I don't know if that's a...

Can you say it like that? I didn't mean gay. You know, like, I was like, ah, these are too weird. They just break too much. I mean queer as in odd. Oh, sure. I wouldn't say queered off. I don't even know why I said that. I don't weird. They just break too much. I mean queer as in odd. Oh, sure.

I wouldn't say queered off. I don't even know why I said that. I don't think I've ever said that before. It's just butter coffee. It's what it is. It's in my blood. But the car broke down five times, like catastrophic failures. Like twice the shift linkage blew where the clutch, like I go to put in the clutch and I move the gear and there's just nothing.

The gear shifter just spinning Around a circle nothing connected to it one time it blew at a red light and it stuck in second gear So I just revved it really high and I pulled out in second gear and I drove to the Porsche dealership in second gear And that was the second time they fixed it. So I was like what in the fuck what what's happening? Then they replaced the engine once there's something no. There was something wrong with the engine. They didn't know what the fuck was. It was making weird noises. They're like, we're going to replace the entire engine.

Like, okay. Great. Good. Whatever. It's a fucking year old car. Replace the engine. Burn this whole thing to the ground. And then the gas gauge broke on the highway.

I had a half tank of gas, but I did not have a half tank of gas. But you didn't. And in the left lane on the 101 near the Hollywood Bowl, the motherfucker ran out of gas, but I did not have a half tank gas. But she didn't. And in the left lane on the 101 near the Hollywood Bowl, the motherfucker ran out of gas. Oh, man, that's the worst. Yeah, it was a shitbox. There you are on the side of the road and everyone knows you. Uh-huh. And there's, well, can I tell you

a little secret? There was a, I saw a good looking food truck about two minutes from here. Yeah. And we were getting a little lunch beforehand. I was like, oh, let's swing in there. And I caught just enough of the curb with the tire that when the tire came off of it the noise was so loud that i was like okay get back in let's go we can't stop here i bought a car from toyota racing loaned me a lexus rcf beautiful car i'm not getting out at that point because then i'm that guy right who i just don't you just don't need more of that and your life turns out

being in the cars don't especially if they're like you're that guy. Right. You just don't need more of that in your life turns out. Yeah. Being in the cars. Especially if they're like, you're that guy from Top Gear. Hey. Hey, you just fucked up that car, man. I saw you hit that curb. What happened? There's nothing you can do about it, man. You just ride it out. If you drive enough, you're gonna hit a fucking curb every now and again. Here he is in downtown LA going sideways around

these regular streets in that GT2. So sick. In the tunnels. Yeah, people don't appreciate it, like what it takes to drive like that. They don't. You really have to know when to come in, when to go out, where the turn is,

when to hit the gas. There's like so much knowledge and experience that goes into driving a car like that. And the consequences are death. There's not a lot of gray area. Yeah, this isn't a video game you're getting good at. You're driving a fucking 600-horsepower car that weighs a little bit over 3,000 pounds. Have you ever gone and either watched or done any drifting? No.

Oh, my gosh. I'm sure I would. It's the most, it's just vehicular shenanigans in one place, right? And that's why, like, I can drift, but my transitions suck, right? Mine feel like I stole a car, whereas Tanner, like, you could hold a cup of coffee and never move it because he's just so good at moving. It's like when they come down to Long Beach or Irwindale, I think Irwindale is going to be a mall now or something.

Is it really? Yeah. Finally. They fought that for years but man watching what those guys in formula drift can do is i mean it's the stuff we did in parking lots in high school right but now it's a sport and they're so good i did a lot of that in uh high school because we had snow so our drifting was snow created like i learned how to drive from driving in snow because that's when the ass end kicks out it's like that's the skills you need it's really the same skills it's why we pray for snow end kicks out, it's like that's the skills you need.

It's really the same skills. It's why we pray for snow in the South. I've seen it snow like five times in my life. And I bought some of the cars from Top Gear, so I don't know. We built a 4x4 school bus that was jacked up on 44s with a snow plow. I don't know if you ever saw it. It had a flamethrower on the roof. Well, I knew they were going to crush it and cut it up

because they couldn't really sell it to the public. I said, let me buy it. I'll take it home. Shipped it home to Georgia. Did you really? Did you own that? Yes. Got it. Tagged. What do you do with it? I've taken my daughters to school in it. We drive it around for Halloween.

Do you really? It still has a snowplow on the front. As you can imagine, it snowed once in the last 10 years in Georgia. And we made the news because everybody got on the interstate at the exact same time. So it melts the snow with the fire blaster? Yeah. Turns out there was a Celica under there. There was a Toyota Celica under there.

Really? Yeah, we left a note. It'll be fine. It was in Maine. That was in Caribou, Maine at the old Air Force Base that's right there. Okay. And so Canada is just on the other side of that shot. And this is one of those places where

I think they called them Minutemen, where you had to be able to get from where you were sleeping to an airplane in 60 seconds in case Cold War... Were you attacked by the Russians? Right. So there's all these tunnels underneath where we were shooting, and we had to have all sorts of clearance to be out there.

It was awesome. Whoa. And then I bought the bus. How much did they sell that to you for? I got a very good deal. It cost more to ship at home. It was a lot to ship it. I'm not going to lie.

Because you have to put on a low boy, because no truck that delivers cars can get through. You know, they have like 13 or 14 clearance getting across the country. So when it's already at like 12 feet, you have kind of a problem. Did you think about driving it? For about five seconds. I mean,

on 44-inch super swaffers, I can't imagine what the mileage would be. Probably like two. Yeah. Two miles per gallon. And there's 197,000 miles on it. And Tanner drove it and didn't kill it. It now says the magic school bus on the side. I put a stereo in there.

It's really fun. But we gassed it up, got it ready for it to snow in January. And we didn't even get rain at my house. Really? It was just, it's so defeating. But snow, you're right. Dude, snow driving is, I mean, that's just some of the best out there. Parking lots and snow, that's what dreams are made of.

Yeah, that's where I learned how to drive in the snow, in the parking lot. It's just, it's the best. Yeah, because it's so gentle, the way you're going sideways. It's like, it doesn't feel like, when you're going sideways on concrete, it feels very violent. Right. It's like, on paved surfaces. But if you're going in the snow, it feels very violent. Right. It's like, on paved surfaces. But if you're going in the snow, it's like, whoo-hoo.

I remember this girlfriend that I had back in Boston took the car that I had to a parking lot once. And for like an hour, all we did was like gun it, and then I'd slam on the e-brake. I'd turn the wheel and slam on the e-brake. We'd spin around in circles. We were just laughing and laughing. It was fun. Nothing happens to the car. The car's fine.

That's basically what drifting is. Because you think about the beating your car takes on concrete when you do that. Right. All the friction. And everything that's rubbing, but on snow, you just glide. And there are ice driving schools. I know. Tanner taught at one in Colorado for years.

So, again, one of the reasons he's so good at what he does. But it's basically like a little road course they have, and they wait for it to snow, and then they put a little water on it and ice it over, and you take BMWs out there and learn how to handle a car in the ice. Like, what a great idea. It's a great idea, and apparently it really translates. Sure. One of the things that I w I almost got a motorcycle a long time ago, but I saw a bunch of people crash. I saw, I saw two crashes and a friend of mine saw somebody get hit. Some guy who was at a red light and somebody was texting hit this dude and he went flying

through the air. And I was like, that's it. Fuck that. And my two friends that got hurt, they got hurt pretty bad. Um, but I was thinking about getting it fuck that and my two friends that got hurt they got hurt pretty bad um but I was thinking about getting one and my friend said who rode all his life he said get a dirt bike said get a dirt bike and learn how to drive in the dirt because when you when you have that loose surface you get used to the ass and kicking out on you and it becomes normal because natural you won't panic so I think it's the same thing with snow and ice and totally probably directly translates driving on the ice I think so because it's again it's all of that you know it's that overseer the under all of those things that you would feel in a

smooth safe environment you would feel you would feel they're all these guys drifting yeah that's that's how close they are to each other that's Turk up front Freddy Oswald's in the back. You know who these people are? Yeah, dude, I love this stuff. This is my MMA right here, for the record. This is my stuff. So he's from...

He lives up in New Hampshire. Freddie's from Sweden, I think. But both of those cars, so those start out... Frederick Osbo, that's a front-wheel drive Scion TC converted to rear-wheel drive. It's got a turbo four-cylinder in there. Turk's car has a turbo super swap in it. Gigantic turbo. It's a FRS.

So you take this really seriously. I just love it. It's just the most fun you can have in a car. But it's just going sideways. It's basically, these guys, what they do is they have these clipping points, right? And they try to get as close to the clipping point as they can. It has to do with their speed of entry, the angle of the car, and they've got this huge e-brake that they've got.

The brakes are as big for the rear wheels as they are for the front because they've got to clutch kick it and pull the e-brake. So they're pulling it on a lever. Right. Like that Ken Block Mustang video, which is amazing, that four-wheel drive Mustang video. What do they call that? Hoonigan?

Yes. Love the Hoonigan, guys, but they have a funny name for that. The Hoonicorn. Yes. That Mustang is such a bad mammer jammer, but what those guys do in that amount of precision. Look at that fucking thing. That's that car. And so the e-brake is a big part of being able to do that, huh?

Right. The way they bring the car around. So especially in drifting, those guys have to get as close to each other as they can, right, while still keeping the line, trying to get as close to these different, like, clipping points as they can. So he's slamming on the e-brake to make these turns. And the way these guys have to use the clutch at the same time they're using the e-brake to get it to slide without killing everything, and then they get back on it a guy like von getting jr who drifts a mustang he is full throttle the whole time and modulates just with the clutch and that's like next level

stuff that i can't i can only do 11 things at one time i can't add a 12th so when watching him go out there tanner has a VW Passat, converted it to rear-wheel drive, and used a LS7 from a Z06. No, it's basically like the Chevy Copo Camaro engine. That's a 600-horsepower engine, right? Uh-huh, and then they tune it. He's got nine. Oh, my God.

He's got nine to the wheels out of Tanner's new car. Wait a minute. Nine to the wheels in what kind of car is it? It looks like a Volkswagen Passat. So on the outside, it's a fucking shitty Volkswagen commuter car. And the inside, it has 900 horsepower to the wheels.

Yes. That's insane. It's badass. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. I just wish Volkswagen would build something like a little bit like that. It would make them much cooler. Now, let me ask you this, because Mustang people are so weird, that Ken Block video. Right. What did they think

about that car? Because he took, was it a 65? Yeah, I think it's a 65 or 66. And they basically had to stretch it and make it kind of fit. And they turned it into a four-wheel drive. Right. Did everybody freak out? They lose their fucking minds? I think, I mean, that car made the cover of Hot Rod magazine.

So it transcended, like, people like me that love import cars and high horsepower. It was like, no, I'm just going to trump everyone with this ridiculous car. So I think that's one of those ones that Ken also can kind of get away with stuff like that because... He's Ken Block. He's Ken Block, and he kind of just... You have to dig that he can do what he wants to do because he made it work. But yeah, that's Tanner's Passat. What a ridiculous human being.

Right? 900 horsepower V8 Volkswagen Passat. It's an LS. So he's racing in Daytona this week, and he does that Global Rallycross series, which is a lot of fun It's basically him and Ken Block and about ten other people Wrecking the crap out of each other. There's not a single person out there that knows how to pass besides Tanner That gets them. It's really fun to watch but it's just It's insanity. These cars are so that I just don't understand why like why would you do that to an ugly car? Like I mean, why wouldn't you do that to an ugly car like i mean

why wouldn't he do that to a car that's like a really cool car like why do that because he's sponsored by because he's sponsored by volkswagen oh okay so he races their stuff in grc and then did some world rallycross stuff with him but the coolest part is that he convinced him to let him do it like that's what i love yeah because i, so I have a Scion XB at home, like the little boxy one, that the same people that built that car, Papa Doc is Racing,

built this one, and my buddy Johan used to own it. It's converted to rear-wheel drive. The back of the car thinks it's a Mark IV Supra, like complete subframe,

just like Tanner's car. And then it has a 2JZ Supra swap in there with a six-speed. And Yo had a line lock put in. If you look up DTA XB, you would find it. Papa Docus Racing? Yeah, Stefan Papa Docus.

What a great name, by the way. Super guy. Like, coolest nerd you'll ever meet. He's like the doctor. He's like the mad scientist up there. But this XB has a line lock, so you can step on the brakes to hold the button and it holds the front brakes right So then you rev it up drop the clutch, and it's a smoke show out of a scion that looks like a front-wheel drive car oh

That's hilarious. That's so really fun stuff out there man. If you if you make it to Atlanta you got to come drive it It's really fun. I get it, but the cars are ugly If you make it to Atlanta, you got to come drive it. It's really fun. I get it, but the cars are ugly. That's what I don't understand. Taking these ugly cars and turn them into these amazing driving vehicles. Wouldn't you want to invest that same amount of energy into something that looks great?

No? Well, that's a fair point, Joe. I hadn't really thought about it from that. I mean, for me, when I saw this car in Super Street, I was like, oh like oh well that's that's it because for me i've got three daughters right so i can't like i can't have a 911 because that's a date night car right beyond that i can't afford one but let's pretend for a second i can afford it i love it i i still can't have one because i just don't need just a car for me and my wife like i want my girls to be able to come with me. So that Scion, they can ride with me. I can have three car seats in there.

Oh, God. And go a thousand miles an hour. Uh-huh. They're a tiny bit embarrassed by it because it's really, it sounds great. It had Magnaflow do a nice custom exhaust when it was here, right? It's got a great growl to it.

But when the boost starts to build, it's got this huge single turbo. I mean, it'll pin you back. And you see, it's four, I think it's like 425 to the rear wheels. And a car is very light, right? Maybe 3,000 pounds. Maybe, right? They cut a lot of stuff out to put that swap in. Including anything safety

wise. Well, I, the best part is... It's a fucking bread, it's a lunchbox. Yeah. You drive around in a lunchbox with wheels. But it's got air conditioning because I wanted my wife to ride in it with me. So when I bought it out here, I took it to my friends at TRD, and I told the guy, Chuck, I said, can you see?

It looks like there's a vintage AC. Vintage Air is this company that makes old hot rod kits, right? So there was a control panel for a vintage air thing in there, and I said, can you check and see if we could make it have air conditioning? He looked, he's like, yeah, I'm just just gonna bolt up a Supra AC compressor and charge it. You'll be fine What foreign tree horse at 425 horsepower and a thing that looks like insane well companies like vintage air so important because they made those Old hot rods livable right because if you drove in one of those old hot rods most of them didn't have any AC and if they Did it was a joke yeah, it was not it was like the swamp cooler Yeah of what you put underneath.

But my wife will actually ride in stuff with me. That makes a big difference. I understand. I do understand. That definitely makes a big difference. What were you doing before you were hosting Top Gear? So they found me. They found you.

Like in the woods. I was a man and a woman. When they found each other. They found me, believe it or not, from YouTube, from a clip that somebody had loaded up, that I was traveling with the Speed Channel. I started with them in 05 from a Craigslist ad. Love Craigslist. Really? I'm the number one Craigslist fan.

I found this ad on there that this national motorsports company was looking for a marketing guy that could be an MC. And so I sent all my stuff in and it was one of those like terrible interviews. I'm not going to get this job. And then two weeks later, like, Hey, go down to Daytona. So you got the gig. So go down to Daytona. And I, I like kind of knew a little bit about NASCAR, you know, I knew Petty and Wallace Earnhardt, but I didn't know much else besides that. Went to school for marketing. So all of a sudden, I want to be around cars. That was always my plan. So I started as a DJ for this big speed stage that would go to all the races. So I was out here at Fontana twice a year.

I was at all the other races. And I kept begging them to let me do something on TV, and they finally let me a year later. And then I think a year after that, oh seven, uh, John Schneider from the Dukes of hazard came to Atlanta motor speedway to be the grand Marshall. And they said, Hey, would you do this little piece with this guy? Um, he does kind of lighter side of racing. You guys do something. We found a general lead to borrow and we shot this whole piece riding around in the generally. And the whole time I refused to call him John. I would only refer to him as beau and i kept being like so beau um daisy's not your real cousin right he's like no that's a that's an actress uh katherine bach but so like if she was not

your real cousin like you guys ever you know go to dinner or see a movie or... And so he starts, he's like, yeah, good friends, really enjoyed it. And so a race fan, who I don't know who, loaded that clip onto YouTube illegally. This guy, John Hessling, who's our executive producer, saw it in, I don't know if he was here or still in the UK at that point, and he was like, this kid might be funny. He was looking at everybody that had been on tv for cars like the last 10 years and so this rate the craziest part about my life is that this person who i don't know who loaded this video up is the person that like i feel like is the reason i got top gear because you ever find that person no i don't know who it is because the video got kicked off because it was copywritten well i guarantee you that person is gonna find out

that they got you that game somehow through the grapevine I want to take them to a race I want to say that I want to do something because like I didn't have an agent I was in the phone book like I was Just a kid trying to hustle and try to figure out how I'm gonna make this TV thing work. That's a great story. Thanks, man That's amazing. I love Craigslist. Yeah, I guess you should that's I mean, it's a little Craigslist is like a little bit filthy they get a little dirty but that's what human beings are all about really everything's everything's got a little bit of turds on it one craigslist a little bit of poop there's a little bit yeah well there's a lot of weird you know men seeking women seeking men seeking women seeking this seeking that if you're i'll be honest, that, what is it? Missed Connections?

What's that? That is this section of Craigslist where it's like, hey, saw you in the coffee shop. You ordered the latte. No way. I had the muffin. That's some of the best reading. If you're bored or if you're a person that reads a lot when you're taking a dump, that is joy. It's like people who've seen too many Tom Hanks movies and believe that they just missed out on the one.

Like they saw her order that pumpkin spice latte. I love pumpkin spice lattes. I knew it was her and I just, I didn't have the courage, but now I do. And I need to find her. You have to, you honestly, you're going to have to look at these because some of them are so, we forget because you probably don't spend time with like, my friends are just pretty normal people. I don't spend time with people that are genuinely just out of their mind crazy. And that's an entire section for those people.

We had a guy like that on Fear Factor once. And he met a girl, I believe it was at a concert, and spoke to her briefly. And wanted to win Fear Factor because he knew that she was the one and he needed to find her again. And he spent some insane amount of time and money going around the city and where he met her, putting up flyers. And so he put up all these flyers and all these people that contacted him that weren't that girl, you know, that were fucking with him. And he was, like, super determined. But he had done it for like a couple of years.

And they thought it was funny when we first talked about having this guy on the show. Like, he's got a great story. You got to hear the story. So I heard the story. I go, dude, imagine if that was your fucking sister. Imagine if that was your daughter. Imagine if that was your girlfriend. That's not a great story.

Right. I go, that guy's a fucking maniac. He's nuts. And, you know, who knows like where he's not a great story. Right. I go, that guy's a fucking maniac. He's nuts. And, you know, who knows, like, where he's going to take it. Right. You know, who knows if he's murder suicidal, you know. And what if she just, what if he said to her, like, hey, can I get a napkin? Sure.

What if that was the entire conversation? Well, it was a very brief conversation. I forget the nature of the conversation, but it was extremely brief. But I remember being really creeped out by him. Really creeped out, like, when we had him on the show. There was a lot of decision-making that went into getting on those shows that I didn't agree with. A lot of people made it onto the show where I was like,

fucking really? You want to put this guy on TV? Are you out of your mind? He's a crazy person. There was a guy that I almost got into a fist fight with. I had to restrain him. It was the same thing. It was a guy who beat his girlfriend up on one

TV show. He threw her to the ground on a TV show and attacked some fucking guy on VH1 and then got in my face and I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. I said to them, why are you putting these crazy fucks that you know are crazy fucks on TV? Do you understand that this is irresponsible? This is not a smart thing

to do. What did the producers say to that? Um, they didn't give a fuck. Yeah, right? They're trying to make money, and the way to make money is to have crazy people on TV. That's it. You know, and my point of view was, like, I had to host it, you know, and these people were kind of dangerous,

and, you know, you're on rooftops with them and shit in downtown LA. It's 30 fucking stories up. There's a lot of weird shit that could happen on those rooftops. Someone could push somebody. Somebody could jump. And we had some really nutty fucks that made it on that show. But that guy, the guy I almost got in a fight with, and that guy that was trying to find that girl, they stood out like, Jesus Christ.

Because I looked in his eyes while I was talking to him, and there was nobody there. Right. It was just this mist of consciousness. He was like a child in a man's body who thought he was in a movie and thought that he's just going to keep going until he finds the right girl. And as the show went on, a couple days in and and hanging out with this guy you get deeper and deeper into who he really is and he's creepier and creepier right and weirder and weirder and then even the producers by the third day was like we made a mistake we shouldn't have this guy on the show and we like we only hope they're right my

bad we were like we only hope he never finds that girl you know can I can I ask cuz I was such a big fan what what was news radio like because when i watched that show and and saw i mean what an amazing group of people you got to work with like that when you look back on that time like how does that rank because you've done some really cool stuff turns out well for sure it it fucked me up it queered me off of uh sitcoms forever really yeah i'd never do another sitcom because it would never be that good because it was so it It fucked me up. It queered me off of sitcoms forever. Really? Yeah. I'd never do another sitcom because it would never be that good.

Sure. It was just so lucky. And I had gotten to do a show before that for Fox that was terrible. It was called Hardball. It was a baseball sitcom. Okay. It wasn't horrible because of the creators. It was one of those situations where really funny guys who wrote with Married With Children,

they wrote for The Simpsons, they created a show, and then the show became, once it went on television, they took it away from them, and then they brought in some hacks, and it just became, it was gross. So that got canceled really quick. So I went from that to news radio, which was the total opposite. Sure. The guy running the show is a genius. The writers were fantastic.

The scripts were insanely funny, and the people were. Sure. The guy running the show is a genius. The writers were fantastic. The scripts were insanely funny and the people were so talented. And I had no acting experience. I had taken a few acting lessons because they forced me into taking it when they gave me this big development deal.

No way. It was all based on stand-up. And all of a sudden, I'm out in Hollywood and I totally feel like a fraud. I totally feel like I don't belong. And I'm on the greatest sitcom of all time.

Yeah. It was madness. But it was one of the I'm on the greatest sitcom of all time. Yeah. It was madness. But it was one of the greatest things about it was that it never got any recognition. So no one ever got a big head because no one ever got famous from it. It was just... Right. We barely survived every year. And the one year that I thought that we weren't going to get canceled was the year we got

canceled. Because I was like, well, they didn't cancel us after Phil Hartman gotman got murdered right we're probably not going to get canceled right but then it just didn't work it just didn't work with john lovitz it's not that what lovitz isn't funny it's just it was it was fucked it was right he was dead you know the whole thing was just you know even though there was andy dick was still on the show and vicky Vicki Lewis and Maura Tierney was still amazing and Dave Foley was still, it was like having Phil dead was always going to be a part of what was wrong. It just didn't work. It was just fucked. And that time was such a, you know, it was a really interesting landscape for TV

because there weren't a ton. There's also like, if we look back at that time, I don't remember a lot of other shows that I really liked and could sit there because it was such a good ensemble of so many people that brought different things. Whereas normally there's like, there's alpha male and then there's two other sort of people, right? But like, that was a fantastic mix of people. It was a weirdo group. Yeah. It was a very weirdo group. None of us, we were all It was a weirdo group. Yeah. It was a very weirdo group.

None of us, we were all outliers. We were all weirdos. Like, even Phil was a weirdo. Dave Foley was as weird as it gets. Yeah. Andy Dix, the weirdest human that's ever walked the face of the planet. I was weird. I didn't belong.

No one belonged, you know. We all had some weird bond because of that, though. We all felt like we didn't fit in. Sure. And so, like, when we would do like we'd have guest stars it would be like real actors we'd be like ew what's this what's this method acting he's doing we would have guest stars and they would like talk actor talk like industry talk like just a way that actors talk they pick up this uh this sort of acquired vernacular and one of the things that i say they when they meet someone they never say hey nice to meet you like you Did and I do normal stuff they say good to see you

Because they're hoping that they didn't meet you and forget you because they don't give a fuck about you They're so constant. They're concentrating on themselves wholly and and and exclusively so To mitigate that what they do is they say good to see you and so it becomes this thing that they all say So when you meet someone they say good to see you and so it becomes this thing that they all say when you meet someone? They say good to see you and they're an actor fucking run Okay, they've adopted this actor think sure and they would read like the what I would call the devil's rag Like the Hollywood Reporter right they would read that shit and get angry God How does he have a show God?

How does she have a show and they would like that shit like shit would happen when we have guest stars. Sure. We would do that, and we would be like, ugh. So it was a weird combination of a bunch of people that were just weirdos. They didn't fit the mold of a standard sitcom. And no one went on to do a sitcom since. None of them. I didn't think about that. You're right, though.

No one did. Vicky did one for a little bit. That didn't think about that. You're right, though. No one did. Vicky did one for a little bit. That didn't work out. Steven Root went on to do amazing work in Office Space, and he was fantastic in that fucking HBO, what is that, the HBO documentary, the HBO show, what the fuck is a show about liquor, about bootleg liquor sales? Oh, liquor sales boardwalk Empire? Yeah, boardwalk Empire He was amazing in that. I mean, he's just a fucking brilliant actor He was a one guy that wasn't himself on the show to like like what they would do is they take the wackiest shit about like

Andy and exaggerated wacky shit about me and exaggerate it but Steven Root like if you met, he's nothing like Jimmy James. Right. Jimmy James is this wacky character that he developed. Yeah. But he's just a brilliant, brilliant actor. You know, just to the bone. I was listening to you one day and you were talking about the difference.

And I'm sorry, I can't remember if it was stand-up that I was watching you or the podcast. But you were talking about the difference between comedians and actors. And how essentially actors have to get up every day and pretend to be someone else. They never really, like, they don't know who they are, whereas comedians, like, know who they are, and that's what they talk about. But even in my limited experience in that town, I don't, like, I'm really lucky.

I don't ever have to wake up and wonder who to be. I can't imagine what that's truly like to dive into someone so much that you essentially get paid to lose yourself each time. And then you have to move on and do it again. Like, that's a lot harder, I think, that people know. Well, Stephen Brute, who's the one guy who did that on the show, he doesn't have any problems knowing who he is. He's a really nice guy. Yeah.

Like, super easy to like. You get to know him. He's, like, very warm and friendly like easy going guy and he just loves the craft of creating a character like it's he has the most pure intention out of any actor person i've ever met like his his love is really of creating you know that steve buscemi character that you remember from that movie that you know that Steve Buscemi character that you remember from that movie that you know that Russell Crowe character they like fuck he nailed it you know like that he just loves nailing a character I mean, that's he's just a master actor

He's just a master at that and there's a difference between those people and the people that just want to be famous And they want to be famous as an actor, so there's there's a lot of weirdness in that craft There's a there's a giant percentage of the people that want to do it are Massively damaged people sure which is why they feel like they should be famous right? It's like they got fucked over when they were children or when they were you know? Adolescents or whatever the fuck happened to them that led them to have this insatiable desire to be thought of as special. And once they get it, that's when they become maniacs, right? Like everybody's heard the story of the person who's got their own sitcom and then they become maniacs. I mean, I've, I've met them. I've seen them, you know, I've talked to them. I had Roseanne on and she was telling me about how

fucking crazy she went when she got a sitcom. You know, she was like, I was fucking crazy, completely crazy. Like she'll, she would tell you. And she was a great got a sitcom. You know, she was like, I was fucking crazy. Completely crazy. Like, she'll, she would tell you. And she was a great stand-up comic, in my opinion. Like, one of the top ten greatest of all time. Like, Roseanne's in my, as far as, like, revolutionary influential stand-ups, I think,

for her time. Like, she's a top ten. Sure. And she went crazy. They all go crazy. And she seems totally chill now. Oh, yeah. And I don't know if that's just perspective over time or what. I think it's that. She got rid of Tom Arnold. That helped.

My poor guy. He is crazy. Fuck him. Fuck him. You know why he married her. Get the fuck out of here. I don't mean that. That's ridiculous. I just mean, like, I feel like that's one of those guys, if you watched 12 hours of just his life you'd be like shit yeah i mean that dude's crazy i i met him i did that best damn sports show when he was on he's a nice guy yeah but you know he took his shot he had to do what he had to do married roseanne did what he

had to do and then it didn't work out it's weird man some days my wife will be like hey can we um can we hang this painting and i'm like uh probably like man the kid's going to bed early like that it's a different negotiation i think when you're married but like his was like you might have to marry roseanne barr to have a career right that's just i'm saying she's lovely that's just a different kind of negotiation for the record that was yeah he sold his soul i know what you're saying thank you you did yeah i didn't want to say that you like you will trade sex for hanging up the painting sure you'll make a deal just housework just what you gotta do i get it i get it that's a good move but that's like everybody wins it's like nobody got hurt there.

You marry someone you love. Everybody's happy. He sold his soul. But he got out of it. He's alive. Do you get a refund on your soul? What do you think happens at that point? Or do you feel like once it's gone? He will always be Mrs. Roseanne Tom Arnold. The devil. He has a very fucking steep price

that he puts on everything. It's a big number out here, man. I mean, she's a super talented woman, but she was 300 pounds and, you know, he did what he had to do. What do you think, what was her husband on that show? John? John Goodman? Yeah.

Amazing. One of those guys that I watch, I mean, just, I can't, from Big Dan Teague in Oh Brother Where Art Thou to just anything he does, he's one of those people I watch and go. How about the Big Lebowski? Right? That fucking character from the Big Lebowski that wasn't even Jewish. You're not even Jewish, man.

Shoma Shamas. Did you find out he wasn't Jewish? I don't turn on the TV. I don't turn on the stove. And I sure as shit don't fucking roll. Shoma Shamas. He had the gun he had the fucking... Shomer Shama. He had the gun he would pull out when someone violated bowling rules. Am I the only one who gives a shit about the rules?

What a great... What a fucking character. Look at... There he is. Just... Oh, I love him. Just tremendous. He's amazing, man.

I can get you a toe by three o'clock with nail polish. Like, what? How do you channel? I'm finishing my coffee. It was just conviction of that being that crazy. Well, I mean, he just created a... Well, first of all, Coen Brothers movies are my all-time favorite movies. Amazing.

Amazing. Like, when I saw Donald Trump was running for president the other day, I said, we live in a Coen Brothers movie. It's official. Seriously? Because, like, his fucking slob this is goofy slob is gonna run his ego just pouring out of his ears have you ever met him no weird dude and i'm sure we met him we did something on top gear where we were trying to convince him to like pick one of

these cars that that we had each pick for this celebrity we found out like halfway through it's for donald trump and he basically was like uh this guy looks gay. He's looking at Tanner. He's like, I think this car, you look gay, so the car is probably for a gay person. And whatever Tanner, I don't remember what kind of car he had picked, but Tanner's like, what?

What, did y'all tell, did you tell Donald Trump to make fun of me that I look like I'm a... That's just what he does. I just, he just went for it, and then he was like, Adam, I'll take your... Was he trying to be funny?

I think he was, but he's one of those people that I don't think he can hear other people. I think maybe he can read lips a tiny bit, but he walks into the room, and all you do is you look at his hair, man. You can't. There is nothing. An asteroid could have hit the earth next door, and you'd still be like, man. What's going on up there? How do you do that? Like, how do you get up every day and you say, yeah, this is the look?

Well, you know what, what weirds me out? Here's you and him. What weirds me out is it's not like he's going bald. Is he? I don't think so. I think he's just, he just moves it around in some weird way or doesn't want to cut it or it's his signature look. But it seems like there's too much hair up there for him to be going bald.

It's just, I... Well, you've been there in real life, so what... You can't see through it. Do you remember the hair spray that looked like hair follicles? Yes. I don't know if it's like, that's in there. It's not a rug. It's something.

It's not a good look. It's just, God, you can't take your eyes off of it. I just don't understand. I mean he can't think it looks good Dude's so kind of weird cuz New York doesn't actually like him that much nobody likes him right? How could you like him? He's a dick he puts his face on everything, but he's like he's so aggressive with his like dickiness like I remember he had this feud with with With the fuck's her name? Who was it with? God damn it.

Oh, with Rosie O'Donnell. That's who it was. Yes. He had this feud with Rosie O'Donnell, and he was on TV. He's like, well, Rosie's a loser. Basically, she's a loser. Right. Okay.

Let's think about who's listening to this. You're talking about a multi-millionaire movie star, world-famous comedian. Right. And you're talking, and a camera's on you, and it's broadcasting to the rest of the world. And you're saying this multi-millionaire, world-famous comedian is, in fact, a loser. Well, what are we? Right. What the fuck am I? What am I if she's a loser?

What standards do you have? And how do you feel about yourself? Right. You know, like, this is just nonsense. That guy needs mushrooms in his life in a bad way. There you go. He needs to get in a tent in the middle of the desert and eat a fucking giant bag of mushrooms and really find out

how the rest of the world sees him. Just sweat it out. Ridiculous. I think he needs to go to like a Sears and pick out a washer and dryer on like a Thursday night. Like, I think he needs to go to like a Sears and pick out a washer and dryer on like a Thursday night. Like I think he maybe just feel like what life is kind of like. But like those are the kind of people that I see and like his wife

Malia? Malaria? Malaria. Something with an M. Whatever her name is. Larium. That's one of those girls that I would look at her and then look at him and think there's no way you guys have ever had a conversation, right? No, you look at her, then look at him and think, there's no way you guys have ever had a conversation, right? No, you look at her, you look at him, and you go, do you know who Tom

Arnold is? He did what you're doing. But he did it with a woman. Right? I see what you're doing. I get you. It's alright. Hey, look, it's better that than working at Wendy's. If these are your odds, what do you want to do? Suck Donald Trump's dick or get a lot of money?

Do you get free Frosties? Jesus Christ, son, you did well You did well, Donald, I gotta give you that with your wacky hair If you're into that If you're into what, tens? Yeah, who's into that? Who's into hot chicks? That keep their mouth shut I was really thinking for her

Oh, she's not into that I know She's probably pilled up, she probably like stays on a steady oxycontin drip throughout the entire day and just just stays mellow and weird look at that gelatinous facial thing he's got going on too where it's really the color just rolls into his neck color is really interesting of that hair too i'm telling you i hope you meet him just, I hope not necessarily that you meet him but just that you're in,

in your life, you end up in the same room and just test my theory. I honestly, I couldn't look away. Well, the moment, if I did meet him,

the moment he gets dicky, I go, I will grab your fucking hair. I will get my hand in there and I will find out what's going on. So you might want to shut the fuck up.

What are you going to do? Are you going to beat me up? you gonna beat me up right you call security I bet I get your hair before security gets here I bet I get to your fucking hair dude. Shh. Don't get dicky with me. Just lean in Yes, I don't touch your hair in the later stages of my life or whatever where I'm at I don't have any patience for people like that. I just don't have any desire. I get it. You know, that's the reason why he's so successful. You don't get to be a super fucking billionaire real estate mogul who has his name on every building. The Trump Towers! Right. You don't get that unless you have that sort of an attitude.

So I guess I understand. Stay there. History put us up there once for the upfronts, and I opened the little mini bar, and his face was on the vodka. And I don't know what, for me, I I was like this feels like too much, bro. This is just I feel like you got a draw line somewhere Your face is on the soap or you just go for it Yeah Just go for it if you just keep going like the further and deeper you go into the crazy ego swimming pool It becomes like warmer water because like it gets better. Is that it? Yeah.

It's the more. He can be like the Walt Disney of total douchebag real estate moguls. Is that. Look at that. Trump ice. Yes, he's on the water. Like it was, it felt like Disney World. I couldn't escape his face.

He's got steaks. Trump steaks. Look above that, Jamie. Look at this. I think those are made from manatees. An endangered species. They're polar bear steaks. Yeah, right?

Right when they get sad about the fucking icebergs melting, they shoot them in the fucking head and cut them up, drag them down to New York. Do you think he's ever had a hot dog from a hot dog cart in New York? Yeah, I'm sure he has. I mean, like all bullshit aside, he went fairly bankrupt and then built it right back up again. Good for him. I mean, he really did. He, he hit a point in our lifetime where he like basically was worth what we're worth.

Right. You know, it's like, it just went down to like almost nothing. And then he just shot right back up to being that guy again. It was like one week where he thought, can I go to the grocery store? Do I need to wait a couple days before I go? And then he was like, okay, I'm going to be a millionaire again. I think he never stopped being a millionaire, I think, but it got down to like a million. But he might have had a lot of debt, too.

I forget what the entire story was, but there was a story that I read in one of those magazines, Esquire in New York or something like that. And they were essentially saying that what he's doing right now is pretending that he's rich. And that if you look at like the amount of debt that he had, but he knew how to get rich. I mean, a guy like that knows what the fuck he's doing. And I always wondered, like, do you like to be a Michael Jordan? Don't you have to be kind of crazy, kind of crazy to be that goddamn good at basketball? And to be that fucking deal-making son of a bitch, don't you have to be a real asshole in some ways?

I think you have to trade in, like, okay, look, he claimed his network was $9 billion. We figure it's close to $4 billion, $4.1 billion to be exact. But this is recently now, right? This is yesterday. Yeah, but this is like, look, even if he's worth $4 billion or $9 billion, who gives a fuck? He's a goddamn billionaire. He wasn't a while ago. At one point in time, I want to say maybe 15 years ago, maybe 20, something like that,

he had hit a really bad spot. And there was an issue with him opening up golf courses. Some golf course in Scotland. And this one guy was fighting it. And this one guy, he had land that was outside of the golf course. And they wanted to buy him out. And he wouldn't sell. And it became this huge issue.

Donald Trump's like, this guy's a loser. He won't sell me his property. And the guy's like, I don't give a fuck about him this is my house man yeah but it was it was a fascinating thing it's like this this insane pursuit of just ungodly wealth yeah and that's what he does you know that's his thing and now he's gonna run for president it's weird man I'm all about keeping lights on but sometimes you watch those people that don't know what...

There has to be this good balance of work and hustle and drive and enjoyment. If you're just doing stuff all the time and you can't find anything good out of life, you should probably just check up a little bit. I don't know the dude. Maybe he does find good out of life.

They asked me to be on that Celebrity Apprentice thing. I thought about it for a second. That would have been great, man. I'm not into that, man. I just don't like those shows. I don't like those fake scenarios. I don't like any of that. It just didn't seem appealing to me. It wasn't a fuckload of money. It wasn't

enough money where I was like, hmm. But also, I don't enjoy those kind of does that mean you would dance with the stars or you wouldn't no fucking chance not a chance in hell that's hard by the way i did a part in that movie zookeeper and i had to learn how to dance me and uh leslie bibb we uh we did this this dance scene where we had i had to learn how to dance for fucking weeks i had to take dance lessons that's awesome this, that's awesome. This, you know, and they were like, you should totally do dancing with the stars. Like, fuck you. I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. No chance. And now it's not

even dancing with the stars. It's like dancing with the used to be stars like a long time ago. Dancing with the internet sensations, dancing with the people, you kind of know who they are like, or dancing with the people who someone out there knows. The Bachelor guy was just on there. I don't know. I don't have a nice way. He was from Iowa. Those are the people that I'm proud.

Like when I go to the supermarket and I see Us Weekly and I look at the cover. What I love is when I look at the cover, I don't know anybody. I'm like, good, I don't know who the fuck any of these people are. You know? Good. Oh, Dominic is mad at De mad at Deborah who the fuck is Deborah? Who's Dominic right? Are they talking about good? I'm glad I don't know I'm glad I'm out of that cultural loop. It's strange, man I'm not sure why I'm sure you think about this. I'm just not sure why people care about Some of the people that we do it's not really that we care. It's that they broadcast people. This is what I've thought about this long and hard for a long time. When you have something like television,

and it's something that is just a natural thing that people come home, they turn it on, and they sit there and they veg out. I have children too. Sure. And, you know, like if I want my kids to chill for a second and just like sit down, like if I need to do something, look, daddy has to make a business call. So I'm going to put on one episode of a show. What show do you want to watch?

And then they'll sit down. They fucking zombie out. Right. For that 20 minutes or 22 minutes, whatever the show's on, their jaws open up and they sit there. I want a drink. Okay, get a drink. Here's your drink. Here's your chip.

You want some chips? Okay, here's your snack. Here's your cheese stick. Okay, I'll be right over here if you need me. And I know they're not going anywhere. Right. But there's something that happens Here's your chip. You want some chips? Okay, here's your snack. Here's your cheese stick. Okay, I'll be right over here if you need me. And I know they're not going anywhere. Right. But there's something that happens when people watch TV. They just lock in.

Well, if you get used to that thing being on, well, you'll watch almost anything. And that's how Keeping Up With The Kardashians is still on the air. Because people sit down there and they watch. They just sit there. I was getting to buy this purse, but then I couldn't find it. And I was like, oh my God, this is so annoying. And I'm watching it. Right. I just sit there. I was getting by this purse, but then I couldn't find it, and I was like, oh my god, this is so annoying, and I'm watching it! I'm watching it! I'll be in a hotel

room when it comes on, and if they edit it quick enough where it's like one scene to the next scene, one scene to the next scene, like I'm watching a little ping pong match with my eyeballs, for whatever reason, I lock in. I know their names. I know their names. I know the wife. I look at the poor Bruce Jenner bastard before he became a woman I know about all those people sure

for no reason right there's not a goddamn thing they've ever said that has been interesting to me it's not a content thing it's not a quality thing it's not a they they have these in there they're engaging they have these amazing points they're very unique individuals now there's. No, there's none of that. There's none of that. Right. Like, there's a show I really love. It's called Life Below Zero.

You ever seen that show? No, I feel like I've heard of that. It's all these crazy fucks that live north of the Arctic Circle. They live subsistence living. There's this one woman that we had on the show named Sue Akins, and she lives 200 fucking miles plus above the Arctic Circle in this place where you're not allowed to have permanent structure. So she has tents that she built up there. And, like, these covered, you know, circular tents. Right.

It snows like a fuck. There's wolves everywhere. She was attacked by a grizzly bear, okay, broken her hip, bit into her skull, broke her leg. She went back, shot the bear, and ate it. Okay? That's a person I'm interested in seeing. You know what I mean? That bitch is gangster as fuck. She lives crazy.

She's crazy, but she's awesome. She's a really, it's really unique, like, when I had her on the show, sitting and talking to her, because she's so personable. You had her here. Yeah. So she knows there are other places in the world she could live. She likes it up there. She really does.

I mean, I just think people like weird shit. Some people like living in Florida. They like it. They like Florida. Great point. You know, they just decide, like, I'm staying here. She loves it up there. She loves the solitude. She loves the fact that she has to rely on herself. But she's a unique

human. She has a very unique perspective. She's very intelligent. She's very strong and independent. And so that's a person that I want to hear talk. Sure. She's just unique. I don't get any of that from, oh, we went there, and oh, my God, this is so annoying. The air conditioning was not working properly.

And those are not my favorite shoes. And then you watch a nonsense. But as long as that nonsense is on television, a certain amount of people will watch nonsense. Sure. Nonsense in the environment of dating is like always exciting to people. Like who's hooking up with who? Is he going to be with her or is he going to be there?

Is she going to feel rejected or is he gonna feel rejected or is she gonna reject him but then he rejects her oh my god it's amazing there's suffering there's panic people are freaking out right now because it came out that i i guess whoever the current bachelorette is might have slept with a bunch of the guys i've been telling my wife sex with a man i've been telling my wife for years i was like a woman has sex with a man? I've been telling my wife for years. I was like, you know everybody on that show is hooking up. And she's like, no, it's not like that. One of our directors on Top Gear, this guy Gary, was one of the directors for the first couple seasons of Bachelor.

He said, dude, there's a vault with footage. There's a camera everywhere. Right. And we feed these people tons of alcohol and hardly any food. There's video of everybody humping. Like, there's just a whole closet full of weird videos of these people hooking up. Find out who Caitlin sleeps with and the surprising motivation. No, I don't want to find out.

Click that fucking tab. You shut that tab off. I don't want to ever see that again. You keep that out of my life, Jamie. You may want to clear out the Google history just to double. Just clear your history, Jamie. This is enough. I can't do it. I won't. I miss the days of

of... You remember the real world on MTV? That was like people's first sort of look at like, well, I guess if people just sit around and drink all day, they might get into fights about something that's seemingly important. Well, just as a bit of history, the guy who produced the real world world was the producer fear factor my kid not know that yeah Matt Kunitz great guy well I bet he's awesome he was

the guy that forced the people in a drink and come on fear factor was it was it from sure sure something donkey sure was his idea he laughed me when I told him you shouldn't do it I'm like you shouldn't have people drink come he's laughing why not they're gonna do you shouldn't do it. I'm like, you shouldn't have people drink cum? He's laughing. Why not? They're gonna do it. Don't do it. Don't fucking do it. Don't do it. I didn't, I gotta be honest, I didn't watch a ton of the show because I

was just against it. Like, why would you eat like, horse's anus? I'm gonna be honest with you. I didn't watch it either. I watched it maybe three times. The entire fucking 148 episodes. I enjoyed some of the physical things that people would have to do like I get why those were Cool, and so I don't know what like Lake y'all used for some stuff a steak mostly boy

Yeah, that sucker looked it looked cold, and it looked rough some days. I mean this how cold does it get? We're living in California to shake it's down in down to 50. Oh my god. It must have been 60 degrees in there. Water was like 75 degrees. I don't know how they dealt with it. But you've seen one snake on a stranger. I just felt like this is not for me man. Well I get so used to like fucked up things and vomit and like

I'm just so used to it. I'm so like. Just unfazed. Like one time my wife she went to the gym and she had wheatgrass juice right after the gym. She threw up in her car She just couldn't help it. She was on the highway and she threw up in her console. She's like, oh my god I can't even clean it. I'll throw up again. I go I'll clean it. I didn't give a shit big deal Just get in there to me throw up to me was nothing. I saw throw up every day I mean literally every day

I was at work is either someone throwing up or someone thinking they were going to throw up. Once a week, for sure, I saw three or four people throw up. Every week. It was really like preparing you for being a parent, too. Sort of, yeah. Because then you're unfazed. Like when the diapers hit or anything else, you're like, oh, let's get in there. Well, you know what?

That was one thing that really was shocking to me. It wasn't gross at all. Like when it's your baby's shit and you're cleaning out a diaper and you're wiping her and cleaning her. it wasn't gross at all like when it's your baby's shit right and you're cleaning out a diaper and you're wiping her and cleaning her it's not gross at all you just feel like all this poor little thing I gotta help her I gotta help her out when your own when it's your uncle at a wedding you're like this guy's got a problem exactly this weirdo drunk bastard shit crap just pants again fucking savage the little ones old are your kids? The little ones are

seven and five. Seven and five. That means you've seen like Doc McStuffins. Oh yeah. Of course. Doc McStuffins. I watch it all the time. I like to call her Dr. McStuffins. It drives my girls crazy. Well you know what they think is funny now? They like to watch shows that they already know in other languages and just laugh and laugh.

Yeah. They're like bubble guppies in French. That's the latest. Get out. Plays in the car. That's fantastic. Bubble guppies. Because it just makes them giggle. Because you have daughters too. Right.

People at home are like, yeah, not fantastic. People listening. They don't care. Like Jamie over there. No kid, no girlfriend. Look at him. He's like, fuck kids. You should get some kids, man.

It is a ride. He doesn't even have a dog or a plant. It is a ride. He doesn't even have a dog or a plant. Dude, the beauty is when kids say things that you know aren't wrong, but you're not sure how to help them understand that publicly sometimes they're incorrect. Right. We drove back from Chicago last week. We stopped in a town called Arcola.

I think it was in Illinois. It might have been Indiana. It's something with an I. It's the home of the guy that created the Raggedy Ann and Andy doll. And it just so happens there was a parade. A Raggedy Ann and Andy parade. And kids hear there's a parade, and it's like catnip to children. They just go, oh, my God, we have to see this parade.

And we were just trying to get them out of the car to stretch their legs. So we go, okay, great, we'll see the parade. Big woman comes up on a golf cart, and she tells this high school girl okay plug in the speakers and this girl gets out with a boom box like a disc man and two three inch speakers and she plugs it in with an orange extension cord and my wife turns to me and she says yeah is do you think that's the music i said honey, honey, we just got, it's an exit off the interstate. Let's soak this up. And then suddenly we realize the parade has begun.

Our four-year-old Millie is on my shoulders, Elsie, our seven-year-old, standing. My wife's holding the baby. And so they start, and the first group is about six women dressed as Raggedy Ann, and then one weird dude wearing striped socks. And I don't know how to tell you this, man, but I just felt like saying,

hey, dude, if you're not going to dress up like it, just stand over here with the other 12 of us watching this parade, which is all of 100 yards long. That's way too much. It's like 30 yards long. So the six women go by. Then there's about five high school girls dressed as Raggedy Ann. They walk by.

And then there's the eight girls from about five high school girls dressed as Raggedy Ann. They walk by. And then there's the eight girls from the local high school flag corps. That's the entire parade. It takes maybe a minute and a half. And then Elsie, the seven-year-old, said, Is that it? Real loud. Keep in mind, all of town is there. And then

Millie, the four-year-old, says, That's the worst parade I've ever seen. And she's not wrong. No. But I didn't know how to tell her. Like, ah, you sit there and you're like, all right. All right. How do you do this?

And I said, Millie, that wasn't very sweet. But very honest. Let's just go get some food. Let's get out of here. And I know they tried. But, like, sometimes when kids say stuff, you just don't know how else to be like, you're not wrong, but socially we shouldn't say that out loud. Well, they need to experience that, though.

They need to know that not everything is the Disneyland parade. Right. Not everything is Snow White and the cast of Frozen and all the jazz that you see at Disneyland. It's not all like that. Sometimes in the middle of the country, it's dog shit. It's just a terrible fucking parade. It's not all like that. Sometimes in the middle of the country, it's dog shit. It's just a terrible fucking parade. It's a terrible Raggedy Ann parade. Have you ever taken the drive from L.A. to Vegas?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know there's all those weird towns that you stop off along the way if you're adventurous? Barstow and just desert people. Yeah. Well, Barstow's a great town in comparison to some of the really odd ones.

Well, there was one that was about an hour or so outside of Vegas. I was with a couple of buddies. We were driving down to go. It was a long time ago to go see some kickboxing event, K1 event that was in Vegas. And so we said, well, let's just stop over here and see if we'll go grab something to drink or something like that. So we pulled into this town and they had a Wild West show. And I was like, oh, we are going to see this fucking Wild West show. You have to.

So we got out and they had like a fake gunfight and the whole thing. And like, there's these like shitty fake houses that were like, you know, those movie houses. The little facade fronts. Yeah, you have the front and there's nothing behind it. Like saloon. Right. Bank, you know. And so we got out and they had this whole act and all we could talk

about for like the whole weekend was that fucking shitty wild west show that we stopped off just randomly completely randomly pulled off the road drove a mile pulled in paid our money got out of our car smoked some weed got in and went to see this ridiculous wild west show that was the highlight of our weekend not at the time that was the highlight of our weekend. Not at the time, but became the highlight of our weekend because all weekend we're just making fun of this fucking Wild West show that we saw. And their total commitment, right? That's the part, like when you see it and there's like Wyatt Earp walks out.

It's not a guy who's kind of Wyatt Earp-ish. This son of a bitch believes he is Wyatt Earp. He grew that mustache, curled it at the end. Right? Yeah. Poor bastards. They just, man, they're kind of like the people that believe in doing the reenactments. Oh, yeah. Like, man, I know

how this is gonna end. The best reenactments are reenactments where you know it's a lie in the first place. Like a reenactment of, like, the time you saw Bigfoot. They used to have this fucking show on the SyFy network when I was on. When my show was on Joe Rogan Questions Everything was on the network.

They had this supernatural show that should have just been called The Liar's Hour. Right. Because it was just a bunch of liars. And one of them was these people that said that they were trapped in a house in Maine while werewolves were outside. And they're just going over this whole thing.

And they're, like, talking about it. And then they had, like, the reenactments of them, like, looking out the window and seeing the things. Those are the best, right? Like, they're trapped. Do werewolves not know that glass is super fucking easy to break? You have windows. You're looking out windows. The werewolves, you're protected inside this fucking house from these killing machines.

Yeah. What, because they can't figure out how to break the glass and get the meaty, delicious portions inside? Right. Fuck out of here. Yeah, that's not how that works, man. The werewolves are little. Like, there's one in your lobby that genuinely frightened me.

You think it's going to stop and, like, use the doorbell? No. Well, that's a rubber one. It's really easy. It doesn't weigh that much. You smack it. It's face wiggles. If that was a werewolf.

It's going through your window. It's going to tear apart everybody in the room. But it's just those reenactments, they're cheesy in the first place, but when it's a lie, when you know it's a lie and they're reenacting it. Have you met those ghost hunter guys? Oh, they're the best. Do you like those guys? No, I don't. watching that show cracks me up

Some of my show very nice and some of them really believe But I've why did you two just look at each other with that funny look because we've had a bunch of those guys on that not Ghost hunter guys, but right foot hunter guys. I've had a few of those on the show ones that make the Sasquatch call Oh, yeah, we had that guy that guy's the bad Yeah, he's just shouting The ones that make the Sasquatch call? Oh, yeah, we had that guy on. God, that guy's the best. I had Bubba on. He's just shouting nonsense. Not only that, no one has ever, like, recorded a Sasquatch where you know. It's like, if you do a coyote sound, you know what a coyote sounds like.

Right. You can hear coyotes. They have recordings. You don't know what a fucking Bigfoot sounds like. No. You're just guessing. Because it's made up. Exactly. Because it's not a real thing.

They just yell out into the holler. They yell out into that canyon. How about those dudes in Alabama? The guys in Alabama a couple years ago that had, they said they had one in a deep freezer. That guy had already hoaxed something just a few years before that. Really? Yeah, he had hoaxed it a few years before that.

He said, well, that one was fake, but this one's real. This one's real. This time's real. I got him. Yeah, we got him in the deep freeze. What is this? Paranormal Witness Season 3. Is this the werewolf one? It's the werewolf.

Oh, please play some of this fucking stupid shit. Oh, look, it says Joe Rogan questions everything in the corner. Look at you. Look, these people are reenacting. Is this what the inside of the house would have looked like? Yes. This is the reenactment. I kind of froze. I had looked like? Yes. This is the reenactment. I kind of froze.

I had this weird recurring dream. You got two things playing at the same time. I had a weird recurring dream as a kid that I saw a lumberjack outside my house. He was in a red and black flannel like the one Biggie used to wear. And he had red eyes. And growing up in Alabama, I would see him outside the house and I thought, like, that dude could get in. Right? But it was just a dream. Yeah.

I didn't believe he was actually outside there. Scroll back to that guy talking about how the thing was outside. Well, I heard it, and I just froze. Was he drunk? Dropped his keys, looks like. Do you have to have a mustache to have a really crazy story, or is that sometimes just an added bonus? Listen to this.

Paranormal Witness Season 3. That means they had two other seasons of this shitty show. But if he sees it, I'll see it. He was right there. I was on my Dodge Ram, and that's when I realized I had soiled him pants. This thing was breathing. Is this the worst recreation of all time? Honest question. Is it possible this guy had glaucoma and just

the neighbor had a black lab? It's possible this guy's been sniffing paint since he was three years old and he's got three brain cells inside his head. They're bouncing around off the walls. He's an idiot. He can't even pronounce sentences. It's just amazing. Now he's going down.

That they recreated this. They actually made a show around an obvious lie and recreated it. I just feel bad he left his keys out there. I wonder if they're still there. Well, one of the things when I first started doing the sci-fi show, they were worried that the show was going to be just totally debunking things. And I said, no, I'm going to approach everything with a complete open mind. I just want to find out what are these alien implants

that people keep saying that they find in their bodies? What are crop circles? What are all these things? The problem is once you start looking at it, you realize you're dealing with the same type of human being over and over and over again. You're dealing with these really socially awkward, delusional, bad liars.

Right. And that's a whole industry. There's a whole industry of making shows around the stories of these socially awkward, bad liars. Like, I met one guy within three minutes of meeting him, and I'm not exaggerating. He told me that he saw Bigfoot, that he saw a bulletproof wolf that appeared out of mist, and that he knew a spot where he could regularly summon UFOs. They would come, and these orbs would show up, and they would start moving around you.

And we were looking at each other. It was like, I can't believe we drove out to talk to this fucking guy. Long shot. Is he by any chance unemployed? This guy actually ran his own bar. See, how does a guy like that have a job, though? Like, don't you feel like all his time would be taken up by believing nonsense? He might have lived in Florida or somewhere like that where he could just get away with shit.

I love that Florida is your go-to. Like, what's the craziest place this country has? Florida. It's everybody's craziest place. Well, in the South, it really is. It's the best. That's like we were like, whatever happened to him? Moved to Florida.

Well, I had my friend Jim Florentine was on the podcast the other day. Love him. He's a stand-up comic. Love him. And he moved to Florida when he was a kid. He said because when he went there on vacation, everybody got laid. He was like, shit. He goes, let's just move down here.

Because you realize in Florida, girls would just fuck. Things were crazy. It's just a totally different kind of human being that you're interacting with i love that that was his reasoning that's that is exactly what his reason was so brilliant and pure well if you live in new jersey it's hard to get laid you know if you're a young guy coming up in new jersey it's fucking it's a grind is it yeah it's a grind because all the big hair and like it's just a lot of work it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. They're not that fun. You ever watch Real Housewives of New Jersey?

Once when I was getting it. It's based on real human beings. Those are real human beings. There's the one lady who literally her fucking hair starts an inch above her eyebrows. She has her eyebrows, and then an inch later, she's a monkey. She's essentially some kind of monkey. And they let this lady live with people, and she wound up, she's in jail now for tax evasion. Oh, that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That didn't work out too well. Her husband's an ape. You look at her husband, he looks like a gorilla, like someone shaved down a gorilla, a big, fat Italian gorilla. And that's Jersey. Do you know what I almost miss? What?

What was the MTV show, Jersey Shore? Oh, yeah. Watching that train wreck happen was, you have to admit, like when that dude, the situation was like, I've got a Lamborghini. That was one of those moments where you thought, kids, I can't wait to tell you about this one day. Well, how did it not stay on the air?

That's what's confusing to me. Great question. How'd that show get canceled? Somehow, Pauly D, like, I don't know what, he seems very charming. Like, I want to not like him, but I kind of do. Because he's just fist pumping like James. Like, I think he's just a dude that just knows what he loves, right? Yeah. But Snooki seems, everyone else seems bananas.

Did you ever see the video, the one where Snooki got punched in the face? I did. God, it was hard to watch, man. That was hard to watch. I've been in one fight in my life, and it was with one of my best friends in sixth grade. My buddy Richard Davis punched me repeatedly in the face. Why? We were mad about something, right?

And it was like, I'll meet you after school. Whoa. Well, I like trying to like uh tackle him and trying to i don't know what i don't know what i was doing i had never been in a fight before my face was so swollen i told my mom that i had had an accident on my bicycle because i didn't want to tell her like yeah my friend richard from up the street beat the crap out of me did you and richard stay friends after yeah we're friends now great guy great guy like that was a time when you could just get in a fight and like, all right, that's cool.

It was fucked up how easy that guy punched her. Like, he just like, you fucking bitch. Boom, just punched her in the face. Wasn't that awful? There wasn't no, like, worry that she was going to hit him. She didn't have a knife. She wasn't threatening him. It wasn't, like, self-defense.

It was just like he decided he didn't want her talking anymore, so he just knuckled her right in the face. Her hat flew off. There it is right there. Oh, don't. Oh, don't play this. Play that back. Play that back. Go from the beginning, though.

Here it goes. The guy was a school teacher, too. Watch. No. Boom. Yeah. And did he lose his job after that? Oh, of course he did.

Yeah. I think he actually had some MMA fights. No, he didn't. Yeah. He just punched her right in the face. Boom. What was it, by the way, that you and my buddy Scrape are good friends, I know, but what is it that made you get into, where did that come into your life?

Where did MMA? Yeah. 1997 is when I first started working for them. I did the post-fight interviews in 1997. And was it something like that? Had you seen it and kind of dug it and told Dana and those guys, hey, I'd love to be part of it? Really?

Yeah, I worked at the UFC before Dana. I didn't realize that. Yeah, I quit, and then Dana hired me. Okay. I did it back during the dark ages when I was banned from cable. Right. And it was in the video store in the Faces of Death aisle. Oh, gosh.

That's where you would see it. I remember those. I didn't watch them. I just remember seeing them. Well, that's where you would find the UFC videos it was just it was a freak show and I my most of my life I'd been involved in martial arts from time I was a little kid sure so for me it was like that show or that event was like the first time they had figured out a way to get different styles to compete against each other yeah and for me as a

martial artist it was entirely fascinating because I had always wondered, like, what would happen if a karate guy fought a judo guy or what have you. Sure. And so the UFC was the first time someone had ever done it and put it together. So I was a huge, huge fan of it. And they needed someone to do their interviews, just the after-the-fight interviews.

And they literally didn't give me any instruction no advice nothing they put a microphone in my hand and they said okay uh we're going to come to you in three minutes to talk about the fights this was live on pay-per-view i mean no one had briefed me right when i say no one to give me any advice i mean they hadn't said a fucking thing to me right they turned the camera on me, and they said, okay, you're live. And I was like, this is an amazing event. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. We got this guy's going to fight that guy.

And the implications are ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And this and that is ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And this guy trains in jiu-jitsu. And that's it. It's a fantastic event. I can't wait. Back to you guys. And I did it.

And I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, who let me do this? Right. Like, this is ridiculous. Like, the post-fight interviews, no advice. No one told me how to do it. And I did it. And I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, who let me do this? Right. Like, this is ridiculous. Like, the post-fight interviews, no advice. No one told me how to do it. Nothing. Just sent me in there.

The fight was over. I had to come up with the questions. I would ask them. It was very bizarre. It was very bizarre. Very, very, very strange gig. And I did it for about two years. And it was like all little puddle hopper planes.

Sure. Flying into weird casinos in the south. That was the only places where they allowed them to have it. Right. And I quit. It was just too much. It was just too weird. And so I stopped for a couple years.

Then the UFC got purchased by Zufa, which is when Dana came into it. Okay. For Tita Brothers. And I just became a fan. And I was hanging out with Dana. And Dana and I became friends. And we would go to dinner. And I would just start saying, well, why don't you have this guy fight that guy? Like, what about this?

You ever see this guy fight in Japan? Like, do you know about this guy? Do you know about that? And I just started talking to him about all this different shit. He's like, do you want to do commentary? I was like, oh man, I just, I don't want to work. I just want to come and drink. Yeah. I want to see the fights and have a good time. And back then no one was watching it either. Right. It was like, it was like, it wasn't like someone was asking me to do the UFC today. Right. It was like the UFC then was like doing porn. Like right it's like it was like it wasn't like someone was asking me to do the UFC today right it was like the UFC then was like doing porn like that's literally what it was like it's like you want to fuck on film like I don't know how much money's involved you know they're gonna be alcohol okay you'd have to be like you know to be involved and it was like detrimental for your career like when I was on news radio, I was doing the UFC. Really? Yeah. They were flying me these weird places. Like I started in 97. So yeah, the news radio started in 94. So 94, 95. So it was

like two, three years in that I was doing that. And they were like, what the fuck are you doing? Like they were sitting on your weekend. They were thinking it was bad for my career. Cause like filming would be over on Friday. You know, we'd be done filming I'd get on a fucking plane. I'd fly to Alabama and watch dudes get punting in the head, right? Everyone else you work with like in Santa Barbara for the weekend. Yeah, exactly. They were doing fucking plays You're in Montgomery at the Civic Center They'd go to some musical that nobody really enjoyed. Like, you had to pretend that everybody enjoyed. And I would come back and talk about, you know,

some crazy event where somebody got their teeth kicked into the third row. It was very strange. I got to do the Toyota Pro Celebrity Race with Cain Velasquez. Oh, he's great. Cain is like a gentle giant, right? Sweetheart of a guy.

Total sweetheart, total teddy bear. But he could rip your house down. Like, he is like, visually to me, he's like Wreck-It Ralph. Like, he could just come in and take out an interstate. And I don't know what it is about, like, being around him, but the first couple days, I was like, hey, man, nice to see you. Don't kill me. By, like, the end of the second week, I was like, what's up?

You want to just go? You want to just take care of this? I don't know why. I started talking crap. You want to test yourself? I just was talking crap to Cain constantly. And there was one time, I don't know if he actually touched me or he just got real close. And I, dude, I shut down.

I was like, oh God. I just went sort of limp. Like he was going to grab your neck or something? I don't know why I did that. Every time I see him now, I'm still like, what's up, man? Did you see the fight this weekend? No. Was it just nuts? It was rough.

Yeah, he got beat up. He got beat up, and then he got strangled. So watching a guy like Kane, who has been, except for one fight, he got knocked out by Junior Dos Santos in the first round, the one fight. But he went into that fight with a torn knee ligament. Like he was pretty busted up going into that fight and um he got caught with a huge punch from a real devastating knockout puncher and Junior Dos Santos so that fight that loss was uh a tough loss but there was a lot of reasons behind it kind of made sense then he came back and dominated

Junior in the rematch and you know he's like in my opinion, he's, like, one of the all-time, all-time greats. Totally. But to see him fight Fabrizio Verdun, Fabrizio Verdun was fucking him up standing. And Fabrizio is, like, one of the best jiu-jitsu artists ever to compete in MMA. Multiple-time world champion. And Kane was actually forced into taking Fabrizio down. And he took Fabrizio to the ground.

Fabrizio caught him in a guillotine and tapped him out. No way. It was crazy. Well, they fought in Mexico City. Right. And I saw Akeem was down there training for, I don't know why. I mean, it seemed like he was in the middle of nowhere in Mexico training. Well, he was only there for two weeks.

Really? And, yeah, somebody, I don't know where it was, but somebody put it up on my message board that there's some sort of a formula of altitude. Sure. If you compete at altitude, you have to be there for X amount of days. Depending upon how high the altitude is, there's X amount of days you have to be there in order to acclimate. Okay. For Mexico City, it's like 26 days.

Oh, wow. And Cain only got there two weeks before. Okay. So he had not acclimated at all and he just wasn't ready yet sure and the altitude is ruthless 75 7 to 7 800 feet above sea level and people don't know like I've gotten altitude sickness on top gear before it's it's ridiculous me you just can't your body just doesn't know how to function it's like wearing the tightest belt on every part of your body

It's just weird way does it's real bad. Did you see I put a picture on Instagram? I don't know if you saw it, but there's an Instagram picture that I put up that I took while we were landing This is real. That's how bad the pollution is. Oh, and that's in Mexico City. That's Mexico City That's landing in Mexico City. You see it on the big screen. Yeah, I mean I was like, holy That's landing in Mexico City. You see it on the big screen up there. I mean, I was like, holy fucking shit. That is, and as soon as I got down there, I could smell it. You smell it in the air and you get a headache.

Right. Like right away. Because there's no fucking air because you're at 7,500 feet above sea level. And whatever air that you have is filled with car exhausts. And traffic lights are a joke. No one's stopping at red lights. It's a suggestion. It's not even a suggestion.

It's just like they, it's a government gig. Street decorations. Yeah. Oh, pretty red. Right through. Nobody was paying attention. Everything's gridlocked. When you hit rush hour, everything's gridlocked.

There's no non-gridlock. You know, sometimes you get LA gridlock. Sure. Some selfish asshole decides that even though the light is turned red, he's still going to make that left turn. Right. And he gets blocked and people honk and he's like just looking ahead like he doesn't notice you. In Mexico, that's just what they do. Right. There's just too many people.

And it's not even their fault. Right. It's just out of control. Just too many people. I saw people pull out into intersections and it's like a kamikaze maneuver. Right. The traffic's going and they just go, let's go! They just pull out and everyone's like, you haveaze maneuver right the traffic's going and they just go let's go they just pull out and everyone's like you have to slam on the brakes they just decide no one's gonna let you in right you just have to make you just have to make your way just go for it and so

like traffic was going and this guy's just like creeping in front of cars and you see people hitting the brakes then he would recognize he had a little bit of an opening so he gun it gun it a car length ahead and like fuck and Watching it was giving me a headache. I was like this is crazy. This is a crazy way to live There's like 40 million people or something like that. It's much larger than LA. Yeah much larger much larger 2,000 feet above Denver and polluted as fuck It's madness. How's the food great?. The people are great too. That's the interesting thing. They're very, very nice.

They're super, super friendly. They're just easy going. Even though they're in this giant ass city, it's not like a New York thing. Right. Sometimes in New York, I love New York. I love the vibe of it. I love the fact there's so many great restaurants and so much stuff to do. It's like, this is a crazy

pack, packet of energy. But the abrasive nature of some of the people really gets to me. Totally. Like the TSA in New York, you go to Kennedy Airport, it's like some of the rudest fucking people I've ever met at an airport there. Or just in the world. They just happen to be at the airport. It's just that attitude. I think it's because there's so many human beings jammed into this place that

people like they lose an appreciation for each other yeah which you know if you grew up in a small town or if you have ever been to a small town the one thing that people love is that people look at you they say hi when you walk down the street and wave they kind of appreciate you because there's not we're not overwhelming each other. I think in cities like New York, there's just too many goddamn people smushed in next to each other. And in L.A. too. That's why everybody gets so angry on the road. Sure. We overwhelm each other.

Yeah. And we're not valuable. There's too many of us. L.A. to me is just New York with more cars that people can drive versus taxis. But when you're in New York, I'm always astounded that it seems like everyone is simultaneously upset that they're there. But they will tell you it is the greatest city in the world. But they're all like, this place sucks. Really? Yeah, but I love it.

I'd never leave. Well, the dumbest fucking people in the world are the ones that are, they act like they're something special because they're from New York. Sure. Like, hey, listen, I'm from New York. I can handle myself. You know, like, well, you know how something special because they're from New York. Sure. Like, hey, listen, I'm from New York. I can handle myself. You know, like, well, you know how to fight because you're from a spot? Right. Like, really?

Is that what you're telling me? You rode a small bus hooked to other buses. They call it a subway. So suddenly, I'm from New York. So I can handle myself. You know how it is, right? I'm from New York. No, I don't.

No, I don't know what you're saying. So I thought we were trying to rent a rental car. It's really, that doesn't apply here. Okay, your toughness in growing up in New York. It's like they're from Nam. I don't know. I don't know what you're saying. I thought we were trying to rent a rental car. It doesn't apply here. Okay, your toughness in growing up in New York. It's like they're from Nam. I was in Nam. I did my time overseas. I was in the Bronx.

I'm in New York. I live in a city. I'm in that big city. Queens. You're in a box. You know, we were looking at real estate the other day just as a goof, and there was a tiny-ass, shitty little apartment on the west side, and it was $500,000.

And I was like, this is offensive, right? It's one bedroom, shitty little apartment. Didn't even say how many square feet it was because it looked like it was less than 1,000 square feet. And it's a half of a million dollars. Think about how many years it would take the average person of working every fucking day, all day long, eight hours a day, plus commuting. Right. And then taxes taken out of it to scrape up enough money to buy this shit bag of a house. It's basically impossible.

It's basically impossible. The weird thing is, like, when we were shooting Lost in Transmission, there was two different producers that bought houses in Atlanta where we live. Not to live there, but to buy them and then rent them out because they can at least make a little money and grow some equity in something there. Because out here, if people don't know, the dumpiest house you can find out here is still like a million. Unless you want to live in Palmdale and smoke crack every day which if you're watching from palmdale and you smoke crack i'm not singling you out i'm just making a suggestion i have a friend who just moved to palmdale oh gosh is it afro man four dogs she has four pit bulls and she needed to she needed some space no she needed a place that accepted her dogs and it wasn't very much money

she doesn't make a lot of money she moved to Palmdale. Dude, it's awful. It's so far out there And it's so it's like if you if they said you can move to the surface of the Sun That's what living in Palmdale is like it's the hottest place on earth and Afro-man is from there. Who's afro-man? Because I got high? Oh that guy? Yeah, I feel like you should know that song. Didn't that guy, is that the guy who beat up some woman on stage? Oh, no. Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. Yeah, right? He, like, he fucking cracked some woman on stage.

He was on stage and she came up behind him and he punched her in the face and dropped her. Did you ever see that? I didn't. I'm not, I don't want to make it sound like I'm a fan of Afro Man. I just know that he's from Palmdale. We filmed almost every car scene from Fear Factor in Palmdale. Like Willow Springs or somewhere like that? No, we closed down some side roads. There's

some side roads out in the desert. There's nothing but Joshua trees and coyotes and shit. And we had these giant 10 mile stretches of road that they allow us to close down. Nobody gives a fuck right there. Just go for it. Yeah, this is the video Oh gosh, this is the second video you're showing me. Second video of a chick getting punched in the face. That's not what I thought. You don't need to for it. This is the video. Oh gosh. This is Second video of a chicken and punched in the face

Gentle I try to be nice man shit goes wrong sometimes But yeah some woman got behind him and she was like just drunk and being silly at a show and just thought it was cute to climb on Stage with him and he punched her in the face and knocked her out cold She fell back and cracked her head. I mean it was fucked up. I I was on stage with him and he punched her in the face and knocked her out cold she fell back and cracked her head i mean it was fucked up i i was on stage in uh in new hampshire at a nascar race once and i was telling people like all right thanks for coming out to the show like have a great night and all of a sudden i turned and there was a woman right here and i'm not saying like i've never had a stalk or anything like that thank goodness but like i don't know if

you've ever had people precariously i was standing standing on an eight-foot-tall platform. Yes. I don't know where she came from. And no one saw her. And then she was just there in my face. And a little bit drunk and definitely from New Hampshire. I don't know if you've had those moments. It's a real fight-or-flight moment where you're like, why are you right here in my face?

And you're drunk. And she knew my name. And then you're like, I'm just going to go. It feels weird. It's weird that someone would not think that you would freak out by sneaking up behind you like that. I also have glasses and real limited peripheral. So it's not like you can sneak up on me in the room that we're in. My wife will sometimes stare at me in the car to see how long it takes me to notice.

And then she'll give up because I'm not going to see you over there. I can't. I'm not going to notice. then she'll give up because i'm not gonna see you over there i can't i'm not gonna notice a little tough game with me yeah there's a lot of weirdos out there that's the thing is you never know when you hear about that guy that shot dime daryl dime bag yeah on stage you know like you never know there's you might be in the wrong place the wrong time so i i can understand that he'd be freaked out this woman was on stage but a cursory glance at her would let you understand oh there's no reason to give this woman a concussion she's just

a crazy drunk lady you know you don't need a fucking molly whopper in the face Jesus Christ pardon me I bet they had security there too like you could could have probably had another another plan of action but if they did have security she would have never gotten on stage.

Ah, fair point. What if the security got high because they were listening to a song because I got high? Like, that song is basically like, I was going to do all of the things I need to do, like pay the rent, pay the bills, I was going to do some stuff, and then he got high. Maybe he got high. Maybe security got high. I don't know. Anything could have happened. It's a speculation at this high. Maybe he got high. Maybe security got high. I don't know. Anything could have happened.

It's speculation at this point. It's really speculation. It feels like we're Monday Morning Quarterback here. Riff Raff. That's what happens when security is on stage. This fan gets nailed. Somebody tackled. Oh Jesus Christ. Alright, let's give. Oh my god. Oh my god, he just threw that guy in the crowd.

Riff Raff, the white rapper. Let's give him some credit for making it on World Star Hip Hop. Is he white? He is white. Oh, you've not seen Riff Raff? Is that a woman that taps him? No, I think it's a family system shaggy. Let's show that again because the power double that this dude lands is quite impressive.

Watch. The guy taps him. Look at this. Boom. Oh, gosh gosh that guy probably died Look how he just throws him in the crowd to like he's trash Like don't they have any liability whatsoever have to for fucking a 300 pound giant human being Tackling you like that so riffraff. I've never heard of this fellow before but oh gosh He has dreadlocks is he related to the woman from Spokane that was the head of the NAACP, perhaps?

How crazy is that? It's amazing. Did you ever see the movie Soul Man that was out in the 80s? You know what I love about this? Super progressive people are starting to take her side. The tide has turned, and they're starting to say that race is just a social construct. And I've been reading all these articles about how she ran circles around Matt Lauer

on the Today Show. All these like super progressive left-wing people who are pro-transgender are now starting to accept transracial. They're not fucking around. I never saw that coming. She is running with it. She's running with it.

I love it. And one of the things that she said is, I identify as black. So she's been lying about her dad. Like this guy, she hangs out with, she calls him her dad. He's a black guy. She pretends it's I love it. And one of the things that she said is, I identify as black. So she's been lying about her dad. Like, this is a guy. She hangs out with. She calls him her dad. He's a black guy. She pretends it's her real dad. Right. Her parents are from Montana or something. They're white as fuck. Yeah. They're white as fuck. But she

has... That's what she checked on her college application, right? Well, what's amazing about her is she went to Howard University and sued Howard University because sued them for discrimination because she was white. So in the lawsuit, she's saying that she's white. She's like, well, then I identify as white.

But I identify as black now. Wow. We live in a crazy time. Donald Trump's going to be president. No one's black. No one's white. You're whatever the fuck you want to be. You can be anything you want we live in fantasyland

America he paid $50 to cheer for him a president. No really is that true? That he offered actors $50 to cheer for him. Hey, you can't say he's not a businessman There's a video of him pulling his hair back to reveal that he has real hair. No, no, no way Look at that. You can see. I love that your fans are that interactive, dude. They're on the ball. Good for you. Someone must have challenged him on his hair and so he pulls his hair back.

Look. See? He's got fucking hair. He just likes it. He basically just moved his bangs, which start at his shoulder blades. But he showed his... Look. He showed his hairline. He does have hair. He just has his bangs, which start at his shoulder blades. But he showed his... Look, he showed his hairline. He does have hair. He just has a wacky fucking thing with hair, like a Don King thing going on.

That's fucking hair, man. Okay, that's weird. There's a lot of hairspray in there, and it's obviously thinning. But, you know. There's nothing wrong... For the record, there's nothing wrong with losing your hair. You're talking to a bald guy. It looks great on you.

Thank you very much. I've always said if I lose it, I want to look like a clown. I might go, like, just dye it. But I think when you get to be, like, a guy like a Don King or a guy like a Donald Trump, that's sort of his look. Like, they commit to that, and then they start thinking that that's their lucky look. Right. That you kind of have to have your hair sticking straight up in the air,

or nobody's going to know it's Don King. Like, if Don King all of a sudden had cornrows, everybody's like, get the fuck out of here, man. You can't have cornrows. Don King! You're Don King! Your shit's supposed to stick straight up in the air. Yeah! Like a troll doll. I interviewed him recently. What was that like? Oh, it was amazing. I did it for the UFC. It was fucking amazing. That dude's seen some stuff. He doesn't let you talk. First of all, he doesn't answer any questions. Right. You ask him a question, the pontification upon the universal connection that we all

share. Like, most of, like, I would ask him a question, and he would bring it to women's rights. He would go to, like, he's like, Wow, that's his go-to. Yeah, it was like women's rights and gay rights, and it was really strange. It was very strange. It was like he just talks, and then he changes subjects in mid-sentence and keeps going and going and going.

So, like, you'll ask him a question and you sit there for ten minutes. Like, and I said, I couldn't imagine being a fucking fighter who has some issues with my contract. They come into your office and I probably have a hard time talking already. Right. I mean, not everybody's as eloquent as that fucking guy. You sit in his office. Maybe you're a regular dude who just doesn't know how to phrase shit that good. You sit in his office.

You ask him a question. He goes on this fucking 10-minute diatribe about Rosa Parks and women's rights and minorities and the white man. And it just keeps going. He just keeps going on and on and on. And I was like, you would confuse the fuck out of people. And I brought it up to him. I got kind of called him on it. I was like you're baffling. You're a baffling speaker It was weird though. Just knowing that first of all you across a guy from a guy who killed a couple people yeah, one of theirs that stomped a guy to death for a gambling debt and One of them I think he got off on the other one He did some some time for. Like one of them was like manslaughter, and the other one was like justifiable homicide or something like that.

Yeah! That's the real stuff. Cleveland, right? Isn't he from Cleveland? Ohio in the fucking house. Yeah, Don King is a, but an interesting guy nonetheless. Fascinating dude to talk to. Covered in diamonds, by the way.

Covered. Yeah, diamond the way. Covered. Yeah. Diamond star of David and Cross covering both sides. Just in case. Just in case. And he told me that diamonds are a girl's best friend. That's why he wears diamonds. Diamonds on his rings.

Diamonds on his chains. Like, hmm. Do you find yourself, when you're on tour, a lot of times when you make it back to a hotel room late on a Saturday night, that Lock Up is the only show on television that shows great it yeah lock up some of those shows when i travel especially going to nascar races i don't know why they're always on saturday night and i feel like what if like what if these dudes were like one uh wrong car on the interstate away from just being like a normal person right and then just snapped and now i'm watching them in a federal pen like those two okay so the two dudes that got out you're hearing about that the

two dudes escaped from new york i i learned late yesterday that the reason that chick helped him was because they told her they were gonna kill her husband really she wanted her husband dead so that's why she was helping him get out because they said they would go kill her husband and then my next thought is well were they hooking up with her? Because I would assume they have to. There's got to be some sort of weird love triangle, right? Well, apparently the younger guy, the word is he had a giant hog. How does that come out?

It just comes out. Well, everyone's going to want to know. You look at the girl. She's quite the ugly duckling. And, you know, you figure, well, she's inside the prison. She probably gets to talking to these guys. She's probably lonely. You know, they make friends.

Slowly but surely, the guy works his way in. Shows her his giant hog. Suddenly, she wants her husband dead. Let me ask you a question. Okay. Just as two guys talking. Okay. You ever heard, hey, there's a prison break, and your first thought is, I wonder how big this guy is downstairs?

Never, right? Well, when a woman's involved, though, if the woman helped him get out, you're like, well, what did he have to offer? Did he have a fucking giant snake? Maybe he was a great dancer. Maybe he was just a sweet talker and knew a lot about poetry. Yeah. And you look at her, and she's just sad and unkempt and neglected. All of the above.

Just her whole body is just a tragedy. You don't feel like John Mayer wrote Your Body's a Wonderland about her? It is kind of a wonderland to wonder how the heart keeps beating.

She doesn't climb to the top of the fucking tower where they shoot prisoners and just jump off face first into the basketball court. Yeah, what keeps you going, honey? Well, I was hoping

this guy would shoot my husband and give me some giant dick. Well, it's amazing that they haven't caught them yet. Right? And that they're still out there. What are those guys doing? Probably they're learning French and walking into Canada. You think so?

Yeah, that's what I would do. If I was in upstate New York, I would think the best way, like Canada, if you go to Quebec, they're very divorced from American culture in a lot of ways, in a strange way. Like Toronto's not. Like Toronto, like we understand that their mayor's a crackhead. They know all about our presidents. You know, like when I go to Toronto, it seems like I'm in America. Sure.

The people are nicer. You know, it's very similar to America. But Montreal is not. Montreal is a very international feeling city. And the outside of Montreal, like Quebec, like that whole area, the French speaking area, they have completely different stars. They have singers that you've never heard of that are huge, that play stadiums. They have comedians that a lot of them would steal like English jokes and they would translate them into French. And they would go on tour throughout the French speaking areas and do their comedy routines.

And they have like a whole different world. They speak French. Like a lot of them exclusively speak French in a lot of the areas. Like, you have to have French on the signs of the buildings. Like, you know, when you go to Montreal, like, everything's in French. Like, even Kentucky Fried Chicken, they don't have KFC. It's PFC. It's Poulet Fried Chicken.

You know, it's Poulet. It's like chicken fried chicken. I would not do well there. No. Well, you'd learn French. You know, they're lovely people. I mean, I guess if I had broken out of prison. Yeah, I would think that that would. No. Well, you'd learn French. You know, they're lovely people. I mean, I guess if I had broken out of prison.

Yeah, I would think that that would be the move, though. You go up there, you learn French, and you get a labor job. Get some French on tape. But you'd get sick of it. Do you think they have Rosetta Stone when you've escaped from prison? I bet you could learn in prison, and I bet if the guy was learning French, they would say, this motherfucker is probably learning. So he wants to escape to Quebec. He's talking to his new girlfriend who hates her husband. He's like, hey, why don't you Rosetta Stone me some French?

Me and Tommy, we'll get out. Yeah. Take care of your husband. Little walkman or something. Yeah. We'll meet you in French speaking Canada. How much could you really learn from one of those Rosetta Stone things? I mean, to really learn a language, it seems like it's a long process.

It does seem that way. Do you know anything? Do you know how to speak anything? I know a tiny bit of Spanish. Took two years. Dos años. I took two years of Italian. I don't know a word of it anymore.

That's a nice language, though. Yeah. I just don't understand it at all. I didn't pay attention. I have enough trouble with this language, though. Yeah. I just don't understand it at all. I didn't pay attention. I have enough trouble with this language that we're speaking. It's really enough hurdles there. Speaking of English, I would be amiss if I talked to you and didn't talk about the Jeremy Clarkson tragedy. Oh, sure.

Because the real Top Gear, original Top Gear rather, in England, which was Jeremy Clarkson, Richard May, and... James May. James May and Richard Hammond. Hammond. Hammond. Hammond. They call him the hamster. Yeah. Sweet dude.

Hilarious folks. They're nice, work together. And that's a tough act to follow, right? I mean, it's a long-running show. They've been on for decades. The most popular international show, I think. Isn't it? Yeah.

And they said it was the most viewed show in the world. When you looked at, like, CBS Sunday Morning did an awesome kind of, no, it was 60 Minutes. I'm sorry. 60 Minutes was talking about it. Based on downloads, both legal and illegal, and then how many shows, how many countries the show airs in. Like our Top Gear U.S. airs in like 100 countries. Theirs was in like 170. Yeah.

So, yeah, it's a big. And you kind of hinted to it before about like, you know, it's a big act to follow. We knew when we got ours that we couldn't pretend to be the three of those. We were never going to do that. We were going to have to be our three guys. And we knew that there's this kind of core group. We call them UK fanboys.

And they got really upset that we were doing an American version because they felt like they were the only ones that knew about the UK show, not realizing how many people around the world saw it. They felt like, I've got this special unicorn. No one knows about I'm super awesome Well turns out we were just taking the the kind of foundation of it and it's three people in cars, right? So we're gonna go do our own thing We we started with some of the same like kind of fundamental ideas did everything different We didn't like our producers would come up with crazy things for us to do

but we didn't know about them like we just went and they wanted to watch us squirm and go have fun. But what's happening now is they announced today, I think, Chris, is it Chris Evans? Is that the guy's name? Who I guess is like a morning host or either a show or DJ or something. Popular guy is going to be the new host of Top Gear UK, which they will relaunch and kind of re, I'm not saying they'll reformat. I assume he's going to have the new host of Top Gear UK, which they will relaunch and kind of re... I'm not saying they'll reformat.

I assume he's going to have two people with him. But sort of the rebirth. So James May is not going to be on anymore? Richard Hammond's not going to be on anymore? Correct. Whoa. I think the two of them said, we will stand with Clarkson.

This is our group. This is what Top Gear is to us. Wow. So when everything went down... And I've never met Clarkson. This is our group. This is what Top Gear is to us. So when everything went down, and I've never met Clarkson. I've only met Hammond, and he and I are pals. Really great guy. I think it's one of those things where

he'd gotten in so much trouble before over the things he had said, which is also weird because that's the same reason people watch him. It's like when comedians get in trouble for being funny you're right but that's what you wanted so i'm not making any kind of excuse for that but i think it's a real bummer what happened and you know everybody has bad days but when he flipped out he flipped out on this producer who's a great guy i've met him before and what happened uh apparently they'd had like a long day and there was some sort of dispute excuse me about

dinner or whether something should be cold there was cold cuts instead of like a hot steak or something i wasn't there and no one talks about it in our like group everyone's very sensitive because i didn't know whether overnight that would screw up our show because the worldwide brand is it's very important to to everybody that's a part of it and so i think i think he just had a real bad evening and he took it out on somebody and that cost him his job and so did he beat the guy up is that what he did i think so i think he punched him i don't know if he beat him up. That just doesn't seem like, when you watch that show and you watch that guy, he's like this fun-loving, hilarious dude. I just have a hard time seeing him beating somebody up.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just read the same stuff everybody else did, that there was some sort of verbal altercation and then a physical altercation. I don't know what that means. I know it's a bummer for everybody that was involved because it's certainly not something that I mean he obviously was very upset and ashamed that happened as was the producer

everybody else it just was one of those things that happen sometimes and you realize it sucks for every single person involved so why'd they fire him? I think because of all the things he had been in trouble for before that yeah but are they retarded? Do they not understand what's going on?

I mean, there's a reason why the show is popular, and it's because that guy is a very unique and bizarre character. Right. That is the main reason that show's popular, is Jeremy Clarkson. Sure. I mean, Richard Hammond is great, and James May is great, but on their own, they're starving to death. Let's be honest.

It's an ensemble. How rude am I? I'm rude. It's a group. It is an ensemble ensemble i'm rude it's it's a it's a group it is an ensemble but jeremy clarkson is the funny one right and he's like the heart and soul like he he wrote a ton of the different you know because he he from the journalist side you know write so much about the stuff that they do and the porsche people hate him there's a lot of people talks a lot of shit from the manufacturers that don't like him, which is funny because

sometimes people wouldn't want to loan us cars because things that they had done. Well, the Chrysler, like remember they had those three cars they drove across America. Chrysler didn't want to give them a Challenger. So they bought one. So they bought one. My friend was a producer that had to pay for it. Oh, really? And then the show paid him back.

Yeah. That's hilarious. They just had things like that that would happen. Well, Richard Hamm was actually very funny. I'm just fucking around saying that they would both starve to death. They're good together, but they're better with him, like as a threesome. So are they going to try to launch a new show, the three of them together? That was what I heard.

They have to. Yeah. The name is not important. Right. And so right now they're doing a, they would go and do these kind of live show events. They've never done one here. They wanted to do one with us and them, kind of a combo thing, and then we never, nobody really moved on it.

But they were in, because Ken Block was helping them out in South Africa this week. They did like six shows, and they're calling it like Clarkson Hammond May Live or something, because they can't use the name. Oh, that's hilarious. Top Gear Live. Right. So I hope they'll keep doing something fun together they're funny guys yeah they're great together hammond's got a sweet mustang have you seen his

he's got some killer toys he's a helicopter guy too he lives in like a castle i'm sure how much money did they make off that show i think they did i think they did pretty well maybe they got just a hair more than we have says says the guy with two other jobs. Yeah, he lives way out far somewhere, which I think is also why he has a helicopter. But Heyman's got a bunch of kids shows that he produces. Really? Yeah, so he's got like kind of his other thing. And I don't know what May does the rest of the time when they're not.

He makes YouTube videos. Yes. He's making a lot of YouTube videos in his downtime. About being unemployed and cooking, which are but they're playing the recorder yeah like a really talented musician apparently but those guys it's we got to do when they were launching our show over there we got to go to this like uh british um kind of television thing where they put us up and and they had this party like top gear usa So they tried to make the most American-themed evening they could. So there's glass Coke bottles on every table and Jack Daniels. And then the girls, they had girls in like Daisy Dukes with cowboy boots

and American flag bandanas on. And they had like a holster with Jack Daniels and shot glasses. That's hilarious. That was a fun time. That was a fun time. That was a fun time. Tanner, I think, was single at the time, and I'm a pretty good wingman because my wife loves me, so I can just be an idiot publicly and not worry about it.

So the whole time I was like, you guys know that's Tanner Faust over there. You know, he's got a couple gold medals from X Games. I don't know if he had that here. X Games gives medals? They do, yeah. Can't give medals. Well, it's like a Casio G-Shock that they dipped in gold chrome. I don't know if you have that here. X Games gives medals? They do, yeah. Can't give medals. Well. Unless you're in the Olympics.

It's like a Casio G-Shock that they dipped in gold chrome. That's not true. I don't know that for sure. I have experience in taking over a show that was a beloved show because I took over the Man Show for a couple years with Doug Stanhope. We got tortured. Rightly so in a lot of ways. It was kind of a disaster.

The show wasn't what we wanted it to be at all. It was fun. It was funny. We got fucked over because we came in under false pretenses. They kind of told us that they were going to make this wild show. Have nudity, we'll blur it out. Swear, we'll beep it out. We want to get sued.

We're crazy. And then right when we started doing it, Janet Jackson pulled her nipple out. Oh, the slip. During the Super Bowl. The old JT yeah yeah slip the plan prize amazing that that generated that still to this day just hurts my brain that everybody got so upset that they saw a nipple on television right I quite enjoyed the show but just doesn't make any sense

like it was a man's nipple no one would care but it's Janet Jackson's nipple she's a woman like it's still just a nipple like steven tyler showed his nipple on that probably every time they did a halftime show exactly what's the big deal yeah i mean is it because it's a female it's a sexual thing poor justin timberlake had to say i didn't even know that was gonna happen y'all i was like he pulled the nipple I pulled the clothes I knew what the fuck is yeah but how weird is it that a nipple is like for a woman it's like super taboo for a dude is nothing no problem yeah it's strange well Ari my friend Ari Shafir lives in New York City during the summertime and he takes his shirt off every day of the week just walks down the street with a

shirt off because they have laws in New New York, you're allowed to do that. But because they have laws like that, they can't sexually discriminate. So women are allowed to take their shirts off too. So women could walk down the street topless, and occasionally they do. And there's like this naked cowgirl. You know how they have that naked cowboy? Yeah, I was him for Halloween one year. Were you really?

I was. It was a tough. Were you really? I was. It was a tough costume. It was cold that year. We're built slightly differently. He's handsome. Me and the naked cowboy. Well-built fella. He's a strong businessman, too.

He makes a lot of money off that shit. What is he doing? He's suing this woman because she was doing the exact same act. She was the naked cowgirl. But she's topless. There he is. The naked cowgirl. Good for her.

Oh, this is a different one, I think. I think there's more than one naked cowgirl. Good for her. But she's topless. There he is. The naked cowgirl. Good for her. Oh, this is a different one, I think. I think there's more than one naked cowgirl. Good for her. But she has to have pasties on. Is that the deal? Because in Manhattan, like, I'm pretty sure the law is that a woman can walk down the street naked, with her top out, rather.

You can't have your vagina out. But you can have your nipples out. Because men can. Just what a weird... We're fucking so strange. Great law, though. Good for them. You know? There's some equality. Yeah. Topless all around. I say, go for it. Why not? It's just nipples. Even if it wasn't nipples,

the whole idea of clothes is just preposterous. If you don't want to wear them, I don't give a fuck. As long as you don't rub your dick on anybody or get weird, who cares? You know? Sons out, guns out. Yeah. If you're fucking, your kid freaks out, you got to explain to them. You get some talking to that little guy.

Yeah. Say, hey, look, buddy, this is, uh, some people are freaks. They like weird shit. They want you to look at their dick. Okay. You don't have to look at it. They're not going to force you. Sometimes your parents are going to take you to the worst Raggedy Ann and Andy parade you'll

ever see, and you need to not shout that afterwards. Exactly. Some checks and balances. Sometimes shit gets weird. Also, Bigfoot's not real. And that lady's not black. She's white, but she identifies as black. She's just wearing a lot of bronzer.

And that used to be a man. He used to be a man. He won the decathlon in the Olympics, and he had children and then decided to use a woman. So now we have to call him Caitlyn. Hey, smoke him if you got them. Exactly. Right.

Exactly. It's an interesting thing when you have to, when, when you have to make sure everybody knows, look, everybody's got a right to be happy, but everybody does not have a right to be completely out of their mind crazy. And somewhere we will find that line. I say you do have a right to be completely out of your mind crazy as long as it doesn't interfere with someone else's happiness. Like, say if you're a neighbor and you're completely out of your mind crazy and you like sticking fireworks up your ass and doing cartwheels, but you live in a dry area and you could potentially start fires. Right?

Then. This is all logical, right? Fantastic analogy. Then your craziness is interfering with people's health and safety. So I would say that guy, no. That guy can't, he can't be that crazy. That's too crazy. I like the guy with fireworks up his butt.

Totally cool. Listen, is this a burn sensitive area? Yeah. Not cool, pal. This is California. We have a drought going on right now, man. You know what I found out that's really interesting? They're paying people in California

to take out their lawns and put in what they call hardscape. They give you money and you put like rocks and cactuses and shit. Right. And grass you can vacuum? Yeah, I've seen that too. Right? The plastic turf? I drove down the street the other day and there was a sign up for a company that does,

are they calling it hardscape? Is that what they're calling it? Yeah, I think you get like tax rebates and whatnot for it too. I think they actually give you money. Oh, yeah. I think they, find out about that, because me and- You're interested? No.

You don't think about it? No. You've had enough of grass and bushes? Well, you know what? I fucking passed by, is it Pepperdine? Whatever the one's in Malibu. Isn't that nice? That is a goddamn enormous lawn that you're watering for Jesus.

It's a big religious college. I've rolled down that hill before. Have you? It's fun. For Top Gear? No. I think it was just for fun with my family. Oh, no, I was shooting an RV commercial.

Oh. Still did it for fun. A lot of fucking water gets used on that goddamn thing. Nice grass. If they're listening, kudos. You cannot it for fun. A lot of fucking water gets used on that goddamn thing. Nice grass. If they're listening, kudos. You cannot be taxed. You cannot be taxed? Not being taxed on the rebate, which can range as much as $3,000.

Whoa. So you get a free three grand. No. I think you're saying they just won't tax you on the three grand. Is that what you mean? No, because you get a rebate. You get a rebate. You get money. Oh, good. And then you can't be taxed on the money, I think is what you're saying, right?

Is that what you're saying? Rebates received by homeowners for replacing their lawns with drought-tolerant landscaping will not be counted as income. Hmm. So it doesn't say exactly how much. It probably is depending on how much land you have. Right. That makes sense. But the thing that's fucked is golf courses. I mean, that is... I get that you like to play golf.

I like to play pool. I understand. I get addictions. But your addiction is using up a lot of fucking water. And apparently in some Middle Eastern countries, they play a version of golf on oiled sand. Really? They have sand and they put some sort of oil on the sand and the way the ball reacts is very similar to the way a ball would react on grass see if

you could find that someone was just explaining that to me the other day I never bothered looking it up I just said that sounds like a great idea well except a lot of those assholes like those divots those those big chunks of grass that go flying through the air. Right. Then what? Yeah. Then what are you going to do? Is this it?

Yeah. Okay. It's disgusting. Yeah. It'd be a tough place to wear a lot of white colors. Where do golf, blue stones, what does that say? Grassland greens. Used motor oil to make putting possible.

Huh. Whoa. Now, I've been to a lot of tracks that will use motor oil from all the tractors and stuff to put it on top of gravel to basically keep dust down. So it's like that idea magnified, I guess. Yeah, I think they're putting, right? Is that what they're doing? It's a tough gig. Tough gig right there. But, I'm not that good at golf.

I've never played it. Really? Yeah, never. The best part? Golf carts. Yes. That's really, like, my dad, when he would go play golf, I would always go with him as a kid, because I was like, yeah, can I drive the golf cart? And then when there's a water, like, water hole, then I would take his little ball finder and just

swim with the little stick and try to get as many balls as I could. I have a friend of mine who has a ranch in California, and he has golf carts. He just drives golf carts around his ranch. He lets his little kids take the golf cart. His daughter was like 10. She was driving us around in this fucking golf cart around the ranch. The town I live in, you can have golf carts. Really?

Yeah. Oh, you must have lived in a little tiny place. I do. That's cool. I grew up in this town called Peachtree City in Georgia. It's south. The town I live in, you can have golf carts. Really? Yeah. Oh, you must have lived in a little tiny place. I do. That's cool. I grew up in this town called Peachtree City in Georgia. It's south of Atlanta. It's built on five golf courses. And the idea was that you could get to any of these little miniature neighborhoods on a golf cart.

So there's 100 miles of golf cart path there. So if we're at my house and you want to go to dinner, we can just get on the golf cart. Wow. It's a little bit like the movie The Truman Show. You definitely feel like there's a bubble over it, but it's also a golf cart, so it's really fun. That's kind of cool. Huh.

And you can soup them up. I built a golf cart on my new show, but it's a 69 Subaru 360 van, a micro car, and I built it on a golf cart chassis. It's got a 20 horsepower single cylinder engine. The thing about golf courses is pesticides. And I know a dude who got bone cancer, and a lot of people in his neighborhood got bone cancer because the water from the pesticides, the water got contaminated in the wells. And, like, a lot of people in his neighborhood all got cancer.

Oh, that's not funny at all. Yeah, pesticides are... That's just the term pesticide. Pesticides are, that's just the term pesticide. Pest. Like, it's just poison. Right. Just call it what the fuck it is. Why are you calling it pesticides?

You're poisoning bugs. Yeah. Bugs are tough. I mean, roaches are going to be here after the fucking nuclear bombs go off, and you're killing them with some chemicals, and you leave that shit in the grass, and it gets through the ground and seeps into the water, and people drink the water and they get sick as fuck. Right. Pesticides are just, that's a creepy thing that we do.

That loop seems pretty obvious to us, doesn't it? Pretty goddamn obvious. And yet we just go. But the people that live in the golf course or near the golf course, they didn't even think about it. They just let it seep into the well water. Well, because it looks real pretty. Yeah.

That's the only way to keep it pretty. You got to keep killing bugs just keep what after right just keep poisoning them spraying them it's brutal yeah um one of the pesticides i was listening to this radio lab podcast um the way they um figured out how to use uh poison gas in the concentration camps they use zyyklon B, and Zyklon A was originally developed as a pesticide. And so they used this gas. Zyklon A had a particular aroma to it to alert anyone that was near it or handling it that it was very dangerous. So the Nazis re-engineered Zyklon A and turned it into Zyklon B and took out the smell and started using it as gas in the concentration camps.

Designed Zyklon A by a Jew. Not only that, a Jew who was one of the first guys to figure, or the guy who figured out how to pull nitrogen out of the air. A big majority of the particles in the air apparently are nitrogen. And nitrogen is very difficult to get for fertilizer know, for fertilizer and stuff like that. It's very difficult to acquire, but necessary in order to grow plants. And so this guy, Hopper, Fritz Hopper, figured out how to pull it out of the air and use it for fertilizer.

And apparently that method that he developed in 19-fucking-10 or some shit like that during World War I, that method is still being used today and like half of the food that people eat in the world is fertilized from this hopper method same guy who developed zyklon b or zyklon a at least i feel like if they ever need to like go in front of congress and talk about the legalization of marijuana i think we could take a video clip of that last 45 seconds of you telling me that story, and then, like, people would be like, well, if he can remember all that and he smokes weed, we should probably just let it go.

That's the kind of podcast that you relax and listen to? That's the shit that I listen to, yeah. Wow, man. I love that stuff, yeah. That history podcast, I love those. I just love fascinating information. I love any information that makes me go, what the fuck? Anything like that.

Pot does not fuck with your memory. It fucks with your memory about shit you were just talking about. I don't mean like that. I just mean that's what you just laid down was brilliant. I just enjoy that. The guy also was one of the first people that used gas and warfare

and he used this like i think it was a chlorine gas he used it on the uh english and the the canadians i think it was the english and the canadians that they used it on but he was being he was he they thought of him the united states was addressing him as a war criminal at the same time they were using his fertilization methods like it seems like it's gotta be one or the other right like it he was a very very complex guy he was a very complex guy like he wasn't a good guy but he wasn't I mean he was like he was brilliant in a lot of ways the radio lab podcast when he was interested it's called the bad show and it is about um a lot of people that did a lot of really awful things. And he's just one of the many stories.

But I've been on this World War I kick lately. Sure. Because of Dan Carlin. He's got this podcast called Hardcore History, and he has this whole World War I series that's going on right now. He just put the final, I think it's the final episode out. It's fucking amazing. It's just so crazy. That World War I was just, for me, a war that I never really thought about,

never really looked into it. And I've just been really getting into it lately because of these podcasts. So, yeah, pot doesn't really fuck with your memory. I just meant that was what you laid down. There's a lot of layers to that. And I just thought, I was just sitting here thinking, that's really impressive. Yeah, but if you asked me about something about 10 minutes ago,

I'd be like, what? What the fuck were we talking about? Or just 10 seconds ago, what was I just talking about? Whatever. I feel like I'm turning in my dad and I just can't remember things. Really? Yeah, like my dad will... like my friend that's a pilot, Martin, my dad has met Martin. I say met because he's introducing himself each time as a new time 30 times. And I'm like, Dad, that's Martin.

Nice to meet you. Yeah, the teacher, right? No, he's a pilot. He's always been a pilot. If your dad ever meets Martin and says, good to see you. Then I'll know my dad's an actor. Then I'll know my dad's an actor. That's an actor. Yeah.

You need some fucking alpha brain, son. I got to get you some of this stuff. This is, this is cognitive enhancing supplements. Really good for memory. I was double blind placebo tested. I wasn't kidding when I said,

I really, I really enjoyed like watching you on Instagram and the stuff that you're into. Like I dig because you don't, you're very honest about who you are. So you don't like there's, you don't split hairs about, like, yeah, this stuff is cool. I want to learn more about it. And you'll ask people, like,

you have genuine interest in feedback and stuff like that. That's what I dig, because there's so many people that are like, they wouldn't want to say, like, I had a Coca-Cola Classic at lunch today because someone's going to tell them there's, like, corn syrup in there. Right.

We live in that kind of, like, a weird thing, but. Well, if you really feel that way, I feel like you shouldn't have the coca-cola classic right you know just to do what you want to do and if you have if there's any repercussions this is probably something you shouldn't have done in the first place and you should learn from that i think so many people go through life like trying to project something instead of just being who they are and working on what the negative aspects of whoever they have designed themselves to be yeah instead of working on that they just put up this fucking fake facade that's too labor intensive right i have no desire to do that i

pretend you're someone who you're not just seems to me like a lot of goddamn effort a lot of work and for what what do you get out of it like look, look at Charlie Sheen, okay? That guy's a junkie, okay? He's a junkie, and he loves whores. And everybody knows it, and they love him. It's not like some fucking secret, but it's because he's like, hey, I like to smoke rocks, and

I pay girls to suck my dick. Good night! You know, and everybody's like, I love him. He's so refreshing. He's honest. Isn't that amazing that a guy can be on a network fucking television show, like a squeaky clean CBS show, like two and a half men, and do these interviews about smoking rocks and paying girls to leave. You don't pay them to have sex with you. You pay them to leave.

And everybody's like, yes! I love him! Hashtag winning. Right. Has him hashtag winning right hashtag Tiger blood I mean I saw that all over the the internet when when that all went down And he you know look did the reality of who he was It's not pretty I mean it looks like he's a hundred years old his fucking face is falling off right the guy He looks really bad like there's there's some some of the videos that he did like right after he got kicked off that show and he did like these weird Podcast style videos where he's like staring into the camera like people behind him. He looks like he's sweaty death right You know just was coming out of his fucking mind

Still people loved the fact that he was being who he really is But still, people loved the fact that he was being who he really is. I think so much of what you see, like when you see Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah Winfrey's couch saying how much she's in love. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love. And all the women in the audience are like, yeah, hey, he's a national lover. And everybody else is like, you're bullshitting me. You're bullshitting me, but I'm used to being bullshitted, so I just deal with it. Right.

Like The Bachelor. You're peeing on my back and telling me it's raining, Tom Cruise. I'm used to it. I'm going to put up with it, but only because Top Gun was a great movie. Exactly. It's like we're shocked that that girl fucked a bunch of handsome guys that she got drunk with. Right? Whoever that girl is, good for you, young lady.

I hope you got your rocks off. I hope you sucked a lot of delicious dicks and had a old time like Flintstones style different world back then you could say gay and it had nothing it was totally different yeah oh it would the thing that I'm still puzzled by right now is that I got I put up a picture on Instagram about like a picture with some friends or whatever and the amount of people that will go out of their way to say nasty stuff to strangers. Yeah. I'll put a picture up of friends that I'm hanging with and someone will go after someone in the picture. And I'm like, what?

How much does your life suck that you need to go attack a stranger virtually? Yeah. It's just not. It seems to me like internet cunts, they fall into several categories. But the most egregious are YouTube and Instagram. Yeah. Like, Twitter, at least my Twitter feed, is surprisingly polite and nice and genuine and kind and friendly.

I mean, people always talk about the negative people they deal with on the internet. I deal with nice people 99.9% of the time. It's almost all nice people. Occasionally, a twat will sneak through the net and find their way into my Twitter feed. But then you just block them and then you're done with it. But Instagram, good luck trying to block those fucking monsters. And they all have, if you go to their accounts, they're all locked. Right.

I feel like if you're going to be critical of of my pictures let me be critical of yours there's a couple times i always think because for me it's not that different from like being in middle school and people like i'm gonna this is not gonna shock you i was a little weird in middle school too like that not much has changed the world was weird in middle school as well the world's just more accepting of us i'm the exact same person but good for you. It's like lunchroom bullying, but on this virtual level. So guess what? I would stand up for myself then. So sometimes I'll watch people, and I don't get a lot anymore,

but when they said I was on Top Gear or when I started being on TV for NASCAR, then you would see those people come out of the woodwork. And even still, I could do these funny videos for NASCAR on NBC with Danica Patrick and Kevin Harvick, all these people. And someone will be like, you suck, you're fat, you're stupid. And that's fine. I'm not. I don't mind.

But I would say 95% of the time, I at least like to know. If it's something funny, then I'll laugh and just move on. But if it's something to where they really want to go after you, I'll be like, okay, let me at least look at at your profile and if i can tell they don't know any better you just block them mute them roll on but if i feel like they know better every once in a while just i'll just lean back a tiny bit and this guy one day went after me about something stupid and he told me how stupid i was and fat and ugly and i shouldn't have a job and whatever i looked at his picture his profile on twitter and it was a picture with him and his daughter like going canoeing and so all i said was hey man i hope no one ever says to your daughter at school what you just said to me because i know that'll feel bad for you to hear that

and he you would have thought i cussed his mother he came after me so hardcore at that how dare you look at my picture and and how dare you try to how dare you make me public right yeah he is public we're all public yeah if you're on the internet you fuck you're public right it's not a thing and i was like i wasn't being mean i was just being honest like hey how about golden rule this sucker like don't say mean stuff to people if you don't want them to say it back to you like it's fascinating dude people have said mean shit to me and i retweet them that's it just retweet them and like you fucking bully you're an asshole you sick sick your friends. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no. All I did was retweet what you put out there. This is you. And I let everyone know this is you. This is you. I just shared you

with the world. Yeah. I shared you. You know, it's not being a bully. Do I have a bigger platform than you? Of course I do, fuck face. That's how you know who I am. i don't know who you are that's simple logic it's like you know don't stick your hand in the cage if you don't want to get bit right because that's what's going to happen i'm going to retweet you and then everyone is going to all these other people that are bored looking for some asshole to shit on right they get home they're tired of taking shit from their boss their fucking wife is an asshole their kids suck and they're happy to climb up your ass and plant bombs. Right. They're happy.

I'll give you an earful. Yeah, exactly. But I think it's because of the same reasons why people were bullying people in middle school, where you don't see nearly as much when you become an adult. Yeah. I think it's because it's a new thing. Sure. And I think that this cyber communication is it's untested we have

to figure it out we don't know what the fuck we're doing all the normal shit involved in communication like social cues and knowing and first of all someone accepting you as a person they want to have a conversation with there's a lot of these people that you're communicating with online that you would never accept as communication partners in real life. Right. You would meet them. They'd be gross.

You'd be like, Mike's a dick. And you just like stop talking to him. Right. Or stop visiting his place of business or, or whatever. But because they can just get to you without any, you don't have to accept them. You don't have to choose them. Right. You don't have to pick you.

Cause you pick your friends if you're a wise person and you'll have a better life if you do that. If you don't pick your friends, you just let anybody in your life, you develop a series of fucking incurable disasters over and over and over again that you never really recover from. And you live your life based on the momentum of a bunch of assholes who aren't thinking

straight. And that's a lot of people. I have friends like that that live their life like that. It's just one fucking disaster after another fucking disaster and if you get caught up in the the hurricane that is their life they'll drag you into the cyclone you'll get fucking tossed out into the ocean somewhere or you you choose but in the online world you don't get to choose right so if you're out there and what they're doing by blocking you they think well I'll just get him and he can't even get me back And then so they put their little fucking little locked profile on Instagram And it's just guaranteed they're a coward like anybody who has a locked profile that talks shit

I don't I just block them immediately. Yeah, I don't even think twice I don't I don't respond to them if they think like they've like there's a writer in nascar that blocked me and i was laughing right a writer yeah and and it was just one of those things where for some reason this guy decided the day i showed up he hated me but i laughed because i thought that means you thought i wanted to know what you thought but i never wanted to know what you thought because i didn't care then and i didn't care now but the fact that he went to that effort it made me giggle like same thing if some stranger says you're stupid and then block me like I'm so sorry you must have thought I was going to want to learn more about you after you insulted me what writer could seriously get to know you and not think you're a great guy that's confusing

to me thank you you're a very friendly guy like what why did he decide that you were a dick great question what was his criticism what did he decide that you were a dick? Great question. What was his criticism? What did he say? What's his name, by the way? No. Please. Let's find out. There's this one guy that was a NASCAR rider. There can't be too many of those, are there? There's a bunch. There's a bunch.

It is a great guy. Honestly, it's great to write with people. Do they write with crayons? Napkins and shit? No, not anymore. I think most of them have a brother typewriter. I think it's brother. Is that right? This one dude would go on like serious and say terrible things about me, how much he disliked me. But then he was really nice to me at the track

and he did a bunch of shows. Big boy, and I'll say this. He's a big boy, like a fat guy? He was. Big slobby? He was. Big self-loathing cheeseburger-eating motherfucker. He's gone now. He's dead? He's dead? Yeah. He died of a heart attack? Yeah. Poor fat fuck. He was. Big self-loathing cheeseburger eating motherfucker. He's gone now. He's dead? He's dead? Yeah. He died of a heart attack?

Yeah. Poor fat fuck. He had a windbreaker that he would take when he went to eat chili dogs. Whoa. And that was kind of, when I found that out, someone I worked with was like, you know, he puts on like a tarp to eat chili dogs. I was like, I can't. I got to leave this guy alone. His stuff is a lot worse than anything I got going on in my life if you need a tarp for

a chili dog. That's a guy who either really loves his clothes or knows he's a slob and just gave in. I think it was a second. Could be. A lot of self-loathing is involved in people being mean to people because they want you to feel the way they feel. Yeah. At least a little bit.

You know, they want to reach out. Like, I've had communication with people online. They're like really mean to people. And then you go and look at their Twitter feed and like you'll find some like suicidal shit in there. Right. You know, you'll find some. They're just miserable. Yeah.

There's a lot of that. There's a lot of people out there that are hurting. I think the model of life that the majority of people are living in civilization, the civilized world, when you're involving offices and jobs that you don't really want and places that you don't really want to go to but you have to like what you're doing for a living you enjoy you're obviously you have a real passion for cars and having a great time that's the ideal life for everybody yeah that's what everybody really wants but there's not a lot of people get to be you sure a small amount of people they get to be you just it's like a not

even a one you know people talk about the be you so it's like a not even a one you know people talk about the one percenters it's not even the 1% that are doing what they want to do do you think Donald Trump is doing he wants to do that fucking goofy prick wants to be president he wants right he wants to be loved he was paying people to cheer at his presidential announcement right he's just an ego he's just a big ego you that's not, he just got on that path and that's the path that he's using to try to validate himself. Sure.

But if you are not living a life that you enjoy, you're, you're going to have this fucking feeling all the time of God damn it. Like, why can't I be on top gear or why can't I do this? Or why can't I be the fucking UFC commentator? Or why can't I be the president? Or why can't I do this? Or why can't I be the fucking UFC commentator? Or why can't I be the president? Or why can't I do this? And what about fucking shit? And that's a lot of people, man.

It's all day is fuck this guy in his fucking Corvette and fuck that guy in his Ferrari and fuck this guy in his big house and fuck him with his hot wife and fuck him with his fucking kids that don't suck. You know? It it's hard man true It's it's hard and most of us are the victims of shitty childhoods and people who had kids that didn't know what the fuck they were Doing yeah, and they pro it's like it's like imagine getting programmed imagine

You had a program computer program all right and your computer was programmed by someone like me Who doesn't know jack shit about computers right? And your computer was programmed by someone like me who doesn't know jack shit about computers. I know how to type my name in the fucking you know, my password and how to get my Gmail, but I don't know what's going on underneath the fucking surface of this world. I don't know. So I'm an idiot. You know, if I had to program my own computer, it would

be a disaster. It would be crashing every five... That's... A human being is essentially like a gigantic biological computer Which is the most complex one we know And they're being engineered and programmed by morons Millions and millions of morons They're raising kids and fucking them up

And then it's our job as the kids who got fucked up To sort of decipher what the fuck our parents did wrong to us And try to make it through life with as much happiness as we possibly can till our heart stops beating. And that's a complex puzzle. Not everybody makes it through and figures that fucking thing out. That's it. And those are the people on Instagram with locked accounts.

And those are the people that eat chili dogs with windbreakers on and smile to your face and shit on you on your fucking computer or on serious satellite radio or whatever they do it's just it's hard it's hard to be nice man it's hard it's hard to like yourself forget about liking other people especially liking other people that are successful hosting top gear with that handsome tanner faust and that beautiful adam ferrara i mean god damn it i i will say this i, like if, if, if your life sucks, if it's not where you want, you, you know, you we've all been there, but like, I think a lot of people forget sometimes that you can change that. Like we, the reality that we're flying

through this gigantic marble in space, it will kind of blow your mind. But the fact that you can wake up every day and do what you want to do or not do what you want to do, like, that's pretty awesome. Like these things, the fact that we're sitting here, this didn't happen by accident, you know? And I think sometimes people forget that, like, if there's something out there that you want, you're going to have to physically do something about it, you know? And that's the one thing that when people come after me that I, I love having fun. Like I want to make people's day better. You know, that for me, it was like like I was either going to try to go back to school and be some sort of teacher, like a high school counselor, because Columbine and stuff like that breaks my heart.

I can't believe that happens. And it's because those kids didn't have the parents that I did, who when they got made fun of, the parents weren't there to say, You're fine. There's nothing wrong with you. There's something wrong with those people that they don't have enough confidence in who they are that they're going to take it out on everybody else. And so I thought, well, I'm either going to do that or I'm going to try and get on TV and make as many people smile as I can.

But it's because I wanted to do something about it. Like, I just sometimes it breaks my heart that there are people that aren't willing to push and say I want something better. Well, I think a lot of people feel trapped in their existence because they sort of live their life on momentum, and they got kind of stuck in this trap. They're in high school, and then they go to college, and they get student loans, and they somehow get out,

and they don't have a job, and they're trying to find a job, and then they take whatever job they can get, and they still have debt, and then they have a family, and then they have mouths to feed, and they feel fucking trapped and super frustrated. Sure. So they see a guy like you who's putting a 900-horsepower engine and a Scion and running around like a fucking crazy person on television, and they get mad. Yeah. Because you look at your sweet guy, you have a big smile on your face, you look like you're having a great time.

And for people who are not having a good time, one of the most punishing things is watching someone live their life better. Yeah. It's like we were talking about drifting, like how good Tanner is at driving a fucking car. When he drifts, he's an artist, right? It's like he's moving like a ballet dancer. Totally. If I was drifting, I'm sure I'd do it way better. I don't even know how to drift.

Okay, let's pretend I took some drifting lessons today. Sure. I know how to drive, but I guarantee you I've looked like a clunk clunky fuckhead in comparison to him I'm not doing as good a job and the drifting or driving or doing anything or bowling or fucking playing darts It's like life. There's gonna be people that are better at it than you right okay, and you could either learn What are they doing differently and try to apply that to your own life, or you can just shit on them. It's a lot easier to shit on them than to try to learn something.

It's a lot easier to shit on them. And sometimes you're shitting on people and you're correct. Sometimes you're shitting on people and you realize you are watching some bloated ego or some ridiculous version of a pop singer that record companies are trying to stuff down your face. And you know it's horseshit. Right. And you're correct in comparing them to whatever, fill in the blank, Lou Reed or Mick Jagger or whatever the fuck it is that you really appreciate. You're correct. But a lot of times what you're doing is just bitching.

Yeah. A lot of times you're just trying to figure out why you're not happy. You know, you're seeing someone on television or in the movies or just on the cover of a magazine. And you're angry because it's not you. Because for whatever reason, you got down a bad path. And you got stuck in this fucking shitty existence that seems to have no exit door. And you don't know what to do. So you lock up that instagram account

you start shitting away just crapping on strangers fuck you you fucking shitty fucking host you bad person you just farting in your fucking office chair and sniffing your own farts and keeping typing and horrible people out there i don't mean to make you think that i have a ton of those they're just they're you're gonna have them oh yeah of those. They're just, they're my... You're going to have them. Oh, yeah. Look, the better you do, the more you're going to have. There's no getting around it.

But I think it's a temporary stop. I really do. I think we are about maybe a decade or two away from no one ever having secrets ever. From everyone understanding everyone's motivation motivation being able to read people's minds i i think we're we're getting closer and closer to each other in some ridiculous way through technology sure and that's what's going on with these people that you would have never chosen to communicate with reach out and fuck with you you know whether it's through twitter or facebook or what have you i think that we're going to come to a point in time where and not

too far away from now where we're going to share thoughts in some sort of a weird way. It's not going to be as simple as like reading something on Reddit or, you know, Facebook or Instagram. It's going to be way more complex. Yeah. It's going to be, we're going to have, have you seen that thing that they did where they did an experiment where they, um, they hooked these people up to some sort of a brain detecting device, electrodes on their head, and they sent words through the internet across the world. Like instantaneously, these people on the other side of the world received these words and knew what the person was saying.

Like brain to brain communication. You haven't seen that? I have not. And that's crazy. It's nuts, man. I'm not, I don't totally understand how they did it. I think they can only do it with crude words right now. Like, yes, no, you know, you suck.

Like those kinds of thoughts, because I think they think you identify in your head what that word means, and you commit to that thought, and then they can transmit that thought. Pull up that study, because I don't understand it. I think it is binary. I think it turned that word in a binary code of some kind, transmitted that one zero on offs to you, and then you know what, there was only a couple things they had in it. So they knew what it was only a couple things they had in it so

So they knew what it was because of the binary, but I it's a shower. Hello or something like that Hello, goodbye, well Did they just play the flight of the concords song about the binary solo? Do you think that's what it was? I don't know that one. I love those guys New Zealand's are my favorite. New Zealand's a nice spot. They're gentle people. It's a sweet spot, but they're trying to, Kim.com's getting fucked over over there. Yeah. They stole all his money and they're trying to import him or export him to the United States, deport him rather.

That's a weird situation, huh? That mega upload situation. Because he didn't, you know, he's never even been to America and they're trying to bring him to America for some alleged crimes against these alleged movie companies where people were uploading videos. Right. It's very, very complex. But it's also, like, I would like to know, like, what percentage of that site was being used for that and what percentage of it was being used for people just uploading things. I don't totally understand how he was, were people paying like a subscription fee?

I don't know either. I don't know either. Sometimes when people make a lot of money, you're like, well, how did that just happen? Okay. A company in Barcelona called Starlab described transmitting short words like chow encoded as binary digits between the brains of individuals on different continents. Both sides, both studies use a similar setup. The sender of the message wore an EEG electroencephalography cap

that captured electrical signals generated by his cortex while he thought about moving his hands or feet. These signals were then sent over the Internet to a computer that translated them into jolts delivered to a recipient's brain using a magnetic coil. In Starlab's case, the recipient perceived a flash of light. In the University of Washington case, the magnetic pulse caused an involuntary twitch of the wrist over a touchpad to shoot a rocket into a computer game.

Whoa. See, we're getting to this weird place in technology and the the the ability that we have to manipulate technology the ability you have to manipulate matter and information that's it's going to make haters online it's going to be it's going to be ridiculous this is a temporary pit stop like an adolescent stage and the communication that we're enjoying and it's it's what it is is if you look back at Watch Game of Thrones send a raven. You know, they take a fucking Raven tie a message to his leg, you know That was like the only way you can get a message to somebody right that is ridiculous now And I think these ideas of texts and tweets and all that stuff

It will be ridiculous in the future because we'll just have something that's far more satisfying, far more direct. You'll understand sarcasm. You're going to understand when someone's fucking. You ever get a text from someone, you're like, are you fucking with me? Is this guy really mad at me or is he fucking with me? Right. And then you have to say, are you fucking with me? And they're like, totally.

Totally. No, I'm not serious. We're just joking around. And sometimes they are serious, but they're pretending they're not serious. You're going to be able to feel that. Right. You're saying that we could wake up one day and i'll be like i'll be thinking we should get coffee and you'll be thinking that sounds great or you'll be like i'll show up at your house with a coffee you won't even have a conversation and nootropics

nootropics nootropics that was close they'll help your dad with his memory is that it oh yeah for sure my buddy parker kligerman's doing something with those. There's a bunch of different nootropics that'll help with memory, but we've done two double-blind placebo-controlled tests on it with the Boston Institute of Memory, Boston Center for Memory. Wait, can you not remember the name of the center? I can't remember. Damn it.

We've got work left to do it's not important to me I'm just I'm just for me. I do if you like names. I don't remember people's names Mike Bob Tim It's not important. It's like that's that dude. You know like I love that but when something's important to me I've never fucking forgot it right like like what I do like UFC commentary, and I start talking about past fights I don't have notes those aren't from notes that's all just from my head I just remember fights good for you remember I've probably called like 1500 professional fights at least wow and I just remember just that Rolodex it's in there I don't remember all of them sometimes I have to

research or go back but I remember most of them, most of the big ones, most important ones. But a memory is a weird thing, man. You know, I went to this thing the other day, my daughter had this dance recital and she had been to the same place two years before and I'd only been there once. And as I was walking, I was like, where do I go? Oh yeah. I go over here.

Like all of a sudden my brain went, yeah, yeah. Let me pull those files up. Right. You got to go over here. And I was like thinking as I was walking, I was like, how weird a sudden, my brain went, yeah, yeah, let me pull those files up. Right. You got to go over here. And I was, like, thinking as I was walking, I was like, how weird is this that my brain is just pulling these files up now? Because if it wasn't for this recital that I had to go do, I would never remember any of this shit. But for whatever reason, your brain can, like, reach back and find those files and pull them out when necessary. For now.

Like, it'll keep them for, like, like, it's like sort of like tweets. Right. Someone sends you a direct message and Twitter cleans those out after like six months or something. Like, you don't need this anymore. Trying to save some space. This wasn't important. I'm going to kick this out of here.

You know, I think that's also going to be one of the things that gets resolved with technology. I think the way we memorize things now is like really crude. Sure. And doesn't work that good. I think we're going to be able to record things that you see directly to some sort of medium, like whether it's a SD card

or whatever the fuck it is. And you're going to be able to share experiences with someone else. You're going to be, your wife is like, hey, how was work today? You're like, well, why don't you fucking live it, bitch? You put the card in her little slot.

I'll show you. Yeah, and she's like, oh, my God, I just jumped a fucking school bus over the top of a bridge, and flames were shooting out of it. Yeah, so I did work today. Yeah, worked pretty good. Pretty good day of work, honey. That's going to be crazy. Yeah, we're going to.

But you know what's really bumming me out And what's gonna bum me out as an automotive enthusiast as you are as well is these self-driving cars It's so strange isn't it well it isn't it isn't I think we need it because I think a lot of assholes drive like shit but man, it's gonna be a bummer when you can't just go for a ride up the fucking angel's crest highway and just just just have fun just go drive and you know roll the window down and feel it and just or is it possible it will make driving for people like us even better because no one three minutes okay no one else like if if all the people that suck at driving are in autonomous cars yeah and we're just in the left lane in fast cars, won't that be better? Yeah, maybe.

If you have to like, you know, like every Tanner Faust guy is allowed to drive whatever the fuck he wants. Right. Because he has such an expertise. What if there's like a test? Right. Because like my 53 Plymouth, there's no way you could make a computer big enough to drive that thing yourself. Do you think we'll ever get to a point where you're not allowed to drive those cars? Like there's some weird laws in California

Like one of the reasons why people like older cars because you don't have to smog them hell. Yes Yeah, but look at Mexico City that fucking picture that I showed you today That's what happens when you let people not smog their cars or you have too many cars and we don't want that So like where do you draw the line? I mean, there's only a certain amount of 1969 Chevelles that are available in the world, right? or you have too many cars. And we don't want that. So, like, where do you draw the line? I mean, there's only a certain amount of 1969 Chevelles that are available in the world. Right. You know, and you've got to find one of those in order to have a 1969 Chevelle.

That's it. They don't make them anymore. Totally. And if you want to build a new 1969 Chevelle, well, guess what, bitch? That's got to get smugged. That's not going to be the same. But I think that, you know, there's good in it, and there's bad. You know, it's not clean. It seems like if you've been drinking, there's good in it and there's bad, you know, you know, it's not, it's not clean.

It seems like if you've been drinking, it's a genius idea. Oh, it's perfect. Right? Just drop me off at home. Park yourself in the garage. That sounds awesome. But imagine if you were in that self-driving car and you're safe and sound and some dick wad in a fucking Mustang is going hoonigin' around the corner.

He's just doing a standing burnout at the stoplight Boom he smashes into you. You know then you're like well everybody should be in these fucking driverless cars God damn it didn't they crash one of those Google cars though? There's been some confirmation that the Google cars have actually crashed, so they're not they're not perfect yet They're not but they've probably crashed a lot less than the people that work for Google. Right? Touche. Now, see, that's a stat I don't want to learn. Turns out just because you're good with a laptop doesn't mean you're good with a Camry.

Dude, I had a great time talking to you. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being on. We've got to do this again. That was great. What's funny is I was like, how long are some of these? This was three hours. Yeah, how about that?

I feel like I just got here. Flew by, man. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being on, man. I really appreciate it. And I enjoy your show. And when can people watch? It's on the History Channel.

Yes, we just ran our season of Lost in Transmission. So we'll go back to work, it looks like, into the summer on Top Gear. That'll take a little while to make, and then hopefully we'll do more Lost in Transmission. And you can see me every weekend on NBC starting in July for all our NASCAR coverage. And what is your Twitter handle? It's at Rutledge Wood. R-U-T-L-E-D-G-E. Beautiful.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be back tomorrow with hypnotist Vinny Shorman, the man that Joe Schilling was telling me about. He's going to hypnotize me. I'm going to tell you if this shit works. See you guys. Much love. Thanks, buddy. Appreciate it.