The Joe Rogan Experience - #67 - Hal Sparks

Episode Date: December 30, 2010

Joe sits down with Hal Sparks.

We'll see you fainted Instead of go To the U.S. Listen in on this, Hal. Listen in on this. Get your groove going, man. You can't be on the wrong different page as us. Hal Sparks is in the house.

Yes. He didn't have his headphones on yet. Literally. This is the coop, Brian? Yeah, we are the ones. This is the Coop, Brian? Yeah, we are the ones. C-O-U-P? Yes. Isn't that just Coop, then?

Isn't C-O-U-P Coop? Isn't like when someone overtakes the government? Yes. So why are we saying coup? I was thinking chicken coop. I don't think chicken coop is spelled that way, brother. No, you're right. I think it's double O's.

Double O's says House Sparks. I agree with him. Yeah. You know, they are the ones that after 9-11 had that controversial album with the two Twin Towers, I think, that were exploding. Really? Remember that? The CD?

Damn, I don't remember that at all, but that's the way to get attention. Yeah. That's the way. That would reinforce the coup concept as a name, as opposed to, I remember when Biggie did the original blow up like the world trade and people are like,

Whoa, what the fuck did you say? And that's only when a few people had died. Right. You know, a bold move coup. They're taking over, folks. That's what it is.

I mean, I guess those are the kind of things you're going to say when you're trying to break through the din of a saturated market. Yeah. Before we get into any controversial subjects, we must thank our sponsor, The Fleshlight. We are sponsored by a masturbation tool, Mr. Sparks. I don't know if you've ever used one of these things before. I have not used it, but I'm familiar with the concept. Have you touched one? You can touch it. These are all virgins. Except for fingers. Put your finger inside of one of these things before. I have not used it, but I'm familiar with the concept. Have you touched one? You can touch it.

These are all virgins. Except for fingers. Put your finger inside of it. No, no, I get you. It's a fascinating product, man. It works very well. That's good to know. Very effective.

That's good. It's not just a novelty item. The blue color is a nice touch. For the necrophiliac. How about the double clips? Nephiliac and you. Does anybody really ever turn blue? I don't think they ever hit that stage, that color.

I guess it would be a hypothermia. You're high. Or they're an alien, right? Yeah, or they really are an alien. Or you find a body in a river. Which I would be for. Do you think a body in a river looks like that? Probably.

It's like blue, green, it's veiny, it's bloated. The bloated fleshlight. I don't know. And if we look at Silence of the Lambs as our reference point for the body found in the woods, she was relatively pinkish. Her fingertips and feet were bluish, but I think they never closed up on the guy. How many dudes get inspired by those movies to become serial killers? How many people just want to be someone special, so they go, that guy got caught, but I'm going to go out there and do that?

A lot of them are too, I guess, don't have the ability to see it through. Because serial killers, that well a lot of them a lot of them are too uh i guess don't have the uh the ability to see it through because serial killer that's a that's a commitment man most people do the uh yeah sorry i don't know how to shut it right leave it unopened does it spoil or something um dude my fleshlight went bad it's rot um but uh a lot of guys what they'll do is uh they'll get inspired by that, do the workplace violence thing, go out and shoot a girlfriend, shoot up their office. That's where those guys come from. And then they end up shooting themselves because it's nothing like they expected.

Is that why they do it or do they plan on shooting themselves in the first place? Some say they do or whatever. They're going to commit suicide by cop or whatever. But a lot of them go down because they're looking at the dead people and going, this is nothing like a movie. This is nothing like a video game, this is nothing like I thought. They just can't take it.

Because of the guys who've survived trying to kill themselves, that's what they've said. Jesus Christ, how fucking... It just shows the broad spectrum of human thinking and behavior. It's so fascinating. You meet someone

and you just can't jive with this guy. This guy is broken or he's fucking wacky or whatever. And you're like, God, I could have just met the coolest person in the world. Instead, I met the douchiest person in the world just on random. Right. You know? It's if someone like in the other world who's running the game controller that runs that particular body in this environment, it's as if he handed the controller to his friend and went, just try the game for a while.

You know what I mean? And a second ago, there was a guy who knew how to run it. It was like, okay, I'm living a good life. I've got a guy going. He's pretty interesting. And then he hands it to his friend who's never played the game before, and he's like, I keep running into the wall.

There's a lot of people that just keep running into the walls. Totally. You'll run into people that I've met people in my life that easily could have been shooters. They easily could have. They're just one tragedy away, one ass kicking away, one life ass kicking. You lose your job, lose your house. I was one in high school.

I wasn't that far off. Really? Yeah. For real? Yeah, for real. What was it about? Bullying? No, no.

I came from the country like Stickville, you know, like Kentucky. And I moved to Chicago. And the first year I was there, I was pretty fucking miserable because I was such an outcast. And it was so, like it was a super rich school. I went from a school that had 140 people in my class to 1,400 in my class. And I had a southern accent and fucking peach fuzz mustache. And we were broke. And I lived in a guest house up the street. And all these kids were like rolling in Mercedes and that kind of stuff.

And I had that kind of outsider like anger about it. And then what solved it was the fact that two girls approached me at a party at the same time, and it occurred to me that there was a fork in the road here. I could go violent hell or I could get laid, and this was the choice, and I went with getting laid. Wow. So your response to just being an outcast, you just wanted to get violent with them? Yeah, well, certain ones of them.

I mean, I got in a bunch of fights the first, like, three months I was there. Almost got kicked out. What the fuck is that about people that, you know, when new people come around, they just immediately sense the weakness and want to start fucking with them? Yeah. There the fuck is that about people that, you know, when new people can't come around, they just immediately sense the weakness and want to start fucking with them. There's some people that just do that. Right.

I had the same situation in my life where I moved around a lot. We moved from the time I was seven. We moved to New Jersey or to from New Jersey to San Francisco, lived in San Francisco until I was 11 and then 11 to 13, lived in Florida and then 13 to 24 lived in Boston right so it was the same sort of thing it was like you never really get settled right you know and right when you develop some friends and start you know having like a little base of people you hang out with and it seems like life is normal yeah for kids that's fucking huge man if you don't have friends you don't have a life like totally adults think that they can

just fucking take your kids and snatch them out of some place and it's not going to hurt them to just well you're just going to get used to kansas right you know and then they get douched on in school and they don't have any friends anymore meanwhile they had the coolest friends ever back home and wherever the fuck they're from that's a traumatic fucking thing for yeah i think as an adult you just kind of it's you you do take some level of friendship for granted because you start recognizing the world as a relatively big place in a positive sense and that there are people to hang out with everywhere you go. And you overlay that thought form on a new brain, it doesn't quite land as well. The issue is, I think, well, you know, really it's just a hurdle.

And you got over it and I got over it and most kids do get over it. In fact, it could be argued that the best way to make an interesting person is to put them through a fucked up childhood. Absolutely. Because pretty much everybody that I know that's interesting all my friends had fucked up childhoods i don't have any normal friends where you know they talk about their childhood it was just like my dad was always there for me took me to fucking wrestling practice every day and my mom always baked cakes none of nobody i don't hear any of that shit and most of the ones i do meet are relatively miserable

yeah and i spend a good deal of my time entertaining a lot of them. Do you think that they're normal too? No. Or do you think they're just different in a different way? I think they sublimate. We need directions for life, goddammit. We need a fucking guide. This is ridiculous that we get stuck into the most complicated puzzle any living organism that we can comprehend can go through.

The idea of evolving as a human being and becoming a productive member of society, getting your emotions in order, getting your energy in order getting your your energy in order getting your life in order your friendships in order that's fucking uber complicated it is right and we don't even have a guidebook well but the guidebook would be wrong at the crucial point is the problem and by the way we've tried to set up guidebooks that's what religion is yeah but would there be a way to have a guidebook just for clarity of thinking, just objective clarity of thinking and letting people understand? I think that's like a giant percentage of what the problem with human beings is, is that even if they find the answer, if the answer doesn't jive with their life, they're not willing to accept it. They get angry about whatever it is.

Everything has to bottleneck through their past. Whatever it is. Everything has to bottleneck through their past. People just have these fucking rigid ideas in their head. And once those ideas are challenged, then it becomes a battle for their soul. It's not just they disagree about an issue and I'm not totally attached to it. I've had great conversations with people that I really, super appreciate when they're not attached to their idea. You know what I mean?

Right. When they're not arguing in a real real personal way when it's like you know you you look when they're in not in insecure about yeah they just have an idea about things that's the only way human beings ever evolve but the problem is life is a big dick contest and everyone wants their idea to be the best idea sure so they try to enforce rather be right than happy yeah exactly yeah exactly and the people who are always trying to be right are never happy no they're miserable yeah always the most winning is the only sense they have the most miserable people right the most who always want to be right you know and even in places where it's not right like there's a comic that i know

that would always criticize people's acts and tell them like what are you doing this for man you could? You can do better than this. And the guy liked his act, but his act is like super juvenile, like that kind of a shit. That's it's really the same thing. It's like, what are you saying? What you like, right? You want everyone to like what you like. Exactly. It's absurd. It's you know, for an extreme example, it's one of the things when I laugh at people who go off on Nickelback or something like that, or even Carrot carrot top where you're like you they literally go what a bunch of corporate assholes who just sell their shit and you go wait a minute what elvis costello song should they be doing in a coffee house to make you happy because they exist even at balance to help what you like exist to some degree and you you need to leave that shit alone. If it doesn't resonate with you, who cares?

It's too successful is what it is. It's too successful and it's too smooth and it's too packaged. What it is is they're good. They're a good pop band. Right. I met that Nickelback guy too. They were doing a thing. Yeah, man, recently.

I was at the UFC and they had a show the night before the UFC. I thought you were going to say salon. No, we got our nails done together. I was getting my knuckles shaved, and he was getting his nails done. You got to wax. I want to let everybody know I'm hairy everywhere. I don't give a fuck. We were at Linens and things, and I met the guy from Nickelback.

But that's one of those universal, easy to hate, Justin Bieber type things. I don't have a problem with Justin Bieber. It seems like he's a little kid. Right, that's what I mean. Everybody's like, fucking Justin Bieber. If I hear one more fucking Justin Bieber song, I'm like, what channel are you listening to? Go outside, man. Go for a walk. Smell some flowers, bro.

You know how many radio stations there actually are? Fuck. Where the fuck is your iPod at this point? You know, it's interesting that we're talking about teenagers. If I buy and load one more Justin Bieber song on my own iPod and listen to it as I sleep, I'm going to kick my own ass. If my dick gets hard in one more Justin Bieber song, we're fighting. Yeah, right. I'm going to beat myself up. Do you remember that kid?

I don't remember his name, but he performed that paparazzi song. He did it in like a school talent show. And he has this incredible voice. His name is like Gleason or something like that. God damn it. Somebody put it up on the board. Have you heard about that rapper that's like eight years old? Somebody throw that up on my Twitter because you know who it is.

The kid was on Ellen. Anyway, the kid has this insane voice. And the video is this really intense video because it's like, you haven't seen it? Oh, dude, you got to pull that up. Pull that video up so he can watch this and we can talk about this. Do you know what his name is or anything? Just like child prodigy singer Ellen. I don't know.

We'll find out. What the fuck is his name, Twitterverse? Yeah. You know who I'm talking about, goddammit. You freaks. I'll name, Twitterverse. Yeah. You know who I'm talking about, goddammit. You freaks. I'll check my Twitter feed as well. Emily, it's a girl or a guy? It's a dude. Alright.

It was Justin... Grayson Shands? Yes! That's his name, Grayson. I thought it was Glayson, because there's a fighter named Glayson Tebow. It looks like Justin Bieber. What are you doing? No, that's not what we're doing, Brian.

We just go. There's a video of him. There's a video of him in like a town. No. What is that? Fucking commercials. Yeah. And on YouTube.

Yes, that's it. That's the video. Grayson Michael. That's it. Here he goes. Oh, now check this kid out. This is a fucking like seventh grade talent contest. Okay. Check out these bitches in the audience. Oh, now check this kid out. This is a fucking like seventh grade talent contest, okay?

Check out these bitches in the audience. You have never seen like pure animalistic connection and attraction. These women can't help. They're little girls. I shouldn't say women. These little girls are fascinated by what this kid can do and the difference between them and him. It's like a chasm between like a rat and a god you know look at these girls in the audience they're staring at this kid now wait wait till you hear this motherfucker bust this shit out i've never done anything that good in my life

there's a girl in the background though listen to this kid's voice got her hand on it yeah she starts playing with her hair and her hand goes away and she starts looking around the room. Is everyone else reacting the same way? Listen to this fucking kid's voice. Listen to this. I've never been that good at anything in my life, and I never will. Joe, never listen to this song alone. That moment, I'll never hit that moment.

Really? Joe, never. Never listen to this song alone, Joe. Listen, dude. Listen to this kid's voice. This motherfucker's nailing this. He's like 11. Oh, I get it.

And he's in front of a talent contest. Nobody even knows he's doing this. This motherfucker is connecting to Gaia right now. He's a little kid, and he's figured out how to do this. You know why? He hasn't gotten any pussy yet. No one's broken his heart. No one's taken his money.

He's never had to work for food. He's not getting it in his own way is what it is. Exactly. Listen to this motherfucker. I think he needs to check his ego, though. What? What? That girl who had her hand on her face is just riveted.

That bitch is hypnotized. She's going to be, every guy who fucks her for the rest of her life, she's going to be thinking about this kid singing in the background. She's going to try to Facebook him when she's 40 and she has kids and divorced. She's never going to forget this kid, ever. And he and his partner will be living happily in Michigan. Could be. I wonder if this room smells...

Or he might just John Meyer this motherfucker. Yeah. I wonder if this room smells the same at the end of this song as when it started. I think it smells the same as a fish store. No. It couldn if this room smells the same at the end of this song as when it started. I think it smells the same as a fish store. No. It couldn't possibly. They're children.

Those little bitches are breeding, man. We got hormones in the beef. That's not what eggs smell. Listen, every one of those little fucks can get pregnant. If they were banging,

they'd have kids. They'd all have kids. Gorillas in the mist. Yeah, we are gorillas in the mist. But here's the thing, too. This is... He's got a purity of emotion that he's connecting to,

but it's not the same as what's happening in that song. Yeah. Fascinating. It's his own... Your raw fears as a kid. Your raw disconnection. That has nothing to do with the content of the lyrics. Nothing.

It just fits. Right. I mean, he's singing about paparazzis and cigarettes and, you know. That shows you about music, man, that it really is like all art, a window into purity. A window into purity of expression. And it doesn't matter if you even know the words to what you're saying. No, well, that's the thing. It's the melody that's the resonant part.

Yeah, it's like a sound freak thing. But when you hear words that nail it too, then it brings it another level. Oh, yeah. When it's like the perfect lyric along with the perfect music, music is such a trip, man. Yeah.

Well, I had band rehearsal last night for, what, three and a half hours. And we were working on some stuff and we were adding songs to the lineup and stuff that I hadn't with my former bandmates had never been able to get the vibe of came really naturally with these guys.

It was like we're standing there after the song going, Your band is called Zero One, right? The word zero and the number one. Yeah. If you leave me alone and there's nothing else to do, if I don't have a place to go or whatever, what I do is write music. Wow.

And I can sit with a guitar and start writing stuff. And I feel like I'm at a certain point where I've written songs that actually matter to me. And once you get to that point, you get that. You get – it's spooky almost because you don't feel you feel removed from yourself. It's like great stand-up. When you do a show and you feel like you're watching yourself from behind, like your body is acting out the parts.

You're totally committed to what you're saying. But part of you is like... Your ego's not there. That's what it is. And your real spirit is like 10 feet behind you. I always say that you feel like you're a passenger. You don't really feel like you're driving you're a passenger and i guess you have your hand on the brakes in case shit goes terribly wrong totally but you have maintenance stuff to do yeah right yeah but a lot of the times you know

especially when you're just in the perfect groove yeah everybody says the same thing too you know i mean it's interesting it's a mechanic it's a mechanic that happens naturally i think and it's it's any kind of art like that and i think that's and that's that's the beauty is what he's singing has nothing to do with what's in the words of that song or what the intention of the original artist was or any of it it's just that those notes in that order shake some part of him and knock something on us loose yeah there's something like about one song that really hey dude put up um counting crows mr jones and me no dude i love this fucking song why are you oh no one that's all right you don't like that song hell no listen dude it was 1993 1993 i was living in new york big star reminds me of friends it's a good fucking song

even if that did bang Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, that's all I can think of, though. I was living in New York, and I saw this video. I was watching MTV, and I saw this video. It was like 1992 or 1993. And I was like, God, if I could just get as comfortable as this motherfucker. Right. Because he was just so comfortable.

Relaxed into what he was doing. Yeah, when he was singing and, you know, when he was dancing around singing that song, I was like, this guy is just in that zone. What song? Mr. Jones, you know, when he was dancing around singing that song, I was like, this guy is just in that zone. What song? Mr. Jones, you fuckhead. It's the same feeling I have when I listen to Black Label Society, Stillborn. I'm not kidding. It's a commercial right now.

I love commercials. Joe, going back to the Child Prodigy, have you heard of the Matty B Raps? He's the seven-year-old prodigy rapper. And he is fucking amazing. Really? Dude, he is for seven years old. I have a song for him, too, if you want to hear a song.

Oh, my God. Yeah, let's throw him on. Okay, here's a... Let's do Keisha. He'll do it. He's seven years old. A remix of Keisha. Yeah.

Hold on. Whoops. There was two things playing. Yeah. That happens on occasion. Shit. You can't... Tabs, baby. It's all about tabs. Yeah. That happens on occasions. You can't. Tabs, baby.

It's all about tabs. It's a Matty B and Counting Crows mashup. Hey, by the way, message to all you people out there with fucking music on your websites. Cut the shit. What is it, 1998? I go to your website and music starts playing. And a MIDI file. Even worse.

Exactly. And I'm searching All of your stupid website For the little button That says sound off What the fuck is wrong With you fella Okay you don't need

I had music on my website too I apologize It was a long time ago I grew from that What are you doing Brian Are you mixing You like a DJ Yes

Seven years old Seven What's his name again Matty B Seven years old. Seven. What's his name again? Matty B. This is terrible. Yeah, it'm a Macy's parade. Right float all fags. Growing up selling powwows now. This is terrible. Stop it.

It's awful. You got brain damage, bro. You've been sniffing glue. That's fresh. That is parents manipulating a child. Yeah. That is total. They basically had this kid in their living room acting out what he saw,

and they decided to turn it into something. You know what? That kid needs to live his life a little bit more. You need to tell that kid, come back when you're 11. Yeah, but I bet MC Chris is sweating right now. He's going to be awesome. MC Chris is sweating right now. You know MC Chris?

Why? Because that's his real voice? Yeah, he's like, what? That's his real voice. Well, actually, they're both real voices. MC Chris just has a super high-pitched real voice. Yeah, that's how he raps. That sounds... Yeah, I can't live in that zone.

You can't live in that zone. That music doesn't... That's not good to me. Doesn't resonate. But it's's how he rocks. That sounds... Yeah, I can't live in that zone. You can't live in that zone. That music doesn't... That's not good to me. Doesn't resonate. But it's Counting Crows. But he's seven, man. He's a fucking seven-year-old kid, dude. Well, I mean, the style...

Here's the thing. It's a lot of times when they come up with this, like, there's this prodigy who can do this kind of music. He's a seven-year-old who does this, whatever. I feel bad for all the people

who do that for a living because it basically says, your shit is so easy to do, I can make a monkey do it. I can really take a kid who's a six-year-old could do this bullshit. Who's smarter, a six-year-old or a chimp? Have they done those studies? Six-year-old. Depends on the kind of chimp. Yeah, okay, this is the song. I was living in New Rochelle in a shitty-ass apartment

that smelled like cat piss because my cat used to pee by the door. She was mad at me that I'd go away for too long. I come back, she pissed by my door. So here I am in my piss-smelling cat house. Wondering what the fuck is happening with my career. What am I doing? How do I get good? How do I get good at this comedy thing?

I get these fucking moments where I feel it. It all comes together. And I listen to this guy sing this, and I'm like, man, this guy's not trying to be anything other than what he is. Man, I wish I was beautiful. And he's dancing. My God. Tell him to stop. No, this is a good fucking song, dude.

And that guy's in the groove, man. When he's singing this, he's having fun. He's relaxed. He's not worried. They mean it. That's my issue with any music. As long as you mean it, I don't care. As long as you're sincere.

Dude, this guy, he's in the groove. He's in the groove. And I remember thinking that. Man, if I could just get as relaxed as that fucking guy is That's like 90% of it Getting to who the fuck you really are You know, ready, set, action Fucking camera and what, huh?

Lights on you, microphone Whoa, is this even real life? You're like that little kid coming back from the dentist That's all fucked up on drugs 90% of it is getting to what this guy's at right now, that groove. Well, it's 10,000 hours, man.

A lot of these guys, especially at this... It's your thinking, too. It's not just the hours. 10,000 hours is the mastery number, you know, but it's not just that.

There's 10,000 hours of open micers that suck and they can't get over the hump, man. It's not just a time thing. It's a thinking thing. No, I agree, but in his case, getting to a level of good, getting to a skill level, and then playing.

Probably at 15 years old, they were probably musically as good as they are now, physically, as far as quality of play. Really? Yeah. Are you a big County Crows fan? No, but I mean, guys in the Black Crows were like that. A lot of these bands started out when they were 15 in high school bands. By the time this shit comes out, they're 25. They've been playing for 10 years, from high school bands to legit playing,

through college, always in bands, doing it again and again and again, fucking up, getting better, getting, you know. And then at the end of it, they're like, I was as good a player 10 years ago as I am right now, but now I know why I'm playing the notes, as opposed to how to play them or where. You just know yourself more. You know, with time, as time goes on, you just know what notes are you, you know, what

resonates with you. You know, that's 90% of what it all is, is finding out what the fuck you do up there. Every band starts off almost diametrically opposed to where they end up in a lot of cases. And a lot of people call it selling out. Like look at the police police is a great example of the beginning basically a punk band and then by the time they hit what was legit who the police are as a artist everybody likes it it's very commercial and yet still acceptable as genuine art it's you know it's almost diametrically opposed to where they started out. Sort of. I know what you're saying. We've talked about that with some bands

but I always attribute it to success fucking up their motivation. I always say that when someone has that pain and they don't have that pain anymore when you have that struggle that desire to be loved that exceptional desire to be loved that's where most music, art, anything

really comes from. And when you get rich and you're just banging all these hot bitches, and then you start singing Uptown Girl. That's where it comes from. You know what I mean? That's what happened. Billy Joel, he's my perfect example. If you go and listen to old Billy Joel,

it's a guy singing on the piano, and that might not be for you, and I totally get that. No, no. But just listen to what this guy's doing, man. This is like real shit. I agree. You know, like the Ballad of Billy the Kid. That's a powerful fucking song.

Captain Jack. Dude, Captain Jack will get you high tonight. That's a great fucking song. Right. That's a beautiful song about a dude who's in pain. You know, that's about a dude who's trying to figure out life. That's a real song. You go from that to Uptown Girl.

Right. What happened? Right, right. What happened? I don't know. I song. You go from that to Uptown Girl. What happened? What happened? You were the master. You tapped into the fucking great beyond. Disconnect from their pain. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist anymore. Different drugs. Is that a brand?

Probably. Cocaine versus alcohol. Alcohol is an earthbound drug and thickens your earthbound experience. And hallucinogenics and cocaine are resonant drugs. They get you out of your body. Now, you're a straight edge. You're a total straight edge.

Now, this has been from you. If people don't know what that means, that's no drinking, no drugs, no nothing. Yeah. Coffee? On rare occasion, but no, not really. that's as strong as it gets yeah and what is the rational rationale for this it's a lot of reasons um the it started out as you know i'm part native and in scottish it's not a good idea to get go down that road alcohol wise my family you know you go that road you keep walking it yeah until it you know it's natural and okay so you've seen a lot of people it yeah until it you know it's natural and okay

so you've seen a lot of people yeah yeah and and not just my direct family but ancestral roots and it was you know it's i always joke it's kind of like the i i don't drink the same reason like a lot of jews don't drive german cars there's a little bit of like it was used as a weapon so fuck you right um the other reason is is i i didn't want the plant to become the fertilizer. And for me, I wanted to find out who I was without added elements or added magnifying glasses from the outside. I wanted it to be – to me, drugs represented sort of like a trampoline that allows you to see the top of the mountain. But if you want to get there, you still have to eventually get off the trampoline and do the work meditatively or focus.

Find yourself. You can see yourself on drugs. I have no question that there are people, especially higher order drugs like pot and mushrooms and those kind of more organic drugs that, you know, I think you can see the essence of who you are and even the essence of the universe through those things. I don't doubt that for a second.

But you've got to come back, and it's not your win necessarily. And I think in your life, your existence deserves the respect of walking there yourself, getting to that space so that you can see it and say, I own this space, as opposed to somebody handed it to me. That's interesting. That's a really interesting way of looking at it. Here's a story. A Buddha, Buddha ran into this monk. This monk was walking to the town and the monk said to Buddha, I've practiced a city of levitation and I can now walk on water.

I've worked on this for the last 40 years. And the Buddha looks at the monks and says, but the ferry's only a nickel. Right. That's an old Terence McKenna joke, by the way. Sure, sure. And it's an old story that he used to tell that's a true story. The idea behind it is you can get there way quicker. I agree.

But in this case, the ferry has rubber bands attached to the end of it that bring you back and and you can't stay yeah but there's an element something from it i think without personal experience without you having the personal experience right it's i have babies and i've done mushrooms and i always tell people unless you've done either one don't talk about them sure because it's the the the experience of mushrooms is so much more alien than you could ever possibly imagine. Okay. And so the idea that you could somehow or another look at it from the outside and say,

well, I think it allows you to see. I'm not looking at it from the outside. No, no, no. I don't view it as an outside. But you've never done it. I know. But you've never not done it now. Yes, I have.

I've lived a huge part of my life without doing it. But not as you now. Yeah, but I didn't do it until I was in my 30s. Okay. But still, there is an element of you are now you plus mushrooms. Right. For the rest of your life. And for the rest of your experiential life.

And the rest of your how you see the world. And I'm not saying that's a plus or a minus insofar as the worth of your life by any stretch. But I have made a choice to be me as me with no plus or minuses. I totally see what you're saying and respect your choice. What I'm saying is you are also you plus vitamins. You are also you plus protein, you plus water. And I think we look at this idea of this drug, especially psychedelic drugs.

We look at the idea as some sort of escape or some sort of forbidden fruit or some sort of thing. I think that's just because they're supposed to be respected. I think if you experience them and understand what they're really about, it's a lot different than it looks like from the outside. and what they're really about, it's a lot different than it looks like from the outside. I can see the nobility in your desire to get there on your own, to use meditation and clear-headed thinking. You've obviously thought a lot. You're a very bright guy, and it's cool to have you on the show.

Why? Thank you. There's a big difference between that and a psychedelic experience. I totally agree. A psychedelic experience is so insanely, infinitely humbling. I would not disagree with you on that fact. How come you're unwilling to allow them to your life? Because I think there is something insanely humbling about seeking the purity of my own essence through no external device other than my own concentration. And that has worth to me that insofar as my life choices and my life directions, which is just as valid as doing it, and I would never dissuade someone to or from the choice to do it or not do it. This has been a direct choice I have made of my life to see who I am through my own brain because ultimately what they is um not alter your brain chemistry but ultimately

release it and i think that release is still available to you without it now uh people may disagree with me on that and they're welcome to but i have if you can get the mushrooms on your own good fucking luck it's kind of conceptually yeah well you haven't you haven't found out who you are yet though right so you're searching for yourself you're searching for to find out who you are you haven't found that yet dude cue up the who right now who are you throw that shit on you want to put some real music on for the young brian cue that shit up show that shit on youtube so that's get something for the youngsters some people want to understand the purity of expression the who what the who are you motherfucker huh yeah How dare you?

Use two hands to type. This is important. I never listen to the who. What? Oh, you sang. I've actually sung with Roger Daltrey. Dude, there was a concert. This is all legend, by the way.

There was a concert that they did. The who's performance was so badass that the Rolling Stones didn't want the video of it released. Because the who blew them off the stage. I know this song. How do you not know this song? Because it was on the radio. You would have to be from another fucking planet if you didn't know this song. Yeah.

There has to be something wrong with you. If you smoke two hits of the stuff that I smoke, and you did, and you hear this. Bro, they didn't have the internet back then, okay? This is during black and white TVs, motherfucker. Yeah. This is the real shit. This is a lot like a studio video. It's awesome.

They just got it right, man. Yeah, it's Dan Madonna. It's who? He looks just like my friend. Pete Townsend once impaled his own hand on his whammy bar doing that big. Really? Yeah, hand flare. The whammy bar got stuck in the up position. Shunk.

Oh, God. Holy shit. Yeah. That must be terrifying for a guitarist. Well, it's his right hand. I mean, he'd manage. But your left hand. I mean, I broke my ring finger on my fretting hand.

It's just one of the scariest things that ever happened to me. Because of my ring finger, it's your bending finger. It's the root of all your chords. Wow. And I made a decision when it happened. Because it has three screws in it now. Whoa. I made a decision that it would make me a better guitar player.

I didn't know how at the time, but I made that decision. I remember Django Reinhardt, who played with two fingers, and Tony Iommi, who doesn't have the tips on his fingers. And I'm like, if those fuckers can find their way to being that important guitar-wise, I can find my way back from this. And I ended up doing all the solos on my first record with this broken finger. old boxing coach joe lake he got his finger bitten off in a street fight so he had his toe removed his second toe not the big one the second toe sure and permanently curved like this so that he could throw a right hook he had a tremendous right hook wow so he so where his

index finger is he has a a toe and it's permanently curved because you know they couldn't just you know have it move like normal they just kind of had to make this meaty hook thing where his finger used to be and he had it permanently like this so he could keep punching my when i when i when i first got the finger fixed they told me it would never bend past there it would always be stuck kind of that as far as it go it would go and i have full articulation in it because i did acupuncture oh that was the trick acupuncture did it, and I have full articulation in it because I did acupuncture, and that was the trick. Acupuncture did it. Yep.

It gave me full flexibility in it. My friend Paul broke his window. He was closing his window, and the window shattered, and his hand went through the glass, and it severed the tendons on the last three fingers of his hand. Jesus. And he went through a bunch of operations, but they couldn't get it right. It just kept – it stayed bent no matter what he did.

So his last three fingers were basically constantly closed. Yeah, my friend Andy had that same thing where his ring, and he's a guitar player too, his pinky on that finger is just constantly like that. And you never notice when you're talking to him, because a lot of times when he's playing, you're like, oh, he's just, that's how he plays or something. It's pretty fascinating the innovation they're making right now

with artificial limbs and artificial skin. Totally, dude. We don't even know. Yeah. It's really exponentially exploding. It's so fascinating. The concept of an artificial body is only like a few decades away. Totally.

It's really, really pretty fucking scary times. I don't know. I think it's – I mean, not scary. Bodies are just – Just exciting, I should say. Yeah. Like, whoa, what the fuck is happening?

Yeah, totally. Well, we can't even picture it, which is kind of amazing. We are literally pre-cell phone humans about, like, bionic technology and stuff. And I'm for it. I'm a big fan of longevity. I'm a big fan of the Harvard Longevity Project's thousand-year lifespan concept. And, you know, like, they're really working. Yeah, but people have to die, okay? Here's the problem with that. The Harvard Longevity Project's 1,000-year lifespan concept. They're really working.

Yeah, but people have to die. Here's the problem with that. Nobody wants to start over from scratch as a baby again, but you might have to. Because the deal is we can't go on forever. There's too fucking many of us. If everybody lives forever and we keep having kids. This is how we get off planet. Because you need a 1,000-year lifespan.

Otherwise, you can't get to the next galaxy. That's awesome. So that's essentially why. What? You what you really believe that that's what's happening yeah that if you're gonna get a spaceship to leave the earth and go to andromeda or the next big star that has livable planets next to it of which they found 47 in the last year um then you're gonna have to have a lifespan at least exceeding 250 years. And the ironic part, and my cousin and I always talk about this, is that if you have a ship that leaves right now, headed to Andromeda with people who can live to be 250 years old, by the time they get halfway there, we'll have doubled the technology and doubled our lifespan to the point where we will actually meet them there.

And the question will always be, do you stop and pick them up, or do you just plan a party when they arrive? That's the nature of how technology goes. They said the first person to live to be 250 is alive right now and probably 15 years old. Well, here's the other issue, though. What if there's another form of space travel that we're just not aware of? I agree. I think this idea of shooting rockets through space is just – I think this is old school, man.

I think it's a sundial. I agree. Well, at that point, age doesn't matter because you're actually referentially in space-time. You're in every place you want. Well, it's still going to matter. Your biological system can only stay alive for a certain amount of cycles. It's going to be an end to it, a certain amount of heartbeats it has on the meter. Sure, but you might be able to generate another one with your own stem cells and move into it.

There's all kinds of – yeah. That's the thing. You might be able to generate countless copies of yourself. Just to say we haven't done that. We've just decided to paint them in other ways. I mean, the concept of a soulmate, what's the difference between that and somebody you share a soul with?

That's a one being with two bodies. You've obviously never been divorced. You don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. There's a huge difference. What does that mean? When that bitch is trying to get your money, they had nothing to do with souls.

You guys aren't connected anymore. Right. Soulmates split up. Well, no. What I'm saying is, all bitterness aside, earned. No doubt. Earned. The concept is kind of like in a fish tank. If you stuck your fingers into a fish tank, to the fish, it sees five different cylinders that are not attached.

But if you keep pushing your hand in, you realize that they're all from the same thing. And so on a three-dimensional world, you could actually have one soul that had several different expressions in this 3D world, and we only experience them as kind of like those cylinders. And once we see past that, then we can see that actually one soul may live. You may be one of 15 different versions of you in this life right now. you may be one of 15 different versions of you in this life right now there may be a a chinese peasant version of you and a rich russian version of you and all these running around learning all your lessons at once because time doesn't really matter and you chose in each time it's like when you play a video game the first time you play one level but then later on you get several games

and you're like you're doing one you're doing call of duty on one thing and you go back to it later but you want to play this new game for a while and eventually you get a higher order sort of thinking with that stuff when you initially started out with just this i think we grow and evolve like that that's some serious speculation though of course it is speculating there's a bunch of yous running around living alternate lives yeah you know i think more likely more likely that the whole concept of all of us the whole concept of you and i and it's just horseshit it's just a trick it's like cubicles it's like you're all we're all working on a little cubicle and eventually there's going to be something something whether it's a technological achievement whether it's another advance in evolution

some new new ability that we're going to detect, we're going to have rather. I would call that graduation. I think this universe, I think we overreact to the earth. I think we're too impressed. And I think earth is like third to fifth grade in the universal growth scape of things. And I think we come here as third graders ultimately and leave as fifth graders. What do you mean by we're impressed by the earth though? What do you mean by that? I mean we're overwhelmed by the experience that we have here as third graders and ultimately and leave as fifth graders but what we think is impressed by the earth though what do you mean by that i mean we're overwhelmed by the experience that we have here and we think it's the be all end all and that this is where all the evolution

will happen for your soul and your spirit that there's not another place beyond this that might be at a higher resonance whether it's another galaxy or another dimension if you want to use earth type terms or you just remove yourself and go i don't that's earth ends up being a movie you watched for several lifetimes that you learned and you were entertained by but it has nothing to do with your actual existence you just gain information from it while you're here but it's not the evolution of humankind once it sort of happens the purpose of this place sort of ends it's like you know you leave college you don't evolve college you don't what you mean by the purpose of this place being civilization, not the Earth itself?

No, no, no. As human beings, I mean, the Earth itself, our expression in the Earth plane as life forms. So you think our future is somewhere else? Do you think it's in another galaxy, another dimension? I mean, I think those are Earth-based terms. We can't even wrap our head around, because we come here, I think, intentionally limiting our

experiential life. Intentionally? Intentionally. We come here, I think, intentionally limiting our experiential life. Intentionally? Intentionally. We come here to limit our, like the same way that when you go see a movie, you don't think about the rest of the world outside the movie. You think about, you commit to sitting in the dark in a theater with your ass in a chair and that's a total limitation of who you are as a human being. You could run and jump and sing and play guitar and fight and do all this shit.

But you say, no, right now what I want to do is experience this. So I'm going to shut all that stuff out. Because if I did it, I'd be a toddler in a fucking movie theater irritating everyone, which is why we kill those people, why Jesus is basically like the one running around going, you can laugh and dance and sing here. And we're like, shut the fuck up. We're trying to watch the movie because I'm here to learn this.

There's an element of, and there's value to those people coming in going, you guys do realize this is just a movie. Okay. So calm down. There's, those guys are helpful, but to a certain point they interrupt the movie. So we tend to go fuck off. Um, but what I'm saying is, is it this earth, this space, this, I mean, it might just be, it might be the entire universe, the entire span of human existence from single-cell life form to when we colonize other planets might be us going through middle school as spirits. And when we graduate from that, it's not that the earth becomes like, oh, we've reached this point. We reach a point and then we pop out and it starts from scratch in a cycle for new spirits to grow into that thing you know each each round and then so we leave and go somewhere else yeah that's the idea or that or if there is you know somewhere is again a spatial concept right so it's not we might go somewhere else frequency we might go somewhere else somewhere else you know but uh

conceptually uh i think what we do is when we get too exaggerated, too caught up in the earth plane existence, we go, the whole human race has to reach a pinnacle belief. It's an Armageddon thought form in a positive or negative sense. We have to evolve to a point. Well, maybe we do as individuals or as an expression of a soul here, and then we just stop that expression and go someplace else because we've learned what this place has to teach us. The same way you enter middle school, you don't change middle school by the time you leave. You just get to eighth grade and go, I don't need middle school anymore. I'm ready for high school. And that doesn't devalue middle school. It's still important. It's gravely important. It's important to your social factor. It's important to the learning that's in between rudimentary and advanced. It's got a point, but it's not the whole point.

And if you go, life begins and ends in middle school, and if we don't get all these sixth graders together, we've got to fucking win this. Right. All the high school students. Would you propose not concentrating on the present? No, no. I think that's what your goal is, and that's how you graduate. The goal is to just live on the present? No, no. I think that's what your goal is, and that's how you graduate.

The goal is to just live in the present. Yeah, and own that self. So not be attached to the idea of the earth, not be attached to the idea of this existence. Yeah. Just kind of go through it. Well, no. I mean, you enjoy it while you're here. You have to – I mean, I'm a believer in seizing it.

This is all speculation, right? Of course it is. Obviously. It's supposed to be. If I knew it, I wouldn't have to i mean i i'm believing seizing it this is all speculation right of course it is obviously it's supposed to be if i knew it i wouldn't have to be here i know but what i was going to say is it's interesting how these same speculative speculative ideas keep coming back and forth from like ancient eastern mysticism you know to the idea of reincarnation to the idea of you know the kali yuga the the ages of ages of the... It's almost like all these different philosophies throughout history have all come upon the same ideas over and over and over again. It's like they get to a certain point

where enough people are thinking, where they put enough shit written down so that enough people can learn from the past shit, and then they pile up to the top of this pyramid of understanding. And they all come to these same sort of conclusions. yeah i think well i think there are two sort of sets there's the the mechanical sets most religious uh sects have sort of an esoteric teaching tradition which is the higher order you're only allowed to know these secrets once you get to a certain point which we all understand it's the gated community of spirituality. You get it.

It's controlled. Well, you do have to do some work, though. Yeah, it is, but the idea behind it is wrong. Whenever you get people in a position of power that are just holding back information. That I agree. But I also think there may be some value in going, your resonant body isn't ready to take this yet, and I'm not just going to hand it over to you.

You've got to earn it. Well, I think, yeah, well, there's something to that. For your own good. Human beings developing discipline and learning how to appreciate intelligence and appreciate what they're learning. Yeah, and I think that's the essence of where it starts. Now, human power grab later, all that being said, I think sort of the esoteric traditions that you'll find in any kind of higher order thinking come from a level of discipline and the idea of discipline, which is okay.

Because eventually you go, why am I here? What am I actually attempting to do here on a cellular or soul level? I think, is maintenance. It's a maintenance sort of a strategy that you can run on your body and keeping your body in a state where it doesn't fuck with you and doesn't give you unnecessary information and stays flat and clean.

Keeps it focused in the present. If you don't understand hard work and you don't understand physical limitations, if you've never pushed your endurance and broken yourself, then you're not going to know how your body responds and how much of what you do in life is mental, how much of what you do in life is about your attitude and maintaining a certain point of focus and a certain way of thinking and a certain resonance of thinking.

All that's developed through discipline. I agree. When you get really good at something, it's really hard. You work hard at it. What is the gym but manufactured adversity? You create an adverse situation that was not there. These heavy things do not need to be lifted off the ground right now. But in the future, I may have to deal with that.

And in the past, I have, and I'm aware of those moments where I was at the edge of my experience, and I need to move beyond that for me to be happy and grow. So I specifically take time to focus in this moment, take potential adversity and past adversity and focus it in this moment and go, I'm going to go to the gym and lift more weight than I've ever lifted before so that if my body is called to do such a thing, I'm able to do it comfortably so that I can focus on the higher order element of it. So that the next time I lift 250 pounds, I'm not going, fuck 250 pounds. I'm lifting 250 pounds and I'm focusing on my breath or I'm focusing on my growth or my strength or the amount of times I can do it as opposed to everything is hard the first time. So we set up these situations where we are intentionally creating an adverse experience.

You don't have to go to the gym and work out. You don't have to eat better. You don't have to do it. You go, all right, I'm going to quell my own – I'm going to discipline my own relaxation reflex because I want to accomplish something. And I think the earth is very similar. I think spirits create manufactured adversity. I think spirits create manufactured adversity. We create this space, which is hard to get through, that has its challenges,

and sometimes we make it through, and sometimes we fail, and we go back again and again until we get past these lessons, and then we become a higher resonant being, and we move to another level of growth that may not be in space-time, for example. Is this something you're attached to? No. So, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm like, are you convinced that this is how're attached to? No. So, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm like, are you convinced that this is how life goes down? Feels right.

Feels right? Yeah. Sometimes to me it feels like the whole thing is really a mathematical equation. Well, math is a language. The entire existence of the universe, everything, that every little thing is happening, of the universe, everything, that every little thing is happening and every little action that happens on Earth, animals eating animals, water, pollution,

farms, emotions, sex, drugs, rock and roll, all of it together, each moment and each thing are a part of a gigantic intangible algorithm and that everything that has ever happened to you and everything that's ever happened to anyone that you'll ever meet that everything that has ever happened to you and everything that's ever happened to anyone that you'll ever meet and anything that's ever happened that's all connected together all of it is all moving the human race towards one direction much like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly and isn't even aware what the fuck it's doing it gets inside

the cocoon sure that everything we're doing is moving us into some new direction everything from the beginning to now is moving us into some i mean if you look at what people are really concentrating on right now the highest levels of science it's the heart of matter oh yeah i mean the large edges of the universe yeah right yeah the edges of the universe the heart of matter the you know the creation of artificial black holes the idea of time travel, the heart of matter, the creation of artificial black holes, the idea of time travel. We're really getting into the meat of things. Sure. But in many ways, early human societies thought they were getting to the meat of things, and it just became a new blossoming level, became a new grade, as it were, in that school.

You know what I mean? Early societies. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. But early societies, if they were constantly searching for new things and constantly trying to innovate and constantly trying to come up with the next new invention, which they always were, they're building towards something. It's this thirst for innovation. At a certain point in time, it doesn't become a matter of what makes your life easier. Innovation becomes a matter of what else can we do? Can we do this? Sure. And it becomes almost like a life of its own. Instead of you creating things to help people, the getting interested and fascinated about these various things. People say, well, that's how everything gets made and how we have all these advances in science and medicine and we can help people. It's all because of science. You can't criticize science. No one's criticizing anything.

I'm absolutely not criticizing it. criticizing anything. I'm absolutely not criticizing it, but I'm just looking at it objectively, like this idea that we're constantly trying to come up with the newest, greatest thing, and this idea where we're trying to constantly get to the heart of everything, the heart of matter, the milliseconds after the Big Bang, like that's not going to stop. That's going to keep going. You know, the interesting thing about that Big Bang theory was that they, I think it was like two weeks ago, they came up with this new postulate that seems to be mathematically sound that the Big Bang was not the beginning of anything

but another wave in a series of similar actions. And that there was no first beginning. That there were many beginnings and it comes in tides. And what we are as human beings, we're plankton who think that every wave is our whole life. Right. And thinking that, oh, this wave began when it crested and dies when it hits the shore. Right. When it's just that same water is reused again and again in an infinite series of waves.

And that those plankton live and die in that period until they evolve past the point where they can either crawl up on shore or go out to sea. And then their experience becomes longer. Now my experience on the shore is waves come and hit me every four, and I have a lifespan where five waves hit me. Or I'm out in the sea and I live five cycles, you know, and then I get more advanced and more advanced where I'm moving inland and i never experience the flow of the sea anymore i have to go back to the sea to recognize there's a cycle at all because i live in land and now it's weather patterns that are months and months long and then

years and then you know as you grow into that span and i think right now we're we're then again again and again and we and it's millennia for us but in terms of what life could be it's that i think our biological need to stay alive our instincts to survive our instincts to think that we are special we are important we do matter because we didn't matter and if you do look at yourself in the great picture of things you know god this is all meaningless this is pointless this is you know this is this is no need for me to even be paying attention here yeah no you know what i'm saying it's um the idea being that you know we are this biological entity that does need to stay alive but we are aware of how ridiculous that all is and all at the same time sure and. And it's a very conflicting existence. Plus, we have this hardware that is basically the same shit we were using when we were throwing sticks at woolly mammoths.

I mean, basically, that was 11,000 years ago. Right. We had the same hardware then as we have now. That's true, but we were using greater and greater percentages of it. What do you mean by that? Brain pan. We still use, you know, we're looking at 6% of the human brain. You're looking at Cro-Magnon man using about three.

Yeah, but is that all right? Because Cro-Magnon man, Neanderthal rather, had a larger brain than we did. Yeah. And he was dumber than we are. Right, but cows have a bigger brain than we do too. Well, they're huge. Proportionally though, they don't. Sure, but intellectually, it's not what you have in the brain pan area.

It's how much of it you use and to what coordination but i don't it's really synaptic firing between different areas that court that make it happen right but that whole you only use six percent of your brain thing i don't think that's potential essentially i don't think that's science i think what that is is a misunderstanding of what the brain does i mean we don't really know we're just sort of guessing like there's there was some fucking post that i put up as a study on uh conservatives there's a certain area of conservative brains that deals with fear that is larger than on their their liberal counterpoints which is fascinating so i put this of course a fucking hundred thousand dudes you are so fucking dumb you don't you're goddamn liberal this is what they've spent this one dude sent me like 15 tweets in a row by the way i'm more of a republican than i am a democrat

i would vote for ron paul in a heartbeat for president i believe in that guy well he is i mean he might not be but he is he's an old school republican you know i'm saying he's a legit conservative okay definitely the fucking guy doesn't even believe in—I mean, he's a creationist. He's a legit conservative. But yet I support him. I support that guy and his ideas more than I do most liberals who want to just throw money at things. I think you look at it from just a natural perspective of evolution. The issue isn't throwing money at things.

Money is just attention yeah money is just and disaffected attention basically um i what we used to do is keep grandma at home and give her our attention in person now there is a way i can give her my attention without having to be there at the time so i can pay for her to be in a home where other people are paid to give her attention, meaning feed her, clothe her, wash her, provide all those things. And that's, money is our way of going, look, I can't give you my genuine emotional attention. I have gathered a pile of attention and I can give you some of it in this way, but I can't do it from here. It's not practical. And I have people in my life that actually deserve that at a higher level, my actual personal attention.

Money is just – it's an intermediary. It has no worth except ideas. Well, I mean it does. I mean it does a lot of things. I know, but it does whatever you want it to do because it's where you put your attention. Right, but what I think – what talking about, though, is taxes. We're talking about Democrats versus Republicans, that they believe that the Democrats want to throw more money at all sorts of— Sure.

Well, where you think your attention needs to go. The real issue is not that. The real issue is not where they throw in the money. The real issue is where are you getting money from? The real issue is who the fuck is financing your campaigns? Who are you really beholden to once you get into office? Are you really acting for the individual? Because you know you're not.

You're not. You're not really. The United Corporations of America is what it is. That's really what it is. One of the corporations. This distraction of tax cuts and this and that. The real issue is if we weren't involved in these gigantic wars

and we just instead spent the same amount of money fixing up the ghettos, Jesus fucking Christ, we could fix everything in this country. We would have no problems. None. We would have zero crime. If you could take the trillions of dollars we spent on this war and just create social programs where you hire people who are like experienced counselors who are really educated

where you hire people who are like experienced counselors who are really educated and pay them a good salary so it's a it's a nice job and help help them with kids that are fatherless and you know develop community after school programs that's not fucking rockets going to afghanistan it's way cheaper than that totally all this can be done all this can be done if you wanted to really fix the world that's the way to do it i totally agree these cunts and their tax cuts you're missing everything that's not what it all is is. Where you put it. You need a totally new way of looking at the whole thing. We need to look at the whole thing as we really are all the same thing. And just because that guy's over there doesn't mean he's not connected to you. Interestingly enough, that's the way the vast majority of the world is going, thought form wise. The ruling elite and

who have been in power for quite some time are dealing with that fact and they're not happy about it. But if you look at even statistical trends in life expectancy and family size, which used to be the big fear that, you know, first world nations, long life, small families, third world nations, short life, big families. This used to be the, and that was the big fear. Here comes the march of the poor people. This is what's going to happen. Statistically over the, since the 1970s, it's, you can even watch the graph. There's a guy on a TED conference who showed, who does an animated graph of, of where it's going. And it used to be exactly that India, China, um, the, the South Southeast Asia in general, Africa, it was all this low lifespan way down here and lots of kids.

And then over here in the West, two kids or less and long lifespans. And everybody is marching this direction. Everybody worldwide, Africa to India to China, everybody's going smaller families, longer lives. And it's unquestionable. It's shocking to look at how fast because as much as the population bloomed, we look at those graphs and go, holy shit, look at all the new people. The shift back the other direction is really impressive. Nature's a motherfucker, dude. Yep.

You know, the complex structure of all the things that's going on behind the scenes it's so fascinating it'll it'll it'll tell you how to be we were talking about um you know about the uh the concept of attack sperm when we did the the show yeah right and blocking sperm they also have the ones that run interference yeah and fighting so there's so much shit going on behind the scenes, and we're just running around living our lives as if we're in control. You are in control of the eyeballs. You've got the steering wheel behind the eyeballs.

All the shit that's going on down there, you literally can move it. You have no idea what the fuck is happening inside. You don't have a clue. Worlds and nations. Your consciousness is probably a mild percentage of your existence, of your actual soul existence, your metaphysical existence, because it couldn't be. You couldn't

have it all here at once, or it would just be overwhelming. You would just blast light out of every cell or something, because everything would be so alive and so full of consciousness at the same time. It's just a trip to think that you contain a bunch of different life forms inside your body, bacterias and right and you need them to stay alive that's just nuts in and of itself you have a whole ecosystems inside your body right it's

like when people get like i want to be commuted i don't be food for maggots and like dude do you realize how many living things are eating your skin cells right now and if they didn't you would suffocate yeah what you're doing is just being a greedy fuck it's like you know you don't want to play you know like you you have to leave so you unplug the atari and you take it with right exactly yeah let it melt into the ground let the bacteria eat it that's what they're here for exactly yeah it's a system it's no we got to wrap it in a steel box half the time those those habits came because we didn't know when people were dead we thought comas and accidents you know know, that stillness was death, so we would bury people who were still alive.

That's where the bells in cemeteries come from. They used to have a bell in a cemetery. Oh, Jesus. It literally was tied to a string to your finger through a tube that went down the ground. And if you were alive in the casket, they'd fucking come out and dig your ass up. Crazy. But the reason we built harder and harder caskets is because we were terrible at telling who was dead.

Oh, my God. They still fuck up. Every now and then there's some internet story of someone who thought some old lady was dead and she pops back up to life and asks for spaghetti.

A ton of fun. Mortality, man. That's the motherfucker. That's what everybody's afraid of. That's what no one wants to talk about. The inevitable end of the trip. Mm-hmm.

Right. that's a motherfucker dude yeah but doesn't it make you know all the rest of it a lot more tasty it does it yes if you can really intellectualize it if you could really wrap your head around it but most of us can't i don't think i can you know i pretend to be able to wrap my head around it but the end really it's when it comes we're all going to be-knuckled and shit in our pants. There's no doubt about it, man. No, I've seen some people go through the transition, as it were, if you want to call it that. And I've seen people die.

It's not always that experience. You always hear that story about Sam Kinnison. Remember when Sam died? He was laying there and he was saying, Why now? Why now? He was looking at somebody was laying there and he was saying, why now? Why now? He was looking at somebody in the distance. And he said, why now? And then he finally went, oh, I see. Okay.

Yeah, well, you know about DMT, right? Sure. The brain releasing it and upon them, theoretically, releasing it at great moments of great stress or at the moment of human death. There's no reason why that would be an evolutionary change. That would be a consciousness choice, but it would not be an evolutionary choice because nobody lives past that point.

Well, the idea is that that's a gateway. That's a chemical gateway into the next stage of life. Sure, right, that it helps you kick the body away and move on. And the thing about the DMT experience is they talk to you. They talk to you a lot. They say all kinds of crazy shit to you. And they say things to you in a talk to you a lot. They say all kinds of crazy shit to you. And they say things to you in a language that you don't

really hear. You just know exactly what the words are. The words appear in front of your face and you know they're saying it. It's very, very trippy. But it's the type of thing that you say, well, if a guy was dying and as he's dying he starts talking, well, that guy's tripping. That's what that is.

Then the question comes up, is it real, or is it just is he on drugs? Is it all just nonsense, and is the idea of, is it just sexy? On a purely biological level, there's no reason for that to exist, because, again, nobody mates after that point, and there's no service to the actual life form to let it go peacefully. If anything, the opposite is true. If a life form at the end of its life, if it was just about biology, what you would do is flip out.

You would be like Pris in Blade Runner. You'd just kind of wiggle and freak out because that's all that matters is get back to life. Biologically, because that's the only way you would live to mate again right and pass on that trait to anyone else but if you have a end of life experience that softens the experience and brings you someplace else that's a chemical expression which by the way is just energy and information that comes from consciousness anyways you create through your you know there's no root to consciousness there's no you can't find it and cut it out of the brain. It doesn't happen. You can cut the expression out of the brain, the ability to express it like movement and speech, but you can't take the thing itself away. You can't look under a petri dish and say this is where thought is.

Well, you know the idea of it being non-local. It's like a Deepak Chopra idea. He's always pimping. The idea of – I shouldn't say pimping. He's a nice guy. always pimping uh the idea of i shouldn't say pimping he's a nice guy uh the idea that you know that consciousness is like something that's out there outside of it and your body is sort of a vessel for it and just holds to cut it loose comfortably because you're you're going from a totally different it's like coming out of surgery where they give you painkillers they would need to

or you would flip out there there's something on the other side going look we got it he's going to be in so much pain coming out of this experience into the new experience of being healed and different. There's got to be a transition between the two. So they give you pain medication when you're coming out of anesthesia? Well, no. At the beginning, like when you're back, a lot of people after they're waking up, they'll get them right on pain medications essentially so that when they're waking up, they're not in horrible pain. Oh, okay. So in essence, that's what the DMT would serve if you were looking at it from a consciousness standpoint is that you're moving from the earth plane to a non-earth plane. Right, or you're just getting fucked up on drugs as a nice little treat.

Here you go. Life's over. Go for a ride. Exactly, but why would you treat yourself? Why not? Your body's got some leftover shit. This dude's dying. Give him a shot. See, but it would do the opposite. Well, a lot of people, when they're dying, they get hard-ons, too.

That's true. There's some sort of a disease where, as guys are dying, goddammit, what is it? There's something where men, as they're dying, regularly get erections right before death. And I don't know what it's dying of. I believe some sort of poison, perhaps.

Fuck me. I hate not knowing this shit. I don't know. I'm not familiar with this. But it happens. And it's almost like your body's like, one last chance. Blow a nut.

Your body knows it's over. Your body's dealing with an overwhelming number of things a nut. Your body knows it's over. Your body's dealing with an overwhelming number of things. Shutting down liver. Shutting down boss. We're losing the central nervous system. Fire up the dick. We're going to go out in a blaze of glory. Your body just fucking.

Every fucking sperm in the balls. Get in the balls, boys. Find somebody. As the moment of death, your dick is hard as a crowbar, just hoping some whore spots it and just dives on it real quick. Right. I bet it's happened. Somewhere along the line, it's probably been an effective strategy.

It might have been part of the sex rights of higher traditions. Look, there's a lot of whores out there. If there's a hard dick in front of them, they'll just hop on it. They can't help themselves. There's a lot of girls that are like that, especially thousands and thousands of years ago, back when they didn't even have written language. Whores would just dive on dicks, so it would be a good thing.

What made them whores then? No, they're not. They're just diving on dicks. They might not even know that guy. They might be nurses. They might be just in the room while he's dying. Whores get paid. What you mean is sluts. And sluts eliminates some... That, as a concept, eliminates the choice on the woman's part, that she's somehow broken and doesn't derive pleasure from it or whatever.

It makes it very male-centric bullshit. By the way, it's a fascinating concept. But in Spain, they force prostitutes to start wearing yellow reflector vests because too many of them are getting hit by cars. Because, you know, they hang out in the streets picking dudes up. That's hilarious because prostitution is legal in Spain

so they force these chicks to wear reflective vests look it for good in a reflector vest and a helmet god damn can you imagine

getting a blowjob from a chick with a reflector vest on what the fuck is wrong with you slow for the cone zone sitting there as the cars drive by

and the lights from their headlights flash off that reflector vest you start wondering about your choices or bad breath blow job stinking up your fucking car and you're like how many loads does she have fermenting in her mouth right now i wonder how many crossing guards get mistaken for hookers out there a lot yeah they better wear some low shoes crossing guards you know they used to try to be all sexy and shit you can't pull that off and your heels are out.

No clear heels for crossing guards. I'm glad we settled all this, which is the good part. Yeah, we fucking locked it all down, dude. It was a lot of confusion when we started this podcast. I think a lot of it has been cleared up. A lot of apprehension. A lot of concern, nervousness. Yeah, man. About, yeah, you know, whether or not we're here for any particular reason.

Yeah, you know, it's an interesting thing to talk about and speculate. But ultimately, the most important thing is the quality of the experience while you're here. Have fun while you're here. I agree. Because it can be fun. That is the one thing that you can control, that here can be fun. If you surround yourself with cool people, if you surround yourself with positive people, you do what you're supposed to be doing in life, find a path that makes you feel happy.

Ultimately, this can be a good goddamn time. Absolutely. That's why we need directions. Someone needs to help people figure out from the get-go. I'll write something up. Write it out, dude. Like the Georgia Stones, those fucking, you ever seen those things? They call it the Georgiaorgia stonehenge but uh the georgia wisdom stones or something like that and it's uh it was in the 1970s somebody

had it constructed in 12 different languages in case of an apocalypse there's these gigantic stone tablets with all these different directions on how to uh live georgia guide stones i believe it is oh nice right pull that shit up. In Georgia? Yeah, in Georgia. The state of Georgia or the country of Georgia? No, no, the state in America. Some guy who is, they don't know if he was, they don't know exactly who he is because apparently. What was it again? It was anonymous.

Georgia Guidestones. That's cool. It's fascinating, man. And it's, you know, keep humanity to under 500 million people worldwide. That's one of the principles. Sure. Which is a good one. Which is what an agoraphobic millionaire who would make a bunch of Guidestones would write.

It's true, but there is a certain amount of resources and a certain amount of people, and when the people go over the resources, it's really not a good idea. I would say get off planet then. Yeah, but that seems way harder than you're saying. That seems like super, super difficult. There's micrometeors out there. There's 900,000 near-Earth objects just between Mars and Jupiter. Right. And any one of them will just fuck you up. Right.

You're out there flying around in a big ship. We used to live at the bases of volcanoes because it was warm. Still do in Hawaii. It's the shit. Insofar as culture, we've come a long way in that regard. There's a lot of shit on this planet that can fucking kill you randomly and we're still outnumbering everything i think it'd be quicker to protect yourself and safer and more likely to protect yourself from

the shit that that can fuck you up here except for the big ones like asteroid impacts except for one of the things you're going to do is you're going to run into life expansion that's going to outweigh the space. And that's like saying, look, the ocean is fucking dangerous. Our boats are little brown things with paddles. There's no fucking way we're getting from Hawaii where there's lots of pineapple and everything is fine as long as we have our little march to the top of the volcano and dump off the useless people every once in a while. Or a minor plague wipes out a decent number of us on a cycle, we don't need to head to the other continents. We don't need to express ourselves and find out what the rest of the earth is like.

We have 98% of this world is unexplored in a lot of ways, especially in the oceans. We have no idea, even here, what's going on. Had we had that island mentality then, we wouldn't be the expressions that we are now. And I think the same thing applies, you know, this island-Earth concept, you know? Why not? Man, I don't know. I just don't know if we're really going to be fucking flying through the galaxy,

landing on new planets, just starting up a new civilization. I mean, think about how much of a variation in temperature we get on this planet just a little bare one between winter and summer and i was in winnipeg and uh doing stand-up up there and uh whenever i'm in canada i always ask people like hey how cold does it get here in the winter and the guy said 50 fucking degrees below zero right 50 yeah like just the idea that that can happen on this planet. On the same planet we're in LA, it's 70. What is it in January?

70. Yeah. What is it in February? 70. Right. It's 70. Go to Hawaii, 80. What is it in March?

80. Right. What's it in July? 80. Sure. Winnipeg, minus 50. Yeah. And people have been living there for centuries.

For centuries. Yeah. I played have been living there for centuries. Yeah, I played in a theater that was like a couple hundred years old. That's what I mean. But, go back to human beings pre-clothing and the winter comes, wipes everybody the fuck out. Well, they never go there. They lived in Africa.

Pre-clothing, nobody really was anywhere else. Well, we spread it out. They would dry and die. They would never get outside of the box we reached the limit of our physical experience what we could actually survive we got in we we made clothing now we have these like reflective astronaut material that people can you know walk around and almost loose like jackets and almost that kind of weather and and be as warm as anybody wearing 16 animal pelts were you know uh 300 years ago.

Did you see that they found a new evidence of the oldest human being? 140,000 years old, I think. No, no, the one in Israel is more than that. I think it's 400,000-year-old Homo sapien. Yeah, the teeth. Yeah, yeah. It's fascinating shit, man. They really don't even know how long we've been around.

The hard part about it is what people don't understand is that it's not easy to make a fossil. Like, things have to go wrong to make a fossil. You have to get caught in a landslide. Totally. Like, most of the time

when you die, things eat you and that's a wrap. There's no bones left. Like, when we find dinosaurs or when we find any fossilized animals, it's because they died

in some unusual way. There's some big thing that sealed them in. Right. I mean, you think about the mass of the earth and all the areas of levels and levels of

layers of dirt and how many things might be under there that we're not even aware of. Exactly. There's probably a bunch of species that we haven't discovered yet. No question. Including, you know, different animals, different hominids. You know, they found that new type of human being recently. They believe there were several different branches of human brains that interbred, but they were totally different species. Yeah.

Well, they have the concept of modern man mating with Neanderthals. And the, and the interesting thing was the male modern humans fucked Neanderthal women. Neanderthal men did not fuck modern women. Wow. Because it was a decision that it was like,

it literally guys will fuck whoever. And the women are like, no fucking way. I'm not going to let that asshole fuck me. And It was like, literally, guys will fuck whoever. And the women are like, no fucking way. I'm not going to let that asshole fuck me. And that was hilarious. Yeah, that was. If you look at the DNA strands, it becomes increasingly clear that it was male modern humans who were fucking Neanderthal chicks. And Neanderthal males weren't fucking women. I wonder if this was anywhere around the same time alcohol was invented.

I wonder if there was somehow another connection. Beer goggles, the original. Could you imagine if that could be proven, that the first guy to fucking Neanderthal was hammered? Hammered, totally. I was watching this fucking ancient... And listening to country western music. Yeah, right?

Just fucking sitting in the back of his pickup truck, cracking paps through ribs, and going, I think I'm going to fuck her. Yeah, right. Like that sitting in the back of his pickup truck, cracking paps through ribbons. I think I'm going to fuck her. Yeah, right. Like that woman who the other day, did you hear about that woman who was like threatening somebody with a knife? Somebody's going to eat my pussy or I'm going to kill somebody. Yes. That whole thing.

Yes, she was threatening. She got arrested. Where was that? I don't know. She had a knife and she was threatening these two guys if one of them didn't eat her. I think it was a Russian lady. I want to say Russian because they're my favorites. Was it here?

Yes. Was it in America? Yes. All right. Let me look that up on Google. I got to take a piss. Do we have a piss break? Jesus.

Hold on. Keep talking amongst yourselves. I'll be right back. Coconut water is good. All right. Where am I going? Right here. Cool.

Hal Sparks. Getting up and going to the bathroom, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Cover. House Sparks getting up and going to the bathroom ladies and gentlemen if somebody's gonna eat my pussy or I'm gonna cut your fucking throat that's what she said her name is Melissa this is a post on the Rogan board my message board from a man named Sharknut

an excellent poster who posts many many quality things and I appreciate him very much and the picture of this woman is fantastic and the name of the thread is someone's going to eat my pussy or I'm going to cut your fucking throat. And it says, meet Melissa Lee Williams,

West Virginia woman, 41 is facing assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct at a West Virginia motor in the October 22nd incident is detailed in an amusing, gross Jackson County Sheriff's Department report excerpted here. According to the investigators, Williams, who lives four doors down from her estranged husband at the 77 motor inn, showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man

to eat my pussy, in quotes. At this point, Williams pictured in the mugshot, by the way, if you haven't seen The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia, this would be much more funny if you've seen that movie. You've seen it, right, Brian? No. Oh my god, I got a copy for you. I got a copy. I got two copies I bought just to hand out

to people who don't have it. Sweet. It's fucking brilliant. Brutal looking. West Virginia, man. Have you seen The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia? Alright, you got one too. I'll give you a copy of it too. I got two looking. West Virginia, man. Have you seen The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia? No. All right, you got one too. I'll give you a copy of it too. I got two copies.

I buy copies just to give people. Yeah? Because it's so goddamn good. Yeah, when Mayhem Miller was here, I gave him a copy. I've given a couple people. Eddie Bravo gave him a copy. It's fucking the greatest documentary of all time. It's just brilliant.

Because it follows these people in West Virginia who are basically savages. Yeah. They might as well be living in Liberia. It's just a West Virginia version of Africa. They're savage. Right. Well, the interesting thing, I've always said that time travel is totally fucking possible if you just drive the right direction.

Because literally, you can drive into New York City and be in the future. Yeah. And then you can drive to West Virginia in the mountains and be 150 years in the future yeah you know and then you can drive to west virginia in the mountains and be 150 years in the fucking past man or in a totally different reality like i've always said the apocalypse is here it just hasn't reached your door yet right there's a lot of spots in the world where it comes and goes in little flare up afghanistan tell me the apocalypse isn't there right tell me it's not there if you're a fucking soldier in afghanistan right now tell me it's not there tell me it's not there if you're in ir soldier in Afghanistan right now. Tell me it's not there.

Tell me it's not there if you're in Iraq. That place hasn't changed in a thousand years. It's still the apocalypse. If you had to live there right now, could you imagine if you were riding a goat through the fucking mountains? Armageddon, apocalypse. There's a difference. Apocalypse is when things shall be revealed. It literally means a vision.

Really? I thought it was like the end. No. So Armageddon's the end and apocalypse... Armageddon comes from the word harmageddon, which is a mountain in Israel where the Israeli soldiers will stage the final battle to take back the mosque that's there and rebuild the Temple of the Mount. Hell sparks, drop of knowledge, bitches.

You didn't know about all this. I had no idea. I always equated Armageddon and Apocalypse to be basically the same thing. Just this nonsensical idea that it's all going to end. One's the happy, one's the dark. But they're not. Which one's the dark? Armageddon.

Armageddon is the battle. That's the battle. The Apocalypse is when, is after the four horsemen ride and God reveals himself. Four horsemen. Did you know that unicorns are in the Bible? Really? King James Bible. Unicorns. Wow. Somebody put that on the Rogan board today, too unicorns are in the Bible? Really? King James Bible. Unicorns.

Wow. Somebody put that on the Rogan board today, too. Yeah? What the fuck, man? Yeah, for real. Well, that's not weird. What? Compared to the rest of the weird shit that's in there?

I agree. But whenever there's new weird shit, it's so contrast to regular reality. Dude, giants fucking women. You know, the Nephilim. Seriously, angel wars, Angel Wars. Like, Angel Wars, I mean. That's what I was talking about, that stupid show that I watch all the time, Ancient Aliens. Oh, yeah. Dude, totally.

Where they're always proposing all these nutty concepts. It's all from Zachariah Sitchin's work. A lot of it, yeah. 12th Planet and all that stuff. Yeah, that's all fascinating stuff. What is it, a 2,500 year elliptical orbit of a planet that comes back into range? Actually, it's 3,000. 3,500 years.

And it's close. It's within flying distance right now. The idea is ridiculous. The idea that they wouldn't have spotted it. If something's going to be here in 2012, believe me, folks, the fucking thing is going to be giant in the sky and headed our way a billion miles an hour. Not happening.

Something bigger than Earth. Are you kidding me? That close? But look, we know for sure that planets collide. We know galaxies collide. We know that there was two models of the Earth. There's Earth 1 and Earth 2. And Earth 1 didn't have a moon,

and we got hit by something. And it knocked them. Something planet-sized. Right. You know, and this chunk of us spun in the sky and became the moon. Ocean. Yeah. The ocean actually is the gap where it used to be.

That's why it's so gigantic. Have you ever heard the hollow moon theory? Have you seen that shit? Yeah, the moon rings when they land things on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's one of the other reasons why they rang it like a bell, why they bombed the surface for water,

was that, you know, I guess to make the aliens go, Stop it! Artificial. That's hilarious. Could you imagine if it was? You know, if we found out that it was a goddamn satellite that they put there and just cover it with dirt. They're stupid.

They won't know. Just watch us. Totally. We're a fucking ant farm. Why not? We're the biggest reality show ever. Totally. That's what we are.

We're the universe's reality show. Fucking every day. We're the Kardashians of the universe. It's so embarrassing. Sit down in lounges and drink cappuccinos and laugh their dicks off at us dancing around on television. Have you seen Family Jewels, the Kiss?

Gene Simmons. I love Gene Simmons, and Gene Simmons came to my show, so I will not say anything bad about him. I've been a Kiss fan since I was five years old. Me too, man. Now, this show is obviously fake, and they don't really try to hide it.

It's Father Knows Best, but with cheaper production value. Yeah, isn't that buggy? That's like one of those weird in-between kind of shows that I keep on thinking that's supposed to be sold as real. No, because what's real is personality.

What I'm really seeing is personality. I don't give a shit if the circumstance is real or not. And most times the circumstance is too fucking boring

to watch. So setting something up, ultimately, what's the difference between that and taking a comedian who you watch on stage who's very funny

either off the cuff or in written material and going, let's create a fake family for him based on the characters he created and watch him react to things that are already set up. It's even more embarrassing when you write a script for it because there's no variable at all. I guess it's tricking yourself into reminding yourself to take it like that, I guess. When I watch it, it boggles my mind. I need to trick myself.

I don't like those shows. I find them boring I watched Married to Rock the other day I watched Celebrity Rehab Which is fascinating to me Because no one's famous I mean Eric Roberts is the most famous one Nobody gets rehabbed

Everybody ends up fucked up again Maybe they help him a little bit I'm not a total anti-Dr. Drew guy A lot of people say what he does is unethical That you're not supposed to take people And put them in the public eye Maybe help him a little bit. I'm not a total anti-Dr. Drew guy. A lot of people say what he does is unethical, that you're not supposed to take people and put them in the public eye and make them a part of a reality show where they're going through such a serious situation like that. That's their choice. Yeah, I understand that. But what people are saying is it's unethical because the pressure of the cameras and the weirdness of the whole experience is not a – Heightens it in the wrong direction.

Yeah, in the wrong direction. Exactly. I totally agree i totally agree and i'm not a fan and i'm uh of drew no and i for a long time i was like he's he's a bigger drug pusher than a lot of the people that he does because on love line on and on and on it was just what meds are you on have you checked your dosage you need to get medicated you need to get and it was just pharmaceuticals and somehow that makes it okay um with a lot of the pharmaceutical drugs been tested on fewer humans than illicit drugs with less positive effects so i mean like i said i don't do either i don't do pharmaceutical drugs either um well i think what he's trying to do when he's trying to get people on drugs is he figures by the time they're calling his show

they're like on the edge of suicide and And he's trying to prevent them from dying. So what he's trying to do is get them happy for a bit and then hopefully they can work it out. Maybe, but I think a lot of them just sounded grumpy or wanted to call in and exaggerate their problems in front of everybody. And then his end result is, let's keep this person medicated or whatever, where it's part of the ADHD revolution and medicating creativity out of people and going everything that's different about you. Instead of exploring it, you should hide from it and cover it up.

There's a big movement in that direction, and I'm not a fan. And I think it hides behind that to some degree. Yeah, I know what you're talking about, but I've also had friends that have had some severe depression and were suicidal and then got on some stuff like Zoloft or what have you. Well, Buterin, one dude, got on, and it turned his life around because he all of a sudden got happier, and he moved his life in a more happy direction, and he got more positive about what he wanted to do with his life

and his relationship. And I've known people who got on it and it caught it. Okay, I understand. And then he weaned himself off, and now he's a very happy guy, very stable, and he was stuck in a bad cycle, and that does happen to some people. I agree. And it can be effective in getting you out of a bad cycle. I totally agree.

I think there are people who drink their way through a problem too and come out the other side arguably with the same result, but nobody would ever cop to the fact that it was whiskey that got them through. But there's tons of country songs about that. I think it's about – that's about the strength. But alcohol is a depressant. But that's the strength of the human spirit i think i think a lot of ways he found his way through it other people though take those exact same drugs and it cranks up the suicidal reflex that they never had and they end up killing themselves and i think you know well it's

definitely touch and go i mean you really i mean that's one of the reasons why they go like i have a friend who's on some stuff right now and he was on some one thing that didn't work, and then they put him on some other stuff. I'm telling you, man, he's a lot nicer now that he's on it. I like him. I like him better now that he's on it. And he's happier now that he's on it. He had some sort of legitimate issue. There's just some stuff that I have problems with, and one is that he doesn't exercise and he doesn't eat healthy.

And if he did those things first, it probably would take care of a lot of it. For me, dude, I cannot go without exercising. Right. Me neither. I have real problems. I am not the same person. My trigger is way quicker. I get upset about things that are nonsensical.

There's no reason for me to let them even into my head, and I'll get into a murderous rage about them. It's just chimpanzee instincts that need to get out. With this old hardware, you've got to work this shit because it builds up all these hormones, and it builds up all this fight-or-flight shit is all inside. Yeah, you have to express it somehow. Our bodies are designed for 30 years of fucking with woolly mammoths.

We have to really wrap our heads around that. Instead, we're sitting at laptops and telling, fuck you to your ex-wife on Facebook. Right, not a real expression of it and it bottles it up even more as a matter of fact you express the you create those hormones without the genuine expression of how to get them out you know i do forms every day i do you know some form of martial arts every single day i do yoga when i get up in the morning do you really every day yeah and i and for me it's that same mentality i always say i'm gonna do that Then I wind up jerking off and go back to sleep. Don't you do kung fu or something?

I get up and take my yoga class, and I just beat off and take a nap. Well, that's another way of unifying your soul with your body. What yoga means, that's what the word means. I agree with you that all martial arts are really sort of, it's like I describe Taekwondo as a moving meditation. So when you're totally into it, when it's over, it's like all the i described taekwondo as a moving meditation so when you're totally into it when it's over it's like all the aggression has been drained out of you and you're at peace and you're so friendly and happy you know and from the tips of your fingers to your

toes your brain is connected to all those parts evenly as opposed to you know like most of us walk around with a dead left arm most of us walk around with a dead right foot because you're sitting around and you're not your attention's going to where you need it i use my right hand a lot i use it and if you looked at it just objectively if you ever just looked at the arm you don't use that often you'd think it was dead or palsied because you your attention is so gone in his arms right now yeah that's what i mean what's fascinating to me when i get guys that are brand new that come into martial arts class you know when they come to jujitsu and you see them trying to move their body. Yeah.

They've never really had to move their body in any strange way. And here they are, 30, looking for some new hobby to exercise with. So they take a jujitsu class and they're going through it like they're like robots, man. Yeah. It's like they can't do it. It's weird. The signal does not get to their feet the same way. It's so strange.

And isn't it just as amazing watching them get to the point where they can yeah it doesn't take as long as you think but it is it's you're like oh your brain is now attached to that part of your body in a way it never was every like half of you was on autopilot for most of your life i've seen dudes go from being that's one of the beautiful things about jiu-jitsu is that a lot of the people that practice jiu-jitsu are very smart people think of jiu-jitsu and they think of wrestling and think of like really strong burly meathead type men but most of the guys who do jujitsu are like they're like computer nerds they're like really smart people who figured out what a crazy thing this is that it's all really about leverage and position and technique and all you just yeah it's like you understand the variables of the human body and the human body is moving in a certain direction.

You counter that movement and apply your own pressure. And, I mean, it's really like this incredibly complex game of how to submit a body, how to stop a body. And people don't understand how much intelligence is behind something like that. Everyone would benefit. Every single person out there would benefit from some sort of a martial i agree i agree i think first of all i think tai chi should be taught in schools like either yang style or something as a way of centering yourself before classes begin i'm a big fan of the chinese uh do that in business and in schools because your brain

your body are not fidgeting separately they're in line what do they do in school do they like have a tai chi half hour or something? They kind of do a morning calisthenics thing, but it's largely Tai Chi movements. That would be such a good move for schools. If schools had some happy moment where everybody met in an auditorium, and the first thing

everybody did was say they were thankful to be there, and then go through some fucking thing. Totally. That's basically what they do in China, which is why they're eating our lunch. Also because they're willing to work for rice. They're willing to work and live in fucking dorms. Was that a place that everyone's

jumping off the roof, Brian? Foxconn? Yeah, Foxconn. Apparently, though, the percentage of people that commit suicide in that place is smaller relatively to the percentage of people that commit suicide overall. It's just that this corporation is so huge. It's got a half a million workers. Yeah.

Wrap your head around that, bro. Right. Wrap your head around a half a million people showing up for work. How do you govern 1.2 billion people in one place? God damn. You have to cut off the internet. That's what you have to do. Right.

Cut off the internet. Right. Then you start looking at their decisions going, I'm kind of with you. Cut off the internet and make them scared of fire gods. You know, you got to tell them. Well, nobody's scared of fire gods over there. It's fucking aliens. They're flying around.

They're in a group. I spent a decent amount of time in China and in Taiwan. Really? Because I speak Chinese. How'd you learn Chinese? My Kung Fu instructor is from Beijing, and he's older. So out of respect for him, I started learning a little bit. What kind of Chinese? Mandarin.

Do you write it? Yeah, a decent amount. I'm like a six-year-old kid. I can talk really well. Say something really cool in Chinese. Like say you are listening to the Joe Rogan Experience with Joe Rogan and Brian Redband. Will you say that in Chinese? Yeah, Nishinzai Tingde, Joe Rogan Experience

Gun... I guess with Joe Rogan experience. I guess with Joe Rogan gun Brian. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I mean, it's... We have a new commercial, Brian. Yeah, totally.

Yeah. I'm looking forward to it. How long did it take to learn Chinese? How many books did you learn? I... Well, I mean, I'm constantly evolving

and learning more, but about two years before I was able to hold down a conversation. Did you go Rosetta Stone or did you take classes? No, books and CDs mostly. Does Rosetta Stone work? It's great. The new one is awesome.

I bought Rosetta Stone when I first started learning it, and it was the original American governmental system. That's where Rosetta Stone comes from. It's the old governmental ambassadorship program they started developing. What do you mean that's where it comes from that's that's the the origin of the program yeah it's kind of like a department of defense kind of thing where we get technology from there so they just figured out the best way to teach a language yeah quickly to ambassadorships and to and for businessmen and it was all aimed at that and so all like every early chinese book like when i was first starting to learn chinese the late 90s, all of them were, I work for the American Silk Company. I am trying to buy this.

Where is the restaurant? What time do you get off work? Would you like to come back to my hotel room? All of it is trying to fuck the locals or fuck the locals. Wow, that's funny. It's true. And now it's much better. Now it's smoothed out.

People are learning because they want to learn. And most people think Chinese is hard because they have to learn it for business. I'm getting transferred over there. So fuck, this is awful. But if you love anything, it comes that much quicker. So yeah. So for you, it's just fascinating. Yeah.

Did you ever do stand-up in Chinese? I can. The goal is I'm working on doing a special there. Holy shit. Later this year. Later in August. Chinese stand-up special. First of all, they're going to kill you.

You're going to die. They're going to shoot you. They're going to run over you with a tank. Right? No? That's what I hear. They like me. But I hear the government probably would, you know.

No, I mean, I don't. You better not talk about some controversial shit. I guess. In Chinese stand-up, you better keep it clean, son. It's interesting. Have you been there? Have you been to China? No, never been to China. Never been to any Asian country. Really? No. Wow. a Chinese stand-up. You better keep it clean, son. It's interesting. Have you been there? Have you been to China? No, never been to China.

Never been to any Asian country. Really? No. Wow. I know I need to. I wanted to go to Tokyo this year for the K-1 Grand Prix, but I had been traveling too much. Sure. I couldn't do it.

Go to Taiwan. It's a great— I think I was working the same weekend. Taiwan is like the Amsterdam of China. Really? They're a very open society. It's very Chinese culturally, uh they're very open society it's very chinese and culturally but they're uh but they're a demo their democracy and like um their rules are as loose as are

they're actually more open than the united states really um but it's a it's and they're technologically super advanced they're you know taiwan yeah they've bullet trains and wi-fi cities and shit like that taiwan has a lot they play pool i have a an addiction to pool do you and yeah bad and uh in taiwan pool is huge it's like a you know a national sport yeah i guess so i mean they pay people to play for the the taiwanese national team it's a beautiful place i've been there a bunch of times and i'm a huge fan um but that it's a good precursor to going to china when you go there people aren't as under the veil as they act and and that the communist regime in china is

holding on like white knuckle to this bull of uh capitalism of well of just freedom freedom of all sorts like they can't wrap their head around all they're doing and they're doing it pretty well is just trying to keep everybody from fracturing and exploding. Aren't they still locking people up, locking dissidents up? Yeah, but a lot of the dissidents they do, like the Falun Dafa and that kind of stuff, half of us here would go, I kind of see what you're – What, is the guy douchey? They're locking up douchey guys? Sometimes they're –

You're about that guy in Iran? Their dissident is our Unabomber to some degree. they're locking up douchey guys sometimes they're you know you're about the guy in iran their their dissident is our unabomber to some degree some guy writes a bunch of papers and blows some places up and we lock them up and you know that kind of idea like we don't know the connection to their society now i'm not saying they're not i'm not letting them off the hook at all they totally do act in a horribly authoritative way but you get it once you spend time over there why and then the you know and you've got what do you get you get it once you spend time over there. Why?

And then, you know, and you've got... What do you get? You get that they just have to because there's too many people? Yeah, on occasion. They're just... When you get to a certain amount of people, you can't really govern that many people. No, exactly. That's what I mean. When there's 1.2 billion people in your country, you kind of get it.

Tribes are supposed to be like 50,000 at the max. You can only... I think you can only maintain 14,000 in your consciousness of human beings over the course of your lifetime. 14,000, well, I know you can only

keep 150 names. Yeah. There's a thing called Dunbar's number, it's 150. Yeah, although there are people who have a higher number

than others, that's an averaging. We have shit hard drives, bro. We have bullshit iPhone 1s. Some people have bigger and better ones,

and interestingly enough, and you deal with this, yes? What were you going to say? Oh, I was just going to say, yeah, like, speak and spell, or what Simon says, remember? enough, and you deal with this. What were you going to say? Oh, I was just going to say, yeah, like, speak in spell,

or what Simon says, remember? Like, if you do it, like, you have this one number, and every time it hits that number, it just turns off for me, at least. You can't go past it.

Yeah, you can't go past that number. No hard drive space. Interestingly enough, like, people, I think it was Jack Nicholson who said, he was reading on statistics,

and he was saying that the average human being in modern society, in Western society, meets, over the course of their whole life, 9,000 people, from deep connections to, how are you? Oh, hi, I'm Tim. End of conversation. To waving at a bus guy. 9,000 people your whole life.

The average, even moderate society, like a TV weatherman, can meet up to 16,000 people a year. If you're a national celebrity of any level, you can meet 36,000 people a year, and half of those people you actually connect with. You spend legit time with them, and you know this. You stand after a show, if you do meet and greets or if you meet fans beforehand or whatever, you're having more of a conversation with them sometimes in that 30 seconds to two minutes than they've had with anybody in their circle in a while. It's like that guy in jujitsu class who hasn't used his feet in a long time.

They haven't used their conversational skills with a stranger and expressed themselves in any deep way to somebody that they're impressed by in ever. And so you actually have a deeper connection with and spend more time with and are connected to more human beings than anybody in the history of the planet has ever had. Like from Mayan priests to pharaohs, they never came in contact with as many people and had direct contact with them.

You're freaking me out, man. Than you do. Yeah, I've always wondered that because I've run into so many people that i can't remember and it's so unfortunate it's so frustrating and it's not that i i want and it's not in person not like man i'm just more important than you bro i can't remember it's like i don't have the room there's no room in my brain i don't have any room yeah and i can't maintain where you are at all times like a tracking device in my in my and eventually you'll come back if you hang out for a second. Yeah.

You'll come back. We'll be there. Yeah. And is it your name that's important or that we connect? A lot of people, it's their name. You don't even know my name, bro. You don't even know my name. Eddie Bravo got in a thing with this dude recently with a guy who's an MMA guy that he's been around forever, and he just didn't remember the dude's name.

And the guy was like, you don't even know my fucking name, bro. He's like, dude, I know you. I know you. I know you. Right. Okay? You know what I mean? People I meet, I don't know your name.

Right. But I know you. Is that okay? The other thing is, from the minute we met, I never knew your name. Your name never came up. You never came up and said, hey, my name's Brian Johnson. No, this dude, he did know his name. Oh, yeah?

I just forgot. There's fucking too many people. A lot of people do that, though. They'll know your name because they know your name right so in like part of their brain says oh i don't have to introduce myself we know each other there's it it's not something they're used to experiencing right right right yeah meeting meeting people after shows is it different from music than it is for comedy totally yeah what's Pussy. Oh, what you trying to say, Brian? Yes, there's a difference. More girls like singers than comedians.

That's not true. More girls want to date comedians. They want to fuck singers, but they like them both the same. We serve a different purpose. Girls after comedy shows want to be your boyfriend. Brian is writing material as we speak. Girls after rock shows want to blow you in a broom closet. Really? They want to blow you in a broom closet. Really?

They want to blow you in a broom closet after rock shows? Chicks like to do slutty shit after rock shows. Is that what it

Well, just because it's a different expression. It's a different vibe that's coming off. It's just that you were so special up

there alone with that spotlight on you that she wants that special thing in her mouth. That dirty bitch. She wants to be special by making

you excited. Why is she a It's a good thing. Being a dirty bitch is a good thing. I know, but that's what I mean. Girls like it when you call them dirty bitch she wants to be special why is she a dirty bitch because she wants a good thing being a dirty bitch is a good thing i know but that's what i mean like it's girls like it when you call them dirty bitch as long as you meet him with love as long as you're like i don't roll that way you dirty bitch i yeah really you're hanging out with the wrong chicks man trust me the ones who can appreciate a good you dirty bitch those are the fun ones as long as it's not with negative it's not no hate in your heart right brian yes see yeah

yeah how's the uh talking dirty coming along oh you're working on that yeah i've been working on that lately how's that coming along yeah you know i've just been louder with the grunts and sounds but i'm gonna start this is yeah so it's not is it did you at least put a little bass in it yeah you were describing before that it was kind of what are you a Japanese manga character? Is that how you sound? What's your cum noise? Is there a drop-off or is there an anger at the end of it?

Well, lately I've been modifying it, so I'll let you hear it when I'm done with it. Nice. I just yelled, ta-da! Ta-da! That's not true. I whisper it. Nice. I just yelled, ta-da! Ta-da! That's not true. I whispered. Release the hounds! Right, right.

Release the kraken. Yeah, what's the best thing you've ever said while you busted a knot? Mistake! Right. What the fuck's wrong with you? I take it back! Shit! Shit!

Shit! Especially when it comes inside them. It's such an amazing difference the complete different level of consciousness between right before you come and right after you come right before you come you're looking at life through a goddamn toilet paper roll yeah like you see almost nothing you have the most massive blinders on and then boom that's gone right after you come and then you're dealing with her breath and her personality and where am i and what am i doing and how drunk did i get and oh fucking this is so stupid why is she crying why am i crying really whose blood is this why am i wearing this lipstick? This is your way of talking to me in the drink. These shoes don't fit. Where's my car?

Right. Yeah, see it. Listen, man, if you have an experience, don't knock it, bro. These are learning experiences. If you've never had terrible fucking disastrous sexual mishaps in your young life. Of course. But not alcohol-induced. You've never hit the same level.

No. Well, I've been completely responsible for it. Well, completely responsible. I have no excuses. And you remember it. Yeah, yeah. That's the problem. Alcohol's the same level. No. Well, I've been completely responsible for it. Well, completely responsible. I have no excuses. And you remember it. Yeah, yeah. That's the problem. Alcohol is the worst drug.

The alcohol and sex together, just like Jesus Christ. What? I love alcohol and sex together. I know, but I'm saying it's great when you know the person. Yeah. But what I'm saying is the idea of the pursuit of alcohol, going out and getting drunk, and the pursuit of sex at the same time, getting to know people. You don't know anybody when you're drunk. You don't know them.

They don't know you. Who the fuck is anybody? What's that? Get in there. Right. What? Am I done? And the amazing thing is it's that you can make a person that way.

There's a reason why your dick is supposed to be soft when you're drunk, when you can't get it up because you're drunk. It's because every fucking cell in your body. That law does not work on me. When I'm drunk, I am harder than I've ever been in my life. It's like opposite for that. Every time somebody says that, I'm like, what? That's not a real thing. You know why?

Because you have retard genes. And your retard genes, they want to be... They want to propagate in the worst situation possible. Like, how drunk is he? He's really drunk! How big of a mistake is he making? A really big mistake! Okay, I want every sperm in the hatch! We're going in!

Look at her, she's awful! This kid will be dumb and ugly. Yeah, she stinks, her feet stink. They're in an alley. This shouldn't even be This kid will be dumb and ugly Yeah she stinks Her feet stink That's fucking hilarious Her feet stink They're in an alley This shouldn't even be happening Let him think he's got the condom on

Let him think he put it on You put the condom on You put the condom on Person Blump Take care of me Teach me everything You're here to make robots

You're here to make garbage men So you're here for a pro? You're here to make garbage men. So you're here for a pro? That's hilarious. That's sweet. That's probably right. That's probably real. That's the spirit.

That's right. My body does not want me producing loads when I'm drunk. If I'm drunk, my dick does not want to work. And I listen to it, man. It's not even who you choose. Your dick knows you're not thinking straight. Right, that's what I mean. What are you doing, stupid? Where are you?

Do you even know where you are? You know? Alcohol, especially when you're like 20, 20, 21. Like, oh my God. Do you have one of these like in a glass case?

Break, yeah. Yeah. Well, I always. Piece of drunk break glass. Always tell people, and we used to talk about this amongst my friends when I was a kid. We used to give each other advice.

Like always say, you know, you going out tonight? You got to jerk off before you leave the house. Always. We'd have that rule. Me and my friend Jimmy D'Atelier, we would always talk about it. Did you jerk off? What are you doing going out? Don't go out unless you're jerking off.

I learned that from something about Mary. Right. That rule. Did they have that in something about Mary? Really? What did they say? Same thing. He doesn't.

That's where that hair bit comes from. Oh, that's right. He doesn't know where the cum went. And she thinks it's hair goo. That was a great movie. It's such an important thing. And some guys will talk about it. And it's a big thing when you're growing up. What kind of friends do you have?

Do you have the kind of friends that you can talk about jerking off in front of? Or do you not have the kind of friends that you can talk about jerking off in front of? It's very important that you find the right friends. Because you can have this weird, annoying life front of? It's very important that you find the right friends. Right. Because you can have this weird, annoying life where you don't really discuss important, weird, you know, embarrassing shit with each other. Right. Or you can have the friend that calls you up, dude, I just shit my pants again. I can't even believe someone fart in my car and I shit my pants.

If you're around with friends that don't always have to be the hero, they're not always the coolest guy in the room. They're not, I told him to fuck off and then then he fucking left, and I know that's right, pussy. If you have the friends that will talk about the embarrassing shit and be honest and real with you, then you're going to have a fun life. Totally. Then you're going to have a good time together. That's where you're laughing until you're crying. Yeah. Like a tape.

You're like, I can't fucking breathe. Right. Dude, some of my funnest moments ever have been talking to a friend after he did something stupid as fuck. Right. And they're calling you up.

I'm an idiot. Oh my God, I'm dumb. And the good part is you have friends who are saying the exact same thing. Yeah,

everybody does. you know, that's, it's a big part of life, man. You got, if you, there's no sense in,

like there was a story about this kid that went to Iraq, comes back, looks for a hooker, picks up a hooker, Santa Monica Boulevard, gets a blowjob from a hooker, finds out the hooker's a dude, kills him, dumps the body out of his car. The cops see him dump the body. High-speed chase into the desert, jumps out of his car with a gun, suicide by cop. They kill him. And I'm'm like all because

this dude didn't want to admit that a dude blew him right he would have had one of the best stories ever right you're at parties and you're drinking mike tell us about that fucking dude who blew you yeah okay give me another beer yeah totally everybody sit down all right this is how horny i was totally and you know it'd be halfway in the story and i was kind of like god is this a dude right yeah fuck i don't care should i come yeah i'm like i shouldn't come too late fuck right and then i realized it was a dude i mean come on man it would be a fantastic story dude they're they here's the thing that guy died over something that when you go to buket thailand, they print T-shirts that have a soldier making out with a chick going. And he's looking down and she's looking down.

And over his head, there's an air like a thought bubble. It says, oh, and he's got a huge boner. And so does she. And that's the joke. It's so consistent. They print T-shirts about it and what happens in thailand to do just get drunk and say fuck it i'll let this guy blow me yeah the toys there which are the lady boys who look so much like women that you don't see it coming no

pun intended that uh they that it just becomes these guys get drunk and then they just pounce on you because the real women work in the in the and guys go in, and you go, I want number 52. And you pay to take her out of the bar, and you take her someplace and fuck her. God damn. How many – what percentage of women are prostitutes in Thailand? I don't know. I don't know that it's that much bigger than any other country. I just think they're –

Really? There's just a section. They're from there. Yeah. They were never conquered by the British or the French. So they don't have the same sexual mores that we have. So they're not as hung up about it in that regard. So it's not, you know, there's definitely a dark side to it, no question.

But it's different than we experience it over here. Like with our sex trade and our kind of bottom feeder mentality with it. But the interesting thing is that the ones that you that are in the bars you see a hot chick in a bar uh just hanging out on in these like outdoor kind of you know jimmy buffety looking bars where people are buying margaritas getting fucked up watching kickboxing these are all girl these girls are all dudes really yeah and and guys pick them up and they're beautiful everything That's too confusing. Everything else sounds awesome about Thailand.

Right. I'm like, margaritas, kickboxing outside, great weather. Dude, it's awesome. I need to go. Yeah. Guys. It's pretty awesome. Guys blowing you? Hmm.

Well, I mean, as long as you keep your wits about you, or you have a buddy who keeps his wits about him, you'll be fine. What parts of Thailand have you been to? Bangkok and Phuket. I wanted to go to Phuket. There's a place that you can train at, Tiger Muay Thai. Yeah, yeah. And apparently there's a nice resort that's really close by.

I thought about going there for a few days. It's great. What is Phuket like? It reminds me of Hawaii. It's like a Hawaii beach community. So it's like very modern, very touristy. Yeah, that section of it. Is it safe for kids and shit?

Would you bring little kids over there yes in the in your that resort where you're going to stay that's i'm pretty sure it's the same place i stayed that um yeah it's it's this total like community it's really cool um yeah there's no worries i wouldn't take them to cambodia but they'd get eaten right no it's just that they eat kids in cambodia no they do not it But in between, just for the record... Are you sure? You can't speak for all Cambodians, man. You know how you look on a map and you see a border?

And it looks really fucking clean. You go, okay, this is where this country ends. This is where this country begins. You get to the edge of Thailand and Cambodia. That's not the case. It's blurry. It's very blurry for like 15 miles. So Cambodia's dangerous?

No, Cambodia's nice. Thailand's nice. In between the two of them... The gray area. No, Cambodia's nice. Thailand's nice. In between the two of them... The gray area. Yeah, there are these cities... Border town. Yeah, have no law governing them either way. Wow.

And they're really fucked up. And if you walk through there with a backpack on, you can fucking feel it, man. It's like a Tarantino movie waiting to happen. You're just like, this is fucked up. And hikers go through there all the time. It's like American Werewolf in London. Just stay on the path and keep walking.

You'll be in Cambodia. Stay off the moors. Yeah, don't go into the saloons. Don't do any of that shit. Just stay on the fucking road. God damn, that's scary. Fuck that. I wrote about that once.

I had an idea that I wrote about a gray area in between states. That it would be like a Las Vegas extreme in every state. Because our states are all governed by their own separate rules yeah you know remember in utah it used to be that you had to buy alcohol in one section and mixers in another section you had to show your id when you bought them and it was even in bars it was like really tricky but you go to vegas you could buy you know jack daniels shots at seven o'clock in the morning yeah out of a slurping dispenser on the street they don't give a fuck So almost like an extreme version of that in between every state

where there was a mile-long area where it was a gray area where you're governed by very simple laws like no murder, no theft, but everything else, do whatever the fuck you gotta do. Does Stanhope live in one of those towns? Well, he sort of does,

but he lives in a kind of a boring place, man. He lives in Bisbee. He always complains that it's like he always complains that it's like an artist community but no one can no one's got a fucking sense of humor you know and stanhope is a savage drunk yes a psychopath so right you know i'm sure he's laughing about a bunch of shit that these don't bead wearing douchebag hippies are just staring out like but i think yeah but i think near him like south of him that's where it starts to get a little are we in the States still?

Yes. Oh, he's seven miles away from the Mexican border, bro. Yeah, that dude who got his head cut off. He and his girlfriend went out into the river or whatever, or out into the lake, and they crossed the part of the lake that's Mexico, and they fucking got attacked, and they cut his head off and mailed it back to them or whatever. Like, fuck, man. Yeah, it's scary shit. We're better with borders than almost anybody in the world.

We fucking know, man. We have a real issue. And the issue is not Afghanistan. It's not Iraq. The issue is we are connected to a third world country in the middle of one of the biggest drug wars this world has ever known. People don't even realize how big the fucking situation is. It's fucked up. It's crazy.

The amount of people that have died just this year, I mean, it's crazy yeah the amount of people that have died just this year i mean it's staggering yeah tens of thousands of people are dying every year growth industry in mexico is kidnapping yeah it's really scary stuff man and it's right there you know it's one of the reasons why i didn't want to move to san diego college courses well those little kids that are getting caught that are you know on cell phones they have their cell phones showing torture are these little kids that are murderers for the drug cartels. 12 years old, murderers, cutting people up and videotaping it on their phone. It's our own Sierra Leone.

I mean, ultimately, this is stuff that happens everywhere. By the way, not too different from early European stuff. We just think of ourselves as past it now. Well, the real true issue with Mexico is that there's no natural gas there and there's no oil there. There's not enough natural resources to warrant us taking troops over there and stabilizing the area. Nobody wants to say that. Yeah, nobody wants to say about drugs.

Yeah, well, by the way, the drug money, we're making money from those drugs. Totally. Guaranteed 100%. Without that $500 million, the economy would have collapsed even further than it went. Let me ask you this. How frustrating is it? Because you're a rational person, how frustrating is it when you talk to

regular people, you know, your average person, you have a cocktail party or whatever, and you're sitting down with some guy who's an architect, and you get into the conversation of where drugs come from, and people are so fucking naive, and when you tell them that, you know, there's a lot of evidence that the CIA brings drugs

into this country, they'll look at you like you are some fucking nut. And you could tell them about all these different cases where it's been proven true. You could reference Michael Rupert books. You could reference the whole case with Barry Seals and Mina Arkansas and all that shit that went down. How about the CIA plane that crashed recently they'd been at guantanamo bay on at least two separate occasions crashed in mexico with four tons of cocaine inside of it right like what the fuck it's another form of currency that they use it's off the books currency essentially i mean they have to run their own money laundering because the shit they're doing is so far down the rabbit hole that they can't you can't actually take the

cash itself the cash itself is too much of a marker. The numbers on it would trace back to the government too much. So they literally have – it would be better to sell it for drugs, like get drugs and change that money using drugs and then resell that drug for another currency to hide what's going on. It would be better that the American people thought our tax dollars were buying cocaine than what we were actually doing with it. Yeah. Well, I think it's just, it's also, they know that that's a way to make money and they know that it's going to exist forever. And, you know, why not just people need it? Absolutely. They find a way to justify that they're going to use it for, you know, the Sandinistas and the Contras, you know, during that, I mean, that was when they were accused

of selling crack in the ghettos and using. You know, during that, I mean, that was when they were accused of selling crack in the ghettos. Yeah, of course. And using that money to fund foreign wars. I mean, it sounds completely ridiculous. But what's really crazy is when you have a conversation with someone and you bring that up, if you have a conversation with, like, you know, just some normal person in your neighborhood.

Right. And somehow or another that subject comes up. You're a loon now. Right. You're a loony dude. Right. You're that crazy guy who believes that CIA is selling drugs. Right.

But at a certain point, I think ultimately I've had a lot of those conversations where more and more people are like, well, yeah, I mean, that happened in the 80s or that happens on occasion or, you know, guys go rogue and do stuff and blah, blah, blah. But that's not, you know, that's not the norm or whatever. And like, no, this is pretty much the price of doing business. And we're literally competing with other giant governments who are doing exactly the same thing. Well, we're not getting a real accurate sense of the landscape.

Kids aren't being forced to read Confessions of an Economic Hitman in high school. They should be. You should be forced to watch a bunch of different documentaries on what we do with money in other countries and how we get their resources and how we give them loans that they couldn't have ever possibly pay back.

The whole idea is that we're trying to help them, but really what we're trying to do is get them attached to debt. And once we get them attached to debt... Densher servitude. Yeah. That's what the pharaohs did. Ultimately, that was the difference between the slavery during the pharaoh's time was the idea

that you would intentionally indenture yourself for a time, and then over that time like this illusion of how the sex trade runs, you know what? We'll give you $20,000, we'll get you the states, and you'll work it off with your vagina, and then eventually you'll be free, but then you're never free.

They keep moving the goalposts. The Pharaohs did that, and that's why everybody got pissed and split. Well, that's how they do it in the Middle East when they're building giant buildings in Dubai. Exactly. And in China, same deal. They bring these poor fucks in from India and these third world countries. When I was in Beijing, they were ripping up the hutongs in preparation, which are essentially these mud-walled ghettos in the center of the city, right in front of the Forbidden City in what used to be the emperor's garden. right in front of the Forbidden City in what used to be the Emperor's Garden

are these low-walled houses with nine families using one hole as a toilet. It would be as if Central Park was a tent city. Imagine that. And then eventually that tent city turned into literally just mud-crusted bricks that they made themselves. And a hole that they shit in. Yeah.

In the middle of their house? Yeah, well, there's a drain, and it drains out into the street. It's really awful. So you just hang your ass over the hole and just drop it in there? Yeah, sort of, basically. Anybody fall in there every now and then? I'm sure.

Can't not. Jesus Christ, what a way to die, drowning in shit. What was that movie that recently came out that that guy, kid, fell in it? It was like a kid movie. He had to jump in there to hide. Oh, no. What was that movie? He jumped in the toilet to hide?

Yeah. Kid movie. Kid movie? I don't remember the movie. All to Hide? Yeah. Kid movie. Kid movie? I was remembering the movie. All the Indians. Indian kids. Slumdog Millionaire. I never saw that.

Was that good? I never saw that. Oh, yeah. Lady Hawk, actually. You know, that Matthew Broderick-Retker-Hauer movie with the Alan Parsons Project weird score. Wow, I never saw that either. It's an 80s movie. But Matthew Broderick plays this character, Philippe the Mouse, who's a contortionist, and he's a thief.

And he escapes from the Dungeons of Aquila, which nobody has ever escaped from, by basically cracking his bones and sliding his way through. It's amazing. But through this sewer. There was a dude named Lee Murray, he's a bank heist guy from England, who was trying to

get out of his cage by starving himself so small that he could slip through the bars. Like he was starving himself to try to get skinny enough to slip through his cage. Well, as you would do after a while. Yeah, but that's retarded. You're not going to do that. Don't you think the bars are too small for you to do that?

Well, eventually what they do is they make sure your skull and your hips can't get through. Yeah, come on, man. You ain't getting through, don't you? Yeah. That's ridiculous. That's a desperate man. Where were we?

Anyways, we really went like sideways. I blame the Lady Hawk reference. That was my fault. It was really, totally weird.

But in the Hutongs, in China, basically, to live in Beijing, to live in the big city, you have to have a card that says you live there. It's like as if New York said, basically, to live in Beijing, to live in the big city, you have to have a card that says you live there. It's like as if New York said, look, there's too many fucking people in New York. Yes, everybody wants to live here, but since we don't charge for rent anymore, it's a communist society.

We've got to have a hierarchy of some sort. You either have to have lived here a long time or you've got to give something up to live here. So they don't pay any rent at all? No. Well, outsiders do, and it's a weird system, but essentially you can get a better place by paying. But essentially your basic level stuff is there. So what they would do is they would go to these little towns, which were piece-of-shit towns that they were having. The Communist Party was having to maintain.

They have to run water out to these dipshit towns that have nothing to offer. They're just out there, and they had to provide for them. And they go into the town. They go, all right, everybody out. We're taking all the wiring back and the plumbing back, and we're taking all the concrete and everything. We're going to pulverize this whole city, and this whole town is going to live in a high-rise in Beijing

that you're going to build yourself. So we're going to give you the construction. For two years, the best workers here are going to go into the city. You're going to work on this tower. And then by the time the tower is finished, everybody moves into it, and we'll just pulverize the whole city. It's as if we went to Fairfield, California or some small town where the industry has left. So what's the hook? There is none other than you don't get to have your old town and your nice little village. So they actually do build this place they actually do live in it okay so it's not the same as like what's happening no but that

but no but the but yeah no they actually pay off eventually but but that's the good version of it or whatever in dubai they just you know in dubai it's interesting because they stopped paying and the fucking workers just started walking home they just all packed their shit and started walking to the edge of town that whole place is so crazy they've ever been there were so yeah yeah they were bawling at such a high level and then it just kind of all came crashing well they're based on it's a resource-based economy a limited resource-based economy and you can't eventually that's going to go dry no matter if it's now or 50 years from now if you're banking your whole worth on oil these fuckers are going to be hocking rugs like they were in the 50s sooner than they know it.

And it's going to be a creepy period for them. Well, they also have debtors prison. So you can't be in debt. You can't just go bankrupt over there. They just lock you up in jail. So a lot of people, they parked their Mercedes at the airport, got on a flight and just left everything behind. Totally.

Like, I don't want to be in jail. Fuck you and your country. Take care. Exactly. A lot of people were living there. Like Michael Jackson was living there. I mean, it got to be this, you you know really the idea of this enchanted paradise place where millionaires and just sounds like nuts it sounds like it sounds like las vegas run by

southern baptists yeah the whole thing is really fast they have religious police like i got them called on me yeah really during my show oh during your show yeah in dubai yeah i was i was i was i was doing a show with john lovitz, of all people, I guess. And I did the first 45. He did the second 45. And I introduced him in between our shows. And I come out. And so I'm up on stage.

And I'd gone up to the top of the Burj Khalifa, the tower, the tallest building in the world. I've now been in four of the tallest structures in the world. It's cool. Whatever. Blah, blah, blah. What does that feel like? It's pretty awesome. It it's actually you know what it looks like it's the same view you get in a landing airplane you know when you're flying into lax and you're over the what would be pasadena and all that shit you're that high in the air that's what it looks like i would

just start shitting and pissing in my head i'd pass out but it's all dirt it's terrible and i even said like i think it's great you guys built a tower that high because that's – dirt looks its best from about 3,000 feet. You know what I mean? Right. Dirt up close sucks. But all this dirt, so great to see because there's no – they haven't planted any fucking trees. It's all construction. It looks like shit.

So – and they don't even – like, the biggest observation deck doesn't even face the water, the Caspian Sea, because they wanted to impress people with what the city looks like. So they put the observation deck on the inside. Well, the city hasn't been built yet. So bullshit. Anyway, so I go up to the top of it it was originally called the burj dubai based on the city the sheikh khalifa the the president of the uae gave them 10 billion dollars to finish the tower 10 billion dollars to finish it because it didn't look like it was gonna and so on opening day they decided you know what fuck this we're gonna name it burj khalifa after him like this impulse thing but you go up in it and i was one of the first 200 people to go up in it you know and um and i go up in the gift shop all has shit that says

burj dubai on it and it's the same bullshit gift shop crap you'd find at the sears tower or in disneyland it's fucking golf shirts and and pocket knives and bottle openers and they all have Burj Dubai. They have little paperweights where there's water in it and you can shake it and snow comes on the little tower. A sandstorm maybe? I want to get one of those. It's stupid. But it all still said Burj Dubai on it.

I'm like, this motherfucker gives you $10 billion and you can't replace the bullshit printed t-shirts in 24 hours? Did you say this? Yes. Basically what I said on stage was, it's pretty rude to Monsieur Khalifa, I think, that you did this or whatever. Because I'm not paying for my hotel room. But when I call room service, they say, yes, Mr. Sparks. They don't say the guy who was in the room before me.

And I was actually trying to say something deferential, respectful to the guy. Right. You know? Well, it was the fact that I said, Monsieur Khalifa instead of Sheikh Khalifa that drove this one guy crazy. And he stood up in the back, like eight tables back. And people were laughing, so I didn't see this happen. He was back in the dark. He's like, blah! And he storms out of the fucking place. Whoa.

So I walk off stage. I finish my set. It was a great set, actually. I had a great time. And there was these, like, $40,000 tables, you know, round tables in the front full of sheiks and these guys and women in their hijabs and burqas and the whole

deal. And then there were business partners from the West. So, you know, it's really weird. So I go off stage, and the promoter's there, and he goes, uh, yeah, uh, you said something that offended one of the sheiks who was here. And so he called the CID, the religious police,

and they're here and they're going to take you into custody. We'll try to, yeah, this is fucked up. Wow. We'll try and mitigate it as much as we can, but the fine could be as much as $25,000 and three days in jail. And,

but we'll try and talk them down and it might not be a big deal. Cause we're not even sure what he was upset about yet. And we'll try to talk to them. But can you go out and take this out? Can you go out and introduce John and then come back and we'll deal with it? So I walk out on stage, and I go up on stage, and I introduce John. And as I'm on stage introducing him, I see them come police, these – there are three of them in these white shirts with their little belts that cross their chest and little stick holsters and stuff, and they're walking down the aisle towards backstage. And they go backstage, and I introduce John, and instead of going backstage, I walk straight off the stage and walk right out to the lobby where they had a table set up for me to sell shit and sign things right where's where i'd intended to go in the first place right but i walked i just instead of going backstage i went straight out front i'm like they'll find me out there they're

gonna find me they're gonna find me but i'm gonna go out there and do that shit first and let them stew you had to sell your merch yeah right so i go so i go outside and i'm taking and a bunch of t-shirts and shit out there totally and and d. And DVDs and took pictures and blah, blah. And I had a bunch of people come out because John is Jewish. I am not Jewish. And they definitely have issues with Jews there. So a lot of them came, saw me, and didn't stick around to watch John. They didn't want to watch the Jew.

Right. Assholes. Anyway, so they come out. And these guys are back there for ten fucking minutes before they realize he's not coming back. Right. And so they turn around. They come out to the office. And right when they walk out, I'm getting a picture with a sheik and his wife like this.

Like you were in fucking Wisconsin. Arm around both of them. Big stupid grin. They're smiling. He's got his fucking classic sunglasses, white shawl, the whole deal. His wife, Burka, you can't even see her fucking. This is it. And just a big smiley picture.

I'm assuming she's smiling. And they come out, and they go, oh, if he had said anything offensive, these people would be – they would not take a picture with him. This sheikh right here and his wife would not be taking pictures. If he said anything worth saying, they'd saw it. So they basically said he's not – he didn't offend anybody because if he did, they would be mad too. And so they went to the sheikh who was standing by the doorway. I didn't know who it was, but apparently he was standing. And they walked over with their arms crossed.

What did he say? And he goes, well, it wasn't what he said. I just thought that other people might get offended. And he started backtracking on what he said. So they stuck around and watched John's show for about 10 minutes to make sure he wasn't doing anything untoward. And I think they ended up fining him $25,000. They fined John $25,000? For mentioning his Judaism too much.

What? Yeah. Fuck that. Holy shit. Don't ever go there. Here's the other Yeah, dude. Oh my god, that's so crazy. Because it wasn't anything else. I mean, he does this thing, Bob Saget is gay, this song he does, which might have been it, because mentioning homosexuality is worse than mentioning Judaism there, I think, almost.

They conflate the two. But it's psychopathic. I mean, it's crazy behavior. Imagine if Fred Phelps' family ran Vegas. Who's Fred Phelps? The Westboro Baptist Church. Yeah. GodHatesVegas.org. Imagine if they ran Vegas. Oh my god.

And every time you were having a great time in Vegas, you had to kind of stop and make sure that nobody went and told Fred Phelps' family. Did you have reservations going there and performing there? Or were you like, eh, it'll be okay? Not really. I felt okay about what I was going to say, and I knew that that was an issue, but I didn't think... I was going through

my act going, is there anything that they're going to come... How much did you swear? Did you swear at all? Yeah. No problem. No, they weren't bothered by that. Sexual sexual stuff you allowed to talk about sexual stuff yeah really yeah how much so b level i mean not by b you talk about popping pussies and stuff uh no no i wouldn't go there what is what is popping pussy that's where you snap it what do you do with your fingers no you just pop it how do you do that just pop does that mean? I don't know what that means. There's songs about it.

You know, 2 Live Crew, pop that pussy. I think they just mean fuck it. Don't find that on YouTube, whatever you do. I see your little fingers moving. You cut the shit, young man. Yeah, I was more interested in just the experience of going there. Like, this should be really fucking good. Yeah, we did a UFC in Abu Dhabi.

Abu Dhabi's different. It's interesting. There's a different tone between that and Dubai. I refused to fly into Dubai for that reason. I didn't want to fly in there. Dude. And plus, I knew what they did with their labor, how they got these people from third world countries. They promised them an extreme amount of money.

And then when they get there, they take their passports away and give them a fraction of their money. Right. They live in squalor conditions. Like, I don't want to be connected to them. Totally. Yeah. I don't want to feel that. Yeah.

Well, at this point, it was already kind of on its downward arc and i was just curious as shit to see like where everything because it was literally like cranes it was something stupid like 22 of the world's cranes were in dubai and they were giant yeah yeah those cranes that they used to build the world's tallest building like Like, what the fuck, man? Yeah, stupid. Yeah. And by the way, the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world, they decided they wanted the world's biggest mall as well. So they built it at the base.

Okay. The base of the biggest building has the biggest mall? Mall in the world. Okay, and they decided to use the— Bigger than the Mall of America? Yes. They took—by the way, the way they did it was— We need to get our pride back, people.

Yeah, they decided to take the design for the Mall of America and duplicate it. And double it. That's what they did, those cunts? Exactly. And you know what it is? The Mall of America is basically round. It is ovular. So there are these two giant balls at the base of the Burj Khalifa. It is the biggest

dumbest phallus you have ever seen in your life. It's so fucking obvious. See, that's the most attractive thing you said all night. I want to go to that mall right now. Right. Me too. By the way, the way you go into the top is through the mall. You start in one of the balls and you go through this riding thing.

How is their food court? Is it good? It's ridiculous. Is it good? Do they have Cinnabon? No, it's just insane. No, Cinnabon is not good. Well, I mean, they have...

They better have Starbucks and Cinnabon. Yeah, they do. Well, I guess, yeah, technically. They do have Starbucks. I don't remember seeing it. But they had candied dates with caramelized almonds inside them wrapped in a leaf of vanilla frosting or something. And just rows and rows.

Because that's... And they were fucking amazing. I brought boxes of them back to everybody. That was the thing. The Middle East is quite a trip, man. One thing I wanted to get into with you before we wrap this thing up, because it's already 5.30.

I've seen a lot of shit. One thing that I saw that really brought my attention to you was you got interviewed at the airport about 9-11. Right. It was pretty fascinating because there's two groups of people usually when it comes to 9-11. And it was pretty fascinating because there's two groups of people usually that when it comes to 9-11, there's people that say, well, obviously the government makes mistakes, but we were attacked by some terrorist organization. There's a reason why we're in

these places overseas and we're there to make sure that we can have freedom here. And then there's another group of people that think, hey, something happened here. This is an inside job. There's a lot of people. There's a lot of facts that don't jive. There's a lot of information that doesn't jive. But a lot of those people are crazy.

Yes. And a lot of those 9-11 truthers, you listen to them, and you know the expression, the term confirmation bias, where you're looking for information that's going to confirm your suspicions instead of just be completely objective. Most religion is based on that. Yeah. 9-11 is the biggest thing for that. It's a crazy thing. Sure.

But one thing that's been, to me, proven, that even – I don't know what happened on 9-11. I don't know if there was government complicity. I don't know if the statements of Wolfsburg and Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney, I don't know how many of those are accurate and how many of those we need a new Pearl Harbor. I don't know how much of that is real. But I do know that if they did do it they could pull it off because i'm paying attention to the way people are reacting to some people that refuse to think that it's possible that the government would ever be involved in anything shady at all there's a giant group of you know love or leave it there's a giant god's guns and

government right group in this country yeah you could pull off almost everything you can count on it you can you can You can literally bank on how they're going to read stuff. Yes, exactly. The Sarah Palin book signing people that are waiting in line. You could trick them with fucking anything.

Three card money. You can get them. And if you scare them, it's even better because that fear part of their brain will trigger and everything will dovetail bottleneck through that area. And next thing you know, they're drinking beer watching fucking red dawn screaming wolverine

right they're ready yeah what do you what do you think happened on 9-11 what is your feeling i think well i think um i'm a big believer in that uh you know most of the time the official story is horseshit especially on big scale things like that I think there's a good combination of CYA and intentional push that mixed at the right time. Robert Anton Wilson said, yeah, there are groups that run the world. They're not just one group that runs the whole world. There's several that are trying all the time, and they fuck up like anybody else. They have shit sons who don't do their job right and ruin the family fortune for a decade

and have to come back. So I don't believe in this perfect world order Bohemian Grove Bilderberg group thing where they get everything they want and there's nothing we can do

and blah, blah, blah. That's where I vary from the Alex Jones kind of, they're a perfect monster. It doesn't work that way. Everybody is fallible. And I think a lot of times they do know,

you know, the Reichstag fire and those kind of things, false flag operations work very well. Building one yourself is very difficult. Letting one happen when you know it's already coming by looking the other way, like some people argue with Pearl Harbor was, we knew it was coming, but we also knew that was the impetus to get in there and we had a bunch of, you know. Well, we pulled out american warships yeah we pulled out warships because we knew that it was going to be hit i mean the actual there was history channel documentaries that have aired recently that have gone as far as saying that we were aware of the attack and allowed it to happen so that we'd be brought into world war ii much

like i think um comedy plus you know tragedy or time plus tragedy equals comedy you know people can make comedy out of something as long as it's far enough in the distance. I think a lot of us can also accept things the further they're in the distance. Right, like World War II or Gulf of Tonkin. Exactly. Once you go, oh yeah, well sure, there was the Reichstag fire,

there was the Gulf of Tonkin incident. Yeah, Pearl Harbor probably had some government complicity, but this just happened. And we want to believe in our own, we want to believe that we're unfoolable because those people were idiots. We, on the other hand, I couldn't get fooled like that. And I think like the recession.

I think the recession was something that could happen at any time because our financial system in this country is a house of cards, as it is in most countries around the world. It's based on what the Chinese call fang pi, which means fart air. It's just – it smells, and you know it's there, but it has no substance at all. It would not – you know fart air is there, but you can't rest your – That's how they describe the economy? Yeah, but you can't rest your cup on it, as it were. They describe the economy that way? Fang pi, yeah.

That's amazing. And so we know that at any given time you could crush this. You could bring down – Especially because it's not even based on gold anymore. Right. Money's based on confidence. know that at any given time you could you could crush this you could you could and you could you could bring down because it's not even based on gold anymore right so money's based on confidence even even money based on gold is a resource that people have to agree has worth right which is even i think ridiculous less flexible than creativity yeah you know i i know what you're worth as a human being i can't eat gold once i need it but i know you guys can figure out how to farm well the really crazy thing about gold is the zacharias Hitchin definition of why we're attached to gold.

Oh, because we were genetically programmed to dig it up along with diamonds and other shit. Well, gold, no. The reason for gold is he wrote this in the 12th Planet, his book that came out in the 1970s, that the ancient Sumerians, when they were being raised by the Anunnaki, the idea is that the Anunnaki came from this other planet, these aliens, and they interjected their DNA into human DNA to teach them to mine for gold. Yep. And the reason why they wanted to mine for gold is they needed to suspend gold particles

in their atmosphere to protect themselves, because they, in their quest for technology, much like us, they destroyed their environment. Right. And they needed it puffed around here temporarily, like in particulate form, which is conductivity makes sense. Well, they didn't figure that out until like 2000. It was like they had some sort of a symposium on climate change and they were trying to figure out ways to protect us

if we lost a good percentage of our environment. And one of the ways was to suspend gold dust or reflective particles in the atmosphere to reflect the sun. The other thing is paint your fucking roof white. If every house in America had a white roof instead of a black roof, it would reflect as much light as the polar ice caps would. And what would that do for us? It would reflect the heat. I mean, that's what ultimately the ice does.

It doesn't specifically cool the planet in that regard. It reflects the light back instead of absorbing it. And the absorptive heat, once the ice is gone, the darkness of the rock and stuff pulls the heat in, whereas the sunlight reflects it back. You know, the white reflects it back. So one of the big, like, green tech things that they're trying to push is white roofs

or light colored roofs. Huh. But what about solar? Well, solar absorbs and uses it for another source. But insofar as rooftops, you know,

that aren't being used for that, like sand does the same thing. It's white. So you would have to make a choice. Yeah.

Well, not necessarily. Environment or free electricity. You'd get as much as you'd want and then every other portion would be white. Eventually, we will have reflective solar panels. We'll have – like the light bounces off the black silicone, which is a relatively new molecule that we're using.

Well, I say we, but human beings will be using it. We stand up comics as we innovate. Totally. Come up with new films. The inside of it will bounce the white back into it, and then it'll look white to the outside viewer, but certain UV will get through. I've always wanted to get off the grid.

I really need to do it. It's one of the reasons why I moved to Colorado for a bit to get off the grid. Dude, you could totally do it here. You get enough sunlight, you're up here. Yeah, dude, work like a charm. But insofar as the concept of getting back to 9-11 and the idea of was it manufactured or was it we were attacked or whatever.

I think there's a case for both at the same time. There were people in the government who saw opportunity in letting one slide through, and maybe they didn't realize how big it would be. Maybe they didn't realize that it would be as big as 9-11, that it would be maybe another – Yeah, but if they were going to let planes slam in the ideas that's what i mean is they stood down and let this happen they had been they had been warned about people hijacking planes and slamming into buildings in advance i agree but maybe they thought they could uh maybe again how many people have to be complicit how many people have to be complicit is it a small number and everyone else just follows orders it's a small number and everybody else has to think they're following the right orders and they're compartmentalized it's like the arguments against

chemtrails you know if you look at chemtrails and you go okay maybe here's what here's what you have to do here's your tough decision you're in government somebody comes to you and goes look there's unequivocable science we're fucking up the atmosphere and if we don't start having more reflective clouds in the sky we're dead especially over big cities so what we're going to start doing is we're going to start seeding the clouds with barium and aluminum, and we're going to bring back the cloud cover over our major cities. So we bounce back some of the pollution, and we bounce back the light the other direction. And we have to do this. Otherwise, 40% of the American populace will die.

Why not tell people about this? Because by doing it, 12% are going to die. Barium and aluminum will kill a certain number of the weak among us. Let's say this is a bad choice. So you believe that all those things in the sky, those lines are all – No, I'm just saying. I'm using this as an example. Do you believe that though?

What do you believe? Well, that's the thing. I do think there's weather manipulation going on. There's definitely weather manipulation. That's what it's for. It's been documented. It is – in Georgia, if there's certain forms you have to fill out, and I forget what the exact subject is. But it's a government form, and one of the things has to deal with weather manipulation.

So it's a standard. Totally. I mean we've already shown that it can be done. Totally. In the 70s, the government decided we were going to be on the cutting edge of it. The American government decided we were going to be on the cutting edge of it. And by the way, at that same moment, the Chinese went, oh yeah, us too, and just immediately started leapfrogging ahead of us in the technology. But the point is the 9-11 part comes in.

You've got these planes flying over. You've got soldiers going up every day, and they know they're dropping barium and aluminum into the atmosphere, and they know it's a bit of a secret thing, and they know it's for the betterment of mankind. Where do you get this information, though? How do you know that soldiers are doing this? No, I'm using it as an example, whether it's true or not.

It's a maybe. Okay, this is a maybe. It's a maybe. Okay, this is a maybe. It's a maybe. Theory. Yeah, this is where the 9-11 part, where there's parody in the argument, whether or not it was an external or an internal threat, or who needed to stand down, who needed to be in the game and outside the game. Okay, so you've got every day, you've got soldiers. You come up to them and you go, look, we have this new plan.

It's necessary to save lots of lives. We're going to fix the atmosphere. You tell the soldiers this? Well, no, you've got this front line thing. Well, because you're not dumping shit behind your plane. You're not going to do it every day without some sort of an answer. So they're going to go to you, look, this is what we're doing. And you're going to notice the difference.

Every day you're going to drive home from your job at the base, and you're going to look up, there's going to be cloud cover that wasn't there before. And you're a part of that mission. there before and you're part of that mission and it's a very important part of that mission and you guys are Okay, how does this not get out though?

Don't you think this would get out? Don't you think there would be some dude that would be his fucking voice would be altered on some television show?

Well, I think there are guys They told me that what I was doing was going to save the environment Well, I think they picked their guys very well So how often do you think

this is happening that they're spraying shit in the sky? I mean, if you look at the crisscross patterns in the air over Los Angeles, three times a week. Okay. But do you know, though, that that's been proven, that turbine engines interact with moisture in the atmosphere? I'm not even arguing. No, no, no.

I'm not arguing whether or not this is true. But they actually create clouds. I mean, it actually, moisture, and when it gets spun. Contrails dissipate. Chemtrails don't. But that's not true. But here's the point. But it's dependent, scientifically dependent on the amount of moisture that's in the air.

I agree. They've proven that. But you collect that moisture and make it do certain things, and that's what weather manipulation is. Right, but these planes – I'm not arguing whether it's valid or not. The number of planes that are leaving these trails is so substantial that you're including commercial aircrafts and carrying around people. No, I'm not, because you would never crisscross commercial aircraft in the air, in the atmosphere. You would never create perpendicular lines in the same atmospheric level with commercial

planes. And by the way, near cities, they don't fly at that height. The trails that you're seeing that are effectively what would be called chemtrails are higher than planes fly when they enter Los Angeles atmosphere to land or take off. And they do not reach those altitudes until they are well outside that area. When you say crisscross, okay. In a checkerboard pattern. Flight patterns.

Have you really studied these? Yes. You know what happens? You would never, ever crisscross planes in the air at that altitude. But why? Don't you when people are coming from different directions? They all go the same way? No.

They all bank around. They go in circular format like this. And on two levels. That's why you have east and west or north and south landing strips. That's why you circle people around in a specific pattern. Well, if that's true, that seems to be something that should be discussed. Like why isn't that? It is.

It's LAX. Burbank has to go that way. It can't circle around that much it's not that far away you know so that those burbank airports yeah and then you have john wayne and orange counties coming up this way i agree there's only so much but they get into gulf streams like a road and they have and they have uh they have like what would be like sort of cul-de-sac-y looking turns that the planes go through and you've been in them you've been in holding patterns they go around and they're circular and they go back around to a specific

landing strip. But they never crisscross. There's never a point where they bang out. I think until you really do a real audit of the actual patterns over LA, this is a tough... Look at them. Yeah, but you can't just say that. I think you have to know what they're doing. No, I mean, online you can actually see the airplane flying patterns. But you can see where they're

supposed to go exactly or where they do go. Where they do go. And what about cargo planes and a bunch of other different kinds of planes? They all use the same paths? Technically, they should, yeah, because you would never have a plane crisscross another. The point is I'm not arguing for or against chemtrails. I'm using it as an example. Okay. I'm using this example.

Let's say, based on a hypothesis, you have soldiers who are told every day you're doing something to help the environment. Right. And you're flying up every day and you're dropping this barium and aluminum into the atmosphere

because this helps us create cloud cover and this is the whole point. And you go, okay, good. All right. As a soldier, I'm on board. That's great.

And then one day somebody switches the canisters. Doesn't tell you. Doesn't tell anybody else. And you dump pesticide or a poison or lithium on the public. Lithium? And you don't, and you don't, I'm not saying this happens. I'm just saying

that's where the conspiracy doesn't have to involve you at all. You will do exactly what you're told because you've been doing something that you perceive as good. Like every plane that went north to do a war game to practice against russia as if it was necessary none of those guys were bad guys they were just following the order that was given

them and then eventually that gets to a smaller and smaller portion of the group that are on a need-to-know basis and they just kind of offer orders and we're going this is the day we're going to do a big nato exercise okay what's how's this different from any other day we do a big nato exercise well in this one other shit is happening but you're not privy to that point. You're still a good guy. That's why there's so many good guys that can be involved in something nefarious without them actually being involved in it specifically. They don't have any inclination or any information, and that's where people's fears, I think, of chemtrails come from is the idea – whether it's true or not is that they're afraid someday Dick Cheney and his buddies have set to – We'll decide to spray with him.

Yeah, we'll decide to switch the barrels. And people think that this is completely outside the realm of possibility and absolute wacko-ness and you're talking crazy. But Operation Northwoods is the one thing that always rings in my head. And if you're not aware of it, go read about it online because it was a document that was drafted by the Joint Chiefs of Staff signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff so they were down with this proposal and it was vetoed ultimately it was in 1962 and the idea was that they were going to attack American civilians they were going to attack Guantanamo Bay they were going to blow up jetliners and say that they're Americans inside of it and they were going to blame it on Cuba and we were going to go to war with Cuba because of this exactly it's amazing those amazing. And those guys, a lot of those guys, by the way, still work in the military.

Sure, absolutely. And have, by the way, risen in rank since then. And by the way, were never arrested. And by the way, everything where you don't have a massive fucking culling of all these corrupt people in government, everything evolves, including corruption. And if corruption existed in the 1800s, it's still around today. And if it existed in 1962 and no one went to jail for it, well, track the lineage. Exactly.

Who hired who? These people hired the next generation, and they trained them, and it's all the same thing then. The Chemtrails argument is what I'm basically using as an example of how you could create a 9-11 kind of circumstance almost any level. And good people would be involved. Good people are involved. And they don't even know. And aren't even aware of it because they're doing something that they think is helping you know what i mean let's say i don't know if i agree with you about the chemtrails thing i think i need to look into it and find out what the deal is with the weather patterns and i just don't know

how it could be so prevalent it just seems silly to me it seems like you would have too much fluid you'd have too many you know it'd be obvious. Too many people would be talking about it. Again, I have no – They wouldn't do it during the day. I have no – Why wouldn't they do it at night? They would do it at night. Well, the idea is maybe clouds only last a certain amount of time.

Yeah, or you need to do it during sunlight hours. But the point is – Either way, I agree with you that it's possible that it could happen. And I have no dog in that race at all. I'm just – I was using it as a pure example of where you could get soldiers as a direct example to do exactly what they're told in a positive sense

on a secret level where they know they shouldn't tell anybody because they know sort of consequentially that they're doing something good but not everybody would get it. And it's a level of secret

that's actually important. And then flip the game where it could be something very negative. Do you ever feel frustrated that when you talk about any of these weird subjects, you get labeled as like a nut? You get labeled as like a loose thinker or a wacko?

Because if you start talking about like Tower 7, what happened with Tower 7? You're a loon, man. You get boxed into this category of conspiracy theorist, which automatically makes it very easy to dismiss you. But I also think that as a comedian, I think it's our job to not give a shit what other people think and say stuff that other people don't feel the freedom to say. Whether or not we get ridiculed, laughed at, or with is almost immaterial. And I think we owe it to ourselves as comedians specifically as the philosophy that goes with comedy to cut angles, as you'd say in jiu-jitsu. To go instead

of taking a force directly on let me look at it from this angle this angle this angle and this angle whereas other people only have the they'll only look at the tiger by its teeth and its nose and know that it's scary and know that they don't want to fuck with it i think one thing that uh comics or any public speaker that you know has an interesting point of view does is they offer a different path for the person to start thinking right and then other people will listen to you and say you know what this house parks guy is making a lot of fucking sense you know like maybe i'm not 100 agreeing with him but i see that this guy has really thought this out and maybe i should consider his his ideas and maybe it's not even about this yeah maybe maybe you're not looking at 9-11 you're gonna give a rat's ass

whether it was fake or real whether it was staged or an actual attack. And it has no real bearing on your life personally. But you might come in touch with a situation in your own social circle or in your job where you're like, this sounds like bullshit to me. And you might be more apt to look a little deeper and at the sides of it than you would have beforehand if you just get used to the idea of toe the line. You know, I hear the official story of 9-11. I'm for it. I hear the official story of Pearl Harbor. I'm for know, I hear the official story of 9-11, I'm for it. I hear the official story of Pearl Harbor, I'm for it. I hear the official story of how Jesus was born, lived, and died, I'm for it.

And then you come up against something that doesn't fit. Right. And you're willing to step back and look at it objectively and say, this doesn't jive with my consciousness. Exactly. You have the skill built through critical thinking to look at. And again, you could do all the thinking about Building 7. You could do all the thinking about whether or not they wanted the TSA situation set up and all that kind of bullshit beforehand. Or like the conservative groups had this Bilderberg idea that they're going to craft human consciousness and put lithium in the water and all that Alex Jones shit.

You can believe that stuff. You can explore it without going there and staying there in the same way that you can sort of arguably take DMT and not stay in that brainstem position. Yeah, you can get trapped into that. The world is conspiracy. You can get trapped in that dimension. Right, and it's not necessary. The whole point is –

Be aware. Yeah, be aware. And don't just buy the straight line you know like one of my wiki leaks yeah that's right i said it you know this fucking conversation go on forever house i know but it's over i know it's crazy let's let's end it now yeah two hours and 40 minutes and we're just starting three hours itunes crashes it does well it's our podcast you stream you verbose cunts yeah has. Has Ustream still on the air? Ustream can only do three hours.

Yeah, really? Record. It can play forever. We've done that a few times. Props to Hal Sparks. Thank you very much, sir, for coming on. Thanks for having the conversation, brother. Absolutely.

Awesome, good, intelligent conversation with Mr. Hal Sparks. You can catch Hal on Twitter, Hal Sparks. That's his Twitter name. And his website, is it HalSparks.com? Hal Sparks. You can catch Hal on Twitter, Hal Sparks. That's his Twitter name. And his website, is it HalSparks.com? HalSparks.com. And his band is Zero, the letter zero dash one. And where's your band playing next? I think we're at the Brixton in February.

The Brixton? Where's that? Hermosa Beach. Oh, powerful Hermosa Beach. Yeah. Comedy Magic Club in the house. Love that place. Right.

And then I think we're doing Whiskey or Key Club in February as well. Nice. The Whiskey. There's lots of bitches. We're going to San Francisco. Bleach, tear, and bad dads. San Francisco? Okay, cool.

And they could find all this stuff on your website? Yeah, yeah. We'll be posting dates in like the next month because we're booking them all now. Nice, nice. And ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't seen the video that Brian made from Austin, it is his piece de resistance. It is his. It's fucking brilliant.

It's the perfect length. It leaves you wanting more. I told him it should be longer, but he's right because really it just leaves you just so good. I watched it five times in a row, man. It's fucking amazing. I love watching it. It's his best editing ever, and it's great, and it's important. You know that girl, Deb, who was like, I hate that song, that Australian?

She lost her dog, man. Her dog disappeared, but she found it. Oh, she found it? Yeah, so it was on Twitter. Deb O'Keefe. Awesome. So everybody, say congrats to Deb O'Keefe. Deb O-K-E-E-F-E. She sounds like a girl. Fair diggum. Deb O'Keefe is a radio DJ in Austin. She's very cool

and sad that she loves her dog and sad that she lost her dog for a bit. But she got it back! Doesn't matter, bitches! Props to The Fleshlight. Thank you very much for sponsoring our podcast. and I'm sad that she loves her dog and I'm sad that she lost her dog for a bit. But she got it back. It doesn't matter, bitches. Props to The Fleshlight. Thank you very much for sponsoring our podcast. And again, I Get Behind It is a tool. I have used it. I use it on a regular basis.

It's awesome for shooting loads into. It's way better than just masturbating. You can go to joerogan.net and click the link and you get 15% off when you enter in. Rogan, it's a customer code. I'm just here to help you beat off, bitches. I'm for it. February 4th, Mandalay Bay Theater. Joe Diaz, Ari Shafir, and me.

Full death squad. Perhaps Brian Redband will make an appearance. You think you're up for going on stage in front of 2,000 fucking people in Vegas? Panic sets in. I'm going to get him super, super, super high and then force him on stage in his underwear. I got too high last night. You're going on stage high and in your underwear. He'll have a boner on stage the whole time.

We're having the UFC podcast tomorrow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Saturday. Tell them how they find it. Twitter, Redban. So while the fights are going on, listen to this fucking package. While the fights are going on, Redban, Sam Tripoli,

and Joey fucking Diaz are going to be doing commentary on the fights. going on red band sam tripoli and joey fucking diaz are going to be doing commentary on the fights so you can watch alongside joey's gonna they're gonna be smoking pot and just talking shit about the fights as it goes down this shit is gonna be epic i i would i really i'm gonna i'm looking forward to that night after the fights are over going back to my hotel room and watching this before i get up in the morning i've added a lot more people to it too it's just going to be a crazy amount of people uh ari shafir's coming uh daniel stewart i think is coming uh taylor vixen's coming oh my god how you have enough microphones for everybody i don't you're gonna pass them around yeah it's gonna be more of a that is such a great idea when i quit working for the ufc that's what i'm gonna do yeah we're gonna have ufc parties and

we're gonna we'll do it that way. Fuck, that's going to be fun. I can't wait to see that. Anyway, February 4th, Mandalay Bay Theater, Joe Diaz, Ari Shaffir, and me. Tickets are going fast. I'm very excited. This is going to be

a fucking killer show. We used to do the House of Blues but we had a problem with them not wanting everybody to be seated and I need everybody to be seated.

That's standing shit at comedy clubs, at bars. It's just too much of a pain in the ass for you too. I don't want you to stand. I went to one of my friends, I went to Doug Stanhope's show in LA and it changed my mind on standing. It's annoying, man. You get your feet hurt, your back

hurts, your fucking neck is cracking. It's not an enjoyable show. And it leads to people talking and it's not the right environment. So we decided to move to Mandalay Bay Theater. Props to the House of Blues. I still love you bitches, but I got to move on. I got to move on. This weekend, UFC pay-per-view.

Buy it, you whores. And as usual, I love all of you, and we will see you next week. Next week, did you get in touch with Eliza? No, I haven't. Hopefully we'll respond. So Twitter her at Eliza at Twitter. Attack Eliza Schlesinger and tell her. Bitch.

She doesn't even follow me. I tried to send her a private message, but she doesn't follow me. Really? Yeah, we talked about Flesher. It's always sad when someone you like doesn't follow you. I know. House Sparks follows me. That's all that's important, you dirty, dirty bitches.

All right. That's it. The show's over. Love you. See you next week. Bye. Big kisses. And this one for you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.