The Joe Rogan Experience - #676 - Esther Ku

Episode Date: July 29, 2015

Esther Ku is a stand up comedian, and is also known from the MTV shows "Girl Code" and "Wild 'N Out"

Fresh back from her lion hunting safari in Africa. Esther Koo, you're here. I understand. This is a lion mania today, Esther. Yes. Are you paying attention to this? I can't. No, what happened with lions today?

Some dude killed a loved lion that had a GPS collar. They lured it away from this protected area where it was living, and he killed it. And they tried to hide the fact that he killed it. He's a dentist in Minnesota? Yeah. It's a sad story. Tried to destroy the tracking device. Why? Why did he try to destroy the tracking device?

Because he didn't want people to know that he killed this lion that was a protected lion. Apparently, they lured it away from the protected area with meat. They, like, dragged meat behind a car, like, to put the scent so that this thing would follow the scent and smell it. Did he use the GPS tracking device to find the lion? No, they found it, allegedly, according to them. They found that it had a tracking device after they killed it. So they didn't know that it was a protected lion. Ugh.

What was he going to do with the lion? He's going to put it in his office. Just for the Instagram picture. That's why a lot of people are pissed off because it's like this beloved lion, but yet they're only doing it for like the photo, you know. Well, he's got a trophy room, I think, because he's killed everything. This guy's killed fucking everything. I think Jimmy Kimmel said he killed half of Noah's Ark. Like, literally.

Oh, my God. It's fucked up. Jimmy Kimmel started crying when he was talking about Last Night on TV. And I think it Kimmel said he killed half of Noah's Ark. Like, literally, it's fucked up. Jimmy Kimmel started crying when he was talking about Last Night on TV. And I think it was legit. I know it was legit. He's not a bullshit artist. But, yeah, this guy's one of those trophy hunters that just wants to have these stuffed animals in a room. Wow.

You know, we talked about Big Cat Derek the other day. And he had contacted. He wants to come out and fly out and be on the show. Oh. You know, we talked about Big Cat Derek the other day, and he had contacted. He wants to come out and fly out and be on the show. Okay, yeah, definitely have him on. You know what we should do? He's one of those guys. We should go visit him. Yeah, in Texas.

We should go to Texas. Yeah. So where was his line killing? It was in Africa, somewhere in Africa, which is a fucking huge place. Somewhere in Africa is like saying somewhere on Earth. I think it was in Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe? Yeah.

I want to know the two guys that dragged it out, knew that this was a beloved line. Obviously, if it was such a superhero in that, that area, like they, it seems almost like a setup or something. I don't know how much of a superhero line is to the people that live there,

to the people that live there. That's a fucking line. You know, I think a lot of the people that are like conservationists and are people that are tourists and are visiting. and that's a beloved lion. That beloved lion will kill you just like any regular lion. It's not the lion king. People are probably more mad at him than the woman who killed the giraffe.

Oh, yeah. Right? Because there's no giraffe king. Like, you know, that moment with Simba. Yeah. I think we love lions a lot more than giraffes, don't you think? We love a lot of animals based on cartoons. We really do.

And cats. We need a giraffe cartoon. Yeah. Oh, Toys R Us. They kind of have a giraffe. But it's just a commercial. Jeffrey. Yeah, we need like a real cartoon, like a half hour.

Have you ever seen the video of two giraffes fighting? They like fight to the death. Two male giraffes overbreeding. I don't think so. With their legs? No. Their necks? They use their necks.

They use their head like a whip. And they swing their neck into each other. It is fucking crazy. And then they pull like tug of war? No. They just slam their neck into each other's ass they just slam their neck into each other's ass. They slam their neck into each other's body. You know they have those like nubs?

Like here it is. Watch these dudes. Watch these dudes go to war. We can see it on this one in front of us here. Watch these dudes go to war. Look at this. They slap their bodies into each other. Look at that.

I whip my neck back and forth. I whip my neck back and forth. Come on. How crazy is that? Oh my god. They like whip. They should my neck back and forth. I whip my neck back and forth. Come on. How crazy is that? Oh my God. They like whip. They should put a wig on them. Why would they put a wig on them?

So it'll look cool. Like hair like flailing everywhere. Or a wet wig. They're like the wet water. Yeah, like a mop head. It's just a, what a crazy way to do battle. Don't they know they have legs? It's like sword fighting kind of though. It's kind of cool. It's like a what a crazy way to do battle don't they know they have legs it's like sword fighting kind of though

It's kind of cool Yoga if you were like a giraffe and you were smart you're like okay. I see what these guys are doing I'm gonna kick his legs. Yeah, kick him right in the funk. Oh, yeah, leg sweep it. Just sweep the leg right there Yeah, that seems like it'll give you a massive headache. Oh, yeah Well, well they had one of them walk away this these two guys They went to war about it, and they walked away, and his whole body was fucked up. Like, he had just massive open sores all over his legs and his open wounds all over his legs and body. Because of those horns they have, their antlers, they're slamming their antlers into each other's bodies.

Bizarre. So why did they get in a fight? What do you think precipitated that fight? Sex. 100%. They fight over breeding rights. This is pre-sex? No, no, no. They fight to make sure that they can breed. A giraffe essentially is like a type of deer. It's like an antelope or

that kind of hooved animal. And all those animals, they have real similar behavior. And they have similar behavior where they grow. The largest ones with the biggest antlers, the ones that get to breed. And they clash heads to make sure that they're the bigger ones. And that's why they have these big, impressive antlers. That's to let the females know, like, oh, look at this motherfucker. Jeez.

Yeah. Yeah. The male giraffes get dark when giraffes, when they start dominating. The dominant male, like like you could see them. They stand out. They're actually darker than the other ones. Now you know. Wow.

But yeah, you came here on Lion Day. I mean, my Twitter feed has never exploded like this over an animal. It's very interesting. Yeah, it's all over Facebook. I've been scared. All my Facebook peeps are scared about the 100 days, 100 nights thing, about the gang violence. Is that real?

No one really knows 100% for sure, but it's like the LA Times has it. Everyone's talking about it. Supposedly, somebody died in a popular gang, and supposedly the two rival, decided to have a competition who can kill the most people in 100 days here in L.A. And so it's called, like, hashtag 100 days, 100 nights. And a lot of people are calling bullshit on it, but who knows, you know? It's the idea that we have so many people that are in gangs and so many people. I mean, you ever talk to one of those L.A. gang task force guys about how many gang members there are in L.A.?

Every day he follows me. There's a lot of fucking gangs. And there's a lot of gang members, a lot of disenfranchised young people that have nowhere to go, criminal backgrounds, fucked, can't get a job, can't vote, can't join the military. It's everywhere. I think a gangbanger joined my high school, like mid high school. Where'd you go to school? East Lydon High School.

Where's that? It's in Chicago. Oh, you're from Chicago? Yeah, I'm from Chicago. Sup, Ohio? Where'd you start doing standup? Boston. No shit.

Where in Boston? The Comedy Studio in Harvard Square. Oh, I didn't even know about that place. Where's that place? Really? You've never been there? No, never heard of it. Oh, my God.

I know. Wait a minute. Is that the place above the Chinese restaurant? Yeah, above the Hong Kong. Oh, I have been there. Yeah, I have been there. Yeah, I was there once. Yeah, that's where my first show was.

Guy got mad at me there. What happened? Some old guy got mad at me for something I was talking about. I forget what it was about. Did you guys get in a fight? Nobody got mad at me. Like, after the show? We got mad at my subject matter.

The audience was laughing hard, though. It was fucked. It was weird. It was like this one guy just decided that it wasn't funny. You just hit him the wrong way. It was just too personal for him. Yeah.

I wish I could remember what it was, but I was just laughing. Like, you really think I'm serious? Like, I forget what it was. Might have been. I'm not sure. I'd be guessing. Was he bigger than you?

No, he was not bigger than me. He wanted to start a fight? I don't think he wanted to start a fight. I think he just wanted to express his disgust. He wanted to, like, put a suggestion in your suggestion box to your face. It was really dumb because it was like, like, if you were at a show and everybody else was enjoying it, it was all this laughter and all this fun going on. Then you're like, no,

you shouldn't be enjoying this because I don't like it. Like that's stupid. Just leave. You know, I've had people tell me that like, like, you know, I would enjoy your act so much more if you didn't use so many curse words or,

or like if, if you didn't talk about like sex, you know, the whole time. And I'm just like, wait, what do you want me to talk about like sex you know the whole time and I'm just like wait what do you want me to talk about like that's just what I'm passionate about sometimes you're passionate about sex that's beautiful I am passionate about sex it's just ridiculous everybody passionate about sex no there's a lot of

people they're not alive they would like to present that sex doesn't exist because nobody wants to touch them yeah there's a little bit of that going on all right yeah there's a lot of that going on. Right? Yeah. There's a lot of that going on. For sure. But most people are passionate about sex, no? There's a lot. But there's some people that don't like you to talk about it.

And that's like New England, like that Boston area. That's a big thing down there. Like that's a very buttoned down town. Very conservative in a lot of ways. Like everybody wears khakis and like blue like, blue-collar shirts from J.Crew, you know? That's like the Boston uniform. There's a lot of that going on. Yeah. It's in a lot of ways.

It's a liberal town, a Democrat town. It's hard to, like, start comedy in because they're so tight that you make them laugh and then you go somewhere else and they're like, oh, this is so easy. Those Boston people were so hard. Some of them are tight and uptight and the other ones are mean and drunk. So you got two good groups to pull from. The drunk Irish people. Yeah.

Well, it's a good spot to start. That Cambridge place was known to be a good little spot. That's Rick Jenkins' spot, right? Yeah. You know, I feel like he could have a big comedy club. He always prided himself in not advertising. He's like, we don't advertise, and look, there's still 20 people here on a Saturday night. And I'm like, you should advertise.

You can make so much money if you grew the club, because yeah, it's been there for a while. People have very strange ways of looking at things. And they just decide that this is the way. Oh, look, I've always done it this way. Right. Not advertising a comedy club seems pretty silly. Pretty silly, like...

How the fuck are people supposed to know? Yeah, who's here this week? Who knows? You know, like, why would anyone go there? Right. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense,

but... So... How many people were out of there? There was this one gay dude that was there that was really fucking funny. Like, really flamboyantly gay dude. He was hilarious.

I forget his name. I want to say he's Iranian. Did they call him Persian? Is that Tripoli? No. He's not Iranian. He's Armenian. Forget his name. A gay dude. Followed him on Twitter for a while. Lost track of him. Saw him years back, though. He was very funny. From the comedy studio?

Yeah, from that spot. Yeah, a lot of people came out of there But there's not that much besides there, right? I mean, what other places really do open mic There's Nick's Comedy Stop They still have open mic nights there? I don't know You don't know? You never go there? I don't know, I haven't been there in a while

When did you start doing stand-up? Like, um Ten Ten years ago? Like, ten, eleven Yeah Years ago, like 10, 11 years ago. Yeah. But I had a full-time job when I started. What were you doing?

I was a sales rep. I was slinging pens. Pens. Like the kind of pen you're holding. Yeah. That's why you're automatically like holding this pen. You're like displaying it. She has all the tricks.

You know, it's not really that hard to do. Well, you do it. Yeah. Okay. What are you doing? You're just going Let me see your moves. Oh. Well, it's not really that hard to do. Well, you do it. Yeah. Okay. What are you doing? Are you just going back and forth? Yeah. Okay.

I'm pretty sure I could do that. Can I get a pen? Okay. Okay, let me see what you're doing here. Like this here. That's it? Yeah. That doesn't seem that hard.

Am I doing it? No, you have to get, like, the right balance. This is amazing for people at home. This is what everybody in libraries do in college. Take out the drumstick. Twirling the drumstick. Oh, okay. It looks cooler now.

No, you're doing it wrong. You have to do it between your thumb and your index finger. Between your thumb and your index finger? Yeah. Put the bottom of the pen here. Okay. Like in that little pocket. Right.

But you have to place it here my fingers are too fat oh there you have to put this here this is so boring they're like they're twirling a fucking pen who is this girl so what did you do you slung pens like used to go door to door like offices and stuff and no that's not how pens are sold these days. I don't know. But everybody says door to door. That's what everybody says. Yeah, like it went from encyclopedias to knives to pens. Vacuum cleaners. Have you ever bought a pen?

Yes, I have bought pens. Okay, did somebody knock on your door and say, would you like to buy a pen, sir, today? No, but I don't live in Ohio. True, it was huge in Ohio. So how did you buy your pens? I go to the store. Which store? Various stores.

I'm not loyal to one pen store. Exactly. They sell pens everywhere. So that's what you would do. You would show up at like Office Depot or something like that and go, yo, what's up? And fix the pen display. Give them samples of like the new Sharpies, you know. Here's the newest technology.

Throw pizza parties for them if they sold the most pens that week out of like our competitors' pens. So you had like a truck that you used to drive around in filled with pens? I had a Volkswagen Beetle that had like Sharpie written all over it. Really? Like a neon car. Yeah. And then they got me a Trailblazer, but it was a two-wheel drive. And I was living in Boston driving a real, real drive fucking Trailblazer. it was a two-wheel drive and i was living in boston driving a real real drive

fucking trailblazer when it snows like they wanted to like get rid of me because i didn't want to get promoted because i wanted to just keep doing comedy i had like a free car and i was driving around like new england new hampshire everywhere you know doing shows gigs with that car i yeah i got to like drive comedians to shows and like i had a gas card so i didn't need to like pay for gas oh shit what a great deal for a comic what an amazing day job for a comedian like that's perfect more than perfect so did you do like the whole new england circuit everybody yeah you gave pens to people at shows i would give pens to comedians oh hey write your jokes down bitch right write some new material so you you did all the like the new england circuit

like that whole all those little route 99 yeah i went to albany route one in saugus you know concord new hampshire um yeah the one in just everywhere all of those so you kind of cut your teeth doing the boston road scene yeah that's a good scene that's a what if it still exists i don't know what it's like now. It does exist. Does it? Yeah. Yeah. Tony V still lives there. He does still live there. He still makes a living doing that? Yeah. He's on, um, I just saw him on a TV show.

Tony V's hilarious. Yeah. He's such a good dude, too. He's so funny. He gave me the best piece of advice anybody ever gave me about driving. He goes, uh, he was driving back and forth from Boston to New York. And I said, how do you do it without going crazy? And he said, I just, when I sit in the car, I just go zen.

And I say, this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing. I'm driving now. I don't freak out. I don't say, God, I wish I wasn't driving. How many more hours is there to go? I just say, this is what I'm doing. And that's what I do now.

When I drive, I just say, this is what I'm doing. I'm driving now. And do you listen to music? Yeah. doing and that's what i do now when i drive i just say this is what i'm doing i'm driving listen to music yeah or mostly mostly like books on tape or um maybe podcast when i'm driving i love to listen to music i have to listen to music have to i don't have to like i'll listen to like talk shows and stuff but like something it's just so powerful to drive while playing me but while blasting music you know like you just have i just have like a party in my car. I'm driving by myself and I'm like, born in the USA, you know? Is that what you're singing? Well, I mean like whatever song.

Jesus Christ, why'd you pick that? I figured you for more of a Katy Perry girl. I know. California girls are undeniable. I do love Katy Perry. Oh, that song was brutal I would like to introduce you to a bunch of California girls That are gross

That are monsters Yeah I know all these California girls are getting like the Beach Boys song too They get all this free publicity I wish they all could be There's no song about Illinois girls There should be right Illinois girls are solid Texas girls those are some solid girls Right Illinois girls. There should be, right? I know, yeah. Illinois girls are solid.

Texas girls, those are some solid girls, right? Yeah. Texas are the best girls, I think. Texas? Yeah. How about Florida? No. If you want to get crazy, though. Stripper land.

If you want to buy pills. No, all of them are cokeheads. All of the Florida girls? It seems like that's probably the state, between Florida and Arizona, it's the state where you can guarantee if you go out, you're going to run into people coked up. Oh, yeah. Those are these two spots.

I find coke, yeah. You know what? That did happen to me at a show in Florida once. Somebody offered you coke? These girls, they were all dressed like they're going to the club or something. And after a show, it was a comedy show in a barbershop in Wynwood. And after the show, these girls came up to me. They're like, you're so funny.

You're so funny. You know? And they're like, come, come, come. And they, like, brought me to the bathroom. And they pull out a key with Coke on it. And they were, like, handing it to me to be nice, I guess. Like, let her have the first sniff. And I was like, no, I don't.

I'm like, I don't do that. Then they hate you. No. Then they turn on you. Did they? I don't remember. What, are you too good for us? You too good for Coke?

Wait, why would you turn down Coke? Fucking bitch. Well, because I don't think Coke is fun. You don't? No. So you've done Coke before. Yeah. You've had a, and you were too addicted to it.

It just makes you twitch and like not stop talking and i just start freaking out like i'm on too much coffee you know i never did it but i did drink the tea i drank this tea called mate de coco it's made out of coco leaves and i couldn't shut the fuck up i did it with uh stanhope and i remember i kept telling him dude i can't shut the fuck up this is driving me crazy and you you're aware of it. Yeah, it's terrible. It's the worst drug for me. It's horrible. Because it's like the words are escaping.

It makes you stay up so late. That it does. The whole next two days are just wasted. You can't be productive with anything. Yeah, I have a friend who just did ecstasy. And he said the same thing. He said after it was over, the next day he felt so shitty. He's like, he couldn't do do anything There's a way to do

Ecstasy right like a new mood take a shitload of new mood before you go to bed just see like vitamin C and like I That's one of those things where you can do it correctly and I've had it where I've woken up and had zero hangovers He's really fit though and I wonder if the difference between a guy that Is like always working out and eating healthy and drinks a lot of water and takes care of his body, when he really feels like a shitty day, whereas you booze it up all the time, you're smoking all the time. You're not smoking anymore, right? Well, I kind of fucked up in Toronto. Are you back on now?

I'm just having a few a day now type thing. Smoking cigarettes? Yeah. Have you ever tried to be hypnotized? No, that doesn't work on me. No, it will work dude. You just gotta get a real person. I get hypnotized. People that say to read that book. No, I hate reading

books so much that the whole time I'm like, fuck this book and everything it stands for. Books are awesome. It's just wasting my time. I look at a book and I'm thinking a million things, other things. That's like when you say you're in the car playing music, I'll drive and sometimes realize I'm not even listening to anything because I have a million things I'm thinking about. I'm multitasking all over the place.

So you can't read a book because you can't concentrate enough to read a book? I mean, I can read a book and make myself concentrate to read a book. You never sit down and read a book. You never read fish and... Not since the internet was made, because I read the internet so much that... My eyes are going to deteriorate in like 10 years. You have to like

give your eyes a break. Jesus. I read a Stephen King book every day. We're going to be doing a benefit for him in 10 years. Like, please help save Brian Redband's eyes. You know, the surgery costs. Well, they're really close to some artificial lens. Did you see that thing they had on the internet recently?

They're creating some artificial lens for the human eye that's way better than any vision that you'll ever have. I thought they already had that. Didn't they have the first implant? I don't know. But there's some new one that they've developed, some artificial lens. See if you can find it.

But there was some talk about it. Like a contact lens? No, it's going to be like something they insert into your eyes. In your eye. Yeah, they're going to do surgery on you. What do you think about people who want to put chips in kids to prevent kidnappings? Or to be able to find your kid?

It sounds like a great idea if that's what it does. If it prevents kidnapping and so you could find your kid the problem comes when people use it for other reasons like to know where your kids are because I don't like you or to Know where your kid is when they become an adult Maybe someone doesn't like their opinion on something or maybe they're about to expose some business corruption or government corruption But people know where they are at all times that seems fucked up it just seems fucked up because we can't quite track everything that everybody does i think eventually we'll be able to track everything everybody does all the time like this is radio lab show called eye in the sky what is

this the implant what does it say it says read it uh b BC optometrist sees way for a bionic lens implant. Imagine seeing three times better than 20-20 vision, even at the age of 100 or more. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. That's the future. So this Radiolab podcast called The Eye in the Sky, I think that's the name of the episode, and it's all about this technology they developed that they put on planes,

and they fly these planes overhead, and they take detailed images of everything on the ground. So they do it like click, click, click, like it's constantly, as it's flying, taking millions and millions of photos. So if something happens, what they can do is find out where it happened, when it happened, then go to the eye in the sky footage. They go to that section of the footage. They go, okay, let's take it to three 30 today. Yup. There's the car. There's the guy who gets out of the car. There's a guy getting shot. The guy gets back in the car

and drives off. Let's find out where the car goes. And they just follow the car. So they have all the images of everything that's happening. And they're going to use this in places like Iraq. And they're going to try to use this in places like Detroit and places where there's a lot of crime and a lot of violence but you know people are resisting it obviously because they're gonna they're gonna catch people doing all kinds of stuff they're gonna catch people cheating on their wives and their husbands they're gonna catch people stealing from work they're gonna catch people not going to work yeah fill in the blank you say you're here but you're there someone's gonna have access to it you said you

couldn't work because of this but we have footage of you at home it just gets weird it gets weird when someone can just find where you are all the time but it kind of seems like that's where it's going it kind of seems already there yeah pretty close almost yeah you know like my problem with like putting chips in kids is that like okay so that it'll prevent people from predators from kidnapping kids, whatever. But what if he finds where the chip is and then, like, scrapes it out? You know what I mean? Like, he could hurt the child if it's, like, implanted in their skin. That's true.

But I don't think you're going to save that kid by not having it in their skin. Well, he's just going to fuck the kid and kill him or whatever the hell he's going to do. Yeah. You know what I mean? I see what you're saying. Like someone would want to cut it out. If they could find it. What kind of person would cut an implant out of a kid is not planning on doing, you know.

Well, other than that, my intentions are completely altruistic. Right. I fucking hate chips. You know, I just have to cut the chip out of this kid. fucking hate chips. I just have to cut the chip out of this kid. You're dealing with, it's a weird privacy issue that I think eventually is going to get to the point where it's going to be a

moot point because there's going to be so much access to where everybody is all the time. It's going to be pointless. These cameras are just getting more and more HD that you'll be able to just take out your phone, take a picture and you're in line at Starbucks or whatever and somebody pulls out their credit card to pay, you'll be able to take a picture

and then just know that person's whole credit card number. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah, definitely. You're going to be able to zoom in so much. This thing is going to get more and more. The spreading of the fingers to make things bigger. Yeah.

They used that eye in the sky thing in Juarez to catch this man who had killed this female police officer that shot this female police officer or mayor or something like that, some female person in charge. And when they shot her, they followed the car back to this house and then they backed up and they were able to follow all these other cars back to the house too and it turns out this is house that was filled with uh drug cartel members and they were hit men and they would just you know run around doing murders and robbing people and they were all holed up in this one house like a fucking movie and so they just stormed the house and arrested everybody holy shit so they're trying to use it as like one of those things where they're saying that this is eventually going to be something that comes in very handy and it's going to be everywhere.

How does that eye in the sky deal with clouds? Like if it's in Ohio, it could be cloudy for a week. That's a good question. They probably fly under the crowds if possible. If not, there's probably nothing they can do. So if you're going to be a nefarious criminal, live in Ohio in the winter. Wait for a cloudy day. Yeah.

That's a good point. You could just put those chips in the kids, put them on their dick so if a kidnapper takes the baby, they're not going to ruin the best part of the baby. They're not going to cut the dick out. Oh my god. Put it in the dick hole. Best part of the baby.

Like it's already choked. They're not going to fuck up the goods. Did you think about that before you said it's already choked hard. You're not going to fuck up the good, right? Did you think about that before you said it? Did you go, this is the good thing to say right now. This is perfect. This is going to be awesome. Everyone's going to enjoy this show. Everybody thinks like me.

This is perfect. We talked briefly last night about that alien, that CIA agent guy. It's a hilarious story. It's a really interesting story. And if you listen to the interview of the supposedly this guy died, they found him in an SUV in the Pacific Palisades. And he was had been there, I guess, for four days. And what happened is his girlfriend knew that he died and thought he was a a hybrid of an alien and a CIA agent.

So she thought she better leave the body. The government knows he's dead. They'll take care of the body because he's not supposed to exist type thing. So went up to Washington. And the cops found the body. He's been there forever. They go into his house. He has millions of dollars worth of guns.

And then he also has large amounts of cash everywhere. Millions? That's what they're saying. He's been there forever. They go into his house. He has millions of dollars worth of guns. And then he also has large amounts of cash everywhere. Millions? That's what they're saying. 1,200 guns is not millions of dollars. They said last night on the news that it was a collection worth millions of dollars. Actually, it could be over a million if each gun is worth a thousand bucks, right? Well, I guess some of them are just really like antiques, like collectors and stuff like that. It's like a huge collection.

So it doesn't look like he's like was... Broke. Broke, right. Obviously. And $230,000 in cash, 14 vehicles stashed around Los Angeles. 14 vehicles registered to him, including an SUV designed to drive underwater.

Maybe that should be a red flag. He's a nut. And the SUV to drive under the water is something that this ABC7 is just blowing up a Porsche, and that's actually a common thing that you put on the bottom of SUVs so when you run over puddles, it doesn't flood out the engine. Well, sort of. You don't put

it on the bottom. It's a snorkel. It goes out the front fender. It's real common for off-road vehicles, like Land Rovers, like Defenders, those Land Rover Defenders. So that thing with the big pipe tube that comes off the side of the car. You see them in Jeeps sometimes.

Toyota Land Cruisers, a lot of times they hook those up with them. People just like it. They like the fact they could just, I could drive underwater, bitch. Play this video. I want to hear this, Jamie. 1,200 guns. That seems a little excessive. Commercial. 1,200 guns. That seems a little excessive. It's a commercial.

But what's weird is that they haven't really released a picture of him or any news, and he's had prior convictions where he's gotten off where you could only get off if you were somebody that works high up. Well, you mean arrests, not convictions. Yeah, he had a gun, I believe, at LAX or something. There's a lot of message boards that are really digging into this guy and finding all this interesting stuff. Whose names did he register all these guns under? Him. That's what it looks like. It was all somehow done. Here.

That guy sounds like his nose is clogged up. The guy was doing blow all night for sure. That's very nasal. He's drinking scotch. That guy's drinking scotch. Nice house. Really nice house.

And other wild stories that the man was a secret government agent and possibly part alien from outer space. Wait a minute, from outer space? Not Mexican? So he's really... Look at all those guns! Holy shit. He has an amazing story. A story her attorney found a bit far-fetched.

I first thought she was crazy. It sounded crazy to me. Catherine Nebron claims Lash actually died two weeks earlier on July 4th in a parking lot in Santa Monica. Nebron says she and the missing Oxnard woman, Dawn Vadbunker, tried to save his life. They worked for about three hours

trying to keep him alive. He refused 911. He didn't want to tried to save his life. They worked for about three hours trying to keep him alive. He refused 911. He didn't want to go to an emergency room. He didn't want any police, so he died there. Nebron says she then took him back to his home and left him there. She believed that he was involved in some, you know, surreptitious activities, governmental projects, whatever. And so her instructions were that if anything happened to him,

they, whatever they is, would take care of the body. They believed that they were being watched all the time. I was told they were being watched all the time. I was told our house was being watched all the time. Nebron and Bad Bunker claimed they drove to Oregon to forget about what happened. Nebron returned two weeks later and was stunned at what she found. When she got back, the body was still in the car. And that's when she decided she better call a lawyer.

Braun says when police searched the house, they found 1,200 guns, six and a half tons of ammunition, and $230,000 in cash. That bunker was found alive and well in a motel in Oregon. Meanwhile, that bunker's mother adds another twist about Jeffrey Lash. We were all told that he was half alien, half man. He was here to save the world. And he was higher than a CIA, so he was special ops for the government. Well, detectives are now working on the downed earth.

This is actually on the news. Oh, my God. And checking to see if any one of those weapons was connected to any crime. Can they at least sketch what he looks like? Yeah, they don't have any pictures of him. No pictures of him. There's no photos, but at least get a drawing. There's one drawing that looks a lot like Will Smith from Men in Black 2.

It's so stupid that all you have to do is have some guns and some cash and a stupid story, and you'll make the news. I mean, that's really what this is about. This is really about guns and cash. It's become a contest. All we know is he was involved. No, you don't know anything. This is what you know. You got guns, and you got cash, and you got a dead dude.

And because of that, everybody's getting crazy. A dead half-alien dude. Like, if he only had, like, five guns, he would be like, well, he was a gun enthusiast. And if he had 20 guns, people are like, well, what was he planning? But when you have 1,200 guns, then you're on TV. Then you make the news. And what's weird is that most gun collectors don't usually have ammo for all the weapons because they never plan on firing any of these guns.

And he had ammo for all these weapons. I don't think he was a, oh, he's suffering from late stage cancer. I don't think that's... He's a collector as far as he's... I mean, he's got all those guns, but it's not like he's got them in cases. This is Christopher Columbus's musket. Have you ever

met anybody with a last name Lash? I know, it sounds like a Terminator movie. That's not a real name. And her name was Bunker in that picture. Scroll back up to that picture, Jamie. What is it? like a Terminator movie. That's not a real name. And her name was Bunker, and that picture, like, what... Scroll back up to that picture, Jamie. What is it? No, down. Yeah.

Lash on thousands of firearms, 14 specially equipped cars, among other strange and unusual items. So what is that? Is, like, workbench in there? Yeah, and look at all the piles of cash. I mean, they're saying all the cars were specially equipped, you know, like, with weird things. So he's a nut.

He's probably one of those preppers. It's just amazing that this could actually become a story just because he has cash. Now they're going to make a movie out of it. Yeah. Are they? And who's going to play Lash? This is probably already a movie, right? Christian Bale.

He's going to play him. It's going to be like an ironic comedy. No, you know who they're going to get? What's it do with the cleft palate? Joaquin Phoenix. He's going to play him. It's going to be like an ironic comedy. No, you know who they're going to get? What's it do with the cleft palate? Joaquin Phoenix? He's going to do it. He's going to play it like that. Vin Diesel.

I'll be bloated cook dead guy number two for the car scene. Did you see his dumb movie? That movie that everybody was telling you that was really good? The Joaquin Phoenix movie? It was very strange. Some recent movie that he did, like real absurdist strange movie. Her? Joaquin Phoenix. No, it wasn't her.

Yeah. Yeah, it was like a, I watched, I was like halfway into it and I was like, get the fuck out of here. Didn't the girl get in trouble? Kind of because she was playing an Asian and she's white. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, that's the Emma Stone Aloha movie. I don't think that's it. It was a movie about, I don't even know what it was about. It, that's the Emma Stone Aloha movie. I don't think that's it. It was a movie about...

I don't even know what it was about. It was just a ridiculous movie. I think it was a private investigator or something. Halfway into the movie, I shut it off. I was like, I can't even do this. I never do that. I almost always watch a movie all the way to the end. Do you ever leave a movie theater?

I get up and fucking walk. That Get Hard movie. Get Hard was bad? Not one Will Ferrell movie that I have turned off halfway through. That movie was horrible. Kevin Hart and Will Ferrell. Kevin Hart. Oh, really?

Horrible. Kevin Hart kills it as a comedian. Just kills it. He's killing it on the road. He's on the cover of Rolling Stone now, I think. But a lot of people don't like his movies. I don't know what that's about. It's just not good.

It's just not good They're just not good Is he do you think he's doing too many movies does he just just jamming them in there like whatever they come with money that? They think is gonna sell I don't think I've ever seen a Kevin Hart movie So I can only have that one the judge I think it's because he's a he doesn't turn down his volume You know he's always on like level 10. That's what it bothers you. I don't know I don't know if I've seen a Kevin Hart movie You know, but I'm just assuming that he's always that way, you know?

With the high energy. Inherent Vice. That's the name of the movie. A lot of people told me it was amazing. Like, this is such a cool movie. And I was halfway into it. I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. What are you doing to me? You fucks. It's a good poster, though. Oh, it's

stylistically a very cool movie. And I love that dude. They get you with the poster, though. Oh, it's stylistically a very cool movie. And I love that dude. They get you with the poster, man. They can do that. Like, all the residuals from this movie should go to the graphic designer for this poster. And the people put together the trailer. Not the writers or the producers, you know? Yeah.

But it never goes that way. Well, it's got this 1960s vibe to it or 1970s vibe to it. It's just a very strange movie. Just didn't get into it. So you're on Girl Code? I'm on Girl Code. What do you do for that? What does that involve?

Being a talking head. So it's like one of those things where things play in the news and you comment on it? Well, they don't do the news. They just give you topics. Oh, okay. Yeah. And how often do you do that? Well, they don't do the news. They just give you topics. Oh, okay. Yeah. And how often do you do that? Well, I did it like once a month when I did it.

Yeah? But yeah, I'm not doing it anymore. Stopped? Yeah. How come? Stopped. I was like, I've had enough. You got bored?

Really? I've had enough of you guys dressing me up like I'm a 14-year-old girl. Is that what they did? Yeah. For real? Yeah. For real? Yeah, like I would have like bows in my hair and stuff. Oh, shit. What is that?

That's racist, right? Well, they would like make all of us look like that. All the girls? Oh, there's a creep behind the scenes. Well, I mean, not like all of them, but maybe some of them. Any black chicks work there? No. Didn't have any black girls?

No diversity on Girl Code? Like behind the scenes, no. But not- The but talent the talent yes yes did they make the talent the black girls wear like bows in their hair and dress like they're 12 um i don't know you don't know you should know i should know right if they did it to you why were they doing it to you i don don't know. Did you ask them? No, no, no. Just quit. Fuck this. I hate these clothes. No, it was fun because it taught me how to just go off the cuff and make up a joke on the spot, you know? But I don't know. So they would give you a subject in advance, like Kanye West getting married to Kim Kardashian?

No, they'd be like boners. Boners. You know? Or like Kanye West getting married to Kim Kardashian. No, like boners. Boners. You know? Or like one night stands or, you know. Yeah, vacations, stuff like that. Do you have strong opinions about boners or vacations? What was your DPDs? What's your dams?

Hold on, one question at a time, please. That's on your podcast, right? We don't bring that here. What? DPD. Her dams per day. What? His perverted question that here. What? DPD. Her dams per day. What? His perverted question that he asks everybody on his show. I don't even know

what you're talking about. How many times a day does she get damped if she were to check every Damp? How many times you get damp? Yeah. Every 30 minutes. That's what he asks. Don't you think that everybody listening would want to know what you're talking about? That's what I just said. It took a long time to get that out of you guys. I know. So they give you like a subject like boners

or something like that and they give you time to write? Or do you just have to riff? They give you time to write and then you can riff also. So they email them to you or something and you show up? Those are weird shows because they don't pay you anything, right? Well, yeah, I know. Compared to like, I make more money doing stand-up.

Well, that's kind of common on those cable shows But it seems like those shows like they revolve almost entirely on the input provided by the comedians I mean, that's like pretty much the whole show. We're writing. It's such a cheap show to make yeah, because we're writing everything But we don't get a writer's credit. You don't get a writer's credit and I really don't get paid very much And that's the whole show. It's not like they're selling. It's a wildlife show. And occasionally Esther come on and talk about boners. No, the entire show is about people's opinions on stuff.

Right. Right. You know, it's like the 80s. Like they have those VH1 shows. It's like that kind of stuff. I love the 2000s. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, basically they show clips, you know, that splice in between people talking about cherry pie or something like that. That's really what the whole show is. But yet, the people that do it, they don't get paid that much. It's one of those little sneaky things. They just figure it out. Yeah, they get you, and then somebody makes a lot of money.

Like Byron Allen. You know? And that Byron Allen comics unleashed with Byron Allen. The whole show is Byron Allen talking to comedians. And they, hey, Esther, I understand you like zoos. And you'll just start talking about the zoo. I know. Can you make it sound like he's not forcing it so much?

No, it's all forced. It's all forced. And no one gives a fuck. But that's the whole show. But he sells that show. And Byron Allen, like, grew up around show business. Like, his mom worked for David Letterman. Or no, not David.

Johnny Carson. Oh, wow. So his mom would clean his office, and he would see the whole taping, and he'd be a little kid standing there, like six years old, watching Johnny Carson say hi to him in the parking lot, and then go on stage and make the magic happen. That's probably why he does it old school like that. Yeah.

Because that's who he watched every day. Don't you think when you watch a talk show today, like if you watch like anyone, Fallon or any of these new talk shows, it seems so weird to me that no one can move away from the desk.

You have to have a fucking desk and pretend like you're working in an office and right next to you, in the most awkward way possible Has to be someone sitting in a chair next to the desk. Yeah, why is it made to look like an office? It's so strange wouldn't be couches be better bed It's kind of like a doctor's office or something like you're sitting next to a receptionist. It's like you don't even face them It's the weirdest way to have a conversation It's like if we were the cameras were here where is, and you and I would be talking like this.

That's literally how we would be doing the show. We'll be right back. And the camera's facing you, and you go sideways. Who's the first talk show host who had a desk set up on his stage? Well, probably Par, Jack Par, who was before. Is that who it was? That was before, is that who it was? Maybe Jack Par didn't like wearing pants, and he just wanted to cover his lower body. Who do you think was the original talk show host on TV?

Who do you want to say? What was the original television talk show? I have no idea. I'll go with Jack Par. That sounds good. Yeah, I don't even know if that's his real name. Steve Allen? Steve Allen was a big one for a while. I'll go with Jack Parr. That sounds good. Yeah, I don't even know if that's his real name. Late Night Talk Show. Steve Allen was a big one for a while.

Late Night Talk Show, Wikipedia. All right, let's go with history. United States, 40s. Whoa, 40s. Okay. So they had radio ones. So they had these old-time radio shows. But they didn't have the two chairs and set up.

Ed Sullivan. A TV show. Ed Sullivan might have been one of the first ones. Right. That aired on, whoa, Jesus Christ. Ed Sullivan, originally known as Toast of the Town, which aired on CBS Sunday nights from 1948 to 1971. Holy shit, did you know that?

I had no idea. Jesus Christ. 23 years? That's insane. 33? That's insane. 23 years. Wait, 48 to?

To doing the math. Yeah. To 70 what? 71. 23 years. 71. 23 years. Milton Berle also hosted a show in 1940.

23, Michael Jordan. Milton Berle had one in 48 on NBC. These shows aired once a week in the evening time slots that would come to known as prime time. The first show to air on late night was Broadway Open House. It aired on NBC in 1950 in 1950 was canceled a year later Not enough people own television sets to make a late-night television series worthwhile Whoa the first version of The Tonight Show starring Steve Allen, so he was the first 1954 on NBC. I wonder if that was 11 o'clock at night, too

Hmm the show created many modern talk show staples. I bet you it was earlier. Yeah, maybe. Do you think people went to bed earlier back in the day? Yeah, probably. Or did they go to sleep later? I would think they went to bed earlier. Earlier.

They didn't have to wake up. Because they wouldn't have electricity. That's true. They had electricity to watch TV. They were watching TV on by candlelight. There was more farmers. They had to go to bed when it got dark. There weren't streetlights yet.

So this says that Steve Allen created it all. It says the show created many modern talk show staples, including the opening monologue, celebrity interviews, audience participation, comedy bits, and musical performances. By this point, the Federal Communications Commission had lifted a freeze on new television stations, which allowed new stations to pop up across the country, and television adoption soon grew exponentially. As a result, unlike Broadway Open House, The Tonight Show proved to be a resounding success.

Huh. What the fuck was that like? Pull up a video on The Tonight Show with Steve Allen from, like, the earliest you could find. No wonder Byron Allen got his job. He's like in the family at Allen. Well, he also found one of those niches where you could kind of sell a show like that. Like that's what I was kind of saying is that those shows, it doesn't cost much to make them. It's like somebody who writes a book that's all stories written by other people.

Exactly. But they're like, but I put it together. I put it in a book. And I'm going to make all the money. And my name's like, I'm on as an author. I mean, that kind of is the exact show. The whole show is people doing their acts. You know, I mean, literally, it's you're doing.

I know, it's a rip off. It's so rip off. It's like if you were singing songs that you wrote and then they sold the CDs. You'd be like, what the fuck? Right. But that's what they're doing. I mean, these people are creating these bits. They have them. Then they go, so I understand you got a two-year-old kid.

Man, having a two-year-old is tough, Byron. Then it's, and they do the bit. And then everyone in class, we'll be right back. Here's some commercials we sold based on this guy's material. But they all are there selling something. But has any comedian ever like... From 1963. He plays the bicycle

and his name is Frank Zappa. Look at this. Frank Zappa? Is that Frank Zappa? The guy on the left, that is Frank Zappa. Wow. He's so skinny. Do you play any other musical instrument, anything more conventional perhaps?

Guitar, vibes, bass, and drums. Guitar, vibes, bass, drums, and bicycle. That bicycle will travel from his bass to his drums to his guitar. How did you happen to pick up your first bicycle? I was discussing this before with some of the people backstage. I believe that a lot of the people have actually played bicycles from time to time. Bicycles? When they're young, they take a piece of cardboard and a clothespin and attach it to the rear wheel,

and when it goes around, it makes that noise, and you're playing a bicycle then. Oh, I see. You mean when they pretend they have a little motor and make it sound like a motorbike. Yes, we've all done that. Well, is that what you do? You make a motorbike noise? I see a couple of bikes over here. Perhaps we'd better go over and demonstrate and show them what you do. What the fuck were people entertained by back then?

I understand you drove a bicycle. Well, here we are, friends. Stereo bikes. So Zappa's playing musical instruments on the bikes? What year is this again? 1963. There's two clips that were a little earlier, but you couldn't see it. This is after Kennedy was killed?

Does Louis know what you're doing with him? How crazy is that? How long did it take them to make those microphones that clip onto your shirt? He's like holding the microphone back and forth. I know, and it's a stupid looking microphone. Look how dumb that microphone looks. Looks like a corn dog. You know, like how many years did he go holding the microphone like that?

That's what they did. They had to do it back and forth. They had to hand it back and forth. Until somebody invented the lavalier mic. Yeah. They couldn't run two microphones at the same time, blow fuses, start fires. Is he going to play violin and ride two microphones at the same time, blow fuses, start fires. Is he going to play violin and ride a bike at the same time? He's laughing.

Are you talking to me? Yeah, do you want to skip ahead to the music? Yeah, sure. The world's greatest... Are you talking to me? Yeah, do you want to skip ahead to the music? Yeah, sure. What is this? Oh, he's playing the bicycle wires. Like a violin. Yeah. That's one of the sounds that you can hear.

Frank Zappa was weird as fuck. Even in 1963, when he was buttoned up with a tie and a suit, he was weird as fuck. When I first started smoking weed, that was the first music I would listen to. Me and my friends would just sit in our car and smoke and listen to Zappa.

I listened to Zappa way before that, before I was smoking weed. I listened to Zappa because I had a friend, my friend Tommy, when I lived, shit, I think I lived in Florida. My friend, yeah, it was Florida. My friend Tommy's dad was a real freak. He was a weird dude, and he had a Saab. I remember he was the first guy that I ever met that had a Saab. Like S-A-A-B, one of those cars.

Those guys are freaks. Well, back then it was weird. Like, yeah, the key was on the ground, like on the floor. Like, what is this? This car is so weird. It was a really old Saab. Now I don't know if I've ever been in a Saab. Shit.

Because this was the 1970s. But he was a fucking gigantic Zappa head, this guy. And he would play Zappa for me and for his son. Interesting music, because it was really great to listen to with, like, headphones on, because there was so much noises and sounds going on. Yeah.

So when I was a young pothead, that's all I would do is, like, it felt like tripping. You're still a young pothead, Brian. No, he's not young anymore, but he's definitely still a pothead. But, you know, like, those, like, if you listen to, like, old Hendendrix and you hear like different sounds going back and forth across the like the

field of sound like when you have the headphones on they go left and right and right and left that's the coolest shit that's what you i graduated to after zappa yeah that was like what they figured out how to do they didn't figure out how to do that until like the 60s right jamie you know you're a sound engineer stuff going back and forth and back and forth like what they figured out how to do. They didn't figure out how to do that until like the 60s, right? Jamie, you know. You're a sound engineer. Stereo stuff. Going back and forth and back and forth.

Like the shit like, you know that long pause in Whole Lotta Love where everything gets really weird. It sounds like a normal song and then it's just weird moaning and fuck noises and strange cymbals and stuff for like a minute and a half. You know that? Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that was happening with Zeppelin because they were using magnetic tape and storage caused, like if the tape was wound too tightly, it would get tape bleed. And five seconds before, that's kind of how these weird reverb things

and weird delays would happen, sort of like that. There'd be weird screaming. It would be a previous take on a vocal track. Because of the way it was stored, it would end up 30 seconds later or a minute later

on another part of the song and it just sounded so cool. They just kind of left that kind of stuff in. Really? Instead of recording it over or doing it all over again. Really?

Accidents would just happen. They'd leave them in. That's amazing. I've never heard that before. So it's magnetic bleed. Yeah, tape bleed. Wow. Cool.

Esther Cooley learns new shit every day. Kind of like when a movie, an old movie, has all the fucked up films, you know, from like deterioration and water damage and stuff like that. Well, whenever they want to show you like an educational film, a pretend education, like if it's a movie, like a horror movie, and they show an educational film from the 1950s, it always has those crack holes and pops and those weird little artifacts and stuff across the screen. Not anymore, kids. Those are cute. Yeah, not anymore, though.

Like magazine ads from the 50s are so cute. Aren't they? They're kind of cute. And the fact that people were like dumb kids back then. It's weird that your parents were like dumb kids. They're just so simple that you're just like, wow, that's of cute. And the fact that people were like dumb kids back then. It's weird that your parents were like dumb kids. They're just so simple that you're just like, wow, that's so cute. You know, like vintage advertisements. For like Sears or Woolworths or an iron, you know?

Selling to the housewives in the 50s. Basic. Yeah. Basic bitches. People were just dumber back then. Yeah, women were just uneducated. Well, everyone was. Not just uneducated. It's just dumber back then. Yeah, women were just uneducated. Well, everyone was.

Not just uneducated. But they knew how to do laundry and get grease out of aprons and shit. They barely knew that. To this day, they don't know that. How to bake apple pie. Bake apple pies. Jesus Christ, Esther. What the fuck are you talking about? You know?

Bake lemon meringue pie. I think they'd still bake pies. Last I checked. That's still common. Do you cook, Esther? I do cook. What do you cook? I make curry carrot soup.

Curry carrot soup? Yeah. Have you ever made that? No. Super easy to do. Is that an all vegetarian thing? It is, yeah. You just boil some carrots and some onions and garlic and then put it in the food processor.

And you've got soup. That doesn't seem like cooking. It's like you just smash some food together. You're juicing. You're juicing soup in. No, that's cooking. That's like me saying I cook a tail shake. I also cook lamb.

You cook lamb? You cook lamb. I make lamb. I like making orange marmalade glazed lamb. Lamb's a weird one. Lamb's a weird one because it's a baby. Nobody thinks about that. I don't like the taste of it too much. I'm going to stop making lamb. It's a baby.

I mean, it is. I guess you forget that it's a baby. Nobody ever talks about it like that that's why we have a name for it you know like you don't call uh a cow cow you call it beef you know chicken nobody gives a fuck about chickens so you can call it chicken you know nobody has nobody feels bad for chickens you can just call it a chicken you don't have to call it some exotic poultry name you know but like lamb is the name that you have. Because they have such a tiny head, chickens. That's why we don't care about them?

The smaller the brain, the less we care about them, I think. Hmm. That's interesting. Maybe. We didn't have lamb growing up because it was a religious thing. My mom was against it because the lamb was very biblical, she would always say. So I never ate lamb growing up.

Really? Do you eat it now? I don't like it. I taste it. I don't know if it's just me going, yeah, man. So I never ate lamb growing up. Really? Do you eat it now? I don't like it. I taste it. I don't know if it's just me going, yeah, man. You just never had it. No, lamb's delicious if it's prepared right. I mean, the idea behind it is that it doesn't have tough muscle.

Like, you know that mousse that I cooked the other day that I had on my Instagram? That's not the most tender meat. Like, you have to cook it right. Otherwise, it could be kind of tough and chewy. It because it's muscle you got to broil it no honestly the best way to do it really is stewing it stewing is probably the best way to deal with like the tougher cuts of meat like a slow leave it on for an hour and a half no no many hours you leave it off like five or six hours and do it in one like one of those crock pots. You know? Yeah. You know, those pressure cookers. Yeah, just leave it on.

Yeah, it's not that hot and it just stays going all day and it breaks down all the tissue and anything that's tough. It makes it so that you can chew through it easy. So it becomes really, really tender. But if you broil it. I've never had mousse. What does it taste like? It tastes like a cow fucked a deer.

A little gamey. No. Yeah no yeah no it's not gamey that word gamey is a weird word what is that what's not usually it means it's just been poorly prepared that someone either didn't take care of the meat correctly or they let the tarsal glands leak onto the flesh like when uh when you especially when you get game animals like a deer When they're when they're being hunted a lot of times. They're being hunted while they're breeding. That's when what's called the rut That's when people hunt them is which is in November. You know in the fall rather And they have a gland on their legs called a tarsal gland Especially deer if you get that stuff on the meat it'll be funky as fuck it stinks It smells weird, and it'll make the food taste weird. It stuff on the meat, it'll be funky as fuck. It stinks. It smells weird.

It'll make the food taste weird. It'll ruin the meat. Ugh. Yeah, it can. Another thing that can ruin the meat is just letting it sit out too long, letting it go bad. Or bugs. Or it could get exposed to the organ meat, the rotting organ meat before, while it's too warm, like that can happen, you know. There's a lot of things that can go wrong, but most of it is preparation.

If you have deer that's prepared right, if you get an animal that's taken care of correctly, butchered correctly, it doesn't taste gamey at all. It tastes delicious. It definitely tastes different, but as they get older, they get funkier. Like you get like a real old buck, you know. That's why it's kind of weird that everybody wants to shoot the big old ones with the giant antlers. Because those are the ones that kind of taste like shit. You want a young deer. For food, yeah.

You want a young deer. But for conservation, you kind of want an old deer. Because the old deer runs off the young deer and keeps them from breeding. Because the old deer runs off the young deer and keeps them from breeding. And maybe the young deer may be better if we got more of them young genetics into the food system there, into the life cycle there, you know? Yeah. So these deer, how long do they, how old is an old deer, you know? An old, old deer, like how many years? Eight years old.

Eight years old is really old. That's so young. What a short life they have. Well, their life is just jumping over barbed wire and dodging coyotes. It's a great life. Unless you live in one of those areas that has a deer sign where you might get hit by a car. A good majority of them either freeze to death or starve to death. That happens a lot.

Aw. I wouldn't say majority, but a good percentage. Most of them get taken out by predators. Most of them. Or cars. They get hit by cars a lot. The numbers that get killed by hunters, I wonder what the number is. Is it lower than cars?

In some places, for sure. In some places, there's hundreds of thousands of deaths of deer killed by cars every year. I think in, like, Michigan. Find out how many deer killed by car accidents in Michigan. There's places in this country that are overrun with deer. Like, people that live in, like, Manhattan go, leave those deer alone, they're beautiful. You know what? In college, a deer crashed through the dorm window in my dorm. Whoa.

Yeah. Were you guys doing something there? No, it was Easter weekend. And we woke up on a Sunday. And it was so creepy because everybody went home for Easter weekend, except for a few kids. So I was one of them. And we wake up and go downstairs, and there's blood all over the lobby of our dorm. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. And, and like this deer just jumped in yeah that shit happens my friend cam uh some guy died in his neighborhood because he was

driving home and the car in front of him hit a deer car in front of him hit a deer the deer went over the roof of that guy's car and crashed through his windshield and killed him. Holy shit. Yeah. What the fuck? We need deer-proof windows. Well, if you're dealing with a big deer, you're dealing with at least 150 pounds

of bones and meat. Oh, God. 2013. Look at this. This number is going to blow you away. Holy shit. 2013, there were 49,205 reported car-deer crashes in the state of Michigan. What the fuck? Oh, my God. That translates into one car-deer crash every nine minutes.

Wow. These crashes are at least $130 million a year. Oh, my God. In Ohio, I had those whistles on my car. I'd always make sure that was the first thing I put on my car is those deer whistles on my car. Those are good, but they don't always work. We need one of those goddamn battering ram bumpers. You ever see those bumpers that they make just for deer?

In places where people live when they run into deer so often, they actually have bumpers that ever see those bumpers that they make just for deer in places where people live when they run into deer so often they actually have bumpers that are designed to they're like the front of them has like an angle so if they hit the deer the deer goes flying off the sides yeah yeah those are those are those are pretty good ones the one the far right not that one jamie not that one the one yeah look at that one look at that one had the deer Not that one. The one. Yeah, look at that one. Look at that one. It had a deer stuck in it. Oh, God. Boom. That's crazy. Ouch.

That's fucked up. But for semi-trucks, it's a huge problem because obviously they drive. The one down there. Keep going. Right there. Right there. That's it. See how it's all over the top?

It's over the top of the hood and everything as well. That's just in case the thing comes up and over the top of the hood that it doesn't crush the hood and disable the engine. But most of them are designed so that when it hits a thing, it bounces them off the left or the right. It's a huge problem in a lot of areas. To protect the car. Exactly.

Wow. To protect the car. It looks cool. But the deer gets mangled in there. Deer's fucked. You still have to stop. You stop, you pull it out, you go about your business. Yeah, do you have to do that or is there somebody you could call to do that?

Because I'm not going to want to do that. You could call a tow truck company. I'm sure you could call someone to do it if you paid them. I'm sure someone would do it, but it's not that hard. You just drive off. What if you're trying to get Wi-Fi and get on Craigslist looking for somebody to remove deer from my dashboard? I'm on 95 exit 18.

I think the people that don't live anywhere around those animals would never imagine that there's 49,000 car accidents in a year in a fucking state where cars hit deer. But if you're ever around Michigan, you would know. I think this should be Trump's new platform. Let's lower the amount of crashes caused by deer. Forget about the Mexicans. He needs to focus on something else right now. He's number one Why does he need to focus on anything? You know what it seems to me? I don't know anything about politics, but what it seems to me on the outside not knowing anything about it It seems to me like everybody else is laying back

They're waiting and they're letting Donald just jizz Just letting Donna get out there and fucking jerk off and make all this noise No one's no other Republicans are being loud. Like Jeb Bush is being very quiet. No one's opposing him. That's their plan. Just let him like act like a fool. Chris Christie, that guy, he goes on the news and all he does is talk about pot.

You know, if you're, if you're enjoying, what he's trying to do is trying to not be president. do is trying to not be president. I think that slob has like some crazy criminal fucking skeletons in his closet from shit that he did in New Jersey that's completely not kosher. And he just like if he becomes president, all that shit's gonna leak out. So I think he's trying to ruin it now

by like saying, if you're smoking pot in Colorado, enjoy it now because when I'm president, all that stuff he's saying, like why would you say stuff like that? You know what popular opinion is. Popular opinion is Colorado's making millions of dollars a year in tax revenue. They have the lowest incidence of drunk driving they've ever reported. They have lower incidence than in violent crime they've had in a long fucking time.

And a lot of this is attributed to marijuana. So a rational fucking person looking at that would say, well, look, it's good money for the state. Even if you're conservative, what do you want? You want more tax revenue so we can hire more cops, more fire people, more teachers. That's like what a conservative person would look at it. Like, this is a smart way to do it. This is fiscally prudent.

But no, that's slob. Not in my state. Fucking bagels falling out of his face. You know how there's an age limit on who could run for president? There should be a weight limit. No, because you could be a giant and be awesome. Like what if you're like some 7 foot 2 dude who weighs 500 pounds? Okay, how about body fat

percentage? We would never let that happen. If there was a 7 foot 2 dude with a giant fucking fire hydrant dick and he wanted to be president and he was smart in every way, we'd be like, mmm. How would we know his dick was that busy every time he talks every time he talks he would do like a john ham photo shoot well he just stands there and he's got this giant wad in his pants and everybody's like i think i mean it's got it look at the size of them and they just assume

i don't think big guys have big dicks someone knows more than we do oh is that your ratio i mean have you noticed? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just guessing. Because it just wouldn't, it just wouldn't, it wouldn't, you know, because they already have the height. So it just wouldn't be fair for them to have a big dick and height.

Oh, that's cute. So you think the world's fair? How come antelopes don't have guns? How come lions have giant heads and huge teeth and antelopes don't have guns this is not a fair world we're living in how dare you doesn't make any sense yeah I always I've seen I've seen short guys with big dick so I just assumed that tall guys must have small dick well that's good math you should probably you know she probably work for the government see I would think

everything's proportional to most parts. So if you're a big, tall guy with big, big feet, you probably have a bigger dick than a normal four-inch guy. Yeah, you're not thinking that well. That doesn't make any sense. To me, it makes sense. To you, it makes sense. Well, as long as it makes sense to you. See, that means that you have fucked a couple big, tall guys, and both of them, their dicks weren't as long as it makes sense to you See that means that you have fucked a very Couple big tall guys and both of them Their dicks weren't as big as you wanted

And you're projecting it on that No I saw a tall guy With a small penis one time One time Yeah and I'm basing it all on that one time One time I saw a Chinese dude With a black girlfriend So I'm basing all Chinese dudes

date black girls. I get what you're saying. I think all Asian girls have small vaginas. Like, like lengthwise. Yeah, but that's,

that's a actual stereotype. It's like black guys having big dicks. That's a stereotype. You're not going out on a limb there. But to say that giant dudes

have little dicks, that's, that doesn't make sense. That's going out on a limb. I guess I've just always avoided giant dudes because I thought that they had little dicks. Maybe doesn't make sense. That's going out of line. I guess I've just always avoided giant dudes because I thought... That they had little dicks?

Maybe. How ironic. No. That's so stupid. Oh, my God. That is so ridiculous. I love being stupid. How long are you going to be in L.A. for?

Till Saturday. You got gigs out here? What are you doing? Where can people see you? I'm doing the comedy union today, but are you going to be in L.A. for? Until Saturday. You got gigs out here? What are you doing? Where can people see you? I'm doing the comedy union today, but is this going to go on today? This is going on right now. Oh, hey! It comes to the comedy union.

What is the comedy union? It's a comedy club. Where's it at? I don't know. I've got to look it up. It's here in Los Angeles. Have you heard of it? It's the black comedy club.

Oh, you do black rooms. I do black rooms. Do you have black comedy that you do specifically for these African American rooms? Or does it like you just do your own act? No, I just do my act. Do you do a lot of these African American rooms? Stop calling him African American. Am I supposed to call him urban?

It's just, yeah. I'm trying to be politically correct. Well, don't be. They're just, yeah, I'm trying to be politically correct. Well, don't be. They're just, yeah, I do a lot. I do a lot in New York. I do a lot of black rooms in New York. So it's cool to be able to do one out here. Okay.

You know? Why do you do a lot of them? Do you just enjoy it? Because they're just so. Do you do it well there? They're so fun. They're so fun? Yeah.

It's just, you feel like you're just like riding waves of laughter you know non-stop like they just laugh harder they definitely do but they also they get bored of you quick which is good because it just makes you better you know chris rock said that once that he did a show with martin lawrence and then he realized that he had been doing too many white rooms he's like white people are too patient. Like he did a black show with Martin Lawrence and Martin Lawrence killed and he had to go on after Martin Lawrence. He was like, oh, snap. Shit, I better get back to the black room.

Because Martin Lawrence in the 1990s was a fucking monster. A lot of people don't know him. He's one of those guys. I've never seen him. He's one of those guys. A lot of people, they sleep on him now because he kind of got a little bit, he had some issues with mental health and the law. I remember there was like, he was running around with a wetsuit on and yelling at people or something. Remember that?

He was like dehydrated. They were saying he was dehydrated and saying a bunch of nutty shit. And they pulled him in for some sort of a, you know, they ran some tests on him. They wanted to find out what the hell's wrong with him. Then he kind of faded off and did some movies, but he kind of stopped doing stand-up until recently. Yeah, I forgot all about him. Just started doing it again, though.

Remember, he was at the store a few weeks ago. Oh, cool. He was, like, doing the main room. I didn't get a chance to see it, though, but I heard it was good. He was fucking awesome. When I was starting out, though, in the 90s, I used to have to go on after him at the comedy store.

Damn. Oh, my God. I ate dick going on after him. I ate dick when I went on after him during this era, during the You So Crazy era. I love that. An extremely funny film. He's one of those guys that got banned from MTV, too. Didn't he?

He got banned for some of the things that he said. He made jokes about tampons or something like that he said. He was like, something like made jokes about tampons or something like that. And that was, Kurt Loder was like, enough. Enough. When they banned Dice Clay.

Remember they banned Dice Clay for deuce jokes? Yeah. Enough. Now they have whole episodes on tampons on MTV. Of course they do. Kurt Loder, where's he at? I don't know.

He's just trying to be a respectable record store guy. You know? Those guys that were like the DJs of, they were like a respectable record store guy. Those guys that were the DJs, they were the cool record store clerks. They kind of knew what was good and what was not good. They were cool DJ guys that actually could pick and choose the music they liked. The old days, when I used to

listen to radio when I was a kid, DJs were stars. I know. A DJ is the first famous person I met. Wasn't it a DJ like... No, like a radio... Like the oldies channel guy. Who was the first one you met? It was Dick Biondi.

And he was a DJ for the Chicago oldies radio station. He's a famous guy? Well, to me, he was famous. He was famous on the air in Chicago? Yeah. He was like, Dick B on the air in Chicago? Yeah. Like, he was like, Dick Biondi's forgotten the oldies. That's funny.

That's him? There's Dick. Yeah, I went to a mattress store to meet Dick Biondi. He does look exactly like Zappa. That's hilarious. He looks like Zappa from the Steve Allen show. Oh, my God, he does. That's hilarious.

He was a lot older than that. Well, that was drawn before cameras were invented. Yeah, they used to be able to pick the music. So those guys were the cool guys. I loved him because I was like, I love everything he picks. He's picking Sam Cooke and the Beach Boys and

the Carpenters. I thought it was awesome. They used to really play records. They used to actually play the record. There was at one point in time the DJ was the guy laying the needle down think about that they used to pick you would hear mistakes probably oh yeah I'm sure sound you know dude when I was a kid you would listen to the radio and you would hear a fucking record skip it would happen all the time it would happen all the time like once every

couple months or something like that, someone would be playing Whole Lotta Love or whatever, and whole lotta, whole lotta, whole lotta, whole lotta. That's kind of cool. And no one would catch it for like a minute or so, and you would be like working, like being on a construction site going, what the fuck? Jesus Christ, get it right, you fucks.

Yelling at them, and then finally someone would correct it. You went on like a bathroom break and just let the record like repeat for like three minutes maybe. Probably cigarettes. You know. They probably smoking cigarettes in the buildings back then. Oh yeah totally in the buildings. Remember Greg Fitzsimmons telling about his parents smoking cigarettes in the house in the middle of the winter.

All the windows rolled up solid tight and he's just living as a little kid in this house filled with chain smokers. That's how my best friend growing up, his parents, and I just stayed at his house every single day. In the cars, they would have the windows rolled up in the cars during rain. That's the thing about those talk shows, too. They all used to smoke cigarettes on the talk show. They'd all be sitting there.

Like, Johnny Carson used to smoke cigarettes. See if you can find a video of that because it's so weird to watch. Johnny Carson smoking cigarettes on The Tonight Show. It'd be like guests would be there and he would have an ashtray right there. And they would just. Now when weed is legalized in all 50 states, then we'll just be smoking weed on The Tonight Show. No, because you hot box people. You know, like that gig in toronto then wear

a mask you know how about you don't smoke weed in front of you how about you have an edible or smoke outside you know what i mean like some host will just be smoking weed yeah well could you imagine if you were in a bar and the other people drinking got you drunk that'd be fucked right that's what it's like with weed the other people getting high literally get you high like secondhand high is real is it like i always wondered because i swear to god i read something once where they said no once it's in your mouth and it's totally everything that you're blowing out is absorbed uh for weed that's not true it's not no definitely not that you know it's proof positive is that goddamn Toronto room.

Yeah, exactly. That's the only reason I believe it. Dude, people have gone up that were stone cold sober and they got hot boxed in that Toronto room. People have been in this podcast studio and got hot boxed. I think Sagura got hot boxed. I'm pretty sure Greg got hot boxed, too. Yeah, you get hot boxed. Hot box is real. Anybody that says it's not, you haven't done any tests. Yeah, they're liars

We always used to clam bake growing up. We believed it growing up. I like how it McNeil is drunk Jake Elrich senior on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson play this I Hear these guys talking back then look at Johnny Look at this They're both smoking. well if the fifth amendment is not good law if we are to be called criminals because we use it well now let's take it out of the constitution let's get rid of it what's the fifth amendment recall history or the reading of history, rather. Any guesses? Let's take a guess.

Right to bear arms. You can't tell on people. No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous crime unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury. Kill that. No person. Unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury. Kill that. Unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury accepting cases arising in the land

or naval forces or militia. Huh. I'm not sure I understand what that means. That's not a good one. Pleading the fifth means you're not supposed to talk, right? You plead the fifth. Right, yeah. You don't have to talk.

That's what it is. Protects a person against being compelled to a witness stand. Okay, himself or herself in a criminal case. How weird is that? That we have a law like that. Or itself. Yeah. Was that like if you're a

non-gender specific person? If you're half alien. Oh, but he's still a dude. He was banging that chick. Right? Maybe. That's why she was sticking around dude. He was banging that chick. Right? Maybe. That's why she was sticking around. Maybe it was a tentacle. That's why she came back.

See if he came back to life again. Bring that dick back. I want a social security number for Jeffrey Lash. What a weird thing it is that you can say, I don't want to testify. Like, Esther, you know, we caught you with a kilo of cocaine and you got a gun. And how do you plead? I plead the fifth. You don't have to talk.

And then they decide whether or not you're guilty. Look at what a great country we live in, folks. That just seems very bizarre. That seems very bizarre that you shouldn't have to. It's like you can't even use that in relationships, you know? Like whose underwear is this, you know? I plead the fifth. Who the fuck was here, you know?

You can, because you kind of have the court of your own life. It's just, it's not going to fly. Most people are going to go, they're going to bang that mallet. Order! Order in the court. Whose fucking underwear is this? Again. Put a gun to your head.

There's no fifth in this house. I plead the fifth. That's a weird thing to be able to do. Like, if you got caught with a dead body, you don't have to talk. And then they decide whether or not you're guilty. But that doesn't ever really hold up in court, does it? Of course it does. Fifth.

Fifth. I plead the fifth. Yeah, it holds up in court. Yeah, that's an amendment to the Constitution. I don't know if you can be compelled to testify i don't there's there are times where you can be compelled to answer i don't know no you can just sit there and say nothing and be put in a hole yeah i guess so right there must be some stenographers who have just written plead the fifth to every question that they've asked i'm sure well that's why like when suge knight gets arrested he falls down

falls down pretends he's blacking out. Like, that's what he does. Like, whenever they, like, say, like, he's getting sentenced, the bill bails 10 million bucks. He collapses. Like, so they have to

take him out of there and then they have to take him to the infirmary and they have to, you know... He starts breathing hard. I think it's better to be in medical care than it is to be in the cell.

It must be. So if you're smart, every time they sentence you, you just fucking have a seizure. Just fall down. Make your nose bleed. You don't have to even show them. Just fall down.

Just, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Just fall down. Just fall down. Say you're weak. I'm blacking out. They can't prove you're not blacking out, so they have to take you to the doctor and take care of you.

Oh, what a great idea. I love falling down. He's a dude who's been around the block. What a great idea. I love falling down. He's a dude who's been around the block. What a great idea. I love falling down. I read a book on how to prevent osteoporosis and there was an entire chapter on how not to fall down. What?

Yeah, because So what do they say? What's the advice? They say walk slowly and fall down. They said it's written by a doctor. And they said... By a doctor asshole. They said whenever there's handrails, hold on to the handrails.

And if there's no handrail, hold on to the wall or a person. Why were you reading this? Because I like reading on how to be healthy. You like how there's... I like being able to prevent diseases. The idea that it's just like walk slowly. Oh, okay. That's all you have to do.

I was running around and I was just falling down and breaking things. If I had a choice between buying a house with stairs and buying a house with no stairs, house with stairs and buying a house with no stairs, I would, because I've read that book and because I know that, you know, falling down does weaken your bones. And I would rather buy a house with no stairs. Jesus Christ, Esther, how have you made it so far? Seriously, how have you made it this far in life? With this kind of logic, how are you here dressed fed you have a phone you have a car no for real no for real it makes sense i just wouldn't have stairs i've got it figured

i'm gonna walk slow and no stairs house because and keep away from tall guys because they might have little dicks the probability of you falling if you live in just a one-level house is lower. No, that's not true. Because a lot of times people don't fall down stairs all the time. People fall in the kitchen. They fall getting out of the tub. That's a big one. Slip getting out of the tub.

I almost fall in my tub. Like, every time I get in it, I'm like, oh, shit. I almost died. I have a friend who fell in her tub. She broke ribs. Shit. Ribs. Yeah, you can get fucked up.

And breaking ribs is a bummer. You ever broken a rib? No, I haven't broken anything. Me neither. I broke ribs, shit. Ribs. Yeah, you can get fucked up. And breaking ribs is a bummer. You ever broken a rib? No, I haven't broken anything. I broke... Me neither. I broke a rib at least two times. I think more. I think I've broken them more.

But I've also broken the cartilage in between the ribs at least six or seven times. Doing what? Mostly martial arts. People punching you? Kicking you? Kicking you is a big one. Wow. What happens is the ribs, even if the ribs don't break,

what happens is you get kicked really hard and they separate. So the cartilage in between the ribs breaks. And so then it pops. Like when you breathe, you can feel it moving. And you have to wait until that bitch stops moving. And you have to wait until it heals up. So it's months and months and months before you can do anything. Can you smoke weed?

This is before I was smoking weed. But I would imagine you could smoke weed, but it's going to fucking hurt. Anytime you do that, it's going to hurt. Like anything we expand. The thing about ribs, any movement. Like that was a thing like Jose Aldo, one of the UFC fighters, had to pull out of his title fight because he got a broken rib. They were saying, well, he's going to try to rest and try to heal up, but you can't even

exercise. He would gain weight. He would never be able to make weight. He can't do any kind of training. If anybody hits you in that rib again, you're fucked. It's super dangerous. The rib can actually break loose and go into your organs. The whole design of that thing is a cage around your internal organs, but it's pliable So rather get hit in the ribs or get a concussion and hit the ribs all day 100% Yeah

Yeah, yeah, I'd rather have the pain the pain of getting a broken rib I mean you'd still do damage to your organs and shit, but damage to your head is a totally different ballgame Damage to your head is very fucking day. I've had damage to your organs and shit, but damage to your head is a totally different ballgame. Damage to your head is very fucking dangerous. I've had damage to my head in case you couldn't tell. No fucking way. How recently? Right before this show, I think. But I can't remember.

No, like a few years ago. I had a concussion. Really? What happened? I got mugged in New York. No shit. Yeah. What happened? I got mugged in New York. No shit. Yeah. What happened?

I was walking to a show, and I blame this purse that I bought. I bought, like, a vintage, beautiful coach purse. And that was, like, my first fancy purse, you know? So I'm walking to a show, and I have this purse, and all of a sudden, I'm just knocked out. Like, I don't remember what happened, and I never saw who hit me, but somebody hit me on the head, and I was just, like, on the ground. Whoa. Yeah. What street? Where was this?

It was in Bushwick, on, like, near the Grand Street L stop. What is Bushwick? Is that Brooklyn? It's Brooklyn, yeah. It's, like, past Williamsburg. Is that a sketchy area? Yeah. It's, like, where all these, like these artists are building lofts and, you know. Because it's cheap? Has studios, yeah.

And there's a bunch of art studios and stuff there. But it's still a crime. But it's still like, you know, a tough neighborhood. So there's like nobody on the street because it was like a Sunday at like 6 p.m. or something. And so you have no idea what happened? Yeah, I never saw. Did you call the police? No, I woke up in some lady's apartment. Whoa. And the police were already there. Jesus Christ. And

it was like a super 70s apartment. And I was like looking at them. I didn't know where I, you know what I mean? It was like my first time blacking out. So I just like was looking at them like, who are you? What am I doing?? Like I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone Where did you get hit? Do you know? Um, I had a black eye. So probably like up here somewhere Wow. Yeah, nobody saw it Nobody saw it. This lady heard me scream and called the cops. She screamed. I screamed. Yeah, huh? And they ran off and my purse was still there. The purse was still there? Yeah.

They got scared probably because I screamed really loudly. But you got knocked out? Yeah. So you don't remember screaming? You don't remember anything? You don't really know what happened? No, I don't remember screaming. So you must have been probably fighting with them to try to keep your purse and then you

got hit. Because if you got knocked out, you wouldn't be able to scream after you got knocked out, right? Unless you woke up screaming. Maybe. But I don't remember anything. Wow that's fucked when did this happen um like maybe four or five years ago five years ago that is so goddamn scary that people can do that to someone over a purse just i mean i'm assuming it was a purse you know but who knows what they

why they were doing it some like they say that there's like a a knockout game you know where people just go around like knocking people out for fun yeah i've seen that you know it that might have been yeah now it's about the time period where that was going on also yeah so i don't know if that's and there was no video of it you know it's just a residential block so it's horrible yeah how long did it take before you recovered a few months jesus christ yeah it happened like like i would like want to go to comedy shows but i didn't want to like show up with a black eye you know jesus christ so i just like stayed home but what about your head how'd your head feel um you, the cops just said I was really lucky.

They just kept saying that like nothing else happened to me, you know? So I felt fine. Because I never saw anybody coming after me with like a pole or, you know what I mean? So you just woke up? It wasn't so traumatizing because I never remembered what happened. Did you always feel weird about looking around now while you're walking after that? Yeah. Now I got a bodyguard, you know, traveling.

Why are you looking at Brian? If that's your bodyguard, you got to tell me specifically what you're planning on doing with him. Yeah, no, now I'm super, like, careful. Or, like, I'll have somebody walk with me or something, you know? Right, right, yeah Well, it's a dark world out there sometimes Sometimes people are fucking evil as shit The fact that someone could just hit a little tiny girl like you

What do you weigh, 100 pounds? 100-something 101? 10 You don't weigh 110 Yeah I'm all muscle Oh, wow

Yeah I'm amazed It. Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm amazed. It's just so fucked up that someone could do that. Someone could hit you, knock you out, and just leave you on the side of the road. And that's how people die like that, man. People die like that all the time. Kevin James was working as a bouncer in this nightclub in Long Island.

And the guy he was working with killed a guy accidentally. He was a bouncer as well. There was something going on, drunks, craziness. Punched some guy. Guy fell down unconscious, bangs his head off the ground, dead. That's what happens. You have to hold back so many punches. You want to punch somebody, but you never know.

They could die. Well, the problem is, people see movies, people get pistol like pistol whipped whack and they fall down and you wake up Oh what happened then they they can still Duke it out and brawl Like if somebody hits you in the back of the head with a metal hammer Which is essentially what a hammer is what a gun is rather so many pistol whips you you're fucked Like you're fucked for many months. You might not ever be the same again My friend got hit in the head Ryan Parsons. You met Ryan. He got hit in the head with a golf ball He was fucked up for six months. Somebody hit a line drive, hit him right in the head. He went down screaming in agony, blacked in and out

of consciousness. Wasn't the same for six months. Couldn't go outside. Couldn't see the sun. Sunlight would kill him. It would give him piercing headaches, loud sounds. Couldn't read. Fuck, man. Wow. Yeah. Shit. Yeah. It's not good.

We had a guy on yesterday who was talking about his friend who was in her 40s, my friend Keurig. His friend was in her 40s and she was doing a street luge. You know what that is? It's kind of like, you know, like a bobsled, but on the street and you're, no, like, like, you know, you're lying down on a skateboard or something like that. She wiped out, banged her head really hard, and she was fucked. Just fucked. And, like, pretty much permanently.

Permanently fucked. Oh, my God. Yeah. They told her to not read, not talk to people. After six months, they said you can get a pet chicken. Don't get a cat or a dog because they're too interactive. Ew. Like, literally, like, her brain's so... Dogs are supposed to help, like, you know? don't get a cat or a dog because they're too interactive like literally like the day like

her brain so dogs are supposed to help like you know they help some things ptsd and stuff but your dog's shitting all over your carpet you got a headache you're like jesus if you have somebody taking care of the dog but yeah you'd have to have someone like doing everything cleaning after the dog all that jazz wow i met a i met a woman at one of my shows in brooklyn she had no hands or or feet what happened to her well she came up to me after the show and she like wanted to like give me a hug she's like you're so funny and she had like these stubs and she said you remind me of the girls who did my nails when I had hands. Oh, jeez. And I was like... Whoa.

I said, then, like, I said, well... Oh, shit. That's so much to take. It was, like, racism mixed with... You're like, bitch, I'm Korean. I'm not Vietnamese. What the fuck, ho? I was, like, I was thinking, like, I wouldn't bring it up

if I just met her any other way but since she brought up her hands I was like what happened to your hands and she said that she had something wrong with her appendix went to the hospital and the doctor put the wrong name

like mixed up her charts and they amputated her hands and her feet. Oh my God. When she was only supposed to get her appendix taken out or something. Very minor. What? Yeah.

And then a few weeks after that comedy show where I met her, I saw on the front page of the paper in New York, it said so-and-so, whatever her name was, I forgot her name, given $14 million or whatever. That's it? For your hands and your feet? Well, I forget how much it was. No hand jobs for her life. It was maybe longer. And I met her boyfriend. God, can you imagine dating that happening to your girlfriend?

And you're like, yeah, I'll stick around with her. Right? I know. That's so crazy i asked him i said how long have you guys been together he was like a year when that happened wow i was like well man you're such a good guy you know she can't even like wipe her ass or maybe he went to the fucking hospital and switched the things oh here she is i I found her. Right there. But you know what? Wow.

She was so... That's just so bizarre. She was so happy that, like, you know, you wonder, like, how... Look at that. How she can be happy. But she was so, like, she was in such a good mood. Like, she was just, like, loving the comedy show. She was so appreciative of, like, she was having such a good mood like she was just like loving the comedy show she was so

appreciative of like she was having a great time wow and i was like you know there's no reason that anybody should have to commit suicide like you know this woman doesn't even have hands and she's happy i see a point in that regard but i think people commit suicide because of mental issues i think the mind the depression that people go through think people commit suicide because of mental issues i think the mind the depression that people go through some people go through some fucking unbearable depression just i don't understand it i don't know it but i know people have gone through it and there's something that happens to the human mind when the serotonin dopamine levels are off where you just don't want to be alive you just would rather shut the lights off i get it and once you think that you don't want to be alive that just takes over and everything

is just doomed from then on yeah my friend's going through it right now and i was trying to talk to him the other day and it's just like you can't no matter what you say it's not going to change his mind of how horrible everything is and it's i know you wish that you could just like show them pictures of like happier times like remember when we went to the water park right and have it work you know like and have it work or you know show them memories of like you wish you could just show them videos of you know happier times that they've had yeah there's so many variables too there's like your life could be sucky and there's no end in sight there's no no light at the end of the tunnel, or it could be chemical and your life is sucky, or it could be a series of sad things that have happened to you

and failures or losing jobs or, you know, being depressed and unemployable. Or, you know, there's a lot of things that people just, they, a series of events take place and then they reach this point where they feel like it's never going to get any better. And they just don't want to play anymore. They just don't want to do it anymore There's a comedian who saved a guy jumping off the bridge the George Washington Bridge like it's huge comedian He like held him. Oh my god for like hours or something I couldn't I don't think you could hold him for hours, but maybe not for hours But he was like a complete hero that day sort of till the guy jumped the

next day fuck you stupid i'm doing it right how's your arm sore for nothing i think that there's people that just don't want to be here anymore they're gonna die eventually you know that's what's really fucked up it's like we want them to stay alive we want to save them but we also know that this is a temporary ride and they they're hating this ride. This ride sucks for them. Yeah. And so it's hard to tell them, hey man, stick around. For what? What am I sticking around for? So you keep doing this for another 30

years, and then what? And then it's over? It's over now. They just need somebody to talk to. Sometimes. You know, people just like, people have become hermits, and they don't want to leave their house, and you know, like, our society allows that to happen, because like, because the way it's built nowadays with so many conveniences, you could just get food delivered. You could get anything delivered to your house.

I had Olive Garden in bed. You don't have a reason to leave your house, and you could just let it pile up and become a mess. Olive Garden delivers? No, but there's apps now. Like she said, we'll deliver anything. So I go through the app, order it. In like 40 minutes, I had all of it. And you could just be addicted to internet porn and just never

leave your house. Do that? Well, there's a lot of people that do that. There's a guy that I know that's, he's like a professor. I'm going to get him on eventually, but he thinks there's nothing wrong with being addicted to porn. He said the way he equates it is being addicted to porn is like being addicted to sports or being addicted to games. He said the way he equates it is being addicted to porn is like being addicted to sports or being addicted to

games or playing videos. He's like, it's just you're enjoying something. Everybody has this bad idea in their head that the obsession about porn is so awful, whereas the obsession about video games is just at the most unfortunate or

a waste of time. Meanwhile, he's had and had sex with a real life human being in years. How do you know? Maybe. Meanwhile, he's hadn't had sex with a real-life human being in years. How do you know? Maybe. I think he's just a professor. I'm not necessarily think, I don't necessarily think he's talking about himself. I think he's trying to make some sort of a rational argument for why we have this unusual attitude about sex that we don't apply to everything else.

Like, if someone really loves cars, like, say if you're, like, a guy who, like, loves vintage cars and you just want, someone really loves cars. Like, say if you're, like, a guy who, like, loves vintage cars and you just want, like, there's people, like, I looked at this house that was for sale that was in the Pacific Northwest, and it was, the guy was a Ferrari fan. Like, he loved Ferraris. So he had Ferrari design his kitchen. He's, like, at a Ferrari kitchen. And then he had a glass wall from his living room to this enormous garage that was

filled with Ferraris and this guy was just obsessed with Ferraris he's just a rich guy who loved and he had old ones and he had new ones and he had like vintage ones and this guy was just obsessed he had Ferrari books and magazines but if that was porn you'd think he's a creep right you know if it's cars like wow this guy fucking loves Ferraris. You don't get it, but you don't judge him. You go, well, I guess he just really likes Ferraris. Whatever. He's got money.

Who cares? But if you went over his house and it's all just blow-up dolls and dildos. That's Yoshi's house. Yeah. It is Yoshi's house. He's like, if you need a place to stay, let me know. You can get pregnant just walking through the door in Yoshi's place. But you know what I'm saying? It's like, if you need a place to stay, let me know. You can get pregnant just walking through the door in Yoshi's Place. But you know what I'm saying?

It's like, why do we get... I think it's because we have weird attitudes about sex, and we also have the attitude that porn, at least some of it, dehumanizes women. Like, porn, at least some of it, makes you look at women like they're an object, not an equal, not a person, just something to fuck. That's why they have a hard time meeting a real live woman because they've been desensitized to it so much. They want to treat a woman like that the minute they meet her.

They don't have time. He doesn't, like, they don't have... They don't have the time to get to know you. They don't have the patience to get to, they're just like sitting there on a date probably thinking, why isn't she taking her clothes off and licking my balls, you know? That's what everybody thinks, by the way. They just keep it to themselves.

Yeah, definitely. Well, those scenarios too. It's just like, like we were talking about earlier, kind of any scenario that you depict in a movie, it become like the Lion King or Simba or any of that shit. It becomes the Yogi Bear. It becomes like how you start thinking of bears. Well, if you watch too many movies where girls just call a plumber and start sucking his dick, you just assume that this is how people operate and behave.

The same way you assume Yogi Bear is going to try to take your picnic basket and not eat your kids. You know, we have these weird images in our head because of the media. And porn, as much as it doesn't seem like it's the media, absolutely 100% is. It's you're watching depictions. I think my college boyfriend was addicted to porn. Why do you think that? Because I thought his name was John for the longest time.

And then everybody on his dorm floor was like, yo, is porno John here? And I was like, what the fuck is porno John? And they're like, well, there's two Johns on our floor. He's porno John. Yeah. Because he liked porno. Because he was like, he had the most porn out of everybody on his floor.

Maybe he's just really good at collecting shit. Maybe he knew what he liked. I hope so. You hope so now? I hope so now, yeah. Was he a freak? No, he was like regular. I was freakier than him.

Whoa. Yeah. Why were you freaky? Because? No, he was like regular. I was freakier than him. Whoa. Yeah. Why were you freaky? Because like, I don't know. I think when you're young, you just like sometimes have sex. You don't care about the other people's feelings. You know, you do have gangster sex. Is that what you do?

No. You get crazy. Spit on dudes. Smack them after you cum. After he came, I would keep going. Yeah. And he would be like, I'm trying, I would keep going. Yeah. And he would be like, I'm trying to do my homework. Do you mind?

Well, it sounds like he's really, you need to find a better dude. That's what every guy wants. Every guy wants a girl, wants to have sex all the time. That's what I mean. So he wasn't that much of a freak. They named him Porno John, but. It could be that Porno John was all out of cum because he was just beating off like crazy while you weren't around so when you around he's

like yeah real woman and once he came once like whoo I'm done I'm fucking exhausted cuz you ran like five marathons that day you know so running up a flight of stairs was exhausting for a normal person running up a flight of stairs is pretty commonplace right yeah porno John he's just been beaten off into a cup all day I should have broke up with him instead I let it go on for you or years but that's ridiculous cuz you're the freak you're the one who wanted sex all the time so why would you care if you watch porn well at the time I did because I was like brainwashed by all these like you

know romantic comedies or you know magazines or whatever do romantic comedies to get mad they're romantic comedies or, you know, magazines or whatever. Do romantic comedies get mad? Are there romantic comedies where a woman gets mad if a guy's using porn? Yeah. Except if it's some of the hipper ones, you know, like the Seth Rogen ones. Yeah, I think so. I felt like I was, like, brainwashed by that, you know? To think that porn's bad. To think that if he's watching porn, that he must not want me.

And I would, like, make a big fight. Now, I don't care. I think porn is, you know, fun to watch, but... I've had that happen, too. Or I don't care if he watches.

Girls get mad at you? Yeah, like, she would get... I had girls get mad at me that if I followed porn people on Instagram, Twitter,

to the point of, like, why I'm not doing it for you type thing. Like, it got so bad where I wasn't allowed to do porn or even have photos of women as wallpapers or anything like that.

I think when I was younger, I was taught to like think that it's, you know, you're supposed to take it personal. If personally, if you don't, if he's watching porn, you must not be enough or something. Is that from your friends or who's that from? It's probably from growing up in the Midwest. That's right. Chicago, they have that sort of morals. Yeah, like Chicago is still the Midwest, even though it's a big city.

It's just, it's still like frowned upon crazy behavior. You know, so I was like, let me get out of here. You guys suck. I love Chicago, but I see what you're saying. I think those spots in the middle of the country you know there's a lot of there's a lot of holdover thinking that's starting to

change though isn't it it's starting to change all across the country people becoming more and more open-minded wouldn't you imagine that well when i moved here joe uh like you would talk about masturbating all the time and i remember one time you were talking about how you were mad you masturbated the other day to something and i was like I can't believe he's telling me this right now that I out loud like I was so like like shy about it Imagine that him like recently no, this is like 13 years ago He started working for me about 13 years ago, right? Yeah, cool But but that's how changed it is in the Midwest though like talking about poop out loud. No That's why Brian seems childlike because really he's experiencing this for the first time.

Yeah. Whereas like most people, they're like by the time they're 10, by the time they're 10 years old, they're actually 10. Yeah. So he came here as an infant 30-year-old. It's true. But you would agree, right? Like if, you know, growing up in Chicago, you wouldn't openly talk about masturbation in front of people and stuff like that. Right.

I would like Xerox copy like sex cartoons and put them in my planner. Sex cartoons? You know, like, yeah, like there was like a joke book or, you know, there's like a cartoon book with sex jokes that I thought was funny. And it was like, you know, a fly with a big dick or something. that I thought was funny and it was like, you know, a fly with a big dick or something. And, you know, it would look like a, you know, one of those like really, you know, hastily made drawings that just have like one word or one phrase or something. Right. With like, you know, somebody holding a cum bucket or, you know, and I would just like

think those were funny. And I would spread rumors in my school about like sex ed because that was always like, oh, we're having sex ed, ed you know we're in sixth grade and so I'd be like you know so our class went first in sex ed so the afternoon class was like oh what was it like and I was like well mrs. Elmore and mr. Reynolds got naked and had sex I would like start rumors like that you know And people believed me. Is that how you became a comic? Yeah.

By just being inappropriate? By being funny in school. Being funny in school and being kind of like people didn't expect it. You're a small, cute girl and you're saying these dirty things. Well, and the teacher. So I would never get in trouble either because I would always just find somebody who looked like Red Van and blame it on him. Good move. And be like, I didn't do that. That's a good move.

He changed the whole schedule. You're a bully. That's funny though. I am a bully. You get in fights a lot though, don't you? Like physical fights? Maybe not physical. You get in fights? No, I don't get in fights now.

What are you talking about? Where are you making this up from? Earlier, she said something about punching. You said something about you never know when to stop punching. And I thought you were talking personally. I was going to ask you if you get in fights a lot. I just met you as in anybody out there listening. You. He thought I met

me. Oh, you never know when to stop punching. You want to be careful who you punch because they might crack their head open and die. Right. You assume that she got in a lot of fights because of that? Well, no, because she said something like, you never know when to stop punching. And how she said it, she says, you, as in, you never know when to stop punching. So I was thinking like, She says like you like as in like you know you never know when to stop punching. I was thinking like

Did I turn Italian too? Do you follow? Are you following what he's saying? No. Why does he think that you get in fights? Do you get in arguments with people or something? I understand why he would think that. Why? Are you feisty? Is that what this is? Um I mean I have been but I'm not like that's not my normal state. You know?

You don't seem like someone gets in fights. No, it was just how she said it earlier. Oh, okay. I was just trying to sound like I knew how to fight. That's why I didn't say anything. Because you guys talk about MMA a lot of times. So, oh yeah, that's what we do. So did you fly down here just to hang out and do some shows?

Yeah. How many days are you down here for? Till Saturday. Thinking about moving to California? Saying, fuck Miami? I think you are, right? I love it here. It's the best, right?

Uh-huh. It's awesome. It's the best comedy community. Dude, she'd have come last night. The comedy store was off the fucking hook last night. The roast battle? Oh, the roast battle and the original room. The original room was sold out.

It was mobbed. It was amazing. And then upstairs, the roast battle was crazy packed and fucking hilarious. Who was the kid that went on first? The guy who, the roast battle was the kid that went on first? The guy who the roast battle, the blonde guy with the glasses? Jamie, find that dude. That guy was fucking

money. It's too crowded to even go in there and watch it. So I didn't get to see any of the... So who organizes? Who's going to battle who? That's a good question. I don't know the answer to that, but Brian Moses is the host and it's a perfect length show because it happens late at night it happens like 11 45 and it only lasts like an hour it's like it's in and it's over you know but one o'clock in

the morning everybody's going home it's perfect it's perfect and it's monstrously funny that's his name jeff jeff sewing god damn that dude's funny He killed dude He's really fucking good He's a funny guy man I don't know how long that guy's been doing stand up I think they said four years Keep an eye on him Jeff Sowing

S-E-W-I-N-G And one of the things I love about that place Is it's open To young up and coming comics They can make a name for themselves there like people like there's some people that on the show last night um that weren't that good and there's there's a couple that were like kind of shaky but the fact that they get a chance like if you're if you're you don't have to have a bunch of you know resume items that you can

call upon you don't have to have like a bunch of credits to your name. You can just be a local comic who is down on their luck. You go up there, you can crush like this guy, this Jeff guy and just smash it. And then we'll be talking about you the next day and everybody will be talking about you. It's just, it's an amazing showcase and it's a live fucking experience.

Like roast battle is one of the cool, like it was never there when I was there in the old days of the Comedy Store this new ver it's one of the pieces of The new Comedy Store that like that I point to when I talk about how much better it is there now It's just a better environment. Everything's better the young up-and-coming guys are better the young up-and-coming girls. They're all better There's just more energy more life and then this shit like kill and the roast battle. Those two things are just giant for that place. Giant. It's great for new comics.

It's one of the best things ever of both of those shows. Both of those shows. Kill Tony's giant for new comics. Giant. Yeah, and there's so many comics that are like, you know, that are on Kill Tony that have almost become regulars that are already, you know, surpassing people that have been doing it for 10 years in comedy just because of the Internet and the idea of it being broadcast and podcast and all that stuff.

It's great for them. It forces you to, like, hit another level early, you know, especially girls like Kim and Sarah, because they're doing if you never watched or listened to Kill Tony on Death Squad podcast network. It Kill Tony is a podcast where they have new comics go up. They do one minute. You've seen it, right? Yeah. Esther, have you ever been on it? No, I've never been on it.

You should be on it as a host or as a judge, rather. It's awesome. So fun. I've seen it happen. Yeah. You're not really a judge. You're like a comedy expert. A commentator.

A comic, working comic. So they do a minute. Everybody does one minute. And then the comics talk about your minute. And sometimes they go, dude, you're fucking awesome. You got a real future. And sometimes they go, just stop. Don't do this anymore.

Right. I've seen it. They're like, what do you do for a day job? Keep it. Actor. But Kim and Sarah do a new minute. Yeah. Kim Congdon and Sarah Weinshank do a new minute every week.

Wow. Gangster. So ballsy. That's awesome. To be able to do that, to be able to come up with a new minute and to put it on the internet. So all of their comedy career, like especially Kim, from the beginning to like Sarah did it a little while before she did. That's so ballsy. All of her sets.

All of her sets. A brand new minute every week. A brand new minute every week. A brand new minute every week. Yeah. And because of that, it forces her. And she won last night in the roast battle. Very close fucking battle. He could have gone either way. Easily.

It was amazing. She ended it well. She ended it with a bomb. She knows how to do it. I mean, this is her fifth win at roast battle. She knows how to handle it. She's a fighter. That dude, Jeff, though. He was fucking vicious Oh, like I felt bad laughing at some of the shit that he was saying, but it was poor girl

Oh, it was ruthless. So she tried she tried she went after him and she got him with some good ones, too But he had some nuclear weapons. It was fucked up It was like she pulled out some big cannons and fucked him up, and then he just dropped nuclear bombs and leveled the landscape to the point where people were falling out of chairs. I was curled up in a fetal position on the two chairs, and then the Negro wave. They have these guys, if you never watched the roast battle before, and you can watch it on Periscope, too.

You don't have to be in L.A. But if you are in L.A. on a Tuesday night, get to the to the goddamn Comedy Store and you got to get tickets early because it's always sold out But they have this whenever someone kills with a joke the Negro wave jumps up and they scream and that was it Jamal Who's the dude who poured water on himself Jamar Jamar? Oh my god. This kid's funny He's a real yoked black dude shaved head He's he pulls his pants down to like the middle of his dick and they pour water on him and he's dancing. He climbs up on chairs and he's grinding in people's faces.

And it's all just because this joke was, it killed so hard that they act up and get crazy and it makes it 10 times funnier. Yeah. It's hilarious. It's such a good show. Like every time I walk out of there, I have this giant smile on my face and I feel like I've seen something cool. You know, I feel like I've been a part of something like this is like, I don't know.

There's no place like this. I don't know any. Yeah. I saw they did one in Montreal this week too. Yeah. Yeah. They're doing it in Montreal too. Yeah.

They did it at the festival. So it's fucking great. And you're doing a podcast with Brian Moses, right? He was a host of it. We actually have the podcast version of the roast battle on death squad now called verbal violence with coach T and Brian Moses and it's the second episode was released in a third episode should be anytime now beautiful and Brian Moses what a good dude we got to have him in yeah he's such a good dude such a funny

dude and just a good comic he's gonna be great that kid's gonna be giant verbal violence available violence um so what else is going on? Esther, why don't you have a podcast? Do you have a podcast? Well, I do want to start a podcast. You should. After this one today. I did record three episodes.

What happened to them? I'm just waiting to get more before I release them. Why would you do that? Because in case I don't find more people, or in case I run out, what if I air three episodes, one each each week or let's say every Monday, and then the fourth week I just, I don't have one. Do a solo one. That's okay.

Move to California. See, the beautiful thing, yeah, you can move to California and Brian will just sexually harass you in his studio every week. But you can do one whenever you want. That's the beautiful thing about the internet. Right. You don't have to be regular, right? No. No, you don't have to be regular. You have a bunch of Twitter followers and Facebook friends and all that jazz, right?

So I wanted to start a podcast, and I have a name for it. What's it called? Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs? No, it's called the Poo Podcast. Poo. I like talking about my poo. Alright, you and Brian are matched now. We should get married.

Well, that's not going to work out but maybe we should just be friends. I think almost nobody should get married. How about that? Me too. There's nothing wrong with being together but here's the thing about the marriage that's really goofy is the legal contract aspect of it. To bring in other people

and signing paperwork and stuff. Just like, what? How can you stamp that on love? It's just so... The only way it makes sense to me is when you have children. You have children and the wife doesn't want to get stuck with no money. I have a friend who's not married and

is pregnant and I know that baby's going to grow up in a loving home with two parents. You don't have to get married to have kids. In that scenario, I hope you're correct, but i think for a lot of women they want like legal protection they want to be able to like be able to get money when they break up not just child support but even alimony be able to pay for themselves too if they've been living their life like being you know taking care of the child and they made some sort of mutual deal and then the dude just decides

to fucking jet listen bitch i'm, I'm moving to Jamaica. I've never wanted to get married, you know? Like, it just seems like you're just tied down. Well, that's why they made divorce. Right. But you are tied down. I mean, that's exactly what it is. It's a legal contract. The only thing that makes sense, like I said, the only time

it makes sense is if you have children. Or if one person needs a green card. That's a good move for it, too. I know people who've done that. That's a good move. I get that. You make $15,000. But if you have children, I can understand why a woman would want some sort of legally binding, some sort of insurance that she's going to be getting money from this guy that she had babies with. That makes sense to me. You know what drives me crazy, though, is

the non-baby alimony. You don't have babies and you have to pay forever. I have a buddy who was married for more than 12 years. I don't know if you know how California works, but California works if it goes over a certain amount of years, I think it's like 12, you have to pay alimony forever. Forever? Forever.

Forever ever? Forever ever. Not until the kid's 18? No, there's no kids. There's no kids. Here's my friend's story. If you're married or common law marriage? Married. Married. Common law marriage, I believe, isn't much different. I think you could just sue the shit out of somebody if you have a common law marriage like if you've been living together and they've been supporting

you for a certain amount of time. But this is my friend's story. And this is a very good friend. So I know the details of this intimately. I've had fucking sweaty conversations with this guy, where if I introduced him to a hitman, he probably would have taken it. He probably would have—not really. He's not a murderer. But I don't want to get my friend in trouble. But my friend was married to this woman for a long time, and the last few years, it was real rough.

And he's just like, God damn it, I can't do this anymore. And he doesn't know what to do. And then one day he decided to get out. And she was furious and she prolonged the divorce forever. She tortured him during the divorce. Because when you don't have a prenup, then you have to argue over each point of the divorce. Well, her idea was, since it was all his money, because she didn't have a job and he was supporting her, he had to pay for her lawyer as well as his lawyer i heard some lawyers do it for free knowing that they'll get paid at the end oh most certainly they would do that but they don't have to do that if the woman

is in a scenario where the man pays for everything and she doesn't have a job well the man has to pay for her fucking divorce it's like going to war and you have to pay for the other armies general if she doesn't have a job and has no income and has been living off of whatever he makes how are they supposed to go to court exactly if he doesn't pay for her lawyer she should get a fucking job i mean she's not she doesn't have kids there's no reason why she doesn't have a job but even though he doesn't want to be with her anymore he's legally bound to be with her okay so he has this law contract with her, this legal marriage contract. And it goes on for almost two years where she makes an agreement.

They come to some sort of agreement. And then she drags it out even further. She changes what she wants. And she's allowed to do that. She's allowed to change it, whatever she wants. She doesn't have to agree to anything. So she keeps fighting it. She's allowed to change it, whatever she wants. She doesn't have to agree to anything.

So she keeps fighting it. And since she's fighting it with his money, she's just bleeding him and bleeding him. And she knows he has a lot of money. She knows exactly how much money he makes. So she keeps bleeding him over and over and over again. Because she used to do his bookkeeping. No, she didn't do his bookkeeping. She didn't do a damn thing.

She walked a little dog around Pacific Palisades. That's what she did. She didn't do nothing. Isn't that where Jeffrey Lash was? Uh, yes. This woman's an alien. Anyway, my point is, this shit went on for like two years and cost him insane, ungodly amounts of money.

Then, after it's all over, he lost his house, so she lives in this beautiful house that's overlooking the ocean. I mean, it is fucking stunning. It's an amazing house. And he has to pay her alimony for the rest of her life until she gets married. If she gets married or cohabitates with a man. Well, she's never going to get married. Ah, but that's where, this is where it's crazy. So now she has a boyfriend, but the boyfriend lives with her.

Why would he live in his fucking shitty house when they can live in this beautiful house overlooking the ocean? God damn. So the boyfriend moves in and then they send inspectors over to find out if the boyfriend is living there. She knows the inspectors are coming so he grabs all his stuff,

puts it in a fucking U-Haul, literally drives a mile away, parks the U-Haul, waits for the inspectors to leave, turns back around, reloads all his shit back into the house again. Wow.

Because if this guy and her marry, the gravy train stops. But if the guy and her are together, she gets hundreds of thousands of dollars every year. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Like she's living an opulent lifestyle with a man that she just used to date. She used to date him. They haven't been together, like, romantically in more than a decade. But this guy, every week, is writing fat checks. Fat fucking checks.

And sending them off in the mail. It's driving him mad. That's what Trump should run on. What, divorce? Alimony rights. But it doesn't always work that way. It's like this guy just is a combination of a ruthless woman who knows the system,

good lawyers that can manipulate a guy who makes a lot of money. There's a lot of stuff involved in it. He should hire private investigators, get the inspectors to come back, have the video of him taking the U-Haul. Yeah, take photos of him. It's not good enough.

It's not good enough. He could leave a certain amount of personal items there. The point is, like, they're manipulating it. Like, all he has to do is keep an apartment. He could have the shittiest apartment in Compton, and then, like, no, this is my place, and, like, stay over her house 99% of the time. Just go over his house, take a shit, and leave.

And they can't force them to get married. No, no, they can't. Like to get married. No, they can't. Get on your knees and propose right now. Yeah, because if it's common law after a certain amount of years, I wonder if the money stops then. But either way, this guy is just beyond fucked, and it drives him crazy. And he doesn't even like this person. Not only does he not like her, he knows that she spent millions of dollars of his money fighting him in this divorce settlement. And then once it came out, and you know, I was talking about a guy who did anything terrible. He didn't kill anybody.

He didn't rob anybody. He didn't, but he's become a victim of a legal system. And this legal system has him obligated to pay this woman until she stops breathing on planet earth. Jesus Christ. So fuck California. Why are we here? So she's only like, I think she's to pay this woman until she stops breathing on planet Earth. Jesus Christ. Wow. Fuck California. Why are we here? So she's only like, I think she's in her 40s.

And they weren't married for 12 years. Yeah. So if they live another 30 or 40 years, this fucking guy has to pay her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. And I think it's almost a million. I think it's not just hundreds of thousands. I think it's many, many hundreds of thousands.

And he's a wealthy man. Don't get me wrong. He's done very well. But he works for a million. I think it's not just hundreds of thousands. I think it's many, many hundreds of thousands. And he's a wealthy man. Don't get me wrong. He's done very well, but he works for a living. And this is a guy who has his own business. He just collects checks for a living. He's not a thief. I mean, he's not like, he's not, this guy's not doing anything unscrupulous to make this money. So this is all money that he earned because he runs his own business

and he's a fucking workhorse, this guy. And he dated a woman that was better looking than him. He fucked up. he dated a woman that was better looking at him He fucked up he dated a woman that's better looking at him, and it didn't work out And then you know he just thought yeah, I don't need a prenuptial. I love her She doesn't want a prenuptial so this is how crazy this guy is he gets married again after this and his new wife Wants to have no prenup and he was she was thinking of going through with it and everybody was fucking grabbing him. Don't you fucking do this. We've been going through this with you for the past three fucking

years. You are not going to do this. Did he do it? No, he didn't. He got a prenup. He got a very generous prenup, but as a prenup. And they got married. The point being a prenup, at least if even if it's ridiculous, even if like, you know, Esther and Brian get married and Brian has to pay Esther a million dollars a year for the rest of her life if they break up. At least that's set in stone where she can't say, fuck you, Brian. I want three million dollars. I can't believe I sucked your dick. I can't believe it.

I want that fucking money. And that's what happens when people get angry at each other when they get divorced. They just fight and they fight and they fight. And then there becomes this, I'm going to break this motherfucker. And then you figure out how to do it. See, that's the thing about getting married is that divorce fights sound fucking awful. Well, they only sound awful because they can be awful.

That's the thing that's really crazy about marriage. It's because they can be awful. You can demand there's a legal thing going on. There's a contract that's disputed. So you can battle about it. Whereas like if you guys are just dating, okay and you broke up, well that's it. It's disputed. So you can battle about it. Whereas, like, if you guys are just dating, okay, and you broke up, well, that's it.

It's over. Brian says, I don't want to date you anymore. And you're like, fuck you. I don't want to date you anymore either. But I want money. Brian would be like, what are you talking about? I'm not giving you money. Like, get away from me.

You know, like, get out of here. Stop. You change your phone number and we're over. It's over. The battle ends. But if you're married, the battle has just begun. Jesus. Just begun.

It's scary as fuck. And then the lawyers get together, and they touch each other, and they rub hands, and they go, we're going to clean this motherfucker out. Because you've got two lawyers who are working for the same guy, and they're battling a different position. He's working for you, but you're battling for the wife. But you're still getting the checks from the same guy. He's working for you, but you're battling for the wife. But you're still getting the checks from the same guy. He's fucked.

So they know that all they have to do is stretch this dance out. So they kept this dance going for, I think, more than two years. For more than two years, this guy was going through divorce. Wow. Just bleeding. And I would see him. He'd be gray. Like gray skin and sweaty and fucking just

freaking the fuck out just hemorrhaging money hemorrhaging and working all day working every day nine ten hours a day why is he getting married again yes yes he wanted kids it's not just that he you know he loves this woman this other woman he's not

he doesn't believe in relationships the relationship that he had just didn't work and he was you know just couldn't sometimes it doesn't work sometimes people are great sometimes you're great and he's great woman has to pay all the money to the guy because when they started going out he was making more money and then she started surpassing him and wrote a screenplay and then those moments are so rare I hate when people even talk about them that's like when women say sometimes women rape men okay maybe they do one in a million

yeah the times that the women are paying alimony how rare are those 50 50 joe well then would there be a good argument to quit alimony let's just bail on it you know i think alimony is nonsense. I think if you do have someone, though, that you've been taking care of for a certain amount of time, like if you care about them at all, you have an obligation to help them. You know, I don't like people struggling financially. I think it's a horrible thing to see. That's one of the most stressful things in your life. And if someone can help someone and sort of like help

them move along to like a more prosperous future without them there's nothing wrong with that but when you get obligations like my friend who's like i think he has to pay seven or eight hundred thousand dollars a year forever forever what if he start like what if he doesn't make as much money next year you know what i think i might be wrong i think it's more than a million now that I'm thinking about it. Because there's a bunch of other, there's like a bunch of shit tacked in. There's all this, oh, it's so crazy. And this is like what he settled on. This is what he settled for.

400, over 400,000 people in the United States receiving post-divorce spousal maintenance. Just 3% were men. Ha ha ha. And how many of those were from gay dudes? How many of those? Because Melissa Etheridge plays alimony to her two ex-wives. That's funny. It's the greatest thing anybody ever said on this podcast.

No way. I asked her. I go, how are you paying alimony to two ex-wives? She goes, bitches are crazy. Oh, my God. She probably didn't even have kids with them. She might have. She might be one of them fucking turkey baster

ladies. Puts a strap on a turkey baster and she's like, buy some sperm at the local sperm bank. Was it her that had like David Crosby's come impregnated in one of her girlfriends or something like that? People get freaky.

They do little things. Try to do little test things there's a gay couple living on the street for me and the guy is there's one guy that works all the time and the other guy is like sort of the house husband they have a great great relationship with a housewife you know like they have a kid and uh the the guy that doesn't work does most of the taking care of the kid and it's beautiful it works for for them. They're sweeties. They're the nicest folks. They're like, you know, their kid comes over, parties and stuff, and they're like, their

kid is the same age as my kids. We play together all the time. Oh, that's so cool. He's always over the house. They're the nicest people. For someone who doesn't know gay people, it just seems weird that these two guys are in love with each other and that they hold hands. But once you get used to them, the dynamic of them, you know who they are.

They're the nicest, friendliest people. And they get along. It works great. Like, they've been together for years. And the kid's not traumatized, you know? The kid's fine. The kid's like, this is awesome. My dads are awesome.

One of the reasons why the kid's fine is because we live in California. And California is very open-minded when it comes to gay people. It's more open-minded, I think think than any place else I've ever lived it's like you know so much so that It's it's becoming more of an issue if you're a homophobe than it is if you're gay Like if people find out you're homophobic, it's so repulsive. It's like what do you give a shit? Like that's more repulsive than it is like if you're a homophobic person you see a gay person like that's it's almost more

more Stigmatizing to be homophobic than it is like as far as like numbers go than it is to be gay Almost and that's that would be the goal right the goal would be I mean San Francisco is just amazing as far as just people People don't want to offend you that they go so far as to like be like Oh, would you like to you know get a breast implant to a man? You know what I mean? Like it's just trans like gender people are just everywhere and it's it's so except there's a transgender comedian in San Francisco

Have you seen him her her sorry Jesus Christ you misgendered you can't miss gender. It's super bad They get so mad. I forget her name, but she was hilarious. By the way, I don't understand people getting upset at something. It's obviously a mistake as misgender. Like if you used to be a man and now you're a woman and someone actually calls you he, relax. Okay? Relax.

Because if you call me a she, guess what? I'm not getting upset at you. I'm just not. If you're like, have you seen Joe Rogan. Oh my god. She's really funny On the regular wouldn't bug me. No like whatever people call you he I Mean just like you make a mistake like it's almost like like ma'am like when you gotta go. Thanks, ma'am sure That's a dude. Why did it's a mistake or you call your your friend? That's a girl brother. All right, brother I'll see you soon Dude or bro, but dude dude is okay dude is universal dude

You like guys like hey guys like there could be like right four girls and a guy you know What's up guys and nobody gets upset and if they do stop hanging out with them, right? Mm-hmm, because if someone said guys is not really just guys. The problem is, it's so gender specific. There's no female equivalent to guys. Where you could say a bunch of girls can be guys. Technically it's gals, but that just sounds

dumb. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? No one uses it universally. You don't see a group of men and someone says, hey girls or hey gals But you could see like five girls and go what's up guys? What's up and? Somehow or another it's acceptable girls like you can go up to your friends and go what the fuck you guys doing You can actually say that right right? It's not weird. It's not weird. It's like it happens all the time

Yeah, what is that? How is that? Because we just live in such a male-dominated world. Is that frustrating, being a woman? Well, it was when I was a kid, yeah. Because I just was surrounded by guys. So I felt like I have three brothers, so I was like constantly battling for the toilet is that why you're talking about poop well no you know what it is it's like I grew up seeing my brothers like pee in the toilet together because they could stand

next to each other and all pee at the same time that I just got so jealous I was like when I pee I take up the whole toilet by myself. I can't hang out with people while peeing. And I thought, man, it would be awesome to pee at a guy. Have you seen those things? Have you seen those things that they have for women where they can pee outdoors? It's like a funnel you put over your box. Yeah, they have that at like Bass Pro Shops and stuff. I've seen it.

Yeah, so you can go camping. I want to try it. It has good reviews online Yeah Well the kind of people That would use that thing Probably enjoy it I just squat over

A pile of leaves Do you? Yeah If you're camping Do you camp? I've gone camping How many times? Twice

Did you enjoy it? It was so much fun Where'd you go? I went in Florida Silver Silver Lake Silver Springs See Camping in Florida, Silver Lake, Silver Springs. See, camping in Florida takes on a totally different meaning because you could easily run into meth heads or crazy people out there in the woods. Yeah, alligators, snakes.

I didn't. You're lucky. You only went twice. Shit. I know. Well, maybe the third time I will. That's like going hunting for UFOs twice and saying, oh, there's nothing out there. You never know. There's like going hunting for UFOs twice and saying, there's nothing out there. You never know.

There's a lot of numbers. I know. I was surprised that everybody just left all their stuff in the open when they ride their bikes down the path, you know, go down to the beach and everybody just has their stuff and you're just on a honor system. Yeah. You know? And like nothing got stolen. And it's not like... It happens though. It happens, right? All the time.

That's a big problem with campgrounds oh really you have to like lock your shit up well I mean if you have anything really valuable

you lock it up in your car but yeah people's tents get robbed all the time oh damn well it's just

one of those things it also attracts a lot of vagrants and a lot of people that are you know they're down on their luck and that's why

they're sleeping in a tent there's people that are essentially homeless but they have a tent you know and if you have a public campground and that's why they're sleeping in a tent. There's people that are essentially homeless but they have a tent. And if you have a public campground and there's a shower there, you can kind of get by. That's why you need to get a reservation at a public

campground that's hard to get to. You take a ferry and then the guy in a jeep picks you up and you're in this trolley and then it takes you down to your campsite. Brian, did I ever tell you about Bean from Kevin and Bean? He lives on an island. He lives on an island outside of Seattle.

You can't even get to it unless you take a ferry. The guy lives on an island out in the middle of the fucking, the bay. And, you know, he's kind of in Seattle, but he does. You ever do Kevin and Bean? And there's nothing else? No. You ever do Kevin and Bean? The best. They're awesome.

And they're still around. They're like one of the last radio shows that's still around. But he is wired into the LA studio. So he lives in Seattle and Kevin still lives in LA. And the guests come to LA. When I do the show, I do it in studio. Except when I call in. Tomorrow I'm calling in.

But when I do it in studio, you sit down there with Kevin, and Bean is over the loudspeaker. And it sounds like he's right there with you. But you don't see him. He's like the eye in the sky. He's like, God. You'd think they would have at least a Skype system going on so you could at least see him.

No, you don't see him. He's laying in bed. Well, you can see him. They have some sort of a setup where you can see him on a video camera or something. Like, where he's at. But there's probably a delay. No, no delay.

No, because it's like an ISDN line, so the delay is so minuscule. The listeners can't tell. No, you can't tell. Yeah. The delay is like the difference between this and this. Like, it's so short. It's like this, this. It's like maybe a half second, not even.

You know, it's like an internet lag. Ping. Yeah. It's like an internet lag. So yeah, it's like paying. Yeah. So if you're saying something and you know, the, the amount of, it's not like that critical that what you're saying has to be like an eighth of a second quicker, just whenever it comes out, it seems like it's real time. So he, he does it from an Island, but I always wondered like, I don't know if I could do that, man. I don't know if I could live on an Island. That would

kind of weird me out. Yeah. There's this place in San Diego that's like that I went to where you take a ferry over and then it's just like this small island and it's a whole community though. They have like a little grocery store, a little sushi place, a little dry cleaner, but just houses everywhere. But it's completely cut off. If there's a bad storm or something like that, they can't have the ferry. Everyone's stuck or not stuck on that island. Well, there's that island outside of San Diego that all the super rich people live. That island, I think. Yeah.

That's like Dick Cheney's got a house out there. Yeah. Yeah. That's a spooky spot. So you've been to that? I've never been. Oh, it's so weird. We went there and ate.

What's it called? I think it's Coronado Island. Yes. That's exactly what it's called. Exactly what it is. Yeah. There was some sort of a murder mystery that was going on there there was some unsolved murder and some really wealthy family that they felt like some shenanigans had taken place i can't

remember the story no yeah you know the story yeah do you know about it do you know how it goes i read about it the wife was murdered yeah yeah there's some shenanigans. No, and something with the son, too. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The son got murdered. I don't remember. No. This is the worst murder story ever.

Murder. Let's see. Murder on Coronado Isle. Let's see. Murder mystery. I remember that case. Murder mystery. Something was really suspicious.

The death of Rebecca Zahao. She was an Asian woman. Crank that up here. Was discovered dead July 13, 2011. Oh, right. You know what? She was like the stepmom, and they thought that she killed his son. And so all of a sudden, she goes missing, and she's murdered.

Oh, this is what happened. She died two days after this guy's son, Max, took a fatal fall from a staircase banister in the same beach house. The woman was the only adult present at the time of his fall. So he killed her thinking that she killed him. She fucked up. Bill Gore announced September 2nd, 2011, that Zaha, whose death was a suicide, while the younger something something was an accident and that neither was the result of foul play. A member of Zaha's family sued Max's parents for $10 million, disputing the contention that her death was suicide. Huh. How'd that settle?

How'd the lawsuit play out? I don't remember what happened. So you can sue someone for something. Like, civil lawsuits are really tricky. It's like where OJ's, like, got sued because of the dude's family. What was his name? You know, there's his wife and then the boyfriend. Ron Goldman. Ron Goldman's

family sued and won and that's why he had like go bankrupt and his Heisman trophy or something yeah they got his Heisman but who wants that you know try selling that fucking gross so did they say it was a suicide this woman yeah no I don't think they know no one was there except the dude and her and he probably pushed her off the fucking side yeah i was like bitch i'm sure he killed her most likely yeah seems like it but she might have killed herself too she might have fucking hated him blaming her for a stupid kid jumping so she's like you know what bitch i'm gonna get you in trouble and it was a big it was a huge house so he the boy like could have just fallen off a

staircase and just died accidentally she just probably wasn't paying attention That's probably why if someone wanted to kill her that's why they would want to kill her just they were furious that you weren't paying Ten you gotta watch two-year-olds like well you gotta be right there with them all the time He was six he was six it said does that what it's enough of what I think it's a two six. Yeah You know even six-year-olds they they actually sometimes you have to watch them even more because they get real cocky. You can't raise six-year-olds in a big mansion with a banister staircase. Well, if you do, you have to fucking pay attention to them. I mean, who knows?

But who knows what happened? You know, we don't know what happened with the kid. We don't know what happened to her. There might have been some weird shit with him or her. Okay, what does it say? Check this part. Okay, what does it say? July 13, 2011.

A nude body of Zaha who was found bound and hanging from a balcony at the famous Speckled Mansion in Coronado. A cryptic message written in black paint was found just outside the second story room in the house which read, She saved him. Can you save her? What? I'm confused. Wait a minute. I thought she fell. That's what this says. Not. Okay.

Amended lawsuit. Rebecca Zahao beaten, strangled, and pushed off a balcony. She was found dead. Oh, okay. This is a totally different story. This was from last year. Oh. So now they're... So it's still going on whoa scroll down here

10 million dollar claiming um lawsuits claiming rebecca zahaus this is why i'm saying it weird z-a-h-a-u how do you think you spell that how do you think you pronounce that zahaus zahaus death How do you think you spell that? How do you think you pronounce that? Zahao? Zahao's death? Zahao. It was a murder and not a suicide. It's been amended to allege new details about three people conspired to kill her, beating, gagging, and strangling her.

Right, I remember because with the autopsy, it couldn't have been a suicide. Really? Yeah, I think they found marks on her body. Hmm. Jesus Christ. Okay. Well, who knows? Who knows?

She might have been evil. She might have killed the kid. They might have killed her. Or maybe it was an accident. I don't know. But, I mean, if they found her hanging, I mean, if they really did find her hanging, like it says there,

the document goes on to claim that the trio struck Zao on the head multiple times the blunt instrument physically restrained her gagged her bound her and strangled her to the point of unconsciousness or death Huh, I Don't know. I don't even want to know it's creepy from a lawsuit that this all coming from to not like an official even want to know it's creepy from a lawsuit that this is all coming from two not like an official police ruling right so this is just their claims is that what it is i think that's what this probably trying to open again probably some people that at one point in time were madly in love they loved each other esther they wanted to be together forever and ever and ever i love you

i love you i hug you i know how one day How do you know who's going to kill you? You know what I mean? Like, these people, they didn't pick up on the red flags, if there were any? Well, there might be no indication up until the point where that kid died. I mean, the kid dying might have been like this fucking dumb bitch. You know, it might have been like the straw that broke the camel's back. I mean, if they did murder her, might be or who knows she might be evil I mean she might have been just a horrible person and they might have hated her already

And then when she killed the kid she might have pushed the kid who knows people are assholes There's a lot of creepy fucks out there in this world. Maybe she killed him That's like you know you you would think that she did it't I would like to think it was an accident Yeah I would like to think that both of them were an accident The civil suit is just frivolous But You never know You were talking about taking care of a

Two year old and Jamie I just emailed you a video There's this video that somebody posted last night And it's one of the most We saw it already I don't know if we Joe watched it on the air. I don't know if we should show it on here. What?

The escalator? No, that's not what I was showing. No, I just emailed you. Somebody posted this last night, and it's one of these videos that had something to do about a kid, a little kid in a swimming pool. And this little kid falls in the swimming pool but it has been trained uh what to uh survive and this kid is like a baby can't even talk and so it shows this little baby and at first you're like what the fuck is going on this baby falls in the pool and then the baby just learned how to

float and just sitting there going and it is the creepiest coolest video well babies are really fat they can float pretty good. Yeah. That's awesome. It didn't panic. Yeah, but when you see this video, it's one of the most interesting videos to watch because it's something you don't want to see

mixed with the baby knowing what it's doing. So it has this really uneasy feel to it. Here's the baby walking out. It has great sound on it also. So they did this on purpose. They made this video on purpose just to show what the baby can do. Yeah, show this baby. This is a baby, man.

This is not even a two-year-old. Watch this. This is a little tiny toddler. And who's recording this? The dad's recording this. And watch. This is where the baby falls in. Like this baby's done this before, right? So the baby falls in. Like, this baby's done this before, right?

So the baby jumped in the water, kicks. Wow, amazing baby. Flopping around, gets up to the surface. And then watch. Just relaxing. Wow, it's beautiful. But wait a minute, is this a suit he's wearing? Is this a special suit?

No, I think this is just his little pajamas. Are you sure? But I have no idea. Wow. And it starts actually talking. It's kind of fucked that they leave him there like this for this long. I know.

I get the video, dude. Go rescue your fucking kid. And guess what? This goes on for another minute. What? Cut it off. If you cut to the very end, you can see where the baby, look how And guess what? This goes on for another minute. What? Okay, okay. Cut it off. If you cut to the very end, you can see where the baby, look how it's a really cute baby when the guy grabs it at the very end of the video.

See? It's just happy as can be. He's laughing. Yeah. I just thought that was interesting and creepy. It is interesting. I wonder if it's a suit or if they just taught the kid to lie on his back and they just naturally float. I think a lot of us probably panic.

They don't even need a bathing suit. That snuggie outfit was awesome. Babies in pools are very fucking dangerous. That's one of the most dangerous things when you have children is worrying about them falling into a pool. One of Demi Moore's kids, a kid drowned at her party the other day. Apparently Demi Moore has, you know, Bruce Willis' kids. And they are ragers. When Demi's out of town, they just have fucking ragers every night.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And somebody wound up dead. A boy wound up dead. How old was he? Face down in the pool. I believe he was 21. Her son?

No, some boy. Oh, some other kid. Some did, ran out of comm, high on meth, fell into the pool. Fucking dead. I'm sorry if it was your son. I don't mean, you know, the whole thing's a mess. How insensitive. Cover your ass.

That person might be listening. They become a non, they don't become a real person, you know? Yeah. Oh, God, that sucks. Cover your ass. That person might be listening. They become a non, yeah, they become a no, and they don't become a real person, you know? Yeah. Oh, God, that sucks. Yeah, totally. That's a scary shit thing, man. Leave your kids alone at home and one of their friends dies in your fucking pool. Like, oh, Christ.

Alcohol and water, man. Oh, yeah. Super, super dangerous. Yeah. I mean, look at that girl who passed out in the highway that we watched that one time, the video. Mm-hmm. I imagine somebody just, like, hanging out, like, you you know drinking beer and just slips and falls asleep and next thing you

know you know whenever i think about alcohol and pools you know what i think about those images from the brian singer gay parties that he used to have with the red pool water and 50 000 dudes in their underwear in the pool that's i i am stuck thinking about that forever whenever i think about the fact you know like whenever someone says like party, people drunk at the pool, I think of that image. Because it was, have you ever seen it? No. It's the craziest shit ever. Bryan Singer, who, the guy who, look at that.

He's the guy who directed. That's wine? No, that's just lights. You know, he has red lights in the water. The guy who directed the X-Men. He's a gay dude, likes to party. And so he has these parties with all these young studs and twinks, and they just fill a pool.

Is this not from Ripped Buckles? Yeah, you already talked about this. You couldn't wait, could you? Look at that. It's like everybody drank beet juice. It's just gay soup. Diarrhea. Gay soup.

That's what it is. But that's what I think about. Whenever I think about pools and alcohol, that's the out- K-soup. That's what it is. But that's what I think about. Whenever I think about pools and alcohol, I think that's the out of control scenario. Yeah! Nah, nah, nah, nah. That's what was going on at Demi Moore's house. The Lyft driver last night, Joe, saw you 20 years ago

and you said something to an audience member that he says to himself every single day since he's seen you what is that and it's because you were there was some woman heckler and you said where did you learn to whisper a sawmill that's a hack line that's a hack line he says he uses that all he says he he thinks about it every day and he and uh yeah, people, that's a hack line. That's like a standard, like a stock line. Where'd you learn to whisper?

Helicopter. That's another one. Where'd you learn to whisper? You know, a war zone. Yeah, it's a hack. Had to write it down. That's funny. There was a guy named Brent that worked at the comedy store. And he said that him and this guy named Brent, who now lives in Vegas,

and Dom Barris all went to a strip club once he says it was the most insane night ever because Don was Don was just screaming at all the strippers and stuff I could see Don Barris doing his act to the strippers yeah Don Barris is never that's another thing about the comedy store that's amazing is the late night sets by Brody Brian Holtoltzman, and Don Barris. Those are staples. Those are staples if you live in Hollywood. Don Barris got mad at me one night.

For what? I forgot what happened. He brought me on stage on his late show. Ding dong show. Was it a ding dong show or was it a regular show? It was just a regular show. He was just the last one. Okay.

And he brought you on stage? He brought me on stage. Because you were after the show? Is that what it was? No, no, no. I was i was just hanging out okay and there were like four people there right you know what i mean and he brought me on stage and was like what do you do i was like i'm a comedian you know like that's when i had that's how i met don barris is he brought me on stage and how did he get mad at you i don't remember what happened but like like, I don't know. People were like, people were like scared for me. People were scared for you?

Well, I guarantee you he was playing. Yeah, he was doing Don Barris. He does Don Barris. Right. He pretends to be really angry. That's what he does, yeah. He starts screaming and yelling at you. He's not mad at all.

I know. And I said, no, he's just kidding. Yeah. You know? And they're like, no, that was too crazy. Who were the people that said it was too crazy? I don't remember. Stop hanging out with them.

It was like five years ago. Yeah, you need new friends. They're idiots. They might have been audience members, you know? They always fall for it. Well, if you don't know, people used to think that Brody was serious. People have never met Brody before. I have a bunch of friends that saw Brody for the first time and went like, oh my god, this guy's terrible.

And then they see him five times and they go, oh, I get it. He's my favorite comedian now. Yeah. Learning curve. That's exactly when I first met him was at the man show when I went to go see man show with you. And I was in the audience for like two episodes with horse flesh and he would scream at the audience.

You know, he was the audience warmup guy, but if you didn't know who he was and at the time I was just like, this guy's making this clap. He's yelling at us-up guy, but if you didn't know who he was, and at the time, I was just like, this guy's making this clap, he's yelling at us. I thought he was Hitler. I remember coming up to him when I eventually met him later at the comedy store with you. I remember going, Jesus Christ, man.

I hated you. I can't respect. I think that's nice when people come up to you and say I hated you. You like that? Yeah, because then that means you like them now. You won them over. You know?

Yeah. But it's cool when people can admit that. Do people say that to you? Yeah. They hated you? Is it guys usually? No. It can be guys, yeah.

Guys will say shit like that to girls just to knock them down a peg. I actually hated you. I didn't even think you were hot. Right, when I first met you I hated you or like or because I Somebody because I picked on somebody in the audience. That's why they hated you. They'll hate me You know yeah, but why would you pick on so do you if you were picking on someone? I couldn't imagine being vicious you're not a vicious person So you think are you very vicious are you I can be vicious on stage into the microphone, yeah. Why?

I'm not going to throw punches, but... Because it's dog-eat-dog? Because you've got to do what you've got to do? Is that what it is? No, because, like, you know, it's just easy to make fun of guys who are alone at a comedy club when everybody else is in a couple, in a relationship. How ironic that you make fun of those guys, because those are the ones that would rape you and kill you.

It's weird. It's weird that you make fun of those guys. Because those are the ones that would rape you and kill you. It's weird. It's weird that you make them your enemy. No, I make fun of the husbands and the boyfriends, too. Ah, that's a good move. Sometimes the ones who are by themselves will get creepy mad at me afterwards. I'm sure. I'm sure. I should stop picking on them.

Yeah. Dudes are creepy. They're dangerous. Picking on dudes is dangerous. Well, picking on happily married or on them. Yeah. Dudes are creepy. They're dangerous. Picking on dudes is dangerous. Well, picking on happily married or boyfriend dudes is safer. Safer. I'm going to write this down. Yeah.

Write it down. You should have notes. J-R-E lesson 101. Loners. Don't pick on the loner single dude. The quiet loner at the comedy club with his hands inside of his... Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood with those big jackets from the Outlaw Josie Wales.

What are those things called? Trenchcoats. Trenchcoats. Have you made any music videos lately? She has so many hilarious music videos. She's a very talented musician. One of my favorite songs that she does is called I Bought a Dildo on Amazon and stuff like that. Well, let's close with that because we've got to get out of here.

High quality videos. Can we close with that? I'm making videos right now, so I'm recording songs. It's so good. A new one will come out soon. So can we play that? I Bought a Dildo on Amazon? I Bought a Dildo on Amazon?

It's so great. I prefer. Okay, all right. What do you prefer? I like Can You Feel My Menstrual Pain. Okay, let Okay, all right. What do you prefer? I like, can you feel my menstrual pain? Okay, let's play that one. Can you feel my menstrual pain? Esther Koo, thank you very much for being here.

Or Bada Dildo. You guys can contact her on Twitter and harass her. And Twitter allows you to send pictures of your dick. So far. Feel free. For now. They're about to change that. Do they?

You know, I've never gotten a dick pic on Twitter Oh prepare yourself for a tsunami of man meat because it's on your way I'd rather have a picture of their butt your but well you're gonna get that I'm into butts more than penis you're into butthole or but no but buts areer than penises. You're not a penis fan? Well, I am, but not looking at, you know. So you just like, you don't like the butthole. You like the butt. I like the butt.

Like a buttocks. Yeah. Like a thick rump. Like a nice juicy. No ingrown hairs. Something big. Round butt. Some thick, something that delivers the bacon.

Right? Estacup. Something. All right. You can see her if you want to watch repeats of Girl Code, but they didn't pay her, so she kept moving. Can you see? Can you feel my menstrual pain?

You can listen to this and watch this on YouTube, and you can catch Esther all around the fucking world doing stand-up because she's gangster like that, right? Yeah. Pumped in Plains, New Jersey. That's what's up! August 8 Jersey. That's what's up! August 8th. That's what's up! Do you have a website?

I do, funnycoo.com. Funny Coo KU. August 15th, Hard Rock Cafe in Atlanta. Powerful Hard Rock in Atlanta. And all that linked up directly to your Twitter page. So if you go to Twitter page, your actual, all your shit, your stats and everything are there, right? Isn't it? Yes, it is.

I remember it. All right. Brian Redband, don't you have a gig soon? Tomorrow. Tomorrow, San Jose with Dean Del Rey, Christian Spice. We're at the San Jose Improv. And then my birthday show, August 5th, me, you, and a bunch of friends. Yeah, August 5th, we will be celebrating Brian Redband's birthday.

I am going to get a fucking limousine because I ain't driving. We're getting fucked up, dude. We're going to get you hammered. Nice. We're going down hard. Brian, sweetie, is turning 48 years old. 48? That's what I am almost.

I'll be 48 in August. No way. Yeah, I'm almost 48. Dude, I remember when you turned 40. I know. 48? Time waits for no man. Yeah, I'm I'll be 48 in August. No way. Yeah, I'm almost 48. Dude, I remember when you turned 40. I know. 48? Time waits for no man. Yeah, I'm going to be 48.

I was thinking 43. No, dude, 48. I was born in 1967. I was born August 11th, 1967. That's crazy. So this August 11th, I'll be 48 years old. Dude, you're almost 50. Dude, I'm closing on a 50.

Yeah. Dude, Tom Cruise is 50 fucking 1. That's ridiculous. It's crazy. It's just, it's happening. But you're almost 50. Dude, I'm closing on a 50. Yeah. Dude, Tom Cruise is 50 fucking 1. That's ridiculous. It's crazy. It's just it's happening. But you're doing great. Thank you very much, Esther. Yeah. I feel so good now. I don't get depressed about my age. It's like I get depressed if body

parts aren't working correctly. You know, like injuries and stuff like that. But that's just for me being a retard. Or it takes longer to recover from an injury? I fix all that, though. I go to doctors, get injections, and all kinds of shit. Do you get steroid injections when something breaks? Well, steroid injections don't really fix things.

Steroids can fix things. I've gotten steroid injections. Cortisone, mostly. Yeah. Yeah. That's a little bit different. What it really does, what a cortisone shot does, is really just numbs the pain. It actually can become more problematic for people that have injuries because you get a cortisone shot in your knee or in your joints or something like that.

And then while you're working out, you're not feeling any pain. You're still doing injury. You're still grinding on an injury. And you can actually like boss rooting. He's all fucked up because he got cortisone shots in his knees and cortisone shots in his elbows. And he kept fighting, you know, like he had all this pain. And so he just get cortisone shots. And now his joints are destroyed.

He just like was too tough for his own body. But I got a stem cell injection. I was worried that I was going to have to get shoulder surgery. Whose stem cells was it? From a woman's placenta. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's total new, next level shit. Do you guys know that there's a company that collects women's stem cells

from their menstrual blood and stores it? Planned Parenthood supposedly sells the aborted stem cells and makes money off that, but that might be abortion talk. No, I'm pretty sure that's not. It seems like it should be bullshit, but I'm pretty sure there's like a real investigation into that. Look, it could happen because, look, the cells are viable.

And the idea of not using them, to me, is more fucked up than using them. I mean, if you're going to abort a fetus, shouldn't you at least use those cells? Recycle it. Use every part. But people are worried that people are going to have abortions on purpose to make money for the stem cells. No. But anyway, what they do is when a woman has a C-section, they take the placenta from the C-section and they use it to, they harvest the stem cells from this. They freeze it and then they thaw it out and inject it into your injury. And I had a shoulder that was fucking with me for like a year, like a solid year.

I'd work out, it would get swollen. I'd ice it, it would get better, but it never totally got better. And I could do most things, but it was always in pain. I got this stem cell injection two and a half weeks ago because I was worried that I was going to have to get surgery. I had one doctor that said to get surgery. He's like, you're probably going to need surgery. And then another doctor said, I went to an actual orthopedic surgeon. He was like, no, you have too much function. It moves it too much. Let's just try to rehab it and see like if those tears, if they'll heal up. I got the stem cell shot within two and a half weeks. It feels like there's nothing wrong with my shoulder. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy because it's supposed

to last like, it's supposed to be like six to eight weeks to when you feel the real impact. Then I talked to Daniel Cormier, Daniel Cormier, the UFC light heavyweight champ. He had a knee injury and his knee was fucked up and he was thinking about getting surgery and he was putting it off. And I talked to him a year ago about this. He's like, I don't know. You know, eventually I'm going to get surgery. I think when I'm trying to put it off, he got the stem cells, bam, all of a sudden he's like, it's amazing. He's like right away. It felt better. Did you send her a thank you card? I don't know who it was. Did I give her a hug? They don't, they don't tell her. They don't tell you. Oh no, no, they definitely don't tell you because that woman's stem cells probably went to untold numbers of people.

Because it's a small amount. The amount that they had in this little syringe when they inject it into you. But you're kind of connected to her. In some way. It's weird. In some way. Starting a period in your neck. Well, I have some other stuff.

I have a cadaver joint. I have a... My left knee has a cadaver. No, my right knee. My right knee has a cadaver joint. I have a, my left knee has a cadaver. No, my right knee. My right knee has a cadaver ACL. It's actually a cadaver's Achilles tendon because Achilles tendon is much fatter than a human ACL. And so they take this Achilles tendon, they open you up, they put it in place, screw it, screw it down. And then your body repopulates this cadaver dead person's Achilles tendon so it's much thicker than a regular ACL so my ACL and my right knee is like 150% stronger than a regular ACL because it was an a an ACL

from an Achilles tendon do you have two new inner voices that are new I think that might be my problem dead people parts I have too much of dead people parts and baby parts. You have a girl's voice and a guy's voice. What if you start growing baby teeth on your shoulder? I'll pull them out with a fucking pair of pliers. I'm a man. Look, as long as it fixes my shoulder. His shoulder starts crying.

If my shoulder does not get any better and stays right here and doesn't get any worse, I'm fucking super happy. Because there's no pain right now. I mean, I'm not feeling any pain and I'm still doing all these rehab exercises. So it's all strong. I can do things with it. I might be able to avoid surgery. I think there's just some tears in there, but I'm pretty sure they're healing up.

Something's going on in there. That's great. Some new next level shit happening with those lenses that can make you see way better than 2020 stem cell injections when you have injuries i've never had anything heal up this quick this is it's great it's kind of spooky because this thing was fucking with me for a long time man you know what when women have their periods we lose all our stem cells from the uterus lining they should collect it and store it and use it for when you need a stem cell for your next year. I think they're doing it. I think they're doing that.

No, this company went bankrupt or not bankrupt, but they said enough people didn't get it. So they're not collecting menstrual blood anymore. Well, you know, they do them from your own fat. So here's a win win. They take the fat out of your love handles. They lipo you. Oh, that's a good idea. You don't need any lipo hooker.

What are you talking about? I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. Or is it just an. Do they give money? I do. Or is it just an even trade? Like, I want it out.

No, you pay for it. They don't pay you for your fat. Why? They can sell it to other people. They don't take that much either, dude. I have a lot, though. Yeah, but they don't take enough. Like, you've got to eat vegetables and go running up hills and stop smoking cigarettes.

You've got to stop what you're doing. I can't believe you're back smoking cigarettes again. I'm not back smoking cigarettes. You smoke three cigarettes a day,'re doing. I can't believe you're back smoking cigarettes again. I'm not back smoking cigarettes. You smoke three cigarettes a day, right? Three cigarettes compared to two packs a day. But still smoking cigarettes. You've got to stop. Dude, I swear to God.

I talked to that writer that was in here. This is one of my biggest fears. I worry about you getting sick. I really do because you're always smoking. You were at least for a long time. I worry about it. That's one that gets you, and once it gets you, you're like, fuck, I could have avoided this.

It's so scary to be close to someone and care about them like I care about you and then see you smoking and know that that's eventually going to get you. Can you just bite your nails? No, I think they need to make no smoking at the comedy store. That's not going to ever happen. That's never going to happen. You just need to go to

vapor cigarettes. Just go to vapor cigarettes and just tell yourself you can't smoke cigarettes. I need to get a new vapor. Dude, you got free for a while. How long did you get free for? A couple months? Yeah, a month, month and a half, something like that. You can do it, dude. You can do it.

Oh, I know I can do it. Yeah. You just have to want to do it. Yeah. Just say when you're going to stop smoking cigarettes. Give yourself a couple weeks. You just started smoking, right? Not cigarettes.

Weed? You smoke weed, Esther? Yeah. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You smoke pot? That's how she makes this great music. Oh, my gosh, does she smoke pot with her right before the show, Brian?

Do you think I forgot? How dare you? All right, Esther, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you. It was a lot of fun. It was always cool hanging with you at the store, so I'm glad we finally got a chance to do this. You're a cool chick, Esther. Thanks for having me.

Cool human being. I shouldn't qualify that you're a woman. You're just cool. A cool gal. We love you. And Brian, again, tomorrow night he will be at the San Jose Improv, which is one of the coolest clubs in the country. It's a fantastic club. It used to be an old theater.

Really sweet, sweet setup in that spot with the great Dean Del Rey. And if you're a Harley Davidson fan, there's an extra bonus. There'll be Harley Davidsons on stage. Yeah. Wow. Are you serious? Dean sponsored by Harley. So he brings motorcycles on stage every show?

Oh, yeah, they do. They set the Harleys on stage with him. He gets a free Harley. He rides his own Harley that they gave him. And then at the end of the year, I think- Because he used to work for Harley. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, there's sponsorship of him now.

Maybe I could get sponsored by pens. You could totally get sponsored by pens. But you could get something probably better. Yeah. Like tampons or some shit. You should go for that. What's, like, your favorite thing in the world? Besides dick.

No. Besides dick. Jesus. Besides dick. Jesus Christ, Joe. You can't get sponsored by dick. I'm just saying. What's your favorite thing that you get sponsored by? How about some kind of food? I love donuts.

Donuts. Perfect. Krispy Kreme. We need a Krispy Kreme sponsorship. With you on stage with a box of Krispy Kremes. But maybe something bigger. And in the middle of your act, you start chewing donuts. Something bigger?

A bigger company? Yeah, because Dean has motorcycles. Let's talk about it. Maybe everybody in the audience gets a donut. That's a lot of donuts. That's a lot of money. A lot of water wasted. We're in a drought. What about Samsung? Oh, look at Brian holding it up. How casual. Alright, we're out of here. Esther Kuh, we're going to play this Can Can you feel my menstrual pain?

Again, E-S-T-H-E-R-K-U on Twitter. Thank you so much. To everybody else, we'll be back next week. So thanks for tuning in. Much love. Big kiss. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Why isn't it there? I can't hear it. ago when you got a heavy flow. Oh no, don't let boys go down on you. But my boy likes kinky things. That's how he got his red wings. Oh yes, time and time again. Yes, time and time again I want to know Can you feel my menstrual pain? I want to know Can you feel my menstrual pain? Bleeding down my legs today

When I get that PMS I shove his face beneath my dress Oh yes Don't be scared of my red slime And when I start feeling cramps He always eats me like a champ It's damp I'm retaining water

I wanna know Can you feel my menstrual pain? I wanna know, can you feel my menstrual pain? Bleeding down my legs today